Chapter 136
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Cat of his ownI''ve never seen a cat in his apartment. No, I am not going to answer him.
Oh, he can be so exasperating sometimes. Fifty shades of exasperating. I mber into bed and lie
ring at the ceiling as my eyes adjust to the dark. I hear another ping from myputer. I am not
going to look. No definitely not. No, I am not going to look. Gah!
Like the fool I am, I cannot resist the lure of Christian Grey''s words.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: What you said in your sleep
Date: June 2 2011 20:20
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia
I''d rather hear you say the words that you uttered in your sleep when you''re conscious, that''s why I
won''t tell you. Go to sleep. You''ll need to be rested with what I have in mind for you tomorrow.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Oh no... What have I saidIt''s as bad as I think, I''m sure.
Chapter Twenty-Five
My mother hugs me tightly.
"Follow your heart, darling, and please, please - try not to over-think things. Rx and enjoy yourself.
You are so young, sweetheart. You have so much of life to experience yet, just let it happen. You
deserve the best of everything." Her heartfelt words areforting whispered in my ear. She kisses my
hair.
"Oh, Mom." Hot, unwee tears prick my eyes as I cling to her.
"Darling, you know what they say. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince."
I give her a lopsided, bittersweet smile.
"I think I''ve kissed a prince, Mom. I hope he doesn''t turn into a frog."
She gives me her most endearing-motherly-absolute-unconditional-love smile, and I marvel at the love
I feel for this woman as we hug again.
"Ana - they''re calling your flight," Bob''s voice is anxious.
"Will you visit, Mom?"
"Of course darling - soon. Love you."
"Me too."
Her eyes are red with unshed tears as she releases me. I hate leaving her. I hug Bob, and turning,
head to the gate - I do not have time for the first ss lounge today. I will myself not to nce back. But
I do... and Bob is holding my mom, and tears are streaming
down her face. I can no longer hold mine back. I put my head down and proceed to the gate, keeping
my eyes on the shiny, white floor, blurred through my watery tears.
Once on board, in the luxury of first ss, I curl up in my seat and try topose myself. It is always
painful to wrench myself away from Mom... she is scatty, disorganized, but newly insightful, and she
loves me. Unconditional love - what every child deserves from its parents. I frown at my wayward
thoughts, and pulling out my ckBerry, stare at it despondently.
What does Christian know of loveSeems he didn''t get the unconditional love he was entitled to during
his very early years. My heart twists, and my mother''s words waft like a zephyr through my mind: Yes,
Ana. Hell - what do you need - a neon sign shing on his forehead She thinks Christian loves me, but
then she''s my mother, of course she''d think that. She thinks I deserve the best of everything. I frown.
It''s true, and in a moment of startling rity, I see it. It''s very simple: I want his love. I need Christian
Grey to love me.
This is why I am so reticent about our rtionship - because on some basic, fundamental level, I
recognize within me a deep-seatedpulsion to be loved and cherished.
And because of his fifty shades - I am holding myself back. The BDSM is a distraction from the real
issue. The sex is amazing, he''s wealthy, he''s beautiful, but this is all meaningless without his love, and
the real heart-fail is that I don''t know if he''s capable of love. He doesn''t even love himself. I recall his
self-loathing, her love being the only form he found - eptable. Punished - whipped, beaten,
whatever their rtionship entailed -
he feels undeserving of love. Why does he feel like thatHow can he feel like thatHis words haunt me:
''It''s very hard to grow up in a perfect family when you''re not perfect.''
I close my eyes, imagining his pain, and I can''t begin toprehend it. I shudder as I remember that I
may have divulged too much. What have I confessed to Christian in my sleepWhat secrets have I
revealed?
I stare at the ckBerry in the vague hope that it will give me some answers. Rather unsurprisingly, it
is not very forting. As we haven''t taken off yet, I decide to email my Fifty Shades.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 12:53 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dear Mr. Grey
I am once again ensconced in first ss, for which I thank you. I am counting the minutes until I see
you this evening, and perhaps torturing the truth out of you about my nocturnal admissions.
Your Ana x
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 09:58
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia, I look forward to seeing you.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
His response makes me frown. It sounds clipped and formal, not his usual witty, pithy style.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 13:01 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dearest Mr. Grey
I hope everything is okay re ''the situation.'' The tone of your email is worrying.
Ana x
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Homeward Bound
Date: June 3 2011 10:04
To: Anastasia Steele
Anastasia
The situation could be better. Have you taken off yetIf so you should not be emailing.
You are putting yourself at risk, in direct contravention of the rule regarding your personal safety. I
Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org.
meant what I said about punishments.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
Crap. Okay. Jeez. What is eating himPerhaps ''the situation''Maybe Taylor''s gone AWOL, maybe he''s
dropped a few million on the stock market - whatever the reason.
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