Chapter 137


    Wake her and bury myself in her.


    I wonder how drunk she wasst night.


    Ana. Ana. Ana.


    What a shock toe back here to Hyde.


    I steel myself and brush my forefinger over her cheek. She mumbles something in her sleep, and I


    freeze. I don’t want to wake her. When she settles, I slink out and head back to the living room. I need


    a drink.


    As I pass the foyer door I notice that it’s hanging off its hinges. There are scuff marks over the walls.


    But no blood, that I can see.


    Thank God. An altercation? It looks like it was a full-on fight.


    And Hyde had a gun. He could have murdered Ryan right here in my home.


    The thought is sickening.


    In the living room I head over to the bar cart and pour myself a Laphroaig. I toss the contents of the


    ss down in one swallow, appreciating the burn as it sears my throat, the warmth spreading


    downward and joining the maelstrom in my gut. I take a deep breath and pour another,rger ss and


    head back into the bedroom.


    I should really get some sleep, but I’m too wired.


    Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org.


    And too mad.


    No. Not mad. I’m raging.


    The sanctity of my home invaded by that cocksucking, motherfucking asshole.


    Quietly, I drag the bedroom chair from its position by the window to my side of the bed. Sitting down, I


    watch Ana sleep as I slowly sip my scotch and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to quiet the ferocious


    storm inside me.


    It doesn’t work.


    He wanted to harm my wife.


    That’s the only conclusion I cane to.


    Kidnap her? Kill her?


    To get back at me.


    And Ana…she wasn’t here.


    Where I asked her to be.


    Told her to be.


    My anger simmers, curdling into bitter rage.


    And I have no outlet.


    Only this drink, and the fire it leaves in its wake with each sip.


    I re-cross my legs and tap my finger against my lip as I think of all the ways I’d like to end Hyde.


    Strangtion. Suffocation. Beat him to death. Shoot him. I have Le’s gun.


    And punish Ana for not doing as she’s told.


    Paddle. Flogger. Cane… Belt.


    But I can’t. She won’t let me.


    Fuck.


    As dawn breaks, it gradually lights the room.


    Ana stirs, and her eyes flutter open. Her lips part as she gasps in surprise when she realizes I’m sitting


    and watching her. “Hi,” she whispers. I finish my drink and ce the ss on the bedside table while I


    contemte what I’m going to say to her. “Hello,” I murmur, and it feels like someone else is talking.


    Someone robotic. Someone without feeling.


    “You’re back.”


    “It would appear so.”


    She sits up, eyes bright, and blue, and lovely. “How long have you been sitting there watching me


    sleep?”


    “Long enough.”


    “You’re still mad,” she whispers.


    Oh, I wish I was just mad. Robotic me says the word out loud, testing it. But it’s not enough. “No, Ana. I


    am way, way beyond mad.”


    “Way beyond mad. That doesn’t sound good.”


    No. It’s not. We gaze at each other and I wish I could stand up and yell and scream and tell her how I


    feel. How disappointed and relieved I am.


    How frightened I am.


    How fucking furious I am.


    I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the depth of these conflicting feelings that gue me right now. But


    robotic me doesn’t know what to do; all systems are offline, trying to contain my rage.


    She reaches over, grabs her ss, and takes a sip of water. “Ryan caught Jack,” she says, cing the


    ss back down.


    “I know.”


    Her brow creases. “Are you going to be monosybic for long?”


    Is she trying to be funny? “Yes,” I respond, because it’s all I can manage.


    Her frown deepens. “I’m sorry I stayed out.”


    “Are you?”


    “No.”


    “Why say it, then?”


    “Because I don’t want you to be mad at me.”


    It’s toote for that, Ana. I sigh and run a hand through my hair.


    “I think Detective rk wants to talk to you,” she says.


    “I’m sure he does.”


    “Christian, please…”


    “Please what?”


    “Don’t be so cold.”


    Cold? “Anastasia, cold is not what I’m feeling at the moment. I’m burning. Burning with rage. I don’t


    know how to deal with these”—I wave my hand seeking inspiration—“feelings.”


    Her eyes widen farther, and before I can stop her, she mbers out of bed and onto myp. It’s so


    unexpected—a wee, disarming diversion from my rage. Slowly and carefully, so I don’t break her, I


    wrap my arms around her and bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her unique Ana scent.


    She’s here.


    She’s okay.


    My throat burns with my unshed tears of gratitude.


    Thank heavens she’s safe.


    She embraces me and kisses my neck.


    “Oh, Mrs. Grey. What am I going to do with you?” My voice is hoarse, and I kiss the top of her head.


    “How much have you had to drink?”


    “Why?”


    “You don’t normally drink hard liquor.”


    “This is my second ss. I’ve had a trying night, Anastasia. Give a man a break.”


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