Chapter 50


    “You flown before?” he asks, raising his voice above the sound of the engine.


    “I’m a qualifiedmercial pilot,” I respond. “Rotorcraft. And I have a couple of sailnes.”


    “This’ll be easy for you.”


    Myugh is hollow.


    Yeah. No. I’m a pilot for a reason.


    I’m in control.


    I take a deep breath as the ne leaves the runway and begins its ascent. Snohomish Valley falls


    away as we climb higher and higher into the cloudless sky.


    Matt and Elliot are talking crap. Ben joins in. I block them out and think of Ana.


    What’s she doing? Is her wardrobeplete? I think of her in my arms this morning, wrapped around


    me. I ce my hand on my chest where her finger traced small circles.


    Calm, Grey. Calm.


    As we near 12,000 feet Ben hands me a leather capplete with chin strap, and some goggles. As I


    put them on he runs through a quick reminder of all that I need to know. The other instructor opens the


    rear door; the draft is almost deafening.


    Shit. This is happening.


    “You got that?” Ben shouts, referring to his quick refresher.


    “Yes.”


    Ben checks the altimeter on his right wrist. “It’s time. Excited? Let’s go.” We shuffle toward the open


    door, the sound of the single engine and the wind rush even more thunderous. I nce at Elliot, who


    gives me a thumbs-up sign and a fuck-you grin.


    “You asshole!” I yell, and heughs. I cross my arms and clutch on to my harness like my life depends


    on it…because my life depends on it. Then I’m hanging, attached to a man I don’t know, over fucking


    Washington and the Snohomish Valley. I squeeze my eyes shut, and for the first time in a billion years


    offer a prayer to the God that abandoned me years ago. Then I open them again.


    Whoa. I can see the Cascades, Possession Sound, the San Juan Inds—and nothing but air beneath


    me.


    “Here we go,” Ben shouts, andunches us out of the aircraft.


    “Ffffuuuukkkkkk!” I bellow.


    And I’m flying.


    Really flying, above the earth. Either I don’t have time to be afraid or the adrenaline streaking through


    my body has blotted out the fear. It’s super-exhrating. I can see for miles, and because I’m not


    behind ss or stic, it’s hyper-real. I’m in the sky, cloaked in it. It’s holding me up. The rushing


    sound of air as we dive to the ground is familiar, like an old friend. I free my hands and hold them out to


    feel the wind racing through my fingers. Ben holds a thumb up in front of my face and I return the


    This is beyond amazing.


    Scanning above, I get a glimpse of Elliot and Matt. And Sandraes whooshing past us, the camera


    turned toward Ben and me. My grin is goofy.


    “This is great!” I call out to Ben as we surf the sky.


    I see Ben raise his wrist. We’re at 5,000 feet. He tugs at his rip cord and we slow immediately as above


    us a multicolored canopy unfurls. The nature of the dive changes from terminal velocity to slow motion,


    and all is quiet as we hang in the air. My anxiety evaporates, reced by an inner calm that surprises


    me. I’m on top of the world, quite literally walking on air. Ben’s got this; he knows what he’s doing. And


    from somewhere deep in my mind, the thought materializes in my head: I hope that my marriage to Ana


    is this thrilling and this easy.


    The view is breathtaking.


    Còntens bel0ngs to N?(v)elDr/a/ma.Org


    I wish she were here.


    Though it would give me a coronary watching her jump out of a ne.


    “Want to steer?” Ben asks.


    “Sure.”


    He hands me the risers; I tug on the left and we turn, slowly and gracefully, in a wide circle.


    “Dude, you’ve got this,” Ben calls, patting my upper arm.


    We do another circle before Ben takes the risers back in order to steer us toward thending zone. The


    ground is approaching at speed, and I lift my knees as instructed as Ben gently drops us to the ground.


    We bothnd on our asses, and the ground team is there to wee us.


    Ben unclips his harness from mine and I stand, feeling a little unsteady from the adrenaline rush.


    Behind us, Elliot and Mattnd, Elliot whooping like a gori again—his favorite form of expressing


    excitement.


    I pause and catch my breath.


    “How was it?” Ben asks.


    “Man, that was sublime. Thank you.”


    “Great!” He offers a fist-bump and I return it.


    Elliot rushes over to join us.


    “Fuck, man!” I exim.


    “Rad, huh?”


    “I was shitting bricks.”


    “I know! It’s good to see you finally losing your fucking cool for once. It’s a rare event, bro.” Elliot


    “No…but close.”


    Fifteen minutester we’re back in his pickup.


    “Dude, I could use a drink after that,” I say, and I can’t shake my shit-eating grin.


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