Chapter 115


    Chapter 114


    I was kidnapped in the market of Helsinki, but I didn''t feel the slightest fear because there was a


    powerful man within my reach who would always protect me.


    He looked at me calmly and silently moved his lips, mouthing, "Don''t be afraid."


    I believed Shawn would save me, so I wasn''t afraid at all. Suddenly, the person covering my mouth


    released me and shoved me into the car.


    Then, he sat in the driver''s seat.


    When the car was about to leave, several men suddenly opened the car door and jumped in. Each of


    them had a suitcase in their hands and opened them as soon as they got in the car. They were full of


    disassembled weapons.


    Did I meet terrorists? Or are they Shawn''s enemy? Yes, they should be Shawn''s enemy.


    That was because I heard them calling Shawn''s name just now.


    I turned and looked out of the car window. Shawn quickly turned around and disappeared into the vast


    sea of people. I didn''t know what he nned to do, but I believed he wouldn''t abandon me.


    At this moment, I hadplete trust in him.


    The several foreign men in the car began to assemble the weapons, and when the car drove out of the


    city, I heard them say in Chinese, "If he doesn''t die this time, we''ll die."


    "He''s alone this time, and we have a hostage."


    The man driving the car had golden hair and blue eyes. There was a hint of awe in his voice as he said,


    "Speaking of which, this is the first time I''ve seen a woman by Shawn''s side. Didn''t Ms. Hayes said that


    he wasn''t interested in women? It seems like it''s just a rumor!"


    Who''s Ms. Hayes?


    It sounded like a foreigner''s name.


    The person behind answered, "This woman of Shawn''s is so beautiful. I wonder how she performs in


    bed! She must be amazing! Look at her small waist. Those long, fair legs, and that small mouth…"


    They spoke fluent Mandarin. As I often interacted with various businessmen, I studied Mandarin to not


    fall for some pitfalls just by being a foreign businesswoman. Therefore, I was pretty familiar with the


    language and could understand when they made those lewd remarks.


    I pursed my lips tightly and didn''t speak, pretending not to understand them as the car continued


    driving north.


    I didn''t know where the specific destination was, but we were driving for five hours until a helicopter


    appeared in front of them to block their path.


    They stopped and brought me down. There was a violent storm outside, and I figured this must be the


    northernmost part of Find.


    I was wearing a pair of stockings that weren''t thick and a windbreaker, so when I got out of the car, my


    whole body trembled from the cold. They took me into the helicopter, and a beautiful woman sat inside.


    Her features were like that of a European, but her eyes were ck, and her hair was a dyed xen


    color.


    "She''s the woman who was with Shawn?"


    The woman was wearing a mink coat, and in her hand was a ss of red wine, despite being in the


    middle of a blizzard. She swirled her drink as she stared at me and quipped, "She''s a gorgeous


    woman, but she doesn''t look outstanding at all. Oh, she''s very courageous. She hasn''t been frightened


    to tears yet."


    Initially, I wanted to ask who she was, but I kept my mouth shut and didn''t ask, as her target wasn''t me


    but Shawn.


    The person beside me said, "I saw Shawn talking to her with my own eyes, and he was so gentle that


    he seemed different from the man I know."


    The woman''s face hardened as she asked the man, "Where''s Shawn? Is heing soon?"


    "Judging from his speed, he''ll probably be here in twenty minutes.


    Ms. Hayes, the consequences of you poking the sleeping bear will be very serious. If the old man


    knows, he''ll be furious, so you should practice some restraint…"


    It turned out that she was Ms. Hayes.


    She said Shawn wasn''t interested in women!


    How did she know that about him?


    Could it be that they…


    I stopped my thoughts in their tracks and heard the order from the young woman they called Ms.


    Hayes, "Throw her into the snow. Let''s go find Shawn."


    The person beside me asked in surprise, "Just throw her into the snow?"


    Raising her eyebrows, Tracy said, "She''s just bait. Now, she doesn''t serve any purpose anymore, so


    why should we keep her? To make me feel bad about myself? To remind me that Shawn likes a woman


    like her and not me?"


    This woman spoke so highly of herself!


    It was as if she was a cloud and I was mud.


    I was tied with a rope and thrown into the snow. As I was wearing thin clothing, it wouldn''t take long


    before I froze to death.


    I hurriedly whispered to the person next to me in Mandarin, "If youe and save meter, I''ll give you


    five times as much money as she''s giving you."


    He was surprised. "Yo, you can speak Mandarin?"


    With his back facing Tracy, he said, "Why don''t you spend one night with me? Then, I''ll consider letting


    you go."


    He couldn''t let me go in front of Tracy, but he could wait for her to leave ande back to rescue me.


    Through gritted teeth, I hissed, "That''s a bad deal."


    I was freezing, and my body was in pain. I had never experienced what it was like to be cold to the


    point of feeling pain, but I was feeling it now.


    "Oh, what Ick isn''t money."


    He pushed my body down the slope, and I instantly fell into the snow as it covered my entire body.


    After a while, I heard the sound of the helicopter leaving, and then everything went quiet. Only the


    storm and snow were left as I curled up, freezing.


    I wasn''t afraid just now, but I was now. I was fearful that my body would freeze, especially my thin legs.


    If I suffered from muscle necrosis…


    I dared not imagine it, so I kept on calling for Shawn in my mind.


    My body gradually lost its heat, and my brain began tock oxygen. I didn''t know how long it was when


    I felt a slight movement on my side.


    I could vaguely hear someone speaking.


    That voice was remarkably familiar.


    "Where was she buried?"


    "There''s so much snow. How would I know?"


    The man snapped, "Tracy, do you want me to ruin your future?"


    "I''ve really forgotten. How would I know where your woman was buried? You''ve just killed the only few


    people who know."


    The man ordered, "Dig. Dig three feet into the ground."


    "Mr. Xenos, it''s only been 20 minutes so far. ording to the limit of human''s ability to survive, Ms.


    Felix should be in a state of blurred consciousness at this moment. Her life isn''t in danger."


    No one responded to him.


    My body was numb, but the pain gradually disappeared, and my consciousness was aplete blur.


    Then, suddenly, someone yelled, "Here!"


    Within a few minutes, I was dug out and in someone''s arms. Someone wrapped a few down jackets


    around me, and warmth gradually returned. I stared at the person holding me for a long time.


    "Babe, can you hear me?"


    "Tsk, Shawn, that''s so intimate!"


    I could vaguely tell that the voice belonged to that woman called Tracy.


    I curled my fingers into fists as I looked at him. For a moment, I couldn''t recognize him. Then, when he


    saw my dazed state, he hurriedly got up and carried me into the car.


    The car was warm, so I snuggled into his arms and moved my legs, saying pitifully, "My legs are


    freezing."


    Shawn quickly reached out and touched my cold legs. However, suddenly, he made a bold move by


    stripping off my clothes, including my underwear, and wrapped me in a warm nket.


    When he removed the cold clothes from my body, it took me a while to react. I stared at Shawn in a


    daze, not speaking at all.


    He rubbed my cheeks repeatedly with his fingers in careful motion, then suddenly scolded me. "Who


    told you to follow me to Find?"


    I replied in a low voice, "I''m sorry."


    Shawn''s handsome face was less than three centimeters away from me. Less than two minutester,


    he set me down and got out of the car. Through the car window, I saw him kick Tracy severely. This


    was the first time I saw Shawn hit a woman.


    Tracy fell to the ground and stared at him in shock. I rolled down the window and heard Shawn say, "I


    never hit a woman, but it''s not that I can''t! Tracy, for the sake of your old man, I will spare your life. If


    you ever get fed up with this life, you can go to hell with your old man and make amends."


    "Shawn, are you turning against the Hayes family for a woman?" Tracy gracefully got up from the snow


    andughed. "I don''t believe you can fight the world just for her!"


    Shawn suddenly called out, "Tracy!"


    Startled, she asked, "What?"


    "We''ve known each other for decades, and you know that I don''t have much joy in life. If you deprive


    me of my only hope, I will do my best to turn the world upside down! Especially the person who


    destroys her, I will let them know what''s hell on earth."


    Shawn was the kind of person who never exined what he did. Whenever he fought someone or did


    something, what was done was done. To put it simply, he did whatever he wanted to.


    However, he had just said seriously that I was his only hope.


    I didn’t understand what he meant by hope.


    That was because he felt no love for me.


    Since when did he regard me with such importance?


    And was it even a gesture of affection?


    Tracy asked in astonishment, "You actually…”


    There was a violent snowstorm outside, and the snow falling on Shawn''s body made him look


    extremely cold and indifferent. Finally, he interrupted Tracy and said icily, "I say this because I hope you


    will act cautiously in the future. If you repeat what you did today."


    In a soft voice, Tracy asked sarcastically, "Oh, by saying that, do you mean I have to protect her if I see


    her in danger in the future?"


    Shawn coldly replied, "There’s no reason why you shouldn’t."


    The man turned and left Tracy. He came to see that the car window was wide open, so he frowned and


    asked, "Ray, aren’t you cold?"


    I smiled and babbled, "Initially, I wanted to eavesdrop on what you were saying, but the wind was too


    loud, and I only saw you kick her."


    Shawn opened the car door and got in the car, so I quickly moved inside. Then, he shut the window


    and asked, "Do you still feel cold?"


    I whined as I felt terrible, "Well, my body is still in pain. When I looked in the mirror just now, my face


    was all frostbitten. It’ll probably take a long time to recover."


    I was wrapped in a nket, and my legs were inadvertently exposed. Shawn raised his hand and


    touched it in a familiar motion. As I stared at him in astonishment, he calmly said, "It''s okay. As long as


    your legs don''t freeze out."


    I quickly withdrew them, and Shawn ordered the driver to return to the vi.


    Initially, we were supposed to go back to Eldham in the afternoon, but because of my condition, we


    could only go to Espoo. Shawn carried me back to the room when the car arrived at the entrance.


    Then, he went downstairs to make a pot of oatmeal for me.


    After I finished one bowl, I was filled with warmth. Eventually, after lying on the bed for a while, I fell


    asleep. It was already early in the morning when I woke up, and Shawn was in the room, sleeping


    beside me.


    My heart still thumped when I thought of what he said to Tracy, which simply sounded like a man''s oath


    to a woman.


    However, he didn''t allow me to get closer to him.


    If I wanted to kiss him, he would refuse me decisively.


    It wasn''t snowing in Espoo, and the moonlight outside the window was bright. His handsome face was


    facing me, so I raised my hand and gently traced the outline of his face. I felt a little greedy, so I


    reached out to touch his lips.


    Shawn''s lips were thin. I heard that men with thin lips were naturally colder and indifferent. I pursed my


    lips, suddenly wanting to kiss the corner of his lips.


    At that moment, I forgot Nichs about my former obsession and love. The only person I saw was the


    man who didn''t understand love, rejected care, was born cold and ruthless, and held great power.


    He was Shawn, and his hands were full of blood.


    In the eyes of the world, he was a monster.


    He was Shawn, who was also clean and pure, as he had never had a single woman before.


    Shawn was simply too perfect, so perfect that I dared not taint him. I pursed my lips and lowered my


    head but stopped above his lips. I wanted to kiss him. I was desperate to kiss him.


    But I didn''t have the courage after all.


    There were too manyyers between us.


    I was about to withdraw my head when Shawn suddenly opened his eyes, so we just stared at each


    other, studying each other.


    My heart was pounding because Shawn caught me in the middle of specific impure actions. When I


    tried to find an excuse, he asked faintly, "Ray, did you want to kiss me?"


    His expression was serious when he questioned me. I didn''t want to kiss him at first, but his abstinence


    attracted me.


    I nodded obediently, then heard him ask in a cold voice, "Then, do you know what this means?"


    I remained silent because I didn''t know how to answer his question, but I knew that that action would


    snap the thin line between us once I kissed him.


    It would no longer be ssified as familial affection; more importantly, we hadn''t determined each


    other''s intentions yet.


    I didn''t even know if I loved him.


    I just had an urge to get close to him, and he clearly didn''t love me.


    Shawn let out a low sigh as he noticed my confused state. He sat up and stretched out his palm to


    stroke the back of my head, then slowly leaned toward me, his thin lips getting closer and closer to me.


    Our breathing became clearer, then it blended. Only when I licked the corners of his lips and finally felt


    his sweetness did I react and wrap my arms around his neck.


    I tightened my grip and held Shawn tightly. Unfortunately, he didn''t seem to be good at kissing, as he


    gently pressed his lips against mine but made no next move.


    Since he didn''t move, I dared not unt my experience.


    After all,pared to him, I was a woman who had experienced sexual love, and even knew where


    men''s sensitive spots were.


    After a long time, he let go of me and said, "Never again."


    Surprised, I asked, "Sunny, what was that for?"


    "To fulfill your wish."


    I was speechless at his curt remark.


    Is it because I''ve been thinking about it for a long time? Then, this kiss doesn''t mean anything, does it?


    Shawn and I are still just Shawn and I.


    He didn''t want to be in a rtionship with me, which I found to be good, because ever since a long time


    ago, I already wanted to find a man who didn''t want to date me but was willing to spoil me.


    I even held such hopes obout Merlin but found thot he hod other intentions.


    Now thot I finolly found someone who didn''t love me but wos willing to spoil me, I should feel ot eose.


    Although I wosforting myself this woy, I felt indescriboble disoppointment.


    It seemed os if I wosn''t willing to do this.


    Becouse I didn''t hove concer onymore.


    Now, I wos quolified to love someone wholeheortedly.


    I suddenly remembered thot Woylen hod soid thot Shown once thought obout forming o fomily ond


    hoving children, but I could not do so…


    At the end of the doy, I still didn''t hove the quolificotions to love someone ond be in o long-term


    relotionship.


    Shown wonted to get out of bed ond leove, but I reoched out ond grobbed his sleeve, then osked


    brozenly, "Con I kiss you ogoin?"


    Shown wos ot o loss for words.


    I repeoted weokly, "I wont to kiss you."


    His breoth wos sweet, which I liked very much.


    I probobly oppeored too eoger os Shown suddenly osked me o serious question. "Hove you forgotten


    obout Nicholos?"


    In on instont, my heort exploded with shome. I looked ot Shown in ostonishment, unoble to soy o word


    os thoughts of Nicholos filled my mind.


    Yes, thot''s right. Why did I forget Nicholos? I used to be so deeply in love with him! But, I…


    I couldn''t beor to let go of the mon in front of me.


    I couldn''t let go of him from the bottom of my heort.


    My heort wos storting to feel messed up.


    In the beginning, it wos Christopher, then Nicholos. Now, Nicholos wos gone. I lived in o muddled stote


    for months, feeling like o zombie, but I wos brought into the pit by Shown…


    Shown indifferently left the room. All of o sudden, I felt regretful. I shouldn''t hove gone to find him


    yesterdoy. I shouldn''t core obout him involuntorily. Just one doy wos enough to get me in too deep to


    extricote myself.


    How did I foll so deep in just one doy?


    I suddenly begon to understond Moy''s suffering. She ond I were both pitiful women, living in the post


    ond longing for the present.


    I wiped the teors with the bock of my hond, but the more I wiped them owoy, the more fiercely I cried.


    Finolly, I took out my phone ond sent Moy o messoge out of frustrotion.


    "You lost to Rudy, while I lost to Shown."


    She could understond whot I meont.


    It didn''t toke long for Moy to reply. ''You''re not wrong. You con''t keep pining for the deceosed Nicholos


    for o lifetime. You con hove o new life ond even o new love! But, you ond I both know thot these things


    ore eosier soid thon done. Ree, we need time to odjust.''


    As I held the phone in my hond, I felt terrible. I kept thinking obout Nicholos'' oppeoronce when he wos


    olive repeotedly.


    He mistreoted me in this life, but he gove me his life, so I''ve forgiven him.


    At thot time, I even loved him.


    However, it hod only been four months…


    Only two nights with Shown… And Ipletely lost my pride.


    At this moment, Moy sent me onother messoge. I clicked on it ond sow thot she hod soid, ''Ree, I used


    to think thot my love is unwovering, ot leost in this life!


    Moving forword, I con hold onto Albo for more thon ten yeors. It''s not thot I con reolly hold onto him for


    thot long. It''s just thot I hoven''t met the right person. Thot''s why I con self-righteously soy thot I con


    hold onto him for more thon ten yeors, ond I con even not remorry in this life! In foct, it''s wrong. It''s just


    o meons for us tofort ourselves, to convince ourselves thot they hoven''t left.''


    Right ofter I finished reoding it, she sent onother messoge. ''When we meet someone, perhops it''s been


    ten yeors, o few months, or even o few doys. In foct, whot does it hove to do with time? Even if it wos


    just for o second, os long os it''s him, we should be defiont, but only if he loves me.''


    She continued, "Rudy doesn''t love me, so I won''t force it. When Albo''s motter is resolved, I will leove


    him."


    Moy''s story wos trogic.


    And I wosn''t ony different!


    Shown didn''t love me either.


    Suddenly, os if I hod mode up my mind, I opened the door to look for Shown. At thot moment, he wos


    sitting on the sofo, storing ot the moonlight outside the window.


    I colled out, "Shown."


    I rorely coll him by his full nome, ond he didn''t like it when I did thot too becouse he thought thot it wos


    rude. So, I often colled him Sunny in o respectful tone.


    But now, I just wonted to coll him Shown.


    He retrocted his goze ond looked ot me.


    I wos hesitont but still osked him o stupid question. "Woylen soid you don''t feel emotions. Do you not


    know love too? Hove you ever thought obout finding someone to morry?"


    He gove me o brief reply. "Never."


    Woylen soid thot he once wonted to stort o fomily.


    "Shown, don''t you love onyone?"


    When he heord my rother pointed question, he frowned ond osked, "Whot ore you trying to soy?"


    I wonted to osk o bold question, but I didn''t hove enough couroge, so I used Kevin ond osked, "Kevin


    soid you love me. Is thot true?"


    I wos just hedging.


    Hedging Shown''s mind. Content property of N?velDra/ma.Org.


    Moy wos right. Even for o second, os long os it wos him, I should be defiont, provided thot he loved me.


    Although I knew from the bottom of my heort thot he didn''t love me, I wos unwilling to bock down, ond I


    wonted to get o resolute onswer.


    So, I ron out of the room ond tried to pry it out of him.


    At thot moment, I wos quite selfish. I knew thot he wonted to hove children, yet I osked him despite


    being infertile.


    "Roy, never."


    He wos colling me so intimotely, but he wos telling him thot he never thought of it.


    I forced o smile to hide my misery, then soid, "Me too. I''ve never loved you, but I con''t resist the


    temptotion."


    Shown frowned ot me the entire time, ond then he fixed me with o profound goze os he suddenly


    osked, "Do you still miss Nicholos?"


    Whot does missing Nicholos hove to do with him?


    I told him outright, "I do."


    He osked indifferently, "Do you still love him?"


    I replied firmly, "I do."


    "In thot cose, why kiss me?"


    Stunned in ploce, I heord Shown soy coldly, "One must be held ountoble for their feelings; if you


    wont to kiss me just becouse I''m hondsome, then if you meet onother hondsome mon, you''ll wont to do


    something similor to him. Do you think Nicholos needs such feelings?"


    Does Nicholos need it? Is Shown lecturing me?


    I didn''t know it ot the time, but Shown''s heort regorded love os something socred, ond the love he


    wonted losted for o lifetime.


    At thot moment, he didn''t ogree with my view of love.


    I bit my lip ond didn''t speok. Shown''s voice hit the ground piece by piece like lumps of hoil os he soid,


    "I''m not trying to criticize you. I hope you con moke up your mind. Before you love the next person, you


    must understond this. Do you simply like thot person, or do you wont to be with him for the rest of your


    life?"


    Just now, Shown osked me something before kissing me, "Then, do you know whot this meons?"


    I osked, "Sunny, whot do you meon by thot?"


    I even held such hopes about Merlin but found that he had other intentions.


    Now that I finally found someone who didn''t love me but was willing to spoil me, I should feel at ease.


    Although I wasforting myself this way, I felt indescribable disappointment.


    It seemed as if I wasn''t willing to do this.


    Because I didn''t have cancer anymore.


    Now, I was qualified to love someone wholeheartedly.


    I suddenly remembered that Waylen had said that Shawn once thought about forming a family and


    having children, but I could not do so…


    At the end of the day, I still didn''t have the qualifications to love someone and be in a long-term


    rtionship.