Chapter 663


    “No, I won’t,” Toby said weakly with a shake of his head. He knew that he had issues, too, but he


    didn’t think these were issues that could go away with therapy.


    Sonia frowned unhappily when she heard this and countered by saying, “Why not? And how would


    you know you won’t get better until you’ve tried it?”


    He closed his eyes tiredly. “My mom, she... She regretted giving birth to me...” “What?” Sonia froze


    at first, then eyed him in bewilderment. “Did you just say your mom regretted giving birth to you?”


    He said nothing, but his silence was an affirmation.


    She shook her head incredulously. “That can’t be right. No, that’s impossible! How would you know


    your mom regretted giving birth to you? Grandma told me that you were really close with your mom


    and that she was gentle.”


    A woman who could earn such praise from Rose couldn’t possibly have regretted giving birth to


    Toby, but as Sonia assessed the expression on his face, she didn’t think he was lying at all. So what


    in the world is going on here?


    Toby still had his eyes closed, and he did not utter a single word.


    Seeing him like this only made her worry more. She leaned closer to him and pleaded, “Tell me,


    Toby. You can talk to me about anything; I’ll be your most faithful listener. Don’t keep it all inside, or


    it’ll only make you spiral deeper. Grandma and I really care about you, and we all want to see you


    walk away from your past and embrace your usual self. If you don’t talk to us or try to ovee the


    trauma, it’ll only make us worry about you more, and we won’t ever get a peace of mind. Do you


    really want to see Grandma and I running around like headless chickens every year because of


    you? Don’t forget that Grandma isn’t getting any younger.”


    She didn’t tell him that Rose had copsed. Given his current state, Rose’s predicament would only


    add to his burdens. I’ll wait until he feels better, Sonia thought.


    Having heard Sonia’s words, Toby parted his lips, and he had to admit that his current state would


    indeed make everyone around him worry incessantly. More importantly, Rose really wasn’t getting


    any younger, and with each passing day, her body grew more feeble. The doctor even mentioned


    that she might only have a few good years left in her.


    “The night my mom took her own life...” he whispered, finally willing to speak as he opened his


    eyes.


    Sonia stared at him intently. “Yes?”


    “That night, she drank a lot. I had no idea why she drank that much, but I kept herpany anyway.


    It wasn’t until she got really wasted when she held me in her arms and told me a bunch of stuff...”


    He trailed off as he fixed his hollow gaze on the ceiling. “My mom cried about Connor’s uing


    marriage, and she told me that she would have run away with Connor had she not been pregnant


    with me at the time. She told me that she only stayed because she was pregnant with me.”


    “She...” Sonia faltered a little, then pressed, “So you think that she regretted having you because


    she told you this?”


    His eyshes fluttered for a bit as he dwelled on his own thoughts. “Back then, I had no idea who


    Connor was, but I knew my mom didn’t love my dad. She didn’t want to marry my dad, but she


    chose to stay in the Fuller Family because of me, and she stayed married to my father for the same


    reason. I was secretly happy when she told me this, until the next morning when I found her body.


    From there on, my nightmare began to torture me, and it’s been this way for over a decade. In my


    dreams, I would relive the moment I discovered her body, or I''d dream that she was strangling me


    with blood-soaked hands. She would ask me why I was born in the first ce, and why I got in the


    way of her happiness.”


    Sonia bit down hard on her lower lip, bristling as she urged, “Those are only dreams; they can’t hurt


    you because they aren’t real.” “I know that, but what my mom had conveyed to me on the night she


    took her own life had been her true feelings.” The light in his eyes looked as if it was extinguished


    as he gazed at Sonia. “Because of these dreams, I realized that my birth was the reason why my


    mom couldn’t pursue her own happiness. My existence tethered her to the Fuller Family and kept


    her from escaping; I practically pushed my mom into taking her own life.”


    Taken aback by this, Sonia immediately understood that Toby’s deep-seated trauma had not been a


    result of his witnessing his mother’s suicide but of his belief that he was the reason for her death.


    “No, that’s not true!” She shook her head vehemently. “Toby, don’t even for a second believe that


    you caused your mom’s death, and your mom never once thought of you as a burden. Listen to me


    carefully: you only think that you had anything to do with your mom’s suicide because those dreams


    told you so, and you were convinced at a young age that that was the truth. However, your mom


    could never mean what she said that night. You were her son, and there was no way she regretted


    having you, let alone think of you as a burden.”


    If I were in her shoes, and even if I were in love with another man, I would never regret having a


    child with another man. As far as Sonia was concerned, any sensible woman ought to know that


    children were innocent, that she shouldn’t take her resentment out on these children.


    When Toby heard this, something glimmered in his eyes, but it disappeared just as quickly as she


    shook his head. “You’re not her; you can’t possibly know what her thoughts were.”


    “No, I know,” she said solemnly, grabbing his hand tightly in hers as she gave him a firm nod. “Toby,


    I truly believe in what I said. I have heard many stories of you and your mother from Grandma. She


    said your mom was a gentle person who loved you as a mother should, even though she never


    loved your father. But she chose to take up her responsibility as a mother for your sake, and I don’t


    think she ever regretted having you. She only said what she did out of sentiment, musings on what


    could have been if she had taken another road in life. That was not regret, because if it was, she


    wouldn’t have said ‘what if’ but told you right there and then that she regretted giving birth to you.”


    Toby’s eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t get to interject as Sonia went on to say, “Also, if she truly


    did regret having you and thought of you as something that kept her from pursuing her own


    happiness, then she wouldn’t have loved you the way she did. She never would have been a good


    mother to you. On that note, Toby, I conclude that you are only so affected by her words because of


    those nightmares. What you should be aware of is that those nightmares are not reality but a


    manifestation of your childhood trauma. So please, Toby, forget about those words and leave the


    past behind, okay?”


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    A bitter smile curved on his lips. “It’s been over ten years since the nightmares started. I can’t just


    stop having them, you know.”


    “I know, but you’ll have to try and move forward, won’t you?” she pressed. A sudden thought


    crossed her mind, and she rose from the couch to walk to the side of the room, whereupon she


    retrieved a paper bag and walked back to him.


    Under his curious gaze, she reached into the bag and pulled out something.


    It was a scarf, a ck one.


    Just then, Toby’s eyes widened when he remembered asking her to knit him a scarf the day before.


    “Is that—” “This is the scarf you asked me to make. I stayed up all night just to finish knitting it," she


    said as she opened up the scarf and draped it over his nape. “Not bad. It actually looks really good


    on you.”


    She had nned on giving him the scarf on his birthday, but after learning of his shift in personality


    today, she decided to bring it over, hoping that it might help in soothing him or something like that.


    Presently, Toby raised a hand and sunk his fingers into the soft fabric of the scarf hanging from his


    neck. He could pick up a faint, pleasant scent and realized that it was Sonia’s fragrance.


    He couldn’t help but tighten his grip on the scarf, then buried his head into the soft yarn.


    At the sight of this, Sonia added, “It was meant to be your birthday gift, but now that I''ve given it to


    you in advance, I’ll just have to get you something else on the actual day itself.”


    “This is good enough,” he replied, still holding the scarf as he stared at her appreciatively, clearly


    moved by the gift.


    She poured him another ss of warm water. “Would you like some water?”


    He shook his head. “No, thanks.”


    “Okay, I wasn’t actually giving you a choice. You have to drink this. I mean, do you even hear how


    terrible your voice sounds right now?” she asked with a frown.


    If it weren’t for the fact that he had alcohol in his stomach, she would have made him a honey drink


    for his irritated throat.