Chapter 350


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    Colin told me that time would bury everything.


    The temperature in Jinovy reached a record high in mid–April.


    Over the past few months, the 23–year–old me became more mature andposed. Whether I felt


    happy, sad, or angry, it all stayed hidden under my always–smiling mask.


    Helen told me that I had be more aloof. She said that one day, I would be a nun


    who forsook mortal desires.


    Iughed, saying she was exaggerating. But with a serious expression, she told me that if love hurt, it


    was time to let go.


    I knew that, of course.


    But I couldn’t and wouldn’t let go. There was nothing wrong with my rtionship with Colin. The


    problem was Felix.


    I caressed my wet eye corners and asked, “Are you able to let go of Matthew, then?”


    Helen fell silent. Then, she began sobbing until she fell asleep.


    I didn’t tell her that I would never give Colin up. Love never hurt me. What I was feeling was my guilt


    toward Felix.


    I had been dreaming about the Felix from before he turned 18, that handsome young man who stood


    under the garden while gazing at me with his cold eyes.


    His slender fingers snatched my school bag away and put it on his shoulder. He walked in front of me


    reluctantly and would turn around from time to time to ask me to hurry up. If I dallied, we would bete.


    During a PE exam where we had to run for 800 meters, I fell and cut my knees. He chastised me for


    being a dead weight while he ran to the infirmary to get bandages and disinfectant to treat my wound.


    We had made some unforgettable memories together. But many things had happened since then. The


    fondness we felt was slowly reced by resentment.


    Felix and I were not meant to be together. I used to resent him for his heartlessness and cruelty.


    Nevertheless, I wanted him to live happily. I wanted him to be who he used to be.


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    I did not love him. But I did not want to owe him anything either.


    I didn’t have ss on Friday afternoon, so I sat alone in my favorite corridor.


    Too many things had happened in the past six months, so much so that I had not visited my favorite


    ce for a long time.


    The view was still the same, but I wasn’t as carefree as I once was.


    I had once argued with Felix here. I had promised my love for Colin here.


    Here I was at the same spot. Yet the people I knew were long gone.


    “Colin, we haven’t seen each other for six days. How have you been?” I hugged my knees on the


    bench and asked the breeze.


    I didn’t have the courage to bother Colin. He was working very hard for our future. If I called at an


    unfortunate time and it triggered Felix, the oue could be disastrous. Colin’s effort would be in vain,


    and our future would look even more hopeless.


    But I missed him dearly. He spent more than 20 years bing an integral part of couldn’t live without


    him.


    I knew what I wanted now.


    I loved Colin. I loved him deeply.


    my


    life. I


    Colin was enduring pain and suffering in a ce beyond my sight. And I was waiting alone for him to


    bring me good news.


    He was doing everything he could for me. I appreciated that. And I also missed him terribly.


    Helen rarely came back to the apartmenttely. I was all alone in the apartment as if the world had


    abandoned me.


    When I phoned Momst night, I couldn’t hold it back anymore and cried.