Chapter522ApanyYou
EverywordfromLysanderwaslike<b>a</b>smallbutincrediblysharpde.
Thedes,soakedinsaltwaterancedwithpoison,directlycutintohisheart.Belongs to (N)?vel/Drama.Org.
Josiahwouldneverdaretobringupthatmatterordinarily.Everytime herememberedher,aidedbyDaphne,standingfrandaloneinthebitingcoldattheentranceofCentralHospital,clutchingabundleofbrightredwrappedintissues,hewouldfesthoughamassivestonewaspressingagainsthisheart.
Hecouldbarelycatchhisbreath.
Inthepast,everytimeheawokefromanightmare,itwasLysander’sresoluteandindifferentgazegreetedhim.Shewouldhandhimthatobject,deringittobehisbirthdaygift.
that
Nowadays,wheneverheclosedhiseyes<b>,</b>all<b>that</b>echoedinhismindwastheimageofherstandingaloneinthecrampedbathroomstall.Ontheone<b>hand</b><b>,</b>she wasdeterminedtocuttieswiththepast,whileontheother,sheheldontoasliverofhope,constantly ncingatthebathroomdoor,anticipatingittoburst
openatanymoment.
Shewasveryrational,butbethatasitmay,shewasultimatelyhuman,andhumanswereboundtohaveemotions<b>.</b>
Obviously,she’dwonderwhatJosiahwasdoingduringthosefourhourswhenshewastornbetweenherrationalityandemotion,questioningwhyhedidn’tarrivesooner.
LysanderwasrightinthatshehadgivenJosiahmorethanjustoneopportunity.
Yet,timeandagain,shewasmetwithdisappointmentthatleftherheartcold.Finally,intheconfinesofthatcrampedrestroom,sheswallowedapill,andwithit,herheartseemedtodie,too.
Lysandersuddenlychuckled.“Doyouknow,Josiah,seeingyouinsuchpaineasessomeoftheagonyownheart.”
Josiahhadbeenhanginghisheadlow,andwhenhefinallyspoke,hisvoicewassohoarseitwasalmostinaudible.“Idon’tknowwhattosayrightnow.Itseemslikenowordscanmakeupforthepainyou’veenduredinthepast.”
“Thatconceptis,initself,afalseproposition.Nomatterhowmuchyoutrytomakeupforit,thepainexperiencedinthepastisundeniable.Everyminute,everysecondofitwasrendexisted.Itwon’tsimplydisappearbecauseyoutrytomakeupforitafterward.”
“Iunderstand.”
Lysanderslightlyloweredhergaze,lookingdownatherownbelly,gentlytouchingit.“Honestly,Idon’tevenknowwhathappenedtometoday.I’maprofessionalgynecologist,andIneverusedtomakesuch.basicmistakes.It’sbecausethematterofthechildisanunheblewoundfor bothofus,hatwoulstalifetime.Therefore,IwashesitanttoholdMs.Lionhart’schildtoomuch.Whenevershemumbled‘Mommy,Ifelttruly<b>awful</b>.Ifeared thatifIallowedmyselftogrowattachedtoher,myheartwouldbe<b>torn</b>apartoncemorewhenthetimecameforhertobetakenawaybyherownmother.”
<b>my</b>
Josiah’seyeswereseverelyred.Hetookoffhissses,foldedthem,andcasuallysetthemaside.Hehaphazardlywipedthemoisturefromhisfacewithhishand,then<b>took</b>adeepbreath.“Sorry,IwasonlythinkingabouthowbothfamiliescouldassistDaphne.pletelyforgotshewascarryingababy.Ididn’t
meantotieunanumainfulmemoriseforunt“.
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“Painispain,butI’velearnedtoreconcilewithit.Lifeisa constantprocessoflettinggo.Differentpeopleintoyourlife,apanyyouforawhile,andthenpartways,acyclethatrepeatsoverandover.Thosewhohaveleftwillneverreturn.Thepathahead,Imustwalkalone.”
“Iwanttoapanyyouonthisjourney.”
Lysanderdidn’treply.
“IrealizeI’mnotworthy,andIknowthere’snowayI<b>can</b>evermakeupforeverything,butLysander,Iwanttobewithyoufortherestofourlives.Whetherweremarryornotdoesn’tmatteranymore.Ifyou’reokaywithit,that’sgreat.Ifnot,that’sfoo.Wecanjustkeepthingsastheyare.I’llbetherewheneveryouneedme,andI’llstayoutofyoursightwhenyoudon’t.Isthateptable?”
Lysanderchuckled.“AndwhatifIweretomarrysomeoneelse?”
“Youwon’t.”
Lysandersaid coldly,“HowdoyouknowIwon’t?”
“Youareinnatelyproud.Youdon’tloveme,andyouwon’tfallinlovewithanyoneelse.There’snodoubtyou’vetriedbeforetofindsomeonesuitable‘toshareyourlifewith,but<b>you</b>ranintothepitfallthatisZachary.Assuch,you’llneverstepintomarriageagain.AsforAdrian…Fromthefirsttimeyousawhim,youneverconsideredhim<b>as</b>apotentialpartner,andyouneverwill.”
Lysanderremainedsilent.
Josiahsaid.“Youtoldmebeforetoleavethingsastheyare.Iwasn’twillingtoeptitthen.Iwantedtomarryyouagainandhavechildrenwithyou.However,now,Idon’taskforanythinganymore.Ifyousayit’slikethis,thenit’slikethis.I’mfinewiththat.I’mnotgreedy,andI’mverycontent.”
Lysanderturnedherheadtolookoutthewindow.
Attheentranceofthehospital,therewasneverashortageofpitifulsouls.
Anelderlymother,herhairaswhiteassnow,waspushingherhandsomeyoungson,whowasparalyzed.Anordinarydaughterwaskneelingincessantlyatthehospitalentrance,pleadingwiththedoctorstosavetheirfather,whowasalreadycoveredwithawhitesheet.
Everyoneneededtofindrelieffrompain,andLysanderwasnodifferent.
Suddenly,Lysandersaid,“NextmonthewithmetotheDawnbreakChurch.”
Josiahnodded.“Allright.IsthereanythingIneedtoprepare<b>?</b>”
“Noneed.Justlightingacandleforherwillbeenough.”
“Allright.”
Silencefilledtheairforquiteawhileasbothindividualsneededtimetosoothetheiremotions.
After anindeterminateamountoftime<b>had</b>passed,Josiahstartedthecar.
Lysanderasked,“Wherearewegoing?”
Josiahtookseveraldeepbreathsinsession.Hisvoicestillchokedwithemotion.“CentralHospital.”
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Lysanderchuckled.“Whywouldyougoback?Tpensateforthedooryoubroke?”
“Yes,thatisamust.”Josiahstartedthecar,hiseyesfixedontheroadahead.“However,sinceit’snotpregnancy,Iatleastneedtofigureoutwhat’scausingyourvomiting.
Afteralltheaimlessdriving,thecareventuallyreturnedtoCentralHospital..
Lysanderstoodby,herfaceexpressionlessasshewatchedJosiahregisterandtakeanumberforher.
Josiahwasingoodhealthandrarelyvisitedthehospital<b>.</b>Susan’sroutinecheck–upsatthehospitalwereusuallyapaniedbyEleanor.Assuch,Lysanderwonderedhowwouldheknowaboutthehospitalprocedures.
Afterseveralback–and–forth,hewasinstructedbythenursestodownloadthehospital’spublicapp.Josiah,whousuallyheldsignificantswayinHarborbrook,foundhimselfbeingrunraggedbyafewnurses.
Forreasonsunknown,hesuddenlydashedofftothesecondfloor.
Hewastooimpatienttowaitfortheelevator,soheoptedforthestairsinstead.Lysanderwatchedasheaimlesslywanderedaroundthesecondfloorlikeaheadlessfly beforeheeventuallyranbackdown.Afterscanningthelobby,hefinallyspottedherlocation.
WhenJosiahapproached,hisstepshadnoticeablylightened.“Lysander,didyoubringyourIDcard?ThereceptiondeskmentionedthatyourIDcardisrequiredforregistration.”
Lysanderstaredathim,hisforeheadbeadedwithalinesheenofsweat,hischestcontinuouslyheavingwitheachbreath.Sheslowlyasked,“Whichdepartmentareyounningtosendmeto?”
“Ihadaskedthereceptionistdeskandtoldthemaboutyoursymptoms.TheysuggestedIfirstregisteryoufortheinternalmedicinedepartment.”
Lysanderlookedathim,remainingsilent.
Josiahfrownedslightly.“Isthatnotright?Letmegoandask<b>again</b>.Waitformeamoment-”
“Josiah.”
Hehalted.“What’swrong?”
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