Chapter 44: Comparism


    Sage Miller


    It seems I honestly don''t y any fucking role in my life anymore. Shit just happens and I''m like, ''oh


    this is what we''re doing right now?ok''.


    I genuine don''t know what the fuck happening in my life anymore. Everything is just going sideways.


    "What?" I asked shocked. My eyes found Sebastian and he was already looking at me.


    I fucking hate how stoic he always is.


    "What?" Styles asked back frowning.


    I hate how he''s acting like he doesn''t get what I''m talking about.


    "Am I not getting one?" I didn''t mean to raise my voice at him but I did.


    I felt betrayed in a way. I''m always with Styles not Sebastian. Should I not get a gun too?


    Don''t I deserve it? I''ve been loyal haven''t I?


    But I truly didn''t mean to raise my voice at him.


    After all he''s still the Godfather. People fear him. Even me.


    "You''re not ready to carry a gun." He exined casually but I wasn''t having it.


    I thought I caught a reaction from Sebastian, shock maybe but when I looked again he was stoic. Like


    he always is.


    Fuck him, right?


    "And he is ready?" I asked pointing at Sebastian. "He is fucking ready?"


    The anger I was trying so much to conceal was now showing. Flooding through my system.


    Styles looked up at me for the first time. When my eyes met his I took a step back.


    It was no secret how intimidating his eyes were. He struck fear into anyone with only his eyes.


    And right now his eyes were zing with fire, irritation and annoyance.


    "Yes Sage, he is fucking ready." He dered and turned to Sebastian. "Pack the guns."


    The way he ordered him told me how furious and irritated he was.


    He was in no mood for shit.


    Although I was furious and frustrated I knew when to take a step back when ites to Styles.


    Styles eruptly started walking away towards the lounge.


    I stood there not knowing what to do with myself.


    Sebastian packed the guns and followed Styles. He stopped when he realised I wasn''t following.


    "Aren''t youing?" He asked me but at that moment I didn''t want to hear his voice or even see his


    face.


    I resented Sebastian so much at that time that if I had a gun in my hand I''d shoot his motherfucking


    face without a second thought.


    At the same time I felt so much envy when I looked at him.


    It wasn''t enough that he took my co-captainship. He had to get the gun when I didn''t.


    What does he have that I don''t huh?


    "Fuck off." I blew him off and walked fast passing him standing there looking like he''s so better than to


    react.


    I heard him sigh then I heard his footsteps behind me and I just walked faster.


    I made it to the front and Styles was already waiting by the car.


    "I don''t have all day. I have ces to be." He said and Sebastian took the keys out of his pocket and


    unlocked the car.


    I didn''t feel like getting in the same car as fucking Sebastian.


    So I walked past Styles and the car. I would find my own way home.


    Fuck both of them. I thought bitterly. They can both suck my dick.


    "Where the fuck are you going?" I heard Styles call.


    "Home." I yelled back at him.


    "If that''s the case you''re going the wrong way." He told me and I flipped him.


    "I don''t care." I yelled back again and didn''t change the direction.


    I just kept walking.


    It was quiet for about a minute until the car pulled up next to me.


    I looked up and saw Sebastian in the driver''s seat. I clicked my tongue and looked somewhere else


    and walked faster.


    "Sage get in the damn car." Styles said and I rolled my eyes.


    "No thank you. I''ll find my own way home." I told both of them and walked faster than before.


    I was basically speed walking but it didn''t matter much because they were in a car and I was on my


    legs.


    "Stop acting like a pmsing bitch and get in the car." It wasn''t Styles who said that but Sebastian.


    I stopped and my head snapped towards him. I red at him.


    "Did you just call me a bitch?" I asked him and the car stopped. "Get out of the damn car so I can


    fucking show you a bitch."


    "I''ll be fucking d to knock some sense into you with my fucking fist." He spat back and I was fucking


    ready for him.


    I took my stand and as he was ready to get out Styles snapped.


    "Sage get in the fucking car now." I froze when Styles roared.


    I didn''t alter any other word. I did exactly what he said.


    I slowly opened the door and got.


    All the way back to the warehouse no one said anything. Everyone was stuck in their own head.


    I hadn''t realised we were back at the warehouse until I noticed the car wasn''t moving anymore.


    Styles and Sebastian were already out of the car. Tim approached Styles and they shared a silence


    conversation.


    Sebastian handed Tim the car keys and went inside the warehouse.


    I waited a few seconds before I made my way toward the entrance. I didn''t join any of the guys, I


    opened Styles office and sat on the sofa.


    I leaned back and rested my head. My body was so stiff and tense. I still hadn''t gotten over the fact that


    styles chose him over me.


    And I don''t think I''ll ever get over it really.


    I meant am I useless? Don''t I deserve a gun? Am I not good enough for me?


    The questions kepting back to me and I kept asking myself these question and I couldn''t find the


    answers.


    I just don''t get it. It seems like Sebastian is better than me in every damn thing.


    It''s like he''s good enough and I''m not. It''s not just about the co-captainshipor him getting the gun


    anymore.


    It''s the way he looks at me. I know he fucking thinks he''s better and fucking untouchable.


    You can tell by the way he damn walk. He thinks he''s some big shot or something. He fucking believes


    it in fact.


    The door suddenly opened and I jumped even when I knew who it was.


    I was so lost in my head just then that he surprised me.


    "Didn''t expect you''d be here." Styles said and closed the door.


    He gracefully walked around the room and circled the his table.


    He then ced the case with guns on the table and opened it.


    Styles is so perfect in everything he does. He is a damn perfection. A God even.


    I wonder how he does it. He never trips on anything. Every move is calcted and executed with so


    much grace that everything is so unnatural.


    "I can leave if you want." I said and I was already standing.


    "Sit the fuck down Sage." Hemanded and I did what he said. "I''m in no fucking mood to entertain


    your fucking childish tantrums."


    I sunk on the sofa feeling so small and worthless.


    "Stop acting like a fucking child. This is the exact reason I didn''t give you a gun and it seems like you''re


    not getting it anytime soon. You''re are not a fucking child, you''re not ying house with your stupid


    friends anymore. This is real life and if you don''t grow up and act like a fucking responsible man and


    stop sucking like a two year old, maybe. Just maybe I''ll reconsider but until you''ve proven yourself that


    I can trust you to responsibly carry a gun you ain''t getting shit."


    He rarely used his full on English ent unless he was truly pissed.


    He was breathing hard like he was holding back on saying everything in his head.


    "Do we fucking understand each other?" He asked and I gave him a curt nod. "I said do we fucking


    understand each other?"


    "Yeah we do." I replied low.


    "Good. Now let''s talk business. You have a delivery tonight at D''s strip club." He told me.


    "Does Seba-" I shutted myself up when he shot me a nasty re. "I mean can I bring someone,


    Sebastian maybe."


    That''s not what I wanted to say and I''m pretty sure he knew that.


    "No." He replied shortly.


    "Can I trust you to do the delivery or are you gonna continue being aplete bitch?" He rhetorically


    asked.


    "I can." I firmly told him and took up and approached him to get the details.


    "It''s just a drop-off only. No collection." He told me and proceeded go give me the full details.


    Including how much merch I''ll be dropping off.


    I listened carefully so I didn''t screw it up. But it''s not like I''ve ever screwed a drop-off before.


    But just in case this is some test. I was so determined to pass if that''s the case.


    "What are you fucking staring at?" I barked at Kate besides me.


    Her eyes went on the floor or on me like they should''ve been.


    "N...nothing." She stammered and looked down.


    Even a dayter my foul mood didn''t seem to get any better or simmer. In fact people seem to go out of


    their shitty ways to piss me off.


    I don''t fucking know why but they''re truly fucking with me.


    "That wasn''t nothing. Who the fuck were you staring at?" I asked her and looked around to hopefully


    find the fucker she was looking at.


    I looked around the hallway but no one caught my attention but I was still irked.


    "I promise Sage. I wasn''t looking at anyone. I only have eyes for you." She whispered thest part and


    even if I didn''t want to admit it.


    It calmed me down a bit. I calmed down and grabbed her hand. A bit rough if I might add.


    She winced but didn''t pull it away like she normally did.


    I was d because today I didn''t have the mental capacity of dealing with her rebel self.


    It''s doesn''t help that I know that tomorrow is Alora''s birthday but it isn''t just her birthday.


    Tomorrow marks a year of fully knowing Alora. It was at her party that we started talking after all.


    A year ago everything seemed so easy and simple that it is right now.


    A year ago we agreed to keep our rtionship simple and casual. Now a yearter I''m hung up on her.


    I''m looking for her in every girl I fucked.


    It''s fucked up. Kate is paying for Alora''s actions. It''s more than fucked up really but I still can''t help it.


    So much has happened in a year. My life has changed so much since I met her.


    I''m not sure I regret meeting her or not.


    I want to regret it but deep down I know I''d do it all over again.


    I''d go through it all just to see her again. Just to be with her one more time. Just to make her smile all


    over again.


    I''d go through all the pain, the rejection, theughter just to call her Smurf again.


    I stopped at the threshold of Kate''s ss and finally let got of her wrist.


    She pulled down her sleeves to hide the slight bruise I just caused. She''s doing that a lottely and I''m


    not proud of myself for what I do to her.


    But I can''t help it. I do wish to stop.


    "Be at my ss as soon as the bell rings." I told her and she nodded.


    I snaked my arm around her waist and yanked her to me.


    I inhaled her from the base of her neck to her ear. She smelled nice.


    Like the perfect distraction. The one I need right now.


    I pecked her ear softly. Then I kissed her cheek andstly my lips met hers.


    Her breath hitched and I just kissed her. Taking everything she had to give.


    Her life, herself, her love. I took it all without giving anything in return.


    She responded enthusiastically and excitedly.


    After a couple of seconds I pulled away. I ced my cheek on hers.


    My lips were near her ear.


    "Remember, I''m watching. I''m always watching. I have eyes and ears everywhere." I reminded her and


    unwrapped myself from her.


    She was still in a daze but she didn''t fall when I let her go.


    I knew she heard me.


    "Go to ss." I told her and monitored for her to go.


    It took a couple of seconds for her to fully registered what I said.


    She snapped out of the daze and turned around.


    "See you soon." She said cheerfully and entered the ssroom.


    I hadn''t kissed her in weeks and maybe I needed that too.


    I watched her until she sat down before I turned around to go to my own ss.


    I was d I didn''t have this ss with Sebastian because fuck, I couldn''t look at him and be sober at


    the same time.


    His face gets me from zero to prison real motherfucking quick right now.


    "You okay mate?" I heard Connor asked.


    "I''m good." I lied. "Why?"


    I was far from good but I wasn''t looking forward to answering Connor''s questions.


    I looked at Connor. He was so different from his half-brother but at the same time they were so alike


    that it was freaking me out.


    "Your eye is twitching." He told me. I frowned


    "What?" I asked him even when I heard exactly what he said.


    "Your eye is doing that thing, twitching like you''re gonna explode or some shit." He exined.


    I tried my best to breath in and out so I could calm down.


    I could feel what Connor was saying. I felt like I would explode too.


    "I''ll be fine Connor." I told him after a while.


    For the first time Connor understood that I wasn''t in the mood to talk and I was fucking grateful.


    Maybe it was that my eye was twitching but I was really grateful he didn''t pry.


    The ss went by quick and soon I was home. Connor had a race tonight so I was alone.


    I sat on my bed and my mind kept going back to one person. And only one person upied my mind.


    I remembered everything, every memory and everyugh.


    I might not admit it but she was the best thing that ever happened to me.


    My life has always revolved around Eve but when she came along. She offered me a breath of fresh


    air.


    She was something I was always excited about.


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    I went to my desk and tore a page out of a book. I took a pen and wrote Alora''s name on top.


    I didn''t exactly know what I wanted to say. I had so many things I wish I call tell her but every time I


    open my mouth to tell her I loose all ability to speak and forget everything.


    Alora


    I feel so stupid writting this letter not because you''re stupid but because I am. I mean who even writes


    letters in this century. I mean a phone call or DM would be suited but someone special taught me that


    whenever there''s just too much to say, write a letter.


    I hope someday I have the courage to give you this letter because I don''t think I have the strength to


    say all this to your face but until then I''ll continue to add more sentences, paragraphs until I''ve written


    everything I wish to tell you.


    Believe it when someone tell you that boys are horrible and handling emotions because I suddenly felt


    so suffocated by everything I was feeling.


    I eruptly stood up and took my car keys and left. I knew where my mind was taking me so I let it.


    I was so sick of being a sissy and a pussy.


    If I had something to tell Alora I would do it in her face. No more hiding.


    Today I will man up.


    The truth is I missed her. I wanted her. I miss seeing her smile and hearing herugh.


    I just wanted to see her onest time. Just once then I''ll be fine.


    I don''t know what time it was, 10 maybe I''m not sure.


    I parked my car across the street from her house and just watched the house.


    I remember when I''d park right here in my white Audi and call her and she''de out running.


    Those time seem so distance. It feels like it was a life time ago. Back then it was easy.


    I sat in my car with my phone in my hand wondering if this is one of those many mistakes I make.


    Thest time I saw her we weren''t in good terms but we never are.


    I dialed her number because I know it by heart. Her name appeared and tapped it.


    I spent some time arguing with myself whether to call or text.


    A simple decision was draining me emotionally and I didn''t like it.


    I then realised I actually don''t know what I would say if she picked up. I don''t know why I''m here.


    I don''t even know what I wanna tell her.


    I heaved an exhausted sighed and leaned back.


    I settled on texting her.


    First I wrote hey then cleared it.


    I could see her car in her driveway.


    My phone suddenly rang in my hand and startled me I dropped it on myp.


    I took a second and picked it up and Connor''s name shed on the screen.


    I rxed my body which I didn''t realised was stiff.


    I swiped on the screen on put the phone in my ear.


    "Connor." I said looking straight at Alora''s room.


    "Man, where are you? I left my keys this morning." He asked me.


    "Umm.... I''ll be there in twenty." I stammered and didn''t answer his question.


    "Don''t sweat it. I''ll go to mom''s, it sounds like you''re busy." He told me.


    "No it''s fine. I''m not busy just went for a drive." I half lied and the light on Alora''s room came on.


    But only for a moment before it switch off again.


    "Okay see you then." He said.


    "Sure." I said and hung up.


    I looked at the time and it was just two minutes after midnight.


    It was officially Alora''s birthday.


    My screen showed that I was still about to send Alora a DM.


    I decided then what to text her.


    Happy birthday Smurf- S


    It was simple. I added Smurf so she''d know who sent it even of she deleted my number.


    I watched the text and the info. In seconds it showed that she just read it.


    My heart jumped a beat then I was typing. I waited to see what she wanted to text back.


    Two minutester the word typing went away.


    I felt my throat going drying and a big lump growing in my throat.


    The disappointment was real and painful.


    I couldn''t handle it. I couldn''t deal with it.


    I threw my phone on the passengers seat and started my car.


    I speed off the street feeling like and idiot for even thinking about her.


    What was exactly thinking that if I texted her happy birthday she''de running back to my arms.


    Honestly, yes. That''s what I thought. I thought she''d text back at the least.


    I heard a knock on my door. I didn''t bother going to school or even the warehouse today.


    The person was persistence because he kept knocking.


    I don''t know why he was so persistent because the light were all off to male people think there''s no one


    inside.


    He knocked again and again until I had had enough.


    I groaned and stood up dragging my feet.


    He knock again.


    "I''ming." I yelled angrily and switch on the light.


    The light blinded me for a moment and took a couple of seconds to adjust to the lighting.


    I opened the door and it felt like the air was knocked right out of my lungs.


    "Alora."


    -----


    Any thoughts, I like listening to your opinions.


    What do think Alora''s doing at Sage''s house? Will she yell at him or ?What will happen.


    I don''t have loads to say other than please vote andment


    I love you all


    Prec