Chapter 16
Sage Miller
I was almost d summer is almost over. Looking back I realized how much crazy the summer has
been. I realized that I didn''t even celebrate 4th of July but it''s not like I''ve ever celebrated it.
I won''t say I''m happy to wake up early and having to deal with insufferable teachers.
Well I look at it this way, only two years until I''m out of that shit whole. So that''s a plus right?
It''s been two weeks straight since Ist saw Alora. Guilt wouldn''t let me go through with what I told her
and pride didn''t let me apologize.
I''ll admit this much, I did shameless things. I hid my number and called her numerous times and said
nothing when she answered just to hear her voice.
I''m pathetic right?
I miss her but I can''t have her nor do I wanna lose her. I can''t stay with her and I don''t wanna keep her
either.
It''s fucked up. I''m fucked up.
At least one positive thing came out of this summer, I got to do the only thing worth doing, spending
time with Eve.
She has been more calmer and rxed even though I dealt with a few breakdown courtesy of Styles.
But I would choose those breakdown than dealing with an aftermath after ra break her.
Well Styles..... Styles is the Godfather. There''s nothing I can do about it. That one night I got to see him
vulnerable was never mentioned. It was as if it never happened. Either he doesn''t remember or he''s
pretending but either way, I never brought it up.
Things between us are different yet the same.
He gets pissed when I spend too much time at Zac''s. Especially when Mason''s there.
It''s still a mystery how he knows everytime Mason is there.
Sebastian is another story on its own. He''s pissy and it''s annoying. I choose to avoid him most of the
time.
Well Connor is still Connor. He gets busy with his night job and we find time to party when he''s free.
I can say it''s been a good summer just not the one I had nned.
My phone vibrated as I opened the door . I took it out and my lips curved upwards.
''Shopping this Saturday. And I''m not asking it''s an order. It''s your big sis talking''
I smiled brighter reading the text from Eve. She was pulling rank on me. it''s funny because I look older
than her. People often mistake me for the older sibling.
''I thought you hatred shopping?''. I replied and not even secondster a response appeared on the tiny
screen.
"I don''t anymore.''
We texted for almost twenty minutes before we said our goodbyes. About a year ago we didn''t do this.
We didn''t text sharing funny stories.
About a year ago our lives were different. We fought just to make it through the night.
"Mummies and zombies aren''t the same." Connor argued once more.
We just finished watching ''The mummy'' but I couldn''t even remember how we got to this argument.
"Yes they are." I repeated for the thousand time.
"Your hypothesis is disproved by all the data. You''re just clinging to your logic out of stupid
stubbornness." He said and I gasped.
"You''re showing a shocking ignorance at the subject at hand." I argued back. I''m stubborn, I can''t help
it but on this case I wasn''t just stubborn.
"Mummies are wrapped in bandages and they dont eat brains." He pointed out.
"That''s called a fashion choice as for the brain part, that''s a lifestyle choice. They might be vegan." I
stated in a matter of fact.
He huffed in annoyance. This argument was dragging on forever because someone AKA Connor didn''t
wanna agree that zombies and mummies are the same.
"If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie however if a mummy bites you, you turn into a dickhead
with a mummy bite." He smugly said with a stupid smirk.
"That''s where you''re wrong because-." As I was about to prove this fucker wrong. The door bell rang.
At first I ignored it not really wanting to go open the door.
"You go get it." I told Connor but Connor wasn''t having any of it.
"No you get it. I got it when the pizza guy was here. It''s your turn dude."
Stupid agreement. We had an agreement that we''d take turns answering the door.
I huffed and stood up marching to the door already annoyed at the person on the other side of the door.
As soon as I opened the door my jaw dropped. I was suddenly d Connor wasn''t the one who
opened the door.
"Seb." I breathed out. Shock was evident in my voice and face.
He had his hands in his pocket and he was staring at his shoes.
Seeing his standing in my door step was so damn unreal. I had to blink to really believe what I was
seeing.
"Can we.. umm.. can we talk?" He asked hesitantly.
When I didn''t reply he looked up. His brown eyes showed how guilty he really was and my heart went
put for him.
Sebastian Wilder
My life wasn''t easy but it didn''t matter much because I had made peace with it.
Mom chose doing heroin over me. She chose her countless boyfriends over me over and over again
until I decide I didn''t care anymore. I wanted to move out.
So when Sage told me Connor was staying with him I felt like he was choosing him over me too. I felt
neglected and hurt. It felt like he was choosing someone else over me too.
And the truth is, I''m insecure.
It felt exactly how I felt every time mom chose something or someone over me.
Another person choosing everything over me. It stung like a bitch.
I might have said somethings I didn''t mean and stayed away out of stubbornness of not wanting to
apologize.
And when I saw how the Godfather liked him. I became more bitter. I was envious of him. I always have
been.
I wasn''t like him. People didn''t like me like they did him. I still wonder how Connor and Sage could
stand me.
After all, my own mother couldn''t stand me. Her own son. Her own flesh and blood.
In the process of my stupidity I lost the only two people who could stand me.
I was never good meeting new people. I''m antisocial and an asshole. I don''t know how to put my foot
on my mouth.
Sage was an asshole but he was nice enough for people to like him. His charm got him everything. The
girls and he could get out of any trouble using just his smile.
Connor. Well Connor is nice. I mean really fucking nice. People like him. Everyone, even I like him. And
when I told Sage Connor wasn''t my friend. I lied.
He''s my friend. One of my best friend even and I feel so fucking guilty that I ruined his life.
Sometimes I wonder why are they still my friends.
People don''t like me. Their afraid of me. I try so hard to be nice but they just feel so intimidated and I
fucking hate that they flinch whenever I''m near.
Sage knows about my life. Well not all of it but he knows enough and so does Connor.
They know that mom is a crack hoe who couldn''t care two cent about her piece of shit son.
But what they don''t know is that for as long as I can remember I had to live on the neighbor''s handouts.
Their left over.
If it weren''t for a neighbor who enrolled me in school I wouldn''t have went to one. That''s why I''m
eighteen years in junior year.
I''de back from school to find her past out on the sofa or high as a kite that she couldn''t tell if I was
standing in front of her.
But I''d love her then. As a seven year old. I''d clean after her and found whatever left over I''d find and if
they weren''t any, I''d go to bed in an empty stomach and waited for tomorrow when Sage would bring
me lunch.
I always opted to go to Sage''s house after school so I could at least eat. It sounds pathetic now but
Sage never saw it as that.
I never knew my father, just like Connor but that was okay. I''d still loved my mom back then. I''d sit by
her side when she was sick.
Eventually her boyfriends started beating me up and I hid it well. And when Sage''s mom started being
gone for days I''d spend my days at his house to avoid going home.
Eventually I got fed up with mom, stopped loving her and joined a gang for money. The pay was good
and I could be an asshole and didn''t have to worry about being liked.
Because the more asshole you are. The more popr you''ll be.
I got my self an apartment. It isn''t nice but it''s my ce and no one can beat me up.
That''s the story I didn''t like dwelling on.
Overall when Sage told me it''s best if we don''t go inside because Connor was staying with him. I felt
neglected, like he was choosing him.
Standing on his door step. I was ready to fix everything. I wanted my best friend back. I know Connor
will never forgive me but at least I would''ve tried. But fuck, I was nervous as hell.
And before I can talk to Connor I needed to talk to Sage first.
I knocked on the door. I''m just hoping Sage will be the one opening the door.
I knocked again and because I know howzy Sage can be.
My head was hung low and my hands were shaking so I put them in my pocket.
The door opened and I slowly looked up.
"Seb." Sage breathed out. I was so relived he was the one to open.
And the way he said my name fooled my mind that things were okay. That I wasn''t miserable. But only
for a while.
"Can we.. umm.. can we talk?" I asked not sure if I still had the privilege.
"Yeah we can." He sounded relieved.
"Is Connor inside?" I asked again.
"Yeah he is." He sighed. "He still pissed so it''s best of we talk out here."
Tell me about it. I saw his anger first hand when I went to his house to apologize.
I followed Sage to his car and he leaned against it. I just stood there not knowing what to do. I shifted
my weight from one foot to another.
Sage opened his mouth then closed it.
"I think you know what I want to say." As soon as those words left my mouth I mentally kicked myself
so hard.
I never had to apologize and mean it in my life and it proved to be more difficult than my head made it
out to be. Being real was more difficult than being angry.
"Actually I don''t Sebastian. Maybe a few weeks back I would''ve been able to guess but right now I
have no expectations. I don''t know if you came here to throw more insults in my face or to apologize. I
don''t know."
Again, my gut twisted with guilt. I ruined good things because I was blinded by rage and filled
insecurities.
I swore a while ago that I would never apologise to anyone ever again. My mom''s boyfriends ruined
that for me.
They''d beat me up and I had to apologize and grovel at their feet for a piece of bread. When I was old
enough I swore to never apologise to anyone.
But for my friendship I''ll try the best I can to apologize. I''ll swallow my pride and apologise the best I
can.
"You''re right. I''ve fucked up. I med you for my mistakes. I med everyone for my screw up except
myself, the only person who was responsible. I''ve been bitter and unbearable. I pushed away the only
people who can stand me because I didn''t wanna admit I screwed up. That I fucked up bad. I''ll admit,
at the beginning I didn''t see my mistakes. I mean you were doing it so why couldn''t I. My mistake was
not considering my friend''s feelings because like it or not, Connor is my friend too. I shouldn''t have
done what I did. I disrespected Ms Simpson and hurt my friend."
Sage listened without interrupting me. That''s why I''m friends with him. I can vent to him and he''d listen
without saying anything until I need him to.
Not many friends are like them. No one wants to listen to someone whine andin while they
could be doing something better.
"I actually didn''t see my mistakes until I heard Connor''s words two weeks ago. When I saw Ms
Simpson''s face I realised my w. I reaped a family apart. When Connor said Ms Simpson wasn''t her
mother. It broke something in me. Her cries as Connor walked away haunt me in my sleep. I guess I
deserves that after what I did. And when I went there to actually apologised I knew I wouldn''t have
meant it. I went there just to say I''m sorry so you''d think- I don''t know. It would''ve been an empty
apology. Then I couldn''t deal with the fact that I ruined something because it reminded so much of
mom''s words. I was in denial and I was ming you because you kept saying I should own up to my
mistake and what I didn''t wanna do. Then you started hanging with the Godfather and I couldn''t even
join you because I was a fuckhead. I started being bitter and resenting you for it. It actually took a
druggie in my building I''m dealing to that I''ve been hanging with thest couple of weeks to snap me
out of my daze. Then it took me days to actually get the guts toe here. I actually stood across the
street for hours. I.."
I realised that I was rambling. I inhaled ready to finish my monologue.
"All I''m saying is that I fucked that. This is me owning up to my screw up. I know Connor won''t forgive
me but I''ll try. And I''ve been miserable without you and I mis....."
"Alright." Sage started raising his hands. "I get it. You can''t live without me."
I rolled my eyes at his attempt to lighten the mood. And it worked.
That''s another reason why I''m friends with him. He may be an asshole but he''s a good friend. He can
make light of any situation.
"You just ruined how I look at you." He chuckled and I followed nervously rubbing the back of my neck.
"On a serious note. You fucked up and ruined my summer ns. We could''ve been hanging out with
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the Godfather together for fuck sakes." He threw his hands in the air dramatically.
How can I forget, he''s a woman in a body of a man.
"But Connor will forgive you. He''s good like that and maybe if you actually include the word sorry in
your speech when telling him, he may forgive you."
"I did say sorry though." I defend myself.
"You wish. You never said that word. All you spewed out was a bunch of excuse but you never said
sorry." He argued.
I did include the word. That was the whole point of the speech right. To say sorry. I did say it. I think.
"You''re lucky it''s just me and in your apology add a year supply gummy bears. He won''t resist it. He''s
hooked on that shit."
"What?" Iughed hearing this. "He''s What? I don''t believe you."
We bothughed together.
"It''s true. He won''t admit it but he buys a bunch of it and eat it all in less than two days." He told me
trying to sober up.
"That doesn''t mean he''s addicted." I defended him because there''s no way someone can be addicted
on such a juvinial thing.
"One time I hid them and he borrowed my car in the middle of the night to buy it at the convenience
store. When he came back I looked at his receipt I saw he went to buy gummy bears. And one time I
hid his whole stock and he went shit on me calling me name until I gave it back."
"So it''s true." This shit is way too funny.
"Yeah."
"So I''ll make sure to buy some."
We sobered up and stood there in silence.
"So do you wannae inside to apologize now." He teased amused.
"I''m d you find my situation funny-"
"I do." He admitted.
"-but no. I''ve had enough of apologising for one day."
"But you didn''t apologize." He pointed out.
"Yes I did. I recited a while speech of how sorry I am."
"Whatever makes you sleep at night man but you didn''t apologize."
"Whatever I''m going now." I told him already walking away.
"Hey Seb." I heard Sage calling me so I turned around.
"Yeah." I walked back to him.
"Umm. I was thinking you could maybe, I don''t know. Join me and Styles this Saturday at the Arena. I
was thinking of fighting since its been a while." He told me.
"Styles." I raised my brow at him.
"I mean the Godfather." He said and my mouth formed an ''o''.
"Yeah he asked me toe so I thought maybe I would fight since it''s been so long." He exined
himself.
I was at the Arenast week and I fought but I didn''t tell him that. I was more worried about the
Godfather. He didn''t date my sister so I don''t know how he''ll take it when I crash their- whatever it is
they call it.
Fuck I''m being bitter again. I cleared my throat and asked.
"Will it be fine though? I mean the Godfather. Will he be okay with it?"
"Leave that to me. I''m training with him tomorrow so I''ll tell him." He said.
I couldn''t help but be envious of his rtionship with the Godfather. He talks about him like he''s no big
deal when in fact he''s the top dog.
"Ok." I agreed.
"Yeah see you tomorrow."
I shoved my hands in my pocket and disappeared into the night.