Chapter 65: 65. Still Confused


    Asahd’s POV:


    I went up the huge stairway with a smile on my lips. I’d finally admitted it and had told her. What had


    convinced me that it was love I felt for her, were howplicated my feelings were concerning her.


    How jealous I was towards Noure but most especially, how Sa?da made me feel. She made me feel like


    no other girl had before. I could spend a week away from all of my former girlfriends or stay without


    seeing them for days, yet I’d never reacted the way I’d done with Sa?da.


    Irony was, Sa?da had not even been away. She’d been in that pce with me throughout that week, yet


    I missed and craved her like she was a thousand miles away from me.


    I’d felt like if I had not kissed her before retiring to my room, I would’ve gone crazy or something. The


    need to kiss her had caused some heat and frustration in me, making me ufortable and making it


    feel like my tie was choking me and my suit swallowing me up or something. My reaction had surprised


    me because never ever had it happened before. My heart was palpitating and all I’d thought of was to


    find her and kiss her. Kiss my frustration and desire away for a while. Because for sure, they weren’t


    gone and would never be.


    ′If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.


    It is love. But with a tad bit of obsession in it. Perfect.′


    I thought in amusement, finally getting to the top of the stairway. I couldn’t keep the smile I had on, off


    my face. Still feeling the taste of her strawberry ChapStick, I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. I had to


    have her. I had to.


    --


    Sa?da’s POV:


    It’d been thirty minutes since Asahd had left me in a terrible state of confusion, anxiety and want. I


    stared at my reflection in the mirror of my bath. I’d sobbed a little and so my face was stained with dried


    tears. I was so confused and my heart seemed to ache. I couldn’t stop thinking of his words..


    -I’m deeply in love with you, Sa?da...-


    I buried my face in my palms again. I had mixed feelings. I was sad because my head was even more


    messed up as well as my feelings, but deep down somewhere in me, his confession had caused a


    sweet spark, a sweet feeling. One that felt like either relief or happiness. I didn’t know which exactly


    and all the thinking made my head hurt.


    ′Sa?da you love Noure.′


    I tried hard to keep my thoughts focused on that. On Noure.


    “I have to go see him,” I thought, bending over and opening the sink to wash my face. “I have to tell him


    not toe here until our engagement. We’ll meet elsewhere. But never here. Not with Asahd around.”


    I’d taken Asahd’s little threat seriously. I knew what he was capable of. He had no shame and definitely


    did not care. And cherry on top, he was so stubborn and would ignore my pleas if I went to beg him.


    Proof was when, during ourst night in New York, I’d begged him to stay away from me once back in


    Zagreh. He was so stubborn and literally argued with me. I’d begged him and had tried to convince him


    but it seemed like I’d been talking to a brick wall. If I’d not used the ruse of telling him that if he cared


    for me, he had to stay away, Asahd would’ve never epted. And even till then, it was lie! He’d


    promised and yet, he kissed me and broke his promise a week after our return. Some part of me knew


    it would happen, that he would break it, but I’d wanted to be optimistic. To believe he would keep it!


    What had just happened was another proof. I’d begged him not to approach me, to leave me alone but


    he caught and kissed me.


    I’d begged him to stop but he’d kissed me deeper. I’d asked him why he was doing this to me but he


    ignored my pleas and question. He told me...he loved me. I begged him not to say that, but he


    repeated it, being deaf to every single plea of mine. I told him I loved Noure to drive him away but he


    mocked it off, calling my words “bber” and saying that he’d note to listen to me but for me to


    listen to him. He’d actually threatened to react inappropriately if he saw Noure and I in the pce


    together. I saw in his eyes that he meant every single word.


    That was who I was messing with. That was Asahd Usa?d. Once he’d set his mind on something, it was


    rare that he changed ns. He was so stubborn and determined.


    What disturbed me most was that I knew that deep down, I loved his way of being. I liked how stubborn


    and determined he was. Yes I was begging him to stop and when he didn’t, it would awaken something


    in me, cause a sweet reaction deep down, hidden somewhere in me. That was just how confused I


    was. I couldn’t exin what was happening to me. The fact I was denying and finding it hard to admit


    was that Asahd had touched a spot in me. He’d awakened something in me. It had forced me to have


    feelings for two men at the same time. I loved Noure but what I felt for Asahd had no name. It was a


    mystery to me. It’d caused so much confusion in me and seemed to grow even more powerful with


    each day. What could I do to get rid of it? Did I want to get rid of it?


    “Oh no,” I covered my face again, feeling my eyes prickle.


    ′Is it because he made me discover a lot of things I never had, before?? That must be it! Maybe that’s


    the secret. Or is it? It must be.′


    I left my bathroom with more confused thoughts. I grabbed my phone and texted Noure. He soon


    replied:


    -Sure my love. We can meet. Come to my ce, my parents are gone for the day.-


    -okay.-


    I immediately wore my ts and left.


    ***


    Noure and I were seated in his parents huge living room.


    “So how are you doing, my love?” he asked, kissing the top of my hand.


    “I’m okay,” I cleared my throat a little. “Darling I came to tell you that maybe we should stop meeting in


    the pce.”


    “Why?”


    “I think my father doesn’t really like the idea of us seeing each this often,” I lied.


    “But sweetheart you are finally twenty and our engagement is close. Our parents have finally allowed


    us to see each other a little bit more.”


    “Yes, but I think my father isn’t still okay with it. Please understand me.”


    “Hm. Okay my dear. You cane here whenever you want.”


    “Thank you,” I smiled, relieved. I leaned in and was going to kiss his cheek but he moved a little and I


    ended up kissing his chin.


    ’...-You missed, Saida.-...′


    I heard Asahd’s amused voice in my own head!


    I froze and looked at Noure, hoping he would say the same thing. But instead, he chuckled a little.


    “Was it on purpose?” he mused.


    “No,” I muttered, feeling a bit disappointed. “I was aiming for your cheek.”


    “Are you okay? You look kinda worried or something.”


    “I’m fine,” I forced a smile.


    “Oh. Well I want to kiss you on the lips,” he smiled and leaned in to kiss me.


    I kissed him back in frustration and hoping he would cause something in me like the very first time we


    kissed. But nothing happened and so I kissed him deeper, holding his face in my hands.


    I felt a lump in my throat as I did so because I still felt nothing at all. And something was irritating me.


    The fact that he did nothing but kiss me back, his hands on my waist. He didn’t caress or hold me tight


    against him till my breasts pressed t against his chest. Till I could feel his heartbeat. He didn’t


    murmur how much he wanted me against my lips, the way Asahd always did.


    “Noure, please touch me,” the words left my mouth in a low whisper before I could think. I hoped he


    hadn’t heard but apparently he had. Noure was clearly surprised because he slowly broke the kiss and


    looked at me. I reddened.


    “Darling, what is it?” he asked with concern. “You’re acting quite strangely today. Is everything alright?”


    ′No. no.′


    “Yeah, I–I’m just tired,” I stood. “Lemme go home and rest.”


    “Okay, my Darling. I’ll just drive you back.”


    “Okay.”


    C0ntent ? 2024 (N/?)velDrama.Org.


    -


    He drove me back to the pce but did not enter the property because I asked him not to.


    “Call me tonight, okay? So I know if you feel better.”


    “Alright. Bye dear,” I knocked on therge gates and they were slightly opened. I went in.


    Asahd’s POV:


    I’d just showered and had left my bathroom in nothing but my robe. I was looking out my room’s


    window and had seen Noure drop Sa?da off. My room was high up and so I could see over the tall and


    There was a lump in my throat yet I smiled it off.


    “She’s probably decided not to meet him in here,” I muttered. “That’s fine by me. For the moment.”


    I watched Sa?da walk and cut through thewn. She looked nervous.


    “My sweetheart,” I muttered with a little smile, rubbing the back of my neck. “I love you so much.”


    I swallowed, feeling so frustrated. Watching her was enough to give me goosebumps. I rubbed my


    arms.


    ′There’s no way you can run. And especially not here, Sa?da. I have some power here a lot. And when


    I’ll start calling you to my room, you’ll have no choice but toe. I start tonight.′


    ~~~~