I think in moments like this where I see, nothing but the worries that I have now, that those moments I longed for and still miss, feel so far away... yet... that is... okay? Yet... I am... still fine? It''s strange that I am. Yet at the same time, I don''t really mind.


    I think in ways, I''ve managed to let go, and in others still wonder aimlessly, and I''m not sure what to make of that still. But even if I don''t, I''ll be okay. Because I''ve learned to smile again, still; and even without you I think I can. Even as I''m alone... I never was, and there''s beauty to that I can''t describe.


    It''s in moments like this when I don''t bleed, when I don''t worry about the lost past, that I can truly appreciate them. The people I still have, and that I had. In that dichotomy the true friends shine, and in that dichotomy... I let go, because they''ve let go too. Long before me. In that way they are free, and me, as well. I think I''ve truly begun to let go.


    I think that I tried to tell myself that I... didn''t hurt, didn''t grieve, didn''t feel things. But that was a lie, to myself and you. But that was a lie to protect myself. If I ever said I didn''t feel pain, If I ever said I didn''t feel grief, and if I ever said I didn''t feel. That''d be a lie, and only when I''m free... do I realize that, the lies I told true.


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    These lies I once told to you... to myself.


    I told myself I was fine and alone. Yet neither of those were true. I have friends, I have family, I wasn''t alone. Even when I was hurting, missing warmth; in my arrogance and fear, I forgot. But having taken a step back to think, I don''t think it''s too bad. I''ll keep going.


    This journey which never seems to just end, I''ll see it till I just can''t any more. I want to see what''s at the end of this, because I know that regardless of what... I will have someone at my side, always.


    Blinded by my grief, I wasn''t alone, and perhaps no one ever is truly. That''s something I''d really like to believe. At times I hope that when people feel lost, that they remember those around them. It''s so easy to forget, yet have faith.


    That tomorrow will be a brighter day, and that today wasn''t truly pitch black.


    Yet have faith that we''ll be okay one day.