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    <u>Chapter Thirty-Four</u>


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    -- August, 2002


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    Sniff ‘n the Tears – “Driver’s Seat”


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    The second day of the reunion started bright and early. I wanted to sleep in, but Mom decided that she was going to teach me how to drive. We found an empty parking lot – in Florida there are many of them – and she got out of the driver’s side to let me slide over. She took the passenger seat and immediately insisted on seatbelts. I was way ahead of her though.


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    As the tutorial progressed, she spent a lot of time explaining things I already knew. Like coming to a complete stop at a stop sign or using a blinker every time I turned. Finally, I just yelled, “Mom! I’ve played video games before - I know how to drive!”


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    “God help me,” she said, crossing herself.


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    Every time, I remotely pressed on the accelerator, Janet would shriek at the top of her lungs and grab at the handle above the window that was normally used for dry cleaning. I asked her to calm down and while she saw the logic in that, five seconds later there she’d be shouting again for me to stop.


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    “This is too much pressure!” I roared.


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    When I swerved to avoid a possum, she’d finally had enough.


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    “I’m not ready for this!” she screamed.


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


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    “Then you drive! I guess I’ll learn some other way!” I got out of the car and angrily switched places with her. I was so pissed. I had gotten to drive for a grand total of two minutes. Clearly, she wasn’t ready for me to grow up yet.


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    Mom drove us back to the Embargo Motor Lodge in time to participate in the dozen or so field day activities that had been planned. I tried to remain positive, but Mom’s car meltdown had put a damper on things. From the very beginning, I was miserable.


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    The tug-of-war left splinters in my hand and I didn’t have the upper body for the wheelbarrow race. The egg toss was just plain gross, and no one told me I should have been wearing a bathing suit for the “fill the bucket with water” challenge.


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    All of this would have been fine if the Vanowens didn’t take the games so seriously. Red Rover turned violent when a couple people got clotheslined and Capture the Flag was a stalemate until my cousins started cheating. The activities got progressively lamer, so when everyone set out for the scavenger hunt, I decided to leave. I headed over to the pool area where I found Nannie sunbathing in a lawn chair next to her oxygen tank.


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    “Hey Nan,” I said. “You havin’ a good time?”


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    “Oh, a wonderful time,” she answered, smiling into the sun.


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    “Why didn’t you join in for Red Rover?”


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    “I’m eighty.”


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    “That’s a really good point.”


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    “And you? Why aren’t you with the others?”


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    “Well, they said I was too good. So, I thought I’d give other people a chance to shine.”


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    “That’s very considerate of you.  But how about a serious answer?”


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    “I don’t know. I might have enjoyed it if it wasn’t for Mom.”


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    “Why? What’d she do?”


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    “Eh, she freaked out on me while I was trying to drive.”


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    Sandra nodded. “You’re going to have to forgive her for that. She got into a terrible accident when she was younger.”


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    “Yeah, she told me. But she wouldn’t say what happened. You wanna tell me about it?”


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    “Normally when I tell you kids a story your eyes glass over and you start looking at your phones a lot.”


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    “I won’t, I promise. Scout’s honor.”