The Dreadlung pressed his back against the wall, throwing himself back behind cover in time to avoid a spinning garden trowel.


    “Oh hey. Tinc, that’s for you, isn’t it?” he wheezed.


    The horticultural espionage professional did not appear amused.


    “What went wrong? It was talking with you. What did you say?”


    Douk had been left behind to tend to Btiobhan. Intunmeroon-evenI’mhavingtroublesayingitnow held position across from Rhode, on the other side of the entrance to the arboretum. Tinc had ducked behind an overturned, flying saucer shaped globe. Its brass lid opened like a trash bin, and the goblin made his body as small as possible as he held it in place.


    A ceramic pot arced through the air, denting the far wall as it shattered.


    “It’s going better than it looks. I’m gonna put my foot down and say that this is actually a pretty healthy reaction, given the circumstances.”


    “Healthy.”


    “Yea,” Rhode murmured distractedly. “I''m cautiously optimistic.”


    <<Why won’t you leave me alone?>> Pratiksha cried. Her voice warbled, and echoed strangely.


    <<Eh. I’m stubborn,>> Rhode barked back. <<Hey, do you want to do me a huge favor?>>


    <<No!>>


    <<Do you see that guy hiding behind the table thing? Looks kind of like a barbecue grille?>>


    <<I… I see him.>>


    <<Could you try to hit him? But like, not in the head please.>>


    <<You want me to hit your friend?>>


    <<Oh, no. We’re not friends. Don’t do another of those pots, at least not a big one. Try to pick something that’s not so heavy. No pressure, but if you break his leg or... something inconvenient, but not life threatening and all that, that would be seriously maximal.>>


    <<You think I won’t? I will.>>


    <<Cool. You’re the best!>>


    <<I’m going to do it!>>


    Pleased, Rhode nodded to himself.


    “What did it say?” Tinc hissed one last time.


    “Bad news, Tinc my man,” the homunculus sighed dishonestly, “I think he doesn’t trust you guys.”


    “Wh–” the gardener almost said.


    The saucer bin had been painted with lacquer to depict constellations of the night sky. Its purpose had been to keep drinks chilled and locked up for the adults. A rectangular wooden planter snapped the metal hinge of the container. The lid bent completely back, twisting Tinc’s wrist and breaking three of his fingers. The heavy planter carried through, deforming the thin bronze and the whole mess slammed downward and into the goblin’s head.


    He was struck downward, his neck at a bad angle. The force of the long box deflected along his body and turned him sideways. The man rolled over, face-first onto the tile and began to moan.


    “Shit,” Rhode winced.


    <<I’m sorry!>> Pratiksha’s voice cried out. <<I didn’t…>>


    The Hero lumbered forward and fell to an aching knee next to the spy.


    Tinc was spasming in agony. His fingers were moving, and so were his legs. His eyes were shut, but his brow was expressive and his mouth was working too.


    Rhode didn’t waste time. He pawed at the ground beneath Tinc, searching until he found a small, rectangular slip of sky blue jade. It was a tiny thing, as long as the short joint of Tinc’s pinky and only half as wide.


    “Stay with me, Tinc. You okay? How bad is it?”


    The gardener spat flecks of drool and groaned.


    “Okay. Don’t move your head if you can help it.” <<Don’t you dare hit me right now, I’ll be so mad at you,>> Rhode growled at the air.


    The homunculus slid the jade slip out from below Tinc with one finger, and then casually crushed it under his heel.


    “Goodeman Innie!”


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    “You can’t call me Goodeman,” the soldier replied. His spear pointed unwaveringly.


    “I’ve really got to call you Villain? Whatever, man. Get over here. Tinc’s seriously messed up.”


    “You need to take cover, Ser.”


    “Stuff that. Get this man to safety.”


    “I’m not supposed to leave you, Ser.”


    “I will smack you sideways out of your senses if you don’t take him right now.”


    <<Is he okay?>> the Third called out.


    <<Don’t feel bad,>> Rhode bellowed. He wrenched the bronze lid free from the ruined bar and lifted it up like a shield. <<I asked you to do it, and we can’t fix it now.>>


    “Ser,” Intunmeroonkunkt tried again. “I can get his legs if you get his arms.”


    Rhode shook his head. Setting down his lamp and lid, he swept his huge hands underneath Tinc and plucked the goblin up. He was screaming inside as the small man’s unsupported head lolled.


    The monster pressed the whole body of the gardener against the soldier, forcing the villain to carry him. Rhode gently tapped Intunmeroonkunkts’s head and shoulder to better support Tinc.


    From down on his knee, the homunculus met eyes level with the soldier. “Get him to Noffet, man. Don’t mind me. I got this.”


    “I’ll be right back, Ser.”


    Rhode laid his hand on the goblin’s shoulder as the man cautiously readjusted his carry. “Depending on you, Villain,” he said.


    <<What are you doing out there?>> the Third asked.


    <<We’re going to be alone in a second, then we can talk,>> Rhode replied. Then he fixed Intunmeroonkunkt with a serious expression, and nodded to send the man off on his way.


    Rhode shut his eyes. The world was swaying around him. It was growing blurry and colorless around the edges. It took a long moment for him to stand again.


    <<Hey. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to bring a shield in. I’m not doing it to be aggressive, it’s just that you did try to kill me a little. Is that okay?>>


    The Third didn’t respond. She was standing out in the open, leaning against the greenhouse enclosure and under the first warmth of sunlight. Rhode picked up the lid so that it hung over his forearm. He left his lantern behind.


    The arboretum was dominated by the presence of a great, dead tree. The soil inside the inner room had gone bone dry long ago, and its largest occupant had gone withered and skeletal. Shelves of dead plants and gardening supplies circled the outer walls, and the familial compound stretched on for a few rooms further in two directions.


    Pratiksha hugged the glass, circling backwards around it as Rhode moved forward. Her blood left little smudges behind her.


    <<Are you going to try to eat me,>> she asked.


    <<No. Of course not. Why would I eat anybody?>>


    <<You might if we’re Preta.>>


    <<Not sure what that is.>>


    <<Hungry ghosts of bad karma. They fill Naraka up. Hell.>>


    <<We’re not in hell.>>


    <<Aren’t we?>>


    Rhode tried to smile and failed. He slowed down to allow the Third to gain more distance from him. <<What’s your name? Come on. This is getting ridiculous. I need something to call you.>>


    <


    > Pratiksha replied.


    <


    > “goblins” <<and they’re people but they’re not human.>>


    <<I know what they are. I watch movies.>>


    <<Good. Good, alright. That probably makes this easier. Okay, Pratiksha. Basically what’s going on is that we’ve been abducted. Reincarnated.>>


    The [Relay] in Rhode’s pocket quivered, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.


    <<Anyway, we’re on another planet. And everybody’s a goblin I think, except there’s also a weird caste of authoritarian dictator elf people who control all of them. Some of that is a little vague, and complicated and I’m still figuring it out.>>


    <<Elf people,>> Pratiksha mouthed.


    <


    >


    <<The vampire.>>


    Rhode openly chuckled. <<Right? I said the same thing! I swear, I find out that dude sucks blood and it will surprise me zero percent. Yea. That''s him. Anyway, there’s this big conspiracy. Like a Manhattan project kind of deal. These people want to make living weapons to fight some war with one of their enemies and that’s why they made us.>>


    <<Why?>>


    <<Why, like the war?>>


    <<Why me?>>


    The two homunculi had been circling each other. They stopped.


    <<I don’t know. I don’t think they choose us on purpose. I think it’s… I think it’s random. Listen, it doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason is that they brought us, I’m here because I needed to warn you. They’re not playing games. These people are ruthless, and once they get a hold of you again, they’re going to use mind control on you.>>


    <<Mind control.>>


    <<Yes. It’s ah, pretty insidious. Everything here is half magic, half mad science, and half I don’t even know what. Superheros or video-games or something. But however they do it, there are people here who can get inside your head. They can alter your memories, or your emotions. Maybe even more than that.>>


    <<And you want what? To be my friend? Why should I trust you?>>


    Rhode shook his head. <<I mean, you don’t know me. I don’t know you. I don’t expect you to trust me. I’m just begging you: don’t trust them.>>