Chapter 90: Returning


    I missed the journey home, thankfully. Not by intention, but because my body just passed out on me


    without my having a say on the matter. I intended toy on the bed near Carmen for a while, in case


    she needed to talk to someone, give her some support for something I’ve experienced too. Somehow


    sleep took over and thest memory I had was gazing at her lonely figure across from me. Last night’s


    tension, the camping out in the open air, and no real shut eye, all the emotional heaviness of the past


    few days just kicked my ass, and my maybe the growing lives inside of me too. The next thing I know


    I’m waking to subtle thuds on the truck walls and jump awake, startled by the rattle as though


    something is caving in through the roof over my head.


    Carmen is sat up on the other bed, her knees pulled into her chest, looking like she too slept the whole


    time and didn’t switch ces with Meadow to drive at any point. She seems to be staring nkly at the


    back window, her expression nk, her face pale from dried tears and showing nothing of any kind of


    emotion. I turn to, to follow her gaze and see the fog, thinned out across the ss, and containing the


    dark figures of wolves once again trying to get in with running jumps. I realize we’re back at the


    homestead already, the banging is the second wave of the wolves attacking our truck, so I slept for


    more than seven hours straight.


    “Nothing’s changed here then.” I point out with a deted tone, flinching with every new thud over us


    and Carmen silently shakes her head. All her energy and vigor is gone, and she just seems lifeless and


    empty. Her mood is like a dense smoke in itself and holds only sadness and mncholy. I wonder how


    many tears she shed before her emotional exhaustion knocked her out and can do nothing to console


    her.


    I nce up towards the front and see that in my ce the witch is parting the fog so Meadow can drive


    safely onto the dirt track, back to our main entrance and we’re almost there. Leyanne seems rxed,


    Meadow too, as though the seven hours of chatting time has mellowed any mistrust between them. I


    wish I had stayed awake long enough to get to know more about this witch, but I guess it’s toote


    now.


    A huge ck form, so familiar it wounds me just seeing him so suddenly, jumps right in front of the


    truck in a bid to swerve us into a crash. I instinctively lift my hands, cutting passed the two figures


    seated before me and throw him aside in instinct, catching him before he hits the ground and carefully


    nestle him on the bushes, so Meadow doesn’t have to run over her alpha. I think hitting her mate was


    enough on the way out, I don’t want Colton being added to her guilt list. I try not to take anything from


    the moment, pushing down the biting pain and remind myself we have the witch, who soon will help me


    get him back. I have to cling onto hope, that my mate will be free toe home soon.


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    Leyanne nces back at me knowingly, shifting in her seat, and I see the smirk that she knows she just


    met my mate. That little eyebrow wiggle and ‘hmmmm’ which spells out ‘interesting’. I just don’t


    understand her at all. She is neither likeable, nor unlikeable. Somewhere between good and bad and I


    can’t decide if I trust or don’t. She gives off so many mixed signals but yet Sierra put so much faith in


    her.


    “Home stretch, brace yourselves because I feel like they’re going to throw everything they can at us


    before we cross the rune line.” Meadow warns, snapping my gaze back from Leyanne and almost on


    cue the truck begins to shudder and wobble, and grind and groan, with revving effort as dozens of


    wolves fly and pile up on top of us. Try as we might, between the witch and I we can only keep


    sweeping them off for seconds at a time as though they somehow figured out how to cling on when


    they couldn’t before.


    Onest shudder as it feels like the groaning roof mighte down on top of us, a slight buckling of


    metal as Carmen and I sit transfixed to it above and whoosh. Travelling into the fogless air, over the


    protection line, swipes off the ones over our head with a dramatic flurry of bodies flying backwards. We


    elerate with ast lurch of speed, skid, and crunch into the gravel in the front of the house with a


    noisy halt that sends us all falling forward to brace ourselves. We are only minutes before sunset and


    the timing couldn’t be any closer. I shudder when I think of the difference if we had more of Darrius’


    kind here, daylight walkers who seem way more capable than the brain-dead fanged freaks of our


    mountain.


    “Home sweet home.” Carmen mumbles and kicks off the nket she was cradling to her stomach


    before jumping down to her feet and casting me a bank look. “You should eat right away… you haven’t


    at all, and you have more than you to keep fed.” it’s a stern telling off, delivered in her usual haughty


    tone but somehow, I’m getting used to her manner. I see the care behind the words and my whole face


    softens at her scrutiny. The icy coldness, the blunt often rude way she has of letting words fall out of


    her mouth. She’s a hard ass. No softness at all and that’s what tells me that underneath that prickly


    shell, Carmen might actually be even softer than Meadow. She just doesn’t have anyone to give it to, or


    trust enough to show it. It’s a way of shielding herself and acting like she cares about no one. She can’t


    be hurt by people if she doesn’t give anyone the opportunity to get close enough to try.


    Jasper would have been that chance to nurture the hints of love I see glimpses of in her, and now, I


    have no idea what the hell is going to happen there. I’m angry at him, disappointed in what he did and


    her standing here before me, I want to beat my stupid brother in the face. Even if I am overjoyed and


    still in shock that he’s even still alive.


    “I need to see Sierra first and then ..” I start to exin and follow her to the front to get out, but Meadow


    cuts me off.


    “No, she’s right. Go to the kitchens and eat. I’ll take Leyanne to Sierra, and Carmen can make sure you


    get food first. Luna, you’re home. Your priority right now is giving your unborn what they need. Let us


    manage things for you.” It’s her ‘I’m in charge’ bossy tone that likes to pop up when she thinks Colton


    would want her to take over for me. I can’t fault her love.


    I know arguing is futile and I’m weak and a little dizzy withck of nourishment from the journey as it is.


    I haven’t eaten since yesterday, since before we found Leyanne and were eating while we drove. I


    hadn’t thought about it before and guilt flushes through me as I realize how careless it is. I have to be


    more responsible of the children in my body.


    I follow Carmen without further protest and we’re immediately swarmed by pack sentinels who saw our


    arrival or were summoned by Meds. They start unloading the truck and greeting our return with


    submissive nods and uttering ‘Luna’ under their breaths. A huge sense of relief in the air around me as


    tense guards rx at finallyying eyes on us back home. I can taste the agony my departure caused,


    and I am weighed down with anotheryer of remorse that I abandoned them. Despite the emotions,


    nothing is amiss in any of them, or our surroundings, and it looks like our absence didn’t cause much


    upheaval to the pack at all. Nothing has happened since we left.


    It feels good to be home but standing in the almost darkness and staring at that imposing fog, knowing


    Colton isn’t inside to greet me. To shower me with his love and hugs, that I need more than air. He’s out


    there, watching and waiting for his chance to wound me instead, and it dampens my joy down


    completely. Heart tearing with the return to real, eyes misting that we are so close yet still so far in


    terms of bringing them out of the fog.


    Instinct pulls me to the nearest wall of mist, and I get close enough to the tree line that I can see out


    through the forest at where the fog physically meets the boundary. Straining to see as Carmen hangs


    back, sensing I need a moment.


    “Colton…. If you can hear me…. You have more than me to fight for now, don’t give up. We’re working


    on it. I love you and I miss you.” its loud enough that my voice travels on the wind and yet quiet enough


    and directed away from the house to not echo around the drive. Only Carmen will have caught it and


    she remains silent and at a distance, giving me some space and showing respect.


    The fog twirls and moves in the wind and for a second I catch a glimpse of a lone dark figure directly in


    front, separated by the twenty feet or so of wood and he’s staring right at me. Full on wolf form, ck,


    devastating in size, ws extended in readiness, and glistening in the moon light. He’s a sight to


    behold on any given day, but like this, how he is just shreds my emotions into frenzied pain and aches


    heavily in my chest. His eyes are still empty darkness, and his growling snarl is unmistakable to my


    ears. I would know Colton anywhere, no matter the distance.


    He’s warning me that I’m his prey and if this wall wasn’t holding him back, nothing I could say would


    stop him from tearing me limb from limb. We connect for one second, a tiny fragment between my mate


    and I and yet I feel only his desire to kill me. Its intensity is shocking and overwhelming to my soul. I


    shudder, turning away with tears blinding my eyes, to shut him out and jump when I bump into Carmen


    right behind me. She’s moved closer as though to make sure I didn’t stray closer to the border.


    Lingering to protect.


    “It’s not really him…. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. This isn’t who he is, and you know it. When the


    spell’s broken, Luna, he’ll smother you with love and protect you and his children with the ferocity of


    what you see standing out there now. Try and not let this get to you… at least you know his heart is


    willing when everything else is pulled away.” Her sadness bites through and she rubs my shoulder


    lightly, rare physical contact, before turning on her heel and walking towards the house. She gestures


    me to follow and seems sure I aming now, I blink after her in astonishment, the hints of that caring


    person I see in her sometimes, shining through and reminding me just how unfair life can be.


    “Carmen? Jasper….” I don’t know what words I intended but his name alone dies on my lips with the


    pain from my own heart at saying it. I realize I have no idea how to console her at all, when I don’t even


    know how to process myself that my brother stands against us. Her aura changes to cold and closed


    stiffness instantly.


    “Don’t. Karma, remember? I deserved this.” She shrugs, that controlled mask of indifference back in


    ce and moves off, throwing her feelings away. Sill walking without looking back and I silently shake


    my head.


    No, you don’t.


    I maybe used to think she deserved all kinds of awful to happen to her for her part in my pain, but not


    anymore. I hate that she now suffers all the things I did in some strange bnce that seems to be


    intent on making her feel everything I once suffered through – the death of my mom, the loss of the


    pack, the mistreatment under Juan’s care. The rejection of an imprinted mate because of who she is.


    Walking alone as though cut off from the shore, while trying to find her ce in a new order of things.


    She’s the outsider now.


    Carmen doesn’t deserve to keep being put through all of this and she’s stronger than most, to keep


    getting up to fight over and over again. Jasper, he was always so loving, so loyal and I know that if she


    weren’t a Santo, he would the kind of mate she could only dream of. As a brother he was everything in


    my world, my rock, my safe haven, and I don’t doubt a mate would be even more cherished. He would


    love her in ways that would heal all her wounds, protect her, and show her what worth and stability are


    in the same way he showed me.


    She just happened to have the wrong name…. and nothing to do with a feud that meant her mate


    despises her for that one detail alone. Jasper is an idiot to not see beyond his own hatred.


    “I should go see Sierra first while you see what the kitchen has to offer. I’lle right back, I swear.


    She’ll want to see me, know I’m safe. I know how she is, and her worry won’t subside without it.


    Besides, I have to tell her about….” I nce down at my stomach, feeling awkward and still not fully


    confident in this new little fact at all. I still need to have it confirmed but yet, deep down inside since


    Leyanne told me, I have known it to be true. I can sense something now which I ignored before and I’m


    certain it was two little lives. Carmen nods sadly when I catch up with her and link my hand in hers


    loosely, a natural movement borne of being friends with Meadow. She hesitates, flexes her fingers and


    her hand pauses but doesn’t pull away and avoids looking at me directly.


    “I can get something for you and bring it up to her suite. I’m sure Sierra will be happy to see her


    daughter in the flesh, even if the witch is monopolizing her attention.” Her tone is tight, a slightcing of


    something under the surface that I can’t read. Her emotions are shielded effectively, and I sigh inwardly


    that she just won’t let her guard down. Not even around her Luna.


    I’m d she doesn’t argue with me the way Meadow does on this, and we part at the inner stairway


    when we get inside the house. Just the air and the atmosphere alone make me see how much tension


    I’ve been holding in my body thesest couple of days and I exhale to release some of it. My body


    sagging at the familiar and safe surroundings, the very air in this space calling me home and soothing


    that eternal weight of pain in my chest. If he wasn’t missing in this scene, then this would be heaven to


    return to.


    It feels less despairing than before we left. We have the witch, we have crazy revtions about my


    mother, and we have hope of not only fixing this mess of this spell but ending the war. Something we


    never knew how to achieve before. Which if we do, leaves only one little problem left in our list of all


    things we have lost sleep over in recent months. Juan Santo and our mountain.


    With the threat of vampires out of the way, maybe our focus on saving our people might actually


    be priority when we get Colton back. And then Jasper… my brother out there in the world posing


    a new kind of threat if he sticks to his word andes after my people for what was done to our family.


    I can’t even contemte that right now and what will happen if he holds true to his word. Jasper


    against me… or even against Colton. I know he would lose. He’s strong, his gift is speed which is why


    he probably escaped Juan so long ago. His hyper speedpared to other wolves is twice as fast, but


    he’s no alpha and he would never be a match for my mate. Colton is stronger, has more aggression in


    his pinky, and is battle worn and calctive in a fight. I don’t know of Jaspers training these past ten


    years with the vampires, and I was shocked at his level of hostile, but I could still sense he wouldn’t be


    able to take me alone, let alone with my mate.


    I don’t want to fight him, especially not when at the root of his goal is the pain of our loss. He loved our


    pack, our family, our parents. He lost everyone, even thought I was gone, his home, and has had to


    carve out life within thep of those he was once afraid of as the enemy. Creatures he rose against in


    battle and had been ingrained to fear since childhood. Living with vampires for a decade can’t have


    been all that great.


    And then there’s that whichpletely confuses me…. vampires epted a wolf and let him live. Not


    as a ve or a mistreated being, but as one of them. Initiated into their coven from what Darrius blurted


    out, which raises a whole lot of questions about the morality andws of what we once believed were


    only monsters. It seems this breed we never knew existed, is far superior in so many ways to those


    things out in the woods. Miles apart physically but also in morality too. It shakes everything I thought I


    knew about them.


    I need to talk to Leyanne about the difference between the born and the turned, and if there is one, how


    the hell we create peace once more so that no more blood has to fall on either side. I don’t fancy our


    chances should the born vampirese into y and be the ones to stand in battle against us instead.


    I can’t even begin to contemte my own heritage and that’s a whole head mess I’m leaving aside for


    now. If I’m royalty… I’ve been killing my own kind for the past months and hating them, while maybe I


    might have had a chance at stopping this. My head aches with all of it and I don’t even know how to


    start pulling it apart, turning it over or figuring it out. That’s always been Colton’s forte. To see things


    and figure out the chess moves,y it out in a logical way. I miss him so much more with every second I


    need him to be here.