Chapter 53: Radar


    "Radar is our Papi. Every pack has a mentor who''s mature. He''s older than all of us, mid-thirties. He


    went to war as part of the Luna''s guard. That scar on his face, he got by protecting her with his life, and


    it almost ended him. God damn silver and wolfsbane, I shudder to think. He''s always been a ve to


    Sierra and never mated because his heart lies with her, devoted, and loyal. It''s kinda sad, to be that


    crushed on someone that even in her absence you still pine them." Meadow is hushed, but the torn


    tone of real empathy drags through her voice, a hint of real pain for her pack mate.


    "They had an affair?" I gasp, my head spinning on that point alone, and I can''t help but staring back at


    Radar in the people before us, seeing him in a whole new light. He''s not exactly ugly or unattractive.


    That scar is obviously a major, but he has a nice face despite it, and a strong, tall build, like Colton. The


    white eye I guess kind of makes him a little bad ass. In that rugged, hero type, way


    "No, you know thews on adultery with a mate bonded wolf. Radar is straight down the line, not a rule


    breaker. He never told her, she never knew, never even had the courage to look her in the face all


    those years because he waspletely submissive in the hierarchy to her. It''s forbidden for the guards


    to look upon the alpha''s mate and make eye contact. The Luna had many guards, and he just blended


    in, I guess. He was the only one of her guard to make it back alive though, probably because he was


    so badly wounded and recovering. that he was taken down and missed thest battle they ever fought.


    The Luna''s guard were all massacred in thatst fight, then everyone came home, and she was gone


    before he recovered enough to regain his duties." Meadow shrugs, retelling what she knows, and I


    inhale heavily as pieces click in ce and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.


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    Juan probably had them all in too because they would have been loyal to their charge. Their Queen.


    She was their focus, not Juan, and Radar escaped only down to being almost dead. Which means he


    missed what happened with my mother and knows nothing of what Juan did. He would be dead too if


    he''d been there, and it removes any shadow of doubt that he was ever involved. He didn''t even get the


    chance to save her from being sent away. I think if he had been, he would have died to rescue her all


    over again.


    The adultery thing though, highlights how much Colton doesn''t respect or care about me if he expects


    me to throw aside thews and have an affair with him anyway. We all know the shame it carries, and I


    could bepletely exiled from this pack if we went through with it. His alpha role would be dissolved,


    and he too could be dethroned to live in shame. He''s an asshole of the highest order if he thinks that''s


    a solution to him marking that Puta. He can''t have his cake and eat it.


    I blink in Radar''s direction, trying so hard to get my head around this new information as we sweep into


    the brightly lit grand foyer of a huge entranceway of this so-called homestead. I mean Colton grew up


    in a manor that was more of a castle and housed hundreds…. this is small by that standard, but still a


    freaking castle in its own right. It''s amazing, and huge. Prehistoric, and the décor is definitely old-world


    witch, but I don''t doubt it can house a vast amount.


    The hub bub of the crowded hall, and wave of bodies moving up and down the stairs, and around in


    general, as word spreads, they have their long-lost Luna back, makes this ce feel pretty


    overwhelming. It''s not enough to distract me from watching Radar follow the group though, stopping


    when they get so far, as Colton and the doc wheel Sierra''s bed in the direction of a narrow hall to the


    left.


    "I should go with them." I nod after them as more of the group of helpers drop off, leaving a bare


    minimal body count to turn her bed into a door. Mainly Colton, the doctor, and a couple of femmes who


    are helping with the cab and her machines.


    "Yeah, you should. We''re all going to go back out on patrol of the borders to watch for your tail, we


    have to keep this ce safe. Tell Colton to link me when he wants me back to take care of you, and to


    find you some decent clothes. I''m sure for right now, Sierra is his priority." She sps my hand tightly,


    squeezes it, and leans in kissing me on the forehead, before nodding towards the door that Colton and


    his skeleton crew went through.


    "Meadow…. I''m so d to be back." I answer honestly, in afterthought, as she goes to move away,


    warmed by the tearful smile she gives me, and that little rub of my shoulder that it''s all going to be okay.


    Despite everything, even finding out that I could survive out there alone, I really have missed her and


    being around people. Being in a ce that''s warm, and safe, and I don''t have to hunt for my meals


    anymore, it reminds me what a pack can be like. I can do it alone; I just prefer this…. not out there.


    Being here reinforces it. I don''t want to go back out and disappear anymore. Everything''s different and I


    don''t want to leave again.


    "We are all happy to see you back. I made a mistake in letting you leave… Colton is still trying to


    forgive me. Don''t do it again." She halfughs, but there''s a serious edge to her tone and a look that


    hints at a real warning.


    "I''m not nning on it. All of this is bigger than us now. Priorities have changed." I point out and she


    exhales with another nod.


    "Good, because he''ll strap your ass to him and put guard duty on you twenty-four seven if he even gets


    a hint you might take off again. That boy is not ying no more, Chica!" That head wobble and finger


    point that always makes me smile at her, but I ''hmmm'' then gesture I should go. I don''t care right now


    what Colton thinks, or wants. I need to see what''s going on and then sit. I only dozed in the truck for a


    short time and I''m physically exhausted and could do with a little moment to get used to this buzzing


    house. After weeks of nature and solitude, this human chaos is a bit much to get my head around. This


    whole thing is mentally overwhelming, and sleep is all I want, even though I''m not going to get it for a


    while.


    I turn and head after Colton, trace their steps down a corridor, turn right through the door they went,


    which takes me along a short hall, through two double doors into a proper set up infirmary. It''s already


    like a mini hospital wing, which is weird given our kinds ability to heal, so I guess this is from when the


    witch side of Colton''s family who stayed here. It''s white,rge, yet crowded with cabs full of potion


    bottles on every wall. Some of it looks dated, but mostly there are modern additions, obviously brought


    with Colton''s own medics who are hurriedly wading in and helping move Sierra to a central bed that''s


    more substantial than the one she''s on.


    I mean wolf packs do have medical staff and doctors. We do sometimes need them, especially in the


    younger ages when we are not turned yet, and we catch diseases or get injured. We''re vulnerable in


    youth, much like mortals are. It''s irresponsible for a pack to not have the means to protect all in our


    pack.


    They switch over her machines to full size ones, change out her tubes, and hang up her saline bag on


    a trolley to the side, as some of the wolves already in here file out, gazing longingly her way and


    nodding at Colton as each and every one leaves. I know the link between pack members is generally


    the preferred mode ofmunication, but it sucks that to me it''s a silent wall. Watch in envy as so


    much trantes between them, but I hear nothing.


    I miss pack linking, and the sense of unity it gave you as a whole, it reminds me I''m never really going


    to be part of this pack. I mean Colton could initiate me in general, now he''s alpha and has that power,


    and I could maybe link that way, but once his mate gets a whiff I''m here, I don''t doubt world war three


    will erupt. She''ll never let him put me in the pack to have more of a bond with him.


    I have no idea where she is, but she has to be around here somewhere, I mean, she is his Luna now.


    Mates never stray far apart and as Luna, her job is to care for the vulnerable in this massive pce.


    She probably got left behind here when he came for me, because he knew she would just aggravate


    the situation and make things worse between us. Not that it needs much help.


    I stand back watching as she''s settled, and the transition isplete. The doctor moving in to talk with


    a woman in a white coat I recognize from the Santo medical center in the valley. She has two nurses


    nking her as they busily squirrel around, put trolleys away, and sort out the haywire mess of


    machines they''ve taken from Sierra. Tidying up and making her ready for her new stay in here.


    Colton pulls over a high stool to the head of her bed and perches down beside her, oblivious to me over


    here, leaning in and saying something softly as he strokes her hair back, fully locked on her face as


    everyone else seems engrossed on the care n they''re discussing. I can hear the doc listing of


    medications and withdrawal key points, a step by step of what they need to do over the next few hours,


    but all my attention is on that solitary, strong, wide figure, with his back to me, and the longing pulling


    me to gofort him.


    Despite everything going on, we both have so much mess in our heads and a shared pain from finding


    out things that turned everything upside down. Now isn''t the time to hold that against him while all this


    is going on. Neither of us was prepared or even mature enough to deal with the tsunami of shit we''ve


    endured these past weeks, and I''m weary with it all catching up. I don''t want to carry the feelings of hurt


    and hate on top of that too. Not right now.


    We have to figure this out, wait on Sierra to see if she has an answer, and focus on the fact Deacon


    and his crew will follow us. Soon as they wake up and realize what''s happened, I''m sure Juan will be


    notified, and there will be a mad scramble to try and get here before she can tell everyone the truth.


    I can be mad at Colton, hurt by him, but right now he''s my alpha too, and I need to look to him for


    leadership, and keeping us all safe. If all I do is argue and carry a grudge, I''ll make it all harder for


    myself. The pack, this house, this ce, its where I''m meant to be through this, and I need to put this


    shit aside and stop thinking about myself for a little while. About how what he did broke my heart, when


    right now, the priority is everyone else, and Sierra.


    "This is not the little sub pack and hide out I imagined it would be." The doc infiltrates my thoughts,


    appearing beside me with that soothing English dialect that''s bing like a warm hug, and I have to


    smile at that.


    "Me either. I didn''t know anything that happened since I left. It''s crazy." I shrug, eyeing up the room with


    a sigh.


    "Yes, Colton gave me a condensed version as we wheeled Sierra in. In a way though, I''m rather d


    that we ended up in a ce that ensures I have time to wake her safely. I don''t need to rush and risk


    her body going into shock. This was definitely your fates guiding the way and providing us with ample


    shelter for a very difficult task." The doc looks as tired as I feel, and we''re both sagging over here,


    probably equally as eager for a bed as the other toy down for a little while, but both of us have to be


    here.


    "How long do you think that will take?" I ask genuinely, eager to see Colton finally get to reunite with


    her after all these years. Eyes falling on that beautiful man as he tends to his mom lovingly.


    "We''vee up with a n to slow down and stop the sedation meds over forty-eight hours, to let her


    brain begin toe out on its own ord. We''ll monitor her, keep her stabilized, and adjust as she


    progresses. She might have a few days of vegetative state where it seems like we''ve lost her…. that''s


    normal. Eight years is a long time to live in a dream world and the mind is aplex piece of hardware


    that sometimes requires a reset period. We''ll just take this as ites, and hope she''ll be one of the


    rare cases of long-terma patients toe out and be able to interact within mere days." He nods,


    a look of rtive confidence on that lowered brow.


    "She''s a wolf… I say your bets are stacked on the positive side." I perk him up with a cheeky smile, and


    it gets a little one in return.


    "Quite!"


    "I don''t know where we go from here." I point out, nodding at Colton across the room, not really


    meaning just me and him, trying to hide the longing that crosses my face and the doctor nudges me


    with his shoulder.


    "I''m a believer that a good cup of tea and a long chat usually resolves many of life''s issues. Problems


    that seem overwhelming are sometimes just smoke and mirrors and getting it all out is sometimes the


    only way forward." He raises those bushy grey brows with a knowing expression, and I nudge him


    back.


    "Like confessing all to a strange girl who fell into your medical facility?" I smirk.


    "Exactly. Sometimes you have to throw away your entire life''s work, put your trust in a higher power, no


    matter how many signs are killing your hopes, and know they won''t steer you wrong if you just stop


    fighting it." His eyes stray to Colton too and it has the annoying effect of dragging my vision back to


    him. That strong, upright figure, looking a little too inviting while framed by the light from themp over


    Sierra''s bed. Always so unruffled even in the face of a storm. He''s solid, cool, and takes it all in his


    stride.


    "Good advice, doc. Not so easy to follow, but yeah… I guess." I exhale heavily, feeling hopeless when


    he''s over there, looking like everything I need to cure me of my eternal agony.


    "We''ll figure this out, together, youngdy. After all, …. you are our savior." He throws his arm around


    me awkwardly, gives me a squeeze, and then drops it as quickly as though he crossed some sort of


    touching boundaries that threw him well outside hisfort zone. I get the overwhelming surge of


    flustered, entric cringing, at his own public disy of affection, and let out an involuntary giggle.


    "I guess I better go white g the Alpha, until we can see where all this is going. Might make life easier


    if I give him a few days pass." I shrug it out, knowing all things considered, Colton probably could use


    less stress until Sierra wakes up.


    "He''s young, headstrong, stubborn like his mother, and still finding his feet in his new role. Go easy on


    him. He has the world on his shoulders, and he needs a little help in holding it up. His head is not quite


    where it should be." The doc nces at him and then off to the femme Medic across the other side who


    waves him to her.


    I nod, taking the hint, and push off to walk towards Colton, leaving the doc to wander back to the


    femme in the corner pouring over some clipboard as she jots things down.


    I take a levelling inhale, push all my riots of feelings into one tiny box and sit on them for now.


    Determined to be civil and not let everything ooze out of me while he needs a friend. I approach him


    from behind, and like in the truck, he''s so zoned in on his mom he doesn''t acknowledge meing


    close until I get right up beside him and lean in to look at her. Eyeing her up now she''s been settled in


    here and it''s odd, but I swear, she has more color to her pallor and her hair looks a little shinier. It''s


    almost like she knows she isn''t alone anymore, that she''s surrounded by her people and their love,


    even if that''s ridiculous.


    Seeing them together like this, only highlights how much he looks like her now he''s an adult. The same


    profile, small nose, and perfect bone structure of two very beautiful people, and I guess he always had


    her strong DNA. The dark hair, and straight brows, although Sierra is noticeably palepared to


    Colton''s sallow tan he wears all year round. She is lithe, and feminine in her build though, and Colton,


    well, he''s your typical strong, tall, and built alpha type. More muscles than brains sometimes, and he


    has a nice ass.


    One of the nurses pushes a stool up behind me with a smile and nod and I take it gratefully, sitting


    beside Colton and trying hard not to reach out to touch him. He looks so lost in the moment, eyes


    fixated on her, and so many thoughts must be running through his head. It''s like watching a pained


    child trying to figure something out, and that maternal instinct in me revs up a thousand watts and


    makes sitting here unbearable.


    "I can''t believe she''s really here… that''s she''s real. How many times I dreamed of seeing her again?"


    He whispers it, that sexy voice low, and rough, alerting me to the fact he''s aware I''m beside him after


    all, and I rx into the seat, propping my feet up on the bar and lean towards him lightly. Suddenly


    consumed with fierce protectiveness over him when he seems this vulnerable.


    "I''m just d that we got her here. That you came when I found her." What else can I say. Nothing I can


    add right now is going to ease the tension as we wait, and he knows everything I do about all of this.


    "How could he do this to her? How could he not love her the way he was supposed to?" His eyes run


    back to her face, once again he strokes her hair, and he''s so lost in his own feeling he doesn''t notice


    my sarcastic eyebrow rise and tilted pointed chin gesture I give him.


    That''s a very good question Colton… why couldn''t he? You might know given you clearly have the


    same w!!


    I shake it out of my head before he senses my attitude, scolding myself for such an impulsive


    response, but still, he really is dense sometimes. Know this projecting crap is only going to make me


    mad, and I don''t bite or say it out loud but god damn it, Colton. Really?


    I know he doesn''t need this right now, so I sigh it away, breathe slowly, and count to ten, sit a little taller,


    and try and focus on what he needs instead. Reminding myself that this is bigger than us, and I have to


    be less pounce ready.


    "He betrayed the mate bond; he doesn''t deserve her." I point out tly, then curse myself under my


    breath for still pushing it out there even if I didn''t meant to. It''s like everything we are saying is the


    damned obvious, yet Colton doesn''t even click. Colton doesn''t move or react, just that same silent fixed


    stare as he watches her breathe, eyes on her closed lids, and he sits. I feel like screaming and hitting


    him over the head with the nearest hard object, but instead I stare at the ceiling for a minute and let it


    pass. Soooooo slowly.