Chapter 168


    Chapter 168 – Going to Bed Angry


    E


    After dinner with Cora, I visit the Pce library, searching for any excuse to avoid Sinir as I continue


    to work through my feelings. My sister’s troubles with Roger offered some distraction, but I’m not sure a


    distraction is what I needed. My anger and frustration with my mate hasn’t lessened at all, and I haven’t


    had the chance to think about our conversation in any depth.


    I browse the bookshelves absentmindedly, more caught up in my head than actually paying attention to


    the avable selection. Eventually I spy a Vanaran history book on the top shelf, and my curiosity is


    piqued. I’d love to learn more about this mysterious territory, but it’s very high up and there’s not a


    ladder anywhere in sight. If my mate were here he wouldn’t have any problem reaching it for me, but


    he’s not here.


    And he’s not going to be. My wolf pouts, He’s leaving, and we’re going to have to get used to doing


    things on our own again.


    Part of me is ashamed I’ve be so reliant on a man when I spent my whole life taking care of


    myself and others, and suddenly it feels ridiculous that I should seek out another to solve this problem.


    Licking my lips, I take a quick visual measurement of the shelves, and look around the room for a chair


    to stand on.


    Finding a plush armchair, I pull it over to the bookshelf and mber up onto my knees on the


    cushioned seat. Making sure I’m steady, I slowly get my feet under me, but unfortunately this doesn’t


    make me tall enough to reach the top shelf. Testing one foot on the arm of the chair, I determine that it


    won’t topple under my weight. Stretching as far as I can, my fingertips only graze the spine of the book,


    and I huff in frustration.


    Keeping one foot on the arm of the chair, I bnce the other on one of the shelves, pushing myself up


    to grasp the book. Just before my fingers close around the old leatherback, a thundering voice shatters


    the silence.


    “What do you think you’re doing!?” Dominic demands, his disapproval mming into me full force.


    Yelping in surprise, I lose my bnce and begin to topple backwards. I try to hang on but my fingers


    slip, and I use my free arm to cradle my belly as I fall. I see a whir of motion out of the corner of my


    eye, and suddenly strong arms surround me. Gasping for air, I look up at my mate with relief, quickly


    followed by outrage. “Why would you startle me that way!” I exim, swatting his chest.


    Sinir’s foreboding gaze bores into me, and suddenly I’m squirming beneath the weight of his


    scalding temper. “Is that really what you want to say to me right now?”


    He inquires ominously, looking me over with concern even as he sends waves of Alpha authority


    through our bond to chastise me. “Goddess, E. Were you trying to break your neck?”


    “I would have been fine if you hadn’t snuck up on me!” I argue, trying to wriggle out of his arms.


    However as soon as I begin trying to escape he simply holds me tighter.


    “You have no business climbing on anything, especially not when you’re alone. That chair could have


    toppled or you could have simply lost your bnce. You risked yourself and the pup.” He lectures,


    carrying me back towards our room.


    Guilt washes over me, not for my own sake, but for my baby’s. Thest thing I ever wanted was to risk


    Rafe. I rub my belly, trying to sense his mood. I feel pulses of uncertainty, but not due to any harm I’ve


    inflicted. He’s simply responding to my guilt and Sinir’s anger. “I’m sorry.” I answer hoarsely, not sure


    if I’m apologizing to my pup or my mate. “I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted a book.”


    Sinir rumbles wordlessly, a clear note of suspicion in his growl. “Are you sure about that? Are you


    sure you weren’t trying to get back at me for leaving you behind.”


    “What, by injuring myself?” I scoff, finding the mere suggestion preposterous, even though I know he’s


    notpletely off base.


    “No.” Sinir corrects sternly. “But you warned me your wolf wouldn’t obey anyone but me, maybe this


    was your way of proving it – making me think you’ll get up to too much mischief without me.”


    Now that’s an interesting idea. My sly wolf ponders. Maybe it’s not toote to change his mind. She has


    a point, but that wasn’t what happened and Sinir will know if I lie.


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    “I didn’t even know you were there.” I remind him sulkily, “And not everything is about you, Dominic.” I


    add spitefully, trying to drown out the swell of tangled emotions rising up inside of me. I feel like I’m all


    over the ce, my moods swinging back and forth between sadness, worry, anger and resentment,


    muddying my mental state.


    As if trying to prove just how hormonal I am in this moment, my brain veers away from irritation, moving


    to regret and guilt from the knowledge Sinir is displeased with my behavior. Is there a worse feeling


    than when one’s mate is angry and disappointed with you?


    I didn’t realize I sent the question through our bond until Sinir’s wolf replies. How do you think I feel?


    His arms tighten reflexively on my body. But there is a worse feeling, and it’s failing to protect them or


    help them when they need you.


    My heart softens toward him, especially when he lets me feel how distressed he’s been by my own


    unhappiness. My guilt increases, and suddenly tears are burning in my eyes. I feel so overwhelmed


    and I’m not sure how to put my feelings into words. I also don’t want snatches of chaotic emotion to


    reach him through the bond in case they send the wrong message, so I pull the mental wall down


    between us, locking it tight.


    Sinir frowns, clearly disliking the fact that I’ve cut myself off from him. Still, he doesn’tin and


    when we finally reach our rooms he asks. “If it wasn’t about me then what was it?”


    “I don’t want to talk about it.” I sniffle, wallowing in self-pity. “I just want to go to bed.”


    Sinir moves into the sitting area, settling on the couch and arranging me in hisp.


    “We’re not going to bed angry, little wolf.” He informs me, firm but gentle.


    “But I want to be angry with you.” I share petntly, knowing how childish I sound and not caring. “It’s


    your fault that I’ve be so needy and dependent. I used to do everything for myself, and now I can’t


    even get a book without asking for help.”


    “Mmm,” Sinir purrs sympathetically. “And my departure has thrown that into perspective, has it?” He


    nods. “I hate to say it, but that still sounds like it’s about me, trouble.”


    “I said I don’t want to talk about it.” I repeat stubbornly, trying to get up so I can go crawl into my nest.


    To my surprise, Sinir lets me stand, but once I’m on my feet he traps me between his legs, keeping


    his hands on my hips as he looks up at me. “E, I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”


    My knees wobble, suddenly feeling weak. “So soon?”


    ‘There isn’t any time to waste.” He confirms gravely. “And I don’t want to go without settling things


    between us. I know you want to prove to yourself that you can handle the challenges and risks of being


    a Luna, but that’s obviously not everything.” He assesses shrewdly, softening his tone as he strokes


    the hair back from my face, cradling my head in hisrge hand. “I can’t make it better if you don’t tell


    me what’s bothering you, baby.”


    As I look into his deep green eyes, I feel at a loss. The capricious, contrary part of me doesn’t want him


    to make it better at all. If I ask him to fix this, I’ll just be relying on him to solve my problems for me –


    again.


    I don’t know what to do, because there isn’t a right answer this time. If I stay behind then I’ll be on my


    own, but the only challenge I’ll face is getting through the day without my mate. If I go with him I might


    have a chance to prove myself, but I’ll also be staying in the safe cocoon of his protection. So which is


    worse?


    ‘This isn’t going to get better, Dominic.” I finally reply, wrapping my arms around myself. “I don’t want


    you to go without me. I’m no use to you or the pack if I’m here alone.” I take a shaky breath, my throat


    itching. “And it does scare me to realize how much I need you, but not only because it makes me feel


    vulnerable, but because you’re running off into possible danger and I’m terrified that if something


    happens and I’m not with you…” I trail off, not able to put my riotous emotions into words.


    Sinir exhales deeply and stands, his thumb brushing back and forth along my cheek. “And that’s


    what I’m afraid of.” He admits. “If something happens to me, I want you as far away from that danger as


    possible.”


    I gnaw on my lower lip, averting my eyes as tears well. ‘Then there’s really no way I can change your


    mind?” “No, E.” Sinir confirms. “My mind is made up.” He towers over me, his wolf shing in his


    eyes. “Now, about this climbing bookcases business…