idental Surrogate For Alpha Novel Free -Chapter 93
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Pain.
My first reaction is pain – blistering and hot, like having my body suspended over a pit of mes and
slowly roasted. Sinir won’t need me anymore. I’ll lose him. For all my resistance, I’ve be
hopelessly attached to Sinir, and my feelings for him are far stronger than I’d like to admit. The idea
of not having him in my life anymore is so excruciating I can’t even consider the possibility head-on. I
want to run and hide from it, to pretend it isn’t real rather than suffer the agony it unleashes.
I breathe through the torment, wondering how much time has passed while I grapple with this news. It
feels like hours, but it’s probably only been moments. Once the pain passes, there is only denial. Lydia
can’t be pregnant. She and Sinir attempted to conceive a child for years… one night couldn’t
possibly give them sess when years of trying resulted in nothing more than broken hearts and a
failed marriage. Right?
Of course, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing in the world if they did seed after all this time. My
conscience suggests – and she’s right. How many stories have I heard over the years from well-
meaning friends trying to make me feel better about my own infertility struggles? “Just wait, the day you
stop trying is the day you’ll conceive.” they’d say, or, “sometimes the stress alone can keep you from
seeding, at some point you just have to let all that go.”
They didn’t realize how hurtful it was, almost like they were ming my infertility on me wanting it too
badly. They also didn’t appreciate that this might be true for some women, but it’spletely false for
many others. Some women would never conceive, no matter what they did. Still, they might have been
wrong to try and cate me that way, but that doesn’t mean those cases never happen. Maybe a
cked out one night stand was what it took for Lydia and Sinir to finally make a baby together.
What if Lydia is pregnant? I think hesitantly. What if she and Sinir finally achieved the thing which
had cost them their marriage? Could a child be enough to repair the damage in their rtionship?
Suddenly I see a future where Sinir and his mate have a child – while my own pup and I are able to
quietly live in the background – no more lies, no more fraud. Completely safe.
Wouldn’t that be better than this? Even if I’m heartbroken over Sinir, isn’t my baby’s safety more
important than anything? Won’t I always be sick with guilt as long as I’m continuing this fraud? Isn’t it
right for the pack to have a true Luna?
No! Something feral and ferocious screams up inside me, Sinir is ours! She can’t have him!
That’s selfish. I realize, hating the truth even as I recognize its weight. It’s selfish to keep him for myself
if it’s not right for him, for the pack. This isn’t just about me. It’s about millions of people who need
Sinir to lead them.
“And if she is pregnant?” I ask, just barely surfacing from the thoughts attempting to drown me.
“She’s not.” Sinir dismisses easily, echoing my initial thoughts. “we don’t even know if I slept with
her, and even if I did, we tried for years to no avail.”
“But what if she is?” I press, needing him to hear me out. “I mean, if she is pregnant, then you’ll have
another potential heir, and its mother will be a she-wolf. That’s everything you’ve been looking for. I
have to think that a pup with two shifter parents will be stronger than one with a human mother.”
“We don’t know that.” Sinir digs in his heels, his sharp gaze piercing me. “And you’ll make a better
Luna than Lydia ever would.”
N?vel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive ? material.
“We both know that’s not true.” I correct him gently, wanting to slide out of the bed so he can’t use his
physical proximity to overpower my senses. “Because no matter what I do, I can never be a real one.”
“What are you saying?” Sinir inquires, frowning deeply now.
“I’m saying that if she is pregnant, that might not be a bad thing.” I sigh, trying and failing to leave the
protective circle of his arms.
“What?” Sinir growls, with abject disbelief. I’m not surprised by his reaction, because I’m well aware
of how strange it is for me to be making this argument. “E, you know what kind of woman Lydia is –
she’s narcissistic and power hungry. In some ways she’s as bad as the Prince.”
“I know and I’m not saying she isn’t terrible, just that you need a true Luna.” I remark with a weak
shrug. “And with you there to keep her in check, her worse nature wouldn’t ever get out of control.”
“Who says I need a true Luna?” Sinir grumbles, sounding every bit as petty and mutinous as I must
have earlier.
“Says you!” I burst,ughing now. “From day one, Dominic! You’ve been telling me this arrangement of
ours is temporary, and only binding until you find a real mate from the first moment we met.”
“Maybe I changed my mind.” He suggests, nuzzling my neck and squeezing me just a bit tighter, as if
he’s afraid someone might take me from him.“Maybe I was wrong.”
My heart skips a beat, and butterflies burst to life in my belly. Is that affection all for me? Is he
responding to the baby? How is it we’ve built so much intense intimacy between us, and we’ve never
done more than kiss?
I decide to test him. “I think Rafe is confusing your instincts, Dominic. It’s easy for you to say this now,
but once he’s here with us, I’m going to go back to being just some human you know.”
Testing him, hmm? The little voice in the back of my head interjects. Sounds to me like you’re just
making excuses to keep him at arm’s length.
Unsurprisingly, Sinir growls at me, making me quake and lean into him forfort even though he’s
the one causing my unease. Now that I don’t want to be separated from him, of course, he sees fit to
put some distance between our bodies. He shifts me to face him on the hospital bed, keeping his legs
straddled over either side of the gurney and staring me down with stern disapproval. “That isn’t true. I
know the difference E. You and Rafe are one now, but I don’t want you for my Luna because of him –
I want you because of you.”
“But you weren’t wrong.” I insist, trying not to absorb hispliments. It feels wonderful for him to be
speaking this way, but the way I feel doesn’t change the situation we’re in. “Because it’s one thing to
deceive the pack and the Alpha council for the greater good – because there is no other option. But
Lydia being pregnant would give you another option. An honest option, Dominic.” I rify, needing him
to understand.
“Is that what you want?” He asks gruffly.
“I want my baby to be safe. I don’t want to live a lie.” I answer honestly. “And you don’t want to
perpetuate a fraud like this if you don’t have to.” I add pointedly.
“So you think I should take her back, after everything she’s done?” Sinir bites, looking furious now.
“If she’s pregnant, if there’s a she-wolf who can fill this role without lying to the people, you have to
choose her.” I insist. “Keeping up this deception isn’t right, no matter how we feel.”
“You still haven’t told me how you feel, you know that?” Sinir points out, his powerful hands
massaging my waist, surreptitiously holding me in ce in case I decide to make a run for it.
“What does that matter?” I ask, not meeting his gaze. “Last night might have changed everything for us.
I know it wasn’t your fault,” I offer apologetically. “But things areplicated enough already without
adding feelings to the mix.”
“That may be true, but the feelings are there whether we want them to be or not.” Sinir responds,
ducking his head to try and catch my eye.
“I want our son to have two loving parents who can focus all their attention on him, not their own
drama.” I counter, still evading an honest answer, but feeling dizzy now that I’m away from him.
“Why would our feelings mean that we can’t focus on our baby?” Sinir questions, looking strangely
blurry around the edges.
“Because it’s already distracting us! We’re talking about feelings rather than the real issue here – which
is that Lydia might be carrying another heir for you already. How is that supposed to work?” I inquire, I
reach out towards one of his muscr arms for support. “Would you stop moving, please?”
There are strange spots in my vision, and I try to blink them away, but they don’t budge. “E?”
Sinir’s urgent voice sounds very far away. “Are you feeling okay?
Thest thing I hear before everything goes dark is his frantic call, “I need a nurse over here!”