October 15, 1980
New Orleans, LA
*WELCOME TO MR.PIZZA, WHERE TASTE IS OUR PRIORITY. MADE WITH FRESH INGREDIENTS, OUR NEW YORK STYLE PIZZAS ARE SURE PUT A BANG INTO YOUR BUCK*
*THIS CALL MAY BE RECORDED FOR TRAINING PURPOSES*
*RECORDING IN PROGRESS*
J: Good afternoon. This is Jerry from Mr. Pizza speaking, may I take your order?
██:
J: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. The line broke up. Could you repeat yourself, please?
██: Can… can you come over?
J: We absolutely do offer delivery services, but I would like for you please place an order. If you’d like help choosing from our menu, might I recommend our Barbecue Chicken Pizza? It’s only $10.75. We do also have vegetarian and gluten free options—
██: Please, I want you to come over.
J: Pardon?
██: Come over. My house is nice. It’s clean, I promise. Look. I just brought a brand new TV; and a cake from the supermarket. Chocolate with extra sprinkles. Send someone by for a big slice. I…I can’t eat it by myself. I’ve got ice cream too. Peanut brittle. And a bag of candy.
J: We don’t just—
██: It’s my twenty-ninth birthday today. I…I don’t have anyone to share it with. Can you just come over? My address is 1357 Blane Avenue. It doesn’t even have to be you. Just… just want someone over here…Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
J:…
██: I just cleaned my damn house!
J: This is a pizza shop.
██: I understand that. But I don’t have anyone to share my birthday with. It’s just me and this house. Ain’t nothing been the same since Mama died. I’m sure you’re able to return to yours, once you get off your shift. You’ll return to a warm, welcomin’ place. I bet you got a girl waiting for you at home too? You damned lucky bastard.
J: Are you going to order or not?
██: You know what it’s like to have the world passing you by? It’s like you’re invisible to the people around you. Like a superpower, almost. Can’t relate to no one. All you have are your memories and thoughts. Ain’t no use having all of this shit if you can’t share a damn thing with anyone. Ain’t no use at all.
J: Um, look, I have to—
██: I can’t afford a pizza anyways. And who the hell wants vegan pizza?
J: Well, then—
██: Please, don’t hang up on me. I ain’t hear another person’s voice in ages. I ain’t talk to anyone for ages. It’s just me. I just want someone to come over here. Please. I can’t take it.
J: If you’re going to hold up the line, I’m going to have to end this call. We’re extremely busy. I’ve got a lot of hungry people waiting in line. Now, for the last time—
██: DON’T YOU GET IT?????
J:…
██: It’s always been me. I think I’d be married by now, perhaps have a couple of children. Teach them how to ride a bike or play video games. I know a lot about video games. I have a ton of them in my attic. You like video games? What a stupid question that is. Of course you do. Everyone likes video games. It’s practically my entire life.
J: Alright, it’s been mighty nice talking to you, but I really can’t hold up the line anymore. I’m very sorry. Now you have a lovely afternoon.
██: But I just want—
*RECORDING STOPPED*