Tony


    1 1/2 oz vodkaOwned by N?velDrama.Org.


    1/2 oz lime juice


    1/2 cup ginger beer


    Garnish: lime wedge


    We all have a monster inside us.


    He hates us. Conspires against us. Sabotages our rtionships. Destroys our dreams. Mine filled my head with doubt.


    You can’t afford love.


    You’ll die before you meet your firstborn.


    That voice held me hostage. It always dragged me deeper into the well the moment I’d almost wed myself out. I couldn’t count how many times I’d rpsed because why prolong the agony? I would do it anyway. I wouldn’t be a good father, but when she confessed her feelings after everything I’d done to her, I wished we could have a family.


    Two kids. A dog. A house away from the city on a wooded property. My own little slice of heaven. The fantasy spun into images that tortured me for days. I pictured taking my kid to the cabin in the White Mountains, where my father and I had gone for hunting trips. I’d even fantasized about Evie’s pregnancy. What it would be like to fuck her while her belly swelled.


    Then reality kicked in my teeth.


    Everybody in Boston wanted to kill me.


    Even my cousin dodged my calls. Not a good sign. So I made my moves faster than he could keep up with. I met with street bosses of other gangs. I paid them to fuck up any douche bag on a bike. Knox’s media contacts helped me deflect attention from the Family, but that did nothing for my rtionship with Vinn.


    So I stalked him.


    We were long overdue for a chat.


    The first hot weekend packed Salisbury Beach with families. Sunshine bleached the ribbons of kelp lying on the sand. I weaved through couples sitting under brightly colored umbres, the air thick with a salted scent I loathed. College kids yed strikeball. R&B beats pounded from a speaker wedged in the ground. People clinked beer bottles,ughed, and enjoyed themselves, and I floated among them like a joyless ghost.


    I hated the beach.


    I didn’t always. I used to love sunbathing and swimming through the waves, but that required taking off my shirt, which would lead to shocked gasps and staring. It meant being assaulted by vivid shbacks. Bodies in the water. Floating hair.


    I scanned beachgoers until my gaze fell on a man’s olive-skinned back. Vinn sat on a towel, soaking in the sunlight like a bronzed statue. His wife, Liana, lounged on a chair with their six-month-old, Christopher. Joshua, their firstborn, wore a sun bo. He tipped a stic bucket of sand over Vinn’s shorts. An unfazed Vinn refilled it.


    I marveled at this domestic side of him. I wasn’t lying when I said I still saw him as an innocent kid-the reason I couldn’t bring myself to kill him.


    “Hey, Vinny.”


    I parked my ass on his towel and stretched out my legs. Then I smiled and waved at his wife.


    Vinn bristled, but Liana perked up.


    “Anthony! It’s good to see you. Vinny didn’t mention you wereing.”


    “That’s ’cause I didn’t tell him. I apologize for dropping in. It’s just so hard to get ahold of Vinny these days.” I grinned at the pint-sized version of Vinn, who offered me the shovel. “Cute kid.”


    Vinn scooped up his baby and signaled his guards, two sunbathing soldiers who’d let me approach Vinn. They stomped over, spraying me with sand.


    Liana shot him a disapproving re. “Is that necessary?”


    “Yeah, Vinny. We’re supposed to be a family. I thought we could avoid an ugly scene in front of the missus and the children. Or I could scream about Costa business to the whole crowd. I’ve done worse.”


    Vinn sighed. “I stop taking your calls, so you ambush me?”


    “It’s called strategy.”


    “It’ll get your head caved in.”


    “Unless you want your kids’ first memory to be my corpse, I wouldn’t.”


    “I’m giving you ten seconds to fuck off,” he thundered, pointing down the beach. “I figured you’d rpse and do something stupid, but bribing my men to shoot up a bar?”


    I shrugged. “You should be more worried that they’re so easily swayed.”


    He seized my shirt cor and jerked me forward. “You undermine me again, I’ll kill you.”


    I fought a juvenile urge to throw sand at him. “You made me marry her. You said she was my responsibility. Well, guess what? She was trafficked. Those biker assholes you want me to sing kumbaya with did that to her. You can judge me for retaliating, but you would’ve done the same if it were your wife.”


    I yanked his hand from my throat.


    His marble-like features hardened. His mouth thinned as he turned away from Liana, whispering. “Tell me about the three bikers in Chelsea.”


    “They were holding out on me. I did what I had to.” I didn’t like the way he looked at me. “What, you’re going to lecture me?”


    “Anthony, you’re with her because I wanted you distracted. I know you’re troubled. It was a matter of time before you did something insane and got yourself killed. I figured the girl would keep you busy until I handled things.” Vinn ripped off his sunsses and massaged his temples. “And then you did it anyway.”


    “What do you mean handled things?”


    Hesitation narrowed his hawklike eyes. “You’re not the only one who’s suffered at the hands of Legion. I wanted to pay the bastards back for what they did to us, and I needed you upied.”


    A pounding grew in my ears.


    “For what?”


    “To take them down,” he said, stunning me. “The national president isn’t happy with the Boston chapter. Jett isn’t the brightest bulb. He mismanaged the club’s money, and he’s desperate for cash. I convinced him we’d help with distribution. He’d been giving me unfettered ess to everything until you screwed it up.”


    My vision clouded as I stared at Vinn, wondering if the bikers were savants for naming him Goliath.


    Big, dumb idiot.


    “You forced me to marry some chick for an alliance you never intended on keeping?” I leaned forward, gaping at him. “And it didn’t cross your thick skull to tell me any of this?”


    “You’re not reliable, Anthony.”


    Once a junkie, always a junkie.


    That raked coals over my face. “I can’t believe I married her based on your whim.”


    “I was sick of you lording your power over me. Worst case, you settle down. If you divorce the girl, I get control of the Family’s assets. Either way, I win.”


    Vinn reced his sunsses, wearing a smile so smug it begged for a punch. If his wife weren’t behind him, I would’ve socked him in his lying mouth. Proving the fucker wrong yed into his hands, as did taking the high road.


    “Or I take you to court, sue you, and rip that stupid fucking prenup into a thousand pieces.”


    “You won’t,” he deadpanned, his lips curving. “You like the girl too much. Go home. You’ll need my security if you want to stay alive.”


    “So we’re good?”


    “Yeah.”


    I stood and plodded through sand.


    A loud crack split the peaceful ocean air.


    I threw myself to the ground, jaw mming into a rock. A man in front of me screamed. Pockets of sand burst around me. Hysterical screams erupted with the hail of gunfire. I scrambled upright. Bodies smacked into me as people fled their nkets and chairs. Behind me, men in suits strolled down the bluffs. They aimed. Fired.


    Vinn’s guards-dead.


    I stared, rooted to the spot. Then my hands clenched and I sprinted, drawing their fire away from Vinn and his family. The beach offered zero cover. Forward was my only way out.


    Nausea clenched my stomach as my knees crashed into cold water. I dove under a wave. The screaming and gunfire drowned out, I swam hard.  The bullets had no chance of harming me as long as I stayed underwater. I poked my head above, sucking a lungful of air. I swam until I’d exhausted myself. Then I treaded water as the sun beat on my face.


    I had few options. Eventually, I’d have to return to shore. It was a golden strip in the distance. Scattered umbres and beach towels littered the sand, but everyone had gone. The shooting must’ve been reported by now. Police had probably evacuated the area, but if these were traffickers, that wouldn’t stop them.


    If I were them I’d wait me out.


    Jesus Christ. Now what?


    “Bro, you need help?”


    I whirled, facing a giant wall of a boat. I kicked onto my back as a group of shocked college kids clutching beer bottles gaped at me.


    “Do you have room for one more?”


    A life preserver plunged into water. I grabbed the ring and floated to the boat. A blond kid hauled me aboard, and I copsed, heaving.


    A nket fell around my shoulders, and I patted the kid’s arm in thanks.


    “What are you doing all the way out here?” someone asked.


    “Check the news.”


    A brte in a white bikini tapped through her phone, gasping. “Shooter kills two at packed beach. What kind of psycho would do that?”


    * * *


    I holed up in my office, holding my skull as though I could yank out my muddled thoughts. Vinn texted me that he was okay, but those bastards had taken out his security and injured innocent people. Two were in critical condition. I’d barely escaped with my life. I couldn’t be sure who shot me, or why.


    Legion?


    Traffickers?


    Dimly, I listened to Evie walking through the penthouse, and the thought of never again hearing her footsteps pitted me with nausea.


    What if something happened to her?


    “T, I need an answer.”


    I nced up from my hands. “On what?”


    “What’s your decision?” Knox stood over the desk, waving a man folder at me. “I’ve drafted no-fault divorce papers because we can’t get out of this another way. Courts don’t like lifestyle uses. They’re hard to enforce and unreasonable, and your prenup definitely falls under that.”


    My stomach clenched.


    We hadn’t discussed this in months. In the beginning, I’d nned to give them to her on our one-year anniversary. Six months into our marriage, I hated the sight of them. I ripped the folder from him and tore it to pieces. Then I dumped it in the wastebasket. If I’d had a match, I would’ve burned the fucker.


    “Did I make myself clear?”


    “Tony, think about you’re doing.” Knox spoke slowly, as though I’d suffered a concussion. “Evie isn’t pregnant, right? In six months, that’ll be a problem. Those ounts disappear unless you take your cousin to court, which will put the nail in your coffin.”


    “I’m not divorcing Evie.”


    “Abandoning your inheritance is not an option.”


    “Says who?”


    “Cainan. You might hate him, but he’s keeping you alive.”


    I hadn’t heard from him in weeks, and it made me uneasy. “By letting them shoot me on a public beach?”


    “Cainan doesn’t have the power to sway the entire ring. They’re under the impression that you just wanted your wife back. Emotions were running high. You snapped and killed him. Most of them are willing to overlook his death because K broke their rules. They’re not supposed to take married women.”


    “Because they’re property of other men, and that’s the only thing these dipshits respect.”


    “Tony, not all of them agree. You’ll have to look over your shoulder from now on. That’s why I think we should proceed with the divorce early. You need leverage over Vinn. Lose that, and Cainan will write you off. There goes your protection from K’s inner circle.” His mouth pulled in a contemptuous curl. “If you’re not willing to divorce her, get her pregnant.”


    Would giving Evie one baby be so terrible?


    My cousins seemed to manage. Their lives weren’t miserable. Impregnating Evie would trap her with me. Forever. Even if we divorced, she could never cut me out of her lifepletely. That had massive appeal, but after days of self-reflection and considering it from all angles, I’dnded on no.


    I’d never be a good father.


    I couldn’t protect anyone. Hell, I almost died just a few hours ago.


    “She wants kids with me, Knox. Like actually wants them.” I raked my hair and downed the rest of my seltzer, wishing it were vodka. “With me. Of all people. Doesn’t she understand how insane that is?”


    “Yeah, she should get knocked up by the mailman.”


    “You know what I mean, you idiot. I can’t raise a child.”


    “How bad could you be?”


    I couldn’t find out. “What are the chances she’ll drop this?”


    “Unlikely. It’s a biological drive for women, but the good news is that she’ll have plenty of fertile years after you’re murdered.”


    Fuck you.


    I’d dig in my heels until the barrel was against my forehead. I wanted this marriage to work, but it was looking more likely that it wouldn’t.


    Anguish knotted my stomach.


    “Evie and I aren’t breaking up.”


    Knox zipped his bomber jacket and red. As he left out the door, the monster’s voice boomed in my head.


    You can want a happily-ever-after all you like.


    It won’t happen.