Chapter 28 Speaking up and being honest


    Tatiana Magghio


    I see Darío standing in front of me. He looks tired. It is incredible how the human body can reflect so


    many feelings in a matter of hours. I wasn’t gone for long, but long enough to be able to understand


    and ept what I have to do. My hands sweat, nervous. I am scared and anxious. The situation I am


    facing is not ideal. His words sank into my brain, driving it crazy, as I listened to each of his


    usations. The only one that got to me was the fact that hepared his ex-wife to me.


    I am not like her and never will be.


    “Tatiana...” he calls out to me. I can see he intends to approach.


    I can’t help but feel awful about the way I am right now. I want to hit him. I want him to understand that


    he offended me. With his words, he questioned my honesty and made a dent in my heart.


    “No, you will listen. You will listen to everything I have to say. But, then, if you feel you must tell me


    something, you will.”


    “I ept that. You are hurt, and believe me when I tell you that...”


    “Didn’t you hear?” I stroll, approach him, and try to control my nerves. “Don’t say anything, don’t say


    anything because I’m weak, because you haven’t given me a chance to know you and get to know me


    yet. You don’t know that when I’m sad or hurt, if you interrupt me, I break down and start crying.”


    “I don’t want you to cry. I don’t mean to hurt you. If you would just listen to me for a second...”


    “Sit down.” It’s not a request. I position myself behind his chair and put my hands on his shoulders. “I


    got you. Just sit down and listen to me.”


    I step out from behind the chair. My footsteps, though slow and precise, echo over the floor. The


    sandals that were not even supposed to sound, with every step, every tap of my heel, of my toes on the


    tile, ng as if they were a drum. Apparently, my heart beat so fast, all the sounds intensified. It was


    the feeling of being haunted, perhaps by my own demons, because I didn’t want him to misinterpret my


    words, or maybe because it depended on whether our rtionship could work. I sit down across from


    him, pull up a chair, and arrange my legs. Our knees almost touch softly. His warmth tickles me.


    Knowing he can’t see me and having knowledge about how destroyed I am by how the special moment


    we were finally going to have after we were married was all ruined by his mistrust.


    “I didn’t sleep with Dawson. I didn’t, and I won’t. I have no other way to tell you and for you to


    understand, nor do I intend to sound innocent or weak. I know I’m not versed in these rtionship


    issues, but I want you to know that I would never betray you.” I take a breath. I see that he has his


    hands sped and that his eyes focus on me even though he can’t see me.


    His blindness doesn’t make me ufortable or bother me. I don’t feel sorry for him. I really don’t.


    From what little he let me notice and what others talk about him, I know that he is not a wimp, and he is


    tough. He is brave. The simple fact that he decided to take care of his son after his wife’s death says


    more about him than any resume. He is strong and will have my admiration forever.


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    “You were with me the night before our wedding,” I continue, but this time my voice betrays me, and my


    eyes water. Finally, I throat clear to regain control, but in vain. “You called me dragonfly. Your dragonfly.


    You loved me and made love to me. I came virgin to your arms.”


    Darío purses his lips. For an instant, Ie to believe he’s going to interrupt me to tell me it’s not true,


    but he stays still and doesn’t blink. He is there, in front of me, listening to me without objecting. He


    doesn’t look like the same man who, shirtless, in the middle of the bed, told me I had a sibling mix-up


    that night at theke.


    “It was you. I know it, I feel it, and I feel it when I listen to you. I would never mistake you for Dawson!” I


    make as much emphasis as I am capable of and as much as my sentimentality allows. I feel myself on


    the verge of an emotional breakdown. I fear to sob.


    I give myself a few minutes without uttering anything because the lump in my throat won’t let me.


    The house is silent. I chose the wallpaper when I decided to change the decoration of the matrimonial


    room, the one I unconsciously wanted. I arranged it for Darío and me.


    I can’t imagine the hell he must have gone through when he found out that his own brother slept with


    his wife. But, I don’t want to judge anyone, especially not at this point in our lives. Yes, our lives.


    Because I don’t intend to walk away. I’m not a weak maiden who runs when she feels the noose


    around her neck.


    Well, says the sarcastic voice in my head.


    I know I’m a coward, but I can’t be one minute longer.


    “When I said I loved you when we met in town, you replied that it was too soon, that we shouldn’t rush.


    I know it may sound false to you, juvenile, but it’s the truth. Without seeing you, without knowing who


    you were, what you were like physically, my heart told me. And you know what?”


    He cocks his head slightly, a gesture that makes him look even younger than he is. His age has been


    hidden between beards and dark circles under his eyes, sad and droopy eyes, that hatred and


    resentment with the world. He let himself be ovee by sadness.


    He and Dawson look alike, as they are identical. However, Dawson has that carefree look. That calm


    and serene face. He also has that liveliness and impulsiveness that reminds me so much of my sister


    Teresa. Both brothers are the same age, but Darío seems to be years ahead of Dawson, all thanks to


    Arianna’s betrayal and death.


    “I don’t care if you don’t believe me. What I feel for you is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. When you


    kiss me, and I feel you close, my heart beats so fast my breath catches.” I reach over, grab one of his


    hands and ce it on my chest. “Do you feel that? That’s my heart wanting to burst out of my chest just


    having you in front of me. Sad? Pathetic? I don’t give a shit. I’m sick of not throwing myself, of not


    following what my heart wants, of being just another one of the bunch.” I remove the hand covering his.


    I can’t help but look at him, distressed and anxious. “Do what you want with that confession. I’m not


    going anywhere... not unless you want me to.”


    We stand silently in the same posture: with his hand on my chest and his eyes on me, though he can’t


    see me.


    “When I saw you that night, I thought it was a dream, a figment of my imagination. I drank quite a lot of


    gin that night. I felt so bad about agreeing to let you marry me.” His husky voice so soft fills my ears. He


    could be telling me he hated me, and his tone would transport me back to that event on theke in the


    moonlight. “I didn’t want to be like the other men in these towns; that sexist retrogrades who think they


    have the power to y and do with women as they wish. Fathers who sell their daughters as if they


    were property or real estate. Husbands who mistreat their wives and use them as an ornament and a


    source of children.”


    I feel his caress. His hand slowly moved up and closed with the chair. Now both hands are on my neck.


    I close my eyes and enjoy his longed-forpany. I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want to move away or


    for the magic to break.


    Why must everything be so tricky between couples? Between two people who, however obvious it may


    seem, are attracted to each other?


    “I drank quite a lot of alcohol until I almost didn’t know myself. I ended up atke di Tenno, then I saw


    you. Just your silhouette. You mumbled something, and I loved your voice. You asked who was there


    and I didn’t know what to answer. You had me captivated. You looked like a mirage.”


    “But you came closer...”


    “I couldn’t help myself. Since Arianna’s death, I never approached any woman. Yet that night, for some


    reason, I felt that we were...”


    “Destined,” Iplete his sentence, for that is what he told me that night. “We met in the right ce.”


    “And at the right time.”


    “The next day, you didn’t know anything. You left me in shock. But, then, hearing your voice again, my


    mystery man had a face, and coincidentally he was going to be my husband that very day.”


    “I had no idea that my dream was real, that it was all real.”


    “It was,” I reply, confident.


    “Now I know.” He nods and strokes my cheeks with both hands. “David, my surgeon, confirmed that it’s


    possible to have forgotten something like that.”


    “Is it possible? Well, we can see it’s possible, but why?”


    Darío is silent, and for a second, I don’t think he’s going to continue. But, instead, he surprises me


    when he caresses my lower lip with his thumb.


    His warmth is addictive. His presence itself is.


    “Because I didn’t want to continue. My mind was closed to the idea of continuing my love life after


    Arianna died,” he moves a little closer, and I feel his breath on my lips, “but my heart always knew I


    could love someone else.”


    “You...”


    “I can love someone else, and I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget you. I hate myself for not


    being able to see you right now. I’m sorry, Tatiana, I’m truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It’s just that


    there are some things I don’t...”


    “I know about Dawson and Arianna.” I don’t want him to torture himself by saying it out loud. I know


    anyone feels it’s a shame to be betrayed like that, but I need him to understand it wasn’t his fault. “You


    need to stopcerating your heart and your life with something you couldn’t prevent.”


    “How did you find out? How did you know? Only Donate and Dawson know.” His brows furrow.


    I don’t want him to get mad at his brother for telling me.


    “The important thing is that I know, and I don’t want you to keep torturing yourself. You have to let go of


    the past, or you’ll lose your future.”


    “Wow...” he exims with a smile.


    “What?”


    “That’s what they told me just a while ago, and what do you think?”


    “I have no idea.”


    “I’m ready for that.”


    I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Could it be...? Could it be that I’m finally...?


    “As unbelievable as it may seem, even if I don’t see you, I know everything you’re thinking. Yes,


    Tatiana. That’s what I mean. So I’m ready to dedicate myself to you, to us, and to our family that is just


    beginning.”


    “God, you scared me to death!” I squeal. I throw myself on him and kiss him on the mouth hard. “I love


    you! I don’t care if it’s soon, and I don’t care if you don’t say it either. I just want you to try it with me.”


    “I will, I promise. I can’t promise I’ll say how I feel tomorrow either... I... I just...”


    “Easy.” I give him one more kiss and feel self-conscious as I hear a few footsteps since I’m almost on


    top of him, my ass in pomp and my arms around his neck. “As long as you tell me you want me in your


    life, that’s good enough for me.”


    “I want you in my life,” he confirms without a second’s hesitation.


    “That’s enough for me... for now.” I smile against his lips, and happiness makes me think he’s going to


    burst out of my chest. “Let’s go upstairs.”


    “Upstairs?”


    “It’s time to do what we didn’t do on our wedding night.”