Chapter 26 Back home


    I arrive at my parents’ house in ten minutes. I didn’t think for a second where to go when the family


    driver asked me for directions. The man was kind enough not to look at my appearance when I got into


    the ck sedan.


    “Daughter, what are you wearing!” my mother exims as she opens the front door. “You’re a woman


    married to a respectable man!”


    “Forget what I’m wearing. Why don’t you ask me what he did to make mee to the house like this?”


    I tell her as I walk in and go straight to my room.


    “Don’t yell at me!”


    “Yes, I do yell at you!” I quickly look for something to wear. It’s gettingte already. I look at the cuckoo


    clock I have hanging above the bookcase where I keep my novels and little ceramic dolls. “I don’t know


    how you can care so much about appearances, Mother. It doesn’t matter.”


    “Of course it matters. You got married and left here as a youngdy. You are with a man of a higher


    social ss. Therefore, your dress and appearance say a lot about you. Besides, I’m sorry to tell you


    that it influences your husband.”


    “I don’t give a damn about my husband!” I squeal.


    I finish pulling up my ck tube-style skirt. Likewise, I slip on a baggy white blouse of butterflies and


    red roses.


    “Don’t say that you look like a child.”


    “Where is Teresa?”


    I don’t n to stand around listening to my mother lectured me on how my actions influence society.


    That’s water under the bridge. I know, it’s true, she’s right, but right now, that’s a trifle. I don’t care that


    people see me and Mrs. Merlina at the flea market saw me get out of the sedan covered in a sheet. I’m


    tired of trying to be perfect! It’s exhausting to be someone you’re not. Pretending to please everyone, to


    help and please...no matter if you lose your essence along the way.


    “Your sister went out to buy some things for her trip.”


    “Are you okay with her going with that young man?”


    “I remind you that he is your brother-inw.” My mother stands in the doorframe and analyzes my every


    move. She looks tired. Her dress is wrinkled, which worries me, as Mom always tries to look


    impable.


    “So, you know?”


    “Tere is no fool. That girl is wide awake. She got herself a good match. She’ll have a good home and


    economic stability forever. They say those Magghio men only marry once.”


    “I can’t believe you just ept it.” It was a big shock for me to know that my younger sister has decided


    to tie the knot with Dawson Magghio. Of course, he can tell me that he is sorry for getting involved with


    Arianna, but after learning that he can betray his own brother, I don’t even want to consider what awaits


    Tere by marrying him.


    I tell my mother the same thing. In the meantime, I tie my hair up in a high bun and put a pair of golden


    rose hairpins in it.


    “Men are like that by nature. Don’t think you’ll have apletely faithful man, for it’s in his blood to


    want to try new meats.”


    What an excuse my mother makes.


    She doesn’t let me speak and continues. Finally, she walks over and sits on the edge of the bed.


    “You don’t know because you were very little when it happened, but more than fifteen years ago, your


    father had an affair.”


    “Dad cheated on you?” I stop looking at myself in the mirror. I walk over, sit next to her and sp her


    hands in mine. “I had no idea.”


    “I know you didn’t. I raised you in a bubble and hurt you by making you think the world is perfect. When


    I married your father, I was just a child, a few years younger than Teresa. He was my first man.”


    “I knew you married young, but I never got around to calcting the years.” Now I realize how airborne


    and lost I was. I understand why my mother thought the best thing that could happen to me was to


    marry someone financially stable: they did the same thing to her.


    “Your father was a well-known young man here. My family had just arrived by boat, and we had no one.


    We didn’t know anybody. I was an only child. Adjusting was difficult.” I look at Mom; she is far away.


    Although her body is beside me, I know her mind is far away from reminiscing about those times.


    “You were married by force, by convenience, just as you did with me.”


    “Twenty-five years ago, that was not a bad thing. It wasmon and normal between families. Your


    father courted me for a week, the first week we arrived. Dad had no job, no idea how to support Mom


    and me. I was barely out of high school.”


    “Oh, Mom!” The story repeated itself. I do nothing but feel lousy about how I hated my parents without


    realizing it. It was a vicious cycle for the Mattew family, and I was just another dot going around the


    circle. “When did Dad cheat on you? With whom? Is she from here?” I never considered getting into a


    rtionship with a married man.


    I never considered having sex even with Lucian.


    Darío was the one who broke my schemes and barriers. Maybe it was the pressure of knowing that I


    would be married the next day to a man whose nickname was the Shady One. That could upset the


    holiest of women. I don’t know if that influenced me to let myself make love and participate in


    something I had never allowed my boyfriend of so many years to do.


    “She’s passed away. She had cancer a few years into their rtionship.”


    “Rtionship? Wasn’t it a one-day thing? Did they keep seeing each other?”


    “For months.” I look at her, surprised, given that she hasn’t lost her cool or sanity at any point. No tears,


    no crying, nothing but grief just dusted off.


    “I’m so sorry, Mom.”


    “These are things that happen. I’m telling you this, Tati because I don’t want to see you unhappy. Nor


    do I want to see you sad and sleeping with any man for a couple of euros. You deserve so much more.


    Your father and I went out of our way to see that you both got the education you deserved.”


    “Still, Dad sold me to the highest bidder. To the only bidder. He didn’t think twice when Darío came


    offering to pay his debts.”


    “You must know something.” She contemtes me; her eyes are the same color as mine. She strokes


    my left cheek, something that always made me feel better.


    “No more secrets, please,” I ask. I don’t know if my heart can take it.


    “I don’t know what made youe wrapped in that sheet like your husband tried to abuse you.” I get


    ready to interrupt her, but she stops me. “I don’t care if you’re going to tell me otherwise because that’s


    what you look like, and that’s what people will think. That’s why you should always think about how


    your actions can affect those around you.”


    “I just needed to leave.”


    “And I understand you. Sometimes you need your space to think, your time alone.”


    “You’ve always been there, and you’ve never run away even though you have two daughters.” As much


    as my mother spoke to me loudly and out of turn, she has always been there for us. I don’t remember


    her contradicting my father.


    “We are not all the same. We wives carry an enormous burden and more so if we are only dedicated to


    being mothers and housewives.” She stands up, and I do the same. “Darío was not the one who came


    to ask for your hand, it was your father who sought his help.”


    The coldness reinstalls itself in my heart, sticking like a million needles in acupuncture therapy. I feel


    short of breath and drop my body back onto the bed.


    “As I told you, Tati, I don’t know what made youe here and what made youe back. However, I


    cannot allow you to believe that it was all that poor widower’s fault. If anyone bears full responsibility, it


    is your father because he did the same thing my father did to me. This is not what I want for my


    daughters.”


    I hear my sister’s voiceing, and I contemte my mother. I have so many things to say, so many


    words stuck in my throat. An indescribable pain grips my body. I no longer know what to think or


    believe. However, I begin to understand why Teresa wants to leave with Dawson: she saw what I didn’t


    have time to see or understand. In my foolish idea that everything could go well, perfectly, and


    organized as I wished, I did not know that one thing is what the donkey wants and another who makes


    it. My own father sold me. He is used to seeing it and doing it. Dad is almost ten years older than my


    mother. I don’t even want to imagine the pain she suffered being offered to that older man. The


    unhappiness she must have felt, I never noticed. She was so engrossed in being happy. I didn’t notice


    how she was wasting away in a marriage where she had no say.


    “Hello? Anyone here?” I ran over to meet Teresa and hugged her tightly.


    I hadn’t seen her for days since I moved into the castle. Thest time we talked was when she told me


    she was marrying Dawson.


    “Tati! What are you doing here?! I’m so happy to see you!” she squeals and hops in my arms. “Oh, this


    is the best surprise ever!”


    “I’m happy to see you too, tadpole!” I hold her against my chest briskly. I’d love to keep her small


    forever.


    “Come on, my babies, let’s have some coffee.” My mother goes to the kitchen, and we follow in her


    footsteps.


    “What are you doing here? How is Darío and his recovery going?”


    “Recovery?” My mother has no idea about the surgery Darío had.


    It’s just that even I didn’t know he was going to have such a thing done. I guess my sister’s


    communication with Dawson is more effective than mine with Darío. I proceed to exin. She grabs


    her head and blurts out a mumbled sentence.


    “It’s okay. At least he’s alive and at home,” I try to reassure her.


    “What are you looking here then?! You’re crazy! Your husband needs you now more than ever.”


    I run my hand over my face and throat clear, ufortable. I don’t know if I should tell my mother


    about the situation I’m going through in my marriage. But, I also don’t want to look so inexperienced


    and have her feel that I can’t keep the signed contract because that’s what it was, a contract for them


    and Darío, but not for me.


    For me, it became a wonderful escape. Marrying the man I desired and who awakened dormant


    feelings and emotions was beautiful. However, the reality turned out to be different.


    With her ck shirt and short hair with highlights, my sister looks beautiful, a real princess. No dark


    circles under her eyes, no freckles, and no wrinkles from bad times. She is happy. I instantly feel the


    same way.


    Her happiness is mine.


    I owe Dawson an apology. I don’t think judging him lightly was the best thing to do. However, we all


    deserve the vote of confidence.


    “You see...”


    I tell them everything: the night before the wedding, theke, the unbridled passion, the desire I had


    never felt, and how Darío loved me beyond measure. Then, I tell them what happened the day after


    and when he said he didn’t remember any of it.


    My mother puts the coffee on and almost drops the cup when she hears me say what happened a few


    hours ago.


    “And to top it off, all he tells me is that maybe I got confused, and the one I was with that night was...”


    “Dawson.” My sister ties up at once.


    “I know it wasn’t him,” I reassure her.


    “I know that too. Rx, you don’t have to exin yourself to me. That same night I saw Dawson. After


    you left, he came to see me, and we talked for a while.”


    “Where was I all that time?” My mother pours our coffee and sits down at the round table with us. She


    watches us without crediting what she hears. “I have been blind in my own house?”


    “He stood at my window the whole time and exined about the wedding. That’s when I knew who you


    were going to marry: his brother. I didn’t want to tell you about him right away, because... I don’t know...


    I don’t...”


    “It doesn’t matter. All I care about is that you’re happy. That he makes you happy.”


    “I am, and I will continue to be. Mom has been very supportive. She agrees; she wants me to go away


    and see the world.”


    “I want the best for my daughters and that opportunity I couldn’t choose.” She ces her hands on


    ours, and we look at each other with watery eyes.


    It’s an adult moment we never had. We never got that trust from our mother. Now I realize how


    necessary it is.


    “What will you do?” my sister asks me after a while.


    “I don’t know.” And I’m honest. I have no idea what the hell to do.


    Go back? Go back to a house where my husband thinks I slept with his brother? Feel like I’m not


    enough, and he thinks I’m like his dead wife?


    “You will go home, go back to your husband and help him with everything.” My mother grabs my chin


    and speaks frankly to me. “You’re going to go to that castle, and you’re going to show him that you’re


    not a toy, that you’re not just anyone. People sometimes don’t see what’s right before their eyes. As a


    woman, intelligent and skillful, you must tear off the blindfold that covers their vision. Assert your right,


    make him understand that you will not leave and not like his ex-wife. Finally, you do give yourself


    respect.”


    “And what do I do about hisck of love?” I take a sip of my coffee. It’s hot and revives what was cold


    from the pain.


    “He will learn to love you because you are an exceptional woman. Love doesn’t happen overnight, and


    from what you say, at least the flesh is already weak with you. Even if it takes more work, you will


    seed in repairing what his ex destroyed.”


    I sigh and feel my lips turn tremulous.


    It’s too much for me. I’ve never felt the need to show someone that I love them.


    “Don’t cry. That doesn’t solve anything. You suffer, you ruin yourself... and others don’t even notice your


    pain,” Tere whispers as she runs her hand across my shoulders, showing me that I have two


    magnificent women by my side.


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    “Thank you,” I tell them with a lump in my throat. “Thank you for listening to me.”


    “Don’t thank me. We all go through situations that force us to seek second opinions. After all, two


    heads think more than one.” My mother smiles and finishes drinking her coffee. “And in this house,


    there are three of us.”