Chapter 40


    He leaned against the fence, his posture deceptivelyzy. “That’s a custom, isn’t it, to share frocks with


    one’s maid?”


    Sophie nodded. “When one is through with them, of course. No one would give a new frock away.”


    “I see.”


    Sophie eyed him suspiciously, wondering why on earth he cared about the status of her new dress.


    “Didn’t you want to go inside?” he inquired.


    “What are you up to?” she asked.


    “Why would you think I’m up to anything?”


    Her lips pursed before she said, “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t up to something.”


    He smiled at that. “I do believe that was apliment.”


    “It wasn’t necessarily intended as such.”


    “But nheless,” he said mildly, “that’s how I choose to take it.”


    She wasn’t sure how best to respond, so she said nothing. She also didn’t move toward the door. She


    wasn’t sure why, since she’d been quite vocal about her desire to be alone. But what she said and what


    she felt weren’t always one and the same. In her heart she longed for this man, dreamed of a life that


    could never be.


    She shouldn’t be so angry with him. He shouldn’t have forced her against her wishes toe to


    London, that was true, but she couldn’t fault him for offering her a position as his mistress. He had


    done what any man in his position would have done. Sophie had no illusions about her ce in London


    society. She was a maid. A servant. And the only thing that separated her from other maids and


    servants was that she’d had a taste of luxury as a child. She’d been reared gently, if without love, and


    the experience had shaped her ideals and values. Now she was forever stuck between two worlds, with


    no clear ce in either.


    “You look very serious,” he said quietly.


    Sophie heard him, but she couldn’t quite break herself from her thoughts.


    Benedict stepped forward. He reached out to touch her chin, then checked himself. There was


    something untouchable about her just then, something unreachable. “I can’t bear it when you look so


    sad,” he said, surprised by his own words. He hadn’t intended to say anything; it had just slipped out.


    She looked up at that. “I’m not sad.”


    He gave his head the tiniest shake. “There’s a sorrow deep in your eyes. It’s rarely gone.”


    Her hand flew to her face, as if she could actually touch that sorrow, as if it were solid, something that


    could be massaged away.


    Benedict took her hand and raised it to his lips. “I wish you would share your secrets with me.”


    “I have no—”


    “Don’t lie,” he cut in, his tone harsher than he’d intended. “You have more secrets than any woman I’ve


    —” He broke off, a sudden image of the woman from the masquerade shing through his mind. “More


    than almost any woman I’ve known,” he finished.


    Her eyes met his for the briefest of seconds, and then she looked away. “There is nothing wrong with


    secrets. If I choose—”


    “Your secrets are eating you alive,” he said sharply. He didn’t want to stand there and listen to her


    excuses, and his frustration gnawed at his patience. “You have the opportunity to change your life, to


    reach out and grasp happiness, and yet you won’t do it.”


    “I can’t,” she said, and the pain in her voice nearly unmanned him.


    “Nonsense,” he said. “You can do anything you choose. You just don’t want to.”


    “Don’t make this harder than it already is,” she whispered.


    When she said that, something snapped inside of him. He felt it palpably, a strange popping sensation


    that released a rush of blood, feeding the frustrated anger that had been simmering inside of him for


    days. “You think it’s not hard?” he asked. “You think it’s not hard?”


    “I didn’t say that!”


    He grabbed her hand and pulled her body against his, so she could see for herself just how hard he


    was. “I burn for you,” he said, his lips touching her ear. “Every night, I lie in bed, thinking of you,


    wondering why the hell you’re here with my mother, of all people, and not with me.”


    “I didn’t want—”


    “You don’t know what you want,” he cut in. It was a cruel statement, condescending in the extreme, but


    he was beyond caring. She’d wounded him in a way he hadn’t even known was possible, with a power


    he’d never dreamed she possessed. She’d chosen a life of drudgery over a life with him, and now he


    was doomed to see her almost every day, to see her and taste her and smell her just enough to keep


    his desire sharp and strong.


    It was his own fault, of course. He could have let her stay in the country, could have saved himself this


    wrenching torture. But he’d surprised even himself by insisting that shee to London. It was odd,


    and he was almost afraid to analyze what it meant, but he needed to know that she was safe and


    protected more than he needed her for himself.


    She said his name, but her voice wasced with longing, and he knew that she was not indifferent to


    him. She might not fully understand what it meant to want a man, but she wanted him all the same.


    He captured her mouth with his, swearing to himself as he did so that if she said no, if she made any


    sort of indication that she didn’t want this, he’d stop. It’d be the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he


    would do it.


    But she didn’t say no, and she didn’t push against him or struggle or squirm. Instead, she positively


    melted into him, her hands twining in his hair as her lips parted beneath his. He didn’t know why she’d


    suddenly decided to let him kiss her—no, to kiss him—but he wasn’t about to lift his lips from hers to


    wonder why.


    He seized the moment, tasting her, drinking her, breathing her. He was no longer quite so confident that


    All content ? N/.?vel/Dr/ama.Org.


    he would be able to convince her to be his mistress, and it was suddenly imperative that this kiss


    be more than just a kiss. It might have tost him a lifetime.


    He kissed her with renewed vigor, pushing away the niggling voice in his head, telling him that he’d


    been here, done this before. Two years earlier he’d danced with a woman, kissed her, and she’d told


    him that he’d have to pack a lifetime into a single kiss.


    He’d been overconfident then; he hadn’t believed her. And he’d lost her, maybe lost everything. He


    certainly hadn’t met anyone since with whom he could even imagine building a life.


    Until Sophie.


    Unlike thedy in silver, she wasn’t someone he could hope to marry, but also unlike thedy in silver,


    she was here.


    And he wasn’t going to let her get away.


    She was here, with him, and she felt like heaven. The soft scent of her hair, the slight taste of salt on


    her skin—she was, he thought, born to rest in the shelter of his arms. And he was born to hold her.


    “Come home with me,” he whispered in her ear.


    She said nothing, but he felt her stiffen.


    “Come home with me,” he repeated.


    “I can’t,” she said, the breath of each word whispering across his skin.


    “You can.”


    She shook her head, but she didn’t pull away, so he took advantage of the moment and brought his lips


    to hers one more time. His tongue darted in, exploring the warm recesses of her mouth, tasting the


    very essence of her. His hand found the swell of her breast and he squeezed gently, his breath


    catching as he felt her pucker beneath him. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel her skin, not the


    fabric of her dress.


    But this was not the ce. They were in his mother’s garden, for God’s sake. Anyone coulde


    across them, and to be frank, if he hadn’t pulled her into the alcove right by the door, anyone could


    have seen them. It was the sort of thing that could cause Sophie to lose her job.


    Maybe he should be pulling her out into the open, where all the world would see, because then she’d


    be on her own again, and she’d have no choice but to be his mistress.


    Which was, he reminded himself, what he wanted.


    But it urred to him—and frankly, he was rather surprised he had the presenc


    e of mind at such a moment for anything to ur to him—that part of the reason he cared so much for


    her was her remarkably solid and unflinching sense of herself. She knew who she was, and


    unfortunately for him, that person didn’t stray from the bounds of respectable society.


    If he ruined her so publicly, in front of people she admired and respected, he’d break her spirit. And that


    would be an unforgivable crime.


    Slowly, he pulled away. He still wanted her, and he still wanted her to be his mistress, but he wasn’t


    going to force the issue bypromising her in his mother’s household. When she came to him—and


    she would, he vowed—it would be of her own free will.


    In the meantime, he would woo her, wear her down. In the meantime, he’d—


    “You stopped,” she whispered, looking surprised.


    “This isn’t the ce,” he replied.


    For a moment her face showed no change of expression. Then, almost as if someone were pulling a


    shade over her face, horror dawned. It started in her eyes, which grew impossibly round and somehow


    even more green than usual, then it reached her mouth, her lips parting as a gasp of air rushed in.


    “I didn’t think,” she whispered, more to herself than to him.


    “I know.” He smiled. “I know. I hate it when you think. It always ends badly for me.”


    “We can’t do this again.”


    “We certainly can’t do it here.”


    “No, I mean—”


    “You’re spoiling it.”


    “But—”


    “Humor me,” he said, “and let me believe the afternoon ended without your telling me this will never


    happen again.”


    “But—”


    He pressed a finger to her lips. “You’re not humoring me.”


    “But—”


    “Don’t I deserve this one little fantasy?”


    Atst, he broke through. She smiled.


    “Good,” he said. “That’s more like it.”


    Her lips quivered, then, amazingly, her smile grew.


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