ire


    Every nerve ending in my body tingles, and I roll across the bed, realizing it’s empty. In a panic, I sit up, wondering ifst night was a dream. One simple stretch of my limbs, and I know it wasn’t. The muscles in my legs ache, but in a delicious way. As I lean back against the pillows, I can’t believe how differentst night was to our first time together. La was still rough and even more possessive, but there was a tenderness to his touch that I didn’t understand, and that was definitely not there before.


    Every move he made, every swirl of his hips, it was all focused on me. A smile splits my face, and I cover it with my hand. It’s wrong to be smiling, wrong to feel any type of joy about having him here. My excitement fades away when I think about the other woman he is in love with. Why find me? Just for sex, or so he can drag me back there, try to control me again?


    Suddenly, I’m mad, because if he hade here to talk to me, to see me, to want more from me, or to apologize, maybe I would’ve thought about it.


    Now, I’m going to tell him to get the fuck out.


    The door to the bedroom opens, and I jump a foot off the bed when La appears in the doorway with a tray of steamy food in his hands.


    “I had to run to the grocery store. You don’t have shit to eat here.”


    The smell of eggs, and bacon along with fresh coffee, waft into the room, and my stomach grumbles in protest of what I n to say.


    “Why did youe here?”


    He crosses the room and sets the tray at the foot of the bed. “What do you mean why did Ie here? You’re mine, ire. I came here to bring you back with me. I want you in my life. I wanted you in my life before I was just too fucking stupid to put it into words.” I pull the thin sheet tighter around me, wishing it could protect my heart from the words La just said.


    I’m angry and sad and a little heartbroken. He wants me, but only because he lost me.


    “You had your chance to want me. In fact, you had numerous chances. I basically offered myself to you, and you turned me down. Now it’s time for you to go.”


    “There is a life back there for you,” he tells me,pletely ignoring my words.


    “I don’t want to go back there, and I don’t want you to be here.”


    La sighs and walks over to me, stopping right in front of me. His blue eyes are soft, and he looks happy. He cups my cheek, running his thumb over the swell. It takes every ounce of resistance I have not to lean into his touch.


    “Don’t you want to go back to college? Visit your family and friends?” He offers me the world, everything that I could’ve wanted before, but it’s toote. “I can give you that. I don’t want you to stay here alone. It’s not safe, and you have nothing. The thought of you being hurt by someone, and I’m not here to protect you.” A visible shiver works its way down his spine.


    “I’ve been doing it for six months on my own. I think I’ll be okay. Plus, that ce was never my home. It was only ever supposed to be temporary.”


    La’s hand drops from my face. He seems indifferent to what I’ve said, and guilt slices through his features. “That’s my fault, and I never apologize for anything, mainly because there isn’t anything to apologize for, but I am sorry for all I put you through. It’s why I didn’t give in to my want of you earlier. It’s why I tried my damnedest to push you away, again and again.”


    It dawns on me then that he didn’t consider himself good enough for me, but that should’ve been my choice, not his.


    He looks down at his hands. “I got my old job back. We wouldn’t be returning to the safe house in Brookfield. We’d be going home. To the ce you grew up. You could go to the local college there, and Hope, your friend, still lives there.”


    “That all sounds perfect, La, but I’m not sure that ce would ever feel like home again to me. Everything has changed so much, and I’m not the same person I was when I left that town. I want to close that chapter on my life and move forward.”


    My heart aches as I say that. The only part of my life I refuse to let go of is my parents, Steven and Tracy. I spent thest six months feeling alone, wanting to call them so badly while scared that doing so would give La a lead right to my doorstep. Turns out, I didn’t even have to do that because he found me anyway.


    La looks up and right into my eyes. His stare is so consuming it makes me want to look away, but I don’t. “No matter what, I’m not leaving here without you.”


    “You can’t just barge back into my life and act like everything is okay.”


    “I’m not. I told you how I fucked up and that I want you to be mine, and now you’re dragging your feet.”


    “It took you six months to realize you want me. It took me leaving for you to get the guts to admit it to yourself. Sorry, but if you didn’t want me then, you don’t want me now. Plus, I’ve moved on. I don’t want you anymore.” It’s the wrong thing to say. I realize it the moment I say it, but I can’t take the words back now.


    In the blink of my eyes, La is on me, his hand in my hair, tugging on the strands, making my scalp scream in pain while forcing my attention on him. “Didn’t seem you were over mest night as you came on my hand, tongue, and cock. Maybe you should show how over me you are right now?”


    The skin of my face heats with embarrassment, and I squeeze my eyes shut to hide the tears building there. I want La so much it hurts, but I don’t want to risk heartache again. I don’t want him to control me. I want to be his equal. I want to be the one he loves, not the mistress.


    “I…” La moves closer, and I know this because I can feel his hot breath on my throat. “I want you, ire, and I’m going to do whatever I have to do to make it happen. What do you want from me? What can I do to make you see it? I know you felt itst night.” His lips press against my thundering pulse, and I shiver.


    I blink my eyes open, and our gazes collide.


    “I want my freedom, La. I don’t want to be controlled. I know you’re possessive of me, but I can’t be your butterfly if I’m trapped in a cage.” A single tear slides down my cheek, and La watches it intently. There’s a long pregnant pause, and he untangles his fingers from my hair.


    Can I do this? Can I trust he won’t lock me in the ivory tower the second he has me right where he wants me? Can I trust he will choose me in the end?


    “I don’t want to trap you, ire,” La finally says. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you or scare you. Your protection… it just means everything to me. Your safety, knowing you’re okay. It gives me life and makes me feel like even with all the fucked up, morally wrong things I’ve done in my life, at least I did one good thing by caring for you.”


    He’s telling me everything I want to hear, but is it the truth?


    I’m about to ask him about the letter, about the other woman he is in love with, but every time I open my mouth, my throat constricts.


    My stomach grumbles again, and I’m reminded of the food sitting at the foot of the bed. La smiles. “Are you hungry?”


    I nod, and for the first time in a long time, I smile too.


    La grabs the tray and ces it in front of me. I dig into the eggs and bacon and chug the ss of orange juice down before he’s even touched his te of food.


    “Uh, sorry.” I giggle.


    “No, don’t be.” He grabs the other ss of orange juice and hands it to me. “I have no idea how you survived here with no food.”


    Yeah, now would probably not be a good time to tell him I ate whatever I could get at the diner on break and a few crackers with peanut butter here and there.Owned by N?velDrama.Org.


    After I’m finished with breakfast, I hesitate on whether I should ask La if I can use his phone to call Steven and Tracy. I’ve wanted to call them since I got here, and now that La is here, there’s no reason I shouldn’t call them.


    “Would it be possible to… um, call my parents, maybe?”


    “Yes. I told them I would have you call them as soon as I arrived, but… you know, you tried to beat me with a broom.”


    I roll my eyes and extend my hand, waiting for him to ce his phone in it. He pulls the ck device from his pocket and offers it to me. The phone feels like a foreign object after going six months without using one. My fingers move over the screen, and before I can navigate to the dial pad, the phone rings.


    The names Steven and Tracy sh across the screen, and I look from the phone to La. “Apparently, they want to talk to you as badly as you want to talk to them.”


    My finger trembles as I press the green answer key and bring the phone to my ear.


    “Hello.”


    “Oh my god! Is that you, ire?” Tracy’s shriek of excitement makes me pull the phone away from my ear a bit.


    “It’s me,” I whisper. “I’ve missed you guys so much.”


    “We’ve missed you too, sweetheart. When La told us he’d found out where you were, we were excited and scared.”


    I hate I worried them. That I hurt them. I thought I was making the right choice, and I still feel like I did, but I miss them like crazy.


    “I’m sorry if I worried you guys or hurt you. That wasn’t my intention at all.”


    “Do not apologize, sweetie, we understand, and we were only worried because that’s what parents do. They worry about their children,” Tracy says.


    My heart swells. They care about me so much, and I just left. “I was just about to call you, but you beat me to it,” I tell them.


    “When we didn’t hear from Last night, we got a little worried and called this morning. I’m so d we did,” Steven booms.


    I’m distraught, and the guilt I feel presses on my shoulders heavily. They took me in when they didn’t have to and helped care for me. They deserved more than just a text message from me saying goodbye.


    “I’m going toe and visit soon.” It’s not a lie, I’m going to visit them. I just don’t know under what circumstances yet.


    “Yes! We would love that. Are you nning to return home with La?” It’s a question I had hoped they wouldn’t ask, mainly because I don’t have an answer.


    “I don’t know,” I reply, letting sadness drain into my voice. “When I figure out what’s going on, I’ll let you know.”


    “Of course, sweetie.” Tracy tries to make herself sound joyful, but I can tell she’s disappointed. “Yes… yes, hold on…” Tracy suddenly says. A momentter, a different voicees through the phone.


    “Hey, loser,” Carter greets.


    “Hey, yourself.” I smile, only now realizing how much I missed that idiot.


    “I was mad at you for leaving, so I farted on your pillow every chance I got.” His words make meugh so hard, I hold my belly and gasp for air.


    “Sorry, I just left,” I say when I catch my breath again.


    “I know, but seriously,e and visit soon. Okay?”


    “I promise, but I’ve got to go now. I’ll call again soon.”


    “You better. Bye, loser.”


    “Bye, loser,” I say and end the call.


    My heart is tattered, a bloody pulp of nothing. I’ve hurt everyone I care about by running away, but I’ve freed myself too.


    Now I have to decide if I want to return with La and see what lies ahead for us or stay here? I look up and find La watching me with a look I don’t understand.


    “I’m not leaving without you, ire. I’m tired of fighting us. This, whatever it is between us, is long overdue, and I’m ready to explore it.”


    “I need to think about it,” is what I say, even though I want to scream yes at the top of my lungs.