Chapter 67: Exhausted
Lucia''s POV
Half of my clothes was so wet by all my crying. I''m lost, broken so confuse, I really don''t know what to
do anymore. My heart is so tired and it''s so broken. I can''t take this pain that I''m feeling.It''s like
someone has stabbed a sword right through my heart and let it bleed out till thest minute. I try to stop
thinking about her, I try to stop crying and telling myself that she is not worth my tears because she is
not, but the pain it was getting just worst and worst.I cry and cry and cry but it seems the more i cry the
more the pain hurts. I heard my friend called for me but I couldn''t even let her in I want to be alone I
want to die I''m no use for this world my life is a messed.
"I''m so sorry Brenda , I''m sorry please just take away this pain it''s hurt my heart."
I''m tired so tired. I wipe my tears screaming out this emotional feeling. I''m not going to cry again no no
no, it''s fine its okay I''m fine. I can take this pain I will overe it. She can go to hell and do just what
she wants but I''m not going to cry in this room no more. I look for my phone trying to keep me busy as I
sobb trying so hard not to concentrate on this pain.
"Mommy Lucia", I heard LJ''s voice and hearing her knock on the door. I''m sorry but I really need to be
alone right. Who does she really thinks she is and what does she thinks about her self, did she even
love me like she said. I sight trying to think about everything dis she really love me. I scroll down my
phone looking for a certain song to listen just to calm myself. I find it and I y it puting my phone on
loud volume trying to take out LJ''s and chrissy voice.
Iy down on the bed sighting. I breathe in and out wrapping a nket around my body and closing my
eyes while the song ys making me rxed into the soft beat and melody.
There goes my heart beating
Cause you are the reason
I''m losing my sleep
Pleasee back now
There goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I''m still breathing I''m hopeless now.
I''d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I''ve broken
OH cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
There goes my hand shaken
And you are the reason, My heart keeps beating
I need you now
If I could turn back the clock
I''d make sure the lights defeated the dark
It''s doesn''t seems like destiny will ever grand me that second chance to make things right. I want to
send this song to her but I don''t know if she going to read my messages nor listen to this song I don''t
matter to her anymore.Sadness overwhelmed me again as I can''t imagine being without her I felt like
there something missing. I promise my mom and LJ that I Wil stop crying and not thinking about
everything so much but I can''t, I don''t like living this way I''m better off dieing.
I walk down towards the windows and open it up I climb through it and sit down with my legs hanging
out and shaking as tears roll down my face.It was all ready dark as you can see the stars in the sky. My
face was hit with cold wind blowing making me flinched by how cold it was.I was trying so hard to throw
myself down and just die she is good off without me. But I''m not going to do it for her but for me to keep
this pain away seeing her with someone els will just tore my heart apart and I''m not going to let it
happen. I close my eyes enjoying the cold wind blowing through my face and hair. It was really
refreshing and calming me down. I press my eyes very hard breathing through my noise as I heard LJ''s
little voice in my head.
"Mommy Lucia I love you so much." I imagine her happy face when she said that I''m will bring her
many sisters and brothers. What will happen with her when I jump down here it will break her, destroy
her mostly her connection with her mother and I don''t want that. I want her to be happy. I think about all
the people I''m going to hurt when killing myself chrissy will breakdown and as crazy she is she will kill
her self. I''m the best thing that happened to her I can''t do this. My mom, I''m all she had now, I can''t do
that to her to them just for the sake of Brenda not loving me. I wipe my tears from my face and sigth
hard trying to get the dirty things I''m willing to do out of my head and get off from the window to go and
check on my family.
Maybe I will see Brenda just maybe seeing her smile, her beautiful face her eyes that give me
butterflies. I really love her and I''m so sorry for calling her a monster she is my everything. I change my
clothes intofortable clothes and went down to see what they busy with. I walk down the hall but
stop when I heard Brendaugh. It''s so beautiful hearing herugh it was so sweet and I can''t wait to
make herugh again but my heart almost fall out of my chest when I heard her said something. I
turned my head towards where her voice wereing from at the second floor of the house seeing her
talk on the phone.
"I miss you too and can''t wait to see you again, sleep tight." she said to the person on the phone
making me froze.
Why is she doing this to me why don''t she just told me to leave her alone and to stay away from her. I
wasn''t in the mood for people anymore as I walk back towards the way where our room was located at
the third floor trying to keep my tears back. I''m so done crying, I''m so exhausted to let my tears fall. I
walk up to LJ''s room to fetch the pills Mrs swartz gave me. I wasn''t sure if LJ''s was here so I didn''t
knock and just open the door and walk in. It''s was very dark inside but I could see a little lighting
through her balcony where I saw her sit.
"LJ honey", I called out as I walk closer to her seeing her looking out into the darkness. She wasn''t
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answering me which I don''t me her. She look so lost I was feeling very bad for her. Her eyes was
cold and nk as she look out maybe at the stars. I take her pink barbie nket from her bed and pick
her up slowly not to let her fall from my hands and sit down on the chair which I assume it''s her
mother''s and make myselffortable with her on myp as I kiss her on her head.
"I''m sorry baby girl for not opening the door for you but I needed space, why are you not sleeping yet
and siting here alone darling? i asked her. It doesn''t look like she''s going to answer me but it was fine,
I''m happy here with her in my arms atleast there is some ce i can be and be happy.
" Okay now I''m here you can sleep I''m going nowhere", I told her as I hold her close to my chest and
wrapping the nket around us. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment with her while I try to get
Brenda out of my mind hearing herugh because of someone else making me sight. Why can I get
her out of my head.We sat there for how long I don''t know but I started to feel tired, I''m sure LJ was
asleep by now hearing her smooth soft breathing I didn''t have the strength to stand up as I close my
eyes letting the sleep took over.
Just when the sleep was about to take over I heard the door of the room open making me groan as I
turned my head towards the door seeing Brenda walking in making me sigth.I wasn''t going to fight with
her if this is what she thought then she is wrong. I felt her hands running through my hair making me
sigth again.I was shocked when I felt her hands wrapped around my shoulders and my legs as she lift
both me and LJ up as I still hold onto her. I was so exhausted as I let her do her things because I trust
her but it was strange for me so for a moment I gain my mind back telling myself that she is a vampire
after all so it is possible for her to lift us up as she put us down to LJ''s bed and covers us up.
I close my eyes and let the sleep took me over again feeling her climb in next to her daughter with her
arm wrapped around us making me flinch by her touch on my hips as our eyes locked.