35: Losing control


    For days now, Alexander had been sending letters to Sophia. Maybe he realized how much of a fool


    he was to let her go. I figured if he did that because of the feelings he had for her.


    He literally rejected her and never wanted to be with her. But from the information I got before


    leaving the pack, he was changing towards her, wanting to win her back.


    A chuckle escaped my lips at the stupidity of it all. Because after everything, it still went down the


    drain when thend at the Easton border was mentioned. For a brief moment when I spent time in


    his pack with his father, their rtionship reminded me of my father with me.


    They never agreed to anything. But one thing that also shocked me was how willing Alexander was


    to give Sophia away when his father told him something. I was sure it had something to do with that


    bitch, Dianne.


    "Discard it," I said to Nicks and resumed my hands on the files.


    I sat down on the chair, the sound of Nicks''s footsteps fading while I looked at them.


    Ten minutes into them, I was bone tired already. A part of me knew why I was tired. I wanted to see


    Sophia. She wasing into my mind more than I could admit to myself.


    Even if there was hate in her eyes when she looked at me, I wanted to keep seeing those eyes. I


    didn''t know what I would do if she had taken Ava''s advice to leave the pack.


    A growl erupted from me as I clutched the pen tightly in my hands, I heard a resounding snap. But


    that didn''t quell the anger that flowed in my heart for Ava at what she attempted to do.


    She knew the severity of what she wanted to do. I felt like she just wanted to always see me in pain.


    Thest time she tried to inflict emotional pain on me backfired on her. I was sure the gods and also


    the moon goddess were behind me, fighting for me.


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    I looked down at the spoiled pen on my hand and cursed one more time as I stood up and walked


    over to where my stack of pens was kept and found it empty.


    I cursed again.


    I stormed my way over to my room to get my supplies. I had always had a weird habit of keeping my


    things close to me. No matter how many times I was told in the past by my mother to keep such


    things in the storage room, I couldn''t.


    There was this joy and relief that knowing my things were within arm''s reach and no harm would


    come to them. But what I couldn''t keep within arm''s reach was my mother.


    I begged her multiple times not to go with my bastard of a father but I was just a little boy in her


    eyes. A boy who couldn''t distinguish his left from his right.


    *****


    "He''s not letting me," Sophia said when we were in the hospital.


    It had been five days since west saw Tenia. ording to what he said, Sophia''s gifts were intact


    and she just needed someone to teach her how to use them.


    That hade as a challenge to me because there were no witches in my pack. And the only other


    person who had a gift close to that of a witch was Ava. Although she hasn''t used them in so long.


    Her mate had told me using them was like a trigger for her. Sometimes I wondered why she was so


    emotionally unstable. If there was someone who could be suffering from them, it should be me. And


    not her.


    I couldn''t even bring myself to ask her to train Sophia to use her gifts. She would try to do


    something so stupid. It happened two years ago when I told her to help me find Sophia.


    At that time, she was still a little bit sane to me. But then, she went all crazy on me. I made that


    mistake once. I won''t be having it twice.


    "Try for a second time," I watched Sophia. She was seated on one of the many avable chairs in


    the white room.


    The room was designed for her to heal the people. That might just be one of the reasons she''s


    here. But most importantly, she was here to carry my pups.


    "It''s not working. I''ve tried several times. I think it''s him."


    "Him?" I asked as my eyes found their way to the man sitting opposite her, his right hand ced on


    hers. He was barely here and hanging on to a thin thread of life.


    "Yes, I think he''s not letting me. He doesn''t want to be cured. I think he wants to be with his mate,"


    she said and ran her free hand which was her left hand on her hair.


    She stopped when she realized it was held up in a ponytail. But that little action which could have


    helped ease her stress made her let out a long breath instead.


    "His mate is dead. And he has a duty to this pack. Try again."


    She scoffed and stood up. The man was falling but was quickly held back by my Beta. I was


    thankful I decided to bring him over today. The day before was hell with people screaming at


    Sophia. They didn''t trust her and I understood why. I winced at the memories. And opened my eyes


    to see Sophia ring down at me.


    She was saying something but I could register what she was saying because the man''s heartbeat


    stopped. He died in Nicks'' arms.


    I cursed under my breath and pushed Sophia aside with my left hand. She seemed stunned for a


    moment until she realized what just happened.


    "Burn him," I said and Sophia''s breath caught in her throat. I could tell because of the gasp that left


    her.


    "No, we are going to give him back to his family. It''s not his fault he was contacted by the disease,"


    "Then whose fault? Mine?!" I snapped at her and turned around. She didn''t back down.


    "I don''t know. But you need to work on yourself. You act like a selfish person who thinks about


    nothing but himself. Just like how you decided to give out thatnd when you knew the


    consequences."


    "You sure sound like it''s my fault. Don''t sugar-coat your words. I won''t tolerate you making me feel


    like what I do for my people isn''t enough," I said and balled my fists.


    The thought that I wanted to make Sophia mine, make her feel loved here, and apologize for


    everything I did to her in the past few out of the window.


    I couldn''t think straight with my anger. I had never thought straight when it burned through my veins.


    I only realized what I did when I was breathing well again. When the blood that coursed through my


    veins wasn''t mixed with anger.


    It was a deadly weapon. I knew that. But I didn''t think straight when my hands went up on their own


    and pushed Sophia.


    She fell with a loud thud, her head hitting the wall. I thought she would let out a sharp cry of pain. Or


    worse, pass out. But that was nothingpared to the fury I saw that danced in her eyes.


    Or the way her nails elongated. She partially shifted with only the furs on her hands sticking out. At


    that moment, I realized what I did. She was able to do it because she was part lycanthrope.


    Werewolves couldn''t do that.


    We were only able to shift with either our ws extended or fangs protruding. But she was able to


    shift with her hind legs, part Werewolf, and her forearm shifted.


    My Beta came in front of me. I didn''t stop to think where he had put the dead man. Or if he could be


    able to stop Sophia when she decided to fight us.


    My wolf was fighting to be out. I knew once I let him out, there would be no going back. It was


    suicidal. As much as shame coursed me at the realization that the woman I n to make my Luna


    would be stronger than me.


    "Get back. I can handle this," I told Nicks while I fought with my wolf. Like always, I won and


    pushed him to the back of my mind, creating a wall.


    Nicks obeyed. Sophia was back in my vision. But this time, she was Sophia. She wasn''t part


    lycanthrope. She was changed and her head was bent low, hands on her knees while she breathed


    out.


    "You hit me again. After you said you would never do that. Do you say things only to break them?"


    She asked with pain in her voice.


    I couldn''t see her eyes but her voice was so riddled with pain. And I was back where the anger no


    longer burned in me. I was back to where I wanted Sophia to make her right. I wasn''t that crazy


    man who couldn''t think with his anger. But how could I tell her that?


    "I''m sorry."


    "You''re not sorry. You treat your people like trash and I do not stand for that. I will fight you on this


    until you change. And will hit me again. I don''t think it''s ever going to change," she closed her eyes


    before I could see the pain in them.


    "I will," I said, not even believing in myself. "You were challenging an Alpha. There are more ways to


    get your information across without yelling."


    She raised her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed with something. Pain? Fear? Anger? Regret? I


    couldn''t tell.


    "Yelling? You call that yelling? How can I talk to you if you consider my words as cabbage?"


    "You know I didn''t say that. I would never consider your words trash. All I''m saying is never to raise


    your voice at me. I''m a vtile male," I said and took a step towards her.


    She chuckled without mirth, "There he goes again. You never admit your faults."


    And then for a moment, I thought she was right. I didn''t like to agree that I was wrong. I knew they


    were bad. But I wanted to always be in the right. To be considered as the wise one. A little part of


    me knew I was wrong for hitting her.


    But that part also wanted me to keep it to myself. Maybe it was ego or pride just like Ava called it.


    However, I couldn''t change myself even if I wanted to. I was an Alpha and admitting my fault was


    considered a weakness. And I hate weak people. I wanted to tell Sophia I never was at fault.


    But the words stopped when she bent over and emptied all the contents of her stomach on the floor


    before passing out next to it.