It’s mid afternoon when I’m woken up by Svena and Tatiana. They’re smiling and bombarding me with hugs. I wish they’d have just let me sleep. I’m exhausted and my body shot of any energy and motivation.


    “We’ve missed your!” Tatiana signs with unpracticed hands.


    “Missed you too.” I know they don’t know much signnguage so I try to keep our conversations short and basic.


    Usually when they get frustrated by not being able tomunicate with me they pull out their phones and we text in the same room. It’s one of the main things I miss, not having thatnguage barrier. With my father and friends and now Maxim I am outspoken because no one bothers to try and understand. They brush me aside.


    I miss being understood. I miss signing until my hearts content and having someone listen to me. I like being able to talk without a trantor or cell phone.


    “How are you?” Svena asks.


    “Good.”


    “Tell us everything.”


    “I doubt you’ll be able to understand anything I sign considering you guys have never cared to learn,” I sign spitefully.


    They look between each other confused.


    “You sign too fast,” Tatiana frowns. “We’ve been practicing can you tell?”


    Not enough to fully understand me. “Yes.”


    Already tired of signing, they pull out their cell phones and begin to text me.


    Svena: Was he horrible?


    Anastasia: Who?


    Tatiana: The Mafia leader who took you.


    I want to tell them everything just to get it all off my chest. I want to tell them of the magical night together and of our forbidden love. I want to tell them that I hate him for giving me back and I hate that he thinks he had no choice. Maybe there really wasn’t any choice. Still, they’d never understand. They treat me like a victim, a victim is exactly how I’m going to act.


    Anastasia: I’m so d to be home and far away from him.


    Tatiana: We are so sorry! We want to give you a happy day to take your mind off of things. Today is all about you.


    Svena: What should we do first?


    Tatiana: Let’s go to our favorite cafe and then we can do the movie. Your choice, An.


    Svena: Great idea!


    Before I can respond back they jump up and gather their coats and purses. It’s all about me yet it will somehow turn into all about them. They’ll talk about how worried sick they were over me. They’ll take me to ces they want. But the reason I’m going is not for them.


    No, I already have a n brewing.


    When we get downstairs to the foyer to leave, Maxim is in his coat waiting.N?velDrama.Org holds this content.


    “What is he doing here?” I furrow my eyebrows.


    The three collectively look at each other hoping at least one of them can trante.


    Maxim Syro’s forward and signs slowly, ” I will protect you with my life.” One of the three phrases he knows.


    Groaning I pull out my phone and type: I don’t want you with us.


    “It’s your father’s orders,” Tatiana frowns.


    “This is a girls day! Can’t you tell him we’re fine?”


    I watch as Svena and Tatiana try to reason with Maxim but he won’t budge. This has already put a major damper on my ns.


    We take the car out front, a ck SUV. Maxim opens the back seat for the three of us to pile in. He takes the passenger side next to our driver. Svena and Tatiana talk amongst themselves leaving me out of the conversation. It’s too much work to include me, as they’ve stated before. Sometimes typing takes too long, they argue to me. Signing is too hard to learn.


    I’m sorry my disability is hard on them.


    Staring out the window Boston has decorated for Christmas. Gand on themp posts, buildings decorated with lights. Christmas trees on various streets. It all reminds me of Angelo. I think it will always be like this, he has forever ruined Christmas for me as well as Boston. This city will always be the ce where I fell in love and found my equal. It will always be the ce that left me even more broken than I already was.


    Russia was the ce where my dreams were supposed toe true. After my injury, Boston was supposed to be a ce to start fresh. I didn’t figure out what I wanted until I met Angelo.


    I feel as though I don’t recognize myself anymore. If I’m not a ballerina than who am I? And if I’m not with Angelo than I don’t feel I have a ce in this world.


    As much as I keep trying to forget him, everywhere I look is a constant reminder. Even everyone I’m with is a constant reminder that no onepares to thepanionship I found with him. The mutual understanding and shared grief.


    The cares to halt. If they cared enough to remember, the cafe was always their ce. I’ve gone a handful of times, not a big fan of the atmosphere or the food. While I was in Russia they would tell me they’d go there everyday after ss and just talk. It would hurt being so far away from them and having to hear of them spending time together.


    Maxim stays by my side while my friends race ahead of me eager to order their favorite overpriced iced coffee in thirty degree weather. My soon-to-be husband ces his hand on my back and like a reflex I push him away.


    “Don’t touch me! I don’t care that we’re going to be married! I don’t want you touching me.”


    Maxim looks more embarrassed than regretful of his actions. Not caring that this is the second time I’ve pushed him away for touching me, he puts his hand on my arm and pulls me toward the entrance of the cafe.


    Tatiana and Svena are already in line. I join them and look over the menu as they begin to order. The employe smiles at me waiting for my order. I sign that I want a hot chocte.


    The employee frowns stammering out an apology. I can’t read lips, but I’ve be ustomed to the movement of the words ‘I’m sorry.’


    “Hot chocte,” I sign to my friends.


    They order for me and Maxim cuts into pay for us. My friends look happy but I roll my eyes. I didn’t need him to pay for anything, just like I don’t need him to be our chaperone.


    I know Svena and Tatiana would be over the moon to be engaged to someone like Maxim, he’s cute, older, has lots of money and is high in rank. They’d tell me I’m acting ridiculous for pushing him away. They’ve always been more excited for marriage and children than I was. Their fathers are my fathers avtoritet-captains. They’re higher ranked but it’s unlikely their daughters would be married off to someone higher in status. Still they have dreamed of marrying a leader. I bet they wished I had two brothers-one for each other them. I was never focused on marriage or children. From a young age I always knew my father would find someone for me, that I’d have no choice or say. So I always dreaded it. I threw myself into what I wanted most, ballet. I worked hard to convince my father I could make it big. I applied to all the big name balletpanies and father was so proud that Russia choice me.


    Now it’s all ruined. My career is done and my father has officially chosen my suitor. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to bear his touch or say my vows when the timees.


    When we get our drinks I notice they’re all iced coffee. I frown. “I ordered hot chocte.”


    “It’s good!” Tatiana responds as though she doesn’t understand.


    I sigh pushing my drink away from me. I’m cold enough as it is. I thought maybe some got chocte would put me in a better mood but now I find myself in an even worse mood. I want to leave. I want to turn to Maxim and tell him to take me home, but I can’t get. I just have to hold out until we get to the movies.


    Like always when we hang out, the two of them talk andugh without consideration for me. Maxim and I sit together, silently. I can feel his gaze asional on me. I avoid him counting down the minutes until Tatiana and Svena finish their coffees.


    Unlike the coffee shop, on the way to the movie theater they seem to be dreading our arrival. They hate the movie theater I love so much because they hate reading subtitles and can’t stand the movie characters talking in a foreignnguage. What they don’t realize is they way they speak is a foreignnguage to me and what bothers me most is life doesn’t have subtitles and I have to suck it up. That’s exactly what they should do, suck it up.


    I pick To Kill a Mockingbird the ssic from 1962 featuring the gorgeous Gregory Peck. It’s always been a favorite of mine. Tatiana and Svena try not to grimace as they look at their tickets. They’ve never been a fan of ck and white either.


    We take our seats in the near empty theater, Maxim, me, Tatiana, and Svena in that order. I’m hyper aware that this is the same movie theater that Angelo and I watched Gone With the Wind. I try to ignore the pang of longing in my heart.


    After Ms. Dubose says to Scout “Don’t you say hi to me you ugly girl,” I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Maxim looks to my friends for a trantion luckily for me they know the sign for ‘bathroom.’


    I’m nearly in the clear, I walk down the long hallway and into the lobby, I can see the exit. I’m free.


    I’m free.


    I’m free.


    I’m-


    Arms wrap around me and I try to elbow the man in his nose. I struggle for a while until he turns me around. Maxim. Of course. He looks furious. He tries to reprimand me as if I can hear him. I stand there, arms crossed, huffing and rolling my eyes. So close.


    As he continues to talk he points to my jacket. I hadn’t taken it off even though the heat is on and it was sweltering in the theater. I must’ve gave myself away.


    He drags me back into the movie. I’d rather go back home.