Liliana


    New York has an eerie feel.


    It doesn’t feel like it did since before I left. It feels cold and unfamiliar. No longer is this ce home for me and I’m desperately craving to go back to the Windy City I havee to truly love.


    Luca sent a car to pick us up at the airport and take us to his penthouse. He offered us a room in his home and his reasoning again has to do with Arabe. He said while he and Antonio do business that Arabe and I can spend time with each other-it’s convenient. It’s the best way for Antonio and Luca to keep tabs on us and know where we are at all times.


    This is the first time seeing my brothers penthouse he bought as soon as his marriage was officially. No more living under Father’s roof. The ce, I have to admit, is beautiful. Luca obviously had paid someone to style it. It was modern ented with dark shades. In the living room is arge window with a beautiful view of the city, a view people would pay millions to see every day when they wake up.


    Luca greets us by the elevator and puts on his fake political smile. “Sister,” he pulls me in for an awkward hug. I hope he can’t feel my protruding stomach. “Wee. You’re looking well.” His eyes hover over to Antonio. His smile turns snide and as he raises his chin at my husband, I can tell he’s sizing him up-some type of alpha-dog im. Antonio’s lips curl into a vicious smile knowing he is the true alpha, he’s a few inches taller than my brother and also wider in the chest and biceps area.


    “Antonio,” he bows his head in wee. “I trust the flight went well.”


    “It did. After we get settled when do you n on-”


    Antonio is cut off by the sound of soft footsteps descending from the metal spiral staircase. Arabe enters and it isn’t until she gets closer to us I notice her makeup isn’t covering up her bruises very well.


    Arabe opens her mouth to say something but tears well in her eyes and she clings her arms around me and holds me tight. I hear her sniffle as she digs her nose in the crook of my neck, burying her face. Her shoulders move up and down and it isn’t hard to tell that she’s crying.


    “Women,” Luca rolls his eyes. “So emotional.”


    Antonio’s jaw ticks and I can tell he’s already frustrated by my brother.


    “Arabe, honey, show Liliana to her room while Antonio and I talk,” Luca dismisses us.


    Arabe grabs my hand and basically yanks me on the direction of the stairs. I nearly trip up a few of them by how fast she’s dragging me away from our husbands.


    When we are in the privacy of my guest room shepletely breaks down into sobs. “I’m so d you’re here. I-I-I need to get away. I thought I could do it. I can’t do it,” she shakes her head so fast that the bun on top of her head now falls loose.


    “What did he do to you?” I frown and gently grab her chin. I analyze her face to see the damage my crude brother did.


    “Every night, every night he tries to get me pregnant. He-he wants an heir so bad and I took a pregnancy testst night and it was negative. He beats me, Lily. He says it was my punishment for not giving him what he wants.” Arabe’s entire body is shaking in fear. I watch as her hands tremble and she closes in on herself wrapping her arms around her body. “I’m so scared. Every night is so horrible. Sleeping next to that-that monster!” She spits.


    “Arabe,” I pull her into a hug allowing her to once again cry in my shoulder. “I’ll talk to Antonio and see if there’s anything we can do. I can’t just whisk you away, it’ll start a war between New York and the Outfit.”


    “You don’t understand,” she pulls out of the hug. “I went to the doctor, a specialist, to see if something is wrong with me. I couldn’t have children with Vinny and now Luca. She… she told me I’m infertile.”


    I go still at the words. I open my mouth and try to offer her words offort but I’m speechless.


    “He’ll kill me! If he finds out his wife is defected, he’ll kill me and find a new, younger wife to give him children.”


    It’s happened before in the Famiglia. Divorce isn’t a way out, like abortion our religion doesn’t allow it. So, many men end up killing their wives and making it look like idents just to rid themselves of whatever problems their marriages were having. A situation that Arabe is in, I wouldn’t be surprised if Luca killed her when or if he finds out.


    “I won’t say anything,” I grab her hands and squeeze.


    “Thank you,” she nods her head in appreciation. “I’m sorry,” she wipes her nose with a tissue she takes out of her pocket. “I’m being selfish. How are you? How are things with Antonio?”


    “Nothingpared to what you’re going through,” I frown. “I can’tin about what’s going on when you seem to have the worst end. I wish there was something I could do.” I feel so helpless.


    Arabe shakes her head. “No. No let’s talk about you. I want to get my mind off of things and besides as long as you’re here Luca will be on his best behavior so at least things won’t be so horrible for the next few days.”


    I feel selfish myself for wanting to tell Arabe about the pregnancy after learning of her infertility. I bit my lip unsure if I should tell her or not. The Arabe I used to know would hit me in the arm for keeping a secret like this away from her. This sad, pessimistic Arabe seems like she would break down at the news of my pregnancy.


    “What?” Arabe furrows her brows. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”


    “Everything is fine it’s just… I’m pregnant.”


    Her eyes widen and tears fill them. I instantly regret my decision to tell her until she ps her hands together and cheers. “Yes! Oh my goodness! I’m going to be an aunt!”


    I p my hand over her mouth. “Shh. No one can know, not even Luca.”


    “Why not?”


    “The reason I’m pregnant is because Antonio thought I was on the pill because my dad told him I was.”


    “Why would he do that?”


    “That’s what we’re trying to figure out too. Did you know Antonio never wanted children?”


    Arabe snorts. “Of course. Tony is against anything that makes him vulnerable, you know that. It’s the exact reason he was so cold to you in the beginning of your marriage. He didn’t want to love or get close to anyone. You know the Bratva has been looking for a way to get to him for years. A child would be the perfect way.”


    “I could see the Bratva sabotaging our methods to prevent pregnancy, but why would my father?”


    She shrugs her shoulders and sits at the edge of the bed where I join her. “I have no idea. Maybe your dad told him and then forgot to give you the pack of birth control. Maybe he wants grandchildren so bad and he knew Antonio didn’t want any. It could be for a number of reasons.”


    “I can guarantee you it’s for a selfish reason. What could he gain in me being pregnant?” I ask more or less to myself.


    The door barges open startling both Arabe and I to our feet. Luca is standing in the doorway with his arm extended inside the room. “Here is where you and my sister will be staying. Be,e here and let these two get situated.” He crooks his finger to her and she obeys flocking to his side a butler sets our bags in the room and Antonio enters looking around with his hands in his suit pockets.


    When they all leave Antonio inhales and exhales deeply. “Already I want to leave,” he rubs his forehead. “I can’t stand that prick.”


    “Arabe can’t either. Antonio?” I nervously y with my fingers.


    “Hmm?” He begins unpacking.


    “I think Luca is going to kill Arabe.”


    Antonio stops what he is doing to look at me with skeptical eyes. “Why do you think that?”


    “Arabe promised me not to tell anyone.”


    “What did she do?” He sighs.


    “I can’t say.”


    “Well, Luca killing my cousin is just asking for a war between the Outfit and New York.”


    “Not if he makes it look like an ident.”


    Antonio walks toward me and grabs both of my hands in his. He looks me in the eyes and with a soft tone he asks, “What is going on? I won’t do anything that’ll put Arabe in danger.”


    “She’s infertile and Luca wants a child. He wants a child so bad that when she took a pregnancy testst night and it was negative, he beat her. Didn’t you see the scabbed cuts and bruises?”


    “This is the life of the mafia. We cannot interfere in their marriage. It is none of our business.”


    I yank my hands out of his and turn away from him, giving him a cold shoulder. I hear him give a heavy sigh and then feel his breath on the back of my neck. He slips his hands around my body so both of his hands are resting on my stomach.


    “You aren’t excited for the baby,” I let a tear fall.


    “You don’t seem too excited either,” he ces a kiss where my neck and shoulder meet. “Why didn’t you want to know the gender? It has more to do with than what you said.”


    “I’m worried about the safety of our child. You and I both know that being the child of the Capo is dangerous. Father’s enemies were always looking for ways to make him desperate. They stopped trying when they realized my father doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”


    Antonio scoops me into his arms andys me down on the bed. Wey on our sides as he presses my back against the front of him. He holds me close and whispers in my ear, “Tell me more.”


    “The first time it happened I was five, Angelo was nine and Luca, eleven. We were at a party for consigliere’s son who had just got engaged. I was glued to my mother’s side but Angelo pulled me away to show me something outside. That’s where we were taken. Someone from the Bratva was watching the house and when they saw us, they took us, threw us in the back of the van and took us to a warehouse. They tied us up and took something from each of us to send to our father. They wanted money and power over something I can hardly remember now.


    “I was a pretty little girl, prided on my long golden locks. They shaved my head clean and sent every strand to my father. Angelo was beaten badly and I watched. They cut off his pinky toe and sent it along with my hair. It seemed like forever we waited for my dad to pay the ransom or save us. I even remember hearing from the ones that kidnapped us that Marco doesn’t care about the brats, not when he can have more children. They’re disposable. After four days in the warehouse we were home again. That’s when Luca started bullying us. He called us weak at every turn, truth was we were scared out of our mind. Luca thought of himself as tough and Angelo used to then too, neither of them were Made Men so they just acted tough to please Father. Angelo wasn’t the same, I knew then he wanted out of this life. He was scared. Scared of dying, scared of being tortured and scared of doing the same to other people.


    “The next time all three of us were kidnapped. I was fourteen so Angelo was eighteen and Luca was twenty. They were already Made Men so they were skilled at these type of things-torture, killing. I remember how confident they both were, how unafraid they were of what was toe. They knew they were either going to die or they were going to kill those who took us. They both took a beating and I watched in horror silently crying. I became unnoticeable as they tried to get information out of either them trying to learn the Famiglia’s secrets. When they noticed me that’s when things went wrong? The Bratva men took off my clothes so I was in my bra and underwear. They didn’t… you know, but I knew they wanted to. They touched me briefly before Angelopletely lost it. Luca didn’t care what happened to me. He worried about getting himself free first.


    “I don’t remember much, but I knew my whole life we were in danger. At least three times in my childhood I woke up to strange men in my room ready to take me but then my father would enter and kill them point nk in my room. I had to sleep in one of guest rooms until one of Dad’s cleaning guys took care of the blood and the body.”


    “I’m sorry,” Antonio whispers into my ear. His hands on my stomach flex and he pulls me tighter against him as if he’s afraid to let me go.


    “I’m terrified for our son to get tortured if he’s kidnapped and I’m terrified for our daughter to get raped if she’s taken. I want them to be safe but I’m so scared that one day security is going to slip. One day they’re going to be young and foolish wandering outside and they’ll be taken from us.” I turn to face him, tears streaming down my face.


    He wipes my eyes with the pads of his thumbs and cradles my head against his chest as I cry. Inhaling his scent calms me in the best way possible. He smells like home and protection and I know that no matter what, as long as I’m here with him, I’ll always be okay.


    “I was two the first time they took me. I don’t remember it, but that’s what my mother told me. I was six the next time. Ro was so young and I had to protect him. They were in his room, I could hear him wailing. My father wasn’t home and Mother was downstairs, she was hard of hearing so she must not have heard themotion. I grabbed my dad’s gun from his bedside drawer and ran into Ro’s room. I yelled and pointed my gun and theyughed. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t shoot them and they knew it. They grabbed Ro’s pillow and lit it on fire and threw it at me. It burned my arm and my hands as I picked it up and threw it back at them. I pushed Ro into his closet and I fought them off.


    “They won. I was taken for three days before my father came into the ce I was taken and killed them all. Later my father taught me a lesson in shooting and beat me, telling me that if family was in danger you shoot-no hesitation. Hesitation makes you a coward and Moretti’s aren’t cowards. I was eleven when they came for me again and I didn’t let them take me. I shot them in my bedroom. The next three attempts ended in the kidnappers deaths too, all at my hand. The two after that were Ro’s kills.”


    The story wasn’t at allforting. Men stealing children just to get what they wanted from their enemies. Antonio had to learn to kill at a young age just to protect myself. I feel sick at the thought of my son killing an intruder at a young age.


    “I didn’t want to hear that we’re having a daughter. I’m scared she’ll be trapped in a loveless marriage, I’m scared she’ll be abused like Arabe and I’m scared the kidnappers will take her in the worst way possible. I’m scared, Antonio. I’m so scared.”


    “I know,” he shushes and rocks me in his arms. “I’m just as scared as you are,” he admits.


    “You are?”


    “Why do you think I don’t want kids? Because I’ll love them too much. I’ll drive myself crazy with thoughts of something happening to them, thoughts of them bing a cold shell that Made Men are.”Content from N?velDr(a)ma.Org.


    “If you had an option to leave the Famiglia, would you?”


    “No. This life is all I know. I’m an honorable, feared, ruthless man. I like who I am.”


    “But you don’t want a son to be like you?”


    “My life was never an easy life. I still remember moments in my childhood that I wanted to have a dad to take me fishing or teach me football. One who would talk to me and give me hugs or a pat on the back. I never felt loved by my father and I guess I don’t want my son to feel that way. I’m Capo and I’m dedicated to this life no matter what. The killing high I get, the money, the power… I’d be lying if I said I hated it all. That’s why I never wanted children because this lifestyle doesn’t call for having children. Raising one in this world…”


    “But now one is on the way.”


    “I know,” he says softly.


    ***


    Antonio and Luca left early in the morning to do business. What kind of business I don’t know, my husband is keeps business away from me telling me not to worry.


    Arabe seems off this morning as she mindlessly bites into a piece of toast. She could barely swallow a bite without looking like she is going puke. You’d almost think she’s pregnant, but I think she’s just repulsed.


    “What happened?” I ask softly.


    “What happens every night. Only this time I couldn’t scream or cry for risk that it would wake the two of you up.” She stares at her te.


    Saying I wish there was something I could do, again seems pointless. There is nothing I can do but be here for her and listen to her sorrow.


    “I’m actually d I’m not bringing a child into this world. Luca would be a terrible father and I don’t want my babies going through what that monster puts me through. Honestly, Lily, you can talk about your pregnancy to me. I’m over the moon excited to be an aunt. I’ll buy the little one so much. They’ll be spoiled with toys and love!”


    I smile as the old Arabe shines through with a genuinelyrge smile stered on her face and hope in her eyes.


    “You’re definitely going to be the Godmother! Ro will probably be the Godfather even though I’d personally like Angelo.”


    “Angelo can have baby number two.”


    I nearly spit out the orange juice I took a sip of. I shake my head. “No baby number two. After this one is born, I’m going on birth control for the rest of my life.”


    Arabe rolls her eyes. “Speaking as an only child, it sucks. Little baby Moretti is going to want a sibling.”


    “Not gonna happen,” I reply sing-song.


    “How is your other brother?”


    “Slowly healing.”


    She cocks her head. “Healing from what?”


    “From the attack. The Bratva took him weeks ago and tortured him. He was in real rough shape.”


    Arabe looks speechless with her mouth wide open. “I had no idea!”


    “Luca didn’t tell you?” I furrow my eyebrows.


    “Luca doesn’t tell me anything. If it’s not about sex, he doesn’t care.”


    I cringe, at least Antonio isn’t like that. Although I feared our rtionship would only serve as a means to scratch an itch, it’s be more than that. He didn’t want to get too close but he seems to open up more and more each day whether he knows it or not.


    “I wish we could have a spa day or go shopping. Luca doesn’t let me leave unless I’m with him.”


    “What about with a bodyguard?” I raise an eyebrow.


    “Benedetto stays here and watches me when Luca is gone, but there’s also surveince cameras so he can watch me at any time from his phone orptop. He doesn’t trust me outside without him out of fear that I might say to someone I’m kidnapped or being abused or something that will stir up trouble.”


    “This ce is like a prison,” I curl my lip in disgust. “I can’t imagine… I’m so sorry.”


    “It’s not your fault your brother is so horrible. No more apologies or pity. I’m just saying it like it is.” She stands and throws her half eaten piece of toast in the garbage and ces her te in the sink. “I’m so bored her that I saw Hulu has your show, M*A*S*H so I started watching season one.”


    My eye light up. “Oh yeah? Who is your favorite?”


    “Well, I like Hawkeye, but Trapper is also a cutie.”


    Iugh. “Wait until B. J.es in. Season four. You’ll love him.”


    Arabe smiles but it quickly waivers. “I wish we weren’t so far apart. I could almost manage the horrible night’s with Luca if I got to spend my days with you.”


    “I wish you were back in Chicago. Things aren’t the same without you there to harass me. Carmelo misses you too.”


    Arabe smirks. “Of course he does.”


    The elevator door dings and normally I wouldn’t pay any attention for it had it not been for the fact that Benedetto springs out of his chair, grabs his pistol and aims it at the elevator. Arabe and I get down and hope the best.


    “Luca didn’t tell me you wereing,” Benedetto sighs in relief.


    “My son is forgetful,” the carefree voice is that of my father’s. My body stills and I’m frozen on the ground. I look up to see my father ncing over the couch at us. “You can get off the floor you know. It’s just dear old Dad. Do I get a hug?” He opens his arms wide.


    Not wanting to seem suspicious, I stand and give him a quick hug and a kiss on each cheek. “What are you doing here?”


    “Since you’re in town Luca invited me over for family dinner. Too bad your brother and mother couldn’t make it, but no matter,” he shrugs like he really doesn’t care that either of them are absent.


    “They’re attending business at the office right now. I think you’re a little early for dinner,” Arabe states.


    “Not to mention we just had breakfast,” I chime in.


    “Can you me me for being so anxious about wanting to see my daughter for the first time in months?”


    You never seemed that anxious to see me before.


    “You’re glowing, daughter. The married life is good to you. Your husband must be treating you well, you’re no longer skin and bones.”


    My father struts into the kitchen and I give Arabe a confused look as I whisper. “Does he know?”


    Arabe looks me up and down. “I don’t know. I couldn’t tell just by looking at you.”


    Winter is ending and spring would be beginning soon which is unfortunate for me because theserge bulky sweatshirts I’ve been wearingtely have been good cover up for the tiny bump I’m sporting.


    While Arabe talks to my father, I use this opportunity to sneak a text to Antonio about him being here. Within seconds I get a response saying they’ll be home as soon as possible and to call if anything happens.


    My father begins to pull various ingredients out of the fridge, pantry and cupboards. “What are you doing?”


    “I’m going to cooksagna for everyone tonight. My treat. To my two children and their new marriages. We will have to toast to that,” my father smiles viciously. “Arabe, you have wine, right? We will definitely need the finest to drink to tonight.”


    Arabe look to me with a speechless expression before nodding her head and nervously replying. “Yes, yes we have some wine we could toast to.”


    Crap. If I don’t have wine, he’ll certainly know what’s going on.


    “I better get started on the sauce,” my father murmurs more to himself than to Arabe and I.


    For hours my father kept us in the kitchen doing things like chopping up onion, garlic, tomato, mozzare and helping him make the pasta for thesagna by the scratch. I thank God that my morning sickness has subsided or else I would’ve spewed my guts at all this food and given myself away-especially since Lasagna is one of my favorite dishes.


    My father only made Lasagna a few times in his life. He never wanted to bother cooking especially not when, as he says, he has a wife and a paid cook to do it for him. My father knows how to cook, he’s definitely not ignorant to that fact. The few times he’s made us dishes were special asions and also when he wanted to talk to us or keep an eye on us. When he cooked, he would ask us to do tedious kitchen chores or helping him with the noodle or chopping things just so he could make conversation and possibly get something out of us.


    “Arabe, how do you like New York so far?” My father asks.


    “It’s beautiful, our view is especially beautiful. I enjoy this city a lot. The city traffic reminds me of Chicago, although it seems a bit more intense here. I’m a little homesick though.”


    “Luca says you seem to be adjusting well. I’m certain you’ll forget about Chicago in no time, especially when you start raising a family.”


    Arabe locks in ce and drops the knife on the ground nearly cutting herself. My father scatters her out of the way and picks up the knife. “You have to be more careful when handling sharp objects, sweetie.”


    The false kindness in his voice and the use of sweetie makes me swallow bile creeping up my throat. Something is definitely up with him and I don’t trust him for a single moment.


    “Liliana, how are you adjusting to Chicago?” My father asks me while his eyes are upied on kneading the soon to be pasta in front of him.


    “I love it. Love everything about the city.”


    “Hmm. I remember you hated going to Chicago when you were younger.”


    “Well, Chicago is where my family is now.”


    He looks up to give me a death re. It’s the angriest I’ve seen him all day. “And what is that supposed to mean? Now that you’re married the Moretti’s are suddenly your family and your real family in New York is now what? Nothing?”


    “Never mind. I meant nothing by it, Father. I just meant I have my house and belongings there, my husband as well Angelo there.”


    “Angelo. The second weakest link of my family next to you. Out of all three of my children you two seem to disappoint the most. Of course, you’re a woman and you can’t help but be naturally disappointing. Your brother has always had a soft spot for you and that makes him weak. You see, Liliana, I paid very good money and spent a lot of my time to make your brothers tough. Do you remember when you were fourteen and some strange men took you and your brothers. They were about to rape you, weren’t they? Your idiot brother, Angelo risked his own life to save you just so you wouldn’t… what? Take a cock like a woman is supposed to? Luca tried to save his own skin and that’s what made me proud. You were always Angelo’s weakest link and that is why he is a disappointment.”


    My mouth goes dry. “You wanted them to rape me?”


    My father shrugs. “I wanted to teach my sons to not care about anything. You only care about yourself and the Famiglia. Wives are for fucking and giving children and children are a means of business and keeping the family name. You do not care for them because it makes you weak and it puts the Famiglia in danger. You care about someone and your enemies get a hand on them you’ll likely to do anything to get them back to you safe. It’s weakness, Liliana.”


    Just as I was about to break down, Luca and Antonio enter. Antonio seems in more of a rush to be by myself as Luca casually strolls in and inhales deeply.


    “Smells delicious,” Luca wraps his arm around Arabe and kisses her on the lips. It wasn’t hard to see the disgust on her face as she scrunches her face and closes her eyes tight.


    “I-I don’t want to be around him,” I whisper to Antonio.


    “What happened?” Anger sys across his face. “What the fuck did he do?” He whispers harshly.


    “He’s even worse than I remember,” I shake my head and try to fight off the burning, stinging sensation in my eyes. I refuse to cry in front of him.


    “If you’ll excuse us, my wife and I would like some time alone.”


    My father smirks. “By all means. We understand when an itch needs to be scratched,” he winks.


    Antonio grabs my wrist and pulls me along. When we’re behind our closed door he runs his hands through his thick hair. “What the fuck is he doing here? Dinner? Why didn’t Luca say anything?”


    I start to cry. “Oh Tony, he said the worst thing. I-I-”


    Antonio hugs me and rocks me back and forth. “Tell me.”


    “He paid for people to kidnap us. He-he wanted those men to rape me that day. He beat Angelo afterwards for saving me first. It was a lesson in not caring for other people, to care only for yourself.”


    “What the fuck?!” Antonio pulls back furiously. Anger burns with intensity in his eyes and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that murder is now on his mind. “I’m going to kill him!”


    “You can’t,” I shake my hand and ce my palms against his chest. “It’ll start a war. We need to think and not act rationally.”


    “Why the hell would he even tell you something like that?”


    “I made him angry. I sort of said something like Chicago is where my family is which was kind of me saying that he isn’t my family. I said you and Angelo were there and that’s when he got mad. He started yelling about how my rtionship with Angelo is what makes us disappointments. He’d rather we be like Luca with cold unfeeling hearts.”


    Antonio’s fingers clench into a fist so tight that his knuckles turn white. His face has a hue of red that tells me he is livid. His breathing is erratic as his chest rises and falls at a fast pace. “One of these days in going to find a way to kill that bastard and make it look like a happy ident.”


    “Antonio?” I ask and he answers with a hum. “Do you still think getting close to people is a weakness? That loving people is a weakness?”


    “Yes,” he answers simply.


    “And am I one of your weakness’?”


    “Yes,” he says breathless. “I never wanted you to be. I wanted to keep my distance but you made it so hard with wanting to be friends. You made it so damn hard when you did the littlest things and you made me fall in love with the vani scent of your body wash, the way you y with your fingers when your nervous, the blush you get on your chest when your nervous or excited. Or the way you’re so passionate to be someone, or the way you smile at the television and love TV show characters as if they’re your best friends you’ve known since childhood. I fell in love with the simplest things I never thought I could ever appreciate in a person and I hate it.” I frown. “I hate that I love you, Lily.”


    I press my lips against his withplete and utter abandon. The feel is soft pink lips against mine feels like home and in this unfamiliar ce in the city I used to love and call my own. Antonio makes everything whole again with every day, every step of marriage we experienced hardships but he was right. He was right in the way that I too never thought I could fall in love with the littlest things of a person.


    Watching and cohabitating with Antonio made me notice how every morning he always has a ss of apple juice, he has this one hair that sticks up straight in the morning and he ttens it down in the bathroom first thing when he gets up. The way he rolls up the sleeves on his button-ups, the way his go-to color for everything is blue. Or the way he has a routine that he refuses to break by pacing at night, sitting in his chair and sipping his favorite drink.


    Everything about Antonio from the way he smells like spice and mint to the way he doesn’t like a single wrinkle in his clothes or else he’ll change, I’ll love every piece of him.


    Getting to know him was like solving a puzzle. With each conversation I got a new piece until the picture became whole and I saw the real him. The real him who is not Capo, not a murderer, not an uncaring person but a regr person who doesn’t want a weakness. Not because he’s afraid it’llpromise his power or the Famiglia, but because he’s genuinely afraid to lose someone he loves-like his mother.


    “I will always protect you, Tesoro.”


    My darling.


    “I believe you.”


    And I do. I wholeheartedly with every fiber of my being trust that Antonio will do whatever it takes to keep me and this baby safe.


    “Now, I think we have a dinner to attend that we’re just going to have to grin and bear. We have the upper hand in this situation, remember? Once I find out what his n is, once I can prove he’s a traitor, he’ll be gone. He won’t ever hurt you again,” Antonio grabs my hand and locks his fingers with mine.


    “Remind me again, how long do we have to stay here?”


    “Just until business is done. Then we can leave right after. I thought you were enjoying your time with Arabe?”


    “I am but it’s so painful to see her like this. She desperately wants an escape and I don’t me her. Luca is sociopathic. There isn’t any way we can help her get away from him.”


    “I’m sorry, Lily, but this isn’t worth constituting a war over. Right now, I want you to worry about the little one growing inside of you. No more stress. Let me handle everything,” Antonio kisses my temple before heading out of the door and downstairs to dinner.