《Where Winter is Warm Where Summer is Cool (Season)》


 CH 1

    You smile slightly,


    A different smile from the one I know.


    And I think to myself, this is it ¡­


    This is the smile I¡¯ve waited so long to see.


    The plane taxied slowly down the runway. In the distance, the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower shone brightly as ever, waving me goodbye. Sighing, I leaned back in my seat, looking down at the ticket I still clutched in my hand.


    I had forgotten what my Chinese name looked like, I hadn¡¯t used it in so long. The letters of my name stared back at me -Jian Anjie. My parents had only prepared for the birth of a son, so when I came along, they decided to keep the name they¡¯d chosen for the boy they had been expecting.


    The plane finally began to lift off, and I closed my eyes, breathing in and out slowly. One ¡­ two ¡­ three, I began counting my breaths, trying to focus and calm myself as we gradually climbed skyward. Well, we all need to endure things ¡­ such as planes taking off ¡­ such as returning home.


    The plane levelled off and with that, I was able to calm myself. Keeping my eyes shut I listened to the sounds around me. The rumbling of the engine, the swish of passengers adjusting their seats, the crew bustling about getting ready to bring out refreshments ¡­ I let the sounds wash over me, calming me down further, carting me off to sleep.


    A voice calls out to me. I¡¯m in the study reading a book. Up until that moment I had been lost in the story.


    Shen Qingyu opens the door. She startles slightly, her hand still holding on to the doorknob.


    ¡°Oh! I didn¡¯t know you were home, Anjie,¡± she says.


    I nod. ¡°Yea.¡±


    ¡°Have you been in here this whole time?¡± she asks. ¡°Did you have lunch?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve had something to eat.¡±


    I look down at my book, hoping she takes the hint and leaves.


    She doesn¡¯t, and I consider going back to my room as she walks towards the bookcase. Opening a drawer, she rifles through it producing a document. I sigh inwardly.


    ¡°Auntie will be going out in a bit, and your father might not be home in time for dinner,¡± she says.


    She glances at me, then down at my book. ¡°You should go study. And don¡¯t forget to eat properly.¡±


    I nod and breathe a sigh of relief as she turns around and heads back out the door.


    I hear a muffled exclaim.


    ¡°Xichen! You¡¯re home as well ¡­ Did you not have plans¡ª¡±


    Their voices are muffled but audible, jarring my focus from the story. I close the book with another sigh. I seem to be doing a lot of those lately. Shutting my eyes, I lean back letting my body relax into the contours of the chair.


    I wonder what Ye Lin¡¯s up to at the moment. He¡¯d said his friend asked him to a match today. He¡¯s busy every weekend, too busy even to meet.¡±


    I suddenly jolt awake and find Shen Qingyu standing before me.


    ¡°Sorry to wake you,¡± she says, not looking particularly sorry to me. ¡°Auntie wanted to ask you if you¡¯ve moved a paper that looks like this one?¡±


    She holds up the one she¡¯d taken from the drawer earlier. ¡°It¡¯s like this one, but it was tucked into a yellow folder. They were both in the drawer.¡±


    I wipe the blurriness from my eyes, shaking my head. ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s weird,¡± she says, staring down at me, ¡°because I definitely remember putting it in there, yesterday.¡±


    Ignoring her, I lean over to pick up my book that had at some point slid onto the floor. Why hadn¡¯t I just gone back to my room?


    ¡°Anjie,¡± she says, ¡°think carefully. Maybe you moved it and forgot after?¡±


    I get up from the chair and inch past her shaking my head. ¡°No, I told you, I didn¡¯t touch any papers.¡±


    She shakes her head in exasperation.


    ¡°But this doesn¡¯t make any sense! You¡¯re the only person who¡¯s been in the study today!¡±


    Continuing to ignore her, I walk to the door and open it, heading back to my room.


    ¡°What the- hey!¡± she calls out. ¡°Auntie is in a real hurry! The least you can do is help me find it if you really don¡¯t know where it is!¡±


    She rushes after me and grabs my arm. I flinch, whipping my head round to her. ¡°Don¡¯t touch me.¡±


    ¡°Hey! I¡¯m talking to you!¡± she says angrily. ¡°Stop ignoring me! Where are your manners!?¡±


    I shake my arm, but she holds on tighter.


    ¡°Let go of me!¡± I yell.


    ¡°You¡¯re not hiding it on purpose to try and embarrass me, are you?¡± she says ignoring me.


    I could feel the panic start to swell in my chest. I look down at her hand grasped around my arm, and I feel the stirring of anger start to rise as well. I have never been comfortable with close physical contact, especially with people I dislike. Attempting to bite back my rage, I try shaking her off again.


    ¡°Hold it right there, you can¡¯t leave!¡±


    I bite my lip, glaring at her. Why does she insist on continuously bothering me, pretending to be nice? She¡¯s the reason my father abandoned my mother. She ruined my family.


    ¡°Let.Go.Of.Me.¡±


    I tap into my anger and push her back. Shocked, she stumbles, letting go of my hand.


    Ever since I was young, I¡¯ve always been terrified of sudden big movements around me. I turn to run. She tries grabbing me again, but I dodge and race down the hall. The stairs come into view and I turn into my hallway when I suddenly feel a hand grab my shirt from behind.


    My anger has been simmering inside my veins for a while. The seething rage burst forth, I let it all out. I turn around and shove her back with every bit of strength I have. The satisfaction of seeing her fall backwards is fleeting as I see where she¡¯s falling.


    ¡°Watch out!¡± My anger drains away in an instant and I reach out to try and catch her ¡­ but it¡¯s too late.


    Shen Qingyu crashes down the stairs, leaving my useless arm still floating in mid-air, my expression froze in horror.


    I start to tremble as I fall to my knees. I try to speak but my tongue feels thick in my mouth. My eyes gape at where Shen Qingyu had been moments before.


    I can hear hurried footsteps coming over. My eyes are glued to the end of the stairs even as tears incessantly stream down my cheeks.


    I blearily look at the figure before me, I cannot say who he is ¡­ but whoever you are, please could you help me? I didn¡¯t mean it, I didn¡¯t want to hurt her ¡­


    Pa!


    ¡°Miss, Miss?¡±


    Someone was whispering in my ear. I struggled to open my eyes and looked up into the troubled face of a flight attendant. She leaned forward and asked, ¡°Are you feeling unwell?¡± Her eyes were wearing a kind expression. ¡°You look quite pale. Can I get you anything?¡±


    I shook my head and tried to swallow, but I still managed a weak reply, ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    I slid my head back and groaned, rubbing at my temples. How many times have I been plagued by this nightmare? Ten ¡­ fifteen ¡­ or more?


    I looked down at my hands that were trembling and sweating profusely.


    Harm others, harm oneself. Was this referring to people like me?


    The truth was this was no nightmare. This was a real memory.


    I had caused the death of the child in her womb ¡­ someone I shared half my blood with. But I didn¡¯t escape punishment. Her most excellent and illustrious nephew had rewarded me with a slap right across my face ¨C hard and firm, even as I rambled in terror. I cupped my cheek with my palm again. I have never been able to forget the feel of that slap. It had stunned me into utter silence. Never ever had I been slapped before that point in my life.


    And right after, my own father deftly handed me a card and swiftly packed me off to France to further serve my sentence for six whole years.


    Six years ¡­ I was returning at long last.

 CH 2

    I took a deep breath as I took in the icy wintery scene on the other side of the taxi¡¯s window. I had reached my hometown. I didn¡¯t think I would ever set foot here again, but my mother¡¯s request made me come back. She wanted me to return to Jian¡¯s family once again.


    I opened the car door and looked up at the old villa before me, feeling dazed. When my father had first bought it, it had been for the stunning scenery, clear waters, crisp air, and the small grove of willow trees. It had exuded a vision of timeless beauty.  Until now, the stucco wall exterior had only been repaired once, and the roof was still made up of the same old-fashioned red tiles, thereby keeping an aura of simple and unadorned historical beauty.


    Spring flowers bloomed throughout the garden, their delicate blossoms tying up the bewitching scene into an almost uncontained magnificence. The house reminded me of an older woman who had retained an ageless beauty, leaving spectators mesmerized. However, gazing at it all, I realized that the scene before me which I had loved so much once before, only felt strange to me now.


    Pushing the iron gate open, I walked until I was under the house¡¯s eaves and reached for the doorbell. I did not have my own key. A moment passed before an old lady opened the door slightly and peered out, looking me up and down. She gave me a measured look.


    ¡°May I ask who you are looking for?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for¡­,¡± I paused. ¡°Mr. Jian.¡±


    ¡°Mister is not home,¡± the old lady said and moved to close the door when a low voice called from inside the house.


    ¡°Mother Lin, who is it?¡±


    My hands started to tremble, but I couldn¡¯t help but laugh.


    A slender figure came to the door, his expression wary but unsurprised.


    Picking up my luggage I walked right past him into the house.


    The old lady servant looked up at the man puzzled.


    ¡°Mr. Xi?¡± She asked.


    ¡°She¡¯s uncle Jian¡¯s daughter,¡± he responded.


    Daughter. I narrowed my eyes laughing inwardly.


    Feeling a light touch, I startled and looked down at Xi Xichen¡¯s hand as he reached over to take my luggage. I stared down at it, marveling at how fair it looked, fairer than the average man¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Your hand is very pretty,¡± I blurted out.


    Xi Xichen gave me a funny look and I turned my head quickly looking for an escape. Spying the stairs, I headed for them, remembering that my room had been on the second floor. However, upon opening the door, I saw that it wasn¡¯t as I had left it. Several toy cars and building blocks, amongst a myriad of other things, were scattered about on the floor, bed, and desk.


    ¡°Looks like Yulin is quite fond of your room.¡±


    I swiveled my head round to look at who had spoken behind me.


    ¡°Yulin?¡± I asked Xi Xichen who had followed me upstairs with my luggage.


    ¡°Your younger brother.¡±


    My chest suddenly felt very tight and it became hard to breathe.


    What possessed me to think I could spend Christmas together with my aunt?


    ¡°Do you want to sleep in the guest room?¡± he asked, his voice cold and measured.


    ¡°Guest room?¡± I smiled tightly, grabbed my luggage from his hand, and marched back downstairs.


    Xi Xichen quickly grabbed my hand from behind, stopping me in my tracks. A shiver snaked its way through my body from head to toe.


    ¡°Let go!¡± I said, twisting round.


    ¡°Where are you going?¡± he asked. ¡°Back to France?¡± His voice had a curious note of urgency.


    I slowly pulled my hand out of his. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯ll be returning back to France soon, but not now.¡±


    He looked at me silently with his cold unreadable gaze.


    I turned around to leave.


    ¡°I will come and see him tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Your father should be back soon,¡± he replied, his voice calm. ¡°You can wait here.¡±


    ¡°No need,¡± I answered.


    This conversation was making me keenly aware that although I had lived in this house for seventeen years, I was only a passerby now.


    ¡°Not to mention,¡± I continued, ¡°that it¡¯s already late, and I have to find a place to stay.¡±


    He hesitated, and I counted three seconds, before he finally said, ¡°If what you mean is that you only want to stay in your own room, then I can simply ask someone to tidy it up for you.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I snorted. ¡°Which part of my words has led you to think that? Put away your conceit.¡±


    He took a sudden step closer to me, causing me to subconsciously step back.


    ¡°You¡­are afraid of me.¡± He said it as if affirming it to himself.


    I glared at him.


    ¡°You are so funny, Mr. Xi,¡± I said, and I stormed to the front door.


    ¡°By the way, Xi Xichen,¡± I abruptly turned back round to face him from the entrance and smiled. ¡°Do you have to display such an arrogant attitude?¡±


    Before I could note his reaction, I turned back around and walked out.


    An unexpected flurry of snowflakes greeted me as I stepped back outside. I walked over to the bus stop I used to use in high school and waited for the first bus to come. I climbed on, not caring where it went. It rumbled forward with a peculiar noise as I walked down the aisle, noting the few passengers aboard.


    Picking a seat I looked out the window. It was nearing dusk, and the street lights on both sides of the road had started to light up, their warm glow penetrating into the bus. A solitary snowflake floated in through the open window and landed softly on my cold cheek.


    I have a younger brother that no one has ever thought to mention to me. Did they deem it unnecessary, or were they purposefully avoiding me like they would a snake?


    ¡°Miss, this is the last stop.¡±


    The driver¡¯s voice invaded my thoughts, pulling me back.


    Gathering my luggage, I slowly stepped off the bus and looked around at the desolate place before me. I didn¡¯t expect this city to still have grim-looking areas such as this. Making up my mind, I took out my phone and finally called Piao Zheng.


    The line rang once before an angry voice picked up.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you answer my call?¡±


    ¡°Piao Zheng, I¡¯m lost.¡±


    Soaking in a hot bath, I could feel my strained nerves start to loosen up and melt away. It was almost trance-inducing and it wasn¡¯t until I heard a knock on the door that I realized I had dozed off to sleep. Stepping out of the tub, I quickly toweled off then reached for my pajamas and walked out feeling cozy and clean.


    Piao Zheng stood waiting for me outside the door and said teasingly, ¡°I thought you were playing suicide in the bathroom.¡±


    ¡°You think too much,¡± I said smiling. ¡°I¡¯m tired, I need to sleep.¡±


    ¡°You knew you were tired and yet you still went to that terrible place?¡±


    I wasn¡¯t sure if the terrible place Piao Zheng meant was Jian¡¯s house or the bus¡¯ desolate last stop.


    When I took too long to answer, Piao Zheng sighed and said, ¡°I have changed all the sheets and duvet covers in the guest room for you. Is there really no way to cure mysophobia?¡±


    ¡°You just need to treat me like someone who loves to stay clean, okay?¡± I snipped.


    I walked away a few steps, then turned back around.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you have other questions to ask me?¡±


    Piao Zheng seemed to ponder this for a bit, before answering ¡°Don¡¯t forget to pay your lodging fee and food expenses when you check out.¡±


    I responded by turning around and leaving.


    The next morning, a sound coming from the other side of my door woke me up. It was small and intermittent, but even the sound of a book¡¯s pages being flipped through was enough to rouse me from sleep. Cracking open the bedroom door, I spied people in the living room and stood very still.


    A tall thin man with a handsome face stood a couple of feet away wearing a simple and casual, beige outfit. He looked at the picture of an elegant young master. His eyes flicked upwards, and upon seeing me, widened in surprise. His hands trembled, dropping all the papers he had been carrying to the floor.


    Ye Lin and I had known each other since our first year in middle school. We fell in love and were in a relationship for six years. Once upon a time, his presence could easily affect my mood, but he no longer had that ability.


    Recovering his composure, Ye Lin quickly replaced his shocked expression with one of his famous cynical smiles.


    ¡°When did you return?¡± He bent over to pick up the papers he¡¯d dropped on the floor.


    ¡°Yesterday.¡±


    ¡°We truly are no longer friends huh, since you won¡¯t even tell me when you come back.¡±


    ¡°We were never friends in the first place.¡±


    ¡°Is that so?¡± His tone was both languid and ironic.


    Piao Zheng sidled up to me.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you go sleep a bit more?¡±


    I sighed at Piao Zheng¡¯s unintentional innuendo. Ye Lin glanced back and forth between us, before settling his gaze back on me again.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t expect your relationship with Piao Zheng to already be this close. It seems that I am the ignorant and inexperienced one.¡±


    ¡°This has nothing to do with you,¡± I said flatly.


    My relationship with Piao Zheng was not something many people knew about. We were not deliberately keeping it secret, but we were also not going out of our way to set the record straight.


    Piao Zheng scratched his head. ¡°Ye Lin-¡±


    ¡°Piao Zheng, I¡¯m hungry. Do you have anything to eat?¡±


    Piao Zheng glanced at me.


    ¡°Yes, wait just a moment.


    He had understood my meaning, like he¡¯s always done, and dropped the subject without clarifying the matter. He turned and walked away towards the kitchen.


    ¡°What are you doing here?¡± Ye Lin said, glancing at Piao Zheng¡¯s retreating back.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a place to stay,¡± I answered.


    I walked to the table and poured myself a glass of water, taking a sip.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me that your Jian family is too big to have a vacant room for you to stay in,¡± he said.


    My hands trembled and the glass I still held almost dropped.


    ¡°If you¡¯re not really thirsty, don¡¯t drink too much water,¡± he said frowning at the glass I still held. His face then transformed into a sudden smile. ¡°After staying in France for six years, I finally get to see you back here again.¡±


    I raised the cup back to my lips, and sipped again, ignoring him.


    ¡°I always thought that you would stay there,¡± he continued. ¡°Why did you come back? Does the eldest daughter of Jian¡¯s family want to use her finished studies abroad to serve her motherland?¡± This last sentence was said in a dissatisfied tone at my continued refusal to answer.


    I sighed inwardly. If I didn¡¯t answer him, he would continue to badger me with questions.


    ¡°I still haven¡¯t graduated yet.¡± I finally answered, choosing the most non-essential subject to address.


    ¡°Do you still want to go back there?¡±


    ¡°En.¡±


    He studied me for a minute, then tossed the file in his hand onto the table.


    ¡°Tell Piao Zheng that I remembered something I had to do, so I left early.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±


    I didn¡¯t much care for his capricious attitude, but I also hadn¡¯t intended to send him off in a huff.


    ¡°Good?¡± He repeated after me. He stood silently for a moment, then walked towards the door. Upon reaching it, he suddenly looked back and said, ¡°Oh, by the way. When you are free, come and have a meal with us. Yali misses you very much.¡±


    He opened the door and shut it behind him as my glass slipped out of my hand and crashed to the floor.


    Piao Zheng came rushing to the kitchen doorway and stopped. He looked at me and the broken shards on the floor.


    ¡°I¡¯ve stayed in touch with him occasionally. Right now he wants to buy a house and has taken a fancy to the ones under our real estate company, so he¡¯s  been visiting more often.¡±


    I stayed silent, and Piao Zheng walked to the table with my breakfast, then reached back into the kitchen for a dustpan and broom. He came over and bent down, sweeping up the pieces.


    ¡°Sorry girl, I thought you would stay asleep till the afternoon.¡±


    I felt a little dazed, and after a moment said, ¡°I think I¡¯ll go wash up and then eat after that.¡±


    ¡°You know, Ye Lin is not actually as cynical as he showed,¡± Piao Zheng continued. ¡°He is nice to others.¡±


    I knew this to be true, but six years can dilute all, even feelings that I had thought would last forever. How he actually was had nothing to do with me. I smiled and said nothing.


    In September of my first year of middle school, my mother had sent me to register for my classes. Summer at that time was far less hot than it was now, and the wind sweeping through the treetops was cool and refreshing. Also, in my memory of that time period, my mother was very beautiful and gentle.


    I had stood in the long aisle outside the Academic Affairs Office waiting for her to come out. My grades were always a bit low due to recurring health issues, and I remember always attending fewer classes than others. I had occasionally missed some exams as well.


    The reason why I could register with this middle school was an ode to the power of money. I had at first felt ashamed to use money as a way to get into a good school, but my parents didn¡¯t care, so I gradually too became numb to it.


    ¡°It seems a female student has also bought her way in.¡±


    A voice laced with sarcasm had spoken into my ear.


    I had turned my head to see who it was, and was met with a pretty, eye-catching boy. He had soft hair, fair skin, shiny black eyes, and an overall nice face.


    ¡°I¡¯m talking to you. Don¡¯t you hear me? Speak!¡±


    Those nice eyes also had an impatient gleam to them.


    ¡°Are you deaf?¡±


    I had been trying to form a sentence in my mind to answer him, but his patience was particularly low. I couldn¡¯t help but grin.


    ¡°Why are you laughing?¡±


    ¡°You are so noisy.¡±


    I scolded him. He seemed to have a pleasant voice, but it took on a strange pitch the louder it got.


    He had looked at me incredulously.


    ¡°What did you say?¡±


    It was at this moment that my mother finally came out of the affairs office, and signaled to me,


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    I¡¯d waved goodbye to this strange boy and walked off to her.


    This was the first time I had met impatient and arrogant Ye Lin. For the next six years, he would harass and intrude his way aggressively into my life, keeping my thoughts solely revolved around him.


    I looked at my pale face in the bathroom mirror. If I could rewind time, would I still want those same six years?


    The answer was no.


    The bitter taste of loneliness after the sweetness of romantic accompaniment could corrode a person¡¯s insides more intensely than sulfuric acid. If I had known the ending that would come after those six years, I would not have entered the game to begin with. The torture of losing something dear was had been too much for me to bear.


    Fortunately, I now no longer miss what I had lost.


    ¡°Anjie, your phone keeps ringing.¡± Piao Zheng¡¯s voice floated in through the door. ¡°Do you want me to pass it in to you?¡±


    ¡°No need,¡± I called out. ¡°I¡¯m coming out now.¡±


    Shaking away all the memories that had surfaced in my mind, I opened the door and took the phone from Piao Zheng¡¯s outstretched hand. There were seven missed calls displayed on the screen, all from the same unsaved number.


    Just before I was about to call back, it rang in my palm. I pressed the answer key and brought it up to my ear.


    ¡°Jian Anjie.¡±


    As I suspected, it was Ye Lin.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you answer all my calls just now?¡± His tone sounded unhappy.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± I asked, not wanting to waste time. I had long ago made a promise to myself to keep the past in the past and move on. I didn¡¯t care about him in that way anymore and decided it was best to keep a neutral peace. There was no need for any more unnecessary involvement between us.


    ¡°I can¡¯t call you unless there is something important?¡±


    It seemed he still liked to be pretentious.


    ¡°Is it still inconvenient to talk?¡± His voice dropped to a softer tone. ¡°Is Piao Zheng next to you?¡± He asked in a probing tone.


    These questions were all very unnecessary. I took a deep calming breath.


    ¡°If there¡¯s nothing important, I¡¯ll hang up.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare try hanging up on me, Jian Anjie!¡± His voice rose to a loud octave, and I resisted the impulse to pull the phone back from my ear. ¡°If you dare hang up, you¡¯ll find me immediately at your door to smash your phone!¡±


    His voice had lost all manner of its previous teasing lilt. This sudden burst of excessive anger had actually startled me. Although I knew his soft tone at the start of the call was only a mask to hide his underlying dissatisfaction, I didn¡¯t expect it to reach such a high level of hysteria.


    ¡°Then what do you want to say?¡± I was in a hurry to end this call, and I was no longer taking it lightly.


    He suddenly seemed to realize his inappropriate outburst, and immediately calmed down.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he said, his voice returning to normal. ¡°I¡¯m still downstairs at Piao Zheng¡¯s house. Can you come down, I need to talk to you alone.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I said bluntly.


    I really didn¡¯t want to get involved with him at all, and I was also never good at coming up with excuses.


    ¡°Good, very good. Jian Anjie, you always have a way of making me feel guilty!¡±. Without waiting for my answer, he hung up the phone.


    The hand I was using to hold the phone suddenly cramped up as I lowered it from my ear. I stared down at the phone in my hand as I was flooded with the memory of the day we broke up, and the cold words he had said to me. The ice and snow of the coldest winter day in France could never measure up to those words. During that first year abroad, whenever I had thought of him, it had been accompanied by a sharp knife stab through the heart.


    ¡°France, United States, go wherever you want, as long as it¡¯s out of my sight and as far away as possible!¡±


    It was better for him if he upheld his words forever.

 CH 3

    At noon, my old classmate Mo Jiazhen called me. She was one of my rare friends with whom I had kept in touch.


    ¡°I have been struggling, wondering if I should tell you or not, but I¡¯ve finally decided to just come and plead guilty. I really tried to hold up against him. I really didn¡¯t want to give him your phone number, but you know how sinister and vicious Ye Lin can be. He even smiled very ¡®sweetly¡¯ and told me that if I didn¡¯t give him your number, he would crash my wedding and cause trouble¡­that¡¯s why Anjie. I¡¯m so sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. When I return to France, I won¡¯t be using this number anymore.¡±


    ¡°I knew you would be so understanding! And did you see the text message I sent you before? Let¡¯s have dinner together this evening, at seven o¡¯clock. It¡¯s Lin Xiaodi¡¯s treat.¡±


    Lin Xiaodi was my deskmate in high school. She later married someone from Taiwan. I had not attended her wedding due to being overseas, and I had always felt a little guilty about it. After all, Lin Xiaodi had always sincerely regarded me as her best friend, and such people were currently few and far between in my life.


    The last time I¡¯d met with Lin Xiaodi was two years ago, when Lin Xiaodi and Mo Jiazhen traveled to Europe. At that time I¡¯d acted as their tour guide and showed them around for several days.


    ¡°Why did she come here?¡±


    ¡°As soon as I told Xiaodi that you were back, she immediately decided to buy a ticket and fly over. She will probably arrive at about five o¡¯clock in the afternoon.¡±


    Jiazhen laughed


    ¡°If I didn¡¯t know that woman was married, I would have thought she was gay and had fallen for you.¡±


    ¡°What nonsense.¡±


    I thought for a moment, before finally answering.


    ¡°I will bring Piao Zheng with me tonight, okay. I seem to have a cold, so it¡¯s better if he accompanies me.¡±


    ¡°Piao Zheng? I know him. Wasn¡¯t Senior Piao the one who at the time would occasionally come looking for you and also asked you out? Don¡¯t tell me you guys now¡­¡±


    ¡°He is the son of my aunt¡¯s second husband,¡± I answered reluctantly. ¡°Although he is not related to me by blood, he is like my elder brother who I respect, so don¡¯t assume this again.¡±


    ¡°Your aunt? Is she the one who received us when we went to Finland that time?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    After the death of Piao Zheng¡¯s father, my aunt had been very sad and moved abroad. A year later, I arrived in France. It was very fortunate timing because I had been able to go see her every once in a while. Otherwise, I would not have been able to endure the sudden isolation.


    That evening, Piao Zheng and I walked into the VIP room of the restaurant we were meeting the girls at. Both Mo Jiazhen and Lin Xiaodi were already there and Jiazhen was shouting at the waiter to start serving the water.


    When Lin Xiaodi saw me, she ran over and hugged me emotionally. She had expressed a ferocious longing coupled with resentment towards me for a long time. This so-called resentment was the reason I had only informed Jiazhen of my return.


    ¡°I thought you were in Taiwan, so I considered it useless to tell you.¡±


    ¡°Why is it useless?¡± Lin Xiaodi asked, staring me down as I stood before her. Then she smiled.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s stop making trouble. Anjie, allow me to introduce my husband to you.¡±


    She turned around and beckoned to a man who had been sitting on the sofa.


    ¡°This is Qu Wei, my husband. Qu Wei, this is Jian Anjie, my best friend.¡±


    I introduced to them Piao Zheng, ¡°This is my brother, Piao Zheng.¡±


    Lin Xiaodi smiled.


    ¡°I¡¯ve heard about you from Jiazhen. Hello Senior Piao.¡±


    She looked back at Mo Jiazhen ordering food.


    ¡°You guys stay here and talk, I will help Mo Jiazhen order. That woman definitely ordered a lot of seafood again and I hate seafood the most!¡±


    She then aggressively walked away towards Mo Jiazhen.


    Qu Wei shook his head helplessly.


    ¡°Xiaodi is always so energetic,¡± I said sincerely.


    ¡°Ah, yes,¡± Qu Wei said, and then smiled. ¡°I¡¯ve heard a lot about you, Miss Jian. Xiaodi certainly mentions you often. I heard that you were recently studying in France?¡±


    I smiled and nodded.


    ¡°It must be heard to study abroad alone, am I right?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that bad.¡±


    I in fact didn¡¯t study much at all. The simple fact was that I was just doing it to survive.


    It was at this moment that an unexpected person came in. The door to the VIP room opened, and in walked Ye Lin, followed by Yang Yali close behind.


    The man was handsome and hearty, and the woman was beautiful, with a generously, feminine figure.


    Ye Lin looked surprised when he saw us.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, we seem to have gone to the wrong room. But what a coincidence, Lin Xiaodi, long time no see.¡±


    ¡°Ye Lin..¡± said Xiao Di, her surprise real.


    Ye Lin raised his eyebrows as he surveyed the people in the room.


    ¡°Is this a classmate reunion today? Why didn¡¯t you count me and Yali in?¡±


    Xiaodi said bluntly, ¡°You are all big people now, and I can only afford a cheap meal. If I were to invite you to this, I¡¯m afraid that I would lower your status.¡±


    Ye Lin¡¯s mouth curved into a little smile.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind lowering my status once in a while.¡±


    ¡°You!¡± Xiao Di said, her temper flaring.


    Ye Lin opened his mouth to retort back but was stopped by Yang Yali still standing behind him.


    ¡°Okay, stop quarreling with Xiaodi now.¡±


    She then turned to Lin Xiaodi.


    ¡°And you, stop mocking us. We all haven¡¯t met for years. Now that we¡¯re all here, let¡¯s take the opportunity to eat together. I¡¯ll be the host.¡±


    Xiaodi thought quietly for a bit, before finally answering.


    ¡°Okay. Waiter, add more dishes, and fill me up with the most expensive items on the menu.¡±


    Then she looked at Yang Yali.


    ¡°Miss Yang, you are a rich, second generation, so you don¡¯t mind if I order some expensive dishes right?¡±


    ¡°Do as you wish.¡± Yang Yali responded generously. Her eyes cut a quick glance towards me after that, and I wasn¡¯t sure if it was intentional or not.


    She really didn¡¯t really have to keep her guard up around me. The people she really cared about were only staying with her.


    I nodded calmly at Yang Yali as a greeting, but when I turned away, I noticed her cold and frivolous eyes upon me, mocking me.


    I admit this look caused my heart to ache slightly for a moment. I let it go this one time and walked towards a seat at the table. I wouldn¡¯t be letting it go next time.


    As soon as I sat down, my phone beeped. It was a text message.


    [You didn¡¯t expect to see me. Do you still not want to see me now?¡±]


    I looked up at Ye Lin who was fiddling with his phone. I typed back.


    [Jiang Anjie: Did you follow me and then call your girlfriend to join in? Ye Lin, you really are very bored.]


    After clicking send, I dropped my phone into my pocket, refusing to look at it.


    ¡°Hi!¡± Qu Wei came over, handing me a glass of warm water. ¡°After hearing your voice, I noticed it seems a little hoarse. Did you catch a cold? Some warm water might help.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    I took the glass. This man was a considerate person, and Xiaodi had married him. Although she was away from home, this was a good sign that she should be doing well.


    ¡°If it¡¯s severe you¡¯d better go to the hospital and get some medicine. It¡¯s always better to treat it sooner rather than later.¡±


    ¡°Okay, thank you.¡±


    I still felt a little uncomfortable with other people¡¯s concerns over me.


    ¡°Although it¡¯s the first time I¡¯m meeting you, I feel like we¡¯re already friends. You don¡¯t have to be so polite,¡± he said with a smile.


    I sighed helplessly, thinking, It¡¯s not me being polite, but you are standing too close for comfort.


    However, I couldn¡¯t deceive myself into thinking that his physical closeness was the thing making me feel most uncomfortable. Everyone had taken their seats, with Jiazhen and Piao Zheng on either side of me. Past Jiazhen were Xiaodi and Qu Wei, and past Piao Zheng were Yang Yali and Ye Lin. An unintentional arrangement that made me sit face to face with Ye Lin. Now he would be in my line of sight all night.


    I tried my best to bow my head down and focus on eating. I wasn¡¯t afraid and trying to escape. Rather I was not in the mood to be blamed again for what happened, and I was also feeling extra weak and drowsy from the effects of the oncoming cold.

 CH 4

    As the meal progressed, the atmosphere became charged with animosity. Jaizhen and Lin Xiaodi were at each other¡¯s throats about the dishes they had ordered.


    ¡°Enough of you two. I don¡¯t know if we can still eat this dish from the amount of slander you guys have done to it!¡± said Qu Wei angrily.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s not talk about food,¡± Xiaodi said, smiling. He pointed to Qu Wei. ¡°Maybe we should talk about you.¡±


    He then turned to Jiazhen.


    ¡°Mo Jiazhen, though my question is coming a bit late, I need to know how you, while being so ugly, could chase and then catch yourself a good-looking man? Tell us your secret.¡±


    Jiazhen¡¯s face turned stony at first, then suddenly changed into a smile.


    ¡°You should ask Yang Yali for the trick to chasing after men. She is better than me at it. I believe she was chasing Ye Lin from back then. It caused a sensation in the whole school!¡± Jia Zhen ended with a deadpan expression.


    It had been no secret to me that Jiazhen hated Yang Yali, but today her hatred for her was glaringly obvious.


    There were two reasons why she hated her so much. First, due to my issue with her about Ye Lin, and second, because Yang Yali had snatched away Jiazhen¡¯s first boyfriend from her. This combination of personal and public enmity turned her hatred of her more intense.


    Yang Yali¡¯s face turned ugly.


    ¡°I have no comment. Two people who love each other belong together.¡±


    ¡°Two people in love belong together? Oh, well, that¡¯s interesting. When you pursued young Ye Lin, I remember that he still belonged to my family member, Xiao Jie. Where did you fit in that love, Yang Yali? Could you have harbored feelings for him all that time?¡±


    At Jiazhen¡¯s remarks, the whole table fell silent.


    I looked on at the scene unfolding before me, feeling helpless. I hadn¡¯t expected Jiazhen to bring up my matter in this setting, making everyone so uncomfortable.


    ¡°Eat your meal. You talk a lot!¡±


    Qu Wei picked up a pair of chopsticks and shoved them into Jiazhen¡¯s bowl.


    ¡°This atmosphere is too lively. Don¡¯t you prefer to eat in silence?¡±


    Everyone stayed quiet.


    ¡°Actually,¡± Yang Yali said, breaking the silence, ¡°although Ye Lin did have a girlfriend at the time, people still had the right to pursue him, didn¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°Yali,¡± Ye Lin warned.


    ¡°Not to mention back then¨C¡±


    ¡°Enough, Yali!¡±


    My heart beating fast, I glanced at the person directly in front of me. He was obviously angry, and his face looked cold and melancholy.


    Yang Yali had turned pale. She looked at Ye Lin, and after a long minute, murmured, ¡°Don¡¯t be angry. I didn¡¯t mean to upset you, but can¡¯t I explain how things were?¡¯


    It was a soft apology with no dramatics, but it spoke volumes. It dawned on me that Yang Yali really must love Ye Lin after witnessing her cautious behavior around him.


    ¡°Okay, okay, take it easy everyone,¡± said Lin Xiaodi standing up, trying to diffuse the situation. ¡°It will be hard on everyone¡¯s appetite if this trouble is taken seriously.¡±


    She then turned to Jiazhen, her face solemn.


    ¡°Let me remind you that we gathered today to celebrate Anjie. If you dare mess up this meal, I won¡¯t forgive you.¡±


    Jiazhen must have realized her blunder because she¡¯d stopped talking. She looked my way and then tapped me with her foot under the table.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Anjie, I¡­.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± I said, smiling.


    ¡°If we¡¯re celebrating Jian Anjie today, why is the celebrant so quiet?¡±


    My eyes shot back to Ye Lin, taken aback. I stared at him feeling powerless.


    Ye Lin leaned back in his chair lazily, his eyes half-closed with an arm draped lightly on the back of his chair. The arrogance from the previous moment seemed to have been replaced with his usual, nonchalant self.


    ¡°Nothing to say,¡± I mumbled.


    ¡°Why?¡± Ye Lin asked, feigning surprise. ¡°Have you nothing to say to your classmates after not seeing them for so long?¡± His voice was low, but I could hear his masked sarcasm.


    ¡°Yea Anjie¡± Qu Wei interjected with a smile. ¡°Tell us about France. You¡¯ve been there for so many years. You must have some interesting things to tell us.¡±


    I deliberated for a moment before answering truthfully.


    ¡°Actually, there really is nothing interesting to say.¡±


    I saw no need in going into all the negative things I had encountered.


    ¡°How could there not be?¡± Qu Wei asked in disbelief. ¡°Tell us about your life in France, for example. Did you meet any handsome guys?¡±


    I smiled.


    ¡°There are indeed many good-looking boys in France.¡±


    ¡°Then you must have had many love affairs there, right?¡± Yang Yali asked, her tone condescending.


    I picked up the water glass in front of me, cupping it in my palm absentmindedly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t drink that if you have a cold,¡± Liao Zheng said sharply.


    I hadn¡¯t been paying attention to the liquid poured into my glass during all of the commotion before. Feeling thirsty now, I¡¯d picked it up to drink without realizing the contents of the cup. As I peeked in, I found red wine swirling around inside.


    Smiling sheepishly, I put the glass back down. In actuality, I am a person who can¡¯t drink at all due to my alcohol allergy. One sip would have made my body start to itch and my throat swollen and painful. A larger dose would cause breathing difficulty.


    There were only two people who knew about this.


    ¡°Jian Anjiw, when did you become so obedient? Ye Lin asked, smirking at me.


    I sighed.


    ¡°A lot can change in six years.¡±


    His eyes flashed for a second, so fast I wasn¡¯t sure I¡¯d seen it. Then just as quickly, his mood turned frivolous.


    ¡°Yes, six years, 2,190 days, 52,560 hours or 3, 153,600 seconds. Indeed, anything could change between these numbers.¡±


    My hand froze, and once again, the table fell silent. Nothing was making sense.


    Ye Lin didn¡¯t seem to be finished yet, as he pushed back his chair, stood up, and walked towards me.


    ¡°Since we¡¯re celebrating Jian Anjie, let¡¯s come together for a toast and celebrate her first ¡°Glorious Return¡± in six years!¡±


    He threw back his head and downed his drink.


    He was standing next to me, and the proximity of his body was wreaking havoc in mine.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you look good?¡±


    I felt my breath falter as my chest felt like there was something stuck in it. I bit my lips as I raised my head to meet those half-lidded eyes.


    ¡°Ye Lin!¡± Piao Zheng was now standing in front of me as well, his voice filled with anger.


    Everyone now looked flustered. Qu Wei and Xiaodi were staring, while Yand Yali had also come round to join Ye Lin. She took his hand.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter? What are you doing? Stop throwing tantrums like a child.¡±


    Did she just call Ye Lin a child? The manliest man in the city was labeled a child!


    I raised a glass to my lips, and too late, felt the scorching liquid slide down my throat. I had grabbed the wine glass again without realizing it. I tried desperately to stop from swallowing, but I ended up choking on it in my haste, and several sips made it down. I started coughing uncontrollably as my lips burned. A sudden heat flared in my stomach, and I could feel myself beginning to lose consciousness.


    A voice called out in the midst of my plight.


    ¡°Jian Anjie! How could you drink that? You know very well how allergic you are! Are you looking for death!? Are you feeling pain? I¡¯m blabbering too much. Jian Anjie, I care about you, so don¡¯t you dare die! I will be so angry with you. You have to come back to me¡­!¡±


    The edges of my vision faded to black as one last thought seared through my mind.


    Nothing has changed. It¡¯s not all just a memory of the past¡­

 CH 5

    I woke up late at night in strange surroundings. The air was pungent with an unpleasant chemical smell and everything was quiet.


    ¡°You are awake?¡±


    Seated on a chair beside the bed under the dim light was Piao Zheng with a serious look on his face.


    ¡°This is the first sound sleep I¡¯ve had since my return to China,¡± I said.


    After a long beat, he sighed in exasperation. ¡°I really don¡¯t know what to say to you.¡±


    I was equally lost for words. I thought at worst the red wine would make me break out in rashes because of my allergy. Not in my wildest dreams did I expect to end up in the hospital.


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡±


    That was the best I could offer.


    ¡°Apologies accepted,¡± he said, and the atmosphere brightened.


    ¡°You gave Lin Xiaodi such a scare that she cried. It was so comical despite the seriousness of the situation¡± Piao Zheng blurted out.


    ¡°Well, Xiao Di has always been very emotional.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it was so difficult dissuading her from coming to the hospital.¡±


    After a pause, Piao Zheng continued, ¡°They don¡¯t need to come if it¡¯s not alright with you.¡±


    ¡°En, thank you.¡±


    I can¡¯t stand too much noise when I sleep. And it is almost impossible for me to have any sleep in a hospital.


    I pulled on the infusion tube stuck to my arm and smiled nicely at Piao Zheng.


    ¡°Can we go? I don¡¯t want to stay in the hospital.¡±


    ¡°Not till you finish the drip. You have a high fever,¡± he answered, his tone gentle but firm.


    I glanced at the clock on the wall and was shocked by the time.


    ¡°It¡¯s late, you should go back to rest.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not the only one worried about you.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t sleep with so much on my mind and you hanging around here.¡±


    Piao Zheng sat thoughtfully for a minute before he finally nodded. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll come back tomorrow morning and I will bring you something to eat. You won¡¯t be comfortable with the food here.¡±


    ¡°I want to eat mung bean honey porridge.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    Piao Zheng stood up, picked up his jacket from the end of the bed, and walked towards the door. At the door, he turned around, ¡°It will be better if you relax and rest.¡±


    I smiled and said nothing.


    That night I dreamt someone came into my room but my eyes were too heavy from the medicine I had taken earlier for the cold. I felt a pair of cold hands holding mine. I struggled to break free but the hands tightened their grip.


    When I awoke the room was empty and all I could hear was the gentle ticking of the clock on the wall.


    I removed the infusion tube from my hand, walked into the bathroom, turned on the cold water tap, and washed my hands.


    The next day I saw neither Piao Zheng nor the porridge but instead, I had an unexpected visitor¨C Yang Yali.


    ¡°Where is Ye Lin?¡± she demanded.


    I unplugged the infusion tube, put on my coat, and got out of bed. I¡¯d always felt disadvantaged lying in bed and looking up to talk to people. I walked to the window and looked out. The snow had stopped falling but the landscape was covered with ice and the temperature was minus ten degrees outside.


    ¡°Where is Ye Lin?¡± She repeated


    ¡°Why ask me?¡± She had no business asking me this question in the first place.


    ¡°I know he must have been here.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know where he is, Miss Yang, but I can tell you for sure that I saw him last when he toasted me with a glass of wine¡±.


    Yang Yali looked at me thoughtfully, apparently seeming to weigh my words.


    ¡°I will not give Ye Lin to anyone, including you, Jian Anjie. Don¡¯t forget this.¡± She turned to leave then added, ¡°I wish you a quick recovery.¡±


    As I sat down on the bed the phone on the table rang. It was an unknown number.


    I picked up the receiver and waited for the party at the other end to speak.


    ¡°Where are you?¡± The voice sounded familiar but there was a crackling sound from the phone line.


    ¡°Who is this?¡± I asked.


    The other party seemed surprised and hesitated before answering, ¡°Xichen.¡±


    My fingers started trembling and I struggled to stay calm.


    ¡°Hello?¡± I never thought it could be him.


    How did he find me? He was never meant to find me. How did he get my contact information?


    There was a long silence, then, ¡°Miss Jian, you are too honorable to forget things.¡± His voice was cold.


    ¡°I see, thank you for your reminder.¡± I was supposed to return to Jianzhuang yesterday but what about it? It wasn¡¯t that important.


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± The calm quiet tone was mixed with sarcasm.


    What an arrogant guy.


    My heart fumed, but before I could hang up, the voice came again, ¡°Since Miss Jian now knows, let me ask again, when will Miss Jian return to Jianzhuang?  ¡°


    I paused for a second, then laughed, ¡°Xi Xichen, mind your own business.¡±


    ¡°Give me a specific time,¡± he said, ignoring my insult.


    ¡°May I ask, Mr. Xi, what right do you have to ask me that?¡±


    I don¡¯t have to explain myself to him under any circumstances.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I need to tell a stranger my exact plans, do I?¡± I said taunting him.


    ¡°Your father needs to know the exact time of your arrival to avoid unnecessary waste of time,¡± he said quietly, making it sound like he was the one waiting.


    It appeared he just wanted to make me look stupid since all my verbal cynicism had no effect on him. There was therefore no reason to continue the conversation.


    ¡°In a few days time¡±


    ¡°Miss Jian, you probably didn¡¯t hear me clearly. I said a specific time.¡±


    I gritted my teeth. ¡°Tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Okay, tomorrow.¡± After a pause, he said, ¡°I can send someone to pick you up if need be.¡±


    ¡°I still know the way back.¡±


    ¡°I hope so.¡±

 CH 6

    In the afternoon, Piao Zheng came over to help me with the discharge formalities. Lin Xiaodi and Mo Jiazhen had come over earlier and made a fuss for half the day, but I had gotten so annoyed that I was forced to send them away.


    As I sat in Piao Zheng¡¯s car, I was finally able to have some mung bean and honey porridge to drink.


    ¡°It¡¯s not sweet enough.¡±


    ¡°Four spoons of sugar, miss!¡± Park Zheng, who was supposed to be concentrating on the road, couldn¡¯t help but look at me incredulously.


    ¡°I like it sweet.¡±


    Thinking about it, I added, ¡°The sweeter, the better.¡±


    ¡°Strange. I didn¡¯t see you as someone with such a sweet tooth when you were a kid, did I?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve started to like it in the last few years.¡± I laughed, ¡°French desserts are really good.¡±


    ¡°You heh! By the way,¡± Park Zheng handed me a stack of papers from his suit pocket, ¡°plane tickets to Shanghai tomorrow afternoon, and the morning after, to France¡­must we be in such a hurry? It hasn¡¯t even been four days since you¡¯ve been back.¡±


    ¡°Four days is enough.¡±


    When we arrived at Piao Zheng¡¯s flat, it had already gone dark. I got out of the car while Piao Zheng went to park in the underground garage. I put my hat on and headed for the front door, but before I could take a step a pair of arms pulled me back from behind with such force that the hat slipped off as I turned around.


    A dashing handsome face came into view ¨C Ye Lin!


    The dim light of the streetlamp reflected on his face and I saw his usual dashing swagger was gone. He looked a bit downcast and haggard, and his usual flirtatious eyes were bloodshot. After the initial shock wore off, I tried to break free of the wrist he was pulling, only to be gripped in more pain.


    ¡°Ye Lin?¡±


    In the next second my lips were blocked by a fierce kiss, the tip of a supple tongue invading, stirring, and tossing. I felt his body heat invade me, frantic, reckless, extremely repressed and determined and with a fierce demand, as if he wanted to pour all his emotions into this kiss. My mind went blank.


    A moment later he rested his head on my slightly shaking shoulder and murmured with a helpless sigh, ¡°Don¡¯t you want me?¡±


    His voice sounded forlorn. As if under compulsion, I lifted my hand and couldn¡¯t help but stroke his soft black hair with a touch of fondness and indulgence. Slowly he lowered his head and approached my lips once more, teasing them gently with a touch of temptation, from shallow to deep.


    The cold winter air seeped in through a button that had come undone at some point, and my body shuddered, waking up with a start. Realizing that I had lost control, I pushed him away. Ye Lin was taken a bit by surprise and took a big step back. His clothes were disheveled and he stared at me.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, do you still want me?¡± His voice was devilishly sweet, trying to dismantle all my resistance. This cunning man!


    Finally, I said, ¡°Ye Lin, stop playing, just say what you want to say.¡±


    I was incapable of speculating on his motives. His mind had always been more meticulous than mine.


    His expression looked a little hurt as he stared at me with deep, impenetrable eyes.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, I love you.¡±


    My heart skipped a beat ¨C words like that really shouldn¡¯t be said now.


    ¡°I love you, you hear me! I love you!¡±


    My calmness, at least on the surface, caused him to unconsciously raise his tone.


    ¡°We broke up, Ye Lin. Six years ago.¡± I heard myself sounding surprisingly calm.


    ¡°I love you!!!¡± His raised voice was fondly familiar.


    I looked straight at him. ¡°Yelin, we¡¯ve broken up,¡± I repeated.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to break up with you!¡±


    He grabbed my arms and his voice bordered on mania as he yelled, ¡°I regret it, I don¡¯t want to break up with you! I repeat, I regret it and I don¡¯t want to break up with you!¡±


    ¡°Ye Lin,¡± I fought back the pain in my arms, ¡°You were the one who said you wanted to break up with me.¡±


    ¡°You made me say it! You don¡¯t care about me, you don¡¯t care about me at all! You said you were going to France and I was scared! I was angry! I said I wanted to break up! I wanted you to be nervous, I wanted you to stay! But, but¡­¡± His voice turned low and surprisingly sad, ¡°but you went anyway!¡± He looked up at me, ¡°You could always act so decisively, so it made me think you never loved me!¡±


    It¡¯s impossible to allow someone to stay by one¡¯s side for six years without caring and without loving.


    So that was what he had thought all along. It was still a little hard to hear such words, even after six years of separation.


    ¡°Ye Lin,¡± I said slowly and softly, but every word was clear and bitter. ¡°I loved you, once. When you said you were breaking up with me, I was sad, really sad. I had been kicked out of Jian¡¯s house. I went to look for you.


    ¡°I said I was going to France, that I was forced to go to a place where I couldn¡¯t even communicate in my own language. All I wanted was to find you and you said ¡®Let¡¯s break up, Jian Anjie¡¯. Till now, I don¡¯t remember how I walked away.¡±


    ¡°Jian Anjie, you bastard, if you want to go to France you go, what are you talking to me about, who am I to you, I¡¯m nothing after all!¡±


    ¡°Though you said we¡¯d broken up, I still missed you. I still wanted to find you when I first arrived in France, even though I thought it was strange, but I really wanted¡­to have you by my side. At one point, I finally got the courage to call you. It was not you who answered. She said you do not want to answer my call.


    ¡°At that time I had been standing in the street. When I tried to walk back home, even though I had walked that road no less than ten times, I had to ask someone for help, but then I found myself unable to understand a word.


    ¡°Yelin, we were together for six years, not sixty days. In the first few months, I dreamed about you almost every day. For a long time I hadn¡¯t even wanted to wake up, but the most absurd thing was that at night I had to take sleeping pills again to get to sleep.¡±


    ¡°The second and last time I called you, I really shouldn¡¯t have. It was scary and I was scared. My friend was dead. The only friend I had there was dead. I just needed to find you. That last time made me really decide not to look for you anymore.¡±


    ¡°Yelin, it¡¯s me. Is something wrong?¡±


    The voice that had come after the long silence had been harsh and heartless.


    ¡°I¡­miss you, Yelin, I really, really do. Can we meet?¡±


    People are the only animals with mental feelings, especially when they are vulnerable and only want to be emotionally dependent on someone extremely important to them.


    ¡°Really, you miss me?¡±


    His voice had been laced with noticeable sarcasm.


    ¡°If that¡¯s all you¡¯re calling to tell me, then, excuse me.¡±


    ¡°Ye Lin, I want to see you!¡±


    I had thrown away all self-respect and pride, the only time in my life I had humbled myself like that.


    ¡°But I don¡¯t want to see you, not at all! If I could, I¡¯d like to forget everything that happened with you!¡±


    I looked up at him now, and his expression was one of total shock. He let go of my hand, staggered back a few steps, and then laughed. ¡°Jian Anjie, you¡¯re so cruel. You¡¯ll always be crueler than me!¡±


    He turned and ran into the darkness, his sloppy steps looking unusually wretched and sluggish down the silent road.


    Am I cruel?


    If this was called cruel, then I was cruel. This was a kind of obsession and also a kind of morbid prejudice ¨Ca  prejudice that hurt people and hurt oneself, but it was deep-rooted and difficult to change.


    As I looked at the figure eventually fading into the night, my heart could not deceive itself enough to stop a small prick.


    The best thing to do if you knew something was no longer possible was to not begin anything new.


    When I turned around, I was surprised to see Xi Xichen standing under a street lamp not far away.

 CH 7

    His tall, slender figure drew a hazy shadow and his handsome face looked deep and indiscernible in the shadows.


    His gaze was also somewhat intimidating in the twilight.


    ¡°Miss Jian.¡± His voice was as deep and cold as usual.


    I didn¡¯t know how long he had been standing there, or how much he had actually heard. I looked at him without saying a word.


    It was just that today had been really hectic and it was exhausting to deal with these difficult characters over and over again. My tired-out mind just wished the man in front of me would end this meeting sooner, but obviously, that was only a wish.


    ¡°If you can, please take the time to visit the Jian Estate.¡±


    The low voice paused, then added, ¡°Now.¡±


    Now?


    I frowned, trying to suppress the irritation in my heart.


    ¡°Mr. Xi, you seem to have forgotten that our appointment is tomorrow.¡±


    His eyes were stern as he looked straight at me. ¡°Now, I think you should be free.¡±


    ¡°Xi Xichen, I have to say, you¡¯re really presumptuous.¡±


    Ignoring me, he said, ¡°Please.¡±


    I started to feel a little angry, as anyone would be in this situation. I didn¡¯t know why he had come to mess with me, as there was no need to!


    ¡°I¡¯ll be there tomorrow morning.¡±


    Without further ado, I turned around and walked towards the flat gate. Piao Zheng should already have taken the lift straight up from the car park, and my lingering was going to cause another long, unnecessary racket for a while.


    ¡°Your father leaves for Singapore tomorrow.¡±


    I stopped walking immediately! What did he mean? Was he telling me that Jian Anjie, who had been kicked out of the Jian family, was no longer qualified to return to the family anytime, anywhere, or was he trying to tell me that even if I wanted to meet my own father, it would depend on whether that father was available to summon me?


    To this day, I have to admit that I was afraid of ¨C and hated ¨C  Xi Xichen! Yes, hate! Six years ago, when he hit me, I still couldn¡¯t forget that throbbing heat coupled with the lowest of insults. That startling moment, when I lost all my pride and self-respect for an instant and could only caress the corners of my mouth and sob on the floor.


    I turned back to him with a calm face. Six years of experience had honed my senses on worldliness and hypocrisy.


    ¡°If that is the case, then please tell my father that there is no need to waste this amount of time on me tonight, and as for tomorrow, heck, coincidentally I will be leaving as well.¡± I smiled, ¡°I suppose you¡¯ll be happy to pass this on for me, Mr. Xi?¡±


    I turned away once more, but Xi Xichen moved three steps to stand in front of me. I was not expecting such swift movement from a man.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    What had been a stoic expression before now became elusive.


    If Ye Lin¡¯s approach was what made my heart palpitate and panic, then Xi Xichen¡¯s approach was what frightened and scared me.


    I tried in vain to push him aside, but he grabbed my arms.


    ¡°Nom de Dieu, damn it!¡± I subconsciously cursed in French, ¡°Let go, Xi Xichen!¡±


    ¡°Let go? Is it okay for him to hold you!¡± There was a hidden anger in his eyes that would have been hard to detect if he hadn¡¯t been standing so close to me. I didn¡¯t know what his anger was about though. It was inexplicable, since I was the one who should have been angry in this situation!


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯re in a position to ask me about things like that!¡±


    His body trembled as he stared at me, his eyes dark and compelling.


    When he spoke again his voice had regained its composure. ¡°If I have understood you correctly, then you mean, Miss Jian, that you will be returning to France tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°More or less.¡± I was going to see my mother in Shanghai tomorrow afternoon and flying to France early the morning after, but I didn¡¯t think I needed to explain that much to him.


    ¡°More or less?¡± His tone returned to condescending. ¡°Then Miss Jian, you must return to the Jian Estate tonight.¡±


    ¡°Ridiculous! Who are you to tell me ¡®must¡¯!¡±


    ¡°Legally, I am your cousin.¡± Xi Xichen¡¯s voice got a little sad when he said this.


    This was so refreshing! I resisted the urge to laugh out loud.


    ¡°Don¡¯t press me with this irritating relationship! It¡¯s disgusting to hear!¡±


    ¡°Very well! I¡¯m also¨C¡±


    The sudden ringing of his phone interrupted his next words. Xi Xichen took the phone out of his coat pocket, glanced at me, then frowned before answering.


    ¡°¡­.Yes!¡­.good!¡±


    Then he handed the phone over to me. ¡°Your father.¡±


    I looked at him and then at the black phone in his hand for a long moment before finally taking it.


    ¡°Xiao Jie, I asked Xichen to pick you up, I hope you don¡¯t mind.¡±


    His tone was rusty and polite, not like family. ¡°Can you come over now?¡± The old voice sounded humble and sincere.


    I was determined not to go back before taking this phone call. Previously, I had wanted to sort some things out before returning but when I had discovered that I had a brother, and dragged my luggage out of Jian¡¯s house, nothing had mattered anymore.


    I handed the phone back to the man in front of me, turned, and walked to the curb where I signaled for a taxi.


    He followed and stood in front of me. ¡°Do you have to do this?¡±


    I looked at him sideways and then smiled. ¡°Didn¡¯t you say I was afraid of you? I admit it, I¡¯m afraid of you.¡±


    Xichen¡¯s eyes darkened and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he eventually  suppressed it.


    A car pulled up in front of me and without hesitation, I crossed over and climbed in.

 CH 8

    After calling Piao Zheng from the car and explaining things to him, I closed my eyes and tried to calm my mind ¨C what I had to deal with next would make me exhausted. Jian Zhenlin was still here.


    The maid opened the door when I arrived, but this time she did not turn me away and politely led me to the study. I followed her through the long, empty corridor, with its dark wall lamps and carved wooden banisters.


    We passed by the backyard, and I noticed that the bamboo was gone. It had been replaced with a garden full of begonias blooming delicately in a white world of snow and ice.


    As we reached the last room, the maid opened the door.


    ¡°Sir, Miss Jian is here.¡±


    The bright lights, the meticulous furnishings, the cabinets full of books, all signaled the rigour and prestige of a successful businessman. I turned my head to look at the middle-aged man standing by the window looking at me. I was face to face with my father, Jian Zhenlin.


    ¡°There you are.¡±


    There was an unnatural tone in his voice, and a hint of nervousness. It was interesting to see that the Jian Zhenlin who was usually articulate on-screen was nervous around his own daughter.


    ¡°Little Jie, you must be tired from the journey.¡± He approached me speaking kindly.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°Have a seat. What would you like to drink first? I¡¯ll have the maid bring it up, tea or¡­?¡±


    ¡°No, thanks.¡±


    My visit shouldn¡¯t last long enough for a cup of tea.


    He looked a little bemused by my lack of enthusiasm, and became embarrassed and speechless until the maid came knocking on the door.


    ¡°Sir, Mr Xi is back. Should I invite him up?¡±


    Jian Zhenlin turned, walked over to the mahogany table and sat down.


    ¡°Let him come up.¡±


    He pointed to the sofa not far away.


    ¡°Little Jie, you can sit down too.¡±


    ¡°Uncle Jian.¡± A low voice sounded accompanied with the sound of the door opening. I stood still, neither moving nor sitting down.


    ¡°Oh, Xichen, you¡¯re back.¡± Jian Zhenlin didn¡¯t ask why we had come separately. Xichen brushed past me as he walked to the desk and sat down.


    Jian Zhenlin looked at me, his eyes repeatedly signalling for me to go and sit down as well, but I didn¡¯t. I remained standing, my back ramrod straight.


    After a moment, he sighed and stood up with a sense of powerlessness in his eyes.


    ¡°Little Jie¡­.¡± His lips moved silently before he continued, ¡°I know, you must still be blaming me for what I did back then. ¡°


    I was a bit confused. I hadn¡¯t expected him to mention this topic so quickly and so bluntly.


    ¡°Little Jie, I¡¯m relieved that you¡¯re willing to come back to Jian¡¯s house today. Your time outside must have been very hard. It¡¯s been so many years, yet I haven¡¯t done my duty as a father should. Not even a little.¡±


    These words should have sounded pathetic, but in the moment, all I could feel was numbness and indifference.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to.¡±


    These false promises, these courtesies, these touching words, they didn¡¯t need to be used on me ¨C at least not now.


    Jian Zhenlin¡¯s face looked a little embarrassed. He opened his mouth several times without making a sound, then finally said, ¡°Little Jie, you are my only daughter.¡±


    Those few words cut deep into my heart. They were not very painful, but they left a scar.


    ¡°Dad, I know I¡¯m your daughter, but you have a son don¡¯t you?¡± It was sarcasm that could no longer be disguised.

 CH 9

    I was not surprised to see Jian Zhenlin¡¯s stunned and wretched expression, but I suddenly felt a little ridiculous. I did not want to hurt anyone but being repeatedly hurt made me feel very depressed and aggrieved.


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t talk like that.¡± A voice pierced the silence.


    I laughed. ¡°Do I have to get your permission for what I should or shouldn¡¯t say? Xichen, you try to control too much.¡±


    He frowned and stood up, looking at me with some disapproval.


    ¡°Six years have indeed changed you a lot.¡±


    I grunted slightly and turned to my father. ¡°What exactly is it that you want from me?¡± I didn¡¯t want to waste any more time here.


    ¡°Xiao Jie, actually Xichen¨C¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I came here to talk about him.¡± I coldly interrupted what my father wanted to say about Xi Xichen next.


    Jian Zhenlin sighed and nodded towards Xichen who was looking at me with a deep gaze too hard for me to understand.


    After a long moment, he pulled out a document from the mahogany table and walked towards me. I forced myself to stand still and waited for him to approach.


    Xichen handed the document to me, but I did not reach out to take it. I glanced at it lightly, and saw it was a letter of alienation of property.


    The title said: The Lin Ting Garden Property in Jian¡¯s Name.


    ¡°Little Jie, this has been your home since you were a child. I want to leave this house to you.¡±


    ¡°No need,¡± I said, not missing a beat.


    ¡°I have already purchased a property in the nearby district, and you don¡¯t like us¡­¡± Jian  Zhenlin seemed to notice that the ¡°us¡± was a bit inappropriate, and paused before speaking again, his tone a bit cautious.


    ¡°I live here with your Aunt Shen and the others and I¡­they can move there right away.¡± The last words were said brokenly.


    I stayed silent and looked at him with a blank face.


    ¡°Little Jie, I regret sending you to France but it was too late. For six years you were almost disconnected from us, but you are my only daughter.¡± Jian Zhenlin said, his voice almost incoherent.


    Is this my father, the same man who had been so successful in the business world?


    Suddenly I realised that he was just a middle-aged man who was tired of the world. Six years had made him much older.

 CH 10

    Did I stay? Yes, the abominable weakness of the heart disintegrated those early feelings of utter determination.


    When the first rays of the morning sun came through my window the next morning, I found that I had actually slept well in that house. It had been so dark when I went to bed the night before that I had the illusion of going back in time. There had been a period as a child when I fell sick a lot and was always in bed. The room was kept dark because I spent a lot of that time sleeping.


    I turned over in my bed and then fell out of it in shock.


    While my father had had my room cleared of all that didn¡¯t belong in it, he didn¡¯t yet seem capable of keeping his youngest son from wandering around.


    Standing up, I walked over to the recliner to grab a robe and wrap myself in it ¨C it wasn¡¯t cold, the house was heated to a perfect temperature ¨C and then turned around to squint at the little boy curled up in the corner of my bed, asleep.


    The mattress would have to be changed again.


    I suddenly remembered what Piao Zheng had said.


    ¡°Is there no cure for cleanliness?¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but smile.


    I dialed Piao Zheng¡¯s phone and relaxed a little as I leaned against the floor-to-ceiling window. ¡°Are you up?¡±


    ¡°Not because you woke me up.¡±


    Piao Zheng¡¯s tone was poor. He had always been quite the wake-up caller.


    ¡°Brother,¡± I said, my voice soft but not pouty.


    ¡°Anjie, just give me direct orders if there¡¯s anything you want, don¡¯t give me that.¡±


    Once again, Piao Zheng, proved that he had absolutely no romantic cells to speak of.


    ¡°Piao Zheng, maybe I¡¯ll stay here for a few more days. I will keep you updated.¡±


    I glanced at myself in the mirror and raised my hand to brush down a few strands of bedhead hair.


    There was a moment¡¯s pause on Piao Zheng¡¯s end as he took in what I had just said.


    ¡°About a few days?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure, maybe two or three days. The ticket will have to be returned. As for my mother, I hope you¡¯ll step in and help me out. She loves you. And the visa for immigration, I think it might be necessary to do it now.¡±


    ¡°What! Did they force you?¡± Piao Zheng¡¯s voice was cold and hard for a moment.


    ¡°Forced? Heh, no in fact, just the opposite.¡± I felt calm as I answered.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get on it.¡±


    After a pause, Piao Zheng said, ¡°If you can¡¯t stay there any longer, even for just a second, don¡¯t force yourself.¡±


    I traced my finger over the fog-covered glass. ¡°You know I¡¯ve always loved myself.¡±


    ¡°I think you¡¯re self-abusing, having to run back there again. By the way, are you happy with the bedding set I sent over last night?¡±


    ¡°Not quite.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s handmade from the South China Sea, and I¡¯ve cleaned and disinfected it myself several times! Tsk, Miss, you¡¯re really picky!¡± His laugh was pleasantly melodious.


    ¡°Thank you, Piao Zheng.¡±


    Piao Zheng was happy to hear that. ¡°I prefer a substantial reward in comparison, come, come come, my credit card number is 3359¡­¡±


    Laughing, I hung up the phone.


    I rubbed at my brow. I had a headache that had built up over the years, but it wasn¡¯t really an ailment. It only flared up in the morning so I never gave it much thought.


    ¡°Sister!¡±


    The sudden call made me remember that there was a small child in the room, who was now sitting at the end of the bed with a pillow in his arms, looking at me with big dark eyes and a wide smile.


    ¡°How did you get in yesterday?¡±


    I was sure I had locked the door, but what was even more mind-boggling was that I had been oblivious to his entrance!


    The kid blinked and smiled even more, ¡°Great sis is talking to Yu Yan!¡± 1


    There was the sound of a body hitting the ground.


    ¡°That hurts!¡± The boy hobbled as he struggled up from the floor, ¡°Ouch, ouch, sis¡­.¡±


    I watched him awkwardly as he rubbed his already bruising forehead, resisting the urge to go and soothe him.


    I hurriedly crossed the room and walked straight into the bathroom.


    I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve figured out how I¡¯m going to adjust to this so-called affinity.


    Why is he in this room? Well, as long as he¡¯s not a ghost.¡­


    ¡°She was the one who pushed me down! My baby is gone! She¡¯s the one who killed my baby!¡±


    As long as he isn¡¯t a ghost.¡­


    I flung a few handfuls of cold water on my face. There was something so pathetic about my face in the mirror, pale and depressed with a touch of sickness.


    This is probably who I am when I have nothing to hide behind!


    When I came out of the bathroom, I thought I¡¯d find the child gone, but instead I found that not only had he not gone but there was now an adult as well.


    This room had apparently become a public place.


    Xichen was sitting on the edge of the bed with Jian Yulin in his arms. His long fingers rubbed the lump on the boy¡¯s forehead with an obviously doting expression on his face.


    ¡°If it hurts, it¡¯s okay to cry.¡±


    There was tenderness in his voice instead of the usual cold and deep tone.


    ¡°If you want to put on a heavenly show of bonding, I suggest you do it in a different place.¡± I leaned against the sanded door frame of the bathroom, refusing to go any further.

 CH 11

    Xi Xichen¡¯s eyes flashed when he saw me, before quickly hiding it. Standing up, he put down Jian Yulin and said lightly, ¡°Come down and have breakfast.¡±


    I didn¡¯t expect him to say this, and after a second¡¯s delay, I habitually refused.


    ¡°No need.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not wise to express your displeasure in that way,¡± he said.


    I knew what he meant, but apparently, he got the wrong idea. I wasn¡¯t the type to use myself as a bargaining chip to play mental warfare.


    He turned to Jian Yulin.


    ¡°Go wash your face and brush your teeth first, then go downstairs for breakfast, eh?¡±


    His tone was soft. He seemed to only return to his human side when he was talking to Yulin.


    ¡°You come along too,¡± he said, looking up at me.


    I don¡¯t think you¡¯re wrong to say that to me, but what is this gentleness? I guess he has forgotten for a moment that I am Jian Anjie and not Jian Yulin.


    Naturally, I wouldn¡¯t join them. For one thing, I was not in the habit of eating breakfast, and even if I were, I¡¯d never eat with someone I was actively trying to avoid.


    From the corner of my eye, I noticed the young master of the Jian family approaching me slowly.


    I narrowed my eyes and subconsciously straightened my body, but couldn¡¯t help lowering my head.


    ¡°Sister, would you like to have breakfast with me?¡± The tone was pitiful and the eyes were red and full of sympathy.


    Yulin¡¯s plea failed to overcome my stubborn pride. When the boy got enough courage to move in front of me, he reached out to take my hand. However, I only touched his warm, soft fingers for an instant before quickly dropping them.


    ¡°Sister,¡± His damp eyes looked at me with the demeanour of a small deer.


    Xichen¡¯s tone dropped a bit, ¡°You should be able to tell that Yulin likes you a lot.¡±


    His words made me flinch and my eyes dimmed, ¡°Heh, like, so should I come and bow down to you for this cheap boon?¡±


    What had already been completely given up, now brought out as a handout, would only be an abomination.


    Xichen stared at me, a touch of sadness surfacing in his dark pupils.


    The sudden sound of my mobile ringing broke the silence in the room. It was Piao Zheng¡¯s number.


    I walked towards the balcony, deliberately ignoring the two people in the room.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    I hoped it wasn¡¯t something to do with my mother. That would be a lot more difficult to deal with. ¡°It¡¯s me.¡±


    I froze but wasn¡¯t too surprised.


    ¡°I knew you wouldn¡¯t answer my calls, so¡­.¡± there was a bit of bitterness in his voice. ¡°Something wrong?¡±


    He paused, then said angrily, ¡°Don¡¯t just tell me that every time!¡±


    I laughed from the bottom of my heart.


    ¡°What do I have to tell you then?¡±


    ¡°You¡­.¡± he trailed off with obvious surprise in his voice. ¡°I want to see you now. Don¡¯t say no!¡±


    He had never had much patience but was surprisingly resilient.


    After a moment¡¯s thought, I gave in, mostly because of my own selfishness. I also wanted to see him again before I left.


    ¡°Nine o¡¯clock, Cafe Tortoni.¡±


    ¡°I said now!¡± He always used a commanding tone when he was in a hurry.


    I sighed.


    ¡°Yelin, you know I could have answered otherwise.¡±


    He thought for a moment before finally compromising.


    ¡°Okay, nine o¡¯clock, I¡¯ll wait for you.¡±


    I pressed the end call button and leaned over the carved balustrade. The view outside was still familiar, with the same trees, road, and houses. I remembered not liking to go out much as a child, and the only voluntary contact I made with the outside world had been from this balcony. It felt safe to only look from a distance.


    It had been a kind of congenital, self-imposed isolation.


    How does this so-called autism get better later on? It seems to be incurable. Going to strange places, being forced to accept them, to face them, and then finally gaining the ability to rip off the veneer of vulnerability in pain and defeat after pain and defeat, slowly becoming selfish, mocking, vicious and heartless¡­.


    I¡¯m not sure I¡¯m going to be able to do that. It¡¯s impossible to go back to the old days, even if I want to be the same self-absorbed and gloomy Jian Anjie again.

 CH 12

    I turned around and went back into the room. Xi Xichen was no longer there, which was expected. The little boy called Jian Yulin was half lying on the bed trying to fold the quilt. His movements were clumsy but his efforts were quite passable. At least it was now much neater than before.


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother, you won¡¯t need it anyway.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, sorry sis.¡± The boy¡¯s white cheeks flushed.


    ¡°Did I scare you?¡± I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable.


    ¡°I¨CI¡­¡±


    His small hands began to twist the front end of his shirt while his face grew a few shades redder.


    He seemed really nervous.


    ¡°Well, if there¡¯s nothing else to do, go out and play, okay?¡±


    I didn¡¯t have good feelings towards the family, but children are innocent after all.


    I put my phone down on the bed then turned towards the dressing room.


    ¡°Sister!¡± His voice came from behind me with a bit of urgency. I turned around and saw Jian Yulin slide off the edge of the bed and run towards me. When I realized what was going on I took several hurried steps back. He came to a stand-still and looked at me, pathetically biting his lip.


    ¡°Is something else wrong?¡±


    A shake of the head, a pause and then a quick nod.


    ¡°Sister¡¯s going out?¡±


    ¡°En.¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s sis going? When will you be back?¡± He asked and moved a few steps closer to me, though I didn¡¯t think he was aware of the movement.


    I lost my patience and couldn¡¯t stop myself from snapping at a small child.


    ¡°Young master, I don¡¯t think I need to report my whereabouts to you.¡±


    ¡°No, I¨C¡±


    I shoved my hands into my pyjama pockets and turned around, treating him like a little adult. ¡°What exactly do you want to say?¡± I really didn¡¯t have much patience left.


    ¡°That¡­that¡­¡± the corners of his shirt were already wrinkled on either side of his body and his eyes blinked to the point of flooding.


    ¡°Ah, yes!¡± Suddenly instead of crying, he flashed me a joyous smile and ran two steps closer to me. ¡°Brother said that if Sister wanted to go out she could have the chauffeur, eh, eh, that¡¯s it, huh, now that should be no problem, heh heh.¡± His eyes darted to me. ¡°No, No, so there is no fear, no fear that my sister will get lost.¡±


    The little child¡¯s words were coming out a bit garbled.


    ¡°Well, I see. Is there anything else?¡± I had exerted a lot of patience with the little boy in front of me.


    ¡°No more, no more.¡± Jian Yulin smiled, then ran back to the end of the bed to slip into his slippers. ¡°I¡¯m going to brush my teeth then!¡± Grinning, he bounced out of the room.


    I was sure I hadn¡¯t said anything substantial, meaning I hadn¡¯t promised or committed to anything, but a few simple words still made this six-year-old leap for joy.


    Xichen was right. Jian Yulin likes to be close to me.

 CH 13

    I changed my clothes and left the room.


    From across the hallway Xi Xichen also came out of his bedroom, pausing for a moment when he opened his door and saw me.


    The previous casual clothes had been changed in favor for a formal and sophisticated black suit which set off his tall, slender body, invisibly emitting a deep aura. I narrowed my eyes and after one look at him, smiled, then led the way downstairs. He followed me, keeping a couple of steps between us.


    I noticed I was vaguely out of breath when he was around, with a multitude of mixed emotions swirling inside me; fear, disgust, the desire to keep far away from him. He made me feel very out of sorts.


    ¡°Going out?¡± His low voice came from behind me. He seemed to be keeping a deliberately slow pace behind me, making sure not to come closer or pull further away.


    When I didn¡¯t answer, he added, ¡°I¡¯ll walk with you.¡±


    The tone was flat.


    I went straight downstairs without responding because there was no need to. When I reached the ground floor I saw the maids had already prepared breakfast. Everything there was new to me ¨C the breakfast, the table, and the people.


    ¡°Mr. Xi,¡±


    ¡°Lin Ma, please bring Yu Yan down for breakfast. He¡¯s on the first floor.¡±


    I let out a soft laugh as I walked out of the entrance way.


    A driver was waiting right outside, and upon seeing me, opened the car door.


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother, I¡¯m not from here.¡± I threw the remark then turned right, heading straight up the residential stretch of the boulevard. It was a downhill stretch lined with low-hanging rose bushes that would display colourful petals in the summer.


    A small distance away stood the familiar bus stop. There were several people waiting for the bus, most of them students, wearing the XX Annexe uniforms.


    I walked over and picked the least crowded spot to wait for the bus. Ten minutes later, a white car drove down the road, passed the stop sign, turned skilfully left at the first intersection and disappeared.


    I smiled slightly and closed my eyes. I didn¡¯t know how long it took, but a shadow suddenly came over me, blocking out the winter sun I was enjoying.


    When I opened my eyes, I was met with a pair of deep black ones.


    Xi Xichen spoke no words of anger, but he seemed angry? His calm expression didn¡¯t falter, but it still vaguely contained some sort of anger.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± He said.


    I gathered up all my emotions and assumed my most natural stance.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think you¡¯re acting ridiculously?¡± I looked sideways at the white car parked along the street. This didn¡¯t seem like something he would normally do.


    ¡°Not really.¡± He answered with surprising seriousness.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a lot of free time.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you a lift, the bus isn¡¯t for you.¡±


    That was an interesting point of view.


    ¡°Heh. You¡¯re noble, Xi Xichen.¡± Both elegant and noble, but it¡¯s his condescension that I find most unbearable.


    His eyebrows furrowed together. ¡°You know what I mean.¡±


    I paused, then laughed.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think we¡¯re familiar enough to know each other¡¯s thoughts.¡±


    There was disapproval now in his eyes.


    ¡°Does it make you feel happy to be a bit of a smart-ass?¡±


    I froze before grunting, ¡°I didn¡¯t know I had that tendency until you mentioned it.¡± The sarcasm in that statement was obvious.


    When I thought about it, I realized I didn¡¯t normally speak this way. I usually shied away from this type of speech, but this man made my mind fill with ill-intent.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, should I be glad that in six years you¡¯ve become so articulate, or should I be sorry that you¡¯ve become so sarcastic?¡± There was almost a hidden pain in his tone, although I felt sure I must have misheard it.


    ¡°What I have become seems to be none of your business.¡±


    He looked at me, his calm expression unchanged. Then he suddenly stepped forward, grasped my arm, and dragged me towards the car beside the road, his grip so firm that I couldn¡¯t break free!


    I felt annoyed.


    ¡°What do you want!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯re going to get in the car voluntarily.¡±


    ¡°Ha! I¡¯m glad we agree!¡±


    ¡°Your stubbornness can be useful, but not in this kind of situation.¡±


    ¡°Xi Xichen!¡± I was unable to shake off his tightening grip.


    He suddenly stopped walking and leaned over to whisper in my ear. ¡°Stop it, okay?¡±


    His voice sounded as if he was talking to Jian Yujie, gentle and soft with a hint of a different emotion present.


    I was at a loss for words as well as a little annoyed at his mistaken target.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, your behaviour doesn¡¯t make any sense!¡±


    It was simply inexplicable!


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t make sense?¡± He stared at me quietly, as if he was talking to himself as well as to me, then smiled faintly, looking surprisingly a bit tragic.


    ¡°Good morning, brother.¡± Jian Yulin rubs his eyes and comes out of the bedroom. Now that it was summer, he was staying with his cousin for a month. His mother had promised him he could.


    Xichen puts down the newspaper in his hand and pushes a glass of milk to the right-hand side of the table.


    ¡°Good boy, eat your breakfast first.¡±


    The little boy climbs into the chair.


    ¡°Can I not drink the milk?¡± Wrinkling his pretty brow, he looks down at the cup of white liquid in front of him with slight disgust.


    ¡°Um, okay.¡± The light voice is kind. ¡°We¡¯ll drink it at night.¡±


    ¡°Oh, not again!¡±


    His warm eyes twinkle, ¡°Fine no milk then. Drink the porridge.¡±


    ¡°Oh okay!¡± The little boy immediately sits down, obediently picks up the bowl next to him and drinks it. Compared to milk, white porridge was simply holy. This was the first big idea in Jian Yulin¡¯s young mind.


    ¡°Ah, yes!¡± His head lifts as he turns to his cousin, ¡°Is brother going to that country with the big iron pagoda again?¡±


    ¡°Eh.¡± He says absently.


    ¡°So then, can you take Yu Yan with you this time?¡± Beautiful little eyes begin to glow pleadingly.


    ¡°You want to go?¡± His voice is scattered and he picks up another newspaper to flip through.


    ¡°Mmmmmmm! Want to go, want to go!¡±


    ¡°Eh.¡± Absent-minded again.


    ¡°Ah! Really?! You can really take Yu Yan with you! Great great great!¡±


    ¡°Um, no.¡±


    THUD!


    The sound of a head hitting the table resounds in the room.


    It is a mild and bright summer day in France.


    The Seine River winds its way through one of the world¡¯s busiest cities, Paris, and along its banks, the scenery is beautiful and charming. It is a scene that could not be more moving, feeling like a modern poem.


    A man in black strolls idly along the river, his indifferent demeanour, aloof air, and distinguished appearance attracting a few glances even in fashion-drenched Paris.


    In five years he¡¯d been here twenty times. Twenty times! Was it really that much? As he wonders, he can¡¯t help but smile bitterly.


    It¡¯s two o¡¯clock in the afternoon when Xichen returns to the hotel where he is staying. He takes a shower and changes into some casual clothes.


    Nian Yi comes and knocks on the door. ¡°Elvis, are we having dinner tonight?¡±


    Xichen turns to let him in.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Xichen asks.


    ¡°Yes, the boss of the company here wants to invite us to dinner.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Xi Xichen narrows his eyebrows. He has never been a fan of entertaining.


    ¡°Good question. However, it is said that this CEO is French-Chinese and wants to take this opportunity to improve the relationship between us. Is this reason acceptable?¡±


    Naturally, Xichen doesn¡¯t pay attention to Nian Yi¡¯s nonsense.


    ¡°I have something to do.¡± Meaning he can¡¯t go.


    Nian Yi gives him a look. ¡°Elvis, I¡¯ve never been able to figure you out. You¡¯ve always been lazy about things in the company. Why are you only so interested in this business trip thing? You¡¯ve never refused, right?¡±


    That was the point.


    ¡°You¡¯re going over alone at night?¡±


    Xichen¡¯s voice does not rise or fall in the slightest, but it is clear he does not want to talk any more about the subject.


    Nian Yi glares at him.


    ¡°You have something to do, so what can I do? I have to go alone. Who would know I would be so unlucky to have a boss who doesn¡¯t like socializing.¡± Then he smiles darkly. ¡°What is it that you have to do? It¡¯s strange, every time you come to France you disappear for half a month.¡±


    Xichen smiles. ¡°Then it¡¯s been a hard night for you.¡±


    Nian Yi waves his hand. ¡°Forget it, I¡¯m too tired to talk to you.¡± He was a veteran in the business world for many years, and had met many people, but this Xichen is a bit of a mystery to him.


    He stands up, rests his hands on the back of his head and walks to the door.


    ¡°It¡¯s hard, it¡¯s hard, I¡¯m always the one who suffers anyway,¡± he says on his way out.


    Xichen returns to the living room and stands in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, staring indifferently into the distance without a trace of emotion in his eyes ¨C or maybe there is, but it¡¯s too deeply hidden.


    Paris is beautiful in the evening, brilliant and glorious, exuding art everywhere.


    ¡°Ann, you¡¯re going out?¡± The slightly taller Russian girl asks, poking her wet head out of the bathroom.


    ¡°Eh.¡± Jian Anjai responds with some carelessness. She picks up her hat from the table and opens the door to go out. She feels the need to wear it out of habit even though the sun is already setting in the west. As she walks down the familiar street she breathes in the air enjoying this time of year. It isn¡¯t cold at all.


    Her slight figure is a little lonely and forlorn in the evening haze, her dark dress set starkly against a pale, almost sickly, plain face.


    ¡°Following the path of that wrong hope, I stepped on thorns, only to know that they were not flowers¡­¡± She recites from Tagore¡¯s Poems.


    The girl¡¯s journey has no particular destination, if she sees street art midway she stops to admire it and then puts change in their tall hats before continuing on her way.


    ¡°Would you like one painted, sir?¡± The street painter with long red hair smiles.


    ¡°Can you paint a landscape?¡± A low voice answers in a somewhat less than proficient French accent.


    ¡°Oh, such a request has not been made yet sir.¡± The painter¡¯s tone is a little surprised but one can hear the eagerness in his tone.


    The man walks to the bridge railing and points to a spot not far away, where a long wooden chair stands amidst silent figures.


    ¡°The view¡­includes people.¡±


    After a while, Jian Anjie stands up from the wooden chair on the riverbank and brushes the cottonwood flakes off her skirt hem. She should go back before they report her late arrival to the hostel manager again and that would be troublesome.

 CH 14

    My wrist was gripped tighter and tighter until I started to feel some pain.


    ¡°Xi Xichen!¡±


    The man looked at me with no words, no movement, but he didn¡¯t let go either.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, what do you want! What is going on in your head?¡±


    I¡¯d never been so loud in my life.


    Finally, he spoke.


    ¡°Disgusted?¡± He suddenly reached out and stroked my cheek with his other hand. I felt a cold chill run through my body, but I was strangely unable to react in the slightest like trying to avoid his touch or smacking the hand that I hated so much. Instead I froze dumbly in place.


    ¡°What are you¡­doing?¡±


    ¡°If that¡¯s the case, then it doesn¡¯t matter if it¡¯s a little more.¡± He suddenly sounded like he¡¯d figured something out, his voice strangely calm. ¡°Come on, don¡¯t you have someone you need to see?¡±


    I gritted my teeth at his self-righteousness.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, you can¡¯t understand human language, can you? Your behaviour is simply¡­simply inexplicable.¡±


    He lowered his eyes and said, ¡°Come on, you¡¯re going to be late.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re unbelievable!¡± I was furious.


    ¡°Then,¡± his eyes darkened, ¡°it¡¯s okay to ignore it.¡±


    If killing someone could be done without going to jail, then I would have killed the man in front of me right then. I glared at him with hatred.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, I don¡¯t want anything to do with you, not before, not now, not ever! I don¡¯t know why you want to mess with me. I¡¯m asking you to stop this nonsense!¡±


    I was about to break free of those hands again when a sudden dizziness hit me, and the next moment I was in infinite darkness.


    I distantly felt someone picking me up and smelled a clean, faintly minty scent.


    I woke up in the hospital, and I smiled bitterly.


    ¡°According to the report, she must have been in a traffic accident before. The accident has done a lot of damage to her bodily functions, and she has a fairly poor system. Getting sick and fainting seems to be a common occurrence, so try to limit this in the future.¡±


    ¡°Awake?¡± Xichen walked a couple steps towards my bed.


    The young physician in the white coat followed him.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine if she¡¯s awake. I tell you she¡¯s fine and you¡¯re still¨C¡±


    ¡°Dr. Lin.¡± Xichen said.


    ¡°Sorry, I¡¯ll shut up.¡±


    Xichen gave him a look. ¡°You can go now.¡±


    The young physician walked to the door, but before closing it behind him, he turned back and said with a smile, ¡°Old classmate, it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen you nervous like this.¡±


    Xichen wrinkled his eyebrows.


    There was a long beat of silence before he finally spoke.


    ¡°How do you feel?¡± His voice was back to the cold tone I was familiar with.


    I turned my head to look out the window, not wanting to say anything.


    ¡°You¡¯ve spent two days in the hospital, you need to rest.¡±


    Two days!?


    I looked back at him, seeing his usual high and mighty expression on his face.


    I sat up and pulled the IV out of my hand, then got out of bed, slipped on my shoes, grabbed my jacket off the back of a chair and opened the door to go out. He didn¡¯t try to stop me.


    ¡°Jian Anjie.¡± I heard someone call out to me just as I stepped out of the hospital building.


    ¡°Pei Kai?¡± I stopped in my tracks, my voice a little wispy.


    Pei Kai jogged over. ¡°Why are you here? Sick again?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± I smiled, thought quickly for a couple of seconds then said, ¡°Pei Kai, can you take me home?¡±


    ¡°Huh? Oh, okay.¡± Pei Kai looked a bit overwhelmed. ¡°Well¡­wait for me, I¡¯ll go and hand in some information.¡± He pointed to the building on his left.


    ¡°Okay.¡± I said.


    I walked to a wooden chair not far away and sat down for a few minutes.


    Pei Kai came back out, ¡°It¡¯s been a long time since I¡¯ve seen you. We can go now.¡±


    I got up. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s no trouble. I was only here to hand in a report and was planning to leave anyway.¡± Pei Kai walked ahead, leading the way.


    His car was a grey commercial vehicle. I pressed my fingers against my temples as I went around to the back seat.


    ¡°I¡¯ll sit in the back.¡± I got in the car and laid down straight away.


    Pei Kai followed me into the car. ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re okay? You don¡¯t look so good.¡±


    ¡°Let me sleep a bit.¡± There was not much strength in my voice.


    ¡°Oh, okay. I¡¯ll let you know when we get there then.¡±


    I heard him talking to Piao Zheng on the phone through a haze, and I sighed softly. It looked like I was going to hear a lot of noise about this later.


    I was shaken awake from my restless daze and opened my eyes to see a familiar face.


    ¡°Hi, Piao Zheng.¡±


    After glaring at me for a long time, my words turned into a helpless sigh, ¡°I don¡¯t even know where to start!¡±


    I got out of the back seat and put my arm around Piao Zheng¡¯s shoulders for support. Turning my head I thanked  Pei Kai.


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    After seeing Pei Kai off, Piao Zheng helped me upstairs.


    ¡°Want something to eat or just go to bed?¡±


    ¡°Sleep, I¡¯m so tired.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll make the bed and you take a bath.¡±


    ¡°En.¡±


    I wasn¡¯t sure how long I slept. At first I kept drifting between drowsiness and wakefulness, with no discernible time frame.Then I felt myself floating and dreaming about something, but every time I tried to focus on what it was about, it would slip away.

 CH 15

    I woke up in the early hours of the morning and couldn¡¯t fall back to sleep, so I stared at the ceiling waiting for dawn.


    ¡°Going back again?¡± Piao Zheng leaned against the door frame with a disapproving look on his face.


    ¡°Eh.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°I have my own reasons.¡± I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on, fumbling a scarf out of my suitcase along the way.


    ¡°Usually your reasons are hard to agree with.¡±


    ¡°Piao Zheng, you¡¯re angry for no reason,¡± I laugh.


    ¡°Two hospital visits in less than five days, is that an acceptable reason?¡±


    I raised my hand, ¡°OK, forget I said that.¡±


    ¡°In other words, what I said before is null and void, right?¡±


    ¡°Hey Piao Zheng! You should consider changing your career, like to a lawyer?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m happy with my current career.¡±


    I stopped what I was doing and sighed helplessly.


    ¡°You know, Piao Zheng, there are some things that I don¡¯t really want others to get involved in.¡±


    Piao Zheng grunted. ¡°I¡¯m honoured that I¡¯ve been promoted to ¡®other¡¯ as you call it.¡±


    ¡°You know that¡¯s not what I meant,¡± I said in an exasperated tone.


    ¡°Good! Then?¡±


    ¡°I am definitely going back.¡±


    I watched Piao Zheng¡¯s back as he turned away in a huff, his mind seemingly troubled with guilt and self-loathing.


    The maid opened the door and I went straight up to the first floor to my room. I found it had been cleaned and the bedding had been replaced with new ones. I was wondering about this when I heard a sound of laughter coming from outside the floor-to-ceiling window to my left. The sound was coming from the direction of the pool and garden.


    I moved to peek out the window and saw Jian Yulin laughing and playing with a large Satsuma dog on the artificial lawn below the balcony, while Xi Xichen was sitting on a wooden chair reading a book. The two were enjoying the rare winter sunshine.


    ¡°Huh? Sister? Sister, Sister, Sister!¡± Jian Yulin was the first to see me. He tilted his head and ran a few steps closer to my window only to be pounced on by the Satsuma dog from behind  before he could take any more steps.


    ¡°Ryder,¡± a soft, low call was all it took and the Satsuma obediently plopped back down onto the grass.


    ¡°Are you hurt?¡± Xichen put down his book and walked over to help Jian Yulin up, his other hand gently patting away the grass clippings now stuck to his cotton coat. Then he looked up, meeting my eyes, and after a short moment gave me a slight nod.


    I frowned, genuinely confused as to what this man was thinking.


    I had always the impression that Xichen was a cold and arrogant person, just like the polite and distant nature he was showing now.


    Why does he always appear in front of me with a condescending posture? It¡¯s clear that he has always been reluctant to have anything to do with me.


    I remembered the first time I saw him, when Shen Qingyu picked him up from the airport to stay with the Jian household. I had gone downstairs as he came in through the entrance door, carrying a duffel bag in his hand. He had been dressed in dark, civilian clothes with the cuffs pulled up, was a little careless in his manner, looked very young, was good looking and indifferent.


    I had intuitively felt that this man was not easy to get close to.


    He¡¯d only greeted my father and then gone to the guest room with the maid to rest. I had stayed standing at the stairway as he passed me.


    For some time afterwards, although we lived under the same roof, we had very little contact. If I was in the study reading a book and he came in, he would nod, take what he needed and leave. Even when we ate at the same table, we seldom interacted. Occasionally, when I went downstairs for breakfast, I would see him sitting at the table reading the newspaper. His tone of voice and behaviour were just the right amount of polite and courteous, but I sensed that he didn¡¯t want to get much closer to me. I always wondered if such people felt they were superior.


    I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever understand him in my lifetime.


    I always did my best to try and avoid Xichen, but I couldn¡¯t deny that every time I stood in front of him, I would subconsciously pay attention to his hands. I still felt afraid of what he might still do to me, because what happened six years ago was still etched into my mind. This man had given me nothing but fear and rejection ¨C I only hoped now that he would keep his distance from me as he had done from the very beginning.


    ¡°Miss Jian, there is a gentleman outside, with the surname Ye, looking for you.¡± The maid said as she knocked on the door and came in.


    Ye..? Ye Lin!


    I shuddered inwardly. I had forgotten all about yesterday¡¯s appointment! Turning around, I quickly ran downstairs, and there at the villa¡¯s front door stood Ye Lin, looking at me through the thin morning mist.


    ¡°Ye Lin!¡± I walked over to him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk to me!¡± His face was grim. ¡°At least for now, I don¡¯t want to hear you talk.¡±


    I clenched my fist as I closed my mouth, then I stood to the side, and waited.


    After a long moment Ye Lin spoke, his tone bitter.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, do you still want me?¡± The voice was almost pleading.


    Although I was already familiar with his unpredictable personality, I was still a bit caught off guard by such an unexpected question.


    He reached out and pulled me into his arms. ¡°Do you still want me?¡±


    I didn¡¯t struggle, I just asked, ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t let go.¡± He buried his head in the crook of my neck. ¡°What if I can¡¯t let go no matter how hard I try? Then what should I do?¡±


    I sighed. His words I understood, and wouldn¡¯t pretend I didn¡¯t.


    ¡°Ye Lin, what do you want me to do?¡±


    Feeling my stiffness, he lifted his head to look at me, his gaze full of obvious pleading.


    ¡°Yelin,¡± I reached out and caressed that pretty cheek, ¡°You want me to come back to you, don¡¯t you? But Ye Lin, you know we can¡¯t go back to the past. You are no longer the same Ye Lin who would shelter me from the rain, and I am no longer the weak and impotent Jian Anjie of old, so whatever I do, whatever you wish me to do, is no longer important.¡±


    His brow slowly furrowed. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Ye Lin, let go of me.¡± I said. Then looking past him I added, ¡°Also, Miss Yang is here to see you.¡±


    Yang Yali was standing across the road.


    ¡°She loves you, at least, more than I do.¡±


    Slowly, he turned his head to meet Yang Yali¡¯s gaze, and in those eyes, there was pain as well as hatred?


    His hand gradually relaxed and then let go.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, yes, if you want to compare ruthlessness, who can compare to you! You are such a bitch, making me look bad one more time!¡± Ye Lin pushed me away with force, his tone cold to the bone. ¡°I won¡¯t come back for you, and I won¡¯t come back to haunt you, so now, you can go back.¡±


    I stood frozen in place for a while, then finally turned around and walked slowly towards the villa gate without looking back, forcing myself not to care about the hatred in his eyes! My limbs were numb, my body was cold, and I could almost feel every cell shaking.


    This time it really was over.


    It was an end to my selfishness and delusions, with clear knowledge that there would be no next time ¨C which was why I started  shedding tears.


    Tears, that was how distant the memory was.


    But, shouldn¡¯t I be glad that at least this time I remembered how I turned away?

 CH 16

    I went and sat down on the door steps in the shade of the trees, not able to stop the sudden onslaught of tears streaming down my face.


    ¡°It¡¯s cold outside, go inside.¡±


    The sudden, cold voice made my body flinch.


    What is this? Is he making fun of me?


    ¡°Come in and have breakfast with me.¡±


    His cold, slow voice had a touch of seriousness to it.


    ¡°You need to eat regularly for your health.¡±


    A regular diet? What kind of joke is this?


    I looked up at Xi Xichen standing a metre away from me. He stared back, his eyes deep with a certain kind of sadness.


    ¡°Go inside,¡± he repeated.


    ¡°Don¡¯t bother me.¡±


    I didn¡¯t want to speak much because I hated the way my voice rasped after I cried, and I especially didn¡¯t want him to hear it.


    Xichen¡¯s expression remained calm as he stood silently watching me. His dark eyes seemed to sink as he replied.


    ¡°As you wish.¡±


    I don¡¯t understand this person, so I won¡¯t spend too much energy thinking about it. After all, I have no desire to be in touch with such people.


    It was late afternoon when the crimson rays of the evening sun woke me up through the grey window screen.


    I vaguely remembered passing out in the back garden. What a weak body.


    ¡°Well¡­¡±


    A sweet child¡¯s voice came from my side, and I turned my head to find Jian Yulin curled up under the covers, sleeping soundly.


    I rubbed my eyes before getting up and going into the washroom. When I came out, the aroma of food was wafting through the room. There was a simple, light dinner on the table.


    Jian Yulin was now sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes as if he had just been woken up.


    ¡°Brother brought in the dinner.¡±


    ¡°And?¡± I smiled.


    ¡°Brother saw sister was up and brought in porridge he¡¯d kept for you.¡± His voice faded towards the end of the sentence as he disappeared back under the bedding.


    ¡°He¡¯s truly free.¡±


    For the next two days, I stayed at the house, feeling peaceful. Strangely, even though I didn¡¯t go out, I never met up with the unusually free Xichen. I wasn¡¯t sure if he was deliberately avoiding me or if it was just coincidental, but it was definitely not a bad thing for me.


    The only downside was I started to get a bit of a headache from enduring two days of Jian Yulin¡¯s pestering. His thought process as a child meant he was completely ignorant of what it meant when someone said no.


    Both mornings, I woke up to find the little boy next to me, shaking his head and sighing. I suspected he had a spare key to my room.


    However, the person I was actually waiting for, Shen Qingyu, still did not show up.


    On the third day I learned that my father was due to return soon, and I decided if he did and Shen Qingyu still didn¡¯t appear, then I wouldn¡¯t wait any longer.


    It would be nice to settle things and apologize before I left, but if it couldn¡¯t be done then I wouldn¡¯t try and force it. If the apology could not be said, then I would have to live with my guilt.


    That afternoon though, Yang Yali unexpectedly appeared at Jian¡¯s house.


    ¡°I¡¯m here to talk to you about him,¡± she said, her face serious.


    I put my coffee cup down, knowing exactly who she was talking about.


    Yang Yali looked at me, clearly not happy with my attitude.


    ¡°Jain Anjie, I really don¡¯t understand what¡¯s going on in your mind.¡±


    I laughed.


    ¡°Sometimes I don¡¯t even know myself, so I don¡¯t expect you to Miss Yang.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to be so cynical. I know I¡¯m not qualified to talk to you, but¡­¡± she paused, ¡°Ye Lin he¨C¡±


    ¡°Miss Yang,¡± I interrupted, ¡°Are you sure we should talk about him?¡±


    There was a clear rejection of me in her eyes that, though she tried to keep hidden, was still quite palpable. She hated me but she still had to sit and talk about things she didn¡¯t want to talk about with me.


    ¡°Ye Lin, he¡¯s in a bad way.¡±


    Since she wanted to talk, I decided to go along with it.


    ¡°You¡¯re not trying to tell me that it¡¯s all because of me, are you?¡±


    ¡°You know the truth in your heart better than anyone, don¡¯t you? Even if you want to deny it to me, you can¡¯t deny it to yourself!¡± She pressed on, seething coldly.


    ¡°Is that so?¡± I added two spoons of cream to my coffee, not minding her outburst.


    ¡°Ye Lin is a model as well as an entertainer, and the media won¡¯t miss a chance to copy, spin or bash him. He¡¯s already pompous in his attitude, and even more so now. He can act unconcerned, but I can¡¯t.¡±


    I frowned, ¡°What exactly are you trying to say, Miss Yang?¡±


    ¡°I admit that you have a great influence on him, just like you did six years ago. Probably even more than that¨C¡±


    Yang Yali stopped abruptly and looked at me as I stirred the cream in my coffee. She frowned. ¡°But with Ye Lin, there can only be me around, and I came to you today, hoping that you will not appear in front of him again, not ever. I know it¡¯s a bit much to ask, but I¡¯m asking you.¡±


    I smiled and took a few sips of my coffee, not saying anything.


    ¡°You¡¯re back, Mr. Xi.¡±


    The maid¡¯s voice came in from the foyer.


    I froze, and surprisingly, so did Yang Yali. I don¡¯t know if I was imagining it, but Yang Yali seemed to fidget a little when she heard the words ¡®Mr. Xi¡¯.


    Xichen walked into the living room, saw me, turned his head to look at the person sitting opposite me, gave her a slight nod of greeting and then walked straight to the staircase.


    Just as his hand brushed the handrail, he stopped again and turned to look at Yang Yali.


    ¡°Miss Yang, if you are not in a hurry to go back, you can stay for dinner.¡±

 CH 17

    Yang Yali naturally did not stay for dinner. She had come to warn me not to steal her man from her, so it would have been a joke if she had stayed for dinner in such a situation.


    However, what puzzled me was the fact that Xi Xichen knew Yang Yali? They seemed to be two completely unconnected people.


    ¡°You know her?¡± I asked anyway as we sat at the dinner table.


    He looked at me and said, ¡°Coincidence.¡±


    Coincidence?


    I stopped making a fool of myself, arranged the napkin in front of me on the table, and then accepted the glass of filtered water from the maid.


    I had stayed to eat dinner because I could already anticipate Jian Yelin¡¯s pestering about why I wasn¡¯t eating with them, and the thought of this child made me want to both laugh and cry.


    ¡°What do you want to know?¡± Xichen continued the conversation a little abruptly.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯re going to answer plainly.¡± I answered, putting down the glass in my hand. ¡°Actually,¡± I continued, ¡°you don¡¯t have to say anything because it¡¯s all none of my business.¡± How he and Yang Yali knew each other or how they met didn¡¯t matter to me. I had only asked because I thought it might have something to do with Ye Lin.


    ¡°Yes?¡± The man across the table¡¯s scrutinizing gaze deepened, but he didn¡¯t speak again.


    A moment later he stood up and righted Jian Yulin who had run down the stairs and into his arms.


    ¡°Next time, don¡¯t run so fast.¡± The tone of his voice was slightly reproachful.


    ¡°Grandma said that my sister is down here.¡± The little boy looked at me with a smile.


    ¡°Come and sit down.¡±


    Jian Yulin said, ¡°Oh,¡± and the next moment pointed to my left hand and exclaimed in surprise, ¡°Sister is using her left hand!¡±


    A long moment passed before I heard my own calm voice, ¡°I can only use my left hand because my right hand is broken.¡±


    Although I was addressing a small child, my words were clearly meant for an adult.


    ¡°He¡¯s still a child.¡± Xi Xichen¡¯s tone was a little cold.


    I looked at him absurdly.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t say he wasn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°You are a really unpleasant girl.¡±


    I hadn¡¯t expected him to say that, and I felt like I had been punched in the chest.


    Discreetly pushing down the unintentional objection that had come up, I snorted, ¡°Xi Xichen, it¡¯s not funny to judge someone you don¡¯t even know!¡±


    ¡°Do you care what I think?¡± He looked at me, asking in a cold manner.


    ¡°Thank you for reminding me, I don¡¯t need to care!¡±


    ¡°Your stubbornness won¡¯t do you much good.¡± He said after a while.


    ¡°It¡¯s not for you to worry about what happens to me.¡± I taunted back nonchalantly. ¡°Do you think I should be softer so that you can be more completely condescending?¡±


    He gave me a look and said, ¡°Now deliberately misinterpreting people¡¯s meanings has become your strength.¡±


    I wondered if there was any sarcasm in his comment.


    I laughed.


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk as if you know me well. What strengths and weaknesses? Mr. Xi, you and I just have that ridiculous blanket of a legal relationship that is slightly more than being strangers.¡±


    Instantly, a hazy coolness crept up on that handsome face, and I paused for a second, wondering what the hardness in his eyes was about at that moment. I couldn¡¯t read him, sometimes. No, in fact, I couldn¡¯t read him at all.


    ¡°What would have happened if that relationship hadn¡¯t existed?¡±


    I frowned.


    ¡°Don¡¯t say things that don¡¯t make sense.¡±


    He looked at me with a complicated look in his eyes. He was silent for a while before finally saying quietly, ¡°Jian Anjie, how could you not understand?¡±


    I quickly answered, ¡°I don¡¯t think we need to waste time on such inexplicable issues.¡±


    ¡°You think this is a moot point?¡± His expression began to look dark and suspicious.


    The maid came over to refill the food and the conversation stopped there. I looked down and took a sip of my overly sweet coffee, slowly regaining my calm and indifference.


    I looked sideways and saw Jian Yulin staring at me.


    What a beautiful child, I couldn¡¯t help thinking.


    What was hard to understand was why he liked me and for no reason at all. Not to mention the fact that I had never met him before, and then even the few moments I¡¯d spent with him, I hadn¡¯t pretended to try to know him.


    ¡°Young Master Jian, stop looking at me and be a good boy and eat, will you?¡± I coaxed him as calmly as I could.


    Jian Yulin immediately dropped his head.


    ¡°Oh, sister.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s your brother.¡±


    ¡°Brother, it¡¯s my fault.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a brother.¡± I turned my eyes back to meet those calm, cold, dark eyes. Just because I didn¡¯t hate Jian Yulin didn¡¯t mean I could accept this younger brother without a hitch.


    Neither of them said anything, and Jian Yulin, who was also aware of the unusual atmosphere, did not dare to interrupt again, hanging his head even lower.


    I decided to get up, as the meal had become hard to swallow.


    ¡°What exactly are you afraid of?¡± Xichen followed suit and stood up.


    ¡°Afraid?¡± I stood still, ¡°Forgive my ignorance, but I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about?¡±


    He walked around the table towards me and I shuddered inwardly, my voice stiffening.


    ¡°By the way, I¡¯m afraid of you aren¡¯t I?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re afraid of Yu Yan.¡± He stepped forward.


    I closed my eyes tightly.


    ¡°Heh, very good point.¡±


    ¡°Jian Anjie.¡±


    ¡°Very good indeed!¡±


    My tone sank, ¡°Xi Xichen, you make me feel attacked every time we interact.¡±


    ¡°Do you really feel that?¡± It wasn¡¯t the first time he had asked that.


    I sneered, ¡°You can keep targeting me all the time, it¡¯s okay.¡±


    ¡°You think I¡¯m targeting you all the time?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you? Is it possible that Mr. Xi is still being gracious to me?¡±


    I met his inexplicably sad eyes with a mocking look, then suddenly laughed.


    ¡°Nothing to say? Oh yes, Xi Xichen, I have nothing to say to you in the first place!¡± I turned around and left the dining room.


    My chest felt tight. It seemed like this person and I were destined to be at each other¡¯s throats every time we met, but it didn¡¯t matter, because I didn¡¯t care.

 CH 18

    It doesn¡¯t mean you can ignore him. Xichen is not a person to be ignored, he¡¯s too good at hiding his true intent. His nature is cold but scheming and he portrays an air of authority on the outside. He¡¯s basically the ¡®pride of heaven¡¯ and the world is always willing to follow his will because they see him as so good and perfect.


    Such a man doesn¡¯t need anything at all from me. I¡¯m not a fool, I can see his repeated approaches wouldn¡¯t make sense if he was just trying to embarrass me.


    But if my suspicions are correct and he is actually trying to change his relationship with me, if there was a certain factor happening ¨C which I absolutely refuse to put a name to ¨C how then can the situation be grasped and steered?


    The simple, hard truth is that Jian Anjie and Xi Xichen will never be able to live in peace. There¡¯s nothing to do but reject him, a rejection tinged with disgust and hatred.


    The solution is pretty obvious, isn¡¯t it? I don¡¯t even need to divert from my original path, all I have to do is just stick to the rules.


    ¡°Sister.¡±


    The familiar, curt voice interrupted my confused thoughts and I turned around to see the child dive under the covers in his full clothing.


    I stepped back into the room from the balcony. ¡°If I tell you sis wants some peace and quiet, would you go outside and play for a while?¡±


    He shook his head as expected.


    I waved my hand and walked out of the room. I passed a couple of maids cleaning, on my downstairs, and casually asked, ¡°Where¡¯s Xi Xichen?¡±


    ¡°Mr. Xi has gone back to his room.¡±


    I glanced in the direction of the first floor before going into the kitchen to get a bottle of mineral water and three pills. I tossed the pills back and swallowed them all with one gulp.


    ¡°Old Mr. Jian will be back tomorrow and instructed Miss to stay at home if she can,¡± said a maid.


    ¡°Got it.¡±


    Rubbing my forehead I took two steps back upstairs before turning back to the maid.


    ¡°Actually, you don¡¯t have to call me Miss.¡±


    When I got to the first floor I couldn¡¯t help but stop and look at the closed door, wondering if it was possible to ask him to help carry Jian Yulin out of my room after the way we¡¯d talked to each other at the dinner table.


    Not to mention the other thing¡­


    I thought for a moment before marching to Xi Xichen¡¯s door, and after a second¡¯s pause, I knocked three times. It took a while before the door opened.


    I froze, because apparently, he had just come out of the bathroom.


    He was only wearing a pair of black trousers.


    His upper body was completely naked and his black hair was messy and damp. This look was so different compared to his usual strict image. It was more than unrestrained, it was sexy and frankly, very, very uncomfortable for me. I guess I really didn¡¯t come at the right time.


    He must have been surprised to see me as well, because he immediately turned around and walked to the edge of his bed where he grabbed and pulled on his white shirt.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± He asked.


    ¡°Jian Yulin is in my room.¡±


    The meaning couldn¡¯t have been clearer, and I was sure he got it too.


    ¡°Can we talk for a minute?¡± He asked instead.


    I paused slightly before turning away. ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s anything to talk about between us.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Ye Lin is an artist under Meishang, I think you¡¯ve heard of it.¡±


    I stopped.


    ¡°In the near future¡­¡± Xichen seemed to be trying to figure out how best to express himself. It was almost like he was suppressing a sudden bitterness, and he finished with, ¡°he could be in a lot of trouble.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know that Mr. Xi also loves to meddle in showbiz matters.¡±


    After a pause, he said, ¡°Meishang is my company.¡±


    I was stunned. It seemed I really was ignorant. I turned around and met his eyes across the short distance, ¡°Why are you telling me this?¡± I asked pointedly.


    ¡°You¡¯ll want to know.¡±


    ¡°Then thanks a lot for your self-righteousness .¡±


    ¡°Jian Anjie, if we give each other a chance, we can get along.¡±


    Get along with each other?


    I turned around to head back to my room, not wanting to hear any more of his inexplicable words. But before I could take two steps Xi Xichen had already come round and blocked my way. His expression was unprecedentedly complicated, with a certain kind of melancholy that looked too thick to melt.


    ¡°The deadline of the crime that I have been convicted of, what is it? What is the deadline?¡±


    I took a deep breath, my heart contracting at the sudden and unusual gaze. The sudden irregular heart rate made me feel a bit suffocated.


    ¡°Who is capable of convicting Mr. Xi?¡±


    ¡°There is one person, Jian Anjie! You know, you always have!¡± His half-lidded eyes were dark and uncertain, with a flickering of hidden danger.


    Before I could blink, cold lips swept over me and my breath was completely taken away.


    I gasped for air as a delicate tongue invaded my mouth aggressively, bringing with it a fresh, minty taste that flooded my sensory system. It was not a simple, shallow taste, but instead a sucking, plundering, frantic and paranoid kiss.


    His right hand slipped into my hair to clamp down on my struggle as the kiss gradually deepened. My mind went blank as the force on my waist increased and my body was pressed harder against that hot body.


    ¡°Miss Jian, Mr. Xi, you¨C¡±


    I don¡¯t know how we ended the kiss, I was in a state of absolute confusion. And what I hated the most was the fact that I was able to push Ye Lin away after his forced kiss, but I hadn¡¯t been able to with him!


    ¡°Lin Ma, please go to Miss Jian¡¯s room and bring Yu Yan out.¡±


    I heard his low voice through a haze and realized that while it had returned to its usual, cold slow tone, it now carried a hint of darkness in it.


    I felt him take my hand and I looked up at him with a start. His eyes locked firmly onto mine, looking choppy and unfathomable.


    My rapid breathing had subsided, but my heart was still beating wildly. I shook him off violently and ran downstairs, out into the garden. The temperature outside was below zero, and I only wore a thin sweater, but I didn¡¯t feel cold at all.


    When I was young, Ye Lin and I had seldom kissed, and on the occasional time we did, our lips had only touched gently.


    However, Xi Xichen was¡­


    I had always thought he was a restrained and rational person, but this turned out not to be the case. I felt a wry smile inevitably cross my lips. He had now completely blurred the clear, distinct line we had between us.


    Xi Xichen liked me? This was really the funniest thing I had ever encountered.

 CH 19

    The moment the thought crossed my mind, the lights at the Jian Estate turned on and I saw a black car turn into the driveway. I stood still among the flowers as I saw two people step out of the vehicle. It seemed my father had returned from his trip, with one added factor ¨C Shen Qingyu had returned with him.


    Half an hour later, I walked into the living room to find Jian Zhenlin sitting, immersed in a phone call. To his side was a buxom, mature woman holding and teasing Jian Yulin. The years had not left the slightest trace on her face, and her features remained beautiful and refined.


    My father saw me come in and ended the call. ¡°Xiao Jie.¡±


    He hesitantly walked over to me, stumbling over his words as he searched for the right thing to say.


    ¡°I just asked Lin Ma where you¡¯d gone. How can you run outside in such cold weather? Were you with someone?¡±


    I stayed quiet, waiting.


    Jian Zhenlin glanced at Shen Qingyu. ¡°Your Auntie Shen had been in Singapore for some time now, so she came back with me. You and your aunt haven¡¯t seen each other for six years, so it is inevitable that you would be a little unfamiliar with each other. Hopefully you will now have more time to get along.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but. She and I have never been familiar with each other.


    ¡°Anjie.¡± Shen Qingyu finally spoke up, and smiled as she walked over. ¡°I heard from your father that you were back. I wanted to come back to see you, but I couldn¡¯t find the time so I put it off until now. Coincidentally, it was the same day as your father¡¯s return. Anyway, Anjie, welcome home. I will be here all day tomorrow, so we can have a nice talk.¡±


    I nodded slightly. ¡°I¡¯ll go on up now if there is nothing else.¡±


    I brushed past the man standing near the handrail as I walked upstairs.


    Closing my room door behind me, I immediately felt the need to be unburdened of my defences and exhaustion, so I shuffled to the bathroom, filled the tub with hot water, slid in naked and submerged myself completely under.


    The next day I woke up at two in the afternoon and after getting ready, made my way downstairs fully dressed. I had intended to go out, but halted completely in my tracks when I saw Xi Xichen on T.V.


    ¡°We are very honoured to have Mr Xi Xichen, the CEO of Xi¡¯s, on this edition of Celebrity magazine.¡± The hostess received a round of applause.


    Sitting on a single sofa opposite her was Xi Xichen. He made an objective and pertinent comment as he sat in a well-tailored, solid black suit that helped to outline his figure in a handsome and distinguished manner. His slender, folded legs, elegance and calm, coupled with a touch of light between his eyebrows, led to an aura of added mystery to his persona.


    ¡°Our program group has invited many successful entrepreneurs, but I dare say, Mr. Xi, you are the youngest and most handsome entrepreneur ever invited. As far as I know, you have not yet reached the age of thirty?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Xi Xichen replied very concisely.


    ¡°You have a great achievement at such a young age, which is really admirable.¡±


    ¡°My father, the founder of Xi¡¯s Holdings, is a very dedicated entrepreneur. I just play on the platform he gave me.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Xi is really too humble. As far as we know, Xi¡¯s Holdings Co., Ltd. has developed rapidly in the past five years. Mr. Xi must have a unique and correct insight into the management of enterprises.¡±


    The host then asked some questions about business management and his philosophy. Xi Xichen answered it all in a proper manner.


    Towards the end, the hostess smiled and stood up to face the audience. ¡°So let¡¯s respond to the needs of the audience, basically the female audience, and ask Mr. Xi some personal questions.¡± Immediately, he received a round of applause and enthusiastic agreement.


    Xichen nodded his head with considerable poise.


    ¡°Maybe people will think my question is too direct, but, may I ask if Mr Xi is married?¡± Not surprisingly, there was another round of applause.


    Xichen paused for a moment before answering, ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Still one of the single aristocrats, indeed!¡± The hostess put on a heartfelt pose, then suddenly seemed to think of something and pretended to be shocked, ¡°Don¡¯t tell me, Mr. Xi, you plan to be a single person forever?¡±


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll get married.¡± He said.


    The hostess immediately pounced. ¡°I think that our single, female audience with us here and in front of the TV will express envy and jealousy of that lady. I wonder if I can ask Mr. Xi to reveal a little bit about who this future Mrs. Xi is?¡°¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d like to, but I don¡¯t think she would like me talking about her.¡±


    ¡°Having never been on this type of show before, it¡¯s a tour de force.¡± Somehow Shen Qingyu had ended up standing behind me. ¡°If he wasn¡¯t forced to go, he¡¯d be too lazy to care.¡±


    She looked at me with a smile as I turned to her. ¡°Next time you have the chance, how about you also go on to help support Auntie¡¯s radio station?¡±


    Without waiting for my answer, she continued, ¡°But, since when does Xichen have a girl in his sights?¡±


    I took a deep breath, and then slowly said, ¡°The accident that year, my father and your nephew thought I had done it on purpose.¡±


    Shen Qingyu¡¯s face stilled. ¡°We don¡¯t need to talk of the past. Let¡¯s forget about it and look forward to a pleasant future together.¡±


    I chuckled. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I just want to tell you that I have always felt guilty I didn¡¯t catch you and let your child die. But that accident was not my fault, you understand. So please, tell your dead child not to come to me again.¡±


    She gaped at me in shock, and I quickly left before she could say anything.


    I ran upstairs to pack my luggage, but my stomach twisted as soon as I entered the room, and I ran to the washroom sink, vomiting up clear water.


    I had to see a psychiatrist in France because of the nightmares that haunted at night.

 CH 20

    The first time I saw her was on the lush pathway of the secondary school, a quiet and collected girl. Her grey cotton sportswear framed an overly white face, her long hair reached her waist, and she was holding a bouquet of lilies in her hands. The early summer breeze blows gently, and the alabaster petals flutter, softly brushing her cheeks.


    That night, those petals had sprinkled every corner of his dreams.


    He later learned that her name was Jian Anjie, a name that became forever engraved into his heart.


    ¡°Xichen, what are you looking at, so lost in thought?¡± The voice of his best friend beside him interrupts his thoughts.


    ¡°Who is he?¡± he asks.


    ¡°Oh, the new kid on the block? His name¡¯s Ye Lin. He¡¯s a good-looking guy who acts out. And the girl next to him is?¡±


    ¡°Gone.¡± The cold, slow voice sounds surprisingly a little angry.


    When she was beside this boy named Ye Lin, she would become amused, angry, blushing, frowning ¨C a myriad of dazzling expressions ¨C and they all made him become confused and annoyed.


    ¡°Xichen, are you in love?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± His friend¡¯s sudden question causes his breath to momentarily hitch.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been acting very abnormal lately. I¡¯ve always been curious about what an over-aged, stable, self-disciplined and extremely intelligent person like yourself would be like when he falls in love.


    ¡°Now it seems like you¡¯re distracted, unsettled and kind of sinister, heh, a bit different from the norm but not far off from the usual moods love brings. But what I¡¯m more curious about is, which goddess is so capable of making our iceberg prince Xi Xichen fall for her? Hey, there should be quite a few waifs who are about to have their hearts broken, right?¡±


    It was so obvious to outsiders that he had become so utterly confused and was losing control, over a girl. Even he found his behavior a bit strange. So he hid his first heart palpitation into the innermost layers of his heart, along with her name.


    After finishing his studies at home he left to study in America, thinking that they would never cross paths again.


    Three years later, he returned home to attend Aunt Shen¡¯s wedding, only to meet her again! She was dressed in a small, pure white dress, and was sitting quietly on a wooden chair in the front row of the auditorium, her ethereal eyes as clear as still water.


    He thought he had forgotten about her, but the tide of his love showed him that not only had he not forgotten, but the feelings he had kept hidden for so many years had become even more violent and uncontrollable than before.


    But as fate would have it, she became his legal cousin. For the next four months he lived in Jian¡¯s house, intruding on her life.


    He saw her finish a book of Tagore¡¯s poems in the garden; he saw her utterly unguarded serenity when she first woke up in the morning; he saw her padding around the study, struggling to get a book off the top shelf; he saw her sitting on the balcony with her headphones on, staring into the distance.


    He knew her as much as anyone living under the same roof would know her.


    And yet they barely ever talked. The few times they passed each other, she acted like a stranger, cold and distant, and he was not very good at breaking that divide.


    Until that day. It was a terrible day!


    When he heard Auntie Shen¡¯s screams, he rushed out of his room only to see Jian Anjie crouching at the top of the stairs, shaking helplessly, while Auntie Shen was at the bottom of the stairs lying next to a shocking pool of blood.


    He had gotten so mad, he didn¡¯t know what came over him.


    He¡¯d run over and pulled her up shouting, ¡°What have you done?!¡±


    His hand had struck that pale cheek!


    He suddenly saw the pair of vacant, lifeless eyes, with tears dripping from them and the blood beginning to seep from the corners of her mouth.


    She had been afraid. She hadn¡¯t meant to do it. She¡¯d needed someone to soothe her, even a little.


    He¡¯d felt a sudden, unprecedented wave of fear wash over him, as if a hand of destruction had come out of nowhere to annihilate him, to destroy him, forever.


    The next day she had been sent to France.


    He¡¯d sat after that in a dimly lit bar drinking a glass of wine strong enough to burn a man.


    ¡°Xichen, that¡¯s enough, you¡¯re practically abusing yourself!¡±


    ¡°Really? That¡¯s not so bad then.¡± His bitter, low voice reflected an inner, all-consuming pain.


    ¡°What is wrong with you? Why are you out of control all of a sudden!¡±


    ¡°Punch me in the face.¡±


    ¡°What!?¡±


    ¡°I said, punch me in the face.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re crazy!¡± The person beside him couldn¡¯t believe what he was hearing.


    ¡°Heh, yeah, I think I¡¯m crazy too. You know, I hit her? I can¡¯t believe I hit her!¡±


    He squeezed the glass and it shattered, instantly piercing his skin. A stream of blood ran down his wrist and dripped down, staining the polished ground red.

 CH 21

    Lin Xiaodi shoved a paper bag into my hand. ¡°I heard that you were leaving, so I came back from Taiwan for a second trip. I don¡¯t know when I¡¯ll be able to see you again.¡±


    ¡°What is this?¡±


    ¡°A gift.¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡±


    She paused for a moment. ¡°Will you be back?¡±


    ¡°No, not again.¡±


    I set the bag aside on the seat and took a sip from my coffee.


    Lin Xiaodi sighed. ¡°Anjie, you know, you¡¯re the unhappiest girl I¡¯ve ever met.¡±


    I looked down, smiled and continued stirring my coffee in my white porcelain cup.


    ¡°So, Anjie, you must learn to be happy and happy and happy.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Di.¡±


    It¡¯s just that Di¡¯s form of happiness isn¡¯t so easy to understand.


    When I left the cafe, I found the sky had gone cloudy, accompanied by a cold wind laden with dead branches and leaves. The sky looked grey and depressing, and I wondered if there was some winter rain on the way.


    When I reached the Jian family home, the maid opened the door.


    ¡°Miss, Mr. Jian is waiting for you in his study.¡±


    I handed her the gift from Lin Xiaodi as I asked, ¡°Did he say what it was about?¡±


    ¡°No, only that Miss is invited up when she arrives.¡±


    ¡°Got it.¡±


    I climbed the stairs and crossed the long empty corridor. When I reached the door of the study, I stood there for a moment, gathering myself, before I finally knocked on the door.


    ¡°Come in.¡±


    My father, Shen Qingyu, and even Xi Xichen were all inside. My father and Shen Qingyu were standing in front of the mahogany table discussing something quietly, while Xi Xichen sat to their side with his head down. His slightly messy bangs were covering part of his face, forming shadows on his eyelids that created a deep and puzzling look.


    ¡°Anjie, here you are. We were waiting for you.¡± Shen Qingyu smiled and took a few steps towards me.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡± Such an atmosphere made me feel uneasy for no reason, as if something was brewing.


    ¡°There is something, but it¡¯s a good thing!¡± Shen Qingyu laughed.


    ¡°Little Jie, dad wants to tell you something.¡± Jian Zhenlin¡¯s voice was overly hard, which made me feel even more wary.


    Jian Zhenlin walked over to me and handed me a photo of a decent looking man. ¡°This is Mr. Cheng Qijun.¡±


    I squinted at the photo, then looked up quickly. There was a treacherous look in Jian Zhenlin¡¯s eyes.


    A wave of pain swept over me. The loathing in my chest spread out extremely fast, and my heart felt as if it had been viciously torn open, with bright red blood gurgling out. The photo slipped out of my hand and my fingers slowly formed into a fist with my nails digging into my palm.


    Xiaodi, happiness never comes to me freely.


    ¡°Xiao Jie, I just want to do something for you, I want to make it up to you.¡± Jian Zhenlin¡¯s voice sounded old and dry. ¡°I hope for someone who can take care of you and love you. Mr. Cheng Qijun is a straightforward person of high status and he has a successful career. He is perfect for you.¡±


    Disgusting¡­.


    ¡°Little Jie, you do not need to worry and do not think absurdly. Mr. Cheng would be very fond of you, even though you are seven years apart. An old husband and young wife relationship can last longer.


    ¡°If you agree, I will mention it to Mr. Cheng tomorrow. Little Jie, you have to trust your father, I won¡¯t harm you, I¡¯m doing this for your own good, for your future.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s enough!¡±


    If I had been smarter, I wouldn¡¯t have hoped for anything in the first place. Let¡¯s end it, let¡¯s end it, let¡¯s end it all! Just because I didn¡¯t want revenge on the Jian family, that doesn¡¯t mean they¡¯ll give up hurting and trampling on me over and over again!


    ¡°Little Jie?¡±


    I looked at the father who was talking about ¡°making it up¡± to me.


    ¡°What a great father, to go out of his way to recall his daughter who was kicked out of the house six years ago for the sake of his business. Mr. Cheng Qijun, right?¡±


    I leaned down and picked up the photo at my feet.


    ¡°A dignitary, huh. Look at me, what can you see? The picture¡¯s appearance, the broken body, father, did you tell him that this daughter of yours has tried to commit suicide? Did you tell him that this daughter of yours is crippled in her right hand!¡±


    ¡°Sh¨C what?!¡±


    I gently brushed the dust off the photo.


    ¡°For my own good, for my future? What a lovely excuse, what touching words. Why don¡¯t you just say that you want to use me to help you gain greater benefits? Wouldn¡¯t you at least maybe be sincere then? In fact, I wouldn¡¯t feel as sick as I do now. Maybe I would even be compelled to help you in turn.¡±


    Maybe.


    ¡°An¨C Anjie, what did you just say¡­? You are a cripple¡­?¡± Shen Qingyu came over and tried to take my hand.


    I shook her off.


    ¡°Get lost, don¡¯t touch me! Shen Qingyu, you obviously secretly love to tear me apart, but you have to outwardly put on a kind face. Who are you acting for, aren¡¯t you tired?!¡±


    Shen Qingyu looked a little nervous.


    ¡°Anjie, back then, when I pointed at you and called you a murderer, that was my fault. Your auntie at that time, at that time¨C¡±


    ¡°No, that child, it was me who killed it.¡± I sneered, ¡°That child was my fault. But, Shen Qingyu, you don¡¯t have to give me that look, it¡¯s disgusting! The only thing I owe is that life! As I said, it was my fault, but I don¡¯t think I owe you anything!¡±


    One by one, I glanced at the people in front of me, my shocked father, Shen Qingyu who was looking at me incredulously, and Xi Xichen who was sitting on the sofa with his head hanging. ¡°I don¡¯t owe any of you guys anything!¡±


    ¡°Xiao Jie, don¡¯t be like this.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be like what? Did you think you could all unite, and try to use me as a bargaining chip in a political marriage, and I would keep quiet?! I¡¯m sorry, but I¡¯m not the same Jian Anjie! I will no longer be weak and powerless enough to allow you to throw me away and use me!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not true, Jie. Dad really just wants to find the right person for you who can take care of you for the rest of your life.¡±


    ¡°Funny! I¡¯ve taken care of myself for six years and I¡¯m still alive. There¡¯s no reason why I should have to find someone to suppress me now!¡±


    ¡°Little Jie, why do you have to be so paranoid?¡± Jian Zhenlin¡¯s body trembled like a withered leaf in a gust of cold wind. ¡°Also, what is going on with your body? Why is your right hand crippled?¡±


    ¡°Dad, I really want to¨Cto¨C to kill you sometimes!¡±


    Ha! Such cheap and hypocritical words will now only add to that hatred.


    Jian looked at me in dismay and anguish.


    I hadn¡¯t expected this all to end early, or in this way, but it was fine.


    I walked up to Jian Zhenlin, took out the credit card that had been in my pocket and threw it to the ground.


    ¡°Here¡¯s your money back, every penny of it.¡±


    I turned to leave, my back straight, carrying the last of my pride, proving that this time Jian Anjie was not being driven out of the Jian family.


    I walked out of the corridor and through the front door, letting the cold rain beat down on my body. Numbly, I walked through the garden and pulled open the iron door.


    I was sure this time, it was really over for good.


    ¡°Little Jie, be a good girl. Daddy has bought the estate in Deeping and we¡¯re moving there tomorrow, okay?¡±


    ¡°Mum, why do you want to plant bamboo in the garden?¡±


    ¡°Because book bamboo represents the eternity of the four seasons.¡±


    ¡°Little Jie¡¯s room is beautiful.¡±


    ¡°Piao Zheng, it¡¯s pink.¡±


    ¡°Do you like the balcony very much?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I like it, I can see very far away.¡±


    ¡°Little Jie, this art room is a gift from Daddy, do you like it?¡±


    ¡°Little Jie paints beautiful pictures.¡±


    ¡°Mum, I love this place, I really do, can I stay here forever?¡±


    The rain slid down my cheeks and I felt cold to the bone.


    ¡°I am so tired, really tired, Piao Zheng. Take me away from here.¡±


    The words were broken, and I finally collapsed into the arms of the man standing in the rain.

 CH 22

    It was now April in Paris and the weather was mild and pleasant. It had been six months since I¡¯d gone back, and my mood was finally settled. In the end, my mother hadn¡¯t been able to come see me. She probably hadn¡¯t wanted to see me anyway seeing as how I had been a disappointment to her since childhood.


    I had called and let her know I would not be going to Shanghai, and would instead go directly to France.


    My mother¡¯s response had been predictable. ¡°Have a safe journey.¡±


    In the past, I¡¯d always wanted everyone¡¯s acceptance, but I decided I didn¡¯t want to be like that anymore. Now I don¡¯t ask for extra information, I don¡¯t ask if people like me, I don¡¯t need others to defend me. All I ask for is peace of mind.


    Painting helped give me that peace of mind.


    One Saturday morning I took my easel and painting equipment to the courtyard of an old Gothic style church, and sat down to paint. Near the church was an old primary school and some students  came out to play. A few children came over to play near me, but not close enough to disturb me.


    There were also several couples who had spread out their tablecloths on the grass to enjoy the rare sunny day.


    After two hours of painting, my right hand could no longer hold the palette and I had to stop halfway through the painting to take a short break.


    When I first came to France, I studied painting after my mandatory one year of language study. Because I¡¯d started to paint from the age of six, I had learnt the basics and it was something I enjoyed.


    But then in my sophomore year I couldn¡¯t use my right hand anymore, and so I transferred to a major in media. Specifically, television ads.


    I had only been able to study painting in France for a year and a half.


    Because film and television advertising were also part of the art department, it was not a huge leap to make, but I regretted not being able to paint anymore. My condition had stopped me from being able to follow a career in something I loved.


    When I returned to my dormitory in the afternoon, Mrs. Madan beckoned me over from a distance, her dry hair flying in the wind and her waxen face glistening in the sun.


    She waited for me to walk up to her, before she said, ¡°Anastasia my dear, someone is looking for you. He is an Oriental just like you, and he looks very beautiful! He¡¯s been waiting for you all morning outside behind the dormitory.¡±


    I didn¡¯t know any Oriental men very well here, and the ones I did were only ones I nodded to as I walked past. I definitely didn¡¯t know anyone well enough to come looking for me.


    ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Madan.¡±


    As I headed to the back of the dormitory, I wondered who it could be.


    My eyes widened in surprise when I saw Ye Lin standing on the lawn with his back against a tree. He was dressed in clean, white, civilian clothes, and his slightly long hair had been cut short making him look much more refreshed.


    He raised his head as I walked towards him.


    ¡°When did you come to France?¡±


    I realized with a jolt that I had approached him calmly and spoken first. Perhaps I really had let go of everything.


    ¡°Yesterday.¡±


    ¡°Oh, as part of Fashion Week?¡± As I said this, I realized that Paris Fashion Week had already happened in March.


    Ye Lin looked at me for a while before he said lightly, ¡°Are you free? Can you join me for a meal?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I said, ¡°But I have to go put my stuff down first.¡±


    I pointed to the drawing board behind me.


    ¡°I¡¯ll wait for you.¡±


    I smiled and nodded.


    When I reached my room, my Singaporean roommate was sitting on a chair tuning her guitar. Her Chinese name was Liang Aiwen, but she used the name Amelia. We usually conversed in Chinese.


    ¡°Ann, someone came looking for you this morning. He waited for a long time.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I went into the washroom to clean the paint that had gotten onto my hands.


    My roommate seemed to relish the conversation. ¡°Did you see him?¡±


    ¡°Yea.¡±


    ¡°I thought he¡¯d gone. Honestly, he¡¯s really handsome. Is he a relative?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    Feeling a bit chagrined that my sleeves had also gotten stained with paint, I walked to my wardrobe and pulled out a woollen jacket,before going back into the washroom.


    ¡°Boyfriend?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    I didn¡¯t usually like these kinds of probing questions, but I answered anyway.


    ¡°Ha, Ann, give me his phone number!¡±


    When I got changed and came out of the washroom, Amelia was standing in front of the door with a pen and paper, looking excited.


    ¡°Since he¡¯s not your boyfriend, it¡¯s okay for me to pursue, right?¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but laugh and I reminded her rather practically, ¡°He¡¯ll probably be back in China soon.¡±


    ¡°Distance is not an issue.¡± She waved her hand indifferently.


    I hadn¡¯t expected her to say that.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know his number.¡±


    Amelia frowned, muttering ¡°But he was a prince in a black suit¡­.¡±


    A black suit?


    That didn¡¯t make sense. Ye Lin was wearing white. Where did the black suit come from?


    I shook my head, denying the tendril of suspicion forming in my heart.


    I took Ye Lin to an Italian restaurant not far from the university.


    ¡°The food at this restaurant is pretty good,¡± I said.


    ¡°Come here often?¡±


    ¡°I used to work here.¡±


    Taking a sip of my drink, I asked, ¡°Are you staying long in Paris?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m only here for two days.¡± His face reflected in the dim light looked a little sombre.


    ¡°It¡¯s a busy few days for me, otherwise I¡¯d show you around Paris.¡± I said honestly.


    There was a period of silence as neither of us spoke for the next few moments.


    Then, he broke the silence with, ¡°I¡¯m getting married.¡±


    I felt slightly taken aback.


    ¡°Mmm,¡± I stirred the spaghetti on my plate, ¡°congratulations then.¡±


    ¡°Jian Anjie, the last thing I want from you is this congratulations.¡±


    Ye Lin looked at me with a stubborn expression in his eyes.


    ¡°But, Ye Lin, all I can give is this congratulations.¡±


    He suddenly pressed his hand to his forehead and laughed.


    ¡°You really don¡¯t care about me anymore.¡± He looked at me. ¡°Don¡¯t be afraid, I won¡¯t be coming to pester you again, but I just wanted to be able to come once. I wanted to come many times before, but I couldn¡¯t. And now that I can, it¡¯s too late.


    ¡°My parents are drunkards and gamblers. That year that you left for France, I wondered, how much does it cost to go abroad? Five hundred thousand? One million? At the time I didn¡¯t even have fifty dollars and we owed thousands to so many people.¡±


    I stared at him. ¡°I had no idea¡­¡±


    ¡°Of course you didn¡¯t know, I wasn¡¯t going to go crying to my girlfriend.¡±


    He called to a waiter passing by.


    ¡°Get me a bottle of wine, I want to celebrate sitting and having dinner in France with the one I love.¡±


    He was speaking in Chinese though. I apologized to the waiter and tried to get Ye Lin to stop talking, but he refused.


    ¡°Give me a bottle of wine, don¡¯t you understand!¡±


    ¡°Okay, stop making trouble.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not making trouble, I just want to celebrate. Am I not allowed to celebrate?¡±


    Leaving me with no choice, I asked the waiter to bring us a bottle of wine, then sat and watched him drain glass after glass.


    After half the bottle was gone, I stopped him. ¡°It¡¯s gonna be okay.¡±


    Ye Lin leaned his head onto the table.


    ¡°I feel like you grew up, but I stayed in our teen years.¡±


    He stayed silent after that for so long, I wondered if he¡¯d fallen asleep. I gently touched his forehead.


    I¡¯d spent my purest years with him, and I never regretted that. But the long river of time had come between us and we were both now burdened with unavoidable difficulties.


    I got him into a taxi with the help of the waiter. Fortunately, he had his hotel card on him, and I was able to get him back safely. It was early morning when I left Ye Lin.


    I will think of you as a spirit who came into my life six years ago, and I will remove all the grey areas and keep only those six pure years for you, so that in the future, when I think of you, I will smile and be satisfied.

 CH 23

    After parting from Ye Lin, I walked back to school alone. There were not many people walking around the campus at seven o¡¯clock in the morning, so I picked the usual path towards the dormitory.


    There¡¯s a saying that says, Meet the right person at the right time, or the wrong person at the wrong time.


    I think I belong to the latter, because at this moment, Xi Xichen was unexpectedly standing in the first floor lobby, waiting for me.


    Is France a popular destination now!? Everyone seems to be coming!


    ¡°Back?¡± he asked, his tone calm.


    I didn¡¯t want to see this man at all, I didn¡¯t even want to think about him.


    He was part of my unbearable memories, and every time I left in a mess, he seemed to be a witness to all my humiliations.


    I walked past him with complete indifference.


    ¡°Why are you always so stubborn?¡± he asked.


    If I¡¯m stubborn, what do I call you who¡¯s followed me all the way to France?


    ¡°You¡¯ve met Ye Lin?¡± There was a hint of doubt in his low voice.


    I looked up a little angrily.


    ¡°Yes. I don¡¯t think I need to report my whereabouts while I¡¯m in France to Mr. Xi, do I?¡± He was putting me under inexplicable pressure. I turned around to go.


    ¡°Jian Anjie!¡± Xi Xichen took my arm, somewhat indignantly but helplessly at the same time. ¡°Why do you just run away every single time?¡±


    Even though I didn¡¯t want to care anymore, his words were still able to get to me. He knew how to make me feel uncomfortable.


    I turned around and looked at him, ¡°Xi Xichen, what on earth do you want me to do? People must know how to stop, I no longer disturb you, so please don¡¯t disturb me again!¡±


    I escaped from his hold and scampered to my dorm, not bothering to look back.


    What the hell just happened?


    When I closed the door of my dormitory room, I exhaled out a long breath.


    After a quick swipe of water over my face, I climbed into bed, only to hear Liang Aiwen speak in the dark.


    ¡°Do you feel like talking?¡± She turned on the light before I could answer, turned and sat up, making a lot of noise. ¡°I saw him again in the afternoon.¡±


    I instantly knew who she was referring to.


    ¡°I talked to him for a while,¡± she continued. ¡°His demeanour is so cold. But just looking at his gestures and clothes showed me he must be of good status. He seemed to be wearing some perfume, but I couldn¡¯t tell what brand it was.¡±


    The more she spoke, the more animated she became.


    ¡°Since the only Chinese people living in this dormitory are the two of us, I knew that this person must be looking for you, because, you know, you look good. I went up and asked him if he was looking for Anastasia Jian. I told him that you went out early in the morning, and he said it¡¯s okay, then he just sat in the chair downstairs and waited. People must admire you very much.


    ¡°But in the evening, when I saw him again, Mrs. Ma Dan was telling him that you left with another boy and he didn¡¯t say anything, so I thought there must be nothing between you. Does he have a company here in France? I heard him call and talk about the matters mentioned in the noon meeting. Anastasia, are you listening? I have told you so much, you should tell me something too you know?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand him.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s his name? What¡¯s his career? Do you know?¡±


    ¡°Not sure.¡±


    ¡°Anastasia, you are so boring!¡± She turned off the lights and turned to go back to sleep.


    I lied in bed for half an hour, but was now unable to sleep. Finally giving up, I reached out and turned my bedside lamp to read a book. I also took out my now ripped dictionary from my drawer.


    I thought back two years ago when I came here and was learning French. I used to only get five hours of sleep a day and sometimes I would even go to the canteen in a trance, my brain still reciting words.


    ¡°Hey, how am I going to sleep if you turn on the desk lamp?¡±


    I looked back at her and saw she was playing with her phone. ¡°I¡¯ll turn it off when you go to sleep.¡±


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯m going to sleep now then.¡± She threw the phone away and looked at me.


    Sighing, I turned off the light. I didn¡¯t really care. After several years of living abroad, I became accustomed to my indifferent feelings towards relationships. If I could learn to ignore relationships with family, I could definitely do it with everyone else.


    The next morning, I got up and took my laptop, my painting tools, and a duffle bag with a change of clothes. I then set off for a small town I¡¯d planned to visit after graduation, however, I¡¯d spent the previous night dreaming of a strange but familiar voice telling me things I couldn¡¯t recall now. It made me feel queasy and anxious, so I decided to just go on the trip.


    As I sat on the train, I ruffled through the duffle bag looking for something, but instead found an unfamiliar, men¡¯s jacket. I had mistakenly thought it to be my black trench coat when I was hurriedly packing earlier.


    The dark material didn¡¯t have a pattern on it but it was from a very good brand and looked to be quite expensive.


    A vague memory came back to me, of when I¡¯d called Ye Lin for the first time from France. I had been at a loss, sad, and feeling helpless. It had been raining heavily and I¡¯d stood in front of a shop for an hour until I¡¯d collapsed from exhaustion and fainted. I distinctly remembered someone picking me up and taking me to the hospital.


    This person must have had this jacket draped over me and forgotten to take it back.


    I was about to stuff it back in the duffle bag, when I noticed something tucked away in the right pocket. Curiously, I dug it out, and found some euros and two credit cards.


    Could that person have been a bit careless?


    There was also a neatly folded piece of paper. Upon opening it, I found a drawing of the Place de la Chatelet. The drawing depicted a summer afternoon with a fountain, some pigeons, a couple of pedestrians, a caf¨¦, and a person sitting on a bench


    A few rows of words were written at the bottom of the drawing paper.


    18 May, cloudy, Place de la Chatelet. She has been sitting there for three hours.


    I wish she didn¡¯t know me so I would be able to walk over and sit next to her. At least if it wasn¡¯t me, she wouldn¡¯t walk away.


    At the end was a signature in the shape of an E.


    The train finally arrived at the city at noon, and I quickly checked into a small hotel before going back out again.


    This small town was located on the border of France and Switzerland, and the environment looked pristine and natural.


    I walked around aimlessly down streets paved like a slender ribbon under my feet.  The houses looked very old, but because it was spring, there were small flowers growing through cracks in their stone walls, creating a colourful and picturesque scene.  There were also very few pedestrians on the street so the atmosphere was very quiet.


    I wandered all afternoon until I finally felt hungry enough to walk into a small restaurant with vines covering its outer wall.


    ¡°Chinese? Japanese?¡±


    A bearded bartender came up to me, speaking in French. The people of France were always too proud to speak in English.


    ¡°Chinese.¡± I answered back in French.


    He broke out into a big grin, and asked enthusiastically, ¡°What do you want miss? Do you need a glass of wine? My friend¡¯s winery makes it himself.¡±


    I shook my head.


    ¡°Give me a salad, an order of fish, and a glass of water thank you.¡±


    ¡°Okay!¡± He walked away.


    I looked around. There were two people sitting at the bar, drinking and chatting together occasionally. In the seat in front of me was an old lady with white hair, looking down and flipping through the pages in her book.  The people here seemed to be taking it easy.


    As I was eating my meal, I heard someone sit at the table behind me. The bearded man went to over to greet him, and I heard a man¡¯s voice say in English, ¡°Coffee, thank you.¡±


    I froze.


    I did not understand why he followed me so tirelessly.


    I had left Paris and come to this small town to specifically avoid him, and yet here he was.


    I couldn¡¯t help myself, and whipped my head around to him, addressing him in Chinese, ¡°Xi Xichen, you must have a limit!¡±


    There was a small, round table separating us. He looked at me and frowned, turning his normally gentle appearance gloomy.


    ¡°You just quietly left,¡± he answered softly.


    I felt eyes on us, so I put some money on the table and left to wait for him outside on the gravel path. A moment passed before he followed.


    ¡°Okay, what are you going to say? Whatever it is, you will go away when you are done.¡±


    He stood in front of me with the light of the sun on his back.


    ¡°He has hurt you too, yet you can be calm with him. Why can¡¯t you treat me the same?¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help laughing. I really wanted to admire him.


    ¡°He? Ye Lin? Are you comparing yourself to him? Xi Xichen, when did you become so naive?¡± I sneered, not bothering to hide it`.


    But this time, he wasn¡¯t angry at all. Instead he laughed, his expression unreadable. ¡°You don¡¯t even want to think of the possibility that I like you.¡±


    I realized that all interactions with him turned into unpleasant experiences. Does he like to be absurd?


    I had no patience to delve further into this meaningless topic. ¡°Xi Xichen, I really don¡¯t want to leave the country and then see you again and again. Stop following me!¡±


    I returned to the small hotel and did not go out again. The sky outside the window gradually darkened. I don¡¯t know when the rain started to patter down and rustle against the big trees outside the hotel. A cold wind blew in through the open window as I sat alone in the bed, lost in my thoughts, until the room became pitch black.

 CH 24

    When I woke up the next morning, it was still drizzling a little. I had to go to the school administration building today to take care of some final affairs regarding my transfer and then I planned on sending some of my books and clothes to Finland.


    When I arrived at the post office in the afternoon, I saw Ye Lin sitting on a wooden chair on the stone path in front of the university.


    As I left the post office I decided not to go back to uni, but instead walked towards the ancient plot of land behind it. Twenty minutes later, I arrived at the old castle where I used to come and sketch with my friend Christine. Its gentle paths, shady trees and broken intersections allowed for countless hours of drawing as we attempted to catch its beauty onto our canvases. The French citizens themselves had forgotten about it, and tourists rarely visited.


    It was a quaint, old-fashioned place, which I had painted many times, but I had still never been able to capture the beauty of the Middle Ages.


    This time I hadn¡¯t brought my painting tools with me. I remembered I had only gotten halfway through my painting the last time I¡¯d been here.


    I walked under the white carved archway, noticing that some of the ground inside had been eroded over time, to the point where in some areas I could not see the original stone.


    As I walked deeper into the courtyard, I suddenly remembered the crystal bracelet that had been left one year ago as a gift for Christine on one of the ancient walls.


    I walked on, remembering all the joys and pains of the past. I began to search for the crystal bracelet.


    ¡°Anjie!¡±


    I swivelled around just as there was a loud bang and the scenery around me shuddered. Black smoke billowed out and pieces of stone flew in all directions as the ground caved under me and I fell straight down.


    I was so frozen with fear, I couldn¡¯t even choke out a scream.


    A dark shadow flashed over me and I felt something hug me as I hit the ground and immediately passed out.


    When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was the pungent smell of rotting moss. There was also the sound of water dripping into my ears.


    I slowly opened my eyes, and blinked painfully into the darkness.


    How could this happen? Perhaps God has prepared for me an end where I am buried alive.


    I had the sudden, funny thought that maybe this was how Jian Anjie would disappear neatly from the world. Even the cost of a funeral would be saved.


    The initial numbness of my newly revived limbs passed and pain began to gradually flow through me.


    A dull ache took over my body, and I couldn¡¯t tell where I was hurt exactly, but strangely enough, the pain wasn¡¯t as bad as I was expecting.


    I suddenly realized that my body was not lying on cold, hard ground, but rather something soft and warm with a familiar scent of fresh mint.


    My heart fluttered and I struggled to get up, but my waist was caught in a death grip and my body fell back down. I heard a soft, muffled grunt.


    There was someone beneath me.


    The arms around my waist were released, and I quickly rolled over to my side. How could this man have coincidentally fallen into this place with me!?


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± A low, but familiar voice rasped out.


    My eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness and I began to faintly see that we had fallen into a long and narrow tunnel. There was a pile of debris blocking the way in front and all encompassing darkness behind.


    I couldn¡¯t bring myself to guess why he was here.


    How in the world did he end up falling with me and cushioning my fall?


    ¡°Xi Xichen, are you a stalker?¡±


    ¡°I have a few days off,¡± he coughed out, ¡°I have the choice to do whatever I like.¡±


    There was a soft ¡°pop¡±, like something being struck, and a faint spark of light illuminated the tunnel. He reached out and lit a torch hanging on the wall.


    The tunnel came into clearer view, with huge, uneven, stone blocks, covered in moss and seeping water. There was an elegant ornamentation carved into the hole, revealing the decadent beauty of medieval Gothic architecture.


    I laughed mirthlessly at my situation.


    In the firelight, I saw him holding an exquisite pocket watch, the metal chain looped around his fingertips. The end seemed to have a little smoky blackness, and the brilliant sapphire on the lid was extremely eye-catching.


    ¡°The Changle sapphire, as legend has it, was discovered in a small mountain village called Xinwang when a geological exploration team, while chatting with an old man, accidentally discovered that the blue flint they had chained to their cigarette purses to light their cigarettes turned out to resemble a sapphire, and after identification it was confirmed to be the best quality sapphire in China to date. I had no idea that it could be restored to its original purpose.¡± He said in an offhand manner.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a lighter?¡± I was shocked and embarrassed at my own unnecessary curiosity.


    The light of the slightly, wavering fire cast an obscure shadow on his face.


    ¡°I don¡¯t smoke,¡± he said.


    Somehow these plain words gave me the illusion that something else was going on.


    ¡°The primary school near the church was once the estate of Duke Monat Eboure, and the church was also on his property, so this secret passage must have been built by him for some reason. It was an unspoken rule for nobles to build secret passages for emergencies.¡±


    Xichen took the torch off the wall and looked at the pile of rubble blocking the tunnel.


    ¡°The side leading to the church collapsed, but there must be an exit on the other side.¡±


    This man in front of me had always acted indifferent and calculating, holding back his words and only saying things halfway, making it hard to understand his true intentions.


    This was the first time he had been so straightforward.


    ¡°Mr. Xi is being all-wise and all-knowing.¡±


    Xichen looked at me for a long time.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± He raised his torch and walked into the dark tunnel.

 CH 25

    I walked about a meter behind him. There was a gash on his right hand that was bleeding freely, with no sign of stopping. I told myself not to be nosy, since he didn¡¯t seem to care.


    I remembered the phone I¡¯d left in my bag near the castle.


    ¡°Did you bring your phone with you?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t bring it.¡±


    A busy person like him goes out without a cell phone?


    ¡°I didn¡¯t want to be disturbed by others today.¡±


    I sneered and thought, Me too.


    Then I heard him say, ¡°If there is a fork in this tunnel, we will waste some time.¡± It was another explanation, which had a soothing effect.


    ¡°I am feeling thirsty, scared and exhausted by now.¡±


    ¡°Do not worry.¡±


    ¡°If it turns out that all exits are blocked in the end, there¡¯s a possibility of some more bad luck.¡± After all, anything was on the table now that grounds randomly collapsed.


    His slender figure stopped and turned back to look at me, the fire flickering in his eyes.


    ¡°I will find a way to let you out.¡±


    ¡°How can you be sure?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll let you out,¡± he repeated, a little bit more gloomy in his tone.


    I smiled and said, ¡°I definitely have to get out. I think you should know why, Mr. Xi.¡±


    I was not afraid of death, but now I didn¡¯t want to die here with him.


    Xi Xichen¡¯s face turned a little ugly. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    The fire swayed as he walked. After about ten meters the sound of water droplets began to get louder and the mosses increased significantly.


    ¡°The ground is slippery, be careful.¡±


    We didn¡¯t talk to each other because I could feel my strength start to weaken. I began  to walk with my side against the wall, hoping to save some energy. I did not want to fall in front of him before I found the exit.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± The proximity of his voice made me look up in surprise, before I reflexively waved away the hand that wanted to support me.


    ¡°Don¡¯t touch me, Xi Xichen!¡±


    My emotions had reached their limit because of my current environment and company.


    He became dead silent as he looked at me with a grim expression. Slowly, a glimmer of pain appeared in his eyes, and he suddenly pulled me into his arms with a kind of desperate indulgence.


    I struggled weakly, in shock, but he only held on more tightly. I felt his scorching breath blowing into my ears, making it even more unbearable!


    ¡°Believe it or not, right now, here, no matter what I do to you, no one can do worse to me after I get out.¡±


    ¡°You lunatic, you let me go!¡± I had never seen Xi Xichen like this!


    ¡°Even if I¡¯m a lunatic, I¡¯m crazy for you, Jian Anjie. Anjie¡­,¡± His voice gradually softened, ¡°What can I do so that you can forgive me? What can I do to stop you from hating and rejecting me?¡±


    He released me, but his eyes stayed locked onto mine.


    Standing in the dark and hearing such a humble tone along with such a candid look, a certain part of my heart twitched, and I felt it give a thump.


    I suppressed the panic in my heart and looked at him directly, thinking that after all this time I was still aroused by him.


    ¡°Tell me, what on earth should I do?¡± He raised his hand to my face, pleading.


    The cold touch on my face awakened me, and I pushed his hand.


    ¡°I said not to touch me!¡±


    ¡°Why would I allow myself to come to you? You have always killed me.¡± He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. ¡°Anjie, you are unfair to me. You vetoed me completely from the beginning, and everything I do is like I¡¯m doing useless work. But even knowing that I can¡¯t get the slightest response, I still can¡¯t let go. I¡¯m like a fool.¡±


    I held my breath, before saying, ¡°I don¡¯t know what you are talking about!¡±


    ¡°You know, how could you not know? You are so smart¡­¡± He smiled bitterly, ¡°You know how to make me sore, how to push me into the abyss.¡±


    ¡°What nonsense are you talking about?¡±


    Such a retort felt weak even to myself.


    ¡°Even if it is a capital crime, there should be a time limit. So, can I choose to serve the sentence early?¡±


    ¡°What the hell are you talking about?¡± I began to feel a little at a loss for this completely uncontrollable situation, and felt that something was going to happen.


    ¡°I¡¯m not talking nonsense, I¡¯m just¡­¡± The torch fell to the ground, and the light dimmed. Then I was pushed against the stone wall behind me. Because he put a hand behind my waist, my back didn¡¯t feel the shock, but I couldn¡¯t escape, and the outrageous disregard in his eyes startled my heart even more.


    I remembered the strong kiss from that day, and thinking that he was going to repeat it, I yelled, ¡°Xichen, don¡¯t force me to hate you!¡±


    ¡°You already hate me, don¡¯t you?¡± He was smiling, but with a tragic determination.


    Suddenly I felt something made of cold steel jammed into my hand. As I realized what it was, he grabbed my hand and slammed it into his chest!

 CH 26

    An instant later, a bright, red, peony of blood bloomed through, staining the front of his white shirt.


    I gaped at him dumbfounded. Is he crazy!?


    The hot and slick feeling on my hands forced me to realize that it was not an illusion!


    I pushed him away desperately and Xi Xichen staggered back two steps before slumping against the wall behind him. Even though I was now a certain distance away, I could still smell the blood.


    ¡°You are crazy! You are crazy!¡±


    The blood-stained saber slipped out of my hands, and before I knew what I was doing, I turned and ran deeper into the secret tunnel.


    Why did he do this?  Extremely ridiculous, extremely ridiculous!


    The tunnel was so pitch black I couldn¡¯t even see my own fingers. I dragged my heavy legs as I ran desperately with the wind rushing past me and my panicked heart beating loudly in my ears.


    I didn¡¯t stop until I tripped on a stone and fell to the ground, knocking my knees heavily on the stone path. Adrenaline coursed through me, making me feel both panicked and alive.


    Xi Xichen, why are you here? Why are you here?  How¡­how did it get this messed up?


    I don¡¯t know how long I sat there before I finally stood up and limped back.


    When I saw him sitting on the ground with his back against the wall and his eyes closed, a bolt of fear ran through me and I raced over to him and grabbed his shoulder.


    ¡°Xi Xichen!¡± I found my voice trembling, ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to run away!¡±


    He slowly opened his eyes, his mouth looking more gentle than ever before.


    ¡°I will take you out.¡± He stretched out his hand and stroked my face. ¡°Anjie¡­¡±


    The remaining torch fell to the ground, and the flame flickered for a moment before finally dying out. ¡°I don¡¯t regret anything for you.¡±


    Such intimacy in the sudden darkness made me feel even more at a loss.


    ¡°If I knew this would make you stop and listen to me for a while, I would have done it sooner.¡± He said, his breathing weak.


    ¡°You really are¡­a lunatic.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I scared you.¡± His voice was apologetic. ¡°I just didn¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    I lightly mocked, ¡°You Xi Xichen, who are so capable? How can anything stump you?¡±


    ¡°I have always been helpless with you.¡± The gentle voice felt a little unnatural.


    He put his head on my shoulder. ¡°We have to get out of here quickly, or I might die here. ¡± His voice was getting weaker and weaker.


    I gritted my teeth as I helped him stand with difficulty. ¡°I was stupid to stroll through such a shabby place. You are even more stupid for committing self-harm.¡±


    ¡°What should I do now?¡± I asked. ¡°The torches are all gone, where can I go?¡±


    ¡°There should be more on the wall nearby. I¡¯ll look for it.¡±


    ¡°Your injury¡­¡± I stopped him a little bit helplessly. ¡°I¡¯m here, let me find it. You stand still.¡±


    I heard him chuckle in the dark. ¡°I won¡¯t move.¡±


    I turned and patted the wall before quickly finding another one. But in the dark, I didn¡¯t know where Xi Xichen was. I didn¡¯t want to call for him, so I stretched out my hand like a blind man walking.


    A minute later my hand was grabbed by a warm hand, and his five fingers intertwined with mine.


    ¡°Found it?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I pulled my hand free and gave him the torch. He rubbed the sapphire on the wall and a small flame burst forth through it again.


    In the lit up space I saw his pale face. ¡°You¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± He covered his mouth and coughed. ¡°This secret road seems to have no fork in the road so we can walk to the end,¡± he said, his voice strained. ¡°We should be able to reach the exit soon¡­Anjie?¡±


    It hadn¡¯t been long since we¡¯d become trapped, but I felt like I had gone without food and water for three days and nights.


    I bit my lower lip as dizziness swept through me. I tried to hold on, but my body shut me down, and I fell into the engulfing darkness.


    I smelled a delicate, minty fragrance wafting through my nose and I felt warm and dry. I expected to open my eyes to a snow-white ceiling and blue sky with white clouds outside a window, but when my eyes fluttered open, there was no sky and no ceiling, just the mottled corridor and a flickering flame. I sat up with a groan. The warmth I was feeling seemed to have been a dream.


    A suit jacket covered my body and a checkered square was wrapped around my knee to staunch the small injury there.


    Xi Xichen knelt down and sat beside me, eyes full of anxiety. He looked relieved and somewhat embarrassed at the same time.


    The light scent between my lips and teeth had not yet completely dissipated, and I subconsciously touched my lower lip as I looked at him.


    It was undeniable that he was good-looking, with his clear skin, angular face, tall nose, and handsome features. Seeing that I was staring at him intently, he turned his face to the side and coughed slightly.


    His right hand was hanging at his side, and without the cover of the suit, the crimson peony on his white shirt was now more discernible.


    I had slept for a while, so my mind was now clearer.


    The now almost black, blush on his chest shirt did not seem to be dyed.


    I looked at his right hand again. Why is the blood dripping more now than when I had first seen it?


    Did the hand get hurt again?


    When?


    A sudden thought flashed through my mind, and my whole body went cold!


    I have been deceived by false appearances again! Why did I forget? There are great depths to Xi Xichen, how could he ever do something that would hurt him?


    The previous bewilderment and worries he¡¯d caused me now coursed through my mind. It had apparently now become a joke to laugh at me.

 CH 27

    Xi Xichen stood up and then paused as if he felt dizzy. He reached out to the wall with his right hand to support himself and I watched a line of blood slide down the rugged lines of the stone wall.


    ¡°Can you get up?¡± He asked, lowering his head. He smiled gently and dropped his hand down slowly, inadvertently smearing the blood away.


    ¡°I saw it in front of you¡­.when you slept.¡± His voice weakened with every word.  ¡°About ten meters from here are some steps that go back up, but the switch to open the slabs of the ground is damaged.¡±


    I stood up, listening quietly, my eyelids drooping to obscure all emotions.


    ¡°Unless¡­¡± He stopped talking.


    I didn¡¯t want to hear any more from him, I just wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.


    I walked forward, Xi Xichen following behind me, his intermittent coughs ringing in my ears.


    I smiled coldly. Why are you even doing this? I no longer want to deal with this because I finally understand the falsehood.


    When I saw the natural light ahead, I ran forward, stopping directly under where light filtered through from above. The corridor¡¯s path had also ended.


    The walls in this area were relatively intact, with several crude notches carved into them. There was a dilapidated stone ladder in the corner.


    As I was about to look for the ¡°switch¡±, he suddenly took my hand. His face was unusually crimson as he leaned towards me, swaying as if he couldn¡¯t stand firmly.


    ¡°Xi Xichen!¡±


    I subconsciously gulped.


    He stopped swaying and shook his head, as if trying to make himself stay awake. I looked at him in disdain. I knew he was just pretending!


    The forbearance in my heart had reached its limit, and a vengeful idea popped into my mind.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, what do you like about me?¡± Instead of pushing him away, I got closer to him, and asked slowly, ¡°My body or a ridiculous soul?¡±


    Xi Xichen seemed to be in a daze and he let my hands climb up his body like vines.


    I noticed that his white shirt was now soaked, and the red peony was stained with sweat.


    ¡°Should I be moved, Mr. Xi, that you worked so hard for me?¡±


    I undid the neat row of buttons one by one, revealing his smooth chest, and then gently ran my fingers across the small wound before placing them on his undulating heart.


    ¡°You should have been pierced here,¡± I said. I felt his body visibly tighten under my hand, and the ups and downs of his breathing seemed to pause under my fingertips.


    ¡°Such a shallow injury, you should be honest. The blood on your clothes ¨C when you stabbed yourself, you held my hand and then grabbed the blade forward, right? Your right hand was injured in the beginning. Was it to prepare for this ridiculous scene later? I don¡¯t know. It seems to me that Mr. Xi is very dedicated to acting.¡±


    No response.


    His weight against my body gradually subsided, and his heavy breath blew in my ears. My heartbeat rose and I pushed him away forcefully.


    Xi Xichen stumbled against the rock wall, his right hand slamming into its mottled side. He stayed silent, not making a sound.


    As he leaned against the wall, his messy black hair drooping gloomily, and blood flowing from the gap between the clenched fingers of his right hand, he finally said, ¡°Yes, bitter tricks, although old-fashioned, will work on you.¡± Xi Xichen  looked at me, then smiled. ¡°Because while Jian Anjie may be cold, she is still soft-hearted enough.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to die here with me, do you? So the knife didn¡¯t sting, you should be thankful.¡±


    What does he mean? Are you mocking my incompetence?


    Xi Xichen slowly slid his body down until he reached the ground.


    ¡°The stairs are right here, go up.¡±


    Suddenly a rumbling sound reverberated through the cavern and the slab on the top of the stone steps miraculously opened with his words. The light grew brighter and I raised my hand to block the dazzling white glare.


    I looked at him. ¡°You won¡¯t go?¡± I asked, even though I didn¡¯t want to talk to him at all at this moment.


    He was still sitting, his back against the wall.


    ¡°The stone ladder has been in disrepair for a long time. Shouldn¡¯t you go and try it first? And you have nothing to lose if I die, right?¡±


    ¡°It does not matter!¡± My answer was reflective, but the hesitation in my heart could not be ignored.


    Seeing me motionless, he spat out shameless and hurtful words.


    ¡°Or are you feeling nostalgic? It¡¯s definitely poetic to have the same hole in front of you when you¡¯re being born or when you¡¯re about to die.¡±


    I tried my best to control my emotions, and no longer care about whether he would follow up or not. Of course he would climb up in the end!


    Dragging my weak body I climbed the mottled stone steps. When I reached the last one, and the ground was finally under my feet, the feeling I had of rebirth after death made the situation surreal.


    Although I really didn¡¯t want to care, I couldn¡¯t help but look down again.


    He was looking up at me with a smile on the corner of his mouth, but his eyes seemed loose as if he was trying hard to focus.


    ¡°Anjie, if you don¡¯t want to see me again, this is your best opportunity. All you need to do is go out and keep quiet about where I am. Trapped in here, I will most likely die in less than a day. From now on, you don¡¯t have to worry that I will find you again¡­¡±


    His body slowly slid to the side, then the sound of rattling machinery resounded again. I looked around puzzled, before I noticed that the slab of stone around my feet was closing, and I stepped back as it smashed back into place, raising up a cloud of smoke and dust. The ground had sealed back so perfectly, it was as if the hole had never existed.


    ¡°I¡¯m dead and it has nothing to do with you.¡± Only these words were left echoing in my ears.


    The scene was absurdly like a parting of life and death.

 CH 28

    The white walls, white sheets, and the smell of disinfectant in the ward were all very familiar, except this time, it wasn¡¯t me lying in the bed. I stood near his haggard-looking, sleeping figure staring down at his pale face. It was lined with soft facial lines, the usual arrogance gone.  I dropped my gaze to his right hand, which was thickly wrapped in gauze.


    ¡°The switch to open the slate on the ground is damaged. Unless someone keeps pressing it, it will be closed.¡±


    I¡¯d learned new information during the rescue earlier that he hadn¡¯t mentioned before.


    ¡°The patient has a small amount of bleeding in the chest cavity, the right caudal finger tendon is ruptured, the back of the hand is severely injured, and the palm has a deep wound that requires suture surgery.¡±


    The news I¡¯d learned from the doctor had kept me silent for a long time. When we fell, he had protected me. He¡¯d fallen very hard but never said anything.


    Truth and falsehood, ring after ring, carefully playing the cards in his hand, using, deceiving, and moving emotions, until finally, even his own life had been risked.


    If I had let him go, would I have regretted that he was buried there like that?


    Such a savvy person becomes almost clumsy when dealing with feelings.


    His eyes opened slowly, and when he saw me, his face looked a little surprised.


    ¡°Anjie¡­¡± His voice was hoarse and hard, and he reached out to take my wrist.


    ¡°I¡¯ll call a doctor,¡± I said, trying to calm myself down.


    ¡°Wait,¡± he said, struggling to sit up, ¡°I¡¯m fine, don¡¯t go.¡±


    His conscious presence was making me uncomfortable.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, I will not accept your love just to be grateful.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he said, ¡°I just didn¡¯t think you would come back.¡±


    ¡°Your bitter trick was very successful,¡± I mocked slightly.


    Everything I experienced during those moments after the slab closed was still a little surprising to think about. If I hadn¡¯t figured out his pain was not in fact fake, if I hadn¡¯t had enough ¡°heart softness¡± as he¡¯d said¡­


    When the police and medical staff had finally arrived, I¡¯d found that my hand¨Cstill grasping the phone¨Cwas shaking.


    ¡°Because of¡­guilt?¡±


    I looked at him blankly.


    ¡°Don¡¯t test me.¡±


    He gave me a wry smile.


    ¡°Anjie, is it useless for me to do anything?¡±


    It may have been his injuries that made him look a little vulnerable at that moment.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, you need to go back to China and don¡¯t come back again.¡±


    If I don¡¯t see you, I won¡¯t think too much, neither love nor hate, just like it is with Ye Lin.


    An inch of love sickness and an inch of gray, when the love sickness is exhausted, only ashes remain.


    ¡°I can¡¯t do it.¡± He looked at me thoughtfully, and then he pulled my hand to his mouth and printed a kiss. I couldn¡¯t help but feel flustered at the soft touch, ¡°You have forgiven me, right?¡±


    ¡°I am not God, I can¡¯t forgive anyone.¡±


    He leaned his forehead onto the back of my hand and murmured, ¡°You are¡­¡± I


    didn¡¯t catch the rest of the words clearly, ¡°Now this is enough.¡±


    I didn¡¯t know that Xi Xichen was so easily satisfied. He was very strange to me.


    ¡°You should rest.¡±


    Freeing my hand, I picked up my backpack off the ground and walked to the door.


    ¡°Anjie,¡± he said, stopping me, ¡°I hope you know that I won¡¯t do anything to make you sad. And¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    I didn¡¯t answer. I opened the door and walked out.


    His last sentence, I¡¯m sorry, was six years late, but yet it brought a sense of calm.


    I went back to school and Liang Aiwen didn¡¯t ask one question about my clothes


    stained with mud as I walked into the room. We seldom got involved.


    Except for the ¡°Prince in a Suit¡± before.


    After I took a shower, I couldn¡¯t stop thinking of Xi Xichen lying on the bed.  Our time in the tunnel felt like an experience outside of reality.


    I think it¡¯s hard to forget things in this life.


    I¡¯d received a message before from my aunt, asking me if I wanted to come to Finland to work and settle down after graduation.  I wasn¡¯t not close to my mother, especially after her divorce, but my Auntie and I were close. It may have been because I had many similarities with her.


    We both loved painting and had the same outlook on life¨Cto win a person¡¯s heart, and stay together for a hundred years without abandonment.


    It was a pity that the two people who my aunt had loved all her life died young. Her first husband died in an accident on a construction site, and her second, Piao Zheng¡¯s father, died of lung cancer.  My aunt has no heirs. Piao Zheng is her stepson.


    Since I was the only descendant related to her by blood, she began to take great care of me, including my tuition¨Cexcept for the money spent by Jian Zhenlin during my first year in France.


    I had first told my aunt that I didn¡¯t like life abroad. However, I now  understood that no matter where people lived, on the beach or in the desert, it was who was with them that was most important.


    So I decided I would go to Finland because my dearest family was there.


    Early the next morning, I went to the library to revise my graduation work. I hadn¡¯t planned to visit Xi Xichen in the hospital again. In fact, it was already beyond my expectation how much things had developed so far.


    But when I went back to the dormitory at noon to sort out some winter clothes and books to send to Finland, I found the suit. Now I was sure that the suit belonged to Xi Xichen because his English name in his passport was Elvis.


    What¡¯s more, his passport had records of entering and leaving France every year since I¡¯d come here, either once or twice.


    I¡¯d thought I wouldn¡¯t be going back to the hospital, but I had to return it to him.  He¡¯d helped me back then, so the right thing was to give it back.


    I thought to myself, It would be best if I could return things without seeing people.  I don¡¯t know why, but now I am a little afraid to face him.


    The hospital at night was much deserted than during the day. When I arrived at


    the in-patient department¡¯s service desk, I looked for the nurse on duty and explained the matter. As soon as she heard his name, she immediately answered without bothering to check on the computer.


    ¡°Elvis Xi has been discharged from the hospital, and the discharge procedures were handled in the evening.¡±


    I was surprised. ¡°Discharged?¡±


    ¡°Yes. But he left his address.¡± The nurse said and handed me a note.


    I took it slowly.  He¡¯d expected me to come?


    My stubbornness when it came to accomplishing something I¡¯d decided on, overpowered my anxiety at seeing him again. This trait always forced me to follow through on my decisions, no matter how difficult they seemed.


    The address on the note was for a hotel by the Seine River. I took a taxi straight to the hotel and once I arrived, I walked to the front desk and handed the bag to the receptionist. ¡°Please give this to Mr. Elvis Xi. He is staying at your hotel.¡±


    He took it and glanced inside.


    ¡°A pretty good looking suit. Wait, is this a credit card?¡±


    I forgot that French people were very sensitive about money.  Sure enough, he handed the bag back.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry miss, you should give it to him.¡± Then he checked the room number for me. ¡°He¡¯s at 1507. You can take the elevator up.¡±


    I should have hidden the card.

 CH 29

    As I went up the elevator, I couldn¡¯t help thinking if it was necessary to pass five stages and six generals to see the aloof Mr. Xi? I rolled my eyes.


    Outside the door of 1507, I hesitated for a moment before ringing the doorbell.  I didn¡¯t expect a strange woman who be the one answering the door though.


    ¡°Who are you looking for?¡± She asked in English.


    I thought she looked Chinese, so I answered in Chinese, ¡°I¡¯m looking for¡­Xi Xichen.¡±


    She smiled and immediately switched to Chinese, although not very proficiently, ¡°What do you need? He is talking on the phone right now.¡±


    ¡°Please give him this bag of things, thank you.¡±


    I raised the bag to hand it to her, but then Xi Xichen walked into the room from the balcony. As soon as I saw him, I regretted coming.


    At that moment, my mobile phone rang. I glanced at the number, nodded to the woman in front of me, stepped back to the side and answered the phone.


    The other end of the phone was silent for about five seconds before speaking in a low voice, ¡°Anjie, it¡¯s me.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±I assumed he must have called Piao Zheng. This time when I¡¯d returned back to France, I¡¯d changed my mobile phone number. I hadn¡¯t had time to give anyone else my new number except for Auntie, Piao Zheng and my previous attending doctor.


    ¡°I¡¯m at the airport now. The plane will reach home at eight o¡¯clock.¡±


    ¡°Um.¡±


    ¡°Heh¡­¡± His voice sounded unsure. ¡°I just wanted to say goodbye to you¡­I want to hear your voice again.¡±


    ¡°¡­Well, safe journey.¡±


    There was a beat of silence.


    ¡°Peace? I hope something can happen. I¡¯m sorry, maybe I shouldn¡¯t have called.¡± Then he took the initiative and hung up.


    I was a little speechless by this inexplicable attitude.


    ¡°Were you looking for me?¡± a gentle voice came from behind.


    I turned around and met those rare and pleasant eyes. He was standing in the doorway, wearing pajamas, but his face still looked a bit pale.


    ¡°Did you go to the hospital to find me?¡± he asked.


    ¡°Is it okay for you¡­to leave the hospital so early?¡± I shouldn¡¯t have asked, but I couldn¡¯t help myself.


    He smiled. ¡°I don¡¯t want to waste time in the hospital.¡±


    It seemed that there was something more to his words, but I didn¡¯t want to explore more.


    I handed him the bag. ¡°I think this is yours.¡±


    He glanced at it, then smiled again, ¡°Why do you think it¡¯s mine?¡±


    When I saw he had no intention of taking it, I put it on the floor by the door. He kept looking at me, as if waiting for me to say something.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t need to do so much for me.¡± I don¡¯t want to accept some unrequited love.


    ¡°Goodbye.¡±


    ¡°Anjie.¡± Xi Xichen stopped me and picked up the bag. ¡°Since you said this is mine, I want to check if there is anything missing.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    If my will was a little weaker, if my hold on my temper was a little bit weaker, I think I would have gotten angry.


    ¡°Xichen, should I leave first?¡± The woman who opened the door for me was carrying a briefcase and had come back to the door.


    Xi Xichen turned around and regained his usual calmness while addressing the lady.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll get in touch again. Say hello to your father from me.¡±


    ¡°Definitely! Pay attention to yourself. I want to invite you to dinner in two days.¡± She smiled and waved at me, and I habitually nodded back politely.


    When the woman left, Xi Xichen took my hand, led me into the room and closed the door.  Bewildered by the look in his eyes, I went straight to sit on the sofa nearest to me.


    The room was brightly lit, and the LCD TV on the wall was on, broadcasting entertainment programs from local, French, TV stations.


    ¡°Coffee or spring water?¡±


    ¡°If you have already checked¡­¡±


    He poured a glass of water.


    ¡°No. After all these years, I need to think about what was left in my pocket at the time.¡±


    I discreetly clenched my hand into a fist.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, don¡¯t think you can humiliate me just because you have helped me once or twice.¡±


    He chose to sit on the sofa opposite me. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to humiliate you.¡±


    I paused.


    ¡°Okay, can I go then?¡±


    ¡°When you walked out of the hospital, I thought you would definitely not come to see me again, but I still couldn¡¯t help but think about the possibility of one in ten thousand, so I left a note. And you came to me. I am very happy. In fact, the correct word would be that I am ecstatic,¡± he said softly.


    I bit my lower lip. ¡°I¡¯m here to pay you back.¡±


    He smiled lightly.


    ¡°Just now that lady was the person in charge of my French branch, and she wanted to talk about business. I was not in good health, so I asked her to come over here and talk. Her father and my father¡ª¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to explain anything to me.¡±


    He looked visibly stunned, and the corners of his mouth raised slightly, but his voice turned a bit bitter, ¡°Yes, I forgot, you are Jian Anjie. I don¡¯t think I know anymore what is good or bad.¡±


    I stood up helplessly, and asked for the third time, ¡°Have you checked? Can I go?¡±


    ¡°Did I stop you?¡± He asked coldly.


    It was just asking for trouble to try and reason with this unpredictable temperament. I bent down and picked the bag up off the sofa, but he grabbed my hand, causing my heart to shudder.


    ¡°Anjie, can you make me happy a little longer?¡±


    He laid back against the sofa, looking up at me.


    ¡°I was in heaven a moment ago, and the next moment your attitude told me clearly that you never intended to approach me proactively. You came just to pay something back, and then leave. You don¡¯t even care if there are other women in my room. And if you talk to him on the phone, you need a lot of money.  Perseverance keeps me from thinking too much.¡±


    ¡°Are you accusing me?¡± I asked calmly, meeting his gaze.


    He smiled. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m accusing you, but I am obviously not qualified to.¡± He apologized, and then let go.


    I stood there for two seconds, then without saying goodbye, I walked to the door. When I opened it, he suddenly reached out from behind me and pressed the half-open door shut. When I tried to pull it back open, he hugged me from behind.


    He smelled of both medicine and his characteristic, light, minty smell.


    ¡°You came to me of your own accord,¡± he said in a low voice.


    ¡°Xi Xichen.¡±


    His voice sounded helpless. ¡°You know I won¡¯t hurt you. But you must not know how much I love you.¡±


    I used to both hate him and be afraid of him. In the few days that I had returned to China, I had been reluctant to face him. But even if I no longer hated him now, the fear still existed.


    ¡°That time I hit you, it was the one thing I¡¯ve regretted till now,¡± he said sadly. ¡°You were trembling, and your mind was gone. You were looking at me blankly and I had to go check on Aunt Qing. But I was afraid that something would happen to you in that trance, so I hit you to try and bring you back¡­and then it made you afraid of me for so many years. I told you, when it comes to you,  I¡¯ve always been helpless, and that time was the best proof of this.¡±


    I was surprised at his words. However, even if I now knew that his intentions had not been malicious in the first place, what was there to say?


    This was the end of the matter and the situation was set. It was like a butterfly effect. The butterfly flaps its wings gently and brings a hurricane to a distant country. Even if the butterfly is unintentional in its actions, the consequences of the disaster are still there.


    ¡°I¡¯m leaving.¡± I said, but there was no denying that my heart was now beating a little faster, for some reason.


    The person behind me didn¡¯t move. I felt a little warmth at the base of my neck. My hand holding the doorknob trembled as he planted a small kiss and then let go.


    ¡°I¡¯m not in a hurry,¡± he said quietly, ¡°I can wait for your love for the rest of my life.¡±


    He said love?


    Can love really come so easily?


    Back at the dormitory, I sat looking through my French dictionary to try and calm my heart, but it was in vain.


    He said for a lifetime?


    I laughed at myself.


    I¡¯ve become used to living like this for years, and I can¡¯t imagine how long my life will be.


    But I can¡¯t control other people¡¯s thoughts, just like I can¡¯t change myself.  So¡­so be it.

 CH 30

    The next morning, a Chinese compatriot came to see me at the dormitory. I¡¯d known her for about four years. We occasionally met at gatherings and exchanges of Chinese students. We spoke a few times and then stayed in touch with each other.


    This time she came to ask for my help to take pictures of an exhibition tomorrow. Her reason was that Chinese people should help each other.


    ¡°I¡¯m not the only Chinese you know.¡±


    She is very talented, good at dancing, and has a wide range of social interactions.


    ¡°But only you have taken an art photography course. If I remember correctly, you won the Croire Photography Award in our school, right? You are really talented in art! Just be a sister to Tina, please, help me this once.¡±  She put her hands together in the shape of a plea.


    ¡°I finally got the admission qualification for this event. The photographers of our club have gone back to China this week, and I really can¡¯t find anyone else.¡±


    ¡°Actually, your club just wants some photos of the opening ceremony. After the exhibition is over, you can search the Internet and there will be many.¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t want to be the same, we need something unique,¡± she said. ¡°So it¡¯s decided, I¡¯ll call you tomorrow.¡± She grabbed her bag and ran away.


    Facts have proven that I am really more tolerant of my compatriots.


    The following day I followed Tina to the exhibition place, and rode the bus for nearly twenty minutes. There were four people including me, but I only knew Tina.


    The opening ceremony was at ten o¡¯clock in the morning. We arrived early, but found that there were already people waiting at the door.  After Tina gave us the admission card, announced she was going to buy us all coffee.  I told her I would go in and have a look.


    Upon entering the exhibition venue, the layout that greeted me inside was quite grand. The hall was set up with a simple yet atmospheric stage, and behind it was the exhibition hall, which was currently not open.


    I walked around for a while before unexpectedly running into a familiar face. Familiar, but unknown.


    ¡°Hey, we are really destined to keep meeting.¡± The woman in front of me was the same person I had met at Xi Xichen¡¯s hotel room. ¡°I didn¡¯t introduce myself last time. My name is Fang Hua. Hello.¡±


    I had no intention of saying my name. ¡°Hello.¡±


    ¡°Are you attending the exhibition?¡± She glanced at the introduction booklet in my hand. ¡°It¡¯s an exhibit of all the classic advertisements from the 1980s to the present. I think it will be a worthwhile event.¡±


    I flipped to an advertisement for a sports car featuring two hounds.


    ¡°Well, some look interesting.¡±


    She looked down at the picture.


    ¡°These two stars are very impressive.¡±


    At that moment, I saw Tina waving at me a couple meters away. I started to turn to leave.


    ¡°You and Xichen,¡± Fang Hua said hesitantly, ¡°Sorry, I probably shouldn¡¯t ask. You seem to have a very close relationship. I mean he treats you very kindly. I have known him for many years and I have never seen him treat a woman that way. The lad cared so much.¡±


    I should have understood what she meant, so I said objectively: ¡°I don¡¯t know him well.¡±


    ¡°You must at least know him as a friend.¡± She smiled, obviously in a little disbelief, but didn¡¯t pursue the subject. ¡°If you¡¯ve got a chance, next time I can take you to the film festival. It will be better than this. Much more interesting.¡±


    Just then, a staff member came up to ask her about something, and I slipped away. Tina was also already running over.


    ¡°Student Jian, you know one of the organizers of the exhibition? We are lucky!¡±


    ¡°I do not understand.¡±


    ¡°The lady you were talking to just now!¡± She looked happy. ¡°I can catch such a powerful person¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m only in charge of taking pictures.¡± I said firmly. I was really afraid of trouble.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you just have to help introduce me to her, and I will deal with the rest. Oh my God, the students of our Fifth University are shocked!¡±


    I was speechless. ¡°How can it be so exaggerated?¡±


    ¡°Classmate,¡± She patted my shoulder earnestly, ¡°you truly are a real person without being boastful.¡±


    Half an hour later, five minutes before the opening ceremony, I was waiting for Tina at the periphery. I don¡¯t know what she was doing again. Her eyes were looking around, but in the next second her attention was taken by a distinguished figure in front of her.


    He had a straight body and a light coffee suit that made him look very elegant. In fact, seeing Fang Hua there, I should have known that he might be there too. He must have seen me first because the way he was looking  at me at that moment made me unable to stay calm.


    ¡°Hey, where are the two helpers?¡± Tina asked, finally reappearing.


    I turned my head, pointed them out, and when I turned back around again, I no longer saw him.


    The opening ceremony was starting on time with the organizer giving a speech, followed by the ribbon cutting, and then finally the visit.


    ¡°I always think that foreigners have more handsome facial features. Now I want to say that in the ranking stream just now, only that Chinese man is the most handsome.¡± Tina said, turning to me,.¡±Anjie, how was the shot?¡±


    ¡°Go through the camera and see for yourself.¡±


    ¡°OK, I believe you.You can take a few more pictures later. Now we are going to start the interview. You first introduce the lady to me, and then I will see if I can ask her to help introduce some other celebrities.¡±


    I felt helpless.


    ¡°I will try my best,¡± I said weakly.


    I was very hesitant to do this. I didn¡¯t have any friendship with Fang Hua at all, and I had only properly met her a moment ago. She was naturally among the few ¡°celebs¡± surrounded by everyone. The outstanding appearance and calm posture were always conspicuous.


    She suddenly turned her head and saw me.


    Walking over with a smile, she asked, ¡°You didn¡¯t go to see the exhibition inside?¡±


    I ignored her question, and instead said, ¡°Miss Fang, my friend wants to get to know you.¡±


    After I introduced Tina to Fang Hua, I walked away.  I was tired of the noisy crowd around me, and I felt a bit bored. But right as  I decided to go outside to get some fresh air, someone took my arm.


    ¡°Mr. Xi, you are here?¡± Fang Hua¡¯s voice floated over from the crowd.


    Tina reacted quickly and ran over to me.


    ¡°Hello Mr. Xi, we are students of the Fifth University. My name is Xian. I don¡¯t know if you have time, but we would like to invite you to do a simple interview.¡±


    ¡°Interview?¡± He glanced at Tina and then at me.


    ¡°Although we are a school magazine and are not as famous as a large media, please consider my proposal. This is very important and critical to us.¡±


    ¡°When did you start doing interviews?¡± He asked me.


    What a headache.


    ¡°Today.¡±


    A man came over and whispered a few words to Xi Xichen. He nodded and motioned for the other person to go first, before leaning down and whispering softly in my ear, ¡°Wait for me, wait for me for ten minutes. I want to talk to you.¡±


    I was a little surprised at the closeness he was portraying towards me on this occasion. His attitude was ambiguous, and he didn¡¯t seem to be leaving without my promise.


    I was afraid of what else he might do, so I casually agreed.


    He took my hand, hinting at the establishment of a certain agreement before letting go. He asked Fang Hua, who was next to him, to give Tina his business card ¡°You can contact me when you want the interview.¡±


    ¡°Dear classmate,¡± Tina leaned close to me as soon as they left. ¡°Do you mind if I gossip with you?¡±


    ¡°If I said I mind, you would still say it.¡±


    ¡°You obviously seem to be a very simple person. I have known you for so many years. You don¡¯t have boyfriends, don¡¯t attend student parties, don¡¯t play around. You either read books in the library or work outside school to make money. Even the year before my college, I heard you almost got dropped out of school because you didn¡¯t have money to pay the tuition¡ª¡±


    ¡°What do you want to say?¡±


    I didn¡¯t know whether to laugh or cry. It wasn¡¯t dropping out of school, but changing departments, but it was true that I had been short of money all these years.


    I walked to the exhibition hall to take pictures, and Tina followed me.¡±


    Is he not your boyfriend?¡±


    What logic.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, I¡¯m mentally balanced.¡± She looked at the business card in her hand, ¡°He¡¯s a CEO. I still work in the media, this kind of person really can¡¯t fight us.¡± She patted my arm, ¡°Kid I think you are pretty good. Since you and him are acquainted, you can still grasp this rare opportunity to be his girlfriend. Although the degree of difficulty in pursuit is definitely great, you can try.¡±


    ¡°Since you say it is difficult, why should I waste my time.¡±


    ¡°Students who don¡¯t say that, always try it. If you were to have such a boyfriend¡­ wow, that¡¯s simply¡­ at least you wouldn¡¯t have to worry about being dropped out of school if you don¡¯t have the money to pay.¡±


    I laughed.


    Just then, my phone pinged. It was a text message.


    [Xi Xichen: You are busy taking the elevator down, and I am waiting for you in the underground garage.]


    I couldn¡¯t be bothered to guess how he got my number.


    ¡°Tina, I¡¯m leaving now.¡± I returned the camera to her.


    ¡°Hey,¡± she stopped me, ¡°Where are you going?¡±


    ¡°Just walking around.¡±


    I sent a message back.


    [Jian Anjie: Sorry, I have other business, don¡¯t wait for me.]


    How small is Paris that I am able to find myself in this situation?


    But no matter what, there was no future there.  As Tina said, I¡¯m so different from him, even if we stand together, it doesn¡¯t seem to conform to outsiders.


    I thought there would be no more surprises that day, jumping out to challenge my nerves, until I received a call from the doctor who had treated me.


    I thanked her for her help after the car accident.


    She had been transferred from Paris to Lyon. I usually contacted her several times a year. Her children were about the same age as me, but they were all in the United States.


    As I listened to her, she told me something that she had kept silent about for a long time.

 CH 31

    Hearing footsteps in the front of the corridor, I looked up and met an obviously surprised pair of eyes.


    Anyone who finds someone sitting in front of their hotel room late at night would find it a little weird, not to mention if this same person had broken their appointment previously.


    ¡°Sorry for disturbing you so late¡­¡± I stood up.


    He gazed at me deeply. ¡°You never disturb me.¡±


    I smiled bitterly. I don¡¯t care about what he says.


    He turned to open the door, then twisted sideways to let me in. ¡°Have you waited for a long time?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    As soon as I touched the soft sofa, I felt exhausted. He poured a glass of spring water and handed it to me.


    ¡°Tired?¡± He sat next to me.


    ¡°A little.¡±


    I closed my eyes, and a long time later I heard his soft voice: ¡°Go to bed. It will be uncomfortable for you to sleep like this. Don¡¯t go back to the dorms at this time of night. I will sleep on the sofa, or ask for another room.¡±


    ¡°Xi Xichen.¡± I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were very gentle, with some caution.


    ¡°Mary¨Cthe doctor who treated me before, I think you know her too¨Cshe called me and said something.¡±


    I saw his brow furrow.


    I sighed, ¡°It is not unclear to me how much of my life I owe to you.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Are you disgusted?¡±


    I shook my head, ¡°No, I¡¯m not going to get cheap and be good.¡± I said seriously, ¡°I thank you for what you did for me. You let her help me, and because of that my legs are not crippled and my left hand  works. All of this, to be frank, is because of you. I am very grateful to you, but besides being grateful¡ª¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t make it too absolute.¡± He suddenly stood up and interrupted me, ¡°Don¡¯t make it too absolute.¡±


    When I stood up as well, he actually took a small step back.


    ¡°Anjie, I don¡¯t need you to be grateful to me, I just hope that you don¡¯t dodge me anymore when you see me and start to take a serious look at me.¡±


    I did not know what to do. I had thought I didn¡¯t owe anyone anything during those years, and I hadn¡¯t expected that I was being blessed by him all that time. I kept talking about hate, but I had actually been favored by him.


    I sat down again and supported my forehead with my hands. Xi Xichen knelt on the carpet in front of me, staring at me.


    ¡°Anjie, is it because of me that you are unhappy? What happened?¡±


    ¡°Mary has blood cancer and it is in the advanced stage,¡± I blurted out.


    When I said this, my eyes teared up instantly.


    Although Mary and I didn¡¯t interact very often, we were almost like relatives. She¡¯d confessed to me that she took good care of me because of someone¡¯s ¡°please¡±.


    During the call she¡¯d said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, kid.¡±


    ¡°She may not live to see this Christmas,¡± I whispered softly.


    Xi Xichen hugged me.


    ¡°Go and see her¡­If you are willing, I will accompany you.¡±


    ¡°She won¡¯t let me come.¡±


    I was too tired today to think about the matter between me and him, no matter how tightly he held me.


    In the end, exhaustion and sleepiness were no match for me, and I fell asleep.


    I woke up suddenly at three o¡¯clock in the morning, and found myself sleeping peacefully on the bed in his bedroom. The surroundings were quiet and there was no one else in the room. I got up to wash my face, and when I saw myself in the mirror, for the first time ever I felt uncertain.


    I¡¯m not sure if I am a little comfortable in furthering this along with him.


    I left early that morning and did not see Xi Xichen.


    In fact, I didn¡¯t see him again for a while, and in the end, I finally went to see Mary. She looked much older, and all her children had rushed over to her from the United States.


    As soon as she saw me, she quoted from her favorite Shakespeare, ¡°The power of love is peace. It never cares about reason, convention, and honor or disgrace. It can make all fear, shock and pain, sweet when you experience it.


    ¡°Child, you need this kind of power, to be happy. You are too unhappy. That day, the gentleman came to me and begged me to heal you. His eyes were full of panic and sadness. He told me that because of some kind of reason, he can¡¯t take care of you in person. My dear child, if he still cares about you now, you should look back for him. Don¡¯t cry for me, I am going elsewhere, where there are flowers and birds. Maybe I will be able to find my husband and I won¡¯t be lonely.¡±


    Mary¡¯s view on death is very light, perhaps because she is used to seeing death as a doctor.


    We solemnly said goodbye before I left, knowing that we might never see each other again in this life.


    On the train going back, I kept looking out the window. The sunny day in late spring looked particularly high and far away. Even in the evening, when the sun set, the red clouds in the sky did not look so heavy and suppressed. The distant mountains at this time also looked red, but when the sun finally went down, everything looked calm again.


    After I returned to school, I got busier and busier since I was about to graduate. It was not surprising to me that I would think of him occasionally. Previously, when I thought of him, it was in a depressing way, like being afloat on the water. Thinking of him now though, brought along with it a sense of turmoil.


    But then one day, as I packed up my books and notebooks in a hurry and rushed out of the library, I saw him standing next to the large column at the entrance, wearing a slim dark windbreaker and holding a black umbrella. My heart fluttered slightly.


    I didn¡¯t know when it started to rain outside, but it was late in the evening, and it had already gone dark. He came over holding the umbrella over my head.


    ¡°I went back to China some time ago to deal with some things. I didn¡¯t tell you because I didn¡¯t know if you wanted to know,¡± he explained quietly.


    ¡°How did you know I was here?¡±


    ¡°Your friend, after the interview, she left her phone number. I called her and asked where you were. She said that you are basically always in the library before dark these days.¡±


    I had seen the school magazine¡¯s recent issue two days ago. Tina did a really good job. She¡¯d interviewed several ¡°celebrities¡±and he¡¯d ranked first on the page. The content had been acutely concise but there were no photos attached.


    We walked along in silence. Remembering that we used to argue coldly together before, the silence made me feel slightly embarrassed.


    But this was nothing compared to what happened next.


    ¡°Anastasia, I like you! I love you!¡± A French boy stood blocking our way in the rain with arms outstretched in front of him. He had been pursuing me since last year. Even though I clearly told him that I was not interested in having a boyfriend, he still tried from time to time.


    ¡°Anastasia, who is he?¡± the boy asked.


    ¡°No one.¡± I spoke in French, so that Xi would not understand. ¡°Jean, I said you can¡¯t embarrass me like this anymore.¡±


    ¡°But I love you.¡±


    ¡°No, you don¡¯t love me, you just can¡¯t accept my rejection. Jean, it¡¯s raining, you should go back.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you feel comfortable in the rain? Would you like us to go together?¡± He reached out to try and pull me, but Xi Xichen stopped his hand. He stood a bit taller than Jean.


    ¡°Okay, okay.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Anastasia, then I will come to you next time and tell you I love you.¡±


    Although I had been in France for so long, it was still difficult for me to understand some of the French thinking.


    ¡°Am I no one?¡±


    I froze.


    ¡°Do you know French?¡±


    ¡°Only a little bit,¡± he whispered. ¡°I kind of envy him when I see that he can confess to you so unscrupulously.¡±


    I pursed my mouth and didn¡¯t speak.


    The rain suddenly got heavier and the drops on the umbrella thundered into the nylon fabric. I shuddered as I felt rain drip onto my shoulders, and then when his hand reached out for my waist, I took a subconscious step back straight into the downpour.


    His eyes darkened, but he immediately gave me the umbrella, his hair quickly becoming wet. ¡°The man did say it was comfortable to get in the rain.¡±


    ¡°Xi Xichen.¡±


    He wiped his face. ¡°You can rest well when you get to the dormitory.¡±


    I tried to approach him, but he shook his head.


    ¡°You are walking with me but your body is always stiff. I will stay in France for a week at the hotel room. Anjie, if you want to see me¡­you know where to find me.¡±


    I looked at his back as he left. He had always been arrogant, but sometimes he was also very melancholy. I didn¡¯t know that I possessed the ability to make such a rock-solid person easily frustrated.


    Back at the dormitory, Liang Aiwen said as soon as she saw me, ¡°I heard that Jean is going to trouble you again? His friend posted it on Twitter. What does he like about you? You are obviously boring to death.¡±


    I ignored her and lay on the bed.


    I thought that if I didn¡¯t look for him, he might not come to me for a while. However, I received his call early the next morning.


    ¡°Anjie, are you free now?¡±


    ¡°I have something.¡± I was about to go to the tutor.


    He hesitated for a moment.


    ¡°I¡¯m in the hospital now, can you come over?¡±


    ¡°Hospital?¡± I was a little surprised and a trace of worry flashed in my heart.


    Then I heard him choke twice, ¡°If you are not free, forget it.¡±


    ¡°Wait,¡± I said as he was about to hang up, ¡°Which hospital?¡±

 CH 32

    Half an hour later, I arrived at the hospital in a taxi. As soon as I found him, I immediately noticed an unhealthy gray pallor on his face.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter with you¡­?¡±


    He smiled bitterly.


    ¡°I had a cold and fever when I went back last night and I thought it would get better if I slept. I didn¡¯t expect it to be even worse in the morning¡­I was afraid of pneumonia, so I came to the hospital to get it checked out. Fortunately, it was just a throat infection and a high fever.¡±


    In foreign countries, intravenous drips are not recommended, unless it is serious enough to require surgery, so the doctor only gave him an injection in his arm and then prescribed some medicine.


    He fell asleep after taking the medicine. I sat in the chair next to him studying his face. His eyebrows were slightly narrowed and his face was tired. As I looked at him I realized that for the first time I had missed him.


    I had to admit that he was more or less involved with me. In fact, this relationship had been going on for a long time,I had just never given in to it.


    I looked at the scar on his palm, the wound from the tunnel. To be precise, he¡¯d done it to himself. Thinking of that experience still made me feel flustered, but I couldn¡¯t help but stretch out my hand and brush my fingers along the scarred wound.


    I felt his fingers slowly close together, holding my hand in the palm of his.


    ¡°I thought you came reluctantly,¡± he said, his eyes still closed.


    ¡°Don¡¯t always think that,¡± I sneered softly. ¡°Don¡¯t you know how to take care of yourself?¡±


    In France, people often go to the hospital. Maybe he doesn¡¯t need to be here.


    ¡°Yes, but when I¡¯m thinking about some things, and those things make me feel depressed, I have no time to care about how uncomfortable I am physically.¡±


    My heart couldn¡¯t help but tighten.


    ¡°Do you ever feel pain like that?¡± He opened his eyes to look at me.


    ¡°Xi Xichen¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you think I¡¯m shameless? It¡¯s just a cold, and yet I used questions to make you come out.¡±


    He really treated feelings like a child, cautious and extremely sensitive. He was emotional every time he tried and I refused him coldly. Then he would consciously retreat to the most suitable distance, before waiting for his next step.


    How much better am I than him?


    When I thought about it, maybe I felt that I hated him because of the anger and cowardly tolerance I had towards my father. When my grievances and resentment had nowhere to go, I selfishly passed them on to him.


    ¡°I have a pain.¡± My confession brought him a surprised look, and I sighed. ¡°It¡¯s also a little shameless.¡±


    I knew I had something other than ¡°grateful¡± for him.


    Last night, I had thought a lot about my aunt, Piao Zheng, Ye Lin, Xi Xichen, mother, father, Shen Qingyu, Lin Xiaodi, Mo Jiazhen¡­


    I thought about all the people who I had experienced getting along with. I didn¡¯t know why I was so involved with Xi Xichen. Maybe it was the arrangement of fate, but the sad reality was that the coldness we both had made getting along with each other difficult. Expressing emotions easily or trying to find harmony had become like a kind of torture.


    Until recently¡­


    After the collapse accident, Xi Xichen became very soft, as if he had let go of something or had insisted on something more. It was just his failing emotional intelligence that made him wonder how to deal with this relationship.


    I now clearly recalled the first time I had fainted abroad, when someone had picked me up. That face in the rain was exactly the same one before me now.


    I had heard him call my name, over and over again, very softly and tenderly.


    I had been afraid of living in an unfamiliar environment, with people I didn¡¯t know, foreign classmates who were arrogant and wanton, and a kind of selfish life.


    My first roommate had ??helped me a lot when I was learning languages. Once, after a night of drinking, she¡¯d accidentally said, ¡°Anastasia, he told me to take you to dinner, take you to learn the plants and trees here, and walk you through the streets. I won¡¯t let you get lost. If I had love as good as his, I wouldn¡¯t be sad anymore.¡±


    I¡¯ve received a birthday gift every year without a name, and it was always the thing I needed the most at the time.


    During the time I had been hospitalized after the car accident, I became sluggish and couldn¡¯t sleep almost every night. I would lie awake for a long time until my eyes would be too sleepy to stay open, and only then would I finally sleep.


    At one point I¡¯d felt someone holding my hand. It had been a warm and tender hold. I didn¡¯t know who he was, but he had strangely made me feel at ease. When I woke up, I¡¯d found no one in the room, and I remembered feeling that something was missing from my heart.


    ¡°Anjie?¡± I heard a faint, gentle voice pierce through my thoughts.


    I suddenly felt a sense of relaxation.


    I said, ¡°Xi Xichen, I¡¯m here because I wanted to come.¡±


    I think his expression became extremely joyful.


    I knew the relationship between us would not be facilitated in this way. There were still many problems between us, but I just thought I should treat him better.


    When it was time to leave the hospital, Xi Xichen and I went our separate ways because I still had to go see the tutor. Before I left though, he asked softly, ¡°Can you come to the hotel to see me tomorrow?¡±


    I finally agreed.


    The second time I knocked on the door of 1507, it was still not him who opened the door, but a middle-aged man in a suit and leather shoes.


    Xi Xichen was sitting on the sofa, looking through documents. His white cotton shirt and silver-rimmed glasses were indescribably gentle and elegant. It was my first time seeing him like that.


    ¡°Mr Xi, someone is looking for you.¡±


    Xi Xichen raised his head, and when he saw me, he put down the file in his hand and walked towards me with a faint smile on his lips.


    He first said to the man: ¡°This project is okay, it can be implemented. Go back and have a meeting with them.¡±


    The man nodded, took the papers on the coffee table and left.


    I put the bunch of lilies I¡¯d bought into the vase in the room.


    After all, I¡¯ve come to visit a patient.


    ¡°Working while sick is bad.¡±


    Xi Xichen was taken aback for a moment, and the smile on his face grew bigger. ¡°Can I take these words of yours as concern for me?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Xi Xichen sighed softly. ¡°I know you are just trying to accept me now. I am too eager¡­¡±


    He looked at me directly, ¡°But, Anjie, my heart has always been greedy,¡±  he smiled wryly, ¡± and I¡¯m afraid that I can¡¯t control it now.¡±


    ¡°What do you want me to do?¡± I sighed. I forgot that he sometimes looked like a child, and the child is best at trying to cross lines and playing tricks. I never knew that the aloof Xi Xichen had such a side. In fact, I had never imagined him like this at all.


    Xi Xichen¡¯s smile spread even wider, and he lifted my long hair hanging at my waist.


    ¡°No, you know, you don¡¯t have to do anything. I will not force you, nor will I try to cheapen your life and your ideas. In fact, this version of you now is a gift to me, but a person¡¯s greed is endless, especially when he thinks about such things for so long¡­¡±


    He raised his head with a gaze that was both bold and presumptuous.


    I suddenly became a little nervous and unconsciously straightened up, staring back at him. ¡°I just hope that when I respond, you don¡¯t push away and don¡¯t make me feel like I¡¯m performing a one-man show.¡±


    He looked down and saw my hand, ¡°Is your hand hurt? Why?¡± He pulled up my left hand, frowned slightly, and looked at the slightly deep wound on the outside of the back of my hand. I could see he wanted to touch it, but didn¡¯t.


    I tried to break free, so I could let him go, ¡°I accidentally scratched it when I bought the flowers.¡± Ye Lin always liked to send me flowers, and would never miss a single festival. Later, when I came to France, I continued it myself, and it became a habit of mine to buy flowers.


    The wound on my hand had been caused by a glass vase at the flower shop I regularly frequented. I hadn¡¯t noticed the crack in the vase at the time.


    Xi Xichen glanced at the bunch of fresh lilies on the table in front of the window, thinking quietly for a moment, before announcing he would take me out for dinner.


    We went to eat at the hotel restaurant. On the way, he continuously covered his mouth to cough. As soon as I sat down in the bright restaurant, I asked the waiter to pour him a glass of warm water. I really didn¡¯t understand why he was coughing like this.


    ¡°Have you taken your cold medicine?¡±


    ¡°I took it last night, but not today,¡± he replied.


    After we ordered the food, the waiter told us, ¡°You lovers are so beautiful.¡±


    The French are romantic and speak with impunity. I hoped he hadn¡¯t understood, but obviously I always underestimated him.


    Xi Xichen looked at me with a slight smile on the corner of his mouth.


    I now became a little skeptical of the truthfulness behind ¡°only a little French¡±.


    He seemed to be able to see through me. ¡°I really only know a little French, I can understand some, but my speaking and writing are basically not good.¡± His eyes softened, ¡°He said that we are lovers, you have no objection?¡±


    I just didn¡¯t think I needed to explain myself to strangers about misunderstandings or facts. Anyway, it was just fate.


    But he seemed to have grasped the key. ¡°Anjie, I¡¯m very happy.¡±


    I self-consciously folded the napkin under the table, ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°We are together now, are we?¡±


    Since we literally were sitting together, I would not refute it. But I knew what he meant¡­


    ¡°Xi Xichen, when did you start to become so concerned about gains and losses?¡±


    ¡°Because it is you, I will suffer from gains and losses.¡± He took my hand across the table, his eyes dark, ¡°Anjie, have we already started? At least, I think you have allowed me to start.¡±


    I was a little flustered. My hand twitched, but I didn¡¯t pull it out of his grasp.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think¡­it¡¯s too fast?¡±


    ¡°I do not think so.¡±


    ¡°Can I say that you are in trouble?¡± I couldn¡¯t help sighing.


    He took my hand to his lips, closed his eyes and sighed softly.


    ¡°I really¡­miss you, miss you very much.¡±


    I seemed to be under some sort of drug, and I let him kiss my hand motionlessly. I don¡¯t know how long it took and I didn¡¯t remember how I answered him. I only remembered vaguely hearing him say, ¡°Don¡¯t buy flowers in the future. Although I want to cherish all your things, please let me give you the flowers.¡±


    After lunch, I wanted to go back to school. At first he insisted on accompanying me back, but I objected. He still had a bit of a fever and his voice sounded hoarse. He finally relented in the end, and I went back alone.

 CH 33

    When I entered the dormitory, I found Liang Aiwen sitting on her bed chatting with another girl, Audrey. Audrey was talking about the boredom of being with of a German man, ¡°He doesn¡¯t have sex with me.¡±


    ¡°A German man is strict, but when put with others, they become a group of lunatics. Didn¡¯t they start the two world wars?¡± Liang Aiwen asked.


    ¡°I would rather he be a lunatic!¡±


    I passed by them and went into the bathroom to wash my hands.


    ¡°No man is loyal, and Carll is still dating three women at the same time, and so is Ken!¡± Liang Aiwen was dissatisfied.


    ¡°Ken? I think he called me once,¡± Audrey smiled triumphantly.


    ¡°Anastasia Jian looks down on the man you still rush to ask for.¡±


    They didn¡¯t mind my existence, and they talked without fear.


    ¡°The oriental man I saw last time is outstanding! What a pity¡­¡± Liang Aiwen said sadly.


    Just as I was drying my hands, my phone rang from my bag. I took it out to see, and found it was him.


    ¡°You arrived?¡± his gentle voice said.


    ¡°Um.¡±


    ¡°Is this call bothering you?¡± He could hear that I was not natural, and this would be the first time we talked peacefully on the phone.


    ¡°Um.¡±


    ¡°Anjie,¡± he whispered softly, ¡°Can you come here early tomorrow? If you are busy with graduation work, you can come here and do it.¡±


    ¡°Is something wrong?¡±


    ¡°Everything¡¯s okay, I just want you to come over. Or I could accompany you, like in the past?¡± He chuckled lightly, as if he felt embarrassed.


    I looked at the orchid leaves on the washstand, and whispered, ¡°Let¡¯s talk about it.¡±


    There seemed to be a sigh. ¡°Okay. Don¡¯t hang up yet¡­Don¡¯t you want to say something to me?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I was a little embarrassed to think that we had just separated a moment ago, and I was still not used to this kind of lover-like dialogue.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s nothing.¡± After a pause, he said again, his tone still gentle, ¡°Then, I will contact you tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±


    Hanging up, I held the phone for a while before I turned around and found Audrey leaning against the bathroom door looking at me. ¡°Man?¡±


    I didn¡¯t laugh, and walked around her to my desk.


    ¡°I was just saying how they are not a good thing. They really treat you as the reincarnation of Maria.¡± Audrey said.


    I didn¡¯t reply and sat down to read a book.


    When I got up early the next morning, I picked up my phone, and was surprised to find a text message that my aunt had arrived in France along with three missed calls from her. I quickly changed and hurried to the airport.


    My aunt¡¯s flight was set to arrive at 8 o¡¯clock, and it was already 8:30.


    The fiery, mature lady waiting for me at the gate of the airport made me smile. Seeing her was better than anything, really.


    When Auntie saw me, she ran forward to hug me, ¡°Anjie!¡±


    ¡°Why are you here suddenly?¡±


    ¡°Are you surprised? Surprised!¡± Auntie looked me up and down. ¡°I received the package you sent. When I saw your clothes, I realized I missed you very much. It just so happened that the company had a few days of holidays, so I came.¡±


    Her familiar voice made me feel calm. ¡°Are you tired? Shall we go find you a hotel to rest first?¡±


    ¡°No, I have already slept on the plane. Let¡¯s sit down in a coffee shop and have a good chat with your aunt.¡±


    One of the most beautiful coffee shops in Paris is located on the banks of the Seine, where you can watch the sunrise and sunset.


    My aunt looked at me and said, ¡°Anjie, you seem to be a little happier. I was worried that something like the past would happen again this time and I was uncomfortable. Seeing you like this, no matter what the reason is, makes your aunt so much more relieved.¡±


    ¡°I am happy to see you.¡± This was the truth.


    My aunt smiled. ¡°You are happy to see me, but there¡¯s something different.¡±


    I didn¡¯t understand what difference she meant.


    My mobile phone vibrated on the round coffee table, and when I checked, it was a text message from Xi Xichen.


    [Xi Xichen: Are you here?]


    [Jian Anjie: Not coming anymore. Something¡¯s come up.]


    Auntie waited for me to put down the phone before asking, ¡°Who is it? Piao Zheng?¡±


    I thought for a while before answering, ¡°Auntie¡­Xi Xichen, do you remember him?¡±


    ¡°Shen Qingyu¡¯s nephew.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Recently, I have been wondering about something. Is it possible that the money you received back then was sent by him?¡±


    If all my most desperate moments in life had all been resolved by him, then what could I give him to pay him back?


    ¡°Is he in France now?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Um.¡±


    ¡°Were you texting him just now?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    She sighed lightly, ¡°Anjie, I trust you. I believe you know everything you are doing.¡±


    I pondered her wording for a moment, before I said, ¡°It¡¯s not just the money,¡± I paused. ¡°I was detained for review when my roommate committed suicide. Auntie, you couldn¡¯t come here at the time because you were in Germany, but a lawyer did come forward to bail me out. He said it was legal aid sent by the government. I didn¡¯t think about it much, but later I realized that the magnanimity of the French government was impossible. And then there¡¯s my accident.¡±


    My aunt¡¯s brows began to furrow, her expression mixing with solemnity.


    ¡°This Xi Xichen¡­I only met him a few times six years ago. To be honest, he is not a friendly person. In fact, if you want to make an analogy, Anjie, you just don¡¯t like others approaching you superficially, but he is indifferent to his bones.¡±


    ¡°What does Auntie want to say?¡± I sighed.


    ¡°Anjie, the only thing you told me about him is that he kept you out of the shadows for a long time. Every time you woke up from a dream, you felt a deep sense of guilt. You hated him before, didn¡¯t you?¡±


    I looked at the ice cubes floating in the coffee cup.


    ¡°And now you want to turn a hate into a love?¡±


    I looked up into my aunt¡¯s probing and worried eyes. ¡°Auntie¡­¡±


    ¡°Although Xi Xichen¡¯s personality is still unclear to me, Anjie, I can tell you clearly that he is not suitable for you. He is too complicated, yes, too complicated. If you¡¯re telling me everything you¡¯ve been through, or more, has been controlled by him, then, I can only come to the conclusion that he must be really powerful.¡±

 CH 34

    Xi Xichen stood in front of the window, flipping through the French dictionary that I kept by my bedside. He was wearing a light, coffee-colored, casual outfit, his elegant side blushed by the sunset. His soft, black hair covered his forehead and part of his eyes.


    I had accompanied my aunt to her hotel and then returned to school. My plan had been to come back and get a change of clothes and my laptop before going back. I had opened the door to my dorm, and that was when I found him standing there.


    I froze until he turned his head.


    ¡°Where¡¯s¡­my roommate?¡±


    He put the book back on my bedside.


    ¡°She¡¯s out.¡± He said simply. ¡°Will you go out with me?¡± He came over and took my hand, his tone very gentle and I found I couldn¡¯t refuse.


    Sometimes I felt that Xi Xichen was actually more domineering than Ye Lin.


    The campus in the evening was quiet. The sky was not completely dark yet, its dark blue coloring appearing as a velvet-like texture. The surrounding Romanesque buildings stood quietly with their accompanying street lamps on both sides of the road. The lamps were lit up in warm pools of light, reflecting the rows of linden trees standing shoulder to shoulder next to them.


    ¡°After graduation, I will go to Finland.¡± I felt I needed to tell him about this.


    He squeezed my hand tightly.


    When will you go back to China? I thought to myself.


    ¡°Your aunt has also come to France, hasn¡¯t she?¡± Xi Xichen stood still, then stretched out his hand to hook a few strands of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes, behind my ears.


    The conversation between him and I had always had some inconspicuous and evasive wording. After a moment¡¯s pause, I said, ¡°She arrived this morning.¡±


    I didn¡¯t ask him how he knew about it. Many things seemed to have become the law. He doesn¡¯t say, I don¡¯t ask.


    ¡°If it¡¯s Jian Anjie¡¯s aunt, then, should I pay a visit?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Xi Xichen chuckled. ¡°Do you need to think about everything before answering me?¡± Fingertips slid across my left cheek.


    I was surprised by the cold on that finger, and my face turned aside.


    I felt the hand in front of me freeze. Then I heard him say in a familiar tone, ¡°I see.¡±


    My chest suddenly became a little stuffy, and I wanted to get rid of his hand, but he refused, ¡°What can I do with you?¡± At that moment, I just wanted to say something to break the dullness. I don¡¯t like the unknown.


    ¡°I never came to you for anything,¡± he said bitterly, ¡°I just wanted to see you.¡±


    I looked at him and didn¡¯t answer. In fact, I didn¡¯t know how to answer.


    ¡°If you go to Finland, and I return to my country, are you going to see me?¡±


    What he said made me a little angry for some reason. I¡¯d said that just to tell him what my future plans were.


    I pulled out my hand forcefully, but as soon as I turned around, he hugged me hard from behind. ¡°Anjie, did we just quarrel?¡±


    I was stunned, both at his actions and his words.


    Quarrel, no cynicism.


    The hand on my waist grabbed my shoulder instead. He turned me around to face him. His slender fingers held my face, and the kiss he gave me was gently printed, as gentle as a breeze blowing over shallow water.


    I had always disliked kissing. In fact, Ye Lin¡¯s previous kisses repelled me.


    However, every time Xi Xichen kissed me, it always made me feel an abnormal rumbling in my chest, even if it was as tender as a breeze on water.


    The winds of change were blowing over my cheeks, bringing with them a new and unknown floral scent.

 CH 35

    Today, Xi Xi Chen was fully discharged from the hospital. Yesterday¡¯s ¡°quarrel¡± should be considered a reconciliation, I think.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Why are you absent-minded?¡±


    I inwardly shook myself and said with a smile, ¡°No, it¡¯s nothing.¡±


    My aunt and I were going today to the Grand Palace to see a painting exhibition. Because it was still early, we were sitting out on open-air chairs on the Champs Elys¨¦es Avenue, chatting. Next to her was an old gentleman wearing a black hat and looking down at a newspaper.  .


    ¡°But your expression tells me it¡¯s not nothing.¡±


    I have always been unable to ¡°cross-examine¡± my aunt, so my only choice was to change the subject and say, ¡°After the exhibition, where do you want to go?¡±


    ¡°Why? You don¡¯t want to be with your aunt? Do you have a date?¡±


    I was taken aback.


    ¡°No. No date.¡±


    My aunt sighed and patted my hand on my knee.


    ¡°I also thought a lot last night. That person did so much that you cannot be indifferent.¡±


    I looked at two pigeons bobbing up and down as they walked down the street.


    ¡°Yes. After all, I¡¯m just an ordinary person.¡±


    ¡°He is not necessarily an ordinary person.¡±


    I turned my head to look at my aunt, ¡°Auntie, you really don¡¯t like him, do you.¡± This was an affirmative sentence.


    ¡°No one likes a person who calculates everything. Even if his starting intention is good, what would you do if one day this person doesn¡¯t love you?¡± Auntie asked seriously. ¡°Anjie, you guys,  are you already together? Your aunt doesn¡¯t want to influence your life, but I still want to say that I don¡¯t approve of you being with him.¡±


    To be honest, I myself didn¡¯t know where I was going with this relationship.


    Auntie asked if we were now together, but in fact, we were just learning how to be together.  Unexpected things had developed in this situation, making the whole thing difficult to sort out. It was hard to think about separation.


    It wasn¡¯t that I couldn¡¯t live without him, but that I couldn¡¯t now be cruel to him.


    I didn¡¯t want to bother my aunt. At the very least I didn¡¯t want to spoil her mood right now, so


    I finally answered her, ¡°I will accompany you on a tour of Paris all day today.¡±


    After the exhibition, we went to several attractions symboling Paris, such as the Elysee Palace, Place de la Concorde, and the Notre Dame de Paris. My aunt always used to come and then leave Paris in a hurry so this time out with her was great fun.


    When we finally returned to the hotel at night, auntie was so tired that she lay down in the bed, succumbing to the limitations brought on by old age.


    Because it was too early to go to bed, I didn¡¯t want to waste time tossing and turning on the mattress, so I said goodnight to my aunt and then went out for a stroll.


    The hotel where my aunt was staying was near the Champs Elys¨¦es. I slowly walked towards the Arc de Triomphe and looked at the Eiffel Tower in the distance. When this iconic building was first built, the French found it ugly. They had even proposed to have it demolished, but then it later became the supreme honor of the French. People¡¯s views on what was good or bad was for sure determined by backgrounds and time periods.


    I thought of Xi Xichen again. I couldn¡¯t ascertain whether he was good or bad, but I couldn¡¯t deny his goodness towards me.


    What was amazing was, right after thinking about him, my phone suddenly rang.


    ¡°Where are you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m about to walk to the Arc de Triomphe.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll come and find you?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    Ten minutes later, I was standing under the Arc de Triomphe. It was after nightfall so there were fewer tourists now. I looked up, admiring the relief 1 at the top. This piece of art still looked so exquisite, even after 200 years of wind and rain. No matter how many times I visited, I was still fascinated by it.


    I walked around like this for a while until I felt someone staring at me intently. I turned and found a foreign man.


    He smiled and walked towards me, approaching in a friendly and direct manner.


    ¡°Hello.¡± He spoke in English.


    I answered back in french, ¡°Hello.¡±


    ¡°Your voice is very beautiful.¡± The corners of his mouth tweaked up, this time speaking in French.


    ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Would you like to walk around here with me?¡±


    Just as I was about to speak, I felt an arm on my shoulder as someone hugged me from behind, and then said in fluent English, ¡°Sorry, she can only be accompanied by me.¡±


    When I turned my head to see his handsome and outstanding face, I asked automatically, ¡°So fast?¡±


    Xi Xichen then took my hand and slid his five fingers between mine.


    ¡°She won¡¯t be accompanying you,¡± he said to the foreigner in a very polite tone.


    He then pulled me forward.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± I asked.


    His steps gave off a little irritability, and he no longer seemed calm. He looked more like he was uncomfortable.


    I can¡¯t figure him out.


    ¡°I can¡¯t stand it now when I see other people thinking about you like I do.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Xi Xichen stopped suddenly and looked at me quietly. After a while, he sighed and said, ¡°Anjie, I love you.¡±


    I paused. This is the second time he had said ¡°love¡±. I hadn¡¯t said anything last time, but this time I answered.


    There was a smile in Xi Xichen¡¯s eyes, and he pulled me into his arms. I let him hug me. Paris is the capital of romance. Lovers can be seen hugging and kissing everywhere, and passers-by would not look twice at them.


    Couple?


    I smelled the scent of his body, feeling a sense of peace that I hadn¡¯t felt in a long time.


    ¡°Xi Xichen, are you going to see my aunt?¡±


    For about five seconds, his body didn¡¯t move.


    This is a promise, I will try to go on with him.


    ¡°Auntie will definitely be angry¨C¡± My guilty words were swallowed by a hailstorm of suffocating kisses. After an unknown period of time, he finally lifted his lips away from my mouth and put his forehead against mine. Our breaths mingled together.


    I tried to calm down the intense fluctuations in my heart.


    ¡°Can you not kiss me in public from now on?¡±


    Even though this behavior was commonplace here, I still felt uncomfortable.


    But I have to admit that what makes me most uncomfortable is his closeness.


    I heard him whisper, ¡°I can¡¯t help it.¡±

 CH 36

    It was almost eight o¡¯clock in the evening when I returned to my aunt¡¯s hotel.


    ¡°I¡¯m back.¡±


    My aunt was sitting at the end of the bed watching TV. She looked back and smiled, but when she saw the person next to me, her expression froze.


    ¡°Auntie, this is Xi Xichen.¡±


    My aunt stood up, ¡°I didn¡¯t forget, no need to introduce.¡±


    I was embarrassed and walked over to grab her hand as a kind of apology.


    Auntie looked at Xi Xichen with obvious disapproval in her eyes.


    ¡°Young man, I will give you a chance. If you leave now, I won¡¯t say much.¡±


    Xi Xichen just nodded indifferently and stepped forward.


    ¡°I can be considered your elder,¡± she said, scowling.


    ¡°Yes,¡± he smiled slightly, ¡°you are Anjie¡¯s aunt, so you are naturally my elder.¡±


    This was the first time I¡¯d heard him using respectful pronouns. 1


    ¡°You should know that I don¡¯t like you.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter whether you like me or not.¡±


    My aunt was stunned.


    ¡°Has anyone told you that you are cold and arrogant?¡±


    ¡°Not many.¡±


    ¡°Why go for Anjie?¡±


    Xi Xichen turned his head to look at me. In his eyes there was a gentleness that only I could understand, and such gentleness made me a little fidgety.


    ¡°I¡¯ll boil water and make tea.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not as timid anymore, Anjie.¡±


    Auntie wouldn¡¯t let me go away.


    ¡°Ms. Lin.¡± His plain tone did not bear the slightest emotion. ¡°I don¡¯t want her to be embarrassed, and I don¡¯t want you to embarrass her.¡±


    ¡°What? You want to start teaching me?¡±


    Xi Xichen was expressionless.


    ¡°I will respect the elders whom Anjie loves.¡±


    ¡°If I were not the elder Anjie loved, what would you do to me? Since we are all talking about it, I won¡¯t hide it. Over the past few days, I asked my friends in China to find someone to look you up. Jie doesn¡¯t know. I want to say, young man, your deeds have been embellished. I have lived to this age and yet this is the first time I have seen such a ¡®young and promising¡¯ person.¡±


    Xi Xichen glanced at me. ¡°Ms. Lin, you can directly ask me if you have any questions, there is no need to go through all that trouble.¡±


    ¡°Why, are you nervous? Don¡¯t worry, you should know that with your talents, the world can find only so much about you.¡±


    ¡°What do you want to know?¡±


    ¡°Talking to smart people is easy. I don¡¯t care how you got to where you are today, and I don¡¯t care how rich you are or how capable you are. I just want to know what your purpose is in approaching Anjie. Don¡¯t tell me it is ¡°Love¡±.


    ¡°So,¡± his cold voice became a little softer, ¡°what about obsession? Is this reason acceptable?¡±


    My Auntie paused and looked back at me. I only smiled, but the tension had risen in my heart.


    ¡°Is twelve years enough?¡±


    I didn¡¯t know it had been for that long¡­twelve years¡­?


    My aunt smiled coldly.


    ¡°What has been told to me seems to be different from your comments now. Do you think I will believe these exaggerated words?¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter to me whether you believe it or not.¡±


    My aunt snorted. ¡°You still have an image in my Anjie¡¯s family for the past eight or ten years. Why do you say to that now?¡± My aunt¡¯s words became a bit harsh, ¡°Anjie has been suffering outside for the past few years, how about you? You didn¡¯t come to see her and you were aware of it.¡±


    ¡°I was expanding my career.¡± Xi Xichen¡¯s eyes were calm and he looked at me. ¡°When she went abroad, I had just taken over my parents¡¯ business, and there was a mess underneath, but Jian Zhenlin had not lost power. I wanted to make sure that I had enough capacity to protect her and deserve to stand by her.¡±


    These few words made my aunt shocked and she couldn¡¯t speak for a bit. I was also shocked.


    ¡°You are really great, to help Anjie take revenge on Jian¡¯s family?¡±


    Xi Xichen¡¯s gentle eyes were still locked on mine, ¡°She doesn¡¯t want to retaliate against others, so I didn¡¯t do much. Jian Zhenlin has always been too greedy and insatiable, and his loss to power is only a matter of time. I just watched the changes.  ¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but smile.


    No matter what he did, I felt that I would never question him anymore.


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid I will be angry for a long time.¡±


    I was accompanying Xi Xichen on the elevator ride down to the hotel¡¯s lobby. I stared at the closed doors as we waited for it to arrive.


    Xi Xichen took my hand and intertwined his fingers between mine. He was accustomed to these small movements.


    ¡°Are you angry?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not angry,¡± I answered, shaking my head. I wondered if it was my illusion or if Xi Xichen was worried every time that I would be angry, even over small things.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know your eloquence was so good.¡±


    ¡°Anjie, I don¡¯t know any rhetoric.¡± Xi Xichen took me into his arms as we walked onto the elevator. ¡°I never said such a thing as infatuation¡­¡± He kissed my cheek and eyelids lightly.


    ¡°There is surveillance¡­¡±


    ¡°Then let them see, I don¡¯t mind.¡±


    I mind¡­¡­


    ¡°Anjie, although your hatred for me in those six years made me suffer, I am paradoxically happy because that hate made you remember me for six years. You know, with your temperament, six years must have made you completely forget about some people.¡±


    I felt a bit itchy by his kiss on the back of my neck, ¡°Xi Xichen¡­¡±


    He sighed. ¡°You have to be considerate of me. I have missed you for twelve years. Will you come to my place tonight?¡±


    ¡°You¡­¡± A touch of heat couldn¡¯t help but rise on myace.


    He smiled mischievously. ¡°Are you thinking about it, Anjie?¡± said the person who made me think about it.


    He hugged me harder, ¡°Anjie, you used to have sharp teeth.¡±


    Is this person trying to provoke me?


    ¡°Talk to me, Anjie.¡± His fingers touched my ears, and I felt the heat from his fingertips. Before this, my impression of Xi Xichen had always been cold.


    ¡°Otherwise, I¡¯m afraid I¡¯m thinking about it.¡±


    ¡°Does this count as¡­a gentle scum?¡± I whispered.


    I should be thankful that the hotel staff was unlikely to understand Chinese.

 CH 37

    The wind was calm and the flowers were settled. When the weather changed for late autumn, I had already been in Finland for half a year and had adapted well. Although the main languages ??of Finland are Finnish and Swedish, they fortunately have a high degree of education and English was also their main language for communication. So basic communication could be done, minimizing my problems.


    As for work, I applied for an advertising company that was run by overseas Chinese. The employees at the company were equally divided between Chinese and locals.


    I didn¡¯t have to go to work this weekend so I told my aunt after breakfast that I would go out and I left on my bike. My aunt¡¯s apartment was close to the university. The environment there was not as good as my alma mater in Paris, so I usually walked, or biked when I had time to incorporate some exercise into my life.


    I rode all the way into the school. It had rained last night, but now the sky was now clear. The trees were dripping with green leaves, and their exotic fruit had been knocked down by the rain and was smashed in red stains on the road.


    A voice shouted from behind me, ¡°Hey, hey, miss, please wait a minute!¡±


    I stopped and looked back, and saw a brown-haired boy running towards me, panting. He had a vigorous and pure Western face.


    ¡°Do you need something?¡± I asked in English.


    ¡°I am a student in the Fine Arts Department. I saw you last week. I think Orientals are very beautiful. You look like a person from a painting. Can I ask you to be my model?¡±


    ¡°Model?¡± I noticed the drawing board strapped to his back.


    ¡°Yes, it won¡¯t take much of your time. It¡¯s just a simple character sketch.¡± His eyes were very sincere.


    I thought about it, but my phone rang as I opened my mouth. I looked at the number, nodded, and apologized to the boy. I pushed my bike a few steps forward before answering.


    ¡°I wanted to call in the morning, but I was worried that you would still be sleeping,¡± said a low voice.


    ¡°Um.¡±


    ¡°What are you up to right now?¡± His voice was soft, with a somewhat coaxing tone.


    During this period of time, our relationship had continued through long distance, and we had only met four times in the past six months after my graduation.


    ¡°Not busy. I¡¯m cycling.¡±


    ¡°In college?¡±


    ¡°Yea¡­¡±


    There was a beat of silence, before he said in a low mutter, ¡°Anjie, I miss you.¡±


    Although it was not the first time I heard these words of sweet talk, it still felt a bit unnatural and I changed the subject.


    ¡°Where are you now¡­?¡± I looked at the time and counted backwards, ¡°It¡¯s four o¡¯clock in the morning, right?¡±


    I heard a heavy sigh, ¡°Well, probably¡­¡±


    Probably?


    I didn¡¯t think much about his vague words and glanced instead at the boy still standing behind me. I smiled, ¡°Someone asked me to be a model for his sketch.¡± I could be a little bit biased when it came to art and painting.


    ¡°A friend you know?¡± His tone was normal.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know him. He¡¯s a student I met in school.¡±


    ¡°Student? He shouldn¡¯t be too old.¡±


    ¡°Yes, quite young,¡± I said with no special meaning.


    ¡°It¡¯s rare for boys to go into painting.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± It was really rare. Painting requires care and patience.


    ¡°Xi Chen, wait a minute.¡±


    I walked back to the boy. I was embarrassed to make him wait like this.


    ¡°I¡¯m not free now,¡± I said, ¡°can we do this in the afternoon or tomorrow?¡±


    He immediately agreed.


    ¡°Thank you! My name is Oliver,¡± he said and he wrote his name and telephone on a blank piece of sketch paper and tore it for me. ¡°Thank you, you make time to call me! Goodbye!¡± he said cheerfully.


    His smile was infectious and I relaxed a little, and smiled back.


    ¡°Goodbye¡±.


    His calm voice sounded in my ear, ¡°Did he leave his phone number?¡±


    I smiled vaguely and put the phone close to my ear, ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Anjie, I think I want to see you now, and it should be soon too,¡± His tone was flat, followed by the sound of the phone being hung up.


    This short, slightly cold answer followed by the call being ended puzzled me.


    Just as I was about to jump back onto my bike, I looked up and froze.


    A man was getting out of a taxi on the road in front of me. He was dressed in a white cotton shirt and light, coffee, linen pants, making him look slender and elegant. He stepped out of the car and walked towards me.


    I stood staring in surprise, before quickly brushing it away. I waited for him to reach me.


    ¡°Your expression doesn¡¯t look like you want to see me,¡± he said. He leaned down and his cold lips covered mine.


    The kiss was very shallow. I think he restrained it.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say you won¡¯t be able to come here till next week?¡±


    ¡°I came early.¡± Xi Xichen took my hand. ¡°I missed you very much.¡±


    Getting along was becoming more and more natural.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°Where to?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Come with me,¡± he said confidently, ¡°I think you will be very busy in the next two days.¡±

 CH 38

    We were sitting in a taxi, heading towards the beach. When the car stopped in front of a small European-style villa, I was shocked. I thought we were just going to look at the sea view.


    ¡°You bought a house in Finland¡­?¡±


    After paying the taxi, Xi Xichen pulled me out of the car and said, ¡°I saw this house on the Internet and I asked my friends to help me deal with it. Today is also my first time seeing it in real life.¡±


    The house was built on the gentle slope of a lush hillside with a wide and clean asphalt road extending into the distance and connecting the property with the blue sea.


    ¡°I know you like to size up the yard. Are you satisfied?¡± Xi Xichen asked.


    ¡°Very beautiful.¡±


    I opened the small white door and walked in. A gravel path wound its way under the eaves with a green lawn and flowers on both sides. I looked left and right. The nearby residents had their doors and I only heard the sound of wind chimes.


    I turned around, ¡°Are we going to live here in the future?¡±


    ¡°If you are willing to.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but chuckle slightly. ¡°Mr. Xi, am I right to respond to the saying, ¡®An honorable person takes care of me, and I am fully clothed in my life¡¯?¡±


    Xi Xichen looked at me with deep eyes shining brightly, before suddenly picking me up and turning me around. ¡°Anjie, I am in love.¡±


    I felt a little dizzy, and just said, ¡°Well, the current situation seems to be the same, of course, if you¨C¡±


    The next words were swallowed fiercely by his kiss. To be honest, he uses this trick too many times.


    A minute later, he said in my ear, ¡°Sleep with me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    He laughed. ¡°If you want to ¡®sleep¡¯ like that, I¡¯m happy to cooperate.¡±


    Why did I think he couldn¡¯t be more serious before?


    We went inside and Xi Xichen went to take a ten minute shower. He then closed his eyes as soon as his head touched the pillow.


    ¡°How long has it been since you slept?¡± I didn¡¯t know he would be this tired.


    Both of his arms were wrapped around my waist, and he answered in a sleepy and languid tone, ¡°Forty-eight hours, I think¡­¡±


    I wandered over the balcony of the master bedroom after he had fallen asleep, and stood feeling the sea breeze brought in with the coolness of late autumn. The sky was a bit dark, the light from the lighthouse in the distance was already on, and the surroundings were quiet except for the crashing of the waves.


    I had called my aunt before. She had taken a reckless attitude towards the matter between me and Xi Xichen.


    Last time Xi Xichen came to Finland, my aunt had said to me, ¡°If you really decide to accept him, I won¡¯t be able to do anything about you mandarin ducks. 1 I have always hoped that you have a good life. I said he is not suitable for you, I have seen more people and things than you, and have more experience than you, but I still can¡¯t predict the future after all.¡±


    When the phone rang, I was taken aback before immediately dashing into the room. I picked up his phone and was about to turn it off so as not to wake him up, when I saw who the caller was. Auntie Qing?


    I hesitated then pressed the answer button.


    ¡°Xichen, are you there?¡± Shen Qingyu asked, ¡°Did you find her?¡±


    Find who?


    ¡°That kid, running out of control like that last time is really unnerving. It was indeed our mis-consideration to arrange for her to have a blind date with Mr. Chen, but I didn¡¯t know she¡¯d be that repulsed.


    ¡°Xi Chen, I know you have never liked to take care of Jian¡¯s affairs, but your Uncle Jian is so busy now. He doesn¡¯t know I¡¯m looking for her, but I don¡¯t know who else can do it besides you. She would be even more repulsed by me if I came out, so I can only trouble you.


    ¡°Anjie is his daughter, severing ties¡­it doesn¡¯t look good. She has finished her studies now so see if there is any way to persuade her to come back.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Is there anything else I don¡¯t know?


    I ended the call.


    It was ironic that I was still thinking of a possible future between us.


    Suddenly an excessive force pulled me backwards, and I slammed into a warm chest. I tried to struggle, but the arms that crossed around my waist were like a cage of iron walls.


    ¡°Anjie¨C¡±


    ¡°Let me go.¡±


    ¡°No, I know what you¡¯re thinking!¡± He breathed very quickly with a kind of fear.


    I closed my eyes in pain.


    ¡°What are you thinking about, Anjie?¡± Xi Xichen¡¯s voice trembled, ¡°You have to believe me¡­¡±


    What should I believe?


    I tried to calm myself down. I wanted to get rid of him, I wanted to grab the door and run.


    ¡°Anjie¡­¡±


    ¡°Let me go,¡± I repeated


    ¡°No.¡±


    I felt his trembling fingers slip into my collar and clasp the back of my neck.


    ¡°No matter who says it, no matter what other people think, I just want you to believe me.¡±


    I turned around and met his gaze. Something seemed to be surging in the deep darkness of his eyes.


    ¡°Should I believe you, Xi Xichen?¡± I asked slowly as I stopped struggling.


    His body shook visibly, and in the next second he hugged me tighter with a force that could almost crush me.


    ¡°No,¡± the suppressed voice was no longer so tight, but a little muffled, ¡°it¡¯s not enough, Anjie. Now I want you to love me.¡±


    Under that frank and almost greedy gaze, I turned away a little scared.


    ¡°I love you, Anjie¡­¡±


    He lowered his head and kissed my forehead, the bridge of my nose and my lips. I shuddered slightly, trying to push him away. It was going too fast, and my mind was still messed up. I was annoyed by my confusion and that I seemed to be infected by his madness.


    ¡°I love you,¡± he said over and over again, and the kisses fell on his shoulder and neck.


    ¡°Wait.¡± I tried to stop him, but I realized that the gasping voice was no longer my own.


    ¡°Anjie, I have waited for twelve years, and you must know that men are very despicable and shameless. You will not believe that I have committed blasphemy to you several times in my dreams and outside of my dreams. But even though I feel that¡­Anjie, I won¡¯t hurt you. If you don¡¯t want to, I won¡¯t continue¡­as long as you don¡¯t leave me.¡±


    After a long time, I finally slowly raised my arm around his shoulder.


    I felt his body freeze instantly.


    The next moment, he groaned out in a lustful voice, ¡°Do you know what this means?¡±


    It means I want to believe him, I want to try to walk with him, and hope for a future where someone can hold hands with me instead of being alone.


    I thought of some ancient poems I had read when I was a child. I thought of him, I thought of the phrase ¡°life is only love to die¡±. As I thought of myself at this moment, a phrase jumped into my mind.


    ¡®Change my heart for your heart, and we will remember each other deeply.¡¯

 CH 39

    I felt as if I was awake but still in a dream. I felt a restless hand slowly stroke my forehead before moving along the corners of my eyes and cheeks and stopped at my lips, caressing them gently with a sense of mischief. This kind of touch made me pant, and I opened my mouth slightly. I heard a low laugh and then my lips were covered¡­


    I woke up from my sleep and the room was dark. I didn¡¯t know where I was until I saw the person who was looking at me. Last night¡¯s memory came flooding back and I couldn¡¯t help feeling hot.


    He took me into his arms and kissed my hand. My hand trembled.


    ¡°How sensitive.¡±


    ¡°¡­.It¡¯s itchy.¡±


    ¡°Where is it itchy?¡±


    Before I could speak, he put one of my fingers into his mouth and gently sucked it.


    I was shocked and recalling last night, I pulled back my hand in panic.


    Xi Xichen sighed, his expression regretful.


    ¡°Oh right, Anjie, someone is looking for you.¡±


    He smiled faintly as he handed me the phone that was vibrating again on the bedside table. He then ¡®thoughtfully¡¯ pressed the call button for me.


    I was caught off guard.


    ¡°Anjie, it¡¯s me.¡±Piao Zheng¡¯s voice sounded in my ear.¡± Are you up?¡±


    I looked up at him and he continued  looking at me with a smile.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I replied softly.


    ¡°I am trying to reach your Auntie but her phone is turned off? I have something to ask her. Is she next to you? Put me on speaker.¡±


    ¡°Auntie¡­¡±


    I was lying to myself if I said I wasn¡¯t nervous, and I could only mumble,¡±I¡¯m outside. I¡¯ll be back soon. Can she call you later?¡±


    The arm on my waist tightened, and then one of his hands reached under the quilt. I earnestly shook my head at him, but Xi Xichen smiled and whispered,¡±No¡±.


    The hand on my back left me at a loss.


    ¡°You are outside early in the morning? What are you doing? Exercise?¡±


    These words made my face turn red.


    I felt his hand reaching down.


    ¡°Don¡¯t¡­¡± I suddenly felt  weak.


    ¡°Anjie, are you listening?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m here. Aunt will call you later. See you later.¡±


    I hung up the phone in a hurry and grabbed the hot hand.


    ¡°Xichen¡­stop messing around.¡±


    Xi Xichen chuckled softly and held my hand, pressing it against his chest. I was startled and wanted to retract it, but he squeezed me firmly.


    ¡± Anjie, I love you.¡± I could clearly feel his pulse beating fast and rhythmic.


    I could feel his hot desire emanating from him which sparked in me an indescribable tingle throughout my body. The night filled with our passion and I could almost feel it thickening in the air. A husky voice laced with a thick laugh rang out, and his eyes burned hotter than ever before. I tried to fill in the emptiness in my heart with his love, and I couldn¡¯t help letting out a small choking sound as I gasped, a drop of fine sweat running down my forehead. I switched off my mind and let the redness of our passion crash over me, staining me like a drop of blood spattered on white snow.

 CH 40

    When I returned to my aunt¡¯s residence that afternoon, I unexpectedly found my mother. We hadn¡¯t seen each other for about two years.


    ¡°I¡¯m back.¡±


    My mother, Lin Yujuan, put down the tea cup in her hand and stood up, ever decent and thoughtful.


    ¡°What brings you here?¡± I asked, pausing in the doorway for a moment before walking in.


    My mother looked at me without much enthusiasm or obvious detachment.


    ¡°Anjie, I want you to come back to China with me.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± This time I wanted to ask more clearly before making a decision.


    She came up to me and smoothed my hair.


    ¡°Your mother wants you to stay with her for a while. It¡¯s been a year or two since I¡¯ve seen you, hasn¡¯t it? You seem to have gotten a little prettier again.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­I know.¡± I bowed my head in silence for a moment, before asking, ¡°When are you leaving? I¡¯ll go back with you.¡±


    ¡°Sister, are you staying here tonight?¡± My Aunty had come to stand at the kitchen door at some point.


    ¡°No, I¡¯m going back to the hotel, I¡¯ll come back tomorrow.¡±


    Mother turned back to me, ¡°Anjie, get ready. If tomorrow is too soon, we can postpone it for another day.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not too soon,¡± I said.


    ¡°Good girl,¡± Mother said with a smile.


    After my mother left, my Aunty came over to me and said, ¡°Anjie, don¡¯t let others sway your mind, even if it¡¯s someone you want to hold dear. You keep pushing yourself like this, and it¡¯s really hard for your Aunty to watch.¡±


    I hugged my Aunty lightly.


    ¡°What should I do? I want to call you mommy so much.¡±


    ¡°Silly child.¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m a good girl,¡± I laughed bitterly. ¡°Since I¡¯m going back, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll be able to go over and meet Piao Zheng. That¡¯s probably my only consolation.¡±


    Afterwards, while eating lunch with my Aunty, Xi Xichen called.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been there for a while, right? What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Eating.¡±


    He paused for a moment.


    ¡°I have to go back on the afternoon flight.¡±


    What a coincidence, he¡¯s going back to China too?


    My Aunty looked at me. ¡°What? He hasn¡¯t seen you for half a day, and he¡¯s already checking in?¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± I returned to Xi Xichen.


    ¡°You¡¯re not gonna ask me when I¡¯m coming back?¡± He didn¡¯t get the expected reply and sighed. ¡°Anjie, whether you will miss me while I¡¯m away or not, I am destined to miss you to the point of not being able to sleep.¡±


    Here, my undeniable bad mood began to brighten up.


    ¡°Are these just sweet words?¡±


    ¡°No, they couldn¡¯t be more true.¡±


    I laughed.


    ¡°What time is the flight? Why don¡¯t you go get something to eat now, the food on the plane is not good.¡±


    He guffawed.


    ¡°I¡¯m not that picky. I can more or less settle on everything except my feelings.¡±


    ¡°You are like a fox,¡± I laughed.


    When I hung up the phone I heard my Aunty mutter, ¡°Does he know you¡¯re going back?¡±


    I shook my head, ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not telling him?¡±


    ¡°Not yet.¡±


    I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll run into him there anyway. I think my mother will want me with her for a few days, so it will only be a matter of time before I run into him.


    The next day, my mother and I flew back to Shanghai from Helsinki.


    On the afternoon of my first day in Shanghai, my mother told me the truth.


    ¡°You should go to your father¡¯s place. He called me again and asked me to pick you up. Anjie, the last time you saw each other you had a bad argument. We should all sit down together and talk.¡±


    My father had been paying my mother¡¯s alimony and she needed to live, so I couldn¡¯t say anything, except that my disappointment and sadness were a given.


    After two flights in one day, I sat wearily in a chair at the airport in Guangqing City and called Piao Zheng, whom I wanted to see first.


    ¡°Aunty said you¡¯ve arrived in Shanghai?¡± he said when he answered the phone.


    ¡°I¡¯m in Guangqing. Why don¡¯t we have dinner together? I haven¡¯t eaten yet,¡± I said, rubbing my eyes.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on? Why did you come here? Didn¡¯t you go back to Shanghai with your mom?¡±


    ¡°Brother, I¡¯m fine, don¡¯t make such a fuss. I¡¯ll take a taxi to the city later, so let¡¯s have dinner together?¡±


    ¡°Alright. I have a lot of work on my hands today, so if you arrive first, go ahead and order.¡±


    I took a taxi to the restaurant, enjoying the good weather and the shining sun. Once I got there, I noticed an open-air stage in the middle of the square, surrounded by a crowd of people. There were actually models taking pictures, and the majority of the onlookers were girls, all holding up their cell phones.


    Their life is mostly leisure and happiness, right?


    I smiled and was about to walk into the restaurant when I saw someone jump off the stage and run towards me.

 CH 41

    I looked at the person who now stood in front of me, at his pair of ocean blue eyes. His make-up contours looked three-dimensional and vivid in the sunlight, and his beautifully crafted costume made him look like a prince who had escaped from the palace; privately arrogant and aristocratic.


    ¡°Why are you here?¡± Ye Lin narrowed his eyes at me and spoke in a low voice.


    It took me a second to recover from my astonishment.


    ¡°Are you working?¡± I finally asked.


    Ye Lin frowned. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    He didn¡¯t say anything else, and didn¡¯t seem to want to add more, but he would not have come over if he just wanted to stand in front of me.


    I wanted to find something to say. After all, standing like this is always embarrassing.


    ¡°You¨C¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s eat together, we¡¯re almost done,¡± Ye Lin interrupted me. ¡°Wait for me.¡±


    He then ran back to the stage.


    Just then I realized that I had become the focus of the surrounding people¡¯s attention, and I averted my gaze from their stares.


    I looked at Ye Lin, who was back on the stage, and even though there were people gathered about him, he still obviously stood out.


    But I didn¡¯t even notice his presence a moment ago.


    Also, he seemed to have said that he wanted us to dine together? But I was sure I didn¡¯t say yes.


    Before I entered the dining room, another person ran over to stop me.


    ¡°Excuse me, Miss, Senior Brother Ye wants you to come over.¡±


    ¡°Please tell him I have something to do.¡±


    But the clean-cut boy in front of me was insistent.


    ¡°Brother Ye said he would give me a good look if I call you over, so go over there. It won¡¯t take long, we¡¯ll be closing in ten minutes.¡±


    ¡°Why are you standing at the door?¡±


    I turned sideways to find Piao Zheng striding towards me two meters away.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t get blocked out by the waiter, did you?¡± Piao Zheng came up to me and grinned as he put his arm around my shoulder.


    ¡°I¡¯m waiting for you, the dragon slayer, to escort me,¡± I joked, then turned my head to the boy on the side and said, ¡°I¡¯ll call him.¡±


    The boy looked a bit fazed, ¡°You¨Csenior brother Ye¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be nervous. I¡¯ll call him, he won¡¯t give you a hard time.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that.¡± He shook his head.


    This inexplicable attitude made me frown.


    ¡°What? Someone you know?¡± Piao Zheng asked.


    ¡°Not really, it¡¯s Ye Lin¡¯s junior brother.¡± I said casually.


    ¡°Ye Lin?¡± Piao Zheng glanced at me.


    I pointed to the open-air stage across the street.


    Piao Zheng was silent for a moment, before he suddenly said, ¡°Want to go over and take a look?¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± Piao Zheng pulled me toward the open-air stage, and I felt blindsided as he led me forward.


    ¡°Hey, little brother, follow us,¡± Piao Zheng shouted backwards.


    I looked up at Piao Zheng in slight confusion. I could not guess what he was thinking.


    When we came to the periphery of the crowd, Ye Lin, who was posing on the stage for the photographer, turned and met my eyes in the crowd. He focused his gaze, and then did not break eye contact.


    His movements were natural, and such a gaze would not draw attention to me, because he was a natural actor under the camera, but I was not, and I felt a little uncomfortable. I turned my head away to look elsewhere.


    ¡°Why did you drag me over here?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to meet him?¡± Piao Zheng asked rhetorically.


    ¡°I¨C¡± My words were interrupted by the woman running over.


    ¡°I am Ye Lin¡¯s assistant, please follow me backstage.¡±


    Since we were already there, it would seem pretentious to continue to refuse again, so I reluctantly agreed.


    I don¡¯t know what Piao Zheng is thinking. Does he want to¡­¡­set me up with Ye Lin? I don¡¯t think so, after all, Piao Zheng should have heard that Ye Lin is getting married to Yang Yali, and he should be clear on my stance, so why is he doing this? Is it really that just because we know each other we should go over to see him?


    The backstage was a temporary work shed with few people inside. Some were sitting, some were standing, but all were dressed fashionably. The female assistant handed me and Piao Zheng each a cup of coffee. As I accepted the paper cup, I felt a gaze behind me, and I turned around to see Ye Lin walking over.


    ¡°I thought you were going to leave.¡± Ye Lin walked up to me, his tone deliberately ambiguous. Then he looked at the person beside me. ¡°Piao Zheng, long time no see.¡±


    Piao Zheng smiled. ¡°Work has been quite busy lately?¡±


    ¡°Not bad,¡± Ye Lin said.


    ¡°It¡¯s good to be busy with work.¡±


    Ye Lin¡¯s expression turned a bit playful. ¡°I didn¡¯t expect you to care about me.¡±


    Piao Zheng didn¡¯t take his comment seriously. ¡°I can be regarded as your schoolmate in many ways. What¡¯s more, when you were dating Anjie, I already regarded you as a younger brother.¡±


    I frowned subconsciously. Piao Zheng should be the one who knows my heart the most, but why now¡­


    ¡°Come to think of it, I still have something I need to do,¡± Piao Zheng said, turning to me, ¡°I¡¯ll go now. Eat dinner with Ye Lin, I¡¯ll call you later.¡± He patted my arm gently.


    As I watched Piao Zheng walk out, I felt a flare of annoyance and asked Ye Lin, ¡°Do you still need to continue the shoot ?¡±


    Ye Lin looked at me, a strange look flashing in his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m going to change my clothes.¡±


    As Ye Lin walked away, some models came in and began to gossip.


    ¡°I heard Sister Ai say that Brother Ye¡¯s girlfriend is here. Who and where?¡±


    One male model met my eyes and whistled.


    ¡°Zhuang Qi, you¡¯re looking for death.¡± Ye Lin¡¯s characteristically feminine voice came from behind the door of the dressing room. He walked back out and took a big step across to my side.


    ¡°Brother Ye, you¡¯re bringing your girlfriend with you to have dinner with us, right? We also want to know what kind of demon can make you swoon. Oh no, no, I meant a fairy.¡±


    Ye Lin smiled, and did not seem to want to pay much attention to them, but he also seemed to be very happy to have it.


    He also did not clarify the situation.


    I don¡¯t understand what is going on¡­


    ¡°Young Ye, what do you say to that?¡±


    ¡°I originally wanted to have dinner with you alone, but it seems that I can¡¯t. It¡¯s okay if we have dinner with my colleagues, right?¡± Ye Lin asked me.


    I looked at him, speechless.


    Ye Lin took my hand, ¡°Let¡¯s go, I¡¯m starving. Let¡¯s eat.¡±


    I pulled my hand firmly but it seemed impossible to pull it out of his grasp. I frowned and looked down, and then my heart jerked tight. His wrist where he had a silk scarf looped had become accidentally exposed.


    Is that a scar? My God, a wound like that¡­


    I raised my fingers against my trembling lips, and then looked up to stare at the tall thin figure in front of me.


    A suicide attempt? But why?


    What kind of trick are you playing this time, Ye Lin?

 CH 42

    I ended up sitting at a table in a high-end restaurant, wondering how I had found myself in the company of this large group people from the entertainment industry.


    ¡°There¡¯s alcohol in that,¡± Ye Lin said as he took the drink from my hand and replacing it with a glass of spring water.


    ¡°Wow, senior brother Ye, you are considerate!¡±


    ¡°Fuck you.¡± Ye Lin was quite rude to the girls. The young female model who had made fun of him stuck out her tongue and smiled, but stopped talking.


    ¡°Miss Jian, how did you meet senior brother?¡± someone asked again.


    ¡°I fell in love with her at first sight. Don¡¯t bother her anymore, OK?¡± Ye Lin said impatiently.


    The only foreign man in the group reached out and handed me his business card. I looked down at it and saw he was a photographer.


    ¡°John, don¡¯t hit on her,¡± Ye Lin said.


    ¡°I only gave a formal hello to the beautiful woman. It¡¯s polite,¡± John replied. He spoke very standard Chinese.


    Another person  joked with Ye Lin, ¡°Ye Shao is an enemy everywhere today.¡±


    Because there were many people around me, I was beginning to feel a  little hot, and my palms had started to sweat. The sticky feeling was making me uncomfortable so I decided to go wash my hands in the bathroom.


    As I got up, I heard the head waiter¡¯s voice from the front of the restaurant, ¡°Mr. Xi, this way, please.¡±


    Xi?


    My heart trembled. I quickly looked up, and saw that it really was Xi Xichen!


    What a coincidence¡­


    I was also a little surprised when I realized that my body had frozen to the spot with my eyes staring transfixed.


    He was in a light casual suit with dark trousers. His hair hung loose and he held a pair of dark sunglasses his hands. He looked gentle and handsome but his calm expression still gave off a sense of distance that didn¡¯t seem easy to get close to.


    I was sure that he saw me almost immediately, but his eyes quickly moved away, the expression on his face remaining unchanged and as quiet as before.


    Xi Xichen had several men following behind him as he walked towards me with the waiter as his guide.


    When he was ten meters away, John suddenly stood up.


    ¡°Ah, Mr. Xi! Hello!¡±


    Xi Xichen came to a halt in front of me,  his eyes locked on John.


    ¡°What a coincidence Mr. Xi, to meet you here!¡±


    Xi Xichen seemed to think a moment, before he finally seemed to remember.


    ¡°John Field?¡±


    ¡°Yes, it¡¯s my honor that Mr. Xi still remembers me.¡±


    Xi Xichen gave a quick glance at the people on the table and then nodded to John.


    ¡°Excuse me,¡± he said in a flat voice, polite but alienated.


    I watched his slender figure disappear down the corridor and I sat back down.


    I didn¡¯t know if it was intentional, but he had brushed cool fingers against the back of my hand as he passed, leaving a touch of cold.


    ¡°John¡­¡±


    ¡°Elvis, the boss of our boss,¡± John said by way of explanation as he sat down again.


    ¡°We could tell,even if you didn¡¯t explain, that he is at least a big boss.¡±


    ¡°I read one of his reports.¡±


    ¡°John, how do you know him? I mean, how did he know you? After all, such a person¡­¡±


    The people in our group were all clamouring to speak.


    John laughed.


    ¡°When I went to the head office, I met him at the gate for the first time and thought he was a model. You saw how very tall and stern he looks. So I went over and introduced myself to him¨C.¡± Everyone at the table roared.


    John continued, ¡°He was cold in his manner and said he was not interested. Then I saw a driver open the door for him and knew I might have made a wrong judgment.¡±


    He paused, then said humorously, ¡°After I knew who he was, to be honest, I was a little worried that I would lose my job.¡±


    Everyone laughed except Ye Lin and I.


    ¡°Lin Lin, don¡¯t look back at him, he¡¯s long gone. Do you really like him?¡±


    The girl called Lin Lin turned back with a smile, ¡°How would that be possible? It¡¯s just pure appreciation. That kind of man is not safe.¡±


    ¡°Do you think he has no sense of security?¡±


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t think I deserve him.¡±


    ¡°Our most confident girl is not confident?¡±


    ¡°This has nothing to do with confidence. Such people are too high and difficult to grasp, and I like absolute control,¡± she said, winking playfully.


    Some of the group agreed, some laughed and some talked back. They all didn¡¯t care whether it was a star or someone else, as long as they could gossip, they were happy.


    I looked around. I¡¯d never been to this restaurant before, but now that I was getting a better look around me, I felt a little out of place. Everyone was very well-dressed and looked expensive and rich.


    ¡°Why are you looking like that?¡± Ye Lin suddenly asked me.


    ¡°I¡¯m wondering why you used to hate rich people so much, but now you have been integrated into it all with ease.¡±


    ¡°Are you thinking about me?¡± His voice took on a joyful lilt, ¡°I still hate rich people, not just before. Why are you wondering this? Are you going to share this hatred with me now?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    I stood up, but he grabbed my hand.


    ¡°Where are you going?¡±


    ¡°Bathroom.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t run around.¡±


    ¡°Where would I go?¡±


    He snorted, ¡°Who knows.¡±


    I didn¡¯t agree with his choice of words and deeds.


    ¡°Would you like to come with me?¡±


    He smiled and let go of my hand. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen you for half a year, so I almost forgot your sarcasm.¡±


    I tried not to care about his attitude, but the people around me had obviously been paying attention to us for a while. A couple of people laughed meaningfully.


    ¡°Senior brother, I¡¯ll go with her don¡¯t worry. She won¡¯t get lost,¡± Lin Lin got up and stepped in front of me, solemnly taking my arm. I began to feel a little funny.


    When I came out of the bathroom, I asked, ¡°Is Ye Lin not married?¡±


    ¡°Ah?¡± Lin Lin¡¯s expression looked surprised, ¡°Of course not! Why would you ask me this question? Are you not the senior brother¡¯s girlfriend?¡±


    I stared at her.


    ¡°I thought he and Miss Yang were married.¡±


    ¡°You mean sister Yali?¡± Lin Lin asked, ¡°They were dating, but they broke up a long time ago. It¡¯s been four or five years. Now they¡¯re just friends.¡±


    I shook my head as I followed her back to the table.


    ¡°That¡¯s unexpected.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not really a surprise. Although the senior brother seems to be laissez-faire, he is in fact very single-minded. I think he is very sincere about you.¡±


    I didn¡¯t say anything more.


    As I passed through the corridor, I heard someone call out my name with great excitement.


    ¡°Anjie?!¡±


    I turned my head only to be met with Lin Xiaodi¡¯s smiling face rushing ove

 CH 43

    She ran towards me.


    ¡°Oh, girl, why did you return home again? Didn¡¯t you say you had  settled in Finland?¡±


    I was also surprised to see her. ¡°How about you? Why are you here?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I brought our artists to the mainland to talk about cooperation.¡±


    ¡°Are you an agent now?¡± I was slightly surprised.


    Honestly, an agent sounds so much better. What I¡¯m doing is almost no different from a nanny. That woman is more difficult to serve than my mother. She¡¯s not a big brand but markets herself as if she is a big brand.¡±


    She took my hand and said, ¡°You¡¯re coming back this time¨C¡±


    I quickly interrupted her, ¡°Xiaodi, I have a friend here. Will talk to you later?¡±


    ¡°Lin Xiaodi.¡±


    A thick baritone voice called out as a man stepped out of the box behind us. Subconsciously feeling something, I looked behind him to the open door, and was met with familiar eyes. I felt calm ¨C as expected ¨C but his eyes were indifferent and sharp. There was the smell of judgment under the half light, and then he looked away, which was rare.


    ¡°Hello, are you director Zhang of astrology?¡± Lin Lin took the initiative to say hello to the man who had just walked out.


    ¡°I model as the face of Meishang. My name is Zhou Lin Lin,¡± she continued.


    He nodded, then turned his head to look at me.


    ¡°Are you also a charming model?¡± he asked.


    I thought that was interesting. Although my height was not very short, it was obviously not enough to be mistaken as a model.


    ¡°No, she¡¯s my friend. She¡¯s amazing,¡± Xiaodi said proudly. Lowering her voice, she then asked ¡°Senior, how¡¯s the conversation going inside?¡±


    ¡°The boss is talking about the project with their boss. Today, Xi¡¯s boss is present, but it seems that we won¡¯t be talking about our advertisement. I just wanted to let you know¡±


    ¡°Lao Zhang, what are you muttering to the little girls outside? Since you know them, bring them in.¡±


    There was the sound of soothing music flowing from the luxuriously decorated box. I was pulled in by Lin Lin for no reason with no chance of retreat.


    ¡°She¡¯s the model of Meishang. President Xi, your company is really outstanding.¡±


    Xi Xichen smiled, took a sip of wine, but said nothing.


    Xiaodi sat beside me and whispered, ¡°What kind of friend is she? What¡¯s the occasion today for you to be here?.¡±


    I answered back in a low voice, ¡°She¡¯s Ye Lin¡¯s colleague.¡±


    Xiao Di cursed, ¡°Birds of a feather.¡±


    I said with a smile, ¡°She seems like a nice person.¡±


    ¡°How many years have you been a model?¡± A man sitting in front of me to my left asked.


    Xiaodi clarified, ¡°Boss, she is not an artist. She is my high school classmate.¡±


    He looked at me and said, ¡°Good temperament and tall enough. President Xi, are you sure she¡¯s not from your company?¡±


    ¡°No. Why, is manager Rong interested in pulling her to his own company?¡±


    ¡°Even if I have that intention, it depends on whether she is willing or not.¡±


    The man surnamed Rong turned his head and asked me, ¡°What¡¯s up? Are you interested in becoming a star?¡±


    ¡°Not too interested.¡±


    I didn¡¯t want to say it too directly, so as not to be impolite.


    My dream was still to be a painter, but it was impossible.


    The man surnamed Rong smiled brightly,


    ¡°President Xi, it seems that people in this little temple really don¡¯t like me.¡±


    ¡°Your temple is big enough,¡± someone else said with a smile.


    I was losing my patience as I thought of how angry Ye Lin was probably getting.


    The whole situation was a real headache.


    ¡°Sorry, someone in my family is afraid of the smell of smoke.¡±


    I felt stunned from these words as I looked up to see Xi Xichen push away the cigarette that had been offered to him. It may have been said in the most normal social tone, but my heart still fluttered.


    ¡°Mr. Xi, you are still afraid of your wife?¡±


    Xi Xihen answered helplessly, ¡°Yes, I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    The man surnamed Rong said, ¡°Hey, in this age if I knew, I wouldn¡¯t get married so early!¡±


    I stopped listening as my mind began to wander, but then Xiaodi leaned over again, ¡°Anjie, you should know that Xi, right?¡±


    I looked at her startled.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Are you surprised? I think all the students from our affiliated high school  know him. Isn¡¯t our high school an affiliated high school? He studied in the University. I still remember that he was the same age as your brother Piao Zheng.


    ¡°He was quite famous at the time, not to mention now. I really regret that I didn¡¯t take the opportunity to meet such a person when I was studying ¨C I guess now If I up and call ¡®senior¡¯, he would definitely ignore me.¡±


    Xiaodi then bumped my arm with her elbow, ¡°Hey Anjie, was I speaking loudly?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Then why is the ¡®senior student¡¯ looking at us?¡±


    I didn¡¯t look up.


    In fact, I didn¡¯t dare to.


    I took out my mobile phone that had been vibrating in my pocket since Xiaodi began to talk. My hunch had been accurate.


    It was Ye Lin.


    ¡°Xiaodi, I¡¯ll catch up with you later,¡± I said, then I got up, pushed the door open and walked out. I didn¡¯t care about the reaction of those people in the box, but of course, I had to admit that one of them was making me a little uneasy.


    When Zhou Lin Lin came out, Ye Lin called the waiter with a cold face to pay the bill, but he merely stated, ¡°Mr. Xi has just taken care of your bill.¡±


    Once out of the restaurant, Ye Lin grabbed my arm while walking and sneered, ¡°Your  relative is really generous.¡±


    I sighed inwardly. The group that had been with us waved to us then walked away in the opposite direction.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you going with them?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I want to be with you now!¡±


    He then suddenly stood still, a gloomy expression on his face.


    It had been quite an eventful day and I really didn¡¯t have any more energy left to deal with his changeable temper. So I just asked him what I wanted to know.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you marry her?¡±


    ¡°No reason. I just realized I  didn¡¯t want to get married, that¡¯s all.¡±


    He was lying.


    Before he could react, I grabbed his left hand and pulled away the black scarf wrapped around his wrist. There was an obvious cut.


    ¡°I want to know how this wound happened.¡±


    His lips trembled slightly, and his calm eyes took on a sudden sharp glint.


    ¡°Would you care? Do you care?¡±


    ¡°I still care about you. You should know that.¡±


    ¡°Yes, you will still care about my life and death, because you are Jian Anjie and you have compassion. But you don¡¯t care whether I am happy or in pain, because you don¡¯t love me anymore,¡± he said, vigorously rubbing his face with both hands.


    ¡°When I was in France and I called you to return home, I was in his hotel,¡± he continued. ¡°I followed you all the way from your school to the hospital and then to the hotel. When I learned from the hotel staff who you were looking for, I understood that he was not your relative¡­Jian Anjie, are you with him?¡±


    Yes, but not yet¡­


    I didn¡¯t know how to explain it to him, now that I really was with him, so I chose to remain silent.


    ¡°Miss Jian,¡± someone called.


    I turned to look and spotted a black car five meters away with a driver standing by the door.


    ¡°I¡¯m really stupid. Did you come here with President Xi? When I saw you¡¯d come back, I thought¡­¡± he drifted off, his expression filled with self-mockery.


    ¡°Miss Jian, Mr. Xi asked me to pick you up,¡± the driver said.


    Ye Lin smiled, but it didn¡¯t reach his eyes.


    ¡°Do you believe he¡¯s sitting in the car watching you and I?¡±


    He suddenly stepped forward and hugged me, his breath hot in my ear.


    ¡°If I kiss you now, do you think he will suffer like me?¡±


    I wanted to push him away, but a woman¡¯s strength is always no match for a man.


    He leaned forward and I thought he actually was going to kiss me, but he instead reached for my back collar and pushed it back.


    ¡°Are these kiss marks left by him?¡± He smiled darkly, ¡°Have you reached this point?¡±


    ¡°Ye Lin, let me go.¡±


    ¡°I say no? I don¡¯t mind if you¡¯ve ¨C¡± he bit me on the shoulder, and I hissed in pain.


    He let go and stared at me, once again smiling while his eyes remained dark.


    A figure stepped out of the black car and began walking towards us. I felt tired. This place was always a constant battleground for me.


    Ye Lin kept his eyes on me as Xi Xichen came over.


    ¡°I want to pursue you again.¡±


    Xi Xichen came, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away.


    Ye Lin called out, ¡°Jian Anjie, I didn¡¯t try to kill myself for you. I found it all too boring. I don¡¯t like myself.¡±


    I knew he was saying something false again.


    I started to turn around, but Xi Xichen pulled me to his chest with considerable force, then stuffed me into the car, before sitting in beside me and slamming the door shut.


    After the driver got in, he ordered, ¡°Drive.¡±


    I suddenly felt annoyed by his dictatorship. ¡°I want to get off,¡± I said in a calm tone.


    Xi Xichen¡¯s fingers tightened on the door handle, and he said to the driver, ¡°Stop after a hundred meters, give me the key, and you get off.¡±


    The driver answered yes, and I couldn¡¯t help but clench my jaw. After the driver left, I said, ¡°Ye Lin might do something absurd. I¨C¡± he yanked me towards him.


    My eyes widened as my mouth became sealed by his. He impatient began to attack and plunder, as if needing to prove something. I had just wanted to make sure Ye Lin wouldn¡¯t do something stupid again. If I was the cause for his stupid actions, I didn¡¯t want to take the blame for them. I wanted to talk to Xi Xichen, but he seemed afraid of the topic.


    When the kiss was over, he looked at me with soft eyes.


    ¡°I really hate your soft heart.¡±


    I whispered, ¡°I¡¯m not soft-hearted. I just don¡¯t want to bear any debt on myself. Also, Xichen, I know where my feelings belong now. You shouldn¡¯t have such little confidence in me.¡±


    He hugged me and sighed deeply.


    ¡°It¡¯s none of your business, the whole world is chaos.¡±


    When I finally turned back that day though, Ye Lin had already gone.

 CH 44

    I sat up and looked around as the sunlight came in through the window screen, my eyes taking in the white, blue and black the black color scheme selected for the minimalist decoration. Yesterday, Xi Xichen brought me to a high rise apartment in the centre of town, after which I¡¯d promptly fallen asleep on the couch when he went to ready the shower for me.


    I got out of bed, walked to the bathroom and couldn¡¯t help but smile when I saw the fully prepared toiletries and girls¡¯ clothes waiting for me inside. I hadn¡¯t brought my luggage from Shanghai because I had assumed my visit would be short, but things keep turning out more complicated than I can anticipate.


    After I was dressed, I headed back to the room, but as my hand rested on the door handle, I heard a voice coming from the living room.


    ¡°Today, the girl should return to Jian¡¯s house.¡±


    ¡°Your Uncle Jian brought Lin Yujuan to step in but she still listens to her mother¡¯s words in the end.¡±


    ¡°Xichen, do you want to go back too?¡±


    After a moment of silence, I heard Xichen¡¯s voice, ¡°I will pass.¡±


    I turned around, went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep. I felt the bed sink down a bit as I began to drift off, and a pair of arms encircled me from behind.


    ¡°Get up and eat breakfast.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not hungry.¡±


    ¡°Eat a little, and your appetite will increase.¡±


    My eyes were still closed as I asked in a light voice, ¡°Does she know I¡¯m sleeping here? In your bed?¡±


    I felt his body stiffen. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. Xi Xichen looked slightly stunned as he lowered his head and kissed me.


    I left Xichen¡¯s place at around noon. I didn¡¯t want him to drop me off so I took a cab; he didn¡¯t ask me where I was going.


    When I arrived at Jian¡¯s house, the flowers and plants in the courtyard were all yellow and drooping lifelessly, as the autumn season was in full swing.


    I had vowed never to set foot here again, and at every step I took further from the iron gate towards the eaves I silently recited the phrase, I will never embarrass myself again.


    I rang the doorbell. The man who opened the door was not surprised to see me as he led me inside.


    When I entered the living room, I was met with Jian Zhenlin, Shen Qingyu and several people I didn¡¯t know.


    When Jian Zhenlin saw me, he stood up with Shen Qingyu, her arm through his. His always serious face became full of smiles, ¡°Good to have you back, good to have you back¡­.¡±


    I discreetly clenched my fist to remind myself not to show weakness in front of them, but my traitorous stomach had been twitching from the moment I¡¯d stepped through that iron door. The white porridge I had eaten that morning sat heavy now, and I began wishing I¡¯d stayed firm in my decision not to have breakfast.


    Shen Qingyu waved me in, ¡°Anjie, don¡¯t just stand there, come sit down. Today is a great coincidence, as several of your uncles have come to see your father.¡±


    ¡°The little girl has grown into a maiden. I¡¯m Uncle Ning, remember?¡±


    I was silent.


    Shen Qingyu laughed and said, ¡°Our Anjie has been studying abroad these past few years, I¡¯m afraid she doesn¡¯t remember you old man.¡±


    ¡°This generation of young people like to run outside, just like that. My family brat has lived in the United States for three years. He comes back once a year and is unfamiliar with his own father.¡±


    ¡°Young master Ning is a promising young man,¡± Shen Qingyu praised.


    ¡°Why? Now that he¡¯s been educated, he has nothing to do all day. He¡¯s still not in tune at all with the world at the age of twenty-eight. If my son was half as capable as Xichen, I would be willing to live a few years less.¡±


    Another elder also nodded repeatedly, ¡°Xichen is the most visionary and bold young man I have ever met.¡±


    At this moment, the doorbell rang again, and I knew instantly in my heart who it was.


    Xichen walked in and came straight to my side, nodding slightly to the people gathered.


    Shen Qingyu smiled and said, ¡°Xichen, the two uncles were praising you just now.¡±


    Jian Zhenlin looked at me with an apologetic glint in his eyes, ¡°Anjie, come over and say hello to the uncles.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Jian,¡± I finally said, ¡°Don¡¯t you get tired of repeating the same tricks over and over again?¡±


    ¡°Anjie!¡± Shen Qingyu exclaimed. She hadn¡¯t expected me to say that, but in the next moment she immediately quieted down her tone, ¡°How can you talk to your father like that?¡±


    ¡°Qingyu.¡± Jane Zhenlin patted Shen Qingyu¡¯s shoulder, ¡°We¡¯re the ones who need to be sorry, we¡¯re sorry for what we did¡­¡±


    ¡°Zhen Lin, Shen, look at you guys, you¡¯re even so serious with the child. Anjie, Uncle Ning will give you support, don¡¯t be afraid.¡±


    ¡°If there is nothing else, then please Mr. Jian, tell my mother that I have come.¡±


    I was about to turn around when Shen Qingyu¡¯s exasperated voice came, ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you kid?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s so hard for her to come back, Qingyu, just bear with her,¡± Jane Zhenlin said.


    Bear with her? If I am to be tolerated, then why call me back? Bear with her !? Am I not the same to you?


    ¡°Shen, I like this child very much. You don¡¯t have to make it difficult for her.¡±


    ¡°Elder Ning! Anyway, a stepmother is destined to be the bad guy in her eyes. Lin Ma, let¡¯s eat!¡±


    Dinner? I guess there¡¯s no need for me to stay any longer.


    But before I could turn around, the person beside me grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers together.


    ¡°You guys¡­.¡± Shen Qingyu trailed off.


    ¡°We¡¯re together.¡± Xichen¡¯s voice was firm and unperturbed. He stood calm as always, and only his tightly pulled hand declared an obvious possession.


    ¡°She wanted to come here and I didn¡¯t stop her. But when she wants to leave, I will take her away.¡±


    Shen Qingyu looked embarrassed, ¡°Xichen¡­you¡­why are you talking nonsense¡­! She is your sister!¡±


    ¡°We do not share blood.¡±


    Jian Zhenlin was also stunned, ¡°Xichen, you and Anjie¡­.¡±


    ¡°If she is willing, I will marry her,¡± Xichen said very plainly.


    ¡°You guys, how could you just¡­.be messing around like this!¡± Jian Zhenlin stumbled as he tried to stand up, his face slack with shock.


    ¡°Uncle Jian, you know full well that she is autistic, introverted and afraid of life, and yet you still insisted on sending her abroad. You created a messy situation. Now you want to use her again for your own career, and that is very messed up.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°From now on, she¡¯s under my protection. You will not hurt her again.¡± Xi Xichen¡¯s voice took on a bit of a desperate tone.


    Xi Xichen then turned to me and reached out to touch my forehead, ¡°You¡¯re a little pale. Do you have an upset stomach?¡±


    ¡°¡­.a little.¡±


    ¡°Then let¡¯s go back early?¡±


    ¡°¡­.hmm.¡±


    I¡¯m not sure how he can still be so frank in front of this group of dumbfounded elders.


    ¡°That¡¯s enough! Anjie you come here! Xichen, I¡¯ve always valued you, yet you can do this to me!¡±


    ¡°Because you are Anjie¡¯s father, I respectfully call you Uncle Jian.¡± His words were spoken in a courteous manner.


    Jane Zhenlin¡¯s face turned blue, ¡°Uncle Jian? I¡¯m afraid I can¡¯t bear this Uncle Jian from you anymore!¡±


    ¡°Illegal fund raising and tax evasion? Uncle Jian, please behave yourself.¡±


    As we headed towards the door, Xi Xichen turned back, ¡°By the way, Uncle Jian, you have always wanted a share of those properties under my name. A while back I found a lawyer to draft up a contract for me. As long as Jian Anjie is willing to sign it, all my properties will belong to her.¡±


    The evening breeze was a little cool, but not too cold. I lay on my side on the balcony lounger, looking up at the sky outside the parapet.


    So, the dust has finally settled, has it?


    The person behind me pulled the blanket further up my body, ¡°Asleep?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I said softly.


    ¡°Anjie, do you blame me?¡± He came around and sat down in front of me.


    I tilted my head up to look at him. The man in front of me was introspective and affectionate. I still couldn¡¯t figure out why he wanted me so badly when he was good in every way.


    ¡°Blame you for what?¡±


    ¡°I blame myself for making our relationship public, and in that manner,¡± he said carefully.


    I couldn¡¯t help raising my hand to stroke the strands of hair that had fallen onto his forehead, then slipping my hand down to cover his deep black eyes.


    ¡°Xi Xichen,¡± I murmured. If admitting it would put his mind at ease then, ¡°I love you.¡±


    It took about ten seconds for him to respond, before he suddenly pulled down my hand, leaned down, and kissed me suffocatingly, tangling his body with mine.


    I knew that from that moment on that something had changed. Perhaps it had already begun to change from that tunnel, from when I heard the words ¡°Anjie, I love you¡±.


    From when I heard the words, ¡°12 years is enough¡±.

 CH 45

    The next morning, I woke up to the familiar music of a ringing cell phone..


    An unfamiliar male voice sounded in my ear, ¡°Elvis, you haven¡¯t forgotten about the 9:00 meeting today, have you? It¡¯s already 8:50 and you¡¯re not at the office yet.¡±


    ¡°You are¡­?¡± In fact, my brain was still in a semi-comatose state.


    The other party faltered for a moment, ¡°Excuse me, please¡­. Mr. Xi Xichen¡­.¡±


    I jerked awake. I couldn¡¯t believe I had picked up the wrong phone!


    This is when a low chuckle came from behind me, and I turned around to see Xichen with one hand propped up under his jaw. Several strands of moist hair stuck to his temples and messy sheets covered his lower body as he looked at me with a faint smile. I didn¡¯t know how long he had been awake.


    I handed the phone over, and he took it with an air of self-assurance. With his voice sounding even more careless, he spoke, ¡°This is Xi Xichen.¡±


    The other side spoke causing him to  lightly raise the corners of his mouth before looking at me, ¡°Is it strange to have a woman in my bed?¡±


    A few more words were exchanged, before he hung up the phone and then pulled me close to him in a tight hug.


    ¡°Awake?¡±


    He definitely did it on purpose.


    He began to languidly caress my waist, and I panicked as I saw his eyes start to blaze.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to the office?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll go in a little while.¡±


    I closed my eyes as I succumbed to him, a moan escaping my lips as my resistence was declared ineffective.


    ¡°Anjie¡­.¡±


    When I finally opened my eyes, I was met with his handsome face, albeit now blotched an unseemly scarlet color


    I didn¡¯t think I looked much better than him.


    My body seemed to be paralyzed with soreness and I eventually had to let him carry me into the bathroom to take a shower.


    After that Xi Xichen took me to his company. I had originally wanted to find Piao Zheng but he said he would meet up with me later.


    I thought it would be good to let Piao Zheng know about my current situation so he wouldn¡¯t worry about me being alone.


    We went straight from the elevator in the building¡¯s underground garage to his office. Xichen drew out some picture books from the bookcase and gave them to me. As I looked through them, I discovered that they were all from painters that I admired. I had been worried about how I¡¯d spend my time at his workplace, but he had apparently figured it all out.


    I sat down on the sofa and was just about to get comfortable, when a lady knocked on the door, ¡°Mr. Xi, Manager Nian is here.¡±


    ¡°Let him in.¡±


    Xichen had just taken off his jacket and I couldn¡¯t help notice how well the dark colored shirt complimented his lean and handsome features coupled with the jet black of his combed back hair.


    ¡°What¡¯s your verdict? Is it perfect?¡± He turned sideways to face me, his smile rippling across his face.


    I narrowed my eyes, looked down and flipped through a page of the book, embarrassed. This man, in a sense, was a bit of a dual personality.


    ¡°I heard there¡¯s a ¡®distinguished guest¡¯ in the president¡¯s office?¡± A man walked in with a smile, ¡°Woe is me, Elvis, the female employees who adore you are crying.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk nonsense.¡± Xichen walked behind his desk and sat down, ¡°Is the meeting ready?¡±


    ¡°You were not here, so I could only preside over the overall situation.¡± The man turned and when he saw me, immediately walked over and extended his hand, ¡°It¡¯s an honor to meet you. I¡¯m Nian Yi.¡±


    I just nodded and didn¡¯t offer up my own hand. The man didn¡¯t seem to mind and joked, ¡°I always thought Elvis was either gay or had a hidden disease. Miss, thank you for making me eliminate my unfriendly thoughts toward my boss and so on.¡±


    ¡°So I¡¯m your boss?¡± Xichen picked up a pen, his slender fingers tapping on its black and gold frame.


    ¡°Truthfulness is my only flaw,¡± Nian Yi sighed. He seemed to suddenly think of something and asked me, ¡°By the way, did you live in France?¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡± I was taken aback by the question, and nodded a beat too slow.


    ¡°I knew it!¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know you had the potential to be a journalist,¡± Xichen said, leaning back in his chair.


    ¡°Potential is something that has to be discovered by chance.¡±


    Xichen smiled and said lightly, ¡°Overseas affairs are a bit overwhelming for Fang Hua to manage alone, why don¡¯t you go over and help her out?¡±


    Nian Yi raised his hands in surrender.


    At this time, the lady from before came in again and offered us each a cup of green tea. I thanked her and she smiled with me, ¡°If there is anything else you need, please don¡¯t hesitate to ask me.¡±


    Xichen obviously hadn¡¯t explained my ¡°identity¡± to them, but they seemed to have already decided on who I was.


    I listened to Xichen and Nian Yi talk about business for a while, until the latter said, ¡°There doesn¡¯t seem to be anything big today, huh? Ye Lin?¡±


    My heart skipped a beat, but I forced it to calm down again. I looked up and saw that Nian Yi was reading a newspaper, ¡°I¡¯ve seen this guy twice, he¡¯s quite crazy. He¡¯s shot a perfume commercial this year and his popularity has increased a lot. He¡¯s almost the chief model of Meishan, right? What kind of news needs to be put on a big page? Oh, it seems to be a self-exposed love affair.¡±


    Xichen frowned, ¡°Since when are you also interested in gossip?¡±


    ¡°Mr. Xi, this is also our newspaper and our own artist,¡± Nian Yi went on as he read, ¡°Such a bold display of love¡­.Jian Anjie? Who¡¯s Jian Anjie? Anyone in our circle of people?¡±


    I suddenly remembered what Ye Lin had said the last time I¡¯d seen him. This kind of thing was right up his alley.


    I sighed quietly.


    As soon as Nian Yi left, Xichen came over and took the picture book out of my hand, then hauled me into his lap.


    I felt a little uncomfortable considering where we were, but he looked the picture of ease.


    ¡°Were you thinking about him just now?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I didn¡¯t want to lie to him.


    ¡°What were you thinking about?¡±


    ¡°I was thinking about what else he could do. I don¡¯t want him to be disappointed and feeling thwarted, but I can¡¯t respond to his actions anymore.¡±


    He was silent so I asked, ¡°Do you care about this past of mine?¡±


    ¡°Would you believe me if I said I don¡¯t care?¡± Xichen let out a soft sigh, ¡°He had you for six years.¡±


    ¡°Is that a complaint?¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t deny it.¡± He kissed the back of my neck, ¡°How are you going to make it up to me?¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    In the end, he took me to a candlelight dinner.


    It was a romantic, moody, western restaurant with only a few people around us. Xi Xichen and I sat at a table for two.


    He had a smile on his face and his eyes were soft, ¡°We¡¯ve never been on a formal date in China before.Tthis is the first time.¡±


    ¡°Want to celebrate? With a glass of champagne?¡± I asked, with a smile on my face.


    ¡°No, you forgot, you can¡¯t drink.¡±


    I sighed, ¡°Xi Xichen, you make me feel as if I¡¯ve fallen into a trap that I can¡¯t climb out of anymore.¡±


    ¡°Then, Miss Jian, I must tell you that I am also inside this trap and I do not want to get out.¡± At this moment, his eyes looked deeply affectionate.


    I bowed my head, avoiding that gaze.


    Xichen smiled, then called the waiter over. As i listened to him listing out several dishes, I looked at him incredulously.


    ¡°Exactly how well do you know me?¡±


    ¡°Miss Jian, I¡¯ve had a crush on you for twelve years.¡± He looked up from the menu, his tone light, but direct and sincere.


    The waitress left with a slight blush and I was speechless again. I turned my head to try and shake myself out of it when I spotted a  familiar figure. The other person also recognized me at the same time.


    ¡°Jian Anjie?!¡± Mo Jiazhen ran over, ¡°Xiaodi told me you¡¯ve returned to China, but I thought she was trying to fool me.¡±


    The day before I¡¯d run into Lin Xiaodi, and today I ran into Mo Jiazhen. I snuck a glance at Xichen and he rubbed his hand helplessly across his forehead.


    It was at this moment that Jiazhen also noticed the person sitting across from me and immediately exclaimed, ¡°Who is this?¡±


    ¡°Xi Xichen, my¡­. boyfriend,¡± I hesitated for only a split second.


    Although Mo Jiazhen was surprised, he did not forget his manners and politely nodded at him, ¡°Uh, hello.¡±


    I¡¯d never seen Jiazhen so reserved.


    Xichen nodded slightly.


    Jiazhen gave me a quick squeeze. ¡°Anjie, you¡¯ve done a good job of keeping this a secret. We thought you would end up with Ye¡­.,¡± she faltered, realizing how inappropriate she was being, and quickly changed course, ¡°Have you come to visit your family?¡±


    I didn¡¯t know what to say, so Xi Xichen helped me out, ¡°She came back to see me, and will be leaving in two days.¡±


    Mo Jiazhen asked curiously, ¡°Are you guys in a long-distance relationship?¡±


    Xichen said lightly, ¡°For now.¡±


    Xichen always gave people a sense of distance, and I could see that Jiazhen was feeling a little embarrassed, so I asked, ¡°Jiazhen, why are you here?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m here to get some documents for our boss. He¡¯s over there talking to someone. I actually almost forgot, thank God you reminded me. The boss is actually in a hurry, so I¡¯ll need to go now. Anjie, let¡¯s talk on the phone later. And if you stay in China for longer, let¡¯s have a meal together.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    It didn¡¯t take long after she¡¯d gone for Jiazhen to text me, ¡°Your boyfriend is so handsome! Seriously, he¡¯s more stylish than Ye Lin. What does he do? He looks super classy and cool.¡±


    I laughed and shook my head, and Xichen asked, ¡°What¡¯s making you so happy?¡±


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    In the next instant, Xi Xichen stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me down a corridor.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Ignoring me, he drew me along with him until we reached a secluded corner, hidden behind a screen. I was about to ask again when he suddenly pressed his lips heavily against mine.


    When the kiss ended, I gasped out, ¡°Can I ask why?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no reason. I just keep thinking about it, so I have to do it. You can think of it as a dessert before dinner,¡± he whispered, his breath warm against my cheek.


    As I recalled Jiazhen¡¯s text, I sighed. This man in front of me really was different from anybody else I¡¯d ever met.

 CH 46

    I didn¡¯t think anything more could happen before I left, but on my way to meet with Piao Zheng that night, I received a call from Yang Yali using Ye Lin¡¯s cell phone.


    She said that Ye Lin¡¯s sister had been admitted into the emergency room, and then Ye Lin had gotten into an accident on his way to the hospital.


    My hand holding the phone became cold.


    ¡°How is he? Where¡¯s his sister?¡±


    Yang Yali¡¯s voice was not polite, ¡°He is still alive, and his sister has been saved. I called you because he was unconscious, and still calling your name. He¡¯s at City No. 1 Hospital, so are you coming or not?¡±


    I hung up and sat speechless for a while as Xichen began parking the car.


    ¡°Xichen, I have to go to the hospital.¡±


    He restarted the car without a word.


    I immediately saw Yang Yali when I walked into the hospital. She was sitting on a chair with her head lowered. Because it was night time, the waiting room was pretty empty.


    As I walked over, she raised her head and looked at me with bloodshot eyes.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, I didn¡¯t expect you to be this affectionate and righteous.¡±


    She stood up and sneered, ¡°I told you back then to go away and never appear in front of him again. I thought that he would finally only look at me, but I found that I was wrong. In his heart, the love you gave him was unforgettable, and my waiting has been worthless. Sadly, he even attempted suicide for you, while you lived at ease abroad. Jian Anjie, you don¡¯t know what love is at all!¡±


    This statement made me frown deeply.


    ¡°Miss Yang, please be careful with your words and deeds,¡± a cold voice said.


    Yang Yali finally saw the person behind me, and her expression froze.


    ¡°Xi Xichen?¡±


    Her face twitched as if coming to a sudden realization, ¡°So it is, so it is!¡±


    ¡°We are in a hospital, please take the current situation into consideration, Miss Yang.¡±


    Xi Xichen grabbed my waist, intending to lead me forward.


    ¡°What is it Mr. Xi? Are you afraid of what I¡¯m going to say?¡± Yang Yali¡¯s tone suddenly became decisive, ¡°I never expected it, but now I see that your goal has always been her. Mr. Xi, in terms of ulterior motives, no one can compare to you.¡±


    This sentence, heavy with meaning, made me look up at the person beside me. His face had grown dark.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, you know Ye Lin has always been short of money, but he has never taken any money from me,¡± continued Yang Yali. ¡°Five years ago, his sister¡¯s condition deteriorated to the point where she had to be hospitalized. At that point someone came to me, sent by the manager of the TV station my mother works at. He told me that I should help Ye Lin sign a contract that would enlist him as an artist. If he signed the contract, he would get 1 million, and the income would get divided equally within the company. The contract period would be eight years, but there was a stipulation that prohibited him from going abroad in the first five years.


    ¡°Ye Lin trusted me, so he signed it. Yes, I was also selfish. I didn¡¯t want him to go abroad, but I used to think that Xi would not have such an ulterior motive for this contract. I thought he came to me personally because it was about someone I loved, and he that didn¡¯t want Ye Lin to drag down Miss Jian¡¯s family. I never expected in the end that I would have more heart than him!


    ¡°President Xi, you are really powerful and have a lot of foresight. You knew that you would be pursuing your sister five years later,¡± Yang Yali looked at me with ridicule.


    I found myself shaking.


    Xi Xichen¡¯s cold hand covered the back of mine.


    ¡°Yang Yali, is what you said true?¡± I asked in a trembling voice.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you ask him?¡± Yang Yali sneered.


    I turned to look at Xi Xichen. His face looked gloomy, his eyes completely unreadable.


    ¡°Xi¡­.¡±


    ¡°You¡ªare you actually asking me?¡± His expression was solemn.


    ¡°I want to know,¡± I said surprisingly calm.


    Xi Xichen dropped my hand. The sudden disappearance of his ice cold touch actually made my heart ache.


    His eyes were bottomless pools as he smiled sadly, ¡°Yes.¡±


    We were in a hospital, and I didn¡¯t want to discuss this further with him there, so I whispered, ¡°I¡¯ll go in and see him now. You should go back to the car.¡±


    I wanted to talk to him later.


    He stared at me for a while, then suddenly turned on his heels and left.


    I opened my mouth, but no words came out.


    ¡°If anything happens to Ye Lin, I will never forgive you for as long as I live.¡±


    These were Yang Yali¡¯s last words to me before leaving the hospital.


    Oh, she won¡¯t forgive me? Who does she think she is?


    I walked to the hospital bed with a fake smile plastered to my face and looked down at Ye Lin. His face was pale, and he was covered in injuries. His breathing was so weak,I was afraid it would stop completely at any moment.


    I walked out to check on Ye Lin¡¯s younger sister next. I remembered her as a fat and very cute girl, with dimples whenever she laughed.


    But the girl lying in front of me was bony and lifeless.


    A passing nurse told me that she was suffering from a chronic autoimmune disease caused by a transmission dysfunction between her nerve and muscle junctions. She had been able to be discharged home before, to be cared for by her family, but this time she would have to stay for a longer period due to the state of deterioration she was in.


    I stood there staring at her silently for a long time.

 CH 47

    The next day, Jiazhen came to the hospital with Xiaodi, who was still in the mainland. I found myself unable to hold proper conversation.


    When Piao Zheng came, he gently hugged me, his eyes round with distress. When he saw that I was still wearing the same clothes from the previous night, he went back out, then came back some time later with a change of clothes that I had left at his place.


    Five days passed, and Ye Lin still didn¡¯t wake up. I stayed with him the entire time, waiting for him to regain consciousness. During this entire period, his parents only visited once, then never again.


    I knew that someone was secretly helping me because the hospital and the police had come to know of the situation. It could only be him.


    On the fifth night. I couldn¡¯t sleep at all because the doctor had told me earlier that he might be in danger if he didn¡¯t wake up soon. As the night turned to dawn, I finally gave up and went for a walk to try and calm my thoughts. I walked down the hallway and out of the hospital, then sat on the steps outside the door. I looked up at the sky where there were still a couple of lingering stars, and took a deep breath.


    Suddenly I heard a commotion behind me and turned to look back into the hospital.  Several doctors and nurses were running towards the ICU in the east wing. My heart skipped a beat, and I rushed to stand up, a bout of dizziness took hold of me, and I had to steady myself against the wall for a moment, before rushing to Ye Lin¡¯s ward.


    I was stopped outside his room by the nurse, and I could only stand helplessly outside the glass window to watch. A group of white-clad medical staff had circled the hospital bed busily checking vitals.


    I looked at the bed and was met with a pair of black eyes shining like stars.


    Two days later, Ye Lin was fully awake and recovering well.


    ¡°The doctor said that you can only eat liquid food for now.¡±


    ¡°What a pity,¡± Ye Lin said hoarsely.


    ¡°Do you want me to get a wheelchair and push you around in the hospital¡¯s garden?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s more like it!¡±


    As I pushed him along he garden path, many people glanced our way, their eyes focusing on who sat in the chair.


    Finally, someone ran up and asked him excitedly for an autograph.


    I was amazed.


    Ye Lin smiled proudly, ¡°I¡¯m a star.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you just a model?¡± I teased.


    ¡°Wrong, I¡¯m a supermodel!¡±


    Ye Miao¡¯s condition became stable over the following days, and she eventually woke up as well. After he went to see her, he told me how proud he was of his sister and how brave and strong she was. I listened quietly as I looked at him, and I couldn¡¯t help feeling a bit teary eyed as I thought of Ye Miao lying down in her bed.


    That evening Piao Zheng visited again.


    He hugged me, ¡°He may have been under a lot of pressure over the past two years, so that was why¡­¡±


    Piao Zheng paused, and then said earnestly, ¡°It is obvious that you two like each other, why do you always have to fight it? Give him a chance. Although Ye Lin doesn¡¯t portray seriousness on the surface, he has a delicate mind, and he is really kind to you. Anjie, no matter what, your brother just wants you to be happy.¡±


    ¡°I know bro.¡±


    It was all I could say.


    After Piao Zheng left, I went back into the ward, and saw Ye Lin sitting on his bed with his head bowed, looking at his fingertips.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Feeling listless?¡± I walked over.


    ¡°You¡¯re still going back to him, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    The light cast shadows under his eyelashes.


    ¡°Ye Lin,¡± I sat on the edge of the bed and hugged him gently, ¡°I will always care about you,¡± I said softly.


    He reached over and hugged me tightly.


    Later that day, I was washing my face in a bathroom outside of Ye Lin¡¯s room. When I walked out, I glimpsed several men in suits and leather shoes standing in the east corridor. Instinctively, my heart became a little unsettled, and I walked over quickly.


    ¡°¡­.rest well,¡± a low voice said from inside his room.


    I slowed down as I approached the door, but in that instant a nurse walked out of the room, with her head turned back. We collided and the medical tray she had been holding crashed to the ground with a loud bang.


    Everyone around us turned to stare.


    Glancing at the nurse¡¯s blushing face, I leaned down to pick up the items off the ground. She squatted down to help.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    I forced a smile, ¡°It was my fault, I stopped too suddenly.¡±


    I handed her the tray.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, come here,¡± Ye Lin called to me from inside the room with a smile on his face and his arm outstretched. I stood up and walked over, brushing past his hand.


    ¡°Jian Anjie, I¡¯m thirsty. Pour me a glass of water.¡±


    I walked over to the table and poured him a glass, hesitating for just a second before handing it to him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I won¡¯t let you feed me,¡± Ye Lin laughed and took a sip.


    ¡°Ah, I forgot to introduce you. These are some bosses from my company,¡± he pointed to the two people in the room.


    ¡°So you are the ¡®Jian Anjie¡¯.¡±


    I recognized Nian Yi¡¯s deep, smiling voice, and turned around helplessly, ¡°Mr. Nian¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind if you call me Big Brother Nian,¡± Nian Yi said, glancing at the person next to him.


    I felt the second man¡¯s gaze pass over me lightly before turning away.


    ¡°It¡¯s good to have a boss who makes a lot of money. You can still get paid even if you don¡¯t model anymore,¡± Ye Lin said from behind me, his voice bright with mischief.


    ¡°Yeah young man, you should really thank your boss,¡± said Nian Yi.


    ¡°General Manager Nian, didn¡¯t I portray how grateful I am just now?¡± Ye Lin laughed, then took my hand and pulled me onto the bed, ¡°You¡¯re blocking my view. I can¡¯t see the front.¡±


    ¡°Your strength has recovered a lot,¡± I said.


    ¡°It¡¯s mainly due to someone taking good care of me,¡± he said without hesitation.


    I was quiet.


    My eyes caught the person standing in front of us slowly clench his hand into a fist.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    He was still indifferent and calm, but his voice was as cold as ice.


    Nian Yi nodded, ¡°Yes boss.¡±


    The arrogant figure walked out of the ward first, his steps walking with no hesitation.


    When only Ye Lin and I were left in the ward, he asked, ¡°Are you angry?¡±


    I wasn¡¯t sure why people kept asking me if I was angry.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Even if you¡¯re angry, you won¡¯t tell me now, will you?¡±


    ¡°Rest.¡± I uncapped his pill bottle and dropped a couple into my palm.


    ¡°You know I can¡¯t sleep at all right now!¡±


    ¡°So what do you want me to say?¡± I turned to look at him. ¡°No, I¡¯m not very happy.¡±


    Ye Lin¡¯s expression looked very hurt, and there was a hint of desolation in his eyes, ¡°Are you going after him?¡±


    I looked down at the tablets sliding between my fingers, ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°If I may ask, when?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be leaving in the evening.¡±


    Ye Lin slumped against the bed¡¯s headrest, his momentum from a moment ago completely extinguished.


    ¡°Go.¡±


    ¡°Take your medicine first.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t die again!¡±


    ¡°Take your medicine,¡± I insisted.


    Ye Lin suddenly laughed, ¡°If you have to leave, you can leave now, so that I won¡¯t get upset when I look at you!¡±


    I sighed, ¡°Ye Lin,¡± I injected a serious tone into my voice, ¡°I told you a long time ago, I told you,¡± I gently stroked his soft black hair, ¡°When I fall in love with a person, I will love him with all my heart and I will never betray that person. Ye Lin, the one I love now is him.¡±

 CH 48

    As I walked out of the ward feeling worn out, my phone rang. As soon as I saw the name displayed on the screen I pressed the answer button without thinking.


    ¡°Miss Jian,¡± the voice on the other end of the phone was not his, ¡°I¡¯m Nian Yi. Can we talk?¡±


    ¡°Go ahead,¡± I said lightly, suppressing my disappointment.


    ¡°Miss Jian, I¡¯m a few years older than Elvis. I¡¯ve known him for many years. He¡¯s almost always perfect at work, but he¡¯s not very good at emotional matters. He may treat love as a career,¡± He said solemnly. ¡°He used to hardly ever touch a drop of alcohol, but now he has alcohol in his hand every night. Sooner or later, people will break down. This matter between you?¡±


    ¡°Mr. Nian,¡± I calmed my breathing, ¡°you¡¯re worrying too much.¡±


    I hung up, and then the phone slipped from my hand and fell to the ground.


    I heard my anxious footsteps echoing down the hallway as I rushed off.


    When I opened the door of his room and walked in, I could smell the scent of alcohol, but it was not strong. The heavy three-layer curtains blocked out all the outside light, and the only light in the room came from a small wall lamp mounted at the head of the bed. It was weak, barely  illuminating the person sitting at the end of the bed. He was facing away from the light, his silhouette blurred like a layer of mystery in the dark.


    I walked towards the figure and squatted down in front of him. His eyes were closed tightly, his lips pursed.


    ¡°Xichen.¡±


    His body tensed up and his eyes flew open. I couldn¡¯t be sure of exactly how many emotions passed through his eyes as he looked at me. Pain, surprise, ecstasy¡­


    I reached out with my fingers and lightly caressed his cheek, then his neck, and waited for his eyes to focus before I slowly pulled him into my arms.


    ¡°Anjie, Anjie, how could you treat me like this¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t like some of your behavior?¡±


    I wanted to make it clear to him that while I didn¡¯t like his behavior and I hoped that he never repeat it again, I would not leave him.


    But Xi Xichen raised his arm and pulled my face to his, kissing me heavily with pain and deep frustration, his tongue greedily intruding in and swallowing mine.


    The taste of alcohol in his mouth made me uncomfortable, but my struggle made his arms around my waist tighten even more.


    He ignited a searing heat in me, and he knew exactly how to make it impossible for me to resist.  His lips fell densely on my neck, shoulders and chest, and he began to tug at the clothes on my body indiscriminately.


    ¡°Wait a minute, Xi Xichen!¡± It was impossible to go on like this when Mr. Nian had been standing outside when I had entered the room!


    But Xi Xichen showed no sign of stopping at all. His hands attacked my body mercilessly and a current spread through my whole body, making it impossible to resist.


    When I woke up later that night, my mouth felt dry. I wanted to get up and drink water, but when I moved, the arms around my waist tightened immediately. I turned on the bedside lamp and looked at the person beside me. He frowned deeply in his sleep, seemingly restless. I felt a sudden stab of pain in my chest, and I stretched out my arms to wrap around and comfort him..


    His stiff body began to gradually relax, and he woke up with a sigh, ¡°Anjie.¡±


    When I tried getting up again, his arms tightened around me once more, ¡°Don¡¯t move.¡± He sighed contentedly, leaning against my ear, ¡°Stay with me a little longer.¡±


    I stayed.


    ¡°You said you don¡¯t like my style, not that you don¡¯t like me?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    He lowered his head and kissed my forehead, ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll change.¡±


    After confirming this, he began to confess some things to me. He told me that what he did to Ye Lin had been out of selfishness as well as wanting to help, but the selfishness had been greater than the desire to help.


    I couldn¡¯t blame him, because all his selfishness had come from me. I wondered again what I had done to make him protect me for so many years.


    This time I asked him plainly, and he said that he would do anything just to receive a nod and some form of response from me.


    Maybe that¡¯s what love was. There was no source and no reason.


    I hadn¡¯t expected though that soon after we expressed our feelings to each other we would quarrel again soon after.


    Ye Lin¡¯s hospital had kept my number, so when I received a call from the hospital the following day informing me that Ye Lin was gone, I felt greatly disturbed.


    I didn¡¯t don¡¯t know how to tell Xi Xichen, but he immediately said, ¡°I¡¯ll take you there. Anyway, you can¡¯t run away from your life.¡±


    I went to the hospital to learn about the situation, and the nurse told me that Ye Lin still needed to stay a couple more days in the hospital for observation. It was dangerous for him to disappear so rashly. There was also no way to contact him because his mobile phone and wallet had been left at the hospital.


    I sat in a hospital chair lost in thought, wondering where he might go. When I came back to myself, I found Xi Xichen squatting in front of me with his coat on my legs. A sudden thought crossed my mind, and I jumped up, but my legs had gone numb and I fell back down heavily.


    ¡°Be careful. Where does it hurt?¡± He asked, holding me up.


    I pushed him away, ¡°I¡¯m okay. I need to go to him. I think I might know where he is.¡±


    He stopped moving, ¡°Can you pay attention to me?¡±He had a wry smile on his face, and his hand still hadn¡¯t let go. I looked at him.


    ¡°Xichen, I have to go to him and make sure he¡¯s okay.¡±


    He actually smiled, and then let go, ¡°You know very well that if you want to leave, I can¡¯t stop you at all.¡±


    ¡°What happened to you?¡±


    ¡°What do you think?¡± He twitched his lips slightly.


    ¡°There is something in your words. What are you thinking, what are you trying to say?¡± I felt a little angry. We¡¯d been so open and honest so far.


    He stared at me with a trace of unease, ¡°You make me uneasy, Anjie. You are nostalgic and have a foundation of feelings. All of this makes me uneasy?¡±


    I interrupted him, ¡°I thought there would be no more misunderstandings between us.¡±


    ¡°Yes, there are no misunderstanding between us. However, a little bit of trouble around you will make me involuntarily jumpy,¡± he confessed. ¡°Anjie, what if he really seeks death? What does it have to do with us?¡± His fingers lightly touched my face, ¡°You¡¯ve had worry for him written all over your face ever since you got that call. I know you are thinking, ¡®Where is he? Did he hurt himself? Is it possible that he committed suicide?¡¯ ¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help sighing and said, ¡°Xichen, you can¡¯t ask me to be like you. I can¡¯t adopt your complete ruthlessness.¡±


    ¡°It seems that in your eyes, I am completely ruthless.¡±


    I felt tired.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to argue with you about these things. I don¡¯t want to stress over and over again on the fact that we need to trust each other.¡±


    ¡°Your words make me feel like I¡¯m making trouble unreasonably,¡± he said abruptly.


    I paused for a moment, and then laughed.


    ¡°It¡¯s good that you know that.¡±


    I knew he didn¡¯t like seeing me like this, but I had had a relationship with Ye Lin, and I couldn¡¯t stop caring about whether he lived or died simply because the relationship was over.


    I didn¡¯t know how to deal with a couple¡¯s quarrel though.


    ¡°Maybe we need to give each other some space? I¡¯ll go to my friends to help me find him, and you can do your own business.¡±


    Xi Xichen looked at me silently.


    Lin Xiaodi was still around, so I called her. Since it was the weekend she wasn¡¯t not busy, and she quickly came without saying a word.


    For the next two days, I searched for him in all the places I could think of, but found nothing.