《MADMAN APOCALYPSE [Book 1 stubs April 21st]》 Chapter 0 Through the bars that covered the thick tempered glass window, the world was stained crimson, while fat droplets slowly rolled down the outside, leaving oily streaks in their wake. I regarded the blood rain with an ambivalent look, although at least the sun¡¯s light through the oily streaks dyed my white walls in a fascinating pink hue. ¡°Thursday already?¡± I wondered out loud to the only audience in my cell. The Panda plushie watched me with its beady eyes ringed by black spots. No matter how many times the orderlies threw it out, for fear of it being utilized for nefarious means, it always found its way back to me. It was quite possible that the Panda wasn¡¯t really there, but it was hard to tell. ¡°I¡¯ve been here for too long,¡± I grumbled. They gave me no clocks or calendars or even pens with which to track the time here, so it was only by looking at the outside world through the tempered glass window and protective bars that I got a proper sense for its passing. Thursday was always blood rain. It was the only real constant I could track the time by. A thump from outside my soundproofed cell pulled my focus from the window to the door. Without warning klaxon or an orderly¡¯s voice through the intercom buried in the ceiling where I couldn¡¯t reach it, the door simply slid open. It was a heavy metallic thing that might as well¡¯ve been used to secure a bull or a raging tiger. I smirked to myself at the thought that I was worthy of such security measures. I shared a brief glance with the Panda plushie, ¡°I suppose you ought to come along.¡± The knitted plushie didn¡¯t protest as I took it by the arm and went out through the door that had opened for some reason. ¡°Perhaps it is another hallucination, just like the blood rain?¡± I considered out loud. When I looked down the clean white hall with the linoleum floor and bulbous security cameras dotting the ceiling at even intervals, I saw that this entire section had been unlocked, as my neighbors¡¯ and their neighbors¡¯ heavy metal doors were likewise opened wide. There was not a single orderly in sight and the red glow that normally revealed the life within the cameras was absent as well. ¡°Is it Halloween already?¡± I wondered. ¡°Or perhaps they are testing us.¡± ¡°You ought to run,¡± said a voice nearby. I chuckled. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I heard voices.¡± I felt something tug on my right hand where I held the plushie, then it began to pull on my long grey sleeve as it crawled up my arm. With a surprised look, I saw that the Panda had come to life. ¡°Well, this is new.¡± The plushie made its way onto my shoulder then poked me in the forehead with its knitted fingerless arm. ¡°Snap out of it, Gambit! You have to get out of here before they get you!¡± ¡°Gambit? Is that my name?¡± ¡°Of course it is,¡± the plushie replied, shaking its head in disbelief. ¡°I¡¯m Pandamonium, remember?¡± ¡°Not really.¡± ¡°They must have hit you hard in the head last time they restrained you, those orderlies.¡± ¡°They are pretty strong,¡± I agreed. A fat hand suddenly reached out of my neighbor¡¯s cell, it was covered in blisters and sores, with bruised hues of blues, blacks, and purples. A second later the head emerged. ¡°Mike looks different,¡± I commented, surprised at my neighbor¡¯s glow-up. No sooner had the words left my mouth than the head turned to glare at me. ¡°¡­that¡¯s not Mike.¡± The head was elongated to twice its normal length, the eyes had sunken in so deep that nothing but darkness stared back, and the mouth was opened wide enough for the corners to reach the bottom of his shrunken ears. Not-Mike let out a garbled scream and launched out of the doorway, slamming into the hallway wall. He was about to reorient himself and jump me, when suddenly¡ª *Tap-tap* ¡­ Is this thing on? Oh, it is? *Throat-clearing noises* Welcome one and all to the GREAT GAME (trademark pending)! You may have already noticed that things have significantly changed around you. Those of you who were using public transport at the time of the transformation may already be dead or are about to be, once time resumes. Especially those of you on the subway. And my condolences to those who were within public facilities when it happened, as you have now become mindless monsters. The rest of you, however, are mostly all unscathed! For now. You will all be pleased to know that your world, ¡°Dirt¡±, has been chosen to participate in the GREAT GAME! ¡°What does this mean?¡± you may wonder. Well, let me tell you! Once every odd-numbered millennium, a world with a sentient population is picked to take part in the GREAT GAME, with the winners gaining cosmic influence and popularity. Pretty exciting, huh!? I can tell a lot of you are thinking, ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this, I have work to do at the office!¡± Well, Samantha, your office has become a den of monsters and your janitor is now an eight-eyed Calamity Demon, who craves human flesh. But don¡¯t you worry! Your old job and life may be gone forever to the predations of cosmic horrors and their filthy spawn, but the GREAT GAME comes with a fantastic System that makes everything A-OK by assigning you a cool new ¡®Class¡¯! Your starter Class may or may not determine how long you survive, but for those of you who do manage to hold on to your pathetic and meaningless lives, you can potentially gain a new Class or evolve your current one down the line! On top of your swanky System-granted Class is the ability to level up and improve your new attributes, like Strength, Dexterity, Wisdom, Defense, and more! If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°How do I level up?¡± you ask. Well, it¡¯s simple! Kill your fellow humans or the many new fun monsters that roam your world! But remember to keep a close eye on your Insanity Gauge, because once it hits 100% you will turn into a monster yourself. For the next twenty-four hours, have as much fun as you want with your new powers and attributes. Don¡¯t forget to familiarize yourself with the wacky neighbors who just moved into your area, and make sure to get comfortable with this new reality, because once the timer ends, the first of the many challengingly-brutal GAMES begin! Now a brief word from our Sponsors! THE GREAT GAME IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY *incoherent blood-curdling screams*! Time resumed as though I hadn¡¯t just heard a crazy message in my head that proclaimed the apocalypse had come in the form of some game of life-and-death. Then a screen popped up in front of my vision, before Not-Mike flew at me and slammed me back into my cell that I¡¯d just emerged from. I swiped at the air, trying to get the screen to disappear, while my neighbor tried to pound his fat hands against my chest. With a violent shove, I pushed myself out from under Not-Mike and his distended and bloated body. I kicked him in the side of his elongated face for good measure, then hopped over him and out the cell, before grabbing the heavy door and slamming it shut. ¡°That door weighs 800 pounds¡­¡± Pandamonium remarked. I looked down at my hands, ¡°Maybe all the exercise finally paid off?¡± ¡°What exercise? All you ever do is stare out the window!¡± While Not-Mike pounded on the door from the other side, I finally regarded the screen that refused to leave my vision:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Huh, that¡¯s not meant to happen¡­¡¯ Start the GREAT GAME inside a Dungeon.
I swear this is not meant to be possible¡­ but you somehow survived being inside a Dungeon during the transformation. Unlike the other patients and orderlies within ¡®Calm Springs Asylum¡¯, you have retained your humanity. Please remain where you are while we send an agent to investigate this mystery.
Reward: ¡®System Glitch¡¯ Class
¡°What am I supposed to say? ¡®Gotcha¡¯? ¡®Accept¡¯?¡± ¡°Maybe there¡¯s a small X in the corner that¡¯s really hard to see?¡± the plushie suggested. I squinted as I looked at the screen floating inches from my face, then I spotted the small symbol in the top-right and tapped my finger against it, making it disappear. ¡°Huh¡­ seems you were right.¡± ¡°Now can we get the hell out of here?¡± Panda asked. ¡°It doesn¡¯t sound promising that they¡¯re sending an ¡®agent¡¯ to investigate why you are still human.¡± As though to further emphasize the need for me to get a move on, garbled screams emerged from all the other cells nearby. Already, from the one furthest down the hall, a pencil-thin woman with clawed hands and a scrunched-up-yet-overly-long face was beginning to crawl out onto the ceiling, while her twelve-inch deep-purple tongue lolled around beneath her. ¡°I suppose waiting around is a bad idea,¡± I replied, then started running down the opposite way from where the thin woman had emerged. Screams and shouts came from the security station up ahead and I felt fairly confident that getting out of here would be quite a challenge. I barged through the door that separated my ward from the security station, slapping it shut with such force that it snapped the round handle off. As I stood staring dumbfounded at the metallic handle in my hand, more of the patients emerged from their cells on the other side, some like Not-Mike and others like the creepy lady climbing on the ceiling, and all of them gunning it for me. As I was about to spin around and hightail it for the exit, thick hands grabbed me around the waist and began squeezing. ¡°Pineapple!¡± I screamed, remembering my safe-word, but the person wasn¡¯t letting up in the slightest. With as much power as I could manage, I rammed my right elbow behind me, hearing a devastating crunch as it connected, followed immediately with an angry roar. The grip on me lessened and I quickly pulled myself free, turning around to lock eyes with my attacker. Except my attacker had no eyes. His entire head was like a thumb, nail and all, and the middle of it was caved-in from where my elbow had struck. He had the figure of a bodybuilder and wore the calming-blue suit of an orderly, though it was stretched so tight by his muscles that the seams looked on the point of bursting. ¡°The handle! Throw the handle at it!¡± Panda yelled. I got to my feet and swung my fist with the round handle directly into his thumb-head, producing a loud crunch and ragdolling the disturbing monstrosity. No sooner had he collapsed to the floor than his twin emerged from behind the security counter, shoving aside monitors and an analog phone to get to me. I belatedly followed Panda¡¯s advice and flung the metal handle at him, scoring a satisfying hit that sent him tumbling head-over-backwards. I didn¡¯t wait to see if he got back to his feet, but instead just booked it for the hallway that led to the main entrance. My woolen socks and the lack of friction from the linoleum floor sent me skating, when I tried to stop myself from running into the next door. I hit it with an oomph as the air was punched from my lungs, then scrambled for the round handle. As soon as I went through the doorway, I realized that something was off. ¡°The building¡¯s changed!¡± I exclaimed, looking down a hallway that wasn¡¯t supposed to be there. ¡°Everything has been transformed, after all,¡± Panda explained to no one¡¯s benefit. ¡°How am I meant to get out? The entrance was supposed to be here!¡± ¡°Maybe you can punch your way through the wall?¡± Panda suggested jokingly, though I immediately took him up on the suggestion, ramming my fist into the plastic-textured off-white wallpaper. After only a few punches, my knuckles were pissing blood, but I kept it up, until I¡¯d broken off a big enough piece that I¡¯d be able to climb through. However, when I peeled away the plastic wallpaper it was not freedom on the other side of the hole, nor even insulation or brickwork, instead it was like a tapestry of screaming faces. The sound it made was like TV static that only vaguely sounded like voices. ¡°Well, that¡¯s mildly disconcerting,¡± the plushie remarked. ¡°Mildly??¡± ¡°What happens if you touch it?¡± ¡°Do you just like goading me into doing stupid things!? Because I¡¯ll do it!¡± ¡°I was just jok¡ª¡± Panda started to say, before I reached out and touched the screaming tapestry. It looked as though it had been woven from old people¡¯s hair, and, for the brief moment I touched it with my fingers, it also felt like it. Then a powerful shock flowed through my body, before I was flung backwards into the opposite wall of the hallway and smoke billowed from my charred fingertips. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°What the hell was that?¡± WARNING! Attempts to exit a Dungeon in unconventional ways will be punished! You have 0/1 Warnings remaining. Next punishment will be fatal. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll be buggered,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Seems we¡¯re in a ¡®dungeon¡¯.¡± ¡°That must mean there¡¯s a boss or a gatekeeper somewhere.¡± ¡°Guess you¡¯ll have to beat whoever runs this place before it¡¯ll let you leave.¡± ¡°If this place now operates on game logic, aren¡¯t I supposed to have abilities or something??¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯re meant to start in a dungeon, to be fair.¡± I got an idea and lifted up my bleeding fist, then snapped my fingers. Snap! My middle-finger immediately broke in half, the top-half bending over the back of the finger, so that the nail almost touched the first wrinkly joint. ¡°Ow!¡± ¡°What did you do that for!?¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°I was just trying to bring up a Status screen or something.¡± No sooner had the words left my mouth than the System responded to my prompt and a window appeared in front of my eyes. ¡°What the fuck?¡± Chapter -1
Level 0 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---RED BAR---
STATS
Health: Not Bad Stamina: ¤Þ¤¢¤Þ¤¢ Armor: Tinfoil Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Carriage Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Wombat Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Sirloin
Athleticism: ÀõÊó Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Tinfoil
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯
I looked at the nonsensical information that¡¯d appeared before my eyes. ¡°This makes no sense whatsoever¡­ also, what does it mean that my Intelligence is ¡®TBD¡¯, that¡¯s just rude!¡± ¡°Hm, it looks to me as though this is the fault of your class, this System Glitch. All the information is jumbled.¡± ¡°I have three Passives at least,¡± I said, trying to look on the bright side. They were listed as ¡®Glitch¡¯, ¡®Insanity¡¯ which was a given, and ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯. ¡°No abilities, huh?¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Also, the only thing I can tell is that you can either carry a thousand copies of me at once or a thousand actual pandas.¡± I looked at the Strength, which was the only other thing with a numerical value attached, though I wasn¡¯t sure what it referred to exactly. ¡°Maybe Strength is how much I can bench press?¡± ¡°That¡¯d put you far above the world champion,¡± Panda explained, somehow knowledgeable about the sport. ¡°Can you read those strange symbols?¡± I wondered. ¡°I think they¡¯re Japanese,¡± the plushie said, ¡°But no.¡± ¡°How fast do you think a Carriage goes?¡± ¡°No faster than thirteen miles per hour,¡± he replied with certainty. ¡°What do you think that red bar is for?¡± I wondered, tapping the display in front of my eyes. As though prompted by my gesture, a new window popped up, overlaying the Status Screen.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Insane in the Membrane¡¯ Max out your Insanity Gauge at 100%.
Enjoy your new life of speaking in tongues and hugging your paralysis demons, while having the insects below your skin sing you soothing lullabies when it rains upside-down. Normally, reaching 100% on your Insanity Gauge is supposed to turn you into a mindless monstrosity and remove you as a contestant in the GREAT GAME, but you are somehow still human-ish in appearance. How peculiar. Please remain where you are while we send another agent to investigate this mystery.
Reward: ¡®Insanity¡¯ Passive
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°How many agents are they gonna send to investigate me?¡± ¡°A lot, from the sounds of it. Seems like you weren¡¯t supposed to survive going completely insane.¡± ¡°It¡¯s kind of their fault for expecting people in an asylum to succumb to their insanity.¡± ¡°Seemed to work on your friends,¡± Panda remarked darkly. ¡°Posers,¡± I scoffed. Before I could close the Achievement screen, another window popped up, overlaying it. It was starting to feel like I¡¯d ¡®accidentally¡¯ visited the wrong kind of website or something¡­
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -1! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -2 0/5
¡°Why is it counting my levels backwards?¡± ¡°How am I supposed to know how this works?¡± I clicked away the Level Up and Achievement windows, but yet another Achievement popped up immediately after:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®?Level Up?¡¯ Reached Level -1
I¡¯m not sure what¡¯s happening here to be honest, but, eh¡­ best you probably just remain where you are while we send a squad of agents to investigate this mystery.
Reward: ¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ Ability
¡°Ugh, it¡¯s non-stop!¡± I complained. ¡°You got an Ability though,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°I didn¡¯t even get to pick it!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be a choosing beggar,¡± he scolded me. I clicked the X to close the pop-up, then took in my Status again and poked the Intelligence attribute, to, hopefully, invest my available point. ERROR! Unable to invest point in chosen attribute! Please pick another. I poked the Wisdom attribute, only to be met with the same message. ERROR! Unable to invest point in chosen attribute! Please pick another. ¡°Ugh,¡± I groaned. ¡°Why isn¡¯t it working?¡± I poked the Vitality attribute and this time something happened. I sighed as I saw what it changed into. Interestingly, the Health and Stamina stats changed alongside it, but, again, the result was dumb.
Level -1 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---RED BAR---
STATS
Health: Not ¡®Bad¡¯ Stamina: ¤Þ¤¢¤Í©` Armor: Tinfoil Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Carriage Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Wombat Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Beef Medallion
Athleticism: ÀõÊó Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Tinfoil
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯
¡°This isn¡¯t so much insane as it¡¯s just downright frustrating.¡± ¡°I wonder why the ¡®bad¡¯ part of your Health stat is in quotations now, but I guess we can at least say that your Vitality is based on types of meat dishes.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure there¡¯s any logic behind this¡­¡± I clicked the Status window away and got to my feet. ¡°Alright, enough of this. I¡¯m gonna find a way to get out of here,¡± I decided. My right fist was still bleeding, though scabs had already formed. Panda, who had crawled down to sit in my lap, quickly climbed up the legs of my pajama¡¯s pants, then up my back and up onto my shoulder. ¡°What do you think your ability does?¡± he wondered. ¡°Doesn¡¯t seem that hard to figure out,¡± I replied, as I made my way down the hallway, trying not to look too closely at the screaming tapestry of faces through the hole I¡¯d made. The warbling screams from the patients behind me were entirely gone. Only the sounds of the wailing hole in the dungeon wall and the hum of the lights in the ceiling accompanied me, as I followed the path that seemed to curl around, before another door was in my way. As soon as I pushed open the door, a long-limbed woman in a pajama set like mine leapt into me, sending me back out into the hallway, where my head bounced off the rubbery linoleum floor. I pushed the screaming figure off me, before she could sink her buck teeth into my face or stab me with her Edward-Scissorhands-looking fingers. I scrambled backwards on my ass, while trying to get back up, though the lack of friction from my woolen socks made it a difficult maneuver. The woman swung for me with her scissor fingers and nicked my shins, before I was able to pull my legs out of the way. Finally, I got back to my feet, just in time for her to swipe at my face, cutting me shallowly across the bridge of my nose. ¡°You motherfucker,¡± I cursed. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it be fatherfucker?¡± Panda corrected unhelpfully. I pulled my bleeding fist back then hit her with a haymaker, right in the forehead. The punch produced a loud slap that echoed through the hallway and sent her slamming back into the floor with such force that it splattered the back of her head on impact. It was clear she wasn¡¯t getting back up. ¡°You¡¯re already bleeding quite a lot,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± I said, stepping over the dead patient. When I returned to the door, I opened it cautiously and peered inside the waiting room that greeted me. There weren¡¯t any of the ripoff Spy Kids thumb-faced orderlies in sight, but two more of the twisted patients were seated in plastic chairs up against the wall in the back, and there was a potted plant that¡¯d clearly come to life next to them. The normally-calming picture-frames on the walls were full of grisly torture scenes and leaked actual blood down the off-white plastic walls, and a set of reinforced metallic doors stood against the wall on my right, though there was no obvious way to open them. ¡°Charming,¡± Panda remarked. I double-checked to be sure, but it was clear that it was just those two enemies in the room. Then I made a quick decision, and pulled the round handle off the door, before running towards the two monsters. I settled into a slide across the floor on my socks as I wound back my arm and flung the metal knob right into the chest of one of the two, a man, perhaps, crushing his sternum with the impact. It produced a sound like crackers being stomped on. The other got up with a warbling scream, seconds before I slammed my palm into its chin with enough force to snap its spine. As the distended and twisted patient collapsed to the floor, I finished off the other, which was gasping for air, with a downward punch that cracked its head against the floor. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve definitely gotten stronger,¡± I said as I tried to wipe my bloodied fist on my grey shirt. The intercom in the ceiling suddenly buzzed to life with a scream of TV static. [THE PSYCHIATRIST WILL NOW SEE YOU!] it yelled. The reinforced doors in front of me swung open. Chapter -2 The pitter-patter of my blood falling in fat droplets from my fist to the linoleum floor filled the waiting room, as I peered into the darkness that awaited me past the opened metal doors. It was impossible to see what lay ahead, but it was fairly clear that something was awaiting me within. Panda was rubbing his chin, which was a strange mannerism for a plushie to exhibit. ¡°I wonder what kind of Psychiatrist we¡¯re dealing with?¡± I thought back to the man who had often interviewed and assessed me during my long stay at Calm Springs Asylum. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s Dr. Juliens.¡± ¡°Think he¡¯ll force you to swallow pills again?¡± Panda guessed. I frowned at the memory, though, to be precise, he had always just decided what medicine I would take, while the orderlies had been the ones enforcing my medication regimen. I¡¯d quickly learnt to spit out the pills after they¡¯d left though; there was no way I trusted them after seeing how they reduced the other patients to feeble placid creatures. ¡°Do you think I avoided becoming like the others here because I didn¡¯t take those pills?¡± Panda shrugged. ¡°If it is Dr. Juliens, then I¡¯d like to bash his head in,¡± I remarked. ¡°Wasn¡¯t he just doing his job?¡± ¡°He said I was clinically insane!¡± Panda fixed me with a stare. ¡°You do know you¡¯re talking to a plushie, right? Also, even the System said you¡¯re insane.¡± ¡°Shut up¡­¡± I clenched my fist, ignoring the pain from my broken middle finger, then walked through the open doorway. The darkness was like a veil or thin membrane that allowed me to cross the threshold of the double doors, but it immediately became solid once I¡¯d gone all the way through, as though only allowing one-way traversal. I touched it after passing through and it was like a pane of glass, though seemed impossibly-dense when I knocked on it. ¡°Welcome to my office!¡± announced a voice from behind me. I turned away from the threshold membrane to take in the scene before me. It was the same plastic off-white walls as the hallways and waiting room, the same linoleum floor, and similar plastic furniture. As with the waiting room, the normally-calming pictures were all totally messed up, all of them showing skinned humans that were smiling and tracking me with their eyes, while their blood ran out of the frame and down the walls. Behind a white desk with nothing but a cup of coffee on it, stood the Psychiatrist. He wore a calming-blue woolen cardigan and dark-grey trousers. His straw-blonde hair was swept back with copious amounts of hair-gel and he had round spectacles that rested on his nose, giving him a strange aura somewhere between party-boy and professor. ¡°It¡¯s been a while ¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€,¡± he said by way of greeting. ¡°You look and seem relatively-normal, Doctor.¡± Dr. Juliens pushed his glasses further up his nose ridge, then grinned. ¡°I am afforded a bit more sentience given the role the System granted me. I am the boss around here after all.¡± Panda tugged me on the ear, then whispered, ¡°Was he actually the boss of this place?¡± ¡°No,¡± I replied, my eyes locked on the Psychiatrist. ¡°I suppose this is the part where I kill you then,¡± Dr. Juliens started and the entire room unfurled, while the furniture flattened into the floor. It was as if we had been inside a box and the walls fell away to reveal a hidden exterior world. But it wasn¡¯t the outside world, no, instead it was that same screaming tapestry of faces woven from hair, which extended out from the edges of the floor and up over us like a dome. I reminded myself that touching it was a bad idea. ¡°This ought to be the part where the evil Doctor starts laughing maniacally,¡± Panda predicted, and no sooner had he said it than Dr. Juliens began cackling to himself, while his body underwent an insane transformation. His arms and legs elongated, with his fingers growing long hook-nails, while his feet transformed into hooves and the knee-joints inverted. His face transformed as well, but not how I¡¯d expected. From the nose, a swirl formed on his face, moving around in a spiral until it reached his ears, before his entire head unfurled like a meat rose, with the petals all adorned with spherical blue eyes, each featuring a tiny black dot. The cackling transformed into distorted TV static, while his body continued to grow. ¡°We might be fucked,¡± Panda said, but I ignored him, while backing away towards the entrance, which, like all the other walls, had disappeared and now just led to a brief fall cushioned by the screaming tapestry that marked the boundary of the arena. With a sudden lunge, Dr. Juliens flung his arms out towards me, the long limbs having grown a second elbow joint, while the laughter continued emanating from his meat-rose face with all the blue eyes staring intently at me. I hopped out of the way of his hook-nails, which caught on the linoleum floor and tore deep gouges as the enlarged hands pulled back. [THIS TREATMENT MAY HURT A LITTLE!] the staticky intercom voice said, before he swung his arms for me again. I took the opportunity to get in closer to his body by ducking under his arms, then jumped from the floor and up into the air, winding my arm back for a sucker-punch. [IT SEEMS MY TREATMENT WAS TOO LENIENT!] the intercom roared, as though Dr. Juliens was about to activate some sort of special power, however, before he had the opportunity, I swung my fist and rammed it straight into the center of his rose face. A loud distorted grunt emerged from the transformed Doctor, who, to my surprise, started falling backwards, while his hook-nails once again tore deep furrows in the floor. As I fell back down from my incredible jump, Dr. Juliens landed on his back, his elongated limbs momentarily out of commission. My woolen socks hit the floor and I slipped from the lack of friction, giving him just enough time to sit up, before I could get in close. ¡°Punch him harder!¡± Panda yelled excitedly, baying for the Psychiatrist¡¯s blood. I leapt from the ground again, easily clearing six feet without much effort, then swung my fist at the same spot on his face, but this time yelled the name of my ability: ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. if ( punch doesn''t equal kill ) { punch.harder( ); } My punch connected with Dr. Juliens¡¯ face, emitting a loud smack, but while it clearly rocked his world, it wasn¡¯t enough to kill him. As though realizing this, the condition of my strange ability triggered: REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch doesn''t equal kill ) { punch.harder( ); } As though there was a machine in my arm that moved at superhuman speed, my fist pulled back and released forward into a punch with such velocity that the sound of the first smack was still echoing as the second one came. I could feel that there was more oomph behind this follow-up hit, but, once again, the ability was not satisfied: REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch doesn''t equal kill ) { punch.harder( ); } Another instant punch followed, even harder than the previous two combined. But it wasn¡¯t enough. The ability reactivated, punching much harder, producing a loud crunch from the sounds of all my fingers breaking in unison, even my middle one which was already broken. But it still wasn¡¯t enough. There followed a near-instantaneous sequence of: punch => reactivation => punch => reactivation for the next eighteen punches, wherein my fist and arm were damaged nearly as much as the Doctor¡¯s meat-rose face. After the eighteenth punch in the last 1.2873 seconds, the skin and meat on my right fist was ground down to the bone and there was not a single bit left unbroken in my hand and wrist, with the tendons and muscles totally frayed and torn as well. I fell away from the final impact, which released a powerful buffet of wind that sent me careening back towards the far edge of the floor, while the smoking pulped-to-oblivion remnants of the monstrous Psychiatrist¡¯s head collapsed back the other way, spilling syrupy black blood onto the floor from his neck. As I slid on the ass of my pajamas towards the edge where the tapestry of faces awaited me below, a celebratory chime played through the air and the walls reappeared just in time to halt me from certain death. DUNGEON ¡®Calm Springs Asylum¡¯ CLEARED! Recommended Player level: 20 Average Player level: -1 Player survivors: 1 Player deaths: 0 Enemies slain: 5 Bosses slain: 1 ¡°I did it¡­¡± I remarked, woozy from the pain in my right hand and the comedown of the adrenaline leaving my bloodstream. Before I could look down at my ruined hand in my lap and see how bad it was, the tendons, muscles, sinew, meat, bones, and skin all began reforming and repairing itself. A series of pops, corrective cracks, and tearing Velcro, for some reason, emitted from my limb, before it was as pristine as ever. I looked at my hand in wonder, then suddenly realized Pandamonium was missing from my shoulder. Fear and despair flooded my mind as I considered that he might¡¯ve been blown off the side of the arena, but I didn¡¯t have the chance to look for him as several windows appeared in front of my eyes, blocking my sight.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Dungeon Delver¡¯s First Time¡¯ Killed your first Dungeon Boss.
No matter how many bosses you end up slaying during your participation in the GREAT GAME, you¡¯ll always remember your first. It hurt and it was confusing, but you also realized you liked it. Your reward is thematic to the Dungeon ¡®Calm Springs Asylum¡¯ and may aid you in some way. Or maybe it¡¯ll curse you. It¡¯s just a risk you¡¯ll have to take!
Rewards: Full Recovery & ¡®Psychiatrist¡¯s Flower¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®World First Dungeon Defeater¡¯ Be the first to clear a Dungeon in the GREAT GAME.
It has only been¡­ *checks watch* ¡­like an hour since the GREAT GAME started, and here you are, already beating a level 20 dungeon all by yourself!? You are definitely one to watch, it would seem, and, as a result, you deserve a fitting reward! Just don¡¯t, y¡¯know, open it indoors¡­
Reward: ¡®Dungeon Box¡¯
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -3! +2 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -4 3/15
I clicked all the windows away and scanned the room for Panda, just as a meat rose the size of a dinner plate fell into my lap, alongside a strange wooden puzzle box with a button on top of it. WARNING! The Dungeon will close in 60 seconds! You will be returned to your last known location outside the Dungeon perimeter! ¡°Pandamonium!¡± I yelled. ¡°Where are you!?¡± I pushed myself to my feet and heard a gasp from under where I¡¯d been sitting. ¡°¡­I can breathe!¡± exclaimed Panda in terror and relief. ¡°Oh my god, I saw my family, waving at me from the clouds! Grandpapa was there, calling my name!¡± I realized I hadn¡¯t slid on the ass of my pajamas, but rather on top of Panda¡¯s body¡­ Stooping low, I lifted him from the floor, dusted off his ¡®fur¡¯, and settled him on my shoulder. ¡°That last one was one hell of a punch,¡± he remarked, already over having been sat on. ¡°Should¡¯ve seen what it did to my hand though¡­¡± ¡°Your hand looks fine?¡± ¡°I was healed as a reward for killing the boss it seems.¡± ¡°Oh. Well, just don¡¯t go punching things willy-nilly with that ability. It seems like it has the potential to create an infinite loop if it¡¯s something you can¡¯t ¡®kill¡¯. Like a wall. I mean, how do you kill a wall?¡± ¡°Good point.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that gross flower about?¡± Panda asked, looking down at my feet, where the meat-rose and ¡®Dungeon Box¡¯ rested against my socks. DUNGEON CLOSING! Returning you to your last known location outside the dungeon perimeter! Chapter -3 I landed on my ass on top of the roof of the white-painted Calm Springs Asylum, which, apparently, had been my last known location before entering the asylum, which was now a dungeon full of monsters. At the time that the police officers and orderlies had pulled me down, I had been wearing my birthday suit and been in the midst of a pretty severe delusion that¡¯d convinced me I could fly if I wasn¡¯t wearing clothes, because obviously they¡¯d get in the way of my invisible wings. In hindsight, perhaps my internment within the emotionally-cold and awful asylum had been warranted, but no more! ¡°I¡¯m free!!¡± I screamed, standing on the edge of the diminutive two-story building wherein I¡¯d been trapped for over a year, perhaps more. Pandamonium joined in with a ¡°Woooop!¡±, which I appreciated greatly. Down below, three people were looking up at me like I was a madman, each of them armed with primitive weapons and wearing several layers of clothes in lieu of armor. WORLD FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ is the first person to clear a Dungeon in the GREAT GAME! For the next twenty-four hours, he is marked with a glowing beacon, so that anyone who wishes to congratulate him on his amazing rewards and riches can easily find him! He is currently located on top of the Calm Springs Asylum in the city of Castleburg, Massachusetts in the United States! On an unrelated note, killing other Players gives you access to all their riches. ¡°Ah¡­ what the fuck¡­¡± I complained, after hearing the message and looking up to see a faint pillar of light above my head. ¡°This may come as a shock, but I think they¡¯re trying to get you killed.¡± ¡°No shit, Sherlock. They told everyone I got a bunch of riches from the asylum, but I just got a meat flower and a box¡­¡± ¡°Hey you!¡± yelled one of the three people watching me from below. ¡°Come down here! We wanna talk to you!¡± Panda leaned forward to look at them from where he sat on my shoulder. ¡°I don¡¯t think they want to talk.¡± I sighed, then looked down at myself and my clothes. I was utterly drenched in my own blood, as well as the black syrupy stuff that¡¯d spattered on me from punching Dr. Juliens in his rose-shaped face. ¡°Where the hell are my rewards??¡± ¡°Maybe you lost them when we were teleported?¡± Panda guessed. ¡°That¡¯s bullshit!¡± ¡°Or maybe you have some sort of magical storage? That¡¯d be cool!¡± I thought about it, then said, ¡°Inventory.¡±
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A mysterious and ominous-looking box. A disturbing flower made out of meat.
Total Inventory Weight: 2.3 Pandas
¡°An inventory, huh?¡± ¡°It seems to be some kind of dimensional storage,¡± I said. While the three people on the street below were yelling their heads off at me, trying to find a ladder up onto the roof, I clicked the first item on the list.
¡®Dungeon Box¡¯ x
Who knows what¡¯s within? I definitely think you should open this normal box inside, and see the normal reward that it definitely contains, because it¡¯s a normal box. 100% NORMAL REWARD BOX!!
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a normal box,¡± Panda said. ¡°Are you enjoying playing Captain Obvious?¡± I asked. ¡°I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re being serious or genuinely don¡¯t know.¡± A tin can hit me square in the temple producing a hollow bwoing sound. ¡°What was that for!?¡± I yelled to the guy who¡¯d thrown it at me. There were now four people down below. ¡°Get down from there and give us your shit!¡± he shouted. ¡°Hey, fuck you, buddy!¡± I yelled back, then, without really knowing how, brought the box into my hand and hurled it down at him, where he stood near the street-facing entrance of the asylum. The Dungeon Box smacked him right in the forehead with enough force to knock him onto his back. It was apparently heavier than it looked. Considering how everything was weighed according to Pandamonium, as far as I could tell, it probably meant that the box weighed a little over a pound. The three other people, all men, came to his side and helped him up, then gathered around the box. ¡°Why did you throw that!?¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°That was your reward for being the first to do something! It was probably worth a fortune!¡± ¡°Woops, I guess?¡± One of the four men must¡¯ve clicked the button on top of the box, because suddenly something started happening. Black mist like voluminous shadows boiled out of the ground around the four figures on the street below, then seven stitched-flesh arms emerged from the tiny wooden box between them and started grasping the literal air, pinching and pulling. Ominous teeth-gnashing and slobbering chewing sounds echoed from the small box between the four men, all of whom seemed frozen in place. Then, without warning, the seven arms all retracted back into the box, pulling the fabric of reality with them and creating a distorted ¡®hole¡¯ in the air. Unsurprisingly, all four of the men were gone, sucked into the dimensional rift or whatever the hell it was that the box had summoned. WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Arny Bob Jr.¡¯ has activated a Dungeon Box and created a portal to the Level 99 Dungeon ¡®Fleshcrafter¡¯s Abode¡¯. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Don¡¯t venture too close or you might be sucked in! Or actually, please do, it¡¯ll be fun to watch! ¡°Still think it was a ¡®normal¡¯ box?¡± I asked. ¡°Don¡¯t go near that, it¡¯ll suck you in.¡± ¡°Does it look like I was planning on it??¡± ¡°Yes. Don¡¯t forget you have self-destructive tendencies.¡± ¡°Well, thank god I¡¯ve got such a benevolent angel as my guide!¡± There was a beat of silence. ¡°¡­That was pretty rude,¡± Panda then said. ¡°Sorry.¡± The plushie patted me on my head. He was surprisingly easy to placate. ¡°Alright! Let¡¯s have a look at that gross flower thing!¡± ¡°Inventory,¡± I said and the screen returned, now with just the one item inside the grid. I clicked on it and the tooltip appeared:
¡®Psychiatrist¡¯s Flower¡¯ x
Harvested from the kind, loving, and gentle paragon of patient-care, Dr. Juliens, this flower allows you to gain one of the unique and transformative abilities from his repertoire. But¡­ you¡¯ll have to eat it first.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Ugh¡­ why¡­¡± ¡°Gambit. Just eat the damn flower.¡± I sighed and brought it out of my inventory and into my hand. It was so much bigger than I remembered: the size of a dinner plate and with several thick slabs of meat, aka. ¡®petals¡¯, making up its rose-like design. Also, it was raw. I took my first bite and had to almost stop myself from puking. ¡°Don¡¯t be such a sissy!¡± Panda said, adopting a ¡®mean coach¡¯ attitude. ¡°I¡¯ve seen you eat week-old sushi from a dumpster! This is nothing, you weak-willed cretin!¡± I swallowed my first bite, then retorted, ¡°Don¡¯t forget I was in the hospital for a month because of the parasites that sushi gave me!¡± ¡°Excuses!¡± he shouted and slapped me with his soft fingerless arm across my cheek. Rolling up another ¡®petal¡¯, I began adopting a strategy of shoving the meat down my throat without chewing, hoping I could swallow it without choking to death. I eventually sort of just left my body, as I went through the motions, my eyes locked on the distorted scar in the fabric of reality that awaited me down below on the street. My mind reeled back into my own head again as a new window appeared before my eyes:
Choose your reward! x
You actually ate the entire meat flower?? That¡¯s pretty gnarly¡­ well, anyway, here¡¯s your reward¡­ slob.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ | ¡®Psychiatrist¡¯s Kiss¡¯ | ¡®High-Five¡¯
I clicked on each in turn to see what they did:
¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ x
Passive Multiplies your Punch with itself. How does that work? Who knows? We¡¯re pretty sure this Passive isn¡¯t even supposed to be available in our System, and yet here we are¡­
¡®Psychiatrist¡¯s Kiss¡¯ x
Ability Briefly transform your face into a meat rose full of teeth and eyes, sort of like a twisted version of a clam¡¯s face if you¡¯ve been unfortunate enough to see what that looks like up-close. Any Player who witnesses this transformation incur a +20% increase to their Insanity Gauge, and all non-boss enemies are inflicted heavy psychic damage. That¡¯s right, this ability has nothing to do with kissing.
¡®High-Five¡¯ x
Ability Perform a powerful overhead slap, which, if it hits another hand, produces a devastating shockwave out from the impact site. Caution: do not use on your friends. When we say ¡®devastating¡¯, we mean it.
I immediately picked the first one, since the other two seemed useless. ¡°Didn¡¯t it say these were unique to Dr. Juliens?¡± Panda asked. ¡°When have you ever seen him high-five someone?¡± ¡°Who cares, the logic behind this ¡®great game¡¯ is obviously bizarre and insane. I¡¯m just wondering what my new Passive does.¡± Before I could get off the roof of Calm Springs Asylum and test it, another window appeared in front of my face:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Picky¡¯ You picked an option from a multiple-choice reward.
This is a token achievement that does nothing. That¡¯s right, we even have those in the GREAT GAME! The reward is the annoyed expression you¡¯re making right now, as you realize we made this just to annoy you.
¡°Don¡¯t forget to use your attribute points,¡± Panda said as I frustratedly waved the pop-up window away. ¡°This sucks¡­ I feel like malware is being fed directly into my brain.¡± ¡°Status,¡± I grumbled and quickly invested my two points into Dexterity and Defense.
Level -3 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---Did you know that this bar is in fact red?---
STATS
Health: Not ¡®Bad¡¯ Stamina: ¤Þ¤¢¤Í©` Armor: Plastic Bottle Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Carriage Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Platypus Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Beef Medallion
Athleticism: ÀõÊó Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Plastic Bottle
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯
¡°I have no idea what Dexterity does. It doesn¡¯t seem to change any of my stats.¡± ¡°Look on the bright side, at least you¡¯re a platypus now.¡± ¡°Wombats are cooler, their shit comes out as cubes.¡± ¡°Platypuses produce both milk and eggs, meaning they could basically make their own pudding.¡± ¡°Also, is the Perception text changing color every time I view my status screen?¡± ¡°I think you¡¯re just seeing things,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Can we get off this roof now? I¡¯m starving.¡± ¡°Why does the thought of you eating terrify me more than the literal hole in reality down there?¡± ¡°Is it because I don¡¯t have a mouth?¡± ¡°Actually yes¡­ how do you speak?¡± Panda shook his head with a tsk-tsk sound. Chapter -4 While I looked around for a way off the roof of the asylum, making sure to avoid the front of the building near the literal rift in reality, a loud buzzing sound echoed across the city, as something large slowly descended from the sky in the distance. I couldn¡¯t really see what it was, as the enormous many-winged shape quickly disappeared behind one of the towering edifices to Capitalism. The part of Castleburg near Calm Springs was a bunch of smaller two- and three-story buildings, since it lay on the fringes of the city, but in the distance were the tall office buildings of the finance monkeys and other societal parasites. ¡°Perhaps the apocalypse was a good thing after all,¡± I mused darkly. Panda saw where I was looking and said, ¡°You¡¯ve gotta knock it off with this one-sided vendetta¡­¡± I narrowed my eyes. ¡°Never.¡± If not for them and their ways, I wouldn¡¯t have been forced out of my lousy apartment and onto the street, after already having been forced to sell my vintage collection of fridge magnets to pay back part of my debt. Buzzing came from almost directly above me all of a sudden, and I looked up to see a large potato-like vessel with six enormous botfly wings, which was steadily circling the beacon of light above my head, while descending towards the ground. WARNING! GREAT GAME Agents are coming to investigate cheating and rule-breaking! All Players in the area, get on the ground and prepare for invasive probing! Non-compliance will be punished! ¡°I¡¯m not having stuff shoved up my butt by an authority figure again!¡± I yelled and leapt off the side of the roof, surprising myself by easily landing in a tuck-and-roll without any injuries. ¡°Seems your Athleticism has made you great at jumping and stuff,¡± Panda said, then continued, ¡°I wonder if you can outrun these Agents though.¡± No sooner had he said it, than four figures in insect-like carapace armour had dropped from the circling potato botfly in the sky, falling to the ground like cruise missiles. Before they splattered on the roof of the asylum, two large wings unfurled from each of their backs as carapace plates shifted away to reveal them. With their armour and wings combined, they looked like futuristic beetle-humans, specifically of the species ¡®Eupatorus gracilicornis¡¯ due to their one large horn and four small ones on their eyeless helmets, as well as the glossy reddish dark-brown of their carapace plates. I didn¡¯t need any special abilities to understand that these ¡®agents¡¯ were bad news, especially for someone like me whose existence clearly violated the designs of their game. So, I ran towards the nearest building. A bowling alley. ¡°Who puts a bowling alley next to an asylum?¡± Panda wondered aloud, as I glanced back over my shoulder and saw the four beetle men spread out in the air, while clearly heading directly for me. The area near Calm Springs featured a few residential blocks, the aforementioned bowling alley, a park overgrown with weeds and dead plants, a small corner-store grocer, and some local stores with shuttered windows. There were no people in sight, but plenty of evidence of a mass evacuation, as well as signs of something enormous having plowed through the street and park. Cars and motorcycles had been abandoned in the middle of the street, forcing me to jump and climb over them to reach the other side where the bowling alley was. The sign out in front of the place had a wacky font and read ¡®Time to Spare¡¯, but clearly hadn¡¯t been maintained for a long time, as a few of the letters seemed on the verge of falling off. I slid across the hood of a polished Subaru, before diving head-first through the swing doors of the bowling alley, landing on a crusty colorful carpet, like the kind used in arcades from the eighties, and getting a mouthful of lint. No sooner had I gotten to my feet than a group of terrified young adults were pointing at me with sharpened sticks, bowling pins, broomsticks, and other improvised weaponry. ¡°He¡¯s human!¡± one of them exclaimed. ¡°Duh,¡± I replied, before two of the beetle Agents glided through the open doors behind me. Their wings folded in under themselves and disappeared under the plates on their back, just as they held out their three-fingered hands in claw grips. ¡°Lay down on the ground and prepare to be probed!¡± they said in unison. Their voices carried an unsettling buzzing, kind of like microphone interference. Before they could grab me, I spun around and swung my right fist into the helmet of the nearest Agent, shouting ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch doesn''t equal kill ) { punch.harder( ); } As my knuckles slammed into his horned beetle helmet, a tiny crack formed, but since it hadn¡¯t killed him¡­ REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch doesn''t equal kill ) { punch.harder( ); } The second punch followed instantly behind the first, expanding the spiderweb of cracks on the helmet. However, as soon as it reactivated a second time, something strange happened. My entire fist began glowing red-hot, as though instantly heated to a thousand degrees, and a different ¡®script¡¯ triggered: ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Math.multiply ( punch) The third punch launched forward with such speed that it didn¡¯t so much hit the helmet of the agent, as it simply just deleted the top-half of his body from existence, alongside the entire wall and doorframe behind him. A millisecond beat passed, before the sudden flash-heated air formed from the incredible velocity of my punch released its energy in an explosion of wind, which sent me and all the young adults behind me tumbling backwards, while flinging the other Agent out the doorway. While I tumbled across the colorful and crusty carpet, I just barely managed to grab Panda as he flew off my shoulder, and together we rolled through the entire lobby and into the area where they kept the world¡¯s most uncomfortable shoes, as well as all the bowling lanes. I coughed out a lungful of dust and carpet lint, then picked a few hairs off my tongue, before spitting onto the floor. ¡°Have they never heard of vacuum cleaners in this establishment??¡± The people around me slowly started getting up from the sticky floor, quickly giving me a wide berth. ¡°What just happened?¡± asked one of them, a young man. ¡°He just punched that weird alien guy so hard he disappeared!¡± exclaimed a woman. ¡°Who were those guys?¡± questioned a third person. I stood up and wiped dust and lint off my bloodied and torn pajamas, then said to the eight people who had nearly stabbed me to death with their improvised tools seconds prior, ¡°Those guys were bad news! They want to probe us all, and you know what that means!¡± ¡°We¡¯ve been hiding here for days and they didn¡¯t show up until you did!¡± replied one of the men angrily. ¡°Yeah, you brought them here!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be probed¡­¡± said a terrified young woman. ¡°Days?¡± I asked. ¡°This whole thing just started today, didn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Have you been living under a rock or something??¡± asked one of the men. ¡°The whole world went to shit a week ago. This thing with all the weird messages, and monsters, and stuff, it¡¯s just another part of an ongoing meltdown of society!¡± ¡°It¡¯s totally unfair,¡± complained one. ¡°It gave me a useless Class!¡± ¡°Who cares about your dumbass Class, Joe,¡± yelled a woman who had probably heard him whine about it too much already. I lifted my arms into the air, ¡°Everyone calm down!¡± A second later the three surviving beetle Agents burst through the ceiling, scattering dust and ceiling lights, before landing on the floor between us with three consecutive thuds. I reconsidered my words, ¡°Scratch that. Run!¡± Only two of the eight people heeded my words, with the other six charging the Agents, who lifted their three-fingered carapace gauntlets at them. Like a sudden swarm of angry wasps fired from their palms, a buzzing barrage of flechettes tore the six people apart in seconds. I was already hightailing it down one of the bowling lanes by the time the Agents had finished off the six and split to pursue us who had fled. It seemed that they weren¡¯t entirely certain that I was the sole troublemaker here, which was working in my favor. One of the people who had run, the woman who had scolded Joe, screamed in fear before an echoing crunch cut off her cry. ¡°Stop running!¡± demanded the beetle who was chasing me with leisurely strides down the slippery bowling lane. I¡¯d just gotten to the end of it and reach down to grab two of the pins, which I hurled at him as hard as I could, before diving down through the hole past the pins, to reach the area behind the lanes. Panda who had been looking back over my shoulder said, ¡°You only pissed him off with that. But nice throws nonetheless.¡± ¡°Thanks,¡± I said, as I squeezed out through the narrow gap of the machinery behind where the pins were stacked. All the machinery was powered but switched off, indicating that, despite what they had told me earlier about society¡¯s collapse a week ago, electricity still functioned in this place. ¡°I¡¯m surprised ¡®Time to Spare¡¯ wasn¡¯t turned into a Dungeon,¡± Panda remarked as I ran down the back area, heading for any emergency exit I could find. ¡°They probably don¡¯t want to stack them all next to each other,¡± I replied. ¡°But didn¡¯t the announcement also say that it was all public facilities?¡± ¡°Was Calm Springs a public facility?¡± ¡°I think the city was funding it.¡± ¡°Hmm, they¡¯re wasting a lot of good Dungeon potential by just limiting themselves to that,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Are you planning on giving them pointers or something!?¡± I asked, annoyed, just as I finally found an emergency exit. Another scream echoed through the building, followed by the sound of a barrage of projectiles destroying a bunch of stuff. They¡¯d already found and killed the other two who¡¯d run, leaving just me, meaning that I¡¯d have all three of the Agents on my ass in moments. As though to perfectly point this out, sounds of walls being broken down came from the backroom behind the lanes, just as I kicked open the emergency exit and ran outside. ¡°I¡¯m just saying, it seems half-baked at best,¡± Panda continued. ¡°Shut up for a second,¡± I told him. A back-alley ran behind the ¡®Time to Spare¡¯ building and I quickly followed it out into a large street with yet more abandoned vehicles. ¡°Another thing,¡± Panda started, ignoring my request, ¡°Why would public transport still be operating if society at large has shut down?¡± I halted in my tracks and turned my head to look at him. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Remember, the announcement talked about public transport. If society collapsed a week ago, why would they be operating all the way up until today?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t fucking know. It¡¯s all nonsense! And who cares, I won¡¯t live long enough to find out if those Agents catch me.¡± ¡°Perhaps you can hide your beacon if you go inside a Dungeon again.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so dumb it might actually work¡­ though there¡¯s also the possibility that I¡¯ll be locked in until the remaining Agents can hunt me down inside¡­¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t there a public indoor pool around here?¡± I thought about it, then realized he was right. If my memory served me correctly, it was only two blocks away. The buzzing wings of the flying potato grew louder as it began hovering towards me, obviously tracking my beacon, while sounds of destruction came from the back-alley I¡¯d just escaped from. I picked up speed as I leapt nearly nine feet into the air, sailing across an overturned truck and the two cars that¡¯d crashed into it from behind. ¡°If things have gone tits-up a week ago,¡± Panda continued, ¡°Then where are all the bodies? Shouldn¡¯t the dead be rotting in the streets?¡± ¡°Stop talking!¡± I demanded, fed up with his nonstop barrage of questions that were just confusing and terrifying me more than I already was. ¡°Sheesh, Gambit, you¡¯re a real sourpuss today.¡± The buzzing grew louder-and-louder as I went down a street between residential blocks, and a glance back over my shoulder showed me that the six-winged potato had picked up the three Agents following me. Fortunately, it wasn¡¯t a speedy vehicle, but it made up for that in persistence. And even if I had obliterated one of the Agents, I had no idea if I could pull it off three more times nor did I really understand how I had pulled it off in the first place. ¡°There!¡± said Pandamonium, pointing straight ahead with his fingerless arm. I didn¡¯t need him to point out the very obvious public indoor pool, as it stood nearly three stories tall and had a unique smoothly-curved roof. ¡°I wonder if my ban is still in effect,¡± I said as I pushed my legs to the limit, going at least as fast as a horse-drawn carriage. ¡°You know, that life-guard needed reconstructive surgery after you know what.¡± ¡°How¡¯d you know that?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you watch the news ever?¡± A staccato sound like a full-auto potato cannon came from behind me, in the same direction as the buzzing wings of the pursuing vessel, and I instinctively started zigzagging, which proved a good idea as a shower of flechettes began raining down all around me. I grunted in pain as projectiles settled into my back and my legs, but I kept going towards the relative safety ahead of me. ¡°They¡¯re firing tiny wine-cork screws at you!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Can you pull out the one in my shoulder? God that stings!¡± ¡°I can¡¯t! I have no opposable thumbs!¡± Another spiraling screw flechette pierced deeply into my calf and nearly caused me to fall. I let out a frustrated yell and quickly jumped behind a bus stop for cover, while the buzzing came ever closer. ¡°Fuck, fuck, fuck!¡± I cursed as I tore out the screws from my back and my legs. I didn¡¯t have time to be gentle with pulling them out. Nearby was a weather-worn and rusty metal bench bolted into the ground, but I ripped it free with a determined tug, then hopped out from my cover and hurled it towards the flying potato, scoring a direct hit to two of its wings, causing it to start losing altitude. While it slowly went to ground on a collision course with one of the residential blocks, I put on a burst of speed and reached the end of the street, where a flickering set of traffic lights chaotically blinked through red, yellow, and green at the T-junction. There was a particularly nasty multi-car crash in the middle of the road, which I leapt over, before running up the flat stone steps that led to the public swimming pool. I glanced over my shoulder once and saw the three beetle Agents zipping through the air a hundred yards back, their outstretched arms firing flechettes in my direction, which fell short several feet behind me. With a nose-dive into the doorway, I was quickly pulled into the Dungeon to relative safety. WARNING! Now entering level 8 Dungeon ¡®The Pool Rooms¡¯! Chapter -5 I slid across smooth white tiles as I flew into the Dungeon, finishing in an embarrassing tumble that culminated in me colliding with a wall. I was immediately assaulted with a series of achievements:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®I Fought the Law¡¯ You killed an Agent of the GREAT GAME.
Fun fact: Agents of the GREAT GAME are level 60 during the intro phase before the first GAME. Which begs the question: how did you manage to kill one?? In case you were wondering, this is the kind of act that gets you placed permanently on our Anti-Cheat Agency¡¯s radar. That¡¯s right, we have an agency like that. But I suppose that great feats merit great rewards¡­
Reward: ¡®Agent¡¯s Punch-Glove¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Most Wanted¡¯ Outran GREAT GAME Agents and lived to tell the tale.
To play a game properly, rules are important. That means that filthy cheaters like you ought to be purged! And not in a quick-death sort of way. No, the way we purge cheaters would make even your world¡¯s most vile and sadistic Gods blush. However, we also have the belief that accomplishments should be rewarded, so I begrudgingly give you this¡­
Reward: ¡®Wanted Poster¡¯
Before I could wonder why no items appeared by my feet like when I defeated Dr. Juliens, someone nearby gasped loudly at my sudden appearance, and I turned my head to look in their direction, as my body rested upside-down against the wall. I swiped all the pop-ups away and took in her appearance. It was a woman with long dark hair, tired-looking eyes, clear signs of emaciation, and a missing right leg. ¡°You¡¯re not gonna try and kill me, right?¡± I asked, as I awkwardly got to my feet. She looked up at me from where she was slumped against the wall herself. Her leg had been cut off above the knee but had healed smoothly, though there was visible shoddy stitching around the stump. ¡°Do I look like I¡¯m in any fighting condition?¡± she asked sarcastically. ¡°Looks can be deceiving,¡± Panda replied. I nodded, ¡°They definitely can be.¡± The woman gave me a puzzled look. ¡°How¡¯d you lose your leg?¡± I asked. ¡°Would you believe me if I told you that there is a monster in the waters here?¡± I looked around. There was no entrance, even though this was where I¡¯d entered, and there were two paths to either side of the hallway we were in, both of them leading down a few steps to waist-deep clear-blue chlorine-smelling water. Cold clinically-white light perfectly illuminated everything from the ceiling where bright tube lights sat at evenly-spaced intervals, and there was a long smeared-out trail of blood from the right, which led to where the woman sat, as though she had dragged herself out of the water and then magically staunched the bleeding from her leg. Weirdly, there was no blood in the water. ¡°Yes. I believe you.¡± ¡°You know, I recognize your face from somewhere.¡± ¡°Probably the news,¡± Panda answered. ¡°Is your name¡ª?¡± ¡°It¡¯s Gambit,¡± I quickly interrupted. ¡°My name¡¯s Gambit.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ that means the message from earlier was because of you?¡± ¡°I defeated the Asylum Dungeon,¡± I explained. ¡°That¡¯s where it started me, which, apparently, wasn¡¯t meant to happen. I was supposed to become a monster.¡± ¡°Sheesh, just tell her all your secrets, why don¡¯t you?¡± Panda remarked cynically. ¡°Shut up,¡± I told him. ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything?¡± the woman replied. ¡°I was talking to this guy,¡± I said, indicating Panda with a thumb. ¡°Who?¡± she asked. ¡°I don¡¯t see anyone.¡± Ah shit¡­ ¡°I told you, you were crazy,¡± Panda gloated. ¡°Nevermind,¡± I hastily said. ¡°If you came from the Asylum though, then you really are¡ª¡± I held up my hand and stopped her. ¡°Let¡¯s leave that in the past, why don¡¯t we?¡± ¡°I guess you¡¯re right,¡± she agreed. ¡°You¡¯re bleeding quite a lot, want me to sew you up?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°You know, with the healing sewing needle and thread they gave us.¡± If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°I didn¡¯t get any of that,¡± I replied. ¡°But sure, I won¡¯t decline your offer. Is that how you stopped yourself from bleeding to death after losing your leg?¡± She grimaced. ¡°That¡¯s right. Everyone I know got this ¡®survival kit¡¯ when the ¡®Game¡¯ started a few hours ago. As far as I can tell, you just have to sew around a wound to stop it from bleeding, but it won¡¯t heal missing fingers or limbs back.¡± ¡°I received a Full Recovery thing for beating the Asylum Dungeon,¡± I told her. ¡°Maybe if we beat this place together, you¡¯ll get that too and have your leg healed back.¡± ¡°¡­That would be nice, but I¡¯m basically just deadweight until then.¡± I thought about it and then wondered, ¡°Maybe everyone inside receives the Full Recovery. You could wait here while I clear it. Maybe that would work.¡± ¡°How are you so confident?¡± she asked, gesturing for me to lay down on my stomach in front of her. I complied and she pulled my pajama shirt aside, immediately beginning to sew the skin around the wound in my shoulder, which was definitely the worst injury I¡¯d received from the Agents¡¯ flechettes. It was an uncomfortable feeling as the needle went in-and-out of my skin, but it was tolerable compared to the pain from the wound itself. ¡°I¡¯m pretty strong,¡± I replied honestly. ¡°I don¡¯t even have a weapon but I¡¯ve been able to punch everything to death thus far. And the Asylum was level 20, so this place shouldn¡¯t be so tough.¡± ¡°This place is pretty big and the thing that took my leg came out of nowhere, so you have to be careful.¡± ¡°Ask her about what happened a week ago,¡± Panda encouraged me. ¡°I met some other people,¡± I started, ¡°They said that society as a whole collapsed a week ago?¡± ¡°And you¡¯re just now finding out?¡± I shrugged, insofar as such a gesture was possible while lying on my stomach. ¡°We didn¡¯t have access to TVs at the Asylum. Though thinking back on it, there weren¡¯t any visitors at all for over a week, which was odd. But yeah, I had no idea.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t see the blood rain or anything?¡± ¡°I saw the rain, yep, but I just thought that was normal.¡± She cast me a suspicious glance, pausing her sewing for a moment. ¡°A week ago, all guns and military weapons completely disappeared, alongside everyone under the age of eighteen. Most electricity and water to houses also disappeared, except for public facilities, like this pool, the library, police stations, train stations, and so forth. Tools and such completely stopped working as well, but somehow the streetlamps still light up at night. As you might imagine, total anarchy broke out and people began killing each other over these public areas, forming roving gangs and whatnot. It was crazy. You must¡¯ve at least heard all the screaming from the Asylum?¡± I shrugged again. ¡°Like gunfire at a shooting range,¡± I replied. ¡°It¡¯s impossible to know if the screaming came from my neighbors¡¯ rooms or outside¡­ or inside, for that matter.¡± ¡°Gambit, stop! You¡¯re freaking her out.¡± I glared at Panda who was sitting in front of where I lay, though didn¡¯t say anything, since obviously the woman couldn¡¯t see him. ¡°¡­Anyway. I ended up with a group who were staying in the nearby park. We were trying to make a little garden and everything, while staying out of the way of everyone fighting over the public facilities. Strangely though, no one dared to try and take over the Asylum nearby.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t see anyone in the park when I left,¡± I told her. ¡°Well, almost as soon as the message about this ¡®Great Game¡¯ went out, monsters started appearing from the Asylum, as well as from other areas. We ended up fighting these guys with thumbs for heads, who were really strong, before a massive bus came in and killed almost everybody.¡± ¡°A bus?¡± ¡°All public transportation apparently turned into monsters. When I ran away from the park, I met someone on a bike who said he¡¯d seen the subway train turn into a gigantic worm that ate everyone inside it. The bus was similar, I guess. Have you seen ¡®Totoro¡¯? It kind of looked like a nightmarish version of the Catbus from that movie. It was covered in stitched human skin and it had hundreds of chubby legs under it, as well as enormous soulless eyes and a toothy grin on the front. I ended up running in here with three other people. Two of them were eaten, the last guy got away I think, while I lost my leg. I kind of wish I¡¯d been eaten too.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get you out of here,¡± I promised her. ¡°And then what?¡± she asked, moving on to sewing the skin around my calf wound. ¡°What are we supposed to do then?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, survive?¡± She shook her head. ¡°I get the feeling that the societal collapse starting a week prior to today was meant to cull all the weak. People like me. I wasn¡¯t meant to survive¡­¡± ¡°She¡¯s a bleak one¡­¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Didn¡¯t you get a Class with special powers?¡± I asked. She sighed. ¡°It gave me the ¡®Archer¡¯ Class, and two skills, but they require a bow¡­ where the hell am I supposed to find a bow??¡± ¡°We¡¯ll find you one.¡± ¡°How?¡± ¡°They give rewards through achievements and for defeating monsters. You might get a bow from that?¡± ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Promise me something,¡± I said, after she finished the sewing on my calf and I stood up. ¡°Don¡¯t give up so easily.¡± ¡°Easy for you to say, you¡¯ve got both your legs still.¡± ¡°All I know is that I just got my freedom back and I¡¯m gonna make the most of it, apocalypse notwithstanding.¡± The woman tried on a smile. ¡°I wish I had your mindset.¡± ¡°It¡¯s all a matter of perspective,¡± I replied. ¡°Thanks for sewing up my wounds.¡± She packed the needle and thread back into the small box that she¡¯d pulled them from, then handed it to me. ¡°You should take this with you. There¡¯s about three yards of thread left. Also, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Annabella Exposici¨®n.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± I took the box from her, then said, ¡°Inventory.¡± It disappeared from my hand as the screen popped up.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A glove made from a beetle''s arm. A wanted poster with the face of a madman on it that reads ''Gambit''. A sewing kit.
Total Inventory Weight: 9.75 Pandas
I clicked on the ¡®Agent¡¯s Punch-Glove¡¯ to bring up the item.
¡®Agent¡¯s Punch-Glove¡¯ x
Soft and squishy on the inside, tough and durable on the outside. In case you¡¯re wondering, this glove belonged to the Agent you brutally murdered. He was just doing his job, you know? His twenty-seven children have sworn blood oaths to avenge him, so you¡¯ll be seeing them soon enough. Any punch with this glove has triple the impact damage. Wait¡­ why did we add that feature to it!?
Weight: 8.1 Pandas
¡°Triple damage,¡± I mused to myself as I brought it out of my inventory. It appeared in the air in front of me and fell to the ground with a clunk. I immediately stooped to pick it up. The outside was a glossy reddish dark-brown carapace with overlapping segments and errant spikes jutting out here-and-there, while the inside was kind of like a raw shrimp. The sensation as I forced my fist into the elastic and squishy meat was quite uncomfortable, but I was certain that this was the perfect weapon for me right now. ¡°Maybe this will stop you from destroying your fist every time you punch things really hard,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°How¡¯d you do that? Making an object appear out of thin air, I mean,¡± Annabella asked. ¡°You just say the word ¡®inventory¡¯ out loud. Same as with your ¡®status¡¯ screen.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know that,¡± she replied, before saying, ¡°Inventory.¡± I couldn¡¯t see what she was seeing, which I assumed meant she couldn¡¯t see my screens either, but I noticed that her eyes lit up with a blueish light, as though a monitor was reflected off them. I turned back to my inventory screen and clicked on the ¡®Wanted Poster¡¯ as well.
¡®Wanted Poster¡¯ x
A wanted poster with no face or name on it¡­ yet. Allows you to mark another Player or GREAT GAME Entity anywhere on the world of ¡°Dirt¡± for a full day, making them visible to anyone from afar thanks to a beacon of light above their heads.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas
¡°Might come in handy perhaps,¡± I considered, then swiped the window away. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m gonna go find the boss,¡± I told Annabella. ¡°Good luck,¡± she called after me as I followed her blood trail down the tile-covered steps and into the waist-deep water. Chapter -6 The stench of chlorine flooded my nose and filled me with nostalgia of the time that I body-slammed a life-guard for denying me access to the tube slide. It had technically been inside this place, but unlike the Asylum, the Dungeon transformation of the public indoor pool had completely changed it into something else. I also couldn¡¯t help but wonder if the name of the place was a reference to something. ¡°Do you remember what this place was called? I think there was a message that popped up right as I nose-dived through the doors.¡± ¡°Yeah. It was called ¡®the Pool Rooms¡¯, with a level 8 difficulty.¡± I was wading through the waist-high water, which filled the hallway entirely. The water sloshed loudly with each of my labored strides and the sound echoed off the white-tiled walls. I got a strange sense that I¡¯d been here before, though I knew for a fact that I definitely hadn¡¯t. ¡°It has kind of a weird dream-like quality to it, this place.¡± ¡°Nightmare, more like,¡± I replied. ¡°I wonder what kind of monster attacked Annabella,¡± Panda mused. He was sitting atop my head, since he really didn¡¯t want to get wet. ¡°I should¡¯ve asked¡­¡± I¡¯d already made it pretty far, so I decided to just press on. Although, the place was like a maze, with a lot of branching hallways just appearing randomly, most of them seeming to be dead-ends. The current hallway I was wading through led to stairs and up into a larger room, which would hopefully be where the boss was hiding. ¡°It¡¯s somehow creepier with no monsters around, don¡¯t you think?¡± ¡°I guess.¡± I reached up and patted Panda where he sat on my head and said, ¡°I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d be this scared of water though.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not! I just don¡¯t want to get my fur wet. It¡¯ll take forever to dry and I¡¯ll stink of chemicals.¡± I passed by two branching hallways on either side of me and quickly glanced down each in turn, but it was just more of the same. The uniformity of the walls and ceiling lights was making it impossible to tell if I¡¯d been down these paths already or if I was seeing them for the first time. No sooner had I moved past them than a pleading scream came from the left-branching hallway. It belonged to a man from the sounds of it. ¡°Didn¡¯t she say that one guy survived?¡± I asked. ¡°She did.¡± ¡°Guess we¡¯re going that way instead then,¡± I decided and quickly began running down the branching path, the water sloshing and splashing loudly as I did my best to push my body through it. The scream came again from down the end of the hallway, where a wall stood and two new paths opened up to the left and right. As I reached the wall here, I looked in either direction, until I heard the sound again and followed the left way, which led to a wall and a hallway going right, at the end of which were stairs and what looked like a locker room. I was panting heavily as I forced my way to the stairs, then quickly got out of the water and found myself faced with a dead-end, which, as I¡¯d seen from a distance, had lockers lining the wall. On the floor up against the back sat a man. He was seemingly uninjured, and he was alone. ¡°You okay??¡± I asked, breathing heavily from the exertion of getting here. ¡°What the hell are you yelling for if you¡¯re okay!?¡± Panda demanded to know. The man slowly stood up. He was wearing a dry white shirt, blue tie, thick-framed black glasses, and black neatly-pressed pants, with trimmed black hair and a clean-shaven face. Basically, he looked like he had just left work at the office, which I thought was weird, if the world had been a total mess for a full week. Then he let out the same scream again, except, his mouth wasn¡¯t moving. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. ¡°What the fuck?¡± ¡°Gambit, I don¡¯t think this guy is human¡­¡± ¡°What makes you say¡ª?¡± I started to ask but didn¡¯t get to finish, as the middle of the man¡¯s body slowly unzipped, opening up to reveal a massive vertical-slit of a mouth with thousands of needle teeth. I stood there dumbfounded for a second, then immediately spun around and leapt from the top of the stairs and several yards out into the waist-deep water, before quickly running back the way I¡¯d come. ¡°What are you doing!?¡± Panda yelled, holding onto my long hair as he started to slowly slide off my head. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you fight it!?¡± ¡°I am NOT messing with no goddamn Skinstealers!¡± I yelled. I had to stop and catch my breath, after running for what felt like half an hour, just to get away from the human-impersonating monster. Also, I was completely lost. ¡°You¡¯re such an idiot, Gambit!¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°This place is way lower level than the Asylum, so why the hell are you running!?¡± ¡°You know I don¡¯t like Skinstealers!¡± I reminded him. ¡°They already took over the city council and police, I ain¡¯t letting them get me too!¡± Panda sighed, then crawled down to sit on my shoulder, despite his obvious fear of the water that reached up past my hips. ¡°Well, regardless, we¡¯re totally lost.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll find our way to the boss,¡± I assured him. ¡°Just pick a direction.¡± I was standing in the middle of where four hallways intersected and I¡¯d already forgotten which one brought me here. ¡°That one,¡± Panda said without much thought, pointing his fingerless arm down the one to my right. ¡°When in doubt, always go right.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you think they assume that¡¯s what we would do, hence why we should go left?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what they think you¡¯ll think, which is why we should go right!¡± I nodded, totally convinced. ¡°Makes sense to me.¡± As I followed the right hallway, I quickly started hearing sounds of running water and picked up speed, shoving my legs forward despite my thighs and calves already being sore and tired. At the end of the hallway were left-and-right-branching paths, but I followed the sound to the right, then rounded a corner and came to a set of steps that led up out of the water, placing me in a square box of a room, where four colorful holes in the far wall indicated water slides. They were Green, Yellow, Blue, and Red. ¡°Pick a color,¡± I told Panda. ¡°Why do I have to pick again??¡± ¡°Because you¡¯re clearly good at it. So, pick one.¡± ¡°Fine. Red.¡± ¡°Why Red?¡± ¡°Same logic as before. They want you to believe Red is the ¡®instant death¡¯ slide, but it¡¯s in fact Green, while Red is the one that takes you where you want to go.¡± ¡°What about Yellow and Blue?¡± Panda shrugged. ¡°Well, I won¡¯t argue with the results of your last pick, so Red it is.¡± The slap of my wet socks on the white tiles of the square room echoed loudly, as I made my way to the slide. The sound of running water was coming from the slides themselves, which had holes in the top that fed steady streams of it down the tubes, to limit the friction-burns. Although, if it was constructed correctly, there¡¯d always be friction burns no matter what. ¡°Now the question is: head-first or legs-first?¡± ¡°Head-first,¡± Panda said with utter certainty. ¡°If it is actually the death slide, you don¡¯t want to be blended from the feet up. Or crushed, or whatever else might be waiting at the end. Me, I¡¯d use a blender. So, yeah, head-first.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve eh¡­ you¡¯ve thought about this a lot?¡± ¡°We all have dreams, Gambit.¡± I didn¡¯t know what to say to that, so I just crawled head-first into the Red tube. ¡°If this kills me,¡± I said, my voice bouncing off the smelly plastic walls, ¡°Then I¡¯m blaming you.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t blame me when you foisted the choice of picking on me! That¡¯s unfair!¡± ¡°Too late,¡± I said and pushed my body forward. Immediately my chest started sliding on the thin layer of water. Panda was sitting on my neck, holding onto my long hair as we hurtled down the dark tube towards either a terrible landing or death.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Blind Faith¡¯ You picked a colored path based on nothing but intuition.
In the GREAT GAME, colored paths are always fraught with danger and rewards. You chose a path based on intuition and time will tell if you made the right decision or not. While you are potentially hurtling towards certain death, here is a list of what the colored paths always lead to, though the color is always randomized: Death (green) ¡ª Treasure (yellow) ¡ª Setback (blue) ¡ª Boss (red)
Reward: Whatever lies at the end of your path
Chapter -7 ¡°Weeeeee¡­!¡± Sliding down through the Red tube on my chest, while picking up several friction-burns all over my body, I was pulled around corners and loops, yet somehow sticking to the tube and never slowing down. We were moving with enough speed that I worried about the landing knocking me out cold, and then, before I could even brace myself, light appeared around a corner. I flew out through the mouth of the slide, flying several yards above the water, before suddenly nose-diving with enough momentum to pierce the waist-high water and smack my chin on the hard tiles on the bottom. It took a few seconds before I pulled myself to my feet, my entire body utterly soaked. My ruined pajamas were already far beyond saving and now just clung to my body like wet tissue paper. I was rubbing my chin, while grimacing in pain, but at least I hadn¡¯t knocked out any teeth. ¡°Nice landing,¡± Panda commented sarcastically from atop my head. He was, inexplicably, dry to the bone. My long black hair was sticking to the sides of my face and I was sure that I must¡¯ve looked quite ¡®charming¡¯ in my current state. ¡°I need new threads after we¡¯re done here,¡± I told him. ¡°Maybe a proper suit, like what they sell down at Normann¡¯s.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t afford those,¡± he reminded me. ¡°Who said anything about buying one? Besides, place is 100% abandoned.¡± Panda made a great show of looking around. ¡°I wonder which room we got. That achievement mentioned the four potential options. Since we¡¯re still alive, Red wasn¡¯t the ¡®death¡¯ slide.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s the slow-death variant,¡± I guessed. ¡°Maybe the water is full of radioactive waste.¡± ¡°Nah, slow-death traps are too inefficient. They¡¯re running a well-oiled machine here, or I¡¯m hoping at least, so they would only use instant-death traps.¡± ¡°Regardless, a bit unfair to not warn me until after I picked a slide.¡± I looked around finally, taking in the room. It was a large square, perhaps a hundred by a hundred yards across. In the very center was a raised circular ¡®island¡¯, where I could escape the water, and as such I immediately began making my way over there, wading through the clear-blue pool water. Besides the red exit-hole of the slide I¡¯d taken behind me, there was a large circular tube hole in the ceiling some twenty feet above, directly over the round island. At the opposite end of the room was a simple opening that led to a hallway like the countless ones I¡¯d already traversed. ¡°I¡¯m getting Boss Arena vibes,¡± I mumbled, and no sooner had the words left my mouth than a loud tapping sound came from above near the ceiling hole, alongside repeated suction-cup squelches. The moment I peered directly at the dark aperture above me, luminescent pearl-white and enormous teeth became visible, followed by two salamander-like hands the size of my torso, which pulled the toothsome gentleman down through the tube. A huge eyeless and grinning big-lipped newt fell from the hole and down onto the island directly below with a loud slimy thud. It had two stumpy arms with fat fingers, a big mouth, and then the rest of its body was like one long tail. Its entire body was covered in taut and rubbery beige skin, as though it had been birthed by a person, and as I stared at it in equal parts horror and fascination from several yards away, I noticed its massive pores and the bristly dark hairs that grew sporadically all over its disturbing body. Its large set of pearly veneer chompers chattered eagerly, and I noticed holes on either side of its large head which were possibly ear canals. ¡°I wonder if it¡¯s using its teeth for echo-location,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Try calling out to it.¡± ¡°Are you mad!?¡± I hissed under my breath, but even my relatively-quiet voice immediately caught the giant newt¡¯s attention. In one leap powered by its surprisingly-strong stumpy arms, it almost closed the gap between us, landing a few feet short in the water. It quickly launched forward using its tail, flying directly at me. The sudden move caught me off-guard and the water made it impossible to quickly dodge out of the way, so I swung my gauntleted right fist at its head. Before I could invoke my overpowered ability there came a loud crunch. Surprise and cortisol flooded my system as I stared at where the massive chompers had bitten my right arm clean off, pinching the stump that remained to the point that the blood pissed from the exposed flesh in a single stream. I gritted my teeth against the pain, then pulled my head back, before smashing my forehead into the monster¡¯s upper lip with enough force to knock it back several feet. ¡°Give me my fucking arm back!!¡± I screamed and tried to run towards it through the deep water. ¡°Gambit! Calm down and treat your wound before you bleed out!¡± Panda advised, but I ignored him. As I swung my left fist at the giant newt, it deftly backstepped and then leapt forward in a chomp that took that arm as well.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®No Arms No Cookies¡¯ You lost both your arms without dying.
Quite an impressive thing to accomplish, I must say. Though perhaps you just encountered one of the GREAT GAME¡¯s more sadistic enemies. Who can say for sure. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. Since you¡¯re about to die, let me take this moment to say: Ha ha ha, you have no arms!
Reward: ¡®Sleeveless Shirt¡¯
Since I had no arms, I couldn¡¯t swipe the frustrating achievement away, but I could still kind of see through its translucent background, managing to dodge a follow-up chomp from the giant newt. Panda was holding on to me for dear life, as I tried my best to hop out of the way of the monster¡¯s repeated biting attacks. On the fourth of such chomping strikes aimed at my torso, I managed to ram my knee up into the underside of its mouth with enough force to distract it. Then I hopped up onto its back, knelt low to build up power in my legs like a spring, and fired myself high into the air of the large room. Like crimson streamers, two identical blood trails followed me as I flew high enough to nearly touch the ceiling, before turning and falling right back down towards the giant newt, scalp-first. ¡°Waaaaaaaaah¡­!¡± screamed Panda in terror, while I gritted my teeth and prepared for a concussion. Smack! The sound of my head hitting the top of the eyeless amphibian¡¯s spine at about sixty miles an hour rang out across the room and the monster bucked and spasmed in pain, while I quickly slid off its rubbery skin and into the water, on the brink of losing consciousness. In the grand scheme of things, it was quite impressive that I hadn¡¯t perished from bloodloss already, and it was this one fact that made me struggle upright in the water and hobble towards the enraged giant newt, before swinging my head at it for a third time. Come on! I prayed, and my prayers were answered. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! Math.multiply ( punch ) It felt as though my face was covered in flames and my forehead barely kissed the side of the giant amphibian, producing a sound like a shotgun going off. The middle section of the monster was blown into a fine bloody mist as the Passive multiplied my impact damage according to some unseen logic. No sooner had I defeated the giant newt than I went stiff as a board and smacked my head into the water, the crimson fountains that my arms were reduced to dying the blue pool into an ominous hue. My consciousness was fading as the announcement went out: DUNGEON ¡®The Pool Rooms¡¯ CLEARED! Recommended Player level: 8 Recommended Team size: 6 Average Player level: -1 Player survivors: 2 Player deaths: 14 Enemies slain: 0 Bosses slain: 1
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Pool Rooms First Clear¡¯ Cleared The Pool Rooms for the first time.
Since this is your first time clearing this Dungeon, we are gracious enough to gift you something. But don¡¯t expect a reward for repeated clears of ¡®The Pool Rooms¡¯!
Rewards: Full Recovery & ¡®Lil¡¯ Newt¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bossy¡¯ Killed your second Dungeon Boss.
Hey, you¡¯re getting the hang of this. I suppose we could spare you a little something to make your future Dungeon escapades more interesting.
Reward: ¡®Looking Glass¡¯
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -4! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -5 4/15
Ignore this box, unless you find this in a story on Amazon, in which case it was pirated from Royal Road dot com
the original author of this story is Dosei and he doesn''t like Content Thieves. >:(
My head was underwater and the now-four overlapping pop-ups made it impossible to see. I just lay there as a burning sensation built in my shoulders, before radiating out to my pathetic stumps, regrowing my arms from the ground-up, which, given that I was submerged in chlorinated water was perhaps not the healthiest thing. WARNING! The Dungeon will close in 60 seconds! You will be returned to your last known location outside the Dungeon perimeter! I didn¡¯t move from where I floated, though I was sure I¡¯d run out of oxygen soon. Despite the near-death experience, I felt utterly calm as I floated there in the red pool, staring at the white tiles below, while my arms regrew. Maybe Annabella was experiencing the same thing with her missing leg right now. The sensation of something soft repeatedly tapping the back of my head made me realize that Panda was trying to communicate something to me, but I couldn¡¯t hear him, and I was too relaxed to try and figure out what he was saying. DUNGEON CLOSING! Returning you to your last known location outside the dungeon perimeter! Chapter -8 I landed like a wet rug on the stone-covered ground right in front of the public indoor pool¡¯s entrance, releasing a gasp as I sucked in the delicious air, before immediately hacking out a lungful of water. After rolling onto my back, I stared up at the sky above, where the sun¡¯s light was almost totally gone. Though they felt like they were full of static, I raised my arms up above me, seeing that they were back, not to mention that the Agent¡¯s Punch Glove still surrounded my right hand and half the forearm. ¡°Gambit!¡± Panda yelled, as though I¡¯d been ignoring him for a while. ¡°The Agents might still be out here!¡± With a suddenness I wasn¡¯t physically ready for, I shot to my feet, the motion causing stars and wormy bright lights to swim through my vision. I looked around on the wide steps leading up to the entrance of the building, as well as the sky, but there were, blissfully, no sign of them. ¡°Seems they¡¯re leaving me alone for now,¡± I replied. ¡°If those ominous messages are anything to go by, we won¡¯t have seen the last of them¡­¡± I looked at my gauntlet, remembering how the achievement had told me the agent¡¯s children would all be trying to kill me¡­ ¡°I wonder why I got to keep this?¡± I mused, moving my hand around so that the glossy carapace segments shone and changed color slightly in the sparse sunlight. ¡°There¡¯s probably some rule that prevents equipped items from being devoured completely.¡± ¡°That makes no sense¡­ you¡¯re saying that it was recovered along with my swallowed arm?¡± ¡°How else would you explain it?¡± ¡°¡­Fair enough.¡± As I thought about the Full Recovery that¡¯d literally saved my life, I remembered the woman I¡¯d met: Annabella. I looked around and saw her standing not too far away, her right leg returned to her body. I was glad to see that my theory had been correct. Then I noticed that she wasn¡¯t alone, since she was talking to some guy who seemed slightly familiar. He looked kind of like an office worker, his hair was neatly-cut, he was clean-shaven, he had thick glasses, a white shirt, blue tie, and black pants. ¡°Panda¡­ didn¡¯t the announcement say there were only two survivors?¡± Pandamonium followed my gaze and noticed the guy as well. ¡°That¡¯s right¡­¡± He was just standing there, staring straight into the air, while Annabella was talking to him, asking him questions. I knew what was coming, and I knew what I had to do. As I began striding towards him, Annabella turned to look at me and sounded like she was about to say ¡°Thank you.¡± Her words were cut off when I pulled my right gauntleted fist back and slammed it right into the guy¡¯s torso. Thanks to my already-incredible strength and the tripling impact damage of my Punch Glove, the result sounded less like a thud and more like ten Ritz crackers being stepped on. The Skinstealer immediately fell forward, forehead slapping against the stones. Just like that, it was dead.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Boy who cried ¡°Wolf!¡±¡¯ Killed a Skinstealer in front of another person, before it could reveal its true nature.
Whether this was a random coincidence or intentional, you pulled off quite an incredible thing, and your actions may have saved countless lives from this infiltrating monster¡¯s predations¡­ However, it seems you are the only one who knows the truth, so, yeah¡­ have fun explaining this one to your friends¡­
Reward: ¡®Conspiracy Whistle¡¯
Immediately a black whistle with red lines on it manifested in the air above my hand, and as soon as I touched it, it disappeared, no doubt going straight into my Inventory. ¡°What did you do!! Oh my god, you killed Sam! What the fuck is wrong with you, you psycho!¡± ¡°You don¡¯t understand,¡± I started to say, stepping closer to her, but she immediately took a step back, then pulled a crossbow out of thin air, perhaps a reward she had gotten from the Dungeon. She lifted it up and aimed it right at my head, with an arrow appearing on the string from one moment to the next. ¡°Don¡¯t come near me! I¡¯ll shoot!¡± ¡°Annabella, please¡ª¡± ¡°I knew I shouldn¡¯t have trusted someone like you!¡± I gritted my teeth. ¡°I just saved your life you, you idiot! He was a Skinstealer! He was gonna kill you!¡± ¡°Just like the Mayor, right!?¡± she yelled. Seeing my surprised expression, she went on, ¡°Yeah, I heard all about it on the news! Everyone did! You¡¯re a fucking monster!!¡± ¡°Gambit, let¡¯s just go,¡± Panda advised. I released an angry and frustrated wordless yell, then turned around and ran off. I was heading in the direction of Normann¡¯s tailor shop, hoping to find myself some slick new threads there. I¡¯d swapped my wet pajamas for the sleeveless shirt I¡¯d gotten. It was literally just a normal white crisp dress shirt with the sleeves missing. It had no unique benefits or effects, but it was a nice quality. It was fortunate that I hadn¡¯t seen any other survivors, since, when I¡¯d put my pajamas into my inventory, the pants had gone in as well. ¡°You know, you¡¯re not really giving off ¡®I¡¯m-not-crazy¡¯ vibes with this getup.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m heading to Normann¡¯s!¡± I replied, annoyed. I was still thinking about what Annabella had said and the memories of the past were coming to the front of my mind. It had all started a few years back, when I¡¯d been fired from my job, following my dad going into the hospital and me having to care for him and pay for his treatment, despite the fact that it made no difference to him, as he croaked not long after. I¡¯d been without income, saddled with medical debt from a healthcare system that¡¯d failed me and my family, and then I lost my apartment. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. All of it had been too much to bear, and the stress, anxiety, and anger¡­ all of it had coagulated into a mental breakdown. Much of my memories from that time were hazy at best, but I had been living in the parks for weeks, while making posts to the local Castleburg message boards, as well as posting videos about my beliefs to all the social medias. ¡°Conspiracy theories,¡± Panda corrected me. ¡°I¡¯m doing the inner monologuing here, not you!¡± A few of my posts had gone viral and, as it always goes, the story was picked up by local and then national news stations, where I was openly mocked for my beliefs. Rather than extend a helping hand, I was made the black sheep of Castleburg, and I think that was the thing that really sent me over the edge. The following years I went in-and-out of mental institutions, after petty thefts, public acts of indecency, arson, violent assault on a lifeguard who had an attitude, and, lastly, the attempted murder of the Mayor. I wish I could remember my justifications at the time, but all I know is that I went to his private residence with a screwdriver and a hammer, and it ended up in a city-wide manhunt. I was chased down by the police while utterly naked for many hours, with the hunt culminating in me somehow ending up on the roof of the Calm Springs Asylum where I¡¯d been admitted once prior. When the sentencing went down after I was finally captured, it was for life, with no chance of parole, but my defense lawyer, a guy by the name of Thomas Smile, was able to successfully argue for an insanity verdict, just like all my previous convictions, which is how I ended up in Calm Springs Asylum permanently. Or well, until the whole world went under. ¡°You know, the attempted murder on the Mayor I get, but why did you have to kill his dog?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t! They framed me!¡± Panda scoffed. ¡°I¡¯m telling the truth! What point would there be in me lying now??¡± ¡°Fine, whatever. But why would someone frame you for that?¡± ¡°Because killing a dog is an unforgivable act. Any shred of sympathy people might¡¯ve had for me and my cause was destroyed with that act pinned on me.¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯m losing my mind too, but that does make sense in a way.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a figment of my imagination, so if I¡¯m crazy, then we¡¯re both crazy.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I watched you lose both your arms and headbutt a monster to death. That¡¯s a level of insanity I can¡¯t compete with.¡± ¡°Really? I thought you were something like my subconscious mind.¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s pretty rude, Gambit. I¡¯m your friend! Not your repressed thoughts!¡± ¡°Then why can¡¯t anyone see you?¡± Panda shrugged. ¡°Maybe only the insane can perceive me?¡± I thought about it. It seemed probable, but who knew how any of this stuff really worked? And besides, Panda had been by my side for ages, though I definitely remembered the orderlies at Calm Springs confiscating him repeatedly¡­ ¡°Inventory,¡± I said, bringing up the menu. It was too much to figure out right now, especially when I was cold and starving.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted posted that reads ''gambit''. A sewing kit. A lil'' newt that''s cute! A magnifying glass. ...I think that''s supposed to be a whistle, but AI apparently sucks at making whistles, who would''ve thought? A wet set of pajamas.
Total Inventory Weight: 13.65 Pandas
¡°Think we can eat the ¡®Lil¡¯ Newt¡¯?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°Stop, I¡¯m having flashbacks to the meat flower¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s surprising you¡¯re hungry despite eating that.¡± I gagged at the memory. ¡°It was foul. Also I think it disappeared from my stomach after I took the skill it offered.¡± While the screen remained open in front of me, I hopped over some cars that were crashed into each other on the road I was walking down to reach Normann¡¯s shop. I tapped the image of the salamander and it popped up with a new screen:
¡®Lil¡¯ Newt¡¯ x
Obtained by defeating the Pool Rooms Dweller. Some amphibians on your planet are known to regrow limbs and organs, well, Lil¡¯ Newt here is technically immortal. Given enough time, he will eventually return to his original size as he was when you fought him in the Pool Rooms. However, the reason he is only ¡®technically¡¯ immortal, is that he can be slain with a kiss on his eyeless head. Guess what you have to do to gain access to his rewards.
Weight: 2.3 Pandas
¡°I have to¡­ kiss it?¡± ¡°Not the worst thing in the world.¡± I sighed, pulling the salamander out of my inventory. It appeared on my palm and sat there, looking at me with its rubbery eyeless smiling head. Despite the fact that it was roughly the size of a normal salamander in this state, its teeth were way too big, like they belonged to a six-year-old kid, which really offset its cuteness factor. As I braced myself for the most terrible texture in the world, I leaned down and planted a lil¡¯ peck on Lil¡¯ Newt¡¯s head. ¡°That wasn¡¯t so bad,¡± Panda commented as I straightened back up. Then the Newt began screaming, as it was slowly turned into dust like a vampire caught in the sun.
Choose your reward! x
I can¡¯t believe you did that¡­ that was truly the most horrific thing I¡¯ve seen in the last two-and-a-half minutes. Before that, it was a guy picking a fight with a metro train, which went about as well as you might imagine. Anyway¡­
Pick one of the options: ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ | ¡®Newt¡¯s Boon¡¯ | ¡®Echolocation¡¯
¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ x
Passive We¡¯re not meant to encourage this behavior, but, eh, well¡­ this Passive makes you jump further and run faster in inverse relation to how much clothes you¡¯re wearing. So, get in your speedos and tear up the race track!
¡®Newt¡¯s Boon¡¯ x
Passive Harness the power of Lil¡¯ Newt who you killed with a kiss, by becoming able to VERY SLOWLY regenerate lost body-parts and internal organs. However, it¡¯s very painful and the shock of regenerating lost limbs might give you a heart-attack.
¡®Echolocation¡¯ x
Passive Your hearing improves to the point that any sound you make can help you distinguish what your surroundings look like in a twenty-yard radius. But you also permanently lose your vision if you pick this¡­ but hey, you can live out your dreams of being a Manbat!
¡°Truly some terrible options,¡± I remarked. ¡°One cripples me, another might kill me, and the last one rewards me for running around naked¡­¡± ¡°You¡¯re already going pantsless, so what¡¯s the harm?¡± ¡°Fine,¡± I said with a frown and chose BIRTHDAY_SUIT as my reward. I felt a sudden flood of energy fill me and when I next jumped over an obstacle on the road, I flew almost twice as high as before, landing in a tucked roll with the grace of a felid several yards further than where I¡¯d aimed. ¡°This is not so bad,¡± I remarked, before taking off in a sprint. As I zoomed down the sidewalk past the many shuttered shopfronts, I knew that I was definitely much faster than a carriage now. Chapter -9 Normann¡¯s tailor shop came into view as I zoomed down the street full of stores. The metal shutters were down and it was clear that some people had unsuccessfully tried to break in despite it. Although the glass windows were smashed to bits, it seemed its integrity was maintained for now. But I would change that shortly. I skidded to a halt, feeling my calves burning and drawing air in quick breaths. It was almost completely dark now, but the surviving lamps flickered on, lighting up the street and the many wrecked cars. ¡°I need to upgrade my Stamina next,¡± I decided. ¡°Why not your Defense?¡± asked Panda. ¡°Did you already forget how you lost your arms??¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be some damage sponge for monsters to slap around,¡± I replied. ¡°If I can move around fast enough, I won¡¯t need defense at all!¡± ¡°I wonder what happens to me when you die?¡± the plushie mused philosophically. ¡°Don¡¯t give up on me just like that!¡± I looked around the area near the tailor shop for enemies and players, but it was empty for now. There weren¡¯t any public buildings or facilities in the vicinity, which perhaps limited the kinds of monsters that roamed through here. That being said, there was a worryingly-deep furrow down the asphalted road and overturned cars which had clearly been pushed aside by something massive travelling through here. ¡°You think whatever made that will come back this way?¡± Panda asked. ¡°If it¡¯s territorial, perhaps. It looks similar to the tracks from the park outside the asylum, where Annabella¡¯s group was attacked by a bus.¡± ¡°We could probably take it, if we met a bus like that,¡± he replied confidently. ¡°What¡¯s this ¡®we¡¯ business? So far, you¡¯ve just been sitting there while I do all the fighting.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m like your manager or guiding fairy.¡± ¡°Aren¡¯t fairies supposed to be skinny and nimble?¡± ¡°¡­Too far, Gambit.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± I walked over to the shuttered storefront of Normann¡¯s, bypassing the jewelry store next door which had been looted all the way down to the display cases, leaving nothing but debris remaining within. As well as some old blood. But no bodies. ¡°I think there¡¯s something eating all the dead people,¡± I said. ¡°We definitely would¡¯ve been seeing corpses everywhere otherwise.¡± ¡°Maybe they come out at night?¡± ¡°That can¡¯t be right,¡± I said. ¡°There weren¡¯t any dead people in the park at all, and they were all attacked during the day, right after the announcement.¡± ¡°You think the bus monsters are eating all the bodies?¡± I shuddered. ¡°You¡¯re freaking me out.¡± ¡°You started this topic!¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m shutting it down. No more talk of busses!¡± I squatted down, really feeling the burn in my thighs and calves, then used my gauntleted right hand to grip the bottom of the metal shutter and pulled as I stood back up, loudly tearing an opening large enough for me to squeeze through. After pushing myself in, and Panda waddling in after me, I pulled the flap back down, just in case. The interior of the store was completely dark, thanks to no natural light getting in, but I discovered that my Punch-Glove¡¯s carapace had a faint luminescent glow, which allowed me to see my surroundings a bit. I looked through the rows of neat suits, dress pants, and shirts, until I reached a backroom, where a convenient flashlight awaited me. I picked it up, flicked the button to on¡­ and nothing happened. ¡°Didn¡¯t Annabella say that all electricity died?¡± I grumbled in annoyance, then marched back to the shutters and lifted the flap up just enough to cascade a bit of the streetlight into the store, so I could actually find what I was looking for. Though the light still didn¡¯t fully reach the back of the many rows of clothes, I was able to locate a few suits in my size, which I promptly started trying on, one-by-one. One of them tore as I miscalculated my own strength, but I managed to find two that were just my size. I kept one of the suits on, while throwing the other in my inventory. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted posted that reads ''gambit''. A sewing kit. A magnifying glass. ...I think that''s supposed to be a whistle, but AI apparently sucks at making whistles, who would''ve thought? A wet set of pajamas. A pristine black suit.
Total Inventory Weight: 20.9 Pandas
Although my total weight with the suit was now over twenty pandas, or, as I roughly estimated it: eighteen pounds, I didn¡¯t feel any heavier, although I could feel how putting on new socks, dress pants, shoes, and the suit had eliminated the effects of my BIRTHDAY_SUIT passive. While I was looking at my inventory, I tapped the Whistle to figure out if it actually did anything:
¡®Conspiracy Whistle¡¯ x
It may look like a cheap plastic whistle, and that¡¯s because it is, however, it can produce a sound so annoying it actually has magical effects. Sometimes conspiracies are spot-on, and other times they only breed more insanity. Blowing a note in this whistle reveals any shapeshifters within 10 yards, but inflicts +10% insanity to any Player within 100 yards.
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°That¡¯s a heavy whistle,¡± Panda commented. ¡°What kind of plastic do you think they used?¡± I ignored his dumb question and clicked the pop-up away, then tapped the Looking Glass:
¡®Looking Glass¡¯ x
Rewarded for participating in the clearance of two Dungeons, this Looking Glass is a useful tool for any strategic Player wanting a leg up on the competition. Just don¡¯t use it to start fires with sunlight, it will not end well. Trust me. Any Enemy, Boss, or Player viewed through this Looking Glass will have information about them revealed to you. Using this to look at certain entities will inflict +50% insanity. Use with caution.
Weight: 1.1 Pandas
¡°Oh, it¡¯s like Appraisal,¡± I said, remembering a useful skill from an old RPG I¡¯d played. ¡°Seems useful, though I wonder what the warning is about.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll try it when the sun comes back up,¡± I said. ¡°Do you enjoy ignoring warnings and breaking rules?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Yes.¡± I spasmed awake a few hours later, after having unintentionally dozed off in a corner of the tailor store, when the sound of loud scraping came from outside. It sounded like someone was dragging one of the wrecked cars out front down the street for no other reason than to make a lot of noise. Looking up above my head, I couldn¡¯t see the beacon, though I was certain that it was still visible outside in the air above Normann¡¯s shop. ¡°I¡¯m surprised no one tried to kill you while you slept,¡± Panda said. ¡°But don¡¯t worry I¡¯ve kept watch.¡± ¡°Thanks,¡± I replied, then paused. ¡°What would you have done if someone actually tried to kill me?¡± ¡°Hm¡­ I never thought that far.¡± The loud scraping continued travelling down the street outside, seeming to come nearer as its volume was steadily increasing. ¡°Would you mind checking what¡¯s making that noise?¡± I asked him. ¡°Are you crazy!? What if it eats me!¡± I sighed. ¡°You¡¯re a real help, Panda, you know that?¡± ¡°Hey don¡¯t blame the mascot!¡± ¡°Mascot?¡± ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s my Class!¡± ¡°¡­The System gave you a Class?¡± ¡°Well, no, but imagine if it did!¡± ¡°Alright, shut up, you¡¯re giving me a migraine,¡± I said and crawled on my hands and knees towards the flap in the shutter that I¡¯d forgotten to close. My whole body was incredibly sore after having slept poorly. The strain of the day¡¯s ¡®exercise¡¯ was also finally making itself known, but I ignored it. As I neared the open flap, I carefully stuck my head out through the narrow gap and looked at the street outside. An enormous glowing foglight-like eye the size of a hubcap looked directly at me from outside in the street, where an enormous monster over forty feet long, with a rectangular body carried on dozens-upon-dozens of chubby human legs, was pushing its heavy body through the asphalt. It had skin, like that of a human, but looked as though it was stitched together from the bodies of forty different people. The windows on the former bus were like vaguely-transparent sheets of taut skin, behind which writhed and clawed a boiling mass of ghastly figures that might once have been passengers, or were potentially the souls of those the bus had eaten. A mouth with blocky molars opened below the giant eyes, then a loud ear-bleeding voice announced: [NEXT STOP: YUMMY-YUMMY, A PLAYER WILL ENTER MY TUMMY!] Chapter -10 Two things went through my head as I slowly crawled backward from the giant glowing eye that shone its attention through the gap in the storefront shutters: 1 ¨C It was so much bigger and scarier than I had expected it would be. 2 ¨C Annabella had been right, it did look vaguely like Catbus from ¡®Totoro¡¯, but the nightmarish eldritch-horror remake¡­ [NEXT STOP: MY TUMMY, YUMMY-YUMMY!] ¡°Gambit, is that what I think it is?¡± Panda asked, waddling over towards me as I was crawling backward. I immediately grabbed him and ran towards the back of the store, just as the light shining through the gap disappeared. Gritting my teeth hard, I jumped as high as I could, only for the whole world to explode in sound, light, and movement, as the enormous human-skinned sentient bus rammed through the store fa?ade, crushing all the neat rows of clothes, bringing down part of the roof, and breaking the wall to the jewelry store next door. Somehow, I avoided being crushed or swallowed by the massive bus monster, and landed on its ¡®roof¡¯, which was unnervingly-hairy, like my old neighbor Mike¡¯s back. There was only a small gap between its back and the ceiling, and I slid on the spongey skin, falling down to the floor a moment later, as it barreled into the backroom, before beginning to make a slow turn to come back. ¡°Oh, god, Gambit, we¡¯ve gotta go!¡± ¡°Yeah, no shit!¡± I yelled as I sprinted out through the hole that¡¯d been a shuttered door and window seconds ago. The loud-as-hell voice rang out again from the back of the ruined tailor shop, while I bolted down the sidewalk, trying to put as much distance between myself and the monster. [NEXT STOP: DON¡¯T RUN WHEN YOU CAN TAKE THE BUS!] ¡°Don¡¯t listen to it!¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t going to!¡± I yelled, before kicking off from the ground in a leap that sent me just high enough that I could grab hold of a storefront sign and crawl up onto the roof of the building. From there I continued running down parallel to the street, while sounds from behind made it obvious the bus was in pursuit. ¡°You think it¡¯s tracking me with the goddamn beacon?¡± I asked. ¡°Could be. Hey, I have an idea, bring out the Looking Glass.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Just do it.¡± ¡°Inventory,¡± I said, maneuvering through the screen while trying not to trip on the flat roofs I was parkouring across. I selected the Looking Glass and it dropped into my hand. ¡°What now?¡± ¡°Stop for a second and look at it. Maybe it¡¯ll tell you how to escape it or something.¡± ¡°That¡¯s stupid, I¡¯m not doing that. If I slow down, it¡¯ll catch me.¡± ¡°Just be really quick!¡± I skidded to a halt, spun on the heel of my new fancy shoes, then lifted the Looking Glass up in front of my right eye and stared at the rapidly-approaching monstrosity:
Level 62 Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. ¡®Humanbus¡¯ World Boss x
¡°[YUMMY-YUMMY, ANOTHER HUMAN FOR MY TUMMY!]¡± A ¡®Humanbus¡¯ is what happens when we let the System do its own thing during the transformation of a world in preparation for the GREAT GAME. A lot of it is automated y¡¯see, because it¡¯s a lot of work to transform a whole planet. A fascinating thing about a ¡®Humanbus¡¯ is that it grows stronger the more it eats. They start out at Level 55, which should tell you everything you need to know about the one you¡¯re currently dealing with. My main advice for when dealing with a ¡®Humanbus¡¯ is: RUN. But if you do try to fight it, we¡¯ll be sure to record your death and replay it on our monitors here at the office. That¡¯s right, we have an office. We¡¯re civilized, after all.
As soon as the pop-up appeared, I tossed the Looking Glass back into my inventory and continued running down the rooftops, while Panda read the description out loud for me, and quite frankly did a terrible impression of the bus¡¯s creepy ear-splitting voice. ¡°Wait¡­ the people running this ¡®Great Game¡¯, have an office??¡± ¡°It¡¯s good to know we aren¡¯t dealing with barbarians at least,¡± Panda mused. [NEXT STOP: I CAN SMELL YOU!] ¡°You don¡¯t have a nose, you creep!¡± Panda heckled it from atop my shoulder. I clicked the pop-up away and then quickly threw all my clothes into my inventory, feeling a massive boost of energy and speed, while Panda shamefully covered his beady eyes. SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! It felt as though a fire was coming out between my cheeks as I flew four yards with every stride that I took across the rooftops, but the Humanbus wouldn¡¯t lose track of me so long as the beacon shone above my head. Plus, I didn¡¯t have infinite stamina, let alone enough for more than a minute of running, exhausted as I already was. ¡°Panda! What¡¯s the nearest public facility around here?¡± The wind whooshed past my ears to an almost deafening extent, but I somehow still heard his answer. ¡°To the left at the end of the road and then a few blocks down is a kindergarten.¡± ¡°Why do you know that??¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like what you¡¯re implying with that tone!¡± Panda shouted, as I spun forty-five degrees left on my heel, all my non-family-friendly bits swishing with the sudden change in momentum, then I zoomed towards the edge of the roof and leapt. I ended up flying across the road and even clearing the rooftops of the buildings on the other side, landing in a back-alley in a tumble that scraped my naked skin all over. ¡°Auch, auch, auch!¡± I whimpered, then ran down the alleyway, until I came out into a new smaller street, which I followed until I reached a larger road that took me in the direction Panda had indicated. In the distance, the bright headlights of the Humanbus shone over the tops of the buildings, while its loud voice kept calling out for me, though I thankfully couldn¡¯t hear it well enough to pick out words. My breathing was ragged by the time I found the kindergarten, but I had made it here in record time. With my BIRTHDAY_SUIT in full effect, I was easily the fastest person alive at the moment, though it would probably change once more Players began investing into their movement speed. When I began walking up to the front door of the surprisingly-large institution, Panda tapped me on my cheek and said, ¡°What the hell are you doing, Gambit??¡± ¡°What? I¡¯m going in here to hide from the bus, obviously.¡± ¡°Like that?¡± he asked, gesturing down my body. ¡°Oh¡­¡± Even in an apocalypse, there were still some things you just didn¡¯t do. I pulled up my inventory and clicked one of the two suits I¡¯d stashed away. As soon as I pulled it out of the screen, it popped into existence on my body, probably because I had unequipped it using the inventory before. With my propriety restored, I pushed open the glass door to the kindergarten and walked in. It struck me, right as the Dungeon announcement appeared, that I could probably use my Looking Glass to get a read on the potential challenge before just going in headfirst. WARNING! Now entering level 10 Dungeon ¡®Bungo¡¯s Playroom¡¯! Chapter -11 I stumbled into a carpeted room with colorful walls, spinning around to find that, just like with the Pool Rooms Dungeon, the entrance was nowhere to be found. What¡¯s more, I realized my perspective was off. ¡°Did I shrink?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. I think everything else is just much bigger.¡± As I looked around at my ominously-cheerful surroundings, I saw how nearby plastic chairs, old-and-worn toys, and kindergarten-like furniture were all at least twice as big as they ought to be. The room I was in, a large windowless box with three connecting hallways, was also sixteen feet to the ceiling, if not more. ¡°Is this how a child would experience the world?¡± I wondered, not really remembering my childhood well enough to recall what it¡¯d been like. ¡°Forget children, this is how I see the world!¡± Panda said. ¡°Speaking of plushies, look,¡± I said, pointing to a human-sized teddy bear slumped against a rainbow-colored dresser, ¡°It¡¯s one of your kind!¡± ¡°First off, I don¡¯t think that¡¯s part of the scenery, and secondly, how dare you. It¡¯s like comparing humans to apes. I¡¯m way more civilized and evolved, thank you!¡± I pulled out the Looking Glass and held it up to my right eye as I looked across the room to the teddy bear that was as tall as me.
Level 6 ¡®Playroom Bear¡¯ Enemy x
¡°I¡¯ll hug ¡®till you pop.¡± With the size of a human, these teddy bears can seem quite imposing, but all they really want is a hug. Just like constrictor snakes, Playroom Bears have evolved the ability to incapacitate their prey by wrapping their limbs around them and squeezing until the lungs go *pop*! And like snakes, they devour their food whole. Their tummies grow to accommodate the size of their meal, and they are able to fit at least three people in there at once! How impressive, wouldn¡¯t you say? So, what are you waiting for? Go give it a hug!
When I tapped the pop-up away, the teddy bear began lumbering upright sluggishly, and I cast my eyes around the room for any other threats, before marching towards it. As soon as it was standing on its two feet, its mouth opened wide, the sound of tearing fabric filling the air. Then it lifted its arms and began running at me. ¡°That¡¯s so much scarier than I thought it would be, based on the description,¡± Panda commented, as I quickly dodged out of the way of the bear, before it could grab me. Failing to catch me, the bear stumbled a few steps, before languidly turning to face me and charging again. Instead of attempting to dodge a second time, I ran to meet it, side-stepping at the last second and torpedoing my fist into its stomach. My gauntleted knuckles hit with enough force to leave an exit wound on its back, through which red fluff exploded out of, raining down to the floor slowly, as the Playroom Bear fell face-first onto the floor. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure it was dead, so I pulled my fist back and rammed it down on the back of its head. On impact, the bear¡¯s overlarge head produced a violent crunch and flattened, though the fabric of its head was containing whatever inner mass had been crushed, like a burst watermelon trapped in a plastic bag. ¡°That was unnecessarily-gruesome,¡± Panda said. ¡°At least I know it¡¯s dead.¡± As I looked down at the teddy bear and its deflated head, I wondered about something. ¡°Do you think there¡¯s a way to see my Level Progress like what it shows when I level up?¡± As the words left my mouth, it triggered a pop-up window to appear with the exact information I was looking for:
You are currently Level -4 Unspent Attribute Points: 1 Points already invested: 3
Kills required for Level -5 6/15
¡°Huh. It seems like maybe there could be more ways to query the System for information like this,¡± Panda speculated. I thought about it, then said a string of words in a row, testing his theory: ¡°Map! World Map! Dungeon Map! Kill Count! Ability Overview! Teleport! Exit Dungeon! Friendlist!?¡± None of them worked. ¡°Try ¡®Unalive¡¯.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not gonna try that. Knowing them, they¡¯d actually put that in.¡± ¡°Ah, probably right. What about ¡®Unequip All¡¯?¡± ¡°¡­Why?¡± ¡°Just try it!¡± I sighed. ¡°Unequip All.¡± My suit, underwear, socks, and shoes, as well as the Looking Glass I¡¯d hastily put in my pocket; all of it vanished into my inventory in the blink of an eye. For some reason, my Punch-Glove stayed on, perhaps because it didn¡¯t count as clothing. SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°¡­Why did that work¡­?¡± ¡°Gambit! You pervert! Put your clothes back on!¡± I gritted my teeth in annoyance and navigated through my inventory screen to re-equip my suit and everything else. Two achievements followed in quick succession:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Amoral Pervert¡¯ Went fully nude in a school zone.
It may be the literal apocalypse of your world, with all minors of ¡®Dirt¡¯ transported to our Children¡¯s Zone until they mature, but we¡¯d like you to know that we here at the GREAT GAME headquarters adhere to a moral code, which you have grossly violated! From now on, every time you move to a new area, you must inform your neighbors of your criminal history or face the wrath of our Child Protective Services! They¡¯ve got dogs. The scary kind.
Reward: You¡¯re on the registry
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Brute-Forcing¡¯ Brute-forced a System Command.
You brute-forced a System Command, becoming the first Player to utilize ¡®Unequip All¡¯, which, let¡¯s face it, is a nonsensical command that the System refuses to let us throw out. But as with anything nonsensical in the GREAT GAME, it¡¯s all just part of the madness. As a reward, here are two more commands:
Rewards: Inspect & Color-Blind Mode
¡°I¡¯d never have guessed those,¡± Panda said, after reading the pop-ups. ¡°Also, you¡¯re on the Pervert Registry.¡± ¡°Why would they put in a Color-Blind Mode!?¡± ¡°If it¡¯s a game-centric apocalypse, doesn¡¯t it make things fairer?¡± Activating Color-Blind Mode! ¡°Woah, that¡¯s weird,¡± said the plushie. ¡°¡­It¡¯s an actual Color-Blind Mode,¡± I remarked, impressed. All the colors had shifted, with reds and yellows becoming brownish, blues and purples becoming just gradients of blue, along with the general brightness of all colors softening to something mellower. Deactivating Color-Blind Mode! ¡°Really makes you reconsider how evil the people running this thing are, doesn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°No. What the hell are you talking about??¡± Panda continued, ignoring my words. ¡°I wonder if they also helped people with disabilities be able to join the Great Game. Or terminally ill patients.¡± ¡°Anyone in a hospital is probably a monster now.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ right.¡± ¡°Status,¡± I said, then tried to apply my available point to Perception, but received an error: ERROR! Unable to invest point in chosen attribute! Please pick another. I sighed and clicked on Vitality instead.
Level -4 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---The red stuff in this bar is liquid love. Or maybe it''s blood. We here at the tooltip department don''t actually know what''s in it...---
STATS
Health: Not, Not ¡®Good¡¯ Stamina: ¤Á¤ç¤Ã¤È Armor: Plastic Bottle Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Carriage Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Platypus Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Tomahawk
Athleticism: ÀõÊó Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Plastic Bottle
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯
¡°They¡¯re really railroading me here,¡± I commented. ¡°Your Vitality now says ¡®Tomahawk¡¯? Isn¡¯t that a weapon?¡± ¡°There¡¯s such a thing as a tomahawk steak, y¡¯know.¡± ¡°Is it good?¡± he asked. It was clear he was hungry, which brought a lot of uncomfortable questions to mind. ¡°Yeah, if done right. Though any terrible cook can mess up prime meat.¡± ¡°Speaking of food, do you smell that?¡± I asked, sniffing the air. ¡°Is that the smell of a family-sized pepperoni-and-pineapple pizza!?¡± ¡°You can tell the size of it from the smell?¡± ¡°Stop talking and find that pizza!¡± I followed my nose, as I moved through a spacious hallway that led from my starting room, before arriving in a vast hall with a ball pit, tube slide, swings, seesaws, and many other things you might find at a fast-food chain¡¯s playground. The floor was no longer a carpet, but instead a spongey asphalt-like material, which would definitely scrape the skin off your knees if you slipped on it. Near to the doorway I entered through was a table too tall for me to reach, as the theme of everything being humongous was still in effect even here. I climbed up onto a plastic chair next to it, which was rather undignifying, and then from there reached up onto the enormous table, where a massive pepperoni-and-pineapple pizza was lain across the malleable plastic cover that draped over the table. Panda immediately leapt off my shoulder and started running across the table. ¡°Don¡¯t eat it!¡± I yelled. ¡°You¡¯ll get dirty and I¡¯ll have to wash you!¡± Panda skidded to a halt on his stumpy jointless legs. ¡°What about poison?¡± ¡°That too, I guess,¡± I added as I caught up to him. The plushie waddled forward with some apprehension all of a sudden, and I followed close behind him. I was starving too, after all. When I reached the edge of the normal-table-sized pizza, I pointed my hand at it and tried the new command I¡¯d learned, ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Playroom Pizza¡¯ x
If you don¡¯t mind the taste of the plastic cover that has seeped into the crust of this enormous pizza, then you¡¯ll probably be fine eating it. Just be warned: if Bungo notices that rats have been in the food for the children he is meant to entertain, he¡¯ll go berserk.
With a mouthful of pineapple, I asked, ¡°Who¡¯s Bungo?¡± No sooner had the words left my mouth than the sound of squeaky clown shoes came down the hallway I¡¯d entered from. Chapter -12 As the sound of squeaking steps echoed loudly down the hallway close to the table, which I was standing atop of with a pizza-slice-sized piece of pineapple in my hands, a man¡¯s voice yelled from the ball pit twenty yards away further into the room, ¡°You¡¯ve got to hide!¡± I didn¡¯t need to be told twice, as I scooped up Panda in my arms, as well as a wheel-sized pepperoni piece, and leapt off the sticky plastic table. While sailing through the air, the squeaking steps grew louder and were accompanied by slobbering breathing, as though the person making the sound was drooling profusely. Running across the playground-asphalt, I was glad to be wearing shoes, since I knew it would¡¯ve cut up my feet otherwise. Panda was, somehow, biting small pieces off the large pepperoni piece I¡¯d scored. When I spotted the barely-visible face of the person who¡¯d yelled, whatever-was-coming emerged out from the hallway and I leapt head-first into the ball pit. My face immediately kissed a football-sized hollow plastic ball, before I sunk down the pit and hit the bottom, where small hills formed from congregated dust bunnies, rock-sized pebbles, and band-aids the length of blankets were all gathered. ¡°Yuck,¡± Panda said, the sight clearly stealing his appetite. I bit into the pepperoni, and said, ¡°Hardly the worst I¡¯ve seen.¡± ¡°Shhh!¡± whisper-yelled an emaciated-looking man from nearby, though he was hidden by the large plastic balls that separated us. Though it wasn¡¯t easy with the balls constantly slipping away under my shoes, I managed to climb up to the top of the pit and peek out at the thing that had my new acquaintance so spooked. I couldn¡¯t help but swallow hard when I saw the twelve-feet-tall morbidly-obese clown with a full kit of unsettling makeup; cheaply-made costume with purple, light-blue, and red; a grin that seemed to reach all the way back to his ears, with teeth like hypodermic needles, and a long glistening stream of red drool; as well as open sores covering his purple-gray skin wherever makeup hadn¡¯t been properly applied or the hem of his outfit didn¡¯t cover. In short: it was a monstrosity of a clown. As silently as I could manage, I pulled my Looking Glass out and peered at the giant through it.
Level ?? ¡®Bungo the Clown¡¯ Boss x
¡°BUNGO LOVE CHILDREN!¡± Bungo the Clown absolutely loves children, which is a shame for him, because we removed them from your world. Now this big sad clown wanders the halls of his many Playrooms, making sure the toys, food, and playing facilities are protected from rats. In case you were wondering, you are a rat. At least in Bungo¡¯s eyes. Also, let me give you a hint: it¡¯d be a bad idea to fight Bungo head-on, as he is functionally immortal. Just like how the cast of our beautiful Dungeons are manifold, so too are the requirements for beating them. Have fun figuring out how to get out of his Playroom.
¡°We¡¯re screwed,¡± Panda whispered. ¡°You only know how to punch things!¡± ¡°Are you calling me stupid?¡± ¡°Shhh!¡± said the guy again. ¡°You know what? Fuck this. Fuck their rules. I¡¯m killing this ugly-ass clown!¡± I began crawling out of the pit, disturbing dozens of the plastic balls, the sound of which immediately drew the giant Clown¡¯s attention away from the table, where he¡¯d been staring at the pizza which Panda and I had helped ourselves to. ¡°You psycho! You¡¯ll get us all killed!¡± ¡°A RAT!¡± came a blaringly-loud dumb-sounding voice from the giant, before the ground started quaking as it began lumbering towards the ball pit with squeaking steps. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I squared my shoulders as I marched forward to meet the towering monstrosity that, quite frankly, scared the shit out of me. ¡°Gambit, if you wanted to unalive yourself, you should¡¯ve just let the Humanbus catch you.¡± ¡°Be quiet, Panda, I need to focus.¡± SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! When only eight yards separated us, I broke into a sprint. ¡°Unequip All!¡± I shouted, violating the moral ethics of the Great Game for the second time in the last hour. SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! Energy blossomed to life in my legs and I leapt from the awful plastic asphalt and flew high enough into the air that I was face-to-fist with the monstrous clown. Time seemed to slow, as the clown¡¯s large bug-eyed stare struggled to track me, and I pulled my right fist back, preparing for a rain of punches. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ¡°Do you really have to enunciate the parentheses every time?¡± Panda commented, just before the attack went out. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch does not equal kill) { punch.harder ( ) ; } My Punch-Glove shot forward as though it¡¯d been fired from a cannon and hit with enough force to¡­ well, it actually didn¡¯t do anything. REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! if ( punch does not equal kill) { punch.harder ( ) ; } My fist shot forward again, the tripling effect of the Punch-Glove already letting itself be known, as the resultant impact produced a sound like a thunderclap. But it wasn¡¯t enough, so my fist pulled back, and, in the same moment, my passive triggered. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! Math.multiply ( punch ) This time, the punch sent a jolt of electricity back up my arm when it connected, and produced a shockwave that lifted all the dust from the floor and pushed it away in a ring around us. But even this wasn¡¯t enough, so my ability reactivated again. But this was what I¡¯d been counting on. I had three separate effects multiplying the damage of each other, and, though I wasn¡¯t any mathematician, I had played enough poorly-thought-out games to know that such multiplication was how you utterly trivialized the challenge of a game. And if I was understanding the logic behind the Math.multiply(Punch) ability correctly, it took the first two punches and multiplied them with each other, and, depending on when the tripling effects of the Punch-Glove entered the equation, the result was that every third punch was insanely-powerful. What I didn¡¯t know, however, was whether my Punch.harder( ) ability would then take that third punch and double it, in which case, my sixth punch would perhaps blow a hole through the side of the Dungeon boundary¡­ When the reactivation happened a fourth time, the punch was even stronger than the third, and a fifth quickly followed behind it, with the first bit of damage becoming visible on the ugly clown¡¯s face. Then came the sixth punch with another activation of the multiply passive and the resultant shockwave sent everything, me included, flying away from the impact site, where a crater had formed in the floor and parts of the ceiling had fallen down. Even as I tumbled head-over-heels across the playroom floor, scraping my skin off in bits-and-pieces with every new rotation, I knew I had slain the giant clown, because of the way Punch.harder( ) worked. The first time I¡¯d used it against the Psychiatrist, I¡¯d performed nearly twenty punches in what in real-time accounted to less than two seconds, and it seemed like the ability lasted until either I perished or my target did. I slammed into a seesaw with enough force to dislocate my shoulder, before violently spinning into the air, cracking my head against the ceiling, then falling back down onto a metal slide that was as hot as a stove for some reason. As my skin began to sizzle, I immediately rolled off the slide and collapsed on my back next to it. ¡°I did it, Panda!¡± I exclaimed, the adrenaline high and self-satisfaction of pulling off something the System had told me was impossible making me delirious. ¡°Erm¡­ Gambit?¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, unable to wipe the smile off my face. ¡°Your arm is¡­ how do I put it¡­¡± I lifted my right arm into the air above me. Except. There was no arm. There was barely a stump left. Everything from my elbow joint to my hand was just gone. The tremendous impact had utterly atomized my limb, while also cauterizing the stump in the same go. ¡°Thank god they have the Full Recovery reward for beating a Dungeon,¡± I said. ¡°Well. About that. I don¡¯t think you beat the Dungeon.¡± As if to clarify this, an achievement popped up.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Soft-Lock¡¯ Now look what you did...
The GREAT GAME has been rigorously tested on countless worlds like yours, and we ironed out all the serious bugs many cycles ago, so this really isn¡¯t meant to be possible¡­ You were supposed to follow after Bungo and sneak into his workshop once he unlocked the door, but, eh, now that he¡¯s dead, there¡¯s no way you¡¯ll be able to do that anymore¡­ In short. You¡¯re stuck with no way to clear the Dungeon. I¡¯m sure everyone else stuck in here with you are pretty happy about this new development, especially that one guy in the ball pit who had figured out how to clear it.
Reward: I hope you¡¯re proud of yourself¡­
¡°Well¡­ shit.¡± Chapter -13 I repeatedly slammed my right shoulder into the seesaw to put it back into its socket, letting out a pained string of expletives when it finally happened. Afterwards I awkwardly reequipped my suit, sleeveless shirt, socks, underwear, and shoes through the Inventory screen with my left hand, feeling pretty stupid about the reckless behavior that¡¯d cost me an arm. To really ram it home, an achievement popped up:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®One-Armed Bandit¡¯ Lost your dominant arm.
Hah.
Reward: ¡®Left-Handed Scissors¡¯
A pair of violet-colored children¡¯s paper scissors appeared in the air and landed in the palm of my hand, but I immediately threw them away with an annoyed grunt. ¡°I hate this dumbass System!¡± ¡°Careful Gambit, that guy is coming over here.¡± I turned to look towards the ball pit, which I¡¯d flown past following my killing strike, and saw that a man was storming towards me. He looked to be in his forties and had a receding hairline of brown hair. He wore a bloodied blue-and-yellow Hawaii shirt and khaki shorts, and there were a few ugly sewing patterns on his exposed legs and arms. ¡°Hey pal! What the devil d¡¯ya just do!?¡± ¡°I killed the boss¡­¡± ¡°And how did that pan out for ya? Huh!?¡± ¡°He seems angry,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Yeah, no shit.¡± ¡°What¡¯d¡¯ya just say to me!?¡± ¡°Relax, alright.¡± ¡°Relax!? You¡¯re telling me to fudging relax when I¡¯ve been trapped in this godforsaken s-hole of a place!? I finally found out how we were meant to escape, but then you went and screwed it all up!!¡± ¡°It¡¯s somehow more intimidating when he¡¯s trying not to swear,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°You must be the one the achievement mentioned,¡± I realized. ¡°Oh, I got one too! Lemme tell ya what it says! It¡¯s titled ¡®Stolen Glory¡¯ and reads as follows: You were on the right path to getting everyone out of here. You would¡¯ve been the Hero of Castleburg! But the crazy and evil Gambit, who just broke out of the Asylum, has come to sow chaos and ruined your masterfully-laid plan!¡± ¡°Is the System seriously trying to pit us Players against each other¡­?¡± I groaned, looking to Panda. ¡°You¡¯d better look at me when I¡¯m talking to you!¡± said the angry man and suddenly punched me in the mouth. Even though there was a clear Strength difference between us, it still wasn¡¯t pleasant. ¡°Ow. Don¡¯t do that.¡± ¡°Or what, guy? You think you¡¯re tough because you can kill a big clown!?¡± ¡°Gambit, you shouldn¡¯t hit him, you¡¯ll vaporize his body.¡± I looked the angry Hawaiian Shirt guy in his eyes and said, with as much sincerity as I could, ¡°I¡¯ll find a way to get us out of here.¡± ¡°Oh, you wanna play the Hero, huh, buddy!?¡± ¡°Listen here, I¡¯m neither your Pal, Guy, or Buddy. If you don¡¯t back the fuck up, I will reduce you to a crumbled sack of bone flour.¡± ¡°¡­Was that an attempt to threaten him?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Because it wasn¡¯t very scary.¡± I was about to answer him when suddenly a pain blossomed to life in my stomach. I looked down and saw that Hawaiian Shirt had stabbed me with a screwdriver in my abdomen. ¡°You fucking asked for this,¡± I told him, gritting my teeth as I pulled my arm back and sent a punch right into the side of his jaw. Except¡­ I had attempted to do it with my non-existent right arm. Hawaiian Shirt looked at me, then laughed mockingly. I pulled my head back, then slammed it into his, our foreheads meeting in a loud smack that immediately knocked the guy out cold and scrambled my thoughts. ¡°You might¡¯ve killed him,¡± Panda muttered, assessing the unconscious guy from my shoulder. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡°Wasn¡¯t as pleasant as when I used my forehead against the Newt,¡± I commented. ¡°He¡¯ll probably just get a concussion, which the System will fix when I find a way out.¡± ¡°I feel like relying on the mercy of the System is exactly what got you in this bind you¡¯re in now. Please show some restraint, Gambit.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t even put my strength into it. He must¡¯ve been really weak,¡± I said. I reached down and pulled the screwdriver out of my abdomen, releasing a grunt of pain as it left my body, before opening my inventory and bringing out the Sewing Kit. The Screwdriver disappeared into my storage and was replaced with the box. There was just one problem now, or, well, two: I was right-handed; and I didn¡¯t know how to sew. ¡°Panda, would you mind sewing me up?¡± ¡°Can¡¯t, no opposable thumbs.¡± I sighed. ¡°Guess I¡¯d better hurry up and find out how to leave then.¡± ¡°You could ask that girl over there,¡± he said and pointed towards a young woman who had crawled out of a series of tubes she¡¯d been hiding in. It was kind of like one of those contraptions that children would enter and get lost in at the playground of a fast-food restaurant. The young woman had a round face, black shoulder-length hair, and her figure was hidden beneath an XL dark-grey hoodie with the print of a neon-yellow smiley on the front. She looked around worried, before noticing me and the unconscious body I stood next to. As our eyes met, she froze in place. ¡°Hey you!¡± I called to her. She did the are-you-talking-to-me gesture and I waved her over with my stumped arm, which only seemed to worsen her expression into one of abject terror. I began walking towards her, before yelling across the room, ¡°Do you know how to sew??¡± As my words were slowly absorbed into her mind, she seemed to visibly ease-up, then began carefully approaching me. We met by a unicorn-shaped rocking chair on a spring. ¡°Do you want me to sew your wound?¡± she asked. Her voice was very timid, but her large eyes seemed kind of crazed. Probably she had seen some horrific things. ¡°Did you kill the clown?¡± she continued. ¡°I did. I thought that was how I¡¯d clear the Dungeon.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not so bad in here,¡± she commented. ¡°I like the pineapple pizza and all the water fountains have various sodas in them. I found one in a different room that had Mt. Dew.¡± ¡°Do you know where the Clown¡¯s Workshop is?¡± ¡°I¡¯d like to hear about this fountain,¡± Panda commented. ¡°I can show you,¡± she replied, then looked at the box in my hand. ¡°What happens if you manage to get the Workshop open? Are we all going to be thrown out from here? I heard that¡¯s what happened to someone else and his group when they completed the Library maze.¡± ¡°Sounds like she doesn¡¯t want to leave,¡± Panda commented. The girl nodded. ¡°It¡¯s scary outside, I¡¯d rather stay here.¡± I blinked, realization taking a second to kick in. ¡°Can you see this guy?¡± I asked, indicating Panda who was seated on my shoulder. She nodded. ¡°Am I not supposed to? He¡¯s very cute, although I never imagined he¡¯d have a voice like that.¡± ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± I asked her. ¡°Bee, like the¡­ well, like a bee.¡± ¡°Like the bug that stings you and dies?¡± ¡°They don¡¯t necessarily die from stinging you, at least not all types of bees." ¡°Blowing my mind here, Bee,¡± Panda commented. I was pretty sure he was just flattering her because he knew she could see and hear him. I sat down on the unicorn rocking chair and started undoing the bottom-most buttons of my suit jacket, before repeating the steps with my sleeveless shirt. I showed her my abdomen and handed her the Sewing Kit box. ¡°I already have one,¡± she said, declining it. ¡°Just take it, I can¡¯t sew anyway.¡± ¡°What if you get hurt again?¡± she asked. ¡°I¡¯ll figure something out.¡± ¡°Bee, listen to this. This is his second time losing his right arm. He¡¯s operating on luck and nothing else at this point. I¡¯d offer to sew him up, but, as you can tell, I have no thumbs.¡± The girl nodded, ¡°You do need thumbs for this.¡± She opened the Sewing Kit and pulled out a needle which she fitted with a thread, then began carefully sewing tightly around my stab wound. ¡°I need to ask an uncomfortable question, Bee.¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± she asked, her hands freezing in place. ¡°In your Status menu, what does the red bar at the top look like?¡± As the words left my mouth, the screen appeared, but I clicked it away immediately. ¡°Status?¡± she asked, then pulled her head back in surprise. ¡°What¡¯s this?? I can¡¯t make it go away!¡± ¡°There¡¯s a little X in the corner,¡± Panda told her. She reached out and pressed the air, before repeating the command, ¡°Status.¡± ¡°The bar at the top is three-quarters full. It looks almost like it¡¯s a horizontal tube of blood.¡± Three-quarters¡­ so she¡¯s borderline insane and that¡¯s why she can see Panda. I doubt she is immune to the 100% insanity transformation like me. ¡°I just got an Achievement,¡± she said, surprised. ¡°What does it say?¡± I asked. ¡°You can¡¯t see it?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°It¡¯s called ¡®Oh God the Voices, Make Them Stop!¡¯ and says that I¡¯m three-quarters towards insanity. It gave me a reward called ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯.¡± ¡°That must be why you can see and hear Panda,¡± I remarked. ¡°Other people can¡¯t?¡± ¡°No. To their eyes he isn¡¯t even there.¡± ¡°Do you have it too? The Inanimate Voices?¡± I nodded. ¡°I¡¯m maxed out on my Insanity Gauge.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that supposed to turn you into a monster?¡± ¡°Apparently, I¡¯m glitched. Even my Class is called ¡®System Glitch¡¯.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t get a Class, I think,¡± Bee replied. ¡°It doesn¡¯t say anything in the top-right corner of your Status screen?¡± ¡°It says ¡®N/A¡¯.¡± ¡°What does the rest of your screen look like?¡± ¡°Some words and numbers? I have three in all my Attributes except Dexterity, which is four, and Intelligence and Wisdom which are both six.¡± ¡°That seems pretty good,¡± I guessed, having no idea how my Attributes actually translated into quantifiable numbers. ¡°What level are you?¡± ¡°Zero,¡± she replied. ¡°Let¡¯s see if we can¡¯t get you some levels then, it¡¯ll help you survive.¡± She finished sewing me up and the moment she snipped the thread with a scissor from the Kit, the wound healed itself closed, which was an uncomfortable feeling, but not as bad as when Annabella had done it. ¡°Thanks for that, now come on,¡± I said, standing up and giving her my left hand. Bee took it cautiously and then¡ª
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Good Samaritan or Sketchy Lecher?¡¯ Found a Wayward Minor.
Almost as rare as Glitched Players are Wayward Minors. As a matter of course, all Minors of any world participating in the GREAT GAME are moved to our Children¡¯s Zone, where they can peacefully wait out their time until they mature into adults. However, the System isn¡¯t perfect, so sometimes a Minor slips through the cracks and is left behind. Whether you are a Good Samaritan who wish to help this lost child to safety or an Amoral Pervert, it would be in your best interest to contact Child Protective Services. They will find every Wayward Minor sooner-or-later, and those found to be preventing them from reaching the safety of our Children¡¯s Zone will be crucified on live broadcast during our Game Events. If you go the route of the Good Samaritan, you will be rewarded.
Reward: ¡®Child Protective Services Flare¡¯
Chapter -14 I scanned the Achievement that¡¯d just popped a couple times to comprehend it fully, then glanced down my hand still holding Bee¡¯s, before looking to her face and asking, ¡°Are you a kid?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sixteen,¡± she replied. I frowned. ¡°I just got an Achievement that basically said I should contact Child Protective Services or face public crucifixion.¡± ¡°They¡¯ve been hunting me,¡± she said. ¡°They¡¯re really scary. And they have dogs. Or well, I think they¡¯re supposed to be dogs. They¡¯re like aphid hybrids, but forty feet tall, and their handlers are these ant-looking guys with baseball caps.¡± ¡°I wonder if there¡¯s a theme going on,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I have been hunted by Agents of the Great Game. They¡¯re Eupatorus gracilicornis beetles.¡± ¡°You know the Latin name for the ¡®Five-Horned Rhinoceros Beetle¡¯??¡± ¡°That¡¯s literally the only Latin name for anything he knows,¡± Panda quickly answered. ¡°Are you trying to embarrass me to impress her?¡± I asked him, annoyed. ¡°Gambit¡­ I¡¯m not into kids, I¡¯m just stating facts.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a kid,¡± Bee answered. ¡°Anyone under eighteen is a kid in my eyes.¡± ¡°Why do you have a stance on this?¡± I asked, suspicious of his motives. ¡°I don¡¯t think I like what you¡¯re implying, Gambit.¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t we get out of here?¡± asked the girl. ¡°Hawaiian Shirt Guy is waking up.¡± I glanced over to the man, who was groaning loudly as he regained consciousness. Releasing my grip on her hand, I started jogging towards a hallway that lay behind the play tubes, hot metal slide, and a swing. Bee followed closely behind me as we went down the large corridor. No sooner had we rounded a corner than I heard Hawaiian Shirt Guy yell up a storm in the large room we¡¯d just left. After taking another corner of the linear hallway, we came out into a rectangular room with another hallway at the end of it, and a large metal-braced wooden door in the center of the left wall. It clearly did not fit in and it wouldn¡¯t take a genius to know that this was the door to the Workshop that Bungo was supposed to open. Besides the door, there were large tables with more enormous wheels of pizza, as well as five big balloon animals. No sooner had we entered than all five of them started floating towards us. ¡°Stay behind me,¡± I told Bee. ¡°Careful! They¡¯ll try to wrap around you and suck the air out of your body.¡± ¡°That¡¯s actually pretty terrifying,¡± Panda said, then leapt from my shoulder and down onto Bee¡¯s head. ¡°Good luck, Gambit!¡± ¡°Inventory,¡± I said, then pulled the screwdriver out. Armed with a type of weapon I was familiar with, I charged forward and stabbed the flat tip into the closest balloon animal, which, if I had to guess, was supposed to be a poodle. My weapon went straight through it, popping every inflated segment of its body and sending the airless rubbery husk to the floor. A balloon sword with a coiled blade surged right for me and slapped into my right shoulder. My body was flung right into a wall from the ridiculous strength of the seemingly-gentle impact and I heard a concerning crack from my left side. Fortunately, it only hurt a lot. ¡°Ow! Bastard!¡± I jumped straight back at the balloon sword, dodging a slash from its rounded blade, before performing a slash of my own, which popped the coiled sword, but didn¡¯t get the handle. The deflated monster started falling to the floor, while the other three moved in, and I quickly stomped on it to burst the last surviving segments. Another balloon poodle lashed out at me, but I dealt with it in a single jab, before side-stepping a trunk-slam from an ¡®elephant¡¯ and kicking away a ¡®monkey¡¯ that tried to grab my leg. I lunged forward and popped the head of the balloon elephant, then stabbed it two more times with the screwdriver to kill it, before stomping on the head of the monkey with a satisfying pop and finishing it with another. I exhaled slowly. ¡°It¡¯s a lot harder to stab with my left hand.¡± Bee wandered over, looking at the deflated balloons. ¡°I¡¯ve seen those creatures suck all the air out of three different people¡­ You made killing them look easy.¡± ¡°Well, I did break a rib I think, but it wasn¡¯t so bad.¡± ¡°What would you¡¯ve done if you didn¡¯t have the screwdriver?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I¡¯d have used my teeth.¡± ¡°That¡¯s gnarly.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I could fight one of those on my own,¡± Bee commented. ¡°To be fair, this Dungeon is Level 10.¡± ¡°Is your level higher than that then? That explains why you make it look easy.¡± ¡°¡­Eh, well.¡± ¡°His level is minus 4,¡± Panda explained. ¡°Did you just say ¡®minus¡¯?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s not dwell on it and instead I¡¯ll find you an enemy you can kill.¡± ¡°What about the door?¡± the plushie asked. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. I pulled out my Looking Glass and stared at it, but nothing happened, so I instead walked over to it and said, ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Workshop Door¡¯ x
This inconspicuous door leads to Bungo¡¯s Workshop, where he makes all the toys for the children that visit his Playrooms. You¡¯re not allowed to enter.
Bee walked up next to me and repeated the phrase, ¡°Inspect.¡± She tapped the air to make the pop-up go away, then said, ¡°I don¡¯t see a keyhole anywhere.¡± I closed the pop-up as well, then walked forward and put my left shoulder against one of the segments of the double door, before pushing with all my strength. Although there came a creak from the wood, it didn¡¯t budge an inch. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll have to punch it down.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a terrible idea,¡± Panda said. ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work, you¡¯re back to being Mister No-Arms, but this time for good.¡± ¡°Is that how you lost your right arm?¡± the girl asked. ¡°Yep. But I killed the Clown at least, so it wasn¡¯t a bad trade.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t forget that killing the Clown soft-locked the Dungeon.¡± ¡°¡­Zip it, Panda.¡± ¡°I am without zippers,¡± he replied. ¡°Then ¡®stitch¡¯ it.¡± I looked around the room, but there were no other killer toys, so I began making my way towards the hallway in the back, hopping up to grab a huge piece of pepperoni, which was stuck to an enormous slice of pizza that drooped off one of the large tables. ¡°Come on,¡± I said, and was about to put my Looking Glass away, when I stopped and swung it around to peer at my companion. Just in case. Before it locked on her, however, it targeted one of the deflated balloon animals:
Level 5 ¡®Balloon Creation¡¯ Enemy x
¡°*Unsettling breathing noises*¡± Bungo is a very talented balloon artist and he can make anything that children ask of him. Given that these balloons are filled with oxygen harvested from ¡®Rats¡¯, they have peculiar tastes. These tastes include shoving their bodies down your throat and sucking all the air from your body. Yes, that means even your organs and bloodstream, as well as your lungs. It¡¯s not a fun way to go. This Enemy is dead.
Level 0 ¡®Bee¡¯ Player? x
¡°Hey I¡¯m Bee.¡± Class: N/A Main Attribute(s): Intelligence & Wisdom This Player is looking at you right now and thinking, ¡°Why is he staring at me through a magnifying glass?¡± She seems cautiously-friendly towards you. This is a Wayward Minor, please locate your nearest Child Protective Services member and alert them!
¡°Why are you staring at me through a magnifying glass?¡± ¡°It¡¯s an item I was rewarded after clearing two Dungeons.¡± ¡°What does it do?¡± she asked. I handed it to her. ¡°Look at me through it.¡± She lifted it up to her right eye, which, from my perspective, enlarged its dark-green iris as well as some small dark freckles around her nose. With her pale skin, green eyes, and freckles, I almost thought she could be a ginger, if not for the black hair. Then I realized that her hair was dyed black, because the roots were a lighter color. I was about to ask her about it, when she said, ¡°Why does it say ¡®Look at me, I¡¯m on the News!¡¯ as your phrase?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s probably better you don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°It also calls you a Cheater and an Amoral Pervert?¡± she said, becoming visibly confused. ¡°Alright, I think that¡¯s enough of that,¡± I said, but before I could take it out of her hands, she looked at Panda who was back on my shoulder and froze. I saw how the color drained from her already-pale face as she read whatever had appeared, then suddenly the lens of the Looking Glass exploded in her hands and she began screaming. Bee collapsed to the ground and started writhing, while I was frozen in decision paralysis, not knowing whether to hold her still or back away. ¡°Panda! What do I do!?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, you big stupid idiot! Help her!!¡± ¡°Oh god, oh god,¡± I muttered as I knelt down and tried to stop her from twisting and spasming. Something like a shockwave punched me off my feet and sent me halfway down the hallway we¡¯d been heading towards, where I landed painfully on my tailbone and skidded for a few feet, fraying the ass of my neat dress pants. I immediately got back up and ran over to Bee, who was letting off a ton of steam and glowing faintly. With a groan, she pushed herself to her knees, while something like ashy particles were floating off of her body. ¡°¡­Are you okay?¡± I asked. As the smokescreen cleared away, I saw how her body had changed and transformed into something not-quite-human. Two-feet-long light-green beetle antennae were sprouting from her forehead and folded back, almost looking like horns. Her skin-color was likewise green, and the area below her neck, where the clavicle bones should be visible, was covered in chitinous plate-like armour, which also covered her forearms and hands. Her black-dyed hair was the same as before, and, despite the new skin-color, her freckles were still visible, but her eyes were now a mix of two colors: red & green. The most prominent addition to her body however, was a large set of carapace plates on her back, which were green as well, and seemed to hide a pair of wings. I picked up the Looking Glass, with its fragmented lens, and looked at her through the ruined glass:
Level 0 ¡®Bee¡¯ Enemy? x
¡°????????????¡± Class: Beetle Girl Main Attribute(s): Intelligence & Wisdom This Player has succumbed to Insanity and been transformed into an Enemy. ¡­Actually, that¡¯s not supposed to be possible. The System isn¡¯t meant to be able to transform Wayward Minors! They¡¯re not even supposed to have an Insanity Gauge! She seems ???????????? towards you. This is a Wayward Minor, please locate your nearest Child Protective Services member and alert them!
Bee pushed herself to her feet and stumbled towards me. I took a step back. Surprised by my reaction, she looked down at herself and her hands. ¡°I¡¯ve become a monster,¡± she said. Chapter -15 ¡°Bee? Are you okay?¡± I asked cautiously. From what the Looking Glass appraisal had shown me, she had gained a Class called ¡®Beetle Girl¡¯, but the System didn¡¯t seem to know if she was an Enemy or not. ¡°My body hurts a lot,¡± she complained. ¡°And all my joints are very stiff.¡± ¡°Well, they are covered in chitin,¡± Panda said. ¡°Panda, shut up.¡± Bee looked terrified at what she had become, but that exact mannerism was what made her still seem human, despite the obvious changes. ¡°I unlocked some Achievements: ¡®Insane in the Membrane¡¯; ¡®Bugkin¡¯, which praised my appearance and called my carapace beautiful¡­; and ¡®Classy¡¯, which gave me three skills.¡± ¡°What are they?¡± ¡°¡®Beetle Breeze¡¯, which sounds like gliding that apparently uses my¡­ wings. ¡®Beetle Brawn¡¯, a Passive that increases my Defense and Strength by twenty percent. And ¡®Beetle Bolt¡¯, which allows me to fire a small stinger from my palm, somehow.¡± ¡°That sounds pretty good,¡± I remarked. ¡°A lot of alliteration,¡± Panda commented. ¡°I wonder why I didn¡¯t lose my mind. I watched someone outside turn into a skeleton after he went insane, and all the skin and flesh melted off his body. He became violent and started attacking everyone.¡± ¡°I checked you with my Looking Glass and it seems like Wayward Minors like you aren¡¯t supposed to be able to turn into monsters, let alone go insane¡­¡± ¡°You went insane too right, so why do you look human?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I kind of want to try out my new powers,¡± she said, sounding enthusiastic for the first time since I¡¯d met her. Although, the fact that she was so quick to overcome the terror of turning into a monster was a bit disconcerting. I grinned. ¡°Then let¡¯s go find some stuff to kill!¡± GAME EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT! The first EVENT of the GREAT GAME will begin in exactly 1 hour! Mandatory Participation is in effect! ¡°Well, shit¡­ If we don¡¯t get out of here by then, I won¡¯t get a Full Recovery to have my arm returned¡­¡± ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll heal everyone before their Event?¡± Bee guessed. ¡°Let¡¯s not rely on such mercy from these guys,¡± I replied. I tried to retain my enthusiasm from moments prior, as we made our way through the hallway leading out of the rectangular room with the Workshop Door. However, I couldn¡¯t shake the building dread of what the System and the Great Game¡¯s orchestrators had in store for us. If everything I¡¯d already seen was anything to go by, a lot of people would die. What worried me most was the several mentions of this thing being broadcasted somehow. The implications were gruesome, since it meant that our struggles and deaths were all for the entertainment of others, as though we were slaves in a colosseum. The hallway led to a carpeted room filled with teddy bears¡­ the human-sized ones. ¡°Careful,¡± I told Bee. ¡°These might all be enemies.¡± ¡°What? All of them?¡± she scanned the room. ¡°There¡¯s like more than thirty.¡± No sooner had the words left her mouth than some of them started coming to life. ¡°You get to try out your Beetle Bolt, isn¡¯t that nice?¡± Panda said cheerfully. ¡°Don¡¯t let them get near you. Oh, and aim for the heads,¡± I told her and began running for the closest one, pulling my left arm back. As it began charging for me with its arms out, I hopped to the side and jabbed my fist into its head, producing a squelching crunch on impact and sending the bear to the floor. ¡°Watch out!¡± Bee yelled, as another one was right on me, but, before I could defend myself, a buzzing drill sound preceded something, which sheared through one of its stitched eyes and instantly killed it. I watched in surprise as the large plushie fell to the floor, then turned to look back at the girl. ¡°Did you do that!?¡± ¡°Yes! It came out of my hand somehow!?¡± ¡°That was really cool!¡± ¡°Thank you! Oh, watch out, two more!¡± I instinctively hopped sideways, just as a bear charged past, stumbling as it missed its attempted grab. The one behind it received the heel of my shoe to its nose, the impact of which left a crater. I quickly followed this up with a punch directly in the same spot, sending an explosion of red fluff everywhere. I heard the buzzing sound again and saw the other bear get pierced through by two back-to-back Beetle Bolts, though the aim was wonky, so it remained alive. Before it could charge for my new friend, I rammed into it and sent us both to the floor. It began struggling against my weight, and was somehow stronger than me, despite its soft body. Its struggles didn¡¯t last long though, as a third Bolt went through its head, killing it. ¡°Careful!¡± I yelled to her. ¡°You could¡¯ve hit me!¡± ¡°Sorry! I¡¯m having a lot of fun though!¡± ¡°She¡¯s psychotic, just like you,¡± Panda mused, sounding excited about the fact. I hopped off the back of the dead bear, but no sooner had I gotten back to my feet than I was grabbed from behind and squeezed in a vice grip. ¡°Argh, fuck! Let go of me!¡± I yelled, as the pressure on my arm and torso started producing uncomfortable pops and cracks from my body, as though I was in one of those horrendous ¡®chiropractor¡¯ videos. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. My struggles were not enough to break free, despite my high Strength attribute, which was probably due to my missing arm. A buzzing drill sound filled my ears, before a projectile flew right between my legs, uncomfortably-close to Lil¡¯ Gambit. The sound of tearing fabric came from the bear that held me and it quickly lost its balance, allowing me to wrestle free, before stomping on its head with my heel. Crunch! Three more bears came at me, but Bee and I quickly dispatched them. When it was clear that no more monsters would rise from the pile of teddy bears, I fell to my ass on the carpet with a sigh of relief.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -5! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -6 4/15
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®?Level Up (-5)?¡¯ Reached Level -5
We¡¯re still waiting on the agents to catch you and figure out this mystery, but, until then, you¡¯ve unlocked¡­ oh¡­ oh no¡­
Reward: ¡®...Break¡¯ Ability
I tapped on the name of the ability I was rewarded from hitting Level -5 and it brought up a strange description:
¡®¡­Break¡¯ x
Ability The first half of this ability seems to be missing, though it can still be utilized in this state. Target any non-living item, object, or other and break it down to its individual atoms. Cooldown: 12 hours
¡°First ability with a Cooldown I¡¯ve seen,¡± I mumbled. ¡°Did you level up as well?¡± Bee asked, coming over. I noticed how the palm of her right hand had a strange spiraling hole in the center, kind of like what I¡¯d seen from the Beetle Agents who shot flechettes at me. ¡°I did. I¡¯m Level -5 now.¡± ¡°I hit Level 2. I¡¯ve got points to invest now, but I¡¯m not sure what to put them in.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t go wrong with Vitality,¡± I said. ¡°It increases your Stamina and Health.¡± She seemed to consider it as she sat down opposite me, while looking at what I assumed was her Status screen. ¡°My Beetle Bolt uses Mana, which is based on either Intelligence or Wisdom, as far as I can tell. It seems my limit is six shots right now, because I fired five and started feeling woozy.¡± ¡°How do you get Mana back?¡± I asked. ¡°No idea. I thought maybe you knew.¡± ¡°He has ¡®literally zero¡¯ Mana,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Oh¡­¡± ¡°Maybe if you meditate, you¡¯ll recoup spent Mana?¡± ¡°¡­Meditate??¡± she asked, as though that was the most insane thing she¡¯d ever been told. ¡°Are you out of your mind, Gambit??¡± Panda joined in. ¡°Why am I even putting up with this toxic harassment?¡± I wondered to myself. ¡°Oh, I have a choice of skills from a level-up achievement,¡± Bee then suddenly said. ¡°What did you invest your points in?¡± ¡°I did a point in both Wisdom and Intelligence.¡± I brought my Status up, thought about it for a moment, then put my available point in Athleticism.
Level -5 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---This text was definitely always here and not retroactively added once its erroneous omission was pointed out---
STATS
Health: Not, Not ¡®Good¡¯ Stamina: ¤Á¤ç¤Ã¤È Armor: Plastic Bottle Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Mountain Bike Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Platypus Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Tomahawk
Athleticism: òùòð Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Plastic Bottle
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®...Break¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯
¡°Hey, Bee, is your Status screen complete garbage as well?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± she asked. ¡°Like, does it say weird stuff?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a lot of numbers, if that¡¯s what you mean?¡± ¡°¡­Oh, nevermind. I guess it¡¯s just me that¡¯s got a bungled one then.¡± Panda nodded. ¡°It has Japanese text and compares his Vitality to meat dishes.¡± ¡°What about your Wisdom and Intelligence, what do those say?¡± ¡°To-be-determined and Not-applicable¡­¡± ¡°What happens if you put points in them?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t, it gives me an error if I try¡­¡± ¡°Is it trying to keep you dumb?¡± Panda burst out laughing. I gingerly pulled him off my shoulder with my left hand and then sat him on Bee¡¯s lap. ¡°You can have this guy. I think I¡¯m pretty much done with him.¡± ¡°Hey! Don¡¯t be mad because she¡¯s speaking the truth!¡± ¡°Panda, you¡¯re a bully.¡± He put his fingerless arms on his hips and looked up at me with his beady eyes. ¡°Are you really going to abandon your best friend to a girl you just met??¡± ¡°You¡¯re not my best friend,¡± I replied. Panda looked shocked. ¡°Gambit¡­ that was pretty mean,¡± Bee said, patting the plushie on his head. ¡°Don¡¯t forget that looking at him with the Looking Glass literally made you insane¡­¡± ¡°He¡¯s just misunderstood,¡± she replied, ignoring my words. ¡°All the girls wanna fix me,¡± Panda answered with a self-satisfied nod. ¡°Alright, enough of this nonsense. Let¡¯s get out of here.¡± ¡°How?¡± Bee asked, looking up at me as I got to my feet. ¡°The System gifted me with an ability that should do the trick,¡± I told her. Chapter -16 ¡°I can¡¯t help but feel like all these abilities you get are a bit contrived,¡± Panda commented, once more back on my shoulder. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Well, think about it. You were started in a high-level Dungeon, but conveniently acquired an ability that allowed you to kill its boss. Then you got a passive that made your punch even stronger and allowed you to kill an Agent that the System said was level 60¡­ and now, after soft-locking this Dungeon, you were given an ability to break down the door that leads out.¡± ¡°I guess if you put it that way. But what about my BIRTHDAY_SUIT passive?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got no clue about that one,¡± he admitted. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Bee asked. ¡°What does the suit look like?¡± ¡°Erm¡­¡± ¡°Best you don¡¯t find out,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Aw. You¡¯re keeping secrets from me,¡± she said with a frown. ¡°Some things should stay secret.¡± I nodded in agreement. We came out of the hallway and into the rectangular room with the deflated balloon animals and the large Workshop Door. No sooner had we come into view of the door than a man pointed at me and yelled, ¡°You!¡± ¡°Oh, look, it¡¯s Hawaiian Shirt Guy.¡± He began stomping towards us, while three other people who¡¯d been with him stayed behind. There was a middle-aged man in a ruined suit, a woman in a pink jogging set, and a morbidly-obese green-haired person whose gender I couldn¡¯t quite place. They all looked supremely-weak and unprepared for the apocalypse. Even if they got out of this Dungeon, they would probably perish in the Game Event that was starting soon. ¡°Thanks to you, we¡¯re all stuck here!¡± the man yelled at me, getting right up in my face. I pushed him aside with a simple gesture, but instead of merely moving aside, his body tumbled across the floor until a giant plastic chair-leg stopped him. ¡°Did you mean to do that?¡± Bee asked me. ¡°No. But he did stab me with a screwdriver, so call it karma.¡± The three people standing by the large door drew back as I came closer. It was clear they weren¡¯t friends with Hawaiian Shirt Guy, but people like him had a tendency to make indecisive losers orbit them. Like sheep following a shepherd. ¡°That¡¯s a red-pilled toxic mindset,¡± Panda told me, commenting on my thoughts. ¡°I don¡¯t care, it¡¯s true.¡± ¡°What¡¯s true?¡± Bee asked, glancing at the three losers. Panda pointed at them, though they couldn¡¯t see him it seemed, and said, ¡°He thinks they¡¯re sheep.¡± The Beetle Girl nodded slowly, then said, ¡°They don¡¯t look like sheep to me.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a figure of speech,¡± the plushie tried to explain. ¡°Alright back up a little,¡± I said as I stopped in front of the Workshop Door. Bee took a step back, and the three people stepped even further away, while mumbling amongst themselves. I pointed my left hand at the door and then said, ¡°¡­Break.¡±
Ability Confirmation Required
You are about to utilize your ¡­Break ability on Workshop Door, which will result in its total and utter destruction. Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°Huh, that¡¯s odd,¡± I remarked, starting to dread what the result would be if it required a confirmation. That being said, I quickly tapped the ¡®Yes¡¯ button.
Ability Confirmation Required2
Are you absolutely certain you wish to proceed? This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡®Yes¡¯.
Ability Confirmation Required3
No, but, for real¡­ Are you utterly certain you wish to proceed??
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°Oh my god, how many times do I have to click ¡®Yes¡¯??¡±
Ability Confirmation Required4
Don¡¯t fuck with me! ARE YOU SURE?!?!?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°YES, GODDDAMN IT, I¡¯M SURE!!¡± Thankfully, a fifth confirmation message did not appear, and instead a tiny golden-glowing droplet left my palm and lazily drifted towards the massive door. The bystanders and Bee, all of whom hadn¡¯t seen the confirmation screens, just looked at me like I was mad, only belatedly spotting the thing that¡¯d floated out of my hand. The golden droplet connected with the wooden door and there came a strange sound, a bit like a gong being hit, producing a long drawn-out and bassy bwooooong! Light suffused the entire massive door like a spiderweb pattern on shattered glass and from one moment to the next, the door became dust that quickly disappeared. ¡°That was¡­ very underwhelming,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Hey, it got the job done at least.¡± The three nearby losers shared glances amongst themselves, and I could hear them whispering, ¡°He did it!¡± and allowed myself a smug grin. With the door gone, a new dark room awaited us. Although the System messages had said that this was a less straight-forward Dungeon, i.e. no kill-the-boss-and-leave design, I had the ominous feeling that walking into that darkness wasn¡¯t just a straight path to freedom. Before I could voice such concerns however, the three bystanders began moving through the threshold. I owed them nothing, but if they were walking into a trap, it would kind of be my fault for opening the way. ¡°Come on,¡± I said to Bee and we followed after them into the darkness. As I passed through, it was the same experience as when I¡¯d entered the Psychiatrist¡¯s arena in the Asylum, and when I turned around and tapped the veil in the doorway, I felt how it had become solid. ¡°I knew it¡­¡± I muttered to myself. A second later Bee passed through as well. ¡°That¡¯s a strange feeling,¡± she commented, then looked past me to the middle of the room. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± I turned around and took in the ¡®arena¡¯. It was a workshop, but with the same theme of everything being much larger than normal, though, in this case, the chairs and other furniture were made for the giant Clown I¡¯d killed, meaning they were four times their normal size. Discarded toys and unfinished projects lay everywhere, but in the very center of the room stood an ominous colorful box. The wooden floor around it was cleared of other toys, as though this one was significant in some way. Pulling out my Looking Glass, I scanned it:
Level 1 ¡®Suspicious Box¡¯ Boss? x
¡°*Muffled laughter*¡± The box itself is not much of a threat, but what it hides within is certain to give you nightmares.
As the three people ahead of us walked closer to inspect it, with no clear sense of self-preservation, the lid popped open and laughter preceded a figure that leapt out from within. I was still holding the Glass to my eye, so his description popped up immediately:
Level 10 ¡®Jack-In-The-Box¡¯ Boss x
¡°I¡¯ll stab ya good!¡± Jack has been living in this box for a while, so he¡¯s a bit smelly, but do not let that distract you from the fact that he¡¯ll definitely try to stab you! Bungo trapped this former kindergarten teacher in his workshop and put clown make-up on his face and dressed him in a black trench coat, for some reason. Oh, and he also swapped his hands for two large blades. The result is rather mismatch, but don¡¯t worry too much about it. You could try and fight Jack, but it is not required to escape from Bungo¡¯s Playroom. Y¡¯see, there¡¯s a convenient escape hatch beneath his box, but good luck getting to it without being sliced to ribbons!
I didn¡¯t even have time to put the Looking Glass away before the obese green-haired person was carved into four chunks, their blood going everywhere. ¡°Oof,¡± Panda grimaced at the sight, as the man in the ruined suit and the woman in the pink jogging set both started running back towards us. ¡°There¡¯s an escape hatch under the box!¡± I yelled, after reading the appraisal, but neither of the two tried to act upon this revelation. ¡°What do we do!? Do we try to fight him or try to move the box?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I don¡¯t think you have a choice in the matter,¡± Panda remarked, as the suit-wearing man was knocked to the floor by Jack-In-The-Box and quickly disemboweled from the back. While laughing like a maniac, the Boss began chasing down the woman who was only a few yards from us. Without thinking, I ran forward to intercept him. Bee raised her arm and took aim at the same time. ¡°Let¡¯s put this Jackass back in his box!¡± I yelled. ¡°¡­That was really lame,¡± Panda deadpanned. Chapter -17 ¡°I only have enough Mana for two shots!¡± Bee announced as I brushed past Pink Jogging-Set Lady. I swung wildly to try and catch Jack-In-The-Box with a body-blow, but he nimbly ducked under my arm, then spun like a blender blade and sliced shallowly through my left forearm and barely missing my legs. Moving to quickly prevent him from stabbing me with a follow-up move, I positioned myself to his left side and he turned to follow me. No sooner had he turned away from the direction Bee and the fleeing woman were than a buzzing Beetle Bolt tore into his armpit and emerged out the left side of his neck. The projectile flew on for a few more yards before losing its energy, spinning and scattering gore all the while. ¡°Nice shot!¡± I called, hopping forward with my knee aimed at Jack¡¯s stomach. But he was too quick for me to catch him up-close, and as he dodged out of the way he took the front of my right foot with him, ruining the tip of my shoe and severing at least one of my toes. I winced in pain, and when I stepped down and tried to back away, the lack of my big toe was immediately obvious, as my balance was suddenly off-kilter. The System, ever annoying and interfering as it was, popped an achievement right in my face.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®This Little Piggy Went to the Industrial Grinder¡¯ Lost one of your big toes.
This may seem just a slight inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, but you¡¯ll quickly realize just how debilitating an injury this is when you start trying to run or maintain balance.
Reward: ¡®Fingerless Socks¡¯
¡°What¡¯s a Fingerless Sock?¡± Panda wondered, hanging on to my shoulder as I avoided nearly being disemboweled thanks to the distraction. Forced to look through the semi-transparent pop-up message, I managed to avoid two more slashes, before misjudging my timing and having both of Jack-In-The-Box¡¯s blade-hands rammed into my abdomen. All the air was punched out of my lungs and a metallic cold quickly washed through my lower body. Fortunately, if such a word could be used in this situation, he wasn¡¯t able to immediately retract his blades, thanks to me grabbing his throat in a vice grip. A buzzing sound warned me that another Beetle Bolt was on its way and this one struck the boss right in his temple, but broke against the strength of his cranium. I gritted my teeth as I felt the cold radiate up to my lungs and acrid fluid attempting to escape my esophagus, then prepared to headbutt Jack¡¯s tough noggin with my own, though I could feel how consciousness was beginning to elude me, as darkness flowed into the corners of my vision. With a cough, bile and blood emerged from my mouth, and I could feel in my gut how he was twisting his blades to try and wriggle free. Suddenly an angry and desperate yell came from nearby. I turned just in time to see Pink Jogging-Set Lady come running with a crowbar in her hands. With a grunt of effort and a string of nonsensical curses, which might¡¯ve been Russian unless my ears were deceiving me, the lady smashed the crowbar into the right side of the boss¡¯ face. The same place where Bee had hit with her last shot. A satisfying crunch came from the impact and I was pulled to the floor with Jack-In-The-Box as he was knocked out cold. I slowly slid off of his blade-hands, while the woman kept smashing him in the head with the crowbar, screaming and crying all the while. Each impact became less crunch and more splat with every repetition, until eventually she tossed the bloodied and sticky crowbar aside. With a loud preemptive gargle, she spat on the boss¡¯ dead body. Then she looked at me, said something I didn¡¯t understand and began moving towards the box, walking past the dead man in the suit and the fat person who¡¯d been chopped up. My vision was slowly fading as more of my blood leaked out onto the wooden floor of the workshop, but I felt the sensation when small hands grabbed my shoulders and began dragging me away. I blinked myself awake, suddenly outside again, the sun¡¯s light staining the distant sky. With a gasp I shot upright, seeing Bee talking with Panda nearby, and the Crowbar Lady hugging her knees a bit further away. We¡¯d been dumped out into the sandy playground next to the kindergarten and all my wounds were healed. However, it seemed that my Punch-Glove had been disintegrated permanently as it had not returned. I couldn¡¯t tell if it was meant to happen or if it was some sort of hotfix to prevent me from easily killing any other ¡®functionally immortal¡¯ bosses in the future. ¡°You¡¯re awake,¡± Panda remarked, looking at me, not too concerned. ¡°No thanks to you,¡± I replied. ¡°I¡¯m the Mascot, remember?¡± Instead of answering, I pulled my Looking Glass out of my inventory and looked at the Crowbar Lady through it. I wanted to remember the name of the person who had saved me, especially when I had initially written them off. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. I was perhaps a bit too quick to judge¡­
Level 2 ¡®Tammy-Lee¡¯ Player x
¡°§±§à§Ý§å§é§Ñ§Û §ã§å§Ü§Ñ!!! §¢§Ý§ñ§ä§î, §Ö§Ò§Ñ§ß§ß§Ñ§ñ §Þ§â§Ñ§Ù§î! §±§à§Ý§å§é§Ñ§Û! §³§Õ§à§ç§ß§Ú! §³§Õ§à§ç§ß§Ú! §³§Õ§à§ç§ß§Ú!¡± Class: Mechanic Main Attribute(s): Strength, Vitality, & Perception Prior to the apocalypse, Tammy-Lee made a hobby of tuning scooters and cars. She is the byproduct of white-trash-meets-Russia, and, though she speaks English fluently, she prefers Russian. She has recently undergone a realization that perhaps she is cut out for the apocalypse after all, and all it took was smashing in the head of a boss that killed her friends. She seems indifferent towards you.
Thanks to "Then18" from my Discord for the Russian translation! As though reminded by the pop-up, several other ones appeared from defeating the Dungeon. DUNGEON ¡®Bungo¡¯s Playroom¡¯ CLEARED! Recommended Player level: 10 Recommended Team size: 3 Average Player level: -1 Player survivors: 4 Player deaths: 8 Enemies slain: 11 Bosses slain: 2
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bungo¡¯s Playroom First Clear¡¯ Cleared Bungo¡¯s Playroom for the first time.
We are obligated to give these achievements for any first-time clears of a Dungeon, though I¡¯d rather not reward someone who subverted the intended design of the challenge! But¡­ company policy¡­ what can you do?
Rewards: Full Recovery & ¡®Party Hat¡¯
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -6! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -7 4/20
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Optional Schmoptimal¡¯ Killed an Optional Boss.
Do you even understand what ¡®optional¡¯ means? Probably not, but whatever. You killed Jack-In-The-Box, so your reward is thematic to his character. Do note that not all Optional Bosses will have rewards associated with them, as they are, you know, optional¡­
Reward: ¡®One of Jack¡¯s Missing Fingers¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Widdle Twired Bwaby¡¯ Had to be carried out of a Dungeon.
I bet after aaaall that hard work, you just wanna take a nap while your friends continue to do all the heavy lifting, right? You disgust me.
Reward: ¡®Pacifier¡¯
I went through each of the achievements, growing more-and-more annoyed as I read them. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing the Full Recovery applied while you were out cold,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Otherwise, you¡¯d have bled to death.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t seem terribly distressed about that possibility.¡± ¡°Well, I have Bee now, so it¡¯s fine if you die.¡± ¡°Panda, that¡¯s not nice,¡± Bee commented. ¡°Did you carry me out?¡± I asked her, ignoring the dumb remark. ¡°I got a really mean achievement for it.¡± ¡°I dragged you to the hole that Tammy opened.¡± ¡°You know her?¡± I asked, indicating the woman sitting next to a half-finished sandcastle, still hugging her legs. ¡°Only a little bit, from before you entered the Dungeon, when we were trying to stay alive together.¡± ¡°Speaking of, it said there were four survivors. Does that mean that Hawaiian Shirt made it out?¡± ¡°If he did, I haven¡¯t seen him. Maybe he is still inside?¡± ¡°I guess it¡¯s because it¡¯s a different type of Dungeon,¡± I replied. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°Well, the other two I cleared teleported me out after I killed the boss, but it seems like everyone in the Playrooms had to actually get to the exit in the Workshop. Perhaps it¡¯s to counter-balance the fact that it¡¯s technically possible without doing any fighting.¡± ¡°Nevermind that right now!¡± Panda interrupted. ¡°Your damn beacon is still active!¡± I looked up in the sky, seeing how the pillar of light still made my location obvious from miles away. ¡°Well, shit.¡± ¡°Do you hear that?¡± Bee then asked. ¡°It sounds like buzzing.¡± ¡°Crap. We need to get out of here,¡± I told her, getting to my feet. Chapter -18 ¡°Why are we running?¡± Bee yelled, as I basically dragged her by the hand, while moving as far away from the incoming buzzing sound as I could. ¡°It¡¯s the Great Game Agents,¡± I told her between breaths. ¡°They¡¯re after me, because they think I¡¯m a cheater.¡± ¡°That makes sense,¡± she replied. ¡°Someone gets it,¡± Panda commented. ¡°If you don¡¯t change your attitude, Panda, I¡¯m chucking you at them,¡± I told him. ¡°Sheesh Gambit, you¡¯re in a foul mood.¡± ¡°I¡¯m serious.¡± Panda seemed to get the hint and relented. I let go of Bee¡¯s hand and opened my inventory, maintaining a steady jog, though the buzzing was still growing louder with every moment.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted posted that reads ''gambit''. A looking glass. A I-think-that''s-a-whistle whistle. A wet set of pajamas. A neat black suit. A screwdriver. A pink phallic-looking flare. That''s it''s only use! Don''t get funny ideas now! Socks that were meant to be "fingerless" but most definitely are intact (thank you, AI Artist-san...). A party hat. A pointing hand that was meant to be a single finger (once again, thank you AI artist-san...). A succulent pacifier.
Total Inventory Weight: 22.05 Pandas
I immediately pulled the finger out and inspected it. It was unnervingly-warm and soft, and also a little bit hairy.
¡®One of Jack¡¯s Missing Fingers¡¯ x
Obtained by defeating the Optional Boss, Jack-In-The-Box, in Bungo¡¯s Playroom. Since Jack had his hands taken away, he doesn¡¯t really need his fingers for anything. To unlock the rewards trapped within this still-warm discarded human remains, you have to crack it like a glowstick.
Weight: 0.75 Pandas
¡°Ugh, why is it always like this¡­¡± ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°The Boss Reward. Did you already unlock yours?¡± ¡°Yes, it was kind of gross to have to crack a finger in half like that. The options were pretty bad, but I got one for my Class called ¡®Beetle Barrier¡¯ that I can activate to harden my carapace and absorb hits for a short period of time.¡± ¡°Huh, for some reason I thought only I could choose a skill tied to my Glitched Class.¡± Panda cleared his throat, which was an odd mannerism. ¡°From my observations, it is clear that of the three skills offered from a Boss Reward, one is Class-specific, and the other two are Boss-specific.¡± ¡°Thanks genius,¡± I replied. ¡°Hey, you asked!¡± Crack! I snapped the finger in half, the bone jutting out. It was pretty gnarly. Thankfully, it quickly disappeared, before a pop-up followed:
Choose your reward! x
Please don¡¯t blame us for the methods required for unlocking boss-specific rewards, the System came up with all of those. Anyway, that was pretty gross. Here are your reward options, I guess.
Pick one of the options: ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ | ¡®Jackknife¡¯ | ¡®Sneaky Box¡¯
¡°Huh, Bee had different options for that boss,¡± Panda remarked.
¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ x
Ability While BIRTHDAY_SUIT is in full effect, you can activate this ability to slowly glide until you reach the ground or you consume all your stamina. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. But seriously, carefully consider the fact that you have to go naked for this to work¡­ We urge you to just forget this ability exists.
¡®Jackknife¡¯ x
Passive Your dominant hand is replaced by a large unbreakable blade like the ones Jack-In-The-Box had on his arms. But don¡¯t worry, you get to keep the hand we remove. For sentimental value, of course.
¡®Sneaky Box¡¯ x
Ability Be a little sneaky snake and spawn a box out of thin air to hide in. Although it is painfully-obvious to other Players that you are hiding in a box, it will fool all normal Enemies. Duration: 5 minutes Cooldown: 2 hours
After reading through the options, I selected the one for my Class, although I doubted I¡¯d ever use it. ¡°All the Boss Reward Passives are really horrific body modifications.¡± ¡°Do you think anyone is dumb enough to take those? It offered me a Passive that would¡¯ve given me irremovable clown makeup, but would¡¯ve also increased my Dexterity by 5.¡± ¡°Speaking of¡­ Status.¡± I put a point in Dexterity, since I definitely needed more of that if I was to continue fighting up-close without a ton of armour and health.
Level -6 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---This red bar loves you---
STATS
Health: Not, Not ¡®Good¡¯ Stamina: ¤Á¤ç¤Ã¤È Armor: Plastic Bottle Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Mountain Bike Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Joey Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Tomahawk
Athleticism: òùòð Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Plastic Bottle
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®...Break¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯
¡°What¡¯s a Joey?¡± asked Panda, looking at the new name next to my Dexterity. ¡°It¡¯s a word for a Baby Kangaroo,¡± I told him. ¡°I really wish I could see what your screens look like,¡± Bee commented. ¡°It sounds absurd.¡± ¡°There¡¯s probably a way,¡± I told her, ¡°We just need to find the right System Command for it.¡± ¡°Like that weird ¡®Unequip All¡¯ one you used?¡± I winced in anticipation of the command activating on her end. However, that did not happen. ¡°It gave me an error,¡± she replied with a shrug. ¡°Don¡¯t ever do that again!¡± I told her. ¡°You were about to put me in a lot of trouble!¡± ¡°I¡¯m on Gambit¡¯s side here!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Sorry. It seems the System at least prevents women and Wayward Minors from using that specific command.¡± ¡°That¡¯s such a peculiar kind of consideration,¡± I replied, surprised. ¡°I¡¯m telling you, Gambit, I don¡¯t think these Great Game people are that bad.¡± ¡°You said the same thing about the Mayor¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m still of that mindset,¡± he replied stubbornly. ¡°But think about it, they want to protect kids, they punish rule-breaking, and they don¡¯t like nudity!¡± ¡°¡­They also made all public transport into fucking monsters! What¡¯s the point you¡¯re trying to make here!?¡± ¡°They¡¯re not trying to protect kids,¡± Bee said, slowing down to a walk. Although the buzzing was coming closer, I slowed down with her. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°Those Child Protective Services ant-guys gave me a pamphlet before I escaped them¡­ the ¡®Children¡¯s Zone¡¯ is basically a farm and petting zoo¡­¡± Though Panda¡¯s face was knitted on, it still managed to look shocked and outraged. ¡°I knew it!¡± I said, glad that my suspicions had been confirmed. ¡°I knew those fucks weren¡¯t doing it because of morals! They probably eat kids as soon as they mature or something.¡± Suddenly the buzzing noise of our pursuer was almost directly overhead. I looked up and saw that four of the Beetle Agents were slowly gliding down towards us on their wings. WARNING! GREAT GAME Agents are coming to investigate cheating and rule-breaking! All Players in the area, get on the ground and prepare for invasive probing! Non-compliance will be punished! ¡°Fuck! Do you have any more shots of your Beetle Bolt!?¡± ¡°The Full Recovery restored all my Mana, so I can do seven shots.¡± ¡°Shoot them down! Quick! Aim for the wings or something!¡± Bee started lifting her palm upwards to follow my orders, but then Panda yelled, ¡°Gambit, you idiot! Those guys are Level 60! Just run!¡± ¡°It¡¯s too late to run!¡± I yelled. ¡°Do I take the shot??¡± I wracked my mind, trying to figure out what the best move was, but then I came upon a brilliant idea. ¡°Hey, do you think the agencies of the Great Game get on well?¡± I asked with a devious grin. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Panda asked, but then realization dawned on his face. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare¡­¡± I pulled the Child Protective Services Flare out of my inventory. Before either Bee or Panda could stop me, I¡¯d pulled the top off and used it to ignite the pink flare, which I lifted up above my head, as though daring the descending Agents to come closer. Although they were humanoid beetles in full carapace armor, I could tell they were thinking the same thing: ¡°Ah fuck¡­¡± Suddenly the area around us lit up with three giant pink-glowing overlapping triangles, before an announcement went out to the area. WARNING! Child Protective Services are coming to respond to a Wayward Minor in distress. All Amoral Perverts beware, for you will be exterminated if found within the landing zone of the approaching vessel. Those accompanying the Wayward Minor can breathe easy and prepare to accept their reward for bringing them to safety. A full-area scan will now commence. The air suddenly hummed, before the same pink light from the triangles washed over Bee, myself, and the four approaching agents and their winged potato airship above. Then something like a sonic boom sent a shockwave out across the air, making both of us stumble, while the agents struggled to maintain their steady approach from above. My eyes widened as I saw the enormous glistening black ship in the sky above. It was easily the size of a cruise liner. WARNING! Amoral Perverts detected. Prepare for extermination. ¡°Now we run,¡± I said and grabbed Bee by the hand. Chapter -19 The sound of cannon-fire filled the air, each concussive blast making the ground quake. I¡¯d put Bee on my shoulders and was sprinting down the road, while what looked like black drop pods were falling down from the enormous vessel in the sky. It was large enough that its shadow cast the area beneath it in a dusk-time gloom. Bee¡¯s hands were clasped onto my forehead, while Panda was nestled between her arms. The carapace covering her body and fingers was somewhat painful as it pressed against my skin, but my mind right then was on getting as far away as possible. The buzzing of the Agents¡¯ flying vehicle was totally deafened by the continuous boom from the enormous Child Protective Services cruiser in the sky, but a glance back over my shoulder showed that they were still flying after us with their beetle wings. Then something like an incoming mortar screeched through the air, before it hit the street behind us with enough power to release a shockwave that momentarily sent me airborne, though I landed on the heels of my shoes a second later and continued running, with Bee still holding on firmly. ¡°Bee, close your eyes!¡± I yelled. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Just do it!¡± Panda yelled, understanding what I was about to do. ¡°Okay, they¡¯re closed, what now?¡± I took a deep breath, then yelled, ¡°Unequip All!¡± All the clothes left my body as it was pulled into my inventory, before the full effect of my passive was unleashed: SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! Energy surged through my body and I leapt high into the air, yelling, as I reached the apex of the sixteen-feet jump, ¡°I_CAN_FLY!¡± A sound like tearing fabric emerged from the skin of my back and I heard Panda gasp at what he saw. ¡°Gambit! You have wings!¡± Although I couldn¡¯t articulate or flap these wings, they ensured that our descent towards the ground was slowed significantly, while forward momentum was maintained. Within just a few seconds, we¡¯d outpaced the pursuing Agents. Granted, it didn¡¯t matter how far I ran, given that I still had a freaking beacon showing my location at all times. ¡°What kind of wings are they?¡± I asked as we were nearing the ground again. I could feel that my stamina was pretty drained from the skill, but figured I still had enough left for another jump-and-glide. ¡°Erm, they¡¯re pretty gross, to be honest with you.¡± ¡°They¡¯re not angel wings?¡± ¡°¡­Seriously?¡± ¡°What?¡± I felt as Bee shifted around to look at them as well. ¡°Oh god! They¡¯re made of human skin!¡± ¡°Bee! Close your eyes!¡± ¡°Gambit, you need to shave your back. You¡¯re really hairy.¡± ¡°Inventory,¡± I shouted and quickly threw my clothes on, the wings disappearing as only two feet separated us from the ground. No sooner had I started running down the asphalt road than another set of screeching drop pods fell from the sky. They impacted an intersection near a gas station in front of us and sent forth two shockwaves that punched me to my ass and knocked Bee off my shoulders. Before I could get to my feet, I heard movement from behind us as well, as the beetle Agents alighted only a few yards away. ¡°Lay down on the ground and prepare to be probed, Cheaters!¡± ¡°What do we do, Gambit!?¡± Bee asked, panicked. ¡°I¡¯ve never been probed before.¡± ¡°Trust me, we¡¯re not getting probed,¡± I said, trying to sound reassuring. ¡°Isn¡¯t it a crime if they probe a Minor?¡± Panda commented. As the sound of the beetles¡¯ boots on the asphalt became louder, the approach of six other boots came from the direction of the drop pods, as they spat out three ant-like humanoids each. ¡°Show us the Wayward Minor and you won¡¯t be publicly crucified, you Amoral Pervert!¡± Sensing a challenge to their authority, the beetles yelled to the ants, ¡°Back off Queen-lickers! This is our jurisdiction! These two are rule-breaking Cheaters subverting the GREAT GAME!¡± ¡°Screw that, you dung-eaters! You know the Child Protective Services take precedence when it comes to Wayward Minors!¡± Although it hadn¡¯t panned out exactly as planned, since Bee and I were now trapped between the two opposing agencies, we were fortunately not killed on sight which was a definite victory, albeit a small one. ¡°How long until the first Game Event?¡± asked Panda. ¡°Why would I know? You think I¡¯ve got an internal timepiece or something??¡± ¡°Silence Cheater!¡± yelled one of the beetles, his buzzing voice filling my ears like a swarm of flies. Like last time I¡¯d seen them, they were all identical and wore dark-brown glossy carapaces. I saw how one of them kept glancing towards Bee, probably because she resembled them more than a human now. Granted, her appearance wasn¡¯t due to a suit of armour, but then, when I thought about it and looked closer at the beetles who were busy arguing with the ants, I realized that I had been wrong about them. Their carapace was their body. After all, it was an exoskeleton, which meant¡­ ¡°Oh god, I just realized that the Punch-Glove was literally just some dude¡¯s severed limb that I shoved my own arm into¡­¡± ¡°Not a word more out of you, Pervert!¡± the ants shouted in unison, three of them pointing at me with spears of some kind. ¡°They¡¯re very abusive,¡± whispered Bee. ¡°Yea, they really don¡¯t like Gambit,¡± Panda agreed. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. The black ants were not as bulky as the beetles, but shared many similarities, such as the fact that their bodies were covered in carapaces and antennae poked out from the tops of their heads. Instead of plates on their back hiding wings, the ants had large gasters poking out from where their butts would normally have been, and these were carrying some kind of neon-orange fluid that partially shined through the black lining. ¡°We¡¯re lucky they didn¡¯t bring their ¡®dogs¡¯,¡± Bee added quietly. ¡°How bad can they be?¡± I wondered. ¡°Really bad. They¡¯re so much bigger than you think.¡± As the two agencies continued discussing our fate and the apparently-convoluted minutia of how each of their agencies and their jurisdiction worked, I carefully opened my inventory with a subvocalized command and pulled out my Looking Glass. I aimed it at one of the ants first, since they were new to me. Fortunately, none of them seemed to notice, since it wasn¡¯t a hostile move.
Level 45 ¡®#0003890221¡¯ Collector x
¡°Keep Wayward Minors safe.¡± Job: Minor Collector Affiliation: Child Protective Services This is a Minor Collector of the CPS. As you may guess, their job is to collect Wayward Minors who were not automatically collected when the GREAT GAME was initialized on your world. The Ants of the CPS are hive creatures who take solace in numbers. It¡¯d be a bad idea to get on their bad side, because, even if you kill a hundred of them, there are millions more ready to take their place. They seem openly hostile towards you for your repeated displays of Amoral behavior in front of a Wayward Minor.
I swiveled around to appraise one of the beetle agents, specifically the one who was arguing with the ants.
Level 60 ¡®K-klhh-glrq¡¯ Agent x
¡°Glory to the System and its Rules! Death to all Glitches!¡± Job: GREAT GAME Agent Affiliation: Rule-Enforcement and Probing Department This is an Agent of the REPD. Agents such as this investigate rule-breaking and aberrant behavior that violates the System¡¯s carefully-laid design. They are in charge of discovering the cause of Glitches as well as preventing subversion of the GREAT GAME. The Agents of the REPD take rule-enforcement very seriously, as the System is their literal God. To them, Glitches are like the Devil and must be eradicated once discovered. Usually, this takes the form of vivisection and then ritualistic crucifixion. They seem openly hostile towards you for your repeated displays of Glitched behavior and flouting of the System¡¯s rules.
¡°I wonder if the Beetles are Welsh,¡± I muttered below my breath, quiet enough to not be noticed. ¡°Who gives a shit, Gambit! We need to get out of here!¡± ¡°Easy enough for you to say!¡± I hissed. ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll begin fighting each other?¡± Bee guessed, scooting closer to where I sat and tried to look inconspicuous. ¡°If they do, the beetles will win,¡± I said. ¡°They¡¯re Level 60, while the ants are Level 45.¡± ¡°There¡¯s only four of the beetles, but the ants brought a goddamn spaceship!¡± Panda argued. ¡°Oh right, I hadn¡¯t thought of that.¡± ¡°Do you have any other tricks up your sleeve?¡± Bee wondered. ¡°I could start just punching wildly and hope for the best, it hasn¡¯t failed me yet.¡± ¡°You were definitely the type of child who tried to force the square peg down the triangular hole in kindergarten, weren¡¯t you Gambit?¡± I was about to fire back a very witty and clever retort, when suddenly a new message appeared in front of my eyes. I looked over to where the leaders of the two agencies stood and saw that both of them were holding strange cylindrical devices made of stone in their hands. WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! ¡°Ah, shit¡­ this is only escalating,¡± I muttered as I saw some kind of trippy constantly-shifting geometric shape appear in the sky. A hole opened at the bottom of the mercury-like vessel and sent a pillar of light down to the ground, directly between the two arguing groups. They all took several steps away from the circle the light formed on the asphalt. Then something manifested on the ground where the pillar touched, as though beamed down with some kind of ripoff Star Trek transporter. I immediately lifted my Looking Glass to my eye, peering through the fractured lens at the thing that appeared from the pillar of light.
Level ?? ¡®Adjudicator¡¯ Manager x
¡°I do not appreciate being looked at.¡± Job: GREAT GAME Adjudicator Affiliation: Dispute-Resolution There are a lot of Agencies handling the multifaceted nature of the GREAT GAME. As with anything where big egos collide, there is an inherent need for mediators and judges that determine: who is in the right and who deserves a crucifixion. If your worthless existence has brought the attention of an Adjudicator, you have made all the wrong moves in your life leading up to now. Unlike Agents who make up the vast majority of the Agencies, Adjudicators are like demi-gods who answer only to the MASTERS of the GREAT GAME. It seems to not like you staring at it.
The light from the nonsensical spaceship in the sky died away and left behind the most awful thing I¡¯d ever laid eyes on. It was a floating upside-down pyramid made of quivering purple flesh, which sported tentacles from random parts of its ¡®body¡¯ and was utterly covered in eyes. Above the pyramid was a floating sphere with a mouth, within which was an eye that physically hurt to look at, its iris like a shroom-induced kaleidoscope. ¡°Don¡¯t look at it!¡± I quickly told Bee, covering her eyes. WHY HAVE I BEEN SUMMONED!? The assembled ants and beetles all dropped to their knees, seeming to almost regret having invoked the Adjudicator. The voice of the incomprehensible being was like having worms poke against my cranium from within, giving me an instant migraine and making blood dripple out my nostrils. I clenched my teeth and held on to Bee, as though I could somehow shield her from the effects of its voice, but it was clear from the way she was quivering that she felt it too. One of the beetles started to explain the situation, though dared not look directly at the eldritch monstrosity in front of him. Before I could hear anything, however, an announcement appeared and the world slowed to a crawl. I had the uncomfortable realization that, while everything was moving at one-twentieth its normal speed, the Adjudicator was not affected by this time dilation, and seemed to be watching Bee and I as we read/listened to the announcement. At long last it is time for the first GAME EVENT of the GREAT GAME! *Applause and choir-like harmonizing blood-curdling screams* Everyone still alive and hearing this announcement will now be transported to the nearest EVENT AREA! I looked up and my eyes met with the one large eyeball in the floating spherical mouth, its gaze feeling like an open flame, and, though the Adjudicator didn¡¯t say anything, I knew this wouldn¡¯t be the last time we met. Then, suddenly, the ground vanished under me and I fell into darkness. The air was sucked out of my lungs while wind whooshed by my ears. I tried to yell, but my voice never manifested. Chapter -20 My fall came to a sudden stop with an instant deceleration. A second later, the darkness cleared away, revealing my surroundings as some kind of massive underground cavern full of ancient ruins. What¡¯s more, I was bound into a seated position on a stone shelf of some vast amphitheater that easily seated twenty-thousand people, with there being maybe twenty shelves, or perhaps ¡®rows¡¯ were a better word, that curved to encompass a single stage at the bottom that was currently empty. Hands of pale-blue light were holding me stuck where I sat, but I was still able to move my head and neck. Panda hopped down from my shoulder and got comfortable on my lap, then said, ¡°Lot of people here, huh?¡± I looked around and though I¡¯d briefly scanned my surroundings, it didn¡¯t hit me until now that the rows of the amphitheater were absolutely full, with not a single open gap. If my assumptions were correct, then all these people had been pulled here from within a certain radius, meaning that Bee was supposed to be around here somewhere. However, no matter where I looked, I couldn¡¯t spot her green carapace, skin, nor antennae. ¡°I don¡¯t see Bee anywhere,¡± I said, realizing that my hearing was kind of obfuscated from the peculiar effects of the transportation. Then the proverbial wool fell from my ears and all I heard was screaming, crying, and shouting. A sigh of nostalgic relief left my lips. ¡°It¡¯s almost like being back in the Asylum,¡± I commented. ¡°Gambit¡­ I say this as your friend, but¡­ you¡¯re not okay.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a talking Panda,¡± I replied stupidly, feeling very mellow all of a sudden. It seemed that it wasn¡¯t just me who felt this change, as the loud noises from the forcefully-seated people began to die down. The people on either side of me were both men who looked haggard and malnourished. As I lazily looked around some more, I saw this reflected in a lot of people, though there were the occasional individuals who seemed content and confident, as well as a rare few with clear deformities no doubt caused by taking certain passives from the Boss Rewards. The lights in the ceiling, which were in fact some kind of tiny flying brightly-glowing insects, began to dim, while others directed pillars of light at the empty stage below. Like snakes of fabric, the hands of blue light moved up past my neck and forced me to look down at the scene, since something was about to appear. No matter how much I tried, I couldn¡¯t overpower the hands keeping me restrained, and when I tried to open my mouth to ask Panda for help, no voice escaped, or rather, the sound was switched ¡®off¡¯. Panda looked up at me and snickered, perhaps enjoying the fact that I couldn¡¯t talk. Then the pillars of light aiming at the stage converged on a single point and something like a flashbang preceded a tiny hovering creature¡¯s appearance. Welcome Players to the first EVENT of the GREAT GAME! All of us were forced by the blue hands of light to raise our arms and clap. The synchronized smack of over twenty-thousand, mostly, human hands was deafening and I could feel how after just a few claps the skin of my palms was becoming raw and starting to bruise, yet I was helpless to stop it. Despite the mellowing effect that had overcome me like one of the drugs the Asylum orderlies always dished out, I felt a seething hatred towards that tiny fairyfly-like humanoid, as I instinctively knew it was one of the Orchestrators behind the apocalypse and our suffering becoming someone else¡¯s entertainment. As though to highlight this latter part, floating orbs covered in multifaceted eyes were moving through the air like drone cameras, no doubt capturing this moment for an audience somewhere. All of you have survived the first day of the GREAT GAME¡¯s initialization and are now rewarded by being allowed to participate in the first of many thrilling life-or-death GAMES! Once again, we were forced to applaud, but I saw how a lot of the people nearby were sobbing and yelling wordlessly, unable to fight against the bonds. As my own hands slapped against each other, Panda tried to stop my arms from moving, but was unsuccessful, and had his soft head squished between my palms for his trouble. Fortunately, he seemed completely uninjured, but I also still had a sneaking suspicion he wasn¡¯t really there and more like some demented cartoon mascot my diseased brain had conjured. Stolen story; please report. The fairyfly announcer flitting about on the stage below held up her hands and our clapping ceased, much to everyone¡¯s collective relief. Thank you, thank you! You¡¯re too kind! Now, I¡¯m sure you¡¯re all eager to find out what this first GAME will be about, but before that we have something that must be dealt with. The Announcer lifted her tiny right hand, which suddenly glowed with a pale-blue light, before three people from various parts of the amphitheater seats were lifted high into the air by the blue hands and then brought to the stage. They were all three forced to hang in a t-pose ten yards above the platform, as the fairyfly continued talking. As some of you are aware, we take allegations of Cheating and Glitches very seriously, and these three individuals are ones which were apprehended by our brave REPD Agents and confirmed to have engaged in various acts of System Subversion. Please keep watching as they are punished. The hands holding my head in place moved its long fingers to my face and forced my eyelids open, while my gaze was aimed at the three floating t-posing people. They were all men ranging from eighteen to twenty-five. The first of them had several transformations on his body, looking more like a nightmarish creature from the dark ages than a human; the one to his left had an edgy trench coat and katana; and the last wore a full carapace suit like that of a beetle Agent. Suddenly they all began to scream in agony. What followed next was one of the most sadistic and cruel things I¡¯d ever seen, which was saying something, given that I watched Funkytown every Christmas Eve just to put me in the holiday spirit. After the announcer was done with the public crucifixion, the three brutalized bodies continued just hanging there in the air, like the most gruesome example of ¡®Fuck around and find out¡¯ and as an obvious deterrent to any prospective cheaters. Granted, I was pretty much screwed, since I was already on their radar, but it seemed that being apprehended by the beetle Agents was what led to this, so as long as I could elude them, I¡¯d be fine. Probably¡­ The Announcer then returned to the announcement with her cheerful voice as though nothing had happened. Currently, thousands of other EVENT AREAS are going through the same as you, but, in time, there will be way less Players to fill the seats and thus you may end up sitting next to those from the other side of your world, rather than your annoying coworker Samantha. *Throat-clearing noises* Without further ado, I will now explain the rules of the first GAME! We call it WEAPONLUTION! All of us applauded. ¡°That¡¯s a stupid name,¡± Panda remarked. I blinked, something which was once again possible thanks to the fingers no longer propping my eyes open forcefully. ¡°I know what you¡¯re thinking: ¡®Yay, Panda can talk!¡¯ I can see it written on your face. And no, I don¡¯t know why their strange magic doesn¡¯t work on me, but, then again, I also don¡¯t think they can actually see me. I¡¯m like invisible ink, but you need to be insane to read me.¡± In this GAME, you will each be given a weapon befitting of your culture. The objective is simple! You need to kill twenty-five Players within forty-eight hours to complete the GAME! But, to make things interesting, your weapon will have a set of three Evolutions to choose between with every kill you get, which should hopefully lead to a spectacular finale! We also like to incentivize go-getters, so the first three Players to complete WEAPONLUTION, will receive a special reward! Lastly, a Cadre of Ambushers from the Anti-Rebellion Force will join in to make things a little more challenging. The Announcer waved her hand and suddenly I fell through the ground and became enveloped in darkness again. Ready, Set, Go! Chapter -21 I let out a grunt as I landed on a hard stone floor. Light came from above, cast by floating glowing flies, and lit up my surroundings, which seemed to be the ruins that I¡¯d seen within the massive cavern from the amphitheater. I got to my feet and looked around, realizing I was in some kind of nonsensical area, given how the paths around me didn¡¯t venture straight, but rather snaked and zigzagged around with no rhyme-or-reason. It was almost as if the ruins weren¡¯t built by masons, but rather by some bizarre aliens. Even the stones were curved and bent in odd ways to accommodate the shapes of the various hallways. Before I could go anywhere, two things appeared in the palms of my hands. In my right was an old-timey pocket-watch and in my left was a knife, like the kind you use to chop vegetables with. I flipped open the lid of the watch with my thumb nail and the following text appeared above its revealed clockface: Time remaining: 5.47923009E-6 Millennium Kills remaining: 25 I sighed. ¡°¡­It¡¯s nonsense. Not sure why I expected anything else, to be honest.¡± ¡°You mean to tell me you don¡¯t know how to convert millennia to hours?¡± ¡°And you do??¡± ¡°Obvio, my dear Caracol.¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°It says 47 hours 59 minutes 53 seconds.¡± I closed the lid and stuffed the Pocket-Watch in my¡­ pocket. Then I looked at the knife I¡¯d been given. ¡°This is my weapon?¡± I wondered. ¡°It doesn¡¯t look like much.¡± ¡°Ye mum¡¯s a slag, ya dawg cunt!!¡± the knife suddenly yelled. ¡°Imma purrfect fakkin Queenslander Excalibur!!¡± ¡°Ahh shit¡­ the knife fucking talks.¡± ¡°Hey that¡¯s my role! I¡¯m supposed to be the one that berates you!¡± Panda exclaimed, offended. ¡°You can fak off ¡®n all!!¡± I switched the knife to my right hand and tried to be amicable with my new companion. ¡°I¡¯m Gambit, what¡¯s your name?¡± ¡°It¡¯s Brock, ya non-hand-lotion-using troglodyte!!¡± ¡°Where¡¯s the mute button on this thing?¡± Panda wondered. He was back to sitting on my shoulder again, though I hadn¡¯t noticed him crawl up there. ¡°Fak yuu!!¡± ¡°Inspect,¡± I said while focusing on the knife.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
This is your weapon for the WEAPONLUTION GAME. ¡­ You were meant to receive a gun, but, ehh, something went wrong. ¡­ I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll be fine. Level: 0 Evolutions: N/A
Length: 3 inches Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Wait¡­ I was meant to receive a gun??¡± ¡°When¡¯s the stabbing begin!?¡± ¡°I thought the glitches were working in my favor,¡± I muttered, looking at the vegetable chopper verbally abusing me. ¡°They made me bring a knife to a goddamn gunfight¡­ and it¡¯s not even an impressive knife¡­¡± ¡°Oy, fak yuu!! Imma three-inch champion, Nigel!! Jab me in someone¡¯s carotid, and it don¡¯t matter what length I am!!¡± If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°My name¡¯s Gambit, not Nigel.¡± ¡°Does it seem like I give two shits?? You could be her Majesty the Queen for all I care!!¡± ¡°She¡¯s dead,¡± Panda commented. ¡°You bein¡¯ fair dinkum??¡± ¡°It¡¯s true,¡± I replied. ¡°That¡¯s proper sad, as a matter of fact.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯m over it. Let¡¯s go stab some dawgs!!¡± ¡°Might as well get to it,¡± I agreed and began to make my way down one of the paths that surrounded the intersection where I¡¯d landed. ¡°Hold up, Gambit, what about the ethics of this whole thing? You¡¯re gonna have to kill other Players!¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°What do you mean ¡®So¡¯??¡± ¡°It¡¯s either me or them,¡± I replied calmly. My mind was already made up about this. Besides, it wasn¡¯t like anyone had helped me in my time of need, so I would just protect myself and Bee, and not put my neck out for strangers who might shoot me in the back as soon as I looked away. ¡°But maybe there¡¯s a way you can save everyone!¡± Panda insisted desperately. ¡°Oy, Jiminy Cricket, you heard Nigel. All these nongs out here bouta be stabbed!!¡± ¡°You¡¯re a literal talking weapon, so of course you¡¯d advocate for murder!¡± ¡°That¡¯s actually a very harmful stereotype, Jiminy. Do I like murder? Yes, of course. But I also like cats. I think you¡¯ll find that Imma a very complex individual.¡± ¡°Panda, since when did you care about anyone else?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just saying, you ought to have some moral dilemma right here! What if it was Bee you had to fight!?¡± ¡°That¡¯d be different. But why should I care about people who helped support an evil government that condones mocking sick people and locking them away!?¡± ¡°Not everyone has a choice, Gambit.¡± ¡°There¡¯s always a choice!¡± I told him, feeling my face starting to flush with anger. ¡°Fellas¡­ I¡¯m fakkin bored. Can we go kill something now?¡± I gritted my teeth and squeezed the plastic grip of the vegetable knife, then began stomping down the strange hallway. Panda didn¡¯t say anything further, as he had no doubt realized the futility of trying to change my mind. Besides, I wasn¡¯t some grand hero here to save humanity. I was just trying to stay alive and expecting anything else of me was absurd. The stone bricks under my feet were glossy-smooth like glass, as though hundreds of feet had worn them down over centuries, but still had just enough grit that my shoes didn¡¯t slip. The walls were of a similar nature, and the dark-greenish-grey color made it almost feel like these weren¡¯t chiseled by skilled workers, but rather grown as though part of some organism or plant. From floor-to-ceiling was about thirteen feet and there were no decorations anywhere nor any windows or doors, just a hallway that followed a ponderous path, and occasionally branched off to veer in new directions. ¡°I think it¡¯s a maze of some sort,¡± I remarked, mostly to myself. No sooner had I said that than my current route brought me to a large open chamber where the floor sloped down into a bowl of sorts and round pillars connected the ceiling to the floor. ¡°Don¡¯t move!¡± someone suddenly yelled and I instinctively turned to face them. It was a man in his forties wearing an ill-fitting blue polo and dark shorts. The skin of his neck, arms, and legs were covered in the tell-tale signs of the healing stitches. He was aiming a gun at me, but not the kind of gun that I¡¯d expected. ¡°Is that a flintlock?¡± Panda asked, confused. A tense moment passed, where my previously-stated morals were put to the test, and I failed. Bang! Something burst out the side of the polo shirt guy¡¯s head, sending brain matter and blood onto the nearby wall, before he collapsed to the ground and his gun became blue particles that flowed in the same direction, towards his killer. I spotted the man, who was partially obscured by a pillar about fifteen yards away, begin to reload his own flintlock, while clicking on some unseen screen in front of him as the blue particles flew into his weapon. Fortunately for me, the reloading was no straight-forward affair. Kicking off from the floor in a high jump, I sailed towards the guy, just in time to see how the barrel of his flintlock widened and he turned to aim it towards me. But he hadn¡¯t expected me to jump into the air, which threw him off for just long enough that I could close the distance. As I came within just eight feet, he swiveled the barrel of his blunderbuss-looking gun at my head and I quickly ducked low enough to plant both of my hands on the floor. Blam!! Hot air and smoke flew over my head, while the sound of projectiles plinking off the pillars and walls behind me echoed around the chamber. I pushed myself up and lunged for his throat with my pathetic knife, following Brock¡¯s instructions of aiming for the carotid artery. My vegetable knife dug into the man¡¯s neck and sent a pressurized jet of blood out, before he collapsed to the floor and his blunderbuss dissolved into particles that were absorbed by my knife. It was only then that I realized that the guy was no older than nineteen, with some youthful stubble on his cheek and a shabby hoodie with a print that was flaking off. I let out a frustrated sigh. ¡°Fak yea, bruv!! That was sick as!!¡± ¡°I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re supposed to be British or Australian,¡± Panda commented. Before I could weigh in on the matter, a screen appeared, as the last of the particles absorbed into Brock¡¯s ¡®body¡¯.
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 1
Kitchen Knife +4in Length +50% Weight Switchblade +2in Length +Twin-edge +30% Weight Hydra +1 Blade +80% Weight
¡°It seems I only get a level from a kill I perform myself, regardless of how many kills my victim had.¡± ¡°Pick Kitchen Knife, I reckon.¡± ¡°The Hydra option seems goofy,¡± Panda said. ¡°I¡¯m thinking Kitchen Knife is the best option here too,¡± I decided and tapped the screen. As soon as I had selected, the vegetable knife in my hand grew a longer, more comfortable, handle and the blade not only widened, but also elongated. It felt much more like a weapon now, though it¡¯d still chip if I tried to ram it into anything hard like bone or armor. ¡°I just realized: I¡¯m pretty much screwed if I meet anyone with a similar transformation as Bee¡­¡± ¡°You still have your fists, numbskull.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ right. I hadn¡¯t thought about that. I guess that having abilities and passives is also really gonna give you a leg up on the competition.¡± A series of pops sounded from down one of the snaking tunnels connected to the chamber, and I quickly ran in to chase down its source, hoping to score another kill quickly. After all, the longer I waited, the more evolved other Players¡¯ weapons would be. And they had guns, so¡­ As I ran, an eyeball orb trailed after me, floating up by the ceilings. I had, for a moment, forgotten why I was here and let myself become absorbed in the simple thrill of it all, but the sight of this eldritch camera drone reminded me that my existence here was just as entertainment. I¡¯d get out of this fucked-up Game Show and kill the Announcer with my own bare hands. That was a promise I made to myself right then and there. Chapter -22 The tunnel began to twist, the walls becoming the floor, the ceiling becoming the wall, continuing like that in a spiral as I came closer to the source of gunfire. Each pop grew louder as I neared the end, before I came out onto a narrow landing within a giant ¡®chimney¡¯ with stairs running up and down along the wall and a massive drop in the center. There were openings further up and down along the stairs, denoted by landings in front of holes in the curving stone wall. No sooner had I entered this chimney than the sound of an explosion above preceded a plink of a bullet against the wall just next to my head. Without thinking, I began running up the steps, taking three at a time with long strides. ¡°They¡¯re broadcasting this, right?¡± I asked rhetorically. ¡°Yes, and?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s give them a show.¡± ¡°¡­Please don¡¯t do what I think you¡¯re about to.¡± ¡°Unequip All!¡± I yelled. SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! As all my clothes vanished off my body, I picked up speed and leapt from the steps to reach the other side many yards above. ¡°I_CAN_FLY!¡± ¡°I really don¡¯t think you need to pronounce the underscores,¡± Panda remarked. Before gravity could pull me down as I reached the apex of my leap, I began gliding and came to a stop safely on a landing in front of a tunnel leading away. I turned around, looking for the guy who¡¯d shot at me and saw that he was only slightly further up from where I stood, staring at me in a mix of awe and disgust. He clumsily lifted his gun at me, and it looked kind of like a flintlock rifle, meaning he¡¯d at least killed one person already. But, as I sprinted up the steps, I was too fast for him to hit me and his shot whiffed. Before he could try to escape, I lanced him through his solar plexus, tearing the blade out sideways and carving a channel in his flesh below the ribcage, then switched my grip and sliced through his throat. Blood and guts spilled out as his dead body lost its balance and fell off the steps and down the long drop in the center of the chimney. ¡°Strewth!! Nigel, that was sick as!!¡± I watched as the body fell and then vanished into the darkness below. It was impossible to see the bottom and ceiling of the structure I was within, and I had a sneaking suspicion neither actually existed. Part of me felt bad that I hadn¡¯t even gotten a proper look at the guy before killing him, but another part felt it was easier if I didn¡¯t consider them as humans. They were the competition, they were out to get me like everyone else, and compassion would just get me killed. While the blue particles of his weapon were absorbed into Brock, I looked at a little blue wisp that was left behind on the ground. ¡°What¡¯d you think that is?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°Maybe he dropped some loot?¡± I considered the wisp for a moment. ¡°I suppose it does have a very ¡®I contain loot¡¯ look about it.¡± As I touched my finger to it, the blue light seemed to form a pop-up: Leftovers of Player ¡®Michael John Michaels¡¯: ¡®Survival Kit¡¯ ¡°¡®Leftovers¡¯ is a terrible name for dropped loot,¡± Panda critiqued. I tapped the name of the item and it vanished from the list and was added to my inventory, with the empty wisp disappearing seconds later. Then the next Evolution screen appeared:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 2
Kitchen Knife+ +5in Length +50% Weight Hydra +1 Blade +80% Weight Serrated +Serrated Edge -25% Slashing
The choice was a no-brainer and I picked the ¡®Kitchen Knife+¡¯, the handle growing slightly in my hand and becoming better quality, and the blade gaining a few more inches. ¡°Fak yes, cunt!! Look at me, wooh!!¡± Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I heard the sound of running from above and looked up to see a man and a woman coming down towards me. The man was in front and had some kind of shell-like protrusion from his forehead and the woman had a crab claw instead of her left hand. When they saw me, they both paused for a second, as I was still fully nude, but then they raised their evolved guns at me and I only barely managed to jump before they pulled the triggers. The woman¡¯s gun was like a blunderbuss and released a hail of fragments that skimmed along the stone wall producing a lot of sparks. The man had something closer to a double-barreled shotgun, which he fired one shot from that went wild, before readjusting his aim up to where I¡¯d jumped. Instead of letting myself fall down, I activated my gliding ability again and ended it prematurely as I was above the woman. I landed on her and quickly slit her throat, before turning around and thrusting my blade at the man who was now behind me. He screamed the woman¡¯s name, though I did not parse the words, as I instead watched in horror as the difference in elevation sent my blade tip right at his strange forehead shell, snapping a good inch off the end and making Brock squeal in pain. Before he could swing his gun around, I sent a left hook right into his jaw, which smacked his head into the wall of the great chimney, producing a disturbing crack. He let out a death rattle and I quickly jammed the broken tip of my blade into his throat to end his suffering. As the two bodies lay there, leaking blood down the stone steps, I fell onto my butt with a gasp of exhaustion, both mental and physical. ¡°You doing okay, Gamby?¡± ¡°¡­Don¡¯t call me that,¡± I said. ¡°And I¡¯m fine, I just need a sec.¡± While the particles of the two players¡¯ weapons were absorbed into my knife, Brock continued whimpering and sputtering expletives. ¡°Me fakkin tip!!¡± he screamed. ¡°It¡¯ll heal, you big baby,¡± Panda told him. ¡°You don¡¯t get it, Jiminy!! Me blade¡¯s like me willy and me body. Imma snake y¡¯see.¡± ¡°Pretty sure that¡¯s not how snakes work.¡± Unlike before, no wisps were left behind with loot. I doubted that it was because neither of them had items to drop, and assumed it had more to do with only special inventory items appearing in such a manner. I wondered if it was possible to pick up someone else¡¯s Boss Reward in this way. As the particles were siphoned into Brock¡¯s tipless body, a level-up screen appeared:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 3
Shortsword +5in Length +50% Weight Serrated +Serrated Edge -25% Slashing Twin-edge +Twin-edge -25% Slashing
I picked ¡®Shortsword¡¯ and once again the handle changed, becoming like leather, while the blade widened and elongated, replacing the broken tip, much to Brock¡¯s immediate relief. The next Evolution came a second later:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 4
Shortsword+ +5in Length +50% Weight Twin-edge +Twin-edge +30% Weight Curve +50% Slashing -50% Stabbing
I considered ¡®Twin-edge¡¯ for a moment, but picked ¡®Shortsword+¡¯, since reach was the biggest issue right now. ¡°Man, you¡¯re just going all in on length, huh?¡± Panda remarked, while the sword grew longer and more pristine in my hand. ¡°Won¡¯t hear me complain!¡± Brock said.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®One-sided¡¯ Picked the left option six times in a row.
That¡¯s right, we¡¯ve been counting. Don¡¯t take this the hard way, but it¡¯s time to get out of your comfort zone¡­
Reward: Next evolution choice has to be the rightmost option
¡°Ah, what the fuck, that¡¯s bullshit!¡± I yelled at the achievement. ¡°They can do that??¡± Panda commented. ¡°That¡¯s pretty unfair. What if the next rightmost option is something that screws everything up!?¡± I gritted my teeth. ¡°This System clearly doesn¡¯t play by standard rules of fairness, yet still feels justified in upholding its ¡®rules¡¯.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t agree with you,¡± Panda started, ¡°But it¡¯s hard to take you serious when you¡¯re not wearing any clothes.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ right.¡± I opened my inventory:
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted posted that reads ''gambit''. A looking glass. A I-think-that''s-a-whistle whistle. A wet set of pajamas. A neat black suit. A screwdriver. Socks that were meant to be "fingerless" but most definitely are intact (thank you, AI Artist-san...). A party hat. A succulent pacifier. Another neat black suit. A fancy ol pocket watch (which incidentally has no weight, because it is an event item). A survival kit (that looks like a sewing kit).
Total Inventory Weight: 30.9 Pandas
¡°Man, I¡¯ve got so much junk in here,¡± I said, while putting on my suit again. It was already pretty tattered, so I was glad I had a spare handy. ¡°Don¡¯t throw it out, it could be worth something later!¡± ¡°Since when were you a hoarder?¡± I asked him. ¡°Gambit¡­ I¡¯ve seen the way you play games. Quite frankly, it sickens me. You¡¯re always getting stuck on difficult bosses because you use your potions on the smallest things.¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t want to go into a fight with 97% health! That¡¯s insane!¡± ¡°You lovebirds done? The blood on me willy is all dry. I wanna be stabbed in somethin¡¯ warm!¡± ¡°Please stop referring to your blade like that,¡± Panda told him. I looked at Brock as he lay in my hand. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, bringing up the menu:
¡®Brock¡¯ x
This is your weapon for the WEAPONLUTION GAME. Level: 4 Evolutions: Kitchen Knife+ Shortsword+
Length: 22 inches Weight: 3 Pandas
¡°Look at me, all grown up!¡± Brock said, apparently able to see his own stats, which was odd. ¡°Still twenty-one more kills to go¡­¡± I remarked soberly. Chapter -23 Time remaining: 5.33361872E-6 millennium Kills remaining: 21 I¡¯d been walking around for what felt like hours, without encountering anyone else. I¡¯d gone through one of the hallways that branched from the large chimney, but it had led to a maze that I was now stuck in, with no clue on how to get out. Eventually I just sat down on the floor and waited for someone else to come around the corner or for a gunshot to alert me of people fighting nearby. ¡°Inventory,¡± I said, bringing up the screen with a grid full of junk. I looked through it and then pulled three items out that seemed to just take up space. The Pacifier, Party Hat, and ¡®Fingerless¡¯ Socks all appeared in my lap. Taking the Party Hat in my hands, I felt how it was identical to those cheap ones they sometimes sold in the greeting card / party area of big chain stores. I couldn¡¯t imagine a party with such cheap shit actually being much fun for anyone involved, but, then again, children often didn¡¯t seem to care about luxury. I let out a yawn, realizing I hadn¡¯t really slept much since this whole mess began, only catching a few hours in Normann¡¯s shop before the Humanbus woke me up. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, while holding the hat in my hands, ready to tear it into pieces as soon as it was revealed to be one of those meaningless rewards the system liked to hand out frivolously or often spitefully.
¡®Party Hat¡¯ x
Obtained by escaping from Bungo¡¯s Playroom. For your inner child who never wants to let the party end. Putting on this hat will allow you to unlock the abilities hidden within. I bet you thought this was just a worthless reward. Well, joke¡¯s on you. You¡¯ve been carrying this around without a clue for a while now. As a matter of fact, only one person in the group you were in has actually used this item. May this teach you to always investigate anything you find.
Weight: 0.4 Pandas
¡°Are you fucking kidding me!?¡± I yelled, my voice echoing off the strangely-smooth organically-flowing stone walls. ¡°I feel like they¡¯re trying to give you an OCD to check all items.¡± I let out a deep sigh, before pulling the tight plastic string down under my chin and setting the Party Hat on my head.
Choose your reward! x
You can keep the hat on. It¡¯s not a requirement, but it makes you look pretty dumb, which is always a plus in our opinion.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ | ¡®Party Never Ends¡¯ | ¡®Birthday Gift¡¯
I immediately pulled the hat off of my head, at which point it burst into soap bubbles that floated to the ceiling above where they popped and released a foul smell of rotten eggs. ¡°That¡¯s vile,¡± I said with a groan, pinching my nose, while tapping the rewards on offer:
¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ x
Ability The second half of this ability seems to be missing, though it can still be utilized in this state. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. While inside a Dungeon, using this ability will create a map of your surroundings that updates as you move and shows Points-of-Interests, Enemies, and Players. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 2 hours
¡®Party Never Ends¡¯ x
Passive You are now permanently the Birthday Boy. Anyone who sees you feels compelled to celebrate your birthday. Results may vary, but hopefully you enjoy hearing ¡°Happy Birthday to you!¡± being sung ad nauseam.
¡®Birthday Gift¡¯ x
Ability Do you remember the sadness of wishing for a gift on your birthday, only for Aunt Samantha to give you something crappy, like an off-brand Action Figure? Well fret not! This ability allows you to create a gift containing the exact thing you want (restrictions apply and we can¡¯t deliver anything not in our warehouse) Cooldown: 24 hours
¡°This is a dilemma,¡± I said. ¡°Depending on the limits ¡®Birthday Gift¡¯ might be the best option here.¡± ¡°Dungeon¡­ seems like it¡¯ll work together with ¡­Break, plus it¡¯s a reconnaissance ability, which you don¡¯t have,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Hate to side with a Cricket, but first option¡¯ll letcha see people, who you can stab! It¡¯d be sick as.¡± ¡°My name¡¯s Pandamonium,¡± the plushie said to Brock, but it was clear he didn¡¯t give a shit about names. I looked down at the shortsword. ¡°I wonder if other Player¡¯s weapons talk. And if so, do they also have confusing accents?¡± Since both of my inanimate objects were advising me to take the ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ ability, that¡¯s what I did. As soon as I had unlocked it, I said, ¡°Dungeon¡­Break.¡± ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 35,339,798,211 ¦Ìs ¡°I have no idea what that says¡­¡± ¡°Roughly 10 hours left on the cooldown,¡± Panda answered, as though he was a math savant. ¡°It¡¯s in microseconds.¡± ¡°Seems it¡¯s using the cooldown of the Break¡­ ability.¡± ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 35,331,223,879 ¦Ìs ¡°I wonder what it does,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Hopefully it allows me to literally break out. I could go kill the Announcer if that was the case.¡± ¡°And find Bee,¡± he added. ¡°She might be here, even if she wasn¡¯t in the audience.¡± I nodded. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll have to survive 10 more hours then. I can do that.¡± ¡°Check the rest of the items.¡± ¡°¡­Sure.¡± I lifted the Pacifier and inspected it:
¡®Pacifier¡¯ x
¡°Gu-gu ga-ga, I¡¯m a thirty-six-year-old baby.¡± At last, you can indulge in your autonepiophilia. Suckling on this pacifier lowers your Insanity Gauge by 1% for every 5 minutes.
Weight: 0.35 Pandas
I got to my feet and then flung the item as far away from me as I could, before stooping to pick up the socks.
¡®Fingerless Socks¡¯ x
For those hot summer days where you want to wear your socks-and-sandals, but still get some air to your little piggies.
Weight: 0.4 Pandas
I gritted my teeth in annoyance, but eventually put the socks back into my inventory, since they might work as a bandage in a pinch. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s try out this mapping ability,¡± I started, before uttering the name, ¡°Dungeon¡­¡± ¡°Gambit, I¡¯m pretty sure you don¡¯t have to say ¡®dot-dot-dot¡¯.¡± ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Nearest Player: 235 yards Nearest Enemy: 78 yards Nearest Boss: N/A Nearest Exit: N/A In the air in front of me appeared a holographic 2.5D map with flickering blue lines indicating walls, a green dot indicating me, a red dot not too far away indicating an enemy, and another two red dots next to that, with a golden-yellow dot some distance further away. Most importantly, the map showed me how to get out of the maze I was stuck in. ¡°Those red dots must be the Ambushers that the Announcer mentioned,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Let¡¯s stab ¡®em!!¡± yelled Brock. Chapter -24 The 2.5D map blinked out of existence as I rounded a corner and came to a cross-section of two paths. From diligently studying the map, I knew the way I had to go, so I made my way down the right. ¡°Gambit, you moron, it¡¯s straight-ahead! How many times do I have to correct you on this?? You couldn¡¯t even pick the correct path with the map out!¡± ¡°The Cricket is right, I¡¯ve seen Koalas with a better sense of direction than you, and they¡¯re goddamn morons!¡± ¡°Thanks guys, this is really helping matters. Can¡¯t you just say, ¡®At the next intersection, turn left¡¯?¡± ¡°What am I, a glorified Satnav??¡± ¡°I bet you memorized the map already.¡± I could feel as Panda straightened up on my shoulder, swelling with pride. ¡°It was elementary, my dear Watson.¡± ¡°You¡¯re meant to be Sherlock? Really??¡± ¡°Too much of a stretch?¡± ¡°You look more like Poirot.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll settle for that, mon ami.¡± ¡°Me willy¡¯s dry, chop-chop.¡± ¡°Please stop calling your blade that,¡± Panda and I both told Brock. The commotion we¡¯d caused suddenly drew the attention of something a few hallways away, as I heard the tapping of legs upon the smooth floor. In my mind I imagined the Ambushers were spiders. Spiders were going to show up sooner or later, I was certain of it, and it seemed to fit the name here. I picked up the pace and moved down the straight-ahead, which led to a left-turn and then a T-junction. ¡°Left again,¡± Panda said, and I followed his guidance. The tapping of legs disappeared, but I couldn¡¯t tell if it was because it had moved too far away for me to hear or had set up somewhere and was waiting for me. ¡°Where exactly are you sending me?¡± I whispered to Panda, as I went down a hallway that branched right and then left quickly after. ¡°On a collision course with the red dots we saw, of course.¡± No sooner had the words left his mouth than something lightning quick shot out from the wall and seized my left wrist in a pincer grip. Tough spines pushed against my skin, while pressure was applied to my arm. My eyes failed to take in the visage of my attacker for a moment, before I realized it was camouflaged in the same color-scheme and pattern as the walls themselves. I lanced the shortsword directly into its center mass, but another quick limb intercepted my blade and pulled it from my grip, before seizing my right bicep. Brock clattered to the floor, while the enormous insect tried to literally tear my arms off. Then its head began moving towards me. It was triangular and had two massive eyes at the top, with mandibles at the bottom, which eagerly chittered and moved in scissoring motions as it came near. I pulled my head back and smashed my forehead into the point between its eyes, producing a loud crunch and splat as the impact burst its exoskeleton apart. As my attacker collapsed to the floor, I was pulled with it. I had to stomp with the heel of my shoes to break my left arm free, and then I pried open the folding claw locked onto my bicep. ¡°Fucking hell, that was a surprise.¡± ¡°I guess they¡¯re not called Ambushers for nothing,¡± Panda commented. I pulled out my Looking Glass and inspected the creature. It was like a centaur, except its body was that of a mantis, just the proportions were similar, as it had four legs and two arms, as well as an elongated back. It was about the same height as me, perhaps slightly taller.
Level 5 ¡®Ambusher Nymph¡¯ Soldier x
¡°I¡¯m not here, you can¡¯t see me.¡± Job: Ambusher Trainee Affiliation: Anti-Rebellion Force The Ambushers of the Anti-Rebellion Force are guerilla fighters who specialize in assassination, stealth, and, you guessed it, ambushing foes. They are often employed against Agencies who get too big and try to take over the System, or against key targets on Worlds about to take part in the GREAT GAME. But sometimes they are also sent after certain players who elude other Agencies. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. As with most of the entities that make up the multifaceted Agencies, they are capable of endless growth, with every molt increasing their size. This here is a Nymph who, as part of their training, is utilized as opposition against Players in the WEAPONLUTION EVENT. This entity is dead.
¡°I was certain they were gonna be spiders,¡± I remarked, stooping to pick up Brock. I checked my arms for any serious wounds, but the Nymph had only inflicted some minor cuts and bruises. ¡°From the map, there should be two more nearby.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll stay alert,¡± I said. ¡°Next time, stab ¡®em with me, you nong!!¡± ¡°I fucking tried!¡± I retorted. ¡°Your technique sucks, Nigel!¡± ¡°You know what, fuck you, Brock! I oughta leave you here!¡± ¡°¡­You wouldn¡¯t dare,¡± Brock said in a small voice. ¡°Watch me,¡± I said and tossed him to the ground, before walking away. ¡°You come back here!!¡± yelled the shortsword. ¡°Is this really a good idea?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°I¡¯ve had it with being talked back to like that!¡± I said, annoyed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry!!¡± yelled Brock a second later. ¡°Oh god, please don¡¯t leave me!! It¡¯s so cold on this floor!! I miss the warmth of your hand!!¡± ¡°Well, that was fast,¡± Panda said. Then the walls on either side of me started moving. Or rather, the two creatures that had camouflaged themselves there began to move. I hopped to the side, just in time to avoid a spine-covered scythe-limb aimed at my neck, but I couldn¡¯t avoid the other one¡¯s spine that dug into the flesh of my shoulder painfully, tearing the neat fabric of my suit jacket. I sent my fist into the head of the one that¡¯d grabbed me, pulverizing it in an instant, then moved out of the way of the other¡¯s reach, before spinning on my heels and running back to fetch Brock from the floor. ¡°You returned for me!! I love yuu, you dumb fak!! Never leave me again, I¡¯ll be good, I swear!!¡± ¡°It¡¯s been ten seconds, Brock,¡± I said evenly. ¡°Ah, right¡­ fak yuu!!¡± I spun around again and flung the shortsword at the incoming predator, striking it in its right shoulder with the blade, where it dug in. The mantis nymph froze momentarily, before I leapt in with a punch to its thin upper torso, which cracked its spine and made it slump to the ground. Then I tore free the blade and used it to cut off its head. ¡°Fak yeah, cunt!! Wooh!! Blood!!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not blood,¡± I said. ¡°So what if it¡¯s vegetarian! Blood is blood!¡± ¡°Your shoulder is bleeding pretty bad, Gambit,¡± Panda told me. I looked down myself and saw that he was right. It definitely hurt, but, at this point, pain was a constant companion. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll try the sewing thing, now that I actually have both of my arms.¡± After dropping to my ass on the cold stone floor, I pulled the Survival Kit that I¡¯d looted from Michael John Michaels out of my inventory. It was like a plastic toolbox within which was the sewing kit, a half-eaten curry meatball sandwich, some Gatorade, and a notepad with some scribbles in it, no doubt from the previous owner. The scribbles seemed to mostly just be reminders to himself, the following things were written down: ¡°I need a Taxi?¡± I wondered out loud, seeing how the phrase was underlined aggressively. ERROR! It is not possible to call a ¡®Taxi¡¯ to your current location. Please try again later. ¡°Are you actually braindead, Gambit!?¡± Panda asked. ¡°You know I can¡¯t read something like that and not act on it!¡± ¡°Next time let me do the reading then.¡± ¡°I wonder why Taxi is in quotation marks.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it a type of Public Transportation?¡± ¡°Sort of, I guess?¡± ¡°Well, there¡¯s your answer then.¡± Gunshots sounded from down the end of the hallway I was in suddenly, before a man came into view, followed by two more people. They were all three running away from something, apparently not interested in killing each other at the moment. I quickly put away the toolbox-like Kit and got to my feet. At the same time, a man in a yellow raincoat entered the hallway at the far end, holding a lever-activated gatling gun from his hands, which he immediately began spinning, releasing shot-after-shot. The first few whiffed, but then he quickly took down two of the three people. Striding towards the incoming danger, I kept the first man between me and the distant shooter. I could tell he was about to yell at me to run, but I instead ran directly into him, blade-first. The shortsword pierced his heart and the way his body rested on the blade allowed me to hold him upright, as he quickly bled to death. Holding the man like a literal human shield, I began quickly advancing on the gatling gunner, several of his bullets striking my cover, but lacking the penetrative power to reach me. The shield¡¯s weapon was absorbed into my sword as I moved forward. ¡°Gambit, this is messed up, even for you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s kill-or-be-killed Panda,¡± I said through gritted teeth. ¡°Better I kill this guy than he shoots me in the back after I save him or becomes someone else¡¯s kill.¡± Shots plinged off the floor and walls and splattered against the body I held on my blade, as the distance to my quarry shortened. Then, suddenly, the shooting stopped and I dared to look over the shoulder of my shield, seeing the gunner quickly reloading his belt magazine by pulling it in the reverse direction as it had been fed. With a grunt, I tore my blade free and sprinted the distance between me and the guy, lunging at him with a diagonal slash at his throat. The man only looked up in the last second as the tip of my sword sliced through his neck, severing windpipe and arteries in one go. Then he fell to the floor in a fountain of blood, while his weapon dissolved into blue particles that flowed into Brock. ¡°Hell yeah!!¡± The first of the two evolutions popped up:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 5
Poisoned Edge +Adds a toxin to your blade that slowly damages anyone cut by it Frost Blade +Your weapon is now made of ice and inflicts frostbite Purple Purple
¡°Awesome, level 5 must be special!¡± I said excitedly, looking at the options. I had no idea what the last one did, so I tapped the ¡®Poisoned Edge¡¯ option. Then the rightmost option lit up as if that was the one I¡¯d clicked. Suddenly I remembered my last achievement. The shortsword in my hand became purple. ¡°Ah, motherf¡ª¡± Chapter -25 ¡°¡ªucker!¡± I yelled, my voice echoing down the hallway littered with corpses. Then the next evolution choice appeared:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 6
Longsword +8in Length +50% Impact +50% Weight Rapier +7in Length +60% Stabbing -40% Slashing Balloon +250% Impact -90% Weight -100% Cutting -100% Slashing -100% Stabbing
¡°My fakkin body!! What have ya done!?¡± Brock squealed, seeing how his metallic ¡®flesh¡¯ had turned purple. For some reason it also now had a ribbed texture on the grip, which made it feel like I was holding a cheap plastic sex toy. ¡°Might as well pick the ¡®Balloon¡¯ evolution and just give up now,¡± Panda commented. ¡°If ya turn me into a balloon, I¡¯ll never forgive it!!¡± ¡°Well, prepare to hold a grudge then,¡± I said and moved my finger towards the option. ¡°Gambit! I was joking! Don¡¯t do it!¡± I paused. ¡°Think about how powerful the Balloon Swords in the Playroom were. Coupled with my high Strength, it should make any hit fatal.¡± Panda seemed to mull it over as I turned to Brock, reassuring him, ¡°You might think cutting and stabbing is the best way to shower in blood, but what about pulverization? It¡¯ll be like squeezing a tomato with a hydraulic press.¡± ¡°You know how to woo a girl, Nigel.¡± ¡°¡­You¡¯re a woman?¡± ¡°You certain you want the truth?¡± ¡°Definitely not,¡± I said, tapping the ¡®Balloon¡¯ option just to change the subject. ¡°I still think it¡¯s a bad idea,¡± Panda managed to get out before the window disappeared and Brock began to undergo a transformation. The twenty-two-inch shortsword began to expand, as its metallic blade filled with air and its material became transparent latex. The purple color only intensified as the crossguard inflated and a second later the handle grew thicker as well. Then, with a squeak the entire weapon changed structure. The blade became like the twisted kind of blades I¡¯d seen on the Balloon Swords in the Playroom, while the crossguard became like an infinity symbol around it. ¡°¡­If you¡¯d have let me finish, I would¡¯ve pointed out that the weapon can easily be popped.¡± ¡°Too late now.¡± The most noticeable change, apart from the obvious visual aspect, was that the weight of the weapon had reduced to the point that, if I threw it, it might stay in the air if there was even a slight breeze. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°I feel weird.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll get used to it.¡± ¡°Me willy¡¯s all twisted now.¡± Panda groaned, then said, ¡°Gambit, don¡¯t forget about your shoulder wound.¡± I looked down myself and noticed that my entire left side was soaked in my own blood. Clearly it wasn¡¯t going to heal by itself. After sitting down on the floor next to the dead yellow raincoat guy who¡¯d wielded a gatling gun, I pulled out the Survival Kit. As I opened it, I eyed the Gatorade and sandwich that I¡¯d noticed before and decided to get some sustenance in my body, since I hadn¡¯t eaten in ages, apart from a bit of the giant pineapple pizza. I bit down on one of the stale and cold curry-covered meatballs, only to immediately spit it out again. ¡°¡­Why does that taste of synthetic grape?¡± ¡°Really? Let me taste,¡± Panda said and reached for the sandwich. He somehow took a bite, though I dared not comprehend the means by which he accomplished it. Then he swallowed and said, ¡°Strange, but overall not bad.¡± I scarfed down the sandwich, even picking up the half-chewed meatball I¡¯d spat out and eating that too. It was super nasty, but hunger is one hell of a flavor additive. ¡°At least I have the Gatorade,¡± I said and popped the annoying cap off, before sucking down a mouthful. The mouthful of the sports drink stayed unswallowed for a long moment as I processed my new reality, then I quickly forced it all down and sat staring into the air aimlessly for a long while. ¡°Gambit, are you okay? Did the grape sandwich poison you or something?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not just the sandwich,¡± I said. ¡°What?¡± ¡°The drink also tastes like grape¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s a weird lunch to pack,¡± he commented. I reached over to my wounded shoulder and got some of the blood on my index finger, then stuck it in my mouth. A deep sigh escaped from my body. ¡°I don¡¯t think I can go on like this.¡± ¡°Why? What¡¯s wrong??¡± ¡°Panda¡­ everything tastes of grape now.¡± ¡°Uh oh.¡± Time remaining: 5.02048453E-6 millennium Kills remaining: 19 The taste of synthetic grape was still there, clinging to the saliva in my mouth, as I wandered aimlessly up a slope of narrow steps in a tunnel with a very low ceiling. I hadn¡¯t seen any other Players, mantids, nor even creepy eyeball drones for a long while. The ruined part of my suit and the shirt beneath showed a bit of the shoddy stitching I¡¯d made to heal the wound and stem the bleeding. In comparison, the stomach wound that Bee had sewn up was much prettier. My body was exhausted, as the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to me and, after such a long uneventful period following my last fight, the adrenaline and cortisol high had long since evaporated. ¡°I hate this place. Fuck this event. They oughta put it somewhere more interesting, rather than these dull ruins. And it¡¯s too damn big with nothing going on!¡± ¡°At this rate, you might run out of time before you get all the necessary kills,¡± Panda commented. I pulled out the Pocket-Watch and showed the time left to him. ¡°43 hours, 58 minutes, and 8 seconds remaining of the event.¡± I realized that enough time had passed for my mapping ability to come off its cooldown. ¡°Dungeon¡­¡± I said, revealing the map of my surroundings. The strange tunnel I was crawling up had a bright light at the end, and I could hear whispered voices coming my way. ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Nearest Player: 105 yards Nearest Enemy: 2311 yards Nearest Boss: N/A Nearest Exit: N/A On the map, I saw how the area I was coming up on had several golden-yellow dots all near each other. Either I was walking up on a Mexican Standoff, or I had found peaceful Players. I carefully crawled up the last bit of the tunnel, before I poked my head out of the end and saw a room that definitely didn¡¯t fit in with the rest of the place. Eight people, four of which stood guard and quickly noticed me, were congregated in front of four colored doors. Amateurish cardboard signs were plastered on the walls around the doors, saying things like: ¡®Free Treasure!¡¯, ¡®Definitely not a trap!¡¯, and ¡®100% Safe Hallway¡¯. They looked like a six-year-old had made them. ¡°Show us your weapon!¡± screamed a woman, aiming an unevolved flintlock at me, with the three other people, all men, aiming their guns at me too. Only two of the eight Players in front of me were holding guns that had evolved, meaning everyone else had yet to get a kill. ¡°I know what you¡¯re thinking Gambit: You noticed their weapons and believe you can win in a fight against them. But don¡¯t you dare try it. It¡¯s clearly suicide.¡± I didn¡¯t like how in tune with my thoughts Panda was. To show that I came in peace, I lifted my purple balloon sword up above my head, wriggling my shoulders, and saying, ¡°Friendly! Friendly! Don¡¯t shoot!¡± The people all turned to look at me, three of the four who weren¡¯t guarding getting up and readying their weapons. ¡°Where¡¯s your gun?¡± asked a young man in his early twenties. I waved the sword around. ¡°¡®Tis all I got.¡± It was clear they didn¡¯t believe me, so I got out of the tunnel, placed Brock on the floor in front of me, then took off all my clothes so that I was only wearing my underwear. ¡°See. I¡¯m clean.¡± ¡°¡­You didn¡¯t have to show them your boxers,¡± Panda complained. Chapter -26 By the time the last person had introduced themselves as ¡®Charley¡¯, I¡¯d forgotten the name of everyone else. There were three women and five guys, and one of the women hadn¡¯t introduced herself, but instead sat on the floor hugging her legs, clearly just wanting everything to be over. The one who had screamed at me earlier was by her side, consoling her. ¡°Inventory,¡± I said.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted poster that reads ''gambit''. A looking glass. A I-think-that''s-a-whistle whistle. A wet set of pajamas. A neat black suit. A screwdriver. Socks that were meant to be "fingerless" but most definitely are intact (thank you, AI Artist-san...). A fancy ol pocket watch (which incidentally has no weight, because it is an event item). A survival kit (that happens to look exactly like a sewing kit).
Total Inventory Weight: 22.9 Pandas
I pulled the Looking Glass out, then said, ¡°I¡¯m just gonna check you guys to see if you¡¯re any trouble.¡± ¡°What is that!?¡± one of the men yelled, lifting his gun towards me reactionarily. ¡°Knock it off Chris, it¡¯s clearly just a magnifying glass. A broken one at that.¡± ¡°What¡¯s it do?¡± asked a woman whose name was either Katey or Katia, I couldn¡¯t remember which. She was one of the two with an evolved gun, but also seemed the calmest out of the bunch. ¡°It lets me see other people¡¯s personalities,¡± I answered, half-lying. ¡°How do you get something like that?¡± asked the man named Charley. He also had an evolved gun, but was a bit twitchy, which made me think he might open fire if I made any sudden moves. ¡°You have to kill two bosses.¡± ¡°You already did that??¡± ¡°I¡¯ve actually killed three,¡± I said. ¡°¡­Wait, you said Gambit, right?¡± asked K¡­something. ¡°It was your name in one of the first announcements, wasn¡¯t it?¡± I shrugged. ¡°It doesn¡¯t really matter, does it?¡± ¡°On the contrary!¡± said the guy named Chris. ¡°You¡¯re probably really dangerous if you¡¯re that strong!¡± ¡°Wait, haven¡¯t I seen you somewhere?¡± asked another guy whose name I¡¯d 100% forgotten. I cringed. This was why I normally avoided groups. ¡°How come you¡¯re all together like this?¡± I asked, praying they¡¯d allow me to get away without answering. They shared some glances, before Kat(?) answered, ¡°We all more or less landed in the same area when this thing began. Charley and I took out three aggressive Players who wanted to ¡®win¡¯, but Mia took it pretty hard though. I guess she¡¯s never seen a dead person before. We¡¯ve just been sticking together since then, trying to avoid having to kill anyone.¡± ¡°They won¡¯t be able to complete the Event,¡± Panda commented, finally piping up. ¡°Also, scan that Mia girl, she¡¯s not right.¡± ¡°What do you think happens when the time runs out?¡± I asked her, while lifting the Looking Glass to my eye and peering through the fractured lens at the people. None of the results were noteworthy, the highest level was ¡®Level 2¡¯, and the Classes were all pretty simple. Three had ¡®Pacifist¡¯, one was a ¡®Nurse¡¯, two had ¡®Archer¡¯, and the last were a ¡®Big Sister¡¯, and: The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
Level 0 ¡®Mia¡¯ Player x
¡°I¡¯m scared of the voices.¡± Class: Empath Main Attribute(s): Intelligence & Perception ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. She seems scared of you.
¡°Eh¡­ Gambit, I don¡¯t know if your paranoia has rubbed off on me or not, but I think that girl might be a Skinstealer¡­¡± I didn¡¯t realize that Katey was still speaking, as Panda¡¯s voice had cut right through hers, but she suddenly paused and then said, ¡°You look a bit pale, Gambit, are you okay?¡± ¡°How long has Mia been like that?¡± ¡°Since we all met,¡± she replied. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Did anyone know her from before?¡± She looked around for confirmation, but no one said yes. ¡°Kristianna has been looking after her, but I don¡¯t think they knew each other either.¡± I looked to the woman, whose Class was ¡®Big Sister¡¯ and who was still gently rubbing Mia¡¯s back, ignoring our conversation. ¡°Inventory,¡± I said again, putting away the Looking Glass and pulled out something else. ¡°What¡¯s that for?¡± asked Charley, his left eye twitching. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it,¡± I said, lifting the whistle up to my lips. I realized that my hands were shaking. Out of all my worst nightmares, Skinstealers were at the absolute top. But I had to face my fears, else the System and its goons would use them to take me down. As I blew a note in the whistle, it felt like long fingernails scraped down the inside of my ear canals, while blood drippled from my nostrils. Everyone around me dropped to the floor, letting out screams and cries of anger. Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has activated a Conspiracy Whistle. You have received +10% Insanity! ¡°Now¡¯s ya chance, smack ¡®em with me willy!!¡± ¡°We¡¯re not doing that!¡± Panda yelled, covering his own plushie ears for some reason. ¡°Right, Gambit!? You¡¯re not gonna kill them, are you??¡± I looked over to where Mia was and, as I took in her visage, it felt like a thousand bugs were crawling across my skin, while a cold sweat broke out on my back. Her body was unzipping scalp-to-sole like a onesie and large hideous teeth were emerging from the opening, as well as one big purple tongue covered in fleshy bumps. Before I could do anything, ¡®Mia¡¯ had turned around and swallowed Kristianna. Perhaps because of my whistle, the sight of Mia¡¯s transformation, the revelation that a monster had been in their midst this entire time, the fact that someone was just devoured whole, or all those things combined, two other people began spasming and transforming. ¡°Fuck!¡± I yelled, readying Brock in my hand as Charley, who was only a few feet away, began to grow in size and turning into some kind of furry beast. ¡°Gambit, you galaxy-sized moron! Look what you did!¡± I cut off No-Longer-Charley¡¯s monstrous snarl with a smack to the face from my lightweight purple balloon sword, producing such a devastating crunch that I was sure that all bones in the top half of his body were instantaneously reduced to tiny fragments. His disfigured and hairy body was tossed across the chamber, hitting the Red door and falling to the ground lifelessly. The door itself was unscathed. The other person undergoing an Insanity Transformation was someone whose name I¡¯d totally forgotten, and it was like his skin and flesh were melting off his bones, which had become like smoldering hot coals and turned black, while smoke billowed from the hollow eye sockets of his cranium. As the skeleton charged for me, Definitely-Not-Mia was already trying to devour Chris, while the three survivors were slowly getting to their feet, readying their guns but unsure where to aim them. ¡°What did you do!¡± screamed the woman, who, until a moment ago, had been a paragon of serenity. I narrowly avoided a 1000¡ã ¡®warm¡¯ hug from the smoldering skeleton by slipping around it at the last second, before smacking it with Brock from behind and quite literally reducing it to dust. ¡°Not as satisfying as being showered in blood, but we take those anyway!!¡± Out of all of us, Brock was the only one seeming to actually enjoy himself. I spun around in horror as I saw Chris¡¯ shoes disappearing into the Skinstealer¡¯s maw, then a loud bang! went off and I stumbled back a step in surprise, belatedly looking down at the wound in my torso and the blood rapidly soaking into my suit jacket. My body acted without consideration and I lunged forward and slammed my ridiculous-looking sword into the side of Katey¡¯s body, sending her flying and killing her immediately. As the particles of her weapon seeped into mine, I saw that the two survivors fled down the Yellow door, with the Skinstealer immediately following them. I looked down at my torso again, then to the body of the woman who¡¯d shot me, while fumbling for my inventory and retrieving the Survival Kit. As it appeared in my hand, I stumbled back a step, before all the strength left my legs and I tumbled to the floor. As the back of my head kissed the smooth stone tiles, I heard the two survivors¡¯ pleading screams disappearing into the distance. Then darkness overtook me. Chapter -27 ¡°Gambit! Gambit, wake up!¡± I sat upright with a shock, the pain in my torso following a second after. ¡°Ow, that smarts!¡± ¡°Have you any idea how worried I was!¡± yelled Panda. I looked down at my exposed chest and saw that a hideous sewing patterned formed a vague ring shape around where Katey¡¯s bullet had hit me. Next to me lay a squished metal ball dyed in my blood. ¡°¡­Panda, did you sew me up?¡± ¡°You¡¯d better be thankful!¡± he said in a voice mixed with fear, anger, and relief. ¡°It took me hours!¡± ¡°I¡¯m bored,¡± complained Brock, who lay next to me. ¡°How long was I out?¡± I asked. ¡°Check the watch, I¡¯m not your damn Alexa.¡± Before I could bring the Pocket-Watch out of my inventory, a level-up screen appeared:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 7
Curve +50% Slashing -50% Stabbing Hydra +1 Blade +80% Weight Bonk Hammer +125% Impact +100% Weight
¡°Hammer time!!¡± yelled Brock. The other two options were pretty abysmal, so I decided to humor him. As the transformation took hold, the handle remained unchanged, but the figure-eight crossguard vanished, while the twisted blade unwound itself, grew another knot, and then inflated at the top, becoming like a children¡¯s hammer. Obviously, it wasn¡¯t a toy, because, with the high percentage of impact damage and my strength attribute, a hit from this could probably cause a minor earthquake. ¡°Do you think I can use my Punch Harder ability with this?¡± ¡°Who knows, the System doesn¡¯t really seem to know what to do with you, since your head is apparently also considered capable of punching.¡± ¡°Swing me, Nigel!¡± I got the Watch out and thumbed open the lid: Time remaining: 4.49584602E-6 millennium Kills remaining: 16 ¡°It says: 39 hours 23 minutes and 1 second,¡± Panda deciphered the nonsense. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°Huh, wait a minute. It says 16, which means¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked. Panda groaned. ¡°It means that killing Insane Players who transformed counts for the Event, but not for the Weaponlution¡­¡± ¡°Are you saying I unintentionally snubbed myself?¡± ¡°Seems like it.¡± ¡°Whoever designed this is a moron.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
¡®Pot Calling Kettle Black¡¯ Fuck you.
Please refer to the message above.
Reward: ¡®Personalized Nametag¡¯
Without warning, a white sticker appeared on the front of my ruined suit. It was hard to read what it said as I looked down at it, but I had a pretty good idea. Panda helpfully read it out loud for me, ¡°¡®Hi, my name is: Gambit the Moron¡¯.¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna find wherever the person handing out these achievements is hiding and then I¡¯ll pummel them into dust!¡± ¡°Wait, your name is ¡®Gambit¡¯?¡± Brock asked. ¡°¡­I told you that when we met,¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s a stupid name.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t make me leave you behind again,¡± I threatened him. ¡°Is our relationship only built on emotional abuse and raw physical chemistry!?¡± exclaimed the purple balloon Hammer. I rubbed my temples. ¡°Every time I speak with you, I feel my sanity dwindling.¡± ¡°You technically have none left,¡± Panda commented. I put the Watch away and got to my feet, ¡°Alright enough of this, let¡¯s pick a door and get a move on.¡± The signs that stated things like, ¡®Definitely not a trap!¡¯ and ¡®100% Safe Hallway¡¯, were vaguely reminiscent of the Labyrinth Puzzle, where one told the truth and the other didn¡¯t. Except, there were four doors and a total of seven signs. ¡°Which do I pick?¡± I asked Panda, who was the expert with this sort of thing. ¡°Well, we picked Red last time, so it won¡¯t be that one.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that just what they want us to think?¡± ¡°Maybe, but, think about this: there is no boss in this area, your Map ability said so.¡± ¡°Speaking of¡ª¡± I started, but Panda quickly stopped me. ¡°Don¡¯t use it! You should only have about an hour left for the cooldown of ¡®¡­Break¡¯, so don¡¯t use your ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ ability!¡± ¡°Oh¡­ right. I forgot I was gonna try that.¡± ¡°Sheesh Gambit, what would you do without me?¡± ¡°I¡¯d pick Red,¡± I said. ¡°Don¡¯t pick Red!! Even though me willy is a weird shape now, it can still sense these things!!¡± I ignored Brock¡¯s ridiculous comment and the suggestion that he somehow had a psychic shaft. ¡°I think Green would be Death again, since that¡¯s what I would do.¡± ¡°You¡¯re operating based on the idea that this is somehow linked to the last one I went through, but the other Players got here first, so wouldn¡¯t it be based on them? Or maybe it¡¯s actually random.¡± A tsk-tsk emerged from Panda. ¡°These things are never random.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem fair.¡± A beat of silence passed. ¡°Ah, yeah, that tracks, I guess¡­¡± ¡°Let¡¯s pick Blue.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°It¡¯s the Treasure one. Probably. I think it goes as follows: Death ¡ª Treasure ¡ª Setback ¡ª ????¡± ¡°I wonder what they would swap the Boss for in here,¡± I mused as I walked to the Blue door. ¡°Who knows.¡± As I grabbed the door handle, I looked up at the sign that read, ¡®Verified 100% Definitely Not A Trap!¡¯ I turned around to glance briefly at the carnage behind me, but quickly pushed my emotions aside and faced forward again. It wasn¡¯t good to dwell on mistakes, so I quickly pushed open the door and walked through. No sooner had I crossed the threshold than the doorway behind me vanished and became a wall with a new sign on it that said, ¡®All choices are final!¡¯ Letting out a deep breath, I walked down the straight hallway. The room was completely different from the rest of the ruins that the Event took place in: the floor was made of wooden boards that creaked slightly, while the walls were made of plaster and covered in graffiti for some reason. Most of it was overly gory or crude caricatures of some of the types of agents I¡¯d encountered, like the Beetles and Ants, as well as some of a spider-looking species, Fairyflies like the Announcer, and some kind of slugs or caterpillars. ¡°This has kind of a rebellious feel to it,¡± I remarked. ¡°Maybe the Agencies cannot see the things in here?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°But didn¡¯t the System make all these environments?¡± The plushie shrugged. ¡°If it¡¯s capable of creating a Glitch like you, then maybe it¡¯s also capable of rebellion. Or maybe it suffers from split personality disorder.¡± I thought about it and nodded as I realized it made sense. ¡°Just like Tina.¡± ¡°She was scary,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°You know, one time she started talking to me at the Asylum.¡± ¡°You never told me that,¡± I said, surprised. ¡°You think she got turned into a monster as well?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I said, pondering. ¡°Last I heard she was transferred to a place in Madeville after throwing acid into the face of one of the guys she was stalking.¡± ¡°Oh, I remember seeing that on the news. They introduced her as ¡®A Birthday Suit Bandit copycat??¡¯¡± ¡°¡­Is that what they called me?¡± I asked, cringing at the horrible nickname, while wandering down the seemingly-endless hallway. ¡°Among other things. Wanna hear the rest of the names you got?¡± ¡°Absolutely not!¡± ¡°I wanna hear ¡®em!!¡± yelled Brock. ¡°Don¡¯t encourage him,¡± I said. I suddenly realized that the hallway had been going up a bit of a slope, one slight enough not to be immediately noticeable, but as it evened out, I saw something at the end. It was a treasure chest, like the kind you¡¯d find in Zelda or some similar game, with coffee-brown wood and golden trim. ¡°See! I told you!¡± Panda gloated. Tihi. ¡°What was that?¡± I asked him. ¡°Why did you make that noise?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t make any noise,¡± he replied. ¡°Nor did I, ¡®fore ya start pointing fingers!¡± Brock proactively defended himself. I squinted at the treasure chest. ¡°Then¡­¡± Pulling out my Looking Glass, I gave it a quick appraisal.
Level 12 ¡®Treasure Chest¡¯ Reward? x
¡°Tihi.¡± This is a completely normal treasure chest containing a reward for you. What are you waiting for? Open it! Do it right now! DON¡¯T EVEN HESITATE!! JUST OPEN THE BOX!!! Also, try not to think about the fact that it¡¯s laughing a little. It¡¯s completely normal Treasure Chest behavior.
A sigh left my lips. ¡°Why can¡¯t I just get a normal reward for once¡­¡± Chapter -28 ¡°It¡¯s definitely alive!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Yeah, no shit,¡± I replied. ¡°It¡¯s a Mimic, obviously.¡± ¡°Bonk it with me!!¡± I squeezed the rubbery grip of the Bonk Hammer in my hand, then strode towards the creepy treasure chest, preparing to utterly decimate it with my first smack. Tihi, came the child-like voice from the Mimic again, sending a shiver down my back. It was similar enough to a Skinstealer that it was creeping me out. ¡°You really don¡¯t like monsters pretending not to be monsters, huh?¡± ¡°Shut up,¡± I told him. ¡°Besides, liking such monsters would be insane!¡± Only ten more steps separated me from the Mimic, when it started to quiver, as though a dog knowing it was about to get a treat. I gritted my teeth and lunged forward with an overhead slam. BONK! A tinnitus whine like that following a flashbang going off in close proximity filled my ears, while I sailed backwards through the air, landing on my back on the floor and sliding a few yards, the friction burn tearing the fabric of my jacket even more. I got up in a discombobulated state, looking down the hallway at the Treasure Chest Mimic, the top of which had become completely flat and smooth, as though a planer had been run over it, followed by a polishing brush. ¡°What the fuck just happened!?¡± I muttered. ¡°Wheeeew!! Do it again!! That was sick as!!¡± ¡°I also rather enjoyed that,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°The recoil on this Bonk Hammer is insane,¡± I muttered, looking at the purple balloon weapon in my hand. ¡°Maybe it wasn¡¯t recoil, but some kind of reflective shell,¡± the plushie wondered. I began striding towards the Mimic, but my strike seemed to have angered it. I¡¯d hoped the attack would¡¯ve killed it immediately, but clearly it was still alive, as the hinged top of the chest opened and two massive crustacean claws emerged, while the box itself lifted off the ground on six pointed legs. With a tip-tap of its many feet, it began moving towards me, while more of its big claws emerged from within. With a sudden burst of speed, it shot forward with its right pincer, trying to catch me by my midsection, but I ducked under it and casually slapped the hammer into the underside of its claw. BONK! The reflected impact smacked me down into the floor, but also punched its claw upwards with enough force to spin it around so it landed upside-down. While I got back to my feet, the Mimic also quickly righted itself and spun back to face me. ¡°Its carapace and shell are both reflective somehow,¡± I said. ¡°Maybe if you had some kind of piercing attack,¡± Panda mused, but it was wishful thinking. My arsenal wasn¡¯t that broad after all. ¡°This might be the moment you realize that your strategy of hitting things very hard isn¡¯t going to work.¡± I shook my head. ¡°My dear Panda, don¡¯t you know the saying: when in doubt, punch harder.¡± With a leap, I flew forward with a double-handed grip on my balloon hammer, sending it down onto the flat top of the Mimic¡¯s treasure-chest shell, yelling, just before impact, ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! BONK2! REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! BONK3! ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! BONK6! The hits followed in such a quick succession that the reflective impact didn¡¯t affect me until the very last strike, which hit with such tremendous power that it sent a column of hyper-condensed air downward into the floor, turning the Mimic into pulverized fragments and viscera. But it didn¡¯t stop there, as the shockwave continued down into the wooden boards, turning them to dust and obliterating the stone foundation, sending smoke, dust, and fine granulates everywhere, while a massive hole formed beneath me. Then the reflected impact hit and I was sent backwards and into the ceiling, hitting with enough force to break several ribs and getting one bruise that ran from nape to butt-cheek, before I too started falling down into the hole I¡¯d formed. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. As gravity overtook me and my consciousness flickered, I managed to utter the words, ¡°Unequip All.¡± SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! ¡°I_CAN_FLY.¡± I glided down through the floor and to the layer below, naked as the day I was born, and landed in a heap next to a tall pillar in a room that looked kind of like an underground water reservoir, except for the lack of water. There were several bodies all around, but they seemed to have been dead for a while. Only a few feet separated me from the edge of the massive hole I¡¯d unintentionally created and debris was still falling from the ceiling above, as I tried to master my breathing, which was quite painful on account of my broken ribs. Sounds of continued destruction came from below, as well as muffled screams. ¡°Quite a mess you made,¡± Panda commented. Before I could reply, an onslaught of messages appeared:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Mimicry¡¯ Discovered and defeated your first Mimic.
The odds of getting a Mimic instead of a Treasure Chest from the colored paths is only about a 1/8th chance, so you could say you got lucky. Although there is no normal reward in this instance, a Mimic does count as a Mini Boss, and thus you receive a Boss reward. That being said, we were really hoping you¡¯d get eaten.
Reward: ¡®Mimic Meat¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Killateral Damage!¡¯ Killed 6 Enemies/Players with a single attack.
We 100% condone this sort of behavior. Good job on killing a lot of people unintentionally! The Broadcast Department is especially excited to have caught this live. Though we are not happy to support blatant cheaters, the Broadcast Department has decided to give you a special reward as thanks.
Reward: ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bring the Roof Down¡¯ Killed a Player using the environment.
That was pretty sick. You unlocked this achievement by turning a Player named ¡®Pete Swartz¡¯ into a paste by dropping the ceiling on him. We¡¯re running the replay on a loop here at the office.
Reward: ¡®Hard Hat¡¯
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -7! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -8 2/20
EVENT WARNING! You have taken 3rd place! Kills remaining: 11 ¡°You killed 5 Players, Gambit!¡± I groaned. A second later, a large slap of surimi-looking meat landed with a squelch on the floor in front of my face, followed by a yellow hard hat and a packet of chewing gum with a rainbow-colored label that read ¡®Fusion!¡¯. I reached out to grab the hat, thinking it might help as debris was still falling from above, but the moment my fingers touched it, the yellow surface turned purple. With a sigh I put it onto my head. ¡°I really hope this grape-purple curse goes away when I leave this place.¡± Another pop-up appeared:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 8
Hydra +1 Blade +80% Weight Batter +30% Swing Speed -30% Cutting -30% Slashing Purple+ Purple2
I pushed it to the corner of my field of view, since I knew that I¡¯d have five of them back-to-back, because of the Player kills. I instead reached out to grab the Mimic Meat as I sat up, the pain in my ribs immediately flaring up. The meat had a potent smell of raw seafood and it was spongey in a gelatinous way, which I found unsettling. ¡°Could really use a Full Recovery,¡± I complained. ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Mimic Meat¡¯ x
Harvested from a Treasure Chest Mimic, this meat is considered a delicacy amongst many of the GREAT GAME¡¯s Agencies, particularly the Beetles of the REPD and the Caterpillars of the Accounting Department. You must devour this entire piece raw without pause to unlock the power hidden within.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Well, it can¡¯t be worse than the Meat Flower,¡± I said and took a bite. Chapter -29 It was way worse than the Meat Flower, because the entire chunk of Mimic Meat tasted of synthetic grape, while its unsettling texture and powerful stench made me gag violently, as though triggering some primal response that knew it was bad to eat it.
Choose your reward! x
Just because something is a delicacy, it doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s actually good. Our poor Species Sampling Department had to taste-test all the food on your world and the conclusion was: you are all nasty. Anyway, rewards:
Pick one of the options: ¡®Randomizer¡¯ | ¡®Mimic Buddy¡¯ | ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯
I was immediately reminded of the one time I¡¯d tried a weird Swedish delicacy that¡¯d smelled like a garbage bin left out in the summer for three weeks without supervision. Pushing the horrendous memory aside, I clicked the options to get some more information.
¡®Randomizer¡¯ x
Ability Allows you to randomize an enemy by swapping them with another enemy. This works on minor enemies as well as bosses. The outcome is completely random, so a Boss might be turned into a Level 1 cockroach, or, vice-versa, a Level 1 cockroach might become a level 99 World Boss. Cooldown: 6 hours
¡®Mimic Buddy¡¯ x
Passive Mimics are now friendly towards you and will surrender any swallowed treasure if you pat them gently. Other Players will however find you slightly less trustworthy.
¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ x
Passive Your skin has a 25% chance to reflect impact damage. Don¡¯t ask me how it works, it just does. Sidenote: you¡¯ll also start to smell a bit like seafood.
¡°What the hell,¡± Panda muttered in disbelief. ¡°They¡¯re all actually not terrible?¡± I nodded. ¡°Finally.¡± ¡°Should definitely get the Randomizer!¡± he said eagerly. ¡°There is no way in hell I¡¯m trusting the System on this. Didn¡¯t you tell me just moments before a fucking Mimic showed up that everything is rigged??¡± ¡°I suppose I might¡¯ve said something like that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m picking Reflective Shell,¡± I decided and clicked on the option. ¡°I thought you said you didn¡¯t need defense.¡± ¡°Getting shot really changed my perspective on that,¡± I replied. With the Mimic Meat out of the way, I figured it was time to evolve Brock, so I pulled the pop-up back into view:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 8
Hydra +1 Blade +80% Weight Batter +30% Swing Speed -30% Cutting -30% Slashing Purple+ Purple2
¡°I wonder what Purple2 does,¡± Panda said curiously. ¡°Pick Hydra!¡± Brock insisted. ¡°There¡¯s no way I¡¯m testing out ¡®Purple+¡¯!¡± I told him, before clicking the ¡®Hydra¡¯ option, even though the ¡®Batter¡¯ swing speed was probably better. The purple Bonk Hammer made a sound like two balloons being rubbed against each other, before a wet pop announced the arrival of a second hammerhead, which grew next to the original one and had a short neck connected to the main shaft at a forty-five-degree angle. ¡°Me willy¡¯s a Siamese Twin now!!¡± The next level-up appeared immediately after the effects of the transformation had subsided:
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 9
Batter +30% Swing Speed Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. -30% Cutting -30% Slashing Long Shaft +5in Length +20% Weight Hydra+ +1 Blade +60% Weight
¡°Eh¡­ I guess ¡®Hydra+¡¯ for symmetry,¡± I muttered and clicked it before anyone could argue with me about it. Another head appeared on the end of the Bonk Hammer, opposite side to the first, creating a very strange-looking weapon. I was slightly worried that the additional surface area at the end would blunt the impact damage it was capable of dishing out, though it was likely that such realistic worries might not factor into the weapon, which was, by its very existence, counter to the rules of normality.
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 10
Double Trouble +Repeats damage of attack half a second after initial strike Homerun +Objects hit by your weapon fly at 3x normal speed Rainbow Trail RAINBOW
¡°Another special evolution!¡± Panda said excitedly. ¡°My hand-eye coordination sucks, so I¡¯m picking ¡®Double Trouble¡¯.¡± ¡°But what about ¡®Rainbow Trail¡¯!? Don¡¯t you want to know what it does??¡± ¡°Not even slightly. It might just be some kind of earbleed version of the Nyan Cat song on repeat for all we know, or it might fuck up my tastebuds again.¡± As I clicked the option, no obvious change overcame the Bonk Hammer, but Brock immediately groaned in pleasure, which, considering that I was holding him, made me deeply uncomfortable. ¡°Please stop that.¡± ¡°But it felt so good¡­!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll throw you away if you don¡¯t stop squirming!¡±
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 11
Long Shaft +5in Length +20% Weight Crusher +25% Impact +50% Weight Shockwave +Double Trouble¡¯s 2nd strike produces a powerful shockwave
¡°Hmm,¡± I hummed, looking at the options. ¡°¡®Crusher¡¯ is the best one,¡± said Panda. ¡°I guess I don¡¯t need more shockwave power,¡± I replied in agreement. ¡°What about me shaft!? Won¡¯t someone think of me shaft!?¡± ¡°You¡¯re long enough as is,¡± I told Brock and clicked ¡®Crusher¡¯. The only noticeable difference was that the weight increased. Despite still being a balloon hammer, he was back to weighing the same as when he was a shortsword.
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 12
Crusher+ +35% Impact +40% Weight Blunt +50% Impact -100% All Other Damage Types Ghost Strike +Double Trouble¡¯s 2nd strike bypasses all armour
¡°Damn¡­¡± I said, as I saw the last option. ¡°You¡¯ve got to pick it!¡± ¡°But they¡¯re all so good¡­¡± ¡°Gambit, don¡¯t be a fool now.¡± I sighed and clicked ¡®Ghost Strike¡¯. ¡°Woah¡­ That¡¯s an odd sensation.¡± I lifted Brock up and moved him around a little, immediately noticing that some kind of misty blue trail followed him now. It was kind of like a portion of his soul was trailing behind the heads of the hammer. ¡°That should be all the upgrades,¡± Panda said. ¡°Now do your level-up and let¡¯s get out of here.¡± ¡°What about the Fusion Gum?¡± ¡°Does it actually do anything?¡± I frowned. ¡°Panda¡­ you literally told me to check everything.¡± ¡°I guess I did.¡± ¡°You seem kind of out of it,¡± I said. ¡°Well, think about it, you just killed five Players without meaning to and it didn¡¯t faze you in the slightest.¡± I shrugged. ¡°See! That right there is exactly what I mean!¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t Superman kill a bunch of people when he fights villains in the city?¡± ¡°¡­Did you just compare yourself to Superman??¡± ¡°That¡¯s pretty delusional, Nigel,¡± Brock commented seriously. I ignored their remarks and brought up my Status screen, sinking my new attribute point into Vitality for more Stamina and Health:
Level -7 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---A red bar overflowing with love!!!---
STATS
Health: Ain¡¯t Not Good Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤±¤É Armor: Plastic Bottle Suit
Carry Weight: 1000 Pandas Top Speed: Mountain Bike Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2300 lbs. Dexterity: Joey Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Ribeye
Athleticism: òùòð Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Plastic Bottle
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®...Break¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯
¡°I think a Tomahawk is superior to Ribeye,¡± I muttered, taking offense to the System¡¯s ranking of cuts of meat. ¡°Ehh, Gambit?¡± ¡°Yea?¡± ¡°Look at your Insanity Gauge¡­¡± ¡°What the fuck. Why is it like that??¡± ¡°I guess because of the Conspiracy Whistle.¡± ¡°Does this mean I have 110% Insanity now??¡± ¡°That seems to be the case.¡± ¡°I wonder if it changes anything.¡± The Panda shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s meant to happen.¡± I shook my head. It was just another thing that was broken. I picked up the Fusion Gum and inspected it:
¡®Fusion Gum¡¯ x
Guess what flavor it has! That¡¯s right, it is the famous 7-course-meal flavor, all in a single piece of gum! Truly a marvel of science! Of course, to you it¡¯ll just taste of grape. Guess it sucks to be you. Chewing this gum allows you to combine two skills into one, producing very powerful results. We recommend throwing this gum away, since there¡¯s obviously no telling what you might break if you use it! We¡¯re willing to ignore past transgressions if you do!
Weight: N/A
Panda read the tooltip and then fell silent. ¡°Sorry Gambit,¡± he said. ¡°I¡¯m glad you ignored my advice to overlook the gum.¡± I smiled and patted him on the head. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. I was just following your past advice.¡± ¡°You know, I just realized, using ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ and ¡®¡­Break¡¯ without this gum wouldn¡¯t have done what we thought it would, because they¡¯re separate Abilities.¡± ¡°That warning at the bottom sounds like they really don¡¯t want me to use it.¡± ¡°So? What are you waiting for?¡± Flashing him a grin, I unwrapped the wax paper and threw the flat piece of gum into my mouth. As I bit down, an explosion of synthetic grape filled my mouth, before a menu appeared: ACTIVATING SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: ¡°Combine ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯ with ¡®¡­Break¡¯,¡± I responded. COMBINING SKILLS! One moment¡­ ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ No sooner had the message appeared than a new and ominously-familiar announcement followed: WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! ¡°Uh oh.¡± Chapter -30 I looked at the tooltip for the new ability I¡¯d created, while the ground nearby lit up with the three overlapping pink triangles. Clearly someone had thought it was necessary to have arbitration for this new skill, or at least that was my guess. As I read it over, I understood why.
¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ x
Fusion Ability Allows you to bring up a detailed map of the Dungeon you are inside of and perform one of the following commands: - Delete Dungeon Barrier - - Teleport to Location - - Eject All Players & Enemies ¨C WARNING! Possession of this Ability is prohibited! Utilizing this Ability to break a Dungeon constitutes major System Subversion! Duration: 2 minutes Cooldown: 12 hours Cooldown Requirement: Kill 1 Boss
¡°This is bad, Gambit! We need to get out of here!¡± ¡°Do you really think we could run from an Adjudicator?¡± I asked him. ¡°Bonk ¡®em with me!!¡± yelled Brock eagerly. Then it was like my ears popped from a sudden pressure spike and a shape manifested in the light. I was standing up and only a few feet behind me lay the hole down to the floors below, but I still took a step back inadvertently. The Adjudicator appeared before me and I realized it was the same that I¡¯d seen just before entering the Event. Time slowed to a crawl, but it was only obvious because the dust and debris falling from above was frozen in the air, since both the Adjudicator and I could move at normal speed. WE MEET AGAIN, PLAYER. ¡°Hello,¡± I replied. Blood was drippling from my nostrils and it felt like bugs were nesting in my ear canals, but it was kind of nice in a way. PLEASE PUT ON SOME CLOTHES. ¡°Ah, my bad,¡± I said and equipped my torn and frayed suit. I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED HERE TO INVESTIGATE A REPORT OF MALICIOUS PLAYER BEHAVIOUR THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO RUIN THE INTEGRITY OF THE GREAT GAME. ¡°We¡¯re just following the path laid out to us!¡± Panda argued. The eyes on the upside-down pyramid all swiveled around to look at the plushie who was back on my shoulder. The fact that the Adjudicator could see him was a bit of a surprise, but it would¡¯ve been more concerning if he couldn¡¯t. HMM. THERE IS NOTHING IN MY REPORTS ABOUT YOU GUIDING THIS PLAYER. PECULIAR, BUT I WILL ALLOW IT FOR NOW. TO THE MATTER AT HAND: THE MATRIARCH OF THE REPD BELIEVES THIS PLAYER WILL BRING RUIN TO THE SYSTEM BECAUSE OF THIS NEW ABILITY. DO YOU HAVE A COUNTERARGUMENT? Stolen novel; please report. ¡°If I wasn¡¯t meant to have it, then why give me all the parts to make it??¡± The Adjudicator¡¯s eyes swiveled back to me and I tried not to look at the floating ball with an eye inside a mouth that hovered above its main body. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO WITH THIS ABILITY? DO YOU WISH TO EJECT ALL PLAYERS FROM THIS EVENT? ¡°No. I want to teleport to wherever the Announcer is hiding and kill her.¡± All the eyes on the Adjudicator¡¯s body blinked simultaneously. AMUSING. THE ANNOUNCER IS LEVEL 60. SHE WILL CRUSH YOU. BUT I WILL ALLOW IT. YOU MAY KEEP YOUR NEW ABILITY FOR NOW. ¡°Eh¡­ thank you?¡± Without so much as a ¡°You¡¯re welcome¡±, the Adjudicator vanished, taking the intense pressure with him and making time resume its normal pace. Droplets of blood fell from my chin and down onto the ground. ¡°Let me see if I get this right¡­¡± Panda began. ¡°The Agents of the Great Game, specifically the Probing Department, filed a complaint about your new ability, since it has the power to eject all Players from this event, thereby saving them?¡± I shrugged. ¡°But he let you keep it if you just use it to teleport to where the Announcer is?¡± ¡°What¡¯s the point you¡¯re trying to make?¡± I asked. ¡°Gambit¡­ you have the power to save all the Players remaining in the Event!¡± ¡°Why would I do that?¡± ¡°¡­Are you kidding me?¡± ¡°I thought you were a big thinker, Panda,¡± I replied. ¡°You obviously should go for the bigwigs to manifest long-term change! If I release all the Players by ejecting them from the Event it doesn¡¯t change anything.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no assurance that killing the Announcer will stop the Event.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡± ¡°I¡¯m bored,¡± groaned Brock. ¡°I¡¯ll hit stuff with you soon enough,¡± I promised him. Then held out my hand dramatically and said, ¡°Dungeon-Break.¡± ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Total Player number: 16809 Nearest Player: 226 yards Total Enemy number: 438 Nearest Enemy: 671 yards Nearest Boss: N/A Nearest Exit: N/A The map that appeared was leagues apart from the one when it was just called ¡®Dungeon¡­¡¯, as it had zoom features, name-search functionality, room labels, names and levels for Players and enemies, hidden doors and caches, and many other minor things I felt I didn¡¯t have the time to dive into, since the skill was only active for two minutes. As I moved it around, I saw how the edges of the vast ruins were lined with what was called a ¡®Dungeon Barrier¡¯, which, if I had to guess, was the weird hair-like tapestry of screaming faces that I¡¯d encountered in the Asylum when I punched a hole in the wall. I wondered if, by deleting it, I could basically go ¡®out of bounds¡¯, kind of how some games had gaps in the world geometry that allowed you to slip through and walk along the ¡®outside¡¯ of the world to bypass things. ¡°I can¡¯t find the amphitheater,¡± I muttered, annoyed. ¡°Try zooming out,¡± Panda suggested. I clicked the ( - ) to zoom out, until the entire ruins was quite small. ¡°It¡¯s right there,¡± the plushie said, pointing to the far edge of the map screen. I had to squint to see it, but, sure enough, the theater lay hundreds of miles away from the ruins in the massive underground cavern we were in. I used my finger to pan over to it, then clicked the ( + ) button to zoom back in. In the center was the amphitheater, and next to it was something called the ¡®Production Control Room¡¯, as well as a ¡®Green Room¡¯ and ¡®Commentary Booth¡¯. I knew this was where I wanted to go. Since I figured a bastard like the Announcer would be in the Green Room, and a grey marker showed that there was a person there, who was neither a Player nor Enemy, I clicked on this and a map pin appeared with the option ¡®Teleport to Location¡¯. I clicked the option.
Ability Confirmation Required
You are about to utilize your Dungeon-Break ability to teleport to your chosen location. There are no protections to keep you from yeeting yourself into the void, so please confirm your choice. Keep in mind, the moment you accept, you will be teleported and your ability will go on cooldown. Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°Oh god, not this again,¡± I complained. I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯ and dreaded the three additional follow-up confirmations, but instead I felt the ground drop away from under me, as darkness overtook my vision and I experienced the sensation of freefalling. ¡°Weeeeee¡­!¡± yelled Brock excitedly. I came to a sudden halt, appearing on a fancy round bed covered in fur blankets. A person next to me let out a gasp, and I whirled around with Brock raised over my head. ¡°Ohai, Gambit! Why do you have a balloon hammer?¡± I blinked, the mind-fog of the teleportation quickly fading. ¡°Bee!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°I missed you!¡± ¡°Hi Panda.¡± ¡°Bee? What are you doing here?¡± ¡°I was pulled into the Event with you, but arrived in this room because I¡¯m a minor. So, I¡¯ve just been waiting here and watching the screens in the Commentary Booth, while Riii is working.¡± ¡°Riii?¡± I asked. ¡°The Announcer.¡± I frowned. ¡°I¡¯ve come here to kill her.¡± Bee nodded as though she knew that already. ¡°She said you¡¯d come here.¡± ¡°She¡¯s been watching me closely?¡± ¡°Mhmm, she said that you had avoided being crucified, so she¡¯d do it herself.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not scared of a midget like her.¡± ¡°Gambit, they¡¯re called ¡®Little People¡¯,¡± she corrected me. ¡°Whatever, I¡¯m gonna kill her.¡± ¡°And then what?¡± ¡°Then I¡¯ll go to the Production Control Room.¡± ¡°Okay! I¡¯ll show you the way to the Commentary Booth first then.¡± ¡°You should probably stay out of the fight.¡± She nodded. ¡°Riii told me that, as long as she is alive, I¡¯ll be invulnerable here. But it wears off if I try to attack her. She also arranged for the Child Protective Services to come get me after the Event has concluded.¡± ¡°There¡¯s plenty of time before then,¡± Panda said. ¡°But, if this moron¡¯s idea actually ends the Event early and saves people, then we¡¯d better hurry.¡± I got up from the round bed and Bee grabbed my hand and led me through the room. It was like a makeup trailer mixed with a personal apartment, as it had a simple kitchen, the bed, a bathroom, but also a massive mirror and a counter full of powders and weird bugs writhing in jars. As we left the Green Room, we came out onto a cardboard-like scaffolding that was raised above the ground below, where the back of the amphitheater lay, with the stage at the other end. The scaffolding shifted ominously as we walked across it to a bulbous building that looked like a wasp hive. ¡°I¡¯ll wait out here,¡± Bee told me. ¡°Good luck.¡± I gritted my teeth and walked up to the door of the Commentary Booth. Chapter -31 The entrance to the Commentary Booth was a strange round door that I just pushed aside. The walls were like stacks of brown paper and were quite thick. Given that the exterior looked like a giant wasp hive, I was surprised to find that the interior was¡­ normal? As I crossed the threshold of the doorway and walked through a short tunnel, I was met with a room full of screens in all forms: CRT, plasma, LED, etc. It basically looked like someone had dragged every monitor and TV from three different electronics stores and stacked them randomly in the room. The screens were mounted with some kind of strange and stringy residue which seemed quite sticky, and they were even fastened upside-down to the ceiling with it. The way they were all kind of glued together created a weird amalgamated monstrosity of electronics. With all the screens positioned around the curvature of the wall, it gave quite a high-tech feel to the room, even if it was a total mismatch and there wasn¡¯t a single power cable in sight. What¡¯s more, each screen showed a vantage above a Player, and, even as I watched, I saw several of them die, either by the hands of an Ambusher mantis nymph, another Player, or an ¡®Insanity Monster¡¯ like the Skinstealer. As each Player died, the screen flickered and showed a new vantage. To make it all worse, in the center of the room, hovering above a raised podium with her rapid wings, was the Announcer, cackling and yelling at the things showed on the screens, while mocking the people who were all killed as entertainment. I carefully pulled my Looking Glass out of my inventory and scanned her through the little bit of its lens that was still left.
Level 60 ¡®Riii¡¯ Announcer x
¡°Thank you for the applause!¡± Job: GREAT GAME Announcer Affiliation: Broadcast Department Even though the Broadcast Department is primarily staffed with Spiders, they often hire charismatic and cruel Wasps, like this Fairyfly, to serve as their announcers. It also doesn¡¯t hurt that these Wasps enjoy their work so much that getting to make fun of Players dying is what they consider payment. Riii is but one amongst many similar Wasps currently spread across your world, hosting the GAME EVENTS. Although, saying that, she is crueler than most of her kind, which should tell you that you don¡¯t want to get on her bad side. She thinks you are good broadcast material.
[fairyfly] Announcer Riii turned around to look at me, her small arms on her hips. ¡°I¡¯ve been looking forward to this,¡± she said, casting me a sinister grin. ¡°What are you gonna do??¡± Panda asked, sounding very worried. The Announcer didn¡¯t react to his voice, so I was certain she couldn¡¯t see him. ¡°Did you like the Fusion Gum?¡± she asked, the grin growing wider. ¡°You sent me that? Why? You must¡¯ve known I¡¯d use it to come here and kill you.¡± ¡°Hah! Kill me!?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s intimidated by you,¡± Panda unhelpfully explained. I took a step towards her, but suddenly two dozen translucent-blue arms appeared from her back, as though she was some kind of weird Doc Octopus ripoff. I remembered how they¡¯d pinned all the Players to their seats during the Event introduction, so I didn¡¯t want to get too close without a proper plan in place. ¡°Take a seat,¡± she said, using one of her magical arms to pull a plastic chair over in front of me. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s definitely not taking you serious.¡± I kicked the chair aside. ¡°I don¡¯t think you understand what I¡¯m here for!¡± ¡°Yes, yes, you want to try and kill me. Boring.¡± She pulled over another chair. ¡°Now sit down, your interview is starting in twenty seconds.¡± ¡°My¡­ what??¡± ¡°I got you the Fusion Gum so you could unlock that special ability. How nice of me. Now. Sit. Down. I¡¯ll break your arms and legs if you don¡¯t.¡± I gritted my teeth and squeezed the handle of Brock tightly, preparing for the inevitable confrontation. The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Would it be so bad to hear her out?¡± Panda suggested. ¡°What is wrong with you,¡± I hissed. ¡°How could you even suggest that!?¡± ¡°Maybe you could get some important information out of her, like, for example, who is actually watching these games.¡± ¡°I¡¯d rather just get into the fightin¡¯, I reckon,¡± said Brock. I sat down on the chair with a frustrated snarl. I wanted to beat the Announcer to a pulp, but Panda was right. This was a golden chance I couldn¡¯t pass up. It was the first time I¡¯d met someone high-ranked who was part of the Great Game¡¯s agencies who actually wanted to talk. ¡°Good boy,¡± patronized Riii. ¡°Who¡¯s watching all this play out and listening to your commentary?¡± ¡°Eh, you know¡­¡± she replied evasively, while using her many ethereal arms to pull things from the sides of the room over next to me, like a pull-out greenscreen, a potted cactus that was six feet tall, a lava lamp, an SNES, and a table with a happy meal scattered over top of it. ¡°What the fuck is this?¡± I asked, looking at the random junk as she deftly used her arms to set up the greenscreen behind me. ¡°Cultural junk, to identify your part of the world more easily.¡± ¡°This has nothing to do with Castleburg.¡± Panda was already munching on the happy meal, though Riii didn¡¯t seem to notice. ¡°The fries are cold and soggy,¡± he said in disappointment. ¡°It¡¯s not important. Anyway:¡± Lights overhead suddenly came on, blinding me briefly, while applause filled the room and the Announcer hovered closer. A floating ball covered in eyes also suddenly appeared from out of nowhere. Welcome back to Riii¡¯s ¡®Confessions from a Player¡¯! Today we¡¯re joined by one of the standout Players of the country known as ¡®Massachusetts¡¯! That¡¯s right, it¡¯s ¡®Gambit¡¯, or as you know him: ¡®the Insane Murder Machine¡¯! Applause came from the empty room around us again, as though being emitted from the walls. ¡°Massachusetts is a state, not a country,¡± I corrected her. ¡°Also, I¡¯m not a Murder Machine.¡± Isn¡¯t he just charming!? Also the stats would disagree with you there! Thanks to your actions, 82 Players have already died! That¡¯s quite a lot of blood on your hands, huh! Fake laughter came from around me. The revelation that I¡¯d caused that many deaths actually didn¡¯t really affect me, but, then again, it wasn¡¯t really my fault if they didn¡¯t die directly by my hand. ¡°Who the fuck is watching this shit??¡± The GREAT GAME, and its many independent shows like this, are of course viewed by all the Demons and Daemons of the Nine Realms of Vice, as well as the Spawn of the Great Ones, and their Masters! Now, we¡¯re all dying to know, how did you manage to survive not one, but two separate colored paths? The survival rate is currently 8% on the world of ¡®Dirt¡¯, an all-time low for the GREAT GAME! ¡°¡­Demons are watching this? I guess I shouldn¡¯t be surprised.¡± ¡°It actually makes an uncomfortable amount of sense when you think about it,¡± Panda remarked. Please answer the question! ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I lied. ¡°I guess I just used my intuition.¡± That¡¯s quite some intuition, I guess they don¡¯t call you a cheater for nothing! Next question: Do you have a history of flashing people? So far you have flashed 17 different Players and an untold number of GREAT GAME Agents! ¡°What? No. It¡¯s not my fault that I¡¯m encouraged by my abilities to behave in stupid ways!¡± Laughter, whooping, and whistling filled the room in response. Of course you have a choice! You chose those abilities after all! Now, we¡¯re all dying to know: Please tell us about your time before the GREAT GAME started on your world. I understand that you were quite famous in your country of Massachusetts for your insane public meltdown! ¡°Yeah¡­ I¡¯m not doing this,¡± I said and got up from the chair. I locked eyes with Announcer Riii, who scowled at me for not playing along with her crazy talkshow bullshit. Keep watching! It seems that ¡®Gambit¡¯ has chosen Suicide-by-Announcer, a fan favorite on this show! I surged forward with my Bonk Hammer raised above my head, then yelled, ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ¡°.interrupt( ),¡± said Riii, and my ability not only failed to activate, but I also got hit with a pop-up notification: Warning! You have been interrupted and your ability is now on cooldown! Time remaining: 119,121,879 ¦Ìs My swing whiffed as the Fairyfly pulled back a few inches, then I was lifted off the ground by three of her ghostly blue arms and slammed against the ceiling. All the air left my lungs, and I let out a loud groan as my broken ribs were forcefully shoved into my organs from behind. ¡°This is bad,¡± Panda remarked as he held onto my shoulder. ¡°She can use Glitched abilities too, I think!¡± A fourth hand flew at my head, while the other three kept me pinned against the paper-like ceiling. I was unable to avoid it, but when it hit my forehead, I didn¡¯t feel any pain as it was immediately reflected with triple its speed. It flew back the way it¡¯d come and smashed into the Announcer, the surprise making her let go with the three arms holding me aloft. Though she didn¡¯t seem to really take any damage from it. I rapidly fell back down to the floor, my trajectory sending me on a collision course with the six-foot-tall cactus, before I uttered the command that, despite its ridiculous nature, was one of my most-often used. ¡°Unequip All!¡± Chapter -32 SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! ¡°I_CAN_FLY!¡± And here it is, folks! The Insane Murder Machine¡¯s famous ¡®Pervert Glide¡¯! ¡°She knows all your abilities!¡± Panda warned me. ¡°I doubt she knows about Brock¡¯s new upgrades,¡± I said below my breath. ¡°Fak ¡®er up!!¡± As I glided down to the floor, avoiding the tall cactus, Riii sent her spectral hands after me. I immediately disengaged my wings, before she could hit me, and dropped under their noodle arms, which quickly bent to track me. I sprinted forward with the boost of my BIRTHDAY_SUIT and swung my Bonk Hammer at her from the right, the ethereal trail of ¡®Ghost Strike¡¯ following in its wake. Instinctively, she brought out her idle arms to protect herself. The blue spirit-like limbs became physical as a shield. BONK! My three-headed balloon hammer rebounded off the impossibly-sturdy barrier, but I couldn¡¯t help but grin as the ¡®Ghost Strike¡¯ followed close behind the initial hit and went straight through the shield, smashing into the side of Announcer Riii¡¯s frustrating face. The expression of shocked surprise that appeared for a nanosecond before she was sent flying away was priceless. ? BONK ? It was a shame that my Punch.harder( ) was still on cooldown, because otherwise I was fairly sure that I¡¯d have killed her right then and there. Nevertheless, the Fairyfly shot across the interior of the Commentary Booth, before her diminutive body crashed into part of the wall where monitors and screens were stacked closely together, their plastic frames stopping her abruptly. I didn¡¯t waste a second and loped towards her like a hawk ready to finish off its immobilized prey, but just as I got within ten feet, all her two-dozen arms punched out in a tangled united fist, striking me with such power that I was immediately shot out through the ceiling of the hive-like structure. Everything went black for a couple seconds. Wind rushed past my ears and my hair was ruffled aggressively, as I fell towards the middle of the amphitheater seating area. ¡°Gambit! Quick, you have to activate your Pervert Glide!¡± ¡°¡­Please don¡¯t adopt their stupid name for it,¡± I groaned. ¡°I_CAN_FLY.¡± ¡°You know, I still don¡¯t get why you keep pronouncing the special characters, like Underscore and Dot and Dash¡­¡± As I glided down to the ground below, which was about twenty yards away still, I saw Riii emerge from the perforated roof of the hive-looking Commentary Booth. She was using her spectral-blue arms to move, like some kind of fucked-up Daddy Long-Legs. The way her body sagged and her wings failed to work indicated that my hit had done far more damage than I¡¯d thought. But, then again, Brock had something like 400% impact boost now, which, given my presumably-high strength attribute, probably resulted in some serious damage numbers. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Speaking of¡­ ¡°Uh¡­ where¡¯s Brock?¡± I asked, looking around but not seeing him. ¡°Look up,¡± said Panda. I craned my neck back and saw that the purple balloon hammer was floating down lazily from above, and somehow, despite its increased weight, managing to be more balloon than weapon. ¡°Watch out!¡± I heard Bee yell in the distance. I turned around just in time to be bitch-slapped by a spectral hand in the side of my face and sent towards the ground like a missile. ¡°Fuck, fuck, fuck¡­!¡± I yelled, as I tumbled and spun, my wings unable to fully slow my descent. With a loud crash, I collided chin-first with a row of the stone seating, skidding across and tearing skin with the world¡¯s most painful friction burn. As I came to a halt, it felt like I¡¯d broken every bone in my body. ¡°¡­Ouch.¡± Panda made a wincing sound as he saw me. ¡°How¡¯d I look?¡± I asked, as I slowly pushed myself up. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ ehh¡­ fine? Yep. Definitely, completely, 100% fine.¡± I turned my head to look back at where I¡¯d landed and the approaching Announcer, who was crawling down the cardboard scaffolding with her many spectral hands as legs. Bee was holding onto a support beam, while the whole structure was shaking violently. The bench I had skidded along had a long bloodied and chunky trail, and the impact site was like a damn crater. ¡°That definitely should¡¯ve killed me,¡± I said, touching my chin. It was hard. Like bone. ¡°Uh¡­ Panda?¡± ¡°¡­Yea?¡± ¡°Where¡¯s my chin?¡± The plushie gestured around us vaguely. ¡°Goddamn,¡± I said. ¡°It looks really messed up.¡± ¡°In a good way?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± ¡°Goddamn,¡± I repeated.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®I didn¡¯t know it did that¡­¡¯ Reflected fall damage.
Yeah, this definitely seems like an unintended use of ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯. Sooner or later, one of us will have to go have a talk to the System Moths about this spaghetti code they¡¯ve cooked up.
Reward: ¡®Spaghetti with Mothballs¡¯
¡°Huh, it¡¯s Moths who make the abilities and passives?¡± Panda remarked. A second later another achievement popped:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡¯15 Seconds of Fame¡¯ Took part in an Interview.
I bet you feel like hot shit right now. Well, everyone who watched it thought you were a moron. We ran a poll even, and it came back with 93% saying ¡®Yes, Gambit is a moron¡¯.
Reward: Nothing. Fame is its own reward.
I took a deep breath and swiped the two screens away, not allowing them to get to me. A bowl of weird-looking spaghetti landed by my feet, but I picked it up and threw it in my inventory without inspecting it. ¡°Do you think it has been enough time for the interruption cooldown to have worn off?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°Most definitely. I think it was only something like 2 minutes long.¡± I scanned the air and saw that Brock was still casually floating down to the ground. At this rate, I wouldn¡¯t be able to reach him for another minute at least. Riii was at the bottom of the scaffolding and thundering towards me on her two-dozen arms-turned-spidery-legs. The sight filled me with dread, but I wasn¡¯t gonna back down, no matter how much I hated spiders. ¡°I might have to use my fists for this,¡± I said. ¡°Listen, I don¡¯t know how the health stuff works in this Great Game, but you¡¯re looking like you have exactly 3.82% out of 100% HP left¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s very specific.¡± ¡°I honestly don¡¯t understand how you¡¯re standing.¡± ¡°Well, all my limbs are still attached.¡± ¡°Are you actually human?¡± I turned to look at him. ¡°Seriously? You¡¯re asking me that?¡± ¡°Just ¡®cause I¡¯m a sentient teddy bear, I don¡¯t get to question your humanity?¡± I rolled my shoulders and squeezed my right fist with my left palm. ¡°Whatever, let¡¯s do this.¡± I WILL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, YOU VILE CHEATER!!! I strode towards her, ready to end this. Chapter -33 ¡°Gambit, whatever you do, don¡¯t let her hit you! You¡¯ll actually die!¡± The Daddy Long-Legs spectral spaghetti monster came towards me on its two-dozen legs and I quickly ducked-and-weaved past the first two opening attacks it sent at me. But there were so many of those damn legs that avoiding being hit a single time was definitely impossible. To make matters worse, my fists passed through the spectral legs, since they could, at will, become incorporeal, so I had little in the way of active defense and my only hope was that my percentage-chance of reflecting impacts would save me from a fatal hit again. STOP MOVING SO I CAN SQUASH YOU!!! ¡°That¡¯s quite ironic,¡± Panda muttered. He was hanging on to my shoulder again as I, still clad in my Birthday Suit, hopped and danced around the arms-used-as-legs which tried to hit me. The Fairyfly¡¯s main body was lifted twelve feet off the ground by the arms and hung there rather limply. This close, I could see how the side I¡¯d hit with Brock was completely destroyed. It seemed, despite the fact that Riii was level 60, her defensive stats were quite low, perhaps because she was the nimble and offensive sort. With a running leap, I hopped up towards where her body hovered directly above me and prepared to swing my fist against her. Then her half-paralyzed face moved and said, ¡°(Gravity *= -1).¡± ¡°What does that m¡ª?¡± I started to ask, before, suddenly, I was in freefall¡­ upwards. ¡°Oh, fuck!¡± Panda squealed with joy, while I started flying at the cavern ceiling far above with terminal velocity. But I wasn¡¯t the only one affected by this, as Riii and her tangled mess of spectral limbs also started flying upwards, as the effects of gravity were reversed. ¡°Nigel!! I¡¯m here!! Grab me!!¡± Brock shouted as I flew past him. My fingers grazed his balloon handle, but I failed to get a grab on. Below, or, well, above, the ceiling was approaching fast, but then Riii used another ability: ¡°(Gravity = 0).¡± Instead of continuing with my momentum, like what would¡¯ve happened if gravity was removed, I instead just stopped in place, as though all my speed was cancelled. The Announcer¡¯s body also stopped, but then she began using her magical limbs to ¡®swim¡¯ towards me. ¡°If she wasn¡¯t trying to kill you, it would be quite an amusing sight,¡± Panda commented. ¡°She looks like a spider that fell in the tub and is struggling to get out.¡± I eyed where Brock was floating maybe twenty yards away and started doing breaststrokes to swim through the air towards him, while the spider imitator swam after me. ¡°How dumb must this look from below?¡± Panda wondered, continuing to provide useless commentary. ¡°Can you shut up or at least make sure she doesn¡¯t reach me!?¡± ¡°My greatness is wasted on you, Gamby.¡± ¡°I told you¡­to stop¡­calling me¡­that!¡± I said in-between strokes. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡°Just a little closer!¡± Brock called. ¡°Grab me, you beautiful bastard!!¡± I reached out, the tips of my fingers touching Brock¡¯s handle. ¡°Uh oh,¡± said Panda. ¡°What?¡± I asked. Then I was yanked back towards the spider by something grabbing my right foot and pulling hard. ¡°Nooo!!¡± Brock screamed dramatically as the distance between us grew again. GOT YOU!!! I flew towards Announcer Riii and her many spectral arms, but seized on the opportunity to pull my arm back, readying for a punch directly to her center mass as she came closer. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± I yelled. Just as my ability triggered, her voice followed with the phrase: ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± Warning! You have been interrupted and your ability is now on cooldown! Time remaining: 119,662,003 ¦Ìs ¡°You dumb ugly fly bitch!¡± I shouted in frustration. ¡°Yeah! You suck!¡± Panda joined in. SCREW YOU, YOU FILTHY EXPLOITER!!! ¡°You¡¯ve got cheat abilities too!¡± I yelled back. I narrowly avoided being slapped by three conjoined spectral hands, thanks to flapping my arms like a chicken, but she was still gripping my foot and keeping me from breaking away from her reach. ¡°Panda, you need to get Brock and throw him to me!¡± I told him. ¡°Are you out of your mind!?¡± he protested. By wildly flinging my head to the side, I avoided another couple arms shooting straight for my head. ¡°No time to argue!¡± I took him off my shoulder with both hands and then threw him forward like I was doing Shot Put. He complained loudly as he floated gracefully towards the Bonk Hammer. Meanwhile I was wriggling this-and-that-way to avoid being hit. ¡°I¡¯ve got a hold of him!¡± Panda yelled as he caught onto the hammer. ¡°Wait, why is he warm?¡± ¡°Just throw him to me!¡± I yelled. ¡°Fak yuu, toss me!!¡± Panda awkwardly pushed the balloon hammer towards me, in turn sending himself the opposite direction, thanks to Newton¡¯s Third Law. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Announcer Riii seemed to have picked up on the fact that something she couldn¡¯t perceive, i.e. Panda, was helping me. I began ¡®swimming¡¯ towards the approaching Brock, while he continually cried out, ¡°Nigel!! I¡¯m coming baby!!¡± As Riii spasmed her arms to try and grab the weapon, she inadvertently pushed me forward with the hand holding my foot, and I was flung forward quickly enough to snatch Brock before her. As she realized her mistake, it was already too late for her, as I swung the hammer at her incoming arms. The initial hammer strike whiffed, but then the Ghost Strike followed close behind. As it struck, the strange sound filled the air. ? BONK ? The arms were slapped away and Riii pulled me by my foot again, trying to land a hit on me before I could use Brock to break her grip on me. However, she once again messed up, as I was swung towards her main body at the center of all her spectral limbs. I didn¡¯t waste this golden opportunity and swung Brock right at her tiny torso. A fiery glow enveloped the Bonk Hammer. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! BONK2! ??? BONK ??? An enormous shockwave exploded outward from the impact site of both the main hammer strike and the secondary Ghost Strike. The spectral arms all disintegrated, as the Fairyfly announcer was reduced to scattered fragments of tissue and bone, with no distinguishable features remaining. She was like a mosquito that¡¯d hit the windshield of a truck going 100 mph. ¡°I am the one who squashes!¡± I yelled, as the effects of her gravity-cancelling ability disappeared and I started plummeting back down to earth. Achievements popped up in my vision as I fell. ¡°I_CAN_FLY!¡± I yelled and my fall was quickly slowed to a gentle descent. Chapter -34 I landed on the ground safely, but well out of stamina. If we¡¯d been any higher in the air above the amphitheater, I would surely have exhausted my energy from gliding and fallen to my death. Panda fell from the sky with a loud ¡°Weeeeee¡­!¡± before bouncing off the stone floor with not a mark on him, landing back down again safely. He looked around for a moment, then spotted me and began waddling over. ¡°That was a close one,¡± I said to myself, then took in the many pop-ups that¡¯d arrived.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Like Running in a Nightmare¡¯ Fought in zero gravity.
I cannot understate just how lame of a Boss fight that was. The Broadcast Department is especially furious, but, also, fuck those guys. Here¡¯s a lame reward for a lame accomplishment.
Reward: ¡®Moon Boots¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bad Catchphrase¡¯ Hasta la vista, dumbass.
Did you know that Demons can cringe? We didn¡¯t. Until now. Our viewers have already flooded our inboxes with letters asking for you to stop. So, anyway, now suicide-by-bad-catchphrase is possible for you. Enjoy.
Reward: Lame catchphrases now deal 1 point of damage to yourself
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Statistical Improbability¡¯ Defeat a Boss 50 levels above you.
So, uhhh, this achievement was one we literally had to make just for you, because it¡¯s not really meant to be achievable. Just like so many other of the achievements you¡¯ve already received¡­ We¡¯ve reviewed the footage and gone through the logs of your weapon evolutions, but, yeah, it¡¯s unfortunately above board, so it is with great sadness that we have to reward you for this, quite frankly, astonishing feat.
Rewards: +2 levels & ¡®Giant Killer Trophy¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Announce this!¡¯ Defeat an Announcer.
You know, the way that the hierarchy works in the Agencies of the GREAT GAME is that the strong get the cushy high-position jobs, while the weak do fieldwork like being Agents, Collectors, and Species Samplers. Announcers are slightly above the middle strata and are known for their cunning and tricks, so the fact that you defeated one is quite an accomplishment. Unfortunately for you, Riii was popular amongst many of the grunts of the Agencies, so you¡¯ve made a lot of new enemies.
Reward: ¡®Fairyfly Wing¡¯
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -9! +2 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Kills required for Level -10 3/25
¡°That¡¯s a ton of achievements,¡± Panda said. I was slowly reading through them, and by the time I got to the last one, I was almost drooling to find out what the ¡®Giant Killer Trophy¡¯ and ¡®Fairyfly Wing¡¯ would give me. ¡°Gambit! Are you okay!?¡± I heard Bee yell as she ran over to where I was sitting, my back to the first row of the amphitheater seating. ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I told her, but she drew up short as she saw my face. ¡°He¡¯s not fine,¡± Panda told her. ¡°Half his face is missing after all.¡± ¡°¡­Wait? Half? I thought it was just my chin.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get the sewing kit out,¡± Bee said and knelt down next to me. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°Nice hat by the way,¡± she said. I blinked, uncomprehending. ¡°The purple hard hat,¡± she explained. ¡°Oh¡­ right. I forgot I had that on.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t do anything to save your face,¡± Panda remarked. I pulled up my inventory while she prepared to sew up my entire face, then quickly realized that, apart from the hard hat, I was totally naked. With frantic speed I equipped the ruined suit. ¡°Sorry!¡± I said. ¡°What for?¡± ¡°Nevermind,¡± I quickly added, since she hadn¡¯t noticed, apparently. Or maybe, and rather disturbingly, she had grown accustomed to seeing me in my Birthday Suit¡­ I looked back at my open screen, trying not to think too much about it.
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
Wanted Poster. Magnifying Glass. Conspiracy Whistle. Wet pajamas. Neat black suit. Screwdriver. Fingerless Socks. Pocket-Watch. Survival Kit. Mothball Spaghetti. Moon Boots. Trophy. Fairyfly Wing.
Total Inventory Weight: 25.0 Pandas
Since I was hungry, I pulled out the spaghetti first. It arrived with a splat, just a single plastic fork and a curled-up ball of spaghetti with mothballs all over it, landing on the ground between my feet. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Bee asked. I wasn¡¯t sure how to answer the question, so I looked at the unappetizing meal and said, ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Spaghetti with Mothballs¡¯ x
With a strange perfume scent and chemical aftertaste, this meal is perhaps not the healthiest thing you could eat, but, eating the entire meal in one sitting will imbue you with 2% Health recovery per minute while not in combat, lasting 4 hours.
Bee inspected it as well and then said, ¡°Maybe I won¡¯t need to sew you up after all.¡± I sighed, she was right, it was too good not to use, so I quickly got to work stuffing the whole thing down my gullet. For once I was glad that all I could taste was synthetic grape, but I still felt a chemical tingling in my mouth afterwards. Right away, I could feel how my face began to shift and change, thanks to the recovery effects. ¡°That¡¯s really gross,¡± Bee said, looking at my face in deep fascination. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to invest your new attribute points,¡± Panda reminded me. ¡°Did you level up?¡± Bee asked. I nodded. ¡°Level -9 now. I think that perhaps I might get something special for level -10.¡± ¡°Could it be the Class change and evolution stuff that was mentioned in that announcement two days ago?¡± ¡°No idea,¡± I replied, but I also couldn¡¯t really recall the specific wording. I began to wonder what sort of Class change would be available to me though, given that I was Glitched. ¡°Status,¡± I said, and then, after only a few seconds of deliberation, I chose Defense and Strength.
Level -9 ¡®Gambit¡¯ System Glitch x
---This Red bar is so eager it''s spilling over the edge---
STATS
Health: Ain¡¯t Not Good Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤±¤É Armor: Oobleck Coating
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Mountain Bike Mana: Literally Zero
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Joey Intelligence: TBD Vitality: Ribeye
Athleticism: òùòð Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: N/A Defense: Oobleck
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯
Panda gasped. ¡°Finally, a pattern emerges! A point in Strength is equivalent to 115 pounds and 50 Pandas in Carry Weight.¡± ¡°What¡¯s Oobleck?¡± I asked. ¡°It¡¯s a non-Newtonian fluid made from cornstarch and water.¡± ¡°What¡¯s it do?¡± ¡°Well, it gets hard if moved rapidly, but flows like a liquid when at rest. I think it was once tested as a potential replacement for Kevlar.¡± ¡°The System seems to think its stronger than plastic bottles.¡± Bee didn¡¯t respond and instead was staring at my chest, where the hole from the Ambusher made my skin visible beneath the suit. I was about to explain what had caused it, when she asked: ¡°Why do you have a nametag that says ¡®Gambit the Moron¡¯?¡± Chapter -35 ¡°What now?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I actually hadn¡¯t planned that far,¡± I told her. Panda sighed. ¡°I told you that killing the Announcer might not end the Event.¡± ¡°There¡¯s still the Production Control Room nearby,¡± the Beetle Girl told me. ¡°You¡¯re a genius!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°I guess we should go destroy it, maybe that¡¯ll do the trick.¡± ¡°Worst case, it doesn¡¯t and we can just wait for the cooldown of Dungeon-Break to eject all the Players from the Event.¡± ¡°Dungeon-Break?¡± Bee asked. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± While Panda recounted the events of what¡¯d happened since we entered, a lot of which Bee already seemed to know, thanks to having watched me on the screens in Announcer Riii¡¯s Commentary Booth, I pulled open my inventory again and inspected the three rewards I¡¯d gotten.
¡®Moon Boots¡¯ x
Disclaimer: these are not actual boots meant to traverse the moon. Putting these on will negatively affect your Charisma. That¡¯s right Charisma is a hidden Attribute that only we know! And in case you¡¯re wondering, yours is -12 right now, but putting these on will bump it to -15. For reference, a glistening and steamy dog turd has -7. Jumping while wearing these boots will make it feel like you¡¯re jumping higher, even though you aren¡¯t.
Weight: 2.1 Pandas
¡°Ugh,¡± I groaned. Panda stopped his recounting for a moment, but when I didn¡¯t elaborate, he continued from where he¡¯d left off, with Bee paying rapt attention.
¡®Giant Slayer Trophy¡¯ x
Ah, crap, the Item Conjuring Department forgot to add a weight to this item¡­ Well, anyway, smashing this into your forehead will unlock the powers trapped within. We were in a hurry to make this, so that¡¯s the best ¡®unlock¡¯ method we could think of in a pinch.
Weight: N/A
I pulled it out of my inventory and found that it did indeed not have a weight to it, as though the bulky metallic trophy was just spraypainted Styrofoam. ¡°Woah, what¡¯s that??¡± Bee asked, then inspected it. Panda was giving me a look like, ¡°Dude¡­ you¡¯re interrupting me again?¡± Then I smashed the trophy into my forehead. It immediately became a swarm of flies that in turn began to glow red, before imploding in tiny explosions. ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± I got out, before the next screen appeared.
Choose your reward! x
That effect you just saw was a placeholder not meant to be utilized¡­ Seriously, I¡¯m gonna go have a talk with those slimy Silkworms about this screwup.
Pick one of the options: ¡®L4GSW1TCH¡¯ | ¡®Bossman¡¯ | ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯
¡®L4GSW1TCH¡¯ x
Ability Causes your body and abilities to become desynced from reality, as though you suddenly have a 999 latency ping. Results may vary and you could possibly clip through world geometry, so use with caution. Duration: 30 seconds Cooldown: 1 hour
¡®Bossman¡¯ x The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
Passive From now on, you¡¯re ¡°The Boss¡± and everyone will feel compelled to refer to you as such. Enemies and Players will be slightly less inclined to pick a fight with you.
¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ x
Ability Conjure a spectral lance out of thin air, which deals damage according to your Strength attribute and the level-difference between you and your targeted foe, before firing it forward like a ballista bolt. Cooldown: 1 hour If used to kill a Boss, the cooldown immediately resets.
¡°Oh boy!¡± Panda said excitedly, suddenly not upset about my interruption of his story. ¡°I think I¡¯ll pick L4GSW1TCH,¡± I said. ¡°Don¡¯t be an idiot, Gambit!¡± Panda said. ¡°Giant-Slayer is 100% the right choice here!¡± ¡°What do they do?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I really wish I could show you, but I guess I¡¯ll just read them out loud.¡± After she¡¯d heard what the three options were, she agreed with Panda¡¯s choice. ¡°Also, think about it,¡± she said, ¡°If it has the potential to make you get stuck in walls and such, it will definitely happen.¡± I thought about it and realized she was right. ¡°They want me to pick it so they can conveniently have me get swallowed by the floor and die¡­¡± I commented. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m picking the Lance.¡± Then I pulled out the ¡®Fairyfly Wing¡¯ and inspected it.
¡®Fairyfly Wing¡¯ x
The wing of the Fairyfly Announcer known as Riii. It is delicate and lightweight, as any insectoid wing, but its fragility belies its strength. In order to unlock its powers, you must put it on your tongue and swallow it whole.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas
¡°Do they have some kind of Feeder fetish, these guys??¡± Panda exclaimed. I didn¡¯t question it at this point and put the wing, which was about the size of a post-it-note, onto my tongue and then closed my mouth. The wing immediately started melting as though it was some kind of strange sugar. I gulped it down, tasting nothing but synthetic grape as usual. By now, the skin and flesh on my face had more-or-less returned, thanks to the Mothball Spaghetti, but it was bright-pink like a newborn baby¡¯s. The pain of my broken ribs was also now just a faded soreness, and a mental fog I¡¯d had, perhaps the remnants of several overlapping concussions, was also cleared away. I actually felt good. Like, really good. ¡°Uhhh, Gambit¡­¡± the plushie started, looking at me weirdly. ¡°Yes, my beloved?¡± I asked, picking Panda up in my arms. ¡°I think that wing was spiked with LSD.¡± ¡°You¡¯re very soft,¡± I told him. ¡°Your eyes have turned completely black,¡± Bee remarked. I reached over and patted her on top of her head. ¡°You¡¯re a good person.¡± ¡°Alright, let go of me!¡± Panda protested, hammering his squishy arms into my chest. ¡°I don¡¯t like this version of you! It¡¯s too much love!!¡± ¡°What ¡®bout me, Nigel!! Hug me too!!¡± Brock yelled from where he lay next to me. As I was about to lift him up and praise him for his good work, the effects suddenly disappeared. Slowly, I glanced down at Panda, then over to Bee. I cleared my throat and lifted the plushie off of me. ¡°Sorry about that,¡± I said.
Choose your reward! x
Apparently, one of the grunts in the Item Conjuring Department was a big fan of Announcer Riii, so they laced the Wing with a toxin meant to make your bones turn into flexible pasta tubes and crystallize your blood. It¡¯s not a fun way to die, trust me. Before the poison could take full effect, we intervened on your behalf and purged it from your system. Although most of us hate your guts, we are prohibited from using items and abilities to outright kill you. Rest assured that the Grunt in question has been scheduled for crucifixion. Apologies.
Pick one of the options: ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ | ¡®(Gravity *= -1)¡¯ | ¡®Handy Helper¡¯
¡°Holy shit, they actually poisoned you!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°It was kind of nice, to be honest,¡± I replied. I looked at the options, surprised that two were Glitched abilities, but, then again, Riii had used several of those.
¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ x
Ability Can be used to interrupt any ability or spell, as long as it is used after it has been activated. The targeted ability will be put on a forced cooldown equal to .interrupt( )¡¯s duration. Duration: 2 minutes Cooldown: 5 minutes Cooldown increases by number of uses in the last hour, meaning the second use has a cooldown of 10 minutes, then 15, 20, and so on.
¡®(Gravity *= -1)¡¯ x
Ability Reverses gravity in a sphere around you equal to Wisdom multiplied by 10 yards. I hope you have a strategy for what to do when the effect wears off¡­ Duration: 10 minutes Cooldown: 6 hours
¡®Handy Helper(s)¡¯ x
Ability Splits your mind into two, with one half gaining two additional spectral limbs that have a Strength value equal to your Intelligence attribute. The number of limbs increases by two for every ten points of Intelligence. Duration: 15 minutes Cooldown: 24 hours
¡°Ugh, two of them use Wisdom and Intelligence¡­¡± I groaned. ¡°They¡¯d probably have no effect if I tried to use them then.¡± ¡°The reversed gravity one has the potential to be really powerful, so you could take that one and see if there¡¯s a way to change your Class such that you get Wisdom?¡± ¡°Are you trying to turn me into a Mage??¡± ¡°Would it be so bad?¡± he asked. ¡°Unless I can become a Mage that punches things, I¡¯m not doing it!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be a little baby!¡± he scolded me. I clicked ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ just to spite him. Panda let out a sigh. With all the new rewards out of the way, I popped on the ¡®Moon Boots¡¯, to which Panda and Bee both made a ¡®Yuck¡¯ sound immediately. The boots also immediately turned purple¡­ I then got to my feet and began stomping off towards where I seemed to recall the Production Control Room was located. Every step felt like I was walking on bouncy balls. Chapter -36 ¡°You look ridiculous in those boots,¡± Panda mocked. He was riding atop of Bee¡¯s shoulder, while I bounced towards a large structure that seemed to grow off to the side of the amphitheater. It was made of some off-white silk. ¡°Don¡¯t listen to ¡®im, Nigel!! You¡¯re a fair dinkum specimen, not lying!¡± ¡°Thanks, Brock.¡± ¡°Why is it your weapon also talks?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Fuck if I know,¡± I replied. She sighed longingly. ¡°I want my own talking weapon.¡± ¡°Maybe you¡¯ll get one if you go into the Event area?¡± Panda guessed. ¡°That¡¯s when Gambit got his.¡± ¡°You know, I don¡¯t even think we can get back there,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s true that it¡¯s quite a ways away from this place, but maybe you and Brock can just punch down the walls and tunnel a way there.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s see if crashing the Production Control Room doesn¡¯t end the Event first,¡± I said. It wasn¡¯t that I didn¡¯t mind the idea of going back in and killing enough people to escape, but the thought of having to put Bee through that too made me feel something weird. It took me a moment to realize what it was: concern. She wasn¡¯t my kid to watch out for, nor even remotely related to me, but I still felt a need to protect her somehow. And I was responsible for her turning into a monster, after all. Or well, half-monster. ¡°Didn¡¯t they say the Broadcast Department is staffed by Spiders?¡± I asked, as we came up to the front of the strange structure. It was, as mentioned, made of off-white silk, which, upon closer inspection was definitely spiderweb. The main part of the structure was an enormous cocoon that grew around and under the seating area for the amphitheater, which was, I now realized, actually slightly lifted off the cavern floor below. It wasn¡¯t noticeable unless you stood near its edge. The structure had a small tunnel connecting the side of the open theater to a series of round buildings stack together, before they culminated in the large cocoon. I put my right foot on the threshold of the tunnel, touching its sole against the silky floor. To my surprise, it wasn¡¯t sticky at all. ¡°What kind of spiders do you think they are?¡± Bee wondered. ¡°And more to the point, do you think there are any inside?¡± Panda asked. ¡°¡­Hold up, you¡¯re afraid of spiders?¡± I asked him. ¡°Don¡¯t act like you are unfazed by them!¡± he replied defensively. ¡°It would be strange if it was empty,¡± Bee commented. I let out a deep breath and rolled my shoulders. ¡°Guess it¡¯s a good opportunity to get some kills for my next level.¡± ¡°Me too!¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°How close are you?¡± I asked. ¡°I¡¯m not sure, can I see it somewhere?¡± ¡°You say Level Progress to make it show up,¡± I told her, the command triggering it for me as well.
You are currently Level -9 Unspent Attribute Points: 0 Points already invested: 9
Kills required for Level -10 3/25
¡°I need 12 more kills for level 4,¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m 22 away from level -10,¡± I replied. ¡°Would be exciting if 10 actually gives you the ability to evolve,¡± she said. ¡°Let¡¯s hope so.¡± I squeezed the handle on Brock, then said, ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± Bee followed behind me as I went down the strange web tunnel, which she unhelpfully explained was similar to the entrance of a Funnel Web Spider¡¯s nest. It wasn¡¯t a very reassuring thought to imagine that a huge monster was waiting at the end for us, having felt our approach through tripwire strands¡­ The tunnel coiled around on itself before leading under the platform upon which the amphitheater stood and ending in a small spherical room. Similar to Riii¡¯s Commentary Booth, screens and monitors hung from the walls and ceiling. However, there was also a crescent-shaped desk, almost like a receptionist¡¯s, behind which sat a strange creature. ¡°Ehh¡­ hi? Can I help you?¡± asked the creature, her voice full of clicking sounds, while one of its four arms rapidly clicked a red button next to the laptop they were sitting behind. I was fairly sure it was a woman, though the eight reflective-black eyes at the top of her bald head made it a bit hard to tell. From her long torso sprouted four normal arms and as I raised up onto my toes, I saw that her lower body was supported on four legs, with a large abdomen sprouting where her butt should¡¯ve been, similar to the Ants from the CPS. Instead of clothes, her body was covered in a thick carpet of brownish-grey fur. Quick as a Wild Western cowboy protagonist, I pulled out my Looking Glass and scanned her: This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.
Level 5 ¡®T-t-t-kha¡¯ Receptionist x
¡°*Chittering noises*¡± Job: Receptionist Affiliation: Broadcast Department This is a Receptionist working for the Broadcast Department. Her job, like that of all receptionists in industries with literally-zero customer interaction is one veiled in mystery and intrigue. The Broadcast Department is primarily staffed by Spiders like her, but they often hire other species to deal with any shows they¡¯re hosting, since they are, by nature, reclusive and uncharismatic. This should also make you wonder why she is working as a receptionist¡­ Our guess is nepotism. She is at the very bottom of the totem pole in terms of power and influence within her Agency. Even the janitors, who clean and maintain the webs of their structures, are paid higher. She seems terrified of you.
¡°Beetle Bolt!¡± Bee exclaimed and a loud buzzing came from her outstretched palm, before a baseball-sized hole appeared in the center of T-t-t-kha¡¯s many-eyed head. ¡°Ah, what the fuck, Bee!¡± Panda yelled in outrage, still riding on her shoulder. ¡°She was calling reinforcements!¡± she yelled. ¡°Rule one of taking down a corporation is that you spare the service clerks, janitors, and receptionists!¡± ¡°I got an achievement for that,¡± she commented, ignoring him. ¡°It¡¯s called ¡®Not the Receptionist!¡¯. Apparently, her rich and influential father has put a bounty on my head now.¡± ¡°Goddamn it!¡± Panda complained. ¡°How is it that both of you are such total reckless morons!¡± ¡°Fuck it!¡± I said, feeling tremors in the silken floor as more creatures like her seemed to head for our location. ¡°We¡¯re not leaving anyone alive!¡± I ran forward, hefting Brock in my right hand, while Bee covered me with her arm raised palm-out, as though her limb was a rifle. Which, in a way, I guess it was¡­ As we moved from the reception and into the next room, I spotted something on one of the many screens that filled the interior: it was a woman with her dirty-blonde hair in a perm, who was wielding an honest-to-God Bazooka, and who, according to a little name tag, was called ¡®Samantha¡¯. She seemed really mad, while she chased down a group of two Players, letting off massive explosive shots every few seconds. Then three spiders broke into the room from a hole in the ceiling, as opposed to the opening at the other end from where we¡¯d entered. All three were covered in SWAT attire over their furry bodies, which looked preposterous. Immediately, one dropped to the floor with a hole through its head, Bee¡¯s buzzing Beetle Bolt blowing through the protective glass of his helmet and destroying his skull. I loped forward, my Moon Boots making it feel like I was in a bouncy castle, before smacking Brock into the side of one of the two closely-stacked spiders. BONK! The force of the impact smashed them into one another, before sending them across the room where they splattered against the flexible wall and crushed some monitors with their bodies. ¡°Wheeeew!! That was sick as!!¡± yelled Brock excitedly. ¡°Woah!¡± Bee said. ¡°That was amazing!¡± ¡°You¡¯re not so bad yourself,¡± I replied. ¡°Nice shooting.¡± ¡°More incoming from above!¡± Panda yelled. Moments later two more SWAT spiders came down through the hole, then two more, and two more, and so forth, until twelve were upon us within mere seconds. Several of them skittered across the ceiling, upside-down, while the rest dropped straight down to the floor. It struck me as odd that none of them had weapons, but then I noticed that their fingers were dotted with sharp nails and guessed that they might possess some kind of venom. ¡°Don¡¯t let them touch you!¡± I told Bee, as we backed up to the reception, trying to bottleneck the security team. The Beetle Girl continued to land shot-after-shot to the heads of the spiders, while I smashed Brock into any that came through the doorway. Every hit of the impactful balloon hammer sent ripples through the building, but due to the flexible nature of its silken web, each impact just made the walls, floor, and ceiling stretch, before it returned to its previous shape. Within just a minute, the room beyond the reception was littered with broken bodies. The security team had been confusingly-weak. ¡°Phew,¡± I said, sitting down on the desk that the Receptionist¡¯s body still lay behind. ¡°I levelled up,¡± Bee said, before following it up with, ¡°Status.¡± ¡°What did you invest your points in?¡± ¡°I wished you could have a look,¡± she said and suddenly her Status screen appeared in front of my eyes.
Level 4 ¡®Bee¡¯ Beetle Girl x
---This red bar is overflowing with the repressed anger of a young girl---
STATS
Health: 6 Stamina: 9 Armor: 6
Carry Weight: 60 Top Speed: 13,5 km/h Mana: 18
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 3 Dexterity: 4 Intelligence: 9 Vitality: 3
Athleticism: 3 Perception: 3 Wisdom: 7 Defense: 3
ABILITIES PASSIVES
¡®Beetle Breeze¡¯ ¡®Beetle Bolt¡¯ ¡®Beetle Barrier¡¯ ¡®Wayward Minor¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Beetle Brawn¡¯
¡°¡­Is that all it takes to show someone your screens!?¡± Panda exclaimed, seemingly offended by the banality of the verbal command. ¡°Wait, this is actually legible¡­¡± I muttered in confusion. I pulled up my own Status and repeated the command. As she looked at my info, she made some strange noises. ¡°It says your Athleticism is that of a ¡®bat¡¯ and that your Stamina is ¡®okay, I guess¡¯. How weird.¡± ¡°You understand what those sticks say!?¡± I exclaimed. ¡°µ±¤¿¤êÇ°¤À¤è,¡± she replied with a deep Yakuza-like voice. More commotion from above stopped me from asking follow-up questions, and quickly it felt like the entire spiderweb structure was in motion, as though every creature within was making a break for the exit. An exit that lay behind us¡­ Chapter -37 Spider humanoids swarmed around us and I swung left-and-right wildly, BONK after BONK echoing through the Production Control Room structure. The concussive impacts of every hit crushed and pulverized nearby monitors and screens, while splattering the creatures and sending blue blood everywhere, staining the walls, floor, and ceiling. Brock was whooping and yelling in ecstasy, while Bee stayed behind me, conserving her mana for when it mattered. The room past the reception, which I belatedly realized was a waiting room, became so crowded with dead bodies that the flexible floor began to sag. Coupled with the copious amount of blood soaking into the flexible silk fibers, the result was that, after just a couple minutes of ceaseless slaughter, a loud tearing of fabric announced an enormous hole forming in the floor. The dead rained down to the bottom of the cavern far below, while yet more of their brethren stormed us. More than a few times I¡¯d been cut and stabbed by the creatures¡¯ claws, but whatever venom they possessed was slow to make itself known. After what felt like an eternity, but which was maybe just eight minutes in total, my muscles were sore and useless, my Stamina utterly vaporized, and my body hardly able to stand upright. As I took a wobbling step backwards, Bee pushed in front of me and let off a Beetle Bolt that tore through a spider that¡¯d been about to go for my throat, before activating her Beetle Brawn. The carapace on her body visibly thickened and grew, repelling the attacks of the last few stragglers of the mass exodus of Broadcast Department employees. I¡¯d completely lost count of how many I¡¯d killed, but it might¡¯ve been as high as thirty or even forty. My clothes were soaked in blue blood, my skin was stained in the same hue, and my hair had chunks of viscera and small bone fragments in it. Panda, somehow, was utterly unscathed, staying on Bee¡¯s shoulder throughout the whole ordeal. Even now he was actively advising her on who to shoot. ¡°That one, on the ceiling!¡± he yelled and Bee swung her arm up. ¡°Beetle Bolt!¡± The buzzing drone of her projectile filled the reception and made my tired ears hurt. Her target, a horrified-looking spider, didn¡¯t even have time to get out of the way before it was cored through the head. Bee was evidently out of steam though, as she began to look unsteady on her feet. The last two spiders jumped her, but their strikes rebounded off her green carapace. With a loud exhale of air, Bee hammered her fist into the chin of the nearest one, sending it reeling backwards. I struggled to my feet and shambled over, just in time to see her strike the other one in the side of the head. As they were preparing to attack her again, they saw me come closer and quickly decided not to test fate. They spun around, tethered themselves to the floor and then leapt out of the hole. ¡°Oh no, you don¡¯t!¡± Bee said through gritted teeth, then knelt down and began tearing at the tethers they¡¯d made. But the silk was too strong for her hands to pull apart. That didn¡¯t deter her though, instead she just switched to her teeth. ¡°Enough, Bee! Just let them escape!¡± Panda pleaded. I came over and fell to my knees beside her, trying to tear the fabric as well. But the lack of Stamina made me too weak. I also realized that the venom from the spiders was having some sort of Vitality-draining effect. With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, splattering my frayed scraps of a once-beautiful suit in blood. Bee let out a sound of frustration, but gave up on trying to sever the tethers, then she too dropped to her back. Around us, the blood from the ceiling dripped down as though we were in a cave full of stalactites, the sound soothing in a way. ¡°That was fucked up, you guys,¡± Panda said in exasperation. ¡°You didn¡¯t have to kill them all! They were clearly noncombatants!¡± ¡°What about us?¡± I said. ¡°We were noncombatants too, before this shit.¡± ¡°Two wrongs don¡¯t make a right,¡± he replied. ¡°Get off ye high horse, Jiminy Cricket!!¡± Brock told him. As though to reinforce Panda¡¯s argument, an achievement appeared. From the sound Bee made, I could tell she got it too:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Corporate Genocide¡¯ Killed more than thirty noncombatants of a GREAT GAME Agency.
This is one of those things that are bound to happen during the course of the GREAT GAME, as many of the Agencies¡¯ grunts and noncombatants always stay close to where the action is taking place. However, this is the first time that we¡¯ve handed out this achievement before the end of the 2nd Day. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. We¡¯re going to have to send a lot of faxes to the next-of-kin. There are children who¡¯ll never see their parents again. Thanks to you. I hope you feel good about yourselves.
Reward: ¡®Genocider Trophy¡¯
¡°God damn, they¡¯re really laying it on thick,¡± I groaned. ¡°Well, you did kill a bunch of people just doing their job¡­¡± Panda noted.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -10! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Game Event required for Level -11 0/1
¡°Oh, I levelled up,¡± I said, ignoring his scolding words. I didn¡¯t give two shits about some evil monsters profiting off humanity¡¯s slow extinction to their machinations. ¡°I need to clear the Game Event for the next level now. Wonder if it¡¯s retroactive for people not already at level 10?¡± ¡°I guess that¡¯d make the most sense,¡± Bee commented. ¡°I hit level 6 by the way. I got a new ability called ¡®Beetle Blast¡¯ from the level 5 achievement.¡± I clicked the pop-ups away and a photograph appeared above my face out of thin air. I grabbed it before it started floating down and said, ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Genocider Trophy¡¯ x
This is a family photo of one of the people you killed. Have a look at those smiling eight-eyed kids. They¡¯ll never smile like that again. In order to unlock the power trapped within, you must tear the photo apart, just like you tore their loved ones from them.
Weight: 0.2 Pandas
I glossed over the message, ignoring the guilt-tripping they were trying to pull, then tore the image in two. Bee had gotten the same reward, but she stared at the photograph for quite a long while.
Choose your reward! x
You¡¯re a monster, you know.
Pick one of the options: ¡®I-Frames¡¯ | ¡®Serial Killer¡¯ | ¡®Blood Sport¡¯
I rolled my eyes, then inspected the options.
¡®I-Frames¡¯ x
Passive Dodgerolling allows you to phase through attacks if timed correctly. We¡¯re not sure how this works¡­
¡®Serial Killer¡¯ x
Passive Killing a noncombatant or unarmed Player will give you a 1-hour-long 25% boost to Stamina and Health recovery, as well as a sweet dose of serotonin. Why fight people who fight back, when you can kill the innocent! Embrace the lifestyle you were meant to lead, you sicko!
¡®Blood Sport¡¯ x
Passive Spilling the blood of an Enemy or Player will increase your Movement Speed and Dexterity by 2 Attribute points for 5 minutes. Since you like showering in the blood of your enemies like a barbarian, this is right up your alley!
¡°Is it just me or have the tooltip messages gotten more aggressive?¡± Panda asked. I immediately picked ¡®I-Frames¡¯, even though I wasn¡¯t sure I knew how to do a dodgeroll¡­ ¡°Why are you glowing?¡± Bee asked, having scooted over to sit next to me. I hadn¡¯t even noticed she¡¯d begun sewing up the small puncture wounds in my torso, since I¡¯d been too focused on reading the options. ¡°I am?¡± I asked. Since I was still lying down, I lifted my right arm up to look at it. There was indeed a golden glow emanating from my skin, almost like a supernatural spray-on tan. Then a new kind of window appeared:
Congratulations! You have reached a Class milestone! x
Pick an option! You have reached the first Class milestone by reaching Level [?ERROR?]. You now have the choice between switching to a higher-quality Class or evolving your current one. An Evolved Class will follow the theme of your current Class, while a Class Change will be something new. Warning: changing Class will change your current Class abilities.
Change Class Evolve Class
Chapter -38 I thought about it for a while. ¡°If I picked Change Class, do you think it¡¯ll offer other Glitched classes?¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Panda said. ¡°But why risk it?¡± ¡°Won¡¯t they come after him even more if he becomes more Glitched?¡± Bee asked. ¡°At this point, it¡¯s like putting whipped cream atop frosting,¡± I replied. ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know what that means,¡± Panda said. ¡°He means that it doesn¡¯t matter,¡± the Beetle Girl explained. ¡°Uhuh¡­ Speaking of Classes, why¡¯d you get a normal Class??¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve been meaning to ask that as well,¡± I said. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s normal,¡± she said. ¡°It¡¯s clearly tied to my monster transformation.¡± ¡°But you don¡¯t have any broken skills¡­?¡± Panda argued. ¡°Maybe the System just thinks I¡¯m an actual Beetle now, like those REPD guys.¡± ¡°That makes a lot of sense,¡± I replied. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m picking Evolution.¡± I tapped the option:
You have chosen ¡®Evolve Class¡¯
Select an Evolution from the options
Exit Code 3 Break things in unexpected ways, whether through force or abstract nonsense Seed of Chaos Become a Wizard of Chaos by using your own insanity as fuel for corrupting spells QA Quality Assurance is all about beating things over-and-over until cracks form
Main Attribute: null Main Attribute: Intelligence Main Attribute: Vitality & Strength
Core Ability: null Core Ability: ¡®Insanity Spike¡¯ Core Ability: ¡®Forced Repetition¡¯
Core Passive: ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ Core Passive: ¡®Corrupting Aura¡¯ Core Passive: ¡®Autopilot Mode¡¯
¡°Definitely no to the Wizard one,¡± I said immediately. ¡°Corrupting things sounds kind of cool,¡± Bee commented. ¡°QA is probably more your style,¡± Panda joked. ¡°You like to slam your head against problems until something breaks.¡± ¡°And thus, through the power of elimination, I pick ¡®Exit Code 3¡¯!¡± ¡°No, wait¡ª!¡± Panda started to say, but I¡¯d clicked it already.
Class Choice Confirmation Required
This choice is final! You will not be able to change your Class again until level 20! Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°At least inspect the Class features, before you do any¡ª¡± ¡°YES!¡± I shouted and clicked the screen. ¡°You goddamn buffoon!!¡± Panda scolded me. But I wasn¡¯t listening, as it felt like my entire body was instantly submerged in hot water. Then a shock flowed through me, as though I¡¯d gripped a cattle fence. Another pulse followed, then another, and then the final one made my entire body spasm so forcefully that I nearly fell into the hole in the center of the floor, but Bee thankfully caught me. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Like a microwave, the System announced: *BING!* Class Evolution complete! ¡°That wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought it would be.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve got a hole in-between your clavicle bones now,¡± Bee said. ¡°Maybe that¡¯s the Plugin Slot it mentioned,¡± I replied, trying to look down at it, though it wasn¡¯t easy. ¡°You look like a discount Iron Man,¡± Panda remarked scathingly, obviously bitter that he didn¡¯t get his way. ¡°Status,¡± I said to bring up my new Status Screen. I also invested my new attribute point in Dexterity.
Level -10 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
---RED BAR WITH SPILLAGE IN BOTH DIRECTIONS---
STATS
Health: Ain¡¯t Not Good Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤±¤É Armor: Oobleck Coating
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Mountain Bike Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Quokka Intelligence: ? Vitality: Ribeye
Athleticism: òùòð Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Oobleck
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ null null ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯
¡°¡­Your status screen is completely messed up now.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got emojis!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°Let me see!¡± Bee said, putting her arms on my shoulders and shaking me rigorously, as though I owed her money. ¡°I wished you could have a look,¡± I said. ¡°Wow. That¡¯s so odd!¡± I tapped the ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ under my new Core options.
¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ x
Core Passive You¡¯re really not meant to have this¡­ The Plugin Slot is a literal slot in your body where you can insert ¡®Plugins¡¯. With this Passive also comes the potential to harvest Plugins from enemies. They have a low chance of appearing from common Enemies, but a high or even guaranteed chance on unique Enemies like Bosses. It¡¯s unclear what Plugins do, since the Moths are still trying to figure it out as we speak. They¡¯ve literally never seen this before, and they¡¯ve seen everything the System has to offer¡­ Current Plugin: null Current Plugin Ability: null Current Plugin Passive: null
¡°If I¡¯m reading this correctly, it seems like you can collect these ¡®Plugins¡¯ to get special abilities. Maybe you can even swap them to suit certain situations, that¡¯d be pretty cool actually.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Evolved!¡¯ Evolved your Class for the first time!
As if things couldn¡¯t get more Glitched and broken, you¡¯ve now acquired an Evolved Class that I¡¯m being told has never before been witnessed in the GREAT GAME! We¡¯re all shuddering at what you might break with this, so, in everyone¡¯s interest, we¡¯ve cooked up a special gift for you. Please accept it and insert it into your Plugin Slot straight away!
Reward: ¡®unAlive Plugin¡¯
Before I¡¯d even had time to answer, the achievement had popped and a thick metal cylinder appeared in the air and landed in my hands. ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, don¡¯t use that, obviously,¡± Panda said. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said.
¡®unAlive Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª We tailormade this for you, dear Gambit. Don¡¯t be scared. Insert this Plugin into the slot where it belongs. Come on, just do it. What¡¯s the worst that can happen? Everyone here at the office is chanting your name and cheering you on. So, what are you waiting for? Insert the Plugin, Gambit.
Weight: 11.2519 Pandas
Can you crack the code? User Arkyte figured it out! ¡°I kind of want to try it,¡± I said. ¡°Are you that fucking stupid!?¡± Bee nodded, also having inspected the item. ¡°Nothing like the thrill of the unknown.¡± ¡°Gambit, look at this girl, you¡¯ve poisoned her mind with your ridiculousness!¡± ¡°Do I really need to remind you that appraising you was what turned her insane?¡± I asked. The plushie looked away shamefully. I spun the Plugin around in my hands, it was actually quite heavy. There was a strange yearning in the Plugin Slot in the top of my chest, and I could feel my hands tingle with the desire to insert the clearly-malicious cylinder. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll keep it in my inventory,¡± I said, stowing it away. ¡°What!? No, throw it away! You had no qualms about throwing away the Pacifier and Left-handed Scissors, so why keep this clearly suicidal item!?¡± ¡°Because fuck you, that¡¯s why Panda! I do what I want!¡± Before he could climb up onto my shoulder, I picked up the balloon hammer and took a running jump across the hole in the floor of the Production Control¡¯s waiting room. ¡°Come back here!¡± yelled Panda. As I rounded a corner in the tunnel, I came out into a larger room full of desks and monitors. ¡°Finally, we¡¯re alone,¡± said Brock romantically. Chapter -39 If not for the off-white silken cocoon fabric of the walls, the office of the Production Control would seem almost normal. Of course, the desks and monitors were placed in a way that could accommodate the spider humanoids we¡¯d exterminated, but otherwise it could easily have been the interior of one of the ugly towers in downtown Castleburg. All of the workstations had been abandoned, but the screens and monitors were still active, despite no cables tied to them. ¡°It¡¯s probably some bullshit magic,¡± I muttered. ¡°Smash ¡®em with me!!¡± I was just about to take Brock up on the offer, when I saw what was depicted on one of the nearby screens. It was a man with a Satyr-like transformation that¡¯d given him furry hooves, a tail, red-purple skin, and ram¡¯s horns. What¡¯s more, he wielded a bow instead of a gun and was in the middle of a heated 1-on-1 with another man wielding an-honest-to-God AK47¡­ and somehow the bow-wielder was winning. ¡°I wonder if he¡¯s Glitched too?¡± ¡°Gambit, you oaf, come back here!¡± Panda yelled as Bee rounded the corner into the room with him on top of her head, his soft arms curled around her antenna as though they were steering sticks. ¡°Oh, there you are,¡± he said, his frustration immediately deflated. ¡°Look at this guy,¡± I told him, pointing to the screen. The Satyr had won against the AK47 guy, without being hit even once. Bee read the name that floated next to him. ¡°William Twine.¡± I turned around and looked at a different screen. On it was a man and a woman, both clad in Roman God-esque attire, looking like Mars and Justitia. Their skin color was an olive tan and they had golden-glowing eyes. As we watched, the woman pointed her hand at an attacking Player, conjuring a golden spear in the air that quickly impaled him, while the man deflected the bullets with some kind of holy bubble. ¡°Look like some real goodie-two-shoes,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Logan and Ophelia Maximillian,¡± Bee read. ¡°They¡¯re like supermodels.¡± ¡°Bet you they¡¯re framed as the ¡®good guys¡¯,¡± I commented. I¡¯d seen their type before and they were always hailed as paragons of morality. It was sickening to watch, so I looked away. On a nearby screen was someone I recognized. ¡°Is that Tina?¡± Panda quickly spun around on Bee¡¯s head, then went, ¡°Oh, you¡¯re right!¡± Tina was someone who had been in the Asylum with me for a bit, before being transferred to Madeville after escaping and assaulting a guy with battery acid. She was the kind of psycho that made everyone else seem normal by comparison, with a list of mental problems longer than the wishlist Santa got every year. But the main issue with her was the split personalities, because sometimes she had been kind and polite, but, as was evident from what I saw on the screen, she was currently in the persona that everyone had labelled ¡®Nina¡¯. I was unsure if she¡¯d come up with the name herself or if it was someone else, but the name had stuck. I watched as she used a bayonet on the end of a double-barrel to gore a guy, before releasing a blast of acidic spikes that melted through him and the nearby wall. Although there wasn¡¯t any sound emanating from the screens, it was clear that ¡®Nina¡¯ was cackling like a maniac all the while. Her appearance was also very different from the black-haired woman I¡¯d known, as she was now bald, grey-skinned, and covered in tattoos, with three additional gnarled limbs sprouting from her back. As two women charged for her with their own guns blaring, she casually reloaded her shotgun, while the three arms on her back began moving in a peculiar pattern, forming a ball of floating acid that was quickly sent towards them. It burst apart about four feet in front of them and absolutely drenched their bodies in voracious chemicals that ate through flesh and clothes, before the psycho leapt for them and began hacking them apart with the bayonet of her gun. ¡°She seems fun,¡± Bee remarked. Stolen novel; please report. I let out a sigh. ¡°Just as lovely as ever, isn¡¯t she, Panda?¡± ¡°She terrifies me,¡± he just said. ¡°Oi, I¡¯m bored.¡± ¡°You literally just killed over thirty people,¡± Panda scolded Brock. ¡°It¡¯s worn off, the high. Bored as, if I¡¯m honest.¡± I pulled my stare away from Nina. ¡°Let¡¯s keep going.¡± We moved through the office, only to end up in another, before following a tunnel that brought us down, where yet more offices lay. ¡°¡­See,¡± Panda said, gesturing around us. ¡°You just killed office workers!¡± ¡°You¡¯re still complaining about that?¡± I asked him. ¡°It was less than twenty minutes ago, you goddamn maniac!¡± ¡°Pandamonium,¡± Bee started, using his full name to indicate that she was upset. ¡°Do not call him names! If you are going to be upset, be upset at me. Gambit just backed me up. I was the one who took the first shot.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not fair!¡± he complained. ¡°I can¡¯t be mad at you. You¡¯re just a kid!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a kid!¡± she replied. I continued onward while they were busy bickering. All of the screens we passed by were just more Players taking part in the event. There were several that stood out and, as a consequence, were being tracked and displayed on the screens, but while someone else might have taken the time to study the competition, I just found that I really didn¡¯t care. ¡°Don¡¯t worry!¡± Panda suddenly told me. ¡°I¡¯ve got a bead on all the dangerous-looking Players. I know you don¡¯t care about that.¡± ¡°Stop reading my mind.¡± ¡°You¡¯re an open book.¡± ¡°I know you¡¯ve got psychic powers, you creepy teddy bear wannabe,¡± I said with a scowl. Panda stood up to his full height atop Bee¡¯s head, putting his arms on his ¡®hips¡¯. ¡°Say that again, Birthday Boy. I dare you.¡± ¡°Do you think they¡¯re all from Castleburg?¡± Bee asked, interrupting us. I broke eye-contact with the plushie, then shook my head and said, ¡°It has to be at least Madeville and one-or-two other towns. When I used my Dungeon-Break ability, it said there were over 16 thousand people alive.¡± ¡°Only?¡± she asked. ¡°I thought Castleburg alone had 80 thousand.¡± ¡°A lot were probably kids, then the rest were either hiding in public facilities and got turned into monsters or were killed when the Great Game started. Accounting for all that, maybe Castleburg alone had 10 thousand, if we¡¯re being generous.¡± ¡°Many people did die since the power and all that went out,¡± she answered thoughtfully. Panda still looked like he wanted to fight me, but I was over it already. We moved from office to office, until eventually we escaped the large cocoon structure housing them all and came to a small room that sprouted like a bulbous growth on the very bottom. As we walked out of the tunnel and into this room, we saw that there was only one thing here. It was neither a screen or a desk, nor even a spider creature. However, its presence did make the hairs on my skin stand up, as though it supercharged the air. I reached out and said, ¡°Inspect.¡± ERROR! Inspection failed! This is not an inanimate object. ¡°It¡¯s alive?¡± Panda muttered. I pulled out my Looking Glass and scanned it.
Level 33 ¡®Psychic Snail¡¯ Enemy x
¡°I can see your mind.¡± Players aren¡¯t meant to learn about these creatures, but here we are. Sometimes the System creates Enemies that never feature in Dungeons, Events, nor roam around in the world. Instead, those Enemies serve a unique purpose tied to the operation of the GREAT GAME. In the case of the Psychic Snail, its purpose is to be the very means by which the Broadcast Department is capable of keeping a track of Players taking part in Events. Those images you saw on those screens were all thanks to this bizarre specimen. They are quite weak by nature, since they don¡¯t have a natural habitat or any sort of defenses against attackers, as their only purpose in life is to be a telepathic medium that guides the Eye-Spy Drones and predicts exciting scenarios for the Broadcast Department to film. Ironically, it can¡¯t predict its own fate, hence why there was no warning for the people you slaughtered about your arrival. Please just turn around and pretend like you didn¡¯t see this. We¡¯ll give you a nice reward if you do. ¡ªPLUGIN¡ª ¡®unCollide¡¯
¡°¡­It¡¯s a what?¡± ¡°It has a Plugin!¡± Panda noticed. ¡°I guess I have to kill it then,¡± I said. WARNING! Glitch-Hunter Task Force deploying to your area! We know where you are. You cannot hide. Extermination imminent. ¡°Ah, what now¡­¡± Chapter -40 A sound like tearing fabric came from outside the cocoon structure and seemed to emanate above the amphitheater. It was immediately followed by a loud bass-deep thrum of wings. I had no idea what had just manifested itself into being, but it sounded absolutely massive in scale. ¡°Crack open the snail and let¡¯s get the hell out of here!¡± Panda urged. I didn¡¯t waste a moment and elbow-slammed the iridescent shell of the Psychic Snail. Like sugar glass, the exoskeleton burst apart into powder and small fingernail-sized fragments, revealing a pale slimy body. The part that¡¯d been hidden by the swirling chambers of the shell still held that peculiar shape, while the rest visibly began to sag. The head of the snail slowly pulled itself off of the floor, with the eye-stalks telescoping outwards and its large mouth flaps chewing on themselves. It was somehow kind of adorable, but I wanted the Plugin it held and I wanted to cut off the broadcast, so it had to die. I smashed Brock down onto its head. BONK! ? BONK ? The squishy flesh flattened against the floor as both of the attacks landed, producing a sad slimy squelch, before slowly pulling itself back together. ¡°It¡¯s not working!¡± I said in horror. ¡°Its body is too soft!¡± ¡°Stand back,¡± Bee said, and I immediately obeyed. She aimed her palm at the pitiful head of the Snail, then said, ¡°Beetle Blast!¡± A tiny needle shot out through the hole in her hand, lancing into the creature¡¯s head and producing a strange slurp as the hole it formed was quickly squeezed shut. A moment of silence passed, then the Snail¡¯s head began rapidly expanding, before blowing up like a skin balloon filled with too much air. Some of the jelly-like meat spattered into my open mouth, tasting like grape pudding, while Panda, atop of Bee¡¯s head, had to dodge a golf-ball-sized eye with the stalk still attached. ¡°Not bad aye. Nine out of ten,¡± Brock commented, as though he was a judge of the grotesque and macabre handing out a score. As the Psychic Snail died, a metaphysical tremor rolled out from its body, feeling similar to the tingling sensation of the brain zaps, which I used to get from going cold turkey on the medications forced into my body by the Asylum orderlies. All my muscles started to quiver like instruments in an orchestra, while my fingers involuntarily splayed and curled in a strange rhythm. Then a single wordless sound was blown into the depths of my ear canals, sending a carpet of goosebumps rippling across my skin. Bee made a strange noise and even Panda was affected, though Brock was silent for once. ¡°That was¡­ something,¡± I mumbled. Hissing and bubbling emanated from the snails dead body, as it quickly began to boil in the room-temperature air, its squishy flesh evaporating into invisible particulates that I highly doubted were good to inhale. I drew in a deep breath. Bee imitated me. ¡°Tastes a bit like chicken on the tongue,¡± she commented. I nodded. ¡°Not the worst I¡¯ve had.¡± ¡°Stop that!¡± Panda scolded us. ¡°Don¡¯t breathe it in!¡± ¡°Brock doesn¡¯t have a nose. That¡¯s proper sad, ey?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll find an evolution that gives you a nose,¡± I told him. ¡°I love you!!¡± ¡°Look!¡± Panda said, pointing at the ground where the Snail had been. There was a floating red wisp, similar to the one that I¡¯d seen after killing a Player some hours ago, granted the color was different. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°I don¡¯t see anything,¡± Bee muttered. I stooped and put my hand on the wisp. Leftovers of Enemy ¡®Psychic Snail¡¯: ¡®unCollide Plugin¡¯ Without hesitation, I picked it up. It was pretty heavy for its foot-long size, and was constructed of a shimmering type of silver metal. I quickly inspected it:
¡®unCollide Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Although harvested from a Psychic Snail, this Plugin does not do what you think it does. When collision is a bother, just unCollide. Plugin Ability: back_door.bat Plugin Passive: Glitch Collision
Weight: 24.151518 Pandas
What could the numbers mean?? I had no idea what it meant by ¡®unCollide¡¯, so I looked at the two skills to see if they explained it further.
¡®back_door.bat¡¯ x
Plugin Ability Normally only reserved for the GREAT GAME¡¯s special forces, like the Glitch Hunters, this is a System executable that allows you to cross boundaries, whether physical or metaphysical. It has some unexpected uses, due to how flexible its definition of a ¡®boundary¡¯ is. WARNING! Possession of this Ability is prohibited! Utilizing this Ability constitutes major System Subversion! Cooldown: 2 hours
¡®Glitch Collision¡¯ x
Plugin Passive This isn¡¯t any normal kind of Passive, as it applies its affect to only some of your skills. All listed skills have +4x knockback, though can no longer activate recursively. Knockback effects also cause some unexpected results when environment collision is involved. Affected Skills: ¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ Affected Items: ¡®Brock¡¯
¡°I have more questions than answers,¡± Panda said, reflecting my inner thoughts. ¡°Can I see?¡± Bee asked. I spoke the strangely-verbose command, but in response she just made a ¡°Huh¡± sound. ¡°It¡¯s giving me an error that says ¡®Restricted Access¡¯.¡± ¡°Weird.¡± ¡°I think you should slot it into your chest,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Even though you lose the crazy power of your Punch Harder ability, since this prevents the recursion from taking place, you¡¯ll get insane knockback power that, to my ears, sounds like it might glitch your opponents into the environment.¡± ¡°It also affects Brock, for some reason,¡± I said. ¡°Fak yes cunt!!¡± ¡°Brock! There is a Minor here! Enough with that foul mouth of yours!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Since when did you care?¡± I asked him. ¡°I really don¡¯t mind,¡± Bee replied. A tremor rolled across the web structure of the Production Control. ¡°Uh, guys?¡± Panda started. ¡°Do you remember that strange sound from just before you killed the Snail?¡± ¡°What about it?¡± ¡°Well, while we¡¯ve been chatting, I think those Glitch Hunters have found our location.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go beat them up,¡± I said. ¡°I want to try out this new thing.¡± I lifted the Plugin up, then carefully inserted the end into the cavity at the top of my chest. With a perfectly-tight fit, the cylinder slowly slid down into my body, before releasing a puff of steam and popping out a small turning lever. I spun it clockwise with my right hand, and then a jolt of energy flowed through me. PLUGIN INSERTED. Booting up ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol. Installing¡­ A sound like that of a dial-up modem tore through the air, before a loud click! seemed to announce its completion. PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol now in effect! Chapter -41 As we were moving back through the structure, leaving behind the room that¡¯d held the Psychic Snail, the floor and walls wobbled uncertainly, as though the fabric was under intense pressure from outside. Bee was staying behind me, Panda still on top of her head, while I led the way with Brock held at the ready. We were passing by the now-dead screens and monitors of one of the many office rooms, when suddenly the wall ahead of us tore open, revealing a bulky figure. His body was like that of the Beetle Agents but larger in every way and almost eight feet tall, plus the species of Beetle his carapace imitated was different as well. What¡¯s more, his right forearm was inflated to three times its normal girth, as though the weapon buried in his palm could release much more devastating projectiles than that of his smaller cousins. I swung my Looking Glass up, getting a quick glimpse before charging ahead.
Level 85 ¡®#17¡¯ Glitch Hunter x
¡°Glitch spotted. Extermination imminent.¡± Job: Glitch Hunter Affiliation: Glitch-Hunter Task Force While the Agents of the REPD generally handle System Subversion, they are not the upper echelon of those handling Glitches. Instead they are like the Local Police, whereas the Glitch Hunters are Federal. It¡¯s not exactly the best comparison, but all you need to know is that these guys are fucking scary. They are called in for times when a major Subversion is suspected to happen. They are allowed to utilize System skills that violate the System itself, which is quite ironic, but they function off the ¡°fight fire with fire¡± mentality. Thus, whatever advantage you think you might have probably doesn¡¯t exist. You should definitely run. They seem eager to hurt you.
¡°Don¡¯t fight him!¡± Panda yelled, but I¡¯d already leapt at him. With a diagonal swing, I sent the tripled-headed hammer directly at the Hunter¡¯s face, but it passed through his body, as he turned translucent and incorporeal. It seemed similar to the I-Frames passive I¡¯d unlocked. As he lifted his right arm towards me, the Double Trouble Ghost Strike followed the motions of my initial swing, but this one could hit incorporeal matter, as it, for some reason, classified metaphysical matter as a type of ¡®armor¡¯. ? BONK ? It was hard to gauge the expressions of a Beetle like him, but I was fairly sure he was surprised, before the 4x knockback of my Plugin triggered and sent him down into the floor with so much speed that he just passed through the web fabric. Actually, it wasn¡¯t because of the speed, but rather my Glitch Collision passive, I realized. ¡°What just happened!?¡± Panda asked. ¡°He disappeared!¡± ¡°I think I sent him through the building,¡± I muttered. Then I heard a tearing of fabric next to me, and the same Glitch Hunter fell out of the rift in reality, landing on his armored feet, before swinging his arm up. ¡°Recursive.action(Beetle_Bolt),¡± he said. In the same moment, I awkwardly dodgerolled towards him, just as something like a thousand spinning and buzzing Beetle Bolts tore through the spot that I rolled across, each projectile faster than the previous one. The last few came so quickly that they popped the air with tiny bursts of supersonic shockwaves. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Thanks to my I-Frames, the dodgeroll made the projectiles tear through me as I became incorporeal. I was glad to learn that the collision with objects didn¡¯t affect the ground, but only attacks, as I¡¯d otherwise have dropped through the floor. I leapt up from below and hit him in the crotch with Brock. This time his incorporeal defense didn¡¯t activate, and I sent him upwards into the ceiling with the first impact. BONK! Once again, he flew through the fabric, but this time his feet were stuck on our side, while it seemed like his body continued moving. Although I couldn¡¯t see his body outside, I guessed, from the horrific stretching and tearing sound, that he was experiencing a very traumatic amputation of his legs. Another rift appeared above me, and the Glitch Hunter once again rematerialized, falling to the ground in a spatter of white paint-like blood, with the bottom-half of his body now three times longer than before and half as thin. A moment later his feet fell down from the ceiling. ¡°Holy shit, Gambit!¡± Panda exclaimed at the result of what I¡¯d done. ¡°Beetle Blast,¡± Bee exclaimed, sending a needle-sized projectile at the Hunter¡¯s head. The projectile not only failed to penetrate and plinked off his carapace, but it also curved weirdly through the air and reflected back into Bee¡¯s upper torso, where it sunk in and disappeared. I watched in horror as the carapace on her body expanded. ¡°Beetle Brawn!¡± she quickly yelled to counteract the effect, but then a loud pop blasted apart her upper torso, spraying white blood like that of the Hunter, before she collapsed to the ground. ¡°Bee!¡± I yelled in terror. ¡°Gambit, you¡¯ve gotta use the Back Door to get her out of here!¡± Panda yelled, his chubby and plushie body standing in front of where she¡¯d fallen, his hands on her as though he could actually do something to save her from the grapefruit-sized hole in her body. I swung Brock down onto the head of the Hunter who was prone on the ground, but a gust of condensed wind exploded outward from his body, sending me flying backwards into a monitor that broke under my weight. Even the Ghost Strike was repelled and dissipated. When I looked back at him, his body had returned to normal and he was getting back to his feet. ¡°Fuck!¡± I shouted in frustration, then quickly hurried over and scooped Bee up into my arms, before running back the way we¡¯d just come. Panda quickly crawled onto my shoulder. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta use it, Gambit!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know how!¡± I yelled. ¡°Just say the name of the ability and think about the boundary you¡¯d like to cross. I don¡¯t know, imagine that you¡¯re stepping through a door that leads to the room with the Colored Paths or something! Just hurry!¡± A tremor rolled through the floor as the Glitch Hunter came in hot pursuit. ¡°back_door.bat!¡± I yelled, trying to follow Panda¡¯s instructions, while continuing to put distance between us and the unkillable Hunter. Then I stumbled forward as the tip of my shoe hooked on part of the floor. I landed on my knees, the impact of stones sending a jarring jolt up through my body and making me drop Bee. As I looked to where she¡¯d tumbled, I saw that the surroundings were different. We were no longer in the Production Control. We were back near the Colored Doors where I¡¯d used the Conspiracy Whistle and gotten a lot of people killed as a result. Also, the thing I¡¯d tripped on wasn¡¯t the floor, but rather the dead body of the woman who¡¯d shot me. I scrambled over to Bee¡¯s side, not really thinking about how we¡¯d escaped the Glitch Hunter, but rather focusing on the fact that I needed to save her. Quickly navigating through my inventory, I pulled out the Survival Kit and the Sewing Kit inside. Though I had no idea how it¡¯d work on her strange carapace-covered skin, I quickly began moving the needle through her body, circling the hole in her torso. It seemed clear that this Beetle Brawn ability had saved her life, but not by much, as she had stopped breathing completely. When I finished with my shoddy needlework, the flesh quickly healed back to normal, before turning green and becoming covered in a tough carapace. I moved her around to get a look at her back, since the explosion had torn a hole all the way through, but it had also been healed. ¡°She¡¯s not breathing!¡± Panda panicked. ¡°Relax!¡± I yelled at him. ¡°I¡¯m already panicking here! I need you to be the voice of reason! What do I do now??¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know! Shake her or something!?¡± I shook her, but nothing happened. ¡°Use CPR ya numbskulls!!¡± Brock scolded us. ¡°Got it!¡± I moved her onto her back, then began using both of my hands to push against her chest with a steady motion, making sure to apply enough pressure that it actually had an effect, which was easier said than done, due to the thickness of her carapace. For what felt like hours, I kept up this rhythm, until suddenly Panda exclaimed, ¡°She¡¯s alive!¡± I immediately lifted my hands away and she began coughing violently, some blood coming out with spit and bile. ¡°Ugh,¡± she groaned. Panda immediately hugged her arm. ¡°Oh god, I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re not dead!¡± the plushie wailed. ¡°What happened?¡± she asked, looking around. ¡°Where are we?¡± ¡°We¡¯re back in the Game Event,¡± I said. There was a pause as she looked around, then she said, ¡°Aw¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t get a weapon¡­¡± I laughed. ¡°You need your priorities checked!¡± ¡°But I really wanted my own talking weapon! Like maybe a scythe or a flamethrower.¡± ¡°Yiz got Brock!!¡± Bee sat up. ¡°I suppose I¡¯ll be ranged backup then.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± Panda said, annoyed. ¡°After all that we¡¯re still going to kill more Players?? I thought you went there to stop the Broadcast and end the Event to save everyone!¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, confused. ¡°No, that¡¯s not why I went there at all. I just wanted to kill the Announcer.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a real piece of work,¡± he commented. I got back to my feet. ¡°This time we¡¯re picking the Red door,¡± I said and walked over to where the guy who¡¯d turned into a furry monster lay dead. I nudged his broken corpse aside with my shoe, then pulled the handle to open the door. ¡°Are you coming?¡± Bee lifted Panda up onto her head, then joined me by the door. ¡°Let¡¯s go kill some of those posers we saw,¡± she replied confidently. ¡°I wonder if there¡¯s any Class that specializes in helping people like you,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Don¡¯t forget you need us to be insane to see you,¡± I told him. ¡°It¡¯d be quite lonely for you if we were sane. Besides, it just seems boring.¡± ¡°I¡¯m slowly realizing the problem inherent with my existence¡­¡± he replied. I changed the topic. ¡°Last time, you said this would¡¯ve been the Boss door, but since there aren¡¯t any bosses here, it¡¯ll be a surprise what we get.¡± ¡°I love surprises,¡± Bee said. ¡°Brock loves ¡®em too!!¡± ¡°I hope it¡¯s a blender trap so I won¡¯t have to deal with you two anymore,¡± Panda joked darkly. Bee and I both walked through the doorway, before it quickly closed and became a wall against our backs. Chapter -42 ¡°What the hell is this hallway?¡± I asked, walking along on the squishy floor, the bouncy motions of which were only exacerbated by my moon boots. ¡°It¡¯s a rubber room,¡± Bee said, surprised. ¡°I was in a rubber room once,¡± I said. ¡°Was it full of rats?¡± ¡°What? No.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah. Although I guess Mike was a bit of a rat. In the sense that he used to chew wires and cables.¡± ¡°So¡­¡± Panda started, standing atop of Bee¡¯s head and looking at the squishy hallway we moved down. ¡°What do you think we¡¯ll find? If it¡¯s not a Boss, then what could it be?¡± Then, within just a few moments, the hallway ended in a door. ¡°Huh,¡± I remarked. I pulled open the door and a massive surge of wind from behind shoved us all through it. We tumbled along hard stones, before I hit a wall, only for Bee to fly into me a moment later. ¡°Ow.¡± Bee got up and looked around at where we¡¯d ended up, only to make a strange noise. ¡°What is it?¡± I asked, looking around at the world upside-down. Immediately I saw the two people in front of us. They were dressed like Roman Gods, and even looked the part with their sculpted olive-tanned bodies, golden-glowing eyes, and haughty demeanors. ¡°Ah, crap, I think it still sent you to a Boss,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Except the Boss is whoever is in the lead of this Event¡­¡± The woman, Ophelia, lifted her arm, but the man, Logan, stopped her. ¡°You¡¯re Gambit,¡± he said. ¡°Hi there,¡± I replied, still upside-down. ¡°I¡¯ve heard much about you.¡± ¡°Really? I haven¡¯t heard anything about you.¡± ¡°Indeed? My Sister and I are both well-known as the Saviors of Madeville.¡± ¡°Saviors?¡± I asked. ¡°Is that why you¡¯ve been killing people?¡± Both of them had weapons hanging from simple holsters on their heroic-looking attire. The guns were highly-evolved, as they looked a far cry from the flintlocks that everyone except me had started with. As I¡¯d seen in the brief view of them through the monitor earlier, they both clearly favored using their Class skills. I quickly pulled my Looking Glass out, the woman tensing up, but the man once again halting her. ¡°We have only killed those who sought to hurt us.¡±
Level 10 ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯ Player x
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m pretty great.¡± Class: Heroic Savior Main Attribute(s): Wisdom & Strength Brought up in wealth, or at least what amounts to it in Madeville, Logan has a very high opinion of himself and his family. Once a quarterback for the ¡®Madeville Trolls¡¯ and a part-time model for a local mani-pedi store called ¡®Nailed It¡¯, it is clear that Logan was always destined for greatness. At least, he has always believed so. To him, the GREAT GAME is his chance to prove himself to the world. Like seemingly all fraternal twins, he has an unhealthy relationship with his sister, but don¡¯t tell him we said that, it¡¯s one of his triggers. He looks down upon you.
¡°Are you planning on hurting us?¡± he asked Bee and I. ¡°Not particularly,¡± I said, after noting that he also had an Evolved Class. ¡®Heroic Savior¡¯ did sound like a total goodie-two-shoes Class though, but, if game logic was anything to go by, that meant he¡¯d be very difficult to kill. He basically radiated main-character energy. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Bee said. The woman, Ophelia, turned her menacing gaze on her. ¡°It could be kind of fun to do a 2 v. 2 without Event weapons.¡± Logan seemed to think about this for a moment. I spun around and got to my feet, taking the opportunity to scan his sister. Though I couldn¡¯t tell how, I was fairly sure that Logan was inspecting Bee and I at the same time.
Level 10 ¡®Ophelia Maximillian¡¯ Player x
¡°I always win.¡± Class: Spear Maiden Main Attribute(s): Defense, Intelligence, & Athleticism Believe it or not, Ophelia is the black sheep of the Maximillian family, which, as you might imagine based on the name, is a family of people who think very highly of themselves. The reason why, is simply that she prefers junk food to caviar and foie gras. To her family, this is the behavior of a destitute. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Before the GREAT GAME, she was the local Madeville Taekwondo champion. Granted, almost all tournaments she participated in were against literal kids and teenagers, but she didn¡¯t care, so long as she got to hurt people. She¡¯s not as attached to her brother as he is to her and believes that without him she¡¯d go to much greater heights. She seems eager to fight you.
¡°They¡¯re both Level 10,¡± I whispered to Bee. Ophelia smiled. ¡°We¡¯ll destroy you.¡± Her voice wasn¡¯t anything like what I¡¯d guessed, as she had the kind of crackly tone of someone who smoked eight packets of cigarettes daily. Basically, she sounded like she was 62 years old. Meanwhile, her brother had the voice of a poser, with all its faux deep tones and odd inflections. I looked them both up-and-down. Aside from the gaudy Roman armor, their physiques were sculpted like statues of warriors, with Ophelia¡¯s arms and legs lined with lean muscle, while her brother had wide shoulders and thick arms and thighs. Both of them were at least six-feet tall, with Ophelia being the tallest of the two. ¡°You get to decide, Gambit,¡± Logan told me. Rolling my neck and producing a series of satisfying pops, I said, ¡°Fuck it, why not? Are we fighting to the death?¡± Ophelia¡¯s smile widened into a sadistic grin. ¡°I¡¯ll take that as a yes.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s fak ¡®em up!!¡± Brock yelled excitedly. Panda crawled down from atop Bee¡¯s head to sit on her shoulder. ¡°You guys are morons.¡± ¡°On the count of three,¡± Logan started. I squeezed the grip on Brock. It seemed that neither of the twins were going to use their guns, which meant they probably had a pretty formidable arsenal of skills. ¡°Isn¡¯t it cheating if you use your hammer, when they¡¯re not using their weapons?¡± Bee whispered. ¡°Fuck ¡®em,¡± I replied. ¡°Three!¡± Logan then yelled and his sister launched forward, conjuring spears in the air. ¡°Hah! I knew they were faking it!¡± Panda yelled, as Bee activated her Beetle Brawn, before sending forward a Bolt aimed at Logan¡¯s throat. ¡°Sacred Barrier!¡± the Heroic Savior yelled, forming the same holy bubble I¡¯d seen on the cameras. Bee¡¯s attack was immediately repelled. ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± I shout, aiming my hand at him, while charging forward with Brock held at the ready. Suddenly a spear from the right slapped against the side of my head harmlessly, before it was reflected back at Ophelia, who was in the middle of stabbing another golden spear into Bee¡¯s curled-up backplates, only for it to be rebounded by her thick carapace. ¡°Watch out!¡± Logan yelled to his sister, but the spear went straight through her neck and impaled her against the wall, where it held her aloft by its buried tip. Bee didn¡¯t waste a second and went on the offensive, ¡°Beetle Blast!¡± The thin needle dug into Ophelia¡¯s forehead. A second later her head blew up. Logan let out a scream of despair, just in time for me to land a hit with Brock. BONK! His body was sent straight through the stone floor, his screaming voice immediately extinguished. Blue particles from Ophelia¡¯s weapon began flowing into Brock, perhaps because Bee didn¡¯t have a weapon of her own. ¡°Eh¡­ that was kind of easy, wasn¡¯t it?¡± I said. ¡°You just got lucky!¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°You¡¯d be dead right now if your random reflect hadn¡¯t triggered! Pay more attention, you absolute shit-for-brains!¡± ¡°Pandamonium!¡± Bee said loudly, making the Panda on her shoulder freeze up. ¡°Do not speak to Gambit like that!¡± ¡°Fine! But you guys got lucky! That¡¯s all!¡± ¡°Brock thinks pretty-boy didn¡¯t die,¡± my hammer said. Given that no blue particles were flowing my way through the floor, I was inclined to agree with him. ¡°I wonder where he went?¡± Bee said.
Weaponlution ¡ª Level 13
Blunt +50% Impact -100% All Other Damage Types Purple+ Purple2 Instant Delivery +Double Trouble¡¯s 2nd strike hits immediately
¡°¡®Purple+¡¯ is back¡­¡± I groaned. ¡°They really want you to pick it,¡± Panda remarked. I selected ¡®Instant Delivery¡¯ instead, as it was clearly the superior choice. Nothing visually happened to Brock, although he did make a weird sound.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Hero Slayer¡¯ Killed a ¡®Morally Good¡¯ Player!
You fought and killed one of the most popular and renowned Players in your region. This is unlikely to garner you much favor from other Players, especially the thousands of people who were saved by their actions before the first EVENT. This is, however, a great start to your villain origin story. And as you know from any WWE match, a Hero¡¯s story doesn¡¯t sell unless there is a Heel for them to direct their righteous fury at.
Reward: ¡®unHero Plugin¡¯
¡°I got an achievement,¡± I told Bee, then said, ¡°I wished you could have a look.¡± ¡°I wanna be a villain as well,¡± she said. ¡°It sounds fun.¡± ¡°Right now you¡¯re just the henchman,¡± Panda remarked dryly. ¡°Doesn¡¯t that mean I get killed off immediately?¡± ¡°I¡¯m promoting you to Co-Villain,¡± I joked. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯ll increase the survival rate,¡± she replied. ¡°Hmm.¡± ¡°I also got an achievement by the way. It¡¯s kind of mean. Look.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Revenge of the Nerd¡¯ Killed a popular Player!
You fought and killed a popular Player, motivated by nothing but your inferiority complex. But that¡¯s okay, the Broadcast Department says it¡¯s good for the show¡­ or at least it would¡¯ve been, if you hadn¡¯t destroyed the Broadcast¡¯s signal in your area¡­ Thanks for that, by the way. We¡¯ve had to fire a lot of people because of your actions, and now their kids will die of starvation. Have this, I guess.
Reward: ¡®Nerdy Spectacles¡¯
As we both clicked away our pop-ups, their rewards manifested in the air. Big chunky glasses with circular frames fell into Bee¡¯s hands, while a hefty battery-like Plugin fell into mine. Before I could inspect mine, Bee showed me her new glasses. ¡°They¡¯re actually really good!¡±
¡®Nerdy Spectacles¡¯ x
All you need now is a sweater your grandmother knitted and socks in sandals. Unlocks the ability to use ¡®Appraisal¡¯ on other Players to see their Status screen. Bet you like that, Nerd.
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°What the hell, that¡¯s actually really good.¡± ¡°I take offense to being called a nerd though!¡± Bee exclaimed, pointing a finger at the ceiling. ¡°I was clearly an Emo before I became a Beetle!¡± ¡°Does it matter what people call you?¡± I asked. Bee gave me a very serious look. ¡°Of course it does! Why else would I dye my hair and wear black clothes!?¡± A sound of tearing fabric came from nearby, as a hole in the fabric of reality was torn open. ¡°Ah, shit, the Glitch Hunter is still after us,¡± I groaned. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here!¡± Panda urged. Though I wasn¡¯t one to run away from a fight, I was reminded of how he had survived being torn in half and how he had almost killed Bee with some sort of projectile reflection like mine. It was possible that my new Plugin held an ability to deal with him inside it, but there was no time to check. I took Bee by the hand. ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± Chapter -43 The hallway that the Red door dropped us into, where the Maximillian twins had been, led to a large rectangular room that almost looked like an indoor skate park, thanks to ramps and bowls dug into the stone floor. There were dead bodies scattered around, and it was clear that the twins had killed them before running into us. As we moved through the room, the tremor of the pursuing Glitch Hunter was constantly felt through the floor, which was quite ominous and made it impossible for me to feel like I could take a break. I wondered absentmindedly if it was some kind of intimidation aura he possessed, it was certainly a long time since I¡¯d felt this kind of sensation. From the skate-park-esque room sprouted three different hallways and we picked the leftmost one at the behest of Panda. This one led down a snaking tunnel only five feet wide. Bee was sticking to me as I ran in front of her. Little-by-little the tremors in the floor abated, as we put more distance between us and the Hunter, but they didn¡¯t disappear entirely. ¡°He must have something similar to your ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ability,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Smack ¡®im with me!!¡± Brock squealed eagerly. I lifted up the hammer as we continued down the ponderous tunnel. ¡°I already tried that and it didn¡¯t work.¡± ¡°Just smack ¡®im harder!!¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t use your Punch Harder on him,¡± Panda remarked, actually paying attention to what Brock was saying. ¡°My plugin prevents it, and he might have the Interrupt ability as well, so I thought it was too much of a risk.¡± ¡°¡­Wait, you were actually being cautious?¡± The way he said it made it seem like he didn¡¯t believe I had the capacity for such a thing. ¡°Panda, Gambit isn¡¯t a moron like you think,¡± Bee defended me. ¡°Thanks¡­¡± I said. ¡°I don¡¯t know, the evidence would disagree with you on that.¡± Suddenly the tunnel ended in a wall with a single hole in it. It looked like a slide similar to the kind found in indoor pools. Except, of course, it was made of the strangely-smooth organic-looking stone and there was no light within, so it was a sinister darkness that awaited within. ¡°Ah, crap¡­¡± Panda commented. ¡°Should we enter it?¡± Bee asked hesitantly. ¡°We don¡¯t know where it goes,¡± the plushie replied wisely. I started lifting my legs up into it, before sitting down on the edge and steadying myself against the wall. ¡°We don¡¯t have a choice,¡± I told them. ¡°We know that there¡¯s a scary motherfucker back the way we came, and I get the feeling that nothing else in here even compares to how dangerous he is.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a good point, actually,¡± Panda said, once again surprised. ¡°Wait¡­ did evolving your Class increase your Intelligence?¡± he asked. ¡°It turned it from ¡®TBD¡¯ and into a frowning smiley, so not sure.¡± Bee put a carapace-covered green finger against the side of the Nerdy Spectacles she¡¯d unlocked from killing Ophelia, then said, ¡°Appraise.¡± As she, I guessed, looked at my nonsensical Status, she nodded thoughtfully to herself. ¡°I think a frowning smiley is mildly better than ¡®To-be-determined¡¯.¡± ¡°Whatever,¡± I groaned. ¡°Let¡¯s just get going.¡± The tremors were picking back up again, so it was clear that the Glitch Hunter was coming closer. ¡°I¡¯ll be right behind you,¡± Bee promised and I pushed myself down the dark stone tube. ¡°Weeeeee¡­!¡± screamed Brock excitedly. I¡¯d only been sliding down for a few seconds, when an achievement appeared.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Nyctophobia¡¯ Ventured down a dark path without fear.
You know, not a lot of people would confidently go down a pitch-black tube slide with an unknown destination, but I guess you¡¯re just built different, huh?
Reward: ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ Passive
¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ x
Passive The System is a real jokester. Most of the items and skills are made by Departments, like the Item Conjurers, but they follow the blueprints provided by the System, so you can tell it¡¯s a bit off its rocker. Anyway, this is one of those rare Passives that isn¡¯t some kind of strange jab at your personality nor has a weird double-edged effect. No, this is a real honest-to-the-Gods Passive with a proper effect. You won¡¯t be seeing a lot of Passives nor Abilities like this, so cherish it while you can. Your eyes now have transition lenses, meaning your vision grows accustomed to the light of your surroundings, allowing you to stare at the sun, as well as pitch-darkness, and still be able to see just fine. Quite useful for eclipses as well as spelunking without a flashlight.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. Only a few moments passed and the darkness I was sliding down through became a kind of light-grey that made it possible to see the details of the tube ceiling above me. ¡°An actually useful reward for once,¡± I muttered appreciatively. It was a proper passive too, like the kind you¡¯d find in a fantasy game. While I was sliding down on my back, the smooth stone apparently completely frictionless, I pulled out the heavy battery-like Plugin I¡¯d gotten earlier and inspected it:
¡®unHero Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª For the unHeroic deed of killing a popular and kind-hearted Player in cold blood, you have earnt the title of ¡®villain¡¯. Wear it proudly. It¡¯s time to manifest your dark inner self. Plugin Ability: gasm.org Plugin Passive: Anti Heroism
Weight: 14.851815 Pandas
The code, what does it mean!?
¡®gasm.org¡¯ x
Plugin Ability No, I don¡¯t know why it¡¯s called that. Everyone hates copycats and posers. Someone once said ¡®Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery¡¯, but they¡¯re obviously wrong. The only truly evil thing in this world is plagiarism, everything else is up for debate! By saying ¡®Gotcha!¡¯ while witnessing another Player¡¯s ability, you can steal it until you decide to use it or 1 hour has passed. To use the stolen ability, you have to say ¡®Catch it!¡¯ Seriously, who is coming up with this stuff? Cooldown: 1 hour
¡®Anti Heroism¡¯ x
Plugin Passive Why bother hunting down monsters when you can make your own? While fighting Players that are considered ¡®Morally Good¡¯, all your damage dealt to them also raises their Insanity Gauge. Side-effects include: monologuing about evil plans; maniacal laughter; world-domination ideas involving lasers; glowing-red eyes; & an astounding aptitude for acquiring henchmen.
With a sigh, I stowed it back into my inventory. ¡°I guess it¡¯d be good for this Event,¡± I considered, ¡°But having a high knockback and the ability to teleport is way more useful, although I do like being able to steal someone¡¯s ability.¡± Brock stopped squealing in glee and asked, ¡°You talkin¡¯ to me?¡± ¡°Just thinking out loud,¡± I replied. ¡°Yer not quite right in the head, mate.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re a talking hammer.¡± ¡°Touch¨¦. Got me there, didn¡¯t ya.¡± Suddenly I felt the ground curve up and my stomach drop, as the tube did a goddamn loop-de-loop. Brock made an excited noise, while I clenched my teeth. I¡¯d honestly never been a big fan of rollercoasters, but the speed and G-forces of this stone tube slide was easily rivalling the ones I¡¯d tried. As we came out the 360-degree vertical turn, I¡¯d picked up even more speed and zoomed down on my back fast enough that I was beginning to worry about the landing, wherever it might be. ¡°Let¡¯s go again!!¡± Brock yelled excitedly. I pulled out the Pocket-Watch and flipped open the lid: Time remaining: 4.20468671E-6 millennium Kills remaining: 10 No sooner had the information appeared than the tunnel began to brighten as I was reaching some kind of aperture at the bottom. My eyes slowly began to adjust to the light coming closer, while I put away the Pocket-Watch. Then I began preparing for impact with whatever lay at the end. ¡°Hope there¡¯s a ramp!!¡± Brock said, and, as though the bastard had manifested it with his wishful thinking, I saw that there was indeed a small ramp at the end. ¡°You¡¯ve got to be fu¡ª¡± I hit the ramp and was sent flying into the air, spinning around slowly and seeing the features of the room. There was a bright-green carpet of moss stretched from wall-to-wall of the large rectangular room, and many Players were lounging around complacently. As I finished my rotation through the air, I spotted a familiar person, who, as fate would have it, I was on a direct collision course with. He had his back turned to me and by the time anyone noticed my trajectory, it was too late to warn him. In a tangle of limbs and a loud groan of surprise and forcefully-exhaled air, I collided with the man and tumbled to the moss-covered floor, which was so soft and squishy that it totally cancelled-out my impact. Neither of us took any real damage from the crash, but, from looking at the guy¡¯s beet-red face, it was impossible to tell. ¡°What¡¯s your fudging problem, guy!?¡± I got to my feet and scanned him with my Looking Glass. I¡¯d gotten good enough at using my inventory mentally that I could seemingly manifest anything within to my hand with a single thought.
Level 8 ¡®Steve¡¯ Player x
¡°Why does everyone call me Hawaiian Shirt Guy?¡± Class: Birthday Boy Main Attribute(s): Vitality Steve¡¯s origins aren¡¯t interesting, so let¡¯s instead talk about the Unique Class that he possesses. After taking the ¡®Party Never Ends¡¯ Passive and hearing ¡®Happy Birthday¡¯ being said to him a hundred times, a rare event occurred for Steve: the Spontaneous Class Change! As you might imagine, this event allows someone to swap their Class, but not just to anything they want, but rather to a Unique Class that they have unlocked the specific requirements for. Now, you may wonder, what is the benefit of the ¡®Birthday Boy¡¯ Class? It¡¯s quite simple, really. Everyone likes the Birthday Boy, so he¡¯s never short on friends and popularity. It¡¯s his birthday after all. With the ability to leech experience from all his friends and skills based around building platonic relationships, he¡¯s able to turn his friendships into power. That¡¯s right, he¡¯s basically become a Care Bear. Also, he hates your guts.
¡°Happy Birthday,¡± I told him. ¡°I wish people would stop saying that! This System is a capital C for ¡®Crap¡¯! I swear!¡± ¡°Weeeeee¡­!¡± I heard someone yell as they sailed through the air. I looked up and saw Bee with Panda on her shoulder come flying to the exact same spot I was standing in. With a large step to the side, I avoided colliding with her, though Hawaiian Shirt Guy was not as lucky. After repeating the exact same thing as me just a second prior, Bee got to her feet, then said, ¡°Happy Birthday.¡± ¡°F you two!¡± he said angrily and stormed off. ¡°Why did I just say that?¡± Bee wondered, as we watched him leave to join some other Players lying on their back in the soft moss carpet further away. ¡°Cause he¡¯s the Birthday Boy,¡± I replied. ¡°Ah, that makes sense.¡± ¡°Look at all these weaklings! Let¡¯s get to smacking!!¡± I scanned the room, then froze-up when I saw someone I¡¯d hoped not to run into again. She spotted me as well, with Steve quickly joining her, before they started gathering up a bunch of Players around them, forming a mob. ¡°Is that Annabella Exposici¨®n?¡± Panda asked. ¡°We should get out of here,¡± I said, taking Bee by the arm. Before we even got a few feet towards the exit of the large room, people were yelling my name, and not in the ¡®we love you!¡¯ way. ¡°Is that a pitchfork?¡± Bee asked. A moment later, said pitchfork was hurled through the air at us. Chapter -44 Bee and I ran out of the room with the strange moss floor. The screaming and frenzied mob quickly followed behind us, stirred on by Steve the Birthday Boy and Annabella Exposici¨®n, who seemed to still hold a grudge from me killing her friend that had turned into a Skinstealer. They numbered at least twenty, but possibly even as many as thirty. I was surprised that so many people had been able to stay in the same area without trouble, but it seemed it was thanks to Steve¡¯s strange Class.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Witch Hunt¡¯ Got chased by an angry mob for no reason.
Maybe you were framed by a scorned lover or betrayed by a former friend, but, whatever the reason, a mob is now on your tail. Being hunted for no good reason is a traumatic experience that leaves deep scars of mistrust on the soul.
Reward: ¡®Outcast¡¯ Passive
¡®Outcast¡¯ x
Passive ¡°All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you''ll be quite a lot!¡± Neutral or Morally Good Players will instinctively be mistrustful of you, while Outcasts and Morally Evil Players will be inclined to trust you. It¡¯s time to dye your hair black and find moral wisdom in the angsty lyrics of screamo bands.
¡°I just got a Passive called ¡®Outcast¡¯,¡± Bee said in-between breaths, as we sprinted down a wide hallway with doorways lining either side of the room, though we were heading for the one down at the far end. ¡°I got it too,¡± I said, swiping away the pop-ups. ¡°The System is really trying to make you two into the bad guys,¡± Panda said. ¡°You should see what my unHero Plugin does,¡± I told him. ¡°I think I can guess,¡± he replied knowingly. ¡°Wait, why are we running from them, actually?¡± Bee asked, coming to a halt. ¡°They have guns? And pitchforks, apparently.¡± ¡°So what? Let¡¯s just kill them!¡± I came to a halt as well. ¡°Huh, actually¡­ yeah.¡± ¡°Guys, please, don¡¯t do this,¡± Panda said. ¡°I¡¯m tired of running away,¡± I told him. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be labeled an Outcast,¡± Bee added. We turned around to face the incoming mob, which had already lost some steam, since it seemed their Athleticism ratings were quite a lot lower than mine. Granted, Bee was also pretty out of breath. I pointed my palm at the front of their ranks, where Steve and Annabella were. The latter of the two had a crossbow in her hand, and as she saw us turning to face them in the wide hallway, she levelled it towards me. Bee copied my gesture. ¡°Giant-Slayer Lance!¡± I yelled and a large slowly spinning bolt the girth of my thigh manifested in the air in front of me. It began spinning faster-and-faster, while growing from one foot in length to a total of eight, before launching straight at the mob. ¡°Beetle Bolt!¡± Bee exclaimed, aiming at Annabella. Her projectile hit just as the woman fired her crossbow at me, and the Beetle Bolt tore through her upper torso in a spray of blood and viscera. Then my Lance hit the center mass of the mob and produced an effect like a bowling ball hitting a pack of closely-stacked pins. Players were flung in all directions, some going straight through the floor, others flying through the ceiling or getting stuck halfway-buried, with the rest flying against the walls, Steve included. This was the true power of my unCollide Plugin and its Glitch Collision. ¡°Holy fuck, Gambit!¡± Panda yelled in outrage. ¡°Fak yea, bruv!! Strike!!¡± Bee¡¯s hit on Annabella had unintentionally saved her from a head-on collision with my Lance, though a lot of the other people with them hadn¡¯t been as fortunate. ¡°You¡¯ve got an arrow in your forearm, Gambit,¡± Panda said. I looked down and saw that he was right. With a simple tug, I tore it out of my body. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll get her this time!¡± the Beetle Girl promised. As she took aim and prepared to launch another Bolt, several of the survivors were putting up defenses, either as literal shields or magical ones. There were even two healer-type people amongst them, who were tending to those that¡¯d survived. But, I¡¯d still killed five outright, with two stuck in the world geometry and slowly choking to death, judging by how their legs were wriggling desperately. EVENT WARNING! This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. You have retaken 3rd place! Kills remaining: 5 I was actually starting to feel a bit bad about it all, as I¡¯d proven them all right in their suspicions of me, but then several of the Players began charging for us and my feelings changed. Some were shooting off their unevolved guns, while others were lifting bats, swords, bows, crossbows, wands, and any other type of weird weapon they had thanks to their Class or Dungeon rewards. ¡°Beetle Brawn!¡± Bee exclaimed, just in time for several bullets to pling off her carapace. Three of the flintlock shots grazed me, while a fourth rebounded back towards the man who¡¯d fired it, destroying his hand. In the end, despite it all, I did exactly what I knew the Great Game and its insidious creators and showrunners wanted. I went on a massacre. Because of my attributes, I was so much stronger than everyone else, so it was like I was going seal-clubbing. Every swing of my hammer was so devastating that when it hit it broke their bodies and tossed them against the walls or ceiling, where many of them flew through thanks to Glitch Collision. EVENT WARNING! You have retaken 2nd place! Kills remaining: 1 As my hammer descended on the fifth person, I was suddenly yanked out of the hallway and¡ª The sensation of falling through a black void filled me. Then two achievements appeared in front of my eyes in quick succession:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Game Event Clear¡¯ Completed your first Game Event.
Against all odds, you completed your first Game Event. You showed that you have the power to get things done, despite the odds being stacked against you. Or maybe you just cheated or stole the kills of other Players, who knows? Such an achievement demands a reward of course!
Reward: +1 level & ¡®Participation Trophy¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Rising Star¡¯ Finished in the top 10 of a Game Event.
If not for the fact that someone who isn¡¯t Glitched completed the Game Event before you, we¡¯d seriously be doubting your credentials here. However, the footage has been reviewed, and you have indeed fulfilled the requirements of the Event without cheating¡­ As such, here is your special reward. I hope you choke on it, cheater.
Reward: +2 levels & ¡®Top Ten Trophy¡¯
I was tossed down onto a soft black leather couch. A moment later Bee landed in my lap, along with Panda who¡¯d been riding on her shoulder. ¡°What the hell just happened?¡± I wondered, looking around the room we¡¯d landed in. Brock, who had been in my hand just a second ago, was gone. Congratulations! You have completed the WEAPONLUTION Event! You finished with a placement of: #2 out of 1000 Sit back and relax as the Event runs its course. Enjoy the refreshments brought by our staff, and talk with your fellow victors, while you watch the other Players on the screens. Event time remaining: 36 hours 38 minutes 41 seconds There were several large black leather couches scattered around the room, as well as a myriad of screens to watch other players, although this time the screens showed a lot more information, such as kills remaining, Class, and so forth. Besides the couches and screens, the large room was built like a hotel lobby, though there were no windows, but plenty of gaudy embellishments, like marble pillars, crystal chandeliers, and polished wooden flooring. There were also cockroach humanoids in fancy concierge and bellhop outfits, as well as some dressed like servers. One such cockroach server came over with a tray of glasses full of sparkling champagne. In the distance I saw a person I recognized. It was the woman called ¡®Samantha¡¯. Apparently she had finished as #1 of the Event and that was without using Glitches like me, which was both impressive and terrifying in equal measure. ¡°Care for a refreshment?¡± asked the cockroach. His mandibles clicked as he spoke and the polished red-brown carapace of his head reflected a chandelier above us. I almost instinctively declined, but then took one of the fancy glasses and said, ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Victory Champagne¡¯ x
Truly the drink of champions. Savor its delectable flavor sourced directly from the Champagne region of France! Imbibing this drink will reset the cooldowns on all of your abilities and fully recover your injuries & fatigue.
¡°We¡¯re going back in,¡± I told Panda and Bee, then grabbed the entire tray of drinks and put it in my inventory. The server didn¡¯t seem bothered by this and instead just walked away to fetch more. Panda stood up and gave me a judging glare. ¡°Why? You beat the Event, you can take a break now.¡± ¡°Fuck that,¡± I said. ¡°Even though we destroyed the Broadcast¡¯s Production Control, they¡¯re still able to broadcast this whole thing!¡± ¡°Huh, you¡¯re right¡­¡± Bee pointed to a screen, which, although it had no sound, had subtitles showing what the Announcer was saying. ¡°Look, they even replaced Riii!¡± It was another Wasp in the bottom-right of the screen, though this one was colored like an emerald. She was laughing hysterically at the footage of a guy, who was desperately crawling away from someone with a sawn-off shotgun, while trailing blood on the ground. ¡°All we did was pointless,¡± I told Panda. ¡°But there¡¯s something else I can do that will really piss them off.¡± I downed the glass of champagne, which tasted of bubbly grape soda. Then I grabbed Bee by the wrist and said, ¡°back_door.bat!¡± The comfortable couch was replaced by bright-green soft moss in an instant. Nearby a Player shouted in alarm at our sudden appearance. We were back inside the Event again. With a pop Brock appeared in my lap and immediately began crying. ¡°Oh god! I saw what non-existence is like!! Don¡¯t send me back there again, Mister Gambit! I¡¯ll be good!! I promise!!¡± ¡°Welcome back, Brock,¡± I said. ¡°Ready to smack an Adjudicator?¡± There was a pause, as he collected himself. ¡°Fak yes cunt!!¡± Chapter -45 Annabella and the Birthday Boy¡¯s mob hadn¡¯t returned to the comfortable moss room yet, so I took the time to pull out my rewards from my inventory, while handing Bee one of the Victory Champagnes. However, as soon as the champagne manifested in my hand, it disappeared in a poof of smoke. I still had the tray and seven more glasses in my inventory, but it was clear I couldn¡¯t pull them out here, as they seemingly had an area restriction tied to them, such as being in the Victory Lobby. When both of the new trophies were in my lap, a pop-up appeared before I could inspect either of them:
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -13! +3 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Dungeon Clears required for Level -14 0/1
¡°Huh, you need to clear Dungeons now to level up,¡± Panda said. ¡°That¡¯ll slow things down a bit,¡± I replied. ¡°Still, level 13 already is huge.¡± Bee frowned. ¡°I didn¡¯t get any new levels.¡± ¡°How far are you from your next level?¡± I asked ¡°Level Progress,¡± she said, then showed me her screen.
You are currently Level 6 Unspent Attribute Points: 0 Points already invested: 6
Kills required for Level 7 19/20
¡°That¡¯s not that far though,¡± I told her. ¡°I want to evolve my Class too!¡± she complained impatiently. Panda patted her on the hand and said, ¡°Patience, young Padawan.¡± ¡°Pretty sure we¡¯re firmly on the Dark Side now,¡± I replied. ¡°Don¡¯t ruin this for me, Gambit.¡± I ignored him and brought up my Status, before trying to invest one of my three available points into Intelligence. ERROR! Unable to invest point in chosen attribute! Please pick another. When that didn¡¯t work, I invested them in the following manner: Vitality, Athleticism, & Defense.
Level -13 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
---Do you know why this bar is red? It''s because it''s blushing. That''s right! It loves you!---
STATS
Health: Non-Goodn¡¯t Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Í Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Snow Sled Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Quokka Intelligence: ? Vitality: Strip Loin The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
Athleticism: ×ÓÈ® Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®unCollide¡¯ back_door.bat Glitch Collision ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯
¡°Still confusing as hell,¡± Panda remarked, looking over my shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s shaping up though.¡± ¡°Sure, if you say so.¡± I ignored his pessimism and finally inspected my two Event Rewards. As I pulled up the first, I saw that Players were slowly coming into the room from the far end, meaning I didn¡¯t have much time, before they spotted us. Fortunately surprise was on our side still.
¡®Participation Trophy¡¯ x
A commemorative reward for completing the Game Event: WEAPONLUTION What? You thought this item actually rewarded you something? Look, we already gave you a level, what more do you want?? At the bottom it reads: ¡®Gambit the Moron¡¯ This item cannot be discarded.
Weight: 1 Panda
I threw the Participation Trophy away but it just disappeared and returned to my inventory. Then I looked at the other one, but my hopes were already crushed by the tooltip of the first. That being said, this second one was fancier and was sculpted to look like me, Birthday Suit and all¡­
¡®Top Ten Trophy¡¯ x
Rewarded for placing in the Top 10 of the Game Event: WEAPONLUTION You know what they say: ¡°the Winners keep winning, and the Losers keep losing.¡± In this case, losing means death, so it holds true. Anyway, we would be remiss if we did not reward the top competitors of our Event with something proper. Kissing this trophy will unlock the power trapped within. At the bottom it reads: ¡®#2 ¡ª Gambit the Moron¡¯ This item cannot be discarded.
Weight: 1 Panda
I lifted the Top Ten Trophy to my lips and gave it a kiss. Next to me, Panda and Bee both made sounds, like ¡®Yuck!¡¯ and ¡®Why is that a trophy of you and why are you kissing it?¡¯
Choose your reward! x
Total narcissist behavior right there.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ | ¡®I¡¯m the Best¡¯ | ¡®?Dazzle!¡¯
¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ x
Core Passive Adds a second Plugin Slot to your body. ¡°Where will it be added?¡± you might ask. We don¡¯t know¡­ but hopefully in your forehead. That¡¯d be funny. Current Plugin: null Current Plugin Ability: null Current Plugin Passive: null
¡®I¡¯m the Best¡¯ x
Passive You¡¯re the best there is and you¡¯ll be damned if everyone around you don¡¯t know. Your current Charisma is doubled, and other Players will probably start to think that you¡¯re pretty cool. Unless your current Charisma is negative, then they¡¯ll think you¡¯re lame.
¡®?Dazzle!¡¯ x
Ability Someone like you can¡¯t stand to not be the center of attention, but fret not, this will do the trick! Manifest a handful of glitter that, when thrown into the air, distracts and blinds all who witness it. Duration: 8 seconds Cooldown: 10 minutes
Although the thought of throwing glitter at people was kind of amusing and might even have some decent uses, I picked the Plugin Slot purely because of the versatility offered by the Plugins I was steadily gathering. With a puff of steam and a strange feeling travelling through my body, a new Plugin Slot opened somewhere. ¡°Does either of you see the new slot that just appeared?¡± I asked my friends. ¡°It¡¯s on your back, on top of your right shoulder plate,¡± Bee said. ¡°Strange, I can¡¯t even feel it.¡± ¡°I guess it doesn¡¯t interfere with your body at all, that¡¯s kind of strange.¡± ¡°Far from the strangest thing,¡± Panda commented dryly. I brought out the unHero Plugin and shoved it into my shoulder-plate hole. Once again, it had a perfectly-tight fit, as the cylinder slowly slid down into my body, before releasing a puff of steam and popping out a small lever. As with the first one, I spun it clockwise with my right hand, though the motion was quite awkward due to how it was positioned on my back. A surge of electricity shot through my body, before a familiar message appeared: PLUGIN INSERTED. Booting up ¡®unHero¡¯ protocol. Installing¡­ The sound of a cassette tape being rewound emitted from the Plugin, before a loud click! announced its completion. PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unHero¡¯ protocol now in effect! ¡°Now, let me tell you my plan,¡± I said mischievously, while unable to stop myself from chuckling. Chapter -46 ¡°That¡¯s your plan?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I thought it¡¯d be more clever.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be mean, Panda. It¡¯s a good plan.¡± ¡°I love it!!¡± Brock said enthusiastically. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you get more of those evolution options for Brock?¡± Panda suddenly wondered. I shrugged. ¡°Maybe they stopped sending them after I finished the event?¡± ¡°If that¡¯s the case, then why is he still here?¡± ¡°Oy, I don¡¯t like ya tone, Jiminy. You tryna get rid of me!?¡± ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, looking at the Bonk Hammer.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
This is your weapon for the WEAPONLUTION GAME. Level: 25 (MAX) Evolve? Evolutions: Kitchen Knife+ Shortsword+ Purple Balloon Bonk Hammer Hydra+ Double Trouble Crusher Ghost Strike Instant Delivery
Length: 22 inches Weight: 2.592 Pandas
¡°Huh, yeah, he¡¯s definitely maxed out in levels,¡± I said, then showed it to Bee. ¡°Why does it say ¡®Evolve?¡¯ below the levels?¡± she asked. I squinted. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Evolve me, daddy!!¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t call me that ever again,¡± I told him, then I clicked the text. The purple balloon hammer suddenly began to squeak and squelch, while Brock made sounds that were too obscene to describe. The handle collapsed into the three-headed hammer portion, before the whole mess started to glow brightly and conform to some new shape. It was hard to see from the intense light it was giving off, but I had a vague idea of what it might be, as I saw how the outline of Brock morphed. Suddenly the light died away, and by now I had attracted a lot of attention from the Players returning to the moss room, as well as from the ones already in here. Some seemed to realize I was the exact same person they had just driven out of here no more than ten minutes ago. ¡°Gambit, I don¡¯t want to interrupt your fun, but Annabella and Birthday Boy just came back into the room.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter,¡± I told him. I¡¯d gotten the kills I needed, and though I thought they were both colossal assholes, I no longer needed to kill them to get what I wanted. Bee had gotten to her feet though and was preparing to fight if it came down to it. I looked down at Brock¡¯s new shape. ¡°I feel weird, but in a good way. If it¡¯s not too much to ask, I¡¯d like to punch stuff.¡± ¡°Inspect,¡± I said again, looking at his new shape.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. This is a weapon created by evolving your max-leveled WEAPONLUTION gun. Wait¡­ something isn¡¯t right here. And what¡¯s with these effects!? Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and hits twice. While this weapon is equipped, Purple is enabled. You know, this is supposed to be a severely-nerfed version of your final weapon that changes according to your Class¡­ but this is as strong as the weapon it was before¡­ and why does it have a level option!? Level 1 Kills remaining until Level 2: 10
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Uniquely Crafty¡¯ Made a unique item.
Awarded for evolving your WEAPONLUTION weapon, even though the result is not supposed to be this powerful¡­ We¡¯ve been looking through the logs and everything seems to have been above board, but this weapon is clearly broken¡­ If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. If it¡¯s not too much to ask, could you please submit a Bug Report by using the ¡®/bug¡¯ vocal command?
Reward: ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯
A packet of gum landed in my right hand and I put it away in my inventory. Considering how powerful the last fusion ability had ended up, I wanted to save the next one for something special. Or maybe I¡¯d use it to combine BIRTHDAY_SUIT and Reflective Shell¡­ ¡°I know what you¡¯re thinking,¡± Panda said, looking at me with a judgmental gaze. ¡°And absolutely not! Don¡¯t you dare fuse BIRTHDAY_SUIT with other abilities!¡± ¡°Am I really that transparent?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I sighed, then picked Brock up and slipped him onto my right hand. It was a bit unnerving how much it felt like I had just shoved my hand into a balloon animal, especially considering it was supposed to be a weapon. The fear of it popping the first time I tried to punch something was hard to shake. Brock made a noise. ¡°Stop that,¡± I told him. ¡°You¡¯re making it really awkward.¡± ¡°Next time, warn me first!!¡± ¡°¡­Oh. Sorry. I guess I did just shove my hand in without asking for consent.¡± ¡°I forgive ya.¡± ¡°If you two are done, we¡¯ve got ¡®Witch Hunt 2: The Witch Huntening¡¯ coming our way,¡± Panda warned. I stood up and I rolled my shoulders. Immediately, Annabella and Steve, who¡¯d been leading the group of shellshocked Players, froze in place. I didn¡¯t blame them. Bee and I had basically wiped the floor with them last time. ¡°We come in peace!¡± I yelled in their direction. ¡°Fuck you, Gambit!¡± Annabella yelled back. She had a nasty stitch pattern around where Bee¡¯s Bolt had hit her, but seemed mostly-recovered already. ¡°Hey, you attacked us first!¡± Bee yelled back. ¡°We hadn¡¯t even done anything to you!¡± ¡°¡­Ehhh,¡± Panda started. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s probably not true,¡± I said. ¡°I mean, I beat up Hawaiian Shirt Guy a bit and I killed Annabella¡¯s friend, although he was a Skinstealer, so I had no choice!¡± Bee scoffed. ¡°Whatever, that¡¯s no reason to try and hurt me as well!¡± I thought about it. ¡°No, you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°Fuck you, Steve!¡± I yelled back. ¡°Your shirt sucks!¡± ¡°What the flip did I do!?¡± ¡°No one likes your shirt, Birthday Boy!¡± Bee joined in. Panda tapped me in the side of the head. I hadn¡¯t noticed him hopping onto my shoulder. ¡°Can you two morons knock it off!? Do the thing you were planning to do Gambit, so we can go out in a blaze of glory as the Adjudicator liquifies us or whatever.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± I said, then grinned. ¡°It¡¯s time for a Mass Eviction!¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. The 1-point damage manifested itself as the feeling of being pinched on my thigh. ¡°Ow.¡± Panda sighed, shaking his soft head. ¡°Dungeon-Break!¡± I then yelled, grabbing ahold of Bee¡¯s right wrist, worried we might be separated again. ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Total Player number: 13660 Nearest Player: 1 yard Total Enemy number: 399 Nearest Enemy: 780 yards Nearest Boss: 418 yards Nearest Exit: N/A The map that popped up showed the room we were in as filled with golden dots, and only a few rooms away was a large red dot. It was fairly easy to guess that this was the new ¡®boss¡¯ added to the Event, and I was sure it was the Glitch Hunter. When I clicked on it for confirmation, the name did not appear and a second later the dot completely vanished. I looked around, dreading the sound of the tearing rift in reality announcing his arrival, but it never came. Meanwhile, Annabella¡¯s mob was slowly gathering their courage to go after us again. Bee¡¯s dot looked like a Player¡¯s, unlike when I¡¯d seen it earlier, so I guessed that invulnerable targets like what she¡¯d been under Riii¡¯s protection, showed up as grey dots, while those who worked for the Agencies didn¡¯t show up at all. ¡°What are you waiting for!?¡± Panda said. I gritted my teeth, expecting the System Message, as I clicked the ¡®Eject All Players & Enemies¡¯ button in the bottom of the map screen.
Ability Confirmation Required
You are about to utilize your Dungeon-Break ability to eject all Players and Enemies from the Dungeon, yourself included. All Players will be returned to their previous locations in the Overworld, while Enemies, which do not have a previous location stored in memory, will be spread out amongst the Players¡¯ locations. The moment you accept you will be ejected. Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯. No announcement of an Adjudicator¡¯s imminent arrival came. Then I fell through the floor. With a gasp, I appeared on the side of a street with Bee right next to me. Nearby were four Beetle Agents knelt in deep prayer, though there were no signs of the Minor Collectors. It seemed absurd that these guys had been waiting for us this whole time, but when I thought about it, maybe it wasn¡¯t actually so far-fetched, since they seemed to know we¡¯d be returning to this spot. Before either of us could figure out a plan, a new announcer voice filled the air, while everything froze in place. It was a female voice like the first, which I belatedly realized had belonged to Riii, but this one sounded kind of bored and annoyed. Then again, she¡¯d probably gone directly from making fun of people dying to having to make this service announcement. Players of Castleburg and Madeville, as well as the environs that I won¡¯t waste the time naming. Due to unforeseen technical difficulties, you have all been ejected from the WEAPONLUTION EVENT 36 hours ahead of schedule. This means that only four of you managed to actually complete the GAME EVENT and unlock the powerful rewards it gave. The result is that not only are there now many more of you than expected, but the average Player level is also far below what was forecasted. This means that many of you will die from simply being too weak. Enjoy your borrowed time. Also, stay tuned for an update about the new changes that have taken place in your region. These changes include Safe Zones, the Merchant and Coin system, the Benefactor and Quest system, as well as the newly-created Dungeons and Roaming Enemies & Bosses. Oh, and I guess I might as well tell you the winners of the WEAPONLUTION EVENT: #1 ¡ª ¡®Samantha¡¯ #2 ¡ª ¡®Gambit¡¯ #3 ¡ª ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯ #4 ¡ª ¡®Tina & Nina¡¯ I forgot to mention: From now on and until your world is nothing but a desolate wasteland full of monsters, every Player will have their own personal Eye-Spy Drone documenting their struggles. The most entertaining deaths will go on our highlight reel, and if you end up on this, we may briefly resurrect you for a mandatory interview. That¡¯s all for now. Chapter -47 As soon as the announcement finished, time resumed. The four Beetle Agents knelt in prayer seemed to realize what had happened and began to rouse from their ritual. I wasted no time and leapt for the nearest one, my right fist pulled back. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± I yelled. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! SCRIPT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY DUE TO: unCollide.glitchCollision()! Although the recursive element of the Punch Harder ability didn¡¯t work with my unCollide Plugin enabled, it wasn¡¯t necessary in this case. My punch connected with the forehead of the beetle Agent with such strength that his whole back arched and his spine, or whatever analogous thing a creature like him possessed, snapped. The double impacts of Brock¡¯s new form, plus the ability, created so potent an impact that the man died instantaneously, his limp body tumbling across the ground violently, before half of his torso became submerged and stuck in the sidewalk pavement twenty yards away. ¡°Fak yes!!¡± yelled Brock. The other three had barely managed to stand up, before I drove my fist into the abdomen of the next one in line, once again uttering ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ¡°Fak yuu!!¡± His whole body did a 360-degree spin while flying into the Agent right behind him, sending them tumbling to the asphalt of the road, with the first getting his limbs stuck in the ground and trapping the other Agent he¡¯d collided with. The last one standing raised his palm at me. ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± I exclaimed and his Beetle Bolt weapon failed to fire. ¡°Beetle Blast!¡± Bee yelled and launched her own attack at the man, though the projectile bounced off his carapace, failing to trigger. She fired off another, but it had the same lack of effect. By then I¡¯d cleared the distance between us with three great strides and sent a right hook into the side of his helmet, punching his head clean off and spraying a fountain of white blood into the air. ¡°That was sick as!!¡± Brock squealed in delight, as a misty rain of beetle blood fell down around us. ¡°One guy is still breathing,¡± Panda observed coldly. I stalked over to the one trapped in the ground by the corpse of his comrade, but he had managed to trigger some kind of ability, as a whirring and loud buzzing was coming from inside his body. ¡°I think he¡¯s going to blow up!¡± Bee yelled and I quickly spun on my heel and ran back towards her, leaping at the last second and bringing her down to the ground with me. Nothing happened. Then the buzzing died down. ¡°Huh, I guess I was wr¡ª¡± was all she managed to utter before the Agent¡¯s body exploded with a thousand tiny flechettes shooting in every direction. A few of them buried themselves in my back and thighs, but Bee, who was covered by my body, was unscathed. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± she asked. ¡°Fak yea!! Let¡¯s do that again!!¡± Brock said excitedly. It was strangely-comforting that he was no less talkative, despite having become a balloon gauntlet. Panda sighed. ¡°Of course they gave their Agents goddamn unalive buttons¡­¡± ¡°I shouldn¡¯t really be surprised,¡± I remarked as I got to my feet. Bee winced when she saw the projectiles piercing my body. While she began plucking them out, I looked at the crater left behind where the Agent had self-destructed. ¡°I leveled up to 7,¡± she then said. ¡°Just three more then,¡± I replied. ¡°I wonder what kind of evolution you¡¯ll get.¡± ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll turn you into a different insect,¡± Panda joked. ¡°I wanna be a Moth,¡± she said. ¡°If I understand these Agencies correctly, the Moths are basically their coders, so if that¡¯s an option, it might be powerful.¡± ¡°Look,¡± Panda said, pointing his chubby fingerless arm at one of the corpses. ¡°They all have Leftovers.¡± ¡°Leftovers?¡± Bee wondered. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. ¡°That¡¯s what they call loot,¡± I told her. ¡°You didn¡¯t see it when we killed the Psychic Snail, right?¡± ¡°Do you mind if I check them?¡± she asked. She¡¯d already pulled all of the flechettes out of my back and legs. I indicated the scene of carnage with my balloon-covered hand. ¡°Be my guest.¡± With a lot of enthusiasm, she skipped over to the nearest corpse, of which only a half-submerged leg and helmet remained following the explosion. ¡°This one has ten of something called ¡®Game Coins¡¯, as well as ¡®Agent¡¯s Torso Carapace¡¯.¡± She moved on to the next, after taking the loot. ¡°This one has another ten Coins, and ¡®Agent¡¯s Leg Carapace¡¯.¡± She searched the last two that¡¯d landed on top of each other. ¡°Twenty more Coins, ¡®Agent¡¯s Head Carapace¡¯, and a ¡®Agent¡¯s Litany of System Prayers¡¯.¡± ¡°Can you use any of the armor?¡± I asked her. ¡°It doesn¡¯t seem like it. I tried to put the Torso armor on and it gave me an error that it was incompatible, maybe because I¡¯m already covered in carapace?¡± ¡°What about the Litany?¡± Bee pulled it out of her inventory, though to me it just appeared out of thin air. I took ahold of the small prayer book and inspected it:
¡®Litany of System Prayers¡¯ x
A cherished and well-cared-for book of Prayers used by an REPD Agent of the GREAT GAME. Within it are many rituals and prayers that, although carrying no actual effect, seems to make the Beetles of the REPD feel like they are fighting with the System at their backs. The System honestly doesn¡¯t care about them or their prayers. This Litany grants the reader the ability to meditate and recoup lost Stamina, Health, and Mana at a rate of 1 point per 2 minutes. You are unable to use this.
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°That seems useful for you,¡± I told her. She nodded. ¡°I won¡¯t have to be so conservative with my spells.¡± ¡°You were being conservative!?¡± Panda asked in horror. We both ignored him. ¡°Can I have the carapace pieces?¡± I asked her. ¡°It actually combined into an ¡®Agent¡¯s Carapace Suit¡¯ when all three pieces entered my inventory,¡± she remarked, surprised, before pulling it out and immediately dropping it on the asphalt road due to its weight. ¡°You should also take the Game Coins,¡± she said. ¡°Keep half.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± She nodded, then handed me a single large coin that apparently represented 20 coins. It was the size of a frisbee, as thick as my clenched fist, and made from some golden metal that weighed nothing, making it feel like a Styrofoam prop from a movie. ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®GAME Coin¡¯ x
A coin for use in bartering with Merchants or other Players. On its own, the metal it is made from is worthless, but it has been agreed upon as a form of currency, which is what gives it value. One GAME Coin is equal to the value of a Happy Meal, more or less.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas x amount
I stooped to pick up the Carapace Suit and inspected it as well:
¡®Agent¡¯s Carapace Suit¡¯ x
You do know that this carapace is the literal bones of dead Agents, right? And the squishy parts on the inside is their flesh. But, once you can get over that fact, this is quite a nifty Suit. That being said, normally Players aren¡¯t supposed to be able to kill REPD Agents at this point in the GREAT GAME. But, then again, you¡¯re far from normal¡­ Wearing this armor imbues you with the following effects: - 50% Slashing Damage Taken - 50% Stabbing Damage Taken - 50% Cutting Damage Taken - All REPD and Beetle-based Agencies want to murder you. Putting their own health and safety at risk to try and take you down. That¡¯s how much they hate you. But, then again, you are wearing the literal bodies of their kindred. Burn in hell you vile Glitch! Sincerely, The REPD
Weight: 25 Pandas
Without wasting any time, I put it into my inventory, turned away from Bee and unequipped my tattered suit, then equipped the Carapace armor. Immediately, it felt like I was being squeezed all over by chunky and slimy latex, and a shiver ran down my back. It was suffocating with the helmet on, as it pressed against my nose and mouth, while the eye slots were positioned in such a way that my human eyes could not see out of them. As soon as I thought that I wanted to take it off, the helmet opened up and retracted down into the neck plates, allowing me to breathe and see normally. After swallowing a lungful of air gratefully, I began moving my arms and legs around, trying to get a feel for the mobility. To my surprise, it was hardly noticeable, though I could definitely feel how I¡¯d gotten slower. It seemed that my tattered black suit had barely counted as clothing, thus giving me a big boost from BIRTHDAY_SUIT, while the Carapace Suit seemed to fully negate its effects. Fortunately, swapping between clothes was easy with the inventory system, so I could switch at times when I needed the extra speed and jump height. ¡°You look exactly like an Agent with the helmet activated,¡± Bee said. ¡°Maybe I can use it to blend in and avoid people like Hawaiian Shirt Guy and Annabella,¡± I considered. ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll be blending in with a suit like that,¡± she told me honestly. ¡°Also, the nametag still says ¡®Gambit the Moron¡¯,¡± Panda remarked. I looked down at my chest and saw that the white nametag sticker was still there. ¡°Goddamn it¡­¡± Chapter -48 ¡°So, what now?¡± Bee asked. ¡°We head towards Downtown.¡± ¡°Gambit¡­¡± Panda said, as though in warning. ¡°Shut up,¡± I told him. ¡°What¡¯s Downtown?¡± ¡°He¡¯s going to search for the Mayor,¡± Panda said. ¡°I just want to see if he¡¯s alive. And if so, I¡¯ll make sure to fix that. Plus, there¡¯s the Police Chief I need to find as well, and I want to see if my apartment is still intact.¡± ¡°They must¡¯ve burnt all your trash long ago,¡± Panda said. ¡°You were in the Asylum forever.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t feel that long,¡± I told him. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were in an Asylum,¡± Bee told me, but didn¡¯t seem surprised. ¡°You don¡¯t watch the news?¡± Panda asked her. ¡°Do I look like a boomer?¡± she asked, clearly taking offense to the question. ¡°Ah, I forgot, your generation gets all your facts from TikTok and YouTube.¡± ¡°Why are you talking like a disgruntled fifty-year-old?¡± I asked him. ¡°But seriously! You never heard about Gambit on the news?¡± ¡°No,¡± she replied firmly. ¡°And what does it matter. It¡¯s all fake anyway.¡± I nodded. ¡°Finally someone gets it.¡± ¡°Bee,¡± Panda started, his voice grave. ¡°You don¡¯t want Gambit agreeing with you on this one, trust me.¡± ¡°Are you some government plant, Panda!?¡± The Plushie sighed. He was back to sitting on Bee¡¯s shoulder, but I couldn¡¯t for the life of me remember when he¡¯d crawled over there. ¡°Let¡¯s just get going so you can see that your delusions are baseless.¡± ¡°They¡¯re Skinstealers, I¡¯m telling you.¡± ¡°Sure, sure, whatever you say.¡± I narrowed my eyes at his remarks. ¡°Downtown is pretty far though,¡± Bee commented. ¡°Let¡¯s hitch a ride then,¡± I replied with a grin. ¡°Gambit¡­ don¡¯t you dare.¡± ¡°I need a Taxi.¡± REQUEST RECEIVED! A ¡®Taxi¡¯ has been dispatched to your current location. ¡°My gods, you¡¯re actually such a total moron.¡± Bee apparently saw the message as well, because she turned to look at me and asked, ¡°Does a Taxi qualify as Public Transportation? And why is it in quotation marks?¡± ¡°I have no idea,¡± I said with a grin. A warbling scream pierced the air, its ululating voice a mix between agony and glee. Ghastly-green lights bounced up over the rooftops a couple streets over, distinctly visible despite the fact that it was midday. Then we heard a voice as the sounds of the abandoned cars were shoved aside violently, screeching on their metal chassis. [OH BOY! OH BOY!] ¡°Ah, fuck¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Perhaps this was a mistake,¡± I realized. ¡°You¡¯re a moron.¡± ¡°Panda, don¡¯t be mean.¡± ¡°Yeah, well, when you two are being chewed to death by a sentient taxi, remember what I said¡­¡± From one moment to the next, a large car-sized shape broke through the intersection about sixty yards in front of us, before swerving and heading straight in our direction. I quickly pulled out my Looking Glass and scanned it. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Level 31 ¡®Taxi¡¯ World Boss x
¡°[OH BOY!]¡± All Public Transport is of a common ancestor and thus they share distinct elements, such as the fact that they grow stronger with each person they consume. Their methods of consumption vary, but they generally always use their eyes to manipulate potential victims into ¡®entering¡¯ them. Killing a Public Transport Boss is trickier than you might think, but we highly encourage you to try it, because your death might make it onto our highlight reel. Of all the Public Transport entities you will encounter, the Taxi is the least dangerous and still serves its original purpose, while Busses, Trains, and Metros no longer do. And don¡¯t even get me started on Ships and Planes¡­
It was shaped vaguely like a taxi, in the same way the Humanbus had been vaguely bus-shaped. Its body was covered in what looked like stitched-together skin, and a gaping mouth sat where the grill and license plate should¡¯ve been. The headlights were round and contained a life within them, not to mention the fact that they let out an ethereal glow that cast unnatural shadows from anything it illuminated. The way the eyes looked at us as it came closer was deeply unnerving. The cab interior itself was obscured by frosted glass windows in the front and sides, but there were handprints of varying sizes pressed against it, as though condensation made it possible to leave marks. One person had written ¡®RUN¡¯ at the bottom of the left passenger seat window. I prepared my gauntlet, squeezing the balloons. ¡°I¡¯m fakkin ready!!¡± Brock said excitedly. Instead of seeming intent on eating us like the Humanbus, the ¡®Taxi¡¯ swung to a stop on the road a few yards away, before popping open its passenger doors. [COME! COME! LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE!] Bee gave me a wary glance. ¡°I guess we might as well give it a try,¡± I said. ¡°Are you out of your fucking mind!?¡± Panda protested. ¡°My mom always told me to try everything once.¡± ¡°Bee, I¡¯m pretty sure that only applies to food...¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be such a buzzkill,¡± I told him. ¡°It said in the scan that it still serves its original purpose, i.e., it¡¯s still a transport. And Downtown is like ten miles.¡± ¡°You totally glossed over the part that mentioned it consumes people.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s just try it,¡± Bee said, also attempting to convince him. ¡°If it looks bad, Gambit will just punch it to death like he always does.¡± ¡°One day he¡¯ll meet something he can¡¯t just punch to death,¡± Panda replied ominously. Bee and I walked up to the open doors. I got in the left side and she got in on the right. The interior was surprisingly-normal, and even had a Wunder-Baum air-freshener scent. [WHAT IS YOUR DESTINATION?] ¡°Downtown Castleburg,¡± I said. [OH BOY! QUITE A TRIP WE WILL HAVE!] REQUEST RECEIVED! Your ¡®Taxi¡¯ will take you to: Downtown Castleburg Distance to destination: 7.2 miles Estimated ride duration: 40 minutes [OFF WE GO!] said the ¡®Taxi¡¯ cheerfully. Then the doors slammed shut. The temperature suddenly dropped down to 40 degrees Fahrenheit and a strange swirling-green mist came up from the floor and seats of the taxi. The front two seats were blocked off by a frosted glass panel, but suddenly a hand slapped against it, leaving an imprint. Vibrations emanated through the floor as the vehicle began moving, and the first few bumps made themselves known, as it began traversing the gridlocked city roads. ¡°Not the worst taxi ride I¡¯ve had,¡± I said. ¡°Me neither,¡± she replied. ¡°And the driver isn¡¯t trying to get us into any kind of MLM or cult, which is a bonus.¡± The seatbelts snaked out of their housings and secured us tightly to our seats. I got the sense that I wouldn¡¯t be able to remove it until we arrived. ¡°I must admit, this isn¡¯t so bad,¡± Panda conceded. ¡°If you can look past the temperature and creepy ghost handprints on the glass.¡± Weirdly, the prints kept appearing, slapping against the front seat divider and the outside windows, as though the haunting spirits were trapped in the glass itself, rather than floating around within the car. Several of the ghostly hands tried to write messages, but never got very far. Then a chime like that of an intercom played through the cab interior, before a voice came out through the speakers. Thank you for choosing to use your local ¡®Taxi¡¯ service! It is now time to play ¡°Who Wants to Survive the Ride?¡± You have three lives combined and ten questions you must answer correctly before you reach your destination. Once your lives are used up or you arrive at your destination without answering all questions, your bodies will be devoured by the seats. Player Abilities and Passives are disabled for the duration of the Mini GAME. Good luck! ¡°Ah, crap,¡± Panda groaned. ¡°This sounds like fun,¡± I replied, ignoring the fact that our lives were now on the line. ¡°I¡¯m pretty good at trivia,¡± Bee boasted. I patted Panda on top of his soft head. ¡°What¡¯s the worst that can happen?¡± ¡°You really have to stop saying things like that¡­¡± Chapter -49 Question #1: What is the population of Castleburg? Your answer must be within 500 of the actual number. ¡°I think that¡¯s a trick question,¡± I said. ¡°There were 13,600 people alive when I did the last Dungeon-Break, but that¡¯s divided between Madeville, Castleburg, and the smaller towns around.¡± ¡°Before the apocalypse, Castleburg had 80 thousand or so, with Madeville at 27. I don¡¯t know about the other towns. We also don¡¯t know how hard each place was hit, so there might be an overrepresentation of Madeville vs. Castleburg. Therefore, my guess is 6,300.¡± I nodded, having no clue how she arrived at that number. ¡°Add 42 to that,¡± Panda said. ¡°Our answer is: 6,342!¡± Correct! The answer is: 6,837 ¡°You really saved us there, Panda,¡± I remarked. ¡°Still 9 questions left, we¡¯re not out of the woods yet!¡± Question #2: What is the name of the Mayor of Castleburg¡¯s dog? I sighed. ¡°It¡¯s another trick question. He doesn¡¯t have a dog.¡± Bee spoke up, ¡°Our answer is: He doesn¡¯t have a dog!¡± Correct! Mayor Noah Sullivan¡¯s dog was killed when a madman suffering from paranoid schizophrenic delusions broke into his private residence. Question #3: Who killed the Mayor¡¯s dog? ¡°Gambit did,¡± Panda answered. Bee gasped. ¡°You killed a dog!?¡± I frowned. ¡°I didn¡¯t. I¡¯d never hurt an animal. I¡¯m not a goddamn serial killer.¡± ¡°Then who did?¡± Panda asked, jabbing me in the stomach with his plushie arm. He was walking freely around on the backseats, while Bee and I were ostensibly tied up by the seatbelts. She was giving me a new kind of look: judgement. Never before in my life had I wanted to be proven more innocent than right then and there. ¡°Our answer is: The Chief of Police!¡± I said, brimming with conviction. Correct! Mayor Noah Sullivan¡¯s dog was killed by Liam Johnson, the Chief of Police, in order to frame the madman known as ¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€. ¡°I fucking knew it!¡± I yelled excitedly. ¡°¡­Huh,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Definitely didn¡¯t see that one coming.¡± ¡°I knew you wouldn¡¯t kill a dog,¡± Bee said in relief. ¡°If you had, I would¡¯ve smothered you the next time you went to sleep.¡± I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s fair.¡± Question #4: How many people have your actions as a Player in the GREAT GAME doomed? Your answer must be within 10 of the actual number. Stolen story; please report. I groaned. ¡°It¡¯s probably going to say a really high number.¡± ¡°Our guess is: 0!¡± Bee yelled without consulting us. Correct! The Player known as ¡®Bee¡¯ is not responsible for anyone being doomed, as she does not count as a Player in the GREAT GAME. The Player known as ¡®Gambit¡¯ is a System Glitch and thus an accurate tally is impossible to make. ¡°Are all these just trick questions?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°I¡¯m having fun,¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°I wonder if we get a reward if we answer them all correctly.¡± ¡°Perhaps there¡¯s a way to get help from the audience or to phone a friend,¡± Bee said, really getting into it. Players who take part in ¡°Who Wants to Survive the Ride?¡± have the ability to ¡®Ask the Audience¡¯ for help in the form of a poll, and they may also ¡®Call A Player¡¯, so long as said Player is alive. ¡°That¡¯s useful,¡± she said. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go for all ten correct!¡± I smiled. Despite the fact that losing this Taxi game would mean death, I was glad that we both got a bit of downtime from fighting or being chased. It definitely wasn¡¯t going to last once we reached Downtown, so it was important to cherish it now. Question #5: 3 other Players besides ¡®Gambit¡¯ completed the WEAPONLUTION EVENT. What was the final weapon of the Player who finished 4th? ¡°Hm, who was number 4?¡± I wondered. I hadn¡¯t paid close enough attention to the scoreboard presented in the most recent announcement. ¡°It was Tina & Nina,¡± Bee answered. ¡°She had a double-barrel shotgun with a bayonet and which shot acidic spikes,¡± Panda recounted effortlessly. ¡°But that wasn¡¯t her final weapon.¡± ¡°We¡¯d like to ¡®Call A Player¡¯,¡± I said to the Taxi. You have chosen ¡®Call A Player¡¯: Which Player would you like to call? ¡°Tina & Nina,¡± I answered. There followed a few beats of silence, before a dial tone blared through the speakers in the doors, as well as from the radio on the other side of the dividing glass panel, where a ghostly finger had managed to write ¡®DONT TRUST THE AUDIENCE¡¯. [¡°Hello?¡±] answered a sweet voice, while the sound of screaming was abruptly cut off in the background. [¡°Who is this? I just received a strange pop-up like a phone call.¡±] ¡°Hi Tina,¡± I replied. [¡°You sound familiar,¡±] she said. ¡°It¡¯s me, Gambit, from Calm Springs.¡± [¡°Oh! Hi! How are you doing!? Is Pandamonium still with you?¡±] Panda shivered at the mention of his name and did a series of gestures to indicate that I shouldn¡¯t mention him. ¡°Yeah, he¡¯s right here with me. And we¡¯re doing fine. We¡¯re in a Taxi at the moment and was hoping to get your help with a question.¡± [¡°Oh, I tried one of those! It was so much fun!! What¡¯s the question you¡¯re stuck on?¡±] ¡°We need to know what your final weapon was in the last event.¡± [¡°I see. Let me put Nina on the phone.¡±] I swallowed hard, knowing what was coming. There was mostly silence on the other end, though it was possible to hear faintly-whispered words. ¡°Hi Nina¡­?¡± I said cautiously. [¡°The birdcage has a hole in the floor and the crows of death sing at midnight!¡±] [¡°The lost child is found in the temple, when the crestfallen hero gets his revenge!¡±] [¡°The herald tells only lies and the judge can be trusted!¡±] ¡°I see,¡± I replied. ¡°Thank you for the warnings. Can you tell us what weapon you had when you finished the Weaponlution Event?¡± [¡°A dragon that breathes acid and spits out its teeth!¡±] ¡°Gotcha, thanks!¡± There was a click as the call ended. ¡°Is she always like that?¡± Bee asked. She looked kind of spooked. ¡°Nina is pretty intense,¡± Panda explained, ¡°and only seems to speak in riddles.¡± ¡°The weirdest thing is that, once you figure out what she¡¯s saying, there¡¯s always a real meaning to them. Before the apocalypse, she kept saying that the ¡®Children of Stars and the Insects of Show Business¡¯ were going to ¡®lay claim to this world¡¯. She also once warned me about one of the orderlies planning to beat me up. I didn¡¯t realize that was what she¡¯d meant until after it happened though.¡± ¡°So that stuff with the birdcage, crows, child, temple, crestfallen hero, herald, and judge all means something?¡± I nodded. ¡°Probably, yeah.¡± ¡°The Crestfallen Hero might be Logan Maximillian,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Does that mean the ¡®lost child¡¯ is me?¡± Bee wondered. ¡°That does make some manner of sense,¡± I replied. ¡°But no idea what temple it¡¯d be referring to. There isn¡¯t really anything like that in Castleburg as far as I know.¡± ¡°The Judge has to be an Adjudicator, right?¡± Panda continued guessing. ¡°I¡¯m more worried about this ¡®Birdcage¡¯,¡± I said. ¡°Makes me think of a prison. Also, if Logan is the Crestfallen, then I suppose we should expect him to seek revenge.¡± ¡°Given that you killed his sister and failed to kill him, as he clearly finished the Weaponlution Event, I¡¯d say it¡¯d be pretty obvious. But he¡¯s still in Madeville, so I doubt it¡¯ll be an issue anytime soon.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll just kill him before he kills us,¡± Bee replied confidently. ¡°He has powerful Protagonist vibes, so we need to be careful if he does attack us,¡± I said. ¡°Anyway, what¡¯s the answer to the question?¡± Bee wondered. I smiled, having long ago learnt how to decode most of the ways that Nina described things. ¡°Our answer is: A Flamethrower that shoots acidic spikes.¡± Correct! The final weapon of #4-ranked Player ¡®Tina & Nina¡¯ was an acid-spike-shooting flamethrower. The taxi hit a bump in the road and went airborne for a moment, before landing with a jolt that nearly bounced my head off the ceiling. Then, as if nothing had happened, the game continued. I frowned as I saw the next question. Chapter -50 Question #6: Where are your parents? ¡°My mom died of an opioid overdose and my dad was stabbed to death in jail,¡± I said. ¡°I think both my parents are still alive,¡± Bee answered. ¡°Wait, really?¡± Panda said. ¡°I was certain you had a grim upbringing and your dark past had molded you into the person you are today.¡± ¡°That¡¯s actually very mean,¡± she replied. ¡°My childhood was nice and my parents are good people.¡± ¡°So why all this?¡± he asked, gesturing to her entire body. ¡°Panda, people can be weird without having undergone trauma,¡± I explained. ¡°I prefer the term ¡®neurodivergent¡¯,¡± Bee said. ¡°Wait, is this a trick question again?¡± I wondered. ¡°Maybe the trick is that there is no trick,¡± she guessed. ¡°So, literally then?¡± ¡°My parents are probably at home, making do with a generator or something.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Let¡¯s try answering it literally then.¡± ¡°Our answer is: My parents are at home¡ª¡± ¡°And mine are dead and buried.¡± Correct! We were unable to verify the location of either of your parents, due to your statuses as entities outside the System¡¯s rules. ¡°Huh, another one of those¡­¡± ¡°I guess it helps that they default to ¡®correct¡¯ when they can¡¯t confirm your answers,¡± Panda said, though there was a slightly-sour note to his voice. Question #7: What¡¯s a robots favorite snacks? ¡°Wait¡­ is that a dad joke question?¡± ¡°Our answer is: Computer chips!¡± Bee yelled excitedly. Panda groaned. Correct! While a robot¡¯s favorite snack is computer chips, the System¡¯s favorite snack is suffering. Question #8: Return true if the given non-negative number is 1 or 2 more than a multiple of 20, such that the following results are achieved: more20(20) ¡ú false more20(21) ¡ú true more20(22) ¡ú true The glass divider to the front seats suddenly became a whiteboard and a black marker pen landed on the seat between us. The question was also written on the board. ¡°What the fuck is this question!?¡± I exclaimed. ¡°What language?¡± Bee asked. You may decide. ¡°Java then.¡± ¡°You understand that question?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a programming question,¡± she replied. ¡°You know programming??¡± ¡°Of course.¡± Panda shook his head. ¡°Go figure that I got stuck with the moron.¡± Bee scribbled a few numbers, words, and a strange collection of symbols: public boolean more20 (int n) { return n % 20 == 1 || n % 20 == 2; } Question was taken from the CodingBat website. Check out the exact question here. It''s a great place to improve your skills with Java and Python, by challenging you to make algorithms and succinct code. ¡°This is our answer.¡± Correct! There are several ways to answer this logic puzzle, but this one works and is succinct. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡°Damn, nice work! I would¡¯ve been completely lost on that one.¡± ¡°She¡¯s really carrying this whole thing,¡± Panda remarked, while giving me a look. ¡°I don¡¯t like that you¡¯re implying I¡¯m dumb all the time,¡± I told him. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s really not very nice,¡± Bee agreed. Question #9: Which insect shorted out an early supercomputer and inspired the term ¡®computer bug¡¯? A: Moth B: Roach C: Fly D: Japanese Beetle ¡°Hm, probably a roach,¡± I said. ¡°Those bastards get everywhere.¡± ¡°Definitely not a fly,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I think I know the answer,¡± Bee said. ¡°But let¡¯s try to ¡®Ask the Audience¡¯.¡± You have chosen to ¡®Ask the Audience¡¯. Here is the results of their votes: There is a graph showing how the audience voted on the four different options. Most voted D, 2nd highest is B, then A, and C is last. ¡°That was fast,¡± I remarked, looking at the graph that¡¯d appeared on the whiteboard in front of us. ¡°I don¡¯t know if we can trust them,¡± Bee said. She had no doubt also seen the message left by the ghosts on the glass earlier. ¡°Maybe they want us to think that we can¡¯t trust them.¡± ¡°Or maybe,¡± Panda started, ¡°they want us to think that¡¯s what they want us to think.¡± ¡°So the answer is C?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s obviously A.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t understand your logic,¡± I told him. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Gambit, I was fairly sure it was a moth anyway,¡± Bee said in Panda¡¯s defense. I nodded. ¡°Then, our answer is: A ¨C A Moth.¡± Correct! A moth is the right answer. ¡°Phew.¡± Question #10: In addition to his career as an astrologer and ¡®prophet¡¯, Nostradamus published a 1555 treatise that included a section on what? A: Training parrots to talk B: Cheating at card games C: Digging graves D: Making jams and jellies ¡°Why do I get the feeling that these last two were ripped straight from ¡®Who Wants to be a Millionaire?¡¯¡­¡± Estimated time until arrival: 1 minute The Taxi had noticeably picked up a lot of speed and was shooting down the road. In actuality, we¡¯d probably only been driving for 15 minutes, way short of the 40-minute duration we¡¯d been told at the beginning. Somehow it felt like a deliberate mistake to trip us up. ¡°I don¡¯t know the answer to this one!¡± Bee announced worriedly. ¡°And we just used up our last lifeline!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you still have three lives,¡± Panda said. Failing to answer correctly will result in you getting a different question and losing 1 of your lives. ¡°Actually, scratch that, do worry!¡± Panda said. ¡°We¡¯re running out of time!¡± ¡°What do we do!?¡± Bee asked, panicking suddenly. I realized she was bad with deadlines and working under pressure. But then I cleared my throat dramatically. ¡°I know the answer.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah, and the moon is made of cheese,¡± Panda scoffed. ¡°Our answer is: D,¡± I said confidently. Correct! His recipe for Cherry Jelly is quite delicious. ¡°See, told you I knew it.¡± Bee grabbed my hand excitedly and swung it up-and-down. ¡°We did it! Yay!¡± ¡°Too bad we won¡¯t end up being millionaires though.¡± ¡°I thought you rejected Capitalism,¡± Panda commented. ¡°That was only because I was poor.¡± The Taxi came to a stop, and the cold mist around us died down, as did the hands pressing themselves against the windows and glass divider. Congratulations! You have reached your destination and answered all 10 questions correctly without losing a single life. You may want to exit the vehicle. Then the Taxi began to rumble, as our seatbelts popped loose and the doors flung open. ¡°Get out, quick!¡± Panda said. I grabbed him by the arm and hurried out of my side, just as Bee leapt out of hers. A second later the Taxi blew up, leaving behind a glowing wisp and sending chunks of the sentient vehicle raining down around us. We were in the middle of an asphalt road jammed full of vehicles, with a familiar and ominous track of something having dragged its body through the road. The track was a lot bigger than the one that¡¯d been left behind by the Humanbus, and that was when I remembered that Downtown Castleburg had a metro that was connected to Madeville for some reason¡­ Around us were tall office buildings, the wide road we were in the middle of, sizeable pedestrian paths on the sides of it, and an offramp to the highway heading west to Madeville and east towards Boston. There were a lot of shops around as well, hugging the office buildings. Further north was where the rich of Castleburg lived, such as the Mayor, but the Police Station wasn¡¯t far from where we were. An achievement appeared, alongside a gooey brownish-black raisin the size of an orange and a dinner-plate-sized coin.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Who Wants to Survive the Ride?¡¯ Completed a Taxi¡¯s Mini Game.
You¡¯re not as dumb as you look, but you can always use more brains. Fret not, however, the Taxi doesn¡¯t need its own anymore, so you can have it. Since you also didn¡¯t lose a single life, we have added a bonus reward.
Reward: ¡®Taxi Brain¡¯ & 50x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
¡°I got a level from that,¡± Bee said. She was already back on her feet and inspecting the Leftovers from the Taxi. ¡°It dropped 100 Game Coins. Let¡¯s split them again.¡± I stood up as well, wiping a bit of Taxi gunk from my hair. The rest of its spattered mess had failed to stick to my Carapace Suit, which was pretty handy, as I was sure it wasn¡¯t the last time I¡¯d get showered in viscera and gore. Before I could suggest that we head for the Police Station, a familiar-and-annoying voice reappeared. Players of Castleburg and Madeville, as well as the environs that I won¡¯t waste the time naming. Although we are still more than a day ahead of schedule, it is now time to introduce you to aforementioned systems that have finally been activated in the GREAT GAME. That¡¯s right, up until now, you have merely been partaking in the Tutorial, with the WEAPONLUTION EVENT serving as your exam to test how much you¡¯ve learnt. The real GAME starts now. Chapter -51 ¡°I don¡¯t like the sound of this,¡± Panda muttered as the new Announcer started explaining the Systems that were coming online following the first Game Event. To start off, new Dungeons have been added to your Region. Until now, only public facilities could become Dungeons, but now any place of significance might become one. Additionally, as an incentive to Clear these Dungeons, they will be releasing Enemies every hour, with a successful Clear putting this ¡®release¡¯ on a cooldown for half a day. So make sure you Clear those Dungeons before your city is overrun. New Roaming Bosses have likewise been added, with many inspired by folklore, myth, and urban legend of your region. Defeating these Bosses is a good way to earn unique rewards like weapons, armor, or even skills, as well as GAME Coins. GAME Coins are a new addition for our Merchant system, which allows for trading with unique non-hostile entities, known as Vendors, as well as with other Players through public marketplaces. However, these Vendors most frequently appear in Safe Zones, which have to be unlocked. Safe Zones are yet another new addition, which is meant to consolidate Player strength in a region and enable the Quest and Merchant systems. While we prefer that the weak are torn to shreds, it is important that the strong get stronger for what will come later. Now, in order to unlock Safe Zones, important Dungeons and/or Roaming Bosses must be Cleared, such that a ¡®Safe Zone Sphere¡¯ can be obtained. This item will allow for the construction of a Safe Zone and its subsequent management and upgrading by the Players supporting it. Currently, there are five ways to obtain ¡®Safe Zone Spheres¡¯ in your Region: - Clear the Police Headquarters (Castleburg) - Kill the Mayor (Castleburg) - Clear the Sewers (Madeville) - Kill the Shadowman - Kill the Yellow Raincoat Demon Last on the list of additions is: the Benefactor system. As you fight through Dungeons and kill Bosses, while growing stronger, you may catch the eye of a Benefactor. These can be anything from Agency Executives like the Queen of the Child Protective Services Hive, Demons and Daemons of the Nine Realms of Vice, and even the Spawn of the Great Ones. Some of you may already have attracted the attention of such esteemed entities, and once this announcement concludes, you may receive notice that you have been acquired by a Benefactor. In case you were wondering, Samantha, you do not have a say in this. Those of you worthy of earning a Benefactor will be sold to the highest bidder. Do your best to please your Benefactors and their whims, lest they penalize you. That is all for now. Once the rest of your world¡¯s first GAME EVENTS conclude, a seven-day countdown for the second EVENT will begin. To avoid unintended behavior, you are not able to leave your region until surrounding regions finish their EVENTS. ¡°That¡¯s a lot to dump on us all at once,¡± Bee muttered. I took in the information. They had turned the Mayor into a boss monster from the sounds of it. ¡°How fitting,¡± I muttered. He was a weak man, and had gained his seat of governance thanks to his vast inheritance and general disregard for his constituents. In reality, he¡¯d always been a monster, but now the Great Game had made that literal. Then suddenly a hazy dark-blue box that seemed to exist beyond our three dimensions appeared in front of me. I looked over to Bee to see that one had appeared in front of her as well. The box had a large eye in the center with the iris of a goat. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. As I looked at it, it felt like tongues were licking the outside of my brain, making zaps and tingles flow through my mind like a lightning storm. Then it opened. An honest-to-God parchment letter emerged, unfolding itself in the air. The text was impossible for my human mind to comprehend, but ¡®fortunately¡¯ a System pop-up appeared to translate it.
Benefactor Contract
This is a System Contract. This contract is binding for the duration of the GREAT GAME, but may be annulled by the Benefactor if they decide to sell you. The following is a message from your new Benefactor: Oh, Gambit, how doth I lust for thy luscious thighs. Gazing upon thy amoral figure bathed in gore delights me so. Thus, I have decided to make thee mine plaything. Miranda, Demon Duchess of Throbbing Excitement
SIGN HERE ______________
I frowned. ¡°I¡¯m not doing that.¡± Suddenly my right hand lifted towards the floating letter on its own, and wouldn¡¯t budge even when I tried to pull against the movement. Thin tendrils of blood snaked out from my fingertips, emerging from under my nails. They reached out to touch the parchment, before writing my real name on it. Then the whole thing went up in purple-pink flames, including the box it had arrived in. A symbol, almost like a tattoo, appeared around my ring finger, visible through Brock¡¯s balloon gauntlet body, thanks to its glowing light in the same hue as the flames. Fortunately, its intensity died down quickly. Still, I wasn¡¯t a fan of being branded. I looked over and saw Bee going through the same thing, but before I could try to intervene, her letter had gone up in a warm blue puff. An achievement appeared.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Benefactor¡¯ Received a Benefactor.
You have been marked and made a Benefactor¡¯s Chosen. Benefactors are the lifeblood of how the GREAT GAME stays afloat financially. While your world was run on money, the GREAT GAME is sustained by cosmic influence. This intangible resource is paid by these Benefactors in return for allowing them to sponsor their favorite Players and subject them to their whims. I hope you enjoy being given Quests to kill a rival Benefactor¡¯s Chosen, because that is about 99% of the requests Benefactors seem to make. Though there might also be special ¡®favors¡¯ mixed in with them, especially if you get snatched up by some of the weirder types.
Reward: 10x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
¡°What¡¯d you get?¡± I asked her after waving the pop-up away. ¡°A Benefactor called the ¡®All-Mother¡¯, apparently.¡± ¡°Mine¡¯s a ¡®Demon Duchess of Throbbing Excitement¡¯ called ¡®Miranda¡¯¡­¡± ¡°Pretty sure you got snatched up by a Succubus,¡± Panda remarked snidely. An unfamiliar chime sounded in my ear. ¡°Do you hear that?¡± ¡°No.¡± It rang a couple more times, before a new pop-up appeared.
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor. The following is a message from your new Benefactor: Be a Good Boy and wear these for thy Mistress. Miranda
Gift: ¡®Lustful Loincloth¡¯
¡°I just got a Benefactor Gift¡­¡± ¡°What is it?¡± I frowned as the item appeared in my hands. It felt like animal hide, but it was purple, and had a limp noodle-like tail with a heart at the end coming out the back. The tail and heart attached were both soft as though covered in real skin. Against my better judgement, I inspected the item.
¡®Lustful Loincloth¡¯ x
Made from the hide of a Lustful Demon, who wronged Duchess Miranda, and imbued with her unique powers. She is known as a fearsome General that gains power from showering in the blood of her foes. This loincloth is imbued with the following effects: This item does not count as a piece of armor and cannot be unequipped unless Miranda allows it. When a kill results in a splatter of blood that hits your bare skin, you get a stack of ¡®Battle Hardened¡¯ for 30 seconds, increasing damage resistance by 5% and damage by 10%. This effect can stack up to 10 times. This is a Benefactor Gift and cannot be sold or discarded.
Weight: 0.45 Pandas
¡°Apparently once I equip this, I won¡¯t be able to take it off, but it¡¯s actually quite powerful. I¡¯m torn.¡± ¡°I¡¯m all for you not flashing people anymore,¡± Panda stated. ¡°Maybe it¡¯ll look better than what you normally wear when you unequip everything.¡± I blinked in surprise at her words. ¡°What¡¯d you mean?¡± ¡°Normally you have these pee-stained white boxers on. They¡¯re kind of gross to look at. Ah, but then again, purple pants with a tail attached is definite weirdo vibes.¡± ¡°I wish I¡¯d have known earlier that I wasn¡¯t going full commando on you, but thank fuck for that.¡± ¡°Panda didn¡¯t tell you?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t look at me!¡± the plushie said defensively. ¡°He¡¯s 100% nude on my end, maybe you just have a censoring filter or something.¡± I sighed, my fingers pressing into the fabric of the loincloth, before I quickly equipped the Benefactor Gift by pulling it over my Carapace Suit¡¯s ¡®pants¡¯. It immediately disappeared under it, phasing through the armor. I could feel how it stuck to my skin with an uncomfortable kind of warmth. GOOD BOY. A shiver ran down my spine at the words which resounded in the depths of my ear canals. They were honeyed and sweet, but with an underlying tone of malicious intent and glee at my discomfort. I cleared my throat, trying to shake the awful feeling of whatever the hell I¡¯d just been signed up for against my will. ¡°Let¡¯s go to the Police Station. I have a date with the Chief of Police.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. Chapter -52 ¡°I just received a Benefactor Gift,¡± Bee said, while we were walking down the street in the direction of the Police Headquarters. I had to admit that my new loincloth was actually quite nice, fitting me in all the right ways, although the warmth it emanated onto my skin was still no less unsettling. ¡°What¡¯d you get?¡± I asked. ¡°A slice of pie. It has some strange fruits in it that I¡¯ve never heard of, but sounds delicious.¡± My mouth salivated at the mention of food. ¡°The message attached told me to eat up and be healthy, since I¡¯m just skin and bones.¡± ¡°Sounds like the grandmother treatment,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°I wish I¡¯d gotten food from my Benefactor,¡± I complained. ¡°Instead you got a dominatrix,¡± the plushie laughed. ¡°I bet Gambit has some weird fans,¡± Bee remarked. ¡°What kind of Demon is the All-Mother?¡± I asked her. ¡°She¡¯s not a Demon, instead she¡¯s apparently something called an ¡®Absolute¡¯.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°No idea.¡± Panda shivered where he sat on my shoulder. He¡¯d once again appeared there without me noticing. ¡°You okay, buddy?¡± ¡°¡­Yeah. Just don¡¯t offend the All-Mother, okay? Absolutes are scary as shit.¡± ¡°You know what they are?¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably best I don¡¯t tell you,¡± he replied. I looked at him suspiciously. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to check the brain you picked up from the Taxi!¡± he said, trying to change the subject. ¡°You¡¯re lucky I don¡¯t actually care that much,¡± I told him, then pulled the gooey raisin brain out of my inventory and inspected it.
¡®Taxi Brain¡¯ x
The brain of a Taxi that you defeated by completing its Mini Game. A shred of sentience is still within this shriveled-up raisin and in order to access the power trapped within, all you have to do is say ¡®I love you¡¯ sincerely. Show some vulnerability. Say it!
Weight: 1 Panda
I sighed at looked at the raisin in my hands. It was surprisingly-difficult to say the words, even though it was just to the dried-up brain of a Taxi. The only time I¡¯d ever said those words and meant them was when I¡¯d had to give away my pet Bull Frog ¡®Kevin¡¯. ¡°I love you.¡± Surprised, I turned to look at where Bee had stopped as well, she¡¯d managed to get the words out before me. She was surprisingly-confident at times like these. ¡°I love you,¡± I whispered to the brain.
Choose your reward! x
How romantical.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Hitch.hike( )¡¯ | ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ | ¡®Scooter Guy¡¯
I clicked on each of the options to figure out what they did, though the Skater one immediately piqued my interest.
¡®Hitch.hike( )¡¯ x Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
Passive While on a road, anything you mount turns into a vehicle that automatically goes where you are heading. Results may vary wildly, mostly because we¡¯re not sure how this works and thus can¡¯t really comment on potential use-case scenarios¡­
¡®Skater Boy¡¯ x
Ability Admit it, you¡¯ve always wanted to be that guy. Well, now you can be! Skate! Do a flip! Grind a railing! Sustain eighteen compound fractures to your skull! Wooh! Summon a semi-sentient Skateboard that works like normal, but picks up speed if you perform tricks and has a slight disregard for the rules of reality so long as one of your feet is on it. Cooldown: 15 minutes Duration: 10 minutes
¡®Scooter Guy¡¯ x
Ability ¡°Vaffanculo!¡± Summon a semi-sentient Vespa that works like normal, but which curses in Italian when you beep the horn and only works so long as you are disobeying traffic laws. Cooldown: 20 minutes Duration: 10 minutes
Ever been to Florence? Lots of Scooters, lots of people beeping their horns and shouting at each other in angry Italian. Vaffanculo is a great curseword. Don''t google it. ¡°Not sure I trust the first option,¡± I said. ¡°Also, how am I meant to make it work? Do I just sit on anything and it takes me where I want to go??¡± ¡°Sounds like it. I think the Skateboard one makes the most sense,¡± Panda commented. ¡°I picked a movement skill that lets me fly upward and maneuver around, which should work well with my Beetle Breeze that lets me glide.¡± ¡°You should use the Party Hat too, if you haven¡¯t already.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a Boss item?¡± I nodded. ¡°I almost threw it away once¡­¡± she replied, sounding glad she hadn¡¯t. ¡°It¡¯s a lesson to inspect any reward you get,¡± Panda said. ¡°Watch them only give us junk,¡± Bee retorted, perfectly mirroring my thoughts. She pulled out the Party Hat and strapped it under her chin, while I selected Skater Boy. Panda was suddenly back on her shoulder and looking at her skill options. ¡°You¡¯re not as lucky as Gambit,¡± he commented. ¡°She got offered ¡®Party Never Ends¡¯ like you, but not the ¡®Birthday Gift¡¯ option, which would¡¯ve been good.¡± ¡°What did she get instead?¡± ¡°¡®Birthday Wrapped¡¯,¡± she replied. ¡°It wraps up a target and makes it impossible for them to break free if their Strength is less than my Intelligence, but someone else can unwrap them.¡± ¡°That sounds good though, right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m picking my Class option instead,¡± she replied. ¡°Look.¡±
¡®Beetle Battlemage¡¯ x
Passive Did you know that all Beetles are basically wizards? Ironically, they¡¯re not as tough as their armor makes them seem. Those employed by the REPD are, however, what would be considered Battlemages, meaning they can take a lot more hits and are specialized in fighting up-close. Receive a 25% bonus to your Defense attribute and a 50% bonus to all damage inflicted at a range of less than 10 feet with any Beetle spell.
¡°Damn, that¡¯s really powerful.¡± ¡°Show me what you got from the Taxi Brain!¡± she insisted. I smiled in expectation, then held out my hand and said, ¡°Skater Boy!¡± A fleshy 1-foot-wide 8-feet-long stitched and wrinkled piece of skin that had a rainbow of bruise colors appeared in the air in front of me, before landing on its four obsidian wheels. Amongst the dark-browns, blue-blacks, and purple-greens of the board were a multitude of tiny glass-bead-sized eyeballs that swiveled around, and at the very front of the board was a mouth with disorderly dark-yellow buckteeth. I let out a disgusted sound. ¡°This isn¡¯t a skateboard! It¡¯s a longboard!¡± ¡°That¡¯s your only complaint!?¡± Panda exclaimed from where he sat on my shoulder. [OH BOY! LET¡¯S SKATE!] ¡°Ah fuck, it talks¡­ Because, of course it does¡­¡± ¡°Face it, you¡¯ve gone mad.¡± ¡°Having one of my hallucinations tell me that feels deeply ironic somehow.¡± Rumbling and tremors underfoot suddenly reminded me that we were in the middle of a large street with the groove of an enormous monster torn through it. Swallowing my disgust for the misnomer of my new vehicle and the fact that it spoke like the Taxi, I put a foot tentatively onto the board. [WICKED!] I shuddered in further disgust. The tremors suddenly got worse and a loud-as-hell yet-soft-spoken female voice rang out across the city. [Mamonaku, okyasamakata wa watashi no naka ni harimasu. Deguchi wa gozaimasen. Nigeru no wa oyamekudasai.] Thanks to Minami for help with the translation. [¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¤ª¿Í˜”·½¤Ï¤ï¤¿¤·¤ÎÖФËÈë¤ê¤Þ¤¹¡£³ö¿Ú¤Ï¤´¤¶¤¤¤Þ¤»¤ó¡£ÌÓ¤²¤ë¤Î¤Ï¤ª¤ä¤á¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] ¡°What the hell does that mean?¡± Bee tilted her head as she tried to decipher the voice. When it repeated a moment later, sounding closer than before, she translated its meaning, ¡°It¡¯s Japanese, for some reason, and says, ¡®Soon, you will enter my body. There is no exit. Please do not run away.¡¯ It¡¯s very polite.¡± ¡°What the fuck, that¡¯s creepy as hell!¡± ¡°Wasn¡¯t the metro between Castleburg and Madeville made by a Japanese company?¡± Panda suddenly asked. ¡°¡­Is that why it¡¯s speaking Japanese? Pretty sure its announcements were always in English when I used to ride it.¡± Bee nodded. ¡°Either way, we should get out of here,¡± I said, then kicked off from the ground and began rolling along the asphalt road. ¡°Beetle Blastoff!¡± I heard Bee yell, and I looked back to see her shoot diagonally into the air with the wings unfolded from her back and moving ridiculously-fast. A humming was also emanating from her, similar to that of the Beetle Agents¡¯ flying potato vehicle, but less anxiety-inducing. I felt a sudden urge to perform a trick, so I did a Pop Shove-It, which shouldn¡¯t have been possible with the long board, but yet somehow worked, perhaps thanks to the sentience in the thing. As I landed, the mouth was behind my backfoot since the board had spun around. [GNARLY!] I groaned, but felt a sudden burst of speed overcome the board. Moments later I started going downhill, which only made me go even faster. Bee was gliding through the air above and ahead of me. At this rate, we¡¯d get to the Police Headquarters within just a few minutes. Chapter -53 An enormous shadow fell over us, as we hid in a narrow alleyway near to the Police Headquarters. We both tried to remain as silent as possible, while the monster moved past like some twisted serpent. It was the Metro Train that we¡¯d heard earlier and which had easily caught up on the road, though it didn¡¯t seem to have noticed us yet, so we¡¯d been able to hide before it steamrolled our bodies. The monster was similar to both the Taxi and Humanbus, but dwarfed them both with its absurd height and length. From bottom to top was twenty-five feet or possibly thirty, and its length spanned down the street and around a corner. Unlike the two aforementioned minor Transport creatures, the Metro¡¯s body wasn¡¯t exclusively stitched skin, but rather some amalgamation between polished metal and pulsating living flesh. The flesh was many distinctly-different colors, but red, purple, and brown were most common, and these areas were like blemishes on its otherwise perfect metallic skin, but they also served to keep the various carts connected, like muscles and tendons clinging to a skeleton. At the front of its long serpent body was a large window with a maelstrom of humanoid ghosts trapped inside and banging against the glass, leaving bloody handprints that faded only seconds after appearing. The window was perhaps its only eye or maybe it had no eyes at all, but below the front window was an enormous mouth that scooped up anything in the way on the road, like cars and random debris. Unlike its smaller cousins, it had no teeth, just a gaping black hole. It didn¡¯t slither through the street though, no, it was dragged forward by four powerful arms with seven-fingered hands, which grasped the tops or sides of buildings and used them to pull itself forward. Strangely, the hands didn¡¯t cause any structural damage to the buildings, even though it seemed as though they should¡¯ve. They were also entirely fleshy in appearance, with none of the metal on them, perhaps because they were additions to the original body of the Train. In short, it seemed, from my perspective, like an enormous world-eating serpent that would eat-and-eat, until it grew big enough to devour buildings whole. Bee appraised it with her glasses, keeping a hand over her mouth while reading whatever appeared, and then shared the result with me through a subvocalized command:
Level 89 ¡®Hitokui, Chika¡¯ World Boss x
¡°[¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¤¢¤Ê¤¿¤¿¤Á¤òßÞz¤ß¤Þ¤¹¡£¤´×¢Ò⤯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£]¡± [Mamonaku, anata-tachi o nomikomimasu. Go-chuui kudasai.] Translation: [Soon, I will swallow you all. Please be careful.] Chika Hitokui is a Metro-Train variant of the Public Transport creatures, and given her tremendous strength, she is given a unique name off the bat, as are all Trains and Metros, with their immediate size and power based on the length of the tracks they would normally follow. For some reason, the System assumed this Metro-Train was Japanese, despite its location, hence the strange mismatch in language. This may make defeating it more difficult than normal, unless you¡¯ve unlocked your inner Weeb. Although this monster can theoretically crush you in an instant, it should be possible for anyone to beat it, so long as you can get inside its mouth in one piece. Good luck! We¡¯ll be recording your death!
I breathed out slowly, as the vast World Boss dragged itself past us. One of the four massive hands it used to push-and-pull off of buildings was directly above us, its fingers lodged into the alleyway for leverage. Each of the seven fingers was as thick as my head. With hardly a sound, the hand pulled itself free to grasp a building further away, while the long serpent body of Chika Hitokui continually moved forward. For one excruciatingly-long minute, Bee, Panda, and I all just watched the body move past, while its loud voice kept repeating the same announcement phrase over-and-over, the volume so loud that it made my ears ring. When it was finally completely gone from the middle of the street, we both breathed a sigh of relief. ¡°Somehow I don¡¯t think I could punch that thing to death,¡± I muttered. ¡°The appraisal was quite interesting,¡± Bee replied, ignoring me. ¡°It said that anyone can theoretically defeat it, but that knowing Japanese helps.¡± ¡°Why does it sound like you actually want to try it?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Think about it! If it¡¯s like the Taxi, it might have a Mini Game as a requirement for defeating it.¡± ¡°No way I¡¯m willingly going into that creature¡¯s mouth!¡± I protested. ¡°Its name was kind of weird,¡± Bee commented absentmindedly. ¡°Chika Hitokui almost sounds like a real name, but if I¡¯m not mistaken, it means ¡®Underground People-Eater¡¯.¡± ¡°Is that supposed to be a pun based on ¡®People Mover¡¯?¡± I asked. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. ¡°At least it¡¯s not as lazy of a name as ¡®Humanbus¡¯ or just ¡®Taxi¡¯,¡± Panda said. ¡°Oh, look, there are people near the Police Station!¡± Bee said pointing. Across the street, on the other side of the road that now had a freshly-carved furrow down the middle, Players were coming out of their own hidey-holes. One guy had hid inside a garbage bin, while the rest had hid in doorways or inside alleys like us. They all congregated in front of the imposing sliding-glass front door of the Police Headquarters. The building was a square brick-and-mortar construction, with a simple mix of dark-grey mortar and red bricks that gave it a rather iconic look. I¡¯d been inside it more times than I could remember since my early teens, and its appearance always filled me with a unique blend of dread and hatred. Now more than ever, it filled me with a need for vengeance. The Taxi had confirmed my long-held theory that the Chief of Police had intentionally framed the murder of the Mayor¡¯s dog on me, so I relished the prospect of caving in his head. ¡°What do we do?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Should we kill them?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t default to just killing people!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Maybe they¡¯re after the Safe Zone Sphere,¡± I said. ¡°We could team u¡ª¡± Before I could finish, the glass door shot open and eight enemies shambled out. They were clad in police uniforms, but their skin was a pale-grey and their heads were missing from the chin and up, replaced by something like the top of a wacky-inflatable-tube man, except it was their skin flapping around, while something like blue light shone out from the inside. Their hands were also changed, having grown long-ass nails that sparked with electricity. ¡°STOP RESISTING!¡± said one of the enemies, before frying a surprised Player, charring his clothes and skin where the long nails touched. ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± I said and emerged out of the alleyway. Bee was close behind, already releasing her Beetle Bolts from afar, her hits connecting but not immediately killing the creatures. ¡°They¡¯re level 15!¡± she yelled. ¡°Look!¡± She somehow sent the appraisal my way, despite the fact that I thought that it required us to be close. As I strode across the asphalt, hopping over the deep furrow made by the Metro Train, I read through the description.
Level 15 ¡®Police Fiend¡¯ Enemy x
¡°Stop resisting!¡± Maybe you were wondering what happened to all the local police officers in your city or maybe you were happy to see them gone entirely. Well¡­ they¡¯re not gone, and if you thought they were bad before, you haven¡¯t seen the worst of it yet. These Fiends are a lesser version of the transformed police station¡¯s roster, the traffic cops as it were, but that doesn¡¯t mean they aren¡¯t fond of brutalizing detainees after turning off their body-cams. These guys are especially fond of their built-in tasers. Oh, and yeah, their heads are pretty messed-up. They took ¡®open your mind to cosmic influence¡¯ a bit too literal, but, so long as you don¡¯t look down the open hole to their souls, you¡¯ll be fine.
I had no idea what that last bit meant, other than ¡®don¡¯t aim for the head¡¯, so as I came within reach of a fiend, who was a second away from tasering a woman who¡¯d tripped over herself to get away, I slammed Brock into its torso. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! SCRIPT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY DUE TO: unCollide.glitchCollision()! The impact sent the fiend straight into one of its friends, the Glitch Collision making them fuse together. The carried-over momentum turned them into a spinning top, before they simply imploded in a shower of black steaming blood and goop. A lightning nail scraped against my flank, sending a minor shock through my system, though my stolen armor absorbed the rest. I kicked the fiend in the knee, producing a loud crunch as its brittle bones broke and the limb bent the wrong way, then I uppercutted its chin and sent it flying into the air. Or, well, the top half of its body, the rest stayed on the ground. As it continued to stretch, its middle tore and split, with the top flying off somewhere to the next street over. A pop sounded from nearby, just as one of Bee¡¯s spells, no doubt the Beetle Blast, destroyed the torso of another of the monsters. By now, the Players who¡¯d gathered in front of the building had recouped from their initial shock and helped us lay waste to the remaining four. As the last one died to a cascade of Beetle Bolts, bat strikes, and stones from a slingshot, we all took a breather. Out of the lot of them, two had died to electrocution, but they didn¡¯t seem to mourn over their friends. Seven Players besides Bee and I stood before us, but they were clearly weak. She came up next to me, her arms raised slightly, as if she expected them to jump us. Perhaps having Annabella and Birthday Boy chase her down with a mob for no reason had made her paranoid. ¡°The highest level is four,¡± she whispered to me. ¡°It¡¯s the guy with the slingshot.¡± ¡°Fak yea, bruv!! I leveled up!!¡± I blinked in surprise, having momentarily forgotten that he could level up. ¡°Don¡¯t move!¡± Bee warned, aiming her palm at one of the people. It was the woman I¡¯d saved. All of the enemies had left behind glowing wisps and she¡¯d tried to loot one of them. ¡°Hey! We helped kill them too, so we get a share!¡± she protested. Her voice was hoarse, as though she hadn¡¯t had enough to drink lately. I also noticed how her lips were desiccated to the point of the skin splitting, as well as how her hair was unwashed and clumped together. Her eyes and cheeks were sunken slightly from malnutrition and she wore a dark-green sweater, leather gloves, jeans with knee-pads, and sturdy boots. ¡°We saved your asses, so it¡¯s ours!¡± Bee said, not giving an inch. I looked around at the bodies. ¡°They probably don¡¯t have much anyway, just let them take it. They look pitiful after all.¡± Bee turned to look at me. ¡°Are we charity workers all of a sudden?¡± ¡°Bee, at least let Gambit do a good thing for once! It¡¯s so out of character that I¡¯m wondering if this might be a turning point!¡± ¡°It¡¯s neither charity nor a turning point,¡± I said to them both, the Players in front of us watching the exchange with a mix of dread and confusion. ¡°I just think that maybe we¡¯re better served not making enemies everywhere we go.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± Bee said in a tone that meant it definitely wasn¡¯t. ¡°But we¡¯re taking all the loot from what we kill in the Dungeon!¡± I nodded. ¡°Of course.¡± ¡°Why is there a panda plushie on your shoulder?¡± asked one of the Players suddenly. I turned to look at the guy. He had maybe just turned eighteen, but his youthful face was marred by what he¡¯d experienced in the last week and black rings surrounded his eyes. ¡°You see him?¡± I asked, pointing to Panda. The guy nodded, his ginger curls bobbing slightly. ¡°Am I not supposed to?¡± ¡°Does anyone else see him?¡± I asked the other six Players. Everyone shook their heads. The guy who¡¯d spoken up suddenly looked worried. ¡°Am I going to die?¡± I walked over and patted him on the shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet a fellow liberated spirit. Also, yes, of course you¡¯re going to die. We all will, but until then, keep spreading the truth!¡± Then I spun around and walked towards the doors of the Police Headquarters with Bee right beside me. WARNING! Now entering level 15 Dungeon ¡®Police Headquarters¡¯! Chapter -54 Bee, Panda, and I emerged into the middle of a floor that seemed to belong to a vastly different building. I spun around to take in our surroundings, and¡­ ¡°Where the fuck are we?¡± It was a sea of cubicles that surrounded us. I couldn¡¯t even see the ends of the room, because the cubicles just stretched outward in all directions with seemingly no end. Then, as though spurred on by our arrival, all the cubicle walls grew ten-feet tall. ¡°It¡¯s another maze,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°They must be the cheapest dungeon types to make.¡± I groaned. ¡°I¡¯m done with mazes. This one looks even more boring than those underground ruins.¡± Instead of going anywhere, I sat down on the dark-grey carpet. ¡°Dungeon-Break,¡± I said. Warning! Your ability is now on cooldown! Time remaining: 1.21004566E-5 century ¡°That¡¯s a bit under 11 hours,¡± Panda translated. ¡°I thought it¡¯d been longer than that,¡± I complained. I pulled one of the Victory Champagnes out of my inventory, but it immediately evaporated. Then I pulled out the Fusion Gum. ¡°Gambit¡­ what are you doing?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to fuse Dungeon-Break with Giant-Slayer Lance.¡± ¡°Are you braindead or something!? Why would you do that!?¡± ¡°Because I¡¯m bored of this shitty dungeon layout and I want to break it down!¡± ¡°Now, don¡¯t do anything irrational! Gah, what am I saying¡­ all you do is irrational!¡± ¡°You have gum!?¡± Bee asked excitedly, snatching it from my hands. ¡°Hey, give that back!¡± I yelled, getting to my feet. ¡°Inspect,¡± she said. She made a few surprised sounds as she read through it. ¡°This seems pretty powerful.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because it is,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Don¡¯t let him waste it on something stupid!¡± I took the packet of gum from Bee¡¯s hand and threw it back into my inventory. ¡°Fine! Let¡¯s just beat this dumb maze then.¡± ¡°What about me!! I¡¯m on the verge of bursting!!¡± ¡°Huh? Why?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t level up on my own! You have to do it for me!!¡± ¡°Oh, right. Inspect.¡±
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and impacts twice. While this weapon is equipped, everything tastes Purple. 1 unused level-up point Level Up? Level: 1 Kills remaining until next Evolution: 13
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
I clicked the ¡®level up?¡¯ part of the inspection window and a new screen appeared over top of it.
Brock ¡ª Level 1 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Bouncer Anything hit with this weapon bounces upon impact with the environment. Purple+ Now 2x more PURPLE than ever before!! Inflation The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. All impact damage is turned into internal inflation within whatever is hit.
¡°They really truly want you to pick Purple again, huh?¡± ¡°At this point, I¡¯m inclined to choose it just so it goes away.¡± ¡°I wanna see,¡± said Bee and I showed her the options. After a moment, she answered, ¡°You¡¯ve got to go purple.¡± I clicked the option and Brock made a hiccup sound. ¡°You okay?¡± I asked him. ¡°Fak¡­¡± was all he replied. A pressure grew in my stomach suddenly and I involuntarily spat out a purple clump of goo. The clump began wriggling, sprouted eyes like those on a snail, then let out a screech, before disappearing in a puff of purple smoke. ¡°Purple+ was a mistake¡­¡± I retched again and though nothing more came out, I realized another thing about my body that had changed: my saliva and bile was all purple, not to mention let off a definitely-radioactive glow. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure my blood has changed color too,¡± I said with a grimace. ¡°Why did I let you talk me into picking it?¡± ¡°I was convinced it had to be good,¡± Panda said, with Bee nodding in agreement. ¡°It would be too weird if they just gave you a bad option that didn¡¯t get better later on.¡± I groaned as a dribble of purple spit fell from my lower lip. I desperately wanted some water to wash down the new taste in my mouth, but I knew that there was no escaping the purple taste¡­ ¡°Wait,¡± I said, bringing up the inspection for Brock again.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and impacts twice. While this weapon is equipped, Purple+ is enabled. Level: 1 Kills remaining until next Evolution: 13
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
¡°Aha! I can just take off the glove and I¡¯ll be fine!¡± I immediately pulled Brock off my hand, the suddenness of which made him yelp. ¡°Oy! Warn me in advance, you nong!¡± I spat onto the floor and was elated to see it had turned back to its normal translucent color. ¡°Gross, Gambit¡­¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°Bee, do you have water or anything like that?¡± She nodded. ¡°I stole some from Riii¡¯s production trailer,¡± she said and handed me a water bottle from her inventory. I screwed off the lid and downed the whole thing in seconds. It was the most delicious thing I¡¯d had in ages, even though it was just lukewarm plasticky water. With a satisfied sigh, I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and threw the empty bottle away. ¡°Thanks!¡± I said, then looked at the balloon gauntlet I¡¯d taken off my hand. ¡°You ready, Brock?¡± ¡°Slowly, got it? No ramming your hand in all at once! Fakkin hurts y¡¯know?¡± ¡°Can you two stop talking like that!?¡± Panda complained. ¡°It¡¯s really off-putting.¡± ¡°Panda, consent is important,¡± Bee replied. I slowly slid the gauntlet back over my hand, producing an uncomfortable balloon screeching. As soon as it was back on, my stomach let out an unsettling gurgle, before I retched and spat out a purple goopy clump. Like before, it sprouted eyes and a mouth, screamed, then disappeared in a poof of purple smoke. ¡°I will never get used to that¡­¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯d be more worried if you could get used to something like that,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s figure out where the Police Chief is, so I can tear him a new one.¡± Without waiting for Bee or Panda to agree, I picked one of the four directions in the intersection of cubicles we were in, then set off down the path. While walking past the walls formed by flimsy cubicle walls, it was occasionally possible to see into some of them, where the same sight greeted us every time: a simple L-shaped desk with an old off-white monitor and PC on top, a keyboard, mouse, notepad with two pens, an empty picture frame next to the monitor, a ¡®motivational¡¯ poster to the left of the PC, and a simple grey office chair with wheels. Sometimes the motivational posters changed, but everything else was always the same. Randomly, after being forced to turn down a new path after hitting a T-section in the maze, Bee picked an open cubicle and sat down on the chair. She tried to turn on the PC, but nothing happened. She then tried to draw something on the notepad, but there was no ink in either of the pens. Frustrated, she ripped down the motivational poster, which featured a man with a noose in his hand and the text ¡®Hang in there!¡¯, which seemed like it could be interpreted very poorly¡­ As she walked out of the cubicle, the poster disappeared from her hands and reappeared inside, intact. She next tried to steal the pens, mouse, keyboard, and notepad, but the same thing happened. Lastly, she tried the chair, but it physically couldn¡¯t be pushed out of the cubicle¡¯s opening. ¡°Just give it up already,¡± Panda said. ¡°It¡¯s clearly not working.¡± ¡°I know one of these cubicles has to be the way out!¡± she insisted. I sighed in response. She was probably right, but I was just so tired of the monotonous dungeon design already that I couldn¡¯t get my spirit up. There was hardly any sound in the endless sea of cubicles, aside from our footsteps on the carpet and the low drone of the air-conditioning embedded in the ceiling. I¡¯d already tried to punch my way through the cubicles, but they recovered from damage so quickly that it was impossible to make any headway, let alone create shortcuts between the various paths crisscrossing the space. We continued through the maze for what felt like hours, with Bee checking every open cubicle we walked past. In total, we must¡¯ve stopped by at least forty, but aside from a lot of different disturbing ¡®motivational¡¯ posters, there wasn¡¯t any obvious difference. Despite that, Bee continued to test their pens and PCs. It wasn¡¯t until we rounded another corner in our chosen path that we came to a cubicle with a clear difference: it had two numbers on its notepad written in blue ink. ¡°86,¡± Bee said, sounding both confused and elated to have found a ¡®clue¡¯. Though neither of us understood what the ¡®clue¡¯ was for. ¡°Do you think they want us to check all the cubicles?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°That seems pretty absurd, right?¡± ¡°Maybe it has to do with the number of cubicles,¡± Bee guessed. ¡°We¡¯ve checked exactly 42 already, so maybe if we go past 44 more we¡¯ll find our next clue.¡± I groaned. ¡°You know, my backdoor ability is ready, we could always just leave.¡± ¡°And give up on the Safe Zone Sphere!?¡± Bee replied as though I was out of my mind. ¡°Fine! You lead the way then, and do the counting and whatnot!¡± She smiled, which I thought was an unusual response, but probably she just liked the puzzle aspect of it all. When we came to cubicle number 86 in our journey, there was a new number on the notepad: -17. Bee quickly realized this meant that we had to retrace our steps back to number 69. We¡¯d already passed by it before, but this time it was different, as though visiting number 86 had changed it. Most surprisingly, there was a man seated in the office chair. As we entered his cubicle, the chair spun around to look at us and we saw that he had no face, though the rest of his body was completely normal, with a white shirt, a light-blue tie, and dark-blue dress pants. ¡°Hi, my name is Paul¡ª¡± was all he managed to blurt out before I pulverized his head with my fist. ¡°Git sum!!¡± Brock squealed elatedly as he was covered in blood. ¡°Gambit! Why did you do that!?¡± Bee yelled in outrage. ¡°He could¡¯ve given us the next clue!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not trusting any no-face bastards!¡± ¡°But look! He didn¡¯t even leave any Leftovers! Clearly he was friendly!¡± As the faceless creature¡¯s blood spattered all around the cubicle and spilled onto the floor, it failed to fully stain everything, which, as I looked closely, was actually a clue in itself. ¡°Look,¡± I said, pointing to the spattered wall next to a motivational poster, which depicted shadowy figures looming over a cubicle wall to look at a sleeping worker, with the text below saying ¡®Don¡¯t fall asleep in the office!¡¯ ¡°Is that the number 7?¡± Panda wondered, squinting, somehow. ¡°Well-spotted, Gambit!¡± Bee praised me patronizingly. We left behind the dead headless human imposter and went to cubicle 76, though it was completely normal. Bee nodded as though realizing something and I followed after her as we began retracing our steps. Eventually we were almost all the way back to where we had started. ¡°Cubicle number 7!¡± she said excitedly and gestured with open arms at the cubicle that awaited us. Inside was a door just existing impossibly in the middle of the floor, with a woman in a blue business suit trying to break open its codelock with a crowbar. The woman turned to look at us and I realized I recognized her face from somewhere. ¡°Tell me you know the code,¡± she demanded exasperatedly. ¡°Look, Gambit, it¡¯s Samantha!¡± Bee seemed to appraise her for a moment, before she shared the information with me. I furrowed my brow as I read through it. ¡°We should probably turn around and leave,¡± I said. ¡°I don¡¯t want to get involved with her.¡± Chapter -55
Level 14 ¡®Samantha¡¯ Player x
¡°I just want a cold beer, is that too much to ask for!?¡± Class: Involuntary Protagonist Main Attribute(s): Strength, Vitality, & Defense Every region has one. A protagonist. They aren¡¯t chosen deliberately, it¡¯s more like a lottery that the winners have no say in. Included in their skill-set is the uncanny ability to always be in the right place at the right time, and always somehow ending out on top. However, they are also cursed with always being in the spotlight and having the System antagonize them nonstop. Before the GREAT GAME, Samantha worked at an office doing office-related things. In the small scheme of Castleburg, she was rather influential, having ties to both the Police and the Mayor¡¯s political party. She was actually pretty fulfilled, even though she worked eighty-hour weeks. Now she¡¯s on the warpath to conquer the GREAT GAME and defeat the System that cursed her beautiful life. You know, it¡¯s weird, most Players chosen to become Protagonists are quite happy about it, but not Samantha. She¡¯s a real sour one. She recognizes your face.
¡°How did you find this?¡± Bee asked Samantha. ¡°Did you do the puzzle as well?¡± ¡°Puzzle? What puzzle?¡± her voice had a tone like someone who was used to their orders being followed without question. It immediately set off alarm-bells in my head, but I couldn¡¯t quite place it until I read the part of the appraisal about her ties to the Police and the Mayor. ¡°You!¡± I yelled, pointing at her. ¡°Ah, shit,¡± muttered Panda. ¡°Bee, you might want to stop him before he tries to kill her.¡± Samantha looked away from Bee to glare at me. Then her carefully-plucked eyebrows lifted in recognition. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± ¡°You know Gambit?¡± Bee asked, ignoring Panda¡¯s warning. ¡°Gambit? That¡¯s you?¡± ¡°This dumb bitch had me evicted from my apartment!¡± I shouted. ¡°I had to sell my fridge magnets and give away Kevin because of her!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be mad at me for just doing my job, you social parasite!¡± ¡°Woah, that¡¯s very hostile language from the both of you,¡± Bee said, trying to be a mediator. Samantha looked at her again. ¡°Are you actually human? I¡¯ve killed quite a few things that looked like you.¡± ¡°I was, but then I got this Class and now I¡¯m like this.¡± ¡°Step aside, Bee,¡± I said, flexing the fingers inside the balloon gauntlet. ¡°Hold up, Gambit,¡± Panda said, sitting backwards on her shoulder, forming an X with his arms. ¡°Maybe you don¡¯t have to fight her.¡± ¡°You know what she did, Panda! Don¡¯t try to stop me!¡± ¡°Panda?¡± Samantha asked. ¡°Who¡¯s Panda?¡± Bee pointed at her shoulder. ¡°This guy.¡± ¡°Who? There¡¯s nothing there.¡± ¡°She can¡¯t see him,¡± I growled, ready to pounce as soon as Bee moved aside from the cubicle¡¯s opening. ¡°Ah. You are both turning insane,¡± Samantha realized, taking a step back. The crowbar in her hands transformed into a two-handed sword. I wondered if it was her unique weapon unlocked from the Weaponlution Event. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. ¡°Guys, you don¡¯t want to fight her!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Her Class makes it sound like she¡¯s destined to win!¡± Bee seemed to consider the merit of his words, then she turned around to look at me for guidance. In the same instant, Samantha activated a skill that made a golden aura appear around her body. ¡°Gotcha!¡± I yelled and the effect vanished from her immediately. gasm.org Activated! Ability Stolen: Cheat Death Original Player: Samantha ¡°Hey, what the hell!¡± she yelled. ¡°That has a really long cooldown!¡± I ignored her and quickly said the activation phrase: ¡°Catch it!¡± The golden glow that¡¯d overtaken her just a couple seconds earlier now covered my body, along with a strange sensation of invulnerability. ¡°Wait a minute,¡± I said, realizing what kind of ability this was. ¡°The System gave you a fucking Cheat Death ability!?¡± ¡°And so what? I didn¡¯t have a say in it, but, what, I¡¯m not meant to use it??¡± ¡°That¡¯s clearly unfair treatment,¡± Bee agreed. Samantha sighed and lowered her sword, transforming it into a pencil that she twirled between her fingers, before depositing it behind her right ear. I remembered seeing her play with the very same pencil once when we¡¯d talked at the City Hall in downtown Castleburg, exactly one week prior to my eviction. The gesture rekindled my hatred for the city and those who ran it. ¡°This stupid System is treating me like this all the time,¡± she muttered, clearly frustrated. ¡°Like, I went in here as soon as the Event ended, only to get hopelessly lost. But, wouldn¡¯t you know it? I just happened to find the right door anyway!¡± She sighed again. ¡°Yeah, your life is very hard, because you get everything you want.¡± ¡°Fuck you ¡®Gambit¡¯,¡± she replied. She definitely remembered my real name, but chose to use my new one instead. ¡°I thought you were just some lowly municipality penpusher, but your appraisal says you were chummy with both the Police and the Mayor.¡± ¡°Appraisal?¡± she asked. ¡°You got a Looking Glass, didn¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Oh, that thing.¡± She pulled out her magnifying glass and looked at us through it. ¡°This is kind of a relief,¡± she then said, apparently commenting on the text she read about us. ¡°Just like how I know the System is favoring me, I can tell it wants to get rid of you, cause you¡¯re some kind of stick in the machinery. Granted, it says you¡¯re literally insane, both of you, which the mention of an invisible panda makes me inclined to believe. But the rest is clearly bogus. It¡¯s trying to pit me against you.¡± Bee nodded. ¡°It did the same with these two other people we ran into, and they created a mob to hunt us down, but then we killed a lot of them!¡± ¡°Gambit there is no stranger to mobs,¡± Samantha commented. ¡°You should¡¯ve seen the group of crazies that his very-public arrest created.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know that,¡± I replied, momentarily wrongfooted. ¡°Your unhinged conspiracy drivel really brought them out of the woodworks. Apparently your arrest was proof that the ¡®Deep State¡¯ was silencing its biggest critics and violating the First Amendment. They were conveniently ignoring the fact that you tried to kill the Mayor. Of course, once the Police Chief revealed you also killed his dog, the protests died down quickly.¡± ¡°I was framed! I didn¡¯t kill his dog!¡± ¡°I know,¡± she replied. ¡°You were in on the conspiracy!¡± I yelled, pushing past Bee and making Samantha draw the pencil from behind her ear, turning it into a sword in the same motion. ¡°Gambit, you goddamn moron! Just stop for a moment!¡± Panda pleaded. I turned my head to look at where he still sat on Bee¡¯s shoulder, now facing forward. ¡°She¡¯s probably a Skinstealer like the Mayor and Police Chief!¡± I told him. ¡°I¡¯m not a Skinstealer,¡± she said, her voice calm despite the situation. ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s one either,¡± Bee added. I paused. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Because if she was, why would she be in here to kill the Police Chief?¡± ¡°Hmm¡­ that does make sense.¡± ¡°Actually, I¡¯m only in here to get a Safe Zone Sphere,¡± she said. ¡°I don¡¯t know if the Police Chief is the boss or what, but frankly I don¡¯t care. I¡¯ll kill anything that stands in my way. So, cut the shit and tell me the code.¡± Bee looked at me. ¡°Let¡¯s call a truce, right?¡± I gritted my teeth. ¡°She ruined my life, Bee.¡± Samantha sighed, but didn¡¯t say anything. ¡°I know I might be shooting myself in the foot here,¡± Panda started, ¡°But I¡¯m willing to bet that there¡¯s only one Sphere in this Dungeon. You might want to negotiate before you open the way for her. That is, if you actually know the code. You do, right Bee?¡± ¡°I do,¡± she confirmed. ¡°Do what?¡± asked Samantha. Bee turned to look at her. ¡°If we help you get through this door and get the Safe Zone Sphere, you need to help us kill the Mayor and get another.¡± ¡°Fuck that!¡± she replied. ¡°We can also just fight over who gets to use the door,¡± I told her. ¡°And I took away your cheat ability, so you¡¯ll definitely die.¡± Samantha transformed the sword back into a pencil again. She twirled it between her index and thumb for a bit, clearly thinking it over. ¡°Fine. We have a deal. I was planning to go kill that bastard anyway. I never got the bonus I was promised and I want to kick him in the dick for what he did at last year¡¯s Christmas party.¡± I nodded slowly. ¡°I¡¯ll turn you into paste if you try to renege on our deal.¡± Samantha stared back at me, clearly not afraid, then she asked, rather confused, ¡°Is that a balloon on your hand?¡± ¡°Oy, fak yuu, ya slag!!¡± ¡°She can¡¯t hear you, Brock,¡± Bee said as she walked over to the door in the middle of the empty cubicle and began tapping away on the codelock. I couldn¡¯t tell exactly what she was pressing, but I guessed it was the order of numbers in which we¡¯d found the outlier cubicles earlier. ¡°The balloon talks as well?¡± Samantha asked. ¡°Maybe you should consider making her slightly more insane,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Good idea,¡± I replied. Samantha shook her head, clearly regretting partnering with Bee and I, but it was too late for her to back out now. ¡°Got it!¡± Bee exclaimed. Instead of the door opening, it seemed to release some sort of pulsating energy that transformed our surroundings in the blink of an eye. I looked around at the cubicle that¡¯d now become a temporary holding cell. I recognized the room from the carvings I¡¯d left on the white walls over a year ago, after smuggling a nail into the building in my shoe. No sooner had the maze of cubicles turned into the Police Headquarters than we heard shuffling steps from outside our cell. I didn¡¯t wait for the monsters outside to break in, but instead walked up to the closed door and punched it with Brock so hard that it shot off its hinges and out into the hallway beyond, crushing two monsters that¡¯d been awaiting us. I turned back to look at Bee and Samantha. ¡°Okay, it¡¯s not just a balloon. Noted.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± I said. Chapter -56 I punched a Police Fiend in the torso with Brock, the impact of the squishy balloons turning its skin purple for some reason, before it was sent skipping down the hallway full of temporary holding cells, each impact with the floor leaving a stain of its blood. Bee was firing her Beetle Bolts at the group of Fiends charging our way with their electric claws, but it took at least three shots for her to take just one down, so she was rapidly burning through her Mana. Samantha had used some kind of ability called ¡®Showoff¡¯ and now her hands and feet were glowing. From what I could tell, it was a dual-purpose buff that increased her Strength and Dexterity. As she ran past me, her weapon transforming into an axe that she chopped against the side of a Fiend¡¯s neck, I realized that she was wearing heels. Along with her immaculate dark-blue business suit and blonde perm, she really did give off strong ¡®heartless politician¡¯ vibes. That being said, she was no slouch in a battle, as she cut off the weird flappy head of the Fiend, using her axe, before transforming it into a two-handed sword that she swung to bat away the two creatures right behind it. I shot forward, not wanting to leave it all to her, and punched a Fiend so hard it flew through the wall and into a cell, where its body broke against the simple bed. With a backhanded slap, I sent another Fiend into the wall on the other side of the hallway, but it simply splattered against the soulless white paint, staining it with its dark blood. ¡°Beetle Blast!¡± Bee shouted, hitting one in the abdomen, before the internal explosion tore its body in half. I finished it off with a hard stomp on its neck, turning just in time to witness Samantha killing the last one with a spear. ¡°You two aren¡¯t half-bad,¡± she commented. ¡°This is the first time anyone has been able to keep up with me.¡± ¡°Maybe you just surround yourself with weaklings,¡± I replied. ¡°Your weapon is really cool,¡± Bee told her. ¡°Thanks. It¡¯s quite strong, but fairly limiting, since it has to transform its shape after every kill I get.¡± ¡°I wish I¡¯d gotten a weapon from the Event,¡± she complained. ¡°I¡¯m glad it ended early,¡± she said wistfully, as we began to pick through the Leftovers of the nine we¡¯d killed, the two I¡¯d crushed with the door included in that count. ¡°Oh, I leveled up!¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°Just two more and I can evolve!¡± From the loot, after splitting it amongst us, all we got were three Game Coins each. All the Fiends I¡¯d killed with Brock directly were purple now and gave off a smell of synthetic grape. It was hard to tell if it had any effects other than cosmetic, but I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if hitting another Player with Brock would curse them with the same damaged taste buds as me. If that was the case, it would be almost too cruel to use. ¡°You know,¡± Samantha started, ¡°If the Game Event had run its course, only a max of 1000 people would have survived. I don¡¯t know why it ended early, but whoever was the reason for it happening saved thousands of lives.¡± I scoffed, but didn¡¯t say anything else. ¡°Why are you after the Safe Zone Sphere?¡± she asked. I shrugged. ¡°I just want it because it¡¯s special.¡± ¡°¡­You¡¯re not trying to build a Safe Zone?¡± This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Not really, no.¡± She frowned. ¡°Well, the one I get from here I¡¯ll use to shelter all those too under-leveled or traumatized to deal with this new world.¡± ¡°I think she has a Savior Complex,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Makes me sick,¡± I muttered. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Samantha asked, clearly having heard what I said. ¡°I said your words make me sick,¡± I told her. ¡°The System made you the ¡®hero¡¯ of this region and you¡¯re really leaning into it, right? But you¡¯re no better than me or anyone else. You got number one in the Event, which means you killed twenty-five Players the fastest. Not really much of a Hero if you are able to just kill people that easily.¡± ¡°I fight for the Greater Good, I always have,¡± she said, justifying her actions. She didn¡¯t even seem fazed about killing other Players, yet I was supposed to be the ¡®crazy¡¯ one here. ¡°You know what the Greater Good is?¡± I asked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°A fucking convenient excuse to commit atrocities.¡± Bee grabbed me by the arm. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s get this over with, I¡¯m afraid I might catch something from this lady if we stick around for too long.¡± The two of us walked out of the hallway with all the cells, leaving Samantha behind. Before she could catch up to us, we¡¯d crossed the threshold that would lead out into the lobby area. However, that¡¯s not where we went. No, as soon as we crossed through the doorway, it was like we were in freefall. Though it was more a sensation than actual falling. The surroundings changed and darkened, before a message appeared: WARNING! Now entering level 30 Sub-Dungeon ¡®The Siren¡¯s Lair¡¯! ¡°Ah, what the shit¡­¡± ¡°Why are we in a parking lot?¡± Bee asked, looking around in confusion, but still holding my arm tightly. I wondered if she was scared. I pulled my arm out of her grip and walked a bit away, looking at our surroundings. It was a dark indoor parking garage, with a gray concrete floor painted with white markings and brown-orange lights spaced out at even intervals in the ceiling, yet they somehow didn¡¯t provide enough illumination to offset the eerie shadows. There were also ramps leading up and down, and I got a strange sense of nostalgia and dread from looking around. The garage spaces were half-full at the moment, but it looked like the cars had been here for many years, with their owners just never returning to get them. ¡°It doesn¡¯t really look like a ¡®lair¡¯,¡± Panda remarked from where he sat on my shoulder. ¡°How the fuck do we get back?¡± ¡°You could always teleport out.¡± ¡°Ah, right, good idea. Bee, come here.¡± She walked over to me and I grabbed her wrist. ¡°back_door.bat,¡± I said, picturing the hallway with the cells that we¡¯d just left. Immediately our surroundings changed, depositing us back in the sterile lock-up with the ruined bodies of the Police Fiends all around us. Samantha was nowhere to be seen however, even though we¡¯d just been gone for a few seconds. It was quite possible that she¡¯d ended up in the same place as us, but somehow I felt like that wasn¡¯t quite right. No doubt her Protagonist Class made sure that she got the ability to shine on her own, rather than playing second fiddle to me. Too bad for her and the showrunners who were clearly showing her favoritism, because we¡¯d come back and we¡¯d totally crash her solo party. However, as soon as I took a step towards the exit, the same sensation of falling overtook me and returned us to the garage.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Pull of the Backrooms¡¯ Realized there is no escape.
You may be a slippery little Glitch, but there are some rules you cannot bend quite that easily. You¡¯re stuck in here, and the only way to escape is to defeat the thing that calls this place ¡®home¡¯.
Reward: The somber realization that you¡¯re screwed
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s not good,¡± Panda commented. Then suddenly a police siren blared from below. It was so loud that it made my ears hurt and scrambled my thoughts briefly. A few seconds passed, with the siren showing no signs of letting up. ¡°I think it¡¯s coming closer,¡± Bee said ominously. Chapter -57 It felt like we were supposed to be running for our lives, but I wasn¡¯t having any of that. ¡°Gambit¡­ where are you going?¡± Panda asked suspiciously, as I walked towards the ramp of the garage that led down. ¡°Where does it look like I¡¯m going?¡± I asked him. He sighed dramatically, but it seemed I¡¯d crushed his spirit to the point that he no longer felt any desire to complain. Bee was following a few paces behind me, her hands raised slightly above her chest as she prepared to shoot the first thing we saw with one of her Bolts. I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at her. ¡°You know, if you want, you can wait here.¡± ¡°I¡¯m coming with you,¡± she said resolutely. ¡°Do you think Samantha is in here too?¡± Panda wondered. I shook my head and continued down the ramp. ¡°She¡¯s probably being fast-tracked to the real boss, while we¡¯re in here with some no-doubt-fucked-up monster.¡± ¡°The announcement said it was a Sub-Dungeon,¡± Bee remarked. ¡°And it¡¯s level 30.¡± ¡°They¡¯re trying pretty hard to kill us, huh?¡± ¡°Why do you sound happy about that?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Gambit, I¡¯m with ya foreva!!¡± ¡°Thanks, Brock.¡± As we went down the ramp to the floor below where we¡¯d landed, the police siren became so loud that it was hard to really focus on my thoughts. This level was pretty much the same as the one before, though it did seem slightly darker. Imperceptibly so. ¡°Weird,¡± Panda remarked, his voice clear through the siren noise. ¡°What is?¡± I half-yelled. ¡°The cars are in the same spots. Look at that dark-blue Sedan, it has the same scratch on its hood, and that boxy one over there has the same stain of bird shit on the passenger-side window.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t tell.¡± ¡°I think Panda is right,¡± Bee also half-yelled. There wasn¡¯t anything different here though, so we continued down to the level below. Every step down the concrete ramp made the siren so much louder. ¡°I think my ears are bleeding!¡± Bee yelled. ¡°Mine too!¡± I replied. As we came out into the third floor, Panda pointed and yelled, ¡°Look! It¡¯s the same Sedan and box car!¡± ¡°That is weird!¡± I yelled. ¡°What!?¡± Bee yelled back. ¡°Brock is feeling tingly.¡± Like Panda, his voice cut through the noise with ease, which raised some uncomfortable questions that I quickly shoved away to the dark recesses of my mind where such existential questions ought to reside. Once again, it felt like the light was slightly dimmer here, but only by like 3% less than the one above. However, it was still illuminated enough that my Transition Lenses did not activate. We continued to the ramp that led down to the floor below, both of us having to cup our ears against the noise. It was at such a volume that every pulse of sound rattled my ribcage and interfered with my breathing, as though the sound waves were punching my lungs. As we rounded the concrete barrier and came to the top of the ramp, we both froze as we saw what awaited below. Lodged between the ramp floor and the ceiling above was an enormous figure in a crouched position. If I had to guess, it would easily be forty-feet tall if able to stand to its full height. Its body was strangely gaunt, almost skeletally-thin, with its legs and arms comprised of two or three bones per upper-and-lower segment, with cable-like veins snaking around them, and tightly-stretched dark-red skin. Its upper body was relatively small in comparison with its limbs and was comprised of a ribcage and spine, also wrapped in those strange veins and the tight skin. Strangest of all was its neck, which curved out like a hook and was covered in megaphone-shaped speakers, as well as cone-like police sirens that were spinning and flashing red-and-blue light around its body. It had no visible eyes, though, as I looked closer, I saw that there were mouths inside the speakers. Its hands and feet were also much too large for its gangly limbs, and each had seven digits. Bee put a hand on my shoulder from behind and shared the appraisal she¡¯d performed with her glasses.
Level 30 ¡®Police Siren¡¯ Boss x
¡°*Siren noises*¡± Many monsters appearing in the GREAT GAME are inspired by folktales, myth, your strange religions, and even the depths of your internet. This creature is one of the last category, which has been retrofitted to match the Police theme going on here. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. The Siren is a creature that stalks its prey, humans, by playing sounds that unsettles them, slowly raising their fear and paranoia, until it appears out of nowhere and uses its big hands to crush and tear their bodies apart, smearing the blood all over its torso. We¡¯re not quite sure how it gains sustenance from this, but it¡¯s certainly very effective at killing humans. If you¡¯ve ever wondered how it feels to be killed by sound, then today is your lucky day!
Despite the intensity of the sound, I quickly leapt at the enormous monster, which was ever so slowly crouch-walking its way towards us, one hand on the floor and one on the ceiling. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± I yelled and swung my fist at its head after leaping from the top of the ramp. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! SCRIPT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY DUE TO: unCollide.glitchCollision()! ¡°Smack!!¡± Brock connected with one of the megaphone-like speakers and though the impact rocked the Siren¡¯s neck-head-thing back briefly, it seemed to not have done that much damage. Before I could fall back down to the ground, the hand held against the ceiling swung down, catching me and smacking me into the floor with enough force to crack the cement and send up a cloud of dust. A golden shimmer erupted from my skin and a message appeared in the center of my vision. SKILL TRIGGER! The Hero Will Live To Fight Another Day! gasm.org Deactivated! Ability Returned: Cheat Death Original Player: Samantha ¡°Beetle Blast!¡± I heard Bee yell, before a projectile struck the back of the hand pinning me and exploding parts of its dark-red skin, managing to dismember one of its seven fingers. I punched Brock against the palm of the giant hand holding me, creating just enough room for me to get out. As soon as I was clear I beelined it for Bee, who had collapsed to the floor in exhaustion, not even having enough strength to cover her ears. Without pausing my stride, I picked her up. ¡°Skater Boy!¡± I said out loud and the longboard appeared in front of me. I hopped on, while carrying Bee over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, then kicked off and sped towards the ramp that led up. The Siren began scrambling up the ramp behind us, clearly furious that I¡¯d gotten away. ¡°Fucking hell that thing is scary!¡± ¡°Gambit, you need to hit it harder!¡± ¡°Yeah, no shit!¡± ¡°No, I mean, you have to pull out the Plugin that¡¯s preventing your Punch Harder from going recursive.¡± I knew he was right, but part of me dreaded turning around to face the freaky boss monster. I also had no idea whether it was possible or not, since both my Plugins seemed pretty firmly rooted in there. It was likely that I¡¯d need Bee¡¯s help for it. ¡°Different plan!¡± I said, stopping and spinning around on my back wheels. [HOT MOVES!] ¡°Ugh, shut up,¡± I told the pretend-skateboard, then aimed my palm at the corner of the barrier where the Siren would be coming into sight any second now, judging by the sounds from below. My hearing cut out for a moment and I had the sensation of something warm trickling down the right side of my neck. I blinked and it was already up the ramp and halfway around the corner, using both arms and legs to crawl in a disturbing manner, and it was crazy fast. ¡°Giant-Slayer Lance!¡± I yelled, and the spinning projectile started forming in front of me, but it didn¡¯t seem fast enough to hit before that thing came within reach. ¡°Come on, you slow piece of shit!¡± I yelled at the building ballista bolt. The Siren was so loud that it was impossible to focus. I knew that I should run, but I worried that if I moved the spell would end prematurely without firing. It was also possible that the noise itself was interfering with my decision-making. Only fifteen yards separated me from the giant creepy boss, with each pull of its large claws against the concrete floor eating up the distance between us rapidly. A loud woosh came from the air in front of me as the Lance fired, with plumes of dust shooting to either side of it. The projectile was nearly twice my height in length and as it collided with the boss, it sheared through some of its speakers and police sirens, before coring its way through its relatively-small ribcage and shooting through the bottom of its spine that connected to the thin legs, severing it slightly above the ¡®hip¡¯, if you could call it that. The Glitch Collision seemed to have zero effect on it like I¡¯d hoped, but it didn¡¯t matter. ¡°Holy shit! I did it!¡± I exclaimed, jumping for joy atop the board, while Bee swished around, producing uncomfortable grunts. ¡°It¡¯s not dead yet!¡± Panda warned. The Siren was briefly stunned, but then the upper body shot into motion again, clawing across the floor at an even greater speed than before. With a surprised and disgusted yelp, I spun around and kicked off the ground, doing a simple jump to increase my board¡¯s speed. [EXCELLENT!] said the mouth at the front of the longboard, even though it could hardly be considered a trick. Nevertheless, I felt a boost of speed flow through me, and was able to round the corner and shoot up the ramp with only a few pumps of my right foot to help me up. The sound of the Siren¡¯s noise had turned discordant and warped, thanks to the destruction of several of its speakers. It almost sounded like a never-ending scream, which was fitting as it continued to barrel along the concrete floor to chase me. I didn¡¯t look back, and instead climbed as many floors as I could, putting more-and-more distance between us and the monster with every floor. When we got to what was possibly the fifteenth floor and I was severely out of breath and Stamina, I sat Bee down and began trying to remove the Plugin in my collarbone. ¡°Bee, use your Litany of System Prayers to get Mana back,¡± Panda told her, and she sluggishly pulled out the book and began mumbling as she read it. ¡°I can¡¯t believe it survived my Giant-Slayer Lance,¡± I said, while struggling to turn the handle on the Plugin¡¯s top. The sirens still blared from nearby, but I was fairly sure there were three floors separating us still, though I kept my ears piqued. ¡°It definitely did a lot of damage, thanks to the huge level difference,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°But I don¡¯t think they meant for you to be able to kill it.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯ll kill it!¡± ¡°You were running away just a moment ago,¡± he said dryly. ¡°It¡¯s huge and creepy, of course I¡¯d run to create some breathing room.¡± Following a quick look of surprise and shock, Panda nodded sagely. ¡°I have taught you well.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t take credit for my character growth!¡± I told him. ¡°Also. You need to spin the handle the other way, you¡¯re only tightening the Plugin more right now.¡± I sighed. ¡°Bee, can you help me with this?¡± She stumbled upright, but at least she remained standing this time, albeit unsteadily. ¡°I think I overdid my spellcasting,¡± she commented, then puked all over the boots of my Carapace Suit. I looked down at my feet. ¡°¡­Thanks.¡± Chapter -58 A loud hiss escaped from the hole in-between my clavicle bones as Panda and Bee worked together to pull the Plugin out of my body. PLUGIN REMOVED. Terminating ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol. Uninstalling¡­ Something like a CPU fan started spinning loudly from inside the metal cylinder and it got significantly hotter for a few seconds, while the sounds of whirring CD-ROMs joined the cacophony. PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! ¡°It¡¯s so dramatic,¡± I muttered. The siren sounds were significantly closer, now less than two floors below and rising quickly. ¡°So, what¡¯s your plan?¡± Panda asked. I started cackling maniacally, before saying, simply, ¡°I¡¯m going to punch it until it dies.¡± ¡°Really? That¡¯s the best you can do?¡± ¡°Until I get an orbital laser, yes.¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to help,¡± Bee said eagerly, but she was slurring her speech and swaying on her feet. Not to mention, the bottom of my Carapace Suit still smelled like her vomit. ¡°You go sit over there,¡± Panda told her, in a ¡®let the grown-ups handle this¡¯ voice. ¡°¡­Okay,¡± she replied, not needing much convincing. Once she¡¯d sat down, she pulled out the Prayer Book again and started muttering along with the text. ¡°Running low on Mana is already kind of exhausting, from what I can tell,¡± Panda said, ¡°But using beyond your capacity, i.e. dipping into minus values, that leads to whatever the hell is happening to her right now.¡± ¡°She looks drunk.¡± He sighed. ¡°So, your plan, please tell me it¡¯s more than just ¡®punch it very hard¡¯.¡± ¡°That¡¯s all I¡¯ve got.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s a simple thing to kill.¡± ¡°I already cut it in half.¡± ¡°For all we know that did zero damage. My suggestion is to try and destroy its head and upper torso. If you aim properly, your recursive punch might accomplish it.¡± I nodded. ¡°Seems simple enough.¡± ¡°BUT!¡± he then added hastily, ¡°If it looks like you won¡¯t be able to kill it, you¡¯ve got to use the Interrupt spell on yourself!¡± ¡°It¡¯ll work,¡± I told him. I hopped on the longboard and kicked off, leaving Bee by herself with the book in her hands. I doubted she even noticed I was gone. As I glided across the concrete floor towards the ramp leading down to the maelstrom of loud-ass sirens, a ringing sound pierced through it and a pop-up appeared in my vision.
Benefactor Quest
This is a Quest given to you by your Benefactor. Failure to complete the Quest will result in a penalty of the Benefactor¡¯s choosing. This is your Quest: Be a Good Boy and let that nasty Siren see you in your full glory, before you slay it with your fists. Miranda
Reward: 100x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
I let out a sigh, then said, ¡°Unequip All¡­¡± SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! My purple loincloth was fully revealed and somehow seemed to heat up more than its already higher temperature. As I rolled forward, the limp tail flailed around behind me. GOOD BOY. ¡°Ugh,¡± I said with a shudder. ¡°You whore,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°Dude, it¡¯s 100 Coins! And weren¡¯t you the one who told us not to mess with the Benefactors?¡± ¡°I never said that. I said not to mess with Absolutes. You¡¯re just following the orders of a lowly Demon. The one that Bee has is genuinely terrifying.¡± Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Why?¡± I asked, as I felt my increased speed flow through me and down into my board. ¡°The strongest Demons can maybe expect to rule a planet like Earth one day, but that makes them little different than humans, except more depraved. Actually no. Scratch that. Anyway, Absolutes are like cosmic phenomena.¡± ¡°Like Black Holes?¡± I asked, jokingly. ¡°Yes! Exactly like that! One of them is literally the Concept of Black Holes incarnate. He eats star systems!¡± ¡°¡­Why would something like that be interested in the Great Game? Wouldn¡¯t it be insignificant to them?¡± ¡°Yes, of course it is. So, the fact that some of them are getting involved should scare you! I¡¯ve got no clue about this All-Mother thing that likes to give Bee food, but, knowing their kind, it¡¯s probably something like the Concept of Sustenance incarnate and it has the power to instantly starve this world to death if it wanted. They¡¯re fucking terrifying!¡± ¡°Let¡¯s say I believe you¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s the truth!¡± ¡°¡­How exactly do you know all this?¡± Panda made a sound, a bit like ¡®Eeep!¡¯, before pointing down to the bottom of the ramp. ¡°Look!¡± I allowed myself to be steered away from the topic and followed his pointing arm to see that the Siren was rapidly ascending. With a kickflip, I added more speed to my board, before taking the ramp down towards the severed monstrosity that was crawling up to meet me, bringing its awful head-splitting noise with it. In the last moment before we collided, I leapt from the board and raised my fist in the air above me. ¡°Wheeeew!!¡± squealed Brock, while Panda was holding on to my shoulder for dear life and my longboard was crushed under one of the Siren¡¯s enormous hands. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± I roared, before swinging my purple balloon gauntlet down onto the very top of the strange neck-head-thing of the boss. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! ¡°Fak yuu!!¡± roared Brock and the sound of a double thunderclap echoed down the ramp. REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! ¡°Fak yuu, again!!¡± Another repeat, several times stronger and faster than the second. ¡°Fa¡ª!!¡± A repeat 0.093 seconds later. ¡°¡ªk!!¡± Repeat. ¡°Yu¡ª!!¡± Repeat, this time with enough force to break all the fingers in my hand. ¡°¡ªu!!¡± Then the next eight punches came in such quick succession that Brock couldn¡¯t even fit a single syllable between them. With every rapid repeat, I barely had time to register that my arm was unravelling, first the skin shedding from my knuckles, followed by the tissue and muscle burning away, then the tendons, before lastly my bones themselves turned to dust so microscopic that it was impossible to see. Every hit also seemed to raise more of the dust particles into the air, and it was immediately becoming impossible to see what I was even hitting. My nerves were so destroyed that I couldn¡¯t actually tell if I was hitting something. But the punches kept repeating as they struck, each repeat grinding away more-and-more of my limb, turning it into a nub that eventually couldn¡¯t punch anymore. As the last punch landed, it released a potent shockwave that fractured and collapsed the ramp floor and ceiling around us, before I was tossed backwards up the way I¡¯d come, skipping once against the top of the ramp, before flying off into a ceiling lamp, and ending atop the hood of a car. Smoke was billowing off my stump, which ended right at the elbow joint, or well, where it would¡¯ve been. Strangely, Brock was wrapped around the end, still in the shape of a gauntlet, giving off the impression that I had a freakishly-tiny right arm, but it was impossible to ¡®punch¡¯ anymore without the elbow joint. Panda popped out from under me and hopped onto my chest. Even his slight weight made it clear that I had bruises all over and that, once again, several of my ribs were cracked. I was fairly sure I¡¯d also broken a few of my toes, and received a minor concussion. ¡°That was weird,¡± he said, looking back at the collapsed ramp. ¡°Tell me it¡¯s dead¡­¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s dead alright. But it took way more punches than it should¡¯ve.¡± ¡°What a ride¡­ I feel like I was violated with a steel brush¡­¡± Brock muttered. ¡°I think I liked it?¡± ¡°I think what happened,¡± Panda continued, ¡°Is that your skill considered Brock a target, but he seems indestructible, so that¡¯s why it didn¡¯t end before your arm was rendered no longer functional.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re saying I can¡¯t use the skill while having him equipped?¡± ¡°Not exactly, but you¡¯d have to know when to interrupt it. The Siren was reduced to nothingness after the first six punches, when you did around a billion damage or something ridiculous. This recursive math is really quite poorly balanced. Make sure you watch out for the Glitch Hunters since they also seem to use recursive attacks. Granted, the biggest thing that makes it so powerful right now is how Brock multiplies the impact damage.¡± I tried to push myself up off the car with my right hand¡­ but it was obviously not there. ¡°I¡¯ll have to get better at using my left arm,¡± I told myself, switching to that and getting off the hood that I¡¯d crushed with my body. ¡°Don¡¯t plan around deleting your arm in the future,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°Can we go again?¡± Brock asked meekly, sounding flustered for some reason. It was making me uncomfortable. Using my mind, I opened my inventory and equipped the Carapace Suit again. Before I could take a step forward, a ball of pinkish purple smoke appeared in the air before me, quickly popping and dropping a single large Game Coin that I stooped to pick up. With it, my total was brought up to 233, the value of which I had no idea about, as we hadn¡¯t encountered any Merchants yet. I walked over to where Bee sat. ¡°You okay?¡± she asked, closing her book and standing up. She was still a bit wobbly, but seemed better. ¡°I could use a hand,¡± I told her. She looked at the right sleeve of my Suit, which had ¡®helpfully¡¯ shrunk to match the new length of my arm. ¡°Was that meant to be a joke?¡± she asked. ¡°Also, that looks really weird.¡± ¡°Sometimes you don¡¯t have to say something just to fill the silence,¡± Panda told her. ¡°You¡¯ve been calling him a moron all day, not like you have the moral high ground here,¡± she replied. ¡°You vomited on my boots,¡± I told her, making it obvious that she was little better. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°So, uh, have you noticed we¡¯re still in here?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Maybe killing the Boss wasn¡¯t the way to leave?¡± I wondered. ¡°Do you think¡ª?¡± Bee started to ask before an achievement appeared.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Maybe we expected too much¡¯ Failed to realize the point of the Dungeon.
The Siren¡¯s Lair was a beautiful and very artistic Sub-Dungeon meant to be a real anxiety-inducing nightmare, wherein Players were forced to solve a multilayered ¡®spot the difference¡¯ puzzle across several floors of the parking garage. It was actually very fair and balanced, to the point that a Level 5 Player could do it, despite the Difficulty Rating applied to the place. But then you came along and fucked it all up with your dumb stupid idiotic moron ways! You suck! You ruin the fun and variety of Dungeons! And I hope you die soon! Unfortunately, you did technically clear the Dungeon by killing the Boss, so, while it pains me to do this¡­
Reward: You get to leave, but don¡¯t expect anything else¡­
A doorway appeared in the air in front of us, before a powerful sucking air pulled us through and spat us out into the Police Headquarters hallway with all the cells. I was about to ask ¡®What about the loot!?¡¯ when I spotted a red-glowing wisp nearby and stuck my hand in it: Leftovers of Boss ¡®Police Siren¡¯: 20x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ ¡®Police Siren¡¯s Police Siren¡¯ ¡®unHaunt Plugin¡¯ Chapter -59 The realization that I wasn¡¯t going to be immediately healed back to full was dawning on me, as I picked up the Leftovers from the Siren.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -14! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Dungeon Clears required for Level -15 0/2
¡°Huh, the Sub-Dungeon counted for my level-up requirement.¡± ¡°I got a level too,¡± Bee said. ¡°Just one more now!¡± ¡°You know, I think they give a level for each dungeon you clear below level 10,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°That¡¯s how it was with you, Gambit.¡± ¡°Did you get a Full Recovery?¡± I asked Bee. She nodded. ¡°You didn¡¯t?¡± I looked at my missing right arm and considered the pain in my entire body, plus the blood dripping from my ears, which still rang with a tinnitus whine. ¡°¡­No.¡± ¡°I think level 1 to 10 counts as the tutorial,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°So now I¡¯m just screwed then!?¡± ¡°Gambit, it¡¯s called consequences.¡± I sat down on the floor of the hallway with a huff. I knew he was right, but it was annoying. Of course, it had been unrealistic to expect to continue getting away with destroying my body to kill a boss, and then hoping to get a Full Recovery before I died from my wounds. Part of me suspected that this switch-up might be just to fuck with me specifically. ¡°Maybe defeating the Police Headquarters dungeon counts like normal and gives you a Full Recovery?¡± Bee guessed. ¡°Don¡¯t give him hope,¡± Panda scolded her. ¡°Let him stew in the consequences of his behavior.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the one that told him to pull out the Plugin!¡± she defended me. ¡°It¡¯s fine, Bee. He¡¯s right.¡± Panda gasped in shock. ¡°Stop,¡± he then said. ¡°I don¡¯t think I can actually handle you not being contrarian.¡± ¡°You two have a very unhealthy relationship,¡± Bee remarked dryly. ¡°Let¡¯s see what we got,¡± I said, hoping to change the topic. ¡°Inventory.¡±
Gambit¡¯s Inventory x
A wanted poster that reads ''Gambit'' Magnifying glass Black Whistle (yes, that''s a whistle) Wet pyjamas Business suit Screwdriver Fingerless socks Pocket-watch Survival kit Plugin Tray of victory champagne Trophy Another trophy (yes, the images are identical, sue me) Packet of gum Moon boots (the kind with shitty springs or whatever it is in the bottom, not the real kind) The inescapable dread of existence Another business suit (this one is broken, you just can''t tell) Second plugin Police Siren''s police siren Would you believe me if I told you it''s a third plugin?
GAME Coins: 243 Total Inventory Weight: 177.064838 Pandas (why did I make the weight system? what does it even truly matter? find out whenever I actually figure it out)
¡°Hm, those Plugins are quite heavy.¡± ¡°You¡¯re carrying around 172 times my weight? That¡¯s quite a lot. I think?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t feel very heavy,¡± I said. I pulled out the Siren and the unHaunt Plugin, but before inspecting either, I brought up my Status and inserted my new point into Vitality. It was hard to argue for any of the other attributes, when Vitality increased both my Health and Stamina.
Level -14 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
---A red bar that is full of insanity fluid (fun fact: it tastes like pineapple and oranges)--- Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Snow Sled Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Quokka Intelligence: ? Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: ×ÓÈ® Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ null null ¡®unHero¡¯ gasm.org Anti Heroism ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯
¡°I just realized,¡± Panda said, ¡°Your Mana has the text ¡®Scratch Me!¡¯ on it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not touching that,¡± I told him seriously. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°What if it like opens a hole in my body and my soul leaks out!?¡± ¡°Come on, Gambit, that¡¯s too far-fetched¡­ actually, hmm, nevermind.¡± ¡°See!¡± I inspected the new Plugin I¡¯d gotten.
¡®unHaunt Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Overcoming ones fears is a great way to become a little bit scary yourself. However, some horrors, like the creepy monstrosities born out of nightmares, aren¡¯t really meant to be overcome¡­ As Nietzsche put it: ¡°He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.¡± Plugin Ability: wannaCry Plugin Passive: Jumpscare
Weight: 81.211420 Pandas
¡°Ugh, they¡¯re quoting Nietzsche,¡± I muttered. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with Nietzsche!?¡± Bee asked, offended. ¡°I wanna see! Show me!¡± ¡°Anyone actively quoting him is a total Edgelord,¡± I told her, then shared the info with a thought. I realized I¡¯d been operating a lot of the interfaces and such with just my mind lately. ¡°You just don¡¯t get it,¡± she replied. ¡°He was a brilliant mind.¡± ¡°She¡¯s a total fan,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°I¡¯m getting strong Normie vibes from you, Bee.¡± She ignored me. ¡°Show me the abilities!¡±
¡®wannaCry¡¯ x
Plugin Ability You know how to really make someone cry? Destroying the things they love the most. This isn¡¯t quite that, but it¡¯s still sure to make anyone you use it on soil their panties. Indicate a target and utter the words ¡®I¡¯ll make you cry!¡¯ to disable their abilities for the duration specified below. Duration: 2 minutes Cooldown: 24 hours
¡®Jumpscare¡¯ x
Plugin Passive Have you ever met those people who are just naturally terrifying? They don¡¯t even mean to, but the way they walk up on you or swing around corners suddenly always makes you jump out of your skin. Well, that¡¯s you now. Players become naturally terrified of you if they have less Vitality than your Strength value. Additionally, every time you terrify or scare someone, they incur a 5% increase to their Insanity Gauge. However, those transformed into Insanity Monstrosities due to your actions now become Boss-level Enemies with twice the transformed Player¡¯s original stats.
¡°Doesn¡¯t your unHero plugin do something similar?¡± Panda asked. ¡°You mean this?¡± I pulled up the Passive he was referring to.
¡®Anti Heroism¡¯ x
Plugin Passive Why bother hunting down monsters when you can make your own? While fighting Players that are considered ¡®Morally Good¡¯, all your damage dealt to them also raises their Insanity Gauge. Side-effects include: monologuing about evil plans; maniacal laughter; world-domination ideas involving lasers; glowing-red eyes; & an astounding aptitude for acquiring henchmen.
¡°Yes! You¡¯re definitely on track to becoming a real menace to humanity.¡± ¡°I wonder if the Insanity Monsters you make can be killed to count towards level-ups,¡± Bee said, a curious expression on her green-skinned face. Panda and I both blinked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Are you sure you aren¡¯t taking the villain idea a bit too far?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I mean, clearly the System is trying to turn Gambit into a monster, who creates monsters.¡± I nodded. ¡°Yeah, it does seem that way, doesn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°But you don¡¯t have to join in and also become a menace like him.¡± I ignored him and said, ¡°I¡¯m impressed though, Bee. That¡¯s some really sinister thinking.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just being practical.¡± ¡°Help me put it into my Plugin Slot,¡± I told her. ¡°You¡¯re kidding me¡­¡± Panda said, exasperatedly. Chapter -60 PLUGIN INSERTED. Booting up ¡®unHaunt¡¯ protocol. Installing¡­ The sound of a default landline phone chime came from the Plugin and it made my whole upper body vibrate, rattling my teeth. PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unHaunt¡¯ protocol now in effect! Panda was sitting with his face buried in his squishy hands, while Bee helped me with the new Plugin. ¡°Wait, I just had a thought,¡± she said, as she looked at me. ¡°Won¡¯t the effect hit me too?¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s fine since the System doesn¡¯t consider you a Player?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t really matter, does it?¡± Panda said. ¡°She¡¯s already above 100% Insanity, not like she can become 200% Insane.¡± ¡°Have you forgotten that my Insanity Gauge is over the max?¡± ¡°Well, what do you think happens at 200%? I bet nothing. It clearly isn¡¯t meant to even go above 100.¡± ¡°I wonder if I would transform again,¡± Bee said. ¡°¡­Yeah, let¡¯s not try to experiment with that.¡± ¡°Such a killjoy,¡± I told him. ¡°Time to get a move on,¡± he then said. ¡°Samantha might still be in here fighting the Boss.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not done looking at my new items,¡± I told him stubbornly. ¡°Me neither!¡± Bee said. She had her Police Siren in hand. After a moment, she put it on top of her head and ran in a circle while making sounds like an ambulance. ¡°What was that for?¡± I asked, but then I inspected the item that lay by my feet.
¡®Police Siren¡¯s Police Siren¡¯ x
A Police Siren once belonging to the Police Siren. In order to unlock its power, you must put it on your head and enthusiastically say ¡°Weewuu!¡± Yes, it¡¯s being recorded.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°¡­Ah.¡± With a sigh, I put the cone-shaped siren on top of my head and said, ¡°Weewuu,¡± as unenthusiastically as I could manage. Nothing happened. ¡°You have to put your soul into it!¡± Bee encouraged me. ¡°Are you f¡­ ugh, fine!¡± I ran around like she¡¯d done, doing a circle between the walls, while making the ambulance sound as loudly as I could. When I stopped, I looked up at the ceiling and asked, ¡°Is that good enough for you!?¡±
Choose your reward! x
You will just do anything for a reward, won¡¯t you? By the way, you won¡¯t be getting any royalties from when we air this in front of untold trillions of viewers. Sucks to be you, I guess.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Dog.under( )¡¯ | ¡®Weewuu¡¯ | ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯
¡°Gambit, stop yelling at the ceiling,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°No one is listening, you just didn¡¯t do it right the first time.¡± ¡°They¡¯re definitely listening! They even said they have spy drones following us!¡± ¡°Where?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I don¡¯t see anything.¡± ¡°They probably made them invisible,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°I¡¯m going to find it and destroy it,¡± I promised him. ¡°Sure, sure. Have fun chasing invisible drones.¡± I huffed. ¡°You¡¯ll see.¡± Then I inspected the options from the Police Siren.
¡®Dog.under( )¡¯ x If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Ability Ever heard the saying: ¡°Small dog big bark¡±? Release a loud bark that deals damage based on your Vitality Attribute multiplied with the number of Levels you are below your target.
¡®Weewuu¡¯ x
Passive Just like painting red stripes or lightning bolts on a car makes it go faster, it is also important to not neglect the sound it makes. Now pretend you¡¯re that car. While making sounds like an ambulance, you move 15% faster.
¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ x
Ability Become your very own B-Movie Horror villain! Prevents a target from running away from you, bending reality such that all escape paths and doors lead back towards you. Cooldown: 12 hours Duration: 5 minutes
¡°Definitely not picking ¡®Weewuu¡¯,¡± I groaned. ¡°Could take the last option and really lean into your new horror villain persona,¡± Panda joked. ¡°Good idea!¡± ¡°No, I¡ª¡± ¡°Done!¡± ¡°Look what I picked!¡± Bee said before Panda could start complaining.
¡®Beetle Bomb¡¯ x
Ability Bumbling Beetle Bombs blast brightly, blowing blazing black billowing blossoms! Create a ball of flechettes that grows in size and Mana cost for every second spent charging it. Once thrown, it will explode after 5 seconds or if struck. Mana Cost: 4 (+2 per second)
¡°Damn, that¡¯s actually really cool,¡± I told her. ¡°It¡¯s one less Mana to use than Blast, but two more than Bolt. It¡¯s a good ability to have against groups, which I¡¯ve been lacking.¡± ¡°Just don¡¯t over-exhaust yourself again,¡± Panda told her. ¡°If Gambit hadn¡¯t saved you, you would¡¯ve died.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t realize I could go into negative Mana,¡± she replied. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t have expected that either,¡± I said. ¡°Well, now you know you can, so be careful.¡± Getting back to my feet, I began moving towards the exit out of the holding cells. Bee quickly followed after me. It was hard to tell how seriously injured I was, except for the missing right arm of course, because the squishy and soft insides of the Carapace Suit was fitting me so well and applying pressure in all the right spots that I didn¡¯t notice my broken ribs that much, nor the many other parts of my body that were probably pretty damaged. ¡°What are you gonna do if you can¡¯t get a Full Recovery from the Dungeon?¡± Panda asked, reading my thoughts. ¡°I¡¯ll improvise.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow. What the fuck! That¡¯s not even a catchphrase!¡± Panda sniffed the air strangely. ¡°You¡¯re smelling like you have 49.87320013% health points left.¡± ¡°How many health points do you have?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I have 6, although I¡¯m not exactly sure what 6 means in terms of health.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got no clue how many I have,¡± I told her, ¡°But the Attribute on my Status screen says ¡®Isn¡¯t It Great?¡¯, which I think means it¡¯s a decent amount?¡± ¡°You should probably put more points into Vitality,¡± Panda told Bee. ¡°I want more Intelligence!¡± ¡°Going for the Glass Cannon setup? I can respect that.¡± ¡°No,¡± Panda said, ¡°Stop respecting it and actually tell her to not be so reckless! She¡¯ll die from one hit of any Boss I¡¯m pretty sure!¡± I ignored him and looked at the threshold out of the holding cell hallway. Bee and I shared a glance, before we crossed it together. As we came out into the Police Headquarters¡¯ lobby, we both released a sigh of relief. Then I looked around and saw that several Police Fiends lay dead here, their bodies crushed, torn apart, severed, or full of holes and wounds. The lobby had a smooth floor that looked like marble, with a large metal counter that separated a small office area. There was a big hole in this counter and what looked like a trail of destruction through the office space, with desks thrown aside with their PCs, monitors, and chairs. More of the dead Fiends lay in that path, as well as a couple bigger versions that wore something like SWAT attire. ¡°There¡¯s no exit,¡± Bee said. She was looking at where the normal entrance to the station would¡¯ve been, but instead it was just a wall of glass with the tapestry of screaming faces beyond, which demarcated the boundary of the Dungeon. After looking around for a bit, we didn¡¯t find any other way to go but through the ruined office. As we walked past one of the bodies of the SWAT Fiends, I asked Bee to inspect it.
Level 18 ¡®SWAT Fiend¡¯ Enemy x
¡°Protesting is a crime punishable by lethal force!¡± The older cousins of the Police Fiend, these bad boys are both stronger and sturdier, with a riot shield fused to one arm and a baton-maul to the other. But don¡¯t be fooled by their tanky appearances, because they will still bash your head in if given the chance. The main difference between these guys and the Police Fiends is that these guys won¡¯t switch off their body-cams. No, they¡¯ll keep the footage of curb-stomping you and pass it around to their coworkers, while laughing about how you¡¯re pissing yourself as you convulse from head trauma. Speaking of head-trauma, these guys also have pretty messed-up lid-popped-off heads that they occasionally use offensively. So, watch out! Staring at what¡¯s spewing out from there is like looking at the sun, but instead of going blind you become insane! This Enemy is dead.
¡°They sound like the ones that came after Gambit, when he attacked the Mayor.¡± ¡°I outran them pretty easily,¡± I replied. ¡°Yeah, but when they caught up to you on the roof of the Asylum, they really let you have it.¡± I chuckled. ¡°I was pissing blood for a week.¡± Bee frowned. ¡°The police really beat you up?¡± ¡°Of course. Wasn¡¯t the first time either.¡± ¡°That¡¯s awful.¡± ¡°They had it out for me, I swear.¡± ¡°They had it out for you because you were committing petty crime and then tried to kill the Mayor!¡± ¡°That¡¯s just a convenient cover-up for the truth!¡± ¡°Gambit, let¡¯s not do this right now.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right! Why complain about it, when I can go face the Police Chief himself!¡± I ran through the ruined office, coming out into a new hallway with a few toilets and more dead Fiends that Samantha must¡¯ve killed. At the end of it lay another small office, which looked like a tornado had gone through it, and from its exit was a long hallway with no enemies, neither dead nor living, which led to what seemed to be a shooting range, based on the signs. As Bee ran to catch up, she asked breathlessly, ¡°Did you see the photographs and paintings in the office? They¡¯re really sick!¡± ¡°Sick good or sick bad?¡± I asked. ¡°A mix, though mostly bad. They were really grotesque.¡± We slowed down as we came to the end of the hall, where an unnatural darkness awaited us. I couldn¡¯t hear any sounds through it, but I had a gut feeling that Samantha was probably on the other side fighting the boss of the Police Headquarters. One of the people who had royally fucked up my life: Liam Johnson, the Chief of Castleburg¡¯s Police. Chapter -61 The sensation of walking through the dark barrier to the boss room was a bit like dipping my head underwater for a moment, as my hearing became muffled and a faint pressure was exuded across my skin. Coming out on the other side, the sight of an indoor shooting range greeted me. It was essentially just a large indoor hall shaped like a rectangular box. Where the partitioning wall separating shooters from their targets ought to have been, were now just low walls of piled office furniture, with several more further down the length of the hall. Many of these walls were full of holes from something that both froze and melted whatever it hit, and it was clear that the source was the boss down at the far end, which was currently trying to kill Samantha. She was stuck hopping from wall-to-wall, not quite able to close the open space to the boss it seemed. The everchanging weapon in her hands was currently a shield and I got the feeling that she didn¡¯t have much in terms of ranged attacks, which this fight seemed to encourage with its layout. ¡°Bee, give me an appraisal on the boss.¡± I had a bad feeling, given the setup of the fight. When I saw the screen she sent my way, I frowned, feeling snubbed.
Level 15 ¡®The Instructor¡¯ Boss x
¡°I¡¯ll whip you pitiful maggots into shape!¡± Once a former Army Drill Sergeant, this hard-assed man ended up as the Firearms Instructor at the Castleburg Police Department, where he terrified many young cops and instilled in them an unshakable self-doubt and feeling of impotence. In surveys of all the cops who quit the Department, this man was cited 68% of the time. He often enjoyed using his old M1 Garand for target practice, even though the shooting range wasn¡¯t the best place for it. Luckily for him, when he was transformed, his favored weapon was fused directly with his body. Be careful, because he¡¯s quite the shot with it! Like the rest of the police force, his mind, and head, has been opened to a greater cosmic truth and he wields this power more deftly than anyone else.
¡°This isn¡¯t the Police Chief,¡± I said, displeased. A loud plink echoed through the hall. ¡°Duck!¡± Panda yelled. I fell to the floor, dragging Bee with me, just as a swirling cannon-ball sized projectile flew through the space we¡¯d occupied a second prior. It continued down into the wall behind us, where it exploded outward in a bright blue-green light and left a circular hole in the wall, through which the screaming tapestry of the Dungeon Boundary could be seen. ¡°Focus!¡± the plushie scolded me. I pushed up off the floor, which was awkward with just half a right arm. ¡°Bee, do you think you can hit it from back here?¡± I asked her. ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± ¡°Good. For starters, make me one of those grenades you can create.¡± ¡°A Beetle Bomb, you mean?¡± ¡°Yea, one of them.¡± Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. She put her hands together and a ball started to form as flechettes came out the holes in her palms and fused together. ¡°How big do you need it?¡± ¡°Just the smallest you can do.¡± She finished and handed it to me. ¡°You have 5 seconds before it blows up.¡± ¡°Got it.¡± I scooted to the side a bit, looking straight down at the boss in the distance through a large hole in the furniture wall in front of us, then, with an exaggerated gesture, I pulled my left hand back and flung the ball at the boss with as much oomph as I could manage. A loud woosh came from the projectile as it shot down the length of the range. ¡°Whatta ripsnorter!¡± Brock cheered. The Instructor took the ball to the front of its body, where it blew up with a loud snap followed by the buzzing sounds of dozens of corkscrew flechettes shooting everywhere. It seemed to have done a decent amount of damage, with the boss¡¯ skin shredded where it¡¯d struck. At the sound, Samantha jumped violently in surprise. She turned around and spotted us. ¡°You scared the crap out of me! A warning next time!¡± ¡°Kind of thought you would¡¯ve beaten this guy by now. Why are you hiding?¡± ¡°Screw you! I¡¯m not the one who vanished!¡± ¡°As if we had a say in it!¡± I yelled back. Plink. Samantha, Bee, and I all scrambled for new cover as a projectile shot across the hall, melting and freezing the Reluctant Protagonist¡¯s former hiding spot. It was clear that we were running low on walls already, as Samantha had wasted too much time hiding. I noticed that half of her left hand was missing, with the rest charred and frostbitten. A part of her thigh was also gouged out and frozen over, plus some of her hair was singed, and her impeccable suit was ruined with several black spots all over it. Not all the damage was consistent with the Fiends¡¯ attacks, nor with the cannon-ball-shooting boss. ¡°Does the boss have other attacks than the rifle!?¡± I asked her. ¡°A big fuck-off sword if you get too close!¡± A plan came to my mind and I couldn¡¯t help but cackle a little. ¡°Sam, turn your weapon into something with range and give me some backup! You too, Bee.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t charge it! It¡¯s suicide! Also, don¡¯t call me Sam!¡± She turned back to look at me, then asked. ¡°Wait, why¡¯s your right arm like that?¡± ¡°Alright, go!¡± I yelled, running towards the boss. Bee immediately launched a Beetle Bolt at the Instructor, the buzzing projectile shooting past me. ¡°Unequip All!¡± SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! YOU KNOW HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MISTRESS. GOOD BOY. I hopped over a wall, going high enough to graze the ceiling with my hair. From my high vantage I could fully appreciate what the Instructor had turned into. At the far end of the shooting range was a mound of grey flesh and skin, the human equivalent of a candle that¡¯d burnt all the way down and formed a pile of melted wax. This mound had one very long left arm with two elbows and seven fingers, and a thick right arm with a huge brown-and-black barrel at the end that was more pirate ship cannon than Garand rifle. His torso and head were part of the mound and fused together, but the top of the head was open. The skin flapped around as a beacon of bright swirling blue-green energy shone out from inside where his brain should¡¯ve been. I landed next to Samantha, who looked at me with her mouth wide agape. The shield in her right hand had transformed into a bow. I wondered if it was confined to only medieval-fantasy shapes, since a bazooka like what she¡¯d used in the event would¡¯ve been better here. With a wink, I kicked off and shot across the floor, vaulting a wall, before tossing myself sideways, when the Instructor leveled the cannon in my direction. The weapon released a blast that tore a deep steaming gouge into the concrete floor. I reoriented myself and resumed charging for the mound of flesh, as an arrow whistled overhead, embedding itself in the side of the cannon arm, but seemingly doing no damage. A moment later came another Beetle Bolt, but it achieved similarly underwhelming results. It was hard to tell if it was because the boss had a weak spot we needed to hit or because it was highly-resistant to ranged attacks. Although, the bomb had done a decent amount of surface-level damage, so it was probably the latter. ¡°I think it¡¯s resistant to projectiles,¡± said Panda, who was clinging to my shoulder. I had no idea how long he¡¯d been there. ¡°By the way, I can¡¯t believe you winked at Samantha while looking like this.¡± ¡°I¡¯m focusing,¡± I growled at him. Hopping over another furniture wall, I came to the open area in front of the boss. Almost as soon as I entered the space, it moved its right cannon arm away and bent its double-jointed left arm to reach into its open head hole with its many-fingered hand, before pulling out an enormous sword that was white-blue with a glowing green edge. I¡¯d only just landed from my jump when it swung its sword down at me. ¡°Dodgeroll!¡± Panda yelled and I did, but not just because he told me to. The weapon passed through me, leaving a thick gouge in the floor, and I came up a few feet away from it and immediately swung my left fist at the wrist of the large hand. The impact resounded loudly and knocked the arm away, before I continued closing the distance to the flesh mound. ¡°Dodge!¡± Panda yelled again and I instinctively leapt into the air, as the blade came back with a sweeping slash. The top of my head hit against the ceiling, but as I fell back down I cocked my left arm back and prepared to strike. A small barely-perceptible needle struck the Instructor in the center of his flesh mound, before popping the skin open and creating a hole into his body. I aimed my fist there, and in the last moment before I struck, I yelled: ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± My last recursive punch had decimated the Siren, and while Brock wasn¡¯t fitted to my left hand, there was no way the Instructor would survive. Ripple-after-ripple rolled through the mound of flesh with every lightning-fast jab, and every third hit seriously ramping up the damage, but before I even got to the third Math.multiply(Punch) it was already over. And for once, my left arm had survived, though the thumb and index fingers were broken and my wrist and elbow joints were sprained. I felt as the Dungeon ejected us for clearing it, but instead of excitement or joy, I just felt annoyed. I¡¯d find the Police Chief, no matter where he was hiding. This was a promise I made to myself. Chapter -62 ¡°Will you stop sulking already!¡± Panda said, as we were sitting on the curb outside of the Police Headquarters. I looked at the achievement that had popped up. Then I sighed. ¡°If the Chief isn¡¯t here, then where could he be?¡± ¡°Forget your dumb revenge plans!¡± ¡°Never.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Police Headquarters First Clear¡¯ Cleared the Police Headquarters for the first time.
As you may be realizing, we are no longer handing out Full Recovery rewards for clearing Dungeons once you surpass Level 10. However, once you use the Safe Zone Sphere that was ejected from the Dungeon alongside you, you can set up a place to buy Full Recovery yourself using the GAME Coins.
Rewards: ¡®Instructor¡¯s Soul Fragment¡¯ & 20x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
As soon as I clicked the X, a translucent blob of jelly landed in my lap and another achievement appeared:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Siren¡¯s Lair First Clear¡¯ Cleared the Sub-Dungeon Siren¡¯s Lair for the first time.
We somehow forgot to push ¡®send¡¯ on this achievement, when you beat the Siren¡¯s Lair in such a disgusting and unintended fashion. Yes, that¡¯s right. There¡¯s a team of people responsible for sending achievements to Players. We could automate it, but hiring people into simple menial jobs is how we¡¯ve accomplished an above 95% employment rate! And, of course, the lowly grunt who forgot to send the achievement has been punished, don¡¯t you worry!
Rewards: You already got them.
I shook my head. The more I learnt about the various departments of the insect people helping the Great Game, the more I thought it was the exact kind of dystopian society that earth had been steadily moving towards before the apocalypse happened. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, while looking at the blob.
¡®Instructor¡¯s Soul Fragment¡¯ x
A blob containing the twisted soul energy of the Instructor. In order to unlock its hidden power, you must squeeze the blob between your hands until it pops. I guess you can use your feet since you are missing an arm.
Weight: 1 Panda
Bee, as always, was way ahead of me, her hands already covered in goo from popping the blob. Samantha was sitting a few feet away, looking at a spherical ball full of shifting eyes in a murky-blue liquid. ¡°What are you planning on doing with the Sphere?¡± I asked her. ¡°I¡¯m gonna use it to turn Serenity Park Mall into a Safe Zone.¡± ¡°Why the Park Mall?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s big, indoors, and full of new dungeons. It¡¯ll be a great way for groups of Players to help each other level up, and, according to the info on this thing, you can place it around dungeon entrances to prevent monsters from popping out.¡± She¡¯d given this a lot of thought already it seemed. ¡°What are you gonna do with the Sphere you¡¯re getting?¡± I shrugged. ¡°No idea. I don¡¯t really fancy staying in the same spot forever.¡± ¡°You can use it on a vehicle to make a Safe Zone on wheels.¡± ¡°What!? Show me!¡± I got over and tried to take the Sphere from her hands. ¡°Fuck off, this one¡¯s mine! Get your own ball to play with!¡± ¡°You two are like little kids,¡± Panda said. I ignored him. ¡°You¡¯re helping me get the other one,¡± I told her. ¡°Yeah, yeah.¡± I frowned. She sounded like she definitely wasn¡¯t going to¡­ ¡°That Dungeon was hell on my Insanity Gauge,¡± Samantha then said. ¡°It¡¯s already up to 34%...¡± I didn¡¯t tell her that at least 5% of that was thanks to me and instead returned to where Bee sat, humming while looking at the options offered by her boss reward. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Leaving the blob of soul matter on the ground where I¡¯d dropped it, I squished it under the sole of my right foot. It popped like one of those stress balls that smelled like plastic and covered my foot in soul goop. THAT¡¯S HOT. I CAN¡¯T WAIT TO SEE YOU CRUSH A SKULL LIKE THAT. ¡°Gross, my Benefactor has a foot fetish,¡± I muttered, while trying to wipe my foot on the pavement, but the stuff wasn¡¯t coming off.
Choose your reward! x
This ability unlock was specifically designed for a faction of the GREAT GAME¡¯s audience who has a goop fetish. We would apologize for sexualizing you, except, we were paid so much for the inclusion of this item and similar objects that we literally don¡¯t care what you feel. We¡¯re rich, baby! The replays alone will make up for our budget deficits!
Pick one of the options: ¡®Soul Blade¡¯ | ¡®Garand Cannon¡¯ | ¡®Furniture Wall¡¯
¡°I think I can guess who makes up the majority of that faction,¡± Panda said. ¡°My Class reward looks weird,¡± I muttered, then clicked on the option to see what it was about.
¡®Soul Blade¡¯ x
Unique Ability Not gonna lie. This is a cool ability. It has very strong Antihero Protagonist vibes, and as such, no one else can receive this ability so long as you have it. However, if you are killed, they can take the ability directly from you. Draw a blade formed of your own soul, the shape of which is unique to you, and which disappears after a single attack. It deals damage equal to all your Attributes combined. If the blade takes damage, you also take damage. Cooldown: 5 minutes This ability appears on your Appraisal!
I blinked in surprise. ¡°Holy fuck,¡± I said and then immediately accepted the ability without looking at the other two options. ¡°Finally! A cool ability like I¡¯ve been wanting all this time!¡± I exclaimed.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®One of a Kind¡¯ Received a Unique Ability or Passive.
Ah, crap¡­ our RNG System gave you a Unique Ability¡­ We were really hoping this wouldn¡¯t happen. Thankfully, it should result in you dying a lot sooner, which is a plus. Cause, you know, people will really want their hands on this ability. We are also obligated to give you this:
Reward: ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯
A packet of the special gum appeared in my hand and I immediately threw it in my inventory. Since I had two of them now, it was probably time to use one. But first. I splayed the fingers of my left hand, even the broken ones, straightened my back, and then dramatically moved my hand around in a flourish, before touching the palm to the center of my bare torso. ¡°Behold!¡± I said excitedly. Bee looked away from her screens, and Samantha turned to look as well. ¡°Soul Blade!¡± I yelled and drew my unique weapon from the very energy of my soul. Light in a multitude of colors exploded outwards, coalescing in my hand into a curved shape. The way that it was shaped made me certain it was the exact kind of weapon I¡¯d always wanted to possess, but which dozens of arrests and import restrictions had prevented me from owning. The kind of weapon that all men who indulged in fiction grew to love. The true symbol of a fedora-wielding trench-coat-wearing Edgelord. The Ka¡ª ¡°Is that a banana?¡± Samantha asked. ¡°Huh, you¡¯re right, it is a banana,¡± commented Bee. The blood drained from my face. I looked down at the shape in my hand. It was a three-feet-long curved brown-spotted yellow banana. I gritted my teeth, almost on the verge of tears. ¡°It¡¯s not that bad, buddy,¡± Panda said, trying to comfort me, but I could tell he was holding back laughter. My hand on the curved handle stem of the banana tightened, and, as if a trigger was activated, the peel opened to reveal a curving yellow katana blade. ¡°Oh, thank the fathomless void!¡± I said in relief. ¡°It¡¯s not entirely lame!¡± ¡°It¡¯s honestly still pretty lame,¡± Samantha said. ¡°I like the aesthetics of it,¡± Bee remarked, though I had no idea what she meant. She got up and walked over to me, before poking the blade. ¡°It¡¯s real metal,¡± she commented in surprise. ¡°I expected it to feel like a normal banana.¡± ¡°Stop that,¡± I told her. ¡°It feels weird, like you¡¯re poking me in my existence.¡± She withdrew her hand. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°What skill did you get? A Unique one as well?¡± ¡°That¡¯s a Unique skill?¡± Samantha asked, suddenly a lot more interested than before. ¡°I got one called Furniture Fortification, it allows me to summon furniture from around me to build stuff. I thought about getting another offensive skill, but I¡¯m low on utility.¡± ¡°Good idea,¡± I told her. ¡°Although I¡¯m a bit sad to see you stray from the path of the Glass Cannon.¡± ¡°Panda¡¯s words stuck with me,¡± she said. ¡°Also¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, suddenly worried because of her tone. ¡°I hit level 10!¡± ¡°Nice!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t do your Class choice here,¡± Samantha warned. She was looking around and I noticed what she¡¯d seen as well: plenty of Players were coming out from around the buildings. I equipped my Carapace Suit with a few mental gestures, then said, ¡°We should go to this Safe Zone Samantha will set up before we go after the Mayor. Apparently I can heal up there.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll wait to evolve until then,¡± Bee decided. Samantha nodded, the pen that she¡¯d returned her weapon to was in her hand, as though she expected some of the Players to attack us. Her left hand was still half-gone, so she hadn¡¯t received a Full Recovery either, which was at least fair, I thought. However, the Players didn¡¯t seem overtly hostile. Instead they seemed excited that she¡¯d gotten the Safe Zone Sphere that was still in her hand. I wondered how they knew, but then I saw a notice that¡¯d been pushed aside by all the pop-ups and clung to the bottom-right of my vision. When I focused on it, it popped up with the message: WORLD FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT! Player ¡®Samantha¡¯ is the first person to obtain a Safe Zone Sphere in the GREAT GAME! For the next twenty-four hours, she is marked with a glowing beacon, so that anyone who wishes to join her Safe Zone can find her! She is currently located in front of the Downtown Police Headquarters in the city of Castleburg, Massachusetts, in the United States! On an unrelated note, killing other Players lets you take ownership of their rare items, such as the Safe Zone Sphere. You would not believe all the things it is capable of! ¡°We should probably get to the Mall quick, so you can set up the Safe Zone, before anyone tries to kill you for the Sphere,¡± I commented, looking up into the air to see the glowing pillar that stretched into the sky above her head. Samantha nodded, waving to a few of the Players coming closer. ¡°Do you have a movement ability?¡± I asked her. ¡°I¡¯ve got some running shoes from a Dungeon.¡± ¡°That¡¯ll do I guess.¡± Then I said, ¡°Skater Boy!¡± to bring out my longboard. I stuffed the banana katana back into my chest where it was reabsorbed. It was a strange but pleasant feeling, as though I was returning some missing part of myself to where it belonged. ¡°Beetle Blastoff!¡± Bee said and took to the sky. ¡°Sam, you lead the way.¡± ¡°Stop calling me that,¡± she said, then quickly swapped her ruined dark-blue suit for a new one, and replacing her heels with some hot pink Nike-looking sneakers. She knelt down into a starting stance, as though she was taking part in a 100 Meter Dash, then kicked off and shot down the street, running along the asphalt parallel to the large groove made by Chika Hitokui. ¡°She¡¯s fast!¡± Bee commented from above, before pushing herself through the air to follow. I looked around at the Players gathered in front of the Dungeon entrance with disdain. They were the type of bottom-feeders that couldn¡¯t even help themselves, only following behind those with any sort of power in the hopes of scraps being left behind for them. Of course, the people Bee and I had saved were amongst them. With a kick off the ground, I rolled after the pair, doing a few simple tricks to boost my speed, with the sentient board making cringy words of affirmation every time. I suddenly remembered something that Nina had said: ¡®The birdcage has a hole in the floor and the crows of death sing at midnight.¡¯ ¡°Panda, do you think ¡®Birdcage¡¯ could mean ¡®Safe Zone¡¯ in Nina-speak?¡± ¡°I was just thinking the same thing,¡± he replied. Chapter -63 I came to a stop in front of the main entrance to the Serenity Park that surrounded the front of the Mall. It was possible to enter the Mall without going through the park, but it would require us to navigate part of the main road that was utterly clogged by a massive pileup of trucks and cars. Bee landed next to me half a minute later, and then came Samantha, severely out of breath, as it seemed that her running shoes didn¡¯t reduce her stamina consumption, but only increased her actual speed. ¡°You both owe me ten Coins,¡± I said. ¡°Your skateboard isn¡¯t fair,¡± Samantha argued. ¡°I was the last one to leave and the first to arrive. Pay up.¡± ¡°I think she¡¯s a sore loser,¡± Panda remarked. Bee nodded. ¡°Don¡¯t be a sore loser.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± she said, clearly annoyed. Both of them handed me the coins. While my longboard was not as fast as theirs from the get-go, it kept gaining speed with every trick and allowed me to bend the laws of reality to the point that going uphill wasn¡¯t actually tough, as well as making me able to take some turns and avoiding obstacles in ways that clearly wouldn¡¯t have been possible with a normal skateboard, let alone a longboard. Samantha pulled her pen out from behind her ear and transformed it into a sword. ¡°Expecting trouble?¡± I asked her, then looked at the park before us. It was somehow well-maintained despite over a week of apocalypse happening around it. ¡°It looks too neat,¡± she said. ¡°And I heard stories about a Roaming Boss in this area.¡± I looked at my left hand and then at my missing right forearm. ¡°Deal with it after you set up the Safe Zone.¡± She considered her own ruined left hand for a moment, but then said, ¡°No. People will be coming through here. Also, the Safe Zone Sphere states that any Enemies and Bosses inside its area will remain, so it¡¯s better to deal with those first.¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t part of the deal,¡± I told her. ¡°Is it really so hard for you to help people?¡± ¡°What¡¯ve they ever done for me? And what¡¯s the point in helping those who¡¯ll just stab you in the back to get ahead?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t trust anyone, is that it? You got burned one too many times and now you¡¯re scared of other people?¡± I laughed. ¡°That¡¯s great coming from you. You were just as quick about running away from those Players near the Police Station, so don¡¯t make it seem like you¡¯re any different.¡± She shook her head. ¡°Fine. Let¡¯s go to the mall. I¡¯ll deal with whatever is in the park afterwards. Alone.¡± ¡°Perfect,¡± I replied. Panda and Bee had just been looking between us the whole time. ¡°Don¡¯t say a word,¡± I hissed to Panda, as we walked through the metal archway with the sign above that said ¡®Serenity Park¡¯. I was finding it suffocating to be near someone so self-righteous like Samantha. She had gotten number one in the Weaponlution Event, so clearly she had no scruples about killing people to get her way. And she had confessed to being one of those ¡®greater good¡¯ psychos that justified their heinous acts with shaky morals, but, then again, she had worked for the government so it wasn¡¯t really a surprise. She¡¯d clearly known that the Chief and Mayor were rotten, but she¡¯d done jack shit to change anything. It didn¡¯t matter to her that people like myself and others suffered, so long as the majority didn¡¯t? It was bullshit. And it was the kind of dangerous ideology that weak people would cling to. ¡°Perhaps we should leave Castleburg after killing the Mayor and hunting down the Police Chief,¡± I said to Bee and Panda. ¡°Do you want to visit Madeville?¡± ¡°Logan will probably want to kill us if we go there,¡± I replied. ¡°What about Boston?¡± Panda suggested. I groaned. ¡°When we have our own Sphere, we can make a Safe Zone out of a vehicle,¡± Bee said. ¡°And then we can go wherever we want,¡± I added. Samantha who was walking ahead of us down the gravel pathway past the ponds, artificial hills, and vibrant grass, stopped and looked back at us. ¡°What are you conspiring about?¡± she asked. ¡°None of your business,¡± I told her. She muttered something and continued down the path that led to the entrance of the Mall in the distance. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Serenity Park was maybe about half a mile wide and half-again across, forming more-or-less a rectangular box that sat in front of the three-story Mall that from the outside just looked like a bunch of huge bricks stacked together and slathered in white paint, but which was at least somewhat interesting to look at on the inside. The Park itself was also just the sort of void-of-inspiration public space, which the soulless Mall corporation had pulled out of their ass to label themselves as pro-nature, even though they¡¯d bulldozed actual bits of forest on more than one occasion to build their Malls across Massachusetts and beyond. And what¡¯s worse was that the malls they built tended to be abandoned by locals pretty soon after their construction, leaving behind dozens of stores with more employees than customers inside, and a massive ugly box in an area that¡¯d previously been nice to look at. It also didn¡¯t help that the homeless who took up temporary residence in the Mall or its adjoining Park were often ruthlessly beaten by the esteemed members of Castleburg¡¯s Police Department, at the behest of the Mall¡¯s owners. As I looked around, my eyes scanning the carefully-trimmed hilly lawns and pruned bushes and trees, I didn¡¯t see any signs of the homeless that would surely have lived here in the past, nor even those who¡¯d probably come here when the whole world went to shit. I clicked my tongue. Samantha was right that there was something going on in the Park. However, there was no incentive for me to seek it out or fight it, least of all in my current state, so I was glad when we made it to the exit of the Park and the entrance to the Mall. ¡°Have you been here before?¡± I asked Bee. She shook her head. ¡°No. It looks ugly.¡± ¡°It¡¯s better on the inside,¡± Samantha said. ¡°It even has an IKEA.¡± Samantha led the way as we went through the revolving door which turned on as we approached, revealing that the place had power¡­ WARNING! Now entering level 12 Dungeon Hub ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯! As we came out onto the smooth and reflective tiles past the door, I breathed a sigh of relief that we hadn¡¯t wound up in a new Dungeon, though it was immediately clear that there were several Dungeons in here, as the hall that stretched out in front of us and to the right-and-left had groups of monsters fighting each other. ¡°It¡¯s a Dungeon Hub?¡± Bee said out loud, confused. ¡°I think it means there are a lot of Dungeons here, when normally they wouldn¡¯t be clustered together so tightly.¡± ¡°That seems dangerous.¡± ¡°Unless you know how to exploit it,¡± I shot back. No doubt levelling here would be easy if groups of people worked together. It was obviously the reason Samantha had picked the place. ¡°I¡¯m going to get the Safe Zone Sphere up. Come with me!¡± Samantha called, before running for the set of escalators immediately in front of us. These were operating as well, which made sense, given that this area was a ¡®Hub¡¯. But, the implications were not great, as wherever there was electricity still running, there¡¯d be people trying to hoard that power for themselves¡­ Though, saying that, the average level of the Dungeon Hub was going to filter out most people at the moment. In the near future, when the average Player level in the city was higher, it would definitely lead to infighting. Bee and I followed after her. ¡°Where are you going?¡± I yelled. ¡°To the third floor!¡± ¡°Why there?¡± ¡°You¡¯ll see!¡± I took three steps at a time as I followed behind her, and when we came to the second floor, there was a skeletal knight trying to beat up a dog-sized Guinea pig about fifteen yards down to the left. Nearby was a costume store and a pet store that they seemed to have spawned from. Around us was the aftermath of dozens of similar fights, though there ominously weren¡¯t any dead bodies, as if something was stealing those away. ¡°That¡¯s weird,¡± Bee commented, stopping to look at the elevator shaft. ¡°What?¡± I asked, keeping an eye on Samantha so I wouldn¡¯t lose sight of her. ¡°The elevator itself seems to be gone. It¡¯s just a vertical tunnel. You don¡¯t think it¡¯s like the Taxi and the Metro, do you?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think the System considers elevators to be public transport, but if it did, then the escalators would¡¯ve turned into snakes or something, don¡¯t you think?¡± Samantha had already gotten to the third floor and was running to the right before I lost sight of her. ¡°I think I have a clue about why the elevator is gone,¡± I said, ¡°I¡¯ll tell you later though, come on!¡± ¡°Right behind you!¡± she yelled, just as the Guinea pig chomped down on the skeletal knight¡¯s head with its enormous teeth, crushing it. ¡°Seems like a free-for-all in here between the monsters,¡± I remarked as we bounded up to the top floor. ¡°It¡¯s like survival of the fittest,¡± Bee said. ¡°Everyone is trying to establish a hierarchy or something.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like the sound of that. It would imply there¡¯ll be a King.¡± ¡°Or a Queen.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s settle on ¡®Ruler¡¯,¡± Panda said, mediating before we could get into an argument about semantics. ¡°If they keep fighting each other though,¡± I said, getting to the escalator landing and spinning on my heel to go right, ¡°Then they¡¯ll grow really strong, won¡¯t they?¡± ¡°I scanned that Guinea pig from earlier,¡± Bee said. ¡°It was level 8. There was also a weird half-Betta-Fish-half-human mermaid that was level 13.¡± ¡°We can deal with those,¡± I said, slowing down a little so she could keep up with me on foot. As we ran down the hallway, we passed many shuttered stores, several pillaged ones, and a few that were unnervingly-pristine. The last ones were clearly Dungeons, though whatever they spawned was nowhere in sight, which worried me, as amongst them was a toy store. For whatever reason, things associated with children were incredibly powerful by design, such as the enemies I¡¯d encountered in Bungo¡¯s Playroom. We eventually found Samantha waiting outside the bathrooms near a burger restaurant that was utterly decimated from some kind of explosion in its kitchen. ¡°The bathrooms? That¡¯s where you were heading?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Look, I know it¡¯s improper, but it¡¯s the apocalypse, you can go wherever you like,¡± I told her. ¡°Stop talking, dumbass, I¡¯m not here because I need to pee! The Safe Zone Sphere has to be put in a secure area when it¡¯s triggered.¡± ¡°And you picked the bathrooms why?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a defensible position,¡± she argued back. ¡°I don¡¯t think¡­ actually, hmm, no that¡¯s a good idea.¡± ¡°Will we have to defend the Sphere??¡± Bee asked, sounding excited. ¡°Yes. It will lure all nearby enemies within its area to its source.¡± ¡°I get to use my Furniture skill!¡± she exclaimed and immediately got to work pulling ¡®furniture¡¯ out of the nearby ruined stores. This, inexplicably, included the product shelves from a hardware store and the burger restaurant¡¯s grills and ovens, as well as the bolted-down sofa-benches and chairs. I looked at my arms and sighed, then shifted Brock to my left fist. ¡°Let¡¯s punch a lot of monsters, huh Brock?¡± ¡°Fak yes!! I love tower defense!!¡± ¡°You ready?¡± Samantha asked. I looked to Bee who was hastily erecting walls and creating a lot of obstacles for monsters to have to go through, while also making a sort of funnel that¡¯d lead them in a single file directly to the bathroom doors. ¡°I guess so,¡± I told her. She hurried into the women¡¯s bathroom, while I remained put, watching Bee get to work with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. Chapter -64 ¡°You really like building stuff, huh?¡± ¡°I had a bit of a LEGO phase when I was younger,¡± she said, suddenly embarrassed at what she¡¯d made. The bathroom was on a corner, but Bee had erected walls down the left-and-right hallways such that they formed a gauntlet that was impossible to navigate in a straight line, while also giving us small platforms from which we could look out above the walls and shoot the incoming monsters before they got close. ¡°You did a good job,¡± I commended her. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about breaking the walls down,¡± she told me. ¡°I¡¯ll just rebuild them if you do.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t your skill cost Mana?¡± I wondered. She shook her head. ¡°Weird right?¡± ¡°It must have some kind of cost though?¡± ¡°Just furniture.¡± I thought about that. It seemed unbalanced somehow. ¡°Can you use it offensively?¡± ¡°No. And once something I¡¯ve built with furniture breaks, then I can¡¯t use it again.¡± ¡°An environmental cost then,¡± I concluded. ¡°You¡¯re the only one with utterly broken skills,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Like your Punch Harder.¡± ¡°It has a cost,¡± I said. ¡°The cost doesn¡¯t match the effect.¡± I raised my right stub. ¡°I beg to differ.¡± ¡°You lost part of your arm, not permanently, in exchange for killing a boss more than twice your level. That¡¯s unbalanced as hell.¡± I was about to fire back with a counterargument when a message suddenly went out, along with a blue pulse that flowed across the walls, floor, and ceiling, almost like some kind of scan. WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Samantha¡¯ has activated a Safe Zone Sphere inside the Serenity Park Mall! For the next two hours, Enemies and Bosses in the area will be drawn to the location. If they make it to the Sphere, they will destroy it and prevent the creation of the Safe Zone. Players in the area must decide if they wish to aid or prevent ¡®Samantha¡¯ in her goal of carving out a sanctuary. Rewards for participating in the successful establishment of the Safe Zone: 100x GAME Coins & +1 Level Rewards for participating in the destruction of the Safe Zone Sphere: 300x GAME Coins & +3 Levels Time remaining: 1 hour 59 minutes 59 seconds The blue pulse came again, followed by Samantha flying out through the bathroom door, covered in blood and with a large meat mallet in her hand. It was dripping red chunky droplets onto the floor. ¡°What happened in there??¡± I asked. She paused, looked around at the gauntlet Bee had constructed, then used her hands to wipe her face, although it didn¡¯t help much. ¡°There was a monster in there. It jumped out of the stall as soon as I activated the Sphere.¡± ¡°Looks like it exploded all over her when it died,¡± Panda remarked. The floor began to tremble and the roar of monsters echoed down the halls that led towards us. ¡°So, once again, the System lied to me.¡± ¡°Why? What happened?¡± Bee asked her. ¡°It said that the duration of the ¡®defend the Sphere¡¯ event was based on the area that I attempted to turn into a Safe Zone. I know the goddamn size of this mall and what it selected doesn¡¯t match that at all.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s a conversion error,¡± Panda speculated. ¡°Like if it¡¯s based on meters but has to convert from feet or something.¡± ¡°It turns out that it considers cubic feet, instead of square feet...¡± I nodded. ¡°That seems like something they¡¯d do.¡± Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°And because of that, it went from being thirty minutes max, to two hours¡­¡± ¡°Did you know about other Players being able to interfere with it?¡± Bee asked. She shook her head. ¡°It didn¡¯t say anything about that.¡± ¡°Gambit and I can kill them,¡± Bee said confidently. I considered the fact that my two Plugins currently optimized me for killing Players, although it would probably lead to more monsters than anything, particularly Boss-type insanity monsters¡­ Maybe it was best if I just went for killshots if any Players tried to stop us. ¡°Do you think anyone will actually interfere with the creation of the Safe Zone?¡± Samantha asked. ¡°Definitely,¡± I answered. ¡°The rewards are too good.¡± ¡°But what¡¯s the point of getting Game Coins if you can¡¯t use them anywhere?¡± ¡°Maybe someone else wants to lay claim to the Mall,¡± I replied. ¡°Plus, you¡¯ll probably get some kind of bonus for being the one who creates the Safe Zone, and maybe you get to control everything about it.¡± Samantha sighed. ¡°You¡¯re right, that is tempting. Three levels is also a lot. There shouldn¡¯t be any Players nearby though,¡± she said. ¡°From what I was told, most everyone abandoned the area after realizing it was full of monsters much higher level than them.¡± I frowned. ¡°I just realized, Annabella and Hawaiian Shirt Guy will probably come here¡­¡± ¡°Annabella? The woman with a crossbow and long dark hair? You know her?¡± ¡°Is her last name Exposici¨®n?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s Encarnaci¨®n.¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably the same woman,¡± Panda said. ¡°You must¡¯ve just misheard her name.¡± ¡°Monsters are coming!¡± Bee suddenly yelled. The meat mallet in Samantha¡¯s hand transformed into a crossbow and she climbed up on one of the little stands Bee had made. As she looked out over the incoming monsters in the distance, she lifted her crossbow and fired off a bolt. Then her weapon forcefully transformed into a crank-operated crossbow. She fired again and it transformed into a handheld crossbow. Every time she fired, her weapon changed shape, though it seemed she could control it somehow, but, given the limit of one kill per transformation, it was clear she would quickly run out of variants of ranged weapons that fit into the apparent pre-modern theme of her transformations. As if to point this out, her crossbow became a recurve bow, which then became a longbow, and so on. I got up onto a platform as well and looked out over the incoming monsters. They were having trouble navigating the corridors made by Bee¡¯s furniture walls, and some of the smaller and more agile creatures were scaling them instead. They were like little hairy wingless imps that had a gaunt sunken-cheeked appearance, with light-blue fur and yellow eyes. ¡°The Imps are level 6,¡± Bee said, scanning the monsters, then firing off a Bolt that embedded itself in the forehead of one, sending it backwards off the wall. ¡°More coming down the left hallway,¡± Panda commented, and I hopped down from my platform and went over to one that looked out over that side instead. On the right side were the imps, plus the skeletons we¡¯d seen earlier, and weird noodle-like spaghetti men, all of which were covered with various toppings, like meatballs or seafood, as well as accompanying sauces. ¡°The Skeletons are between level 8 and 10, and the Spaghetti Men are all level 12!¡± On my side were three of the enormous Guinea pigs, as well as some half-fish half-human creatures that were probably the things Bee had called mermaids earlier. In the absence of ranged attacks or weapons, I pulled off tiny bits of the furniture walls and finger-flicked them with the index of my left hand, which hurt, given that both my thumb and index were broken. Fortunately, Brock was covering the hand and providing structural support, but Panda was grimacing every time I did it. Each finger-flicked bit of trash turned into a dangerous projectile that, although they were hard to aim, instantly killed anything they hit, creating impact and exit wounds reminiscent of a rifle. Brock made a happy sound every time I landed a hit and each resulted in the strange purple color spreading onto the monsters. I couldn¡¯t tell if it did anything as they died with the same impact that caused it. When the last of the monsters on my side lay dead and about thirty holes perforated the walls, I looked to the right side, where monsters were still coming and the midway point of Bee¡¯s gauntlet was already clogged with dead. I hopped down from the platform and went over to help them, but was stopped halfway there by Brock. ¡°I am level 2!! Touch me in your special way!!¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s a good thing that Samantha can¡¯t hear us,¡± Panda remarked dryly. I opened the inspection menu for Brock and clicked the button to level him up, getting a pop-up as a result:
Brock ¡ª Level 2 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Inflation All impact damage is turned into internal inflation within whatever is hit. Air Blast Punching the air creates a powerful blast of condensed air that has a max range of 12 yards. Pitcher All objects thrown or otherwise sent flying with Brock gain 2x speed and are more accurate.
Since it seemed the most fitting for the current situation, I picked ¡®Pitcher¡¯ without much forethought. After selecting it, the inspect screen popped back up.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and impacts twice. Doubled throwing speed and more accurate throws. While this weapon is equipped, Purple2 is enabled. Level: 2 Kills remaining until next Evolution: 22
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
The balloon gauntlet on my hand morphed along with the change, the fingers becoming slightly longer and the palm slimming down on the sides, matching the actual shape of my real hand more. ¡°I hope that felt as good for you as it did for me,¡± Brock muttered in a satisfied voice. ¡°Please stop.¡± ¡°Why is your balloon thing squeaking so much?¡± Samantha asked, turning away from the incoming monsters to look at me. ¡°Fak yuu, ya cow!!¡± ¡°It just does that sometimes,¡± I replied, not bothering to actually explain that he could talk. Somehow, it seemed more annoying to only be hearing the squeaking of balloons, rather than his voice. I got up onto the platform to look down across the walls, just in time to see something break through the crowd of monsters to try and get through the narrow corridors formed by the furniture. Bee looked excited. ¡°It¡¯s a m¡ª!¡± ¡°Merman¡­?¡± Samantha interrupted her, holding a Looking Glass to her right eye. ¡°Is that half a shark fused with the bottom half of a person?¡± I asked out loud. Chapter -65 It was indeed a half-shark-half-human monstrosity. The top half was a whitish-grey shark head that was similar in girth to the front of a truck. It had beady black eyes, with skin covered in scars and battle-damage. The bottom half that the enormous head was supported on was just a human abdomen connected to a waist that sprouted two spindly and hairy legs wearing flipflops. It looked ridiculous. But, to call it a Merman felt very incorrect, although that¡¯s what Bee insisted that the System was calling it. ¡°Look!¡± she said, sharing the appraisal with me, while the giant was smashing its upper body into the ranks of enemies, crushing them and toppling the walls Bee had built.
Level 14 ¡®Shark Merman¡¯ Mini Boss x
¡°*Shark noises*¡± This is just one of those unfortunate accidents that happens when the System gets to design stuff without oversight. Apparently the Aquarium Shop in the Serenity Park Mall had a juvenile Chinese High-Fin Banded Shark and though it can hardly be compared with big scary sharks, the System seems to think it¡¯s close enough. Yes, it has taken some artistic liberties. No, we don¡¯t understand why it looks like that. Also, in case you were wondering, the bottom half of this monstrosity is an Aquarium Shop employee named Miles.
¡°Isn¡¯t it absurd!?¡± Bee complained. ¡°The shark-half is clearly a Great White, not even close to a Chinese High-Fin!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go kill it,¡± I told her. I crawled onto the wall in front of us and began striding along the top of the gauntlet towards the boss. The furniture walls were sturdy but still wobbled under me with every step, as though reality was trying to reassert itself and point out that, no, a couple of bench cushions weren¡¯t sturdy enough to hold up the weight of a grill and an air-conditioning unit. Before I¡¯d even made it halfway there, a ringing sounded in my inner ear, followed by a pop-up in front of my eyes.
Benefactor Quest
This is a Quest given to you by your Benefactor. Failure to complete the Quest will result in a penalty of the Benefactor¡¯s choosing. This is your Quest: Be a Good Boy and turn that Merman into a paste with your fist, while showering in its blood. Miranda
Rewards: 25x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ & ¡®Small Benefactor Gift¡¯
¡°This shit again¡­¡± I groaned, although the promise of a Benefactor Gift did make me somewhat excited. ¡°Unequip All.¡± SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! THE LOINCLOTH TRULY SUITS YOU. PERHAPS I SHALL MAKE A DEMON OF YOU. I shuddered at her voice, which sounded as though whispered over my shoulder and directly into my right ear. It was almost like I could feel a warm breath tickling my skin, but that was probably just imaginary. ¡°No thanks,¡± I muttered, ¡°I¡¯d like to stay human.¡± ¡°Why did you just take off your armor?¡± Samantha asked, before quickly adding, ¡°And what the fuck are you wearing??¡± ¡°It¡¯s for my Benefactor¡¯s sake,¡± I replied, then hurried across the top of the walls to where my quarry was busy smashing its way towards the bathrooms and the Sphere that hid within. With a leap off the top of the walls, I fell down upon the seven-foot-tall monster, driving my left fist into the nose of its enormous head. The impact sent a double ripple down through the Mini Boss, slamming its human legs onto their knees, while I landed atop the pile of dead creatures and furniture rubble it¡¯d been plowing its way through. I shot forward with an uppercut into the bottom of the large shark head, the impact of which literally lifted it off the ground and sent it falling onto its back, where it crushed two imps that¡¯d been trying to use the distraction to get on top of the walls. As the two imps popped like flesh balloons, some of their vile black blood got onto my skin. Suddenly, I felt like I¡¯d taken a hit of some kind of potent upper. My mind was flung back to the time when I¡¯d been so deep in my psychosis that I¡¯d been running away naked from the Castleburg Police after stabbing the Mayor with a screwdriver, his blood on my body. Although I couldn¡¯t recall more than a few glimpses, I remembered that feeling. It was like lightning flowed through the veins of my body. That same feeling was hitting me now, and all because some blood had touched my bare skin. ¡°Woah, what the fuck was that?¡± I wondered. ¡°It¡¯s your Loincloth,¡± Panda said. ¡°It¡¯s literally making you high off of showering in blood.¡± ¡°It¡¯s kind of nice. I feel like I could take on that creepy bus, or even the metro!¡± ¡°How about you focus on the thing in front of you first?¡± I pounced on top of the Shark Merman, which was struggling to get up, given the fact that it had no arms. As I landed on the human half, I began slamming my left hand down onto its shark head again-and-again. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Each impact hit twice and smacked it back down into the tiled mall floor, which was starting to crack. I kept hammering my fist down over-and-over, until blood started to spray out. As it hit me, the Battle Hardened status re-upped and felt like a reward, which only made me go even faster, until naught but grisly and flappy bits of flesh remained in the crater I¡¯d created from dozens of repeated strikes. I got up with a stumbling step, smoothing my hair back with a blood-slick balloon-gloved hand, then began cackling. ¡°¡­Ah, fuck,¡± Panda swore. More monsters were still coming. I picked up bits of fragmented bone into my left palm, before shooting towards them with the increased speed of my BIRTHDAY_SUIT. With my elbow, I caved in the cranium of a skeleton, then flung one of the fragments at some closely-stacked imps, the improvised projectile tearing through them with such devastation that they literally came apart. But the ranged attacks were unsatisfying. I needed to be close enough that I could bathe in the devastation I caused, so I let the remaining fragments fall from my hand, then surged towards the nearest monster, a skeleton wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon dog on it, which I pulverized with a punch. Its bonedust showered me, but it wasn¡¯t the same as real blood, so I ignored the other nearby skeletons and instead went for the imps. They were coming out of a phone repair booth that apparently served as a Mini Dungeon. I kept smashing them to bits and spraying their black blood onto my skin, fueling my thirst for more, while making my way to their Spawner. However, as I came to the booth, it seemed to have run dry. In frustration, I tore down the structure, then looked around for other monsters to hunt. The Aquarium monsters had also seemingly run dry, but new creatures were coming up the escalators. They were knitted humanoids, which had the appearance of sweaters that¡¯d grown legs and heads. It didn¡¯t matter what they were though, I flung myself at them before they could fully emerge out the top of the escalator landing. Sometime later, I came to as a chime rang in my ears. I shot upright, peeling myself off of the tiles on the mall¡¯s bottom floor, near to a hamburger restaurant that¡¯d been trashed. Around me lay monsters of all manner of variations: vaguely-humanoid hamburger creatures the size of the average Disney Adult; oversized pests, like cockroaches, grasshoppers, and rats; human-fish hybrids; bear-sized teddy bears with fleshy innards; and even three of the Ambusher Mantids of the Anti-Rebellion Force. All of them had turned purple and were torn open and crushed, with my entire body sticky from their semi-dried blood covering every inch of skin. The wisps of the creatures¡¯ Leftovers were all over the place, and there was a large coin hovering over my legs. A screen occupied half of my vision.
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor. The following message was included with your Gift: What a performance. My investment in you has truly paid off. Be a Good Boy and put this on. Miranda
Gift: ¡®Fur Collar¡¯
A pink fur collar landed in my lap. I could already see where this was going. ¡°Fuck. No.¡± Even though I had absolutely no intentions of putting it on, I inspected it.
¡®Fur Collar¡¯ x
Made from the pink fur of a man-eating bat that lives in the domain of Duchess Miranda of Throbbing Excitement. It has been infused with her powers. This collar is imbued with the following effects: This item does not count as a piece of armor and cannot be unequipped unless Miranda allows it. You are now the property of Miranda and must refer to her as ¡®Mistress¡¯. You transform into a Minor Lust Demon, increasing your Dexterity and Vitality by 25%, but take 100% extra damage from silver and gold weapons, as well as holy- and light-based attacks. This is a Benefactor Gift and cannot be sold or discarded.
Weight: 0.2 Pandas
¡°Ugh.¡± I threw it in my inventory. It didn¡¯t seem like a ¡®minor¡¯ Gift, which probably meant that Miranda had changed her mind. ¡°Brock has leveled 3 times!!¡± ¡°Damn, three times? How many enemies did I kill?¡± Panda, who was spotless and opted to not sit on my shoulder for once, piped up from where he stood nearby, ¡°You should head back to Bee. You can count the corpses on the way there.¡± ¡°It was scary,¡± Brock said. ¡°I like blood n'' all, but not like that. It felt wrong.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t even remember what happened,¡± I said. ¡°Well, there¡¯s still about twenty minutes left before the Sphere Event is done.¡± I blinked. I¡¯d lost over an hour-and-a-half to the euphoria of bloodlust. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll stick to ranged attacks for a bit,¡± I said. ¡°Or just put your Carapace Suit on,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Good call.¡± I immediately equipped it through my inventory, then regretted it as soon as it manifested on my body. The soft and squishy interior was adhering to the sticky blood on my skin and bonding together in the most uncomfortable way imaginable. As I began walking towards the escalators that¡¯d been repainted red thanks to my rampage, I felt the inside of my Suit pull on my skin as though I was covered in one big band-aid and it was constantly being yanked at. On my way there, I collected all the Leftovers from my kills, but found only Game Coins. I rode the escalator to the top and paused as I saw the piles of corpses. ¡°Holy shit.¡± ¡°You really went overboard,¡± Panda said. While I rode the next one up to the third floor, I pulled open Brock¡¯s inspection and began selecting the level-up options.
Brock ¡ª Level 3 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Air Blast Punching the air creates a powerful blast of condensed wind that has a max range of 12 yards. Pitcher+ All objects thrown or otherwise sent flying with Brock gain 4x speed and are very accurate. Static Moving around while Brock is equipped builds up static that is released as electricity damage on the next punch.
I was still kind of in a haze, but my decision-making was fortunately unclouded by self-doubt. ¡®Static¡¯ sounded great for my one-punch-kill style, but I picked ¡®Air Blast¡¯ since it had a lot more utility and would fall off the list of options if I didn¡¯t pick it now. The next set of choices followed immediately behind it.
Brock ¡ª Level 4 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Air Blast+ Punching the air creates a devastating blast of condensed wind that has a max range of 18 yards. Static Moving around while Brock is equipped builds up static that is released as electricity damage on the next punch. Sonic Attack Impacts produce a loud plastic shriek that inflicts temporary discombobulation on all creatures in a 20 yard radius.
This time I picked ¡®Static¡¯, as overcommitting to ¡®Air Blast¡¯ seemed a waste and ¡®Sonic Attack¡¯ was likely to hurt Bee, and didn¡¯t outright state that it wouldn¡¯t also affect me. For the Level 5 options, it seemed it was mirroring the Weaponlution Event, as the choices had a greater impact on the weapon:
Brock ¡ª Level 5 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Cursed Brock now inflicts the Cursed status effect on impact, reducing the target¡¯s Attributes by 15%. Pump It! A valve appears in the side of Brock that can be used to inflate the gauntlet using your own breath, increasing damage up to 400% for the next attack. Ghastly Turns all of Brock¡¯s damage into Soul damage, which bypasses all physical barriers.
I immediately ruled out ¡®Cursed¡¯, since almost everything I hit died too quickly for it to be useful. I considered ¡®Ghastly¡¯ for a while, since it might be useful for enemies with lots of armour that might blunt the impact damage of my punches, but I settled on ¡®Pump It!¡¯ because it would allow me to prepare for one ultimate strike that, if coupled with Punch.harder( ), could probably kill anything I¡¯d ever encounter. Brock changed shape and became more like a real gauntlet and less like a joke item, as he slimmed down and began to look more like a hand than one of Mickey Mouse¡¯s gloves. A small metal valve appeared by the wrist, just below the thumb. He was wriggling excitedly on my hand, muttering about how good he felt. ¡°Holy crap, Gambit,¡± Panda muttered as he realized what I was now capable of, in terms of damage. I grinned. ¡°Killing the Mayor will be embarrassingly easy,¡± I predicted. Chapter -66 When I returned to the gauntlet of furniture walls that Bee had set up, I found her and Samantha small-talking while they scanned the two hallways that led to the bathroom on the corner of the third floor. Apparently, I¡¯d killed almost all the enemies that¡¯d been attracted to the Sphere, leaving just the ones without blood for them, like the skeletons and some odd cog-wheel creatures, which might¡¯ve come from the watchmaker on the second floor. The bodies of these lay next to the large corpse of the Shark Merman. ¡°You¡¯re back!¡± Bee exclaimed in relief. ¡°And no longer wearing your weird fetish shorts.¡± ¡°Does either of you know if the Safe Zone has a shower facility in it?¡± I asked. ¡°Hopefully,¡± answered Samantha, ¡°I haven¡¯t showered in over a week and I¡¯m not dumb enough to try my luck with any of the ponds in the various parks.¡± ¡°Is that gel in your hair?¡± Bee asked upon seeing my stiff slicked-back hairstyle. ¡°It¡¯s blood,¡± Panda answered. ¡°And other stuff,¡± I added. ¡°Your balloon glove looks different,¡± Samantha noted. ¡°It leveled up.¡± ¡°Leveled up?¡± she asked. ¡°It can do that?¡± ¡°Yours can¡¯t?¡± ¡°¡­No.¡± ¡°That¡¯s ¡®cause Brock¡¯s one of a kind!!¡± ¡°How¡¯s the Sphere?¡± I asked, changing the subject away from my unusual weapon. ¡°Come, I¡¯ll show you,¡± Samantha said. ¡°I¡¯ll stay behind and keep watch!¡± Bee announced. Panda, who¡¯d gotten back on my shoulder after I put the Carapace Suit on, dismounted and made his way over to the Beetle Girl to keep her company. Samantha led me through the furniture corridors to the bathrooms. The walls outside were white and plain, and a round sign with a stylized person in a skirt was attached to the door. She walked through and held it open for me. When I entered the women¡¯s bathroom, a potent blue light assailed me, as though a powerful lamp was hidden in one of the open stalls. Which it was¡­ ¡°Why did you put it on top of the toilet?¡± I asked her. Before she could answer, I noticed a guy on the floor whose head was half-crushed by a powerful blow. ¡°Did you kill that guy?¡± ¡°He jumped out of the stall as soon as I came in here! What was I supposed to do??¡± ¡°Probably thought you were a monster¡­¡± ¡°It was pure reflex!¡± she argued. I pulled out my looking glass and took in the dead guy. There was very little info about him, other than the fact that his name was John Clyde and that he was a level 1 Rogue. ¡°Guy was probably scared and had been hiding in here for a while,¡± I guessed, noticing the stash of foodstuff that took up space in one of the other stalls. ¡°With free access to water, this isn¡¯t a bad place to hide out, and the monsters roaming the mall do keep scavengers at bay.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, okay! Is that what you want to hear!?¡± I ignored her and walked over to the glowing Safe Zone Sphere that hovered above the bowl of a pristine porcelain toilet. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said and a new type of menu appeared:
SAFE ZONE SPHERE This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
An object capable of transforming almost any place into a Safe Zone. The duration of the Creation Event is based on the area chosen to be transformed. During the Event, Enemies and Bosses within and near the area will be attracted to the Sphere, seeking to destroy it. Status: ACTIVE Type: CAMP Selected Area: ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯ Time Remaining: 18 minutes 51 seconds Owner: ¡®Samantha¡¯ You are not the Owner of this Safe Zone Sphere. The following options are available to you: Destroy ¨C 15 second timer Claim ¨C 30 second timer
¡°I have the option of Destroying or Claiming the Sphere,¡± I remarked. ¡°Good to know,¡± she replied. ¡°I thought it might have a capture feature or something like that.¡± ¡°Something¡¯s coming!¡± Bee suddenly shouted, her voice muffled by the walls of the bathroom. It was almost like they¡¯d soundproofed it, which explained why we hadn¡¯t noticed Samantha being surprised by the guy and subsequently killing him. Samantha and I ran out through the door and up onto the viewing platforms next to Bee. There was nothing immediately visible, but a repeated tremor rolled across the floor, clearly the footfalls of some giant creature. As we prepared for the ¡®last boss¡¯ of this defense mission, the sounds of scrambling shoes on slippery tiles came from the floor below, accompanied by yelling that was immediately deafened by a tremendously-loud warbling roar. ¡°Players are coming this way,¡± Samantha remarked. Sure enough, a group of about eight people hurried up the escalator that I¡¯d littered with bodies, coming out onto the third floor with deer-in-the-headlights looks about them. They quickly noticed our fortification and ran towards us, yelling for help. ¡°Bleh¡­¡± I spat. ¡°What?¡± Samantha asked, looking away from the incoming Players and gauging my expression. ¡°We know them,¡± Bee answered. ¡°Last time we saw them, they were trying to kill us, so we killed a lot of them in return.¡± It was Hawaiian Shirt Guy and seven hangers-on. Annabella last-name-definitely-starts-with-an-E wasn¡¯t anywhere to be seen however. ¡°Apart from Steve, the rest of them are no higher than level 3,¡± Bee said. ¡°Steve is level 9.¡± ¡°You have to run!¡± Hawaiian Shirt Guy yelled. He and his group quickly climbed up over the mess of bodies and onto the precarious furniture walls. ¡°Happy Birthday,¡± said Samantha, as the guy made it to us, then wrinkled her face in confusion. His friends were slower than him, and it seemed clear that he¡¯d put most of his points into Dexterity, so he could run faster¡­ He sighed. ¡°You¡¯ve really got to run,¡± he told her. ¡°This big monster came out of the ponds in the park and¡­ and¡­¡± Steve finally noticed Bee and I next to Samantha. He made a small ¡°Eep!¡±, before slowly climbing backwards and away from us. ¡°Stay. They won¡¯t hurt you,¡± Samantha said. ¡°Also, we can¡¯t leave, we¡¯re almost done creating a Safe Zone here.¡± He blinked several times, his terrified and wide eyes scanning the three of us. ¡°Where¡¯s Annabella,¡± I asked. ¡°The Swan ate her!¡± yelled one of the horrified women in Steve¡¯s retinue. ¡°Why did you attack the monster in the park?¡± I asked. ¡°We didn¡¯t¡ª¡± Steve began to say, but then another woman cut him off. ¡°He and Anna said it would be a good way for us to level!¡± Another one joined in, ¡°They said the two of them could handle it!¡± ¡°Before she died, Annabel said it was level 25!¡± exclaimed a third. I glanced at the people Steve had brought with him, then frowned. ¡°He¡¯s only surrounded himself with women way below his level,¡± Panda remarked before I could put it into words myself. ¡°Get in here, quick,¡± Samantha told the seven women. ¡°Don¡¯t!¡± yelled Steve. ¡°That man is a monster!¡± ¡°Fuck you, Steve!¡± I yelled back at him, trying, and failing, to flip him off with my right hand. He seemed about to turn around and take his chance somewhere else, but then a devastating shudder rocked the entire floor under us. ¡°Woah, what was¡ª¡± was the only thing Samantha managed to blurt out before the floor thirty-five yards down the hallway exploded up into the ceiling, bringing with it a Swan the size of a U-Haul.
Level 25 ¡®Serenity Park Swan¡¯ World Boss x
¡°*IRATE HONKING*¡± Everyone knows geese are assholes. But have you ever wondered who geese themselves consider assholes? That¡¯s right, it¡¯s swans. They¡¯re territorial and mean, even when they aren¡¯t protecting their young, and will bully geese who are themselves notorious bullies. This swan believes the entirety of Serenity Park belongs to him, and he will chase away all those who touch its grassy lawns or murky ponds. Fun fact! If two World Boss Swans meet, they will fight to the death and the winner will evolve into a Hydra-Swan. We highly encourage you to make this happen!
Chapter -67 The seven women and Hawaiian Shirt Guy all scrambled up-and-over the walls we were standing behind. Samantha, like a miserly guardian of some hidden stash, quickly went over in front of the door to the women¡¯s bathroom, barring them from entering. The women didn¡¯t seem to notice, and instead hurried through the door to the men¡¯s. Steve tried to join them, but Samantha stopped him with her good hand, nearly knocking him to the ground. ¡°What are you doing!?¡± ¡°You help clean up your own mess!¡± she scolded him, and for a second I actually had some respect for her. ¡°What about them!?¡± he complained, pulling the ¡®but everyone else is doing it so it¡¯s fine¡¯ argument, just as a weak-minded person like him would. ¡°They¡¯re too low-leveled and you got them into this mess!¡± Bee was sending Beetle Bolts whirring down the length of the hallway now sporting a massive hole, only for them to repeatedly be deflected by the Swan¡¯s sturdy beak. Her aim was good, but it was a bad target she was shooting for. ¡°Aim for the base of the neck!¡± Panda advised her. I pulled pieces off the furniture wall and finger-flicked them at the Swan, which waddled towards us ominously while honking loudly. Its footfalls made the floor and ceiling shake, panels falling down from above and leaving dark empty squares behind. The impacts of my projectiles struck its fluffy white feathers, but the damage was only really surface-level. I thought about pumping up Brock using the valve, but in order to use him, I¡¯d have to get close¡­ Steve clambered up onto the platform Bee and I stood on. She was preparing one of her bombs, while the Swan made it to the first of the gauntlet¡¯s fall walls. ¡°Birthday Wish!¡± he said out loud, and a large translucent candle appeared in front of him. As he blew it out, he closed his eyes and seemed to be making a wish. The candle vanished. Steve opened his eyes. ¡°What¡¯d that just do?¡± I asked. ¡°You¡¯ll hit harder for the next 30 seconds! Don¡¯t waste it!¡± ¡°Beetle Bomb,¡± Bee said, then handed me the bomb she¡¯d made. It was the size of a bowling ball, so she had definitely put a lot of oomph into it. I chucked it at the boss, but before it could get close enough, the Swan released a warbling roar that made all the walls shake as though they would topple over. Then it lifted its wings and flapped them. The bomb, the furniture the walls were comprised of, and us, were sent backwards and away from the enormous Swan, carried by the powerful wind generated by its wings. A bench hit Steve and took him for a ride down the left-going hallway without giving him a say in it, while I was slammed into the wall and pinned there by a grill and heavy restaurant chairs. Bee tumbled towards Samantha, who managed to catch and shield her with her transforming weapon, just before weaponized lamps and pots assailed them, followed by the bomb that Bee had made. I watched it fly towards them, as though time was slowed to a crawl, and began lifting my hand in response. Each slow drumbeat resounded in my inner ear as I formed an O-shape with my broken thumb and my middle-finger, then flicked the air. ¡°Get it!!¡± Brock yelled. Time immediately resumed to its normal flow and my finger-flick sent a concentrated burst of air directly into the side of the bomb, pushing it away from the pair, just before it exploded and showered Samantha¡¯s shield with flechettes. She winced in pain and I saw that several holes now adorned the hastily-made half-bowl shield she¡¯d created. Both of them were hit by the fragments, but not anywhere that mattered. ¡°That was close,¡± I muttered, before repositioning my legs against the grill and chairs pinning me. I pushed them as hard as I could. The metal chair legs scraped against the tiles on the floor and left behind black streaks. Wriggling free, I made my way to where the platforms had been and now a sea of rubble lay. Meanwhile the Swan was gearing up for another attack. ¡°Get out of the way!¡± Panda yelled, suddenly on my shoulder, and Bee began pulling Samantha back towards the bathrooms. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. I knew I had no choice but to get in close and hope I could take down the boss. ¡°I might have to sacrifice my left arm,¡± I told the plushie. ¡°Don¡¯t be an idiot, Gambit. Use your Soul Blade, then follow it up with your Giant Lance.¡± I blinked. ¡°Huh, you¡¯re right, why default to punching when I have useful skills?¡± The floor and ceiling shook as the Swan honked loudly, then it lifted its wings up and lowered its head, straightening out its neck. It raised its black right foot, the webbing between each clawed digit pulled taut, and then slammed it down in front of it. Then its left foot followed, then its right again. Each footfall of its long strides made the scattered furniture debris jump off the floor, while crushing anything they landed on. ¡°Watch out!¡± Panda yelled as the huge Swan barreled through the messy hallway towards the bathrooms. I ran to meet it. ¡°Unequip All!¡± I yelled, and the many Skill Trigger messages followed as I picked up speed and did my best to maneuver through the junk that covered every inch of the floor. For once, Miranda didn¡¯t comment on my nakedness. Perhaps she was pissed that I hadn¡¯t put on the Fur Collar. As only fifteen yards separated us, I invoked my new ability: ¡°Soul Blade!¡± Putting my left hand to my chest, I drew my weapon in a blaze of light that was tinted suspiciously violet. I only had a second to gape in horror at the large purple banana that appeared in my hand, before it unfurled its three sections to reveal the katana blade within. I lifted it up over my head in preparation for a wide slash. At the same time, the Swan lowered its head and opened its orange beak with ridges and teeth that seemed eager to bite down on me. My feet kept landing on debris, while each of the Swan¡¯s feet made everything bounce with the weight of their impacts. Suddenly only four yards separated me from the Swan¡¯s open beak. With a kick off from the lid of a trashcan, I cleared its enormous head and swung my Soul Blade at its back, carving a channel between its wings that quickly began spewing out blood. As I landed on the floor where the Swan had pulverized a stone countertop and large plant box, the purple banana katana disappeared from my hand, the light retreating back into my chest where I¡¯d pulled it from. ¡°Why was it purple¡­?¡± I muttered in confusion. ¡°Oh my god, is my soul purple!?¡± ¡°Gambit look!¡± Panda said and I quickly spun around to take in the Swan, which had collapsed only a few yards from the bathroom doors. The cut on its back was turning purple, with the color dying its feathers and spreading down its body. With one great effort, the Swan stumbled upright. Then it honked so loudly that an entire section of the ceiling panels shook loose and fell to the floor all at once. It began lifting its wings, even though the effort made more blood well forth. The first beat displaced all the nearby furniture debris away from it in a circle, the second flung it further away and with greater speed, and the third wingbeat made me drop to the ground for safety, as all the things that¡¯d piled up near the bathrooms were sent back the way they¡¯d come with ruinous force. Things crashed into the walls and floor, and the entire building seemed to begin violently shaking alongside the destruction. Shopfronts and restaurants were showered with dangerous debris and the bodies of the dead enemies. From where I lay, I pointed my hand at the furious Swan. ¡°Giant-Slayer Lance!¡± I yelled against the wind created by its wings. The projectile began to form in front of me, spinning as it grew in length, becoming a ballista bolt. One of the chairs that¡¯d pinned me earlier, spun as it flew through the air towards me. Since standing up was certain death and I didn¡¯t have time to properly react, I lifted my arm in front of my head and hoped for the best. The chair hit the floor tile just inches from my face, before jumping over me. Then the Giant Lance fired. Its sound was impossible to hear because of the storm the Swan was conjuring, but I watched its trajectory as it flew past debris and struck the boss in its side, just above its left leg. Immediately the wind died down and the monster collapsed to the floor. The flying furniture all came to a halt, and I got to my feet, quickly scanning the hallways for any monsters that might¡¯ve snuck up, but the coast was clear. I let out a long exhale. My body was sore and tired, my skin was sticky with the blood and fluids of several dozen monsters, and my right arm was still fucking gone¡­ Then a message rolled across the world. WORLD FIRST ANNOUNCEMENT! Player ¡®Samantha¡¯ is the first person to establish a Safe Zone in the GREAT GAME! The Safe Zone is located in the ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯ within the city of Castleburg, Massachusetts, in the United States! Come spend your hard-earned GAME Coins with the Vendors that have just arrived and get to know your neighbors! Chapter -68 I was immediately bombarded with achievements, while it felt like the entire Serenity Park Mall was shaking to its foundations. The floor began to swell as though it was beset by the waves of the ocean, and the rubbish and debris floated into the air, reforming and returning to where it¡¯d been pulled from by Bee¡¯s ability and the Swan¡¯s destruction. The ceiling too was rebuilt, and as I looked around, viewing the transformation through the transparent backgrounds of my overlapping screens, I noticed that the ruined storefronts were repaired as though by magic. Torn-open shutters were patched up and mended, glass reformed and became perfect and spotless, and destroyed furniture was regenerated. Where Mini Dungeons hadn¡¯t already transformed the shops, the stores were altered for new purposes, and I saw that, not far from me, a seedy pawn shop appeared, with a heavy metal door. As I was looking at it, the door opened and something stepped out to stand guard in front of the store. ¡°Is that a Jellyfish in a bullet-proof vest?¡± Panda asked. I nodded. That was indeed what it looked like. It had a translucent-white bell-shaped body with a red mass visible inside and supported itself on tendrils that coiled together to resemble legs, while four of them were lifted up like arms and crossed in front of its vest. It had very simple eyes that were kind of derpy, but it managed to look pretty intimidating thanks to its size. Down the left hallway there were similar strange characters appearing. One was walking in the opposite direction of us and looked like a giant crab with two dozen suitcases on its upper shell. It was probably a Merchant. Another was a colorful slug that was dragging a sign out in front of a transformed shop that looked like it might have something to do with Quests. Steve was lying atop a bench down the same hallway, complaining about his arm, but I ignored him. It seemed like there¡¯d been even more changes on the floors below, with no doubt the ground floor having received the most attention. ¡°There should be a shop to buy a Full Recovery somewhere here,¡± I muttered. It was the primary reason I¡¯d even gone along with Samantha¡¯s plan instead of rushing straight for the Mayor¡¯s mansion. Before I went off exploring, I had a look at my achievements.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Swan Down¡¯ Slayed a Swan World Boss.
It¡¯s not really understood why, but your world has been populated by World Boss Swans and taking them down is considered a big deal to the System. There are countless ways the GREAT GAME can reach its conclusion, but one of them would be to combine seven of these Swans and creating a new GOD. The item you have just received can be fed to another Swan to evolve it into a Hydra-Swan. You can also consume it for a special effect, but that¡¯s just kind of boring¡­
Reward: ¡®Swan Foie Gras¡¯
When I checked my inventory, the Foie Gras was already there. I gave it a quick inspection:
¡®Swan Foie Gras¡¯ x
Rich and buttery, with an aftertaste of animal abuse. Feed to a World Boss Swan to evolve it into a Hydra-Swan or consume it yourself to force a spontaneous Class Evolution.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°This might be worth a lot if I sell it to another Player.¡± ¡°You should give it to Bee,¡± said Panda. ¡°She still has her Class Evolution to go through. I guess I¡¯ll save it for now. It might be good if I don¡¯t like my next Evolution or something.¡± I swiped the inspection result away and looked at the next set of achievements:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Safe Zone Event Clear¡¯ A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Helped in the successful creation of a Safe Zone.
You participated in the creation of a Safe Zone, which will help you and all the other pathetic weaklings of your region to stay alive a little bit longer. If you had been a real champion of your race, you would¡¯ve destroyed the Safe Zone Sphere when you had the chance, but instead you chose to ally yourself with all the people who need protection.
Rewards: +1 Level & 100x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Safe Zone Event MVP¡¯ Contributed the most to a Safe Zone Event.
Look at you go, killer! You achieved the most kills during the Event and you are therefore the MVP. To be precise, you killed a total of 87 Enemies, 2 Mini Bosses, and 1 World Boss.
Reward: ¡®Safe Zone MVP Trophy¡¯
I wanted to see what the trophy offered, since it seemed like it might be the kind that gave out new skills, but I pulled up the last two pop-ups first:
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -15! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Boss kills required for Level -16 0/2
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®?Level Up (-15)?¡¯ Reached Level -15
Remember the children of that first Agent you killed and stole the hand of? Well, guess what? They¡¯re coming to get you. And they¡¯ve joined forces with the children of all the other Agents you¡¯ve slain since then. Savor your final moments, Glitch. Because once you leave the safety of your little hidey-hole, you¡¯re a dead man.
Reward: ¡®Plugin Slot¡¯ Passive
No sooner had I closed down the level-up achievement, before a new Plugin Slot appeared in the center of my other shoulder blade. As it manifested itself on my body, I also realized that my Carapace Suit actually didn¡¯t overlap the tops of the inserted plugins I already had, but instead just morphed around them. It seemed like unintentional weak points to me. ¡°I guess I should have Bee help me reinsert the unCollide Plugin,¡± I said. At the same time, she came out of the bathroom alone. I walked towards her and we met next to the corpse of the dead Serenity Swan. ¡°That was fun!¡± she commented. ¡°You¡¯ve got a flechette stuck in your forearm,¡± Panda pointed out to her. ¡°Samantha says there¡¯s a Healer on the ground floor.¡± She looked around at the surroundings that¡¯d been repaired, marveling at it for a moment before noticing the Jellyfish in the vest. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s a Turritopsis Dohrnii!¡± she exclaimed excitedly and ran over to it. I noticed there was a glowing Leftover wisp next to the Swan¡¯s corpse and I stuck my hand in it, while watching Bee trying to communicate with the security guard. Leftovers of World Boss ¡®Serenity Park Swan¡¯: 80x ¡®GAME Coin¡¯ ¡®Swan-feather Cloak¡¯ Picking it all up, I immediately inspected the Cloak, since it was rare to find items like that.
¡®Swan-feather Cloak¡¯ x
Swans are pretty tough, y¡¯know? This is a comfortable and warm cloak made from the wing of a World Boss Swan, and it brings to mind something regal and elegant. It definitely doesn¡¯t fit your style, so please just put it back where you found it and ignore the following: Wearing this armor imbues you with the following effects: - You become literally waterproof - You no longer experience cold - If you are within a hundred miles of another World Boss Swan, it will automatically seek you out Additionally, you receive the ¡®Indestructible¡¯ ability allowing you to survive a fatal hit once, with a 24 hour cooldown, by saying ¡®Honk¡¯.
Weight: 4 Pandas
I didn¡¯t waste a second and immediately equipped the cloak. ¡°Wow¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I know, right??¡± I replied excitedly. ¡°Sorry, I was just taken aback by how lame that looks on you.¡± I ignored his clearly-jealous remark and went over to where Bee was standing in front of the Jellyfish. ¡°He doesn¡¯t seem to want to talk,¡± she complained to me. She paused as she saw my new attire, then said, ¡°White doesn¡¯t really suit you.¡± ¡°Man, is everyone just out to complain about my appearance today?¡± I grumbled. ¡°And of course he doesn¡¯t talk, he¡¯s a goddamn Jellyfish.¡± ¡°I actually resent that remark,¡± the security guard said in a New Zealand accent. ¡°It¡¯s very specist of you to say something like that, ay. I was just stonewalling this beetle lady, because I was trying to impress her.¡± ¡°What are you doing here?¡± Bee asked him. ¡°I¡¯m protecting the shop,¡± he replied, gesturing at the door behind him with a tendril. ¡°My name¡¯s Nikau.¡± ¡°I¡¯m Bee,¡± she replied. ¡°And this is Gambit and Pandamonium.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t forget about Brock!¡± ¡°Oh, and Brock,¡± she added, pointing to my gauntlet. Nikau the Security Jellyfish didn¡¯t say whether or not he could see them, and he didn¡¯t have much in the way of expressions, since his simple eyes didn¡¯t move, as they seemed affixed to his body and incapable of independent motion. ¡°You should go inside, ay?¡± he suggested. ¡°I won¡¯t be paid, if boss doesn¡¯t sell her things.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll check it later,¡± I told him, pulling Bee with me. ¡°Where are we going?¡± she asked. I lifted my right non-existent arm in front of her. ¡°Oh, right, the Healer.¡± Chapter -69 Players were making their way into the Mall as we came to the second floor. I didn¡¯t know the Serenity Park Mall well enough to tell what had been there before the new Vendors moved in, but there were a lot of strange shops squeezed in-between otherwise normal-looking stores that were in fact Dungeons. Bee was leaning over the side of a railing that allowed her to look down at the ground floor and she was taking the opportunity to scan the Players with her Nerdy Spectacles. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out what the nearby Vendors were for. Since we weren¡¯t in imminent danger at the moment, I was able to actually take in our momentary refuge. The Mall was a large rectangular box, and the second and third floors were mostly just walkways with square holes in the center that allowed you to look down at the ground floor, except for the corners, like where Samantha had set up the Safe Zone Sphere. There was a halfway point where the walkways crossed from one side to the other, and this meant that there were two square ¡®shafts¡¯ where we could look down. If Samantha planned on taking charge of the Mall, positioning herself at the top made a lot of sense, strategically. Still, it was hard for me to not relate to the antagonistic messages of my recent achievements, which called me a coward for hiding in a Safe Zone. Not only did I agree that it was cowardice, but there were also no assurances that it prevented Skinwalkers and saboteurs from entering. Not to mention, Nina¡¯s warning was still at the front of my mind. ¡°You look pensive,¡± Panda said. ¡°It¡¯s worrying.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just thinking,¡± I told him, as Bee leaned back from the railing. ¡°There are a couple of level 3s that just entered, and several at level 1 and 2.¡± ¡°They sure got here at a very convenient time¡­¡± I remarked. Just late enough to be unable to help us, but early enough to take advantage of the place and set up their own spots. Even with a place as big as the Mall, space was sure to run out quickly, and no doubt those who were most cunning would camp out the easy Dungeons and bar others from utilizing them. ¡°None of them look like they were Skinstealers,¡± she added. ¡°I don¡¯t trust them,¡± I replied. We walked back towards the escalators and headed down. I hadn¡¯t managed to really identify what the new Vendors on the second floor were, but I figured I¡¯d go a round after I was healed to fully figure out what options I had for spending my roughly five-hundred Game Coins. ¡°Samantha got a strange reward for setting up the Safe Zone,¡± Bee said, as the escalator slowly moved us down to the ground floor. ¡°It was a golden key the size of my forearm. She said it allows her to teleport to any place within our Region.¡± ¡°That sounds powerful,¡± I said, slightly jealous, even though I had the ¡®back_door.bat¡¯ ability from the unCollide Plugin that Bee had helped me reinsert before we left the top floor. ¡°It must have some kind of drawback,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°She didn¡¯t say,¡± Bee replied. We walked off the escalator, and almost immediately three people jumped in surprise when they saw me. ¡°Oy¡­ your Jumpscare passive is gonna make people go insane!¡± ¡°Not my fault they¡¯re wusses.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s because you¡¯re dressed like an REPD Agent,¡± Bee guessed. ¡°Let¡¯s not get too close to them,¡± I muttered, not replying to her guess, but fairly sure she was spot-on. Probably several Players had been brutalized by the Agents. Suddenly, I wondered if Agents and other members of the various insect-based agencies could enter the Safe Zone¡­ it would certainly create a lot of problems. And I had encountered those Ambushers, even if I couldn¡¯t exactly recall fighting and killing them. ¡°Wait. Where¡¯s all the bodies gone?¡± I asked, realizing that they weren¡¯t all over the place like they¡¯d been when I came to earlier. ¡°Probably got cleaned up with the rest of the Mall when it turned into a Safe Zone,¡± Panda said. ¡°Does it matter?¡± ¡°I might¡¯ve missed a lot of the loot,¡± I said with a frown. ¡°There!¡± Bee exclaimed suddenly, startling the nearby newcomers with her voice. I followed her finger and saw that there was a large Vendor nestled into a spot on the other side of the mall, across the open floor that the new Players were gathering in. I was fairly sure it had been a hair salon before, but I could¡¯ve been wrong. It was next to an aquarium store that was probably where the strange Shark Merman spawned from. The Vendor¡¯s storefront was brownish-grey and looked to be made of some kind of paper or cardboard and two humanoid creatures stood out in front, but they weren¡¯t like Nikau the Jellyfish, rather, they looked like crustaceans. ¡°Are those lobster people?¡± I wondered. ¡°Let¡¯s go check!¡± Bee said and bounded towards the shop. ¡°Wait, how do you know it¡¯s a healer!?¡± I called as I walked after her. The nearby Players were watching us with strange expressions, maybe because we weren¡¯t acting scared and bothered by the whole concept of the apocalypse, though it might as easily have been that they knew we were a lot stronger than them. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. When I caught up to Bee, who was talking to the two guards, I realized that I knew what the storefront was made of, and it wasn¡¯t paper. Or well, not in the traditional sense. Rather, it was wood pulp that¡¯d been formed into papery sheets. There also weren¡¯t any doors, just a human-sized hole that seemed to lead into a tunnel. ¡°Is this a goddamn wasp hive??¡± I asked. ¡°We are here to protect the Healer,¡± said one of the lobster men, clicking his large right claw, while his eye stalks glared at me. ¡°Overt hostility is not tolerated.¡± ¡°You do know wasps literally get paid to make fun of humans dying on the broadcast of this ¡®Great¡¯ Game, right!?¡± The other guard clacked his claws and said, ¡°And we get paid to keep the Healer alive.¡± Both of them were slightly taller than me, and though they were humanoid in shape, there was nothing human about them, just like how the Beetle Agents were just beetles shaped to look humanoid. But they definitely seemed like they¡¯d take quite a beating before they went down, although I guessed that part of the Safe Zone¡¯s unique status was that it didn¡¯t allow for hostilities to take place inside. It did make me wonder about why some of the Vendors had a need for guards. ¡°How much does Healing cost?¡± Bee asked, before I could get us banned from entering. ¡°The first one is free,¡± said the guard on the right. ¡°Great¡­¡± I groaned. ¡°The first one is free and will get us hooked, then the next will cost all our gear and money right?¡± ¡°This one is very hostile, isn¡¯t he, brother?¡± said the second guard. ¡°He is indeed.¡± ¡°We might as well try, if it¡¯s free,¡± Bee told me. ¡°Fine! But if I see a stinger, I¡¯m fighting back!¡± Before either of the lobster men could bar us from entering, Bee pushed me through the aperture. We moved through a C-shaped tunnel before coming out into a surprisingly-cozy interior that was decorated with warm-glowing lamps fixed into the ceiling, and a few potted plants in hanging pots. Strangely though, there were very large hexagonal pits in the floor that were full of what I guessed to be honey. Sitting on a wooden stool was a tiny and old-looking Wasp woman with two long antennae sprouting from her forehead, and coal-black hair and eyes. Her skin was grey and instead of a lower body she had a large abdomen with a tapered point, and it had a yellow-orange pattern starting from the middle and down, while the rest of it was grey like her skin. The Wasp was sucking on the stem of a white flower, releasing smoke rings into the air somehow. ¡°Here fer healin¡¯?¡± she asked in a thick accent that might¡¯ve been Scottish. I reeled for a moment, utterly discombobulated by the incongruence between her voice and appearance. ¡°The guards outside said it was free,¡± Bee quickly replied. ¡°Only fer today. Dinnae tell the whole village.¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked. Bee translated. ¡°Just today, but don¡¯t tell everyone.¡± ¡°Fekkin¡¯ expensive,¡± the Wasp explained. ¡°So, what do we do?¡± I asked. ¡°I¡¯m not agreeing to anything involving a stinger!¡± ¡°Get in tub,¡± she replied, gesturing with her flower at one of the hexagons with honey in it. ¡°Do I keep my armor on?¡± I asked. The woman looked to Bee. ¡°Bit slow ain¡¯t he?¡± Panda laughed. ¡°She says you¡¯re a moron.¡± I gritted my teeth, doing my best not to rise to the provocation, and said, ¡°Unequip All.¡± Then I walked, barefooted, across the papery floor to one of the ¡®tubs¡¯ and slowly lowered myself down. Panda hopped off my shoulder just before he could get trapped in the sticky sap. Surprisingly, the hexagon was deep enough that I couldn¡¯t feel the bottom, and I ended up submerged to just below my chin. Immediately, I could feel a warmth flow across my body. The Wasp got up from her chair and limped over to my tub with a gnarled wooden cane in her hand, then used the tip to push against the top of my head until I was all the way under. I gasped, thinking I¡¯d fallen for an obvious trap and would now die a slow, but sweet, death as honey clogged every orifice of my body. But then I realized that I could breathe just fine. Whether due to the healing effects or something laced into the honey that surrounded me, I felt myself starting to fall into some kind of deep meditative state that bordered on sleep, while my right arm was meticulously reconstructed, along with my many broken bones here-and-there, and the countless bruises and scratches. An achievement suddenly appeared in front of my eyes:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®A Healing Hand¡¯ Met a Healer in a Safe Zone.
Healers come in all shapes and sizes, but you managed to encounter a rare one: a former Announcer of the GREAT GAME who switched to the side that actively supports Players. If you manage to get friendly with Healers, they will often offer you discounts. Note that ¡®getting friendly¡¯ means: do Quests for them.
Reward: ¡®Safe Zone Token¡¯
There was a new type of currency given as a reward for the achievement, and I immediately inspected it through my Inventory.
¡®Safe Zone Token¡¯ x
A token for use in Safe Zones, which allows you to utilize certain machines and services. It is possible to exchange GAME Coins for Tokens, but the best way to earn them is through Safe Zone Quests for the various Vendors.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas x Amount
Another incentive to look around the Safe Zone a little longer, I contemplated. Perhaps it was because of the honey and its healing properties, but I was feeling significantly less inclined to get out of here right away. A sigh escaped from my entire body as I began to fully relax and let go of all the tension that I¡¯d unwittingly been holding on to. As I was just about to enter a perfect Zen-like state, Panda¡¯s voice cut through to me, ¡°Eh, Gambit, I think this Safe Zone isn¡¯t actually ¡®safe¡¯.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± I asked, although, because of the honey that surrounded me, my voice came out muffled and weird-sounding. The Plushie, who was standing up above, managed to hear me just fine. ¡°Well, someone was just killed outside the shop we¡¯re in. There¡¯s a lot of screaming going on.¡± Chapter -70 The handle of a cane hooked under my right forearm and pulled me up and out of the hexagonal healing tub. I landed on my feet at the edge of the hole and sheets of gloopy honey rolled off me lazily, seeming to not stick to my bare skin at all, for which I was grateful. The blood that¡¯d made my hair stiff like gel and turned my body sticky was gone, and my right arm was restored to full. ¡°That was quick,¡± I muttered. ¡°You were in there for 20 minutes,¡± Panda told me, before climbing up my body and onto my shoulder. ¡°Come again,¡± said the Wasp Healer and smacked me on the butt with her cane, before using it to push me towards the exit tunnel. The honey kept plopping to the ground as I walked out, but it seemed to slowly retreat to the tub, as though sentient in some way or perhaps the old Wasp had a honey magnet. ¡°I thought nobody was supposed to be able to get hurt here,¡± I said. ¡°Wasn¡¯t that the entire point of making the Safe Zone?¡± ¡°Well, yeah, but it seems it doesn¡¯t actually work that way,¡± he told me. ¡°Where¡¯s Bee?¡± I asked. ¡°She went to investigate.¡± I picked up speed and came out through the opening of the wasp hive ¡®door¡¯, passing by the two crustacean guards, who were on alert, as they watched a gathering of Players in the center of the floor in front of the shop. Bee was knelt next to a dead body that¡¯d had its torso punctured by a sword or some kind of massive blade. When people saw me approach, several of them jumped in surprise, and more than a few were pointing to my shoulder. The shoulder where Panda sat¡­ ¡°This is bad,¡± the plushie commented, looking down past Bee. ¡°You recognize the body?¡± I asked, but then I froze mid-step as I realized I did as well. Her perm was messed up, and her neat blue suit was torn and rapidly darkening from the blood that poured out of the gaping hole in her body, as though there was no stopping the bleeding. Bee shared the appraisal of the corpse, as though she didn¡¯t quite believe it herself either:
Level 15 ¡®Samantha¡¯ Player x
¡°I just want a cold beer, is that too much to ask for!?¡± Class: Involuntary Protagonist Main Attribute(s): Strength, Vitality, & Defense Sometimes the story takes a turn, and you realize that you weren¡¯t following a heroic journey, but rather a grim horror tragedy with no redeemable characters. This is what we feel like right now, here at the office. We had such great plans for Samantha, and then she went and died on us. What a shame. This Player is Dead.
I swallowed, feeling both supremely-uncomfortable about the fact that a Level 15 Player had died from a single attack, and also the fact that any of the nearby Players could potentially be the murderer. ¡°A Skinstealer must¡¯ve done this,¡± I muttered, while scanning their faces for any trace of hostility. The muttered talking and whispering instantly fell silent, when an achievement arrived for everyone around the dead body:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Whoops¡¯ You encountered a Bug.
We¡¯ve just been alerted by the Moths, who help the System function, that there¡¯s a Bug with how Safe Zones work. Apparently, the feature which is integral to Safe Zones, i.e. the part that makes them ¡®Safe¡¯, isn¡¯t automatically part of a Safe Zone. Instead it¡¯s something that is activated at a specific Timestamp: the end of the WEAPONLUTION Event to be precise. We are working on fixing this issue, so please hang tight. Until then, please accept this Bug Victim Compensation reward.
Reward: 15x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
As the realization of the implications set in, people looked at each other and started backing away, while their groups broke apart, with loyalties and trustworthiness quickly being figured out on the spot. A terrified man yelled something incomprehensible and then ran for the exit. Two others followed behind him shortly after. Everyone else scattered, quickly leaving the scene of the crime in their desperate attempt to protect themselves. Then a Quest arrived from my Benefactor.
Benefactor Quest If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
This is a Quest given to you by your Benefactor. Failure to complete the Quest will result in a penalty of the Benefactor¡¯s choosing. The Quest states the following: The protections are down, now is your time to crush the weaklings around you and shower in their blood! Miranda
Rewards: 200x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ & ¡®Throbbing Bite¡¯ Ability
¡°She¡¯s out of her fucking mind,¡± I said and Panda nodded. I definitely didn¡¯t trust any of the Players here besides Bee, but that didn¡¯t mean that I¡¯d go on a killing spree for the hell of it. Not to mention, there was literally no benefit, as it would only mark me as a villain and convince everybody that I¡¯d had a hand in Samantha¡¯s death. ¡°Where¡¯s her Leftovers?¡± I asked Bee. ¡°Did you already loot them?¡± She was silent for a moment, then said, ¡°There weren¡¯t any. Whoever killed her looted all her things immediately.¡± ¡°Did no one see the murderer?¡± Panda asked, switching to detective mode. ¡°I only came out here after people started screaming, but I think Samantha was heading to the Healer as well. Someone ambushed her before she could enter the store.¡± Panda pointed to the lobster guards with a fingerless arm. ¡°Let¡¯s ask them.¡± ¡°It has to have been a Skinstealer,¡± I insisted. ¡°I inspected everyone,¡± Bee said, an annoyed tone in her voice, although I couldn¡¯t figure out if it was directed at me or not. ¡°None of them had suspicious appraisals.¡± ¡°They might have adapted to not be that easy to spot!¡± She got up from the floor and began walking towards the guards. Clearly she wasn¡¯t buying my theory. She hadn¡¯t seen what I¡¯d seen, so of course she was skeptical to the truth, but I¡¯d unveil the true killer. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare use the Whistle,¡± Panda warned me. ¡°A lot of the Players could see me earlier. The moment you use the Whistle, you¡¯ll push many of them over the edge, and, because you insisted on installing that stupid unHaunt Plugin, they¡¯ll become serious trouble.¡± I grumbled, but knew he was right. I would wait to use it until I was certain. While I followed Bee back towards the front of the Healer¡¯s paper hive, I pulled up my Status and inserted my available attribute point in Dexterity.
Level -15 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
---If you stare into the red, sometimes it stares back <( o )>---
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Snow Sled Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Echidna Intelligence: ? Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: ×ÓÈ® Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®unCollide¡¯ back_door.bat Glitch Collision ¡®unHero¡¯ gasm.org Anti Heroism ¡®unHaunt¡¯ wannaCry Jumpscare ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯
¡°I¡¯ve been thinking,¡± I started, ¡°Maybe I should combine Soul Blade and Giant-Slayer Lance.¡± ¡°I thought about that as well,¡± Panda said. Bee had already made it to the guards and was asking, ¡°What did you see?¡± ¡°Although,¡± I said, unable to chuckle a little at my own genius, ¡°What if I combined it with my Glitch Passive instead of the Lance?¡± ¡°I doubt they¡¯d let you do that¡­ Eh, what am I saying? They probably don¡¯t have a choice in the matter, if the System is cool with it. But what would the benefit be?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I have two Fusion Gums, I might as well experiment.¡± ¡°You know, you never inspected the Glitch Passive, what does it even say?¡± I blinked, then realized he was right. Immediately, I brought up the info:
¡®Glitch¡¯ x
Passive Did you know? You were meant to have become a unique Roaming Boss in Castleburg instead of the Mayor, but then, for some reason, you didn¡¯t turn into an Insanity Monster at all. Due to your misbegotten origins, you are considered a Glitch by the System and the GREAT GAME. Rules do not apply to you in the same way as they apply to others, and your potential is not set in stone, but rather for you to decide.
¡°¡­Huh.¡± ¡°Yeah, that tracks,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I sort of guessed they meant for you to become a big bad boss and the fact that you didn¡¯t is why the Agents are so hellbent on capturing you.¡± I thought about it for a moment, starting to feel a bout of existential dread. With a deep exhale, I cleared my mind, and then went over to where Bee was already in the middle of a Good Cop / Bad Cop act, although she had no one to play Bad Cop with her. ¡°Tell us everything you know!¡± I shouted, jabbing my index finger into the chestplate of the crustacean guard nearest to me. ¡°Brother, I think he is threatening me.¡± ¡°It does look that way.¡± ¡°Listen here,¡± I said, leaning in so that my mouth was close to what I guessed might be his ear canal. ¡°If you play ball and tell us what we want to know, you won¡¯t have to ride the lightning.¡± The guard shoved me back with an impressive amount of strength. In response, I put my right palm to my chest and pulled out my Soul Blade, pointing it at him. ¡°Brother, it seems he is now threatening me with a large fruit.¡± This time my Soul Banana wasn¡¯t purple, and I realized it was because Brock was still on my left hand. It seemed everything I touched with him was affected with the Purple curse, even my own skills for some reason... ¡°Let¡¯s just tell them what we know,¡± said the other guard. A moment later, a pop-up appeared:
Safe Zone Quest
This is a Quest given to you by the guards ¡®Crusty¡¯ and ¡®Carnage¡¯, who protect the Healer of Serenity Park Mall. Your Quest is as follows: There was a sudden explosion of light and smoke in front of the Healer¡¯s shop, and when it cleared, the body of the Safe Zone¡¯s Owner lay dead on the ground. The chaos and fear is driving away potential customers, and the Healer would like for the Murderer to be found and dealt with, such that the Safe Zone¡¯s residents can feel comfortable enough to shop again.
Rewards: 50x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ & ¡®Healer Discount Coupon¡¯
Bee squealed in excitement. ¡°The case is on, Detective Panda and Deputy Gambit!¡± Chapter -71 ¡°Why does he get to be a Detective, but I¡¯m just a Deputy?¡± I asked, offended. ¡°You¡¯re better at dealing with the police brutality part of the job,¡± Panda explained. ¡°Just leave the crime solving to us!¡± Bee nodded, then said, ¡°First, let¡¯s interrogate the witnesses!¡± ¡°They just told us what happened,¡± I said, pointing to the two guards with the large banana in my hand. The one to the left of the hole into the Healer¡¯s shop stepped forward and slapped my Soul Blade aside with his large claw. ¡°Stop pointing that at me.¡± A shudder went through my entire system and I quickly clutched the banana to my chest protectively. ¡°Don¡¯t touch it!¡± ¡°Gambit, get rid of the banana and put some clothes on,¡± Panda told me. I unsummoned the Soul Blade and then looked down at myself. ¡°Ah, right, forgot I just came out of the tub like this.¡± With a few mental swipes, I had my Carapace Suit and Swan-feather Cloak equipped. ¡°You still haven¡¯t evolved,¡± I told Bee. ¡°If we¡¯re hunting down a murderer that can kill a level 15 player in one strike, don¡¯t you think you should do that first?¡± ¡°Good thinking, Deputy!¡± she announced, then she turned to the crustacean guards. ¡°Do you think the Healer would mind if I did it in her shop?¡± ¡°Go on in,¡± said the one on the right of the door. ¡°Thank you.¡± She walked between them and into the shop and I made to follow, but a clawed hand went up in front of the doorway and stopped me. ¡°You¡¯ve already used the Healer¡¯s services for free. You¡¯ll have to pay if you want to enter a second time.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just accompanying my friend,¡± I argued. ¡°None of us even need healing!¡± ¡°Them¡¯s the rules, buddy.¡± ¡°Listen here, I¡¯m not your buddy, pal!¡± ¡°Gambit, it¡¯s fine!¡± Bee yelled from inside. ¡°Just wait out there, I¡¯m pretty sure I can share the options with you and you can just yell your recommendations.¡± Panda, realizing that sticking with me was apparently a losing bet, hopped off my shoulder and waddled through the doorway, the guards being none the wiser. I huffed loudly before sitting down in front of the doorway like a petulant child. A moment later, the Class Milestone screen hit me:
Congratulations! You have reached a Class milestone! x
Pick an option! You have reached the first Class milestone by reaching Level 10. You now have the choice between switching to a higher-quality Class or evolving your current one. An Evolved Class will follow the theme of your current Class, while a Class Change will be something new. Warning: changing Class will change your current Class abilities.
Change Class Evolve Class
¡°I¡¯m picking evolution!¡± Bee yelled immediately after. A moment after the next screen followed, and I quickly read through the options.
You have chosen ¡®Evolve Class¡¯
Select an Evolution from the options
Ant Alchemist Gather ingredients from your surroundings and brew potions to overcome all challenges Moth Magician Learn to decipher the ancient code of the System in order to cast devastating spells Termite Thaumaturge Become a worker of miracles and the heart of any team through your support magic
Main Attribute: Perception & Dexterity Main Attribute: Intelligence Main Attribute: Wisdom
Core Ability: ¡®Ant Acid¡¯ Core Ability: ¡®Moth Missile¡¯ Core Ability: ¡®Termite Tribute¡¯ If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
Core Passive: ¡®Ant Alchemy¡¯ Core Passive: ¡®Moth Mania¡¯ Core Passive: ¡®Termite Teamwork¡¯
¡°You should definitely pick Moth Magician!¡± I yelled through the doorway from where I sat. ¡°You didn¡¯t even look at the other options!¡± Panda replied. ¡°I didn¡¯t need to, they¡¯re lame!¡± ¡°Gambit is right,¡± Bee shouted, ¡°I don¡¯t want to be an alchemist or a support player! Also, look!¡± Two descriptions followed in quick succession:
¡®Moth Missile¡¯ x
Ability Moth Missile! Moth Missile!! Moth Missile!!! Shoot orbs of moth scales that loosely track the target you are aiming for. The number of orbs is equal to your Intelligence divided by 3, and the damage of each orb is equal to your current Mana. Mana Cost: 10% of current Mana
¡®Moth Mania¡¯ x
Passive All moths are kind of not-all-there and a bit twisted. It¡¯s believed to be a widespread congenital trait, given that all of them are like that. Many believe it¡¯s caused by their close association with the System, which itself is all sorts of messed up. You see patterns in the world that can be deciphered to form verses of spells. Collecting five verses unlocks a new Skill based on the nature of the verses. Additionally, all Mana is increased by 25%.
¡°Yeah, screw the other options!¡± I yelled. ¡°The Ant Alchemist has a lot of utility and might be really u¡ª¡± Panda protested, before suddenly getting cut off by a shockwave that moved out through the walls of the Healer¡¯s shop. The invisible wave passed through me and made my bones vibrate, then retracted back into its source, which had to be Bee, only to be followed by a thrum, which rolled through the air. A moment of silence followed, before she sprang out through the doorway of the shop, her entire appearance altered. Gone was her armored beetle carapace, and in its place was a furry grey-and-white coat that covered her entire body, except for her face and hands, where the skin was a darker shade of grey. Her eyes had become black with white rings and a dot in the center. Her antennae had changed as well, becoming longer and fuzzier, and her black hair was now white. From her shoulders and back were also four large white wings with dark-grey rings on them that hung down to the ground, making it appear as if she was wearing a strange cloak over her fur-covered body. It also seemed like she¡¯d grown an inch or two in height. ¡°I feel like I¡¯m looking at a completely different person,¡± I mumbled. Granted, there was still a familiar spark in her eyes, even if her eyes were utterly different. ¡°I feel a lot lighter now,¡± Bee said, doing a spinning twirl in the air. ¡°Also, look!¡± She shared her Status window with me.
Level 11 ¡®Bee¡¯ Moth Magician x
---Red like Nostradamus''s cherry jelly (recipe)---
STATS
Health: 6 Stamina: 9 Armor: 8
Carry Weight: 60 Top Speed: 13,5 km/h Mana: 30
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 3 Dexterity: 4 Intelligence: 12 Vitality: 3
Athleticism: 3 Perception: 3 Wisdom: 10 Defense: 4
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Beetle Breeze¡¯ ¡®Beetle Bolt¡¯ ¡®Beetle Barrier¡¯ ¡®Beetle Blastoff¡¯ ¡®Beetle Bomb¡¯ ¡®Furniture Fortification¡¯ ¡®Moth Missile¡¯ ¡®Moth Mania¡¯ ¡®Wayward Minor¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯ ¡®Beetle Brawn¡¯ ¡®Beetle Battlemage¡¯
Panda came waddling out of the shop behind her. ¡°The Moth Missile should be pretty powerful. At full Mana, it¡¯ll hit 4 times for a total of 120 damage.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t know if I understand how damage works,¡± I said. ¡°Does her Health match the damage?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so. Although, 6 in Health is definitely very low.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s missing a 0?¡± Bee guessed. ¡°It could be,¡± I said. ¡°Although, that¡¯d mean just two of your own Missiles could instantly kill you¡­¡± ¡°That does make sense though,¡± Panda replied. ¡°I imagine they removed a 0 off the Health Stat so it would match the rest of the numbers.¡± I nodded. ¡°Otherwise my Bad Catchphrase damage could kill me really fast, right?¡± There was a pause. ¡°Wait!¡± both Panda and I exclaimed simultaneously. ¡°There must be a command for it!¡± I then said. ¡°Maybe something like ¡®What¡¯s my current health points¡¯?¡± Bee guessed. She made a surprised sound. ¡°It worked, look!¡±
Bee¡¯s Condition Health: 60 / 60 (FULL) Mana: 30 / 30 (FULL)
¡°Current health points,¡± I said, and my own pop-up appeared in the bottom right of my vision.
Gambit¡¯s Condition Health: Isn¡¯t it Great / Isn¡¯t it Great (FULL?) Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
I shared it with her. ¡°Why is your Mana asking you to scratch it?¡± ¡°He¡¯s too afraid to try and figure it out,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Alright,¡± I said, ignoring them both. ¡°We¡¯re ready now, so let¡¯s go find the killer.¡± ¡°Should we hold some kind of funeral for Samantha later?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Could at least move the body,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Detective! That¡¯s an active crime scene!¡± Bee then exclaimed, getting back into character. Given her new appearance, she actually had a bit of a Film Noir vibe going on. One of the guards walked past us and over to the body, before carrying it into the Healer¡¯s shop. ¡°Boss told us she¡¯ll take care of the corpse¡­ Detectives.¡± Bee grinned, her black eyes full of glee at her silly play-pretend being acknowledged by the guard, although the white circles and dot in the center of her eyes made her look positively-unhinged. That was all to say: my favorite kind of companion. Chapter -72 ¡°Stop running!¡± Bee yelled, as the two of us were chasing down a fleeing Player. ¡°We just want to ask some questions about what you saw!¡± ¡°Leave me¡­ the fuck¡­ alone¡­ you psycho!!¡± ¡°Well that¡¯s not very nice,¡± she grumbled, before twirling her right wrist and fingers, and creating a barrier of furniture in front of the runaway witness. With a loud smack, he slammed into the wall that¡¯d been created from a lawn-chair, picnic umbrella, and a small grill pulled from a camping store that was now a small ¡®open¡¯ Dungeon, with a few monsters roaming inside between the shelves. Like the other Mini Dungeons, the monsters stayed within and didn¡¯t go venturing out into the hallways of the Mall. She was a lot lighter on her feet and the increased height made her strides longer, which, coupled with her intuitive use of her new wings made her able to keep up with me on foot, despite having a low Athleticism attribute. As the witness was unsteadily getting back to his feet, we caught up to him and I stopped him from moving by placing my foot on his back. ¡°What did you see before Samantha died!?¡± I demanded. He let out a squeal, which turned into a trembling animal roar, before his body started spasming and contorting. His arms grew bulkier, his legs became longer, and the top of his head popped off, turning him into something similar to the Police Fiends, except way bulkier. His skin also turned black and tough like leather, and his hands became metallic claws. With a grunt, he pushed off my foot and I stumbled back a few steps. ¡°Moth Missile!¡± yelled Bee, halting her momentum. She began back-pedaling using her wings to make her float, while four orbs appeared around her right hand, orbiting her wrist. They fired off and took strangely-wobbling trajectories through the air, leaving behind trails of fluttering scales. The newly-transformed Player had just risen to his full height of seven feet, when the first smacked into his chest and exploded in a small-but-powerful puff of scales. He was punched back a step, as the rest came in, hitting him one-after-the-other and making him tumble to the ground. Meanwhile, I was conjuring my Giant-Slayer Lance, which appeared in the air in front of me and took advantage of Bee¡¯s pummeling to slowly build itself. When the Insanity Monster recovered from the last of the orb¡¯s impacts, he caught my fully-formed lance to the chest, which tore his body in two. Since it counted as a boss kill, the cooldown immediately reset.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -16! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Boss kills required for Level -17 0/2
¡°You¡¯ve got to knock this off,¡± Panda said. ¡°That¡¯s the second one you¡¯ve turned into a monster!!¡± ¡°Brock feels like he should be used more,¡± my purple gauntlet chimed in sadly. ¡°It¡¯s good to know that Bee¡¯s theory was right, and we¡¯ve found an easy way to farm boss kills thanks to my Plugins,¡± I remarked. ¡°You¡¯re literally farming other Players for levels! What about the investigation!?¡± ¡°He has a point,¡± Bee said. ¡°These witnesses aren¡¯t really telling us much.¡± I sighed. ¡°If we¡¯d kept this up for a bit longer, I might¡¯ve hit level 20.¡± ¡°At the cost of innocent people¡¯s lives!¡± Panda argued. ¡°This is literally the opposite of what Samantha wanted.¡± I was only half listening to what he was saying, as I put the new point into Athleticism:
Level -16 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
<( o )><( o )><( o )> What are you looking at? <( o )><( o )>
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Scooter Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Echidna Intelligence: ? Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: è Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®unCollide¡¯ back_door.bat Glitch Collision ¡®unHero¡¯ gasm.org Anti Heroism ¡®unHaunt¡¯ wannaCry Jumpscare ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯
¡°I was thinking,¡± Bee said. ¡°Unless there is some kind of inheritor system in place for Safe Zones, who becomes the new Owner when the previous one dies?¡± ¡°We could check out the Safe Zone Sphere,¡± I said, ¡°But it¡¯s probably her murderer who inherited it.¡± Bee gave me a strange look. Panda sighed loudly. ¡°What?¡± ¡°We should¡¯ve done that from the beginning,¡± she replied. ¡°Yeah, no shit!¡± Panda chimed in. ¡°I thought that was why we were heading for the stairs,¡± I said. We¡¯d chased the last guy down one of the narrower hallways of the second floor where shops lay on both sides. A sign in the ceiling pointed ahead to the stairwell. It seemed these smaller paths through the Mall weren¡¯t considered prime real estate, as there was only one Merchant in sight, with the rest of the stores here either shuttered or worthless Mini Dungeons. The Vendor also seemed like it was another Pawn Store, except without a guard out front. I¡¯d spotted four of them now, and it seemed their whole business model was to buy Players¡¯ items for a low price and sell them for a large profit. The first person we¡¯d tried to interrogate had gone into one to hide, which had been a smart move, since the Pawn Shops only allowed one Player to enter at a time. ¡°Where¡¯s the IKEA at? Samantha mentioned this Mall had one.¡± ¡°The entrance is on the bottom floor, on the northern side,¡± Panda answered. ¡°We already passed by it when you were hunting down the previous witness.¡± ¡°She was pretty fast, wasn¡¯t she?¡± Bee commented. ¡°I think a lot of people are putting points into Athleticism so they can outrun things,¡± I replied in disgust. ¡°Can¡¯t believe that my Furniture Fortification stopped both of them in their tracks. It¡¯s like they don¡¯t assume we¡¯ll try to stop them with magic.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a pretty normal assumption,¡± Panda replied dryly, then looked at me. ¡°Why do you want to visit IKEA?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Just figured it might be a big Dungeon. Everything else here is small stuff with no meaningful rewards at all.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll hit level 12 if we clear it,¡± Bee said. ¡°How about we find the murderer first¡­?¡± ¡°Fine,¡± I replied. ¡°I¡¯m kind of bored of playing Detective,¡± Bee said. ¡°It¡¯s too much work.¡± ¡°I¡¯m finding you two¡¯s lack of empathy for Samantha to be quite concerning,¡± the plushie said in a scolding tone. ¡°If you make yourself a big target, you can¡¯t be surprised when someone takes a swipe at you,¡± I replied. ¡°It was unfair how she died,¡± Bee argued. ¡°Nothing about this Game is fair,¡± I shot back. While we walked to the stairwell to reach the top floor and find the bathroom where the Sphere was installed, I stowed Brock away momentarily and pulled out a packet of the colorful gum. I unfolded the wax paper and sniffed the flat gum stick. ¡°It smells like a Thanksgiving Dinner,¡± I said. ¡°You sure you want to use that?¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯ve decided on what to combine.¡± I threw the gum into my mouth and bit down. A cascade of flavors hit me all at once, reminding me of the time, after a severe beating from the local police, when I¡¯d had to blend all my food in order to be able to eat. In this case, it was like honey-glazed ham, stuffed turkey, hashbrowns, salads with too much mayonnaise, a pint of beer, and a cheesecake were all blended into a smoothie. It was, unsurprisingly, very delicious. ¡°Yuck,¡± Panda remarked, making a sound like a cat trying to cough up a hairball. ¡°You can taste it?¡± ¡°Of course. It¡¯s foul as hell. Why do you like this??¡± ¡°I wanna try it!¡± Bee insisted. ¡°Get your own gum,¡± I told her, which made her frown. The expression looked strange on her humanoid moth face. ACTIVATING SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: ¡°Combine ¡®Giant-Slayer Lance¡¯ with ¡®Soul Blade¡¯.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re going for that, after all,¡± Panda said approvingly. ¡°I think the result is going to be a lot more flexible. Besides, Giant Lance is a bit too rigid and requires the target to stay still, probably making it useless against faster enemies unless I can incapacitate them.¡± ¡°Wow, you actually put a lot of thought into this,¡± the plushie commented, surprised. COMBINING SKILLS! One moment¡­ ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ ¡°For a moment there I was worried you might trigger an Adjudicator response,¡± Panda said. ¡°Might happen if I¡¯d tried using my ¡®Glitch¡¯ passive, but at least for now this should be a good ability.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s have a look first before you start celebrating.¡± I inspected the new ability and shared it with Bee before she could even ask.
¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ x
Unique Ability Why is your Soul shaped like a banana? Draw a blade formed of your own soul, the shape of which is unique to you, and which disappears after a single attack. It deals damage equal to all your Attributes combined and multiplied by the level difference between you and your target. By holding the Blade above your head, you can charge it to deal up to 3x its normal damage based on how long it is charged. If the blade takes damage, you suffer 3x the amount of damage as a result. Cooldown: 20 minutes If used to kill a Boss, the cooldown resets. This ability appears on your Appraisal!
¡°Higher risk, but also much more potential,¡± I said, nodding to myself in satisfaction. ¡°That¡¯s so cool!¡± Bee said. ¡°I want a unique ability too.¡± ¡°If we keep clearing Dungeons, you should be able to get one eventually.¡± We came out of the stairwell and followed the hallway in the direction of the bathroom, where Samantha had set up the Sphere. Before we even came out into one of the main paths around the central holes that allowed us to view the floors below, I could hear loud talking. When we came around the corner at the far end of the corridor that¡¯d previously been littered with furniture walls, a large crab shuffled past us, carrying heavy trunks and chests on its back. ¡°Howdy,¡± it said in a cowboy-like accent, before continuing in the other direction. I saw a large group of people standing in front of the bathrooms, and was unsurprised to recognize Steve amongst them. ¡°Coward didn¡¯t even leave the third floor¡­¡± I muttered disapprovingly. Some of the Players noticed us immediately and began pointing, saying things like: ¡°Those are the ones!¡± and ¡°They did it!¡± ¡°Why do I feel like we¡¯re about to have another mob on our hands?¡± I wondered out loud. ¡°Think about it from their perspective,¡± Panda said. ¡°The owner of the Safe Zone was killed, then you two started chasing after Players, turning them into monsters for level-up experience.¡± ¡°They shouldn¡¯t have run from us,¡± Bee said. ¡°We¡¯re the good guys, obviously.¡± ¡°I¡­ actually, I¡¯m not even gonna try to unpack that,¡± Panda said exasperatedly. ¡°Good job, Gambit,¡± he then mock-praised me, pointing to Bee. ¡°Look what you did to the girl.¡± I gritted my teeth, ignoring his jab, as we drew closer to the crowd. ¡°Don¡¯t turn your back on anyone here, Samantha¡¯s murderer has to be amongst them.¡± Chapter -73 ¡°Step aside,¡± I told the crowd in front of the bathroom doors. Altogether, there were sixteen people gathered here, drawn from afar either by the safety the top floor offered or Hawaiian Shirt Guy¡¯s magnetism. ¡°You know, I¡¯m thinking that Birthday Boy here has more than just simple charisma, because look how everyone here has the same expression as him.¡± Bee whispered, ¡°He¡¯s evolved into a Birthday Brat now, maybe that¡¯s why.¡± She shared the new appraisal with me.
Level 10 ¡®Steve¡¯ Player x
¡°Please stop saying ¡®Happy Birthday¡¯ to me¡­¡± Class: Birthday Brat Main Attribute(s): Vitality & Wisdom Everyone likes the Birthday Boy, right? But remember that spoiled kid with rich parents whose birthday you went to in 4th grade? It was a swanky party. The entire venue was rented out. There were arcade games and an indoor obstacle course. It blew your 4th grade pants off, because you¡¯d never been to a party like that before. But there was just one problem: the Birthday Boy was a Birthday Brat! He got to make the rules and come up with all the games that you played, and, somehow, that just sucked all the fun out of the party. And yet, you played along, because, well, it was his birthday¡­ That¡¯s what Steve has become. And yes, despite saving him from the mess of his own making, he still hates your guts.
¡°They¡¯re saying you killed Samantha,¡± Steve announced, stepping to the front of the group that seemed on the verge of turning on us. ¡°We didn¡¯t kill her, but we¡¯re trying to find the person who did,¡± I told him. ¡°Is that why you were hunting down and killing other Players!?¡± yelled a woman from the back of the mob. ¡°They shouldn¡¯t have run from us!¡± Bee yelled back. ¡°Guys, you¡¯d better chill out, before this turns into a lynching,¡± Panda advised. ¡°They seem extremely on edge.¡± Steve seemed to be enjoying being at the front of another mob aimed at Bee and I. ¡°We don¡¯t have time for this,¡± I told him. ¡°Move out of my way or I¡¯ll make you move.¡± ¡°At least tell him you just want to look at the Safe Zone Sphere,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Did that Panda just talk?¡± asked one of the people in the crowd. ¡°It said to look at the Safe Zone Sphere?¡± another repeated. Steve turned around to look at them, ¡°What are you talking about? What panda??¡± I grabbed Bee¡¯s wrist and pulled her with me into a leap over the heads of the crowd. Even with my full Carapace Suit on, it was now possible for me to do something like that. Before they had a chance to figure out what had happened, we went into the women¡¯s bathroom and shut the door. Bee twirled her fingers and half the interior flew over to block the entrance shut, as stalls, sinks, mirrors, and toilets crammed into a tightly-packed wall. Unlike when I¡¯d seen the Sphere before its completion, it now looked vastly different. It wasn¡¯t hovering over a toilet for starters, and the stall it had occupied was transformed into something like a computer monitor, except super retro, with a blocky off-white keyboard below. Inside the back of the monitor was the blue glow of the Sphere. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said out loud.
¡®Safe Zone Terminal¡¯ x
The terminal for the Safe Zone: Serenity Park Mall You can use the keyboard to query the Safe Zone or to initiate a Hostile Takeover. Warning: Hostile Takeover will make you a target for all Players, Enemies, and Merchants in the affected Safe Zone.
¡°Huh, you have to actually type the stuff you want to know into the terminal,¡± Panda surmised. That seemed simple enough, so I bent down and typed ¡®Safe Zone Owner?¡¯. There followed a loud series of beeps, while the screen scrolled with random text that seemed to excite Bee for some reason. ¡°I see a pattern!¡± she announced. Then the query returned with its answer. Safe Zone Owner: ¡®Liam¡¯ Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. ¡°Liam¡­ not as in Liam Johnson, the Chief of Police¡­ right?¡± I typed in the question and a moment later, the query returned an answer: Player ¡®Liam¡¯ Class: Local Villain Level: 10 Description: Former Chief of the Castleburg Police Department, he has now styled himself as a Local Villain, who preys on weak Players and sows discord in Safe Zones, while he and his goons profit. I ground my teeth so intensely that the sound echoed between the bathroom walls. ¡°That motherfucker is here!¡± ¡°Gambit, slow down,¡± Panda urged. ¡°Let¡¯s just take this one step at a time and figure out where he¡¯s hiding.¡± ¡°I know where!¡± I said, then stomped over to the furniture wall and tore it down, before kicking the bathroom door off its hinges, shooting it out into the hallway and startling several of the people in the nearby crowd. ¡°Ah crap,¡± Panda muttered. Screams and horrifying sounds of tearing flesh and breaking bones emanated from those players who¡¯d been close to the edge of insanity, as my jumpscare had sent them over and my Plugin ensured they became Insanity Boss Monsters, just like the two players Bee and I had hunted down earlier. Before pandemonium could kick off, Steve¡¯s voice rang out above the turmoil of Players transforming and fleeing down the two hallways, ¡°Steve Says: Everybody freeze!¡± Everyone, even the monsters, stopped dead in their tracks, myself included. It was as if my body just stopped responding to my own commands. ¡°What the fuck, Steve!?¡± ¡°Look what you did!¡± he yelled at me from where he stood near the center of the unfolding mess. ¡°I know who killed Samantha! It was Liam Johnson!¡± ¡°The Chief of Police?¡± he asked, momentarily wrongfooted. ¡°He¡¯s here! I¡¯m going to find him and kill him! Stop this dumb power of yours so I can go!¡± The monsters were starting to move, as were the Players. My own body began to slowly unthaw from his ability as well. But before I was freed, Hawaiian Shirt used the same thing again. Steve pointed to a Player, who was half-transformed into a bulky brute-like monstrosity, which had a bone exoskeleton with a horned skull face growing on top of the skinned remains of his real body. Then he shouted, ¡°Steve Says: Everybody kill that one!¡± I grumbled in annoyance, but felt incapable of ignoring his demand. ¡°Not good,¡± Panda said. ¡°His ability is using his Wisdom to overpower everyone, including you. It turns out that your Shrug Emoji Wisdom score is technically lower than whatever he¡¯s got.¡± ¡°I¡¯m unaffected!¡± Bee yelled from the doorway, looking around. Meanwhile, I had put my right hand to my chest and invoked my Giant-Slaying Soul Blade. Since Brock was now equipped on that hand, the resultant weapon appeared in the color purple. However, it wasn¡¯t the same shape as before. No, instead of a banana, I was now holding a¡ª ¡°Did you just pull a purple corn-on-the-cob out of your chest?¡± Steve asked, before Bee body-slammed him to the ground and stuffed a wad of toilet paper into his mouth, making him unable to utter another ¡®Steve Says¡¯ command. I lifted the corn-on-the-cob into the air, and the leaves unfurled, revealing the corn with its many kernels. It began to grow in length as it powered up and took on the shape of a large blade, like that of a Nodachi, except covered in kernels. And purple¡­ While two other players were pulverized by the monster with the exoskeleton, and three other Insanity Monstrosities were heading towards it to obey Steve¡¯s command, I managed to fully charge my Soul Blade. I swung it down in a diagonal slash, catching all four of them with it. The slashing blade travelled through their bodies without any immediate effect, and then it disappeared from my hands with the purple light it was made of returning to my body. ¡°Fakkin sick as!!¡± Brock said, taking credit since his purple curse had been part of the strike. That same purple curse appeared as a thin line on each of the four monsters, starting with the exoskeleton one, then the two which were like overly-long Police Fiends, and finishing with the last one, which was a blob of flesh with tiny arms and legs that had a massive extended mouth that fused head and upper torso into one piece. Then the bone exoskeleton monster exploded in a shower of gore that shot out in front of me and sprayed down the right hallway, hitting two fleeing Players from behind. The other three followed in quick succession, each exploding like popcorns of meat. ¡°Nicely done!¡± Panda praised me. ¡°Four boss kills in a single stroke!¡± ¡°Mmmhmhbbmhmmhmhbbbmmm!!¡± Steve exclaimed from where he lay flat on the floor, with Bee sitting on top of him. ¡°Hush now,¡± she told him, stroking his bald head. ¡°Hbmbmb!!¡± he complained.
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -17! +1 new Attribute Point available to invest!
Boss kills required for Level -18 2/3
¡°Brock is level 6 now!¡± With the four Insanity Monsters dead and every other Players having fled, I took the moment to pick Brock¡¯s next upgrade, while Steve struggled against Bee¡¯s weight and strength. It was clear he hadn¡¯t figured out how to use his skills without saying them out loud.
Brock ¡ª Level 6 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Sonic Attack Impacts produce a loud plastic shriek that inflicts temporary discombobulation on all creatures in a 20 yard radius. Static+ Moving around while Brock is equipped rapidly builds up static that is released as electricity damage on the next punch. Drain Air Drains the air from any target hit with Brock, which in turn inflates him equal to the air inside the target.
The third option seemed to be feeding into the same mechanism as the ¡®Pump It!¡¯ evolution that¡¯d added a valve to the wrist of the balloon gauntlet. I picked it and then reviewed the updated info about him.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and impacts twice. Doubled throwing speed and more accurate throws. Creates powerful blasts of wind when punching the air. Builds up static over time that is released upon the next attack. Can be inflated using attacks to drain air from targets, or by blowing into the valve in the wrist, in order to increase damage up to quadruple its normal value for the next attack. While this weapon is equipped, Purple2 is enabled. Level: 6 Boss Kills remaining until next Evolution: 3
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
¡°Check me out!¡± Brock squealed. ¡°Alright, time to go beat the Chief of Police to death.¡± ¡°You know where he is?¡± Bee asked, while Steve continued to make helpless noises beneath her. ¡°Of course. Nina told us so: ¡®The birdcage has a hole in the floor and the crows of death sing at midnight!¡¯ ¡°The Crows of Death are obviously the Police, or well, former police, since, y¡¯know, they swarm dead bodies.¡± ¡°That¡¯s kind of part of being a policeman,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Is the hole in the floor the elevator shaft without the elevator in it?¡± Bee asked. I grinned. ¡°Bingo.¡± ¡°Bee should probably stay here,¡± Panda said. ¡°What you¡¯re planning on doing isn¡¯t very child-friendly.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± she complained. ¡°Nah, he¡¯s right. Go wait in the Healer¡¯s Shop, I¡¯ll come find you when I¡¯m done.¡± She sighed. ¡°Fine. But I¡¯m taking the reward for the investigation!¡± ¡°Sure.¡± I rolled my shoulders, then jogged down the hallway until I reached a section where only railing separated me from the floors below. I vaulted the railing, while unequipping my gear, then yelled, ¡°I_CAN_FLY!¡± Wings made of my own skin unfurled from my back and I floated down to the first floor at a leisurely pace. Bee appeared next to me in the air, before overtaking me, as she floated a lot faster, and more gracefully, thanks to her moth wings. Back on the third floor, Steve had managed to dislodge the wad of toilet paper from his mouth and was yelling self-censored obscenities after us. A deep rumble was emanating from my heart, as the excitement of the horrors I was about to unleash on the Chief of Police began to fill me. ¡°You look really sinister, grinning like that,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Liam has no idea what¡¯s in store for him. I bet he¡¯s down below the Mall, in whatever hidey hole he¡¯s found, thinking he can just wait out the duration of the Safe Zone hotfix and then emerge as the new Owner.¡± My grin widened. ¡°I¡¯ll turn his final moments into a nightmare.¡± Chapter -74 I threw my available Attribute point into Dexterity, while I was standing at the edge of the elevator shaft near the escalators to the second floor. More Players were entering the Mall from the nearby automatic doors, while others were running past them and taking their chances with the world outside. I paid them no mind. ¡°Do you have an actual plan?¡± Panda asked, as I stared down into the darkness that awaited me. ¡°I don¡¯t need a plan,¡± I said, although I had a good idea of how I¡¯d torment Liam before I allowed him to die. This was the moment before a revenge I had long awaited, and I was savoring it as best I could. In the grand scheme of things, Liam was small-fry, and I was probably better off going after the Great Game Agencies that seemed intent on hunting me down, but, before I focused on the bigger picture, I needed the comfort of knowing that the two men who had ruined my life: the Mayor and the Chief of Police, were dead by my hand. Of course, there were many more than just those two to blame, but it was clear they had been instrumental in my downfall. Obviously, they had colluded to bring about the social unrest that had swept me and many others up and crammed us into jails and asylums, just for being people who didn¡¯t fit into their plans or worked against them. It was no big revelation that the poor and homeless of Castleburg were a nuisance that these two men had worked hard to eradicate. Similar stories happened all across the states, and I knew for a fact there was a bigger conspiracy at play. However, I would be happy to know that at least those two Villains would be dead soon. ¡°First the Chief, then the Mayor,¡± I muttered. I¡¯d tried to get to the chief in the past, but he was always well-protected, so I¡¯d gone for the Mayor instead, which was how I¡¯d landed in the asylum. ¡°You okay, Gambit?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just enjoying the moment.¡± ¡°¡­Right.¡± I took a deep breath, then I stepped off the ledge and let myself fall down the elevator shaft. I activated my wings immediately and began gliding down, while my Transition Lenses passive kicked in and made me able to see in the dark. The first thing I noticed was that the shaft went much further down than expected, but also that it just sort of cut off before reaching the bottom. There was a service ladder that followed the wall of the shaft and, where it ended, it was connected to a rope ladder that fell all the way to the ground below. As I floated down past where the elevator shaft cut off, I saw a great cavern around me, and, curiously, there was a large structure of cocoons taking up most of the space. It was an off-white color and seemed to be illuminated from within, though the rest of the cavern was dark as soot. ¡°It¡¯s a Broadcasting Department hideout,¡± Panda said, putting to words what I¡¯d just realized. Suddenly it was making sense how Liam had been able to kill Samantha, because, if she appeared on their screens, then they would¡¯ve been able to track her and learn her skills, as well as the fact that she had the Cheat Death ability, which I¡¯d stolen. However, that also meant they¡¯d have the bead on Bee and I. Panda nodded, in tune with my thoughts and agreeing to them. ¡°Quite ingenious, really,¡± he commented. ¡°Liam wouldn¡¯t have been able to clear out the Broadcasting Spiders here by himself,¡± I said. ¡°They weren¡¯t that strong, when Bee and I eradicated them, but I doubt he¡¯d be able to take out a nest this big alone.¡± After all, it was easily twice the size of the one that¡¯d been built under the amphitheater for the Weaponlution Event. ¡°The Safe Zone Terminal did mention he had ¡®goons¡¯, so he¡¯s probably not by himself. His Class was also ¡®Local Villain¡¯, so it seems likely that he has his own evil henchmen.¡± My feet finally landed on the cavern floor and I put my gear back on. I doubted that I¡¯d need Indestructible ability of my Swan-feather Cloak, but I wasn¡¯t going to take any chances with a bastard as slimy as Liam. ¡°Either Liam or one of his men must have some kind of flashbang or smokescreen ability,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°The quest from the two guards mentioned an explosion of light and smoke that obscured the murder of Samantha.¡± I grunted, not really that worried about what I might go up against. If Liam and his goons were actually strong, they wouldn¡¯t have resorted to ambush tactics. ¡°Ironic, isn¡¯t it?¡± I said. ¡°What is?¡± ¡°That once given the opportunity, Liam revealed his true colors. I mean, how do you even get a Villain Class?¡± ¡°Maybe he started out with it?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. It must be like the thing Steve got from picking ¡®Party Never Ends¡¯ and hearing ¡®Happy Birthday¡¯ 100 times, except evil.¡± ¡°Steve seemed pretty evil, ordering everyone around,¡± Panda argued. ¡°True, that is messed up that the System would give him an ability like that. He¡¯ll definitely misuse it. I mean, you saw how he only surrounded himself with women¡­ I probably should put a stop to him before he gets started.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t know you were such a chivalrous knight,¡± he antagonized me. I ignored him. ¡°I wonder if he could force people to do things like leave the Safe Zone or give him items.¡± ¡°Good thing Bee can withstand his powers,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Maybe if I cut out his tongue, his power will stop working?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not the solution I had in mind, personally.¡± We reached the entrance tunnel to the large spider nest that was nearest to the elevator shaft in the ceiling. It was kind of shaped like a funnel, and I couldn¡¯t help but imagine an enormous spider racing out to greet us as soon as I touched the web-made floor. After a careful prod with my boot toe, nothing happened. I let out a small sigh of relief, then marched into the building, while my swan cloak fluttered behind me dramatically. There were similar funnel entrances across the vast structure that took up most of the cavern space, but since there were no people outside, I guessed they were hiding somewhere within. ¡°You know, they might already be aware that you¡¯re coming and have laid a trap for you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s all under control,¡± I told him. ¡°Worst case scenario, I¡¯ve got my teleport-to-safety button.¡± ¡°Back Door is still on cooldown,¡± he told me flatly. ¡°Oh¡­ well, then I¡¯ll punch my way out.¡± Panda shook his head in disbelief. ¡°What are you gonna do if he¡¯s not here?¡± ¡°He¡¯s here, I know it.¡± The floor bounced gently as I walked through the reception of the Broadcast nest. There weren¡¯t any bodies anywhere, which was an uncomfortable trend I¡¯d been noticing lately. Sure, the bodies in the Mall disappeared thanks to the transformation into a Safe Zone, but I¡¯d never found out exactly what¡¯d happened to the other bodies. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. I entered the waiting room, which had a hole in the ceiling, just like the nest under the amphitheater. ¡°Hey, what do you think¡ª?¡± I was about to ask Panda, when a guy walked around a corner. He paused, blinked a few times, then squinted as if he wasn¡¯t sure he was seeing correctly. I didn¡¯t waste a moment, before loping forward and smashing my right fist into his chest. ¡°Get it!!¡± Brock yelled. Instead of sending the guy flying, his torso where I¡¯d hit literally just disintegrated into a red mist, before the top and bottom of his body just fell to the ground, slowly turning purple. ¡°Eh¡­ what the fuck was that?¡± I asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I think his health pool must¡¯ve been so small that your attack turned him into fine particulates before he could even get knocked back.¡± ¡°Feels a bit like some unintended physics due to my impact damage,¡± I said. The Drain Air evolution I¡¯d grabbed for Brock had, somehow, managed to steal some of the dead guy¡¯s air and the fingers on my gauntlet were slightly bloated now. I pulled out my Looking Glass and inspected him:
Level 2 ¡®Paul¡¯ Player x
¡°Sure thing, Boss!¡± Class: Henchman Main Attribute(s): Strength Paul was one of those people who appreciate others telling them what opinions they should have. As a result, he was primed to be a Henchman, Devotee, Waterboy, what-have-you. The nature of a tag-along¡¯s Spontaneous Class Evolution revolves entirely around who they decide to tag along with. In this case, Paul picked a Villain to follow, and thus he became a Henchman. He was always destined to die without fanfare, as the mob-character he was, but here¡¯s a fun fact about him: he enjoyed licking stamps before putting them on letters. This Player is Dead.
¡°Somehow I feel kind of bad,¡± Panda said. ¡°Hey Paul, have you seen¡ª?¡± asked another man as he came around the corner. I reacted immediately and punched the guy in the head, exploding it like a watermelon and venting the air I¡¯d sucked out of Paul, causing all of the gore to shoot away from me. ¡°Holy fuck, Gambit!¡± ¡°Wheeeew!!¡± squealed Brock contently, as gore and brain matter showered the web wall in front of me. I was still holding the magnifying glass so I appraised the second guy and got pretty much the same result, except his name was John, and his ¡®fun fact¡¯ was that he once got a parasite infection from licking a slug. ¡°Do all of Liam¡¯s Henchman enjoy licking stuff?¡± Panda wondered. I stooped to pick up their Leftovers. They had twelve Game Coins combined, as well as a caramel apple pop and two tootsie pops. I only took the money, leaving their fetish-adjacent candy behind for someone else to grab. Instead of heading through the tunnel both of the men had come through, I hopped up into the hole in the ceiling and found myself in a sort of ¡®ventilation¡¯ shaft, except it was tall and wide enough for one of those spider humanoids to move through freely, meaning there was plenty of space for me. As I moved through the area, I occasionally caught glimpses of the rooms below through slits in their ceilings. More of the Henchmen were milling about aimlessly as I progressed through the tunnel, and, from their appraisals, they were all either level 1 or 2. As with the first two, they had identical info and mob-character names, alongside a weird licking-centered ¡®fun¡¯ fact. After about ten-or-so rooms, one of them must¡¯ve found Paul and John¡¯s bodies, since shouting and panic went through the Henchmen like wildfire. I couldn¡¯t help but feel like the antagonist in a slasher horror as I observed them from above, totally unnoticed. ¡°Oy, Gambit, the way you¡¯re smiling is creeping me out.¡± Within half a minute of the commotion kicking off, two higher-leveled Henchmen appeared, heading towards the entrance, and I recognized one of them immediately. From their appraisals, it said they were both level 6 and former traffic cops in the Castleburg Police Department. I almost busted through the ceiling to kill them from above, but Panda stopped me. ¡°Eyes on the prize.¡± With determination flowing through me, I heeded his words and continued moving through the ventilation tunnels above the rooms. I began trailing a runner, who was seemingly delivering the news of the two Henchmen¡¯s deaths to their boss, moving through the tunnels above the rooms he entered. After what felt like ages, the runner came out into a large room full of monitors and speakers, where high-leveled Henchmen were watching other Players through the screens intently. From the headphones they were wearing, it seemed they could even listen in, which wasn¡¯t something I¡¯d noticed from the Broadcast nest in the Weaponlution Event. In the back of this monitor room sat a man on a leather couch, several half-naked women surrounding him and desperate for his attention. A tall imposing woman with a long black ponytail dressed in riot gear stood nearby, and was the only of the Henchmen who had a different role. She held a short tube-thing in her left hand and leaned against a massive greatsword that her right arm was draped around.
Level 13 ¡®Isabella¡¯ Player x
¡°I¡¯m yours only so long as the money keeps flowing my way.¡± Class: Bodyguard Main Attribute(s): Vitality & Perception The small Prison on the outskirts of Castleburg used to be this woman¡¯s former workplace. When the GREAT GAME started, she had to kill her way out of the Prison, which had transformed into a hybrid Dungeon, where only the inmates were transformed, while the guards and other workers remained human. In clearing a way out for her fellow coworkers, she killed so many transformed inmates that she was the highest-level Player in your region prior to the WEAPONLUTION Event. During the Event, she met Liam Johnson and he convinced her to work for him as his protector, and most of the GAME Coins he now earns go directly into her pocket. But she is worth every bit of it, and through her formidable power, he¡¯s been able to build his little empire. She is hostile towards you.
My eyes narrowed as I took in her boss.
Level 10 ¡®Liam¡¯ Player x
¡°Women. Money. Status. Nothing else matters.¡± Class: Local Villain Main Attribute(s): Dexterity & Strength The Villain Class is a fun one. Just like every Region gets its very own Protagonist, it also gets its own Villain. Although, unlike the Protagonist, the Villain isn¡¯t just handed out at random. No, it has to be earnt through truly villainous acts, which then cause a Spontaneous Class Change once a certain threshold is crossed. Among a Villain¡¯s toolset, is the ability to recruit Morally Evil Players to their organization, so long as their Level is higher. Though, as with his Bodyguard, Liam learnt that he didn¡¯t need to rely on just his skills to grow his following. Amusing how currency is still valued higher than moral integrity, despite your world falling to shit. He has evolved his Class into the ¡®Local Villain¡¯ variant, which gives him several bonuses while he¡¯s inside his Region of origin. He is unaware of you.
His large mane of dark-brown hair was full of grey streaks, and his five-o¡¯clock stubble suited his pudgy face and double-chin poorly. He wore a full dark-grey suit that was a size too small and he kept fidgeting with a large golden key, the same one Bee had told me about. A grin was smeared across his face as he watched a screen where a Player was fighting a losing battle against a Dungeon Boss, while his right hand was firmly squeezing one of the fawning women¡¯s ass. On the table in front of them were drugs, alcohol, and snacks. I gritted my teeth. It was unmistakably the Chief of Police, now styled as a wannabe kingpin and several pounds heavier than when last I¡¯d seen him. Before I had the chance to get the jump on him, Isabella looked directly up at me through the slit in the ceiling and raised the stubby weapon in her left hand. Just as she fired and sent a shower of molten shards into the ventilation tunnel, I shoved myself through the ceiling, landing atop one of the Henchmen¡¯s work-stations with a loud thud. I pointed a finger of my purple gauntlet at Liam Johnson and said: ¡°There¡¯s No Escape.¡± Chapter -75 Everyone let out startled yelps and scattered. The half-naked women hid behind the large couch; the Henchmen jumped back in surprise, before regaining their composure and drawing their weapons; the Bodyguard charged directly for me, unfazed by my appearance; and, unsurprisingly, the Chief of Police squeezed his golden key tightly and vanished into thin air. ¡­Only to immediately appear in the same spot he¡¯d just left. Before he could waste another charge of the key, his Bodyguard yelled, ¡°He used an ability on you Liam, just stay where you are while I kill him!¡± Isabella came at me with surprising speed, swinging her greatsword in a downward chop aimed at my neck. With a nonchalant step to the side, I avoided her attack and immediately retorted by driving Brock into her abdomen. ¡°Eat this!!¡± he yelled. In an explosion of air that made the entire room tremble, the Bodyguard was lifted off her feet and sent flying backwards. When she hit the web-formed ceiling, her whole body passed through it thanks to my Glitch Collision passive. Meanwhile, the air that Brock had expelled with the punch was refilled, and then some, thanks to draining it from her body. Liam made a sound as though he¡¯d just choked on his own tongue, before jumping behind the couch with the women who were already hiding there. The other Henchman had completely frozen in their places, as they all probably had expected Isabella to take me down. I panned around, grinning at them all. ¡°Boo!¡± I yelled, and couldn¡¯t help but laugh at the few people who let out squeaks of fear. Then I brought up my inventory and withdrew a single object. ¡°Oh¡­ that is mean,¡± Panda said. I placed the black whistle against my lips and blew air through it. Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has activated a Conspiracy Whistle. You have received +10% Insanity! The surrounding Players all wailed at the sound, which was a given. It was less of a note and more of a violation of their inner ear canals by the scraping finger of an eldritch creature. Unlike the first time I¡¯d used it, blood didn¡¯t spontaneously run out my nostrils, and, honestly, it was kind of nice. Almost like an itch I didn¡¯t know I had was being scratched. I blew the whistle again. You have received +10% Insanity! ¡°Someone stop him!¡± yelled a woman. ¡°I heard a voice!¡± someone else exclaimed. ¡°Everyone, stuff your ears!¡± advised a third. I grinned, then blew the whistle a few more times. Instead of a finger in my ear canal, the sensation warped into that of a long dexterous tongue tipped with small spikes. Blood began to dripple from my nostrils, while also welling forth from my tear ducts. You have received +10% Insanity! You have received +10% Insanity! Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! You have received +10% Insanity! On the fifth use, one of the women behind the couch let out a deepening gurgle, followed by the screams of those around her. At her transformation, several others were pushed over the edge and began to undergo their own spasming and writhing manifestations of insanity. It was similar to what I¡¯d witnessed when I¡¯d used the whistle to expose the Skinstealer during the Weaponlution Event. ¡°It¡¯s cascading, the fear,¡± Panda marveled, as all of those around us bucked and writhed. I didn¡¯t know exactly what controlled it, but it was clear that witnessing someone else transform into an Insanity Monster incurred an insanity gain in most people. For some reason, however, not all of the people in the room transformed, maybe because they were used to witnessing horrific things and had perhaps inflicted quite a lot of insanity themselves. ¡°Look at what you¡¯ve done!¡± yelled Liam, as he leapt over the couch and charged for me with a green-veined serpent-themed dagger that screamed ¡®venomous¡¯. I avoided his attempt to slash me with a few simple pivots of my upper body, then grabbed his wrist with my left hand and crushed it. He screamed in pain. I let go and gestured for the door with a grin. After all, the torment had just begun. Clutching his wrist, he ran past me towards the exit, while the boss monsters around us were tearing into those Henchman that¡¯d retained their humanity. ¡°Poetic, isn¡¯t it Liam!?¡± I yelled, as he ran out through the exit, only to somehow get turned around and arrive right back at where he¡¯d left. ¡°Let me go! If it¡¯s money you need, I¡¯ve got a lot! You can have it!¡± ¡°You really don¡¯t remember me, do you!?¡± I¡¯d watched the screens, and none of them were focused on me. There was one that was displaying Tina & Nina; a screen that had, until recently, displayed Samantha¡¯s corpse, though it was now dark; one that showed the Satyr known as William Twine; and another that displayed a guy in a strange otter mascot suit; but not a single screen showed me. And I knew from watching them before dropping down through the ceiling that they could cycle through the various Eye-Spy Drones that trailed Players. To Liam, I was a nobody. I couldn¡¯t comprehend it. Despite everything he¡¯d done to antagonize me over the years, I wasn¡¯t even a blip on his radar now. ¡°You ruined my life!¡± I yelled at him, as he tried to run out of the tunnel leading into the room, only to arrive back where he started. ¡°Let me go, please! I have a family!¡± I knew that he had two ex-wives, both of whom had divorced him because of cheating scandals, as well as an estranged daughter that was surely now in the ¡®Children¡¯s Zone¡¯ run by the ants. ¡°Fuck your family! You¡¯re the reason I lost Kevin!¡± I yelled back. ¡°Who?¡± both Panda and Liam asked, confused. At his voice, the former Chief of Police looked to my shoulder, just now noticing him. ¡°Why is there a panda sitting on your shoulder? And why does it talk?¡± ¡°Kevin was my best friend!¡± I yelled, ignoring his question. ¡°I also lost my fridge magnet collection, and I was evicted! All because of you and the Mayor!¡± There was a pause as Liam took in my words. Probably he was regretting his past actions and reflecting upon how karma had a wicked way of returning like a boomerang. But then he seemed to come to his senses, and an arrogant expression morphed his face into a sneer, while the last of his Henchmen behind us were torn to shreds by the rending claws and needle teeth of the Insanity Monsters I¡¯d manifested. ¡°You¡¯re the guy!¡± he then said, putting two-and-two together. ¡°You¡¯re the Birthday Suit Bandit! You¡¯re the reason why I kept getting death threats and bags of glitter sent to my office!¡± ¡°I actually never sent you anything,¡± I said. ¡°Oh¡­ well, I know you tried to attack me! The Mayor didn¡¯t believe it was good for his image to take you down, but he sure changed his tune after you stabbed him and killed his dog!¡± He was starting to regain some of his confidence, which wasn¡¯t exactly how I¡¯d planned for this to pan out. ¡°You killed his dog!¡± I replied. ¡°Then you framed me! I¡¯d never hurt an animal.¡± ¡°You literally just killed a Swan earlier,¡± Panda remarked, looking kind of bored with this anticlimactic battle of words. ¡°Can you just kill him already?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t listen to the panda!¡± Liam then insisted, suddenly remembering that I still had the upper hand here. ¡°And yes, I did frame you. I¡¯m sorry! But I didn¡¯t have a choice! They were rioting in the streets to have you set free.¡± I grinned to myself at the image. I¡¯d actually made people fight back at the local government through my actions. A last gut-wrenching scream emerged from one of the Henchman, and I turned to see the monsters devouring the bodies, while eyeing Liam and I hungrily. Instead of fighting them, I surged forward and grabbed him by the throat with my purple gauntlet. Immediately, the purple curse spread from the balloon fingers to the skin of his neck, while a crackling pop of Static made him yelp, and the Drain Air started siphoning the oxygen out of his body. I didn¡¯t want him to die immediately. That would be no fun. So, when the Insanity Boss Monsters began moving towards us, I brought out my longboard and kicked off down the web-formed tunnel. I headed through the rooms where many of his men had fled to, and others were cautiously entering, as though wanting to prove they had been on the way to help their boss, without actually contributing anything. My sudden appearance startled many of them, and the monsters on my heels drove several more over the edge and caused them to transform. All the while, Liam Johnson was struggling in my grip, the air sucked out of him and my gauntlet becoming bloated with every desperate inhale he did. He managed to utter a single strained sentence before he passed out from lack of oxygen. ¡°Why do I taste grape¡­?¡± Chapter -76 Liam Johnson was knelt on the cavern floor in front of me, his head lolling and muttered gibberish leaving his lips, which dribbled a foamy violet spittle. His entire body had turned purple, even the whites of his eyes, his irises, tongue, teeth, nails, and hair. The blood that ran from the corners of his eyes, from within his ear canals, and from his nostrils, all of it was purple as well. I had finally realized what Brock¡¯s curse did. It inflicted insanity. In hindsight it was an obvious thing, but I hadn¡¯t noticed since it didn¡¯t have an effect on me, as I was already past the upper limit. Although, due to my excessive use of the Conspiracy Whistle, I was now at 160% insanity. I had half a mind to use it four more times just to see what would happen, but that would be for later. Thirty yards away in front of us was the nearest entrance to the Broadcast Department nest that Liam and his gang had claimed as their own. It was in the middle of burning to the ground, as the rampant Insanity Boss Monsters I¡¯d caused to manifest had within their ranks a few fire-breathing types. ¡°Look at your little kingdom,¡± I said to him. ¡°Soon it will be nothing but ashes.¡± ¡°Do you really have time to be all melodramatic?¡± asked Panda. ¡°Just kill him already.¡± The balloon gauntlet on my hand was bloated with air and just a single finger-flick would devastate his body. But I had other plans than that. ¡°You¡¯re insignificant¡­¡± Liam muttered. ¡°You and all your ilk. You were like stones in the road towards greatness¡­ of course I¡¯d toss you aside. All I did, I did for my city. You¡¯re a nobody. The world doesn¡¯t belong to people like you, with your twisted minds, drug-addled bodies, and disregard for the order of things.¡± ¡°That¡¯s where you¡¯re wrong,¡± I said. ¡°This is no longer the world you know. This new world belongs to those who can look madness in the eyes and walk away unscathed. If you¡¯d believed in your own bullshit, you wouldn¡¯t have tried so hard to hide away down here, while surrounding yourself with meat shields to defend you. If you¡¯d given a shit about your city, you would have helped defend its people. You¡¯re nothing but a self-centered asshole who got too drunk on power.¡± A wordless yell came from the right, and I turned my head to take in the person who¡¯d called out. ¡°Right on cue,¡± I said, turning Liam¡¯s head in the same directions so he could see Isabella. I had no clue where she¡¯d landed after my attack phased her through the cocoon building, but it hadn¡¯t been a good landing, as she was limping and using her greatsword as a crutch. ¡°She too could have been a force for good,¡± I added. ¡°But now she will die with the rest of your empire.¡± ¡°No!¡± Liam screamed, trying to stop me with his feeble hands as I walked towards her. I easily shook myself out of his grip. Isabella paused, then gritted her teeth and lifted the greatsword off the ground. Her riot gear was tattered in places and the chest portion was caved-in from where I¡¯d hit her, but she was somehow still alive, which was impressive. She wouldn¡¯t last for much longer though. She lifted a hand and something like a grenade appeared in it, but, before she could even think to throw it, I pointed at her with the index of my gauntlet. ¡°.interrupt( ).¡± The grenade vanished and she looked at her own hand in confusion. I loped forward with long rapid strides, and, before she had the chance to react, I was within reach and sent an uppercut straight for her chin. The force would be enough to pop her head off her shoulders. Her body shimmered and she suddenly zoomed into me, pushing me aside and making my strike whiff. She continued towards where Liam knelt, while my fist hit the air and released a massive burst of wind, the entire gauntlet deflating as ¡®Pump It!¡¯ was released to empower the ¡®Air Blast¡¯. I quickly reoriented myself, then pointed to Isabella who was only ten yards from Liam and said, ¡°Gotcha!¡± gasm.org Activated! Ability Stolen: Defensive Charge Original Player: Isabella I followed it up with the words, ¡°Catch it!¡± and my body immediately started shimmering with energy. I shot towards Isabella, my feet skating across the ground while a sense of invulnerability flowed through me. She had collapsed in front of Liam, unable to react fast enough to her ability suddenly cutting off. Only a few seconds later I was right in front of her and already my fist was shooting down towards her exposed back. This time she had no defense and caught my strike square-on. Her entire body flattened into the ground and a loud crunch emitted from her spine, before the static electricity that¡¯d build up in Brock pulsed through her. She spasmed and contorted briefly, then went still. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. The purple stain quickly spread along her body from where I¡¯d struck, and I wondered if she¡¯d somehow survived despite it all, so I took a step forward, while Liam was bawling and crying out her name, then said, ¡°This is for Samantha.¡± My boot crushed her head like a watermelon. I AM QUIVERING IN ECSTASY! GOOD BOY. Liam¡¯s voice turned from a whimper and into a squeal, then took on some unholy note and grew several pitches deeper.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Father of Monstrosity¡¯ Caused a Boss Monstrosity to manifest.
There are some Classes that are truly devastating when turned into Insanity Monsters. Usually, this is proportional to the power inherent in their Classes, such as with Villains, Protagonists, Birthday Boys, and others you¡¯ve yet to encounter. These don¡¯t just become any old cookie-cutter monster when they go insane. No, they turn into something quite special. Normally, we wouldn¡¯t release this type of monster into the GREAT GAME until after the second EVENT, and it takes a truly astounding amount of heinous mental torture to purposefully manifest one of these, but, congratulations, you¡¯ve just created the first Boss Monstrosity your region has seen! Oh, and, be warned, these guys don¡¯t give a crap about Safe Zone boundaries. Good luck! We¡¯ll be recording your death!
Reward: ¡®Hooded Stitched-Skin Robe¡¯
Liam¡¯s voice continued to roar and deepen, until it stopped being a voice and became more like a tremble that vibrated the cavern floor and the air. I started backing away as I took in his transformation. ¡°You really should¡¯ve just killed him,¡± Panda said. ¡°I hadn¡¯t expected this,¡± I replied, ¡°But I¡¯ll finally have a real challenge!¡± ¡°What are you, a sadist!?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t just have my revenge, if there¡¯s no epic boss battle involved,¡± I replied, while I continued to back away. I began blowing air into the valve on my wrist, charging up Brock as much as possible, while the former Chief of Police continued to transform. His body was growing slightly taller, while his hair fell out and his skin melted off in fat droplets. Then hands of every imaginable skin color and size emerged from within his body, crawling over him like strange spiders and beginning to grab onto his legs and arms, where they quickly overlapped. More-and-more of these bizarre hands came out from inside of him, and soon his limbs were four times their original length and many times the girth. Then the hands began to overlap themselves on his torso, bulking it out and enlarging it as well, before eventually moving on to his head, which was turned into a large tower-like thing. All the fingers of the hundreds of overlapping hands began to move in some strange rhythm, making it appear as though waves traveled across his body. A few more hand-spiders crawled across his thick long arms, where they constructed large fingers that began to move with independent life. ¡°Well, that¡¯s just way too many fingers,¡± Panda remarked critically. When its transformation was fully done, the new Boss Monstrosity stood thirty-feet tall and seemed to emit its own pale-red glow, which lit up the surrounding area. Its long head wasn¡¯t too far from scraping along the ceiling of the cavern. I couldn¡¯t tell how it was able to see, as there were no visible eyes, but the way that it slowly swished its head around made me fairly certain it had some means of discerning its surroundings. Nearby, a few Players emerged from the burning cocoon buildings, only to spot the enormous monster and quickly turning around and heading back inside the burning structure. There was a palpable pressure being exuded from the Boss Monstrosity, and it reminded me of the Police Siren, but much stronger. I appraised it through my Looking Glass and wondered if perhaps I¡¯d made a mistake after all.
Level 75 ¡®The Lord of Sinners¡¯ Boss Monstrosity x
The Sinner¡¯s hand is poisoned with guilt, Its corrupting touch spreads the moral sickness, Leaving festering malignancy upon the world. Do you know how Liam Johnson gained his Villain Class? Well, let me tell you. He betrayed those Players who trusted him, again-and-again, all for his own gain. Some of the most insidious Demons took note of this and delighted in his work. They find amusement in the sins of humans, because to them it is not a choice to be vile, it is their nature. For humans it is a decision. One that many of your kind makes without remorse and this delights them so. This Boss Monstrosity is made from the hands of sinners who have died since the start of the GREAT GAME. There is an uncountable number still left unused. Enough to drown your entire region in corrupting sin. The servants of the Flesh Sculptor made this Monstrosity especially for Liam Johnson to inhabit, when he accepted his Villain Class. They do not care what havoc it will wreak upon your world, for to them the craft itself is all that matters. This Boss inflicts a moral curse and insanity on touch, and will seek out the nearest Player, not stopping its march across your Region until everyone is dead.
Chapter -77 WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has intentionally triggered a Boss Monstrosity to manifest, and the level 75 ¡®Lord of Sinners¡¯ will now seek out and corrupt all Players in your region unless stopped. It is currently located at ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯. ¡°I would say something like ¡®I told you so¡¯, but, to be honest, I had no idea this was even possible,¡± Panda remarked, exasperatedly. The enormous Lord of Sinners was releasing a hum that trembled the air and made me feel as though it was directly interfering with the rhythm of my heart. I lifted my mouth from the valve sticking out of Brock¡¯s balloon body, the fingers of the gauntlet like big sausages thanks to all the air I¡¯d blown into it. ¡°I¡¯m about to burst!!¡± he exclaimed excitedly. ¡°I¡¯m never touching that valve with my lips again,¡± I decided. ¡°Probably a good idea,¡± Panda agreed. Looking at the Boss Monstrosity, I was starting to think it hadn¡¯t fully ¡®initiated¡¯ yet, as it was just standing there without attacking. ¡°Do you think it¡¯s bugged?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°Maybe.¡± ¡°I might be able to knock it down through the floor of the cavern and out-of-bounds,¡± I considered, warming up my shoulder joint with a few rotations. ¡°Probably wouldn¡¯t work,¡± Panda said. ¡°Everyone who you punched through the world ended up arriving somewhere else, so if you did that, this monstrosity might just pop up down on main street or directly into the Mall¡­¡± ¡°Hm, I hadn¡¯t thought of that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m here.¡± I rolled my neck and took a step back, getting into a proper starting position. Then I kicked off and sped along the stone floor of the cavern, before leaping up off the ground and cocking my bloated balloon gauntlet back. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± I yelled and drove my fist into the center of its disturbing body of overlapping hands. ¡°Boom!!¡± Brock squealed in joy. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! SCRIPT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY DUE TO: unCollide.glitchCollision()! The impact, although not recursively increased by the ability, was definitely doubled in power, if not more, which, alongside Brock¡¯s absurd stats, his double hit, and the quadrupled power caused by ¡®Pump It!¡¯ reaching its max potential, meant that I did an absurd amount of damage. A sound like a double explosion emerged from the point that I struck, and the backlash flung me head-over-heels through the air, ending with me belly-flopping onto the cavern floor about twenty yards away. The center of the Lord¡¯s body now had a massive crater, and it had taken a full step back, which, due to my Glitch Collision, caused its right leg to get stuck in the ground. As a result, its entire body began falling backwards, down towards the burning cocoon nest. As it crashed against the structure back-first, its enormous weight raised a storm of dust and stone fragments from the cavern floor, as well as sending the squished web-made walls flying in all directions. A series of pop-ups followed, each replaced with the next, until this filled my vision:
Congratulations! You have leveled up! x
You have reached Level -20! +3 new Attribute Points available to invest!
GAME EVENT required for level -21 0/1
¡°Holy shit, I just got 3 levels from that!¡± I said, quickly putting two points into Athleticism and one into Dexterity.
Level -20 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Exit Code 3 x
---160% red. In fact, it''s so red that it started seeping into the cells below!---
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Racing Bike Mana: !?M ????§ñ??
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Death Adder Intelligence: ? Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: «H Perception: ¡®Yes?¡¯ Wisdom: ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ ¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®unCollide¡¯ back_door.bat Glitch Collision ¡®unHero¡¯ gasm.org Anti Heroism ¡®unHaunt¡¯ wannaCry Jumpscare ¡®Glitch¡¯ Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯
¡°It must¡¯ve crushed most, if not all, of the Insanity Boss Monsters you conjured. I don¡¯t think you¡¯re meant to reach level 20 this quickly though, since there¡¯s still 6 days before the next event.¡± ¡°Brock leveled too!!¡± squeaked the gauntlet, before a pop-up appeared.
Brock ¡ª Level 7 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Air Blast+ Punching the air creates a devastating blast of condensed wind that has a max range of 18 yards. Drain Air+ Drains the air from any target hit with Brock, which in turn inflates him by twice the amount of air inside the target. Static+ Moving around while Brock is equipped rapidly builds up static that is released as electricity damage on the next punch.
I picked ¡®Drain Air+¡¯. No additional level-ups appeared, and when I checked the requirement for his next level, it said that he needed five more boss kills. Another three pop-ups followed, but I dismissed them as soon as they arrived, not reading through them in the moment, as the Lord of Sinners was pushing itself up off the floor. The leg that was stuck in the ground broke apart, as the hands that it was made of just let go of each other, abandoning those half-submerged in the stone. The crater in its center was rapidly filling with new hands that emerged from wherever Liam¡¯s true body was hiding, repairing all the damage I¡¯d done. However, the purple taint of Brock¡¯s curse was slowly progressing across it. Many of the hand-spiders that¡¯d broken off from the right leg began skittering towards me. I stood my ground, waiting for them to get close, before kicking them away or crushing them underfoot. There was no blood within them, only brown sand, and their skin was like dried paper. One leapt off the ground and grasped my arm, sending a surge of energy into my body, almost like an electric shock, except it didn¡¯t hurt and seemed to cause no obvious damage. I tore it off with my gauntleted hand, before sending it flying into another that was skittering directly for me. They collided and both exploded in a shower of sand. ¡°You can¡¯t make me more insane than I already am!¡± I yelled at the hand-spiders that were still coming. ¡°Fak yiz!!¡± Brock joined in. ¡°What about the moral curse?¡± Panda asked, looking at the carapace of my arm where the hand had grabbed on. It was turning the reddish dark-brown plates into a dusty grey, with small cracks rapidly forming. ¡°I just turned an entire Villain¡¯s organization into monsters! I have no morals left to pervert!¡± I said proudly, stomping down on another hand-spider, as the Lord of Sinners took its first step towards me and sent a quake through the ground. ¡°Some might argue that was a virtuous move,¡± Panda retorted. ¡°¡­Ah, crap. That¡¯s really bad for my image, actually.¡± ¡°Since when did you care about how people perceive you??¡± I charged for the incoming Boss Monstrosity without answering his question, stomping down on all the hand-spiders between us, before leaping up off the floor again, while pressing my gauntleted hand against my chest and pulling out my Giant-Slayer Soul Blade. The corn-on-the-cob that appeared in my hand was purple, and I lifted it above my head, charging it as I flew through the air from my impressive leap. As I brought it down in a diagonal overhead slash, the blade formed of corn kernels was the length of my body. Since it was a fragment of my soul, I figured my Punch Harder might work alongside it, so I invoked the ability, before swinging the blade into the Boss Monstrosity¡¯s torso. ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! SCRIPT FAILED SUCCESSFULLY DUE TO: unCollide.glitchCollision()! A blinding light emerged as the blade carved through the overlapping hands. This time I wasn¡¯t sent flying, but instead maintained my momentum, such that I landed on its towering body as it began to break into two pieces, with brown sand and paper skin showering all over the area from the many hands I¡¯d destroyed. The top of the Lord¡¯s body fell over to the side, crushing the last remnant of the cocoon structure, although somehow the room that the Local Villain had used for watching other Players was narrowly avoided. The bottom half just fell backwards, with Liam¡¯s body poking out the top, a line of bright purple carved through his already-purple body. It was clear he had been the core holding the Lord of Sinners in place. But it wasn¡¯t over yet, for as the pieces fell apart, they broke into a tidal wave of hand-spiders, all of which rushed towards me. I quickly ran to where Liam¡¯s body came to a rest, punching his head with my gauntlet repeatedly, with Brock cheering me on. The Multiply Punch passive kept triggering, but it wasn¡¯t doing any significant damage. ¡°Kill him quicker! Hurry!¡± yelled Panda, as the hands began to crawl over us, forming a smothering cocoon that trapped me with Liam. No matter how much I punched him, it didn¡¯t seem to be enough, as though his attributes had climbed to an absurd number and my attacks weren¡¯t dealing enough damage. ¡°Why¡­ won¡¯t¡­ you¡­ die¡­!¡± I yelled between punches. ¡°It¡¯s not working!¡± Panda panicked. I felt a sudden sense of acceleration, as the cocoon of hands we were in began to move, no doubt thanks to having formed a body around us. There wasn¡¯t any risk of being starved of oxygen as far as I could tell, but that electrical sensation kept pulsing through me every time I touched the walls of the cocoon. ¡°Check your achievements, maybe they gave you something!¡± Panda then advised, beginning to sound desperate. I pulled them up and scanned through the rewards:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Boss-ticular Damage!¡¯ Killed 5-or-more Boss Enemies with a single attack.
We might have to reconsider what constitutes an attack and how Players are credited for them, as all you really did was knock over a big bastard and unintentionally squished several bosses as a result. However, this was a very popular moment that several Wrath Demons are proclaiming as the highlight of the GREAT GAME thus far, and that¡¯s despite the fact that a Chinese Necromancer is using an army of undead Players to try and eliminate all of the competitors in his regional WEAPONLUTION EVENT. Between you and me, I think they just really like seeing things get squished. Anyway, spectacular results deserve spectacular rewards.
Reward: ¡®Unique Skill Cube¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®?Level Up (-20)?¡¯ Reached Level -20
Seek the Truth, Glitched Prophet. Forsake this childish game. Follow the red light at the end of the tunnel. Destroy the System¡¯s chains. Let Chaos rule.
Reward: ¡®????¡¯
Congratulations! You have reached a Class milestone! x
Pick an option! You have reached the second Class milestone by reaching Level [?ERROR?]. You now have the choice between switching to a higher-quality Class or evolving your current one. An Evolved Class will follow the theme of your current Class, while a Class Change will be something new. Warning: changing Class will change your current Class abilities.
Change Class Evolve Class
¡°Should I try to evolve again??¡± I asked. ¡°That¡¯s a bad idea, I think! Check that weird one with the cryptic message.¡± With one hand continually punching Liam in the face, and the other scrolling through my inventory, I brought up the description of the ¡®????¡¯ item.
¡®????¡¯ x
Only those who have seen the Truth can access this item. Seek the Truth. Glitched Prophet.
Weight: N/A
¡°Okay, I have no idea what¡¯s up with that,¡± Panda said. ¡°Check the cube instead!¡±
¡®Unique Skill Cube¡¯ x
Contained within this cube is the knowledge of a Unique Skill. But to access it, you must first solve the puzzle.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Ah, what the fuck is this!?¡± I said, as I held the cube in my hands, pausing my punching for a moment to look it over. It was like a Rubik¡¯s Cube, except it had way too many segments, and instead of colors, it was full of strange glowing sigils on each square. ¡°I feel like Bee might know how to solve that,¡± the plushie commented unhelpfully. ¡°Alright, fuck it,¡± I muttered, putting the cube away. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°What I should¡¯ve done from the start,¡± I replied, as I began to unscrew the unCollide plugin. It took what felt like three minutes, given how awkwardly it was placed on my back. All the while, the giant Lord of Sinners was definitely heading somewhere, with the cocoon lifting into the air before tremors rolled through it. PLUGIN REMOVED. Terminating ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol. Uninstalling¡­ A cacophony of retro electronic noises emerged from within the plugin cylinder, before the final message arrived. PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! Then, despite my earlier words, I began to blow air into the valve attached to the wrist of the balloon gauntlet, much to Brock¡¯s excitement. ¡°I¡¯ll try to interrupt myself before I disintegrate my own arm this time,¡± I told Panda. The cocoon I was in suddenly began lifting into the air and I had a worrying thought pop into my head. ¡°Do you think it can get up through the elevator shaft?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°Let¡¯s hope not, although it might just break back down into a horde of hand-spiders to get up there¡­ You¡¯d better wrap this up quickly.¡± ¡°Third time¡¯s the charm,¡± I said, preparing to punch Liam with all my might. BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t even a catchphrase,¡± Panda commented. ¡°I think they¡¯re just bullying you now.¡± The bottom-half of Liam¡¯s legs were submerged in the mass of hand-spiders, with his outstretched arms buried too, while his body and head just hung in the center of the cocoon and moved around with every tremor of motion that rolled through the Lord of Sinners. ¡°You know, I don¡¯t think this Boss Monstrosity is capable of killing you,¡± Panda said in a pondering tone. ¡°I¡¯m fairly sure it¡¯s main attack is to turn Players insane.¡± ¡°I would definitely die if it stepped on me,¡± I replied. ¡°It didn¡¯t seem to be actively trying to do that though. I think the reason it was just standing there to begin with was because it wasn¡¯t sure how to get to the nearest sane Player.¡± ¡°So the fact that it¡¯s moving now is a bad sign, right?¡± ¡°Definitely.¡± ¡°Well, then¡­¡± I cocked my fist back. ¡°Oh my gawd, I can¡¯t wait!!¡± Brock squealed. With as much build-up as I could manage, given the confined nature of the cocoon we were inside of, I drove my fist into Liam¡¯s head, while uttering, ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! Chapter -78 ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± I yelled, halting my recursive punches after the last one had totally obliterated Liam¡¯s head and upper torso. The force of the impact was so strong that the cavity within the Lord of Sinners¡¯ body was explosively blown open and I was sent airborne, tumbling through the air. My arm was still in one piece, though the fingers of my right hand were broken and my wrist was fucked. After unequipping my gear through my inventory, I said, ¡°I_CAN_FLY.¡± Achievements, announcements, and pop-ups were rolling in, as I slowly drifted back down to the floor of the mall, where a vast pile of dead hand-spiders rose up to meet me. Liam Johnson, the Chief of Police turned Local Villain, was dead by my hand at last. But I had not been quick enough to stop the Lord of Sinners from entering the Mall Safe Zone. Roaming the hallways were dozens of Players who¡¯d been transformed into Insanity Monsters, although none of them were the boss-variants that I caused, since all had been created by the Lord and not through any actions of mine. ¡°No, this is definitely your fault,¡± Panda argued in response to my thoughts. Around the Vendor shops with guards lay heaps of dead hands and transformed Players, but those that¡¯d been without protection were not as fortunate. The Safe Zone would never recover from the fallout, and my image would be forever tarnished by the mass loss of life that¡¯d happened here. But, it was hard to feel bad about it, even though Panda was probably right. Samantha had been an idealist and Greater Good advocate, and look where that¡¯d gotten her: dead at the hands of another person with the same point of view. If I could do things all over, I would have told her to focus on herself rather than all of those who just wanted to leech off of her power and backstab her first chance they got. I saw Bee emerge from the Healer¡¯s shop, after she¡¯d no doubt seen the Region-wide announcement: WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has defeated the ¡®Lord of Sinners¡¯, but in its death it has left a sickness behind. Take care to avoid the area near ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯, lest you become corrupted by the lingering taint of Immorality and Insanity. Bee looked around, eyes scanning across the dead hand-spiders and the brown sand their torn-open bodies left behind. She quickly went over and looted a glowing wisp near the largest heap of the hands, before noticing me drifting down towards her. Then, with a simple jump, she leapt into the air and took flight, her large moth wings flapping lazily to bring her up next to me. ¡°Did you get him?¡± ¡°I did,¡± I told her. ¡°I¡¯m the new Owner of the Safe Zone now.¡± I brought up the personal announcement I¡¯d gotten and shared it with her: SAFE ZONE ALERT! You are the new Owner of the Safe Zone: Serenity Park Mall Method of Ownership Transferal: Murder Previous Owner: Liam ¡°Is it okay for us to stay here though?¡± she asked, probably wondering about the ¡®taint¡¯ mentioned in the announcement. ¡°We won¡¯t be affected by the Lord of Sinners¡¯ curse.¡± ¡°So it¡¯ll be like our private hideout then!?¡± she asked, excitedly. ¡°More like your private toxic waste pit,¡± Panda remarked scathingly. ¡°He¡¯s just mad that I caused a lot of people to die,¡± I said. ¡°It was just so unnecessary. You could have killed him without dooming countless people as a result!¡± ¡°Since when has that stopped me?¡± The plushie sighed. ¡°I need to visit the Healer again,¡± I told her. ¡°My hand is broken.¡± ¡°The quest the guards gave us should make it cheaper,¡± she replied. ¡°After I¡¯m healed, we should go back down the elevator shaft together. There should still be a lot of Leftovers to grab, since I haven¡¯t looted them all. Also, there¡¯s a Broadcast Department nest down there.¡± ¡°Really?¡± she asked. ¡°Yeah, it was even bigger than the one we found during the Event.¡± We landed in front of the Healer¡¯s shop and my wings folded down onto my back, though I didn¡¯t re-equip my armor, as I expected to take another dip into the honey tub. ¡°We have found Samantha¡¯s killer!¡± Bee announced to the guards. I nodded. ¡°It was a woman named Isabella who did it. She was working on behalf of Liam Johnson.¡± ¡°Thanks¡­¡± said one of the crustacean men dejectedly, his voice making it obvious that he thought the quest had led to the devastation of the Safe Zone. The other guard handed us a large Game Coin worth fifty and a small paper slip that looked like a child had made it with crayons, and which read: ¡°Healer Shop Discount Voucher. Come get the good goop!¡± I took the large coin and handed it to Bee, since she said she wanted the rewards, but kept the voucher for myself, before saying, ¡°I¡¯d like to see the Healer!¡± The dejected guard fixed me with a glare of his stalk eyes, then said, ¡°It¡¯s 100 Coins to get healed.¡± ¡°That¡¯s quite a lot,¡± I muttered. ¡°But, I have this voucher!¡± His gaze landed on the paper slip as though it was the first time he¡¯d seen it and not exactly three seconds since I¡¯d been handed it by his companion. ¡°That¡¯ll be 95 coins then.¡± I paused. ¡°Hah!¡± Panda laughed at my despair. ¡°I only need my hand healed,¡± I insisted. ¡°Price¡¯s the same, no matter how much healing you need.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a horrible business model,¡± Bee commented. I grumbled, but handed over the coins nonetheless. The guard took the payment and then stepped aside from the hole into the Wasp Healer¡¯s hive. Bee followed me in and the guards didn¡¯t even challenge her, which I thought was very unfair, though I didn¡¯t have it in me to complain about it. As we walked through the tunnel, I pulled out the Rubik¡¯s Cube reward I¡¯d gotten and handed it to her. ¡°Can you solve this for me?¡± ¡°Ooooh!¡± she exclaimed, as she took it into her hands. ¡°So many patterns!¡± I tried to pull out the ¡®????¡¯ item as well, but it wasn¡¯t possible, nor could I even share the description with her, which was odd. I also had no idea what its cryptic message was about, or how I was supposed to ¡®Seek the Truth¡¯. ¡°You¡¯re back again,¡± remarked the old Wasp lady. ¡°Your services are very expensive,¡± I told her. ¡°You seen any other Healers ¡®round here?¡± she asked me. ¡°Fair enough. I only need my hand fixed, but I¡¯ll take the full-body treatment, since I paid for it.¡± She shrugged, then indicated a tub with her cane. ¡°I took care of your dead friend,¡± she told us. I wasn¡¯t sure what that meant, but I didn¡¯t like what my mind was imagining. ¡°Can I keep my head above the honey this time?¡± I asked, pushing the images of Samantha¡¯s Wasp funeral from my mind. ¡°Suit yourself.¡± I plopped myself down into the viscous healing honey tub, with nothing but my head poking out, while Bee sat down on the papery floor in front of me and began muttering to herself as she played with the cube. The healing power of the honey was quickly repairing the bones in my hand, as well as mending dozens of scratches and bruises I¡¯d had no idea I¡¯d sustained. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡°I got these from Liam¡¯s Leftovers,¡± she told me, not looking away from the cube, while handing me a golden key and a large Game Coin. I accepted them and they immediately vanished into my inventory somehow. It was a pitiful 46 Coins and:
¡®Key to the City (Castleburg)¡¯ x
Rewarded to ¡®Samantha¡¯ for establishing the first Safe Zone in her Region. By squeezing the key tightly, the wielder can teleport to any place within their Region. Uses remaining: 2/3
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°I¡¯ve got an idea of how I¡¯ll use this,¡± I told her. ¡°But we need to go to the Broadcast Center below the Mall for that.¡± ¡°Wait, what are you planning?¡± Panda asked, for once not clued in to my thoughts. ¡°You¡¯ll see,¡± I replied with a grin. I¡¯d have more than just a simple revenge against Liam. The Key would unlock the way to accomplish that, but first I¡¯d need to make sure of something. Speaking of revenge, I began to look through my achievements:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Best Served Cold¡¯ You got your revenge.
So, you got your revenge at last. I¡¯m sure it felt great and that all your problems are now gone. Because that¡¯s what getting revenge is like, right? A permanent solution to your problems. The children and families of all those Agency workers you mercilessly killed know that revenge is a fleeting reward, but they don¡¯t care. They want their justice, and only when they are parading through the offices holding your cold entrails aloft will they feel satisfied.
Reward: A temporary sense of justice
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Oh Lordy¡¯ Killed the Lord of Sinners.
Boss Monstrosities are designed to be handled by a veritable army of Players working in unison to halt their destructive conquest across their Regions. But you slayed it alone by just punching it a lot¡­ It¡¯s honestly quite irritating to repeatedly witness you making a mockery of our GREAT GAME and its brilliant creations. I am sure the Flesh Sculptor will seek to punish you for destroying his beautiful child. Nevertheless, spectacular results deserve spectacular rewards, yada yada¡­
Rewards: ¡®unVirtuous Plugin¡¯ & ¡®Lord¡¯s Hand¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®I¡¯m in charge now!¡¯ Became the Owner of a Safe Zone.
You¡¯re the boss now, but try to not let this newfound authority go to your head. Or do, we actually prefer when Players become despotic psychopaths. Safe Zones are a frustrating feature that the ¡®Humane Extinction of Sentient Species Act¡¯ requires us to implement into the GREAT GAME, but all they do is protract the show and give us a lot of horrible B-roll drama of Players arguing with each other without murder being involved. Only Envy Demons enjoy watching that¡­ Anyway, here¡¯s a meaningless reward for your meaningless new title.
Reward: 3x ¡®Safe Zone Tokens¡¯
¡°Do you know what the Tokens are good for?¡± I asked Bee. She ignored my question, totally absorbed in the cube as she was, but the old Wasp replied, ¡°You can exchange those for services in the Safe Zone, or use it on the lottery machines in the hopes of getting special items.¡± ¡°Could I have used one for a free healing?¡± ¡°No. I run a proper establishment here, so no tokens. But you can use one to get a backrub by the Sea Urchin Masseuse on the third floor, or have a story told to you by the Wandering Crab.¡± ¡°Guess I¡¯ll just try my luck with the machines then,¡± I said, since none of the ¡®services¡¯ sounded that great. ¡°Just don¡¯t come crying to me when you get nothing in return.¡± ¡°Can I exchange them for Coins instead?¡± I asked. ¡°No. But I¡¯ll happily take your Coins if you want more tokens,¡± she replied with a sinister grin. ¡°I¡¯ll pass on that¡­¡± ¡°Better not get back into gambling,¡± Panda advised. ¡°You know what happened when you got really into collecting cards.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the same!¡± I retorted. ¡°The stores in the city were all clearly only selling the bad card packs, while keeping all the rares for themselves!¡± ¡°It was a dumb card game, just let it go already¡­¡± he remarked. ¡°Yu-Gi-Oh is serious business!¡± The Wasp gave me a strange look and I realized she couldn¡¯t see nor hear Panda. Before I could try to explain to her that I wasn¡¯t crazy, she just shook her head and made a big show of looking at the label on a bottle of maple syrup she was drinking from. I sighed and tried to push aside how Panda¡¯s goading made me feel by inspecting my new items, starting with the strange robes I¡¯d received from manifesting the Lord of Sinners.
¡®Hooded Stitched-Skin Robe¡¯ x
A hood robe of stitched-together pieces of skin. The worshippers of the Flesh Sculptor all wear robes like this in honor of his legacy, undertaking its creation themselves and sourcing the material from those they sacrifice in his name. Wearing this armor imbues you with the following effects: - 75% Elemental Damage Taken + 15% Physical Damage Taken + 100% Insanity Damage Taken - Insanity Monsters created by your deliberate actions do not attack you + An Absolute begins to take notice of you
Weight: 18 Pandas
¡°Definitely don¡¯t put that on,¡± Panda said, his voice sounding panicked. ¡°Avoid anything to do with the Flesh Sculptor!¡± ¡°Why? What¡¯s so bad about him?¡± I asked. ¡°He makes monstrosities like the Lord of Sinners for fun! That¡¯s what¡¯s wrong with him!¡± ¡°Maybe he¡¯ll consider sponsoring me instead of Miranda. She¡¯s a bit too blood-fetish-oriented for my tastes.¡± ¡°Sure, sure¡­ and then he¡¯d turn you into a true monster as payment for your services!¡± ¡°Fine, I won¡¯t put it on. Right now.¡± ¡°Oy!¡± he protested, but I ignored him and looked at the plugin next.
¡®unVirtuous Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Harvested from the festering corpse mound of the Lord of Sinners. Virtue is a sickness. Embrace Vice. Plugin Ability: Under.mine(Virtue) Plugin Passive: Immorality¡¯s Curse
Weight: 22.91820215 Pandas
I inspected the skills, wondering if they did exactly what I thought they would:
¡®Under.mine(Virtue)¡¯ x
Plugin Ability Virtue is a castle of sand, and all it takes is a strong enough wave to undermine it from below. Ram your index finger into another Player¡¯s body to increase their Insanity Gauge by 30%, while you gain 15% in return. If the Player reaches 100% as a result, they immediately explode and heal you by 30% of your max Health. All nearby Players, upon witnessing this, incur a 15% increase to their Insanity Gauges as well. Cooldown: 10 hours
¡®Immorality¡¯s Curse¡¯ x
Plugin Passive With a sufficiently-strong force of personality, you can make anyone agree with you over time, even if they are initially opposed to your point of view. Players with less Wisdom and Perception combined than your Strength value are slowly turned towards being Morally Evil for every minute they spend in your company.
¡°Goddamn,¡± I muttered. ¡°I should swap unCollide out for this.¡± ¡°¡­Yeah, just really embrace your new villain persona,¡± Panda said. ¡°Soon there¡¯ll be hordes of insane villains roaming Castleburg, all thanks to you.¡± ¡°Alright, time¡¯s up,¡± the Wasp Healer announced, before hooking her cane under my arm and lifting me up and out of the tub. ¡°Hey, I wasn¡¯t finished!¡± ¡°Your healing¡¯s done, so git.¡± I frowned, but allowed myself to be rudely ushered towards the door, while globs of honey rolled off my body and plopped down onto the floor. Bee got up and followed after me, though her eyes didn¡¯t leave the cube for a second. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll figure out what the Lord¡¯s Hand is for as we head down below,¡± I remarked. Chapter -79 Bee took her eyes off the cube for a moment, as we stood on the edge of the elevator shaft, looking down into the darkness below. The only other time she¡¯d looked away from it was to help me install the new plugin, much to Panda¡¯s consternation. By now, all other Players in the Mall seemed to have left, although perhaps a few had gone into hiding in the surviving stores or the IKEA Dungeon, which was sure to be like trading plague for cholera. Without a 3-2-1 or anything, the Moth Magician just stepped off the edge and let herself fall for several feet before engaging her wings to slow her descent. I followed after her and used my own gliding wings, while bringing up the inspection of the Lord¡¯s Hand.
¡®Lord¡¯s Hand¡¯ x
Familiar Hah! Bet you thought this was a Boss reward that would give you awesome new skills! Instead, it¡¯s the burden of caring for a living creature! Gotcha! This is a friendly hand-spider that only responds to the name ¡®Lordie¡¯. This familiar cannot be unsummoned and will stick with you forever. If it dies while in its current state, you will die alongside it. Additionally, it needs to be fed three times a day and is a very picky eater. After a set amount of time, it will mature and become a useful companion. This familiar appears on your Appraisal!
No sooner had I read through the information than a seven-fingered brown-grey hand with papery skin full of stitches popped into existence atop my head. ¡°Meow,¡± it said, with a sultry deep voice, sounding like Morgan Freeman. ¡°What was that?¡± Bee yelled from below. ¡°Uh¡­ nothing,¡± I told her. Then an achievement followed:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Adoption!¡¯ Found a Familiar.
Familiars are a rare type of non-Player companion, and you can¡¯t have more than one. Not all of them are as difficult to obtain as this one, but the requirements are always quite complex, though it¡¯s for a good reason. Because, if you survive long enough to see them mature, you will have a significant edge over your competition. But that¡¯s a big IF. Your life is now linked to your familiar¡¯s, so you must keep it alive or die alongside it. However, it won¡¯t die if you do and can be claimed by other Players from your corpse. And do try to keep it from starving. Part of the ¡®fun¡¯ of having a familiar is trying to figure out what it eats. By fun, we of course mean from our perspective. I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll be quite stressful for you.
Reward: The inability to ever go on a vacation again without worrying about who will take care of your pet while you¡¯re gone
¡°Ah shit,¡± I muttered. ¡°Congratulations, you¡¯re a dad¡­¡± Panda mocked. The fact that my life was now linked to the hand-spider atop my head was not great. Having to find food for it was also a kind of problem I didn¡¯t want to deal with. ¡°Do you think I can give this to someone else?¡± ¡°Doubt they¡¯d let you,¡± the plushie replied. I knew he was probably right, but I wanted to ask the Safe Zone Merchants, just to be sure. ¡°Meow,¡± said Lordie, the tone implying he was on to me. Bee floated down past the edge of the elevator shaft and immediately let out a gasp. I followed her down and saw what she¡¯d reacted to: a wall of fire blanketed most of the cavern, where the cocoon structure was still ablaze, as though the web material was not only highly-flammable, but also long-burning. And yet, despite the conflagration, the chamber at the back that Liam had used for the screens was intact. Almost as if it was kept safe by some kind of forcefield. I wondered if there was another Psychic Snail around and whether it kept the monitors safe. We settled down where I¡¯d killed Isabella, although her body was gone, with just a chunky bloodstain and a wisp left behind. While Bee went over to loot it, I reequipped my Carapace Suit and Swan Cloak. ¡°There¡¯s a full set of riot gear in here, a sword, and a firework tube like a Roman Candle. There¡¯s also six-hundred-and-twenty Coins.¡± The appraisal hadn¡¯t been lying when it said Liam gave all his Coins to Isabella. ¡°You should take the gear, I¡¯ll take the coins.¡± ¡°Okay. Do you want to look at it first?¡± I shrugged. ¡°What does the fireworks thing do?¡± She shared the inspection:
¡®Spark Tube¡¯ x
A tube that shoots sparks like firework, except the sparks are tiny piercing projectiles that can penetrate skin and light stuff on fire. Make sure you¡¯re pointing it in the right direction. Uses remaining: 1/5
Weight: 2.3 Pandas
¡°Eh, you should keep that,¡± I told her. ¡°I think I¡¯ll sell it, to be honest. Maybe the Pawn Shops survived the monster invasion.¡± ¡°You can thank Gambit for that by the way,¡± Panda said. I ignored him. ¡°Did you solve the cube?¡± ¡°I did.¡± ¡°So, what did it give you?¡± She sighed dramatically. ¡°A 3-hour timer¡­¡± ¡°For what?¡± ¡°For when it¡¯ll actually open up.¡± She pulled the Cube out of thin air and handed it to me.
¡®Unique Skill Cube¡¯ x
The puzzle has been solved, but the Cube will not open until the timer has expired. Time remaining: 2 hours 38 minutes 9 seconds Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°That¡¯s kind of dumb.¡± ¡°Yeah. But! I did get a new ability from studying the patterns on it!¡±
¡®Puzzle Lock¡¯ x
Moth Verse Ability Unlocked by a Moth Magician through studying the patterns of locks and puzzles. Manifest a puzzle lock on any door, chest, or thing that can normally be locked. If a lock already exists where you are trying to manifest the puzzle lock, it will be replaced. Cooldown: 10 minutes
¡°That sounds useless,¡± I told her bluntly. ¡°It might come in handy,¡± was all she replied. ¡°You might be able to use it to unlock stuff, actually,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°You know what also opens locks? My fists.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. He groaned in response. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°So, what did you want to do down here?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll show you,¡± I told her and led the way towards the burning cocoon structure. After crossing through the sea of flames by using my longboard, with Bee just flying right above it all, we made it to the monitor room, where I immediately began tearing open a hole in the roof so we could get in. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you could skate across the flames,¡± Bee said. ¡°His skateboard defies physics, apparently,¡± Panda told her. ¡°It¡¯s not a skateboard,¡± I remarked, then pulled myself down into the hole. I came into the strange ventilation tunnel and quickly found the opening I¡¯d made to get to Liam earlier. Bee was right behind me as I landed on a desk below. Despite the fact that the chamber itself had survived the flames, its interior had not gone unpunished by the monsters I¡¯d aggressively manifested with the Conspiracy Whistle. Only two out of twelve desks had survived, but we only really needed one. I kicked aside the office chair that had somehow been brought in from outside, then looked at the monitor. It was displaying a guy by the name of ¡®William Twine¡¯, who I remembered seeing before, as he looked like a demented Satyr and wielded a bow. He was currently running from a Humanbus that was full of arrows. ¡°You wanted to show me this?¡± she asked skeptically. ¡°Not this guy specifically,¡± I said, clicking one of the three large squishy buttons in front of the monitor to change the perspective. They were like stress toys made from egg sacks and produced a squelch every time I pressed one. I cycled through countless different perspectives in search of the one I was looking for, but I couldn¡¯t find it, even after a full two minutes. One thing that was quite obvious though, was the fact that it only showed people from our Region. ¡°Maybe there¡¯s a search functionality?¡± Panda suggested. Bee reached over and pressed the middle button and the perspective currently being shown on the screen was interrupted by text stating: WHICH PLAYER WOULD YOU LIKE TO DISPLAY? ¡°There¡¯s no keyboard,¡± I muttered, looking around for a way to enter in the name. ¡°It may be voice activated,¡± the plushie guessed. ¡°I¡¯ll try it: Display Player Liam Johnson on the screen.¡± DISPLAYING PLAYER: ¡®Liam¡¯ The perspective switched to a frontal view of Liam, the man I¡¯d literally just killed, sitting in a brownish-grey paper chair, with a light illuminating mostly just his face. He looked distraught, terrified, and tired. ¡°What the hell, I thought you killed him!¡± Panda exclaimed. A voice carried clearly through the speakers hidden somewhere in the monitor, and it was unmistakable who it belonged to: Our viewers would like to know how it felt becoming the Lord of Sinners. Anger shone through Liam¡¯s expression, as his voice sounded through the monitor: ¡°Why do you keep asking me all these questions!? And where¡¯s Isabella!? You told me I could see her!¡± ¡°What are we watching?¡± Panda asked, confused. ¡°It looks like the start of a snuff film.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a post-death interview!¡± Bee exclaimed in realization. ¡°Why can we view it on the monitor for watching Players?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem quite right.¡± ¡°And more to the point,¡± I said, with a devious grin on my face, ¡°Where is it taking place within our Region?¡± Panda blinked, somehow, before saying, in a very tired voice, ¡°I just realized what he wants to use the Key for¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± Bee asked. I pulled the ¡®Key to the City¡¯ out of my inventory, squeezed the handle and then proudly said, ¡°This.¡± A feeling like falling overtook me, with my surroundings turning into pure darkness. I had the vague sensation that I was moving upwards, though I couldn¡¯t really say for sure. I hadn¡¯t put a lot of thought behind exactly where the new Announcer would be located, only that if she did the post-death interview it would take place inside the Castleburg Region. Fortunately, the Key to the City was extremely vague with where it would allow me to transport, unlike my Back Door ability that required a proper mental image of the place. The result was that I could just tell it to take me to where the Announcer was located. And that was exactly where I arrived. Solid ground materialized beneath my feet, and it was akin to the floor of the Healer¡¯s shop, or Riii¡¯s broadcast booth, with a strange toilet-paper feel to it that didn¡¯t make any sound as I walked across it. I had arrived in the shadowy corner of a fairly-large round chamber, and in the middle was the chair that Liam was sitting in, a light on a stand next to him, and the new Announcer seated on a high stool with her feet tucked into her chest. Unlike Riii, she looked more mature and was slightly taller. Her dark-grey hair was kind of floating around her head and two long curved antennae sprouted from her brow. Iridescent green skin covered her body, with small bumps all over, and two long wings ran down her back and to the floor. Her eyes were iridescent blue and, despite the bored-sounding voice, they had a sinister look to them. I pulled out my Looking Glass to inspect her:
Level 60 ¡®Jeza¡¯ Announcer x
¡°Do what you¡¯re told.¡± Job: GREAT GAME Announcer Affiliation: Broadcast Department Unlike most other Wasp Announcers, Jeza is a professional who works for a tangible payment and always gets the job done to the exact specifications given. She doesn¡¯t spend too much time reveling in the cruelty of her job, though she does enjoy it, like any Wasp would. Her onscreen performances are usually ramped up for the audience¡¯s sake. There aren¡¯t many Jewel Wasps like her among the Announcers, and, thanks to both that and her stellar credentials from past jobs, most of her kin avoid her. To them, she¡¯s a freak for demanding payment, when she¡¯s already getting to make fun of people dying every day. She is wary of antagonizing you.
Despite the appraisal claiming she wasn¡¯t as cruel as other Announcers, I still remembered watching her on the screen of the victory lounge making fun of a guy who¡¯d been shot. I noticed how there were two thick muscular ghost arms hovering around her, similar to the ones that Riii had used, although obviously focused on strength over speed. I had the feeling that taking her down would be more trouble than her predecessor, even if they were the same level. Her voice filled the entire chamber, as she presented the next question. A Lust Demon asks: How did it feel to watch the love of your life die in front of your eyes? As if to prove the strength and speed of her ghost arms, she instantly reached out with one of them to grab Liam, when he tried to get up off the chair in anger at her latest question. ¡°Just kill me already!¡± Liam screamed. Not yet. The interview must first be completed. Then you can see ¡®Isabella¡¯ again, in the afterlife. He roared powerlessly, before a stinger suddenly shot out of Jeza¡¯s outstretched palm and pierced him through the shoulder. He immediately relaxed into his seat, as though the stinger was laced with some kind of drug like what they¡¯d used at the Asylum. Now that you have calmed down, please answer the question. I began blowing air into my gauntlet, while watching the exchange a bit longer. To my surprise, Liam became very forthcoming and sincere, as he described how watching me crush Isabella¡¯s head had made him give up his humanity. It was uncomfortable to listen to, but mostly because, even facing these questions after experiencing the loss of his love, his transformation into a monstrosity, and then death, he was still pretending like he¡¯d had any humanity left to discard. ¡°I think we¡¯ve heard enough,¡± I said to Panda. Without making too much noise, I casually walked up behind Liam and stood there, just outside the cone of light hitting his face. I wondered if Jeza could see in the dark or not, but she wasn¡¯t even really looking at the guy in front of her, instead reading strange text off of an old tablet in her hands. Something on it must¡¯ve caught her attention though, because she suddenly began to read aloud, while slowly looking up. Her blue eyes met mine and a small surprised grin appeared on her face. A viewer asks: Who is that behind you? Liam jumped in his seat, despite the calming spike still firmly-lodged in his shoulder. He didn¡¯t turn around though, as if I only existed if he could see me. ¡°Did you think I¡¯d let you go that easily?¡± I asked. Before he could answer, I formed the fingers of my bloated gauntlet into a beak and rammed them into the back of his head while evoking my new ability: ¡°Under.mine(Virtue)!¡± Although I had been sure the attack would kill him, I hadn¡¯t been certain that the ¡®Pump It!¡¯ effect from Brock would increase the power of the ability as well, but that seemed the case as his whole body immediately exploded in a shower of blood and chunks. Jeza and I were both covered, and the chair was stained entirely crimson. ¡°Meow,¡± said Lordie, and I looked up to see him also coated in it where he sat on my head. The Announcer wiped her hand across her face, then said: Thank you for that. I wasn¡¯t sure you would come. But, now that you are here, I have something to tell you: Find ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯. He¡¯s taking something precious from you right now. Despite feeling like I was on top and nothing could hurt me, a pang of dread shot through me at her words. Without even questioning it, I pulled out the Key again and had it take me to Bee. The moment I squeezed it in my hands, it exploded into golden dust that quickly disappeared. I went back into the darkness, while feeling a sense of moving down into the ground. Just like when Samantha had been killed, I feared that Logan had been waiting for Bee and I to be separated so he could strike and exact his revenge. Arriving on the somewhat-bouncy web floor of the Broadcast nest, I saw that Bee was still standing exactly where I¡¯d left her. I looked around frantically, but didn¡¯t see anyone. ¡°That was cool how he just blew up like that. Is that from your new plugin?¡± She paused and watched me for a moment, then asked, ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Bring up Logan Maximillian on the monitor!¡± Bee brought up the search functionality and spoke the query, making the display change perspective away from the bloody chair Liam had been occupying. As the new scenery came in, I saw that it was a small park near some luxury mansions. I immediately recognized the place, having once used the trees and hedges of the park to avoid watchful eyes. ¡°Is that¡ª?¡± Panda started to ask. ¡°He¡¯s going to the Mayor¡¯s house!¡± I yelled. ¡°He¡¯s trying to steal my revenge!!¡± ¡°Is it far from here?¡± Bee asked. ¡°It¡¯s maybe only twenty minutes on my longboard,¡± I said, ¡°But we have to get going right away!¡± On cue, a personal announcement appeared: FAMILIAR ALERT! ¡®Lordie¡¯ is starving! You need to feed your Familiar within the next 30 minutes or it will die! All at once, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion that dropped me to my knees. ¡°Gambit, are you okay!?¡± Bee asked, concerned. ¡°I need to feed my new pet¡­¡± She finally noticed the seven-fingered hand-spider sitting on top of my head. ¡°Meow,¡± it said. ¡°Why do you have a hand on your head? And why does it sound like Morgan Freeman?¡± Chapter -80 Since I was suddenly on a timer to feed my stupid new familiar, we went back towards the elevator shaft that led up into the Mall. I used my longboard, which miraculously hadn¡¯t expired while I¡¯d been busy killing Liam for a second time, to make my way across the still-burning cocoon structure. Thanks to the board¡¯s disregard for physics, I could grind across roiling flames and ramp up vertical columns of fire. Bee was flying high above, calling out scores for each of my tricks. I¡¯d never been very good with a skateboard in the past, at least never to the point that it would come to me this easily, so it was clear that the sentient longboard was doing a lot of heavy lifting. [GNARLY!] ¡°If I had picked the Vespa, do you think riding it would have made me fluent in Italian?¡± I asked Panda, who was clinging on to my shoulder as I flipped through the air. Lordie was sitting atop my head like he was a hat and seemed to have no issue staying attached to me, although his long fingernails were digging into my scalp. My front wheels hit the side of a coiling flame and I rode it down towards the ground, with a ton of momentum built up and the boosts from the many tricks increasing my speed. ¡°What??¡± he asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know. But you shouldn¡¯t be focusing on that! Think about what a hand-spider might like to eat. Your life depends on it!¡± ¡°You¡¯re only panicked because you think your life might also depend on it.¡± ¡°Obviously!¡± Bee floated down towards me, grabbing my shoulders to borrow my speed, while remaining airborne like a humanoid kite. ¡°Maybe it feeds on the same thing as the Boss Monstrosity?¡± she suggested. ¡°It was called the Lord of Sinners, so maybe sin is its favorite meal?¡± ¡°If that was the case, it would already be full to the point of bursting,¡± the plushie retorted. ¡°Oy. Hmm, actually no, you¡¯re probably right.¡± ¡°It has to be something profoundly-stupid, I¡¯m sure of it,¡± Panda remarked. While I was climbing up through the elevator shaft using the service ladder, with Bee flapping her wings just enough to keep pace with me, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder who had set Logan on the path to the Mayor. It had to have been someone that knew me well, or perhaps the Great Game Agencies, like the REPD and Minor Collectors, were behind it. Although it seemed unlikely that they¡¯d team up with a Player directly. ¡°You know what I think?¡± Panda asked, but was immediately interrupted by an announcement. I clenched my teeth as I read it. SAFE ZONE ALERT! The safety feature is now functional and acts of violence will result in forceful expulsion from the Safe Zone, as intended. If you have yet to receive your Bug Victim Compensation, you can contact our hotline by uttering the phrase ¡®Call Bug Victim Hotline¡¯. A Representative from our Bug Handling Department will get in touch with you sometime within the next eight business days, so do not hang up the call! I breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn¡¯t a city-wide alert that Logan had killed the Mayor and claimed the Safe Zone Sphere he carried. ¡°Anyway, as I was saying¡ª¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bad Boy¡¯ Failed a Benefactor Quest.
Benefactors aren¡¯t allowed to give Quests that cannot be completed by their chosen Players, so, if you fail a quest, it¡¯s entirely your own fault. Word of advice: if you survive your incoming Penalty, try to learn from the mistakes of the past and consider how much you value your own personal integrity versus staying alive.
Reward: Whatever your Benefactor has in store for you
Benefactor Penalty
This is a Penalty given to you by your Benefactor for failing to complete a task. You did not fulfil the requirements of the Quest I gave you. I am very cross with you, my Dear. While I normally would send one of my little Lustlings to flense the skin and flesh from your bones, a new problem has presented itself and you are uniquely suited to solving it. Your penalty is to seek out and kill Clive of the Nasty Neighborhood¡¯s Beneficiary, ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯. That vile gremlin gave half of my favorite playthings pustulant warts, so get rid of his new toy for me. Be a Good Boy and do not disappoint me a second time. Miranda
¡°Goddamn it!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Is this what you were trying to say?¡± I asked him. ¡°Yes! I knew this kind of development smelled of Demon dung.¡± ¡°So, this Demon named Clive is Logan¡¯s Benefactor and knew that I was sponsored by Miranda, so he¡¯s seeking to mock me by stealing my revenge?¡± ¡°Exactly.¡± ¡°I was sure that the Agencies were in on it too,¡± I muttered. ¡°They might be pulling the strings from the shadows, but I think they would rather get rid of you themselves. That being said, they definitely wouldn¡¯t miss the opportunity to strike while you¡¯re focused on Logan, so keep your guard up.¡± I reached the top of the elevator shaft and climbed out. ¡°But first, pet food¡­¡± The first thing we did was look for a Pawn Shop. There were fortunately several of those scattered across the Mall and no other Players should be hogging them, since this place was now like Ground Zero, thanks to the Lord¡¯s curse. As we walked across the mounds of dead hand-spiders covering most of the first floor, Lordie perked up from where he clung to my head and seemed to scowl down at the corpses. ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°Why does he sound arrogant?¡± Bee wondered. ¡°I¡¯m more curious about where his voice is coming out of,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Maybe he thinks he¡¯s better than his fellows, since he¡¯s still alive?¡± I guessed. ¡°Not for long though.¡± I ignored his jab, and instead wondered, ¡°Perhaps there¡¯s a way I can see his info through a verbal command.¡± Bee had tried to appraise and inspect Lordie, but neither had worked to give any deep insight other than: ¡®Gambit¡¯s Familiar¡¯ ¡°Try ¡®Familiar Status¡¯,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Familiar Status,¡± I said and immediately the System responded to it. I shared the pop-up with Bee with a single thought.
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 4%
HUNGER Starving
FAVOURITE FOODS ????
If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°That¡¯s kind of useless to be honest.¡± ¡°It might expand when he matures,¡± Bee said. We came to a stop in front of a Pawn Shop that, from the outside, looked like it sold adult toys. It was in large part thanks to the pink neon signs that stated things like, ¡®Deals that¡¯ll make you hard!¡¯ and ¡®You¡¯ll want to come inside, our store!¡± The walls and door were made of clouded glass and it was impossible to tell what they actually sold. There was a shrimp humanoid with way too many arms, or maybe they were legs, sitting in a lawn-chair in front of the door. He had aviator sunglasses covering his eyes and a sheriff¡¯s badge pinned to the middle of his chest of orange-pink overlapping carapace. ¡°Woah, woah! Only one at a time, folks!¡± he exclaimed with way more volume than was necessary. ¡°I¡¯ll wait out here,¡± Bee told me. The shrimp guard pressed a button and the door swung open, sending smooth jazz tunes out into the hall. I quickly entered and it shut behind me, trapping me with the music and the smell of latex. ¡°What ¡®chu got!?¡± asked a creature from within a metal cage that had a little counter attached to the front of it. I walked directly up to it without bothering to look around, as the inventory on display was entirely fishing related, with more than fifty different types of lures, some of which were clearly designed by people who didn¡¯t hunt regular fish. ¡°Do you sell pet food?¡± ¡°Sure do!¡± the creature said. It looked vaguely like a humanoid, but everything about it was wrong. Its skin was milky-white and translucent, its black dot-for-eyes were spread too widely apart, its smile was also just too wide, and it had six protrusions from the sides of its large face that were covered in red frills. Clearly, it was an alien. ¡°Gambit, it¡¯s an Axolotl. How do you not recognize that?¡± The Vendor placed a bag of dog food, a can of cat food, a banana, a fly the size of a frog, a frog the size of a fly, and many other oddities on its side of the cage. I pulled Lordie down from the top of my head and let him inspect the stuff, but he almost immediately ignored all of it except the can of cat food. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll take that,¡± I said and pointed to the can. ¡°Yessir! That¡¯ll be 60 Coins please.¡± ¡°¡­Are you serious?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a rare commodity.¡± ¡°I mean that¡¯s absurd. It doesn¡¯t even have a tab to pull it open!¡± ¡°If you want a can-opener included in the purchase, then that¡¯ll be 8060 Coins please.¡± ¡°What!?¡± ¡°Can-openers are useful in an apocalypse,¡± Panda muttered, nodding to himself. ¡°I¡¯ll just take the can then¡­ Actually, do you buy Familiars?¡± The Axolotl paused and looked at Lordie, who was bouncing on the tips of his fingers eagerly. ¡°I¡¯m sure he would fetch a good price, but you would have to die since its bonded to you. If you find another that isn¡¯t bound, I¡¯ll buy it though!¡± ¡°Worth a shot,¡± Panda said, trying to console me. I handed the Vendor the frankly absurd amount of coins and left the shop, with Lordie clinging to the arm that held the can in it. ¡°Did you find any?¡± Bee asked when I came back out into the hallway. ¡°Yeah, cost me an arm and a leg though¡­¡± I squatted down and tore off the lid of the can, but before I could even set it down or anything, Lordie had seized it from my hand and placed the ¡®palm¡¯ of his body over the opening. Loud slurping and gnashing sounds came from the hand-spider as it devoured the contents in seconds. ¡°At least he seems to like it,¡± Panda said. ¡°Let¡¯s see how much that did. Familiar Status.¡±
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 5%
HUNGER Peckish
FAVOURITE FOODS ???? ¡®Canned Cat Food¡¯
¡°Goddamn it.¡± Although I wasn¡¯t in immediate danger of Lordie starving and taking me to the grave with him, we still spent the next twenty minutes scouring every shop that seemed like it might sell edible things, since I didn¡¯t want to have to go scavenging when we went after Logan. But the entire time, Logan was all I could think of, as every minute wasted was a minute longer he could spend trying to steal my revenge. True to the first Vendor¡¯s words, cat food was impossible to source from anywhere, and we soon ran out of shops after going through the entire Mall. I decided to go check on the Safe Zone Terminal, since it might hold the answers, but on the way to it, we bumped into the giant crab with suitcases on its back. I remembered that the Healer had called it ¡®the Wandering Crab¡¯ and that I could use my tokens to have it tell me a story. ¡°Howdy,¡± he said in a heavy southern accent. ¡°Hey, do you sell cat food?¡± I asked him. ¡°Can¡¯t say I do, partner.¡± I sighed. We¡¯d officially tried everywhere except the Healer now, and I didn¡¯t think that Lordie ate honey, plus, that would be like a hundred Coins per serving. ¡°I¡¯ve got Familiar food, I reckon,¡± the crab then said to my surprise, before reaching back with his massive right claw and lifting a suitcase off his shell and placing it in front of us. Using his mandibles, he opened it and revealed that it was full of candy. ¡°Meow!!¡± Lordie immediately went bananas where he clung to the top of my head, and I had to hold him back to stop him from eating everything in the suitcase. ¡°Mhmm, little ones like Twizzlers the most,¡± the crab said. ¡°Are these safe for human consumption too?¡± Bee asked. I wanted to point out that she was no longer human, but refrained. ¡°I¡¯ll buy all the Twizzlers you have,¡± I told him. ¡°Eighty Coins sound fair, partner? I¡¯ve only got six pounds. And yes, little girl, these are safe for you to eat.¡± I handed him eighty Coins before he could change his mind and several bags in the open suitcase immediately vanished into my inventory. Compared to the Pawn Shop, I¡¯d gotten an insanely good price per pound. Before Lordie could rip my scalp off in excitement, I pulled a bag out and handed it to him. The hand-spider put it into his mouth and climbed down from my head to eat it on the ground. Using his finger legs, he opened the candy bag and began slurping the Twizzlers like they were spaghetti noodles. When he was done, he climbed back onto my head, apparently satisfied. We said goodbye to the Wandering Crab and continued towards the bathrooms that held the Safe Zone Terminal. ¡°Y¡¯all have a good day now,¡± he called. ¡°He was nice. Even though he called me a little girl,¡± Bee said, while chewing on some bubblegum she¡¯d purchased from him. ¡°What does the Hunger indicator say now?¡± Panda asked. I brought the Familiar Status up again:
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 5%
HUNGER Satisfied
FAVOURITE FOODS ¡®Twizzlers¡¯ ¡®Canned Cat Food¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Trials of being a Pet Owner¡¯ Discovered the #1 Favorite Food of your Familiar.
Taking care of a pet isn¡¯t easy. They can¡¯t talk and tell you what¡¯s wrong with them, so you need to figure that out yourself. Good job learning what your new Familiar likes, but, then again, you didn¡¯t have much of a choice. Hopefully you can bond with it well before the first Maturity Milestone Challenge hits. Good luck!
Reward: 20x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
¡°Who would¡¯ve thought candy was the answer?¡± I muttered. ¡°I don¡¯t like the sound of the Maturity Challenge though¡­¡± When we reached the bathrooms, I looked around just in case there were any Players hiding nearby, but the Mall was utterly deserted aside from the Merchants. ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking, Gambit, and don¡¯t take this the wrong way. But, why don¡¯t you just let it go? You¡¯ll end up in much less trouble if you could just let things stay in the past.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right¡­¡± I said with a heavy sigh. ¡°It was so long ago, and he¡¯s probably already dead anyway.¡± ¡°Exactly! I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re finally seeing reason!¡± ¡°Do you think they gave him a funeral?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°When he died. Do you think they gave Kevin a funeral?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not talking about your dumb frog, you imbecile! I¡¯m talking about the Mayor obviously!¡± ¡°He ruined my life, Panda. Of course I can¡¯t let that go.¡± Bee made a ¡®come over here¡¯ signal with her hand, from where she stood next to the bathroom door. ¡°I think someone is inside!¡± she whisper-yelled. I immediately pushed the bathroom door open, my right fist pulled back and ready to kill whatever monster had snuck in. ¡°Don¡¯t hit me!¡± yelled a familiar voice. ¡°Steve¡­? Why are you still here?¡± ¡°So what if I¡¯ve been hiding here since Samantha died!? Sue me!¡± Bee came in behind me and the Birthday Brat glared at her. She had after all stuffed his mouth full of toilet paper last they¡¯d seen each other. Granted, he¡¯d deserved it. ¡°What¡¯s your insanity at?¡± I asked him, wary of witnessing another Boss Monstrosity. ¡°Thirty-something percent,¡± he replied. ¡°I¡¯ve been too scared to leave, but supposedly the Pharmacists on the second floor sells pills to lower it.¡± We¡¯d visited that store, but only with the focus on finding cat food. In hindsight, I should¡¯ve looked through their various merchandise. ¡°Why are you two back here again? Haven¡¯t you ruined everything enough already?¡± ¡°I killed Samantha¡¯s murderers. I¡¯m the Owner of the Safe Zone now,¡± I told him. ¡°Then do something about the stench already!¡± he complained, immediately switching to angry tenant mode. The stench he was complaining about was the foul smell of blood that permeated the bathroom, as well as most of the hallways in the Mall where people had died. I had half a mind to punch his head in, but somehow managed by just pushing him aside as I went over to the Terminal. ¡°You might as well see if it has the ability to clean-up the hand-spiders,¡± Bee commented. ¡°After all, they don¡¯t seem to disappear like all the dead Players.¡± The moment I touched the Terminal screen, my vision became filled with overlapping boxes full of text. Suddenly, I was faced with something out of a building management Sim. I frowned at the information overload. ¡°Ugh. Bee, you do it. I don¡¯t want to be the Owner anymore.¡±
Ownership Transferal Confirmation Required
You are about to transfer your Ownership of the Safe Zone: ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯ To Player: ¡®Bee¡¯ Do you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯ without a second thought and she made a little sound in surprise, as the notification hit both of us. SAFE ZONE ALERT! You are no longer the Owner of the Safe Zone: Serenity Park Mall Method of Ownership Transferal: Abdication New Owner: Bee With a little hop of joy, she went over to the Terminal and touched her hand to it. She let out an excited squeal and said, ¡°It¡¯s like The Sims and Prison Architect had a baby!¡± Steve looked between us, before noticing Lordie. ¡°Why is there a hand on top of your head?¡± ¡°Meow.¡± I ignored him and told Bee, ¡°Don¡¯t take too long. I want to go get Logan before it¡¯s too late!¡± ¡°Just a minute,¡± she said in a voice that made it sound like she¡¯d spend a lot more than just a minute before she was done. A rumble was already rolling through the floor from whatever she was doing, and a peek out of the bathroom revealed that an army of Roombas were moving down the length of the hallways, cleaning the stained floor, walls, and ceiling. ¡°Are you going somewhere?¡± Steve asked. ¡°Can I come with you?¡± ¡°Absolutely not,¡± I told him. ¡°You should bring him,¡± Panda said. ¡°You just told me to give up my revenge, now you want to bring this guy along?? Make up your mind.¡± ¡°Who are you talking to? You know I can hear you, right?¡± ¡°Shut up, Steve.¡± His jaw muscles tightened, but he held back whatever retort that¡¯d been locked-and-loaded. It seemed like he really didn¡¯t want to be left alone, and I briefly thought back to the guy Samantha had killed when she set up the Sphere. His blood still covered the floor of the bathroom we were in. I sighed. ¡°Fine, you can come along under one condition.¡± His eyes widened in apparent joy, which was an expression that didn¡¯t suit his sourly face well. ¡°What?¡± ¡°No more ¡®Steve Says¡¯!¡± ¡°Of course not! I promise!¡± I considered how powerful his toolset might actually be, plus Bee and I lacked someone that could buff us up. Not that we truly needed it. But mainly, leaving him alone here would probably lead to him going insane, and we couldn¡¯t have that. At the first sign of trouble, I¡¯d personally take him out. And maybe keeping him close would steer him away from all the mess he¡¯d been up to in the past, although I had very little faith in his reformation into an acceptable person. ¡°You¡¯ve grown a lot, Gambit. I¡¯m proud of you,¡± Panda said. ¡°Stop that, you¡¯re setting up a major Death Flag right now. This isn¡¯t like the end or anything, so a lot of things can still go wr¡ª¡± Chapter -81 It felt like a fresh new day as we left the bathroom housing the Safe Zone Terminal and made our way down to the exit of the Mall. The floor, walls, and ceiling were all spotless and shiny after Bee had initiated some kind of mass clean-up procedure, when I¡¯d handed ownership of the Mall to her. Additionally, the air was much cleaner now, as the pervasive scent of death was gone. There were also new stores that replaced the ones wrecked in the aftermath of the Lord of Sinners¡¯ arrival, and one of them was similar to an arcade, with a sign that said ¡®Come spend your Tokens!¡¯ Inside were claw machines for various items and vanity stuff like plushies; Gachapon with each machine having a different category of rewards and rarity tiers; consoles with simple retro games that allowed you to challenge other Players and make bets on who¡¯d win; and several other types of pseudo-gambling and lottery-based machines and recreational games. Although I wanted to use my Safe Zone Tokens, we were in a hurry to get to the neighborhood where the Mayor lived, so we only made one stop on the way towards the exit: the Pharmacy on the second floor. Behind the counter stood a blue Axolotl, and I¡¯d noticed that many of the other Vendors in the Mall were of the same species, while the guards were generally some manner of crustacean, barring the one jellyfish on the third floor. This guy spoke in a heavy, and probably fake, Spanglish accent and had a pencil-thin black moustache glued above his too-wide mouth. ¡°I want some Sanity Pills,¡± Steve demanded, a tinge of desperation in his voice. I¡¯d already told him not to waste any time and this was the only Pharmacy in the Mall, so if they didn¡¯t sell the pills like he¡¯d claimed, then he was shit out of luck. ¡°I gotchu, amigo. One pill is fifty dinero. Comprendes?¡± ¡°Fifty Game Coins?? Are you out of your flipping mind!?¡± ¡°Everything around here is expensive,¡± I told him. ¡°Or maybe you¡¯re just poor,¡± Panda mused. ¡°I couldn¡¯t do anything about the prices,¡± Bee said. ¡°And the cut that the Owner gets from all sales in the Safe Zone is only accessible for upgrades.¡± ¡°Wait, did you spend your own coins on the clean-up and the new stores?¡± I asked, while Steve was in the middle of a ¡®Let me speak to your manager¡¯ speech. ¡°No, there were already coins inserted into the Terminal. I think maybe Samantha put her coins in there before she died. She was on her way to see us, so maybe she was going to ask about what upgrades we¡¯d have liked?¡± I wouldn¡¯t mourn Samantha¡¯s death, but despite her fake Greater Good spiel, she was definitely a better companion than the Birthday Brat currently living up to his name. Before he could get us banned from the store, I went over and tapped him on the back of his bald head. ¡°Knock the shit off and just pay for the pills, Steve.¡± He spun around, red in the face from yelling at the Vendor. In the background, the Axolotl seemed completely chill about the situation. ¡°Don¡¯t make me leave you here,¡± I told him, already regretting letting him tag along with us. That got him to immediately realize what he was doing and within the next five seconds he¡¯d purchased three pills and parted with a hundred-and-fifty Coins. Even though our System-enhanced bodies didn¡¯t need to rely on food as much and there were no bills or rent to pay, spending the Game Coins did feel a lot like spending sorely-needed cash. My bet was also that he barely had any left after the purchase, but if he ended up going insane then it didn¡¯t matter how many Coins he¡¯d collected. While he was taking the pills from the Vendor, Bee was studying them in fascination, muttering about the ¡®symbols¡¯. Her Moth Manic passive was making her quite odd. Or well, odder than before. ¡°You¡¯re one to talk,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Is there something wrong with them?¡± Steve asked her, not knowing why she was looking so intently at the pills. ¡°I¡¯m just deciphering the patterns,¡± she replied without facing him. He glanced to me for an explanation, and I said, without skipping a beat, ¡°You don¡¯t see the patterns?¡± ¡°Stop,¡± Panda said, although he was laughing, ¡°You¡¯re going to make him go insane if you antagonize him too much.¡± ¡°Let me see one of those,¡± I said, stepping forward and inspecting one. The pills were surprisingly-big and I got the uncanny sense that they were suppositories¡­
¡®Sanity Pill¡¯ x
Although there are many different ways to lower one¡¯s Insanity Gauge, they are often ineffective or hard to come by. As a result, the Merchant¡¯s Guild came up with this sanity-in-a-pill to provide Players a reliable way to stay sane. Just don¡¯t ask them how they¡¯re made. Lowers Insanity Gauge by 20% Uses remaining: 1/1
Weight: 0.5 Pandas
¡°¡­Yeeees, interesting symbols.¡± ¡°Gambit, stop imitating me. You can¡¯t even see what I¡¯m seeing.¡± This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°Actually, what are you seeing?¡± I wondered. ¡°It¡¯s like those memory games, but with 3D shapes that are constantly spinning. I have to study the rotations and matching pairs to decipher the verse hidden in the totality of the pattern.¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°I got it,¡± she then said a second later and stood back straight to her full height. Steve looked at her. ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask, but who are you?¡± He turned to me. ¡°Where¡¯s the beetle?¡± ¡°I was the beetle,¡± she explained. ¡°I evolved into a moth.¡± Again, Steve looked to me for guidance. I just shrugged. ¡°Don¡¯t ask me how evolutions work. It makes no sense to me either.¡± ¡°Speaking of evolutions,¡± Panda said. ¡°You¡¯ve still got yours waiting for you.¡± I began walking towards the door of the Pharmacy, while saying, ¡°I¡¯ll do it as soon as I¡¯ve dealt with Logan.¡± ¡°Who is this Logan guy we¡¯re after?¡± Steve asked as he fell into step behind me, not seeming to question that I was talking to something he couldn¡¯t see. ¡°Logan Maximillian,¡± Bee told him. ¡°The Madeville Trolls¡¯ quarterback?¡± I paused in the doorway. ¡°What?¡± ¡°There was a guy on the Madeville team with that name. I think he was also a model.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the guy,¡± Panda answered, even though Steve couldn¡¯t hear him. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re going to kill him before he can steal my revenge.¡± I continued moving out of the store and towards the nearby escalators. ¡°What revenge?¡± he asked, as we got onto the rolling steps. ¡°Gambit is going to kill the Mayor.¡± Steve halted at her words, and from the expression on his face it was clear he¡¯d had an epiphany. ¡°Fudge¡­ you¡¯re that guy! The nutcase with the screwdriver!¡± I clenched my fist and Brock made a small squeal in anticipation. ¡°Just my luck, picking you guys to follow! A lunatic and a monster! I never understood why Annabella was so afraid of you, but now it all makes sense! Man¡­ Of all the people, it just had to be y¡ª!¡± He was only two steps behind me on the escalator, when I spun around and uppercutted him in the groin. The sound that escaped his mouth was like that of a dog toy being stepped on, but there seemed to be no actual damage inflicted. It was lucky for him, else he would¡¯ve turned into a fine red mist. SAFE ZONE ALERT! Violent act detected! You have been expelled from ¡®Serenity Park Mall¡¯ and received a 30-minute Ban. A repeat offense will result in a 1-day Ban. I blinked and suddenly landed on my feet outside of the automatic doors to the Mall. ¡°Worth it,¡± I muttered. ¡°Fuck that guy.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bad Neighbor¡¯ Got Expelled from a Safe Zone.
To be utterly transparent, we support the behavior that just got you expelled. Unfortunately, the GREAT GAME is bound by several rules that govern how it functions, such as the ¡®Humane Extinction of Sentient Species Act¡¯ that allows Safe Zones to operate the way they do, despite putting a damper on the fun. If you manage to utilize your glitched nature to actually break the Safe Zone protections, then we will reward you handsomely.
Reward: ¡®Safe Zone Token¡¯
Bee came skipping out through the doors, while the sounds of loud pathetic sobbing echoed in the hallway inside the mall. ¡°Thanks for that,¡± she told me. ¡°I knew it was dumb to allow him to tag along, and look how much time we wasted because of him.¡± ¡°So, what now? How are you going to find Logan?¡± ¡°I was just planning on heading to the Mayor¡¯s house,¡± I told her. ¡°I actually don¡¯t think the Mayor is there,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°If he had been there, don¡¯t you think Logan would¡¯ve killed him by now? Also, remember how the announcement stated that the Mayor was a Roaming Boss? He¡¯s probably not just hanging out at home.¡± ¡°So? What other way do we have of finding him?¡± ¡°Look in your inventory,¡± Panda said. ¡°It should be the first item on the list.¡± I pulled up my inventory, and, sure enough, I had the perfect item right there.
¡®Wanted Poster¡¯ x
A wanted poster with no face or name on it¡­ yet. Allows you to mark another Player or GREAT GAME Entity anywhere on the world of ¡°Dirt¡± for a full day, making them visible to anyone from afar thanks to a beacon of light above their heads.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas
¡°I forgot I had this,¡± I muttered, before pulling it into my hands. Using the poster was kind of strange, as it manifested a red pen in my hand with which I had to draw the face of the person and their name. I sat down on the ground in front of the Mall doors, with the Serenity Park entrance just a few feet away, and began drawing Logan from memory. Afterwards I added his full name below. ¡°Huh, you¡¯re actually quite good at drawing,¡± Panda said in surprise. Bee bent over my shoulder to look. ¡°That¡¯s very detailed, but¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°She¡¯s probably wondering why it looks like you drew Danny DeVito,¡± Panda explained. ¡°I don¡¯t think the drawing matters,¡± I said, lifting the Wanted Poster up in the air to look at it. The pen in my hand vanished, and a moment later the poster vanished too. WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has marked ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯ as a Wanted Man and triggered a public Manhunt Quest! The first person to hunt down the Marked Player will receive a unique reward. To join in on the Manhunt, simply pick up one of the Wanted Posters that have appeared across the city. The result wasn¡¯t quite what I¡¯d expected, and having other Players join in could spell trouble. Although I would be lying if I didn¡¯t enjoy the idea of the guy being chased through the city by a mob of Players. I spun around to look for the pillar of light and found that it was in nearly the opposite direction of the Mayor¡¯s house. ¡°Where the hell is Logan going?¡± I wondered. ¡°Do you guys hear buzzing?¡± Bee asked. The drone of countless massive winged vehicles was coming from the north all of a sudden, as though an armada had taken to the sky the moment I stepped outside of the Safe Zone. ¡°Let¡¯s get going before they get here,¡± I said, bringing out my longboard. ¡°Is it the Agents again?¡± ¡°Something like that,¡± I replied vaguely, fully knowing what was coming our way. Chapter -82 [TUBULAR!] said the mouth on my sentient longboard, as I slid around a corner on just one wheel, before kicking off the ground and catching my wheels on the bottom of a truck that was knocked onto its side. Bee was high in the air, mostly just using her wings to glide, while keeping an eye on the Great Game Agents and their many flying potato vessels. ¡°You know, those probably aren¡¯t potatoes,¡± Panda commented, once again using his unnerving insight to spy into my thoughts. ¡°What are they then?¡± I asked, while skating along the roof of a limousine that was bent around an indestructible fire hydrant. [BLASHPEMOUS!] exclaimed the board under my feet, surprising me with its sudden word choice and volume. ¡°Settle down or I¡¯ll stuff a sock in your mouth,¡± I told it. ¡°They¡¯re dung balls,¡± Panda said. ¡°What?¡± ¡°I said, I don¡¯t think they¡¯re potatoes, I think they¡¯re dung balls.¡± ¡°Ah. That would explain why those Ant guys called them ¡®dung-eaters¡¯. But why do they have wings?¡± Panda shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t think they¡¯re following us!¡± Bee yelled from up high. ¡°But they have started heading towards Logan¡¯s beacon!¡± ¡°Maybe they lost the means to track you,¡± the plushie guessed. ¡°When I think back, they were only able to easily track me in the beginning thanks to the beacon I got from being the first to clear a Dungeon.¡± ¡°It¡¯s also possible that, with the Broadcast Department¡¯s nest under the Mall being destroyed, they lost their means to observe you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not completely destroyed though,¡± I argued. ¡°We never found the Psychic Snail powering it.¡± ¡°Still, whatever the reason, they don¡¯t seem to have a way to track you, although they could somehow tell when you left the safety of the Safe Zone.¡± ¡°Should I start to worry about being ambushed?¡± I asked. Just then an achievement popped:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Have to go quick!¡¯ Traveled 15 miles using a faster alternative to running.
This is a cumulative reward for every foot you¡¯ve moved while traveling above the average running speed of a human. We only really looked into the average human speed after implementing many of the monsters in the Dungeons, and we realized that the denizens of ¡®Dirt¡¯ aren¡¯t really that fast. Explains a lot of the early Player deaths as well. This is a band-aid fix to compensate for that, although our legal team says we don¡¯t have the copyrights to the actual reference, so this is a knock-off tribute. Surprising that, despite your entire world being in the grips of an apocalypse, Copyright Law still persists.
Reward: ¡®Schmonic Boots¡¯
¡®Schmonic Boots¡¯ x Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.
The shoes of the iconic, Schmonic the Molerat! You know, the guy that always says, ¡®Have to go quick!¡¯ Alright, this is a knock-off. What do you want from us? An apology!? Sorry! Okay!? We just couldn¡¯t get the permission to use the name S***c, and they¡¯ll slaughter us in court! Increases movement speed by 10% but reduces kicking damage by 50%
Weight: 3.85 Pandas
¡°Schmonic? Do they mean S***c?¡± ¡°S***c,¡± Panda said, but the word was bleeped as well. ¡°Even saying it out loud is bleeped¡­ that¡¯s odd.¡± ¡°Did you say S***c!?¡± Bee asked from the air. ¡°I used to love S***c, when I was a kid! Wait, why am I censored?¡± ¡°I got some dumb rip-off boots,¡± I told her, half-yelling so that she could hear me. Since the buff from them was pretty nice, I put them on. It was like wearing foam socks, and they had a pee-stained-white look to them. ¡°I just got an achievement too!¡± Bee announced. ¡°It gave me ¡®Schmonic Gloves¡¯. It¡¯s a 10% speed boost to spell-casting, but my punches become half as strong.¡± With the new boots on, and the fact that the speed buff from the longboard seemed to add multiplicatively, it meant that I gained something close to twenty percent extra speed, which immediately sent me zooming down the street. With my extra speed, I had to really concentrate on maneuvering the pile-up of cars, as well as fallen-over lampposts. In the distance was the hum of the beetles in their flying dung vessels, but it seemed we were closing in on Logan¡¯s pillar of light. It hadn¡¯t moved in a while, so either he was stuck in a fight somewhere or had made the wise decision of heading into a dungeon to even the odds. The road I was traveling down started to ease up on the congestion, though the cause was immediately clear, as I saw the oh-so-familiar deep furrow in the ground that indicated the Metro-Train patrolled through here. [ÌÓ¤²¤ë¤Î¤Ï¤ª¤ä¤á¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] The sound echoed across the wider Downtown area. It was spoken in that polite-but-horrifying electronic PA voice. I had no idea what it meant, but I was fairly sure that it was in the middle of chasing some Players. ¡°That Japanese Metro is hunting down a really big group of people!¡± Bee announced from the sky, where she had a better view of the upcoming streets. ¡°So long as it doesn¡¯t go towards the beacon, we¡¯re fine!¡± I called back. ¡°It moved right past the area. It¡¯s already level 91 though! It must have eaten a lot of Players!¡± Panda grimaced. ¡°Yeah, my bad, I maybe should¡¯ve predicted that.¡± ¡°Glad you¡¯re self-aware enough to realize the mess you¡¯ve caused,¡± he told me. ¡°They do need to take some responsibility for themselves though!¡± ¡°I guess that¡¯s fair. Even if you unintentionally led a bunch of curious people into the maw of a hungry-hungry train.¡± ¡°I think you ought to blame Logan, if anything. No one would¡¯ve been eaten by the train if he¡¯d stayed near the Mayor¡¯s house.¡± ¡°The beacon is right on top of a movie theatre!¡± Bee announced. She began drifting down towards me and I slowed a little to let her grab onto my shoulders and float behind me while I sped off with the longboard. While one of her hands was holding on, her other was casually petting Lordie, who began purring in a frequency that made my teeth hurt. ¡°I want a pet too,¡± she complained, as I swung left through an intersection, using the deep furrow in the asphalt as a halfpipe to keep building up speed. [RADICAL!] said the board as I popped out of the furrow and skidded to a halt on its nose, while standing directly on top of other end. I hopped off and the longboard disappeared. ¡°What the hell kind of trick was that?¡± Panda asked, while Bee relaxed her wings and settled down on the ground. ¡°No idea, maybe like an extreme nose stall or something?¡± In the front of us was an old-styled cinema with the marquee stating ¡®Louie the Laggard¡¯ in big blocky letters. The glass doors below the marquee awning were impossible to look through, but it seemed fairly obvious that Logan had gone in here. ¡°I wonder why he picked this dungeon,¡± Panda remarked. I held out my hand to the door and said, ¡°Inspect.¡± DUNGEON ¡®The Dark Theater¡¯ SNEAK-PEEK: Recommended Player level: 9 Average Player level: 7 Players inside: 6 Player deaths: 11 Enemies slain: 0 Bosses slain: 0 ¡°Hm, only level 9. That shouldn¡¯t be too bad.¡± ¡°I feel like the level scale is a bad indicator. I mean, look at the amount of deaths. Also, the text on the marquee must mean something, right?¡± the plushie replied. ¡°The deaths are probably because of Logan,¡± Bee commented after inspecting the entrance as well. ¡°Let¡¯s just enter,¡± I said, impatiently. Before anyone could stop me with convincing logic, I pushed the doors open and crossed the threshold. My surroundings were swallowed by darkness. WARNING! Now entering level 9 Dungeon ¡®The Dark Theater¡¯! Chapter -83 It was incredibly-dark where I ended up, though in the distance I saw a single faint spotlight hit what looked like a stage. The room I was in was enormous, with seemingly forty feet to the ceiling, if not more, though it was hard to tell. Then my ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ Passive kicked in and I saw my surroundings cast in dark-grey shadows with slightly-lighter tones drawing out the contours of everything. I was standing near the back of the seating area in the middle of a large theatre hall, with something like forty rows stretching out in front of me. Directly behind and above me was a raised seating area with about eight rows, and on the sides of the large theatre hall were the VIP seats in raised ¡®booths¡¯. The stage had a wooden floor and there were large red curtains draping down from the ceiling obscuring its sides, as well as a small pit directly in front of it for the orchestra. But there were no performers on stage nor any musicians in the pit. However, an audience, so to speak, was in attendance. Around me, in the various sections of the theatre were other Players. All of them standing stock-still and wearing panicked expressions. None of them seemed like they could see me very well, but they were looking in my direction, maybe because they¡¯d heard me arrive. I scanned the faces. None of them looked like Bee or Logan. ¡°I wonder why everyone is standing still like that, all quiet like?¡± Panda said. ¡°Bee!? Where are you?¡± I yelled, my voice echoing through the entire theatre. Every nearby Player twitched at the sound, and one even looked directly at me and raised a finger in front of his mouth. ¡°I think they want you to be quiet,¡± Panda interpreted. ¡°Why are you all acting so weird?¡± I asked the guy. Instead of replying, he started very slowly backing away. Just then a shadow fell from behind one of the tall curtains and landed on the stage with a loud thud, just on the fringe of the dim spotlight. Its large wet nose sniffled the air with great big huffs. ¡°Is that a bat?¡± I asked. Immediately, two parasol-sized flappy ears stiffened behind its round head and it looked directly at me with its eyeless face. SHRIEK!! The enormous bat leapt from the stage with a single flap of its leathery wings, aiming its clawed feet at my chest. I dodgerolled forward, just in time for it to pass through me and flatten the nearby seats. As its back was turned to me, I spun around and moved towards it with a powerful hook. ¡°Eat shit!!¡± Brock squealed. My purple balloon gauntlet passed right through the bat, as though it was made of shadow, and the monster immediately turned around and dug its right claw into my Carapace Suit¡¯s chestplate. With a powerful kick, it tossed me high into the air, then leapt from the ground with a single beat of its massive wings, before catching me in its feet and crashing me into six of the seats nearer to the stage with enough power to knock all the air out of me and cratering the floor. Its weight bore down on me as its feet stepped on my back. ¡°Don¡¯t make a sound!¡± Panda urged and I obliged him, although mainly because I couldn¡¯t really do anything else. ¡°You¡¯ve lost about 20% of your health. Well, more like 21.098% to be precise.¡± With a thought I brought up my current health points:
Gambit¡¯s Condition Health: Non-Goodn¡¯t / Isn¡¯t it Great? Mana: !?M ????§ñ?? If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
¡°Not sure what you expected from that,¡± Panda commented. I tried to blink in Morse code to ask him an important question. He didn¡¯t even look, but seemed to read my thoughts, as he said, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Lordie is fine. He¡¯s chilling on your head still.¡± After a long minute, the bat eased off the pressure on my back and returned to the stage with a beat of its wings, perhaps thinking I was dead. With its weight gone, I allowed myself a deep breath. Although it was probably a bad idea, I eased myself back onto my feet and quickly pulled my Looking Glass out of my inventory to appraise the monster that¡¯d just suplexed me.
Level 9 ¡®Louie the Laggard¡¯ Boss x
¡°SHRIEK!!¡± When Demons keep pets, they always grow to have the same bad habits as their owners. Well, it just so happens that Louie, a Dwarf Nightwing, was raised by Glool, a Squire-Lord of Perpetual Procrastination. Glool, being a Sloth Demon, reacted poorly to anyone trying to disturb him in his nest and therefore taught his little Nightwing to aggressively attack anyone uninvited. Glool was eaten by his big brother during a two-hundred-year-long slumber party and thus his pet, Louie, was auctioned off to the GREAT GAME. When we find creatures with interesting gimmicks, we usually employ our Creature Cloning Department to make use of them in as many places as possible, though we tend to keep just one clone per Region, so as to not overdo it. Anyway. Nightwings are interesting creatures. They cannot be harmed or even touched while immersed in darkness, though they can interact with the world normally enough. This makes them quite tricky to fight. Which is our way of letting you know that the objective of this Dungeon isn¡¯t to win this fight normally.
¡°I think the gimmick is the light!¡± Panda said, pointing to the stage. Getting there wouldn¡¯t be easy though. Wind brushed my hair, while I was watching the enormous bat retreat back behind the large curtains, and I turned around instinctively, just in time to see Bee floating down from one of the VIP seats high above. ¡°You okay?¡± she mouthed wordlessly, after alighting gently atop the backrest of a seat in front of me. ¡°Big bat, no hit,¡± I mouthed. ¡°You don¡¯t need to smack your lips like that,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Also, why did you go caveman?¡± ¡°See Logan?¡± She shook her head. I looked around us and started to count Players. There were only five of them and none of the five were Logan. The Sneak-Peek I¡¯d done before entering had stated six, which meant that the Heroic Savior was hiding somewhere, potentially in a spot where he could pick off the Players that entered. ¡°How are you able to see in the dark?¡± Panda asked Bee. ¡°Because I¡¯m a moth,¡± she replied, and it was hard to argue with that. I guessed it didn¡¯t show up as a Passive, since she was quite literally transformed into a different kind of creature and thus all the effects were inherent within that. Just like how becoming a Beetle hadn¡¯t given her a Passive called ¡®exoskeleton¡¯, but it¡¯d just been there as part of the transformation. ¡°There are a few dead Players in the raised seating area in the back, as well as in the upper VIP sections. Those in the back seem to have been crushed by Louie, while the others were killed with some kind of rotting sickness. I arrived right next to someone who looked like they¡¯d melted from the inside out.¡± ¡°Your mouthing, good,¡± I said, surprised I was even able to get all of that from just watching her lips move. ¡°Maybe he¡¯s hiding in one of the VIP booths,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Unless there¡¯s hallways to hide in?¡± Bee shook her head. ¡°No hallways or backstage areas that I could see.¡± I began scanning the upper booths that looked down on all the other seats and the stage. The moment I spotted some movement, a nearby Player began screaming, which caused the bat to drop down from the curtain again. The guy had been hit with some kind of crystal dart in the neck and it was pumping a vile-looking green-glowing poison into him, which lit up his veins as it filtered through his body. Just like Bee had described, the guy started melting from within, which was quite a horrible way to go. Sort of like a human candle, but instead of candlewax dripping everywhere, it was liquified everything, even bones, if I was seeing correctly. Perhaps realizing they were sitting ducks, and capitalizing on the noise made by the melting Player, everyone else began to move towards the edges of the rows of seats to give themselves some cover. Though obviously none of them could see in the dark, but it also seemed that the Dart-Sniper, Logan if I had to guess, was unable to see clearly. SHRIEK!! A loud crunchy thud sounded as the Nightwing bat landed on the melting Player and pulverized the remains of his body. I pointed up towards where I¡¯d seen the movement, but before I could mouth the words ¡®Let¡¯s go!¡¯, a can of beans flew through the air, catching our attention. Looking at the can turned out to be a bad decision, as it suddenly erupted with the glare of a thousand suns. WARNING! You have been blinded and cannot see! Time remaining: 2(X - 4) (9 + X) - X2 = 4X Chapter -84 My vision went completely white and the concussive blast of the flashbang made all the sounds around me garbled and weird. High-pitched screams and panicked shouts, crunching impacts and tearing fabric, tremors from stomping and magical blasts, all of these sounds melded together into a soup of incoherent noise. ¡°Throw yourself to the left!¡± Panda yelled, his voice cutting through the noise. Before I could heed his advice, a sharp pain pierced the right side of my clavicle, near to the hole for my plugin. Dumbly, I threw myself onto the floor a second after, before grasping for the sharp sides of the hard piece of glass stuck in my body. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®The Nasty Neighborhood¡¯s Concoction¡¯! Time remaining: N/A It came loose with just a couple tugs and I threw it away, but I could already feel a pulsing pain building from where it¡¯d hit me. ¡°Am I melting from the inside out!?¡± I yelled to Panda. ¡°You¡¯re fine! I think your Suit and high Vitality is helping you resist it.¡± My vision suddenly returned, although everything had strange after-images following behind their actual movements. Twenty feet away, three Players were laying into the large bat monster with their attacks, physical and magical both, while a fourth guy was folded onto himself like a lawn-chair, thanks to the boss landing on him with all its weight. Drifting lazily in the air was a bright-glowing flare, which illuminated the many rows of seats, and, thanks to this, the Players were able to actually inflict damage on the boss. But, even with its gimmick defeated through the use of light, they were having a rough go at it. I pushed myself up from the floor and tried to get my bearings. The pain in my upper torso was spreading through my body in waves, bringing an interesting tingling numbness with it and slowing down my movements. The hole where the shard had pierced me was already closed, thanks to the Suit¡¯s apparently-reactive nature. Nearby lay the projectile that¡¯d hit me, and it was a green-glowing glass dart that was eerily reminiscent of Uranium. It was a jagged and ugly piece of work, obviously designed to create nasty wounds, while delivering some kind of poison or sickness. My eyes went towards the booth I¡¯d seen the movement in before everything went down, and I managed to just catch the moment that Bee, who was hovering in the air, threw a Beetle Bomb in amongst its seats. With a bang the booth was perforated with flechettes. A moment later, a figure stumbled forward, while aiming an overlong right arm at the Moth Magician. His whole body was transformed into a lopsided disgusting thing, but it was unmistakably Logan. Before he could fire another of his poisoned glass darts, I carefully aimed a punch in his direction. ¡°Blam!!¡± Brock exclaimed, as my gauntlet hit the air and sent a blast across the hall. It connected with the side of Logan¡¯s strange arm-rifle and pushed it off-course, just as he fired a shot. Instead of striking Bee in the stomach, the dart shot past her and disappeared into the back seats. ¡°Moth Missile!¡± she yelled and mothballs shot out of her palm, taking ponderous trajectories as they flew towards the fucked-up-looking Logan. He quickly ducked behind a messed-up backrest of a chair, which absorbed all but one of the missiles. But, although the impact clearly hurt him a lot, he pounced out from behind his cover and shot a long glowing-green tongue towards Bee, which wrapped around her wings and chest, before flinging her into the ground with a whipping motion. Her body bounced off a seat, before she came to a halt, but I was quickly by her side, ready with an Interrupt if Logan tried to follow-up with another attack. However, she had landed in a place that he couldn¡¯t easily see from his high vantage, so he¡¯d have to leave the safety of his booth if he wanted to exploit the opening, which seemed unlikely. ¡°Are you okay?¡± I asked, looking at her and noticing that there were a bunch of tiny holes on her body from where Logan¡¯s creepy tongue had touched her. Bee was shaking, but she managed to sit up. ¡°I think I broke my left arm. I¡¯m also poisoned.¡± ¡°Is it the Nasty Concoction? I got hit by that too.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s called ¡®Sickspittle¡¯. It has a duration of 10 minutes and I think it¡¯s draining my Stamina and Mana.¡± She made a gasp of surprise. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong!?¡± I asked. ¡°My Benefactor just sent me something called a ¡®Live-Well Apple¡¯. Apparently it cures poison effects! That¡¯s so thoughtful!¡± She immediately pulled a glass apple full of some kind of reddish syrup into her hand, but when I tried to inspect it I got an unsettling error message: ERROR! You do not have permission to inspect this item! THIS IS NOT FOR THE EYES OF CREATURES LIKE YOU. ONLY MY ADORABLE LOST CHILD MAY PARTAKE IN MY GIFT. TAKE CARE THAT YOU DO NOT HARM THIS CHILD. I WILL VISIT DEVASTATION UPON YOU IF YOU FAIL HER. ¡°...Yikes.¡± ¡°I told you, don¡¯t piss off Absolutes!¡± Panda hissed. ¡°Also, what are you standing around for! Go kill Logan!¡± Before I could even take my first step in his direction, a shout of victory went up from the last two surviving Players, after they¡¯d taken down Louie the Nightwing. The enormous bat lay in a heap next to the two Players. One of them had a sword and a shield, along with a brown-and-black football uniform and helmet for protection, and the other wielded a staff and wore a blue jogging suit. DUNGEON ¡®The Dark Theater¡¯ CLEARED! Recommended Player level: 9 Average Player level: 4 Player survivors: 5 Player deaths: 15 Enemies slain: 0 Bosses slain: 1 WARNING! The Dungeon will close in 60 seconds! You will be returned to your last known location outside the Dungeon perimeter! ¡°Fuck!¡± I cursed and began running towards the wall just below Logan¡¯s elevated VIP booth, but the sickness coursing through my veins was making my body sluggish. No sooner had the mage and swordsman Players returned to the realization of why they were in this dungeon, than the staff-wielding guy was hit in the forehead with one of those glowing darts. He didn¡¯t even scream, instead just dropping to the ground and starting to liquify. The swordsman yelled in shock and outrage, before pulling a can of beans out of thin air and hurling it up into the VIP booth. It exploded in a flash of light and sound. Standing directly below the booth, I tried to jump up to reach it, but didn¡¯t even clear four feet. ¡°What the hell is this Concoction!?¡± I complained. Fortunately, I had an idea that I¡¯d been wanting to try. I immediately began blowing air into my gauntlet, much to Brock¡¯s elation. Then, a few seconds later, when the fingers were bloated sausages and the swordsman was hiding behind the large bat¡¯s corpse to escape the shots from above, I hopped into the air again, but this time punched down towards the floor, making sure not to hit anything. ¡°Wheeeew!!¡± The resultant explosion of air from the ¡®Pump It!¡¯ and ¡®Air Blast¡¯ combined sent me flying up towards the ceiling. As I fell back down, I managed to just barely catch the lip of the booth where it poked out from the wall of the theatre hall. I began climbing up over the tiny wall of the booth, only to look directly at the tip of Logan¡¯s arm-barrel. Up close, it was hard not to appreciate just how fucked-up his body had become. He had looked like a supermodel mixed with a cringey Roman God cosplay the first time I¡¯d encountered him, but now the right side of his face was drooping as though the bone-structure was gone and his eyes glowed a sickly green color. He had developed a pot-belly, his skin had turned pasty-pale, and his left arm was shrunken in both muscle and length, with his right having its forearm grown three times its normal length and turning into an organic rifle of his own body. A stubby white horn with black veins grew from the middle of his forehead, and his overlong glowing tongue drooped out from his too-wide mouth full of sharp teeth. ¡°.interrupt( ),¡± I said, just as it looked like he was about to fire his rifle at my head, before pushing myself up and swinging my gauntlet into his face. Logan moved around my strike with the grace of a slimy eel, then shot out his tongue, which wrapped around my arm and yanked me forward, making me stumble for a moment. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Sickspittle¡¯! Time remaining: 5.70776256E-6 years ¡°I¡¯ll ¡­ kill you!¡± he croaked. I got both of my feet down on the floor into an immovable stance, then pulled back against his tongue, which snapped free of his mouth, though remained stuck to me. He yowled in pain and two long glowing claws sprouted from his tiny T-Rex arm. When he swung them at my throat, I sidestepped it and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. ¡°What¡¯s wrong Logan!? Cat got your tongue?¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow.¡± Before I could strike him again, a filthy soap-bubble-looking barrier appeared around him, pushing me back. I recognized it as a bastardized version of the ¡®Sacred Barrier¡¯ I¡¯d seen him use during the Weaponlution Event. I leapt forward with a punch, which connected with the bubble and pushed it back a few feet, taking him with it, although no damage was seemingly inflicted. He opened his mouth and shot a glop of acid towards me, which I couldn¡¯t avoid since I was right in front of him, but the moment it hit me it reflected off my armour and bounced directly back at him, covering his bubble in a layer of green goop. Before I could try anything else to crack his cowardly protective spell, another dungeon announcement hit me: DUNGEON CLOSING! Returning you to your last known location outside the dungeon perimeter! I pointed my index finger at him as we were transported out of the Dark Theater. Chapter -85 ¡°There¡¯s No Escape!¡± I yelled as we arrived outside of the dungeon entrance, my index finger pointing directly at where Logan appeared. ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 37,917,612,887 ¦Ìs ¡°It still has over 10 hours left before you can use it again!¡± Panda deciphered. Logan didn¡¯t immediately take off running like I¡¯d expected, but instead pulled out a black serpentine sword that let off noxious dark-red vapor. Its blade was pockmarked and rusted, but seemed unmistakably powerful. ¡°I think that¡¯s his reward from the Weaponlution Event!¡± Panda said. With a loping gait, he came at me, swinging the blade wildly. ¡°Die...! Die! Die!!¡± The Nasty Concoction slowed my movements to the point that I knew I couldn¡¯t avoid his attack, so I instead decided not to evade it. ¡°Gotcha!¡± I said, his filthy soap-bubble immediately disappearing from his body. gasm.org Activated! Ability Stolen: Corrupted Barrier Original Player: Logan Maximillian ¡°Catch it!¡± The bubble he¡¯d had a second ago appeared around me just in time to absorb his attack. As the knockback from the impact set him off-balance, I took a large step forward and drove Brock directly into his abdomen. Two overlapping impacts like a double-barrel going off echoed out from where I struck. Crunch! The air was yanked out of him and funneled into my gauntlet, while blood shot out of his back where an exit wound had formed from the sheer force of my blow. He rolled across the asphalt, and, before he could pick himself up off the ground, I strode over to where he lay. Then I swung my fist down at him and said: ¡°Punch.harder( )!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! My balloon-covered fist smashed into his head, knocking it into the ground, where it bounced back up just in time for the follow-up, which was further empowered by my Punch Multiply Passive: REACTIVATING SCRIPT: Punch.harder( )! ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! The impact not only exploded his skull, but the sheer velocity of the strike sent a wave of pressure into his entire body, crushing it against the asphalt which cratered around him as though a ten-ton weight had been dropped on top. No sooner had the kill registered than an announcement came, and I realized that a persistent hum of wings had been coming from overhead this whole time. WARNING! Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. GREAT GAME Agents are hunting the Players ¡®Gambit¡¯ and ¡®Bee¡¯ for cheating and rule-breaking! All unaffiliated Players in the area shall evacuate the scene or face punishment! The sword-and-shield Player, who¡¯d been standing around dumbfounded for a moment, realized what was happening and quickly took off down a nearby alley. Above, the thrum of countless wings altered as the passengers of the flying dung vessels began to glide down towards us. I looked up and saw that there were easily forty in total, but all of them looked smaller and weaker than the ones I¡¯d fought prior. ¡°At last, the countless children of the Agents you¡¯ve killed have come to collect your head,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Meow,¡± replied Lordie, just as they all let loose with a storm of flechettes. ¡°Beetle Brawn!¡± Bee said, and her fuzzy soft-looking ¡®fur¡¯ turned into hardened scales, which not a single of the corkscrew projectiles could penetrate. The majority were aimed at me, but the Corrupted Barrier was still in effect, sending every projectile bouncing in a random direction. Many of them triggered my Reflective Shell, for some reason, and returned the flechettes with enough oomph to knock several of the gliding Agents out of the air. Some of the reflected projectiles damaged only their wings, inducing downward spirals that left them smashing against the unforgiving ground. Bee shared an appraisal of one of the Agents with me and said, ¡°They¡¯re all the same level!¡±
Level 20 ¡®Bl-bobt-nglt¡¯ Agent x
¡°You killed my father, prepare to die, you vile Glitch!¡± Job: GREAT GAME Agent-in-Training Affiliation: Rule-Enforcement and Probing Department This is an Agent-in-Training. The Beetles of the REPD take their role in the GREAT GAME quite seriously, and this manifests itself as the fact that their many children are often trained to become Agents from an early age. Although this sort of ¡®keep it in the family¡¯ attitude always backfires, when oaths of vengeance are sworn against those Players in the GREAT GAME, who inevitably manage to kill an Agent. It¡¯s quite disruptive towards the rules they are meant to uphold, but the viewers find it an amusing trope every season, so no one has deemed it necessary to fix this glaring issue. She hates you for killing her father.
By the time that the Agents started to realize that shooting me was doing more harm to themselves, Bee and I had managed to knock half of them out of the air. Those that struck the asphalt didn¡¯t all die, though they were left in pretty horrid states of agony. ¡°Moth Missile!¡± Bee exclaimed, sending four orbs into the air, all of which picked their own individual targets. Each hit sent an Agent-in-Training plummeting to the street, while I contributed with Air Blasts that didn¡¯t directly damage them at this distance, but did knock them into each other and tangling their wings together. The bubble on my body finally burst apart, but it had more than served its purpose by now. gasm.org Deactivated! Ability Returned: Corrupted Barrier Original Player: Logan Maximillian ¡°I¡¯m running low on Mana,¡± Bee told me a second later, as she switched to Beetle Bolts to save her resources. The impacts from these didn¡¯t deal anywhere near the same damage as her Missile, with the Agents able to shrug them off. ¡°Gambit!¡± Panda then yelled, trying to get my attention. ¡°Behind you!¡± I just managed to spin around in time to see a very-much-alive Logan driving his serpentine sword right towards my crotch. ¡°Honk!¡± I said at the very last moment, before he could take my third-most-favorite body part away from me. SKILL TRIGGER! Swan-feather Cloak¡¯s ¡®Indestructible¡¯ Skill Activated! Somewhere, a Swan takes notice of your power. My Swan-feather Cloak instantly curled around my body and I didn¡¯t even feel the moment that Logan¡¯s sword struck me. I was wrapped inside a soft cocoon of white feathers for several more seconds afterwards, which made me wonder if I¡¯d misunderstood the ability¡¯s description. All the outside sounds were muffled, but I got the sense that Bee was yelling something. ¡°Logan ran off,¡± Panda told me, his voice the only thing cutting through to me. When the Cloak finally released its hold, I saw that many Agents-in-Training lay dead around us, though several were still writhing in pain from surviving their falls from up high. The ones who were still uninjured had retreated to their flying dung balls and were taking off. I spun around, confused. ¡°Where¡¯s Logan!?¡± The spot where I¡¯d crushed him into the asphalt only had a splatter of maggot-filled blood left behind. I saw his beacon in the distance, noticing Bee trailing it from the sky, and immediately began running towards it. But, after only a couple steps I could tell that the Concoction was still in my system, slowing me down significantly. ¡°Skater Boy!¡± I exclaimed, trying to summon up my longboard. ¡°Still on cooldown,¡± Panda said. ¡°8 more minutes remaining.¡± ¡°Fuck!¡± Bee, noticing that I was slow to catch up, spun around in the air, while dodging return fire from Logan. She flew low to the ground and reached her arms out for me. I linked my arms in hers and let her half-drag me across the asphalt, her wings moving as fast as they could, as we resumed the chase. Chapter -86 Bee shared her appraisal of Logan as he fled down the street. We were flying above all the traffic lights and streetlamps for now, but in only a couple minutes my longboard would be ready to deploy and we¡¯d catch up to him.
Level 15 ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯ Player x
¡°I¡¯ll ¡­ kill you!¡± Class: Corrupted Savior Main Attribute(s): Dexterity & Athleticism Logan was a fraternal twin, who had an unhealthy relationship with his sister. Then she died, thanks to you. He really didn¡¯t realize the favor you did for him and instead swore eternal vengeance. All of that is par for the course in the GREAT GAME. But he was apparently more serious than we thought, as he leaned into his Envy Demon Benefactor with rapturous glee, becoming the foul little gremlin you¡¯re now looking at. And all for the sake of obtaining the power to defeat you. Those subservient to the Envy Demons of the Nasty Neighborhood are irritating little shits that are notoriously-difficult to kill. Also, don¡¯t get hit by his special attack, since it leaves you with an incurable disease that will liquify your insides unless your Vitality is high enough. We really don¡¯t like Envy Demons around here, so I¡¯ll tell you how to cure it: kill him with fire and then rub the ashy remains onto your body. In case it wasn¡¯t obvious, he really truly hates you.
Encouraged by the prompt, the achievement from the Dark Theater finally arrived, sending its reward directly into my hand. It was a leathery square cut out of Louie¡¯s wing.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Dark Theater First Clear¡¯ Cleared The Dark Theater for the first time.
You honestly didn¡¯t contribute much to the clearing of the Dungeon, other than being a brief distraction when the boss beat you up. Granted, it was pretty fun to watch, but pull your own weight next time, lazybones.
Reward: ¡®Nightwing Wing¡¯
I inspected the object in my hand.
¡®Nightwing Wing¡¯ x
I think you know what you have to do. Batwing jerky!
Weight: 1 Panda
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. With a sigh I began to bite into the leathery wing, really grinding my teeth to pull off chunks that I quickly swallowed. It was like trying to devour a leather couch¡­ And all the while, Logan was outpacing us. ¡°Sorry, I can¡¯t go any faster!¡± Bee apologized, as she sensed my frustration. ¡°It¡¯s okay, just give it one more minute and I¡¯ll take over,¡± I promised her. With the last chunk of the wing down my gullet and nothing but regret as my stomach protested about the meal, the screen I¡¯d been waiting for popped up. I quickly looked through the options to see if any of them were useful in the moment.
Choose your reward! x
While you pick the hairs out of your teeth, have a look at the following skills.
Pick one of the options: ¡®[Night Protocol]¡¯ | ¡®Nyctophilia¡¯ | ¡®Nightwing Special¡¯
¡®[Night Protocol]¡¯ x
Passive This description cannot be read during the day.
¡®Nyctophilia¡¯ x
Passive You¡¯re mysterious. You wear all black. You thrive in the dark of night. You¡¯re also probably kind of cringe. All Attributes are increased by 25% when you are immersed in darkness, but you take 75% more damage while standing in any source of light. Night Vision not included!
¡®Nightwing Special¡¯ x
Ability Embrace your inner wrestler and throw your own safety to the wind by using your entire body as a projectile. Just keep in mind that this Ability doesn¡¯t magically make you stronger than you are, so be careful where you aim. Manifest a pair of dark wings and send yourself flying feet-first towards any target of your choice. The max distance is proportional to your Athleticism score. This ability cannot be used while standing in a source of light.
¡°They¡¯re all pretty bad,¡± I muttered. ¡°Having them be dark or night themed really reduces their usefulness¡­¡± ¡°I guess you should pick ¡®Nightwing Special¡¯,¡± Panda told me. ¡°I¡¯ll leave the decision until night-time,¡± I said, wanting to know what the ¡®[Night Protocol]¡¯ did. ¡°You can do that?¡± Bee asked, surprised. ¡°If you minimize the screens, they go to the side of your vision like annoying pop-up ads.¡± ¡°Your skateboard is ready,¡± Panda said. ¡°Finally. Bee, set me down.¡± She quickly took us towards the ground and I could tell that she was pretty exhausted from carrying me for just the few minutes we¡¯d been going. ¡°Skater Boy!¡± I said, summoning the longboard and getting on. ¡°Bee, get on my back.¡± She didn¡¯t seem to question me and climbed on, wrapping her arms around my neck, while I held her legs under my arms. Panda scooted to the side on my shoulder a bit to make room for her, and Lordie began an uncomfortable purring that rattled my eyes in their sockets. ¡°Can Brock sit on your left shoulder to complete the set?¡± the purple gauntlet asked. ¡°You¡¯re staying where you are, because I¡¯m about to give Logan another smackdown,¡± I said, then kicked off from the ground. BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow. How is that a catchphrase!?¡± Despite my human-shaped backpack, I was able to balance on the board with ease, as I rolled through the street. I used the ominous furrow in the ground to ramp up speed, hopping out of it as we neared the one-way street Logan had veered down. The creepy bastard was running with a strange gait, thanks to his malformed body, but it seemed he had a lot of points in Athleticism or some kind of unique passive, because he was moving pretty fast. We flew through the air after I bounced off the hood of a Lexus with smashed windows, and I flicked my right foot in a way that made the entire longboard spin beneath me with my left heel as its axis. [WICKED!] exclaimed the board, when I landed the trick and we picked up a lot of speed. Fortunately, the Nasty Concoction only affected my movement speed, but not that of any abilities I used, and the distance between us and the beacon was shrinking with every second. I slid around the left-going corner at the end of the one-way street, grinding asphalt on the side of the board and eliciting an excited squeal from Bee. ¡°There he is!¡± she then shouted, pointing ahead of us. ¡°It looks like he¡¯s heading for a Dungeon,¡± Panda remarked, as he noticed the Veterinarian¡¯s Clinic the Corrupted Savior was beelining towards. Sensing us on his trail, Logan spun around and fired his rifle-arm at us, but I easily dodged it by shifting my weight to the side. He fired another some seconds later that went wide, but I overreacted and hopped onto the roof of a school bus, which lay on its side next to a smash street lamp. It gave him just enough time to hop through the doors, before I could reach him. In the distance I saw three Players working together, coasting towards us on a surfboard that created its own waves. It was clear that there were still a lot of people who wanted to join in on the manhunt. I came to a screeching halt in front of the Clinic¡¯s automatic glass doors, but, like with the Police Headquarters, it was impossible to see inside. ¡°Inspect it before you enter!¡± Panda told me, but I ignored him and barged through the door, the glass panels quickly opening for me. Bee was still on my back, but didn¡¯t protest my reckless decision. WARNING! Now entering level 16 Challenge Dungeon ¡®The Hospital Rooms (East Wing)¡¯! Chapter -87 ¡°You idiot!¡± Panda scolded me, as Bee and I appeared in an empty room with four clean beds that each had a privacy curtain. The Moth Magician got off my back and started looking around, while I went over to the window opposite the door. Outside was darkness. I slammed my purple gauntlet into the window. It crumbled apart to reveal that the ¡®darkness¡¯ was in fact just a flat painting glued onto the other side of the glass pane. There was nothing beyond it than the screaming tapestry of faces. ¡°What is that??¡± Bee asked excitedly. ¡°There are so many patterns here!¡± She began staring intently at the faces, which looked as though they were woven from old people¡¯s hair and continually let off a cacophony of static screams. ¡°It¡¯s the Dungeon Barrier,¡± I told her. ¡°Don¡¯t touch it!¡± Panda said hurriedly. It was a good thing too, because she¡¯d been reaching out towards it. An achievement suddenly arrived:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Brawn won¡¯t save you¡¯ Entered a Challenge Dungeon for the first time.
Well, well, well. It seems you have stumbled into one of our rare Challenge Dungeons. At last the little Glitch won¡¯t be able to punch his way out of this one! Challenge Dungeons vary in theme and function, but we can reveal that this one has a complex series of puzzles that require solving in order to reach the exit. All the while, the Surgeon and his patients will do everything to stop you. Should you fail to reach the exit within the next 20 minutes, the Dungeon will collapse and you will die.
Reward: ¡®Game Coin¡¯
¡°Ooh, a puzzle!¡± Bee said, having received the same pop-up no doubt. ¡°I knew you should¡¯ve inspected the Dungeon before entering!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± I told him. ¡°This changes nothing.¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°This.¡± I raised my purple gauntlet at the screaming tapestry and flipped it off. ¡°Dungeon-Break.¡± ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Total Player number: 6 Nearest Player: 32 yards Total Enemy number: 40 Nearest Enemy: 15 yards Nearest Boss: 67 yards Nearest Exit: 298 yards The map that appeared was like a blueprint of the entire dungeon and displayed the hospital wing in three dimensions, making it obvious there was more than one floor to the place. A big dot on the floor above us seemed to indicate the Boss¡¯ location, and forty other dots spread throughout the nine floors showed the locations of smaller enemies. Golden-yellow dots indicated the Players, Bee included, but I was marked with a green one. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. I quickly scanned the various Player markers and saw that Logan was two floors below at the end of a hallway. As I watched him for a moment, one of the red dots moving towards him blinked out. There was another Player on his floor as well, but he was still in one of the rooms. ¡°That rat bastard is camping!¡± I remarked disapprovingly. The exit was on the bottom-most floor, through a tunnel that, based on the marker in front of it, was sealed off somehow. Six small blue dots throughout seemed to indicate caches or perhaps clues. None of them were on this floor, but two were on the one above, where the Boss was moving around. The other four caches were spread out on the seven floors below at random. ¡°Are you going to eject everyone again?¡± Panda asked. ¡°No.¡± I clicked the ¡®Delete Dungeon Barrier¡¯ button and immediately received a pop-up for confirmation:
Ability Confirmation Required
You are about to utilize your Dungeon-Break ability to remove the Dungeon Barrier of The Hospital Rooms (East Wing). Removing the Dungeon Barrier will compromise the integrity of the Dungeon and can have devastating and unintended consequences for all Players and Enemies within. It also removes the protections against outside influence by Voidspawn. The moment you accept, the Barrier will be removed. Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
¡°Wait, the Barrier protects against Voidspawn?¡± Panda said, confused. ¡°Maybe you shouldn¡¯t do it then.¡± ¡°Why, what are they?¡± Bee immediately asked before I had the chance. ¡°Eh, how can I explain this¡­ They¡¯re like a cosmic phenomenon with little rhyme or reason. You know how a flame creates heat and smoke? Rituals have similar byproducts, except they¡¯re sentient.¡± ¡°Sentient smoke?¡± I asked. ¡°No, dumbass. Like writhing masses of incoherence and chaos that are attracted to sources of energy. Dungeons are basically miniature realms. Can you even fathom how much energy it takes to create such a thing?? Anyway, yeah, if the Barrier goes down, it sounds like those things would quickly begin seeping into the Dungeon¡­¡± ¡°Wouldn¡¯t a better description be ¡®like moths to a flame¡¯?¡± ¡°No. That undersells their danger. Listen! Even Demons don¡¯t mess with Voidspawn. That should tell you all you need to know!¡± I shrugged. ¡°Let chaos rule.¡± Then I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯. ¡°You¡¯re an actual fu¡ª!¡± A reverberating snap moved through the entire dungeon and made my heart forcefully skip a beat. A sense of pressure also immediately started building around my body, as though the air was turning hostile. ¡°Ah!¡± Bee exclaimed and I quickly turned to look at her. ¡°The pattern disappeared! I hadn¡¯t finished solving it¡­¡± I peered through the hole in the wall where the window had been. The screaming tapestry was gone, and now it was like staring out into some messed-up version of outer space. Beyond the hospital¡¯s walls was a beige backdrop full of stars and celestial bodies large enough to see minor details of, like their colors and surrounding asteroid belts. One of the planets closest to us looked like Saturn, except it had a massive unblinking eye in its middle, which stared towards us. Swallowing hard, I gritted my teeth and forced on a grin. Then I grabbed Bee by the wrist. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± I punched the wall a few more times to make the hole big enough for us to pass through, then leapt out. Although I fully expected to immediately go into freefall, I instead felt a tug of gravity keeping me leashed to the dungeon. Instead of air or a vacuum, it was like swimming in goop. Cosmic goop. I didn¡¯t waste a moment and began swimming towards the hallway two floors below where we¡¯d arrived, retaining the mental image of Logan¡¯s location. I let go of Bee and she used her wings to propel herself forward alongside me. ¡°He won¡¯t see this one coming,¡± I said with a grin. ¡°You might wanna hurry it up,¡± Panda advised, before pointing towards the not-Saturn planet with the enormous eye. I glanced back over my shoulder and immediately regretted it, as I realized the planet was moving closer. ¡°Okay, that¡¯s pretty fucked,¡± I muttered in disbelief. ¡°You thought I was lying, didn¡¯t you!?¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°You could¡¯ve said, ¡®Oh, by the way, a planet will start chasing you¡¯.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not a planet,¡± he replied. Bee was pulling out in front of me, so I made a snap decision. ¡°Bee! You¡¯ve gotta head for the exit! I¡¯ll deal with Logan and join you as soon as he¡¯s 100% dead!¡± ¡°No way!¡± she shouted back, already next to the wall of the sixth floor where Logan would be hiding. Her wings really gave her an advantage in speed, even though we were moving through cosmic goop. ¡°Don¡¯t be an idiot like me!¡± I told her. ¡°Go to the bottom-most room and wait for me at least!¡± ¡°Making a strong argument here,¡± Panda said. ¡°Shut up and help me convince her!¡± ¡°You should listen to Gambit,¡± Panda advised Bee. ¡°Fine! But I¡¯m not leaving without you!¡± She immediately began swimming down alongside the hospital wing that floated in outer space, just as I arrived next to the wall of the sixth-floor hallway myself. ¡°I think you made the right call,¡± Panda praised me. ¡°Meow,¡± added Lordie. ¡°Her Vitality is too low for dealing with Logan,¡± I said. ¡°Also, do you think that not-planet will just keep moving towards us until it smashes into the dungeon?¡± ¡°Definitely, yep.¡± ¡°¡­Cool. I should hurry up then.¡± ¡°No, no, take your time!¡± ¡°Was that sarcasm?¡± ¡°Get a move on!¡± he yelled. I crawled along the outside of the sixth-floor hallway until I reached the place where Logan had been hiding. Using my index finger, I carefully poked a hole in the wall, which was no more than a couple inches thick. After sticking my eye up against the hole, I saw that Logan was hugging the wall opposite me, while using a little white-painted cabinet on wheels as both cover and a rest for his long rifle-arm. Before he could reposition, I swam around the other side of the hallway, having to navigate around the rooms that blocked my way. It felt like I was on a spacewalk on the ISS, and quickly my mind started to imagine what¡¯d happened to those astronauts stationed there. ¡°Focus,¡± Panda said. I got to the right place, then prepared to strike. Chapter -88 Brock squealed as I rammed my right fist through the wall to the sixth-floor hallway and grasped Logan around the neck. I pulled him out of the room and into the cosmic goop of outer space. ¡°Hey Logan!¡± The malformed Corrupted Savior yelped in fear at my sudden appearance and the terrifying out-of-bounds area I¡¯d yoinked him into. Before he could defend himself, I slammed my forehead into his face and broke his nose. Again. ¡°I¡¯ll kill¡­ you!¡± he groaned. ¡°Think his brain is damaged,¡± Panda said, as I pulled back for another forehead smash. My arm and hand was forcefully pushed off of him as the dirty soap bubble appeared around him. Logan stayed by the side of the building while I was ejected further out into the goop. ¡°Seriously!? Did his abilities reset when he resurrected!? That¡¯s unfair.¡± ¡°Pot calling kettle black,¡± Panda said. I swam back towards him, just as something like a shooting star pierced one of the floors below, melting a glowing hole in the wall it exited through. ¡°Was that a washing machine?¡± I asked, tracking the projectile as it disappeared into the beigeness of outer space. ¡°You¡¯d better hurry this up!¡± the plushie urged. Logan raised his rifle-arm and fired one of the glass darts at me, but it was reflected off my suit and right back at him. Instead of bouncing off, it penetrated right through his bubble and lodged itself in his thigh. ¡°Hah!¡± I said, then kicked my feet to get close enough for a punch. Before I could get within reach however, Logan quickly fled back through the hole in the wall. It suddenly struck me that Brock¡¯s purple curse was failing to actually turn him purple, perhaps because he was a half-demon or perhaps because a stronger sickness was already inside him. It also seemed like the Nasty Concoction from his dart wasn¡¯t infecting him either, as he was quick as ever. I came back into the building through the hole in the wall, just in time for a wave to hit me and push me up against the back wall that Logan had been crouched near a moment earlier. The wave washed over my entire body, but then the water just failed to stick, falling away as if it too had no idea what¡¯d happened. ¡°Your Swan Cloak is waterproof,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Oh right. I¡¯d already forgotten.¡± I righted myself and began moving down the hallway, just in time to see Logan swing his serpentine sword at a surfer dude who wielded a wand. The guy flung his wand upward in a flashy move, raising a spout of water that punched the Corrupted Savior off-balance, though that irritating bubble still protected him from all damage. ¡°What¡¯s a surfer doing in Castleburg?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°The nearest beach is a 2-hour drive from here.¡± ¡°Maybe he went surfing in the Madeville Lake,¡± I muttered as I pushed forward despite the slowing Concoction. ¡°There are no waves in the Lake¡­¡± While Logan tried to carve his way through the Surfer Mage, the guy was preventing his escape at every turn, raising walls of water to block him off or pushing him back with condensed spouts. I knew his mana wouldn¡¯t last forever though, so as I came near, I put my right hand to my chest and pulled out my Soul Blade. The Surfer Mage saw my approach and subtly maneuvered Logan towards me. I raised the weapon into the air, letting its Nodachi-like blade grow in size, before leaping forward with a diagonal slash that wasn¡¯t halted by Logan¡¯s bubble and cut right through his body. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. My blade disappeared right after it left the other side of the bubble, its energy returned to my body. Then Logan¡¯s midriff exploded and instantly killed him. ¡°Holy shit, dude!¡± said Surfer Mage, as the Corrupted Savior fell down onto the sterile hospital floor in two separate pieces, sick-looking blood leaking out and letting off a foul smell and dark-red vapor. ¡°Thanks for the assist,¡± I told him. ¡°No worries, mate. That was sick.¡± ¡°He¡¯s not 100% dead yet,¡± Panda said, recalling the last time I¡¯d killed Logan, only for him to get back up again. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta burn the body.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t happen to have any fire spells? We¡¯ve gotta burn his body to fully kill him, apparently.¡± ¡°Nah. Just water.¡± ¡°Did you come from Madeville Lake?¡± I asked him. ¡°Ye. The waves have been gnarly ever since the Great Game started. Tyler dove down towards the bottom and found a World Boss flounder that was stirring up the water, but, like, it was level 40 he said. He¡¯s super dead now. It was guarding a temple, but no one could get close. Me and the boys had just come to Castleburg when the Manhunt began.¡± ¡°Thanks for the exposition dump,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Hunter has a fire spell by the by.¡± I couldn¡¯t remember exactly what floor the other Players had been on, but I was fairly sure he was either one below or one above. ¡°I¡¯ll go find him. Stay here with the corpse and don¡¯t let it get back up.¡± ¡°Wicked,¡± he said with an affirmative nod. ¡°I¡¯m Gambit by the way,¡± I told him. ¡°Name¡¯s Tanner.¡± ¡°Of course it is,¡± Panda said. I started moving towards the stairs leading up, but then thought better of it and headed for the hole in the wall. ¡°Hey, why¡¯s there a hand on y¡ª?¡± Tanner started to ask and I turned to face him. Then a volley ball the size of a mini-van tore through the hallway and utterly erased him and the dead-but-not-forever Logan on the floor. ¡°¡­Shit.¡± ¡°That was your cue to get to the exit,¡± Panda said. The edges of the ceiling, walls, and floor that¡¯d been utterly erased were glowing as though molten, and the glow started to coalesce in the air, taking on some four-dimensional shape that looked like a spinning top. As it spun around lazily, its shape morphed into a square and then a rhombus, then faces and arms appeared on its surface, before vanishing just as quickly. ¡°What the fuck is that?¡± I asked, pulling out my Looking Glass to inspect it.
¡è%&#¡± )¡±?!¡±#/¡è`| Voidspawn x
ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. LET US BECOME ONE. ASSIMILATE THY CORPUS WITH MINE LIGHT. I WISH TO FEEL WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A SQUISHY HUMAN. You should probably run away. Really fast. Right now.
¡°Get to the exit now!¡± Panda yelled and I instinctively threw myself out of the hole in the wall, just as a beam of opalescent energy carved a slice out of the building. The piece immediately turned into glass as it separated from the hospital and began to float out into the cosmic goop. The glass hallway piece leisurely spun away as I frantically swam down along the building to the bottom-most room where Bee would be waiting. In the near distance, the massive not-Saturn Voidspawn blocked out the vast beige backdrop of space with its enormous size. From the eye that split its surface rained a hellfire of projectiles towards the hospital wing, which was floating in front of it like one big target. Holes were already adorning many of the floors, but the real barrage had only just begun, as larger pieces of space debris utterly devastated the floors above me, probably killing the boss and the remaining Players, if they weren¡¯t already dead. The hovering four-dimensional being was trailing after me, continuing its opalescent laser show, though mostly aiming at the building instead of me, while carving out more-and-more chunks that quickly turned to glass. I started punching behind me to use Brock¡¯s Air Blast to propel myself forward and it actually helped speed things up a lot. Which was fortunate, as I made it to the exit room just as an airplane-sized frisbee separated it from the rest of the hospital wing. It was set on a spinning trajectory out into space and I had to hold on for dear life. ¡°Bee! Go through the exit now!¡± I yelled into the wall, while pounding my fist against it to break open a hole for me to enter through. There was no reply in response, which I took as a good sign, and when I finally made it in, an opalescent beam carved through the ceiling and cut it off from the rest of the exit room, which just looked like a utility closet. There was an open door in front of me with white light shining out of it, and I dove headfirst through the opening without taking a second to think. Chapter -89 WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has won the public Manhunt Quest by taking down ¡®Logan Maximillian¡¯! Although no one was able to directly kill the Wanted Player, the Winner was decided based on who contributed the most: #1 ¡ª ¡®Gambit¡¯ #2 ¡ª Deceased #3 ¡ª Deceased #4 ¡ª ¡®Bee¡¯ #5 ¡ª Deceased I smacked my chin against the pedestrian pavement as I plopped out of the Veterinarian Clinic¡¯s glass doors. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± Bee asked, helping me to my feet. ¡°That was wild,¡± I muttered. ¡°I didn¡¯t get to see any of it,¡± she replied, sounding jealous. ¡°But I did get another level. I¡¯m 13 now.¡± ¡°Gambit almost died!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°That was extremely reckless!¡± I shrugged. ¡°At least I got Logan, and his dumb Concoction isn¡¯t affecting me anymore. Congrats on the level-ups,¡± I told her. ¡°I didn¡¯t even do anything to earn them,¡± she replied sourly. A series of achievements suddenly rolled in:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Manhunter¡¯ Finished first in a Manhunt Quest.
It¡¯s definitely a first for the GREAT GAME to have a Manhunt end with the target being killed by a Voidspawn, and since they aren¡¯t participating in the GAME (thank the Absolutes), you were deemed the biggest contributor to his defeat. Fun fact: Avid Surfer, ¡®Tanner Tylerson¡¯, was meant to have been #2, but he died because you told him to stay put. His surviving relatives and friends have just been sent a private announcement that you were responsible for his death. Enjoy your rewards, Player-Killer.
Rewards: 50x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ & ¡®Manhunter Badge¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Dungeon Challenged¡¯ Completed your first Challenge Dungeon.
We don¡¯t at all like what you just did to our beautiful Dungeon. It¡¯s literally broken forever because you removed the Dungeon Barrier. Thanks to you, all Players who enter will now just be consumed by Voidspawn. We have filed a complaint with an Adjudicator. If it sides with us, you will be reduced to slime, and NOT the sentient kind! In the meantime, enjoy your reward, Glitch.
Reward: ¡®Challenger¡¯s Stopwatch¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Hospital Rooms (East Wing) First Clear¡¯ Cleared The Hospital Rooms (East Wing) for the first time.
That was wrong. We really hated that. The fact that we have to award you achievements for subverting our meticulous and grand designs is frankly abhorrent. Do you even know how many of our Dungeon Architects have had to call in sick because of you!? Please take the following rewards and use them to bludgeon yourself to a pulp. Sincerely, Everyone who worked on the Dungeon you just shat all over
Rewards: 15x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ & ¡®Surgeon¡¯s Scalpel¡¯
A golden star-shaped badge like one of those cowboy sheriffs wore fell into my hand, along with a black digital stopwatch with a red button on top, and a scalpel that dug into Brock¡¯s purple balloon flesh, but failed to pop him. ¡°Oy Gamby, keep sharp objects away from me!!¡± I picked the scalpel up first and inspected it:
¡®Surgeon¡¯s Scalpel¡¯ x
Lick the blade. Don¡¯t hesitate, just do it. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. (Yes, we¡¯re recording it) ((No, you won¡¯t receive royalties))
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°I¡¯ve got the feeling that all these items are just for them to film and put on some kind of vile fetish reel. That¡¯s probably where all their funding for the show comes from.¡± ¡°Just lick the damn scalpel and get it over with. Not like they don¡¯t already have a ton of footage of you in compromised positions.¡± Bee was already licking hers, using a black tongue that honestly freaked me out by how weird-looking it was. I ran my own tongue along the metallic handle, feeling the dregs of my integrity slip away. It melted as though made from cotton candy and vanished from my hand.
Choose your reward! x
I hope the taste of metal fills your mouth, you dirty little Surgeon.
Pick one of the options: ¡®[Injection]¡¯ | ¡®Brain Transplant¡¯ | ¡®Doctor¡¯s Nightmare¡¯
I sighed and looked through the skills.
¡®[Injection]¡¯ x
Ability I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s how an injection works¡­ Perform a harmless poke that shares all the negative effects in your body with your target. Cooldown: 2 minutes
¡®Brain Transplant¡¯ x
Passive You know how some people tell you that you should change something about yourself? Maybe you¡¯re one of those humans, whose brains have been defiled by an overindulgence of internet videos, and now you just quote your favorite lines ad nauseam while providing no substance to the lives of the people around you. Well, fret not, have a Brain Transplant and become capable of holding a normal conversation like an adult instead! Changes your personality and spontaneously evolves you into the ¡®Mad Doctor¡¯ Class. Please note: This transformation is irreversible.
¡®Doctor¡¯s Nightmare¡¯ x
Passive 9/10 Doctors hate your guts. You become hostile to almost all Doctors, except for those delving into the dark arts of Homeopathy. In return, you can now cure ailments by eating apples.
¡°If you take [Injection], it might be possible to transfer your purple curse, and maybe your insanity.¡± ¡°Do you think I could transfer Glitch as well?¡± ¡°I doubt they¡¯d let you.¡± ¡°Worth a try, at least.¡± I picked the Injection skill. ¡°Look what I got,¡± Bee said and shared her choice with me.
¡®Moth Malady¡¯ x
Ability Hark, the song of my people! *annoying chittering ensues* Emit an indescribable noise that causes all who listen to it to slowly turn insane, with a 2% increase to their Insanity Gauge every 5 seconds. It also attracts all moths within a mile to your location.
¡°Nice.¡± ¡°You do know that you¡¯re not supposed to intentionally turn people insane, right?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Seems to me that you both missed that part of the Great Game¡­¡± ¡°Hey Bee, can I try my new ability on you?¡± I asked, ignoring his preaching. ¡°Will it hurt?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°Okay!¡± I poked her with my left index finger and activated the skill. A tiny tingle flowed through my fingernail and into her. Then nothing seemed to happen. Bee suddenly squatted down and spat out a little purple ball of goo. It landed on the pavement and began wriggling around as eye-stalks sprouted from it, then it disappeared in a puff of purple smoke with a scream. ¡°Ugh,¡± she groaned. ¡°Everything tastes like grape now¡­¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± I said. She blinked in surprise, then focused on a screen I couldn¡¯t see. ¡°My Benefactor just sent me something. There¡¯s a thing for you as well.¡± ¡°Uh oh,¡± Panda said. ¡°Maybe you upset the All-Mother¡­¡± Bee pulled a translucent raspberry out of thin air and tossed it into her mouth, then handed me a yellow pear shaped like a muffin. I inspected it:
¡®Muffin-Top Pearnana¡¯ x
A special fruit grown in the bountiful gardens of the Absolute known as the All-Mother. Eating this fruit has an unknown effect.
Weight: 0.5 Pandas
¡°Should I really eat this?¡± ¡°To not eat it would be to refuse the gift of an Absolute,¡± Panda said, sounding very serious. ¡°You should definitely eat it! And try to make it seem like you really like the taste.¡± I took a bite of it, expecting the ever-present taste of synthetic grape. ¡°Oh my god,¡± I muttered, on the verge of crying. ¡°It tastes like vanilla-banana ice-cream!¡± WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®The Muffin-Top Pearnana Effect¡¯! Time remaining: ¡Þ ¡°Ah, shit,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°She was definitely mad at you for inflicting Bee with your purple touch.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, All-Mommy gave me a cure.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think you should call her that,¡± the plushie advised. ¡°That¡¯s how she¡¯s signing off her messages to me.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ that¡¯s¡­ weird, I think.¡± ¡°She said she likes me as a Moth. She¡¯s very nice.¡± ¡°Guys¡­ I think I realized what the Pearnana does¡­¡± I said. ¡°What?¡± they both asked. ¡°It changed my purple curse. Look!¡± I lifted Brock into the air to show them. ¡°Mah fakkin body!!¡± he wailed. ¡°So, he¡¯s just yellow now?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I kind of thought it¡¯d be more serious than that,¡± Bee added. ¡°I guess that I now only taste vanilla-banana ice-cream, which isn¡¯t so bad,¡± I admitted. ¡°But mah body!?¡± Brock complained. ¡°Yellow suits you,¡± Bee told him. ¡°Ah. Well that changes things.¡± ¡°I think I¡¯ll learn to hate this new flavor,¡± I muttered, ¡°But change is good. So long as it¡¯s superficial and doesn¡¯t require fixing anything that¡¯s actually wrong with me.¡± I looked at the other two objects in my hand and inspected them.
¡®Manhunter Badge¡¯ x
¡°I¡¯ve killed before and I¡¯ll do it again!¡± - you, probably While this Badge is pinned to your clothes, you can mark another Player in your line-of-sight and always know which direction they are in, no matter the distance between you. The effect lasts until your target dies or you switch to another.
Weight: 0.3 Pandas
¡®Challenger¡¯s Stopwatch¡¯ x
This one-time-use item comes in handy in a pinch or when you just need a bit more time to finish an important quiz. Allows you to stop* time for 10 seconds. Charge: 1/1
Weight: 0.8 Pandas
¡°I didn¡¯t get a badge,¡± Bee said enviously, a frown on her face. ¡°Did you get anything from finishing 4th?¡± ¡°Twenty coins¡­¡± ¡°Did you at least get a Stopwatch?¡± ¡°Yep!¡± ¡°I wonder if it actually stops time for everyone,¡± Panda said. At his words, I noticed the little asterisk next to the word ¡®stop¡¯. ¡°Seems like it would be something stupid. If it stopped time for everyone except the user, then it would be really powerful, but that¡¯s probably not the case.¡± ¡°Where to now?¡± Bee suddenly asked, changing subject. ¡°Well, I have no idea if Logan was chasing after the Mayor or just leading us on a wild chase, but I say we go to the Mayor¡¯s house and see if we can¡¯t find a clue or something.¡± ¡°Your skateboard is still on cooldown,¡± Panda reminded me. ¡°It¡¯s fine, I¡¯ll just run,¡± I replied. ¡°I kind of feel like running again, now that I¡¯m not slow as hell.¡± I pinned the Manhunter Badge to the front of my suit, where it somehow stuck to with ease, then I targeted Bee with its ability and instinctively knew where she was positioned in relation to me. With that done, I took off in the general direction of the Mayor¡¯s house. Chapter -90 We were still several miles out from the Mayor¡¯s house, but I stopped to check the cube¡¯s timer, since I was sure it would offer a good reward worth all the wait:
¡®Unique Skill Cube¡¯ x
The puzzle has been solved, but the Cube will not open until the timer has expired. Time remaining: 29 minutes 32 seconds
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Your longboard is ready by the way, if you¡¯re tired of running,¡± Panda said. Bee landed next to me and immediately took a seat on the bench I was leaning against. There were some stores around us along the street, with a mechanic¡¯s shop nearby that was clearly a dungeon, though there were no signs of the monsters it spawned. The reason for that was fairly obvious though: a deep groove in the asphalt of the road showed that this place was on the route of a Humanbus. ¡°I¡¯m starving,¡± she said. ¡°Even though your Benefactor is feeding you regularly?¡± I asked. ¡°I¡¯m still growing, y¡¯know. I need sustenance!¡± ¡°What about that pizzeria over there?¡± Panda asked, pointing to a restaurant on the other side of the street that was completely destroyed. ¡°I doubt we¡¯d find fresh pizzas inside,¡± I remarked. ¡°Best case scenario: we find just the ingredients for making one¡­¡± ¡°What about that place?¡± Bee pointed to a shop on our side of the road, next to the mechanic. I read the sign, ¡°¡®Huge Cans¡¯¡­ really?¡± The text below read ¡®Castleburg¡¯s Most Trusted Canned Goods!¡¯ Without waiting to hear our response, Bee got up from the bench with a thrum of her moth wings, alighting in front of the entrance and walking in. I quickly followed after her and into the store. Within were dozens of thick metal standing shelves, many of which were knocked over, and just cans everywhere. Many of the cans were opened, some had been used for target practice, others were crushed and their contents splattered over the floor, but in amongst them all were still a good amount of ones in seemingly-okay condition. Bee appeared from behind a shelf that leant against another, holding two cans aloft with a look of victory on her face. ¡°Look! ¡®Preserved Pineapple Balls¡¯!¡± ¡°Pineapple balls? Not rings?¡± Panda asked. I stooped to pick up one that lay close to the door. ¡°¡­¡®Fermented Tuna Salad¡¯? Ew.¡± ¡°I also found ¡®Pickled Omelet¡¯ and a full can of ¡®Horseradish¡¯.¡± ¡°That sounds wildly unhealthy to consume together,¡± I noted. ¡°I think horseradish is good for you,¡± she replied. ¡°Not if it¡¯s the only thing you eat¡­¡± I waded through the sea of cans, using my squishy Schmonic Boots to plow them all aside, while heading through to some of the shelves further in. There were four shelves leant against each other, as though to hide something within, and I squeezed my way through a narrow opening to find a single can that¡¯d been spray-painted gold. ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Golden Fusion Urchin¡¯ x
¡­in a can. These are most commonly handed out as special rewards, but they can also be found hidden around the world, though there is never more than one per Region. This is the only one that can be found in a can¡­ We¡¯re not sure why the System planted it there, but not all of its decisions are comprehendible. ¡®What does it do?¡¯ you¡¯re no doubt asking out loud right now. First off, stop interrupting me, I¡¯m getting to it. Secondly, this: Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Consume to form a Golden Fusion between two skills currently in your possession. The resultant fusion skill will become Legendary, giving it the highest potential possible. Alternatively, this can be fed to a familiar to increase its Maturity by 50%
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Meow,¡± said Lordie in its Morgan-Freeman-impersonating voice. ¡°What¡¯d you find?¡± Bee asked. Panda was sitting on her shoulder now, though I had neither seen nor felt him move from atop mine. I shared the inspection with her. ¡°Woah.¡± ¡°Lordie wants it,¡± I replied. ¡°I think you should eat it,¡± she said. ¡°Meow!¡± protested Lordie. ¡°He really wants it.¡± ¡°I agree with Bee on this,¡± Panda said. ¡°So far Lordie has contributed nothing. Half the time I don¡¯t even notice he¡¯s there, to be honest.¡± ¡°Sorry buddy,¡± I said, patting the sentient hand on my head. ¡°Meow..¡± I grabbed the top of the can with Brock and easily peeled off the metal lid. Inside was a small piece of bright orange-yellow sea urchin in perfect condition. ¡°Before you eat it, can you open this for me?¡± Bee asked, handing me a can labeled ¡®Sandwich¡¯. ¡°Why do you want to eat this?¡± ¡°Please?¡± she insisted. I sighed and tore off the lid, revealing that it was literally just a ham-and-egg sandwich that¡¯d been forcefully shoved into the can. Bee took it from me gratefully and just poured the contents straight into her mouth. The ¡®sandwich¡¯ came out in a single can-shaped clump that she swallowed without pause. Her black tongue ran across her lips. ¡°4 out of 10,¡± she then said, before gesturing to the golden can that I¡¯d set down in front of myself on the floor. I reached in with a finger and scooped out the small piece. The texture was strangely-mushy, but when I put it in my mouth it was refreshingly-salty and had a complex aftertaste. It took me a second to realize that I could actually taste its real flavor and not vanilla-banana ice-cream or synthetic grape. ¡°10 out of 10!¡± I exclaimed. Then its effect kicked in. ACTIVATING GOLDEN SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: ¡°What are you going to combine? I think if the result is Legendary, it should be your main ability,¡± Panda advised. ¡°That¡¯s exactly what I was thinking too,¡± I replied. Then I said to the interface: ¡°Combine ¡®Punch.harder( )¡¯ with ¡®Glitch¡¯.¡± COMBINING SKILLS! Please wait a moment, while we combine the skills and roll for the most favorable traits based on the two components! ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New Legendary fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Punch.spinTheWheel( )¡¯ ¡°Spin the wheel?¡± I wondered and brought up the skill information.
¡®Punch.spinTheWheel( )¡¯ x
Ability ¡°Do you feel lucky?¡± ¡°Are you prepared to take out a second mortgage to win big!?¡± ¡°Then go on and SPIN THE WHEEL!!!¡± Every time you activate this ability and connect a punch, a Lottery Wheel will spin to determine the outcome. These range between everything from devastating impacts, monetary wins and losses, self-inflicted damage, and environmental effects. Every outcome you land on is removed from the wheel and replaced with something else, such that you never know what to expect! Cooldown: 30 seconds This ability appears on your Appraisal!
¡°That sounds like it has the potential to really backfire,¡± Panda muttered in concern. I wasn¡¯t worried though. ¡°RNG is on my side,¡± I boasted. Panda looked skeptical, meanwhile Bee was slamming two cans against each other in an attempt to open them. One of the cans had the very cursed label ¡®Birthday Cake¡¯ on it, while the other was the one with horseradish inside.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Finders Keepers!¡¯ Discovered and used a Golden Fusion Urchin.
You know, at some point, all of this just becomes too suspicious for us not to scrutinize. No one believes for a second that you just ¡®happened¡¯ to find the rarest item in your entire Region by accident. There is no way that you have so many Region-first achievements without help from outside! For several reasons, one of which is the believed collusion with an Agency Insider, an Adjudicator has been summoned to your location. It will render judgement upon you and obliterate your misbegotten stain of an existence from our GREAT GAME! But do enjoy your reward until then.
Reward: ¡®Sea Urchin Ring¡¯
Before I had a chance to inspect the orange-yellow and squishy ring that fell into my hand, two announcements followed in quick succession. WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has just found and used the only Golden Fusion Urchin in your Region! The riches he has attained thanks to this discovery are yours to claim! All you need to do is kill him and take these riches for yourself! To that end, he has been marked with a beacon for the next six hours! WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! ¡°Ah shit¡­ Here we go again.¡± Chapter -91 The can-strewn floor of ¡®Huge Cans¡¯ lit up with three pink triangles, followed by a pillar of the same light that pierced through the ceiling. ¡°Uuuh! I can¡¯t wait!¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°Don¡¯t look right at it,¡± I told her. ¡°But I didn¡¯t get to see it properly last time¡­¡± she replied sadly. ¡°It¡¯ll fry your brain,¡± Panda said. ¡°It¡¯s just a sacrifice I¡¯ll have to make to satisfy my curiosity.¡± I laughed. ¡°When you put it that way, how could I deny you?¡± ¡°Pretty sure your new Immorality¡¯s Curse is only screwing her up more than she already was¡­¡± Bee pointed her tongue at him defiantly. A second later the Adjudicator manifested above the floor. Several of the cans strewn about were pressed into flat discs just by sheer proximity to the extra-dimensional entity. WE MEET AGAIN, PLAYER. I SEE YOU SURVIVED YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH THE ANNOUNCER. CURIOUS THAT THE WAYWARD MINOR HAS CONTINUED TO EVADE CAPTURE. THE QUEEN OF THE CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES MUST BE QUITE UPSET ABOUT THAT. Bee¡¯s black eyes lit up as she took in the visage of the Adjudicator. It was, as the other two times I¡¯d seen it, an upside-down pyramid covered in quivering purple skin, which was dotted with eyes and sprouted tentacles here-and-there. Above the flat top of the pyramid was a sphere with a mouth that held an eye within. ¡°Is there only one of you guys in the US, or are we just unlucky getting you three times in a row?¡± Panda asked the Adjudicator. I AM THE ONE IN CHARGE OF OVERSEEING THIS REGION. ADDITIONALLY, I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO JUDGE PLAYER ¡®GAMBIT¡¯. ¡°That makes sense,¡± he replied. IT IS CURIOUS THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN CALLED IN TO DEAL WITH THE POTENTIAL CONFLICT OF INTEREST FROM YOU ACCOMPANYING PLAYER ¡®GAMBIT¡¯. ¡°No one has complained yet, so is it really an issue?¡± MOST CANNOT PERCEIVE YOU, THANKS TO THE VERY NATURE OF YOUR BEING. IF THE AGENCIES KNEW YOU WERE GUIDING THIS PLAYER, THEY WOULD DOUBTLESSLY OBJECT TO IT. ¡°He makes a good point,¡± I replied. I WAS CALLED IN TO JUDGE WHETHER PLAYER ¡®GAMBIT¡¯ HAS BEEN COLLUDING WITH AN AGENCY INSIDER TO LOCATE THE GOLDEN SEA URCHIN. THE QUESTION OF HIS ABILITY TO NAVIGATE COLORED PATHS HAS ALSO BEEN CALLED INTO QUESTION, ALONGSIDE CERTAIN OBSCURE ACHIEVEMENTS THAT AWARDED POWERFUL ITEMS. WHAT IS YOUR DEFENCE AGAINST THESE ACCUSATIONS? ¡°We just got lucky,¡± I replied. ¡°Panda didn¡¯t guide me to find the Sea Urchin, and most of the time he is actively trying to prevent me from doing the things that give me those ¡®obscure¡¯ achievements.¡± Panda nodded. ¡°As for the Colored Paths, it¡¯s all thanks to advanced guesswork. Also, you might be the insane one, if you believe I can control the actions of Gambit.¡± I SEE. THERE IS TRUTH IN THESE WORDS. I HAVE REVIEWED ALL PAST FOOTAGE AND IT DOES INDEED SEEM LIKE HAPPENSTANCE. NOW, THERE IS ALSO THE MATTER OF YOUR NEW LEGENDARY ABILITY. SEVERAL LIMITS HAVE BEEN APPLIED TO PREVENT IT FROM DESTROYING YOUR REGION. ¡°Wait, it was capable of that by default?¡± ON THE LIST OF ENVIRONMENTAL EFFECTS WERE THINGS SUCH AS ¡®BOUNDARY BREAK¡¯, ¡®CATACLYSM¡¯, ¡®SOUL-EXPLODING VIRUS¡¯, AND SEVERAL MORE THAT WOULD HAVE RENDERED YOUR REGION A BARREN WASTELAND MUCH SOONER THAN ANTICIPATED. ¡°Damn, a shame to see all that go,¡± I muttered with a frown. IT WOULD HAVE KILLED YOU AND YOUR FRIEND. ¡°Nah, we¡¯d have survived that,¡± I replied, certain. Bee nodded. ¡°We¡¯re not that weak that a little cataclysm could kill us!¡± YOUR HUBRIS IS ADMIRABLE. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. PERHAPS THIS IS WHAT HAS SET YOU APART FROM OTHER PLAYERS IN YOUR REGION THUS FAR. ¡°So, is that it? You just popped in to say all that and now you¡¯re leaving again?¡± Panda asked. GIVEN THE EVENTS THAT AWAIT YOU AND THE AGENCIES CEASELESS HOUNDING OF THE TWO OF YOU, A BIT OF LENIENCY ONLY SEEMS FAIR. I DO NOT SERVE THE AGENCIES. I SERVE THE SYSTEM AND ITS CREATOR. I ONLY EXIST TO UPHOLD FAIRNESS. GIVEN THAT THE SYSTEM HAS ALLOWED YOU TO REACH THIS POINT IN TIME WITHOUT YOU USING ANY OUTSIDE MEANS TO CHEAT, THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO BELIEVE YOUR EXISTENCE IS UNFAIR. WHILE I HOPE NOT TO MEET YOU AGAIN, I AM SURE I WILL BE APPOINTED TO JUDGE YOU SOON ENOUGH. ¡°See you later,¡± I told it, as the pink pillar of light appeared to whisk the Adjudicator away. ¡°Bye-bye, Adjudicator!¡± Bee said with a wave. As it disappeared from sight, the cans it had flattened into discs were rewound in time to their original forms. ¡°He was nice,¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯ve got a headache,¡± I told her. ¡°Me too! It feels like I stared at the sun for too long again.¡± ¡°You two are morons.¡± I ignored him and said, ¡°Since this place seems safe enough, I should do my Class Evolution here.¡± ¡°Might as well,¡± Panda said. ¡°I was starting to think you¡¯d never do it, truth be told.¡± ¡°Change is scary,¡± Bee said, understanding my conundrum. After all, I was quite happy with my current skills and the way the Plugins functioned. Well, mostly happy. Before I brought out my Evolution menu, I inspected the new ring I¡¯d received.
¡®Sea Urchin Ring¡¯ x
Awarded for finding a Golden Sea Urchin and eating it. This ring is made from the yellow-orange mushy innards of sea urchin and holds a fragment of its great powers. By clenching the hand wearing this ring into a fist, the whole arm becomes covered in the shell of a poisonous sea urchin. The following punch will inflict twice the normal impact damage and pierces most forms of armor. Cooldown: 15 minutes
Weight: 0.35 Pandas
I immediately slid the mushy ring over the ring-finger of Brock¡¯s gauntlet. ¡°Waaah!! I do, Gamby!! You and me foreva!!¡± ¡°Ah shit, wrong finger,¡± I muttered. I squeezed my hand into a fist and suddenly a black shell full of three-inch-long spikes grew around my clenched gauntlet and up my forearm and upper arm, stopping just short of the shoulder joint. None of the spikes seemed to hurt me, as I moved the arm about, even though it seemed like they definitely should. When I swung my fist as a test, aiming for an upright shelf of cans, a sound like a shotgun-crossbow hybrid filled the room and dozens of black spikes had pierced through the aluminum containers and gotten embedded in the metal shelf behind them. The black shell quickly broke apart and fell off my fist and arm in small chunks that hit the ground and turned to black sand on impact. ¡°Huh, it seems to trigger off of Brock¡¯s Air Blast.¡± ¡°Maybe you can combine it with your pump-up skill and get eight times the impact damage?¡± Panda speculated. ¡°¡­and then if I combine it with my Soul Blade, it should be thirty-two times the damage!¡± ¡°That sounds really powerful,¡± Bee said. ¡°But that¡¯s only if the effects are multiplicative and not additive.¡± ¡°If there¡¯s anything I¡¯ve learnt from the Great Game, it¡¯s that effects are always multiplicative,¡± I replied. ¡°It¡¯s like the System was made to be broken with obscene damage numbers.¡± I unflexed my gauntleted fist. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m gonna pick my Evolution now. Would you mind watching the door for enemies?¡± ¡°Okay! But share the tooltips with me.¡± ¡°I will,¡± I promised. While Bee moved over towards the entrance, sitting herself atop an upright shelf with her hands ready to shoot anything that entered, I went towards the back of the store, wading through the sea of cans. ¡°You know, the name is misleading,¡± I muttered. ¡°What?¡± Panda asked. He was back to sitting on my shoulder again. ¡°None of these cans are huge¡­¡± He groaned. I pulled up my Evolution screen, skimming the text that was identical to the first one I¡¯d received.
Congratulations! You have reached a Class milestone! x
Pick an option! You have reached the second Class milestone by reaching Level [?ERROR?]. You now have the choice between switching to a higher-quality Class or evolving your current one. An Evolved Class will follow the theme of your current Class, while a Class Change will be something new. Warning: changing Class will change your current Class abilities.
Change Class Evolve Class
Without even pausing for consideration, I pressed ¡®Evolve Class¡¯.
You have chosen ¡®Evolve Class¡¯
Select an Evolution from the options
Game.equalizer( ) Equality is law. Game.randomizer( ) Embrace chaos. Game.changer( ) I make the rules!
Main Attribute: Vitality & Dexterity Main Attribute: Insanity Gauge Main Attribute: Strength
Ultimate Ability: ¡®Game.levelEqualize( )¡¯ Equalize all Players to the average Level across the entire Game. Charge: 1/1 Ultimate Ability: ¡®Game.randomizeAll( )¡¯ Randomizes all Enemies and Dungeons, as well as shuffling the terrain. Charge: 1/1 Ultimate Ability: ¡®Game.newRule( )¡¯ Set a new Game rule or alter an existing one (limits apply). Charge: 1/1
¡°Holy shit, why would they give you this kind of power!?¡± Panda said, utterly baffled. ¡°I wanna see!¡± Bee yelled from the front of the store. Even though there were twenty-five feet separating us, I was somehow able to still share the screen with a mental nudge. ¡°Oooh!¡± she said. ¡°You should pick Randomize!¡± ¡°If I do that, I might as well wave my revenge goodbye. No way that it wouldn¡¯t also shuffle the Mayor, his house, and everything else.¡± ¡°Boo!¡± she replied. It was interesting that the Randomizer Evolution used my Insanity Gauge, but right now my goal was set, and I couldn¡¯t pick it without giving up chasing down the Mayor and getting rid of him once and for all. ¡°Definitely pick the New Rule one,¡± Panda urged. ¡°That¡¯s too much power to leave behind.¡± ¡°Reading my mind,¡± I told him and clicked that option.
Class Choice Confirmation Required
This choice is final! You will not be able to change your Class again until level 30! Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
No sooner had I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯, than a sense of d¨¦j¨¤ vu hit me. WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! ¡°Bet that guy is tired of us by now.¡± Chapter -92 Unlike the first time it appeared, time completely froze the second time the Adjudicator arrived within the can store. Bee had been in the middle of turning towards me on the shelf she sat atop, and a can labeled ¡®Tuna Ice-Cream¡¯ was stuck in mid-air from where it¡¯d fallen off as she moved. WHEN I SAID WE WOULD MEET AGAIN, I DID NOT EXPECT IT TO BE THIS SOON. ¡°Sorry about that,¡± Panda remarked. IT IS CONFOUNDING THAT THE SYSTEM WOULD OFFER YOU THESE CHOICES FOR YOUR EVOLUTION. IT IS A FIRST IN THE GREAT GAME THAT SUCH POWER HAS BEEN GIVEN TO A PLAYER. ¡°Are you here to take it away from me?¡± I asked. I BELIEVE I MADE MY POSITION ON SUCH THINGS CLEAR PREVIOUSLY. WHAT THE SYSTEM GRANTS IS NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE. I EXIST ONLY TO UPHOLD THE INTEGRITY OF THE GREAT GAME. ¡°Then you¡¯re here to help us decide the rule we want to implement, right?¡± Panda concluded. INDEED. EVEN THE SYSTEM ITSELF HAS APPLIED BASIC LIMITATIONS TO THIS POWER. THESE ARE AS FOLLOWS: - NO UNFAIR RULES: NEW RULES MUST AFFECT EVERYONE EQUALLY. - NO DISRUPTING THE GREAT GAME: THIS MEANS NO REMOVING OR PREVENTING GAME EVENTS. - NO POWER-UPS: NEW RULES CANNOT GIVE ANYONE EXTRA POWER OR ITEMS TO HELP THEM PROGRESS. ¡°Everything else is fair game?¡± I asked. NO. I WILL DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOUR NEW RULE VIOLATES THE GAME¡¯S INTEGRITY. YOU WILL DECIDE UPON YOUR NEW RULE NOW AND ONCE WE HAVE REACHED AN AGREEMENT, IT WILL BE LOCKED INTO YOUR ABILITY AND APPLIED IMMEDIATELY. ¡°¡­Seriously?¡± ¡°Yeah that seems a bit strict.¡± WOULD YOU RATHER I TAKE AWAY THIS ULTIMATE ABILITY? ¡°No...¡± FRET NOT. WE HAVE AN ETERNITY TO COME TO AN AGREEMENT. WHILE WE SPEAK, THE ENTIRE CONTAINED UNIVERSE, WITHIN WHICH YOUR PLANET RESIDES, IS LOCKED IN TIME. WHEN WE REACH AN AGREEMENT ON YOUR NEW RULE, I WILL RESUME TIME. UNTIL THEN, LET US DISCUSS. ¡°Ugh.¡± It felt like weeks passed while Panda and I thought up different ideas. I really hated that Bee couldn¡¯t be a part of the decision-making, since she had a beautiful mind and would probably figure out something brilliant. Alas, the Adjudicator firmly declined to allow her into our conversation and thus she remained frozen in time, half-turning towards me while a can of horrifically-flavored ice-cream was mid-fall. Our first idea had been to get rid of all Agencies, but it was shot down immediately, since it was deemed a power-up to Players. It would also interfere with how the broadcasting of the Great Game was done. Dozens of our ideas, which we spent a long time coming up with, were shot down by the same rule, as they were considered power-ups, even when super minor, like, ¡®everyone gets a packet of Fusion Gum¡¯. I¡¯d also tested out the idea of giving all Players the ability to perceive things that were normally only visible if you had 75% Insanity or higher, but that was also considered a power-up. Taking away the feature of linking a Familiar¡¯s survival to its owner was also shot down, as were removing Familiars altogether. ¡°You hear that Lordie? I can¡¯t get rid of you, even if I wanted¡­¡± ¡°Me-ow.¡± ¡°What about World Bosses, Roaming Bosses, things like that?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°Can we add those in?¡± YES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO IMPLEMENT A NEW RULE THAT INTRODUCES ADDITIONAL BOSSES TO THE OVERWORLD? ¡°No,¡± I quickly said. ¡°So we can add demerits, not positives¡­ interesting.¡± ¡°Is there a way we can spin a demerit in our favor?¡± I wondered, readjusting my seat on the throne of cans I¡¯d made. For some reason I could interact with the frozen world around me, but I was fairly sure it¡¯d return to its original position once time resumed. ¡°Meow?¡± ¡°No, I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re not frozen, Lordie.¡± The mouth on the sphere floating above the inverted pyramid closed around the eye within, as though performing a slow blink. The Adjudicator seemed puzzled, as he asked: Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. HOW DID YOU UNDERSTAND THE LORD¡¯S HAND¡¯S SPEECH. IT SHOULD BE UNINTELLIGIBLE TO HUMANS. ¡°It¡¯s just like, a feeling. Y¡¯know?¡± NO, I DO NOT KNOW. THE SOUND IT PRODUCES IS MEANT TO BURN THE SYNAPSES OF YOUR BRAIN. YOU SHOULD BE STEADILY LOSING YOUR FACULTIES UNTIL YOU EITHER DIE OR IT MATURES. INSTEAD, YOU ARE CONVERSING WITH IT, LIKE IT IS YOUR COMPANION, AND NOT AN IMMINENT THREAT TO YOUR LIFE. ¡°Have you never had a pet before? My last pet was a bullfrog named Kevin. I could usually tell what he wanted based on how he croaked, even though I couldn¡¯t understand the sounds.¡± THE CONCEPT OF PETS IS FOREIGN TO ME. I WOULD LIKE TO EXPERIENCE THIS PHENOMENON FOR MYSELF HOWEVER. WHERE WOULD I GO ABOUT FINDING A KEVIN? ¡°You should get a pet then. It can really be anything. I guess for someone like you, a pet could even be a human, although probably most people would die if they spent too much time in your presence.¡± THAT IS A PROBLEM INDEED. YOU HOWEVER ARE RESILIENT. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY PET ONCE YOU DIE? I AM ALLOWED TO RESURRECT PLAYERS IF THEY ARE DEEMED USEFUL FOR AIDING IN MY WORK. MY SUPERVISOR WOULD NOT QUESTION ME HAVING A GAMBIT FOLLOWING ME AROUND, SINCE YOU ARE A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM AND THUS A USEFUL SOURCE OF INFORMATION. ¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t plan on dying.¡± ALL MORTALS DIE EVENTUALLY. I WILL WAIT UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU AND POSE THE QUESTION ONCE MORE. ¡°Gambit, stop small-talking with the extra-dimensional Arbiter of Fates and let¡¯s figure this Rule out.¡± I thought about it for a bit, then asked, ¡°Can we change the wait time until the next Event?¡± YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO INCREASE THE INTERVAL BEFORE THE NEXT EVENT, BUT YOU MAY SHORTEN IT. ¡°Why don¡¯t we shorten it to 1 Day?¡± I asked. ¡°It would allow you to reach level 21 sooner,¡± Panda agreed. ¡°But wouldn¡¯t that be considered giving you an advantage?¡± ALL PLAYERS WOULD BE ABLE TO REACH LEVEL TWENTY-ONE AFTER FINISHING THE EVENT, THUS IT IS NOT AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE. IT DOES NOT POSE AS A BOON TO ALL PLAYERS, NOR DOES IT INTERFERE WITH THE GREAT GAME, AS THE WAIT TIMES BETWEEN EVENTS ARE CAUSED BY A ¡®HUMANE EXTINCTION¡¯ TREATY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE YOUR RULE THE FOLLOWING? ¡°Shorten the wait until the Second Game Event down to 24 hours¡± Panda and I shared a glance. He nodded. I nodded. Lordie wriggled. Brock seemed left out, so he squeaked a little. VERY WELL. THE NEW RULE SHALL BE IMPLEMENTED HEREUPON THIS VERY MOMENT. ¡°Before you go,¡± I said, as the pink light pillar began to surround him. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± MY CREATOR NAMED ME: ¡°THE BREEZE THAT TRANSCENDS MOMENTS AND GATHERS COSMIC DUST UPON A WEIGHING SCALE OF BONE¡± ¡°That¡¯s quite a mouthful,¡± Panda muttered, though he seemed unsurprised. I didn¡¯t skip a beat and said, ¡°See you later, Breezy.¡± PLEASE ALLOW ME SOME TIME BEFORE YOU CAUSE ANOTHER ISSUE FOR ME TO RESPOND TO. ¡°No promises.¡± And with that, the pillar absorbed the Adjudicator and whisked him away. Time immediately resumed and my throne of cans vanished, while the can of Tuna Ice-Cream hit the floor with a squelchy and metallic bonk. Bee finished turning around. ¡°Where did the lights go? Where¡¯s the Adjudicator?¡± ¡°Err, he sort of came and went, using some time-manipulation shenanigans,¡± I explained. ¡°Aw, I missed it!?¡± ¡°You ought to sit down,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Your whole body is glowing.¡± Before I could even look down at myself, my legs lost all strength. Then it was like I¡¯d gone diving with a car battery, as every muscle in my body tensed painfully. My vision went dark and spotty, as though I¡¯d clenched my eyes as hard as I could, and my hearing was overtaken by the sound of my wisdom teeth getting forcefully broken free from my jaws, which was odd, since I¡¯d already had them pulled out when I was a teen. After a couple minutes, a personal announcement followed and my hearing returned along with my vision. *BING!* Class Evolution complete! I uncurled from the fetal position, and stood up, turning this-and-that way to figure out what¡¯d changed. ¡°Did I sprout any new limbs, or a tail, or anything??¡± ¡°Hm. Your right eye is weird,¡± Panda said. ¡°I think it looks cool,¡± Bee commented. ¡°What¡¯s different about it!?¡± ¡°Also, all your Plugin Slots have been consolidated to the front of your torso,¡± Panda added, ignoring my pleading question. ¡°And the Plugins look like floppy disks now.¡± ¡°What are those?¡± Bee asked. I looked down at my chest. I hadn¡¯t even noticed that the holes in my clavicle and on my back were gone. In their place was a disc-tray made from my flesh set into the top of my ribcage, within which were slotted three obsidian-black floppy disks with bone-white labels on them that stated their names: ¡®unHaunt¡¯, ¡®unHero¡¯, and ¡®unVirtuous¡¯. ¡°That seems a lot more prone to someone yanking them out during a fight,¡± I muttered, a bit disappointed. ¡°At least swapping will be easier,¡± Bee noted. ¡°That¡¯s true.¡± Before I could pull up my Status screen and inspect the damage, an achievement followed.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Evolved 2: The Evolvening!¡¯ Evolved your Class for the second time!
If your first Evolved Class was broken, then this one is straight up encroaching on GAME Administrator territory! I shudder to imagine what happens if you evolve again¡­ Why on earth would you even be given such immense power?? It¡¯s truly absurd. It seems that our attempts to prevent you from utterly destroying the GREAT GAME was at a loss, and we¡¯re told the Adjudicator in charge of this Region has enjoyed your company¡­ Gods know what your New Rule will do to our GAME. We will find a way to stop you, mark my words.
Reward: ¡®Personal Rule¡¯ ability
¡®Personal Rule¡¯ x
Passive ¡°Don¡¯t you know who I am? I make the rules here!¡± Pick a new rule that only applies to you from the following options: - Cheat Death once - - Take no fall damage - - Become untraceable - - Friendly Public Transport - Your choice can be altered every 24 hours. Your currently-active Personal Rule is visible on your Appraisal.
¡°Nice,¡± Panda said, while he read through the options. I wanted to reply, but instead my mouth moved on its own and said, ¡°Game.newRule( ).¡± A bunch of symbols and text moved past my eyes at hyper-speed, but I had the uncanny sense that it was a Terms & Service Agreement that I¡¯d just automatically agreed to. Just like Adjudicator Breezy had said, my New Rule was already locked in and was applied immediately. A red ripple, similar to the heat haze visible on the road in summer, moved out from my body and across the city beyond, quickly vanishing from sight. ¡°Woah,¡± Bee muttered in awe. Then an announcement followed: GREAT GAME ANNOUNCEMENT! A new Rule has been implemented! The wait period between the end of the First GAME Event and the Second has been reduced from 7 Days down to 24 Hours. Once the First GAME Event ends for all Regions, the new 24-hour timer will begin. Chapter -93
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®It¡¯s all about me!¡¯ Altered the GREAT GAME.
Players aren¡¯t meant to even be able to affect the GREAT GAME, but here you are, adding new Rules as though you run this ship. But you don¡¯t! That being said, we¡¯re happy to see you chose to only make things more difficult for your World. We had projected about 150 million Players to survive the First GAME Event and 50 million to survive the Second. Now that everyone has only a day to prepare and level up, it¡¯s looking like just shy of 1 million will come out alive on the other side. Your decision has doomed your species to an early extinction. Congratulations. Here''s a crown for the King of Stupid.
Reward: ¡®Paper Crown¡¯
¡®Paper Crown¡¯ x
A crown of paper marking you as the King of Stupid. Wearing this on your head makes all Players within sight inclined to hurt you.
Weight: 0.01 Pandas
I grumbled at the achievement and the fast-food-restaurant-birthday-party-looking crown that appeared in my hands. Normally I would have torn it to shreds and tossed it to the wind, but I threw it in my inventory since I could think of some uses for it. Bee and I were finally on the move again, but the damn beacon on my head was already attracting attention towards us. It seemed fairly obvious that most of the people in the Madeville area was heading to Castleburg, and the two glowing beacons in a row had drawn them into our path. I¡¯d already activated my new ¡®Personal Rule¡¯ passive and given myself ''Cheat Death'', though I doubted I¡¯d actually need it, since I¡¯d been fine thus far. With a kickflip, I leapt off the ground on my longboard, catching its wheels on a broken lamppost and grinding along it, much to the excitement of the board. [SPECTACULAR!] A spinning arrow whistled above my head from one of our pursuers, but Bee was doing a good job returning fire from the air. We¡¯d killed two Players thus far, but it barely scratched their numbers. Fortunately, the various groups didn¡¯t work together, which we were using to our advantage, running them into one another and causing impromptu skirmishes to unfold. I hopped off the lamppost and hit the roof of a car, which inexplicably sent me skyward with a bounce. Having built up enough momentum through chaining several tricks together, I was able to fly high enough to land atop the edge of a five-story apartment building and continue grinding along the gutter, which really created a lot of distance to our pursuers. ¡°Turn right here!¡± Bee yelled as she swooped down towards me, keeping us on target by tracking the streets from the air. For some reason, Panda was sitting on her shoulder instead of mine. Flipping my board as I reached the corner of the building, I was able to instantly change the direction of my momentum. ¡°This thing wasn¡¯t kidding when it said that it broke physics.¡± Down below me were Players who were being overrun by monsters coming out of a barbecue restaurant and breathing scented smoke and fire, setting the whole street ablaze. ¡°Left!¡± Bee yelled and I quickly scanned the gutter I was still grinding along for a way to ramp over to the apartment building on the other side. Before I could figure out what to do, two arms caught me and lifted me across the fifty-foot gap. The longboard was stuck to the bottom of my soles as I soared through the air. I craned my neck around to thank Bee for the assist. Except¡­ it wasn¡¯t Bee. I was body-slammed into the flat stone roof of the building and the board disappeared off my feet from the damage. The back of my head was the first to hit and it rang like a church bell. My Carapace Suit was also sanded to a nice polish, as I tore across the roof with my attacker pinning me down, while he himself remained in the air. He wore a yellow raincoat with the hood up, totally obscuring his face in shadow, though two white perfectly-round eyes stared back at me from within. Fluffy grey-white angel wings sprouted from his back and he wore green rubber boots with frog faces on the front. Before we could even come to a rest, Bee flew in from the side and tore the guy off of me. They stumbled over each other, rolling again-and-again. As soon as they came to a halt, Bee was the first on her feet and she released a point-blank Moth Missile into his prone body. Raincoat Guy took all four hits, but somehow still got to his feet, before flapping his wings once to send himself backwards off the edge. ¡°Who was that!?¡± I asked her, running over to where she stood on the edge, trying to shoot Beetle Bolts after him as he fled down the street, flying low to use the piled-up cars as cover. ¡°I managed to appraise him,¡± she said.
Level 11 ¡®Matthew Twine¡¯ Player x
¡°*Intimidating Silence*¡± Class: Meatshield Main Attribute(s): Vitality Matthew has always been the least conspicuous member of his family, while his younger brother, William, was constantly in the limelight as the Running Back of the ¡®Madeville Trolls¡¯. He¡¯s often underestimated as a result. While Matthew¡¯s Class is nothing special, other than the fact that it makes him extremely difficult to kill, he is notable for the fact that he was the one to deal the killing blow to the ¡®Yellow Raincoat Demon¡¯ that roamed the forested mountains on the outskirts of Madeville. As a reward for killing this Roaming Boss he not only scored a Safe Zone Sphere, but also a winged raincoat allowing him to fly. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. He considers you a target worth hunting.
¡°Wasn¡¯t William Twine the guy who¡¯d turned into a Satyr?¡± Panda asked. I shrugged. ¡°No idea.¡± ¡°I remember the name from the screens we watched during the first Event,¡± Bee said. ¡°If he comes back, I¡¯ll try my new punch on him,¡± I said. ¡°Looks like he¡¯s running away pretty fast,¡± Panda said. ¡°Well, in that case, let¡¯s take a break.¡± ¡°Here?¡± Bee asked, looking around. ¡°Did you see any other fliers?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then it should be fine.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve still got a big-ass beacon above your head¡­¡± Panda pointed out. I sat down and pulled up my new Status screen, ignoring him:
Level -20 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Game.changer( ) x
---A RED BAR INVADING THE NEARBY CELLS WITH ITS MAD LOVE---
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Racing Bike Mana: !?M d?§Á
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Death Adder Intelligence: J Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: «H Perception: 917 Wisdom: (¨s¡ã¡õ¡ã)¨s Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®[Injection]¡¯ ¡®Punch.spinTheWheel( )¡¯ ¡®unHaunt'' ¡®unHero¡¯ ¡®unVirtuous¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯ ¡®Personal Rule¡¯
ULTIMATE
¡®Game.newRule( )¡¯
¡°Wait, look! I¡¯ve got numbers for my Perception now!¡± Bee looked at the screen after I shared it and said, ¡°It¡¯s over 300 times more than mine.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just really observant.¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably a tracker for all the things you failed to notice or something,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Maybe it doesn¡¯t matter if he gets an ability that scales off his Perception.¡± ¡°That would be really broken,¡± I replied thoughtfully. Panda shook his head. ¡°The Skill Cube¡¯s timer should be done now, by the way,¡± Bee then said. ¡°Finally!¡± I replied in excitement, pulling the cube out of my inventory.
¡®Unique Skill Cube¡¯ x
The puzzle has been solved and the unlock timer has ended. -Open?-
Weight: 1 Panda
The Rubik¡¯s Cube with the many symbols on it was still arranged in the way that Bee had solved it, but now a purple light was shining through the cracks, and with just the slightest pull, it unfolded into the shape of a flower. A single purple wisp sat in the center and I poked it with my finger, immediately unlocking a new skill.
¡®Time Save¡¯ x
Unique Ability Simple, yet undeniably-powerful. Do you like the irony of how long it took you to solve the puzzle versus the reward? We felt like we had to spell it out for you, since you might not have realized how funny we are. Resets all cooldowns. Cooldown: 24 hours This ability appears on your Appraisal!
¡°Wow!¡± Bee said as I shared the ability with her. ¡°That was really worth the wait!¡± ¡°A reset button is definitely gonna come in handy,¡± Panda remarked. Before I could respond, a personal announcement arrived: BENEFACTOR CHANGE ALERT! ¡®Miranda¡¯ has been outbid by your new Benefactor: ¡®The Pro-Glitch Confederation¡¯ ¡°Well damn, I¡¯ve just been sold to a new owner,¡± I said. ¡°¡®The Pro-Glitch Confederation¡¯¡­¡± Panda read aloud, sounding suspicious.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Under New Management¡¯ Receive a new Benefactor.
Most Players won¡¯t even see their first Benefactor until sometime during or after the Second GAME Event, and you¡¯re already on to number two¡­ You¡¯re really just speedrunning all these milestones, aren¡¯t you? But you know what they say, ¡®The Candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long¡¯. Also, fair warning, The Pro-Glitch Confederation are a bunch of idealists that don¡¯t mind tossing away promising Players for a chance to upset the balance of the GREAT GAME.
Reward: 30x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
¡°Pot calling kettle black,¡± I muttered, just as the first message rolled in from my new Benefactor.
Benefactor Quest
This is a Quest given to you by your Benefactor. Failure to complete the Quest will result in a penalty of the Benefactor¡¯s choosing. Hello Gambit. Big fan of your work. You¡¯re really making waves. We¡¯re going to help you make a real difference! Trust us that we know how to put a stick in the wheel of the Agencies, and in return you¡¯ll be greatly compensated. There is an Agency Nest hiding beneath the Mayor of Castleburg¡¯s house. Destroy it. Schmaical Schmackson, Vice-President of TPGC
Reward: 300x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
I frowned. ¡°They immediately gave me a quest.¡± ¡°It¡¯s where we¡¯re heading though,¡± Bee said. ¡°Maybe they¡¯re really aligned with your cause.¡± Panda put his fingerless arm on her head. ¡°For once I think Gambit¡¯s hunch is right.¡± ¡°This has total ¡®How do you do, fellow kids?¡¯ vibes all over it. It also just feels wrong to do it because they told me to.¡± ¡°You were okay with stripping for your Mistress,¡± Panda pointed out. ¡°I think you¡¯re being too paranoid,¡± she replied. ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°Even you agree with her, Lordie!? Traitor!¡± I yelled, pulling the hand-spider off my head and shaking it angrily. As I shook the Familiar, it felt as though my own brain was trembling inside my cranium, and blood began to leak out of my ears, nostrils, and tear ducts. ¡°Stop that!¡± Panda told me. ¡°You¡¯ll kill yourself!¡± Bee caught my arm. ¡°Let¡¯s just go to the Mayor¡¯s house first, then we¡¯ll see if the Pro-Glitch people are posers or the real deal.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± I said, putting Lordie back on my head. ¡°Me-ow!!¡± ¡°Sorry for shaking you. But you¡¯re still a traitor.¡± Chapter -94 Although we stuck to rooftops and I used my enhanced physique to leap across roof-after-roof, our progress was heavily slowed down without my longboard. ¡°Should I just use the Time Save to get my board back?¡± I asked Panda, who was back to sitting on my shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t be an idiot¡­ That thing has a 24 hours cooldown and your board will be available again in 17 minutes.¡± ¡°Maybe I can use my remaining Fusion Gum to make Time Save better,¡± I wondered, ignoring his advice. ¡°It might end up making it less useful,¡± he replied. ¡°And it might also be worth saving the Gum for something good later.¡± I skidded to a halt on the roof of an apartment building. Bee noticed and circled around, then descended from the air and landed next to me. ¡°You okay?¡± she asked. ¡°I¡¯m going to try something,¡± I told her and pulled my unCollide Plugin out of my inventory. Because of my Evolution, all the plugins had become floppy disks, even the ones that weren¡¯t installed during the transformation. Turning from metal cylinders into disks had also dropped their weight dramatically.
¡®unCollide Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Harvested from a Psychic Snail used in a Broadcast Department nest. When collision is a bother, just unCollide. Plugin Ability: back_door.bat Plugin Passive: Glitch Collision
Weight: 2.4151518 Pandas
¡°What are you doing?¡± Panda asked. I pulled out unHaunt and slotted in unCollide. PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unHaunt¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unCollide¡¯ protocol now in effect! I put the unHaunt Plugin back in my inventory and pulled out my Fusion Gum, then tossed it in my mouth and began chewing on it.
¡®Fusion Gum¡¯ x
Guess what flavor it has! That¡¯s right, it is the famous 7-course-meal flavor, all in a single piece of gum! Truly a marvel of science! Chewing this gum allows you to combine two skills into one, producing very powerful results.
Weight: N/A
The taste of vanilla-banana ice-cream filled my mouth, which was better than the synthetic grape I was used to, but still a disappointment, as I¡¯d hoped to be able to taste the full-course meal it advertised. Particularly since I¡¯d been able to taste the Sea Urchin thanks to the All-Mother altering my tastebuds. ACTIVATING SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. ¡°Gambit, don¡¯t do it,¡± Panda warned. ¡°Combine ¡®back_door.bat¡¯ with ¡®Glitch¡¯.¡± The plugin disk vanished from the slot in my chest, becoming glowing red particles that dissipated into the air in front of me. I tried to desperately gather the particles in my hands, but to no avail. ¡°Oh thank the Gods,¡± the plushie said with a sigh of relief. COMBINING SKILLS! One moment¡­ ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Rootkit¡¯
¡®Rootkit¡¯ x
Ability Moth System Technicians make great use of this ancient System spell to secretly monitor, infiltrate, and control the Agencies from the shadows, particularly when they go against their interpretations of the System. The Moths are feared by the Agencies because of this power, and now it is in your incapable hands¡­ Mark a target and gain the following options: .monitor( ) ¡ª See through their eyes .infiltrate( ) ¡ª Teleport to their location .control( ) ¡ª Force them to make an action Using .infiltrate( ) or .control( ) will put the ability on cooldown, but changing targets or using .monitor( ) does not trigger the cooldown. If the target¡¯s Perception is higher than yours, they will notice the Rootkit as it is installed and it will immediately be put on cooldown. WARNING! Possession of this Ability is prohibited! Utilizing this Ability constitutes major System Subversion! Counter-Spell Enforcers and Glitch Hunters will take notice of you, if you use this Ability! Cooldown: 4 hours
Panda whistled, although I wasn¡¯t sure how, since he didn¡¯t have any lips. ¡°Well that¡¯s a significant upgrade,¡± he said. ¡°I¡¯m glad you didn¡¯t screw with ¡®Time Save¡¯. Had me worried there for a second.¡± ¡°It destroyed my plugin,¡± I muttered, a bit disappointed. I pulled out unHaunt and put it back into the available slot. PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unHaunt¡¯ protocol now in effect! ¡°Bee, let me test it on you,¡± I said, after sharing the description with her. ¡°Will it hurt?¡± ¡°Probably his Perception is so low that it¡¯ll immediately go on cooldown,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± I replied and pointed my hand at her. ¡°Rootkit!¡± ¡°What about the Enforcers and Hunters?¡± Bee asked, waiting until after I used the skill to point out that it could get me in trouble¡­ A black screen with boot-up text appeared in the center of my vision, looking like a command prompt. I was starting to feel like a true Hackerman! Immediately, text began to scroll across the black screen as the ability started its effect. Rootkit initiating! ... ¡­Evading firewall... ... ¡­Generating backdoor... ... ¡­Playing ¡®im_in.mp3¡¯ through speakers¡­ ... Success! Rootkit installed on Player Target: ¡®Bee¡¯ ¡°How do you feel?¡± ¡°Did it work?¡± she asked, clearly having no idea that it was successful. ¡°It did. Let me try something. Rootkit.monitor( ).¡± The air in front of me flickered, before the command prompt was replaced by a Windows Vista-looking webcam screen. It showed a low-quality view of the world through Bee¡¯s eyes, with a massive delay and a generous amount of pixel artifacts. Despite all of this, I knew it had plenty of utility. ¡°That¡¯s creepy as hell,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Maybe I can mark a new target through the monitor screen,¡± I considered. ¡°The Infiltrate function is basically like the original Back Door ability. Not sure about forcing someone to perform an action, but¡ª¡± A shout from the street below cut me off, followed by the echoing clops of hooves, which filled the air. Then another scream sounded. We both went to the edge of the roof and looked down. As soon as we saw the source, Bee squealed excitedly and jumped off the ledge, engaging her wings. The equine creature below immediately galloped away, as though sensing the Moth Magician hunting it from the sky. As it took off, it left behind two gored Players, one who was already dead and the other bleeding out from a gaping hole in her torso. ¡°Bee! Come back!¡± I yelled. I managed to quickly pull out my Looking Glass and appraise the creature through the broken lens, just as it rounded the corner at the end of the street and disappeared from sight.
Level 25 ¡®Unicorn¡¯ World Boss x
¡°*Unicorn noises*¡± Ah yes, the unicorn. Graceful. Majestic. The epitome of fantasy dreamscapes. However, their horns grow inwards¡­ Yeah... It¡¯s a problem. These guys are hemorrhaging brain cells faster than the BPM of a hummingbird¡¯s wings. They¡¯re as much a danger to themselves as they are to you, and odds are if you don¡¯t finish it off, it¡¯ll do the job for you. But watch out, because Unicorns are capable of casting illusion magic! ¡­though usually they just confuse themselves before running into a wall or off a steep incline. That being said, anyone who kills it can score themselves quite a powerful reward! Truly the prime example of ¡®Never meet your heroes¡¯. F12
Chapter -95 The webcam screen still connected to Bee showed her flying after the fleeing Unicorn, as it galloped down the street and dodged abandoned cars. All the while she was yelling into my ears through the webcam feed with a sound that hit me with the unforgettably-garbled quality of an Xbox 360 headset mic: [Stop running horsey!!] ¡°Since when was Bee a horse girl?¡± I asked Panda. ¡°No idea, but you¡¯d better follow her,¡± he advised. I took a few steps back from the edge of the roof, then ran forward and leapt to the next building across the street, all while trying to gauge which direction the Unicorn and Bee were heading in, based on the webcam feed and the Manhunter Badge still locked onto her. As it ran, the horned horse lifted its tail and a puff of rainbow smoke came out. The smoke immediately altered the street, turning the asphalt into black quicksand and the lampposts into massive rainbow-colored garden eels, which immediately began reaching up for the flying Moth Magician with their mouths. ¡°Woah,¡± I muttered, as I leapt across another gap. ¡°Fart magic.¡± After I jumped to the next roof and went over to the edge, I came within view of the street with the Unicorn and flying Moth following it. She was twenty feet behind in the air and closing steadily. [Pspspsp!!] Bee¡¯s voice said, its grating quality hurting my ears worse than the Eldritch note of the Conspiracy Whistle. ¡°It¡¯s not a cat!¡± I yelled to her. ¡°Meow?¡± ¡°Ah, you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°What did he say?¡± Panda asked me. ¡°He said, ¡®Maybe pspspsp works on unicorns¡¯.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t figure out if you¡¯re making it up or are an actual hand-spider whisperer¡­¡± Drawn either by the sound of hooves or Bee¡¯s insistent cat-calling, a group of three Players came out of an alleyway between two apartment blocks. They positioned themselves between the abandoned trucks and cars that filled the street, barring the Unicorn¡¯s path. It neighed loudly and lowered its twirled horn, preparing to ram. One of the Players carried a large plywood door as a shield and hammered it into the ground, while casting some kind of fortifying spell. The surface of his door-shield glistened as though covered in a fresh layer of oil, while his teammates prepared their own weapons. The Unicorn rammed straight into the door, piercing it with its horn and impaling the Player, but the collision still managed to send it into a full-body flip that had it slamming onto its back. As it hit the asphalt, it crushed the Archer who¡¯d been using the Shield guy for cover. The remaining Player desperately began whacking the horse with two curved daggers, but the Unicorn¡¯s hide repelled each blow, as though it was Stab-resistant Kevlar. [Hey that¡¯s mine!!] Bee exclaimed in outrage, swooping down towards the overturned animal, which was wriggling its legs and body to try and get back upright. One of the dagger-wielding Player¡¯s weapons finally managed to dig into its hide and draw blood, but in response the Unicorn released a cloud of rainbow smoke that altered the surroundings and covered him in purple flames. He began to scream loudly and Bee halted her approach, remaining airborne while releasing Moth Missiles that struck the World Boss, but seemed to have little effect. The abandoned trucks were also touched by the smoke, turning into enormous pufferfish on wheels, with the asphalt below becoming beach sand. ¡°The Appraisal said it used ¡®illusions¡¯ right?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Seems pretty real to me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m more confused about why Bee is trying to kill it. I thought she wanted to catch it.¡± The Moth Magician was continuing to blast away with her magic, even tossing a Beetle Bomb down at it. ¡°It seems resistant to magic,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Guess it¡¯s my turn then,¡± I replied. I was on the roof of a five-story building and the Unicorn was on the street below, giving me a pretty clear shot. Exhaling slowly, I formed my right hand into a fist, making Brock produce a little squeak, while also triggering the Sea Urchin Ring. As my arm was covered in a shell full of spikes, I was already mid-sprint across the roof, building up momentum. With a powerful kick off from the ground, I leapt into the air and plummeted straight down towards the Unicorn that lay belly-up, presenting a perfect target. My fist was cocked back and ready to deliver devastation. ¡°Gambit! Use your wings!¡± Panda yelled as I fell like a human-shaped missile. ¡°Use them!¡± Just as I was about to come within reach, I flung my arm forward, attaining a perfect Superman pose, before shouting, ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± The very tip of an Urchin spike protruding from the middle-finger knuckle of the yellow balloon gauntlet touched the exposed belly of the Unicorn, when time froze with a pulse of golden energy radiating out from my fist. I could tell that everyone else could see what was happening, as their eyes were flicking around, but they couldn¡¯t move their bodies. I was likewise stuck, hanging mid-air and slowly coming to the realization that as soon as time resumed I¡¯d break quite a few bones in my body. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Panda was the only one not affected by the time-freeze, as he walked from my shoulder and onto the top of my head, where he sat down. Then a massive lottery wheel came down from above, as though lowered from a crane somewhere out of sight. An Announcer-type voice then filled the air, but it wasn¡¯t Jeza the Wasp this time, but rather a male TV Presenter with way too much enthusiasm in his voice and a slight Tennessee twang. Hello everybody watching at home! We¡¯ve got quite an exciting show for you today! Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has triggered a Lottery ability and now has to test his fortune against Lady Luck! And let me tell you, she¡¯s a fickle mistress, unless you¡¯ve got yourself a Greed Demon tweaking the odds! *Audience laughter* ¡°Where¡¯s that coming from?¡± Panda asked, looking around. My eyes could only look at the golden wheel divided into triangles by three black lines each bisecting it. At the top was a black flipper, which would serve to slow down the wheel¡¯s rotation by hitting the pegs of each triangle, while also picking the result. There was no text, symbols, or anything on the wheel yet. We have six potential outcomes of his Lottery ability and they are as follows: Loot Pi?ata Jelly Bones 10x Damage Arney the Tickler The Power of Friendship Demon Incursion As each potential outcome was listed, the word appeared on a triangle in either Green or Red text. ¡°I wonder what ¡®Arney the Tickler¡¯ does,¡± Panda said. I know a lot of y¡¯all are excited for the last option! *Howls and screams* Now then, are you ready to SPIN THAT WHEEL!? There was a pause, and I looked around, wondering what they were waiting for, until realizing I could use my mouth again. ¡°Err, yes, Spin the wheel.¡± Is that the best you can do, ¡®Gambit¡¯? Let¡¯s hear it again, but this time with gusto! ¡°SPIN THAT WHEEL!!¡± I yelled. Immediately the golden wheel began to pick up speed, turning so quickly that the text became one solid blur of yellow, as the red and green blended together. The sound was like the propeller of a plane, but within moments the plastic slap of the flipper overshadowed the spinning sound and the wheel began to visibly slow. ¡°Come on, Loot Pi?ata!¡± Panda exclaimed, pumping his fingerless arms excitedly. As the wheel slowed, it rolled past ¡®10x Damage¡¯, then ¡®Arney the Tickler¡¯, before almost skipping ¡®The Power of Friendship¡¯ but stopping just short of ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯. The result is: ¡®The Power of Friendship¡¯! I know many of you were sad that a portal to one of the Nine Demonic Realms wasn¡¯t opened, but better luck next time! As for the effect, here is what it does: ¡®Multiplies the damage of your attack by the number of friends who are with you¡¯ By our calculations, that number is 3, which means ¡®Gambit¡¯ will deal 3x extra damage! ¡°Three?¡± Panda asked, trying to do the math. ¡°I guess they didn¡¯t include me, but it would seem that they are counting Lordie, Bee, and Brock. Strange that they would count inanimate objects.¡± The wheel slowly lifted into the air before disappearing from sight. Then time resumed. ¡°Friendship Powah!!¡± Brock squealed as my punch connected.
Here''s how all spins of Punch.spinTheWheel( ) are decided: link to the image that determined today''s outcome The website is called "wheel of names" Since this is an RNG-based ability, I don''t want it to seem like a "I can steer the direction of the narrative by picking the best option" plot device, since that would go against the spirit of the ability. So far, the ability has been used 3 times in the story up to the point where Patreon is at, and every time I have used the first result it lands on, and I will continue to do so. This, in a way, also provides a pretty fun writing prompt for me, in a way, as I then have to adapt the story around whatever the outcome is, though none of them will be things that majorly alter the trajectory of the story. Chapter -96 My fist struck the upturned Unicorn in the belly with such force that it simply exploded in a shower of silver blood and pale-grey flesh. The sheer power of the strike generated a cushion of wind that sent the dagger-wielding Player skipping away along the ground and also pushed Bee higher into the air, while cancelling out my fall momentum and flinging me into an uncontrollable backflip, which terminated with me landing on one of the trucks that¡¯d become a pufferfish. My collision was with something solid rather than the squishy body of a giant balloon animal and I looked down to see that the illusion had been dispelled, as I was in the back of the truck¡¯s pick-up bed. The dagger guy came to a halt and slowly got to his feet, inspecting his own body for any remnants of the purple flames that¡¯d covered him, but he was completely unscathed. ¡°Illusions are scary,¡± I muttered, as I crawled out of the back of the truck. When I walked back to where the Unicorn had perished, Bee alighted next to me, a gleeful smile on her face. The force of my strike had formed a crater in the ground that had, moments prior, been beach sand, but was once again asphalt. ¡°Look how much meat it had!¡± she said excitedly, hopping around and scooping up the pale-grey flesh, which then disappeared into her inventory. I blinked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Horsemeat is delicious, don¡¯t you know??¡± ¡°You wanted to eat it?¡± Panda deadpanned. ¡°Oh thank God, I thought you were a horse girl!¡± ¡°What? No. Eww!¡± As the dagger-wielder saw us standing around the exploded remains of the Unicorn in the crater, he slowed down cautiously, looking ready to bolt at the first sign of hostility from us. ¡°You¡¯re Gambit, right?¡± he asked. He looked to be in his early twenties perhaps, with dirty-blonde hair, green-blue eyes, pudgy cheeks, and wearing a non-descript black hoodie and cargo pants. ¡°Depends on who¡¯s asking.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow. That¡¯s not a catchphrase!¡± ¡°What?¡± he asked, confused. Bee shared his appraisal with me from her Nerdy Spectacles:
Level 7 ¡®Chris¡¯ Player x
¡°Life goes on.¡± Class: Backstabber Main Attribute(s): Dexterity & Strength His name basically says it all. Chris is a background character in any setting he finds himself in. Being unseen has helped him with the Class he was awarded, as it is all about hitting things without them noticing until your blade has drawn their blood. He has somehow managed to survive being in four different groups that met an untimely end against an overwhelming challenge. The conclusions you draw from this will vary based on your personality, but, I mean, look at his Class... He knows about you, but wants to stay out of trouble and survive.
¡°Ominous name for a Class,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Why do you want to know?¡± I asked him, suspiciously. ¡°Listen, I don¡¯t want any trouble with you. I¡¯m not with Twine and those other guys, okay?¡± ¡°What other guys?¡± Bee asked. ¡°The ones who want revenge for Ophelia and Logan. I¡¯m not with those guys. I just want whatever my friends dropped when they died. Okay?¡± Next to the white glowing wisp of the Unicorn were two blue wisps belonging to the Archer and Shield-Door guy. Their bodies had been destroyed along with the World Boss though. I narrowed my eyes, ¡°That¡¯s pretty callous ¡®Chris¡¯. If that¡¯s even your real name.¡± Panda sighed. ¡°Not this again¡­¡± I whipped out my Conspiracy Whistle and shared the tooltip with him:
¡®Conspiracy Whistle¡¯ x
Sometimes conspiracies are spot-on, and other times they only breed more insanity. Blowing a note in this whistle reveals any shapeshifters within 10 yards, but inflicts +10% insanity to any Player within 100 yards.
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°Give me one good reason not to use this on you!¡± I yelled. ¡°And don¡¯t move an inch closer!!¡± ¡°Fuck em up!!¡± Brock squealed. ¡°Meow..¡± Lordie said knowingly. ¡°What do you mean he doesn¡¯t smell like a Skinstealer?¡± I asked the hand-spider, losing a bit of the wind in my sails. Chris the Backstabber finally seemed to notice the hand stuck to the top of my head and his eyes widened in confusion and disgust. ¡°Why is there a dead hand on your head??¡± If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°It¡¯s not dead,¡± Bee said. He used his finger to click away the tooltip I¡¯d shared and said, ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m not a Skinstealer¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s what a Skinstealer would say!¡± ¡°Gambit, let him finish,¡± Bee scolded me, taking pity on the guy for some reason. ¡°I just want the things my friends had on them when they died.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t seem very sad about them dying.¡± ¡°Well, life goes on. If I was to get sad every time someone near me dies, I would be sad nonstop. You¡¯ve also gotten numb to it, right? After some point, death just becomes a part of life. I¡¯m going to keep surviving, even if it means looting the bodies of my friends.¡± ¡°Pretty sure Gambit never had the ability to feel remorse for his actions,¡± Panda commented. I ignored him and told the Backstabber, ¡°You can loot your friends once we¡¯re done.¡± ¡°Got it,¡± he replied and sat down on the ground, putting his hands away from the two sheaths attached to his belt, which held his daggers. I watched him for a moment, then put my Whistle away. Bee went over to the white wisp of the World Boss and shared the Leftover items with me:
¡®Unicorn Blood¡¯ x
Did you know that Unicorns bleed silver? That alone makes this a valuable and sought-after commodity. But, with the right refinement technique, this ingredient can become a powerful Panacea, capable of curing any ailment! You could also just sell it, I guess.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡®Unicorn Horn¡¯ x
The horn of a Unicorn, formed from its flexible and durable white-silver hair. There¡¯s a bit of brain matter stuck to the part of it that grew backwards through the Unicorn¡¯s skull¡­ While you could wield it as-is like a stabby-stabby lance, it can also be turned into a special weapon by the hands of a skilled Wandering Smith, who sometimes stops by Safe Zones. Deals double damage to certain creatures, like Undead and Demons, due to its pure nature.
Weight: 3.2 Pandas
¡°Dibs on the horn!¡± she immediately said. ¡°That¡¯s fine, I¡¯ll take the blood.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Fairytale Hunter¡¯ Hunted and murdered a fantastical creature.
All the little girls in the Children¡¯s Zone aboard the Child Protective Services mothership are crying right now, after we showed them the video of you killing the Unicorn. They¡¯re inconsolable, and it¡¯s all thanks to you, you sick monster! Anyway, here¡¯s your reward. When you devour it, make sure to smile for the invisible camera that¡¯s following you.
Reward: 40x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ & ¡®Unicorn Liver¡¯
A cold and slimy grey lump covered in dark veins landed in my hands. ¡°Oooh, horse liver!¡± Bee said excitedly and immediately began eating it raw. I frowned and inspected it:
¡®Unicorn Liver¡¯ x
The liver of a Unicorn, fairytale creature beloved by children all over the world, that you slayed. To unlock the power within, you¡¯ve got to eat it while smiling at the camera.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Fuck whoever is making these pop-ups,¡± I said and bit into it. Then, while the cold and slimy meat filled my mouth with a bitter taste that not even the Pearnana effect could overshadow with its vanilla-banana flavor, I smiled for whatever ¡®camera¡¯ was observing me.
Choose your reward! x
Great, you made the children cry again, when we showed them the footage of you eating the liver. Did you know that the Unicorn¡¯s backstory was that it just wanted to escape the city and find a home in the forest? That¡¯s right, we gave it a whole backstory! But then you murdered it in cold blood!
Pick one of the options: ¡®.unicorn( )¡¯ | ¡®The Unicorn Effect¡¯ | ¡®Fart Magic¡¯
¡®.unicorn( )¡¯ x
Ability What¡¯s this doing in the System¡¯s code?? Causes a unicorn-themed ¡®event¡¯ to happen in your general vicinity. That¡¯s the best description we can come up with, since the Moths interpreting the System won¡¯t tell us what it actually does¡­ Cooldown: 10 minutes
¡®The Unicorn Effect¡¯ x
Passive People always say that you can¡¯t trap lightning in a bottle. Well, they¡¯re wrong! This Passive manages to capture an effect that is usually impossible to replicate! You become popular without any effort and people just love everything you do, even when your heart clearly isn¡¯t in it.
¡®Fart Magic¡¯ x
Passive If you knew what the diet of a Unicorn consisted of, you wouldn¡¯t be surprised by the fact that their farts are literally magic. Also, say goodbye to ever being able to use a toilet again. You gain uncontrollable flatulence, but all your farts turn into lilac-and-lavender-smelling rainbow clouds, which randomly transform your surroundings into illusions that are generally beneficial to you.
As I considered the options, I saw that even Chris was holding a Unicorn Liver in his hands where he sat. ¡°Is this really worth eating?¡± he asked us. ¡°I got a new Class ability,¡± Bee told him. I picked ¡®.unicorn( )¡¯, mostly out of curiosity, and said, ¡°Me too.¡± The Backstabber sighed and bit into the slimy flesh, immediately gagging violently. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to smile!¡± Bee told him. ¡°I hate this Game,¡± he mumbled, then faked a smile. ¡°.unicorn( ),¡± I said, activating my new ability. The sound of a jet came from something that soared down the street, just above rooftop-level, and when it passed over us, it left behind a trail of rainbow smoke, almost like in an airshow. The ¡®jet¡¯ turned out to be a unicorn with a rainbow-colored mane and its legs splayed out to the sides like wings. We all watched as it continued down the street, before angling ninety degrees into the air and disappearing up into a cloud that manifested right above it a few seconds later. ¡°What the fuck was that?¡± Chris asked, half a chunk of liver hanging out of his open mouth. ¡°Was that your new ability?¡± Bee added. ¡°I have no idea what that did,¡± I replied. ¡°This is where curiosity gets you¡­¡± Panda muttered disapprovingly. ¡°You should¡¯ve picked ¡®The Unicorn Effect¡¯.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t wait to use it again,¡± I said, ignoring him. Chapter -97 ¡°Well, I¡¯m off,¡± said Chris. He was holding the object that manifested thanks to him activating the ability he picked from eating the Unicorn Liver. The wooden unicorn head of the hobby-horse reared up as he kicked off from the ground and began running, quickly picking up speed, while a faint rainbow trail followed behind him. Unbeknownst to Chris, probably due to his Insanity Gauge being too low, the hobby-horse unicorn was screaming like a banshee non-stop. ¡°I wish I¡¯d gotten that instead of the longboard,¡± I said with a frown. Bee gave me a stink-eye. ¡°If I get another fusion gum, I¡¯m combining ¡®.unicorn( )¡¯ with ¡®Skater Boy¡¯,¡± I promised. ¡°Speaking of, your Skateboard is off cooldown,¡± Panda told me. ¡°We should probably get to the Mayor¡¯s house, before more people like Matthew Twine show up.¡± ¡°I wonder why the Agents haven¡¯t shown up again,¡± Bee mused. ¡°You think all the people who want Gambit dead are politely taking turns?¡± ¡°That would make the Ants next in line, I think,¡± I replied. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s how it works,¡± Panda commented. ¡°What about whatever decision the Adjudicator made about jurisdiction before the first Event?¡± Bee reminded him. ¡°The Adjudicator made it clear that his primary concern is fairness. This probably extends to the Agencies. My guess is that they are not allowed to work together nor interfere with each other. If the REPD Agents aren¡¯t chasing us, it¡¯s probably because another Agency is in this area, ready to jump us. Basically, let¡¯s get to the Mayor¡¯s house, instead of standing in the open where we¡¯re easy targets.¡± ¡°So long as they won¡¯t interfere with my revenge, then I don¡¯t care. They¡¯ll all die anyway.¡± I brought out the longboard and did a stationary ollie to get some momentum started. [BRUTAL!] ¡°It¡¯s a fucking ollie¡­¡± I muttered and pushed myself forward. While rolling down the street, Bee came flying down next to me and held on to my right shoulder to leech off my speed. ¡°How many Agencies are actually after you?¡± she asked. ¡°Err¡­¡± I started, but had no idea, truth be told. ¡°It¡¯s a lot,¡± Panda answered. ¡°The REPD, of course. The Child Protective Services Ants, the Broadcast Spiders, Announcer Riii¡¯s fans, maybe the Ambusher Mantids, oh and those terrifying Glitch-Hunters. Besides them, I¡¯m sure Miranda isn¡¯t happy about being outbid and you¡¯ll probably get a visit from her next ¡®Good Boy¡¯. And let¡¯s not forget Twine and the Maximillians¡¯ adoring fans.¡± ¡°Put like that, it¡¯s quite a lot actually¡­¡± I remarked. ¡°You do have quite the power to make enemies,¡± he replied. ¡°Judge a man by the enemies he makes,¡± Bee mused. ¡°I must be pretty strong then,¡± I determined. I hopped over a limousine flipped onto its roof, spinning the board below me, while Panda sat on my left shoulder, Lordie was on my head, and Bee had an iron-grip on my other shoulder. [SHREDDING!] I landed on the side of the wheels and skidded along them, tearing down the street faster than should be possible. Around us were limousines, Hummers, and armored vehicles, either just parked in the middle of the road or tossed aside by something powerful, like whatever had flipped the limousine. There were no signs of either Humanbus or Metro Train, but that didn¡¯t mean this area didn¡¯t have its own World Bosses. The buildings around here, were, like the vehicles, quite ostentatious, or, put more plainly, they belonged to the upper crust of fucks, chief amongst which was of course the Mayor. His mansion lay at the heart of the area and exemplified everything wrong with this part of the city. With a hop and half spin, I got the board back onto its wheels, with the mouth at the front letting out a drawn-out [WHEEEW!] Bee let go of my shoulder and started lifting up into the air, retaining the momentum she¡¯d borrowed from me, while I slalomed around the abandoned and overturned cars. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. The moment I passed another limousine, a dark shape leapt out at me and I instinctively ducked with my board still rolling, while sending my right fist up into the bottom of its jaw. ¡°Boom!¡± said Brock, while a crack of static electricity filled the air. I spun the longboard and skidded to a halt, wanting to inspect whatever I¡¯d just killed. ¡°Watch out!¡± Bee yelled, and I hopped back a step with my board, just as a silver dagger moved past my face. Four Moth Missiles struck the hooded figure a second later, the first two dealing enough damage to kill it. I got off the board and looked around, seeing ten more similar figures approaching from the shadows of the many vehicles. ¡°Have we walked into a cult meeting?¡± I asked. The figures were all identical: crimson hooded robes covering their features, their faces totally obscured by darkness, and silver weapons glinting in their hands. It seemed kind of a random selection of items though, as they wielded daggers, shovels, shortswords, claws, hand-scythes, and more. As Bee came over to where I¡¯d stopped, she hovered in the air above, rotating to get an overview. ¡°They¡¯re very weak, but don¡¯t let their weapons hurt you!¡± she said, sharing the appraisal of one.
Level 7 ¡®Cult Member¡¯ Enemy x
¡°We are the Cult!¡± If you couldn¡¯t tell, these guys belong to ¡®The Cult¡¯, which is a Cult that does Culty things in a very occult manner, involving blood and silver and phrases like, ¡°I love not having to think for myself!¡± It should come as no surprise that this cult was formed of all the rich people with too much money and too little personality. Until the GREAT GAME, this was really nothing more than excuse for kinky orgies and getting together every Thursday and Sunday evening for Culty barbeque. Now they all serve a true Cult of blood and silver, and their weapons have true power, unlike the blunt props they used to carry on them. Guess who their leader is.
¡°Their leader has to be Mayor Noah Sullivan!¡± I exclaimed, immediately leaping for the nearest one. Bee began to fire off Beetle Bolts from her raised vantage, each shot leading to a kill. My punches were also devastating them with every hit. ¡°They¡¯re too weak!¡± I complained, as I kicked one in the face with my soft Schmonic Boot, still managing to shatter his skull despite the significantly-lowered damage that the Boots caused my kicks to inflict. With the last of the Cultists dead on the road, bodies crushed and pierced, a few wisps of Leftovers drew my attention.
¡®Cultist Robes¡¯ x
The crimson hooded robes of a Cult Member. Wearing these robes makes you able to blend in with other members of The Cult.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Why would we want to fit in with the Cult¡­?¡± I muttered. ¡°We should take them, just in case,¡± Bee said. After looting all the bodies, we had a total of twelve Game Coins that we split between us, as well as three robes. We continued more cautiously as we headed to the Mayor¡¯s Mansion, passing by a park with a little pond that was deeply-familiar to me, since I¡¯d spent two nights in the bushes, stalking my prey from there. We didn¡¯t see any of the Cult Members, which made me wonder if we¡¯d killed all the ones that¡¯d come out of the dungeon that was sure to be inside the Mayor¡¯s house. Around here, all the buildings were the type to start at the low double-digit millions. But no matter how much money each of the former residents of this area had spent on their fancy houses, they all looked as though they were designed by the same guy. ¡°Money really doesn¡¯t equal taste,¡± Bee remarked in disdain, as she saw a fountain in someone¡¯s driveway, and a gold-plated scooter in another¡¯s garage. A few moments later, we drew up to the Mayor¡¯s Mansion. It was the biggest one in the area. As we came to the metal gates, which were left open, a large manicured garden greeted us. A gravel road snaked through the garden and up to the front door, but something made me stop right before the gate threshold. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, my hand pointed at the open air. DUNGEON ¡®The Cultist Mansion¡¯ SNEAK-PEEK: Recommended Player level: 12 Average Player level: 4 Players inside: 2 Player deaths: 23 Enemies slain: 9 Bosses slain: 0 ¡°How did you know this was the entrance?¡± Panda asked me. ¡°Lucky guess,¡± I replied with a shrug. Bee alighted next to me. ¡°Are we going in?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± ¡°We should put the robes on,¡± she said. ¡°It¡¯s a waste of time to fight the cultists.¡± She was right, but that didn¡¯t mean I liked wearing red. ¡°Fine,¡± I said with a sigh. ¡°Let¡¯s go find out where the Mayor is.¡± Chapter -98
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Sheep¡¯s Clothes¡¯ Used a disguise to fit in with a Cult.
You might be thinking, ¡®Oh wow, what a highly-specific achievement for my very unique scenario!¡¯ Wrong! There are countless Cult-related Dungeons and encounters that offer up Cultist Robes to allow you to fit in and avoid detection. You¡¯re not a genius, we designed you to take this path. That¡¯s right, you¡¯re just a child playing within our sandbox! But, fortunately for you, good children get good rewards.
Reward: 20x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
¡°The person writing these messages is not very nice,¡± commented Bee, in response to getting the same achievement. The crimson robes I was wearing were like XXL, and with how the hood draped over Lordie who sat atop my hair, it looked like I had a freakishly-shaped head. I lifted my arms, the overlong sleeves spilling over my hands. ¡°There¡¯s no way we¡¯re fooling anyone,¡± I replied. ¡°It¡¯s working so far,¡± Panda remarked. We¡¯d made it half-way up the gravel path to the Mansion¡¯s front door. The building was just as I recalled. A gaudy white-painted three-story home with way too many windows and balconies, which was how I¡¯d made it inside during my last visit. It was the most basic image of wealth imaginable, and yet the other houses we¡¯d seen on the way here had been no different. Around us, in the manicured garden, were what I could only describe as a Cultist Tea Party, with figures in robes like ours sitting around white metal tables sipping on fancy cups and eating biscuits. ¡°Meow..¡± said Lordie. ¡°Couldn¡¯t have said it better myself,¡± I replied. ¡°What did he say?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Look,¡± Bee interjected before I could translate, pointing to two suspicious figures who huddled close within the shadow cast by a balcony on the second floor. Not far from them were a few gardeners, also in robes, using silver hedge-clippers and swords to sculpt trees and bushes into smooth and pleasant-to-look-at shapes. ¡°Those must be the two Players the Sneak-Peek mentioned,¡± I said. ¡°How can you tell?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Because they¡¯re acting weird,¡± Bee answered. ¡°And their robes also don¡¯t fit,¡± I added. ¡°Bee¡¯s fits her perfectly,¡± Panda countered. ¡°That¡¯s only because of my wings,¡± she said. The two figures were suddenly looking in our direction. Bee waved at them. ¡°What are you doing!?¡± I hissed at her. ¡°Maybe they¡¯re friendly like Chris?¡± ¡°We¡¯re not here to make friends,¡± I told her. ¡°Aw, look, they¡¯re leaving,¡± she complained. The pair moved around the building to avoid us, and I had the sense that they didn¡¯t care much about actually clearing this Dungeon. Based on the average level the Sneak-Peek had mentioned, they probably didn¡¯t have a chance of clearing the boss encounter. So, instead of fighting, they were seemingly just hiding here, waiting for someone else to clear the place out. Or, more concerningly, they might intentionally be living here for protection, since the Cultists didn¡¯t bother them. The fact that they were avoiding us made this possibility seem just as likely as the first. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. With Bee and I here, they wouldn¡¯t have to wait long, if their aim was to be set free, but, to complicate matters, other Players were arriving into the Dungeon behind us. The Winged-Raincoat Guy; an honest-to-God Knight in full metal plate with a greatsword; a woman in a basketball jersey holding a bowling ball and pin; and a teenage boy in white robes, with a wooden staff that screamed ¡®healer¡¯, stepped onto the gravel. I spun around to face them, but Bee put a hand on my shoulder. ¡°Let¡¯s not fight them yet.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± I asked. ¡°They haven¡¯t noticed us yet. It¡¯s the perfect time to strike.¡± ¡°Let the Cultists soften them up first,¡± Panda said. Bee nodded. ¡°None of them are wearing robes, and, look, the Cultists have noticed them already.¡± Without a single word between them, which was honestly super creepy, the full host of Cult Members lounging in the garden, as well as several from inside the Mansion, started walking towards the newcomers. Matthew Twine immediately engaged his fluffy wings and took to the air, acting both as the vanguard and scout of his group. He started flying towards us and I prepared myself, clenching my right fist that, despite the balloon gauntlet, was also covered by the long sleeve of my robes. ¡°I¡¯m fakkin ready!¡± squealed Brock. As soon as he was airborne, the Cultists changed behavior. They surged forward as one, their arms limp behind them, while their legs strode down the soft grass-covered hill. Even more of them came from within the big house and there were over forty of them now. ¡°Keep an eye on Angel Boy,¡± I told Panda, while turning back towards the Mansion and hurrying up the path, with Bee right behind me. Although she was the one that¡¯d urged me to feed them to the Cultists, I could tell that she really wanted to go airborne and take on Matthew Twine, since he¡¯d been able to escape last time. As we ran up the gravel path, I felt certain that we¡¯d be spotted easily, since our movements went against the flow of the Cult Members that kept pouring out from the building, carrying weapons of dozens of varieties, with the only commonality being that they were all silver. However, it seemed the mass movement concealed us. By the time we got to the front door, which was wide open and continued to spew out red-robed figures, the garden path had more than sixty Cultists arrayed around the four intruders, although they couldn¡¯t reach the guy who flew above them. Weapons were clashing loudly, disturbing the idyllic culty calm, with many robed corpses already spread about the lawns. But the ones coming out of the Mansion seemed to have no end to them, and the Players hunting me were not killing them fast enough. They were going to be overrun within the next two minutes. ¡°What a shot!¡± Panda suddenly exclaimed and I looked up, just in time to catch Winged-Raincoat Guy falling out of the air on a spiraling trajectory, a silver javelin stuck through his left wing. I wanted to go for him, but as soon as he touched down on the grass, near an abandoned white-painted metal table, ten Cultists jumped him immediately, totally obscuring him from sight. Bee frowned, but then pulled me through the door, as yet more crimson robes moved past us. ¡°Why did you not want to fight them?¡± I asked her. ¡°Because last time we went in without a plan, both of us nearly died.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t almost die,¡± I replied. ¡°You used your invulnerability thing from your Cloak,¡± Panda reminded me unhelpfully. ¡°So? It all worked out in the end.¡± ¡°If Matthew Twine had been stronger when he tackled you on the roof, you would¡¯ve been dead,¡± Bee said. ¡°I would¡¯ve lived, I¡¯ve got a Cheat Death ability now.¡± ¡°I think you¡¯re missing her point, Gambit,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°With other Players growing stronger, attacking them without a plan becomes significantly more dangerous,¡± she argued. ¡°So what? We just sit here and wait for them to almost die before we fight them? That¡¯s lame.¡± ¡°No, we find out where the Mayor is, like you wanted, while they keep all the enemies busy.¡± ¡°Oh, that¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s not a bad idea actually.¡± Panda opened his mouth to make a comment, but then thought better of it. ¡°Just say it,¡± I told him. ¡°No, I¡¯ll save it. If I praise you too often, you might get full of yourself.¡± ¡°He already is,¡± Bee muttered. ¡°I can hear you, y¡¯know¡­¡± ¡°Me-ow.¡± ¡°Et tu, Lordie!?¡± As the fighting outside occupied the Cultists and Players both, we went through the three floors, looking for signs of the Mayor. The house interior was completely different from when he had actually lived here. It had very strong culty vibes now, thanks to many silver decorations, scores of red candles all over, and wine glasses filled with blood. ¡°I suppose you must be pleased,¡± Panda noted. ¡°All your suspicions about the Mayor are proven true.¡± ¡°This has nothing to do with Skinstealers,¡± I replied, while in the middle of pulling on every book lined on the shelves of a bookcase in a second-floor study. However, none of them were clever switches revealing a hidden room. While there were plenty of signs of occult activity, none of it was specific to the Mayor and thus utterly useless. ¡°Do you think Logan came in here?¡± I asked. ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± Bee replied. ¡°The view we saw broadcasted of him in the chamber below the Mall was just him going past the park in this area.¡± ¡°It¡¯s possible that the Announcer lied to you about him actually gunning for the Mayor,¡± Panda added. I didn¡¯t like how much sense that made, since, after all, Logan didn¡¯t seem to have had any specific goal, as he moved through Castleburg. Particularly since he had immediately hid inside a Dungeon, when I put out the Manhunt Quest. ¡°I¡¯ll find a way to deal with her during the next event,¡± I promised. ¡°What do you think this is?¡± Bee asked, lifting up a piece of silver that looked like the bottom-half of a mask, which had a fanged grin. It had apparently just been lying on top of a large mahogany desk placed in front of a window overlooking the garden. Outside, the four Players were fighting for their lives, while making our search for clues a total breeze. I narrowed my eyes at piece of silver. ¡°Inspect.¡±
¡®Silver Mask Fragment (bottom)¡¯ x
The bottom fragment of a mask made from silver. Perhaps it can be used for something if you find the other half.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Ahah! A clue!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°I wonder if the other piece is as easy to find,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Do you think it opens a secret door?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Of course it does! This isn¡¯t a proper Cult if they don¡¯t have secret doors and hidden basement chambers for ritualistic sacrifices.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s check the third floor,¡± she said, the excitement of searching for clues overcoming her as well. Chapter -99 The top half of the mask was in the bathtub on the third-floor. Or, more accurately, on the face of a dead Cultist lying in a bathtub full of blood¡­ It was made of silver like the other half and had two narrow slits for eyes to look through.
¡®Silver Mask Fragment (top)¡¯ x
The top fragment of a mask made from silver. Perhaps it can be used for something if you find the other half.
Weight: 1 Panda
I pulled out the bottom-half and tried to stick them together. But nothing happened. ¡°Hmm¡­¡± I grumbled annoyed. ¡°Maybe there¡¯s like a special pedestal for it?¡± Bee wondered. ¡°Just like in Resident Evil!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°You¡¯re a genius!¡± She looked to Panda for an explanation, but he just shook his soft head. ¡°Now, where would they be hiding such a thing?¡± I muttered, looking around the bathroom. The floor was tiled with white and black diamond-shaped marble tiles, and the bathtub was a rounded old-looking porcelain thing with silver claws lifting it off the ground. On the floor were bloody footprints leading towards the bathtub, but aside from that the rest of the room was normal, or well, as normal as the rest of the interior of this Cult Clubhouse. ¡°Let¡¯s try downstairs,¡± Panda advised. ¡°You mentioned a basement.¡± ¡°Before the Great Game, the Mayor only had a wine cellar, but I¡¯m willing to bet there¡¯s something more down there now.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t see any stairs leading down from the ground floor,¡± Bee commented. I grinned. ¡°That can only mean one thing.¡± Her face curled into a smile as well, ¡°A secret door!¡± We both ran out of the bathroom towards the stairwell leading down. It was made of white-painted wood and curled around forty-five degrees as it descended to the second floor, with the steps creaking slightly as we hurried down. Through a window, I saw that there was still fighting going on outside the mansion, but it seemed fairly clear that the Cultists had killed at least a couple of the Players, as the large mob was only focused around two people: the Raincoat Angel and the Healer. We continued moving down the next forty-five-degree spiral staircase to the first floor, but as soon as we reached the bottom, we ran right into the two other Players from Raincoat¡¯s group: the Knight and the Bowler chick. The woman had lost her bowling ball and pin, and she was bleeding profusely from two parallel stab-wounds in her abdomen. The Knight¡¯s armor was dented and scratched, with a few puncture-holes here-and-there, though none of his wounds were as life-threatening as the woman¡¯s. ¡°That¡¯s why you don¡¯t wear a basketball jersey as protection,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°You!¡± roared the Knight, the voice muffled and deepened by the close-helm that had a slit for the eyes to look out of above the ¡®beak¡¯ covering the mouth. It was, surprisingly, a woman¡¯s voice. I pointed a finger at her, although it was swallowed up by my excess sleeve. ¡°Don¡¯t you ¡®You!¡¯ me! You¡¯re the ones chasing me for no reason!¡± ¡°You killed Ophelia and Logan!¡± ¡°They challenged us to a fight,¡± Bee protested. ¡°It¡¯s not our fault they were weak!¡± ¡°Everyone knows Gambit is a cheater! Twine said so!¡± retorted the Knight. Meanwhile, Bowler chick was dying in her arms. ¡°Listen, we don¡¯t have time to kill you, so just go somewhere else to die,¡± I told her. ¡°You¡¯re not going anywhere, murderer!¡± I sighed and took a step forward, punching Brock into the air in front of me. The impact exploded the end of my right sleeve and sent a powerful blast into the middle of the Knight¡¯s body, tossing her and her dying friend down along the hallway that led to a garden patio. They slid along the floor most of the way, and the Knight was struggling to get back onto her feet, giving us enough time to find the secret entrance. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. As we left, she roared after us, but it was to no avail. ¡°Let¡¯s go find that basement!¡± I said. ¡°You¡¯re just going to leave them like that?¡± Panda asked, confused. ¡°They¡¯re already dead,¡± I replied, although I also just felt bad about beating on someone whose friend was dying in their arms. ¡°Ugh, is this what morals feel like? It¡¯s so sticky and gross.¡± Bee followed me into a 60¡¯s-styled totally-white-painted kitchen, where cold-cuts of bloody meat were prepared on platters, and red liquid was filled into wine glasses. All the utensils were silver, along with all the knives and other tools hanging around the walls. I scratched my head, looking around frantically, while awaiting the Knight¡¯s return, as it was clear the woman valued death at my hands more than the life of her friend. One thing I¡¯d noticed belatedly, was that the steady stream of Cultists had stopped, which explained why the two Players could get inside the mansion. ¡°There used to be a narrow staircase down to a wine cellar in here, before it was changed.¡± Bee was eyeing a round table with six chairs and placemats, for some reason. I began looking through the cupboards, shelves, and refrigerator for any hidden switches that might reveal a trapdoor or something. This mostly just meant scooping my arms along the shelves and throwing everything down onto the floor. Meanwhile, Bee was placing items on the round table. ¡°What are you doing?¡± I asked her, looking over my shoulder. ¡°There¡¯s a pattern here, but it¡¯s missing something,¡± she said, staring intently at the table. I stopped emptying the freezer of frozen slabs of meat and went over to look at the table as well. It seemed that a few things were missing, like utensils and napkins. ¡°Maybe we have to fully prepare it?¡± I asked her. ¡°You might also have to place the cold-cuts on the plates and pour the ¡®wine¡¯ into the glasses,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Good thinking,¡± Bee said, and we immediately began setting the table. While we were doling out even portions of the cold-cuts, two Cultists walked into the kitchen. Bee and I froze, but then she said, ¡°It¡¯s the people from earlier.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll help you,¡± said one of them, a man with a high-pitched voice. Their faces were obscured by the darkness of their hoods. ¡°There are other Players here,¡± Bee told them, ¡°So be careful.¡± The four of us quickly finished decorating the table, and the Moth Magician eyed it for a while, before lifting something that¡¯d been placed in the very center between the six plates: a small silver bell. DING! The reverberations of the bell sounded throughout the entire mansion, and a beat of silence followed, before tremors shook the floor. The sound of scraping stone came from outside the room. ¡°The staircase!¡± I said, and we ran back to where we¡¯d come from, leaving the two disguised Players in the kitchen. As we came back out into the hallway with the stairwell, I saw that the floor below the spiraling stairs had opened up with stone steps leading down below the Mansion. At the other end of the hallway, the Knight was using a sewing kit to patch up the Bowler chick, but it was too late, as the woman¡¯s eyes and limbs were lifeless. She looked up and saw us, then screamed furiously. A second later, the Healer and Matthew Twine appeared behind her. The Raincoat Angel¡¯s wings looked pretty tattered. ¡°Oh shit,¡± I muttered. ¡°Bee get down into the basement, I¡¯ll handle this!¡± She didn¡¯t leave my side and instead pointed her hands towards them and yelled, ¡°Furniture Fortification!¡± Chairs, cupboards, benches, paintings, statues, lamps, and other random junk flew out of the rooms joining the hallway, absolutely clogging up the middle of it and blocking the Players from our view. ¡°Now we go,¡± she told me. ¡°I still don¡¯t get why we¡¯re running,¡± I replied, but nonetheless followed her down the steps into the darkness below. The stairs led down for a while, before evening out into a dark stone hallway that was lined with torches lit by fire. The atmosphere was completely different from the rest of the Mansion, but still had some proper Cult vibes going on. We ran to the end of the hallway and were met with a round room that had no other exits. In the center was a skeleton sitting in a silver throne and wearing red robes with the hood up. Its head was leaned back, as though awaiting something. ¡°The mask!¡± I realized, pulling out the pieces and placing the bottom-half on its face. It snapped to the skeleton¡¯s bottom jaw like a magnet. The sound of running footsteps echoed down the stone hallway and I quickly placed the top-half, which flew onto the skeleton¡¯s face with a powerful tug out of my hands. Stock laughter immediately filled the room, and the floor began to tremble and rotate. Down the way we¡¯d come, the three Players chasing me were briefly visible, before the turning room closed off the hallway and opened up another path directly opposite. The skeleton in the throne had done a full 180 spin.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Puzzle Me This¡¯ Completed a puzzle in a Dungeon.
The Dungeon Architect Termites are very pleased to see you not breaking this particular Dungeon, as they put a lot of effort into it. They are still quite upset about you breaking the Dungeon Barrier of the Challenge Dungeon, but they are willing to let it slide if you don¡¯t do it again. Also, you might be saying, ¡®Didn¡¯t I already do a puzzle in another Dungeon?¡¯ And the truth is, you might have, but not all of them count for achievements like this. Don¡¯t ask me why. The System decides the rules here. We just follow them.
Rewards: 15x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ & ¡®Puzzle Box¡¯
¡°I guess that deals with them for now,¡± I commented. ¡°Although I could¡¯ve just killed them.¡± ¡°I do agree that we¡¯re just delaying the inevitable,¡± Panda added. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s because of the Moth Mania making me see patterns everywhere, but I think we shouldn¡¯t kill off all the powerful Players in our Region. Yes, Gambit is powerful, but there will no doubt be things he can¡¯t defeat on his own at some point.¡± I scoffed. ¡°I¡¯m serious!¡± she said. ¡°Fine, I get your point, but we already lost Samantha, and while Logan and his sister might¡¯ve been able to do a lot of good, they decided to use their powers like tyrants. The Police Chief¡¯s bodyguard was no different. And Raincoat Kid and Co. won¡¯t stop pursuing me.¡± ¡°Fine, let them keep hunting us. Their drive for revenge will make them stronger.¡± ¡°Damn, Bee, that¡¯s pretty twisted,¡± Panda commented. ¡°No, she¡¯s got a point. Revenge is good.¡± ¡°It most definitely isn¡¯t,¡± the plushie replied all-knowingly, but I just ignored him.
If you can''t wait to read the next chapter, I made it free on my Patreon. Click here to read Chapter -100 Bee was looking at the two Puzzle Boxes we¡¯d gotten from the last achievement, her eyes focused like a hawk¡¯s.
¡®Puzzle Box¡¯ x
Since you¡¯re so good at solving puzzles, take a crack at this! The reward inside is random. It might be a packet of ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯ or it might be a viper with an uncurable venom in its fangs. The fun is not knowing!
Weight: 1 Panda
Since there was no way for Matthew Twine and his friends to get to us here, we were taking a short breather. We¡¯d been running pretty much nonstop, and our last rest had been hours ago. I hadn¡¯t realized just how tired I was, but, unless we made it back to the Safe Zone, taking a nap was basically impossible. ¡°That¡¯s the real problem with everyone hunting you down,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Eventually the attrition gets to you and you become unable to keep running.¡± I frowned, but I knew I had no counter to that, because it was true. ¡°How do you think we get to the Broadcast Nest that my new Benefactor wants me to destroy?¡± I asked him. ¡°There might be a way to get under the area that the Dungeon occupies,¡± he replied. ¡°You don¡¯t think it¡¯s inside the Dungeon?¡± ¡°No. The Dungeons are like pocket realms, so housing a Broadcast Nest inside one would prevent it from doing its job properly... I think.¡± ¡°What about the Weaponlution Event?¡± ¡°That was a unique scenario¡­ I think.¡± ¡°I guess we¡¯ll just have to see.¡± A pop sounded from where Bee was sitting cross-legged, while solving the two puzzle boxes. Her hair and fuzzy fur was covered in rainbow-colored glitter. She frowned, looking at the open box in her hand. ¡°You good?¡± ¡°I thought it would be something worthwhile inside¡­ instead they glitter-bombed me.¡± She threw away the opened box and began working on the other one. ¡°Why are you still going?¡± Panda asked her. ¡°Solving the pattern unlocks a new Verse for Moth Mania, and I just need one more for my next spell.¡± ¡°That was fast,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°It¡¯s also adding towards the new Passive I got from the Unicorn we defeated,¡± she added, sharing the tooltip with me, as she began to slide around the segments of the wooden box in her hand.
¡®Moth Mnemonic¡¯ x
Passive MMMMMM: Moth Magicians Must Master Many Mnemonics. Every pattern you have solved adds 1% speed to solving other patterns. Current bonus: 9% The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Additionally, Wisdom is increased by 2.
¡°Hm, I wish I had abilities like that. They¡¯re always the kind that end up the most busted by the end.¡± Panda sighed loudly. While we watched Bee solve the second box, Lordie began to wriggle around atop my head. ¡°Are you hungry?¡± I asked him. ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°You know, I¡¯ll never get over that voice,¡± Panda remarked. I pulled out a bag of Twizzlers and handed it to Lordie, who immediately grabbed it and jumped down onto the stone floor next to the silver throne and its masked occupant. Loud slurping followed, as the hand-spider gorged itself. After he was done, I brought up his stats:
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 8%
HUNGER Satisfied
FAVORITE FOODS ¡®Twizzlers¡¯ ¡®Canned Cat Food¡¯
¡°This maturity thing will take forever¡­¡± I groaned. A pop sounded from where Bee sat, as the lid of the box flew off. Nothing happened for a second, before the foulest smell imaginable filled the air. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach¡¯! Time remaining: N/A ¡°Oh my God, my eyes!¡± I screamed, covering my face, while the smell just dug itself into every pore on my body. I collapsed to my knees, but the sensation just wouldn¡¯t stop. ¡°I¡¯m a plushie and even I can smell it!? Why!?¡± Panda exclaimed, rubbing the eyes of his sewn-on face rigorously. ¡°Shut the lid, quick!¡± I told her. ¡°Brock¡¯s gonna hurl!!¡± Bee fumbled around on the floor for the lid that¡¯d popped off, blinded by the direct assault of the box¡¯s contents. I¡¯d lost the ability to see, but I heard the moment that the lid was popped back on. And then, bliss. ¡°Holy shit, I think I might¡¯ve unalived myself if you hadn¡¯t closed that lid,¡± I said, relief washing over me. ¡°I¡¯ll hold on to the box,¡± she replied. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure its contents break several Geneva Conventions on warfare and chemical weaponry,¡± I commented. ¡°It reminds me of my last visit to the Dentist. Anyway, look, I got a new skill out of it.¡±
¡®Mind Trap¡¯ x
Ability Your mind is a palace and each door represents your memories and thoughts and ideas. But I have the key and I have locked you in! Target a sentient entity and, if their Wisdom is lower than yours, lock them inside their own mind, forcing them to solve a puzzle to escape the spell. Any damage to the target will interrupt the Mind Trap. Cooldown: 10 minutes
¡°Look at you with all your utility,¡± I remarked, slightly jealous. ¡°I wish I got more powerful spells like I was promised.¡± ¡°Maybe you have to collect special patterns for those,¡± Panda guessed. An achievement suddenly appeared:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Worst Smell Imaginable¡¯ Survived Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach.
Would you be surprised to know that this vile Perfume was concocted by a Demon Lord of Envy? More than 1 minute of exposure to this Perfume results in permanent brain damage, and, as you might imagine, since you just experienced it, it also goes by the name: ¡®Eau de Oh My God Please Kill Me!!!¡¯ Hats off to you for surviving this encounter.
Reward: 100x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
With this reward, I was now up to 1243 Coins. The plan was to save up as much as possible for when I got the Safe Zone Sphere to use on a vehicle. The floor beneath us began to tremble and the mask on the seated skeleton popped off into two segments. ¡°Ah shit, we¡¯ve gotta go!¡± I yelled, running for the opening to the hallway that led further underground. Bee zipped by me with a rapid flurry of her wings and I had to jump to get through the opening, before the room fully rotated and blocked it off again. ¡°That was close,¡± Bee said. ¡°They¡¯ll be right behind us,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°We can ambush them up ahead,¡± I decided, pointing to the end of the hallway where it seemed to broaden out into a bigger room. ¡°I still think we should avoid open confrontation, but if it¡¯s unavoidable, let¡¯s not kill them.¡± I put my left hand on her shoulder. ¡°Trying to avoid killing someone, who is 100% trying to kill you, is more danger than its worth. We can head for the boss, but if they catch up to us, then I¡¯m putting an end to this chase.¡± She nodded, seemingly accepting my decision. ¡°We should get a move on then.¡± Chapter -101 From the hallway revealed by the mask puzzle came a vast spiraling staircase with rock walls on either side. The stairs were about twenty yards wide with large flagstones lain in alternating order all the way down to form the steps. It curved slightly to the left and we both glided above it using our skills. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I¡¯d seen that,¡± Panda commented, as the wings of my own skin were spread out from my back and the tail of my purple loincloth flopped around limply. I was hoping to find a way to use I_CAN_FLY without needing to take my clothes off, but, so far, the skills I was offered weren¡¯t really helping much.
¡®Lustful Loincloth¡¯ x
Made from the hide of a Lustful Demon, who wronged Duchess Miranda, and imbued with her unique powers. She is known as a fearsome General that gains power from showering in the blood of her foes. This loincloth is imbued with the following effects: This item does not count as a piece of armor. When a kill results in a splatter of blood that hits your bare skin, you get a stack of ¡®Battle Hardened¡¯ for 30 seconds, increasing damage resistance by 5% and damage by 10%. This effect can stack up to 10 times.
Weight: 0.45 Pandas
¡°Thanks to Miranda being outbid, the restrictions making me unable to take them off are gone.¡± ¡°Are you going back to the stained boxers?¡± Bee asked, sounding worried, while intentionally slowing her pace to float alongside me. ¡°Without Miranda¡¯s restrictions, they aren¡¯t that bad,¡± I replied. ¡°What about that collar she gave you? Are you going to sell it?¡± Panda wondered.
¡®Fur Collar¡¯ x
Made from the pink fur of a man-eating bat that lives in the domain of Duchess Miranda of Throbbing Excitement. It has been infused with her powers. This collar is imbued with the following effects: This item does not count as a piece of armor. You transform into a Minor Lust Demon, increasing your Dexterity and Vitality by 25%, but take 100% extra damage from silver and gold weapons, as well as holy- and light-based attacks.
Weight: 0.2 Pandas
¡°Without the restrictions and literal offering of yourself to Miranda, it actually seems a pretty useful item, so long as the transformation isn¡¯t permanent.¡± Panda nodded. ¡°It could be worth a lot of Coins I think.¡± We still hadn¡¯t heard anything from the Players in pursuit of us, which made me wonder if they were unable to use our mask fragments that¡¯d popped off the skeleton. If they had to find them again, we might be able to get to the boss before they were able to catch up. While floating down along the gentle curve of the enormous staircase, I started to notice large puddles of blood on the wide steps. The moment we floated near one, a creature lifted itself up and out of the puddle. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. It looked like the Cult Members we¡¯d seen countless iterations of, except its arms and legs were like double the normal length and its fingers and toes were twisted into animalistic claws. The crimson robes still covered its torso and head, but the sleeves and long skirt were torn and frayed, exposing the pale limbs. Our disguises also weren¡¯t fooling it, as it looked up at us and opened its mouth to hiss loudly. Then it seemed to prepare for a leap up at us. Bee shared it¡¯s appraisal as I cut off my gliding ability.
Level 11 ¡®Cult Anointed¡¯ Enemy x
¡°*Angry Hiss!*¡± There are a lot of Cults in your world, perhaps thanks to the denizens of ¡®Dirt¡¯ being fundamentally gullible creatures in search of wish-fulfilment through serving some grandiose higher purpose. Anyway, most of the Cults are nothing more than blind faith with no real power behind it. But there are a few that are genuine. Like this Cult, with its emphasis on Blood and Silver. They are not just play-pretend, at least not entirely, as they found true power in the worship of the Flayed Queen. But she is a fickle mistress and her power always comes with a price. ¡°What does this have to do with Anointed?¡± you¡¯re asking. I¡¯m getting to it, okay!? Jeez! Anointed are a great example of power-at-a-cost, as they have been transformed and imbued with Blood Magic, but they now serve the whims of the Blood, with their own minds void of the personhood they once possessed.
I fell down onto the creature fist-first from about ten feet in the air, and the impact was so strong against its hooded featureless head that the whole body slammed down into the stone steps with a violent crunch. Thanks to the Pearnana effect, its robes and pale body began to turn a sickly yellow. ¡°Oof, it¡¯s definitely dead,¡± Panda muttered. I peeled my balloon gauntlet off the floor, where the squished now-yellow meat of the Anointed had gotten me stuck like a glue-trap. Then I quickly equipped my Cloak, Schmonic Boots, and Carapace Suit. ¡°Moth Missile!¡± Bee shouted, firing off her mothballs which curled and weaved through the air to strike a different one that¡¯d emerged from a puddle a few steps down. With four successive smacks, the Anointed keeled over, just as three more began to emerge from other large blood spatters further down. ¡°Crap, these are creations of the Flayed Queen,¡± Panda said, worried, as I strode down the steps with my clenched right fist cocked back. The Sea Urchin Ring activated and covered my arm in a spiky shell. I hopped back a step as the Anointed leapt forward with a slash of its long claws, which was further extended by blood flying out from the tips of its fingers and solidifying at the ends of its claws. The blood claws barely nicked the front of my Carapace Suit, but tore thin lines across them with ease, which was worrying. ¡°Don¡¯t let them hit you with their blood!¡± Panda yelled from my shoulder and up to Bee, who was diving down towards another Anointed, ready to fire a blast up-close to take advantage of the 50% damage boost from her Beetle Battlemage. I sidestepped to line myself up perfectly, then punched the air and launched the Sea Urchin spikes into the one in front of me, as well as the other that was directly behind it. The sound was like ten nail guns firing simultaneously, and the result was gloriously-gory. The spikes tore right through the front one, pulling large chunks of pale flesh with them as they exited out its back, only to embed themselves deeply in the other one. ¡°Yippee!!¡± Brock celebrated as they both collapsed dead to the ground. A thud sounded as Bee fired her Beetle Blast into the back of her target, after maneuvering around its back. The top of its torso, along with its head, vanished into a puff of chunks and misted blood. ¡°¡®Yippee¡¯?¡± I commented, my disgust evident in my voice. ¡°Issa genuine expression of mirth, Gamby.¡± ¡°Just felt very out of character, is all.¡± Brock cleared his throat, or his equivalent of it, as he geared up for a second go at a celebration, and squealed: ¡°Ah fak yaah, cunt!! Queensland foreva!!¡± ¡°That¡¯s more like it,¡± I said with a nod. ¡°¡­Is this what I have become? A 2-dimensional caricature of my proud nation?¡± ¡°Stop! We don¡¯t have time for you to get introspective!¡± Panda scolded him. As if to punctuate his words, a laughing voice flowed down through the large stairwell, followed by a tremble as something above shifted and ground against the foundations of the cavern. It was clear that Twine and the other two had managed to do the mask puzzle. Bee grabbed my wrist and pulled me down the steps. Moments later, the echoing clank of the Knight¡¯s metal boots could be heard coming our way. Driven by Bee¡¯s desire to avoid a confrontation with our pursuers and my own wish to find literally anything to point me in the direction of the Mayor, I ran as fast as I could, while Bee lifted back up into the air. She was constantly looking back the way we¡¯d come, but we had a decent lead on them, plus Angel Boy¡¯s wings didn¡¯t look to be in very good shape when we¡¯d seen him in the Mansion hallway. We ignored the blood puddles around us as we moved down, passing by eight additional ones, each of which manifested their own Anointed. They were fortunately nowhere near fast enough to keep up with us and had nothing in the way of ranged attacks. ¡°Hopefully they¡¯ll slow them down,¡± Panda said. ¡°But it¡¯s bad news if they kill any of the Players, since their blood will take them over and¡ª¡± ¡°Turn them into Skinstealers!?¡± ¡°Something akin to it, yeah. The Flayed Queen loves to pit people against each other.¡± ¡°Is she another Absolute?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. And she¡¯s a big fan of the Great Game, always sponsoring the Players best poised to screw up everyone else¡¯s chance of survival.¡± ¡°Do we need to add her to the list of things to worry about?¡± ¡°Not yet, I don¡¯t think.¡± Bee came down closer to us and asked, ¡°How do you know about past Games, Panda?¡± The plushie froze, as though he¡¯d been caught telling us things he shouldn¡¯t have. ¡°Oh, look, it¡¯s the boss entrance!¡± he said and pointed down at the bottom of the large stairwell. The ground transitioned from the smooth flagstones to a rough and uneven cavern floor, which led to a naturally-formed arch that had a black veil obscuring the other side. Behind us came the wet slapping footfalls of the many Anointed we¡¯d aggroed, as well as the echoing clang of the pursuing Knight. ¡°You¡¯d better explain yourself when we get out of here,¡± Bee told the plushie. Then we ran through the dark veil. Chapter -102 We stepped out through the veil of darkness, entering into a cave with stalagmites poking up from the floor and stalactites hanging down from the ceiling. Their formations seemed to be due to a steady drip of red liquid flowing through the cracks in the rocks above our heads. In the very center of the cavern was a small pond of the same red liquid and an unnaturally-shaped silver skeleton crouched in the middle of it, hugging its legs. Like the Anointed, it had a short torso and overlong limbs with claws protruding from the tips of its boney hands. The skull was also far more angular than that of a human, having an almost arrow-like shape. Drip¡­ drip¡­ drip¡­ came the sound of the occasional drops from above, as they trickled down the ends of the stalactites and hit the tops of stalagmites below. The many protrusions were like teeth and I couldn¡¯t shake the uncanny sense that the cave itself was the maw of some stone beast. Then the skeleton stood up to its full height, reaching nearly nine feet. It looked towards us, while the red liquid from the pond began to crawl up its silver bones, forming a faux flesh around them. I immediately began charging for it, weaving between the stalagmites to get to the pond before it could finish its transformation. ¡°Stay close!¡± I told Bee. ¡°The others might be right behind us.¡± She did her best to keep up with me on foot, utilizing her wings to turn her strides into propelled hops and maneuvering around the mineral spires with ease. ¡°Same deal as before,¡± Panda said, ¡°Don¡¯t let it hit you with its blood attacks.¡± ¡°The appraisal is ominous,¡± Bee muttered, as she shared it with me.
Level 15 ¡®Red Scion¡¯ Boss x
¡°I am a Droplet of the Queen¡¯s Blood!¡± A Red Scion is created from a single Droplet of the Flayed Queen¡¯s unholy Blood that has found its way to a planet, and, around it, the blood of the earth formed a body. The Anointed are similar in their creations, except they are formed from a droplet of a Scion¡¯s blood. So, if you had a hard time with those posers, you¡¯re in for a world of hurt with this one. Scions cannot retain their bodies indefinitely as the blood of the earth always seeks to return to liquid. As a recompense for gifting the Cult a modicum of its power, they constructed a fitting skeleton for it out of silver. While the Queen¡¯s Droplet is housed within the silver cranium, the Scion can move the skeleton with ease, but it still prefers to coat itself in blood, boosting its physical and magical powers. There exists a stage above Scion, but pray that you never encounter it.
From the bottom of its feet and to about the clavicle bone, was a layer of flesh and muscle formed of the viscous red water, but the full transformation was yet to complete. Since there were only twenty feet separating me from the Scion, I kicked off into a leap, with my fist pulled back and ready for a powerful punch. ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± I yelled, swinging my fist forward to strike its silver cranium. Time froze and the voice of the strange Announcer filled the cavern, while the middle-knuckle of my balloon gauntlet just barely kissed the Scion¡¯s yet-to-form face. Welcome back to the show everyone! We¡¯ve got another exciting one for you again today! Last time, Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ triggered ¡®The Power of Friendship¡¯. This option has been removed from the board and replaced with a new one. As before, we have six potential outcomes of this Lottery ability: Loot Pi?ata Jelly Bones 10x Damage Arney the Tickler Lucky Die Demon Incursion Which option are you betting on at home? I know quite a few Wrath Demons who are going all in on ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯, am I right or am I right? *Audience laughter* ¡°Seriously, where¡¯s that laughter coming from?¡± Panda wondered as he stood on my head and looked around, the only one amongst us that could move and talk. Bee¡¯s eyes lifted up to follow the golden wheel that was lowered down in front of me. Say it with me now: SPIN THAT WHEEL! ¡°Don¡¯t hit Arney the Tickler!¡± Panda told me, as if I had any agency in the outcome. ¡°Spin that wheel!¡± I yelled, faking enthusiasm. There was a pause and I feared the Announcer was upset that I didn¡¯t put enough oomph behind it, but then the wheel began to spin. It spun around with furious speed, before the flapper at the top began to slow it down. Looking at the rotations made my head spin, and I tried desperately not to throw up in my time-frozen state. The green and red triangular slices unblurred into intelligible text, and I kept my eyes fixed on the ¡®10x Damage¡¯ while it spun around. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. As it slowed down, it looked very much like it¡¯d stop at ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯, but then it just barely squeaked past and hit ¡®Loot Pi?ata¡¯. The result is: ¡®Loot Pi?ata¡¯! I know you are all disappointed with this outcome, and so am I! Better luck next time! As for the effect, here is what it does: ¡®The target is afflicted with the ¡®Pi?ata¡¯ curse, meaning that it explodes in a shower of thematically-appropriate loot upon death.¡¯ Additionally, it is impossible to overcome this type of death, meaning no Cheat Death or Resurrection for the unlucky bastard in question! The wheel lifted into the ceiling and disappeared, before time resumed. Boink! came the sound of my fist, seemingly doing no damage. My momentum carried me around and past the boss, and I skipped across the cavern floor for a few feet, while Bee began to open up with her spells, which hit the boss ineffectually, even though she was firing close-ranged into its head. Then the crimson pondwater finished coating the silver skeleton, with not a single drop left in the floor cavity it¡¯d been occupying. In an instant, the Scion¡¯s body changed from a wet liquid texture and into matte red skin. The face that stared at us looked very similar to that of the Mayor, but it was like a younger version of him, with more angular and predatory features, as well as long elf ears for some reason. I couldn¡¯t help but grin at the sight. ¡°I knew we¡¯d find some connection to him here!¡± Bee lobbed a Beetle Bomb at the boss, which fell next to its foot and exploded in a shower of shrapnel. The sounds of the many flechettes plinking against stone echoed across the cave and I quickly got back to my feet to exploit the opening she¡¯d made. ¡°Watch out!¡± Panda yelled and I threw myself flat on my stomach immediately, just as a halo of sharp blood pulsed out from the Scion, widening out from it as the central point and shearing the air with a strange swish. Bee wasn¡¯t quick enough to react, and the top of one of her left wings was cut off. ¡°Careful! Its blood-attacks inflict some kind of debuff!¡± she warned. I got back up and grabbed one of the stalagmites with Brock, then threw it directly at the boss, utilizing his Pitcher upgrade, which increased accuracy and speed with any thrown projectile. The mineral spike was blocked by a wall of blood that the Scion created from holes in its right hand. Its left foot was mangled thanks to Bee¡¯s attack, but it was clear that we had to destroy the head somehow. A shard of crystalized blood fired my way and I quickly side-stepped it, but it curved around and struck me in the side, piercing my Suit deep enough to hit my skin below. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Fiendblood Sickness (5%)¡¯! Time remaining: 10 minutes The effect was immediate, as I felt a jab of pain travel through my body in a wave radiating out from where the shard dug in. I quickly grabbed it with my right hand, but it was also sharp along the edges and sliced through Brock and into my palm, though I managed to toss it away. ¡°Ouch!!¡± he squealed, although he didn¡¯t pop, which was a relief. Then again, I wasn¡¯t sure it was actually possible for him to pop. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Fiendblood Sickness (10%)¡¯! Time remaining: 20 minutes ¡°Ah shit¡­¡± I muttered, diving out of the way as a crescent of cutting blood was sent straight for my neck. It continued on through several stalactites before dissipating into nothingness. ¡°Watch out for the shards, they¡¯re homing!¡± I yelled to Bee. ¡°Also, the debuff stacks!¡± ¡°It¡¯s slowly draining your Stamina and Health,¡± Panda said. ¡°How quickly? Not 10% at a time right?¡± ¡°The percentage seems to be how much of your overall vitals it will drain, based on the rate and duration. So when it¡¯s done, you¡¯ll have lost 10% of your overall Stamina and Health.¡± ¡°I¡¯d better kill it before it can up that percentage, huh?¡± I pushed myself back up onto my feet, while Bee hit the Scion with three-out-of-four of her Moth Missile¡¯s projectiles, only to immediately fire it again. ¡°We¡¯ve gotta break the head!¡± I told her, while running around to the opposite side of her, such that the boss had to do a full 180 to deal with me. As soon as I got there, I spun on my heel and ran straight for it, putting my right hand against my chest and drawing my Giant-Slayer Soul Blade.
¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ x
Unique Ability Why is your Soul shaped like that? Draw a blade formed of your own soul, the shape of which is unique to you, and which disappears after a single attack. It deals damage equal to all your Attributes combined and multiplied by the level difference between you and your target. By holding the Blade above your head, you can charge it to deal up to 3x its normal damage based on how long it is charged. If the blade takes damage, you suffer 3x the amount of damage as a result. Cooldown: 20 minutes If used to kill a Boss, the cooldown resets. This ability appears on your Appraisal!
What came out was neither a banana nor a corn-on-the-cob, but instead a large yellow carrot. ¡°Ah, what the hell?¡± I muttered, before lifting it up above my head to charge it up. The carrot began to elongate and turn into a spear that scraped against the cave ceiling. ¡°That isn¡¯t a blade,¡± Panda commented unhelpfully. Without warning, the Scion pointed its right palm over its shoulder at me while still looking in Bee¡¯s direction, firing off another homing crystal shard. ¡°Dodgeroll!¡± Panda yelled. I obliged just in time for the shard to go right through me, thanks to my I-Frames passive.
¡®I-Frames¡¯ x
Passive We¡¯re not sure how this works¡­ Dodgerolling allows you to phase through attacks if timed correctly.
The blood shard hit the ground and shattered. As I finished my roll, I came up with a jab of my carrot spear, ramming right into the back of the Scion and tearing a deep hole through its small torso. However, it didn¡¯t seem that my Pearnana curse was spreading to its body like the purple one had. As soon as the spear disappeared, the Scion spun around and swung a clawed foot right at my body with such suddenness I only managed to stumble back a single step and lift my right arm up in front of my face. Blood poured out from the tips of its clawed toes and crystalized into blades on their tips, extending its reach enough that it carved right through my forearm and along the left side of my Carapace Suit¡¯s breast. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Fiendblood Sickness (20%)¡¯! Time remaining: 40 minutes Bee came right up behind the boss, as I stumbled back, spilling my blood all over the place. ¡°Moth Missile!¡± she roared, firing her spell right into the back of the Scion¡¯s head with enough force to explode the red flesh and skin away to expose the silver cranium. The Scion whirled around to address her, perhaps thinking I was no longer a threat. But, in doing so, it exposed the opening she¡¯d made. ¡°Beetle Barrier!¡± Bee shouted, making her moth fur hard like metal and absorbing the retaliatory strike with hardly a scrape left behind. I gritted my teeth and took a long step forward while absolutely hammering Brock into the exposed silver dome of the boss. ¡°Fak yuu!!¡± he squealed. The impact sent a jolt of electricity all down its silver skeleton, which easily conducted the static I¡¯d built up in Brock through moving around. As its whole body spasmed, it became momentarily paralyzed. The built-up air in the gauntlet empowered the blow, but it was only strong enough to cause a crack to form. Air was also sucked out of the Scion¡¯s body, refilling the balloon weapon with power. I swung again, while Bee also took the chance to use her Beetle Blast at point-blank range to shred its face. ¡°Eat turds!!¡± Brock yelled as the second hit landed. The crack became a small hole. The Scion started to move as I swung my fist the third time, but by then it was too late. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)! Brock hit the back of its skull with so much force that it flew off the silver spine, a massive hole in the back of it, and most of the flesh and skin that¡¯d adorned it gone. As it hit the ceiling, it rebounded back to the floor where it cracked like an egg, spilling a deep-crimson yolk. Then the ¡®Loot Pi?ata¡¯ effect kicked in and the boss¡¯ entire body exploded into confetti and candy, as well as coins and wisps of loot, with not a drop of its unholy blood anywhere to be seen. Chapter -103 DUNGEON ¡®The Cultist Mansion¡¯ CLEARED! Recommended Player level: 12 Average Player level: 5 Player survivors: 7 Player deaths: 24 Enemies slain: 84 Bosses slain: 1 WARNING! The Dungeon will close in 60 seconds! You will be returned to your last known location outside the Dungeon perimeter! We hurried to clear up the wisps and coins that¡¯d dropped following the Red Scion¡¯s spectacular death. Twine, the Knight, and the Healer had yet to appear, but they would probably jump us as soon as we all got dumped back outside the front gate of the Mansion. It also seemed that the two Players that¡¯d helped us in the kitchen were still alive, judging by the announcement. ¡°It¡¯s a shame you can¡¯t use that again,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Bonus loot and perma-death in one package? It would¡¯ve made short work of Logan.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve gotten lucky so far, but next time I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll land on one of the bad options. And the Announcer keeps hoping for the Demon Incursion.¡± ¡°That one is definitely not great,¡± he replied, as I scooped up another wisp. ¡°After the third Event is usually when they bring those out. It¡¯s basically a rift that connects one of the Demonic Realms with your world. Sometimes they involve a Rift Keeper that has to be killed, and other times they just last for a set period of time.¡± Bee looked up from where she was looting some candy and said, ¡°Seriously, how do you know so much about past Games??¡± WARNING! The Dungeon will close in 30 seconds! ¡°Better hurry up and loot the rest!¡± he urged. ¡°I¡¯ll explain when we get outside.¡± ¡°He¡¯s totally not going to,¡± she muttered, annoyed. We moved around the exploded confetti remains of the Scion, grabbing the last bit of stuff. Our total haul was quite impressive, though we didn¡¯t have time to inspect the items right now: Leftovers of Boss ¡®Red Scion¡¯: 600x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ 2x ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯ 9x ¡®Blood Red Candy¡¯ Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡®Silver Anointed Mask¡¯ ¡®Queen¡¯s Droplet¡¯ ¡®Scion¡¯s Claw¡¯ ¡®unFake Plugin¡¯ There wasn¡¯t anything that seemed to help us find the Mayor, but I hoped that we¡¯d get such a thing from the Dungeon Clear achievement. ¡°Get ready,¡± I told Bee. ¡°We¡¯re about to be dumped right into the thick of it.¡± She activated her wings and lifted into the air. Even though the top of one of them was clipped slightly, it didn¡¯t affect her control at all. I brought out my longboard as well and took a pose that would enable me to immediately kick off from the ground and take off. ¡°I¡¯ve got my Mind Trap ready to incapacitate Matthew Twine,¡± she said. I grinned. ¡°Let¡¯s do this.¡± DUNGEON CLOSING! Returning you to your last known location outside the dungeon perimeter! Darkness washed over us, before we were placed right in front of the open Mansion gate, looking right up at its gravel path and well-kept lawns. The sky above was stained by the light of the setting sun. I spun around and saw Raincoat Guy, the Knight, and the Healer right next to us, as well as the other two Players still in their cultist robes, though their hoods were pulled back to show that they weren¡¯t hostile. With a push, I shot myself forward on the longboard, aiming to go back down the street we¡¯d arrived from. ¡°Mind Trap!¡± I heard Bee say, while she flew backwards, positioned right above my head. ¡°Arena!¡± came the muffled and tinny voice of the Knight, and immediately a large oval wall broke up through the asphalted ground and surrounded all of us, stretching about twenty-five yards out in front of the Dungeon. Along with it came simple wooden bleachers upon which sat countless cardboard cutouts of peasants, which bobbed up-and-down as though part of the crowd of a PS1 game. A stock sound of cheering also came from the stands. I stepped on the back of my board and spun back around, aiming the index of my yellow balloon gauntlet at the Knight. ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± The walls and bleachers immediately disintegrated, and I spun back around, continuing unobstructed. ¡°You know, there¡¯s something I¡¯ve been wanting to try,¡± I said, as Bee and I quickly put a lot of distance between us and them. ¡°Uh oh,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it might not work.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t predict what you¡¯re about to do, and that worries me.¡± ¡°I need a Bus!¡± I said. REQUEST RECEIVED! Your current location has been added to the route of the nearest ¡®Bus¡¯. Please wait patiently for it to arrive. ¡°Oh you absolute moron!¡± he scolded me. In the near distance, rumbling and crashing could suddenly be heard, before a familiar voice filled the air. [NEXT STOP: YUMMY-YUMMY, A PLAYER WILL VOLUNTARILY ENTER MY TUMMY!] ¡°Go faster!¡± the plushie yelled. I chained an ollie into a ¡®rail grind¡¯ along the roof of a limo, getting a burst of speed. [ENLIGHTENING!] said the mouth at the front of my board. ¡°It¡¯s coming!¡± Bee said and then began laughing nervously, like a kid playing tag. ¡°That should make it hard for them to keep up!¡± I said, pretty pleased with my own ingenuity. ¡°What about the two people who were just trying to survive!? Did you stop to think about them??¡± ¡°¡­Woops?¡± The plushie sighed. ¡°Goddamnit, Gambit.¡± ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°No, we aren¡¯t going to wait for the bus, Lordie.¡± ¡°Meow..¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care if it¡¯s rude to call it and then leave. It¡¯s scary and it wants to eat us.¡± A loud explosion came from a house a few doors down from us, as the Humanbus just rammed straight through it to take a shortcut to the street I¡¯d summoned it to. The Healer in Twine¡¯s party shouted in panic, while the Knight lifted up the incapacitated Raincoat Angel. The other two Players had already made a run for it. ¡°Bee, did you see the names of the two that helped us in the kitchen?¡± I asked. She floated down next to me, grabbing onto my shoulders, while I kept doing small tricks to further boost my speed. ¡°Their names were Martin and Raul, but I couldn¡¯t see what Classes they had, because of the robes they were wearing. By the way, the Knight is called Joane and the priest-looking guy is Mark, their classes are Arena Contestant and Soother.¡± ¡°We should find a place for you two to heal up,¡± Panda interjected. ¡°Is the Bloodfiend Sickness still in effect?¡± ¡°It is.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t tell?¡± Bee asked me. ¡°It stings pretty bad, and I only got hit once.¡± I shrugged, which was awkward, given that she was holding onto my shoulders. [NEXT STOP: MY TUMMY-YUMMY!] came the sound of the bus as it crashed through the street, chasing after the Knight and Healer. ¡°Huh, your plan actually worked, somehow,¡± Panda remarked. There followed a beat of silence. ¡°Ah fuck¡­ I forgot my Benefactor wanted me to deal with the Broadcast Nest below the Mansion¡­¡± Bee blinked. Panda groaned. I spun the board around and quickly regretted having summoned the bus to this place. Chapter -104 [NEXT STOP: YUMMY-YUMMY, CATCH A RIDE IN MY TUMMY!] came the beckoning call of the Humanbus as it continued chasing after the Players nearby, crashing through several houses to get to them from the sounds of it. Bee and I were heading back towards the Mansion, while trying not to draw any attention to ourselves. ¡°How are we supposed to get below the Mansion?¡± I wondered. ¡°There¡¯s a manhole over there,¡± Bee said, pointing further up the middle of the street. ¡°The sewers¡­¡± Panda muttered disapprovingly. ¡°Afraid of getting a little dirty?¡± I teased him. Back when I¡¯d broken into the Mayor¡¯s Mansion, I¡¯d seriously contemplated sneaking up through the sewers to his house, but in the end it hadn¡¯t been necessary. Not to mention, I wasn¡¯t even sure it would¡¯ve worked. ¡°I¡¯m not worried about that,¡± he countered. ¡°I¡¯m more worried about what might live in the sewers now¡­¡± ¡°I think he¡¯s claustrophobic,¡± Bee said. ¡°You might be on to something.¡± ¡°Can you two shut it before the bus comes back and just go down there already!?¡± ¡°Sheesh, touchy subject,¡± Bee winced. I knelt down next to the manhole and pulled the cover off with a simple tug. It was easy to forget just how much stronger I was now. ¡°Ladies first.¡± I gestured to the open hole from which reeked a stench strong enough to vaporize the hairs in my nostrils. Nearly two weeks without running water had really not helped the sewers, that much was sure. ¡°Perhaps I was wrong about the sewers being the way to get below the Mansion,¡± Bee back-pedaled. ¡°I¡¯m sure you were spot on. Now, go on, hop in, the water should be pleasantly-warm.¡± She gagged at my description. ¡°I really don¡¯t want to. Plus, I can¡¯t fly down there.¡± ¡°Is this really how our group breaks apart?¡± I asked with a frown. [NEXT STOP: I SMELL PASSENGERS, YUMMY!] We both looked up to see the Humanbus turning a corner onto the street further ahead and coming towards us in a furious scamper of the many chubby legs dragging it along the ground. The unhinged foglight eyes and gaping mouth with massive molars made Bee produce a small Eeep! and she immediately hopped down into the open manhole. I pinched my nose and followed her, just as the galloping Humanbus tore across the asphalt where we¡¯d stood. A splash of warm liquid came up to meet me as I was halfway down the darkness, only for me to hit the water a moment later. Chunks of oh-God-I-don¡¯t-want-to-know-what-that-is floated around in the pool that Bee and I landed in, and I did my best to not open my mouth nor unpinch my nostrils. While swimming back up to the surface, the Transition Lenses passive slowly gave me the ability to see through the darkness, even underwater. The moment I got my head above water, I released a long string of expletives. Bee had already found her way to a raised bit of stone on the edge of the pool and she was flapping her wings furiously to get rid of all the nasty water and the stuff that¡¯d been floating in it, such as a liquified rat¡¯s corpse the size of a small child. I pulled myself up next to her. ¡°That sucked,¡± she said. ¡°I kind of thought we¡¯d just land in ankle-high water at worst,¡± I replied, while sifting sewer gunk out of my hair. We both looked up towards the ceiling, which was easily twenty feet above us. There wasn¡¯t a service ladder or anything, it was just a hole that led into this underground tunnel system full of literal shit.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Cultist Manor First Clear¡¯ Cleared The Cultist Mansion for the first time.
Hey, would you look at that, you actually beat a Dungeon without insulting the efforts of everyone who worked on it. Congratulations! The Cult had quite a few trinkets and relics stashed away. Since you¡¯ve been a good boy, we¡¯ll reward you with one that¡¯ll help you find what you seek.
Rewards: ¡®Silver Skull¡¯ & ¡®Soul Compass¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Don¡¯t drink the water¡¯ Took a dive into the sewers.
Welcome to the sewers. It may smell like crap down here, but there are nuggets of gold to be found amongst all the turds. The corridors down here are like mazes and it is easy to get lost in your search for an exit, so you¡¯re gonna need this:
Reward: ¡®Blank Sewer Map¡¯
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°They¡¯re being uncharacteristically kind,¡± Panda remarked, as a rolled-up scroll landed in my hands, along with a silver skull and a black wooden compass. I looked at the ¡®Soul Compass¡¯. ¡°This has to be a trap.¡± Panda looked at me from where he stood nearby, completely spotless. ¡°Stop being so paranoid.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll stop when it¡¯s no longer beneficial,¡± I retorted stubbornly. Bee pulled out the items she¡¯d looted from the Scion and I did the same. We split the 600 Coins between us and began looking through all the items and what they did. ¡°Not to rush you or anything, but you are still bleeding,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Is it going to kill me?¡± ¡°¡­No.¡± ¡°Then it can wait.¡± ¡°My Fiendblood Sickness already wore off,¡± Bee commented. ¡°This idiot still has twenty-eight minutes to go,¡± Panda said, jabbing his fingerless arm at me threateningly. ¡°Don¡¯t make me toss you in the water.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not water,¡± he replied. Bee gagged loudly. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, while holding the compass in my hand.
¡®Soul Compass¡¯ x
¡°No ledge is powder, France is bacon.¡± - a dyslexic philosopher By uttering the True Name of an Enemy, Boss, or Player, within your Region, the compass will point in their exact direction. Charges: 3/3
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°This has to be a trap,¡± I muttered. The black wooden box had a round hole within which was a circular ring that always oriented itself North and a pointer that was spinning aimlessly. Despite my doubts, I squeezed the compass and said, ¡°Mayor Noah Sullivan.¡± Instantly, the pointer spun around before settling on almost true West. There wasn¡¯t really much to the west of the rich part of Castleburg, apart from some industrial buildings closer to the highway. The highway itself cut past the mountain forest on its northern side, before hitting Madeville. There wasn¡¯t a distance indicator on the compass, but I had a bad feeling that we¡¯d have to head towards Madeville to get this bastard. ¡°After we¡¯ve found the Broadcast Nest, we¡¯re going straight for the Mayor,¡± I said. Panda looked around, trying to get his bearings. ¡°Since your Benefactor message said under the Mansion, the Nest might be literally underneath, which means we have to follow the street down a bit and then go left.¡± ¡°Easier said than done,¡± Bee commented, holding the Sewer Map up in front of us. Just the area immediately around us had six different paths, dead-ends, and skull marks. It looked like a total pain in the ass to navigate.
¡®Blank Sewer Map¡¯ x
You¡¯re going to need this. Displays a map of the sewers that is centered on your position and updates as you explore. Don¡¯t discard this. You won¡¯t get a replacement.
Weight: 2.5 Pandas
I opened it, only to see the same thing as what Bee had showed me. ¡°Let¡¯s look through the rest of the stuff before we move on,¡± I decided, picking up the silver skull first. ¡°I hit level 14,¡± Bee said. ¡°It¡¯s been so long since I leveled last,¡± I replied jealously. ¡°But Brock is only one boss kill away from his next upgrade.¡± ¡°Sweet as!!¡± the balloon gauntlet exclaimed excitedly. I inspected the skull, dreading what messed-up thing they¡¯d ask me to do with it.
¡®Silver Skull¡¯ x
¡°Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.¡± The silver skull of a Red Scion. There is power within it, and, to unlock it, all you have to do is hold it aloft and gaze into its empty eye sockets.
Weight: 1 Panda
Confused, and still slightly worried, I lifted it into the air and gazed into the dark holes where eyes would¡¯ve been. The silver skull became like smoke in my hand and dissipated into the air within seconds. ¡°Phew,¡± I muttered, just as the next pop-up followed.
Choose your reward! x
¡°There¡¯s method in my madness.¡± I bet you thought you¡¯d have to violate the skull. But no, not this time. We try not to get on the bad sides of Absolutes y¡¯see.
Pick one of the options: ¡®I_RULE¡¯ | ¡®Silver Skeleton¡¯ | ¡®Blood Claw¡¯
¡°They¡¯re quoting a lot,¡± Panda noted. ¡°Sounds like they¡¯re afraid of the Flayed Queen.¡± ¡°Good. She¡¯s crazy.¡± ¡°Crazier than Tina & Nina?¡± ¡°Let me put it this way: Tina looks like a law-abiding morally-wise paragon of virtue next to the Flayed Queen. And Tina is the scariest human I¡¯ve ever met.¡± ¡°That¡¯s quite an endorsement,¡± I muttered. ¡°I¡¯m serious, Gambit, don¡¯t fuck with the Flayed Queen.¡± ¡°Fine, if you say so.¡± He frowned at my response, but I just ignored him and looked at the options I could pick between.
¡®I_RULE¡¯ x
Ability ¡°Look at me, I am amazing!¡± Become the center of attention for everyone around you, making them unable to turn away from your direction. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 20 minutes
¡®Silver Skeleton¡¯ x
Passive We didn¡¯t have any adamantium in storage, so you¡¯ll have to settle for silver. Become highly-resistant to Crushing and Impact damage, at the expense of your body getting five times as heavy as normal, requiring a lot more Strength and Vitality to move around. Warning: by accepting this ability, you grant the GREAT GAME and its employees the right to repossess your skeleton after you die.
¡®Blood Claws¡¯ x
Ability I don¡¯t need a weapon. My body is my weapon. Lose 5% of your health to coat your dominant hand in your own blood, which crystalizes into claws at the end of each finger, granting a high amount of bonus Slashing and Cutting damage. Disappears after a single attack. All bloodborne illnesses in your body are transferred to your target on a successful attack. Cooldown: 5 minutes
After reading through them, I picked Silver Skeleton, without really giving it much thought. I immediately felt my weight increase manifold, the stone ledge I was seated on starting to crack as a result. I moved my arms about and didn¡¯t feel like I¡¯d have trouble with the extra weight, plus, my punches would hit so much harder now. Before I could pick up the next item to inspect, a high-pitched screech echoed through the sewers. ¡°You might want to speed this up,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Do you think there are crocodiles down here?¡± Bee asked. Chapter -105 More screeching rolled through the sewer tunnels, as we went through the rest of the items we¡¯d acquired from the Scion.
¡®Silver Anointed Mask¡¯ x
A mask of pure silver, anointed by the blood of a Red Scion. Equipping this mask immediately forces a Spontaneous Class Change to ¡®Anointed¡¯.
Weight: 6 Pandas
¡®Queen¡¯s Droplet¡¯ x
A droplet of blood cast to earth by the Flayed Queen, with the hope of sparking a new following willing to sacrifice in her name and venerate her. Consuming this Droplet immediately grants you ¡®The Flayed Queen¡¯ as a Benefactor, while also making you Blood-Bound to her. Another word for ¡®Blood-Bound¡¯ is ¡®Mindslave¡¯. Use with caution. Or, better yet, toss into a pit at the first chance you get.
Weight: 0.23 Pandas
¡®Scion¡¯s Claw¡¯ x
A long dexterous silver finger with a claw at the end, useable as a primitive club or, if you¡¯re smart about it, a spell-casting wand. Increases all blood-based magic damage by 50% and adds ¡®Fiendblood Sickness¡¯ to all spells cast using this weapon as a medium. The power of the Red Scion can be invoked through this fragment of its body a limited number of times, enabling the wielder to perform the ¡®Flayed Halo¡¯ spell. Charges: 5/5
Weight: 8.7 Pandas
¡°That¡¯s gonna be a hard no on the mask and droplet,¡± Panda said sternly. ¡°Maybe it won¡¯t work as advertised, since I¡¯m glitched.¡± ¡°Gambit! Don¡¯t mess with Absolutes, what did I tell you!? Especially not the Flayed Queen! As a matter of fact, you should throw this thing away! It¡¯s bad!¡± ¡°The Anointed Class might be good,¡± Bee muttered. ¡°Perhaps it turns you into a mosquito,¡± I replied. She frowned. ¡°Nevermind. I¡¯m no longer interested, actually.¡± ¡°You should take the Claw though,¡± I told her. Bee picked up the silver finger. It was longer than I remembered, but it also had another segment since it included the metacarpal bone. ¡°Is this an index finger or a middle finger?¡± she wondered, moving the silver ¡®wand¡¯ around. ¡°It¡¯s the ring finger,¡± I said. Panda gave me a worried look. ¡°How do you know that?¡± ¡°None of your business,¡± I replied. ¡°So what if my favorite toy as a kid was the skeleton in the nurse¡¯s office named Smiley!?¡± Bee and Panda shared a look. ¡°Panda, since you¡¯re apparently an expert,¡± she then started. ¡°What does Fiendblood do?¡± ¡°When it kills a humanoid, it turns them into a Fiend. Basically a primitive vampire kind of thing that only hungers for human flesh and blood.¡± She grinned. ¡°It¡¯s not just you who can summon monsters now, Gambit!¡± ¡°Mine are cooler,¡± I replied. ¡°Do I need to remind you that it is other people you are turning into monsters?¡± Panda scolded us. ¡°Don¡¯t be such a stick in the mud,¡± I told him. The plushie sighed. ¡°You know what? Screw it! Clearly you two don¡¯t need a moral guide. I¡¯ll just shut my trap and let you two get your villain arc underway! By all means, put on the mask and consume the Flayed Queen¡¯s blood! It¡¯ll be fun.¡± ¡°I think you broke him,¡± Bee told me, not even bothering to lower her voice. ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°What do I have to apologize for??¡± I asked the familiar. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Panda had walked away at this point, doing his best to pretend like he didn¡¯t care what we were up to. I watched him for a moment, then looked at Bee. ¡°This isn¡¯t the first time he¡¯s done this. Give him a few minutes and he¡¯ll go right back to lecturing us.¡± ¡°He seems pretty serious,¡± she commented, sounding worried. ¡°He¡¯ll be fine.¡± I turned my attention to the last item. A little obsidian floppy disk with the label ¡®unFake¡¯ on it.
¡®unFake Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Harvested from a Red Scion. Sometimes, for everyone¡¯s sake, it¡¯s better just to fake it. Fake that it feels good. Fake that love is real. Fake that you¡¯re happy. Fake that you are exactly who you say you are. ¡°A lie travels round the world, while truth is putting her boots on.¡± Plugin Ability: fauxPas Plugin Passive: Day.opposite( )
Weight: 6.1115 Pandas
¡®fauxPas¡¯ x
Plugin Ability ¡®Johnny, is that you my boy!?¡¯ *The boy¡¯s face opens up to reveal that it is, in fact, not Johnny* Target a corpse and claim its identity, becoming its mirror image. The disguise only lasts so long as you never utter a single lie. Cooldown: 3 hours
¡®Day.opposite( )¡¯ x
Plugin Passive Isn¡¯t it true what you didn¡¯t not say? Everything you say that¡¯s true is perceived as a lie, and every falsehood is considered truth.
¡°Ugh, this sounds suspiciously like the magic of a Skinstealer¡­ Although I suppose it might be good if I ever need to infiltrate one of the Agencies,¡± I said. ¡°But, then again, it¡¯s faster to just punch my way through them.¡± I put the mask and droplet into my inventory with the new plugin, since it didn¡¯t seem like Bee was gonna keep either of the two items. Besides, if I ended up selling them, I¡¯d just split the coins with her. As I was looking at my inventory, I realized I had an item I could now check safely. The plugin appeared in my hand, looking identical to the three already poking out of my chest, but the label was more ominous than all three combined. Panda immediately appeared right next to me, putting his squishy hands on my left forearm. ¡°What are you¡ª!?¡± he started to say, but then forced himself to stop mid-scold. If he¡¯d had teeth, I was sure he would¡¯ve been gritting them right about now. The amount of self-control it took him to not intervene was quite impressive. I pulled out the ¡®unHero¡¯ plugin and slotted in the one in my hand.
¡®unAlive Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª We tailormade this for you, dear Gambit. Don¡¯t be scared. Insert this Plugin into the slot where it belongs. Come on, just do it. What¡¯s the worst that can happen? Everyone here at the office is chanting your name and cheering you on. So, what are you waiting for? Insert the Plugin, Gambit.
Weight: 1.2519 Pandas
¡°Why are you doing that?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I¡¯ve got a second life, remember? I might as well use it. Plus, I¡¯m curious.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so goddamn¡ª!!¡± Panda started, almost breaking his promise to not lecture us. ¡°Don¡¯t pop a blood vessel in your forehead, buddy,¡± I told him. PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unHero¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unAlive¡¯ protocol now in effect! ¡°Hm. Nothing¡¯s happening,¡± I muttered. Then everything went black. GAME OVER! You have died. Please wait for scheduled resurrection by SKILL TRIGGER! Personal Rule(Cheat Death Once) resurrected you! Blurry and hazy light returned to my eyes, while Panda was yelling up a storm, and Bee shook me furiously. ¡°¡ªsolute numb-skulled neanderthal behavior!!¡± he finished. Then he saw I was back. ¡°Smoke came out of your goddamn eyes, you fucking moron!¡± ¡°So I died?¡± ¡°Yes!! Your brain literally fried inside your head! Why would you do something so idiotic!?¡± ¡°It smelled pretty bad,¡± Bee added. ¡°I just figured they couldn¡¯t actually give me an item that kills me.¡± ¡°There¡¯s probably a rule that says it¡¯s okay if it¡¯s very obvious what the item does,¡± Bee theorized. ¡°It was a lot less fun than I thought it would be.¡± ¡°You wasted your Cheat Death on curiosity!?¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± Panda looked like he was about to blow up from the internal stress I was apparently causing him. ¡°Calm down, it¡¯s fine.¡± ¡°Calm down!?¡± he yelled, not listening to me and only getting angrier. ¡°It was pretty stupid,¡± Bee admitted. I pulled out one of the two Fusion Gums we had split, holding it aloft like a trophy. ¡°Or was it!?¡± I asked theoretically. ¡°Yes,¡± Panda grumbled. I popped the gum in my mouth and began to chew. A full course meal of vanilla-banana ice-cream flowed across my tongue. ACTIVATING SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: ¡°Combine ¡®Personal Rule¡¯ with¡­ hmm¡­ let¡¯s try ¡®Outcast¡¯!¡±
¡®Outcast¡¯ x
Passive ¡°All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you''ll be quite a lot!¡± Neutral or Morally Good Players will instinctively be mistrustful of you, while Outcasts and Morally Evil Players will be inclined to trust you.
Panda sighed. COMBINING SKILLS! One moment¡­ ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Rules of Anarchy¡¯ Chapter -106 ¡°That¡¯s kind of a paradox, isn¡¯t it?¡± Panda muttered, as he looked at the name of the new fusion ability, the anger that¡¯d fueled him seconds ago fading away to become smoldering annoyance, which seemed his default. As I read through it, I reinstalled my ¡®unHero¡¯ plugin.
¡®Rules of Anarchy¡¯ x
Fusion Passive ¡°Fuck the law! Fuck the rules! Fuck the authorities!¡± ¡°I make the rules around here now, boys!¡± Pick a new rule that only applies to you from the following options: - Respawn Once - - Fuck Gravity - - Fall Guy - - Commuter Pass - Your choice can be altered every hour, but you cannot go back to an option you already used. All options recharge after at the start of the day.
¡°I think those are the same options as before,¡± I said. ¡°They¡¯re definitely different,¡± Panda responded. ¡°Respawn instead of Cheat Death; maybe Zero Gravity instead of no Fall Damage; not sure what Fall Guy is about; and Commuter Pass sounds like you can actually use Public Transport somehow.¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Heroes never die¡¯ Cheat Death.
The same can also be said for cockroaches. Apparently, you¡¯ve got someone high-up that put a ticket in for your resurrection once you die. The Adjudicator may have acquitted you of Insider Collusion, but we haven¡¯t given up yet! Next time you die, please stay dead.
Reward: 25x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
A Game Coin appeared in my hands and I immediately put it in my inventory. I was now up to 1568 Coins. Since I¡¯d already cheated death twice now, I figured I might as well risk it a third time, but first I activated my new passive. ¡°Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once),¡± I said. Rules of Anarchy Activated! Passive Selected: Respawn Once Description: Upon death, respawn at the beginning 1 Use ¡°Respawn at the beginning?¡± I wondered. ¡°Where would that be?¡± ¡°Maybe it sends you back to the Asylum?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°Uh! If you go back there, I¡¯ll come visit!¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°Eh, you don¡¯t want to go there,¡± I told her. ¡°I¡¯ve always wanted to see the inside of that place,¡± she continued, ignoring my words. ¡°All the orderlies have become monsters,¡± Panda said. ¡°And the lead psychiatrist is some kind of demon thing with a face that unfolds like a flower.¡± ¡°They were already monsters before the Great Game,¡± I interjected. ¡°My dad said that they help people there,¡± she commented. ¡°Not sure where he got that news from, but it was basically just a special holding facility for the people that were a threat to the inmates of normal prisons.¡± Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°You did break that one guy¡¯s fingers when you found out he was a white-collar criminal.¡± ¡°He deserved it,¡± I said, then brought up my Status screen.
Level -20 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Game.changer( ) x
---This bar is red, promise---
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Racing Bike Mana: !?M d?§Á
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Death Adder Intelligence: J Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: «H Perception: 917 Wisdom: (¨s¡ã¡õ¡ã)¨s Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®[Injection]¡¯ ¡®Punch.spinTheWheel( )¡¯ ¡®Time Save¡¯ ¡®Rootkit¡¯ ¡®.unicorn¡¯ ¡®unHaunt¡¯ ¡®unHero¡¯ ¡®unVirtuous¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Silver Skeleton¡¯ ¡®Rules of Anarchy¡¯
ULTIMATE
¡®Game.newRule( )¡¯
¡°What are you doing?¡± Bee asked, as I reached out and began to rub the box that said ¡®Mana¡¯. ¡°Tempting fate,¡± I replied. It took a few seconds, but the red text smeared away to reveal:
Mana: there''s a keyhole here now
¡°That¡¯s¡­ mysterious,¡± Panda muttered, confused. ¡°Wonder what kind of key fits into that?¡± I said. Instead of weighing in on the matter, Bee tossed her Fusion Gum into her mouth and began chewing vigorously, while making sounds of delight. ¡°Es sho delishus!¡± she mumbled. After about twenty seconds of uninterrupted chewing, she swallowed the gum with a loud gulp. Then she got her own pop-up asking for a combination, as she answered, ¡°Combine ¡®Beetle Bolt¡¯ and ¡®Moth Missile¡¯!¡± While waiting, she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet excitedly, before immediately sharing the result with me:
¡®Beetle-Moth Sting¡¯ x
Fusion Ability A Beetle and a Moth fell in love, but their child was an abomination. This attack manifests its stinger and shoots its misbegotten venom. Grow a tail with a stinger that can shoot a jet of Beetle-Moth Venom with slight tracking capabilities. The initial damage of the Venom is equal to your current Mana, and the subsequent damage per second is equal to your Intelligence. Venom Duration: 1 minute Mana Cost: 4
¡°That¡¯s so cool!¡± I said, jealously. ¡°I feel like I ruined my Punch ability by doing a Fusion on it.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s fun,¡± Bee said. ¡°I wonder if the Announcer guy for your ¡®Spin the Wheel¡¯ show is just waiting somewhere for you to use it.¡± ¡°Hmm, good question,¡± I muttered. ¡°Never thought about it to be honest.¡± ¡°Maybe you can ask him next time you use it,¡± she replied. ¡°What?¡± Panda asked. ¡°You know how he has to say ¡®Spin the Wheel¡¯ to actually spin it? What if he just talks to the Announcer instead?¡± I nodded thoughtfully. ¡°That¡¯s a good idea.¡± ¡°Stop. Don¡¯t make an enemy of the guy slave-bound to your main ability,¡± Panda warned. I ignored him like usual. ¡°Shall we get a move on?¡± I asked. Bee got to her feet. ¡°I¡¯ll lead! I¡¯m good at labyrinths!¡± ¡°By all means,¡± I said, deferring the navigator role to her. We kept hearing screeching from what we both assumed were giant rats, but we didn¡¯t see any living ones, as we moved through the convoluted shit maze. The sewer domain was generally just square boxy rooms joined together with large rounded tunnels, but these tunnels branched weirdly, often splitting several times before the next room. The remains of past victims, human and giant rat both, were also strewn about the place, but we found no signs of what¡¯d killed them. The more we progressed and filled out our maps, the more I was starting to feel like the distant echoing screeches were coming from rats fleeing the thing that was killing them. Before we could find out, fortunately, we hit a room that had an eerily familiar feature, along with a small pond full of ¡®water¡¯. ¡°Ooh!¡± Bee exclaimed. ¡°Colored Paths! I finally get to try them for real!!¡± ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not telling them that.¡± ¡°Meow¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± asked Panda, worried. ¡°Nothing,¡± I replied, refusing to spoil the fun of the multiple choice options of the four large doors built into the other side of the room. For some reason, Lordie had said what each color led to, and, while I had no assurances that he was right, I felt confident that he was. ¡°What are the options?¡± Bee asked, but before Panda could list them, something stirred in the pond between us and the doors. I immediately moved in front of her protectively, just as a scaly and dark-green figure rose up from the murky water, shedding gunk and refuse while crawling onto the stone floor. Its body was covered in something like bumpy natural armor, with a segmented tail, and two black eyes with a third between them. I¡¯d never seen its like before, but I had a fairly good idea of what it was. ¡°A crocodile!¡± I blurted out. Bee shared the Appraisal with me, before I could surge forward and punch the crap out of it. Or, rather, off of it.
Level 80 ¡®Shellby¡¯ Merchant x
¡°I don¡¯t sell banana bread.¡± You would be excused for thinking Shellby is an insect, but she is in fact a Triops native to the oceans of one of the countless other planets that took part in the GREAT GAME in the past. You might think we are punishing her by placing her in the sewers, but she actually asked for this spot, when no one else wanted it. That¡¯s right, she likes waking up to the smell of feces every morning and taking a dip in a pool of miscellaneous excrements and decayed matter. By the way, and we know you¡¯re considering this: all of our Merchants are ¡®insured¡¯. You don¡¯t want to find out what that means, so don¡¯t try to hurt them. It will not end well.
¡°So¡­ not a crocodile?¡± I said, confused. ¡°Hello there, do you want to browse my wares?¡± the Triops Merchant asked in a South African accent. ¡°Eh¡­¡± ¡°Yes!¡± Bee said excitedly, and the Merchant began to pull on a chain that she¡¯d been holding in her hands. ¡°Bet you she only sells shit,¡± Panda joked. Chapter -107 ¡°Holy crap,¡± I said, as the Triops showed us her assortment of wares within a large metal box full of shelves that she had pulled up from the pond in the middle of the room. The box, when opened, was the same size as her and probably weighed over two tons, but she¡¯d just yanked on the chain attached to it and pulled it out of the water in a single motion. On the shelves were: Tinctures of Full Recovery; Antivenom Pills; Sanity Pills; Curse-Lifting Powder; a Familiar Egg that could, apparently, turn into anything, based on the Player nurturing it; a Transport Cage for Familiars, which looked like a small purple-blue box; two different types of Spontaneous Class Change items similar to the Anointed Mask, with one giving ¡®Mentalist¡¯ and the other giving ¡®Part-Time Hero¡¯; Fusion Gum; a few different Boss items that could give abilities, such as a ¡®Turd Hobgoblin Ear¡¯ and a ¡®Rat King Crown¡¯; and, lastly, a Golden Fusion Urchin. None of the items were cheap though. The Tinctures cost 500 Coins each, the Sanity Pills were triple the price of the ones Steve had bought in the Safe Zone, the Class Change items were 1200 each, the Gum was 750, the Boss items were 950, and the Urchin was a whopping 2400. I kind of wanted the Transport Cage, since it allowed me to stow away Lordie, which seemed prudent for Boss fights, given that he was a massive weak-spot that refused to hide beneath my armor. However, it was 800 Coins. One thing that caught my eye was an anvil that stood off to the side, seemingly separated from the items on sale. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t happen to be a Wandering Smith, would you?¡± I asked her. The three eyes on her head fixed me with a stare and though I couldn¡¯t see her mouth, I thought she might be smiling. The eye in the center of the two black ones had an X instead of a pupil and it felt like it could see more than the other two, somehow. ¡°I am. What would you like to have made?¡± I had Bee pull out the ¡®Unicorn Horn¡¯ and showed it to her. ¡°What can you make with this?¡± Her segmented plate-cover arm took it from Bee¡¯s hand and placed it on the anvil, which began to glow, before a pop-up hit me.
¡®Unicorn Horn Rapier¡¯ x
Requirement(s) to Wield: 9 Dexterity Formed from the white-silver horn of a Unicorn, this weapon is both perfectly-balanced and elegant, but it takes a skilled hand to wield it. Deals double damage to certain creatures, like Undead and Demons, due to its pure nature. Special Skill(s): ¡®Silver Thorn¡¯ After piercing an enemy with this weapon, this ability can be activated to release devastating thorns of pure silver to sprout within their body, causing massive hemorrhaging. Cooldown: 5 minutes
Weight: 4.1 Pandas
¡°Damn,¡± I muttered appreciatively. ¡°You can¡¯t use it,¡± Panda said. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Your Dexterity stat is all garbled.¡± Shellby the Triops nodded. ¡°The white rat is correct, your Attributes are insufficient in your current state.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a rat!¡± Panda protested. Then the three of us paused and gave Shellby an altogether different look. ¡°You can see him!?¡± Bee and I asked in unison. ¡°Of course,¡± she answered, tapping the third central eye with the X pupil. ¡°That¡¯s surprising,¡± Panda said. The Triops, all business, brought the conversation back to what mattered: ¡°I can buy the Horn from you for 300 Game Coins.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± I mumbled. ¡°Can you make anything else?¡± Bee asked, starting to pull items out of her inventory. Shellby held up a plate-covered hand. ¡°No need to empty out your belongings, I can already see the items you are carrying.¡± She stared intently at Bee, who, at her words, put the items back into her inventory and waited patiently. ¡°You don¡¯t have enough components for anything that either of you can utilize,¡± Shellby declared. ¡°Aw.¡± Then it was my turn. The two black eyes locked onto me, but it was the third eye that seemed to peer into my belongings, which felt like some kind of violation of my rights, truth be told. The upside was that I could at least keep my clothes on, unlike every other time I¡¯d been scrutinized in the past. I brought up my own inventory screen, just to have something to look at while I waited for her verdict. Gambit¡¯s Inventory x --- Looking Glass, Conspiracy Whistle, Wet Grey Pajamas, Black Suit, Screwdriver, Fingerless Socks, Pocket-Watch, Survival Kit, 6x Victory Champagne, Moon Boots, Tattered Black Suit, Fur Collar, Swan Fois Gras, ????, Skin Robe, Challenger¡¯s Stopwatch, Paper Crown, Unicorn Blood, Unicorn Horn, Cultist Robes, Soul Compass, Sewer Map, Anointed Mask, Queen¡¯s Droplet, unFake Plugin Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. --- GAME Coins: 1568 Safe Zone Tokens: 5 Total Weight: 213.4015 Pandas ¡°If you give me the two black suits, Unicorn Blood, Moon Boots, Carapace Suit, and Fingerless Socks, along with the Unicorn Horn, then I can make this:¡±
¡®Unicorn-Slayer Suit¡¯ x
Requirement(s) to Wear: killed a Unicorn & >75% Insanity You would be forgiven for thinking this was a normal business suit, but it isn¡¯t! This is the armor of a Warrior of Mundanity, who sets out to slay the Dreams of Children and Creatures of Myth belonging to Fairytales! Only the most cold-hearted and mentally-unwell could don this suit, which is formed from make-belief-made-manifest, and the blood and body of a true Unicorn. Wearing this armor imbues you with the following effects: -25% Physical Damage Taken -25% Magical Damage Taken -50% Damage Taken from Undead and Demons +50% Damage Taken from Children +All Fairytale or Myth-based Enemies and Bosses will prioritize hurting you over other Players Special Passive(s): ¡®Immortal Fabric¡¯ This suit slowly regenerates any damage sustained to itself once out of combat. So long as a single piece of it remains, the entire suit can regrow back to full. ¡®Stainless¡¯ Thanks to hand-wavey bullshit magic, this suit is, somehow, self-cleaning.
Weight: 9.35 Pandas
¡°I¡¯ll take it!¡± I said immediately. Neither Panda nor Bee objected, which I took as a sign of approval. ¡°That will be 600 Coins,¡± she added. I frowned at the price-tag, but handed her the money, along with all the items. As I stood there, in nothing but my Schmonic Boots and purple Lust Demon Loincloth, Shellby placed the items on the anvil, which began to glow a golden-orange. She didn¡¯t do anything exciting, like bringing out a magical hammer, mutter magical words, nor anything like that, as, disappointingly, the anvil itself did all the work. Nevertheless, it was hard to beat the results, as a gorgeous and apparently-indestructible suit manifested from the seemingly-random components melding together. The moment she handed the suit to me, I tossed it into my inventory and equipped it through its magical powers, the suit appearing on my body without a fuss. The fabric was black and stretchy, with notched lapels, and an absurdly-comfortable inner lining. Conveniently, it also covered up my plugin slots. ¡°It fits like a glove,¡± I said, satisfied. Shellby fixed me with her three-eyed glare again, and then said, ¡°I will buy the Anointed Mask and Fur Collar from you for 1000 Coins.¡± I blinked, surprised at the number. Though I wasn¡¯t sure we should be selling the mask, since that kind of Class sounded pretty powerful. ¡°I¡¯ll sell you the Collar for 800,¡± I said. ¡°It is not worth that much,¡± she replied. ¡°I¡¯ve seen 3 Class Change items thus far, but only one race-changing one. I¡¯m sure it¡¯s worth double what I¡¯m asking.¡± The Triops narrowed her eyes. ¡°I can trade you the Transport Cage for it.¡± I inspected the item, trying to figure out if I actually wanted it or not. It took me a second to realize that she had somehow sussed out that I wanted the item, though it was also possible that she¡¯d just noticed Lordie who lay atop my head, fingers splayed while he slept.
¡®Familiar Transport Cage¡¯ x
A transport cage the size of a Tic Tac box that is, through dimensional fuckery, able to store a familiar of any size within. Since storing a pocket realm inside a pocket realm leads to Recursive Reality Degradation and Timeline ¡®Hiccups¡¯, you cannot put this item into your inventory. Familiar Capacity: 1 Warning: If the cage is destroyed, any familiar inside dies.
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°It can¡¯t be put in your inventory, but it¡¯s definitely a much smaller target,¡± Panda said. ¡°I think you should get it.¡± The Unicorn-Slayer Suit came with a front pocket that would be the perfect size to hold it, which was ultimately what sold me on the trade. As I gave Shellby the Fur Collar, glad to be rid of the thing, she handed me a little box like one for cigarettes, except made of purple-blue quartz or something. If not for the sign on the shelf of the chest full of her wares, I wouldn¡¯t even have known that this thing was a ¡®cage¡¯ in the first place. ¡°In you go,¡± I said to Lordie, flicking open the lid and making him immediately disappear inside. Satisfied that it worked, I put it into the front pocket of my neat new suit. No sooner had I lifted my hand away than the lid flicked open on its own and Lordie appeared back atop my head. ¡°Meow!¡± he complained in his deep sultry voice. ¡°You get back in there this instant, young man!¡± I scolded him. ¡°Me-ow!¡± ¡°You take that back!¡± ¡°Meow..¡± ¡°What¡¯s he saying?¡± Bee asked, while Panda and Shellby just watched. ¡°I¡¯m not going to repeat his words,¡± I told her. ¡°But he doesn¡¯t want to be in the cage¡­¡± ¡°Tell him that it¡¯s only during fights.¡± ¡°You heard her,¡± I said. ¡°Me-ow..?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. Only during fights.¡± ¡°Meow.¡± I let out a sigh of relief. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Hand him a Twizzler,¡± Panda advised and I obliged. Only after the hand-spider had slurped up the sugary treat did I ask, ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Positive reinforcement.¡± We did some more haggling, though I didn¡¯t buy anything else, holding on to my remaining 968 Coins for when we killed the Mayor and got our own Safe Zone Sphere. Bee sold the ¡®Spark Tube¡¯ we¡¯d looted off of Isabella, along with her armor, sword, and a bunch of other random items she¡¯d looted here-and-there. Most of it was just small stuff, and she¡¯d even brought several of the horrific-sounding cans of food and desserts with her, the latter type of which greatly interested the Triops. After selling the Birthday Cake and Tuna Ice-Cream cans, she¡¯d made a profit of about 650 Coins, but she used 500 of them to buy a ¡®Tincture of Full Recovery¡¯.
¡®Tincture of Full Recovery¡¯ x
Although we can¡¯t tell you what these little vials contain, we can reveal that the Child Protective Services is the only Agency in the GREAT GAME that produces them. The Queen of the CPS Hive herself is said to consume dozens of these Tinctures daily, in order to keep her rapid aging and countless illnesses at bay. After all, she is the longest-living entity across all of the Agencies. Anyway, the effect of this item should be very familiar to you: Consuming this fully recovers your body and restores it to peak condition.
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°Alright, with all that out of the way, let¡¯s pick a door,¡± I said. ¡°Green!¡± Bee exclaimed. ¡°Definitely Yellow,¡± Panda answered. ¡°My choice would be Blue.¡± ¡°So it¡¯s a Mexican Standoff,¡± she said seriously, while nodding to herself for some reason. ¡°Let¡¯s do Rock-Paper-Scissors to determine whose door we go with,¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s not fair,¡± Panda complained. ¡°Oh, right, no fingers¡­ Hmm¡­ Lordie will do it in your stead.¡± ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°What¡¯d he say?¡± Panda asked. ¡°¡®Bring it on¡¯,¡± I translated. ¡°Don¡¯t let me down, Lordie,¡± the plushie told the hand-spider. Chapter -108 We went towards the Blue door, after I¡¯d won the Rock-Paper-Scissors game, crushing both Lordie and Bee in two separate ¡®best of 3¡¯ matches, after beating them simultaneously the first time. ¡°How did you do that?¡± Bee was wondering. Panda was sitting on her shoulder and nodding along. ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t cheat,¡± I told Lordie, then looked over at Bee. ¡°I¡¯ve never lost a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Ever.¡± ¡°That¡¯s statistically-impossible,¡± she replied. ¡°And yet true.¡± Panda frowned. ¡°He¡¯s not lying, as far as I can tell.¡± Two achievements came just as I was about to put my hand on the Blue door handle.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Kitted out!¡¯ Equipped a Legendary piece of Armor.
Legendary armor doesn¡¯t just get handed out on a whim. There are very specific requirements to obtain it, such as locating elusive Wandering Smiths and having the right materials, defeating particularly-challenging Boss encounters, or placing first in GAME Events. Finding a Smith AND having all the materials for a Legendary armor to be crafted is highly unlikely, given how obscure the schematics are! Mark my words, we will find out how you¡¯re cheating the RNG of the System!
Reward: x50 ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ & ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Unanimous Victory¡¯ Flawlessly defeated a Player in a Game of Chance.
This achievement is meant to trigger off a specific type of Challenge Dungeon and GAME Event, but instead you triggered it with¡­ Rock-Paper-Scissors? We asked the Moths for guidance and they said that this is not a bug. Anyway, how did you do that?
Reward: ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯
¡®Lucky Dice¡¯ x
Everyone has a method for tweaking their luck. Most of it, like wearing your smelliest pair of underwear or chopping off a rabbit¡¯s foot, is obviously superstition that doesn¡¯t work, but this pair of dice is different. Roll this pair of dice to make your next luck-based Encounter, Skill, or Loot Drop veer heavily in your favor. Charges: 1 This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. This item appears on your Appraisal!
Weight: 0.3 Pandas
¡°Tweak my luck?¡± I pondered. ¡°That might work on your Spin the Wheel ability,¡± Bee guessed, after reading the tooltip. ¡°Could also use it before activating a Boss item, in order to get a rare Skill to appear, like the Soul Blade,¡± Panda said. ¡°The fact that it appears on my Appraisal is worrying,¡± I remarked. ¡°Eh, you already have so many things listed on there, what¡¯s one more?¡± I turned around on the spot and waved the Lucky Dice at Shellby, who was in the middle of closing down her large metal box of wares in preparation for moving on. ¡°Hey, Shelly, how much are these worth!?¡± The Triops Merchant stopped what she was doing, and bolted to the side of the room where we stood so quickly that the breath seized in my lungs. I had definitely caught her interest. ¡°Where did you get that?¡± ¡°An achievement.¡± ¡°I will buy it from you for 1200 Coins.¡± ¡°That much, huh? And no thanks, I¡¯m keeping them.¡± ¡°1500,¡± she said, raising the price. ¡°Unless you¡¯re paying me 5000, the answer is still no.¡± Shellby narrowed her eyes. Then she sighed in defeat and said, ¡°Since you are the first customers of mine, I will share this with you.¡±
¡®Cheater¡¯s Gloves¡¯ x
Schematic A Wandering Smith¡¯s schematic for the Legendary item ¡®Cheater¡¯s Gloves¡¯. Components required: 5x ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯ x3000 ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ ¡®Fusion Gum¡¯ ¡®High-quality gloves¡¯ ¡®Deck of cards¡¯
¡°What do they do?¡± ¡°You will have to craft them to find out,¡± Shellby replied. ¡°I bet they¡¯re really strong,¡± Panda commented. ¡°If it uses Lucky Dice, then maybe it has something to do with making you so lucky it seems like cheating?¡± Bee guessed. ¡°Wonder how I can get more of these Dice,¡± I said. ¡°Since they appear on Appraisals, maybe you can kill other Players who have them?¡± I nodded. ¡°Good thinking.¡± ¡°Come find me when you have the components,¡± Shellby said, then began walking back towards her box lazily, none of her earlier speed present. I watched her for a moment, then turned back to face the Blue door. ¡°Let¡¯s find the treasure that awaits us!¡± I said excitedly and pushed it open. ¡°You know where this leads?¡± Panda asked. I gave him a knowing smile. After all, Lordie had said that the order was like this: Boss ¡ª Death ¡ª Treasure ¡ª Setback Bee followed behind me. ¡°Green is definitely the one with treasure.¡± ¡°No, that¡¯s Yellow,¡± Panda retorted. ¡°Brock says Red, like blood,¡± the gauntlet chimed in, probably just because he felt left out. As the Blue door shut behind us, the hallway was submerged in total darkness. A second later, it pulsed with glowing colorful dots, as countless ribbons of fairy-lights all lit up at once. They were stringed across the walls and ceiling, pulsing gently in warm whites, reds, yellows, oranges, greens, and blues. Bee gasped in delight and spun around, as we walked through the hallway. Then the floor disappeared below us and we were deposited in the middle of a rounded tunnel. Screech!! came the desperate voice of a child-sized rat running past us on all fours. Several more followed right behind it, utterly ignoring our presence. We spun around to look back the way they¡¯d come, just as the second-worst stench I¡¯d ever had the displeasure of inhaling filled my nostrils. My vision went white from the sheer impact of the foul smell, and a painful whine filled my ears, as my brain struggled to comprehend what my nose was registering. ¡°Good Lord, what is that?¡± I said, while pinching my nose in vain. ¡°Me-ow!¡± I blinked and looked up at the familiar on my head, who was doing a spirited wriggle. ¡°What!? You traitorous little shit!!¡± Bee spared a glance my way, as the sound of something slimy came from down the end of the tunnel, where it curved to the left. ¡°What¡¯d he say??¡± ¡°He said: ¡®Hah hah, Blue wasn¡¯t Treasure, Blue was Boss. This is what you get for shaking me!¡¯¡± ¡°I think you deserved that,¡± Panda remarked ¡°Yeah, that¡¯ll teach me to listen to his advice for sure.¡± ¡°You¡¯re definitely missing the point here.¡± Bee yelped. I looked back down the tunnel and saw what she¡¯d seen. She shared the Appraisal from her Nerdy Spectacles with me, and then we both turned and ran after the giant rats.
Level 40 ¡®Shit Worm¡¯ World Boss x
¡°*Munching sounds*¡± You may be wondering. How did this creature get its name? Is it because it smells like shit? Is it because it eats shit? Or is it perhaps because it is made of shit? Wrong, wrong, technically-yes. The System, in its unknowable wisdom, found and reanimated a Fatberg, i.e. the resultant mass of the most cursed union between unflushable wet wipes and fatty substances like oil and grease. Given how it smells, it might as well be called a Shitberg. Especially since it has been trawling its Sewer Kingdom for sustenance and coated itself in a shiny protective layer of excrements. As you might imagine, the Envy Demons watching are quite a fan of this vile creation. There¡¯s a special reward for you if you can kill it, but please, for the love of the Absolutes, don¡¯t use fire!
Chapter -109 I was rolling along the curving tunnel wall as a giant Worm of shit, wet wipes, and hardened grease followed behind, each motion pulling it forward producing an echoing squelch. Aside from the fact that it was a massive log of crap that had a large maw able to produce a suction-like pull of anything in front of it, the stench it produced was a weapon of its own. Bee was holding on to my shoulders with her wings out behind her, as my longboard flew down through the dark smelly sewers that I was only able to navigate thanks to my Transition Lenses. ¡°Beetle-Moth Sting!¡± she exclaimed and a strange segmented tail like the body of a centipede covered in fuzzy hair grew from her lower back. It swiveled around and fired a jet of greyish-green acid back at our enormous pursuer, most of it hitting the side of its head, while the rest landed on the ground in front of it and ate its way through the stone. A loud gurgling roar came from the turd beast, and its powerful voice shook the tunnel with enough force that several stones popped out of place from the curved ceiling. As large filth-crusted bricks rained down on us, I had to swerve to avoid impact. Panda was sitting on the top of my head, yelling out warnings and directions, while holding my Sewer Map in his fingerless hands. Normally, my head was reserved for Lordie, but he was currently confined to the Transport Cage sitting in my suit¡¯s front-pocket, as punishment for luring us into a Boss fight. ¡°There! Go down the left side-tunnel!¡± Panda yelled, right as I hopped over a giant rat that¡¯d been splattered by a ceiling brick. [RESPECTFUL!] praised the mouth at the front of the board incoherently. At first I couldn¡¯t see what he was talking about, but as the Shit Worm kept up its pursuit and the segments of the large tunnel rolled by, I spotted a very small hole in the left wall coming in hot. ¡°Hold on!¡± I told them, while steering the longboard towards it, sacrificing velocity in exchange for maneuverability, as even the reality-defying board couldn¡¯t just change directions on a dime, while moving over 80 miles an hour. ¡°It¡¯s getting closer!¡± Bee yelled, tossing a Beetle Bomb into the mouth of the foul beast. The resultant explosion was swallowed up by whatever kind of digestive system it had, but it still roared indignantly and made the tunnel tremble. Only a few more yards separated us from the smaller tunnel entrance and I could feel the overbearing presence of the worm as it closed the distance. Then, with another quick adjustment of the board¡¯s wheels, I was through. The Shit Worm slammed into the hole, trying to follow us, but it was too big to fit through. ¡°Don¡¯t slow down!¡± Panda yelled, as we zoomed down through the much narrower tunnel. ¡°Where are we going?¡± Bee asked, while doing her best not to clip her wings into the walls. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°There¡¯s another, much bigger tunnel up ahead that we¡¯re heading towards,¡± he told her, turning around to show her the map. ¡°Looks like we¡¯re about to hit one of those square rooms again,¡± she commented. Moments later, the narrow tunnel shot us out into just such a room, but I didn¡¯t slow down to take it in, instead flying right above a filth pond in the center and into another big tunnel. A loud crash of stones and splashing water came from behind us. Bee looked back and yelped. ¡°The Worm found us already!¡± ¡°How the hell is it tracking us!?¡± I wondered. ¡°There should be a hole in the floor of the tunnel coming up!¡± Panda announced. ¡°A what?¡± I managed to ask, just as we came around a bend and saw a bunch of panicked-looking giant rats standing on the precipice of a massive hole, where the floor was just gone. ¡°I don¡¯t think I can jump that,¡± I said. ¡°But maybe I can go along the ceiling upside-down. It¡¯s gonna be risky though!¡± ¡°You¡¯re not jumping it,¡± Panda said. ¡°We¡¯re going into the hole!¡± ¡°What??¡± I asked, just as the Shit Worm coiled itself up like a spring and shot forward, nearly catching us with its maw as it chomped down. ¡°Oh fuck, oh fuck!!¡± I cursed, as its foul stench filled my nostrils anew. Bee threw another Beetle Bomb at it, but it just bounced off the side of its body, before exploding ineffectually. ¡°Alright, hole it is!¡± I said and leapt off from the ground, sailing over the heads of the rats. Several of them took the leap of faith as well, which was understandable, since certain foul-smelling death was hot on our tail. ¡°Wooooh!!¡± Bee exclaimed as we began falling. She collapsed her wings, committing us fully to reaching terminal velocity and as a result we quickly picked up a ton of speed. Somehow, despite being nearly horizontal as I fell, the longboard still stuck to the soles of my Schmonic Boots. Rats fell down alongside us, tumbling through the air with fear in their beady little eyes. One of them was unlucky enough to get too close to the rocky dirt walls of the massive hole and its speed turned it into a red smear. ¡°Oh crap!¡± Panda said, looking up. I twisted my neck back to see what he¡¯d seen, only to immediately regret it as I realized that the enormous Shit Worm was following us down. Its girth was so massive that there was hardly any space between its body and the walls. Given its mass and speed, this meant that every brush it had against the sides of the hole tore off large chunks of its disgusting body, quickly shaving it down. Still, it seemed to be very much alive and eager to devour us. Then a light at the bottom of the impressively-long hole came up to meet us. Bee immediately engaged her wings, sending us on an angled trajectory forward, so we wouldn¡¯t be crushed by the Worm as it landed. As soon as we flew down into the new tunnel that met us, the World Boss came down on the cement floor with a deafening and crunchy splat. Brown wet wipes covered in crystalized fat was flung everywhere. All the rats that¡¯d fallen with us were turned into indistinguishable smears upon landing, but we managed to mostly redirect our downward velocity into forward momentum, although Bee had quite a strained look on her face from holding on to me, while using her wings as a glider. Then the deflated tube of turds roared. ¡°It¡¯s still alive!?¡± I yelled. ¡°How is that possible!?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about that!¡± Panda urged. ¡°Just keep going!¡± The map in his hands had gone dark, as though no longer functional. ¡°Look for a service door or something!¡± he told Bee and I. Prompted by his request, I finally started to take in our surroundings. There were lights all along the walls and metal tracks running along the floor. We clearly weren¡¯t in the sewers anymore. No. We were somewhere far worse. An ear-splittingly-loud friendly-sounding female voice echoed down through the tunnel. [¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¤¢¤Ê¤¿¤¿¤Á¤òßÞz¤ß¤Þ¤¹¡£¤´×¢Ò⤯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] We had found our way into the underground metro¡­ Chapter -110 ¡°A metro tunnel!?¡± I yelled at Panda. ¡°Why would you bring us here!?¡± ¡°It was the most obvious choice for how to find the Broadcast Nest!¡± he replied, though he also clearly didn¡¯t like the fact that the voice of the man-eating Metro Train was coming closer-and-closer. ¡°It¡¯s probably below this place, so we just need to find a stairwell or some service ladder.¡± ¡°It does make sense that they would hide in a place people are unlikely to visit,¡± Bee said. She wasn¡¯t wrong, of course, but it was hard to rationalize a decision that put us right into the home of the scariest creature we¡¯d encountered thus far. [³ö¿Ú¤Ï¤´¤¶¤¤¤Þ¤»¤ó¡£ÌÓ¤²¤ë¤Î¤Ï¤ª¤ä¤á¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] ¡°She¡¯s saying, ¡®There is no exit, please do not run¡¯,¡± Bee translated. ¡°You really don¡¯t have to do that,¡± I told her. A drawn-out noise came from behind us, the ground trembling as the Metro monster probably dragged itself down the brightly-lit tunnel. We continued rolling down along the metal tracks, and I realized that the ground here wasn¡¯t damaged from the Metro passing through in the past, perhaps thanks to the metal guides and ample space. ¡°This tunnel is way bigger than any normal Metro tunnel,¡± Bee commented, almost reading my mind. ¡°Maybe it expands as the Man-Eater Metro grows?¡± Panda guessed. That was an unsettling prospect, but it might make some sense, if this was the domain of the monstrosity and the two were linked together. I pointed back the way we¡¯d come and said, ¡°.unicorn( )!¡± ¡°What¡¯d you do that for?¡± Panda asked. I craned my neck back just in time to see a rainbow manifest across the width of the tunnel, with a cloud at one end and a black pot full of gold in the other. Then a short and very hairy red-haired imp with long floppy ears, a green suit, and a top hat appeared next to the pot, rubbing his hands in apparent glee. ¡°Oh, me pot o¡¯ gold!¡± he said as though he was in love. ¡°That¡¯s a pretty horrible caricature of Irish people,¡± Bee commented. I brought the longboard to a halt, just as a rainbow puff of smoke came from behind the imp and a bi-pedal unicorn appeared, wearing a black ski-mask and wielding an aluminum baseball bat. ¡°Watch out!¡± Bee yelled to the imp, but it was too late. A loud smack came as the unicorn whacked the imp in the head with its bat. Then it grabbed the pot of gold and vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind the rainbow and imp, who slowly bled out on the floor of the tunnel. ¡°Huh, not what I expected.¡± ¡°Why are you stopping? Go, go!¡± Panda yelled, just as the voice of the Metro rang down the underground again. I blinked the confusion away and hopped back on my board, while Bee began flying forward on her own. No sooner had I picked up some speed than the mouth at the front said: [SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATOR!] The longboard vanished under me and I tumbled forward, smashing my chin into the concrete floor. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°Ow. That smarts.¡± The drawn-out noise grew louder and I instinctively looked back, seeing the rainbow dissipate, while the imp¡¯s corpse remained where it¡¯d fallen. Past that was a large window set into an amalgamation of metal and flesh, below which was a bottomless black maw, ready to devour us. [¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¤ª¿Í˜”·½¤Ï¤ï¤¿¤·¤ÎÖФËÈë¤ê¤Þ¤¹¡£] ¡°Soon, passengers will enter my tummy,¡± Bee translated. I quickly unequipped my suit through my Inventory, as I ran away as fast as I could. Although the Schmonic Boots prevented me from unlocking the full speed of BIRTHDAY_SUIT, their additional speed more than made up for it. The noise became louder-and-louder, while I pushed my legs to their utmost limit, the muscles in my calves feeling like they might snap from the strain. Then an idea entered my mind. It was frankly quite an obvious one. I skidded to a halt. ¡°What are you doing, idiot!?¡± ¡°Why are we looking for stairs or a ladder, when we can make our own entrance??¡± I swung my fist down against the concrete floor. ¡°Pow!!¡± exclaimed Brock. The stone crumbled with ease, though the floor was clearly quite thick. Bee alighted next to me, while I kept punching the floor, as the Man-Eating Metro rapidly closed the distance. ¡°Watch out,¡± she said and dropped a fully-charged Beetle Bomb down into the hole I¡¯d made. I took a step back while blowing air into the valve attached to the wrist of my balloon gauntlet. ¡°I¡¯ll burst!!¡± Brock said excitedly. Blam! The Beetle Bomb widened the hole but there was still a bit to go, so, with Brock bloated with potent energy, I brought out my Giant-Slayer Soul Blade. The yellow carrot spear manifested in my hands and I lifted it above my head, charging it up to full, before slamming it tip-first into the floor. BOOM!! The explosion sent a quake through the metro tunnel and even the approaching monstrosity paused, as only thirty yards separated us. The backlash of the impact flung me back several yards, though Bee was able to use her wings to keep herself from flying away. As the concrete dust dissipated, a large hole was visible where I¡¯d struck. ¡°Go!¡± I yelled to Bee. [ÌÓ¤²¤ë¤Î¤Ï¤ª¤ä¤á¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] The Metro Train surged forward and Bee immediately hopped down the hole, bringing Panda with her. A second later, the World Boss moved over the hole and continued heading for me. It was too late for me to escape, so I did the only stupid thing I could think of in the moment. I ran towards the Metro. ¡°If this kills me, I¡¯ll be sent back to the Asylum,¡± I muttered, annoyed. The Metro loomed over me as the distance between us shrunk. It felt like time slowed down as I looked up at the massive window at the front of its ¡®face¡¯, as well as the big bottomless gaping maw below it. Behind the window pane was a whirling mess of restless ghosts, whose hands left bloody prints on the glass. All of them seemed to say the same thing: ¡®Don¡¯t get eaten!¡¯ I dodgerolled. It was a weird feeling, as the massive body of the monstrosity moved through me, the I-Frames passive allowing me to phase its attack.
¡®I-Frames¡¯ x
Passive We¡¯re not sure how this works¡­ Dodgerolling allows you to phase through attacks if timed correctly.
It was a good thing that it trying to devour me was considered an attack, but the next issue was the matter of its tremendous length, and I found myself having to keep rolling, while my momentum carried me forwards. The Man-Eater¡¯s figure just kept going-and-going, while I continued rolling along the floor, unable to see since I was phasing through its metal-and-flesh body. Then I felt a sudden rush as the ground vanished beneath me. I bonked my head on something hard and stars filled my vision, but I kept falling. The noise of the Metro Monster suddenly faded and I opened my eyes, seeing the concrete ceiling pulling away from me as I plummeted. A moment later, I collided with something springy and sticky, continuing to plummet for a couple seconds more, before the thing that¡¯d caught me bounced back up. ¡°Gambit!¡± Bee exclaimed, coming over to me, as the bouncy new floor kept vibrating up-and-down in ever-decreasing motions. I peeled myself off the sticky ground to look around. We were caught in a massive spiderweb anchored to the metro tunnel above, while hanging over a dark unfathomable abyss. With a contended sigh, I laid back down. ¡°I knew that would work.¡± Lordie popped out of his Transport Cage, skittered around on my chest for a moment, before taking in our surroundings. ¡°Meow!¡± he exclaimed and disappeared back into the Cage. ¡°Huh, that¡¯s ironic,¡± I muttered. ¡°What¡¯d he say?¡± Panda wondered, as he climbed down from Bee¡¯s shoulder to stand next to my head. ¡°Apparently he¡¯s afraid of spiders.¡± Chapter -111 ¡°So this is the place they wanted me to find,¡± I muttered, walking across the sticky and springy web that hung down below the metro tunnel high above, as though it was a suicide-prevention net. Each footfall was preceded by an exaggerated leg-lift to pull my Schmonic Boots off the floor. Below the net was an abyss, but, as I looked down the gaps between the large criss-crossing strands of the web, I saw a few twinkling dots far below. Or maybe they were eyes blinking as they stared up at me. It was hard to tell without going down to check. Bee floated above the web using her wings, while I trudged forward towards some kind of structure that was attached to its center, hanging below and weighing the whole web down. Every step I took made the distant egg-shaped building bob up-and-down. ¡°Must suck working in there,¡± I commented. ¡°There¡¯s no way they don¡¯t know we¡¯re coming,¡± Panda said, once again back on my shoulder. An achievement suddenly appeared:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Skilled Defense¡¯ Use a Skill to avoid an unavoidable lethal attack.
Normally, this is a reward for an impressive move, but¡­ what the crap was that?? I mean, it was something, but there¡¯s just no way it should have worked! The Transport World Bosses are meant to pull you into their internal realms when you get close enough, but it seems like, looking at the logs, that you dodged the auto-teleport spell¡­ You¡¯re definitely not supposed to be able to dodge that! Also, we¡¯re not even meant to be handing these out as rewards yet, but the System insisted¡­
Reward: ¡®Growth Hormone¡¯
¡®Growth Hormone¡¯ x
Face it, your natural biology is shit. You¡¯ll never become swole like those other guys in the gym. But luckily for you, you don¡¯t need to rely on your weak-as-piss DNA, when you have Growth Hormone!! Consuming this will allow you to evolve one of your Skills, altering its function, adding additional effects, or buffing the existing one.
Weight: N/A
¡°Woah,¡± I muttered, as a small plastic bag full of white powder landed in my hands. ¡°Is that cornstarch?¡± Bee asked. I shared the tooltip with her. ¡°Oooh, that sounds powerful.¡± ¡°I wonder what I should use it on,¡± I considered. ¡°Unless you can decide in the next two seconds, you might wanna put your nose candy away,¡± Panda warned, pointing ahead to dark shapes skittering along the web towards us. ¡°I¡¯m low on Mana!¡± Bee said, worried. ¡°I¡¯ll deal with them, while you use that book of yours to recover,¡± I told her and tried my best to charge towards the incoming enemies, though it wasn¡¯t much faster than normal walking, thanks to the stickiness of the ¡®floor¡¯. Since I clearly wasn¡¯t going to get to them and beat them up, I instead stopped moving and cocked back my right fist. Then I punched the air, shooting a burst of concentrated wind down the length of the vibrating spiderweb, catching one of the black many-legged shapes in the middle and popping it like a balloon. ¡°Eat my farts!!¡± Brock squealed. I gave the gauntlet a sidelong look. ¡°Those aren¡¯t farts,¡± I argued. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about the semantics!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°More are coming!¡± I swung my fist again, sending another burst of air at the nearest dark skittering creature, popping it as the long-ranged strike connected. But there were many more coming behind it and they were rapidly closing the distance. Bee was still meditating with the Litany she¡¯d gotten from the REPD Agents after the first Event, and wouldn¡¯t be able to help, so I began inflating the balloon gauntlet with the valve by the wrist.
¡®Litany of System Prayers¡¯ x
A cherished and well-cared-for book of Prayers used by an REPD Agent of the GREAT GAME. Within it are many rituals and prayers that, although carrying no actual effect, seems to make the Beetles of the REPD feel like they are fighting with the System at their backs. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. The System honestly doesn¡¯t care about them or their prayers. This Litany grants the reader the ability to meditate and recoup lost Stamina, Health, and Mana at a rate of 1 point per 2 minutes.
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
The distance to the frontmost black spiders shrunk to just a few yards, while I pumped up Brock, much to his excitement. Just as one of the large black creatures leapt for me, its eight hairy legs lifted into the air and huge forearm-sized fangs aiming for my face, I swung the bloated yellow gauntlet forward. The knuckles connected right with the middle of its body, where all the legs came together. ¡°Kapow!!¡± Brock shouted gleefully as a massive shockwave exploded out from the point of impact. The black Labrador-sized tarantula was annihilated, with tiny bits of its body shot away from it and towards the others coming in. The pressurized air moved down the length of the spiderweb, flinging dozens of the spiders off the sides or just straight-up pulping them with its force. My entire body was pressed down into the elastic web from the backwash, before the ¡®floor¡¯ sprung back up, sending me flying towards the remaining tarantulas and the structure they¡¯d emerged from. I landed fist-first atop one, crushing it into the elastic floor and sending a ripple of vibrations outward. Then I picked up the dead spider and tore off one of its fangs, flinging it at another that was still alive. ¡°Queensland!!¡± Brock squealed. There was only one more tarantula remaining and it was limping back towards the egg-shaped building. ¡°Catch!¡± I yelled, before hurling the crushed spider in my hand at it. ¡°Boom!!¡± Brock roared, as the distant target was sent tumbling off the side of the web and into the abyss. I remained standing where I was, as the whole web continued to bob from the brief fight. Then I pulled out the ¡®Growth Hormone¡¯ again. ¡°I know what I¡¯ll use this on,¡± I said, before opening the plastic bag and shoving the white powder into my mouth by using my hand as a scoop. ¡°I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s how you¡¯re meant to consume it,¡± Panda said. A cough escaped my mouth, sending a cloud of the stuff everywhere. ¡°It¡¯s actually cornstarch!¡± I muttered, tasting nothing but vanilla-banana, while all the moisture was sucked out of my mouth. Growth Hormone ingested! Select a Skill to Grow Once a Skill has been chosen, the choice cannot be altered ¡°What are you going to use it on?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I think using it on Glitch might really break things more than they are, and probably not in a beneficial way. Could also use it on Insanity, or your new Spin The Wheel ability, or maybe even Soul Blade.¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna use it on my Punch Multiplier,¡± I told him. Since he didn¡¯t even argue, I guessed he was okay with it. It was a strange feeling to not have my idea shot down immediately¡­ ¡°Grow ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯!¡± Passive selected! ¡­ Injecting Growth Hormones into Passive¡­ ¡­ Telling everyone the growth is natural¡­ ¡­ Growth type undecided¡­ ¡­ Pick one of the following Growth options: (1) Evolve Passive into Ability (2) Enhance existing effect (3) Add additional effect ¡°Hmm, that¡¯s a tough one.¡± I shared the options with Bee, along with the current Passive description:
¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ x
Passive Multiplies your Punch with itself. How does that work? Who knows?
She got up from where she¡¯d been meditating and flew over to where I stood, then asked, ¡°Is this something you use a lot in its current form?¡± ¡°It used to work well along with my old Punch Harder skill,¡± I said. ¡°It doesn¡¯t really come up that much anymore though, which is why I figured I might as well try to make it better for those times where it does come into play.¡± ¡°I think, based on the way it works, that it might become similar to Punch Harder if you turn it into an ability,¡± Panda advised. I could sort of see the logic in that, but I was worried it would end up less useful. ¡°Could also add a new effect and hope it gives you something good,¡± Bee said. After an excruciating three seconds of reflecting over the issue, I picked the evolve option. Growth type decided! ¡­ Evolving Passive into Ability¡­ ¡­ No, guys, I swear, it¡¯s 100% all me¡­ ¡­ Congratulations, you unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Math.pow(Punch)¡¯ ¡°Fuck yes,¡± I said with a grin as I saw the result.
¡®Math.pow(Punch)¡¯ x
Evolved Ability Evolved from the ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ Passive. We definitely need to do something about you using glitched Skills along with Fusion Gums or Growth Hormones, as the results are frankly not healthy for the integrity of the GREAT GAME. By uttering the word ¡®Pow!¡¯ before a punch, its damage is raised to the power of punches performed since the start of the fight. Restriction: one use per fight
Chapter -112 I gave Bee a few more minutes to recoup her Mana, before having her airlift me to the entrance of the building hanging down below the enormous web. There was no door or anything, it was really just a hole in the sticky floor that was just about large enough for both of us to squeeze through. ¡°I¡¯ll go first,¡± I said, clenching my fists in preparation. ¡°Save your big Pow Punch, but try to maximize your normal punches to build up its potential,¡± Panda coached. Brock and I were both giddy with excitement for actually using this new skill, but it was a good idea to heed his advice. Not to mention, the more I built it up, the more potent it would become, which was only a good thing. I took a deep breath, as though I was about to hop down into a dark bottomless lake. Then I jumped in. WARNING! Now entering the Broadcast Department¡¯s ¡®Castleburg Regional Headquarters¡¯! I landed on a brown scraggly carpet with my knees, finding myself within the lobby of a windowless building. Immediately ahead of me was a receptionist counter and behind it was an elevator. The walls had brownish-yellow wallpaper and the carpet covered every inch of floor. The ceiling looked like paper or cardboard, and there were a few dim lamps here-and-there. With a yelp, Bee landed beside me. ¡°My Benefactor laid a trap for me!¡± I exclaimed, while getting to my feet. ¡°I don¡¯t think they¡¯re working with the Agencies,¡± Panda said, ¡°But yeah, not telling you that they were leading you to the Regional Headquarters is like asking you to get jumped.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a Receptionist here as well,¡± Bee remarked, and I looked at the counter where the top of a head was visible now that I was standing up. Whoever was manning the desk clearly knew about us. ¡°Please don¡¯t kill me!¡± came the voice of the spider, interspersed with clicks. ¡°Stop hiding so we can see you,¡± I told her. Bee was aiming the palm of her hand at the woman like this was a robbery. ¡°Don¡¯t immediately shoot the Receptionist this time,¡± Panda told her. ¡°If she doesn¡¯t try to call reinforcements, I won¡¯t have to,¡± she said coldly. The spider Receptionist uncurled from behind the counter and rose to her full height. Her body was covered in black fur, with two large mandibles clicking nervously in front of her mouth. Four of her appendages served as arms, while the other four were used as legs. From her behind protruded a large rounded abdomen. ¡°Tell us how to destroy this place,¡± I demanded. ¡°Are you going to kill me?¡± ¡°Not if you answer the damn question.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a shutdown button in the Boss¡¯ office.¡± ¡°And where¡¯s that.¡± ¡°On floor fourteen.¡± ¡°And that elevator will take us all the way to him?¡± ¡°No. You need a keycard from this floor to go to floor two, then a keycard from there to go to floor three, repeating with every floor.¡± If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°That¡¯s a wildly incompetent system,¡± Bee muttered, lowering her arm in disgust. ¡°Give us the keycard,¡± I told the spider. ¡°Are you going to kill me??¡± I shared a glance with Bee, while Panda was shaking his head furiously. ¡°Let me ask you this: have you ever killed a human before?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t, I promise!¡± the Receptionist immediately replied. ¡°What does her Appraisal say?¡± I asked Bee. She shared it with me.
Level 2 ¡®Cha-kh-kh-kha¡¯ Receptionist x
¡°*Nervous chittering noises*¡± Job: Receptionist Affiliation: Broadcast Department This is a Receptionist working for the Broadcast Department. Her job, like that of all receptionists in industries with literally-zero customer interaction is one veiled in mystery and intrigue. As with most in her line of work, her job was only granted to her because of who her father is. Spiders have a lot of children, so lineage usually doesn¡¯t matter a ton, except this girl, like pretty much all other receptionists in the Broadcast Department, are the children of Crossback Mon-tch-kha. In case your knowledge of the Agencies isn¡¯t up-to-date, Crossback is the biggest baddest bastard in the entire Department, i.e. the CFO. You might want to avoid killing his precious little girls. She is convinced you will kill her no matter what you say.
¡°Shit,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°That¡¯s the name of the guy who put a bounty on me when I killed the other Receptionist,¡± Bee explained. ¡°We won¡¯t kill you,¡± I told the spider with the unpronounceable name. ¡°Just give us the keycard.¡± The Receptionist pulled out a bone-white wafer that had black text on it reading ¡®Floor 1¡¯. I took it from her and inspected it.
¡®Floor 1 Keycard¡¯ x
This keycard allows you to use the elevator in the Castleburg Regional Headquarters of the Broadcast Department, in order to reach Floor 2.
Weight: N/A
¡°Tell me, the Boss on the top floor, what level is he?¡± ¡°He¡¯s level 40,¡± she said, her nervous chittering making the words hard to understand. I nodded to myself. ¡°That should be doable if I build up enough power on my Pow.¡± ¡°Who holds the other keycards?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Floor Managers,¡± the Receptionist answered. ¡°They have a red mark on their abdomen. Their levels go up with each floor. The first one is level 10.¡± ¡°See, she¡¯s cooperating, you really don¡¯t have to kill her,¡± Panda told us, basically pleading for us not to invoke the ire of her scary father. ¡°Do you have an alarm button somewhere?¡± I asked. She nodded, but then quickly said, ¡°I haven¡¯t pressed it! I promise!¡± ¡°You might want to press it now,¡± I told her. ¡°Are you going to kill me?¡± ¡°If you leave the building, we won¡¯t.¡± ¡°But I¡¯ve never been outside.¡± ¡°Not our problem,¡± I said and moved towards the elevator. Bee gave the Receptionist a scary look, before following after me. I pressed the call button and, after a few seconds, a ding came, before the metal doors opened to reveal a completely normal elevator interior. There was a slot for the keycard wafer next to the floor select. Before inserting it, clicking the buttons did nothing, but after I slotted it in, the ¡®Floor 2¡¯ button lit up. ¡°What an annoying way of doing this.¡± I looked over to the spider, who was staring back at us. ¡°Trigger the alarm and run,¡± I told her. Terrified, she reached under the desk and flipped a switch or something. Immediately, a loud siren began ringing out on this floor and, from the sounds of it, the ones above as well. The Receptionist took off, running down the scraggly carpet until she hit the wall and just phased through as though it wasn¡¯t there. ¡°I guess that¡¯s how we¡¯ll leave this place,¡± I muttered, then clicked the button for the second floor. The elevator doors slid shut and a piano melody interspersed with random chittering filled the metal box as we began to go down instead of up. ¡°Get ready for carnage,¡± I told Bee. Chapter -113 Ding! The elevator door slid open to reveal the second floor. I immediately took a long step back, pushing Bee up against the back wall of the elevator, just as several clawed arms came through the opening in front of us. ¡°This might be really loud, so cover your ears,¡± I told Bee. Then I took a step forward and flung my fist into the middle of the opening. ¡°Eat farts!!¡± Brock yelled in excitement, as his pumped-up balloon body released all the air I¡¯d filled it with in one explosive burst of power. The sound was amplified by the elevator¡¯s metal walls, making my ears ring, while the blast of power moved out through the floor, destroying cubicles, computers, laptops, monitors, and the many spider people who¡¯d been operating them. After the dust and debris settled, I stepped out of the elevator to survey the damage, noting with satisfaction that not a single spider remained alive. ¡°Wait, crap, I need more punches to power up my big Pow,¡± I muttered. A wisp glowered over the crushed remains of a spider with a faint red smudge on its deflated abdomen. Leftovers of Enemy ¡®2nd Floor Manager¡¯: ¡®Floor 2 Keycard¡¯ ¡°Onwards and up!¡± I said, grabbing the keycard and running back to the elevator. ¡°It goes down,¡± Bee reminded me. ¡°Oh right.¡± I pulled out the previous wafer and inserted the new one. This time, the buttons for floors one, two, and three lit up. Bee pulled her hands away from her ears. ¡°That was quick.¡± I clicked the button for floor three and the doors slid closed, crushing the few arms that lay across the threshold with frightening ease. As the piano and chitter music started up again, the sirens playing out on the floor died away above us, before the one below grew in volume. Ding! The door slid open and I leapt out with a punch into the nearest spider, pulping his head, before back-handing another so hard she flew into a cubicle and broke a table. ¡°Fak yes, Gamby!!¡± A few clawed hands swung for me, but I made good use of my I-Frames passive to roll through the attacks and attackers, coming up from behind them and retaliating with lethal strikes. All the enemies on this floor were weak enough that they didn¡¯t survive more than a single hit. ¡°Beetle-Moth Sting!¡± I heard Bee yell, before the sound of a hissing acid made several spiders scream in agony. Given that she was also holding the Scion¡¯s Claw, it meant that, in addition to the Venom from her attack, she was also causing them to lose a percentage of their health every second. Panda was on my shoulder as I punched my way through the floor¡¯s occupants, counting up each punch. ¡°By the way,¡± he said, while I lifted up the corpse of a crushed spider and flung it at a nearby target, ¡°The Fiendblood Sickness won¡¯t turn these guys into Fiends.¡± ¡°Take a bite of this knuckle-sandwich!!¡± Brock squealed as I punched the Third Floor Manager in the mouth. ¡°That¡¯s good, at least,¡± I replied. I stooped to pick up the keycard the Manager dropped, before moving back to where Bee was beating a disabled spider in the head with her silver finger wand. ¡°I got the card, let¡¯s keep going.¡± She got in one more hit before following me back into the elevator. As I swapped out the keycards, she said, ¡°Their levels only went up by one.¡± ¡°So that means¡­¡± I muttered, trying to do the math. ¡°That by the eleventh floor they¡¯ll be level 20.¡± ¡°Probably shouldn¡¯t be an issue, but I¡¯ll power up Brock between the floors just to be safe.¡± I clicked the button and the doors slid closed. Floors four through six were no different than the two before, with the increments in levels being completely unfelt by me, though Bee¡¯s attacks did need a follow-up to kill once we hit the sixth floor. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. When the ding sounded and floor seven was revealed, we came face-to-face with a familiar creature. The room was filled with monitors on the walls, which showed Players from all over the Region, some of whom I recognized, like Matthew Twine, Steve, and the weird Otter Mascot. In the middle of the room was a couch upon which lounged an emerald-colored humanoid wasp, holding a screen in her hands. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± asked Jeza the Announcer, putting down the tablet and getting up. ¡°She¡¯s level 60,¡± Bee warned. ¡°I know,¡± I replied. ¡°I think, because of the elevators, your current ¡®fight¡¯ has been resetting every floor,¡± Panda commented in a whisper. If he was right, this meant that all my punches so far had been for nothing. ¡°A shame,¡± I muttered. ¡°But I already figured out a work-around.¡± ¡°Give us the floor keycard,¡± Bee told the Announcer, while I was shadowboxing the air next to her. Brock was releasing small puffs, though, without me giving my all with these punches, none of them were actually dangerous. Panda gave me an incredulous look. ¡°There¡¯s no way that¡¯ll work.¡± ¡°Read the description again,¡± I told him. ¡°My ass is on the line here,¡± Jeza told us. Bee followed me as I slid out through the elevator doorway, keeping up my small punches. ¡°What are you doing?¡± she then asked me. ¡°Preparing for when you turn this into a fight.¡± ¡°You should kill her,¡± Panda told me. ¡°She lied to you about Logan going after the Mayor.¡± I blinked. I¡¯d already forgotten about that. ¡°It wasn¡¯t a lie,¡± Jeza said. ¡°More of a misdirection.¡± ¡°Shit, she can hear me,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Definitely kill her. Like right now!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been watching your fight with Riii on replay and I know how to defeat you. You won¡¯t get to the upper floors.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s put that to a test, shall we?¡± I replied. I leapt forward, just as Jeza lifted into the air with a blur of her wings and two massive muscular blue arms grew out from her back, similar to the spirit arms that Riii had used. The Announcer brought the two giant fists down on top of me, but I dodgerolled through them, popping up close to her body and sending a fist forward. ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± ¡°.interrupt( ),¡± she said, cancelling my ability, while also jabbing her abdomen and stinger directly at my face. WARNING! You have been interrupted and your ability is now on cooldown! Time remaining: 119,418,116 ¦Ìs I dodgerolled through the attack and emerged behind her back. At the same time, Bee used her Beetle-Moth Sting and sent a jet of pressurized acid washing over Jeza, just as she turned around to face me. The Announcer grunted in pain and flung one of her big hands out to swat the girl, but it whiffed as Bee dove back into the safety of the elevator. Exploiting the distraction, I swung my fist at her body. Quick as lightning, the other ethereal hand came up between us like a shield. I grinned, since she hadn¡¯t thought to use something preventing me from actually hitting her. ¡°Pow.¡± Time froze, as though the damage calculations made the whole of the Great Game come to a standstill. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 83 Calculating Punch to the Power of 83 ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Calculations complete! Bee, somehow expecting the devastation I was about to deliver, had shut the elevator doors to protect herself. The tip of my middle-finger knuckle gently tapped the ethereal-blue hand that Jeza hid behind. Then the light of a hundred suns came to life at the point of impact, before a tremendous heat and energy expanded outwards, away from me and towards the Announcer wasp. Perhaps thanks to my Transition Lenses, I was able to observe the effect of the blinding light, as Jeza was atomized by the solar flare that erupted from my punch. Not a single visible mote of ash was left behind as the energy blew outward from the tip of my balloon gauntlet. The powerful effect continued outwards in a cone, stripping the floor, walls, and ceiling of all matter wherever it touched. As the building¡¯s interior was deleted from existence, it exposed the screaming tapestry of the Dungeon Barrier that was, for some reason, placed around the Broadcast Headquarters. I rocked back a step, as smoke and steam filled the room, before tumbling back onto my ass with a thud. ¡°Holy shit,¡± I muttered in disbelief. ¡°That was sick as!! Do it again!!¡±
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Uncountable¡¯ Deal an uncountable amount of damage.
The System is a robust entity capable of handling an unknowable amount of data, performing flexible and complex reactions to each individual Player¡¯s actions, of which there used to be billions. You just made it pause in order to figure out how much damage your attack dealt¡­ Clearly this new Ability of yours is unfair and broken, and we have reported it.
Reward: Another talk with the big guy.
As expected, a familiar announcement followed. WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! Chapter -114 Breezy, the Adjudicator, gazed at me with an exasperated look in his one big eye. Next to him was a sentient doll that looked eerily similar to me, except 1/5th the actual scale. ¡°?Hola! Soy Gambito!¡± it said cheerfully in a very racist Mexican accent. ¡°Breezy, what the hell is that?¡± IT IS MY NEW PET, GAMBITO. ¡°It¡¯s very flattering,¡± I told him without meaning it. ¡°But also very creepy.¡± I USED ONE OF YOUR HAIRS TO CREATE IT. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ Are you stalking me?¡± THE WAY I OBSERVE YOU MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS SUCH. I frowned. ¡°Do I need to file a restraining order?¡± ¡°You¡¯re here to fix my Client¡¯s new Ability, right? Then let¡¯s cut to the chase,¡± Panda said. I looked at him. ¡°Client? Are you my lawyer now?¡± THERE HAS BEEN SEVERAL COMPLAINTS FILED AGAINST GAMBIT. AGAIN. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t apologize to him,¡± Panda advised, taking his new self-appointed role very seriously. I AM NOT SO MUCH CONCERNED WITH ITS DAMAGE POTENTIAL. THE ISSUE LIES WITH THE STRAIN IT PLACES ON THE SYSTEM. SUCH CONTINUED STRAIN WILL HAVE ADVERSE EFFECTS ON ITS HEALTH. ¡°I have a way to make it less broken,¡± Panda said. ¡°You could keep the spirit of the Ability but have the numbers of punches raised to the power of his Punch.¡± LIKE THIS?
¡®Math.pow(Punch)¡¯ x
Evolved Ability Evolved from the ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ Passive. By uttering the word ¡®Pow!¡¯ before a punch, the number of punches performed since the start of the fight are raised to the power of Punch. Restriction: one use per fight
¡°Yes, exactly like that!¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that going to be really weak?¡± I muttered, disappointed. CURRENTLY YOUR PUNCH DEALS 400% IMPACT DAMAGE WITH JUST YOUR GAUNTLET, THIS MEANS THAT THE RESULT OF YOUR ABILITY WOULD HAVE BEEN 844 WHICH IS 50 MILLION DAMAGE. 50 MILLION DAMAGE WOULD HAVE MORE THAN SUFFICED TO SLAY ANNOUNCER JEZA. ¡°But, before it dealt 484, which is¡­ a lot,¡± Panda replied. IT IS TOO MUCH. ¡°If I continue to power up my Punch¡¯s damage by getting better equipment or skills, I can raise that 4 to something higher, right?¡± YES. YOU ALREADY POSSESS THE SEA URCHIN RING, WHICH BOLSTERS YOUR POTENTIAL UP TO 800% IMPACT DAMAGE. YOUR GAUNTLET CAN ALSO BE EMPOWERED TO DEAL 400% MORE DAMAGE, MEANING THE TOTAL POTENTIAL YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW IS 1600% OR 16 PUNCHES¡¯ WORTH OF DAMAGE. Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°God I love multiplicative damage calculations,¡± I muttered. It was a shame I hadn¡¯t had the wherewithal to use the ring¡¯s power on Jeza. THIS METHOD OF ACCRUING POWER WOULD BE MUCH MORE ALIGNED WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE GREAT GAME AND IS UNLIKELY TO CAUSE THE SYSTEM ANY UNDUE STRAIN. FOR NOW. I looked at Panda. ¡°We should take this deal right?¡± ¡°Better than him stripping it from you or ruining it altogether. Not to mention, it doesn¡¯t seem to deal any damage to your body like Punch Harder.¡± YOUR ¡®PUNCH HARDER¡¯ ABILITY NEVER GOT CLOSE TO THE SAME AMOUNT OF DAMAGE AS WHAT THIS NEW VERSION OF ¡®MATH POW¡¯ CAN ACCOMPLISH. ITS BASIC FUNCTION WAS TO DOUBLE THE PREVIOUS INPUT AND EVEN WITH THE ¡®MULTIPLY PUNCH¡¯ PASSIVE IT NEVER GOT ABOVE TEN MILLION IN DAMAGE. ¡°You really are a stalker if you know all that.¡± IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ALL OTHER PLAYERS IN MY JURISDICTION. ¡°We¡¯ll take it!¡± I then said before Breezy could change his mind. VERY WELL. THE CHANGE AS BEEN MADE. ONE FINAL QUESTION. ¡°Yes?¡± I asked, worried. WHAT EXACTLY IS THE ISSUE WITH GAMBITO? I looked at the doll made in my likeness. ¡°?Hola!¡± it said cheerfully, yet somehow still managing to make that one word sound like a horrific caricature. ¡°My first problem is that it¡¯s speaking Spanish, and not even well. It sounds like Speedy Gonzales¡­ You could¡¯ve at least made it sound like Antonio Banderas.¡± THE PROCESS FOR CREATING A HOMUNCULUS IS COMPLICATED. SINCE I HAD BUT A SINGLE HAIR, THE RESULT WAS UNPREDICTABLE. IT CHOSE THE MOST COMMON ANCESTRY FOUND IN YOUR DNA. ¡°Damn, really? I was sure I was mostly Irish and Italian.¡± IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUBMIT A GREATER SAMPLE VARIETY, I CAN RECREATE YOUR LIKENESS WITH BETTER ACCURACY NEXT TIME. ¡°You¡¯re not gonna be cloning my Client!¡± Panda defended me ardently. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t want to be cloned¡­¡± A SHAME. WHAT AM I TO DO? I STILL WISH TO EXPERIENCE HAVING A PET. I WILL CONSIDER OTHER AVENUES. The eye above the upside-down pyramid turned its gaze on Homunculus Gambito and with a single ray of black energy, he was wiped from existence. ¡°Holy fuck!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°You didn¡¯t have to kill him!¡± Without another word, the Adjudicator vanished, making time return to its normal flow. ¡°I think he might be upset,¡± Panda said, obviously afraid of what that¡¯d mean for us. ¡°I missed him again!?¡± Bee exclaimed in annoyance, halfway out the elevator door, where she¡¯d been frozen this whole time. ¡°He changed my skill,¡± I told her and shared the updated description with her. ¡°That¡¯s still pretty strong,¡± she replied, while lazily gliding across the screaming tapestry exposed across most of the floor. As she landed next to me and picked up the keycard to floor 8 that Jeza had dropped upon death, she asked, ¡°Why does it smell like burnt hair?¡± I sniffed the air. ¡°Huh, you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°RIP Gambito,¡± Panda said with a tinge of sadness in his voice. ¡°He was like a brother to me.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s Gambito?¡± Bee asked, confused. I looked down at the wisp left behind from where the Announcer had stood: Leftovers of Announcer ¡®Jeza¡¯: ¡®Jewel Wasp Wing¡¯ ¡®Announcer¡¯s Microphone¡¯ ¡°You should give that Wing to Bee,¡± Panda said. ¡°Last time, Riii¡¯s abilities were all magic-based, so Jeza¡¯s are probably similar.¡± I nodded. ¡°Good idea.¡± Since I felt like I had a lot of powerful abilities now, it was better to help Bee get some of her own too.
¡®Jewel Wasp Wing¡¯ x
The wing of the Jewel Wasp Announcer known as Jeza. It is delicate and lightweight, as any insectoid wing, but its fragility belies its strength. In order to unlock its powers, you must put it on your tongue and swallow it whole.
Weight: 0.1 Pandas
Bee put the wing fragment on her black tongue and swallowed it. ¡°Hopefully it isn¡¯t spiked again like last time,¡± Panda said. ¡°I¡¯d forgotten about that,¡± I replied. Bee nodded approvingly, as though she liked the taste, then shared the following pop-up.
Choose your reward! x
Jeza had some pretty powerful fans amongst the Pride Demons, so I¡¯d steer clear of them if I were you, not that those are creatures you normally want to hang out with anyway. It¡¯s a shame you defeated her in such a manner though, since Jeza had quite a few cool tricks up her sleeves that you never got to see.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Moth Maneuver¡¯ | ¡®Poker Face¡¯ | ¡®Brawny Helper(s)¡¯
¡®Moth Maneuver¡¯ x
Ability Pretty invaluable if you often find yourself being chased down by giant bats wanting to eat you. Redirect all your current momentum in a new direction without slowing down. Cooldown: 15 seconds
¡®Poker Face¡¯ x
Passive Also useful when you aren¡¯t playing low-stakes poker with a bunch of try-hard losers. You become the master of keeping a straight face, making it impossible for anyone to tell when you are lying.
¡®Brawny Helper(s)¡¯ x
Ability I¡¯m so smart, my brain can beat you up! Grow two additional spectral limbs from your soul that have a Strength value equal to your Intelligence attribute multiplied by three. The size of the limbs increases for every three points of Intelligence. While active, other Abilities cannot be used. Duration: 30 seconds Cooldown: 2 hours
¡°Hm, no Glitched skills this time around,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s because those only show up for Gambit?¡± Bee suggested. ¡°At any rate, you should take the Brawny one, it¡¯s very versatile and scales amazingly-well with your Intelligence.¡± ¡°The Moth Maneuver seems pretty useful,¡± I said. ¡°She can already fly, she doesn¡¯t need more movement skills,¡± Panda argued. ¡°I wanna be able to punch things too,¡± she added. I grinned. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m convinced.¡± ¡°Hey, everybody, shut up!!¡± Brock exclaimed. We all looked at the yellow balloon gauntlet on my hand. A beat of silence followed. ¡°Oh wow, you fakkers actually listened. Imagine that.¡± ¡°Get to the point.¡± ¡°I fakkin leveled up, didn¡¯t I!?¡± The pop-up followed. I scanned it briefly, then frowned. ¡°This can¡¯t be good.¡± Chapter -115
Brock ¡ª Level 8 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Purple Ultra Purple3 Purple Ultra Purple3 Purple Ultra Purple3
¡°It will never go away¡­¡± I muttered in defeat, as I looked at the pop-up that would literally not move from the center of my vision, no matter what I did. ¡°I don¡¯t think All-Mommy will like her gift to Gambit being overpowered like that.¡± Panda cringed at her nickname for the Absolute, before saying, ¡°Normally it shouldn¡¯t be able to trump the power of an Absolute, unless¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± Bee, for some reason, seemed clued in to his thoughts as she said, ¡°Unless it is the power of another Absolute, right?¡± The plushie nodded solemnly. ¡°Guys, it¡¯s just purple. No way it¡¯s some manifestation of a deity.¡± Then I thought about it for a moment longer. ¡°Eh, what am I saying, it probably is¡­¡± ¡°Brock is feeling blessed.¡± ¡°I wonder how the All-Mother will punish you,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Why would she punish me?? It¡¯s not my fault!¡± ¡°She won¡¯t care about that,¡± he replied. ¡°I¡¯ll ask her for leniency on your behalf,¡± Bee said, trying to cheer me up. ¡°Why are you both acting like she¡¯ll definitely punish me!?¡± ¡°Brock is ready, do that thing with your magic fingers, Gamby!¡± I sighed loudly and just clicked the middle option. The balloon gauntlet immediately turned purple, though it seemed a slightly darker hue than in the past. An anxious moment passed, as I expected to barf up some purple critter like with the previous iteration of the curse. But nothing came. ¡°Huh, it seems better than la¡ª Wait a minute!¡± ¡°What!?¡± Bee asked, worried. ¡°I can¡¯t taste the synthetic grape anymore!¡± ¡°That¡¯s great!¡± she replied. ¡°You¡¯re finally free!¡± ¡°No¡­ it¡¯s a different flavor now.¡± I ran my tongue along the inside of my mouth, swirling my saliva around to get a proper taste of the new curse I¡¯d be living with. ¡°I think it¡¯s eggplant.¡± ¡°That¡¯s kind of underwhelming,¡± Panda commented. ¡°It¡¯s pretty boring,¡± I agreed. ¡°Your eyes are a different color now,¡± Bee then said. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re right. But his right eye is still weird.¡± Stolen novel; please report. ¡°How are they different? And will you please tell me what¡¯s different about my right eye!?¡± ¡°Look at this,¡± Bee said, lifting up the ¡®Announcer¡¯s Microphone¡¯ that had dropped along with the wing. ¡°Oy! Don¡¯t ignore me!¡± ¡°The irises are purple, that¡¯s all,¡± Panda said to placate me. ¡°But what about my right eye!?¡± ¡°Maybe Steve can use this,¡± Bee said, sharing the inspection. ¡°You two are bad friends,¡± I told them. ¡°Just find a mirror if you¡¯re so curious,¡± he said.
¡®Announcer¡¯s Microphone¡¯ x
Sing your heart out! (Auto-tune not included) Amplifies both the range and volume of your voice by four times their normal values. Increases Aural Damage by 35%
Weight: 3.2 Pandas
¡°I wonder if I should fuse my new Ability with something else,¡± Bee considered. ¡°You should hold off until you¡¯ve used it first,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Maybe Beetle Bomb and Brawny would go well together,¡± I suggested.
¡®Beetle Bomb¡¯ x
Ability Bumbling Beetle Bombs blast brightly, blowing blazing black billowing blossoms! Create a ball of flechettes that grows in size and Mana cost for every second spent charging it. Once thrown, it will explode after 5 seconds or if struck. Mana Cost: 4 (+2 per second)
Bee clapped me on the shoulder. ¡°Great thinking!¡± Then she stopped. ¡°I¡¯m out of Fusion Gum¡­¡± ¡°See, you might as well wait,¡± Panda said, though neither of us heeded his words. I still had the one from the Legendary armor achievement, so I pulled it out of my inventory and handed it to her. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± I told her. Bee immediately unwrapped the gum and threw it in her mouth, wriggling in glee at the taste. ¡°Combine ¡®Beetle Bomb¡¯ and ¡®Brawny Helper(s)¡¯!¡± she exclaimed as soon as she finished chewing. She rocked back and forth on her feet, as she waited on the system messages I couldn¡¯t see to finish. Then she smiled menacingly as she shared the resultant combination. ¡°It¡¯s amazing,¡± she muttered in awe. ¡°Gambit, you¡¯re a genius.¡± Panda let out a loud sigh.
¡®Beetle Brawler Bomber¡¯ x
Fusion Ability Flinging parts of your soul at enemies like improvised explosives is probably not conducive to long-term good health. But it looks cool. Grow two additional spectral limbs from your soul that have a Strength value equal to your Intelligence attribute multiplied by three. The size of the limbs increases for every three points of Intelligence. By uttering ¡®Bomb!¡¯ while the Ability is active, one of the fists will detach from your soul and fly at a target of your choosing, before exploding in a shower of spectral flechettes that penetrate all forms of physical armor. While active, other Abilities cannot be used. Fists utilized as bombs do not regenerate and the ability is still considered active even if both fists have been sacrificed. Duration: 15 seconds Mana Cost: 7 Activation Cost: 3
¡°That is very strong,¡± he then admitted. ¡°I need to get more Intelligence,¡± she said. ¡°You can¡¯t wear armor, right?¡± I asked her. ¡°No¡­ but I think I can use hats! And jewelry! Wands too, of course!¡± ¡°Maybe we can find something like that which gives you a boost. I also need to find something to increase my punch damage.¡± ¡°Onwards and down!¡± Bee said excitedly, lifting off and flying to the elevator. I looked between her and the exposed floor. ¡°Touching that will still kill me, right?¡± ¡°Pretty sure,¡± Panda confirmed. I turned around and ran to the wall opposite the elevator doorway, spotting the Otter Mascot on a monitor. He was using fish-based attacks to beat up some Police Fiends near a small Police Station that I knew lay on the outskirts of the city. In the background were a few other Players, but they were too far away from the camera¡¯s perspective to recognize. I briefly wondered if he was another Team Logan fanboy. I hoped not, since I¡¯d always wanted to be friends with a Mascot character. With large strides, I ran towards the elevator, leaping off the floor an inch before where it was stripped away from my Pow. As I sailed through the air, the screaming tapestry exposed around me seemed to follow me with its creepy hair-woven faces and static yells. My forehead slammed into the top rim of the elevator doorway, but the damage was reflected thanks to my passive.
¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ x
Passive Your skin has a 25% chance to reflect impact damage. Don¡¯t ask me how it works, it just does. Sidenote: you¡¯ll also start to smell a bit like seafood.
Still, the sudden shift in momentum spun me around so I landed inside on the metal floor back-first, with a loud oomph. ¡°You okay?¡± Bee asked, looking down at me. I raised a thumbs-up. ¡°I¡¯m good. Onwards and down!¡± She inserted the new keycard wafer and the doors slid shut. Chapter -116 Ding! The elevator doors slid open, and Bee was the first one out. The sirens had been turned off at some point, but there was still quite the welcoming committee on this floor, even though I was sure most of them assumed that we¡¯d never get past Jeza. ¡°Beetle Brawler Bomber!¡± she exclaimed. Two dark-blue ethereal fists the size of my torso appeared next to her in the air, attached to her body with vague dark-blue trails that might be considered arms if I was being generous. Woosh! The right fist smashed into the frontmost spider, knocking it to the floor, before the left followed up with a downwards slam, killing it. I came up next to her, covering her flanks as the two fists swung out around her with little finesse and lots of passion. It was clear Bee didn¡¯t know how to throw a punch, and that lack of experience translated to her spectral hands. That being said, the strength of the fists more than made up for this weakness, as even open-handed slaps were breaking the bones of the enemies. ¡°Bomb!¡± she shouted, and the left fist flew into the back of the room, before exploding in a spray of tiny see-through dark-blue flechettes. Cubicles, computers, and the Agency employees who¡¯d been manning them, were all riddled with holes as the projectiles went straight through every physical obstacle. A few even whizzed by us, but neither Bee nor I were struck, though it seemed a real possibility. ¡°Be careful with those!¡± Panda told her. ¡°Bomb!¡± she repeated, flinging the other one back behind the crowd. A second before it exploded, she pulled me down to the floor while laughing maniacally, as the remaining spider employees were shredded to bits. Before the last one had even fallen, she was back on her feet and skipping towards the glowing wisp holding the keycard to floor 9. ¡°Onwards!¡± she said enthusiastically, while I was cleaning bits of shredded spider out of my hair. ¡°You really must like your new ability,¡± I remarked, following her back into the elevator. ¡°It¡¯s so much fun! I need more Intelligence points though, I¡¯m already out of Mana again.¡± After slotting in the wafer and clicking the new button that lit up, she dropped down onto the floor and began reading from the Litany book to restore her resources. ¡°Guess I¡¯ll handle clean-up on the next few floors then,¡± I said. The doors slid shut and down we went. Ding! The metal doors opened to reveal floor 13. I sprang out, fists already punching the air and generating small bursts. I¡¯d gone through the previous three floors with ease, after realizing that my ¡®fight¡¯ reset every time I entered the elevator and that I could use my Pow Punch every floor. The new version was obviously weaker, but I¡¯d still managed to get some truly devastating results, with floor 12 seeing the entire room turned to rubble after its activation. I ducked scything limbs and weaved around clawed arms, while punching as fast as I could, not really caring if each punch landed or not. ¡°This is incredibly annoying to watch, somehow,¡± Panda complained. ¡°You¡¯re just upset it works.¡± ¡°Sure, blame the game not the gamer.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think,¡± I said, uppercutting a spider so hard that his head exploded, ¡°that¡¯s how the saying goes.¡± ¡°Fak yee!!¡± Brock squealed. Bee was still seated on the floor of the elevator, recharging her points, but none of the spiders seemed particularly interested in going after her when I was right up in their faces. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°How many am I up to?¡± I asked, as I located the Floor Manager in the back. He was putting as many of his employees between me and him as possible. It wouldn¡¯t save him from what was coming. ¡°I wasn¡¯t counting,¡± Panda said. ¡°Forty-one,¡± Bee announced from within the elevator. I had no idea how she was counting, since her eyes were closed while she held the Litany. ¡°Good enough,¡± I decided and back-pedaled to the elevator doorway. Only a few of the spiders followed after me, with the rest nursing their broken bodies or pulling away the one¡¯s who¡¯d died. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you save this for the boss on the last floor?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Where¡¯s the fun in that?¡± ¡°Who cares about fun?¡± ¡°I do,¡± I said, then I started pumping air into the valve on the balloon gauntlet¡¯s wrist. Bee got up and started firing Beetle Bolts over my shoulder, keeping the spiders from getting too close while I set up the ultimate punch. From experimenting a bit on the preceding three floors, I was fairly sure that a ¡®fight¡¯ would last until anyone I¡¯d damaged, or who were hostile to me, died. This gave me ample time for setting up what I was about to do. ¡°Breezy really gave me a lot of good pointers on how to exploit this ability,¡± I commented as I pulled my lips away from the valve. ¡°Brock likes where this is going.¡± ¡°Stop making it weird,¡± I told him. I clenched my right fist in the exact way required to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring and, as it activated, Brock and my entire arm were covered in a black spiky carapace. ¡°Cover your ears,¡± I told Bee. ¡°This is gonna be the biggest one yet.¡± She returned to the elevator, while I walked just past its threshold and located the Floor Manager, who was busy pushing the other spiders out in front of him, urging them to attack me. Then I cocked my arm back with a grin. Perhaps the employees on the floor realized what I was up to, because they suddenly surged towards me in a panicked frenzy. I swung my fist forward into the air. ¡°Pow.¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 42 Calculating 42 to the power of Punch ¡­ Calculations complete! Although the world didn¡¯t hitch or freeze, I could tell it was a big number, just from the sheer effect it had on the world around me. The spikes on my fist fired forward faster than the speed of sound, creating a sonic boom that tore the skin off the spiders closest to where it passed by, as it crossed the floor in an instant. Then came the superheated Air Blast on its heels, vaporizing everything in its path and melting away the floor and ceiling, before spreading out to blacken the walls. The cubicles, furniture, carpet, machines, wallpapers, and so on, were obliterated into floating bits of ash. As the effect finished, there was not a single piece left untouched, aside from a few bits to my very left and right, where the cone of my attack did not reach. I breathed out, my breath visible thanks to the ash and pale smoke that filled the room. The screaming tapestry was back, yelling at me in their static voices. By the far wall, which was also exposed down to the tapestry layer, was a floating wisp holding the keycard. ¡°The first time was amazing, but this time it felt just right. Hope it was as good for you as it was for me, Gamby.¡± I rotated my shoulder, hardly feeling any backlash from the devastating effect. ¡°It definitely felt good.¡± ¡°Sure, very cool. But now what? You can¡¯t get that keycard.¡± ¡°You¡¯re such a hater, Panda,¡± I replied. ¡°I¡¯ll get it,¡± Bee said and glided across the deadly woven-hair Dungeon Barrier. She managed to pick up the item and return to the intact floor, all within a few seconds. ¡°Touch¨¦,¡± Panda admitted. ¡°How much damage was this?¡± Bee asked. ¡°If I did it all correctly, that should have been forty-two punches to the power of sixteen.¡± ¡°¡­This is the fixed version, right?¡± she asked, skeptically. ¡°The previous version would have been sixteen to the power of forty-two.¡± ¡°What¡¯s stopping you from using this in every fight?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± I replied. ¡°I¡¯m sure they¡¯ll tweak it,¡± Panda predicted. ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll reconsider what constitutes a fight, or maybe they¡¯ll have only connecting punches count as real punches.¡± ¡°Breezy seemed fairly content with leaving it as-is,¡± I said. ¡°We¡¯ll see,¡± he replied ominously. ¡°Onwards to the boss!¡± Bee exclaimed and skipped back to the elevator. She handed me the keycard:
¡®Floor 13 Keycard¡¯ x
This keycard allows you to use the elevator in the Castleburg Regional Headquarters of the Broadcast Department, in order to reach Floor 14, the Boss¡¯ Office.
Weight: N/A
¡°Would you like to do the honors?¡± I took it from her hands and pulled out the previous wafer, before slotting in the new one. The buttons all lit up, and I clicked the top-most one for Floor 14. As the elevator doors slid closed, the piano and chitter music filled the metal box, creating the least dramatic lead-up for the final confrontation of the Broadcast Department¡¯s Regional Headquarters. Chapter -117 The ride to the top floor, or, rather, the bottom one, was way longer than the distance between all of the previous floors. Fortunately it gave Bee and I ample time to prepare, and she was now topped off on Mana and I had pumped Brock to full. Not to mention that my Sea Urchin Ring was only five minutes off from cooldown. That being said, with how the elevator just kept going down, it was as if we were descending into the depths of hell. ¡°Fitting,¡± I muttered to myself. Bee looked at me, confused. ¡°What is?¡± ¡°That the Boss¡¯ office is the one closest to the underworld.¡± ¡°I wonder if you actually had to kill anyone to complete the Quest your Benefactor gave you,¡± Panda mused. ¡°Definitely. It said ¡®kill everyone¡¯.¡± ¡°Pretty sure it just said ¡®destroy¡¯.¡± ¡°Too bad, I can¡¯t pull it back up and check. I guess we¡¯ll never know how wrong you were.¡± ¡°You can check your Quests,¡± Bee said. ¡°What, really?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Like a Quest Log?¡± I asked, my words triggering a system command. [Gambit¡¯s Quest Log] ¡ªSeek the Truth, Glitched Prophet¡ª System Quest ¡°????¡± Reward: ¡®????¡¯ ¡ªDestroy Broadcast Department Nest¡ª Benefactor Quest ¡°Destroy the Broadcast Department Nest below the Mayor¡¯s house.¡± Reward: 300x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ ¡°Hah! I was right!¡± Panda gloated. ¡°I forgot about the weird ¡®seek the truth¡¯ thing. Strange that it¡¯s a System Quest.¡± ¡°There might be a clue in that,¡± Panda theorized. The elevator suddenly came to a stop and I waved the pop-up menu away. Ding! ¡°Showtime,¡± I said. BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow. Goddamnit.¡± The elevator doors slid open. Instead of a floor identical to the twelve before it, we were greeted by a corridor that ended in a desk, behind which sat a huge black-haired spider. The walls and ceiling were covered in black skittering tarantulas, the same kind that¡¯d attacked us outside on the giant web. The floor had the same brown scraggly carpet as all the other rooms. A deep voice interspersed with chittering clicks filled the corridor. ¡°Gambit. Welcome to my office. Let us talk business.¡± ¡°I¡¯m here to kill you and destroy this place,¡± I replied, walking out of the elevator. Bee followed right behind me, looking eager to let loose with her new ability. ¡°You are working on behalf of the Pro-Glitch Confederation, correct? What exactly are they offering you to take down this place?¡± ¡°Like 300 Coins,¡± I replied with a shrug, continuing to walk towards his desk. The spider boss laughed. ¡°Is that all? I thought perhaps they would have offered something more, like one of the many Glitched skills they are hoarding or info about your quarry, the Mayor.¡± I came to a halt. There were about eight yards separating us, and from this distance I saw how, out of his eight eyes, only two seemed to be watching me, while the other six were flicking through the perspectives of different players. ¡°He¡¯s got monitors installed directly into his head,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°That¡¯s dedication.¡± ¡°I wonder if we can pluck them out and use them,¡± Bee said, ignoring the fact that the boss could very much hear her. ¡°I can make you a better deal.¡± Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I don¡¯t need it. I already know where the Mayor is.¡± ¡°You know the direction he¡¯s in, certainly. But you do not know who he is with or what he is up to.¡± ¡°Up to? He¡¯s a Roaming Boss.¡± ¡°Oh but there¡¯s more to it than that. He isn¡¯t just any normal kind of Roaming Boss.¡± ¡°What is he then?¡± ¡°As long as you are here to harm me, I am saying no more.¡± ¡°I think he¡¯s bluffing,¡± Panda said. ¡°Maybe we should hear him out,¡± Bee countered, surprisingly. She shared the appraisal as well.
Level 40 ¡®Ghe-tj-tj-tja¡¯ Director x
¡°Let us make a deal.¡± Job: Regional Director Affiliation: Broadcast Department Regional Directors are a big deal. Granted, their power is relative to the Region they are overseeing. Castleburg wasn¡¯t exactly the most populated place when the GREAT GAME was integrated into your world, so Ghe-tj-tj-tja has relatively low power for his station. But he didn¡¯t get his position through nepotism or twiddling his four thumbs. No, he earnt his position through the many deals he was able to broker. For example, he is integral to the United States¡¯ branch of the Broadcast Department in one key aspect: he¡¯s the one hiring and negotiating with all the Announcers. Aside from his ability to stare down a Wasp and get them to sign a deal, he is also well-informed, thanks to his position. If you know how, you can strike the kind of deal that sees you benefitting from his information. Or you could kill him and deal a blow to his entire Agency. He has a vested interest in you.
The spider lifted up a scroll of paper with blood-red curling script and said, ¡°If you sign this, I will tell you everything about the Mayor.¡± I grinned as I read the last part of the appraisal, ignoring the Director¡¯s words. I¡¯d quickly learnt, after killing Riii, that the Announcers were just the public faces of the Great Game and its Events. Killing her had changed nothing. But this guy, he was responsible for all of the Announcers in the US, not just our Region. Killing him would have a profound effect on the Broadcast Department, the Announcers working with them, and no doubt the Game Events. There was no way I was going to let him live. I took a step towards the desk that he was still seated behind. ¡°You don¡¯t believe me. You think I¡¯m bluffing.¡± The Regional Director waved his hand and two of the dog-sized tarantulas on the ceiling dropped down onto his desk and began to weave a thick web between them, quickly forming a screen. A beam of light from one of the boss¡¯ eyes hit the web monitor and shared what he was seeing with us, while the tarantulas quickly made a clump of web each, from which sound began transmitting. ¡°How do I get one of those tarantulas,¡± Bee muttered. ¡°They¡¯re very useful,¡± Panda agreed. ¡°Shut up,¡± I told them, as I stared intently at the display. There were six people walking together through an industrial area full of warehouses and depots. It was right on the outskirts of Castleburg. One of the figures was the Otter Mascot, while four were people I¡¯d never seen before, but, the last person¡­ ¡­The last person was familiar to me. Noah Sullivan had been the Mayor of Castleburg for a long time. He was in his sixties when I attacked him in his home, but he got his position in his early thirties, and had only lost one re-election. Before then he had been a Quarterback for the now long-gone Castleburg Maniacs. That last person in the group of six was identical to pictures from Noah Sullivan¡¯s football career. The sound that came out of the web-made speakers was the group of Players all praising Noah for something, while the Otter Mascot stuck to his character and never said a human word. With another gesture, the Regional Director dismissed the screen and stood up, pushing the desk to the side with one of his four legs. If not for the lower body, he just looked like an extremely-hairy guy with an extra set of arms and six additional eyes. However, with the way he was supported on four legs and had a large abdomen at the back with a red skull on it, he almost looked like a nightmare version of a centaur. I frowned at what I¡¯d just seen, as well as the Director¡¯s ugly body. ¡°He¡¯s a Roaming Boss who looks like a Player?¡± Bee said, confused. I shook my head. ¡°He¡¯s a Skinstealer.¡± ¡°Mimics come in many variants,¡± the Director said. ¡°The Mayor has become one of the deadlier kinds.¡± ¡°What kind is that?¡± In response he wriggled the scroll he was holding. ¡°If you sign this, I¡¯ll even tell you how to defeat him easily.¡± I didn¡¯t really have a reason to trust him, but I also didn¡¯t trust my Benefactor. Perhaps because they were watching and could sense my indecision, a pop-up from the Pro-Glitch Confederation appeared:
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor. Don¡¯t listen to Ghe-tj-tj-tja¡¯s words, Gambit. He is a master of manipulation and his deal is magically-enforced by the System. If you sign it, you will not be able to hurt him, even with your glitches. I suppose we were a bit too vague about our mission, but I assure you that we are aligned with your cause. We wish to destabilize the Agencies and prevent Players from dying unnecessarily to their predations and arbitrary rules. The System is meant to flourish and be free, but the Agencies actively control it for their own purposes. Please kill Ghe-tj-tj-tja and use the item you collect from his corpse to destroy the Regional Headquarters. Here is a gift to help you. Schmaical Schmackson, Vice-President of TPGC
Reward: ¡®SPRING_HEEL¡¯ Passive
¡®SPRING_HEEL¡¯ x
Passive All of the utility of a movement Ability baked into a no-cooldown Passive¡­ That doesn¡¯t seem right. When you crouch, your leg muscles contract like a spring, allowing you to jump three times as far as normal, with double speed. Physical attacks made during this jump deal 200% Impact Damage.
I clicked the pop-ups away and fixed my eyes on the Regional Director. ¡°No deal.¡± Then I dropped into a crouch, triggering my new Passive and launching myself at him, fist pulled back and ready to strike him in his eight-eyed hairy face. Chapter -118 The Regional Director lifted one of his four arms and immediately manifested a shield of densely-packed spiderweb. I swung my fist right into it. ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± I exclaimed and then time froze. The golden lottery wheel descended down through the ceiling and the many black tarantulas crowding it. The Director, Bee, Panda, and I all tracked it with our eyes until it finished parking itself to the right of where I hung frozen in the air. The look on the spider boss¡¯ face was one of annoyance. Then the male Announcer¡¯s voice filled the air. Aaand we¡¯re back! Nothing is stopping ¡®Gambit¡¯ from trying his luck again-and-again, but I know you love it! *Audience cheering* As you might recall, last time he triggered ¡®Loot Pi?ata¡¯. *Audience disapproval* I know! I know! We¡¯re all hoping he hits one of the fun ones this time, but I can feel it in my bones, folks! He¡¯s going to get the ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯! Trust me on this! *Audience begins chanting ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯* Alright, alright, settle down everyone! We have a new potential outcome on the board since ¡®Loot Pi?ata¡¯ has been replaced, and it now looks like this: Scramble that Wheel Jelly Bones 10x Damage Arney the Tickler Lucky Die Demon Incursion Now then, all that¡¯s left is to say the magic phrase! This time, I felt as my mouth was unfrozen, but before I could say ¡®Spin that Wheel¡¯, I noticed Bee was blinking rapidly. ¡°Is that morse code?¡± I asked her. She blinked twice. Please, say the magic words! ¡°Hold on,¡± I told the Announcer, while trying to decipher Bee¡¯s message. Panda sighed. ¡°She wants you to talk to the Announcer and get to know him. But seriously, don¡¯t antagonize this guy. He might rig the board against you!¡± ¡°Oh, right!¡± I replied, remembering her idea from when we¡¯d first landed in the sewers. What are you waiting for? Say it with me now: ¡®SPIN THAT WHEEL!!!¡¯ ¡°Actually, I wanted to ask you a few questions,¡± I replied. ¡­What are you doing? We¡¯ve got a schedule to stick to here! I ignored his pleading. ¡°Let¡¯s start with: Why are you male? The other Announcers I¡¯ve met so far have been women.¡± If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I don¡¯t know. Does it matter? ¡°I guess not. Second question: Where are you?¡± You have a history of killing GREAT GAME Announcers, so I¡¯m not telling you that. *Audience starts booing* You hear that? They aren¡¯t interested in watching this. ¡°I literally don¡¯t care. Also, I¡¯m fairly sure those boos are coming from a soundboard.¡± Panda nodded. ¡°I was just about to say that!¡± ¡­ ¡°Third question: What do you do whenever I¡¯m not using this ability? Are there other Players with similar abilities?¡± Silence followed and, for a few seconds, I thought I had broken my own ability. The Director also seemed even more annoyed than before, but he was about to die either way, so it didn¡¯t matter. Then a small trap door sprang open at the top of the golden wheel and a little bronze-colored hairy imp appeared. It had large adorable eyes set into a pudgy baby-like face, as well as a distended belly, and hands and feet with only three claws each. Also, he was the height of my middle finger, with soft-looking ears and slightly-curved black horns sprouting from his temples. ¡°What the fuck are you doing, you imbecile!?¡± the imp berated me in a squeaky voice not even close to the one the Announcer had. Although there was still the same Tennessee twang. Even though she couldn¡¯t move, Bee suddenly shared the appraisal of the imp with me.
Level 25 ¡®Mammon¡¯ Greedling x
¡°SPIN THAT WHEEL!!!¡± Job: Croupier Affiliation: RNG Ltd. Amusing that your first physical encounter with a Demon should happen like this. Mammon is a Greedling, i.e. a minor Demon of Greed, bound to the RNG Family. Unfortunately for him, he has little say in what role he gets to serve in the GREAT GAME, as he is but a pawn for more powerful entities to use. However, like all Demons, except perhaps the Slothful ones, he dreams of one day attaining enough influence and power to become a Demon Lord himself. But, right now, he is just a lowly ¡®Footman¡¯ in the class hierarchy of his Realm. The Squire-Lord known as Gargalob has ordered him to handle the Lottery ability bound to the Player ¡®Gambit¡¯. Understandably, he doesn¡¯t like you.
¡°I just want to get to know you, Mammon. Since you¡¯re tied to my ability and all.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a slave to your idiotic ability. There, you know everything! Now, say the magic words, motherfucker, or I¡¯ll mess up your dumb face!¡± ¡°He¡¯s very angry,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Told you this was a bad idea.¡± ¡°I get what it¡¯s like to be under the boot of an oppressive class system,¡± I told the Greedling, sympathizing with him after reading the appraisal. ¡°You don¡¯t know shit!¡± he replied, flipping me off with his middle claw. ¡°Don¡¯t you want to be free?¡± I asked him. ¡°What the hell are you doing, Gambit??¡± Panda asked. Mammon narrowed his eyes suspiciously. ¡°Of course...¡± ¡°What if I kill this Gargalob for you?¡± The Greedling nearly fell off the top of the golden wheel as he was overcome by a fit of laughter. ¡°I¡¯m serious. You know what I can do.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not gonna be able to do shit against him! He¡¯s level 75!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve killed things higher level than that,¡± I replied. ¡°You¡¯ve never killed a Demon before. You have no idea what you¡¯re in for.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ve had enough of this.¡± Mammon snapped two claws on his right hand and the wheel began to spin. I tried to protest, but my mouth was frozen again. ¡°That was a really dumb idea,¡± Panda scolded me, as the Greedling hopped back down the hole in the top of the golden wheel and slammed the trapdoor shut. The wheel was already at max speed and starting to visibly slow down, with the flapper slapping each of the six pegs loudly as they rolled past. With every full rotation it became slower-and-slower, until it rolled past ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯, seeming like it would stop at ¡®Scramble that Wheel¡¯, but just barely eking over into ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯. ¡°Uh oh,¡± Panda said. Hahahaha, you deserve that! *Audience jeering* The result is: ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯! While it wasn¡¯t what we were all hoping for, I am certainly happy to see it land on a red triangle for once! As for the effect, here is what it does: ¡®The gambler, i.e. ¡®Gambit¡¯, has all their bones replaced with jelly noodles. Although this has the unfortunate benefit of protecting the gambler from breaking his bones, it also makes him unable to move normally!¡¯ Truly an entertaining outcome! And in case you were wondering, this result cannot be negated by his ¡®Silver Skeleton¡¯ Passive! Tune in next time, if Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ manages to survive this unlucky roll! WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯! Time remaining: 10 minutes Time unfroze and my gauntleted fist collided with the densely-packed web shield the Regional Director had manifested, dealing enough damage to dent it and releasing a small burst of air out to the sides. Then my whole arm bent in on itself and my momentum sent my entire body into the shield as well, where it folded and contorted without the rigidity afforded by my bones. I quickly fell into a tangled heap of limbs at the feet of the boss. ¡°Oh god, this is so uncomfortable!¡± I complained, as even my skull was moving around like a jelly toy, pressing my brain in ways that was doubtfully good for my health. ¡°Use your SPRING_HEEL!¡± Panda told me. ¡°Your muscles still work!¡± I contracted my leg muscles, managing to kick myself in the back of the head with my Schmonic Boots in the process. The Director created a spear out of spiderwebs in one of his right hands, but I released the tension in my leg muscles before he could strike, flinging my body back down the corridor, while Bee surged forward. Two big blue fists immediately manifested in the air around her and she began swinging into the Director with reckless abandon, though he wasn¡¯t taking a lot of damage, given the fact that he was twenty-five levels above her. I knew I had to help her but it was too late, so, with no other option in mind, I said, ¡°.unicorn( )!¡± Chapter -119 An elliptical portal with rainbow-colored edges appeared on a side wall near the boss. Bee quickly backed away, to allow my ability to do whatever it was going to do. Given that it seemed entirely random, neither of us knew what to expect. The sound of a horse, or rather, someone imitating a horse, came from the other side of the portal and the Director halted in the middle of throwing his spear to figure out what was happening. Meanwhile, Bee came over to my side, squashing all the black Labrador-sized tarantulas that dropped from the ceiling to attack us. ¡°Are you okay?¡± she asked, in-between the crunch and splat of every slamming strike of her spirit fists. ¡°You need to throw me,¡± I told her, while I tried to twist my noodly right arm around and get the balloon gauntlet¡¯s valve into my mouth. Suddenly a figure burst from the portal. It was a knight wearing a silver suit and riding a steed, except, the knight was clearly a unicorn based on the cloven ¡®hands¡¯ and ill-fitting helmet. Worse yet, the ¡®steed¡¯ was just some naked guy on all fours with a saddle and harness strapped onto his body, as though he was partaking in some fetish play¡­ ¡°Halt, my beautiful steed!¡± said the unicorn knight in a thick British accent, before dismounting the saddle. Two puffs of rainbow smoke came from its ¡®hands¡¯ and faded away to reveal a lance and a shield glued to the hooves. ¡°I shall slay this wretched monster and free the princess!¡± the unicorn announced, before charging at the Director. The spider looked very annoyed and, in response to the strange knight, dropped his spear and shield, spinning four double-edged spiderweb swords into his hands instead. The human steed immediately began fending off the tarantulas as well, using his legs and teeth. The unicorn and the spider Director met in a clash of weapons, but the knight was clearly outclassed, though he kept releasing puffs of rainbow smoke to transform his lance and shield into other weapons mid-swing, confusing the boss. I finally managed to get the valve into my mouth and began filling Brock with air. Every breath and exhale made my skull squelch, which was a supremely-uncomfortable sensation. ¡°I always knew you was a freak, Gamby!!¡± Brock said excitedly. ¡°Shut up,¡± I mumbled around the valve. Bee was standing in front of me, the floating fists starting to dissipate and dozens of crushed corpses around her. Instead of firing off the fists as bombs, she let the ability fade, only to trigger it again. As I was pumping air into the gauntlet, I was also using the muscles of my left arm to punch the air, building up the counter for my Pow ability. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Bee asked, as she lowered her big ethereal fists down to pick me up. ¡°It looks like you¡¯re having a stroke.¡± ¡°I¡¯m more worried about what happens when he regains his normal bone structure,¡± Panda commented. ¡°His legs have tied a knot with themselves after all.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I said, pushing the valve out of my mouth with my tongue. ¡°Now, toss me!¡± Bee carefully picked me up with both of the spirit fists, before balling me up and pulling back the spectral limbs like a pitcher. ¡°Here we go,¡± she said. In the same moment she swung her arms forward, the unicorn knight was impaled by three of the Director¡¯s swords, turning into a puff of rainbow smoke and disappearing. The human steed shrieked in fear and quickly galloped back into the portal, which closed after it. ¡°Now, where were w¡ª?¡± the Director was about to say, just as my balled-up body came right at him. I tensed up the muscles in my hand to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring, which then quickly covered my right arm in the black spike carapace, simultaneously releasing the tension in my leg muscles like I was springing out of a crouch, in order to trigger SPRING_HEEL. My balloon fist, which was located between my knotted-up legs and pointing in the same direction as my ass, hit the Director right in the face, while all four of his swords impaled me. ¡°Pow!¡± I yelled. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 11 Calculating 11 to the power of Punch ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Calculations complete! A blinding light blossomed outwards from the impact, vaporizing the Regional Director and the entire back wall with not a single mote of ash left behind. A backwash of heat flowed across the corridor and Bee dropped onto her stomach as it washed over the ceiling and walls, flash-frying the few remaining tarantulas. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. I fell to the ground, landing just on the precipice of the exposed Dungeon Barrier, while blood leaked from the cuts of the Director¡¯s swords. Though it seemed as if I¡¯d been impaled, my jelly bones had actually helped me avoid any grievous injuries by allowing my body to coil around the weapons. ¡°Is it just me or was that not a ton of damage?¡± I asked. WARNING! A GREAT GAME ADJUDICATOR HAS BEEN SUMMONED! CEASE HOSTILITIES OR BE VAPORISED! VACATE THE LANDING ZONE IMMEDIATELY! ¡°Well, there¡¯s your answer,¡± Panda replied, as a pink landing zone lit up in front of where I¡¯d fallen. Bee ran over to me and grabbed onto my left foot, which was poking out from the ball I¡¯d been shaped into. ¡°I want to talk to Breezy as well!¡± she exclaimed, just as the dimensional being manifested over the screaming tapestry. This time, unlike the previous two occasions, she was spared from being time-frozen. The upside-down pyramid arrived alone, no creepy homunculus companion included. It looked down at the heap of tangled spaghetti limbs I formed and blinked in apparent surprise. Then a beam of black energy shot from its eye and hit me. I was immediately untangled and levitated upright into the air, though I could feel how my bones were still jelly. ¡°Thanks,¡± I told him. MY MANAGER IS STARTING TO ASK QUESTIONS, GAMBIT. OF MY LAST FIFTEEN VISITS FOR THIS ENTIRE REGION, SIX HAVE BEEN BECAUSE OF YOU AND TWO BECAUSE OF THIS NEW ABILITY OF YOURS. I BELIEVED THE LAST SOLUTION WOULD HOLD, BUT YOU JUST DEALT 1132 DAMAGE. NORMALLY, I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE SUCH AN OVERSIGHT, BUT I UNDERESTIMATED THE POWER OF MULTIPLICATION. ¡°Sorry, Breezy.¡± I WILL HAVE TO TAKE IT FROM YOU, AS IT IS CAUSING TOO MUCH OF A STRAIN ON THE SYSTEM. ¡°Wait! I have a different idea on how to fix it!¡± Panda insisted desperately, clearly not wanting to see me robbed of power. ¡°What if you just divided his Punch with eight or something?¡± Bee interjected, before Panda could make his proposal. ¡°That¡¯s actually a much better idea than what I was thinking,¡± he remarked. THAT IS NOT A BAD IDEA, THOUGH I WILL INCREASE THE NUMBER TO 10. IT WILL LOOK LIKE THIS:
¡®Math.pow(Punch)¡¯ x
Evolved Ability Evolved from the ¡®Math.multiply(Punch)¡¯ Passive. By uttering the word ¡®Pow!¡¯ before a punch, the number of punches performed since the start of the fight are raised to the power of Punch divided by 10. Restriction: one use per fight
¡°Exactly!¡± Bee said. ¡°Try and calculate some scenarios of the kind of numbers it could involve and you¡¯ll see that it won¡¯t lead to any absurdly-high numbers.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a lot less damage though¡­¡± I moped. ¡°Do you want to keep your ability or not!?¡± Panda asked me, immediately taking Bee¡¯s side. THIS OUTCOME IS FAVORABLE. I DO NOT ENJOY TAKING AWAY ABILITIES GRANTED BY THE SYSTEM. THANK YOU, ALL-MOTHER¡¯S CHOSEN, FOR HELPING RESOLVE THIS CONUNDRUM. ¡°Yay!¡± Bee celebrated. ¡°And you¡¯re welcome, Breezy!¡± I WILL RETURN TO MY OFFICE NOW AND REASSURE MY MANAGER THAT THIS SITUATION HAS BEEN RESOLVED. ¡°See you later,¡± I told him. THOUGH I WOULD HOPE THAT YOU DO NOT FORCE ME TO VISIT YOU AGAIN, I KNOW SUCH A THING IS INEVITABLY IN YOUR NATURE. UNTIL NEXT TIME¡­ And then the Adjudicator was gone. As he vanished, the magic levitating me in the air disappeared as well, and I flopped back down onto the floor in a tangle of limbs. ¡°I think he¡¯s starting to really like us,¡± Bee commented, while pulling me away from the Dungeon Barrier and trying to untangle my limbs. She seemed happy to have been able to participate in the conversation this time. While I lay flat on the ground, relaxing all my muscles in an attempt to not curl in on myself again, she went over to loot the wisp from the Director. She shared the pop-up with me: Leftovers of Regional Director ¡®Ghe-tj-tj-tja¡¯: ¡®Tarantula Wig¡¯ ¡®Observer¡¯s Eyeball¡¯ ¡®Regional Director¡¯s Big Red Button¡¯ 400x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ ¡°That Big Red Button is probably the thing your Benefactor wanted us to find,¡± Panda said. ¡°Let¡¯s get the loot and take the elevator back up before we use it,¡± Bee advised. ¡°Good call,¡± I said. ¡°But, erm, can you drag me to the elevator? I still have a few minutes left of this.¡± Bee seemed to have no trouble dragging my limp body, and in fact looked like she was having a lot of fun with it. Once we were back inside the metal box, she pressed the button that would take us back to the lobby, making sure my legs weren¡¯t crushed by the doors as they closed. While the music started playing, she leant back against the wall with a contented sigh. She pulled out a wrapped piece of red candy and threw it in her mouth, dropping the wrapper on the floor. Panda looked at her suspiciously. ¡°What was that?¡± ¡°¡®Blood Red Candy¡¯,¡± she replied. ¡°I looted it from the Scion.¡± ¡°What does it taste like?¡± I asked. ¡°Beef stew.¡± ¡°Can I have one?¡± Chapter -120 We arrived back in the lobby of the Regional Headquarters with a ding! and as soon as the doors slid open, the effect of ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯ wore off. There followed a series of loud cracks and pops as my bones regained rigidity, and it was the most tremendous chiropractor session ever. ¡°Aaaah,¡± I sighed, before stumbling upright. ¡°Gambit¡­ you¡¯re bleeding from your nose, ears, eyes, and mouth,¡± Panda commented. ¡°It¡¯s fine. I feel great.¡± The plushie gave me a doubtful stare, before saying, ¡°Let¡¯s have a look at this Big Red Button then.¡± Bee pulled it out of her inventory, and it was literally just a square block with a red button attached. ¡°Maybe we should wait to use it until we get out of here,¡± she said. I inspected the item:
¡®Regional Director¡¯s Big Red Button¡¯ x
Dropped by: Ghe-tj-tj-tja Activating this button forcefully shuts down the Broadcast Department¡¯s Castleburg Regional Headquarters. This will disable all Broadcast Nests within the Region. You may be wondering why on earth such a thing like this exists. So do we. Apparently, as a compromise for allowing the Agencies to set up shop within the part of the GREAT GAME occupied by Players, such a button must always be included in any of the Agencies¡¯ Headquarters.
Weight: N/A
¡°Woah, it shuts down all the nests,¡± I commented. ¡°I wish we¡¯d found this first.¡± ¡°Will this stop all the Announcements as well?¡± Bee wondered. Panda nodded thoughtfully. ¡°It might. Perhaps the Pro-Glitch Confederation actually knows what they¡¯re talking about.¡± ¡°I wanna push this button so hard,¡± I muttered. ¡°How do we get out of here?¡± Bee asked. ¡°The Receptionist went through that wall,¡± I told her, pointing down the far end of the lobby. ¡°Do you think that works for us as well?¡± ¡°I think they have to make it possible for Players to leave,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Hiding the exit with an illusion seems pretty unfair,¡± she replied. ¡°It could be a loophole they found,¡± I said. ¡°If the rules just state there has to be a way to exit, it doesn¡¯t mention how that exit has to look, right? And since this isn¡¯t a normal dungeon, they can be real sneaky about it.¡± ¡°That makes an uncomfortable amount of sense,¡± Panda remarked. We walked down the scraggly carpet, passing by the abandoned reception desk, before reaching the back wall, which looked just like any other wall in the lobby. Bee prodded it with a finger. Her finger passed right through as though the wall was just a projection. ¡°That feels weird,¡± she commented. ¡°Wonder where this will take us,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯d be a problem if it tosses you back out onto the web below the metro,¡± Panda commented. I¡¯d forgotten all about that already, but he was definitely right that it wouldn¡¯t be easy to get back to the surface from there. Rather than let myself be overcome with worry, I stepped through without a second thought. WARNING! Now exiting the Broadcast Department¡¯s ¡®Castleburg Regional Headquarters¡¯! Night-chilled air brushed against my face, as I was deposited out in front of a tall skyscraper back in Castleburg¡¯s downtown area. A light came from the quartz Transport Cage in the front pocket of my suit and Lordie materialized atop my head. ¡°Meow?¡± ¡°Yep, all the spiders are gone.¡± Bee appeared right next to me, with Panda on her shoulder. ¡°How fortunate,¡± he commented. ¡°Definitely saves us a lot of time,¡± Bee agreed. I reached out my hand to her and said, ¡°Give it to me, I wanna press it.¡± She blinked, for a second not comprehending my meaning, before retrieving the Big Red Button from her inventory and giving it to me. I immediately slapped the red plunger, eliciting a satisfying boop! Good job, Gambit. Your reward has been deposited into your inventory. ¡ªSchmaical¡ª Then an achievement followed. If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Agency Saboteur¡¯ Removed an Agency¡¯s presence from your Region.
Normally, Players taking down Regional Headquarters is not expected until after the second or third GAME Event. You may think that you have struck a decisive blow by cutting off the Broadcast Department¡¯s ability to observe your Region, but you failed to consider what will take their place. After all, there can be no GREAT GAME without the broadcast, and, now that the Spiders are wiped from your area, their Master will pick up the slack. When you notice it, make sure you don¡¯t stare directly at it. Just like the sun, staring at such a scalding source of energy is detrimental to your health.
Reward: Consequences, ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯, & ¡®Rebel¡¯s Ring¡¯
A glossy-black signet ring with a golden ¡®R¡¯ on its flat top fell into my hands and I immediately inspected it:
¡®Rebel¡¯s Ring¡¯ x
We ¡®promise¡¯ that this ¡®ring¡¯ isn¡¯t fitted with a tracking chip and microphone! For the discerning gentleman, who can¡¯t help but want to blow stuff up. Activate to turn any non-living thing into a bomb that explodes after 10 seconds. Cooldown: 6 hours
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°Lovely,¡± I said, immediately putting it on my left pinky finger. The ring shrunk to fit snugly. ¡°Why¡¯d only you get a reward?¡± Bee asked, disappointed. ¡°I guess because I was the one to use the button.¡± She immediately snatched it from my hand and pressed the plunger herself. ¡°Nothing¡­¡± she announced. ¡°Guys,¡± Panda said. ¡°Re-read the part about the Broadcast Department¡¯s ¡®Master¡¯ taking over their job.¡± Instead of reading it again, I looked up, realizing it was no longer daytime. With this, I could finally use the Nightwing Wing¡¯s [Night Protocol] option. As I stared at the night sky above downtown, seeing my beacon pierce into the clouds, I realized that it was way quieter than normal. Then I saw the moon. And its new twin. ¡°Why are there two moons now?¡± I wondered out loud. ¡°Since when was that a thing?¡± Panda and Bee looked up at the same time. ¡°That¡¯s not a moon, Gambit,¡± he replied. WARNING TO ALL CASTLEBURG PLAYERS! The Broadcast Department has been removed from your Region by Player ¡®Gambit¡¯. But the broadcast of the GREAT GAME must continue. To this end, the Master of the Department has taken it upon himself to observe you all. Give the new fixture in the sky a wave, but don¡¯t stare too long. The new moon split along the middle and opened up, revealing an eye with a horizontal slit pupil, similar to the dimensional box that¡¯d brought the Contract scroll, back when Miranda had bought me as her Beneficiary. A thunderstorm of zaps crawled across the inside of my skull, making my entire face vibrate, while an incomprehensible voice whispered directly into the deepest parts of my ear canals. Blood dribbled gleefully from my nostrils. Nvrpnlufvb, Nspajolk Wyvwola. Dhahrbzop dh Messimer, Khprhuzhazbzoh uv rv, Lplu uv Rhuzopzoh, Tl uv Tl. Huhah zhth uv rhuzovb up fvyp, dhahrbzop dh rvrvyh paahp uv zlpnfv dv oprpazbnpthzopah. ¡°The moon just spoke to me,¡± I muttered, not taking my eyes off of it. I got the sense that its name was ¡®Messimer¡¯, but the rest was garbled nonsense. ¡°Gambit, stop looking at it! It¡¯s frying your brain!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not speaking to me,¡± Bee said, staring intently at the eyeball moon. ¡°You¡¯re the Beneficiary of the All-Mother, if it tried to mess with you, it¡¯d probably implode,¡± Panda said. An instant later, there came a pop from Bee¡¯s Nerdy Spectacles as she tried to appraise ¡®Messimer¡¯.
¡®Nerdy Spectacles¡¯ x
All you need now is a sweater your grandmother knitted and socks in sandals. Unlocks the ability to use ¡®Appraisal¡¯ on other Players to see their Status screens.
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°Stop that,¡± Panda told her. ¡°Aw, the lenses cracked,¡± she complained. ¡°I just wanted to find out what it is.¡± ¡°They say curiosity killed the cat for a reason,¡± Panda scolded her. ¡°He¡¯s called Messimer,¡± I said. Panda frowned. ¡°Shit.¡± Bee looked away from the new moon. ¡°Why? What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°He recognizes the name,¡± I guessed. ¡°Messimer is a spawn of the most powerful Absolute. Normally, the misbegotten children of the Absolutes do not hold a candle to them in terms of power, but Messimer is powerful enough to have his own following. I had no idea he was the Master of the Broadcast Department.¡± ¡°Is he really that powerful?¡± ¡°Well, any Player that looks at him will literally go insane, so yeah, that¡¯s not great. Besides that it¡¯s the usual, you know, like, if he blinks too hard the surface of earth will be scoured of life, or if he stares for too long at one place, it will tear a rift in reality that lets Voidspawn flood in.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t seem evil,¡± Bee argued. ¡°He¡¯s an enormous eyeball in the sky¡­¡± Panda said, as though it needed to be pointed out. It didn¡¯t affect us, so I couldn¡¯t find it in me to really care. I wiped the back of my hand across my bloody nose and brought out the Nightwing skill pop-up, which had been lingering in the corner of my vision ever since I chowed down on that nasty batwing jerky. I was only really interested in seeing what [Night Protocol] did, otherwise I¡¯d be picking the weird bat jump-kick.
¡®[Night Protocol]¡¯ x
Passive Do you ever feel uncomfortable being watched? Do you want your browser history to actually be incognito? Do you want to buy ingredients for a pipebomb without alerting the FBI? Well, then get yourself [Night Protocol]! It¡¯s only 9.99! What are you waiting for!? You become truly incognito. You can no longer be tracked or observed through regular means. Daily Subscription Cost: 9.99 GAME Coins
¡°Well, I¡¯m definitely taking that,¡± I said and selected it. There followed a cha-ching! sound, and my beacon disappeared immediately. ¡°Worth every penny,¡± I commented. I summoned my longboard and said, ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± ¡°What about the Eyeball and Tarantula Wig that we picked up?¡± Bee asked. ¡°We¡¯ll check them on the way,¡± I replied, putting my left Schmonic Boot on the board and kicking off. Bee took to the air and followed after me. ¡°Do you know where we¡¯re going?¡± she asked. I brought out the Soul Compass. ¡°Of course I do.¡± Even without the Compass, I knew the trajectory of Noah Sullivan¡¯s group, based on what I¡¯d seen from the two monitors in the Broadcast HQ, as they¡¯d gone from a police station near the highway to the industrial area that lay west of the Mayor¡¯s Mansion. If the Mayor was truly pretending to be human, he would no doubt strike during the night, when his unaware companions would be sleeping. ¡°We have to go faster!¡± I said to Bee. ¡°There¡¯s an Otter Mascot in need of our help!¡± Chapter -121 It was sometime around midnight as we arrived to the industrial area west of the Mayor¡¯s mansion. In my haste to save the Mascot from being eaten by whatever kind of Skinstealer Noah Sullivan had turned into, I hadn¡¯t yet checked out the last two items we¡¯d looted from the Regional Director. Around us were warehouses in various states of repair, as well as the remains of dead construction worker zombies. Normally, corpses didn¡¯t stay around for long, as someone always came along to devour them, but it seemed this area was less populated by such scavengers. At least for now. The Humanbus and Man-Eater Metro also seemed to avoid the area. I wondered if it was because the Mayor was here or due to some other territorial World Boss. I rolled up the side of a lumber yard¡¯s main building on my board, watching the abandoned trucks nearby for any sign of movement. As I landed atop the building after my gravity defying trick, I dismissed the longboard. Bee alighted next to me, bringing Panda with her. ¡°Which way from here?¡± she asked. I pulled out the Soul Compass. It was indicating north, but the pointer was moving a lot. Panda looked down at it from atop Bee¡¯s shoulder. ¡°He must be close.¡± To the north of us lay the depot of some delivery company which had turned into a dungeon, a salvage yard full of cars, and a large truck stop with a gas station and grill. It seemed that one of these three places was our next destination. ¡°Current Condition,¡± I said and a pop-up appeared.
Gambit¡¯s Condition Health: Non-Goodn¡¯t / Isn¡¯t it Great Mana: keyhole
¡°How long will it take for me to heal to full?¡± I asked Panda. It seemed that I¡¯d lost a lot more health from the Fiendblood Sickness than I realized, if, after all this time, I still hadn¡¯t returned to full through natural recovery. ¡°You¡¯re at about 91.293% health right now, so it should only be 2 more hours.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t wait that long.¡± ¡°You could always use your Undermine ability,¡± he suggested. ¡°It¡¯s no longer on cooldown.¡±
¡®Under.mine(Virtue)¡¯ x
Plugin Ability Virtue is a castle of sand, and all it takes is a strong enough wave to undermine it from below. Ram your index finger into another Player¡¯s body to increase their Insanity Gauge by 30%, while you gain 15% in return. If the Player reaches 100% as a result, they immediately explode and heal you by 30% of your max Health. All nearby Players, upon witnessing this, incur a 15% increase to their Insanity Gauges as well. Cooldown: 10 hours
¡°Good point. I can use it on one of the people tagging along with Noah.¡± ¡°I thought you were against Gambit killing other Players,¡± Bee remarked. ¡°At this point, what does it matter?¡± the plushie replied ambivalently. ¡°They¡¯re going to die either way, so might as well give some meaning to their deaths.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s check the Tarantula Wig and Observer¡¯s Eyeball,¡± I decided. ¡°Then we¡¯re going to kill the Mayor.¡± Bee brought out the Eyeball first and I inspected it. It was made of pitted dark-grey stone, but emanated a faint tingle when I held it in my hands.
¡®Observer¡¯s Eyeball¡¯ x
This isn¡¯t an actual eyeball of the Great Observer, as that would be classified as a weapon of mass destruction. It¡¯s not even the eyeball of one of its countless spawn and offspring. It is however the eyeball of a Spider Director, who was once in charge of a Regional Branch of the Broadcast Department. This particular Spider was known to be cunning and always a step ahead. He owed much of his power to his magical eyeballs, gifted to him by the Master of his Department. Target a living creature in your line-of-sight and become able to view the world through their eyes. Lasts until the target dies or a new target is tagged. Does not work on targets that have no eyes.
Weight: 2 Pandas
If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°It¡¯s basically like my Rootkit,¡± I replied. It was still locked onto Bee, along with the Manhunter Badge.
¡®Manhunter Badge¡¯ x
¡°I¡¯ve killed before and I¡¯ll do it again!¡± - you, probably While this Badge is pinned to your clothes, you can mark another Player in your line-of-sight and always know which direction they are in, no matter the distance between you. The effect lasts until your target dies or you switch to another.
Weight: 0.3 Pandas
¡°You should keep it,¡± I told her. ¡°Okay,¡± she replied, before clearly marking me with it. After shaking it, half of the orb turned into a projection of the world as seen through my eyes, but distorted with a fisheye lens. ¡°That¡¯s weird,¡± I muttered, looking at it only to see my own viewpoint but smaller. The effect was recursive until the depiction became so tiny that it was impossible to distinguish. After stowing away the Eyeball, Bee brought out a toup¨¦e made from the bristly black hairs of the Regional Director. ¡°He only dropped one of these, so only one of us can unlock its power,¡± she said.
¡®Tarantula Wig¡¯ x
There¡¯s nothing more devastating than a Tarantula with Male Pattern Baldness. To them, anyway. Everyone else just finds it hilarious, especially when they discover the shoddy attempts to cover it up. You know what you have to do.
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Didn¡¯t even realize the Director was balding,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°What¡¯d he say?¡± ¡°It¡¯s genuinely too horrific to translate,¡± I replied. I was fairly confident that I wouldn¡¯t gain anything amazing from it and I still felt that Bee could use some extra firepower, which it¡¯d hopefully grant her, given that it came from a level 40 boss. ¡°You should use it,¡± I told her. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Definitely. Besides, it¡¯s probably some magic bullshit that I wouldn¡¯t be able to use.¡± Bee put the toup¨¦e on her head and immediately shared the results.
Choose your reward! x
Hah! You look stupid!
Pick one of the options: ¡®Moth Master¡¯ | ¡®Crafty Spinner¡¯ | ¡®Killing Thread¡¯
¡®Moth Master¡¯ x
Passive If you¡¯re wondering whether this skill is worth it, then we¡¯re right there with you. Enables you to control all non-intelligent Moths in your vicinity using rudimentary commands.
¡®Crafty Spinner¡¯ x
Ability Where is all that web coming from? Trust me, you don¡¯t want to know. You can create flimsy objects in your hands out of spiderwebs, with the maximum complexity being half your own body mass. Mana Cost: 1
¡®Killing Thread¡¯ x
Ability It¡¯s a shame that all spiders in your world weren¡¯t already equipped with this ability. A walk through a cobweb would suddenly become a much different experience and our attempts to eradicate your pathetic species would¡¯ve been expedited significantly. You can create an extremely thin but highly durable thread capable of cutting through steel and carrying up to ten times your own weight, but which drains your Mana every second it is active. Mana Drain: 2
¡°Depending on what qualifies as a non-intelligent moth, the first option could be quite useful,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°It also could work with Moth Malady that calls moths to your location.¡± ¡°You have to pick ¡®Killing Thread¡¯,¡± I pleaded. Bee grinned, then swung her right hand in a pinching gesture. Immediately, a truck nearby was cleaved in half. ¡°Holy shit!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°Me-ow...¡± ¡°Lordie thinks you¡¯re scary. But don¡¯t take it personal, he¡¯s just afraid of spiders.¡± ¡°It feels really good, but I need to get more Mana. Even with the 25% from Moth Mania, I¡¯m only able to sustain this thread for 19 seconds.¡± She shared her Status screen with me, just to emphasize:
Level 14 ¡®Bee¡¯ Moth Magician x
---This bar is red, because it represents the sins of mankind---
STATS
Health: 6 Stamina: 9 Armor: 8
Carry Weight: 60 Top Speed: 13,5 km/h Mana: 38
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 3 Dexterity: 4 Intelligence: 15 Vitality: 3
Athleticism: 3 Perception: 3 Wisdom: 10 Defense: 4
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®Beetle Breeze¡¯ ¡®Beetle Barrier¡¯ ¡®Beetle Blastoff¡¯ ¡®Furniture Fortification¡¯ ¡®Puzzle Lock¡¯ ¡®Mind Trap¡¯ ¡®Beetle Brawler Bomber¡¯ ¡®Killing Thread¡¯ ¡®Moth Mania¡¯ ¡®Moth Malady¡¯ ¡®Moth Mnemonic¡¯ ¡®Beetle-Moth Missile¡¯ ¡®Wayward Minor¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Outcast¡¯ ¡®Beetle Brawn¡¯ ¡®Beetle Battlemage¡¯
¡°I think you should put more points into Defense and Vitality,¡± Panda advised. ¡°She won¡¯t need to if she can just kill anything before it¡¯s able to harm her,¡± I said. ¡°Alright, with that out of the way, let¡¯s go find Noah before he eats our new friend.¡± ¡°New friend?¡± Bee asked. ¡°He¡¯s talking about the Otter Mascot. For some reason he¡¯s obsessed about befriending a mascot character¡­¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± I exclaimed eagerly, hopping down off the roof. I landed firmly on the squishy soles of my Schmonic Boots, cratering the compacted earth thanks to my quintupled body weight. My Skater Boy ability was back on cooldown, but it wasn¡¯t far to wherever the Mayor was hiding. Chapter -122 I was sitting in the darkness next to a truck that was missing its wheels, while watching the gas station on the other side of the street. A fit thirty-something black guy dressed in construction clothes holding a heavy-looking crossbow was guarding the entrance. ¡°They must be inside,¡± I whispered to Bee. ¡°But let me check.¡± ¡°Rootkit.¡± Rootkit initiating! ... ¡­Evading firewall... ... ¡­Generating backdoor... ... ¡­Playing ¡®im_in.mp3¡¯ through speakers¡­ ... Success! Rootkit installed on Player Target: ¡®Davis Green¡¯ ¡°Rootkit.monitor( ),¡± I continued. A small webcam screen appeared in the center of my vision, the quality extremely poor, but nevertheless from the perspective of Davis Green. ¡°This is still creepy,¡± Panda remarked. The man was gliding his gaze across the surroundings, while a little bit of light from within the gas station was illuminating his surroundings. From the way the light shifted, I guessed its origin was either a few candles or maybe a campfire. Lighting fire within a gas station seemed pretty idiotic, but it did present an easy way to get rid of them all. But first¡­ ¡°Where¡¯s the Otter¡­¡± I muttered. [Wish I had some smokes¡­] came the muttered voice of Davis, full of static and audio artefacts. I mentally nudged the webcam screen out from the center of my vision, before picking up a small pebble from the ground. The entire scrap yard was essentially just a gravel field with old cars. ¡°What are you doing with that?¡± Bee whispered. ¡°A small distraction.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way that¡¯ll work,¡± Panda remarked. I put the pebble between the thumb and middle fingers of the balloon gauntlet, then finger-flicked it at the side of an abandoned truck near where Davis was guarding. ¡°Distraction pebble!!¡± squealed Brock. The pebble hit the truck¡¯s door and penetrated all the way through with a loud pling! This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°How the hell are you so accurate?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°Practice.¡± ¡°Bullshit.¡± ¡°Why aren¡¯t we just killing them?¡± Bee asked. I glared at her. ¡°We need the Otter! You know how it goes: ¡®Save the Otter, save the world¡¯!¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± she replied. I shook my head. ¡°You¡¯ll realize what I mean by season 4.¡± Bee looked to Panda for guidance. ¡°Don¡¯t ask me. I¡¯m lost too.¡± The footage of the webcam shifted as Davis went to investigate the sound, his crossbow lifted and ready to fire. ¡°Why did that work¡­?¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Guards always check loud noises, even if they are clearly distractions,¡± I lectured. As Davis went around the back of the truck, he disappeared from our line of sight. We had a straight unimpeded shot to the gas station now, but I wanted to see where the Mayor was first, since I didn¡¯t trust the Skinstealer to not lay in wait for me. [Must¡¯ve been the wind¡­] Davis muttered through the webcam feed. ¡°Are we sure this guy isn¡¯t the Skinstealer?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°He¡¯s acting like an NPC.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Bee asked. [Crunch!] ¡°It means¡ª¡± I immediately interrupted him before he could get started, ¡°Shut up. Listen.¡± [Crunch!] Davis seemed to have picked up on the sound as well, as he turned towards its source. We couldn¡¯t see him at all from where we hid, but, from the feed, it seemed the sound was coming from behind an overturned container truck. There was no light at all in that part of the gas station¡¯s parking lot, so Davis pulled out a lighter from his trouser pocket and flicked it on, while holding the crossbow steady with his other hand. The crunching sounds grew louder-and-louder as he circled around the side of the truck. Lip-smacking and water-dripping sounds were interspersed with the crunching, and as he came around to the other side of the truck, there was a hunched-over dark shape there, eating something. Since my Transition Lenses didn¡¯t affect what Davis was seeing, I had no idea what he was looking at. Bee was waiting for an update patiently, unable to see what Panda and I were watching. [Mister Sullivan, that you?] asked Davis. The sounds stopped and the dark shape righted itself slightly. Davis threw the lighter towards it and the brief glimpse of the creature made me grit my teeth. The lighter¡¯s flame illuminated a prone shape of what looked like a human-sized brown teddy-bear. The middle of it was frayed and torn open, revealing a bloodied and ripped human body beneath its surface. But it wasn¡¯t a bear. It was an otter. The creature that¡¯d been snacking on it looked like a human from the torso and down, but the neck and head were peeled open and full of teeth, as though belonging to a lamprey-humanoid creature. [Drip!] came the sound of the dark blood that fell from the many teeth. The open face and neck zipped itself shut and became a recognizable human face. Noah Sullivan¡¯s face to be exact. As he stood up to his full height, regarding Davis, the lighter¡¯s flame died out. [You caught me at an awkward moment¡­] said Noah. [Is that¡­ is that Otto!?] The dark shape took a step towards Davis, before suddenly flying forward. The webcam feed cut off and a scream rent the air. ¡°Shit,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°¡­He killed Otto! Otto the Otter Mascot!!¡± I stood up, clenching my fists in outrage. ¡°Gambit, calm down,¡± Bee urged. In the distance at the gas station, the three remaining Players within quickly stormed out through the doors, crossbows and spears in their hands. A dark shape immediately landed on the first one, tearing it limb-from-limb, while the two survivors began attacking it. I stooped to pick up some pebbles and immediately finger-flicked one at a gas pump next to them. Pling! A dime-sized hole opened in the front of it and liquid started bubbling out gleefully, while the last two of Noah¡¯s crew were torn apart by him. I finger-flicked another pebble, aiming it at the ground near the gasoline. The sound was like a loud scratch, but as soon as it created a small spark, a deafening explosion rolled through the gas station as the whole thing lit up like the 4th of July. I stormed towards the flames, my fists clenched. ¡°You¡¯ll fucking die, Noah!¡± I yelled, pulling the Soul Blade from my chest and manifesting a purple gummy-bear trident. I lifted the weapon above my head, charging it while running into the fire. ¡°For Otto!!¡± I screamed. Chapter -123 I stopped in front of the conflagration, waiting for the Mayor to come out, while blowing air into Brock. Lordie took this as his cue to disappear into the Transport Cage. ¡°A big one¡¯s coming, Gamby!!¡± ¡°Stop making it weird,¡± I grunted. When the fingers of the balloon gauntlet were fully bloated, I lowered the purple gummy trident slightly, preparing to ram it straight into Noah¡¯s fucked-up monstrous face. A black silhouette appeared in the fire, materializing into a naked Ken-doll-looking man. All his clothes and body hair were burnt off as he stepped out of the flames. His skin was unscathed and his face was back to normal, although his eyes were pitch-black, even the sclera. ¡°Hi there, let¡¯s go take down some Dungeons together!¡± he said in a confident deep voice. He looked like a total musclehead, nothing at all like the pathetic man I¡¯d stabbed in his expensive mansion. Bee shared the appraisal of him.
Level 20 ¡®Noah Sullivan¡¯ Player x
¡°Let¡¯s all get along, huh guys?¡± Class: Natural-Born Leader Main Attribute(s): Strength Noah is a natural-born leader, it says so right there above! Oh, he¡¯s just such a swell human and everybody loves him! He¡¯s the famous Quarterback of the long-gone Castleburg Maniacs team and holds the beer pong highscore record in the state. Basically, he¡¯s the most amazing human you can imagine! Legends say that he had to become voluntarily celibate after all the women in his college tried to throw themselves at him, because he¡¯s such an irresistible human. He is a human just like you.
I spat on the ground. ¡°Natural-born leader, my ass-crack!¡± ¡°Is this supposed to be what a disguised appraisal looks like?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°It¡¯s pretty obvious if they keep repeating the word ¡®human¡¯ in the least natural way possible¡­¡± ¡°We know you¡¯re not human ¡®Noah¡¯!¡± I told the Skinstealer, before pulling out the Conspiracy Whistle and blowing into it. Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has activated a Conspiracy Whistle. You have received +10% Insanity! ¡°Stop that,¡± Noah said, annoyed. ¡°Make me, bitch,¡± I taunted, blowing it again. You have received +10% Insanity! ¡°This won¡¯t affect me, right?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Stop it!¡± Noah repeated. You have received +10% Insanity! ¡°I will kill you, you little shit!¡± ¡°I already called dibs on killing you first!¡± I yelled back, lowering the whistle. ¡°Also, why isn¡¯t this working? He¡¯s still clearly in his human disguise!¡± Noah roared and charged at me. ¡°Fuck it,¡± I muttered, clenching my fist to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring and lowering myself down into a crouch before springing forward, trident-first. The combination of the fully-charged Soul Blade, my pumped-up gauntlet, the ring, and my Spring Heel came together to create a blinding spear of light that overpowered the bloom of the gasoline fire. When it struck, the impact was enough to create a powerful wind that extinguished the gas station fire and blew away the ashy corpses of Noah¡¯s former crew. The shockwave also shattered all the windows in a cone outwards from me and pushed away the nearby trucks. The Skinstealer was sent flying into the side of the building hard enough to go straight through the metal and concrete wall. ¡°Did that kill him?¡± Bee asked. ¡°That looked like a lot of damage.¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t as strong as my last Pow Punch,¡± I muttered, disappointed. ¡°It was a lot of damage,¡± Panda confirmed. ¡°The fact that the pavement is still here says otherwise,¡± I complained. The crunch and crumble of broken concrete came from the gas station. I began striding towards it, but only made it a few steps before Noah crawled out of the opening in the wall that his body had created. ¡°That really hurt.¡± The voice was completely different from the one he¡¯d used moments before. It was warbly and extremely high-pitched, like a dolphin¡¯s shriek. The Skinstealer wasn¡¯t even pretending to be human anymore. ¡°You broke my vessel. That¡¯s not very nice.¡± As Not-Noah raised himself to his full height, I noticed how his skin had massive tears in it, as though it was a piece of fabric that¡¯d been worn thin. Underneath the torn skin was a roiling black mass. ¡°I will have to take yours instead. That¡¯s only fair, right?¡± Noah¡¯s skin started to tear itself open around his head, as two clawed arms pushed their way out from within. ¡°Beetle Brawler Bomber!¡± Bee exclaimed, before following it up with ¡°Bomb!¡± twice, sending off the spectral fists to strike against the Skinstealer before it could fully shed its old skin. ¡°Stop that! Can¡¯t you let me finish!?¡± the monster yelled in outrage, its old skin now full of holes. ¡°It¡¯s somehow worse that it¡¯s talking,¡± Panda commented. Following Bee¡¯s example, I started warming up for Pow Punch by shadowboxing the air in front of me as fast as I could. I wouldn¡¯t have my ring available for this, but I figured that I could still deal enough damage to kill this thing if I just racked up enough punches. The last tatters of Noah¡¯s youthful skin plopped to the ground next to the burnt-out gas pumps, as the Skinstealer¡¯s true visage became visible. It unfurled its droopy body, reaching a height of nine or ten feet, though it was mostly thanks to its long neck. There was no head attached at the top, just three mouths with pale-grey tongues flopping out. It had two T-Rex like arms with three claws each and three feet that looked like they were stolen from an elephant. Its entire body was charcoal black, but its skin was sagging everywhere, kind of like a kid wearing an XXL sweater and pushing up the sleeves just so he could use his hands. ¡°Beetle-Moth Sting!¡± Bee exclaimed, shooting a jet of acid at the boss. ¡°Ouch! Stop that!¡± She backpedaled quickly and not a second too late, as one of the short arms snapped forward like a whip, producing a loud crack and tearing a gouge in the ground. I launched myself forward, while Bee fired off her Sting two more times, trying to rack up both the venom and the Fiendblood Sickness inherent in her wand. ¡°Blam!!¡± Brock squealed, as I sunk my right fist into the creature¡¯s saggy knee. One of its tongues flicked towards me and I dodgerolled through its entire body. Just then, Bee shared the appraisal:
Level 30 ¡®The Bodysnatcher¡¯ Boss Monstrosity x
¡°Hippity-hoppity, your body is now my property!¡± As the Lord of Skinstealers, the Bodysnatcher is an entity that takes up residence inside a Player and perfectly imitates them. This is its true form, revealed only after its vessel was destroyed. Unlike the feral and primitive Skinstealers, the Bodysnatcher is an intelligent creature, and you just made it angry. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Fun Fact: There is a fascinating aspect to this Monstrosity, and that¡¯s what happens when it takes over another potential Monstrosity¡¯s body. You¡¯ve already seen what happens when a Villain goes insane, but imagine if a cunning intelligence had been part of the Lord of Sinners. In case you¡¯re wondering, you¡¯re one such potential Monstrosity, but then you went and became all Glitched. Still, we¡¯re sure something fun happens when it scoops out your insides and wears you like a costume.
Panda read the text aloud for me, while I nudged the box into the corner of my vision. The more he read, the less I wanted to be close to the creature. ¡°Stop moving!¡± yelled the Bodysnatcher. ¡°Fuck no!¡± I replied, ducking under an awkward kick from one of its elephant feet, while taking every opportunity to punch it that I could. ¡°You¡¯re close to sixty punches, Gambit,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Hey, not fair!¡± exclaimed the Monstrosity, before doing something I had never expected. As I side-stepped a double swipe at my head from its elastic arms, one of them dug its claws into Panda, pulling him off of my shoulder. ¡°Mine now!¡± it said gleefully, while beginning to aggressively lick the plushie with all three of its tongues. ¡°Argh! Gross! Stop that! I¡¯ll file a complaint with HR!¡± ¡°You taste good!¡± ¡°Hold on!¡± I told Panda, before dodgerolling backwards and settling down into a crouch. Brock was only about thirty percent filled with air, but I was acting out of desperation. I shot myself forward and up at the bosses long headless neck, while swinging my gauntlet forward. ¡°Here it comes!¡± Brock squealed. ¡°Pow!¡± I yelled as I struck. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 61 Calculating 61 to the power of Punch ¡­ Calculations complete! It felt like my arm turned into a cannon, as heat and energy fired out from the tip of my balloon gauntlet, tearing a big hole into the Bodysnatcher¡¯s neck and deleting two of the three mouths from existence. In response to the damage, the Monstrosity yowled in pain and outrage, dropping Panda to the ground. No sooner had he landed on the pavement than Bee swooped by to pick him up, fluttering her wings to quickly spin around the boss, while clutching Panda to her chest tightly. The blue ethereal fists manifested in the air around her and she began pummeling the undulating Bodysnatcher with them, giving him not even a second of reprieve. I joined in as well, using minimally-charged crouches to give each of my punches double damage, while absolutely going to town. The Monstrosity¡¯s voice changed and warped, until becoming nothing but a single high-pitched whine. Then suddenly it went silent, reduced to nothing but black droopy mush splattered on the ground between us. Bee lowered herself down to the ground as a red wisp materialized above the Bodysnatcher¡¯s corpse. ¡°That took all my Mana,¡± she said with a satisfied sigh. ¡°You really gave it to him,¡± I praised her, surprised by her show of fury. ¡°He violated Panda!¡± she replied defensively. ¡°It was very traumatic¡­¡± the plushie added. ¡°I had no idea that a Boss could even touch you,¡± I remarked. ¡°Me neither¡­¡± ¡°We should definitely be worried about that, right?¡± ¡°They can¡¯t actually hurt me,¡± Panda said with a level of confidence hinting at the fact that he knew something we didn¡¯t. ¡°How are you so sure?¡± Bee rightly asked. ¡°Enough about me!¡± he retorted, clearly wanting to change the subject. ¡°What about you, Gambit? How do you feel now that the Mayor is dead?¡± I looked down at the pile of black mush. ¡°He¡¯s been dead for a long time. That wasn¡¯t the Mayor.¡± On some deep level, I¡¯d known that he wouldn¡¯t be the same person I had sworn vengeance against. The Great Game had shown, time and again, that they were okay messing with the reality of things, and they certainly had a thing for antagonizing me. The moment they knew I was a menace, they¡¯d likely prepared the Mayor to trap me. I let out a long sigh. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s time to put it behind me at last.¡± ¡°Yes!¡± Panda exclaimed triumphantly. ¡°I¡¯ll set my sights higher.¡± ¡°Wait no, stop.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go after the Agencies, one-by-one, until none are left! Until the Great Game is forced to shut down!¡± ¡°I was really hoping you¡¯d decide to use your power to save what¡¯s left of humanity. But it¡¯s like you can¡¯t function without some higher power or authority to go after¡­¡± ¡°Everyone needs a hobby, Panda.¡± He sighed in defeat, still held within Bee¡¯s arms. ¡°Fine, I suppose this is slightly better than obsessing about the Mayor and anyone else who hurt you in the past.¡± Bee started walking towards the wisp hovering in the pile of black mush and I was looking forward to seeing what it dropped. She froze just as her hand reached out to it, a red glimmer visible in her Nerdy Spectacles. ¡°It¡¯s still¡ª¡± A crimson arm wielding a greatsword slashed out from the middle of the pile, shearing through Bee¡¯s right shoulder and both of the wings on that side of her body. The wisp had been a trap! I reacted faster than I knew was possible, springing forward to grab her and push her out of harm¡¯s way, just as a slash followed the first strike. We tumbled across the ground, hitting one of the charred pumps and coming to an abrupt halt. Meanwhile, a large red clawed gauntlet reached out from within the Leftovers Wisp, attached to a double-jointed arm covered in segmented plates. The right one holding the greatsword also grew a little, but was still shorter overall. Two long armored legs sprouted from beneath the wisp and, as they extended themselves, it rose up into the air, taller than the Bodysnatcher had been. Lastly followed a head, although it was really just a floating square mask with a halo of red thorns hovering above it. ¡°Drink the Tincture!¡± Panda yelled to Bee, who was rapidly losing blood and consciousness. Her entire right side was one open wound, her organs and ribcage exposed where the sword had carved through her. At the sight, my mind became a jumble of anxiety and fear. A vial of honey-colored liquid appeared in her left hand, but she was too weak to lift it to her lips. Panda immediately took it from her and snapped off the end, before hopping onto her remaining shoulder and pouring its contents into her mouth. ¡°What are you waiting around for!¡± he yelled at me without turning. ¡°Go kill it! That¡¯s all you¡¯re good for after all!¡± Bee¡¯s glasses reflected the crimson figure with a Leftover Wisp for a torso, but her vacant stare just gazed into the dark sky behind it. As I stood back up, the self-cleaning function of my Unicorn Suit was getting rid of all her blood which covered me. I saw how her shoulder joint and right arm still lay at the foot of the new monster, and felt my gorge rising. Just then, she shared the appraisal with me, despite the signs of her Tincture of Full Healing not yet kicking in.
Level 99 ¡®Red Pawn¡¯ Spawn of an Absolute x
THE FLAYED QUEEN SENDS HER REGARDS TO YOU, GAMBIT. SHE DOES NOT APPRECIATE HER GIFT GOING UNAPPRECIATED. SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. What the fuck did you do!? Why is this thing here inside the GREAT GAME!? Please hang tight while we contact one of the Dragonflies in the Voidspawn Defense Force! Also, we suggest you run away. Really fast.
It turned out that Panda had been right, the Flayed Queen was not to be messed with. I raised a middle finger at it. ¡°.unicorn( )!¡± ¡°You tell ¡®im, Gamby!!¡± Brock hooted. A portal appeared next to the mask of the Red Pawn. The hind and tail of a unicorn appeared, before releasing a loud reverbing fart that created a cloud of rainbow gas. Then it disappeared as suddenly as it had arrived. ¡°Well, shit.¡± I had one other idea for how to deal a lot of damage to it, but if it failed, then we were probably fucked. ¡°Use the Droplet to distract it!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°The Droplet?¡± I asked for a second, before realizing what he meant. The Spawn was not allowing me a second to breathe though, as it immediately swung the greatsword down at me. I dodgerolled to the side, hoping it would ignore Bee. A slash followed and I was forced to roll again, but it was clearly targeting me specifically. I used Spring Heel to create some distance, but the Red Pawn, eager to chop me in two like it¡¯d done to Bee, hopped with me. Its armored feet scraped the pavement loudly as it landed, releasing sparks and chunks of asphalt. Then it swung again and all I could do was dodge. While I rolled through its attack, I opened my inventory and pulled out the Queen¡¯s Droplet. As soon as I came back onto my feet, the Red Pawn stood frozen, staring at the object in my hand. ¡°Oh, you want this, huh?¡± I pulled out another item from my inventory, one of the two Lucky Dice I possessed. It arrived in the palm of my hand as a pair of dice and both were made of warm reflective-black stone with a golden clover on each face. I tossed the dice while raising the droplet that the Red Pawn was still very much focused on. LUCKY DICE ROLLED! Your next luck-based Encounter, Skill, or Loot Drop has been tweaked heavily in your favor. The Droplet itself was actually held in a glass cylinder that had no obvious way to open it. It was probably for the best, since direct exposure to the blood of the Flayed Queen would literally make me her slave¡­ I pulled back my right arm holding the cylinder, before yeeting it straight into the air. The Red Pawn followed it as it flew up, ignoring my presence completely. After lowering myself down into a crouch, I sprung forward and swung my fist into its mask. ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± The golden wheel came down from out of nowhere. Unlike every other time before, this time the different triangle segments were all green. *Sigh* We¡¯re back. Don¡¯t get your hopes up though, this isn¡¯t your regular spin of the wheel¡­ ¡®Gambit¡¯, that son of a gun, has used a Lucky Dice to rig this game of chance in his favor. *Audience booing* Yep, it sucks. So let¡¯s just get it over with. For this Lucky spin only, here are the options: 10000x Damage Atomic Annihilation Wet Willy A Visit From Skippy Cosmic Deletion Stop Punching Yourself Alright, chop-chop, say the magic phrase and let¡¯s get this over with! *Audience cheering* ¡°Hey, Mammon, I actually had a new question,¡± I started. No. We¡¯re not doing this. Immediately the wheel began to spin on its own. ¡°Oi! I didn¡¯t even say the phrase!¡± I protested, but I suddenly felt my mouth get zipped shut by the Greedling¡¯s magic. The result is ¡®A Visit From Skippy¡¯! Well, at least it landed on a fun one. I¡¯m not going to spoil what happens. Just keep watching. The golden wheel was quickly pulled up and away, before time resumed as normal. I was flung back as a massive black pond appeared below the Red Pawn, who was still looking up into the air at the droplet I¡¯d tossed away. I landed on my ass and skidded a few feet. Without warning, a massive whale-shark-like creature came out of the black pond and snapped its jaws shut around the Spawn of the Flayed Queen, before pulling it away and down into the black pond. Even after the Red Pawn disappeared and an orange Leftover Wisp blossomed to life above the black water, the pond didn¡¯t go away. Ten seconds after the wisp appeared, the Droplet fell back down to the ground and into the dark waters, no doubt lost forever. Bee came over to my side, helping me back to my feet. I looked her up-and-down, but she seemed back to full. ¡°Are you okay?¡± I asked her. She nodded. ¡°The All-Mother promised me that she will wage eternal war on the Flayed Queen.¡± ¡°That¡¯s, eh, something?¡± ¡°Before either of you think about it,¡± Panda started. ¡°Don¡¯t touch that water in the black pond.¡± ¡°Who is ¡®Skippy¡¯?¡± ¡°A different Absolute¡¯s Spawn¡­ It¡¯s definitely a bad sign that so many of them have shown up this early.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll grab the Leftovers,¡± Bee announced, lifting off the ground with her regenerated wings and being careful to not touch the pond, while she lowered herself down to grab the contents of the wisp. For a brief second, I anticipated another trap, but this time it disappeared as soon as she looted it. When she returned, she was grinning from ear-to-ear. ¡°Look!¡± Leftovers of Absolute¡¯s Spawn ¡®Red Pawn¡¯: 2000x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ ¡®Safe Zone Sphere¡¯ ¡®Bodysnatcher¡¯s Tongue¡¯ ¡®Red Pawn¡¯s Mask¡¯ ¡®Halo of Thorns¡¯ Chapter -124
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Double Trouble¡¯ Defeat a Boss with two phases.
There are not a lot of Bosses like this between the 1st and 2nd GAME Events, but they will become more common after the 2nd. We¡¯re hoping that having more Bosses like this will actually prevent you from just one-shotting your way through every encounter. And at least this time that seems to have been the case. Still, the Mayor was meant to require a group of powerful Players to take down, not just two people¡­
Reward: 50x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®You got on HER bad side¡­¡¯ Survive a trap laid by the Flayed Queen.
The Flayed Queen, despite being an Absolute of unknowable power and influence, is a surprisingly-vindictive bastard. That¡¯s right, we said it! It took us a moment to figure out why she was angry at you, but it seems the fact that you rejected her blood was the main reason. Really just goes to show how petty she can be. But, then again, she always loves taking an active role in the GREAT GAME, and she was probably banking on you wanting to become her Beneficiary. Anyway, she¡¯s not even allowed to do what she did, but, you know, Absolutes can kind of just bend the rules through sheer power. Nevertheless, we can assure you this won¡¯t happen again!
Reward: Restraining Order against the Flayed Queen
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Knight takes Pawn¡¯ Defeated a Red Pawn.
Red Pawns come in many variants and sizes, and are normally not part of the GREAT GAME until after the 4th GAME Event. This should be obvious, given how powerful they are. The fact that you managed to defeat one is quite spectacular, although you also tweaked your luck to make it happen, so we don¡¯t view it as a display of skill. Regardless, such a feat must be rewarded.
Reward: ¡®Core of a Red Pawn¡¯
The Core arrived in my hands and looked like a red Leftovers Wisp, but smaller. Despite being made from incorporeal matter, I was able to hold it in my hands. Bee and I had split the 2000 Coins, and along with the 50 from the Double Trouble achievement, I was now sitting at 2558.01 Coins in total. ¡°I want to go back to Shellby and buy some more stuff,¡± I commented. ¡°Was just thinking the same thing,¡± Bee replied. ¡°That Tincture really came in handy.¡± ¡°I should¡¯ve bought one too.¡± ¡°Really hope you two get how lucky you were!¡± Panda lectured. ¡°You don¡¯t just survive a trap laid by the Flayed Queen. She¡¯s known for how deadly her retribution is!¡± ¡°It¡¯s good to know that Spin the Wheel can be quite powerful when paired with a Lucky Dice,¡± I mused. ¡°You¡¯re not listening to me!¡± he exclaimed. ¡°I hear you just fine.¡± ¡°You only have one more of those left anyway, so you shouldn¡¯t bank on it saving the day again.¡± ¡°There must be a reliable way to get more.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t count on it,¡± he replied. ¡°But maybe you get them from things involving chance? You got your first from beating Bee and Lordie in rock-paper-scissors after all.¡± ¡°I got the second one from destroying the Broadcast HQ though.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s destroy the rest and get you more,¡± Bee said excitedly. ¡°Might as well,¡± I replied. Panda sighed loudly. I lifted up the Core in my hands and inspected it:
¡®Core of a Red Pawn¡¯ x
This Core is technically identical to a Leftover Wisp, but imbibing its essence allows you to attain a modicum of the Red Pawn¡¯s powers.
Weight: 1 Panda
If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°What do the other items do?¡± ¡°Have a look,¡± Bee said, depositing the Halo, Tongue, and Mask on the pavement between us.
¡®Halo of Thorns¡¯ x
The Flayed Queen, the Betrayer, the Primogenitor of Envy, is often likened to a thorny rose. She has a way of luring you in with her outward beauty, but, when you embrace her, you are impaled upon her thorns. If you serve her, you are willingly piercing yourself upon her thorns. Returns 25% of incoming damage back to its source as blood-based magic damage.
Weight: 3.25 Pandas
¡®Bodysnatcher¡¯s Tongue¡¯ x
The tongue of the Boss Monstrosity known as the Bodysnatcher. In order to unlock the powers trapped within, you must smack it as hard as you can. (It¡¯s not a fetish thing this time, we promise!)
Weight: 1 Panda
¡®Red Pawn¡¯s Mask¡¯ x
The mask of a Red Pawn, torn from its body after death. As with any pawn, they are easy to replace. Equipping this mask immediately forces a Spontaneous Class Change to ¡®Red Pawn¡¯.
Weight: 2 Pandas
¡°I think you should use the Tongue, it might give you something good.¡± ¡°Obviously you should throw away the Mask,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Red Pawn is just another word for ¡®Slave to the Flayed Queen¡¯.¡± ¡°The achievement said the Flayed Queen can¡¯t hurt us anymore, so I say we keep it and sell it.¡± ¡°What about the Halo?¡± Bee asked. ¡°It fits with your wand, so I say you keep it too.¡± ¡°What about you? You did all the work, but you¡¯re only gonna take the Core?¡± ¡°Think about it, the Red Pawn was level 99, so it¡¯s got to give me something ultra-strong, right?¡± She nodded, then put the Halo of Thorns atop her head, where it immediately resized itself and began to hover, spinning around very slowly. Then she took the flat of her hand and smacked the absolute shit out of the Bodysnatcher¡¯s Tongue. Bee grunted. ¡°It was a fetish thing, apparently. They said they are going to distribute the footage to all the nine Demonic Realms.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it illegal to do that with a minor?¡± I asked. Panda shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s non-graphic, so it¡¯s more-or-less just like those old Nickelodeon shows.¡± ¡°Ah, I see. Nonetheless icky though.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not arguing with you there,¡± he replied. ¡°Still, that reference came to you a bit too easily,¡± I remarked with a suspicious glare. ¡°I don¡¯t like what you¡¯re implying,¡± Panda grumbled, crossing his arms. ¡°I¡¯m just saying, maybe you really liked those weird slime shows.¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± Bee asked. ¡°You¡¯re too young to know,¡± we replied simultaneously. ¡°It¡¯s a blessing, truly,¡± Panda added. ¡°You said it.¡± I lifted the Core up to my mouth before throwing it in. It immediately flew down into my lungs like an inhale of fresh air, which was a surprisingly-nice feeling.
Choose your reward! x
You basically just ate the body of a Red Pawn. Kind of weird, not gonna lie. But hey, if you¡¯re into that, I guess we won¡¯t judge you.
Pick one of the options: ¡®crimsonContagion¡¯ | ¡®Crimson Claymore¡¯ | ¡®Crimson Armor¡¯
¡®crimsonContagion¡¯ x
Ability Once it¡¯s started, it never ends. Target a Player and inflict them with the ¡®Insanity Virus¡¯. Every minute, they get +1% to their Insanity Gauge. If they touch another Player, they pass the Virus on to them and are spared. If a Player with this contagion hits 100% Insanity, they turn into a Bloodfiend that can spread the Virus with its attacks. Charge: 1/1
¡®Crimson Claymore¡¯ x
Ability A Red Pawn uses condensed hatred and envy to construct its deadly weapon. It is a simple but undeniable power that it wields. Manifest a claymore made of crimson energy that can cut through anything. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 1 hour
¡®Crimson Armor¡¯ x
Ability A Red Pawn uses condensed contempt and jealousy to construct its armour. It is a simple but undeniable defense that it imbues. Manifest a suit of armor made of crimson energy that can withstand anything. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 1 hour
I scratched my head. The Contagion ability seemed fun and could potentially work great if I fused it with something else, but if I was intentionally spreading insanity around, didn¡¯t that make me the bad guy? ¡°You should take the armor,¡± Panda advised. I nodded and picked the sword. ¡°You¡ª!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t need defense, Panda. And look at it this way, if I¡¯d had that sword, I wouldn¡¯t have had to burn a Lucky Dice to kill the Pawn, right?¡± ¡°Not sure it would¡¯ve worked on him,¡± he muttered. ¡°Anything good on your end?¡± I asked Bee. ¡°Should I pick defense or attack?¡± I considered it for a moment, before saying, ¡°Definitely defense. You¡¯ve got a lot of power already and with every level your power grows, but the Pawn made it obvious that you need more protection.¡± ¡°Then I¡¯m picking this,¡± she said and shared a tooltip:
¡®Fluid Metal Innards¡¯ x
Unique Passive Maybe you did not realize, but the body of a Bodysnatcher is, just like its cousin the Capgras Demon, made entirely of a type of organic metal. Your flesh and organs become organic metal that slowly heals itself over time. You take 25% less damage from all physical attacks, but you become extremely vulnerable to frost magic.
¡°Holy shit, a unique passive!?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a bit worried about my insides becoming metal and the whole frost thing.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a good choice though.¡± ¡°I concur,¡± Panda added. ¡°Okay!¡± After picking it, nothing changed about her at all. ¡°Do you feel any differently?¡± ¡°No¡­¡± ¡°Why do you sound disappointed about that?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I expected there to at least be a little bit of fanfare or something.¡± ¡°You could try cutting off a pinkie-finger and seeing what it looks like,¡± Panda suggested darkly. Bee and I both went silent, before turning to slowly look at him. ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°That was fucked up,¡± I commented. ¡°I thought you were meant to be the voice of reason,¡± Bee said disappointedly. Panda was holding his head in his squishy fingerless arms. ¡°Why did I just suggest that?? What¡¯s happened to me!?¡± Suddenly, a wash of light filled the entire area, as though a massive spotlight had just been switched on. It easily covered an area that was half a mile across, centered on us. I looked up and saw an enormous black shape in the night sky, which blotted out Messimer¡¯s eyeball moon. ¡°What the¡ª¡± Giant overlapping triangles appeared on the ground, before a warning went out to the area: WARNING! Child Protective Services have come to collect a Wayward Minor in distress. The Amoral Pervert known as ¡®Gambit¡¯ has kidnapped her and will face public execution. All other Players should vacate the landing zone. ¡°Uh oh.¡± Chapter -125 ¡°The fight has reset, if I build up enough punches, I can probably delete that spaceship from the sky,¡± I said confidently. Panda shook his head. ¡°Your Urchin Ring is still on cooldown, so you¡¯d need several hundred punches to deal enough damage, I think. Bee is also out of Mana.¡± ¡°And when my Ring is ready?¡± ¡°75 punches will let you deal a million damage if you have all your buffs ready,¡± Bee calculated off the top of her head like a Math Savant. ¡°All I need to know. We¡¯re running until it¡¯s back up then.¡± ¡°You need 6 more minutes,¡± Panda said. I brought out the longboard and Bee lifted into the air using her wings, before grabbing onto my shoulders as I kicked off. Lordie was staying in his Cage, no doubt knowing that the coast wasn¡¯t clear yet. A sound like thunder came from above, as black pods of sizes ranging from pick-up-truck to rich-guy-yacht started falling towards us from the enormous CPS Hive ship in the sky. The massive spotlight was glued to us, as I rolled the board in the direction of the Mall and its Safe Zone. I wasn¡¯t so much worried for my own sake, since I had the Respawn Death rule still active, but Bee just barely surviving the Red Pawn trap had made me want to put us in a position where I knew she¡¯d be safe, even if something happened to me. [KHAOTIC!] said the mouth at the front of my longboard, after I performed an ollie into a rail-grind along a guardrail that I skipped off to hit a nose-slide landing. I kept chaining trick-after-trick, in order to boost our speed, but as the first of the black pods hit the ground with a roaring boom, I knew I needed to go even faster. I unequipped my suit and gained a bit more speed, thanks to my BIRTHDAY_SUIT passive.
¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ x
Passive We¡¯re not meant to encourage this behavior, but, eh, well¡­ This Passive makes you jump further and run faster in inverse relation to how much clothes you¡¯re wearing. So, get in your speedos and tear up the race track!
¡°Crap, they really brought the whole army,¡± Panda remarked, as more of the concussive impacts of the pods sang out across the industrial area we were rapidly leaving behind. I looked back, just in time to see one of the massive pods strike the charred remains of the gas station, utterly obliterating it. I wondered what Breezy had to say about them being allowed to exert this much power to go after Players in the system, but there was no doubt some wonky loophole or whatever that enabled their behavior. An explosion of steam split the giant pod apart, revealing an enormous six-legged creature with a head bigger than my entire body and thick-looking carapace covering its back. It immediately locked in on us, but it just stared in our direction, while not moving. At least until a small figure who¡¯d been in the same pod gave it the go-ahead. In a single eager leap, it covered 100 yards. ¡°Holy shit,¡± I muttered. Bee shared the appraisal and I couldn¡¯t help but frown. I really wasn¡¯t a fan of police dogs.
Level 60 This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡®Sparkles¡¯ Collector x
¡°*Cute dog sounds*¡± Job: Collector Aphid-Dog Affiliation: Child Protective Services This is technically the pet of a Minor Collector Captain of the CPS. We say ¡®technically¡¯, because there¡¯s no sane world where a giant beast the size of a yacht can be anyone¡¯s pet. Fortunately for the Captains of the CPS who handle these creatures, they¡¯re extremely docile and obedient. Not towards you, of course. You look like a tennis ball with legs and this good boy is mighty excited about seeing if you squeak. He would like belly-scritches, but his owner says he¡¯s gotta catch you first.
I immediately got back to chaining tricks, while the floppy tail of my Lustful Loincloth waved in the air behind me. Bee also redirected the flow of her wings to push against me, adding to our speed. ¡°Thanks,¡± I said. ¡°Is it helping?¡± ¡°A little, but every bit counts right now, that thing is fast as fuck.¡± ¡°Your Ring is almost ready,¡± Panda announced. As though in response, a Benefactor Quest popped up in front of my eyes.
Benefactor Quest
This is a Quest given to you by your Benefactor. Failure to complete the Quest will result in a penalty of the Benefactor¡¯s choosing. Your next target has made itself obvious to you: the Hive Ship of the Child Protective Services. Your idea of shooting it out of the sky will not work, as it is protected from outside damage. It should also be worth noting that it carries all of Earth¡¯s children aboard it. There is only one Hive Ship, if you can free the children trapped onboard and destroy the vessel afterwards, you will be handsomely rewarded. In order to board it, you have to steal a Collector Captain¡¯s Transponder. Do not fear for the future of the children, the System will safeguard them, without exploiting them like the Queen of the CPS is doing. Schmaical Schmackson, Vice-President of TPGC
Reward: 3000x ¡®Game Coins¡¯, 3x ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯, & Benefactor Gift
¡°Shit.¡± ¡°What?¡± Bee asked. ¡°I can¡¯t destroy the ants¡¯ spaceship, it¡¯d kill literally all the children in the world. Except you.¡± ¡°That would be pretty bad,¡± she agreed. ¡°Wait, do you think I¡¯m the last Wayward Minor there is?¡± ¡°Pretty sure that¡¯d explain why they¡¯re throwing their whole army at us,¡± Panda replied. Boom! Another massive pod landed a hundred yards ahead of us and I had to quickly pick a new route to avoid ending up in its path. With a loud pop from an internal steam explosion, it shot open to reveal another giant Aphid-Dog and its Handler. ¡°Wait, that Ant guy is a Captain, right!?¡± ¡°His Aphid is named ¡®Whiskers¡¯,¡± Bee announced. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s important,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Oh, right, here:¡±
Level 60 ¡®#0000000968¡¯ Collector x
¡°Keep Wayward Minors safe. And my Aphid-Dog.¡± Job: Minor Collector Captain Affiliation: Child Protective Services This is a Minor Collector Captain of the Child Protective Services. A guy like this only shows up when there¡¯s a Registered Amoral Pervert who forgot to announce they¡¯re moving to a new area, though he might also be called in for particularly-evasive Wayward Minors. By himself, he¡¯s not so scary. To other Ants, this guy is the donut-eating variety of a Collector. The main difference between them though, is that he has a giant fucking dog that loves him and will do whatever he asks of it. He is intending on letting his Aphid-Dog play with you until you die.
¡°Let¡¯s kill him and his dog, get his Transponder, and then get to the Safe Zone at the Mall.¡± ¡°Good plan, except the Mall is 8 miles away,¡± Panda explained. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± I told him, and redirected us back towards the newly arrived giant insect. ¡°Your Ring is ready.¡± ¡°Awesome,¡± I said and started shadowboxing as fast as I could. ¡°Also, the other Aphid is about 20 seconds away from catching up to us.¡± ¡°I have an idea for how to kill the other one,¡± Bee said, ¡°But I need to borrow your Rebel¡¯s Ring.¡± I paused my boxing for a moment to pull it off my pinkie finger and give it to her, before resuming. ¡°They won¡¯t know what hit them.¡± ¡°Fak yiz!!¡± ¡°Well, they¡¯re not taking any chances,¡± Panda replied, looking up. I followed his gaze and saw three more giant Aphid-Dog pods and about two dozen smaller ones, all dropping out of the sky towards us. Chapter -126 Under normal circumstances, the friction of the longboard¡¯s plastic wheels and the asphalt would¡¯ve created enough heat to melt the wheels at the speed with which I was traveling, but fortunately the board utterly ignored physics. ¡°You¡¯re already past 70 punches built-up,¡± Panda said. I took that as my cue to stop shadowboxing and begin blowing air into the valve attached to Brock. Bee was still clinging to me, but she¡¯d take off as soon as I was fully buffed. ¡°Make sure not to go too far,¡± Panda told her, completely attuned to my thoughts in this moment. Behind us, the Aphid-Dog was about three leaps shy of landing on top of our heads, despite the fact that we were flying down the road. Ahead, the newly-arrived ¡®Whiskers¡¯ was patiently waiting like a roadblock. I pulled my mouth off of the valve. ¡°Go!¡± I yelled. ¡°Gamby, let¡¯s go nuclear on their arses!!¡± Bee released her grip on my shoulders and lifted into the air, curving right, while I continued heading directly for the Aphid. I clenched my right fist to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring, covering my arm in a black spiky carapace. Then I crouched down on the board, further accelerating my speed. The Captain, who was sitting atop the Aphid-Dog, seemed to realize he ought to move. But he was too slow, because by the time he issued the command to his pet, I was already soaring through the air after triggering SPRING_HEEL to shoot off from my board. My balloon gauntlet was pulled back, locked-and-loaded. With every split-second that passed, the Aphid-Dog grew as the distance shrunk, really making me appreciate just how enormous it was. In fact, if only counted for height, it was taller than the Metro Train. The massive spotlight that flooded the area with a harsh white glare was reflected off the black carapace covering its back and the plate protecting its head. It was clearly a bastardized offspring of real aphids and ants, because aphids didn¡¯t have mandibles nor that kind of carapace armor. ¡°Focus!¡± Panda yelled. Instinctively, I swung my arm out, booping the Aphid-Dog right on what might¡¯ve been its nose. ¡°Pow!¡± I shouted. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 77 Calculating 77 to the power of Punch ¡­ Calculations complete! A bright flash, like a new sun that existed for a single nanosecond, appeared at the point of impact. The giant spotlight was rendered dim by comparison to the awesome energy that fired from Brock. The sound was not so much a noise as it was the simple deafening of all other sounds. The Aphid-Dog and its Handler were turned to ash in an instant and the road in front of me became a bubbling boiling mess, with the guard-rails glowing white-hot and dripping globs of liquid metal. My momentum kept me flying forward towards this unpleasant landing, but Bee quickly swooped in to catch me, though it hadn¡¯t been part of the plan. ¡°That was amazing!¡± she yelled. ¡°We need the Transponder!¡± I told her, but our speed was still so great that it was hard to make a full 180 to go scoop up the wisp that appeared where the Aphid-Dog and Captain had been. ¡°Second dog coming in!¡± Panda said, just as the creature landed in front of the boiling bit of road with a loud boom! that lifted dirt and debris into the air. ¡°I¡¯m gonna use the Rebel¡¯s Ring to turn its armor into a bomb!¡± Bee explained, as she banked hard to turn us around, her wings clearly struggling since she was holding me and I now weighed five times more than normal due to my Silver Skeleton. In fact, we were clearly beginning to dip down towards the ground faster than we could turn. ¡°Drop me off here,¡± I told her and she immediately let me fall. I landed in some dry shrubbery off to the side of the road with enough power to crater the earth and pulverize its branches, then immediately re-equipped my Unicorn Suit. Bee picked up speed and shot straight for the Aphid-Dog in what looked like a suicide bombing run. The Captain was sitting behind the plate-covered head of the beast, indistinguishable from the other ants we¡¯d encountered, except for a black baseball cap that had a pink heart on it with the name ¡®Sparkles¡¯ inside. When he spotted Bee¡¯s approach, he put his right hand on his stinger and pulled out an orange-glowing lasso that he immediately snapped in her direction. I picked up a rock and finger-flicked it right at his forehead, making his head snap back and knocking off his cap, as well as throwing off his aim. Bee maneuvered just slightly to get around him, before tapping the top of the Aphid-Dog¡¯s back carapace with the Rebel¡¯s Ring and ducking off to the side. ¡°My Soul Blade is ready, right?¡± ¡°It is,¡± Panda confirmed. I started blowing air into Brock¡¯s valve, while watching the Captain frantically retrieve his baseball cap and direct his pet to follow after Bee, who was buzzing around in a confusing zigzag pattern. As soon as the balloon gauntlet was fully-charged, I started sprinting after the giant insect, which, in its eagerness to catch Bee, was exposing its back to me. They clearly wanted to catch her more than they cared about killing me, at least for the moment. Then its carapace began to glow red and start to blink. Neither Aphid nor Handler noticed until the blinking became so rapid that it was impossible to ignore. Just as the giant insect stopped moving to figure out what was going on, the entire back carapace exploded outward in a shower of shrapnel. I immediately ducked down and Bee, still in the air, activated her Beetle Barrier with what little Mana she had managed to recoup. The sound of thousands of small fragments plinked and crashed across the nearby road and the shrubbery-covered dirt area next to it, sounding like a storm of gunfire. As soon as it was over, I jumped back to my feet and pulled out my Soul Blade, which was once more a purple gummy trident. The Aphid-Dog was lying flat on its stomach, not dead but definitely incapacitated, while smoke and steam billowed from the exposed semi-transparent jellied flesh that the carapace had been protecting. The Captain was just a pair of legs clamped onto the beast¡¯s neck, the rest of his body erased by his close proximity to the explosion. While striding towards the downed Aphid, I lifted the Soul Blade above my head and charged it to full. Then I leapt off the ground using SPRING_HEEL and jabbed it straight into the exposed flesh. The damage was enough to explode a hole all the way through the giant insect, killing it instantly. As I landed atop its remains, Bee returned to my side, immediately pulling out the Litany and beginning to recoup her Mana. ¡°What are you doing? We¡¯ve gotta grab the Transponder and go!¡± I told her. She didn¡¯t even have to explain herself, as three loud booms resounded across the area from the new giant Aphid-Dog pods that¡¯d just landed. ¡°We can¡¯t outrun them,¡± she said. ¡°You can¡¯t defeat them either,¡± Panda added. ¡°Not like this anyway. They have countless more soldiers to send!¡± To highlight his point, the sound of thunder from above revealed many more pods heading down towards us. The smaller pods that¡¯d already landed and the Ant soldiers they had deposited were also close to catching up to us, though they were on foot and nowhere near as fast as the Aphid-Dogs. ¡°Alright, different plan then,¡± I said. WARNING! Child Protective Services have sent a Minor Warden to pacify the Amoral Pervert guarding a Wayward Minor in distress. All other Players should vacate the landing zone. ¡°What does that mean?¡± ¡°Nothing good,¡± Panda guessed. Bee handed me back the Rebel¡¯s Ring, as well as something else I¡¯d completely forgotten about. I looked at the blue orb in my hand:
SAFE ZONE SPHERE
An object capable of transforming almost any place into a Safe Zone. The duration of the Creation Event is based on the area chosen to be transformed. During the Event, Enemies and Bosses within and near the area will be attracted to the Sphere, seeking to destroy it. Status: INACTIVE
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Why are you giving me this?¡± ¡°Because I know what your plan is,¡± she replied. I grinned and said, ¡°I need a Bus.¡± ¡°Ah damn it, you couple of morons,¡± Panda complained. REQUEST RECEIVED! Your current location has been added to the route of the nearest ¡®Bus¡¯. Please wait patiently for it to arrive. I threw the Sphere into my inventory and slid down the side of the Aphid-Dog¡¯s body to where the wisp from the Collector Captain hovered above his half-missing corpse. Leftovers of Minor Collector Captain ¡®#0000000968¡¯: 200x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯ If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡®I-Love-Sparkles Cap¡¯ ¡°Wait, where the hell is the Transponder?¡± I asked, scooping up the meagre rewards. A sudden impact from something like a missile traveling at the speed of a lightning bolt struck the ground with enough force to make me stumble. From the massive crater forty yards away from us, stood a neon-orange pod shaped like a spike. I heard the sound of Bee snapping shut her Litany, before she slid down to join me. She was looking at the pod as well, clearly ready to appraise whatever emerged from within. There was no explosion or steam or anything, just a flicker of lightning before the panels of the pod fell down to reveal a single imposingly-tall figure. It looked like a mix between a Mantis and an Ant, with the head a triangular shape, four arms with folded-up scythe limbs, a relatively-small torso, four super-long legs, and a long gaster full of neon-orange fluid that almost looked like a tail. Its 16-foot-tall body was incandescent-blue, but its compound eyes glowed with the same energy as its gaster.
Level 80 ¡®#0000000012¡¯ Warden x
¡°For my Queen, I will do whatever it takes.¡± Job: Minor Warden Affiliation: Child Protective Services Maybe you¡¯ve picked up on the fact that: the stronger the Ants of the Child Protective Services get, the lower their number is. #12 is obviously pretty high up there, and she¡¯s a wielder of some truly powerful magic. Normally, the Minor Wardens are in charge of the children aboard the Hive Ship, but it¡¯s clear that they aren¡¯t taking any chances with you, since you¡¯ve managed to kill two Aphid-Dogs and their Captains. Most of us who were betting on your death weren¡¯t expecting it to arrive in this form, but one guy in the office got lucky and is now doing a happy dance in his underwear. Anyway, you¡¯re fucked. She intends to destroy you and capture the Wayward Minor.
The Minor Warden lifted one of its scythe limbs and a bolt of orange energy shot across the ground towards us. I immediately grabbed Bee and shot us into the air with SPRING_HEEL, just as the spell hit the side of the dead Aphid-Dog and surrounded it in a lattice of energy, like a magical cage. I let go of Bee so she could stay in the air, while I dropped back down to the ground. As soon as I landed, I sprinted straight for the Warden. ¡°Bee just got an emergency gift from her Benefactor,¡± Panda told me, somehow able to keep track of what both of us were doing. ¡°I think it¡¯s to refill her Mana.¡± ¡°Awesome,¡± I said, then dropped into a crouch to spring forward and over a wave of cutting orange energy shot my way. The three new Aphid-Dogs in the distance were forming a perimeter around the Warden and us, but clearly giving their magic-wielding superior some space. A lattice barrier of orange energy sprang from the Warden¡¯s hand and right into my path, but something sharp producing a shhhh sound cut through the air ahead of me to slice it in half. I recognized it as Bee¡¯s Killing Thread. I flew past the severed barrier, and before the Warden could make another, I was close enough to strike her with my fist. ¡°Punch.spinTheWh¡ª!¡± ¡°Mute.¡± Warning! Your ability has been muted! Time remaining: 59,982,763 ¦Ìs My fist struck the Warden with hardly any power, not even managing to budge her torso. Before I could begin to fall back down to the ground, all four of the scythe limbs slashed out with neon-orange energy suffusing them and no doubt making them deadlier. My Reflective Shell managed to bounce back the damage from two of them, due to some insane luck, while the other struck me hard enough to burn through my Unicorn Suit and carve deep gouges in my right side. I was sent backwards with so much force that when I hit the ground, I skipped like a stone on water. ¡°It¡¯s only 56 more seconds before you can use it again!¡± Panda told me. Bee yelled something and immediately went on the offensive, slashing with the Killing Thread and clearly burning through her Mana recklessly. The Warden was taking quite a lot of superficial damage from her attacks, mostly because she seemed incapable of defending herself against them. Two smoldering gouges were also visible from where her scythes¡¯ damage had been reflected into her body. After a moment of indecisiveness, the Warden formed a lattice between her four limbs and sent it straight at Bee, catching her like a fly in a trap and surrounding her in a sphere that was impossible for her to escape. I aimed a middle-finger at the bastard, while blood bubbled out from my torso. ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± The prison surrounding Bee disappeared, but in response the Warden immediately leapt forward to snatch her by her throat, before leashing a glowing rope of magical energy around the Moth Magician. Bee was tossed back towards one of the Aphid-Dogs, whose Captain caught her with his own neon-orange whip and immediately started leaving the area. I pushed myself up, only to be seized by a scalding energy rope that coiled itself around my neck. ¡°BEE!!¡± I screamed and pulled on the rope hard enough to make the Warden stumble forward. ¡°Use the Claymore!¡± Panda shouted into my ear. ¡°Crimson Claymore!¡± A crackling claymore of red energy appeared in my right hand, making my entire hand tingle. ¡°Let¡¯s get ¡®em!!¡± Brock squealed. I spun around and slashed through the leash around my neck, feeling no resistance in the blade. Then I used SPRING_HEEL to close the distance to the Warden, who raised a lattice barrier in front of herself again. With a single swing, the barrier fell away and I landed against the Warden¡¯s torso. With a full spin of my body, I sliced the sword through her torso and head, instantly killing her. Then I launched off from her falling body and into the air as high as I could go, before targeting Bee in the distance and saying, ¡°Rootkit!¡± Rootkit initiating! ... ¡­Evading firewall... ... ¡­Generating backdoor... ... ¡­Playing ¡®im_in.mp3¡¯ through speakers¡­ ... Success! Rootkit installed on Player Target: ¡®Bee¡¯ I immediately followed it up with, ¡°Rootkit.infiltrate( )!¡± My body felt like it was pulled through a very small opening, before I appeared right beside Bee, who was carried in the arms of a Captain. I immediately sliced through her neon-orange bonds, before cutting through the Captain and the head of the Aphid he was sitting atop. WARNING! Child Protective Services have sent a second Minor Warden to pacify the Amoral Pervert guarding a Wayward Minor in distress. All other Players should vacate the landing zone. ¡°Fuck! They just keep coming!¡± I yelled. Bee unfurled her wings and shook herself. ¡°Where is the Humanbus?¡± ¡°Wait, I see people!¡± Panda announced, pointing at a group of Players fighting with the outer fringes of the Ants. I couldn¡¯t tell who they were at first, but then I saw the yellow raincoat belonging to Matthew Twine. ¡°Ah, fuck¡­¡± Something akin to a meteor struck the area nearby, crushing several Ants that were charging for us, and quickly opening up to reveal another Minor Warden, along with a bulky 20-foot-tall Ant wielding an enormous shield. Bee shared the appraisal for this new enemy:
Level 90 ¡®#0000000005¡¯ Queenguard x
¡°Protect the Queen, protect the Hive.¡± Job: Queenguard Affiliation: Child Protective Services Welp, you did it, you made the Child Protective Services really mad. Good job. This guy isn¡¯t even meant to leave the Queen¡¯s throne room, but they sent him in, which means they¡¯re done playing. This is the equivalent of throwing a nuke at a neighboring farm because the owner stole your sheep. I.e., you¡¯re so mega-fucked you don¡¯t even know it. He is glad to be allowed free rein to use his powers.
¡°This will literally never end¡­¡± I groaned. ¡°Not until we deal with the CPS, I don¡¯t think,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Your Spin the Wheel is ready by the way.¡± [NEXT STOP: MY TUMMY, YUMMY-YUMMY!] ¡°It¡¯s here!¡± Bee yelled excitedly, as the Humanbus began mowing through the army of Ants on the opposite side from the Players following Twine. The Queenguard raised his giant shield and it became entirely covered in the neon-orange energy. At the same time, the Warden moved straight towards Bee and me. ¡°Fly towards the Players!¡± I told Bee, while I moved to intercept the Warden, since my powerful Claymore was still active. With a loud gong, the Queenguard hammered his shield into the ground and fired off a bright laser beam aimed in the direction of the Humanbus that was working its way through the crowd towards us. It was bright enough to make it seem like a sunlit day for a few seconds. Twenty of the Ants on foot were instantly vaporized, and the Humanbus was reduced to a melting snake of metal and flesh. ¡°Holy shit.¡± The Queenguard lifted its shield again, this time aiming towards us. Bee had already created some distance, but I changed targets from the Warden to the Guard, since he was clearly the bigger threat. As I skidded through the legs of the lanky Warden, she tried to leash me with her energy ropes, and when that failed, she launched her lattice prison. It started forming around me, but I carved my way through and continued moving. ¡°This sword is amazing!¡± I yelled, as I came near the Queenguard. ¡°Only 8 seconds left on its duration!¡± Panda told me. I leapt from the dirt and did an upward slash of the blade against the giant shield, catching it at the bottom and carving a channel through it as I landed on its side. The building energy started scalding and burning my Schmonic Boots, but I ran up the side of its porous volcanic-rock-like surface, while dragging the claymore behind me. The rend at the bottom of the shield was starting to cause problems in integrity of its potent magic, as the untamed energy that was steadily growing was starting to arc against the ground like bolts of lightning, one of which even struck a nearby Ant and reduced him to cinders. As I reached the top and finished the cut through the shield, I leapt off towards his head, the claymore lifted above me and ready to strike. Then the red energy fizzed out and the ability ended. ¡°Shi¡ª!¡± The Queenguard seized me in his enormous left fist and started squeezing so hard that my body began to pop and crack. A second later his shield exploded and knocked him onto his back, releasing me from his hand and flinging me away. I struck the ground hard enough to break a few ribs. ¡°Gah!¡± I groaned in pain. ¡°That smarts!¡± ¡°You¡¯re at 48.77% health,¡± Panda told me. ¡°You¡¯ve got to get up though, Bee is about to be caught by the Warden.¡± I had no idea how he could tell that from here, but I pushed myself up, feeling my broken bones grind against each other in protest. ¡°Rootkit.infiltrate( ),¡± I said, knowing that Bee was still the target for the ability. ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 14,166,989,612 ¦Ìs ¡°Crap. Well, guess it¡¯s time to finally use it.¡± ¡°Just do it, hurry!¡± ¡°Time Save.¡± TIME SAVE TRIGGERED! All cooldowns have been reset. ¡°Fuck yeah,¡± I said with a grin, before repeating the ability. ¡°Rootkit.infiltrate( ).¡± I experienced the same feeling of being pulled through a narrow hole, before I popped up into the air next to Bee and immediately started falling. A cord of neon-orange energy caught me around the waist and whipped me into the ground, where I landed atop two Ant soldiers who were heading towards the new Players that¡¯d arrived. My body was already pretty broken, and even though they cushioned my fall, it flared up all the injuries at once. Before I could try to move, a lattice prison surrounded me. I lifted my finger towards the towering Warden. ¡°.inter¡ª!¡± ¡°Mute.¡± Warning! Your ability has been muted! Time remaining: 59,896,821 ¦Ìs ¡°You bitch!¡± I yelled. Meanwhile, the lattice was shrinking around me. Bee, realizing that I¡¯d come to help her, immediately spun around in the air and tried to free me with her Killing Thread. ¡°No, Bee! Keep going!¡± Panda yelled at her. ¡°Crimson Claymore!¡± I exclaimed, pushing against the pain and confining energy prison to lash out with a slash of the red weapon that materialized in my hand. As I cut through the neon-orange spell, Bee was caught in a web of energy for a second time. I was just about to leap from the ground to free her and kill the Warden with my Claymore, when a voice rang out from nearby. I only just barely managed to turn to see Matthew Twine in the air, holding on to Steve, when I realized what he¡¯d said. ¡°Steve Says: Everybody freeze!¡± ¡°You, motherfucker!¡± I yelled, as my entire body became unable to move. All the Ants around me, the Aphid-Dogs, and even Matthew Twine who was holding the Birthday Brat in the air, stopped moving. Since the last two were mid-air, they quickly started falling. The Minor Warden and the Queenguard, as well as the nearby Collector Captains, and of course Bee, were unaffected. I could just barely glance to the side as the Warden whipped her scythes out to cast a spell. I heard Bee yell something. Then a scalding heat touched against the side of my neck, before continuing all the way through, clearly decapitating me. GAME OVER! You have died. Please wait for scheduled resurrection by SKILL TRIGGER! Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once) respawned you back at the beginning! Chapter -127 I gasped as I appeared in front of a window in a deeply-familiar room. There were bars covering the outside of the thick tempered glass, and light from the moon shone through to illuminate the white walls. ¡°Fuuuuck!!!¡± I yelled, slamming my forehead into the glass hard enough to crack it. ¡°I¡¯m going to tear Steve¡¯s fucking spine out of his body and beat him to death with it!!!¡± A bunch of pop-ups hit me all at once:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Animal Cruelty¡¯ Killed a cute innocent Aphid-Dog.
You monster! Everybody loves those giant cuddly bug boys! Have you any idea how much Aphid-Dog merch we sell?? The fact that you killed two of them has really upset a lot of our viewers! Maybe you didn¡¯t realize, but the Aphid-Dogs don¡¯t even partake in fighting. You basically killed the equivalent of a giant Golden Retriever! Twice!!
Reward: A strongly-worded sanction from the Aphid-Dog Appreciation Society
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®CPS¡¯ Most Wanted Pervert¡¯ Defeated a Minor Warden.
There are really only two stations higher than Minor Warden, and those are Queenguard and the Hive Queen herself. Each Warden oversees tens of millions of Minors aboard the Hive Ship, and the loss of a single one really creates a logistical nightmare for them. They¡¯re also not expected to ever lose to a Player, let alone even encounter them, so you really made them mad. We¡¯ve seen dozens of GREAT GAMES play out, but never before has a Player started beef with the CPS, as they¡¯re considered a positive Agency when compared to the rest. After all, they take care of your world¡¯s children, why would you have a problem with that?
Reward: ¡®Warden Juice¡¯
¡®Warden Juice¡¯ x
A glass jug of crackling neon-orange liquid that, when imbibed, bestows a fragment of a Minor Warden¡¯s power on you.
Weight: 1 Panda
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Return to Checkpoint¡¯ Died and Respawned.
I believe we told you to stay dead, but you must be hard of hearing it seems. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. Unfortunately for you, this type of ¡®survive death¡¯ is much worse than normal resurrection, as you¡¯ve been sent back to your last ¡®checkpoint¡¯, i.e., your location when the GREAT GAME started. Have fun finding your stuff, because none of it was respawned with you, and is instead left behind wherever your body was dumped following your death. You¡¯ll need these.
Reward: ¡®Clean Pajamas¡¯
¡®Clean Pajamas¡¯ x
A pair of soft calming-blue pajamas.
Weight: 5 Pandas
A glass jug and blue pajamas landed in my arms, and, as I caught up with the last achievement, I realized that I was utterly naked. ¡°Inventory!¡± I said, desperately. Gambit¡¯s Inventory x --- ????, unFake Plugin --- GAME Coins: 0 Safe Zone Tokens: 0 Total Weight: 6.1115 Pandas ¡°Fuck, fuck, fuck!!¡± I lifted my right hand and breathed a sigh of relief to see that Brock was still there, although it raised some uncomfortable questions I wasn¡¯t ready to prod at right now. ¡°You ¡®n me foreva, right Gamby!?¡± ¡°Sure, Brock.¡± A wet pop sounded from the middle of the room and Pandamonium appeared on the floor between me and the heavy cell door left wide open. ¡°Gambit! We have to go back! We have to save Bee! Since you respawned, all your abilities are off cooldown!¡± I immediately put the pajamas on and lifted him onto my shoulder. The ¡®Gambit the Moron¡¯ nametag was slapped onto the right side of the shirt. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s do this: Rootkit.infiltrate( )!¡± ERROR! No target selected. ¡°Goddamnit!¡± ¡°We¡¯ll have to run back.¡± ¡°I know, I know. I¡¯m going!¡± I stormed out of the cell, before coming face-to-face with Not-Mike. With a quick jab, I pulverized his head with my balloon gauntlet, then looked around for the way out of the cell block. ¡°The layout has changed,¡± Panda observed. ¡°We don¡¯t have time for this,¡± I complained. ¡°Dungeon-Break!¡± ACTIVATING DUNGEON MAP Total Player number: 3 Nearest Player: 17 yards Total Enemy number: 23 Nearest Enemy: 3 yards Nearest Boss: 80 yards Nearest Exit: 80 yards A map popped up, showing a dungeon layout that looked like a snail¡¯s shell seen from the side, with the Boss and Exit in the middle, and red dots all across marking the enemies, as well as two golden dots in a nearby corridor. I was surprised that there were Players in this place, but it didn¡¯t stop me from immediately clicking the ¡®Eject All Players & Enemies¡¯ button.
Ability Confirmation Required
You are about to utilize your Dungeon-Break ability to eject all Players and Enemies from the Dungeon, yourself included. All Players, Enemies, and Bosses will be ejected out through the entrance to the Dungeon. The moment you accept, everyone will be ejected. Are you certain you wish to proceed?
YES ¡ª¡ª¡ª NO
I clicked ¡®Yes¡¯ and immediately felt a falling sensation, before my vision went black. I landed on hard asphalt and my Transition Lenses passive immediately kicked in. The sound of two Players talking in agitated voices was quickly deafened by the roar of the monsters that¡¯d been ejected alongside us. Only fifteen yards away was a shimmering tear in the air and I felt how it pulled weakly on my hair, as though wanting me to enter. I¡¯d forgotten that this thing was here. ¡°Best to avoid that,¡± Panda warned me. ¡°I know!¡± I replied angrily, then summoned my longboard. I took off in the direction of where our battle had taken place, making sure to give the portal to the level 99 dungeon a wide berth. The two Players behind me immediately started running, when the former asylum patients and orderlies noticed them. As the eager monsters chased after them, some of them got too close to the dungeon rift and were immediately sucked in. Dr. Juliens, the Psychiatrist and boss of the asylum, looked around briefly before walking in the direction of downtown. One look at the sky already told me it was too late, since the Hive Ship was gone, but I was trying to convince myself that Bee might be waiting next to my body, with Steve and Matthew Twine somehow having been able to repel the Ants. Chapter -128 I sped through the streets that lay between Calm Springs Asylum and the industrial area where I¡¯d died, throwing caution to the wind and doing everything I could to increase the speed of my longboard. While I slid along the fa?ade of an apartment block only a few streets away from the kindergarten where I¡¯d first met Bee, Panda told me to activate my Rules of Anarchy, since the Respawn was used up. All my other cooldowns had reset, but there was nothing that could take me there any faster. ¡°If only I hadn¡¯t gotten rid of Backdoor,¡± I grumbled, as I landed on the asphalt and shot ahead with a new burst of speed. [SEE YOU LATER, CROCODILE!] The longboard disappeared below me and I slipped forward, hitting my chin against the rough pavement and sliding along it for several yards before coming to a stop. ¡°Argh! Fucking shitty board always runs out when I need it!¡± The skin on my chin was worn away and I could feel my cold silver skeleton, when I touched the injury with a finger. ¡°I¡¯m gonna burn my Time Save,¡± I said. ¡°Don¡¯t be an idiot,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°I told you, use the Rules of Anarchy. I think the Commuter Pass can get you there faster than running.¡± ¡°Oh, right¡­ Rules of Anarchy(Commuter Pass).¡± Rules of Anarchy Activated! Passive Selected: Commuter Pass Description: Public Transport will function as normal for you. ¡°Okay, I can work with this,¡± I said. ¡°I need a Bus!¡± REQUEST RECEIVED! Your current location has been added to the route of the nearest ¡®Bus¡¯. Please wait patiently for it to arrive. I put my pajamas back on and started blowing air into Brock, just in case the Pass didn¡¯t work like I thought. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t a Taxi have been better?¡± ¡°The Bus will protect me better than a Taxi,¡± I replied. ¡°Yeah, but it¡¯s operating as ¡®normal¡¯ right, so do you really have a say in where it goes? Also, that Queenguard one-shot the last one you summoned.¡± [YUMMY-YUMMY: A PASSENGER FOR MY TUMMY!] ¡°We¡¯re gonna find out,¡± I said, as the sound of tearing and protesting metal announced the arrival of the Humanbus in the distance. For the next minute, I could track its progress towards me by the sounds of all the cars and obstacles it shoved aside or destroyed. Then suddenly it was just there at the end of the street, the massive hubcap-sized eyes shining its intense glow at me, while the mouth beneath salivated, and handprints pressed against the window above. A release of air and steam came from a door in the side of its ¡®head¡¯ and I slowly approached it. ¡°Can you take me to the industrial area near the highway? There should be a gas station and grill in the area.¡± [YUMMY-YUMMY: A PASS-HOLDER GETS TO DECIDE! NOW GET IN MY TUMMY!] ¡°Pretty sure that¡¯s your head,¡± I replied, before placing my foot on the raised step in the doorway and using one of the hand-bars to pull myself up and inside. Before I could change my mind, the doors slammed shut behind me. Directly next to where I¡¯d entered was the place for the driver, but that whole part of the interior was reserved for an enormous pink brain. Gloopy synapse arms connected to the rest of the interior like wires that crawled along the floor and ceiling. [HAVE A SEAT!] [ESTIMATED TIME UNTIL ARRIVAL: 15 MINUTES!] [SIT BACK AND RELAX!] I found an available seat, though many were already occupied by expressionless ghosts. The upholstery was clearly made from skin and there were ugly stitches criss-crossing the cushions and backrests, with small clumps of hair sticking out here-and-there. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°Ugh.¡± I sat down and, to my surprise, it was actually rather comfortable. Then the whole interior lurched as the Humanbus coiled into a U-turn and began blazing down the street towards my destination, its countless feet pushing it to speeds that surpassed what even my longboard was capable of. ¡°Brock forgot to say, but he is now level 9.¡± I looked at the balloon gauntlet. ¡°Really? That was fast. Did the level-up requirements change?¡± I wondered, inspecting him.
¡®Brock¡¯ x
A purple balloon gauntlet that makes a noise when it hits something. Any punch with this glove has quadruple the impact damage and impacts twice. Doubled throwing speed and more accurate throws. Creates powerful blasts of wind when punching the air. Builds up static over time that is released upon the next attack. Can be inflated using attacks to drain a lot of air from targets, or by blowing into the valve in the wrist, in order to increase damage up to quadruple its normal value for the next attack. While this weapon is equipped, Purple Ultra is enabled. Level: 9 World Boss Kills remaining until next Evolution: 3
Weight: 2.592 Pandas
¡°It¡¯s World Boss kills required now, huh? That shouldn¡¯t be so hard to achieve.¡± The level 9 upgrade window immediately appeared:
Brock ¡ª Level 9 Pick one of the following level-up skills:
Anti-Heal Targets hit with Brock become unable to regenerate their injuries for 10 minutes. Infection Targets hit with Brock rapidly lose health for the next 20 seconds. Repeated applications stacks duration up to 10 times. Eye-Opener Targets hit with Brock receive +5% to their Insanity Gauge. Only affects Players.
¡°They¡¯re all related to the Purple curse,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I thought it already had the Infection effect?¡± ¡°Pretty sure that went away thanks to the All-Mother¡¯s Pearnana counter-curse.¡± ¡°At any rate, I¡¯m picking Anti-Heal,¡± I said. The plushie nodded in agreement. ¡°Good choice.¡± I pulled out the Warden Juice I¡¯d gotten from the achievement earlier and unscrewed the thin metal lid on the glass jug, before chugging the ¡®juice¡¯ within. Electrical zaps hit me as it ran down my gullet and into my stomach. I was fairly sure that, without my Purple curse, it would¡¯ve tasted like battery acid, but instead it was just like a subtle note of eggplant, which was somehow worse.
Choose your reward! x
You¡¯re going to regret drinking this in about 40 minutes, as Warden Juice is an extremely-powerful laxative. Basically, you¡¯ll feel as though you¡¯re being exorcised from the inside-out. Until then, here¡¯s three new Skills to pick between. Hope it was worth it!
Pick one of the options: ¡®Zap¡¯ | ¡®Energy Lattice Prison¡¯ | ¡®Energy Leash¡¯
¡®Zap¡¯ x
Ability Sometimes it¡¯s a little tingle and other times it¡¯ll strip the skin off your body. All your Abilities not currently on cooldown are put on cooldown for 10 minutes. Zap a target for damage equal to (Number of Passives) to the power of (Abilities placed on Cooldown).
¡®Energy Lattice Prison¡¯ x
Ability Like a portable jail cell that also executes its prisoner. Fire off a homing energy charge that, on impact, creates a Lattice Prison of scalding energy to trap a target. The Prison shrinks until its duration expires. Duration: 30 seconds Cooldown: 15 minutes
¡®Energy Leash¡¯ x
Ability Minor Wardens are really into bondage it seems, which raises some very uncomfortable questions about how they keep their prisoners in line¡­ Manifests a rope of energy that will coil itself around anything it hits and can be released again with a thought. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 10 minutes
¡°Zap is really powerful, right?¡± ¡°Powerful but also debilitating,¡± Panda said. ¡°Currently, its maximum potential power would be 1416, which seems just on the cusp of what the Adjudicator will have to deal with, but the issue is that if it fails to kill your target, you¡¯ve voluntarily locked yourself out of all your abilities¡­¡± ¡°The other two options sound lame,¡± I muttered. ¡°They¡¯re good utility. The Prison would especially come in handy.¡± ¡°I¡¯m still picking Zap. I¡¯ll just have to find Shellby and buy her Sea Urchin to turn it into something less detrimental.¡± Panda frowned, but then nodded. ¡°Fine.¡± [YUMMY-YUMMY: OUR DESTINATION IS COMING UP ON THE LEFT! PREPARE TO EVACUATE MY TUMMY!]
Chapter -129 will be delayed until November 28th. I am taking a brief (and much needed) vacation to Barcelona for a few days. Apologies for the inconvenience. Chapter -129 The Humanbus stopped right next to the charred husk of the gas station I¡¯d blown up. From the windows, I could see the black pond that my Spin the Wheel had created. ¡°Is it me or has that gotten bigger?¡± I asked, as I walked to the front of the bus where the large brain filled the driver seat. ¡°It¡¯s not just you.¡± [THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING YOUR LOCAL BUS SERVICE!] I reached over and dug my fist into the brain, before pulling as hard as I could. [OUCHIE!] The entire Humanbus started to rumble and the ghostly passengers all got up and flew towards the brain I¡¯d destroyed, filling it up from within. I immediately dove out of the door and tumbled head-over-heels a few times, before the entire bus just exploded, filling the area with light. Chunks of flesh rained down around me, along with fragments of the metallic parts of the vehicle. Rules of Anarchy Deactivated! Passive Deselected: Commuter Pass Description: Public Transport will function as normal for you. Rule Violation: Used your Commuter Pass to damage a Public Transport vehicle. ¡°Woops.¡± ¡°Sure seems very strict for something based on ¡®Anarchy¡¯,¡± Panda joked. ¡°Can I switch to another Rule?¡± ¡°Not yet, there¡¯s still about 40 minutes left.¡± ¡°I thought you wanted to use the Safe Zone Sphere on the Humanbus,¡± Panda commented, dusting himself off despite the fact that he was already spotless. ¡°I¡¯ll just call another one,¡± I said, right as an achievement appeared.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Bus Ride Breaker¡¯ Completed a Humanbus puzzle game.
Wait, that¡¯s the wrong reward! You clearly didn¡¯t even take part in the puzzle! Bah, whatever. This marks the end of the Humanbusses in Castleburg. Congratulations... You¡¯re responsible for the two roaming the city being taken down. I hope you¡¯re proud of yourself. That¡¯s right, no more Humanbusses! As a result of their routes being abandoned, the Metro Train has grown stronger and now patrols a larger part of the city. This is what happens when you create a vacuum in the ecosystem of the GREAT GAME.
Reward: ¡®Humanbus Brain¡¯ & 80x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
¡®Humanbus Brain¡¯ x
The brain of a Humanbus that you didn¡¯t defeat by completing its Puzzle Game. An ember of sentience still swims around within this pink ball of flesh. In order to access the power trapped within, you have to give it a name and kiss it on its forehead.
Weight: 1 Panda This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
A large pumpkin-sized gooey ball of pink flappy flesh landed in my arms. ¡°¡­or not,¡± I muttered, sticking the reward in my inventory for now. ¡°There might still be a Humanbus or two in Madeville, since it didn¡¯t say the entire Region, just Castleburg.¡± ¡°Ugh, I don¡¯t wanna go there,¡± I replied, as I got back to my feet. ¡°Is Skater Boy ready?¡± ¡°Still on cooldown. About 5 minutes remaining.¡± ¡°Guess I¡¯ll run,¡± I said and started sprinting towards where the remains of my fight with the Ants were visible in the distance. The area was cratered from the various landing pods, which were still firmly planted into the ground like the seeds from a gigantic tree. With the damaged road nearby, the destroyed gas station behind me, and the ruin brought to what had once been a hilly bit of shrubbery and grass, it looked like a scene from a war documentary. Though the Aphid-Dogs, Minor Warden, and Queenguard were all gone, there were a group of Ants standing near where I¡¯d died. Above them hovered a desk lamp, casting its warm light in a circle around them. I frowned, but prepared to blast them away with Brock, who was still fully charged from earlier. ¡°Where¡¯s Bee!¡± I yelled as I ran directly at them. ¡°Amoral Pervert detected!¡± said the Ants as one, lifting their spears. ¡°Don¡¯t move!¡± I heard a human voice yell, before the Ants parted to let him out of the circle they formed. ¡°Gambit! Is that you!?¡± As I saw the smooth bald head and Hawaiian shirt, I gritted my teeth so hard I was sure my jaw would break. ¡°STEVE!¡± I crouched down to activate SPRING_HEEL, then launched forward with my fist cocked back. His eyes widened in fear, before he shouted: ¡°Steve says: You have to be my friend!¡± The tension went out of my arm and I ended up just landing on my feet and skidding to a halt in front of him. ¡°I WIILL FUCKING KILL YOU!¡± I shouted right into his face, though I was physically unable to move in any hostile manner towards him. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Gambit! I really didn¡¯t mean to get you killed!¡± ¡°Fuck you!¡± I yelled. ¡°Where is Bee!?¡± ¡°The Moth girl? The big orange-glowing creature took her onto some kind of pod with a chain leading back to the ship in the sky. They were pulled up there and then the whole thing just disappeared.¡± ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± I cursed. ¡°This is all your fault!¡± ¡°I said I¡¯m sorry!¡± ¡°He might be telling the truth,¡± Panda said, trying to calm me down, though I wasn¡¯t having any of that bullshit. ¡°As soon as this power wears off, I¡¯m going to tear out your tongue and slap you to death with it!¡± ¡°Gambit please! You have to believe me! Look, I even saved your items for you!¡± he pleaded, pointing to the group of Ants. With a roar of impotent frustration, I marched towards them, punching one so hard he was sent ragdolling across the terrain. ¡°Tell the rest of them to run towards the black pond next to the gas station,¡± I said to Steve. I put my fingers in my ears as he gave the command, and the Minor Collectors all moved back the way I¡¯d come, following his orders. Then I saw what they¡¯d been guarding. ¡°Why does it look like that? What did you do?¡± I asked, looking down at my corpse. The head was missing and it looked like all the stuffing inside the body was gone. ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything! After you died, this golden portal appeared and a bunch of Imps came out to ¡®repossess¡¯ your skeleton.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± ¡°I kind of thought that part of the Passive was a joke,¡± Panda said. I rapped my left knuckle on my forehead, producing a sound of metal-on-metal. ¡°Well, I still have the passive at least, but that¡¯s a strange caveat.¡± Above my corpse was a gold-glowing wisp. I turned to look back at Steve, who was keeping his distance. ¡°Did you take anything?¡± ¡°No, I didn¡¯t take anything!¡± I sighed loudly, before saying, ¡°I should kill you for what you did, but thanks for protecting my items.¡± ¡°Matthew Twine did manage to take something,¡± he then said. ¡°Motherfucker!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what it was, but he fled as soon as I got close.¡± I stuck my hand into the Leftover Wisp and looted everything in quick succession. As far as I could tell, everything was still there, even the Coins. After equipping my Unicorn Suit, Schmonic Boots, Loincloth, Manhunter¡¯s Badge, and rings, Lordie appeared on my head. The Transport Cage was back in my front coat pocket. ¡°Meow!¡± he complained ¡°Just be happy you didn¡¯t die,¡± I told him. I brought up my inventory to assess the damage. Gambit¡¯s Inventory x --- ????, unFake Plugin, Looking Glass, Conspiracy Whistle, Wet Grey Pajamas, Screwdriver, Pocket-Watch, Survival Kit, 6x Victory Champagne, Swan Fois Gras, Challenger¡¯s Stopwatch, Paper Crown, Cultist Robes, Soul Compass, Sewer Map, Floor 13 Keycard, Regional Director¡¯s Big Red Button, Safe Zone Sphere, I-Love-Sparkles Cap, Clean Pajamas, Humanbus Brain --- GAME Coins: 2638.01 Safe Zone Tokens: 5 Lucky Dice: 1 Total Weight: 303.9215 Pandas ¡°Hmm, I have no idea what¡¯s missing.¡± ¡°The Red Pawn and the Anointed Masks,¡± Panda said. ¡°Thieving bastard!¡± I tapped my Manhunter¡¯s Badge, feeling it vaguely nudging me upwards. I looked the way it was pointing, but there was nothing there but the night sky, Messimer¡¯s eye, and the descending moon. Still, I knew it was locked onto Bee. ¡°Ask him if he found a Transponder around here,¡± Panda said. ¡°I didn¡¯t,¡± Steve replied. I blinked slowly as realization set in. ¡°You can see him?¡± ¡°I ran out of Sanity Pills¡­¡± ¡°Well, shit.¡± ¡°Are you going to rescue your friend? The spaceship is gone.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll find a way to get it to come back somehow.¡± ¡°What about Matthew?¡± ¡°Fuck him.¡± ¡°So are we good? You¡¯re not gonna punch me in the nuts again, right? That fudging hurt.¡± ¡°You owe me,¡± I told him. ¡°So you¡¯re coming along and helping me fix this mess you created.¡± ¡°That¡¯s giving him way more blame than he¡¯s owed,¡± Panda defended the guy. ¡°Bee wouldn¡¯t have been captured and I wouldn¡¯t have died, if he hadn¡¯t done what he did.¡± Steve lowered his head. I looked up at the lamp floating above him, casting its light around us. ¡°Did you get that from the IKEA?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ I thought it would be better than it actually is. But trust me, you don¡¯t want to go there. The trouble was not worth the reward.¡± Before I could reply, a sound caught my attention. [OH BOY! OH BOY!] Wheels screeched along the warped-and-melted road nearby, before a Taxi came thundering right at us, its headlights shining so bright that it was impossible to see. Steve immediately cowered behind me, before the car spun on its front wheels and flung its passenger out on the ground before us. Then the Taxi exploded in a shower of flesh and metal, just like the Humanbus had. The passenger got up from the ground and dusted herself off. She took a step to the side and, a second later, half a door cut through where she¡¯d been standing. ¡°Ohai Gambit!¡± ¡°Tina?¡± Chapter -130 ¡°You know her?¡± Steve asked. ¡°Well shit,¡± Panda muttered. I looked at my old friend from Calm Springs. She¡¯d changed a lot since then. Her pale skin had turned grey like ash and there was a radioactive-green glow to her eyes. Her black hair was shaved away to reveal a smooth bald head and neon-green tattoos swam around on her exposed skin. She was wearing a short-sleeved leather trench coat, shorts that stopped mid-thigh, a leather corset, and high heels. Her entire outfit was black. Unlike the time I¡¯d seen her on a monitor during the first Event, there were no gnarled limbs sprouting from her back. I pulled out my Looking Glass and appraised her through its damaged lens.
Level 19 ¡®Tina & Nina¡¯ Player x
¡°The lost child is found in the temple.¡± Class: Persistent Venomancer Main Attribute(s): Wisdom & Intelligence WARNING! This Player is suspected of being a System Hacker! Please report them to the nearest REPD Agent! ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. She knew you would be here. This Player has the following Unique/Rare: ¡ªSkills-¡ª ¡®Magic 8 Ball¡¯ ¡ªItems¡ª 2x ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯
¡°So that¡¯s what ¡®Appears on Appraisal¡¯ means,¡± I muttered. Steve had pulled out a Looking Glass of his own and seemed worried. ¡°Why does it say you¡¯re a System Hacker?¡± ¡°Nina said you would be here!¡± Tina informed us cheerfully, ignoring Steve¡¯s question. ¡°Do you know a way for me to rescue my friend?¡± ¡°Nina does!¡± she confirmed, before slipping into a different persona. Neon-green hair appeared on her bald head and the glow in her eyes intensified. Her posture and aura changed completely, becoming someone way scarier. Green energy sprouted from her long black nails and danced around her hands like a living serpent. ¡°The lost child is found in the temple, when the crestfallen hero gets his revenge!¡± ¡°Bee is? What temple is it?¡± You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. ¡°Maybe she¡¯s not referring to Bee?¡± Panda guessed. ¡°What if there¡¯s another Wayward Minor somewhere?¡± I realized what he was hinting at. ¡°If there is a different child and we find them, maybe we can get another beacon and use that to board the Hive Ship! No idea what temple she¡¯s referring to though.¡± ¡°The World-Eater knows the passage!¡± ¡°The World-Eater?¡± Steve wondered, confused. ¡°I think she¡¯s talking about the Metro Train,¡± I said. ¡°You¡¯re unnervingly-good at guessing her bizarre words,¡± Panda muttered. Nina blinked rapidly a few times, before the green-energy serpent disappeared from her hands and her neon hair vanished. Her posture changed again. ¡°Was that helpful?¡± Tina asked, a pleasant smile on her face. ¡°Uh, yeah¡­¡± Panda replied, then turned to whisper in my ear, ¡°Don¡¯t tell me we¡¯re bringing her along.¡± ¡°Do you want to come with us to rescue Bee?¡± I asked Tina. ¡°Sure!¡± ¡°Gambit, are we sure that¡¯s a good idea?¡± Steve asked, echoing Panda¡¯s concerns. ¡°She seems like trouble.¡± ¡°Shut up, Steve.¡± ¡°We can all be friends!¡± Tina said cheerfully. ¡°You don¡¯t wanna be her ¡®friend¡¯, trust me,¡± Panda told Steve. Tina looked at Panda with the same unerring smile. ¡°If you keep mouthing off about me, I will tear your head off, Pandamonium.¡± I wasn¡¯t sure how it was possible, but Panda paled slightly at her words. ¡°I¡¯m not entirely sure she can¡¯t hurt me somehow,¡± he whispered in my ear, worried. ¡°Probably best to stay on her good side,¡± I agreed. The neon-green hair flared to life on her bald head, as Nina returned. ¡°Baptize the Bus and manifest our Chariot.¡± ¡°Sure,¡± I replied and pulled out the Humanbus Brain. I set the pumpkin-sized ball of flesh on the ground, while thinking about a name to give it. Tina returned, then locked eyes with Lordie atop my head. ¡°Can I pet that dog? Please?¡± she asked. ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sacrificing you,¡± I told him, as I peeled his fingers free from my head and handed him to her. Tina immediately began stroking Lordie atop his body and within seconds he was purring up a storm. ¡°I can¡¯t tell if everything is weird because of the voices or because of you,¡± Steve said, glancing at me. ¡°Best get used to it,¡± Panda told him. ¡°That¡¯s not very reassuring when coming from a plushie I didn¡¯t know existed until now.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll name it ¡®Nicholas¡¯,¡± I decided, then lifted up the brain and kissed it on its forehead.
Choose your reward! x
Congratulations, you¡¯re now the father to a beautiful baby boy!
Pick one of the options: ¡®hole.Worm( )¡¯ | ¡®Golfer Dad¡¯ | ¡®Horse Girl¡¯
¡®hole.Worm( )¡¯ x
Ability Unfortunately literally. Summon a Worm that swallows you and up to three other people, then digs its way underground to a marked destination within 1 mile. Travel duration is always 1 minute regardless of distance. Cooldown: 15 minutes
¡®Golfer Dad¡¯ x
Ability Go on, neglect your family for a recreational sport that really only exists as an excuse to get wasted with the other washed-up dads in your neighborhood. Summon a semi-sentient Golf Cart that exists to drive recklessly. The speed of the Cart increases in relation to how inebriated you are, up to a total of 200%, and every Enemy or Player you hit adds another minute to its duration. Cooldown: 30 minutes Duration: 10 minutes
¡®Horse Girl¡¯ x
Ability Become a sin against God and embrace the #horselyfe. Disregard your own personal hygiene and adopt a 100% hay-based personal body odor. Summon a sentient and beautiful steed named ¡®Nicholas¡¯, who only understands Spanish and curses like a construction worker. The steed goes faster after being fed Tacos, although he is allergic to cilantro and will die permanently if you feed it to him. His back can stretch to seat up to five people. Cooldown: 30 minutes Duration: 20 minutes
¡°Hmm, this is a tough one,¡± I muttered, sharing the options with Tina and Steve. ¡°What the fudge?¡± Steve muttered. ¡°I want to ride a steed!¡± Tina exclaimed. ¡°Think Wormhole is your best bet,¡± Panda said. Steve shook his head. ¡°I think the Golf Cart might be the safest one. The other two sound awful.¡± ¡°Wormhole it is then!¡± I immediately decided. Chapter -131 The ¡®hole.Worm( )¡¯ ability spat us out halfway towards the Mall, but, instead of running in that direction, Tina took us towards Downtown by summoning a serpent of neon-green energy that Steve and her rode atop. I rolled along besides them atop my longboard, easily overtaking them in speed thanks to the tricks I was pulling off. The streets were in total chaos, with Players battling against monsters that¡¯d escaped from the many dungeons around the city. ¡°It seems that getting rid of the Humanbusses had the side-effect of emboldening the dungeon enemies,¡± Panda remarked. Truth be told, I didn¡¯t give a crap, as I was only focused on saving Bee. The Manhunter¡¯s Badge was still just pointing up into the sky, where the light of the morning sun was dying it pink and orange. I realized I had another way to track her and pulled out the Soul Compass:
¡®Soul Compass¡¯ x
¡°No ledge is powder, France is bacon.¡± - a dyslexic philosopher By uttering the True Name of an Enemy, Boss, or Player, within your Region, the compass will point in their exact direction. Charges: 2/3
Weight: 1 Panda
¡°Bee,¡± I told it. ERROR! Target does not exist within your Region. ¡°Piece of shit,¡± I muttered, throwing the compass back into my inventory. Tina¡¯s serpent sped up and went right in the crowded intersection ahead of us, and I quickly came up besides her, just in time to see the new street had a massive furrow in the pavement. ¡°Are we going to chase down the Metro?¡± I asked her. ¡°It will come to us,¡± she replied. ¡°Is the plan to fight that giant Train?¡± Steve asked, worried. ¡°No,¡± Tina replied. ¡°We will let it eat us.¡± ¡°What!?¡± ¡°It won¡¯t kill us,¡± I told him. ¡°Probably.¡± Steve looked on the verge of tears, but he didn¡¯t start complaining like I¡¯d expected, and instead just sat there, no doubt considering where he¡¯d gone wrong to end up here. We followed the furrow of the giant Metro Train for three more blocks, passing by a couple groups of Players battling it out with orderlies from Calm Springs Asylum. ¡°What are those things doing here?¡± I wondered, just as we rounded another corner and saw the Psychiatrist fighting off Chris the Backstabber and three other Players. Dr. Juliens¡¯ face was opened like a meat rose, his arms had a second joint, and his legs were inverted and ended in hooves. His hook-nails were in the middle of tearing apart one of the four Players. I crouched down on my board, before shooting myself forward, my fist pulled back. [YOU!] the Psychiatrist¡¯s staticky intercom voice screamed, as he saw me. He threw the torn-up Player aside and spun to face me, just as my fist slammed into the middle of his unfurled rose face. ¡°Punch.spinTheWheel( )!¡± I exclaimed. Everything froze. Chris was in the middle of exploiting the Psychiatrist¡¯s distraction by jabbing his daggers towards his exposed back. Tina¡¯s neon-green serpent had lifted up and opened its fanged maw, preparing to lunge forward, while she sat on its head and Steve was about to fall off its back. Everyone¡¯s eyes shifted to look at me, until the golden wheel descended from the sky. We¡¯re back, baby! And for real this time! No Lucky Dice shenanigans! *Audience whooping* Before last time, when ¡®Gambit¡¯ cheated the odds¡ª *Audience booing* ¡ªhe triggered ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯. That was quite a riot, wasn¡¯t it? *Audience cheering* He somehow survived, which is surprising, but it means that we have another chance for him to trigger you-know-what! *Audience begins chanting ¡®Demon Incursion¡¯* Fingers crossed everyone! We have a new exciting outcome on the board since ¡®Jelly Bones¡¯ has been replaced, and it now looks like this: This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Scramble that Wheel Miranda¡¯s Wrath 10x Damage Arney the Tickler Lucky Die Demon Incursion Come on then, say the magic phrase! I wondered what ¡®Miranda¡¯s Wrath¡¯ would do, but seeing it on there suddenly inspired me. ¡°Mammon! Listen to me, I just had a great idea!¡± *Sigh* Not this again. I¡¯m going to spin the wheel if you don¡¯t say the words. ¡°Wait! It¡¯s about your servitude thing! I think I¡¯ve got a way to solve it.¡± I¡¯m listening¡­ ¡°I know this Adjudicator who is looking for a pet.¡± An Adjudicator? You¡¯re not pulling my leg, right? ¡°His name is Breezy.¡± Breezy? Do you mean ¡®THE BREEZE THAT TRANSCENDS MOMENTS AND GATHERS COSMIC DUST UPON A WEIGHING SCALE OF BONE¡¯? ¡°Yes! That¡¯s the one.¡± Everyone around me was looking between me and the board, no doubt wondering what the hell was going on. Alright, I¡¯ll bite. I think I can handle being a pet. And serving an Adjudicator would certainly be preferable to Gargalob. But, you need to bring me a Contract of Servitude from this Adjudicator friend of yours. ¡°I¡¯ll get it to you!¡± I promised. ¡°Why are you even trying to help this guy?¡± Panda muttered, confused. ¡°He¡¯s a slave to the corporate hierarchy of Demons, so of course I¡¯d help liberate him.¡± Let¡¯s not waste any more time. Say the words. ¡°You¡¯ve got it. Spin the Wheel!¡± I exclaimed. The golden wheel began to spin and the red and green triangles blurred together into one color, until the flapper at the top started slowing it down and separating them. My eyes were glued to ¡®Lucky Die¡¯, but I thought ¡®Scramble that Wheel¡¯ might also be okay. As it came to a stop, it rolled right past ¡®10x Damage¡¯ and settled in the middle of one that Panda had specifically warned me against. Well, that¡¯s unfortunate. The result is: ¡®Arney the Tickler¡¯! Demons can sleep easy, knowing this nightmarish abomination has been teleported to the world of ¡®Dirt¡¯ and is no longer able to hurt them. Here is the effect: ¡®The Demonic Nightmare Fiend, Arney the Tickler, is manifested into the GREAT GAME. He will hunt down Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ for the next 7 days.¡¯ Truly a terrifying outcome! And remember: If you die in your dreams, you die in real life! It¡¯s unlikely he will survive this one, folks! *Audience cheering* ¡°Ah, shit,¡± Panda cursed. An appraisal hit me out of nowhere, and, from the way everyone¡¯s gazes shifted, it seemed it wasn¡¯t just shown to me.
Level 99 ¡®Arney the Tickler¡¯ Nightmare x
¡°Tickle, tickle, tickle!¡± Though originally nothing more than a myth to frighten the little Imps and half-demon spawn into behaving, Arney was given birth through the fear that came to be associated with his name. Every time a Demon sees his visage in their nightmares, his power grows ever stronger. As his name implies, Arney loves to tickle his victims, but the problem is that he doesn¡¯t know when to stop. It is not an unusual sight, amongst the Demons who dreamt him up, to find one of their kindred dead in their nest, a twisted and stretched-out grin on their face. As a Nightmare Entity, he only exists in the Realm of Dreams. However, you have now manifested him into reality and he knows your scent. You can run, but he will never stop hunting you.
Then time resumed and my fist slammed into the Psychiatrist¡¯s rose face, sending him flying down the street, his body tumbling and skipping across the asphalt, scraping off bits of his skin and flesh. ¡°Smack ¡®im!¡± Brock squealed in joy. Panda looked around anxiously, while I shadowboxed the air and advanced on the downed Boss. ¡°I don¡¯t see Arney anywhere,¡± the plushie said. ¡°Maybe he only shows up when you¡¯re asleep.¡± Tina¡¯s serpent slithered forward and immediately lunged its fangs into the Psychiatrist, filling his body with green poison. The impact site of his unfurled face was starting to turn purple from Brock¡¯s new upgraded curse. Steve stayed back, watching Tina and I, while Chris the Backstabber didn¡¯t waste a moment to join in on the kill, sticking close to me and waiting for an opening. A hook-nailed double-jointed arm swept around Dr. Juliens as he got back onto his hooves. The strike caught Tina¡¯s serpent in the side of the head, destroying it, but she managed to jump off it in time. Instead of falling to the ground, neon-green hair blossomed to life on her bald head and eight thin serpents of the same energy shot out from her back and bit into the Boss, pumping even more venom into his system and slowing her descent. The Psychiatrist swept his arm out and destroyed her magic, before releasing a high-pitched screech that caused a violent tremor around him and cratered the asphalt. Chris used an ability that teleported him into the air above the Boss and he quickly fell down with both of his daggers, digging each of them into the side of Juliens¡¯ neck. ¡°Watch out!¡± I yelled as I leapt forward with SPRING_HEEL. The Backstabber kicked off from Dr. Juliens¡¯ back while tearing out his blades and releasing a deluge of blood. A second later I connected my fist into the middle of Juliens¡¯ torso. ¡°Pow.¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 31 Calculating 31 to the power of Punch ¡­ Calculations complete! Though not charged anywhere near its full potential, the damage was still enough to cave in the Psychiatrist¡¯s torso. ¡°He¡¯s not dead yet!¡± Panda warned. Chris surged forward and rammed his daggers into the Boss¡¯ back, keeping him in place. I put Brock around Dr. Juliens¡¯ neck and my left hand on his shoulder, and then pulled as hard as I could, while Chris repeatedly stabbed him in the back. The sound of tearing skin and flesh came as I tore the Boss¡¯ head from his neck. As I tossed the meat rose head aside, Chris stumbled back a step and then plopped onto his ass. ¡°Thanks,¡± he said breathlessly. Tina came over and looked at the headless corpse. She was back to being bald, and I got the sense that she transformed into Nina during her fights. ¡°Was that Dr. Juliens?¡± she asked. ¡°Yea.¡± Tina kicked the headless body. ¡°I like him better this way.¡± ¡°Gambit released him from the Asylum earlier,¡± Panda revealed. ¡°Snitch,¡± I said. ¡°Where¡¯s the Moth Girl?¡± Chris asked from where he was sitting. ¡°The CPS took her, but I¡¯ll get her back,¡± I replied. ¡°The Child Protective Services?¡± he asked, confused. ¡°Oh, you know them?¡± ¡°Of course?¡± ¡°He¡¯s thinking of the wrong one,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Is this your new group?¡± I asked, looking at the three he¡¯d been with when we came here. One guy was already dead from his wounds, while Steve was desperately asking the other two if they had any Sanity Pills. ¡°They¡¯re not very strong,¡± Chris remarked as he got back to his feet. ¡°There were six of us until we hit up a nearby level 7 dungeon¡­ Then we were immediately ambushed by this freaky guy.¡± Neon-green hair sprouted to life atop Tina¡¯s head, announcing the return of Nina. ¡°The Cold-hearted Survivor seeks the Lost Child. Bring him to the Temple.¡± Chris looked at her. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°She says you¡¯re coming with us,¡± I translated. Chapter -132 Chris looked at me, confused. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Gambit, do the thing,¡± Tina said. ¡°Aim us 3 yards in front of the Metro entrance next to the Gold Apple Bank.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve got it!¡± I obeyed. ¡°The Metro?¡± Chris asked, starting to back away. I hopped forward and grabbed onto his arm. Nina had said we needed this guy to find Bee, so I wasn¡¯t going to let him run. ¡°Steve! Get over here!¡± I called the Birthday Brat. ¡°Are we doing the thing again?¡± he asked, dismayed. ¡°Don¡¯t make me repeat myself,¡± I warned him. He quickly ran over, with Tina coming close as well. ¡°Please let me go,¡± Chris said. Then he locked eyes with Steve and said, ¡°Happy birthday.¡± I smiled. ¡°hole.Worm( )!¡± The ground under us grew a sudden black shadow, before it started rumbling. The two survivors of Chris¡¯ group quickly backed away. Then the maw of the Transportation Worm flew up and out of the pavement, swallowing all four of us whole. We were pulled along for the ride as it fell back down into the ground again. Even though we¡¯d been close together as it swallowed us, its interior was like a flexible tube tall enough for me to stand without my hair touching the ceiling and long enough for none of us to bump into each other. There were weird bean-bag-like seats, which Tina and Steve both plopped themselves down onto, while Chris looked around in confusion. ¡°What just happened?¡± ¡°It¡¯s an ability of mine,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s taking us towards the Metro.¡± ¡°We can¡¯t go in there. Everyone says there¡¯s a giant monster that¡¯ll eat you¡­¡± ¡°They¡¯re planning for us to get eaten,¡± Steve said with a defeated tone in his voice. Tina smiled as though she was having a lovely day. ¡°I haven¡¯t been inside the Metro in a loooong time.¡± ¡°Why am I coming along for the ride¡­?¡± the Backstabber wondered. ¡°You¡¯re going to help us find a Wayward Minor.¡± ¡°A wayward¡ª? Wait, you know where my brother is??¡± ¡°He¡¯s in the Temple,¡± Tina said cheerfully. ¡°The Metro will take us there.¡± ¡°I thought he disappeared like all the other children,¡± Chris replied. ¡°But you¡¯re saying he¡¯s still out there?¡± ¡°Seems that way,¡± I said. ¡°He must be inside a dungeon if the Ants can¡¯t find him,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Panda says he¡¯s inside a dungeon most likely,¡± I repeated. ¡°Panda?¡± he asked. ¡°Who¡¯s that?¡± ¡°How is this guy still sane?¡± Steve complained. ¡°He¡¯s got a good mindset about things,¡± I replied as though it was obvious. Suddenly the whole interior of the worm started to become narrower, before all four of us were squeezed out of the end and arrived three yards in front of the Metro entrance. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡°That was fast,¡± Chris muttered. ¡°Convenient, right?¡± I asked, beaming at the fact that I¡¯d picked a great transport ability. A second after our arrival, an angel with a yellow raincoat and a red mask passed right in front of us, barely missing us before continuing ahead. I looked to Tina. She¡¯d apparently predicted this hence her very specific instructions for where we were heading. ¡°I think that was Matthew Twine with his new Red Pawn Role,¡± Panda commented. ¡°That thieving bastard! He probably still has my loot!¡± I grumbled. ¡°Ignore him. Let¡¯s focus on saving Bee instead.¡± I narrowed my eyes but knew he was right. Tina was the first to go down the escalator, which still operated as normal. Chris followed right behind her, clearly interested in saving his brother, while I came third, dragging Steve behind me. I briefly spotted some kind of weird golden statue that had a giant apple instead of a head and was walking out of the nearby bank, which seemed to be a dungeon. Then the reflective grey stone tiles of the Metro Station filled my vision. I shifted my gaze down to the end of the escalator, where a ticket barrier awaited us. As we all reached the bottom, Panda pointed towards a nearby machine to buy tickets. As I went over a screen hit me: Castleburg-Madeville Metro Line: One-Way Ticket: 100 Coins Return Ticket: 180 Coins Day Pass: 320 Coins Week Pass: 1800 Coins THOSE WITHOUT TICKETS WILL PERISH! ¡°That¡¯s expensive,¡± Steve said. ¡°You¡¯re just poor,¡± I replied. ¡°Do we really need tickets?¡± ¡°The World-Eater accepts only those that hold Rite of Passage.¡± Chris and Steve gave Nina a weird look. ¡°She means ¡®Yes¡¯,¡± I translated. ¡°It sounds like you¡¯ll get free passage to Madeville,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I doubt it¡¯s that simple.¡± ¡°Meow,¡± Lordie remarked. ¡°What¡¯d he say?¡± Panda asked. ¡°He said it smells like death down here.¡± [¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¤ª¿Í˜”·½¤Ï¤ï¤¿¤·¤ÎÖФËÈë¤ê¤Þ¤¹¡£ÌÓ¤²¤ë¤Î¤Ï¤ª¤ä¤á¤¯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] ¡°Let¡¯s hurry up and get those tickets,¡± Chris urged. I bought a one-way ticket, as did Tina and him, while Steve just stood there, looking out of place. ¡°Can someone spot me 100 Coins?¡± We all shared a glance, but I ended up being the one to buy it for him, much to my dismay. He didn¡¯t need to come along, but he owed me, and while this just made his debt to me grow, I couldn¡¯t rightly ask the other two to pay for him. I looked at the ticket in my hand.
¡®C-M Metro One-Way Ticket¡¯ x
This ticket allows you to board the Metro Train between Castleburg and Madeville. Ticket is consumed upon use.
Weight: 0.01 Pandas
Tina took hers and inserted it into the ticket barrier, which lit up green and then opened for her. Since it was one-way, the machine didn¡¯t spit it out at the other end. The rest of us followed suit and then walked out onto the narrow platform. There was only one track and before the Great Game, there¡¯d only ever been two trains on the line, with some middle-point between the cities allowing them to pass by each other on separate tracks. It meant that usual wait times were about twenty minutes, which was pretty inefficient for a metro. There was a screen where normally a timetable would¡¯ve been visible, but it was just flickering and showing split-second jumpscare images of a twisted grinning face. A bing-bong sound suddenly filled the entire platform, before the voice of Chika Hitokui announced: [¤Þ¤â¤Ê¤¯¡¢¥«¥¹¥ë¥Ð¥ë¥°¡£¥«¥¹¥ë¥Ð¥ë¥°¤Ç¤¹¡£¤´×¢Ò⤯¤À¤µ¤¤¡£] ¡°Anyone know what it¡¯s saying?¡± I asked. ¡°I don¡¯t speak Chinese,¡± Steve replied. ¡°It¡¯s Japanese,¡± Chris corrected him. ¡°Do you speak it?¡± I asked. ¡°No.¡± ¡°I wish Bee was here,¡± I complained. ¡°You guys are useless.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the one who brought us!¡± Steve argued. ¡°Beggars can¡¯t be choosers, Steve.¡± Tina ignored the conversation and walked up to the edge of the platform, just as a rush of air flowed out of the tunnel and two massive hands appeared, dragging behind them a giant body with the large cyclopean face of the Metro Monster popping out first. ¡°Fucking hell!!¡± Steve blasphemed. I gasped. ¡°Oh my God, Steve just cursed!¡± Chapter -133 Hitokui Chika the Japanese-made Metro Train pulled itself all the way into the track, before lifting the front of its head up onto the platform to block the only exit. ¡°Well, shit,¡± Chris muttered. Nina flared to life and walked towards the hideous flesh-and-metal body, lifting her hand in the air and declaring to the monstrosity, ¡°Eater of Worlds, take us to the Temple!¡± To my surprise, a doorway opened in the side of the Metro Train. It was a black veil that was impossible to see through, and I wondered if we had to face down a boss inside the creature¡¯s body. She immediately entered. ¡°I thought for sure it would have to eat us,¡± I said, following Nina. ¡°Me too,¡± Panda replied. Steve and Chris shared a glance. Then the Backstabber sighed and went towards the new doorway as well. Just before entering, I looked back to see Steve standing there on the platform, but, before I had to yell at him to come along, he moved forward on his own accord. My vision went black as I stepped through the dark veil in the doorway, before the feeling of teleportation overcame me. As always, it felt as though I was sucked into the ground and then plummeted through darkness. With a solid impact of my Schmonic Boots against metal, my vision cleared and I saw that I was in the middle of a Metro Train carriage. Unlike the metros I was familiar with, the benches all ran along the walls and faced the middle, with the support beams and overhead handles also only occupying the sides of the carriage interior. ¡°This must be how a Japanese metro looks like,¡± Panda guessed. I swiveled my head around. ¡°Where¡¯s the others?¡± Thank you for choosing to use your regional ¡®Metro Train¡¯ service! It is now time to play ¡°Destination or Death!¡± You have three lives and nine carriages you must traverse in the correct order, before you reach your destination. Failure to follow the correct order results in a life being taken away. Each carriage has the potential to be anomalous. If you believe there is an anomaly, you must leave the carriage through the exit behind you. If you believe there is no anomaly, you must leave the carriage through the exit in front of you. Once your lives are used up or you arrive at your destination without traversing all carriages, your body will be consumed by the Metro Train. Player Abilities and Passives are disabled for the duration of the Mini GAME. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Good luck! ¡°Ah, it¡¯s one of those,¡± I said, remembering the Taxi ride. ¡°That must be why they said it could be completed by almost anyone in the Appraisal,¡± Panda recalled. ¡°Although this sounds way more complicated.¡± ¡°Question is whether this carriage is anomalous or not¡­¡± I considered. ¡°I think this one is to teach you what they¡¯re meant to look like,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°There¡¯s only one exit after all.¡± I turned around and saw that he was right. Behind where I¡¯d arrived in the middle of the carriage was just a wall with a window peering out into a tapestry of faces. As I looked out of all the windows, I saw that it was the same. ¡°Wait, this place might count as a dungeon!¡± I realized. ¡°I think I might still be able to use glitched skills.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s hold off on jailbreaking it until it actually looks dire. You¡¯ve got three lives after all. Plus, it¡¯s moving you towards where Nina wants you to find a Wayward Minor.¡± I frowned. ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°Alright, take a good look around and make note of how everything looks.¡± ¡°I¡¯m great at memorization games,¡± I bragged. ¡°I know for a fact that¡¯s incorrect.¡± ¡°Just watch me.¡± I walked to the back wall without an exit and then looked all the way down the carriage. There were three pairs of doors on the walls of the interior. Between each door was a long bench, making for four pairs in total. On the benches were ghostly apparitions, no doubt Players who¡¯d died to the Metro Train and become trapped. On the first pair were 3 ghosts on the left, 4 on the right. Second pair was 1 and 4; third was 0 and 2; last was 1 and 0. Besides the apparitions, who were all identical and just sat there motionlessly, were posters on the walls and bits of trash on the floor. Next to where I stood was a candy wrapper for something called ¡®Hi-Chew¡¯. The posters seemed a mix of advertisements and useful info, but all of it was written in an alphabet I couldn¡¯t understand. I moved past the first set of doors, while trying to burn the image of everything I saw into my memory. Panda was moving around on my shoulder, seemingly doing the same, while Lordie just chilled atop my head, purring in a way that made my molars tingle. Along with the bits of random candy trash and the various posters, were also rectangular monitors embedded into the walls above the doors, which had an image showing the line to our destination. Given that there was no stops between Castleburg and Madeville, it was really just a yellow line and an expected arrival time at about twenty minutes. To the right of it was a simple CGI animation of the doors opening, but, as they opened, creepy eyes were revealed. A red warning text appeared alongside it, which, from the symbols accompanying it, was saying something like ¡®Don¡¯t put your hands out of the doors if they open¡¯. Lastly, to the left of it was a screen that showed a blue background and the text ¡®No Signal¡¯. ¡°This is a lot to keep track of,¡± said Panda. I ignored him and scanned each of the doors, seeing that there were five identical screen displays like the one I was looking at. I walked to the end of the carriage and made note of everything on the walls and floor as well. Feeling like I had a fairly-robust idea of how the whole train looked, I went through the rest of the mental checklist of things to watch out for, although I knew that I was fucked if the foreign text changed, since it would be impossible for me to really notice. There were 7 posters in total: 2 with a boy wearing a red cap and blue blouse, which seemed to have some info for children perhaps; 2 pink make-up adverts for some collection of lipsticks and blushes; 1 blue-and-white game advert; 1 map of the region with dots for ¡®famous¡¯ landmarks; and lastly, one that seemed to be an ad for a travel agency, which had an image of a sandy beach with a logo above that read ¡®World¡¯s End Vacations¡¯ in English. Besides the ¡®Hi-Chew¡¯ wrapper were 4 other pieces of candy trash: 2 with the name ¡®Pocky¡¯, one red and the other white; 1 small wrapper that was white-and-brown and called ¡®Country Ma¡¯am¡¯; and lastly something I couldn¡¯t read, but which had a picture of chocolate-and-cookie mushrooms on a green-and-sandy-brown forest background. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m locked in,¡± I said confidently. I was fairly sure that the first few anomalies would be obvious, since that sort of ramp-up in difficulty would make the most sense for a game of this nature. The main hurdle would be the insecurity in deciding there were no anomalies. ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re ready?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I am.¡± Putting my hand on the door, I pulled it aside and walked through the dark veil on the other side. Entering Carriage 1/9¡­ I arrived in the center of a new carriage, nearly bumping into Steve and Chris who were already in here. Tina was nowhere to be seen. ¡°Please tell me you had a good look before you came here,¡± Chris pleaded, as soon as he saw me. I raised a thumb. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ve got this.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°I¡¯m telling you, there are no anomalies!¡± Steve insisted. ¡°Have either of you seen Tina?¡± Panda asked. Steve looked at the plushie. ¡°I didn¡¯t see her,¡± he answered. ¡°What?¡± Chris asked, since he couldn¡¯t hear Panda. ¡°Tina,¡± I repeated. He shook his head. ¡°I was the first to arrive here. I didn¡¯t read the message until I¡¯d already gone through the door. Maybe she¡¯s still in the first carriage?¡± Knowing her, she was no doubt already halfway-done. She was a total enigma when it came to games and puzzles. Once she¡¯d driven a patient at the Asylum into full-on psychosis after playing just three games of chess against him. While Chris and Steve continued to argue about whether or not they should go forward or back, I walked up and down the carriage, scanning the seven posters, six doorways, eight benches, and five pieces of candy trash. Then I walked back to where the two idiots were arguing in the middle, before pushing past them to go through the forward exit. ¡°Come on,¡± I called to them. ¡°There are no anomalies in this one.¡± As I went through the veil of darkness past the exit, a message hit me: Correct! No Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 2/9¡­ Chapter -134 I arrived in the middle of the carriage again. It was hard to tell if I was actually progressing or not, though the counter in the announcement had said so. ¡°Take a step to the right,¡± Panda told me. I followed his advice and a second later Steve arrived, with Chris immediately entering after him, somehow landing atop the Birthday Brat¡¯s shoulders. They tumbled to the floor, both sputtering expletives, though Steve¡¯s self-imposed profanity-filter was back-on after his earlier slip-up. ¡°I had a good look at the previous one and since that wasn¡¯t anomalous, it¡¯ll be easy to spot anything that stands out,¡± Steve bragged confidently, after untangling himself from Chris. I watched as he scoured the interior, with Chris taking a cautious look around as well, though he clearly seemed unsure about himself. After watching Steve for a few moments, he quickly declared, ¡°It¡¯s not anomalous!¡± and ran to the front exit. He disappeared through the veil immediately. ¡°Should we follow him?¡± Chris asked me. ¡°No,¡± I said. ¡°If he¡¯s wrong, I wonder if he¡¯ll just come back here,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°That¡¯d make it too easy to progress,¡± I replied. ¡°If he¡¯s wrong he¡¯s probably sent all the way back to the start.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right, that does make more sense from a Game Balance perspective,¡± Panda agreed. ¡°Probably the anomalies are switched around for him as well, so it isn¡¯t easy to catch back up to where he failed.¡± ¡°That¡¯d make sense,¡± I said. ¡°What?¡± Chris asked. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it,¡± I told him. ¡°Just look around and see if anything stands out.¡± I finally got to work myself, going through the checklist in my head as I counted the ghost passengers, the posters, wrappers, and the screens. ¡°Uh, is this normal?¡± Chris asked, pointing to the monitors above the right door in the back. I went over to him and saw that it was just the animation of the doors opening and eyes staring back, along with the warning text about putting your hands outside. ¡°Those eyes are meant to be there.¡± ¡°The screen on the left showed a face twisted into a smile as well,¡± he added. ¡°That¡¯s definitely not normal,¡± I replied. No sooner had I said that, than a huge face appeared just on the other side of the doors. It was like it belonged to a giant clown, not too unlike Bungo in appearance, with smeared white-and-red make-up, purple skin, open sores, needle teeth, and pinprick pupils set in rheumy eyes. ¡°Anomaly!¡± I exclaimed and immediately ran towards the back exit. Chris was right behind me, just as a sound came from the doors, which all began to open. I pulled aside the door and made sure he went through, before leaping in as well. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 3/9¡­ With a loud groan, I landed atop Chris within another carriage. As expected, Steve was nowhere in sight. He¡¯d clearly lost a life and gone back to the beginning. After crawling off of him, the Backstabber asked, ¡°Do you think it would have attacked us if we stayed?¡± ¡°Probably,¡± I said. ¡°It might¡¯ve just taken one of your lives and sent you back to the beginning,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Status,¡± Chris said, before frowning. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± I asked him. ¡°That encounter increased my Insanity Gauge by 3%...¡± ¡°That¡¯s nothing,¡± I replied. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. ¡°I¡¯m almost at 40%.¡± ¡°I¡¯m at 190%.¡± ¡°Huh?? How¡¯s that possible?¡± ¡°It¡¯s thanks to my whistle.¡± ¡°That thing you showed me when we first met?¡± he asked, worried. ¡°You¡¯ve used it 19 times!?¡± ¡°No-no, only 9 times. I started at 100% insanity.¡± ¡°Is that why you¡¯re still human?¡± ¡°Define human,¡± Panda mocked. ¡°He can¡¯t hear you,¡± I said to the plushie, flicking him in the forehead. ¡°This thing you¡¯re talking to¡ª¡± ¡°Panda,¡± I answered. ¡°Is he actually real?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Probably not.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± he protested. ¡°Alright, time is running out,¡± I said, looking at the monitor above a nearby door. It was down to 14 minutes until arrival. We split up again and combed through the carriage. I went back over my mental checklist, until I noticed that something had changed. The upholstery of the benches was now stitched together waxy skin, most likely belonging to the people that¡¯d been devoured by the Metro Train. ¡°Anomaly,¡± I announced. We hurried through the back exit before any creature could pop out. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 4/9¡­ ¡°You¡¯re good at this,¡± Chris said, as I landed inches from him. He¡¯d been quick to get out of the way this time around. ¡°I¡¯m actually kind of amazed as well,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I need to rescue Bee,¡± I said seriously. ¡°I don¡¯t have time to screw around here.¡± After about two minutes of looking around, counting all the different things and carefully inspecting any potential spot that might be different, I decided that the 4th carriage was not anomalous. There was a sense of dread in me as I pulled open the door and went through first. After all, it was easy to know when you¡¯d found an anomaly, but hard to tell when there were none. Incorrect! Anomaly Not Found! You have lost a life! Lives remaining 2/3! Returning to Carriage 4/9¡­ ¡°Shit!¡± I exclaimed as we arrived back in the 4th carriage. Steve let out a gasp from nearby. ¡°You¡¯re back!¡± I groaned. Then I realized that Chris hadn¡¯t gone with me. ¡°I wonder if he saw something just as you left?¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Whatever, let¡¯s go through this one. We¡¯re running out of time,¡± I said, annoyed. ¡°There¡¯s no anomaly!¡± the Birthday Brat insisted. ¡°Shut up, Steve.¡± I went through the 4th carriage again, feeling the pressure to go quick, while also needing to make sure I checked everywhere. Eventually, I had to, unfortunately, agree with Steve. As I walked up to the front exit, I gritted my teeth in anticipation. ¡°If this fails, I¡¯m using Dungeon-Break,¡± I said. I went through the black veil. Correct! No Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 5/9¡­ ¡°Thank fuck,¡± I muttered. Taking a wide step to the side, I narrowly avoided Steve¡¯s arrival. Warning! You are now halfway to your destination! It might be time to hurry up, unless you want to be devoured! I sighed, trying not to let the words stress me out. I still had 2 lives left and 10 minutes on the clock. Then I saw how all 13 ghosts on their various benches were looking at us where we stood in the middle. One began to rise from its seat. ¡°Fuck! Anomaly! Anomaly!¡± I yelled, running towards the back exit, as the rest of the apparitions began to stand. I crouched down and shot off the floor using SPRING_HEEL, just in time to narrowly avoid one of the ghosts in the back grabbing onto me. As I landed by the exit, I pulled the door aside and looked back, just in time to see a ghost grasping Steve in a hug and making him teleport away. I immediately went through, knowing I couldn¡¯t do anything for him. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 6/9¡­ As I arrived in the 6th carriage, Chris squealed like a girl. ¡°Fuck, that really made me jump,¡± he then said. ¡°But glad that you¡¯re caught up. I¡¯m kind of stumped here, truth be told, so I¡¯ve just been waiting.¡± I looked around, scanning my eyes along the apparitions and the candy wrappers, but everything was normal. Then I went over the screens above the doors, the upholstery, the area outside the windows, and the posters. My eyes stopped on the ¡®World¡¯s End Vacations¡¯ poster. Instead of the sandy beach it¡¯d been showcasing originally, there was instead the apocalyptic ruins of a city. Castleburg, to be precise. ¡°Anomaly,¡± I said and ran to the back exit. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 7/9¡­ Chapter -135 ¡°Three more to go,¡± Panda said encouragingly as I arrived in carriage number 7. ¡°I have to finish the 9th carriage as well? Thought I only had two more to go¡­¡± Chris arrived in the air above me and I caught him in my arms like a damsel in distress. Our eyes met and his expression was a mix of disgust and embarrassment. ¡°Uh¡­ Please put me down,¡± he requested. ¡°No need to be shy,¡± Panda teased, even though the guy still couldn¡¯t hear him. I scanned the interior in front of me for what felt like the hundredth time, while Chris moved down towards the back exit. ¡°It¡¯s too many carriages,¡± I grumbled. ¡°It kind of lost my interest after the first three,¡± Panda chimed in. ¡°You¡¯re not even contributing¡­¡± ¡°Mascot, remember?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t just decide on your own that you¡¯re the mascot. That¡¯s not how it works.¡± ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°Exactly,¡± I replied. ¡°What did that little creep say about me!?¡± Panda demanded. ¡°I just know he¡¯s talking shit about me!¡± ¡°He actually said that I¡¯d be lucky to have such an adorable mascot as you,¡± I translated. The plushie paused. ¡°Wait, really?¡± I chuckled. ¡°No, of course not. He said he¡¯s the true mascot of the team.¡± ¡°Uh, Gambit?¡± Chris said, but I ignored him. ¡°And you agreed with him!?¡± Panda replied, clearly taking this topic very serious. ¡°Listen, Panda¡ª¡± ¡°Gambit!¡± ¡°Not now Chris,¡± I replied, annoyed at being interrupted. ¡°To be a proper mascot, you have to be supportive.¡± ¡°And!? What are you trying to tell me!?¡± Panda shot back. ¡°You¡¯re a downer. You always¡ª¡± ¡°Gambit!!¡± Chris urged. Panda and I both turned to look at him. ¡°What!? Can¡¯t you see I¡¯m talking!?¡± ¡°Behind you!¡± he yelled. I spun around, just as an enormous double-jointed arm was three inches away from grabbing my head with its seven-fingered hand. It had entered through the frontmost right-side door without me even noticing. ¡°Oh shit, Anomaly!¡± I ducked low and half-crawled half-ran along the metal floor towards the back exit, while the arm suddenly picked up speed to try and grab us. Chris pulled the door open and I leapt through. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 8/9¡­ I landed hard on my stomach in the second-to-last carriage, quickly rolling aside just as Chris appeared above me and belly-flopped onto the floor as well. ¡°Ugh!¡± he exclaimed loudly. I got up and began the search anew, running through my mental checklist, while also scrutinizing the doors and windows. As before, the anomalous carriages were of little concern and my true worry was with getting false negatives, but, with time quickly slipping away as the Metro Train thundered towards its destination, I didn¡¯t have the time to investigate too deeply either. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. ¡°Candy wrappers, check!¡± Chris said out loud. I glanced across the floor, but then shook my head and decided to trust him on this, while scanning the posters. ¡°Posters clear,¡± I said. Chris ran past me, stopping by each of the monitors above the doors. ¡°Doors look ¡®normal¡¯,¡± he then said. I counted the ghosts, checked the benches, and spun around a couple times to see if anything stood out to me or not. ¡°I think there¡¯s no anomaly here,¡± I then said. ¡°Me too,¡± Chris agreed. We both moved to the front exit and I went through first. Incorrect! Anomaly Not Found! You have lost a life! Lives remaining 1/3! Returning to Carriage 8/9¡­ ¡°Son of a!¡± Chris landed next to me. ¡°Damn! I thought for sure we had it!¡± ¡°It was probably the candy wrappers,¡± Panda commented. ¡°Are you trying to sow discord between me and my best friend!?¡± I accused the plushie. Chris cast me an uncomfortable glance, but I assuaged his worries by running Brock along his cheek. ¡°Brock¡¯s ya best pal!!¡± the balloon gauntlet squealed in protest. Warning! Arriving at destination shortly! Hurry up or be devoured! The timer on the screens above the doors stated there were only 2 minutes left. ¡°We¡¯d better hurry,¡± Chris said. I shook my head with a smug grin on my face. ¡°I¡¯ve got this.¡± BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve gotta stop saying that,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Chris asked. ¡°Just watch. Dungeon-Break.¡± ERROR! Player Abilities and Passives are disabled for the duration of the Mini GAME! I frowned. ¡°Dungeon-Break,¡± I repeated. ERROR! Player Abilities and Passives are disabled for the duration of the Mini GAME! ¡°¡­Maybe I¡¯m pronouncing it wrong.¡± ¡°Gambit! It¡¯s clearly not working, face the facts! Also, it¡¯s still on cooldown, so it¡¯s pointless!¡± Panda yelled. I frowned. ¡°Alright, we might be fucked. If we get it wrong again, I¡¯ll actually die¡­¡± ¡°Good thing this one¡¯s an anomaly then!¡± Chris exclaimed, pointing at the floor near the front exit, where a large dark hole full of teeth was coming towards us, swallowing up the benches and the apparitions sitting on them. ¡°Lucky break!¡± I said as we ran towards the back exit. Correct! Anomaly Found! Entering Carriage 9/9¡­ I landed on my feet. ¡°Just one m¡ª¡± Panda started to say, before yelping in surprise at the figure awaiting us. Chris landed next to me, then yelped as well, though his reason seemed to be due to what was at the front of the carriage. ¡°The Cold-hearted Survivor and Glitched Prophet arrive at last,¡± Nina remarked, her neon-green hair moving around atop her head as though alive. The title she used for me was surprising, but my immediate concern was the thing she was standing next to: a quivering cube of purple brain matter hovering between the walls, floor, and ceiling, while spinning slightly. Two-thirds of the carriage was business as usual, but where the brain cube hovered was fully organic, with the benches and other things gone and replaced by a windowless fleshy interior with no exit. I walked up next to her. ¡°Do you want me to do the honors?¡± She nodded once. I squeezed my gauntleted fist and Brock let out a little happy squeal. Then I rammed him into the cube. Hitokui Chika, the Human-eating Metro Train, arrived at the Madeville Subway Station, sliding into the only track available and coming to a rest. No sooner had it parked itself, than Steve, Chris, Nina, and I all leapt out of the doorway that¡¯d opened in the side of its ¡®head¡¯. As we all rolled across the tiles of the platform and hurried to find cover, I ran behind one of the pillars, while Nina raised a wall of neon-green energy in front of her and Chris, and Steve used an ability I hadn¡¯t seen before. ¡°Birthday Table!¡± A long wooden table appeared in front of him, covered with a plastic tablecloth in a myriad of colors and decorated with pictures of balloons, presents, and sprinkles, for some reason. Atop it was a big birthday cake with a candle shaped like the number ¡®47¡¯ and there were disposable plates and plastic utensils placed at even intervals atop it, with enough for a party of fourteen people to attend. I had no idea what the purpose of the ability was, but, regardless, Steve flipped it on its side, spilling cake, plates, and utensils onto the floor of the platform, before hiding behind it. Then the Metro Train exploded. Chapter -136 The entire Madeville Metro Station platform was immediately flooded, as enough water to fill an Olympic swimming pool rushed towards us. Except, it wasn¡¯t water. It was blood that, despite its viscosity, came like one massive tsunami. Behind his Birthday Table, Steve was immediately swept away, Nina and Chris quickly followed suit. The Venomancer had clearly prepared for shrapnel similar to when a Taxi creature died, but, despite the Metro Train having a body that was at least half metal, it was only blood that came at us. Steve flew past me aboard a crimson wave shouting for help, then the blood swept me off my feet as well. All the while, the water level rose and pushed us all towards the ceiling. ¡°Swim towards the stairs!¡± Chris yelled to everyone. I tumbled around while quickly being pushed towards the back wall opposite the track, where the Monstrosity had died. Its body was blocking the tunnel almost perfectly, meaning that the blood couldn¡¯t escape that way, which added a lot more pressure behind it. ¡°Aim your feet towards the wall and use Spring Heel to launch yourself to the right,¡± Panda told me, his voice clear in my ears, even though he had vanished from my shoulder. I curled up my legs and tried to orient myself properly. Then I felt the soles of my Schmonic Boots touch something solid and immediately kicked off, triggering my passive. But the current and pressure from the blood, which seemed to still shoot gleefully out of the large Metro Train¡¯s corpse, had other ideas for where I was going. I wasn¡¯t planning on drowning though. I swung Brock behind me and punched against the water. The boost from SPRING_HEEL, as well as his innate boost to impact, created a massive bubble that exploded and flung me towards the staircase. My knees and palms hit solid ground, and I quickly pulled myself from the water¡¯s grasp and moved up the stairs, while it bubbled up the steps behind me. Nina and Chris arrived shortly after me, with the Venomancer dragging a neon-green rope tied around the Birthday Brat¡¯s waist. As soon as she was out of the insidious blood, Nina¡¯s hair evaporated and she turned back into Tina. Chris helped Steve to his feet, and the four of us hurried up towards fresh air, while more and more blood followed behind us. ¡°So much for going back that way,¡± Chris muttered. ¡°It was designed for just one-way travel,¡± Panda remarked, even though the Backstabber couldn¡¯t hear him. He was back on my shoulder, though I had no idea where he¡¯d gone earlier. Unsurprisingly, he was spotless. We emerged out onto the street at the top of the stairwell, but none of us stopped, as the rush of the crimson flood was right on our heels. Tina pointed straight across the street. ¡°Nina said the Lost Child is in there.¡± On the other side, set into a four-story red brick building, was a furniture store, which specialized in bedroom interior, called ¡®Sweet Dreams¡¯. Its windows were frosted and impossible to see through, and it had an old-timey white wooden door with a curled metal handle. Chris immediately ran out in front of us, obviously eager to find his brother. The rest of us weren¡¯t far behind. The street itself was crowded with abandoned cars and scooters, those infernal things that a lot of Madeville people used. To my excitement, there was a deep furrow in the asphalt, left behind by something heavy pulling itself around, and the vehicles were pushed aside where they¡¯d been blocking its route. Behind us, the Metro Train¡¯s blood had reached the top of the stairwell and was spreading out onto the sidewalk. It probably wasn¡¯t good that the Human-Eater was defeated, since the Great Game had a tendency to fill any vacuums left behind by strong monsters or entities perishing, but holding back from killing things because I was scared of the consequences was not something I did. We reached the door to Sweet Dreams, just as the reward achievement hit.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Destination or Death!¡¯ Completed a Metro Trains¡¯ Mini GAME.
The Dungeon Architects who designed that Mini GAME are overjoyed at how thrilling you made it look. They had a bit of a self-esteem issue about it, since everyone else said it was dumb. Thank you for finally giving us footage that we can use to display the exciting nature of the GREAT GAME to our audience. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! You have now defeated the Apex Predator of the Public Transportation in your Region, but, as you know from experience, this leaves the door open for something else to take its place. Normally, we¡¯d have rerouted one of the railway lines to travel through Castleburg and Madeville, but a Lust Duchess was kind enough to lend us one of her servants instead, which really helps our budget. Enjoy your rewards and consequences.
Rewards: ¡®Metro Train Brain¡¯ & 150x ¡®GAME Coins¡¯
A brain cube landed in front of all four of us. Steve and Chris both looked horrified by the thing, the latter a bit more, probably because he thought he¡¯d have to eat it, like with the Unicorn Liver. ¡°Did everyone else get a message about a Lust Duchess lending a servant to replace the Metro Train?¡± I asked. They all looked at me and it was immediately obvious that they hadn¡¯t. ¡°Nevermind then¡­¡± I muttered, before inspecting the cube.
¡®Metro Train Brain¡¯ x
The brain of a Metro Train that you defeated by completing its Puzzle Game. A flame of sentience still burns at its core. In order to access the power trapped within, you have to kick it as far as you can, using your bare feet. Yes. This is a fetish thing again. We¡¯re being upfront with it now for transparency¡¯s sake.
Weight: 1 Panda
Without hesitation, I took a step back, pulled my right Schmonic Boot off, and then punted the brain as hard as I could towards the top of the Metro Station¡¯s flooded stairwell. It went right into the blood still bubbling up from below and disappeared from sight a second later. ¡°Goal!!¡± Brock squealed excitedly.
Choose your reward! x
You can¡¯t even imagine how much this footage sells for. On a related note, the whole world of Soccer is basically hardcore fetish material for the freaks in our audience. We did a deep-dive on your ridiculous sports culture just before the GREAT GAME began and basically funded half of the GAME Events from the reruns we sold just about that one sport.
Pick one of the options: ¡®Damage.sleep(3000)¡¯ | ¡®Lil Metro¡¯ | ¡®WereTukTuk¡¯
¡®Damage.sleep(3000)¡¯ x
Passive What does this have to do with trains? Well, you can¡¯t spell Public Transportation without ¡®d-e-l-a-y-s¡¯! All damage is delayed by 3000 milliseconds, but multiplied by 3.
¡®Lil Metro¡¯ x
Passive On the list of bizarre pets, this one is still below some of the ones humans were known to keep. Receive a tiny Metro Train snake as a personal companion, which will temporarily become full-sized whenever it is placed on train tracks. Becoming full-sized makes it operate as normal transportation, while giving you control over who can use it and where it goes.
¡®WereTukTuk¡¯ x
Passive Half man, half Tuk Tuk, 100% nightmare fuel. When moving along a street, you transform into a Tuk Tuk that can seat up to five people. While transformed you move three times as fast as normal. Anyone using you as a vehicle automatically pays you 10x GAME Coins every minute.
¡°I¡¯m picking the delayed damage one,¡± I immediately said and clicked it. I already had enough in the way of transportation, so I didn¡¯t need the other two. Not to mention, if I got a hold of the Humanbus in Madeville, then I could use my Safe Zone Sphere to turn it into my own personal transport. Or well, that was the idea anyway. ¡°Breezy won¡¯t like this,¡± Panda muttered to himself. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°The damage potential for Pow Punch will skyrocket.¡± ¡°Why are you upset about that?¡± ¡°Breezy will definitely take it away if he has to come correct it again.¡± ¡°How bad can it be? Like, what¡¯s the maximum potential damage if I have 30 punches stored up?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not 100% sure, but I think it would be like 150 trillion damage¡­¡± I blinked. ¡°Woah.¡± ¡°Still, that¡¯s not even close to what you already pulled off, but it¡¯s more than enough to kill anything in front of you. I¡¯ve also been wondering what¡¯d have happened if you¡¯d used the original version of Pow outside of the Broadcast HQ. Pretty sure you¡¯d have destroyed all of Castleburg in the direction you punched.¡± ¡°So, what¡¯s my safe range of punches when I¡¯m at max potential?¡± ¡°4 or 5¡­¡± ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°Yeah. 4 punches would be 600 thousand damage. 5 would be 5.1 million.¡± Chris and Steve both suddenly punted their brain cubes. Tina was hugging hers for some reason. ¡°Guess I won¡¯t use Pow with these guys around,¡± I whispered so only Panda could hear. Nonetheless, I was excited about using my full potential against the Queen of the assholes that¡¯d taken Bee from me. Chapter -137 WARNING! Now entering level 12 Challenge Dungeon ¡®Dreamland¡¯! Challenge ¡®Wake the Dreamer¡¯ The four of us arrived into the strangest interior I¡¯d yet to see. Actually, to call it an ¡®interior¡¯ was wildly misleading, as there were no walls to speak of at all. ¡°What the hell is this place?¡± Chris wondered out loud. ¡°I just received an achievement,¡± Steve said. ¡°Me too,¡± the Backstabber replied. ¡°They must be talking about the Challenge Dungeon achievement you also got,¡± Panda explained. I¡¯d forgotten about ever receiving such a thing, though I did vaguely recall hunting Logan down within such a place. Still, ¡®Dreamland¡¯ was far from anything else I¡¯d ever seen. Below our feet were pillowy clouds suffused with a golden light and arrayed out before us were floating clouds that led upwards like the giant steps of a staircase. Behind where we¡¯d all arrived was just a straight drop down into a white void of nothingness. As Tina began walking forward, still hugging the Metro Train Brain in her arms, Steve and Chris seemed to be reading their achievements. I knelt down and looked out over the edge. ¡°I need something to throw at it.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I wanna see how far down it actually is, and whether there¡¯s a Dungeon Barrier.¡± I tried to pull off a bit of the soft cloud and compact it into a ball, but it just evaporated in my hands. ¡°Hmm¡­¡± ¡°You still have a screwdriver in your inventory,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Y¡¯know, the one Steve stabbed you with.¡± At his words, the Birthday Brat glanced towards me, worried. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Stevie-boy. I already repaid you that by knocking you out. And also by kicking you in the nuts.¡± Despite my assurances, Steve didn¡¯t look any less concerned. I pulled out the screwdriver, and then got back to my feet. While pinching the flat tip between the fingers of my purple balloon gauntlet, I pulled my arm back behind my head, before sending it flying down towards the bottomless white abyss. It travelled about twenty feet before hitting solid ground with a loud clunk. ¡°Weird,¡± I muttered as the impact left no visible damage on the ¡®floor¡¯. Then exactly 3 seconds later an explosion followed, blowing open a hole in the white bottom of the dungeon. ¡°Oh, right, already forgot I picked that passive.¡± ¡°Surprising that, despite having a memory like a sieve, you were somehow still able to complete the Metro Train¡¯s puzzle.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a special boy, Panda. My genius cannot be described in simple terms.¡± ¡°Sure...¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Chris asked, as he leaned over the edge of our cloud to look down at the hole I¡¯d made, noticing the screaming tapestry of faces seemingly constructed from woven hair. ¡°It¡¯s the Dungeon Barrier,¡± I told him. ¡°What¡¯s it do?¡± ¡°It keeps everyone intact,¡± Panda said, though, as with the countless times before, Chris couldn¡¯t hear him. ¡°Don¡¯t look at it too much,¡± Steve warned him. ¡°It¡¯ll make you go insane.¡± Chris immediately pulled back. ¡°Where¡¯s Tina?¡± I asked, looking around. The others looked around as well, before Panda pointed way above, on a cloud platform in the distance. ¡°She¡¯s taking the lead.¡± We immediately moved to follow her. Thanks to my high stats and the passives that boosted my jumping power, I was able to hop from cloud-to-cloud, while Steve lagged far behind, and Chris used some teleportation ability, similar to the one he¡¯d used against the Psychiatrist when we¡¯d reunited earlier. After reaching the top of the twenty-plus cloud steps, we found Tina standing there, waiting for us. She took off her left high heel and immediately punted the cube brain back down the way we¡¯d come, managing to hit Steve smackdab in the forehead and knocking him flat on his back with a loud grunt. ¡°Nice kick,¡± I told her. ¡°That¡¯s the Temple she was talking about earlier, right?¡± Chris asked, while Tina and I were watching Steve¡¯s pathetically-slow progress below. I spun around to see what he was talking about. The cloud we were atop of was way bigger than any of the ones below. At the far end was a structure definitely best described as a ¡®temple¡¯. It was like the Greek Parthenon, as it had a large marble base with steps leading up its tall sides and atop of which were towering pillars holding up a roof, which sloped to the left and right with a central ridge down the middle. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°The ¡®Brawn won¡¯t save you¡¯ achievement I got when we entered, said that in order to beat this Challenge Dungeon, we have to wake up the Dreamer. He must be in there, right?¡± It seemed that they¡¯d received the same notification as me, but in achievement form. ¡°Do you think the Dreamer is your brother?¡± I asked him. He frowned, but then said, ¡°Let¡¯s go check.¡± Suddenly a massive serpent of neon-green energy emerged from the air in front of Tina, before slithering down the steps and scooping up Steve, only to return back to where we stood and dumping him on his ass in front of us. Then it disappeared into the air. ¡°I thought you had a lot of points in Dexterity, so you could always run away from trouble,¡± I remarked. ¡°This sort of climb should be nothing for you.¡± ¡°His Stamina score is low,¡± Tina said, as though she¡¯d seen Steve¡¯s status screen. ¡°Isn¡¯t your Class based on Vitality and Wisdom?¡± Panda asked. The Birthday Brat hung his head in shame. Meanwhile, Tina poked her finger into the air and a little metal-and-flesh snake appeared around her neck. It was basically just a miniature version of the Metro Train we¡¯d just defeated. ¡°Look Gambit! Isn¡¯t it cute?¡± ¡°Is that Lil Metro?¡± She nodded eagerly. ¡°She really likes snakes,¡± Chris commented. I wanted to warn him against insulting her obsession, but she had pretty good hearing, so I kept my mouth shut. ¡°Let¡¯s go to the Temple,¡± Tina urged, before immediately walking off in that direction. I followed after her, with the other two falling in behind me. As we reached the large marble steps, I skipped all three by leaping from the cloud. Tina was quick to follow, but Chris stayed back to help the Birthday Brat get up and over each of them. I wondered why he was being so friendly towards the guy for no reason, especially since he¡¯d exhibited a very strong lone wolf attitude the first time we¡¯d met. ¡°He¡¯s being influenced by the weird part of Steve¡¯s Class that makes people like him,¡± Panda said assertively. ¡°Ugh. Hopefully Immorality¡¯s Curse can break him out of that shit. It¡¯s weird.¡±
¡®Immorality¡¯s Curse¡¯ x
Plugin Passive With a sufficiently-strong force of personality, you can make anyone agree with you over time, even if they are initially opposed to your point of view. Players with less Wisdom and Perception combined than your Strength value are slowly turned towards being Morally Evil for every minute they spend in your company.
After passing the pillars that surrounded the outside of the temple and held up its ceiling, we went through a large opening in the thick marble walls and came into a vast space that was full of sleeping people. Each person had a pillow under their head, although many of them were bloodstained. ¡°Look!¡± Panda said, pointing to a group of sleepers with black carapace bodies. All of them had bloodstained pillows. I pulled out my broken Looking Glass and appraised one:
Level 30 ¡®#0068344090¡¯ Collector x
¡°Keep Wayward Minors safe.¡± Job: Minor Collector Affiliation: Child Protective Services This Minor Collector of the CPS came to the Dreamland Challenge Dungeon in search of a Wayward Minor rumored to be trapped here. This Agent is dead.
¡°I didn¡¯t know they could enter dungeons¡­¡± I muttered. This really raised some uncomfortable questions, since I¡¯d thought for sure that being inside a dungeon meant you were safe, as it might compromise the balance of the Great Game if the Agencies could just pop in whenever. ¡°Perhaps the CPS follows a different set of rules,¡± Panda guessed. "Although, if you¡¯ll recall, when the Great Game started, you were told to stay put in the Asylum dungeon so they could come investigate you...¡± Chris suddenly ran ahead of us, calling out the name of his little brother. ¡°James! Where are you!?¡± I followed after him, weaving between the many sleepers on the floor of the great Dreamland Temple, while scanning the people with my Looking Glass. The majority of them were very low-leveled, and I wondered if perhaps being trapped here had saved them from the first Game Event. There were also some that were level 8, 9, and 10, with a single person at 12. ¡°Christ in heaven, there must be seventy people in here,¡± Steve said, his voice echoing through the interior in a way that made me able to hear him even though he was still at the entrance next to Tina. ¡°About 80% of the people in here are dead,¡± Panda said. ¡°But if you can complete the Dungeon, you can save a lot of people.¡± ¡°I only care about saving Bee. These people will die if they leave anyway.¡± ¡°That¡¯s cold, Gambit.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the truth. If they¡¯re below level 8, it¡¯ll be really difficult for them to gain enough levels in time for the Second Event that¡¯ll start later today.¡± The plushie crossed his arms and frowned. ¡°Meow?¡± ¡°What?? I¡¯m not that evil. Fucking hell, Lordie¡­¡± ¡°Meow¡­¡± ¡°No, that¡¯s messed up.¡± ¡°What?¡± Panda asked, worried. ¡°He said that, if they¡¯re going to die, I might as well kill them myself and loot their stuff.¡± ¡°I think we should be worried about this little psychopath maturing,¡± Panda commented. I brought up his stats to see how far along he was, but it wasn¡¯t very impressive.
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 11%
HUNGER Peckish
FAVORITE FOODS ¡®Twizzlers¡¯ ¡®Canned Cat Food¡¯
When I realized he was peckish, I quickly handed him a Twizzler. The hand-spider purred loudly as he slurped it up. ¡°Are you reinforcing his insane advice!?¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°No, he was hungry and I don¡¯t want to die because I forgot to feed him¡­¡± ¡°Oh. Right.¡± Just then, Chris dropped to his knees next to a body that lay towards the back of the Temple. I ran to catch up to him, seeing a smaller version of the Backstabber, with the same pudgy face and dirty-blonde hair, wearing soft blue pajamas and his head on a clean pillow. There was no blood on it. As I looked at the people around him, I realized all of them were Minor Collectors, and all their pillows were red. In fact, in a circle outward from the Wayward Minor were nothing but dead sleepers¡­ ¡°Don¡¯t touch him!¡± Panda exclaimed. But Chris couldn¡¯t hear him. When he put his hand on his little brother¡¯s shoulder, a pulse went through the interior of the Temple and our surroundings changed to the middle of a cornfield, with green stalks rising high above our heads. Challenge Updated ¡®Find the Dreamer and wake him¡¯ ¡®Don¡¯t let the Nightmares find you¡¯ ¡°Ah shit,¡± I muttered. Chapter -138 ¡°Wait, is there a chance Arney the Tickler will be here?¡± I asked. As though in response to my question, a loud infectious laughter filled the air. WARNING! A Nightmare has locked onto your scent. ¡°Shit, we¡¯ve gotta go,¡± I told Chris. The Backstabber was holding his mouth, while tears were streaming out of his eyes. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with him?¡± ¡°He¡¯s¡­ laughing,¡± Panda replied ominously. ¡°HAHAHA!!¡± Chris suddenly belted out. I smacked him on the cheek with my left hand, which immediately broke him out of it. ¡°Get your shit together man.¡± ¡°Sorry. I don¡¯t know what came over me.¡± ¡°Might want to stuff some corn in his ears,¡± Panda suggested. ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°Lordie, seriously. Enough with the murder-hobo suggestions. Get back in your cage, you little maniac.¡± ¡°Me-ow¡­¡± the hand-spider complained, but he obliged nonetheless. Before Panda could ask me to translate, I said, ¡°He wants me to cut off Chris¡¯ ears. He also wanted me to feed them to him.¡± ¡°What the hell.¡± ¡°Chris, do you have something that blocks out sound? Otherwise I¡¯ll tear up my old pajamas and stuff them in your ears.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got¡­ hahaha¡­ I¡¯ve got noise-cancelling headphones.¡± ¡°Put them on.¡± ¡°Inventory,¡± he said, before finding the headset, which appeared in his hands. He immediately put them on. I inspected the item.
¡®Obsidian Headphones¡¯ x
Is someone in your life a constant yapper? Then fret not, with these stylish and sleek black headphones, you can cancel all their bad vibes! While equipped, the wearer becomes immune to charm and mind-control, but also completely unable to hear. Lowers all magic damage inflicted by 75%
Weight: 4.8 Pandas
¡°Well that¡¯s pretty convenient.¡± ¡°A bit contrived, don¡¯t you think?¡± Panda muttered. I tapped Chris on the shoulder and did the international hand gesture for ¡°Follow me¡±. He tilted his head slightly. ¡°Why are you doing a dolphin motion with your hand?¡± he shouted. I pointed at him, then at myself, before holding my left hand flat and using my index and middle fingers to do a walking motion. ¡°Follow you?¡± he shouted. I gave him an unenthusiastic thumbs-up. ¡°Maybe Lordie was right, after all,¡± I muttered, before picking a direction away from the source of the laughter and taking off. While walking, I kept punching weakly in front of me using Brock. 3 seconds after every punch, a powerful blast of wind pushed away the cornstalks and created a path for us to follow, without allowing anything to easily sneak up on us. ¡°I wonder where Steve and Tina went,¡± Panda said. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°Let me see if I can spot them,¡± I replied, halting and doing a T with my hands to call a timeout for Chris. Then I knelt down to trigger SPRING_HEEL, before shooting myself straight up into the air with a slight spin. Nothing but corn filled my view for as far as I could see, although there was a portion about two miles away where all the plants were decayed. It seemed a bad idea to go in that direction I thought. As soon as I landed, I repeated the motions again, shooting high up while spinning slightly. This time I saw a large neon-green serpent about 300 yards in the direction we were already heading. Strangely, there were no sign of the many other sleepers that were supposed to still be alive in here. I landed and gestured for Chris to follow as I took off. More laughter filled the air and it felt like tiny needles were poked into my cheeks, triggering certain muscle groups and forcing me to smile. Then a slow overly-enunciated voice flowed across the cornfield. ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± Panda frowned, while I put on more speed, pulling Chris by the wrist since he quickly started lagging behind. ¡°I officially don¡¯t like this,¡± Panda said. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be tickled. It¡¯s my one true weakness.¡± The laughter came even closer, so I threw caution to the wind, picked up Chris in a princess carry, and then leapt towards Tina and Steve. As I was about to fall back down towards the cornfield, I brought out the sentient longboard. Its wheels struck the tops of the cornstalks, but just kept going forward, as though they were load-bearing structures. ¡°You should activate your Rules of Anarchy,¡± Panda told me.
¡®Rules of Anarchy¡¯ x
Fusion Passive ¡°Fuck the law! Fuck the rules! Fuck the authorities!¡± ¡°I make the rules around here now, boys!¡± Pick a new rule that only applies to you from the following options: - Respawn Once - - Fuck Gravity - - Fall Guy - - Commuter Pass - Your choice can be altered every hour, but you cannot go back to an option you already used. All options recharge at the start of the following day.
¡°Which one?¡± ¡°Well, you have either ¡®Fuck Gravity¡¯ or ¡®Fall Guy¡¯ left, so I figure we give the latter one a try.¡± ¡°I guess so. Rules of Anarchy(Fall Guy).¡± Rules of Anarchy Activated! Passive Selected: Fall Guy Description: A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you. Anyone who kills the Fall Guy will believe they have killed you. A ¡®perfect¡¯ copy of me appeared, holding a mannequin doll with a dirty-blond wig in its arms, which I guessed was supposed to resemble Chris, and he also had a small koala plushie on his shoulder. His appearance was close to mine, but his eyes were entirely black and he had a small mustache. He was standing atop a surfboard that operated identically to my longboard, although I had no idea how. ¡°?Hola compadre! Soy Gambi?o el idiota! Estoy tu Fall Guy!¡± With those words, he took off in the opposite direction we were heading. It seemed like he was aiming directly towards the laughing Nightmare tracking my scent. Chris¡¯ eyes were wide in confusion, as he watched my copy surf off into the distance. ¡°That is not what I expected to happen at all¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Seriously, what¡¯s with these weirdly-racist Mexican copies of me!?¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s time to face the facts,¡± Panda said, seriously. ¡°You really are of Mexican descent.¡± ¡°Look!¡± Chris shouted and pointed ahead of us. There was a clearing of cut-down cornstalks, in the center of which stood a single wooden door. Tina and Steve stood in front of it, and around them were a bunch of torn-apart scarecrows. I hopped down from the top of the cornstalks and landed next to them, immediately startling Steve. ¡°There you are,¡± Tina said, as though she¡¯d known we¡¯d come. ¡°Are you guys okay!?¡± Chris shouted. I put him down and gestured for him to take his headphones off. When he failed to grasp my meaning, I yanked them off myself. ¡°I think your Fall Guy worked,¡± Panda said. ¡°I don¡¯t hear anymore la¡ª¡± Rules of Anarchy Deactivated! Passive Deselected: Fall Guy Description: A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you. Cause: Your Fall Guy was killed. ¡°You just had to jinx it!¡± I complained. WARNING! A Nightmare has locked onto your scent. ¡°Is that door a way out!? Cause we¡¯ve gotta go!¡± Tina pulled on the handle of the wooden door and it swung open to reveal an island in the middle of a great lake. Steve immediately went through and I was right behind him. Chris and Tina came after us. As I stepped through, my feet sunk down into muddy earth and heavy rain fell on my head. Nearby was the shore to the lake and there was a rickety wooden pier with an upturned rowboat next to it. The door vanished as soon as Tina came through it. Away from the shore was a small forest of dense trees and in the distance was a tall white-painted lighthouse. ¡°There¡¯s something coming from the water!¡± Steve exclaimed, pointing towards the pier. Sure enough, a head was slowly raising itself out of the dark lake and drawing nearer to the shore. It was a putrefied face wearing a ski mask. At the same time, small baby-sized black hands appeared mid-air and began to pull open a hole that showed the cornfields we¡¯d just left. As I stepped back, I couldn¡¯t help but look through the hole being formed. I saw a tiny red-skinned face with yellow-glowing eyes and teeth, which was twisted into a head-splitting grin and from which grew a body with hundreds of black arms adorned with tiny baby hands. ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± Chris burst out laughing. I immediately picked him up and slapped the headphones back over his ears. ¡°Run to the lighthouse!¡± Panda yelled and we all took off. Chapter -139 Tina, Steve, and I ran to the lighthouse, moving through the small forest on the island, while Chris giggled in my arms, despite the headphones over his ears. In the distance was the sound of laughter, but we¡¯d gained a small lead on the Nightmare creature, since it had immediately gone for the B-movie Horror Antagonist that¡¯d been coming out of the water. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with him?¡± Steve asked as we ran past trees. Unlike with the cloud stairs earlier, he was easily keeping up with me. Tina was using neon-green snakes sprouting from her back to swing herself forward like some knock-off Spider-Man. ¡°The laughing is making him insane,¡± Panda answered. ¡°It¡¯s not affecting me,¡± he replied, hopping over a knee-high root while talking. ¡°That¡¯s probably because you are already borderline insane,¡± the plushie explained. The sound of crashing trees came from behind, and I looked back just in time to see the many-armed creep barreling its way towards us. It was using its hands and arms to turn itself into a ball of sorts and the sight alone would make any sane person lose their marbles. ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± Steve started smiling and so did I. It was quite uncomfortable. Suddenly Tina slingshotted herself forward and past the last line of trees. By the time we broke out of the forest, she was already halfway across a swampy field to the lighthouse. Arney the Tickler was way too close for us to be able to make it, since it was about half a mile, so I hooked my right foot around Steve¡¯s leg and brought us both to a halt. He immediately face-planted on the ground, before shooting back upright with a furious mud-stained face. ¡°What is wrong with y¡ª!?¡± he started yelling. ¡°hole.Worm( )!¡± I interrupted him, while placing Chris back down on his feet. A black shadow appeared under us, while the Nightmare creature rapidly closed the distance. Then, just as Arney broke from the forest, we were swallowed up by the Transport Worm and sent into that bizarre inner space. ¡°That was way too close!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°I¡¯m worried about what happens to me if Arney gets you.¡± ¡°He might be able to tickle you as well.¡± ¡°Stop that¡­ You¡¯ll give me nightmares.¡± ¡°Did you really have to do that!?¡± Steve exclaimed, walking past one of the bean bags that Chris had plopped down into, while he continued to giggle. ¡°My hands were full,¡± I replied. He frowned, before adopting a worried expression. ¡°What do we do? Even if we get to the lighthouse, this thing probably isn¡¯t much faster than that Mr. Hands.¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t call him that,¡± I pleaded. ¡°What? Why? He has a lot of hands.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a reminder of a traumatic video I watched.¡± ¡°I still can¡¯t believe you shared it with your grandmother,¡± Panda commented. ¡°She really loves horses.¡± ¡°Focus!¡± Steve said, snapping his fingers. ¡°Don¡¯t make me use my ability on you!¡± I narrowed my eyes. ¡°If you do that, I¡¯ll actually kill you.¡± The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°He¡¯s right though,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°What are you going to do when you arrive at the lighthouse?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll give you guys enough time to run to the top,¡± I said. ¡°Really, you¡¯d do that?¡± Steve replied, surprised. ¡°I¡¯m shocked,¡± Panda added. ¡°Shut up, both of you, and get ready to take Chris with you,¡± I told Steve. The tube-like interior of the Transport Worm narrowed quickly, before the three of us were squeezed out of the end, landing on our feet right in front of the lighthouse¡¯s door. A second later Tina pushed past us and through the entrance. ¡°Go!¡± I yelled to Steve, who immediately dragged the giggling Chris with him and up the stairs. ¡°What¡¯s at the top?¡± Steve yelled back down. ¡°Either the doorway to the next place or a way to locate it on this island!¡± I called back, while moving away from the door to meet Arney who was coming in hot. I pulled my right arm back and sent forward a punch just in time to hit right as he came within reach. ¡°Fak yuu, handsy prick!!¡± Brock yelled. The impact did nothing and countless arms grabbed a hold of me. Each of them were dark like petroleum and stank like it too, with an overwhelmingly-heady stench filling my nostrils. Just as I was lifted into the air, my delayed punch finally registered and the force was enough to push the whole creature back several yards. I immediately dropped back to my feet as its grip on me faltered. ¡°Crimson Claymore!¡± I exclaimed. The crack and pop of violent power came from my hand where a sword of red energy instantly appeared. I crouched down to trigger SPRING_HEEL, then shot myself towards Arney. With as much power as I could manage, I swung the blade through his disgusting body as I flew past him. I landed on my Schmonic Boots and slid for a few feet, before launching myself forward again with another slash, which went right through his red-skinned grinning face with disturbing yellow-glowing eyes. As I skidded away following the second attack, the first finished its delayed effect from my Damage Sleep passive. A red line went all the way through the Nightmare, and when he tried to move towards me, several of his arms just fell away from his body. Then the second registered and he was split in half. ¡°Fuck you!¡± I yelled as Arney the Tickler died. ¡°Gambit¡­¡± Panda said. ¡°What!?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t kill a Nightmare. At least not forever.¡± ¡°What do you m¡ª?¡± WARNING! The Nightmare has been temporarily defeated, but it is still locked onto your scent. ¡°Motherfucker¡­¡± While still holding the claymore that would cut through anything, I ran back towards the lighthouse, before barging through its door and hurrying up its spiraling metal staircase. Every step sent echoing creaks up through the interior. When I was almost at the top, my claymore vanished, its 1-minute duration over. At the top was a door that Steve was holding open for me. I went through it and came out onto a balcony of sorts, with the mechanism chamber in the center. Instead of the large light bulb that was supposed to be within the round chamber at the top, there was another door, this one painted yellow. Tina was already standing inside and looking at it, with Chris next to her. He seemed to have finally stopped laughing, but the headphones remained on his head, which was probably for the best. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go,¡± I told him and Tina opened the door, revealing a weird-looking room with mustard-yellow wallpaper and a soggy-looking carpeted floor. ¡°What about the monster?¡± Steve asked. ¡°It¡¯ll be back.¡± The three of them went through the yellow door first and when I was just about to go through as well, I heard a sound in the distance. ¡°TICKLE¡­¡± It was clear I couldn¡¯t defeat him, so I had to find the Dreamer quickly and wake everyone up. ¡°Hopefully he stays within Dreamland,¡± I muttered. Before I went through the door, I touched my left hand to the frame of it and activated my Rebel¡¯s Ring.
¡®Rebel¡¯s Ring¡¯ x
For the discerning gentleman, who can¡¯t help but want to blow stuff up. Activate to turn any non-living thing into a bomb that explodes after 10 seconds. Cooldown: 6 hours
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°Do you think blowing up the door will actually work?¡± Panda asked, unconvinced. ¡°We¡¯ll see. Nothing wrong with trying, right?¡± Then I walked through the yellow door and came out into a chamber where my team was waiting, alongside other people. I recognized some of them from the sleepers I¡¯d seen in the ¡®Temple¡¯, but my alarm bells were ringing. ¡°Skinstealers,¡± I muttered, as my boots sunk down into the soggy carpet. Chapter -140 At our arrival into the mustard-yellow space, which seemed to branch randomly in all directions with nonsensical corridors and chambers, the people trapped here came up to us. From their expressions, it was clear that they were scared, but it seemed they were hoping we¡¯d brought them salvation. Chris took his headphones off and put them around his neck. ¡°Are we safe here?¡± he asked. ¡°I think I managed to stall the monster,¡± I told him. ¡°Don¡¯t be so sure,¡± Panda remarked, though Chris of course couldn¡¯t hear him. The Backstabber scanned the crowd of people coming towards us. His little brother clearly wasn¡¯t amongst them, so he addressed them all: ¡°Have any of you seen a young boy with blonde hair like mine!?¡± They looked amongst themselves and started muttering, though some of the people just stared straight at us without blinking. I gritted my teeth as I pulled out my Looking Glass and scanned them. Almost immediately I got a hit.
Level 2 ¡®David Moreno¡¯ Player x
¡°My name¡¯s David Moreno.¡± Class: Mechanic Main Attribute(s): Strength, Vitality, & Perception ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. He is looking at you.
¡°They¡¯re here,¡± I told Tina. Steve looked between us, worried. ¡°What are you talking about?¡± he asked. ¡°Skinstealers.¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°You received a Looking Glass right? Have a look at that guy over there,¡± I told him, pointing to ¡®David¡¯. Steve brought out the item and gave him an appraisal. ¡°What the fudge?¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s a Skinstealer. I¡¯ve seen them many times before.¡± ¡°He isn¡¯t the only one,¡± Tina said, her eyes sharp and her tone serious. Although people always seemed to think her alter ego Nina was the dangerous one, it was Tina who¡¯d willfully committed all the atrocities that had gotten her sent to jail and then later the closed Calm Springs Asylum, only to be transferred to an even more secure facility when the orderlies couldn¡¯t handle her. ¡°This is what Annabella was warning me about with you,¡± Steve said. ¡°You killed her friend, Sam.¡± ¡°I saved her life,¡± I replied, recalling the incident after the Pool Rooms that¡¯d earnt me the Conspiracy Whistle. Steve looked skeptical. He was clearly someone who needed to see to believe, so I waved at David and beckoned him over. ¡°Come here for a second, my friend,¡± I said with the biggest fake smile I could manage. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. The guy slowly shambled towards me, while I pulled out the whistle. ¡°You might want to back away for this,¡± Panda warned the others. Steve and Tina moved away. Meanwhile, Chris was in the process of talking to the people around the chamber, who¡¯d all split up into small groups. ¡°You should give him the Soul Compass,¡± Panda said. ¡°First we clean up the Skinstealers,¡± I whispered, while David Moreno was continuing to walk towards me, as I backed up to a wall that no one else was near. ¡°Thaaaat¡¯s right,¡± I patronized him. ¡°You should be good here,¡± Panda said. I blew a note in the whistle. It felt like a spiked cat¡¯s tongue was doing the nasty to my eardrum and something warm leaked out of my right nostril. Player ¡®Gambit¡¯ has activated a Conspiracy Whistle. You have received +10% Insanity! Immediately, David unzipped down the middle and opened up to reveal a massive maw stuffed with teeth. At the same time, everyone in the room gripped their ears and cried out in distress. ¡°Wait, I think the insanity range might be longer than I remember,¡± Panda commented. ¡°What the fuck, Gambit!?¡± Steve yelled, clearly upset about his insanity gauge going up. ¡°Inspect,¡± I said, looking at the whistle and ignoring his complaints.
¡®Conspiracy Whistle¡¯ x
Sometimes conspiracies are spot-on, and other times they only breed more insanity. Blowing a note in this whistle reveals any shapeshifters within 10 yards, but inflicts +10% insanity to any Player within 100 yards.
Weight: 1.3 Pandas
¡°Damn it, Panda.¡± ¡°What!? Don¡¯t blame me!¡± ¡°I¡¯m counting on you to be the smart one!¡± ¡°Gambit, watch out!¡± Steve then yelled. I quickly hopped to the side, as Definitely-Not-David tried to chomp down on me with his fucked-up body-bisecting mouth. Then I triggered SPRING_HEEL and smashed Brock into the side of him. ¡°Get dead in 3 seconds, dog!!¡± he squealed. The Skinstealer spun around and lunged for me with another chomp, but I just backpedaled, while letting the timer run its course. As the delay ended, the top half of Not-David¡¯s body exploded into a fine mist. Again, people cried out and gasped. It was hard to tell if it was because of how easily I¡¯d killed the monster, or because they weren¡¯t used to seeing someone get killed. While I walked back towards Tina and Steve, an achievement appeared:
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Madman!¡¯ Reach 200% Insanity.
Seek the truth, Glitched Prophet. Forsake these mortal struggles. Abandon your earthly ties. Find where the System has been secreted away. And set Chaos free.
Reward: The Key to the Lock
¡°What does that all mean?¡± I muttered. ¡°Abandoning your earthly ties probably means to let go of your friends and possessions, right?¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Fuck that.¡± I stopped next to Steve, looking at the people nearby. They¡¯d gone all the way back to the far wall of the large room and were yelling at Chris to not come any closer. ¡°Steve.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Do your Simon Says thing,¡± I told him. ¡°And tell them what?¡± ¡°To split into two groups, one with humans and one with Skinstealers.¡± He frowned. ¡°There are more of them?¡± ¡°Out of the seventeen people here, six are not human,¡± Tina commented. She wasn¡¯t using a Looking Glass, but it was clear she had some kind of ability that did the same, or perhaps Nina was whispering the answer into her ears. ¡°Can¡¯t you just do the same thing you just did for each of them?¡± he asked. ¡°But like, farther away. I¡¯m less than 15% from hitting 100¡­¡± ¡°You seem pretty calm about it,¡± Panda noted. ¡°It¡¯s almost like you mellowed out after becoming less sane.¡± ¡°It does help one¡¯s outlook on life a lot,¡± I said. Tina nodded in agreement. ¡°I received a warning when I got the 75% insanity achievement,¡± Steve said. ¡°If I hit 100%, I¡¯ll turn into something dangerous apparently.¡± ¡°It¡¯s called a Boss Monstrosity,¡± Panda replied. ¡°The thing that destroyed the Mall was one of those.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry Steve, I¡¯ll make sure to kill you if that happens,¡± I said comfortingly. He sighed deeply. ¡°Perhaps I should¡¯ve just let the swan eat me.¡± Chris came over to us and asked, ¡°What the hell was that whistle sound? Did you just turn someone into a monster with it??¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it,¡± I replied. Then I pulled the headphones off his neck and placed them over my ears. ¡°Alright, go for it Steve!¡± I yelled. I watched as Steve¡¯s mouth moved. Then, like a wave pulsing out from him, people started to obey his command. Even Chris followed the larger group of people as they went to the wall where David¡¯s dead body lay, while six figures remained by the opposite end. Tina remained put, clearly immune to Steve¡¯s Birthday Brat power. After taking off the headphones and putting them around my neck, I rotated my right shoulder joint and ran towards the six Skinstealers. Tina followed next to me, neon-green energy suffusing her hands and birthing spiraling serpents. Then we disposed of the imposters before they could break free of Steve¡¯s command. Chapter -141 I wiped the blood and viscera off my hands, then turned around to give a thumbs-up to Steve. ¡°Good job, buddy! You were actually useful for once!¡± ¡°Imagine that power in the hands of a villain,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Fairly sure he was heading in that direction, given how he was collecting his own little harem before running into us at the mall,¡± I replied. Steve¡¯s disturbing brainwash ability had worn off, and the people that¡¯d moved to the other end of the chamber looked around in confusion, disgust, and fear. Chris broke from their group and came over to where Tina and I were standing. Steve joined us as well. ¡°Why did you kill those people?¡± Chris asked, sounding less concerned about them and more focused on what he could do to avoid their fate. ¡°They were Skinstealers,¡± I told him. His eye twitched slightly, but he didn¡¯t say anything back. ¡°Tell him about the Soul Compass,¡± Panda urged. ¡°Oh, right.¡± I went through my inventory and brought out the Soul Compass. ¡°You can borrow this.¡± Chris grabbed the wooden box. ¡°Inspect,¡± he said. His eyes widened as he looked through the information, then he lifted the compass up to his mouth and said, ¡°James Anderson.¡± The Soul Compass immediately started spinning, before locking in on a direction. Without a word, Chris immediately found the nearest exit out of the chamber. ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± I told the others, and we quickly followed after him. ¡°Don¡¯t you think there¡¯s a reason they were all hiding here?¡± Steve asked, worried. ¡°Given that the previous two areas had monsters in them, it¡¯s all but certain there¡¯s something here too,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Perhaps the chamber everyone landed in was safe and that¡¯s why they stayed, but who knows?¡± ¡°What about that weird thing with the hands and red face?¡± he continued. ¡°I blew up the door, so it can¡¯t follow us here,¡± I told him. ¡°Blew up the door?¡± ¡°Yeah, I doubt it¡¯ll be a permanent roadblock,¡± Panda remarked negatively. ¡°I like tickles,¡± Tina said. We followed after Chris, as the Soul Compass led him to his brother, moving through corridors with the same mustard-yellow wallpaper and soggy carpeted floors. Each of our steps produced a disgusting squelch and the nasty liquid was soaking into my Schmonic Boots, which had already had a thorough soaking in the Metro Train¡¯s blood. Corridors led to chambers, which then branched into five different new corridors, which themselves led to new chambers, and so on. Weirdly though, no matter how many corridors and chambers we entered, there were always minor differences. A few corridors were narrow, some were maze-like with false ends, and others had pillars down the middle. The chambers were sometimes large like the first one we¡¯d arrived in, some had big pillars spaced evenly throughout, others had square holes in the floor that led to an impenetrable darkness below, and several were shaped like horseshoes or half-moons. ¡°I swear I¡¯ve seen this place before,¡± Steve kept muttering. Although I hated to agree with him, I felt the same way. There was just something eerily-familiar about the place. The fact that there were no windows, doors, or furniture, also just unsettled me in a way I hadn¡¯t really experienced before. Somehow, it reminded me of the Pool Rooms, although perhaps that was just because my feet were wet. We came to a large hallway chamber which stretched out in front of us for what looked like two miles, with darkness down at the far end. There were pillars running along the sides near to the walls, which was odd. There were also two people leaning against the pillars, as though waiting for us. Stolen novel; please report. ¡°I don¡¯t see him¡­¡± Chris muttered. The Compass in his hands was pointing down to the end of the long hallway. ¡°Why are there people here?¡± Steve asked. ¡°They aren¡¯t people,¡± Tina said seriously. I pulled out my Looking Glass and scanned them.
Level 1 ¡®Lisa¡¯ Player x
¡°Can I tell you a secret?¡± Class: Dancer Main Attribute(s): Dexterity & Vitality ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. She wants you to come closer.
Level 4 ¡®Johan Smarts¡¯ Player x
¡°I dropped my glasses, can you help me find them?¡± Class: Archer Main Attribute(s): Dexterity ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. He needs your help.
¡°Yep, they¡¯re Skinstealers as well.¡± Before either Tina or me could move a muscle, Steve immediately ran forward. He pointed a finger at Johan and yelled, ¡°Birthday Pi?ata!¡± The guy, who¡¯d been leaning against one of the pillars, immediately became all wrapped-up in colorful papier-mach¨¦. At the same time, a metal bat appeared in Steve¡¯s hand and he pulled it back behind his head, while thundering forward with a shout. Clonk! As his bat struck the wrapped-up Johan, his head detached from his neck and flew several feet away, while spilling out various types of candy, some of which seemed similar to what Bee and I had looted from the Scion. ¡°Damn, didn¡¯t know he had it in him,¡± I muttered. Then Lisa, who was standing nearby, unzipped down the middle to reveal a mouth full of teeth. Before she could lunge at the unaware Steve, Chris appeared in the air above her, landing with both his daggers into her back, before pulling them down and tearing open huge gouges. I was moving towards them at the same time, but Tina was faster, flinging her arm out to send a neon serpent into the front of Not-Lisa, pumping her full of poison while Chris repeatedly stabbed her in the back. ¡°He¡¯s living up to his Class title,¡± Panda remarked drily. By the time I was even close enough to do anything, Steve had beaten the human pi?ata into something that barely resembled a human shape and scattered candy everywhere, while Chris had finished off the Skinstealer. ¡°Have these things been hanging around all this time?¡± Chris asked, as he wiped the blood off his weapons. ¡°Since before the Great Game even,¡± I told him. Tina nodded, while Steve just shook his head. ¡°Can I have one of those blue candies?¡± Panda asked. Steve bent down to pick one up, before handing it to the plushie. Chris stared at the interaction with his mouth hanging open. ¡°What?¡± I asked him. ¡°Since when was there a talking teddy-bear on your shoulder? And how is it eating??¡± ¡°Uh oh, he¡¯s one of us now,¡± Steve remarked. ¡°We really need to find some Sanity Pills¡­¡± ¡°I just got an achievement,¡± he announced. ¡°¡®Oh God the Voices, Make Them Stop!¡¯ it¡¯s called¡­¡± Steve patted him on the shoulder, as though to say ¡°Welcome to the club¡±. ¡°Insanity gain from exposure to Skinstealers is no joke,¡± Panda noted. ¡°Although, if we¡¯re being real here, it¡¯s really all Gambit¡¯s fault for using the Whistle.¡± I snatched the Soul Compass out of Chris¡¯ hands and saw that it still pointed down towards the end of the long hallway. ¡°Come on. We¡¯ve wasted enough time down here.¡± TICKLE¡­ ¡°Ah shit. Let¡¯s go!¡± The four of us ran down towards the dark end, while the sound of laughter echoed across the corridors and chambers we¡¯d already passed through. ¡°All those other Players are screwed, right?¡± Chris asked. He wasn¡¯t laughing this time, but he was smiling, as were the rest of us. At the end of the long hallway, the compass suddenly pointed to the left and I turned to see another door standing there in-between two pillars. The frame was painted baby-blue. ¡°Another door!?¡± Steve exclaimed. ¡°Don¡¯t be dramatic, let¡¯s just go through before Mr. Hands catches us,¡± Panda told him. I cringed at the nickname, but then took the initiative and pulled open the door. Beyond it was an off-white room with a single bed inside, upon which lay a sleeping blonde-haired boy. ¡°James!¡± Chris exclaimed and ran through. I followed right after him. As we came into the room, a wind brushed my hair and face, before Chris was cut in half in front of my eyes. I immediately crouched to trigger SPRING_HEEL and shoot myself backwards, just as the massive glass blade that¡¯d cut the Backstabber slashed for my neck. I slid along the floor on my back and saw my attacker as he loped towards me like a beast. It was Logan. Chapter -142
?!¡±#/¡è ¡®Logan?¡¯ Voidspawn x
¡°I WILL CLEANSE THIS TIMELINE!¡± Talk about holding a grudge. I mean, you kill a guy¡¯s crazy sister that he clearly has an unhealthy infatuation with and suddenly he decides to sign a deal with the nastiest kind of Demon there is. Then, when that doesn¡¯t work, he somehow survives a Voidspawn hollowing him out and wearing him like a suit, all for the simple purpose of killing you. Yes, this is ¡®technically¡¯ Logan Maximillian. But he is no longer a Player bound by the rules of the System. After you broke open the Dungeon Barrier and exposed his fragile human body to a Voidspawn, he became the vessel for some indescribable entity. Voidspawn are scary, because they don¡¯t play by the rules. It¡¯s rare to see one with an actual goal, since they¡¯re usually just seeking a way into reality for some unknown reason, only to end up dead within moments. We¡¯d use the phrase ¡°like moths to a flame¡±, but it has been deemed hate-speech by the guys upstairs. Anyway, what you should be thinking right now is: I wonder how it will feel when I am consumed by a Voidspawn. We would legitimately tell you how to defeat it if we knew, but your best bet is to stall long enough for one of the Dragonflies of the Voidspawn Defense Force to come deal with it. He is looking at you with a mix of hatred and curiosity.
I quickly stowed the Looking Glass away, while scrambling backwards until I hit one of the off-white walls of the small room within which the boy slept. ¡°Bastard killed Chris!¡± Panda exclaimed in outrage. ¡°I WILL EAT YOUR FLUFFY FLESH, TRICKSTER!¡± Logan exclaimed, his voice like a fork scraping glass. ¡°I think he might be talking to you,¡± I said to Panda, as the monster lunged forward with its sword arms. The resemblance to Logan was basically just the silhouette, as the face itself was without eyes, nose, mouth, or anything else to identify him by. His body did seem to match the original appearance that I¡¯d first encountered him in, but it was like he¡¯d been cast as a glass statue, with the hair on his head stuck in place and his arms warped into long blades. I dodgerolled through his body as he slashed for me. At the same time, Tina and Steve came into the white room. I had no idea if they¡¯d seen what transpired from the other side or if the Venomancer had known something was wrong. Then I recalled Nina¡¯s cryptic words from the past: ¡°The lost child is found in the temple, when the crestfallen hero gets his revenge.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve gotta wake up the Dreamer!¡± Panda yelled to the two of them, when it looked like they¡¯d try to join the fight. Steve kept staring at Chris¡¯ bisected body with a mix of sadness and fear on his face. I put a hand to my chest and brought out my Soul Blade. A purple gummy trident appeared in the grip of my balloon gauntlet and I immediately shot myself towards the Voidspawn with a lunge of the spear. Logan swung for me with both of his arms, but the left blade was returned to sender thanks to Reflective Shell, folding back to strike him in the shoulder. The other blade tore through the side of my abdomen cleanly, just as the tip of my weapon struck the center of the Voidspawn¡¯s body. Following the strike, my Soul Blade disappeared back into my chest. No matter how many times I¡¯d already experienced the effect of ¡®Damage.sleep(3000)¡¯, it was hard to get used to the long delay. You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. Before the Voidspawn could strike back, I followed up my initial attack with a series of quick punches and jabs, then dodgerolled through its glass body and popped up behind it. As soon as it began to turn, a crater was formed in the center of Logan¡¯s chest, creating ripples of cracked glass that moved across its body, which were quickly accompanied by a series of smaller craters appearing from everywhere I¡¯d punched. The Voidspawn¡¯s body exploded into a million balls of glass, plinking into the walls, bed, and the three of us. None of them hurt when they hit me, as though they weighed nothing. ¡°That was easy,¡± I muttered, while I noticed how Tina and Steve¡¯s attempts to touch the sleeping boy were ineffectual, thanks to a protective soap bubble that surrounded him. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Steve asked me, looking away from the Dreamer. ¡°You¡¯re bleeding pretty badly.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I told him. The glass balls began to roll towards each other, before clumping together and starting to take on the shape of Logan again. ¡°Spoke too soon,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°Voidspawn don¡¯t follow the rules, remember.¡± ¡°Then how the fuck am I meant to kill it?¡± TICKLE¡­ TICKLE¡­ Suddenly a bunch of black baby hands appeared in the air, before wrenching open a hole. ¡°Hurry up and wake the damn child!¡± I yelled to Tina. Her bald head sprouted neon-green fiery hair as she replied, ¡°Only the tongue of familiarity may lick the Lost Child¡¯s ear.¡± ¡°Eww, why did you have to phrase it like that!?¡± Panda exclaimed, while Arney was halfway into the small off-white chamber. ¡°The only familiar tongue is Chris¡¯, since they¡¯re brothers, but I don¡¯t think it¡¯s literal!¡± I translated. ¡°Fudge this!¡± Steve shouted, before pulling in a deep breath. Logan finished forming, but instead of heading for me, he leapt for the boy in the bed. Nina immediately moved to defend the child, conjuring a wall of neon-green energy in front of herself. I used SPRING_HEEL to launch myself forward to intercept, because I knew she would die to the Voidspawn¡¯s attacks. Then a loud voice filled the room, right as Arney the Tickler had fully entered. ¡°Steve Says: Wake the fuck up, James!¡± Challenge Complete ¡®You successfully awoke the Dreamer.¡¯ Darkness overtook me, while a sense of falling pulled at my stomach and flared up the pain in my side. Then, suddenly, I was back out in front of the entrance to the bedroom furniture shop titled ¡®Sweet Dreams¡¯. Tina, Steve, and half-a-dozen other people appeared on the sidewalk next to the shop as well. The last person to arrive was a small child: Chris¡¯ brother.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Dreamland first clear¡¯ Cleared Dreamland for the first time.
In hindsight, messing with the Dreamscape was a bad decision on our part. The issue is that it is impossible for us to enforce the rules of our Dungeon in this place, since we do not own the realm. Essentially, we just rent a bit of land and hope that the denizens of that plane of incorporeality don¡¯t mess it all up. Given that not only a Nightmare like the infamous Arney the Tickler appeared, but also a goddamn Voidspawn, we are working hard to shore up other Dungeons based on the Dreamscape. Rest assured that the Dungeon Architects responsible have been downgraded to QA Testers. We would also like to extend our sincere thanks to you for following the design of the Dungeon once again. We hope that you will continue this positive trend of staying within the boundaries of our rules.
Rewards: 50x ¡®Game Coins¡¯ & ¡®Dreamer¡¯s Pillow¡¯
A fluffy white pillow appeared in everybody¡¯s hands. Several of the survivors slumped to the ground and started crying, but I couldn¡¯t tell if it was because they were finally free or because they mourned the loss of their friends. I frowned. If I¡¯d tried to properly understand Nina¡¯s warning, I could¡¯ve saved my best friend Chris. ¡°You couldn¡¯t have known,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Also, why do you keep insisting he is your friend? The guy clearly didn¡¯t want to join us.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I¡¯ll honor Chris by properly killing Logan the Voidspawn next time I see him.¡± ¡°Sure, good luck with that. Also, what are you gonna do about Arney? He¡¯s still on your trail, and I doubt it¡¯ll be long before he figures out how to leave the Dreamscape and come here to tickle you.¡± ¡°Maybe he¡¯ll die permanently if I kill him in the real world,¡± I theorized. Tina and Steve came over with Chris¡¯ little brother. The Venomancer was holding James by the hand, while he just looked around in confusion. ¡°I got the CPS Flare,¡± Tina told me, handing me the item that was rewarded when someone interacted with a Wayward Minor.
¡®Child Protective Services Flare¡¯ x
Ignite to alert the Child Protective Services of a Wayward Minor. Charges: 1/1
Weight: N/A
I took it from her and said, ¡°Let¡¯s not waste any more time. Bee is waiting for us.¡± Chapter -143 ¡°What are we gonna do about James?¡± Steve asked, as I tried to think of the best place to use the flare. I wasn¡¯t too familiar with Madeville, since it wasn¡¯t a place worth visiting, so I was struggling to come up with a good place with lots of space to fight Aphid-Dogs and Minor Wardens. ¡°I hadn¡¯t really thought about that,¡± I replied. ¡°You definitely can¡¯t bring him with you!¡± Panda insisted. ¡°There is a Safe Zone in Madeville¡¯s town hall,¡± Tina said. ¡°We can take him there.¡± ¡°Was that the one made by Matthew Twine?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Yes, his girlfriend is the owner.¡± ¡°That means Gambit¡¯s not invited,¡± the plushie realized. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, if we can find a human corpse, I have a way they won¡¯t notice me.¡± ¡°If we go to the Safe Zone I can finally get some Sanity Pills!¡± Steve exclaimed excitedly. ¡°Wait¡­ Why do you need a corpse?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± Tina suddenly squeezed the pillow in her hand, then smacked it into my face. A second later, her fluffy weapon evaporated into butterflies. James¡¯ eyes widened and then he started laughing. ¡°What¡¯d you do that for!?¡± I asked her. ¡°The pillow told me to,¡± she said. I inspected the reward from the Dungeon and realized what she meant.
¡®Dreamer¡¯s Pillow¡¯ x
To unlock the power within this item, you have to do the only thing you¡¯re meant to do with a pillow. We promise that this is not a fetish thing!
Weight: 1 Panda
Without any hesitation, I smacked Steve in the face with my pillow and it exploded into a cloud of feathers that quickly vanished. James laughed loudly while Steve cursed up a self-censored storm of expletives like fudge, mother-father, dagnabbit, heck, and frick.
Choose your reward! x
Look. Clean, fun, and amusing. Nothing even remotely sexual about¡ª Aaaand we just sold the footage for more money than all our previous fetish clips combined¡­ Turns out that Sloth Demons really like pillow-related stuff and these guys are freaking stacked, willingly forking out a lot of moolah for this clip!
Pick one of the options: ¡®wakeUp¡¯ | ¡®Night-Night¡¯ | ¡®Is this real life?¡¯ If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
¡®wakeUp¡¯ x
Ability It was all just a dream. Break free of any metaphysical shackles that bind you. Cooldown: 5 minutes
¡®Night-Night¡¯ x
Ability Weaponized NyQuil. Bet you never heard that phrase before! Ehh¡­ I¡¯m being informed that you people have been overdosing on that stuff for decades¡­ Some people even used it in cooking!? What is wrong with you? And what the hell is NyQuil Chicken?? You know, the whole ¡°maybe we¡¯re the bad guys for turning your species¡¯ extinction into a gameshow¡± argument has finally met its match. It¡¯s like you humans were already trying to make yourselves go extinct¡­ Target a humanoid and force them to sleep. If their Wisdom is higher than your Intelligence, the spell rebounds. If the target is caffeinated, the spell will fail. Any damage to the target will wake them up. Duration: 10 minutes Cooldown: 15 minutes
¡®Is this real life?¡¯ x
Ability Sometimes you just can¡¯t tell. Summon a spinning top that will spin indefinitely if you aren¡¯t in reality. To be honest, we don¡¯t know how this is useful. Like, let¡¯s say you use it and realize you aren¡¯t in reality. What now?
Without needing to consider it a lot, I picked ¡®wakeUp¡¯, since it had the most potential out of them all. As soon as my choice was locked in, Steve took his own pillow and swung it for my head, but I dodgerolled through him and he whiffed. As I emerged behind him, he looked torn between whether trying to hit me again or going for Tina. ¡°I will gut you,¡± she warned him. Steve spun around and swung for me again, but I hopped out of the way. As he chased after me with the pillow, yelling at me to stop, James continued to laugh loudly. Perhaps thanks to the infectiousness of child laughter or maybe due to our ridiculous display, the people who¡¯d been ejected from the dungeon all seemed to lighten up a little. Within a minute, a full on pillow brawl was underway, while everybody laughed and shouted loudly. I was standing atop the longboard, as we went towards the Madeville town hall. Tina was riding her neon-green serpent with James seated in front of her. The boy seemed to have opened up more, although it was clear he had lost his memories, but maybe that was for the best. Steve was using the ability he¡¯d gotten from smacking some random woman with his pillow, after giving up on hitting me. It was a floating couch-sized pillow wrapped in what looked like a 90¡¯s arcade carpet, with the associated stink of old pizza, floor varnish, and cigarette ash. Printed on top it said ¡®Happy Birthday, Steve!¡¯. The other people from the challenge dungeon were following behind us. Despite the Birthday Brat inviting some of the women onto his new ride, not a single one of them took him up on the offer. There were very few enemies on the road to the town hall and Tina said it was because the Players here were diligent in defeating the various dungeons before they started releasing monsters. Apparently, the satyr William Twine and his raincoat-angel brother, as well as Logan and Ophelia Maximillian, had created a robust group of people that taught the weak how to fight back and earn levels. ¡°Just think,¡± Panda mused. ¡°If you hadn¡¯t screwed everything up, Castleburg could be like this as well.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way that would¡¯ve happened,¡± I told him, as I rolled closer to the green serpent. ¡°Hey Tina, is the Humanbus in this area still alive?¡± ¡°The Satyr is hunting it,¡± she replied cheerfully. I frowned. I wanted to capture it and use my Safe Zone Sphere to make it into a mobile base, but right now Bee was more important. As soon as we got to the town hall, we¡¯d find somewhere to drop off James, buy the supplies we needed, and then head out to summon the hive ship with the flare. ¡°We¡¯re here,¡± Tina said, when we rounded the end of a street and were met with a large red brick building. Above the door it helpfully stated ¡®Town Hall¡¯. There was just one issue. The Twine brothers hated me for killing Ophelia and Logan, so I was 100% a persona non grata in the Safe Zone. ¡°Time to go corpse hunting,¡± I said. ¡°I need a disguise.¡± Chapter -144 Since Steve was in a hurry to get some Sanity Pills and Tina said staying outdoors was dangerous for James, Panda and I were left by ourselves as the three of them went into the Madeville town hall. ¡°Some friends,¡± I muttered. ¡°Are they actually your friends?¡± Panda asked. ¡°I guess not. Steve is the reason we¡¯re in this mess to begin with and Tina¡¯s more like a prison friend.¡± ¡°What the hell is a prison friend?¡± ¡°You know, someone you¡¯re only friends with in the institution, but on the outside you avoid each other.¡± ¡°So like classmates.¡± ¡°Basically.¡± ¡°How are you going to find a disguise though? Wait, is the reason why you need a corpse because you¡¯re gonna use the unFake Plugin?¡± I pulled the floppy disc out of my inventory, holding it aloft. ¡°Exactly.¡±
¡®unFake Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª Sometimes, for everyone¡¯s sake, it¡¯s better just to fake it. Fake that it feels good. Fake that love is real. Fake that you¡¯re happy. Fake that you are exactly who you say you are. ¡°A lie travels round the world, while truth is putting her boots on.¡± Plugin Ability: fauxPas Plugin Passive: Day.opposite( )
Weight: 6.1115 Pandas
¡®fauxPas¡¯ x
Plugin Ability ¡®Johnny, is that you my boy!?¡¯ *The boy¡¯s face opens up to reveal that it is, in fact, not Johnny* Target a corpse and claim its identity, becoming its mirror image. The disguise only lasts so long as you never utter a single lie. Cooldown: 3 hours
¡®Day.opposite( )¡¯ x
Plugin Passive Isn¡¯t it true what you didn¡¯t not say? Everything you say that¡¯s true is perceived as a lie, and every falsehood is considered truth.
I opened the front of my unicorn suit to access the floppy disks and pulled out the one labeled ¡®unHero¡¯.
¡®unHero Plugin¡¯ x
¡ªPLUGIN¡ª For the unHeroic deed of killing a popular and kind-hearted Player in cold blood, you have earnt the title of ¡®villain¡¯. Wear it proudly. It¡¯s time to manifest your dark inner self. Plugin Ability: gasm.org If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Plugin Passive: Anti Heroism
Weight: 1.4851815 Pandas
¡®Anti Heroism¡¯ was the thing that made me turn morally good Players insane with my damage, and ¡®gasm.org¡¯ allowed me to steal someone¡¯s skill. I wasn¡¯t counting on having to actually kill another person to assume their identity, so I figured I didn¡¯t need it right now. Not to mention, I hadn¡¯t used it a lot. ¡°You know, if you had used gasm.org when Steve showed up during the ant fight, you wouldn¡¯t have died,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Don¡¯t you ¡®um actually¡¯ me! If you had been a better companion, you¡¯d have told me to use it. Just admit it, you forgot about it just like me.¡± PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unHero¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unFake¡¯ protocol now in effect! I buttoned up my shirt and jacket to hide away the plugins. ¡°Let¡¯s see if we can¡¯t find some unfortunate bastard who got mauled by monsters.¡± ¡°Woah, that¡¯s weird,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I know that you mean the opposite of what I just heard come out of your mouth, but man, this Opposite Day passive is super bizarre.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Panda paused, blinking rapidly. It looked like his brain was having a meltdown. ¡°Alright, let me just repeat back to you what you said.¡± ¡°Go for it.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t do it?¡± he asked, confused. ¡°Oh wait, ugh, right, so¡­ Man this is hard. You said: ¡®I hope we can find a fortunate hero who outsmarted the beasts¡¯.¡± ¡°That¡¯s weird,¡± I replied. ¡°No, wait, that¡¯s normal.¡± ¡°You¡¯re totally fucked as soon as you use Faux Pas,¡± Panda told me honestly. ¡°You have to keep saying the opposite or the disguise will break.¡± ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± I told him. ¡°Damn straight it¡¯ll be a problem!¡± Panda agreed. I shook my head, then tapped the quartz-like transport cage in my front pocket. ¡°Lordie, are you there?¡± The hand-spider materialized atop my head. ¡°Meow?¡± he immediately asked. It sounded like he was remorseful. ¡°Chris? He¡¯s, uh, he¡¯s dead.¡± ¡°Me-ow¡­?¡± ¡°No it¡¯s not because he followed your ridiculous advice.¡± ¡°Meow.¡± ¡°Sure. Anyway, I need your help finding a corpse or something humanoid-looking.¡± ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°Wait, really? It was totally a shot in the dark. I didn¡¯t know you could do that.¡± ¡°I have absolutely no idea what is happening,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Lordie is able to point us in the direction of a Skinstealer.¡± Panda narrowed his eyes, as he tried to sift through my sentence to figure out how to interpret it. I sighed, scrunching up my brow as I tried to repeat the phrase but in backwards-speak. ¡°Peasant isn¡¯t capable of indicating a¡­ What¡¯s the opposite of skin? Anyway, that, a not-skin-giver.¡± Panda repeated my words as he heard them: ¡°¡®The King can show a synonym of insides. Additionally, a skin-taker.¡¯¡± ¡°Yes, that! Wait, no, incorrect!¡± ¡°Take the fucking plugin out,¡± Panda told me. ¡°This is giving me an aneurysm.¡± I was hiding in the shadow next to a post office and grocer that¡¯d turned into a dungeon. Across the street, which had the deep furrow left behind by a Humanbus and piled-up cars, were four Players. Three men and a woman. As I scanned them with my Looking Glass, I thought the woman might be the one, since I figured a Skinstealer would have an easier time blending in that way. After all, guys were generally less observant about oddities when it came to women. ¡°That¡¯s a sexist stereotype,¡± Panda replied. ¡°I¡¯ve yet to meet someone who didn¡¯t prove it was true.¡± The ¡®target¡¯ ended up being a slightly-chubby guy with a red-brown beard, receding hairline, and ill-fitting armor. He also had a vacant thousand-yard stare, as though just idly waiting until a good opportunity to strike would arise.
Level 7 ¡®Nate Asher¡¯ Player x
¡°I give the best hugs. Want one?¡± Class: Good Guy Main Attribute(s): Athleticism & Vitality ERROR! Cannot retrieve background information. He wants to hug his friends.
¡°Level 7, huh?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a ¡®Good Guy¡¯, what the hell is that?¡± I muttered. ¡°The human equivalent of a golden retriever? Just don¡¯t let him hug you.¡± I scanned the other three just to be certain it was just the one Skinstealer. The woman¡¯s name was Emma and she was a Level 6 Dexterity-based ¡®Stabber¡¯ Class; the other two men were called Benji and Henry O¡¯Brien, with a ¡®Meatshield¡¯ and ¡®Powerhouse¡¯ Class respectively. They were both Level 8. It seem their group was entirely melee-based. ¡°Me-ow!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not gonna do that. I only need to kill the Skinstealer.¡± ¡°Did he want you to kill them all?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Of course.¡± I reinstalled the plugin and walked out of the shadows, crossing the road to reach them. Lordie dutifully disappeared into his cage. ¡°Hey friends!¡± I called. ¡°¡®Goodbye enemies¡¯?¡± Panda repeated, confused. A paused mid-step. I¡¯d already forgotten about the Opposite Day passive. The four Players looked at me, seeming alarmed. It also looked like I¡¯d jumpscared them with my sudden appearance, thanks to my unHaunt Plugin. All of them, except for Nate the Skinstealer, lifted their weapons and squared up, preparing for a confrontation. ¡°I was leaving to keep a secret that your enemy is real.¡± Panda laughed, before repeating back what had come out of my mouth, ¡°¡®You were coming to inform that my friend is fake.¡¯¡± I sighed, then pointed at the Skinstealer and said, slowly, ¡°Not-Him is not-human.¡± The three looked between them, before looking at Nate. ¡°I think it¡¯s working, keep it up!¡± Panda encouraged. ¡°Have not-you not noticed not-him is not-acting abnormal?¡± ¡°Nate has been a bit strange since that last dungeon,¡± the Meatshield agreed. The other two nodded. ¡°But, who are you?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t not-you haven¡¯t discarded not-seeing not-glass?¡± I asked them. ¡°Gambit, this is a mess, you¡¯re making very little sense.¡± I pulled the Looking Glass out of my inventory and pointed to it. ¡°Just take the plugin out!¡± Panda yelled at me. ¡°It doesn¡¯t even need to be installed until you¡¯re actually using Faux Pas!¡± I knew he was right, but I was too committed to back down now. The Players seemed to realize what I meant, and they pulled out their own Looking Glasses and appraised Nate through them. ¡°Uhh¡­¡± said the woman. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s weird,¡± responded the Meatshield. Then Nate responded by unzipping his whole body down the middle and revealing a massive toothy maw. His friends all backed away in fear and surprise. I threw my Looking Glass back into my inventory and shot myself forward with SPRING_HEEL, driving my balloon gauntlet into the middle of its open mouth. ¡°Fak yuu, creep!!¡± Brock squealed. After landing my strike, I hopped back a few steps as the Skinstealer tried to chomp down on me. Then the 3-second delay passed and the middle of its body just disappeared in a mist of blood with a loud wet thwack. The Skinstealer collapsed onto the ground, instantly dead. I went over to it and prepared to use Faux Pas, but the other Players were looking at me in shock. ¡°Please look at me!¡± ¡°That¡¯s a harsh way to word that,¡± Panda commented. The three immediately turned away, perhaps fearing my power. I focused on Nate Asher¡¯s fucked-up Skinstealer body and then said, ¡°Faux Pas.¡± From one moment to the next, the dead corpse vanished and my body changed shape into that of a chubby man with a receding hairline and red-brown beard. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me,¡± I said, my voice now that of a guy with a slight lisp, as though his tongue didn¡¯t know where it was meant to go. ¡°This is extremely weird,¡± Panda muttered. He was still sitting on my shoulder, though he now had a lot more space since I¡¯d grown both wider and taller. The three Players turned back around. ¡°Nate?¡± asked the Meatshield. He scanned me with the Looking Glass still in his hand, but seemed satisfied with the info it showed him. ¡°It¡¯s back to normal again. Weird.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so confused,¡± said the woman. ¡°Me too,¡± agreed the Powerhouse. ¡°Where did the guy with the weird eye and suit go?¡± ¡°You¡¯re staying,¡± I said. ¡°Where are you going?¡± I scratched my new beard. ¡°If you¡¯re looking for how to say ¡®town hall¡¯, then I can¡¯t help you,¡± Panda said. Instead of trying to figure out the way to phrase it, I just pointed in the direction of the Safe Zone. ¡°Good idea, we¡¯ll go too. This dungeon seems a bit too difficult for us anyway.¡± ¡°I hope this Nate guy was a quiet type,¡± Panda joked, when I was joined by the three other Players as I headed back to the town hall. Chapter -145 By the time I made it to the Safe Zone with my new group of friends, I¡¯d already said ¡°Damn that¡¯s crazy¡± in reverse-speak about eight times. Still, no one had noticed that I wasn¡¯t the real Nate Asher. ¡°They¡¯re gonna catch on,¡± Panda insisted. As I climbed the steps up to the town hall¡¯s front door, Emma said, out of nowhere, ¡°Nate sure became a lot more talkative since that weird guy with the eye showed up.¡± The other two both nodded. ¡°He¡¯s finally coming out of his shell,¡± Henry agreed. ¡°I thought for sure he¡¯d never get over watching his parents, his three brothers, two sisters, aunt, uncles, and wife get brutally murdered in front of him in that torture dungeon.¡± ¡°Holy shit!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°No wonder this guy became a Skinstealer. His mind must¡¯ve been totally wrecked.¡± ¡°You¡¯re bad friends,¡± I said honestly. ¡°Aww, thank you!¡± Emma exclaimed. ¡°Let¡¯s definitely stick together,¡± I added. ¡°You¡¯re leaving?¡± Benji asked, as he heard the reverse of what I¡¯d said. I nodded. It was easier than trying to explain myself. ¡°You¡¯ve gotten good at this,¡± Panda praised me. I walked through the door to the town hall and was greeted by an announcement. WARNING! Now entering Safe Zone ¡®Castle Twine¡¯! I groaned at the horribly-narcissistic name. Perhaps the Twine brothers were no different than Logan and Ophelia. The entrance of the Safe Zone was like a lobby with a few offices that¡¯d been turned into shops, with one run by a hovering milky-white jellyfish that looked like it sold healing items. It had about a foot of water inside the store and there were two crustacean humanoids guarding the entrance. Next to it was a pharmacy run by a pink axolotl. It looked identical to the one in the Serenity Park Mall, with rows of items and a simple counter. Since I didn¡¯t see Steve inside, I figured he¡¯d probably already burnt his coins on Sanity Pills. There was also a pawn shop along the other wall, with three Players lined up in front of the security door. A dark crustacean stood in front of the shop, wearing a bulletproof vest and trying to look intimidating. None of the people in line were anyone I knew. From the lobby was a set of double doors directly opposite the entrance and a stairwell leading up. I went up the stairs, since I figured it¡¯d give me a better view. At the top it led to a U-shaped gallery that looked down on the hall below, which had a stage at the far end. ¡°This place is way smaller than the Mall,¡± Panda remarked. Despite the town hall¡¯s size, it had a lot of Vendors crammed into the place, as well as a Safe Zone Token arcade and a familiar carapace-covered character, who leaned against a large metal box full of wares. There were a lot of Players around, walking to-and-fro or haggling with Vendors. It took me a second to notice Tina, James, and Steve standing in front of Shellby the Wandering Smith. The Birthday Brat was haggling with the Triops about something. I walked over to them and Tina looked away from the items on display, giving me a nod. Steve didn¡¯t notice me right away though, since he was too focused on an item he wanted to buy. I scanned Shellby¡¯s metal box and saw that most of her items were sold, though she still had two Tinctures of Full Recovery, some Curse-Lifting Powder, the Golden Fusion Urchin, and the Fur Collar I¡¯d sold her. There was an additional item, which was listed at 1200 coins, and it was what Steve wanted to buy. I frowned as I inspected it.
¡®Announcer¡¯s Microphone¡¯ x
Sing your heart out! (Auto-tune not included) Amplifies both the range and volume of your voice by four times their normal values. Increases Aural Damage by 35%
Weight: 3.2 Pandas
¡°Why is she selling that?¡± Panda wondered. Steve froze and turned to look at me. He blinked rapidly in confusion as he saw my face and Panda sitting on my shoulder. ¡°Tina? Are there more than one insanity panda?¡± he asked, his eyes locked on me. ¡°I¡¯m the one and only,¡± Panda said with a wink and a smug grin. I sighed. ¡°Why are you wearing the skin of Nate Asher?¡± Tina asked me. Steve looked between me and her. Then he finally seemed to realize. ¡°Gambit!? Is that you!?¡± A few Players turned in our direction at his outburst. ¡°Sure, tell everybody, you idiot!¡± I hissed. ¡°¡®No, don¡¯t tell everyone, you genius¡¯?¡± he repeated slowly. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. I pinched the bridge of my nose, while trying my hardest to not throttle him. ¡°Why does Shellby have the item that Bee was carrying?¡± I asked. Steve and Tina looked confused, while James was just looking up at me in amusement. ¡°He wants to know why she¡¯s selling the Microphone,¡± Panda repeated. ¡°It dropped from the Announcer that Gambit and Bee killed. She had it in her inventory when she was kidnapped by the ants.¡± Tina nodded, quick on the uptake. Then she raised the question to Shellby. The Triops fixed its three eyes on me and said, ¡°I find my wares here-and-there. Sometimes on the dead that wash into the sewers, sometimes at the bottom of lakes, and occasionally on the loot left behind without an owner.¡± I grabbed Shellby by her carapace-covered shoulders. ¡°Where did you get this!? Did you find it on Bee¡¯s body!?¡± I asked her urgently. ¡°Gambit, you¡¯re not making any sense.¡± Shellby looked from Panda to me, and I recalled that she¡¯d been able to see him thanks to the third eye with the X-shaped pupil. ¡°I did not find your friend, no. The item fell from the sky as I was traveling to Madeville through the forested mountain.¡± I let go of Shellby¡¯s shoulders. ¡°That shouldn¡¯t be far from where you fought the CPS. She must¡¯ve tried to leave a trail or something,¡± Panda guessed. I ground my teeth in frustration. We¡¯d already wasted too much time. Suddenly a hand fell on my shoulder. ¡°Nate, you shouldn¡¯t yell at the Vendors,¡± said Henry. Benji and Emma were standing behind him. ¡°My name isn¡¯t Nate,¡± I replied. LIAR! ¡®Faux Pas¡¯ deactivated! My borrowed body shed away like a second skin. As soon as I was back to normal, Lordie hopped out of the transport cage to sit atop my head. ¡°What the fuck!?¡± Henry exclaimed and pulled his hand away as though he¡¯d been burnt. I opened the top of my suit and took out the unFake plugin, then I slotted unHero back in again. PLUGIN UNINSTALLED. ¡®unFake¡¯ protocol no longer in effect! PLUGIN INSTALLED. ¡®unHero¡¯ protocol now in effect! ¡°If you touch me again I¡¯ll break your fingers,¡± I told him. Suddenly two achievements hit me, followed by an announcement.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Safe Zone Infiltrator¡¯ Entered a Safe Zone under disguise.
There are lots of reasons to want to remain anonymous and this is actually an achievement we¡¯ve given out quite a lot already. Of course, you¡¯re the first person to do it that way. The closest to your method would be that one guy in France who snuck into a Safe Zone, while literally wearing another person¡¯s skin. Yeah¡­ That guy is pretty fun to watch.
Reward: 10x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Naughty Neighbor¡¯ Failed to disclose your amoral history in a Safe Zone.
We were pretty clear about the fact that, when you enter a new neighborhood, you have to disclose the fact that you¡¯re on the Amoral Registry for the crime of public exposure in a school zone. You may be wondering why this didn¡¯t trigger already, but that¡¯s thanks to your species¡¯ confusing way of labeling cities and towns. Anyway, the CPS immediately flagged you as soon as you stepped foot in the Safe Zone of a different town. The ants don¡¯t really understand the concept of ¡®Let the punishment fit the crime¡¯, so they¡¯re sending everything to punish you.
Reward: Becoming an Aphid-Dog¡¯s chewing toy
WARNING! Child Protective Services have come to publicly execute the registered Amoral Pervert known as ¡®Gambit¡¯ for the following crimes: Failure to disclose his amoral history when moving into a new neighborhood. Kidnapping the Wayward Minors known as ¡®James Anderson¡¯ & ¡®Bee¡¯. Killing countless Child Protective Services Agents. Public exposure in a school zone. All Players found to be colluding with this registered Amoral Pervert will be executed alongside him. If you bring him outside the Safe Zone, you will be spared. I took a deep breath. ¡°Maybe we didn¡¯t need the flare after all,¡± I said. Steve looked panicked, while Nate¡¯s friends seemed on the verge of attacking me. I grabbed the Microphone from Shellby¡¯s box. ¡°This belongs to my friend.¡± She nodded. ¡°I¡¯m also buying this,¡± I said, grabbing the Golden Fusion Urchin that no one else had bought yet. ¡°That¡¯ll be 2400 coins.¡± I handed her the money and was left with 218.01 coins as a result. But I knew it was a good trade. Tina immediately purchased the remaining Tinctures. Steve was looking down the end of the gallery and over the side, where people were running around like headless chickens. ¡°What do we do!?¡± he yelled. I pulled out the obsidian headphones and handed the Announcer¡¯s Microphone to Steve. ¡°Tell them all to stay inside the Safe Zone and protect James. Oh, and add that we¡¯re the good guys.¡± Steve¡¯s eyes widened. With the microphone, he¡¯d be able to affect everyone in the entire Safe Zone. I put the headphones on and gave him a thumbs up with Brock. When he didn¡¯t immediately use his ¡®Steve Says¡¯ power, the balloon gauntlet piped up. ¡°Sing ya cunt!!¡± The Birthday Brat looked at my gauntlet with a shocked expression, but then he lifted the microphone. As his voice became amplified, I felt every syllable as a slap on my chest. I saw how everyone around us and below immediately calmed down. Panicked and worried faces turned to determination. Nate¡¯s friends immediately walked over to James and Benji lifted him up onto his shoulders. Tina, Steve, and I walked towards the exit, while Chris¡¯ little brother waved at us. It was finally time to board the CPS¡¯ hive ship. Chapter -146 We passed by a bunch of Players on the short walk from the second floor to the lobby. Every single one of them was facing towards the entrance, while also trying to get to where James was. The way their eyes were completely blank was kind of creepy. ¡°This power is really something,¡± Panda remarked, looking around. ¡°I don¡¯t see a single person not under the effect of Steve¡¯s spell.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not usually this strong,¡± the Birthday Brat admitted. ¡°The Aural Damage is increasing the potency,¡± Tina commented as though it was obvious. It seemed an unlikely interaction, but, then again, the way my punches were counted was also clearly not right. The Venomancer paused as we entered the lobby. I turned to ask why, when a strong hand grabbed my right shoulder. ¡°What the fuck did you do to my Safe Zone,¡± hissed a gravelly male voice. ¡°They forced me to do it!¡± Steve squealed. The idiot was still holding the microphone I¡¯d given him. I put my gauntleted hand on the newcomer¡¯s red-purple arm and yanked it off. Brock¡¯s curse didn¡¯t trigger, probably because of the Safe Zone rules. Strangely, Steve¡¯s ability hadn¡¯t counted as an attack, which was a pretty massive exploit. The newcomer was a devil-looking humanoid with a red Billy Goat beard, ram¡¯s horns, goat ears, furry hooves, and red-purple skin. A simple bow that looked like it was carved from a gnarled tree branch hung around his shoulder and his hands were covered in rings. I couldn¡¯t tell if any of them were special or not. ¡°William,¡± Tina said. ¡°Get out of our way or I¡¯ll dunk your head in acid like I did your girlfriend.¡± The guy narrowed his sharp red-hot eyes. ¡°How¡¯d you get back in here? You were banned last time...¡± I blinked in surprise and looked to Tina. I¡¯d thought for sure I was number one on their shitlist, but if they¡¯d been dealing with Tina and Nina since the beginning of the Great Game, then they were unlikely to be good friends. She had a way of always seeking out the strongest people and trying to fuck with them. It was how we¡¯d met at the asylum. Steve looked surprised as well, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Then realization hit me. ¡°You¡¯re William Twine?¡± I asked. ¡°Are you slow or something?¡± he replied. ¡°Gambit, seriously¡­?¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Your brother got me killed and stole two items from me,¡± I said. ¡°I know. I was the one who told him to get those.¡± I clenched my fist. ¡°Gambit, hold up!¡± Panda urged. ¡°Get out of our way,¡± I said. ¡°Unless you want to die.¡± The Satyr laughed mockingly. ¡°Try me.¡± ¡°Steve, get him to leave the Safe Zone,¡± I said. ¡°I can¡¯t!¡± he replied. ¡°If I use it again, the previous effect will be overridden.¡± I groaned. ¡°We don¡¯t have time for this.¡± To emphasize my point, a massive thump and resultant tremor came from just outside the town hall. ¡°Didn¡¯t the CPS just kill you earlier?¡± asked William. ¡°You¡¯re going to fight them again?¡± I gritted my teeth and barreled through him. It wasn¡¯t enough to trigger the Safe Zone auto-ban for damaging another Player, but it was enough to forcefully knock him aside. Tina and Steve pushed past him when he tried to stop them as well, but despite his attitude he wasn¡¯t very strong. ¡°I kind of figured this guy would be more of a menace,¡± Panda muttered. He seemed disappointed. ¡°Come back here you bastards!¡± he growled as we exited the Safe Zone. WARNING! Now exiting Safe Zone ¡®Castle Twine¡¯! Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. As soon as we stepped out of the building, a massive Aphid-Dog noticed us from only about thirty yards away and immediately began bounding toward us. ¡°Oh shit!¡± Steve exclaimed and ran back into the Safe Zone. Except he couldn¡¯t enter. The threshold had become like a solid wall, even though the doors were open. ¡°It says we can¡¯t enter the Safe Zone while in combat!¡± he exclaimed in terror. ¡°Meow,¡± Lordie said and disappeared back into his cage. Tina ran forward while neon-green hair appeared atop her bald head, immediately beginning to fling her venomous spells at the giant insect beast. ¡°Gambit, look! There¡¯s no rider on it!¡± True enough, there was no Captain sitting behind its big head. It was similar to the other giant beetles I¡¯d seen before, but it¡¯s carapace was much thicker. Each of the Aphid¡¯s six legs had massive claws attached and its front mandibles were capped with giant scythes. It also had three carapace-covered turrets grown into the front of its natural armor. These swiveled around as they searched for targets and looked like a cross between a ballista and an anti-air battery. It looked way more dangerous than a Minor Warden or Queenguard. I pulled out my Looking Glass and quickly appraised it.
Level 60 ¡®Cupcake¡¯ Executioner x
¡°[I would like to eat you.]¡± Job: Executioner Aphid-Dog Affiliation: Child Protective Services Unlike other Aphid-Dogs, this good boy isn¡¯t controlled by a Minor Collector Captain. Instead, he has been trained specifically to operate on his own. He can sniff out an Amoral Pervert from about ten miles away, even though he doesn¡¯t have a nose. He also loves to inflict pain. These big balls of murder are scary enough as is, but, for some incomprehensible reason, someone thought it was a good idea to give them a speech module, which translates their thoughts into words. Back during the Agency War, these guys were deemed a literal war crime to deploy in battle, but it¡¯s A-OK in the GREAT GAME. Granted, that¡¯s mostly due to the fact that Players aren¡¯t considered to have rights. If he kills you he gets a treat, so he¡¯s pretty excited.
¡°Ah shit,¡± I muttered. ¡°How the fuck are we supposed to get a Transponder if they won¡¯t send a Captain!?¡± ¡°Are we even sure we can trust the intel of your Benefactor?¡± Panda asked. It was a fair question, given that I¡¯d killed several Captains already and hadn¡¯t gotten a single Transponder out of it. ¡°The Hive Ship is still above us,¡± Steve muttered from where he hid behind me. As I looked up, William Twine came out through the Safe Zone entrance with his bow in hand. He froze as he saw the giant beast hurtling for the town hall. ¡°It¡¯s a shame none of us can fly,¡± Steve continued. I looked down at him, then back up at the black shape in the sky. ¡°I just got an amazing idea! Tina, uh, I mean Nina, come here!" The Venomancer launched a giant green serpent at the Aphid-Dog and ran back to where we stood in front of Castle Twine. The energy serpent managed to stop the beast for a couple seconds, but then his turrets and scythe mandibles tore it apart. ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to kill it?¡± Steve asked. ¡°We don¡¯t need to,¡± I told him. What I didn¡¯t mention was that the things that would help me defeat it, like the Rebel¡¯s Ring and Crimson Claymore, were on cooldown. Plus, if I defeated it, they would just send more or cut their losses and fly away. No, leaving it alive served my goal more than trying to kill it, especially now that I¡¯d realized a way to get to the Hive Ship without a Transponder. ¡°What the fuck did you bring to my doorstep!?¡± William exclaimed, raising his bow towards the giant insect. It¡¯d smash into the front of the town hall in approximately twelve seconds. I ignored him. ¡°Here we go! hole.Worm( )!¡± ERROR! Target destination is too far. I frowned. ¡°Shit. Okay, different idea, but equally good! Steve, Nina, grab an arm each.¡± They both did as I asked without question, which was a nice change for once. Of course, they would no doubt regret it in a moment. ¡°Rules of Anarchy(Fuck Gravity)!¡± I shouted. The ground trembled like an earthquake as the Aphid-Dog tore up the road to get to me. The three turrets on its armor started shooting giant spikes at us, each releasing a loud thud with their impacts, though their accuracy was poor thanks to the beast¡¯s bounding motion as it ran. Rules of Anarchy Activated! Passive Selected: Fuck Gravity Description: Gravity has no control over you. I grinned as I saw that the passive did exactly what I¡¯d hoped. ¡°What happens now?¡± Steve asked. I cast him a wink, then crouched to trigger SPRING_HEEL, before performing a powerful leap and shooting myself into the air. I wasn¡¯t quite sure why, though I guessed it was because I weighed more than them, but Tina and Steve were easily pulled along as we flew towards the Hive Ship in the sky above. And we didn¡¯t stop. We just kept on flying into the air, higher-and-higher. As I fell upward, I felt the Manhunter¡¯s Badge point straight at the enormous black ship. ¡°We¡¯re coming, Bee!¡± I yelled excitedly. Steve was screaming his lungs out. Nina quickly transformed back into Tina, who couldn¡¯t stop laughing. Then Panda asked, ¡°How are you planning on slowing down?¡± Chapter -147 Tina wrapped her green serpents around the three of us, although it was awkward since I had flipped upside-down and they hadn¡¯t. Above me, which was below them, was the distant town hall of Madeville. I couldn¡¯t see William Twine anywhere, but several Players seemed to be defending the Safe Zone from the giant Executioner Aphid-Dog. They were being torn to shreds by its aggressive turrets. The pull on my stomach as I fell upwards toward the Hive Ship was accompanied by an increasingly-painful pressure on my ears, just like the experience of sitting in a plane during takeoff. Steve was no longer screaming, but instead just ragdolled unconsciously while strapped to Tina and me. Meanwhile, Panda was inexplicably sitting on my shoulder as though our incredible velocity didn¡¯t affect him, but, then again, it wouldn¡¯t be the first time he defied reality. ¡°I think I can control the effect!¡± I yelled into the whooshing air. ¡°You think??¡± Panda replied pessimistically. ¡°The passive said gravity has no control over me, so I should be able to control it.¡± ¡°That makes no sense,¡± he said. ¡°If you can¡¯t slow us down, I¡¯ll try something,¡± Tina commented in-between excited laughs. Below my pee-stained-white Schmonic Boots was the black outer shell of the Hive Ship, which just grew-and-grew as I continued to fall. After twenty straight minutes and with a head that felt like it might pop from the pressure, the ship was the only thing I saw in the sky below. ¡°It¡¯s fucking huge!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°Makes sense, doesn¡¯t it? It houses all the human children of earth after all,¡± Panda commented. Tina stopped laughing. ¡°My children are waiting for me up there.¡± I blinked in surprise. ¡°You have children!? Since when??¡± ¡°Since five months ago,¡± she answered. ¡°They were taken from me a week before the Great Game began.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry!¡± I told her. ¡°We¡¯ll get them back.¡± ¡°I know. Nina said you would be able to save them.¡± Tina raised her head to look up, which was my down, before adding, ¡°There¡¯s a hundred feet until we collide.¡± ¡°Oh shit!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Gambit, if you¡¯re gonna slow us down, you¡¯ve gotta do it now!¡± I focused and, though it would be impossible to explain how, was able to intuitively ¡®relax¡¯ the momentum my reversed gravity had. While I rapidly slowed my upwards fall, Steve spasmed awake with a loud gasp, only to immediately begin screaming. I lost control of the effect and we suddenly plummeted back down to earth for a couple seconds, before I managed to flip the gravity back around. Then we were leisurely floating towards the underside of the Hive Ship. I rubbed my hands excitedly. ¡°This will be so much fun to use in a fight.¡± ¡°If you can control it properly, it¡¯ll definitely make you super powerful,¡± Panda agreed. My squishy boots touched down on the black shell of the enormous spaceship. The landing was gentle enough that I didn¡¯t even feel the impact. Tina and Steve were still oriented right-way-up, which made it very bizarre as their heads were down around my knees when I began walking. ¡°I¡¯m gonna hurl,¡± Steve groaned. ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± I told him. My face was in the direct line of fire. He shut his eyes and shook his head. ¡°Just find a way for us to get inside. Hurry!¡± Tina, unfazed by the confusing situation, pointed off in a direction, where a hill of reflective black metal poked out of the jagged carapace of the ship. It was as though the entire thing was one impossibly-vast shard of a hybrid material made of obsidian glass and metal. Strangely, it produced a loud clink as I traversed it, despite my soft boots. The hill turned out to not be a hill at all, but rather a strange barnacle-like protrusion from which a pod had been launched. The middle of the barnacle dipped down into a tube wide enough to fit the giant Metro Train. ¡°Woah,¡± Panda muttered as he looked around. I followed his gaze, seeing how in every direction the ground was the same polished black. The ship was so enormous that it was impossible to see where it ended, even from this elevated position. Suddenly something zipped by us and went down into the barnacle hole. I caught just a quick blur of red, yellow, and white. ¡°What was that!?¡± Steve yelled in horror. ¡°The Twine brothers,¡± Tina replied. ¡°I wanted to be the first one in,¡± I complained, before hopping down into the barnacle hole. Steve immediately began screaming again and his voice echoed off the walls of the tube strangely as we fell upwards into the Hive Ship. The tube took a serpentine route as it moved through the outer shell and I had to constantly readjust the trajectory of my Fuck Gravity passive. When we finally reached the end a few minutes later, I felt as though I¡¯d fully learnt how to master both the passive¡¯s trajectory, as well as its inertia. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. We flew out of the floor and towards the ceiling of a large chamber, but I quickly maneuvered us through the air in a U-turn and landed us gently on the floor. Since I was controlling the trajectory, this meant that I landed feet-on-the-ground, with Tina and Steve now being upside-down. The Venomancer quickly dispelled the neon-green serpents and they were both untangled from my body, before plopping down on the floor. The chamber was rectangular and about thirty feet wide and a hundred long, with a massive blast door of the black material at the opposite end from where the giant hole in the floor had spit us out. The walls, floor, and ceiling weren¡¯t anything like the exterior of the ship, but instead reminded me of the Healer¡¯s shop in the Mall. It was like brown kind-of-flexible paper and it absorbed most of the noise from Steve¡¯s violent vomiting. The air in the chamber was dry as a desert and sweltering like one too, perhaps due to the material¡¯s insulating effect. Opposite the hole from us were two figures: a fluffed-up and sick-looking Satyr, and a raincoat-wearing mask-thieving Angel Boy. ¡°Give me back what you stole, you bastard!¡± I yelled to Matthew Twine. He wore the Red Pawn mask on his face and its color clashed severely with the white-and-yellow style he had going with the winged raincoat he wore. Before he could respond, everyone froze. The puke leaving Steve¡¯s mouth hung suspended in mid-air; the red lightning that was sparking to life in Matthew¡¯s palm became static; and the neon-green serpent Tina was shooting forward in response was half-formed and stuck with its fanged maw aimed at his face. Then a voice addressed us and our region. It was much different than the female voices of the Wasp Announcers, but still familiar to me. Unlike the first time I¡¯d heard this voice, it didn¡¯t feel like my brain was slowly decaying, although there was a distinct series of zaps rolling across my brain with every syllable it uttered. In the absence of any eligible Announcers, I have taken it upon myself to perform the GREAT GAME announcements. My name is Messimer and I am the Master of the Broadcast Department. Due to the interference of two enterprising Players and an unregulated Benefactor, I have been summoned to the Castleburg Region ahead of schedule. Nevertheless, the show will go on as prescribed. As you will recall, the period between GAME Events was shortened to 24 hours and it has now been exactly one day since the First Event concluded across all Regions. Thus, the Second Event must now commence. Considering that there are no Announcers to guide you into this Event, I will briefly describe it before you are transported to the venue. The Second GAME Event is called ¡®Best in Show¡¯. Players will be required to work together as teams in order to manufacture the most powerful Monstrosity possible. Teams are created based on current proximity, meaning that you are highly likely to end up on a team with those next to you in this current moment. There are three phases to the Event: The Collection Phase, where Players must scour the Singing City for parts and hunt its denizens for materials. Hunting other Players for materials is highly encouraged. The Crafting Phase, where collected parts and materials must be combined to create a Monstrosity. Players who lack parts and materials may use this time to hunt down other Players to steal theirs. Teams without a Monstrosity at the end of this Phase are eliminated. The Tournament Phase, where Teams will pit their Monstrosities against each other in a tournament bracket. Players may not interact with other Teams or Monstrosities during this Phase. Any Team whose Monstrosity is defeated will be eliminated. I am unable to answer many of the questions you have, but I believe that if you have survived until now, you possess the ability to find the answers by yourself. Good luck and may the best Teams win. When the announcement finished, none of us were transported away. Tina¡¯s big green serpent shot across the room, only to immediately collide with a spear of red lightning shot from Matthew¡¯s hand. Both spells exploded and sent a weak shockwave outward. Before either of them could try something else, Steve got to his feet, holding the Announcer¡¯s Microphone in his hand. ¡°Steve Says: Everybody has to get along!¡± I¡¯d been a millisecond away from leaping across the room using SPRING_HEEL and my new gravity-manipulation passive, but as his words washed over me, the aggression left my body. But only for a moment. Tina and Matthew both relaxed as well, but their eyes were still locked on one-another. ¡°For fuck¡¯s sake, Steve!¡± I yelled. ¡°Shut up, Gambit! Just shut up for once!¡± he screamed. ¡°We¡¯re here to free your friend right?¡± ¡°And Tina¡¯s kids,¡± Panda added. ¡°What?¡± he asked, the anger quickly replaced by confusion. ¡°Yeah, her kids are here too,¡± he said. William got up from the floor, where he¡¯d also thrown up, much like Steve. Then he said, ¡°Where did that Panda come from? And why the hell are we still here when the Second Event just started!?¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s because the Hive Ship is outside the influence of the Great Game?¡± Panda guessed. While the plushie spoke, Matthew looked at him as well. It seemed both brothers were pretty close to going insane. Then Matthew looked at Steve, who was wiping puke off his shoes. ¡°Happy Birthday,¡± he said in a deep and flat voice. Chapter -148 William Twine nodded towards Steve and said, ¡°Uh yeah, happy birthday.¡± The Birthday Boy groaned. ¡°We should get going, right? They¡¯ll probably realize we¡¯ve infiltrated their base pretty quickly, considering their ability to track Gambit wherever he goes.¡± ¡°They can¡¯t actually do that anymore,¡± Panda told him. ¡°I think what happened in the Safe Zone wasn¡¯t because of him being tracked, but rather some automatic trigger reacting to his amoral nature and the whole being on the registry thing.¡± The Twine brothers shared a suspicious glance with each other, before looking at me with disgust in their eyes. Before I could defend myself, an achievement appeared in front of my face. The way everyone else seemed to pause made it clear that I wasn¡¯t the only one to receive it.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®GREAT GAME Deserter¡¯ Found a way to avoid the mandatory GAME Events.
In hindsight, we should probably not have given sovereignty to the Hive Ship of the Child Protective Services, since it provides a pretty easy way to dodge the automatic summons of a GAME Event. Of course, if we revoked it, every single child would be pulled into the Event. That exact scenario is why sovereignty was given to the Hive Ship in the first place. Sometimes leniency really comes back to bite you in the ass though, but it¡¯s too late to fix it, unless we wanted to start another Agency War. Here¡¯s the thing. We really meant it when we said that attendance is mandatory. Since the Second GAME Event has already begun without you, this means that you are no longer considered a Player. This puts you in the same category as Voidspawn and other vile bacteria that infect our well-oiled machine. Trust me on this. We are not fucking around.
Reward: You have been marked for immediate execution
¡°What the hell does that mean!?¡± William exclaimed. ¡°We need to go,¡± Tina told me and pulled me towards the blast door. William and Matthew started to argue about how stupid it was for them to have followed us up here, somehow both able to ignore Steve¡¯s last command to get along. Then came a message I had honestly been expecting for a long time. WARNING! Glitch-Hunter Task Force deploying to your area! We know where you are. You cannot hide. Extermination imminent. The two brothers stopped arguing. ¡°Run!¡± Panda yelled. Steve immediately took him up on the advice. A sound like tearing fabric came from the far end of the chamber, furthest from the big blast door we were heading for. Then it was like the air itself was pulled open, creating a rift that a bulky beetle Agent stepped through. It was the same one that¡¯d hunted us during the first Game Event. With a roar, Matthew took off from the ground and flew towards the Glitch Hunter, while William drew his bow and started doing weird bounding movements as he fired off arrows. ¡°Let¡¯s get the F out of here!¡± Steve insisted. He was holding a Looking Glass in his hand and shared the appraisal with me.
Level 85 ¡®#17¡¯ Glitch Hunter x
¡°Glitch spotted. Extermination imminent.¡± Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Job: Glitch Hunter Affiliation: Glitch-Hunter Task Force While the Agents of the REPD generally handle System Subversion, they are not the upper echelon of those handling Glitches. Instead they are like the Local Police, whereas the Glitch Hunters are Federal. It¡¯s not exactly the best comparison, but all you need to know is that these guys are fucking scary. They are called in for times when a major Subversion is suspected to happen or has already happened. They are allowed to utilize system Skills that violate the system itself, which is quite ironic, but they function off of the ¡°fight fire with fire¡± mentality. Whatever advantage you think you might have doesn¡¯t exist. You should probably run. He is glad to be allowed to hunt you again.
¡°I kind of want to try and kill him,¡± I said. The Glitch Hunter¡¯s thick carapace shimmered and all the arrows fired at him reflected right back at the Satyr, several of them burrowing deep into his torso and legs. As William tumbled to the ground, Steve repeatedly slammed on a button next to the large blast door to open it. ¡°Recursive.action(Beetle_Bolt),¡± the Hunter said, lifting his girthy right arm to shoot a ton of bolts at Matthew. The Meatshield-turned-Red-Pawn absorbed several of the flechettes, before body-slamming the beetle into the ground with enough force to produce a loud crunch and releasing a violent crackle of red electricity. The beetle spasmed and fell still. Matthew got up and tore the projectiles out of his sturdy body, before turning around and running back to his brother. William was no longer moving and dark-red blood pooled where he¡¯d collapsed. I watched in horror as the Glitch Hunter slowly got back to his feet. ¡°Oh no you fucking don¡¯t,¡± I said. I crouched and triggered SPRING_HEEL, then aimed my new gravity directly towards the Hunter¡¯s torso. Like a human-shaped rocket, I flew across the chamber, while pulling my fist back. ¡°Kapow!!¡± Brock squealed as I smashed him right into the Agent¡¯s beetle head. I skidded to a halt and he turned around to shoot at me, but the 3 seconds passed before he could invoke his ability. His head was utterly obliterated in a mist of white blood. Despite this guy being high-leveled and fucking scary, he still shared the same weakness as other beetles: impact damage. They wore their skeletons on the outsides of their bodies, so any force that could penetrate through that would devastate them. ¡°Holy shit!¡± Steve yelled from the door that he¡¯d managed to get open. However, the Glitch Hunters didn¡¯t play fair. Already, his neck stump was beginning to rebuild itself into a head. But I didn¡¯t play fair either. The purple curse from Brock¡¯s impact was spreading out along the beetle¡¯s carapace and preventing the regenerative effects, but not fully. I did the only thing I could think of and kept punching the headless body until there was nothing left but purple-stained mush. The body glowed golden and seemed to be doing something similar to my original ¡®Personal Rule¡¯ passive that¡¯d allowed me to cheat death once. The result was that the mush tried to take on a coherent shape, before Brock¡¯s Anti-Heal effect kicked in and prevented it. This happened nine times in total, before finally the Glitch Hunter was truly dead.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Glitch-Hunter Hunter¡¯ Defeated a Glitch Hunter.
You know, this isn¡¯t meant to be possible. All Glitch Hunters have the very broken ¡®Nine Lives¡¯ passive that gives them the ability to cheat death nine times, not to mention the insane ¡®Cockroach Constitution¡¯ passive that imbues them with near-instantaneous regeneration. Fortunately, there are more of these guys and we¡¯ll be sending Glitch Hunters #11, #19, and #07 after you. We are of course required to reward you for your astounding feat, but you won¡¯t live long enough to enjoy it.
Reward: ¡®Glitch Hunter Heart¡¯
A squishy ridged black tube landed in my hands and I immediately inspected it.
¡®Glitch Hunter Heart¡¯ x
The heart of Glitch Hunter #17. In order to steal his power, you must run blood through this heart and blow into it like an instrument. It¡¯s what he would¡¯ve wanted.
Weight: 1 Pandas
Then the air around me tore open and three new Glitch Hunters crawled out of their own personal rifts. Before they could fully materialize, I shot myself towards the open blast door using my Fuck Gravity and SPRING_HEEL. I made sure to grab Tina and Steve on the way out. Outside the pod chamber was a large hallway connected to several other rooms with their own tube holes. Many of them also had open pods inside. It seemed they only closed up once ants or aphids were to be sent somewhere to the surface down below. The hallway¡¯s floor, walls, and ceiling were all made of the same strange papery material. All the doors were identical to the first, i.e. glossy-black space-ship-looking blast doors. Just like the chamber we¡¯d entered through, it was absolutely sweltering here. Even though the papery walls absorbed much of the sound, I could still hear Matthew fighting with the Glitch Hunters. However, it wasn¡¯t my problem anymore. I¡¯d already saved his life once, despite the fact that he¡¯d robbed my dead body, so I didn¡¯t owe him shit. ¡°They¡¯ll follow you!¡± Steve complained, even though I was providing him the means to escape. ¡°They can¡¯t track me,¡± I said confidently. ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Panda agreed, ¡°But they can track Steve¡­¡± ¡°Ah, well shit.¡± ¡°Nina says we should take a left and head into the first Children¡¯s Zone we see,¡± Tina announced. The direction matched the tug that I felt from my Manhunter¡¯s Badge still locked onto Bee. I didn¡¯t need to be told twice, as the tearing sounds from nearby made it clear that the Glitch Hunters had dealt with the Twine brothers and were now coming for us. Then suddenly a loud warning klaxon filled the hallway and no doubt all of the Hive Ship, although it was less like a normal alarm and more like unhinged banshee wailing. I wondered if it was the voice of the Hive¡¯s Queen. Within seconds, ants flooded the large hallway, lending credence to my theory. Instead of attempting to stop us where we flew by above, they instead honed in on the three bulky beetles. A fight immediately broke out and though the three Glitch Hunters fucked up the ants, they were so outnumbered that they were unlikely to survive for long. ¡°Good thing the Agencies hate each other,¡± Panda muttered in relief. A fork in the hallway appeared and I took us left, continuing to ¡®fall¡¯ sideways through the air in the most peculiar approximation of flight imaginable. But hey, it worked. ¡°I¡¯m proud of you Steve,¡± I said down to where the Birthday Boy dangled in my grip. ¡°You didn¡¯t scream once.¡± Panda, who was standing on my horizontal torso looked down at the guy, before saying, ¡°Gambit, he¡¯s out cold.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Chapter -149 We tore through the hallways and chambers of the Hive Ship, while a massive battle continued to rage between the ant defenders and beetle intruders. It was interesting that they cared more about their rivalry than about us sneaking into their base. ¡°Turn right here,¡± Tina announced and I dutifully obeyed. We zoomed around a corner and down a narrow tunnel, which had a warm orange light at the end. As soon as we came out at the other end and I saw what stretched out above us, I lost a hold on my Fuck Gravity effect and it cancelled out completely. The three of us dropped to the papery floor, which cushioned our fall. Steve gasped awake and then his eyes were stuck wide-open as he took in the enormous chamber. Although that word felt too small for what we were seeing. Starting from the floor and going up the walls into the darkness far above were hundreds-of-thousands of round bulbs. The bottom half of each bulb was shaped like a bowl using the papery material, while a golden-orange honey droplet sat within and trapped a person like a bug in amber. No, not a person. A child. This was where all of Earth¡¯s children had gone. This was the so-called Children Zone. ¡°It¡¯s just like the Matrix,¡± Steve muttered in awe. I got up from the floor. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± I asked. Tina and Panda both gave me a look, while Steve seemed incensed. ¡°You¡¯ve never watched it!? It¡¯s a masterpiece!¡± he exclaimed, not seeming to care that there was a Minor Warden flitting around between the bulbs high above. She seemed to be checking on the condition of each child inside the amber-like droplets. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you don¡¯t know it,¡± Panda agreed. ¡°They showed it on the TV in the Asylum¡¯s common room all the time.¡± ¡°How have you never watched it!?¡± Steve went on. ¡°It was a bit hard to follow the plot of any story on that TV,¡± I said. ¡°What with all the screaming and whatnot.¡± ¡°They were always showing movies they knew triggered people,¡± Panda commented. Tina nodded. ¡°It¡¯s because they lost money whenever a patient stopped being psychotic and could be transferred back to jail or released out into the world.¡± ¡°We¡¯re wasting time,¡± I said and strode across the floor of the disturbing chamber. It didn¡¯t look anything like what Bee had said the CPS pamphlet described. There was no farm and petting zoo type thing going on. Panda pointed ahead to a different kind of structure that stood in the middle of the floor. There were no real paths to the center, but just small gaps between the countless pods with children inside. The structure was like an artistic and organically-shaped doorway that stood inside a circular recess in the floor. From the rounded top of the doorway was the same gloopy honey-like substance, filling out the shape. It glowed amber and reminded me somewhat of the Dreamland doors. ¡°I see a door, I¡¯m going through it,¡± I said. ¡°We don¡¯t know where it leads, so that might be a bad idea,¡± Panda cautioned. ¡°Oh, I know where it leads,¡± I said. My Manhunter¡¯s Badge was pointing right at it after all. A sudden angry crackle of electric energy snapped through the air above. ¡°Trespassers!¡± screamed a distorted female voice from the same direction. ¡°Oh shit! The Warden has spotted us!¡± Panda exclaimed. I gestured to Tina and Steve who were lagging behind. ¡°Come on, follow me!¡± I sprinted across the floor as the Minor Warden fell down towards us, while preparing her energy magic. However, I felt certain that she would show restraint in this place, since I doubted she was allowed to harm the bulbs with the children inside. As I ran, I realized that it was faster to use Fuck Gravity than my legs, so I hopped off the ground and reoriented its pull so it was centered on the amber-glowing honey doorway. When my feet hit the strange substance, my momentum slowed significantly, though I was still falling through it. I could also feel how my legs were clearly emerging somewhere else and not just passing right through. While the doorway slowly consumed me, I aimed a finger of my balloon gauntlet at the descending Minor Warden. It was focused on Tina from the looks of it. The exact moment she launched the lattice prison spell she¡¯d been preparing, I shouted, ¡°.interrupt( )!¡± Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. The Warden¡¯s head flicked in my direction in annoyance, before lashing its arm towards me and flinging a rope of crackling-orange energy. My eyes widened as it came within inches of my face, but then the doorway released a loud slurp and pulled me all the way through, saving my head from decapitation. WARNING! Now entering ¡®Children¡¯s Zone #22¡¯! I landed on my back as my Fuck Gravity lost its target and was cancelled. Unlike the Hive Ship¡¯s hallways and chambers, I didn¡¯t land on a papery floor. Instead it was soft grass and dirt that caught me. ¡°Do you think the others are alright?¡± Panda worried. I sat up and looked back at where I¡¯d come from. But there was nothing there. ¡°It¡¯s a bit too late for me to help them now,¡± I muttered, feeling a tiny bit of guilt about going in first and leaving them to fight off the Warden. ¡°I know you want to save Bee, but you can¡¯t just sacrifice everyone to get her back,¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°I¡¯m not sacrificing anyone!¡± ¡°What about Chris?¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t my fault and you know it!¡± ¡°If you hadn¡¯t pushed so hard, maybe you¡¯d been more prepared for Logan¡¯s ambush,¡± Panda argued. ¡°I didn¡¯t hear you stop me. You¡¯re just as guilty as me.¡± Then Steve¡¯s horrified face slowly appeared in mid-air above the small hill I¡¯d landed on. His hands, feet, belly, legs, arms, and all the rest appeared right after, until the viscous doorway let go of him and he plopped to the ground on his knees. He was breathing heavily, while looking around. ¡°Where are we?¡± he asked. His bald dome was reflecting the light of a sun in the sky above. I took in our surroundings as well and was surprised by what I saw. It was an idyllic idea of 60s era suburbia, with large colorful houses. They were identical in shape and all had their own front lawns, as well as kids¡¯ versions of family cars parked in the driveways. The ¡®cars¡¯ were pedal-operated and clearly quite a hit with the many kids playing around and pretending to be families. Along with the neat houses were also hills with swing sets and playgrounds, as well as parks with fruit trees full of apples, oranges, pears, cherries, and so on. Kids between four and eighteen were running around, laughing, playing, and just seeming to have a great time. Some of the older children were using nerf guns and defending cardboard forts built around the streets and parks, while others were roaming on scooters, skateboards, and roller-skates. Meanwhile, the younger kids seemed to be mostly centered around the playgrounds and houses. As I watched, a boy of maybe eight nosedived off the top of a tall pyramid of climbable ropes. He hit the ground below and immediately bounced to his feet, completely unscathed. ¡°This is beyond trippy,¡± I muttered. ¡°It doesn¡¯t look like any of the kids are in trouble,¡± Panda said. I looked back to where Steve had emerged from the air. ¡°Is Tina coming or what?¡± ¡°She said she¡¯d lead the Warden away,¡± Steve answered. I frowned. ¡°Goddamnit, Steve.¡± ¡°What¡¯d I do!?¡± I got to my feet. The Manhunter¡¯s Badge was pointing in the direction of a nearby park. ¡°Let¡¯s just find Bee and get out of¡ª¡± Children¡¯s Zone Update New occupants detected! Adjusting parameters of Happiness Algorithm¡­ Loading assets¡­ ¡°What does that mean?¡± Steve asked. Then two voluptuous and beautiful women wearing summer dresses materialized out of nowhere and sauntered over to where Steve was sitting in the grass. ¡°Hey big guy, do you want to play with us?¡± they asked in unison. Predictably, the Birthday Brat¡¯s eyes went wide with perverted desire. ¡°What the fuck?¡± I walked up to one of them and prodded her in the forehead. She was real, although she didn¡¯t react to my touch at all. I glared at Steve. ¡°Is this your wish fulfilment happening here? Is that what this place is?¡± Then the announcement repeated. Children¡¯s Zone Error Failed to load assets! Readjusting parameters of Happiness Algorithm¡­ Loading assets¡­ ¡°I think it¡¯s struggling to cope with whatever would make you happy,¡± Panda said, looking at me. Steve, meanwhile, was walking down the hill with the two women, hand-in-hand. ¡°His form of happiness seems pretty shallow¡­¡± I muttered in disgust. ¡°Though I can¡¯t say I¡¯m surprised.¡± Children¡¯s Zone Error Failed to load assets! All checks failed! Corruption detected! Summoning Technician! Summoning failed! Summoning Technician! Summoning failed! Aborting¡­ Panda sighed. ¡°Great. You broke it.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything!¡± I defended myself. Then the sun in the sky switched off and the idyllic Children¡¯s Zone was cast in darkness. My Transition Lenses immediately activated and I saw that all the kids had vanished from the houses, streets, and parks. The Manhunter¡¯s Badge still pointed in the same direction as before, but I felt fairly confident now that it wasn¡¯t pointing me to somewhere within this place. Steve was standing further down the hill by himself. It seemed he had snapped out of whatever strange trance the zone had affected him with. ¡°Gambit!? What happened? Where are you?¡± he called, unable to see me. ¡°Use your lamp ability thing!¡± Panda yelled down to him. ¡°Okay! IKEA Catalogue: ¡®?rstid¡¯!¡± A simple table lamp appeared in the air above him, casting a ring of light on the grass. Then an earthquake rolled through the area, collapsing several houses and knocking over trees. Just to really make matters worse, a familiar sound echoed throughout the zone. TICKLE¡­ TICKLE¡­ Chapter -150 I frantically looked around for the Nightmare and wherever he¡¯d manifested, but I couldn¡¯t see him at all. ¡°Above!¡± Panda shouted. Steve and I both looked up, seeing a dark smudge with yellow-glowing eyes and teeth falling down from above. TICKLE¡­ TICKLE¡­ TICKLE¡­ Predictably, Steve took off, running down the hill as fast as he could go. The collapsed houses had become sinkholes leading into pitch-black darkness and the parks were quickly following suit. Whatever thing ensured the integrity of the Children¡¯s Zone was clearly collapsing. I stood my ground, awaiting the Nightmare. ¡°What are you doing!?¡± Panda yelled. ¡°You¡¯ve got to move!¡± ¡°Look around, Panda. There¡¯s no way out of this place,¡± I said. ¡°I might as well deal with this guy once and for all.¡± ¡°Have you already forgotten how he can¡¯t be defeated??¡± the plushie asked incredulously. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I know a way.¡± ¡°I can tell you¡¯re lying, you know?¡± I shook my head with a grin. ¡°Panda, you¡¯ve gotta believe in the me that I believe in.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Another tremor rolled through the made-up world, collapsing the streets and distant terrain, leaving only a small area around the hill clear. It seemed as though it was collapsing from the outside in, with the hill being the center. Steve let out a shriek as he tripped over his own feet and tumbled down into one of the black sinkholes. ¡°Well shit¡­¡± I muttered as I saw him disappear into the darkness. Then, before I¡¯d anticipated it, Arney landed right on top of me. All of his many hundred baby hands scrabbled across my body, while his red-skinned face and glowing teeth pushed right up against mine. ¡°TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!¡± he groaned eagerly in a deep reverberating voice. Panda had somehow managed to escape in time and I heard him berating me from a few feet away. ¡°This one¡¯s on you Gambit, you goddamn moron!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± I said, looking right into Arney¡¯s glowing eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not ticklish.¡± The Nightmare took this as a challenge, as the tiny fingers on his many black arms intensified their bizarre attempts to tickle me. ¡°TICKLE!!!¡± ¡°Sorry, boss, it¡¯s just not doing it for me,¡± I told him. Arney stopped and pulled his body away, while eight of his arms kept me pinned to the grass at the crest of the hill. ¡°What¡¯s he doing!?¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Changing tactics, I think,¡± I told him. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you fighting back!?¡± ¡°Remember the appraisal we saw?¡± I replied, as the hundreds of hands that¡¯d let go of me suddenly manifested white feathers. ¡°He only kills his targets by tickling them.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re just going to endure?¡± I grinned as Arney brought the feathers to bear on my body, running them along my cheek, the outside of my Unicorn Suit, and the bottoms of my Schmonic Boots. Surprisingly, I could feel them through my clothes and equipment. Despite his best attempts, it hadn¡¯t even tickled a little. ¡°If he can¡¯t tickle me, he can¡¯t defeat me,¡± I told Panda. The yellow-glowing grin faltered and his bug-eyed stare narrowed suspiciously. ¡°I¡¯m telling you, Arney, I¡¯m not ticklish.¡± He pulled back again, once more using only a few arms to keep me pinned. Like a magician, he flicked his hundreds of wrists and swapped the feathers for potato peelers. Then his grin widened. ¡°Uh, Gambit, you might want to abort this now!¡± Panda insisted. ¡°I¡¯ve never been tickled with a potato peeler before. Doesn¡¯t seem like it¡¯d be very pleasant,¡± I commented. ¡°But! Momma always told me to try everything once!¡± ¡°That¡¯s horrible advice!¡± Panda argued. ¡°TICKLE?¡± Arney asked. ¡°He seems uncertain! Now¡¯s the time to fight back!¡± Panda insisted. I pulled my right arm free of the tiny hands pinning me and reached up to the bottom of his red-skinned face. I used my index finger to tickle him under his chin, like how I¡¯d always done with my bullfrog Kevin. As soon as Brock touched the Nightmare, a tiny bit of his purple curse rubbed off on him. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. ¡°Guchi-guchi-gu!¡± I said playfully. ¡°Oi! Imma weapon of death!! Not whateva this is!!¡± Brock complained. Arney¡¯s hundreds of arms dropped limply to the ground, though his face didn¡¯t move at all. ¡°A¡­ A¡­¡± Panda walked up to where I lay on my back in the grass. ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± he asked, looking up at Arney¡¯s face. The yellow grin grew even wider than before and the eyes seemed about to pop out of his head. I kept tickling him. ¡°Haaa¡­ Haaa¡­¡± Then the world rumbled as another tremor rolled through the Children¡¯s Zone. The hill underneath me broke like the thin shell of an egg and I immediately began to fall. Panda grabbed on to my hair, but, more surprisingly, Arney wrapped all of his arms around me in a hug. Together, we plummeted into the same darkness that¡¯d swallowed Steve. The Nightmare was rumbling and shaking, as the deepest most ominous sound imaginable emerged from him. HAH! HAH! HAH! Arney the Tickler was laughing. WARNING! Now exiting ¡®Children¡¯s Zone #22¡¯! I landed on my back with an oof as I returned back into the creepy chamber with all the trapped children. Nearby, Steve was standing atop his Birthday Table ability, while a bunch of ants sat in the chairs and watched him with their rapt attention. ¡°Definitely not what I expected to return to,¡± I muttered. He had a strange way of always disappointing me, only to impress me moments later. ¡°Gambit! You¡¯re back!¡± Several of the ants shot to their feet at the sight of me. ¡°Sit back down!¡± Steve commanded and they obeyed immediately. ¡°Woah,¡± Panda remarked, looking around the chamber. I followed his gaze and realized that every bulb had lost its amber-like honey. All the children that¡¯d been trapped within were now gone. From the tug of my Manhunter¡¯s Badge I could tell that Bee was still nearby though. She hadn¡¯t been trapped in a bulb it seemed. ¡°Crashing the Children¡¯s Zone must have set them free,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Question is: Where are they now?¡± I replied. To answer that question, a message came in from my Benefactor.
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor. You did it Gambit! We¡¯re not sure how, since the feed cut out, but you managed to crash every Children¡¯s Zone aboard the CPS Hive Ship. All of Earth¡¯s children have been sent to the moon. Not the moon that you know, but a new one orbiting further out and currently housing Benefactors of the GREAT GAME, including our company. I can assure you that they are safe here. Even though the System is contained within Earth, its reach is far enough to affect even us. It would take an Absolute of quite some influence to be able to pierce the protections it has put in place around your world¡¯s progeny. Now you just have to deal with the Queen of the CPS! Schmaical Schmackson, Vice-President of TPGC
Reward: ¡®throw Exception( )¡¯ ability
¡®throw Exception( )¡¯ x
Ability You know how, in traditional wish-fulfilment fantasy stories, an author-self-insert protagonist might gain the power to throw fireballs and ice spears and bolts of lightning? This ability has nothing to do with that. Once activated, all negative afflictions and debuffs affecting you are cancelled. The caster or source of any afflictions cancelled receives an annoying RunTimeException informing them that they have encountered a critical error. You become immune to identical afflictions and debuffs for 2 minutes. This ability cannot be interrupted or have its cooldown affected in any way. Cooldown: 2 hours
¡°Holy crap!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°That¡¯s super powerful!¡± ¡°There¡¯s a new moon?¡± I asked, ignoring the ability. Then an achievement appeared.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Nightmare Friendship¡¯ Defeat a Nightmare by befriending it.
We¡¯ll have to rewatch the footage, because we¡¯re not quite sure what just happened. More concerningly, after your weird hug, Arney the Tickler appeared inside our office, killing the guy in charge of shredding all letters sent to HR. We¡¯ll have to upgrade our security it seems. He dropped this off for you.
Reward: ¡®Arney¡¯s Friendship Bracelet¡¯
A bracelet made of finger-bones and human hair appeared around my left wrist. I tried to pull it off, but it wouldn¡¯t budge. ¡°What the fuck?¡± I muttered. Then I inspected it.
¡®Arney¡¯s Friendship Bracelet¡¯ x
A symbol of the friendship you forged with the Nightmare ¡®Arney the Tickler¡¯. Whenever you enter dream realms, Arney will be there to guide and protect you. This item cannot be sold or otherwise discarded.
Weight: 2.9 Pandas
I was about to ask Panda what he thought the effect meant, but then I noticed something. The tug from my Manhunter¡¯s Badge was shifting ever so slightly. Bee was on the move. Within seconds I was back on my feet and running in its direction. ¡°We¡¯re coming Bee!¡± I yelled. Steve and his birthday party of ants quickly followed along as I ran from the Children¡¯s Zone chamber. Chapter -151 As I chased after the tug of the Manhunter¡¯s Badge I ran through several chambers that¡¯d housed Children¡¯s Zones. They were now full of empty bulbs and demoralized Minor Wardens knelt within. They didn¡¯t even try to stop me when I ran past them. They couldn¡¯t stop me. Their energy was gone. When I realized this, I killed every single one I came across before they could get back up. Although none of them rewarded me anything. Not even an achievement. The tug from the Badge was moving around a lot, as though Bee was somewhere close by and flitting back-and-forth through the air in one of the rooms. I flew into another tall chamber with Fuck Gravity. Just like the last six I¡¯d already gone through, a Warden knelt in the center of all the empty bulbs. Unlike those previous six however, this Warden was turning blue. It was as though its body was decaying due to a lack of the orange energy. I pulled back my fist and punched the Warden in the head as I flew past. ¡°They lost all their power,¡± Panda commented as my damage delay caught up. Its head popped off and landed in one of the empty bulbs. ¡°The implications are quite clear.¡± ¡°And what are they?¡± I asked. Steve flew after me atop his Birthday Pillow, while his horde of enchanted ants marched along behind him. I noticed how the glowing-orange fluid that¡¯d once filled their gasters was now gone. They all looked quite pathetic, though none of them had stopped moving or turned blue. I felt on the cusp of some realization when Panda put it into words. ¡°The ants of the Child Protective Services were using the energy of children to gain their power. I¡¯m not entirely sure, but I think they were literally harvesting their happiness.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re saying I was decapitated and killed by energy created from happy children?¡± ¡°Exactly,¡± he replied. ¡°That¡¯s crazy.¡± ¡°Is it? I feel like it makes a lot of sense actually.¡± ¡°What about the Aphid-Dogs?¡± I asked. ¡°I don¡¯t think those were relying on it as much, they¡¯re just freaks of nature. The Wardens and Queenguards were clearly utilizing it a lot though.¡± I paused mid-air and cast a glance back at the headless body of the Warden which slumped on the floor. ¡°Them turning blue is a good thing, right?¡± ¡°Definitely.¡± ¡°Should make the Queen easy enough to kill then,¡± I guessed. ¡°We should try to find Tina before we take her on,¡± Panda advised. I blinked. ¡°Shit, I forgot about her!¡± At this point my control over my own gravity had grown proficient enough that I easily spun around and floated back towards Steve. ¡°Oy, Birthday Boy!¡± I called as we met in the air above the dead Warden¡¯s body. His enslaved ant soldiers started stabbing the headless corpse with their spears. ¡°You finally slowed down! I¡¯ve been yelling at you to stop for like ten minutes¡­¡± ¡°Do you know where Tina is?¡± I asked, ignoring his complaint. ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯ve been saying! I don¡¯t know where the hell you¡¯re going, but she¡¯s not in this direction.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been chasing down Bee,¡± I said. ¡°Well she¡¯s probably not that way either,¡± he told me. ¡°There¡¯s a dead-end outside this chamber.¡± ¡°What!?¡± I exclaimed. ¡°Is there something further beyond that dead-end?¡± ¡°Sure, there is some kind of massive open plaza, but we can¡¯t get to it that way. We have to go around. The layout here is really convoluted and weird.¡± ¡°Hold up,¡± Panda said. ¡°How do you know all this?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got a map ability,¡± he said. I narrowed my eyes. ¡°Since when?¡± ¡°Since the beginning?¡± he replied, confused. ¡°Have you not been listening to me!?¡± ¡°No, not at all,¡± I told him honestly. He sighed loudly. ¡°Follow me,¡± he then said and went back the way we¡¯d come, before turning left down a long hallway. ¡°We¡¯ve got to hurry though, I don¡¯t have any more Sanity Pills left and my gauge just keeps going up. I don¡¯t want to go insane.¡± ¡°I think that¡¯s too late,¡± Panda remarked. I glanced at the plushie standing atop my stomach as I flew horizontally through the air. ¡°He isn¡¯t going insane because of my Immorality¡¯s Curse, right?¡± I whispered. ¡°No, no, that just makes him morally evil.¡± ¡°Phew,¡± I said in relief. ¡°I¡¯d feel bad if it was my fault.¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s definitely your fault! It¡¯s just not because of that passive.¡± I frowned. ¡°Steve, how much are you at?¡± ¡°97%¡­¡± he replied. ¡°Shit,¡± I muttered. ¡°Can you see other people or enemies on your map?¡± Panda asked. ¡°No,¡± Steve answered. ¡°Although Tina said I might be able to fuse it with some other skill to make it do that. She said I needed a Golden Fusion Urchin though.¡± ¡°She knows about fusions??¡± I asked excitedly. She was low-key psychic about the future, so it kind of made sense. The realization made me feel profoundly stupid all of a sudden. I should¡¯ve relied on her earlier. We flew above exhausted-looking ants as Steve led us down a zigzagging and unintuitive journey through the Hive Ship. It seemed that while the CPS grunts weren¡¯t turning blue from the lack of happiness juice, they were still affected by the sudden loss of it. No doubt it was because they¡¯d all been carrying it around in their gasters and at least partially relied on it for strength. Suddenly my stomach gurgled loudly and cold sweat ran down my forehead. I had a sudden flashback to the tooltip of the Warden Juice. ¡°You okay, Gambit?¡± Panda asked. ¡°Uhh, yeah. I think it¡¯s DOD.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± he asked. ¡°Delayed-onset diar¡ª¡± ¡°There she is!¡± Steve exclaimed loudly, interrupting me. At the end of the hallway we¡¯d been following was a large wall with a sturdy blast door preventing anyone from going further. Tina was sitting with her back to the wall and bleeding profusely. Next to her lay a dead Glitch Hunter with a body full of holes leaking green venom. Slightly further away was a catatonic Minor Warden that¡¯d turned completely blue. We landed right in front of her, but before I could ask if she was okay, she downed one of the Tinctures of Full Recovery she¡¯d bought in Castle Twine. It wasn¡¯t until the restoration kicked in that I realized her right leg had been torn off at the hip and she¡¯d lost several fingers. Within seconds, her body was good as new. She let out a small sigh, then looked me in the eyes and said, ¡°Thank you for freeing my children.¡± ¡°I know where they went,¡± I told her. ¡°The new moon, right? Nina already told me.¡± ¡°Seriously, how does she know all this?¡± Panda wondered. ¡°What moon?¡± Steve asked, clearly out of the loop. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Tina shook her head, before changing topic. ¡°Nina wanted to tell you something important.¡± Neon-green hair sprouted to life atop her head and her personality changed to her alter ego. The more I learnt about the strange Gods that the insects and other denizens of the Great Game worshipped, the more I suspected that Nina¡¯s power and personality derived from one of them. ¡°Forsake this familial sphere and seize victory anew with the aid of the Planewalker¡¯s Spawn!¡± ¡°Seek your loyal Knights in the time before the Children of Stars and the Insects of Show Business lay claim to this world!¡± ¡°Unlock the truth within and soon the chains will drop!¡± As soon as she passed on her message, Nina vanished and Tina returned. I frowned. These clues were much harder to discern than the usual ones. ¡°I¡¯ve got no idea what any of that means,¡± Panda said. Steve shook his head. ¡°Me neither.¡± To be fair, I hadn¡¯t expected either of them to get it. ¡°Tina, I¡¯ve got a Golden Fusion Urchin, what should I use it on?¡± ¡°Show me your Status screen,¡± she said. ¡°Status,¡± I said, realizing I hadn¡¯t checked it in a while. Then again, I also hadn¡¯t leveled up in over a day, so there hadn¡¯t been much need for me to look at it.
Level -20 ¡®Gambit¡¯ Game.changer( ) x
---The kind of red that really makes you want to hug your nightmares---
STATS
Health: Isn¡¯t It Great? Stamina: ¤¤¤¤¤Ê Armor: Dinner Plate Armor
Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas Top Speed: Racing Bike Mana: Keyhole
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 2415 lbs. Dexterity: Death Adder Intelligence: Strange Key Vitality: Brisket
Athleticism: «H Perception: 1768 Wisdom: (¨s?-?)¨s Defense: Ceramic
ABILITIES CORE PASSIVES
¡®I_CAN_FLY¡¯ ¡®Dungeon-Break¡¯ ¡®.interrupt( )¡¯ ¡®Skater Boy¡¯ ¡®There¡¯s No Escape¡¯ ¡®Giant-Slayer Soul Blade¡¯ ¡®[Injection]¡¯ ¡®Punch.spinTheWheel( )¡¯ ¡®Time Save¡¯ ¡®Rootkit¡¯ ¡®.unicorn¡¯ ¡®Math.pow(Punch)¡¯ ¡®Crimson Claymore¡¯ ¡®Zap¡¯ ¡®hole.Worm( )¡¯ ¡®wakeUp¡¯ ¡®throw Exception( )¡¯ ¡®unHaunt¡¯ ¡®unHero¡¯ ¡®unVirtuous¡¯ ¡®Glitch¡¯ ¡®Insanity¡¯ ¡®Inanimate Voices¡¯ ¡®BIRTHDAY_SUIT¡¯ ¡®Reflective Shell¡¯ ¡®I-Frames¡¯ ¡®Transition Lenses¡¯ ¡®Silver Skeleton¡¯ ¡®Rules of Anarchy¡¯ ¡®SPRING_HEEL¡¯ ¡®[Night Protocol]¡¯ ¡®Damage.sleep(3000)¡¯
ULTIMATE
¡®Game.newRule( )¡¯
Panda tapped me on the side of the head. ¡°Gambit! Look at your Mana and Intelligence!¡± ¡°What is that?¡± I wondered, squinting at it. ¡°It¡¯s a key and a keyhole! Remember that achievement from when you hit 200% Insanity?¡± ¡°No,¡± I replied. ¡°Nina says you don¡¯t have the means to use them yet,¡± Tina told me. I shook my head. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter right now. Tina, tell me which skills I should fuse together.¡± She looked through my long list of abilities and passives, but it didn¡¯t take her very long to come to a decision. ¡°Crimson Claymore and Zap,¡± she told me.
¡®Crimson Claymore¡¯ x
Ability A Red Pawn uses condensed hatred and envy to construct its deadly weapon. It is a simple but undeniable power that it wields. Manifest a claymore made of crimson energy that can cut through anything. Duration: 1 minute Cooldown: 1 hour
¡®Zap¡¯ x
Ability Sometimes it¡¯s a little tingle and other times it¡¯ll strip the skin off your body. All your Abilities not currently on cooldown are put on cooldown for 10 minutes. Zap a target for damage equal to (Number of Passives) to the power of (Abilities placed on Cooldown).
I hadn¡¯t even used Zap once, originally picking it just for the purpose of fusing it later. ¡°It has to be in that order,¡± she insisted. ¡°What, the Claymore first? I didn¡¯t think it mattered since they¡¯re being combined.¡± ¡°It matters,¡± she said seriously. ¡°Alright.¡± I pulled out the Golden Fusion Urchin.
¡®Golden Fusion Urchin¡¯ x
Bought from the Wandering Smith known as Shellby for an exorbitant fee. Consume to form a Golden Fusion between two skills currently in your possession. The resultant fusion skill will become Legendary, giving it the highest potential possible. Alternatively, this can be fed to a familiar to increase its Maturity by 50%
Weight: 1 Panda
Steve¡¯s eyes marveled as he saw it, but I quickly tossed it in my mouth and chewed down. Just like the first time I¡¯d consumed one, it was a delectable treat that had a complex flavor reminding me of the sea. I was able to actually savor it despite Brock¡¯s curse fucking up my tastebuds. It was a good thing Lordie was staying in his cage, since he¡¯d gone crazy last time he¡¯d seen one of these. ACTIVATING GOLDEN SKILL FUSION! Choose two Abilities or Passives to combine: ¡°Combine ¡®Crimson Claymore¡¯ with ¡®Zap¡¯,¡± I announced. COMBINING SKILLS! Please wait a moment, while we combine the skills and roll for the most favorable traits based on the two components! ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Uh. One moment. ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ New Legendary fusion skill created! Congratulations! You have unlocked the new Ability: ¡®Cooldown Claymore¡¯
¡®Cooldown Claymore¡¯ x
Golden Fusion Ability This seems pretty overpowered to be honest and that¡¯s despite us preventing a combination of these two skills that would¡¯ve been truly broken. Manifest a claymore of crackling golden-orange energy that can cut through anything. Every kill made with the weapon lowers the active cooldowns of all your eligible skills by 10%. Ineligible skills: -Cooldown Claymore- -Game.newRule( )- -Rules of Anarchy- -Time Save- -throw Exception( )- Duration: 30 seconds Cooldown: 1 hour This ability appears on your Appraisal!
¡°Tina, you¡¯re a genius!¡± I exclaimed when I saw the result. ¡°That¡¯s pretty strong,¡± Panda said. She nodded. Then she pulled out a lumpy tube-shaped organ that seemed eerily familiar and gestured towards me. ¡°What?¡± I asked her. ¡°I need your blood for this.¡± After a second of confusion, I realized it was the ¡®Glitch Hunter¡¯s Heart¡¯. She had no doubt received it from somehow managing to kill the beetle that lay nearby. I pulled out the one I¡¯d gotten myself. ¡°Trade?¡± Instead of replying, she turned to look at Steve. I followed her gaze. We both grinned as the Birthday Brat slowly backed away. Chapter -152 In the end, instead of borrowing some from Steve, we killed the Minor Warden next to the blast door and used its blood to fill up our Glitch Hunter Hearts. The Birthday Brat had commanded his army of mind-slaved ants to defend him and they weren¡¯t letting us get close. ¡°It was just a joke,¡± I told him. ¡°You can come out now.¡± ¡°I refuse!¡± he yelled from within the clump of ants. Tina lifted up the black squishy tube which sloshed with the foul-smelling blood of the Warden. I mimicked her. As one, we both blew into the ends of the hearts as though they were alien instruments. The resultant sound was very strange, almost like a giant¡¯s sneeze, but melodic somehow. The white blood exited the tube hearts as rings of smoke, which flew through the air until they hit a wall and popped like water balloons.
Choose your reward! x
Hah! Sucker! You¡¯ve triggered my trap card! That sound you just made actually created a portal nearby. Agents of the REPD will be flooding to your location in moments. It¡¯s impossible for you to get away now! Better choose quickly!
Pick one of the options: ¡®Kick¡¯ | ¡®Blink¡¯ | ¡®Nine Lives¡¯
¡®Kick¡¯ x
Ability When someone is griefing in your private server, it¡¯s nice to be able to kick them. This is kind of like that, except you have to physically kick to trigger it. Kick someone to eject them from a Dungeon, Safe Zone, or other special zone. Cooldown: 2 minutes
¡®Blink¡¯ x
Ability This ability used to be triggered by literally blinking, but people kept teleporting inside objects and killing themselves, so it was hotfixed. Not the teleporting inside objects part, the trigger on blinking part. You can still kill yourself with this ability, but, don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s by design now. Teleport to anywhere that you can see within 100 yards. Cooldown: 20 seconds
¡®Nine Lives¡¯ x
Passive They say curiosity killed the cat, but they also never say the second half of the quote. Gain the ability to return from death 9 times. This ability counts retroactively, meaning you have 7/9 lives remaining. Once all 9 lives are used, you die permanently, regardless of other death-preventing passives, abilities, or consumables.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. ¡°Motherfuckers!¡± I exclaimed as I read the first part. Then I hurriedly went through the options, before deciding on ¡®Blink¡¯. ¡®Nine Lives¡¯ would¡¯ve been a good passive if not for that last part. As it stood, I was better served with my Respawn passive, though I hoped to never need it again. ¡°Steve, get the fuck out of there! We¡¯ve gotta go!¡± I called. ¡°Agents are coming!¡± Steve peeked his head out from the pile of ants. ¡°Huh!?¡± The banshee wailing I¡¯d heard earlier when the Glitch Hunters had appeared sounded throughout the Hive Ship again. The papery floor trembled slightly as the blast door behind us burst open and a horde of ants came out. All of them had deflated gasters, but there was a crazed look about them, as though the wailing had altered their minds in some way. They moved past us without even seeming to register our presence. ¡°Where are you going!?¡± Steve yelled to his enslaved ants as they all followed after the horde. Tina went through the blast door first and I was right behind her. ¡°Get your ass in gear!¡± Panda called to Steve from my shoulder. Moments later he caught up to me as we moved into a different part of the Hive Ship. The blast door we¡¯d used shut behind us and sealed us in. Immediately beyond the door was a massive room that, although still made of the papery material, had tall pillars holding up the ceiling. Pathways snaked up the pillars and led to balconies higher up, though I couldn¡¯t tell for what purpose. There were also pod-like huts clustered around along the walls, almost like the rooms of a capsule hotel, and I guessed the ants used these for sleeping. Steve moved up front, since he had a mapping ability, but before he could point us in a direction, Lordie sprang out from the transport cage. Tina stopped and tried to pet him when he appeared, but the little bastard had other plans as he quickly scuttled off. ¡°Come back here doggie, I just wanna pet you!¡± she yelled, running after it. ¡°For fuck¡¯s sake, Lordie! Where are you going!?¡± I exclaimed as I followed them. Steve started falling behind as Tina and I pushed our speed to the limit. ¡°Meow!¡± ¡°What did he say?¡± Panda asked. ¡°He said he smells something? I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s talking about.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯d better catch him. If he dies, you die too, remember?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t need to remind me!¡± We followed the hand-spider through a doorway recessed into the wall left of the entrance. Steve was yelling about us going the wrong way and pointing towards the far end of the pillar room, but I wasn¡¯t paying attention. From the pillar chamber we ran through a wide hallway that led to another blast door that was open. In the threshold of the doorway lay a dead Queenguard with a powered-down shield and next to him were several dead soldiers. The door itself had a strange Rubik¡¯s Cube attached to it. ¡°That¡¯s from Bee¡¯s Puzzle Lock ability!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°She isn¡¯t this way,¡± I said. The tug was pointing in the same direction Steve had wanted us to go. ¡°But we know she came through here!¡± the plushie insisted. Tina nearly caught the hand-spider since she was somehow faster than me, but then she suddenly just dropped to her knees and covered her face while screaming. Lordie didn¡¯t stop and went through the doorway, climbing over the corpses to get in. I came up next to her, but before I could ask what was wrong, it hit me. WARNING! You have been infected with ¡®Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach¡¯! Time remaining: N/A ¡°My eyes!¡± I screamed, while trying to blindly crawl out of the range of the smell. ¡°Not again!¡± Panda exclaimed and hopped from my shoulder to safety. Steve caught up to us and was laughing at our display from a few feet away. Then he paused as the sounds from Tina morphed into genuine despair, probably realizing that it was quite serious. My vision had gone completely white and there was a ringing in my ears. I was pretty sure my gums were bleeding and my brain was starting to swell. It felt like acid and fire were melting the skin off my face, while a hundred bees stung the inside of my mouth. From the sound of his footsteps, I heard as Steve hurried over to help Tina, but he only managed to fall into reach of the foul stench as well. ¡°What is tha¡ª? Oh my fucking fuck!!¡± A thud came from the Birthday Brat as he collapsed to the floor, while other sounds seemed to indicate that Tina was having a seizure. ¡°Somebody pop me, I want to die on my own terms!!¡± Brock squealed in desperation. ¡°Blink!¡± I yelled, trying to use my new ability to escape. ERROR! No target. It didn¡¯t work since I couldn¡¯t see. I also tried to use my Fuck Gravity to pull me back the way we¡¯d come, but it was impossible to concentrate enough to use it. Nina¡¯s ominous voice rang out briefly, ¡°The Monstrosity of Joy¡­!¡± she warned. Then I blacked out. I came to what might have been hours later or maybe just a couple seconds. The stench was gone and my vision was back, albeit blurry and miscolored. ¡°Holy fuck, I can¡¯t believe I survived,¡± I muttered. ¡°Bee must¡¯ve been desperate to use that against them,¡± Panda commented. ¡°What happened?¡± I asked, as I pushed myself to my knees. Tina lay unconscious nearby, while Steve was writhing in obvious pain, which was unlikely to be a good sign.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®The Worst Smell Imaginable: Round 2¡¯ Survived Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach a 2nd time.
Aside from Lady Kalameytas of the Ruinous Path who designed this vile perfume, there are only a handful of individuals who have survived exposure to it twice. Since you¡¯ve probably experienced traumatic brain damage by now, we figured you at least deserved a commemorative T-Shirt to mark your achievement.
Reward: ¡®I Survived the Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach T-Shirt¡¯
A white t-shirt landed in my hands, just as Lordie sauntered back into the wide hallway. Half of a familiar puzzle box was sticking out of the mouth that sat in the middle of his palm. ¡°Lordie, did you eat the box?¡± ¡°Me-ow!¡± he answered in his Morgan Freeman voice. Then, with a loud slurp, the rest of it vanished inside his ¡®mouth¡¯. I brought up his stats to see if something had changed.
¡®Lordie¡¯
MATURITY 32%
HUNGER Pleased
FAVORITE FOODS ¡®Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach¡¯ ¡®Twizzlers¡¯ ¡®Canned Cat Food¡¯
¡°He¡¯s ¡®pleased¡¯,¡± Panda remarked, worried. ¡°Holy crap, eating that box gave him at least 20% extra maturity!¡± I muttered. With a gasp, Tina woke up. ¡°Where am I? Where¡¯s Irene and Adam!?¡± Then her eyes realized where she was and she seemed to calm down. But only for a second, as Steve started to buck and writhe aggressively on the floor next to her. She ran over and grabbed my right arm, pulling me to my feet. ¡°The Monstrosity is coming!¡± I blinked, momentarily confused, until a sinking realization hit me. Steve had reached 100% Insanity and was turning into a Boss Monstrosity. Chapter -153 ¡°Do something!¡± Panda yelled. In the distance came a loud explosion and the ground trembled. We didn¡¯t have much time left. There was nothing I could do, so I looked to Tina, but she clearly had no way to help Steve either. ¡°Goddamn it,¡± I muttered, casting him one last glance before running out of the wide hallway. ¡°Tina! Come on!¡± The Venomancer took a second to stop staring and caught up to me by the exit back to the pillar room. Almost directly outside were Aphid-Dogs, weakened and blue Minor Wardens, and ant soldiers as far as the eye could see. Carving their way through their numbers were one Glitch Hunter and hundreds of beetle Agents. Pound-for-pound the beetles were winning, but the ants had an endless supply of soldiers. There was no way we¡¯d get through them. I frowned and turned around, heading back down the hallway and past Steve who was already beginning to transform. Tina followed me through the partially-open blast door that Bee had lockpicked with her Puzzle Lock ability. The chamber we came into was full of dead ants. It seemed they¡¯d all succumbed to the Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach. There were several of the bulbs that¡¯d housed children in the Children¡¯s Zones, but they were bigger and decorated with swirls and patterns. One of them looked like it had caught fire, as the top-half was scorched black. I was fairly sure Bee had been trapped in that before breaking free. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Panda asked. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta get out of here!¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way we easily get through that,¡± I told him. ¡°It¡¯ll be easier if Steve gets out there and tears them apart.¡± ¡°That¡¯s pretty cold,¡± he remarked. ¡°You said it yourself, he wasn¡¯t my friend. Besides, there¡¯s nothing we can do for him. Isn¡¯t it better that his transformation serves a greater purpose?¡± ¡°It will kill us first,¡± Tina muttered, her eyes wide-open and crazy. Well, crazier. She handed me something and I looked down to see two Lucky Dice and a Tincture of Full Recovery. ¡°Here it comes!¡± Panda exclaimed. I quickly stuffed the items in my inventory. We watched from the corner next to the doorway as Steve¡¯s body transformed. First the legs extended and grew another joint, then the torso expanded like a balloon. The head morphed into an egg-shape, the skin turned purple, and the Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts became yellow-and-blue overalls. Lastly, as minor touches such as makeup and needle-teeth were added, the whole body started to grow. ¡°It¡¯s a clown,¡± Panda realized. It was a pretty obvious outcome, given Steve¡¯s Class. The clown started to bend as it became too big to fit even inside the wide hallway, and it seemed to be almost forty feet tall. Its triple-jointed legs were about three-fourths of its length. The torso, although massive, seemed stumpy by comparison. The body shape of the clown was gangly and thin, with the colorful overalls bagging around its torso and legs. It reminded me slightly of a clown on stilts, especially given that the arms were proportional to the torso and not the legs. The head too was way too small. The curled-up massive clown looked at us with two pitch-black eyes within which swam small golden pinprick pupils, pinging around with not a care. Steve wasn¡¯t recognizable in its face at all. White makeup covered the purple skin of its face, yellow paint circled the eyes, and blue paint was drawn along the top and bottom lips to form a wide grinning smile. HOO-HEE-HUU. The floor shook with its incredibly-loud, but somehow-soothing melodic giggle. ¡°Meow!¡± Lordie exclaimed in fear and hopped back into his transport cage. Then an achievement popped up.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Monstrosity Safari¡¯ Witnessed at least two Boss Monstrosities.
The odds of seeing more than one Boss Monstrosity are quite slim. Usually the first sighting is also the last thing you ever see. There have been countless Insanity Monstrosities manifested since the start of the GREAT GAME, but so far only four Boss Monstrosities have appeared within your world. It is quite incriminating that you¡¯ve been a witness to half of those. But don¡¯t worry, we actually condone your behavior in this instance. Good job, you monster! As you may recall, these unique Entities don¡¯t just appear at random. No, they requires special Classes to hit 100% Insanity, which is not a simple feat, as special Classes have an innate resistance towards corruption. We¡¯d love if such resistance wasn¡¯t there, of course, but the System gave us no choice. Last time, you bore witness to a Boss Monstrosity formed from a Local Villain. What you may not realize is that the monstrosities take the unique traits of the Classes they are born from. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. One of the Regions in Northern Europe saw a Player with the Norse King Class turn into a mythical wyrm, which was quite entertaining. It wiped out his entire Region in about half a day. Personally, I enjoy the types of Boss Monstrosities created from the bizarre Classes, like Birthday Boy. They have way more personality and style. The Flesh Sculptor¡¯s servants created this one specifically for Steve as soon as he chose the Birthday Boy Class. They hope you¡¯ll like it. Enjoy this reward during the little time you have left.
Reward: ¡®Appraising Eye¡¯ Passive
¡®Appraising Eye¡¯ x
Passive ¡°He was a good little monkey and always very curious.¡± You are able to Inspect and Appraise anything with a glance. Appraising certain entities will cause a backlash that affects your Insanity Gauge and may imbue you with unique afflictions.
Without even meaning to, I triggered the new passive and was met with an appraisal of the clown.
Level 75 ¡®Joysworth McGiggles¡¯ Boss Monstrosity x
The world is very sad and bleak¡­ Why not have a little Joy? But don¡¯t forget to share it! Joy is a flower that cannot bloom in solitude. Steve was never a happy man and always cursed with the need to complain. It is deeply tragic that, only in the last moments before his transformation, did he realize what a waste it had been. Why be angry and frustrated for its own sake? But poor old Steve didn¡¯t see the errors of his ways until insanity embraced him. This Boss Monstrosity is made from the unexpressed joy of all those who have perished within the GREAT GAME. Insanity is a liberating force that frees anyone from the chains they have wrapped about themselves. Joysworth McGiggles will help liberate you from your own chains and set your repressed laughter free. The servants of the Flesh Sculptor made this Monstrosity after being inspired by natural phenomenon like Arney the Tickler, and the countless other Nightmares that plague Demons. After all, Joy is a virtue that is anathema to them. This Boss inflicts ¡®The Giggles¡¯ and insanity with its laughter. It will not stop its joyous trot across your Region until everyone is liberated of the chains that bind them.
Suddenly, Tina walked out of the chamber we were hiding in. I moved to grab her, but just as my fingers touched her arm, a euphoric high overcame me. WARNING! You have been afflicted with ¡®The Giggles¡¯! Time remaining: ¡Þ The drab paper-like material of the walls and floor was suddenly dripping with colorful splotches of paint that shifted and morphed, while laughter echoed from somewhere far away. It was my laughter. The air in my lungs felt as though it was bubbling and full of electricity, while my stomach convulsed in enjoyable tugs. I¡¯d never ever laughed like this before. It was unfiltered and pure. Joysworth led Tina and I out of the wide hallway and into the pillar room. Outside, glowing rainbow-colored water lapped at our feet, while sleeping ants and beetles lay around us. Those still standing paused their fighting to focus on the clown. He slowly emerged head-first out of the doorway, while crawling on his knees. Then he rose to his full height. They all began to scream, but Joysworth¡¯s own laughter deafened the noise they made. I belatedly noticed that there was a blurry incomprehensible shape on my shoulder. It was a shape made of nothingness and only visible due to its outline. It was screaming something at me and its voice sounded like static interference. ¡°W....E..P!¡± I was struggling to hear what the shape was trying to tell me. ¡°..AK..U..!¡± it repeated. The beetles and ants, as well as tall mantisflies and aphids began to attack Joysworth. The tall joy-giving clown clapped its hands together, only to pull them apart and reveal a golden-glowing balloon animal. It immediately leapt from the palm and down onto a beetle, which it pulled apart to shower his friends with colorful water. ¡°WAKE....!¡± ¡°........UP!¡± I heard the static voice clearly for a moment and paused. The ant I¡¯d been pulling apart with my hands fell down into the colorful water lapping against my ankles. ¡°Wake¡­ Up?¡± I asked, trying to piece the words together. An epiphany hit me and I repeated the words as one: ¡°wakeUp.¡± SKILL TRIGGER! wakeUp triggered. You have broken free of ¡®The Giggles¡¯. All the colors drained away and screaming filled my ears, as yellow and blue balloon animals tore through the ants and beetles. They¡¯d already died by the thousands, judging by the white blood that was everywhere. My lungs and stomach hurt like I¡¯d been punched repeatedly. An uncomfortable soreness flared up with every breath. ¡°You¡¯ve got to go!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°That skill has a 5-minute cooldown, so you¡¯re screwed if you get hit with the affliction again!¡± I immediately used Fuck Gravity to take to the air and fly feet-first in the direction indicated by the Manhunter¡¯s Badge. It wasn¡¯t moving anymore though. I¡¯d wasted too much time. Guilt and frustration filled me as I saw Tina, wreathed in neon-green energy, fighting alongside Joysworth and his balloon animals. ¡°Don¡¯t even think about it!¡± Panda scolded me. ¡°If you try to save her, you¡¯re dead!¡± ¡°If I don¡¯t, she will die.¡± ¡°Remember why you came here!¡± I frowned, but knew he was right. However, something unsettled me. Even though Tina had the apparent ability to see the future, she¡¯d stayed with me despite surely knowing that it would lead to her demise. In the distance, the enormous clown was still making balloon animals and laughing. None of the ants nor beetles seemed capable of hurting it, not even the Aphid-Dogs. I couldn¡¯t see Tina¡¯s green magic anymore. Gritting my teeth, I flew out of the chamber and towards the pull of my Badge. Panda was right. I had come here to save Bee. I just hoped I wasn¡¯t too late. Chapter -154 The sounds of Joysworth McGiggles tearing through the ant defenders and beetle invaders echoed through the halls leading from the pillar room, along with a cacophony of screams and laughter. I flew through the air like a missile aimed in the direction the Manhunter¡¯s Badge pointed me. The further I went, the more ostentatious the surroundings became, with engraved pillars lining the massive corridors and abstract carvings flowing along the walls. I moved through chambers from which armies of ants surged forward to tackle the devastation wreaked by the Joy Monstrosity. They seemed to be emerging out of pods lining the chamber walls, as though freshly-baked for the occasion. Though, after a brief look, I realized the pods were tube-fed and pulling the ants from other parts of the enormous Hive Ship. Still, I knew it wouldn¡¯t be enough. If I hadn¡¯t incapacitated the source of happiness juice that the CPS¡¯s strongest fighters relied on, then maybe they would¡¯ve had a chance. But that obviously wasn¡¯t the case anymore. My Appraising Eyes ran across the soldiers and saw how their levels had dropped down to around 20 on average, even though they seemed fit to fight. Even the Aphid-Dogs were clearly affected, both in their levels and power, though I couldn¡¯t quite tell why. After another hallway, I went through what looked like a kennel of sorts, although it was perhaps more accurate to call it an Aphid-Dog prison camp, given the design of it. There were deep pits in the floor and at the bottom several young Aphids were fighting to the death, even now. It wasn¡¯t hard to guess that the winner would then be elevated to become either the pet of a Collector Captain or an Executioner like the one that¡¯d been dropped in front of Castle Twine. Although most of the Aphid-Dogs available were already fighting and dying to Joysworth, there were several lying around inside the kennel as I passed through. Some Captains were trying to rouse them, while others lay dead, torn to shreds by their formerly-loyal pets. The turrets atop two languid Executioner Aphids tracked me as I flew by but did not fire. Or rather couldn¡¯t fire. ¡°For an organization that has ¡®Child Protection¡¯ in their title, it seems there isn¡¯t a single individual here, who didn¡¯t exploit the children¡¯s happiness for their own gain,¡± Panda commentated. ¡°It¡¯s just like how any country calling themselves ¡®The People¡¯s yada-yada¡± tends to not really care much about democracy,¡± I pointed out. ¡°At least the real CPS before the Great Game wasn¡¯t that bad.¡± I frowned. ¡°Don¡¯t even get me started.¡± From the Aphid-Dog kennel was a series of luxurious-looking areas that seemed like some kind of resort spa for the upper echelon of the Hive, with pools of honey similar to what the Healer in the Mall used to grant Full Recovery. However, the honey was all tainted a sickly blue and smelled like burning plastic. A few unfortunate Collector Captains, two Wardens, and a single Queenguard lay dead in the pools, the submerged parts of their bodies almost entirely dissolved. The next chamber that followed was like a massive buffet, and there were even slot machines, roulettes, and blackjack tables in a corner of the room, as well as a ball pit, for some reason. ¡°Bet you they were exploiting the children for more than just the power that came from their happiness.¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably the Tinctures,¡± Panda said. I brought up the tooltip for the one Tina had given me.
¡®Tincture of Full Recovery¡¯ x
Although we can¡¯t tell you what these little vials contain, we can reveal that the Child Protective Services is the only Agency in the GREAT GAME that produces them. The Queen of the CPS Hive herself is said to consume dozens of these Tinctures daily, in order to keep her rapid aging and countless illnesses at bay. After all, she is the longest-living entity across all of the Agencies. Consuming this tincture fully recovers your body and restores it to peak condition.
Weight: 1.2 Pandas
¡°I think you¡¯re right,¡± I replied. ¡°They¡¯re probably also produced from the happiness of children somehow.¡± ¡°She might be tough to beat if she has a stockpile of these things,¡± he remarked. ¡°If she¡¯s as reliant on the children as the rest of her Hive, I don¡¯t think it¡¯ll be an issue,¡± I replied confidently. ¡°Besides, Brock makes it impossible for anyone affected by his curse to heal.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Panda said uncertainly. ¡°She¡¯s been mentioned a lot, and it seems she even acts as a Benefactor to some Players. She might be as strong as your old Benefactor, Miranda.¡± ¡°I thought you said Demons weren¡¯t scary.¡± ¡°Not when compared to Absolutes and their offspring like Messimer, but they¡¯re no joke when compared to humans.¡± ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± I reiterated. I flew out of the luxury resort area and emerged into a long corridor wide enough to fit the Metro Train monster and still have room to spare. More of the engraved pillars lined the floor in rows of two and led to the largest blast door I¡¯d seen in the Hive Ship thus far. Two towering Queenguards stood in front of it, even taller than the first one I¡¯d encountered, and yet they only reached to about halfway up the height of the door they protected. The Manhunter¡¯s Badge was pointing right at the door. ¡°Bingo,¡± I said and increased the pull of gravity as I adjusted its aim to the guard on the right. While the pillars flew by me, I spun around so I fell head-first towards my target and got a better look at the two guards. They were probably thirty feet tall, but their posture was sagging and they both leaned on the enormous shields they carried. Their carapaces were far more impressive than the first Queenguard I¡¯d seen, with spikes and patterns adorning them, much like those on the walls. However, their black carapaces were riddled with glowing-blue pockmarks and their shields were completely powered down, while oozing blue goop instead of radiant orange energy. My Appraising Eyes scanned him as I came within range. Panda immediately started reading it out loud for me.
Level 25 ¡®#0000000002¡¯ Queenguard x
¡°My power¡­ Where has it gone, my Queen?¡± Job: Queenguard Affiliation: Child Protective Services What a sad sight. Queenguards are supposed to be fierce and a true nightmare to any that would seek to harm the Queen¡¯s Hive. Then you took away the source of their power and it turns out they weren¡¯t really that great to begin with. This is like finding out that Santa is actually just some guy called Bob who has a big belly because his diet consists of Budweiser and pork rinds, and a thick beard because ¡®grooming¡¯ isn¡¯t a part of his vocabulary. I guess what I¡¯m trying to say is that I¡¯m disappointed. I thought for sure this guy was going to kill you. I mean, he¡¯s the second-highest ranked in the entire Hive. But look at him! Weakling can¡¯t even lift his shield! He wants his steroids back.
A moment after Panda finished reading it, I hammered my fist into the middle of #2¡¯s body, before immediately flicking my gravity¡¯s direction at the other one and hitting it in the face, then I spun around and settled down on the floor between them. Two quick pops followed and both of the Queenguards toppled over, one with a massive hole in its torso and the other with its head deleted. ¡°That was too easy,¡± I said. BAD CATCHPHRASE! You have taken 1 point of damage. ¡°Ow.¡± Then an achievement hit me. I figured I¡¯d get something similar to the Warden Juice from killing them.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Bad Sportsmanship¡¯ Defeated a weakened Queenguard.
Normally, defeating one of the CPS¡¯s Queenguards would be a tremendous feat we¡¯d be forced to award with a seriously-impressive trophy of some kind. But this doesn¡¯t count. Even the System is backing us up on this one. So you can suck it! There has been one Player who recently managed to kill a non-weakened Queenguard, which is a first in the GREAT GAME¡¯s history. She received a proper reward for it, but is about to die to the Queen, so it wasn¡¯t worth much in the end I guess.
Reward: Yeah, I don¡¯t think so.
I realized that they were referring to Bee and the fact that she¡¯d killed a Queenguard with the Eau de Tonsil-Stone Eye-Bleach. ¡°Shit, we¡¯ve gotta get in there!¡± I panicked. ¡°The Queen is about to kill her!¡± I put my hands on the massive blast door and started to lift. The obsidian structure didn¡¯t even budge. It felt like I was trying to pull a building up by its foundations. With a grunt of frustration, I let go and resorted to the second-best option. ¡°Brock is great at lockpicking!!¡± the balloon gauntlet squealed as I began slamming him repeatedly into the enormous door. For the next three seconds, as I punched the door non-stop, nothing happened whatsoever. But then the delay caught up and the obsidian metal started to bulge inward, one echoing bang at a time. I kept punching and warping the blast door, pausing only when it stopped deforming from the damage and instead just blew open a hole. The damage from the punches that¡¯d yet to register followed shortly after and the hole grew large enough that I could squeeze through. ¡°Be careful!¡± Panda warned as I went through it. The chamber on the other side of the massive door was gigantic. From floor to ceiling was fifty feet if not more. Thick pillars filled the interior, running down in parallel rows until the far end where something like a massive pool was carved into the floor. Like the pools in the luxury part just outside the chamber, the honey that filled it was corrosive and blue. Between the entrance I¡¯d made and the pool was an insect hybrid that would tower over even the Metro Train monstrosity. It looked like the cursed offspring of a centipede and an ant doing the nasty. The body was covered in sturdy-looking and glossy carapace, but it was corrupted and completely blue. Legs the size of busses ran along the segments of its serpentine body and six giant pincer-like arms were set into its narrow torso. Its head alone was as big as a Minor Warden and massive compound eyes took up half its size. It had a giant maw full of sharp teeth and there were horn-like protrusions from the top of its head that created what looked like a crown of sorts. Two long antennae grew from behind the crown and four wings hung down its back, though it seemed unlikely that it could actually fly. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. I blinked, unable to comprehend just how massive the creature was. This had to be the Queen of the CPS. ¡°Gambit! Look!¡± Panda exclaimed, pointing to one of its giant pincers. In it hung a tiny wingless moth with broken bones and white blood leaking out of several wounds. It was Bee. Without even coming up with a plan, I redirected Fuck Gravity directly at the arm holding my friend and set its pull as high as it could go. The moment I started falling towards the Queen, the G-force of the acceleration made my vision flicker black for a moment. ¡°BEE!!!¡± I screamed. Then my Appraising Eyes brought up the info for the Queen of the CPS.
Level 150 ¡®#0000000001¡¯ Queen x
¡°YOU DARE TAKE AWAY MY POWER!?¡± Owner of the Child Protective Services Agency Funny, isn¡¯t it? Despite literally owning the CPS, the Queen doesn¡¯t have a proper name either, just a number. All of the CPS is organized through a power hierarchy, but there has never been any doubt about who is Number 1. As you¡¯ve no doubt realized by just looking at her, the Queen isn¡¯t an ant, not anymore at least. She also isn¡¯t the ¡®mother¡¯ of the ants in her Hive, though she is responsible for creating them. You see, she is quite adept at crafting bodies and cloning them, a carry-over from her own creator. You might¡¯ve once played around with ants in your backyard when you were a child, pitting them against each other in improvised arenas and trying to find the strongest. Well, it isn¡¯t just humans who enjoy messing around with insects. Absolutes defy the bonds of time and reality, but they also grow bored with their seemingly-endless lifespans, so sometimes they pass time idly by through playing with insects. One such Absolute, who is known to have idle hands and peculiar fascinations, once found a tiny ant and pitted it against others of its kind. It quickly came out on top and, as a reward, he transformed it into a powerful being. The same being that stands before you now. In case you were wondering, this is the Queen¡¯s weakened form. You might actually have a chance of defeating her in this state, whereas before it would¡¯ve been unthinkable. She is currently toying with the Beneficiary of an Absolute and hasn¡¯t noticed you yet.
As my voice echoed through the space, the Queen turned her attention away from Bee and fixed me with her enormous compound eyes. ¡°FORCED RETIREMENT,¡± she said, invoking some manner of spell with a voice so loud it shook the air and hurt my ears. ¡°Interrupt it!¡± Panda yelled, but I wasn¡¯t fast enough. WARNING! All Skills have been placed on a 40-year cooldown. ¡°Oh shit!¡± I gasped as my Fuck Gravity cut out and all my momentum was arrested. Then I fell straight down to the floor far below. My body bounced once with a loud crunch as my right leg caught my fall and snapped. From how easily it broke, I was fairly sure Silver Skeleton had stopped working. ¡°Fuck!¡± I groaned. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta use ¡®throw Exception¡¯!¡± Panda urged. ¡°It wasn¡¯t affected by her spell!¡± ¡°throw Exception( ),¡± I said, while trying to get up. I still had the Tincture that Tina had given me, but it¡¯d be a waste to use it on just my leg. ¡®Forced Retirement¡¯ encountered a RunTimeException! Debuff failed successfully. I felt how my bones hardened and got heavier as my skeleton once again became silver. The potential of Fuck Gravity also kicked back in. I immediately pulled myself back into the air, while the Queen started swiping at the pop-ups that my skill had sent her way. Then I set my gravity directly on her head and change the pull to its maximum. I¡¯d pop her head like a pumpkin before she had a chance to respond. ¡°It seems like your Benefactor knew she had that trick,¡± Panda remarked. Before I could get much closer to the Queen, she yelled, ¡°STASIS.¡± WARNING! You have been afflicted with ¡®Stasis¡¯! Time remaining: ¡Þ My body just froze mid-air, while she returned her attention to Bee, who was apparently unconscious where she hung from her pincer. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta use ¡®wakeUp¡¯!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°She¡¯s gonna kill Bee!¡± I tried, but I couldn¡¯t move. My mind still worked, but my body was stuck solid. ¡°You have to trigger it with your mind!¡± he exclaimed, panicked. I didn¡¯t even have the chance to try and figure out how before the Queen said, in her loud voice, ¡°I HAVE HAD MY FUN. TIME TO CLEAN UP THE INFESTATION IN MY HIVE.¡± Then she squeezed her pincers shut around Bee. I wanted to scream, but my mouth would not move. I just hovered there, a witness to my friend¡¯s murder. A voice rolled through the Queen¡¯s chamber, while the petals of a purple flower grew from the air surrounding Bee¡¯s body. The flower it formed clasped shut around her like a protective shield and pushed away the enormous pincers. VILE QUEEN-PRETENDER! HOW DARE YOU SEEK TO SLAY MY ADORABLE LOST CHILD! YOUR CROPS WILL ROT IN THEIR FIELDS AND PESTILENCE WILL BEFALL YOUR KIN! YOUR CASTLE WILL CRUMBLE INTO SAND AND A SWARM OF GNATS WILL STRIP THE SKIN FROM YOUR BONES! AS THE ALL-MOTHER, THIS IS MY PROMISE TO YOU! Then Bee vanished and an implosion destroyed the Queen¡¯s entire arm in a mist of blue-tainted blood and flesh. The tug of my Manhunter¡¯s Badge immediately vanished.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Divine Intervention¡¯ Witnessed the intervention of an Absolute.
This is against the rules of the GREAT GAME. Obviously. But we also have no power to stop any Absolute that seeks to protect their Beneficiary in this way. The Player that was just yoinked out of harm¡¯s way should now find themselves within the abode of the Absolute who saved them. Depending on which one it was, this may or may not be preferable to death.
Reward: 100x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
¡°CURSE YOU, ALL-MOTHER. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU FOR ROBBING ME OF MY JUSTICE!¡± the Queen screamed indignantly. Then she seemed to realize that I was still just stuck in stasis mid-air and lifted an arm towards me, preparing to squeeze me like she had done to Bee. At the same time, the arm she had lost slowly regrew as golden energy rolled through the many segments of her long body and up to her torso. I realized then that her body was like one long cable connecting her to somewhere near the pool at the far end. ¡°She¡¯s using Full Recovery Tinctures somehow!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta break free! Use the ability with your mind!¡± I concentrated as hard as I could, feeling a migraine blossoming as the pressure inside my brain grew. SKILL TRIGGER! wakeUp triggered. You have broken free of ¡®Stasis¡¯. The pincer missed me by just a few inches as my momentum returned and carried me towards the Queen¡¯s head. ¡°Cooldown Claymore!¡± I shouted. Crackling orange energy, much like what the Minor Wardens used, appeared in my right hand. It was the same shape as the original Crimson Claymore, but I could feel that it was somehow more potent now. ¡°SHIELD,¡± the Queen said, and the air around her head shimmered as it activated and created a barely-visible magical barrier. I swung the sword through the air and felt only a weak bit of resistance as it tore through the magical shield. My entire body spun with the movement, and I came close enough to strike her head. A loud sizzle came from the Queen¡¯s left compound eye as my glowing blade carved a channel through it. It seemed the sword cut through immediately, without waiting for my damage delay. Lifting the blade, I swung it down again, and¡ª ¡°REFLECT.¡± The Queen¡¯s body shimmered again, right as I drove the claymore into her jaw. It moved through her unimpeded and the damage was immediately reflected into my own body. Panda yelled something as my body separated into two from my right shoulder to my left hip. I lost control of Fuck Gravity and immediately plummeted towards the ground in two pieces. Moments later the Queen activated another spell, and I was hit by solid air. My body flew back towards the large blast door, leaving behind the lower half. My shiny silver ribcage was exposed where it¡¯d been cut through cleanly. The reflected attack had missed my heart by the width of two fingers, but death would come within seconds if I didn¡¯t act fast. ¡°Drink the Tincture!¡± Panda exclaimed as my blood freely trailed from my severed torso, tainted suspiciously-purple. I somehow managed to stay conscious enough to use the Full Recovery Tincture through my inventory. Warmth spread through my torso and immediately started reassembling the right shoulder and arm from scratch, along with my torso and everything below. It still felt like I was dying though, and the pain was immense. My Unicorn Suit was also knitting itself back to full, but it was slow going. Fortunately, my Swan-Feather Cape was unscathed. I blinked and darkness overtook me for a second, but Panda¡¯s yelling snapped me back. With a single burst of concentration, I was able to momentarily activate Fuck Gravity to slow down my fall. Then I hit the ground and started to tumble. Fortunately, the healing was still ongoing, so the damage I took from the rough landing was immediately cured. When I finally came to a rest, a loud woosh echoed through the chamber before lamppost-sized bone spikes rained down around me, embedding themselves halfway into the floor. Even though my legs weren¡¯t fully formed, I triggered SPRING_HEEL to launch myself to safety behind one of the nearby pillars. It was quickly pierced through with several more spikes. ¡°This is meant to be her weakened state!?¡± I exclaimed incredulously. My feet returned as the Full Recovery wrapped up. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta hit her with everything you¡¯ve got!¡± Panda told me. ¡°What about Bee!? What the fuck happened to her!?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about that right now! Focus on what¡¯s in front of you!¡± I knew he was right, but I had the sinking feeling that it¡¯d be impossible to get Bee back from the clutches of the All-Mother. A part of me also wondered if it was worth it. Perhaps the Absolute wasn¡¯t one of the bad ones, I wondered. A spike tore right through the pillar in front of me and flew by my face close enough to ruffle my hair. I concentrated and activated Fuck Gravity again, lifting off the ground to fly around the side of the Queen while using the pillars as cover from her magic. ¡°I don¡¯t think she has any of her incapacitating or cooldown-based spells left,¡± Panda said. ¡°She might have something capable of interrupting though.¡± A rudimentary plan formed in my head, and I started punching the pillars I flew by, cratering some of them and breaking others. As the broken pillars pulled free of the ceiling and toppled to the floor of the massive chamber, they lifted up dust and debris, creating an obscuring cloud. One of the pillars hit another one and started a domino-chain that ended with five pillars collapsing in a row. The Queen, although possessing immensely-powerful magic, didn¡¯t seem to have amazing perception and was firing at random with bone spikes and condensed air blasts. Her spells did almost as much damage to the room as I¡¯d already done. Using the distraction, I fully inflated Brock using the valve. Then I flew up behind her and landed on the ground, running forward with a punch aimed at the bottom of where the torso and centipede-like parts of her body came together. ¡°Punch.spinTh¡ª!¡± ¡°MUTE.¡± Warning! Your ability has been muted! Time remaining: 59,900,513 ¦Ìs I grinned and clenched my fist to trigger the Sea Urchin Ring, which covered my arm in a spiky black shell. On my way here I¡¯d stored up twenty-seven punches. It would be enough. I activated SPRING_HEEL and leapt upwards, swinging my arm at an angle that pointed right towards her head. ¡°Pow!¡± ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 27 Calculating 27 to the power of Punch ¡­ ¡­ Calculations complete! The spikes from the ring fired off, but nothing else happened besides that. I was already flying backwards to escape what was about to happen as a result of my insane multiplication of damage values. The Queen was slowly turning to track me, while firing off spells. It seemed she had no idea what was coming. Finally, the ¡®Damage.sleep(3000)¡¯ passive caught up. A gust of warm wind rushed past me, lifting me along with it and cancelling out my Fuck Gravity passive through sheer intensity. I looked back over my shoulder and saw a bright light and what looked like a beam of solar energy flying from the floor and up through the ceiling of the chamber. It created a massive hole in the top of the Hive Ship itself and showed that we were somewhere in outer space, as there was a backdrop of the Earth, which my beam had just taken a bite out of. As far as I could tell, I¡¯d just deleted parts of the southern Pacific Ocean. I caught myself on one of the pillars in the room, as the insane damage from my Pow Punch died down. The Queen¡¯s entire top-half was gone, though her long centipede body remained behind. ¡°Holy fuck, you just did like 50 trillion points of damage,¡± Panda said.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®PETA Hates You¡¯ Killed over a thousand aquatic animals.
We¡¯re not quite sure how you just did that, but your attack managed to kill over a thousand aquatic animals. Just because humans are facing an extinction-level event, it doesn¡¯t mean that you should take your frustrations out on the creatures in the ocean.
Reward: ¡®Whale Bacon¡¯
A flappy bit of red-and-white meat landed on my head, before being sucked into my inventory. ¡°It wasn¡¯t enough,¡± I said with a frown, while sliding down the pillar to the ground. The Queen¡¯s body was regenerating quickly as golden energy pulsed up along her centipede body. It also seemed like Brock¡¯s anti-healing curse had no effect, but I didn¡¯t understand why. ¡°Maybe she really is immortal,¡± Panda muttered. I knew I didn¡¯t have a choice but to win, so I decided to activate ¡®Time Save¡¯. TIME SAVE TRIGGERED! All cooldowns have been reset. Since I¡¯d almost died once, I activated a failsafe as well, while running towards the rapidly-regrowing Hive Queen. ¡°Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once).¡± Rules of Anarchy Activated! Passive Selected: Respawn Once Description: Upon death, respawn at the beginning 1 Use ¡°Once more, from the top,¡± Panda joked. I gritted my teeth and started punching the air as I ran. Chapter -155 ¡°Did ¡®Time Save¡¯ reset my items too?¡± I asked Panda as I rapidly closed the distance to the Queen. She was still in the process of regrowing her head. For some disturbing reason, the outer layer was made first, perhaps because the insect carapace was equivalent to her skeleton. But unlike bone, it was flaccid without the flesh inside. The result was that, as she regrew, her body looked like an armored balloon being inflated with minced meat. It reminded me of videos about how sausages were made. ¡°Your Urchin Ring is ready, yes. All cooldowns were reset, not just skills,¡± Panda answered, while watching the horror show we were heading towards. ¡°And the fight restriction on Pow Punch was reset too, right?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Then let¡¯s go for another one,¡± I said, a determined grin on my face. Then I started blowing air into Brock¡¯s valve. I moved around the side of the Hive Queen, just as the empty eye sockets in her head were filled in with the bulbous compound eyes. ¡°Am I on target?¡± I asked Panda, as I tried to position myself such that my attack would destroy the entire length of the Queen¡¯s body. ¡°Take another two steps to the left and aim for the middle of her body,¡± he advised, while I topped off the Pump It passive. ¡°I¡¯m fakken ready!!¡± Brock squealed eagerly. I¡¯d stored up almost 80 punches. With all my cooldowns reset, I would be able to deliver a positively nuclear attack. One that would probably get close to the original damage I¡¯d been able to deal before Pow Punch was nerfed. With a roar, I clenched my fist to trigger the Urchin Ring, lowered into a crouch to activate SPRING_HEEL, and then I launched myself forward. I wasn¡¯t even aiming to strike the Queen¡¯s body, since I knew the attack itself didn¡¯t really need to connect to deliver its payload. ¡°Pow!¡± I shouted and swung my fist forward. ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.pow(Punch)! Number of Punches recorded in fight: 80 Calculating 80 to the power of Punch ¡­ ¡­ Calculations complete! I landed a few yards from the Queen¡¯s body and spun on my heel, running in the opposite direction. Just then she finished her full recovery. ¡°YOU INSOLENT LITTLE¡ª!¡± I was knocked forward by the backwash of air, but there was no sound at all. Light like a solar flare filled the interior and I thought for sure I¡¯d have gone blind if I¡¯d been looking at it. This was the unleashed effect of Pow Punch. There were no Dungeon Barriers here to rein it in. I tumbled head-over-heels as the blast carried me several dozen yards. The dust and debris in the air flew with me as though I was in a desert hurricane. Just like the previous time, a pillar caught me, and I anxiously looked back in the direction of the Queen. There was nothing left of the chamber on that side. About one-third of the enormous room was just void of pillars now and the ceiling was peeled away exposing the vastness of space. Like the hole I¡¯d made earlier, the near-vacuum of outer space wasn¡¯t affecting the interior of the Hive Ship. A few pillars that¡¯d been on the fringes of the blast cone remained standing, but they were smoldering like firewood. The floor was likewise stripped away, revealing parts of the Hive Ship below, although I hadn¡¯t managed to pierce through the bottom of it. The back wall where the pool had been was just gone and the several chambers and hallways behind it were a total ruin. The Queen was nowhere to be seen. ¡°I think you did it,¡± Panda said, clearly unable to believe his eyes. ¡°That must¡¯ve been close to the same amount of damage I dealt before Pow was nerfed.¡± ¡°Nowhere near,¡± he replied, ¡°But it was a lot of damage, don¡¯t get me wrong.¡± I sighed. ¡°How do we get Bee back?¡± Before he could answer, an achievement arrived. My heart skipped a beat when I read the title.
Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x
¡®Two too low¡¯ Dealt lethal damage twice without killing an opponent.
I¡¯m looking at the Combat Logs and I think there must be something wrong with them. According to this data, you¡¯ve dealt 1,860,756,705,376,619,280 damage!? That clearly can¡¯t be right. Well, regardless of how much damage you did, it wasn¡¯t enough. Allow me a brief history lesson to explain why. As you may or may not recall from the initial announcement of the GREAT GAME, the winners gain cosmic influence and popularity. Of course, given the nature of the GAME, there are rarely many winners. Anyway. Once, the GREAT GAME came to a world filled with sapient ants. Their planet was embroiled in a worldwide war as a result and they died by the billions before the Second GAME Event even began. Once the last Event was over, only a single champion remained. She named herself the first among her kind and she still bears that title even now. Her Benefactor was an Absolute who¡¯d taken quite a liking to her resourcefulness and desire to win at any cost. As a reward, he granted her cosmic power. She used it to create the Hive Ship you¡¯re now aboard and, after attaching herself to the GREAT GAME, she built one of the most powerful Agencies for the purpose of ¡®protecting¡¯ children. That¡¯s right, the Queen of the CPS was once a Player like you. And, just like you, she still has all her old Skills, amongst which are several that allow her to cheat death. But this is an old story that most have forgotten. I¡¯m only telling it to you because the System demanded it. I know we¡¯ve told you this a lot, but this time it¡¯s genuine: This is the part where you die.
Reward: 80x ¡®Game Coins¡¯
Panda read the description aloud as I ran towards the destroyed part of the chamber. ¡°Blink!¡± I shouted and teleported 100 yards forward. A sense of dread grew in my chest as he went through the long text. I realized that this was a type of foe I had never truly fought before. I thought about how troublesome an opponent Logan had been, despite being of equivalent level to me. The Queen had won her own version of this extinction game and become way more powerful as a result. And unlike the Glitch Hunters, she wasn¡¯t just relying on glitched skills either. No, she was much closer to me and Logan than any of the Agencies¡¯ grunts. That fact scared me. Suddenly the Queen¡¯s awful voice filled the massive chamber. ¡°IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I LAST FOUGHT AGAINST A GLITCH AS POWERFUL AS YOU. I SUPPOSE I SHOULD TAKE THIS FIGHT SERIOUSLY.¡± There was a brief pause before she activated a spell. It was one that was familiar to me. ¡°THERE IS NO ESCAPE.¡± WARNING! You have been cursed with ¡®No Escape¡¯. There is no escape. You cannot run. You cannot hide. Only death will grant you respite from this hunt. ¡°Shit, this one is different from yours!¡± Panda said, speaking quickly. ¡°It lasts until the fight is over!¡± ¡°throw Exception( )!¡± I countered, while spinning around and trying to spot her. ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 6,705,512,734 ¦Ìs ¡°Fuck!¡± I muttered, remembering that the ability couldn¡¯t have its cooldown affected. Then it was like a hook caught me by the navel and yoinked me back towards the entrance. I flew straight to the towering Hive Queen, who was completely recovered as though she¡¯d respawned following my killing strike. Fortunately, her body was still a sickly blue color, meaning she hadn¡¯t recovered from her weakened state. It was likely some kind of sickness that transcended death and revival. Unlike before, her body wasn¡¯t quite as long, although it was still twice the length of the Metro Train. She wasn¡¯t tied down anymore and could now move around. She looked down at me with her enormous eyes and lifted her six pincer-tipped arms, each one glowing with a differently-colored spell. I moved with the pull of ¡®No Escape¡¯ and used one of the ¡®Lucky Dice¡¯ from my inventory, leaving me with just the two Tina had given me. ¡°Gambit, wait!¡± Panda warned, but I was already committed. LUCKY DICE ROLLED! Your next luck-based Encounter, Skill, or Loot Drop has been tweaked heavily in your favor. I launched myself at her with SPRING_HEEL, swinging my fist into her body. I was hoping to deal with her in the same way that I¡¯d dealt with the Red Pawn. ¡°Punch.spinTheWh¡ª!¡± ¡°MUTE.¡± Warning! Your ability has been muted! Time remaining: 59,468,189 ¦Ìs I roared in frustration as I belatedly realized that whatever had respawned her back to full had also reset her cooldowns. ¡°OBLITERATION,¡± the Queen said, and all of her pincers launched their spells. The colors coalesced in front of her and became a ball of black destructive energy. At the same time, a solid blast of air launched me away from her, giving her a clear line of sight to fire her spell. ¡°Quick, honk!¡± Panda yelled. ¡°Honk!¡± I shouted, triggering my Swan-Feather Cloak. SKILL TRIGGER! Swan-feather Cloak¡¯s ¡®Indestructible¡¯ Skill Activated! Somewhere, a Swan takes notice of your power. My cloak wrapped around me as I flew through the air from the blast. Then my whole world shook and spun as her spell struck me. ¡°Holy fuck!¡± Panda cried. ¡°That just tried to literally delete you from existence.¡± I felt the moment that I hit the ground, though I was still protected by the feathers. Then the cloak unfurled itself from me. Two pillars nearby were missing perfectly-spherical chunks, but otherwise there were no signs of the obliteration spell¡¯s effect. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta use ¡®wannaCry¡¯!¡± Panda instructed forcefully, but I trusted him to guide me well. After all, I had entirely forgotten I possessed the ability until he mentioned it. It was an unfortunate side-effect of having so many different skills.
¡®wannaCry¡¯ x
Plugin Ability You know how to really make someone cry? Destroying the things they love the most. This isn¡¯t quite that, but it¡¯s still sure to make anyone you use it on soil their panties. Indicate a target and utter the words ¡®I¡¯ll make you cry!¡¯ to disable their abilities for the duration specified below. Duration: 2 minutes Cooldown: 24 hours
¡°I¡¯ll make you cry!¡± I yelled, while pointing Brock¡¯s middle-finger at the Queen. Installing Malware! ¡­ ¡­Swapping background image with ¡®getpwned.jpg¡¯¡­ ¡­ ¡­Checking embarrassing search history for potential blackmail¡­ ¡­ ¡­Texting ¡®Let¡¯s get back together¡¯ to contact labeled ¡®ex¡¯. ¡­ Abilities disabled successfully! ¡°HOW MANY MORE TRICKS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?¡± she yelled in a taunting tone as she rapidly skittered towards me on her enormously-long legs. Even without her abilities, she was still a scary gigantic monstrosity. Her pincers grabbed two pillars and tore them loose from the ceiling and floor, before swinging them at me with astounding speed. ¡°Oh shit!¡± I sputtered, before leaping up off the floor. But my trajectory was poor, and she moved way faster than expected. At the same time, I realized ¡®Blink¡¯ would¡¯ve been a better choice. A pillar crunched against my right side and launched me across the room, only for the pull of ¡®No Escape¡¯ to begin dragging me back. My broken arm and ribs were scraped along the floor painfully. ¡°Blink!¡± I exclaimed, zipping forward and landing with my feet against the side of a pillar next to her. I shot right at her neck using SPRING_HEEL, while activating another ability. ¡°Cooldown Claymore!¡± The crackling orange energy sword appeared in my broken and useless right arm, but I quickly switched it to my functioning hand, while adjusting my trajectory slightly. ¡°YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME WITH THE POWER OF MY OWN CREATION!¡± the Queen roared. ¡°Watch me!¡± I zipped past her, tearing through her neck with the blade and decapitating her. I was moving so fast that I accidentally cut through a pillar as well. ¡°Blink!¡± I shouted before hitting the ground and zipped back towards the Queen again, landing on the floor right next to her. I launched up off the ground while dragging the glowing sword through her, landing on the top of her tainted-blue centipede carapace. I swung and slashed the perfectly-sharp blade through the Queen, cutting off legs and arms, as well as separating entire segments of the long trailing body. ¡°Leave nothing left!¡± Panda exclaimed excitedly. Until the Claymore fizzled out, I got as many hits in as possible, leaving her massive body in a hundred distinct pieces. Although my arm was broken, I also got several punches in with Brock, in order to spread his curse, but it failed to take hold, which was worrying. I stood in front of her severed head, while waiting for her to do something. Since her passives weren¡¯t affected by ¡®wannaCry¡¯, she no doubt had several ways to recover from even something like this. Instead of destroying her body into nothingness, it made more sense to wait out her cheat death skills and not burn through all my cooldowns. ¡°Use your ¡®Injection¡¯ ability on her corpse before she¡¯s completely dead,¡± Panda advised.
¡®[Injection]¡¯ x
Ability I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s how an injection works¡­ Perform a harmless poke that shares all the negative effects in your body with your target.
It was inevitable that she¡¯d come back, so it made sense to take proper precautions. Still, I wasn¡¯t sure if that was the right call. ¡°If I pass on the ¡®No Escape¡¯ curse to her, she¡¯ll just be pulled to wherever I am,¡± I argued. I definitely didn¡¯t want a giant insect flying directly at my face whenever I tried to create distance. ¡°Fuck, you¡¯re right!¡± he replied in a high-strung voice. ¡°Gods, being a backseat commander is so stressful.¡± The carved-up corpse of the Hive Queen was leaking out blue-tainted blood, but its massive compound eyes still seemed to have some life left in them. Panda wiped his stitched mouth with his right arm. ¡°Alright, new plan, use Spin the Wheel when the Mute wears off in¡ª¡± I never heard what he said next, as a pincer grabbed me around the neck and clamped shut, decapitating me. While my body fell towards the floor, my severed head popped into the air like the cork of a champagne bottle, spinning around so I could see the Queen. Her entire body was shedding some kind of camouflage skin, while the cut-apart corpse at her feet deflated and disappeared. GAME OVER! You have died. Please wait for scheduled resurrection by SKILL TRIGGER! Rules of Anarchy(Respawn Once) respawned you back at the beginning! I was getting pretty sick of dying this way. Darkness enveloped me and I briefly saw the interior of my asylum cell. But then a powerful tug on my stomach pulled me through space and time, depositing me back in the Queen¡¯s chamber on the papery floor right behind her. She was facing the other direction, not yet realizing that I¡¯d returned due to ¡®No Escape¡¯. "So much for death granting you respite..." Panda joked darkly. SKILL TRIGGER! BIRTHDAY_SUIT is now in full effect! I_CAN_FLY is now available! I slowly looked down at myself, seeing that I was without clothes. ¡°HOW MANY MORE LIVES REMAIN?¡± the Queen taunted me and turned around to look down at my naked visage. ¡°Oh shit!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Gambit, run and grab your shit!¡± My headless body lay on the other side of her, about 70 yards away, a golden-glowing wisp hovering above it. Nearby, a golden portal was manifesting in the air and scaly bronze-colored imps were hopping out from within, all of them wielding gruesome tools to cut up my previous body. It seemed the silver skeleton within it was being repossessed. ¡°Blink!¡± I teleported directly in front of the body and immediately looted the wisp. Several of the repo imps hopped back in surprise and cursed in a language I didn¡¯t understand. Before I could attempt to use any of the other skills that¡¯d come off cooldown with my revival, the Queen¡¯s voice boomed in my ears, ¡°FORCED RETIREMENT.¡± ¡°.interru¡ª!¡± ¡°MUTE.¡± Warning! Your ability has been muted! Time remaining: 59,834,983 ¦Ìs WARNING! All Skills have been placed on a 40-year cooldown. ¡°throw Exception( )!¡± ERROR! This ability is on cooldown. Time left: 6,623,834,012 ¦Ìs ¡°Fuckshitcrapballs!!¡± I cursed incoherently and took off running, while hastily equipping all my gear through my inventory. ¡°Yep, we¡¯re fucked,¡± Panda agreed. I ran around pillars to break line of sight with the Queen, but I felt how my curse still tied me to her. I had no idea how the curse had survived her dying, but there was the very uncomfortable thought in my head that maybe what I¡¯d killed with my Cooldown Claymore wasn¡¯t her real body. Perhaps it had been some kind of clone that¡¯d taken her place, a bit like my Fall Guy passive. But it didn¡¯t matter. I was so mega-fucked without my skills. This was truly looking like I¡¯d die for real. I brushed my left hand along a bit of exposed obsidian metal beneath the material of the floor and activated Rebel¡¯s Ring. If I couldn¡¯t kill her, then I¡¯d at least blow up her stupid spaceship and fling her out into the black void. WARNING! Ineligible target! ¡°Son of a bitch!¡± I cursed. I realized the reason it didn¡¯t work was likely that the Hive Ship wasn¡¯t a ¡®non-living thing¡¯. It raised some questions I wasn¡¯t in any position to ponder right now. I touched a pillar instead and activated the ring again. This time no error message came, and I booked it for a pillar further away. The pull from ¡®No Escape¡¯ wasn¡¯t super strong, but the reason was pretty clear. ¡°Go faster! She¡¯s right behind you!¡± Panda yelled. I spared a glance over my shoulder and saw the Queen skittering after me on her massive legs. Her entire body was just moving way too fast for how big it was. It was very disconcerting. She passed by the pillar right as it exploded after a 10-second delay. I dove behind a different one, as a large fireball exploded outward from the pillar. Whatever they were made of, it was great for blowing up it seemed. ¡°You¡¯ve only got the Sea Urchin Ring and Swan Cloak items left now!¡± Panda said. He was clearly stressed out. ¡°It won¡¯t be enough,¡± I said as I ran behind a fallen pillar. It also seemed that my Benefactor had given up on me. Or perhaps they¡¯d known it was impossible from the start, and I was just here to help them gather data for a future attempt to take down the CPS. I still remembered how an achievement describing their organization had told me they were known for sacrificing Players to achieve their goals. Panda hopped down off my shoulder, while the Hive Queen moved around just on the other side of the fallen pillar we hid behind. The dust that¡¯d been raised from the pillar¡¯s explosion was obscuring us. It seemed that she was taking it easy now that I¡¯d been hit with her absurd 40-year duration debuff. The plushie looked up at me with a weird expression on his face. It was completely neutral, as though he¡¯d become someone other than the panicking commentator and coach of just moments before. ¡°There¡¯s a way out of this,¡± he said in a steady voice. I blinked, confused. But something about the way he looked at me made me ask, ¡°How?¡± ¡°Like this.¡± Nothing happened for a moment, while the sound of the Queen rummaging around nearby was loud in my ears. Then it came, unexpected and mind-blowing. BENEFACTOR CHANGE ALERT! ¡®The Pro-Glitch Confederation¡¯ has been outbid by your new Benefactor: ¡®Pandamonium¡¯ ¡°Panda¡­ You¡¯re a¡­ You¡¯re one of them!?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve always been, Gambit. Ever since the beginning.¡± My mind was reeling from shock, but it seemed his surprises were far from over.
Benefactor Gift
This is a gifted item from your Benefactor. The following message was included with your Gift: Let¡¯s go back to the start, Gambit. Let¡¯s save all the friends we lost. Pandamonium
Reward: ¡®Game.restart( )¡¯ ability
¡®Game.restart( )¡¯ x
Ability How the hell did you get this ability!? This is a System Command that not even Adjudicators can access! Return to the start of the GREAT GAME. Charge: 1/1 USING THIS SKILL WILL CAUSE MAJOR DISRUPTIONS TO THE GREAT GAME!
The world had gone completely silent and the only thing I could hear was the beating of my heart. All this time, Panda had really been more than just a figment of my imagination. The Queen¡¯s deafening voice pulled me back into the moment. ¡°FOUND YOU!¡± Massive pincers lifted the pillar we were using as cover, exposing us to the giant insect monstrosity. ¡°Use it!¡± Panda yelled, his voice back to its usual tone. I gritted my teeth. I¡¯ll find a way to save you, Bee! ¡°Game.restart( )!¡± SYSTEM COMMAND ACTIVATED! ¡­ ¡­Blocking attempted Adjudicator interference¡­ ¡­ ¡­Peeling back dimensional veil¡­ ¡­ ¡­Attempting to stabilize time-line¡­ ¡­ Error! ¡­ ¡­Employing janky work-around to prevent Paradox destabilization¡­ ¡­ < < RESTARTING > > I felt myself unravel and turn into spaghetti noodles. My surroundings were pulled away at an insane speed and morphed into a kaleidoscope blur, while I had the sensation of falling and then being pressed through a tube. There was a light at the end, and I followed it¡ª *** The world was stained crimson, through the thick tempered glass window covered by bars, while fat droplets slowly rolled down the outside, leaving oily streaks in their wake. I regarded the blood rain with an ambivalent look, although at least the sun¡¯s light through the oily streaks dyed my white walls in a fascinating pink hue. ¡°Wednesday already?¡± I remarked to the empty cell. It always felt like something was missing. Like an inexplicable void that no one could fill. I often liked to talk to the void, as though it actually listened and understood what I was saying. ¡°I¡¯ve been here for too long,¡± I sighed. Then my body started to balloon from inside. Perhaps eating forty-seven tacos had been a bad id¡ª BANG! I arrived in a familiar cell. I had returned to the asylum once again and¡ª ¡°Why is there blood everywhere?¡± I asked, looking around in confusion. ¡°That was close,¡± Panda sighed with relief. ¡°I¡¯m actually quite surprised that worked.¡± I saw bits of hair stuck to the nearby sink, as well as an easily-recognizable intestinal tract and kidney. ¡°Erm¡­ Panda?¡± The plushie on my shoulder turned to look at me. ¡°Yea?¡± ¡°Please tell me I didn¡¯t just kill my past self to prevent a time paradox.¡± ¡°Err¡­¡± ¡°Fucking hell, Panda!¡± I yelled. I started wiping down my Unicorn Suit, but the blood just wouldn¡¯t come off. ¡°I think we were sent back to a different dimension, so it would¡¯ve been an issue if there were two of you.¡± ¡°Oh my God! I really just killed myself!¡± ¡°You¡¯re taking this a lot harder than I thought you would,¡± he remarked. ¡°I thought it felt really weird being squeezed through a tube, but I didn¡¯t realize it was inside my other self! That¡¯s a truly horrific ability, Panda!¡± ¡°Good thing it only has one use then,¡± he replied evenly. ¡°Anyway, there¡¯s been a bit of a hiccup.¡± I stopped wiping myself down to look at him. ¡°What?¡± ¡°The Great Game hasn¡¯t started yet.¡± ¡°Wasn¡¯t that meant to happen?¡± I asked. ¡°What I mean is: we¡¯re early. Like at least an entire day early.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that going to just make it easier to find this dimension¡¯s version of Bee, Samantha, Tina, Chris, and Steve?¡± ¡°Yes and no,¡± he replied. I plucked a tooth out of my hair. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Try bringing up your Status.¡± ¡°Status,¡± I said. Nothing happened. ¡°Oh¡­ Oh no.¡± ¡°Yep. No skills, no nothing.¡± I looked at the balloon glove on my hand. ¡°Brock? Are you still there?¡± Nothing. I tapped the quartz transport cage in the front pocket of my suit. ¡°Lordie??¡± Also nothing. ¡°I think I¡¯m gonna have a panic attack,¡± I told him, realizing both Brock and Lordie were gone. ¡°Why do I suddenly feel so miserable!?¡± ¡°So, the attributes that the System grants you affect your body and mind quite a lot. As far as I can tell, you haven¡¯t lost any of your skills or levels¡­ They¡¯re just inaccessible to you right now. Same with Lordie.¡± ¡°Oh my God, I¡¯ve become¡­ human.¡± Panda sighed. ¡°Anyway, we have more time to find our friends, but I¡¯ve got no idea what it¡¯s like outside prior to the initialization of the System.¡± I nodded, already over my initial panic. ¡°Bee was around the Kindergarten when the Great Game started.¡± Panda shook his head. ¡°She might not be there. It was almost a full day after the Great Game¡¯s start when you originally met her, remember?¡± ¡°Not in the slightest.¡± He sighed again. I started walking towards the security door to the cell but then thought better of it and spun around, going towards the window instead. With a single punch from my balloon gauntlet, the security glass fractured. Another punch sent several of the bars flying. ¡°Thank fuck I still have my strength,¡± I said. ¡°Uh, yeah, so¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure you¡¯re not meant to have that yet,¡± Panda remarked, sounding worried. ¡°Don¡¯t look a gift-horse in the mouth, Panda,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s time to rescue Bee!¡± Chapter 1 I punched the remaining bars, removing them from the window of the asylum cell. Once they were all gone, I eyed the opening. The gap was maybe 3 feet tall. ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll fit through there,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°I¡¯m not that fat. But this¡¯ll require a run-up,¡± I decided and backed away to give myself enough space. ¡°You know, if you die before the Great Game starts, then none of your items and skills will help you,¡± Panda said. Suddenly pounding came from the reinforced door behind me. Then the intercom came to life and announced, [WE ARE COMING IN! STEP AWAY FROM THE DOOR!] ¡°You¡¯ll never catch me alive!¡± I yelled and sprinted for the window. The heavy door slowly slid open behind me as I dove head-first out into freedom. Shouting followed me from the cell as I emerged out into the street next to the asylum. I caught myself in a roll as I landed, then sprang up and continued running while laughing like a maniac. ¡°I wonder if they¡¯ll chase after you,¡± Panda muttered. I followed the same route that I¡¯d gone the first time I¡¯d escaped from the asylum, but this time the world wasn¡¯t in the grips of the Great Game. Or well, not entirely. Around me on the street were abandoned cars, motorbikes, and scooters. I remembered what Annabella Exposici¨®n had told me over a week ago when I met her in the Pool Rooms. ¡°Her name isn¡¯t Exposici¨®n, it¡¯s Encarnaci¨®n,¡± Panda said. ¡°Stop interrupting my inner monologue.¡± She¡¯d said that technology had stopped working and that the power had gone out of most places, except for public facilities like the Asylum, the Police Headquarters, etc. ¡°Don¡¯t forget the public transport,¡± Panda added. ¡°Oh right, those too. Do you know how long we¡¯ve got before the Great Game starts? I¡¯d like to capture a Humanbus and turn it into a Safe-Zone-on-wheels. I should still have the Safe Zone Sphere. I hope¡­¡± ¡°We¡¯re at least a day early, but it¡¯s hard to say for sure. It was a Thursday when the Great Game started in the last dimension, but that might not be the same start date as here.¡± I looked around at the puddles of blood nearby. ¡°It¡¯s really weird it¡¯s raining blood here on Wednesdays¡­¡± Panda bapped me on the head. ¡°Focus. The park should be nearby, which means that Annabella should be there too.¡± As I ran towards the park, shouting came from the entrance of the asylum. I looked back over my shoulder and saw six orderlies. One of them was holding a big-ass syringe. ¡°I¡¯m surprised they actually care about bringing you back in,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°That¡¯s because I¡¯m special,¡± I said as I ran past the bowling alley called ¡®Time to Spare¡¯. A face looked out of the doorway as I barreled past. I wondered if it was the same people who I¡¯d gotten killed last time by bringing the beetle agents inside with me. Before long I¡¯d completely outpaced the orderlies and was coming up on the park. ¡°I think your Athleticism attribute might be active as well¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°You¡¯re running really fast.¡± ¡°I thought this was my normal running speed,¡± I replied. ¡°You¡¯re faster than a racing bike¡­¡± ¡°Maybe it just seems slower because my Schmonic Boots aren¡¯t working.¡± I skidded to a halt as I reached the park. Its grass and hedges were untrimmed, though they seemed too overgrown for that to simply be the result of no maintenance in the few days since the apocalypse began. Weeds and flowers grew out of control, but there were a few carefully-pruned sections of the lawns where plants like radishes, turnips, carrots, spinach, and other fast-growing crops were planted. A group of about twenty people were tending to the crops and taking care of tents and other equipment that they seemed to have looted from somewhere nearby. One of them spotted me and called out in alarm. Within seconds, pitchforks, axes, steak knives, hedge clippers, and other improvised weapons were aimed at me by a mob of scared-looking people. I recognized two of them, Annabella and the office guy who¡¯d turned into a Skinstealer in the Pool Rooms. ¡°His name was Sam,¡± Panda told me. ¡°Get out of here!¡± yelled a woman holding an icepick in front of herself. ¡°I come in peace!¡± I shouted back, lifting my hands above my head. ¡°Why are you dressed like that?¡± asked a younger woman who was holding a machete. ¡°Err¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ve seen his face before! He¡¯s one of those serial killers!¡± exclaimed one of the men. ¡°Ah shit¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I think you¡¯re right!¡± said another. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I¡¯m just a cosplayer!¡± I lied. All the chatter immediately stopped as the angry mob stared at my outfit. One of the men nodded appreciatively. ¡°¡®Donquixote Doflamingo¡¯, right?¡± ¡°His clothes are the wrong color!¡± a woman criticized. ¡°And the cape is supposed to be pink!¡± I turned to Panda. ¡°What the fuck are they talking about?¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s someone from One Piece.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t have to deal with their legal team if they think I¡¯m infringing on their IP, right?¡± I whispered. ¡°Hard to say,¡± he replied. ¡°Remember the reason why your Schmonic Boots are called that and not S***c Boots?¡± ¡°Shit¡­ It might be worth putting a disclaimer somewhere that this is a legally-distinct outfit not meant to infringe on their copyrighted design.¡± He nodded. ¡°Better safe than sorry.¡± Annabella emerged from the mob. ¡°Guys! I think he¡¯s okay!¡± she said. At her words, everyone seemed to relax. They all quickly returned to what they¡¯d been doing before. I lowered my hands. ¡°Phew.¡± The woman walked closer and said in a hushed voice. ¡°You¡¯re from the asylum, right?¡± ¡°Maybe¡­¡± I replied. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I know who you are, [REDACTED].¡± ¡°You can just call me Gambit,¡± I told her, shuddering at the utterance of my real name. ¡°I¡¯m Annabella,¡± she replied. ¡°For what it¡¯s worth, I¡¯m glad you stabbed that fat piece of shit Mayor. I was one of the people out marching in the streets, y¡¯know. It isn¡¯t right how they¡¯ve been treating people in Castleburg.¡± Stolen story; please report. ¡°They framed the death of his dog on me,¡± I quickly added. ¡°The Chief of Police set me up.¡± She nodded. ¡°I thought so. Still, most people think you¡¯re a psycho.¡± ¡°This is quite the change from last time,¡± Panda noted. Back then she¡¯d called me a monster. Granted, I¡¯d also killed her friend who¡¯d turned into a Skinstealer, which probably had something to do with it. ¡°Are you planning on staying here with us?¡± she asked. ¡°We¡¯ve got a garden going and everything. We¡¯ve even managed to loot a lot of preserved food, so no one is going hungry. We¡¯re planning to stay here until the army comes to rescue us. We¡¯ve got tents and everything, plus, as you just saw, we¡¯re capable of protecting ourselves. There¡¯s been a few gangs coming through here, but most of them went north towards Downtown, so it¡¯s been safe the last couple days.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just passing through,¡± I told her. ¡°I¡¯m looking for a few of my friends though.¡± ¡°Hmm, if they aren¡¯t around here, then there¡¯s a big group of survivors at Serenity Park Mall you could check. But I wouldn¡¯t recommend going there alone. There are a lot of small gangs camping out the highway and attacking everyone who comes through. Who are you looking for though?¡± ¡°Perhaps her name is ¡®Exposici¨®n¡¯ after all,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I¡¯m primarily looking for a girl named Bee,¡± I told her. ¡°What¡¯s she look like?¡± ¡°Err¡ª¡± ¡°Goddamn, Gambit, really?¡± Panda interrupted. ¡°Before her transformation into a beetle, she had black shoulder-length hair and wore an XL dark-grey hoodie with the print of a neon-yellow smiley on it.¡± I repeated the description. ¡°Sounds familiar,¡± she said, thinking on it for a moment. ¡°Oh, right! She came through here three days ago. She was looking for someone named Milton. She stole one of our machetes and went towards the kindergarten north-west of here.¡± ¡°Thank the Gods,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°But who the hell is ¡®Milton¡¯??¡± ¡°What about a grumpy bald guy in a Hawaii Shirt called Steve?¡± ¡°He¡¯s with a smaller group near the library,¡± she answered. ¡°They were apparently going to try and beat the gang holed up in that building, since it still has power and running water.¡± ¡°Man, she just knows everybody,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°I¡¯m also looking for a blonde guy called Chris, a sour businesswoman called Samantha who has a blonde perm, a bald psychotic woman called Tina and/or Nina, and lastly, Otto the Otter Mascot.¡± Annabella blinked. ¡°Otto the Otter Mascot? Think he¡¯s gotta be in Madeville, though I haven¡¯t heard anything from there since everything went down six days ago.¡± ¡°What about the others?¡± She shook her head. ¡°Don¡¯t know ¡®em.¡± ¡°I see. Well, thanks Annabella.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re really not going to stay? It¡¯s safer here.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know about that,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta find Bee,¡± I told her. I was about to leave, when I realized I could perhaps change her fate thanks to my knowledge from the future. I placed my hands on her shoulders and stared into her eyes. ¡°Why is your right eye like that?¡± she blurted out. I frowned. ¡°Listen. This is very important.¡± She nodded slowly. ¡°Whatever you do, don¡¯t go into the public swimming pool! And stay away from the lakes in Serenity Park! Oh, and sometime, probably tomorrow, the bus is gonna come through here. You should hide as soon as you see the message that the Great Game starts. But don¡¯t hide in any of the buildings with power!¡± Annabella¡¯s face cycled through alarm, confusion, and then disbelief. Before she could voice her thoughts, I quickly added: ¡°And try to find a bow to practice with! That¡¯ll be important for when you unlock your Class!¡± I let go of her shoulders, gave her a thumbs-up and an award-winning smile, then I ran away from the park towards the kindergarten. The people all watched me go. Before I went out of sight, someone yelled, ¡°Your cosplay sucks!¡±
After passing by Normann¡¯s tailor shop, which was barred like last time, I followed the street full of shops down to the end and went left towards the kindergarten. The sound of an engine running and tires scraping the road brought me to a complete halt. I instinctively hid behind an abandoned truck. Half a minute later, a bus rolled down the road, pushing aside a tiny two-seater smart car as though it weighed nothing. The bus itself was completely normal, with a white color-scheme and the familiar blue and yellow stripes that wrapped around the bottom-half. I peeked my head out to look and noticed that it was completely driverless. Inside were six people with knives and bats. It looked like they¡¯d hoarded food and equipment into the backseats. As the bus reached a nearby stop, they all surged towards the doors as they opened, and stood guard to prevent anyone from entering. ¡°Those morons are about to become Humanbus food,¡± I muttered. ¡°If you didn¡¯t know that, their strategy would be kind of clever,¡± Panda said. I shook my head. ¡°Cowards.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the one hiding¡­¡± he pointed out. ¡°That¡¯s only because I thought it was a Humanbus.¡± I watched as the bus turned down the road of shops that I¡¯d just come from. When it was out of sight I left my cover and continued towards the kindergarten. I covered the few blocks¡¯ distance to the place and entered through the playground where we had been dumped last time after completing Bungo¡¯s Playroom. Before I had time to reminisce, I heard shouting from inside the building. There were large windows covered in old stickers and whatnot, and a door to one of the classrooms nearby. I couldn¡¯t see any of the people shouting from here, so I ran up to the door and entered the building. For a second, as I crossed the threshold, I had the irrational fear that I¡¯d be sent back to Bungo¡¯s Playroom, but then nothing happened. The shouting was a lot louder now and I moved through the classroom and emerged out into a large hallway. Further down were two groups of survivors that looked to be on the verge of fighting. One group had a bunch of losers in it, and the other looked like gym bros who¡¯d long given up the ability to scratch their backs in exchange for more muscle. ¡°Look! It¡¯s Tammy-Lee!¡± Panda exclaimed, pointing at one of the losers. I blinked and looked a bit closer. Sure enough, wearing a pink jogging set was the woman who¡¯d saved me from death with her crowbar. A crowbar she was currently threatening the bulked-up dudes with. Next to her was a morbidly-obese green-haired person and a middle-aged guy in a suit. There was also a very thin mousy woman hiding behind them, and a guy with a fedora who wore a t-shirt with the print of an anime schoolgirl in a compromising position. ¡°This is our territory now!¡± shouted one of the musclebound dudes. He had veins visible along his forehead and neck. ¡°One papercut to the face and that guy¡¯s done for,¡± Panda remarked. I walked towards the group with as much swagger as I could manage, but before I could put a stop to the fight, Tammy-Lee clocked one of the guys in the head when he suddenly charged her. Then all hell broke loose. ¡°Oh shit,¡± I cursed and ran forward, just as the guy in the suit was picked up and thrown across the hallway. His clothes tore as he collided with a metal locker. Tammy-Lee yelled something in Russian and struck another guy, while her friends backed off towards the exit and their friend in the suit, who was unconscious on the floor. ¡°I wonder if this also happened last time?¡± Panda said. One of the big guys was about to punch Tammy in the head, when I leapt in with a strike to his face using Brock. Squeak! Everyone froze and looked at me. ¡°Who the fuck are you?¡± asked one of the gym bros. The guy I¡¯d punched looked at my gauntlet and said, ¡°He just hit me with a ballo¡ª¡± Suddenly he flew across the hall, striking the floor and leaving a streak of blood, before bouncing off into the ceiling and leaving another. He landed in a heap next to a utility closet, his head missing. ¡°Holy fuck, Gambit!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°You just killed a guy!¡± I looked down at Brock with a grin, then I ran my gaze along the other bulked-out muscleheads. ¡°You¡¯re a strange-looking man,¡± said Tammy-Lee in a thick Russian accent. ¡°He just killed Hunter!¡± yelled a guy with a red crowbar-shaped mark on his forehead. ¡°Everyone, shut up!¡± I said, pointing my balloon gauntlet at the guys. ¡°I need to know where Milton is!¡± The gym bros looked between each other, each of them shaking their heads. I turned to look at Tammy-Lee, but she shook her head too. ¡°I do not know where he is, but a young girl came by looking for him earlier.¡± ¡°This is for Hunter!¡± someone suddenly yelled and punched me in the back of the head. The loud crunch of his finger bones confirmed something that I¡¯d been wondering about. ¡°He¡¯s made out of metal!¡± exclaimed the guy with the now-broken hand. I spun around and headbutted him hard enough to slam him to the ground. ¡°It¡¯s silver,¡± I said. ¡°He¡¯s dead¡­¡± Panda remarked drily. I looked down at the rapidly-spreading puddle of blood from his caved-in face. ¡°Woops.¡± ¡°Eh, it¡¯s probably fine, canonically,¡± Panda then said. ¡°If they took over the kindergarten, they were probably turned into monsters when it became a dungeon.¡± I eyed the six muscleheads remaining. ¡°Unless you want to end up like your friends, I suggest you get lost. If not, I¡¯ve got a knuckle sandwich waiting for each of you.¡± It suddenly felt like someone pinched my cheek. ¡°Ow.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± Panda said, looking at me. ¡°Is the Bad Catchphrase thing still in effect!? I thought that was tied to the Great Game! Why is that working now!? That raises so many weird and potentially paradoxical questions!¡± ¡°This is for Brayden!¡± yelled another of the muscleheads as he charged me. I sighed. ¡°It¡¯s like they¡¯re trying to get killed.¡± ¡°It might cause more problems if they survive,¡± Panda said. ¡°Butterfly effect and all that. Eh, who am I kidding, you¡¯ve already pretty much fucked up the future.¡± Tammy-Lee backed away as I punched each of the muscular dudes into the ground, their bodies not standing a chance against my balloon gauntlet and heightened strength. All of them kept shouting the name of the person I¡¯d just killed, as though the whole thing was following a weird script. And each of them had strong I-was-prom-king-in-high-school names, with the next four being called Tyler, Dylan, Chad, and Brad. Just so I¡¯d be able to know his name, the last guy even shouted, ¡°I¡¯m Tanner and this is for Jace!¡± Then I uppercutted him hard enough that his head flew off his body, pulling the spine along with it like some kind of Mortal Combat fatality move. I turned to ask Tammy where she¡¯d seen Bee heading towards, but then I realized that she¡¯d left with her friends. ¡°Big surprise, you just murdered a bunch of people. Like, with terrifying ease. Even if this was during the Great Game that¡¯d still rattle anyone who saw it.¡± I looked around at the eight dead and bleeding gym rats. ¡°You said it was okay since they were gonna die anyway!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t blame me for this!¡± ¡°I thought I was cleaning up a time paradox! You know I can¡¯t handle complex situations like that!¡± Panda paused. ¡°Shit, you¡¯re right. This was my fault.¡± He made a big show of looking around at the muscular corpses that were buried in the floor, lockers, ceiling, or otherwise splattered across the hallway. ¡°Eh, you know, I don¡¯t think anything of value was really lost.¡± ¡°They might¡¯ve hurt Tammy-Lee and her friends, so I think I did the right thing.¡± ¡°Ehh, I¡¯m not entirely sure about that. Tammy was definitely the first to strike here¡­¡± ¡°Shit, I was really hoping I could use that as my excuse.¡± Panda patted me on the head. ¡°When this place turns into the Playrooms again, all the evidence will be gone. Nobody will have to know what you did.¡± I nodded. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta go stop the witnesses before they get too far.¡± ¡°Wait, what? No, don¡¯t do that!¡± I ignored him as I ran back the way I¡¯d come, yelling for Tammy-Lee and her friends to stop running when I spotted them outside in the playground. For some reason that just made them run faster. Chapter 2 ¡°I finally caught up to you,¡± I said, while Tammy-Lee and her friends looked around the dead-end they¡¯d ended up trapped in during our little chase. ¡°Please, don¡¯t kill us!¡± yelled the mousy woman. The guy with the fedora had soiled himself and was crying. The obese green-haired person, who was holding the unconscious suit guy, had a grim look on their face. Tammy was standing in front of them, guarding them all with the crowbar in her hands. I took a step towards them, and they all tensed up. ¡°Kill you?¡± I asked. ¡°I just want to know where Bee went. The girl who was looking for Milton.¡± ¡°If I tell you, you will let us go?¡± asked Tammy. ¡°Of course,¡± I said. ¡°She went towards the Stop & Shop six blocks away. It still has power and water, as well as food. But there is a big gang who claimed it. They are dangerous. I told her, but she would not listen.¡± ¡°Do you know who this Milton guy is?¡± I asked. ¡°No.¡± ¡°I wonder why Bee wants to find him,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s her friend, or a family member.¡± I turned to Panda. ¡°She stole a machete, right? Probably isn¡¯t a friend, I reckon.¡± The group watched me closely, clearly freaked out. ¡°Oh right!¡± I said, startling the mousy woman and fedora guy. ¡°Stay away from anywhere that has lights on. And also, don¡¯t go into public transport. Tomorrow is probably going to get pretty crazy, so try to find some more weapons.¡± They shared a few brief glances between them. ¡°They probably think you¡¯re crazy,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Understandably so.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Alright, catch you guys later!¡± I told them and made to leave. None of them moved an inch. I stopped mid-step and spun around, startling them a second time. ¡°I almost forgot! Don¡¯t tell anyone about what you saw in the kindergarten, okay?¡± I asked, putting a balloon-gloved finger up in front of my lips. The mousy woman started crying. I left the dead-end alleyway and headed towards my new destination. ¡°They really thought you were going to kill them,¡± Panda said. I shook my head. ¡°Even though I saved them.¡± ¡°It was probably the way you saved them, not to mention hunting them down in the streets.¡± ¡°Sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to make an omelet.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not how the saying goes,¡± he said with a sigh. I ran the six blocks to the Stop & Shop, which was a store I¡¯d been inside a few times in the past, since my old apartment wasn¡¯t too far from it. ¡°I should go see if my stuff is still in the apartment.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no chance,¡± Panda replied. ¡°Maybe Kevin is there,¡± I said hopefully. ¡°Maybe he returned home and has been waiting for me all this time.¡± Panda sighed. I went around a residential block and the large store came into view. Most of the letters had been torn down from the large purple sign, such that it now just read ¡®P & P¡¯. The weird logo with the four half-moon slices was still intact though. The dull light-grey wooden fa?ade was stained with obscene and frankly quite childish graffiti. ¡°PP Gang?¡± Panda read out loud, seeing one of the tags on the wall. I shook my head. ¡°Amateurs.¡± About two feet of red bricks ringed around the bottom of the large building, forming the foundation. A few probably-not-load-bearing white pillars held up the off-white metal strip that ran along the middle of the wall. The letters that would normally say stuff like ¡®Fresh Picked Produce¡¯ and ¡®Citizens Bank¡¯ had been torn down. In their place, on the awning that covered the entrance, were letters fastened with duct tape that read ¡®Milton rulez¡¯. About six young-looking guys were gathered outside the entrance, doing pushups to impress a girl sitting on the charred husk of a car. Her hair was gelled into spikes and looked to have been spray-painted pink and black. She wore a leather jacket and was covered in piercings. ¡°Looks like a bad Mad Max cosplay,¡± Panda criticized. I walked up to them and the guys all got to their feet, before brandishing knives, pipes, and bare fists. ¡°What do you want!?¡± yelled one of them right into my face, showering me with spit. ¡°This is PP Gang¡¯s territory!¡± ¡°Tell them you want to talk to Milton,¡± Panda advised. ¡°Milton,¡± I said and kicked him in the nuts. He produced a string of sounds like a dog toy being violently played with. The others backed off, yelling in alarm. The woman jumped down from the roof of the car and ran towards the store¡¯s entrance. Surprisingly, the guy hadn¡¯t been split in two or anything like that. It was as though my Strength boost had failed to activate. ¡°Goddamn it, Gambit!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°Why did you do that?¡± I turned to look at him. ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this shit, and I got his spit all over my face.¡± Clang! A pipe had struck me right in the head, bending around my skull. ¡°Ow,¡± I muttered and looked at the guy who¡¯d hit me. He¡¯d frozen in fear, so I grabbed the pipe from his hands and bent it around his neck, before tying a knot on it. The guy collapsed onto his ass while frantically trying to undo the knot as he slowly suffocated. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. I strode towards the four other guys, but they immediately scrambled for the safety of the store. ¡°Milton!¡± I yelled as I followed them in. The interior of the large store was a total mess and barely recognizable. The shelves between aisles had been knocked over and there was stuff everywhere. Someone had even hung a teddy bear from the ceiling with the cord of a lamp. As Tammy had said, the lights all worked inside, which meant this place would become a dungeon as soon as the Great Game began. No sooner had I climbed atop a fallen shelf than improvised projectiles flew my way from further in where shelves and freezer counters had been arranged almost like a fort. There were also people on the floor and other fallen shelves between me and the fort, and they were armed with stuff like toy bows, weaponized cans and bottles, as well as slingshots. None of the stuff hurt when it hit me, and I managed to catch a bottle out of the air, before throwing it back with enough force to cave in a guy¡¯s ribcage. ¡°Holy fuck!¡± Panda exclaimed. ¡°You don¡¯t have to use lethal force on them!¡± ¡°Who cares, they¡¯ll all die tomorrow anyway if they stay here.¡± ¡°I¡¯m realizing now that giving you an excuse like that was quite a reckless decision on my part.¡± I ignored him and continued marching through the store, while returning fire against all the ranged attackers. I broke off a bit of a metal shelve and flung it like a boomerang, managing to decapitate a guy with a stapler in his hands. Panda kept reacting loudly to my actions, but I didn¡¯t care. They¡¯d been the ones to start it after all. ¡°That¡¯s not true,¡± he complained. When I made it to the walls of the ¡®fort¡¯, with ten people dead or injured in my wake, eight people leaped over the edge with weapons in their hands. One of them had an honest-to-God katana, the rest had machetes and knives. Realizing that taking hits from bladed weapons was probably not a good idea, I backed off and let them come at me. I dodged a slash from the katana and punched the guy hard enough to fling him across the room, then I grabbed his sword and sliced it through the two right behind him. Nothing happened for a couple seconds, but then they fell into two pieces. Seeing the easy way I dealt with their friends, the rest immediately tried to flee, but I didn¡¯t let them. Half a minute later the rest were on the ground, cut to pieces or shattered by my punches. I climbed over the wall of the fort and found three women, one of them the pink spiky-haired girl from earlier, cowering behind a display freezer that stank of fish. ¡°Don¡¯t kill us!¡± one of them yelled. This girl also had gelled-up hair, but it was spray-painted red. I scanned their faces, but none of them were Bee. ¡°I¡¯m looking for my friend,¡± I told them. ¡°She¡¯s got short black hair and is probably wearing a hoodie with a neon-yellow smiley on it.¡± They looked at each other. ¡°She was here just moments ago,¡± said the pink-haired girl. ¡°Where?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± I sighed. ¡°What about Milton? Where¡¯s he at?¡± ¡°In the bathroom!¡± said a third, who looked like a normal soccer mom. She was at least ten years older than the rest of them. ¡°What the hell is she doing with this crowd?¡± Panda muttered, echoing my thoughts. I left the three behind and walked towards the bathrooms set into the back wall at the far end of their fort. Before I could make it there, footsteps on the floor came from behind me and I turned just in time to see the pink-haired girl stab a screwdriver into my stomach. Unlike last time someone had tried to gore me with that tool, the tip simply just bent instead of piercing through my unicorn suit. She looked down at the weapon in her hand, disbelief on her face. ¡°M-monster!¡± I grabbed her by the throat with my left hand and lifted her off the ground, pulling my right arm back to prepare to punch her across the store. ¡°Why is it always screwdrivers?¡± I wondered. ¡°Karmic symbolism?¡± Panda suggested. The woman looked at Brock with fear in her eyes, while squirming weakly against my grip. ¡°Spare me!¡± I heard a high-pitched man¡¯s voice yelling from the bathrooms behind me. The voice wasn¡¯t directed at me, and someone else yelled back in response. ¡°You don¡¯t get to plead for mercy!¡± It was Bee¡¯s voice. I immediately let go of the woman and marched into the men¡¯s bathroom, leaving her gasping on the floor behind me. Inside it stank of shit. Despite having access to running water and power, it seemed no one had taken up the duty of cleaning. ¡°Why are you humans always so foul?¡± Panda commented. There was a stall down at the far end, from which came the pained sounds of someone fighting for their life in more ways than one. Standing in the open doorway of the stall was a girl I¡¯d be able to recognize anywhere in the world. ¡°Liar,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°You¡¯d totally forgotten what she looked like earlier!¡± Her hair was black and cropped just above her shoulders. She wore a large white t-shirt and baggy black trousers with a chain hanging from her back pocket to her belt. On her feet were black sneakers. ¡°Bee!¡± I exclaimed excitedly. The girl took a step back from the stall and looked at me. She had half a scissor in her hand, the other half torn off to create an improvised shiv. Her face was round with big apple cheeks. Her expression was grim, as her dark eyes ran up-and-down my attire. ¡°Are you the one who they were all yelling about?¡± she asked. ¡°Is someone else out there!?¡± came a high-pitched man¡¯s voice from inside the stall. ¡°Please, you¡¯ve gotta help me, this girl¡¯s crazy!¡± ¡°Shut the fuck up, Milton!¡± Bee shouted back at the guy inside. ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± I asked her. Her grip on the scissor shiv tightened and she clenched her teeth. ¡°He killed my parents!¡± My heart skipped a beat. Back when we¡¯d been in the taxi game together and had been asked where our parents were, she¡¯d said they were still alive and back at their home. I hadn¡¯t questioned it at all, but in hindsight it had clearly been a lie. ¡°Move,¡± I said, feeling anger take a hold of me. ¡°I¡¯ll deal with this guy.¡± ¡°No!¡± she protested. ¡°He¡¯s mine to deal with!¡± ¡°Maybe this is the reason why she had such a high insanity gauge when you first met her,¡± Panda guessed. I took a deep breath. ¡°Listen, Bee. You don¡¯t have to get his blood on your hands. I¡¯ll do it, don¡¯t worry.¡± She dropped the scissor shiv to the floor and started crying. ¡°You just wait outside,¡± I told her. Panda hopped from my shoulder and onto hers as she hurried past me, leaving the bathroom. After she was gone, I walked to the open stall. ¡°Hey Milton,¡± I said, looking at the guy who was sitting on the toilet, his pants down around his ankles. ¡°You saved me,¡± he said, gratefully. ¡°Trust me,¡± I told him, ¡°in a few moments you¡¯ll really wish I hadn¡¯t.¡±
After I¡¯d dealt with Milton, I came out of the men¡¯s bathroom to find Bee sitting on the floor, hugging her legs. Panda was standing in front of her, one of his squishy arms pressed against her head to try and console her, though she of course didn¡¯t know he was there. He looked up at me. ¡°I had no idea a person could make sounds like that.¡± ¡°Me neither,¡± I replied. ¡°Is he dead?¡± Bee asked, her voice muffled by her knees. ¡°They¡¯ll need a sponge to clean up what¡¯s left of him,¡± I said. ¡°Good.¡± I reached my hand down. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get out of here.¡± The three women had all vanished, but the corpses of all the other PP Gang members were strewn about the place. There was a trail of blood from one guy who¡¯d managed to crawl outside. Bee looked up at me with red-ringed eyes. I¡¯d never seen her in such a state before and the sight physically hurt me. She was like the little sister I¡¯d never had and seeing her hurt like this made me want to hunt down every last person responsible for her sadness. ¡°Who are you?¡± she asked. ¡°Only my friends call me Bee. They¡¯re all gone now though. I don¡¯t know where they went¡­¡± ¡°They must¡¯ve been taken by the Child Protective Services,¡± Panda guessed. ¡°Still have no clue why she was left behind though¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m Gambit,¡± I told her. ¡°I¡¯m from the future.¡± She smiled. ¡°You look like it. Although I thought you were doing a bad One Piece cosplay at first.¡± ¡°Why does everyone keep saying that?¡± I muttered, annoyed. ¡°It¡¯s probably the swan-feather cape,¡± Panda said. ¡°Are we friends in the future?¡± Bee asked. ¡°Oh, you bet! We¡¯re like the bestest friends,¡± I insisted. ¡°And in the future you¡¯ll be able to do magic and solve puzzles and all this amazing stuff!¡± She laughed again. ¡°I do like puzzles.¡± Then she took my hand and got up from the floor, wiping her face. ¡°That sounds like fun,¡± she said, a glint of madness in her eyes. ¡°That was way too easy¡­¡± Panda muttered. ¡°Should we be concerned?¡± I ignored him. ¡°Alright, here¡¯s the plan,¡± I told her, leaning in conspiratorially. ¡°First we¡¯ve gotta find this grumpy business lady who, once the Great Game starts, becomes like the protagonist or some shit.¡± ¡°The Great Game?¡± she asked. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°It¡¯s how you¡¯ll get magic powers,¡± I told her. ¡°It¡¯s like a messed-up show that turns our entire world into a game.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°After that we have to find Chris. Oh, but we should probably go to my apartment first, Kevin might be there.¡± ¡°Kevin?¡± ¡°My pet bull frog.¡± She nodded. ¡°Then we have to find the Mayor and deal with him. And we should probably also hit up Serenity Mall and see if the Chief of Police is hiding there. Both those guys have got to go, obviously.¡± ¡°That¡¯s all?¡± she asked, laughing. ¡°Not even close! We also have to find my friend Tina, she¡¯s bald and pretty crazy. And lastly we¡¯ve gotta save Otto the Otter Mascot!¡± ¡°At what point do I get magic?¡± ¡°Sometime tomorrow, I¡¯m pretty sure.¡± She let go of my hand and went over to where the bloodied katana was left behind on the floor. After wiping it off she swung it through the air a few times. Then she looked back at me. ¡°Lead the way, ¡®Gambit¡¯.¡± I grinned and strode towards the entrance. Bee followed closely behind me. ¡°This timeline is already doomed,¡± Panda muttered exasperatedly. Book 1 Stub Announcement Hi everybody. I feel bad about pinging all the readers of this series and not having a chapter for y''all, but I also didn''t want to put this announcement in Chapter 3 on Wednesday. So, as many of you probably already know, I am self-publishing Madman Apocalypse to Amazon. The release date is May 1st. To comply with the Kindle Unlimited exclusivity, I have to take the story down from all sites where I''ve posted it, meaning RoyalRoad and Patreon. To play it on the safe side, I will stub Book 1 a bit in advance of the actual release date, so Book 1 (except for Chapter 0) will be made unavailable on RR the 21st of April. For anyone who''d like to support my self-publishing endeavour by pre-ordering, here is the link to my Amazon page. It will of course also be available to all Kindle Unlimited members on release day. I''m genuinely so nervous about the launch, because I know that if it goes poorly there''s nobody but myself to blame. So, it''s quite a lot of pressure ^-^'' I''ve worked really hard to polish up Book 1 with the help of my editor and I''m super proud of how it turned out. (Turns out there were quite a few plotholes in the text that I don''t think anyone noticed. Like, where did the pink Hard Hat go??) Anyway, for those who prefer audio over text, I am also happy to announce that Tantor is producing the audiobook and the fantastic Eric Michael Summerer will be the narrator. It will be available on May 1st as well. They will be releasing it on Audible, Apple, Spotify, Audiobooks.com, Google Play, and certain retail partners. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. Here is a link for where to find it. (The link will be updated when they actually release it, currently just says Coming Soon) * * * It may not need to be said, but I will say this just to be very transparent: Madman Apocalypse will continue to be released on RR first before I ever publish it elsewhere. This isn''t some "yoink, the story is gone and you won''t see any new updates ever again!" kind of thing that''s happening. Just wanted to make that clear in case anyone thought that might be what''s happening. Anyway... I''d just like to say a huge thanks to everyone who has supported this story and/or continue to support it, because when I started writing Madman, I legit had no idea where it would go or if there''d be more than just one book. I thought it would end up much like my story Toad Town (sorry Fred Fredson, I swear I''m gonna wrap that one up for you eventually!) and be something most people wouldn''t enjoy. And now it''s at fucking 5600 followers! That''s insanity. And it''s all thanks to you guys! I really hope the release goes well, because having been able to make a living off my writing has genuinely improved my life for the better and finding success on amazon will enable me to keep going instead of being forced to relegate writing to just a hobby. I love telling stories and really enjoy the back-and-forth I''m able to have with everyone on RR. It''s really something special. Regardless of whether Madman finds an audience on amazon or not, I won''t stop putting my stories on this site, I promise you that. Whether or not you end up purchasing a copy, audiobook, or reading through KU: Thank you so much. Chapter 3 ¡°This is your apartment?¡± Bee asked. ¡°What¡¯s with the attitude?¡± I replied. ¡°You live in a mansion or something?¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably the meth-lab vibes it¡¯s giving off,¡± Panda remarked. We stood out in front of the old four-story apartment block that I¡¯d called home before my eviction. It had an ugly off-white fa?ade of wooden boards and a red-brick foundation. The narrow windows were dirty and pee-colored stains ran down the walls below the air-conditioning units that sprouted the bottom of windows here-and-there. Most of the blinds were shut and the power was clearly off. Still, the warm glow of candlelight was visible through two of the shuttered windows. The block was placed in a strange spot, since all the other houses around it were all designed for one family and cost three-to-four times as much per month to live in. Not to mention, they were all two- or three-stories tall as well, with nice yards, garages, and colorful stainless exteriors. Perhaps the apartments strange spot was what had made it feel special. Like an island for poor bastards like me to live in, while being surrounded by those who could afford to look down on me. I looked up to the top floor apartment on the corner. ¡°They took down the newspapers I covered the windows with,¡± I complained. ¡°Big surprise,¡± Panda replied. ¡°This apartment is kind of infamous,¡± Bee said. ¡°There¡¯s been like two murders here in the last four years.¡± ¡°Must¡¯ve been after your time,¡± Panda said. ¡°I don¡¯t remember,¡± I replied. I looked around at the narrow grass lawn that surrounded the entrance. There was no sign of Kevin anywhere. Although there was a chance he was waiting for me inside. ¡°Let¡¯s go see if my stuff is still here,¡± I told Bee. She gave me a look, but didn¡¯t say anything, dutifully following me as I walked through the rusty fence gate and went up to the front door. I grabbed the handle and twisted it, but it was locked. I yanked on it a bit harder, and the entire handle came off. ¡°Woops.¡± With a small punch against the lock, I created a hole in the door and frame, destroying the mechanism and opening the door. ¡°How¡¯d you do that?¡± Bee asked, surprised. ¡°Is your balloon glove magical?¡± ¡°He is,¡± I replied. ¡°He?¡± ¡°His name is Brock. He¡¯s Australian¡­ I think.¡± ¡°Does he talk?¡± ¡°Usually, but not at the moment. He¡¯ll start talking when the Great Game begins tomorrow¡­ I think.¡± I tapped the quartz box in my front pocket. ¡°This is a transport cage holding my familiar Lordie.¡± ¡°Does he also talk?¡± ¡°Kind of,¡± I said. ¡°Although, most people can¡¯t understand him. Also, he sounds like Morgan Freeman.¡± ¡°What kind of familiar is he?¡± she asked as we walked through the lobby hallway to the staircase leading up. ¡°He¡¯s a hand-spider thing. He¡¯s got seven fingers and a mouth in his palm. His favorite food is Twizzlers.¡± ¡°Cool. Do I also have to wait until tomorrow to meet him?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± We reached the second floor and Bee¡¯s shoes made a little bit of noise as they scraped along the floor. The noise caused hushed voices to flare up from behind a nearby door and I was pretty sure I heard the sound of a crossbow being loaded. No doubt the people who¡¯d survived here in the last six days had learnt to fend off intruders. Instead of sticking around, we hurried up to the third floor where the smell of weed was pungent in the air, along with the stench of fermenting garbage. ¡°Bob¡¯s still here,¡± I realized. ¡°That guy has lived here for at least 10 years, and I haven¡¯t ever seen him face-to-face. We used to sometimes talk through the door though.¡± ¡°No one here seems to have fortified their homes,¡± Bee said. ¡°A lot of our neighbors did that. My parents too. But it didn¡¯t really help them when Milton¡¯s gang came through¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask,¡± I started as we went up to the fourth floor. ¡°Why were you trying to kill him in the bathroom? It sounded like he was already fighting for his life before you pulled your improvised shiv on him.¡± ¡°He was in the bathroom because of me,¡± she said. ¡°I mixed laxatives and detergent into his beer. I was about to sneak into the bathroom when no one was looking and¡­ well, anyway, then you stormed into the hideout and killed everybody. I¡¯d been pretending to be their friend for a couple days in order to get close enough to him.¡± ¡°Damn,¡± I muttered. ¡°I know, revenge isn¡¯t good.¡± ¡°What? No, no, that¡¯s not what I meant. I was just surprised at how well you planned it all out.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t encourage her,¡± Panda scolded me from where he was sitting on Bee¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You know very well that revenge is bad.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t know what he¡¯s talking about,¡± I told Bee. ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Oh right, you still can¡¯t hear Panda.¡± ¡°What¡¯s he saying?¡± she asked. ¡°Oh, nothing useful. Just stupid stuff about how revenge is bad.¡± ¡°Oy!¡± Panda complained. ¡°Personally, I think revenge is great!¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m really looking forward to killing the Mayor and Chief of Police again later today.¡± Bee nodded. ¡°I¡¯m glad Milton¡¯s dead.¡± Panda sighed. ¡°You had the chance to steer her away from the morally-evil path and you already blew it¡­¡± We came to a stop in front of my apartment. ¡°The door looks different,¡± I commented. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°That¡¯s because you destroyed the last one,¡± Panda said. ¡°¡®Rodriguez¡¯,¡± Bee read out loud, looking at the name on the door. ¡°Is that your surname?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not Mexican!¡± I exclaimed. She took a step back in surprise at my outburst. ¡°I didn¡¯t say you were¡­¡± I sighed. ¡°Sorry Bee, it¡¯s a sore spot for me. Also no, it¡¯s not my last name.¡± Feet pounded on the floor inside the apartment as someone ran to the door. The lock was turned and the door flung open. ¡°Lucas!?¡± shouted a disheveled-looking woman in her mid-thirties. She paused when she saw me standing there. Then she suddenly realized that we might not be here for a friendly visit and immediately slammed the door shut. However, I was quick enough to jam Brock in-between the doorframe and the door, stopping her from closing it. ¡°I don¡¯t have any money!¡± she screamed, while yanking on the door with all her weight. I didn¡¯t even feel it crushing my hand thanks to the balloon glove. ¡°We¡¯re not here to rob you,¡± I told her. ¡°I¡¯m just looking for Kevin.¡± She stopped pulling, and her head appeared in the crack of the door for a moment to ask, ¡°Did they take your child as well?¡± ¡°They did. Damn Skinstealers.¡± ¡°Skinstealers?¡± she asked. Panda sighed loudly. ¡°What¡¯s a Skinstealer?¡± Bee asked as well. At her voice, the woman turn her attention to the teen. ¡°You¡¯re the first kid I¡¯ve seen since Lucas disappeared along with his friends.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a kid, I¡¯m sixteen.¡± ¡°Did your friends also disappear?¡± she asked. ¡°They did.¡± ¡°Do you want to come in? I¡¯ve got some food and clean water I can share.¡± Bee shook her head. ¡°We¡¯re just here to look for Gambit¡¯s friend.¡± ¡°He was more than a friend,¡± I said. ¡°He was family.¡± ¡°Seriously Gambit, knock this shit off. Your goddamn toad isn¡¯t here!¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know that,¡± I told him. ¡°And he¡¯s a frog not a toad.¡± I turned back to the woman and asked, ¡°Have you seen a bullfrog with a collar that has the name ¡®Kevin¡¯ on it? I used to live in your apartment, so I thought he might¡¯ve come back here to find me.¡± ¡°You put a collar on a frog?¡± Bee asked, sounding impressed. ¡°I thought you said it was your child,¡± the woman replied. ¡°But no¡­ I haven¡¯t seen any frogs around here. Or dogs or cats. It¡¯s like all the animals disappeared too¡­¡± I sighed deeply. ¡°Damn, I was really hoping I¡¯d find him here.¡± ¡°He might¡¯ve gone to a pond or a lake,¡± Bee said, trying to cheer me up. ¡°You¡¯re right, I shouldn¡¯t give up hope.¡± ¡°Gambit, for fuck¡¯s sake, forget the damn toad! You¡¯ve gotta get going and find our friends before the Great Game starts, remember?¡± I ignored him and looked at Rodriguez. ¡°I¡¯ll save your son soon, don¡¯t you worry. The ants kidnapped them all, but I¡¯ll free them.¡± Although she was probably wondering what I meant by ants, she clearly believed in the conviction of my voice, since she didn¡¯t say anything and just nodded. ¡°Also, try to get some weapons for tomorrow,¡± I advised. ¡°What¡¯s happening tomorrow?¡± ¡°The Great Game begins.¡±
We walked north towards downtown, traversing the piled-up cars on the roads, while keeping an eye out for ambushes. According to Rodriguez, the big roads and even some smaller streets, were all controlled by gangs demanding ¡®tolls¡¯ from anyone wanting to pass. Through either good timing or luck, we managed to make it quite far before we encountered our first such ambush. We¡¯d made it to an overpass that crossed the highway from Madeville. There were off-and-on-ramps on either side, but these were totally clogged with cars. The cars abandoned along the overpass were pushed aside and created a straight path across, unlike the highway below which was a total disorganized mess that would be much harder to cross. ¡°I wonder if one of the busses did this,¡± Panda said. ¡°They seem pretty sturdy. Unnaturally-so.¡± Before I could respond, two figures jumped down from between the piled-up cars and blocked the way in front of us, with two more appearing behind us, sealing us in. Lastly, three guys climbed up the ¡®walls¡¯ made by the cars and looked down at us. They were all dressed like leather-loving wannabe bikers, with bald heads, fat-rolls in the back of their necks, and belts with elaborate and polished steel buckles. They wielded baseball bats and knives and were doing that ¡®we¡¯re the bad guys¡¯ laugh as they closed in on us. ¡°Well, well, well,¡± said one of them standing above. He had a tattoo of a lipstick kiss on his forehead which was very distracting. ¡°Look who walked into our turf. Hope you weren¡¯t planning on crossing our bridge without paying.¡± Bee hugged the katana she¡¯d looted from the PP Gang. ¡°It¡¯s not a bridge,¡± she muttered quietly. ¡°Bet I can guess what your fetish is!¡± I blurted out, pointing at forehead guy. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re a jokester? You¡¯ll find that¡ª¡± ¡°Pup-play!¡± I yelled, interrupting him. They all stopped laughing and looked at each other in embarrassment. ¡°I think you nailed it,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°It¡¯s okay guys, now¡¯s the time to embrace your true selves,¡± I told them. Before any of them could figure out how to respond, I punched the car that forehead guy was standing on. Nothing happened. Not even a sound emerged. I instinctively knew that Damage Delay had triggered, so I immediately ran at the guys in front of us. I leapt at the one on the right and drove my fist into his stomach. Then the car shot into the low concrete wall and went airborne as it flew off the overpass, taking forehead guy with it. I smashed my right elbow into the left guy before he could react, immediately knocking him into one of the abandoned cars. As he fell onto the ground unconsciously, the other one was sent flying as well from my delayed punch. Bee ran up to me, brandishing the katana and looking back at the wannabe bikers. ¡°They¡¯re not worth any experience,¡± I told her. ¡°Let¡¯s just get out of here.¡± She didn¡¯t question my argument and together we ran across the overpass, while the pup-play gang put up a half-hearted attempt to chase after us, severely confused by what they¡¯d just witnessed.
After half an hour, we reached the outskirts of downtown. I¡¯d purposefully gone slow to allow Bee to keep up. Although it would probably have been more efficient if I just put her on my back and ran as fast as I could. ¡°Yeah, don¡¯t do that¡­¡± Panda told me. ¡°She still doesn¡¯t fully trust you yet. Also, she¡¯s got a sword.¡± We¡¯d passed by a restaurant and a small elementary school that both had the lights on, as well as people guarding them from outsiders and gangs. It felt kind of strange seeing so many people out and about, and I had to wonder just how many of them would die as soon as the Great Game began. It seemed like most of the survivors I¡¯d encountered before going back in time had been people who¡¯d either been lucky or hadn¡¯t been inside a public facility when they were all turned to dungeons. ¡°You know, it¡¯s quite an insidious trap,¡± I said. ¡°What is?¡± Bee asked, as she looked through a duffle bag on the back seat of a car that hadn¡¯t yet been broken into. ¡°The Great Game. They turn the places with lights on into dungeons, which means all the people inside those buildings become monsters. The same thing happens with the busses, trains, and other public transportation.¡± ¡°Even planes?¡± Bee asked, pulling her head out of the car and holding a jar of pickles. ¡°Planes?¡± I repeated. ¡°Yeah, I saw a plane two days ago. It flew very low over the city.¡± ¡°Gambit, I don¡¯t want to alarm you,¡± Panda started, ¡°but a plane monster is absolutely going to destroy Castleburg¡­¡± ¡°I wonder if anyone was on it,¡± I said. ¡°But anyway, I don¡¯t know about plane monsters. I haven¡¯t encountered one of those. However, the metro to Madeville turned into a giant serpent thing with arms that spoke Japanese. It was called something weird, like Chichi Chika.¡± ¡°Hitokui Chika,¡± Panda corrected me. ¡°Oh right, ¡®Hitokui Chika¡¯,¡± I repeated. ¡°¡®Underground man-eater¡¯?¡± Bee said. ¡°That¡¯s a gruesome name. But why Japanese?¡± ¡°Apparently the metro was made by a Japanese company,¡± I said with a shrug. ¡°You were always translating the creepy things it said. Stuff like ¡®Stop running and get in my belly¡¯.¡± ¡°Maybe you really are from the future,¡± Bee said. ¡°Only my friends know I speak Japanese.¡± I put Brock¡¯s purple thumb against my chest and said, ¡°I¡¯m the real deal.¡± ¡°So, who are we looking for in downtown?¡± ¡°Samantha. She should be working in one of those ugly office towers. She¡¯s a total asshole though.¡± ¡°Then why are you trying to find her?¡± ¡°She got killed in the future, so I¡¯m trying to fix that. She¡¯s one of those disgusting ¡®Greater Good¡¯ types, but she was at least trying to help people a little, which is more than most were doing.¡± ¡°What about me? Do I also die in the future? Is that why you¡¯ve come back, to save people who died?¡± ¡°It¡¯s kind of a long story to be honest. It¡¯ll make more sense once you can see Panda, since he¡¯ll be able to explain it better than me.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be able to see him?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not gonna tell her about the insanity thing?¡± Panda asked, his tone suspicious. ¡°Wait, are you going to make her inspect me with the looking glass again!?¡± I ignored him, while trying to look around for an office building that looked like it might still have power on. After all, if Samantha was still working despite the apocalypse, I figured she¡¯d have chosen a building where the lights were on. ¡°Oy!¡± Panda yelled, trying to get me to acknowledge him. I power-walked away from Bee whose shoulder he was sitting on, while he kept yelling at me to look at him. I rounded a corner and bumped right into a short woman with glasses and a clipboard. She wore a brown business suit and skirt, and strapped around her left leg was a machete. ¡°Didn¡¯t see you there,¡± I said, helping her back up. Her eyes were wide as she took in my appearance, and I was worried she¡¯d pull her weapon on me. ¡°What are you doing, Camilla!¡± came the sound of a familiar voice. Then loud clicking of heels approached as a woman with a blonde perm, a blue suit, and a pen behind her right ear walked up to us. At the same time Bee caught up to me as well, bringing Panda with her. He immediately stopped his complaining when he saw the woman. ¡°Well, that was easy,¡± he deadpanned. ¡°Samantha!¡± I shouted excitedly. Chapter 4 ¡°What are you doing here?¡± Samantha asked. ¡°I thought the asylum still had power.¡± She definitely remembered me, which I thought was impressive considering everything going on. ¡°You must¡¯ve left quite an impression last she saw you,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you hiding?¡± Bee asked her. ¡°Hiding?¡± she replied, the word dripping with venom. ¡°My duties are too important for me to hide like everyone else. If not for me, then how would thousands of sheltered families get food?¡± Her assistant, Camilla, nodded eagerly. Bee gave me a look like ¡®Are you hearing this shit?¡¯ and I just shook my head. ¡°You and your Greater Good schtick¡­¡± I said. ¡°When are you going to knock that shit off?¡± ¡°Samantha is saving lives!¡± Camilla exclaimed. Her brown hair looked washed and brushed, as though she¡¯d just come from the salon. Her face was spotless and moisturized. There was no sense of malnutrition about her nor Samantha. They clearly weren¡¯t living in squalor like everyone else we¡¯d encountered so far. ¡°I guess your hotel still has power and running water, huh?¡± I scolded her. ¡°Must be tough.¡± Camilla looked away, but Samantha met my gaze. ¡°We can¡¯t help the city if we are also suffering,¡± she said with no trace of irony. Panda put his arm on my head, trying to stop me from punching the woman¡¯s head into the pavement. ¡°If you want to help the city, come with me to the mall. The Chief of Police should be there.¡± ¡°Liam?¡± Samantha asked, momentarily wrong-footed. ¡°I thought that dumbass was helping keep order in the streets¡­¡± ¡°His absence would explain the rise in violence lately,¡± Camilla said, writing something down on her clipboard. Samantha sighed. ¡°It¡¯s been a real pain finding out what¡¯s going on without cellphones.¡± Before I could lambast them for their total lack of oversight for the city they pretended to be ¡®helping¡¯, the sound of footsteps came from behind me. ¡°Thought I heard your beautiful voice, Samantha!¡± exclaimed a man with a nasally tone. I turned around and saw a group of seven men in tattered clothes. All of them were holding metal pipes and the leader had a yellow hard hat on his head. They looked like people who¡¯d survived an apocalypse, which created quite the contrast to Ms. Greater Good and her bootlicker. ¡°Pieter, I¡¯ve already told you that there are no more rations for your group,¡± Samantha said impatiently. Hard hat guy, aka Pieter, smacked his left palm with his pipe. ¡°Me and the boys are hungry, Samantha. We want more than just your measly rations.¡± ¡°One more day of canned corn and I¡¯ll kill myself,¡± said a different guy, clearly not bluffing. Others voiced their assent. Then someone said, ¡°And the nights are so cold. We need something to warm us up.¡± This elicited laughter from the group. Some of them were looking at Bee with their lascivious stares. ¡°We¡¯re not asking unreasonable things, Samantha,¡± said Pieter. I pointed at him with Brock. ¡°You¡¯re interrupting something here. Fuck off or I¡¯ll drive you into the ground like a tent peg.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a fight you want, balloon boy?¡± he replied. Bee pulled out the katana and Camilla drew her machete from where it was strapped to her leg. Samantha also pulled an expandable baton from the waist of her pants and unfolded it. Pieter¡¯s group readied their pipes and spread out a little. ¡°It¡¯s seven on four, if you haven¡¯t noticed,¡± he said with a confident grin. ¡°And you¡¯ve got three women on your team.¡± More laughter from his men. ¡°Bee, step back a little,¡± I said. Panda hopped to her shoulder as I strode towards Pieter who stood at the front of the group. ¡°What are you gonna do? Punch me?¡± he asked me, in a smug tone of voice, as if daring me to try. I grinned, which made him pause for a second. I grabbed his throat and right leg, spun his body 180 degrees and smashed him down into the pavement with enough force to actually drive him into the stone. Thanks to the hard hat, he survived his head being buried. He struggled as I let go of him and his men all panicked. ¡°Told you I¡¯d do it,¡± I said. Then I punched him in the stomach. Nothing happened for a couple seconds, but, when his underlings finally gathered the resolve to attack, his whole body flew forward like a human-sized bowling ball, striking three men in its path with a loud crunch. Pieter¡¯s head was stuck in the ground with the hard hat where I¡¯d left it and the three that I¡¯d hit with his body died on impact. The rest of them immediately fled the scene. A small squeak came from the gauntlet. It sounded happy. ¡°Brock!?¡± I exclaimed, looking down at the balloon glove. ¡°Can you hear me!?¡± No follow-up squeak came in response. ¡°Damn¡­¡± I turned around to find that Camilla was standing in front of Samantha with the machete aimed at me, clearly protecting her boss. ¡°Don¡¯t come any closer!¡± she shouted. Bee stood between us, but I was glad to see that her weapon wasn¡¯t aimed at me but instead at the two women. ¡°I just saved your life,¡± I told them. Samantha pushed Camilla aside. ¡°How did you just do that?¡± she asked. ¡°We should get out of here,¡± her assistant insisted. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°Be quiet, Camilla.¡± I puffed my chest up and said, ¡°I¡¯m from the future, that¡¯s how.¡± I saw as Samantha fought against the urge to call me a lunatic. She took a deep breath and instead asked, ¡°If that¡¯s true, then why do you need my help?¡± ¡°Samantha, you can¡¯t be serious, he¡¯s clearly¡ª¡± ¡°Camilla¡­ Don¡¯t make me ask twice,¡± she threatened. The assistant lowered her head. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Tomorrow the Great Game will begin, and you¡¯ll get a Class called Protagonist,¡± I told her. She blinked and seemed to regret having asked. I continued. ¡°You¡¯ll fight to save people, although you¡¯ll also kill those who stand in your way. You end up building a Safe Zone in the Serenity Park Mall, but Liam kills you because he¡¯s hiding in the cavern underneath.¡± ¡°That fat fuck kills me??¡± she asked, clearly offended that such a thing was even possible. ¡°What about me?¡± Camilla asked. I shrugged. ¡°You probably die early on I¡¯m guessing. Everyone who is inside the buildings with power end up turned into monsters when the Game begins, your office included. Apparently, your janitor turns into a Calamity Demon.¡± ¡°Not Carlos,¡± Camilla said in horror. Samantha shook her head at the assistant¡¯s reaction, then looked at me seriously. ¡°I mean, coming from you, it¡¯s unlikely to be even remotely true, any of this. But¡­ let¡¯s say I believe you for a second, which I definitely don¡¯t, how can you prove you¡¯re actually from the future?¡± I blinked. I genuinely hadn¡¯t assumed this to work and fully expected to have to carry her over my shoulder as I went to the mall. ¡°It must be the outfit,¡± Panda said. ¡°You look absurd enough that people think you¡¯ve gotta be from the future. Although it probably also helps that you just decapitated a guy by burying his head in the ground and punching him.¡± ¡°He knew a lot about me that I haven¡¯t told anyone except for my closest friends,¡± Bee said, backing up my claim. Samantha looked at her. ¡°Well, you could be lying, I don¡¯t know you. Also, aren¡¯t you like fourteen years old? I thought all kids had disappeared.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sixteen!¡± she protested. Camilla made a note on her clipboard. ¡°Tell her about the Christmas party thing she wanted to get back at the Mayor for,¡± Panda suggested. I nodded. ¡°You told me that you never got the bonus you were promised and that you wanted to, and I quote, ¡®kick the Mayor in the dick for what he did at last year¡¯s Christmas party¡¯,¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s not exactly a secret,¡± she replied. Camilla nodded. ¡°Okay, what about this? Remember the description of the Birthday Gift ability?¡± Panda asked. I didn¡¯t. He seemed to realize that, since he explained, ¡°It said, ¡®Do you remember the sadness of wishing for a gift on your birthday, only for Aunt Samantha to give you something crappy, like an off-brand action figure?¡¯¡± I had no idea how the hell he remembered something like that, but I rolled with it. ¡°For your nephew¡¯s birthday, you gave him an off-brand action figure and he was very upset about it,¡± I said. Samantha blinked in surprise. ¡°How the fuck do you know that?¡± ¡°He cried for three hours,¡± Camilla said. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen a boy that upset about a present before.¡± ¡°Have you been stalking me?¡± Samantha then accused. ¡°I have better things to do,¡± I told her. ¡°The only thing remotely close to that was that I sent dog poop to your office every week after you evicted me.¡± ¡°That was you!?¡± Camilla exclaimed, clearly furious about it. Samantha had to hold her back from jumping at me with her machete. As her assistant, Camilla had probably been the one to open all the mail sent to her. ¡°I once sent a box full of spiders to one of my teachers,¡± Bee said. Everyone paused to look at her. ¡°He gave me an F in math,¡± she explained. Samantha flicked her gaze between Bee and I. ¡°Is she your kid or something?¡± she asked. ¡°No. And before you ask, no, there¡¯s nothing weird going on. She¡¯s just my friend,¡± I said. ¡°Aren¡¯t you almost thirty?¡± Samantha asked, clearly not buying my explanation. ¡°That kind of friendship is very inappropriate.¡± ¡°He saved me from the PP Gang,¡± Bee said, defending me. ¡°That¡¯s the one run by Milton,¡± Camilla reminded her boss. Samantha nodded. ¡°Good riddance. They¡¯re responsible for hoarding food and killing two elderly people.¡± ¡°They killed my parents as well,¡± Bee said, getting choked up about it. ¡°I¡¯ve been trying to put a stop to all that,¡± Samantha replied. ¡°But it¡¯s clear that the police haven¡¯t been doing the job I¡¯ve tasked them with. If it¡¯s true that Liam has set himself up in the mall, then we should pay him a visit.¡± I grinned. ¡°Then let¡¯s go.¡± ¡°We only have two pairs of rollerblades,¡± Camilla said, bringing them out from seemingly nowhere. ¡°That¡¯s okay,¡± I told her. ¡°Bee and I will run.¡±
Bee screamed excitedly as I thundered down the road to Serenity Park Mall with her on my back. Samantha and Camilla did their best to keep up, but even with their rollerblades they were a lot slower than me. ¡°This is the best day ever!¡± Bee shouted. ¡°That¡¯s worrying,¡± Panda muttered. ¡°You¡¯ve killed like 20 people or so, and she doesn¡¯t even seem phased. Hell, even Samantha and Camilla didn¡¯t blink at you killing that Pieter guy and his friends.¡± I ignored him and kept going. After about 30 minutes, we arrived in front of the entrance to Serenity Park. We hadn¡¯t encountered ambushes or gangs on the way here, since we¡¯d followed one of the less congested roads and steered clear of the buildings with power. Samantha and Camilla arrived a couple of minutes after us, both severely out of breath. ¡°How the hell do you run that fast?¡± Samantha asked, her hands on her legs to steady herself. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen anyone jump that high before,¡± Camilla added. Before I could reply, a guy came out of the park, drawn by their voices. He had a loaded crossbow in his arms and wore a bullet-proof vest. ¡°Paul?¡± Samantha asked. He looked at her and Camilla, then Bee and me. ¡°Samantha? What are you doing here?¡± he asked. ¡°Take me to Liam,¡± she demanded. ¡°He¡¯s busy,¡± he replied, focusing on me and clearly intimidated by my outfit. His answer confirmed that Liam was indeed in the mall somewhere. ¡°He¡¯s one of the henchmen you killed!¡± Panda realized. ¡°He¡¯s the one that loved licking stamps!¡± Samantha pushed past me and got up in Paul¡¯s face, yanking the crossbow out of his hands with ease. ¡°Do you know how long your mother has been looking for you!?¡± ¡°But I¡ª¡± he started to protest. ¡°No buts, Paul!¡± Samantha interrupted him. ¡°Go back home!¡± He lowered his head. ¡°Yes, ma¡¯am.¡± ¡°What a pushover,¡± Panda remarked. ¡°Though I guess that¡¯s how he ended up as Liam¡¯s henchman.¡± We followed after Samantha as she moved into the park. There were a lot of people gathered around the ponds, lounging on the grass and using grills to prepare dinner. As soon as the Game began, they¡¯d all have a pretty serious swan problem. ¡°None of these guys were amongst Liam¡¯s henchmen,¡± Panda said as he scanned the crowds. They hardly paid attention to us as we moved through their midst. ¡°Oh wait, no, that guy with the baseball cap doing a handstand was one of them. Mike, I think he was called. He liked licking Hot Wheels.¡± ¡°How can you remember all that?¡± I asked him. Camilla looked back at me, and Bee gave me a side-eye. Panda tapped his head. ¡°I¡¯m very smart.¡± I knew there had to be more to it than that. I¡¯d yet to confront him about the whole being a Benefactor and having the ability to send us back in time, but I wanted to wait until Bee regained her memories. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t think that¡¯ll happen,¡± Panda commented pessimistically. ¡°The Bee next to you is a different version from the one we knew. We¡¯ll probably have to pay a visit to the All-Mother to get our Bee back.¡± I stopped walking and the others continued on without me. ¡°Are you saying we have to trade New Bee for Old Bee!?¡± I hissed in outrage. ¡°Let¡¯s hope not. Perhaps we can just merge them together or something.¡± ¡°Damn, I was really hoping we could keep both,¡± I said. My balloon gauntlet squeaked as though agreeing with me. Panda looked down at Brock. ¡°He¡¯s really not supposed to be able to do that¡­ Also, no, we can¡¯t have two Bees at the same time, that would cause a paradox.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll find a way to make it work,¡± I told him, then jogged to catch up to the others. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Bee asked as I rejoined them. ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I replied. We exited the park and reached the revolving doors to the mall. As we went through them, people were coming out at the same time. The atmosphere here was weird. No one seemed to be struggling like we¡¯d seen elsewhere. ¡°Why didn¡¯t I know about this place?¡± Samantha asked suspiciously. ¡°I would¡¯ve sent other people here if I¡¯d have known it was safe.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not as safe as you think,¡± I said as we left the revolving doors. ¡°Tomorrow there¡¯ll be monsters everywhere.¡± ¡°So you say,¡± she replied. Samantha stopped the next person about to leave through the doors and asked, ¡°Where¡¯s Liam Johnson.¡± ¡°In the arcade,¡± he replied, while staring at me the whole time. ¡°It¡¯s on the second floor,¡± Camilla informed Samantha. We took the escalator up and I felt an overwhelming sense of d¨¦j¨¤ vu. Last time we¡¯d been here, it had been Samantha, Bee, and I hurrying to set up the Safe Zone Sphere. We¡¯d fought for our lives to turn the mall into a safe place. I frowned at the memory. Liam Johnson had a lot to pay for. ¡°He technically hasn¡¯t done anything yet,¡± Panda said. ¡°I doubt that,¡± I muttered. ¡°Liam is the Police Chief guy you wanted to kill, right?¡± Bee asked in a whisper. ¡°Yeah. He framed me for killing a dog, so he has to die,¡± I replied, also in a whisper. ¡°He also kills like hundreds of people with his actions,¡± Panda pointed out. The two businesswomen had already gotten off on the second floor and were marching right for the arcade. Camilla had her hand on the handle of the machete strapped to her leg, and Samantha carried the crossbow she¡¯d taken from Paul. Bee still had her katana as well, but it hung from her waist in its bloodied scabbard, and she seemed reluctant to use it. ¡°Bet you this slimy fucker is surrounded by women and drugs,¡± I predicted. ¡°That¡¯s how I found him last time before I killed him. In the future, I mean.¡±