《Thundercloud Rainstorm》


 Chapter 1

    I could hear the clouds rolling in. It looks like it¡¯s going to rain soon. A soft voice fell into my ear as if to catch my attention¡ªafraid to avert the gaze to far, such a gloomy sky.


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯ll contact you.¡± A poorly cracked and locked voice.


    ¡°okay.¡± As I responded politely, I looked back at my cousin in front of me. The boy¡¯s expression was a bit surprising. Look like he was about to cry, but his expression was quite calm.


    After all, what I witness more often is fatigue rather than sadness at funerals.


    Besides, my uncle died two days ago, but it was already half a year ago that he was unconscious, and it was nine years ago that he collapsed and was bedridden for the first time.


    Perhaps there was enough time to prepare and wait for the death. The last time he handed a handshake that served as comfort, moist moisture adhered to the palm of his hand.


    It was a slender and soft hand for one hand that took care of a dying person for nine years. ¡°It looks like it will rain.¡± As I said, this time Il-Jo looked up at the sky. I thought that the reason his palms felt so soft might be because of the humidity.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Do you have an umbrella?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯ll just get going.¡± Il-jo laughed at my words, which were not even a joke. I don¡¯t know why he¡¯s smiling, I stare at that face. Only then did the boy¡¯s eyelashes, which had been clumped with tears, barely caught my eyes.


    Even after hearing my complaint that it was okay because I have a car, Il-jo went downstairs to the funeral home and borrowed an umbrella.


    It was a black umbrella with the label of the funeral service company printed on it. I refused a couple of times, but Il-Jo grabbed my hand and held out that umbrella to me.


    Forcing something like that to a guy was already a bother, so I just accepted it. I waved the umbrella in my hand and said goodbye.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯ll be going.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll contact you.¡±


    This was the second time he said that.


    ¡®What do we do when we meet again?¡¯


    The question came first. But there was nothing to argue in front of a serious person, so I just nodded. I thought as I got into the car. I met him privately 15 years ago, when I was in middle school.


    Even if we didn¡¯t see each other again for the next 15 years, it wasn¡¯t too bad. Such is the case with unrelated relatives.


    Again the sky cried low. Il-Jo stood under the eaves and watched me silently until I made my way through the narrow parking lot.


    A small face flashed past the side mirror. The umbrella of the funeral service company that I threw in the passenger seat disappeared one day I can¡¯t even remember. Umbrellas with old-fashioned labels were never lifted by me.


    However, even after the umbrella disappeared, the quiet voice that said ¡®I¡¯ll call you¡¯ and the eyelashes that were clogged with tears sometimes came to mind. why did you call me relatives when we have not interacted with each other for decades. If they meet again, they are most likely to get messy with money.


    After he became an adult, he didn¡¯t go to college and didn¡¯t have a job, and he spent 9 years with his uncle, working his arms and legs. It was probably something he did in anticipation of a misfortune, but I was told that nothing fell on him in the end.


    At the funeral home, I remembered the image of Il-Jo, who was alone like a military army without their family.


    However, most of the acquaintances of the uncle who visited the funeral home of Deokinji, who had been in the hospital for a long time, found Il-Jo first. Without them, he would have been treated worse than the slippers stung at the entrance to the funeral home.


    How can such a guy live? A poor man with no house, no money saved, no proper job. Thinking about it that way, I got a little curious.


    It¡¯s like seeing a homeless person on the street and wondering how they got to that point. Of course this is sympathy¡ªIt¡¯s not just a low curiosity, but¡­and because of this curiosity, I thought that if Il-Jo got to give me a call, I won¡¯t just ignore it and maybe will have a drink or something.


    But after that, there was no contact from Il-Jo.


    A few months later, it was a rainy day that reminded me of him again. Outside the car window, a man was seen walking in the rain without an umbrella. The moment I saw that pitiful figure, I remembered why.


    The white face that looked at me quietly until the end through the side mirror. Why did you say you would contact me? For a while after the man left, I was silently listening to the sound of the early spring rain hitting the car window. Come to think of it, on that day when the sound of clouds was scary, did it rain or not?


    Perhaps we had a relationship that would pass by, as if we had never been in each other¡¯s life. Thinking about it that way, I felt a strange sense of emptiness.


    Actually, there is no need to give any meaning to it. After a while, I came to my senses and started the car slowly. As we go through life, we let it go without knowing which end is the last. For example, I never thought that the holiday nine years ago would be the last day I could hear my uncle¡¯s voice in person.


    If I thought that was the last time, I would express my sincerity, I would tell you about the things that bothered me, and I would not let you go like that¡­ It¡¯s bound to feel like that, but no matter what you regret, it¡¯s all in the past. life is like that You don¡¯t know when you have the chance.


    It was the same with the meeting with Il-jo. It was just one of many farewells that he did not notice beforehand that it was also the last. But, coincidentally, on the day I had such a thought, I got a call from Il-jo.


    ____________________


    ¡°It rains a lot, but on a day like this¡­ sorry.¡± Il-Jo said in an unfamiliar voice. Carefully looking into my eyes, I felt like I was being stabbed by that gaze.


    ¡®Are you really moving on a day like this?¡¯


    Because that¡¯s what I meant as soon as I got out of the car. I lost a word  to say to him.


    ¡°¡­ done. Is that all you have?¡±


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s all.¡±


    It seemed that all they had to move was a black backpack on his back, a yellow box in his arms, and a paper bagbag beside his feet. There was no need to open the trunk. Il-Jo lifted all his luggage at once and climbed into the passenger seat.


    It was obvious as I started the car¡ªI glanced inside the paper bag that Il-Jo was holding in his arms. There were things like wet wipes and nail clippers rolling around. That¡¯s crazy I didn¡¯t say anything, but Il-Jo probably read what I felt through his eyes. The stiffening of the guy¡¯s shoulders looked ridiculously obvious. After all, Il-Jo is not an ignorant guy.


    On the way home, we didn¡¯t say a word. There was a suffocating silence in the car. Of course, I am not uncomfortable with this silence at all. Because it¡¯s the silence I intended. I didn¡¯t even feel the need to play music or be kind to talk to him to release the tension.


    It would be petty of me to vent my anger.


    But then, if I¡¯m mad now¡­ Who the hell am I mad at? Even if I get angry, I have to pay it to myself. Because I was the first to propose to Il-Jo to come into my house. Yes, we decided to live together from today. A week ago, I got a call from Il-Jo and I made an impulsive decision back then.


    Why?


    ¡°¡­ it¡¯s pretty far.¡± Il-jo muttered like a self-talk. Instead of replying to him, I clicked my tongue. Frowning eyes flew straight to the side face. I pointed forward with my chin roughly. ¡°The car is blocked.¡± Even with excuses, Il-Jo¡¯s gaze did not fall easily. He must have been very nervous and confused.


    Not to mention, at a drinking party a week ago, I was quite kind to Iljo. It wasn¡¯t intentional. There is a slight difference in temperature between when I put on external kindness and when I am not. On that day, Il-Jo did not ask for a quick loan, nor did he complain about his uncle¡¯s family.


    Even though our academic backgrounds and other backgrounds were very different, unexpectedly we were able to have a good conversation. I didn¡¯t think it was bad to hear Iljo¡¯s meek voice and low laughter, which doesn¡¯t get louder easily even in a noisy bar. Besides, no matter what topic was brought up, the story was relevant.


    But after thinking about it, Il-jo was just arguing with me. After all, people mistakenly think that it was a good conversation if they said everything they had to say. In any case, what can be done to people outside the boundaries who are not entangled in existing human relationships is sometimes a lot to say.


    Even though I know it¡¯s not that rare, I think I felt that Il-jo was quite special that day. Perhaps it was because I was surprised by his behavior, tone of voice, and the way he communicates, as well as the fact that he contacted me in the first place.


    It rained that night as well, and I said I would drive him home. And we arrived at a commercial building, not a residential area. Il-jo said to me, who looked up at the top of the building for a while without any absurdity. He says he lives here on the 6th floor. It was hard to imagine that the top floor of a commercial building was a residential area. Can I go up too? I¡¯m just curious. Wow¡­ How do people live in a place like this? Are all the rooms next door the same? How much do you pay to stay here?


    It¡¯s not very cheap either. I¡ªdrunk¡ªspit those words out and said it impulsively. ¡®You¡¯d better come to my house.¡¯ I don¡¯t like the film cut. The memory of that day was still vivid. ¡®Are you alone at your house?¡¯ asked in a young voice with a low-light excitement. Sensing that he trembled a little, I nodded generously.


    But the boy quickly shook his head and muttered.


    ¡®But no.¡¯


    ¡®What¡¯s wrong?¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry¡­ .¡¯


    Il-jo rejected my offer over and over again, saying that he could not cause any more trouble. He also said that he wouldn¡¯t feel uncomfortable in a house like this because he had been in the hospital for a long time. The bed is also bigger than a bed of the guardian of the hospital room, and most of all, it¡¯s his own space where doctors and nurses don¡¯t come and go.


    ¡®A space of your own? It¡¯s smaller than our bathroom here? I¡¯d rather live in the bathroom.¡¯ As I let out an open sigh, Il-jo hurriedly led me into his room. I heard a voice resounding when I spoke in the hallway. That was the only reason I continued to panic. When I went inside, I was even more amazed. There were no windows and the only place to sit was a bed.


    ¡®Why do you live here?¡¯


    ¡®I couldn¡¯t get my monthly rent because I didn¡¯t have a deposit.¡¯


    ¡®Do you work?¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m working part-time, but I haven¡¯t been able to gather much yet¡­ .¡¯


    ¡®Then stay at my house until you get some money.¡¯


    Come to think of it, I didn¡¯t tell him to come to my home once or twice. why did I even set that time as the moving date because a week later is the day when the payment period ends.


    However, after a day or two, I completely forgot the human kindness and shallow sympathy I felt for Il-jo that day. Besides, when I think about living together, there were not one or two things that bothered me. I didn¡¯t like having other people¡¯s burdens piled up in my house, and I didn¡¯t like being conscious of someone all the time. The thing that bothered me the most was that it would be impossible to bring the woman I met into my house and have a glass of wine or two. Come to think of it, I couldn¡¯t stand living with someone because I didn¡¯t even like my girlfriend who I had been dating for quite a while staying at my house for more than two days. I forgot that I am a very individualistic person. But I turn my palms over the words I promised with my mouth, I couldn¡¯t change it.


    Lee Il-jo had already rejected my offer several times at that time, and I was the one who persistently persuaded him to come over. Even if I regret it later, it is unavoidable, so I¡¯m trying to get rid of my anger that has lost its direction right now. ¡°Now we are almost there.¡± Il-jo did not respond to my blunt words. Have a quick glance. We climbed into the elevator together. When I pressed the top floor, the door closed. Even in the closed space, he was nervous the whole time and didn¡¯t say a word, but when he opened the front door and entered, he admired a little.


    ¡°Wow¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Why? Do you like it?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ I like it more than I thought.¡±


    At those words, my mind was relieved, and I moved from the corner room where I had originally planned to put the sun down to the second largest room in the house. This was also an impulse.


    As soon as I took a step, I secretly sighed at my stupid impulse, but now it was strange to turn clumsily into the corner of the hallway. I¡¯m going to be ruined by this pride someday.


    ¡°How about this room?¡±


    Opening the door, I leaned against the door so that Il-jo could enter first. But even though I gladly opened the door, he could not cross the threshold recklessly. He seemed to be overly moved by the great gift that was suddenly given to him. It was fun to observe such a guy. To put it more bluntly, I mean that Il-Jo¡¯s reaction moderately filled my bluff.


    ¡°Very good, thank you very much. Really, really¡­ .¡± Il-Jo was almost crying. I buried my face in my arms over the doorway and held back the laughter that was about to burst out.


    ¡°Can I lie in bed?¡± The guy turned his head quickly and asked me, so I immediately wiped out my smile and nodded.


    ¡°of course. It¡¯s your room now.¡±


    ¡°Wow¡­ .¡±


    Il-Jo carefully sat on the bed like a borrowed cat and looked up at me. The boy¡¯s eyes lit up a bit. This room was originally used as a guest room, so it was fully furnished, but Il-Jo seemed to think that it was all consideration that I had prepared in advance to welcome him.


    Hmm¡­ Well, it doesn¡¯t matter if I¡¯m mistaken. Il-Jo¡¯s unpacking was ridiculously quick. All clothes hung on five hangers.


    ¡°What clothes were you wearing back then?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°You have a black suit. It was worn at the funeral.¡±


    ¡°It was borrowed from the funeral service company.¡±


    That already being said, the clothes he borrowed were the most appropriate. Among the clothes that Il-Jo hung, there was not a single piece of clothing that was close to a suit, such as a shirt and slacks.


    After tidying up his belongings, I took Il-Jo who stood idly in the middle of the room, looking at me, and gave him a tour of the house, including the bathroom and kitchen. At first, I certainly didn¡¯t think of this¡­this house is a place where several houses on the top floor have been demolished and remodeled, so the structure is quite unusual. Every time I looked around, Il-Jo faithfully admired and made me felt proud.


    ¡°The house is really nice. Thank you so much.¡±


    ¡°If you are so grateful, please clean it.¡±


    ¡°Oh, is that so? okay. I will work really hard.¡±


    ¡°Are you good at cleaning?¡± When I asked with a smile, Il-Jo laughed along.


    ¡°Do well.¡±


    However, since he has such a naive personality, I think he has lived a good life until now. As soon as he got my permission or an order to say, ¡®You can clean,¡¯ Il-jo carefully started looking around the house. I went around evaluating the dust by swiping my finger over the screen or the top of the bathroom chest of drawers.


    ¡°Just sleep today.¡± As if he had accepted those words as a command, Il-jo quietly turned off the lights and went into the room. And the next day. As soon as I stepped on the front door after work, I became froze and stopped in place.


    Clean. insanely clean¡ªAs I was about to stand dumbfounded at the front door in shock, Il-Jo poked his head out. Without speaking a word, he asked with his eyes, ¡°Already come back?¡±


    I took off my shoes for once with a sense of dread. The whole house was blinding. Originally, I always called helpers to clean up the house, so I never thought that the old place was dirty, but the place that Il-Jo touched was different. The phrase ¡®cleaning well¡¯ was not an empty word. It was only when I stood on the marble floor that was so shiny that it was embarrassing to step on it, and my startled heart calmed down a little.


    ¡°Do you have anything to say?¡± I asked the guy who was still looking at me, trying to hide his shock. Perhaps he was hoping for a compliment, he looked at me for a while, then quietly shook his head and went back to his room. When I came into my bedroom with that guy behind me, I was so startled again that I dropped the suitcase in my hand. It¡¯s like being in a hotel.


    As I walked back and forth in my unfamiliarly neatly organized room, I tried to calm myself down. I hate having someone come into my room, so I told the helper aunt not to touch it too much, but this is a different story. In the end, I decided to acknowledge Il-Jo¡¯s cleaning skills. It is said that even slugs have a knack for rolling.

 Chapter 2

    Il-Jo quickly expanded his territory in my house. One day, he asked if he could wash the laundry in the laundry tub, and not only the laundry but also the clothes in the dressing room were arranged by color and length, and he diligently found out how I had forgotten to dry the clothes I had left in the laundry room.


    The next day he asked if he could throw away the wine bottles that were covered in dust on the balcony. Also, at some point, he asked if he could use the ingredients in the refrigerator, so I secretly expected his cooking skills and told him to use it as much as he want¡­.


    To be honest, I really couldn¡¯t cook. So, after telling him to make only what he want to eat, I ate the food I bought or takeout from outside as usual. After two weeks with Il-Jo, I changed my mind.


    Living with him isn¡¯t as bad as I think. Even so, his presence was so faint that I didn¡¯t even know he was in this house. Before I spoke to him, there was no needless conversation, and he hardly ever left the room except for cleaning. Even though I said that he could watch the TV in the living room. Il-Jo never turned on the TV first. Maybe it¡¯s because of the feeling of debt to live on top of each other.


    He devoted his energy and passion to the chores of the house. And I sometimes pack dinner for two for the guy who can¡¯t afford to eat after work. So, the days of having dinner together at the table together increased more and more. Il-Jo still stays silent if I don¡¯t initiate to talk to him, but it felt pretty good to have someone sitting opposite the table anyway.


    I was adjusting to life with my cohabitation faster than I thought. It was a day like no other on the way home from work.


    ¡°Are there any fish you can¡¯t eat?¡± I called Il-Jo and went into a sushi restaurant I frequent visits. When I got the call, Il-Jo gave the answer I expected.


    ¡°¡ªfish? There¡¯s nothing I can¡¯t eat¡­ why?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll go buy dinner. Don¡¯t cook.¡±


    As soon as I hung up the phone, a thought occurred to me. Actually, it¡¯s not that there no fish that he can¡¯t eat, it¡¯s that he don¡¯t know yet. That¡¯s a reasonable guess. He said he ate the avocado in the roll for the first time recently. As expected, Il-Jo was very pleased with the sushi I had brought.


    The words of exclamation and thanks were more generous than usual. We sat happily facing each other at the table, but, as always, there was no conversation.


    ¡°¡­ ¡­ .¡±


    ¡°¡­ ¡­ .¡± I thought to myself as I chewed and swallowed the sushi. Come to think of it is it my fault , Il-Jo was still reluctant to speak to me first.


    It¡¯s only when he ask for permission to do household chores. But at the drinking party, he was able to communicate quite well¡­ .


    It seems that the problem was that I acted a little cold on the moving day. I don¡¯t know if he think I¡¯m reluctant to talk. In the end, I opened my mouth first.


    ¡°Can I ask you something?¡±


    ¡°¡­?¡± Il-Jo had already eaten half of the sushi. He lifted his head with food in his mouth and his cheeks bulged.


    ¡°Why did you call me that day?¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡±


    ¡°Honestly, I thought you were calling me to borrow money.¡±


    He smiled as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. It¡¯s been pointed out by several people, but I confuse what I really want to say as a joke.


    So it seemed that Il-Jo was also confused.


    Am I joking or not? Il-Jo looked at me for a long time and delayed the answer. Surprisingly, the guy doesn¡¯t avert his gaze. The first thing that naturally turned to me was on my side. It was clearly visible that the neck of the guy was gulping over with a big swipe. After swallowing the food in his mouth, Il-Jo barely opened his mouth. ¡°It¡¯s not about money¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°You gave me your number.¡±


    ¡°am I?¡± I tried to remember. I don¡¯t remember sharing cell phones with each other and taking pictures of each other¡¯s numbers. ¡°Oh, a business card?¡± I was wondering, Instead of answering, he nodded.


    It¡¯s really just giving a card. He¡¯s a guy who hasn¡¯t had a social life, so he¡¯s mistaken like that. When I was in my own confusion, Il-Jo spoke again.


    ¡°I just remembered and called.¡± Like I just gave him a business card, I think Il-Jo just contacted me. I finished the meal vaguely convinced. And as soon as I put my chopsticks down, Il-Jo diligently cleaned up the messy debris on the table.


    I thought it was the end, but this time I went to the sink and started dismantling the gas stove.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to clean this up¡­ .¡±


    I¡¯ve never even thought about it in my life. The gas stove also needs cleaning.


    ¡°Leave it. After all, the helper aunt is coming.¡±


    Il-jo, who was wiping the oil stains on the gas stove, put it down without a word. Then he comes back and sits quietly at the table again. The look in his eyes was asking ¡®why?¡¯ but I didn¡¯t feel like explaining much.


    It¡¯s not that I wanted to have a friendly conversation after dinner, but it¡¯s worse to act as if you¡¯ve done everything after eating. But the flow of conversation had already stopped, and I couldn¡¯t find anything to say.


    I sighed. ¡°Go in.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ .¡±


    This time, in the seat where Il-Jo was sitting, he was dreaming for nothing. I think he had something to say, but that day, Il-Jo ended up not saying anything. And it wasn¡¯t until the next day that I knew what he was trying to say to me. ¡°Hey, the cleaning aunt, how much do you pay?¡± The moment I heard that, I quickly guessed where Il-Jo¡¯s out of context question came from. Could you please ask for that money because you¡¯ve been doing all of the chores? As if reading my inner thoughts from my raised eyebrows, Il-Jo was embarrassed and let out a stuttered excuses. ¡°I can¡¯t even give you a penny¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m not asking for anything. I¡¯m just wondering if I should do it all¡­ .¡± It was about pretending to be a bullshit. Clearly, even now, Il-Jo was providing more labor than just exploiting a modest monthly rent.


    ¡°Are you the type of person who doesn¡¯t like to be in debt?¡± In response to my question, Il-Jo made a face like he did not understand. It was something I hadn¡¯t really thought about.


    ¡°okay. I¡¯ll tell her not to come starting tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Ah really?¡± Perhaps he thought it was an overly quick decision, but Il-Jo was embarrassed even after he had asked for it.


    I told the helper aunt on the phone right away. A person who had worked for three years without any major conflicts suddenly being told to quiting their job. And so far there have been no problems. Maybe we could just keep living like that.


    Il-Jo does more housework than before because of the debt, and every time I get home from work, I pack dinner for two¡­.


    One day, instead of the dining table, we spread dinner on the table in the living room and watch TV together. While working two part-time jobs, Il-Jo swept and cleaned a house that was large enough for a large family to live in every day.


    It must have been very difficult to manage various vases and objects in a glass window where dust could be seen sitting on it even if left alone for a day. Maybe that¡¯s why, at first, every time I leave work, I have to leave my room open.


    The days when the guy who had raised his head and said hello to him and his slept time gradually increased. Then, instead of fell asleep, I pulled out the food waste while pulling out the slippers and separated the garbage.


    Now, on the other hand, I feel a sense of indebtedness. In this way, the sense of debt they had for each other appeared in the form of consideration. We continued to live together, balancing that tight balance. And, maybe, we could have lived a long time with each other taking care of each other like that.


    Later, on the day when Il-Jo saved the money he earned from his part-time job to make a deposit and left this house, he said, ¡®We¡¯ve been doing well.¡¯


    Maybe one last time we had a drink together. Shaking off any conflicts that may have accumulated while living together with a glass of wine. And I¡¯ll probably go to the house where Il-Jo moves.


    He would have taken me to my car. It was a very different feeling from the day when Il-Jo came into my house, waving his hand on the way to parting.


    That would have changed the way I thought about a human named Lee Il-jo. I could have stayed with a passing life like that. But the reason I couldn¡¯t do that was because of Lee Il-joo himself.


    ¡°¡­ what are you doing just now?¡± When I opened my eyes to the lukewarm and soft touch on my lips, he were looking at me with a shocked face from an overly close distance. The fluttering eyes confessed was obvious. He didn¡¯t even try to lie, and was caught secretly kissing me while I was asleep.

 Chapter 3

    I was the one who suffered, but it looked as if Il-Jo the one who had been hit by me.


    ¡°What?¡± A cold voice came out, even though it was not made up. As he slowly raised his upper body, Il-Jo hurriedly bit his lips. As if I was going to beat him right now.


    ¡°what¡¯s your excuse.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    It feels bad to kept silent, knowing how I feel. When I move my stiff neck with a motion, I instantly felt dizzy. It was only then that I remembered what had happened before. I drank a bottle of alcohol when I have dinner and slept leaning on the sofa from the drowsy drunkenness that was pouring in me.


    ¡°water.¡± At my words, Il-Jo ran to the back and fetched a glass of water. The fingers of the guy who rubbed the glass as he took it were trembling.


    ¡°Not this, but cold water.¡± Enduring the throbbing in my temples, he held out the cup again. It was pretty good when I drank it¡­ It wasn¡¯t a good drink after all. Il-Jo ran again and filled the cup with cold water.


    ¡°What time is it now?¡±


    ¡°¡­ eleven o¡¯clock.¡± Il-Jo answered in a tight voice. At the same time, a breeze laugh escaped my mouth.


    ¡°You answer well.¡±


    ¡°uh?¡±


    ¡°While you can answering this, why didn¡¯t you answer what I asked you earlier?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to hear an apology.¡±


    Il-Jo shut his mouth again. The face that didn¡¯t know how to behave properly just looked really foolish.


    ¡°Can¡¯t you answer me?¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Why are you doing something you can¡¯t even answer?¡± I asked angrily and placed the empty cup on the table. Then Il-Jo looked at the cup and me alternately. He seemed to be contemplating whether or not to bring more water. I didn¡¯t like the hesitancy I could see. I said with a chuckle, ¡°You don¡¯t seem very sorry.¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m sorry. I really am so sorry, I just  don¡¯t know how to apologize.¡±


    If you¡¯re really sorry, shouldn¡¯t you get down on your knees and beg? I stared at the guy. Il-Jo stood farther away than before. It just seemed like he wanted to protect himself from me. That¡¯s look really funny ¡­ anyone who sees it will suspect that I am the culprit.


    ¡°What have you done to my drink?¡± When asked sarcastically, Il-Jo raised his head, which had been bowed down. Both eyes were filled with regret.


    ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t.¡± Il-Jo replied with difficulty. It was a voice like a strangled person. It was easy to see that my question had hurt him. I got up without a word and went into the bedroom. When passing him, he deliberately did not hide his sigh. It wasn¡¯t me who usually closed the door¡ªbut Il-Jo, but this time I also closed the door.


    The door closed louder than expected.


    But Il-Jo need to know what he did. It may have sounded like I¡¯m really mad. I know he didn¡¯t do anything with alcohol. I got the cap off the bottle that had been sealed in the gift wrap. Il-Jo drank only one drink that I had poured, and said he did not know the taste and put it down. The reason I was drunk was that I almost emptied the rest of the bottle by myself. Knowing that, I put all the charges on him. I wonder if a guy who dares to secretly kiss while he¡¯s asleep can¡¯t do anything worse than that. By the way, since when? I felt bad.


    He should thank to me, you are living with me¡­ . He had such a thick face, so he could have stayed next to his uncle. Suddenly, I was blaming him for even living in my house. Of course, I myself was not unaware of the contradiction of this logic. What used to be a frivolous anger for a moment has now become a legitimate anger affair with that one thief¡¯s kiss. I was more distracted than usual, but I fell asleep quickly. Even while waking up the next day, washing up and getting ready for work, I completely forgot what had happened last night. Oh yeah. Yesterday Lee Il-jo kissed me. Before leaving the house, I barely remembered that fact when I saw the door that was still closed. If it weren¡¯t for that, we probably wouldn¡¯t have much of a conflict.


    We could have lived without it. Thinking that two people with completely different circumstances can get along this well, I would have been able to overcome one of my prejudices.


    In fact, it is not easy to break free from the prejudices that you have created yourself when you reach your 30s. Living with Il-Jo was such an impressive experience for me. Having brushed off my prejudices like that, I would also have contributed to an example where people should not be judged solely on their educational background or occupation. But such a future is now completely impossible. It was then that the balance between the two of us was disturbed. And it was all Lee Il-jo¡¯s fault.


    *****


    ¡°How¡¯d that happen?¡± Seungjae¡¯s question contained many things. I did not answer easily.


    ¡°You hate stupid kids. How did you get involved?¡±


    ¡°Do you hate it, don¡¯t you despise it.¡± Kyung-eon accepted Seung-jae¡¯s words. It was very annoying to see him smile and laugh. The ¡®dumb kids¡¯ that Seungjae refers to here refer to people with narrow eyesight who start work without anticipating the outcome. People who ignore the fact that if they cross the line I have drawn, the relationship will be ruined. Most of these people are so engrossed in their emotions that they can only go straight. My field of vision is narrow, so I can¡¯t just look ahead. The most recent example would be an ex-girlfriend who was constantly trying to stamp with me, even though I had never even talked about marriage.


    What kind of people who clings to a very small probability, hoping that they will be the only exception. And I think all of that is stupid.


    ¡°I do not know. It¡¯s a long story.¡±


    ¡°Long story¡­ you mean, it¡¯s bothersome  to explain. Don¡¯t you even want to wasted your energy to be angry?¡±


    I just nodded my head. I didn¡¯t want to say that we were cousins, and I didn¡¯t want to say that we were living together. It¡¯s even harder to explain


    ¡°Just cut him out? It¡¯s nothing new.¡±


    ¡°I will¡­ .¡±


    There¡¯s no excuse right now for not explaining the situation. So, eventually I gave up. ¡°He live in my house now.¡±


    ¡°Did he bragged in? How could everyone is so crazy nowadays¡­ .¡±


    ¡°No, I told him to move in.¡±


    ¡°What? Hey! Then of course he¡¯ll get the wrong idea. Man, you screwed up!¡±


    Seungjae and Kyungeon both had expressions of absurdity. At this point, I definitely understood. Yes. I gave him hope. I shouldn¡¯t have taken it home in the first place¡­ The irritability that pricked me on the first day I brought Il-Jo into the house must have come from this ominous future. Because in the end it was something to regret. Usually I¡¯m good at drawing a line for those who approach me for something, especially for an emotional reward. But this time I broke the line first.


    ¡°Why did you bring him home? You don¡¯t even invite us. ¡°


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know he was gay.¡±


    ¡°What are you talking about? ? Didn¡¯t you get together with some guys before?¡±¡ªso there¡¯s nothing more to say.


    No, I thought my cousin would be fine. And at this point my irritation turned into anger. Little by little, I began to realize how absurd Lee Il-jo was. Even though we don¡¯t come and go, we¡¯re relatives and men above that. Is it my fault for letting this happen? Besides, on the subject of living on a bill, it feeds on my sympathy.


    ¡°Hey, I¡¯m a victim here.¡± I said sarcastically.


    Then, Seungjae, who looked complicated, gave the answer in one word. ¡°Kick him out.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    On the way home from after separating up with my two friends, I called Il-Jo. But Il-Jo didn¡¯t pick up the calls.


    I let out a sigh of anger and sent a text message.


    [Don¡¯t sleep and wait for me.]

 Chapter 4

No content

 Chapter 5

The next day, I barely managed to get to work until noon, at my usual work hours. It was lunchtime, so I sat down in the empty office, and someone approached me.

 Chapter 6

As soon as I pushed the door into the hospital room, I saw a surprised rabbit-like face.

 Chapter 7

There was nothing good in leaving the hospital room in a hurry to sleep at home, because when I got home, I still couldn¡¯t sleep.

 Chapter 8

¡°Il-Jo-ya. I¡¯ll pay you for the room, so stay over a hotel for today. Someone¡¯s coming over.¡± At first, Il-jo acted like he didn¡¯t understand me.

 Chapter 9

The hook that suddenly flew in was heavy. My finger, which had been subconsciously tapping the table regularly, also stopped at that moment.

 Chapter 10

    T/N : This is actually the beginning of ch 2.?? ? ?? (The meaning of kiss), still long way to go to complete 1st volume of this novel series.


    I don¡¯t know if there¡¯s anybody who also like this novel as much as I do, if there¡¯s anyone who read this, please leave comments below. Thank you! you can also comment anonymously too tho


    ***


    ¡°There¡¯s a guy below us who works in the office supply store in the lobby of the building.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I think I know who you are talking about.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that noticeable? I wasn¡¯t the only one.¡±


    ¡°Since when have you been working?¡± Another new face appeared. I thought silently. New face, who started appearing in conversations with people on our team for a while, is a man who works part-time at an office supply store on the first floor of a company building.


    That¡¯s all I know. However, the appearance was quite conspicuous, so the frequency of appearances in conversations was quite high.


    But I didn¡¯t listen to them very carefully. This is because the youngest employee of the computer room, an intern in the social contribution team, a barista in the cafe across the street, etc., were a topic that was repeated over and over again, changing only the opponent when a good person appeared.


    After all, it¡¯s a limited-time idol. ¡°He was really kind¡±


    ¡°But you know what it is? There were already two people in our company who try to approach him.¡±


    ¡°Who? who?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, but as soon as I saw him, he said that he was his type, and he went and gave me his number.¡±


    ¡°Oh my, girls these days are pretty. I hope you are confident.¡± But if the same story is repeated over and over again, I tend to become aware of it. Office supplies used in the company are usually received through the general affairs team after payment, but I have heard that more female employees are purchasing stationery with their own money to see the man up close.


    It was when I became a little curious about the man who breathes warmth into the hearts of female employees in such a boring routine that is repeated every day. ¡°Didn¡¯t the item arrive?¡± A staff member of the general affairs team answered my question with a puzzled face. ¡°The order went in properly, but it¡¯s strange. I don¡¯t have any stuff. Will you come back tomorrow to find me? I¡¯m going back now¡­ .¡± Saying that, the staff tried to get up. I stopped him and waved my hand lightly, ¡°Oh, that¡¯s fine. I¡¯ll go get it.¡±


    ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s right below, right?¡± After saying good bye, I went out and headed straight downstairs. Normally, I would have waited until tomorrow because it was bothersome, but I just remembered the conversation of the employees a while ago. And when I arrived at the office supply store on the first floor, I encountered a familiar face I had never imagined.


    ¡°Why are you here¡­ .¡±


    Surprised, I pointed at Il-Jo without realizing it. But, with a surprised expression on his face, Il-Jo just stopped in place and disappeared into the warehouse before I could even finish speaking.


    Are you avoiding me now? As I was standing still, someone came and talked to me. It was a familiar face. Maybe it¡¯s the original employee.


    ¡°Sir, is there something you are looking for?¡±


    ¡°The one that has entered the warehouse now.¡± ¡°Yes?¡± I hurriedly changed my words at the staff¡¯s stiff smile.


    ¡°¡­ It¡¯s not a thing, it¡¯s a person¡­ He just entered the warehouse, how long have he been working here?¡± At my question, the staff looked up at me with a more wary look. And in those eyes, I realized that I was acting less socially. I felt like a man in his 50¡¯s who fell in love with a young woman who only saw her face.


    However, to clear up some misunderstandings, I felt bothered to explain that I was asking because he didn¡¯t understand why. Il-Jo was my cousin, and he lived in my house, and he got a job without me knowing. So I let go of the question I had just asked and sighed. ¡°The general affairs team said something was missing. I came to pick it up.¡±


    ¡°Oh, is it? Come over here.¡±


    While waiting for a while at the checkout counter to find things, Il-Jo still did not show up. It¡¯s clear he been avoiding me. That¡¯s why he hid in the warehouse and didn¡¯t come out until I left.


    In front of the door to the warehouse, there was a sign saying ¡®Staff Only¡¯. As I was staring at the small window above it, the employee who was tapping on his laptop spoke to me.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. The order was definitely coming in, but there was something missing.¡±


    ¡°Did the general affairs team miss it?¡±


    ¡°No. We forgot. Sorry, guest can¡¯t enter.¡± He guess I was naive without knowing it. But why am I annoyed? I quickly came to my senses I am a person who despises the burden of stress on workers who have to work for the minimum wage and have to do emotional labor. Even though I quickly released my expression, the poor employee looked at me and continued.


    ¡°Hey, the one who entered the warehouse. He  only been working for two weeks. But there are so many people asking similar questions¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t even know.¡± I questioned the staff who explained each and every word, absurdly. ¡°When did I ask?¡±


    ¡°Yes? Did you ask before?¡± There was nothing to say in the right words. ¡°It¡¯s the first time a man asks a question. You probably didn¡¯t mean it that way, I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    At that moment, I realized what kind of misunderstanding I had just received. However, ¡®Look at this. It¡¯s not me, it¡¯s that guy who liked me.¡¯ It is impossible to say that blatantly, the feeling subsided.


    If this is the case, you will really get annoyed with the person. ¡°I know, forget it. I¡¯ll ask him myself when I got home.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    I forcefully smiled at the bewildered employee, took the item, and left the store.


    Then, in order to control my mind, I bought a drink to recharge my sugar at the cafe next door. ¡°Please sweeten it.¡±


    ¡°Iced Permigration Blueberry Latte is sweet! Four tablespoons of powder, please sweeten it a lot.¡± The part-timer took my order without asking. As soon as I received the finished drink and was afraid to return, Manager Yoon walked back to my seat. ¡°Jeonghan, are you feeling bad?¡±


    ¡°Is there another problem with my face?¡±


    ¡°No, there is a problem with the drink you brought. Am i quick? But you should watch your insulin level. After working in the company for a long time, such small habits accumulate and threaten your health. Look at the people on our floor. All over the age of 40 have rhinitis and gastroenteritis. And a lot of young people these days have diabetes.¡± Another long talk. Do you care about the manager? Instead of answering, I put a straw in my mouth. When I drank the sweet, my mood temporarily eased.


    Drug dependence should not increase like this¡­ . ¡°Yes, thank you for your concern.¡± With a smile, Manager Yoon returned to his seat. But the word insulin level remained in my mind and distracted me for a while. I have severe health anxiety that doesn¡¯t suit me. It can be said that it is an unbearable mentality that I am proud of myself for having so much.


    It would have been the result of a comprehensive examination in Il-Jo do. Since you were supposed to receive the results home, you must have already received the results. The guy who had more time at home than me would receive the parcels or mail that arrived home and put them on the table. The bills that arrived to me were left unopened, and the parcel was unpacked, collected separately, and only the items were taken out. Pretty neat guy. That being said, I am glad that there is at least one thing that is excellent at sunlight.


    Although it¡¯s a little sad that cleaning is not a talent that can benefit the world or raise one¡¯s honor. Anyway, I could have asked Il-Jo about what happened in the same building, but he just didn¡¯t say anything. Just like any other day, he came home from work and looked at me and said, ¡®You already arrived?¡¯ and bowed his head. That brazen face was amazing. You act like you don¡¯t even remember seeing me during the day. Obviously looking at my face and avoiding it.


    So, as always, I silently took off my shoes and ran across the living room. Seeing that I did not have the packaged food for two to share in my hand, Il-Jo quietly returned to his room. the next day, and the next day. Lee Il-jo didn¡¯t seem to want to tell me anything unless I asked him first. I wondered if it was a short-term part-time job that lasted a day or two and was already over¡­ If I had to forget, seeing the story of a handsome part-timer in the office supply store on the first floor of the building, it seemed that it was not.


    ¡°Your face is so pale. I thought college students were working part-time for a while. But I¡¯m twenty-nine.¡±


    ¡°This is very advanced information. Did you ask that?¡±


    ¡°Then, I¡¯m an aunt, so ask questions like that.¡±


    ¡°Chief, chief. Then why not ask if I have a girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t be so passive! Go ahead and ask openly. Receptionist Yuri already ate lunch together once?¡±


    It was clear that the story heard through the partition was about Il-Jo. Without realizing it, the mouse stopped and I was immersed in the story. However, thanks to the manager who showed up soon after, the staff dispersed. He doesn¡¯t really care. But why doesn¡¯t he talk? But I soon understood. You may not want to talk. Kyung-eon said that in her first lecture after entering college, she was shocked to see her classmate whom I had neglected throughout high school in the same classroom as her, so she decided to try again.


    Originally, I knew that he was a man who said he was going to die of low self-esteem, but I think I thought it was a bit excessive at the time. Even then, I was somewhat persuaded and moved on. Because I can¡¯t blame my friends for their personalities. In fact, humans are each other, so when you curse at a friend, it¡¯s like spitting in your face.


    Anyway, they are all men of the same age, but one of them works in the office upstairs and the other works as a part-timer at an office supply store. Of course, you may not like the reality of stark comparisons. A feeling of inferiority, it was difficult to guess any other reason. But why is he suddenly taking pride in me? Come to think of it, the answer came quickly. Because I like it. All of my ex-girlfriends started acting incomprehensible when they all felt their emotional seesaw tilted to one side. And from the beginning, I climbed the seesaw alone, holding a lot of emotional weight.


    At the moment when they feel they are emotionally euphoric, they try to get some kind of reward from the other person. A defense mechanism to protect the eroded self-esteem is activated. And I tend to never give an answer to the other person¡¯s non-verbal expression in such a situation.


    People have to talk, and if I don¡¯t have the courage to put my feelings into words and I only act narrowly, I get bored quickly. Anyway, it may be that Lee Il-jo is also passively protecting himself now.


    The gap between you and the person you like is so obvious, there¡¯s no way it¡¯s okay. And his defense mechanism was at a cute level that didn¡¯t even hit me, so it didn¡¯t bother me too much. If you ever feel like you¡¯re trying to protect yourself, well, it¡¯s something to celebrate from my point of view.


    A week passed like that. Meanwhile, Il-Jo continued to act incomprehensible. When I went to work, he said hello to me and went back into the room, and when I got home from work, he came out of the room in the same outfit as in the morning. As if I wanted to completely hide the fact that I went out secretly while I was at work and did a short part-time job. do everything I let Il-Jo do whatever it takes.


    The only thing that worries me a bit is that Receptionist Yuri, who said we had lunch together, is too kind to me. I could tell that Yuri¡¯s interest in Il-Jo was of the same kind that he briefly turned to me.


    A light crush that feels like flying. I wonder if he would have agreed to the meal even though he knew it. And one more thing, I was a little curious if Il-Jo could even date a woman¡­


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    That¡¯s none of my business. And just a week after we knew each other and pretended not to know, Il-Jo did not enter the room after giving me a good eye after leaving work.


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    There was only silence between our gazes. As soon as I took off my shoes, instead of going straight into the room, I headed to the kitchen and slowly poured a glass of water. Il-Jo¡¯s gaze on my back felt blatant. I could feel that he was going crazy because he wanted to say something to me right now.


    So I generously decided to throw the bait first. To make it easier for Il-Jk to talk to me.


    ¡°What you looking at?¡±


    ¡°Why did you say you live with me?¡± The answer came out in a snap like bread popping out of a toaster. It was an unexpected question. Silence passed for 3 seconds. I quickly regained my composure and poured another glass of water.


    ¡°Who say it?¡±


    ¡°The person I work with¡­ He said so.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± how did you say that It happened a week ago, so I can¡¯t remember the details. So instead, I returned to the question. ¡°Why did you hide your work from me? We¡¯ve meet before. We ran into each other openly and you ran away.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Il-Jo¡¯s eyes widened.


    It was a reaction that he never thought I would say such a thing. ¡°Give me some water too.¡± Il-Jo came up to me and took the glass of water from my hand. Then he gulped down to see the floor. Looking at him I thought about what Il-Jo¡¯s ¡®non-verbal expression¡¯ meant.


    Perhaps he wanted to show that I was not even funny. That¡¯s very threatening. I asked, looking down at the rather brave Il-Jo. ¡°So you wanted to drink from the cup I drank?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°An indirect kiss.¡± Making Il-Jo felt difficult in one second is easier than a piece of cake for me. When I asked, with my eyes narrowed on purpose, Il-Jo returned the cup to me with a look of great bewilderment. It¡¯s like throwing an object that you touched prematurely and caused burns. ¡°You¡­ You did.¡±


    ¡°What I did?¡±


    I put the cup on the sink and then took off my suit jacket. Then, I habitually untie my tie and pull the watch. While undoing the top two buttons, Il-Jo opened his mouth again.


    ¡°You said I should pretend to don¡¯t know you¡­.¡± ¡°When did I say that?¡± At my question, Il-Jo kept his mouth shut. And at the same time I remembered. ¡°Ah¡­ .¡± reminded me one day, when the harassment against him was too extreme for me, I looked down at him at the hospital near my company and offered to have dinner with him that day.


    Because of this, even after the morning treatment was over, Il-Jo had to wait until I got home from work. I don¡¯t know what he was doing during that time. Actually, I wasn¡¯t interested. Because it was an itinerary that was completely tailored to my convenience.


    Anyway, after realizing that Il-Jo would be inside my activity boundary all day, I said, ¡®If you ever run into me near the office, don¡¯t pretend to know me.¡¯


    Why did I do that?


    ¡°I forgot.¡±


    ¡°You really¡­ .¡± Il-Jo muttered helplessly. But forgetting those words was not intentional. Although these words were not meant to make Il-Jo difficult or hurt, Il-Jo seemed to have been hurt more than ever. You could tell by looking at his face.


    ¡°Are you going to cry again?¡±


    ¡°Why am I crying?¡± Il-Jo said with quite a bit of strength in his eyes. It seems that crying in front of me the other day when we were drinking together is still a huge shame. ¡°Are you upset?¡±


    ¡°No. I¡¯m not upset.¡± That¡¯s a lie. If you¡¯re not upset, there¡¯s no way you¡¯ll ever remember those words, and there¡¯s no way you¡¯d run away to the warehouse as soon as you ran into me. It is true that he deliberately avoided me, but I was relieved to think that I was the one who made it that way. I tapped Il-Jo on the shoulder and apologized.


    ¡°Hey, sorry. It was a bit like that back then.¡±


    ¡°I know. You are capricious.¡±


    ¡°Are you cursing in front of me now?¡± I smiled and picked up the car key I had left on the table again. Il-Jo was still holding his clumsy venomous expression, but nevertheless, he could not hide the curiosity in his eyes.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go Let me buy you some clothes.¡±


    ¡°Clothes?¡±


    ¡°I remember why I did that. Look at what you wear.¡± As I pointed at the guy¡¯s thick t-shirt, Il-Jo grabbed his t-shirt¡¯s chest.


    ¡°Most of them over there are office workers, but what would people think if you wore them in such a messy way? And when I run into you after hanging out with people from the company, everyone won¡¯t ask what¡¯s going on. How do I explain it to them?¡± It seems to be written ¡®It¡¯s really bad?¡¯ on the forehead of Il-Jo when he looking at me.


    Of course, I wasn¡¯t mad at that expression. Because that¡¯s true. But those black eyes evoked memories of the past. ¡®By the way¡­ Don¡¯t dress like this when you come to Seoul. Because it¡¯s rustic.¡¯ It was the second time he  heard it, so it seemed less shocking than it was then. Il-Jo went into his room without saying a word, put on the one and only thin bomber, and followed me out.


    On the way to a nearby department store in the car, I suddenly had a question and asked.


    ¡°How do you survive the winter when you only have these clothes?¡±


    ¡°¡­I can wear everything I have at once.¡±


    ¡°Then, aren¡¯t your clothes not that good?¡±


    ¡°I do not know.¡±


    All the way to the department store, Iljo looked out the window. It makes quite a bit of tea. Either way, I talked about what I wanted to say. ¡°Why are you working there? Did you know that the company I work for was near there and followed me?¡±


    ¡°No it¡¯s not. I really didn¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Stalker.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± When I couldn¡¯t hold back my laughter, Il-Jo hurriedly added an explanation. His voice was full of frustration. ¡°No, really. It¡¯s close to your house and the neighborhood is nice¡­ I don¡¯t know Seoul well, so I looked it up in a place I knew and found it.¡±


    ¡°Yes. okay okay.¡± I replied with a moderate smile. I decided to stop teasing him more, as it seemed pathetic to write and deny it. Instead, I continued driving silently through the night streets of Seoul. I became more lenient, and turned on the car audio to play music. It was an enjoyable night drive with the waves of the Hangang River glittering in the distance and the street lamps lined up in the distance. It¡¯s a bit of a blemish that it¡¯s Lee Il-joo, not my girlfriend, sitting next to me¡­ It wasn¡¯t that bad though.


    It was after a little more time that Il-Jo opened his mouth again and muttered in a low voice. I turned down the volume of the music and listened to his voice. ¡°Jeonghan-ah, I want to continue working there¡­ The owner is nice and the store is clean. My boss originally tried to find a high school graduate, but he accept me to work.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t keep being this lucky.¡±


    Who thought that what Il-Jo thinking was talking as if I was gonna tell him to quit. I didn¡¯t really respond to Il-Jo, who looked at me. The department store we arrived at was already close to closing time. After stopping the car in the parking lot, I made a phone call and went up to the VIP lounge. As soon as we arrived, the personal shopper in the VIP room greeted us kindly.


    ¡°Can I get you a drink?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll pass. What would you like to drink?¡± Il-Jo looked around the lounge and said, ¡®Me, me too.¡¯ ¡® replied with a mosquito crowing. Il-Jo¡¯s complexion suddenly turned pale as he opened the brochure provided by the dedicated personal shopper. ¡®Why aren¡¯t there any price tags?¡¯ Il-Jo whispered to me with a bewildered face.


    Because of this incident, the debt owed to me by Il-Jo could be up to 30 million won instead of 3 million won¡­ I took a little longer before answering.


    ¡°I¡¯m buying it, so just pick it up.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± This was an apology to Il-Jo, who must have been unintentionally hurt by my words. However, I was a little hesitant to express it as it is. Because you might think that I have a feeling.


    ¡°Okay, can you buy me one too?¡±


    ¡°Hey, what is that?¡± Il-Jo was trembling about what other evil things I would do. I picked a belt that cost less than 500,000 won in front of Il-Jo. As a result, Il-Jo owed me about 3.5 million won. And on that day, I bought a total of 14 clothes, including shoes, for about 12 million won. I didn¡¯t tell Rizo the exact price, but he seemed to know that it was a price he could never pay back.


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    Before going home, Il-Jo said to me. ¡°Thank you, I¡¯ll wear it well.¡± Il-Jo with his gentle eyes, who had already brushed off what had upset him in the previous conversation, docilely said.


    It was surprising. To be honest, I thought, ¡®I¡¯d rather give it in money.¡¯


    ¡°Yes, wear it well.¡± At my words, Il-Jo laughed heartily again.

 Chapter 11

    By the end of spring, it rained frequently. The torrential rain that fell, stopped only at noon. It felt like the rain that had been pouring down until I went swimming in the early morning to avoid the crowds of time had now completely stopped.


    ¡®Let¡¯s sleep a little more¡­ .¡¯


    Because it was the weekend, I allowed myself to form a bit of laziness. As I slept all morning, I felt someone moving in and out of the room. Without checking, I know who it is. It must have been the one that killed a lot of footsteps. And a few hours later, I woke up to the noise of washing machines and dryers from somewhere in the house, and to the sound of water from a humidifier spraying water mist from the bedside filled with water.


    Compared to the time before, I think that there is something convenient because there are people living with me. I looked at the time and it was a little past 11. As soon as I left the room thinking about what to eat for lunch, I saw Il-Jo folding the laundry.


    Since the weekdays are busy because of his part-time job, he often cleans the house every weekend.


    ¡°Il-Jo ya.¡± When I called his name, the guy who sat, stiffened his back at once. Even the hand that was moving before, diligently stopped.


    It¡¯s not like I¡¯ll eating anyone.


    Is unrequited love close to fear?


    ¡°Il-Jo ya¡± There was a yawn at the end as I called him again. Out of shape. The boy did not answer easily. He seems to have noticed that I just calling him for fun. Of course, as Il-Jo had already figured out, I didn¡¯t call him because I had a specific purpose.


    I just want to bothering him a little more. ¡°Hey, debtor.¡± Next to Iljo, a tower of laundry almost as tall as he sat was building up a narrow tower. I went and tapped it with my toe. In a hurry, Il-Jo tried to catch the tower that was falling helplessly.


    Hahaha!


    I laughed out loud without realizing it, and Il-Jo turned stiff. The boy¡¯s eyes were strange.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Do not laugh.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m scared¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Hey, it¡¯s good when people laugh, so why do you say it¡¯s scary? You are not really polite there.¡±


    However, Il-Jo did not change his opinion. I¡¯m pretty stubborn I slumped down next to him and helped fold his broken laundry back.


    ¡°Hey, Debtor.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡± ¡°


    ¡°The debtor didn¡¯t answer, I lent the money for nothing.¡±


    Then Il-Jo slowly looked into my eyes and asked.


    ¡°How long do I have to pay it back?¡±


    ¡°Well? It is up to the agreement¡±


    ¡°Agreement?¡±


    ¡°Will you pay off a certain percentage per month, or do you pay it off all at once.


    ¡°Um, um, What do you prefer?¡± Il-Jo nodded eagerly, pretending to understand what I was saying.


    ¡°I do not care. Whether I receive that penny divided or all at once.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°You decide.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll think about it for a bit.¡±


    ¡°Great. When it¡¯s decided, let¡¯s write a contract.¡±


    Il-Jo had a bewildered expression on whether he even needed a contract. However, my theory is that the closer the relationship, the clearer the debt relationship. In order for him to live in a harsh world in the future, it is better to learn how to write a contract properly at this time.


    Il-Jo took all the washed laundry to the dressing room and organized it, this time with a duster in his hand. It was an ostrich fur duster that Seungjae¡¯s friend forced me to do as an importer. It¡¯s strange that I still remember the history of that thing. Because I had completely forgotten that we even had such a thing in our house until Il-Jo brought it out.


    Il-Jo, who came out of the living room, looked at me softly and asked. He held the duster tightly in one hand.


    ¡°It¡¯s the weekend, where are you going?¡± The intention of asking such a question was obvious, so I didn¡¯t even laugh. Am I disturbing the general cleaning? But, while I was sleeping, I carefully turned the blackout blinds and filled the humidifier with water and pretended to be gloomy.


    As I stared at him without hiding his scornful laugh, Il-Jo gave strength to the hand holding the duster. It was as if he wanted to brush me off with it.


    ¡°Why do you want me to go out?¡± I took a bottle of alcohol out of the kitchen cupboard as if to tease him. It was a Dutch vodka that I received as a gift the other day, and it was in the form of brewing a tea bag with alcohol. It was cumbersome to eat, so I couldn¡¯t find a specific day to take it out, but the timing is good now, so I just laid out the tools on the table that had just been polished by Il-Jo and concentrated on drinking.


    ¡°It¡¯s not it¡­ you have a girlfriend right? Aren¡¯t you have a date?¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± My stopped for a moment. I completely forgot. Woman¡­ what was her name again? I thought I really liked her, but I can¡¯t even remember the name, it¡¯s a weird feeling.


    After that, we just ended without a proper closing greeting. In fact, it¡¯s an embarrassing relationship to even call it ¡®Together¡¯. Besides, I had forgotten too, so I didn¡¯t have time to tell Il-Jo that the relationship had ended without any progress. Let me tell you, it was actually over before it even started. But I didn¡¯t. Because Il-Jo might have strange hopes.


    Also, if you ask me why we decided not to meet again, the answer is somehow difficult.


    ¡°Of course. But I want to rest on the weekend.¡± In response to the roughly twisted answer, Il-Jo  had a mysterious expression on his face as if he knew something. I felt that Il-Jo didn¡¯t agree with me at all. But instead of refusing, he turned around and concentrated on cleaning again. And I focused on brewing tea with alcohol. It was nice to see the color of the tea leaves spreading through the transparent vodka. Rather than thinking about the woman who I has already forgotten her name, it is inevitable to lose my gaze at the beautiful sight created by the complex physical sign in front of me. The excitement brought about by a new meeting quickly cooled down ridiculously. Just like the intoxication that rises slightly from a can of cheap beer goes away at once after washing your face, leaving only a bad headache at the end.


    At first, I thought I had some passion, but now I can¡¯t even find a trace of that passion. Perhaps, as we get older and experience dating is accumulated, dating according to the pattern becomes more and more boring. Even before the start of a relationship, the energy consumed in one routine of that relationship is already guessed. As a result, it seems that from a certain moment, the feeling of fatigue was often greater than the excitement. Even if the relationship develops naturally by following the procedure, many may not be satisfied with the futile end of a love affair, a catastrophe in the end.


    It seems that I have always felt skeptical about the fact that after going through all these processes, in the end, what is left is the remnants of a relationship that is inferior to others. Of course, there are people who enjoy the process more than the result, but¡­ at least not me


    ¡°Have you ever been in relationship?¡±


    ¡°What kind of relationship¡­ .¡± In response to my sudden question, Il-Jo mumbled insignificantly. He was now wiping the floor with a tightly wrung wet mop. Even after running the vacuum cleaner, Iljo directly wipes the floor once more with a mop. Even though he said he didn¡¯t have to do that because it seemed like a lot of work to get down on his knees and crawl around the house, he had to wipe it with a damp cloth, but he seemed to have cleaned it properly. yes what I didn¡¯t bother interfering, as it was the one who consumed the labor anyway. However, when I looked down at Iljo, who was kneeling on the floor with his back on the sofa and vodka in one hand, I felt like I had become an evil  stepmother.


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    ¡°Stop that, wash your hands, come here and sit down. Try this one.¡±


    Il-Jo quickly threw away the mop and washed his hands. It was the bait I threw because I knew he wanted to sit next to me rather than drink. After pouring a cup of tea-infused vodka, Il-Jo was accustomed to accepting the cup.


    ¡°Why is your hand like this again?¡±


    ¡°Eung?¡±


    Sitting close, something stood out. At first glance, Il-Jo¡¯s hand looked like sandpaper, and there were burrs around the nails, which looked quite painful. As I pulled his hand, Il-Jo, who realized what I was looking at, instinctively tried to grab his hand and pull it out.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because my hands aren¡¯t pretty.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    Il-Jo was embarrassed and clenched his fists to hide the grabbed hand. It felt even worse when I touched it. Obviously, this wasn¡¯t the case when we first shook hands at the funeral. Even after 9 years of hard labor in nursing, I thought it was a beautiful hand. Now the soft back of his hand was like a dry branch. It¡¯s a pretty hand¡­ Beautiful hands that look delicate and slender like a willow branch because of their thin bones.


    ¡°Apply something like hand cream.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a man¡¯s hand, what the use?¡±


    As soon as I let go of my hand, Il-Jo replied shyly, but hid it behind his back. ¡°But don¡¯t you answer the question I asked earlier? Have you never been in a relationship?¡± At my question, Il-Jo lowered his eyes and hardly opened his mouth. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°¡­well.¡± Then yes. I was convinced of the vague answer that was neither agree nor deny. This guy, who has no dating experience, wants to take care of his pride in front of me, who is his  unrequited love. If you don¡¯t have a plausible dating experience by the time you reach your thirties, you might feel ashamed. I filled the poor virgin again with wine.


    ¡°It could be. Love is not necessary.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°But you can¡¯t be with a girl at all? A lot of people have given you their numbers. Love should be forgotten with love. Choose one of them¡­ .¡±


    ¡°How did you know that?¡±


    ¡°I heard rumors about you at the company.¡±


    Il-Jo looked a little confused. He don¡¯t know how fast a company rumours spread. I brought up another story that would terrify Il-Jo.


    ¡°Did you eat dinner with Reception Yuri?¡±


    ¡°How did you know that?¡± This time, his voice was much louder than before, as if he was really surprised. ¡°I also ate with Yuri several times. He¡¯s a bit quick-witted.¡± At my words, Il-Jo couldn¡¯t hide his complicated expression.


    And I noticed the emotion under that expression. It was obviously jealousy. Seriously, he¡¯s jealous of the subject. When he found out that there was a woman I was dating, I thought it was surprising that she acted quite bluntly, but again, it was all acting.


    ¡°But aren¡¯t you a real womanizer?¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just curious. Were you blindly liking men from the beginning? Have you ever dated a woman?¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Yuri-ssi is fine.¡± Il-Jo¡¯s eyes looking up at me, were overflowing with emotions. I pretended not to notice them, put the glass to my mouth and lowered my eyes.


    And at this point, I expected that Il-Jo would once again express his emotions. Like he did last time, he hung a bunch of tears on his eyelashes. Why are you talking like that in front of me when you know I like you? Why are you stabbing me in the face to meet a woman?


    If you cry, then I was going to record it on video this time. Watching Il-Jo gently bite his lip, my heart pounded with excitement. Wow? But Il-Jo did not live up to my expectations.


    ¡°It¡¯s because Yuri-ssi just so nice. But I already said no.¡± As I listened to the calm voice of the guy who quickly picked up his emotions, I was blown away.


    I asked in a bored voice. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯m not into woman. All I fell in love with were men.¡±


    ¡°Hmm¡­ .¡± Of course, it was expected, but after hearing it in person, I feel bad for some reason.


    The phrase, ¡®All I fell in love with was a man¡¯ scratched my nerves. Come to think of it, I was concerned that he kept his mouth shut until the end about his dating experience. He don¡¯t want to spread precious memories to a character trash like me? What does that mean?


    And on the following Monday, as soon as I went to work, I could hear the updated rumors of Il-Jo. ¡°There is Reception Yuri.¡±


    ¡°Oh, how are you? I got off work on Friday and made an appointment¡­ I went to work fully armed that day was a day.¡±


    ¡°You were rejected.¡±


    ¡°Awesome, if Yuri-ssi doesn¡¯t work, how pretty do you have to be?¡±


    ¡°Look like he already have a girlfriend. There¡¯s no way he wouldn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that¡­ He said he couldn¡¯t because he had someone he like.¡±


    ¡°Awesome. Isn¡¯t he so pure?!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just that handsome people don¡¯t want anyone to own them, so let¡¯s keep them as cultural assets together, okay?¡±


    I smirked as I secretly stole the chatter of the staff. It seems that Il-Jo also showed his candor without regret. The mood that had subsided over the weekend was temporarily restored.


    ¡°But what¡¯s even more awesome?¡±


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    ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°The person he like¡­ He said he was from our company.¡± At that moment, a familiar reaction like a professional audience on TV resounded.


    It was when the employees who screamed with joy once were trying to figure out ¡®a handsome part-timer¡¯s unrequited love¡¯. At the same time, an unnoticed managing director appeared, and the employees were scattered. And I was a little curious. The unexpectedly honest guy must have even confessed that the target he likes is a man.

 Chapter 12

    6.4.22


    The sound of music with a moderate beat, candles flickering in the dim light. Long shadows of well-maintained houseplants cast on the wall like a fine work of art. At a drinking party with such a good atmosphere, I was lonely as if I had come alone. I just took him out.


    ¡°How do you live with this bastard, suffocating?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay because I don¡¯t have to see him when he go to work.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going crazy. It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen someone say that to Jeong-Han face  ha ha ha.¡± Kyung-eon couldn¡¯t stop his frivolous laughter.


    Really¡­ I just took him out. It was a drinking party with friends caught in the blink of an eye. When I left, I was so moved by Il-jo, who would be all alone in the corner of the room, so I asked Seung-jae and Kyung-eon for permission in advance, and that I was about to bring him out.


    I wanted to feed Il-Jo an expensive snack even if he ate a little bit with my unlucky friends, but what the heck. Kyeong-eon was crazy, and he liked Il-Jo too much. Even though he¡¯s aware that Il-Jo just a middle school graduate and living as a part timer. Kyung-eon is one of the most snobbish people I know, and it¡¯s strange.


    ¡°He¡¯s nice and not bothersome.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I like guys like that. Its not tiring being around him.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know.¡±


    Anyway, the atmosphere at the drinking party wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought. Seungjae considers Il-Jo to be able to participate in the conversation from beginning to end, like a guy with a bit more manners than me, and Kyungeon finds it fun to crack me up with Il-Jo, so he even took him and sat him next to me. It was me, not the Il-Jo, who was left out on the spot and rummaged through snacks.


    And on that day, it is said that I was too drunk to focus on my own work and returned home with the support of Il-Jo. The reason I say it as if I heard it from others even though it¡¯s my job¡­ Because I completely cut off the memories that day. It was very rare, about once a year. And the next day, I woke up on the sofa instead of in bed.


    ¡°What is this.¡± I got up with a frown on my face. It was hot, I had taken off my shirt. I fell asleep on the sofa with my upper body undressed. The quality of sleep is too poor. My whole body was numb. It was a huge blow to the workers who had to go to work today.


    I cast a suspicious glance at Il-Jo¡¯s tightly closed door. Did that guy take it off?


    However, as I was getting ready to go to work with my heavy head because of the hangover, I couldn¡¯t keep thinking about it any longer.


    I took a shower and put on my clothes. I was too tired to drive, so I took a taxi and somehow sat in the office before the hour, but two morning meetings were held in a row without a break. When people asked if I was sick, I couldn¡¯t answer that it was a hangover, so I pretended to be sick and smiled weakly.


    What¡¯s more, the team¡¯s lunch menu that day was a Western set in the cafeteria. After the meal, topped with three dumplings, a dry hamburger steak, and a fried egg, it was like pouring oil on an empty stomach.


    Please I want to go home soon¡­ As soon as I returned to my seat, pressing my bloated stomach with my hand, I witnessed an ominous sight where the manager was called to the managing director. And, unsurprisingly, the manager came with a heavy hand full of the new project that was directly instructed by the managing director.


    ¡°It¡¯s a bit sudden, but let¡¯s work a little overtime from today!¡± The overtime work continued for four days from that day. The stupid office worker who couldn¡¯t take care of his physical condition at the beginning of the week worked like a slave without any time to complain. On the subject of a regular employee, where have you been drinking since Monday?


    ¡°Dangerous¡­ If this is the case, I will be on my way to work on the weekend.¡± Deputy Yoo¡¯s trembling voice meant a lot.


    Thanks to this, our team members ran with vigor. I worked day and night with the will to keep the weekend intact, and finally, on Friday evening, I was able to finish the report and get rid of the project safely.


    ¡°We can¡¯t go home like this! Let¡¯s drink together!¡± Why? Even though I suffered because of alcohol, I also wanted to drink at that time.


    What is the reason for rushing home and pouring in alcohol when there is not enough time to lie down? I completely exhausted, I arrived at the house trembling. Fatigue and drunkenness together. As soon as I entered the front door, I ran into Il-Jo who was waiting for me in the living room. It¡¯s kind of a creepy view. ¡°Jeonghan-ah.¡± The name that came out of his mouth was very unfamiliar. I looked at the watch. It was already past midnight.


    ¡°You weren¡¯t asleep?¡± It was when I gave an insignificant answer and bowed to take off my shoes. Il-Jo, who was strangely desperate, came a little closer to me. ¡°Do you have anything to say?¡±


    When he raised his head to ask, Il-Jo asked in a very nervous voice. ¡°That day¡­ do you not remember?¡±


    ¡°Remember what?¡±


    ¡°That day¡­ .¡±


    ¡°That day?¡± Il-Jo quickly nodded his head several times. ¡°I won¡¯t ask you anything else. Please tell me if you remember or not. I¡¯m confused¡­ .¡±


    I was suddenly tired of this topic that had no context at all.


    ¡°I can¡¯t even remember what I can¡¯t remember.¡± I gave him a short answer, but Il-Jo was still looking at me with a mysterious expression on his face.


    ¡°Then why do you keep coming home late? You keep avoiding me¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I worked overtime for a project.¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ .¡±


    ¡°And I came before midnight every day. And you sleep early right.¡±


    When I say it, it¡¯s hard to say, ¡®Yeah. like that.¡¯ and answered. The boy¡¯s ears were dyed red.


    ¡°What is it?¡± I asked again, but this time from the side of him, I kept my mouth shut. He¡¯s usually a boring guy, but today he¡¯s especially look different. What¡¯s even more frustrating is this situation in which I feel like I have to remember something and give an answer.


    It¡¯s me who wants to ask why. As I was standing in the hallway without taking off my shoes yet, the scarlet sensor light went out. I lightly waved my hand and turned on the light again, and I saw the face of Il¡¯Jo, who was standing in the dark living room with a view. The shadows on that depressed face were particularly impressive. The face of the perpetrator and the victim changed, as if the person in debt became me. Well, I didn¡¯t say anything like that because I was shocked by my last words.


    As Il-Jo said he thought I was avoiding him, we didn¡¯t even get to see each other properly all week. ¡°But is it that urgent?¡± I sighed lightly and entered the house. ¡°I¡¯m a little tired.¡± I  pressed the heavy forehead with his fingers.


    This week has been really hard. I suffered from heavy work that required concentration without being able to shake off his fatigue, and I was even drinking alcohol today when everything was finished. Besides, for the past few days, I¡¯ve been busy just coming in and sleeping, with no time to get home to relax or take a leisurely soak in the bathtub. It was too much hard work for a human like me who wants to live a sloppy life¡­ . I felt like a chimney, wanting to go inside and rest, but I got a little annoyed by the guy holding my ankle.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t have to talk right now¡­ Can¡¯t you tell me tomorrow?¡± Saying that, the moment Il-Jo passed, there was a faintly sweet scent. It didn¡¯t smell like the usual body shower or shampoo. I stopped walking and turned to look at him. ¡°Did you spray perfume?¡± Il-Jo quickly shook his head. But there was a laugh at the obvious behavior. I guess it¡¯s because it¡¯s cool to be stylish.


    ¡°Dont do this so boldly. No matter what you do try and to seduce me.¡±


    ¡°¡­ seduce.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s not do anything that might make each other awkward, I really mean it.¡± The reason my words are too thorny is because I am tired now. Living with Il-Jo wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought.


    It¡¯s me, I don¡¯t need to change my lifestyle and I don¡¯t need to be forced into consideration, so maybe it¡¯s because nothing has changed from when I was living alone. And to go a little further, it¡¯s not that annoying that he likes me.


    But that¡¯s only within the limits I tolerate. I don¡¯t want to see the faces of people I despise in Il-Jo.


    ¡°You don¡¯t remember¡­ .¡± Il-Jo patted his ear and muttered.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m not. So you explain.¡±


    ¡° ¡­ .¡± However, Il-Jo who was usually quite good at saying things he didn¡¯t ask, acted as if he had lost the courage he had just squeezed out of his words.


    I endured his silence for about 5 seconds and then exploded. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m going to die of frustration. What the hell are you trying to say?¡± As soon as I threw the suitcase I was holding onto the sofa while screaming, Il-Jo was startled and spat out an apology like an answering machine. ¡°I misunderstood again, sorry!¡± Then he ran into the room.


    ¡°¡­ oh, what?¡± With a little regret for raising my voice, I approached Il-Jo¡¯s room. There was no sound of breathing through the closed door. It was on the contrary that I had put aside my tiredness and came to snoop through the closed door.


    ¡°Hey, open the door.¡± And that moment. ¡°Ah.¡± I just noticed what the scent was from him. At least at this moment. It wasn¡¯t perfume. It was the hand cream that was rolling around the house. I got it as a gift from my ex-girlfriend, but because it smelled so strong, I didn¡¯t use it anymore and threw it away.


    ¡®Put on hand cream or something.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m a man though.¡¯


    I pressed my hand against my tired eyes and blamed myself. ¡°¡­ Ha, I¡¯m the only on who became the bad guy again. When did he  get that?¡±


    I picked up the bag I had thrown away earlier and went into the room. Because if you have a temper, there will be things you will regret. It is for this reason that I decided not to live according to my nature. After changing clothes, I knocked on Il-Jo¡¯s door. ¡°Hey, it¡¯s me. Let¡¯s talk.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Il-Jo ya.¡± I knocked on the door again. No answer.


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    ¡°Il-Jo ya.¡±


    When his name was called three or four more times, Il-Jo carefully opened the door from the inside. I saw the inside of the room that I had never been inside since he took the guest room. Along with the subtle reverberation of the hand cream that I had recognized earlier, there was a soft smell as if it had been well dried in the sun.


    ¡°Why your room smell really good?¡±


    ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t have a lot of clothes, so I have to do laundry well.¡±


    From those words, I got the feeling that Il-Jo  knew his plight and poverty very well. So, once in a while, I scratch the inside of a person like this.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you have clothes? I bought you a lot.¡±


    ¡°Why did you call me?¡± The tip of Il-Jo¡¯s nose was red. But no matter how much I thought about it, I didn¡¯t say anything stupid enough to make him cry. It¡¯s frustrating to the point of going crazy. He tells me to just remember without giving any hints, and then he cries because he is sad by himself.


    Of course, we all know that love makes people irrational. But seeing it in front of my eyes, I am truly amazed.


    ¡°Let¡¯s write a contract.¡±


    ¡°Suddenly, a contract¡­ .¡±


    ¡°You were going to write anyway, sit over there I will teach you how to write it.¡± Il-Jo followed me, looking at me like a really strange guy.


    I didn¡¯t care and left the room with the contract form. Usually, when small debts arise between acquaintances, it is my favorite, and it was an abbreviated contract with blank spaces that had to be changed each time.


    ¡°How are you going to repay the money? Have you thought about it?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll share.¡± Il-Jl bit his lips and answered. A tissue was thrown at the sound of a sneeze, and the tissue, which received air resistance, flew up and stuck to his face. Watching him blow his nose, he filled in the blanks in the contract.


    ¡°I will pay it back in installments, which means that I have to determine the number of months to repay now. How many months?¡±


    Il-Jo immediately responded to my words. ¡°6 months.¡±


    ¡°You mean you¡¯re leaving after six months?¡± It¡¯s faster than I thought. I was about to write a period in the blank, but I stopped and asked.


    ¡°Can I collect the deposit by then?¡± ¡°Well then, seven months¡­ .¡± Il-Jo answered without confidence.


    ¡°Yes. Then I will extend it by one month.¡± It seems that the half-year deadline was also a date that was made on a whim. I smiled and wrote 7 months. Of course, I don¡¯t think he¡¯ll be able to raise ten million won in seven months.


    ¡°If you want to change it, you can write an attached contract stating that it can be changed under the agreement of the two of you. Now sign here.¡± It felt strange to see the lyricist Lee Il-joo. It¡¯s like it¡¯s implicitly showing our relationship. While I was thinking like that in my mind, Il-Jo finished signing all the parts I pointed out.


    ¡°You just have to share one copy like this. Anything else?¡± Il-Jo shook his head slyly. Now the business is over, but he didn¡¯t go back to his room even with the paper I gave him in his hand.


    Is there something more to say? I wondered if the previous topic would continue, but Il-Jo was staring at the table with his head bowed without saying a word. I rummaged through the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator, giving him time to talk to me. But Il-Jo never opened his mouth again. Until I open the wine stopper openly, pour a glass of wine, and go into the bedroom.


    ¡°Sleep first.¡± What the hell are you thinking about yourself? I lay down looking at the ceiling to sleep, but I couldn¡¯t sleep easily. Even when I got home from work, I was feeling drowsy from the right amount of intoxication, so I thought I would just wash and go to bed as soon as I got home¡­ Il-Jo disrupted the biorhythm. For now, I¡¯ll have to track down what Il-Jo is trying to remember. The last drink before the project started was the last time I had a conversation with him. The day I met Seungjae and Kyungeon. ¡®Oh, Monday is too far away¡­ .¡¯ The memory was vague.


    This is exactly what happens when you are so busy with work. It becomes a blank slate as if I had erased the leisure and continued human relationships I had originally enjoyed with an eraser. Sadly, short-term projects like sprints took a lot from me. Relaxation, memory, humanity.


    Monday¡¯s drinking party I remember my friends who seemed to be blown away at the drinking party made quite a few useless noises.


    ¡®You¡¯re working in Jeonghan¡¯s company building? Will Jeonghan buy you some meal? This bastard makes a lot of money, but he didn¡¯t eat at all for lunch and dinner. Did I tell you not to pretend you know? I knew it. it happened to me too Because I¡¯m handsome, the female employees at the company might ask me for my number, so it seems like they put me in check¡­ childish guy. You must not live like that.¡¯


    ¡®There, there is someone who will become the vice president next year. It¡¯s Jeonghan¡¯s father. The president is my grandfather. Because he has a weird personality. They told me that they promoted me, but then the parachute broke out, and if the rumors spread, it would be more difficult to adapt, so I endure as a regular employee. He said he was going to go up after taking the promotion exam.¡¯


    ¡®Even if the HR appraisal is a bakery, I¡¯d be promoted, but it doesn¡¯t really mean anything.¡¯


    And I cut them down to one word. ¡®Hey, don¡¯t say nonsense.¡¯ If Il-Jo finds out, he will run away immediately. If he knows that there is a possibility that he will run into relatives he wants to avoid in his part-time job, he may quit right away. Il-Jo said he wanted to continue working part-time. ¡®But the lyric girl, isn¡¯t there a girl you¡¯re dating these days? He¡¯s not the kind of kid who¡¯s been in a relationship for so long.¡¯ ¡®There is. by the way¡­ .¡¯


    ¡®Wow, you traitorous bastard. Why aren¡¯t you talking?¡¯ At Kyung-eon¡¯s words, Il-jo touched his ear as if he had said something meaningless. He looked worried that he might have made me uncomfortable. I didn¡¯t pay much attention to what he said at the party, because I knew that he wasn¡¯t trying to fuck me up, he was just a liar.


    ¡®Isn¡¯t Jeonghan popular?¡¯ Seungjae noticed that Il-Jo was in trouble and tried to change the topic. ¡®Yes, there are many.¡¯ Il-Jo eagerly agreed.


    ¡®I like the people I work with, too. It¡¯s cool, sometimes when we run into each other on the way to and from work, we see each other face to face¡­ ? He said he took the system.¡¯ I mean, did you mean that you talked about me with the staff you worked with? It was a strange feeling. ¡®Hey, it¡¯s not because it¡¯s cool. Rumors have already spread around the company. It¡¯s called management. If you really want to deceive, you should have changed your house.¡¯ ¡®I thought I liked him just because he was handsome¡­ .¡¯


    Conversations in memory continued sporadically. Then the memory circuit suddenly jumped, and it suddenly changed to the background of the alleyway. The drinking party had just ended, and I was waiting for a substitute driver. On a street full of restaurants and shops, I saw a black dog waving its tail in front of a gomtang restaurant. Its short, inconspicuous tail was waving softly.


    The reason I went to the snowy dog¡­ There was a leash around his neck, but no one was holding the end of it. where is the owner Is it a gomtang house? However, when the owner of the gomtang restaurant came out from inside, the black dog noticed and ran away. Then, this time, he wags his tail in front of a Chinese restaurant. The short tail waving hard was funny and cute. Was it a Chinese dog? However, as soon as the door to the Chinese restaurant opened, the dog ran back to the building next door. I think he lost his owner


    ¡°Il-Jo ya.¡± I smiled and beckoned to Il-Jo. The moment I took my hand out of my pocket, my body staggered, and Il-Jo rushed to support me. ¡®I¡¯m too drunk.¡¯


    ¡°It¡¯s like you.¡±


    ¡°Why is that me?¡±


    ¡°The tail is shortened, the owner is lost¡­ It¡¯s pathetic, it¡¯s pathetic.¡±


    Il-Jo supported me while listening to my absurd words. Despite the difference in weight and height, the professional caregiver for 9 years was surprisingly strong for me, who was drunk. ¡°Uh-huh, why are you fumbling?¡±


    ¡°When did I?¡±


    ¡°Why do you keep putting your hands in your shirt?¡± When the ax¡¯s eyes were opened, Il-Jo was greatly embarrassed and tried to lift his finger somehow while supporting me.


    The effort seemed ridiculous, so I chuckled. And again the memory jumped. ¡°Ummm¡­ .¡± When I opened my eyes, what I saw was the ceiling of the car body, and the night scenery of the city passing by quickly out the window. I was lying on someone¡¯s leg. maybe it¡¯s a coincidence The warmth of his thighs was good. If you wear thin clothes, your body temperature is high. I have some survivability. I smiled as I unconsciously rubbed my cheek against Il-Jo¡¯s thigh.


    ¡°It tickles¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Water¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Water? Do you want to drink water? Hang in there. Excuse me, how much longer will it take to arrive?¡± Saying that, Il-Jo gently caressed my cheek that rested on his leg. As if sorry for not being able to quench my thirst right away.


    What was I thinking then? My mind became increasingly fuzzy. Fatigue that had been forgotten for a moment came over me. Across the border between reality and sleep, I felt a pleasant haze. Il-Jo pulled me out of the car again and supported me firmly. Two dots were punctured on the back of Il-Jo¡¯s white neck and back looking down. The artificial white light of the street lamp poured down the exposed back. ¡®You have a point. Il-Jo ya.¡¯


    ¡®Yes? I didn¡¯t know¡­ Oh!¡¯ A small, very slightly raised dot over the skin. I could feel the unevenness so thin that it would be hard to feel it if I didn¡¯t touch it delicately.


    What is questionable is how I touched the point, with one hand in my pocket and the other resting on Il-Jo¡¯s shoulder. Well, sometimes people get drunk and have weird synesthesia.


    It¡¯s soft.


    ¡°What? I, Jeonghan-ah. Do not be like this. I¡¯m too drunk.¡±


    I buried my lips to the nape of his neck, where the bones stand out, is also soft, but I wondered how softer it would be on the inside.


    I also touched his auricle, which he used to touch whenever he was shy. It was softer than I expected, and if I ripped it off with my teeth, it would hurt him helplessly. Weak skin. I like it.


    ¡®It¡¯s warm¡­ .¡¯


    ¡®Jeonghan? Jeonghan?¡¯ The body temperature that touched the palm of his hand was warm enough to be proud. Something striking was caught in the palm of the middle of his rather strong chest. It wasn¡¯t a mole, it was nipples softer than the skin. When I swiped my palms down, soft pink flesh came and crushed them under my hands.


    It was then that I remembered how I felt the touch of the dot on the back of his neck. I kissed the point of his mole that clearly visible under the streetlight. The surface of the skin clearly felt with the lips.


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    The sleep that had been gathering in me disappeared in an instant. I jumped out of my seat and got up. ¡°Ah, Shit!¡± Cursing came out of the upbringing.


    I really messed up.

 Chapter 13

    During the four days that I came home late due to overtime work, Il-Jo said that he thought I was avoiding him. Il-Jo¡¯s conjecture was not entirely wrong. Because I have recall the memories of that day, and now I really want to avoid encountering him. Why did I do that? Manager Song, who was paying attention to the fact that my monitor screen didn¡¯t turn off even after 5 minutes from work, noticed something and asked me. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you back yet? The team said yesterday that the rush already over.¡±


    ¡°Ah, I still have some work.¡±


    ¡°If you don¡¯t have dinner plans, would you like to go have dinner together? I can¡¯t go home with something I¡¯m going to get rid of by tomorrow. I¡¯m going to be late anyway, so lets have dinner.¡±


    I usually eat with people from other departments whenever I get a chance. Because there is nothing better than that to know the inner workings of the employees. I want to excuse myself for saying that at this time too, but¡­ I knew all too well from myself that this was not the reason I followed Manager Song. I don¡¯t want to go home.


    There was no good place to eat nearby, so we went to a restaurant in a five-star hotel not far from work. It was a pretty good place, but Manager Song ate dinner as if he was getting rid of food for battle. And in less than 30 minutes we were all done. I wanted to eat more slowly. ¡°Thats¡¯s a good meal¡±


    ¡°Yes, thank you¡­ .¡±


    Manager Song went up to the office excitedly and I went down to the underground parking lot. Now is the time to really go home. I sat in the car and thought without starting the engine. Why did I do that? I don¡¯t like this fragments memories.


    However, there are very few instances where it is cut off. Until I was twenty-seven, I didn¡¯t experience it at all, but from a certain moment on, there were times when I found that the path of my memory was cut off in a blink of an eye. On the day of the accident, I thought that the film did not stop because the flow of time and place remained connected to a certain extent in my memory. No, but why the hell did I put my lips on the nape of his neck?


    I couldn¡¯t understand the flow of thought that my subconscious would have decided. There have been times when, drunk, staring at the bakery display case, Castella looked so soft that I unwittingly came close enough to drive my forehead into the window. So the problem was that there was no glass window between Il-Jo¡¯s neck and my lips at that time.


    A sigh came out. ¡°Let¡¯s stop escaping reality.¡± Actually I knew the answer. That¡¯s my subconscious answer. There was only one answer as to why. Even though I already realized this, it was difficult to tell him about it. I looked back slowly. Is it that I just want to avoid him because I am shy now, is it because I have done something I regret and it is difficult to get back on track, or do I want to deny what happened that day.


    It was all bad. The more I thought about it, the more I sighed. These mistakes were getting bigger. When reason works, it doesn¡¯t make many regrets, but instinct doesn¡¯t work that way.


    I wonder how much older I will be and how many failures I will have to go through before I can control myself. Did you say that even Confucius is 70 years old, even if he lives as he pleases, and does not break the law? I¡¯m short for a while. Even if you can¡¯t reach the state of virtue, you have to at least become an adult who can admit mistakes. The adults I thought were perfect as a child weren¡¯t perfect, but they were good at hiding their mistakes.


    My uncle used to take the illegitimate child and raise it with his own hands, but my father didn¡¯t. I know there¡¯s a half-brother out there who gives me a penny and treats me like a total stranger. I don¡¯t have enough face to apologize, I feel sorry for the things I have to pay when a mistake is discovered, and I have a lot of responsibility.


    Small mistakes are covered by lies, and big mistakes are covered by money and power. Or they deceive innocent people or blame others for not making a mistake but saying that was their intention. That¡¯s the way my father lived. I was disillusioned whenever those in authority acted so cunningly. I can¡¯t be the same person. An honest person will at least be willing to expose his mistakes and pay the price.


    Because that house is mine, Il-Jo owes me, because he¡¯s emotionally weak to me, so I¡¯ll be patient. If I leave this incident alone and move on to something like that never happened, I may feel at ease for a moment, but I am using my authority cunningly. Let¡¯s just admit it and apologize.


    As soon as I made up my mind, I started the car. When I got home, it was a little past 10. Inside the dark house, light was leaking out from inside the room of Il-Jo. Soon there was the sound of footsteps coming from inside the door, and the sound of the door opening. Il-Jo came out of the room and greeted me with only his eyes again. ¡°You came¡± I was relieved without knowing it.


    I felt a little grateful for the guy who had been hurt by my actions to act like he used to. ¡°I haven¡¯t eaten dinner. Come here.¡±


    ¡°I already ate.¡± Even with that said, Il-Jo followed me. I know how bad he usually eats alone. And when I bought him food, he never refused, saying ¡®I¡¯m full¡¯ or ¡®I¡¯ve already eaten¡¯. There was a high possibility that he wasn¡¯t properly eating three meals a day. While I was hanging my clothes and washing my hands, Il-Jo prepared the food I had bought plausibly.


    And I brought a bottle of champagne from the cellar. Actually, I had no thought of eating because I had a big dinner with Manager Song. Packed food was always a bait to provoke Il-Jo, so I was thinking of making my own meals in moderation with a side dish. Buying for only one person is too much like ¡®I bought this for you to eat¡¯.


    As I opened the champagne stopper and sat down, ¡°Why are you looking at me like that?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Did you tell me I was drunk?¡±


    ¡°When did I.¡±


    ¡°You basically have it written on your forehead right now.¡± Instead of refusing to refute, Il-Jo avoided my gaze. Every time he notice that I¡¯m observing his expression, Il-Jo¡¯s auricles turn red. I still don¡¯t feel like the fact that I bit that ear. A drunken lyricist takes care of accidents, and I take care of the repairs. While eating, we only avoided talking about the day¡¯s drinking party. It was proof that each other was very conscious of that day. In the end, I procrastinated. I opened my mouth as the late night meal was over.


    ¡°I remembered.¡±


    Even though it was a nonsensical statement completely out of context, Il-Jo immediately seemed to understand what it meant. The sound of food that had not yet been swallowed was gurgling through his throat. ¡°You, you, do you remember?¡± I nodded.


    ¡°Sorry. It was completely absurd.¡±


    ¡°No, no¡­ .¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t intentionally pretend I didn¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t really remember until you asked.¡± As I sighed, the atmosphere on the table cooled. All of a sudden, Il-Jo had put down the chopsticks he was eating. It seems that the nervous heartbeat of the guy sitting over the table can be heard all the way up to here. Now it was time for me to say the real self-defeating words. ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking about why I did that.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°My desires seems to have piled up. I probably thought you were woman.¡± And then came the suffocating silence. I was going to add a joke if Il-Jo smiles after me as usual.


    Why is the nape of his neck so white? But Il-Jo¡¯s face was not very good. The boy looked like he was about to pretend to be fine again. Reading the atmosphere, I lowered my gaze instead of joking around. ¡°It¡¯s pathetic right? I¡¯d problably deserve it if you slapped me.¡±


    Il-Jo had repeatedly said that he was confused because he was stupid. But looking back on the lost memories, it was none other than me who confused him. Now the situation has become suffocatingly uncomfortable. Perhaps I wanted to avoid this moment because I knew that Il-Jo would be shocked by what I said frankly. Because I knew he would make that kind of expression instead of laughing lightly. And the reason you can¡¯t take it as a joke is probably because you like me too much. Il-Jo would have wanted to be mistaken for even a moment before I told him clearly. Hoping to have some interest and curiosity in me. But it is not good to hold such expectations for a long time. ¡°And there is one thing I lied to you. I don¡¯t have a girlfriend. Something went wrong that day.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry for deceiving you. It was because I didn¡¯t want to distance myself from you, but I went too far. Anyway, I guess that¡¯s how it was that day.¡±


    Here¡¯s what I¡¯ve prepared. Now, all that remains is for Il-Jo to report me as a molester.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t have to tell me that.¡± Il-Jo¡¯s voice sounded dull at first glance. But I could feel resentment and regret dripping from the end of the guy¡¯s words. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me, just leave me alone. I know it all.¡±


    The eyes of Il-Jo, who looked at me with gentle eyes, twinkled. Perhaps it was because of the thin film of tears that covered the pupils.


    ¡°Ah¡­ sorry.¡± As soon as I saw the guy¡¯s face, an apology came out reflexively. As soon as I saw Il-Jo¡¯s expression, I realized it. We weren¡¯t getting better. I thought Il-Jo was getting better than ever.


    He looked at me less than the first time, talked to me more often, and now he feels comfortable in my home, so I thought that his love for me had become quite dull. I let myself go, thinking that our relationship was returning to the realm of cousins. It wasn¡¯t at all. Il-Jo¡¯s heart was rather deep.


    ¡°¡­ If you have anything you want to say, do it. I will listen to you today.¡± At my words, Il-Jo bowed his head. I thought tears would fall on the table¡­ There was no such thing. After he had been restless for a while, the red energy around his eyes disappeared, and then he opened his mouth. I wondered if he would tell me that he likes me for the first and last time. Because Il-Jo is the type of person who can¡¯t stand the words he wants to say. However, with a trembling voice, Il-Jo said something completely unexpected. ¡°Me too, I want to quit.¡±


    ¡°¡­yes.¡±


    ¡°I know you only like women. You also probably think i¡¯m pathetic. Your expression when I secretly kissed you¡­ I still remember.¡± In that way, Il-Jo lined up the words he wanted to say without hesitation. ¡°I Always think about you. Because I like you. You don¡¯t remember how you looked at me. You can forget a lot, but I¡¯m not.  I remember everything because i like you. Because I don¡¯t want to do what you hate. Every time you put on a tired face, I try not to do the same thing. Also, I try to give up. Every day, every morning when I wake up, I wake up thinking that I wish I liked him less than I did yesterday. I fall in love quickly, but sometimes it ends quickly, so I think every day that liking you is the shortest time of my life¡¯s unrequited love.¡±


    He wiped away his tears as I stared at him, who was talking without realism. It was as if standing behind Seo Jeong-han, who was looking at Lee Il-jo, and watching the two people in the play. How did we get to this point? I tried to dissuade Il-Jo, but he already knew too well what he had to do.


    ¡°Il-Jo ya¡±


    When I called his name affectionately, Il-Jo shuddered. The more I treat you kindly, the more fearful I am, but I don¡¯t know. ¡°¡­ Why.¡±


    ¡°Then what shall I do?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°How can I help you get rid of these feelings sooner?¡±


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    Il-Jo blinked at my words. ¡°Shall we live separately? I¡¯ll lend you the deposit. Pay off your debts slowly¡­ No, it¡¯s okay if you don¡¯t pay it at all. Wouldn¡¯t it be better if we didn¡¯t see their faces at all?¡±


    Il-Jo shook his head at those words. A cry that was forcibly suppressed came out of his bowed head. ¡°I hate that.¡± Il-Jo sobbed and muttered a little. Even though it¡¯s so painful, it seems that you still don¡¯t want to spread up with me.


    ¡°Why are you crying so often?¡± I asked with a grin, Il-Jo clenched his teeth and answered. ¡°I don¡¯t usually cry.¡± Lie. Even at the funeral and in front of me, you already cried many times. Il-Jo protested, knowing that I didn¡¯t believe him.


    ¡°Really. It¡¯s because it¡¯s so hard to like you.¡±


    ¡°Yes. You must have been upset.¡± Saying that, I wiped Il-Jo¡¯s wet cheeks with my fingers. His cheeks were soft. As soon as he felt it, his outstretched hand stopped and stiffened. It was an unconscious action¡­ I clicked my tongue in an awkward feeling.


    This doesn¡¯t mean that Il-Jo keeps getting it wrong. However, the previous action was something of an irresistible force. I feel bad when a stranger¡¯s dog licks me, but it¡¯s okay if it¡¯s my dog. Something about that level of familiarity was ingrained into his body. The tears of Il-Jo on the knuckles were not so inconsequential. Now I really wanted to comfort him.


    ¡°What shall I do?¡±


    ¡°Oh, just don¡¯t do anything. Because everything you¡¯ve done so far backfired¡­ .¡± That meant that even if I lied about having a girlfriend or acted like a stepmother swearing at Cinderella, he would love me even more. Being overly honest. I said with a smirk. ¡°I really want to help.¡±


    Then he raised his head and looked into my eyes for a while. And my sincerity that I want him to stop crying has probably been conveyed safely. Il-Jo stopped the tears and opened his mouth slightly.


    ¡°You can tell me.¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Really.¡± I comforted him again, but after a while, Il-Jo shook his clasped hands and said. The only thing you really want. ¡°Then, give me a kiss, just once.¡± He asked quietly.


    ¡°Are you sure that¡¯s enough?¡±


    ¡°¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Is that really enough?¡± Il-Jo licked his lips and shut his mouth completely without saying anything. He doesn¡¯t seem to have the courage to try harder. Ask me to kiss him. Then the shape of his lips caught my eye. The upper lip is slightly raised and thick, so rather than being stubborn when you keep your mouth shut, it is rather cute and fresh like a bird¡¯s beak. Since he doesn¡¯t have any hand cream, he probably won¡¯t even use lip balm, but the surface was smooth. Just one kiss, there¡¯s no reason not to listen.


    The reason I want to get a confirmation before that is because the request was too simplistic. So far, people who have needed my help have usually responded in two ways when asked to talk about their desires. Either they openly express their hopes that are too large to be realized at all, or they moderately reduce their desires because they do not want their true desires to be revealed. And in my experience, those who say the latter are the more difficult ones. This is because they want me to read my desires first, and they want me to know in advance and do everything on my side without having to say anything.


    These are just statistics from experience. Besides, the inside is also more insidious and twisted latter on. In this way, it is easy to hear complaints even if the request is granted. Then when you think about why people hide their true desires¡­ . It¡¯s because of pride.


    Anyway, I don¡¯t like situations where people who are in a position to just receive what I give them build their self-esteem. This is not to say that Il-Jo would do such a thing on purpose. There are cases when the heart that is in unrequited love keeps getting hurt and all that¡¯s left is pride. However, the end of the relationship is bound to end in tragedy. I was willing to listen even if Il-Jo wanted the former from me. You can just give and forget about the security deposit for the studio, which Il-Jo has to earn after working for over a year, or close your eyes and hope for something bigger than a kiss¡­ . He shook his head to shake the sudden thought. ¡°Is that really okay?¡±


    Il-Jo nodded. I shrugged my chin and looked at him with narrowed eyes. But before that, there is one unanswered question. ¡°Will that help you like me less?¡± At those words, Il-Jo, who had been watching me with anxious eyes, swallowed the tears that erupted again. Then he shook his head and denounced and criticized me loudly. He seemed angry. ¡°If you don¡¯t want to do that, don¡¯t do it! I didn¡¯t force you to do it.¡±


    ¡°No, that¡¯s not what I mean¡­ .¡±


    ¡°Why do you keep asking? You don¡¯t know how scary you are when you argue like that.¡±


    ¡°Why are you scared of me?¡± Absurd I had no intention of scare you. So should I laugh and say it? at this moment? Then they say there¡¯s no luck anymore. ¡°Anyway, if you don¡¯t want to do it, just say no¡­ I was already very embarrassed.¡±


    It was embarrassing, the tone was strangely impressive. I had become so used to the frivolous language habits of my friends that I had even forgotten that there was an alternate vocabulary for the word ¡®worried¡¯. Come to think of it, I¡¯ve never heard Il-Jo use profanity. ¡°If you want to make fun of me, keep going. That¡¯s all I have to bear with the fact that I fell in love with you,¡± Il-Jo muttered softly.


    He may have said it in small words because he was afraid I would be offended by it, but unfortunately I heard it all. It was an instant when I got up pushing the chair and walked closer to Il-Jo, who wasn¡¯t looking at me. Il-Jp raised his head with fearful eyes. It was when I lowered my head by holding his chin, which was smaller than expected, in one hand.


    ¡°Aaaah!¡±


    ¡°Ugh.¡± Il-Jo suddenly screamed and slapped my cheek. I glanced back at him, rubbing the area between my cheeks and chin, where I was struck with a bewildered feeling. A while ago, Il-Jo, who had swung his arms like a seizure, was like, ¡®Aaaah¡­ .¡¯ He was trembling and making a strange noise.


    ¡°¡­ what are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to hit you¡­ .¡±


    ¡°You were the one who asked me to kiss you!¡± Unable to describe the absurdity, my voice rose without realizing it.


    ¡°When I was forced to do that, you liked me, so why do you treat me as a molester for doing something you ask for?¡± When I screamed, Il-Jo bowed his head and apologized. He was about to get down from the table chair and kneel on the floor. ¡°sorry¡­ sorry. I¡¯m suddenly so surprised. I mean, I knew you wouldn¡¯t. I, I prepare my heart¡­ And I have to brush my teeth¡­ .¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Was that the reason? The tension was relieved by the disappointment. I pointed to the bathroom with my hand. ¡°Then go and do it quickly.¡± Il-Jo looked at me and went into the bathroom. I sighed as I watched the nearby bathroom door close. I was just trying to get rid of it quickly. I thought he would come out soon, but he didn¡¯t come out for a while. As I approached the bathroom, I heard the sound of running water in the shower. It wasn¡¯t funny. What the¡­ what the hell is he imagining? As I said before, when I ask people who need my help to tell them what they want, sometimes they shorten it appropriately because they don¡¯t want their true desires to be revealed.


    Il-Jo may be the case. No, of course not. If you don¡¯t want to sleep with someone you like, try to be there. Anyway, I hope I don¡¯t want Il-Jo to read my desires first and listen to them even if I don¡¯t have to tell them. Because that¡¯s the kind of people I hate the most. I muttered as I stared pitifully at the bathroom door. But if he looks beyond kissing, it¡¯s impossible for me. Just imagining how he would do something to a man who has the same things as me gave me goosebumps. It might be possible if you just look at the face, but imagining it under your underwear is just disgusting.


    Suddenly I felt overly calm, I quickly emptied the remaining half a bottle of champagne. After two full glasses of wine, the bottle ran out. Shortly thereafter, Il-Jo came out of the bathroom, with his hair wet. Did you really just take a bath for a kiss? After washing his  hair so beautifully, his hair is tangled like a dog wiping wet hair. I pointed the sofa to Il-Jo, who was standing by the door and staring at me. ¡°Go over there and sit down.¡± Perhaps because what I was just trying to get rid of became something that required ¡®preparation of the mind¡¯ due to the boy¡¯s arrest, suddenly it began to become a burden to me as well.


    As I told him, Il-Jo, who had been sitting on the sofa in a tense posture, suddenly lit a candle on the table. ¡°Why are you lighting that?¡± The living room was already lit as bright as daytime. Il-Jo lights the candle without answering. Soon, the faint light of a candle that you did not know whether it was there or not began to flicker. I think it would be better to turn off the lights for the sake of the mood. But when I turned off the living room lights, Il-Jo prevent me. ¡°Can you just leave it on¡­ .¡±


    Why are you shy?


    After a while, I understood why Il-Jo said that. Because just by sitting next to me and staring at the lips, which is the task at hand, Il-Jo¡¯s ears began to glow pink. Even though he was shy, he glanced at my side face. I want to see your face. Feeling embarrassed, I adjusted my posture and sat next to him. My right thigh and Il-Jo¡¯s left thigh were pressed against each other. I put my hand on the guy¡¯s thigh as he reflexively shrugged.


    Then, this time, he hardens like a stone. ¡°Don¡¯t be too nervous. Then I can¡¯t feel anything.¡± Saying that, I wrapped my arms around Il-Jo¡¯s shoulders. I saw him and I sitting side by side on the screen of the TV that was not turned on. It is necessary to know that the gaze of a person is quite explicit.


    When I thought I wasn¡¯t looking at myself, I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off of my profile. Suddenly, I became curious about seeing him through his eyes. ¡°Lean on me.¡± I gently stroked his shoulder with the hand that was wrapped around him, then stroked the upper arm of his arm. I felt uncomfortable with the shoulders clearly wider than the women I had been accustomed to caressing, and the rigidity of the skeleton, which is hard to explain, but I soon got used to it too.


    Apparently, a bottle of champagne is helping me properly. Il-Jo soon became soft like melted cotton candy and leaned against me. Now, not only his ears but also the nape of his neck was burning red. The cold water from his wet hair and the heat from his hot cheeks spread from the shoulder he leaned against as if he was burying his head. When I looked down, the two dotted dots on the back of his neck were still clearly visible. I quietly bowed my head, sliding my lips over the dots. ¡°Oh¡­ .¡± Il-Jo trembled in surprise, not knowing that my lips would touch that first before kissing.


    I grabbed the arm and shoulder of the guy who was unconsciously struggling to get away. Il-Jo took a deep breath while trembling. You only have this much? He must have been unaccustomed to receiving expressions of affection. You¡¯ve never been in a relationship, you¡¯ve never been caressed like this?


    It was like a chimney to make fun of me, but I decided to put it off for later. It seems that he is weak against the atmosphere. ¡°Look up.¡± As I muttered with my lips on the back of his neck, Il-Jo moaned and raised his head as instructed. I kissed him, my lips naturally fell on the soft skin under his ears, the high bone of his long, slender neck, and then to the jawline. When I finally raised my head to face him, Il-Jo avoided my gaze.


    ¡°Don¡¯t put out the fire.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yes.¡±


    ¡°You have to look me in the eyes.¡±


    A transparent film of water covered Il-Jo¡¯s eyes, the clear sclera. I was reflected in the black eyes inside. The moment our lips touched, Il-Jo trembled in my arms.


    I, who had already guessed it, hugged his back tighter. I could feel his heart beating in my arms. With a pulsating pulse like someone who had just finished sprinting, I felt like I had done something better than a UNICEF sponsorship with just one kiss.


    When I dug into the lips, which were much softer than expected, a softer tongue was hidden inside. I gently bit his lower lip and sucked it with light pressure. I even scratched the roof of his mouth after touching his tender tongue. Each time, while trembling, Il-Jo opened his mouth to match my slow progress.


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    Il-Jo was not good at kissing. The guy¡¯s tongue was hard, but still weak to stimulation, he shed a moan that he couldn¡¯t swallow at times, and eventually fell back on the sofa because he didn¡¯t have the strength to control his back. How did such a clumsy guy have the courage to say, ¡®Kiss me just once.¡¯ I opened my eyes when the wet lips that were touching and falling apart made a sound. Il-Jo had his eyes open. He probably didn¡¯t close his eyes for even a moment. ¡°I¡¯m good at kissing, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­¡± Il-Jo answered with no regrets. The guy¡¯s eyes were drenched in the afterglow of the hazy after a long kiss. It feels like we love each other very dearly. The reason of the body is so scary is because of this hypnotic feeling. I understand the aftertaste.


    So I let Il-Jo courageously raise his hand and trace my drooping bangs and eyebrow bones. ¡°Thank you, I will remember for the rest of my life.¡± I was a little surprised at the unexpected words of Il-Jo. Even while drunk on the aftertaste, Il-Jo did not forget the meaning of this kiss.