《Otherworldly Anarchist [Book 2 Stubbing April 19th]》


 Chapter 1 - New Life

    I feel a sudden, sharp, and all-consuming cold like I have been thrown into a bath of ice water. My eyes shoot open, and I gasp as I abruptly sit up in bed, only to be greeted by my mother''s screaming. Wait, my mother? Something about that thought feels wrong like sitting in a familiar chair only to discover a leg has been shortened and it wobbles underneath me.

    "You''re okay... she''s okay!" My mind is brought back to the present as a familiar... well, a voice breaks the moment of silence following my mother''s scream. I am in bed, my nightgown and sheets drenched through with sweat. Surrounding me are a group of startled, red-eyed faces. My mom, dad, and three older brothers crowd around my bed before mom bursts forward, wrapping her arms around me and sobbing into my neck.

    "By the Collector, Lily, we thought we had lost you!" she moans out through sobs. Lily? Oh, that''s right, for Lillith. Did I just forget my own name? How could I forget my name is Ann- wait, Lillith. What is going on?

    "What is going on?" I ask, only to be met by more confused faces.

    "What did you say, Lil?" my oldest brother, Gilbert, asks, concern returning to his face.

    "I said, what''s-" Oh, that''s right, I am speaking English. My family doesn''t speak English; I need to... at that realization, something clicks in my brain. There is something like surface tension in my mind, a thin barrier dividing memories of my two lives from each other, and at the moment it breaks; I am completely submerged in the memories of Annie Beckett. A grad student in Chicago with a master''s in biology and minors in math and applied physics. Annie, or rather I, had been both a PhD student and a teacher at my university.

    Then when I had gone to confront... that''s right, I had died. At twenty-seven. At the same time my recent memories as Lillith are becoming more clear. I had been sick with what I now realize is most likely pneumonia. My family is here to say goodbye; at only seven years old, I had died as Lilith as well, but... here I am. Both Annie and Lillith''s memories are intact. I don''t even feel sick anymore, other than being exhausted.

    "LILLITH!" Dad shouts, and I realize my family has been talking to me as I sort through my two lives.

    "S-sorry dad, mom. I''m just feeling a bit disoriented. I''m okay," I say, making sure to use the correct language this time.

    Yet again, I watch panicked faces fade to relief, except for my father, who looks slightly confused for a moment. I realize at some point my mom has stopped hugging me, and my dad has started shaking me.

    "Don''t scare us like that, sweetheart!" My mom scolds me, while my brothers compete to talk over each other.

    "Lily, I am so glad you are okay," from Henry, while Edward calls me a little brat, and Gilbert tries to ask if I need anything.

    "Let''s give her some space with Mom," Dad tells my brothers. "We are only confusing her more, and she needs to clean up. Let''s go fetch the doctor, see if we can''t make sense of all this."

    "You know how she is dad, she wants us here!" Ed tries to argue, but Dad grabs him by the ear and pulls him out as Henry and Gil follow. I feel a pang of regret as my brothers leave. My entire life, this life, I have looked up to and emulated my brothers. I love and trust each of them deeply, and all three take pride in me as well. I can see that they are just as upset about leaving as I am as they depart.

    "We''ll be back soon!" Gilbert calls into the room as my father pushes him out the door. I feel a sadness that had taken root deep inside me begin to melt away. This was the sorrow and resignation of a child facing their mortality. But I am safe. I am safe and I am surrounded by people I love, who love me just as much.

    At the same time a new sadness, Annie''s grief, settles into my heart. The sterile coldness with which my old parents regarded me. The friends I had lost. The lifetime of injustice that had weighed down on my shoulders and tried to crush me into the pavement beneath it. This sorrow enveloped me like a familiar friend, a companion I knew like my own soul. Unlike the fear I''d had in the face of death as a young child, this felt as important to me as the woman in front of me, the woman I loved as my mother.

    After a moment of silence, my mom and I try to speak at the same time, my "I''m sorry, Mom, I didn''t mean to scare you!" clashing with her "Lily, I can''t believe you are still with us!" before another moment of awkward silence. More like sisters than mother and daughter, we both burst into tears at the same time and embrace each other.

    "I''m okay mom! I''m really okay, I promise," I sob into her shoulder, and she sobs into mine. We hold each other for an eternity and a single breath, letting all the emotions we had been holding back for weeks pour out of us.

    "Uh, Dad''s right, Mom. I could really use a hot bath," I say, finally pulling free from my mother''s tender embrace.

    "R-right, yes, of course, dear, you must be desperate to wash that sweat off. I suppose we can spare the wood to heat a kettle of water," she replies, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. Before she goes to refill the water, I''m suddenly pulled into another hug. "I love you so much, Lily. I''m so glad we still have you," she whispers in my ear before pulling herself away from me and leaving to boil water.

    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

    I look around the room for a mirror but find nothing. My mom is quite pretty, but I realize I''m not really sure what I look like, aside from knowing my hair is long and black like hers. It''s quite greasy too; I''m going to need to find a way to remedy that.

    I begin trying to sort through my emotions. Having the lives of two women in your head can be confusing, and I can feel overcome with a need to act that I had never known as Lillith. A few minutes later, while I work through this, I hear raised voices outside my room and press my ear to the door.

    "She''s ALIVE, Richard! Just take that as the blessing it is!" I hear my mom scolding my dad.

    "I am, Joan, I am so relieved it feels hard to breathe!" he responds quickly, "I''m just remarking that something was a little off..."

    She snaps back, "What''s off? What is off about our little girl coming back to us after she had already stopped breathing? All I see is a miracle."

    "I know, Joan. I know, and I agree, but weren''t you listening to her? I don''t know what she was trying to say when she first woke up, but were you listening to her after that? Have you ever heard her speak so clearly? ''I''m just feeling a bit disoriented''? Where did she even learn that word? She sounds like a noble!" explains my father, "I just want to make sure everything is okay with her. Just let the doctor look at her again."

    "Richard, for the last weeks you have been completely absent. Our daughter was dying and you left me alone."

    "I have been right here, I didn''t leave you alone!"

    "You were here physically, fine but make no mistake, I was alone. You gave up on her so fast I didn''t even notice I was leaving you behind."

    "That''s not fair, you know that''s not fair! I''m responsible for this family! I have other things to worry about, I can''t just stay here with her all day!"

    "What''s not fair Richard, is you being absent for our dying daughter, then coming to me with this shit when we are given a miracle. You couldn''t be bothered to worry about her until she started using big words? Please."

    "I just don''t want it to be a false hope. I just want to make sure. Joan, can''t you understand that?"

    "Fine," I hear my mother''s brusque reply. "But you will have to work extra just to have the doctor tell you what I already have. The Collector had mercy on our little Lily, and she is going to be okay."

    I pull away from the door feeling like a cocktail of emotions. In retrospect, my dad hadn''t come to comfort me once while I was sick. Not one story for a dying child, not one word of comfort. Only my mom and brothers had visited me. My heart sinks realizing my relationship with my father is going to be burdened in this life as well. At least my mom hasn''t rejected me in this life... yet.

    I also feel like an idiot. I am seven years old. I need to act like it. I''m not sure how I''ll handle my new memories of being Annie, but I''m not going to tell anyone about them. I don''t know much about where I am, what religions are practiced, or what level science is at, other than not far.

    I don''t want to tell my parents I''m a twenty-seven-year-old grad student and get sent to some priest to be exorcised or any other dumb shit like that. Or am I thirty-four? Did my seven years as Lillith count? Well, whatever, I need to be seven for now.

    I sigh as my mother returns with a bucket of steaming water and a sponge. I should have known there wasn''t going to be a real bath.

    "Let''s get you out of that nightgown, sweetheart," Mom says as she starts pulling it up over my head. I don''t resist, and she starts gently cleaning the sick and sweat off with the warm sponge. She turns me away from her and I can tell she is trying to hide her flushed face and chest. My heart breaks as I recognize a woman hiding her unhappiness from her children. The least I can do is pretend I didn''t notice.

    "I don''t sup-" I start before remembering my earlier mistake, "um, mommy, can I use soap?" It''s not the best impression of a seven-year-old ever, but it''s not exactly something I had practiced. It seems when it comes to mentality, Annie is winning out. I can''t slip back into the mind of a child like I was never an adult.

    She laughs, "Soap? Hot water is luxury enough, Lily, if you want more than that, marry a nobleman!" This confuses me a bit, as I don''t think soap should be that hard to make, although I never learned how myself. I wish I had been more interested in making my own hygiene and food products in my last life, but I had friends to help me with that and I just didn''t find it that interesting. I''m fairly certain it was even available in medieval times, if I remember correctly. I am going to have to investigate why it''s treated as a luxury at some point.

    As she''s chuckling, I am distracted by a more concerning thought. The divide between my original mother and I had started with a similar harmless joke. My parents and I didn''t speak in my past life. For years leading up to my death I wasn''t welcome at holidays and neither of us so much as called the other. Here, with a new opportunity at life and another chance to do things right, I have been given another set of parents I love. I have a cocktail of mixed emotions and worries about this and the small part of me that''s excited to be a proper member of a family again dies a little at the memory. It''s not my first concern, however, and I decide to worry about that later. At least Mom is feeling better again.

    I pout to myself, but I let my mom finish bathing me and put me in a clean nightgown. The doctor does come to examine me, and she is just as astounded by my recovery as my family had been. She gives me a clean bill of health, which seems to ease my father''s concerns to an extent, if not the tension between him and my mother.

    I sigh as I lay down for bed that night. Partially because my mind is moving a mile a minute; my stomach feels like I''m on the rise of a roller coaster, just before the fall. Living as a woman in 21st-century America had more than a few challenges. Here? I have a lot to worry about and a lot to prepare for. Also, partially because I miss my expensive mattress, truly a tragic loss.

    I wonder how advanced math and science even are here. God, I hope I''ll be able to pursue a similar career in this life. I just want to learn. Maybe there will be some interesting flora and fauna around I hadn''t gotten to study before. With these thoughts chasing each other around my head, it''s several hours before I fall asleep that night.

 Chapter 2 - Step One: Learn

    I settle in with greater ease than I expected. Part of me, the Annie part, feels like I''m intruding on a family as a stranger. But it isn''t like that at all. I, Lillith, have grown up in this family. These are my parents, my brothers, and this is my life.

    In other words, I don''t have to settle in at all. There are adjustments I have to make; Annie has experienced many things Lillith has not. My father is a town guard. This occupation is bound to cause no small amount of friction in our relationship moving forward, considering how I had died in my previous life.

    I also lack some of the puppy-dog admiration I previously held for my brothers. Where a seven-year-old might want to be just like her brothers growing up, a grown woman isn''t nearly as impressed with the antics of children. This seems to hit Edward particularly hard as I fail to pretend I am impressed with his jokes and education. I still feel warm and excited whenever I see them, however. It feels really good to have a family again.

    This isn''t the only change in my mentality. The last seven years of both lives feel like they have happened simultaneously, and I find myself no more attached to one than the other. My life experience has advanced by twenty-seven years in a single night; my outlook on life and ultimate goals face an abrupt shift with the recovery of my memories.

    A fire danced beneath my skin when I was Annie, guiding my hands with the same wild and urgent intensity any fire has. I now have that same fire to contend with but in the body of a seven-year-old child.

    I allow the weeks to pass, letting my family drift back to our familiar regimen before I got sick. I don''t play with my brothers as much, but I love spending time with them. Henry seems to understand to an extent that the experience changed me. Edward doesn''t and his attempts to regain the wide-eyed admiration of his little sister escalate over time. Gilbert? Gilbert doesn''t notice a change one way or another. There is something loveable about his obliviousness.

    At the same time, I learn what I can about this world. As Lillith, I hadn''t understood nearly enough but can now build a clearer picture. I am not on Earth. I had briefly entertained the idea of time travel until I failed to find any familiar constellations or celestial bodies in the night sky.

    Some things are familiar, however, as the all-too-familiar stains of corruption and power paint every corner of this city. I clearly live under a monarchy now, and nobles enjoy all the pleasures and benefits a boot on the necks of their fellow men provides. My muscles ache with nervous anxiety the more I learn and the more certain I become that this life is going to be no less violent than my last.

    Currently, I am a seven-year-old girl. The change I can effect in my current state is... negligible, to say the least. With that in mind, the only thing to do is to learn. The first step is to learn to read. Unsurprisingly, a seven-year-old in medieval culture doesn''t know her letters yet.

    A few weeks after my reincarnation, I approach my father.

    "Dad, can you teach me to read?" I ask, putting on my best hopeful little girl face.

    At first, he seems exasperated that I am bothering him, but this idea shifts his demeanor to one of amusement and he answers me through laughter. "Now what in the world does a kid your age need to read for?"

    "What makes you think he even knows how?" Gilbert helpfully interjects, causing a flash of anger to race across my father''s face. Gilbert doesn''t notice this but I decide it would be best to move the conversation past it.

    "He guards the town, he probably has to read important messages and stuff before letting people inside, right Dad?" I respond, holding off a scowl.

    "That''s right, sweetheart, you are a smart one, aren''t you!" Dad replies while pinching my cheek. "But you are much too young for something so complicated, why don''t you work on sewing with your mom?"

    At this, the scowl escapes, not to be restrained in the face of so many indignities.

    "You look confused; he means you are too dumb to read!" Edward chimes in to my annoyance. Recently his attempts to recapture my childish hero worship have devolved into teasing and occasionally bullying.

    "Am I too dumb to read, or are you just mad that you couldn''t learn?"

    "Hmm, nope, definitely too dumb. Which is a shame since you are so ugly too!"

    I am preparing to find a place for my knee just south of his belt when Henry interrupts the argument, "Come on, Dad, it won''t hurt anything. I''ll teach her the letters in the evenings after my chores."

    "I suppose you are right, just don''t be too disappointed if you don''t get it, okay sweetie?" Dad condescends, rolling his eyes.

    "I won''t! Thank you Henry, I''m so glad I have one single good brother!" I exclaim before sticking my tongue out at Ed and Gil.

    <hr>

    "W-what the... Lily?" Henry splutters, astonished at my work. "How are you picking this up so fast?"

    "Oh, I don''t know, letters are fun!" I giggle back while writing ''Edward is a dummy'' in the dirt. I feel amused and a little proud, which is a bit childish since I have a clear advantage.

    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

    He has been teaching me the alphabet for about a week, and I already have a pretty good idea of how to use it. Now that I have memorized each symbol and its sound, I can sound out most words pretty much immediately.

    As in any language, there are a myriad of exceptions and modifying rules I have yet to master, but these are edge cases I don''t need to worry about immediately. Even being taught with sticks in the dirt, I am able to read and write extremely quickly, which explains Henry''s shock.

    "I didn''t even teach you how this worked, but you can already write full sentences?"

    "I''m not dumb like Ed! This is easy!"

    "Well, don''t get ahead of yourself, you still have to learn punctuation and grammar, as well as a bunch of other rules. It''ll take at least a year for that!"

    <hr>

    It turns out that if you already speak a language with native fluency, learning the writing system is not a herculean task. A month later, I have surpassed Henry, and likely my father, in reading ability. It is time for step two and another request for my dad.

    "Dad, is there a place I can read books?" I ask, this time making sure Gil and Ed aren''t around to derail the conversation.

    "Sweetheart, I know Henry is teaching you your letters but..." he starts before Henry cuts him off.

    "I was, but the little genius already reads better than I do!"

    "What? Really?? It took me over a year to learn..." Dad starts before beginning to blush and clearing his throat. "Er- I mean, that''s really impressive Lily, but books are expensive. I don''t know if we can afford that..."

    "Is there a store that sells them? I just want to look around! Please please please please!" I begin begging him the same way I always had before I got sick. I push down the embarrassment that accompanies speaking like this. I don''t know how long I can keep the little kid persona up.

    "Well, there is a bookstore run by that old mage, but really only nobles-"

    "Can we go there? Please Dad? I just- wait, mage?" I stop as my brain catches up to what he said.

    He gets a sharp look of irritation on his face at the interruption before answering me. "Yes, Lily, a mage is a noble who casts magic spells for the king."

    "Magic spells?" I feel frozen, like the moments between sleep and wakefulness before you have control of your body. How had I missed something like this, magic exists in this world? I race through my memories but find no magic being used. I have to investigate.

    "Well, now you HAVE to take me Dad! Books and magic? Pleeeeaase??" I beg.

    "I know honey, but like I was saying, nobles are the only ones who can afford to shop there, I''m sorry."

    "We don''t have to buy anything, I just want to see, and I want to meet the magic man!"

    My father looks at me for a long moment before finally replying. "Tell you what Lily, I''ll make you a deal. I will take you there, but you have to stop avoiding sewing with your mom. AND you have to put effort into learning it!"

    I groan inwardly; sewing is not my favorite pastime, but it isn''t a useless skill either, so I suppose I can learn it. "Okay Dad, I promise."

    He smiles brightly at my concession and agrees to take me the next time he visits the shopping district.

    <hr>

    I cough as I enter Godfrey''s Book Store with my father. A thick layer of dust smothers the disorganized piles of books and scrolls, and we leave footprints in it as we walk in. It seems this store doesn''t experience abundant traffic.

    "Lord Godfrey?" My dad calls into the quiet of the store. "I''m sorry to bother you, do you have a free moment?"

    At that, the back of the store echoes with the sound of shattering glass, followed by what is clearly a stack of books collapsing. An old man emerges with a surprisingly pleasant look on his face and a book in his arm.

    "Oh, what a pleasant surprise! Who might you be, child?" He exclaims, either addressing me first or addressing my father like a little girl. Either option endears him to me a little.

    "My name is Rich-" my father starts before I cut him off, drawing another irritated glare.

    "I am Lillith, pleased to meet you, Mr. Godfrey."

    "You should refer to him as Lord Godfrey, not Mister. Mages are nobles, Lily, and they must be addressed as such," my father reprimands.

    "It''s quite alright, sir," Godfrey responds as I smile innocently. "You can call me Uncle Godfrey if you like. Now, what can I help you with?"

    "Lily recently learned to read. I told her we couldn''t afford any books, but she was insistent on seeing where they were sold. She also wanted to meet a mage," Dad says.

    "Is that right, Miss Lillith? You are awfully young to be reading. Can you tell me what this says?" Godfrey asks, gesturing at the spine of the book he is carrying. My father smirks at this and I realize he doesn''t quite believe Henry about my abilities.

    I laugh as I glance at it and reply through chuckles, "A Magician''s Melancholy: A Fantastical Story of Love, Lust, and Betrayal."

    Godfrey blushes a little as he realizes I can, in fact, read. "Right, well, I was just preparing to put this away; it was a special order for a customer, you see," he explains before pushing his bookmark into the book and tucking it away in his cloak.

    "Of course, how kind of you to show such personal care for their order!" I say, grinning. This causes confusion to wrap my father''s face as I drop the seven-year-old act for a moment. I curse inwardly, but the persona isn''t going to help me much in my current goal.

    "Right, right, of course. In any case, I''m afraid your father is correct, little Miss, I don''t believe you''ll be able to afford any of my wares."

    I stand as tall as I can and announce, "I would like a job!"

    "What?" Dad and Godfrey chorus, their voices reflecting shock and amusement respectively.

    "I would like to work here. I can clean, organize, and handle customers. In return, I would simply like permission to read some of the books."

    "Lillith Dear, you are a bit young to be selling books to noblemen," Dad says, clearly a bit embarrassed and very exasperated, but Godfrey''s mirth is peppered with contemplation.

    "Tell you what, tell me how you would organize this mess, and maybe I''ll give you a shot," he says, to my father''s astonishment.

    It is a universal constant that small business owners will exploit free labor any time it is offered, regardless of the source. I know I have him on the hook.

    "Well, I would begin by separating every work into one of 10 categories and give each a range of 100..." I begin before explaining the Dewey Decimal System to him. I replace technology with magic, but it is clear he is interested. I even see calculation enter his eyes as he realizes I have something real to offer. Equally clear is that my father is flabbergasted.

    At the end of the day, I have a job lined up and knowledge within my grasp. In one stack of books near the back of the store, I spot a spine that says "Introduction to the Magical Arts." Initially, I was going to focus on history and government, but if magic is real, learning about it is priority number one.

 Chapter 3 - Mana, Math, and Mistakes

    "Have you ever heard of a broom, old man?" I shout into the back of the shop while sweeping up another shattered glass he has left on the floor.

    "I am far too busy with more important work to worry about trivial things like that!" Godfrey retorts, injecting all the haughtiness he can manage in a shouted reply.

    I smirk to myself. "Reading smut is not ''important work'' and I know you are not doing it for a customer, so don''t try it!"

    "Lillith child, you are too young to know what ''smut'' even is. I am researching the latest literature by the finest artists on the continent!"

    "I''m old enough to know fine art doesn''t make your face so red nor your pants so often in need of adjustment!"

    With my final jab, Godfrey storms into the front of the shop, an indignant look decorating his face and I do a victory lap in my head while bracing myself for retribution. His demeanor quickly reverts to the wisened old wizard''s facade he likes to present to the public as the bell at the front door jingles and my victory is complete.

    I have been working for Godfrey for six months now, and we have built a much more familiar rapport. I have abandoned all attempts to sound like a seven-year-old around him, and he doesn''t seem to notice. I deliberated whether to try at all or not, but ultimately decided it would hurt my goals more than help. We get along as well as can be expected, and can exchange good-natured banter to a point, but his temper will boil over at certain things like it very nearly did a moment ago.

    It''s far from perfect, however, as he remains a noble. He has me working for free despite his wealth, and he can''t help but condescend to me. These friendly exchanges keep work amiable but are always punctuated by a reminder that I am at best an amusement and at worst a tool to him.

    His shop is clean and organized, one could even call it presentable, and customers are beginning to be a somewhat regular sight, thanks to me. Those thanks are entirely metaphorical, however, as he has not actually expressed any gratitude.

    I turn my attention to the customers that have just entered the shop. "Welcome to Godfrey''s, how can we help you today?" I ask politely as a well-dressed man and his son walk in.

    The man just scoffs and addresses Godfrey directly, "I am looking for a journal for my wife, a gift. Do you have anything like that Godfrey?"

    "Certainly, Walter, let me show you my reserved collection in the back..." Godfrey responds while leading the man, Walter apparently, into the back of the shop. He leaves his son behind without a word, so I suppose this is a familiar routine for them.

    "What are you doing here?" The boy sneers at me.

    I pause to look down at the broom in my hands, then respond, "Making a tapestry."

    "My father says Godfrey shouldn''t have hired a dirty commoner to work here."

    "Is that so?" I respond wearily.

    "He says we only came here because we were in a rush, but no one will want to buy books from a dirty little girl!"

    "Your father sounds like a real noble man, kid."

    "Of course he''s a nobleman, can''t you tell? And I''m not a kid, you''re a kid! He''s right, you are an idiot girl."

    "Yes, well, we all have our weaknesses."

    "So?" he asks, looking at me like I''ve forgotten something.

    "So what?"

    "So what are you doing here, stupid? You are a burden on your betters!"

    "Burdening, I guess." I shrug as I go back to sweeping. We might look the same age, but letting a kid get under my skin is... beneath me.

    "What''s that supposed to mean?" he asks, but his father returns before I can respond.

    "Come along, Hugh, don''t talk to the uh... help," he says, wrinkling his nose at me. "Godfrey, you really must get rid of the little urchin. If you hadn''t re-organized this shop, no one would bother coming in at all."

    "Oh, take your little snot and go meet your wife, Walter, I have important work to do," Godfrey scoffs while waving him off.

    "Well, it''s not my business I suppose. Feel free to ruin your reputation." With that, Walter and his son storm out of the shop, and I let out my barely contained laughter.

    "Real gems those two," I say. "Really a shining example of nobility."

    Godfrey smirks at me and dismisses, "Pay them no mind, Lillith, now if you''ll excuse me..." he says, waving me off. I realize he probably views those nobles and me as roughly the same, which makes me wonder what his noble rank actually is.

    <hr>

    I return home and do my chores for the evening. Tonight is the night. I have everything prepared.

    I have been studying magic for the past six months, and I have a good grasp of the concept now. It is well known only nobles are mages, but it turns out the reason for this is twofold. Firstly, the few commoners who awaken magic are granted nobles'' titles. Secondly, magic can be earned one of two ways, through education or genetics.

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    Magic is introduced to the body through the use of magic circles. A prospective mage draws a large and intricate circle on the ground and needs to wait at the center while magical energy, or mana, of different essences, is gathered from the environment.

    The process usually takes several weeks, and the mage can''t leave the circle before the energy takes root in their bodies or it will dissipate. After this, the mage has a moderate amount of mana, but can''t repeat the process. Magic is passed down, however, and their children can draw their own magic circles. In this way, magical ability grows in families over generations, and even if a commoner does learn the method to gain power, they will be extremely weak in comparison to established nobles.

    In other words, for a commoner to become a mage, they need weeks of free time as well as resources to keep themselves fed and cared for while they gather mana. This is for the few commoners with the level of education necessary to understand the workings of magic circles well enough to design one.

    No pre-existing designs are published, with every family guarding their designs jealously. With all these factors together, it is essentially out of reach for a commoner to become a mage. In some rare cases, however, someone from a mundane family is born with a high level of mana already. These are the commoners elevated to nobility.

    I am not one of these lucky souls, but I do have an advantage. Over the months of studying the workings of magic, I begin to recognize patterns. Magic works through the precise combination of attributed mana. Mana in its base state is featureless, but through will, it can be infused with an attribute. These attributes include the obvious like heat, cold, light, and other things typically associated with magic. It can also be infused with less obvious concepts, however, like force, friction, tension, or any other of thousands of different mana attributes.

    A magic spell is essentially a recipe of attributed magic. For example, basic fire magic can be created purely with fire-attributed mana, but will only create a flash and go out. For a long-lasting spell, a mage needs mana with attributes of wood, air, and heat. To throw a fireball, a force attribute has to be added.

    The power, distance, direction, and temperature all depend on how much of each attribute is included in the spell. Most mages do treat this like a recipe, experimenting with quantities and ingredients until they find a result they like. This is likely because math in this world is at basic algebra, with some trigonometry that seems to be mostly relevant to architects.

    With my knowledge in math, physics, and science, however, I have a feeling I could start with the result I want and write an equation to find the values I need. I just need mana.

    This brings me to the magic circles. I only know the basic template, but I understand how they work. Magic circles designate a point as a center and use runes associated with different attributes to draw in mana. They then meet runes of force that direct them to that center and gather them around elements that match their attribute.

    Eventually, this energy stabilizes, and whatever the mana gathered around will permanently carry that magic, even regenerating it when it is used. Interestingly, this method is used to enchant magic items as well as grant humans mana. For a knife, the circle would primarily gather metal-attributed mana and add in a little of whatever attributes were desirable, like sharpness or durability.

    For a person, the primary attributes would likely be blood and bone, as well as other obvious elements of the human body, mixed with minor elements for mages who want to specialize in different types of spells. I have a different plan.

    The first problem is the weeks needed to gather mana, but I am pretty sure I can get around this. The way the center is specified in magic circles is relational. Generally, the room the circle is in is used as a point of reference. Other times an entire estate or even the country itself in the royal family''s case. The larger the area used, the more mana can be drawn into the circle. The one rule is the point of reference has to be established, and the magic circle has to be drawn in the exact center of that point of reference.

    The size of the magic circle is actually about comfort as well. In other words, they are large so the person inside them can move around comfortably for the weeks they spend there.

    Finally, the weeks-long time limit is just the minimum. For particularly rich and powerful families, teenagers spend months there, one renowned mage even claims to have lived in the circle for years to maximize the amount of power they can accumulate. The only reason they leave is because, well, they want to live their lives.

    This is where my idea comes in. Hypothetically, as long as the circle is at the center of whatever space I use as a reference, it can be any size. If I choose a space for which the center is trivially large, I can move the circle around inside it. So, by designating the reference space as an ever-expanding universe where either every point is the center or no point is... Well, no one has to care where the center is. I can tattoo a magic circle on my body and accumulate mana from everywhere, forever.

    There are two problems, however. Most mages accumulate magic inside their entire body, and this would only accumulate magic in one spot. I add outwardly pushing force runes to my circle that should push accumulated mana into the object it is attached to as a way to solve this problem.

    The second problem is the endless size of the universe. This would be too much mana, it would overwhelm me and I wouldn''t be able to control it. My magic circle is designed in an intricate spiral with dispersal runes that only allow a small trickle of the mana to accumulate. This is a reluctant change but after thinking it through I realize a ''small trickle'' would still be a respectable amount, especially considering I never have to stop accumulating it.

    I also make a few other changes, since I have a much more detailed understanding of the makeup of the human body, down to exact percentages. I am not limited to blood and bone and simple elements like that, and I can target the elements of my body much more specifically and accurately. Lastly, I don''t want to specialize, so I can focus entirely on accumulating mana.

    Now, I just have to take a few risks. Seeing as each mage can only use a magic circle once, if my design sucks I am screwed. It could even be dangerous; a lot of these ideas have never been tried or even considered before. My encounter with the nobles today solidified my resolve, however.

    I loathe power dynamics. Nobility, wealth, and every other boot that ever pressed down on my throat in both my lives is going to face a reckoning, and this is what I need to make it happen.

    "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," I mutter to myself.

    Using ink stolen from Godfrey''s shop and a needle from my mother''s sewing, I begin the long, arduous task of a highly detailed stick-and-poke tattoo on my stomach.

    This process takes me another two months, but at the end of it, I am finally ready to ink in the activation rune to begin gathering magic. I steady my hand and breathe in deeply. There is no going back after this, and I have to fight off second thoughts.

    "Please let this work. Pleeease let this fucking work," I beg no one in particular as I grit my teeth and finish the last bit of the rune.

    Pain.

    Pain is the only word I can think of as I am bombarded with mana. This process is supposed to hurt a little, but something I have changed has dialed that up to eleven.

    I have been pepper sprayed, I have been beaten with batons, and I have been tazed, but this is true agony. Just when I think I have truly made a mistake and am about to cut across the circle to make it stop, my vision fades, and I black out.

 Chapter 1 - The Burning One

    Sarafyna

    I have never been happier than I am today. Yeah, I''m not rich or powerful, and I never will be, but none of that matters. Today, my family has bought my future. Not the future of a housewife or handmaid, but a proper life I can be proud of. This is what I have always wanted, the life I used to tell my mom about for hours on end. In front of me is a rundown storefront with a cracked display window and a door hanging askew on its hinges.

    "I know it''s not the nicest, Sara, but I can help you fix it up. In a few months it''ll look good as new, I promise!" my dad stammers, a nervous look on his face. I beam at him. He actually bought us a store. He has always known I wanted to run a hat shop. I have been obsessed with hats since I was a little girl, ever since the first time I saw a noble lady on a summer day.

    It''s always been no more than a wish, but a wish I treasured deep in my heart which I then wore on my sleeve. When I was a child my parents thought it was a passing obsession. After a few years, they accepted it wasn''t going anywhere but didn''t treat it as an actual option. I never wavered, however, and here I was reaping the benefits of that determination. "I love it, Dad, it couldn''t be more perfect!" I practically squeal, pulling him into a hug.

    I feel the tension leave his body as he returns my hug. The poor man has always done his best for me, and he has always been worried he wasn''t doing well enough. My mother passed to the first plane when I was only nine, and he has been trying to raise me alone since then. It hasn''t been easy on him being a single father and working full time at the east gate''s stables. He has never once neglected me, however, and has always pulled enough money together to get me everything I need.

    He has only been this tense a few times, however. The first time was when I had my first monthly. The silly man rushed me to the clinic in a panic as if he hadn''t been married to a woman for years. The knowledge just fled from his addled mind the moment he found me sleeping in a bloody bed. It wasn''t his fault he panicked and I never blamed him, but he still gets adorably embarrassed if I tease him about it.

    The second time was when he was first approached by a potential suitor for me. I am, to put it simply, remarkably beautiful. Not just among commoners but even when compared to many noblewomen. Collector knows I''m not trying to be prideful here, it''s just the truth that I have grown prettier with every passing year. As a result of this, my father has been approached by either suitors or their parents for the past couple of years. It''s only gotten worse as I''ve started to develop.

    The first time this happened, my dad was at a complete loss. He didn''t want to upset me, he didn''t want to upset the boy who lived down the street, and he certainly wasn''t ready to see me married. We are all the other has, however, and he knew he had to ask me about it. I''ve heard a lot of women get very little choice in their marriage but my father would have none of that. He always asks my opinion on everything, and my future husband certainly wasn''t going to be an exception.

    So he approached me, nervous and toying with his own hat, to tell me about the interested boy. The amount of relief that washed over him when I said I wasn''t interested makes me laugh to this day. Years later, after rejecting dozens of proposals, he is much less nervous. It has become clear that I''m not going to accept any of them. Romance has never interested me, and neither has marriage. I don''t hate the concept, it''s just... not interesting to think about.

    I only have eyes for my hats. I have been consumed by learning how they are made and keeping up with the latest fashions in both common and noble circles. I even convinced a hatter''s wife to show me a few things. I never really believed I''d have the chance to actually work in a hat shop, much less run one. I should have known something was up when my dad started picking up extra shifts and covering for other stable hands. He has been working himself to the bone for years, and this is why.

    It makes me want to cry. He sacrificed so much to give me this, and he''s nervous I will be disappointed? Never. Of course, I won''t be the actual owner of the shop, that''s illegal, but it will be mine nonetheless. Lots of women run shops owned by their husbands or fathers, I even know one whose brother owns her shop. I don''t have to worry about that, however. Dad will support me and it will feel like mine.

    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

    "You really like it?" he asks, a hint of nervousness lingering in his voice.

    I pull away and wipe a happy tear from my eye with the base of my hand. I brush my auburn hair behind my ear and answer, "More than anything, Dad. This must have taken years to save for. Thank you. Thank you so much."

    He scratches the back of his head shyly, "I''m glad you like it Sara, it wasn''t much," he starts but I don''t allow him to sell himself short.

    "None of that now! Nothing much indeed, you''ve been working yourself into an early grave. If I''d known it was for me I''d never have let you. This is everything, Dad. It means the world to me," I reprimand and praise in equal measure.

    He gives me a sheepish grin, clearly pleased at how pleased I am. "It''s good to see you so happy," he says, "I wish your mother could be here to see it." Every happy event has had that melancholy caveat for the past five years. I understand exactly how he feels. At the same time, I want him to be happy again, instead of just pouring himself into making up for my mom''s absence.

    "She probably would have smacked you across the back of your head for overworking yourself," I laugh, trying to lift the mood.

    "You''re probably right," he agrees, giving me a melancholic smile. I understand how he feels. I miss her every day, and nothing is quite as joyful as it would have been if she could share it with us. At the same time, it breaks my heart even more to see the family I have left wearing grief like a chain, tethering him to his wife''s grave.

    More than anything, I hate feeling helpless to comfort him. The inability to relieve the pain of the people you love is like blocks of ice around your feet. Even worse, it seems like the occasions where he doesn''t seem burdened perfectly coincide with the waves of grief that still incapacitate me without warning. It''s like we have a steel ball we drag around with us, and if one of us stops, we feel so guilty the other immediately takes over.

    Of course, feeling that way also makes me feel guilty, which makes me feel sick, which causes the sorrow to well up all over again. This cycle goes on and on, and he and I can only lean on each other and carry on. There is no solution to it. There is no bucking up and feeling better. We just have to let our regrets wax and wane like the moon while the gaping wound in our family slowly scars over.

    Today, however, is a day for joy. I want my father to feel the joy he worked so hard to bring me, and I want to honor my mother at the same time. "We''ll name it after her," I announce after a moment. He perks up a little and smiles gently at me.

    "She''d like that," he agrees, "She''d like that a lot." I feel warmer as his smile grows more honest.

    "It''ll be like she is here with us. A part of the shop and still a part of the family. Evalina''s Heart: Hat Emporium." I announce, and Dad actually laughs. "What? What''s wrong with that?"

    "Nothing Sara, nothing at all. It''s wonderful," he chuckles. I can tell he doesn''t really like it, but what matters is his smile is real. I can workshop the name.

    I take another look at the building my father bought for us and my heart wells up again. "So what''s next?" I ask, wanting to ride the momentum of the happy moment.

    "Well," Dad responds, "we''ll need to fix it up. But first, I''ll need to register the business. It''s not official until we are registered."

    "Okay, no problem, where do we do that?" I ask excitedly. I don''t want to lose this momentum and, truth be told, I am insanely excited about this.

    "Oh, uh, I think it may be better to go on my own.." he starts but I am shaking my head three words in.

    "Not a chance Dad! we are doing this together! We are going to be partners, the whole way through, got it?" I challenge and he gives me a wry smile.

    "Even with the repairs?" he asks and I pause. Well, it''s not my area of expertise, but why not?

    "You know what? Yeah, I''ll help with the repairs! It''ll go twice as fast! Or, well, a little faster at least, probably!" I respond proudly and Dad laughs again.

    "Well, the help will be welcome!" He assures me. "And what about the hats? You want my help with those?" he asks and I draw my face to a line.

    "Not a chance! You keep your hands off!" I demand and he laughs harder. It''s good when he is this happy, and my day grows even better.

    "Well, if we are going together, I suppose we had better go," he says, making a slight bow and gesturing to indicate I should go first.

    "Quite right," I say and begin walking in the indicated direction. I don''t actually know the way, but he''ll step in before I go too far astray. My dad and I walk toward the first step in a new life. Away from the back-breaking labor that defined his life and into what feels like the first hopeful day since we lost my mom.

    "Oh, one more thing," my father says as we walk, and I look toward him inquisitively. "You are fourteen now. Before we get too distracted by everything that needs to be done for the shop, we need to stop by the temple of the Collector."

    I get what he is getting at, and he''s right. Mom was always the most devout of us, and she would be furious if we got so caught up in this that we neglected our souls. "Right," I agree, "I nearly forgot about the rite of confession."

 Chapter 2 - The Old and the New

    Lillith

    "There will be two others traveling with you, take care of each other on the road, and maybe you''ll have a couple of friends when you get there," Emeric says, continuing his lecture as we walk to the west gate where a carriage hired by Godfrey waits to take me to Visenar, the capital city of the Kingdom of Potestia, and the home of Facinley Academy.

    Emeric has been acting as my guardian since Godfrey left with my family after... the incident with Baldwin. The half year since has been, to say the least, difficult. Since Godfrey, thankfully, had more important things to return to, The nobles of Satusmor spent months without anyone to rally them. This was a boon for several reasons, but challenging for others. On the one hand, I was able to spread magic far beyond my initial mages of penance. Around the area farmers, sex workers, even bakers, and other groups have begun to learn magic.

    This went unnoticed by the nobility far longer than it would have if a new city lord had been assigned sooner, but not forever. A couple of months after Godfrey left, a new lord arrived to take stewardship of Satusmor. As new commanders often do, Lord William wanted to establish his authority as soon as he got here. He organized the guards and nobility with frightening efficiency and immediately found signs of what I had been up to.

    Food had become more readily available, of a higher quality, and cheaper. All while the city was in crisis. Street kids could be found stealing less frequently, and fewer people were going to confession. On the other side, some more public-facing people had failed to suppress their mana around actual nobles, and with a little organization, reports of this had popped up all over the city.

    A very few usually docile citizens, victims of divine magic, had managed to break free from their brainwashing with endoaspected mana, and a couple of residents of penance houses had managed to return to their families. Then there were the incidents of violence and the guards. Learning useful spells takes a fair amount of education and practice, and at first, none of my mages could cast anything. More educated commoners, however, were able to figure out simple spells and aspects rather quickly.

    Like how farmers were able to improve their craft with magic in a short amount of time, others could as well. No one could do anything too dangerous yet, but several could create short bursts of fire or mold the earth a little if they focused all their training on one spell. Of these, a few had gotten into violent altercations. Most of them with guards, finally fighting back, but a few with each other. Some even targeted commoners who had no magic or with magic but no spells. These I, or other groups had to deal with.

    One predictable problem with spreading magic en masse is also that I can''t keep it contained forever. Some guards, after altercations with a commoner mage, tracked down the source of their magic and tried to learn it themselves. These and a thousand other things revealed a drastically changed city once William took over as lord of Satusmor. Had he gotten here a little faster, he might have been able to stop it entirely, but it was too late.

    Enough people the city needed to run had already become mages or had learned to suppress mana. Only a few mages had the ability to break a mage''s suppression, and they couldn''t check every citizen in the city. And magic continued to spread. Had William thought ahead, he might have allowed the guards their magic, but if the nobility wanted magic guardsmen they would have them. Any guard discovered with magic was treated the same way as anyone else.

    As of now, Satusmor is showing the early signs of something akin to a modern-day drug war. Well, except the ''drug'' in question was the basic education and ability necessary to improve lives and live free of brainwashing. The nobility is actually more concerned with the falling value and increasing availability of food and other goods than the mages who attempted violence. A mage with a half-baked combat spell was a far smaller threat to their power than the loss of control over the economy and food distribution.

    Like with soap, goods like food, medicine, and tools that should always be widely available have been controlled for decades. Even knowledge of how to create some simple things had been jealously guarded. Now, they actually are growing available. Merchants are losing profits and noble houses are losing incentives. As a result, arrests are on the rise, and violent altercations between factions are rising.

    Guards, street kids, gangs, the temple, and the nobility are all growing hostile to each other at different levels. I have had to deal with newly empowered guards, angry nobles, indignant priests, and even misguided slaves and beggars directing their pent-up rage at innocent targets. It has been... ugly. Not more ugly than it was before, but certainly less clean and a lot scarier for people who had grown used to being comfortable.

    That is just the tip of the iceberg, however. All of that was more or less expected to an extent; taking down a monarchy isn''t going to be pretty. Things had gotten... a lot more personal, however. After what had happened with... well, I have a hard time talking about them. What matters now is it has grown beyond me. I am no longer at the center of the changes in this city and it''s time for me to move on. If I want to change things in this entire kingdom, and more importantly spread knowledge, I need to be in a better position.

    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

    There is an item I need to know how to enchant. I can only do so much more here, but I can help this and other cities more once I know more about enchantment. That and I see reminders everywhere I go of... yeah. I had promised Godfrey I would attend the academy, and that is where I am headed now.

    "Lillith, are you still with me?" Emeric asks and I snap out of my introspection.

    "Yes, sorry, I was a little lost in thought," I reassure and he laughs.

    "A little nervous, huh?" he asks, amused. It''s rare I show anything like the childishness he expects from me, and he always chuckles when he perceives it. "You''ll be fine, nothing to worry about. If anyone should be worried, it''s the academy," he teases and I crack a smile. I can''t exactly refute him.

    "Nah, just reflecting," I answer and he gives me a placating nod as if he will agree to pretend that''s true. I just laugh at the light teasing as we approach the gate.

    "Ah, here we are," Emeric announces jovially. A sturdy, covered wagon waits with a single coachman. "Looks like your traveling companions haven''t arrived yet, but we are early. They should be here soon!"

    I appraise the wagon approvingly. It''s not ornate or fancy in any way, but practical and roomy. Plenty of supplies have been loaded up and it looks like there is plenty of room left for people. "Where are the guards?" I ask, a little apprehensively, but Emeric just looks at me confused.

    "Why would the guards be here?" he inquires, and I realize I''ve made a silly assumption. Three noble kids traveling with a coachman in medieval Europe would definitely have an escort, but this isn''t Europe. The ratio of nobility to commoners is completely different, social structures don''t look the same and, oh yeah, all of the nobles have powerful magic. Mages don''t really need guards, they typically only fear each other. The social conventions and politics that keep them from directly attacking each other are far more effective than a few dudes with spears. Moving around with guards is, funnily enough, seen as a sign of weakness.

    The number of nobles pretty much excludes the possibility of every low-ranking child having an escort as well, and my nobility rank is definitely low. I knew all of this, Hugh never had an escort when he came to hit on me and it was clear enough why. Still, traveling on the open road, the knowledge of monsters, and memories from my past life all had me expecting an escort on this trip despite all that.

    This is a completely different world and society from Earth but my preconceived notions still color my view of the world. There are probably a million different ways a society like this will differ drastically from medieval Earth for a million different reasons and I didn''t even try to think about them, just assuming the familiar was correct. I am always a little internally embarrassed at my lack of imagination when I make these assumptions.

    "N-nothing, never mind," I answer, blushing a little. I should really try a little critical thinking before I ask dumb questions like that. From the first day I woke up in this world, my expectations were challenged. Something as easy to make as soap was presented to me as a luxury. Twenty-seven years of common sense aren''t so easily dismissed though. Oh well, Emeric will probably shrug it off. I''ll have to keep track of this sort of thinking when interacting with nobles at the academy, however, or I will embarrass myself again.

    Speaking of the devil, a pair of nobles about my age approach Emeric and me. Both are blonde and look remarkably similar, the boy in a sensible blue traveling tunic and the girl in a short red traveler''s dress. It annoyed me to no end when I learned women don''t even wear pants while traveling, but gender norms like that have never been sensible in any setting, so I shrugged it off.

    "Hello, a pleasure to meet you!" The boy says with a wide smile on his face, "Are you coming to the school with us?"

    "Don''t be rude, Augie," the girl says, "You haven''t even introduced yourself yet! Don''t mind my brother, he''s just a little over-excited."

    "I''m not worried about it," I answer, "I''ve never been one for etiquette anyway. Always made Sybilla furious."

    "Oh, Sybilla was your tutor as well?" the girl asks while the boy responds, "I like you already, all that nonsense is a waste of time!" They speak at the same time and I hesitate before answering either.

    First, I listen to the girl in red, "She was, although our lessons were cut short fairly abruptly." I then give the boy a conspiratorial nod to indicate I agree with him as his sister smacks the back of his head.

    "Ah, the Forrester twins have arrived at last," Emeric says cheerfully. I suppose these are my traveling companions. "Lillith, allow me to introduce August Forrester and Autumn of Forrester. August and Autumn, allow me to introduce Lillith of Endings!"

    Autumn and August look at me with wide eyes and Autumn bursts out, "Lillith of Endings, as in, the Lillith of Endings?" she asks. I sigh a little. Thanks to Godfrey wanting to share the credit with me, I haven''t stopped turning heads since Baldwin''s death.

    "No, I''m the other one," I answer flippantly and she laughs.

    "You have got to tell us everything!" August insists, and I resign myself to retelling the story Godfrey and I made up about the night I killed Baldwin. At least neither of these nobles seems too bad yet, although as always I can''t help but feel my hackles rise around them.

    "Allow me to say my goodbyes to Emeric, and I''ll tell you on the wagon," I agree, and the excited twins nod excitedly. This trip is supposed to take three months, so I suppose it''s best to start off on good terms. I bid farewell to Emeric, who has grown on me over the months, and climb into the back of the wagon. As the coachman begins the drive, I regale the twins with an entirely fictional story of my fight with Baldwin.

 Chapter 3 - Calm Before the Storm

    "Oh quit your complaining set up the other tent!" Autumn reprimanded her sulking brother, as I worked on setting up a tent.

    "Come on, it''s not like we haven''t shared a tent before; I won''t have anything to talk about with the coachman!" August protested.

    "So you want a lady to share a tent with a strange man? How does that make sense? Collector, you are such an idiot!" Autumn replied.

    "Oh Lillith will be fine, won''t you Lillith? Besides, if he does anything stupid she''ll probably push him all the way to the capital with that weird mana of hers!" he retorted.

    "And then one of us will have to drive the carriage. Do you know the way to the capital," she quipped, voice dripping with sarcasm.

    I drove a tent peg into the ground with a fist and sighed. This argument had been going on for the last hour of the trip. There was only room for two tents in the wagon with all the supplies for the trip, and it was pretty much sitting room only.

    August and Autumn were used to sharing a tent while traveling, and the twins had different ideas about this trip. As we approached the end of the day''s journey, August had mentioned playing a card game with his sister and the argument had started. I couldn''t tell if the two just had that twin energy, if August really just didn''t want to share a tent with the coachman, or if Autumn was excited about sharing a tent with another woman.

    Whichever it was, I wasn''t enthusiastic about sharing a tent with anyone. Not because I felt I was in danger; the twins didn''t suppress their mana and I far outclassed them put together. August was right as well, I didn''t have much to fear from the coachman. The problem is... I don''t sleep much. With the growth of my mana over the last year I am down to about three hours of sleep a night. Sharing a tent likely means either sitting in the quiet for hours or answering some awkward questions about my sleeping habits.

    "No, but that''s not the point!" August protested, "The point is it''s perfectly safe!"

    "Not for you," Autumn groaned, "Besides, it''ll be nice to not have to trade places just to change clothes." That comment actually startled me a bit. I''m not shy but... I do have a dangerous magic circle tattooed onto my body. This whole idea was growing less and less attractive as the argument went on in the background.

    I finish setting up the tent while the debate rages on. After a while, I realize August has no intention of winning the debate. A noble kid like him wouldn''t dream of asking me to share a tent with a man I hadn''t met; it would be a scandal. It becomes more and more clear he is riling his sister up and I chuckle to myself. It reminds me a bit of my own brother, Annie''s brother, before he died. A warm but melancholy cloud passed through me and I shook it off.

    I decided to introduce myself to the coachman. Might as well get to know my last traveling companion. "Hi," I say as I approach the man while he feeds the horses. "I''m Lillith, a pleasure to meet you." The man jumps at the interruption and the nearest horse snorts in offense. "Oops, sorry, didn''t mean to startle you," I apologize.

    "It''s no matter, my lady," he says meekly, looking down. Oh gross, being treated like this doesn''t feel amazing. I stand awkwardly to see if he will say more but he doesn''t speak again.

    "Uh, you can just call me Lillith if you like," I say, breaking the silence. "I prefer it, really." He tenses up at that.

    "I... I can''t do that, my lady," he answers, turning around but not meeting my eyes.

    "Wh-" I start before it hits me. Fucking customs and courtesies. I can give him permission not to use my title as much as I want, but I''m not the only person who will punish him for being too casual. I don''t think the twins would either but promises of kindness from people with power over you can never really be trusted. "Okay, I understand. Do you mind telling me your name?" I ask instead.

    "W-Wallace, my lady," the frightened man responds. "Um, m-may I go now?" he asks. I sigh, I really don''t like commoners being afraid of my title. I''m going to need to figure out a way to handle that when I get to the capital. I examine him for a moment, trying to evaluate his emotional state, but I give up. He''s too afraid of me.

    "Sure, Wallace, go ahead, I''m sorry for bothering you," I agree and he hurriedly returns to his work. I sigh. He is suspect number one. When we first left Satusmor, my mana started to gradually grow weaker, a little at a time. Once we were far enough away, however, it had started growing in power again. Just a little at a time. I didn''t understand at first, but then I realized one of my companions must be grieving something.

    Perhaps the twins missed their parents or the coachman was leaving a family behind. This was a long trip and he might not have had the option of turning the trip down. Idiot that I am, I hadn''t even thought about needing someone to actually take me to the capital. I want to help whoever it is, but I don''t want to push and pry too much. I have time, however. There is a long road ahead.

    I see August setting up a tent and Autumn is huffing as she storms in my direction. "I am sorry about that moron," she apologizes, "He is just... impossible!" I actually laugh at that.

    "You know he was just messing with you, right?" I ask and she glares, not in anger at me, but with residual frustration.

    "Yes!" She answers, "That''s what''s so frustrating about it! He knows I can''t help but argue with him about it! It''s like an itch in the middle of my back, that''s why he does it!" I put my hand over my mouth to cover my laugh this time. I have to admit the pair are growing on me. This makes me want to avoid learning more about them, it would suck to learn they were actually horrible. As a pair of nobles, it''s not unlikely and I have actually started to enjoy their company.

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    I probably should anyway, and perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. "That''s brothers for you, I get it," I sympathize and she blows a loose curl out of her flushed face.

    "Oh, you were cursed by the Collector too, were you?" She asks insincerely. I smile as I use earth mana to build a fire pit and a couple of makeshift benches. "Wow, you already have quite the handle on earth mana! And what did you call it, force mana too? Are you sure you even need the academy?"

    I put my hand to the side of my head and crack my neck while I answer her, "I just practice a lot, that''s all," I answer. Really I just have a much more thorough understanding of what ''earth'' is than anyone else and was able to aspect it much more quickly, but that answer is just going to inspire more questions. "And yes, I have brothers too."

    "Brothers as in multiple?" She asks, "My condolences." She pats me on the shoulder and I chuckle. She jokes but it''s obvious she wouldn''t know what to do with herself without August. It makes me miss Henry seeing the two of them together, and I feel the urge to distract myself. I laugh it off and retrieve firewood from the wagon. "Let me get that," she offers as I place the wood in the fire pit.

    I stand back and see her collecting fire mana to light the wood. I quickly toss the kindling I''d prepared inside to ease the process for her. Her spell is... incredibly inefficient. She pours buckets of pure fire mana into the spell until a burst of flame envelops the pit and all the kindling lights at once. It''s a good thing I added it because the logs themselves would not have lit. A piece of flint would probably have been easier, but I suppose she wanted to show off her magic.

    "Impressive," I applaud, wondering if I could light it faster just using heat mana. She presents herself proudly and puts her fists on her hips.

    "That''s right, you aren''t the only one who prepared for the academy ahead of time!" she boasts.

    "Well of course," I answer, "I would expect no less." It was a little strange how quickly I clicked with this pair of noble siblings. It kind of hurt, actually. I don''t know to what extent they participated in the atrocities of the nobility, but they have obviously lived a comfortable life. They were born into it, but it doesn''t necessarily mean they are anything more than oblivious kids. Either way, they will probably hate me someday, when I help take it all away.

    Who knows, maybe they will recognize the necessity for it... Well. Probably not, it''s hard to just... give up wealth and power. They are young, however. They have a lifetime to learn why I have to do this.

    "Good job!" August says as he approaches the fire, his tent set up not far from mine. He then examines the stone benches and neat fire pit. "Lillith, did you set this up?"

    "What do you mean, this was here when we stopped, did you seriously not notice?" I answer and Autumn gives me a confused look.

    "Seriously?" he asks, "No way, I was just over here like five minutes ago, this wasn''t here!"

    "Sure it was," I answer, straight-faced, "did you really miss it? I could have sworn you sat down right there." Autumn seems to pick up that I am helping her get revenge and smiles. It''s a pretty childish joke, truth be told, but they are children after all.

    "No, she''s right Augie, you were brushing off your boots remember?" Autumn chimes in.

    "Wait really? I don''t think-" he starts and I cut him off.

    "Stop teasing her, I know you aren''t that oblivious!" I insist and he looks between us, confused. After a moment of indecision, he breaks out into a grin.

    "Alright, you got me Lillith. Sorry Autumn, I just couldn''t help myself," he answers, and Autumn and I start laughing.

    "Of course Lillith made it you idiot," Autumn teases, "We were literally standing ten paces away when we were arguing."

    He blushes and gives me the side eye, "You traitor," he accuses and I chuckle.

    "You kind of deserved it," I reply. It''s that moment, as we settle around the fire, that I realize why I have been getting along with them so easily. They had been respectful to me from the moment we''d met, sure, and August hadn''t said a single sexist thing to me, despite the society he grew up in. I figure that might have something to do with his twin. They are also extremely friendly and have an amiable charm about them. That''s not really why, however.

    I have, for what feels like forever, been putting out fires. From the moment Hugh grabbed my wrist I haven''t had a chance to rest. I have been on the move, fighting, learning, and stressing. Channeling the grief of a city into the weapon it needed. Today, I sat in a wagon and started a fucking road trip. I sat in a wagon and told stories, joked, and laughed. I am finally, finally, taking a fucking break.

    I should remind myself to be wary. I need to remember not to trust so quickly. It''s no use though. I''d probably shoot the shit with Cthulu at this point, if he sat down and told me a funny anecdote about his twin sister as a kid. I am so, so tired of moving. Of fighting. Of raising my hackles whenever a noble says my name. Maybe, just for a little, I can enjoy myself.

    "Is it true we have to pass near the Radiant Woods to get to the capital?" August asks Wallace and I tune back in.

    Wallace, who is standing nearby but not sitting with us startles again and responds, "Y-Yes, my Lord," he answers and an ominous feeling pushes down on my shoulders.

    "Really? Do you think we''ll see any monsters?" Autumn asks, more interested than scared.

    "Oh definitely," August answers, "Dozens of them, we''ll probably be swarmed!"

    "N-no, my Lady," Wallace answers nervously. "The monsters never leave the woods, and we won''t be entering, just passing by." Autumn crinkles her nose and sticks her tongue out at her brother. I don''t know why, but I feel a sense of dread at the conversation. Perfect.

    After a while, we go to retire to our tents. Wallace tries to sleep, cooped up in the wagon but August won''t hear of it, insisting he joins him in the tent. Autumn and I retire to our own tent, and I awkwardly try to change into my nightgown without facing her. I cast a bad illusion on my tattoo just in case. It won''t stand up to inspection but it looks the right color at least.

    Fortunately, she is too preoccupied to look so closely. "So tell me, what do you think of August?" she asks and I groan inwardly at the tone in her voice.

    "I think he could make a great friend," I answer cautiously and she giggles.

    "Message received! Sorry, I had to ask," she responds with a laugh. I relax as she easily and respectfully drops the topic. "I suppose you aren''t looking for romance after your last... arrangement."

    "Yeah, not really," I answer, appreciating her understanding, "I barely twisted my way out of that engagement; I''d rather be married to my work for a while."

    "No joke, some of the rumors I''ve heard about Lord Baldwin... well I''m glad I wasn''t in your shoes!" she responds. "If you ever want to talk about... anything, I''m happy to. You can trust me, I promise." I smile.

    "Thanks Autumn, I''ll keep it in mind," I answer. We speak for a while longer and I actually feel comfortable in my bedroll for once. "Actually," I ask after a while, "I wanted to ask, is there anything wrong? For you or August?"

    "Not at all," she responds, "Why do you ask?"

    "I just... have a bad feeling," I answer. My mana is still responding to some source of grief, and it''s not normal. It''s like... oil flowing through my body. It''s tainted somehow and it makes my stomach churn. "A really bad feeling."

 Chapter 4 - This Way Madness Lies

    "Still feeling sick, huh?" August asks me, concerned. I answer by puking out the back of the wagon as we travel. We have been on the road for about four weeks now, and the feeling of oily grief in my mana has only intensified. I no longer believe it is being caused by one of my traveling companions. It has grown far too intense, and it specifically grows as we travel. My power remains steady overnight and intensifies as the wagon moves.

    I already feel far more powerful than I was when I killed Baldwin, and I had a group of people supporting me then. I have had to use less magic recently so the other mages won''t ask why my mana is invisible. Is it the capital? Could the conditions there be so bad I can feel this much power from months away? It has a larger population but surely it can''t be bad enough for that? Whoever we are headed towards, they are in a state of intense and constant sorrow.

    And it feels wrong. So, so wrong. Like it has been poisoned. Allowing it to affect my mana feels like wading through sewage. No, not like wading through sewage, it feels like sewage is permeating my skin and slowly crawling through me like a slug. I have been growing increasingly sick as my abilities increase. Today, however, felt like all the changes of the past week combined and I have been emptying my stomach for several minutes.

    "I think she''s getting worse," Autumn says, concern in her voice. She leans forward and puts her hand on my back, but quickly topples onto me as the wagon jolts and falls to the ground on one side. I crumple over the back of the wagon with Autumn piled onto my back. I groan, and she quickly recovers, pulling herself to the seat next to August.

    "What in the third plane?" August says as I clumsily climb out of the wagon. The horses are loudly complaining and Wallace is examining the problem; a wheel has fallen off in the back. I take a look at it with him for a moment while the twins climb out after me. "Ah man, why does it seem like this happens every time we go anywhere?" August asks when he sees the problem.

    "Well it fell off on your side, maybe you should go on a diet," Autumn quips.

    "You''re right," he agrees, "My muscles have grown far too dense." I roll my eyes at both of them and walk over to the wagon.

    "Help me lift this," I instruct the twins while crouching to get a grip on it.

    "Right, sorry," August agrees and takes his position on the other side of the corner. "Maybe Wallace should help me lift this?" He says before we lift.

    "Wallace has the best chance of fixing the wheel," I answer, "besides, we are mages. I guarantee this will be easier. You ready Wallace? Autumn, can you help him?"

    "Sure, no problem," Autumn agrees while Wallace stammers, "N-No p-problem my Lady!" and both get closer, Wallace picking up the wheel.

    "On three," I say, "One, two, three!" I grunt and pick up the wagon, holding it level. Wallace and Autumn do not move to fix the wheel. They just... stare at me. "What? What are you waiting for? August are you do-" I start to ask until I look at August. He is not holding the other side. I lifted it too quickly, right out of his hands, and am now holding it up alone. Shit.

    "How..." August and Autumn say in unison, "Lillith, how are you doing that?" Autumn asks, wide-eyed. Come to think of it, there is no way we should have been able to lift it without magic anyway. What was I thinking, I should have at least cast a spell at the same time. I''m not thinking clearly with my twisted stomach and headache.

    "I am using force mana?" I say in an unconvincing attempt to explain myself. All three of them look skeptical, including Wallace. I find that interesting since he should have no reason to doubt me... unless he is a mage. I am no longer familiar with every commoner mage from Satusmor; it is perfectly possible.

    "And we just... can''t see your mana?" August asks, clearly not believing me.

    "Lillith, we have seen the color of your force mana before, you aren''t using any mana at all!" Autumn chimes in, equally skeptical. I sigh; I''m not sure how to explain why I am as strong as I am. I don''t want to reveal my circle yet, and I''m pretty sure the changes it made to my body are technically blasphemy. That''s when it occurs to me, I do actually have invisible mana, and I explain why.

    I don''t always, but right now, my magic is in fact invisible. I didn''t want to reveal more than I had to, but at least endoaspected mana is a known and accepted phenomenon in the world. "Oh, my mana is sort of, invisible, sometimes," I explain. The twins raise their right eyebrow in unison.

    "And how is that?" Autumn asks, while August and Wallace actually get started on repairing the wheel.

    "It''s a quirk of my endoaspected mana," I explain, "it changes the opacity of my mana, even to me." The twins both widen their eyes at this.

    "You already have an internal aspect?" They clamor together. I suspected they would act that way; very few people are able to aspect internal mana, and most who do certainly don''t at fourteen. It''s hard enough that I can''t help but wonder how bards manage to use multiple aspects.

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    "I do," I confirm. Oh well, there are worse secrets they could have learned.

    "What aspect?" August asks, his words tripping over Autumn''s, "So why are you still holding the wagon with your hands?" Autumn then gently backhands August''s arms, "Augie, that is such a rude question!"

    August and Autumn start bickering again while Wallace, now working alone, fixes the wheel. I suppose Autumn makes a good point; I can''t claim I am using mana while I am clearly holding the wagon up with my hands. I cast a force spell to hold up the wagon, which jerks a bit as I adjust the force. "Sorry!" I apologize as the wheel nearly jerks out of Wallace''s hands.

    My hands now free, I brush them off and Wallace finishes his work as the distracted Twins bicker. I roll my eyes again. The pair don''t mind chipping in, but they get distracted by each other extremely easily and often leave the bulk of the work to Wallace and me. It''s not arrogance or laziness that leads to this, however, so I don''t hold it against them too much. I can usually cover for what they forget easily enough.

    My musings are cut short as I finally turn and look past the wagon. When I got out I had been facing the other direction and when I puked I had only looked down, afraid watching the countryside would make me sicker. I get my first look at the Radiant Woods. We are far closer than I realized, close enough I could walk into it right now. They had been hidden by the mountainous terrain we had been navigating, but at some point today we must have rounded the mountain. I felt... confused.

    These woods... aren''t woods. They span for miles just in the direction I can see. This isn''t even a forest; it''s closer to a jungle. That''s not the really weird part, however. This... whatever it is, is an insult to science. It''s all wrong in every way. It makes no sense. There are the expected evergreens and standard fare, but interspersed between them are palm trees and heavy jungle foliage that should never be able to survive in this dry climate. Most of these shouldn''t be able to survive, and they have no business growing next to each other.

    I gape at this impossible forest. Every different type of tree and foliage sways in perfect unison, picking up and slowing down in speed at the same time. I lick my thumb and hold it up. Nothing. There isn''t so much as a calm breeze in the air. So why are they swaying? My biologist''s heart, feeling great offense, demands I investigate further. Who needs some academy? What was I worried about, a monarchy or something? At this moment, all I care about is the impossibility that is the Radiant Woods.

    I am reminded of my other worries, however, as I take a single step closer to the woods. I can feel my grief mana react. It wasn''t the capital. This is what I have been reacting to. I am reminded of something Diana, one of my first friends from the house of penance, said once. ''Why the woods? Because that''s where all the monsters are!'' she had said. Are there people still alive in there? Supposed heretics with either broken or altered bodies?

    I have to find out. I now have two fundamental aspects of my very being demanding I enter the woods. I hardly think about it as I start walking toward them. It''s supposed to be full of monsters, but I can handle monsters. Right now I feel like I could handle the fucking king. My power is only growing as I walk. Mana courses through my body, demanding I use it. An intense pressure builds beneath my skin with every step.

    "Lillith, where are you going?" Autumn calls out and I realize I have walked maybe fifteen yards from the wagon. Shit, I can''t just bail on the academy now. What was I doing? At the same time, I can''t ignore this. I have to find out why my mana is reacting to the woods this way. And yeah, studying the impossible ecosystem would be a bonus. I hesitate, unsure of what to do for a moment as I look back at Autumn.

    Her face pales and her eyes bulge. "L-Lillith, RUN!" she screams and I whip around. Emerging from the woods is a monstrosity far more repugnant than I had ever imagined. For some reason when I heard ''monsters'' I had expected goblins and kobolds, or giant wolves or something. This is something more eldritch than dungeons and dragons.

    This is a huge gelatinous mass, consisting of slightly translucent, pink flesh. It looks like it has some kind of sparse fur all over its body and it is running toward me with incredible speed. I say running because that''s exactly what it is doing. It is... a blob but as it moves it forms multiple arms and legs to propel it forward. As each limb leaves the ground it is absorbed back into the mass and a new one forms, higher up on the body. The way it runs its body rotates like it''s rolling toward me while also bounding on its multiple limbs.

    It''s fast, faster than horses can run. It''s alright, I can fight it. I have never been more powerful. I try to form a spell to push it back, but my extra mana doesn''t work. The spell just... dissipates. Fuck. I try forming a stone and the same thing happens. I use force mana to decrease my weight and... it works. Well alright, I can''t attack it with magic, maybe I can overpower it?

    I forget all about commoners and nobility at this moment. "Wallace!" I yell, "Get the wagon and the Twins out of here! I''ll distract it!" I don''t wait for a response, instead using force mana to lift myself into the air and try properly flying, or falling forward rather, for the first time. This isn''t like that time in front of my family''s temporary estate. I am using my empowered mana to fly at speed in the opposite direction of the wagon.

    I get dangerously close to the abomination as I fly by it, making sure I grab its attention. As I''d hoped, it changes course and moves in my direction. Disturbingly, it doesn''t turn but changes which side of its body the limbs grow from. As I pass it I get a closer look and almost retch. I can make out blood veins through its translucent skin. Its ''fur'' is thin and seemingly just sticking halfway out of its body. No follicles, just an inch of fur floating in it and the rest sticking out. It appears to be vibrating, or shaking as I pass it.

    It keeps pace with me more easily than I thought. I could maybe go faster, but I don''t think I could react in time if something popped up in front of me. I hit anything that fast and I''m gonna look a lot like the thing that''s chasing me. Making a decision, I slowly reduce my speed and change direction, flying into the woods. There could be other monsters, but I can also lose it. I considered flying straight up, but it might give up and just go for the wagon.

    I want it after me until the others get away. I briefly consider just floating the whole wagon but I don''t want the group to know exactly how powerful I am right now. Besides, it would probably panic the poor horses to death. No, it would be best to lose it in the woods and circle back. I can catch up then.

    With that, I enter the Radiant Woods.

 Chapter 5 - The Radiant Woods

    I fly into the woods and immediately slow down. I no longer have the space to move freely through the air as I had been and I don''t want to find out how ''Lillith vs. Magic Tree'' ends. Instead, I ease up on the force and allow myself to land while maintaining momentum. I end up jumping a few times like a rock on water before I am moving slowly enough to transition back to running.

    I hazard a glance behind me to see the flesh beast hasn''t slowed at all. It is now throwing its body from tree to tree in such a way it seems to be actually speeding up. The unnatural way it never turns, just changes what can be considered the ''front'' is uncanny in a way that my head can''t quite process. Fuck, it''s almost on me. It is leaping through the air with perfect precision and is only a couple leaps away.

    Even worse, I now notice that the trees it touches are eroding where it makes contact. So much for overpowering it with physical force. I approach a pine tree and take a page out of Fleshy''s book, pushing myself off of it with all my strength, directly toward the monster. As it flies through the air toward me I slide on my knees and lean back, traveling underneath it. I run back in the other direction with the few moments I''ve bought.

    I scan the trees it had eroded and spot a sturdy one. I rapidly erect an earth wall behind me, hoping to slow the monster and make a break for the tree in question. Again, I glance back and see the wall did in fact slow it down. A few more moments. This also confirms that while I can''t attack it, I can impede it by affecting the environment. I try conjuring a series of boulders in the sky and letting them fall. They fail to form, but I''m not sure if that is a lack of power or the same problem as my earlier attack.

    Physical attacks it is. I make it to the sturdy-looking tree I had been running toward and jump up to ram it with all my strength. I hit just about the eroded spot and it creaks but doesn''t topple. I begin to punch it to little effect. It''s thick and I am unable to actually move it at all. I didn''t expect it to collapse with a single hit but it should be weak enough to budge a little at least.

    Another look behind me reveals the monster has leapt over the wall and is running toward me again. Shit, I need to act now. I''m about to give up on the tree when I realize I''m an idiot. I got caught up in not being able to use magic on the monster and tried to topple a tree with my fists. Tunnel vision strikes again. I turn toward the tree and conjure a stone wall behind it, ending just below its weak spot. Then I bombard it with force on the other side and a loud crack screams through the forest.

    Finally, the tree comes toppling down. I erect another earth wall to block the flesh thing and jump on top of the wall I''d used to create leverage against the tree. I wrap my arms around it and try to dig my fingers into the bark, with little success. Note to self, grow some extendable claws or something. I heave, lifting the tree up. It is heavy. It''s moderately tall, but I''m surprised by how heavy it is. Grabbing it from the bottom is probably the worst thing to do as well, but I have no time.

    With a herculean feat of strength and a little upward force mana, which thankfully works, I lift the tree and manage to swing it forward. Gravity takes over for the force mana just as I go from lifting to swinging forward, and just as the force spell dissipates. It does this because, just as I swing forward, the monster leaps over the other earth wall and into the trajectory of my swing. Thank God it opted for over instead of around again. It was the fastest and most likely choice but it would have been bad if it failed.

    The tree hits the monster, and much to my relief sends it flying in the other direction. I don''t hesitate and leap from my perch to run in a different direction. Which way had I come in? I try following the path of eroded trees but they just... stop at a clearing of flowers. And I am still in the middle of the woods. Shit. I probably should have predicted this. Wallace had said monsters never leave the Radiant Woods. While this thing definitely broke that rule, I should have known he said that for a reason.

    I look around a bit more and find nothing is familiar at all. The foliage is different. Where I entered, there had been small patches of cactus flowers and tall grass. The clearing I am in now is covered in orange lilies and has stocks of sugar cane in irregular patches. It is truly bizarre.

    Well, this fucking sucks. These uh... woods I guess, should at least have the decency to guide me back to the entrance with giant hollow logs and music. Well, at least I got that thing away from the wagon. I look around at the trees and stones but find moss growing on random sides of both. I look up and see the sun directly above me. So much for the easy ''which way is north'' tricks.

    I look up again and facepalm, realizing I can just fly. It''s not like anyone is going to look up my dress. I quickly regret the action as I smear tree sap across my face. Great. I rub my fingers together, examining it. It''s not quite right. It''s not sticky in the way I expect and it''s more brown than amber. That''s odd. I guess it''s not the strangest thing but it certainly bears further examination.

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    A low growl rumbles nearby and I pause. I slowly look up from my hands to see another monster. This thing is more solid although it still makes little biological sense. It has digitigrade arms, like a dog''s hind legs, but its actual legs are more human. Well, they would be, if not for the grey fur growing from them. Its knees and... both elbows have claws protruding from them. The claws on its arms are on the wrong side as well; it looks like they will stab the creature if it doesn''t keep them extended.

    It has a dog head as well. Not a wolf but a dog, except its snarling teeth are flat and curved, like tombstones. I don''t have time to gape at it as it jumps toward me with a speed I couldn''t have perceived anywhere but this forest. Its claws go from ten yards away to maybe six inches from my throat in an instant, before it stops and slumps over. It coughs blood as the stone spike I conjured impales it and stops its movements.

    It''s dead. It''s a good thing I chose the internal aspect I did, or I would have been dead. I''m relieved not every monster in this forest shares immunity to my attacks or I would, again, be dead. A morbid curiosity draws my hand to the monster''s body, but I don''t get the chance to examine it. I feel dozens of eyes on me and examine the tree line around the clearing. Dozens of bizarre monsters are eying me... greedily? It''s hard to tell with their varied and absurd anatomies.

    The only things any of them have in common are they look dangerous, and they have started charging me. I fire what must be hundreds of stone bullets out in all directions as they close in on me and many of them fall. I don''t wait around to find out how many I killed, however, and launch myself into the air. Time to get out of here. Magic is disgustingly easy to use in these woods and it''s only a few seconds before I am floating above the forest, free from the danger below.

    I groan. There is absolutely nothing but forest in all directions. I could fly for weeks without reaching the edge. My fascination is rapidly turning into frustration. This was definitely not my best idea ever. I look down at the monsters below me and see the trees are still blowing in the nonexistent wind but... they are all blowing toward me. From every direction they are swaying, even stretching toward me.

    Even more disturbing are the bodies of the monsters I''d killed. I have to look twice and lower my elevation to get a better look. The orange lilies are growing on them. It even looks like some kind of vines are reaching up to the monster I had spiked. What the fuck is that about? I want to investigate, and I almost do, when I remember the... slime I had fought at first. So far it was the only monster I couldn''t kill. In fact, it''s almost too easy to kill things in these woods. I''m literally sick with mana, and actually entering the woods made it jump by orders of magnitude.

    I am not sure, however, if there are more monsters like the first that will be immune to me. Better not to risk it. I decide to get far away from here and try landing in another, less populated spot. I pick a direction at random, completely unable to find north. After a while, I should be able to use the sun.

    This theory fails me, however. After what feels like hours, the sun remains fixed firmly in the center of the sky. What the fuck? Okay, fucked up magic woods I get. I can get behind that; magic does weird shit and I respect it. But the sun isn''t in the goddamn woods! Everywhere else the planet rotates on a regular schedule! Why the hell is it just... sitting there above this forest?

    I also haven''t come anywhere close to finding the border, and I decide to land for a while. As I descend into the woods the trees reach out for me again and I shudder. I land in dense woods and see yellow roses growing up the tree trunks. They appear to be growing out of the bark like it''s soil. Weird. I stand still for a moment, waiting to see if I''m going to be attacked again. Nothing happens, and I release the breath I didn''t realize I was holding.

    I begin to walk. I suppose there is nothing left to do but investigate. I''m not getting out of here without learning more about this godforsaken place. I have to admit, I am horribly curious as well. Don''t get me wrong, this place is a nightmare hellscape devoid of hope and happiness, like if Nevada had a lot more flora. At the same time, however, I could imagine worse places to be stuck than a forest of biological curiosities to learn about. In Nevada, the only curiosity would be slot machines in grocery stores.

    I am reaching out to touch one of the yellow roses when I am yet again interrupted. I hear muffled, whispered voices and my hackles rise. I use sound mana to hide my footsteps and creep in the direction of the voices. After a few minutes, I can finally make out what they are saying.

    "I don''t know why she ran into the Collector-forsaken Radiant Woods!" I hear a man''s voice whisper defensively.

    "The question," a woman responds with irritation, "is why you followed her!"

    "She needed help! Because she was protecting us!" the man protests.

    "Yeah, she was, and now we are all dead. I don''t know why she ran into the damn woods, but people don''t come back out, August! I like her too, but this was suicide!" Autumn''s voice answers.

    "Then why did you follow me in!" August retorts and Autumn lets out an irritated huff. These idiots followed me in? It sounds like they knew there was no going back too. Fuck, that''s... well noble. For the first time since I regained my memories as Annie, I am happy to see a pair of nobles looking for me.

    I emerge from my cover to greet them and have to dodge a burst of fire and a block of ice as the startled twins immediately react to my presence.

    "Woah there, slow down guys!" I say, holding up my arms in a placating gesture. The two gape at me in silence for a moment, before they burst out in unison with concerned questions. It''s not ideal that they are stuck here too, but it does feel good to see them safe.

    As I try to answer their questions, a thought at the back of my mind bugs me. I was flying for hours, and they entered the forest at the same place I did. How am I running into them now? If the woods drop you off at a random spot, why did the flesh monster enter the same place I did? What are the odds in this seemingly endless jungle of madness that I would land so close to them? I feel uneasy as I reunite with my companions. Everything about this place is wrong.

 Chapter 6 - Under the Hat

    Sarafyna

    "So what exactly should I expect?" I ask as we walk toward the nearest temple.

    "No one is really sure, but you have nothing to worry about," my dad reassures me. It is finally time for the rite of confession and I have been feeling anxious since yesterday. I''m not sure why, I just have a bad feeling. I do my best to shake it off, as all my older friends have done this and they are all fine. My mom used to undergo the rite once a month; more frequently than most and she actually looked forward to it.

    I certainly haven''t done anything notable to confess, and I know I need to stop worrying over nothing. This isn''t the first time I''ve had a similar anxiety and it always turns out fine. When I was a kid, a woman down the road from us gave me the exact same feeling, but everyone else had nothing but good things to say about her. Since then I have gotten the same feeling many times without it ever being validated.

    There is no reason to believe this will be any different. I decide to distract myself with other, happier thoughts. "I know, thanks Dad," I answer, before asking "How is the hat block coming?" Dad smiles, recognizing this tactic of dealing with anxiety. He has been carving the first hat block for the shop. It''ll be cheaper than buying one and woodwork has always been a hobby of his.

    "It''s finished actually. I was going to surprise you when we got home! Some of the neighbors have donated some materials as well, linen, fabric, and straw, you''ll be at the shop making your designs real in no time!" he answers and a grin breaks out across my face.

    "Seriously? That''s amazing! Remind me to thank everyone!" I exclaim excitedly. I am beyond excited at the news. The shop needs some work before I can sell anything but I have so many designs to realize that I''m not worried about it. The more money we save on materials the faster we can hope to make a profit, and the faster we can get Dad out of the stables. He''s getting older for a commoner, and I''d like to take over as the breadwinner if I can.

    I can tell the distraction worked because as soon as we round a corner and see the temple, the ice gripping my heart is completely unexpected. Why am I reacting so strongly to this? It''s just a confession! I haven''t done anything terrible and this temple was practically my mom''s second home. I shake my head a bit and take a deep breath. It''s fine, Sara. Stop panicking over nothing.

    None of this works and my anxiety causes a slight tremor in my hand as we finally enter the temple. Dad notices and, as a priest approaches us, he rubs my back. "It''s ok sweetheart, I promise. I brought your mom here for this rite all the time. It''ll all be ok," he promises. I look up at him with slightly glassy eyes. At some point, I had started holding back tears and I don''t even know why.

    "I know Dad, I don''t know why I feel this way. It just feels like... I''m saying goodbye. I don''t know why, I just can''t shake the feeling!" I explain. He looks at me with concern and pulls me into a hug.

    "I understand. Feeling anxious is perfectly okay. But this isn''t goodbye, I promise. I''ll be right here when you are done. If you feel anxious, just look at the wall in my direction. I''ll be right here, waiting and praying for you, okay?" he reassures me, and I nod. Usually, that would have made me feel better, but it doesn''t. The moment is interrupted by the priest arriving.

    "Hello, welcome to the temple of the Collector, is there something wrong?" the priest asks. Dad gives me the opportunity to reply but my voice gets caught in my throat. His concern deepens and he decides to help out.

    "Sorry, my Lord. This is my Daughter Sarafyna. She is plagued by anxiety, but there is nothing wrong. We had an appointment for her first confession today," he explains on my behalf. The priest smiles knowingly.

    "Oh, is that all? It''s quite alright, this happens all the time. She probably took a few coins from your purse or kissed a boy a little too early. Don''t worry Sarafyna, the rite of confession is confidential. There will be no rumors about you coming from here. Its only purpose is to give you a clean slate before the Collector," he explains in a friendly tone.

    It doesn''t make me feel better at all. Is that what it is? Do I feel guilty? I have let Dad work himself pretty hard for my dreams. I didn''t know but... it is my fault anyway, isn''t it? Is that why I am so deeply and thoroughly terrified right now? It doesn''t feel right but it must be. "Come with me, Sarafyna, can you do that?" the priest asks and I nod. I don''t get a chance to say anything to Dad before the priest guides me through the halls of the temple. I maintain eye contact with my dad as long as I can.

    When we turn a corner that cuts him off from my view, my heart and legs protest at the same time. My heart falls into my stomach and it feels like it''s trying to claw its way out and return to my father. My knees give way and I actually start to fall when the priest catches me. Why is my body rebelling against me like this?

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    "Oh, don''t throw a fit, what have you been sleeping around behind daddy''s back?" the annoyed priest says, irritated. "Well get over it, we''ll keep your little secret, okay? Just come along!" All the kindness and understanding has left his voice and my stomach churns. That''s not true, I don''t know why my body is doing this! I want to protest but the words won''t come out.

    Another priest runs up and both priests grab an arm and pull me up, then drag me along the corridors. "This one looks like a handful," the new priest consoles the first.

    "Tell me about it, haven''t had to drag a girl to confession in a while," the first priest replies.

    The newcomer frowns and laments, "Well with a pretty one like this, I suppose there isn''t really any mystery what the problem is. I swear to the Collector, we get more cases like this every year. It''s a godless country out there." The first priest nods in agreement, and the two drag me into a circular room, then roughly put me on a stone seat in the middle.

    I feel control of my legs return and something inside of me screams to run. To get out as fast as I can, damn the consequences. My breathing is coming faster and sweat is pouring down my face. It no longer matters that this is supposed to be nothing. I don''t care that it''s supposed to be routine. This is wrong, and I don''t know why, but I know I need to get out. Everything depends on escape from this cold, stone room.

    I stand up and begin to run, but I feel a sudden pain radiating through my body. It''s like the feeling you get when you hit your elbow in just the wrong spot. My legs seize up after only a couple of strides and my momentum throws me to the ground. My face collides with the stone and I feel something crack in my nose.

    "Woah, we got a live one here," I hear a man say through a laugh. "She must have done something real ugly to do that!" I start to weep. I''m in pain and, for only a moment, I lose control of my body entirely. I feel some kind of pressure, holding me in place, but I push back and regain control. I don''t know how I push back, I just... do.

    "Please, help me!" I beg through the blood running down my face as I climb back to my hands and knees, "There is something wrong with my body!" I feel the same pressure and pain as before in a greater quantity and push back harder, breaking free again. "PLEASE!" I beg.

    "Fuck, it''s not working, get Father Medici!" I hear a voice yell followed by scrambling. The pressure keeps coming back, but it grows easier to break out of until I hardly notice at all anymore. As I finally regain my feet, I stumble. I am about to run again when priests from all around the room run to me and physically hold me, forcing me back onto the chair.

    I don''t understand what is going on but I have never felt terror like this. I just want to go home. I want to make my hats and talk with my dad. I want to sit in my favorite chair and eat, but I can''t push back against the physical force the same way I pushed off... whatever had been controlling me before. "Please," I whimper, "I just want to go home... I just want to go home..."

    "Quite the heretic we have here," an elderly man says as he approaches me. "Now where exactly did you learn divine magic?" he asks and I look up at him. He is glaring at me. What did I do? I didn''t do anything?

    "I don''t understand," I say and he backhands me.

    "This isn''t a game, girl. Tell me who taught you divine magic, and tell me now," he insists and I look back at him, terrified. This isn''t what''s supposed to happen! It''s supposed to be easy and quick. It''s supposed to be a routine ritual!

    "I''m sorry, I don''t know any magic!" I respond, desperation coloring my voice. "I don''t know what I did, I want to go home! Please, I''m sorry!" At this, I feel the strongest pressure yet and I have to fight to push the pain back. The older man''s eyes widen.

    "She''s demon spawn," he announces and my eyes widen in return. Demon spawn? What is he talking about? I''m just... me! The daughter of a stableman. A hatter! I don''t understand!

    "I''m sorry my Lord, there must be some kind of mistake! I''m just a hatter! I don''t know anything about magic or demons or anything! I swear!" I beg but he is looking at me with horror.

    "You know what must be done, deal with it," he orders the other priests and they descend on me. It is not long before I am completely tied up and gagged. Together, they carry me through the winding corridors of the temple. I look in the direction I believe my father is waiting, but it provides no comfort. They take me out a side door and toss me into the back of a covered wagon. A few of them follow me inside, and others seem to circle around.

    I feel the wagon begin to move. Where are they taking me? I struggle to move with my arms tied behind my back and my legs tied together. the priests don''t stop me from moving, however, and I am not too far from the back. I manage to throw myself toward the exit, but not far enough. My body gets halfway over the back rail and my face sticks out of the curtain that covers the back. I feel the priest''s hands pulling me back in, but before they can, I see my Dad.

    He looks confused and is talking to another priest just in front of the temple. He glances over, and our eyes make contact. He recognizes me immediately and for the first time in my life, I see cold fury contorting my father''s face. I don''t see anymore, however, as I am thrown to the other side of the wagon. "Sara!" I hear my father scream, "Sarafyna, I''m coming! Let her go! Let my daughter go!"

    This carries on. His anguished cries and attempts to reassure me follow the wagon through the city. At the speed we are moving, he must be running like his life hangs in the balance. With his health, it will kill him to keep this up. He does. His shouts slowly grow quieter, but anytime we stop they grow louder again. I hear his screaming for what must be at least an hour, and the sounds of the city fade before he does.

    Then, finally, all I can hear is the horses, the wagon on the road, and my own soft sobbing.

 Chapter 7 - Pursuer

    Lillith

    "So you are saying you came in, hours away from here?" Autumn asks, and I nod again.

    "Yes. After I fought off the flesh... thing, I flew for hours before finding you here," I answer and the twins share a skeptical look.

    "We entered at the exact same spot Lillith," August challenges, "and flying takes immense and complicated mana, there is no way you could do it for hours!" I roll my eyes. I am getting a headache and all of my muscles feel sore. I suppose that will happen when you swing a giant tree over your head.

    "In this forest, I have as much mana as I need to do just about anything," I answer, "and you have surely figured out that we are nowhere near the edge of the forest!" The twins exchange a look again and I get the feeling they are having a silent conversation.

    "Alright, I''ll give you that," Autumn agrees, "But it''s still hard to believe you could use that much mana. Even the King can''t reliably fly, especially for so long..." Arguing with Autumn and August is an interesting experience. They seem to take turns like some kind of tag team wrestlers. The pair that usually bicker and trip over each other have some kind of odd dynamic when they agree with each other.

    "He can''t, or he doesn''t?" I ask and the two pause, which I take advantage of, "Look, I wasn''t just walking around in circles for hours, okay? And it doesn''t matter, really because the end result is the same! We are nowhere near where we came in, and something drove us back toward each other." The two give each other that look again.

    "Alright Lillith, fair enough" August answers, "That just leaves us with one question I guess. What do we fucking do now?" Finally, I can agree with him. The situation is bad, but not hopeless.

    "Well," I answer, "What we need is information. The flesh... whatever left the forest, right? Which means it''s possible. All we need to do is figure out how." I reach out to a yellow rose and it seems to stretch to touch me as well. Creepy. This whole place seems to want to touch me.

    "You think so, huh," Autumn intones, unimpressed by my evaluation. Okay yeah, ''we need to know how to leave'' isn''t exactly wisdom that will be passed down for generations. Still, I''m working on it.

    "Give me a minute!" I insist, "Can you... what''s the word for it... scan things? Figure out what they are made of, how they work?" I inquire. I''ve been trying to examine the things in this forest since I got here, but I''ve been foiled every time.

    "Uh, we can feel if there is mana inside something, and maybe figure out its aspect," August answers. That will work well enough for my purposes. I''m likely the only person who understands the inner workings of the world well enough to actually analyze something''s genetic makeup. This is a magical forest, however, so analyzing the mana could very well be enough.

    "That works for me. I figure it''s magic keeping us here, and it''s magic holding the sun in the sky. If we figure out what kind of magic, we can get out. So, we analyze the magic in everything. The flowers, the trees, even the monsters if we run into them," I explain. The twins give each other a look and then nod to me.

    "Well. I have no other ideas. I have to warn you, we aren''t that good at making out aspects we haven''t grasped yet," Autumn hedges. Well, I''m not too worried about that. Three of us will still find more than just me. I cautiously reach out and finally make contact with one of the flowers. While it had been reaching for me, and its siblings are still doing the same, it doesn''t do anything to me on contact. At least nothing I can discern.

    "I can''t guarantee it''s safe, everything here seems... alive," I say, "But we aren''t getting out of here by playing it safe. Do what you can, and tell me if you figure anything out."

    "I don''t want to alarm you Lillith," August says behind me and I tense up. Are there monsters nearby, what''s wrong? "But all plants are alive," he finishes his quip. I take in a slow deep breath through my nose. I''ll admit I''ve made dumb jokes in bad situations before but he needs to phrase them better. I just about blasted the area around us with stone bullets.

    I pull my hand away before I can push mana into the flower and turn around to tell him so, and my eyes widen. Before the twins have a chance to react to my expression, I have thrown us all in the air with force mana. The twins scream in unison and I can''t tell which voice belongs to whom. It doesn''t matter, and I keep flying up. The trees feel impossibly tall, far taller than they felt last time, as we are pursued by the abomination of flesh I thought I had lost.

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    It throws itself from tree to tree, rapidly elevating behind us. I see the limbs it''s creating are far more muscular than last time and its speed has somehow increased. We finally fly above the trees and the monster throws itself from them after us. I put more mana into the elevation, enough that I worry I will break someone''s neck if I use more force, and we barely avoid the beast''s attack.

    It creates a disgustingly long limb that extends to reach out to me. Before it can grab me, its body thankfully begins to fall and the hand at the end of it swipes in a last-ditch effort. It misses by a literal hair, a few strands of its sparse fur brushing against my boot. As it silently falls back into the woods, I sigh in relief and slow our ascent, allowing us to come to a stop in the air.

    The twins look like they have just been fired out of a cannon which to be fair, they kind of have. Autumn''s hair has lost its perpetual perfection and has turned into something of a tangled lion''s mane. I suppose mine probably looks similar. Autumn is gasping for breath, and August is actually puking into the forest below. Fair enough. I allow them to get their bearings.

    After several moments, August wipes his mouth on his sleeve and looks up at me. "Collector, Lillith. A little warning next time?" he protests and I stare at him nonplussed.

    "August, we survived that by the skin of our teeth. Your warning was either flying up in the air or getting swallowed by an acid monster." I see him preparing a quip but we are both distracted as we look at Autumn, who is gaping at our surroundings in horror.

    "She was right, Augie. There is nothing. Nothing but this Collector-forsaken woods for... ever. There really is no getting out of here... we... we are never going home..." she spirals and I try to head her off.

    "No, Autumn. Remember that thing got out. There is a way, and we are going to find it. We''ll find a way out." I give August a meaningful look and he looks confused for a moment, then realizes what I am indicating. I''m not getting through to her and she has started to hyperventilate. He might be able to talk her down, however.

    "Yeah, Autumn," he chimes in, doing his best to follow my example instead of hers. "We are with Lillith of Endings! If she got out of a marriage with fucking Baldwin Tudor, she''s not going to be taken down by a few trees!" I shake my head at him. Leaning on me isn''t what she needs.

    As her rapid breathing increases, I see him realize this and shift gears. "No Autumn, that''s not right," he begins, "Do you know how I can be certain I''m going to get out of this? Because I have you. You have never let me down before. You have always gotten me out of trouble, our whole lives. And you have me to do the same for you. You are going to get out of here because I am going to take you out of here. And I''m counting on you doing the same for me."

    This speech calms her a little, but not enough. I notice his hands shaking and I realize his emotional state is not far from hers. If he hadn''t needed to puke, or if his first thought wasn''t to make a joke, he would probably have broken down at the same time. I need to do something. My strong suit is making people angry, not making them feel better. The closest thing to comfort I typically provide is justice.

    I decide distractions are the best I can offer. "Let''s move on," I say, breaking the awkward silence. "We''ll figure out how to get out of here once we are far, far from whatever that creature is." The twins vehemently agree, and I fly us in a randomly chosen direction. The flight is mostly quiet and lasts at least two hours. The sun, of course, refuses to move.

    After the quiet and a slower movement speed allow everyone to gather their minds, Autumn breaks the silence. "Listen, Augie," she says, "About when we were attacked by that thing earlier..." August perks up and turns in the air to face his sister.

    "Yeah?" he invites, welcoming whatever she wants to get off her chest.

    "When we flew up in the air suddenly, you know... it''s just..." she trails off.

    "Go ahead, Autumn, you can tell me," he encourages.

    "Well, the thing is," she starts, then a broad grin splits her face, "your squeal was even higher than mine!" she finishes with a laugh. I join her as August''s face turns bright red.

    "T-that was Lillith!" he insists as Autumn and I laugh harder.

    "As if!" she challenges, "I saw you!" I see August turning an even brighter red and glancing at me. Hey man, if you wanted to save face in front of me, you probably shouldn''t have tried to blame me.

    "Can I give you some advice August," I ask, then move on without waiting for an answer, "Just lean into it. You screamed. Squealed even. So what? It was surprising! Anyone would have, and it was kind of funny. Own it." He looks at me skeptically and I laugh, "I''m serious! Do you know what really manly people never have to worry about?"

    "What," he asks, looking away to hide his blush.

    "How manly they look," I answer. "Seriously, just be a person. People scream when they are scared or startled. If you''d laughed it off, or just screamed again, we would have all laughed and it would be over. Now? Now we know you are embarrassed, and we are going to make fun of you forever."

    "It''s true," Autumn agrees, "You simply aren''t going to live it down. But don''t worry, I''ll protect you the next time Lillith startles you." she teases.

    "Gonna be hard to do while you''re squealing yourself," August retorts and I smile. It looks like the twins have recovered from their brief panic. Now I just have to convince myself they weren''t right. That and avoid panicking about that mana-invulnerable flesh monster. It had followed us somehow. Or found us, and for some reason, it wanted us specifically. I shudder at the thought. I need to learn about these woods and get out of here as soon as possible. I decide to interrupt the twins before they devolve into bickering.

    "I think it''s safe to descend now," I say and they look at me, concerned. "I know, I know, but we have to at some point. Come on, it looks like there is running water over there." The twins assent to my plan, and I slowly lower us back into the woods, near what looks like a river.

    I almost immediately regret this, as a chorus of shrill screams greet us the second our feet make contact with the earth.

 Chapter 8 - The Banshees Last Cry

    Pained, horrified screams assault us as we land. I throw up a sound barrier in all directions before it can do any damage, which I''m fairly certain it would have. "Collector, did you land us in the third plane?" August complains, removing his hands from his ears. We had all instinctively covered our ears but the sound went right through them. Had I been any slower I suspect our ear drums may have burst.

    "Maybe, the theory does ring true," I answer, rubbing my own ears. I certainly hope I can heal tinnitus because there is a good chance all three of us have it after that. August and Autumn groan at my poorly-timed joke and Autumn glares at me.

    "Lillith, you''re great, but your jokes are awful. Obviously, we landed in the wrong spot, we should find somewhere else before it starts again," she complains and I shake my head at the same time August nods in assent. He then pauses, gaping at me.

    "Lillith, you can''t seriously want to stay here, what if that happens again? I, for one, don''t particularly want to lose my hearing!" he protests and I hold my hands up placatingly.

    "First, I don''t think it stopped. I am protecting us with sound mana," I say, beginning to list my reasons for staying but Autumn interrupts me.

    "Sound mana?? Lillith, we are fourteen! Exactly how many aspects have you manifested? Didn''t you grow up a commoner? Did Lord Godfrey have you in a cell studying magic?" She marvels. I often forget how long it takes younger mages to grasp new aspects. A thorough understanding of an aspect makes it easier to aspect, which has always given me an advantage. At my age, however, one or two is usually the limit. It''s not until attending the academy that students become more well-rounded mages.

    "That doesn''t matter right now," I answer, "I am good at aspecting mana, yeah. But what matters is the screams." Autumn just gapes as I wave her concerns away, and August looks frustrated.

    "Right, the screams that tried to make us bleed from the ears," August chimes in, "The screams we should be getting far, far away from! Yeah, those are what matter right now, we agree completely!" I groan in frustration. I understand the instinct, but we are already safe from the sound. We don''t need to flee!

    "August, those screams are coming from someone!" I reprimand, "Those clearly pained screams are coming from multiple someones! We can''t just leave without finding out where it''s coming from!" He has the decency to look chastised, if not entirely convinced. Autumn tags in after that.

    "They are coming from something, not someone! No person could make a sound that loud! We aren''t going to find anything but another monster!" she argues and my eyes snap to her.

    "You know that, do you? In this forest, these impossible woods, you are completely certain that''s not a person?" I snap at her. Whatever is causing that screaming is happening now. Whoever, or whatever, is doing it could be suffering. I can''t leave these two behind because they need me, but I can''t just force them to come either. I am growing angry with the delay.

    August apparently does not pick up on my sense of urgency, and he takes his turn in the debate, "Even if it is, that''s not our job, Lillith! Our job is just to survive until we see our families again! We aren''t equipped to deal with whatever is over there whether it''s a monster or it''s being hurt by one!" I scowl as I turn to him.

    "Then whose job is it? When someone, or even something, is suffering, and there is no one but you who can stop it, whose job is it to help them? Someone else isn''t going to come along August! We are it! We are the only hope... whatever is over there has! If that is the sound of genuine anguish, it is either getting our help or continuing to suffer? Do you understand?" I lecture, my voice rising as I do. "Now will you two just fucking come with me so I can protect you at the same time?"

    The twins are pale-faced, and they pause to look at each other, but nod in assent. Their faces are a battlefield of guilt, fear, and apprehension, but they steel themselves and follow me. I feel a little guilty myself, at the back of my mind but I don''t have time to examine why. I adjust the sound bubble to disrupt but not block all incoming sound and the screams make it through.

    It is quiet enough that it is no longer painful, and I run in their direction, the twins close on my heels. I idly notice marigolds blooming along our path as we run, and after a moment we emerge from the trees at the edge of a slow-moving river. The river is bisected by a small island, maybe five feet in diameter. The water around the island is shallow enough to wade through, and in the center is the source of the screaming.

    A woman stands in the center, and the sight of her is forever burned into my memory in an instant. Her arms are tied behind her back, but it''s the way her legs are secured that is horrifying. Tree roots grow from the ground and twist around her legs and over her waist, keeping her standing. A few of the roots have burrowed into her skin and I can see them pulsing like veins under her flesh.

    She has no clothes, but her skin looks enough like leather it makes no difference. Instead of breasts, her chest is marred with irregular and poorly healed scars. None of these things are the details that secure her such a permanent spot in my mind, and the scream is not coming from her mouth. Not her original mouth, in any case. Her mouth is sewn shut with thick roots, and it is silent.

    The screams are coming from a series of mouths that have grown up and down her body. Her leathery flesh is parted at random locations and screaming lips, teeth, and tongues torment not just us, but her. The only things that remain untouched are her chestnut hair and her tired eyes, which watch us with resignation. A moment of shock paralyzes us, but the woman''s eyes widen, and I freeze, trying to interpret the look.

    "LILLITH!" Autumn screams and I whip around to see a catlike monster with ten legs pouncing on us. I immediately crush it under force mana, protecting the twins and killing it instantly. The three of us stand in shocked silence for a moment, until I realize the sound spell is keeping us dull. I surround the woman''s body, excluding her head in a sound bubble, and her eyes fill with relief. I then release the bubble around us and the forest comes alive.

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    The sound of movement is everywhere. I scan the tree line with my eyes and see dozens of eyes reflecting the light the river allows into the woods. "Stay close to me!" I command, and I get to work as the twins comply. First, I try to surround us with a shield of force, but it fails. "There might be a monster I can''t use magic on here, stay on your toes!" I warn.

    I bring the twins into the water with me and toward the island. I send stone bullets in all directions, shredding monsters as they charge toward us with no regard for their safety. Massive stone spikes erupt from the ground as I skewer larger monsters. What looks like a troll dies immediately as a massive crab scurries around it, its legs briefly climbing up against the body in its rush to reach us.

    I use precise force mana to pull both of its claws off. One I use to sweep in a circle around the island, which we have now reached, killing smaller monsters in its path. The other I drive through the crab''s main body, skewering it and pinning it to the forest floor. I have no time to rest, however, as different kinds of flying creatures are descending on us. I throw a massive wave of heat mana into the air to intercept them. With the power of my mana in this forest, it boils them in the sky and the smaller ones literally pop, raining blood and sinew down on us.

    I hear August retching behind me but I have no time to focus on it, leaving him to Autumn. The use of heat mana gives me an idea, however. I begin to combine earth and cold mana in the forest around us. The ground itself freezes in all directions, for miles. This is not the cold of ice but of an absolute absence of heat. The creatures still in the forest flash freeze on contact, their frozen limbs tearing from their bodies as they insist on continuing their attack.

    This assault keeps up for what feels like forever, but I never grow tired or run out of mana. In this forest, I feel like a goddess of destruction, an idle thought that invokes pride and sickness in equal parts as I tear through the bodies of our attackers. With the ground assault effectively halted, I am able to focus on the flying monsters. I notice their number increasing and I continue to fight. I''m not sure how much times passes, but we are surrounded by bodies long before I am allowed any rest.

    Eventually, however, the forest does run out of monsters. None of them were immune to magic like the flesh monster, and I wonder why my force shield dissipated. Finally, I turn toward the twins who gape at me, terrified.

    "W-what are you?" Autumn asks, fear contorting her usually elegant expression.

    "H-how?" is all August manages and I sigh. I suppose they have very likely never seen a mage use that much power before, and... it certainly wasn''t pretty.

    "I''ll tell you what I can, soon" I answer, trying to sound comforting but obviously failing. "But right now, we need to hurry. Whatever is controlling this forest seems to be actively after us,".

    "W-what do you mean" Autumn stammers. I look at her pityingly. She''s a kid. I forgot she is a fucking kid. Just a child on her way to school and I dragged her into a massacre. Fuck. I actually yelled at them about our responsibility to help. It''s not their responsibility, it''s mine. They aren''t the rich, ruling over commoners, not yet. They are just children.

    They were scared children and I bullied them into coming here with me. Yes, I needed to protect them, but that doesn''t really absolve me. I could have at least blocked their sight and eyes while I fought. I had the power to. Here in these woods, I don''t know if there is anything I can''t do. Unfortunately, I am starting to figure out why. I can protect them from that, at least.

    "I''m sorry," I say, "this is my fault, and I will tell you everything I can. But first I have work to do. Please, trust me." I plead with them, and both of them nod. I can''t tell if it is actual trust or fear, but I don''t have time to discern which it is. They are staying still, and safe. The monsters I killed are already being covered with Marigolds. I need to examine them.

    I kneel and gently touch the leg of an eagle-like monster I had killed. I push my mana into it and scan its biology. My stomach churns. I do the same with three more monster parts from distinct monsters. Bile rises in my throat. I frantically grab a marigold, which immediately makes me feel sick in a different way, and scan it. A moment later, I let go in relief. It was wrong, and I need to spend more time on it, but it''s still a relief.

    Finally, I stand and approach the woman in the center of the island. I notice the mouths on her body have closed, and her eyes are flooded with the exact emotion I most fear. Hope. "May I examine you?" I ask, and she nods. I gently touch her skin and flood her body with my mana. All of my worries are confirmed.

    I am reminded of my conversation with Diana all that time ago. ''Why the forest?'' I had asked. ''Because that''s where all the monsters are!'' she had answered. An interesting turn of phrase, and not one I think even she understood. People aren''t banished here to be left for the monsters. People are banished here to become them. Like every other monster I examined... like every monster I had slaughtered, this woman has the genetic make-up of a human.

    I want to puke, but I keep examining. It seems like her current... form is new. Extremely new. I can feel the residual effects of her body being changed and even her more human attributes feel... fresh. This isn''t something she has been dealing with since she entered this forest, this was for me. To torment me, and to trap me. Whoever... whatever is controlling this forest knew I would respond to screaming, and knew I wouldn''t leave once I saw her.

    We had flown for hours. In all directions. In completely clear skies. I had not seen a single bird or bug the entire time, but dozens, maybe hundreds of flying monsters ambushed me here? These people aren''t just being tormented, they are being engineered on the spot to attack me. And that''s the part that tortures me. They attacked me. Not to kill me, or even to hurt me, but for the same reason every spell but one worked.

    My grief mana can only be used for the grieving, not against them. The only spell that had failed during the massacre was the purely defensive one. The only spell that gave me the option of leaving them alive. These... people didn''t attack me to hurt me. Whoever did this to them wanted that, but it''s not why they attacked. They came to me to die. I look up at the hopeful eyes of the tortured woman and every part of my being recoils. I have to try to help her.

    "I am going to try and save you," I say and her shoulders sag, tearing my heart in two. Nevertheless, I put my hand against her leathery skin and pushed mana into her. I try and force her body back to the shape of a human, directing it as I direct it to make changes in myself. I push all the magic I can muster into her, but something fights me. Another magic, divine magic, keeps her in place. I push harder, more desperately, screaming as I try and save her, my eyes locked on hers.

    I can''t. The other mana is too strong, and she isn''t cooperating. I couldn''t even if she did cooperate; whatever power is opposing me is... insurmountable, even in this forest. I see her eyes pleading with me, and I have a sudden moment of clarity, pulling my hand back like I just touched a hot stove. What was I just doing? This isn''t what she fucking wants, this is what I want. It doesn''t matter how much mana I have. Of course, the power of my mana is a fraction of what it was. I am not using it for her. If it had been a regular spell it wouldn''t have even formed.

    Hot tears running down my face, I accept the request written in her eyes. I create stone bullets and fire them into her brain and spine to kill her as quickly and painlessly as possible. I then immediately collapse, vomit, and weep. The twins watch me with apprehension as I sob, but I can''t reassure them right now. I can only weep.

    I don''t know how long I stayed there like that, but eventually, a sound interrupts me. I look up, and see something I never expected upriver. A wagon is stopped and a priest is watering horses.

 Chapter 9 - Warriors of the Collector

    I just stare in confusion for a moment. The emotional turmoil of the last battle and... what I had to do followed up by the mundane sight in front of me gives me whiplash. The man looks completely at ease here; he isn''t even bothering to look over his shoulder. Most wouldn''t feel so comfortable and safe on a regular road, much less in a place like this. I gape for a moment, my eyes wide and fixed on the wagon.

    After a moment, I look behind the wagon and only grow more surprised. The forest has parted around a wide road. The forest that pulled us in to kill us, or perhaps me, is rolling out a red carpet for this priest. What are they here for? It doesn''t elude me that this could be a way out, which is important while I have the twins with me, but in the grand scheme of things, information is more important.

    I have a number of theories about how and why the Radiant Woods work the way they do, but investigation and data gathering come first. This priest could be the best source of data I can find. I figure I have two options. I can approach him directly for information. This seems like a less than ideal choice all things considered. It''s unlikely he is going to be on my side. There is a high likelihood that approaching him will lead to violence.

    I suspect I would win any fight, especially since the forest couldn''t do anything but incentivize monsters to attack me and keep me lost. I suppose I''ll have to deal with divine magic but even Baldwin would have been crushed like a grape if I fought him here. That doesn''t get me any information, however. I also don''t want to traumatize the twins any more than I already have, and I doubt they will understand why I killed a priest.

    Of course, after today, ''priest'' is going to be the most dangerous fucking profession on this planet. If it weren''t for people like Emeric, priests in the dark about the nature of divine power, confessions, and... this, I would just bar the temple doors and burn them all inside. They aren''t like the city guards where even the lowest level of participation requires complicity in slavery, however. Some genuinely just want to help people and don''t realize who they are serving.

    Nevertheless, I have innocent people''s blood on my hands now, thanks to the atrocities of the temple. The blood of priests will replace it. I doubt a priest casually driving through the Radiant Woods is unaware of their nature, however. In any case, killing him in front of the twins may be a bridge too far at the moment. They already seem terrified of me and likely trust priests. Besides, if he''s dead he is useless to us. Option A is not ideal.

    My other choice is to discreetly follow the priest until he leads us out of the forest. The problems with this idea are many. I don''t know how the forest works yet. Is space being warped? Am I being manipulated with illusions? Is there some kind of instant teleportation happening, or are we in some kind of alternate reality? If we follow him and he suddenly disappears before we escape, we lose everything. No information and no way out.

    Another thing to consider is priests are the ones, to my understanding, who banish people to these woods. In other words... there could be a person in that wagon, or worse, a person lost in the woods that has already been left behind. If I hide and follow the wagon out, even if I''m successful, I might end up abandoning them. Basically? I have to approach, and I have to keep him alive.

    All of this consideration is a moot point, however, as Autumn looks up and spots the wagon. "A-Augie, there is a priest here! He can get us out of here!" she excitedly announces to her brother, shaking his arm to get his attention. The two have been huddled up, holding their knees and burying their heads in their legs.

    August looks up and then at where his sister is pointing. "Thank the Collector!" he exclaims and both scramble to their feet to run toward the wagon.

    "Wait!" I try to stage whisper to them but it''s too late. They are running towards the priest and, worse, the priest is looking toward us. His eyes widen as he sees us and the gruesome scene surrounding us. I don''t have time to react in turn as I am rapidly warming the area around us and using earth magic to stabilize the ground. Without my mana, it wasn''t as dangerous as when I first cast the spell, but who knows what magically cooling it to that level did to its structure?

    I manage to finish in time and the twins are safe. I follow them and notice the priest banging on the side of the wagon and glaring at us. As I suspected, it seems we are not as welcome as Autumn may have hoped. "Hello!" Autumn exclaims excitedly, "I''m Autumn of Forrester, and this is my-" she starts then freezes in place. I feel the familiar uncomfortable feeling of divine mana wrestling with my will and I shrug it off. It barely takes an effort at all.

    I walk past the frozen twins and threaten the priest as four other priests pour out of the wagon. "If you want to live, let them go, now," I demand. I give him a cold glare and he smirks at me.

    "So you are demon spawn are you? Do you think you are the first we have dealt with? Do you think just because we are priests and you can fight off the Collector''s will that we will bend to your empty threats?" He laughs, "If you could you wouldn''t be here in the first place. Trust me, it will be easier if you just submit. We''ll be gone before you know it and you can go back to obediently waiting for the price of your sins." I raise one eyebrow at him.

    I suppose that''s as much confirmation as anything that the priests force people into the woods. What did he mean by ''demon spawn'' though? Just an excuse for supposedly god-given powers failing? He should know about endoaspected mana, although I suppose that doesn''t always allow people to defy divine magic. In my case, it''s likely because of what my aim was when I aspected it. It likely has something to do with whatever propaganda is used to recruit priests for this work.

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    The other priests join the first and one in slightly more ornate robes addresses him, "What''s going on here?" I peg that guy as the boss.

    "Momentos, brother," he answers and I tilt my head, "Careful, one of them is demon-spawn. Looks like she has been using her abilities to make the older momentos fight each other." At the end of that explanation, he gestures at the scene behind us. Most of the people and debris have been covered in flowers but there is blood in the water and a few corpses are mountainous.

    "Cute trick girl," The new priest says, "But it won''t help against us. We are warriors of the Collector. We are many, and we are mighty. Your devil magic won''t work on us any more than our divine magic works on you. Just go back into the woods, and we won''t have to hurt anyone. Our business is not with you."

    "So are you in charge then?" I ask. This will be a lot easier if I know who I need to leave alive. If I had any doubts before, they have been dispelled by this conversation. These priests know what is happening here.

    "The Collector is in charge," he answers and I roll my eyes. "But I am supervising this group on his behalf, yes."

    "Good," I nod and use force mana to throw the priest controlling the twins in the air hard enough he''s out of sight in under a second. "So you can answer my questions then," I retort as one of the many and mighty warriors of the Collector dies from the impact of force before ever hitting the ground and the twins regain their autonomy,

    "Brother August Forrester," Autumn finishes before pausing, confused by the sudden shift in the environment. "What... is going on?" She asks, confusion coloring her face and voice in equal measure.

    "Kill them!" The lead priest orders and powerful spells form around all four of them. I don''t bother preparing a spell to block the light, water, and earth spells they are preparing, instead simply crushing and absorbing the mana they are using with pure mana of my own. Both twins have taken a step back as they see the priests attempt to murder them, and August actually falls backward. I idly catch him and prop him up with force mana until he regains his footing.

    "Try to hurt them again, and die," I intone, inviting no argument at all. "Now, we came here for help. I simply have a few questions for you. There was no need to attack us on sight like that." I try to remain as patient as possible but I do not have much patience to spare today. For the twin''s sake, I''d rather not escalate this... right now. At least until I can help them understand what the priests are doing here.

    One of the other priests snarls, "Do you really think we''ll just bend over after a couple of tricks?" and throws a hidden dagger toward Autumn. I''m surprised by how fast he throws it, and realize he must have some body modifications of his own. It''s no matter, however, as I stop the dagger in the air and let it fall to the ground. I then give the offending priest the same treatment as the first, throwing him into the distance with violent force.

    "Uh oh, blasting off again," I quip, then give the remaining three priests a chance to process what just happened. "This isn''t an empty threat. Try and hurt them, and you die. Now, what are you doing in the forest? Do you know how to get out, and can you take us?" I inquire.

    "W-What''s happening," August asks, his voice wavering. "I don''t understand, why are they trying to kill us?"

    "I''ll explain later," I answer gently, "But I won''t let them hurt you." I see his concerned glance at me and add, "I won''t hurt you either. I''m just trying to keep everyone safe, I promise." I can tell they both remain apprehensive, but I can''t help that.

    "I won''t answer your questions," the head priest addresses me, "And I won''t leave you alone. You are all here for a reason, and your threats mean nothing to me. The Collector will provide for us, as he always does, and he won''t allow you to harm us."

    I look at him like he''s an idiot. "He just fucking did you moron," I retort. "And he will again if you try to hurt my friends again." His face just steels at this and I groan inwardly. Fucking zealots.

    "He allowed you to move them, but this is his forest. They will land safely. You can''t assault the Collector''s servants in the collector''s domain!" he blusters and my brow furrows in thought. The Collector''s domain, he says. I wonder if that is true, or if it is religion claiming responsibility for something that was already happening. It could be either, although the way it allows the priests to traverse it suggests one more than the other. Of course, that could be explained by the source of divine magic. I need more data.

    I decide to point out the obvious hole in the priest''s theory. "My friends are in control of their own bodies, that first priest''s magic is gone. He''s dead." The head priest glares at me but the other two share a concerned glance.

    "You freed them with your devil magic," he insists and I groan. I notice Autumn''s eyes widen at the conversation as she starts connecting dots. We are interrupted by a thumping in the wagon and I lean over to look behind the priests.

    "What''s in the wagon?" I ask, crossing my arms. They must have brought a wagon this size for a reason, and it seems not everyone came out to greet me.

    "That''s the business of the Collector," the head priest dismisses, sniffing. He is trying to put on an air of indifference but I can see the concern pulling at his eyes. "Now, you may leave. We will have mercy on you today, given you leave us to our business." I just let out an entirely unamused laugh.

    "You mean you can''t figure out a way to kill me," I retort and begin walking toward the wagon.

    "Stop her!" The head priest commands and all three priests try to form spells again. I crush their mana again, then drop one priest in a pit I open below him, holding him against the dirt with force mana. The other minor priest, who tried to distract me by casting an earth spell of his own at August, I kill by twisting his head around with force. I am trying to keep it clean, for the twins'' sake.

    I flip around toward the head priest, but he isn''t casting. What is he... I get hit in the head by a rock. August and Autumn are attacking me. What the fuck? I know I scared you but these guys are trying to kill and control... oh. That''s why the head priest stopped casting. I have the ground swallow him as well, this time closing the pit around him and crushing him to death. I need to stop getting into fights in this forest it''s too... easy. A girl could get used to this kind of power, and I really don''t want to get tripped up by that.

    The twins trip as they regain control of their bodies again. Well, I killed the leader, but I still have one priest. Maybe he will help me. In the meantime, I walk around the wagon to look inside. I find... corn. Boxes and boxes of corn. This confuses me because, as far as I''m aware, corn hasn''t been created in this world, at least not in this region. Also because... why?

    I get a glimpse of a priest''s hood ducking behind a couple of the boxes. "Come on out," I call back, "Corn is no place for a mighty warrior." There is a moment of silence, and the hidden priest emerges from his hiding place. Two things immediately strike me as odd. First, he is a child. Younger than the twins and, well, me I guess. He is maybe eleven at most. Second, he has the milky eyes of someone who was blinded by an infection.

 Chapter 10 - No Rest for the Wicked

    I stare for a moment. The boy is obviously blind. Well, it should be obvious. I suppose I can''t lean on visual biological cues in that way mere moments after tossing a couple of men into the great beyond with my magical powers. Still, the child behaves as if he can''t see. This alone doesn''t surprise me; I''m aware that people like him are often brought here. What catches me off guard are his priest''s robes.

    "Please don''t hurt me!" the boy trembles, his eyes beginning to water. It takes me a second to realize he is talking to me and I allow the silence to drag for too long before coming back to myself.

    "Shit, no, I''m not here to hurt you," I reassure, "I''m here to help, if I can. Can you tell me why you are here?" The boy fidgets in his robe for a minute before shaking his head.

    "N-no," he stutters, "I''m not supposed to..." He holds a hand to his face and reaches out to the canvas of the wagon to get his bearings. Terror grips his expression and he begins moving toward the side of the wagon, looking for stability.

    "That''s alright," I answer before asking, "Is there a reason you aren''t supposed to tell me?" He fidgets more and moves one foot back, nervously trying to come up with an answer. I give him time, leaning back to see Autumn and August whispering to each other. I feel a pang of guilt at the haggard look the twins share. They are far too young to process today''s events, and I am responsible for the worst of it. I can''t think of what else I could have done, but I didn''t do right by them anyway.

    I return my attention to the boy as he answers me, "Brother Neville told me I could never, ever tell anyone or the Collector will punish me..." he explains meekly. I suppose Brother Neville is probably the priest I gave a rapid burial. I think about how I want to approach this for a minute, then I look at the boxes of corn and climb into the wagon, taking a seat opposite the boy.

    "Are you hungry?" I ask, digging through the bag on my side for a snack. I''d rather not waste the little I have since I don''t trust any food in this forest, especially after examining the flower earlier, but I do want the kid to be comfortable. He hesitates for a moment, then nods. I pull out some jerky and pause. "I have some food for you, if you hold out your hand, I''ll give it to you," I offer. The boy hesitates for a moment before extending an open palm toward me.

    I gently press the jerky into his hand, and he pulls it back to begin eating it. He tears into it like he is starving and I raise an eyebrow. I wonder how long it''s been since he''s been properly fed. "It''s alright if you don''t want to tell me," I say calmly, "You don''t have to do anything you don''t want to do. Do you want to know a secret about the things grown-ups tell you though?"

    He doesn''t stop eating, instead just shrugging at me. I find his reliance on nonverbal cues interesting and decide the infection that blinded him must have been relatively recent. "Sometimes," I begin, "grown-ups tell you things to keep you safe. They understand things a little better and want you to be happy and comfortable. They want to protect you." I pause for a moment to allow him to think through what I''m saying. He has likely been told similar things in the past.

    "Other times, however, grown-ups tell you things only to keep themselves safe. If they hurt you, or do something that makes you uncomfortable, they might tell you to keep it a secret no matter what. If someone hurts you, or threatens you, they might want you to keep it a secret for their own sake, not yours. The secret is, grown-ups do bad things just as often as kids do, and they want those things to be secret just as much as any kid would," I continue. I''ve never been that good with children. I like them, but I am not talented at communicating with them. I hope I am doing ok.

    His brow furrows at this, and I decide I might be pushing too much. "Of course, you don''t have to say anything to me that you don''t want to. Take your time, and if you change your mind, let me know, okay?" I ask and the boy nods reluctantly, holding out his hand hoping for more food. I hand him some more jerky then realize I have been an idiot. "My name is Lillith, by the way," I add in an attempt to cover for my mistake. I want to make him comfortable but I never even asked for his name. "Do you mind if I ask who you are?"

    He pulls the jerky back to begin eating again, but he answers me. "Peter," he says and I relax. He is either warming up to me or he is so focused on food he forgot how nervous he was. I''ll take it either way.

    "Nice to meet you, Peter," I respond with warmth. I then take a few more pieces of jerky out and put them in front of him. "I''m leaving some food for you here," I explain, guiding his hand to the spot where I left it. "I have to go talk to my friends now, will you wait for me?" I wait for him to nod again, then I climb out of the wagon.

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    I cautiously approach Autumn and August, who tense up as they see me. I glance down the pit I created earlier and see the remaining priest struggling against my force mana. I sigh; I have to handle one thing at a time. I leave him and walk over to the twins. "Hey," I hazard, trying to put them at ease with my tone. It has little effect.

    "Lillith, what the fuck is going on?" Autumn demands and I wince.

    "It''s... a lot," I answer. "I know. And I want to apologize, I... shouldn''t have dragged you into that fight earlier. None of us should have been there," I begin but August cuts me off.

    "Why did those priests try to kill us? Why did everything keep jumping around like that? Why did you fucking kill that woman earlier?" he bombards and the last question hits me like a fist to the gut. These two have lived a fairly comfortable life together. Before today, even the common troubles most people have were alien to them, and suddenly monsters started exploding around them before priests started controlling and trying to kill them. It''s going to take a lot to explain today''s events.

    "Well," I begin, "there is a lot to answer about all of that, and I don''t know if we are safe to discuss it right now. Will you try and trust me until we get out of this forest?" I ask, echoing my sentiments from earlier. The twins glance at each other and I add, "What I can tell you now is, this forest is trying to kill us. That was a trap earlier, and it won''t be the last one. I want to get us out of here safely, then I will answer your questions."

    The twins communicate in silence for a moment, then turn to me. "Alright, Lillith," Autumn apprehensively agrees, "but when we get out, I want you to answer all of our questions." I nod in assent and the two stand, a bit shakily to join me.

    "For now, we need to move on. I don''t know if the sky is safe anymore. I think we should take the wagon. This road could lead us out." I return to the pit and raise the priest out with force mana, then address him, "Do you understand what will happen if you try to hurt one of us?" I ask and the priest reluctantly nods, venom in his eyes. I release him and let him fall to the ground in front of us.

    He coughs, having struggled against the soil while I spoke with the others, and clambers to his feet. "What do you want from me?" he asks and I rub my temples when Autumn cuts in.

    "Why did you try to kill us? We only wanted help!" she yells at him and he glares back at her.

    "Priests don''t help mementos," he answers indignantly, "You are here by the Collector''s will. Once we realized you were traveling with demon spawn, killing you became the safest option."

    "Mementos?" I ask, my words competing with August''s "Demon spawn?"

    The priest ignores me and answers August first. "Her," he says, pointing at me, "Women born of demons who use demonic magic to fight the Collector''s divine power." I roll my eyes while August''s widen.

    "My father isn''t a demon, just a dick," I quip, "And I resisted your divine magic using regular old mana. Just an endoaspected mana that prevents you from controlling me, like faith mana." I see a flicker of realization in the priest''s eyes before they harden again.

    "Liar!" he accuses, "I would have been able to see endoaspected mana!" I groan as the twins look at me with suspicion. It''s not my fault grief mana turns invisible! Actually, it probably is. Mana aspects behave in response to your understanding of the aspect. Something about my interpretation of grief is hiding my mana. Nevertheless, it wasn''t intentional!

    "The invisibility of the mana is part of the aspect as well, as is its potency," I respond, "Now can you please tell me what you mean by ''mementos''?"

    He glares at me. "As if you didn''t know, demon spawn," he spits and I rub my forehead in frustration.

    "You''re right, I am lying to you, trying to trick you into telling me something I already know. You have foiled my plans to gain knowledge I already have. Surely the Collector has a seat at his right hand reserved for you and your righteous wit," I intone. "Now that we have established that you have seen through me, do you mind answering anyway?"

    He scoffs at me, "A memento is someone like all of you. Heretics against the Collector who have been given as offering to him. Left in the Radiant Woods for him as punishment for rejecting his teachings and his perfect design," he explains and I realize I kind of did know what he meant. I was just surprised by the word choice. The priests assumed we were banished here for heresy. In my case, I probably would have been, but that doesn''t change the fact that he is wrong.

    "Wait, you think we are heretics??" August blurts out, "We weren''t banished here, we just stumbled in! I swear, we are loyal servants of the Collector!" The priest just raises his eyebrow.

    "Loyal servants of the Collector traveling with demon spawn? I am no fool. I know heretics when I see them. You are still standing side by side with a priest killer!" he accuses and Autumn looks at him aghast.

    "You tried to kill us first! Are we just supposed to die??" she asks, voice bursting with indignance.

    "Well that''s not true at all, is it demon spawn?" the priest asks me as an answer to her question.

    "No, you stole their minds from them, then you tried to kill them when I told you no. That''s still on you, you fucking moron," I answer, annoyed he is trying to use ''not submitting to mind control'' as a justification for trying to kill us.

    The priest opens his mouth to respond, but we never hear what he has to say. The flesh-beast that has been pursuing me flies out in front of me and tackles the priest, limbs forming to strangle and tear at his skin. He screams as his flesh corrodes on contact and freshly formed fingers burrow into his eyes, throat, and mouth. The monster''s body morphs around the man, cutting off the sound of his screams and I can see him struggling through its translucent flesh for a few seconds. Then, as suddenly as it started, his struggle stops.

    We stand in silence as the monster dissolves his body inside of it. It doesn''t turn, but its limbs are reabsorbed into its body, and a mouth begins to form on the side facing me.

 Chapter 11 - Autonomy

    I freeze, my mind traveling a thousand miles a minute. I consider throwing us in the air like I had last time, but I don''t have the time. The monster is feet away from us and dozens of yards had been barely enough last time. I have to save the child as well as the twins and force alone won''t be safe while he is inside a loaded wagon. I can''t do it, not fast enough. What if I get them in the air and it kills me? I might as well kill them myself.

    Can I draw it away, like the first time? No, it''ll just choose the easier prey. I just watched it devour the priest; there is no reason to believe it will find me specifically interesting when there are other close targets. Fuck, what do I do? I am vaguely aware the twins are screaming while the priest is... digested and my eyes briefly flick toward the wagon to see if Peter is investigating the noise. I''m relieved to see he hasn''t appeared, which in retrospect, makes perfect sense.

    The monster finishes forming a mouth of sorts and I remain frozen in indecision. I can''t attack it with magic, can I create a chasm between us that it can''t cross? No, it''s between me and the wagon; I''d be abandoning Peter. Maybe I can create domes of Earth around all of us? No, I wouldn''t be able to see Peter, and it wouldn''t go away. Maybe I can stop light from bouncing off the earth? But we''d still be trapped and separated.

    The flesh-beast''s malformed mouth tries to speak but no sound emerges and its entire body... vibrates? No, shudders. It tries to form more distinct lips but it''s like it''s not certain how they should look. I continue trying to think of a way to get everyone out safely. Why do I have time to think of a plan, why hasn''t it attacked us yet? Can it not move while digesting? No, Lillith, it''s obviously trying to communicate with you, you idiot. Think, why would it do that? It never tried that before. Actually, wait, why doesn''t my magic work on it?

    My mana has only failed one other time, when trying to defend us from the monsters... people''s assault earlier. Purely defensive magic does work against this one, however. I interrupted it with a stone wall earlier. Why? Think Lillith, why? Why did they attack you before? You know that, they wanted to die. But why that way? Why not kill each other, or themselves? Some of their bodies were formed in such a way it would be hard not to, so what role did I play in it, and why is it different this time?

    The monster tries to speak again and fails to create sound a second time, it''s body shuddering. I focus on its lips, but they don''t move in a way I can make sense of. Okay, attacks fail and defense works on this monster, no, this person. That''s the opposite of every other person in this forest. So their intent is different. Their grief is driving them in different directions. Actually, I don''t think my grief mana should stop me from attacking someone just because they are grieving. It should only fail if I am using someone''s grief as a tool against them. I should be able to cast regular spells if I unaspect my internal mana.

    I feel the twins behind me, good they aren''t running, they know it is safest with me. I think one of them is speaking to me but I can''t quite process what they are saying. No, unaspecting won''t work, I''ll be too slow, too weak. I won''t be able to react in time. Think. Why is it... are they attacking me? Are they attacking me at all? They tried to catch me but if defensive magic worked... that means I am not working against their intent. Only attacking them, trying to harm them is working against them. So do they want something else?

    No, don''t be an idiot Lillith, you just saw them eat a man. They are definitely attacking... no wait, they attacked him. This is a person who was brought here by priests and abandoned to become... this. Maybe they recognized that? They could be hostile to priests but not us! No, wait, I can''t gamble on that, it''s too dangerous. Think, dammit, what do I do? I feel someone shaking my shoulder but I shrug them off. I don''t have time for that, I have to figure out a way to get everyone to safety and get out of the forest.

    Wait! Out of the forest! The priests come and go, and so did the flesh... person. Then it clicks. Divine magic is the easiest way to transform the body. The Collector''s forest, transformed people, and priests able to freely come and go. Finally, exactly one resident of the forest is able to transform their own body, leave the forest, and get to me no matter how far I go? It has divine magic, it has to. They have to. They can get us out! No, they are the ones that brought us here they don''t... no, that''s not right. I brought us here, they came to me outside the forest for some reason.

    My mind is about to collapse from trying to work through the problem in front of me, and the fleshy mouth has started repeating the same two movements, over and over. I feel a harder shake on my arm and August''s voice finally gets through to me. "LILLITH!" he screams at me and I look at him, wide-eyed.

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    "... What?" I ask quietly, still in something of a daze and I see relief wash over him.

    "Lillith I think... I think it''s trying to say ''help me''" he explains, a sort of horrified curiosity coloring his face. I look back toward its... their mouth and look closely. They are trying to mouth words, he''s right. Two words, but their mouth doesn''t move like a normal mouth. But it has formed some sort of disembodied tongue that moves with it. Help. Me. He''s right. They want my help. Why did they chase me like that? Why try to grab me with their corrosive touch?

    "Help you?" I ask and their body shudders again, but differently. "Help you how?" I ask and they pause. After a moment, limbs grow out of their body but don''t do anything. They want my help changing back? Well, that seems obvious but... I can''t, I already failed. Whatever is changing the people in this forest is too strong. Besides, they can modify their own body, so why do they need... oh, of course! They can make a mouth but not sounds! I steel myself, my racing thoughts finally slowing and deciding on a course of action. It''s a risk, but it feels right.

    "If this doesn''t work," I whisper to the twins, "Get the boy out of the wagon and try to get away. I think I know how to help them." I start to step forward but I feel both twins holding me back. I could pull away easily, but I don''t. Instead, I look toward Autumn.

    "What are you going to do to it?" She asks, and I shrug.

    "I don''t know how to describe it," I say, "can you trust me one more time?" Autumn studies my eyes for a moment, concern and fear warring for control. I see her come to a decision, look past me, and nod at August. The two let go of me, and I walk slowly toward our pursuer. I hold my hand out, hesitating for a moment, before placing it on their flesh. I immediately feel burning, agonizing pain in my hand which pulls a scream from my lips. I fight through it, pushing my mana into them.

    I grit my teeth, a scream continuing to escape through them as I examine... her. She''s a woman, well, probably. In any case, she likely used to have female anatomy. I can''t exactly read DNA, but I can feel the pattern her body wants to have. That''s what she is missing. She can change her body on her own. Somehow, she is able to fight the force of the forest I couldn''t overcome. But she doesn''t understand anatomy. She can make limbs, kind of, but she can''t form her body the way she wants it.

    She doesn''t understand where her organs go, or what they do. She doesn''t even know what organs she has. She is desperate to fix herself and has the power to do so, but not the knowledge. But I do. I don''t know how she knew I would be able to help her, but I am probably the only person in this world who can. I pulse my mana through her, using all the power at my disposal to put her body right.

    The force I have been fighting with fights back, and I can feel it has the power to overwhelm me, to crush me like an ant under its heel, but the woman helps me. She fights back with her own divine mana, and I feel the opposition shriveling away from our combined abilities. She is... powerful. Far more powerful than Baldwin ever was. With all of my power in this forest, working directly for what she wants... we are the more powerful force and I can see her body shrinking and taking shape.

    The pain in my hand starts to dull but I scream with effort and keep manipulating my mana in every cell of her body. As we form vocal chords for her, I hear her scream join mine. It feels like hours pass us by as we fight to give her body back to her. The sky darkens and I feel the atmosphere crackle as lightning strikes a tree near us. A moment later, we are in a clear part of the forest again.

    We jump around the forest and rebuild her, piece by piece. I can feel the fury of the Radiant Woods as we defy it, but the woman stays one step ahead of it, moving us faster than it can attack us. I block acid rain with force and find myself in a field of flowers a moment later. I finish forming her vascular system and the woods fight back.

    We race through apocalyptic storms and clear skies as we defy the forest and a woman''s body takes shape in front of me. I am relieved to discover her brain is unmolested, likely to keep her aware through her transformations, and I help reattach it to her newly formed spine. We war with the forest on two fronts until, finally, a woman stands before me. The sparse auburn ''fur'' has collected on her head in a short pixie cut.

    Her face is gnarled and her joints seem wrong, but she is undeniably human. I look around and find the twins and the wagon still here. The forest has let up on its attack, and we are now surrounded by lavender trees. I don''t know how she managed to bring us all but I am extremely relieved she did. I can''t pick out an age for her; it seems there is more precise work to be done before she is who she once was. Lumps and benign tumors grow over her eyes and stick out all over her body. "I''m sorry," I say, "I think it will take time to do more than this, time we don''t have. Are you ok?"

    Her mouth opens and an uncomfortable rasping assaults me. She grits her teeth and clenches her fists, then tries again. "I- I''mmm oookaaayyy..." she groans. "Thhaaank yyoouu." I don''t know if there is something wrong with her vocal cords or if she simply doesn''t remember how to use them properly.

    "I couldn''t have done anything if you weren''t... well, a badass," I retort, exhausted. She tilts her head in confusion and I decide to move on. "I''m Lillith, it''s a pleasure to meet you, uh..." I say, a question clear in my tone. August and Autumn approach us cautiously, eyes wide and jaws slack.

    The woman sits down, equally exhausted, and answers with, what I assume, is her own name. "SSSaaaraaafffyyynaaa".

 Chapter 12 - Sarafynas Sorrow

    Sarafyna

    I don''t know how long it has been since that day. The day of my first confession, when the priests dragged me away. The last time I saw my father. I know I was on that wagon for weeks. I was given food once a day and was allowed to relieve myself only when one of the priests needed to as well. I remember, at the time, I wanted nothing more than to finally get to wherever they were taking me. I gave up on going home a few days in and just wanted to be allowed off that fucking wagon.

    I was so young. I can''t recall how many times I''ve wished I never left the wagon and the care of the domineering priests. When I was finally freed from the priests, it was only to be abandoned. The priests put a bag over my head and shoved me out of the still-moving wagon. I fell hard against the ground and my face was quickly surrounded by fast-moving water. The pain and the panic overcame me and I convulsed, trying to get up on my knees.

    They hadn''t bothered to untie my hands and feet, and I grew certain I was going to drown. My body was mostly on dry land so I should have been able to pull myself out, but with my limbs tied and the water consuming my senses, I was consumed by panic. I thrashed and struggled with all of my meager strength but I couldn''t break free. The water just kept coming and I couldn''t breathe; I just wanted to breathe! Rope cut into my flesh as I tried to pull myself free but I wasn''t strong enough.

    Blackness crept into the corners of my eyes and I felt myself going. That was it, I had been left there to die. Then, in a second, the ropes around my ankles and wrists just... snapped and I was free. With the vestiges of will I had left, I pulled myself out of the water and scrambled to my feet, pulling the hood off my head and getting my first proper look at my surroundings. I could barely take it in. I was surrounded by plants I had never seen before, trees that made no sense, and lilies growing around my feet.

    I stood by the riverbed, confused and anguished. Why? What was the point? Why spend weeks dragging me to this place just to leave me here alone? I sat down on the riverbed, amongst the impossible lillies and wept. I missed my home. I missed my father, my run-down shop, and the hat block I had been excited to see after the confession. I didn''t understand. Why was this happening to me? I had never done anything to anyone.

    The silent forest didn''t answer me. There wasn''t so much as a cricket or a squirrel to give this place life. Just the foreign plants and the unrelenting river. I wept there for hours. I wailed like only someone confident in their solitude ever could. I wept and wept until my throat ached and my eyes felt blistered. Perhaps I would still be there now, forever locked in that bed of lilies, except eventually, my hunger overwhelmed my emotional agony.

    My stomach felt like it was eating itself and the sickness of hunger drove me to my feet. I didn''t know what I could find to eat, or even if I would. But I reached out for this tiny purpose and grasped it like it could pull me back to my happy life in my quiet neighborhood. I couldn''t grasp what was happening, but it was a reason to move forward and do something. First, food, then maybe a way home.

    I didn''t have this purpose for long, however. I had barely walked fifteen paces to the treeline when fruit began to grow out of the trees in front of me. I stared at it blankly for a moment, and the branch shook as if in offering. Confused, I reached out and plucked the purple fruit from the tree. I examined it with apprehension, but my growling stomach drove me to try it. I took a single bite and was shocked by its splendor. I had never tried something so delicious in my life.

    I devoured it in moments and quickly accepted another. This one was equally delicious but far meatier, and I felt myself filling up. The tree offered a new fruit, however, and I felt that same pressure the priest exerted over me encouraging me to continue eating. Suddenly, the fruit felt like lead in my stomach. I pushed against the pressure but this time I couldn''t shove it off. I felt my hand accepting another fruit, and I greedily devoured it.

    I ate fruit after fruit, struggling against my own body as my stomach protested the excess. After a dozen or so pieces, I finally felt the pressure ease up and the fruit stopped growing from the branch. I doubled over, certain I was going to puke, but my body refused to comply. Feeling sick, I stumbled along the river. I had to get out of there. I walked and walked, but found nothing new.

    Eventually, I decided to take a risk and enter the forest. I figured I would have food, whether I wanted it or not. Eventually, if I walk long enough, I should reach the edge of the forest. I ventured into the woods and wandered. And wandered. And wandered. The sun was unmoving, and the day never-ending. I didn''t know if I was maintaining one direction or not. I walked until hunger and fatigue forced me to stop. I ate when I was hungry. Water appeared when I was thirsty. Thick beds of lilies appeared when I was tired.

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    I don''t know how long I traveled like this. I slept and ate dozens of times. Hundreds of times. I don''t remember when the changes started. All I know is one day, my jagged, untrimmed nails had turned to claws. Another day my teeth had grown and sharpened, stabbing me when I bit down. The fruit had lost its enticing flavor the more I fought against it. Every bite tasted like oil. I continued my days of wandering. I was forced to eat and I discovered new changes in my body.

    I never stopped fighting. Every time I felt that pressure, I pushed back with my entire being, and every time I lost. I stopped picturing my old home. I stopped imagining seeing my father again. Instead, I held the image of my old body in my mind. I focused on it as I rested. Occasionally, I would wake up and some changes would be back. Like when I was a child and I wished to have smoother skin or longer legs and would wake up with the changes I wished for.

    I started to suspect it wasn''t luck as a child and it wasn''t the forest''s mercy now. With determination, I focused on my body all day, every day. I focused on the feeling of pushing against the forest and, eventually, I learned to fight the changes. One day I managed to remove an extra joint in my arms, and the forest punished me. Rain that burned my skin fell from the clear skies. I fought back.

    I changed my skin so the rain didn''t hurt, and thorns formed instead of lilies when I was tired. I changed my flesh to burn the thorns and thick mud tried to suffocate me instead. I didn''t stop fighting. I thought I was winning. While wandering, I started to feel the forest change around me. I felt the same pressure that always tormented me acting through the trees and the flowers. I learned how changes felt, and how to react to them.

    I knew when the burning rain would come, when the thorns would form, and when the earth would try to swallow me. It was almost like I could feel something physical approaching me. One day, I used my own will to simply... step out of the way. I found myself in an entirely different part of the forest. I saw plants I''d never seen and I felt the rage of the forest.

    "You can''t escape me."

    I knew I had done something the forest never expected. It tried to assault me again, and again I shifted through the forest with an act of will. It could no longer hurt me. I was able to step aside when it wanted to feed me its poison. I could move freely throughout the forest. I still needed to eat so I changed myself. I could touch the forest and steal its energy. I could dissolve the plants with a touch and take their power for myself.

    "You belong to me, Sarafyna."

    The more I did this, the stronger I became. I was faster, smarter, and the pressure of the forest had a harder time gripping me. One day, I felt a new pressure. It was similar but... weak. I shifted to it. The energy wasn''t next to me, but a few hundred paces away. I ran to it and discovered a group of priests in a familiar wagon. We all froze. I considered asking them for help but... rather than hope I felt rage. Rage like I''d felt at the Collector when he took my mother from me. I could have followed them out of the forest but I felt them exerting pressure on me and my vision went red.

    "No one will help you."

    I intentionally formed the claws I had gotten rid of and tore through one''s throat. Some part of me felt horror at what I was doing but... that was Sara. That was the hatter who lived with her father. I was something else. I was fury. I was hate. I was Sarafyna and I burned with loathing. I extended my arm in a fleshy mass and caught another priest''s head, dissolving it into my body as the forest did. I felt the priest''s power flow into me, return to me. It was my power. It felt like the life that they''d taken from me. It felt good.

    "This won''t save you."

    I heard screaming and the priests scattered. I wouldn''t let them go. I shifted through the forest and cut them off, consuming them, tearing them, dissolving them. I ate like the forest forced me to eat fruit, gorging myself on the lives of these small men. No more would they abandon helpless girls in this...

    "Hell. You are in hell, and you belong here."

    They would never throw a child in a wagon while their desperate father chased them to the edge of the city. One by one I hunted them, and they felt the fear they had given me. I found them and then they felt nothing. I consumed them all like so much steaming meat and my fury grew. This wasn''t the last time. More priests came, and more priests were hunted. Sometimes the forest protected them, sometimes it failed. I grew stronger and the forest couldn''t punish me anymore.

    "Do you think you are winning?"

    This continued. For days. For months. For years. I don''t really know. But the war continued. One day, I felt something new, an edge. A border. An end. The end of this relentless torture.

    "There is no home for you out there."

    I shifted to it, and... emerged from the forest into the night. The first night I can remember seeing in a lifetime. I had escaped and I felt true joy for the first time since I stood in front of that old shop with my father. I wanted to literally leap for joy but... I couldn''t. That''s right, I had no legs anymore. I had nothing. I couldn''t face my father like that. I wasn''t worried, it was a long time since I had taken control of my body.

    I tried to change back but... I couldn''t. I couldn''t... remember. I didn''t know how. I didn''t know what I should look like. When had I started adapting only to the forest''s attacks instead of maintaining my body? It must have been years. I tried to form an arm and succeeded but it was wrong. I formed a leg but I couldn''t maintain it. I could build temporary, fake limbs, but that was it. My joy was drowned by anguish. I couldn''t go back. I had gone too far, in more ways than one.

    "This is the only home left for you."

    With the agony of hopelessness, I turned back to the forest. I used my temporary limbs to pull myself back to the only place I could ever belong again.

    "Welcome home."

 Chapter 13 - Sarafynas Solace

    I had been alone, excepting the priests, for so long. I didn''t realize I wasn''t the only one here. When my abilities grew, however, I started to notice other presences in the forest. They weren''t priests; they didn''t have the energy priests had. Each of them was isolated, and as I observed the movements of the forest I realized it was keeping them that way. Even when they got close the forest would shift around them and keep them apart.

    I must have passed by some of them dozens, no, hundreds of times as I wandered the forest. But the forest couldn''t hide them from me anymore. I shifted to one of them and found them only a few hundred paces away. I didn''t have the precision to land next to them, and the forest moved them away before I could get to them. I followed and the forest reacted. It was the same sick game it played when I hunted priests.

    I shifted again and used my temporary limbs to close the distance in an instant. The forest still kept them from me. It was faster than it ever had been when moving the priests, like it cared more about keeping me from its other victims than keeping me from mine. I pushed harder. I learned to use the trees and landscape to propel myself faster. I pushed myself to my limits and further, day after day, until I finally reached my goal.

    I shifted and closed in on the other presence until I was right in front of them. It was... horrifying. I had never seen my reflection; I''m not sure I would have been able to handle it. In a sick way, that''s exactly what I found myself looking at. Not literally, this person looked completely different, but their eyes were the same. Their legs had been shortened and their back bent, and joints had been added into their arms. This form forced them to constantly crouch, but didn''t provide them the support to do so. They looked like they were constantly struggling not to fall over.

    It wasn''t their body that reflected mine, however. It was their desperation. The agony, the sorrow, and the hopelessness. They looked surprised to see me, but they didn''t react past that. They said nothing, and they did nothing.

    "You won''t find any friends here."

    I tried to approach it, but I felt the forest exert pressure on it. It opened its mouth and began to scream and I shifted back. The message was clear. Back off, or they suffer. I realized they couldn''t fight back like I could. I resigned myself and moved back into the forest, leaving them alone. I was furious. I wasn''t allowed to even grieve with someone else. I thought about the look in their eyes before I left. The hopelessness and the longing I recognized creeping over me every day. The desire for it to just... end.

    "That will never happen."

    I knew the forest wouldn''t allow that, however. It wouldn''t let anyone out so easily. It had complete control over everyone but me. At that moment, I decided I would never let it win. One day, I would burn it to the fucking ground. I wouldn''t give up and I wouldn''t resign myself to hoping for death. I would be the great enemy of this... what was the word... hell. I would grow stronger. I would fight harder, and I would take everything from it.

    I began to devour the forest with greater vigor. I absorbed its power, day after day. I learned to tap into it. To grow my own flowerbeds and trees. I hunted priests whenever I could. I got stronger and better at finding them. The forest was becoming my domain. My hunting ground. I owned it nearly as much as it owned itself. In exchange, I gave up more humanity each day. I hated myself for it but I didn''t matter anymore. I feared what I was becoming, but so did the fucking forest.

    I lost my connection to anything but that one goal. I lost the ability to see, to feel what I touched, or to taste. I didn''t even breathe anymore. I could still feel the energy of the forest and the energy of the priests. I realized the other residents of the forest had another energy I could see them by, but the forest suppressed it, tried to hide it from me. It didn''t matter, I wouldn''t bother them again.

    "You can''t hurt me. You are mine."

    I thought I had given up my past life entirely. I thought this was all there was left for me. Consuming the forest until there was nothing left. I was wrong. The monotony my life had become broke in an instant. I felt something, an energy like I had never encountered before. Something... just out of reach, no, just outside of the forest. It was... hope.

    It felt like a warm room on a rainy day. A savage storm thrashing in rage and a mother''s safe arms in the center. It cried out to me; it invited me. It wanted to give me everything I had ever lost. It carried the promise of my father, of my hat shop, of my old forgotten home. More than that, it carried the promise of fire and blood. It wanted to scrub the stain of my loss from this world. It offered to hold me in one arm while it crushed the forest''s life with the strength of the other.

    I felt life again. I felt my future and my past like they existed for the first time in years. I wanted more. Whatever this energy was, it convinced me I deserved more; I could have more. I shifted. I ran toward it. I wanted to bask in it. For the second time, I left the forest.

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    "You are mine, Sarafyna. I will kill her."

    I felt its attention on me, I felt its energy reach out to me and... dissipate. I ran towards it as fast as I could and it ran. I followed and it shifted. I didn''t understand. It invited me but it fled from me. I followed and it changed direction. I adapted and... it entered the forest. I couldn''t understand but I followed. I made sure I entered at the same point and used every tool I could to close the gap. I threw myself from tree to tree, absorbing their energy as I did.

    It suddenly shifted directions and moved toward me and I felt pure joy until... it missed me. It passed directly under me and ran the other way. I felt the energy reach out around me again, but again it dissipated before it could get near me. I just wanted to touch it. A moment later the energy somehow created a wall between us. I didn''t care; I lept over it.

    Another wall was created and the energy stopped in front of me. It seemed to have started attacking the forest for some reason and I was filled with glee as I could discern the forest''s pain. The energy pushed into a massive tree and I felt the forest tear and rage. For the first time, I felt all the other presences in the forest gathering in one place. The forest was bringing them together for some reason. I didn''t care what it tried, I could tell this energy wouldn''t be stopped.

    A tree was torn from the forest, and the energy... threw it at me. I felt myself being thrown across the forest and my heart cried out as I flew away from the energy. I crashed into a cluster of trees and slid across the forest floor as I landed.

    "She rejected you!"

    It... she? She couldn''t have rejected me. She was inviting me. She was offering me help. I could still feel her energy, but... she had somehow thrown herself into the sky. I tracked her through the forest and followed her wherever she went. I could shift to her but... I''d just find myself in the sky. Instead, I just followed her from the ground. She would land eventually.

    I was right, she did land. I was about to shift to her but I felt something else. Two more presences. They had a similar energy to the other victims of the forest but... more alive? I felt the energy, or the woman, approach them. I suddenly remembered the same energies had been near the first time I felt her. I realized they must be her friends. I had forgotten about friends. I paused for a moment and just felt their energies interact. I longed to be one of them, but I waited and observed.

    Until I felt the forest reaching for her. It wanted to take her from me. I felt her reaching back and panicked. I shifted to her and ran to close the remaining distance at full speed. I strengthened my limbs to leap faster, but she was too quick. She threw herself and her friends back into the sky. I couldn''t let her go. I threw myself between the trees and followed her, even throwing myself into the sky after her. She was too far. I reached out an arm for her, and as it failed to reach I extended it. I grew it to the limits of my ability and almost reached... but the earth reclaimed its hold on me and I began to fall. She was gone again.

    I didn''t understand why she was fleeing me... but then it clicked. The other victims in the forest couldn''t feel energy like I did, maybe she couldn''t either. To her, I was just... whatever I was. Of course she ran from me. I turned myself into a monster whose only skill was killing. I needed to communicate with her.

    I continued to track her when I noticed something disturbing. The forest was doing something. It was gathering its victims in one spot and... changing one of them. Adapting it. I examined its intent more closely and realized it was making them an offer. It would let them near her. Near each other and... it wouldn''t protect them. Like me, they looked like monsters, and if they attacked her, it would let her kill them.

    It was preying on the one hope it had left them to hurt the only hope I had left. This made me furious. She could help you! I don''t know how I knew, but I knew. She could help me too. We could help everyone, together. Eventually, I felt her land and the trap sprung. She didn''t run from these ones, for some reason. She fought them. But she was stronger than the forest expected. She overpowered everything it threw at her. She hurt it directly and its fury grew.

    The fighting went on and on and she was untouched. As it drew to a close, I noticed something. Priests had entered the forest. The forest shifted them to her. It wanted to enlist them as a new attack but... she was too strong. I felt as her friends ran to the priests and she followed. I felt when the priests tried to use their pressure on them and I shifted nearby to protect them, but paused. She was fine. She shrugged it off as easily as I did.

    To my immense glee, she threw one of them into the sky fast enough that he died in an instant. She seemed to engage with the other priests a little, before easily killing them as well. All but one were dead in seconds. I began to understand the furious storm surrounding her warm core. She left the final priest alive but trapped, and hovered at the back of the wagon for a while. I couldn''t understand, the wagon was empty except for some kind of food from the forest.

    I was going to move to stop her from eating it, but she didn''t. She just waited there for a while, then went and spoke to her friends. Eventually, she freed the remaining priest to speak to him. I worried she was going to leave the priest alive, and I wanted to prove I was her ally. I ran. I ran with all my strength and took the priest. I absorbed him and used all my power to form something I hadn''t used in years. A mouth.

    This time, she didn''t run, and I tried to speak with her, to ask her for help. No sound came out. I didn''t know how to make sound. I shook in frustration. I tried again and again but no sound was created. I tried again and again. I focused on forming my lips but I had no air to create sound. I tried forming a tongue. I couldn''t make a sound, but I could try to mouth the words.

    Help me. Help me. Help me help me help me help me. I couldn''t tell if I was forming the words right. I grew desperate and her friends ran to her. I don''t know how I could tell, but at a certain point, I realized she had understood. A change in her energy told me she knew I wanted help, and she wanted to help me. After a moment, she approached me. She put her hand on me and I finally felt the embrace of the hope she offered.

 Chapter 14 - Escape and Tension

    Lillith

    I want to build a bed of lavender and collapse on it. Helping this woman was like a balm for my soul after the day I''ve had but it was also the most exhausting thing I''ve ever done. As a former grad student, that is not an insignificant thing to say. Alas, I have far too many things to worry about to sleep. Peter is still waiting in the wagon, probably terrified, the twins have probably been traumatized for life, and this woman... Sarafyna likely needs the expertise of a few professions that don''t exist yet.

    More important than any of that, however, are these fucking woods. I want to burn them to the ground and salt the filthy earth but after the fight I just finished with it, I know I can''t. Not yet. It took everything Sarafyna and I had together to overcome its will, and that was to help her. We''d never be able to do the same for any victims like the ones I... encountered earlier. The undertaking of finding and helping every single one of them, convincing them we can help them, and gambling that we actually can? It tears me apart from the inside out to admit, but it''s far beyond me. For now.

    Right now, I need to get Sarafyna and these kids out of here. If there is help to be had, I want to get it for all of them. I have at least one unpleasant conversation to have with all of them and I need to know they are safe. I can''t tell how old Sarafyna is, but she needs protection just as much as the children do, if for different reasons. I feel a boiling rage as I watch her rubbing her hands against her face and head. Hers is a story I don''t know, but it crushes me all the same.

    In any case, we need to get out, and I think she can get us there. I feel sick; today has been one of the worst of my lives, but I have been trying to sound relaxed and comfortable so she will feel the same. It''s hardly enough to ask her what I need to, however. ''Hey, I know you just now got your human body back for the first time in who knows how long, and I know you are exhausted beyond belief, but I''m gonna need you to do me a favor real quick'' doesn''t sound quite right.

    I do need to ask her somehow though. I open my mouth to respond to her, wanting to at least get properly acquainted before asking, but this worry resolves itself. Without warning she jerks her head up and looks around. Her eyes are... swollen over but it seems like she can still see somehow. I don''t have a chance to ask her what the problem is before the forest shifts around us and we find ourselves just outside the treeline, about four hundred yards from what looks like a public road.

    "Sssorryy," she apologizes, "it wwwasss goooiing t-to at-tack uuussss." I look at her with a hint of shock and disorientation for a moment, then I notice the trees shaking, and decide it''s time we move on.

    "Thank you, Sarafyna," I gently encourage, and she just nods absent-mindedly. She seems... out of it, like she isn''t certain this is reality. It will probably be that way for a while, if it ever changes. "We need to get away from the woods now. Will you... come with us?" I offer and she hesitates. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a horrified look assault Autumn''s face and I wince. I really need to sit down and talk to the twins.

    She looks directly at me, despite her eyes being unusable. "M-mmooonnsssterrr" she answers and my stomach churns. I understand the fear. We can... probably fix her up better without the forest''s interference. There was something weird about her but I don''t think she is only referring to her appearance. I glance at the Twins who are glaring at both of us, and I remember the priest she devoured.

    "No," I answered, "not from what I''ve seen. You''re no monster. I can feel what you are. It radiates from you like a fire in a winter storm. You are hurting. You are in more pain than anyone should ever have to bear. But you are strong enough to come back. I don''t know what you had to do in there, but I know what I saw you do. Fighting back doesn''t make you a monster. What happened to your body certainly doesn''t make you a monster. I don''t think you are a monster. You are safe with me," I promise.

    She looks at me, then at the twins. I follow her gaze and see the horror in their eyes. "They are kids, Sarafyna," I say, "and they don''t understand... what happened to you. I will talk to them. Can we get away from the forest first?" Hesitantly, she nods, and I give the twins a meaningful look, promising I will explain myself when we are safe. They look more than a little skeptical, but they don''t have anywhere else to go. A petty part of me wants to be irritated with them, but they are children. They were chased by what looked like an eldritch abomination and watched it eat a man. I can only ask so much of them.

    "August, can you drive a wagon?" I ask and he just stares at me like I asked him if he wanted tea in the middle of a battle. "I''m sorry. I really am. Today never should have happened to you two. But it did. We have weeks to work through it, and I promise I will keep you safe. Right now, I want to get as far away from these woods as we can, so, can you drive a wagon?" I ask again, more insistently.

    After a moment, he snaps out of it, "Y-yeah, I can do that," he responds and I nod. Well, that''s something. We have a way to get to the capital. I walk around to the back of the wagon.

    "Peter, are you ok," I ask and realize he is hiding behind the corn again. "It''s safe, you are safe," I assure him. For a moment, I only hear nervous shuffling, but he does emerge again, holding his hand against the side of the wagon to guide him.

    "Is it over?" he asks and I nod, before realizing I am an idiot.

    "It''s over," I answer. "We are leaving the woods." He tenses up for a moment before asking me a question.

    "The priests?" he responds, clear apprehension in his voice. I hesitate for a moment.

    "... Gone," I answer. "It''s just me and a few friends now." He visibly relaxes, slumps down onto the seat at the side of the wagon, and starts crying into his sleeves.

    "It''s alright," I assure him. "I''ve got you, may I hug you?" I want to comfort him but suddenly wrapping my arms around him is more likely to cause panic than anything. He nods, almost eagerly, and I pull him into my arms. I allow him to cry for a minute, but I have to attend to other things. I gently release him and ask, "We are headed to Visenar, the capital. Can you tell me where you are from?"

    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

    He shakes his head, "I don''t know what it''s called," he answers and I remember how long it was before I even knew the name of Satusmor. Most commoners don''t travel much and the city they are raised in is their whole world. "But it doesn''t matter. I wasn''t allowed to go home anyway," he bitterly adds. That''s right, he was probably in a house of penance before here. Sarafyna too. If I brought him home, he would just end up back in the forest.

    "Would you like to come with us?" I ask and he pauses. He allows the question to hang in the air for a moment before answering with a question of his own.

    "If I''m with you, will I still have to go to the temple?" he pleads, apprehension in his voice. I frown slightly at his fear. He is too young to be this afraid of anything real, but he''s right. Still, he seemed to respect the rules the priests gave him. The combination of obedience and fear of the same group paints a grim picture of the poor kid''s past.

    "No," I promise, "In fact, I''d really prefer you didn''t." I can see relief and hope dancing across his face. After another moment, he shrugs before answering.

    "Alright, I''ll come with you," he acquiesces. I sigh in relief and start looking around the wagon. Aside from the corn, I find the priest''s luggage and start to dig through it.

    "I''m glad to hear that, Peter," I respond as I dig through the priest''s things. "We''ll be headed off soon, make yourself comfortable. And, don''t try to eat the corn." I doubt he would, corn is pretty hard to eat raw, but you never know. I find what I am looking for and pull out a more casual priest''s robe. I pat Peter on the shoulder to reassure him, then climb out of the wagon.

    Sarafyna is still naked. It''s not exactly risqu�� with the current state of her body but she still deserves the dignity of clothing. "Here," I say as I approach her. Her eyes are still covered but she still extends her hand to meet mine, accepting the robe. "I realize it''s probably not exactly your style, but it''s something." She immediately begins to pull the robe over her head. It is fortunately fairly baggy, so it doesn''t get too tight anywhere.

    "T-Thhankss," she says. She seemed to have an easier time speaking than a moment ago and I''m relieved she is getting the hang of it again. I''m fairly certain she has everything she needs to speak normally, which indicates it has been a very long time since she has used them.

    "Come on," I invite, and lead her to the wagon while August familiarizes himself with the horses. "Peter, this is Sarafyna," I introduce and she suddenly jerks her head toward the wagon as Peter stands.

    "Pleased to meet you, I''m Peter," he says bowing a little and only missing her direction by a little. Sarafyna is frozen, just staring toward the wagon without response. Peter looks concerned at the lack of response and addresses me, "Um... is she there?" I examine Sarafyna in concern.

    "Is everything alright?" I query, and she shakes herself out of her apparent shock.

    "It''ss okayy," she answers, even more clearly. "Nice to mmeeet yyouu, P-Peter." Interestingly, her nod also misses Peter by just a little. I understand she probably can''t see right now, but she seems to know exactly where the rest of us are. Interesting. "Aare wee at the wagonn?" she asks and It''s my turn to jump.

    "Right, sorry, let me help you," I agree, then climb up into the wagon to help guide her into it. Autumn has approached and is staring between me, Sarafyna, and Peter with a mixture of fear, concern, and disgust. As Sarafyna successfully climbs into the wagon, I wonder at the extent of her sight. She jumped between trees with pinpoint precision when she had no eyes at all, but now needed help climbing into the wagon. The nature of her sight warrants further investigation. "Come on up Autumn," I invite and she gawks at me.

    "Look Lillith, I don''t know how... or why you made that... thing look human, but I am not riding in a wagon with it. I can''t believe you are letting it near that boy!" she practically snarls. I see Peter start and Sarafyna start at the same time and I groan.

    "You have it backward, I didn''t make her look human, Autumn," I say. I wanted to hide the nature of the forest from the twins as long as possible, or at least until they had time to process today''s events, but the situation has changed. "The forest made her look like a monster. She has always been human," I explain.

    "Wait, what? What are you talking about," she protests, "It was chasing us, it killed that priest! It... ate him!" She looks horrified and I can tell she has more to say but we need to get away from the woods.

    "I get it, I understand. I understand why you are scared and I promise I won''t let anything happen to you, but it isn''t safe here. Tonight, I will explain everything. About the forest, about Sarafyna, and about the priests. Alright?" I have been asking her to trust me just a little longer all day, through horror after horror, and I can see that trust is close to breaking. The fear of the forest is stronger, however, and she reluctantly nods. "Thank you. If you like, you can ride up front with your brother."

    She seems relieved, and runs around to the front of the wagon. I climb to the front of the wagon where I can see the front seats from the back. August has also taken up his position in the driver''s seat and I call up to him, "Are we ready to go?" He looks back toward me and reluctantly nods.

    "Yeah, I can get us out of here," he agrees and I nod back.

    "Good, let''s find a place to camp, and I will explain everything I can to you." He simply nods, and we finally depart, driving away from the godforsaken forest. I glare back at it. I will return, and it will not survive my next visit. I idly pick up a piece of corn and push mana into it. I don''t know what I was expecting, but it wasn''t this. I have to bite my tongue and fight back vomit as I realize what it is I''m holding.

    "D-don''t eat that!" Sarafyna exclaims and I jump. Apparently, she can see what I am holding as well. I have a feeling I know how she is seeing, but I''ll have time to ask her about it as we drive. I''m impressed by how quickly she is regaining her ability to speak. She didn''t have a throat an hour ago but she had spoken fairly clearly just now.

    "You couldn''t tie me down and force me to eat this," I assure her, and I mean it. I would sooner eat shit, or even a pear, a thought which makes me shudder. She seems to relax as I put the corn back. "The first thing we are doing when we stop is burning all of this." She relaxes a great deal at that promise.

    "Thank you," she says. "For everything." She seems entirely back to normal. This woman is adaptable as fuck.

    "We didn''t quite finish, we can try and completely heal you now if you want," I offer, and she actually smiles a little.

    "I''d like that," she warmly agrees and I hold my hand out. She gives me hers and I push my mana through her. There is no one fighting us now, and I am still partially empowered by the forest, if not to the same extent. I am able to fix a few more things. Her joints straighten out, which is a fascinating thing to watch. The growths all over her, however, do not. I can''t seem to affect them at all, they resist my magic like the woman in the forest had. "I''m sorry," I say, "I don''t think I can do any more than that."

    She just smiles at me again. "I had a feeling," she dismisses, "Don''t worry. You have done... everything for me. I can handle the rest on my own... eventually." I know more about the human body than her, but it seems she knows more about the cause of these. I just nod.

    "Glad to hear you getting the hang of the new pipes," I say casually and she gives me that same gentle, heartbreaking smile. I want to hear her story, but it would be better to hear it with everyone present. We ride in silence for what feels like a half hour or so. Eventually, August stops. It is time to set up camp and start a dangerous conversation with the twins.

 Chapter 15 - Campfire Stories

    We set up camp in silence. The priests, having a larger party, also had more tents. We set up three. One for Autumn and me, one for August and Peter, and one for Sarafyna. That arrangement may change depending on how this evening goes, but three tents will do in any case. Since we are still near enough to the forest, and I have Sarafyna and Peter here with me, my mana is still quite powerful. It takes very little time to get the entire camp set up.

    The twins avoid both Sarafyna and Peter for different reasons as we set up. They clearly fear Sarafyna but I suspect they just don''t interact with younger kids often. I find the priest''s travel supplies which, upon inspection, prove safe to eat. I make food for Peter first and get him settled in his tent. Instead of gathering firewood, I build seats in a circle with earth magic. I use light mana in the center and heat mana in a bubble around camp. I use a sound barrier to prevent Peter from hearing the upcoming conversation as well.

    The twins wait for Sarafyna to choose a seat, then find their own on the opposite side. I sigh and sit in the remaining seat. We all sit in silence for a few moments, staring at each other, waiting for someone else to speak first. I am about to break the silence when the twins, overcome with anxiety, beat me to it.

    "Who is the kid?" August bursts out.

    Autumn immediately follows up with, "What''s wrong with his eyes?" I open my mouth again to answer but they don''t let up.

    "What was up with the forest," August adds.

    "What were those monsters?" Autumn continues. They keep this up for a while, alternating questions in rapid succession. August, then Autumn, then August, and so forth.

    "How did you use magic that powerful?"

    "Why did you kill that woman before?"

    "Did you have to kill the priests?"

    "What do you mean that... thing has always been human?"

    "How did we get out of the woods?"

    "Why couldn''t we before?"

    I hold my arms up to indicate I need them to slow down, "Hold up, I''ll answer all your questions, alright, just give me a chance to!" I exclaim and the two, mouths still open, pause for a moment. They give each other that look I have grown familiar with, then nod together.

    "Alright," August agrees, "But I reserve the right to interrupt you with more questions." I rub my temple but nod in assent. Having won a moment of quiet, I pause to think through what I want to say. They look at me expectantly and I take a deep breath.

    "I think," I finally begin, "the best place to start is with Peter. The kid, as you said. More specifically, with your question about his eyes."

    "Fine, what''s wrong with them, why can''t he see?" Autumn interjects, genuine curiosity in her voice. I turn to look at her and plan my question out before I speak.

    "He''s blind. By the looks of it, probably due to an infection. He was probably born with sight, but not everyone is. There are any number of reasons someone might be blind," I explain, and this time it''s August''s turn to interrupt.

    "People aren''t just... born without sight Lillith! The Collector wouldn''t deny someone sight from birth! I''ve never heard of anyone being ''blind'' before!" he protests and I nod along.

    "Right. You haven''t. You''ve never heard of anyone without sight, or hearing, or the ability to use their legs. Have you ever wondered why?" I ask.

    "Because it just... doesn''t happen. We are designed with eyes to see and ears to hear. Why would the Collector even give us legs that didn''t work?" Autumn challenges.

    "Alright," I allow. I don''t want to get sidetracked by religion at this point and it doesn''t matter for this point. "So what about people like Peter? What about people who lose these abilities later? Have you ever heard of someone with just one arm or leg? What about someone who had lost their eyes? Even just one? Have you ever met anyone like that, ever?"

    This question is met with silence and I can see the twin''s brows furrow in unison. "I didn''t think so. Of course you haven''t. Almost no one has. It''s not like you don''t know what a sword is. You know that weapons, spells, and wars exist. You know not every injury is lethal, and not every injury can be perfectly healed. So why have you never seen someone that was disabled in any way?"

    The twins look uncomfortable with this line of questioning and August responds, "You''re right. We haven''t. And I can''t explain that, but what does it have to do with... everything?"

    I nod at him, "It has... everything to do with today. Because those people don''t just disappear. They are easy to hide, sure. No one wants to think about them. No one wants to help them. They are inconvenient and uncomfortable. But they don''t just disappear," I answer. Then I begin to tell them about the houses of penance. The old neglected homes for those society has decided they don''t want to worry about.

    I tell them about Diana and Ozzy, victims of the disregard of the rich. I tell them about Abby and her mother, who were abused and owned by Baldwin. And I tell them about the priests. The divine magic that steals people''s minds and tries to rule their bodies. I tell them what Diana said about the residents of the house of penance and how the priests eventually collect them. I tell them how they feared being healed and being abandoned in the woods.

    Stolen novel; please report.

    The twins dutifully listen, disbelief, disgust, and horror chasing each other across their faces. "So you are saying," Autumn answers, "the temple is taking these people, controlling their minds, and eventually abandoning them to be killed by the monsters?"

    "They threaten them with that and leave them in the woods anyway?" August adds. My heart breaks. I didn''t want to tell them what their mistake was. These were the terrified children who huddled behind me as I slaughtered monsters. They would never be the same after that, and knowing what had really happened? No child their age should be exposed to knowledge like that. But they have a right to know. Especially if I am going to ask them to keep my secrets, they have a right to know why.

    "No," I answer, unable to keep the boiling venom from my voice, "I told you, didn''t I? Priest''s magic is used to change people. To rule their bodies. To own them and dement them in whatever way they want. Divine magic can be used to impose their will over other people''s flesh. The temple doesn''t abandon people to the monsters. The temple abandons them to become the monsters."

    I watch confusion turn to horror, then anger as they process the claim. "No," August denies. "That''s not true. That can''t be true. You''re wrong. You''re fucking lying! How could you possibly know that!"

    I shake my head as he speaks. "I''m sorry, August," I answer, "but it''s the truth. I examined the bodies the same way I examined the flowers. Those were human beings, distorted by divine magic. They were victims of the temple, abandoned to... hell." In the corner of my eye, I notice Sarafyna start and turn her head to me, but I continue talking to the twins. "What do you think Peter was doing in that wagon? Why do you think the priests attacked us? Why do you think you lost time when speaking to them?"

    "The Collector would never allow that, not from his own servants!" Autumn protests. I was waiting for this question. For much of this life, I wasn''t sure whether the Collector was real or not. I am now inclined to believe he is. My leading hypothesis, in fact, is that we just met him. I don''t have enough data to substantiate this, but I certainly can''t dismiss it either. That is not the correct answer for this situation, however.

    "One thing you''ll find, with servants of Gods," I start, strategically planning my response, "is you can''t necessarily trust them to actually serve their god. At least, not with the dedication they serve themselves. That''s not universal, of course. Emeric is a very kind priest and I doubt he has any idea about this. But when you prop a man up with the authority of the omnipotent... it becomes pretty easy for that man to use it to elevate himself instead. Just because you have faith in the Collector doesn''t mean you have to trust priests."

    This seems to placate Autumn a little. I''ll ease into the idea that her god is a tyrant worthy of death, assuming she still speaks to me after tonight. August is about to ask another question but Sarafyna speaks up for the first time. "May I say something?" she asks. The twins tense up and Autumn is obviously going to deny her until I see realization dawn. She put the pieces together about who Sarafyna is now.

    "Please," I invite, and Sarafyna nods.

    "What your friend is saying... well I don''t know about all of it, but I think it''s true. I was never sent to a house of penance. But if you''ll listen, I can tell you my story." The inherent question goes unanswered for a moment, but the silence is broken by August.

    "Alright, I''d like to hear it," he says. That is an excellent sign. There is another brief moment of quiet as Sarafyna takes a deep breath.

    "A long time ago," she begins, "I was just a girl who wanted to open a hat shop..." She goes into a story that sends directionless adrenaline through my body. As she tells me more of her story my nails draw blood from my palms. I nearly vomit when she tells me she survived off the fruit of the forest. Her story is a hard one to listen to and I feel tears running down my cheeks with every detail. With each new pang of grief comes a fresh wave of fury. At a certain point, my control over my mana falters, and I see the twin''s eyes widen. Beads of sweat form on their heads under the pressure of my mana and I have to take deep breaths to regain enough control to suppress it.

    The twins don''t seem to enjoy the story any more than I do, but I can see it is getting through to them. August seems to realize first, who it was that freed us from the Radiant woods, and Autumn a moment later. On the occasions Sarafyna mentions her father I can hear her voice waver. At their core, the twins are kind people. A flesh monster couldn''t imitate the suppression of emotional agony like this, and I could see her humanity was growing harder to deny.

    As her story ends, she is met with silence. I want to wrap my arms around her like a hurt child but I can sense she wouldn''t welcome being touched right now.

    "I- I''m sorry," Autumn finally says and I can hear her attempt to fight tears in her words. "I shouldn''t have called you a thing I was just..."

    "It''s alright," Sarafyna cuts her off, "anyone would say the same." I remember her calling herself a monster earlier. There is more meaning in that than the twins realize, I think.

    The conversation goes on for several more hours. I struggle to explain why the people in the woods attacked us, and why I killed the last one. Sarafyna struggles to explain why she killed the priest. We support each other, and eventually, the twins seem to run out of questions. We sit in the heat of my magic in quiet for several minutes and I regret not starting a fire. This is warmer and cleaner, but a fire somehow would have provided more comfort.

    "I... need to think," Autumn eventually says, and August nods. "If it''s all the same, I''ll share a tent with August tonight. We need to talk." I understand and simply nod. The two shamble in exhaustion to an empty tent. Sarafyna and I sit in silence for a while longer.

    I want to help her understand she isn''t a monster, but I think I should let her sleep first. Eventually, she speaks up. "I think... we have a lot to talk about," she says.

    "I think we do," I agree.

    "But, I haven''t slept on a bedroll in... I don''t know how long. There will be time," she says and stands. I stand with her and guide her to the remaining empty tent. Before she enters she turns to me. "Lillith, thank you," she whispers, then disappears inside.

    I stand in the quiet camp for a while. Today was... eternal. I sit back down at the camp. Leaving the sound barrier up, I eventually open my mouth and scream. I have been pushing it down all day. The people I killed today, the things I learned... they are just... Too. Fucking. Much. So I scream. As loud as I can and with all the emotion I have been suppressing all day. I scream until I have no energy for it, and allow it to morph into quiet crying. I couldn''t even name a specific thing I am crying about but I need it.

    There are times in life when you carry a cry around with you and it needs to find its way out. So I do. I finish the cry for the people I killed in the woods. I cry for Sarafyna. I cry for Autumn and August. I cry for everything that happened in Satusmor. I finally let it out, and the tears do all they can to heal me. I spend at least an hour there, letting the light go and only maintaining the warmth.

    Finally, I get up and move to the wagon. I throw the filthy corn out, surrounding it with walls of earth for now. I don''t want to disturb any of the others, and I curl up to sleep in the back of the wagon.

 Chapter 16 - Moving Forward

    I wake up before anyone else. I kick myself for not arranging some kind of watch schedule last night, but I don''t know if any of us could have really managed it anyway. Based on the moon, it doesn''t look like I slept more than three hours. My entire body is sore in a way it rarely has been in this life, and my eyes bear the scars of a night of crying. I rub my neck and observe the camp. It remains quiet.

    I decide to make breakfast, if there is any to be had. A quick search of the priest''s belongings reveals some travel rations but nothing fresh, which makes sense. It is what it is, and I collect what I can use. There is at least enough for a few weeks of travel, although we should be a bit further than that from the capital. We''ll hunt if we run out. We certainly aren''t eating that fucking corn.

    In fact, before anything else, I open a hole in the earth I used to store the corn. I flood the makeshift storage with heat mana. This close to the Radiant Woods, it takes little effort to incinerate the lot of it. I then bury the remains far under the earth and wash my hands of it. The priests must have partially been in the forest to collect it, which puzzles me now that I think of it.

    If Peter was there to be abandoned, why collect the corn first? In Sarafyna''s story, they had just thrown her from the wagon without even stopping. I don''t want to think about what they wanted grey-matter-enhanced corn for, although I have a theory, but the issue with Peter elevates the issue for me. I glance at his tent with narrowed, if puffy, eyes. I need to hear his story.

    My worries are interrupted as Sarafyna emerges from her tent, and approaches me. "You''re up early," I greet. "I don''t mind if you sleep longer, I have things handled here." She gently shakes her head as she approaches me.

    "I don''t sleep much anymore. It hasn''t been safe in a long time, and... my dreams aren''t as kind as they once were," she answers and I nod. I can understand that better than most, although her nightmares are likely much worse than mine. I gather some of the priest''s wood in a firepit and use heat mana to light it.

    I use force mana to hover stale bread and hard cheese over the flames and allow them to toast together. "Fair enough," I answer. I just continue preparing the food, adding some for her. If she has something to say, she will. She just sits next to me for a few moments before speaking again.

    "You... have a unique perspective on the world," she says and I smile. That''s an understatement in this world. "I told you, yesterday, what I felt from you. Why I came and found you. I can still feel it, you know." I glance at her and raise an eyebrow. "I know you''ve helped me more than I''d ever hoped already..." she trails off and I understand.

    "We''re already even," I answer the unspoken concern, "Without you, I would never have left those woods."

    "You wouldn''t have been there in the first place without me," she challenges and I scoff.

    "I thought you said you could feel the emotion in my mana? We both know I was always going to end up there," I retort.

    She tilts her head in acknowledgment, conceding the point. "That''s what I want to talk about, actually," she says. I suppose I can understand that. I don''t answer her right away, however. Instead, I pull the bread covered with the now melted cheese toward us and offer her a slice. She can''t see it, but I see the moment she realizes what I am offering her.

    She gratefully accepts and hesitantly takes a bite. She chews for several moments before continuing, and I see water running down her cheeks. I suppose this is probably the finest meal she has had in years. I let her enjoy it for a while, and she slowly eats the entire thing. After wiping her face with her sleeve, she speaks again. "I''m sorry," she says, "It''s a small thing, but it''s something I thought I had lost forever."

    "You didn''t lose it," I retort with vitriol, "it was taken from you." She nods and I see her fists clench.

    "You''re right. And that''s what I want to ask you about. It was taken from me. Everything was," she answers. I can hear anger rising in her voice as she speaks. "My father, my dreams. Even my visits to my mother''s grave. And the people who took it all have names. They have homes..." I feel her pained fury as she speaks and I answer her question before she has to ask it.

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    "Not for long," I respond. I''ll help her. I was never going to let people like that continue to draw breath anyway, and they are a major obstacle in my own plans. She and I talk for the next few hours. She describes the men at her confession to me and answers some questions I have about the woods. Some of her answers alter my strategy a great deal. Eventually, she and I make a few plans together, and as the sun rises, I see a genuine smile from her. I can''t offer her complete safety and security, but I can offer her justice.

    The light wakes the twins first, and they emerge from their tent as well. They awkwardly approach the fire and sit down with us. "Autumn and I talked about everything last night," August says, "and I''ll be honest. We are scared. We don''t understand everything, and we just... don''t know how to process it..." Autumn cuts in as he trails off.

    "But we at least understand why you did what you did in there. We know we are safe with you... both of you," she admits. "And we want you to know you can trust us. We need more time to think everything through, but we won''t do or say anything to hurt either of you." I give them a half smile. They could be lying because they are afraid of me, but I don''t think they are. They really are good kids.

    "Thanks," I respond, "that means a lot to me. So you''ll keep traveling with us?" They both nod and I release some tension I have been carrying. That will make things a lot easier. Peter emerges as well at this point and comes to join us. I begin preparing food for all of them and they eat breakfast in silence. Peter remains too nervous to speak and I don''t blame him. I wonder if Sarafyna and I can heal his sight? I''ll have to ask her later. If he lets us, anyway. I''m also not certain Sarafyna has ever tried her abilities on someone else''s body, at least to do anything but dissolve it.

    "August, we need to head east," I finally say, breaking the silence. He looks at me with confusion.

    "Visenar is north," he says, "we still have to go to the Academy, Lillith."

    "I know," I answer, shaking my head, "look around you. We are nowhere near where we entered the woods. I spoke to Sarafyna this morning, and we came out in the wrong spot. We have to go east to get to Visenar." He gives me an odd look at this explanation, but eventually just sighs deeply and accepts it.

    We pack up the camp and load everything up in the newly empty wagon. We don''t have many things of our own so it''s easy to do. I''d kill for a bath but there is no water near us and creating enough ice for it would exhaust August. With nothing more to do, we find ourselves on the road fairly quickly. Autumn has elected to ride up front with August again and the rest of us sit in the back.

    I decide to spend the ride practicing magic. I really want to master my radar spell, and I could use a few more aspects. I have been having trouble aspecting mana recently. It feels like I''ve hit some kind of bottleneck and new aspects slip through my fingers like oil. I focus for a long time. I want to add water mana to my toolkit, but I just can''t seem to manage it. I don''t understand the difficulty as my understanding of the concept should be more than thorough enough.

    This goes on for hours and I feel my mana growing weak as our distance from the woods grows. I am growing frustrated when I hear Sarafyna speak, her question echoing my earlier thoughts. "Peter, would you like us to heal your eyes?" she asks. I''m glad to hear she was thinking the same thing I was, and I look toward Peter to see his response.

    "Y-you can do that?" he asks, awe in his voice.

    "I think so," I answer, "if you are ok with it."

    "B-but the priests said only they could... and you got rid of the magic food..." he splutters and I furrow my brow.

    "I have the same power the priests do," Sarafyna encourages but I cut in with a question.

    "The magic food? You mean the corn? The stuff you were hiding behind before?" I interrogate. He tilts his head, then decides to answer me first.

    "Yes ma''am. They said they needed it to make me better. It''s part of my-" he starts before cutting himself off and slapping his hand over his mouth.

    "Peter, do you know how you went blind?" I ask, "Do you remember getting sick, or hurt in any way before it happened?" He looks concerned and doesn''t answer. Sarafyna seems to have picked up the urgency in my tone and remains quiet as well. I decide to ask another question. "Did you ever live with a bunch of other people who were hurt or injured in some way? Maybe older people or anyone who had similar problems to yours?"

    He tilts his head again before shaking it. "No... I''ve never been anywhere like that. We were all just blind..." he trails off. That doesn''t sound like a house of penance. There is something more going on that I need to understand.

    I open my mouth to ask another question when I am bombarded by mana. The wagon suddenly jerks as well. We aren''t under attack, it''s not that kind of mana. No, we are all perfectly safe. It''s no wonder the wagon jerked, this must have taken August by surprise as well. This amount of mana isn''t at my level but it is far more than the twins have. The wagon comes to a stop and after a moment the twins poke their heads into the back of the wagon and gape.

    I don''t blame them, I''m slack-jawed myself. Everyone but Peter stares at Sarafyna. I knew she was a powerful divine mage, but this isn''t divine mana. I have never been able to perceive divine mana if it wasn''t directly interacting with me. This is regular magic. Sarafyna is a mage surpassing a lot of nobles in power.

 Chapter 17 - The Road to Visenar

    "Do you mind suppressing that!?" August exclaims and Autumn''s face mirrors the question. I have an entirely different question, but I''d like to ask it in private. The division between divine magic and regular mana is a little fuzzier for the twins but as far as I know, the two are entirely unrelated. They can interact but they are different types of energy. Based on her story she shouldn''t have mana at all.

    I decide not to correct him, however, and answer for her, "Sorry, August, I''ll take care of things back here. For now, try and focus on the road." As I speak I use my mana to contain hers and protect August from the pressure. He relaxes a little and turns back around.

    "You should really warn us before doing shit like that, you scared me halfway to the third plane!" he complains. Autumn looks at us for a moment longer with a suspicious look, before turning around. I''ll explain it to them later, but I''d like to speak to Sarafyna privately first. I surround us with a sound barrier so we can speak privately and she furrows her brow.

    "What''s the matter, what''s that for?" she asks and partially answers my first question before I can ask it. She can see the sound barrier. She can''t see, but she can see my mana. Even I can''t see mana with my eyes closed. Actually, she had seen my mana from a distance before she had eyes at all, so that much is obvious in hindsight. I review our interactions in my brain and pick out a few things.

    She can''t see Peter. She could see the trees of the forest. She can see me, and the twins. She noticed when I was holding the corn, but that didn''t have any mana in it that I noticed. "Did you know you were a mage?" I ask, beginning my gentle interrogation. As far as I can tell, she seems confused. She answers to the best of her ability, but it becomes clear she doesn''t have a thorough understanding of mana or divine magic. She understands people have different energy, but not the specifics.

    This leads to another long conversation about the Radiant Woods and I form a few more hypotheses about them. The most significant thing I learn is that Sarafyna could see the other victims while she was in the forest. First, this means the forest suppresses and hides the mana of its victims. This explains why her mana suddenly became apparent when we got far enough away. It also means she can see suppressed mana.

    Finally, it isn''t just her; everyone who''s abandoned there becomes a mage. I suppose there are some who don''t but she couldn''t sense them, but she saw enough I can assume the forest is giving them mana somehow. It gives them mana and hides it, or at least hid it while I was there.

    Our last conversation does present enough data for a couple of competing theories, but I find them unlikely. Few commoners have magic, and there is no way enough nobles were banished to the woods to account for the number of magical ''monsters'' in the woods. None of them cast any spells against me but, of course, having mana doesn''t mean being able to use it. Like how possession of a human mind doesn''t indicate the ability to code, read, or practice any other learned skill. That has some grim implications, but it could be useful in the long run.

    "Well, that''s... something," I finally say. "For now, I''ll have to teach you to suppress your mana. And I''d like to do a few experiments. I''ve been assuming you had the same divine mana as priests, but there are some discrepancies. They seem unable to detect divine mana, but you can. They can''t detect suppressed mana either, and yet again, you can. Is this a question of power? Does divine magic have aspects like mana? Is it because of your mana? We don''t know enough about divine mana to guess, and the only priest I really know doesn''t have it. Is that alright with you?"

    She nods, "I don''t mind. I don''t have much left to work toward, any step toward what I do have, I''ll take," she agrees and I wince. I should probably try and think of a way to help her aside from getting justice. That''s not the kind of thing anyone should be saying so blatantly. She needs something else to care about. That''s when our earlier conversation pops back into my head and I drop the sound barrier.

    "Sorry about that Peter," I apologize, "we had something important to talk about. Did you have any time to think about our offer?" Sarafyna seems to remember at the same time and I see her body language brighten a little.

    "It''s alright ma''am," he answers, hope in his voice, "if she can do what the priests can, I think it should be okay if she helps... I uh... would like to try if... you''re still offering..." he says and I grin broadly. With his fear of the priests and his insistence on obeying their previous orders, I had worried he would turn us down. For once, someone was just going to let us help them. I look at Sarafyna and she nods. I put my hand on Peter and Sarafyna doesn''t move.

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    I push my mana into him and feel Sarafyna''s intent alongside mine. She imposes the basic concept of healthy eyes and his body tries to comply, slowly. For my part, I try to address the cause, which seems to be Bacterial Keratitis or something similar. I can''t find evidence of an injury that could have caused it, but I can help heal it. I don''t have the same level of power I had in the woods and I grow weaker with every moment, but weaker isn''t weak. It''s slow, but with effort, I can feel the combination of our abilities is healing him.

    It seems we lack the ability we had in the woods, however. Sarafyna seems to struggle more with changing other people than with herself and I am just less powerful. I notice sweat pouring down her face and withdraw my hand. "That''s all we can do today, I think. How do you feel Peter?" I inquire. He looks directly at me and squints his eyes.

    "I can... I can see something!" he blurts and I grin. I catch a slight upward flick on Sarafyna''s mouth as well, but it doesn''t reach a full smile before Peter follows up with, "It''s just sort of blurry colors, but I can see a little again!" With that news, her mouth turns back down.

    "I''m sorry. I wasn''t strong enough... I wanted to do more-" she starts but I cut her off.

    "That''s normal. I had an... ex with divine mana once. He couldn''t make significant changes in a single day. We have time, we''ll do more," I promise and both of them seem encouraged.

    "I can''t wait..." Peter says under his breath and I affectionately rub his back.

    "You courted someone with divine mana? Was he a priest?" Sarafyna asks, skeptically. "How did that go?"

    "He had too much of a temper. One day he completely lost his head and I just dropped him," I quip.

    "That makes sense," she agrees, "I certainly wouldn''t trust a priest with anger issues," she scowls. That''s the understatement of the century. "Should have killed him..." she scowls under her breath.

    "I''ll tell you the whole story later, when we have a little more privacy," I promise and she tilts her head, at the chuckle in my voice. I have a feeling she''ll appreciate the unabridged story.

    Sarafyna''s mana is the last major shock for the next couple of weeks. We slide into a bit of a routine. Neither Sara nor I sleep long and we often discuss plans while the others sleep. It is on one of these nights that I discover she does in fact appreciate the entire story of my engagement to Baldwin. I even tell her about my grief aspect. She can kind of discern it anyway and even if I couldn''t trust her she would have more to lose from coming forward than I would.

    In the mornings, I help her practice suppressing mana. This takes a lot of work but she makes progress every day. She is the fastest student I have had so far as well; it''s not long before she can successfully hide it without my help. We also explain the difference between divine magic and mana to the twins. This is a bit of a risk, as they learn more about Sara, but less of a risk than them realizing it at the academy after we hide it from them.

    After that, we help Peter recover his sight. He looks forward to this every day and excitedly sits down, practically shaking with excitement while we are still practicing mana suppression. By the end of two weeks, he can see as well as the twins can. "I can see the grass!" he exclaims as we finally get his vision back to normal. He runs away from my hand and hugs Sarafyna. She is the one with ''priest magic'' and gets most of the credit for his healing.

    He doesn''t shy away from her appearance at all, which is a pleasant surprise. She is making progress on this herself, but it is slow going and not perfect. On the wagon, we practice on our own. Sarafyna has been tackling the tumors all over her body. She understands something about them I don''t and prefers to work on them alone. Her right arm is the first she heals. It now lacks the large tumors, although it strongly resembles a bad burn scar. I suspect this is true further into her torso as well. In a month or two, her entire body will still look disfigured, but in a more manageable way.

    I wonder why she didn''t heal the ones holding her eyes shut first, but I allow her to keep her reasons to herself. In my case, I give up on aspecting a new type of mana. I''ve hit a wall and I figure the academy will help me past it. Instead, I continue to alter my own body. My poison blood is useful with enough preparation, but I''d like a similar option for unexpected combat. I don''t want to be caught unaware like Baldwin. As such, I have been growing retractable fangs.

    It''s slow, and extremely uncomfortable, but in a few months I will be poisonous and venomous. If I ever lose magic I will still be deadly. This takes focus and time but isn''t too difficult. In the meantime, I also practice my radar spell. It has two problems, light mana is visible to mages unless there is a lot of grief in the area, and when it is invisible I can''t see the returning light.

    The first problem, I eventually solve with what should have been obvious. My imagery had been wrong. Instead of sending out light mana in all directions, I create a point light. The mana is in a single spot and radiates light in all directions. I consider converting the light into visible light as it reaches me but I don''t care for the results. I can''t use it passively this way. Other people will see the light and I won''t if I''m not facing that direction. What I need is three-hundred-sixty-degree feedback at all times. I don''t quite master it, but I get closer.

    The twins start to warm up a little over time as well. August even begins to banter with me a little again. Autumn seems to have something she wants to say, but she seems to want to say it while we are alone and is biding her time. I don''t push, I''m just glad they are slowly returning to their lively selves. At the end of two weeks, August calls back into the wagon.

    "You were right Lillith! I see it, I can see the capital!"

 Chapter 18 - Goodbyes and Greetings

    "What do you mean? Where exactly is she going to go?" August asks, completely taken aback. Sara and I had spoken about this a couple of weeks ago, but it hadn''t occurred to the twins.

    "Think about it, August," I answer, "She has no papers and no one to vouch for her but us. She wasn''t with us when we left Satusmor and... look at her. We bring her through that gate with us, and best case she goes straight to a house of penance." He looks uncomfortable, and Autumn tags in.

    "Even so, we can''t just... leave her out here!" she protests. I''m a little surprised by their objections but perhaps I shouldn''t be. They haven''t spoken to Sara much over the journey, and when we first met they had been overtly hostile to her. When they understood she was human, however, they changed the way they interacted with her completely. They aren''t friends but they have compassion for her.

    As such the idea of leaving her outside the city is, of course, horrifying to them. "It''s alright," Sara chimes in, "you aren''t ''leaving me out here''. I am parting ways for now, that''s all." I''m often surprised by how even-tempered she usually is. When she speaks of the temple and the woods, I can taste the venom in the air. The rest of the time she is remarkably mild. Her tone and willingness aside, however, the twins are not to be deterred.

    "That''s the same thing, and we can just sneak you in!" August insists. I awkwardly rub the back of my neck. He''s probably right, we could, but there would be no point. For everything to work right, she kind of needs to stay outside the city for a while. I can''t really tell them that though. They were pretty shaken by the concept of penance houses and what happens to people in the woods and I think I can trust them not to talk about what happened. There is, however, a decent gap between asking them to keep that a secret and ''These are our plans for high treason against the crown, pay them no mind.''

    "I''m not ready to go back yet," Sarafyna answers, "I''m not... whole yet. I need time, that''s all. Can you give me time?" Their faces soften at that. Masterful move, Sarafyna. Or you know, completely sincere move. She would have a hard time in the city right now, especially in her current state. It''s also true that she needs the privacy of the wilderness for a while, but this is likely another reason she suggested this. I had offered to let her stay with my family, but this was a better plan anyway.

    "Are you sure?" Autumn verifies, and Sara nods. The twins give each other one of their ''consultation'' looks, and nod together. "Alright, if this is what you want," Autumn reluctantly agrees, "I''m sorry we couldn''t know each other better, and..." she trails off.

    "Thank you for getting us out of the woods," August finishes and Autumn nods enthusiastically.

    Sara gives them a gentle smile, "You are the ones that brought me out of the woods. I''ll be grateful to you for the rest of my life," she responds quietly. The twins and I are going to respond when Peter speaks up, his wide, fully functional eyes filling with water.

    "Can I come with you?" he pleads and Sara gives him a wide grin. The two have gotten closer than any of us have on this trip. Peter sees in her a savior and a new family. Sara sees in him a past she could have had, and an opportunity to save someone from becoming her. I''m not surprised he wants to go with her. Honestly, it''s not a terrible idea. She will take care of him and he doesn''t seem to have a family or life to return to. He is, of course, welcome to stay with my family as well, but this could be better.

    Sarafyna doesn''t seem high risk, but she needs something other than revenge to live for and I''d have to sneak Peter in too. I think she will probably put more into caring for and raising him than a lot of other people in the city as well. It would be easier, but it would raise some questions if we failed. Autumn interjects to contradict my acceptance, "Absolutely not, I am not leaving a child in the wilderness. Not a chance," she insists. Well, that is a fair enough reaction.

    "Why not? Sara will take care of me, right Sara?" he asks looking to his friend for confirmation.

    "I will, if that''s what you want," she promises, a wide grin on her face. I can tell she wants him to come as well and my heart warms.

    "You can''t even see him!" August argues. That''s not going to be the case for long, however, and I''m not terribly worried about it. He could, in fact, be her eyes in the meantime. I decide this argument isn''t going to go anywhere helpful and elect to sidestep the whole thing.

    "Now come with us, Peter. It will be safer for you with us," I say, apparently agreeing with the twins. He looks directly at me, betrayal flooding his face, before he perks up.

    "Well, okay," he agrees, not arguing anymore. The kid could use some practice lying. Fortunately, the noble twins aren''t conditioned to expect commoner children to lie or disobey, and they were behind me when I winked at him.

    "We will have to hide him of course," I say, "gonna be hard to explain where we got a kid in priest robes." The twins seem satisfied and Autumn mutters something about crazy people as Peter settles down. I go to say my goodbye to Sara quietly. We hug for a long moment. "Don''t worry," I whisper a promise to her, "If he''s here, I''ll find him."

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    She gives me a hopeful squeeze. "Thank you Lillith, for everything," she responds before withdrawing from the hug. "Goodbye everyone, thanks again!" she calls out waving goodbye to the group. Peter, very suspiciously, does not say goodbye in return. The twins don''t seem to notice, however.

    "I''ll get Peter hidden, then I''ll join you two up front," I say as we start to get loaded up on the wagon again. August cocks an eyebrow at me.

    "Why," he asks, "there is so much more room back there?" I shrug at him.

    "They''ll be more likely to search the back with people there," I lie. It''s a terrible lie and doesn''t make sense, but the following truth buries it. "Besides, I want to catch up with you two. What, you don''t want me around?" I ask, obviously feigning offense.

    "Well, suit yourself. Not gonna be a lot of room up here with three people though..." he warns and Autumn smacks his arm.

    "What are you implying? We take up hardly any room at all, we are dainty ladies!" She challenges. This isn''t my favorite type of joke but I can only expect so much from them right now. I''m just glad they are joking with me at all. The twins devolve into the type of senseless argument only siblings understand, and I say a quiet goodbye to Peter.

    "Take care of her," I say, "She needs you as much as you need her," I say.

    "I will," he promises, "promise to come visit us?" I hold a pinky out to him.

    "Give me your pinky. Where this is from, this signifies the most sacred and unbreakable of promises," I say and he gets a solemn look before accepting my pinky with his own. I shake it up and down, then give him a hug. "Goodbye, Peter."

    "Goodbye, Lily," he responds. I send him off while the twins are distracted and climb onto the front seat of the wagon next to them.

    "He''s all set," I say, and we set off together. It is still several hours before we reach the massive city, and we make friendly conversation the entire way. It''s not like it was, but it''s moving forward. We mostly talk about what we''ll do when we reach the city. Initially August is all about touring the academy and Autumn just wants a decent meal. Once I mention my first goal was a bath and a change of clothes, the twins immediately amended their plans to match mine.

    We finally pull up to the gate and the guards stop us. Both of them eye Autumn and me up and I roll my eyes. The closest one approaches and addresses August. "Papers, please" he intones. Riding in the front and in our ruined clothes, they likely can''t tell we are nobles. They usually can''t tell with me anyway but the twin''s expensive travelling clothes are ruined as well.

    "We uh, don''t quite have them. We got waylaid on the way from Satusmor and lost our luggage," August explains sheepishly and I facepalm. We are coming in the wrong gate to be coming directly from Satusmor. I should have coached him before we got here. The guard smirks then gives me and Autumn a greedy look. We obviously look like criminals, and criminals are just future slaves. I shudder at the thought.

    "You are coming in the west gate, on your way from Satusmor?" he asks while signaling his partner, "I don''t think so. No papers, and more than a little suspicious. Let me guess, escaped slaves? Or did you steal the wagon from your employer? I''m going to have to ask you all to dismount the wagon and come with me."

    "What, no we are-" August starts before the guard cuts him off.

    "I''ll question these two personally," he says. Hold the boy here," he orders the other guard. His partner is about to protest but I''ve had just about enough. No need to let this go any further.

    "I''m Lillith of Endings," I announce, forming stones above my hand and floating them around in a circle, "whatever you are thinking, I suggest you drop it. We aren''t the criminals you are hoping we are." I mean, I am actually. I am about as criminal as someone can be in this world, but that''s beside the point. I glare at him anyway and his face pales.

    "A-apologies, my lady," he says and I roll my eyes. We are doing the same damn thing we were a second ago but suddenly they went from getting their shackles ready and belts unbuckled to bowing their heads. Fuck monarchies, man.

    "Shut up," I snarl, already tired of this man''s presence, "just let us through the fucking gate." This particular guard is going to get a second visit from me, but now is not the time for it.

    "Right, my apologies, my lady," he says, waving to his partner. They stand out of our way and a confused August drives us through the gate.

    "Damn Lillith, that was pretty harsh, he was just doing his job," he protests and I roll my eyes. Autumn seems to have picked up a more negative vibe than her brother and she doesn''t join him in reprimanding me.

    "He was trying to arrest us and make us slaves," I explain, fatigued.

    "It would have been sorted out long before that happened, you are the Duke''s apprentice, we weren''t in any danger," August challenges.

    "Right, and what if I wasn''t? What if the same thing happened and we weren''t mages or nobles? What then, August? Why exactly do you think he wanted to talk to Autumn and me first?" I lecture. It''s not exactly his fault he doesn''t understand what just happened, but the exchange soured my mood.

    "I, uh... I don''t know, maybe he wanted to make sure you were safe? You were traveling alone with an unknown man, he might have wanted to ask you about me where I couldn''t hear," he proposes and I groan. He didn''t even notice the way the guard had been undressing us with his eyes.

    "Is that what you think it was, Autumn?" I ask and she looks down.

    "No, I don''t think so," she whispers. August''s eyes widen and he halts the wagon.

    "I''ll kill him," he snarls, "why were you so gentle with him?" he asks, whipping his head in my direction.

    "Not right now, you won''t. You could probably get away with it, but you''ll have to kill a lot more than him first, and no one is going to check your family name before they try to kill you right back," I say. He''s not wrong to want to challenge the creep now that he understands but he should be a little more strategic than attacking him in front of the city gates.

    "Come on, you could tear that guy apart in seconds!" he protests and I nod.

    "You''re right, I could. But having the ability, even the right, to do that doesn''t always mean it''s safe to do," I answer. I''ll take a closer look at Stary Gary later, right now we need a place to rest. Besides, he is just one of many. "Just get us to a hotel for now. We''ll talk about it there."

    "A what?" he asks.

    "An inn, sorry. Creep put me in a bad mood, I''m all out of sorts," I answer. With that August begrudgingly nods, and we enter the city proper. I have a lot to do, but I need some proper sleep first.

 Chapter 19 - Reunion and Pastries

    The following day I find myself awkwardly waiting in the foyer of a massive mansion. I would have come here eventually, but I had planned to run a few other errands first.

    My intent was to seek out my family as soon as I had gotten some sleep and a bath. That plan only went so far, however. Perhaps predictably, announcing the name ''Lillith of Endings'' and forcing my way through the gate did get reported up some chain of command. As such, my breakfast the next day was interrupted by a courier with a so-called ''urgent package'' entering the inn.

    I had been a bit surprised I was found so quickly, even with the scene at the gate. The inn I had chosen for myself, and the twins reluctantly followed me to, was less than prestigious. We could have thrown our names around to get a free room but I steadfastly declined to do so. After a long argument about proper accommodations, followed by a longer argument about where Peter disappeared to instead, I choose an inn I like and the twins decide to stay at the same one. I spent some of the priest''s fairly meager travel expenses on a seedy one in the commoner''s quarter. More was spent on a lackluster meal and renting a bath for each of the two rooms.

    I had been eating an omelet and bread with water and lamenting the lack of seasoning. Spices are far more expensive here than in modern America. At first, this didn''t bother me much. In medieval England, spices had been quite a luxury. Then I learned that in this world, they were actually much easier to find, particularly in this country. No one had to travel to India for them or deal with international trade. However, like soap, they were hoarded and turned into a luxury good anyway. You can''t even grow them yourself or you''ll be charged with some bullshit crime about disrupting the market or whatever.

    What was I talking about again? Oh right, while I was stabbing at my food, fuming about simple goods being denied to commoners, I saw the courier come in and loudly announce they were looking for ''Lillith of Endings''. I raised my hand and waved him over, getting a few sidelong glances from other guests at the inclusion of a family affiliation in my name. The urgency of the delivery was explained and I gave the nervous courier a generous tip. The nosy twins examined the package with growing confusion as I pulled out a danish and a note.

    That''s how I found myself here, waiting to speak to Godfrey. The danish was, to be fair, delicious. This didn''t make me feel better, though. Nobles often like to justify their standing in the world because they smell better, their food is better, their clothes are better, they are more successful, etcetera. This is all true... because they withhold simple goods and knowledge from commoners and intentionally create that gap. The sweet and welcome taste of the pastry after the bland breakfast only makes the contrast more obvious. That and coming to this luxurious estate from that rundown inn. It''s not gonna stop me from eating it mind you, my sweet tooth is starved. I am gonna make them easier for everyone to get, though.

    "Lillith, what in the three planes is going on? What are you doing here?" Godfrey, my supposed mentor and sponsor for the academy exclaims, appearing to meet me. I remain seated as he enters, much to the chagrin of a few passing servants. I am still astonished when I see his mana. The man is a force of nature.

    I finish chewing and swallow, then look at him like he''s some kind of idiot. "Eating a Danish," I quip as if it''s the stupidest question anyone has ever asked. He rubs his temples.

    "Glad to see you haven''t changed," he groans. "You are weeks early, Lillith. You came in the wrong gate. You look like something chewed you up and spit you out. I''d like an explanation!" I did look like that. I had tried to clean the clothes but I still only had one outfit since losing my luggage.

    "Well, ya got me. By all accounts it doesn''t make sense," I joke, shrugging and he gives me an unamused stare. I miss when people understood my references. Although, he probably wouldn''t think it was that funny right now anyway. I sigh and tell the best lie I had discussed with the twins last night. "We were attacked by highwaymen," I explain, "I let the coachman get away with the luggage and fought them off, then tried to use magic to catch up but... we got lost."

    "What kind of magic?" Godfrey interrupts, raising an eyebrow at me.

    "Oh you know, my force magic," I half-lie, "I can use it to decrease our weight so we move faster and tire more slowly. That and a lack of luggage and I suppose we made better time than I thought." He looks at me suspiciously for a long moment.

    "And you got so badly lost, you got to the city from the wrong side? This is a big city, Lillith," he challenges and I force a sheepish blush.

    "I got a little distracted, okay? We wandered off the road a bit to find some fruit, you know how I feel about sweet food. We couldn''t find the way back. But hey, we made it, didn''t we?" He narrows his eyes at me.

    "Highwaymen you say?" he inquires, "Highwaymen that attack obvious nobles with magic ability? You know, the king is pretty harsh on banditry, especially targetting noble parties. He sends knights to hunt down anyone who tries it. There aren''t a lot of people willing to risk it. In fact, I haven''t heard of nobles being set upon on the roads in, well, decades now. Not by a group like that anyway." He is clearly suspicious of the story but I expected that.

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    "Well, you know the Satusmor government has been slacking off lately," I say and he nods. I honestly don''t know if he knows that, it''s possible it''s beneath his notice. On the other hand, he''s right. Commoners don''t attack nobles. They don''t even attack the kids, they don''t understand magic, and as far as they know any noble kid could kill them with a thought. It''s one reason nobles don''t bother with guards when walking around town. A silk shirt is as clear a deterrent as walking around with a shotgun and body armor. It''s possible the trouble in Satusmor isn''t below his notice.

    On the other hand, no one in Satusmor had the magical ability to challenge nobles yet and the troubles were sort of... muddy there. It could just look like a general failure of governance to people as high up as Godfrey, who left the city well before anything got serious. It doesn''t matter, however. I was going to have to mention them or it would seem weird I didn''t if he had heard, and it will lend legitimacy to the lie. "With enough money from the right people, I could see a few brave and unscrupulous souls taking up the profession. Especially if the people paying them were related to the former city lord... it would be easy to believe they wouldn''t be punished. In any case, it was a moot point by the time I was done with them," I add, sending the blame in the safest direction I can think of.

    "Ah," Godfrey responds, "I suppose the Tudor house does have some surviving members." This sounds like an acceptance but I have trouble telling how convinced he is. It will have to do for now. I had considered meeting up with Wallace on the way to the city, but I''d have to deny civilization to the twins longer and, I could use the extra time to arrange some things. I''m not just in this city for my studies, after all. I will have to intercept him at some point and convince him not to talk about the woods, but I have time for that.

    "And the wagon you drove in on?" he asks after a moment.

    "Found it abandoned near the Radiant woods," I answer. This is a weak part of the story, but I figure the temple will probably go looking for their priests at some point, and it could make sense, taking Sara''s story into account. This way I''ve already explained it before they ask any questions. "Anyway, here I am," I say, holding my hands, one still holding a half-eaten danish, up like I am presenting myself. Godfrey grunts and shakes his head, then sits down next to me. He pulls his own danish from... somewhere and begins eating with me.

    "You are going to be a real headache, aren''t you," He sighs and I grin.

    "I''ve no idea what you mean. I''m a proper lady now, didn''t you hear? An upstanding student of the academy," I retort, feigning offense. Yeah, though. I''m going to be a huge headache for him. I kind of like Godfrey, and I hope I can get him to come around but... what''s the church metaphor about camels and needles? The rich and powerful, especially the fucking royal, do not like giving up that wealth and power. When I help take it away, I can only hope we don''t end up being more than a headache to each other.

    "Right, and I''m sure you''ve grown well-mannered and respectful too. Well, it''s no matter. I suppose we should get you registered at the academy. They aren''t expecting you yet and won''t have your dorm ready. At least you''ll have more time to choose your classes. I''d like to discuss that with you, there are some classes I recommend you take," he responds, deciding to move on.

    "Dorm?" I ask, "Why wouldn''t I just stay with my family?" I fully intended to live with my parents while here, a dorm room could be... inconvenient.

    "Ah well, that is a bit complicated. Your family''s estate is pretty far from the academy, you''d have trouble with the commute I fear," I raise an eyebrow and respond with a serious tone.

    "Are they okay?" I ask and he waves me off.

    "It''s fine, they are fine," he assures me, "it''s just... some of the women they insisted on bringing with them... draw a little attention in the noble quarter. They elected for a more humble home in a less prestigious part of the city." I relax. That makes sense. I approve actually, and I''m glad to hear they are still with some of the women we had freed from Baldwin.

    "I see," I accept, "well, fair enough. I''d like to see them tonight though. It has been a while." I don''t mind visiting the academy first, but I do miss my family. I also, uh, need a couple of favors from men I trust. I need some fucking pants, armor, and a mask. Things women have a hard time buying.

    "Now, as far as classes, I know you''ll want to enroll in some combat classes, but I don''t recommend trying. They aren''t designed to be co-ed and... well you won''t be welcome," he begins. I roll my eyes but I don''t protest. I''m not actually interested in those classes. I''m attending to learn more about magical item enchantment. Yeah, combat classes would be helpful, but I just don''t have the time.

    My understanding is the academy is more like a university than a high school. I have to pick a major and gear my classes toward that. This seems to be more or less what Godfrey wants to explain and I nod along. It''s honestly more my element than anywhere else has been. I have no reason to push back much. Godfrey and I are both interested in me learning enough to make new discoveries rather than get really good at winning duels. I don''t fight by the rules they''ll teach anyway.

    I also have the advantage that I don''t need to actually graduate. Completing my coursework isn''t going to matter much in a few years, I suspect. We discuss it and he is pleasantly surprised when he hears which classes I am most interested in. Conversely, I am disappointed by the number of prerequisites my classes need. They make sense but come on man. I''m pretty sure I know more complex math than any professor there.

    It doesn''t matter though. I won''t have trouble with them at least. Once we are finished with our pastries and Godfrey is done convincing me to do what I already planned to do, we depart for the academy.

 Chapter 20 - Facinley Academy

    Godfrey and I arrive at the academy grounds in the finest carriage I have ever seen. Even here in the richest part of the city, we get a few glances as we exit the carriage. This is partially due to how ornate it is, and partially due to the contrast with my current attire. Godfrey had provided new clothes for me, but he also knew me. With the overly expensive dress he offered, there was also a far plainer choice. It''s probably not a mystery which I put on.

    I have nothing against pretty dresses, I like them actually, but they just aren''t practical. I mean, I have nothing against their nature. Neither the wealth nor labor practices involved in their creation are likely to impress me. Either way, I favor clothes I can move and work in. As such, I leave an impression not unlike a farmer walking down the red carpet. Whatever, they can scratch their heads all they like. I am more interested in the campus itself.

    It is massive and circled with a towering wall. We have to pass through a gate just to get inside, and it''s guarded by actual knights, with mana. I hope I have longer between classes than I often had as an undergrad or I am going to exhaust myself running between them well before I learn anything. It does remind me of a college campus in a weird way. There are a number of buildings forming a bustling community. Signposts direct students and visitors to different named buildings, divided by school of study. This much is extremely familiar to me; I thrive in this shit.

    Where it differs, however, is scale. The size of the campus and buildings baffles me. The cost of both baffles me even further. Were it not for the ever-present air of stress and anxiety, I would wonder if this were an extension of the royal palace. The architecture is grand to an excessive degree. The huge ornate buildings aren''t what really shock me as much as the garden, however. I say garden, but I mean the whole damn campus. An idyllic and well-tended garden connects every single building and lines every exquisitely decorated walkway.

    I would expect a garden a fraction of this size to be a crown jewel of a royal palace. It is maintained with magic, which I can tell from the mana radiating off of each plant, but also because it would be impossible otherwise. I now understand why Godfrey even offered me the pricier dress. He knew I wouldn''t choose it, but it was actually on the simple side for a setting like this. Christ, how many people could we help just with the money and magic that goes into maintaining this campus?

    Give us a damn quad with some trees and distribute food and healing instead, you jackasses. I sigh to myself as I walk on campus with Godfrey. I think people are staring at my simple dress for a second but their worried looks don''t match the sentiment. Then I remember the immensely important and powerful mage escorting me. Right, I always forget he''s not the simple bookseller I met years ago. I suppose that''s why Baldwin had him there. The rich know no better way to put someone in their place than to force them into a customer service job.

    I ignore the curious looks, and most students seem to lose interest after a moment as well. We are an oddity together, but they all have other worries. I was actually expecting more... well, magic as well. There are students in secluded corners practicing small spells but for the most part, people are just... hurrying or socializing. A few are taking notes in what must be incredibly expensive notebooks. All in all, it feels like a disgustingly pretty university.

    Finally, we arrive at what must be an administration building and I scoff as Godfrey turns what look like ivory doorknobs. We navigate a confusing labyrinth of halls and finally arrive at... an office, I think? The extravagant fountains and waterfall wall combined make it feel a bit more like a luxury hotel room. I''m clued into its true nature by the mahogany desk and the smartly dressed, redheaded woman sitting behind it. As we enter, she stands and politely tilts her head to Godfrey.

    "Welcome Lord Godfrey, we weren''t expecting you so soon, I apologize for the state of my office!" she explains and I look around confused. The room is spotless. I decide to shrug it off. I suppose she is probably hedging; if there''s a complaint she''s already answered it.

    "Please, sit down Lady Cateline," Godfrey answers, waving off the apology, "I believe I mentioned I have an apprentice, I am here to get her properly enrolled. I''d like to introduce Lillith of Endings, my apprentice. Lillith, this is Cateline of Roul, the headmistress." Cateline gives me an appraising look and my eyebrows climb my forehead. I suppose the office should have clued me in but I am surprised to see a woman with so much authority in an official capacity. I''ve seen women running shops and the like, but even they are just running a shop that belongs to a man.

    Noble women do get more opportunities but headmistress? I wouldn''t have guessed that. "I''m not familiar with the house of Endings, where do they hail from?" She asks once she is done eyeing me.

    "Satusmor, hers is a new house, established not more than a year or so ago," Godfrey explains and Cataline nods, "may I leave her with you for now, I have a few other things to attend to." Damn, he''s leaving me here? How am I supposed to find my family''s house after this? I don''t know where shit is in this city, man. I narrow my eyes at him but he doesn''t notice.

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    "Of course, my lord. She is in good hands. I will personally get her registered," Cataline assures him.

    "That''s very kind of you, thank you very much. Lillith, I''ll speak to you again after you are settled in here," he says, waving to me before unceremoniously leaving. Alright man, watch me get a danish with pears in it next time you ask. That''ll teach you. "Another one, huh?" she asks as her blue eyes scan me again, "I hope you are better behaved than the other common-born student this year," she scoffs. Godfrey, come back, I think you accidentally took this lady''s manners with you on your way out.

    "I''ll do my best to exemplify more admirable behavior," I promise, referring to exactly the type of behavior she likely wants me to avoid.

    "See to it that you do, child. Now, have you considered which classes you''d like to take in your first year? Did Lord Godfrey advise you on what your options are?" she inquires and I nod.

    "I don''t suppose you have any kind of advanced placement tests?" I ask and she gives me an unamused look.

    "We do not. I''m certain Lord Godfrey provided you with some very fine tutors, but so do many other students on this campus. I assure you, you are not as far ahead as you think, if at all," she scoffs. I suspect she is wrong but, oh well. Maybe I am somehow wrong. It wouldn''t be that shocking if advanced math was simply not accessible to my usual crowd. The architecture in this city certainly suggests that to an extent.

    "Very well, yes, I do have an idea of what classes I''d like to enroll in," I answer. She pulls out a few papers to help me schedule my classes. She is fairly short and impatient with me but I suppose this probably isn''t usually her job. Still, I''m not the one who told her to do it. Nevertheless, we do get a schedule planned out. When we are done, I am enrolled in ''Introductory Mathematics'', ''Basic Mana Aspecting'', ''Potestian Government'', ''The Collector and the Aggregation'', and ''The Science of Mana''.

    Two of these teach necessary knowledge to effectively combat the government and temple, and the rest are requisite classes for what I actually want to learn. Unlike at an Earth university, there is no graduate or undergraduate program, and there is no such thing as a major. This means I can pretty much take whatever classes I want, although students'' parents often more than influence what they enroll in.

    The schedule isn''t bad and I should have plenty of time for... extracurriculars. Especially if they don''t keep too close an eye on attendance. Cataline looks over the schedule approvingly. "Sensible choices, you are already less of a headache than the other one," she says, rolling her eyes at the thought. Every time she mentions this other commoner student I want to meet them more. The main session of classes won''t start for a few weeks, however. Maybe I''ll meet them then. "Come along, I''ll show you to your dorm room," she adds, and leaves the room, not checking to see if I am following.

    I briefly entertain the thought of just ignoring her, something about her just irks me, but there would be little point in that. I follow her out of the room and across the campus to what looks like a series of mansions positioned against the wall. She leads me into one of them and begins speaking again. "This is where you will be staying," she explains, "each unit houses four students and a small staff. Your room will be on the second floor."

    Right. Of course the dorms are actual fully staffed mansions, why wouldn''t they be? The room she leads me to is nicer than any I''ve ever slept in. The closest I''ve ever seen was the room I killed the lord of Satusmor in. A concerning thought occurs to me as I recall the knights guarding the campus. "Does the gate to campus close at night?" I ask and she eyes me suspiciously.

    "They do," is her curt response, "and a lady of your age should have no need to pass through them too frequently. Anything you need can be found on campus. If you leave and stay out, you will be locked out for the night. You have been warned." Well, goodbye giant room. You were too big for me anyway. Getting locked on campus at night simply isn''t an option. I suppose I could try throwing myself over the walls but... renting a room seems easier. "And, I am only going to warn you once, so pay attention," she preemptively reprimands, "you are NOT to bring any boys back to your room. We do not stand for behavior like that on campus grounds and disciplinary action will be swift and harsh.

    "Alright, thanks for the clarification," I answer and she gives me a sharp nod. There was never any danger of me bringing one of the children at this school to my room to do anything even slightly suggestive. They are literal children, and bringing any kind of boy back is even less likely. That''s one thing she legitimately doesn''t need to worry about.

    "I''ll leave you here to get settled in," she says, "try and get your things moved in today unless you have other appointments with Lord Godfrey. And... please wear something more appropriate when you attend classes." She gives me a disapproving once over with her final words and I look down at my modest dress and bodice.

    "Oh I''m sorry, is this too tantalizing?" I quip. She just rolls her eyes and mutters something about commoners under her breath. I get the feeling she would have slapped me or something had I not walked into her office with a duke. I was doing pretty well not being a smartass with her. Unfortunately, my persistent inability in either life to find clothes that aren''t ''inappropriate'' to someone triggers something in me. Oh well.

    Well, I''ll store some stuff here I suppose. For now, I desperately want to go see my family. I visit my private washroom, steal all the soap, and head out of the ''dorm''. I have no fucking clue where Godfrey went or how to find my family, but I see no sign of him coming back soon and I''m burning daylight here. With that, I depart the campus and head toward the nearest tavern. I figure Godfrey is probably still tracking me, and if he''s not I can learn the layout of the city.

    I briefly lament not having Sarafyna to show me around the city, then sigh, and begin my search.

 Chapter 21 - Home is Where the Heart Is

    I get maybe twenty paces from the campus gate when I hear a voice behind me calling for Lady Lillith. I turn and see one of the knights guarding the gate running up to me. Apparently, they had been told to keep an eye out for me but I had slipped past them for a moment anyway. "Yes?" I ask and the man slows as he catches up to me.

    "My apologies, Lady Lillith," the man huffs and I raise an eyebrow. I get he is wearing armor and all but he is a damn knight and he barely ran at all. Perhaps the campus isn''t quite as protected as it appears. Well, I can work with that. "Lord Godfrey asked me to give you this if you left before he returned," he explains, holding a note out to me. I accept it and give him a curt nod before turning around and leaving him there. I open the note to read it as I walk away.

    "Lillith, in the likely event you leave before I return from my short errand, I have left a carriage with instructions to take you wherever you need to go... within reason," the note starts and I have mixed feelings. On one hand, that was thoughtful of him. On the other hand, I''m detecting some passive-aggressive snark in there and I don''t appreciate the tone. On a more serious note, I don''t like the idea of using one of Godfrey''s servants. Worst case scenario the man is a literal slave. Best case he is paid and treated well but I am still acting like a noble lady with a personal servant. Both ideas make my skin crawl to different degrees.

    "I''ve also left a small portion of your house stipend, although your family uses most of it. I suggest you buy materials for classes and a few new dresses. I understand you have an allergy to presenting yourself with dignity, but there is a dress code to attend I''m afraid. I have included the details below, you will simply have to suffer through it," the note continues and I scowl. We simply have differing opinions on what is dignified. I do need to learn some of the things this campus teaches, however, so I will indeed have to suck it up.

    I briefly deliberate between my desire to keep a low profile on campus and my desire to not spend ill-gotten tax money on something useless like an extravagant dress. That''s when I remember I don''t have to follow those rules. My mom has grown to be a competent seamstress; All I have to do is pick a rich asshole to steal high-quality materials from. I won''t look as ritzy as some women but I should meet the minimum to blend in.

    I scan the rest of the note and it''s similar advice until I reach the relevant portion, "the coachman has been given directions to your family''s home, he can take you there whenever you are ready." That''s what I''m talking about! I swear, that man put details about fancy dresses first just to screw with me. I follow the note''s directions and find the coachman waiting for me. As I feel his mana radiating off him, my concerns wash away. The man is a moderately powerful mage.

    I remember for particularly prestigious nobles, the closest aides and servants are often themselves nobles. Positions such as that are actually competed for in a duke''s house. I didn''t think that extended to coachmen, but on reflection that''s probably not this man''s primary role. Based on the way he is looking down his nose at me, I suspect he actually outranks me. That''s not hard to do in noble society, but it does make me feel less like I am taking advantage of someone. Besides, it''s not like I never used a ridesharing app in my last life. This city is massive and I have to live in the society as it is until I can change it. All in all, this is the best I can ask for.

    I exchange brief words with the driver, who seems less than interested in polite conversation, and before I know it I am on my way to see my family and a few friends they brought with them. I''m tired. Exhausted really. After Satusmor and those fucking woods, and everything with the twins... I feel like I just crawled out of an industrial dryer filled with stones. Even the little sleep I get is plagued with nightmares. Now that I''m headed toward my loved ones, however, I finally feel genuine happiness. A few times on the ride I catch myself excitedly tapping my foot.

    After what feels like forever, we finally pull up to what looks like a tavern and inn. As I exit the carriage I raise an eyebrow at the coachman and he rolls his eyes at me. We are definitely in a poorer part of town, but we are also closer to the district''s market than any residences. Nevertheless, the coachman parked off the road next to this building, this must be where they are. I shrug it off and enter. I see Abby, the one-eyed woman who helped me kill Baldwin, eating with a group of women who had been there the same night.

    I understand then and feel like an idiot. There are no grand estates in this part of the city, and these women would be in danger in a richer neighborhood. A tavern and inn has enough rooms for everyone, a huge kitchen and dining area, and exists in a more welcoming area in town. Honestly, it''s a brilliant idea. This dirty common room full of people I trust and have been through hell with looks far more appealing than the luxurious room I just left on campus. Unfortunately, Godfrey is right. That ride took way too long to stay here while I''m attending school.

    "Lillith, welcome!" Abby exclaims as she spots me, "Godfrey said you wouldn''t be here for weeks!" I smile at her. We don''t actually know each other that well, but we still share a stronger-than-average connection through the history we do share. She is one of the only other people I know who doesn''t add ''Lord'' to Godfrey''s name. After Baldwin, I am not shocked her interest in respecting nobles has faded.

    "Abby, how are you?" I ask and she walks over to me. She is joined by several others, and I politely speak with them for several minutes. I really want to find my family, but I am actually glad to see the women we took in as well and I enjoy seeing them happy and comfortable. It''s a bit weird that Gilbert is technically their guardian now, but if someone had to be I suppose he''s not the worst choice. I don''t think he would take advantage of them but I will ask around anyway. He does have a... history with women, but it''s one of a na?ve teenage boy more than anything. He seemed to legitimately change pretty much as soon as he was confronted with reality.

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    All in all, I don''t completely trust him but I think they are safer with him than most other options. This ''women need a guardian'' bullshit isn''t long for this world anyway, if I have my way. He is also my brother, and I love him, mistakes and all. I am excited to see him, Henry, and my mother. I have mixed feelings about seeing Edward. He has been, well, abusive for years now. He''s also my brother, though, and I still remember how close we were as children. I am nervous to see him, but our last conversations before parting were... well not encouraging exactly but not discouraging. I think there is hope for him in there.

    My conversation with the group is interrupted as a familiar voice calls out across the tavern, "Lily, you are here!" I look up and see the widest grin in history decorating Henry''s face. Just being called Lily warms my heart. Peter had started to before we arrived, but the name sounds like music on the lips of long-absent friends. I return the grin. The brother I had put so much effort into saving from Baldwin is living a happy life with family, old and new. I break away from the group of women, who part for me, and run to hug Henry.

    "You have no idea how good it is to see you!" I exclaim as he ruffles my hair before hugging me. From anyone else that would have felt condescending but from him it''s just... my brother.

    "You look like you came through the third plane to get here, I feel like you have quite the story for us," he says, concern in his voice.

    "You have no idea, man. I''ve been to hell and back. Where are the others? I''d like to tell everyone at once if I can," I respond, looking around. I haven''t spoken to one of them since they left Satusmor. Communication is slow between cities for everyone but the richest nobles. I have seen Godfrey and Emeric use enchanted spheres that function as long-distance communication devices, but these are not common. They grow less common as distance increases, apparently, only a few officials have spheres that are capable of cross-city communication.

    I learned this in Satusmor when I was expecting a much faster response to the Tudor''s death. Apparently with the city lord dead, there had been a delay in communicating with the capital at all. Someone had to find Reynold Tudor''s communication sphere before it could even be reported. Larger cities have more long-distance spheres, but they still have to communicate in relays to reach far-away cities. Travel is also uncommon among lower classes, and only particularly common for particularly important nobles. For this reason, even letters were out of the question.

    The king travels almost constantly, but even he can only visit a few cities a year and was unlikely to help me send my family correspondence. I could try paying merchants but they do nothing for free. As such, I hadn''t heard so much as a peep from my family the entire time, and they had heard nothing from me. "Come on upstairs, everyone is in their rooms!" Henry says and leads me upstairs, all the way to the third floor.

    We stop at Gilbert''s room first and Henry barges in without knocking, a chronic plague among my family members. Gilbert jumps and falls out of his chair. I gape at the room around him. There are papers with fairly impressive drawings on them all over the room. I don''t know how he afforded so much paper, but... he is getting pretty good. "You scared me half to de- wait, Lillith??" Gilbert exclaims as he recovers from the shock

    "Hey Gilbert," I say nonchalantly, "nice drawings." His cheeks burn bright red, but he just climbs to his feet and comes to hug me.

    "I missed you," he whispers to me as we hug.

    "Missed you too, idiot," I respond. We move on and find my mom''s room. She is sewing and talking to Edward as we walk in, and responds to our presence without looking up.

    "Hey, can you get some yellow thread, I''d like to embroider some yellow flowers on this, I think they''ll match her hair," she requests, assuming it is either Henry or Gilbert who walked in.

    "Sure, Mom," I respond, "where is it?" She stabs her finger with her needle before sharply looking up at me, her eyes wide. She looks good. I mean like, really, really, good. I don''t know that I''ve ever seen her look so alive. There is more color in her face and light in her eyes than ever. My pride-fueled dad absconding to who knows where and being replaced with all the women downstairs might be the best thing that ever happened to her. As she looks at me tears well up in her eyes.

    "Lily, you''re okay!" she gushes and I feel water running down my cheeks too. When did that happen? Before I know it, she is embracing me and somehow we are both crying.

    "I missed you, Momma," I say quietly and she holds me tighter. I don''t know how long the embrace lasts, but it''s healing. Oh god is it healing. I feel like the last few months have taken years off my life, but nothing can cure a troubled soul like a loving mom''s arms holding your head against her. When we do emerge, I notice our eyes aren''t the only red ones in the room. Gilbert is strategically looking the other way and Henry is sniffling. Even Ed has complex emotions chasing each other across his face.

    "L-Lillith," Ed stutters, "good to see you," he says. That''s honestly the kindest greeting I''ve gotten from him in years. It''s not as surprising as I would have thought. They were moved here because Satusmor wasn''t safe, but I was left behind and they had no way of knowing if I was ok. I''d have to give Godfrey a lecture about not keeping them updated. As far as they knew, I could have died by now. Even Ed has shown concern when it looked like I had actually been hurt.

    "It''s good to see you too, Edward," I concede and he awkwardly nods at me. I suppose that''s the best I can expect. I had promised Henry a story, but that''s not what we needed right now. Right now, we needed to just be a family for a while. I decided to let the coachman know I would be staying here tonight, and I spent the rest of the evening with my loved ones.

    That night, I eat a bland meal that tastes better than the finest food I''d ever eaten while laughing with my family. I tell jokes that aren''t that funny and my sides ache as I laugh at equally bad gags from my brothers. I go to sleep on a cheap bed and let myself feel like I am safe and everything is alright, just for one fleeting night.

 Chapter 22 - First Blood

    Before the radiant woods, I''d never killed an innocent person. I''ve killed many people in more than one world, but always because that world would legitimately be a better place without them. In the Radiant Woods, I killed because those people didn''t want to be a part of the world anymore. I didn''t know that''s why I was killing them but... some part of me did. It had felt off the entire time. The look in each person''s eyes as they ran to me... flew to me... attacked me. Their claws were out but in a way, I knew they were dull.

    Or maybe that''s wrong. It seems so clear as their faces visit me each night. I can see the agony and the begging on their faces with perfect clarity but I don''t know how real they are. Is that what I saw, or is that what I am painting on my memory of them? It doesn''t matter. I killed them and they didn''t deserve to die, even if they wanted to. I couldn''t help them any other way. I know that. My mind understands that, but my heart doesn''t believe it.

    Part of me is convinced I could have saved them. Given them their lives, minds, and bodies back. Helped them seize their autonomy from... whatever that forest was, and healed them. That belief is what torments me every night. That part is what presents me with their faces in a parade of the tormented. A procession of my victims. I want to run away every night, and I do. But I just flee back to Satusmor. I run from the faces of the dead only to find more.

    The laughing face of Horace, captain of the Satusmor city guard. I see the bodies he climbed over to find the golden ticket he thought they were hiding. The ticket I created. I remember choking the life out of Captain Horace for what he did, and... I remember enjoying it. Not the act of killing itself, but the revenge. In my dream I am outside of my body, watching the smile on my face as he gasps for breath.

    I take a sharp breath through my nose as my eyes fly open. My heart remains still, but adrenaline flows through my veins. A quick glance around the room and the minimal light leaking through the curtains reveals I have only been asleep for maybe three hours. That''s the most I ever sleep, and the same dream that always wakes me up. It''s a lie. I didn''t smile as I killed that creep. Killing him was also entirely necessary. I don''t know why my dreams torment me with that version of events every night, but they are relentless.

    The reminder of Horace does serve one purpose, however. This city is full of people like him. It''s full of their victims. There are slaves, houses of penance, the hopeless, and the abandoned in every corner. Each of them has a boot on their throat, holding their face in the dirt, just to elevate someone an extra few inches. I am here to remove them all. I''m reminded of the gate guard, the rapist, who wanted to enslave and use me as I entered the city. He''s a small target, and his absence won''t have a massive effect on the city.

    It will matter a great deal to his victims, however, especially the future ones. His was the first face of the city''s stain of corruption and authority I saw when I came here. It is only appropriate that he is the first I remove. I don''t have my luggage, but I don''t need it. My mother has a stock of simple, plain clothes for the found family we live with. Using light and sound mana to mask my movements, I dig through them and find a simple dress and cloak, which I quickly change into.

    I leave the inn without waking anyone and enter the quiet night. This city is a large one, and hard to travel through quickly during the day. Without electricity, however, there is far less activity at night. There is some, mostly criminal in nature, but the bustling streets are quiet. I can''t hire a carriage, but I don''t need one. I hadn''t entirely been lying to Godfrey. With force, light, and sound mana, I can move through the city quickly and quietly despite its size. I can''t quite fly like I did in the forest, but with my strength and agility and reduced weight, I move faster than a carriage when alone and unimpeded.

    It still takes some time to traverse the city, but I arrive at the same gate I entered through before. Tonight, I am lucky. As I observe the gate from afar, I see the same guard in the same place. I suspected I might; it''s not uncommon for guards to work the same shift and post multiple nights in a row. I don''t know the exact schedule yet, but I knew I would find him if I came to the same spot. We had arrived late the first night as well so it was likely this was his regular shift.

    It''s easy enough to walk right out the gate unnoticed. A couple of walls of illusion created by copying and moving light give me a narrow hallway I can walk through unseen. I could snipe him easily enough with a stone bullet, but I need to know for sure. The man hadn''t been subtle, but he hadn''t actually announced he was going to arrest us either. With the way slavery works in this world, ''guard'' and ''slaver'' are more or less synonymous. Nevertheless, it doesn''t feel quite right to just kill them all on sight.

    This isn''t my old world. It''s not reasonable to believe there is a way to be a city guard without full knowledge that you are going to be explicitly involved in slavery. But some part of me says ''what if?''. What if a child, believing his parent''s stories about the importance and heroism of guards, joined the corps and has only ever guarded the gate, never making an arrest and never connecting the dots that they were connected to human traffickers?

    Spoken out loud, it''s not really plausible. It''s not a secret who slaves are or who catches them. Guards don''t get one post forever, and they all train together. They all know what their job is, and they all know the laws. Including laws that obviously only exist to make it easier to create slaves. They all have explicit orders on who they can and can''t arrest. Anyone who objected wouldn''t be a guard anymore. This very guard had even demonstrated that he will arrest commoners and not nobles.

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    Rationally, the entire profession should be fair game. I have killed guards before who were only running to stop me, but they were running to stop me after I killed a man they knew used slaves and raped servants. Their job, which they are trained and willing to do, explicitly involves practicing some of the greatest evils mankind perpetrates. They might as well be wearing Nazi uniforms. But... what if I am wrong? I have always been conflicted about guards in this world. I don''t have a great relationship with my father but he was one of them himself, and he is my father. Part of me wants to believe they aren''t as obviously complicit in slavery as they are. Besides, what if the gate guards in this city are actually an entirely different organization than the city guard?

    What if they are just mercenaries guarding the gate? What if they can''t arrest or enslave anyone and have no intention of doing so? None of this seems likely, the gate guards and city guard had been the same in Satusmor, and I can''t imagine nobles hiring outsiders to protect their gates, and it''s literally the same uniform, but... who knows? To me, this feels like a pretty thin objection, but the smile on my face in my dream haunts me... I want to make sure I have a line. It may be an excuse but there is no urgency, and I have time to check first. So I give this man a chance to prove me wrong.

    I walk just out of sight, release my illusions, and approach the gate again. "Halt!" The man commands and I stop. My hood is up and my head is lowered so he can''t see my face. He could demand to see it, but that would just give me an easy out, and I could visit him another night. Reports would reach Godfrey, which would be troublesome, but it''s unlikely to turn into a major problem if I don''t kill him now. I stop as I have been ordered. "What''s your business here this time of night, where are your papers?" he interrogates.

    "My apologies, sir, I lost my papers on the road. I am just here to visit family," I answer and immediately the guard scoffs.

    "Lost them on the road, on foot, at this time of night?" he almost laughs, "Right. Come with me girl, I have a few questions for you." The excitement in his voice serves to verify my suspicions, but I follow him for now. This is basically the same thing that happened last time, minus the talk with August. He also seems to be in a hurry. "I don''t know what you are involved in, but it''s plain as day you are up to no good," he says as he signals to his partner and leads me into a small building just inside the gate. As all three of us enter, he closes and locks the door behind him, then asks, "What do you think I should do about that?"

    I look around and see a few weapons, a desk full of papers, and an old bench. "I''m sorry, I really don''t know what you mean, I am just trying to get to my family," I whimper, and he chuckles.

    "I don''t think you are going to make it sweetheart, I can''t just let a criminal through the gates, I have a job to do!" he laughs. "Unless of course, you can convince me of your innocence..." My stomach churns a bit. I was clearly not mistaken about this man''s intentions.

    "Criminal, I''m sorry sir, I don''t understand, I haven''t committed any crimes, I swear," I plead, only to be met with more laughing.

    "You illegally entered the city without identification or permission. I can''t just ignore that, can I?" he retorts.

    "But you brought me through the gate, I stopped when ordered didn''t I?" I reply, allowing more confidence into my voice. He doesn''t notice.

    "Well, I suppose that''s your word against mine. Besides, I caught you sneaking around in the gatehouse, a building with classified documents and weapons. The penalty for that crime is death, not slavery," he purrs, "it''s going to take a lot of convincing to get out of this one sweetheart." I hear rustling behind me and finally turn around and look up at the grinning man.

    His pants are already around his ankles and he has barricaded the door. I feel bile rising in my throat and notice his face paling as he looks me in the eyes for the first time. Recognition and fear are the final emotions to color his face before a stone spear impales him and pins him to the sturdy door. To his left, his so-far silent partner meets the same fate.

    I am far more powerful than I once was, and a simple stone spear takes little effort to conjure and propel. I glare into the first man''s eyes as the light fades from them and blood splutters from his mouth as he uses his dying breath to call for help. He fails to make a sound, and after a moment he is dead. His partner died first, and both men now hang limply from my spears.

    I decide to dissolve the conjured spears, holding the men up with force mana. I replace them with actual spears from inside the gatehouse. It''s best if it''s unclear what type of magic killed them. It will already be suspicious to anyone who investigates that this happened so soon after I arrived, and I don''t want to link this to myself any more clearly. Especially when more high-profile victims begin appearing and the nobility begins to care enough to look. Fortunately, I am not the only student to travel here with the same timing. I would have waited longer but... what if this fucking creep found another victim in the meantime? Instead of finding a new victim, his corpse is pinned to a door with his pants around his ankles. That alone justified the risk to me.

    In the morning, these bodies will be found, and it will be reported up the chain of command, but not too far up. If my guesses are right and with any luck, the nobles won''t pay any attention to it anyway. Non-magical, commoner murder victims have never been high on their priority list. With any luck, they won''t put two and two together until much later. Dates aren''t tracked as strictly and murder investigations are usually just a day of asking around. By the time my other activities are important, people might not even remember what day this happened. This could all be wrong, but that''s part of why I did this tonight. To find out.

    I pull out a bag I''d brought with me for this very purpose and scatter its contents on the floor. After a moment of consideration, I search the desk until I find the entry logs, and burn them. Godfrey already knows when I came in the gate, but perhaps that very fact will point away from me if he decides to look into this for some reason. It''s the best I can do for now, and I slip out a window, and then travel back toward my family''s home. Tonight was something of a trial run. I will soon know whether my guesses were accurate or not, and can better plan more important outings around the response to this.

    All in all, there are two fewer rapists in the world and I have a way to gather information. The gate is unguarded and will be for a while. With a little observation, I will find out how the city guard and nobility react to that, and how they investigate this type of crime. When it matters in the future, I''ll have far more information. I also planted a little seed I can nurture in the future.

    Now, I just need to wait and observe.

 Chapter 23 - Old Friends

    "Good morning Lily!" the cheerful Henry greets as I come down the stairs for breakfast. I stare at him with half-lidded eyes and he grins back at me.

    "You know, I''m really glad your time in captivity isn''t keeping you down," I respond, "but you could, I don''t know, be a little more traumatized, at least in the mornings?" I don''t mean it, and he knows I don''t mean it. I am honestly astonished at his resilience, and glad for him that he remains as happy as he is. I myself am an ugly mess of compartmentalized experiences I mostly cope with through action and gallows humor.

    "Oh shut up, I made breakfast, come join us!" he invites and I rub my eyes before following him. While I don''t need as much sleep as most people, I do need some, and I haven''t gotten much lately. It''s been weeks since I killed the men at the gate, and I''ve been closely watching for a response from the city guard. I wanted to see how far up the chain of command it was reported and what sort of actions they took in response.

    I had a few theories and expectations, and I needed the information. What they did, however, defied anything I had prepared for. I had been out all day and night, partially to prepare for classes, run a few other important errands, and mostly to keep an eye on the situation I had caused. As far as I can tell, they did nothing at all about it. The bodies were disposed of and then... nothing. There was no investigation and no posturing. They didn''t even replace them for a couple of days, which absolutely baffled me.

    My best guess is I am missing something, so I have been staying out longer and later. Which is why I am running off an hour of sleep on the morning of my first day of classes. As nostalgic as that feeling is, it''s no more pleasant than it had been in my last life. I can, at least, run for a lot longer off of an hour than I could then. I sit down at a round table with the rest of my family. Edward shifts uncomfortably while Gilbert and Mom greet me.

    "Morning," I intone before stabbing some kind of meat with my fork and taking a bite. I scan the room as I chew. A few other tables are occupied with the women we sort of... adopted? That''s technically exactly what we did but it feels gross to use the word since they are mostly adults. Any woman who had been left without a guardian when Baldwin died. They would have been assigned one regardless and it probably would have been decided with what amounted to a quiet auction.

    After a few minutes, Edward awkwardly stands up and brings his breakfast to another table where a new group is forming and I raise an eyebrow while I chew. He hasn''t been as openly hostile since I got back; or since Baldwin gave me the scar over my eye now that I think of it. Still, I guess he still doesn''t enjoy my company.

    "He''s not avoiding you, sweetheart," my mom promises, apparently reading my expression, "He''s just... well, I''ll let him tell you." I turn to look at her quizzically, then shrug and return to my meal. "I have a couple of dresses done for you by the way. I''ve no idea where you got the material but they are some of the finest I''ve ever made," she changes the subject and I awkwardly swallow so I can respond with an empty mouth.

    "Thanks, Mom," I respond, "I can''t wait to try them on." I am waking up a little and manage to inject more life into this response. I truly am grateful; I did not want to waste money on overpriced noble dresses and a tailor. She saved me on that front.

    "I saw them," Gilbert adds, "And the make-up kit you brought home. I have no idea how you afforded that, but the guys at your fancy school will think they''re on the first plane. Mom did an amazing job!" I laugh at that. I am pretty average, as far as I can tell. Maybe it''s just because I look like a fourteen-year-old but my highest aspirations are moderately attractive. Nevertheless, I understand the sentiment.

    "Well the guys at my fancy school can keep their first plane in their pants," I quip, "but seriously, Mom, thank you so much." She smiles warmly at me. She had a harder time of it the last couple of years, and it''s really good to see her so happy.

    "It''s no problem at all Lily," she responds, "honestly I enjoyed it much more than the other outfit you asked for. That one was atrocious. Please, never tell me what you use it for; I don''t think my heart could take it." Henry and I choke a little at that. She is referring to my more practical clothes, which include a tunic and sturdy pants I can fit light chainmail under. They are more comfortable and form-fitting than the same would be if I''d bought them from a tailor, who would never make them to my measurements. It also has a large hood and a simple mask that goes over my eyes.

    The mask is more of a backup than anything since I use light mana to obscure my face when I wear it. It also has gloves with steel sewn into the knuckles among other re-enforced sections. This is what I wear when I am... making house calls to people like the guards. Or when I am acquiring finer fabric and make-up for school, of course.

    "In any case, you did a great job on all of it Mom, you have been a big help to me too!" Henry adds, changing the subject on my behalf, "My alchemy would be far more dangerous without the clothes you made for me!"

    "Oh, the design for that was actually mostly Lily''s," Mom responds and the conversation moves on from there. My family has a basic idea of the sort of things I do. They all know what really happened with Baldwin; we live with a group of people who were present for that story. They also have a decent understanding of what happened to Walter, but I don''t share everything I do with them. This is for both our sakes. My mom would never sleep again and... I''m just not ready to talk about the Radiant Woods with them.

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    I finish my breakfast then crack my neck and stand up. "I''d better get headed out," I announce, "we are pretty far from campus. My first class isn''t for a while but I need to get over there and get ready."

    "Alright honey, let me get your dresses for you," Mom replies, wiping her mouth and heading back up the stairs.

    "First day huh? You gonna be okay out there?" Gilbert asks, "You need help with anything?"

    "Yeah actually, I could use an assistant today," Henry answers and I smile at him. Well done. Gilbert always avoids helping Henry with his work and there isn''t much he can do for me. I laugh as Gilbert''s face twitches at Henry''s opportunistic answer, then go to meet my mom. She is returning with the promised dresses.

    "Thanks, Mom," I say, accepting them from her and giving her a quick hug.

    "No problem Lily, good luck today!" she responds, hugging me back. I head outside to be greeted by the impatient face of Godfrey''s coachman. I shrug at him as he rolls his eyes, then I get on and enjoy the ride to the campus. I get a few odd looks as I enter campus but the knights don''t stop me. I haven''t changed yet so I look extremely out of place, but I just ignore them as I head to my ''dorm''. They have a nice mirror there and putting on make-up will be much easier. I am pretty out of practice, and I''ve never used this medieval version so I want the advantage.

    As I walk into the small mansion-turned-dorm I''m met with two very different expressions on two faces. Autumn''s eyes widen as she realizes we are rooming together and I''m glad to see her. I suppose it makes sense. The twins aren''t very prominent nobles and while I have prominent backing, I am not either. I knew they grouped students by area of origin and rank. They don''t group us by grade, however, as the other girl in the room looks about seventeen. She is looking down her nose at me like a skunk just walked into her room.

    I shrug her off; skunks are cute and she should show them more respect. Instead, I focus on Autumn. "Lillith! Are you in this dorm too?" she asks excitedly and the other girl gives her a sharp look. I am glad to see she is excited and time has helped heal the shock of our experience in the woods. I suppose a familiar face does a lot to close gaps in new environments.

    "Um, do you know this... commoner?" the older girl condescends and I roll my eyes.

    "Huh, oh this is Lillith of Endings, don''t let the common dress fool you, there''s a lot more to her than meets the eye," Autumn answers and I laugh.

    "It''s good to see you too, Autumn," I answer, "yeah this is my dorm, although you probably won''t see me here much." Autumn looks disappointed and the other girl looks relieved.

    "Well that''s good to hear, exactly how low-born are you to dress like that?" the unfamiliar girl sneers and I smirk.

    "Just low-born enough to be roomed with you, it would seem," I quip and she looks like I smacked her across the face. "Anyway, I have to go get dressed, I''ll catch up with you in a bit, Autumn." Autumn nods and waves as I head to my room.

    The dresses my mom made actually are fantastic, and I won''t lose out to anyone on campus. They aren''t exactly comfortable, but my mom had complied with my insane request to sew in pockets. It takes me a while to figure out the make-up, but I get it together. I think I look decent, all things considered, and I''m unlikely to stand out too much. I head down in the finest red dress I''ve ever worn and looking like a million bucks. I am of course so well dressed because today I am attending... basic math.

    The rude girl from before is absent but Autumn is waiting for me. "Lillith, you look great!" she exclaims. Her blue dress is just as nice and I realize she is going to class today as well. It''s a bit silly how dressed up we are expected to be, but with the children of so many prominent nobles attending, there are a lot of behind-the-scene politics at play here.

    "Same to you, you''re killing it," I respond and her smile begins to fall before I add, "which is to say, you look wonderful. Sorry, I suppose that''s an uncommon turn-of-phrase here." She smiles again and accepts my explanation readily. Of the people on campus, she will be one of the ones more prepared for my antics. "I''m headed to math, I don''t suppose you have the same class?" I ask. It''s a core class for students our age and it''s not unlikely she will be there, as it is only taught in three different sessions.

    Her face brightens and she nods excitedly, "I am! do you want to walk together?" I smile back and nod in return.

    "I''d love to, I''m glad to see you doing so well, how is August?" I ask and we catch up while walking to class. All in all, it feels a lot like my undergrad days on earth, excepting the black-tie apparel. As Annie, I would have walked to class in my favorite hoodie with ''Bash Back'' printed on the front in hot pink letters. Oh well, I suppose this dress does bring out my eyes.

    "So who was the ray of sunshine earlier?" I inquire as we approach the building our first class is in and remembering the snooty girl from our dorm.

    "Oh, that was Iris of Bonner, one of our roommates. Don''t mind her, only Iris impresses Iris," she answers and I nod. I suppose there are probably more than a few Iris types on this campus. It''s why I''m dressed like this, after all.

    As we finally arrive at the theatre-style classroom, I am met with August''s familiar face and we meet up with him. We are looking for seats when a sneering voice calls out, "Lillith, what in the third plane are you doing here? Shall I call the knights to escort you off campus?" I turn to look and groan as I see who the voice belongs to.

    I don''t actually have that much against this kid. The last time I saw him he was just a spoiled child being a spoiled child. Assuming he was unaware of the steps his father took against me, that''s probably all he ever was. I still don''t like him much, however, and I am not happy to see him here.

    "Who is that?" August whispers to me and I sigh.

    "We used to be... friends," I answer tiredly, "a long time ago. Although I haven''t thought of him much lately." Hugh snickers at the description of our past relationship and I rub my temples, already exhausted with this school year.

 Chapter 24 - Class Begins

    "We weren''t friends," Hugh retorts, "we were courting. Until I decided a commoner was beneath my station. I got what I wanted from her anyway. You really shouldn''t bring your pets to class, I don''t think commoners are allowed here." I roll my eyes at the smirk on his face as he addresses Autumn. I see he hasn''t grown more pleasant over the years. Also, gross dude. We were what, twelve last time we saw each other? Why would you even want people to believe you ''got what you wanted'' from a girl that age?

    "These classes are going to be tough with a memory like that Hugh, I suggest you take careful notes," I intone and he scowls at me. Interestingly, Autumn and August aren''t the only ones to snicker at that. I''m not the only one to notice this and Hugh''s face turns red.

    "My memory is perfect, but thank you for your concern, common trash. I should have listened to my father when we were younger, he always had the right read on you," he sneers and I raise an eyebrow.

    "If I recall correctly, I completely took your father''s breath away," I retort. This only draws a confused look from Hugh which confirms that he was not informed of the details of his father''s death. Walter''s fate and my role in it was known to the guards, so that is interesting. I suppose Baldwin didn''t want any uncouth rumors about me before the wedding. After a second I realize Autumn is blushing and Hugh looks furious and I realize my mistake. Since only I know the true double meaning of that joke, I hadn''t considered what conclusion others would draw. Oops.

    "My father never touched you, idiot girl. That privilege was mine alone," he snarls.

    "Of course he didn''t. Much like you, his intimate interactions with me all ended when he woke up alone in wet sheets," I quip, then turn away to get my quill and notebook.

    "I think I will retrieve the knights. I won''t be able to focus with the stink of a commoner in the classroom with me," Hugh furiously threatens, and August steps in.

    "What house are you from, that you feel comfortable threatening Lillith of Endings, the apprentice of the Duke of Facinley?" he asks. Hugh''s face pales and I groan. Damnit August, I was doing fine. I really didn''t want to fucking name-drop Godfrey. Now everyone in this damn class is going to pay attention to everything I do. I glare at August as Hugh stutters.

    "He doesn''t have a family name," another boy cuts in, likely trying to gain my favor now that he knows who my ''backer'' is, "he''s from a family of merchants who bought their title and magic circle. They weren''t important enough to be christened by the temple. He''s just a wannabe noble trying to earn status by attaching himself to proper nobles." With that Hugh thoroughly loses the support of the classroom, but I don''t feel like I won.

    I did piss off a sexist loser, but thanks to August it went from a perfectly respectable verbal joust to throwing noble names around and shaming a kid for his status. His low ranking among nobility is not what he should feel ashamed of and it''s no victory to fall back on that. That and now I am going to have people hanging onto me just to get closer to Godfrey. I have gathered that Godfrey had lost a great deal of respectability among upper nobility during his time in Satusmor, but he was still miles above the average noble house.

    I give August a sharp look that only draws confusion from him, but we don''t get a chance to discuss it as the professor enters the room. She is a severe-looking woman, which surprises me. Not her severity but her gender. So far I haven''t met a single male professor on this campus. This confuses me as much as my doctor being a woman when I was a child. In this society, I would expect both positions to be primarily men.

    "Everyone be silent!" she commands with mana projecting her voice. She has her aura suppressed, but I can see a lapel with sound mana around it on her dress. The class quiets down quickly and takes their seats. Again I am surprised. To this day I have not seen a man respond to a woman''s orders with such respect, even a noblewoman. Excepting children with their mothers, I suppose.

    "I am Clarrise of Cavallo. You may call me Professor Clarrise or Lady Clarrise. I will be teaching your ''Introductory Mathematics'' course this semester. I strongly suggest you pay close attention during my lectures. This course is a difficult and fast one, and it is a core requirement. In other words, if you fail this class you will have to retake it until you pass, or you will not graduate. I do not care who your parents are, and I do not care how much mana you have. I don''t care if the Collector himself is backing you. If you do not focus and work hard, you will fail this class," she lectures and I feel my focus failing me.

    I have heard this lecture a few times, and it apparently remains more or less consistent across worlds. I didn''t attend with many nobles in my past life, but the sentiment is the same. She lectures for nearly an hour on what will be covered throughout the course and I relax. It seems that, while students are expected to have received tutoring, the expectation is fairly low. This year won''t extend far past fractions, long division, and other similar concepts. Based on the culture and architecture I have seen, I suspect this world''s mathematic knowledge extends somewhere around trigonometry, but not all the way to calculus.

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    There is also no standard education system in place, so while at my age I would have been learning algebra, it''s not surprising they are covering simpler concepts instead. In any case, I could do this shit in my sleep; I don''t even need a calculator. That''s what I expect, anyway, but when Professor Clarrise writes an equation on some sort of magic board at the front of the room, I realize a minor mistake. I recognize the numeral characters, but the other symbols are mostly alien. I had encountered a few when learning to draw magic circles, but I hadn''t read more than I needed.

    As such, I have no idea how to read the question. At a glance I see the numbers are all listed horizontally while the unfamiliar symbols are stacked vertically on the right, but I can only guess what each means or how they interact. I''m not too worried about this, I have time to learn this notation before it will become relevant to me. "You in the red dress, can you tell me how to solve this equation?" the professor asks. Well, shit.

    I look at the board and the professor for a moment before I shrug and lean back. "I''m afraid I haven''t got a clue," I answer, unworried. There is no point in trying to fake it; I might as well own it. Clarrise narrows her eyes at me and a subdued chuckle radiates through the class.

    "Young Lady, I suggest you take this seriously. I am not an easily amused woman, and brushing me off isn''t going to result in positive marks," she reprimands and I wave my hand placatingly.

    "Sorry, I mean I legitimately don''t know how to read that, I don''t understand the notation," I explain and she raises an eyebrow at me.

    "Your tutor never showed you basic mathematical notation? That is more than an oversight, that is open negligence. What is her name?" she asks, unamused. I don''t miss the assumption that my tutor was a woman and a couple of puzzle pieces fall into place. I suppose teaching must be considered women''s work. I don''t know if that is because it involves working with children, if it''s considered caregiving, or some other reason, but it seems likely. It''s interesting how sexism can be expressed differently, but I suppose it''s all made up social standards anyway. There is no reason it would manifest the same way across worlds.

    "I never had a mathematics tutor, I''m afraid. My house is fairly new and I have only had such opportunities for a year or so," I explain. I hear the start of a few snickers that are cut short as they remember who my backer is. That is going to get old fast. Although Godfrey will probably be pleased.

    "Then you are starting quite a bit behind. I suggest you secure a supplementary tutor at your earliest opportunity, or you will most certainly fail. You are already in a questionable position and will have to work hard," she lectures and I nod along. From where I am sitting, I have to learn simple notation and everyone else has to learn a year''s worth of math. I think I will have an easier time than she suspects. Hugh snickers at me and tries to whisper jabs at me but I ignore him, which results in his face growing redder with rage as the class proceeds.

    The rest of class is uneventful, and I am not called on again. We receive an assignment, which is handed out as a sheet of enchanted tin. It seems it can be activated with aspectless mana and one equation will appear at a time. I am more interested in the workings of the magical item than anything else and I look forward to examining it. I have already seen more complex magical item enchantments today than I have the rest of my life combined. I suppose the academy is probably the origin point for a lot of designs, but I would expect them to be more widespread. Especially if they can hand out homework assignments on them.

    Considering the opulence of the rest of the campus, however, it seems the academy is more important than I expected. Much of the kingdom''s wealth must be invested in this campus. I suppose that explains why Godfrey wants me here. If the academy is so important, sponsoring a student who performs well may be better for his reputation than I thought.

    "Um, I can teach you the notation, if you want," Autumn offers and I am drawn out of my introspection. I smile at her.

    "Thanks, I''ll take you up on that!" I agree and she smiles. She also gives me that look she has been giving me since we escaped the Radiant Woods. I think she is looking forward to having me alone, it seems she may finally say whatever has been on her mind when we have some privacy.

    "Okay, I''ll help you back at the dorm tonight, does that work?" She asks, and I shake my head.

    "Sorry, I have something else to do tonight," I decline and she looks disappointed and confused.

    "But... the gates will close, you''ll have to come back at some point," she protests.

    "Ah, right. You may find me absent from the dorm a lot. I have other responsibilities... outside the campus walls," I explain as we walk away from the classroom. She gives me that same look again then nods.

    "If you say so. Will you have time tomorrow?"

    "Oh, uh, yeah I have some time between classes. I have my science of mana and aspecting classes tomorrow."

    "Okay, I suppose that will work."

    "Anyway, I have something to do now, actually. I made a promise to a friend." I start to depart but Autumn grabs my arm to stop me.

    "Be careful out there," she whispers to me, "stay safe, okay?" I see genuine concern in her eyes and I soften.

    "I''ll do my best," I promise, before leaving her there, looking concerned. I do have a promise to keep, however, and a few shops to investigate. A few hours later, and after several dead ends, I finally find a promising storefront. When not investigating the city guard, this is what I have been doing.

    I examine the little dress shop in front of me. The street, the window, and the landmarks are all exactly as Sarafyna described. This has to be it. The shop that should have been her''s, and the window that should have displayed her hats. Here is where I will find my first clues about her father. I promised her I would find him, and this is step one.

    I take a deep breath and enter the shop.

 Chapter 25 - Information Gathering

    Nobles and the rich are the only people that are consistently clean. My hair, clothes, body, and teeth all out me as a noble the second any commoner sees me. This is particularly frustrating for me because these should not be signs of wealth. One of the first things about this world that confused me was the treatment of soap as a luxury item despite its common ingredients. This turned out to be by design. Merchants love selling something cheap to produce for a great deal of money, like insulin on Earth, and nobles love the optics. Nobles and royalty are not actually especially beautiful people. They are nevertheless known as particularly attractive.

    They create this myth by keeping soap, shampoo, make-up, fine clothes, and other things for themselves. It''s, by design, become a feedback loop. Nobles get nicer baths, basic hygiene products, and cosmetics because they are ''superior''. Nobles look and smell better than commoners, and are even generally healthier, then reference that fact as evidence that they are superior. The same system is used with education, mana, food, and anything else they can control. The worst part of it is, they even have the commoners re-enforcing the idea.

    I had tried spreading the knowledge to make and distribute soap in Satusmor and had been met with surprising pushback. Part of this is because they don''t understand how germs and sickness work, and part is because when you spend a lifetime without using it, it''s easy to not know how good it feels to use it. That and ''this animal fat and wood ash is how nobles look so pretty'' sounds like a snake oil pitch. The most important factor, however, is the very divide nobles want.

    If a commoner does start cleaning themselves up, they start to look like a noble. Irritatingly, this is met with ridicule from both castes. Commoners treat other commoners like they are arrogant, suspect them of hiding wealth or wasting money, and ostracize them. Nobles treat commoners like they are stepping above their station and find petty ways to punish them. All in all the average commoner finds it easier to maintain the status quo than challenge it. To them, it looks like little gain with a large social risk. It''s like a minimum-wage worker saving up for a thousand-dollar watch. Their co-workers will laugh at them and the rich will sneer at them. Except this shit has a practical use, dammit!

    If mana didn''t promise such profound changes to people''s life I probably wouldn''t have been able to spread it either. This is why, when I walk into the dress shop, the woman behind the counter splutters, "M-My lady, is there any way I can serve you today?" I sigh internally but keep a smile on my face. This has happened all day. I did change out of my... school clothes before visiting any shops, but it doesn''t matter. I am clean and I look like a noble. Nobles may still look down on me in this simple dress, but a commoner will spot me from a mile away. At the absolute lowest, I am obviously at least the maid in a noble''s house, and those are sometimes nobles as well.

    "I just had a couple of questions, if you don''t mind?" I ask in my best ''talking to my prick boss'' voice. Not the snarky one, the overly polite and friendly one they all misinterpret as ''respect.'' I want to let her know I am not here to throw a fit and so far this tone has helped. She still looks worried but I perceive a slight release of tension.

    "I... I don''t know if I have any dresses that will be up to your standards, but I can bring out my best ones. A-And of course I don''t mind answering any questions you have about them, anything you need, my Lady," she scrambles. I hold back a groan. I want to tell her to just call me Lillith. Or Lily, friend, buddy, Lil fella, or anything else that isn''t ''My Lady'' but I remember Wallace and hold myself back. It will only stress her out more.

    "Not about the dresses, actually, about the shop. I''m looking for a friend, someone who used to own this same building," I explain and she looks confused and worried.

    "Uh, I''m sorry my Lady but I don''t think that''s possible. My husband has owned this shop for nearly ten years now, you would have been very young when I bought it. Is it possible you have the wrong shop," she asks, before paling and adding, "N-not that I don''t think you don''t know what you are talking about, I''m sure I am just wrong about your age, I... I''m sorry."

    "No no, it''s perfectly possible you are right and I am mistaken about the shop. This is the most like the one I am thinking of, however, do you know anything about the previous owner?" I ask, trying to reassure her and move forward at the same time.

    "I... no my Lady, not much. I''m sorry," she responds and my face falls and she hurries to add, "We bought it from the town guard, though, I believe the previous owner must have had his assets seized by them after being arrested. You may be able to learn about them from the nearest barracks!" I perk up at that. It''s pretty terrible news for Sara, but it is a lead. I can''t track it down at the moment, but it''s somewhere to start. From what I know about Sara''s father, he was a good worker. If he was the last owner and he is still alive, he will probably be a slave now. The records of slaves are well kept to prevent their escape.

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    "Thank you very much, ma''am," I say, even bowing slightly and she looks at me with wide eyes. She is like Wallace and responds to my presence with more fear than some other commoners. She has probably had a pretty bad encounter with at least one in the past. I put a few tin coins on the counter before excusing myself.

    Now I have two reasons to visit the guards, and that is what I will do tomorrow night. For now, I need to find a place to sleep. The campus gate will be closed by the time I get back to it, and I need somewhere I can go to regularly. As I am contemplating this I walk by another shop and something in the window catches my eye. On a whim, I enter and pay a generous price for it, then return to the road to hail a carriage.

    Sometime later, and after finding a secluded spot to remove my dress and reveal my more practical clothes, I find myself in the perfect inn. It is still in a poorer part of the city, but richer than my family''s inn and much closer to campus. A little watching and waiting and I discover it is used for a few seedy things that both nobles and commoners might partake in. It has a gambling den in the basement with a common and VIP section, and it is used for buying and selling green mist and black market potions.

    In other words, a noble in more common clothes and a mask will not be out of place here at all. The owners are discreet about their clients and the guests aren''t discreet enough about their friends. I walk up to the counter to ask for a long-term room and am greeted with a question. "What''s with the mask? No one cares who you are kid," the man behind the counter asks.

    "Oh I know," I answer, "It''s just it''s terribly comfortable; I think everyone will be wearing them in the future," I quip and he rewards me with a gruff laugh.

    "Suit yourself, what can I do ya for?" he retorts and I tap my chin thoughtfully.

    "How much for a room?" I ask and he points at the wall behind him with his thumb. I see a tiny piece of paper pinned to the wall with prices listed, off to the side of the menu for the tavern. "Sorry, how much for a room indefinitely," I ask and he looks up at me, clearly bored.

    "If you wanna stay long term, you gotta talk to the owner. For now, just pay the regular price until you can make arrangements with him," he grunts at me and I put my coins on the table. He pulls a key off a rack on the wall and tosses it to me.

    "Rooms on the third floor. Meals aren''t included. Don''t let me know if you need anything," he explains and I chuckle. The contrast with the woman at the dress shop is astounding and honestly, I like it better this way. Even nobles here won''t want to call attention to the fact that they have been here. They won''t be arrested or anything but it wouldn''t be a great public-facing image and they wouldn''t be welcome back. It''s also possible this guy is a minor noble himself, he is cleaner than the average commoner and greasier than the average noble. I suspect he has made his status unclear on purpose.

    I move up to the room and unpack my things. This will do nicely. The window faces an alley and it even has a small bath. This will be much better than the fancy mansion the academy provided for me. My own little Batcave, so to speak. Once I have everything in place I head back downstairs and order a meal. The food is actually seasoned for once, a benefit of going to a place nobles frequent. It''s not bad, honestly. As I eat, I listen.

    Most people talk about little of interest to me, although a couple casually boast about cruelties they have committed or witnessed and I make note of them. My ears really perk up when a couple of guards complain about a new assignment, however.

    "My unit is being sent after the fucking traitors," the first guard complains, halfway through his second pint of beer.

    "Shit, that''s pretty dangerous isn''t it? Shouldn''t they be sending knights after them? We aren''t really equipped to deal with them!" the second guard responds, shocked.

    "They do, but knights are too obvious. Some bullshit about mages being able to spot mages or something. They are using us to set up traps. Fuck, man, I don''t know if I can do it. Maybe I should retire," guard one explains.

    "That''s not right, I swear we bend over backward for those noble pricks. We never investigate anything they do, we act as personal security for them, we even give them free slaves, but do they give a shit about us? No. The minute some of their own start causing trouble, they send us at them like cannon fodder," guard two laments.

    "Shut up!" guard one orders under his breath, "complaining about our assignments is one thing. Complaining about nobles is another. We have it better than slaves and I want to keep it that way!"

    "Oh please, no one is going to turn us into slaves, they need us too much," the clearly more drunk guard two retorts, much more loudly.

    "You idiot, nobles come here. They don''t need us specifically!" the cautious guard insists and the conversation devolves into a meaningless argument.

    This provides me with two pieces of information. First, there is a group of noble traitors, possibly rebels, in the capital. Either people have traveled from Satusmor, or more likely considering the implied danger, there is an anti-royalist faction of nobles here. Second, this is well-known information. Maybe not to every commoner on the streets, but the guard who was too cautious to complain about nobles had no problem talking about them. In other words, it''s either not a secret or it''s a poorly kept one.

    I probably would have learned about them sooner or later, but this is still helpful. I''ll have to investigate them but, if I play my cards right, they might be very useful to me. One more thing to investigate, and another reason to visit the barracks tomorrow. I finish my meal and head back up to my room. I spend the rest of the evening working on my magic and body modifications, before going to sleep late into the night.

    Starting tomorrow, this is going to be a very interesting year.

 Chapter 26 - Happy as a Hatter

    Sarafyna

    Lillith insists I''m not a monster. Meeting her gave me my life and body back. She freed me from what I thought would be an unending torment, and in a short time, I have grown to trust her more than nearly anyone I''ve ever known. I don''t know if that is pure gratitude or the result of the overwhelming energy I feel whenever she is near, but I have never felt so safe as when she is near. I even agreed to a lot of her ideas that... well I would have run from her and asked for help in the past.

    That is to say, I believe her when she says she doesn''t think I''m a monster. It''s just that... she is wrong. She didn''t just help me take my body and life back, she helped me take my mind back. All that time in the Radiant Woods, I had to shove my humanity to the back of my mind to survive. As the hours, weeks, and years blended together and I stopped relying on sight and sound, I became something else. The world turned gray and bland, and I melted into it. I flowed with the Radiant Woods and barely thought about anything before the end.

    When I first felt Lillith''s energy was the first time in years I had thought of seeing my father again. When I started resembling a person again my mind started to clear and I was able to make sense of my time in the forest. I remember the rage that compelled me to hunt the priests. I remember hunting them, chasing them down like rats, and devouring them. I remember consuming them and using them to grow stronger. They are still with me, even now.

    They are long dead; their souls have long departed this plane. Their bodies maintain some of their will, however. It''s why Lillith couldn''t heal them. She said she can only help a person change their body with their consent. Well, not every part of my body is mine. She said I have divine magic, which can change bodies against their will, but mine doesn''t seem to work like that. It''s easier for me than her, but even my divine magic can''t smooth the skin made up of my victim''s flesh. I can condense and suppress it. I can hide the actual size I am capable of reaching, only leaving evidence in my deep footprints. But I can''t make it... me.

    They are no longer the giant welts they once were. I can see again, with my actual eyes, for the first time in forever. Instead, my entire body appears to be covered in burn scars, like it has melted. It''s the flesh of priests and bits of the Radiant woods that resist the form I tell them to take. So Lillith may say I''m not a monster, but she is wrong. When I was still a child, an innocent girl excited to open a hat shop, I would have feared me. The monster with other people''s bodies melted into her own. I would have nightmares if I even imagined a creature like me.

    It disgusts me, what I have done. I am terrified of the person in me that, blinded by rage, hunted and dissolved the objects of my hatred. When I think of the priests, however, the little girls at their first confession not knowing how close they are to a fate worse than death... I don''t regret it. That''s what really makes me a monster. I am repulsed by what I have done, and I am going to do it again. I am going to scrub that mind-raping filth from the surface of this world. Lillith knows I am going to continue to kill and hurt people. She even plans to do the same. But she can''t feel their skin warring with her own. She can''t feel their fear and pain as they dissolve.

    She can''t tell me I''m not a monster.

    Then there is Peter. He reminds me that I am not just a monster. I gave him something he had lost as well. And he gave me the same. Not just his sight, he is grateful for that but it''s not what really healed him. I am his family now, and he is mine. Lillith said she would find my father, but I don''t know if he is even alive. I refuse to get my hopes up about seeing him again. I stopped hoping for that a long time ago. But Peter is like a little brother. He cares about me, and he isn''t afraid of me.

    I can''t imagine another child seeing me, even knowing about me, and not fearing me. I got the feeling that boy and girl we traveled with were kids and I could feel that they feared me. Even after they apologized to me they still didn''t feel safe around me. It''s a strange thing to be pitied and feared by the same person. Peter doesn''t pity or fear me, as far as I can tell. I can''t... sense it from him like I can with the others. It must have something to do with mana, but that doesn''t matter. What matters is, he loves me like a sister or even a mother. He relies on me. His happiness is the one purely good thing I can contribute to the world.

    I can''t make my hats. I''ll probably never even wear one again. But I can make Peter happy. As I watch Peter sleep, I fiddle with my fingers, growing and removing claws, teeth, and eyes to practice. This is one of the things I have been getting good at. For Lillith''s idea to work, I need to form my body at will. Now that I have been reminded what it means to be human again, I can get back to it on my own. I don''t know what will happen if I change myself too much or for too long, but changes like this are becoming easy.

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    Regular mana, on the other hand, is not. I haven''t been able to control it or so much as tilt my head toward a single aspect. Lillith had tried to help me with this, but even with her guidance, I made no progress at all. That''s fine. My so-called divine magic will be enough.

    As I am thinking about what I need to do, and wondering if I will be ready when the time comes, I feel it. Lillith''s energy is nearby. Well, sort of. She is near the drop spot outside the city walls. She says she suppresses her mana but if she is close enough, I can always feel her. I don''t know why this is, and according to her that guy she killed with divine magic showed no signs of a similar ability, but I can. Nevertheless, she is near.

    I gently wake Peter and he looks up at me and rubs his bleary eyes. I give him a moment to adjust to the dark before speaking. "Hey, kiddo, it''s time," I whisper and he nods.

    "Alright," he agrees and begins gathering his things. Lillith had left us with the remains of the priest''s provisions at first, but she has been bringing us regular supply drops since. I could hunt a little with my abilities, but she honestly knows a lot more about what is safe to eat and what Peter needs to be healthy. Her support has kept us safe this entire time. "Okay, I''m ready Sara," Peter says and I hold my hand out for him. We walk out of our little cave and into the open air, hand-in-hand.

    "How did you sleep?" I ask, squeezing his hand gently. I am grateful to have him here but I also worry about him.

    "I slept okay, thanks," he answers and looks up at me with concern and complains, "I wish you would sleep more as well..." Sometimes I think he worries about me even more.

    "I don''t need sleep so much these days, I''m too magical," I smile at him and he pouts. The light-hearted deflections are apparently wearing thin. He''s right to worry. I feel completely lost, all the time. Without the goal of dealing with the priests, and the joy of taking care of him... I don''t know if there would still be a place for me in this world. There is no hat shop waiting for me anymore. No warm home. No future. Peter can feel that, or at least that I feel that. We walk in silence the rest of the way to the drop point.

    As we approach, I move the foliage hiding the supplies and my breath catches in my throat. I can''t believe what I am looking at. There is the usual crate of food I am always impressed she gets past the gate guard. The clean clothes and the soap she insists will keep us from getting sick if we use it. On top of that, however, is a simple, round box. It''s not the nicest I have seen, but it is unmistakable.

    With it comes a sense of excitement I thought I had lost. That childlike sense of wonder I was certain the Radiant Woods had stomped out of me. It''s small, and it''s the tiniest spark, but it''s there and it''s so warm. My hands tremble as I lift the lid on the box, and one of them covers my mouth when I first see the contents. I feel tears running over my fingers as I look at the beautiful hat inside.

    It''s a simple one, with a curved brim and a couple of cloth flowers sewn into the top. I haven''t seen one in so long, I had almost forgotten the joy they brought me. Somewhere, deep down, Sarafyna is still alive. I don''t know why Lillith decided to include this with our supplies today, but I clutch it to my chest and cry. It''s not much, it shouldn''t be much. It''s just a little thing. But even now, she is still pulling me back to humanity.

    "What is it, is everything alright? What''s wrong" Peter panics and puts his hand on my shoulder. I just turn and pull him into a hug.

    "Everything is perfect, Peter. There is nothing at all to worry about," I promise and he returns the hug. "We are going to figure everything out, I think."

    He looks up at me as I let him go. He looks between the simple hat in my hand and my red eyes and tilts his head. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, just nodding. Then he opens his mouth again and asks, "Are you happy?" I hear the hope in his voice and nod vigorously. I have tried to fake more happiness than I have felt while staying with him, but you really can''t underestimate the emotional insight of children.

    "I am very happy. I don''t know why this is what did it, but yes Peter. I am happy," I answer and he gives me the widest, most childlike grin I have ever seen. We pack up the supplies and begin making our way back to our cave. "I''m sorry, Peter. I haven''t been being honest with you, you''re right. I should have known you could tell. Thanks for bearing with me."

    "It''s okay, I don''t really mind," he beams. He is obviously excited to see me actually happy, and it has a feedback effect. He grows more energetic and I can''t help but rise to match him. "Why are you so happy about it though, it''s just a hat?" he asks, confused but still grinning.

    "Just a hat? How dare you! You clearly have no idea what you are talking about. There is no such thing as ''just a hat''" I laugh in response, then launch into a long-forgotten tirade about how much personality a hat carries and what it says about its wearer. I regale him with old stories of the love that goes into crafting them and, while he doesn''t seem that interested, he smiles and nods along as we walk. It feels like a dam has broken as the passion I locked in a dark corner of my mind flows out again and I couldn''t stop if I wanted to. I revel in the feeling of just wearing it.

    When we arrive at the cave, Peter pauses and I turn to look at him quizzically. "I haven''t been honest with you either," he admits and I kneel down.

    "Oh? Is there something wrong," I ask with a smile still on my face. He looks at the ground and kicks his foot nervously. My smile begins to fade a little. "It''s alright, you can tell me," I encourage and he looks up at me awkwardly.

    "When you found me, I wasn''t being left in the woods," he admits. "I had been living with the priests... for years. They said I was there to get their magic... they promised they would make my eyes better if I became one of them..."

 Missing Chapter - Peter

    Lillith

    I sit on a log outside Sarafyna and Peter''s cave. I have mostly been dropping them supplies as needed, but on my last visit, Sara was waiting for me with a serious look on her face. She brought me back here to listen to Peter, who is currently avoiding eye contact with me. "It''s alright, Pete, you know we can trust her," Sara reassures and he kicks his feet in the dirt.

    "Take your time, Peter," I add, "Just start whenever you are comfortable." I am dying to know what they want to tell me, but pushing him will only make things worse. After a few moments, he finally starts speaking. At first, it''s a whisper, but he grows louder the longer he speaks.

    "It started with my first confession. I wasn''t scared or anything, but I didn''t want to go. But my Papa said all boys had to at my age. Oh, this was a couple of years ago I think. I asked him why girls didn''t have to go until they were older, but he just told me I''d understand when I was a grown-up. Still, I didn''t want to go. Something about it made me feel all twisty inside. They made me go anyway. My mom took me while my dad was working, and I only felt worse when we got to the temple.

    "Mom made me go in anyway, and the priest who met us was nice. He gave me a cracker with actual sugar in it, and I put it away for later, when my stomach felt better. The halls of the temple were confusing and I couldn''t remember how to get back to my mom by the time we got to the room with the stone chair. The priest smiled at me as he brought me to sit down, and I started to think I was just being a baby, but..." he trails off.

    Sara rubs his back as he struggles to find the words to speak. I frown as I start to guess where this story is going. After a heavy silence, Peter sniffs and continues. "I don''t remember what happened. One moment I was scared, hoping the confession went quick. I hadn''t done anything that bad so I thought it might be fine, but, I''m not sure. One moment, priests were circling me, and the next... everything was dark. I couldn''t see anymore and I started to panic. It got hard to breathe and I fell out of the chair, trying to find the light.

    "Someone grabbed me and picked me up, and I cried for help but they just brought me somewhere. We were walking for a long time, it felt like, up and down stairs. But it never got any lighter. I was so afraid and lonely. I wanted to go back home. I wanted to be with anyone at all. I cried and begged to go home, or for someone to light a torch, but they ignored me. After a while, they stopped and told me to sit down. I reached out, trying to find a chair, and found my hands on something soft instead. Once I sat on it, they announced they had a ''new disciple'' and a bunch of voices responded all at once.

    "They left me there, and a whole lot of voices surrounded me and scared me. There were people all around me, asking for my name and how old I was. They were all boys, which I guess made sense cause I realized later the soft thing I was sitting on was a bed. The others told me I lived there now, and I would be there for a long time. I didn''t understand, I lived with my parents, they would want me home. But I didn''t know how to get there. I fell over on the bed, crying like a baby, and the other boys left me alone.

    "I fell asleep like that, and I don''t know how long I slept but I didn''t feel any better when I woke up. Things were like that, for a long time. Every day a priest would come down and feed us. He would tell us stories about the Collector and reward us with treats if we asked or answered questions. They told me I was supposed to be a priest myself when I grew up, that I''d been chosen by the Collector as a servant. I didn''t think I wanted to be a priest but... for some reason, the thought made me happy.

    "That was my life for a couple of years. I got to know the other boys. Some new ones and a few that had been there for years longer than me. We became friends but... I still felt lonely. Eventually, becoming a new priest was all I cared about. I only felt comfortable when the priest was telling us stories and offering us treats. The older boys even said, when we proved our faith to the Collector, the priests would take us on a trip and we would be able to see afterward. Oh, right. None of the other young boys could see either. The room wasn''t dark, I found out the Collector had broken our eyes as a test of faith, they said.

    "But the older boys said they could see. The priests said my parents were really happy for me, and I could see them again when I was a priest. This seemed normal. Well, sort of. It seemed normal because nothing else did, and what the priests said was the only thing that made sense. So I worked to prove my faith. I always asked the most questions about the stories. I started answering them for newer boys. I didn''t even notice how hazy everything felt after a long while.

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    "Then, finally, I proved my faith. The priests said I could go on the trip. I left the other boys and went on a long wagon ride. It felt like forever, but one day it suddenly changed. I had grown used to how foggy my brain was, but it started to clear up, slowly. It was kinda like how if you hold your head under the water in the bath, the sound gets all funny, but when you come back up it gets better. The fog just cleared. I started to miss my parents again, and it didn''t make sense they wouldn''t say goodbye before the temple took me.

    "Things the older boys said that I ignored started to come back to me. Like how they never let us talk to our parents. But things were still weird. Before, I really wanted to be a priest for some reason but didn''t understand why. For a few moments, that went away entirely and I was back to normal. But then suddenly, it came back but different. All the smells and sounds changed around me, and the fog was controlling me again. After that, instead of wanting to be a priest I just really wanted to make the Collector happy," he describes, pausing for a moment as he struggles to recall exactly what happened.

    As I listen to his story, I go from horrified to hopeful. From his description, it sounds like the priest''s control wavered when they approached the Radiant Woods and was reasserted by the Woods themselves. The implications of that open up a lot of options. I can''t chase them down at the moment, however, as Peter continues his story.

    "Anyway, we went around collecting... whatever that stuff was. The stuff in the wagon you got all worried about. They said eating it would make me an apprentice priest, and give me the Collector''s blessing. They spent a long time on that, but then... there were a lot of scary noises. The priests stopped and climbed out of the wagon, then I heard arguing and fighting and tried to hide. I guess you know the rest. That''s when we met. At first, I was scared of you. But you said you could help me see, like the priests could, and they were gone so, I went with you, Miss Lily.

    "After more scary noises and more hiding, the fogginess started to go away again. It went faster when I was near Sara, and I started to remember things again. The older boys saying we shouldn''t want to be priests. Saying we couldn''t trust the priests and we shouldn''t feel so scared and alone all the time. I even realized I didn''t feel lonely anymore. When I was around Sara, I felt safe. And scared. I remembered the others telling me that, after their trip, they tried to find their parents and their homes were either missing or they had been forgotten.

    "I didn''t know how I had managed to ignore that when they told me. It seemed so big and important when I could think clearly. But it was then that I realized I didn''t have a home to go back to. Because I believed the others. I don''t know if my parents are still around, but I know they won''t have a place for me if I find them," he wipes tears off his cheek as he talks then finally meets my eyes. "I''m sorry I didn''t tell you before. I wanted to but... I was afraid. You and Sara, you don''t like priests much. I was scared you would hate me too. But... I trust Sara."

    I look at him in thought. "It''s alright, Peter. We don''t hate you. Thank you so much for telling us," I respond and Sara wraps an arm around him.

    "You did really well, Peter. Thanks for telling her, you''ll be glad you did," she says and he turns to hug her. My mind races. It sounds like it''s not just the woods. Even Sara''s divine magic can free people from the temple''s control. As far as I know, she didn''t do this intentionally. I know the Radiant Woods didn''t do it intentionally. Of course, he couldn''t see, so it''s only a hypothesis, but it''s a promising one. I don''t think mind control can withstand divine magic from a more powerful source.

    This does, however, replace my worries with a new one. "Peter, I''m sorry, do you know if this is how all priests are trained?" I ask, worry nearly throttling me. I had thought divine magic didn''t work on priests, especially divine priests. If they are themselves mind-controlled, they are victims as well. If mind control works in a chain like that, eliminating priests may not only be ineffective long term, but it might be monstrous. I make eye contact with Sara, who is clearly worrying about the same thing.

    Peter scrunches his face up in thought. "Um, I don''t know for sure, but one of the oldest boys didn''t think so. He said he was one of the first to be recruited from confession. I didn''t think of it, it''s one of the things I ignored at the time, but he said priests started going missing a few years ago, and they started using boys like us because of that," he explains and I let out a breath.

    I spend the next couple of hours questioning him. From what I can tell, it''s not as bad as I worried. It seems like once they have divine magic they can think clearly again and other motivations are used to indoctrinate them the old-fashioned way. As color returns to my face, it drains from Sara''s even further.

    "They started doing this to children... because priests started disappearing?" she pleads for confirmation, and Peter nods.

    "I think so, yeah," he confirms and she looks sick.

    "Lillith, I have to save the others. I have to save the others as soon as possible," she begs and I hold up a placating hand.

    "Of course we are going to help the others," I agree, but she shakes her head.

    "No, I''ll do this one. I know you have other things to worry about right now. I have to do this one," she insists and I tilt my head, but agree. I would like to go with her, but she was dangerous to me even in the Radiant Woods. She can handle this. And she is right. We spend the rest of the evening making plans so I can meet her and help her transport the kids safely.

    It''s strange for me to plan to just... go back to class after hearing that story, but it''s the best move right now. I start altering my plans even further as I make my way back home.

 Chapter 27 - A New Friend, An Old Worry

    "No I''m quite serious," Leo laughed, "The kitchen staff caught me in the middle of the night, in my underwear, halfway through the cake. My father was absolutely furious!" I laugh along with him, enjoying the moment of peaceful revelry. Across from me in one of the campus restaurants was Leo, the infamous ''other commoner'' Cataline had been complaining of. I had encountered him this morning as both of us crept onto campus when the gates opened.

    "I can''t say I blame you. I too catch a glimpse of my inner madness when presented with half-decent desserts. Who cares about green mist, the food commoners are forced to eat is the real crime. So what did he do?" I respond to Leo''s emphatic concurs.

    "Oh, he was furious. Yes, the state I was in, and in front of other people, was one thing. But honestly?" Leo leans in conspiratorially, "I think he just wanted a bigger portion of the cake himself. He had a sour look on his face for a week!" I chuckle at this. Leo was a pleasant surprise this morning. I don''t know why he was off campus but after our initial exchange, we had clicked like old friends in an instant. I don''t even know how it happened, but we had shared secrets no one else knew by the time we made it to breakfast together.

    It was no mystery why the headmistress hated him. He was so bright, alive, headstrong, and thoroughly not a noble. He wasn''t like the twins, who I grew to like as we traveled because they weren''t horrible people and we were together. He was the friend I''d always had but hadn''t met yet. I didn''t have grand plans for him to help me end the monarchy, I just liked talking to him.

    "Well honestly, it could have been a lot worse than some sour looks. Eat half of my cake and there is going to be some violence," I quip and Leo waves me off. We continue to chat idly, almost as if I wasn''t planning someone''s murder in the back of my mind, while I wait for Autumn.

    "This restaurant is so surreal," Leo says after a lull in the conversation, "It''s bigger than my house and it''s just here for students?" I can''t say I disagree with him. I''ve stopped at food trucks and little build-a-burrito places at my old universities hundreds of times. As Annie, I only ever stopped at a place like this to throw a brick through the window. This place doesn''t even charge us. I mean, it does, but they just send the bill directly to our sponsors. I benevolently directed Leo''s bill to Godfrey with mine. The man can afford it, and if I have my way, this academy won''t have the chance to settle most people''s tuition anyway.

    "I couldn''t agree more. Between you and me, I may liberate some of their spices for my family," I conspire and Leo leans in with interest.

    "Lillith, there you are!" I hear Autumn interrupt and I turn around to greet her. "You uh, are going to stop by the dorms before classes, right?"

    "Yes yes, I know. I need to dress to impress. Can''t learn the science of mana without accentuating my assets, right?" I respond, rolling my eyes. "I''m headed there after breakfast, we can walk together if you like."

    "You know how we present ourselves reflects on our sponsors Lillith, for Lord Godfrey''s sake, you should probably dress up before coming here next time," Autumn sighs. I shrug, she''s right in a way. I don''t represent anyone but myself, I don''t care if someone wants to claim me and my accomplishments, but I also don''t want the attention I have likely been getting all morning. "But yes, I''ll walk with you, we can make plans for tutoring later!" she beams at me.

    "Yeah, I just got carried away with-" I start before trying to gesture to Leo and realizing he is gone, "with uh... that''s weird..." I trail off as Autumn looks past me.

    "You know, you could have waited for me," she pouts as I look around. I guess Leo isn''t comfortable around other nobles yet, so I shrug it off. He might not seem like the type to do anything but speak his mind anyway, but I have a couple of guesses as to why he might avoid them. I''ll ask him later.

    "Sorry," I apologize, "You know how I am with sweet food." I gesture at the pancakes in front of me and she nods knowingly.

    "Yeah, I probably should have guessed," she sighs. I feel no shame in how easily she accepted that excuse. Growing up as Lillith I hardly ever got anything with flavor, much less sugar. So what if I enjoy the chance at it now? She sits down next to me and orders her own breakfast. We make our own conversation which is pleasant, but I don''t connect with her like I had been with Leo.

    I do, however, trust her. She has earned that and it''s enough to provide a different kind of comfort. They are the same age but one is a kindred spirit while the other feels more like when I am fond of a student. She doesn''t eat a huge portion of pancakes as I had, demonstrating at least one area where her wisdom surpasses my own, and we are on our way to our shared dorm before long.

    "Your Science of Mana class ends around the same time as my Household and Estate Management class, do you want to meet at the dorm to catch up on your math?" she asks as we head toward the dorm. I raise an eyebrow at the class she is taking but I suppose it is likely a common one for noble ladies of her standing.

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    "Sure, thanks for the help," I agree, "you are a true hero." She smiles in response. Considering our typical dynamic, she is clearly excited to teach me something, and I see no reason not to let her enjoy it. Her glee doesn''t last long however as that familiar worry creeps back across her eyes as she looks at me.

    "Actually Lillith, there is something else I want to talk about as well. Will you have time for both?" A little aimless panic dances through my muscles at her tone but I rein it in. It''s good she is finally getting whatever it is off her chest. That tone just always precedes uncomfortable conversations and anxiety is a trained response.

    "Yeah, I have a good gap between classes. I''ll lend you an ear," I consent and she seems to simultaneously relax and tense up at the same time, like one worry was replaced with another and she carries them in different places.

    "Thanks, Lillith. I''ll see you then, but you seriously need to get ready. Your professor will probably kick you out if you look like that," she gestures at my simple dress, which I wear over my more practical clothes.

    "Yeah, yeah, I got it," I wave her off before heading up to my room and putting on the elegant silver dress my mother had made. I get my make-up done faster today, and it''s barely an hour later before I am sitting in another theatre-style classroom. None of the students from my math class attend this lecture, as it isn''t a core requirement and few people have an interest in how mana works on a base level, most favoring classes on how to use it.

    "Hey!" the excitable girl next to me greets, "I''m Vanessa of York, I don''t think we''ve met! Are you a first year? This is a pretty hard class, I''m impressed you are taking it already. Let me know if you need any help, this is my second time through, so I have a pretty good idea what the course is gonna cover. Did I mention I''m Vanessa? Nice to meet you!" I jump a little at the energy and sound attack she ambushes me with and I pause for a moment before answering.

    "Um... nice to meet you Vanessa, I''m Lillith," I answer, remembering just in time not to extend a hand for a shake.

    "Lillith as in just Lillith?" She asks, tilting her head, "Are you from a recently raised merchant family or do you have an affiliation? You should really use your entire name when introducing yourself, I know it''s growing more common to just use your given name but that''s the thing, common is exactly what it is! We are ladies of Potestia and we should behave as such! Besides, how will you find the right house to marry into if you don''t announce your own?"

    My mood sours at this new wall of sound she throws at me and I answer, "Endings. I''m Lillith of Endings. My house is newly christened, in the last year."

    "Oh," she says, then looks away awkwardly. She doesn''t respond with the whole, ''dirty commoner'' spiel but with the condescending and judgemental look boomers and losers give to tattoos. She pretends I''m not still looking at her for a moment before turning to her other side and repeating her first attack on a new and unsuspecting victim. I just roll my eyes and look toward the front of the room. A few minutes later a severe and elderly woman with the tightest topknot science is capable of marches into the room. The room goes quiet with little effort as she silently scans the class.

    "I am Judith of Dawson. I am an expert in mana of all types and aspects and the foremost expert on mana science in Potestia. This will be an extremely difficult and trying year for all of you. I see quite a few familiar faces. To the new faces, I must warn you. There is a reason for that. Two-thirds of you will fail this class. If you look to your left and right, only one of you will be here at the end of the year," the professor begins her introductory speech.

    I nod along to a speech I have heard dozens of times. I understand what she is saying. If you don''t focus and study and all that, you will fall behind. It''s probably true and I have seen it happen many times. It''s probably even more important to tell this to kids at this age. This is a university setting full of high school-aged children. Still, some part of me wonders why, when your job is to teach something, would you brag about barely clearing a thirty percent success rate. It''s the petulant part of me that was once an undergrad, and the calculus teacher in me tells her to zip it.

    The rest of the class is uneventful. Much like my math class, this is the introductory class. The day when we get our syllabus for the year and hear all the speeches about what is to come, the teacher''s homework and exam policy, make-up work, all that stuff that is very important and extremely difficult to focus on. I do notice the girl from earlier, Vanessa, whispering to her new friend and glancing in my direction but I just let it wash over me. No point starting anything over it, especially if this is a class I''ll need to focus on. My past life doesn''t give me an edge this time.

    Sometime later, we are dismissed and I stretch my hands above my head and yawn before collecting my things. I notice some guy eyeing me as I stretch and present my middle finger to him, which he finds thoroughly confusing. Finally, I head to the dorm to meet Autumn. She is waiting for me in her room, which is decorated primarily with red and has quite a few cute stuffed animals displayed around it. I haven''t actually seen a stuffed animal in this world, and it warms my heart a bit to see them until I realize why the first ones I found were in a noble girl''s room.

    "Hey Lillith," Autumn greets with apprehension. "Look, I know I said we would study math first, but I really need to ask you something."

    "Uh, hello," I respond, indicating I''m slightly annoyed I wasn''t allowed a single word before she sprung that on me, but softly enough that she knows it''s more of a friendly irritation than a legitimate one. "Go ahead. It''ll be better if you aren''t distracted the whole time, ask away."

    She takes a deep breath before fixing a resolute stare on me. "You know as well as I do, things were getting pretty bad in Satusmor before we left," she begins and I nod. They were getting different, anyway, if not actually worse for most people. But they were less comfortable and it would have been pretty stark for nobles. "But I can''t get it out of my head. With the Radiant Woods, and everything you said back there... what you said about the house of penance... the way you reacted when you heard that... woman screaming..." She trails off and my still heart sinks.

    "I even know you helped kill the lord there," She continues after a moment, "and it''s just... look I''ll just say it. Did you have anything to do with everything else that was happening there?"

 Chapter 28 - Two Worlds

    I immediately surround us in a sound barrier and Autumn tenses up while glancing at the mana surrounding us. "Alright Autumn, we can have this conversation now. Honestly, I should have been expecting it, and I should have brought it up before we got here, probably back when we were around the fire with Sara. I''m sorry," I begin and she waves me off before I can finish.

    "I''m sorry, but, can you just answer the question?" She gives me an almost pleading look, and I hold back a grimace. She won''t let me talk to her about it first, here''s hoping she will after I answer. I briefly entertain just lying but... it''s just as big a risk as telling the truth. It''s not like I can just kill her, so I am either going to lay my cards out on the table or hide them. If I lie now I lose her trust forever when the truth comes out. I can live with that at a certain point but...

    If I lie and delay this confrontation but have no goodwill, I''ll have to bolt, and I''ll have to take my family with me. That is a lot of people to hide. It won''t be impossible to do what I need from that position, but it will be hard. If I tell her now, I still might have to run, but I have a chance of keeping her on my side. That may be an excuse because, well, I want some fucking friends. People I can really rely on with things that matter, and I want Autumn to be one of them. She is a kind person and, if I can make her understand, she will want change too. Maybe not in the same way but she will want it.

    "Yes," I reply quietly, fixing my eyes on hers. "Will you let me tell you why, and how?" She stares back at me while emotions war across her face. The tension in the air is palpable and the silence stretches... and stretches. I awkwardly look around and jump a little as I realize there is a stuffed animal less than a foot from my head a little behind me and to the left. The stuffed cow stares at me with simple black eyes and my cheeks turn a little pink. I recover quickly and am actually glad I was startled as Autumn suppresses a giggle.

    "That''s Wilburt, don''t mind him," she apologizes before her face softens toward me a little. It was a small moment of levity, but it just might carry my entire future on its back. She polices her face and the tension returns, but it''s more flexible. "Alright, Lillith. Say what you need to say, I''ll listen," she finally agrees and I breathe a sigh of relief.

    "Thank you, Autumn. I know it might seem weird, and it might not make sense, but I want to start with a question. You said things were getting bad in Satusmor before we left. Can you tell me what you mean by that?" I ask and she furrows her brow.

    "What do you mean, you were there the whole time, you know what was happening! What kind of question is that?" she exclaims and a little of the tension returns.

    "I know, please, try and answer what I am asking, what I''m really asking. ''Getting bad'' implies that things were going from a better state to a worse one. Can you articulate how that is the case?" I ask, then hold a hand up to stop another irritated outburst, "I know, it seems obvious. Please just play along for a minute!"

    She examines me with blatant irritation before deciding to trust me. Certain experiences can earn you this kind of trust from the right people. "Alright, fine. Parts of the city practically turned into war zones. The government nearly came to a halt. When we did get a new lord, he had to execute a huge number of the city guards! A few people even got attacked near my estate!" she explains, punctuating each point and I nod along.

    "Parts of the city were war zones, and a few people got attacked near your estate. There is an interesting contrast there," I respond, "Did you ever see one of these war zones?"

    "What? No, of course not; why would I go anywhere near somewhere like that? Are you saying they weren''t there? Lillith, I''m not an idiot, they were more than some rumor!" She protests and I shake my head.

    "No. They were real. It definitely happened," I concede, "What I want you to think about is why you never saw them. Because they didn''t happen anywhere near you. Because, at least while we were there, no one was targeting you, or anyone like you."

    "What does it matter if I was the one targeted? People were hurt Lillith!" she protests.

    "Do you know how it all started? Do you know what I actually did? What turned the streets of Satusmor into war zones?"

    "What? You are saying you weren''t just involved, you started the whole damn thing??"

    "Yes! By drawing a fucking magic circle for commoners! For the people who are left to rot until they are sacrificed to the Radiant Woods! For the children who are only alive because they learned to steal, and scrape, and find just the right shelter during winter storms. The ones who hadn''t already starved to death! The kids whose frozen bodies hadn''t been burned so fucking nobles wouldn''t have to deal with the rats and the stink and the stains of their failure! It all started because I gave a bunch of people something you probably got as a goddamn birthday present!"

    "Look, I get it! I have had a comfortable life! I didn''t have to fight to survive! I accepted that the world wasn''t what I thought it was when you dragged me out of those woods with a woman I thought was a monster. But that doesn''t mean you can just... indiscriminately distribute weapons to children! Some of those people were dangerous, you know they were! And you gave them their weapons!"

    "Weapons? That''s what you think I gave them? Fucking weapons? You might understand that people have had harder lives than you, Autumn, but you still have no idea what you are talking about. Weapons. What I gave them was a fucking chance! Mana may look like a weapon to you, but that''s because you''ll never need it for anything else. Yeah, you''ll use it for other things. Otherwise, they wouldn''t have let you have it at all. But you''ll never need it."

    "So what, you created an army of child soldiers to fight back? Like that is a better fate for them? You can say it has other uses, but it''s still a weapon, Lillith!"

    "That''s easy to say. You''ve never wondered if you would live to see the next day because you couldn''t feel your fingers and there was no heat nor families willing to share theirs. You''ve never found a friendly and familiar face wounded and bloodied because there was nowhere for them to hide from the hail. You''ve never gorged yourself on dirty water to trick your stomach into feeling full. You have had the tools to protect people from that your entire life! But no. What if they use it as a fucking weapon?"

    At my final words, there is a pause, and Autumn looks conflicted, but she digs her heels in. "But they did, though, use it as a weapon, didn''t they?" She asks, fixing a glare on me.

    I sigh, "What do you think the first mana to be aspected was? What do you think was changed the most, when commoners got mana?" I ask.

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    Autumn clicks her tongue, "I''m getting tired of this game Lillith, just say what you want to say!" she retorts.

    "Fine. It was earth. Light. Water and plant life. The first thing that changed, was farmers were able to produce more food. They were able to supply poorer districts and pay the city''s taxes. The starving didn''t have to search so hard to eat. People found places to sleep or made their own. Kids had warmth on cold nights."

    "Right. And that devolved into street brawls and executions because what, kids were too well fed?"

    "Yes! Because desperate children got a taste of something better and believed the promise that with magic, it would be given to them. Because the city guard believed it too, and wanted to take it from them. Because, despite your concerns, it is really hard to turn mana into a weapon when you have been denied an education and a chance to practice. Because they had a chance to be on equal footing with the nobility, and that was dangerous."

    "What are you talking about? Children with mana do become nobles! You are an example yourself! Why would that be dangerous?" she challenges and I decide to approach this from an angle she will understand.

    "The same reason you aren''t allowed your own name. The same reason you aren''t even allowed to fully use your brother''s, Autumn of Forrester. The same reason you will never be the head of a noble house, have full authority over your own money, or be allowed to actually own anything. The same reason you will be required to have a guardian for the rest of your life."

    "Look, I''m as frustrated about that as you are but that''s just the way things are, what does it have to do with what you did?"

    "Because if you were in charge of yourself, if the law applied equally to you and you had the same education and magic as the men in your family, you could say no. Think of when a man four times your age pays too much attention to the top of your dress as you bend over and you feel his eyes crawling over your skin like leeches. If you were truly on equal footing as him, you could tell him exactly where to shove it. No one could tell you it was an overreaction. No one could call you emotional and bitter and feel safe dragging you through the mud while they apologized to the ''noble and upstanding gentleman'' for your behavior."

    I see this, at least, is hitting home and I press the advantage. "If your life, your finances, and your ability to survive and live your life aren''t dependent on someone else. They lose so much power. How many women have you seen in unhappy marriages? How many never would have married the man they did if they had full authority over it? How many would leave their husbands if they had somewhere else to go? If they wouldn''t be rejected and ridiculed and spit on by everyone they knew for it? If they don''t own you, you can say no. You can marry a man who cares about you, or a woman. Or not get married at all. They would have to actually be decent people to get laid, and they are terrified of that."

    I watch understanding dawn on Autumn''s face. This is clearly something she has considered, or been frustrated by before, and the context of the conversation connects some dots. She does look a bit shocked and scandalized when I suggest marrying a woman but she doesn''t address it. "So you are saying, commoners are the same, right? If we don''t withhold magic from them, we don''t have the power to control them."

    "Not just magic," I respond, "Housing. Food. Shelter. Fucking soap! They have to do back-breaking labor for all of it, and all we have to do is roll out of bed. Then we fucking charge them for the privilege, and spend half the money they work for on our own comforts!"

    "Alright, I''ll give you that, but honestly? That work needs to be done! Someone has to do the farming and the cleaning, Lillith."

    "Yeah, but people don''t need a sword to their throats to do it! I don''t know if you noticed, but sex serves a vital purpose too. Women still don''t need to be socially blackmailed into doing it with men they despise! People can take care of each other without a boot on their throats! And I don''t know, maybe more people will clean their own shit if there is no one to threaten into it."

    "That''s not really the same thing. I understand what you are saying, but you are being na?ve, Lillith. Maybe you are right, and the violence in Satusmor was because of vindictive nobles and greedy guards. I don''t know. But I''m not an idiot. However hard it is to use mana as a weapon, some people figured it out. And you aren''t giving anyone an ''equal footing'' without getting violent. Without putting more people in danger."

    "You''re right. Some people did. They didn''t live long, because they didn''t understand the gap between them and the nobles they attacked. And a couple of them even lashed out at innocent people with misdirected rage. I killed one of them with my own hands. But yes, things are going to get violent. If it weren''t for the temple, they would have grown violent sooner. Because things won''t change without it, not here. Not in this country, and not in this world. But when you use the backs of men to elevate yourself, violence is their right."

    "And what about me? What about my parents? What happens when things get worse? Will they be safe or are all nobles on the chopping block? They are good people, Lillith! They are kind to their staff and they don''t even use slaves! They are even charitable, and they might die because of what you did! Because of your recklessness and naivety, they could get hurt! If anything this conversation only scares me more!"

    "You are a good person, Autumn. I do believe that. I believe you care and want to help the same people I do. But there isn''t another way to do it. And I''m sorry, I really am, but your parents know what commoner lives are like, and they are still rich. They can still afford a staff to be kind to, and they still receive tax money earned from the labor of slaves. And you have spent your entire life benefitting from the same things."

    "So what, you are saying you will trade our safety for commoners? I do want to help them, but there has to be another way!"

    "No. We have been trading lives for comfort for thousands of years. I am ending the fucking trade! The current state of affairs is already you trading human beings, their lives, and their autonomy, for your own benefit. For our, benefit. And you are terrified of losing the security that trade has always bought you. It''s not really your fault. You''re fourteen. You''ve never known anything else. But whenever I say a world where we don''t hold people''s lives, bodies, food, and minds hostage is possible... Whenever I say we don''t need a sword at anyone''s throat to survive, two types of people tell me how na?ve I am. Tyrants who are comfortable holding the sword, and cowards who are too afraid to fight it. So you need to ask yourself which one you are."

    Autumn looks at me like I slapped her. For all intents and purposes, I did. What I said was harsh, especially for someone her age. But this isn''t something I can tread lightly with. I am helping people fight back, whether she agrees with me or not. She needs to understand the gravity of what is happening, beyond individual families. "So what, because my family is rich, it''s ok if they die in pursuit of your goals?" she asks, tears forming in her eyes.

    "No. Because your parents are rich, they have the ability to contribute more to either maintaining this filthy society or fighting it. What I''m saying, is I hope you will fight it," I answer

    "Then they will just be in danger of being killed by the other nobles! Even if they do nothing, they are in danger, and I have to worry for them every night! There is no option where they are safe!" she sobs at me.

    "I''m sorry," I respond, "but that''s exactly the point. That''s the world everyone else already lives in. It''s the world they always would have lived in, even if I had never done anything. That fear you have now is one that most people fight their entire lives. It''s a fear the most dangerous and disgusting people in this world feed off of. And I am going to do something about it."

    At some point, she had started pacing, and at this she slumps back into her chair and folds her arms on her desk, crying into them. "Just... go," she orders and I nod, slowly standing and walking to the door. I pause and look back.

    "For what it''s worth, I don''t want to hurt you, or your family. I hope you, and they, will help me fight the people who do," I say, but she doesn''t respond and I leave the room. That could have gone better. I had so much more I wanted to say, and so many things I could have said better, and I''ll have to be prepared to run, just in case. But it could have gone worse as well. I''ll give her some time alone.

    As I head down the stairs something occurs to me and I swear to myself. I still don''t know how to read the fucking math notation.

 Chapter 29 - Regrets

    "Had to steal something decent to wear? Resorted to creeping through your housemate''s rooms, have you?" Iris sneers as I descend the stairs from the direction of Autumn''s room. She is in the sitting area adjusting her makeup and waiting to be insufferable, apparently. I am never really in the mood for this shit, but right now? I could smack that smarmy look right off her face.

    "I wouldn''t worry Iris, as long as I am searching for something presentable, your room will remain safe," I retort and she snorts at me.

    "I don''t think you would really fill out one of my dresses, sweetheart," she quips as I cross the room.

    "I guess that makes two of us, Iris, now if you''ll excuse me I have a class to get to," I respond tiredly. I honestly feel like shit after my meeting with Autumn and I need to get out of here before I pull someone''s hair out.

    She gets a sour look on her face before brushing it off and returning to applying blush to her cheeks. "I suppose that poor Forrester girl was your best bet. The Collector knows the Renatus girl can''t dress herself. Although Autumn has nicer dresses than that, if you are going to steal, you might as well take something less... embarrassing," she taunts just before I leave the room. I whirl on her and slam a fist to the side into the wall.

    "Here''s an idea, how about you shut your fucking mouth while opening it is still an option?" I ask through clenched teeth. She insulted a few too many people I care about and I am not in the mood. Instead of responding, she stares at me with wide eyes. I pull my hand from the now slightly displaced and cracked bricks and storm out before she can say anything.

    Well, that was stupid, but at least it shut her up. I carry an emotional cloud with me to my next class. I sit down in the back, choosing a seat near the door. No one tries to talk to me before class starts this time, my mood clear enough to deflect any unwelcome friendliness. I can''t stop picturing Autumn, crying with her head resting on her arms as I left. I really fucked this one up. I feel like I started off well but... She is a child. She is an innocent and kind girl who is worried about her parents.

    Just because I am right doesn''t mean I was right to treat her that way. I got carried away and who knows what state I left her in. There were better ways to communicate what I needed to without scaring the shit out of a naive girl. I groan inwardly, my elevated tension from discussing the state of this world synergizing with my guilt over scolding a child into tears and leaving me completely unfocused.

    The professor for my mana aspecting class enters and half of my brain does a double take. She is tall with curly brunette hair and looks about thirty or so. She is, well, hot. Ugh, my defenses are completely down right now. This is not something I can let distract me. I need to focus.

    "Good afternoon, class. I am Lady Kyra of Hayward, This year, we will be examining the process of aspecting, de-aspecting, and altering mana," she begins and I start to tune her out a little. The first day of classes is pretty much the same regardless of class, and this seems to hold true across realities. It''s important information but it will be listed in the syllabus. As I watch the professor my mind drifts back to Autumn.

    I need to talk to her again. I need to apologize, while still explaining why commoners deserve access to mana. I didn''t even talk about the mind control almost all of them are under, the main reason things turned out the way they did. More importantly, I left her afraid. I trusted her because I wanted a friend and I left her sobbing and picturing her parents dead. I need to go back as soon as the fucking class is over.

    I try to adjust my focus to Professor Kyra and succeed, in a way. I watch a brown curl bounce in front of her tan eyes. I wonder how she got her medieval eyeliner so perfect as I hyperfocus on her red lips as she lectures. As my eyes drift to her pronounced collar bone, then to the curve of her... goddamnit Annie, er... Lillith. Whoever you are, this is not the fucking time for this! I am seriously off my game. Yes, I need to stop thinking about Autumn until I can do something to fix my mistake. If I have to distract myself, why can''t it be with the content of the lecture and not the figure of the woman giving it?

    Usually, I don''t allow my mind to wander like this. Yes, I notice attractive women but I don''t typically focus on it more than what they are saying. With the way I punched the wall earlier and now this? I am losing too much of my carefully cultivated control. I am more shaken than I thought. I really let myself get carried away with Autumn. I have been holding everything in with an ever more strained thread and today it snapped. I let go and let it all fall out and crush Autumn under its weight.

    Now I am cracking brick at slight provocation and drooling over my professor. Fucking great. Just as I am resolving to just leave class early and go apologize to Autumn, my internal lecturing is cut short by another girl''s voice. "Hey, gorilla girl, I think she is asking you a question!" they say and I jump, looking around. Sure enough, the girl who spoke is staring directly at me.

    Gorilla girl? I look down at my partially exposed arms and raise an eyebrow. Yeah, I am toned, muscular even, but come on. I''m hardly a bodybuilder. I suppose the line for ''too buff'' is much lower in this world, at least for women. Although, no one else has said anything like that so maybe it''s just this girl''s problem.

    "Hello? Young lady, are you with us?" Kyra asks and I look back at her sharply, "There you are. A little early in the year for the vacant look, isn''t it? You can daydream on your own time. Do not waste mine in the future." My cheeks flush a little as I am reminded of the daydream in question but just nod.

    "Sorry about that, just having a rough day," I apologize. I could probably come up with a sharper retort than that but the least you can do after checking someone out is be polite to them. She gives me a curt nod.

    "Now that you are with us, why don''t you help me illustrate my point? Would you care to share what aspects, if any, you have access to?" she asks and I pause. I''d rather not share that, but I suppose it is fairly normal to only have one at my age. People will see me using others, however, so I should share a couple of them.

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    "Sure," I answer, "Currently I have aspected light, sound, force, and heat."

    She nods and begins to speak, "Light and sound are common starter aspects. You will want to de-aspect them this year so..." she trails off before looking back up at me sharply, "I''m sorry, you have four aspects?" Based on her surprise I realize I have made some kind of mistake. Oh well, too late now.

    "Uh, yes?" I respond hesitantly and her face hardens.

    "There is no point in lying young lady. You will have to display every aspect you have access to during this class... Or did you mean those are the aspects you have managed, but not all the ones you currently have access to?" her tone shifts mid-sentence and I try to decide how to respond. I have read about de-aspecting but I never really saw the point. Essentially, aspecting mana is willing mana to take the form of something you are familiar with. It is imposing your will on mana and mentally defining its characteristics.

    De-aspecting, on the other hand, is scrubbing your mana of any trace of an aspect. You clear it from your body and intentionally release your mental image of it. Once you do this, you can no longer create mana of that aspect as needed. Always seemed like a waste of effort to me, but perhaps... "Uh, yes, sorry. I originally aspected light and sound, and now have force and heat," I answer and she nods.

    "That makes more sense. Having two aspects at your age is already quite impressive, perhaps someday you actually will have four. That is extremely rare, but it is not impossible," she answers before moving on with her lecture about mana. The lack of silly pride that can come along with praise from pretty girls is an excellent sign. I have found something new to focus on. There is some kind of limit on the number of aspects one person can use at a time.

    Clearly, this limit is not four, or even five, as she implied. It certainly explains the difficulty I have had recently. Counting my internal aspect, I have nine. Perhaps that is my limit at the moment? I spend the rest of the class half-listening and half-planning my next move. I can probably drop cold mana, all of its effects can be mimicked by manipulating heat mana. In fact, there is no reason not to treat them as the same thing. I might be able to combine others as well.

    Perhaps light and sound can be... I don''t know, wave mana? Although light is also a particle. There are a lot of things to consider. One day of class and I have already figured something important out. This is definitely going to be my favorite class, and not just because of the professor. I don''t come to any solid conclusion before Kyra dismisses us and I am brought back to reality. Oh right, Autumn.

    I don''t wait around in class long, and head directly back to my dorm. I knock on Autumn''s door but there is no answer. In fact, the door has been left slightly open and it swings open, revealing a dark and empty room. Shit. I quickly leave the room and begin searching the campus. I don''t know her class schedule, but I guess I can ask around. Most people don''t know her, but after a while I get lucky and come across August.

    "Lillith, I was just looking for you!" August greets with a huge grin on his face. He is speaking to a couple other noble boys I haven''t met yet, but I earned his full attention just by walking up.

    "Hey, August," I greet, suppressing the concern in my voice, "Have you seen Autumn anywhere?" His smile falters a little and I feel a bit bad. The poor kid obviously has a crush and I just brushed him off to ask about his sister. It''s a little tough to care at the moment, however.

    "Uh, no, sorry. Her classes are over for today so she could be anywhere. Have you checked your dorm?" he asks, and I shake my head.

    "No luck, I''ll go check..." I start when I spot the disappointment climbing onto his face, "Oh I''m sorry, you said you were looking for me, did you need something?"

    He beams at me before blushing. "Uh, well you see, there is this party, it''s being thrown by Prince Kallon, and I uh... I thought I might... escort you... to it?" he practically pleads and I go to give him a polite refusal when something occurs to me.

    "Will students be the only ones in attendance?" I ask, painting his face with confusion.

    "Uh, no, there will be quite a few prominent families there. No one would want to miss the prince''s party, right?" he responds and I bite my lip.

    "Okay, here''s the deal. I am very sorry August, especially if I have completely misread the situation. I am really not interested in courting anyone. I would be more comfortable just making friends," I answer and his face falls, embarrassment and dismay meeting in his eyes.

    "Sorry August, sounds like you aren''t man enough for her!" one of his friends laughs and I glare at him.

    "That''s decidedly not the problem. He does have a better chance than you ever will though," I retort before returning my attention to August. "I would love to hear more about this party, however. I''ll go with you as a friend if you like," I concede and his expression brightens. A room full of the most powerful people in the country? I can hardly say no to that. I don''t mind hanging out with August a bit either.

    August gives me more details about the party and we make plans together before I leave him to exchange friendly insults with his rude friends. That was helpful, but I still need to find Autumn.

    <hr>

    Godfrey

    I take a long pause to digest the story the girl in front of me just told. I have spoken to her before, when she confirmed Lillith''s... suspect story of their trip here. The new version of events simultaneously makes more and less sense. I get the feeling there are still things Miss Forrester is hiding from me. How they escaped the Radiant woods, what happened to the monster that chased them in, and several other details.

    I suppose it doesn''t matter much, however. What matters is her story of Satusmor. I haven''t been keeping a close eye on events there, but I suppose I should start checking reports from the communication relay here. It''s rare for serious issues to arise but it shouldn''t surprise me that Lillith managed to cause one. If anything, it would have made less sense if she didn''t. A full rebellion, however? Few people have ever tried that. Now we have two at once? Something is strange about that, but this... this is good.

    I can use this. I initially thought Lillith would be an excellent asset to the country, with her unique ideas and magic circle. Overpowering a mage like Baldwin at her age speaks to more than genius. Having her in my corner could have changed things but this is even better. If I play my cards right, I can change things completely. Lillith isn''t wrong that this country needs change, even if she isn''t right about how to do it. I knew that even before Baldwin and his little friends managed to... enslave and humiliate me as they did.

    It is going to be delicate but with this ''true king'' nonsense combined with Lillith spreading magic to commoners... I can leverage both to make actual, practical changes. This country needs an actual leader. It doesn''t sound like Lillith will ever really understand as I hoped, but she is still young and na?ve. In the meantime, I need to keep a much closer eye on her.

    I look back at the red, tired, puffy eyes of Autumn of Forrester. "It''s alright, Autumn. I will keep your parents, and everyone else safe, I promise," I console her and she nods weakly.

    "T-thank you," she practically whispers. She hasn''t touched the tea or danish I had brought for her. The poor child is clearly feeling guilty, but there is nothing to be done about it. She did the right thing. "Don''t... don''t hurt her," she pleads, "she is a good person I just... I just..." she starts to sniffle again and I nod.

    "It''s alright, Autumn. I won''t hurt her," I promise. And I won''t. I need her to keep doing exactly what she is doing.

 Chapter 30 - Violent Investigations

    Lillith

    "Another one tried to escape today, huh?" a weasely little guard asks as he and his partner arrive to relieve the day shift.

    "I dunno if ''tried'' is the right word, not with that pathetic performance!" a scrawny guard chortles in response.

    "You couldn''ta cleaned up the mess, how longs he been layin'' there for? He stinks!" a stocky man, one of the relieving guards, complains and the two on-duty guards roll their eyes.

    "You know the captain hates it when we clean ''em up durin'' the day! It upsets some of the customers. Besides, he wanted to leave him as an example for a bit. After the beating the captain gave him, I doubt we''ll have another runner for a while," the scrawny man laughs while the new guards grumble. The stocky one walks through the gate they are guarding. He enters the yard on the other side and approaches a crumpled, bloodied man in the center.

    Before he can take more than a few steps toward the body, an invisible force collapses around him from all sides. In an instant, he is reduced to the steaming meat whose value he never surpassed in life. His blood compresses to a small box before the force is released and his remains paint the other guards. Horror and shock barely have a second to grip their faces before something impacts the weaselly guard''s side, then head, and he collapses on the ground, small wounds on his left being mirrored by gaping holes on his right.

    The scrawny man tries to scream for help while the remaining guard begins to run. No sound escapes, nor does the fleeing man. Instead, their heads are forced against each other with enough force to crack both open and kill them instantly. I walk through the carnage I created in under ten seconds and approach the body in the courtyard. I have arrived at one of the ''dungeons'' in the city and I can already feel my mana swelling.

    I chose this location because, while it isn''t the largest, it is the last point slaves pass through before they are handed off to noble families. This is where prisoners are transferred after they have been requisitioned, and where they live until their new masters pick them up. The guard captain in charge of this facility will have the answers I am looking for. I kneel down to the man in the dirt and my heart sinks. One of his eyes is swollen shut, but the other is open. There is no life behind it.

    The blood oozing from him and pooling around his body is congealed and sticky. He has been dead for hours, left to rot in the sun until the guards can be bothered to drag him to the pit they use for cremations. My teeth grit behind my mask of darkness, a wall at the front of my hood that allows light in but not out. Based on the wounds and what those guards were saying, the captain beat this man to death for trying to escape. I slowly rise to my feet and approach the nearest of the two buildings.

    The captain will have an office in the main building, but he isn''t my only target. No one who works here is walking away tonight. They want this place to be inescapable? I can do that. I surround the entire facility with a force and sound barrier. It takes immense power to maintain it, but the grief surrounding me seizes my heart and floods my veins with hyper-dense mana. It''s almost too easy, which only serves to stoke my cold fury.

    In this moment I forget all about my worries with Autumn. I had never found her, and I had never apologized. I never got the chance to explain, in a way she would understand, why it was so important to share mana, and other resources, with the common people. I started to, but I got carried by the moment and forgot I was talking to a child. She would have understood that I am not just... attacking innocent people but fighting back. But none of that matters at this moment. Tonight, in this dirty backyard, there is only me, the cold body of a desperate slave, and the people who left him there.

    I make no effort to hide myself, physically kicking the door of the building off its hinges and walking into what looks like a small barracks. Five soldiers in various states of undress gape at me from different positions around the room. There is a brief moment of quiet as I scan the room for weapons and hiding spots while the men try to process what is happening. The two closest guards react first, jumping into action and reaching for their spears. Their spears reach them first. The first man falls to the ground with a spear in his throat, and the second crumples over as he is impaled by his own weapon.

    I don''t wait for the three remaining guards to come to their senses. One man is beginning to rise from the lower bunk of two beds when I collapse the structure, crushing him. Another is skewered on a stone spike from the ground, while I twist the final man''s head around, breaking his neck. After my last experiment, I have decided it will be far better to make it clear a mage is responsible. I continue to move through the barracks and several other guards are given the brief chance to choose between fighting or fleeing before ultimately meeting the same fate.

    Some part of me recoils at how easy this has become. I have always been willing to kill when necessary, but it has always been accompanied by a struggle. I don''t want to think about when I became capable of massacring men with barely a thought, but the thought is drowned by the image of a beaten and bloodied corpse, still fresh in my memory. I steel myself and continue my gruesome march. It''s not long before the crunching and cries of the men are traveling faster than I am, and the remaining guards attempt to flee before I ever make it to them. It won''t save them any more than it saved the man they left to rot in the dirt.

    As I exit the building to pursue the last of the slave catchers, my force shield deflects the first counter-attack. Heavy wood javelins splinter and bounce away from my left side. I turn in the attack''s direction and see a finely dressed couple glaring at me, the man still extending one arm. Powerful mana radiates off both of them and I clench my fists. I wasn''t expecting anyone but staff at this hour, and I haven''t fought many other mages. I don''t think I have much to worry about with the current state of my mana, but I have no idea if they have their own endoaspects.

    The man forms and propels another javelin and I examine it. I have never seen mana of this brownish color, but it''s fair to assume it is wood mana or something similar. The mana travels with the weapon, revealing he is propelling his weapons by manipulating them the entire way. This is less efficient than my own projectiles, which I propel with great force from the point of origin like a bullet. He won''t be able to keep it up for long or fire as frequently. I begin to take a step in their direction when vines radiating with olive mana erupt from the ground and attempt to bind my feet.

    They struggle against my force mana and I see the woman grimacing with focus. I take a step forward anyway, pulling the vines from the ground with mana and physical force. The woman stumbles as control of her vines is wrestled away from her and I get closer. If this is what they are capable of, they won''t be an issue. I can''t say for sure why they were here, however, so I have to speak with them.

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    "What are you doing here?" I interrogate with a mana-amplified and disguised voice. The couple look a little taken aback and give each other a look.

    "I should be asking you the same question!" The indignant man retorts, firing off a few more attacks which impotently bounce off my shield.

    "We are stopping a murderer and rebel, we are serving our king!" the woman adds and I rub my neck with frustration. Instead of asking again, I envelop them in pure mana, crushing their own auras before I use force to bind their arms to their sides.

    Their eyes bulge and the man shouts, "Who are you? Why can''t I see your mana? What do you want?"

    Instead of answering I walk closer. I am not nearly as powerful as I had been in the Radiant Woods. I am stronger than I am on campus, but if I am able to overpower two mages so completely, they must be fairly low-ranking. I''ve met many other students on campus who would give me more trouble than this. "I asked a question first, and I don''t want to ask again. What are you doing here?" I demand.

    I watch the calculations behind the couple''s eyes as they decide whether they should answer me. I encourage them by increasing the pressure of the force holding them in place, and the man decides whoever I am, it is probably someone more important than him.

    "I- I''m sorry my... lady," he says glancing down at my feminine figure to verify the title he should use, "W-we are just here for a new maid! We lost one and just needed to fill out our staff!" Unfortunately for him, that''s the wrong answer. I do need a little more information, however, so I clench my teeth and respond.

    "Lost one?" I ask, already knowing the answer to the implied question. "So why are you here at this hour? And why yourself? Why not just requisition a replacement?"

    "We have requisitioned too many..." the woman begrudgingly admits under her breath. "We aren''t an important house, and we''ve... lost several servants recently. We are here to bribe the captain for a few extra-" she begins but I''ve heard enough. A twist of force and both bodies fall to the ground, lifeless. I want to puke just listening to them. I don''t even want to think about why their other slaves are lost so frequently, but whatever it is, these two will never be responsible for it again.

    I turn around and spot the remaining guards. One man appears to have broken his arm attempting to force his way through the force barrier. The other two have teamed up to dig their way under it. With almost no effort, I fire stones into each of their skulls, then turn back to the main building. Walking through it boils my blood.

    Since I entered through the back of the building, I start in the slave quarters. I am in a large room lined with cells, each with an abused slave inside. There are men, women, and children, crammed in each. Collectively there must be thirty or forty of them spread through about fifteen cells. All of them are naked, bruised, and dirty, with the exception of a woman who is chained to a post in the middle. She has been clothed and bathed, and I realize she is likely the maid the dead couple came here for. Can''t present merchandise in the state the rest of them are in after all.

    None of them react to me, and when I look at any of them, they look away like they fear reprisal from eye contact. Where is this fucking captain? I leave them where they are, for now, continuing to search the building. I encounter a few more guards whom I dispatch with little effort and eventually find what I am looking for. I slowly enter the captain''s office and circle the desk, where I find the man curled up with his hand over his mouth, hiding while his men fight. Yeah, that checks out.

    I reach down, pull him to his feet, and throw him into his chair. "Pull yourself together," I order, not bothering to disguise my voice. This man won''t live to testify about it anyway. "I have a few questions for you."

    "P-please, you can take whatever you want! J-just let me live!" he pleads and I smack him upside the head.

    "Focus. I just told you what I want. Answer my questions, can you do that?" I say, voice packed with impatience.

    "A-and then you''ll let me live?" he snivels and I roll my eyes.

    "Tell you what. Answer my questions, and I will give you a chance. That''s the best I can offer you."

    "W-what chance?" he whimpers.

    "There is a man in your yard. I hear you are the one who beat him to death, is that right?" I ask and confusion tints his fearful face.

    "Y-yes. He tried to escape! He was just a slave, a criminal! I didn''t do anything wrong!" he insists and I suppress the urge to kill him here and now.

    "A slave. A criminal. You and your friends patrol the streets of this city. You pull the poor from the homes they can''t pay for. You outlaw any method they find to survive, and you drag them here for stealing bread or trespassing in a stable on a cold night. Meanwhile, you leave the rapists and murderers alone. I mean, arresting them would take actual effort right? You don''t even investigate the nobles. You make them choose between ''crime'' and a slow, lonely death. Then use the choice to live as justification for stripping them, beating them, and enslaving them," I practically growl and it''s clear on the captain''s face he has realized his mistake.

    I don''t give him a chance to change course before I continue. "You know the difference between you and a criminal?" I ask, "A criminal is willing to take a risk. Some of them are evil people. Some of them just want to survive. But all of them are willing to put their necks on the line. You do just as much damage as the worst of them. More, actually, but only because you licked the right boot and let its owner pat you on the head. You are willing to hurt, and abuse, and destroy... so long as you are safe. And what happened the first time you were actually in danger? You curled up and hid. So you want to know what makes you different from the worst criminal you ever enslaved? The absolutely most despicable person you ever sold for a profit? They had a fucking spine."

    He stares at me, eyes practically bulging out of his head. I continue once I see he is too afraid to respond to me. "So here is the deal. You beat that man to death, and your guards laughed about it. So if you answer my questions, here is what I will do. I will hit you. Ten times. I won''t use any spells, just my fists. If you live through them all, you can walk out of here. If you don''t... well I guess you will see what I mean about how you compare to criminals."

    I see him, still scared, glancing at my arms and legs. I am short, I have a woman''s voice and body, and I see him decide he can live through ten hits. "A-alright. I can answer your questions," he agrees and I lean forward.

    "Right answer," I whisper, and move on to my interrogation. He doesn''t know as much as I''d like, but I do end up with two logs. A record of the slaves that have been requisitioned over the last couple of decades, and a personal record of his under-the-table deals. This will help me find Sarafyna''s dad, and it provides a fairly comprehensive list of future targets.

    "Alright," I say when I am done. "Stand up. Now is your chance to walk out of here, if you really are of superior stock to the people you sell." He does as I say and I see hope in his eyes as I crack my knuckles. He opens his mouth to say something, but I swing before he gets the chance. My fist connects with his rib-cage and he flies into the wall behind him before collapsing on the ground.

    I slowly approach him as he struggles to stand, before collapsing and coughing blood onto the floor. His eyes roll over to me and he starts trying to crawl away. I''m actually impressed, I thought the first hit would have killed him. "That was a warm-up, but I''ll count it. Nine more, Captain," I say before picking him up by the back of his shirt and pushing him against the wall. "Prove you have a spine. Don''t try to run early."

    I let him go as he leans against the wall. He coughs again and blood drips out of his lips. He grips the wall and tries to pull himself away from me, but I swing again, this time connecting with his head and crushing it against the wall. He falls again, this time dead. I wipe my fist on his shirt and collect the logs, contained in several sizeable journals. It''s going to take a while, but I am one step closer to Sarafyna''s father.

    I don''t linger long, storing the journals in a bag, then returning to the slave quarters. I have a long night ahead of me, and Sarafyna isn''t the only person I need to help tonight.

 Chapter 31 - Rumors

    I rub my temples as I walk to meet Leo for breakfast. It''s been two weeks since I last spoke to Autumn, and she has been avoiding me. At first, she just gave me a worrying wide-eyed look, but now she just looks down and chooses a seat across the class from me.

    Her sweet, oblivious brother has noticed her acting weird but has managed to miss its connection to me. He excitedly chats with me about the prince''s upcoming party whenever we meet as if his sister isn''t clearly upset with me about something. I''ve tried to apologize to her, but have consistently failed. She is drawing a boundary, and I have to respect that for now.

    I have a way out for my family. For myself as well, if I need it, so I just need to wait and hope everything doesn''t blow up. Two weeks without knights arresting me at the gates is a good sign, and I think it may be alright. I just need to worry that my friend won''t talk to me.

    Of course, it''s not the only thing I have to worry about. I''m certain the knights are looking for me now. My first kill wasn''t investigated because there is something I don''t understand going on between whoever this rebel group is and the city guard. Now that they are finding nobles dead, however, the stakes have become real to them.

    News travels slowly in this city, and more slowly in this country. Even more slowly than on medieval Earth, which is confusing given the existence of magic. But it does travel. I have had to exercise more caution than before, taking winding routes to and from campus.

    Visiting the houses of penance in this city hasn''t been easy either. Considering how slowly information travels, priests seem to be far more aware and up-to-date than even the royal knights. Rather than the forgotten and ignored dumping ground they once were, they are now guarded at all times.

    Priests are far more dangerous to me than a regular mage. I can break free from divine magic, but it grows harder the more priests I am fighting. That and, to be perfectly honest, a battle for control over my own body is far more terrifying than a fight for my life. Just remaining calm and collected is a challenge when fighting priests.

    I am making progress, however slowly, but the houses are no longer safe places to share magic. I have so many things to plan for and be careful of... so many people to protect and usher to safety. Thank Christ for Sarafyna, or I would have collapsed from stress weeks ago. I have actually gotten to see her and Peter regularly recently, and it''s quickly becoming one of the highlights of my nights.

    Much like meeting Leo in the mornings is becoming a highlight of my days. I don''t unload any of this on him. He has an entirely different kind of battle to fight, and this isn''t one he would be good at. But we provide each other a safe place to just... relax.

    Sarafyna offers me complete trust and safety, a shoulder to lean on in my darkest moments, and the support I desperately need. Leo, on the other hand, offers me quiet and laughter. A single meal each day where none of it matters and I can just... eat with my friend.

    I arrive at our favorite restaurant, a secluded little diner built to target students of lower standing and walk in to see Leo already waiting for me. A smile paints both of our faces as I join him at a two-person table in the corner.

    "Good morning Lily!" He happily greets. "How have you been doing with the notation?" He has been teaching me in Autumn''s stead, and doing a decent job of it. His mentor apparently ensured he got appropriate tutors ahead of classes, in stark contrast to some other commoner''s sponsors.

    I hold up a hand and wobble it back and forth to indicate I am back and forth on it. "I''ve gotten the hang of the basics, but I''m a little fuzzy on a couple bits. Like how you indicate one portion should be evaluated first," I answer. The basic operations were easy to learn. They just have different symbols I had to memorize.

    The system seems pretty similar to postfix back on Earth. The operands are listed first, followed by the operators. Interestingly, operations are separated by a space, and all operators are stacked at the end. Numbers with multiple digits are also vertically stacked, with the first digit on the bottom.

    It''s a bit annoying to read, but not terribly confusing. Nevertheless, complex algebra needs more tools than I have learned, and it''s frustrating not to understand them. Leo laughs at me.

    "Your class doesn''t need any of that yet, you know everything you need to! Why are you in such a rush to get ahead?" He says before taking a far too generous bite of pancake.

    "You don''t understand. I have to know how it works. I just have to," I explain poorly, then take a slightly larger bite myself. He looks me in the eyes and accepts the silent challenge. After a few moments of chewing he answers me.

    "You are right, I don''t understand. You are stressing out about concepts years ahead of you! You gotta relax Lily," he insists, his next bite exceeding mine.

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    "Because," I say, my face somber and my tone serious, "I can''t know that it exists and not know how to do it." I then stare him directly in the eyes as he chews, skewer a full pancake with my fork, and try to stuff the entire thing in my mouth. As I struggle to chew and refuse to break eye contact, he bursts into laughter and spits out his bite, at which point I lose my straight face and join him, trying not to choke.

    We get quite a few stares from the other low-standing noble kids at nearby tables, but we always do. We laugh and joke for the rest of breakfast, and all too soon I have to say goodbye and head to my math class.

    Lately, my life has felt like the different panes of a stained glass window. A moment of joy followed by a moment of sorrow followed by a moment of intense violence and rage. Each moment driven by a Lillith in a different state of mind and clearly divided. As I walk into class and watch Autumn hurriedly shuffle to the other end of the room, I feel the glass of my happy morning shatter as my world is engulfed in melancholy.

    This is reality. The world I belong in. The carefree moments of kindness do me a lot of good, and they are what Leo needs, but... these reminders of the gravity of my choices are important too. I just wish they didn''t have to pull my heart from my chest each time.

    I shamble to the back of the class to take a seat, deftly dodging an attempt from Hugh to shoulder-check me. I don''t really know what he hopes to gain from these attempts to harass me, but not letting him test his strength against mine is a kindness I extend to him for my own sake.

    "Just focus on learning how to add, Hugh," I call after him as we pass each other, "enough math, and maybe you can put two and two together about your luck with women."

    "I''m the one who can read the question, maybe you should be the one focusing!" He retorts and I roll my eyes. I haven''t been asked to publicly solve a problem again and the myth of my incompetence persists. It doesn''t really matter much in the grand scheme of things, so I leave it as is. Some part of me does want to show off and make him feel like an idiot but... that would be a bit childish.

    I just take my seat and sigh as August walks in, glancing between me and his sister. He is clearly deliberating about which girl to sit next to, so I just point at Autumn to indicate the clear choice. He looks a little hurt but I don''t feel too bad. She needs his support more than I need his goofy crush.

    He hasn''t pushed at all since I told him I wasn''t interested, which is a huge relief, but he can''t hide the hope in his eyes. He doesn''t let it keep him down and happily joins his twin near the front. Shortly after he settles in and fails to cheer his sister up, Professor Clarrise enters the room and calls for silence. She quickly receives it, but instead of beginning her lecture, she scans the rows of students until her eyes settle on a cocky but not particularly important boy in the middle.

    "Randull," she calls to him and he startles, finally giving her his full attention. "The headmistress has asked to see you. You will be excused from class for the day."

    "Um... why?" he asks, eliciting a raised eyebrow, but curiously no reprimand from Clarrise.

    "It''s regarding a personal matter I don''t believe you would like me to announce in front of the class. You are excused young man," she replies, finality evident in her voice. Randull awkwardly collects his books and makes his way to the front entrance of the classroom. As he leaves, I spot two knights waiting to escort him to the headmistress, and I''m not the only one.

    "Is he getting arrested? What did he do?" a boy seated in front of me whispers to the girl next to him. She subtly shakes her head before whispering back.

    "No, I don''t think so, the same thing happened to a girl in one of my other classes last week, didn''t you hear anything about that?" she asks.

    "No," the boy shakes his head as he responds, "What about it?" The girl leans in conspiratorially before replying.

    "She hasn''t come back since. Later, I heard both her parents were murdered! And they weren''t the first, apparently another noble couple was killed along with a whole barracks of guards before that!" she confides and I begin paying far closer attention. I don''t hear many campus rumors as I do most of my eavesdropping at my chosen inn. Perhaps I should do more. Of course this would be one of the first places hearing about me. Children of every noble family in the city attend this school at one point or another.

    "Murdered? You can''t be serious, by who?" the boy exclaims a little too loudly and our professor shoots a death glare in our direction as she has started her lecture and is not amused by interruptions. The two act as innocent as they can for a few moments until her attention returns to teaching us painfully simple math, then the boy repeats his question more quietly.

    "No one knows!" she whispers, "Although my brother is a knight, and he says the killer is definitely an earth mage and..."

    "And??" the boy eggs on impatiently, "and at every scene, they have found bits of garlic sprinkled near the bodies. It''s the weirdest thing! Well, actually there is one thing more peculiar about it..." she teases and the boy nearly falls from his chair in frustration.

    "What? Garlic, why? What could be stranger than that?" he responds. She looks around as if she weren''t surrounded by listeners and happy to be overheard.

    "The slaves!" she answers, a scandalous expression on her face. "Apparently, all the slaves in every household, even dozens being kept by the guards, vanish from every scene! The knights have searched the city and not one of them can be found!"

    "All of them? Surely they just took the chance to hide in the nearest slums, right?" the boy responds and she shakes her head.

    "That''s the thing, apparently they never would have made it there, and even after searching not a single one turned up! It''s like they turned to smoke and vanished from the map! My brother says they were recruited by some rebel or terrorist group but if you ask me? The serial killer is a demon and the slaves are all some kind of sacrifice!" she practically giggles. While this girl is not exactly endearing herself to me, this is extremely useful information. If her brother is a knight involved in investigating, perhaps I should get to know her better.

    I decide to introduce myself at the end of class. A girl with direct information about the investigation into this ''serial killer'' and a clear desire to share it is more than I ever could have asked for.

 Chapter 32 - Confidants

    I look in the mirror appraisingly before leaving my dorm room. I look exactly like a thirty-year-old woman trapped in a teenager''s body. Which is, you know, fair. Nevertheless, it doesn''t look quite right to me. I am wearing at least three YouTube tutorials worth of make-up and maybe the most extravagant pink dress I have ever seen. The puffed sleeves would make Anne Shirley proud. I have some simple ruby jewelry on as well. It''s not quite as extravagant as it should be for a party thrown by the prince, but anything too distinct might be recognized by its original owner.

    The red does complement my eyes and the dress well, however, so I am hoping that makes up for it. I also used heat and force mana as a magical curling iron. I look a bit silly and very rich, two words that perfectly exemplify me. More seriously, I look exactly like I will be expected to look. Like a noble girl emulating older women. I give myself one last once-over, sigh, and exit my room.

    "I hear you are going to meet the prince with August," Autumn says as soon as I emerge. I freeze for a moment. She hasn''t spoken directly to me for a couple of weeks, and I actually get my hopes up at her gentle tone until I turn and see the concern on her face. This isn''t about me. Of course she is worried about her twin. "He''s really excited about this, you know. Please... I don''t want him to get hurt. I know you aren''t interested in courting or anything and... I don''t want him involved in... whatever you have been doing at night."

    I give her a serious look as she awkwardly hugs her arms to her side and fights the urge to look away from me. "I know, Autumn," I respond as gently as I can, "I won''t hurt him. I was upfront about my interest. As far as my other... activities, he is as oblivious as ever. I won''t involve him, I promise." At this she does look away, some tension releasing from her shoulders.

    "Why are you even going to this? It doesn''t seem like your kind of party," she asks, a hint of accusation in her voice. I think of the vial Henry made for me that I have tucked in my sleeve. With the distilled poison from my blood that I plan to spike a few drinks with. I suppose the accusation is fair, although the poison is entirely harmless without the activating protein. I even had it extracted so no one would unknowingly be drinking human blood. Nevertheless, I was planning on doing something there, and I am getting in with August''s invitation.

    I groan inwardly as I realize I am, in a way, involving August. Shit. I suppose I''ll have to sneak back in after we leave if I want to keep the promise I just made. It''ll be a bit riskier but I should be able to swing it. At the very least, I can rub elbows and secure my own invitation to future parties. It''s not like this shit will stay in their systems forever anyway; I''ll need to do this multiple times.

    I nod at her, "You''re right. I wasn''t arrested and executed weeks ago, which means, despite the way I snapped at and scared you, you didn''t turn me in. You have extended a lot of trust to someone you haven''t known that long, it''s only fair I do the same. I was going to do something. Nothing dangerous, but I was using this invitation to do it. I didn''t even think of it affecting August. That was thoughtless and unfair of me, so I won''t do that, not like I planned. I will make polite conversation and get my own invite for the next one. Does that work for you?" I ask and she looks down.

    "R-right," she answers, "Thank you." She turns to leave and I call after her before she leaves my sound bubble.

    "Autumn, wait," I plead and she pauses. "Can we talk when I get back? I... owe you an apology." She seems to shudder but she gives me a slight nod, then continues to her room. I smile a bit to myself. Finally, I will get a chance to make things right. I descend the stairs only to be met with a snort from Iris.

    "What are you all dressed up for? You look like something that belongs in a novelty doll shop!" she chides and I look at her with feigned concern.

    "Oh, you didn''t get an invite from Prince Kallon? I would have thought, considering our relative standing, you''d be the first stop he made!" I gasp as if shocked and her eyes widen.

    "You liar! You aren''t seriously going to the Prince''s party!" she protests and I roll my eyes.

    "No," I answer, "I am going ironically." I shake my head and begin to walk past her when she pushes herself between me and the door.

    "Where do you think you are going? I refuse to accept that someone with such common blood is allowed anywhere near Prince Kallon! Not when I wasn''t invited!" I sigh. This girl really hasn''t said one thing worth listening to since I met her.

    "Perhaps your nose was raised so firmly in the air, you simply didn''t notice him offering the invite," I quip, "now if you''ll excuse me, I''d like to go." She glares at me for a moment, until I give the crack in the brick behind her a meaningful glance and she winces a bit. She then picks up her dress and storms off to her own room. Thank the lord for that. Now, to go to a party full of people just like her. I leave the mansion and find August waiting for me.

    "Lillith! You look radiant!" he greets and I sarcastically bow.

    "Thanks, you don''t look bad yourself. I''m sure you''ll be the talk of all the ladies at the party," I respond.

    "All but one, I''m afraid," he jokes, a badly disguised hint of sadness in his voice. I give him a courtesy laugh but it''s followed by a bit of awkward silence as we walk. The party is being held in the prince''s ''Dorm'' on campus so we don''t need a carriage to reach it and just walk together. "I''m sorry," he says, blushing a little bit. "That wasn''t that funny, was it?"

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    "Not really, no," I answer and he looks down before building up the courage to ask the question that has been on his mind since I shut his romantic intentions down.

    "Can I ask... is there a particular reason you don''t want to court anyone or... is there something about me that makes me unacceptable as a partner?" he practically pleads. Poor kid. I remember being an awkward teenager with a crush. Actually, my teenage body is probably not unrelated to my lack of focus in my aspecting class. At this moment, I make a possibly rash decision, but probably not a terribly dangerous one. Not with August, anyway. His sister knows about my treason, he''ll probably have a more mild reaction to my sexuality. Probably. I knew a few people in my past life that would have proved that guess wrong.

    In any case, Leo already knows, and August has a good heart. I don''t mind easing his self-consciousness a bit. I throw up a sound bubble before speaking. "First of all, just for future reference, no one needs a reason not to want to date someone. Just not wanting to is reason enough. But honestly? A little of both," I answer and for a moment he looks like I slapped him until I raise my hands playactingly. "It''s not what you think. There are reasons I don''t want to court anyone for at least four years, but you would think I was insane if I told you what they were. The reason I''m not interested in you, however, I can share, if you can promise not to tell a soul."

    "Date? What? Wait, never mind. I don''t know what the big secret is, but I can promise that, sure. Tell me straight, what exactly is wrong with me?" he asks and I take a deep breath. I''m actually nervous. It''s funny, no matter how many times I do this, I still get flustered every single time. Probably because it has gone so poorly so many times. The image of my first set of parents flashes through my head. Those assholes actually invited our pastor over to exorcise me when I was a teenager. This is unlikely to go the same way, though, so I push through.

    "There is nothing wrong with you. With either of us, really. But... August, I just don''t like men, that''s all." He looks a little offended and I realize that came out wrong, "No, I don''t dislike men, not on principle. I mean I''m not attracted to them. Romantically or sexually. I like women." At this, he stops walking and just stares at me.

    "Are... you serious?" he asks, his voice cracking a little. "Like, you... I can''t even picture how that would work-"

    "I''d rather you didn''t try, actually," I interject and he chokes a bit then turns pinker than my dress, realizing what he just said then waving his hands to assure me that''s not what he meant.

    "No, no I just mean... you know, courting and marriage. Besides, isn''t that... heresy? Wouldn''t it be an insult to the Collector''s design?" he asks, genuinely confused. It is a question, not a statement, but I nod anyway.

    "Maybe. But ''The Collector''s design'' was the same excuse the priests used to abandon people to torture in the Radiant Woods. I don''t know if that''s really the best metric to use here, man," I answer honestly. This throws him off even more and he pauses.

    "So what, are you saying the Collector is... evil?" he asks, eyes widening.

    I shrug. "I don''t know. Honestly, I have a few theories but I don''t have any idea for certain if he exists, much less how involved he is in what the temple does. But think of it this way. He is supposed to be an all-powerful deity, right? How important is it, on a cosmic scale, that I look at girls the same way you do?" I challenge and he pauses to think about it.

    "So..." he begins, "you mean it doesn''t make sense for him to care? But why would everyone say it does?"

    "Same reason they throw people in the woods to suffer," I answer, "In fact, there are probably more than a few people like me in there right now. What I am saying is that either he really does care, and he is a petty tyrant, or the priests are mistaken or lying. People are fallible, August. And they love to control people. However you feel about your faith, doesn''t it make more sense that some asshole is grossed out than that an omnipotent god gives a single shit?"

    He processes this as we walk for several minutes, and I keep the sound bubble up just in case. Just when I think the awkward silence will kill me, August finally speaks up. "So..." he starts before a wide grin breaks out on his face, "How about that Professor Kyra? Easily my favorite class." I reward this response with a full laugh and he joins me. The awkward tension evaporates just like that and we chat happily for the rest of the walk. "Really though, there isn''t anyone at all you are interested in? I mean I know you can''t openly pursue it, but there must be someone, right?" he pokes and I chuckle.

    "Like I said, I have other reasons courting isn''t appealing to me at the moment." I let him shrug and start to change the subject when I add in, "Although, I''ve been visiting Sarafyna a lot lately..." He gives me a double take and I give him a sheepish smile. I am honestly more than a little surprised that went as well as it did. This is not a progressive world and my particular community is very likely handled the same way as the disabled community. Of course, we have been through some unique experiences and he wasn''t exactly impressed with the houses of penance either.

    Speaking of Sarafyna, part of me worries about her. She has her own plans tonight, and they are far riskier than mine. I look in the direction of the temple she is likely already visiting and nervously bite my lip. I need her to be safe, and this is the first time she has risked actually fighting someone with her newly honed divine magic. I am pulled out of my worries as August speaks again, however.

    "Well here we are," he says gesturing at the very obvious small castle in front of us. Dorm room indeed. "I probably should have asked this earlier, but do you know any formal dances?" he asks and I shrug again.

    "I can do the washing machine," I answer and he examines me.

    "The washing... what? Why would you even want to know a dance about washing something?" he asks, utterly befuddled.

    "What? I like Selena, you have a problem?" I ask and he just chuckles.

    "Lillith, I have no idea what in the third plane you are talking about." With that, we present August''s invitation to the knight at the door and enter the castle. As we make our way to the reception hall, I grow physically weak. August struggles even more and I have to hold him up. When we enter the main hall, the reason becomes clear. A young man, maybe a year or two my senior, is making polite conversation with a group of nobles, each trying to act unaffected.

    This boy is even more formidable than Godfrey and his aura has far more of an edge to it. Like Godfrey, he looks like he doesn''t belong in this world. In an instant, I know that if I fought him anywhere but inside the Radiant Woods, I would die. There is no question about it. There are no tricks I can use. No clever plans. If I face him as I am, I will end. I take a deep breath and enter. This must be Prince Kallon. I can''t kill him. No way. But, unless he plans to end the monarchy himself, I am going to.

 Chapter 33 - Chewing

    Sarafyna

    I feel empty. Not hollow, exactly, but like something I have always carried has been torn away and I am what''s left. this is how it feels to walk through the city I grew up in. It hasn''t really changed, not in any meaningful way. Not to the people who live in it. To me, however, it has lost everything familiar. The baker whose bread I could never afford is gone. The new homes are old and the old homes are older. Even the creaking little gate on the walkway to my old house is gone.

    The house itself has been painted, and the absence of my kindly, smiling father screams from every silent window. If I close my eyes and listen, drowning out the rest of the world, I can hear his feet. Pounding against the pavement as he chases my wagon. I can hear his voice crying my name and begging my captors to give me back. I don''t know why, of all my happy memories with my father, this is the only one that will come to me with any clarity. I shudder and push it away. Lily says she has a lead on him. The little part of me that still feels hope can hold on to that for now. I don''t need this sickening memory.

    I shouldn''t have come here, I know that. It''s not what I came into the city for, and it has nothing for me. It''s just a street now. None of the secret spots I hid in as a kid exist anymore. The smells are different and the warm comfort of home it always offered is just... cold stone and rain. Part of me wants to knock on the doors. Try to drag someone or something, anything I recognize into the night air so I can confirm my childhood was even real. But I can''t do that. I have to stay hidden and, if I showed anyone my face, they would reject me anyway.

    Well, anyone but Lily. She seems completely unbothered as far as I can tell. She has that... darkness spell over her face every time I see her, but I can still somehow feel her emotions. Maybe she is disfigured too, that would certainly explain both things, but honestly, I think she just doesn''t care. Thinking of Lily, I am reminded of why I am in the city. I turn my back on the old neighborhood that moved on without me, and walk into the rain.

    I take the same route I nervously took so, so long ago. Images of my last walk with my father flash through my head as I take the same turns through the same roads. I remember how nervous I was. The promise of my hat block and Dad''s hand on my shoulder, ushering me along. I have to stop as I realize I am not remembering that foreboding feeling as I approach the temple. No, this is the same feeling, but it''s not a memory. I can feel it again. It feels like the grease on a spoiled piece of meat. I suppose some things are exactly as they once were.

    My heart beats against the inside of my chest when I finally reach the temple. I don''t want to be here. This was the last place I went before my life ended. I never wanted to return here but... if what Peter said is true, I have to. I have no choice. I take my hat off for a brief moment and slap the sides of my face in an attempt to force focus into my head. I have to do this. Finally, I replace my hat, privacy veil and all, and take a deep breath. Then I enter the temple.

    There aren''t many people around, but I can feel the ones who are. At least the ones with either mana or divine magic. I walk through the empty halls to the main sanctuary. It is the only fully public location, and it''s in the center of the building. If I want to scan the entire complex, that''s the place to do it. I enter the room, a round sanctuary with an elevated stone altar in the center, surrounded by pews. I take a seat near the middle and concentrate. There are quite a few priests here, but none are active. If I had to guess, that direction is where they sleep.

    There are large gaps between them, and the distance is fairly regular. Then there are a couple walking through the halls in the other direction. So far all of them are far too powerful to be the people I am looking for. Wait, there is one priest... he''s coming this way. My heart races and I take short, shallow breaths as I feel him coming closer and closer. I am allowed in here, and there is no reason to be afraid, but I can''t help it. I practically jump out of my skin when I see him actually enter the room from the opposite side. He looks right at me, then starts walking in my direction.

    My eyes widen and sweat drips down my scarred face as he approaches me. It''s a good thing my dress is drenched with rainwater, or my sweating through my clothes would be more obvious. I am glad Lily managed to find this veil. I can see through it fairly clearly but it obscures my marred face unless someone gets extremely close. I do not want my face to be seen right now.

    "Good evening, my Lady," he greets, giving me a gentle bow, "It''s awfully late, and quite a night, to be presenting yourself to the Collector. Is everything quite alright?" It takes a conscious effort to keep my body in its current shape as he asks me this. His polite tone, his feigned kindness, and his saccharine smile each fill me with rage. He''s older, a decade or so, but I will never forget his face. This is the priest that took me from my father. The man who pretended to be kind... until the witness was gone. The man who threw me in a chair and subjected me to mind rape and banishment to hell.

    "My lady? My Lady! Are you alright my lady?" he panics, but I am far away. I want to scream. I want to run. I want... to kill. Then, a moment later, I find what I am looking for and I remember why I am here. They are below me. Dozens of little souls, each with a seed of divine mana. Other boys like Peter, the children I came here to save.

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    "I''m sorry," I practically whisper and the priest relaxes. "I''ve had an awful time of it."

    "That''s alright my lady. The Collector is watching over you. Tell me what''s on your mind." he offers and I have to fight the urge to puke.

    "It''s funny," I answer, "You don''t remember me, I suppose. You were the first priest I ever met. You brought me to my first confession." He looks confused at the revelation and puts his hand over his chin and mouth in thought.

    "A noblewoman? Why did you want a confession? I''m very sorry, my lady, you are right, I remember no such thing," he answers and I nod.

    "I didn''t suppose you would. I was just a girl, then. A scared child. But my mother always took such comfort in the temple, before she passed. Any temple. She said they were sanctuaries. Little bastions of safety in a terrifying world. That''s why I came here when I was young. I came for the comfort my mother always felt," I answer, and the slithering snake of a priest nods sagely.

    "Sounds like your mother was a wise woman," he answers. "Is she why you are here tonight?" he asks and I don''t answer for a moment. Instead, I drink in the emotions of the children, trapped somewhere below me. Their confusion, their fear, and their sorrow. Most heartbreakingly of all, their hope. The one emotion only the youngest have. And of course, the faith.

    "What do you do with their parents?" I ask, turning my head to look directly at him.

    "Pardon, my lady?" He replies, genuine confusion coloring his voice.

    "The children. The ones you pull from the poorest parts of town. The ones you blind and train to do your bidding? The ones whose lives and sight you return as a reward after taking them away?" I inquire, my voice perfectly polite. He freezes, then his face hardens.

    "Ah, so you are one of those. This happens sometimes. They are supposed to investigate the families first, but occasionally we miss a relative. Who was it, your sister? Brother? Ex-husband? I see now. You are no noble. Just an angry child here to rage at the Collector''s will. I don''t know where you got your information, but I wouldn''t worry. You''ll see whoever it was soon enough," he tiredly explains to me.

    I feel a familiar fury as he speaks. So unconcerned. So detached. I begin to see the red I thought I left in the Radiant Woods. "My mother said the temples were the Collector''s little sanctuaries, but she was wrong, wasn''t she?" I answer, fighting with everything I am to hold myself together and remember my humanity. "They are his mouths, aren''t they? And you, you are his teeth. Drawing in little, frightened girls. Pulling them from their fathers. Taking little boys from their mothers. And chewing. Breaking us down with slow, deliberate bites until you leave us to be digested." I feel tears running down my cheeks and I hear it again. My father''s feet hit the cobblestone. His desperate cries. His gasping breaths as he runs for far longer than his body can take.

    I am coming apart at the seams. The monster that rampaged through the woods wants control, and I can barely keep it inside until... he grabs me. His firm hands grip my shoulder hard enough to bruise and that''s as far as I can go. I form a mouth on my shoulder, full of rows of razor-sharp teeth, and bite. Through the fabric of my dress, and through his fingers. There is a moment of silence before his body processes what just happened. Then, just as he screams in pain and falls to the ground, I stand and remove my hat and veil. "W-What are you?" he gasps through sobs of pain as I walk toward him and he tries to scramble backward with his one good hand.

    "I told you. I am a scared girl who trusted you. I came to you because I believed you were safe, and you dragged me to the Radiant Woods to suffer. Because you couldn''t control me. No, you could have, really. But your divine magic didn''t work. It wasn''t because you couldn''t control me, it was because you would have to try," I answer, and he looks at my Auburn hair, then my face. I see the moment he remembers me, and I feel his divine mana try to control me.

    I shrug it off and he begins screaming. "Help! Help me! Demon! There is a demon in the sanctuary!" he cries. More priests will definitely hear him, but the part of me that cares is too far away. Right now, I am the Sarafyna who survived the Radiant Woods. I am the hunter the Collector himself can''t stop. And this man is prey. He tries to form some kind of spell but I do the one thing I have learned with my mana, and crush his under its weight. He tries to stand and run but I extend one arm and it grows.

    A mass of flesh pins him back to the ground, and I extend it all over his body. "Please," he whimpers, realizing no one will get here in time to save him, "please... I am sorry! I don''t... I don''t..." he trails off and I glare at him, my mouth extending to snarl at him.

    "You don''t what?" I snap at him. "You don''t understand? You don''t know what''s happening? You just want to go home? Yeah, I understand." Then, I form more mouths, all along the flesh that pins him to the ground, and each of them eats. This is when he starts to truly scream, and I cover his mouth with the flesh from my extended arm. His eyes bulge as my mouths chew, some shredding his flesh with teeth like blades and others crushing and mashing with teeth like stones. I glare at him and my fury grows. It consumes me, and it consumes him.

    I stare him in the eyes until I see the light fade, and just like that... I come back to my senses. What am I doing? I just... tortured him to death... This isn''t... who I want to be. I feel my mana and divine magic grow as my body digests the man. I also feel the priests running toward me. What did I do? Killing is one thing. I have seen the good Lillith has done by killing but what I just did was... something else.

    I look down at my bloodied hand and my shredded dress. I ruined everything. I can''t save anyone now. I have to run. I have to get out of here and save myself so I can try again later, because... I am a monster. I thought I left this part of myself back in the woods but it''s clear now. Sarafyna is truly dead.

    I take the nearest exit to the outside and begin morphing and contorting my body in one of the ways Lillith taught me. It''s gotten easier, even more so after... eating that man. Before long, I have compacted my body into a fleshy bird, and am flying away from the temple.

    I''m not sorry that priest is dead. But it doesn''t feel like he is the only person I just killed.

 Chapter 34 - The Partys Over

    Leo

    I don''t know what to do next. I see Lillith every morning now. We often enter the gate at the same time, and when we don''t she always meets me for breakfast. This is... probably more than I should ask for, but still. Whenever one of those nobles shows up, I feel like I''m on the outside looking in. Lillith is one thing but they... they are dangerous. I don''t know why she can''t see that. They are no safer to her than they are to me. I understand wanting to trust them, but Lillith comes from the same background as I do.

    They will never really accept us, and we will never be safe. Even when they act kind. When they reach a hand out to help. They are always looking down when they do, and there is always a condition attached. As I''m not far from campus, and as I think about what Lillith is doing, a little noble girl, maybe five or six years old, runs past me. I see it before it happens, but I''m too late to stop her. She steps on her too-long dress and falls face-first into the cobblestone. After a moment of quiet, she begins loudly sobbing and I run to her side and kneel to help her up.

    "Ouch, what happened?" I gently inquire, trying to behave calmly, like nothing is actually wrong and my concern is minor. In reality, she looks awful as she looks up at me with red eyes and blood running from her nose. She hit the ground pretty hard. With kids, however, they will often match the tone you set. If I panic, so will she. So I remain calm. She looks confused for a moment as she examines me, but it''s brief.

    "I- I was pulling my sock up but momma didn''t notice, so I ran to catch up but I stepped on my dress. and, and..." she trails off before wiping her nose on her sleeve and hurting her sore nose again. At this, she starts crying and I pull out a handkerchief to begin gently wiping the blood. Just as she is calming down, a woman slaps the cloth from my hand.

    "What are you, some kind of pervert? Get your hands off my daughter! How dare you touch her?" she practically shrieks before grabbing her daughter by the hand and dragging her off. The child looks back at me but I hear her mother scolding, "Don''t talk to strangers like that!". The mother glares over her shoulder at me as well and I slump. I''m so tired of this. As the pair disappears around a corner, I come to a decision. I can''t keep going like this. I have to see if Lillith is still at the Dorm.

    I don''t know when she leaves, but I have to try before I lose my nerve. I stand up, turn, and return to campus.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    The pressure of the prince''s aura is intense but, as unbelievable as it seems, he is holding it back. Not as much as he could be, he is letting enough power out so everyone in the room knows where they stand. I don''t know why he even has a knight on the door. This is clearly how he is really weeding guests out. Only people with a certain level of mana will be able to tolerate this for any amount of time. For the first time in a while, I release some of my aura.

    Not all of it, like the prince, I only release as much as I need to. It would be more comfortable to protect myself with all of my aura, but I don''t want to explain why it''s a match for a hundred or more year old family''s mana. I also have to hide the still gathering mana which answers the question. It is enough, however, and I can move around the room without feeling exhausted as I push back against Kallon''s ambient mana with my own. August releases his aura as well, but his is weaker than mine.

    "You alright bud?" I ask and he nods, a bead of sweat rolling down his head.

    "Never been better," he replies through a forced smile, "I can already tell this party will be loads of fun."

    I chuckle a bit before responding. "Hang in there, my bet is he will rein it in after a while. This is just to scare away undesirables, like me," I quip and he looks up and down at my calm demeanor while he grimaces.

    "It''s doing a great job of it," he jokes and I laugh, then extend my aura a little more, adding my own to his and allowing him to relax. He sighs in relief. "Thanks for that."

    "Any time. Now, let''s mingle, shall we? It''s a party, after all," I say and we push our way into the crowd.

    "Right, maybe I can find a nice Lady that''ll want to dance with me, eh?" he suggests and I give him a skeptical look.

    "August, you didn''t even know what a blind lady was when I met you, I doubt you''re gonna find one here," I joke.

    "I mean I guess not but why... wait, hold on... Hey!" he protests and I laugh.

    "Seriously though, they''d be lucky to dance with you. I wish you luck!" I encourage and he rolls his eyes at me. About half an hour after the party starts, I am proven correct and the prince suppresses his aura more, maintaining the sense of unreality around himself but allowing the rest of us to breathe. I suppress my aura, and August is free to leave my side. This choice greatly increases his chances of finding a dance partner and my ability to get a feel for the other nobles in the room.

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    With the heavy aura released, the party starts in earnest and the conversation becomes far more lively. I slowly make my way through the crowd, making polite conversation and introducing myself. I''m pretty far out of my element here, but I do alright. I get a good sense of some more important nobles and recognize a few names on my list. It makes me feel a little sick, the happy and friendly smiles I get from the slave owners. Some of them are nearing adulthood and their worldviews are growing more concrete.

    I do encounter some hope, however, as I finally make my way to Prince Kallon and overhear the conversation he is having with another noble. The man he is talking to is one of the few who seemed unaffected by the pressure earlier, although he now looks a bit disheveled. Not like he has done anything serious, but his hair is messy and his clothes aren''t tucked in all the places they should be. Considering his exaggerated hand gestures as he debates the prince, the reason for this is obvious enough.

    "We rule by the mandate of the Collector, Dominic, certainly you aren''t questioning God?" Kallon protests and the man, Dominic, waves him off.

    "No of course not, you are missing the point! It''s about obligation! It''s about the future! I am not questioning if we should rule, I am questioning how!" he counters. He looks about seventeen or so and, now that I look at him, fairly similar to the prince. He must be a close relative, especially if he is openly challenging him like this.

    "By the Collector himself, you sound like great Uncle Godfrey!" Kallon sighs before accepting a drink from a passing waiter, a man with an impressive aura of his own, I notice. "Are you going to hide in some backwater city too?"

    Dominic sighs himself. "Grandfather has made his mistakes, I''ll acknowledge that, but that doesn''t mean he is wrong!" he protests and my ears perk up a little. So he''s Godfrey''s grandson, that''s interesting. What''s more interesting is Godfrey has apparently been questioning the method of the Royal family''s rule. I suppose I''ve never actually spoken to him in depth about this, but the way he helped cover for me in Satusmor makes a bit more sense if that''s the case.

    "Our family''s rule has kept Potestia prosperous for thousands of years! It would be foolish to start experimenting now!" Kallon complains and Dominic shakes his head and waves one arm back and forth.

    "That''s exactly the problem! Thousands of years, and everything is exactly the same! Have you ever wondered if things could be better? Faster travel, more immediate communication? What if we could have cleaner cities and stronger soldiers?" Dominic asks, and Kallon shakes his own head, a sympathetic smile on his face.

    "Dominic, you have lost track of your own argument! What does that have to do with the treatment of commoners?" he laughs and Dominic growls in frustration.

    "Because, Kallon, we are limiting possible advancement! if only a small portion of the population has access to magic and education, only a small portion of the population has the chance to make new discoveries! Grandfather was inspired by a commoner and he says he discovered an entirely new type of magic circle!" Dominic insists and Kallon bursts into laughter. I click my tongue a bit myself at the way ''Godfrey''s'' discovery was framed. He doesn''t even know how to draw the damn thing.

    "Godfrey is an insane old man whose old age only degraded his mind further while he was hiding away. He didn''t discover anything! Especially not from a commoner. Dominic, they are bumbling idiots. They can''t read or wash themselves, much less make new discoveries in magic. These ideas are just childish. Don''t worry, you''ll understand someday. It may not be easy; learning can be painful! But you will learn how the world works!" Kallon answers and I get an immediate headache.

    Dominic rubs his temples and I can see he feels the same way. I probably won''t exactly find an ally in this man. He wants to change how the monarchy rules and I want to remove the monarchy entirely, but at this moment, I feel his pain. ''Learning can be painful'' he said. Arrogant little prick. I swear, being condescended to by an honest-to-good idiot can cause physical pain. It''s not even directed at me, or someone I completely agree with, but it still hurts. Kallon has clearly never bothered thinking about anything but his own superiority.

    The two argue like this for some time, and I never actually get the chance to introduce myself to either before the party comes to a close. I barely had to avoid dance requests all night and August clearly had a good time. I had hoped to sneak back in after leaving with August, but I''ll get another opportunity to slip my little gift into the drinks. This won''t be the last party, and I think I have a few leads on dates that I don''t mind implicating in some treason in the future.

    It wasn''t a waste either. This Dominic, and apparently Godfrey, are influential people that, if I heard right, support sharing magic to a degree. That is extremely useful information. I''m in a decent mood as I help the clearly drunk August back to his dorm. I pretty easily carry him inside, where a couple of his dorm mates cheer as I make my way to his room with their directions. I prop him up on his side in bed, then depart, to the same roommate''s boos. I give them a smile and tell them to fuck themselves, then head toward my own dorm.

    I finally get to apologize to Autumn and move forward. I''m a little nervous and remind myself not to let myself get carried away this time as I ascend the stairs in our shared mansion. I take a deep breath, then knock on the door. There is no response and my heart sinks. Did she change her mind?

    "Autumn, are you in there?" I call and I''m met with silence again. It is pretty late, maybe she is asleep. I am about to give up when I hear it. She''s quiet and muffled, almost imperceptible like there is something covering her mouth. I do hear her voice, however, and I hold my ear to the door. Then, she says it again. "Help me..." she struggles to beg.

    I don''t hesitate. I kick the heavy oak door off its hinges and barge into the room. Inside stands a man, clothed in a deep, navy blue with a mask over his face. He is holding one hand over Autumn''s mouth and has a knife in the other.

 Chapter 35 - Sense Emotion

    I don''t hesitate. Processing what is happening isn''t an option. The man''s eyes widen as the door flies open, and his knife-wielding hand rises to her throat. Before the door even lands, I am moving across the room. I use force mana to force the intruder''s hand against Autumn''s collarbone. The force is enough to prevent him from drawing the blade across her throat and in a second I have both his hands gripped in mine. I throw them both away from my friend with all of my strength and use force mana to throw the man from the window, then pull Autumn into a hug.

    "Are you alri-" I begin before throwing us both to the side. The man, who somehow stopped himself only a few feet away, had thrown a knife at Autumn''s back which I barely manage to avoid. She screams and I look to prepare for the next strike. I use mana to decrease my weight and increase my speed so I can recover and fight without pulling Autumn with me. I''m surprised when I see he hasn''t made another move. I stand between him and Autumn, and he seems to have waited for me to recover for some reason.

    I take advantage of the brief moment of uncertainty. He is a tall man, towering over me and already brandishing a new throwing knife. That''s not what worries me, however. I can overpower a larger man easily enough. What worries me is his aura. He is powerful, more so than almost anyone at the party I just left, excepting the prince and presumably Dominic. I have been fighting with an advantage for a long time now. In every battle I fight, I am surrounded by the grieving and oppressed. People who need my help, and whose presence empowers me to help them.

    Here, in the middle of a campus full of the rich and powerful, I am just... me. Sure, there are at least one or two grieving people... somewhere near me. And of course, I am not a weak mage. I have been accumulating mana for years and now surpass any noble family that''s been around for less than a century, all things considered. None of this changes the simple fact that stands before me. I am, for the first time since Baldwin, completely outclassed.

    I hold up my fists and take a combat-ready stance anyway. Power isn''t everything, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I feel a pang of fear as I think about trying to win this fight and, to my horror, his aura grows more dense. He has a fucking fear-based aspect. I take a deep breath to calm myself and push the fear down. The mana remains still, and I get my fear under control. I am the picture of focus and I drown out all other emotions with determination which... causes his aura to grow more. Fuck, what kind of aspect is that?

    Fine, if that''s the case, I won''t think. I''ll just fight. If his mana is stronger, I''ll just beat it out of him. I charge him, swinging a fist with one hand and using force on his feet to throw him off balance. He dodges my swing easily and pushes against my force with his own pure aura, strangling my mana. I stumble over his extended foot and he calmly walks past me, going straight for Autumn. As I recover and turn, Autumn screams. The man is forming his own spell. Its color is similar to my force mana but its nature feels different.

    I throw force mana at him which he easily deflects. At the same time, I create a loud screeching with sound mana. He can deflect my mana but not the effects created by it. As he smacks his hands over his ears I push Autumn to the side of the room with force. He flicks his finger and my sound spell is squashed like a grape. I am already running to tackle him but he leaps over me like Peter fucking Pan. It''s not like a force-propelled jump, he literally glides from the ground into a flip over me and gently lands on the other side.

    I turn on my heel and he is already casting a powerful fire spell in Autumn''s direction. I throw myself between the two casting an air spell as I do. This one is a vacuum where I deny the passage of air at all like I would with sound or light. It takes a lot more mana to maintain as vacuums really don''t like to exist, it turns out. At the same time, I put a sound barrier between it and myself. This puts the fire out before it can hurt either of us and the rival mage quickly stops casting.

    The combination of the sound it makes beyond my barrier and the nonmagical air pushing us while working to fill the space finally throws the imposing man off balance as he lurches forward. A large number of stuffed animals, Autumn, and I lurch a bit as well at the brief gust of wind in the room. It only lasts a second before the vacuum closes, however, and our movement is minor. I hope it is enough as I push myself forward with the momentum and try to hit him with a quick jab. It''s not as strong as a hook but for me, it doesn''t have to be.

    This all happens in a second and my knuckles are a breath from crushing his skull as he recovers, but with the same mana as earlier he gently pushes himself to the side and slides down my arm. The asshole then wraps his arm around my waist and spins me, tossing me across the room. None of his movements are sudden or rough like mine; everything he does is like a dance.

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    "Fuck!" I yell in frustration while Autumn screams and tries to form her own fire spell to fend off her assailant. He crushes it mercilessly under his mana and begins forming a new spell with a type I haven''t seen before. "Alright. Enough of this ''Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon'' shit!" I snarl, reducing my weight and creating an explosion of force behind me. I launch across the room toward him.

    Again, he dodges to the side and I fly right past him. The stones I had conjured behind me don''t however. I had launched them in multiple directions to maximize my chances of hitting him. Two of them collide with his side and cut deep into his flesh while I collide with the brick wall. Before launching myself, I had pumped mana through my body, reinforcing myself with both pure mana and painful internal force. This stops any bones from breaking, but I feel the crack in my nose as brick meets cartilage.

    Blood runs down my face as all three of us recover from the exchange. He is faster than I am, and a new mana rapidly conjures two steel blades over Autumn. I try to push them with force mana, but my frustration and pain combined with Autumn''s fear has empowered the man even more. He crushes my spell without so much as a glance. How many fucking aspects does he have? I watch the steel blades fall, ready to bisect Autumn and I panic, throwing myself between the two.

    Crushing mana inside my body is still beyond him and my reinforced body manages to block the blades. From killing anyone, in any case. Both blades still bite deep into my flesh and bone and I cry out in agony as they slow. They cut over half an inch into my forearm and push me back into Autumn, forcing her against the wall.

    "I don''t want to fucking hurt you, now get out of my way," the vaguely familiar voice of the attacker scowls. He then takes advantage of my disorientation at the pain to grab a handful of my hair and roughly throw me across the room. I collide with the bedframe, which collapses with the impact. Panicked, I dig my way out from the splintered wood and grab the edge of the rug the man is standing on. I pull it with all my strength, and the man actually stumbles, falling to the ground. The combination of his bleeding side and the lack of mana in my attack finally took him down.

    I try to regain my feet before he does but immediately stumble to one knee. I look down at the sharp pain which lost me my balance and find a nearly foot-long shard of wood from the frame lodged between two of my ribs. I feel a familiar blackness edging into the corners of my eyes and fight it off with sheer force of will. If I pass out here, Autumn dies. I don''t know why he wants me alive and her dead, but it''s the only advantage I have.

    It''s too late to attack him since I stumbled. So, gripping my side, I run to Autumn instead, putting myself in his way again. As he recovers his feet and clutches his own side, he sighs. I see him forming a powerful spell to counter this move somehow when everyone feels it. The pressure of an even more powerful mage. I didn''t use all those sound spells for no reason. Help is coming and we all know it. The man glares at me, grabs the wood splinter in my side, yanks it out, and flees through the window.

    I immediately cough up blood and grip my side. It is bleeding profusely and I have to use heat mana to burn the flesh and stop the blood before I lose too much. I look around, fighting for consciousness. The new mana is still approaching, and I move quickly. I don''t know what this is about, but it''s an opportunity. I retrieve a small bag of garlic and sprinkle it on the ground. I know they have noticed this little calling card by now, and if I''m going to get my ass kicked, I might as well get an alibi out of it.

    Barely a second after I hide the pouch, Headmistress Cateline storms in. She takes one look around the room, glares at me, and begins directing a parade of mages to search the area. She instructs one to get a doctor and I let myself collapse. I don''t pass out, but I just... lay there and wait for help to come. Fuck this hurts.

    "Th-thank you, Lillith" Autumn whispers and I roll my head in her direction to look at her. I don''t have the energy to really keep my eyes locked on hers, but I hold my hand in a weak thumbs up.

    "Anytime, kid," I wheeze before erupting into coughs. That''s not good. Something is ruptured, in there. The world starts to wobble a bit, and I try to put my other arm over my eyes, only to stop as I see two foot-long blades still wedged into it. Instead, I just close my eyes. After an eternity, the doctor arrives and I am hoisted onto some kind of stretcher. As they carry me out of the building, I see Leo rushing to my side.

    "Move aside, child," Cateline orders while literally pushing him over with mana. He crumples over on the ground in pain and I try to glare at the woman but lack the energy to put real emotion into it.

    "Don''t do that to him," I groan and she suddenly jerks her head to me, pure disgust on her face.

    "What did you just say?" she sneers, before pressing one of the blades further into my arm with her thumb. I find the energy to cry out at the pain. I am not reinforcing my body anymore and the sharp blade cuts through me like butter.

    "I said," I struggle to answer through gritted teeth, "Don''t fucking do that!" She holds her thumb in place for another second, and then as suddenly as it came, her rage melts away. She then waves to the doctor to take me to be treated and stays to speak to Leo. I want to help the kid out but I can''t do anything but be carried away right now.

    I want to pass out but two thoughts keep me fighting to stay awake. As the blood runs from my mouth and nose, I curse internally. First, I''m pretty sure I just fought a fucking bard. Warriors exclusive to royalty. Second, they are going to try to measure my fucking pulse.

 Chapter 36 - Reconciliation

    I manage to fight off sleep for the duration of my initial treatment. It''s an unpleasant choice to make in a world without effective anesthetics, but I have to pump mana through my blood to simulate a heartbeat. Eventually, they actually bring a priest in to help heal me which is less helpful than they expect. The priest, with no understanding of biology, does the same thing Baldwin did and just tries to form my body into an image he has in mind. If I hadn''t made changes, this would work. Instead, I have to fight off his intent to keep my changes intact. My fangs are almost useable and I don''t intend to lose them and my blood poison right now.

    All this together results in a decidedly unpleasant treatment, a lot of teeth grinding, and enough pained eye-watering to leave my eyes red and puffy. And so I find myself in front of Headmistress Cateline looking like some kind of pale, bloated fish. She eyes me appraisingly from behind her desk, and I can see the disapproval written across her face. If not for my current state, she''d see the same on mine. I haven''t forgotten her thumb on the knife in my arm.

    She looks through a few papers before looking back up at me. "So, Autumn of Forrester, Eleonor of Renatus, Iris of Bonner, and you, Lillith of Endings," she intones, maintaining eye contact with me. "No one of particular import in your dorm. And yet, a mage with enough power to avoid our knights and sneak on campus targeted you, of all people. Would you care to enlighten me as to why?" I don''t even have to lie, not really.

    I can think of multiple reasons someone would target me, but Autumn? She''s just a cute kid trying to live her life. "I don''t know why that man was there," I answer, "I wish I did. I''d actually like to avoid being thrown around like a rag doll in the future, if possible." She just gives me an unamused look.

    "Can you tell me how you survived, then?" she interrogates and I lean my head back in exhaustion.

    "Barely," I quip, and she just glares at me expectantly. "I don''t know. I don''t think he was trying to kill us. Whatever he wanted, it was something else." She raises an eyebrow.

    "And what might that be?" she practically accuses.

    "I couldn''t say, but tell you what, I''ll ask the guy next time I see him," I retort. She smacks her papers onto her desk with a loud thump to illustrate her frustration with me.

    "This is not a game, Lillith. Your tone and behavior is unacceptable. The company you keep is abhorrent, and you are developing behavioral issues. I expected more from Lord Godfrey''s apprentice. You are going to embarrass him," she reprimands and I roll my pained eyes. She''ll further injure a beaten child and that''s conducting herself like a noble lady but I have breakfast with Leo and I am disgracing Godfrey. She seriously needs to get over this shit.

    "Believe me," I answer, "I am the architect of my own behavioral issues. And I honestly can''t tell you anything more about our attacker. I would love to have them out of the picture, I would tell you if I knew anything." She examines me for a long moment.

    "If it were up to me, I would expel you right now just for the attitude. You are lucky to have Lord Godfrey supporting you, and you should appreciate him more," she answers, apparently more concerned with my lack of respect than the man who attacked her students. "As it stands, I will suspend you instead. For causing a violent disturbance on campus. You and Autumn will be banned from campus for two weeks. It would be longer, but your aspecting class is scheduled to measure students'' mana levels at that point. This will not happen again, do you understand?"

    I just start laughing at that. It''s all I can do. What a fucking piece of work. It''s fine, I''d rather heal up around my family anyway. The laughter makes her more angry, and I should hold it back, but I just can''t. I''m exhausted, in pain, and this shit is just too much. Sometimes it''s all you can do. The rest of our conversation is less than productive, and eventually, I am sent to the dorm to collect my things. Here, I find Autumn, sitting on the floor and clutching her knees in front of my door.

    She has been crying herself, and I can understand why. Teenage girls aren''t supposed to have to fight for their lives from assassins. I feel a pang of guilt at this. She was clearly the target, but the assassin''s efforts to keep me alive make it clear it was not unrelated to me. "You alright, Autumn?" I ask gently and, when she realizes I am there, she throws herself to her feet and wraps her arms around me.

    "I''m sorry, Lillith, I''m so sorry!" she sobs into my shoulder and I rub her back. Has she been blaming herself for my injuries?

    "No, Autumn, I am. I don''t know who that guy was, but if it''s anyone''s fault he was after you, it''s mine. I am so sorry. And I''m sorry about how I handled our last conversation. I could have handled certain aspects of it, particularly with your parents, a lot better. Will you give me another chance?" I ask, but she just starts sobbing harder. So, I hold her and let her get it out. If there is something I know as well as anyone, it''s what it feels like to need a cry. Sometimes, you just carry it with you. For days, weeks, years. A good cry can wait just beneath the surface, weighing you down until you just... set it free. Surviving an assassination attempt at fourteen will definitely cause it.

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    It''s a good while before she calms down, but I don''t mind. Once she does, I bring up the awkward reality of our suspension. They aren''t going to let us stay here forever. "So, uh, I don''t know if they told you about our suspension..." I trail off but she nods, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

    "I know," she answers, "Lady Cateline told me..." she answers and I see the concern I expected behind her eyes. I address it before she can.

    "I know you have no place to stay and might be nervous about renting a room alone. My family''s home is... below the standard you are used to. But it''s safe, and you are welcome there... if you want," I offer, and she looks up at me with wide, red eyes. Then, for some reason, she begins sobbing again.

    "T-thank you, L-Lillith!" she responds through sobs, "Y-you are too nice to me... you fought so hard, and... and... I''m sorry!" she apologizes again and I just hug her. My own eyes water. It''s my fault, and she is beating herself up so much.

    "Of course I fought. You are my friend, Autumn. I already hurt you. I scared you. And then you were attacked, probably because of me. I should be the one saying I''m sorry," I reassure, but it doesn''t help. We go around like this for a while before she calms down. Finally, she responds to my offer.

    "I would love to stay with your family," she answers and I give her a gentle smile.

    "We''ll be happy to have you. Come on, let''s get your things," I answer, and we go about the work of packing. Several hours later, we arrive at my family''s makeshift home. The other women we are sheltering are scattered around the first floor. There are fewer of them now, as many have been evacuated, just in case. I think Autumn will still have to share a room with me, for now. It''s the best way to protect her if she is attacked again anyway. We are all closer to our emergency escape route this way as well.

    In the corner I spot Edward, smiling and chatting with a blonde woman. I narrow my eyes as I realize she has always been there when Ed has chosen to chat or eat with our guests instead of the family. Then, I recognize her dress as the one Mom had been making with Ed when I first got here. Perhaps he really wasn''t avoiding me... He then spots me and hurriedly looks away. The woman he is with then crosses her arms and says something under her breath I can''t quite understand. The two seem to have a light disagreement that consists of her scolding him, and I take note of it for later.

    I am quickly distracted as the rest of my family comes to greet me. "Lily, what a pleasant... what happened to you??" my mother starts before she notices my bandages and awkward walk. She then rushes to my side to examine me more closely. Gilbert and Henry shake their heads with concern, but both are familiar with some of the fights I have found myself in.

    "I heckled an angry minstrel," I joke and she gives me that unamused look only moms can manage.

    "I know you do some dangerous things, Lillith. It scares me to death just to think about, but I don''t try to stop you. I understand why you do what you do. The least you can do is be honest and serious with me," she scolds and I nod.

    "You''re right, I''m sorry mom. Sometimes a joke is just how I keep things from getting to me," I respond apologetically. "To answer that, let me introduce my friend, Autumn." I gesture at Autumn, then tell the story of the fight. My mom looks like she is having heart palpitations and the concern on my brother''s face is clear as well.

    "I''d hate to be that guy when you find out who he is," Gilbert half-jokes.

    "He must be something if he managed to beat you so badly," Henry adds and Autumn nods along.

    "You have no idea," she says and the entire group kinda looks at each other, wondering how much the others know.

    "I''m Gilbert, by the way. It''s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Autumn," he bows and she politely curtsies in response.

    "The pleasure is mutual, Lord Gilbert," she responds formally, and Henry and I both practically choke.

    "Yeah Lord Gilbert, the pleasure is mutual," I laugh and Gilbert blushes at the friendly but mocking tone.

    "We don''t really use titles like that," Henry explains. "I''m Henry, I''m happy to meet one of Lily''s friends," he smiles and she fumbles this curtsy, blushing a little. Henry doesn''t miss it and his cheeks flush as well. Mom comes to their rescue.

    "Well we are very happy to have you Autumn, I''ll get everyone some tea," she announces before running to the kitchen.

    "Autumn and I have some things to talk about, so we are going to head up to my room. We need to get her unpacked anyway," I say, and my brothers let us go. "Tell Mom she can bring the tea up!" I call behind us as I lead Autumn to the room I usually sleep in when I stay.

    When we get there, we sit down on opposite beds and face each other. We are quiet for a while. We both start to speak at the same time, tripping over each other in our attempts to end the awkward silence. Then we both try to concede to the other and delay the conversation again. Finally, my mom drops off the tea, a nice blend I... acquired from a richer family''s home, we finally manage to speak to each other.

    "I feel like..." I begin as Autumn takes a sip of tea, "I feel like when we last spoke, I got too caught up in the ''whys'' of what I am doing and didn''t explain enough of the ''whats''". She looks down and doesn''t respond, so I continue speaking. "First, I''d like to tell you more about Satusmor. What I did, what I wanted to do, and what went wrong."

 Chapter 37 - How many times can we say no?

    "I don��t want to be a violent person. I am, violent, but I don��t want to be. I am violent to fight back. On my own behalf, and on behalf of others. I kill in self-defense. Defense from immediate violence, and defense from structural violence. This is something I started to talk about before, but�� I didn��t do it very well.

    "This is where I failed you. This is where I left you crying and fearing for your loved ones. I am so sorry. I want to do better. Not just with you, but with everything. Because I don��t want to be a violent person. In another world, where I had a better chance, I would resort to it far less frequently. I don��t want to hurt anyone�� well, that��s not true. That��s what I tell myself, but it��s a lie, and I want to be honest here. There are people I want to hurt. People who see pain as a revenue stream, who inspire depths of grief and rage that I just... But, sorry, I��m getting distracted again.

    "The point is, I don��t want to organize an army and lead them in a war against the nobility. I don��t want to drag every noble through the streets and execute them in the public square. In fact, what I want is a world where violence is not the shadow behind every corner and the collar on every neck.

    "I just want a world where people take care of each other. Where homes and hygiene products aren��t withheld from anyone. Where people aren��t things. I just want people to be treated as people. Not tools that are owned. Not objects to be manipulated and coerced. Just�� people.

    "That is what I set out to build in Satusmor. Not an army. Not a group of raiders and avengers to make the nobility pay. For certain people, there was no avoiding violence. I knew this. But it wasn��t the goal. The goal, and the way it began, was to start with just one city where people were treated as people.

    "Not an easy thing to do in a country ruled by a king but I thought I had a chance. In part, because this country makes no sense. The more I learn about it, the less sense it makes. Communication between cities is slow. Travel is rare. Both are far more than make any sense. Even then, I knew we barely had any trade between cities. This is weird, but it gave me an advantage.

    "It gave me a chance to change one city without the entire country crushing us. And at first, it went well. Great even. But, as you know, it failed. Things went wrong for four reasons. Two of them I expected and was prepared to respond to. One of them, I knew about but had to live with. The final problem, I should have expected and did, but only to a minor degree. I had no idea the extent to which it would poison anything and everything I tried.

    "I started with the poor. The homeless and abandoned. The people we lock away in the corners of society and ignore so we don��t have to feel uncomfortable or guilty. These weren��t part of any plan at all. I just had the tools to feed and clothe them, and they needed it.

    "Anyone with a fire and a loaf of bread faced with the starving and freezing would offer to share what they have. And if they could teach them to start a fire of their own, they would. I understand, in hindsight, and with the versatility of magic, this may seem more like giving them a sword.

    "But anyone who denies them the fire because ��if they know how to make fire, they might burn someone��s house down��? Well, that person has simply never been so cold. But, after that, I moved on. I killed the man who was trying to force me into a marriage, and I killed his father who gave him the authority to do so. At the same time, I cut the head off the snake in that city.

    "For a while, there was no real direction behind the guards, or the few knights in the city, and the different nobles in town couldn��t agree on who was in charge. I was free to move about and act without too much fear of an organized response.

    "So I went to the farmers and the ranchers. It is amazing how much power is granted by food distribution. If one man had absolute power over all magic, but another was the only one who could ever create food, the man with bread would be king.

    "I shared magic with them and some of them agreed to share food with others. They learned earth and plant magic faster than anyone else learned any aspects. The effects of working with both for so long. They produced food faster than ever, and it changed lives. They could provide for the extravagant feasts of the nobility and the needs of the commoners without working themselves into an early grave. Street kids agreed to help them handle the larger harvests as well. And this did work close to how it was intended�� at first.

    "Next, I went to vendors. Not large merchants but bakers and tailors. People struggling to survive selling basic goods. Then I went to women. Women looking for an escape from marriages and guardians that abused and violated them. I helped them find a new home and introduced the idea of magic healing, to little effect, unfortunately. Even some noblewomen were looking for somewhere they could live without a guardian.

    "This is how I spent the early months, after Godfrey left and before things got bad. And I helped people, or rather, people helped each other. It''s the best I''ve felt since I was brought into this world. It was easier than it ever would be without magic. Magic makes self-sufficiency an almost obvious way to live. But, it couldn''t last. It wasn''t long before I started running into problems. The first was the most obvious. I was alone and, I''m just not good at this. I can put my neck on the line any day. I can take a hit as many times as I need to. But getting people to work together effectively and long term? I''m, well, a failure. I can give an impassioned speech but truth be told, a lot of people just don''t like me. They don''t like each other, and I''m ill-equipped to help with that.

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    "The second was that people are people. For everyone happy to be given new tools for survival and new people to rely on, there were more than a few people eager to grasp onto power themselves. Some already had a tiny taste of it in their little gangs, clubs, or marriages, and craved more. Others respond to being beaten down with fantasies of holding the club themselves. These are the ones who caused a scene. The ones that tried attacking women and picking fights with each other and guards.

    "Then, there is violence. Structural violence. Authority. The kind of violence that is used against commoners every day. When rapists are willfully ignored, or children are denied food. The violence of taking a home away from someone who can''t afford it, and forcing people to degrade themselves for their supposed betters or face eventual death. The violence that is authority, because, that''s exactly what authority is. It doesn''t always look that way. But that''s what it is. In all its different forms, whether from a kind leader or a cruel one, it always boils down to how many times you can say no.

    "A cruel leader will become violent the first time. A kind one will have more steps, but eventually, it ends in violence. If there is no violence, then there was never any authority in the first place. It ends in enslavement, imprisonment, execution, or a slow death by starvation and abandonment. As we learned on the way here, it sometimes ends in the Radiant Woods. It''s in its nature.

    "So, when the guards wanted magic for themselves, and only themselves? Well, that was a question of how many times we could say no. When we didn''t need degrading jobs to feed ourselves and the richer nobles had to take care of themselves, and they told us we had to come back? How many times could we say no. When we stopped paying the prices for wood and meat, and didn''t pay merchants just for carrying it to us? Well, you get the point. That''s what I mean when I say I am violent defensively. Even when I am the one who goes looking for a fight. Even when rapists kneel in front of me and surrender. Because, once I let them go, they go back to telling people that ''no'' isn''t an option.

    "That''s what I was doing. Not organizing an army. Not creating my own little magic soldiers to fight and die for me. I was giving people a chance to say no, and connecting them so they could lean on each other instead of people who hated them. I did this knowing that it would lead to violence. I did this, fully prepared to fight. Because I knew opting out was never an option. We are commodities and by living and supporting ourselves, we were stealing.

    "So, as soon as Lord William showed up and reorganized the city leadership, they came for us. Mostly the city guard. We were still below the notice of the powerful nobles and I was the only one with enough magic to be dangerous to an armed and trained soldier. They captured people and tortured them. They raided the houses of penance and discovered my magic circles. They started learning magic of their own and being the most familiar with weapons and pain, they learned to use it as one faster than any of the other commoners. Like the farmers and their plants, the guards found their own cruel aspects with terrifying speed.

    "That''s when things truly fell apart. The nobles didn''t want the guards having magic any more than us. Just like us, the guards were a tool. So Lord William sent the few knights in the city after any commoners with magic, guards or otherwise. Meanwhile, the guards kept coming after us. The guard captain, Horace, was the worst. He was like a hound with a taste for blood. He had figured out magic quickly, and he was cruel. He took pleasure in hunting us down.

    "When he found the first house I went to he... well. Anyway. He was cruel. So when you heard there were battlefields in the city streets, that''s what you were hearing about. People who just wanted a life of their own being hunted down for saying no. None of this was insurmountable. It would have been easier if I weren''t so inadequate. If I had organized better or communicated more frequently or just been fucking faster, maybe the few friends I had wouldn''t have... But that''s not the point. Even with someone like me, only good at fighting, we could have been okay. We could have fought back.

    "But that leads us to the final problem. The catastrophic issue that pulled everything apart. At first, I thought it was normal. People stopped trusting each other. They became paranoid that everyone was leading the guards back to them. The farmers started to grow too afraid to distribute as much food. Fights broke out and groups fell out. This is normal when you are being hunted. It''s normal to an extent anytime a new group forms. But... it kept getting worse.

    "I found barns, full of rotting food managed by distrustful farmers. Families broke apart, turning on each other. Even houses of penance devolved into chaos. It was worse than anything anyone had ever warned about in a world without the rule of law. That may make sense to some, but it''s a silly thing to believe. Or, it should be. People turn on each other in stressful situations, but not like this. This wasn''t just my bad organizational skills, and this wasn''t the stress of a more powerful enemy.

    "See, this is another thing that makes no sense about this country. One country, for thousands of years. One royal family, the entire time. All the scheming and plotting of the most power-hungry people in the world and there has never been so much as one upset, much less commoners fighting back on a meaningful scale. That just doesn''t make sense, especially in the early years when mages weren''t as powerful. It was confession.

    "Most commoners, in every city in the country, go through confession. Not everyone, some find ways out of it, but it doesn''t need to be all of them. And they go through it regularly. So when one priest dies, the effects don''t end. The idea of mistrust in other commoners is built into our brains. It is wedged in there by a hostile and invading force and kept there under the pretense of piety. We are programmed to rely on our supposed betters. The harder we fight back, the more it takes effect.

    "We were never allowed to opt-out. We were never allowed to take care of each other. Even our minds were their property all along. I knew this violation would hurt us, but I didn''t realize how thorough it was. That was the nail in the coffin. That was my biggest failure."

    Autumn had been letting me speak uninterrupted, but as I grew quiet and she saw my eyes start to water, she moved over to my bed to put her hand on mine. "So, what did you do?" she asks and I take a deep breath.

    "Well. There was only one thing I could do," I answer, preparing to tell the rest of the story. At least, the parts I was ready to talk about. "I went to church."

 Chapter 38 - I want to do better

    "I''m not like Sarafyna. I can''t spot a user of divine magic from a mile away. And I lived with a priest. As far as I can tell, a lot of them are just... people. People like you who worship the Collector and want to do the right thing. Not all of them use divine magic to manipulate the populace and keep us in our place. I don''t think many of them even know about it. So I had to go to the temple. I lived with a priest and he was a genuine, kind man. He cared about children more than anyone. Given some recent... revelations, I can be even more certain he doesn''t know everything his leaders are up to," I begin again and Autumn interrupts for the first time.

    "W-what revelations?" she nervously interjects. I can see she is struggling to process everything I have said, but the things I said about the church are the worst. I pause before responding, worried about upsetting her further, then decide to just get through what I am saying first.

    "I''ll... get to that in a bit," I respond awkwardly, scratching the back of my head. "For now, I''d like to get to the end of this, if possible." She looks frustrated and anxious, but she reluctantly nods. So, I continue. "Right... So, even knowing the temple was responsible for keeping people in submission and suffering, and slavery for as long as they did... I couldn''t just lock the doors and throw a torch through the window. Because, unlike the guards, they aren''t open about their atrocities with their subordinates.

    "So I did something I really, really didn''t want to do. I went to confession. I was exempt, as a noblewoman, but I went. It''s hard to describe what that experience was like. It was almost better when I couldn''t remember it. The feeling of sitting in the center of a group of people trying to worm their slimy little fingers into my mind was repulsive. It feels like being licked. Like they were crawling under my skin and looking for a comfortable place to burrow in.

    "It was all I could do to identify the priests responsible. I could feel their intent, the will they tried to force into me. It was everything I feared. Paranoia, hatred, and even disgust for all the people I wanted to help. Admiration and love for the people above me. A desire to bend the knee for the Lords and Ladies above me and to trust the temple above all else. They tried to take me away from myself. I had to refuse and play along at the same time.

    "It worked, though. I found them. I burned their faces into my mind in place of the sickness they tried to put there. But they don''t all go to every confession. So I had to go again. And again and again. Each time felt like standing naked in a room full of people laughing and ridiculing every flaw they perceived. Except it was my soul that failed to meet their standards, not my body. But I kept going back until I recognized every single offender, every single time.

    "At that point, there was only one thing left to do. Free the minds of my friends. So I went looking for the priests that had surrounded me and tried to own me. That had done the same to children all over the city. I followed them. I learned when they would be alone and when they would be expected. And one by one, I removed their tentacles from the minds of their victims. It was... grueling. As I said, while I recognize violence as necessary, I don''t enjoy it.

    "I don''t have another option; I want you to understand that. The entire world is built to prevent change. From the country to the individual. There is no hope of rehabilitation, only endings. But priests... priests are hard to end. Divine mages can heal themselves, and their bodies fight injury more than ours do. Depending on their level of ability, it can take quite a bit of effort. So I had to poison them first, then corner them when they were alone. Or I would be dead now and everyone in Satusmor would still have a mind rapist in their heads.

    "Nevertheless, it was... a lot. It was slow and... hard to stomach. It makes me sick just to think about it. But... it worked. Not at first. There were too many of them, and they had done this too many times to too many people. But once every priest that ever controlled a person was gone, they had their minds back. They were in charge of their own actions and emotions again. Once I had removed enough, a lot of people changed. Not as much as you might think, but enough.

    "The priests were subtle. Their long-term control mostly only extended to what they perceived as potential dangers. Dangers to them or to the kingdom. People only grew suspicious and violent with each other once they had stopped relying on both. Anything else they did? That was still all them. But with enough divine mages gone, that last step became possible again. People were willing to work together. Without mind control, the idea of sharing extra food and getting extra help started to look attractive again.

    ''But, of course, a lot of the damage was done. The control was gone but the memories weren''t. People still remembered every farmer who let food rot while they starved. They still remembered every friend that turned on them and every cruel word they lashed out with. The division was there, it wasn''t easy to heal. I couldn''t have what I almost had before, but some small communities still managed to emerge. Small groups of people who had a taste of a better life, and wanted to give it another shot.

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    "They are the ones that gave me hope for Satusmor. The ones who distribute food when the guards aren''t looking and share their homes or shelter women hiding from their guardians. It wasn''t enough. Not to survive long term. Not in a world built to make that type of life impossible. But it existed, and to my knowledge, still does. Things were quieting down when I left Satusmor. I failed there. I rushed things. I didn''t have enough help. I didn''t take the reach of the temple into account. And people got hurt. But it doesn''t have to be that way.

    "I''m only telling you this because I want to be completely upfront. I want you to understand what I have done and why, even the things that look... less than honorable from the outside. And because I want you to understand the lengths I will go to not just to help the victims of this country, but to make sure I am only doing what is necessary. I won''t be tearing through the houses of nobles and executing anyone I see. And I won''t stand by while anyone else does.

    "Even though they benefit from the state of commoners, they didn''t choose to be born a noble. Even though the temple is responsible for violating so many people, I understand individual priests don''t know this. And the guards... well the more I investigate them the more it seems like complicity in slavery is universal. But I am putting effort into confirming that. All this to say, as long as I can help it, innocent people are safe. I am not targeting your parents or anyone else like them.

    "At the same time, all of the violence you are afraid of? It''s already happening every single day. This country wades through fresh blood with every step it takes. It''s so thick in the air I can hardly breathe. It''s how the common people are controlled, and it''s how we force people to serve us and clean our mansions. I intend to end that, but I don''t control everyone. I can organize people, or I can try, and I can try to show them a better way of doing things. But not everyone will listen.

    "That''s what I was trying to tell you, before. Things aren''t safe. Not for most people. Most people are living one mistake away from starvation, homelessness, and death. Many others are trying to survive after that mistake. They can be turned into a slave, killed, or beaten on a whim. The world is everything you are afraid of it becoming, and it always has been. It just looks peaceful because you were born into a group that is protected by it. At the end of the day, it does keep a small portion of the population safe, just at the expense of the rest.

    "And yeah. Removing this system is going to take that protection away. And for people who have lived with it their entire lives, that is terrifying. And I haven''t known you that long, but I don''t think you are the kind of person who wants to feel safe by maintaining that constant state of violence and fear over everyone else."

    I finally pause, giving Autumn a minute to process everything I have said. She does look conflicted, but she isn''t crying into her arms this time. "And... that''s everything that happened?" she finally asks.

    "No. That''s... a quick overview, but it''s not everything. I lost people. I saw them get hurt because of my mistakes. Because of my failures. I really don''t want to talk about the specifics of what happened to them, but I will. If you need me to," I allow. And I would. Eventually, I should. These realities deserve to exist outside of my nightmares. But... I will always want one more day where I don''t have to say it out loud.

    She doesn''t speak for a long time, and we just sit next to each other on my bed. Eventually, she sniffs and stands up. "Well, Lillith. That''s... a lot. But thank you for telling me. I don''t really know how to respond right away. But... you said you wanted to do better. Can I just ask one question?" she asks.

    I nod, "Sure, if you aren''t tired of my voice," I reply, trying to hide the tension in my shoulders.

    "You said you want to do better," she begins, "which means you are going to try again. You probably already are, somehow. So, the way you are doing things this time. Will we be safe? August and I, and the people around us?"

    I look at her for a moment, trying to decide how to answer. She doesn''t break eye contact, silently insisting on a response. "I know what my mistakes were. I won''t repeat them. I am being more careful. And I am getting help. And I am moving more slowly. For the next couple of years at least, you will be as safe as ever. Things won''t look like they did in Satusmor... but... This has to end, Autumn. It can''t go on. It just can''t. And ending it won''t be bloodless." I see the worry starting to paint her face so I hold up a hand.

    "But," I add, "I have a safe place. I can keep anyone you need safe when that time comes. Just say the word." At this, I see a thousand pounds lift from her shoulders.

    "You promise?" She asks again and I hold out a pinky, which she raises an eyebrow at.

    "Sorry, you grab my pinky with yours. It''s the most sacred kind of promise," I chuckle through an awkward smile. And just like that, the tension breaks and she finally laughs. It sounds like music and my heart grows lighter. Then, just as I think things can start to get better, I see a new expression on her face and my mood dampens again.

    "Lillith, there is something that I..." she trails off and then another thought occurs to her. "Wait, what were the recent revelations about the temple?" she asks. Oh right. The kids. Peter had confessed his actual affiliation with the church to Sarafyna, and it made bile rise in my throat. And... she had gone to help his friends last night. And... I was supposed to meet up with them. Fuck.

    "Shit, I am sorry Autumn, you just reminded me of something urgent I have to do. Can you hang out here for now?" I ask and she tilts her head.

    "Hang out? What does that-" she starts and I cut her off.

    "Sorry, no time to explain. Just... stay here. Get to know my mom. I really need to go," I explain as fast as I can while rapidly changing into my more practical clothes. A moment later and I am out the door, rushing to get to Sarafyna.

 Chapter 39 - The Safe House

    I rush to our agreed-on meeting place, but I have little hope I''ll find her there. I was supposed to be there fucking yesterday, and she would have had a group of children with her. She would have had to take them back on her own. Without me to watch everyone''s back, that wouldn''t be impossible but it would be extremely difficult. I know I missed it because I had to fight a much more powerful mage, but even so. I had just been talking about wanting to do better.

    Yet I literally forgot about a bunch of abused children who need my help. If ever there was evidence that Sara and I can''t do this alone, this is it. I curse as I ride in the wagon I have rented for the purpose. The driver is going as fast as he can but the roads are still too busy for me to move freely and without attracting attention. The ride feels like it takes weeks, but I am just impatient. Finally, we pull up to the corner I directed the driver to, and I rush off, flipping him a large coin as a tip.

    Then, I move as quickly as I can without everyone seeing me. Unfortunately, I am already a woman dressed in pants and leather armor. Running about with magic spells would basically be crying out to the world that something suspicious was up. I don''t know how much they know about me. As far as Margaret, the chatty girl from my math class, knows they don''t know much aside from my preferred targets and that I leave garlic when I kill. I haven''t left any targets alive, but not every servant has wanted to come with me. They could easily have a description of my clothes.

    So I move through the alleys, using illusory walls when I have to pass busy roads. This is an extremely high risk. If someone passes through one, all sorts of alarm bells will go off. My illusions duplicate existing light, I can''t make unique images. So when the wall goes up, it may look, to anyone paying attention, that the people in the road suddenly got slightly closer to them. Most will dismiss the discrepancy as a trick of the eyes, but I nevertheless have to move quickly when I use them.

    With this, I manage to arrive at a humble house just outside the temple. I bought this house under a false name and was planning to rendevous with Sara once we were both done with our tasks. It is close enough to the temple that Sara should have been able to move the kids here without being spotted if they were quick. They wouldn''t have had to move in the open for very long at all. It''s also small enough that no one would think to search it for such a large group of people.

    It''s one of several similar safe houses I''ve set up around the city, and if they are still waiting for me, they are in the basement I excavated with earth mana. I rush inside and down the hidden hatch. Sara is not there, and neither is anyone else. I search for signs of them, but find nothing. As far as I can tell, Sara never came here in the first place. Considering the hatch above was closed and covered, if she did come here, she left the same way she came in. That would be extremely odd.

    As I am looking around I hear faint voices. No one should be here and my hackles immediately rise. Using sound mana, I use a similar trick to my illusory walls and duplicate the sound above me. This way, I can hear the conversation without sticking my head out. "Did you say she went in here?" a man says and my heart sinks.

    "It looked like it. Just a little while ago. Do you think she has something to do with..." a second man responds and I narrow my eyes.

    "A suspicious woman in men''s clothes, skulking about an abandoned... shack like this the night after a high priest is murdered? Yeah, I think she has something to do with it. Are you some kind of idiot?" the first man sneers.

    "S-should we go in?" his friend asks, nerves clear in his voice. I look up at the uncovered hatch, and then to the center of the basement where the most dangerous secret I have sits. I can''t allow them to find this place. It would ruin everything. But, they are priests. Hard to deal with, especially if they haven''t been dosed with my blood poison yet. I feel the roof of my mouth with my tongue. The fangs aren''t ready yet, but... they are close. If I focus all of my mana on this one change, while I am here in this house, I might have a chance.

    Instead of climbing the rope ladder I have in place, I leap up out of the hatch and close it, using a sound bubble to hide the clang as it slams shut. Then, I cover it with a rug and sit down to focus. Up here, I don''t need a spell to hear the voices. It''s a small building and they are just outside. "No, we should ignore it and go about our merry way," the more abrasive man retorts, "of course we should go inside! Do you want to report to Medici that we found a suspect and ran away?"

    "N-No, it''s just that..." the timid man trails off, "you didn''t see the body. Whatever did that... it''s not human. I just... I don''t want to go like that..." I keep one ear on the conversation as I focus. I focus every ounce of my mana to manipulate the makeup of my body. I am just a breath away from finishing my fangs, and I need them now. I grit my teeth. Typically, I can''t feel the changes I make. Rushing it like this, however, is a different story. Even though I have very little left to do, the pain is excruciating. I audibly growl as I force the mana through my veins, trying to put those last pieces in place.

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    "Oh just shut up," the abrasive man rebukes, "you''ll be fine. I want to find this killer and show them who they are fucking with." At that, the door swings open. I open my eyes and see both priests enter, the larger of them practically being dragged by the smaller one. There is an awkward moment as we all stare at each other, and sweat rolls down my forehead as I try to complete the venom. For a brief moment, I wonder if I can talk my way out of it. These could just be regular priests after all, and I wouldn''t be the first woman in town to walk around in pants. They would consider it weird, sinful even, but as a noblewoman, I would probably get away.

    I quickly dismiss the idea. If they have a description of the killer in the rumors, they''ll never let me talk my way out of it, and I''m wearing a mask with magical darkness surrounding my face. I either show my face and hope they don''t think it''s weird, or I handle this now. It sounds like Sara had to kill one of them last night as well, which is not ideal, and probably ruins any chances of explaining my behavior away. If they aren''t divine mages, however, I might be able to run. They have an aura, so they are mages, but it''s only the divine magic I am worried about.

    This worry is shortly dismissed as I feel the familiar discomfort of having too much blood drawn. At least one of them is using divine magic on me. I growl at the violation and glare at them, allowing the red of my eyes to pass through the light barrier in my hood. This is primarily a scare tactic, and it works. They each have a varying level of horror on their faces before I leap from my spot and throw my shoulder into the smaller man. This isn''t typically the choice I would make but since the larger man is clearly also the larger coward, it seems like the thing to do.

    I hold back enough to leave him alive but he flies into the wall and I hear a crack. I then turn to the side and swing a fist at the remaining priest. He is still terrified but he raises his arm in time. It snaps as my punch makes contact and he is immediately knocked from his feet. I have to rely on physical attacks while my mana is all focused on my fangs, but I still have the advantage. Then, while both priests are down, I make one last push and, just like that, everything clicks into place. My fangs, and their venom, are complete.

    I examine both priests as they recover. As I feared, both of them are rapidly healing. Two divine mages. Well, it''s too late for them now. I throw a sound bubble around the building with my now useable mana. I feel the slithering of their divine magic continue to assault me, but I throw it off easily enough. The smaller man''s eyes widen as he stands. "Demon!" he yells and the larger man actually yelps, like a kicked dog. Both begin to form spells I recognize and I immediately move to the more dangerous of the two, forming a spell behind me as I do.

    Elemental magic is the most common as it is the easiest to understand. The smaller priest is forming a stone dome around himself as the larger priest begins to throw fire at both of us. It''s not a terrible plan, blocking me in and protecting the priest I am fighting while roasting the entire area with fire. But it is far too late. I use a thin vacuum to disperse the fire behind me, creating a wall of flames between their caster and me. It also obstructs his view and allows me to deal with his friend.

    With the steel in my gloves and my current strength, I swing a fist and crack the stone dome in front of me. I tilt my head, surprised it withstood the hit, then punch a second time. It shatters and I use the same hand to grab the hiding priest''s throat. He is already completely healed, but not for long. I pull him toward me, grab one of his arms, and bite. My brand-new fangs tear right through his robe and into his flesh. As I pull my face away I immediately see the effects. His divine magic can''t keep up.

    His eyes bulge and his arms slump. If I weren''t holding his throat, he would be vomiting. Without his healing, I no longer have to worry at all. I bring my other hand to his head and snap his neck. Then, I throw his corpse through the wall of fire and into the other priest. The fire immediately stops as my other opponent screams and falls backward, scrambling to throw his friend''s body off of him.

    By the time he succeeds, I am already on him, my fangs tearing into his neck. As I stand, I can see the yellow-purple discoloration around the puncture wounds and he stares up at me, holding his hand to the wound. His healing has stopped too. I see the veins in his face bulge and his eyes grow bloodshot, when he vomits all over himself. Rather than leaving him to what will clearly be a miserable death, I use force mana to snap his neck as well. Then I gasp and let myself fall on my ass.

    I need a fucking break. But first I need to clean this up and find out what happened from Sara. I pull the two bodies into the basement where disposal will be easy. It still takes me nearly an hour to clean everything up. Anyone investigating this house, which the larger priest may have told more people about, will do more than raise an eyebrow at all the scorch marks and whatnot. The anxiety eats at me while I clean, but eventually, I am done and can go to Sarafyna outside the gates.

    This time, worries aside, I move slowly and deliberately. That whole fight was just the result of another failure. I have to keep calm and move when it''s safe. If she wasn''t here with the kids, then she must have gone back to her cave with Peter. I take a deep breath. It''s alright, I''ll find her there. When I am finally calm again, I depart, making sure there are no other witnesses as I make my way to the city gates.

 Chapter 40 - What is a Monster

    It was long past nightfall by the time I made it to Sarafyna and Peter. Rushing had only put everything I had done in danger, and moving slowly enough to avoid notice took even longer than waiting for nightfall. I mentally kick myself for running out the door like I had. I may have avoided the fight at the safe house and prevented a potential loose end if I had just worn a fucking dress and walked there. I feel like I have been doing nothing but screwing up lately, and it''s eating at me.

    I don''t have time to worry about that, however, as I need to find out what happened. Based on the overheard conversation, things may have taken a worse turn than my failure to show up. God, I hope that''s not my fault. As I approach the cave mouth, Peter jumps and scrambles to his feet until he sees me. Then, he relaxes, slumps, and returns to his seat on a log. He returns to drawing in the dirt with a stick. "You took so long, why even bother coming now," he complains and I wince.

    "I know. I''m sorry. I''ve had a..." I begin before shaking my head to myself. The kid doesn''t need to know why. He just needs me to acknowledge I messed up. "It was wrong of me to be so late. Are you okay?" I ask instead and he turns his head away from me.

    "I''m fine," he insists, "It''s Sara you need to worry about." I feel panic setting in but I push it to the back of my mind. This kid doesn''t need me freaking him out more than he already is. If she were injured or dead, he probably wouldn''t just be drawing pictures in the dirt. He''s a child but he does care about her. Of course, if she is missing, that could be exactly what he would do. There aren''t many things he can do if both of us stop showing up someday. That is... more than an oversight. I mentally add it to my list of fuck-ups and forge on.

    "Yeah?" I ask, crouching down next to him and trying to make eye contact, but he turns away from me. "Is Sara alright? Can you tell me what happened?" I ask as gently as I can, fighting off the adrenaline still flowing through my veins. He just crosses his arms, still refusing to face me.

    "You''ll have to ask her," he pouts, "she won''t tell me anything." I can feel he is upset, and I want to comfort him, but I have to refrain from responding for a moment. The relief at hearing she is safe and just refusing to talk is palpable, and I will be unable to keep it from my voice if I speak right away.

    After a deep breath, I finally respond. "Alright. I''ll talk to her if you like. Is she here?" I ask. He just nods his head once in the direction of the cave instead of answering. I have to restrain myself from leaving right away, but he is clearly distressed. "Thank you. And Pete?" I say, waiting for him to look over his shoulder a bit. "Thanks for looking after her for me. I''d love to talk to you after I check on her, if that''s alright."

    He just shrugs, looking even more dejected than before. "Yeah, okay," he agrees. I give him one last look of concern before turning toward the cave. He''s obviously not alright, but I need to find out exactly what happened before I can talk to him. Trying not to rush and spook him, I turn and approach the cave. As my eyes struggle to adjust, I make a mental note to alter them for this type of environment. Now that my fangs are done, I need to deliberate over my next changes anyway.

    In the meantime, I use a light spell to light my way and, immediately reveal Sarafyna. She is curled up in the corner. Her dress is shredded on one side and there is splattered blood on it. When she doesn''t react to the light I run to her side, running my hand along her arm to check for wounds. "Sara, what happened?" I ask, my panic back in full force. Whatever happened wasn''t good, and I need to help her.

    Not just because she is so important to... well everything. My whole plan relies on her, yeah, but I have also grown quite fond of her. I''ve even continued to keep my mask on around her so she can''t discern my physical age for... reasons. The fact of the matter is, I have put way too much on her. I should have gone last night, not her. Once I met her and connected with her so quickly, a million revisions to my initial plans became possible. I got excited and forgot; she is a traumatized woman struggling just to feel normal again.

    I need more help, not just for my sake, but for hers. She looks up at me for a moment and practically throws her arms around me. "Lily, I''m sorry! I messed up! I know I didn''t meet you... I was just... I just..." she starts and I just squeeze her tighter.

    "It''s alright, Sara. I didn''t make it either. I messed up too. Are you okay? Is this your blood?" I reassure while trying to discern what happened. She shakes her head into my shoulder at the last question and pulls away before wiping her nose on her one intact sleeve.

    "I''m sorry," she says again, "it was... that priest. I don''t know what happened, I just... couldn''t think. And I... I..." she trails off and I put my hand on her shoulder, which makes her wince at first, but then relax.

    "Start at the beginning," I instruct, "and take your time. Tell me everything." So, she takes a deep breath and does exactly that. She stumbles a lot and even apologizes for visiting her family home. I have to reassure her that she definitely did nothing wrong there. She should feel free to revisit whatever she wants. It doesn''t matter how far out of the way it was. The rest of the story has its ups and downs.

    I am actually relieved to hear she didn''t try moving the kids on her own. That would have been more dangerous than leaving them where they are. But that''s just luck, for both of us. There is no mistake that this plan went horribly wrong on both ends. When she tells me who the priest she killed was, I immediately understand what happened, but I let her finish the story anyway. I fail to hide my grimace as she describes the way she killed the priest. Slowly and deliberately. Fortunately, her gaze is fixed firmly on her feet and I manage to suppress it before she sees.

    When she is done with her story, I just sit down next to her and think for a moment. The cave is quiet as we both stare forward, reflecting on the different ways this is our fault. It takes me some time to decide what to say, and I can practically feel Sarafyna coming to the wrong conclusion about why, so I finally speak up. "You know, a lot of people think I am a monster too. I hear rumors about things I''ve done and I watch the disgust and fear it inspires," I begin but she is shaking her head in frustration before I finish.

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    "I have seen the result of what you do, Lily. It''s just not the same thing," she dismisses and I nod.

    "No. But to children who lost their family, having a good reason and whether or not their parents deserved it isn''t really at the forefront of their considerations. But that''s not the point. The point is that, sometimes, I feel like maybe they are right. I get trapped in my own head and I wonder. It''s an easy trap to fall into," I offer but she gives me a pained look.

    "I chewed a man up, still living. I killed him as slowly and painfully as I could," she responds, the comparison clear enough without her actually making it. I wince, but she is right. My first approach is clearly not going to work, so I run through my head trying to change tracks. I could tell her that technically, what she did might have been easiest on him. He had divine mana; killing him was going to be slow and painful regardless. Causing the pain upfront might have incentivized him to stop fighting it so it ended more quickly.

    But... that wouldn''t make me feel any better in her shoes. Her intent wasn''t to speed things up. I could point out that I have also killed people more slowly than I necessarily needed to in the past but... that''ll just hit the same roadblock as my first idea. I let a long breath out through my nose before speaking again. "Yeah. I can''t tell you that what you did was right. At least, not the way you did it. But I can still say, you aren''t a monster," I begin and she gives me a skeptical look.

    "I am, though. I can''t get his screams out of my head. Who but a monster could do that to another human being? And I left all those kids there!" she challenges and I lean back, looking toward the light at the entrance of the cave.

    "That man dragged you away from your family and future. He listened to your father''s desperate screams and your weeping as he pulled you away from anything resembling a life. He threw you, literally, into an unending nightmare to be tortured, for years. And what did he remember about you? The very same thing that inspired him to hurt you in the first place. His failure to control you," I say, and she looks in the same direction I am.

    "So what, that makes torturing him to death okay?" she retorts, "Well it''s not okay with me. And it''s not okay with the children I left behind."

    "No," I respond, "it makes killing him okay, and it makes... the rest understandable. But you are missing the point. What he did to you, and likely others, was try to inflict an eternity of torture. Or at least a few decades, I haven''t worked the purpose for it out yet. But he did it to an innocent girl, and he didn''t even think about it. He enjoyed his position and forgot about you. You lashed out in rage at your abuser. He abandoned a child to torment for his own comfort. You are sobbing in a cave because of what you did. He was enjoying a life of wealth and power because of what he did. So, Sara, who do you think looks like a monster to me?"

    She just bit her lip, but she didn''t have a retort this time. So I continued. "You are a victim of a group of monsters. Every bit of rage and fury you feel when you see them is justified. The desire to kill them isn''t just okay, it''s necessary. The fact that you hate how you did it is good. I''m not telling you to stop feeling guilty about it. Instead, remember how guilty you feel. Don''t forget the result of doing things the way you did them, and carry it with you. And, if you can''t face the other priests without doing the same? Lean on me. I am here for you, Sara," I promise and she starts crying again.

    "It''s just... Lillith, that''s the problem. Part of me is still glad I did it that way! Part of me wants to do it again, and I don''t know how to separate that from the rest of myself!" she sobs and I drape my arm over her shoulders, pulling her into me.

    "I know. And you know what? Part of me is glad you did too. And part of me regrets ending some people too quickly. Because, at the end of the day, there is nothing more human than wanting the people who hurt you to hurt just as badly. You don''t feel that way because you are a monster; you are just like the rest of us. And the kids? They are as much a victim of my fuck-up as yours. I didn''t show up. You never could have got them out. We both will have to do better for them." I respond and she leans into my shoulder. "Besides," I add in a more light-hearted tone, "I literally bit two divine priests on the way over here. I''m pretty sure it''s just a gut reaction they inspire."

    She actually lets out a little laugh at that, sniffles, and then laughs more. Not because it was impossibly funny, but because once she managed to get the first one out, she was desperate not to stop. So I let her laugh at the dumb joke until she calms down. After a while, she finally pulls herself away from me. "Thanks, Lily," she says, "It''s not enough. I can''t just brush off what happened. But it helped get me out of my head. I can''t say I completely agree with you. I don''t know if I ever will, but... it''s not nothing."

    I suppose that''s as much as I can ask for. I can give a good speech but it''s not going to wipe guilt and trauma away. I''ll take the laugh as my victory for now. Then, I remember Peter, and I put together what is bothering him. "You may want to talk to Pete," I say and she looks over at me, confused, so I elaborate. "You came back in a torn, bloody dress, clearly upset. You did this after leaving to save people he asked you to save. He is holding it in. Trying not to act scared, or guilty, but he probably feels both. As far as he knows he got you hurt and his friends killed. He needs to know that''s not true," I explain and she puts her hand over her mouth as her eyes widen.

    "Oh by the Collector, I''m an idiot. Poor Pete!" she exclaims, and I quickly pull her into another hug to stop her from panicking too much.

    "It''s alright. We are all struggling. He''s a strong kid, he just needs to know the people he cares about are safe," I assure her and she nods, pulling away and rushing to the entrance. After only walking a few feet, she turns around and looks at me.

    "I don''t suppose..." she begins, playing awkwardly with her thumb, "I don''t suppose you''ll stay with us, for the night? It''s just... I don''t want us to be alone tonight..."

    I give her a warm smile, and I want to agree, but... I can''t. "I''m sorry. I would love to. But... well, I have to keep Autumn safe. She was-" I begin and she cuts me off.

    "We''ll go get her, she''ll be safe with both of us," she insists without waiting for an explanation, and I nod my head once in consent.

    "Well, we can ask," I agree and Sara rewards me with a gentle smile.

    "Thank you, Lily," she whispers before turning and going out to talk to Peter. I can tell she is still feeling sick with guilt, but she has just a little bit of joy tinting the emotion. I lean back against the cave wall and sigh as I wait for her to have her own talk. For just a few minutes, I can sit in the quiet cave and take a breath. This moment of quiet is... everything.

 Chapter 41 - Doubts, Practice, and Hell

    Autumn

    I wake up earlier than usual. It''s not the low quality of the beds in Lillith''s room, I slept fine when we were traveling. It''s just... everything feels wrong. I don''t really know what to do. I look over at Sarafyna on Lillith''s bed and Lillith on the floor and raise an eyebrow. Is she seriously sleeping with that mask on? Why? Does she do that every night? I look at her for a moment before shaking my head and adding it to my mental list of oddities about her. Right next to the absolute nonsense she sometimes says as if she were telling an inside joke, but where she is the only one inside.

    I can''t figure her out. Sometimes, she seems so much older than me. She can feel smarter than anyone I have ever met, always considering every angle and planning out what she needs to do next for her grand plan for the country. I came here only worried about passing my classes. Then, there are times like last night. When she showed up with Sarafyna, explaining that she didn''t want to leave her alone but also wanted to protect me. They tried to drag me out to some cave so she could be there for both of us and... neither one of them considered Sara just sleeping here for the night. Where there are actually beds.

    I understand that Sara is self-conscious about living in the city. I... sort of understand that practicing her upsetting... magic isn''t safe here. But Lillith surpassed my lifetime of tutoring in math in a week. She should have thought of this obvious solution. With the single-minded focus that girl has, I don''t understand how she remembers to show up to class, much less learn years of arithmetic in a week. I sigh as I get dressed. At least Peter is finally in a suitable place. I don''t know what she was thinking leaving him outside the city.

    That''s what really confuses me. One day, it sounds like she is ready to burn the country and every noble in it. The next, she fights with everything she has and lets herself get hurt trying to save me. Then somehow, after saying more or less the same thing, what sounded like organizing an army suddenly sounds like some kind of, charity that makes the church angry? I was so scared, and now it feels like I was worried over nothing.

    But which was the right response? The first time, I went for help and nothing happened. Then, I wrote a letter to warn my parents, and some... assassin showed up with it, burned it in front of me, and demanded to know who else I had warned. I thought Lord Godfrey and Lillith must be working together until she showed up and fought like a demon to keep me alive. The next day, I realized it didn''t make any sense anyway. I''m not important. I don''t matter. Why would a Duke send an assassin? He could just order me to tell him what I''d done.

    One thing is clear, however. Whatever Lillith is planning, whether it''s dangerous or not, no one is going to help me. So I need to stay close to her and hope she is as benevolent as she claims to be. It''s fairly hard to believe, but the emotion she was barely containing did feel real earlier. And I don''t think she staged that fight. She could have died when that splinter stabbed her side. I bite my thumbnail as I shamble down the stairs. She is also trying to protect me now in case I am attacked again. I just don''t know what to do.

    In the moment, I almost told her I went to Godfrey earlier but... I''m not so sure I should. What if I had it right the first time? If I can''t get help and it turns out she is going to do something to hurt my parents, or August... who will stop her if not me? And if she is helping people like she says... well the Duke didn''t do anything to her. He is known to sympathize with commoners, maybe that''s evidence she really does have good intentions. But if I do tell her I tried to stop her, what will she do? Best case, she wants to help people and she stops trusting me. Worst case, she is dangerous, and she... well then there would be no one to do anything to stop her.

    So I can''t tell her what I did. If I want the most people to be as safe as possible... if I want to guarantee the fewest people get hurt... I just can''t. I like Lillith. I really want to trust her. She clearly cares about me and doesn''t want me hurt. Whatever she wants to do, it''s obvious she truly believes it is necessary. It''s obvious she believes it will help people, and she definitely cares. But... that doesn''t mean she is right. I hope she is, and I hope what she wants to do isn''t as... violent as it sounds sometimes. But I can''t take that risk. It''s not just about me.

    As I reach the dining area I see her brother, Henry eating a bowl of grits alone. I immediately blush and start smoothing my hair down. There is perhaps another, more selfish reason I don''t want this family to hate me. But... that doesn''t change the reality. Part of me still wishes August and I had just left earlier but... I suppose I still would have met Lillith in the dorms. Still, everything is suddenly so complicated and I just don''t know what to do. So, I sit down and greet Henry. At the moment, it''s all I can do.

    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    Once Autumn leaves, I stop pretending to be asleep and sit up. If the last couple of days have taught me anything, it''s that I really need to figure out this radar spell. It has been on my to-do list for actual years now, and I have always postponed figuring it out in favor of more important tasks. So, when there was an attacker in Autumn''s room, or priests watching me enter a safe house, I had no idea. It was time to stop delaying and figure it out.

    It shouldn''t have been that difficult to do if I had focused on it from the beginning. This becomes apparent barely an hour into practice. Using an Idea I had toyed with before but hadn''t quite sorted, I can get halfway there. Well, sort of. I can send the radio waves out and create a light barrier directly in front of my eyes that intercepts them and sends visible light in their place. This allows me to see people through walls easily enough. Well, sort of. I can see if there is someone on the other side anyway.

    This method had mostly failed in the past due to the amount of control required. I need to cast a light spell at a specific frequency that emits light but doesn''t travel with it. My mana isn''t always invisible and I don''t need a beacon advertising my location. It''s the same reason illusions can be obvious to other mages and I mostly use them against mundane guards. In hindsight, it''s probably how I got caught at the temple safehouse. Simultaneously, I need to cast a spell that intercepts the exact same frequency and copies its direction perfectly in another, visible frequency.

    I had been practicing this bit a lot over the years, and it wasn''t long before I was back to my peak proficiency with it. Interestingly, mana and light stop at the same places, but blocking one doesn''t block the other. In other words, mana will bounce off a wall just like light and you can''t see it through solid objects. But in a room where I block off all light, I can see mana. Similarly, mana that creates light that passes through physical objects won''t be visible on the other side. So if I emit the radio waves from within my dress or armor, no one will know I am casting the spell.

    If I had been using it habitually over the years, this combination would have helped at least with Autumn. But it is distracting when used this way, and takes a lot of focus, so I haven''t been keeping it up. As such, when I do practice, it takes time just to get back to my ability the last time I had done it. It''ll be annoying, but I''ll have to keep it up this time. While I do, I need to figure out a way to give me three-hundred-sixty-degree sight.

    I also have to tweak my chosen frequency a bit. I need one that passes through physical objects but not people. I basically need it to bounce off of salt water but not wood, which isn''t too difficult but takes a bit of trial and error, since I am basically forcing a mental image of the frequency I want. All this to say, it takes a lot of work but I can''t keep putting it off. I need to figure it out now.

    So I keep practicing and experimenting until Sarafyna sits up and looks at me blearily.

    "Good morning," I greet, trying to maintain my spells while talking.

    Still half awake, she tilts her head at me. "Do you ever take that off?" she asks, sounding genuinely concerned. I look down at my nightgown.

    "Excuse me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her. That''s an... odd question to ask me first thing in the morning.

    "Your mask, did you sleep in it?" she clarifies and my hand goes up to my face. Oh, right, that was a super weird thing to do.

    "Uh, this is my face," I quip, trying to sound as insulted as I can "and I am extremely offended by the question." She lets out a polite laugh through her nose before looking around to get her bearings. "How are you feeling?" I ask and she looks back at me.

    "I don''t know," she answers quietly. "It was nice, sleeping in a place like this again. But... part of me still feels like I am back there. In hell. And part of me still wonders if I belong there," she adds after a moment and I nod in understanding.

    "Give it time, Sara," I respond. "I can''t promise that feeling will ever go away, but I can promise you that you are helping people. There are already dozens of people whose lives would be their own hell without your help. Someday, you''ll be living in a new world you helped create. And that''s not nothing."

    She gives me a half-hearted smile at this but doesn''t respond. I can''t blame her. A chat, a hug, and a comfortable bed are all healing things, but they aren''t magic. Not that magic will help her either. I suppose that metaphor doesn''t age well between realities. Or dimensions, or planets, I guess. I don''t really know how the world I am in relates to Earth. That thought causes a little itch on my brain and I put my hand over my mouth and chin to consider why.

    I had wondered about this before but there is literally no way to investigate it I could ever think of. But for some reason, it feels like I am missing a clue about it this time. "Hey Sara," I ask after a moment, "did you say you felt like you were back in hell?" I ask and she looks up from her own contemplations. She had definitely used the English word.

    "Um, yes?" She responds, concern passing through her eyes.

    "Did you hear that from me?" I ask and confusion paints her face.

    She speaks slowly at first when she responds, "I''m sorry, I thought you heard it from me. That''s what... it called itself. The Radiant Woods. It told me I was in hell. Why, where did you hear it?"

 Chapter 42 - What the Hell?

    "Are you sure that''s what it said?" I ask again, "It said hell?"

    Sara contorts her face in confusion and answers, "Yes, I couldn''t forget it if I wanted to. I don''t understand, what does it mean?" I bite my thumb, trying to figure that out myself. Not what the word means, I''ve worked retail and am fairly familiar, but what it means that the Radiant Woods used it.

    "Just, sort of... like the Third Plane but... hotter, I guess? If Dante is to be believed, it''s like the Third Plane with nine planes of its own. So hot and layered, like a torment lasagna," I chuckle awkwardly and she just... stares at me. "Sorry, this is what I''m like when I get comfortable around someone. Just get used to the gibberish, it''s... probably not going to stop," I explain and she gives me a sort of amused furrowed brow.

    "So it''s just another word for the third plane, one I haven''t heard?" She asks and I shake my head.

    "No. Well, maybe actually. I guess the two could be the same place, but it just doesn''t... feel that way. That''s not what matters though. What matters is where it comes from. It''s a word from an entirely different language," I ramble and her confusion only grows.

    "I''ve heard that some people use other languages, but I''ve never heard one. Is it from some isolated city?" she guesses as I start chewing on my thumbnail while thinking through it.

    "Well, sort of. But... nowhere that should be involved in, well, anything here. No one but me should know it," I absent-mindedly explain. I was already forming theories based on this. My first thought was the forest was related to someone else like me. I hadn''t been hit by a truck, or summoned in a circle to fight the demon king. I also hadn''t replaced a dead person. I was born here. I didn''t retain my past memories; something awakened them when I was seven.

    That being said, I was always me. I had no doubt in my mind that the Lillith who existed without Annie''s memories was me. That means it''s entirely possible everyone in this world had a past life on Earth. Or even a past life in some other world, and I was just lucky enough to remember mine. It wouldn''t be that strange for another person to have the same experience. How they got from there to a hell forest is an entirely different question, but it was possible.

    This did lead me to other theories, however. I am proof positive that reincarnation exists. Which supports my first theory, but also suggests... a lot about the universe. I''m not sure if the Collector is an actual god or just a prick with too much power, but either my mind somehow persists across realities, or planets, or wherever I am in relation to the earth, or the soul is an actual, existing concept. If I can''t dismiss the idea of the soul, I can''t dismiss the idea of a deity existing. I don''t know about a creator or whatever, but a powerful entity that is aware of multiple realities or worlds isn''t impossible.

    In other words, the Collector might actually be a god. In which case, it wouldn''t be strange for him to know about Earth. These aren''t the only theories. I don''t know for sure that I am in a new world. My history and religious classes have largely been propaganda with little useful education, but one thing did stick with me from them. The history of Potestia and the history of the Collector''s church start at the same time. Before them? There is no history. So an entire organized country and religion popped up out of nowhere. It''s not a well-organized country, but I am growing more convinced that is by design.

    In other words, this could be Earth in the far future for all I know. The constellations I know are missing, but given enough time, they would. I think I read that in an article once anyway. I had only seen maps of the country, and they don''t even reach the oceans, assuming there are any. It would also imply reincarnation is just on one planet. The advent of magic would be... an interesting development but for all I know it always existed and we just didn''t know how to use it.

    Basically, it doesn''t actually confirm anything for me. It does, however, give me a lead to track down. And, if it turns out the Collector is a fucking God? Well, I already have more than a few impossible tasks on my list. What difference does it make if I tack deicide on at the end? "Lily, can you hear me?" Sara interrupts and I realize I have been lost in thought for too long.

    "Sorry," I answer while shaking myself out of it, "I went down a bit of a rabbit hole there. What were you saying?"

    "Why would you be the only one that knew a word from another language?" she repeats, and I answer by suddenly standing and clapping my hands together.

    "I''m not so sure about that myself," I announce matter-of-factly, "Let me think about it, and I''ll tell you what I can tonight. First, we have work to do, which might just give us a little more context."

    "Wh-what?" She asks, startled by my sudden energy.

    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

    "I have been led to believe that there are people who need our help underneath the temple. We both fucked up, but that doesn''t mean we can''t help them now, right?" I ask and her face pales.

    "Y-you want me to go back to the temple... n-now?" she splutters and I hold my hand out to her.

    "Don''t worry, I''m not going to ask you to go inside again. I don''t need to. You already learned more or less where they were, right? We just need to start at the safe house and dig our way in. With my earth mana, it''ll be a breeze. Well, not literally. The air will probably be pretty stale, actually. But what do you say? Want to make things right?" I offer.

    "B-but, are you sure it''s safe? Don''t you think you should go without me?" she nervously questions.

    "I have a feeling you are going to feel like shit if you aren''t involved. Besides, you know as well as I do that things will be faster with your help. Besides, you gotta point me in the right direction," I retort and she looks at my hand for a moment. Her eyes are wide and nervous, but after a moment she offers me her own hand and I pull her up off the bed. I can see her steel herself and I smile reassuringly.

    I allow her to get dressed and we head down the stairs together. I raise my eyebrow as I see Autumn and Henry eating together. I take a moment to ask Henry to pass on a message to Mom and Pete when they wake up, which he accepts before returning his attention to the pretty girl I brought home. I roll my eyes, but smile and head down to the basement with Sara. If all goes well, I should be in and out of the temple with little effort. I reprimand the little part of my brain that laughs at the idea of things going well before we set out.

    It isn''t long before we find ourselves in the safehouse. "Can you feel them?" I ask and Sara nervously looks around before closing her eyes and focusing. Marred face or not, the way she wrinkles her nose while focusing is pretty charming, and I just watch in silence as she tries to find them. A little while later they snap open. She catches me looking at her and looks a little startled, but shakes it off.

    "It''s hard to tell. It''s not as clear as when I was in the building. But there are two large collections of divine magic. They are both in that direction," she explains while pointing at one wall.

    I shrug. "Well, if we get closer, will you be able to tell which is them?" I inquire and she bites her own nail.

    "I... think so?" she offers and I give her a blank look. Well, worst-case scenario we can retreat if she can''t.

    "I''ve done more with less," I eventually say, and we get to work. I have a lot of mana to spare at the moment and digging a tunnel toward the temple isn''t difficult work. Sara is clearly nervous and agitated behind me, but she keeps pushing herself. I really do need her, though. I don''t know if bringing her here is a good idea, I am certainly not a qualified therapist, but I believe if she doesn''t help now, she''ll hate herself more. Especially if something does go wrong.

    "Wait," she says after we have moved in the direction she indicated for a while, "It''s that way. There are a lot more priests this time, they are probably on alert after my last visit. But the group in that direction is disorganized, and a lot of them feel... weaker... more scared," she describes and I nod. That way it is.

    I follow her directions, and we are soon mere inches from the group she is describing. I can even hear muffled voices on the other side. With my half-finished radar spell, I can make out a large number of people as well. It''s hard to see how many, as there are a large number of obstructions in the room the radio waves won''t pass through. "Can you tell if they are alone?" I whisper and she responds with silence for a few moments.

    "I... can''t. Sorry. There are two of them that feel stronger but... I''m not sure," she finally replies and I bite my lip in thought.

    "Well, nothing for it. We''ll just have to expect to be attacked. Head back a little bit, I''ll go in first," I say before waiting for her to retreat a bit. I think we both understand that I should be the one to handle potential combatants. Then, I take a deep breath and push the last bit of the wall down. There is an actual brick wall before I make it into the room, but clay is earth, and it doesn''t hold me back for long.

    As I emerge into the dimly lit room, I am met with an unpleasant scene. There are rows of bunk beds packed far too closely together. They have metal frames, which explains the difficulty seeing with my spell. A couple dozen older children gape at me, while all the kids younger than Peter share his former milky, blind eyes. There is exactly one adult priest in the room, sitting on one of the beds and eating a sandwich.

    We stare at each other for a moment, and he forces a large bite of bread and meat down his throat before he can say anything. "W-what are you doing here? H-how did you?" he splutters, awkwardly scrambling to his feet.

    "Would you believe I am lost?" I ask, a hopeful tone coloring my voice and his mouth opens a little. "Yeah, I was worried you might not. Truth is, I''m out for a walk. Do you think any of your friends here might want to join me?"

    At that, I feel the sickly feeling of divine mana trying to wrestle control of my body away from me and groan. I fucking hate that feeling. As quickly as I can, I surround him with heat mana, then use mana to block all the light in the room. All but the radar, that is. No need for trick eggs this time. I''ve already verified my mana is faint here. Not quite invisible but not fully visible either. With his own mana in the room, he''ll have a hell of a time spotting me.

    "D-demon!" he shrieks, but it''s too late. I pepper him with stone bullets, being careful not to hit any of the scrambling children as I move. They tear through him easily, but he heals quickly. Fucking priests. I run through the room in an arc without casting any spells, and just as I see him trying to conjure a light spell, I pounce on him, sinking my fangs deep into his neck. It''s game over from there. With his healing out of commission, I make short work of him. If only every fight could be this easy. Priests rely on their healing too much.

    I then collapse my spell to only cover his body while I wipe his blood from my lips. Now, I have to handle a much greater challenge, as dozens of kids try to decide how to react to me, and I try to decide what to say to them.

 Chapter 43 - Im Not Alone

    "Uh, hi," I awkwardly announce to the scared kids. "I''m here to help!" The ones that can see gape at me and my stupidly raised hand while many of them whisper to each other. I mentally kick myself for charging in here without rehearsing this first. Classic Lillith, charging in ready for a fight but with no idea what to do afterwards. I was a teacher in another life but... those were college students. Business majors aside, I am ill-equipped to comfort children.

    I like them, I do, but they don''t always feel the same way. I had managed fine with the street kids but... this was a bit different. These children weren''t distrusting of everyone because they had been abandoned and ignored. They were likely distrusting of me and others because they hadn''t been abandoned. Their abusers were the ones taking care of them and feeding them. The ones who already had divine magic also had their eyes healed by the people I was here to rescue them from.

    Of course, they had lost it in the first place because of the same people, but... it''s strange how this sort of thing can work. Most of them were too frightened to speak to me at all like Peter had been when we met. One of the oldest boys, maybe thirteen or so, had the courage to do so on behalf of the rest, however. "Help?" he asked, "help how? What just happened?" I winced as I realized I had no good answer for that. ''I killed your last guardian,'' probably wasn''t going to fly, nor was ''Pay no attention to the man behind the conspicuous curtain of darkness, he''s not feeling well,''.

    I tried to give them a reassuring smile but the boy''s furrowed brow and widened eyes indicated I was doing a poor job. Fortunately, another voice saved me and I was able to sigh in relief. "We are friends of Peter," Sarafyna announced as she emerged from the dark tunnel. "He asked us to come here." That''s right, this was Sara''s job originally. She probably actually did consider what to say to them before coming here. I''m very good at raining death down on creeps but this kind of laser focus is exactly why I struggle to organize on my own.

    A few of the children look suspicious, while the younger ones start excitedly whispering to each other. "Peter? He''s alive?" the same boy as earlier asks, disbelief clear in his voice.

    "He is. He''s alive and well. He wanted me to tell you he is happy. He can see, on his own terms. He asked me to tell you, he''s not alone anymore," she answers. It makes sense that Peter sent a message, but the last line doesn''t make much sense. He wouldn''t have been alone before, it looks like all of them are kept together. When she says it, however, there is a palpable change in the atmosphere and the suspicion vanishes from all of their faces. I don''t understand it but... Sara seems to expect it.

    "H-help us, please!" a young boy, one of the blind, cries out after a moment of silence and the floodgates break. Sarafyna is swarmed by hopeful children in moments and I am mostly able to melt into the background. Except the older children, the ones with divine magic, keep their eyes on me.

    "Did you kill him," the same boy as earlier asks. This time, with the awkwardness and suspicion dissipated, I soften myself. I''m not going to get any real loyalty by lying to him, so, after a brief pause, I nod. "Is he behind... that?" he asks and I nod again. He immediately spits into the darkness, then bows to me. "I''m Alfric, a pleasure to meet you. Do you have a way to get us out of here?"

    I grin at him, "I most certainly do, and you are not going to believe it when you see it," I promise. Somehow I know in a moment I can trust them. They haven''t made it to the real programming yet, and they want out of here as much as Peter did.

    "Lead the way," Alfric responds. It takes some time for Sara to calm the younger kids down, but they all seem excited to see Peter again, in more ways than one. None of them seem to notice Sara''s marred flesh, or if they do they don''t seem to care. I appreciate this, and I can tell Sara does too. With this many children, it takes nearly half an hour to get everyone in the tunnel, and another half hour to rebuild the brick wall in a way they won''t notice... immediately. It won''t be a huge deal when they do, as the earth behind it will be perfectly sealed. Nevertheless, I don''t want to make it too obvious.

    Moving back is slow with the group we are traveling with now. I also have to fill the tunnel behind me, which is more work than emptying it. I briefly consider leaving part of it intact but if anyone follows it back to what I have hidden in the safe house everything could go wrong. So I move slowly. As we make our way back, I decide to clarify my confusion from earlier. "That thing about not being alone anymore, what did Peter mean by that?" I call up to Sarafyna, but Alfric is the one who answers.

    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

    "Their... influence weakens once they give us divine magic," he explains, " they can''t control us anymore... at least not the same way. So just controlling our actions until they do doesn''t work. But they use that very flaw to manipulate us. When they bring us here, they get inside our heads. They twist everything and make it all feel wrong. They make us lonely, no matter how many people we are with. They make us hungry no matter what we eat, and tired no matter how much we sleep. But the loneliness is the worst of it," he explains and things start to come together. Priests can''t control other priests with divine magic, but they do need them compliant. This must be one of the ways they ensure that.

    "But they keep you together, so the younger ones will know," I guess and he nods.

    "They keep us together. They won''t feed the younger ones unless we do it, so we don''t run. But they do let us talk to them. They let us tell them that we have our sight back, and the loneliness is gone. They hold them as a stick to punish us with, and they use us as a carrot to tempt them with. If they behave, and do as the priests tell them... they will go to the Radiant Woods. They will get their sight back, and they will be allowed to feel... normal again. They let us stay with them so they can see the carrot is real, and they will work harder to please the priests. A while back, Peter was taken to the woods but..." he trails off and I finish for him.

    "But he never came back," I reply and he nods.

    "He never came back, and neither did the priests who took him. That wasn''t so weird, priests fail to return all the time... but they have always returned when they had one of us with them," he says and I give Sara a meaningful look. "Anyway, when you gave us his message... when he said he wasn''t alone... it was like... he was telling us he found a way to get the carrot without the priests'' help. He was telling the kids they could feel okay again. And he was telling us all in a way only we would understand."

    I get it at that point. It makes sense why that one line suddenly changed everything. But... "The priests would know. What if we were with them," I ask before thinking, immediately regretting giving them a reason to doubt us.

    He doesn''t respond for a breath, but he looks up at me and I see the rage in his eyes. Rage a kid his age should never have to feel. "We all hate them, you know. We despise them. We would do anything to get away from them. But we also know we are valuable to them. So... if this is a trap... it''s just... worth it. But I don''t think it is. They have no reason to. They already own us and... it sounded like something Pete would say," he explains. After that, I allow silence to return for a while.

    When we reach the escape route, the older kid''s eyes grow wide, then Alfric gives me a wide grin as understanding dawns. Not long after that, we have gotten them all to safety. We had left Peter at the tavern with my mom, and many of the kids are disappointed he is missing. They are soon distracted, however, as Sara and I organize the younger kids to be healed. It''s slow, but Sarafyna has gotten good at it. We don''t manage to completely heal anyone''s sight, but many of them clearly feel better once we are done with them. This is honestly a great time to be suspended, as this task is likely to take the full two weeks.

    That evening, an exhausted Sara sits next to me on a log as we finally enjoy a moment of quiet. "Thanks," she says after a few minutes of silence, "You were right. I needed to be there,"

    "No joke," I laugh, "I''d still be there trying to convince them I wasn''t a demon if it weren''t for you. All I thought of was how to get in and get them out. Like a moron, I completely forgot about convincing them that was a good idea." She laughs a little at that, but it''s true. That was another fuck up on my part, and definite evidence of how valuable just one person with a different skillset is to me.

    "Yeah, that was an odd thing to do, but that''s not what I meant," she replies after a while. I think for a moment that is all she has to say, as she doesn''t follow it up. Just as I am going to answer her, she finally speaks again. "I do feel better. What we did today... it was good. I know I have helped you with this sort of thing before but... going myself was different. And going to help the people I failed before... I just mean you were right. I needed it. Just as much as you needed me," she explains and I understand.

    "I''m glad. I know it doesn''t make everything better. But every time you see any of these kids... you''ll know what you are. It''s certainly not a monster," I respond. She doesn''t respond to that. I can tell she doesn''t agree with me and... to be honest I understand. What she did with that other priest would haunt anyone. It should haunt anyone, anyway. I have my own haunting moments, like that damn Captain Horrus. But Sarafyna is still a good person.

    After maybe ten minutes of quiet, something seems to occur to her and she looks at me with her head tilted. "So, you said something about only you understanding some language... You said you would explain it later?" she pokes and I take a deep breath through my nose. I did tell her that, didn''t I?

    I deliberate for a few minutes. Is it a good idea to tell her this? Then I realize, there is no reason at all not to. With what she has been through, I doubt she wouldn''t believe me. She won''t think I''m insane or lying or anything. And it''s not like I can''t trust her. She already knows all of my most dangerous secrets. She also might have some insight, when she has all of the information.

    "Well," I finally respond, "I''m not the only one that knows it. But I thought I was the only one in this world." She looks at me in confusion.

    "This... world?" she asks and I grin at her.

    "Oh, did I not mention? I''m not from around these parts."

 Chapter 44 - A Woman of Many Hats

    Leo

    I hunched over behind the bushes and vomited. Again. Lily has only been gone for a day and I thought it would be fine to go to the regular spot for breakfast. I was wrong. Of course, I was wrong, but I hadn''t realized how much I had grown to depend on her. I didn''t think it would be so dangerous just to get food without a friend. But the people here... they despise me. They want me dead. I don''t mean that metaphorically, I mean if they could get away with it, they would kill me and go on about their days, hearts feeling lighter than ever.

    If my sponsor wasn''t so prominent, they probably would have by now. I retch again, splattering the bush with bile. What was so wrong about trying to eat some eggs in a public place? I know, I''m not welcome there. The only way I got away with it before was because Lily''s backer is somehow even more important than mine. But I got comfortable. I trusted the promised safety of routine and familiarity. As a result I was here, on my knees and puking into the dirt.

    I don''t know what they put in my food, or when they did it, but the message was clear. I am not to come back. At least not without Lily to back me up. Of course, none of them would ever admit to it. It was still too dangerous to do something like this openly. Even that fucking headmistress can''t attack me... if she leaves any evidence. For a while that made me feel safe. And Lily made me feel welcome. I was able to walk proudly through campus without keeping my head down and hiding my background. Because I had important friends.

    Every time I start to feel safe, however, something like this happens. Something foul is left in my food, my dorm room, or my bags. They always find a way to remind me that I am unwanted. So I have to keep looking over my shoulder. Checking my fucking breakfast and waiting until classes start before moving between them.

    "Oh no, are you alright?" a polite but unwelcome voice asks and I look up to see Iris staring over the bush at me. Her tone indicates she wants to help, but I can see the laughter in her eyes and her disgust in the wrinkle of her nose. "We do have a nurse on campus, even a priest that can heal you. I can take you to him if you want?" she offers. I keel over and vomit again. She knows damn well the priest won''t help me. I don''t know if she did this, or if she is just happy to find me like this, but she can go to the third plane either way.

    I want to scream at her. Tell her exactly where she can shove her supposed help. "I- I''m okay, thank you, Lady Iris," I reply instead. As long as she is playing nice, at least on the surface, I have to do the same. It''s the only way to survive until I graduate.

    "Well, if you are sure," she smiles, "Just be careful, I wouldn''t want you to stain your clothes in the dirt. It would just be dreadfully embarrassing if they started drawing too much attention to you." I scowl internally but smile back.

    "Thank you, Lady Iris, I will be," I respond, before the need to puke forces me back into the bush.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    Sara stares at me, completely baffled. "When you were... seven?" she asks, clearly trying to wrap her head around what I just told her. I don''t blame her. It''s a lot to take in. For someone who hadn''t spent who knows how long wandering around a magic hell forest, it would sound too fantastic to be real. Sara, on the other hand, believed me right away. Nevertheless, it was still a lot.

    "Yep, when I was seven," I answer and she just looks at me with wide eyes.

    "Why do you think... I mean, that must have been so strange. Are you sure you are the same person?" she asks and I nod.

    "Completely. I didn''t just remember my childhood here. I felt it. I still feel it. They aren''t just events, I feel the nostalgia, the heartache, and the joy that comes with them. I have always been Lillith. I am just Annie too," I answer and she shakes her head.

    "Annie," she says, trying the name out. "It''s kind of a cute name, actually. Do you ever miss it?" I shrug.

    "Sometimes, but I think I just miss the people that used it. I like my name now just as well. Like I said, I identify with both. They both feel right, and both fit me like a-"

    "Hat?" she interrupts and I look at her, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.

    "Sure, like a hat," I chuckle, but she is still examining me, completely serious. "A-anyway. Things were different there, mostly. Some things were not as much, but even the similar parts were better. But I spoke a language called English. That''s the language the word ''hell'' probably comes from."

    She looks contemplative for a moment. "What do you mean probably?" she asks and I shrug.

    "Language is tricky. Sometimes words in different languages can sound similar but be unrelated. We had a holiday called Easter and an old God called Ishtar, and a lot of people assumed they were related just from similar themes and names, but they weren''t even from the same language. Hell is kind of the same, actually, and it throws the timeline off," I explain, getting a little lost in thought.

    "What do you mean?" she asks and I rub the back of my neck.

    "Well, the Collector, or at least the church, has been around for thousands of years, or so they claim. The more I learn about Potestia and the church, the murkier things get. But supposedly, both showed up at the same time, thousands of years ago. The word ''Hell'' wouldn''t have existed on Earth at the time," I think out loud and Sara tilts her head.

    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

    "So... you don''t think the Collector is... uh... like you?" she inquires and I can only shrug again.

    "Or the Radiant Woods isn''t actually the Collector, or time doesn''t flow at the same rate between realities, or he can just see into all of them at once. I honestly don''t know. But it does feel strange. Using the word at all implies some kind of connection to more recent English speakers, especially in that context. It''s... a lot to consider," I answer.

    We sit there in quiet for a little longer at that. Then, she finally speaks up, changing the subject. "I''m sorry, I just... I''ve never heard anything like this before. Forgive me if I ask too much. But... what was it like?" she eagerly interrogates and I lean back.

    "It was... good. And bad. Better than here for sure, at least where I lived. But it was far from perfect. There were comforts people in this world would never dream of, but there were more than a few things left to fight. Things to fight for, and to fight against. I had a fairly comfortable life, though. Movies, games, and comfy little coffee shops with cute baristas. I was mostly happy, and I didn''t need a fucking guardian to be that way," I answer and she looks down.

    "I didn''t understand a lot of that, but... it sounds nice. So how did you end up so... ready to fight?" she asks.

    "Well, part of it is because I have seen a better world. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to go backwards, rather than forwards. But even back there, I was killed fighting for something better. I just have even more to fight here. And fewer people to fight alongside. Also, no toilet paper, which would make anyone cranky," I joke. She looks confused for a second, but then something dawns on her.

    "That''s why you are always saying things that make no sense!" she exclaims, "you are talking about stuff only you understand! I mean, I guess I knew that, but they are real things! It was always the most confusing thing about you, how you would make a joke or respond to something in a way that sounded like gibberish..." she trails off, suddenly turning a little pink. "Sorry, I didn''t mean to be rude, it never bothered me! I was just excited to understand."

    I laugh, "No offense taken! I know I do that. I can''t help myself. I am still who I have always been. These little references to the things I once loved but can never see again... they keep me grounded. They tie me back to my home and make sure I don''t forget it. Some of them are silly, like a goofy song I used to listen to or a video game I played when I was depressed. Some of my past experiences are important, however. They are how I know this world is... wrong."

    "You mean like the Radiant Woods and the temple?" she asks and I nod.

    "That, yes, but everything else too. The way the history doesn''t seem to exist before the church and the country. The way no one seems to know about any other countries. There is no trade between Potestia and other powers, and there is barely even between cities. So-called ''merchants'' collect readily available materials and recipes from the immediate area, lash out at anyone who discovers their process and sell basic goods as luxury items. All to justify existing and growing wealthy when they don''t even travel.

    "It''s like each city is an outpost in a strategy game. Started in one of many places that conveniently has a gold mine, lumber, water, and any other resources lined up next to each other. And they are all the same. The same spices, the same livestock, and flora. None of it varies at all. No one has heard about anything that isn''t available everywhere, so they have to sell what is easily available at a premium. It just makes no sense. That corn in the forest? That was all over the place on Earth, but I''d never even heard whispers of it before entering the woods," I rant and Sara looks at me with wide eyes.

    "So... back on... your world, things were different somehow? Merchants traveled more for some reason?" she asks and I rub my neck again, trying to think of a quick way to explain.

    "Yeah, they did. Most goods were regional in some way or another. They took them from one place and sold them in another. Well, by my time they weren''t really merchants anymore, and a lot more people were involved, but the point is the same. People traded goods. Yeah, things were still artificially expensive but... it wasn''t the same. The way things work here... it has to be by design, I just can''t figure out why. Maybe the existence of magic changed the landscape over time, but-" and Sara cuts me off.

    "Wait, you didn''t have magic before? Even the nobles? But things were more comfortable?" she suddenly asks.

    "OH, uh, no. At least I don''t think so. If we did, it was a secret. No, we sort of... electrocuted rocks in patterns and created our own magic with that. It wasn''t really magic, but it might look like it. Then again, maybe magic here is the same way," I muse and Sara actually rubs her temples trying to understand what I am saying.

    "You are talking about things that make no sense again," she complains and I chuckle.

    "Sorry. It''ll take time, but I''ll explain it all to you. Basically, we were really good at math and science, and we figured out new ways to do things. If we had magic, I like to think we would have advanced more than Potestia has. But, again, the state of things feels like it was designed, so perhaps not," I answer.

    She nods along with me, then gives me a serious look. "Alright, I have one more important question for you," she begins and I tilt my head in curiosity. "What kinds of hats did you have there?" she says. I begin to laugh.

    "Oh, we had all kinds. Top hats, bowler hats, fedoras. I was partial to a baseball cap myself, but there were dozens of styles. Maybe hundreds," I answer, and if I had a heartbeat it would have stopped short as I finish that sentence. She has stars in her eyes. This is easily the most eager I have ever seen her.

    "Do you think you could make them?" she begs and I chuckle.

    "I have no idea how to make a hat. I can sew a dress but I have no confidence I could emulate a design from memory just with-" I start and she cuts in.

    "If I teach you, can you make them?" she asks again and I laugh openly for a moment... until I see the dead serious look she is giving me.

    "Oh. Uh, I''m not a terrible artist, exactly. I can probably draw them, will that work?" I offer. Her mouth opens a little and her eyes light up. At this moment, I can see just a little bit of the girl Sarafyna described herself as in the past. It''s more than a little cute, and I start blushing a bit myself.

    "I''ll, uh, I''ll draw some on breaks for the next couple weeks," I promise, and she pulls me into a hug without even thinking about it.

    "Thank you, Lily, that would mean the world to me!" she exclaims and I smile. Only Sarafyna could hear that I had a past life in an entirely different world... and be most affected by the thought of new kinds of hats. I''m just glad I can make her happy, and that I get a little bit of a break for a couple of weeks.

 Chapter 45 - Prodigal Brother

    Godfrey

    "You had the right of it when you were hiding away in your bookshop," Don laughs, not bothering to finish chewing first. Yet again I have to wonder if my brother was involved in silencing me. I have met priests before, and it simply doesn''t make sense that Baldwin managed to get his claws in me like he did. I had been garnering support before he showed up, however, and my time in Satusmor had been a great boon to King Donatello. Until recently, his reign went unchallenged while I was out of the picture.

    I hadn''t found any evidence of his involvement, outside of a clear motive, but he is still my primary suspect. He certainly had the power to do it. He also had the power to simply kill me, but a fight between us would have done far too much damage. The man is a fool, but not an imbecile. Proving it wouldn''t change anything really, but knowing for sure would protect me. If he isn''t the one responsible, I have to guard myself against whoever is. I have no illusions that Baldwin managed it on his own.

    When I don''t respond to the taunt, Don changes his approach. The bookshop jab had been used far too liberally to maintain any sting, so he goes with a more recent perceived failing of mine. "My son tells me the girl you sponsored for the academy has already been suspended. For violence, of all things! A girl! Really Godfrey, I''ve no idea what you were thinking bringing a mongrel like that here. Were you worried the shame of hiding would fade too quickly without a fresh embarrassment to follow you around?" he smirks.

    This insult fails to find any footing as well, and I smile in response. The man is as blind as he ever was. Already there are grumblings about him among the upper nobility as slaves are growing harder to find. He has no idea what the state of Satusmor is, and he hasn''t noticed even his staunchest supporters growing uneasy. He will, eventually, but I doubt he''ll take it seriously before it''s too late. All thanks to the ''mongrel'' I brought here. "Who, knows," I answer, "I suppose I just liked her taste in pastries."

    Don just laughs at me, assuming I am trying to brush off the insult and not noticing my own smirk. "Oh, I see," he sneers, "she''s more of a... hobby for you. You know I''d begun to think you lost all interest after your wife died, but I suppose you simply like them young. Or do you prefer them unwashed? Not a fetish I understand but it makes sense you would pick them from the common rabble."

    This man has no idea what is coming. Neither did I, at first. At first, Lillith presented as a genius. Her circle is capable of changing magic forever and granting Dominic''s children, should he ever sire any, with power far surpassing any of Kallon''s. I''ll admit I even considered her as a possible mother for them. But with her brilliance she also brings madness. The girl is an idealist like I''ve never seen before, which would be admirable if she weren''t also mad. But with a tempering hand, I can give her the better world she wants. A version of it, anyway. And every fight benefits from a few soldiers with a touch of madness, so long as you rein them in at the right time.

    I feel sorry for her. I understand why she feels the way she does, and her reaction to this corrupt country is years beyond her age. But she doesn''t know what she is doing. She won''t help anyone this way... not intentionally anyway. But, like a controlled burn, she can handle the rot. I just hope I can save her from herself before the fire gets out of control.

    "So you do pay attention to the academy," I answer, changing the subject. "I thought noble students being attacked would be beneath you." It was strange that Lillith and the other girl had been in a fight at all. I hadn''t been able to find anything at all on their attacker myself, but Don had more direct access.

    "Oh just children squabbling, you know that. You brought one of them," he waves me off and I groan internally. It is possible he is just distracting me, but knowing him, he genuinely doesn''t think there is any more to it. As if Lady Cateline would have bothered reporting a fight between children. Although, I suppose he might just have her reporting on my apprentice regardless of importance. If that''s the case he would truly have to be a fool to dismiss the event. And that, as always is the question. How much is foolishness, and how much is calculated?

    <hr>

    Lillith

    "What if someone innocent gets too close, or too curious?" Sara asks, and I understand her concern. I had worried about that myself, but I shake my head.

    "It will be too dangerous, they''ll have to set up a perimeter around it themselves or leave a massive vulnerability for us to exploit. We can use their own defenses for our gain. Yes, we''ll still have to keep an eye out and be careful, but they''ll do most of the work for us," I reassure.

    Sara puts her finger to her lips in thought, but we are interrupted by a knocking at my door. We have returned home for today, and are hammering out details we have considered since making our initial plan. I lower the sound barrier around us and climb to my feet to answer while Sara considers my response. "I understand your worries, I''ve had them myself, but this is the best shot we have," I say as I head to the door and open it to find... Edward.

    I''m a little taken aback as he hasn''t actively sought me out since our last argument in Satusmor. Behind him is the blonde I have seen him with recently. He is looking down and to the left until she puts a hand on his back and shoves him into the room. He stumbles forward a little and I raise an eyebrow.

    "I''m sorry," he says under his breath, not making eye contact. I look at the woman and she leans forward, putting one hand on his shoulder.

    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

    "Come on Ed," she urges him on and he clenches his fists. Then, he pauses and looks up at me. His face is red, but she speaks louder.

    "I''m sorry, Lily. Over the years... I have been... cruel. I lashed out at you for a few reasons. I told myself it was both our faults but, I''ve been talking to Mariah more and... I don''t know, some things don''t look the same in hindsight," he stumbles and I look at him with a blank expression for a minute.

    Then, I give them a friendly smile and stand aside, holding my arm out to indicate they should join us. "Come on in, take a seat," I offer, and after an awkward moment, both enter and sit on Autumn''s bed. I sit opposite them and after a moment, Sara suddenly stands up.

    "I uh, have to... go," she awkwardly excuses herself and I give her an amused half smile. I would have been happy to have her here, but it was kind of her to give us the room. Then, I take off my mask and look at my brother.

    "Why do you wear that around her anyway?" Ed asks and I blush a little. This fact doesn''t escape Mariah, whose mouth opens a bit in surprise for a second, then she chimes in.

    "It''s a girl thing, don''t worry about it, just say what you need to say," she instructs before giving me a wink. This makes me blush a bit more but Ed doesn''t seem to notice as he plows on.

    "Right. Um, the thing is, ever since you... well when you got that scar, I started thinking about things differently. Then all this happened with Baldwin and the women here, and Mariah told me about what he did to her and... I don''t know, everything before seemed so small. So, I''m sorry. When you got sick, and changed, it scared me. You used to light up when I showed up, and the smallest trick was like magic to you. Then you got sick and... I don''t know. You tried to respond the same way, but your eyes weren''t the same. The light was gone," he begins and I nod.

    "Right. I''m sorry about that, I am. But-" I begin but he cuts me off.

    "No, it doesn''t matter why things weren''t the same. I used to think it did. At first, I blamed you for everything changing. Then when you got hurt, I thought it was both of us. I knew the way I focused on our family becoming nobles and ignored what might happen to you with Baldwin was wrong. I never should have listened to Dad. But I still thought... if we didn''t get along, it was both our fault," he laments.

    "I mean yeah it-" I start but he cuts me off again.

    "I''m sorry, and I know, it''s not helping that I keep interrupting, but please, just let me say this," he begs and I hold my hands open to my side, then tilt my head forward in assent. "Sorry. I''m struggling to get this out, and I rehearsed and... anyway... I thought it was both our fault. But I talked over everything with Mariah. Everything I remember, anyway. As we were talking, I realized something. You never sought me out. You never insulted me first. The thing that made me more and more resentful over the years was that... you ignored me. Not at first, but the more I... well you didn''t rise to what I said.

    "I felt like I had lost my sister, and I wanted to win your attention back. When the same little miracles didn''t get the same reaction, I tried something else. I tried teasing you, but you weren''t bothered. Then I tried insulting you, and all I got was an occasional quip. But no real reaction, other than avoiding me more. Then things escalated. You got better at things than me. Before long, I was looking up at you in awe instead of the other way around, and I hated it. I felt so fucking small. So I lied to myself. I convinced myself you were doing something which-" he stops, giving Mariah a furtive glance.

    "Something which still wouldn''t have made you less than me," he says. I give Mariah a glance myself and put a couple of pieces together. It''s just a guess, but it''s entirely possible her profession is the very same Edward thought I had. "Anyway, things got bad, and before I knew it, I was next to Dad, gloating that you were being forced into a marriage you obviously didn''t want. And he..." he trails off, looking at my scar.

    "The point is, it wasn''t your fault, it was mine. This didn''t really click until Mariah said... what was it you said?" he asks and Mariah smiles affectionately at him.

    "When you treat someone poorly, it is never their responsibility to make you feel better about it. When you abuse someone, it isn''t their job to fix you," she answers. I like this lady, Ed is lucky to know her. There is an argument to be made that I am an adult, in my mind, and he was a child but... I really don''t know what I could have done better than warn him of his pride and ignore his taunts. Still, I do wonder if there is something I could have done as the adult in the relationship.

    "Right," Ed continues, "It wasn''t your job to make our relationship better when it was my insecurity that was hurting it. I didn''t even realize that''s what I was blaming you for, but I was. Anyway, I''m sorry," he apologizes, looking down. I look at him for a moment, my own heart aching at the thought. For a while, I didn''t know if I would ever have a chance at a relationship with Edward, but here he was. This woman is a miracle worker.

    "For what it''s worth, I''m sorry too. Mariah is right, it wasn''t my job to fix the way you treated me. But still. When we were young, I knew something was off with you. But I didn''t know how to give you what you wanted. You were still my brother, but things weren''t the same, and I couldn''t be the little sister you knew. When things started getting worse... I didn''t know what to do about it. I figured you were young, and if I didn''t rise to your taunts... too often, you would get bored with them. But I couldn''t be who I was, so I didn''t know how to fix things," I answer, trying to stumble around the issue.

    The problem was, I was an adult and I had shit to do. Surpassing him is what hurt his pride, and I couldn''t hold myself back to soothe it. Nothing I said or did would have made him feel better, and warnings about being controlled by pride, when they came from me, only made the problem worse. Even if I tried to teach him what I knew, it would hurt his pride that his little sister was teaching him. I had to let him work through it himself. Still, I felt guilty about how it went down. If he knew I was an adult, things might have been different. Maybe. Then I realize what it is I need to say now.

    "Ed, it''s alright. I forgive you. And if you are up for it, I''d like to give it another shot. Being siblings, I mean," I offer, and Edward starts crying. Gently at first, but I hear the sudden gasps for breath as Mariah rubs his back.

    "It''s alright my love," Mariah encourages, "I told you it would be alright. And you can ask her." I am standing, moving to give my brother a hug for the first time in... I don''t know how long, but I pause, so he can ask whatever it is. It takes a moment, but after a few sniffles, he looks up at me with red eyes.

    "Lily, I want to help. With everything. I want you to teach me magic," he declares, giving a serious look.

    "Oh," I respond, a little taken aback. "Well... alright."

 Chapter 46 - Back to School

    Ansel

    "So you failed, did you? To dispose of a little girl?" my master derides and I wince as I kneel. It''s true I had failed to kill the Forrester girl initially, but I did achieve the desired result. I have decided our interests are best served if I don''t make another attempt. Now, I just need to convince the man on the dirty throne in front of me.

    "Yes, Your Highness," I respond, shame keeping my voice low and my head down. He allows silence to reign for a few moments and my skin itches with anxiety. I hear him lean forward and his disgust poisons the air around me. Sweat drips from my head as I am dissected by his calculating gaze. He is wondering if it would be worth it to kill me. This is the curse of being a bard. I can actually feel his murderous intent like a wire wrapped around my neck and idly tightened. I don''t have to guess; I know he''s a breath away from pulling that wire and ensuring my final moments are on my knees.

    Lifetimes pass in my mind before he speaks. "And why, Ansel, do I need an assassin that can''t kill an untrained child from a minor family?" he inquires. His voice is calm but the weight of his displeasure presses my head down like an anvil. I have to take a deep breath and steady my heart before I can manage a response.

    I don''t apologize. This man has no patience for such things. Instead, I launch right into my prepared response. "The asset fought hard to keep her alive, Your Highness. In the initial fight, I would have needed to kill her as well. When the target was available again, she had chosen to stay with the asset. After observing the two, I determined the target was no longer a threat. I believe the initial attack has successfully silenced her. Furthermore, after re-evaluating the asset''s connection to her, I determined a second attempt could derail her and harm future recruitment attempts," I explain.

    I feel a flash of rage but it dissipates as quickly as it comes, like liquor on fire. Then my master returns to his regular calculating self. I hold back my sigh of relief. If I make it this far, I am out of the woods, provided I don''t reveal I am actively reading his emotions. He must know I can, but it could be fatal to remind him of the fact. He does not look kindly on the idea of anyone being inside his head. Finally, once he has calmed himself, he responds. "Very well, Ansel. I will trust your judgment... for now. I assume you are prepared to pay the price if you are wrong?"

    "Yes, Your Highness," I agree, trying not to sound too eager. I don''t know if this is the right call, but the asset is volatile. Whether my master says it or not, I would be in just as much danger if following his instructions led to explosive results. This gamble is my best chance at survival. At the same time, I''d like to delay her recruitment as long as possible. We only need her because of my connection to His Majesty, which means once we have her... he will have no need for me.

    "As you say," he concedes. "I have another task for you anyway." I take this as a signal that it is finally safe to meet his eyes. As I do, I see him holding out a paper. I stand and approach slowly, then accept it and scan the list of names written on it.

    "Are these the targets?" I ask, and he gives me a hollow grin.

    "That''s right," he confirms, "see to it they are given priority in labor requisitions. You are dismissed." I fold the paper and tuck it into my coat pocket. This, at least, will be far easier to accomplish.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    Between healing the apprentice priests, drawing for Sara, and teaching Ed about magic, my suspension is over in no time at all. I leave ahead of Autumn so I can work on my radar spell while I walk. It''s taken work, but I have grown fairly efficient with it. Currently, I am using a gradient to indicate the direction light is coming from. I translate radar waves into visible light just as they hit light mana directly in front of my eyes. Depending on the angle it comes from, a different color will appear.

    This isn''t perfect, but it does help me know when someone is approaching from the side. It takes a lot of precise work and the mana flowing through my body practically vibrates as I send it in different directions. I feel like one of those one-man bands, waving my mana around like their frantic limbs as they try to play six different instruments. I don''t know if it will ever be effective in a fight, but it''ll give me an early warning for ambushes. In order to practice, I am essentially filtering out all other visual cues and trying to only react to the radar lights.

    I ignore the beautiful gardens and magic fountains as I walk through campus, barely avoiding colliding with one of the other students on the path. The different conversations are more distracting than I expect, so I tune them out as well. I am growing fairly skilled, and decide to up the challenge in the best way I can. I unwrap an apple turnover I bought when I got on campus so I can enjoy the snack before I make it to class. I sink my teeth into it, barely avoiding another student as the pastry distracts me. My face immediately pales as I come to a horrifying realization.

    This isn''t apple. This was made with fucking pear. Who makes a pear turnover?? I immediately spit the abomination out and gag, holding my tongue out. I probably get strange looks but they are all just lights to me. The student nearest me seems to have decidedly unimpressed body language. "Sorry, that was just..." I shudder, "absolutely vile. I have never been so disgusted in my life." I have to remember not to go back to the baker who made this. He has forgotten the face of his father.

    As I see a crowd outside of the building I am headed toward, I realize I have arrived at my aspecting class. It''s not uncommon for Lady Kyra to be late and leave the door locked, so this is a familiar scene. I release all the magic of my radar spell at once and breathe a sigh of relief. Practice is important, but there is no chance I can pay attention to class at the same time. As soon as I do this, I feel the pressure of a thousand eyes on me. I look between the astonished faces of my classmates and shrug it off. I''d expected this to an extent.

    Once I was suspended for violence, I gave up on blending in on campus. The ship of respectability has sailed, so to speak, and I gave myself something of a makeover during my break. As I join the waiting crowd, Hugh is the first to speak. "What in the third plane happened to you? I suppose Lord Godfrey decided if you were going to act like a common brute you should look like one?" he scoffs, his eyes glued to the newly shaved side of my head.

    I''m a little annoyed to see him here since he''s not actually in my aspecting class, but I remember something the headmistress said before suspending me. That''s right, the first years are measuring their mana capacity today. I suppose different sections of Lady Kyra''s class are combining to get it out of the way. In that case, Autumn should be here soon as well. "What''s wrong, no clever quip?" Hugh adds after I fail to respond.

    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

    "Huh?" I respond, "Sorry, I forgot you said anything. What were you whining about?" His face cycles through the various shades a tomato might have, but before he can lash out another girl speaks up.

    "Did you pierce the top of your ears? Why? That looks dreadful," she exclaims, horrified by the unfamiliar style.

    "I kind of like it, actually," another girl chimes in, "It has a daring look to it."

    "It''s not the weirdest thing on campus," a guy in the back dismisses while flipping idly through a book. "I heard people have seen a cross-dresser." Several people murmur about this, some gasping and others confirming they had heard the rumor as well. Well, there is no mystery who they are talking about there.

    "A cross-dresser, what''s that" I ask, eliciting a strange look from a few people.

    "A man who wears a woman''s clothes, or vice versa, obviously. I see math isn''t your only intellectual failing" Hugh mocks.

    "Huh, sounds like something made up by assholes. I guess I will have to admit that''s a topic you surpass me in, Hugh," I retort.

    "I guess we know who the pervert is," Hugh sneers, "You know you will never find a husband like this." I roll my eyes at this.

    "Oh nooooooo, you don''t think I''m pretty anymore?" I retort, holding a hand over my heart in feigned panic. Hugh still looks self-satisfied and is clearly going to respond when the professor shows up. She is dragging a cart with what looks like a massive tuning fork on it.

    "Alright class, everyone stand aside, you, help me with this," she orders and the student she gestured at immediately grabs one side to help her pull it into the classroom. She does give me an odd look, but declines to comment on the new style, electing to blow a curl out of her face and roll her eyes instead. I smile at Autumn as she quietly joins the crowd, and we all follow her inside. The professor passes our usual classroom and leads us to the nearby auditorium. I suppose the original class would have struggled to contain all of us.

    As we settle into the larger space she claps. "Alright, I know many of you have been looking forward to this, and others have been dreading it. I''m here to tell you, this isn''t as important a matter as you believe. You will likely land roughly where you expect. Unless you have a position in the royal court, your mana capacity will not have a significant impact on the course of your life. Those with more mana are already on a more prestigious path. This is just for our records, and so your family can track their relative progress," she lectures, to little effect.

    She can say whatever she wants, we test this in front of everyone for a reason, and the confident grins on the higher-ranking students'' faces are enough to explain why. Yes, we all know our relative ranking and that''s unlikely to change much, barring a newly designed circle. But this demonstration of it is a reminder from the powerful to the weak. The families who have been amassing power for centuries can safely display how far above the rest of us they are.

    It''s definitely more than routine, in any case. All that aside, I am a bit curious. I should probably hold back, but I would like to know where I stand as compared to the other nobles. Even hundreds of years of amassing power only amounts to maybe a month inside a circle per generation. My circle is a bit slower but I have been using it for years. I should have a respectable level.

    "I will call you up in order of family name or affiliation," Professor Kyra announces, "When I do, simply touch the mana attunement device, and pour your mana into it. It will generate a sound, which will be measured by the dial in my hand. I will not be announcing your actual score, so you''ll have to judge by the volume created until I hand them out at the end of class. Does everyone understand?" A few people respond in the affirmative, and the silence from the rest of the class signals that she can move forward.

    "Alright, to begin, it looks like... Hugh, please come to the front of the class," she instructs and murmurs ripple through everyone at his lack of surname. He blushes as he makes his way to the front and touches the device. I see him grimace and the fork begins to vibrate, creating a low, quiet tone. There are various snickers, and Kyra has to order people to quiet down before she can call the next name.

    Every noble called after Hugh creates a far more impressive sound, and his face grows more and more red with each fresh humiliation. It doesn''t change until she finally calls for Lillith of Endings. At this point, confidence finally returns to his face. His father must have never had the chance to explain that my mana surpassed his, because as I make my way up to the front, his humiliation has transformed into a full-on shit-eating grin. He is looking forward to having someone to look down on.

    I give him the sweetest, most innocent smile I can muster as I pass him, but his confidence doesn''t waver. Finally, I make it to my destination, grin so my teeth are showing, and put my hand on the fork. I had planned to hold back as much as I could, but as I barely touch the device with my mana, I realize why Hugh grimaced. It pulls. I feel like my blood is being sucked from my body with a straw, but it''s mana. I do everything I can to hold it back, but it''s too late.

    The sound created by the device drowns out all the chattering in the room, far surpassing all the students who went before me. Hugh''s face drains of color, and I have a feeling mine isn''t much different.

    <hr>

    Ralf

    This academy is growing boring. I have managed to charm my way into enough beds that the thrill is gone. All the women here are exactly the same. At this point, I''m not even sure I can tell which of them I have already been through. My brothers had all boasted about their conquests here, but they made it sound like it never got boring. I just want, I don''t know, a unique experience.

    Just as I am sighing and deciding to return to one of the women who had given me more of a challenge, I see her. A woman is walking through the crowd like she is the only one there. She somehow avoids colliding with anyone even while looking down. She has ears pierced in three, no four places. She is using some kind of spell around her crimson eyes. Combined with her matching red dress this makes her glow. There is a scar over her left eye that is somehow fetching on her. Most astonishingly, the left side of her head is... bald. Or, mostly bald. There is hair but it is far closer to her scalp than I have ever seen on a woman.

    If this had been described to me, I would have been disgusted, but in person... it''s actually quite exciting. I smile to myself. This is exactly what I am looking for. I push through the less interesting students around me and make my way to her. It''s not long before I am caught up and wearing my most winning smile. "Hello beautiful," I greet, but she doesn''t even look over at me. It''s no matter, she wouldn''t be the first to ignore me... until she hears my name. "I am Ralf Trouv��re, it is truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"

    Nothing. It''s like she doesn''t even see me. The Trouv��re family is a prominent one, there is no way she hasn''t heard of me. Growing irritated, I step into her path, and... she dodges me. She has the audacity to step around me. Even worse, she actually pulls out some kind of pastry and begins unwrapping it. I clench my fists and suppress my irritation. As she takes a bite of the apparently oh-so-important dessert, I press on. "I have been watching you for some time, I''m embarrassed to admit. It''s just... you are radiant. I would be honored if you would allow me to treat you to a meal this eve-" I begin and... she spits at my feet and gags.

    I stiffen. She actually dared to spit at my invitation? "Sorry, that was just..." she begins, a look of horror contorting her previously pretty face, "absolutely vile. I have never been so disgusted in my life." I am absolutely frozen in fury. People are snickering around me, trying not to laugh. For the first time in my life, I feel completely humiliated.

    "You will regret this. I will find your family name and crush you. You and everyone related to you. I am a fucking Trouv��re. You will be far more humiliated than I was today," I whisper to her, before turning on my heel and marching off. I don''t need to see the look of fear on her face right now. I can savor that later. For now, I have to ask around and find out everything I can about her.

 Chapter 47 - Challenges

    Lillith

    I gasp as I wrestle with the device. Mana bleeds from me to it like heat to ice. The resonating sound isn''t deafening, but it is shocking how far it exceeds the response of the students before me. My hand doesn''t want to separate from the device and it refuses my commands. In my mind''s eye, I''ve jerked my hand away like I''ve just touched a hot stove, but reality refuses to comply. I begin to panic as I feel my reserves drain and the pitch and volume it creates increases.

    I am still unsure what will happen if I manage to use all my mana but I am all but certain it will be one of two things. It''s possible I will be able to use the mana I am still gathering indefinitely. But I consider it more likely that my body, now dependent on mana, will simply die as my blood fails to flow. In this case, the two may be one and the same since the device is devouring mana faster than I am gathering it. This stupid fucking test is more dangerous than it has any right to be, but possibly only for me. As I feel my mana reserves drain, I realize it''s not going to stop until I have nothing.

    In a moment of desperation, I choose to lean in the other direction. So you won''t let me pull my hand away? Fine. I bend my fingers in an attempt to grip the device and this time my hand obeys. The base I am touching is too small for my hand, and my attempts to essentially make a fist push it away from me, just barely. As my hand closes, I manage to break contact for the split second I need to pull myself away. My head throbs and I realize the edges of my vision are growing darker.

    I am drenched in sweat and I begin to see the aura that used to tell Annie a migraine was on its way. I find this odd, as I had left those with my bad vision and deviated septum. In a past life. I suppose I have figured out something that causes them again, which is almost as unpleasant a surprise as a mouth full of pear. Nevertheless, my presiding emotion at the moment is relief. That had been too close. I hold my hand and give it a frustrated look in response to its betrayal. You and I are going to have words about this later, young lady.

    Then, finally, I realize the room is completely silent. As I look up, I am met by wide eyes sinking their claws into me from every angle. Even Professor Kyra appraises me with a perplexed stare. Hugh looks like I just forced sewage down his throat with a funnel. At this point, I figure there is nothing for it, so I give him the same sweet smile I had before being tested. Then, I work my way back to my seat as the students before me had. The room is dead quiet, and I begin to grow self-conscious about my heavy breathing and my... drenched dress. Several eyes have tracked me back to my place, and the tension is palpable when the professor finally speaks.

    "Right then," she dismisses. "Autumn of Forrester, please come to the front." Oh, it''s Autumn''s turn. That makes sense. Actually, August should be here too now that I think about it. I look around for him, but he is absent. I suppose he must be attending this test with another group like Leo. The sound created by Autumn''s test is more prominent than Hugh''s but exists on the lower end of the spectrum so far. Her face is pepper-red as she makes her way back to her seat and I feel a bit guilty. She actually did better than I would have thought, but my performance would have been hard to follow. I didn��t mean to, but it doesn��t change the effect it has on her.

    After that, the rest of the tests go by fairly uneventfully. I am not the strongest student in class, being beaten out by two students from centuries-old families, but I am the only one getting looks and murmurs throughout the rest of the class. It doesn��t matter that Lionel and Jocelyn of whatever near royal houses have more mana than me. That was expected. What matters is, as I suspect Godfrey intended, I am centuries ahead of the power a brand-new house should have. Today alone may erase any perceived shame or mockery from his time in Satusmor. His apprentice who, people will assume, used a circle of his design, has surpassed the currently known limits of magic. Noble houses will migrate to him as if the king were winter.

    At this point, it doesn��t matter if I fail out of classes, at least not to Godfrey. It would obviously be better if I displayed talent, but the point has been made. People will think Godfrey''s line is destined to be king as long as his circle is the most powerful. Class ends without a lecture, and I sigh. I like Godfrey, I do. That''s why I really didn''t want to actually help him consolidate power. The closer he gets to the crown, the harder it will be to convince him that no one should have it.

    This is why, as I fail to sneak out of the auditorium without being swarmed by students, I curse internally. "How did you cheat?" Hugh demands, pushing his way to the front and glaring at me. "Your family is even newer than mine! As the second in my family''s line of mages, I have to have more mana than you!" I give him that squinty-eyed look people always reserve for morons. Hugh is evidence of a theory I have held across multiple lives. Pride and stupidity are the same thing. Or at least, they have a clear cause-and-effect relationship. The concept of ''IQ'' is long defunct. If you really want to measure someone''s level of idiocy, listen to how self-impressed they are.

    "Your father bought your barony after you were born, Hugh," I intone, "Which means you didn''t inherit his mana level. We are both first-generation mages, dipshit." There is a bit of a gasp in the crowd and I immediately realize my mistake. Not everyone in this crowd knew I was common born or Godfrey''s apprentice. Those who did might not have realized I was the first mage in my family. I just sped up the rumors about me, just to mock Hugh. Well done Lillith. Congratulate yourself on not being a prideful idiot. No way that thought process results in immediate karmic justice.

    "You''re a first-generation mage??" a girl gasps and I immediately recognize her as Jocelyn, the most powerful mage in the class. She must be from Autumn''s class, as I don''t recognize her from mine. "How is that possible? You showed off almost as much mana as my father in there!" Yep, I definitely didn''t do myself any favors. I didn''t have any choice. They weren''t going to just drop this. I had to give them an explanation they would accept, and that meant bolstering Godfrey''s position. Fucking mana fork.

    "Well," I start, rubbing the back of my neck, "It''s Lord Godfrey. I''m his apprentice, so..." and just like that, understanding and awe decorate my classmate''s faces. They are all now under the exact impression Godfrey had probably been aiming for. He knew me, and he knew I would have tried to hide my magic. He also would have known I wouldn''t be able to. I was outplayed. That thought sits like sour milk in my stomach. On the other hand, as the wave of questions from the crowd washes over me, something else occurs to me.

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    How did he know I wouldn''t be able to? I mean, he must have experienced it before, but how did it stop me from pulling away? My thoughts are interrupted by Hugh, the thorn that just wouldn''t leave my side. "So, you surpassed me while lying on your back, is that it?" he accuses and I roll my eyes.

    "No," I answer, "but if I had, that would still just mean I did more to earn it than you did. Would that really make you feel better?" I dismiss. He huffs before responding.

    "Whatever you say, whore," he accuses again. "All that mana is useless in your hands anyway. A woman and an ignorant fool. Midterms are coming up, I''ll put you in your place with those." Again I squint my eyes at him.

    "Like, you''ll show me to my seat?" I joke and he tsks.

    "I mean I want to make a bet. You are so full of yourself. So proud of Lord Godfrey''s accomplishments. Surely you aren''t afraid of a simple bet? Whichever of us has the higher scores in say, mathematics wins, and the loser has to fulfill one request for them?" He tries to act casual at the suggestion of math as our makeshift duel, but his intent is transparent. He still believes I know nothing of the subject since I couldn''t read the notation. It may as well be an arm wrestle or a biology test.

    The crowd murmurs at the challenge, and I can actually see his pants begin to bulge as he suggests the ''one request''. Fucking creep. I try to remember he is just a kid, but that doesn''t make him less of a little pervert. So much for my hair driving men away. I snap my fingers and give him a finger gun before answering with a single word. "Nah," I dismiss, before turning around and walking away from the group.

    "Coward!" he calls after me. "You know you can''t win, huh? Too afraid to compete with something that wasn''t handed to you?" I just laugh and flip him off as I walk away. I have absolutely zero reason to make a bet with him, even if I have such a huge advantage. He continues raging after me, desperate to heal his wounded pride but my mind has already moved on. The mana device had controlled my body. It was like... confession. I only beat it with malicious compliance. This makes me wonder. If objects can be enchanted with regular mana... can they be enchanted with divine magic as well?

    <hr>

    Father Medici

    "We have found no sign of them. They were there one moment, and gone the next," Brother Wynter explains. He is one of my most powerful priests, and he rarely fails an assignment. Yet his report today is the same as it has been for two weeks. No sign of the two priests who disappeared the day after the demon attack. No sign of the killer in the basement or the apprentices he was watching.

    "What of the demon," I ask, already knowing what answer I will receive.

    "No leads, Father, I''m sorry," he replies and I nod. That was expected. The events are obviously related. I still find it hard to grasp that a demon managed to make it into our sanctuary, chew a powerful brother to death, and disappear without leaving so much as a blood trail. Then to come back, while we are on high alert, and steal our apprentices out from under us? Whatever this is, they are more dangerous than any of my priests know.

    "I am reassigning all divine priests to this task. We must find this demon at all costs," I order and Wynter looks up at me in concern.

    "But Father," he protests, "if there is no one to conduct confessions or make deliveries to our Lord..." he trails off and I shake my head.

    "You don''t seem to understand, brother Wynter," I respond, "This is no simple incident. This isn''t just the loss of priests and apprentices. If need be, they can be replaced with the same method we have been using since the first disappearances. This is about so much more than that. Do you know why we are the true rulers of Potestia," I ask and he looks confused.

    "Because the Collector declared it so," he answers and I shake my head. This is the problem with power and position through piety. Sometimes your subordinates believe the nonsense you sell them.

    "No, Brother Wynter," I answer. "It is because of the Collector, but not because of his declaration. It''s because of the power he gives us. The power of authority over his creations, and the power to choose who joins the Great Collection. We are the true rulers of Potestia because even the king must fear us. We control his people. We protect him from his people. And do you know why we exempt them from confession?" I ask.

    He opens his mouth to answer but I wave him off, I know he will just quote scripture. "It''s because we don''t need to. Nobles are sure of their power and supremacy, especially the king. They would never believe they needed to be confessed. But does that mean we can''t control them? No. Because not only do we control his people here, we control the monsters of the Collector. The beasts of the forest. The two armies that could tear him from his throne in a day, mana or no mana. We are the true rulers because we have everything he fears," I lecture.

    "But the monsters can''t leave the Radiant woods," he protests, "they will die without the Collector''s magic!"

    He''s right... in a way. The Collector holds these monsters together after changing them in ways no human could survive. "Exactly," I answer. "Without the Collector''s magic. Our magic. They are an army only we can lead from the forest. That is how it is, and that is how it has always been. So, let me ask. What will the nobility do if, say, a monster shows up that we don''t have control over? What will they think of us? What happens to the fear we control them with? What happens when they realize a monster is hunting us, and we can''t even find them?" I ask and his eyes widen.

    "I understand, Father," he whispers.

    "Very good. Then take all of the divine mages, and track this demon down before it causes more trouble for all of us," I order. He pauses before turning.

    "I understand, Father," he says, "but... we still need to make deliveries to the Collector. You know he won''t accept any excuse if we don''t so... I want to propose we plant a closer section of the Woods," he proposes and I clench my fists.

    "No, you damn fool. That would be even worse than letting the demon go! Do you think it''s an accident all our cities are so far from the Radiant Woods?" I ask. I understand his thought process. Every priest has this idea at first. When he realizes the Radiant Woods is only one place from the inside. When we see a map that reveals its entrances peppered all over the country, we all wonder if we couldn''t have one in the city. No more weeks-long trips to drop off mementos. Just quick, routine drop-offs. But we don''t do that for a reason.

    "No, Father, but if only we could deliver them more quickly, we wouldn''t need to choose between-" he starts and I wave him off.

    "The answer is no. It is the Collector''s will that we leave the woods where they are. It''s far too dangerous to keep them closer," I dismiss. He looks frustrated, but he bows.

    "As you wish, Father," he says before turning and leaving. He would understand if I could explain, but that would be just as dangerous. There is a reason only Fathers are told the true nature of divine magic.

 Chapter 48 - Friends and Siblings

    As I leave my aspecting class, Autumn catches up to me. "Hey Lily, you alright?" she asks, clear concern on her face. Most people in that classroom saw, or heard rather, the unprecedented amount of mana I have. Autumn seems to have noticed the panic and sweat instead. Of course, she saw me in the Radiant Woods, so she was likely expecting a greater showing from me. Still, it''s nice to have someone ask about my apparent distress.

    "I''m alright," I answer. "That damn thing just... demanded everything I had. And I really didn''t want to give it all, to say the least." She nods at this.

    "Yeah, that makes sense. It really drains you, doesn''t it? Did you pull away early somehow? That would explain how low your output was," she muses.

    "Well, sort of. My endoaspect wasn''t at its peak in there either. But I''ll be alright. I think I''m going to skip class this afternoon and rest at home. With my history classes, I learn more from what they leave out than what they say anyway," I respond and she gives me a concerned look.

    "Are you sure, with midterms coming up?" she questions and I shrug.

    "After today, I doubt Godfrey would let them give me a failing grade. Even if he does, I''m not that concerned about passing every class. It''s more about what I learn in the classes than some certification," I dismiss and she gives me a skeptical look but shrugs it off. "Besides, Agnes, my History of Potestia professor, has been in a foul mood for months. I don''t have the energy for that today."

    "If you say so. But I wouldn''t miss a class after two weeks of suspension. We are already behind," she warns. I shrug and we walk in silence for a while.

    "Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about," we both say in unison before looking at each other and pausing for a moment.

    "Sorry, go ahead," I chuckle, and she nervously scratches behind her ear.

    "Um, right. Well, it''s about our room at your brother''s place," she begins. I decide not to correct her. It is technically Gilbert''s home legally but no one in my family sees it that way. But that doesn''t matter at the moment. "Well, I know I''m allowed back at the dorm but... well you and Eleonor are always gone, so it feels like I just live there with Iris. It''s been a lot more fun staying with your family and... well I don''t feel safe in the dorm anymore..." she trails.

    "Well, that''s convenient," I answer, "that''s the same thing I wanted to talk to you about. I don''t think it''s safe for you there either. But... I don''t actually stay with my family. I stay at a... seedy inn closer to campus. But you are safer at my home. I have a way out for them in case things go south; you can use it as well. Will that work?" I can see her grow tense, then relaxed as I progress through the sentence. "Besides," I add, a wicked grin painting my face, "I''m sure Henry would be happy to have you for longer."

    Her face burns with her blush and she rapidly looks away from me. "No, I-it''s not that I just... It''s because I..." she sputters and I laugh, patting her on the back.

    "It''s alright, I think he likes you too. It''s quite the trek though, so you''ll spend a lot of time moving between classes and home. I hope that''s alright," I warn, but she doesn''t hear the end of my sentence. Her head is steaming as the embarrassment mixes with happiness at my first comment. I shrug. She knows how far it is. "Anyway, I''m meeting Leo first, I''ll see you later, yeah?" I ask and she just nods, avoiding eye contact. I chuckle before parting ways with her.

    I make my way through the winding paths of the campus, practicing my radar spell a bit more. It''s getting easier to use, but not easy enough. Finally, I arrive at the restaurant where Leo waits. "Leo!" I call as I spot his distinctive figure crouched over near the entrance. I am excited to see him as we haven''t had much chance to interact over the past couple of weeks. "It''s good to see you, lunch is on me to-" I start when he turns and I''m stopped short.

    I am a tundra, the ice emanating from me enough to freeze the air. I fail to suppress the cold fury twisting my face as I look at my friend. His lip is split open and his face is badly discolored with bruises. His clothes are clean and his wounds are at least a few days old from the color and scabs. He has been badly beaten, but he still eeks out a creaking smile that cracks his lip. "Hey, Lily. good to see you," he greets.

    "Who did this?" I dig, ready to raise hell for my friend.

    "No, Lily. Please, just leave it. It doesn''t matter, I''m okay," he pleads and I give him a cold stare. My knuckles ache as I clench my fist and my jaw sets. But I can''t force him to tell me. If I ever find out who it was, however... they had better hope the Collector is real and watching out for them. As Leo tries to stand and stumbles, I realize he is hurt in more places than one. I rush to his side and offer him my shoulder to prop him up, which he accepts.

    "Leo, you are hurt badly, I''m so sorry, I should have been here," I apologize and he waves me off.

    "There is nothing you could have done. I''m just glad it was only me," he responds and I grimace.

    "Well, there is something I can do now. You could have a broken rib, let me take you to my friend, she can help you," I beg. He looks like he is going to protest, but as he stumbles and I see sharp pain grip his face, he changes his mind.

    "The same friends you mentioned before?" he asks and I nod.

    "Alright. I wanted to meet her anyway. But seriously, Lily, this is all I need, I promise," he entreats and I nod in assent. I want to protest. I want to find whoever did this and choke the life out of them. Captain Horrus'' face flashes through my mind and I take a deep breath. This isn''t the time for justice, it''s a time for healing. Justice can come later. So I help him to the front gate and hire a carriage to take us to my home. We get more than a few strange looks, but we always do.

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    In the carriage I have Leo lie on one seat and raise his legs. I can''t tell, and he has survived for days, but he could have minor internal bleeding with wounds of this level. They probably would have caused more issues much sooner, but I don''t want to take the risk. After a grueling ride, each bump in the road inciting a pained scowl on Leo''s face, we arrive home and I help Leo in. "Lily, you are home ear-" my mom greets before she spots Leo, "Oh by the Collector, what happened?" she demands.

    "I don''t know," I respond, "is Sara around, when did she last check in?" My mom rushes to my side and we both help Leo to a room downstairs. We lay him on the bed and I put pillows under his legs.

    "She''s not, but she should be here soon," Mom replies and I nod as I put my hand against Leo''s forehead. He has no fever, which is a good sign. It''s likely he just has a few broken bones but I want him treated as soon as possible.

    "Alright, good. Can you send her here as soon as she arrives? He''s been ignoring his injuries for too long already, I want to treat him as soon as possible," I ask. Although she does give me a perplexed look, my mom nods.

    "Should I get you some tea, maybe a little bread?" she asks.

    "Not yet," I decline, "No food until we know if he is bleeding or not." Mom agrees and goes to wait for Sara. I''m extremely glad I have asked her to check in regularly, or I would have to waste more time retrieving her. I focus my attention on Leo again. "Why didn''t you go to a clinic or something? You could die from injuries like this. You''re lucky you didn''t!" I lecture, but he looks away. He has a stubborn set to his jaw, and I realize I am not getting anywhere with him right now. Maybe once he isn''t in pain anymore. "Leo, let me help you. Please," I beg, but as I suspected I don''t get a response.

    After an eternity, Sara rushes into the room. "What''s wrong, who is hurt?" she immediately interrogates and I gesture at the bed. She immediately runs to his side and puts her hand on him. I do the same, and with no need to discuss the next steps, we both exercise our respective powers. Leo has already agreed to this treatment so I don''t have to fight his will, and my mana permeates him. With Sara''s divine magic and my mana directing it, it is quick work finding every injury.

    He wasn''t bleeding internally, even from a minor vessel, which was good. I had suspected as much, since he had clearly been alright for a couple of days at least. The other half of my brain wouldn''t shut up about the possibility, however, so it was good to know for sure. Still, he did have two broken ribs and a hairline fracture to his cheekbone. Aside from that, the injuries were more minor than I feared. They were definitely too severe to ignore for days, however.

    I have to work with Sara for hours to properly heal everything, and it looks like Leo will have a scar on his cheek. Part of me wonders why we can put bone back together but we can''t heal scars, but I don''t have time to examine it right now. Leo is passed out from the strain on his body, and Sara and I are exhausted. But he is healed. I''ll talk to him about what happened when he wakes up, or at least why he didn''t go to a clinic. For now, we need a break.

    "I''m going to go check on Ed," I say. "Thanks so much for your help. I don''t know what I would have done without you." Sara just waves off the gratitude.

    "You know you don''t even have to ask. It feels good to heal. If there is one thing I actually like about this... magic, it''s that. You go ahead, I''ll keep an eye on your friend," she promises and I sigh in relief. I feel a mountain of anxiety ease off my shoulders as I turn to leave. I need to distract myself from thinking about what happened, and I am in the perfect place to do it. If there is anyone who can get me out of my head and direct my focus to more mundane things, it''s my brothers. As I walk out, I''m not disappointed and Henry greets me.

    "Oh, Lily, you are home, why didn''t you say anything Mom?" he asks, directing our attention to our mother.

    "I didn''t want to worry you, sweetheart. It looks like your sister has gotten herself in trouble again," she laments, giving me a worried look.

    "It had nothing to do with me this time, hand to God!" I swear, holding one hand up and the other over my heart. "I still don''t know what happened, and Leo is asleep so he can''t tell me how he got hurt. But I am perfectly alright, everyone is fine," I promise. My mom and brother relax a little, but Henry starts to search around the room.

    "Is Autumn here?" he asks and I give him a blank stare.

    "Well hello, my beloved brother," I mock, "It is lovely to see you too. I am truly taken aback by your concern for my well-being."

    "Oh shush, you just said everyone was fine, so where is she?" he persists. I might have thought he was being callous if I couldn''t see his eyes. But I know Henry. He heard everyone was alright, but he saw the concern on my face. He''s trying to calm me down. By acting normal and by trying to make me laugh. I actually appreciate it, and it works. I laugh and give him the finger.

    "Sorry, she''s on a date I''m afraid," I joke, then laugh harder as horror briefly contorts his features before he realizes I''m not serious. He sticks his tongue out at me like a much younger kid, because that is what siblings are for. My mom approaches with two bowls of stew and offers them to me.

    "Can you bring these to Ed please," she asks and I accept them.

    "Any chance you can bring Sara one too?" I respond and she nods.

    "Of course dear. She has been working so hard for us, I wouldn''t dream of leaving her hungry."

    "Thanks, Mom," I respond. "I''ll probably be up there for a while, I imagine they could use some company. Please let me know if Leo wakes up?"

    "I''ll keep an eye out," Henry interjects and I smile.

    "Thanks, man. And for what it''s worth, Autumn asked about you too. She''s actually gonna keep staying here for a while, and without me, so. You know, don''t do anything I wouldn''t do," I respond.

    His face turns bright red and I chuckle as I leave him like that. I then ascend the stairs and approach Ed''s door. I can''t knock with my hands full, so I actually make a knocking sound with magic. Instead of being called in as I expect, Gilbert opens the door for me.

    "Ooh, stew!" he says before reaching out for a bowl. I deftly dodge him and lift the bowl over his head with force mana, gently catching it once I pass him.

    "Paws off," I order, "These are for Ed and Mariah, if you are hungry, go get your own." As Gilbert grumbles about discrimination, I place the bowls just inside the magic circle I have drawn in white paint for Ed and Mariah. Both of them meet me there and sit down to eat. Ed starts to eat immediately, but Mariah pinches the back of his neck and he chokes.

    "Thank you, Lily," Mariah says and Ed jumps.

    "Oh, uh, yeah, thanks," he adds before going back to his meal. Then, I sit in the chair by his writing desk, to Gilbert''s protest. As I look down, I understand why. Gilbert has been drawing again. As I look through them, I actually find a picture of me alongside portraits of the other family members. He is getting quite good.

    "You need to give me some pointers," I idly comment, but his face lights up. I suspect I have just signed up for drawing lessons from my older brother. Oh well, Sara will be happy if I improve. I still don''t move from his seat, however, echoing Henry by sticking my tongue out when he tries to wrestle it from me.

    "So," I ask, looking toward the circle, "How has it been going in there?"

 Chapter 49 - Hypocrisy

    "Well, It''s extremely boring," Ed complains and Mariah gently backhands his shoulder.

    "And here I thought my company was lovely," she jokes, feigning offense.

    "Oh, you know what I mean. We''ve been sitting here for almost two weeks now, I want to get out and move a little. Henry said you carry your circle around with you, why can''t I do that?" he asks, redirecting his attention from Mariah to me halfway through his sentence.

    "I told you not to bother her with that," Mariah rebukes, but I laugh it off. I pick up an empty sheet of parchment and one of my brother''s quills and begin to draw before I respond.

    "No, it''s a fair question," I answer. "I do, in a way. I tattooed it on myself. I''ll show you sometime when I''m wearing something more practical, but to answer your more relevant question, I didn''t offer you the same because I don''t actually want to kill you," I respond. Gilbert reaches for his quill and I gently smack his hand away.

    "Wait," Gil cuts in while idly rubbing his hand, "Are you saying your magic circle is killing you?"

    I shrug. "Maybe, I sort of rushed into it. I... do that. But I don''t think so. As far as I can tell, it only improves my health, kind of. But it does a lot of things I didn''t expect. I have some worries about what happens if it keeps altering me indefinitely, but I can''t afford to think about them right now. Besides, I think I can change the aspects of it that caused that. Make it a little more like a normal circle, but mobile," I explain, getting distracted a few times while thinking about possible side effects and experiments.

    "So why don''t you?" Ed asks and I hold up a hand to waylay his concerns.

    "Well, like I said," I answer, "I think I can avoid some of the side effects. But what if I am wrong? What if I try it on you and keep the side effects but lose whatever is making them survivable? My heart doesn''t pump blood, Ed. My blood circulates with mana instead. So, let''s say I remove what I think is the cause, your heart stops, and your mana doesn''t take over. That means you are dead."

    "Alright, so don''t change it then. You aren''t dead, so your circle must work," he complains.

    "It kind of does. But I have a sneaking suspicion I will die if I use all of my mana, even once. It''s even possible I''ll die if something happens to my circle, although I don''t think that''s likely. Hell, I''m pretty sure a normally safe test almost killed me like, a few hours ago. But that''s not all. There are other variables. First of all, I nearly died when I first made it. A magic circle rebuilds the space it is drawn around into something entirely new. In my case, that space is my body. It tore me apart and rebuilt me in an instant, and I''m lucky to have survived," I answer.

    Gilbert gives me an odd look as my drawing of the Mad Hatter takes shape. I''ve been telling Sara stories from back home, and Alice in Wonderland was a recent one. She had, predictably, been particularly interested in this character. I wave him away and hold the parchment to my chest, glaring at him until he backs off. "You almost died again?" he chimes in, holding his hands up in surrender after our silent exchange.

    "I''m fairly certain, yes. And that''s another thing. I don''t know if you''ll understand the details, but I did die when I was seven. When I got sick, it killed me for a second, and I came back. There are some details about that I''m still working out, but I think it may be the only reason I survived. Like I said, I rushed into it. It was stupid but... I was adapting to some interesting changes at the time and wanted something I could control. Anyway, I think there is a good eighty percent chance it immediately kills anyone else I draw it on, and it could very well end with them dead even if they survive the initial change," I finish.

    "I mean, you still could have offered, I would ha-Aaagh!" he stops as Mariah pinches the back of his neck again.

    "You wouldn''t actually take that risk, would you?" she balks. Gilbert is trying to sneak up behind me to take his quill back, but I strategically dodge his swipe for it and reach a hand out to flick him.

    "Yes, I could have. And I did choose to take the risk myself, so I probably look a bit like a hypocrite to you," I say and Ed gives me a sheepish nod, "But, I didn''t really understand what I was risking until I felt the pain that came with it. Now that I do know, it would be beyond irresponsible to do that same thing to someone else.

    "Let''s say we are all starving," I add, deciding on a decent metaphor to explain my reasoning. "I find a mushroom and eat it. It poisons me and I barely survive the night, but I don''t vomit. So, I am less hungry than you. I then find enough safe food to survive but not be comfortable. I also find a whole field of the poison mushrooms. Am I a hypocrite if I don''t offer you the poison? I don''t think so. I only ate it because I didn''t understand the danger. Once I do understand it and I offer it, well... that''s not benevolence. If you see that I survived and decide to eat them when I offer, and you do die... am I guiltless in your death? Again, I don''t think so," I explain.

    "Easy enough to say when you are still benefitting from the risk," Ed contests and I sigh, looking up from my drawing.

    "I can see how it looks that way," I respond. "But let me tell you this. As someone benefiting, sort of, from that mistake, if I had to go back and do it over again, I wouldn''t. Because I don''t know if I would survive again. I wouldn''t be as effective as I am now, but I would be more effective than as a corpse. What it boils down to is, I can''t explain what it was like, not really. There is something called ''informed consent'' that is necessary for things like this. As the only person who has been through this, I am the only person who really understands what it''s like. It would be impossible for you to have the level of information necessary to really consent. So. Best case scenario, I torture you but you are lucky to survive for now. Most likely scenario..." I trail off.

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    "Fine, fine, I get that you aren''t going to use it on other people. It seems like a waste, but whatever. Still, is there any way to speed this up?" he asks and I just chuckle. He did apologize and we are on better terms, but he''s still Ed I guess.

    "I''ll have you know that''s a better circle than the king himself has. Well, as far as quantity and speed goes. It''s going as fast as possible. Hang in there buddy, the longer you wait, the stronger you will be," I promise. I pull my drawing away from myself and compare it to Gilbert''s. Damn. I am not a bad artist. If I were my circle would have been much harder to draw. But he really is quite a bit better. Oh well. I look to the side and see Gilbert himself, far too close and looking at my drawing. I jump a little and he puts his hand on his chin.

    "It''s good, when you''re older maybe you''ll be better than me," he says. I know he can''t know that I am actually older than him, but I narrow my eyes at him anyway. "Why such a goofy character? He doesn''t seem like the kind of person you would draw." I open my mouth to respond, but our conversation is interrupted as my Mom walks in. She holds another bowl of stew which Gilbert happily and greedily takes from her.

    "Lily, your friend is awake," she whispers to me and I hop out of the chair.

    "Thanks, Mom, you''re an angel," I reply, giving her a kiss on the cheek before rushing down the stairs to the room Leo is in. As I burst in I see Sara and Leo giggling together as Leo holds a bowl of stew in his lap. "What''s so funny?" I inquire and both just erupt in a new bout of laughter.

    "Nothing at all, don''t worry a bit," Sara assures me and I narrow my eyes at her.

    "Well, I wasn''t until you said that," I accuse, rubbing the back of my neck. In all my years of walking in on people talking about me, this is the most obvious it has ever been. I shrug it off. There are worse ways to be discussed than with friendly laughter, I suppose.

    I sit down on the other side of the bed and hold the back of my hand to Leo''s head. He hasn''t had a fever, but it just feels like the thing to do. Sara is giving me an odd look, but I file that away for a later worry. "How are you feeling bud," I ask and he sits up.

    "Honestly, like new. I should have come here days ago," he assures me and I smile in relief for a moment before I give him a serious look.

    "Leo, this can''t happen again. Will you tell me who hurt you?" I ask and he holds a hand up to stop me. The mirthful expression fades and he returns my look.

    "No, Lily. This is something I have to handle. If it gets bad, I''ll go to my sponsor, I promise. But please, just leave it alone," he begs and I bite my lip in frustration. There is nothing in this world that''s harder than letting a friend get hurt because they don''t want your help. But it''s his choice to make. "Besides, I am more worried about you," he adds and I look at him in confusion.

    "Why?" I ask. I haven''t told him about most of my activities. Surely Sara didn''t say something. Why is he worried about me?

    "It''s those noble kids you spend all your time with. You can''t trust them, Lily. They hate people like us. They will always hate people like us, you know that. Every day you get closer to them, they''ll just... you''ll end up in worse shape than me," he pleads with me and I grimace. I knew he had a habit of disappearing whenever Autumn or August appeared, but I didn''t realize he was so concerned for me.

    "Yeah. The world they grew up in hates us, you are right. And in order to stay comfortable in that world their entire lives, they would have to hate us too, in one way or another. But... I don''t know. They are still so bright-eyed. Uncorrupted by the sins of their families. They were born into that world; they didn''t choose it. And I think they genuinely care. And if you and I ever want a better life, we are going to need friends. Some of those friends are going to be nobles," I explain but he is shaking his head before I am done.

    "No, Lillith," he insists, "It is part of them, to hate us. You know what I mean. There is no world where they will ever accept us. You have had Lord Godfrey behind you this entire time, and it''s been easier for you to distract from who you really are. So maybe you don''t realize this, but it is not safe out there. Not for us. Not anywhere. You can''t trust them."

    I sit there in silence for a moment. Then I come to a decision. I have been promising him help for a long time, and he has always wanted to wait until after school. But maybe I don''t need to know who hurt him if I want to protect him. Maybe, I can offer him an alternative. Maybe I can help him in a different way, for now. I give Sara a look. She has been politely quiet the entire time, but I look down with my eyes, and she gives me an almost imperceptible nod. "Will you come with me, Leo? I want to show you something. We can pick this conversation up afterward."

    He examines me skeptically, lets a sharp breath out of his nose, and nods. "Alright. But I doubt you''ll change my mind about any of this, and if you don''t, promise to seriously consider my warning. You need to cut the nobles from your life. Every last one of them," he replies.

    "It''s a deal," I agree. He deserves to see what we can offer anyway. And maybe I can keep him safe. Besides, considering it doesn''t mean I have to follow through. It''s a simple promise to make. Suddenly, I remember my drawing. "Oh, Sara," I add and she looks up at me again, "Here, I drew the Mad Hatter for you." I hand her the drawing and she looks confused as she examines the caricature.

    "Lily, this is a bit... insulting," she chuckles.

    "Ouch," I retort as Leo gathers himself and climbs out of the bed. I reach to take the drawing back, but she pulls it away and folds it up.

    "I didn''t say I didn''t like it. Alright, should we get going?" She addresses the room. I shrug and we shuffle out of the room together. She does give me one last furrowed brow look, but I''ll ask her about it later. Right now, Leo is more important.

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    Lily actually... forgot to wear her mask today. I suppose she was too worried about her friend to think of it. But she isn''t ugly or horribly disfigured at all. She has a scar, but it doesn''t look bad. The only surprising thing is she looks... really young. In retrospect, I should have expected this. She looks the same age as the kids she had with her when we met. She looks the same age as Leo, and as I was when I was left in the Radiant Woods.

    She has always just... acted so much older than that. I always assumed she was older but... I guess she is. Still, her face doesn''t look like her. It''s a weird thought to have the first time you see someone but... it doesn''t. It''s too young for the woman I have been speaking to all this time. Something about that feels unpleasant. Disappointing in a way. Maybe I was hoping she wore the mask because she was like me? I suppose it is a bit sad we don''t have that in common, but I wouldn''t have expected it to bother me. In fact, I should be happy for her.

    Actually, if she forgot to put it on, that must mean she doesn''t wear it all the time. I glance at her again and her cheeks flush a little for some reason. Does she only wear it around me? I''m left to wonder why she would do that as we depart to show Leo everything we have been doing.

 Chapter 50 - The Science of Mana

    Leo

    I am still having trouble processing what Lily showed me yesterday. I reach a hand to my side and rub the spot that had been causing me so much pain. I''ve done this countless times since her friend healed me. I can''t believe how much better it is. With that and what I saw yesterday... part of me wonders if she might be right. I had no idea she was doing so much, and the promise of everything she has done sounds... phenomenal. Maybe her friend really can help me and my master.

    I want to believe all of that. I want to throw myself into the new world Lily offered me. But... they didn''t heal the real damage. If she doesn''t abandon her hopes of getting help from nobles, nothing will change. The bruises and the broken bones were agonizing, but it was the fear they brought with them that I needed to heal. I had only let my guard down for a moment. I had, like Lily, leaned on the protection of my sponsor too much. But not everyone on this campus has anything to fear from master.

    So, when I found a stray cat, I stayed on campus to take care of her. She was like me, with nowhere safe to go. Like me, she didn''t trust a stranger offering help and wouldn''t go with me. So I collected what I could and built a shelter for her. Somewhere warm, with a little food. For the first time in a long time, I''d felt pretty good about myself but... by the time I was done, the gates were closed. I couldn''t leave to find a safe inn. I had to go to my dorm. I did tense when Iris passed me on the path. I walked faster when she turned to follow.

    But she isn''t of high standing, and she should have been too afraid to attack me openly. So I told myself I was still safe. It was just one night; it would be okay if I got to my assigned room, closed the door, and didn''t leave until my next class. Iris alone wouldn''t do anything dangerous. But she wasn''t alone. Just as I was approaching the dorm, another girl stepped out from behind some foliage. Jocelyn. My blood ran cold.

    Jocelyn''s family was important. Just as important as my master''s. She couldn''t publicly hurt me. It would ultimately harm both families if she did. But here, in the dark, with no witnesses? It would be her word against mine. Which means I would have to get my master involved myself. I couldn''t do that. Not without risking everything she has worked for. Not against Jocelyn''s family. Which meant, I just had to take it. I couldn''t fight back. I couldn''t get help.

    The two girls had left me, beaten and bloodied, maybe a hundred paces from my bed. I woke up in the middle of the path, hours later, and honestly surprised to be alive. That''s the damage they did. Not my broken body, but the surprise at the parts that were left. That''s why I can''t sign onto any future that relies on people like them. Again I rub my healed side, and again I wonder when it will next be broken, and if it will be Lily''s friends who do it next time.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    I''m a bit disappointed. I had hoped, once he saw what I was doing, Leo would have wanted to be part of it. But his wounds were too fresh. It had obviously been nobles that hurt him in the first place and he''s rightfully distrustful of anything that involves them. But I can''t write them off either. Nobles are born nobles. It''s not a choice they make, not until they are adults. Even then, the level of choice they have depends on a wide variety of factors. Women married off at fourteen or men who remain under their father''s authority into adulthood don''t always have the option of saying ''No, this is wrong.''

    So, as I tune out of the tail end of math class, I have to worry about my friend. How can I protect him and give everyone the option to do better at the same time? As I consider this dilemma, a loud ''Thunk'' startles me back to the present. As I look around I notice a few things. Hugh is staring acid through me, but he has been doing as much since I got here and doesn''t demand much attention. The cause of the noise seems to be a girl in the middle who fell asleep and right out of her seat. The most interesting observation, however, is Professor Clarrise. Rather than unamused and angry, she seems rattled.

    I give her a closer look. I''m sitting closer to the front than usual and I can perceive a slight tremor in her hands as she recovers and smooths out her dress. This merits more investigation, and as she dismisses us I decide to approach her with a more discerning eye. I slowly make my way to the front exit, making sure I walk past her as I do. She is anxiously packing up her things, and I notice extra makeup under her eyes. Not like one might use to cover a bruise, but to conceal the dark circles of weariness. She could just be exhausted, having done her job it is more than plausible. Nevertheless, I note her name down in my journal.

    On a campus this size, I always feel my mana responding to at least one source of grief. This is true now as well and I decide, when I get the chance, to approach her in isolation so I can determine if she is one of them. At the moment, however, I need to go to my science of mana class. My science of mana and aspecting classes are the only ones I find truly useful. My history courses have basically taught me that, well, they didn''t know how this all started. Math was... fairly pointless at my level. But my mana classes... they help me a lot.

    It is perhaps not shocking that I couldn''t learn all there is to know from Godfrey''s bookshop. In retrospect, if he weren''t actually a Duke, it''s unlikely I would have found resources like I did. That probably should have clued me in, actually. In any case, These are the classes that will lead me to the types of enchantments I came here to learn. Science of mana was a bit of a disappointment at first, truth be told. It, as with math, primarily covered concepts I already understood. Based on the Syllabus, however, that is supposed to change today.

    I use that hurried walk unique to college students to make my way down the complex paths to the building my next class is in. This class has passed me by in a blur so far, but as I enter the room and pick a seat near the front, I am already paying rapt attention. It''s not long before the severe professor Hira walks in to address as the typical chatter dies down. As is her way, she launches right into the lecture with little fanfare.

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    "Mana and cognition," she begins. "Mana is, in a way, our perception made reality. A mana aspect is the form the energy of the world takes when we enforce our will on it. It is literally the reality of our minds imposed on pure mana. Please focus, students, on the word ''reality''. It is not something we can picture clearly. It is not something we really want to be true. It is reality, as we see it. This is why two water mages may be capable of entirely different spells. One may be able to shoot water like a projectile while the other can only fill a bowl. Any ideas why this is?"

    "Mana capacity?" A student in the middle ventures and she shakes her head.

    "No. Well, yes and no, but mostly no. And mana can be conjured anywhere, so by constantly applying mana to a conjured element, you can propel it on its own. This is not always the most effective, however, and it is mana-intensive. That is not the answer I am looking for. No, the reason is simple. The first mage may observe water traveling quickly through the air. Perhaps as rain, or a waterfall. Perhaps from another mage''s spell. But they observe it, and they believe this is how it works. When this mage aspects water mana, the mana assumes the image of water as the mage understands it, and the water will fly on its own.

    "The other mage, however, knows that water needs to be propelled through the air somehow. When this mage aspects water mana, he must either keep mana flowing through it or find another way to propel it. Perhaps another form of mana or by creating a large quantity in a small space and counting on pressure. What matters is, each mage imposes their understanding of water on mana, and that is the form the mana takes," she explains and a dozen questions pop into my head.

    A boy a few seats away from me asks first, however. "So, we can make mana do anything if we believe hard enough?" he asks. Hira gives him an unamused stare.

    "No," she dismisses. "In theory, this may be possible, but it''s not so simple as that. If I wanted mana that would make me fly through the air, for instance, I couldn''t just decide to believe humans can fly. The mind is far more rigid than that. I know people fall, so I can''t aspect flight mana and fly. I''m an educated woman. I know fire needs fuel to burn, so I can''t aspect fire mana that burns forever. Even if I want to believe otherwise, my belief has to be genuine."

    "So why do we learn about all of this stuff? If you taught us from childhood that fire burned on its own, wouldn''t we be more powerful mages?" a girl asks. I kind of understand the concept. In a way, I have a major disadvantage with mana aspects. I know how things work on a far deeper and more detailed level than, well, pretty much anyone. This means I understand limitations on aspects, and limit myself more than any other mage.

    On the other hand, there is her example of flight. I know people fall, but I also know why. I know that force can be applied in any direction, and can therefore use it to lift myself. The concept of force isn''t nonexistent in this world of course, but it''s not understood as its own concept in the same way a physics equation might represent it. They aren''t exactly wrong either, but my understanding of the concept allows it to exist on its own in a unique way. And, with enough mana, I can fly.

    So I do have a disadvantage, but I have an advantage as well. "Well, no," Professor Hira reponds. "Because what happens when the two mages I mentioned earlier fight? The mage who misunderstands water has the initial advantage, yes, but what if, in the middle of the fight, he observes his opponent''s water magic and realizes his previous understanding is wrong? Well, he can no longer grasp his own water aspect. He loses access to his spell and has to try to aspect water again with an entirely new understanding. If his perception changes, the aspect based on it disappears. So education provides you with stability."

    This makes sense from a certain angle, but it also feels wrong. What if someone knows how something really works and I can trick them into believing something false? That could be a handy trick, if hard to pull off. I guess that''s what she means though. The more educated you are, the more stable your understanding of a concept and the harder it is to shake your aspect. But that''s not the part that really bothers me.

    "What about mana circles?" I finally chime in. "What about runes? They have aspects. Circles can also imbue someone with a specialized mana. Can a shifting understanding change that?"

    "An excellent question, Lady Lillith," she responds, clapping her hands. "I see your tutors were more skilled than your stylists. Lillith makes an excellent point, class. Mana circles target bone and flesh to give us mana. As she pointed out, they can give us aspects like fire or water we can use without aspecting them ourselves. It''s simply the type of mana we have in our bodies in this case. Aspects gained this way always work exactly the same way as well. The same limitations and strengths. It''s why we can enchant objects with reliable results. It''s also why we can''t enchant things or circles with endoaspects. Because runes are consistent but limited.

    "The answer to this is simple. Runes were a gift from the Collector. These aren''t aspects of our perception but of his. His rules, and his laws. In a way, this is how we know as much as we do about the world. His perception of fire is, of course, correct. So if you emulate mana created by runes, you know you have the correct understanding of the concept and therefore an unshakeable aspect," she finishes. My face falls.

    That can''t possibly be the answer. Runes and mana must be related in some other way. They are the Collector''s design? That doesn''t feel right at all. Even the thought makes my tattoo itch and my stomach churn. And it doesn''t get me any closer to my goal. This is starting to feel like my history classes. But maybe I am just being stubborn. It''s not impossible. I just... can''t stand the Collector and don''t want to believe it. But even if it''s true, I need to understand how he did it. Right now, I need to understand something else first, however.

    "What about communication orbs? What type of mana do they use?" I finally ask. If there is one thing I need to more successfully organize people, it''s effective communication. I assume some sort of light and sound runes are involved, but I can''t figure out how simple orbs are translating things like a phone might.

    "Well, that''s an interesting question. But I''m afraid I can''t answer that one any differently. Those are relics of the temple. Gifts of the Collector themselves. The rest of us have no idea how to make them," she answers.

    Well, fuck. That is not amazing news. But just as I am cursing to myself, I remember the mana-measuring device. The thing that reminded me of divine magic in its effect.

    "What about the, uh... fork they use to measure our mana capacity? Is that a relic of the temple too?" I follow up and her eyebrows raise.

    "As a matter of fact, they are, how did you connect the two?" she inquires.

    I tune out, however. I am focused on the possibility of communication orbs using divine magic rather than mana enchantments. Like many times before, I bless the fucking stars that I met Sarafyna.

 Chapter 51 - Monsters

    "Um, I''m not sure. I would have to see one. I don''t really know anything about that sort of thing," Sara responds absentmindedly. I''m excited to find out if we can start building long-distance communication now, but it doesn''t surprise me that she''s not really present at the moment. Tonight is the first time I am taking her with me to a noble''s house. She usually waits at a safe house to help with transport and escape, but I worry I may need backup tonight. "What''s that for, by the way?" she asks, pointing at the garlic I am tucking into a pouch at my waist.

    "This? Well, I''m testing out a theory of sorts. It''s related to a myth from Earth," I begin and her eyes light up. She really enjoys stories about Earth, whether they be my travels, stories, history, or even politics. "We have stories of a kind of vampire. They are, more or less, a metaphor for our version of nobility. They have fangs to drink the blood of victims and feed people their blood when they want to create a new vampire. They are afraid of the light and only come out at night, among a few other things. When I think about it, I''m a bit similar.

    "I feed my blood, or at least a toxin distilled from it, to targets. I have fangs, and I only hunt at night. On a superficial level, I have some similarities with them. That''s what gave me the idea. See, priests are clearly aware of the victims of the Radiant Woods. I don''t understand what function they serve yet, but based on how they were used against me, my theory is they are at least partially meant as weapons. I don''t think it''s their primary purpose, but ultimately it doesn''t matter. If the temple has revealed their existence to royalty at any point in the last thousands of years, either as a weapon or a potential future for the defiant, we can use it against them," I begin to rant.

    "How so?" Sara inquires as she laces up her boots. I don''t respond right away as I watch her. This is the first time I have convinced her to dress in something more practical, like me, and it really suits her. That familiar little flutter runs through my veins as I see the look of focus on her face mixing with rapt attention to my words. I have found myself going on long tirades about even small topics around her, and she never seems to get bored. It''s a little strange, feeling that burst of emotion when I see someone but having no heartbeat to increase. "Lily?" she asks again. I''m glad she uses my nickname instead of ''Lillith''. It just feels... good. "Annie?" she tries and something about that makes me feel warm.

    Then, I realize why she is saying my name repeatedly and snap out of it. "Oh, sorry, I got lost in thought. What were we talking about?" I apologize. She gives me a confused look.

    "Using the temple''s victims against them?" she reminds me and I nod.

    "Right. So, let''s say you are in the upper ranks of the nobility. You have some sort of complex agreement with the temple, but you both want to be in power. You support each other, but you probably don''t trust each other, right?" I ask and she nods.

    "Alright, probably not. So...?" she pushes.

    "So, what happens if a supposed monster, something you believe to be in control of the church, shows up and starts hunting your allies and stealing your assets?" Sara''s eyes widen as I see the light turn on.

    "I assume I am under attack," she guesses and I snap my fingers to indicate she hit the nail on the head. "But... what if the nobility doesn''t know about the victims in the forest or their connection to the church? What if they don''t assume it''s a monster at all?" she challenges.

    "Well, in the first case, the plan falls flat, but it provides information. If there is no reaction, or they react like anyone would at a fairy tale come to life, I now know a little more about the dynamic between the temple and the upper nobility. But if they react with hostility to the church... that''s killing two birds with one stone," I say and she looks at me with horror.

    "Why would you want to do that?" she asks and I choke on a laugh.

    "I wouldn''t! It''s just an expression from Earth. I don''t as a matter of habit, stone birds to death, I promise!" She gives me the same look you might give a stranger who passes gas in an elevator.

    "What a horrible expression," she laments and I chuckle, which elicits an adorable pout.

    "Anyway," I get back on track, "as for your second question, that''s partially what the garlic is for. It ties everyone I handle back to a single entity. Obviously, they will assume magic was used, but the garlic leads them to the conclusion a single person is responsible. As for the monster portion, well, there are often witnesses. Servants, mostly, but sometimes bystanders if I don''t find them at home. There is no magic that kills with a touch, although I suppose poison mana may exist. But I also showcase my strength and fangs. I fight like a monster or demon, and let the rumors spread. They don''t need to be certain, they just have to suspect, and it will at least plant a seed of conflict between our enemies," I finish and she nods contemplatively as we exit the safe house, ready to head to our destination.

    We travel through the quiet streets, passing from the poorly maintained and run-down homes to the extravagant and richly decorated estates of the nobility. After some quiet, she speaks again. "I still don''t understand the choice of garlic. Why that specifically?"

    "Oh, garlic is one of a vampire''s supposed weaknesses. As are churches and religious iconography in general, actually," I respond and she looks at me with a furrowed brow.

    "If it''s a weakness, why would you leave it behind yourself?" she questions.

    "That was something of an impulse decision, but you can think of it as one of my silly references, but with meaning. It''s sort of a reminder for myself. Think of everything we are doing to fight these people. I want both groups to know they don''t own us. They don''t own anything. I emulate a monster that represents the wealthy as I tear down the building blocks of wealth. I leave garlic, a weakness of that monster, as a calling card of sorts. Because that is what we are. We are everything they are proud of turned against them. Everything they use to prop up their power, every supposed weakness they use to control us... I want them to grow to fear every single one. When they see garlic, they will remember why they can no longer sleep in safety and security. When they see the muzzle over our jaws, they will be reminded of the fangs underneath." With that, we arrive at the estate we are targeting.

    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

    A nobleman, well-liked and respected by his peers. He is known for ''treating his slaves well'' as if believing he owns them isn''t a mutually exclusive concept. Whenever someone says they treat their slaves well, they always mean they don''t treat them quite as poorly, which is an entirely different concept. In either case, it won''t save him. He is one of the more powerful mages I have gone after, hence my request for Sara''s help. But it shouldn''t be too dangerous. Before tonight, I had secured an invitation to a party and watched him drink a cocktail spiked with toxins. All I need is a touch and he will end.

    I flood my hood with light mana to completely conceal my face and we creep through the estate. While I use sound and light to mask our presence, Sara begins to reshape her body. It''s always fascinating, on a biological level, to watch her do this. It''s like her body becomes gelatin and squirms about until it has a new shape. It''s gross when taken at face value but all things considered, it''s amazing. One arm turns into three muscular tentacles, her face grows multiple eyes, and razor-sharp talons grow from her other hand. "You don''t have to do that, you know. You are backup in case of my failure; you can, uh, dress more comfortably until something goes wrong," I reassure but she shakes her head.

    "You want people to see a monster? I can offer that far better than you can," she answers and I pause, my voice heavy with concern as I respond.

    "You aren''t a monster, Sara. You shouldn''t have to pretend to be one just for my silly idea," I say. This will actually lend a lot of extra credence to the rumors, but with Sara''s insecurities about this, I don''t think it''s really worth it. Yes, she should use her abilities and grow comfortable with them, but intentionally showing people her abilities with the intent of being mistaken as a monster could be a bridge too far. I don''t want her hurting more than she already is.

    "No. I don''t want to feel like a monster. I don''t want to face people I care about and wonder if that''s what they think of me. But these people? To them, I am happy to be a monster," she challenges. Her jaw sets and I see a furious look behind her... many eyes that she rarely portrays. I consider arguing further, but decide this isn''t the time. It is her choice to make, after all. It''s also not time to be seen yet. If all goes well, I can reach the target as he sleeps and touch him before there is a fight. Then, we can make a scene on our way out, after the real threat has been dispatched.

    We make it to the main estate and creep through the halls. I am proficient enough with radar now that I can avoid anyone in the estate with ease, although it is hard to maintain alongside my illusions and sound barrier. I also have to pay attention, not just to the spell but to my environment. It''s extremely taxing but there aren''t as many close calls as usual. We make it through the richly decorated mansion and to the largest bed chamber. I can see one person in the center of the room, and I gently push the door open and slide in. Sara waits outside to keep watch as I release the various spells making up my radar spell.

    It''s dangerous, but I have to see the man''s face before I kill him and the radar lights make that impossible. Silently, I walk across the room and examine him. He is sleeping, peacefully in his silk sheets. I pull my glove off and reach one hand out to end him in his sleep, but just before I make contact, his eyes fly open. Mana surges around him in an instant and I feel myself flying across the room before I can react. The mana is a pale orange, and I can''t quite make out what its aspect is. Whatever it is is powerful and radiates heat, and I collide with the half-open door and fly past Sarafyna, hitting the wall on the opposite side of the hallway.

    "So it''s you," the furious man growls, "The cowardly mage that has been hunting my friends. Did you really think you could just walk in here and kill me like a dog?" I groan a bit but recover my feet quickly, forming a force spell to strike back. My mana collides with his in midair and both effects fail to form, for now. We both pour more and more mana into overpowering the other until it becomes clear he is more powerful than me, and by a wider margin than he should be.

    It''s then that I realize why he woke up when he did. He has some kind of endoaspect himself. I rarely meet mages like this, and I always maintain the advantage when I do. But of course, this man''s ''kindness'' to his slaves doesn''t extend to thinking about them when they aren''t needed, and their housing is further from the main mansion than many others. I can sense maybe one or two in the mansion at this hour, likely present to attend to him at night in one way or another. But they aren''t enough, and I am losing. He pushes against my mana and advances on me. Neither of us can tell what the other''s aspect is, which makes it difficult to counter it naturally. We are stuck in a battle of pure power.

    I feel the pressure of his aura bearing down on me as I lose the exchange, but panic fails to set in. For one, I still only need to get to him and touch him once. My other trump card makes herself known as soon as he passes through the door. Sarafyna strikes like a viper, her tentacles wrapping around him and her own mana pushing against his as well. She still can''t cast spells with it, but she doesn''t need to in this type of contest.

    Whatever his mana is, something heat adjacent if not quite heat, it hurts her. Her flesh boils and pops as it enters his aura but it heals just as quickly. The grimace her mutated face makes only serves to strike the fear of god in him, and with both our mana the scales have been tipped. Now, I begin to push him back, with Sara''s help. She is causing as much pain as he is as well, her skin coated with some kind of corrosive substance that burns and melts his bare chest as he struggles for freedom.

    "W-wait, you have the wrong man, I''m a kind man, I- I''ll join the rebellion! All hail the true king!" he begs as he realizes the tides have turned. I don''t waste time thinking about his assumption, as both he and Sara suffer the longer this goes on. I push through our warring mana and wrap my hand around his throat. The effects are immediate. The discoloration and the bulging veins spread from his neck to the rest of his body like ink in water. He spasms in Sara''s grip for a few seconds before slumping over, dead. He drank multiple glasses of the poison, hundreds of times a lethal dose. As visceral a death as it is, it ends him as quickly as any blade.

    Sara lets his body drop and focuses on healing her burns as we both slump. That was far more difficult than planned, and I am glad I had her with me. As we catch our breath, I feel my mana growing more powerful by a bit, and I look around. A haggard man, perhaps in his forties or fifties stares at us. He has permanent frown lines and his hair grows in a ring around his head. He looks ill and wears a servant''s uniform that fails to cover the slave mark on his neck. I stand to greet him and tell him we mean him no harm, but stop as I see all of Sara''s eyes widen and begin to water. She whispers in a tone so low it would be incomprehensible if not for the dead silence surrounding us.

    "D-dad?"

 Chapter 52 - Hat in Hand

    Sarafyna

    This had been what I wanted. Lily had promised to find him, and I knew this was part of it. But I am frozen with warring emotions. I am panic, joy, fear, shame, relief, and everything else all at once. My heart wants to tear its way from my chest with how it''s beating. My father is here. He''s alive, and I am seeing him again! I look at the corpse I just discarded with my grotesquely mutated arm. I look back at my father, the horror and fear seizing his face. I feel sick.

    "D-Dad?" I whisper, then a second later, "You''re alive?" I say as I take a step closer to him. His eyes widen and his mouth opens slightly, then he scrambles to his feet, turns, and runs. I look at the tentacles I have been subconsciously reaching toward him and open my mouth again, but nothing comes out. What have I done? It was exactly like I feared when I first learned how to leave the Radiant Woods. There is no home left for me with my father. Not as I am now. All this time and... he ran from me. I stumble against the wall, my body reforming into its human form as I do. I don''t notice the usual discomfort, like mud flowing beneath my flesh.

    I just feel agony. The look of horror on his face will be with me for the rest of my life. He was disgusted by me. I''d called him dad and he couldn''t get away from me fast enough. Why would he react any differently, after what he just witnessed? I turn, pressing my back to the wall and sliding to the floor, then hide my face in my now human hands. I am so tired. Lily runs to my side, crouches in front of me, and puts her hand on my shoulder. She is speaking to me but I can''t hear her. She can''t say anything to make this better.

    A howl escapes my lips, like a dying animal. All this control over my body and I can''t stop the tears and snot from running down my face. It''s no wonder these scars won''t heal. It''s not just because they aren''t my body, but because they are me. I am the monster from the Radiant Woods. Not the one Lily is pretending to be. I am a creature, too far gone to face her own, kindly father. I can''t stop the sobbing. I don''t even know if I want to. I don''t want to do anything, and I don''t know if I can.

    Then, another hand falls on my other shoulder. I don''t understand, and as I fight through my gasping cries I look up at its owner. My eyes are bleary and confused as his form takes shape, and when I can make him out I don''t believe it. It''s my father. Did he come... back? But... I thought he was... Then I look down. He is holding something. Offering it to me with a badly shaking hand. It''s wood, with a smooth dome on top of a stand. I reach out and hesitantly accept it, trying to process what''s happening. The wood is old. Years old, at least. But it''s been well maintained. Regularly polished and cared for.

    It''s a hat block. My eyes widen. It''s the hat block. The gift I was supposed to receive after my first confession. How did he still have it? He lost everything, he was sold into slavery, and he managed to keep and care for this? His tremoring hand, now free, reaches up and glides against my cheek.

    "S-Sara, I knew you were alive. I knew it, I knew it..." he repeats. "I am so sorry. I don''t know what happened to you. I can see so much has happened to you. It''s my fault, it''s all my fault. I should have kept running. I should have listened when you said you were afraid. I should have pushed harder, caught up with the wagon, and taken you home. Please, Sara, can you forgive me? Can you ever forgive me?" I stare at him in shock. This isn''t his fault, how could he believe that? Lily is staring at me, I think. It''s hard to tell with the black void of her hood, but she hasn''t looked at my father once.

    Then, the shouting starts and she moves. "I''ll take care of this, wait here," is all she says before practically flying down the hall. I can hear loud noises and clattering as she fights off any guards responding to the commotion. With this, she buys me time to look at my dad. In a moment, I push off the wall and wrap my arms around him. I don''t understand, but even with my body like it was and the half-naked corpse in my... tentacles, he still came back. He heard me when I called for him. He maybe even recognized me. By my hair, maybe?

    "Dad, no. It''s not your fault. I''ve never once blamed you. It''s not your fault. It''s not your fault Pappa. It''s mine. You have been a slave for, I don''t know how long. I could have come to find you years ago but... Dad, I was afraid. I''m not who I used to be. I''m not what I used to be. So I didn''t. I stayed where I was and let you hurt, Dad I''m so sorry!" I plead and his arms tighten around me.

    "Sara, please. I am your father, and I let all of this happen. Let me take responsibility. I just... I knew you were alive. I knew it. I... I took care of the block. I couldn''t keep the shop. I wanted to but I couldn''t do it. After what happened I... but I took care of the block," he stumbles and I understand what he''s trying to say. My fingers tighten around the smooth wood of the finest gift I have ever received. It''s probably pressing against my father''s back but neither of us can be bothered to care. I hear a loud clang and a guard flies up against the wall at the end of the hall, then slumps over.

    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.

    "Dad, we need to go," I finally say and he nods, pulling away from me. "Um... I have to help her. Can you... not watch me too closely?" I ask, looking back at the body of the man he had seen me kill. The amount of grief I see behind his eyes reminds me of who I have become. It''s like a vast ocean and I drown in it. But it''s not what I thought. It''s not fear, and it''s not disgust. It''s guilt, because his little girl is now me, and it''s so, so much worse. Because, whatever he says, I did find my way out of the woods years ago. While he was polishing and caring for a gift for me, I was too afraid to come find him. He doesn''t deserve this guilt.

    But I have to face who I am now, and I have to help Lily. So I let that same feeling of wading through my own skin return, and I retake the form of the monster from the Radiant Woods, and I lead my father down the hallway. Lillith is tearing through the guards like they are wet parchment. She doesn''t need my help fighting. I just need to be seen by the fleeing servants.

    "Who is she?" my father asks as we see her, flying through the room and removing the guards that have been responsible for his captivity.

    "She''s... a friend," I answer. "She saved me. Gave me myself back. She''s the reason we are here now. The reason we can see each other again." He watches her with frowning eyes.

    "I think we have a lot to talk about. Is she... doing all that for me?" he asks, clear worry decorating his voice. I shake my head.

    "No. She is doing that for everyone. Dad, I have so much to show you, you are going to be amazed. She and I... we are doing something important. You can finally rest. You should have stopped working before... everything. But you don''t have to worry anymore!" I explain, growing excited. He gives me a weary, baleful look.

    "I will always have to worry, Sara. But thank you. I would love to see... whatever it is. And if you trust that woman, I will too," he replies. The skepticism in his voice hurts, a little, but I understand it. He is such a kind man, what he is looking at can''t be easy. I wince as we watch Lily crush a man''s head against the banister of the stairs before throwing another down them with mana. I don''t know why, but part of me really worries about his opinion of her. I want him to like her. If only they could have met while she was telling one of her stories from Earth. Why couldn''t it have been when she was carefree and laughing about some cute reference only she understands?

    But it''s too late for that now. That will have to come later when we have brought him to safety. I don''t even know why I am thinking about that right now. Of the various anxieties rushing through my head, it is a relatively small one, but it occupies a greater degree of my attention than it should. I don''t know what to do with that, so I just push it to the back of my mind. We have other things to worry about; it''s a bit embarrassing I am letting myself think about that.

    "Dad, we need to go find the others. Lily isn''t just here for you, but to bring everyone to safety. Then... we can catch up. I can tell you what I have been through, and you can do the same. You can get to know Lily when she''s not... doing that," I say as she crushes the final guard. She then turns back and rejoins us.

    "Are you two alright?" she asks, barely even out of breath. I should have helped her more, but she doesn''t seem bothered by it. I nod and she moves on. It really isn''t the time for an in-depth analysis of our emotional states. "Alright, we need to get moving. This was a particularly loud one, there could be other mages on their way. We need to find the worker housing," she follows up.

    "I-I can show you where that is," my father interjects, actually half raising his hand like a kid.

    "Lead the way," she invites. "We''ll keep you safe, I promise." And so he does. While I transform into a less terrifying form, he gives her a worried look, but pushes past her and leads us first to another room in the mansion where a couple of young girls sleep, then to the offsite housing for the field workers. It takes some work to convince the group to follow us, but my father smooths things along. Just like when I was growing up, he knows how to connect with people. He makes you want to trust him. To believe in him. He connects with people and holds them together. As always, he takes the emotional burden on himself so the people around him can be happy.

    He has clearly been doing this for them for a long time, and they trust him like I always did. All this time, and he is still him. He is so, completely and thoroughly, my father. The man I have always trusted more than anyone. It makes me want to cry again. It makes me feel like I am coming home. This is what was missing when I went to visit my old neighborhood. This is why it felt so foreign. Because my childhood was here, in his gentle words and kind smile.

    As we finally make our way back to the safe house, I give him a look. "How long has it been, Dad?" I ask. "Where I was... it was hard to track the time. How long have I been gone?"

    He looks at me like warm rain. "Nine years, Sara. It has been nine years."

 Chapter 53 - Midterms

    Lillith

    I rub my temples as I walk. It is finally time for midterms, which is fine for the most part, but I have too much on my plate. I''m not in danger of failing or anything, I just... don''t give a shit about basic math. I certainly don''t care about the most incomplete history in, well, history. Sitting through testing has pretty much never been on my list of top ten hobbies, but I just don''t have the energy for it this week. It''s been an eventful couple of months.

    Sara has been on a roller coaster since we found her father, and it''s been something to see. She is overly defensive of me, which pushes a gentle smile on my lips. She doesn''t need to be, however. Her father is a kind man. He responded better than could reasonably be expected to his long-lost daughter going eldritch horror on a half-naked man. She is obviously concerned about the circumstances of her reunion, not just on her behalf but on mine. But her father has been nothing but kind to me. Admittedly, I haven''t seen him much in the days since we got him out of the city, but still.

    Then there is what happened when he handed her that hat block. I couldn''t take my eyes off of her. She looked into her father''s eyes, and her scars were gone. Her marred flesh had healed. I don''t think she even realized it; she was so absorbed in the moment. By the time I had cleared the building of threats, she was in full Lovecraft mode again, and the next time she took her human form the scars were back. I almost doubt I saw what I did. I want to ask her about it but... she seems to understand something about them that I don''t already. I need to let her open up first.

    Nevertheless, I am fiercely curious. I think there may be some clue about the nature of divine magic there. Or maybe there is just a clue about Sara''s emotional state. I have to admit, I''m not certain which possibility interests me more. I keep wondering until my curiosity turns to daydreaming as I wander the vibrant green paths of campus. Before I know it, I am standing in front of Leo''s new favorite restaurant. His opinion on the old one had soured while I was on suspension, and he won''t tell me why, but I don''t mind.

    The new place is more to my taste anyway. It''s smaller, more affordable, and they don''t defile any of their food with the devil''s fruit. I still glare at the pastry stand with the pears whenever I pass it. Leo is waiting for me outside, and I wave as I approach. "Leo, good morning!" I greet and he lights up as he sees me.

    "Lily, you made it! Shall we?" he invites and we enter the building. We haven''t talked about our last, tense conversation but we know where the other stands. I understand why he would be particularly wary of nobles, and I certainly don''t trust most of them. I can''t fault him for wanting to feel safe. I''m in a better situation than he is, and I need allies more desperately. I have the luxury of trusting the twins and other nobles a bit. After I shared everything with him, he seemed to understand why I take advantage of that luxury.

    So things aren''t as tense as they could be. But I still hope he will take my offer, and he still hopes I will cut off the twins entirely. We sit down at a small booth in the cozy dining room and wait for the waiter to find us. "Have you thought about my offer?" I poke, hoping he has come around. He looks longingly out the window for a moment before responding.

    "I want to, Lily. I really do. It''s everything I have ever wanted, you know that but... I owe too much to my master. I don''t know where I would be without her, but it would be nowhere good. I have to finish the academy first. I promised I would. But after I do, I do want to. I really do. Master will too. But I have to see this through," he answers. I nod in understanding.

    What he is saying makes sense, even if his choice to call someone ''Master'' scrapes my ears like a cheese grater. In his situation, at his age, I can only admire him for doing it this way. "I understand," I agree. "But if you ever change your mind, I''ll be here." He smiles at me, and we have said all we need to. The conversation turns to lighter things and we order a simple breakfast of eggs. Pancakes are a bit too heavy for a midterm day.

    "So, uh, there is something I want to ask..." Leo trails off and I raise my eyebrow at him. He plays with his thumbs for a minute before spitting it out. "Do you like cats?" He blurts and I lean back, a little surprised.

    "I mean, I''m not a monster," I answer and he leans forward.

    "Do you want one?" He asks and I laugh.

    "Why were you so nervous to ask that? I love cats, and I''d love to have one. Why?" I laugh and he blushes.

    "Well, a while back, I found a stray on campus. I''ve been taking care of her, but, well. She was pregnant, apparently. Lily, there are so many kittens. You have to help me," he explains and I choke on laughter.

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    "Absolutely I will adopt one of your kittens. Why didn''t you tell me you were taking care of a stray? I would have helped! I''ll meet you after class. I''ll help you find a home for all of them," I promise and he sighs in relief. "Why were you so worried about asking that? It''s a perfectly normal request."

    He looks a bit sheepish and embarrassed. "I don''t know, I got picked on a lot as a kid, when I adopted strays. So I get a little anxious, it''s embarrassing!" he splutters and I smile reassuringly.

    "It''s sweet, Leo. Fuck whoever picked on you," I answer and he smiles with one side of his mouth. The poor kid should not be getting nervous about that kind of question. "Meet me here after class, alright? I have to get to my fuckin'' math test. Take care, Leo," I say as I realize how long we have been sitting here. I leave a few coins on the table and stand.

    "Alright," he acknowledges, "And Lily... thanks," he says. Whether he is thanking me for my earlier offer or for not making fun of him I''m not sure. But it doesn''t matter.

    "Think nothing of it," I answer before heading to class. This should be my easiest midterm, so I''m not exactly stressed about it until August meets me on the way.

    "Did you seriously make that bet with Hugh?" he asks, mouth agape and I furrow my brow.

    "What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask and he closes his eyes.

    "Of course you didn''t. That idiot," he says under his breath and I get a bad feeling creeping down my spine.

    "August, tell me what you are talking about," I order and he sighs before shaking his head.

    "Hugh is telling everyone you agreed to a bet with him, over the midterm. He says whoever scores lower has to do everything the winner orders for a month. The rumor has spread all over class. And, well, not a lot of people have faith you''ll win. There are some unsavory rumors about you already..." he trails off as my face darkens.

    That little shit. "I told him no. I didn''t even entertain the idea of a bet. Does he really think this is a good idea?" I groan and August shrugs.

    "I don''t know, but if enough people believe him, it''s sort of the same thing, isn''t it? What are you going to do?" He asks, worry in his voice.

    I sigh. "Nothing. The moron can explain himself to everyone after he loses. Or he can come up with some new lie. I don''t give a shit. It''s not my problem," I dismiss.

    "Are you sure? You couldn''t even read the question on the first day, I know you are smart but... you think you''ll have the higher score?" he questions, skepticism clear in his voice.

    "Yes, I do. Ask Autumn when we get there. I''m not going to have any trouble scoring higher than that brat," I answer. August doesn''t quite look convinced, but he doesn''t look dismissive either. Instead, he simply shrugs. We arrive in the classroom together and begin to climb to the seats in the back. I blow hair out of my eye as I ignore the excited whispers from the students I pass. August looks around the room and leaves my side to find a seat by his sister.

    "You may as well leave now," Hugh sneers as I pass him. "You''ll never pass this test, much less win the bet." I glare at him.

    "I didn''t bet anything you stupid fuck," I challenge and he laughs.

    "Trying to back out now are you? You should have thought of that earlier, it''s too late for cold feet now. You are as good as my property now," he chides and I am forced to rub my temple.

    I look up at him and give him a sickly sweet smile. "Listen, kid, no one is going to believe that you made up the bet after the test. I highly advise that you admit to it now, while you can still save some face. Seriously, bail while you can," I recommend and he replies with a full-toothed grin.

    "Trying to wiggle out already I see. Well, no matter, everyone knows the truth already. You may as well accept it and stop trying to lie," he responds and I sigh. Before I can respond, Autumn''s own laughter draws both our attention. She is looking at us as August points and I realize she just learned about the pretend bet. She is under no illusions about who will win. Hugh''s expression wavers for a moment but he steadies himself.

    "Suit yourself. Don''t say I didn''t warn you," I respond and he makes a show of his uproarious laughter. Poor, stupid kid. This experience is not going to be gentle on his fragile pride. Before long professor Clarrise enters and I am struck again by how exhausted she looks. The woman needs a break as badly as I do. She hands out the tests and gives a weary speech about academic dishonesty and all that. Hugh gives me one last smirk before we all get started on our tests.

    I have gotten pretty good at reading the new notation, although I do translate the problems before solving them. Maybe ten minutes later, I hand my test in to the professor, smile and wave at Hugh, and leave. The rest of my tests are uneventful, and I am able to return to my math class before meeting Leo. At the level of math we are learning, it''s fairly easy to grade all our tests, and we were informed scores would be posted outside the class by the end of the day.

    Other curious students are crowding the bulletin and I am jostled as I make my way within reading distance. The tone of the whispers has decidedly changed as I do, and it''s clear why. I, unsurprisingly, got a perfect score. Hugh, on the other hand... well he did fine.

    "I''m surprised you showed your face here, after running out of the test so quickly," Hugh laughs as he approaches behind me. "Decided to start your service early?" His taunts fail to get the response he is hoping for as several students snicker at him.

    "Oh, buddy," I say in an apologetic tone. He doesn''t pick up on the snark behind my faux pity until he finds my name on the board himself.

    "You fucking cheater. I''ll have you expelled," he snarls as his previous good mood vanishes in an instant.

 Chapter 54 - Cheating

    "Right this way," Leo invites, pulling an overgrown hedge to the side. We are on a campus path I didn''t even know existed. He is leading to the back of a little-used building. I sigh as I see how extravagant even the buildings around here are, although the flowers and foliage surrounding us are far more unruly than the others I have seen on campus. I suspect the magic items supporting the life around here have been neglected for a bit too long. As I follow him, I spot a small wooden animal shelter built up against the bricks of the building. "Here we are," he presents, gesturing to the little shelter.

    I have to kneel to look inside, where I find one of the pillows from the dorms, upon which sits a litter of seven kittens and their mother. "Leo, they are the sweetest," I grin as I examine them. A little gray tabby is having some dinner, while most of them sleep. A little Tortoiseshell perks up and squeaks at me. She already has her eyes open so I know they were born at least a few days ago. "Well, they certainly can''t stay here. We''ll bring them back to the dorm for tonight, and I''ll bring them to my family''s tavern tomorrow. I think I''ve already been chosen by one of them," I chuckle as I offer my finger to the tortoiseshell to smell.

    "Lily, you are a lifesaver. I didn''t know where to take them but I don''t know if they''ll survive out here. I was at my wit''s end. Do you really think you''ll find a home for all of them?" He practically pleads and I nod as I stand and rub my dirty hands on my dress.

    "Oh yes, shouldn''t be a problem," I assure while I start forming a couple of magical crates for them with force, heat, and stone mana. "Let''s get them back for now."

    "Why the dorm, why not take them to the tavern tonight?" he asks and I sigh in exasperation.

    "I have a feeling I''m going to be busy tonight. I have, again, offended someone by existing in the wrong way," I lament and Leo sighs with me.

    "Why can''t people just leave us alone?" he groans and I can''t blame him. He has it far worse than I do. "So what, you have to see the headmistress?"

    "I''m not sure yet, but probably. You know how she is, any feeble excuse to punish us for being here in the first place. I''ll be fine, I''m more worried about you," I respond as we delicately lift each cat into one of my makeshift containers. "Be careful out there; I''ve seen a lot of priests around town, almost like patrols. If they run into you, they may not check who your backer is before confronting you," I warn and his face pales.

    "Shit, seriously? What a pain in the ass. Well, I suppose it''s good my room is close to the school. I''ll be careful," he promises. We then make our way down the winding roads of campus, and the messy hedges slowly give way to neatly trimmed and managed gardens. We make it to the dorm and bring the mewing cats up to my room.

    "Can you hang out here with them? I''ll watch them tonight, but I have to deal with a couple of assholes," I ask and he nods.

    "Sure, no problem. Just... don''t tell anyone else I''m here, alright?" he requests nervously and I make the ''cross my heart'' motion.

    "I won''t, I know you''d prefer to keep a low profile while on campus," I promise. Once we have the cats settled in, I head back downstairs and open the door. As I suspected, there is a magic knight waiting for me.

    "Lillith of Endings?" he inquires and I hold my hands out with my wrists together.

    "Take me away officer," I invite and he examines my wrists in perplexion.

    "You''ve been summoned to Lady Cateline''s office, follow me," he orders. I shake my head and drop my hands to my side before following him. Hugh certainly wasted no time in reporting my cheating. I follow him, and yet again I am followed by murmurs and whispers as I make my way to the headmistress''s office. Maybe I should get some itching powder from Henry after all; Hugh more than has it coming. Or maybe I''ll tell him how his father''s competition with me ended. I rub the back of my head as I dismiss that idea. It might be a bit of a cruel response to a child being a child. It would only cause more problems anyway.

    When we arrive at the familiar office, I''m surprised to find it empty. "Stay here, and don''t cause any trouble," He orders. I snap to attention and give him a sarcastic salute.

    "As you command mister knight sir. I''ll be the picture of innocence!" I lie, and he grumbles as he walks away. I look around the doorframe to watch him leave, then immediately cast Radar. Leaving me alone in this office? Yeah, ''don''t cause trouble'' my ass. I keep an eye on the people in the building around me and immediately begin to rummage through Cateline''s desk. The drawers are locked, but locks in this world are more of a polite suggestion than anything.

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    I fill the keyholes with force mana and easily unlock each compartment. At first, I mostly find documents. Leo and I each have our own file, which figures. I find a few interesting documents, including one labeled ''Solutions to the labor shortage''. This document contains a list of laws she is proposing. She wants to outlaw cross-dressing, drinking on certain days of the moon cycle, and various other silly ideas. I shrug. This is obviously an attempt to replenish the city''s supply of slaves, but it forgets why the law works the way it does in the first place.

    Slaves are all criminals because people are more compliant and supportive if they believe the law keeps them safe and that they can reasonably avoid its consequences. Some of the proposed laws like enforcing the side of the road commoners walk on would defeat this entirely. Arrest people too freely, and that illusion shatters. It would be like making every meal and home cost millions of coins. A balance of desperation and security can control people. But that only extends so far. Once homes and food are inaccessible no matter what you do... well people won''t be so compliant. The same goes for trying to make people into slaves for any random violation.

    She''s likely not the only noble who had this idea for replenishing slaves, but if they try it people will only be more susceptible to my ideas. Without the fucking temple, this alone would probably incite a revolution of some kind eventually. This isn''t new information, but it is useful to know. I thought it would be another year at least before they started suggesting it. I do shake my head as she fails to suggest, ''use our magic powers instead of forced labor'' at any point but that would, of course, require a more practical examination of magic in general. Something tells me the nobles of this world would complain if they went to a grocery store where cashiers had stools.

    I move on from that and open a lower drawer. My day brightens immediately as it slides open. Inside is exactly what I need. A smooth, fist-sized metal sphere sits on top of a few more documents. A communication orb. I quickly pick it up and tuck it into my dress pocket, then hurry to lock the desk and find a seat on the other side. This is exactly what I need, and I can''t risk losing it by searching any further. I''m just in time too, as my radar reveals multiple people approaching just as I settle in.

    I release the spell, and a moment later headmistress Cateline enters, tailed by Professor Clarrise and Hugh. "Why am I not surprised, Lady Lillith?" Cateline sighs before taking her own seat. She pauses, like she senses something is wrong, but gets distracted as she notices me. "Do you actually have dirt on your dress? Why do you insist on besmirching the name of my Academy? Never mind, don''t answer that. Do you know why you are here?" she interrogates and I put a finger to my pursed lips as if in thought.

    Hugh smirks at me, his confidence restored now that Cateline is backing him. Clarrise looks too exhausted to comment, but she gives me an apologetic half-smile. "Well, this is my place of learning. Where else would I be?" I answer, offering her a sweet smile. She rolls her eyes and Hugh scoffs.

    "It''s going to be like that, is it? Lady Lillith, you have been accused of cheating with credible evidence. If you confess now, I can do my best to avoid your expulsion from the academy," she offers.

    "Is the credible evidence that Hugh over there reeeeaaally wants it to be true?" I ask and she glares.

    "Keep a civil tongue in your mouth, I am giving you a chance here. Tell us how you cheated," she orders and I lean forward.

    "I can''t tell you what you want to hear. I solved the equations provided. It was extremely easy. That''s the only answer I have," I respond and Hugh cuts in.

    "Perfectly, and in only a few moments? When you couldn''t even read one at the start of class?" he challenges.

    "Lord Hugh, you are here as a witness. I will ask you if I need your input," Cateline reprimands before turning her attention to me. "He is, however, correct. You were far too fast. And I''m told you didn''t show your work, only including a few nonsensical scribbles followed by the answer. Isn''t that right, Lady Clarrise?" she asks.

    "Well, yes but-" Clarrise answers and Cateline cuts her off.

    "Right. So can you explain that?" she asks, looking down her nose at me.

    "Sure, that''s my own personal notation. It helps me work more quickly. As for how much time it took me, I already answered that. It was just an easy test," I respond, leaning back and examining my nails.

    "Liar!" Hugh yells, "There is no way it was that easy for you, you-"

    "I will not warn you again, Lord Hugh. Be silent until you are asked to speak. And you, Lady Lillith. Your flippant attitude is doing you no favors. If you insist on this lie, we will test you here and now. Lady Clarrise, how fast can you write a new test?" Cateline interjects and Clarrise jumps.

    "It shouldn''t take too long. You want to test her again, here?" she asks and Cateline nods.

    "Yes. If it was so easy, she should have no trouble reproducing her results. In fact, why don''t you make it a little harder, since she seems to believe the one you provided was inadequate," Cateline orders. She continues to try and get a confession out of me as Clarrise works for the next half hour or so. Before long, a new test is presented, and I am given a quill and ink to fill it out.

    I smile as I look over it. It is more difficult than the last, but that''s not the same thing as difficult. This time, I don''t take my time with it. I solve every equation in maybe seven minutes or so and hand it over. Cateline raises her eyebrows at me, and she examines it with Clarrise. Hugh has the most smug look I''ve ever seen a face burdened with, and I lean back, relaxed. Cateline''s brows furrow and her mood sours as she looks over the test. "You''re dismissed," she sneers after a moment. "Lord Hugh, I do not appreciate having my time wasted," she adds, redirecting her ire. I stand and curtsy, then wink at Hugh before leaving.

    That wasn''t too bad. All in all, it was a good day. I can show this sphere to Sara, and I have a litter of Kittens waiting for me. I hum as I make my way back to the dorm.

 Chapter 55 - What Comes Next?

    I sit in the dining area at my family''s tavern and giggle to myself while Suzume, my new kitten, chases the little red dot I am moving around with light mana. "I''m Sorry, Lily," Sara finally sighs, "I can feel the divine magic inside this, but I can''t tell how it works. My magic has never worked exactly like the priest''s does. I don''t know if I can make more of these." I purse my lips in thought and Suzume squeaks at me as the light stops moving.

    "Sorry girl," I whisper to her before looking up. "Well, I suppose we''ll just have to steal the already working ones. It''s not an ideal solution, since we can''t be sure how secure they are. I''d also prefer to provide more communication between cities, and as far as I can find out each city only has one that communicates directly with the capital. Only one that is public knowledge, in any case. We''ll have to use code or something for now. Not much else to be done," I respond and her shoulders slump.

    "I tried, I''m sorry. I''ll keep looking at it but... I just don''t know how any of this works," Sara apologizes again and I shake my head.

    "Sarafyna, you do, well, everything. I rely on you so much I feel guilty about it. You''ve been looking at that orb for months, and that''s just when you are here. You can take a break. I haven''t figured out how the mana in it works either. I know it uses sound and light, but that''s it. If you''re sorry, I should be more sorry. Besides, we have time. I''ll start working on an alternative in the meantime," I reassure her. She looks disappointed, but Sam, or her father, chimes in.

    "She''s right, Sara. You''ve been working yourself too hard. If it''s not something you can do, it''s not something you can do. I hate it when you beat yourself up like this," he says, rubbing her shoulder.

    "This guy knows what he''s talking about," I add, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms. It was a bit awkward around Sam at first, especially considering the violence of our first meeting, but underneath any anxiety he had was gratitude. I realized quickly I would always just be the person that brought Sara to him. Not the person who crushed a man''s head in front of him. Not the person who freed him from captivity. Not even the weirdo who always puts a mask on when he visits with his daughter and blushes when she gets a little too close. Sarafyna is his entire world; bringing her back into his life could cover an ocean of sins.

    I know he feels this way because that is more or less exactly how he explained it when Sara made one too many excuses for my weird habits. Since we found him, he and I have formed something of an informal ''Pro-Sarafyna Alliance.'' With both of us as a support system, she is slowly starting to grow more comfortable. She often sleeps either here or with the others now, only staying in her cave maybe a third of the time. The cave was initially a safe place to learn how to control her magic away from prying eyes, but it became a hiding place. It supported her ''monster'' narrative to hide there.

    The last few months have been good for her. And me, truth be told. It''s hard to say without birthdays, but I think I am between fifteen and sixteen now. A little closer to finally going on a date again. That certainly hasn''t been the most fun bit of reincarnating. Leo hasn''t been attacked, at least as visibly, in that time either. I am settling into a groove.

    Sam gives me a meaningful look and I nod. Sara''s scars are wavering again, replacing themselves with smooth skin. She never seems to notice when this happens, but it''s growing to be a frequent event. I have been leaving her out of combat recently as well as an experiment, and the scars don''t appear nearly as often. This always puts a smile on my face. Not because I want her to be perfect and pretty, her scars are part of her and I was actually fond of them, in an odd way. But because I think she is finally taking the first little steps toward actually healing.

    It also suggests something interesting about divine magic, and I decide to test it. When she doesn''t respond, I speak up again. "I want to try something, here, hold these," I instruct while handing her two forks.

    "Um, alright," she agrees and I fold my fingers together.

    "Okay, forget about how. Just focus on using divine magic so that when you speak into one fork, your voice comes out the other. I know you don''t know how, just... picture it happening," I say and she furrows her brows.

    "If you say so," she agrees, reluctance in her voice. She then proceeds to... stare at a couple of forks for a minute. I can''t sense divine magic so that''s all it looks like to me.

    "What are you trying?" her dad asks and I hold up a finger.

    "Let her focus," I waylay, and we watch in awkward silence for a few minutes. Finally, she lets out a breath and looks up.

    "Alright, I did my best," she says. "What now?" I hold my hand out and she hands the forks over, although I only accept one. I then try a little sleight of magical hand and whisper into the fork, which I''m certain doesn''t look silly at all. My sound mana projects my voice from the location of the other utensil, simulating a successful test. Sara and Sam jump a little.

    "Wait, did it... work?" she asks and I shrug.

    "Here, take this back. Do the same thing again, but try to make it louder," I say and she happily complies. This time she is much faster and offers me the fork again. I accept it and speak into it again, this time not faking the result. Nothing happens. "Damn," I whisper, mentally crossing that theory off the list. With the lessons I''ve had on mana aspecting, I had begun to hope divine magic was sort of a more flexible version. Like magic where actually believing anything makes it true. With the way her scars fluctuate, I thought I might be onto something.

    Then again, I suppose if it was as simple as that, the church would be a lot more powerful, and the device wouldn''t need regular mana as well. I sigh. "Sorry guys, failed experiment," I apologize and Sara slumps again. I''m about to explain a bit of my theory, but Ed interrupts us as he loudly descends the stairs with Mariah.

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    "Lily, you around? I want to work on an aspect again!" he calls.

    "I''d better go help him," I apologize and Sara waves before turning to talk to her dad. I stand and go to join him then stop and look down. Suzume is lying on her back at my feet and looking up at me. "Hey little Suzie, keep Sara company for me, okay?" I ask and she chirps at me. As I walk away she rolls over and defiantly follows me up the stairs.

    "There you are! Come on, I am so close to an aspect I can feel it!" he chitters as I follow him up the stairs. He gives a cursory glance at Henry''s room before trying to lead me to the one he shares with Mariah. I narrow my eyes at him for just a moment. Ed often behaves skittish when it comes to Henry and I suspect there is something I don''t understand going on between them. But Henry never says anything about it and is perfectly friendly to Ed, so I don''t bother inserting myself into whatever it is.

    I follow him up and spend the next few hours explaining the workings of fire to him, again. He''s very excited to cast his first spell, but that doesn''t make him a good student. Nevertheless, he starts to understand the science behind it slowly. I think he''s right, he''ll have fire magic any day now. I''ll have to hide him from Autumn. With my improved magic circle and his stubbornness, he ended up with more mana than her, and will likely have more powerful fire magic. I don''t want to crush the poor girl''s confidence.

    As I go over aspecting with him, I mentally list my own plans in my head. I''ve decided to drop cold mana. I considered replacing cold and heat with thermodynamic mana but... there are too many concepts in that aspect. It would take more focus than I have to impose every concept of temperature, work, energy, and everything else involved onto one aspect. So I am keeping heat. I can emulate the effects of cold with heat mana the same way I use light in place of dark mana.

    I went through a similar thought process with earth mana. I wanted to replace it with matter mana but... that simply contains too many possibilities. I can''t include an image of every kind of matter when I aspect it, and if I leave any out I''ll understand it''s an incomplete picture and the aspect won''t work. Instead, I have decided to replace it with metal. This is a bit like Earth but was not included in my fairly simple image of that aspect. My earth aspect is really just shale since I didn''t need it to do more than, well, be a stone. Similarly, I am going to try a steel, or carbon steel aspect as a replacement.

    It will be effective for all the same things I use stone for, and the increased mana and concentration it requires will be easier with my growing ability and experience. Force is here to stay. It is a simple concept with endless applications. Speed had been disappointing for a couple of reasons. I can emulate its real effect with force for one. Also, I had been thinking of experiments with light when I aspected it. As a result, it ended up closer to something like frequency. As I''ve grown to understand mana aspects, I''ve realized I don''t really need it. My understanding of light and sound already includes frequency.

    I decided to keep air. I don''t use it much, but I think it still has utility. When I am powerful enough to fly consistently, I can avoid a good amount of ugliness just with air mana. I also think it will come in handy if I ever encounter a gaseous weapon. Lord knows Annie could have used access to clean air at all times. This leaves me with two open slots, assuming my limit is fixed at eight aspects. My first choice is for maximum combat power and speed. I want electricity. It also has a fair amount of potential for nonmagical solutions to problems. Or it would, if I were an electrical engineer. I have no idea how to use it for anything too complex, but hey, I can make light bulbs and fried monarchs. What more do I need?

    Finally, I want to aspect water. It''s a bit boring and doesn''t offer nearly as much combat utility, but clean water can be a valuable resource. If only I could use divine magic instead of any of these aspects. It seems far more versatile, and it would be easier to clear people''s minds without Sara''s help. That last thought gives me an idea, however. Sara can clear people''s minds of brainwashing. She doesn''t even have to try, if the priest who used it is less powerful than her, it just stops working when she goes near their victims. What if divinely enchanted items are the same? What if she can''t figure out how the sphere''s divine magic works because, as soon as she held it, it stopped working at all?

    That makes too much sense to dismiss. After Edward begins to meditate, trying to aspect fire I head back downstairs. Suzume trills as she sees me headed in the general direction of the kitchen, and tries to kill us both by tripping me on the stairs. This kitten-inflicted danger does, of course, warm my heart. When I reach the dining area I see Sara alone, drawing something on the table. "Hey Sara," I call as I descend, "I had a thought about the sphere, tell me what you think!"

    "Alright, go ahead," she agrees and I explain my theory. She puts her finger to her lips in a remarkably adorable way as she considers it.

    "It''s possible," she answers. "But if that''s the case... well that will be inconvenient considering," she begins but I wave the worry off.

    "I thought of that. It means stealing them won''t work, but if we can figure out how to make them, we can just enchant each one on-site. Inconvenient, but not insurmountable," I answer the unspoken concern.

    "I did always wonder why priests never had one while traveling through the Radiant Woods. I suppose that would explain it," she muses and I nod.

    "Exactly. More importantly, if we can figure out why that happens, I think we can figure out how your magic works," I suggest. She looks at me skeptically but shrugs.

    "It can''t hurt to investigate I suppose," she agrees, "But, I''m sorry, I don''t know how to do that..." She trails while continuing to refine whatever she is drawing. Suzume jumps up and curls up on top of the paper, and Sara scratches behind her ears before looking up at me.

    "That''s alright, I don''t think it will be that complex. I just need to bring you divinely enchanted items, tell you what they do, and see if they look the same to you. After a while, we''ll be able to make some observations. Especially with my class on enchantments next year," I reassure and she tilts her head.

    "A while? How many divine enchantments do you think you can find?" she asks.

    "Yeah, a year or two I suspect. We have time, Sara," I answer. I am almost done with my first year of classes now. If all goes well, I should be able to set things in motion before I graduate from the academy. That gives us plenty of time to figure out a method of communication, whether it be this or telegraphs if I have to.

    "Well, alright, I''m with you," Sara promises and I smile. Sam walks in at the tail end of the conversation with a tray full of tea and bread. "Thanks, Pappa," Sara says, lighting up as he returns.

    "Yeah, thanks," I say. I''m so glad he is here. Sara is like a different person now. He looks at me with smiling eyes as he offers me tea. Then he looks at the paper Sara has been drawing on.

    "Oh, is that the design for Lillith''s ha-?" he starts and she shushes him.

    "Dad, not now!" She whispers at him and I chuckle. She gives me a side eye and I blush a bit. Is she making me a hat? Alright, Lillith. Fifteen. May the next few years pass quickly.

 Chapter 56 - Inventions

    Eustace

    The monster started hunting nobles almost a year ago. At first, they said it was a serial killer. Then they said it was a rebel. The guard says it''s more than one person and the church says it''s this so-called ''true king.'' The commoners? We know better, because we are the ones it leaves alive. And it is an ''it''. My sister was a maid at one of the houses hit. She saw the monster. She saw it kill not with a spell, but with a single touch of its fingers. I know a man who claims to have seen it kill with fangs.

    My own father swears he saw it tear a door off its hinges. I''ve even heard rumors of its extra eyes, growing in size, melting flesh with a touch, or growing the razor-sharp talons of a hawk from its hands. The only rumor I''ve heard from a witness that called it human was one particularly drunk fool claiming it''s a woman. There are dozens of rumors about it, but there is no doubt it is a monster. But we don''t fear it. Whatever the guard says, and whatever the church says. Because its talons and teeth aren''t the only thing there are rumors about.

    Sure, we feared it as much as the nobles did, at first. But, like I said, it''s been almost a year. The only commoners it has killed have been the city guard. It always lets the servants leave. The maids, the stable boys. They can only convince us we are all in danger for so long. Some people do think it is taking the slaves as food, but I don''t. It''s true they disappear without a trace. Hundreds of them have vanished by now, and no one has found them hiding anywhere. So I understand why people think it must be eating them. It just... doesn''t make sense. Do criminals taste better than maids? No, it''s doing something else with them.

    For a long time, this was just a story. A fear, then a story. Some people even started to cheer it on. I was one of them; my sister was always treated poorly by the nobles she worked for. She always had to fear that twisted couple would want more than cleaning from her. So when a monster touched them and stole their life, I cheered it on. But heroes are for the nobility. Commoners aren''t allowed to have their own, and once we do, we are always punished for it.

    Because the slaves are disappearing. The workers, the laborers. The people who build the mansions and create the luxury goods. There aren''t enough for every noble to have a staff, and they certainly aren''t going to pay to hire more servants. So what do they do? Well, they get more slaves. They make more laws and they make it harder to follow the existing ones. Any one of us could find ourselves in the guard''s custody. Then we become slaves ourselves until the monster finds us and does... whatever it''s doing with them. Once we become the noble''s target, we just have to hope it finds wherever the new holding cells have been set up.

    As I hear a pounding on my door, I know my time has come. The beast saved my sister from everything she feared, but ultimately we are going to be slaves anyway, and her fears will likely be realized. Women like her aren''t enslaved for manual labor. The door pounds again and I wince. I knew this was coming. Rent has been rising, and rising, and rising. I don''t live in a nice home, but only a noble could afford these prices. They''ve come to evict me. Remove me, my sister, and my children from our home. And since they made homelessness illegal... they likely have the guards on standby to arrest us for our crime as soon as they force us to commit it. Why pretend we have somewhere else to go, after all?

    I don''t have the stomach to answer the door. Phoebe comes down the stairs and pales as she sees my face. She knows it''s time as well. As I fail to answer the door a third time, they grow impatient. A moment later, the door flies open as the guard kicks it. A well-dressed man walks in with his nose in the air. "This is my property, Eustace," he sneers, "And you are delinquent on payments. I must demand that you vacate the premises so I can rent the location to a harder-working family, one who deserves it."

    I lower my head and the nearest guard approaches me to put shackles on my wrists. I allow him to without a word. "You are under arrest, Mr. Eustace. By order of the king, those who cannot contribute to the city and dirty our roads with begging are to be arrested and put to work. Be thankful you will have a place to live and meaningful work to do." The bastards. Barely putting up a pretense, arresting me for homelessness inside my home like this. I don''t bother fighting it until another guard approaches Phoebe.

    I know what waits for her, I always have. But the shit-eating grin on his face is a bridge too far. I''m already shackled, but I don''t care. That man isn''t putting a finger on my sister. "Get the fuck away from her," I growl, before shoving my shoulder into the guard at my side. I throw myself at the grinning man to tackle him but, before I know it, I am being held with my face to the ground.

    "It''s alright, Eustace," Phoebe assures, "Just... don''t get yourself hurt." Fuck. Useless. I''m fucking useless.

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    "Sir, this is the business of the city guard. I need you to move alo-" a guard starts before I hear a thump on the ground.

    "What are you doing you fools, kill him!" Lord Jareth screams and the room explodes in the sound of combat. The hand holding me to the ground disappears as its owner joins the fray.

    "I- it''s you!" Phoebe gasps and I struggle to roll over. Just as I do I see it. The monster. It is shaped like a person but... it is holding Lord Jareth off the ground like he''s weightless. With a twitch of its fingers, there is a crack, his clawing at its arm stops, and it drops his corpse to the ground. I stare as it walks up to me. It holds a hand out and somehow, I hear a click and the shackles loosen. I pull my hands free and Phoebe speaks again. "Eustace, it... it''s the monster," she says.

    It extends its hand again offering to help me up. "You don''t have to live in fear of men like this. If you like, I can show you a better option" it offers and my eyes widen. Huh. It is a woman.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    It''s been a year now, since I grew my fangs. I''ve been steadily working on more physical changes since then, but it''s not going well. I want to see in the dark but that will have to wait until I no longer have to keep up a public persona. I just can''t figure out a way to do it without changing how my eyes look. Instead, I have done some basic reinforcement. My skin is consistently thicker and my bones are more solid. I want to improve my hearing and sight as well, but my physical alterations simply aren''t a priority so that may take some time.

    Right now, I am working on something far more valuable. Something I should have prioritized from day one. A true game-changer that will instantly improve my life. Sarafyna is the one who pushed me to finally focus on it. I''ve wanted to for years, but I consistently chose other options to bridge the gap with powerful mages. But once she told me she had done it herself, I knew I had to do the same. Sarafyna never has cramps. Not once a month, not once a year, never. Soon, neither will I. They''ve already grown more mild and I could not be more pleased with the decision.

    Initially, I had hoped Sarafyna would be able to help me with my changes. If I could change as fast as she can, I''d be a fucking terminator by now. Unfortunately, the results were not what I''d hoped. She did try, and she does a great job of healing me. But guiding her to entirely new and experimental changes just didn''t work. She tried to give me the reins like when I helped bring her back to humanity, but her magic fought me and I couldn''t get anywhere with it.

    So, I''m stuck with using direct, slow, mana manipulation. Still, it''s enough. The changes I have made have already made a difference in dozens of fights, and they will continue to do so. As I work on my body, I watch the sunlight traveling across my room. I am still staying in the seedy tavern. I have ways around the previous barriers to staying with my family or on campus, but I can''t reliably use them. Not that it would be a great idea anyway.

    As the light passes a painted line I have on the floor to mark the hour, I jump up and walk across the room. On a piece of paper, stapled to the floor, I have a pair of glasses I am enchanting. My class on the subject has been amazing so far. Runes are far more complex than I thought. I knew you could combine them to create new concepts. It''s how I targeted my magic circle as the center of everything instead of a specific space. Even so, I had no idea how versatile it was. A skilled enchanter could use runes like a language, describing desired behavior.

    On the one hand, this is a bit dangerous. I haven''t actually fought any mages that were expecting combat yet, excepting the bard. A mage with a powerful enchanted weapon would be formidable, and I am definitely going to face one eventually. Thankfully, they take too long to make to distribute them to the guards. They will run out of mana eventually and just be a regular weapon if a mage isn''t the one using them. Inorganic material, apparently, doesn''t regenerate mana on its own like a living entity.

    On the other hand, this opens up a lot of possibilities. For instance, my radar glasses. No longer must I cast a handful of exhausting spells at once. All I have to do is send out the radio waves, and, if I was successful, these glasses will respond like my previous spells did. Even better, I have learned the runes to suppress mana in the enchanted object. In other words, they won''t glow like a beacon to other mages. Unless they have a thing for bookish women, I guess, but they won''t know I am using magic.

    The colors also only emit in one direction. So it''ll be visible from some angles, but it''s much less obvious. I hesitantly pick up the glasses and take a deep breath before putting them on. I literally jump and pump my fist as I immediately see the colorful form of a woman walking down the hall outside my room. They work. I immediately dig through my things and pull out a pair of goggles I have designed. As the sun sets, I put the goggles where the glasses had been. They are made with fabric rather than rubber, but they hold fairly well. They don''t need to be airtight, they just need to stay fixed to my face while I am fighting.

    They also have collapsible lenses, so I can lower the spell when needed. No one will be sneaking up on me for a while, and I can finally put all my focus into my other magic. As I leave the goggles to begin enchanting, I pull out another piece of paper. It''s time to get back to work on designing a circle for my own communication devices. If divine magic doesn''t work, well, it''s a good thing I''m not quite as complacent as the kingdom''s nobility.

    Well, complacent may not be the word. The church seems to have a vested interest in monopolizing and limiting long-distance communication. Nevertheless, it''s just one more of their advantages I intend to make them fear.

 Chapter 57 - Insecurities

    Clarrise

    I look wearily at the door to my office. Work is exhausting, but it''s better than home. Everywhere is better than home. It''s been years since I was excited to finish grading and leave campus. It wasn''t always like this. Wymond was a kind man once, or at least I thought he was. I hadn''t chosen him as a husband but he wasn''t pushy when negotiating with my father. It was my duty to marry for the family and I was glad to marry a man who seemed to listen to me.

    The trouble didn''t really start until I became a professor. Sure, I never loved him and he never loved me, but our marriage was fine. It was better than many of my friends, in fact. When I handled the household staff and looked pretty at parties. Then, I got less pretty, or so he tells me. I got older, anyway. I wasn''t wanted at the parties anymore, but that was alright; I never liked them in the first place. He acted excited when I was hired by the academy. He said it would be good for me. I know now, what he meant was it would be good for him. As soon as I was out of the house, he started requisitioning slaves, and not for labor. Women who were ''still'' pretty.

    He hid it from me for a long time. He knew it would hurt me, and more importantly, he knew how I felt about slaves. So he got me out of the house. I didn''t suspect him once until we got into an argument. It was, of course, about my work. Because when he encouraged me, it wasn''t because I loved math, nor was it because I loved teaching. It was because he was bored with me. It didn''t occur to him that I would be good at it. It never crossed his mind that my name may become more familiar than his, or that I would get more invitations to more prestigious parties.

    Being rid of me was, apparently, not worth feeling like he was less than me. That was what started the little comments. The ''jokes'' about my competence. The ''friendly'' jabs about how I slept my way to notoriety. The sneers I caught from the corner of my eye, replaced with sickly smiles when I looked. It hurt. It made me feel small. I tried being meek. I tried apologizing, even when I wasn''t wrong. But this only made him more angry. Like I was looking down on him.

    One day, he snapped. I asked him to clean a glass. He wanted to leave it for the staff. I simply said I''d prefer it be put away before then and... he threw it at me. It didn''t hit, but it shattered on the cupboard over my shoulder. His eyes were cold and his aura flared. The ice in his voice hovered at my throat like a knife when he asked me if I thought he was my servant. That was when he told me about the slaves. He didn''t want to avoid hurting me anymore. He hadn''t for some time by then.

    It''s strange, how the word of someone who hates you can needle their way in. Even now his quiet words are fishhooks in my skin, pulling me down by the flesh of my frown lines. He told me about the slaves. He told me, in detail, what he did to them. He told me how much better than me they were, and how poorly he treated them anyway. He described my failures as a woman. The imperfections of my body. What a whore I was and how stupid I was to think I wasn''t replaceable at the academy.

    It was all bullshit, but I remember every word. I see every criticism in every reflection. I couldn''t stop him from getting slaves, however much I hated it. I didn''t know how much they protected me. Because, in the last eighteen months, the slaves have been disappearing. Wymond isn''t important enough to requisition them anymore, and the ones he had were commandeered by more powerful nobles. He even tried to use my name and was still denied. That hurt his pride doubly.

    I didn''t realize how much they had been protecting me. They were taking his rage and insecurity on my behalf. Once they were gone... well it was all mine. I hate him. I want to scrub him from the face of the planet. If I could leave him, I would. But he''s the one who earns my pay from the academy. My father wouldn''t take me in. And he''s right; I''m replaceable. The academy won''t shelter me. I have nowhere to go.

    Sometimes, I wonder if I can kill him. Let the Collector judge me. It would be better than going home to that man. Better than sleeping in a guest room with a bar on the door in case he decides I actually am still pretty. I''ll look at him, and wonder if I could smother him as he sleeps. But I can''t. He''s a far more powerful mage than me, and I would simply be executed myself. Or, perhaps given the labor shortage, they would decide nobles make decent slaves as well.

    With complete hopelessness, I rise from my desk and leave my office. I''m done with my work, and I have no excuse to delay. If I''m home late he''ll rightly accuse me of avoiding him. The campus grounds don''t look beautiful to me anymore as I walk home. The extravagant foliage and garden walkways mock me as I pass them. The knight on the gate lets me through, and I walk a little too slowly back to my home. I should have hired a carriage, but the quiet night is all I have left.

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    As I finally make it home, I wince. He''s going to be furious, but... I need those quiet moments. Something feels off when I reach for the door. Light comes from under the crack and as I listen, I hear my husband''s voice. It''s muffled, but he''s angry with someone. I hesitate. Walking in on him arguing with someone could be more dangerous than being late. But... I don''t know what to do. I have to go inside. He''ll probably know I was waiting. I decide there is no right answer and brace myself, then push the door open.

    I am assaulted by heat as soon as I do. He is firing steam at full power at someone. He''s going to boil them alive! What is happening, I have to stop him! "Wymond, what are you doing, you''ll kill them!" I pleaded and he looked at me with vitriol.

    He kept his spell up as he shouted back, "What do you think I''m trying to do you stupid woman, shut up and get out of here," he orders. My eyes widen and I open my mouth to respond but... a hand slowly appears from the steam. It has water on it and as I focus I realize it is surrounded with... heat mana? Wymond doesn''t notice as he glares at me and it gently caresses his cheek. That''s all it takes. His skin rapidly shifts to a bluish-purple, his veins bulge, and his body begins to convulse.

    A few seconds later, he falls to the ground, dead. A woman stands where the steam was. She has a hood and only darkness can be seen beneath it. She''s wearing men''s clothes, and there is leather armor on top which hides her figure. I can tell anyway, just by the way she moves. It''s the killer. The one hunting slave-owning nobles. I want to be terrified, but for the first time in a long time, a laugh escapes my lips and I slap my hand over my mouth. He''s dead. Killed for his secret little slaves, even after they were all gone.

    I''m probably dead too. She doesn''t know I didn''t want the slaves. There are certainly plenty of noble women who happily use them to distract their husbands. She is walking toward me, further confirming my suspicion about her gender. I don''t care. Wymond is dead. It''s fucking worth it. I don''t try to fight her. She shrugged Wymond off with ease, I certainly don''t stand a chance. At least she gave me that gift before killing me. I close my eyes, waiting for the same ugly but swift fate my husband had.

    Instead, I hear a vaguely familiar voice. "Do you want to feel safe again, Clarrise?"

    <hr>

    Father Medici

    I open the door to the throne room and wave off the knight who tries to waylay me. "What do you want this time, Donatello?" I demand and the King huffs at me.

    "Do you mean ''Your Majesty''?"  he challenges and I spit on the ground.

    "I meant what I said. I am too busy for your summons and whining. Tell me what you want so I can get back to work," I order and he glares at me. This fool actually thinks he rules this country. Without me, the people would have eaten him alive years ago.

    "Busy? Busy undermining my rule?" He scoffs and I have to cover my eyes with my hand to contain the exasperation. It was this bullshit again.

    "Donatello. Don. How many times do I have explained this to you? I am maintaining your fucking rule, you imbecile. Why would I try to undermine it?" I ask and he growls.

    "Watch your tongue, priest. I am still your king, despite your efforts. I am no fool. A monster hunting my staunchest supporters, right when a rebel faction tries to gather support? I believe you have reminded me hundreds of times that monsters belong to you, have you not?" He interrogates and I scowl.

    "You remember they belong to me, but only for this accusation. You seem to forget, they all belong to me. All of them, your Majesty," I sneer. "If I wanted to use them against you, your kingdom would already be gone."

    "As would yours," he quips. "Don''t you think I know you stand to benefit from a kingdom that still stands once you are rid of me? You are transparent. You think I don''t hear the murmurs? The lesser nobles talking like I am past my prime, suggesting a new king could solve this crisis better?"

    "Those have been around since a fool first ascended the throne," I reply, "They are just gaining popularity. And they are right to if you have failed to notice them grumbling about me as well. You aren''t the only idiot in this city willing to believe some angry mage is a monster. Why would I undermine myself?" I ask. There is an answer to that, but it concerns me more than this idiot. I shouldn''t be undermined. By the nobility maybe but my priests have reported similar rumors from commoners.

    This is dangerous. Not because they can do anything to harm me, but because they shouldn''t have the capacity to question me. It suggests something far worse than some monster or mage. It suggests my control is slipping for some reason. "Because you are a prideful fool. The same reason you insult your king. You are greedy, and you think you are invincible. That''s why," he answers and I give him a flat stare.

    "I understand we have never cared for each other, but open your damn eyes. Someone is after both of us. Rumors of incompetence aren''t the only ones I''ve heard, Donatello. If you want to find the person responsible, maybe you should look closer to home. Your brother stands far more to gain than I do," I suggest and he laughs at me.

    "My brother? The bookseller?" he scoffs, "Yes, I''m certain he is planning a coup, just as soon as he finishes his latest romance novel."

    "Yes, The bookseller, you idiot. The bookseller who stopped selling books barely half a year before your ''monster'' started hunting. The one who has been throwing parties with very... select guest lists. The one who hasn''t lost a single friend, this entire time. Yeah, I think he might be worth a look," I answer before turning on my heel and marching out of the throne room. That buffoon would have ended this country long ago without my divine magic. Which is why I need to figure out why it''s failing immediately.

 Chapter 58 - Best Laid Schemes

    Hugh

    I struggle to carry the different bags and boxes. I have to grit my teeth as one falls to the ground and I know I''ll be punished for it later. How did it come to this? Running errands for other nobles like some common beggar. Even the women look at me like I''m less than them somehow. I had actually been looking forward to coming here. But the temple rejected me. Rejected my entire family. So what if we bought our noble title? That only means we worked harder for it than anyone else!

    But they refused to acknowledge us. All we needed to be respected was one simple ceremony. A christening and a house name. They denied us. We, who earned our place among the nobility. We weren''t allowed even a name. So I had a target on my back the second I came here. Then that bitch showed up. The girl I fucking deigned to invite into our family, who spat in the face of my generosity. The temple acknowledged her of course. They christened her, who did nothing but work in a fucking bookshop to earn her title.

    Lillith of Endings. What a stupid name for a stupid girl. I suppose that''s why she spurned my kindness. She knew more about Lord Godfrey than I did, and she was... very welcoming of what he had to offer. It must be wonderful doing all the work you ever need on your back. She''s lucky those filthy bandits murdered my father before he could get his hands on her. I''d make her work to be here. I''d walk her like a dog around this campus, instead of being worked like one myself by even the lowest nobles. But they have a name, so I can''t do anything about it.

    This isn''t what my father paid for. But, yet again, that entitled whore only made everything worse. I almost had her, in the middle of the first year. The idiot never bothered to hire a tutor. She probably wasn''t expecting professors with no interest in what was under her dress. One of the few intelligent moves this academy has made, using women like that. So she couldn''t even read her numbers when she showed up. I should have won that bet. I deserved to win that bet. But, as always she used the same opening to gain an unfair advantage and Duke Godfrey faked her scores for her.

    It''s fucking disgusting how unbalanced this academy is. A single word from the useless Duke of Facinley and even that ungrateful wretch can look down on her betters. If my father were alive, he''d know how to handle these insects. Someday, I was going to find that Rosalind bitch and peel her skin from her bones. Because that''s all I have. A single name. The bastard daughter of a noble family in Satusmor, and the one who betrayed my father. She''d killed him and all her own men, then vanished. But she can''t hide forever. Once I finish with this academy, I''ll find her and I''ll do what my father would have done.

    I flex my fingers in a failure to keep my rage contained, and just as I do I trip, falling into the various boxes and bags of food and pastries I had been precariously juggling a few moments before. I groan as a foot kicks into my side. I roll over and look up at none other than Lady Iris. The lowly brat is hanging around her favorite crutch, the stuck-up slut who sent me to do her chores in the first place. Lady Jocelyn.

    "Oh, if it isn''t nameless little Hugh?" She sneers. "You''ve dropped all my things. Do you really have enough money to make such a mistake? Now you''ll have to go buy new ones! Really, little Hugh, didn''t your father teach you how to do your job like a man? Oh, that''s right, he''s not around much anymore, is he?" she taunts and I grit my teeth. I''d have to add her to the list. I narrow my eyes as they focus on her still-extended foot, directly in my path. "Oh my, you''re not thinking that was my fault, were you Hugh?"

    "No, my lady," I answer through gritted teeth.

    "Of course you weren''t. Now hurry off, I''m hungry, boy," she orders. I climb to my feet and do what I''m told, because if I don''t... well she has the power for now. But mana and authority only help you in direct confrontations. She won''t be able to watch her back forever. I''ll work up to killing her. First, I''ll handle the ungrateful pig with the half-bald head, then the sycophant, then the lady herself. Then, I''ll feed all of their bodies to Jocelyn before I kill her. It''s these thoughts that keep me going, as I go to buy more snacks for the bitch.

    <hr>

    Godfrey

    I rub my hand over my forehead as I look over the paper in front of me. I can''t help but chuckle. My original plans for Lillith were flawed from the start. While she seems to excel in anything related to math, it''s clearly through no fault of her own. I realized this from her first midterms when the rest of her scores were barely above passing. I know she''s smart enough to do better than this, and it didn''t take me long to realize she simply didn''t care.

    That''s no surprise, considering her other activities. She''s driven this city into a panic, and, interestingly, not just this one. I don''t know how she''s doing it, but she is far more effective than I ever could have dreamed. Scared nobles are malleable nobles. Where do they run to when the ground starts moving under their feet? When their peers are hunted and my fool brother feuds with the church instead of deploying the knights to catch her? Well, to the person who predicted the trouble, of course.

    Many nobles laughed at me when I suggested we would have a labor shortage. They scoffed when I told them they weren''t safe, and they hushed me when I said my brother would ignore their plights. I was just the crazy bookselling duke after all. But I had chosen them carefully. They may have laughed, but they didn''t spread it around. They didn''t tell my brother, or anyone else. When my predictions started coming true, well, that was when things changed.

    When their friends died around them and their luxuries became more scarce, they remembered. When the King, instead of hunting the killer, deployed his magic knights as bodyguards for his favorite nobles, they remembered who offered to protect them. When things collapse, and they will collapse, it''s not my brother or his son who will sit on the throne to put everything back together. It will be me. A competent king can improve the lives of the nobility and the commoners. Even in the wake of Lillith''s destruction. I can keep the pillars we really need in place while doing away with foolish tradition.

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    There is no reason to force slave labor. There is certainly no reason commoners can''t use magic. They still won''t be able to oppose us, and the work magic commoners can do will far surpass what all the slaves lost in every city could ever accomplish. We can stop relying on the church, and even find a way to push past the Radiant Woods and to the sea. I will usher in a golden era for Potestia, one even Lillith can be happy in. I hope. I''d really prefer to keep her alive.

    Perhaps it''s a weakness of age, but I like the woman, as mad as she is. She makes me laugh. If her violent edge can be curbed, she may even be open to a marriage to Dominic. Perhaps she will calm with age. She must be roughly seventeen now. Many young mages are brash at that age. I certainly was. Besides, she has helped me in more ways than one. She had exceeded my expectations when her mana was measured. I knew she would be more powerful than expected, but to amass that much mana before leaving Satusmor, her circle is truly impressive.

    And even the nobles I didn''t rally ahead of time think I am the one who designed it. A magic circle powerful enough to make a family that rivals a count in a fraction of the time. It was troublesome that she had, apparently, shared it with someone in Satusmor. The noble children that arrived from Satusmor last year were, well, more powerful than they should have been. It was a good thing I was keeping an eye on it because I was able to intercept them before anyone else.

    Their growth far surpassed what their ranks would suggest. And they came from Lillith''s hometown. It wasn''t much of a leap of logic that she had given it to them for some reason. Then again, it wasn''t a circle like hers. None of them would admit to gathering mana outside of a circle, and they weren''t as strong as she was. Nevertheless, people assumed it was my doing. The current rumor is I went to Satusmor not to hide from responsibility, but to do magic experiments, of which Lillith was my greatest success.

    The murder-happy teen was improving my reputation on all fronts, and she was doing it with only half a head of hair! When the time comes, I''ll need to apprehend her. Not for the execution her peers will demand, but to see if I can sway her. She wants what I do. A better world. But she thinks too small. Too impulsively. She has no plan for what to do after she kicks the legs out from under the people''s leaders. When I explain what I can do for this country, for every country we have allowed the church to keep us from, she will see sense.

    I had to laugh at the paper behind the report on Lillith''s most recent grades. Cateline was complaining, again. She needs to lighten up. She wants me to force Lillith to present herself like a proper lady. To represent the academy with dignity and stop embarrassing her in front of visitors. The woman was nearly rabid. She didn''t know the half of it. To think she is worried about her hair and piercings and... company. I suppose she has similar complaints about both common-born students. I respect Cateline, I do.

    She fought for every ounce of respect she has and she shouldn''t have had to. She''s a competent mage and a brilliant teacher. That''s why she is so obsessed with appearance. The respect she has is fragile, and like with my brother''s management of the kingdom, her control over her students reflects on her. She feels degraded by Lillith''s very presence. But she too, thinks too small. Such petty things don''t matter. What matters is moving forward, and I intend to do that.

    <hr>

    Ralf

    I stand in the courtyard, my arms crossed. It was finally time to win my pride back. Lillith of Endings. That was the name of the girl who spat in my face. I had been shocked to learn she was sponsored by Duke Godfrey himself. I worried I would never be able to make her pay. For weeks I couldn''t get it out of my head. Because of her sponsor, she thought she could humiliate me? I couldn''t let it stand. I had to confront her again.

    So I went to her dorm. I stood outside her room at night and used light mana to project myself up at her window. My magical specter stared inside, all night, every night. She never acted. Never tried to fight it or so much as approached her window. She was that terrified. I could see it whenever I passed her. Her head down, her eyes avoiding mine. She knew she wasn''t safe.

    Even when we shared a class, she was too afraid to look at me. She never made eye contact a single time. I smirked whenever she looked away, too frightened to so much as apologize or ask me to leave her alone. Of course, I dominated her in all the tests as well. It wasn''t a huge victory, but I returned a small amount of the humiliation she inflicted on me. She always rushed from the class, too ashamed to risk being confronted about it.

    For two years we have played this game. I keep her in her place and she bows under the pressure. Illusions at her window weren''t all, either. I spread rumors about her. Some were believable and likely, like her sexual relationship with Godfrey. Some were insane and only a few people repeated them. I even managed to convince some people she was the monster hunting nobles every night. That one was almost a prank on both of them, as he fled whenever he saw her and she watched on in panic as he did so.

    Whatever they were, they chipped away at her. Bit by bit, until she was desperate enough to accept a duel with me. I hear she is powerful, but she''s taken no combat classes, and she''s a woman. So, once I had beaten her spirit to a pulp over the course of years, I approached her and threw my family''s crest on a wooden shield at her feet. She paused, and just as I hoped, turned to pick it up and return it to me. The fool girl was at her wit''s end, willing to try anything to end her torment. She probably thought being humiliated in one duel would be enough to satisfy me, and she could live in peace again.

    She was wrong. "The first night the moon wanes, one hour past sundown, in the courtyard by the statue of the first headmistress," I announced proudly. The wide-eyed and panicked look she gave me has nourished me since.

    "Uh-huh," she finally agreed, too scared to even properly acknowledge the duel. Her failure to form real words was sweet like sugar. And now is that night. The night of the duel when I finally put her in her place, and do it in a way above reproach, even in the eyes of Duke Godfrey. It took far longer than I would have liked, but her initial fear convinced me she would never accept if I rushed things.

    Even now, she is dawdling. Dragging her feet on her way here. She''s nearly an hour late, but that''s alright. The slower she is, the more I''ll make her regret it.

 Chapter 59 - Breakthroughs

    Sarafyna

    I take a deep breath. It''s been nearly three years since the last time I had gone on a mission alone. When I... when I tortured that man. Even now, I can''t completely say I''m not glad I did. But I can say I wish I hadn''t, and maybe that''s enough. Lillith and I simply can''t handle all of these as a team anymore, however, and I am more equipped to fight priests. She''s certainly not bad at it but as she is fond of saying, we use their weapons against them, and I''m the one with divine magic.

    Technically I have mana as well but even after all this time, I can''t use it for much. It makes an effective counter for mages with less mana. I can release the aura in full force and overwhelm their spells, but I can''t cast my own. A mage with as much or more mana than me will still be able to cast, and I''ll be at a disadvantage. Those are few and far between, however. Every time I, well, dispose of a priest, my mana grows. Or, more accurately, their mana grows together.

    That''s the real problem. The same reason my scars are only growing worse. Because they aren''t me, and their mana isn''t my mana. I don''t have mana of my own. Of course, Dad and Lily insist my scars do go away sometimes, but they are always back by the time I see a mirror. Lily says it only happens when I am with Dad as well. I have never been able to explain this to their satisfaction, but I have never really understood my abilities. I certainly can''t use them like the priests do, to slither into other people''s minds and take the reins.

    That''s what it is. Slithering. I can feel it whenever they do it around me. It always reminds me of the day I was first taken from my father. Like worms under my skin, crawling their way around. I can almost feel how they do it. I can''t describe it, but the knowledge is intrinsic but vague, like a fading memory or a recurring dream. It''s just so... wrong that I know I could never do it myself. Not just morally wrong, it felt wrong. It tastes like bile. It doesn''t matter. Priests are too used to having that control; they rely on it and always panic when it fails. Every single time.

    Still, I am nervous. I am fighting priests on my own for the first time in a while, and I don''t want to be what I was when I lived in the Woods. I don''t want to be a woman who tortures people. But I do have to face these priests, and I can''t lean on Lillith to do it. I have everything they took from me and more. I have spent the last few years with my father. I''ve even been making hats again. But whenever I visit a temple I feel so... powerless. Not literally; I know I am strong, but part of me is still the girl, terrified of her first confession.

    Even worse, another part of me fears my own lack of self-control. Because even though I have everything back and an entirely new life... they still had no right to take what they did, and they still deserve to pay. I''m not at a temple today, however. The church has grown more cautious in recent years. They take their new recruits to new, hidden, locations. Not beneath their temples, but in different underground alcoves, not unlike Lily''s safe houses.

    It''s pointless. They can''t hide from me. My divine magic grows the same way my mana does, but I can control it. And the priests aren''t the only ones with a unique use for it. None of them can see like I do, because none of them have ever needed to. Or maybe looking past their own noses is as foreign a concept to them as stealing someone''s mind is to me. In either case, it has been proved time and time again that they can''t see like I do. I had to live without eyes for years, surrounded by magic and mana of both varieties.

    I can track divine priests across the city with ease. I can get a sense of endoaspects as well, it''s what brought Lily and me together in the first place and my range has only increased since. Priests have been visiting this old home regularly, and going too far down when they do. They might as well be a beacon. There are three down there right now, among a couple of dozen smaller sources of divine mana. There aren''t however, any smaller people with it. This gives me pause.

    I had come here to liberate any ''new recruits'' they had abducted, but if they have any they haven''t taken them to the Radiant Woods yet. I focus more and realize the number of smaller sources is increasing. One of the priests is channeling his magic into it and it feels like... well it''s not slithering like control. It''s more like... sympathy? Or empathy maybe? It''s like an attempt to understand or... communicate. It hits me.

    We''ve been taking their communication orbs partially to study and partially to, well, limit their communication. This isn''t where they train new priests, this is where they enchant. I decide to adjust my plans. Instead of forcing my way in to save captives who aren''t there, I find a comfortable and dark corner to hole up in while I pour all my focus into the activity below. Because just like with their control, as I feel them use their magic, I understand it. It''s like following a thread through a tapestry. As they enchant the orbs below me, I learn how to do the same.

    I stay there for hours. Focusing. Hiding. I stay there until the fog clears and I am certain I can manipulate my magic in the same way. It''s not like with control; it''s not repulsive. It''s kind, in a strange way, and I can do it. Finally, I stand, elated at the prospect of telling Lily about this. I need to try it, but I''m certain I''ll be able to do the same.

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    <hr>

    Leo

    I look over my shoulder as I think I hear something. The roads are empty. I''m still in the wealthy quarter, not quite to my inn yet. There shouldn''t be anything to fear here, not for most nobles. There was always something to fear for me, however. Every drip on the cobblestone and every shifting shadow sends pangs of panic through my heart. It''s only been getting worse. It''s the last year of the academy, and I''d hoped the nobles would grow bored with tormenting me, but they only harass me more.

    I just need to make it to the end of the year. Six more months and I can do Lady Harper proud. I''ll graduate from the academy and prove she didn''t make a mistake in sponsoring me. It doesn''t matter how much they hate me. I''ll prove they can''t keep me down, for both our sakes. Like Lord Godfrey, I can elevate Lady Harper''s name with my success. They can''t keep slandering her if I prove I was worth sponsoring. So I put up with the abuse, the beatings, the spoiled food, and the mockery.

    It''s nothing I haven''t always dealt with. And at the end of it... at the end of it is a reward I never dreamed was possible. Lily and her friend can give me true safety for the first time in my life. Safety, security, and peace. I just have to fulfill my promise. Follow through on my obligation, and I can put this behind me. I''ll never have to worry again. Never look over my shoulder and wonder, as I am doing now. Six months.

    I hear a step again and I spin around. A bead of sweat runs down my head as I strain my eyes trying to make out any movement on the dark, quiet streets. It wouldn''t be that strange to find another noble walking the streets, even this late at night. It''s not running into someone else that scares me. It''s their absence when I turn to look. It''s amazing how terrifying someone can be just by... not being there. I hear them every time I move, but I never catch them. I could be making the noises up for all I know, but the possibility doesn''t make me feel better.

    I left particularly late, waiting in a tavern until sundown to travel specifically so my routine couldn''t be tracked. Because once Iris told everyone she''d seen me leave campus regularly, I stopped being safe once I left the gates. I''ve repeatedly had to change my inn just so they didn''t wait for me. I grow less safe every day, and if they know when to find me, they will. I begin to walk again, then stop. Then I walk, then stop. Every time, there is another set of footsteps behind me. I''m certain now. I''m being followed.

    I begin to move slowly, trying to act as normal as possible, until I pass an intersection. Just as I do, I suddenly turn and run as fast as I can. As I do I hear feminine laughter and giggling from at least two sources. I can''t stop here. I have to get away, but I can''t go back to my inn. As I hear more footsteps join the others following me, I push myself harder. I take a sharp left down an alley, then a right at the first turn. Just as I do a stone hits the wall of the building to my right. it would have hit my back had I failed to turn when I did.

    I''m not in particularly good shape and it''s not long before I have a stitch in my side and I''m gasping for breath, but I can''t stop. I frantically search my surroundings. The buildings around me are all quality wood and even the alley roads are well maintained. I''m still in the Noble Quarter and miles from help. Then I spot it. A swinging sign for a restaurant called ''The King''s Grace''. I widen my eyes. I can''t possibly be this lucky. If memory serves, there is a place to hide nearby, I just need to shake my pursuers for long enough to get there.

    Just as I catch my breath, another stone is thrown, this one hitting me in the shoulder and knocking me to the ground. I try to scramble to my feet but a mana-controlled stone slides into place just as I step. I immediately collapse again and cry out in pain to a chorus of laughter. I try to put pressure on it but sharp pain surges through me as I do. My ankle is twisted, but I''m so close, I just need a distraction.

    I can''t fight them with spells, not with the massive difference in mana, but I might be able to distract them. I force myself to stand and groan with each step as I limp. There is a right-hand turn just a few paces in front of me and the discarded garbage and refuse of a restaurant against the left wall. I create a bright flash of light. This is the first mana most mages aspect, so it''s unlikely they weren''t expecting it, but I maintain it for as long as I can anyway. While their vision is impaired, I duck to the left and cover myself in the filth.

    They break the light spell within seconds, and I hear them catch up, then split up. One goes in the direction I had been running, and at least two go down the alley I hadn''t chosen. It won''t confuse them for long, so I have to move. I grit my teeth and use the wall to pull myself up. It takes every ounce of will I have to hold the pained groans and wincing back. As quickly as I can, I limp back the way we had come. I make it a few dozen paces before I hear them giggling and running back my way.

    It was too late, however, as I had found it. The abandoned restaurant is right in front of me, and I push my way through the door. I have to close it slowly to avoid making a noise and I actually see two faces emerge just before the door shuts. Iris and Jocelyn. My primary tormentors. I hold my filthy hand over my mouth to keep myself quiet. Had they seen me?

    The moment extends, heavy with my anxiety but... they don''t approach. Instead, I hear them talking in hushed tones and running in another direction. I turn and press my back to the door and slide to the ground. That had been too close. I''m becoming more and more certain that if they catch me, they won''t stop until I am dead. They act like it''s just simple bullying, but I see the hate and disgust in their eyes. If they think they can get away with it, they will kill me. They aren''t the first to look at me like that. If Lily hadn''t told me where to find her safe houses, I don''t know if I would have made it tonight.

    I try to wipe the welling tears in my eyes on my arm but gag as I remember the filth all over my body. I can''t do it anymore. I''ll keep going to class for the rest of the year, but I need help. Lily... she won''t let them kill me. I''ve been able to handle it until the last couple of weeks. But things have gotten so bad, I can''t keep this to myself anymore. I really wanted to prove they couldn''t break me. I didn''t need to be saved. But who am I kidding? My pride isn''t worth it. I need help. I''ll stay here for now and over the next day off, but next time I see Lily, I''m telling her everything.

 Chapter 60 - The Respect I Deserve

    King Darian

    I smile to myself as I read Ansel''s most recent report. Finally. At last, it is done. I am close enough to my goals that I can taste it. I can feel the gold of the throne beneath my fingertips. The weight of the crown on my head. I just need to tie up loose ends. It has been years in the making. Dearest father is going to pay for what he did to my mother. She had been the king''s favorite maid. The third daughter of a minor noble house, but a beautiful one.

    He''d required her services nearly every day, I''m told. That was, until her pregnancy started to show. Mana capacity is passed down from parent to child. It''s why our royal family is so undefeatable, they have thousands of years of generational power. This is one reason no one has ever managed to knock them from the throne. They have nothing to fear from anyone but each other. This is why when a powerful noble, particularly a royal, impregnates staff, well. They remove the threat.

    They don''t wait for the mother to give birth and risk the child surviving. No, they don''t let it get that far. They dispose of the mother before the child can take its first breath. My mother was no exception, or, she wasn''t supposed to be. My dear father is the most foolish king we have had in a thousand years. He didn''t behead her, hang her, or do anything that would ensure her death. No, he had her poisoned and her body abandoned outside a brothel.

    He didn''t have the stomach to look in her eyes while she died. He was too much of a coward to let her know her fate before she met it. Which is why he never learned that she survived. She was rescued by the Madam of the very brothel that was meant to be her grave. And with her survival came mine. It left her sickly and bedridden. I never saw my mother on her own two feet. Not a single time in my life. But I''ve always known who would have to pay for it. She never wanted me to risk revenge, and while she lived I never pursued it. But ten years ago, she finally passed. The poison had finally done its work.

    I had the finest magic circle I could get my hands on immediately drawn. It wasn''t the circle that was my birthright, but with enough power even the son of a sick maid can find a powerful one. I knew I could make up the difference with determination. And I have. To this day, I still sit in this room. In this circle, inside the very brothel I was raised in. I will earn the power to kill the king. Mana isn''t enough, however. I have a half-brother, a cousin, and my uncle on my father''s side to deal with.

    The only way a king can be overthrown, even by an equal or greater in mana, is with allies. It takes a mage who can fight him and the support of the nobles around him. We may outclass them all in single combat, but with all of them on one side, there is no contest. This was my largest barrier. I was able to recruit my mother''s family easily, but other nobles were hard to convince. Up until a few years ago, I only had perhaps a hundred allies total. Not nearly enough to challenge the king of the country. Especially not with his other family members.

    That''s where Ansel came in. Ansel, the bard who had been in love with my mother. The only man in this country who hates the king as much as I do. The bard who had become Lord Godfrey''s personal assistant. Godfrey, the true threat. The lord most loved by the nobility. He had his own designs on the throne, and an excellent chance of earning it. There was nothing worse for me than a competent opponent. Ansel found, during a rare trip to a little city called Satusmor, a natural divine mage. A mage so drunk on himself he actually thought he had his own chance of becoming King.

    After stroking his ego and bringing him to the capitol, Ansel drugged Godfrey''s pastries and we put a leash on my dear uncle. The idiot noble believed he could control him to seize the throne. Of course, the best he could manage was keeping him docile. Everyone knows divine magic can''t force someone into a fight to the death. You can''t even touch a target without breaking the spell. Royal mages are beyond powerful. He would be fighting him every step of the way. The fool never stood a chance of using him as anything more than a pet. If he risked any more, he would be dead. And, of course, that''s exactly what happened.

    That was almost the end of things. I hadn''t managed to win over nearly enough allies, and Godfrey returned. His diminished reputation helped, but it wasn''t enough. I knew he would eventually regain what he had lost. I had only managed to make small moves and spread the news of my existence a little. I tried minor attacks and sabotage but my resources were limited. I hadn''t even managed to dispose of Godfrey''s son yet. I wasn''t too worried about the prince. So long as I separate them and kill them one at a time, allies will be all I need. But Godfrey''s son was as likely to gather allies as his father. I needed to eliminate my opponents'' allies, have the prince removed from the city, and then kill the king.

    The only piece I have that would make a decent assassin is Ansel himself, and I would only do that if I was desperate. He''s far too valuable in the noble court, not to mention recognizeable. His build, his spells, even the way he moves in combat is distinct. A well known bard killing high profile nobles would be spotted immediately and executed in short order. I needed an assassin no one would expect, with abilities no one would recognize. Then, one night, one of my plans had an interesting hiccup.

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    I''d bribed a guard captain to turn a blind eye to my men''s movements through one gate. I intended to smuggle more allies in from other cities, one of the ways I am tipping the scales in my favor, and I had one team assigned to that duty for multiple days. The captain kept other guards away and left it, essentially unmonitored. But when he returned, the men had been murdered. He blamed me, and that bridge had been burned. But it was worth it, when Ansel reported he had found the culprit. Godfrey had brought his own pet back from Satusmor. Some psycho bitch with a taste for blood.

    The delusional child was planning her own revolution. Ansel followed her on Godfrey''s orders and discovered she had begun actually hunting nobles with slaves, and she was doing it well. For some reason, she was extremely powerful. She even managed to fight Ansel off once. Godfrey and I had the same idea. While Godfrey offered protection to powerful allies, I aimed her. I bribed slave handlers so large requisition requests were accepted for inconvenient nobles. She didn''t get to them right away, but she did eventually. It wasn''t perfect since not all nobles use slaves, but I had my assassin.

    Many of the kings staunchest supporters, all dead. Which, of course, resulted in the knights and bards being wasted as guards for those remaining. Which just soured the rest of the nobility on him and drove allies to me. It supported Godfrey as well, but I knew something he didn''t. See, there are only so many whisper spheres that can reach other cities, and their operators are quite prestigous. All of them recently found themselves in possession of quite a few slaves. Once my sweet little killer handled them, I made sure my own people earned their positions.

    I may have fewer allies, but I am the only one that will be able to call for help when I make my move. Over the last year, I have systematically faked messages to the least convenient nobles in the city, including several of Godfrey''s allies and the prince himself. I had to move slowly to avoid suspicion and I didn''t entirely, but it was worth it. None of them will make it back in time to stop me. With the missing slaves, the selfish king, and the suspicion on the church with that ''monster'' silliness, this city is sitting on the precipice of collapse. It''s been building up like a tea kettle for the last few years and I have to applaud Godfrey. He knows how to find people.

    I finally look up, then ring a bell indicating I am done reading and Ansel may enter. He opens the door, crosses the room, and kneels. He is a little too slow and I narrow my eyes, then grit my teeth as he tenses. I hate when he tries to read my emotions. But I can let it go. I am having a good day because today, my little assassin finally ended the last target on my list. Before anyone inconvenient returned as well.

    "Your highness," Ansel greets and I smile.

    "You''ve done well, Ansel. I have a new mission for you," I respond and he is silent as he waits for my instructions. After she fought so hard to defend her own betrayer, I knew this ''Lillith'' girl was too unstable to approach directly until she had done what I needed her to do. Now that she has, however, I can. "The girl," I finally say, "I want her on my side. Do everything you can to recruit her, and eliminate her if you can''t. She will make a useful ally but a troublesome opponent. I have no desire to allow Godfrey to use her instead. I want to make our move on the king in three weeks."

    "As you wish your highness. I will handle her by tomorrow evening. Everything has been in place for some time. She will be here kneeling, or in the ground before my next report," he answers, still looking down.

    "Very well. You are dismissed," I say. Just as he stands, bows, and turns to leave I speak again. "And Ansel," I call making him pause, "Don''t lose again," I order.

    "I will not, your highness," he promises, then departs. I can''t help but smile. It is almost time to finally leave this circle. Almost time to have my revenge and this country, served up on the same platter.

    <hr>

    Lady Cateline

    I scowl and bite the nail of my thumb. I can''t stand this humiliation anymore. That useless common born girl refuses to stop humiliating me. She is a stain on my reputation. Every noble parent that visits and sees her on campus leaves with a smirk or a sneer. I am being used as evidence that while women should handle the children in class, a man should be headmaster.

    I hear the murmurs when I enter a room. The snickers. This is the only position a woman can have in this country that commands real respect, and I am losing it. All because of some stupid child who refuses to present herself as a dignified woman. She is disrespectful, stupid, and disgusting. She wants to undo all the work I have done to force people to view women as equals. I was doing so well. I had men that were too afraid to talk down to me. But I failed to rein in one little girl with a powerful sponsor, and here I am.

    When they look at me, they don''t see the proud headmistress of the prestigious Facinley Academy. They see a woman who failed to raise even a commoner child properly. The headmistress whose professors have been resigning and disappearing for years. I can''t allow it any longer. I don''t care who her sponsor is. I will be rid of her. She has made enemies of more than me, however. With the right incentive, I can get a few students to... handle the problem. No one will blame me if some other powerful noble children let things get out of hand. I just have to give her enemies a little... push.

 Chapter 61 - Thunderclap

    Lillith

    I push myself back with force as I approach the rooftop. This has become one of my favorite ways to travel across the city over the last few years. I launch myself from a rooftop with force, then slow my fall to make a gentle landing. It''s an incredibly quick mode of travel and, more importantly, makes me feel a bit like Yu Shu Lien. It initially took too much mana to keep up consistently and was far too conspicuous, but both problems have been solved.

    With the changes in the city and my growing mana pool, mana limits are rarely a worry for me. I can''t fight quite as well as inside the Radiant Woods, but I don''t have to push myself for most spells. I''ve also got a fancy cloak I have enchanted to disperse light coming in my direction. It doesn''t make me invisible, but at night it''s pretty close. It turns my entire body into an empty void of darkness. It''s extremely visible in daylight but right now, I am as close to invisible as a moving target can be. With my gentle landings and the dark around me, I can pass unnoticed at much faster speeds.

    I no longer need to call Sarafyna every time I need to rush across the city, unless I need to move especially quickly. It has, broadly speaking, been a good few years. It''s been nice not caring about graduating; I haven''t had to work myself into an early grave just to make sure I pass every class. That''s not to say I haven''t been working. The more I do the more there is to do. The crown has been using the flimsiest of excuses to arrest its own citizens and create more slaves, who they have been keeping in more discreet locations.

    I can often stop the arrests as they happen, but whether I do that or find them later they are in much smaller groups. They''ve been separating the new priest ''recruits'' as well and I haven''t been able to rely on Sara''s help as consistently. That''s alright because, finally, we have our very own communication orbs, or Whisper Spheres, as Sara claims they are called by the church. It even turns out that long-distance spheres are no more difficult to manufacture than the personal ones used within the city. This is relieving and troubling in equal measure.

    Long-distance communication has always been a gap I couldn''t close and I worried we wouldn''t be able to manage it so I''m glad to have that worry off my chest. It also confirms, however, that the strange and artificial isolation of cities is very much by design, and I haven''t figured out why. Neither the church nor the kingdom should benefit from this. In fact, it has made my job much easier. I''d like to be grateful, but it makes me uneasy.

    Tensions are as high as ever between the people, the temple, and the nobility. No one trusts anyone else and, if the king pushes any harder, it will only take a spark to set this country on fire. These people are ready to fight. I can see it in their eyes as I walk through the market. I can see it in the closed windows and hushed whispers. All they need is someone to fight the pillars of power with them. The king and other mages who can hit the people like a nuclear bomb. The king is the only one that is likely to, at least. Every other powerful mage I know about is aware that ruling people requires having people to rule.

    As I fly from the poor, run-down buildings to the ornate mansions and wide roads, I adjust my course a bit. My Radar goggles pick up a group of five patrolling through a nearby alley that I want to avoid. The church has been throwing everything into catching me. They''ve been growing more desperate as their numbers dwindle and their control fades. Fewer people have been showing up for confession to have the control re-established as well. Commoners technically are legally required to go now, but as the King abandoned the pretense that ''following the law is possible'' the sting of the word ''criminal'' began to fade.

    Confession used to be more or less required by social agreement, which actually worked better, but with a monster running freely through the city and the previous divine suggestions gone, the appeal is not what it once was. It''s now just another excuse to seize random people as slaves. All that being the case, the church has all but abandoned the practice for the time being. When they do get a confession, their control fades too quickly for it to be worthwhile. Instead, finding me is priority number one. To kill me, or I suppose try dropping me in the Radiant Woods. But also to question me. They want their power back, and they want it bad.

    Dodging them has also made things slower and more difficult. I don''t have time to fight priests every time I go out, and they have been sticking closely to slave owner''s homes. Fortunately, with slaves being spread out more, it''s harder for them to know where to guard. I simply have to choose targets they didn''t, and I always see them first. Tonight is no different. I''ll simply head to the next target on my ever-shortening list. I''ve added names over the years, of course, but only so many people can die before a few nobles start to wonder if requisitioning new ones is worth it.

    I am endlessly grateful the church and crown seem to be uninterested in working together. I don''t know if that''s because of my vampire gambit, because they both want to believe they are in charge, or both. But if they both searched for me, or agreed on one spot to keep all slaves and both guarded it, this would be far more difficult. But the idiot king hasn''t looked for me at all, instead focusing on shoring up his defenses. His favored nobles have certainly been well protected. Powerful mages all over their estates, and the palace, have made those targets nearly untouchable.

    Little does he know, I don''t need to touch them. He thinks he can hide until I''ve been handled and he and his powerful friends can just emerge victorious. But like I said. He is the only one who might nuke the people, and he will be the first royal I kill. As soon as I have gotten as many slaves as possible to safety, the time will come for just that. I just need to draw him out. Him and Medici, the father of the temple, if I can. Once I get them in one place and within my reach, well... That''s all she fucking wrote.

    As I pass out of the entertainment district, hiding from the patrons of various upscale taverns and gambling halls, I see my destination. Not a private slave owner this time, but the manager of a cabaret. He''s a particularly nasty one who uses his slaves for a fighting ring in the basement. Well, for one final night, he is. I push myself from one roof and revel as the wind blows past me. I''ll never get tired of flying like this, even if it''s not true flight at the moment.

    As I approach the next rooftop, I extend force to slow my fall, and... nothing happens. My force mana disperses as soon as I aspect it. I try again, to the same effect. "Oh fuck," I whisper as I collide with the building at full speed. I feel myself bruise and my face smacks into the ridges. While still dazed, I roll down the side of the roof and slide off, landing hard on my back. My head cracks against the cobblestone and I groan in pain. I hold one hand to my face, then examine it. It''s covered in blood, probably from my nose.

    It''s tender to the touch and I suspect it''s broken. If I hadn''t strengthened my muscles and bones so much over the last couple of years, my injuries would be far worse. I had hit extremely hard. What the fuck happened? I''ve never had my mana disperse like that before. I painfully climb to my feet and strain my eyes searching my surroundings. I hadn''t seen any patrols in the area. Only the patrons of the various businesses. The light mana on my goggles is still working and I don''t see any threats. I give my body a quick once over. I am going to bruise all over, but I''m not badly hurt. Certainly not like I would have been a few years ago.

    That''s when I realize it. It isn''t only force mana that dissipated. I can''t feel any grief. None at all, from a single soul anywhere near me. Then, a nearby restaurant starts to empty out. Not like it''s closing, everyone inside is headed in my direction. Then another restaurant does the same, and another. There must be four dozen people circling me. The realization of what''s happening dawns on me and my stomach churns. I''ve seen this scene before. I caused this scene before. And it hadn''t worked out too well for Baldwin. I am standing in the middle of a mana dispersal circle, designed specifically for me.

    How did they know about the grief mana? I could understand force, any mage could have seen me use it, which meant any aspect I had used in a fight may not work right now. But grief? Had I forgotten to extract my mana from my blood before dosing drinks or something? I wouldn''t make a mistake like that, and they would need to know who I was and what I was doing to even think of it. When had someone gotten the chance to examine me for my aspects?

    I hadn''t lost a tooth like Baldwin. I haven''t really lost a fight since... oh fuck. A phantom pain radiates from an old scar on my side. A scar I''d gotten from Autumn''s old bedframe when a piece broke off and stabbed me in the side. When I fought the fucking bard. The bard who made sure to extract the large splinter before leaving. The splinter and the mana-filled blood soaking through it. As if summoned by my realization, a familiar figure in a familiar mask rounds the corner. I take a deep breath and tense. There is nowhere to run, not yet. I am completely surrounded. I need to make a plan.

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    "Don''t worry, Lillith of Endings, we only want to talk," the man says, holding a placating hand up to me. What mana can I use? I have my new aspects and I haven''t used them all publicly. I haven''t needed to. But that doesn''t mean I can use them. If I try to check, the bard will see and he''ll know what to expect. I have to wait for the right moment and hope it works. Lightning is my best bet. It''s quick and a good match for whatever metal he uses. I''ve also never used it while hunting. If I time it right...

    "Talk, talk about what?" I asked, scanning the emerging nobles around him. As a bard, each and every one was going to make him stronger. I''m stronger than I had been in our last fight, but so is he.

    "Oh, not going to deny your name?" he inquires, mild interest painting his voice. Why would I do that? I hadn''t been wearing a mask the last time I saw him. What would be the point? I have to get out of here and warn everyone to run now. They could be at my house already but... why had they waited all this time?

    "What do you want?" I ask instead of answering his question.

    "Nothing much. I want to make you an offer. You''ve been... a great help over the years. My master would simply like to make our alliance... official." I narrow my eyes. I had been helping him? I don''t have time to worry about what he means by that.

    "Your master?" I probe and he holds his hands out to his side.

    "Why, the rightful king of Potestia, King Darian. He''s a big fan of yours Lady Lillith. He wants your help to ascend the throne. Well, more of your help," he offers.

    "The rightful king, huh?" I respond, "And what exactly does he think I can do for him?"

    He laughs, "What can you do for him? All of this is thanks to you, Lillith. Don''t play coy, you''ve practically pulled the throne from under Donatello''s ass! The last thing we need to do is kill the man. With our help, you can do that. Come now Lillith. You are no Baroness. You could stand at the top of the court. Take care of your family with wealth you have never imagined. All he asks for is fealty. I think you''ll find he treats you better than the current regime ever did," he offers.

    For someone who seems to know so much about me, it doesn''t seem like he has been paying much attention. "And if I say no?" I ask and his face darkens.

    "That would be foolish Lillith. Look, I know you have your little crusade. You want to be a hero. A queen the people love and praise for saving them from their oppressors. But we''ve seen through the facade of justice. It was a good idea, pulling allies from the common people, but no one will ever accept a queen, however grateful they are. On some level, you must understand that. You want to be loved? To be seen as a hero? We can do that, and without the ridicule you''d receive if you tried to wear the crown. Come on now, come meet the true king," he offers, holding a hand out to me.

    "That doesn''t answer my question. What if I say no?" I repeat and his face takes on a distinct edge.

    "No is, I''m afraid, not an answer we are entertaining," he replies, clear frustration in his voice.

    "So it''s service or death, is that it?" I guess and he simply holds his hands out and shrugs. "I see. Well then, Potestian, take me to your leader," I agree and he smiles.

    "I''m glad to see you are no fool," he says then gestures to a couple of his allies. "I''m sorry about the shackles. Just a precaution, you understand. I''m afraid I misread you. I can feel it now. You don''t feel greed, but desperation. Which, I''m afraid, requires far more caution." I recognize the mana suppression shackles as they try to reach for my wrist. Shit. I had hoped the bard himself would approach. No matter. As the first man grabs my arm, I yank as hard as I can. He screams in pain as his arm dislocates and ligaments tear. I grab his head with one hand and the head of the second man with my other.

    It''s hardly more difficult than crushing a couple of cantaloupes as I slam their heads together. The visceral gore draws gasps and cries from many of the lesser nobles, but the bard just scowls. I don''t wait for him to respond, I jump. No force mana, just my own strength. It''s still enough to reach an upper window in the building I had fallen from, and I crash through the glass and begin running. Once I''m out of sight, I cycle through my mana to see what I can aspect. Metal, water, light, and electricity. Well, it''s not a terrible combo.

    I want to run in the direction I came but if they finished the circle while I was already inside it, I have no guarantee it''s not further to the edge in that direction. I don''t even know how big it is. "You can''t escape, Lillith. We know who you are. We know where you live. Where will you go?" the bard calls as he appears behind me. I try to summon a metal wall, an easy enough task usually but it''s too slow without grief mana. He on the other hand is empowered in a dozen ways by dozens of people, including myself. He fires his own metal projectiles at me and they tear through my flesh like bullets. My left arm is a bloody, shredded mess and my leg has a graze as well.

    I grit my teeth and disappear into a door. "I don''t want to kill you Lillith, you''re of more use to the rightful king alive than dead," he laments as he nonchalantly enters the room. There isn''t another exit, which he must have known before we ever entered. He did his homework. The only way out is another window, far to my right. I''ll never make it before he kills me, and I do believe he will this time, whether he wants to or not.

    "That''s the thing," I say while I prepare a light spell, which he only chuckles at, "There is no such thing as a rightful king." Then I run for the window. He sighs and his metal shards are already flying at the window, long before I make it. I don''t care. I throw myself, with every ounce of strength I have, to the right, directly through the plaster and wood of the wall. As I am once again falling at full speed to the ground, I cast my triply layered light spell. The world around all of us goes black as ''Total Eclipse of the Heart'', as I like to call it, takes effect.

    "That won''t work Lillith," the bard calls as I hit the cobblestone a second time, pain shooting through my arm. "Even if you don''t cast another spell, I can feel your fear. Your panic. Your rage. You can''t get away!" I don''t care. This spell isn''t for him, it''s for his friends. Because I didn''t make it dark. I created a total eclipse, or the effects of one. The darkness is a distraction from the UV rays I am transmitting. UV rays that don''t hurt to look at, but still do damage. The darkness starts to get torn apart by various other mages and I have to dive just as I''m standing to avoid spells of stone, wood, and fire from all directions.

    I can''t hold them all back but thankfully my base mana is still enough to put up a fight. It seems the bard isn''t empowered enough to directly crush my mana, even if it''s a close thing. After a moment, the darkness disappears, but it''s too late. "Someone dispel the damn darkness you morons!" the bard calls and I grin, standing again then begin pouring all my mana into a lightning spell. It takes a lot if I want to control it, but I should have enough. My Total Eclipse spell is far more dangerous than looking at the sun. The amount of UV light I produced at the range I produced it is far more than anyone on earth is ever at risk of staring into. Everyone in range would have the most severe solar retinopathy in history. Well, everyone but me.

    Before I can finish my spell, however, the bard flies at me at speed. I barely manage to avoid decapitation as I dodge to the side. His summoned blade still bites deep into my flesh and I have to bite back a scream. "What the fuck did you do?" He yells, "I can still feel you, you spoiled child. I can feel how relieved you are. How smug. Do you think this will stop me?" he demands. I don''t, but lightning might. Rapid blindness does more than darkness. It blinds you to mana as well.

    This means while he can feel where I am with his endoaspects, he can no longer see my spells. I begin to run and he follows. He''s faster than me and I narrowly avoid another hit. Thankfully, his allies panic more than he does. We both have to dodge spells flung in my general direction by the other nobles, but he can''t see them. I am impressed he still manages to dodge them when I realize he is reacting to my emotions. Dodging when he feels my hope, staying the course when he feels my disappointment. The man is a fucking monster.

    I turn around and stop looking. A risky move, since I won''t be able to dodge his attacks, but it pays off. "Stop your spells you damn fools, leave the bitch to me!" he shouts. The barrage of spells stops, but it''s too late. Pausing to yell at them was the gap I needed to finish aspecting enough electricity for a bolt of lightning, which releases and strikes him faster than even he could ever dodge. The thunder cracks through the area and the blind nobles duck for cover. He stumbles and hits the ground hard, then stops moving. I want to check if he''s dead but...

    "Th-there she is!" a man shouts and I curse. Some of them are starting to recover a bit already. Total Eclipse of the Heart is a good spell, but it''s inconsistent. The same effect on Earth was rare and I could only manage blindness on everyone due to massively increased exposure. Some wouldn''t recover, but if they hadn''t been looking in my direction or closed their eyes to focus or one of a dozen other variables, well. I have no idea how many people will be in fighting condition in a few moments, and I can''t risk it. I choose to flee. I take out my whisper sphere and activate it with mana.

    "Sara, I need to get out of here. Safehouse thirteen, meet me there immediately!" I cry into it and after a brief pause, I get a response.

    "On my way," is all she says, clearly aware I don''t have time to explain. I run through the dark streets, past the stares of onlookers, curious about the cause of the thunder. I hear cries behind me and put all of my remaining will into running. Finally, I circle behind an old abandoned butcher''s shop and hurry through its alley door. Sara and Autumn are waiting for me, and both immediately grab me so I don''t collapse from exhaustion.

    "W-what''s Autumn doing here?" I ask. It was a terrible idea to bring her. Why would she want to come?

    "I- I have to warn you," Autumn stutters, "About Lady Cateline."

    Shit, that didn''t sound good, but I don''t have time to ask about it. "Fine, but we need to get out of here first. We need to get everyone out of here. They know who I am," I announce. Sara and Autumn''s faces pale immediately.

 Chapter 62 - Eleonor

    Autumn

    I relax in the shared bath on campus. The last few years have been interesting. Many of my worries about Lillith simply... didn''t happen. Yeah, things are getting tense but the more I see the crown''s response, the more it seems like she has a point. Just last week a baker I liked was arrested and enslaved. I always went out of my way to stop at his bakery on the way from Lillith''s home since he was more skilled than even the bakers on campus.

    He had been accused of ''operating without a license'', a concept I''d never heard of and have been unable to find any evidence of existing. I''d always been taught slaves were repaying the kingdom for the harm they''d done but... the man had never done anything but make bread. No matter how I look at it, ''freeing slaves'' like him can''t be framed as bad. It doesn''t matter how the King responds. It doesn''t matter how tense things have gotten. Her choices have always been, leave people in slavery or help them.

    I don''t understand all of the logic behind everything. I haven''t been able to keep up with what''s going on but, I know that much is true. Which is why I can''t shake the guilt. I''ve done nothing to help, this entire time. What had Lillith said? I''m either benefitting or I''m a coward? That had felt cruel at the time, but I can''t get the words out of my head. She asked me to figure out which I was. I''m a coward. I can''t do what she does but... I don''t have the power she does. No, I''m a coward, because I got scared for my family and went to Lord Godfrey.

    At the time, I was certain it was the right thing to do. It was what I had always been told to do, and it felt right. I was proud of myself, even. I found out about a threat to the kingdom and I told someone in a position to help. But... when Lillith promised to keep my family safe... I started to see her actions differently. I started to understand what she was saying. That''s how I know I''m a coward. Because she sounded so dark and terrifying and wrong... until she stopped seeming dangerous to me. I don''t think Godfrey believed me. Nothing ever happened. He never even investigated her for the deaths in the city.

    Meanwhile, Lillith has been showing me more and more trust. I''ve tried to tell her, I have. But, like I said, I''m a coward. What if... what if she no longer wants to keep my family safe when she knows? Part of me knows she would never punish them for that but... I''m just so scared. I can''t get the thought out of my head. Every time I work up the courage, I''ll tell her I need to speak to her, and then... I find something else to say. I don''t know if I even need to. Nothing ever came of it. Three years and Godfrey hasn''t even questioned her, that I know of.

    She''s safe, and she''s keeping my family safe. That''s what I keep telling myself, but part of me doesn''t buy it. Part of me knows I should tell her. I shrink down into the hot water, blowing bubbles with my mouth. Maybe I''ll finally get it out of my head if I tell her, but... what if her knowing is worse? I''m shaken out of my thoughts as I hear other girls coming to use the bath. I groan, I had specifically chosen an unpopular time so I could be alone. When I hear the chatting voices and giggling in familiar voices I curse.

    Iris, Jocelyn, and the rest of their entourage are coming. I swim through the bath and hide behind a large stone in the middle. I can''t stand them. They are the picture of entitled nobles. If I''m the coward, they''re the ones in love with the benefits.

    "Tonight?" Iris asks and Jocelyn laughs.

    "Tonight, here on campus. Lady Cateline basically said our grades would all be perfect if we handled it as soon as possible!" Jocelyn responds.

    "Oh thank the Collector, I''m about to fail at least two classes!" another girl complains.

    "Well not anymore, we do this one thing and we don''t even have to go to class anymore. Plus, it''ll be fun. The little pervert has been asking to be put in her place," Jocelyn assured and I quietly moved up against the rock. Lady Cateline is offering them free grades for something? Why?

    "D-do we have to... uh, you know..." a fourth, quieter voice tried to ask and Jocelyn finished her sentence for her.

    "Kill her? Yes, don''t be a coward, Liora. Your dad is a magic knight, he kills people like her all the time. If it weren''t for her sponsor, she''d be long dead already. Besides, don''t you think she''s gross? It''ll be like putting a sick pet out of her misery, trust me," she says. I have to cover my mouth to stop a gasp from escaping. Are they seriously talking about... but who would they want to kill? Who would Lady Cateline want to kill?

    "I- I know, but I thought we were just going to, you know, get her to drop out. Isn''t killing a bit..." she trails off.

    "Well things change. Tell you what Liora, you want out, fine. Leave. But I know you are struggling too. If you are happy with failing out then do that. The rest of us are going to finish at the top of the class," Jocelyn rebukes.

    "N-no, I''ll help, I will, I just wanted to ask!" Liora assures. Shit. I have to hold my breath in the quiet baths, terrified they''ll hear me. They won''t leave me alive if they do.

    "Besides," Iris adds, "If anyone deserves it, it''s her. But how are we going to corner her this time?"

    "I have a plan for that, don''t worry," Jocelyn replies, "Just meet me behind the mana sciences building three hours past midnight, Iris and I will get her there. And, I think you should prove your dedication Liora. Why don''t you help? And we''ll never have to look at that filthy commoner girl again." I freeze. Shit, do they mean Lillith? But why does Lady Cateline want Lillith dead? Does she know about... but surely she would also know they don''t stand a chance unless... unless she helps them directly. Oh no, I have to warn her. Even Lillith likes to fight on her own terms. If she''s ambushed by someone like that, not to mention Lady Jocelyn, she may be in danger.

    Sweat runs down my head as I listen. Their conversation moves on to more mild things like they hadn''t just been idly talking about murdering a woman. So secure in their right to do so that they didn''t even bother checking if anyone else was here. It takes ages for them to finally leave, and even longer before I feel safe leaving myself. I get dressed as quickly as I can and get a carriage. I know Lillith isn''t at the dorm, and I have no idea where to find her. If I can catch Sara, however, she can warn her in time.

    The trip is agonizingly slow and I have to keep begging the driver to hurry, but this time, I am determined to do right by my friend.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    "That''s when she said you were the target," Autumn finishes and I put my hand on my chin. We''ve made it to campus, but Sara is still healing me from my last fight. Once she is done, we''ll pick up August and Leo and run. Autumn has taken the opportunity to tell me what she overheard in the bath.

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    "That doesn''t make sense," I respond after thinking about it. "Jocelyn made no attempt to speak to me, much less get me to go somewhere. Maybe it was before Cateline talked to her, but... why would she be so certain she could do it? It must be half an hour past that meeting time now. I''m definitely not there."

    "I''m not sure, she just sounded so certain. I assumed Lady Cateline would try to find you or something," Autumn answers.

    "But what did Iris mean ''this time''?" I wonder. "They''ve never bothered me before. I think Jocelyn kind of likes me, actually. It sounds more like..." My blood runs cold as realization dawns. "Autumn. You said they said I was the target right? Are you sure?" I ask, a cold sweat breaking out.

    She looks confused. "Yes? Who else would they mean?" She asks, panic in her voice incited entirely by my own.

    "Did they say my name? Did they say ''Lillith''?" I ask, desperately hoping she''ll say yes.

    "Well, no I guess not. They said ''That commoner girl'', I think. But there''s only you and Eleonor. And yeah Eleonor is eccentric but harmless. Why would anyone target her?" she asks.

    "Sara, I need to be done now, can we go any faster?" I beg and Sara finally speaks up, roused from her intense concentration.

    "Your left arm is bad, Lily. There is still metal inside, it''ll take at least another ten-" I cut her off.

    "This will have to do, I have to go, now," I say pulling my wounded arm away and stumbling to my feet as quickly as I can. I have to pause, as the wound on my leg finishes closing. I can''t afford to be slowed down, but it does give me time to explain what Autumn missed.

    "What, what''s wrong?" Sara startles and I look at Autumn.

    "You''re caught up in what you know about me. To Cateline and Jocelyn, the worst thing about me is my haircut and my sharp tongue. Leo, on the other hand... challenges everything they believe, to their face. Him, they hate. Because he''s not eccentric, and he doesn''t dress strangely. He''s just... himself. And they can''t stand it," I answer. "Autumn, show Sara where I am going."

    "He?" Autumn asks, but I have no time left. My leg is done, and I am out the door before she can ask for clarification.

    <hr>

    Leo

    They are after me again. I only came back to campus in hopes of finding Lily, but she wasn''t here. I have to get away from campus, but Jocelyn and Iris spotted me. I don''t understand why they won''t just leave me alone. What did I do so wrong? It''s always been like this. Everywhere I went.

    I would be dead now if it weren''t for Lady Harper. The first person I''d ever known that was like me. She told me I didn''t have to come here. She told me it would be dangerous. But I just... I wanted to help her. I wanted to prove we weren''t some creeps, or monsters, or anything else they call us. I wanted to improve her reputation by doing well here and becoming a mage they could respect. I wanted to be like Lady Cateline. A woman who, through competence and sheer will, rose to a position of power and shut up everyone who ever criticized her.

    If I could do that for Lady Harper, it would all be worth it. But when I got here, even Cateline hated me. Even she pushed me down whenever she got the chance. But I still admire her. I still want to be like her, but better. Lily had given me hope. She isn''t exactly like me, but she is in a way. She made this place bearable. Gave me a shoulder to lean on when it got too hard. Promised me a future where it wasn''t just my clothes that matched who I am.

    But I have to survive, and they are closing in on me. "Eleonor! Come on out!" Lady Iris calls. I duck behind the flowers. Jocelyn is up the other side of the path, and one of them will see me if I emerge. I don''t know where to go. I wish I had accepted the Whisper Sphere Lily offered me but... I didn''t want to be involved in all that. I just wanted to handle all of this alone. To prove I could. Now there is nowhere to hide. I''ll have to try a spell again and hope I can hide before they regain their sight.

    Just when I am about to, a voice whispers behind me. "Eleonor, I can help," she whispers. Fear shoots through me and I can feel my pulse in my temples as I turn. It''s another minor noble girl. One I had a few classes with. She''s never bothered me before, but I still don''t trust her. "Look, I know how they have treated you. I can get you out of here, I can get you someplace safe," she offers, holding her hand out.

    I search her face with wide, frantic eyes. "C-Can I... trust you?" I beg, "Please, I don''t... I don''t understand why they won''t leave me alone, I just want to find my friend," I beg. She looks at me with sad eyes.

    "I know, you can trust me," she promises. I search her eyes for signs of a lie, but she seems genuine. Nobles can''t be trusted, not by people like me, but... I can''t help but think of Lillith. Lily and Autumn, and August, and all the others that support her. I take a deep breath. Alright, Lily. A leap of faith. I will try trusting one noble.

    "Okay, I''ll go with you. Thank you, Liora," I hesitantly agree.

    "Alright, wait here," she says before leaving. I hear a brief conversation and I''m frozen in fear. Is she going to betray me? Is she going to tell them? I ready a light spell, just in case but... she sends them away. I let out a breath I didn''t realize I had been holding. Lily was right. Lily was right, and I was going to make it out, because of a noble.

    She pops up a moment later and I jump. "Come on," she says," I know a safe place you can stay, then I''ll find your friend for you," she offers. She helps me up and I brush myself off.

    "Thank you so much. I don''t know what would have happened without you. Thank you so much," I say, practically worshipping her with my tone.

    "N-no problem, Eleonor," she responds as I follow her through the campus. Every now and then shadows pass the garden plants and my heart stops. Every sound sends a chill through my spine, but eventually, we make it to our destination.

    "What are we doing here?" I ask as we circle around to the empty lot behind the science of mana building. Liora looks down and doesn''t answer. I realize why in only a moment. All of Jocelyn''s friends are here. Waiting. I turn to run, but Jocelyn and Iris stand in my way. Jocelyn is holding a dress up to me.

    "We thought it was about time you started acting like a lady," Jocelyn sneers. I feel hot tears form in my eyes.

    "Please. I''ll wear the dress. I''ll always wear the dress, from now on. I''ll do whatever you want but... please. Let me go. I- I''ll wear it, I''ll put on the dress, please..."

    <hr>

    Lillith

    I fly. I don''t care if anyone sees me. I don''t bother with any light spells or masks. I''d left them at the campus safehouse. I don''t care what happens. I use force mana at full power to propel myself through campus like a speeding train. The building is too far. It''s too long after they were supposed to meet. When I have to land I don''t stop. I fly through the garden foliage and the twigs and thorns leave fine cuts and slashes on my skin. I don''t feel them.

    I feel nothing but panic. I can''t let this happen, I can''t. Not to Leo. It feels like an eternity. Eons pass as I rush to save my friend. In reality, I make it in minutes but as I arrive I worry I was too slow. There are maybe a dozen women here, in this quiet lot. Leo is on the ground, crumpled up like a discarded receipt. He''s been forced into an ill-fitting dress and the wrap he uses to bind his chest has been torn off him. It''s lying a few yards away, covered in blood.

    I scream, the cry of a wounded animal and everyone stands back, even Iris and Jocelyn. They stare at me as I rush to his side and kneel down, tears already streaking down my face as I hesitantly reach my fingers to his neck, then his wrist. A pulse. I can''t find a pulse. "Well, would you look at that? Another common girl. I respect you more Lillith, I''ll let you leave, if you want. But we have business with your friend there, and if you stand in our way, well. I suppose we''ll have to put another commoner in the ground," she threatens. I ignore her.

    I can''t feel anything. No. No no no no no. I can''t... I can''t do this. There is so much blood. His limbs are broken and his jaw isn''t set correctly. One eye is swollen shut and bone juts out from his left leg. But Sara, Sara can fix that. He just needs to be alive. I move my fingers a little and... my lip quivers. Tears run down my cheeks. Because, however faint it is, I can feel a pulse. I just have to get him to Sara, who is on her way. I just have to keep him alive.

    Slowly, I look up at Jocelyn''s smirking face. It''s time to live up to my fucking name.

 Chapter 63 - Fix Your Hearts or Die

    Iris

    I grin wildly. Lillith of Endings, of all people, was the one to interrupt us. I''ll admit when a mage practically flew around the corner before we finished the little pervert off, my heart stilled. That fucking howl she made when she saw her little friend gave me gooseflesh as well. But I was just startled. By the mewling of a stray cat, no less. I couldn''t be more pleased. The little bitch has far too bold a tongue for her position. With Jocelyn here, she''ll have to learn to bow her head.

    And if she doesn''t, well... I lick my lips in anticipation. Every clever little quip in the world won''t save her. If it weren''t for her brutish strength and her luck with Lord Godfrey''s circle, I''d have handled her myself years ago. But her mana has been measured and she is wanting compared to Jocelyn. I know her. She won''t leave quietly. Which means I get an extra show tonight. It even seems like little Ellie here rubbed off on her. She''s dressed a bit like a man herself, although it looks like her outfit has been through a bit.

    None of that matters, however. All that matters is that I, Iris of the lesser house of Bonner, am going to graduate near the top of my class and be rid of two pests at the same time. Lillith is holding her hand to Eleonor''s wrist, as if it matters whether she is still alive or not. Even if she still is she won''t be for long. Neither of them is leaving here alive. Even if Lillith tries to submit, I can get a reaction out of her. Jocelyn will kill her one way or another. I''ll make sure of it. I''m not like these other nameless hangers-on. Jocelyn likes me. She listens to me.

    She stands and glares at us, then looks over to her right for a moment, and nods. I follow her gaze but see nothing. We''ll have to send someone to check over there later. It won''t do to have too many witnesses after all.

    "If any of you didn''t know what was happening here, or just came to see what the crowd was about, now is your chance to leave," Lillith growls and we all stare blankly at her. What in the third plane is she talking about?

    "Lillith, you are the one that should leave. And get yourself some proper clothes, you are in public, woman," Jocelyn laughs. Lillith scans all of us with her eyes. A sudden chill passes through us. It''s cold enough I would think it was a spell, if I could see or feel any mana. She starts walking toward Jocelyn. "Oh, you really don''t want to do this," Jocelyn warns, her aura flaring and putting a bit of pressure on the rest of us. It''s enough that I start to sweat despite the cold.

    I knew it. I fucking knew it. Oh, so smart Lillith doesn''t know when she is outmatched, even after watching Jocelyn''s mana measurement. Of course, Lillith obviously isn''t thinking clearly. She hasn''t even bothered to try a spell of her own. In fact, her eyes look completely empty. They show no thought or concern for her life, just a hollow, haunting grief. For Eleonor of all people! "This is your last warning, Lillith. I''d rather not upset Lord Godfrey, but he''s hardly the king. I will kill you," Jocelyn allows one final time and I scoff before choking back my laughter. Jocelyn is being too kind.

    I can tell her patience is running out, however. Her mana is taking on the distinct, orange color of her sun mana. I''ve seen her sear steak with this spell; Lillith won''t last a single second and Jocelyn is taking no chances. She is using more mana than I have ever seen in a spell. If it weren''t for her impressive control, I''d fear for everyone here. Lillith is maybe thirty seconds from a painful death when I notice something odd. She isn''t using any mana, but her ruby eyes have begun to take on a low glow. How is she doing that? I narrow my eyes at her and look closer. There is something coming off of her face. Not mana but... are her tears... steaming?

    They are. They are leaving light burn marks on her cheeks. Not bad ones, they''d heal in a few days if she lived that long. Is this an effect of Jocelyn''s mana? That thought paints a grin on my face. "Bye-bye, Lily dear," I say, holding one hand up and folding my fingers in a sarcastic wave. It''s only a shame Jocelyn didn''t want to play with her a bit first like the other girl. Lillith slowly raises one hand and closes her fist, maybe a few seconds before Jocelyn kills her. Then, something changes.

    She still uses no mana, but Jocelyn''s spell... crumples. Like the air and mana within were a paper that could be crushed between your fingers. Then, it shatters and the spell is just gone. The air is heavy with silence for a second. "W-What did you do?" Jocelyn demands, "How did you-" she begins but Lillith holds up her other hand and slams it into her still-closed fist. Jocelyn never gets a chance to finish her question. As Lillith''s hands meet, Jocelyn''s head... collapses. It''s crushed inward, beyond recognition, like a grape between two fingers. Her corpse falls to its knees, then its torso as blood pours from the stump of its neck.

    Again the air is thick with quiet, the gentle sound of water dripping over cobblestones occupying the time alone. I don''t understand what happened. Lillith hadn''t used a spell. No one understands. Everyone is frozen in place, unable to process our friend''s sudden death. Everyone but Lillith. She points at another girl and, faster than I''ve ever seen an element be conjured, sharp steel erupts from the ground beneath her. It''s when the two halves of her body fall to different parts of the ground that we finally react.

    Two women try attacking Lillith, their ice and stone spells shattering like Jocelyn''s before Lillith jerks her head toward them. As she does, both of their necks snap and they collapse into each other. One desperate girl actually pulls out a dagger and charges her. I can see the glow of a powerful enchantment on it and hope, for a brief moment, that it will be enough to end this. But Lillith moves at the same time. She is fast. Impossibly fast. I blink and she has closed the distance and is holding the woman by her hair. Her other hand holds the woman''s, keeping the dagger clenched tightly in it.

    She jerks the woman''s arm up and I hear a sickening snap as she doesn''t bother to follow its natural movements. Then, in three quick stabs, she uses the dagger to stab into her victim''s temple. The enchantment was powerful, and her head immediately begins to rot. As Lillith tosses her body aside with more force than should be possible, her torso and head separate in the air. The body thumps against the wall of the building to our side and the head... splatters like the rotten meat it is.

    It''s been maybe ten seconds since I was certain I would be watching Lillith burn. I''ve been gaping for ten seconds too long. I turn on my heel and run. I''m not the only one. All of us scatter. This lot is closed off a bit, which made it perfect for acting out of sight. It also makes it a death trap. Of the two exits, we all run for the one opposite Lillith, but there are too many of us. I hear choked screams all around me mixed with sobbing and begging from those who have already given up on escape.

    Their pleas are all cut short, only different, disgusting, squelching noises informing me of their fate. They were fools, but they slowed her down enough that I manage to clear the exit and reach the nearest path. I begin frantically looking for a place to hide. I can''t outrun her, that much is obvious. There are three nearby buildings and quite a few plants decorating the walkway. Which do I run to? My heart pounds out of my chest, I can''t decide which way to go, but I run out of time to think. Another of Jocelyn''s sycophants is as frozen as I am, but she suddenly falls to her face.

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    She cries out and reaches for my ankle as something invisible drags her away by the leg. I don''t see what causes her pleading to abruptly cut off as I am already running. No time to evaluate the best hiding place, I need to hide. I need to get out of here, to get help. I dive into the nearest bushes and begin to crawl. Thorns tear at my dress and skin as I crawl through them but I can''t risk moving openly. That... animal is focused on other victims, this is my chance.

    I have to drag myself through the mud and my face is a raw, bloody rag by the time I make it through all the rose bushes. But I make it and run to duck behind a courtyard wall for another building. I cover my mouth to hold back the sounds of the gasping. My entire body quivers. A sob is clawing its way up my throat, tugging on it and forcing my stomach to convulse, over and over again. I want to vomit. But I can''t risk even the slightest sound. If I do, I''m dead.

    I don''t want to die, I don''t want to die, I don''t want to die... Oh Collector please, don''t let her find me. Don''t let her find me. I''ll do anything. I''ll go to confession, every day, please please please please... Another girl appears to my right. I recognize her as we make brief eye contact. It''s the other girl, the one who helped us lure Eleonor in. She looks like she is about to run to join me but just as she moves, her body raises into the air like a ragdoll. A steel spike erupts from the ground and her flying body is forcefully skewered on it.

    The previously quiet night is filled with different screams and cries for help. But fewer and fewer of them. Every few moments one stops. Sometimes alongside the slopping sounds of steaming meat. The back of my mouth grows hot and I vomit in my mouth. I hold my hand over my lips as bile and half-digested food drips and leaks through my fingers. I force myself to swallow the rest. The other sounds are disappearing and I can''t afford to make any of my own. The final cry is cut short and an oppressive quiet takes over.

    I hear footsteps but I can''t tell if they are approaching or leaving. I choke and cry into my hand, closing my eyes. I just need to wait. I just need to wait a little longer, and it will all be alright. Just a little longer. I take a deep breath through my nose and... realize the footsteps are gone. I wait anyway. I wait, and I wait. Several minutes pass and my involuntary shaking grows so severe that my hand jerks from my mouth for a second and a short, strangled cry escapes my lips. But... nothing happens. Cautiously, I creep to the edge of the wall.

    It''s alright. I survived. She missed me. She missed me. I peek my head around the corner.

    Oh. Her eyes are glowing. It''s impossible to miss from so close.

    <hr>

    Cateline

    My hand flies to my mouth as I watch the steel bar pin Lady Iris'' head to the wall. Fuck fuck fuck. This is way beyond anything I could have predicted. That Lillith is... she''s a monster. She''s the monster, I realize. The cold, calculating way she dispatched so many of my students with zero hesitation told the entire story. No one could kill like that without experience. The second I saw her kill Jocelyn I knew I needed an advantage.

    I ran back to my office as quickly as I could. The dispersal cloak was there. It was my only hope. It was rare, one of a kind, and there was no way Lillith could counter it. But I was too slow. Returning with my secret weapon, I was met with... carnage. Women''s bodies, some in multiple pieces, others unrecognizable, scattered the area. The only two that were missing when I got back were Lillith''s, and fucking Eleonor''s. I don''t know where she went but it doesn''t matter.

    None of that matters anymore. If I don''t kill or capture Lillith now, everything is over. I begin to gather my mana. I hope I can catch her off guard but as Iris dies, Lillith immediately looks directly at me. Sharp pain shoots through my heart as fear like I''ve never known wraps its icy fingers around me. She''s on me in seconds and I can already feel the dispersal cloak doing its work. Mana envelops me but dissipates before it can harm me. I don''t wait for her next attack and I launch my own.

    Lillith somehow tries to crush my mana, but I manage to maintain it. It gives me a headache and my nose and eyes bleed with the effort, but I maintain the spell. How is she so powerful? I can''t even feel her aura. I launch a wave of acid at her but her strange mana parts it in the air. It splashes on the corpses and plants around us, leaving her untouched. Small shards of steel form in a circle around her, then launch at me.

    I ignore them, confident whatever mana she is using to propel them will be dispersed, but I''m mistaken. They cut deep into my flesh and I cry out. Shit, she is creating them, then propelling them somehow. The cloak only disperses active mana. As another wave assaults me, I respond with a shield of vector mana which sends them flying in random directions. Several fly into the surrounding stone, flesh, and soil. A few return to Lillith but they bounce harmlessly off whatever shield she is using.

    She tries to close the distance but I saw her before. I know she has inhuman strength. I flare my vector mana as she swings a fist, and her arm snaps at the elbow as her own strength empowers the shift in direction. She doesn''t even flinch, just letting her arm fly uselessly to the side and slipping past it. Somehow, some kind of mana of hers assaults my vector mana and the direction becomes.... neutral. Her other fist is almost to me when I manage to, just barely, summon a new wall of acid.

    I hope for her to fly directly into it but she unnaturally flips through the air, flying over me. Before she lands she manages to summon a blade which she grabs with her good arm. She swings it at me, and I dive out of the way but its direction suddenly shifts, moving completely differently than the swing of her arm suggests. I use vector mana to painfully push my body away but I''m too slow. I cry out in agony as it cuts cleanly through my arm, leaving me with nothing from the elbow down.

    I clench my teeth through the pain. I can use this. She sees and responds to every spell I cast. She figured out how to counteract vectors far too quickly. I need a trump card she can''t see. Once again I summon acid, spraying it at her in an endless wave. Using this much drains mana, but this is all or nothing. Again it splits and splashes around her, but her shield works too much like a vector spell. It''s probably the same mana she uses to attack it. With this move, my desperation mana empowers me far more than it has the rest of the fight. It gives me power as it always has, when I bet everything on a single gambit.

    I push on her shield, and though I can''t feel it, I can feel where my mana stops. I feel it. I can push through. I am pouring mana into a spell I''m certain she won''t see when a loud crack screams through my ears. The wave of acid erupts in dangerous sparks as some sort of... lightning mana tears through it. Thankfully, this attack is directed by mana as any sparks that don''t travel through the acid to the ground dissipate around my cloak.

    This is my opening, and I scream as bone mana forces rapidly growing bone to create a spear from my still bleeding arm. She can''t see a spell that starts inside my body. No one can. As It tears from my arm, I drop the acid spell and focus all my vector mana on one point, breaking my way through her shield and allowing the bone spear to extend, all the way to her, and directly through her heart.

    She slumps on the weapon, still protruding from my arm and I cry out in pain. But it''s alright. I fucking killed her. I won. Lillith of Endings is dead. I gasp and look around. Blackness is crawling from the edges of my vision. If someone doesn''t stop the bleeding, I''ll die too. Thankfully, this fight made too much noise. The church had refused to replace my missing whisper sphere, but my inability to request backup hadn''t stopped the noise from attracting the magic knights. I was surrounded by allies. I could rest.

    I am about to let the darkness take me when Lillith suddenly jerks awake, forces her own body forward, further impaling herself, and wraps her arms around me. She opens her mouth and a horrifying pair of fangs appear from behind her top row of teeth. They sink into the flesh of my cheek and the black that was flooding my vision swirls with a not entirely opaque red.

 Chapter 64 - An Audience with the King

    Sarafyna

    "We have to go back Sara, we have to help her!" Autumn insists and I grit my teeth.

    "We can''t, Autumn. If I go back and Leo dies, or you go back and die yourself... It will kill her. Faster than anything any noble could do. Help me get Leo out of here, we''ll meet up with her later!" I insist. I insist because I know it''s exactly what Lillith wants, but at the same time, part of me agrees with Autumn. I want to go back and keep her safe but... Leo is dying. I can barely feel any life left in him. We need to get him back to the safe house, then far away from here.

    "Can you even save her without Lily''s help? We need to save Lily first, then we can keep Eleonor alive!" Autumn challenges. In a way, she''s right. My healing is usually a team effort with Lillith. But I can do enough. Enough to keep him alive until she is free.

    "I''ll have to. Autumn, come with me!" I beg as she hesitates, watching Lily tear through the mob that had left her friend in this state.

    "But... We need her to help Eleonor, and if she''s captured... Sara, they''ll kill her. They''ll kill her, Sara, especially after this. If that happens, what do we do next?" Autumn begs and I clench my fists.

    "It''s alright. She was always going to get caught. She thought it would happen long before this, in fact. It was nothing but the King''s cowardice and foolishness that delayed it so long. She made me promise to get you to safety when it does happen," I answer.

    "I can''t just accept that! She''s just going to let them kill her? Why?" Autumn pleads.

    "No! Just... just trust me. I''ll tell you everything once Leo is safe. Please, come with me!" I try again and she clenches her own fists, closing her eyes as tightly as she can before finally answering.

    "Alright. I''ll trust you. But please, tell me Lily will be okay? Tell me she''s not going to die because of what I told her," she asks and I nod.

    "Lillith will be just fine. I promise. She wants to get caught, alright? It''s the only way. So please, come with me," I insist. She sniffs and looks back one final time, but reluctantly gives me a slight nod of assent. As we use the commotion to make our way back to the safe house, we are still spotted several times, but we are less important than the scene we are leaving.

    When we finally pull Leo into the old dorm we''ve been using as a campus safe house, I hope I''m not a liar. Things need to go the way Lillith planned for, or she''s dead. I also have to hope all that extra artwork Lily had done was enough. We put Leo on the soft sofa in the sitting room and I push my divine mana into him. I''ve never done such extensive work without Lillith''s help before, and I can''t help but sweat as I struggle to put the poor boy back together again.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    I am back in Satusmor. The filthy cobblestone road feels like hot coals beneath my feet. The smell of fire lingers in the air and I immediately know why I am here. This isn''t the first time I''ve revisited this night. The pillar of black smoke drawing me forward and the city around me blending like watercolor.

    I always have a heartbeat again, when I have this dream. I don''t know why. Every single time I can feel it, pounding on my chest like it wants to tear its way out. As always, I run through the streets. Fly through the city. Tear the world apart to reach that pillar of smoke, just a little faster. This was my worst night since waking up as Lillith. The smoke flees as it always does. The faster I run to it, the faster the distance grows.

    My mind will never let me get there in time. If I cheat and use magic I didn''t have that night, it cheats as well. The ugly smoke taunts me. It laughs at me, and it chokes me. My mind will never let me get there in time. Because I hadn''t made it the first time. The real time. I had been too late. I had failed.

    It was the third house of penance I had helped. It was nearest a popular brothel and many of its residents were sex workers, but not all. They had been so excited to become mages. So hopeful. But then Captain Horrus found them. He wanted the circle they used for himself, and they refused to show him. They fought him off. By the time he had forced his way in, the circle had been destroyed. The surviving street kids told me he had killed the nearest woman to him, right then and there.

    I don''t know how he figured it out. Maybe it was when they were fighting to keep him out. Maybe he had tried to order someone to come meet him. But somehow, he knew the Mages of Penance couldn''t leave the house. He knew, even with an open door and a powerful reason to flee, they couldn''t. So he didn''t bother barring the doors or blocking the windows. When he set fire to that house of penance, he intentionally left the door open. He left it open so he could watch the panic on the faces of the people who defied him.

    The street kids had tried to help. Many tried too hard. They tried to force their friends out of that open door to safety. But nothing they did could challenge the temple''s mind rape. They didn''t give up. Not in time. Many of them died with their friends, trapped in that fire not by mind control but by desperation and loyalty. Very few survived, by the time I made it. The building was already collapsing in on itself and anyone still inside would be killed by the smoke if not the fire.

    Like every night, I used air mana to kill the fire, but like every other night, no one emerged from the building. Horrus laughed. He spit on the ground and laughed after murdering them. Like every time I visit this memory, I make quick work of his soldiers. Every guard he brought with him dies and I allow none to flee. Like every other night, I pin his arms and legs to the ground, although this time I use cuffs of earth instead of the spikes I''d used in real life.

    I mount his chest and wrap my hands around his throat, just as I had done in reality. When this really happened, the rage was all I was. The rage and fury and grief. I was Sara, chewing that man to death in that church. I was every victim in the ashes of the house of penance. I was every slave this man had created from an invented crime. I had choked him through his whimpers. Just as his pallor began to change, I would ease my grip. Let him breathe a little. Gave him time to gasp, and time to hope.

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    Then I would tighten my grip again. Close off his windpipe again. Let his vision fade, then release. I had killed Captain Horrus slowly and deliberately. I don''t regret this because he didn''t deserve this. He did. I regret this because I didn''t. I kill quickly. Without mercy when it''s necessary, but quickly. I kill to remove the sickness people like Horrus and Cateline represent from the world, not to punish. Killing Horrus this way... left me numb. I spent a long time completely detached from the world, until I entered the Radiant Woods. Until I was used as a weapon against all those people, and until I met Sara.

    Even then I wasn''t back to normal for a long time. I still had this dream. I still killed Horrus slowly. But this time, I had used cuffs. This time, I kill Horrus in an instant. It wouldn''t change the past, but it felt like waking up. And as he dies, I do wake up. I groan and try to pull myself up. I still have work to do. I hadn''t tortured any of those women last night. Not physically. But I could have killed them in groups. I had let each know they were going to die. I had given them time to fear and regret, and I''d done it to punish them.

    Again, they deserved it. But I can tell, they are going to be my new dream. My new numbing agent. Because I am not supposed to kill to punish. I remove hate and danger, I don''t punish... except when I do. I have more to work through. I lean against the hard stone wall and examine my surroundings. I am cuffed in front, with the mana dispersal cuffs Walter had once used on me. Yet again, they fail to stop my gathering mana. I can access most of my pooled mana as well.

    I am in a stone room with a wall of bars separating me from a man with a powerful Aura. My chest throbs, a painful itching begging for my attention. As I look down I see my chest wrapped in bloody bandages. I am also wearing the tattered remains of my pants, which is a pleasant surprise. Considering the treatment of other prisoners I wasn''t expecting to be left any clothes.

    "Those are lovely tattoos, although hardly fitting of a lady like yourself," the man in the room greets as I examine myself. I hold the cuffs in front of the magic circle, although if anyone was going to notice the runes, they already have. "Did you need to get them so extensively? The doctors say you even have some on your tits," he complains and I only respond with a closed mouth, sarcastic smile. It''s a good sign he isn''t asking about my circle. Over the years I have tattooed nearly my entire torso as a way of disguising them. I even had tattoos added between each rune, depicting everything from Earth text to references I had drawn from pop culture.

    A keen eye will likely notice the runes and may discern the circle among them, but if no one versed in the design of such things examines me, this will work in a pinch. I don''t expect to be here long in any case. Of course, it''s possible he already knows about it, but I might as well obscure it until I know for sure. This man''s aura bends space in the same way as Godfrey''s and there is no mistaking who it is. "Is there something I can do for you, Your Majesty? Aside from discussing my tits, I mean. I have heard that''s one of the few topics you understand, but part of me always hoped it was an exaggeration."

    The King''s smile sours in an instant. "You will watch your tongue you ungrateful whore!" He snarls and I roll my eyes, then hold up my bound wrists.

    "Or what, you''ll have me arrested? Executed? How exactly do you plan to make the consequences of being mean to you sound scarier than the same for murdering all of your friends? No wonder this took so fucking long," I mock and he gives me a smirk.

    "You are right. I am going to have you executed. Tomorrow afternoon, in front of the entire city. But that gives us all night. I have put many women in their place with a single night," he threatens and I laugh at him.

    "You''re not going to do that," I chuckle, "You''re not going to do that, because you have heard the rumors. The monster who can kill with a single touch, that''s me. You may not believe it. You may think it''s just the commoners spreading nonsense. But... you also spent three years wasting your knights and guards protecting yourself and your friends instead of looking for me. Because even with all your power, all your mana, and authority, you are a coward." I lean forward, not far enough to reach the bars but enough to indicate an offer. "So go ahead. Touch me. Find out if it''s true, I dare you."

    His smirk twists at my taunts. "I can leave you locked in here all night with a dozen knights. See how proud you are in the morning. We''ll see how true those rumors are then, won''t we?"

    "You are welcome to leave them locked in here with me," I offer, "But I hear you''ve had something of a high... turnover rate these last few years. Are you sure you can spare the manpower?"

    "Where are the slaves," he demands instead of answering my joke. "How are you moving around the city so quickly? How exactly are you killing with a touch? How did my brother make you so powerful so quickly?" I give him a blank stare.

    "You are really good at this. You should quit your day job and run interrogations instead," I answer.

    "You''re right. I''m not so good at this, am I? But, maybe you missed this, I have a lot of friends. We''ll get the information out of you," He answers before clapping his hands. A moment later, I hear a steel door slam shut and a wiry man with a sack on his head appears, a belt full of unique knives and bottles around his waist. Again the King grins, and again I roll my eyes.

    "Better hope your friend is quick. Pro tip. When torturing someone, don''t tell them they have a public execution scheduled for the next day. Having an end in sight really ruins the effect," I advise. His face falls.

    "I''m the king, you stupid bitch. I can schedule your execution for whenever I want," he contests.

    "No, you really can''t. You are barely the king. Your negligence has left your entire court whispering about putting someone else in charge. You need to kill me. You need to do it publicly, and you need to do it quickly. You have to prove you are the king in front of all of them, especially since so many of the supporters you have left lost their daughters last night. But by all means, delay it. It''ll make my job all that much easier," I taunt.

    "You underestimate me. Godfrey has inflated your ego beyond sustainability. And, you idiot, you''ve all but admitted you did this to make Godfrey King, which means even if a day of torture isn''t enough, Godfrey will have the answers your corpse fails to provide. Perhaps I''m not so bad at this after all," he smiles. I narrow my eyes at him and, while still feeling victorious, he stands and moves to leave. "Make sure she suffers," he orders. Just before rounding the corner the wiry man came from, he stops.

    "They are calling you the Mage of Mourning, you know. The name started spreading just last night. Some say it''s because of the carnage you leave in your wake but my sources tell me you have actually aspected grief. You empower yourself by crying. How like a woman," he laughs before leaving.

    The man he left behind opens the door to my cell and enters. He pulls a long, serrated steel blade from his belt and his raspy voice breaks the new silence. "You may want to tell me what the king wants to know," he advises, "I promise you it will be easier. You won''t be killing me with a touch, I can promise you that. Where have you been hiding the slaves?" He presses the blade to my cheek, gently enough it only draws a single drop of blood. That''s all I need.

    I course electricity mana through my body and it crackles through my veins like a furious river. It materializes as electricity at the point of contact and flows through the blade and into the man. His entire body tenses up as I electrocute him. I roll my eyes lazily to him as he fails to pull the knife away. A moment later, I release the spell and he collapses to the floor.

    As the corpse of my torturer soils itself, I lean against the wall and wait for my next visitor.

 Chapter 65 - We Are Not Afraid of Ruins

    I hear the door swing closed again and open my eyes, raising my head to greet the new visitor. There had been a few attempts to extract knowledge from me. While the king had grown terrified at the death of his subordinate and failed to send another, the temple was far more stubborn. I didn''t have the opportunity to kill every divine priest who visited me, but a few got close enough to the bars I could dispose of them without revealing my access to mana despite the shackles. The rumors about my deadly touch certainly didn''t hurt in that regard.

    It is the bodies of my two most recent interrogators that Godfrey examines with clear bemusement before stepping over them and taking what had been the King''s seat and focusing his attention on me. "So. The Mage of Mourning, huh?" he asks. "You''ve caused quite the trouble for me, Lillith."

    "You know me," I intone, "I can get a bit persnickety." He chuckles before pulling out a wineskin and taking a deep drink.

    "Persnickety indeed. You know my brother is out for my head as much as yours? He has a rope fitted for the both of us. You made a mess like I''ve never seen last night alone," he complains.

    "Got any to spare?" I ask instead of responding and he scoffs, then pulls out a second wineskin and tosses it through the bars. I pick it up with my bound hands and begin inspecting it with mana, just in case. Satisfied there is no poison, I take a swig to numb the pain in my chest. "So he wants you dead because of me. Yet, here you are, sitting on the other side of the bars, visiting me as a free man. You don''t seem nearly as worried as your words imply," I observe and he laughs.

    "You are one to talk. A bath and a new dress and no one would know you were awaiting execution. Got something left up your sleeve?" he probes and I shrug.

    "I can''t help being hot. It''s a curse. Really, I''m downright catatonic," I dismiss before taking another drink.

    "I can see that. Barely holding it together, even now. Nevertheless, just in case you do have some trick to get out of this, I want to warn you. Things may not go as you are hoping. Because you are right. Here I am, a free man. The king can''t arrest me because I have far more support than he does, thanks to you. That''s a little shakier now, considering my public connection to the killer I was ''protecting'' people from, but it''s not gone," he explains and I rest my good forearm on my thigh and raise an eyebrow.

    "That''s odd, I don''t remember you doing much of anything to protect anyone from me," I retort and he shrugs.

    "I knew who you would be after. It was easy enough to create the illusion," he answers. So, he''s known it was me all along.

    "What was it that clued you in? Because of Baldwin? Or was it the story about being attacked on the road? I should''ve known. How was I supposed to know this country didn''t follow any rules that make sense?" I groan and he scoffs before taking another drink.

    "It doesn''t matter. What matters is, I''m as good as king. My brother intends to regain favor using you. Killing you in front of the angry rabble and tying your name to mine. But it won''t be enough. He was too apathetic for too long. It won''t work, but it will... make things a bit more difficult," he says.

    "So," I respond, "what exactly do you want from me? I''m afraid I don''t do political endorsements. I have an image to maintain after all." He laughs again and takes another swig.

    "Nothing so crass. I want to maintain the relationship we have always had. A danish, a quip, and a deal. It''s worked for us before, no reason it can''t work now," he offers. I take another drink and maintain eye contact, inviting him to continue. "I can get you out of here, Lillith. I don''t know what you have planned but... you don''t stand a chance against my brother. Father Medici either. You are dead if you make it to the gallows tomorrow morning. I can get you out of here. Keep you alive. It''ll even undermine the King''s attempts to regain favor."

    "In exchange for?" I press and he leans forward.

    "You are right in a lot of ways. Potestia needs change. Magic needs to be shared. There is no reason to rely on slave labor when mages could move us forward like never before. We have been fools for thousands of years to ignore that fact. I can make that world happen, Lillith. As king I can build a country without slaves," he answers. I don''t answer and after a long silence, he continues. "But a country needs people, Lillith. And progress needs a lot of people. I need to know where they are. The slaves. The professors. Everyone you have squirreled away. I need their help to build a better world, and if you''re dead, well, you certainly won''t be doing it."

    I take a deep drink of the wine before I answer. "What if they don''t want to build something new with you? What if they don''t want to come back?" I ask and his jaw sets.

    "Lillith. You must know that what you are doing... there is no future in it. You are destroying what stands, and I understand why, but you have to build something in its place, or that''s all you are doing. Destroying. All you have done is crush the pillars of the country and watch it fall. That''s going to make lives worse, not better. Please. Tell me where I can find them, and I can do what you are failing to. I can look forward."

    I respond with a humorless laugh. "It''s funny, how that always works. How people with comfortable homes and money and security respond to the threat of losing it all. You don''t have a chain around your neck, Godfrey. It''s all too easy to say ''You are doing more harm than good'' while all you are picturing is your own comforts disappearing. But what have I been doing that threatens everything so much? Freeing slaves. Giving women a place to flee from abusive marriages. Do you see the problem? The inherent complaint hidden behind the demands for a replacement system before dismantling the old one?" I demand and his face hardens, but I don''t give him a chance to answer.

    "It''s easy to say to me, from your seat on the other side of those bars," I continue. "But what you are saying isn''t as benevolent as it sounds. I believe you believe it is. But under the thin layer of empathy is the ugly truth. You are looking in the face of the battered and bruised. The beaten-down man whose blood supports this country. You are staring them in the eye and saying, ''Hang in there. Keep suffering. Keep bleeding for me. You''ll be free from all of this... as soon as I find a way to stay comfortable while I do it.'' No. That''s bullshit. Any plan you have that requires people to continue suffering under slavery when you could free them is no plan at all. It''s just self-congratulations."

    Stolen novel; please report.

    Godfrey lets a deep breath out of his nose. "Pretty words. Very eloquent, Lillith. But that''s all they are. The world is what it is, and you can''t make changes while ignoring reality. The reality is, we need something in place or people die. People suffer. And it will be your fault when that happens. Your high fucking horse isn''t going to make anyone''s life better. Not the slaves, not anyone''s. If you want them to have a better life, tell me where they are. I can offer them real change, not a brief breath of fading freedom," he challenges.

    "You''re wrong," I answer. "I am building something new. No, that''s wrong too. We are building something new. Something better. And no one had to keep supporting the weight of the bloated wealthy class to get there. No one needed to wait with a boot on their neck. It''s not a world you could ever imagine. Sometimes it''s closer, sometimes it''s not. But it''s better. It''s just a world with no kings. Not you, not this rebel leader, and not your brother. The world you know is going to burn, Godfrey. It''s going to be terrifying, and a lot of people used to the comforts of the old world will suffer, but just from withdrawal. They will suffer from losing luxuries and familiarity. This country is going to fall. But, if you don''t mind a few stolen words, we are not afraid of ruins. We carry a better world in our hearts."

    "Lillith. That''s not happening. Tomorrow, without my help, you are going to die, and all your friends are going to lose their leader. Because you are stubborn. Because you are arrogant. Because you are so certain your fantasies can be real, you were willing to start a fire you could never douse on your own. But I can. I can give them all a better life. They won''t be slaves when I find them. They will be the first commoner mages. The bedrock of a stronger kingdom than the world has ever seen. All you have to do is let go of your pride and trust me. I can offer you a world we can both be proud of!" he begs and I scoff.

    "Leader? They have no leader. They don''t need me. An organizer? Maybe. Someone to help provide direction in crisis? Perhaps. But that''s not what you mean when you say ''leader''. I''m not anyone''s leader, not the kind with a crown on their heads and threats sliding off their tongues like sugar. I''m a spear. Yeah, it''ll be harder without me, but they''ll be fine. Everything I know is recorded; they''ll find a new spear, and they don''t need a ''leader''," I retort.

    "Everyone needs a leader, Lillith. People will always be people, and people naturally need someone to lead them. If you think the people you ''saved'' don''t consider you their leader, you are kidding yourself. A snake without a head is just a shuddering body. It''s the way of the world. Neither of us can change that," he responds. I roll my eyes.

    "Do you know what an ''Alpha Wolf'' is?" I ask and his face tightens in confusion. "I didn''t think you would. I haven''t been able to find a single reference to the idea here. The phrase comes from... a place where people used to capture wolves and study their behavior. They noticed one wolf would often take a position of authority of sorts. They would have bloody fights for leadership. One wolf, the alpha, would become the natural leader of a pack through strength and teeth. The observation reached public knowledge, and everyone believed that''s simply how wolves worked. They were often used as a metaphor for leadership. Insecure men even started claiming the name for themselves."

    Godfrey looks perplexed as he scoffs, "That just proves my point Lillith." I shake my head.

    "You''d think, but that''s the thing. They were wrong. The wolves they studied only behaved that way in captivity. Later, when they began to observe the wolves in the wild, they didn''t fight for pack leadership. The ''alpha'' wolf was a myth. They worked more like families. It was captivity, an ironically unnatural state for them, that presented the ''alpha'' as a concept. So yes. You can observe people in captivity. You can corral them and put a collar on them and say ''This is natural'' while forcing them to their knees. Maybe ten years later, maybe a thousand, and you can have them saying it too. ''This is natural.'' But it''s not. It''s just a false observation from keeping us captive. That''s why you need me to tell you where they are. Because they don''t need a leader, and that''s exactly what you are afraid of," I finish. It''s Godfrey''s turn to roll his eyes.

    "More pretty words. More speeches that can be boiled down to ''I''m right, and I won''t see reason.'' We aren''t wolves, Lillith. We are people. We have complex minds and emotions. We all have different visions of the world, and we''ll trample over each other without direction. Someone has to provide direction. The best we can hope for is a kind direction provided by someone who cares. I am asking you to give me an opportunity to provide that. You want a better world? Well one of us is the leader that''s going to bring us there, whether you admit it or not. And honestly, Lillith, a leader with no direction isn''t going to cut it," he challenges.

    "You underestimate people, Godfrey. Someday, you''ll see a world without a king. A world where people are people, not dogs. But I can''t tell you where they are, don''t you see that? Because you believe people must have a leader. You believe it is natural. But for people to have natural leaders, some people have to naturally belong in leadership roles and others must naturally belong as their lessers. The whole theory is how we get ''nobles'' standing on the backs of commoners. Men on the throats of women.

    "I''ve heard hundreds of versions of ''some people are superior to others'' and they are all shit. They all lead to the same place, even when started with good intentions. ''People naturally need leaders'' always, always means ''some people are naturally inferior''. I''m sorry, Godfrey. I like you. I like you as much as I can, for someone in your position. But I can''t trust you," I say. The air is heavy with silence as Godfrey examines me.

    "So, even until the end, that''s your answer? Lillith, you are mad. But it''s a madness I understand. You are wrong. You are equating two things that just aren''t the same. More than anything, you are a leader. And if you won''t let me help them, well, I understand they need someone. That''s why, even though you are so stubborn and can''t see the forest through the trees, I''ll still help you. I checked your home but your family is already gone, as are your friends," he answers and I feel a small spike of grief enhancing my mana. He stands and unlocks the cell, swinging the door open. "No one will stop you if you flee now. You can make it out of here and live to fight another day. In exchange... think about what I said. I want to heal the world, just like you do."

    He walks toward the hall to leave, then pauses. "I like you too, Lillith. You were never my apprentice, I can see that now. But you have been a friend, of a sort." I listen as he walks down the halls and the steel door fails to close behind him.

    I push myself to my feet, using force mana where my broken arm and shackles prevent my arms from supporting me. I shamble over to the cell door and push it shut, allowing it to lock in place. I then return to my stone seat and take another drink of wine.

 Chapter 66 - Lillith Must Hang

    Galen

    It''s a cold morning. Far colder than any I would usually venture into, but I refuse to miss this. I can''t miss this. I owe it to my daughter. I owe it to Liora. She was a good girl. A sweet, innocent girl. She was almost done with school. I''d arranged for a better marriage than she could have hoped for on her own and with her figure. All she needed to do was improve a few grades. But she never got the chance.

    They wouldn''t let most parents see the bodies. Many of my friends protest this furiously but... I know better. I was one of the first knights at the scene when that... monster slaughtered them. I see them, all of them, every time I close my eyes. Liora was one of the... easiest to look at, Collector forgive me. She was impaled. Her head, hanging backward and staring in horror... it follows me everywhere I go. If some of the other fathers saw their girls... what this fucking ''Mage of Mourning'' did to them... Well, they should be glad they are being denied.

    This morning''s cold feels appropriate. It bites my skin and even the breeze howls, but it''s only proper. Because this morning, they are executing Lillith of Endings. Duke Godfrey''s little pet. The square around the gallows bursts at the seams with nobles, eager to see the death of the Mage of Mourning. Not just fathers like myself, either. The little bitch has been hunting us for sport for years now. Killing us in our own homes. Stealing our property and leaving our bodies to rot.

    I had requested the honor of pulling the lever myself. Removing the floor from beneath her feet and listening to the snap of her neck as it''s broken by the rope. But, I hadn''t been the only one to request it. It was apparently a popular fantasy, being the one to take her life. I had lost to a far more important noble. Lord Urian of Cavendish. Lady Jocelyn''s father. He has as much right as I do, considering the unrecognizable state Jocelyn''s body had been found in. They''d only identified her by the aspects in her blood and by her dress.

    Still, I grit my teeth. He may have as much right as I do, but I still lament that I wasn''t chosen. But, it doesn''t matter. What matters is, in less time than it will take me to walk home, Lillith will hang. My wife sniffles beside me, unable to face the murderer with the dignity our daughter deserves and I scowl. I dig my nails into my palms as I wait. King Donatello marches onto the platform first, followed by Father Medici of the temple. The old wood creaks beneath their feet and the silent anticipation of the crowd ensures it is heard.

    "Lords and Ladies," the king announces, his voice projected by an enchanted lapel, "For too long have you been forced to live in fear. Unable to safely sleep in your own beds and denied the labor to manage your properties. Many have said a monster stalked the streets of our beautiful city, with fangs, tentacles, and the strength of ten men. Some have, unjustly, blamed my dear friend, Father Medici for the beast''s continued existence. Others have doubted me and my use of the Magic Knights during this crisis.

    "But there was no beast. No monster. There was no sick thing that escaped the Collector''s control. Only a girl, elevated beyond her station by a foolish old man. Nothing to fear, not really. A commoner child and first-generation mage. What tricks she used to dispose of the powerful nobles, I''ll never know. Perhaps she used tools provided by my senile brother. Perhaps he helped her all along. This is being investigated, and indeed it has been uncovered he helped her kill the lord of Satusmor before bringing her here. If he is guilty of such crimes, the Collector''s judgment will find him, as it is finding his apprentice this morning," the king pauses for effect and I have to cover a scoff.

    It feels like the entire world is shaking with my rage. Duke Godfrey''s apprentice may be the murderer, but no one is fooled. The king hid. The knights know it better than anyone. He hoped to let this killer eliminate his detractors while he protected his allies. The man is as responsible as his brother. As I scowl, the king continues.

    "Yes," he cries as if he feels wounded, "Many thought of me as a fool. A coward. But I have been neither. For the foul deeds have been ended. The killer herself, Lillith of Endings is here today!" At that, he waves his arm to the left directing our attention to the steps on the right of the platform. Climbing up the stairs is the woman in question. She has filthy, bloody bandages binding her wounded chest and torn, spattered pants. A hood covers her head and she is surrounded by a half dozen knights, each holding their sword to her. She is being pulled by a chain shackled to her neck and her hands are in manacles behind her. The earth seems to tremble again as everyone recoils at the disgusting tattoos painting the killer''s nearly bare torso.

    "Don''t worry," the king laughs at the growing disquiet. "She is thoroughly restrained with mana dispersal chains. My doctors have also examined her pathetic endoaspect and a circle has been devised to prevent her from casting anything powerful. If somehow that fails, I will kill her myself. Lillith of Endings dies today," he cries and for the first time, the audience reacts. The world shakes with the cries for justice.

    "Lillith must hang!" I call, adding my voice to the cacophony of demands for her blood. She is marched to the center of the gallows. A hesitant knight removes the steel restraint from her neck and pulls off her hood. Greasy black hair falls over one eye and a long scar mars the other. Her ruby eyes fix on the knight as he slides the noose over her head. She bites at him, not in earnest but in an almost playful way. As the man startles and jumps back, the bitch smiles. She fucking smiles. That rumbling returns and I fix her with one of hundreds of cold stares. "Lillith must hang," I repeat through gritted teeth.

    "Lillith of Endings, Mage of Mourning. You are charged with mass murder, treason, and theft of national assets. For this I, King of Potestia and chosen of the Collector, sentence you to death. If you have any final words, speak them now," the king commands. No. The bitch doesn''t deserve to say her piece. Pull the fucking lever, and let her swing.

    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

    "Hang her!" I protest and dozens of voices join mine, "Lillith must hang!" The stones beneath us groan at the injustice, but we are ignored. Her words are quiet. So quiet, none of us should be able to hear them. Our own cries should drown them out, but each whisper tickles our ears, clearly parsable among the shouts all around us. I see no mana from her, and the contradiction sends a chill through my bones.

    "You leave your labor to slaves. Your grand mansions, your fields, and your meals. You use forced labor for all of it. Tending to your extravagant gardens and disposing of your shit. I wouldn''t be surprised if you forced slaves to wipe your asses for you, I already know you use them to tend to your cocks. You claw your way to comfort through their efforts and rely on them so much... you have no idea what to do with yourselves without them. You have fucking magic for Christ''s sake. This should not be that hard. Still, you lean on forced labor instead," she says and my eyes bulge.

    "Please, dear Mage of Mewling, beg us all for forgiveness!" The king says and my head snaps to him in shock. Then I realize the problem. Lillith''s mouth isn''t moving. She is glaring at all of us, but her lips are shut. Somehow, despite the shackles, she is speaking to us with mana. Mana we can''t see. And the king can''t hear it.

    "You leave teaching to women, of course. Teaching, cleaning, and even healing. Any kind of service you don''t trust slaves with. All of the education in your fucking kingdom is handled by women. Most of your medicine is as well. Then you take them home and tell them you own them too. You deny them their own names; you beat them. You treat them like objects to be used. A prized horse for breeding. All while saddling them with the burden of some of the most important bedrocks of your society. Because, well, they are positions of caretaking, and that''s what women do," the whispers lecture while their owner''s eyes cut through the crowd like knives.

    "HANG HER!" I demand with the rest of the crowd. "PULL THE FUCKING LEVER!" The world shakes. It''s not my rage, the earth is literally rumbling; it''s become unmistakable.

    "Now that you have fewer slaves to remind you how to breathe. They pull your damn britches up and pick your fucking nose on your behalf... now that all your whipping boys have gone missing, you look for more. You charge your citizens more to live than you allow them to make with labor, then you arrest them if they can''t pay. You walk through the common and poor parts of your cities and you pick out your new toys like candies in a glass display," she snarls in our ears while her lips remain tightly sealed.

    "This is your last chance, Lillith of Endings. You are very close to exemplifying your family name. Speak now, or leave for the third plane in silence," The king orders. I want to climb to the platform and pull the lever myself. Lillith. Must. Hang. But I stumble into the man next to me, the shaking of the earth is growing more persistent.

    "A boy tries to play by your rules. He goes to your school. Uses your stuck-up titles. Learns your bullshit history. But he wants to feel comfortable in his own skin. Just in a small way. So he dresses the part. He cuts his hair. Nothing serious. He just lives his life in a way that makes sense to him, all while following all your other bullshit rules. All while letting you hate him. Letting you spit on him and beat him, refusing to so much as ask for help. And what do you do? You try to kill him for his crimes. No, you send your daughters to kill him for his crimes. Then you try to hang me for stopping them," she growls, vitriol scratching at our ears.

    I don''t care anymore. Lillith must hang. The earth has started to shake with violence. I am pushing my way through the crowd when he finally begins to give the order. They speak at the same time. "Well, if you have no final words, then die in peace," he quickly orders, nodding to Lord Urian. Urian tries to pull the lever, but it won''t budge. Again, there is no mana around it, but it pushes back against him. Meanwhile, the whispers continue.

    "You have balanced this whole country on the backs of commoners, slaves, women. Everyone you deemed your lessers. But now they aren''t yours anymore. Your whips have lost their sting. Your claws have grown dull and your cages have broken. Your priests have lost control of the people and everything you count on to stay comfortable is sliding from beneath your feet. Every weapon you use to control us will be turned against you. Every sharp word and indignity you thought gave you power will be the source of your nightmares. The leash you have led us on? We are going to strangle you with it," at this she gives the king a toothy grin.

    "Your Majesty, I''d like to speak my final words now," she says as several knights join Lord Urian and all of them start using mana to push on the unyielding lever. Father Medici cries out orders and priests start to climb onto the stage. The world is crying out that Lillith must hang! Members of the crowd are falling as the city shakes in rage. The Collector''s wrath has gripped this square and it trembles beneath him, can''t they feel it up there? Just manually unlatch the damn door you fools! Lillith must hang!

    The king looks at the filth and sneers. "Fine. Say your words. Then you are dying whether that lever moves or not," he orders.

    Her grin widens before she speaks. "Fucking eat me, you worthless creep," she cackles, then everything changes. Her arms appear in front of her as her manacles clatter to the wood beneath her feet. My face pales and the king''s mirrors it. Then the ground erupts. Earth, stone, and splinters from the gallows fly into the air and I fall. I can''t make out what''s happening, I have to claw my way through the struggling crowd just to regain my feet. When I do, my eyes widen even further.

    A massive tree stands where the back half of the gallows once did. It splits the sky, surpassing the city walls in height. Its width cracks the stone buildings on either side of the wood platform. Had it appeared a hundred paces closer we would all be dead but... Its trunk stands mere inches from the killer''s back. Like it was aimed. By the time I regain focus, Lillith is one of two people still standing, as if she expected it, and used mana to keep her position. The gallows is in ruins and everyone else who had been standing on it before is struggling to dig their way through the rubble.

    My daughter''s killer has one hand wrapped around the king''s forearm. Another woman stands next to her, her grimacing face a battleground of burns and boils like I have never seen. Her arm is extended into... long ropes that wrap around Father Medici. Her other hand is clasped tightly with Lillith''s and together they touch the trunk of the tree and... vanish.

    The killer. The monster. The king. The father. All of them are gone.

 Chapter 67 - Rest in Piss

    Lillith

    I stand in the Radiant Woods again, Sara''s hand clasped tightly against mine. The massive tree she grew in the middle of the city stands here as well, but our surroundings have changed. I have been through this thousands of times now, traveling between hundreds of safe houses across Potestia. Typically, we don''t linger for more than a breath. It''s too dangerous, especially when we are moving groups of people. A blink and Sara will move us from one entrance to the other. Before the woods can sink its divine teeth into their minds.

    This time is different, however. This time, we brought prey. The king scrambles away from me while Sarafyna drops Father Medici. I had wanted to kill them right away when we got here, but Sara''s divine magic pulsing into me takes all my attention. She wants to heal me before we fight. A quick kill may have been easier, but it was also riskier. My heart may not be pumping but blood still runs through it. The wound is a distraction. Fortunately, with a few extra years of mana under my belt, I have even more to enhance. My mana is like a sun preparing to burst.

    Sara is more powerful as well when she is here. Her control over the space around us is one thing but the Radiant Woods also seem to respond to her like an extension of her body. Their power enforces hers. So, as we work together to heal my wounds, the broken arm she is holding snaps back into place, and the bones stitch together. It''s a strange feeling, healing this quickly. Almost like cracking my knuckles while they are submerged in mud. The thick yet sharp feeling reverberates through my body and my chest itches as the festering wound knits itself together.

    All in all, the healing process takes no longer than it had for Baldwin, and I am in fighting shape before our opponents can even process the sequence of events that led them here. Truth be told I wouldn''t mind some boots or a clean pair of underwear, but I can kill a king while barefoot. I''ll send this creep off in a way to make John McClane proud. The two men carry their own tension, with the king''s eyes bugging out and Medici scowling. Medici is the first to speak.

    "Do you really think you can beat me here? Of all places? You brought the highest priest of the Collector to the Radiant Woods and you think you stand a chance? You are fools," he chides. Donatello''s eyes bulge when he hears where we are and I give him a sweet, innocent smile.

    "You think we brought you here?" Sara responds. "You think this is a place I chose? You have a shorter memory than I do. You picked this hell for us when I was a child. A fourteen-year-old girl. You sent me here for defying you. You already tried to use it against me. Do you think I''m afraid of it now?" She responds coldly and Medici''s eyes widen. They flick to her long Auburn hair and I see a spark of recognition.

    "Demon..." he whispers and I scoff. Donatello can''t handle being ignored any longer at this point and finally joins the conversation.

    "You arrogant little bitch." He sneers, his hands literally trembling with fury. "You think you can bring me, the Collector damned king here? Do you think you can actually trap me? Fight me? Snuffing the light out of your eyes will be as easy here as it would have been on the gallows."

    It''s finally my turn. "I don''t mean to diminish your threat or anything, it was very menacing, really," I retort, "but I thought it should be mentioned, you didn''t actually have that great of a go of it on the gallows." His face turns bright red and he flares his nostrils at me.

    "Your tongue won''t save you here. It''s high time someone showed you what gives kings the right to rule," he snaps, then releases his aura in full. It''s oppressive. For a moment, I feel like Atlas with the entire world pressing down on me. The fatigue of an unbearably hot day tries to pull me down and force me to kneel in front of this man. I refuse. Instead, I simply hold two fingers up to my lips in a ''v'' and waggle my tongue through it for a moment. The obscene gesture may be lost on the king, but his expression makes it clear the inherent disrespect is not. Then I release my own aura.

    Here in the Radiant Woods where thousands of years of grief saturates every blade of grass and hovers in the air like fog, my aura is a tempest. Instead of the all-encompassing pressure the king exerted, my mana lashes out in rage, crashing into him like hail and fire. He may not be able to perceive it with sight, but the impact of pure mana against his flesh has a clear and immediate effect. It envelops his aura and his threat all at once.

    I feel the itch of either the woods or Medici trying to worm their way into my mind, but I have nothing to worry about. Medici never stood a chance. Even if his abilities worked on Sara and me, he would need to keep them up constantly to prevent the power of the woods from washing his control away. The king and the priest act at the exact same time.

    I have to jump away from Sara as wood mana from the priest causes thick branches to erupt and bind her. At the same time, some unidentifiable mana fills the air with gas that burns my eyes and throat. The king responds in his own unique way, and one I should have expected the moment he met an opponent he couldn''t overpower in an instant. He does what he has been doing in response to everything else I have done for years. He turns on his heel and runs. I roll my eyes and Sara solves both problems for us. The scenery changes in an instant. The thick trees and jungle-like environment gives way to a field of spider lilies.

    The king is still looking behind him as he runs, unable to adapt to everyone''s new position as I stand in front of him and swing my fist. I make contact easily and hear a crunch as his skull collapses from the impact. He flies through the clearing and Sara, her tentacles again pulling Medici, intercepts his body with the priest''s. I am almost shocked at how easy the fight was when both bodies begin to rapidly heal. I had expected as much with Medici but fucking Don? As the sky begins to storm I realize my mistake. Just as the church keeps the king in power, the woods must want him alive. He is being healed by the environment.

    Sara shifts us again to get away from the assault from the sky. We are now standing on a river bed with two lines of trees on either side of us. Well, three of us are. Sara''s clothes are in a pile near the father, who is now looking frantically around. He tries to fill the air with poison again but it''s too easy for me to filter with air mana. I don''t worry about him. If Sara is missing, she is already on it. Instead, I focus on the terrified king. He is forming a powerful spell with a copper tint to the mana. I haven''t seen it before but it looks familiar.

    Outside the woods, it would have crushed me. Left me as a grease stain on the stones of the city. Here, as I realize what he is doing, I laugh. Pressure bears down on me like I am being pulled to the earth. That''s why it was familiar, his mana is similar to my own. Gravity mana tries to grind me into the dirt like an insect, but it''s easily countered. I intercept it with force mana before its pressure can increase and, while the plants in the area are flattened in a circle, I and the area around me are untouched.

    Medici, however, isn''t so lucky. For two men supposedly responsible for holding a country together, the two do not cooperate well. Medici''s bones crack and heal repeatedly under the pressure of the King''s spell, and it''s not long before divine magic ends the attack on me before I have to lift a finger. I take advantage of the brief pause, however, and lightning flies from my fingers. The scream of the thunder echoes through the woods as the king''s flesh pops and fries at the point of contact. He is thrown from his feet and I turn to threaten Medici with a bolt of his own.

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    Predicting this, he throws up a wall of wood, more as concealment than cover. I grin. Funny how easy it is to forget a missing opponent. He appears on one side of the wall with a new spell prepped, its aspect unfamiliar to me. It fails to form as he immediately begins to scream as the ground starts to swallow him. Or rather, Sara does. She is currently closer to the form she had taken when I met her, and Medici''s leg is currently dissolving in her gelatinous flesh.

    I don''t have time to admire the trap, as Donatello heals from my earlier attack and fire tries to devour me where I stand. I roll my eyes as I suffocate it with air mana before it can touch me. "Why is it always fire?" I ask out loud as I send lightning through the flames and strike the king a second time. I allow Sara to handle my back as I send another, and another, and another. The king screams as he heals, but he heals nonetheless. Looks like we are going to need to take a... French approach to this. I am forming a steel great axe with mana when howling from all directions distracts me. Looking around, I see we are surrounded by residents of the woods again.

    The Radiant Woods have been keeping them away from us ever since I managed to help heal Sara, but it seems to be growing desperate. It''s no matter. As I expect, I find myself in an entirely different part of the woods, this time surrounded by a curious mix of palm trees and cacti. Medici has stopped screaming and a quick glance reveals a branch from a palm tree wrapping itself around his waist and pulling him up. His legs are bloody stumps, dripping onto the flesh that is Sarafyna. The king is trying to run again, but I still take a moment to crush the tree with force mana, forcing the father face-first into the acidic skin below.

    At the same time, I grab the king with my force mana and yank. He flies toward me, crying in outrage. This is one indignity too many, apparently. I see the moment when he decides fleeing won''t work and directs all his prodigious mana at me at once. Compared to his previous attacks, simple distractions, this is far more dangerous. Or rather, this is the first time an attack has been dangerous. No pathetic flamethrower or gravity hammer this time. This time he uses wind, stone, and steel together. He has quite a few aspects for a resident of this world. I have to fly for the first time as a massive tornado descends on the woods. Razor sharp stones fly through the air at breakneck speeds and I can''t avoid them all, not while fighting the force of the wind coming from unpredictable directions.

    I briefly reflect that I''m glad Medici is a far weaker mage than the king while considering the best counter for this. Then, I see the mana. It''s hard to spot among all the wind, but the king is trying to fly into the sky. It must be difficult with pure wind mana, but I suppose he can''t be incompetent with everything. "SHIFT!" I cry out and a second later we are all in a new area, full of tall redwoods and pine trees. The dangerous whirlwind is missing and the king is struggling to maintain his direction as he ascends. This is how I escaped Sara in the past so I don''t want to let him get too far. I summon more lightning and it tears from the ground to the clouds above, passing through him as it does.

    He falters and falls, but begins healing quickly. A massive amount of gravity mana precedes him, heading directly for Sara and Medici. It is far more powerful than the first one he used on me, enough to kill anything below it in an instant. Now that he is committed to ending the fight without escape, he isn''t holding back. He has directed everything to offense. I throw force mana to protect Sara and it intercepts his attack just in time. But he is powerful. Powerful enough that, even in my boosted state, I have to struggle to hold it back. Then, he shifts his attack at the last moment. I can physically feel the release of his spell as my force mana shoots up, harmlessly into the sky.

    He conjures a massive stone platform above me, plated with steel spikes on the bottom. Medici, finally free from Sara and half-healed from his struggle, tries to bind me in place with his vines again. This is much slower than before as Sara has taken much of his mana for herself. As I look between him and the rapidly descending death from above, I shrug and pull him toward me with force. He screams and the stone stops in place above us. "Thanks, sport," I greet as he makes it to my side. I think he is scowling but he is so badly burned it''s impossible to tell. In any case, he stopped the king''s desperate attack

    As the stone starts moving again, I realize where Sara is. She left Medici to help me. I remember how she flew from tree to tree while pursuing me, and the screaming descending from the sky tells me she has done it again. We shift again and the stone in the sky is gone. We are in an open field of thorns and I spot Sara and the king flying directly to the ground. He had very little control while flying and her added weight in addition to the pain of her touch has sent them both downward. I don''t waste any time. I force Medici to the ground and stomp on his skull crushing it in a moment, then send Force Mana to catch my friend.

    The king collides with the forest floor and I pin him down with steel spikes and smother him with my mana before he can heal from the impact. The world shifts again and we are back at the river bed, my victim still pinned down. The king is trying to push back and it''s close to working, but I am far more powerful. Sara is reforming into her human form, actually inside her previously discarded clothes which is impressive. It takes nearly all my mana to keep Donatello from casting, but I have a little to spare. I begin conjuring my axe again, this time uninterrupted.

    I pant as the handle forms in one hand and Donatello''s eyes widen in panic. "W-wait, I can make you queen! You can rule everything, even me if you want to! I- I''ll do anything, just stop!" he begs. I take a deep breath as the axe finishes.

    When I respond, I do so in English. Partially to maintain the poetry of my words, and partially as a message to the woods around me. If they understand my native language, I hope they understand this. "Rest in piss, your majesty. You won''t be missed." Then I swing the completed great axe with one arm and sever his head in a single blow. There is no healing from that, and it''s apparent the woods aren''t going to try as his head rolls to the side and his body releases any excrement it had left in it.

    "It''s over, Sa-" I begin when a sharp pain stabs into my back. I look down to see I have been impaled, again. This time by what looks like a passive stinger. I turn and deflect two more from the somehow healed Medici. The pain is agonizing and I have to wonder what fucking aspect this is, but I never get the chance to ask. I hold Medici in place with force and Sara extends an arm with a slobbering, fang-filled mouth on one end.

    "Rot in hell!" Sara screams and Medici has barely a moment to regret attacking instead of fleeing before it closes around his neck and leaves his corpse to splutter in the grip of my magic. I cough as I release the spell then fall to my knees. For the second time in a week, blood runs down my chin as white foamy blood spurts from my chest. I feel tearing agony as Sara pulls the stinger from me, a typically terrible idea if she weren''t so damn good at healing. As her magic flows through my body, it feels wrong, however, like an injection of bleach. As I look down and see the black lines extending from my wound I realize why. Poison. Something the magic was struggling to fight.

    Well, fuck that. I focus with her, and much like our first meeting, we work together to make things right. This time it''s my body that needs healing. I look inward with mana and try to isolate the poison. Vaguely I am aware of the world rapidly shifting around us again. Sara must be protecting us from the woods while she saves me. I focus entirely on the poison. I can feel it, like syrup in a glass of water. It''s thick and it doesn''t belong. I grip it with my mana. I direct Sara''s magic. Together we throttle it. Closing off veins and pushing it until it erupts like ink from my wound.

    As soon as it is expelled, we shift focus and the blackness recedes from my vision. Again I feel my chest knitting closed and I take a deep breath of air as, both of us drenched in sweat, the wound heals completely.

    "Sara," I gasp and she looks me in the eyes. I become vaguely aware of her hands on each of my cheeks.

    "Lily," she responds fondly and I sigh.

    "Get us the fuck out of here, please."

 Chapter 68 - No No, That Cant Be Right

    As we emerge from the Radiant Woods we are greeted by the setting sun on a warm beach. I am so glad she chose one of the beaches. Some of the communities we have built are in more wooded or mountainous areas, but I could really use a beach. The sunset indicates it is fairly far from Potestia, which is even better. I suspect I know where we are, but I have to ask just in case. ��This is the one Clarrise lives at, yeah?�� I inquire and she smiles and nods.

    ��Clarrise and your family, now,�� she answers and I sigh in relief. Sara wouldn��t take me to a couple of the other seaside communities while I was this exhausted but anxiety wouldn��t let me rule it out anyway. We have brought people from all over the country to different spots around the world to form communities. Isolated spots like islands and valleys have always been preferable. Each mostly consists of people from the same cities, often from the same household or cell block. As such, dozens of communities organize in dozens of different ways.

    I��ve done my best to share my ideas with all of them as I can. Horizontal power structures, mutual aid, and the like. The nature of magic circles helps with that last one quite a bit and it exists in some form across all of them. But, of course, I am often less than the loudest voice. Many of these people supported each other through decades of misery. That buys more respect than ending it ever could. At least one community keeps ambushing me with arranged marriage proposals. They are trying to set up their own mini-monarchy and are convinced the king of whatever new country replaces Potestia will be my husband. I have explained again and again that I am no queen and never will be but they have been struggling to picture a different world than the one they grew up in.

    I can��t blame them too much, at every point in history most people thought a better way of doing things would never be found and would always be impossible. They are no different, and they haven��t established any silly laws on coming and going or kneeling before their chosen leader so they aren��t a problem yet. Nevertheless, I always get a headache when I go there. Sara and I do, of course, have to go to all of them sometimes. They have something of a trade relationship with each other, surpassing Potestian cities by who knows how many years. Nothing predatory at the moment, but they would have a hard time doing that while relying entirely on Sara��s monthly visits to manage trade. This isn��t sustainable forever, but it��s a start. At the very least all of them have people willing to help me offer a similar life to everyone else in Potestia.

    That and communication is far more free between these communities than in Potestia��s cities. Once I began recruiting different professors and tutors from around Potestia to our way of life, things really started to blow up. Give these little towns a couple of decades and the magical engineering and art they will discover will surpass thousands of years of Potestia��s artificial stagnation. Which of course means the Collector or whoever wants each city isolated and in the dark so badly will come after us. But we��ll be ready.

    Sara has chosen one of my favorite communities. No proposals, no sad little kings, just ideas. Many of them are mine, or came from me in the world, but not all. It��s a good place and I could not be more glad to finally live here instead of in the fucking city. ��Fuck, I��m exhausted. How are you holding up Sara?�� I ask. ��Medici was�� well I know he wasn��t your favorite person. Are you doing alright?�� The last time Sara had confronted someone directly involved with her�� banishment, she had taken a little too much joy in ending the man. It hadn��t sat with her well. She still has a lot of anger. A lot of poison that��s not her fault, and it very occasionally comes out, contorting the usually kind face of my friend. She looks out across the ocean and stops walking while thinking about the question.

    ��I��m�� still me,�� is her only answer. Her tone carries a note of finality, so I decide not to press her further. She had killed Medici quickly once he was pinned. I don��t know if she could have killed him sooner or not, but she doesn''t have the look of self-loathing I would have expected if she had toyed with him. So I look out at the ocean with her in silence. It��s almost hard to believe we��ve made it here. I reach a hand and clasp hers, which she doesn��t protest. She may never feel about me like I do about her, but there is clearly a fondness and familiarity we will always share. I also have a bit of a sense that my interest may not be as�� fruitless as it would be with other women. But only time will tell. We begin walking together in silence. I am barefoot and bloody, and my bandages are basically rags doing little more than hanging off of any protruding bits, but I am in one piece. We both are. It��s a good day.

    It��s a bit of a walk. There are two sets of woods on this island, the Radiant Woods and a more mundane version a couple of miles away. As with other communities, we didn��t start building directly outside of the hell woods. The sand is cool between my toes and the breeze blows through my filthy hair as we walk together. ��I don��t suppose you told my family to have a bath prepared for me, did you?�� I finally ask, breaking the peace. She smiles at me.

    ��As a matter of fact, I did. A bath and a clean bed,�� she answers and I sigh in relief.

    ��Thank god. A bath and a nap. It has been too long since both, and there is nothing in this world I want more than that,�� I answer. I pause for a moment then idly lament, ��Well, except maybe a roll in the hay. Talk about a dry spell.�� She looks at me in confusion.

    ��A roll in the hay? Is that one of your Earth sayings? What does it mean, maybe I can help you with that too,�� she suggests and I blush. Sarafyna, I would love nothing more than to show you exactly what that means in great detail�� but I don��t suspect you are in the right state of mind to suggest it at the moment.

    ��Oh, it��s just a way to relieve stress. Maybe another time,�� I answer instead and she shrugs it off. I��ve mentioned relationships that don��t fit this world��s norm a few times and, as with Leo, Sara has been open-minded about the idea, but she has never seemed particularly interested in who I may be interested in, so to speak. Now that we are going to live in a�� more flexible community, I can finally test the waters a bit. I squeeze her hand at the thought. Then, the simple wood homes we are looking for come into view and I let out a contented sigh.

    Not long after that, a few silhouettes appear, and it��s only a few minutes before my family approaches us. My mother is running, and my brothers are trailing not far behind her. I pick up my pace as well and run to meet her, leaving Sara a bit behind. We meet in a hug and I lift my mother off the ground as we do. ��Lily, sweetheart, I was so scared! I know you said you were prepared but�� it was so sudden, and Sara rushed us here with very little warning. No one would tell me anything and Sara buried the bit of the Woods in the tavern and I forgot your dresses and�� Lily what are you wearing??�� she finally lands on and I laugh. As I put her down the bandages try to go with her and she rapidly wraps a shawl around me. ��My goodness, were you just going to walk into town like that?�� she asks, horrified.

    ��No, Mom, I was gonna take the bandages off first! I don��t want to look too dirty, after all.�� She gives me a withering look, but as our eyes meet it melts. It''s not... as much of a smartass joke as she thinks, but one thing at a time.

    ��I��m so glad you are home, Lily. I��m so glad you made it. You are going to drive me to an early grave with all this fighting you know���� she trails before picking up a strap of torn, bloody bandage. She shudders, then sets her jaw. ��Well. To the bath with you,�� she finally announces, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward one of the nearby buildings. She has been a pretty good sport through all of this, and it��s not uncommon for her to focus on little things she can improve.

    ��Wait, Mom, let us say hello too!�� Gilbert protests and she reluctantly pauses.

    ��Right, well, of course. But your sister is tired, so keep it brief,�� she orders. Gil holds his hands up to placate her, then wraps me in a hug. He squeezes me a little too tight so I squeeze tighter and he grunts under the pressure.

    ��Collector be damned Lillith, take it easy on me, I have a use for that spine!�� he protests and I laugh.

    ��You started it! And who is this?�� I inquire, looking at the woman next to him.

    ��Uh, hi, I��m Julie,�� she introduces and I hold a hand out, which she looks at in confusion.

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    ��Don��t mind my sister, she��s a bit eccentric,�� Gil apologizes before pushing my hand down for me. ��Julie is a�� friend,�� he answers and I smirk. Gilbert isn��t who he once was but he still loves women. He��s had a lot of ��friends�� lately. The difference is that here, in this little oceanside town, it��s safe for women to be friends with him in that way. Any parents who try to beat celibacy into them will quickly find themselves in more trouble than their daughters. He is also far more open about it with his partners. I roll my eyes at him.

    ��A pleasure to meet you Julie, really,�� I smile. Then I turn my attention to my other brothers. Ed and Mariah are together as usual. I have seen far less of them since they moved here much earlier. After a once-over of Mariah, a suspicion sparks in my mind. ��Congratulations, Ed!�� I greet and he hugs me as well, then pulls back.

    ��Congratulations? For what?�� he asks. I look at Mariah, then at the very slight bump on her waist.

    ��I��ll tell you later,�� Mariah answers before narrowing her eyes at me in a ��you and I are going to have words�� way. Oops, I guess she hasn��t told him that yet. Well, that will be a fun surprise.

    ��What, but now I have to know,�� Ed whines and I chuckle, but move on to my final brother. He is holding hands with none other than Autumn. A faint red mark on her neck indicates the two may subscribe to a similar policy I do on stress relief. Or they have just started rounding the bases, anyway.

    ��You two look�� well,�� I grin and Henry blushes furiously. Autumn doesn��t pick up on my meaning, instead diving headfirst into an apology.

    ��I��m sorry Lillith, I didn��t know. I didn��t know about Leo. I would have told you sooner, I just thought�� I don��t know what I thought, but I��m sorry!�� she begs and I cut her off with a hug.

    ��It��s alright, Autumn. I��m glad you are safe. You did the best you could and, if it weren��t for you, Leo would have died.�� I answer. At the quiet that greets me in response, I begin to panic and release Autumn from the hug. ��Wait, Leo, he��s-�� I begin and my mom cuts me off.

    ��Sh- He��s alive. He��s alright, he��s just���� she says, ��well. He��ll be at dinner tonight. He wants to thank you, but�� well he��ll be at dinner tonight.�� I don��t care for the sound of that, but he��s alive. He��s alive and well enough to attend a family dinner. An anxiety about him begins to nibble at my mind but I push it to the back, deciding to trust my family��s judgment.

    ��Hey, Lil��,�� Henry greets and I pull him into a hug as well. ��I was worried about you.��

    ��Thanks. I know it��s not much but�� it helps me, having people that worry about me,�� I answer.

    ��Alright,�� Mom announces with a clap of her hands, ��It��s time to get Lily in the bath, we��ll all catch up at dinner, she looks dreadful!��

    ��Thanks, Mom, you look pretty too,�� I joke then pause and look back at Sara. Our eyes meet for a moment and we both offer a gentle smile. Then I turn to join my mother, and Sarafyna turns to greet her own visitor. A young man who has just arrived alongside an older one. Pete runs to hug her as my family did me. I let Sara, Pete, and her father catch up as I finally go to the bath.

    When we make it inside and into the washroom, it is practically a scene in a cartoon how quickly my Mom pulls my filthy clothes off and gets me in the water. I don��t need her help, but she needs to help and I��m happy to have her. She lathers my hair with shampoo, which has thankfully become a far more popular tool since the populace was freed from mind control. Apparently keeping the commoners down included keeping them dirty and sick.

    ��Can you�� stay?�� Mom asks, ��Before your next big plan? Just for a while?�� There is a tremble in her voice and I nod.

    ��For a while. I need to see where all the cards land anyway. I��ll be here, Mom,�� I promise and she sighs in relief.

    ��Thank the�� well thank whoever,�� she breathes. The bath is quiet for a while and my hair is long clean before she speaks again. While she is scrubbing my back she asks a much more typical question. ��So�� Henry and Autumn are a cute couple aren��t they?�� She probes and I tense, the tone in her voice warning me of the direction she is going.

    ��Yes���� I cautiously answer.

    ��And Mariah hasn��t bled in quite a few moons, as far as I know. Ed may be starting a family soon����

    ��Yes, I saw a bit of a bump earlier, she must be a few months along now���� I answer and she sighs again, this time wistfully.

    ��So�� I don��t suppose you��ve met any handsome men recently�� someone to watch your back out there. I know, I know, you don��t want to settle down, but that doesn��t mean you have to be alone.�� I shrug. I haven��t exactly been hiding this from my mother, I just�� my first mother hadn��t responded well. I didn��t want to be surprised by this one doing the same. But earlier�� earlier she corrected herself and called Leo ��he��. So, I figured I might as well take the leap.

    ��Well, yes, there is someone I would very much like to be with,�� I answer and she lets out a sharp gasp but holds back her excitement.

    ��Really now?�� She asks, feigning a more mild interest than she has, ��Will you tell me about him?�� I close my eyes and picture Sara��s gentle smile. Her hands on my cheeks.

    ��Tall. Auburn hair. A soft, kind smile. Fiercely reliable and adorably passionate. Someone that truly can watch my back, and I think always will�� I begin, then take a deep breath. My mom is clearly tortured at the slow response but hums along and scrubs my back. Finally, I add that final bit. ��Curves you and I are both jealous of���� I finish and the scrubbing pauses. There is a heavy moment, then the brush begins to move again.

    When Mom responds, she is suppressing a flustered voice. ��O-Oh, I see,�� she answers. ��Well. Yes. She certainly can watch your back���� she trails off. Then after a moment of silence, ��You�� do mean Sarafyna, right?�� she asks and I laugh.

    ��I do, Mom. I really, really do.��

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    I sit with Peter and Dad in their home and eat the stew Pete has prepared. It��s good to see him again, and I��m excited to live together for a bit. We have been catching up, but he looks confused at my recent musings. ��Really? But, well, you are prettier than her,�� Peter protests and I smile. It��s kind of him to say so but. I��m not prettier than anyone. I haven��t been in a long time.

    ��I don��t know, I just�� the first time I saw her face, she looked like�� well nothing special. And she always wore her mask after that. But today, I don��t know. I saw her face for the first time in years and I was just, I don��t know, impressed? I��m not saying I��m going to morph into her or anything, I was just remarking it��s a shame she always covers it up,�� I answer.

    ��That��s not so strange,�� Dad remarks, ��You used to say the same thing about some of our neighbors. Not about the mask, of course, but you always used to tell me you were going to look just like them when you grew up, but with a better hat.�� He laughs and I can��t help but smile at the fond memory. ��Speaking of hats, didn��t you want to bring one to her?�� I jump. That��s right. I have given Lily a few hats over the years, but I had put special work into this one. It isn��t one from her home world, but it is perhaps the most beautiful hat I have ever made. It is also how I distracted myself while she was imprisoned.

    ��Oh! That''s right, I do! Thanks Dad!�� I exclaim before jumping to my feet. I kiss him on the cheek and Peter on the forehead.

    ��What��s the rush, Mom?�� Peter calls as I collect the hat and run out the door. I don��t answer him, in part because I don��t know. I want to see her again. I don��t know why I am in a hurry to do so, but I am. It��s strange how much of a hurry. My dad is right, I always felt the same way about my pretty neighbors. I was probably just shocked by the contrast since the last time I saw her. But Lillith is�� beautiful. Not in the way I always thought I wanted to be as a girl but.. Now I find myself Jealous of her. Shockingly jealous. Not in a way that I resent her but there is an odd�� longing. One that has been there for a long time in a way. I have often longed to be like her as a person, and this is the same, even if it��s more about appearance.

    It��s probably just a distraction. Fighting Medici had been�� hard. I wanted to crush him. I wanted to take advantage of his healing to kill him, again and again and again. I wanted to put nine years of suffering into a single fight. But I didn��t want to want that. So whenever a cruel idea occurred to me, I focused on the freshest, kind thing in my mind. Lillith��s full-mouthed smile. The way she smiles with both rows of teeth when she is truly happy. The sparkling gems of eyes. Even with all that filth on her, I wanted to be her. It was something small, but whenever I felt my rage start to take the reins, I pictured her and calmed. It worked far better than it should have, all things considered.

    I race through these thoughts as I walk through the quaint little town Lillith and I helped build, and I am still sorting through the strange jealousy when I arrive at Lillith��s new home. When I walk in I hear talking and I realize she is still in the bath. I suppose I would want a long one too, in her shoes. I decide to leave the hat on the little round table outside the washroom when I overhear Joan asking something.

    ��So�� I don��t suppose you��ve met any handsome men recently�� someone to watch you back out there. I know, I know, you don��t want to settle down, but that doesn��t mean you have to be alone,�� she tries to ask casually. I feel a little spike of anger when she asks. That��s�� odd.

    ��Well, yes, there is someone I would very much like to be with,�� Lillith answers and my heart sinks into my stomach. I don��t know why. Maybe because, after all this, she didn��t tell me? I start to feel sick and I barely catch Joan asking her daughter to describe the man who has apparently caught her interest. ��Tall. Auburn hair. A soft, kind smile. Fiercely reliable and adorably passionate. Someone that truly can watch my back, and I think always will,�� she says. My heart starts to pound in my chest. That sounds like�� ��Curves you and I are both jealous of���� she adds and I turn bright red. Wait. Wait wait wait. No, she doesn��t mean��

    ��O-Oh, I see,�� Joan responds. ��Well. Yes. She certainly can watch your back���� she trails off and I put my hands on my face. That can��t be right. I mean Lily has mentioned�� Finally, the words I never expected to hear leave Joan��s lips, ��You�� do mean Sarafyna, right?��

    ��I do, Mom. I really, really do,�� Lily sighs. My heart is going to stop working. I am a divine mage, and my heart is just going to stop working. What an embarrassing way to go.

 Chapter 69 - Give and Take

    Prince Kallon

    I scowl as I look out the window and at the passing countryside. Something is very wrong in this kingdom. I had been irritated, at first, when some self-impressed marquess had the gall to assign me to some minor task halfway across the country. My father hadn��t even fought him on it as far as I know. Like some baron or viscount, I was sent to check up on the local lord. It was one of many cities that failed to send the requested slaves to shore up our labor shortage and I was supposed to ensure my father��s new laws were being applied. It was busy work. These cities run themselves like little pets mimicking the capital. They exist primarily to provide women and workers to their betters in Visenar. I was certain sending me away was some sort of play by some idiot who thought they could challenge my father if I, the most powerful mage in the city, was gone.

    Well. Almost the most powerful. Dominic, my uncle��s grandson, has a generation on me since Uncle Godfrey is so much older than his younger brother. But he was given a lesser circle than me, the crown prince. As such, he technically has slightly more mana than me. So perhaps I would be better described as the most dangerous mage in Visenar. Dominic has never practiced any combat magic. Like my father, he is complacent in his power. Anyway, his meager mana advantage is especially irrelevant as he received a similar assignment, which only supports my theory. Cities had been promising us new slaves for months but none ever came from most. Perhaps they just wanted a particularly powerful mage to remind these lords where they stood.

    That��s what I had thought, anyway. When I arrived, the situation was far worse than I had expected. Reports from these cities had all been positive. ��Slaves are coming. Tutors are coming. We would be happy to help!�� Bullshit, all of it. The city I went to was in a worse state than Visenar. A monster stalked the streets and hunted nobles in their beds. Slaves disappeared. Wives vanished. Doctors, tutors, farmers. The same exact issues that plagued my home were there but with an even poorer response. Instead of protecting his allies, the lord had tried to catch their killer. Magic Knights had died by the dozens. The most important nobles in the city were dead and there was very little organization at all. Not over the commoners, anyway. The city Lord I was to check on had been killed before I had even been assigned the task.

    The new laws hadn��t been implemented at all. As far as I could tell, the dimwit left in charge, some viscount, had entirely given up on replenishing his missing slaves. Nobles were left manually managing their own properties! Husbands were left with no mother or nurse for their children! It was a disaster, and one that hadn��t been reported to the palace a single time. I had to round up random commoners and charge them with malingering just to replace the slaves the city itself had lost, much less the ones they were supposed to provide to us. An entire fifth of the city was left empty just to meet manpower needs. Even worse, the whisper sphere to communicate with the capital was missing, and the arrogant church refused to provide a new one. They claimed they had to be made in pairs to communicate long distance, but I half believe they are responsible for all of this. It would certainly explain how we were getting false reports all this time.

    I did get it sorted, however. It turned out to be a good thing they sent me instead of some lesser noble. I am now bringing back a new sphere so we can re-establish communications with a reliable reporter. A wave of slaves will be brought as well, eventually, once they get them all sorted and categorized. Still, something is wrong. One killer can��t hunt in two cities at the same time. And this wasn��t the only one that failed to provide the required slaves. It worries me that something more than a single crazed killer is at play here. This is why I suspect the church as well. There is an organized effort across cities to undermine the nobility and deplete the workforce. And the church is responsible for communication. There aren��t many other options I would believe. In fact, there may be no other options I would believe.

    As I work through my suspicions, the carriage lurches and slowly comes to a stop. ��What in the third plane do you think you are doing?�� I call, before opening the wooden window between me and my coachman. The man is sitting with the reins limply in his hands and gaping. I follow his eye line and see that Visenar has come into view. Visenar and�� something else. It would have been hard to make out from further away, but I see what stopped my driver. Above the city wall is�� a tree. It��s still far off, but it is unmistakably a tree. A massive tree that exceeds the city walls in height. What the����Snap out of it you idiot, get me to the city!�� I order and the drooling driver jumps.

    ��Oh, uh, yes of course. I��m sorry, Your Majesty,�� he apologizes before gripping the reins and getting us moving. Idiot commoners. Dominic must be having quite a time of it with his foolish ideas. Or maybe he is pleased to his ears at the lack of slaves wherever he went. It��s hard to tell with that pathetic side of the family. They are all too soft. I grit my teeth as we approach the city gate. The tree only looks more impressive the closer we get. It would take an immensely powerful mage to grow something like that. I can��t help but glance regularly as we approach, until the walls finally obscure our view and the coachman stops at the gate. I look out again and am surprised to see not city guards but magic knights speaking with the coachman. After a moment, one of them approaches the door to the carriage and I swing it open.

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    ��Do you have any idea who you are delaying?�� I scoff and he looks a bit embarrassed as he responds.

    ��Yes, Lord Kallon, that��s why we stopped you here. The�� King has summoned you. We��ve been instructed to escort you to the throne room as soon as you return,�� he replies. I��m thoroughly confused by this. I am at least three weeks early, why would Father have knights waiting for me at the gate already? It��s like he forgot the details of the chore he sent me on. Perhaps he had simply ignored it and genuinely didn��t know when I was due back.

    ��Well, move things along then, escort me as you were ordered!�� I snap and he hurriedly nods.

    ��As you wish, my Lord,�� he replies before climbing back down. It��s not long before we are back on the road and headed to the palace. Now that we have entered the city, I can again see the massive tree peeking over rooftops. I open a window to my side and call a knight over. He cautiously approaches.

    ��Knight, what is that tree?�� I ask, ��How has it grown in only a few months of my absence?�� He looks down awkwardly.

    ��It�� grew this morning, my Lord,�� he responds, ��It is, apparently, an extension of the Radiant Woods.��

    ��It��s ��Your Majesty�� not ��My Lord�� you dimwit. You are telling me that tree appeared this morning? Have you injured your head, man?�� I ridicule. This morning indeed.

    ��W-well, yes, my Lord,�� he responds. ��It was�� well, the King wishes to speak to you about it himself, I��m sorry Lord Kallon,�� he answers. There it was again, ��my Lord.�� Has he forgotten who I am? I��ll have him beaten once I speak to my father. I decide against further interrogating the useless man and wait for the carriage to arrive at the castle. The Radiant Woods he had said? There is another indicator the temple is responsible. Those priests have always thought of themselves as the true kings, perhaps they decided to try and prove it.

    It��s quite some time before we reach the palace. The city seems to have deteriorated quite a bit in my absence. There is no one on the streets. No commoners in the common district and no nobles in the wealthy district. Doors are closed and windows are drawn. A cloud gathers over me. Something is very, very wrong here. Something has happened, and it has something to do with that fucking tree. Did the church attack us? Is this why I was sent out of the city? As we make it to the palace, I swallow. I can��t shake the feeling I��m not going to like what my father has to say. I walk past the marble pillars and through the carpeted hall I had grown up around. Even the palace feels�� off. The servants are missing and there are far too many magic knights.

    Other nobles have gathered here, the first I have seen since getting back to the city. As I pass they steal glances and whisper. One man even snickers. At me. I��ll have him beaten as well. When the knights with me finally push open the massive doors of the throne room and take their positions outside I understand everything. Dozens of the more powerful nobles in the city are inside talking with each other. An air of panicked excitement prevails and I can see why. Sitting on the throne is not my father, but my uncle Godfrey. He wears a new crown, simpler than my father''s.

    I spit on the ground immediately. ��Godfrey, get out of my father��s seat,�� I order coldly. How dare he? In front of me? He��s not my match but�� as I speak auras begin to release all around the room. I can��t take all of them and I put the pieces together. It was a coup. Godfrey managed to gather enough nobles to fight and imprison my father. He has seized my throne and summoned me to look at him dirtying it. I��ll kill him. I swear to the Collector I��ll kill him.

    ��Calm yourself Kallon,�� he says. ��A lot has happened since you left. This morning, your father was�� abducted. He and Father Medici together were brought into the Radiant Woods.��

    ��Then get him back you old fool! No, get off my throne and follow my orders so we can get him back!�� I snarl and Godfrey shakes his head.

    ��I��m sorry, Kallon. I can��t do that. No, that��s not true, I won��t do that. The nobility has spoken and I am to be the regent until we recover your father. If you��ll work with me, we can rebuild everything that has been lost, and we can get Donatello back,�� he explains and I spit again.

    ��We aren��t rebuilding everything by sucking commoner��s cocks or whatever other spineless plans you have, you senile old fuck. Now Get. Off. My. Throne,�� I command again. Godfrey sighs.

    ��I don��t want to lower the nobility, Kallon. I just want to practice a little more�� give and take. With the commoners and with you. I think you have a lot to offer this kingdom, and as King, I can offer you help in finding your father. Then we can work forward from there. Come on Kallon, work with me.�� he offers, holding one hand out to me. Work with him? No. I scan the room, making sure I remember every face of every traitor stopping me from killing this�� usurper here and now.

    ��Sure. Give and take. You took advantage of my absence and my father��s apathy. And I��ll give you what you deserve in return. Watch your back, uncle. You won��t always have so many protectors to hide behind,�� I retort. I turn on my heel to march out of the room.

    ��Kallon, wait. Please, look toward the future! If we turn on each other now instead of working together, we could lose everything. This entire kingdom could come to ruin. Work with me!�� he begs but I scoff.

    ��With you on that throne, this kingdom is already in ruin,�� I reply, then leave before he debases my crown any further.

    There were more than a few powerful nobles that weren��t in that room. We��ll see how confident he is when I have more support.

 Chapter 70 - Simply Annie

    Lillith

    I finish getting dressed and applying my make-up. God, it feels good to be clean. I have been dreaming of a clean pair of underwear for two days. I��ve gotten used to this medieval make-up now, and apply it with far more skill than almost anyone else in town. It only recently stopped being a luxury good for most of the residents here which makes it look a bit silly at times. Interestingly, like with soap, previous conceptions about it have disappeared and I even see men using it all the time in several communities. I am in a remarkably good mood as I finish covering my faint scar. Today I escaped an execution, scrubbed the world of two evil men, and moved to a new house. I��m on cloud nine. I also get to see Leo today. I have been constantly worrying about him since finding him that night. I know he is alive at least. I am so excited to start working with Sara to help him like we had always promised. We will of course need to go and retrieve his sponsor as well.

    I tilt my head in the mirror in a few directions to make sure I haven��t missed anything. I do catch that one little hair that insists on growing out of my chin and pluck it. It��s funny how I can mess with my cycle and hormones but that little black chin hair persists no matter what I do. Finally satisfied, I stand from the vanity. Before I leave my new room, I stop to give my attention to the most important woman in my life. My most darling friend and steadfast ally. ��How are you doing little Sousaphone?�� I ask as I scratch Suzume��s chin. She purrs and rolls onto her back, tempting me to stay too long. But, my family awaits so I leave a treat for her and head out.

    My mom provided the clothes I am wearing now. I am pleased to say she''s sewn quite a few outfits consisting of blouses and pants, which she would have refused a few years ago. I am very excited to wear them openly�� starting tomorrow. Tonight is�� well it��s the first night Sarafyna is going to see my face. Well, she saw it earlier but I��m certain I didn��t exactly look like a sex goddess at the time. Tonight she��ll see me without mud and blood caked to everything. I want to make a good impression, so I��ve chosen a lacy crop top with half-arm sleeves and a billowy maxi skirt.

    It��s a bit hippy in design and my mom stared at me for a good five minutes in silence when I described the top, but I have to say�� I look good. If I am lucky and Sarafyna is as receptive to my lifestyle as I hope, this outfit will go a long way toward helping her realize that. Well, maybe. It��s possible I am projecting since a similar outfit on another woman may have been involved in some personal revelations in my teenage years. But hey, if it worked on me�� ��There you are, come on, everyone is waiting!�� Henry calls as I round a corner. He waves me over and I follow. ��You clean up nice kid,�� he jokes and I chuckle.

    ��Wish I could say the same but, it��s alright. Autumn is the charitable sort,�� I quip and he holds his hands to his chest to ease the pain of a mimed arrow to the heart. He does actually look well, especially compared to his time in Baldwin��s basement. Practicing alchemy in a safe environment has been good for him. As we enter the large room with four round tables, cheers erupt and I begin to blush. All around the room, familiar faces applaud me. Autumn waves over to Henry who hurries to join her. Next to her is August who is clearly baffled, having been less privy to my plans than his twin. He seems to be having a good time in any case. There are a couple of empty seats at their table I assume belong to their parents. I don��t know how they are responding to all this but I did hear they agreed to come.

    Another table houses Edward and Mariah, along with a few other women from Baldwin��s�� torture harem. My mom is sitting with Gilbert and Julie and�� another couple. They seem about Gilbert��s age and the unfamiliar woman has a hand on both my brother and the other man. Fair enough Gilbert, fair enough. The final table houses Sam, Peter, and of course, Sara. She has changed into a green sundress and a wide-brimmed hat. Her face matches her Auburn hair as she, well, drinks me in. I don��t know if she is awakening anything, but she is certainly looking. I have high hopes this outfit is two for two. I��m hardly one to talk, however, as I stopped scanning the room immediately when I found the curvy redhead in a sundress. She quickly finds something incredibly interesting in her meal and looks down. Well, I can work with that.

    Once the applause of my loved ones dies down I begin to make the rounds. ��I��m still unclear on what we are applauding for, but I��m very excited,�� August greets when I reach their table.

    ��Sorry, we brought him here in a hurry, haven��t gotten him up to speed yet,�� Autumn apologizes and I laugh.

    ��Oh don��t worry about it, August is cool. I committed some light regicide. The pretty girl in the green dress helped me,�� I answer. A strangled squeak escapes Sara��s table but it��s quickly drowned out by August��s coughing.

    ��I��m sorry, did you say regicide?�� he finally asks and Henry gives him a sympathetic glance.

    ��We all have our hobbies,�� Henry dismisses before hurriedly changing the subject, ��It��s good to have you here for good, Lil. How were things looking in the city when you left?��

    August gapes at me but when his sister continues eating her steak he just shakes his head and mumbles into his own plate. She is quieter than usual, but not surprised like he is. ��You know it was hard to say, I don��t think the last people I saw liked me much though. But who knows, maybe they did. Is ��hang her�� a friendly saying any of you have heard? You know, like, ��How��s it hanging��?�� I joke and Henry shakes his head.

    ��I can��t say I��ve heard it used that way before, no,�� he laughs and I shrug.

    ��Guess they hated me then. Are your parents not coming?�� I change the subject and Autumn shrugs.

    ��They aren��t�� impressed with their accommodations, let��s leave it at that�� she answers. The rest of the conversation is friendly, although the twins seem to struggle to be quite as ecstatic about everything as my brother. I take a drink from the center of the table and excuse myself to join Sara��s.

    ��Hello, how are you holding up?�� I ask and Sara shrugs.

    ��You know. Big day. Justice. Fighting. You��re uh, not wearing your mask,�� she answers, failing to make eye contact.

    ��Hmm, oh yeah, I��m hanging up the cape. Gonna be more of an open nuisance from now on,�� I joke.

    ��It��s good to have you back,�� Sam smiles at me, ��Sara has been absolutely frantic with worry.�� I smile back and Sara finds new shades of red to turn. Peter looks at me curiously while chewing a large bit of meat.

    ��I��ve been worried about her too, thanks for keeping her grounded,�� I reply.

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    Sara tries to take a drink to hide her blush and I do the same. Then Pete swallows his food. He looks me dead in the eyes and says, ��Mom says you are pretty,�� absolutely devoid of context. Sara and I both choke and spill on ourselves before sharing an awkward look.

    ��I�� made you a hat,�� Sara says, rapidly changing the subject and giving Peter a quick, lightly murderous glance.

    ��O-Oh, thanks, what kind is it this time?�� I ask. So she said I��m pretty before tonight. Meaning when I was covered in filth and elbow-deep in monarch-corpse. That is either very encouraging or very disturbing. The rest of this conversation is fairly awkward and Sara seems to be distracted the whole time. I can��t blame her, however. She likely isn��t quite as desensitized as me to�� everything. I stand to move to the last table and she stops me by grabbing my hand.

    ��Wait, Lily,�� she says, and I pause. ��After dinner can you meet me on the beach? There is something I want to talk about, if that��s alright,�� she looks nervous and I nod.

    ��Sure, I��d love to,�� I answer. It��s not surprising she wants to talk alone. I hope she isn��t beating herself up again. She did a good thing today. But, if she needs me to convince her of that, I am happy to help. Finally, I sit at the final table with any room for me where Gilbert, blessedly, starts putting food on a plate for me.

    ��Hey Lilith, finally made it to the reject table, huh?�� He asks and I scoff.

    ��Hey that��s my mother you are talking about, I��ll hear none of that,�� I respond. ��I see you brought more�� friends. Are you going to introduce them?�� He laughs in return.

    ��Oh, only Julie and Mali here are my, uh, friends. Jack over there is one of Mali��s, uh, friends." Mom buries her face in her hands, completely baffled by her children.

    ��Good for you and all your friends Gil. I��m glad to see the new world agrees with you. Who knows, maybe Jack can be your friend too someday,�� I prod. Gil looks less than interested but Mali grins at the idea. Mali and Jack whisper to each other, something about how his name isn��t Jack, but I focus on my mom. She is embarrassed but has a gentle smile like the end of a good book.

    ��You look happy Mom,�� I say and she meets my eyes.

    ��It��s good to have everyone together like this,�� she whispers, ��It��s just�� good.�� I raise a glass to that and drink before I greedily begin devouring the steak Gilbert offers me. ��You seemed to enjoy your time at Sarafyna��s table. Are you, uh, sure about�� well she is a bit���� she whispers.

    ��Feminine?�� I guess and she shakes her head.

    ��No, the Collector knows that��s not the most surprising thing I have learned about you. I mean, uh, old. She must be a decade older than you, are you sure?�� I laugh out loud at that.

    ��Don��t most people get married around here with a twenty to thirty-year age gap?�� I challenge, ��Of the two, I��m surprised that��s the one you are having trouble with.��

    ��Most people get married without a choice, Lily,�� she answers. ��And it usually doesn��t end happily.�� I smile at her reassuringly.

    ��Don��t worry, Mom. I know what I��m doing, I promise,�� I respond, reaching one hand out to cover hers for a moment. Gilbert looks between us in confusion.

    ��What are you two talking about?�� he asks. He never gets an answer, however, as the room suddenly quiets.

    ��Leo is here,�� Mom whispers. Finally, I was wondering where he was. I turn with an excited grin painting my face but freeze when I see him. I understand why the room quieted. My good mood vanishes and my blood runs cold. My dinner feels like razors in my gut. He��s�� healthy. More so than I expected with Sara healing without my help. His mangled limbs are smooth and there are no longer broken bones jutting out. He doesn��t even appear to have serious scars, which is surprising considering my failure to heal mine.

    He looks�� gorgeous. Beautiful, even. The dress he has chosen is simple but elegant. It fits his curves well. It would really suit him if it, well, suited him. His face is a fallen star. It carries the haunting beauty of quiet anguish. I feel like an idiot. His body is healed, yes. But I found him completely broken. Not just his bones. I clench my fork in my fist and it bends. His eyes meet mine and he bows his head, then moves to sit at Sara��s table. The dinner tries to recover from his arrival and quiet conversation picks up but I��ve lost my appetite. I hang around for a while but�� I can��t stay there. I don��t know why, but I got a clear message from Leo. He doesn��t want to talk to me right now. I excuse myself and leave everyone else to enjoy their meals.

    The town is fairly quiet. It��s new, and small, so although not everyone is indoors, it still feels empty. I walk toward the beach. I am an idiot. The night air is cold and lashes against my skin. I should have worn something warmer. I leave the town behind and leave footprints down the empty beach. Once I am far enough, I sit down and hug my knees to my chest. I��d been having such a good day, but Leo wasn��t. Even here, he doesn��t feel safe anymore. Even in the same room as me. I had failed him. I have done a lot of good, but failing someone like that�� it doesn��t matter how much good I have done. Not in this moment, anyway. Tears run down my cheeks. Some fucking applause.

    It��s maybe twenty minutes before Sara shows up. She doesn��t say anything at first, just sits next to me. We look up at the stars together and listen to the sounds of the shore. Eventually, I release my knees and lower my legs. Seeing me growing comfortable, she finally speaks. ��You saved me, Lily. You pulled me from misery, and hate, and self-loathing in more ways than one. You found me as a monster in the forest. You burned yourself to reach out to me. You poured yourself into a stranger, and you helped me find myself again. You did the same thing for Peter. For a lot of people,�� she says. I don��t answer and she is quiet for another moment.

    ��I can��t pretend to understand what Leo is going through. Not exactly. And I��m sorry we didn��t tell you ahead of time. I couldn��t find the right moment, and it was�� hard to say. But you found me and helped me remember who I was. What I went through wasn��t the same, but it wasn��t completely different either. As far as I understand it, anyway. You are a good person to know, for someone going through something like that, is all I��m saying,�� Sara finishes.

    I sniff and wipe the tears off my cheeks. ��I��m glad I helped you, Sara. You have no idea how glad I am. But I��m still just�� me. You are still in pain, from what you went through. Still wounded. I can see it sometimes. Leo is�� he was hurt, badly. Because I wasn��t there. Because I wasn��t paying enough attention. I knew better, but I still didn��t pay enough attention. I can��t heal that kind of damage, and it��s my fault, Sara,�� I answer, fighting more tears.

    Sara reaches out and puts one hand on my cheek, catching a drop with her thumb. ��You don��t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders like that, Annie. You don��t. You killed the women responsible for what happened to Leo,�� she whispers. She runs her other hand along my midriff, tracing one of my tattoos with her fingers. The hairs all over my body stand at her touch. ��What did you tell me this said? ��I will suffer no gods��? Then why are you acting like you are one? Annie, you can��t save everyone from every bad thing. You need to forgive yourself for the state of the world you are, frankly, saving. I am not the only person who has a life because of you. Thousands of people have a life because of you. And it��s because of you I have the confidence to do what I am about to do.��

    Sarafyna is acting more confident than usual. She is usually mild and sweet. Very excitable about small things. Never speaking over anyone else. But she does have a fire in her blood. One that gives her confidence you wouldn��t expect from her. A fire that burns exclusively when she is feeling particularly passionate about something. ��And what is that?�� I ask. Instead of answering, her hand moves to the back of my neck, and she pulls me to her. Her lips meet mine in a gentle kiss and my entire body tenses. Did she just�� before I even had the chance? Her lips separate from mine, the skin of our mouths sticking together for a brief moment, then she kisses me again, her teeth gently gripping my bottom lip and pulling. I melt. No longer am I Lillith of Endings. No longer am I the Mage of Mourning, hunting slavers and liberating the masses. I��m not the woman who beheaded a despot.

    As I finally wrap my arms around Sarafyna��s waist and kiss her back, I am just Lillith, a girl in love. I am, for the first time in years, simply Annie.

    End of Volume Two

 Prologue

    Skaya

    I spit a handful of seeds on the ground while waiting for my Ailur friend, Miro. He seems to be running late, if he is coming at all this time. Neither of us can necessarily make it on all of our shifts but we try. Since he''s from the republic and I patrol for the Council, our schedules don''t line up perfectly. Neither of us can afford a whisper sphere either, so there is no way to warn the other when we won''t make it. We aren''t really supposed to meet up like this either, so there isn''t much we can do to improve communication.

    But who can blame us, really? Chewing sunflower seeds can only keep a girl awake for so long, after all. I was always told being a Guardian of Stone was an important and prestigious job. Everyone was. Most people still believe it and I admittedly get a lot of discounts if I wear my uniform or lapel in town, so I can''t complain too much. Still, there isn''t quite so much ''glory'' as the papers and posters report. In reality, the job is just a whole lot of ''hurry up and wait''. At least until your superior officer leaves. Then it''s either finding a partner to take turns on watch while the other naps, or meeting up with someone to talk shit with. This holds especially true for guardians on the night shift like me.

    Very few people choose a Republic guardian to spend their time with, partially because we have to meet up at the border and partially because of some bullshit tribalism. But we''ve had an alliance for decades now, I say it''s time to let it lie. It''s also rare for a volu and an ailur to befriend each other. It''s not racism or anything, but our cultures do tend to clash a bit. People just like friends with similar interests, tastes, and experiences. Or so my father always tells me, but he also always extends his talons a bit when passing an Ailur in public so...

    Nevertheless, Miro and I don''t care about all that. We''ve always been birds of a feather, or, bird and cat of a feather, if you prefer. Both of us grew up, egged on by our patriotic parents, planning to be heroes for our perspective countries. Both of us chose the stone to escape unwanted marriages, if for different reasons, and both of us were severely disappointed in the reality of the guardians. The most daring thing I have done since joining was give a fake address to the swarm of sergeants that accosted me the second I was assigned to their flight.

    "Sorry about that Skaya, commander wanted a post brief," Miro apologizes and I nearly jump out of my skin.

    "Shit, you''ve gotta stop doing that!" I immediately protest before hitting his arm with a half-playful punch.

    "I''m just keeping you alert, it''s important work we do, can''t have you dozing off," he lies and I scoff. I look up at the massive obsidian stone. It''s floating miles away but would be visible from further than this. Even as a black stone at night, its size makes it hard to miss. It creates something of a void in the darkness, where ambient light disappears. In contrast, the night around it actually looks brighter. I spit a few seeds at the barrier it maintains and they bounce off harmlessly.

    "Would you look at that, no signs of a breach. That makes..." I respond while mock counting on my fingers, "nine, maybe ten thousand years? Yeah, I think we''re alright." Miro laughs and sits down on a tree stump near the trunk I''m leaning against.

    "How do you do that?" he asks and I tilt my head, inviting elaboration. "Get all that velocity when spitting from a beak, the science doesn''t check out."

    I scoff. "Oh I don''t know, the same way you stand upright with that extra fuckin joint in your legs I guess," I dismiss and he shrugs before nodding in assent.

    "Fair enough, although my mother may disagree with your positive appraisal of my posture," he laughs.

    "Yeah, I don''t think it''s your posture that your mother doesn''t consider straight enough," I lament and he nods sadly before pulling a flask out and taking a drink. I look at him in envy. "I can''t believe you are allowed to drink on duty. I''m not even allowed to bring a book. Sometimes I think the Republic has it right.

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    "They just know the same thing you and I do," he retorts, "The stones are staying as cold as they always have. If whatever ''prophet'' who said otherwise was allowed to be drunk on the job, why should the Guardians remain sober?" I can''t refute the logic, everyone knows it''s true.

    "Yeah, the Council knows that, but they go the other direction with it. If nothing is ever going to happen, well, there is no problem with running their Guardians ragged. Who needs well-rested Guardians when they''ll never have to fight anyone? Much better to hold our supposed ''discipline'' up like some kind of trophy," I complain and he laughs.

    "Well that''s what comes of putting a council of ancient loons in control of your country," he teases and I roll my eyes.

    "The Republic is ruled by sages too. You just pretend to choose which one occasionally and stop talking to your friends when they pick the wrong one. I say fuck all the sages," I retort.

    "I''ll drink to that," he winks before taking another drink. I groan in envy as the alcohol improves his shift in a way I will never understand. "Speaking of crazy old sages, one of ours is actually pushing for reform. He actually thinks the stones are going to fall in our lifetimes. Claims we need to recruit more guardians or we''ll be facing invasion in a matter of years."

    I give him a blank stare. Then I look at the cold stone in the sky again. "So... it''s an election year, huh?" I guess and he laughs.

    "Hit the nail on the head! Yeah, he''s an idiot hoping to scare us into voting for him with some mythical doomsday. As if that has ever worked. I don''t know why human sages always try shit like that. No one else has ever claimed to see the future like they do; it''s like they all get the same playbook at birth," he mocks and I shrug.

    "Aren''t you forgetting someone?" I challenge and he closes his eyes and curses.

    "That''s right, Sorry, this may be my second flask," he apologizes and I shrug it off.

    "It''s fine, I''m just saying. Assholes are gonna be assholes whether they have a beak, tail, or bald face," I forgive and he relaxes. The reminder of the creep who drove me to choose the stone makes me shudder despite the warm night.

    "Do you think my mother would believe me if I said a Nexus Sage prophesied I was destined to have a boyfriend," he jokes, referencing the moron volu who tried a similar line to recruit me as his eleventh concubine.

    "She''d probably have shipped you here whether the Guardians wanted you or not, just to keep you away from the sages after that," I dismiss and he nods.

    "No joke, if anything could shake her faith in the sages, that would be it," he sighs and I sniff. He and I are both here for that very reason. All the power in the world but no Nexus Sage would ever go anywhere near a stone. It''s the only thing in the world they are afraid of. So I chose the post that would keep me away from the one that wanted to use religion to own me. Miro came here for a similar if far more complicated reason.

    "Well, that''s one thing that fucking stone actually does, so cheers to that," I respond and he wrinkles his nose.

    "I suppose with all the taxes spent on guarding them, it''s good they do something," he scoffs. We have both grown to resent the useless, cold stones and their barriers. You can only be treated like shit for so long while working fourteen-hour shifts before everything associated with your job leaves a bad taste in your mouth. "Although, if they ever came down, the fucking sages would probably shit their pants. Might be even better without them."

    I consider his suggestion for a moment and shrug. "Fair enough," I agree. "I suppose it''s not the stones themselves those creeps actually fear. Do you think if I take a drink from your flask, my negligence will cause it to fall from the sky?" He offers it to me.

    "Only one way to find out," he teases and I look at it. Then I decide to just go for it. With the hours they work us, I''ll be sober again before guardmount breaks anyway. I take it and throw back a deep swig of the smooth liquor. As I hand it back he holds up one finger and we both look around in mock vigilance for a moment. The stone remains cold and colorless, floating as it has for millennia.

    "Well fuck. No demon queen, no chimera pet, and no army of chaos. I guess drinking on duty isn''t so dangerous after all," I sigh and Miro takes his flask back.

    "I guess not. Maybe if I vote for fuckface the human sage, then it will fall?" he suggests and I laugh.

    "Well, electing a new sage is about as likely to cause major changes as that drink just now was, but feel free to give it a shot," I answer and he sighs as well.

    "Yeah. Guess we''ll just have to rely on this supposed demon queen to bring it down herself. Honestly, it might be a relief," he replies and I sit down next to him.

    "Honestly, I agree. We could use some mythical demon to knock some sense into these fucking sages. Almost makes you want to believe," I say.

    "Fuck almost, if I thought for a second she was real I''d help her get past the stone myself," Miro spits and I can''t blame him.

    "You know what, you''re right," I respond. "Here''s to the stone falling and the army of chaos making the sages work for their fucking luxuries. To the Demon Queen Lilith!" I propose and he raises his flask in a mock toast.

 Chapter 1 - Carrying the Burden

    Lillith

    I glance over at Sara as I pull the cart through the woods. These woods aren''t so... Radiant, so to speak, but mundane ones surrounding one of the communities she and I helped build. The redwood trees are familiar and consistent and the smell of pine reminds me of camping as a girl. As Sara catches my look she blushes and rapidly looks in the other direction. I had been surprised by her confidence when she made the first move but apparently, I had two things to thank for that. It seems she overheard me telling Mom about my feelings, which helped her sort through a few of her own. More important, however, was my own vulnerability.

    Sarafyna''s status as the hunter of the Radiant Woods has always promised a confident woman somewhere under all her nerves. That and the way she behaves when she sits in front of her hat block. I hadn''t seen her so forward in an emotional context yet but my weakness opened a gap for her strength, I suppose. Whatever the case, the night after our double date with the king and the priest, she was a whole new Sarafyna. That passionate fire carried her to me, kissed me, and enveloped me in a warmth I desperately needed. And it lasted... just long enough to get me to my front door.

    After an awkward moment in front of my open door, her mind and lifetime in an archaic culture caught up to her heart and she blushed furiously before excusing herself and rushing back to her own family. I don''t mind. I hardly expect a woman to discover her sexuality and jump head-first into it in the space of a few hours. If we hadn''t known each other as long as we have even the move she did make likely would have taken longer. All this amounts to a new flavor of shyness around me. I smile at her and she pulls the brim of her hat down to hide her blush.

    It''s been a few weeks since she first kissed me, and I''m not worried that she regrets it. We have, in fact, repeated the event quite a few times since. She definitely has a harder time manifesting confidence at the same time as me, however. That''s alright. It''s nice to have her in my life, visiting me every day and being around me just because she likes my company. She has been a light through a canopy of rotting leaves. A large part of me is miserable. It feels like spitting in Leo''s face to be happy while he is so miserable. So wounded.

    I''ve tried to visit him a few times since we both got here but he turns me away every time. He''ll talk to Sara but... barely. I try to remember what Sara reminded me of the night I saw him for the first time since the attack. It''s not about me. His trauma isn''t mine and I can''t own it for him. That''s true, but that doesn''t mean it''s not my problem. He needs support but... seemingly not from me. I''m not sure what it is but he doesn''t want to be anywhere near me. It''s all I can do not to make a thousand guesses about a thousand of my failures as I struggle to sleep each night. But until he opens up, I won''t know.

    That said, soon we will have someone in a far better position to connect with him. Someone Sara may be able to help. After today''s delivery, we are finally bringing Leo''s mentor to him. It''s taken some work to get to her as a few things went wrong with my plan. Rather than the disorder and infighting I was expecting, the nobility is stronger than ever. Godfrey must have been working behind the scenes from my very first move. My stupid story about bandits on the road was too poorly researched. I should have asked Autumn and August for more details; if I''d trusted them earlier maybe it would have taken Godfrey longer to catch on.

    In any case, he rallied the nobility far too quickly. To make matters worse, he''d apparently been keeping a close eye on anything I bought from very early. Almost all of my safe houses in the capital have been destroyed and the bit of Radiant Woods inside buried. I can hardly trust the ones that are still open either, in case they have been left that way intentionally. All this to say, Fuck. By which I mean, it has taken a great deal of effort to re-establish a safe route back into the city, and more to find Lady Renatus. But we will bring her to Leo soon.

    We just need to get through this delivery, a herculean task I''d much rather avoid. Because we are delivering supplies to the ''Kingdom of Endings'' they call it. The community most determined not to end the monarchy, but to supplant it. They aren''t the only community stubbornly hanging on to such ideas but they are one of the worst. I let everyone choose where they want to go when I get them out of Potestia, and the Kingdom of Endings largely attracted some of the wealthier families. Very few former slaves choose to live there so it consists mostly of previously upper-middle-class workers who got caught in the new wave of labor replenishing laws.

    This will go one of two ways, broadly speaking. Either they are going to start trying to limit who can leave their community and forcing people to bow to them, ultimately getting a backhand, or they won''t and I have nothing to worry about. Of course, a tiny monarchy without any actual authority will collapse in maybe ten minutes, but they remain part of a wider support network. The people will be alright in either case. Right now, however, they insist I am their monarch. This is just a huge headache for me more than anything. It is, at least, a manageable headache, however. Something to focus on so I don''t spiral while thinking about my friend.

    "Hey, Sara," I call and she jumps, squeaking a little in surprise. "I don''t suppose I can introduce you as my fianc��e?" I ask. Her face transcends red as she starts spluttering in response.

    "F-Fianc��e??" She stutters, "Annie, that''s a bit... I''m just... I don''t know if I..."

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    "Oh relax," I laugh, "I''m not asking you to marry me. I just want to avoid meeting whoever they try to spring on me this time. If they know I''m courting you, maybe they won''t ride me so hard about marrying random generic man number forty-two." She reveals a small self-satisfied smile when I say I''m courting her, but still protests the idea.

    "Uh, but don''t they want to marry you because they are so attached to how Potestia does things? Wouldn''t courting a woman just... upset them more?" She counters and I groan.

    "Yes, yes it would. That''s kinda why I want to do it, truth be told. Sometimes grumpy, stubborn, power-hungry people deserve to feel appalled and powerless to do anything about it, you know?" I suggest and she gives me an amused side-eye.

    "Do you really think that''s a good idea?" She asks.

    "I think it''s a fucking great idea, to be honest," I confirm and she chuckles before looking at me a little shyly and pressing two fingers together nervously.

    "I mean, I don''t exactly mind if you introduce me as you f- your fian- your partner," she stammers, "but you know it''s only going to make this visit harder." I don''t like it, but she is right. At least she was adorable while shattering my dreams.

    "Fiiine, but if they try to hook me up with the eyebrow guy again, I''m sending him your way," I threaten and her face pales.

    "Annie, don''t you think I spent more than my fair share of time tangled up in time and space-defying bushes?" she pleads and I choke a little on the laugh that rushes to meet the joke.

    "Alright, alright! I won''t subject you to further misery," I promise. By this time, the little town is in view and I release a deep, beleaguered sigh as I see a man in makeshift armor standing at a wood gate with a spear. Who are they even guarding against? There is no one out here and they live on an island. As I pull the large cart close enough to make out the man''s face, I see him regarding me with horror. I''m fairly certain there is nothing on my face, so I have to assume he is surprised by how much weight I am pulling. I return his shock with a look of confusion. Most of the people living in all of these communities have either seen me in combat or are close to someone who has. It shouldn''t be that shocking that I lift, so to speak.

    The truth of his contorted expression sours my mood as soon as it comes to light. "How dare you allow the queen to act as a... a beast of burden!" he reprimands Sara, spittle flying from his quivering lip as he lectures one of the women responsible for his continued freedom. Sara and I share a brief look, then shrug together.

    "I don''t know what queen you are talking about, but I''m happy to stop being her ''beast of burden.'' I have walked for miles and my feet are hurting. Care to take over?" I offer. He begins to deflate a little as he looks at the overloaded cart behind me, but he sets his jaw in determination.

    "Do I have your leave to abandon my post and aid you in this, Your Majesty?" he asks. I look at him as if confused for a moment, then over at Sara. I let go of the handle for the cart so I can point at her and she shakes her head.

    "I think he''s talking to you, Lily," she clarifies and I point at myself then tilt my head as if asking the man for confirmation. His face begins to turn a little red.

    "Yes, Your Majesty, I am of course referring to you. I would be happy to carry your burden for you, with your permission to leave my post," he reiterates and I cross my arms and lean back against the cart.

    "I think this guy might be losing it, talking to people who aren''t here. Come on Sara, we have a delivery to make," I dismiss before grabbing the handle again. The guard grits his teeth and grips his little spear in frustration.

    "Lady Lillith, please allow me to leave my post so I can carry the supplies for you," he insists in an artificially calm voice.

    "It''s just Lillith, but thanks. As far as I''m concerned you can go wherever your little heart desires bud. If you want to give me a break, I''m happy for the help," I agree before releasing the handles again and stepping aside to allow him to take my place. He eyes the large cart nervously then begins to walk toward it. He pauses awkwardly then turns around to lean his spear against the wall before approaching again, this time with free hands. I just watch him patiently as he grabs the handle and begins to push. I have to hold back a laugh as his boots slide through the dirt and the cart stubbornly maintains its position.

    He grunts loudly and pauses, rubbing his hands together, taking a deep breath, and throwing himself into the handle again. Again, it fails to move. Even on wheels, it is far too heavy for him to move at all. "I have a friend that can help you out if that''s too heavy?" Sara offers innocently and I cover up my laugh with one hand. Her delivery is the picture of the polite femininity he might expect but the implication is clear. Although it''s a less... direct approach to mockery I still wonder if I am rubbing off on her or if the snark was always buried in there somewhere. Either way, the poor man is growling and sweating in a renewed effort by the time I stop him.

    "Alright sport, that''s enough. We have an appointment I can''t miss later and I don''t have time to watch this forever. In the future, if you see me pulling a cart, assume it is because I want to be pulling a cart and leave my girlfriend alone, please," I request. The desperate man tries to push a few more times before finally giving up. He looks like he is going to snap at me but, to my immense irritation, he bites his tongue. Not to avoid being an asshole, but because he still thinks I am in charge of him. The clearly embarrassed guard rushes to bring up a new subject to distract from his failure.

    "Uh, the uh, stewards have requested you bring the supplies to the palace today, so they can distribute them appropriately," he says and I narrow my eyes. Then I look across the community. I can see every building from the entrance.

    "Palace? I don''t see anything like that. It''s a pretty small town, guy," I question and he looks sheepishly to the side.

    "The uh, two-story house on the east end," he clarifies and I give him a blank stare.

    "Right, I''m going to distribute supplies from the center of town as usual. If your ''stewards'' have questions, they can find me there," I dismiss before retaking my position and pushing the cart forward. "Those jackwagons better not mean what I think they do by ''distribute appropriately''. Palace my ass," I mutter to myself as Sara curtsies to the man.

    "Thanks for the help," she says as he looks away. She then catches up to me. "So, what''s a ''girlfriend''? she asks and I smirk a little as we make our way to the center of the small, new town.

 Chapter 2 - The Stewards

    "I''m sorry, I just don''t understand what you mean, you sound insane" Sara argues, confusion coloring her face as we pass out different supplies from the center of the small town. Unlike the cities of Potestia, resources aren''t conveniently, and suspiciously, growing in abundance a little ways from the town walls. Rather, all resources aren''t. These communities are a little more like one might expect, with different flora, fauna, and minerals being easier to find in different places.

    Sara gives us a huge advantage in the short term, as we can share these resources extremely quickly. This means, unlike on Earth, we can expand in a lot of places at once without travel-based infrastructure. This eliminates a huge number of problems any society might have in supporting itself but... it''s not sustainable. Currently, travel, trade, and communication all rest on Sarafyna''s shoulders. Without her, it all collapses. And these idiots want to call me queen? I''m just the punchy girl; if I die these people survive. If something happens to Sara... well she is far more important than I am. Of course, many societies give authority to the punchy people and blue-collar wages to the important ones, but it still feels less than self-aware.

    In any case, this means we can''t plan long-term. I''m not sure how long someone like her will live, but you can''t build a society around one person and hope for the best. Even if she manages to share her abilities like the Collector, or Radiant Woods maybe, it''s still far from the society I hope to build. We need people to be able to move around freely without a specific person controlling their travel. I don''t want acceptable forms of trade to be ones Sara or I agree to. I want trade to be so easy that anyone can do it. Fortunately, magic exists. With knowledge being spread and advancement encouraged, I''m hoping to discover a workaround in the coming years. This reminds me that I''d like to visit Clarrise once we''ve retrieved Leo''s mentor and I''ve gotten a better sense of the state of Visenar.

    For the time being, however, we have to rely on Sara. This is another problem. Sara wants to help me fight. She knows the fighting isn''t done and she is perhaps the only person I can trust on all fronts to watch my back. I want her to stay in safety for her own sake and because she is too important. We''ve had a few discussions about this that weren''t quite heated but the angels didn''t descend from the heavens to praise our harmony and cooperation either. Fortunately, this is not what we are currently arguing about. Not here with all these people coming to collect the steel, clay, and ingredients we brought. No, the only entity nearby that might understand Sara and I''s current argument is the Radiant Woods.

    "I understand I haven''t seen the story but it''s nonsense. If he isn''t a girl, and he isn''t a Gilmore, how can this ''Kirk'' be the best Gilmore girl?" She asks again and I sigh.

    "I don''t know Sara. All I can tell you is, he indisputably is. Maybe, someday we''ll find a way to show you and you''ll understand." We get a few odd looks as we continue the now forty-five-minute discussion, but we never get the chance to finish as the two extremely irritated women march toward us like mothers preparing to use our middle names.

    "Your Highness, what is the meaning of this?" the shorter woman demands, crossing her arms and tapping one foot. "I had thought it was clear we would be deciding on the distribution of goods from the palace from now on?" I give her an appraising look before crossing my own arms.

    "So you are one of these ''stewards'' I take it? Well if by, ''made it clear'' you mean the goofy ass with the pointy stick told me where you wanted it, yeah, I''m aware. I just don''t really give a shit," I retort, "and I''d prefer you didn''t call me ''highness''. Unless we can find a spot where some fucking weed grows, the term has nothing to do with me." I see Sara begin to raise a question so I answer it, diverting my attention from the severe women for a moment. "Weed is kinda like green mist but better for cramps. I''ll tell you about it later."

    "How are we supposed to get anything done if we just throw supplies around randomly," The second woman protests, throwing her arms up in exasperation. I''m about to tell her to screw off but I realize, in a way, she is right. I have a tendency to just assume the community that wants to start up a new monarchy is just doing stupid shit, but perhaps I was a little rash. I probably should have gone to the supposed ''palace'' just to see what they meant first. I''m just... not good at this part. This is what happens when people rely on the punchy girl too much.

    So I sigh, "You''re right, uh..."

    "Rebecca," she answers and I nod.

    "You''re right Rebecca. Organization is good. A few people helping distribute things and organize labor is why most people are doing well outside of Potestia. You are obviously the organizers here, it was wrong to just ignore that. I apologize. Please, explain to me what your plan is for distribution, I''ll try to be more amiable in the future," I allow, and the two women straighten up a bit. They share a quick look, and the first woman clears her throat before speaking.

    "These resources are limited on the island and therefore carry inherent value. To establish a proper societal order, we first need to draw a line between the new nobility and the lower-" she begins and I interrupt her with feigned puking noises.

    "No. Absolutely the fuck not," I respond. "These were shared freely by other communities, we are not using them to establish a fucking caste system!" I was right that I shouldn''t have come straight here. I need to let organizers organize. But I was also right that the people suck.

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    "You told us it was up to us how to build this city!" The woman protests, "Well we have chosen a kingdom and a queen," she insists, setting her jaw and staring her down. We stare at each other, both completely certain the other is contradicting themselves. A million responses climb up my throat and stumble over each other, leaving me quiet for a moment. Finally, I rub my temples with one hand.

    "What was your name?" I ask.

    "April," she answers and I nod, then look at the crowd around us.

    "Alright April. You are right, in a way. You are all welcome to choose a leader, in whatever manner you think is right. Maybe you have people volunteering to play the role of ''commoner'' so you can have your nobles. I doubt it, but maybe you do. But the society you grew up in maintained that system in ways that I will end if I catch so much as a whiff of them. So I''ll bring these supplies to your ''palace'' next time, but keep that in mind. I''m really only good at one thing here, and you put it in the name of your ''kingdom.''" I say. April looks down her nose at me.

    "I''m from Satusmor, you know. I''ve seen firsthand how your way of doing things ends, you self-righteous bitch," she scoffs. I guess she took my request not to call me ''highness'' to heart. Suddenly Sara steps forward carrying a storm in her eyes.

    "Excuse me?" She demands while stepping between April and me. Her body language is more combative than I have ever seen. I haven''t seen this side of her much and can''t help but be a little charmed at how defensive of me she is. "What kind of stupid-" she starts but I hold a hand up.

    "Woah there, Sara, I think we know how a fight between the two of you would go. Be easy on her, imagining a new world is hard before you''ve seen it," I placate and Sara gives me a sharp look before realizing what she is doing. Her brain catches up with her body as she looks at me, then her face turns bright red, and like the flip of a switch, she is back to her regular self.

    "I uh... I''m... I have to..." she trails off before stepping backward a bit awkwardly. This is just as charming as the outburst in a different way, and as she hides her face in her hair I smile, the bite of the woman''s remark completely fading.

    "You''re not stupid, April. My girlfriend here is a little defensive of me." April wasn''t stupid. Sara heard the story of Satusmor as just that. A story. She was on the outside, with all the context and framing she needed to understand what happened. Anyone who learned about it that way and considered it evidence that we need a king or queen, or any authority would indeed have to be stupid. But that''s not her. She only had her lived experiences. All she saw was the resulting violence. I tried to help people share resources, knowledge, and each other''s services.

    Sharing knowledge and resources, on its own, is obviously not a moral failing destined for disaster. It was the power that was denied to the monarchy and the church that was the problem. It failed because it happened inside the monarchy. The system in place was still an authority-based one, and it was the point of failure. Outside of that system, with the church and their fucking confessions, and the guards hunting people for their knowledge, it''s just... sharing. Does it need organization? Yes. Is Satusmor evidence we need a queen, king, or any other authority? I guess in the same way bloody gums are evidence flossing is bad.

    But, when someone has only ever seen one way to live, it''s hard to sell them on a new one. So yeah, Satusmor is clear evidence of the flaws in the system this woman wants and, with all the context, it''s moronic to use it as the opposite. But she doesn''t even believe the church has been brainwashing people. I can''t argue sense into her. All I can do is give everyone options and prevent coercion, and the ''Kingdom of Endings'' will collapse all on its own. It just isn''t how I usually do things and it''s hard to default to it. "Look, this isn''t worth arguing about. I''m just warning you, if people are coerced, I will give them other options. So if this is what you want, think of a way to do it without coercing people. And for Christ''s sake, choose someone else as your fucking monarch. I''m not taking the job.

    She huffs and Rebecca answers for her. "We have chosen our queen." I roll my eyes.

    "Then as queen, I dissolve the monarchy," I quip. They share an awkward look.

    "Only the King can dissolve the monarchy, Your Majesty," April answers tersely. I narrow my eyes. Maybe Sara had the right idea because slapping them is looking pretty tempting.

    "So you insist I am a queen, but I can''t choose not to be queen, only a king can do that? Can I do anything?" I question, genuinely curious.

    "Potestia was never ruled by a queen," April answers, "So the Stewards will govern until a King assumes the throne." I give her a blank stare. We are all quiet for a moment, and I hear Sara innocently whistling from somewhere behind the cart. I look up and down at the two of them.

    "Are you two not women?" I ask. At their offended looks, I discern that they do, in fact, consider themselves women.

    "We are women, but we are simple stewards moving things along until you marry, at which point the King will take control," Rebecca explains. Fuck it, whatever, I don''t care. "Speaking of which, there is a gentleman we''d like to introduce you to. My son Jin has invited you for a preliminary meeting, if you''d be so kind as to visit the palace tonight he-" I walk off in the middle of her sentence and pull the embarrassed Sara back out, hold her face in my hands, and kiss her. Rebecca stops explaining her invitation and both women gape at me. In fact, everyone gapes at me.

    "You''re not getting a king by picking someone to put in my bed, alright," I announce while Sara looks around, dazed. "And if one queen can''t do anything, neither can two. Now if you don''t mind loading this cart up with various delicious citrus fruits, we''d like to get back home. We have more important shit to do in Visenar tonight, and as you can see, a blind date with your son is unlikely to get anyone anywhere." I turn back to Sara and we walk to the front of the cart.

    "Lily that was..." Sara trails and I lean against the cart.

    "Well, I couldn''t help it. They were being annoying and you were being cute. Both situations called for a common action. That was a very impressive two seconds of confidence, you should lean into that more," I suggest. Sara covers her eyes with both hands in embarrassment.

    "I don''t know what got into me. That was so embarrassing," she complains and I smile. Her presence really does make all this more bearable. If only I could bring her tonight. I have a feeling my trip is going to be far more dangerous with Godfrey in charge of the knights.

 Chapter 3 - The Quiet Capital

    "What''s wrong?" Sara asks as we rest inside her old cave. None of our safe houses in Visenar can be considered safe anymore, even if Sara can reach them, so she brought me here instead. It''s the only place near the city that we visited regularly and Godfrey wouldn''t have known about.

    I take a deep drink of water from the skin on my waist and sigh. "I''m just... struggling, I guess," I answer half-heartedly. "Back on Earth, this part was never my job. Organizing I mean. I can''t help but feel like I am just.. entirely inadequate. Back in that sad little ''Kingdom'' I could feel the limits of my abilities. Worse, I could feel the temptation to overstep. Even now part of me wants to just, roll up my sleeves and mold them into something more... palatable. But..."

    "But that would just be the same as what they are already doing," Sara finishes for me and I nod. She looks down in thought for a moment. The quiet has begun to settle on my shoulders by the time she speaks again. "I know even less about this than you do Annie. I''ve only known two lives before you and neither treated me well. So I don''t know how you can do better but, for what it''s worth, I think you are doing great. I''m not the only one whose life is better now. Maybe it''s alright to take your hands off all the way."

    "I want to. I really do. That''s the end goal, after all. I just... worry. It''s a lot of change for a lot of people in only a few years. And It''s all on your shoulders right now. It''s unstable and a place like the ''Kingdom of Endings'' could push the whole thing over. So I want to stand out of the way of the people holding these communities together, but I worry. What if I do, and these ''stewards'' start stepping on the bodies of people I tried to help? What if I ignore them entirely and in a hundred years we have a new Potestia? My ideas can work perfectly, on the first try, in nine out of ten places but if that last one is a group of conquerors, they are all in danger.

    "It''s just... it''s all a house of cards right now. And I am not a person with a gentle touch. I just don''t want to destroy everything, Sara. I''m scared I''m going to leave this place worse off than I found it," I admit. She looks at me like a warm fire on a cold night.

    "Annie, you are amazing, alright?" Sara responds, "You are carrying too much. You told me yourself; you don''t know if you are right about the best way to build a new world. Neither do I. That''s okay. But you have given a lot of brilliant people the opportunity to come up with their own ideas. Don''t torment yourself that not every town looks like you imagined it. You are going to go mad, letting people build their own futures and marking it as a failure every time that looks different than you think it should. Maybe, instead of second-guessing yourself whenever someone else makes a decision you don''t care for, you can start thinking about your own future? About our future?"

    She''s right, of course. This whole plan wasn''t structured around realizing the exact world I always wanted but about giving people the option to imagine their own. And it''s working. But it''s not easy, having the power to direct people in the direction I want and refraining, especially when I hate the direction they choose so much. I can share my ideas, but letting people ignore them is grating. I suppose that''s normal, but... I sigh. She is right. I need to make up my mind and commit to my own damn plan. I take another drink of water before standing up. It''s time to go. "Thanks, Sara," I reply with a half-smile. "It''s a lot harder than I thought it would be, that''s all. I should probably get going."

    "Are you sure you''ll be alright on your own?" She asks and I pause. The lie I want to respond with rests eagerly on my lips but I don''t free it. Instead, I take a deep breath. I''m in a relationship with this woman now, and there is no room for comfortable dishonesty.

    "No. I don''t know what else Godfrey has done to prepare for me. He''s far more competent than his brother. I have no idea what is waiting for me in that city. But I have to find out. I may not be alright without you. But I know everyone else won''t be. Everyone I love, every good thing I have ever done, still needs you, Sara. So I''d like to go alone," I answer. I can see the lines of worry drawing themselves on her face, but she gives me a tight nod. "I''ll keep you updated with my whisper sphere. I''ll see you soon, Sara."

    I stand to go, and just before I leave the cave, she speaks again. "Come back safe, Annie. I need you," she whispers. I look back at her and offer a full-mouthed smile before turning and walking into the night. I have to use heat mana to warm myself as I put on my radar goggles and walk through the quiet. A deep anxiety tries to strangle me with every step. My own footfalls ring in my ears as the large city wall grows nearer.

    Something doesn''t feel right. I''m not sure this city ever feels right, actually, but tonight feels like a poorly mounted painting. The tilt bothers me in a way I can''t quite describe. I push through anyway. It''s not safe to leave Lady Renatus on her own, and Leo needs her. It was no secret Leo and I were friends, and while pretty much everyone who cared is dead, I don''t want to risk leaving her in the city any longer than I have to. I can''t shake the feeling of wrongness, however, and have gooseflesh by the time I reach the tunnel I have been working on for the last few weeks.

    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

    I descend into the dark to make my way under the wall. My plan is to eventually have a full network of tunnels under the city where we can grow more patches of Radiant Woods to travel between. For now, however, it only leads to one spot. A room on the first floor of the tavern I had rented while living here. I''d used my radar goggles to wait until its occupant checked out before emerging and booking it for myself. Now it is my only way into the city. I emerge in the quiet room and sigh. It''s so... quiet.

    I hear the door creak in the quiet hall as I emerge from the room. It sounds like a scream in the dead air. I feel self-conscious as I enter the more public dining area and find it empty. Now I know something is wrong. It''s night, but it''s not that late, and I''ve never seen this room empty. My hackles rise as I immediately worry I''ve walked into a trap but as I reach for my mana I feel the familiar flow like water in a hose. Even more, I feel the weight of the grief mana that has grown so familiar over the years. Especially with buried patches of Radiant Woods all over the city, I would know if I were in a mana dispersal circle targeting me.

    This means that whatever is happening, it''s not about me. I walk, heel to toe, through the dark tavern and sniff the air. It smells like fire. I lower the radar lenses on my goggles and look around. It seems the tavern isn''t empty, exactly, but the huddled figures in each room tell a story of fear. People aren''t missing, they are hiding. This realization tastes sour and I tense. But I have a job to do, so I keep moving. Every half-rotted floorboard announces my presence and I grit my teeth as I reach the front and open the door.

    The smell of fire climbs my nostrils and pricks at me. The night air remains mostly dark, however, lacking the orange glow I expected to accompany the scent. Whatever is burning, it''s not nearby. I take a deep breath and take a step outside. Still, nothing happens and I grow more confident as I walk through the city. I make it nearly three hundred yards, past the familiar brothel and the run-down restaurants, before I feel it. My radar goggles blink out and the colors I have grown used to are replaced with simple glass. At the same time, a massive weight slides off my shoulders like rain, running down my body and pooling beneath my feet. The grief mana is gone. I am inside a dispersal circle.

    The muscles in my body tense and adrenaline floods me, my vision sharpening and my mind racing. I think it''s exactly what I feared and I''m being ambushed again. My eyes dart from dark alley to dark alley, straining to catch any sign of movement to react to. I take a step backward and my mana returns, nearly drowning me with the force of its arrival. I gasp and look around. That doesn''t make sense. If it were an ambush they would wait until I was near the center before completing the circle. It''s too easy to flee otherwise. I kneel down but can''t find any sign of the circle on the ground. I can''t find where it is drawn.

    I look around again and realize something isn''t quite right. I didn''t notice through the lights of the radar, but there is a subtle difference in the city right where the circle starts. The lighting is different. Warmer. I look behind me at the street lights and realize what it is. I didn''t notice before, since where I have been living everyone uses light mana and enchantments. But when I lived in Visenar, the poorer quarters only used oil lamps. But every light I have passed has instead housed an enchanted stone. Except inside the circle.

    This tells me two things. This circle isn''t targeted. Well, it probably does target me, since standard mana remains active inside, but it''s not one circle where they knew I would be. This circle has been here a while. A safe place to fight me. And it''s probably not the only one. Godfrey must have these all over the city. It''s not a terrible idea. It limits my movements in a way. If I avoid these circles, Godfrey can patrol a smaller portion of the city. Considering recent manpower shortages, that could be a huge boon for him.

    It also tells me the city is beginning to rely more on magic to combat its labor shortage. If even the poor quarter is using magic to light itself, Godfrey must be leaning on it. That''s a good thing for the residents but could be a headache for me. On the other hand, it''s probably one of the reasons the entire city isn''t surrounded by a single dispersal circle. I sigh again. This trip is already more stressful than I''d hoped and I haven''t even seen anyone yet. After a moment of indecision, I step into the circle again. I lose most of my combat power and my early warning system, but I decide Godfrey is less likely to have these areas actively patrolled. I still have my strength and speed, and being less predictable is worth more than my spells right now.

    I feel naked as I creep toward the noble quarter. I don''t like feeling so vulnerable. Godfrey isn''t going to be as easy to throw around as his little brother was, and I don''t have help, nor am I in the Radiant Woods. But I can''t give up. As the run-down homes give way to mansions and estates with extravagant gardens, I thank the stars my heart doesn''t beat. If it did, it would surely give my position away with the noise. The night sky begins to glow orange and I realize I am getting closer to the source of the fire smell. Finally, I arrive at the Renatus estate. It is directly in the middle of one of the many dispersal circles I have passed through to get here which isn''t encouraging.

    I also haven''t encountered a single other person the entire time. Whatever is happening, it has people worried. I examine the large home from a distance for a while but don''t see or hear anyone. Hesitantly, I circle around to the back of the building and climb up the trellis. Still, there isn''t a sound. I slowly push a window on the second floor open and climb inside. I''m careful to remain quiet as I enter the dark room. I miss my radar spell more than ever as I finally see movement.

    A man, dressed entirely in navy blue, emerges from the darkness. He has a mask on, but his body language is amused. My breath catches. I fucking knew it. Someone is waiting for me.

 Chapter 4 - Guards and Wards

    My shoulders slump in exasperation. I knew it was possible Godfrey would connect me to the Renatus house, especially with how closely he had apparently been watching me. The dispersal circle surrounding it was unlikely to be a coincidence either, but it didn''t change anything. I had to try either way. Still, it''s irritating to find someone waiting for me. It''s been weeks and there is clearly something more important going on right now. Surely Godfrey can''t have every place I might go staked out all the time like this? Not considering how many guards and knights have died over the last few years.

    "I don''t suppose you''d be happy to just let me walk by?" I venture. The man doesn''t speak but he crosses his arms and his mana flares. As my worry flares so does his aura and I groan audibly. This man is either anxious enough to manifest worry mana, or he is a bard. "Seriously, do we have to do this right now? I still have a couple of aching joints from kicking your king''s ass. I swear I won''t tell anyone if you just take a nap. It''s not like I have Godfrey''s phone number," I suggest but he starts to form a spell. It looks like fire mana. I''m about to jump out of the way when I realize there is something off about the spell.

    Instead of dodging, I surround myself in a wide sphere of unaspected, colorless mana. As the fire and heat of his spell collide with the wavering air of my magic, it dissipates. It was an amateur fire spell made of pure mana. This is the worst way to cast any kind of spell because mana can dissipate itself. It also takes a lot to cast it. Summoning some kind of fuel for it and only using mana for the ignition is typically far more effective and efficient, and I wouldn''t have been able to stop it so easily. I narrow my eyes and try to measure my opponent''s aura. It seems to adjust with my curiosity. It doesn''t intensify but its nature feels different. This man seems to be a bard but... he''s much weaker than the last one.

    Weaker and less experienced. I notice his fists clench and he starts summoning something with what looks like wood mana with its tannish brown tint and green undertones. Less experienced and less original. He has no particularly unique mana so far, and as his spell completes I am a little taken aback by the result. He holds a simple wooden spear. I look around the room a bit. It''s small, with little room for broad attacks. I love a good spear but it''s an odd choice for the environment. "Are you, uh... sure about that?" I ask, but he lunges at me instead of answering. I quickly dodge to the side and the spear gets caught in the curtain.

    He holds a hand out to me while wrestling with his spear in the other. Since he telegraphed his attack I have pure mana rushing to crush it before I even see the red fire energy. I expect to succeed before any fire forms, but it is unusually fast. Another look back at the man''s aura and I realize why. My worry has shifted to open amusement which has affected the intensity of the bard''s magic. Even so, he remains weaker than me, even without an endoaspect on my side. If I could cast an actual spell I''d already have him restrained. As I silently reprimand myself, I kick the legs out from under a nearby stool and grip one broken end in my right hand.

    Just in time, I lift the makeshift shield and block a thrust from the newly freed spear. Two more jabs rapidly aim for my side, then face. I redirect the first with my free hand and block the second with the shield. The man actually seems fairly competent with the weapon now, and I begin to understand the choice to use it. Before I lower the stool from my face, a red glow behind it reveals another fire spell. The jab at my face effectively obscures my vision for long enough for him to cast it, but I am able to dissipate the mana before it reaches me just by overpowering it. My brave little stool isn''t so lucky, however. The spell leaves it burning with a more natural flame.

    It''s the bard''s turn to look amused, an impressive feat with a mask on. His body language broadcasts arrogance and I roll my eyes in the brief pause and throw the burning stool at his head. He startles and tries to raise his spear to block it, but the idiot failed to protect his weapon from his own spell. The burning stool collides with it and it splinters, sparks flying in all directions. Both the stool and bits of spear hit him in the head and he speaks for the first time.

    "Fuck," he grunts under his breath. He looks up at me like he wants to yell something he really shouldn''t say in front of a lady as refined as myself, but I''m already throwing a small makeup mirror at him. Just after his eyes meet mine again, kindling a spark in my memory, the steel base collides with his nose, making a sickly crack sound. In the meantime, the reckless fire spell has set other things in the room ablaze. My opponent glares at me, one hand covering the blood staining his blue mask. The fire spreads and crackles as the heat bears down on us. I''m about to find something else to throw, but the bard makes a decision and throws himself out the same window I''d used to enter.

    I have something of an arm on me, even a quick throw without all of my strength must have hit pretty hard. I consider pursuing but looking at the burning room I decide against it. He could be going for help and Lady Renatus could be sleeping in the burning building. I had briefly worried she wouldn''t be here at all, but the man''s level of competence has me questioning things. There is no way Godfrey thought someone like that could do anything to me. If he did leave people guarding every spot I might visit, it would be more effective to go and get help when they spotted me. This man seemed... eager to fight me.

    It''s true a bard''s endoaspects make them dangerous but his base mana seemed weaker than expected and he used it like a blindfolded child with a flamethrower. The spear was the only thing he had any chance with, and he ran pretty easily. I''m not certain his presence had anything to do with me at all, and if it did it''s unlikely he was following Godfrey''s orders. That entire exchange left me more confused than anything. It was very strange. But I don''t have time to consider it. The fire and the fleeing man put me on a tighter schedule and I have to do what I came here for. I kick the door to the room open and enter a quiet estate.

    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

    Dust covers the various artwork and furniture, and I begin to worry no one lives here until the large double doors down the hall burst open and the woman herself emerges in a flowing nightgown, her wide eyes examining me with growing panic. "Lady Renatus?" I ask to confirm and she takes a step back.

    "W-who are you?" she stutters and I hold my hands up to indicate a lack of hostility.

    "My name is Lillith of Endings. I''m here to help," I answer. Like the flip of a switch, she immediately straightens up and gives me a quick nod. She disappears into her room and emerges a moment later with a loaded bag and a shawl wrapped around her.

    "Let''s go, take me to Leo," she says, calm and determination settling on her face as soon as she understands the situation. It is a huge relief that Leo prepared her for my visit before everything happened. I see her struggling to carry the heavy bag so I hurry to her side and take it, hefting the luggage over my shoulder. "Thank you, Lily," she says and I allow myself a small smile in the corner of my mouth at the nickname. Leo must have told her enough about me that I already seem familiar.

    "Lead the way," I say and she walks out in front of me, leading me through the neglected but rich halls and toward a split staircase and to the landing. I see she intends to exit through the main entrance and I stop her.

    "Wait, has anyone been with you here? Keeping an eye on you or expecting me?" I inquire and she shakes her head. "What about servants or staff, we can''t leave anyone behind," I add. It may be a bit difficult to get a full group through the city but most people seem distracted tonight.

    "No servants," she answers. "And no, It''s only been me here, since Leo disappeared. Is he... is he alright?" I almost don''t hear her question. There is no way someone knew to come here tonight specifically. Only Sara knew I was coming for Lady Renatus tonight. So who had that been? I''d have to gather more information in the future. It seemed like I was going to need to find out where these circles were being drawn anyway, and how to interfere with them. For now, I just redirect her.

    "Alright, do you have a servant''s exit at least? There was someone waiting for me when I got here. He could be back with help any second, I''d rather not leave through the front door," I request. She looks troubled that someone else had been in her home, but wastes no time.

    "Of course, this way," she agrees, and we go through a surprisingly clean kitchen, to a smaller door that leads out the side of the estate. I am cautious when opening the door, but the night is quiet outside. If the man I fought earlier is getting help, they aren''t here yet. Which means it''s time to leave. I clasp the older woman''s hand in my free one, and we make our way into the quiet city. We are silent for much of the trip. The tavern housing my tunnel is near the wall, and I circle around a bit in case I am being followed. I find it unlikely the buffoon I fought can follow me with any stealth, but someone else could.

    It''s not until I have put a panel of wood over the hole in the room and used a light spell to light our way that the woman finally speaks, nerves from the dark and damp environment causing her voice to waver only a little. "You... you never answered my question," she says and I tense up, knowing what is coming. "Is Leo alright?" she asks again. I stop walking and take a deep breath before turning and meeting her eyes.

    "Leo is... alive. He''s alive, healthy, and safe. But..." She sees the worry in my eyes and her face falls, guessing where I am going. I finish anyway. "No. He''s not alright. And I don''t know what to do for him. I think maybe only you will." My breath catches and I can see on her face that I failed to fully suppress the anxiety in my voice. She looks at me with the determination of a mother with an injured child.

    "Tell me everything," she demands and I nod. As we make our way back to Sara, I begin to tell her about Leo''s last night on campus. I see the sorrow and violence dance back and forth through her eyes as I tell her the story, and I''m comforted to find someone even more prepared to fight for Leo than I am. "Thank you," she finally says, almost inaudibly. I recognize the look in her eyes as she tries to process the story she just heard. I''ve seen it many times before, and as always, I cultivate a desperate hope that I''ll never have to see it again.

    <hr>

    Charlotte��s Journal

    As a child, I didn''t hide. I was always lonely. Always uncomfortable. Always wrong. Everything I did was wrong. The clothes I liked. The colors. Even the way I preferred to sit drew the ire of my father. I was always wrong. I liked the wrong games. The wrong friends. When I read the wrong books at twelve my father locked me out of the house and banned me from reading at all. When I introduced myself as Charles of Renatus instead of Charles Renatus he instead locked me in.

    I never understood it. Each time I found something I loved, or even liked, it felt like a weight off my shoulders. Like finally bathing and scrubbing dirt away after a hard day''s work. But my father would always drift in like a storm and put that pressure back. He would put it back and press harder. Over the years I''ve nearly forgotten his face, since his death. In my memories, that''s what he is. The dark clouds preceding a storm. The wind and the rain and the hail. The barrier between me and the warmth of the sun I craved so badly.

    I had to learn, each year a little more, where the balance was. Where I could bask in the sun and where I had to hide in the shade. I lived on that boundary, because it, however narrow, was the only place I could live at all. It was a razor-thin line I had to walk. Disdain and hate from my family on one side. Disdain and hate for myself on the other. So I learned. To dip my toes in the things I loved, and to pull my feet back when I felt the cold. As a child, I learned to hide.

 Chapter 5 - Safety

    I feel nothing but anxiety as we make it home. Lady Renatus, or Charlotte as she has asked to be called, has been preoccupied with Sara the entire way home. This is perhaps unsurprising, as Sara and I can help her actually transition in a way this world has likely never seen, and Sara is the key actor there. Although I am more likely to have the answers she is looking for, seeing as no one else even knows what hormones or chromosomes are. But I can''t focus on the conversation. For weeks I''ve put a lot of stock in finding Charlotte and bringing her home. She was the only person I could think of that could help Leo.

    We don''t exactly have therapists to go to, and I''m certainly not qualified to fill the role. Leo has never mentioned his family either. So Charlotte is my best bet. But now that I''ve actually managed to get her to safety, I can''t help but worry that it won''t be enough. No one should have to go through what Leo went through. The way he is coping with it... it''s not going to lead to anything good. I have been promising myself I had a way to help him; I just needed to get to his mentor. But now... It''s hard to describe. I have now done what is possible for me to do and I''m back to being helpless to fix it. I am not a woman who enjoys being helpless to make things better.

    As soon as we leave the beach and enter the settlement I know where Leo is. It was hard at first, with the Radiant Woods so near. That massive, ancient grief can be all-encompassing, like a fog horn on a quiet night. But over the weeks of getting used to it, I started to notice the small things again. The loneliness and the nostalgia. The quiet grief everyone, in every world, feels. These aches and pains have become as familiar to me as my own. In a way, they always were. But I now have a sixth sense for them. Leo''s is powerful and I can feel it from anywhere in the little town. It''s... naked. Like a vulnerability he never wanted to expose and a shame he doesn''t deserve. It carries with it a sense of wrongness and longing, each warring with a deep-seated fear.

    I carry my own shame with it whenever I feel it, which has made me hyper-aware of it. As such it takes little effort to lead Charlotte directly to him. The woman with me does draw more than a few looks and murmurs from the residents. Attention she shouldn''t have to be as numb to as she clearly is. A cold reminder that, however much progress we have made here, these are still people plucked out of an archaic, medieval world where those who don''t fit the mold are quickly ushered out of sight. No wonder Leo is presenting himself as a woman here. I bite into my lip as I approach the door to his home. I hold one fist up to the door to knock but it shakes. I have waited for fights to the death with calmer nerves than this.

    Sara puts one hand on my shoulder and I look back at her. We lock eyes for a moment, then I set my jaw and knock. It''s silent for a moment but, much to my chagrin, I can feel Leo''s grief tighten as soon as my knuckles hit the wood. I don''t know if he knows it''s me or if he just hates the idea of seeing anyone right now. "One moment," his voice calls through the door. It takes several minutes for anything to happen, which confuses me. He let us know he was there and it''s a small room, there should be little reason to delay so long. Then I feel it. His grief growing in intensity while settling into a familiar seat. It tastes like stagnant water. It''s clear then, what is happening. He''s getting dressed for company. He is alone and is likely dressed comfortably, for him.

    This is confirmed as he opens the door in a simple sundress. As soon as our eyes meet a mess of emotions splatter across his face like paint. The same old comfortable look of a friend, quickly colored by anxiety, disappointment, and finally irritation. Then he sees Charlotte next to me. His eyes widen before filling with tears. For Charlotte''s part, I don''t see her face right away, but I can feel a deep, throbbing grief emanating from her as soon as she sees the boy she has been looking after for so long. Wordlessly, the two embrace. For all the sorrow now coming from Charlotte, Leo''s has, if only for a moment, dampened. It''s been swallowed whole by relief and joy.

    I know it won''t last but it''s the first time anything has put so much as a dent in it. Finding Charlotte may not fix everything, but it sure as hell didn''t hurt. A moment later Charlotte withdraws and looks at Leo''s face. "Poor child," she whispers to him, "what have they done to you?" My chest hurts as I picture him, bloodied and broken the night I found him. It shouldn''t, my heart is as still as ever, but somehow the familiar throbbing feeling from my life as Annie still shows up.

    "I''m sorry, Charlotte. I wanted to finish school. I really wanted to show everyone what we could do... That you weren''t an idiot, or fool, or anything else. I tried, I did. I''m so sorry... I let you down" Leo began to sob while Charlotte shook her head.

    "No, Leo. No. You didn''t let me down. You were... you are so brilliant. I am more proud of you than anything I''ve ever accomplished. Don''t put this on your shoulders. I''m the one who failed you... I..." she trails off and suddenly I feel like an intruder. As Leo glances at me and Sara tugs on my shirt, I realize that''s exactly what I am. There is no room for me in this reunion.

    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

    "S-Sorry," I apologize before bowing my head slightly and turning to leave. The two need time, and privacy, to talk everything through. All I can do by staying is slow that down. I take a few steps to leave, but as I do I consider the looks Charlotte got on the way over. The proof that, even here, Leo can''t feel comfortable as himself. I turn to see him closing the door to his home. "Leo I-" I start and he pauses, looking at me. "I''m sorry I was so slow before. I should have been there sooner. I should never have let them lay a finger on you. But I will keep you safe here. I will."

    Leo lets a deep breath out through his nose and closes his eyes for a moment before looking at me with a small, sunken smile. "I know, Lily. I''m not angry you were slow. I''m not upset you didn''t stop them sooner. You did everything you could with the information I let you have. I am so grateful you showed up for me when you did. You have a lifetime of my gratitude, really, that''s not what I..." He has to take another deep breath as his voice starts to waver with the tell-tale signs of poorly fought-off tears. "I know you will keep me safe here. But... that''s the thing. I don''t want to feel safe because the great and magnanimous Lillith will save me. Not that I don''t want you to keep me safe, but... I don''t want to be the victim in your story. I don''t want to feel safe because you are there. I just want to feel safe because I am safe. Because I have nothing to fear. Can you understand that?"

    I open my mouth to respond but... I don''t have a good answer for him. So I shut my mouth and nod. He closes his door and I sigh. Sara rubs her hand against my shoulder. "Everything alright?" She asks and I nod.

    "Yeah," I respond, "the world is just too big. Too much. Sometimes its wounds feel too deep." My entire body feels sore. It hasn''t been the most exhausting day I''ve ever had but I must have expended too much emotional energy. I am exhausted and my vision is starting to blur if I don''t consciously focus.

    Sara doesn''t respond. She just walks with me back to my own home. I can see in the concerned wrinkles around her eyes that she has noticed my fatigue. She leads me to my room where she sits on a chaise and gestures me over. I curl up on the open spot and rest my head against her side for a moment, then slump over into her lap. She runs her hands through my hair. My hand hangs off the side and it''s not long before Suzume has found it and is using it to scratch her face. As Suzume rolls on her back and starts batting at my fingers, Sarafyna speaks. "It''s alright, you know. To rest. To let other people take a little of the burden. I know what it''s like, to live a life without rest or reprieve from worries. It changed more than my body. I don''t want to see that happen to you."

    Blackness edged at the corners of my eyes. She could be saying anything, the soft curve to her voice would have had the same calming effect. Instead of answering her, I released my weight and let her support me entirely. We were there for some time. I didn''t sleep, not yet. I was getting more from the moment than I could have from sleep. It must have been at least half an hour before I spoke again. "Leo is right, you know," I said. "He should be safe here, with or without me protecting him."

    "I know," she answered, her now still fingers beginning to move through my hair again.

    "I need Leo to be alright. I can''t build a new world where he still can''t be himself. I need this to be a safe place," I lament and she nods.

    "I know. Give it time. Charlotte is going to let us help her, maybe Leo will finally do the same. But for all of it, you have to give it time. Hearts won''t change overnight." Sara assures me and I groan.

    "It''s fucking stupid that it takes time," I answer and she chuckles.

    "Yes it is," she agrees, her free hand joining the first in my hair, around the other side of my head.

    "Are you... measuring my head?" I ask and her hands pause. She''s quiet for a moment as I roll over to look up at her face. She is blushing.

    "I... didn''t even realize I was..." she explains and I close my eyes while a silent laugh escapes my throat. Even subconsciously, Sara is Sara. Just as I am getting ready to stand and say goodbye so I can sleep for the night, a light illuminates my nightstand on the other side of the room. Sara frowns. "You are too tired, Annie. You don''t have to talk to him tonight," she nearly pleads but I shake my head.

    "I do. Every conversation is an opportunity, in more ways than one," I respond, resigned to the extra hour this is going to take. I pull myself to my feet and Sara starts playing with her own hair.

    "You need sleep. He can wait until tomorrow," she challenges and I smile.

    "I''m alright, I promise. Thank you for caring so much. But I have to. You can stay if you like," I offer. She simply shakes her head.

    "No, Dad and Peter will be wondering if I''m safe. I should see them. Just... don''t push yourself, alright?" She begs and I nod.

    "I won''t, I swear," I assure and she reluctantly nods before standing and leaving my room. Once she is gone, I wearily retrieve the whisper sphere before sitting at my writing desk. Suzume jumps into my lap and curls into a comforting ball. I center myself as I hold the sphere. Sara''s old sphere, the one tied to my old one. The sphere that I had carried when I was arrested. Finally, I answer, as I have several times a week since killing the king.

    "Hello again, Godfrey," I greet.

 Chapter 6 - Brands of Violence

    The glowing sphere resting on my writing desk conveyed a weary sigh from Godfrey. "Hello, Lillith" he greets as I scratch under Suzume''s chin.

    "You sound tired bud," I reply to a chuckle from the older man.

    "It''s been... a day," he responds. "Things are getting out of hand."

    "I did hear something about a fire over in Visenar. Near your house too. How did that come about?" I poke.

    "You heard, did you? With your vast network of spies, I''m sure. So what did you think of my recent additions? Those magic lamps really brighten the roads up, don''t they?" he asks and I click my tongue.

    "Their coverage seems a bit spotty, to be honest," I answer and he laughs.

    "Yes, well, someone cultivated bits of an ancient unknowable deity forest all around the city so we did need to make some tough choices based on that," he retorts and I scoff.

    "You literally worship the guy, how was I supposed to know he wasn''t allowed in town?" I ask.

    "You know, many priests were horrified at the disrespect you showed the Collector using his woods this way," Godfrey mused.

    I allowed myself a half smile as I responded. "Oh I''m sure they were. Rumor has it temple attendance has been a bit meager recently."

    "The head priest did go missing, it didn''t exactly inspire confidence in the church," Godfrey explains.

    "Oh he just got a little closer to God. The whole city did, in a way. What kind of church loses the faith of its followers when that happens?" I ask.

    "Speaking of, I don''t suppose you have my little brother kicking around somewhere out there?" he probes.

    "How many times do you think you''ll ask me that? Trust me, Godfrey, I''m the one knocking the crown off your head, not him," I promise.

    "Won''t that be fun? Still, something... came up. If you have him, bringing him back could help a lot of people." He responds idly.

    "I''m sure he''s wandering around the Radiant Woods somewhere," I reply, "Maybe you should head in after him. I''ll meet you there and help you look," I offer, and he rewards me with a humorless laugh.

    "I think I''ll have to decline. Seriously, Lillith. If he''s out there, I-" Godfrey begins but I interrupt him with a yelp as Suzume bites my fingers. I glare down at her, then realize what she wants as I look out the window and see the sun has long past set. Godfrey pauses what he is saying before asking a friendlier question. "Forgot Suzume''s treats again, huh?" he guesses.

    "Ugh, yes," I answer, "I just need to remember where I hid them."

    "Left drawer of your writing desk last time," he answers and I shake my head, although he can''t see it.

    "Nah, the genius little idiot figured out how to open the drawer. I got home one day to find the jar knocked over and empty, hold on," I answer before looking around my room. I find the jar of homemade treats on my bookshelf, hidden behind a collection of books I''d stolen from Godfrey once upon a time. I put three on the ground which Suzume happily eats while I return the jar. Finally, I go back to my desk. "Sorry about that. So what happened, what do you need the old king for? Seems like you would be... less than pleased if he showed up again."

    I hear Godfrey grumble something through the sphere but I can''t make it out. "Let''s just say, someone else is looking for him, and it would prevent a lot of violence if we could deliver," he answers. He sounds casual on the surface, but there is a slight hitch in his voice. I put my hand to my face and rub my lip while thinking. That was interesting, but I can''t help him.

    "I''m sorry, Godfrey, If it''s your brother you need, I genuinely can''t help you," I respond as empathetically as I can.

    "So he''s definitely dead then, I thought as much based on your past responses," Godfrey replies. "Can''t exactly say I''m sorry to hear it, truth be told. It would have been convenient if he wasn''t though." A book falls on the ground, startling me before I can respond. I glare at Suzume, who gives me a wide-eyed look of innocence as she sits next to the book she managed to remove from my shelf in her quest for more treats.

    I narrow my eyes at her before returning to the conversation. "What''s happening, Godfrey? Is this about that fire? Who wants the king, and more importantly, who is in danger?"

    There is a moment of silence before Godfrey responds, failing to answer the question directly. "Lillith, I need my people back." There is a serious and commanding, but also desperate edge to his voice. I sigh.

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    "Your people?" I ask and we move toward the same argument we have had half a dozen times now.

    "Yes, my people. The people born and raised in Potestia, who owe us their loyalty. The people we need to protect everyone you left behind," he snaps at me and I sigh.

    "Godfrey, no one owes Potestia loyalty. Especially not these people. You know that as well as I do," I counter.

    "I know this country has failed a lot of people, Lillith. I know. But how am I supposed to make things better without laborers? How are we supposed to move forward if everyone isn''t here to move forward together?" he challenges. "This is their home. They should be allowed to contribute to its future.

    In a way, he touches on the truth there. I can''t just move everyone away from the shitty monarchy and hope things get better. It is their home, and people shouldn''t have to leave their home for a better life. But they should be allowed to. "There are more people left in Potestia than I took away, Godfrey. If these ones were so important to moving forward, they shouldn''t have been treated as the least valuable members of society for so long."

    "I know that! I have always known that, that''s why I have been working to point us in a better direction! But that takes work. It takes time, and above all, it takes people. Like it or not, this country has been running this way for a thousand years, and we can''t kick the legs out from under it and hope for the best. It needs the support of its people until we can build something new. Fully trained and educated mages don''t pop up out of nowhere. I''m not trying to keep people in slavery, but we need to rely on their labor. We can''t start by removing the stone beneath our feet, however filthy it may be. We start by cleaning it up, and replacing it when we have something else to stand on," he lectures and I roll my eyes.

    "How old are you, Godfrey? How rich? How powerful? How long have you had the power to start ''cleaning it up''? How many people lived and died as slaves while you were waiting for the right time to give them a better life? A life not even half as comfortable as yours. You want me to tell you where people are so they can help you make it better? People who had to flee from your country just to live? People who were very likely born years after you first had the power to effect change? What happens now matters. I''m not going to let you drag them back to keep waiting on promises you didn''t even start working toward until they were already gone," I spit back.

    "The world isn''t so easy as that. It doesn''t matter how much power and wealth I technically have. There are too many people, too attached to the world as it is. You know what I mean, I know you do. If someone so much as offers a helping hand dozens of other people would have tried to stop me. They did stop me. They stole my mind and banished me to a bookshop in the countryside. I needed real power before I could change things, and I have that now!"

    "Do you, though? I fought with the last king. He was a joke. A moron. The very definition of aimless power. If he were the only one in your way, you would have held the throne decades ago. But he wasn''t. Do you think I haven''t been paying attention? The king, in order to hold power, needs the support of the other nobles. No powerful mage can rule this country alone. So what, your fancy gold hat changed things? Now they won''t resist when you take their comforts away from them? When their slaves come back and you don''t send them back? They''ll just shrug and say ''Well, if you say so your majesty.''? No. They''ll find a new king. The only reason you can push changes now is because those people are gone and your ideas are offering them some of their comforts back."

    "Maybe. Maybe, in the short term, what you have done has made this possible. I can acknowledge that. But we need to build something we can stand on, not just for a few years or a few decades. We need to build a foundation that keeps people safe for the coming centuries. And sudden, radical, and overly violent change isn''t going to do that. I don''t know how you have all survived this long, but it can''t last. Nothing bought through so much needless violence will unless you plan to stay around killing slavers forever."

    "What are you talking about? My method is a drop in the fucking bucket! My needless violence? You are the violent one. Yeah, I''ve killed a lot of slave owners. I''ve killed rapists too, and thugs who steal food from children. I''ve killed a lot. But I could do that for ten lifetimes and fall short of the violence of your method of change. I couldn''t dream of being so radical or fanatic. You can only say that because the things I do are visible. A single drop of guilty blood in the light will always look more extreme than eons of cruelty in the darkness. But leaving these people in slavery? Leaving everything as it is until it''s easier to change comfortably? That''s fucking extreme. That''s real violence, and your brand? It''s not only violent to the guilty. Calling what I did extreme is just defending slavery in a palatable way."

    "Flowery words, as usual, but it won''t change reality. It won''t change what is necessary for long-term change. You are just being selfish. Casting yourself as a hero while you lead people to their deaths. Do you think pulling people out of their homes and banishing them to who knows where is less violent than fighting smart and giving them a chance in civilization? It''s just instant gratification, Lillith. And it''s about you, not them. Now tell me where my people are so I can build this fucking kingdom into something worth believing in!" he shouts.

    The argument is getting heated, as it usually does, and we are getting to the point where I can usually get useful information out of him, but black begins to edge at my vision. "You don''t know what they are building, Godfrey, you have no idea what we are putting together. Just... Just seeing the slavers die and the people disappear isn''t... isn''t enough to make that call. If they wanted... to go... back..." I struggle to retort, "I would bring them... back." Something feels off. I feel more than tired, I feel sick. "In order to... build a better... world... people need... to... choose," I trail off, my voice growing weak as I collapse onto my desk.

    Suzume meows at me with concern. "Lillith? Lillith, what is going on? Are you alright? Lillith!" I hear Godfrey calling but I can''t respond. I can''t even move. All I can do is listen. I start channeling mana through my body, trying to reinvigorate myself but I don''t feel the usual rush like a powerful river. My stomach churns and I put all my strength into reaching for my other whisper sphere, the one I use to contact Sarafyna. It''s no use I can''t move. All I can do is listen to Godfrey and Suzume.

    For the first time in years, I feel completely helpless.

 Chapter 7 - Bedside Manner

    The world is hazy as I regain my senses. It takes me a moment to make sense of the blurred image hovering over me and I blink a few times before I make out black hair in a messy bun and red eyes, weighed down with concern. "Mom?" I ask through dry lips.

    "Oh thank the Collector, she''s awake!" Mom calls while looking over her shoulder. I want to look in the same direction but I feel remarkably weak. I can''t even lift my head at the moment. I feel a bit like waking up in the emergency room after a doctor takes too many blood samples. Mom wraps her arms around me, not unlike she once did after I escaped from a certain noble''s basement. "You scared me, Lily. Again. Are you alright? What happened to you? Did something happen while you were out?" I groan weakly into her shoulder as she grips me and she hurriedly releases me.

    "I''m just peachy," I respond in an entirely unconvincing whisper while closing my eyes again. "I don''t remember anything happening. Poi-" I start before pausing and looking up at my mother again. I promised not to sugarcoat things with her anymore, but the temptation is strong. "... Poison, maybe?" I guess, and the worry lines on her cheeks harden as her brows furrow. "I''ll be able to take a look in a minute I just feel..." I trail off as I see light shining through the window. "Uh, how long have I been out?"

    Mom opens her mouth to respond but another voice answers first. "About a day and a half. And Henry says he can''t find any signs of poison in your blood, although he has been working pretty much constantly testing it with all kinds of nonsense," Edward says as he walks in, beckoned by my mother''s earlier call. I didn''t even know Henry knew how to test blood for poison, although I have been a bit too... preoccupied to follow his advancements as an alchemist over the past few years. I look over at my other two brothers and wince at the tension in my neck.

    "Hey, Ed, Gil," I say as nonchalantly as I can.

    "Rise and shine, Lil," Gilbert answers, a slight hitch in his voice revealing concern behind a wide smile. "Why''d you have to go and sleep so long? You worried us. A bit."

    "How else would I stay so beautiful?" I ask and he smiles with one corner of his mouth.

    "Yikes, I''d hate to see what you look like with less sleep," Ed jabs and Mom waves a dismissive hand.

    "Hush Ed," she reprimands but I smile. There was a time when a similar joke would have irritated me but with our improved relationship of the past years, all the bite in the words had clearly vanished. It was more of the affectionate insult siblings expect from each other.

    "It''s fine," I reply, "I''d have a hard time seeing beauty past that nose of his too." Ed faked a gasp of offense and Mom stifled a chuckle but the levity didn''t last long.

    "Seriously, Lil, what happened? Sara found you passed out on your desk. Your drool had blood in it. And I haven''t seen you sleep this long since you were just a girl... are you alright?" Mom asks.

    "Give me a moment, I''ll take a look" I answer before closing my eyes and trying to cycle mana through my body.

    "Uh, take a look at what? Your eyes are closed, you look like you are going back to sleep," Gil asks. I wave one hand at him in a dismissive gesture.

    "Not a literal look you goon. Haven''t you been practicing with your own mana lately?" I reprimand without opening my eyes. Everyone is given access to a mana circle and support when they join this community, including my family, but Gilbert has failed to take any interest in learning how to use his. Too busy enjoying life I suppose. The silence in response to my question is answer enough. "Right. Well, a mage that actually likes learning magic can feel the parts of their body that contain mana. I mean a lazy mage can too, but with practice you become familiar enough to examine it. I''m trying to determine what''s wrong."

    "You haven''t been sick since you first learned magic... do you have any idea what it could be?" Mom asks.

    At the same time, Ed interjected "I have no idea what you are talking about. I practice with magic constantly, I can''t tell my toe from my dick."

    "Can anyone?" I quip and Ed clicks his tongue.

    "With mana I mean, shut up!" he protests and I smile. Gil and Ed start to make similar jabs at each other but I tune them out while I run mana through my body like water. Physically, I feel like shit but whatever stopped my mana from working properly last night is gone. I have full control and can easily examine myself for anything concerning. It takes almost no time at all to identify the problem. My blood runs cold and sweat starts to form on my head. I have to carefully police my expression.

    "Fuck." I say before thinking.

    "What? What''s wrong?" Mom pleads as I open my eyes.

    "I need Sara, now, where is she?" I ask instead of answering. Ed and Gil give each other a concerned look.

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    "She''s... gone," Gil reluctantly responds. "She was with you all night and most of the morning but..."

    "She had to help the other communities, right," I finish. Shit. I don''t understand how this happened. I''ve been keeping an extremely close eye on myself for years. I''ve had to since I''ve been altering my own body for so long. Yesterday, this problem didn''t exist. Or... two days ago? It doesn''t matter. Before Visenar I was fine. Whatever happened, it was recent. Which means its progress is far too fast.

    "What''s the issue, Lily? Is it dangerous?" Mom asks again and I grit my teeth.

    "I don''t know. Maybe. It depends on how much Sara can help me," I respond.

    "But... didn''t you say Sara''s abilities don''t work well on you? She couldn''t help you with your... modifications, right?" Mom worries.

    "She couldn''t, but she has successfully helped me heal injuries before. However her power works, there is a good chance she can fix this. In the meantime... I can handle it a little on my own. Gil, Ed, get Henry. I need his help." My brothers race each other out the door without question, leaving me alone with my mom.

    "Lily, what is it? I don''t think I''ve ever seen you this scared..." She asks one final time. I didn''t realize I was wearing it on my face but she''s right. With how severe this is and how quickly it developed, I am terrified.

    "I don''t... I don''t know how to describe it to you in a way that makes sense," I say after a few moments of quiet. "It''s a disease that... well my body is growing too much, on the inside. It can be extremely dangerous. Especially with how fast it appears to be growing, and especially where it''s growing. But it''s too soon to panic. Sara can probably get rid of it. I just have to keep it under control until then, and I can do that." I don''t actually know if Sara can help. I don''t know how this happened at all. But, if I redirect all the mana I was using to try and make new changes to my body to this, I can fight it off. Slowly.

    What''s strange is, Sarafyna and I examine and heal people all the time. Not once have I found anyone in this world with this problem. I''m sure it exists but most of its causes don''t. It seems to be even rarer here than it would have been on Earth at a similar time period. Then again, if cancer can manifest and grow this fast here, maybe no one else with it has survived long enough to meet me or Sara. That thought does not go to great lengths to calm my nerves as I try to use mana to eat away at the tumors. The largest one is near my spine, which explains my inability to move last night.

    It''s a miracle I woke up at all. As I carve away at it, trying to burn the useless cells up with pure mana, it''s clear it should have killed me. With the way I lost the ability to move, it must have been even larger at some point. Someone did something to make it shrink. Which is why I asked for Henry. It sounds like he took some blood, he may have given me something else as well. Sara may have managed to do something as well. I don''t know how divine magic works, and she usually needs my help, but it''s not impossible. I''m taking a deep breath, focusing on my hand, gripped tightly in both of my mother''s, when all three of my brothers burst through the door.

    "Lily, what''s wrong? Are you alright? What happened?" Henry interrogates. The panic in his eyes cultivates mine but I take another deep breath, keeping part of my mind focused on burning the tumors away.

    "It''s alright, but I need your help," I reassure, "Did you give me anything while I was asleep? Anything at all?"

    "Uh, y-yes," Henry replies, still out of breath from running here, then he rummages through a bag at his belt and pulls out an orangish potion. "It''s just for fevers, you were running hot last night... here." He goes to toss the potion to me, looks at my pallor, then walks close and puts it in my hand.

    "What is it, did it help?" Mom asks and I furrow my brow.

    "I don''t know. Maybe. I''ll have to examine it. In the meantime, I want to make a list of potions I want to try. Can you write these down Henry?" I ask.

    "I got it," Ed responds, rushing to my writing desk and pulling out a few supplies. He pauses when he sees a brown stain, but after a shudder looks up at me, ready to write. I list out a few things for him. There are plenty of chemicals and hormones Henry can manipulate that should help, although it''s a bit of work explaining them all. Enough that we spend a few hours discussing it, everyone but Mom, who left to wait for Sara near the woods. I attack it directly all the while. I''m really hoping that with my direct control and whatever Henry can come up with, I''ll be able to keep this under control. Very hopeful in fact. If all goes well, it shouldn''t slow me down too much. Especially if Sarafyna can help.

    What really worries me is how it happened. How did it progress this much in a single day? Because if it happens again... Well, I need to prevent that, which means I need to see it coming. "How do you know all this stuff?" Gil asks, now sitting in the chair Mom had brought to watch over me. "I''ve never heard anyone say anything like half of what you just... know. What you have somehow always known."

    I shrug before taking a drink from the juice Gilbert brought me some time ago. "I must have sold my soul in another life," I dismiss. At that moment, Sara and Mom burst into the room in what is becoming a regular occurrence in my bedroom.

    "Ann- Lily! You''re awake!" She cries, clutching a badly abused hat she seems to have half-torn on the way over.

    "Can we have the room?" I request, "I need to speak to Sara alone." I can see the desire to protest on everyone''s face, especially Mom''s, but they comply. I see Ed move for Henry and idly realize this is the first time in years the two have spoken so warmly and comfortably. Mom lags behind, giving me a tight hug after the boys leave.

    "Be okay, okay?" she whispers and I smile.

    "I promise," I whisper back, and she reluctantly follows her sons. Then Sara rushes to my side and holds my hand. "It''s going to be fine, Sara. I''m already feeling better. But we have a lot to talk about.

    "I love you," Sara suddenly blurts and I shake my head in surprise for a moment. "I''m sorry, I just realized last night, I''ve never actually said that, and I got scared you wouldn''t wake up, and, well I..." she trails and I smile warmly at her.

    "I love you too. And I will for a long time yet. But please, I need your help with this." I respond. I feel the familiar healing warmth of her divine magic before she even touches me, and it clashes with the cold fear in her eyes. But it''s alright. As soon as she touches me and I start directing her abilities to the tumors, I know it''s alright. I''ll be able to get it under control. I just don''t know what caused it in the first place. "I love you too," I repeat, more quietly. Then we get to work.

 Chapter 8 - Motivation

    Godfrey

    I was prepared for Lillith. I have been prepared for Lillith for years, at least in Visenar. She is a known, if admittedly unpredictable quantity. I wasn''t prepared for her to somehow overpower my brother, but she''s right. The man was a fool. He was an overflowing goblet of wine. All that power did nothing in his hands but make a mess for the maids to clean up. Still, a woman without a single mage in her ancestry managing to take him down? It''s beyond impressive. We give grief mana to our bards, and not a single one can use it to such an effect.

    This is partly why I have been so wary of her all these years, even if she was barely a woman when I first began setting countermeasures in place. It is also partially why, frustratingly, I can''t shake my concern for her. I must be the greatest fool in Potestia, setting all these traps to capture and fight her. I know there is only one way that ends. Especially since she is so stubbornly resistant to reason. She is going to have to die eventually. And yet, a single conversation where she seems to collapse, and my blood races through my veins like a man before his own execution. I don''t know when I started caring about her so much, but it''s a liability.

    Of course, she isn''t the problem at the moment. The attacks are getting worse, and I can''t contact any of the other cities. I haven''t spoken to my grandson in weeks and I have no idea what the state of my country is, outside Visenar. Because there is another threat. The pretender to the throne, ''King'' Darian. With him and my idiot nephew in town, I am only the third most powerful mage in the city. And Darian''s power is truly terrifying. He started at my little brother''s level and must have spent decades in his own circle. If not for the goodwill I''ve fostered with the other nobles in the city, I''d be dead already. And that is fragile, what with my own former apprentice being one of the primary threats to their livelihood.

    Thankfully, I have one bargaining chip, an unwilling gift from Lillith that is keeping them on my side for now. Without it, Darian''s assault the other night would have ended my reign. She tried to hide it when she was in her cell, and did a decent job, but she''s decades too young to get it past me. I saw that circle hidden among the other nonsense tattoos on her body. Lillith didn''t find a way to leave and return to a magic circle. The brilliant little madwoman found a way to bring her circle with her. I couldn''t make out every rune, but it was unmistakable. She has been connected to her magic circle since she was a child, and she still is. The power this could grant the next generation of nobles will change this world forever.

    Of course, sharing some magic circles with the commoners is already going to do that, but that''s not an easy sell for the other nobles. Or it wouldn''t be, if I didn''t have something even better to offer them. I just need to work out how she did it. From what I could read of the runes, it almost seemed like she designated ''everything'' as the circle''s reference space. I''m not certain how she managed to convince mana, the fabric of the world, that she was always at the center of everything. But it does work, which means it will work for me. I can advance society for the poor and maintain the position of the monarchy at the same time, and I have Lillith to thank for it.

    She would have some nonsense to say about this, I''m sure. She always does, and it always sounds convincing on some level or other. But she didn''t spread her new circle around either. For all her flowery speeches, she held back her most powerful tool for herself. I don''t think this is intentional. I think she, like anyone, is blind to the fact. Her ideas are all idealistic in a shallow way. But the very fact that she is as effective as she is is evidence that, on some level, she knows I am right. Someone needs to hold the reins, and they need a firm grip on them. Her treatment of this miracle circle is a result of that inborn knowledge.

    Of course, my allies are impatient to see results. With the recent attacks, I haven''t been able to experiment as much as I''d like. I walk to the window of my new, extravagant study and look out the curved window which occupies most of the space on the wall. Again, burning red runs down the side of the shield I am helping maintain. These attacks have been coming for a week now. Darian has relied primarily on his spells of molten rock to assault the palace. This alone would be manageable, despite the man''s terrifying mana reserves, but Kallon seems to have formed some kind of temporary alliance to kill me.

    A shield of pure mana surrounds the palace for now, maintained by myself and many of my allies. They can''t disperse it without dispersing their own spells and I have enough allies to maintain it at all hours. But it''s difficult to run the city with it up and he has already burned several noble estates down while their owners help protect the palace. He claims he wants me to ''turn over the king for justice.'' Another consequence of Lillith killing my brother is that many believe I was involved. Darian seems to subscribe to this theory. He also either believes I don''t have the stomach to kill someone so close to me, or he is desperate to make it true. Perhaps he is right, as my still-aching concern for the girl implies.

    Stolen novel; please report.

    But I can''t give him my brother. Honestly, I would if I could, he wasn''t a good man and there was no love lost between us. It would certainly be worth the freedom to do more than sneak a few enforcers in and out of the mana barrier. We''ll have to go on the offensive soon, or things will get dangerous. But it''ll be hard to push the less powerful nobles into such a risk without a proper incentive. And so I must focus on recreating Lillith''s circle. The perfect incentive. Anyone inside this barrier is guaranteed to be a more powerful family in the coming years, and anyone outside will be left behind.

    I return to my desk and ring a bell. It''s only a moment before a well-dressed man opens the door and bows his head to me. "How can I help you, Your Majesty?" I glance at Piper, my new aide, and release a breath. I cannot wait for Ansel to recover. I haven''t been able to uncover what happened to the man, but even with the help of some of the best priests in the city, he has failed to regain consciousness. Piper is a competent bard as well, however, if one lacking the familiarity with my preferences that Ansel has.

    "Is the subject ready?" I inquire.

    "Yes, Your Majesty. He is excited to get started. Do you have a new design prepared?" Piper replies and I nod.

    "I do," I answer, pulling a sheet of paper from my desk. I eye the various dispersal runes spiraling toward the center of my latest attempt. I was skeptical of the use behind this when I first saw her in her cell, but it was obvious why she included them once I thought about it. If she has truly managed to consider her own body the center of ''everything'' her circle must gather a truly absurd amount of power. She must have predicted it would be too much, especially with a circle tattooed directly onto someone''s body. I am tempted to remove some, but I ultimately decided to get it working first and increase its power later.

    "Right this way, Your Majesty," Piper says as I collect my things. We leave my study together and walk through the palace. It still feels surreal to be home. To own this palace. While I did grow up here, my movements were limited. I had spent much of my life as the crown prince, believing these halls would all belong to me when my father died. When I was already a man, however, he married a new wife. A woman with twice the mana my mother had, and the mother of my brother. He started with more mana than me and spent longer in the royal circle. And with that, my claim to the throne evaporated.

    Now, of course, he is dead and I am king. A better king than he could ever dream of being. A king who actually looks toward the future, past the border created by the Radiant Woods, and past the comforts that keep us complacent. Together we arrive in the bedroom I have converted into something of a clinic. A nervous man, absent his shirt, lays with his eyes closed on a simple bed as if for surgery. Both of the women attending to him as well as the quiet man in the corner stand and bow their heads as I enter.

    "Welcome, Your Majesty. We are ready to try again," Rowena, the taller of the doctors present greets. The man in the corner approaches quietly and I hand the circle to him. Without a word, he unfurls his needles and ink on a steel table near the volunteer and begins to work. Rowena gives the man a potion to put the subject to sleep. It takes hours, as always, to tattoo my new design. My heart tries to beat out of my chest as we wait. We have done this dozens of times, with dozens of designs, and not once has it done anything at all. Fortunately, there is no shortage of commoners willing to take the risk of an untested circle for the chance of becoming a powerful mage.

    As the artist wipes blood from the new black lines on the volunteer''s torso, my breath catches. It catches every time, and each time I feel nothing but disappointment when the center rune is drawn and nothing happens. The concept of a single, moving point being the center of everything just doesn''t seem to translate. "If you don''t mind my asking," Piper ventures, equally invested in the experiment, "what changes did you make this time?" The doctors give him a quizzical look at his casual tone, but it''s something I insist on with my aides.

    "Just an idle thought, truth be told," I answer as I nervously toy with the end of my beard, "Instead of designating the circle as the center of everything, I considered its mobile nature. It never made sense to me, that it could move and still be the center. So I gambled this time. Instead, I specified everywhere as the center of everything. That way, it''s not the circle itself that is the center. Rather, the circle never leaves the center." Piper''s mouth turns down at the thought.

    "I''m sorry to say I don''t exactly understand the logic, Your Majesty," he replies and I shrug.

    "We''ll know in a moment," I respond as the artist draws the final line on the center rune. I hold my breath as, for a brief moment, it appears to be a failure. However, just as I am readying a curse, it locks into place and mana begins to rapidly gather, distorting the air above the volunteer like heat from a stone oven. And then, his eyes fly open and he begins to scream. It''s a cry of pure, unadulterated agony. This does cause my breath to catch, but it was expected to an extent. Having your body essentially rebuilt as a mana space would be excruciating. But Lillith survived it as a child, so I''m certain this able-bodied man will as well.

    But the scream doesn''t end. Or rather, when he is out of breath and his voice fades, his mouth remains open and he tries to continue it. If it doesn''t stop soon, he will suffocate. And it doesn''t. "Knock him out, he needs to breathe!" I order and the nearest doctor pulls out another potion in a syringe, injecting it directly into him. At first, it seems to do nothing, but a moment later he finally collapses limply to the bed. Rowena cautiously approaches him as a bead of sweat runs down my brow. She puts two fingers to his neck, then covers her mouth in horror with her other hand.

    "He''s dead, Your majesty," she announces.

 Chapter 9 - Monuments of Progress

    Lillith

    It''s been a couple of days since I passed out, and I seem to have the issue under control. Well, I am active again anyway. With Sara''s help, my know-how, and a new potion from Henry, I have been able to shave away at the various tumors. Enough that they don''t hold me back from my regular schedule, and I don''t think they will be a liability in a fight. They do take constant attention, however. All the mana and focus I had been using to alter my body is now dedicated to preventing them from growing. Even that wouldn''t be enough without both Henry and Sarafyna, considering they are themselves bursting with mana.

    Of course, Sarafyna''s divine magic continues to misbehave exclusively with me. Much like with her attempts to heal my scars or aid in altering my body, her magic is extremely slow and ineffective. Without learning how divine magic works, it is extremely difficult to determine the source of this issue. And Henry''s potions, close estimations of earth chemicals and hormones, make me feel sick. But I am alright, provided whatever caused the initial tumors doesn''t hit me again. I was working on claws too, now that I don''t have to hide the changes. I suppose they''ll have to wait.

    I pull out one of Henry''s potions and throw it back, doing my best to ignore the repulsive taste. It''s only a few moments before the back of my mouth grows hot and the urge to vomit seizes me. I have to use the mana in my body to suppress the impulse and allow the potion to do its work. This is going to take some getting used to, but I can handle it. I''m more concerned about someone else being targeted than anything. I am surviving thanks to the abilities of two close confidants and my own expertise from another fucking reality. If this isn''t an isolated incident, the next person to get hit is dead.

    This presents something of a problem. I have too much to do. We need to take advantage of the time we have now to offer people in other cities a way out. The bits of Radiant Woods in every city have been keeping them relatively free of the church''s control, and Godfrey should be distracted with, well, everything. I''ve made some trouble these last few years, and it seems like I''m not the only one. If I want to completely dismantle the monarchy, outreach in all the other cities is paramount. Especially while the capital is resolving its power struggle. Godfrey did take the throne faster than I expected, but that doesn''t mean he is ready to stabilize the entire country just yet.

    Every city is struggling with the same labor shortages and every commoner in them is looking down the barrel of slavery. I, and as many volunteers as I can get, need to act now. We need to either evacuate as many people as possible or, even better, simply liberate the cities entirely. This depends largely on the state of each city and how the city lords have been handling their labor shortage. There are a few that, I believe, will happily take the city itself from the kingdom. It will be harder to suggest a new method of doing things to these places, but people will also not need to leave their homes just to have a better life.

    But I can''t just ignore the capital either. Especially if that''s where I got the cancer. That''s what scares me the most. Sure, I''m scared that Godfrey, or Darian, or the Collector, or some noble whose brother I killed found a way to target me with a weapon I can''t effectively fight. But I am terrified that they haven''t. That it just happened because I went to Visenar. Because if it isn''t targeted? The danger is everywhere, to everyone. It would explain why everyone was cowering in their homes and rooms. I like to believe the entire city isn''t toxic but... Godfrey sounded pretty concerned about something. If that wasn''t just whatever fire was in the city...

    I shudder at the thought. Suzume, sensing my discomfort, jumps on the bed and lies by my side. I idly scratch her chin as I worry. I can''t just ignore the capital. But I can''t send someone else either. But I am probably the worst person to go as well, since it seems to be a massive trap for me specifically. How the fuck did Godfrey even get so many circles up so quickly? Especially while dealing with whatever he is dealing with? Truth be told, the only person I can safely send would be Sarafyna. But, aside from my own concerns about her, she is too important. Without her, everything falls apart. I need to at least research the circles. How they work, where they are, and how I can disable them.

    I sigh. There is only one thing to do. I meant to visit Clarrise days ago, and it seems my reasons have only grown. I need to ease the burden on Sara as soon as possible and establish these communities in a sustainable way. We need long-distance communication, and Clarrise''s town is my best bet. I scratch Suzume a few more times then groan as I climb out of bed. I truly feel like hell. But hey, I was a grad student. Who better to melt mountains of ice while exhausted beyond belief? I open my door, ready to head to Sara''s house, only to find her standing in front of it. She has one fist in the air, prepared to knock, and a straw hat in the other.

    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

    "H-How are you feeling?" She asks with a nervous smile. I cross my arms and lean against the door frame.

    "Sexy as shit, as usual, how about you?" I respond. She bites back a chuckle.

    "First of all, Annie, you know what I meant. Are you okay?" She presses and I nod.

    "Yeah, Sara. I''m okay. It''s been a rough couple of days, but I''m pulling through. Thanks for all your help," I answer earnestly.

    "I''m glad to hear it. I can try and help again, if you need?" she offers. I don''t think it would do any good at the moment, so I shake my head.

    "Not right now. We need to... wait, what do you mean ''first of all''?" I stop and she gives me a small, guilty smile.

    "Second, you have like twelve rat nests in your hair and your skin looks like an onion. I mean you are beautiful, as always! But, yeah..." she trails off, offering me the hat she prepared for me. I smile as I cover my apparently dreadfully tangled hair with it. It matches the one she is wearing, both designed based on a goofy cartoon I drew for her maybe a week ago. "Why did you want a hat like this anyway?" She questions, examining the simple, round design.

    "Because," I begin, interlocking my fingers and cracking my knuckles, "I wanna be king of the pirates. Now come on, I want to visit Clarrise."

    "Since when have you wanted to be the king of anything? And are you sure you''re feeling up to it?" Sara prods, a skeptical look weighing her eyes down. "It may be better to rest more?"

    I give her an apologetic smile and shrug. "I''ll sleep when I''m dead," I reply, then hurry to placate her when she is immediately strangled by clear anxiety. "Which won''t be for a long, long time, I promise! But the world can''t wait for my best days. Come on Sara, will you take me?" She looks hesitant, but nods after a moment.

    "Alright. But I reserve the right to take you to the nearest bed if it looks like you need it!" she insists. I have to bite back the obvious joke that comment inspires, but she doesn''t seem to notice.

    "Thanks. I''ll take it easy, I swear!" I hold one hand up and another over my heart and she rewards me with a quick nod. My muscles throb as we walk down the beach but I don''t let it show too much. We spend less than a second in the Radiant Woods before we emerge in a large valley, snow-capped mountains peering down on us from all directions. In the center are three massive buildings. From a distance, they almost look like skyscrapers from Earth. Sarafyna grips my hand as we walk quietly together and the reality of them becomes more clear.

    Rather than the buildings of my past life, these have been erected with the earth mana of at least a dozen mages. Each is only occupied up to the tenth floor or so, but they were built with a much larger capacity in mind. Surrounding the outer walls, every floor has a wide terrace of farmland. Small orchards and fields create vertical agriculture all the way up to the highest occupied level in each building. This is an idea I idly mentioned to Clarrise and she really ran with. Instead of the travel and trade-based cultures we are all used to, this town plans to sustain a potentially huge population in a limited space by growing up, rather than out.

    At each corner, magically created water flows down like a waterfall, channels in the wall helping direct it to the various elevated farms as needed. It''s already amazing and it''s not half what it will be if it keeps growing. Sara and I make our way to the second building and enter the ground floor. A boy runs by, maybe thirteen years old, leaving both me and Sara wide-eyed. Not because thirteen-year-old boys are unlikely to be found running in public, but because we both remember him. I carried him here myself, straight from a house of penance. A house of penance he had lived in since he was missing a leg.

    Sara had, of course, volunteered to help people like him heal to the best of her abilities. But there are too many people to heal everyone perfectly and right away, especially since it requires both Sara and me to participate in the healing. Missing limbs are even harder since, although divine magic can increase a person''s body mass to an extent, it can''t completely grow new limbs without another source of organic matter. At least, Sarafyna can''t. The abilities of divine magic always seem inconsistent to me. In any case, we certainly didn''t help this kid.

    No, he seems to have a new, prosthetic leg, built from stone and glowing with the mana which moves it. "Did they have those last time we were here?" Sara asks and I shake my head.

    "If they did, they didn''t show us," I reply, impressed. I am always impressed when I come here. "But, necessity is the mother of invention. In a way, this is one of the things that has made me so angry about Potestia for so long. Think how many hundreds of years ago people could have used this, if they didn''t just shove their undesirables in..." I pause as Sara winces. "Well, you know what I mean. Mana is... amazing. It disgusts me that something that can do so much good has been looked at as nothing but a way to maintain power for so long."

    "Yeah..." Sara agrees quietly. She is looking around the building as we board a large platform on the inside wall of the building. I grip one of its rails and start pushing pure mana into it. The mana follows channels in the railing to four different steel mechanisms on each corner. Force mana radiates from them and we slowly begin to elevate along rails in the wall. I keep channeling mana until we reach the sixth floor, where Clarrise lives. As I stop, the devices lock into the wall and the mana elevator halts.

    It doesn''t take us long to navigate the earthy but orderly halls of the open building and reach Clarrise''s lab. She answers the door only a moment after we knock. Her smile is warm and welcoming, radiating genuine joy at our presence. This fades immediately as she looks up and down my body with concern.

    "Lillith, you look terrible," she greets.

 Chapter 10 - Getting Some Rest

    "Thanks, you''re looking lovely yourself," I reply to a concerned Clarrise, who frowns at me.

    "Sorry," she says, a little mortified, "I meant are you alright? If I had a student show up with such a pallor, I''d send them home immediately. Should you be here?"

    "I''m alright. Just been getting a little too much sun lately, it''s left me drained," I lie and she gives me a stern look.

    "None of that. I know an exhausted woman when I see one. I know a sick woman when I see one, too. I''m a teacher, do you think I can''t tell when someone is working themselves too hard?" She reprimands. I think back to my grad school professors and my own experience teaching and genuinely don''t know how to respond. In my experience, the answer is ''depends''.

    "I told her she needed to rest more, but you know how she is," Sara laments and I give her a narrow-eyed look of betrayal.

    "I''ll sleep when I''m dead," I repeat, "Besides, I''m alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic. In the flower of my youth, really." Sara actually glares at me when I say this and I immediately feel guilty.

    "This isn''t a joke, Lillith, you''ll kill yourself if you keep pushing like this," Clarrise scolds and I close my eyes for a minute. I guess it does look like that from the outside. But I just... I can''t linger on this. I''m only halfway to anywhere worth going and I can''t stop now.

    "I know. I don''t think it''s a joke, but laughing moves me forward, and we have to move forward. Can we talk about this later, please?" I beg. Sara and Clarrise share a look, but Clarrise nods.

    "Well. Alright, but I reserve the right to bring it up again," she insists. "Come on in, I''ll make you some tea." I sigh in relief before following her into her apartment. It''s strange to me, the walls made entirely of magically formed earth. Plants from the terraces outside grow through the windows and I could pick fruit from the dining room table if I reached. The expected inconveniences with such a design are entirely mitigated by the building''s nature. Effective combat magic takes massive amounts of mana because a much stronger opponent can crush any spells with brute force otherwise.

    But practically applied magic? Heating in a stone building? Pest control? Generation of clean water? Most of this can be handled with magically enchanted items alone. Even brand-new mages are capable of maintaining a higher quality of living than most nobles in Potestia. A thought I find endlessly frustrating. It''s true they are used to the comforts of free labor. It''s also true most of the greatest minds in the country have probably always died as slaves or commoners with no magic. But even so, Potestia is an old, old country. Maintaining power, as motives go, is not an unfamiliar one to me.

    But usually, those in power do like shiny new toys and luxuries. As I take in the neat, well-tended environment of Clarrise''s room, it can''t be denied. I feel like I am in an air-conditioned apartment on Earth. This community has been here for a relative speck on the timeline of Potestia and it has, with relative ease, surpassed the comfort of the wealthiest noble''s mansion. Nearly every community has, in fact. Although this one is certainly on the forefront. Because we have fucking magic! Why any country with access to literal magic would be locked into a medieval society for thousands of years is beyond me. It takes a fraction of the knowledge Earth had to achieve similar technological results, at least for the basics.

    No one is designing a microchip in the next couple of years but that doesn''t matter. It''s better than Earth, in fact. Mana is a completely clean, renewable energy source that is more efficient than electricity ever was. Hell, even if we need electricity we can just generate some. It is just... asinine that people are freezing to death on the streets in a magical world. It infuriates me. And it fucking confuses me. The way resources are perfectly placed around cities yet merchants still sell them as luxuries, the lack of even simple progress for so long... everything. The country feels like a still photo of a movie set. Everything was perfectly placed and just... left that way.

    "So, if not your health, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Clarrise asks, pulling me from my usual frustrating thoughts as I sit down at her table. She walks to her kitchen and fills an enchanted kettle with an enchanted stone that creates water.

    "The usual suspects," I answer while Sara sits next to me and examines me with concern. The poor woman clearly can''t think of anything but my health at the moment, which is both endearing and a little distracting. "You seem to be good at making badass things here. I saw a magic prosthetic on the way up. I wanted to see if I could help with research into possible transportation methods. I want to take the burden off Sara as soon as possible."

    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

    "Ah, of course. Well... it''s not terrible truth be told. Your ideas for most vehicles have... varied in their plausibility, although we have been waiting for your help to test a couple safely. But they have the same problems they always have," she explains and I sigh. The first problem is, of course, geography. We don''t actually know where each community is on the globe. This, predictably, makes it difficult to arrange travel plans even if the trains I described are built correctly. And of course, they will be slower than magic hell forest teleportation even if we manage to implement them. Finally, they will take years to implement. By the time we have them, the reliance on Sara will be far less intense anyway as most communities will be entirely self-sufficient.

    "Right. I''m trying my best with the stars but it''s not really my area of expertise. I don''t suppose the kid has made any progress, has he? What was his name, Victor?" Clarrise grimaced and Sara perked up.

    "I can help if Victor is stuck. While I''m here," she suggests as usual. Sarafyna is really the only person with any concept of what Victor, a former priest''s apprentice, is trying to do. Because what we really need right now are teleportation gates of some kind. A way to travel instantly between communities without an eldritch horror looking over your shoulder. And without relying entirely on one extremely adorable and sexy hatter. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Sara asks with a blush as I admire her instead of answering right away.

    "Oh, uh, right," I respond, blushing a bit myself, "I think that''s what we''ll have to do. Sorry to keep relying on you so much Sara. I know you need rest as much as I do." Sara shakes her head emphatically at this.

    "No, I''m happy to. Genuinely. I can''t even describe to you how happy I am to do all of this!" she insists. I give her a half affectionate half feigned skeptical look, then smile softly. I don''t know why working her ass off makes her happy, but she is obviously being genuine.

    "Well. Thank you, Sara. I don''t know what we would do without you. If you''re sure you are up to it, yeah, let''s go see if you can help the kid out," I suggest. Clarrise raises an eyebrow at me and Sara crosses her arms.

    "Lily, you should stay and rest. We''ll be alright without you," Sara suggests and I scowl. This is going to get old quickly.

    "I have neither the time nor the luxury to be treated like porcelain. I know you are all worried about me, but I''m really alright. We have treatment handled and I am ready to get back into it. People need me to get back into it. Starting a fire only helps if it''s a controlled burn, and-" I start but Sara cuts me off.

    "Lily, I love you, and I love your little speeches, but we don''t need one right now. We are just asking you to rest while you can, alright? I''m not going to hold you back where you can help but... what are you going to contribute here? Yeah, you are brilliant but... this isn''t something you can provide much input on, at least not yet. Why do you need to overwork yourself now, in this moment?" She reprimands. I want to retort but I''m left without much of a comeback. She is right. There isn''t much I can do right now. I don''t understand what the Radiant Woods feels like to Sara, and I have no idea how divine magic works.

    "I''ll motivate you. I''ll sing you a song while you think, to help you focus," I joke. Sara''s face immediately pales and she bites her lip.

    "Um, no thank you... We''ll, uh... we''d better get going Clarrise, Lily enjoy some time to yourself maybe." Clarrise looks confused while Sara stands and I scowl.

    "Fine, I''ll sing to myself then," I pout and she freezes then leans in toward me.

    "Uh, Annie... you are joking right?" she whispers. "People share walls in this building; Clarrise has neighbors... wouldn''t it be better to lie down for a bit?" I narrow my eyes at her. I swear, you try to sing ''Simple and Clean'' around a girl one time and suddenly she discovers a new form of PTSD. It''s not my fault. My hair is wavy instead of curly and black instead of brown. My eyes are red and I''m shorter. How was I supposed to know ''tone deafness'' was going to be the one thing I carried between realities?

    "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Go ahead, I won''t gift Clarrise''s neighbors with my heavenly voice, I promise," I respond and genuine, visible relief washes over my traitorous girlfriend.

    "Right, well. Uh... Take care, Lily," she says more loudly. She leans forward for a quick kiss then turns toward the door. Clarrise lags behind and gapes at both of us and I realize I haven''t actually told anyone in this community about our relationship yet. Sara immediately begins to blush and it dawns on me that we don''t generally do that in front of anyone. The kiss in the middle of the other town must have knocked that wall down a little. I curl my lips in amusement and Sara coughs. "A-anyway, we should go, Clarrise. I want to get Lily back home and into bed as soon as possible."

    I should resist. It would be kind to resist. But she is very cute when flustered. "Oh, do you?" I tease. Her face burns at the implication and Clarrise joins her.

    "Uh- right, we... should... go..." The still-confused Clarrise agrees. The two finally leave, and I laugh out loud. I needed that, just a little. Clarrise will be fine after processing for a moment; it''s not like this is the first major change she has witnessed since well, I killed her husband. With that, however, I''m left a bit lost. I''m not actually all that tired. I''m serious when I say I''m feeling better and fully combat-ready. Sleeping all day is just going to make me anxious. Sara might not need my help but... Well, I''d love to take a look at what other wonders they have put together since my last visit. I want to see how those prosthetics work.

    I throw back another dose of the foul potion Henry made for me and head out myself, looking to find a meal and see what I can examine in the common area downstairs.

 Chapter 11 - Divine Inspiration

    Sarafyna

    The walk to Victor''s lab is... awkward. I can feel my cheeks burning almost as constantly as I can feel Clarrise''s eyes on me. I have been unravelling in a way, lately. Or maybe I''m doing the opposite. Maybe I have always been unraveled and am only now taking shape. It would perhaps be the more appropriate metaphor, considering how I met my, uh, girlfriend. I spent a long time in that hell. A long time hating myself, and a longer time losing myself. My mind had followed my body, melting into something hideous to behold, barely forming thoughts for a single task.

    These last few years can''t erase that. But Annie has always been there. It''s like she never took her hand off me after piecing me back together. She has been helping me find my way ever since. But I''m still... discovering things about myself. I''d never even heard of two women courting before I met her. I''d always failed to work up any interest in marriage before, but I thought I just wasn''t interested in romance. At the same time, when I met an attractive woman I have always immediately wanted her to like me, or wanted to be just like her. Until I heard Annie on the other side of that door, I thought I just... admired them. The realization of the reality hit me like a brick and I''m still working through it.

    I love courting Annie, but I don''t know how to act. I don''t know how to move forward. It''s all like shaping mud. I just can''t get ahold of it, and it''s confusing and frustrating when I try. Of course, my feelings for Annie aren''t the only confusing things in my life. I have my dad back. I have a son now, in a way. I''m not exactly sure how that happened but it did. It was just like when I heard Annie talking about me. The first time Pete called me ''Mom'' I felt so happy I could barely respond. I''m really, really unprepared for the role, but my dad is there to help.

    It''s all amazing and it''s all terrifying. I essentially grew up in hell. How am I supposed to give Peter what he needs? How am I supposed to talk to my father when our time apart is mentioned and his face goes dark? Forget working through my sexuality; I can''t even figure out who Sarafyna is supposed to be. I want to blame the Radiant Woods, but recently, I have been doubting that. I think I have always struggled with this. Annie hasn''t noticed yet, or if she has she hasn''t said anything, but my clothes are getting a little baggy. My body is changing again.

    Not like it did in the Radiant Woods but... I''m growing a bit more slim, a little at a time. Not skinnier exactly but less curvy. It''s not enough that anyone but me would notice... yet. This startled me at first, like I was losing control of my divine magic. My divine magic which has never worked like I want it to. But... I''m not sure that''s true. I think it might work exactly as I want it to. Or exactly as some part of me wants it to. My scars come and go, or so my loved ones insist. They are usually there, and they are always there when I look in the mirror. That was my first clue.

    I was always a pretty girl. Prettier than any of my neighbors. And I grew up to be the perfect woman, physically at least. With my mother''s hair and a figure without flaw. More accurately, a figure without any of the flaws I had spent my life worrying about. As a girl, I thought I was lucky. I would hear my neighbor complain of love handles and mine would fade. I would hear a boy talk about a woman''s chest and mine would start to develop in the same way. I would see a woman I ''admired'' and notice a beauty mark in the same spot she had the next day. Extraordinary luck, to skip every flaw and develop every desired trait.

    Then I fell in love with Annie. A slim, if muscular, woman with a boyish build. And my body slowly started to grow more slim. Not right when I met her. When I realized she was beautiful. When I realized I ''admired'' her like I had those women I grew up around. It''s funny how my relationship with Annie opened my eyes to this. I didn''t grow to be ''the perfect woman''. I grew up to be my perfect woman. The woman I had, either through my own taste or others'' criticisms believed was perfect. Now I am enamored with an entirely different kind of woman and my body is complying.

    It''s my divine magic, understanding the thought ''I want to be her'' and acting. But that doesn''t feel right either. Because going from an old ideal to Annie isn''t what I need to do. I need to figure out who I am actually supposed to be. Or want to be. I don''t want to shift to a new fantasy appearance for myself. I need to figure out what makes me comfortable. Until a week ago, that was my primary concern. But now Annie is sick, and my divine magic won''t cure her. Like it won''t cure my scars. Like I won''t cure my scars. If everything I have been figuring out is true, does that mean I am, on some level, holding back my help? Have I always been?

    Annie thinks she is putting too much on me. But she is putting too much on herself. I love feeling needed. I love having direction. And I hate the thought that, where she needs me most, part of me is holding back. So I am going to figure out how to create safe transportation for everyone. For her. And maybe, when I do, I''ll figure out how to actually control my supposedly divine magic. And when I do I will throttle this sickness that''s tormenting my Annie. And maybe I''ll throttle Annie a bit too, if she doesn''t take it seriously until then. Yeah, she is feeling better. But I had to find her, passed out and helpless. I had to get her into her bed and find help. And I can feel its malignance when she guides my power to it.

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    It''s more serious than she is letting on. I can feel it. I can see the little shadow of fear behind her smiling eyes. I can hear it in her flippant jokes. She may be back in fighting shape, as she insists, but she is terrified. Well, she can put the whole world on my shoulders if it''ll take even a little weight off of hers. I have lost a woman to sickness before, and she tried to spare me from her fear too. It''s not going to happen again.

    "Are you... alright?" Clarrise asks and I startle. Somehow I spiraled all the way from ''Oh no, I kissed a girl in public'' to ''the most important woman in my life is killing herself with responsibility again.''

    "Yes, sorry. I just... have a lot on my mind," I assure. The kind but often severe face of the older woman softens as she looks at me.

    "Worried about Lillith, huh?" she guesses and I wince.

    "Obvious, huh?" I blush and she gives me a gentle smile.

    "I don''t know what''s going on with her, and I don''t know what kind of relationship you two have. But I know stubborn people well enough. You''re lucky that yours is also a decent person. But, eventually, she is going to push too hard," her smile shifts to a serious stare, "you''ll want to confront her before that happens. Trust me, even well-intentioned stubbornness has to run into the word ''stop'' or it''ll get away from them. And it has to be stern. And the longer you wait, the harder it will be."

    I don''t respond, instead just looking forward and thinking about her words. I''ll stop Annie before she pushes too hard. I have to. But first, I''ll try to ensure that she doesn''t have to. With that, we make it to another earthy apartment, and Clarrise opens the door without knocking. This one lacks the various vines and foliage entering through the windows, favoring cleanliness for experimentation. Victor, the older boy I once helped free from the temple''s basement, appears to be meditating. Clarrise holds a hand up to stop me from speaking, and we wait for a few minutes for him to open his eyes.

    Finally, he does. His focused face shifts to one of curiosity, then relief. "Sarafyna! I was hoping you would visit soon! Where were we last time? You said everywhere feels like the same place? Can you elaborate on that more?" he immediately interrogates in lieu of a greeting. I would be surprised if I hadn''t visited him a few times by now. He seems to always pick up conversations from days, or even weeks earlier as if they never ended.

    "I can try but... can I ask you a few of my own questions first?" I reply. We have been discussing the nature of divine magic and the way space feels to me inside the Radiant Woods. But today, I want him to be the one to describe it to me. He pouts a little, but crosses his arms and nods.

    "Sure, what did you want to ask?" he allows.

    "I''ll leave you two to it," Clarrise says as a way to excuse herself. She may be an academic but she seems to like quantifiable numbers far more than talk of divine magic. I wave politely but my focus remains on Victor. I really want to get to the bottom of my divine magic.

    "Right. So, you didn''t have divine magic until the priests did their ritual, right?" I ask, confirming the difference between us before moving on.

    "That''s right. As far as I know, I couldn''t do much at all before that, much less use divine magic," he answers easily.

    "Are you sure? I''ve come to a realization recently. I think I''ve been using it a lot longer than I thought. My whole life maybe, or at least since my mom... well since I was a kid. Long before I even knew what it was. Are you sure you haven''t as well?" I ask but he shakes his head before I even finish.

    "Nope, I remember the moment I got it. It was like an alarm in my head. Or maybe a set of instructions? It felt like a pull that had never existed before," he responds, then leans forward in interest. "What have you been using it for, do you think? Are you sure you can use it subconsciously? No, of course you can, Lillith says you periodically remove your scars. How does that work, I wonder?"

    "That''s what I''m trying to figure out. Has your divine magic ever, I don''t know... ignored you? Or done anything you didn''t try to do but kind of... wanted to do? Or vice versa?" I prod and he shrugs.

    "I don''t think mine works anything like yours, I''m afraid. I have no control over the Radiant Woods for one. That could be a lack of exposure but based on your descriptions, I don''t think that''s the case. For me, and for everyone but you that I''ve spoken to, divine magic sort of operates itself. There are a few things we can do, really, really well, but we can''t do much else. Most of these are related to healing and altering perception. They all came with the package too; I knew how to do all of them as soon as I got my magic. The way you describe it... it sounds far more versatile, but also far more difficult to use," he explains and I frown.

    "Are we sure that we are even using the same kind of magic?" I ask and he immediately nods.

    "Oh yes, I can feel it. You feel like the Radiant Woods," he replies, then as I recoil he quickly corrects himself. "Not exactly, but... the energy is the same. To put it in simple, if crass, terms... you are like water and the woods are like piss. But your energy ebbs and flows the same way." So far Victor is the only divine mage that can actually perceive the feeling of divine magic, and that''s fairly recent. He works with and studies it far more than any of the other former priest apprentices. This news feels strange though.

    "What do the others feel like? The ones who got divine magic the same way you did?" I push and he wrinkles his nose.

    "Like the Radiant Woods, truth be told. I think it''s because we got our power from the woods, but you already had yours," he explains.

    "So... Perhaps my divine magic is mine, but yours belongs to the Radiant Woods?" I guess.

    "It''s a good theory," he agrees. "And it would explain why ours seems to follow a script yours doesn''t. But there is no way to test it."

    "That''s true," I answer. "I was just thinking... if my magic is unique, and yours is tied to the Radiant Woods, why am I the one who can control them? I can grow large plants and trees from the woods with only a single flower, or a piece of bark. I can... absorb bits of the woods and increase my own divine magic. I can move through them freely, and even fight them directly. Yet my magic feels clean and yours feels just like the Woods? Why is that?"

    Victor''s eyes widen as he considers the implication. "Oh," he says quietly. "Why didn''t I think of that?"

 Chapter 12 - Relationships

    Lillith

    "What do you think you are doing young lady?" A stern voice reprimands and I freeze. I put down the goggles I am tinkering with and turn to see a glaring Clarrise. "You told Sara you would rest! You should have seen the look on her face as I walked her to the lab. And I find you here, working!" I wince as a few onlookers at nearby tables give me sympathetic glances. I''m in something of a communal research center on the first floor. Clarrise has set up a number of stations stocked with paper, something not unlike fountain pens, and other tools for magic experimentation. This particular community thrives on sharing and supporting knowledge. This room is where a lot of it happens.

    I had come here just to see if anyone was working on anything interesting. I had a friendly conversation with the kid whose extremely cool prosthetic had caught my attention earlier and... had a thought. "Hold on, I''m innocent, I swear!" I protested and she glared at me.

    "Okay. So you are courting a woman. It took me off guard, and she was right there, so I didn''t say anything," Clarrise says. I get varied looks when she says that, and one woman blushes at least as much as Sara, but Clarrise doesn''t notice. "But I''ve thought about it now. And you know what? Courting is courting. And it only works if both of you respect each other. It does not work if we make promises that we break as soon as the other person turns their back. I''ve seen where that leads, and it''s nowhere good. So tell me, are you innocent, or did you lie to that poor girl and break a promise the second she left the room?" That question hits me like a slap in the face.

    I just came to take a look. I wasn''t pushing myself. I had an idea that would help with my illness, I was actually helping to relieve her stress, not add to it. All these protests press against my lips but fail to escape. I didn''t exactly lie, but I wasn''t honest either. Or at least, I abandoned an honest interpretation of our conversation pretty quickly. "Well, shit," I respond instead and she crosses her arms.

    "That sounds right. You promised to rest, now come with me and rest," she insists. I really want to finish what I''m doing, but I suppose I can talk to Sara first. It''s not like she is going to actually hold me back here. I should have just waited, but I''ve never been much good at that. I nod and pick up the goggles along with the circle I had been drawing for them. She raises an eyebrow at me. "Still bringing them with you?"

    "She''ll want to know what I''m working on. But I promise, for real this time, I won''t touch them until I''ve spoken with Sara," I assure. She looks at them in my hands and I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean. Come on, let''s get back before she does at least." She gives me a derisive sniff but nods.

    "What are they anyway? It looked like you were drawing light runes, don''t you already have goggles enchanted with light magic?" She asks and I shake my head.

    "No. Well, yes, but these are different. These are for my can- my sickness," I explain to a confused look.

    "You are planning to treat it with light goggles?" she sarcastically guesses while waiting for the real explanation.

    "No, it''s a bit late for that. But one of the most likely causes for this disease is different types of invisible light. These will make those ones visible," I answer.

    "And you will be able to find the source," she finishes. "That makes sense I suppose, aside from your certainty that you have some as yet unheard-of light-based disease. Where do you get these ideas from? Some of the things you say are a little..."

    "Out of this world?" I guess to a shrug and a nod. "It''s a long story. Well, depending. For all intents and purposes, it''s a long story. But trust me. If we find somewhere with a lot of this light, we''ll find what made me sick."

    "And avoid anyone else getting it?" She guesses and I nod. "Well. I see why you were in a hurry to build it. Still. It hurts you know? When someone you love tells you one thing and does another. I''ve never met a kinder woman than Sarafyna and, if your relationship is as... unique as it appears, it will only hurt more. Take it from me." I feel a little pang of regret.

    "You''re right, it does. I just... hate being treated as fragile, and I have a lot to do. Sara and I just need to have an actual discussion about ground rules. But don''t worry, I''m taking your words to heart," I agree. I shouldn''t have needed to be told that, but I haven''t been in a relationship in a really long time. In a way, it feels like my first. In a way, it is. Which makes it easy to make a few rookie mistakes. Unlike my life as Annie, where I was completely without fault in all of my relationships, romantic and otherwise. Right. The point is, I understand what she means. I need to be upfront with Sara.

    This doesn''t mean I can slow down like Sara would like. But I understand this fucking cancer sort of ambushed us. It''s not going to be an easy transition or a simple topic. It is however something we, for now, have under control. And Sarafyna didn''t fall for me because of my quiet demeanor. "And here I had heard you didn''t have such a thing," Clarrise jabs, some of her ice melting.

    "Such a thing as what?" I ask, a little distracted.

    "A heart," she quips and I chuckle.

    "Completely untrue," I answer, "I have a heart. It just lacks a little work ethic, that''s all." The earns a half smile as we make our way past the other tool-laden tables and focused workers. My still heart has been something of a hot topic around this particular community. It and my other enhancements. Clarrise, having said her piece, is mostly quiet as we ride the elevator back up to her floor. She does ask me about my cool hat, with somewhat less polite phrasing. Before long we are back in her home and I am, as promised, lying down on her bed while she examines the half-designed circle I''d brought with me.

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    "Isn''t this usually how you alter a light''s color?" She asks, "I''m failing to see how it''s making you sick..."

    "I''m resting Clarrise," I intone without opening my eyes. I can, nevertheless, feel her unamused glare in my direction.

    "I don''t believe that for a second," Sara''s voice interjects and I''m on my feet in a moment.

    "Sara, you''re back, how did it go?" I happily interrogate.

    "Welcome back, Sarafyna," Clarrise greets without looking up from the paper on her table.

    "What''s she looking at?" Sara asks and I grimace a bit.

    "Oh, I was just trying to design some radiation vision goggles. I mean, I guess my other goggles are already doing exactly that, but this time I''m looking for worse radiation. I want to see if what happened to me is happening to anyone else," I answer honestly. No point in lying, we are going to need to talk about it anyway. Sara''s face looks... conflicted.

    "Well, alright," is all she says. She doesn''t seem pleased that I immediately started working on something when she left, but she is far from angry. I can feel a cold grief radiating from her; one that has been leaking out in intervals since I woke up and found the tumors. But her face has her tell-tale signs of guilt fighting for control.

    "Uh... so how did work with Victor go?" I ask. Her face immediately brightens up and the ice of her sorrow grows muted.

    "I don''t think the Radiant Woods are the collector," she announces. She and I have more or less been referring to them as the same entity for years now, so this is a bit surprising.

    "I can see why that makes you so happy," I joke, "I certainly wouldn''t want one god to feel lonely on the guillotine..."

    "No that''s the thing, I don''t think it''s intelligent at all! Oh, I''m sorry, are we bothering you Clarrise?" She checks before continuing.

    "No no," Clarrise dismisses, "Please, talk heresy all you like, I''ll be looking at this for a while. Do let me know if Lillith wants to share the source of these ideas though..."

    "Anyway," I interrupt, "You don''t think the evil hell forest that mutates people and taunted you for a decade is intelligent. I mean, I can see your point but..."

    "Right. Thank you Clarrise! Anyway, I was thinking about how my divine magic works. How can I control the Radiant Woods as well as it can? Why can I wrestle it away from itself, move through it with ease, and grow bits of it wherever I want?" Sara continues and I start biting a thumbnail in thought.

    "I don''t really know, but divine magic kind of plays by its own rules. I take it you have a theory though?" I respond and she nods.

    "I don''t think it''s a god or anything like that. I think it''s just a place. A place with a lot of divine magic cast on it. I think the Collector, or some other monster, lives there. But I don''t think they own it. I think they use it the same way you and I do. As a tool," she excitedly explains.

    "That makes sense. So that means..." I trail off, offering her the chance to say whatever it is she is so excited to tell me.

    "It''s hard to describe. Like explaining the feeling of mana to someone without it. But... with divine magic, a shift in perspective feels like a shift in power. Until now, I have thought of it in the way you described it. Using the enemy''s weapons against them. And for Victor, that''s exactly what it feels like. Because he was given his magic by whatever lives in the Radiant Woods. But the idea that it''s not the enemy''s weapon... the idea that it is no one''s, or even mine in a way..." She pauses for a moment and I look at her in anticipation. "Well, I have been growing bits of the Radiant Woods because it''s what I know. But... what if it doesn''t have to be the Radiant Woods? What if I can just grow a radiant wood?

    My eyes widen, "Do you... think you can do that?" I press. Clarrise is actually looking up at her as well, the conversation suddenly more interesting than my radiation circle.

    "I mean, it didn''t work when I tried it with Victor but... I don''t know. It was like with the whisper spheres. Even now I can''t tell you how they work. Just that... once I could feel them being enchanted... once I knew they could work, they did. I might not need the Radiant Woods. If I''m right, it doesn''t have to be woods at all. It can be anything," she says.

    "But... the Radiant Woods are, to put it delicately, fucking massive. That''s a lot of divine magic. And you said it doesn''t belong to whatever god or king or fuckface lives in it. If his doesn''t belong to him, why would yours belong to you?" I challenge.

    "See, I was afraid this would happen. It''s so hard to quantify. I think, whatever the Radiant Woods are, was already there," Sara replies, "I think the Collector moved in and started using it, but it can be changed by anyone with divine magic. But... I don''t know. I feel like it must have come from somewhere. I just feel it. And... I don''t need an endless forest to torture thousands of victims. I just need... a medium-sized room..." she says. I''m starting to see why she is so excited. I don''t know how divine magic works, but if she feels this hopeful...

    "Sara, you are fucking amazing," I say, bridging the gap and hugging her. "That would be amazing. Do you really think you can do it?"

    "I don''t know. It didn''t work when I tried, but Victor seems hopeful. And it feels right somehow... Lillith, I want to stay here for a bit. I want to live here while we work on it," she almost asks more than announces. "Well, I want us to live here while I work on it." That seems reasonable enough.

    "Alright, that sounds like a good idea. There are certainly enough rooms. We''ll have to talk to our families about moving everyone when we get back from Tumult tonight," I say in thought. "Clarrise, this is the third floor of building one, right? I don''t suppose the twelfth unit is empty, is it?"

    Before Clarrise can answer Sara interjects. "Actually I was thinking you and I could share..." Then she pauses, "Wait you still want to go into the city tonight? Lillith, you always end up fighting someone when that happens. Usually a lot of someones! Are you really in shape for an actual fight to the death right now?"

    "No rest for the wicked," I reply a little guiltily. "The people in Potestia need a fighting chance. You and I are the only ones who can offer them one. We have to, especially with the state we left the country in." Her hopeful mood melts away and she sighs, rubbing her forehead with one worried hand.

    "Alright, fine. But we are bringing your brother with us this time," she insists, her tone inviting anything but argument.

 Chapter 13 - Self-Awareness and Other Irritations

    "So what do I need to do, exactly?" Ed asks as we walk down the beach, approaching the Radiant Woods.

    "Just back up today," I answer. "I''m still a little under the weather, so we just want to have our bases covered if we need to fight again today." I finish the explanation by taking another drink of the vile concoction Henry made for me. The tumors haven''t grown at all and remain manageable, but if I want them to consistently shrink, I have to keep up with every form of treatment.

    "Sounds a bit like you aren''t quite as confident in your recovery as you have been saying," Ed muses, and Sara nods along. The two dozen or so volunteers pulling carts alongside us look away in innocence as if they hadn''t been listening in.

    "Even if I were in perfect health, we were going to need to divide the labor eventually. There are a lot of cities in Potestia and a lot of people that don''t feel safe anymore. That''s all this is, alright? Getting you ready to go on runs like this alone. Besides, don''t pretend you haven''t been dying to use all that magic you spent so long learning," I challenge and Ed takes his own turn looking away innocently. He was one of the more stubborn mages, staying in his circle for months rather than weeks. Since he had fewer dispersal runes than mine, this actually makes him something of a formidable mage.

    He hasn''t had the continuously growing mana that I have, but in many ways, the circle I use for others is superior to my own. Magically, at least. Even after all this time, I have been unable to identify the cause of my physical enhancements. Nevertheless, Ed is surprisingly competent for a first-generation mage. Barring some kind of special circumstance, he would eat Hugh alive if they ever fought. All this together makes him an excellent choice for support. The cancer is just a good excuse to finally get him some experience.

    "Actually, I wanted to talk about that," Ed says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

    "Your eagerness to use cool magic? We can talk about that if you want," I offer and he groans.

    "No, not that. I mean... dividing the labor. Look, you are sick. We don''t know what caused it, but we know you are. And I figure, taking on some of the load for you could... I don''t know. Make up for some choices I have made in the past," he begins and I pause, turning to look at him.

    "I mean, I am happy to have you help. You know I''ll take any volunteers I can get. But you don''t have to do it for me... You and I are good, Ed. The bad blood has spilled. The hatchet is buried. You should come with me because you want to change things, not just for me..." I say, worry in my voice. It''s impossible to avoid, but I''d really rather no one risk their lives just out of loyalty to me. I especially don''t want anyone risking their lives to make up for being a bit of a dick as a kid.

    "No, not with you, it''s not... Look. I have, in the past, been something of a coward. I want to make things better, and I want to do that by taking the load off you a bit," he clarifies. I shrug.

    "Well, alright then. Like I said, you were always going to eventually. I can''t be the only person protecting people when we try and aid these cities. I can''t even always be there, not if I am going to handle the capital as well," I answer, a bit confused by his clear anxiety.

    "Right. That''s sort of the thing," he replies sheepishly. "You''re really sick. You''d have to be to drink that bottle of cruelty Henry devised... And based on what you said, Visenar is dangerous... for you. In a sense, you are the worst person to go back there. I think... I think I should be the one to handle the capital for now." I freeze.

    "Ed... you have a kid on the way," I respond. "You have a family counting on you. Visenar is the most dangerous city in Potestia, and you have no combat experience. You can''t seriously want to go there, where the most powerful mages in the country are fighting?" Ed sets his jaw and crosses his arm.

    "They are counting on me for what, exactly? Mariah loves me, yes. But she doesn''t need me to survive. She can do everything I can and, at home, people don''t exactly need a breadwinner like they do in Potestia. They don''t need me, they just love me. And people love you too, Lily. For every danger in that city, it is more dangerous for you. Yeah, you are a badass, I get it. You are the monster hiding under the noble''s beds. But that''s why the entire city has been rigged against you. Like it or not, someone else needs to do this for you," he throws back.

    "He''s right, Lily," Sara cuts in. "If everything is as bad in Visenar as you claim, if it is actually filled with dispersal circles targeting you specifically, you may just be the weakest piece we can play."

    "And if that''s where I got the cancer? If the whole point is to draw out my friends and loved ones? What if the circles aren''t targeted at just me?" I retort. Ed lets a sharp breath out his nose and Sara rubs her temples.

    "Now you are just being stubborn. You saw a bard using magic, didn''t you? You know those circles are for you. They can''t target everyone but still use magic themselves. As for your other points, well. You aren''t the only one who is allowed to take risks. We could spend all day talking about what-ifs, but we have to find out somehow, and your brother is right. You shouldn''t be the one to do it. And people love you, too. Besides, you literally just started designing those goggles specifically to avoid anyone else getting sick," Sara reprimands. I want to argue further but I already know they are right.

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    I don''t even know why the idea bothers me so much. I have sent other people to take risks before. Sara went to the church on her own the first time, and she helped me fight two of the more dangerous people in the country. The most incompetent of the dangerous people in the country, but it was a risk all the same. Even now I am bringing people to a city whose rulers are hostile to them. I look at my brother, then my girlfriend. I see the concern in both their eyes, and it dawns on me.

    They aren''t asking if Ed can go risk his life in Visenar. They know I won''t stop him. If both of them decide he is going to do that, well, he is going to. No, they are asking me not to risk myself. It''s not just about the risk to either of them. It''s about letting someone take on a risk so I will be more safe. That''s what bothers me. There is a certain arrogance in that idea I don''t much like the look of. Because I might want to believe it is safer for me to go, but they are right. The city is currently built around repelling me. I haven''t been anywhere so desperate to get rid of me specifically since Christmas at my Dad''s house during my first year of college.

    Edward is a better choice to go and investigate the circles in the capital than I am. Even more frustrating than this realization is its failure to change how I feel about it. I still would rather go than send Ed, and it still feels like the smarter choice. Which means that arrogance is deep-seated enough to resist self-awareness. Not an attractive look on anyone and the thought makes me wince.

    "Ugh," I answer with irritation, "Fine, I will stay away from the capital. But please, be careful. And wait to go until we can plan the safest way to do so, please," I hedge.

    "Yeah, sure," Ed agrees, "Thank you. For trusting me." His satisfied smile is almost enough to banish my irritation but not entirely. I don''t much care for being wrong, knowing I am wrong, and still feeling right. I can handle one or the other but the flavor combination of both curdles in my stomach. My bad mood persists as we enter the forest and then, after the briefest flash, find ourselves emerging underground. I keep it to myself where sour moods born of stubbornness belong. Before we head into the city, Sara and I examine everyone. We don''t find it likely, and Sara has experimented a bit the last couple of days, but we want to make sure the Woods aren''t responsible for the cancer. They do have a history of changing people''s bodies in undesirable ways, after all.

    As expected, everyone else is cancer-free. In fact, after three trips through the woods today, my tumors haven''t grown either. I''m not ready to write it off as the cause, but it is comforting to know we can still use it. That is sort of my motif, after all. Every weapon of the enemy and all that. As with every other city we visit, the tension in Tumult is palpable. Every city has seen changes over the last few years. The way different city lords handled the lack of labor has varied, especially since the only answer to the problem the king ever offered was to demand slaves be sent to the capital. A message that rarely even made it to any cities with the limited communication between them.

    One theme has remained consistent, however. The lower classes foot the bill. When there are not enough slaves to provide for noble needs, the other commoners are enlisted to fill the need. Most cities like Visenar try to maintain the fa?ade that slavery is for criminals and simply expand the definition of ''criminal'' as needed. In some places, this involves creating new laws to target commoners. Others reinterpret current laws or militantly enforce long-forgotten ones. Tumult isn''t bothering with the lie. If they need a baker, they send the guards to find and enslave one. If they need a carpenter, they do the same. In a way, this city has one of the most honest Lords in the country.

    Honesty is a luxury afforded only the most untouchable of rulers, however. Or the most arrogant. Lord Nathanial of Tumult is the arrogant kind. I could almost strike a match in this city and it would ignite. Almost. A thousand years of fear don''t evaporate overnight. And, as magic solves many problems from my old world, it also creates them. Nobles don''t need that degree of separation from the common people to feel safe. They have less to fear from pushing the masses too far. At least, in the short term. Conversely, commoners are even more afraid to confront a noble than they would have been on earth.

    What they are less afraid of, however, is going to a safe and stable home when it is offered. It especially helps when their neighbors come back with the things they need. Food being chief among them, stories being next. Every day more people believe they can have something better, and every day the powers in place prove inaction will only make things worse. Of course, there is pushback as well. Many people want to hold onto the home they grew up in, and rightly so. Others blame the Mage of Mourning for how bad things have gotten, because well, before me it was only this bad for other people. It''s easy to ignore suffering when it is out of sight, out of mind, and most importantly, somebody else''s problem.

    It is, in a sense, my fault this has become more visible. But I''ll gladly take the blame from anyone who is looking for someone to pin it on. I''m not exactly looking for friends who would be happy with comfort bought through enslaving someone else. As such we receive a variety of receptions in town. Many are happy to see us and the supplies we bring, but others swear as we pass by. And of course, there are those who are the most comfortable, least affected, and most furious at the change. These do what they always do, and try to contact the guards.

    As we have people gathering to collect much-needed food, all of theirs being confiscated by the guards and nobility, a street gang not unlike the Manticorps surrounds us. Many expected such gangs to disappear as the need for slaves increased, since they are actual criminals, but this was never going to be the case. These gangs are now what they have always been, an extension of the city guard.

    "Now, perhaps it''s because I was never schooled properly, but this looks an awful lot like an illegal trade of noble property," a man in a dingy suit announces as I groan and rise to my feet. There is no way this is their real plan. It''s hardly the first time we have visited and they know we have powerful mages with us. I have to keep an eye out for something else while these idiots work through their aggression.

    "You''re up, Ed," I whisper.

 Chapter 14 - Stained Glass

    Edward

    "You''re up, Ed," Lillith whispers and my heart starts beating its way out of my chest. I shouldn''t be so nervous. I have been practicing magic for years now, and these idiots don''t even have mana. They are here to intimidate the people around me, not me. My little sister could have wiped the floor with them when she was thirteen. But I''m not my little sister. I''m the man who, after planning an escape from thugs just like this with Henry, pushed him over and ran away. Thugs that Lillith later killed herself.

    I didn''t have my mana yet and Lillith did. But Henry didn''t. And Henry wouldn''t have run. I did. I hated Lillith so much. Henry too. Both were my younger siblings, and both were so much better at everything than me. I tried to step on them and chase after my father instead. I guess, in running away and leaving scars on my family, I filled my father''s shoes just fine. But I don''t want to be him anymore. I want to be the reason none of these people have to run away. So I stand up and walk to the front of the crowd. I separate myself from the group and stop a half dozen paces from the man in the dingy suit.

    "Hey," is all I say. I want something quippy. Something clever, like Lillith would say. but that''s what comes out. The man''s face splits with a wide grin.

    "Are you in charge of this little crime ring? A bit young for thievery aren''t you? It breaks my heart to see it," the man practically drools. I instinctively look behind me for Lillith when he asks if I''m in charge but... she is nowhere to be seen. A drop of sweat immediately runs down my head but I clear my throat.

    "I''m not too clear on it either, but I don''t think anyone is supposed to be in charge. Sorry to disappoint you," I answer. The gang leader crosses his arms and tilts his head.

    "Is that so?" he muses. "Well, I was going to make an example of the leader alone and let everyone else disperse. For the public order, you understand. But if there is no leader..." He pauses and somehow widens his grin even more. I can smell his breath from where I stand and fail to hold my wince in. "Well. I guess I''ll have to make that example out of all of you." I take a deep breath through my nose and clench my fists. I take a look over my shoulder and see Sarafyna is standing as well. I can do this.

    "That''s not going to happen," I respond with all the false confidence I can muster. "But, I can give you this opportunity to go away and leave us alone, while you still can." With this, I cast my first spell. Floating shards of glass circle each other over one extended palm. My opponent smirks and chuckles ripple through the men surrounding us.

    "While we still can, huh? Is that it?" He laughs and winks at Sarafyna behind me. "We knew we would run into a couple of mages, kid. You think you are safe just because of a little glass? You aren''t the only one with backup. Even in the unlikely event you have the spine to do something with that magic, a dozen knights are a whistle away. You really think your little spells can stand up to an actual mage?" I start to panic a bit at this. Lillith disappeared and he''s right. I''ve never fought another commoner, much less multiple trained mages. How did Lily get so good at this so fast?

    Something doesn''t quite fit, however, and I start to calm, the panic washing away with the confusion the threat inspires. "Uh, why did they send you in the first place then?" I retort. If there are a dozen magic knights to spare on this, why not just... use them? What''s the point in sending some gang after us? The other man''s grin briefly falters as he considers the question himself, but it returns quickly. Although it remains a little less confident.

    "Because they aren''t needed to deal with a child like you. I think we''ve talked enough. Unfortunately we''ll have to... confiscate the stolen goods. Stay out of the way and you won''t need to find out why they thought we would be enough for now," he threatens, taking a step forward. I tense up as he moves but as I look back, Sarafyna nods at me. I have practiced and practiced my magic. I can hold a few thugs back.

    I take a deep breath and yell, "Anyone who gets too close will die. Stay back!" With that, I summon wind from all directions and create a sparkling wall of constantly moving air. It arcs around the terrified people around us and a few thugs step back but the leader sighs and crosses his arms. It looks like he sighs anyway, this spell is a bit loud, and I can no longer hear him. He gestures to the man next to him, and the moment of truth arrives. The bulky henchman grabs a shorter man next to him by the collar. The two exchange a few words and it looks like the smaller man is protesting, but to no avail.

    The small man is thrown directly at me and into the wind wall to test how dangerous it is. The wind itself doesn''t act as a barrier, however, as much as the sparkling light inside it. Or rather, the sparkling shards of glass swirling through it. Before the man reaches me, the glass tears into him as the wind throws his body around. It''s seconds before he is unrecognizable as his blood sprays across me. I don''t know what happens. My spell is down, I''m on my knees, and emptying my stomach onto the dirt road. What''s left of the smaller gang member falls in front of me and my head spins. He is still recognizably human but I''m not sure if that makes it better or worse. I can... smell him. The blood and shit.

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    "Well, would you look at that," the leader gloats. "An impressive spell, to be sure. We''d be in danger if you aimed that at all of us but... it looks like your mana exceeds the abilities of your spine. You don''t have the stomach to do that again, do you?" As he laughs I curse to myself. Lillith was right. Again. She warned me, when I came up with this spell. She told me it wouldn''t be as easy to use as I thought, even if I was able to cast it. But she has been doing this since she was a girl... how is it so easy for her? I thought she was just looking down on me again. She always has, but I''ve accepted that, as a kid at least, I wasn''t the kind of brother you look up to.

    But she was right. Again. I''m not like her. That was... horrible. That was the most horrible thing I have ever seen. The body''s eye twitches as I gape at it. How am I supposed to protect these people? I can''t do that again! I hadn''t even done it the first time but my stomach is still twisting from my role in the death. The leader whistles and my eyes widen as I remember his earlier words. A dozen knights are a whistle away. Fuck, I can''t fight a dozen other mages! I don''t even know how to fight these guys! I clench my firsts around the bloodied dirt and close my eyes while I wait for the actual backup to arrive.

    And I wait. And wait. The man hesitantly whistles again and I look up at him. Both of our expressions shift to confused and then blank as everyone realizes there is no backup. I don''t know if he was lied to or if it has something to do with Lillith, but they are on their own. Come on Ed, you can do this. Your kid sister handled worse than this before you even learned to read properly. I force myself to my feet. My legs may be shaking, but so are more than a few thugs. I wasn''t the only one shaken by the violence of the death we all just witnessed. I can feel my breath shortening, but I summon all the confidence I can. I also start gathering wind mana again, leaving the glass out this time. I only have to defend the people here to survive, I don''t have to kill anyone else.

    "You''re right," I admit. "It''s obvious I''m not used to this sort of thing. But it''s obvious your guys aren''t as comfortable confronting mages as you thought. And your backup doesn''t seem interested in being summoned like a dog. So, maybe you should leave us alone, like I suggested." The man grits his teeth but doesn''t back down.

    "Alright. So I don''t have backup. But I do have a pretty good eye," he counters, looking at the gentle wind forming around my hands. "And it looks like while I may have lost my magic reinforcements, you''ve lost your teeth." He smirks as several of his men realize the sparkle from my previous spell is missing. The quieter sound is a giveaway as well. I don''t have much of an answer for that. He''s right, and as soon as one person attacks me, it will be clear I am too shaken to be a real obstacle. I feel helpless, but a hand rests on my shoulder.

    "It''s alright, Ed," Sarafyna whispers. "You''re doing great. Remember, I''m here too." I haven''t seen Sara fight but she did help Lillith with the king before... She must be formidable. Although, if leaning on her would work, they probably wouldn''t have needed me in the first place.

    "Is this your woman, kid? Did you practice that spell before on her face or something?" The leader taunts. "I''ll admit you''ve got some assets sweetheart, but I''m afraid offering them won''t do much good. That face will give me nightmares, no matter what you have under your clothes.

    "No," Sarafyna answers sweetly, "I''m not his woman. I''m the teeth you were asking about." With that, her face and neck split open from the front and rows of sharp teeth line the folds. My face pales and I can''t take my eyes off her. I knew she helped people with their bodies and shit but... holy shit! I glance behind us and realize she has angled her body so the frightened crowd can''t see the display.

    "Fuck!" the leader recoils but doesn''t run. It''s alright though. It was a decent threat and the men nearby start to tremble again. More importantly, a weight lifts from my shoulders. Sarafyna was with Lillith in her fight with the king for a reason. She did this for me, so I would feel safe. I take a deep breath and the intensity of my wind picks up again. I summon shards of glass as well. I won''t use it again. I don''t think I can. But it makes a more effective threat, especially with the shredded body between the two groups.

    There is a tense moment, but a previously quiet member of the gang breaks first. "Screw this," he yells before turning heel and running. For the first time, the leader actually panics as his men start to flee, one at a time, then all at once as their numbers dwindle. Finally, he is standing alone in front of two people he clearly can''t fight. It no longer matters if I have the spine to kill him or not. He is alone, and no one is afraid of him. He glares at both of us, shuddering when he looks at Sarafyna. Then he spits, puts his hands in his pockets, and turns.

    "Fine. I did my job anyway," he dismisses. Then he yells at the crowd. "Don''t be surprised if the people here are the only ones they managed to keep safe. I hope you didn''t leave anyone you care about back home!" With those words, my eyes widen and I flip around to see panic in the eyes of the commoners I had been protecting.

 Chapter 15 - You Dont Get to Be Cowards

    Lillith

    It''s easy enough to slip away while Ed talks to the gang. It''s his first time dealing with this sort of thing, but Sara is there. She is sweet and meek a lot of the time but she definitely has boiling blood underneath it all. The two will be all right. All I had to do was make my way to the back of the crowd and a little light and sound mana covered me. It''s not terribly difficult to sneak past a few street thugs who can''t see mana. I don''t know exactly where I''m sneaking to, but I am certain the goober in the dirty suit isn''t the beginning and the end of the plan to deal with us.

    A little upward force mana and my own physical strength allow me to jump to a nearby rooftop where I lower my goggles and start scanning the roads in the surrounding areas. The average commoner tends to do one of two things whenever we are in town. They will hide to avoid trouble, or they will risk it and meet us for the supplies and whisper spheres we distribute. Street traffic is more sparse than it once was in any case, since the wrong encounter is so likely to result in slavery now. All of this together means that, when my radar spots a couple dozen people walking together a couple hundred yards away, it''s not exactly a mystery where I need to go.

    With the different safe houses across town, each sheltering an access point to the Radiant Woods, I am not lacking in potent mana and am able to effortlessly fly from building to building. I am... slightly slower than I have been in the past. A girl only needs to collide with one rooftop before she learns a little caution. Before each leap, I extend a thin strand of grief mana to see if it disperses. It will make me a bit more visible to any mages looking out for it, but it also helps avoid any ambushes by snarky bards. It doesn''t slow me down much, however, and I can soon see the group I had spotted even with my goggles up. Each is wearing the flexible mail armor of a magic knight, confirming my suspicions.

    As I crouch on a roof across the road from the knights, my stomach churns a bit. I have trouble identifying the cause. Unfortunately not because my health is so stellar, but because there are competing sources. I have, over the years, grown used to the illness powerful grief mana induces in me, since I am nearly always near the Radiant Woods in some form or another. Growing used to it is different from growing comfortable with it, however. It does still get to me.

    This is, honestly, a relief. An unpredicted side-effect of aspecting grief is I have started to grow more numb to the feeling. It''s not just grief mana, truth be told. Anything, once it becomes normal and expected, also grows acceptable in a way. Or at least accepted. That includes the intense grief that saturates this world. The occasional urge to vomit when hit with a wave of it keeps me grounded. Reminds me that I should never get too comfortable with it. Even worse, it empowers me. This allows me to act on behalf of the grieving but... it also carries the very real risk of attaching a positive association to it. This is something I have found myself feeling, at times. Relieved to have the power of grief nearby. That alone makes me sick to think about.

    So it''s good to feel that queasiness from time to time. As a reminder that all of this grief is a symptom of a sickness in the world, and the power it grants exists to eradicate the source. Of course, I now have other concerns. The fucking cancer. And just like on Earth, the treatment doesn''t make me feel like sunshine and rainbows. That potion of Henry''s absolutely makes me feel the same way. I don''t have time to decide which ailment is assaulting me, however. The knights are standing outside a large brothel having something of an argument.

    "Can''t we skip this one?" a lanky knight whines to the irritation of the sturdy knight in the front. He has a blue ribbon around one shoulder, identifying him as the captain of the group.

    "Look, Gabe," the captain snaps, "If you are feeling lonely, buy some fucking flowers for your wife. Lord Nathanial made it clear. The entire street burns. Every street burns if even one resident meets the rebels. Even your favorite brothel. I''m done with your complaints, now do what you are told before I decide I can spare a few men to shore up the slave shortage!"

    Gabe, the lanky knight, straightens up quickly enough to convince me this is far from an idle threat. He immediately gathers earth mana and erects stone walls in front of the door and most windows to the brothel. It looks like the plan is to make an example of anyone who agrees to meet me and accepts our help. Not surprising, since the combination of the Lord''s actions and my aid has effectively cut off supplies from the nobility. They are surviving with either what slaves they can capture, or using the threat of slavery to force farmers and the like to produce for them.

    But the nobility of this city took the promise of cooperation away. It''s a bit like mass punishment in schools; when you can get the stick whether you follow the rules or not, the incentive to follow them disappears. This has always been the case to an extent, but they are far more open about it now. Combine that with the fact that, with aid, they don''t actually need the kingdom''s money to live and the greater communication the whisper spheres provide... Much of their incentive to provide the goods nobles need to live in comfort and excess is gone.

    This was, of course, the natural next step. Prove that there are greater things to fear. The loss of loved ones. Violent deaths. Try to instill the distrust the church used to force into the minds of the commoners. Convince people to administer their own punishments, or ostracize anyone who worked with me. I''m lucky he must have thought it would be most effective to do this while we were here. The Lord wanted anyone who met with me to return to dead loved ones and ruined homes. He wanted to intrinsically connect the two events in people''s minds.

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    Which is why he bothered with the pitiful distraction while he sent the real threat here. I can practically feel the blood bubbling under my skin at the thought. Fine, Lord Nathanial. You want an example to be made? I can work with that. I''ll start by making an example out of any knight who follows orders like this, then I''ll move on to demonstrate what happens to men who give orders like this. I see fire mana forming around the captain, and I release all of my aura at once as I jump from the roof, landing behind the knights.

    It has been years since I did nothing to suppress my aura, and even I am surprised by the weight of it. It''s like gravity has increased in the area. Every single knight visibly buckles under the pressure and a couple fall to one knee. One even collapses entirely as if the wave of mana had been physical. Even the captain is tense, struggling to look unaffected. He turns on his heel and the strongest of the knights form a semi-circle around me. Then he releases his own aura, enveloping his weaker men in it and allowing everyone to stand. "Impressive. The mage of mourning, I take it? I see our little ploy wasn''t enough to fool you. That''s alright. We expected it might not. Good move with the aura, your mana exceeds expectations. But we are two dozen trained knights. You may be able to fight any one of us with ease, but all of us? You won''t hurt a single-"

    My lightning descends on him in an instant. Without the dispersal circles and with the safe houses, this spell is easy. With my mana all around us, he didn''t even spot the spell forming as he threatened me. He and the two knights closest to him die on the spot, their burnt, crackling, corpses collapsing in the dirt. There is a moment of silence. The knights protected by his aura begin to struggle again, and the rest stare at their leader''s corpse in shock. I want to attack again, but I am immediately assaulted by a sharp pain in my spine. At first, I think a knight must have managed to attack me somehow, but they are all still staring at the corpses by the brothel. Another stabbing pain makes it clear the only attacker is my own fucking body. Goddammit.

    Before I can examine that, however, all hell breaks loose. These are in fact trained knights. It only takes a moment for them to get into a basic formation, even without a leader. I find myself surrounded by the knights in an ''L'' shape. The purpose for this immediately becomes clear as spells from both rows of knights assault me. They are trying to maximize their output while eliminating crossfire. They are also launching powerful spells by combining their aspects, one knight creating fuel for another knight''s fire or another using wind to accelerate another''s earth. This allows each to use the least amount of mana for the greatest effect.

    It won''t be enough. I may have been distracted for a moment, but they still aren''t any match for the wrath of a thousand years of grief. I launch myself at one knight, one of the mages creating stone projectiles to assault me with. I use force mana to repel every attack while using air mana to choke any fire. Meanwhile I summon a steel blade which, in a moment, decapitates the knight I had been targeting. I also use force and steel like a gun, tearing through the skulls of the knights on either side of him. The pressure of my aura slows all of them and I am already moving on to the next.

    I start to form another lightning bolt and... my mana flickers. All my spells drop and a stone bullet tears into my side, then a powerful gust of wind throws me to the dirt. My face collides with the ground and I cough. I can''t tell if the blood I leave in the dirt comes from my nose or mouth as I rush to regain my footing. My mana returns, revealing they didn''t manage to trap me in a circle and I am already firing bullets of my own into the knights, instantly killing five more of them. I create a flash of light and sound then leap over the knights, impaling two more of them on a steel spear. Eleven left.

    And my mana flickers again. This time, I''m not in the line of fire and I switch to purely physical attacks, gripping a knight''s head and twisting it around, killing him instantly. The next knight I target has shifted to physical attacks as well, enveloping his fists in ice gauntlets. This doesn''t particularly worry me... until that blackness returns to my vision and the sharp pain in my back stops me for a moment. It''s all he needs and a thorn of ice cuts a wide gash in my cheek. It might have actually left a hole. I grab his arm as his gauntlet is cutting into me, holding his wrist in one hand and forcing him to the ground with my other on his shoulder. I don''t stop there, however. I push with all of my strength, tearing his arm from his body. I don''t give him time to feel the pain of the loss and crush his head with a single stomp as he falls to the ground.

    I can feel my mana return and use pure force to crush three more knights to paste while I have it. The brutality of these deaths is the final straw for the remaining knights. Their professionalism breaks and one turns to flee. The other five follow suit soon after. I cough, spitting blood into the dirt beside me, then erupt walls of steel around us.

    "Fuck that!" I scream at them. "Fuck your cowardice! Look at that building! That building full of innocent people you walled off! You are lucky I am kinder than you are! You were going to let them choke, and burn, and die slowly! Fuck. That. You took the ability to run from them before they even knew they were under attack, and now you think you get the luxury of cowardice? No! Fuck you. You are going to die here! I am going to kill you! No, get back here and fight, oh brave knights of Potestia. Fight me and be glad you had the option. Thank your precious collector I am not you and your deaths will be quick!"

    They don''t come back and fight. One of them bangs his fist against the steel. Another falls backward, holding one hand up to me in a plea for mercy. The one nearest me falls to his knees and plants his face in the bloodied dirt. "Please," he begs, "we were just following orders..."

    I grit my teeth. "You did not just fucking say what I think you said..."

 Interlude - A Friend

    Charlotte''s Journal

    For a while, I had a friend. The daughter of one of my parents'' slaves. She was my age and she liked all the same things I did, when I shared them with her. It was a secret, that she was a daughter. A secret from my family, and a secret from hers. It was a secret that we were friends at all. My father hated it when I talked to the slaves. He hated when I asked anything about them at all. He hated that I didn''t hate them. And he would have hated my friend all the more.

    But I would be dead without her. Without the secret that her name was ''Amelia'' and not ''John''. Without the name she gave to the warmth I felt when I loved the wrong things. I was afraid to choose a name like hers, but I was also so excited. So warm. Because like her, I realized I was a daughter as well. And, even if only one person knew it, I wanted a daughter''s name. There were so many I loved. So many that made me feel so much more myself than I ever had before. I eventually landed on ''Serenity''. Serenity and Amelia.

    I had a whole plan. I would meet with Amelia any chance I got. When I became the Lady of the Renatus house, I would free all of our slaves, and I would marry Amelia. We would adopt other girls, or boys, that were like us. Given the wrong name. The wrong title. And we would raise them like our parents failed to. Fully in the sunlight. Comfortable. Themselves. It was a child''s dream. I didn''t know my parents weren''t the only ones who would hate to see the sun on our faces.

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    Amelia took the risk first. She and her mother were close. In a way I didn''t even understand at the time. She trusted her. Amelia was nervous. She was terrified. But she loved her mother, and her mother loved her. And I encouraged her. Because I knew that every person who used her name would bring her warmth. Especially if it was her mother. The last time she spoke to me was the day she planned to tell her mother that her name was Amelia. That she planned to make people treat her as who she was.

    After that, she wasn''t allowed near me at all. I could only watch her from a distance, but I could see the results of the risk she took. New bruises every single day. The guards were quicker with the whip on her than anyone else. They hit her harder, more frequently, and more publicly than anyone else. And then, one day, a priest was invited to her family''s quarters. After that, I never saw her again at all, and her parents never spoke of having a child. For a while, I lost a friend.

 Chapter 16 - Under Pressure

    My head throbs as I fly through the city, leaving the corpses of every knight in the road, buried only under the remains of their own barricades. I''m hurt pretty badly, more badly than I should have been against a couple dozen knights. I have been fighting guards and knights for years and, outside of a dispersal circle designed for me specifically, they don''t give me much trouble anymore.

    This fucking cancer is a bigger problem than I thought. And well, it''s cancer so that''s not the lowest bar for ''bad'' a problem has had to clear. And not only because I feel like shit. My mana is acting inconsistent. I have the cancer under control, through a great deal of effort from multiple people, but only physically. This fight revealed it is, I believe, a magical danger as well. Or at least, I hope it is. Truth be told I''m not in love with the idea of yet another problem attacking my body from the inside. I''d really rather have as few problems to solve as possible. The only downside of this theory is that it means I have discovered not just cancer but magic super cancer.

    I mean, that wasn''t really in doubt with how quickly it manifested, but I did hope it was magic exclusively in cause and not effect. I can''t let it slow me down, however. I still feel furious beyond belief at what this ''Lord Nathanial'' was planning to do. I still need to stop it before he gives another similar order. Yes, my loved ones are concerned. Yes, they want me to slow down and rest. And when I can, I will. But I feel the grief of the people in these cities. In the Radiant Woods. In the homes next to me. And I would have felt more if I hadn''t killed those knights.

    I can''t get those images out of my mind. The house of penance that was burned in Satusmor. Leo, broken and bloodied on the ground. A thousand other cruelties. Sarafyna is the only other person who could fight so many people at once and, well, she is simply more important than me. Any role I fulfill, she can do when I''m gone. But no one can replace her. Not to me, and not to anyone else. I can''t ask her to take over for me, and I can''t stop fighting. I can''t rest while this is still a danger in every city in this country. Not all the time, anyway. We will just have to compromise. Because I am not sitting a fight out only to find another home in ashes. I will not leave a single Leo to the same fate while I still have the will to move.

    So I fly from rooftop to rooftop. From run-down houses to gambling dens, to ornate restaurants and finally sweeping, if somewhat neglected, estates. I''m feeling exhausted by the time I make it, but I arrive at the city lord''s manor. I am sick and tired of this shit. No one should ever have enough money and power to wave innocent lives away on a whim. I plan to wrestle this power away from every slug of a human being who thinks they deserve it. I use steel mana to craft a great axe and tower shield. In my last fight, my cancer attacked me whenever I used massive, mana-intensive spells. Well fine, I can work with that. Simple force and an axe will be enough to deal with this creep.

    Based on my research he is weaker than Baldwin, has no divine magic, and is something of a sniveling little shit. Well, alright, that last one is less research and more a generalization of fascists. The point stands, however. With my current mana and everything enhancing me, I should be able to kill him. I use gentle force to land directly in front of the main estate. Two guards on either side of the doors startle and point their spears at me, but I have little patience for them. Killing them doesn''t even slow me down as I kick the locked door of the manor down and enter.

    The pain and fatigue are catching up to me, and neither makes a great bedfellow for the cold fury those stone barricades burned into me. I am present enough in the moment to avoid killing any servants or slaves I pass, but not much more than that. I barely remember ascending the stairs, slaughtering more guards, and searching different rooms. But I am on the second floor and the mansion is half destroyed before I know it. I find the lord''s study, then his bedchambers, but he is in neither. I''m running through the hall with little care when a powerful wave of mana throws me through the wall. There he fucking is.

    I quickly regain my feet, brushing off the splintered wood and plaster and gripping the massive axe in one hand, a large shield in the other. Neither have the integrity they would if a blacksmith made them, but they only need to make it through one fight. Some part of me begs me to leave, insists that what I am doing is stupid, but the part that got me here refuses. I know I can kill this man. I am certain I can. Another wave of mana I don''t recognize flies at me but I hold up my shield and plant my feet. It''s something like force mana but feels less directed. It has a burnt orange color that varies a bit from my pale orange-yellow force mana.

    Whatever it is, it is creating force, but not so much I can''t withstand it. I take a step forward. "What kind of mana is this?" I ask. "It''s not quite force, but not exactly distinct from it. Ah, pressure, is that it?" I don''t really care that much, but talking helps me focus as I continue to push forward. Pressure or a similar concept makes sense. It must also take an immense amount of mana to keep up like this. Seeing as it is failing to crush me, it won''t be the best tactic to keep up. I just need my arms to hold up until he realizes this won''t kill me. This is not as reliable as if I didn''t have a bleeding hole in my cheek and side, but it''s reliable enough.

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    The assault maintains itself for another twenty seconds maybe, impressive for the average mage, but it does let up. I nearly stumble forward when it does. I''m not used to fighting mana with pure physical strength and it catches me off guard. But I maintain my footing and lower my shield to find a man in silken casual wear, with sweat running down his face and gasping for breath. "Lord Nathanial, I take it?" I ask while catching my own. "Clever plan with the knights." I pause for a moment as if in thought. "Well, no, no it wasn''t. It was the jackbooted plan of a rich asshole. That just seemed like the kind of thing I should say. Anyway, they are all fucking dead."

    "Obviously," Nathanial scoffs, as if in irritation at having this explained to him. "And you thought you''d just march into my home and kill me. Arrogant bitch. I''d thought, after years of only targetting more vulnerable nobles, you had the survival instinct to stay away. Or at least try to be quiet about this. But no. What a disappointment. Or, are you not the mage of mourning? I had heard she was a repugnant fool with half a head of hair, but you do look even uglier than described..."

    "Oh, no, you don''t think I''m pretty?" I intone, "Then why do you keep trying to sweep me off my feet?" He actually chuckles at this before summoning various stones and rocks of random shapes. He throws them at me in a confusingly pathetic attack. He doesn''t even use his, what I am assuming, is pressure mana to accelerate them like I would. They bounce off my shield and I furrow my brow at him. "What was that? Well, whatever." I have my breath back and start walking toward his smirking face, hand gripping my great axe. For anyone else, this would be far too heavy to wield one-handed, but it doesn''t seem to bother him. He just keeps throwing his little rocks and I keep walking.

    As I walk through the ruined wall, stepping over its remnants and entering the hall with him, he suddenly shifts back to pressure mana. It''s not a direct assault this time. Well, it is but it''s not only a direct assault. He is again expending massive amounts of mana to pin me down, but his mana is also behind me. I go to summon a steel wall, but I realize I am not the target. Not immediately anyway. He seems to be using light amounts of pressure to gather all his stones in one spot. I look down and realize the burnt orange mana is walling me in on all sides as well. As what I recognize as fire mana starts to join the pressure around the rocks, I remember the capital.

    The idiot bard who attacked me without any real plan. Who, absent effective spells, tried to shift to a spear. I don''t know why he attacked me like that, but I think I have an idea now. He wasn''t just doing his duty. He hated me. He, personally, wanted me dead. I must have killed someone close to him, or maybe he just really loved having slaves. But he attacked me as soon as he thought he had an advantage. No plan. Clearly no training. Just rushing in out of anger or some similar emotion. How can I guess this? Well. I have realized what Nathanial''s plan is. It''s not quite like Earth, and I have never actually seen one in person, but I know how a pressure bomb works, and I am inside a giant one.

    Because I was so angry. Because, with the cancer and everyone telling me to rest, I wanted to prove something to myself. Well, mission fucking accomplished Lillith. There was a reason I didn''t do this before. I didn''t know enough. City Lords are powerful, and some are even creative. Yeah, I couldn''t leave him alone after that stunt or he would just do it again once I was gone. But I could have gone back to the group and made a plan. Had an escape route ready. And I was calling that bard an idiot. At least he had a way out. I react the only way I can think of. There is no choice but to use a lot of mana now and hope it doesn''t fail.

    I pull back, letting the pressure from Nathanial''s spell push me away from the shrapnel gathering beneath my feet. I then have to use force mana to push back against it and slow myself down before I am crushed between the two opposing pressures. I run through my options. I can try to counter the pressure in all directions, but that will increase the odds of my mana failing at just the wrong moment. I need to minimize mana usage while still surviving. I see the pressure building and realize I don''t have time to plan more, and land on the first thing that pops into my head.

    I gather powerful but condensed force mana between the now burning shrapnel and myself, curving it backward slightly. I can''t get rid of the magic bomb being formed in front of me, but maybe I can make it into a claymore instead of a pipe bomb. I pour all of my mana into this and pushing back the pressure on my shield, which I hide behind. The pressure builds on all sides while I keep putting more and more force mana into the barrier I have built. I have stronger mana than him and should be able to win this with ease. He has to spread his mana all around and I can focus it in one spot.

    But if I use the full extent of my abilities now, it could flicker out at any moment. I have to be careful not to push too hard or I am dead. If only I actually knew where the dangerous threshold was, I could know exactly how much mana was safe to use. As it is, this is a huge gamble. But hey, at least I didn''t get into this by being a rash asshole, giving myself over entirely to rage and stress. Then I would feel really stupid about this. Thank God for that.

    Then, the pressure reaches its peak, and my world lights up with fire and stone.

 Chapter 17 - Stronger Together

    "What is wrong with you? Seriously Annie, what are you doing right now?" Sara scolds in a quiet voice the second I open my eyes. My hand flies to my cheek, then my side. All healed. I''m wearing clean clothes and lying in my bed at home.

    "What happened to Lord Nathanial?" I immediately ask, "Did he get away? We need to-" I am stopped short as I look at my girlfriend''s face. I have seen her without form at all and with random limbs growing out of her body like Nico Robin. I have seen her split her body into a giant mouth with hundreds of teeth. I have seen her contorting into horrifying monsters or growing hundreds of mouths on tentacle limbs. The look on her face at this moment scares me more than any of them. She is furious in a way I have never seen directed at anyone but priests. All of it is directed at me.

    "Shut up about the fucking lord," she says, still quiet, still calm. When I woke up, I had mistaken that quiet for Sara''s usual reserved demeanor. That was... a miscalculation. Because it is also cold. Cold and livid. I haven''t had someone this angry at me that I actually cared about for a long time. I swallow. "Do you know what you looked like when I found you? Under a half-shredded shield, bits of stone embedded sporadically in your bleeding and burnt flesh?"

    Guilt begins to creep up my spine as I respond, "Sara, I know, it was stupid, I just-" I start until she cuts me off. Her next quiet words boom over my protests.

    "I thought you were dead, Annie. I thought you were dead for... longer than I should have. You don''t have a heartbeat. You even felt dead to my divine magic. I thought you were gone for hours. It wasn''t until you started coughing in the cart, halfway to the house, that I realized I hadn''t lost you forever. So tell me, Anne. Why? Why did you rush into a fight you weren''t ready for? Why couldn''t you just rest? You told me you would rest! But you just had to push, and push, and push, like you always do. You got lucky. You should be gone now, do you understand that Anne? You should be dead, and I should be mourning over your fucking corpse. Why? Annie, Why?" Sara grows louder and more impassioned as she asks me this, and water is running down her cheeks by the time she is finished.

    I don''t answer at first. Her tears are summoning water to my own eyes and my throat aches with an unreleased sob. I can''t defend myself. She is right. And, while even in the moment I knew I had made a mistake, seeing the effect that mistake had on Sara carries its own gravity with it. The silence drags as she glares through glassy eyes and I bite my lip. Finally, when I can''t leave her in silence any longer, I speak. "I''m... I''m sorry. I was being an idiot. I just..."

    "Just what?" She leans forward, inviting me to continue. I''m not used to being on this side of this type of exchange and I have to say, I''m not a fan. But I have to admit I belong here.

    "I hate feeling helpless. I know, I don''t have to tell you that. But it''s the best I have. I hate feeling helpless, Sara. I hate feeling helpless to help. I can''t stand watching horrible things that I can''t change. I hate feeling grief I can do nothing to soothe. I hate that I found my friend, beaten, abused, and mocked and there was nothing I could do to make it better. Yeah, I killed the people who did it. And other people with the same power turned around and started doing it to other people immediately. I want to stop it all. I want to be everywhere, putting every fucking abuser and creep in the ground. It''s what makes me who I am.

    "And I was. I was doing everything I could, anyway. I finally felt like, maybe, I could stop all of it. Then this fucking cancer showed up. It showed up and tried to put a collar on me. It wants to chain me to the wall and force me to watch as comfortable, rich, assholes wave their hand and burn homes to the ground to punish our efforts to organize. To help. To feed. I was so fucking angry, Sara. It was like I was at the academy again, looking down at Leo in the dirt and the blood. And again, I wanted to tear the culprit apart. So I rushed it. I''m sorry," I explain. It''s not much, but it''s true.

    "Annie. You are not powerless because you are sick. Maybe you don''t always get to be the big hero anymore, but you are not powerless. Or what have we been doing these past few years? All these communities we''ve built? All these whisper spheres we''ve distributed? You have always said you don''t want to be the hinge that revolution needs to turn, so why do you have to risk everything you and I have as soon as you don''t feel like you are anymore? Do you know what Ed, your brother you used to complain about, pulled off while you were pulling your little suicide stunt?" Sara reprimands.

    "He drove off the gang?" I guess. This isn''t a huge surprise to me, it was what I left him there for. I knew he''d pull it off fine.

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    "Yeah, he did. It took a toll on him, but he did. But that''s not what I mean. He pulled off what you could have, if you had come back instead of running off to fight the most powerful mage in the city while your body was trying to kill you. All those people that saw him defending them, then saw what the knights you killed tried to do? They reached a tipping point," she answers and I feel a sudden, slight rush of adrenaline.

    "He got more people to come back?" I ask, hopefully.

    "No. He did the opposite. He convinced some of our volunteers to stay. Because the people there are ready to fight, not flee. After watching a regular mage defend them. After seeing what almost happened to their family. They are doing what you always said they would. They are organizing, and fighting back. And Ed is the one who helped them put it together." My breath catches at that. We have been helping and supporting cities all over Potestia for a long time. Freeing slaves when new ones have been captured and feeding anyone else we can. But the commoners in each city have always chosen to risk the future or come to safety with us. If I understand Sara, however, it sounds like one city has actually decided to fight for their home.

    "And people are going back there, to fight?" I ask. Sara nods.

    "I''ve brought two caravans back already. They are ready to fight, Annie. Some of your ideas, and some of theirs, have already been implemented. The nobles in Tumult are about to get very uncomfortable as every laborer in the city begins to refuse them. They are standing together. This is growing beyond you. Because they are not alone, which means neither are you," she says.

    "Really? Which ideas?" I ask, my blood pressure rising as I think about what this means. I have mentioned a lot of things from Earth that could replace the systems people were used to. I didn''t know what would work best in a world of magic, so I just spread as many ideas as I could from Earth. The people in this country had spent their lives under mind control, convinced only one system of society existed. Even if they hadn''t, everyone always believes the current state of society is the best it can ever get. So instead of just ideas I like, I have been distributing everything I can remember about all sorts of theories and ideas. I am also not as good at this part as some of my friends back on Earth, but there are plenty of brilliant people here. The more I share the more they''ll be able to come up with their own alternatives.

    This is what she means by ''my ideas'' so I am more than a little curious how the beginning of this revolution is forming. She glares at me, making it clear this is not the time for questions. "They are refusing Potestian coin and using mana vouchers. Stop getting distracted, you can ask Ed all about this later. The point is that they are not powerless. They are not powerless, because they are fighting, together. So you don''t want to feel powerless? Come back to me. Make a plan. Talk to the thousands of people you helped bring together. And do not tell me how I''m ''too important to fight with you'' unless you are willing to fight alongside everyone else. You aren''t hiding your face anymore, Annie. You aren''t trying to stay lowkey while you sneak slaves out of the city. You don''t have to fight alone."

    I dip my head a little, properly chastised. "You''re right," I answer. And she is. The truth is, I have grown arrogant. I have grown prideful, after killing the king. With my damn title like some kind of super-hero. The Mage of fucking Mourning. "We are going to win. We are going to win because our enemies are powerful. They know they are powerful, and they are drunk on pride. And pride is just an uppity name for stupidity. But I wasn''t being any different. I''m sorry."

    "Yes. You were being stupid. Look, I''m not asking you to stop fighting. I know you won''t. I don''t even want you to, not really. I know you will be out there killing nobles and slavers in a day. But I refuse to watch you kill yourself because you want to do every single thing on your own. I... I love you, Annie. I love you in a way I don''t even understand yet, but it cuts into my chest and pulls my heart out. When I thought you had died, I was so desperate. I would have done anything to get you back! I was so hurt, so betrayed. Because we are just getting started, you and I, and you almost threw it all away. I could have killed you. Never again. Promise me you will never do this again," Sara demands.

    "I don''t know if I can promise I will never take a risk again," I start to a sharp, pained look on her face, "but I can promise I won''t charge in like an idiot again. I will only risk what I have to, when I have to." I hold up a pinky, a gesture she recognizes by now and she grabs it with her own. It''s a bit funny, her conflicted face and the pinky promise. But even goofy, childish things can feel serious at times. She finally lets out a sigh and slumps over, resting her head on my legs. I adjust myself in the bed to make it more comfortable for both of us. She seems relieved, and she has shifted from my old legal ''Anne'' to ''Annie'' which was functionally my actual name on Earth. She must have been pretty pissed to use my legal name, which she knows no one but my mother had spoken since my... first childhood.

    "He was dead, by the way," Sara finally answers. "I don''t know what happened, but you seem to have taken each other out." That makes sense. Bombs tend to do that. Good fucking thing I had a similar mana to his or I really would have died. I sigh in relief, then something occurs to me.

    "Wait, that is a lot of organizing for an afternoon... How long have I been out?" I ask.

    "Two weeks," Sara sighs and my face pales. Two entire weeks? Holy shit.

    "Has Ed gone to the capital yet?" I ask again and she nods. I am about to remark on this, when my whisper sphere, the one connected to Godfrey, lights up on my end table.

 Chapter 18 - Family Loyalty

    Edward

    I take a deep breath as I emerge into the road outside Lillith''s old tavern. The city isn''t quite like my sister described it, but it couldn''t remain that way forever. There are people walking the streets, if few that will make or maintain eye contact. I do get a few glances as I look around with bulky goggles on. Sarafyna says Lillith designed these and some lady named Clarisse finished them. Supposedly they will warn me if some weird light that can make me sick like Lily is around but I haven''t seen anything. I''m not sure how light is supposed to do that or why I need goggles to see the special danger light but... I sigh. It still irritates me, but I don''t really understand half of what Lillith talks about.

    My sigh quickly turns to a traitorous yawn, then a scowl. I haven''t been sleeping well since... well I haven''t liked my glass mana as much as I had at first. Lillith had suggested I be creative with my aspects, and I thought this had been a great idea. But now I can''t close my eyes without seeing the man in the wind and the glass, and what was left of him when my spell ended. Even now my stomach churns at the thought. But I told Lillith I would handle the capital and I intend to. Or at least, I intend to find out what I can about the circles targeting her. I owe her that much.

    Because, well, I am a fucking ass. Because I thought I had gotten over the damn pride that made me so, so angry at her. I thought, when I realized what she was actually going through, when I found a woman I loved who admired me in return, I could leave that coward behind me. The coward who used his brother as a distraction to run away. But when I had people relying on me, when I had to do what Lillith does all the time, I choked. I didn''t have the stomach for it. I am still inferior to my own little sister. Which is why, when Sarafyna told me Lillith had died... A small part of me was relieved. No, a part of me was happy. Happy that she had failed and I succeeded. That I would never feel like I had to look up at my shorter sister again.

    I was upset. I was heartbroken. I couldn''t accept that I had lost her. But I was also happy, deep down. Then she turned out to be alive, somehow. I don''t understand it. Her body was shredded. Not quite like the man and the glass, but I barely recognized her. But she was alive, and Sarafyna was able to heal her. All but the scars she already had, which I struggle to understand. It makes me wonder if she keeps that scar on her eye on purpose, just to taunt me. Except the sickness is still there as well. And I had been relieved. I had been so happy, and a little disappointed. That sad little coward is still alive in me, and I need to crush him.

    This is the first step. Go into the city that is safe for me, and dangerous for Lillith, and figure out how to make it safe for her again. If I can do that... if I can stand in the city where I am stronger than her, and give that up, maybe I can let go of all of it. It''s worth a try at least. So I make my way back to the circle I have been experimenting with. Or, well, the place I know a circle is. Based on Lillith''s description, I was able to identify it by the replacement of mana stones with torches. I also brought a stone, enchanted with light mana. It basically just emits a soft light all the time. If it goes out, I know I am in an anti-Lillith circle. It will also let me know if I succeed in breaking one.

    That thought makes me scowl. The Collector damned Mage of Mourning. That is a way better name than ''recovering gambling addict'', the only title I have earned. And she has the largest city in Potestia structured entirely around repelling her. The whole fucking world bends to her will, and she just shrugs it off before marching into some lord''s house and blowing herself up. I have to shove those thoughts down as an old resentment boils up. I need to focus. I walk into the familiar neighborhood and, as expected, the light in the stone vanishes. I look over at the pit I have been digging for the past few days and groan.

    At this point I want to just aspect earth mana, but I have been struggling to get any third aspect. Maybe I''ll drop glass for earth. In any case, if the circle is underground, I''m not going to find it. And, although I am in a poor part of the city and anyone who does see me quickly turns away, I''m not going to be able to hide this pit forever. So I go through the same song and dance I have been through every day that I''ve come out here. I wonder where else the circle could be. It seems to actually run through the center of two buildings, and it''s not in the sky, so I can''t picture where else it would be. This leads me to the conclusion that it must, in fact, be underground. The same conclusion I reach every day.

    I am digging right at the border where my stone light goes out and returns. I consider digging in another spot, but that simply doesn''t make any sense to me. If this is the border, the circle should be on it. But I have already done a lot of digging. I idly start tossing the stone up and down in my hand as I debate my next course of action. I''m not making any progress. I suppose I could go back and get an earth mage but... I don''t know. I really don''t want to rely on someone else. Sarafyna has cleared me of this ''cancer'' each time I''ve come back so it should be safe at least. But doing that would feel like giving up.

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    I start tossing the rock higher out of frustration. I can''t think of anything. I summon a little wind and start tossing it higher and higher, using the idle action to help me focus. The rock bounces up, I let it fall, then I lift it a little higher with the wind again. This is a little game I''ve played with myself to help master my wind magic, and it''s beyond easy at this point. I haven''t dropped or lost control of the rock in a long time now. Not until... today. I toss the stone up near the top of the building nearby, and immediately drop it to the ground when it lights up. It dulls again as I drop it, and remains that way until it hits the ground. My eyes widen as I realize the problem.

    It left the circle with elevation. Lillith explained these circles should affect the area both above and below them. She says they do have an upper and lower limit for range, but it''s a long one. Longer than I should have reached with my little game. Then it occurs to me, we are entering the city using an underground tunnel. I figured it didn''t hit Lillith because we come out pretty close to the wall, but what if that''s not the case? What if these circles aren''t vertical, but horizontal? That would cover more of the city with fewer circles, wouldn''t it? She did say it hit her from rooftops, which does pour cool water over that idea at first but... I realize it is probably both. Why not? This is... irritating, to say the least, but it does seem likely.

    I need to get inside this building to test my theory. I am so excited about having a theory, I don''t think much about how, and find myself knocking on the door before making a plan. It''s not until after I knock that I realize, if my theory is correct, it could be any building next to this one. I also have no idea what to say to whoever answers. Well, whatever. It''s not like Lillith was thinking when she got herself blown up. The worst case here is I embarrass myself. I am nevertheless relieved when no one answers. I jiggle the handle to find it''s unlocked as well. So I shrug and walk in.

    The building is empty; it''s clearly been abandoned for a few years now. A few steps in and I can see why. It''s a two-story building, but I can only guess what its intended purpose was. Any method of reaching the second floor has been removed, along with half the second floor itself. Mirroring this is the ground which has been dug out, foundation and all. Along one wall is exactly what I have been looking for. A large magic circle has been carved into the wall. I don''t understand the runes like my sister does, but there is little doubt this is what I''m looking for. I tilt my head curiously as I look at them. Most of the runes are old and worn. I can see spider webs in a group of them. Only the center rune, which completes and activates the circle, and a few others I don''t recognize appear to have been carved recently.

    Someone has been drawing these for years. I guess that answers Lillith''s question about how they reacted to her so quickly. She figured King Godfrey must have known a bit about what she was doing already, but this indicates a much greater depth of planning surrounding her. They were ready to shut her down fast, whenever they needed to. I shiver at the thought. It''s nothing short of good luck her plan involved leaving the city when she did. We could all be dead now. I hesitantly approach the circle on the wall. I can''t reach on foot, as it is half submerged in the earth and I am still on ground level.

    I quickly form a small but powerful gust of wind and fire it at the center rune. The wood it is carved into is old, and all I need to do is break it. It holds up to the assault surprisingly well so I pick up a stone and toss it into the wind. I use this stone to hammer at the center rune until, a moment later, it cracks, and the circle breaks. My feeling of triumph is very short-lived, and with it dies the part of me that thought maybe Lillith was the only one rushing into stupid situations. It turns out enchanting a stone to indicate whether a dispersal circle is nearby isn''t an original idea. As soon as the stone breaks, stones, boards, and debris all around me light up like one of Lillith''s blinding spells. In case that isn''t enough, loud screeching noises assault me from all directions at once.

    I stumble back, trying to regain my bearings as the clear alarm screams at and blinds me. A hand grabs the back of my shirt and I feel myself being dragged from the building at speed. Collector''s grace, I hope I am not being arrested by a bunch of fucking knights. That would be just my luck. I had one job and I got arrested immediately. Whoever grabbed me pushes me out a window I think? They then drag me to another nearby building and throw me inside. Everything is bleary, my ears are ringing, and I''m seeing doubles. As the world hovers around itself and the doubles collapse into one, I look up to find a masked man glaring down at me.

    "I see your whore sister has been rubbing off on you," he snarls. "The Ed I know never would have done something so stupid." My ears are ringing and my head is pounding. The Ed he knows?

    "Do I fucking know you?" I ask, then I see him barricading the door with wood magic and remember something. Tall, masked, wavering aura, wood. "Wait, are you that bard? The one my ''whore sister'' beat with a few baubles on a nightstand?" The bard glares furiously at me.

    "You used to be so smart and mature for your age. It breaks my heart to see you bowing down to your own kid sister. And here I thought Henry was the only eunuch in the family," he chides before pulling his mask off. "Well, it''s nothing that can''t be corrected."

    My heart stops for a moment, then tries to beat out of my chest. I can''t believe what I am looking at. "D-Dad?" I ask in a faltering voice.

 Chapter 19 - Benevolent

    Lillith

    Typically, Sara will leave when Godfrey calls. Not out of any particular obligation, but she doesn''t have the history with him that I do. Today, however, I don''t have the energy for him alone. As the sphere gently vibrates, I share a look with my sweet girlfriend, my eyes pleading and hers confused. "Do you mind hanging around this time?" I request and her face softens.

    "Me? I..." she pauses, "I won''t have anything to contribute. I don''t want to distract you or anything..." she hedges.

    "I think you''d be surprised. It doesn''t come out often, but when you are upset, or passionate, you certainly don''t seem to have trouble finding something to contribute," I tease and she blushes.

    "Yeah but... this isn''t really the same thing as that," she counters and I smile.

    "No, but I don''t need you to talk to him with me. I''m just... not done being around you yet. I''d like you to stick around just for support, if you''re up for it," I suggest and she blushes more.

    "At least you''re smart enough to ask for support this time..." she mumbles and I chuckle.

    "Thanks, Sara," I smile, "besides. If I convince him to give up his crown, he''ll need suggestions for a new hat." She bites back a laugh at this, and I finally pick up the sphere, which stops vibrating the moment I do. "Lillith here," I say cheerfully.

    "Collector''s grace, Lillith? Where have you been? I thought you might be dead!" Godfrey immediately scolds. I raise one eyebrow and share another look with my girlfriend.

    "A lot of that going around, recently. None of you should worry so much. I''m sturdy. A brick house. Mighty mighty, and all that," I quip.

    "Lillith, you passed out mid-sentence and stopped answering my calls. What was I supposed to think?" He protests and I actually snort.

    "I don''t know. That the person half your city is structured around eliminating is gone? I don''t know, ''Well, that''s done,'' is what I might go with." I joke.

    "Lillith, I don''t want you dead, I just want your help. Those circles are to help you. To stop you before this gets out of hand!" He complains and I sigh.

    "I know, Godfrey. It''s why you call, and it''s why I answer. I don''t suppose you are ready to take the crown off and get some real work done?" I suggest. It''s Godfrey''s turn to sigh.

    "Lillith. We can''t take shortcuts here. Do you really think people can exist in the world you want to build? I''m old, and I''ve known a lot of people. A lot of commoners, a lot of nobles. And yeah, this country hasn''t been kind to most of them. But they aren''t kind to each other, either. This country is filled with commoners like your father. Like all the slavers you have fought. Do you really think, if you take the crown from them, they will be able to exist in a society that depends on kindness? Generosity? That is going to fall apart. I am offering you a chance at change with structure!" he argues.

    That one does bite a bit. Because he is wrong about the solution, but he''s right about the issue. Well, sort of. My communities have been mostly doing well so far. Few of them actually work in a way that I would choose myself, but most of them are, truth be told, better off than I would expect. This is largely because they are composed primarily of the former dregs of society. The rejects and slaves who, before they left Potestia, already needed each other to survive. The wealthier and middle-class groups I''d helped more recently, after the new laws put them newly in danger, went and formed the shit pile known as the Kingdom of Endings. I''m glad to know Tumult is taking some steps forward, but there is some truth in Godfrey''s complaint. They have thousands of years of poisoned worldviews to shake off.

    "No, you''re right," I respond after a moment. "Potestia, when we are done with it, will not look like the world I want. Not while I''m alive, anyway. I would be surprised if it did. Because you are right. Potestia has spent too long ignoring, dismissing, and crushing anyone and everyone that it found inconvenient, or wanted to walk on. Commoners, like my father, are as guilty of this as nobles. Wherever they were they always pissed downhill. And they aren''t going to suddenly become benevolent when they don''t have anyone to answer to anymore."

    "So you understand," Godfrey starts but I continue.

    "But you know where else there were a lot of commoners like my father? In my own family. My father raised two boys who followed his example. Both grew into good, honest men. Because that''s the thing, Godfrey. The people of ''your'' country have been drowning in poison for centuries, but it''s not who they are. It doesn''t come from them. They can, and will, come up for air if given the opportunity. Enough of them will, anyway. So you are right. There is a lot of social change that needs to happen. The world they choose in the meantime probably won''t be what either of us wants. But giving people options their fucking king didn''t pick for them isn''t the last step, it''s the first."

    Godfrey is quiet for a moment after this, but not because he is stumped. He simply wants to think before responding. Finally, his voice hums through the whisper sphere again. "That''s not going to be good enough, Lillith. What about the ones who won''t cooperate with any new way of doing things? What are you going to do about them? With no one watching them, no consequences promised for hurting the people you so badly want to protect? What happens when they start killing each other? How are you going to stop them?" he asks. His voice is calm and gentle in an almost irritating way.

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    "Well, I probably won''t give them a spear and armor. I probably won''t give them massive estates, servants, and authority," I retort.

    "Quippy. Clever as always Lillith. But it''s not an answer," he dismisses.

    "Isn''t it, though?" I challenge. "Because it''s not just a quip. It''s true that the people in power, the people enforcing your new authority? A lot of the people you are worried about hold those positions. Because either way, they will want to do harm. But only your world actively hands them the tools to do it."

    "Which is why I am here, Lillith. Because someone needs to take that power away from the wrong people and give it to the right ones. Someone needs to change this country while still leaving a country here to change! Give me time, Lillith! Help me! You are right, the way this works is wrong! I have only been king for a little while, and I''ve had to deal with more than a few other problems in the meantime. Half of which you caused! Don''t you see, with your help, I can actually start fixing this and keeping people safe in the meantime. Isn''t that a good thing? What I want is achievable! Your goals are just... they aren''t going to happen, Lillith!" he snaps back.

    "Caused by me, you say. By freeing slaves. That''s the problem, Godfrey. Your world is already falling apart without slaves. Any changes you make, you want to make slowly. Smoothly. More easily. For the people who are already comfortable. The problem you have is the wrong people are being asked to suffer for a while while you fix things. The people who benefitted from the old world. And you know what? I already told you my world is a long way off. I will do everything in my power to get there as fast as I can while I''m alive, yes. But I know it''s not the next step we are taking. I know the people of Potestia will choose something else. A republic, or a democracy, or something else.

    "They are not going to stumble from a monarchy to anarchy. I know that. I can accept that, provided they get a choice. That is what I am fighting for with them. And it''s something they can have if you just let go. But that''s where we run into a wall. It''s not the possible issues with what I want. It''s that you want to be king. You can''t accept anything short of that. And we will suffer no kings."

    "You haven''t even given me a chance to be a good king, Lillith. A good, benevolent king can solve all of this with the least loss of life! But you won''t let me try! You are so determined to dismiss the idea that it''s even possible!" he argues, the calm in his voice completely gone now.

    "Fine. Let''s say it is possible. Let''s say someone with complete power over their people can, possibly, be benevolent. A theory I take issue with, considering how power is maintained, but let''s just pretend. What happens when you die? When your grandson dies? When his grandson dies? A monarchy... any kind of absolute authority really, is the gamble that every king, for the rest of time, will be benevolent. It only takes one tyrant, Godfrey, to bring back all the worst bits of Potestia. Authority doesn''t rely on the possibility of a benevolent ruler. It requires the certainty of benevolence, all the time, every time. Anything short of that guarantees atrocities," I counter.

    "And your world requires the same of every single person! Which is more likely, Lillith?" he yells through the sphere and I twitch. Something isn''t right. That isn''t representative of what I have told him, and Godfrey is less composed than usual. His arguments are worse than usual. He is upset, especially after my last comment.

    "Godfrey," I respond, pausing for a moment, "Why did you call me today? What''s wrong?" There is quiet at this for an uncomfortably long moment. Sara looks up from giving Suzume attention and tilts her head curiously. Finally, a calm Godfrey answers.

    "Lillith, I need to know how your circle works. I know it''s a tattoo. I need you to tell me how it works," he says. I pale as he finishes speaking and the room is silent again.

    "Godfrey... you can''t put my circle on anyone. It will kill people. Even if it doesn''t, I don''t know what the side effects are. I fixed it and improved it. I used it back home... Surely some students from Satusmor have arrived with it by now, ask them to show you. It''s a safer version, and it''s powerful. You can figure out how to use it. Even make it better. But... please tell me you aren''t trying to use the one from my body!" I beg and he is quiet again. I almost don''t catch his response when he whispers.

    "You didn''t die, Lillith. Who is holding onto power now?" he accuses.

    "No, Godfrey... I was lucky, I should have died. I felt like I was going to die! I felt like I wanted to! If you put this on someone else, they almost definitely will. Even if they survive, without... what I know about the body, who knows how bad the side effects could be! Godfrey, please tell me you haven''t forced this on people!" I plead.

    "I won''t force it on people. But Lillith, I need this. The country needs this, you don''t understand. I only want to try it on a few volunteers. And it will be safer if you tell me what I am missing," he insists.

    "Godfrey, there is no such thing as a volunteer for something like this. There is no way to communicate what they are going to go through. And the people in your city are desperate and scared! They want another option so bad... that''s not volunteering. That''s just..." I don''t need to finish the sentence. Because I know he knows. And I now know why I had upset him so much earlier. Because exposing people to torture and death, with continued fear and misery in one hand and power in the other... that''s exactly what I had accused kings of doing earlier, an atrocity. And we both knew it.

    "Lillith, you want people to be equal. But you are hoarding power. You want me to give up my crown? Why can''t you give up your own position? Your own authority? Your own power? Tell me how to make it work right!" he spits at me.

    "No. The reason I didn''t share this circle wasn''t to maintain power. I have only ever used it to lift other people up. I understand what you mean, but I don''t want power, I just wanted a tool to fight back. And once I realized what I had done to myself... No, Godfrey. You know why I didn''t share this circle. Because inflicting this on people, especially people with no ability or understanding to consent... that''s the kind of thing I would kill someone for doing. It''s the kind of thing I would deserve to be killed for doing. I don''t know what you''ve already done, but please... if we were ever friends... don''t do that to people. Please, I-" I cut myself off with a cough that splatters blood across the whisper sphere.

    Shit, I''ve been asleep, so I haven''t been manually managing the cancer. I open the drawer by my bedside and pull out one of Henry''s potions, swallowing it and redirecting my mana to shave away at the hostile cells. Sara runs to my side and I feel her divine magic wash over me like warm water. Just as I am composing myself, Godfrey speaks again.

    "Alright, Lillith. I promise I won''t. I''m... I''m glad I asked you before I tried it," he agrees.

    <hr>

    Godfrey

    I stop channeling mana into the sphere and sigh over the body of the latest volunteer. I grit my teeth and clench the whisper sphere hard enough that my fingertips turn white. Stubborn little hypocrite.

    "Bring in the next batch," I order.

 Chapter 20 - Next Steps

    Lillith

    My breathing shortens as the whisper sphere goes dark. He promised he wouldn''t do it but... if he actually saw it on me in the cell, there is no way he hasn''t tried it yet. He would only ask me if he ran into a roadblock. I''ll have to hope he ran into trouble activating it at all. He shouldn''t understand the core concept of a universal center but... the circle I shared uses that as well. It''s only a matter of time before he figures it out. But... he''s not a stupid man. He knows I''m trying to bridge the gap between commoners and nobles quickly. Obviously, if I could share my circle safely I would have done that already and he''d have plenty of examples. I didn''t because I''m not stupid. I just have to hope he isn''t actually killing anyone with this.

    "Annie, is everything okay?" Sara asks, the concern in her voice pulling my eyes to her and my mind back to reality. I shudder one last time, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. There is nothing I can do about this right now. I have to focus on what I can do.

    "Yes, sorry. Just an old, arrogant mistake catching up to me. Hopefully, only me. Seems to be a lot of that going around these days. But I''m alright. When is Ed supposed to come back?" Sara looks at me with concern but sighs.

    "I''m heading out in an hour to pick him up. But don''t change the subject so quickly! I''m your girlfriend, right? Talk to me you idiot," She insists. I look at her for a moment, then shrug.

    "You''re right, sorry. Force of habit. I''ve never really talked about this with you, not extensively anyway, but... you know how when I was younger, younger here in Potestia, not overall, I designed my own magic circle? You know all about the mess that caused with Baldwin and everything but... I''ve never really told you what it was like. When I finished the circle, I mean." I say and she nods.

    "I know it changed you in ways you didn''t expect," she agrees and I nod.

    "Yes but... Sara, it hurt. I don''t just mean pain, I mean... it rebuilt me, cell by cell. It tore me apart and recreated me, not just as a mage, but as a magical space itself. It was... horrific, beyond words. I have never wanted to... hurt myself or anything like that. But when this circle was finished... I wanted to be dead. I wanted it over at any cost. For a moment, I was certain I was going to die. Even now there is no doubt in my mind that I should have died. I don''t know if I was lucky, or if it was whatever force woke me up in this world the first time. But I shouldn''t have survived it, and I don''t think anyone else who tries it is likely to. The only thing this circle is going to bring people is an agonizing death, worse than I have delivered to any of the worst people in this country."

    For a moment, Sara''s face pales and she puts a hand over her mouth. I can see a thought flicker through her eyes before she closes them. I''m not sure what she is processing, but I have a feeling it is a step further than empathy and concern. Nevertheless, she eventually composes herself and speaks calmly. "And that''s why you are so desperate to stop Godfrey from experimenting on it..." she trails off, tapping her lip with one finger. "Just to be clear, this circle fundamentally changed your body. You think it should have killed you. Is there any chance it''s the cause of the cancer? Why does it have to be something from Visenar?"

    I sigh in response to this. "It''s not impossible. Not unlikely, even, but it''s at the bottom of my list of suspects for now. It''s true I don''t grasp all the side effects. And not just because that would be a pain in the ass. But the cancer hit fast, and hard. I''ve had this circle for years. If it''s the cause, it changed years of behavior in a single day. It doesn''t add up, not on its own. And, at least until today, it would only ever affect me if that was the case. We have mine under control," I say and she gives me a half-lidded, unamused look. "Alright, we have it mostly under control. The point is, it was more important to make sure others weren''t at risk than to investigate that possibility."

    "But now..." she guesses and I snap my fingers, transitioning into a point.

    "Right. If Godfrey has this circle, it could affect anyone who does actually survive it, if anyone. So we need to start looking into it as well. But we can do that when we move!" I announce, clapping. It was delayed a bit, but we had been talking about going to live near Clarisse. Sara wants to help research transportation and I have a few ideas myself.

    "Right, and... you''ll take it easy in the meantime?" She pleads and I nod.

    "That," I announce happily, "depends on what you mean."

    "Annie..." she starts but I hold my hands up in surrender.

    "No, I promise, I won''t go charging into combat unless I have no other option. It''s about time we took some other steps anyway. I have a new idea for equalizing power in the fights to come." Sara visibly relaxes at that and as she slumps, I suddenly realize how exhausted she is.

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    "So, what are the next steps?" She asks.

    "Well, we''ve got whisper spheres all over the country in the hands of regular people. The best thing to do is get them talking. Get them to tell each other what each city lord is doing, and plan ways to fight back. The next thing we do is give them the ability," I explain.

    "You''ve been sharing magic for years Annie but... I don''t think most people will stand a chance in a fight with a powerful noble. What''s the plan here?" she questions.

    "That''s what I want to get started on. Because you''re right. What I have been doing isn''t enough to carry us forward anymore. People are angry enough now. To fight back. They are scared enough. The promise of safety if they follow the rules has been taken away. What they need is hope, and it can''t just look like me. Or you, or anyone. They need a chance to fight back themselves, and I think I can give that to them. And not just with their own magic. I''ve been looking at a few ideas over the years. If I focus entirely on them now, I think I can finish. And if you succeed, well... Potestia is fucked." Sara visibly relaxes at this, tension sliding off her like mud.

    "Thank you," she says. "That''s exactly what I needed to hear." I smile gently at her. There is something in the corner of her eyes that bugs me. Her relieved expression hides some meaning like a movement at night, just further than you can really see. I decide not to press her. Whatever it is, she''ll tell me when it matters. In the meantime, we have work to do.

    "Nah, I should be thanking you. You pulled me out of... a dark headspace. And back from the brink of death, it sounds like. Thanks for having my back, Sara. I don''t know what I''d do without you." I respond warmly. She looks at me seriously, that glint of a secret shifting in her eye.

    "I need you just as much, Annie. Just... remember that, next time, alright?" she says quietly. I can''t think of anything quippy to relieve the tension that simple request leaves, so I just reply with a barely perceptible nod. "Thanks for coming back... I should go. I''d prefer not to leave your brother stranded. I just couldn''t wait while you were still, you know..." she trails off.

    "Right. I''ll start getting things ready for the move. I have to talk to my family about it, see if they want to come with us or stay here," I respond and she turns around, closing the gap and putting her hand on my shoulder. She gently, but firmly, pushes me back down.

    "I''ve already discussed it with them. Everyone is on board. They all want you researching instead of fighting too, for the record. Clarisse has rooms set up for us already. We''ll start loading everything up when I get back with your brother. Get some rest, you''ve been through a lot," she insists. I want to grumble, but my body does feel a bit like someone filled a sock with quarters and just went to town on it. So I just nod.

    "I will need some food at some point... just saying," I protest. She giggles a little at this.

    "I''ll send your mom in on my way out. I would expect another lecture before you can eat though. She saw you when we brought you back too, you know." She turns to leave again as I pale. That''s not going to be much better than Sara''s lecture was. "I really need to get going now," she insists as she pulls a frilly hat off a hook next to my door. She reaches for the handle and pauses. "Uh, Clarrise saved you room thirteen-twelve, like you requested. And before I go, I wanted you to consider..." she takes a breath, "I thought maybe, uh, if it''s alright with you, and you can say no of course, but I thought maybe... I''d request the same... one..." I actually blush at this, and she looks like she is actually trembling with nerves.

    "Sara, I''d-" I start but she rushes out of the room before I can answer her. The door actually swings on its hinges as she flees her last remark and a grin splits my face. I pump my fist in the air in celebration, too distracted to notice the angry woman who has taken my girlfriend''s place.

    "Well. You look pleased with yourself," my furious mother remarks.

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    It took the entire walk to the Radiant Woods for my heart to stop beating out of my chest. She''ll say yes, I know she will. But it was still terrifying to ask. I want to get closer to her. Figure out how a relationship like ours should work and, truth be told, I want to keep an eye on her. This is what I was thinking when I had the idea, and building up the courage to bring it up was my primary concern until I did. It wasn''t until I got to the beach that I even considered what other expectations might be attached to that.

    So I spent the rest of the walk panicking about that. Realizing I am attracted to Annie is one thing. Fulfilling those... expectations is another. It was nice, worrying about those things, because now that I am at the Radiant Woods, I have to consider something else entirely. I hate going back into the woods. I despise it. They still talk to me every time I pass through. They still taunt me. And they hate letting me leave again. I am determined to figure out long-distance travel just to avoid this. Thoughts of living with a woman who loves me, and has expressed physical interest in me, make me sweat.

    But facing down the Woods? That still terrifies me. Something I have to be very careful to hide from Annie. She knows I don''t like it, but if she knew how it still tries to torment me, she may try and stop me from doing it. And I need to help. As terrifying as it is I need to do it. A worse option I have been thinking about ever since I found her bloodied in that mansion... she might try to confront the Woods before she is ready. She doesn''t seem stupid enough to do this but... she isn''t the brilliant woman I love when she is pissed off.

    I take a deep breath and step into the Woods.

    "How many more times do you think you''ll manage it, Sarafyna?"

    Then I am on the other side. In a cave outside of Visenar, and Ed is already waiting for me. He looks haggard and weary. His shoulders slump as he looks up at me. "Ed, is everything alright? Did anything happen?" I immediately ask.

    He takes a deep breath. "Nah, I''m fine," he answers. "Just another failed trip."

 Interlude - Hope

    Charlotte''s Journal

    When I was fifteen, I had hope again. The last few years had not been kind to me. I never forgot Amelia, and I never forgot the name Serenity. But I never got to feel the rush of affirmation when someone used it to refer to me. I felt self-conscious about everything. I hated my body, more and more with each passing day. It wasn''t me. It wasn''t my home. It was a lie I wasn''t even allowed to acknowledge. I felt sick every time I undressed to bathe. I felt sick every time I dressed again in the wrong clothing. I always felt sick.

    Then I met Lord Eric, my tutor. He was supposed to teach me to use my mana, but he did more than that. He was a kind man. He didn''t really understand me, but he understood that I was miserable. It was months of quiet acceptance and gentle encouragement before I asked him to call me Serenity. Before I told him why. I was so afraid. So scared. But I needed someone to know that I wasn''t Charles. That I wasn''t my father''s son, but his daughter. Eric didn''t really get it. He was confused, and he asked a lot of questions. But he understood one thing. He understood that he didn''t need to completely understand.

    He called me Serenity. I didn''t have another Amelia, to dream of the future with. To genuinely relate with. But I had someone who saw me. Someone who knew my name. Who taught me to use magic and treated me as myself. Who actually cared about me like a father should a daughter.

    Then, he accidentally called me Serenity when my mother was down the hall. She heard him, and it all ended. She searched my things and found my romance novels and my drawings of different dresses. She found my hair clips. She blamed it all on Eric, and she told my father. They accused him of brainwashing me. Of lying to me. Of... other things. None of it was true. All he did was care about me. But their mind was made up. They had decided what they wanted to believe, and who to punish for it.

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    Eric was brave. He actually lectured them. He stood up for me. He told them who I was and that they would lose me if they rejected that. Eric was just a tutor. I was just a child who wanted to feel safe, and knew I never would, after what happened to Amelia. Neither of us had the authority to stand up to a man like my father. But he did it anyway. There was no priest this time. They didn''t handle it while I was sleeping, or distracted. No. My father wanted me to understand what would happen if I ever used the name Serenity again. This time, he made me attend the execution.

    When we got home, all I wanted to do was cry. To hurt. To let the loss wash over me. But my father... my father had his own hurt. I had seen the whip used on the slaves. I never understood it. I knew, but I never really knew. Each hit stung, for me, and for Amelia. Crack. I felt the pain for both of us. Crack. I felt the pain for Eric. Crack. Crack. Crack. My father made me pay for choosing a new name. For choosing anything at all. I still remember his sneering. His quips about letting me have bloody sheets, if I wanted to be a woman so badly.

    His message was clear. I was his son. This meant two things. I would never be his daughter. Not in his eyes. And If I were not his son... Eric''s noose would fit just as well around my neck.

    When I was fifteen, I lost hope.

 Chapter 21 - Birds of a Feather

    Lillith

    Ed was the only person in my family that didn''t yell at me. Henry brought Autumn, who clearly felt a little awkward about the situation, and even Gil got mad at me. It must have looked bad if Gil managed to notice. Ed, on the other hand, just seems upset. When Sara brought him back home he was happy to see me recovering but had no new ideas about bypassing the circles in the capital. Nevertheless, he insisted he would make progress and asked Sara to bring him over for longer periods of time. Sara is fine with this, so I am too.

    Honestly, I''m just happy he didn''t yell at me about recklessness. I have now been so thoroughly dressed down that it''s a wonder I have anything left to wear. With all that out of the way, it is time to finally move everyone to Clarisse''s building. Well, everyone who wants to come. Sara and I will be staying together, provided she stops blushing for long enough to let me agree to her suggestion. From my family, Henry, Autumn, Mom, Ed, and Mariah will be joining us. Peter and Sara''s dad will be coming along as well. Gilbert, August, Leo, and Charlotte are staying behind for now, at least until Leo is ready to face the world again. Gilbert has a detailed web of relationships he can''t extract himself from and August is staying with his parents who, truth be told, have zero interest in following me anywhere.

    I will still see them frequently, as we promised to help Charlotte transition. We have, regrettably, failed to do this with the consistency I had hoped, what with my now famous fuck-up leaving me unconscious for so long. I''m excited to actually get into it. I realized something, while Sara was picking up Ed and I was packing up Suzume''s toys. My problem is, essentially, that I have spent so long in a constant state of tension that I nearly forgot what it''s like to, well, not be stressed out of my mind. I still have to be stressed, of course. We have mountains of ice to melt. But... I''ve helped build a good thing here. A safe place. A lot of them, actually.

    People are in danger, but we are giving them options. Communication being key among them. There is a clear reason the church has been limiting it. It''s got to be the most dangerous tool revolutionaries could have. And when they are ready, I''ll be right there next to them, fighting. But in the meantime, I actually have a little breathing room. I can spend a little time with my family, who I am finally on good terms with. Start enjoying a relationship for the first time in this life. Do some fucking research for a while. Yeah, lives depend on it which makes it high stakes, but damn. I missed just doing a little science without looking over my shoulder. Just a little science, as a treat.

    "Is everyone ready?" Sara asks as we pull up a couple of carts to the border of the Radiant Woods. As usual, I feel queasy the closer we get, but I have gotten accustomed to the feeling. This is one thing I need to focus more on as well. Burning these fucking woods down. But I have no idea where to start.

    "I''m Gucci," I reply.

    "Where do you hear these strange words?" My mom asks before nodding in assent to Sara.

    "Little Lily lives in her own little world," Henry dismisses. "We are good over here!" Next to him, Autumn looks a little sick herself as she faces down the Woods.

    "Uh, y-yeah," Ed agrees. "We are ready." He looks down at Mariah''s now undeniable baby bump and gulps.

    "Ready to go, Mom," Peter calls, holding his grandfather''s hand tightly. It''s cute how Peter started calling Sara ''Mom''. The two have gotten extremely close over the years and I''m pleased she has fulfilled that role for him. Unfortunately, I suddenly start wondering what he''s likely to start calling me eventually and my face pales. Alright, let''s not follow that line of thought any further. Thankfully, Sara, satisfied that everyone is prepared, interrupts it for me.

    "Alright, everyone. Hang on to your hats," she calls, then puts her free hand on the trunk of the nearest tree. Just like that, as always, we find ourselves immersed, if briefly, in a strange forest. The tree she touched remains the same but my nose burns with the pungent smell of a Bradford pear tree. I swear we have entered near one of those more times than makes sense, considering the biodiversity of the Woods. It''s like the Collector, unable to kill us while we are in the Woods, is taunting us. Possibly me specifically, if it somehow knows about my correct opinions on pears. I dismiss that idea, it''s not like anyone can eat the fruit of those ones. If it is intentional, it''s likely just to assault us with the repugnant smell the plant is famous for.

    Pretty goddamn petty for an endless nightmare forest, or an all-powerful deity, or whatever this little shit is. But what do I know? I''m just an interdimensional lesbian. Before I can ponder the question further, Sara leads us back out of the Radiant Woods and into the mountainous terrain surrounding one of my favorite vertical communities. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as we escape the uncanny smell of rotting fish the tree had been exuding. Well, everyone but Sarafyna. She has a scowl on her face, and not one that seems to be inspired by a foul odor.

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    I turn to count the members of our party, making sure no one got lost in the hell woods. Everyone seems to have let go of each other and is checking through their luggage. I sigh in relief. We''ve been using the Woods as transportation for a few years now, but I still get a little worried whenever we pass through. Especially as the Woods has possibly started to react to us. We are never there long enough that it can harm us, and Sara seems to be faster at moving us than the Woods is. Nevertheless, I will be relieved when we have an alternate option.

    I turn back to Sara, whose worry lines are trying to engrave themselves on her face. She appears to be, quite literally, hanging onto her hat as she nervously pulls the brim down over her eyes. "Hey, Sara," I call out as I walk toward her. "Everything alright? You seem a bit..." I pause for a moment. "Not Gucci?" The question is awkward but it helps smooth out the frown lines on her face.

    "No, no, I''m alright. I just have a lot on my mind," she replies.

    "Is it about the room? Because, although you never let me reply properly, I would love to move in with you! I think it''d be great to see more of each other than we are now," I say. Then I worry that she is actually regretting the request and hastily add, "If you still want to, of course. If not I''m happy to wait on it. I know your family will be pleased to keep you around."

    She blushes as if something just occurred to her, then pulls her hat further down over her face. "N-No, I still want to!" She assures. "I''m looking forward to it! Although, I did want to clarify something about that. It does have, uh... two bedrooms. So..." It''s my turn to turn a little pink at this. We haven''t talked about that particular topic much, since Sara is still sort of figuring herself out. I''d actually assumed that much. It did still give me goosebumps when she revealed she had been wondering about it. I guess I understand why she has been off. It was pretty cute, all things considered. Unfortunately, I am a terrible person.

    As such, my response is an intentional misinterpretation that turns her pink crimson. "Woah, kids? Already? Sara, I love you and all, but this is just moving too quickly. I mean I''m sure you can figure something out with your fancy divine magic, but if you don''t mind, I think you should take the other room for now instead." She looked up at me with a look of sheer panic not seen on a woman''s face since my best friend confessed his crush on me in middle school.

    "N-No, I meant, I wanted-" she stutters, then her panic turns to true fear. Before I can process what is happening, her body starts to transform. Her mouth splits to her ears and boasts multiple tows of teeth while one arm tears through her blouse, expanding in size to make a massive chitinous surface.

    I don''t have the wherewithal to respond like I would if someone else was attacking me. All I can think is, well, this has got to be in my top ten worst and most unexpected break-ups. Maybe in my top five, even. Unfortunately, it''s not the only one on the list caused by a dumb joke. Her massive arm swings at, and then behind me. I flip around just in time to see a carbon arrow tear through her makeshift shield, her muscles contracting around it just in time to stop it from piercing my skull. Fuck. I don''t know what the fuck is happening, but a lot of people we both love are all around us.

    Thankfully, we were all close together to avoid getting separated on the trip. Sara is literally hissing in pain behind me and my eyes bulge as I realize her blood has splattered across my face. I want to soothe her, but there is no time. Another carbon arrow splits her chitin and flesh and her hiss mixes with a scream just as I peek around her. The second I can see everyone, I put up a dome of force mana to protect my family. "Sara, they''re safe, you can drop that and heal!" I yell as I flip around. The second I do she is already letting her shield fall and the wounds are stitching themselves back together. The arrows fall to the floor like discarded garbage.

    I pull her into a brief hug and whisper "Thank you," before releasing her. We both run to check on our families first. We can respond to whoever did this when they are safe. They are all crouching behind the carts, uninjured, and Sara and I share a sigh of relief. "Where did that come from?" I immediately interrogate and Sara gasps.

    "I... I don''t know," she replies, her arm fully healed and hanging from a hole where her sleeve once was. "I just... I looked up and someone was aiming at us. Annie, they were inside the Woods..." she says, forgetting to use my Potestia name.

    "Over there!" Ed calls a moment later, peeking over the cart and pointing past the treeline. "H-how is that possible?"

    "Must be another divine mage," Henry guesses, hugging Autumn close to his chest.

    "But... how did they know where to find us?" Autumn protests a moment later.

    "It doesn''t matter, we have to stop them, now," I respond.

    "They look like..." Ed starts, pausing. "Lily, they look like some kind of giant... bird? Is it one of the monsters from the forest? Did any of them know magic?" he guesses and I raise an eyebrow.

    "I... I don''t think so? Maybe the Woods are changing them, to hunt us. Sara, we have to go after them, we-"

    "I''ll go alone," she argues. "Stay here, Lily. Keep this shield up. I''ll get one of them. Trust me, and stay back.

    I want to argue. I don''t want to send her while I hide back here. I want to actively help. I don''t want to fear for her while she is gone. But she is right. I can protect everyone here, she can''t. She can move freely through the woods, I can''t. And I promised her I wouldn''t make stupid, arrogant decisions. So, I nod. "Come back safe, alright?" I plead.

    "I promise," she agrees. Then, before my eyes, her body melts like wax and forms into something not unlike a giant crow, but with six wings, a red hue, and a lot more claws. I let her through the force barrier, and she disappears into the woods.

 Chapter 22 - Hat-Trick

    Sarafyna

    My eyes grow sharper with my claws and talons, and my ears keener. I fly directly into the Radiant Woods I was so desperate to escape for so long, and as soon as I do it taunts me.

    "Do you really think this will change anything?"

    The moment I pass the first tree, I am aware of everything. I can feel the woods around me. They are endless and extend in all directions. From the outside, it feels like they grow in little patches on the planet''s surface, like distinct areas. But once I am inside, the sensation nearly flips. Like the borders of the woods circle little isolated sections of reality. It gives me the same uneasy feeling it always has. The same sense of wrongness, like a sound whose origin moves whenever you approach it.

    "This is reality, Sarafyna."

    I focus for only a moment and immediately find my targets. There are three figures together. I can immediately tell they aren''t part of this... hell. They aren''t victims like me, but interlopers of some kind. I assume priests at first but that doesn''t feel right. The Woods are moving them away from me, or trying at least. We haven''t played this game in a while but I have only gotten better at it. I am no longer the nearly mindless monster Annie pulled out of here. I can move through the Radiant Woods like I own them. Faster than they can move priests, or whoever these people are.

    "You can''t keep her here."

    It''s something like swimming in oil, shifting through the Woods. The filth of them slides across me as I move from one spot to another, easily tracking the fleeing trio. I wonder why the Woods don''t do as I would and take them directly to a border to escape, but my thoughts are quickly cut short as I fly over the trees and see two of them ascending to meet me. They don''t feel like the victims of the Woods, but they clearly aren''t human either. They have wide, feathered wings growing from their shoulders, a joint that is shared with more traditional arms. Feathers decorate all of their visible skin, sparing only their faces and hands, not unlike an ape.

    Their eyes are sharp and angled like a hawk, and they have beaks instead of mouths. Before I know it, the one on the left, the one with brilliant emerald-colored feathers, begins to cast. ''Those feathers would look lovely on a hat'' I think in an indulgent moment, until I see the same strange arrow that nearly killed Annie flying at me. Then I grow angry. Whoever that is, whatever species they are, they tried to kill Annie. I fly at them with the speed I''d practiced outside the city for years, spiraling past the spell.

    The other bird... person forms and fires the same spell, forcing me to veer out of the way at the last moment. Then, both create some kind of mana barrier with a similar green tint to Edward''s wind mana. It turns and flows around them, warping the air in a way I am wary of. It also catches their wings at odd angles, throwing them into sharp turns and impossible maneuvers I could never pull off in my current form. In the moment it takes me to analyze what they are doing they have already separated and flanked me, one above and one to my side.

    I don''t have Lillith''s general combat sense. I have mostly fought priests, unused to enemies capable of questioning them at all, much less fighting back. Whoever these are, they are far more prepared for resistance. Something about the priest comparison sets off a red flag in my head, but I can''t quite pin it down. The moment''s distraction is a moment too long, however, and before I know it both of my opponents have moved. And one of them is closing the distance rapidly. I barely manage to shift in the air and dodge as a blade of the same material as the arrows swings through the air I had just left.

    Dodging isn''t enough to protect me entirely, as the complex wind barriers catch my own wings and throw me down toward the trees in a roll. The world spins and I feel a ligament somewhere tear at the ferocity of the sudden change, and I have to rush to heal it quickly. It took them a matter of seconds to completely disorient me and turn me around. Thankfully, we are in the Radiant Woods. I know where everything around me is, all the time. Had we fought anywhere else I wouldn''t be able to find them, much less react. But we aren''t anywhere else, so I can see the second enemy descending on me with a massive javelin, preparing to skewer me before I can recover my bearings.

    I can''t right myself in time, but I haven''t needed to in years. I abandon my current form, returning to something, not unlike the formless monster Annie found wandering these woods. My flesh becomes smooth and translucent, and I expand it outwards, leaving a hole in the middle for the bird creature to plummet through. I see its eyes widen as it does exactly that, abandoning its weapon to reach taloned fingers toward any flesh it can reach as it passes. This I don''t mind at all, accepting their talons like I accepted the priests, dissolving them on contact and absorbing their mana.

    A screech escapes its mouth as it withdraws its hands like it just touched hot coals, and it continues to fall through me. As soon as it is clear, I rapidly reform my wings, then body, choosing to grow them so I start upright rather than rotating. I immediately begin flapping my wings slowly and deliberately, regaining altitude. It''s a short-lived victory. As soon as I have avoided the first, the second enemy is throwing a new form of mana at me, this time in a sickly purple color. I have no idea what it is, but as soon as it hits me the world stops making sense. I can''t discern directions or distances, sounds are too loud and everything spins despite the direction of my body.

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    At the same time, another wind attack assaults my wings and I feel myself lurching across the sky. Or down? A moment later a massive branch breaks through my spine and erupts through my gut, painting itself with blood and bile. I cough and my own acid comes out. The world is still spinning. But it is only spinning for my physical senses. I clench my eyes shut and focus. Slowly, I am able to discern the layout of the Woods again. I am able to spot all three of my enemies, two in the sky and one some distance away on the ground. I quickly modify my body, just to end the pain and aid my focus.

    "Well, that was easy enough," a masculine voice jokes. "One chimera down, think we still have time to take another crack at the Queen?" he asks.

    "Nah," a feminine voice replies. "She knows we''re here now. We''ll get her next time she moves." The two hover in the air, using both mana and wings to stay in the same spot without too much movement. They are next to each other now, right in front of the branch they impaled me on. They are smirking at me.

    "Well, make sure it''s dead," the man voice orders.

    "Me? You do it! Did you see what it did to my talons? I''ll need a fucking sage to get this healed! You do it!" she protests.

    They believe they have won. But they tried to kill Annie. And they will try again. It''s obvious why it seems like this is over. They can''t see me healing. And I couldn''t close the distance when I was moving freely. Even if I could, I couldn''t get around their wind or whatever other disorienting mana they are using. But, I don''t need to. I am in the Radiant Woods. As soon as I am done healing, I shift through the world. Here, moving small distances is as easy as long ones.

    Before either can react, I am directly between them, my leathery wings colliding with their feathered ones and sending us all toward the forest floor. As both my enemies struggle to free themselves from me, I extend arms turned tentacles toward them both, growing quills and spines to bite into them as I wrap both waists. "It''s... it''s a fucking sage!" the feminine voice cries from what I can see is the cobalt creature while the other caws in pain. Immediately I feel the pain of their arrows piercing my body from all directions but I bite back the cry they try to summon. They tried to kill Annie, and I was going to find out why.

    I feel blood building in my throat, but I simply reform my body around it. I grip the two more tightly and immediately feel crunching. Their attacks grow more desperate for a moment, but I have them now. It was too easy. My tentacles begin to grow around them, enveloping their bodies in flesh. "W-what are you doing?" the cobalt one pleads, "w-wait, we can-" she starts but neither of us gets to finish what we start. None of our wings are free and we all collide with the forest floor with a sickening splat.

    I feel my own flesh separate and scatter with the impact. My blood immediately paints the surrounding flora and I feel several of my own bones crack. It hurts, but I have been the complete master of my body for a long time. The wounded bones melt into nothing as my body returns to a gelatinous shape. My formless flesh spits out the remains of the strange arrows that had torn into me, and I quickly form a human head and arms from the top.

    I look down to see both of my opponents dead where we landed. They were... oddly fragile when I finally made contact. Their own blood decorates their clothes and one large, snapped feather on the emerald one seems to be releasing more of it than any other body part. The thought of the brightly colored feather adorning a hat is no longer enticing. Instead, I am starting to feel a bit sick. They weren''t monsters of the woods. They have clothes, even. They spoke to each other. They knew the exact same spells for some reason. And if they hadn''t been here, in the Radiant Woods, they would have been able to outmaneuver me entirely. These were people, and not ones who were desperate for death. They weren''t priests, either.

    But they were people who tried to kill Annie. I set my jaw, then turned as I felt the third approaching. I don''t know why this one didn''t fly up to help, at least not at first. I feel their mana before I see them and I tense. They are moving quickly, far faster than I have seen anyone but Annie move. When they emerge from the trees I shift, allowing them to find their dead friends. Or rather, allowing her to find them. This one isn''t the same as the others. She has an obviously feminine build. She isn''t human, either. From the sides of her head grow ears like Suzume''s. They grow from the same place as anyone''s, but extend to the tops of their heads and point up. She also has a tail and strangely shaped legs.

    She howls as soon as she sees the mess of her friend''s bodies, then flips around. Her back arches and fangs present themselves from her mouth. I don''t care to find out what kind of mana she has. No doubt she can throw me around as easily as the others, and I want to bring her back alive if possible. Something courses through my veins whenever I am here in the woods. An instinct to kill. Something I cultivated when I was alone and it hurt to allow myself to think. But I bite it back. I need to ask why. I step on a twig and she turns and runs in my direction immediately, but I shift the woods around us.

    She recovers her footing astonishingly quickly, running on all four limbs, but I am no longer in the direction she had been approaching. I make another noise and she turns again. I shift. Again and again I do this, until finally I make a noise and she fails to respond. I shift us again, and make another noise, then another. We have flown past cacti, massive trees, fields of flowers, and deep rivers, and she is already distraught. I can hear her breathing deeply. I can see her eyes bulging. Then I shift only myself so I am behind her, and I immediately envelop her head in gelatinous flesh. I don''t dissolve it, however. I just deprive her of air.

    Her struggle is immediate, claws tearing into me furiously. It doesn''t matter; she might as well be tearing at water. I heal faster than she can damage me. Her struggling grows more desperate the longer she goes without air, all four limbs nearly breaking themselves in their attempts to wound me. Finally, she begins to slow. Instead of attacking, she pushes two hands into me and tries to force her head out. I just allow the flesh to give, enveloping her to the elbow and denying her leverage. Her struggles weaken, then slow and finally stop.

    It''s time to take her to meet my girlfriend.

 Chapter 23 - The Cat Girl and the Mean Girl

    Lillith

    I look down at the unconscious woman, bound to a steel chair in a pair of Clarisse''s own flavor of mana-restrictive cuffs. Once we got her back to the main building and got her mask off, we discovered the nose, mouth, and fur of a cat to match her ears and tail. They aren''t quite right, as they conform more to a humanoid skull, but it''s very clear what they are. It was very clear to Suzume as well. She is usually the sweetest ray of sunshine to descend upon either world I have lived in, but a single whiff of this woman and she was hissing from the wagon the entire way here. All of this to say, what I am looking at is a cat girl. Finally, some proper isekai adventuring.

    Of course, this particular cat girl tried to kill me with the help of some bird people and an ancient unknowable hell forest, so we aren''t off to an amazing start, but time will tell. I''m sure I simply need to demonstrate the ability to walk in a straight line and say ''Hey girl, I see you,'' and she''ll be head over heels for me in no time. I sigh as the comical scene plays out in my mind and look up at my companions. Most of our families are unpacking, but Sara and, for some reason, Edward, want to be here to talk to our new friend when she wakes up. "I''m more attracted to eldritch girls anyway," I mutter.

    "Eldritch?" Sara questions.

    "Girls?" Edward adds, and I remember I haven''t actually been clear about the nature of Sara and I''s relationship with everyone in the family. With the drama of displaying it in front of the stewards of the Kingdom of Endings and making no effort to hide it in front of Clarrise, it had slipped my mind. Especially since we are sharing a room here, but I suppose in Potestia few people would assume two women alone in a room were interested in each other. Ugh. I have so many things to do. So many stressors. And now, apparently, I have people coming out of the damn Radiant Woods to murder me. Moving people around is going to get complicated if it''s more than these three.

    "Uh, I''ll explain later. Suffice to say it just means something incomprehensible, possibly maddening," I answer. Sara and Ed look at each other in confusion.

    "You mean eldritch?" Sara asks.

    "Girls?" Ed asks again.

    "Yes," I respond, again not clarifying to whom. "You uh, really knocked her out, huh?" I deflect instead of getting carried down that rabbit trail. Catgirls aside, this is extremely serious. The Woods have found a way to fight back.

    Sara blushes. "I may have gotten a little carried away," she admits. "But... they were powerful and well coordinated. I don''t know if I could have won, otherwise." I nod. I wish she had grabbed a sample or two from the bird people; I''d be fascinated to study them. But I am glad she came back in one piece. I did not care for my time as a goalie while she did the fighting.

    "Do you think we can wake her up?" I ask, looking with interest at the white whiskers protruding from our captive''s cheeks. I can''t figure out what they are actually for. They don''t extend past the sides of her head, ending fairly quickly instead. She also has none over her eyes, and if there are any on her arms or legs, they are covered by clothes. They don''t seem to have a functional purpose. They are either entirely vestigial, used for something completely different than a normal cat, or not a result of evolution at all.

    "Uh, yeah I think I can do that," Sara agrees, approaching the chair. She places one hand on the woman and closes her eyes. A moment later, the captive''s eyes fly open and she immediately hisses at me, before looking around with wide, panicked eyes. Her pupils fill the majority of her eyes in an unsettling way and her tail actually bushes up like a raccoon.

    "Hey girl, I see you," I try and her head snaps to me. Her head flicks up and down, first to my hair, then eyes. Her hair seems to actively frizz as she looks at me and she only responds with another hiss. "Well, it was worth a shot. Let''s start over. My name is Lillith. You may know me from that time you tried to shoot me in the head. This is my girlfriend, Sarafyna. Really takes your breath away, doesn''t she? She''s a sweetheart but she does have something of a temper, so sorry if she made a bad impression. And finally, my brother Edward. He''s a nice guy, however he might smell. And you are?"

    Her breathing is heavy and rapid like a wounded animal. She bares her fangs at me, and I just wait, smiling at her. She looks at Sara and me with clear fear, then Ed with confusion. "Lillith has no brothers," she protests quietly. I look over at my brother with a raised eyebrow.

    "Well. That is alarming news. Which one of us is adopted, do you think?" I ask. Ed looks at me with bewilderment. "I don''t know, we look pretty similar. I think I might have brothers. You didn''t answer the question, do you have a name or should I assign one?"

    "No one has ever mentioned a family," she challenges again, glaring at my brother.

    "Felicia it is. If you don''t mind, Felicia," I sigh, "I''d love to know exactly who failed to share my apparently alarming family registry with you. Who, and why. Whenever you''re ready."

    "What kind of question is that?" She snarls in response, "The whole world hates you! What do you mean why? Now let me go!" I look at my two companions. Ed shrugs.

    "You aren''t exactly popular right now, Lil," he suggests. He''s not wrong. There is certainly a type of person who finds me more than a little unpleasant. Sara blushes.

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    "I like you," she counters and I grin. She smiles back.

    "See that Felicia? Sarafyna likes me. So the whole world doesn''t hate me, do they? I''d love to narrow it down some. Like say, who specifically told you about me?" I press. "And what do they specifically want?"

    "I didn''t mean your chimera pet! My mother told me about you, who else would? I don''t understand what you are asking me!" She yells and my mouth opens a little in confusion. That is... not the answer I was expecting.

    "I''ll admit this isn''t the first time a girl has taken issue with me at her mother''s insistence, but uh, I have to say I don''t think I''ve actually met yours. And your mother sent you to kill me because?" I ask and she growls.

    "My mother didn''t send me to kill you! How does that make any sense?" she retorts. We examine each other with bewilderment. Again I look back at my companions. Sara just tilts her head and looks at the cat woman with consternation.

    "Don''t ask me, neither of you is making any sense from where I''m sitting," Ed dismisses.

    "Alright, we aren''t getting anywhere. Why don''t you just tell me your story, Felicia? Where are you from, and why did you come here? Can you do that?" I suggest.

    "Why would I?" she spits and I look around the room.

    "What does this room look like to you?" I ask. She looks around as well with confusion. At the bed, then the large windows and the trees growing through them, as well as the kitchen through the door to the room. This gives her pause.

    "A... home?" she answers and I nod.

    "Right. It''s a home. Not a cell. Not a dungeon. Just a random empty home. It may be a tactical error, but I''m going to be honest with you. That''d be because we don''t have a dungeon. No jail. No prison. I''m a bit sour on the whole concept, truth be told. That does present a few concerns here and there, but only one of them matters to you. That is, I am not going to keep you captive. You and I are going to decide if you are dangerous to innocent people, or not. If you aren''t, well, we can move forward from there. If you are, well. We won''t.

    "Now, I don''t know much about you. I know someone with you tried to kill me, but I don''t know to what extent you were involved. I don''t know why. I don''t know if you will do the same to anyone else. It would be a pretty good idea for you to fill in those details. If you won''t, I''m not going to hurt you. I''m not going to torture or interrogate you while you bravely withhold what information you have. I''m just going to come to a decision, right here and now." I stare at her, and Ed stares at me. She sets her jaw while Ed shudders.

    "You aren''t very practiced at interrogations, are you?" She sneers in response.

    "Nope," I reply immediately. "Like almost all people, I have zero experience interrogating my own attempted assassins. I''m pretty cool with that, truth be told. I haven''t gotten nothing, though. I know you aren''t from Potestia. Admittedly, the ears gave it away. We do speak a common language, which is interesting. But I also know you have strangely selective information about who I am. You know enough to call Sara a chimera. A bit rude but it does imply you know more about me than almost anyone here. But you didn''t know I have brothers, which everyone in Potestia does, by now.

    "You hate me. Apparently everyone where you live does, although I don''t think I''ve ever been there. In other words, I''m fucking famous in a country I''ve never been to. Don''t get me wrong, I get it. I''m hot. I have cool hair. A voice like an angel, or so Sarafyna tells me. But I haven''t been on TV in a while so I''m not really sure why you know all of that. And here''s the thing, if I am famous, then it''s not even a damn secret, is it? So just tell me what I''m so famous and reviled for that you''d want me dead! Is that so hard?"

    Felicia and Sara both gape at me for different reasons. "I didn''t say she had the voice of an angel..." Sara murmurs under her breath.

    Finally, Felicia responds, ignoring Sara. "You really have no idea why I am here? You, Lillith, Harbinger of Endings? The demon queen here with a chimera sage in the middle of an invasion, and you have no idea why we would want you dead? I thought you were just playing games but you really are clueless. We are here to end your invasion! To kill you before you can start the war we have spent our entire lives dreading! How sick are you? Of course we are going to fight back!" She yells and I blink. I look at Sara and blink again.

    "What? Demon queen? Bitch I don''t even like Dairy Queen. What the fuck are you going on about? I''m like, eighteen, dude. I''ll give you that I''m involved in revolution in Potestia, but that''s it. I''m not invading anywhere!" I am truly at a loss now. ''Harbinger of Endings'' is alarmingly close to my actual name, and the intent behind it. The demon queen shit is obviously propaganda but why? Who have I pissed off outside of Potestia? My best guess is the Collector. But that crotchety old asshole hardly talks to anyone and hasn''t been doing much with his priests. He has, in fact, been suspiciously docile. I had been prepared for much more pushback when I decided to use the Radiant Woods in my plans.

    I suppose this must be why. Instead of fighting a battle he had little control over, he went out and started spreading rumors behind my back to people I hadn''t met yet. The Collector: Ancient, evil god and resident mean girl. Well fuck you Regina.

    "You are invading. You have crossed borders and set up military outposts all over the world. You are bringing your demonic soldiers from the third plane to the first, and you are showing no sign of slowing down. A demoness from the third plane starts moving armies into our territory and you want me to believe you have peaceful intentions?" Felicia challenges.

    "The third plane?" Ed cuts in, asking the question for all of us.

    "What, like... hell right? You think we come from hell? I''ll give you it''s full of rich people, so I understand the confusion, but no. We are just from a shitty country," I answer.

    "I know where you are from, Lillith. Everyone knows where you are from, and what you are here to do," she replies. I look back and forth between everyone in the room and sigh.

    "You know what, this is a bit of a risk, but we are going to have to make a decision about you one way or another. Perhaps if I give you context, you''ll more freely give me some. It''s not like this setup is free from spies anyway. How would you like a tour of my demonic military outposts? We can continue this chat after that," I suggest. I''m not certain how safe travel is going to be between communities now. I''m not sure how safe individual communities are, even. And I need to know. So I''ll start by clearing the air with the catgirl, and see if she will be more open then. "What do you say, Sara, are you up for that?"

    "Yeah, I don''t mind," she agrees.

    "I, uh, I''d like to join you," Ed requests and I shrug.

    "Sounds like a party. So, Felicia, what about you? Would you care for a little context about my demon army?" She glares at me, her pupils narrowing in a predatory way.

    "My name is Ember," she finally answers.

 Chapter 24 - Curiosity

    Sara and Ed are resting while I show Ember around. We are starting with the community we are currently at, for obvious reasons. The two are taking a break before we hit the Radiant Woods again. Everyone is understandably nervous about that trip. So I am handling this bit alone, with Sara''s approval. "And this," I announce, gesturing to my brother''s lab, "is where my brother makes drugs. The guy with the messy hair is Henry, my youngest older brother. The pretty girl is Autumn. They''re special friends. Hey guys, this is Ember. If all goes well, we aren''t going to try and kill each other soon." I am honestly amazed at how quickly he got this set up. And at how attentive Autumn was to his work before we arrived.

    Autumn blinks at me while Henry''s focus is on some kind of herb he is grinding. "Um, hello. Nice to meet you. Are you a, uh, cat?" Autumn responds. This question is more successful in grabbing Henry''s attention and he immediately looks up. I guess people try to kill me too often for him to take special note.

    "Huh," he says after a moment. "Are you?" Ember growls at this.

    "I''m an Ailur, not a ''cat''. No more than you are an ape," she responds. Autumn and Henry share a look.

    "Why would Autumn be an ape? She doesn''t look like an ape?" Henry asks.

    "That''s a long story," I respond, "One I am interested to learn our new Ailur friend is aware of, actually. Suffice to say she is a person. But we can talk about that later. You mind telling Ember what you are working on? I''m trying to give her a decent idea about the type of community we have here." Henry puts his mortar and pestle down before rolling his right shoulder, massaging his wrist at the same time.

    "Yeah, alright. I assume you''ve seen the plants growing all over the building, poking into everyone''s home?" Henry answers easily. Autumn looks at him like he''s insane, but Ember doesn''t seem to notice.

    "Obviously," she answers.

    "Right, well, these are largely protected from insects and other hostile influences using mana. My little sister there designed an artifact that scares them away with sounds people... er, humans can''t hear. Our friend Clarisse created one that uses various scents. Some people use little barriers around them, but this is pretty mana-intensive. We have a lot of little tricks like that to maintain these, but I''m trying to design an alternative. A mist-based potion to protect all the plants. They are our primary food right now, so redundancy is never bad," Henry explains.

    "An insecticide? Those are toxic," Ember challenges and I raise an eyebrow. I grow more curious about her culture the more she speaks. I suspect it has not stagnated at nearly the same level as Potestia''s.

    "This one isn''t," Henry dismisses. "Well, it won''t be when it''s ready to actually use anyway. That is an interesting name for it though. What''s it mean exactly?"

    "It means something made for killing bugs," I answer. This time Ember gives me the quizzical look.

    "Huh. Well, it''s not for that. Not trying to kill the little guys, just scare them away. I''d be interested in how the ones you mean are made, though. Or are they made? I guess if they are toxic you probably have little use for them, right?" Henry answers.

    "I could think of a few uses for them," Autumn mutters and I let a smile paint the corner of my mouth.

    "And what are you hanging around here for, Autumn?" I inquire. She jumps a bit but straightens her back.

    "Well, I didn''t exactly have much of a plan for my future a few years ago. I was supposed to get decent at basic magic and enter a political marriage. That''s changed, now. So Henry is teaching me alchemy!" she announces. Oh, of course he is. I hadn''t pegged Autumn as the type to find Alchemy interesting, but I guess I hadn''t pegged her as the type to find anything interesting, really. Nobles sort of have an air of... do-nothing, about them. Perhaps not fair to apply to people like Autumn who willingly gave up their noble titles.

    "Oh that''s awesome, he''s a good teacher. Taught me to read once upon a time. Very patient but knowledgeable at the same time. I''ve heard recent rumors he has inappropriate relationships with his latest students though," I joke and Henry scoffs while Autumn blushes.

    "Patient my foot. It took you less time to learn your letters than it takes Gil to get dressed in the morning," Henry laughs.

    "Figures," Autumn laments. "It''s honestly rude how quickly you picked up mathematics." Ember''s examination of me only intensifies and I remember why I brought her here.

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    "Well, I had a head start in some ways. Anyway, we have a lot of stops to make today. We gotta go collect Sara and Ed, I want to give her a tour of some other settlements," I respond.

    "Already? After you got attacked on the way here? Are you sure that''s safe?" Henry asks, worry suddenly tainting his voice.

    "Yeah, I know. Don''t worry, I won''t push myself. I''ve got Ed and Sara. No one is getting past Sara in the Radiant Woods. I don''t have to push too hard while I''m there either, truth be told. Besides, I thought we''d head back and visit Charlotte first. She may not be interested in fighting Potestian mages but I suspect she is a dangerous person to attack anyway," I assure.

    "Still, be careful," Autumn adds and I nod.

    "I promise. Take it easy you two. Don''t do anything I wouldn''t do," I say. Finally, I nod at Ember and we start to head back to the room I am now sharing with Sara. "So what do you think? Of our first big evil military outpost of demons? That kid with the prosthetic was particularly scary, right? Wait until you meet my buddy Ozzy. He''s got the heart and temperament of an angry Lion."

    Ember looks at me appraisingly as we walk. Her focus is so intense, she doesn''t notice the people staring and pointing as we walk by. At my leisurely posture, at her black fur, at the cuffs she now wears in front of her body, and at her digitigrade legs. Maybe they are just looking at our stark height difference. I''m a bit short and she is... definitely not. Which biologically makes sense considering the aforementioned legs. In any case, it''s all lost on her. We are in front of my new room before she finally answers me.

    "I want to see all of them," is all she says. That''s progress I can do... oh goddamnit. All means all. I pause before opening the door.

    "All of them... as in... all, all?" I ask and she glares at me.

    "Yes. The nexus has shown us everywhere you travel, so I know how many places you have invaded. I want to see all of them," she repeats and I groan. I''d very much like to avoid visiting the Kingdom of Endings. ''No no, I am not the demon queen, harbinger of endings! These people, referring to me as the queen of endings? No, that''s unrelated.'' Yeah, that''ll go over well. Whatever, I can save them for last. Maybe she''ll come around before then. I decide to change the subject for now.

    "The nexus?" I ask, "What''s that?" She looks at me with narrowed eyes before clicking her tongue and looking forward. After a moment of silence, I decide she isn''t going to answer me, so I open the door. I have to smile when I walk inside. The place is a mess. Half-unpacked luggage is everywhere, with almost nothing in place. Almost nothing. On one wall, at least two dozen hats have been neatly displayed on various hooks and nails. I walk into the next room and find my two favorite girls on one of two beds. Sara and Suzume are both fast asleep, both sprawled out, side by side, and both on their backs.

    As I walk in Suzume is the first to notice, looking up at me without rolling over and trilling, until she notices Ember behind me. Then she immediately regains her footing and hisses. This wakes Sara up who looks at me with hair that resembles a half-styled afro of tangles. "It''s alright Suzie," she whispers before looking at me with bleary eyes. "Time to go?"

    "I mean, you can get the jungle on your head sorted first, if you like," I offer. In response she shakes her head a little and, with the aid of divine magic, her hair is perfectly styled and smooth a moment later. "Well that''s not fucking fair," I protest and she grins at me.

    "One second," she says before running to her hat wall, scanning it for a few minutes, then selecting a feathered bycocket. If it were green instead of black I''d think she looked like a femme Robin Hood. "Ready," she announces. "How did she like the place?" Ember growls at this and I pout back at her in a slightly mocking way. She isn''t saying anything to indicate she is receptive, but I think somewhere, deep down, she is. Having her preconceptions challenged is having an effect, if not a visible one. Because however she looks and growls, I can feel the tiny seed of grief she keeps trying to fight off.

    It doesn''t take long to collect Edward and get provisions for the trip. Half an hour later and we are headed toward the Radiant Woods again. "Alright, Ember. Now is the time. I need to know how dangerous this is. Are we going to be ambushed as we approach the Woods? Will there be more people waiting to kill us? Tell us now. The only chance we have at sparing them is if we see them coming. The only chance we have at sparing any of you is if we aren''t surprised," I say, looking directly into the taller woman''s eyes.

    She pauses for a moment, then shakes her head. "N-no. No, I don''t think so. We... weren''t supposed to attack you at all. We were scouts. It was... It was Skia. She saw you undefended and thought she could be some kind of fucking hero. No one is supposed to attack you unprovoked," she admits. That certainly does explain some things. And is a point in favor of ''not a danger to innocent people.'' Short term anyway. Scouts can be pretty dangerous. Still, if that''s true, she didn''t actually try to kill me herself. She just... didn''t stop her friend from doing it. Yeah, alright that''s not amazing either but there is still a lot I don''t know.

    Ed asks the next question before I get the chance. "And if any other scouts see you, cuffed and accompanied by an infamous demon queen?"

    Ember pauses at this. "I... don''t think they will just attack. It depends on who it is. And how dangerous they are. But..." She pauses, not wanting to give military secrets away, but hesitant to give up on seeing more. She has already seen enough to have more questions, and probably doesn''t particularly want to die. It''s true some soldiers are willing to do just that, but not nearly as many as the movies imply. "I don''t think so," she finally repeats. I look at her appraisingly for a few moments. Then I give Sara a questioning glance, and she gives me a gentle nod. Finally, I create a shield of force around all of us.

    Here, so near the Radiant Woods and the intense grief contained within, my mana is completely invisible. It also takes very little effort, so the risk of my cancer fighting it is relatively low. We should be safe if Ember is wrong, or lying. "Well. Alright then. Let''s go meet some more friends," I announce, and we approach the Radiant Woods.

 Chapter 25 - Changes

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 Chapter 26 - Invaders

    Lillith

    This is not going as well as I had hoped, but it is going better than I expected. Ember''s revulsion to the magical altering of the body surprised me. It also connected a few dots. I don''t know who or what the Collector, or the Nexus as Ember calls it, is. But either its influence extends past Potestia, despite the lack of worship it receives, or its taboo on changing the body has a common source. It could be a coincidence, it''s not like people responded universally well to transitioning on Earth after all. But it feels the same.

    As far as I can gather, tattoos and piercings don''t elicit the same strong reaction. At least Ember didn''t react to mine or anyone else''s. And it wasn''t the lack of respect for gender as a law of reality that seemed to throw her. It was the very concept of changing the body from its original design. Except in Sarafyna''s case, because she is a sage, apparently. I have to assume this refers to her divine magic. Her mention of other sages concerns me, especially since I get the feeling they are the rulers of her country in some way. It was bad enough when the national religion had mind control powers, but if all of the country''s leadership does? Well, I wouldn''t want to live somewhere run entirely by Baldwins.

    And of course they have some sort of special exemption from the taboo. Still. Her outrage had the easy tone of a child echoing their parent. Like a belief wedged into her like thorns, but lacking roots to hold their place. This is important. We have visited a couple dozen communities now. Places with elected leaders, others that chose leaders by drawing, and my favorites, the ones with organizers but no established authority figures at all. I have introduced her to people all over the world now. Former slaves and Mages of Penance. Dozens of different ways of life that different people have been allowed to choose.

    One thing she hasn''t seen is a military force. Anything to indicate we are invaders. She has seen people living their lives for the first time. Listened to their stories. She had nothing kind to say to any of them. Not a word of comfort or a hint of compassion. Outwardly, she was nothing but hostile. But I am hopeful. Because this entire time, she has been fostering a deep grief. It resonates through her bones like music and twists her. It is a rope, knotted around a wooden stake. It''s a stake she has held through her heart for so long her flesh has grown around it. Into it. But I can feel it. If I grab that rope and pull, I can tear it out.

    It will be painful. It will be bloody. And it will leave an open, empty hole behind. But it will be something that can heal. I don''t know what she is comparing everything she has seen with. I''ve never seen her home, and I''ve never met her family. But I know that what she has seen is not what she was told she would find. It''s so easy to believe strangers are invaders. A malignant force creeping into your home. It is sickeningly easy... until you meet them. Until you meet their children and hear their stories. Until the foreign monster is revealed to just be another person.

    She has resisted this every step of the way. This is always the way. To find ways to dismiss their personhood. To vilify them and curse them. To justify fear in any and every way available. But I can feel it failing. I can feel the truth burrowing its way into her. So this isn''t going as well as I hoped. But yes, it''s going better than I expected.

    "There is one more," I hesitantly admit. "I''ll be honest with you, it''s not our best. In a way, it is more depressing and pathetic than anything you have seen so far. In another, it will be the closest to what you are expecting. You asked to see all of them, so I''ll show it to you. But truth be told, I''d rather not. I think you know enough to know what I stand for, and this last place... it''s not what I stand for." I leave it at that and Ember is silent for a while. We walk through the green field near one of the more democratic communities in the middle of an open plain. She actually lowers herself slowly to the ground and sits, her tail flicking behind her. It''s an impressive feat with her hands bound.

    Again I look at her legs and wonder why a bipedal creature would still have that structure. It explains her height, she''d have to be that tall just for balance. Then I examine her face for a moment, shrug, and sit down next to her. Ed and Sara share a glance and join us so we are all sitting in a circle. "You are still invaders, you know," she says and I scoff.

    "Invaders, are we? On all this unused land. Providing for ourselves. Asking for nothing but a safe place to live our lives. What are we invading, Ember?" I challenge.

    "You crossed our borders and built entire cities on our land. That''s exactly what an invader is. A fucking colonist," she retorts. And sure, I guess we are literally colonists, but not in the way she wants to believe.

    "We aren''t what you''ve been told, Ember. We aren''t the forces of hell. We aren''t the first wave of some superpower here to drive you from your homes and take it for ourselves. These people are refugees, occupying unused land because their home wants them to be slaves," I answer.

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    "Occupying our land, past our border," Ember corrects and I roll my eyes.

    "We crossed your border so we are invaders? What, you drew a squiggly line on a paper somewhere and if anyone crosses it they are an evil demon you have to drive away? That''s a child''s game, Ember. You play that in a sandbox and then you grow the fuck up. You don''t base decisions about actual people''s lives around it!"

    Ember scoffs. "You''re hardly objective about this. But we aren''t getting anywhere. I want to see the last one. I don''t care if it''s your least favorite. Show me," she insists. I sigh. Well fuck. But I suppose we weren''t going to get anywhere with half the truth anyway.

    "She was going to see them eventually, Lil," Ed shrugs.

    "Uh, can I wait outside this time? I keep getting weird looks when we go there," Sara requests.

    "What, they don''t like sages? Is that why you don''t like it there? I don''t care about that, plenty of people don''t like the sages," Ember replies.

    "That is actually very interesting. See, it''s not that bad, just telling me a little bit about where you''re from. But no, not sages. Assuming I understand you correctly, I don''t think I am a ''sage''. That''s all Sarafyna. No, it''s lesbians they don''t like. I kissed her in front of them on a recent visit when they were trying to set up a marriage for me. Anyway, one thing led to another and I couldn''t exactly go with her on the next visit. Sorry about that, Sara," I explain.

    "Wait, what?" Ed startles, "You two are... courting?" Oh right, I keep forgetting to talk about that with them. The relationship is still new and I was planning on coasting for a while longer, but I guess we aren''t doing much to hide it.

    "Yes Ed, we are courting. Don''t worry about it," I answer. I''m about to elaborate but I see Ember staring at me with a previously unreached intensity. "Uh, hey girl. What is it? Don''t tell me you have a problem with it too, do you?"

    She blinks, then shakes her head. "N-no, I don''t care about that. It doesn''t... the stories never mentioned the chimera being intelligent, much less romantically involved with you, but it doesn''t matter. I suppose prophecies are always vague. But... you aren''t a foreign sage, are you sure?" she asks.

    "Prophecy? Seriously? You have been talking about some bullshit prophecy this entire time? Come on man, that''s an even worse reason to hate me than the squiggly paper line! But no, I''m not sure. I can only guess what you mean by ''sage'', so I suppose I''m not sure I don''t qualify. Care to share with the class?" I say. Ember looks back and forth between us, her mouth closed and calculations running across her eyes. Finally, she lets out a breath.

    "A Nexus sage. Someone who can control and manipulate nexus energy. Weren''t you both using it to... weren''t you both using it back there?" Ember asks. So she does mean divine magic.

    "No," I shake my head. "I was just using regular mana. I just use it to help direct Sara. If that magic is what you mean, then yeah, that''s all Sara. I''m just the trophy wife." Ember examines me even more intensely at this. Then something occurs to me. "Wait, why did you assume I was a ''foreign'' sage and Sara was a ''local'' sage? What''s that about? We are from the same country."

    She looks at me for a moment. She opens her mouth to respond, pauses, and I can see her expression shift as she changes course. "You just talk like a foreigner," she finishes. What does that mean? I talk like a foreigner?

    "What? Do I have an accent? Wait we both talk like a foreigner to you," I protest but she looks away stubbornly. "I don''t talk any differently than anyone else here. I mean, I''ll give you I say some eccentric things but..." And then it hits me. I do, in fact, speak differently than anyone else here. Or rather, I talk about different things than anyone else here. It''s obvious, really. She is in contact with the Woods, or Collector, or Nexus, or whatever you want to call it. The same entity that tortured Sarafyna and told her she was in hell.

    In a way, Sara is local in a way I am not. They all are. They may have been born across different borders, but I am the only real foreigner here. The way I trail off doesn''t go unnoticed. Sara''s eyes widen as a similar realization dawns on her. Ember''s eyes narrow as she watches me work out what she means. Ed, still reeling from my casual coming out, slackens his jaw as he tries to figure out what everyone else is reacting to.

    "I thought you said you weren''t a sage. Why lie about that?" Ember questions and I hold my hands up in protest.

    "I didn''t! I don''t have divine magic! Or nexus powers or whatever. I just... look, what do you mean by foreign? Are there ''foreign'' sages in your country?" I ask as she examines me.

    "What''s going on?" Ed interjects but no one turns to respond. Sara''s scars begin to grow more pronounced and her fingers lose their shape as she prepares to defend me as our guest grows more agitated.

    "I think you know what I mean," she accuses. "I have never heard any local speak like you do. About the things you do. But I''ve heard plenty of it from the sages. But I don''t know why I should be more open while you continue to lie." Well fuck. That is about as much confirmation as I need. I''m not the only one. There is someone else like me here. Multiple people. This only introduces a million questions. Are we all from the same place? How long have the others been here? How many of them are here? What does she think I''m lying about?

    "Alright," I say. "I am a foreigner. I''m not from this world. I''m older than I look. I had an entire other life in another reality. All cards on the table here. So. Will you tell me about your sages now?" I ask. Edward looks at me like I just spit up on myself but Sara only looks concerned. Ember looks hostile.

    "Yes, I figured that out. I''ve suspected it since I first woke up. But you are still lying. I know this because every foreign visitor is a sage. If you couldn''t control the nexus, you couldn''t come here. So why are you lying to me?" Ember replies.

 Chapter 27 - Trade Offs

    I''m supposed to have gotten here by divine magic? I suppose that does make sense. Magic may be real, but nothing I know about mana indicates it can bring a mind across worlds. The workings of divine magic, on the other hand, seem far more nebulous. If anything brought me here, it seems obvious that would be it. Still, I don''t have it. If I did, I certainly wouldn''t be fighting the urge to vomit at the thought of one more drink of Henry''s medicine. Ember glares at me with an intensity and certainty so severe, I wonder for a moment if I''m wrong.

    I hold my arms out to my side and half shrug at her. "If I could do what Sara can, I would be doing it, babe. I''d be a real menace to Potestia with that under my belt. But I can''t. All I''ve got is mana, comfortable shoes, and a tendency to bite. I promise you, I don''t have divine, err, nexus magic," I protest.

    She narrows her eyes. "I''m not an idiot. Foreign sages can''t change their bodies. How do you think I knew Sarafyna was local? You''re going to have to do better than that," she counters. That is... interesting. My hand absently moves to the scar on my cheek that Sara has never managed to heal. My mind wanders to the cancer we have struggled to fight. All the time she was unable to help me with my own changes. In fact, all she has really been able to do effectively is heal me to the same state she had found me in. In fact, she isn''t the only one.

    Baldwin had tried to change my body too. And what had he succeeded in doing? Nothing but reverting my own alterations. She is wrong about my ability to change my body, but she is right that I can''t use divine magic to do it. All my life I have been resistant to divine magic in one way or another. "Why?" I ask, forgetting entirely about her suspicion and focusing on the implications of this claim. She shakes her head like I just sprayed her with a water bottle.

    "What? I don''t know why, you tell me! What does that matter? Look, you can''t leave one world and enter another without manipulating the Nexus. So you have that ability, what''s the point in hiding it at this point?" Ember asks again.

    "An excellent question. What would the point be? Think about it, Ember. Why have I done all of this today? Why have I shown you everything a scout could possibly want to know about me? Every dangerous secret and vulnerability of everyone I care about?" I ask. "Sure, I want information from you as well. That''s obvious. But it''s also a hail Mary. Or, uh, a huge gamble. I''m trying to save your life. I''m trying to find out if I can afford to." She scoffs, although it feels half-hearted.

    "You can''t kill a restrained prisoner. That''s a war crime. Besides, I saw everything you showed me today. I''ll admit, you aren''t quite the monster from the stories. If anything, you are soft. You let these people walk all over you. Take advantage of you. You offer them whatever they want in exchange for nothing. You don''t have the stomach to kill someone who surrendered. Someone with no chance of fighting back against you. You overplayed your hand on that one," she dismisses. I share a look with Sara, then shake my head.

    "Damn right, I''m soft. I love people, and I love when people are safe and comfortable. As you''ve seen, I''ll do a lot to give them that opportunity. But none of them had that chance before, Ember. You heard how some of them grew up. They didn''t win this life by luck. They fought for it, and I fought next to them. I will do a lot to give that to them. I have done a lot. You think I won''t kill you because of those cuffs? Because you ''surrendered''? Well, you''re right that I don''t want to. I don''t kill unless I know someone needs to die. But I don''t let people walk away from me if I know they are going to cause pain when they leave. And we don''t have a fucking prison. There is no convenient dungeon to usher you into.

    "I am showing you all of this because this is all or nothing. I met you because your friend, as you claim, tried to murder me. Because you came here treating refugees as invaders. That''s not a lot of points in your favor. But I don''t know you, or your country. I don''t know if you actually wanted anyone dead. I don''t know what your job actually entails. I don''t know enough yet to know that if you walk away, you will cause pain. That''s why you are alive. Not because I won''t kill you in those cuffs. Because I won''t kill you yet. And because, however you present yourself, I can feel your grief. So no. I don''t have a reason to lie to you. Because you are either safe, or you are a danger to these people. And if you are a danger, you are dead."

    A stiff breeze blows through the meadow we sit in and Ember''s eyes remain fixed on mine. The tension in the air is oppressive and I see Sara fighting the urge to lash out against this woman. Finally, she speaks. "Alright," she replies. Her voice still carries an edge but it has dulled significantly. I can see in her eyes that this at least she believes. "I''m sorry. If you are not a sage, can you tell me how you made it to our world?" She is more demure, but clearly set on getting to the bottom of this. I guess I am essentially the boogie man to her. Which is... weird to think about.

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    "I have no idea," I reply. "I died. Twice, I think." Sara flinches at this and my eyes flick to her, but return to Ember. "First, in my old world, then in this one. When I, as Lillith, died as a child, I... woke up. I woke up and I remembered the lives of two women. A Potestian child and an American woman. I don''t know if you have any reincarnation myths, but that''s what happened to me. I am both women. I think I always have been. I have no memory of moving from one place to another. I certainly haven''t used any ''nexus magic''." She gapes at me, and she''s not the only one.

    Edward looks like I got a solid grip on his underwear and pulled it all the way over his head. "What in the third plane are you talking about Lily?" He protests. "Died? Twice? When did you fucking die?"

    "When I was sevenish, I think. When I got sick, remember?" I answer casually.

    "I remember thinking you had died but... wait is that why..." he trails off before catching sight of Sara idly playing with her hair with one hand. He immediately begins to interrogate her on her lack of response while I focus on Ember.

    "You claim you died. So you, as you are now... this is a different person than who you were before?" She asks. She has either accepted that I''m not lying, or recalculated the position she is in. Either way, I am happy to get as much information as I can. She has clues I have wondered about for years.

    I shrug. "Different body at first. Lord knows if I had done it on purpose, I wouldn''t have gone through puberty twice. Your turn. None of your sages got here this way? How do they use it?" I interrogate and she begins to scratch at the fur behind one ear while thinking.

    "No one really knows but... they are all sages. What I know is they use Nexus magic to step from their world to ours. I don''t know why and I don''t know how they find us. But I''ve never heard of one dying first and having a new body here. How did you die? Are you certain that''s what happened?" She has completely moved on from her suspicion and hostility now. There is a look in her eyes I can''t interpret, but the throbbing grief has started to fade as well.

    "Pretty fucking sure. I wasn''t hit by any truck. I was pushed from a high rise. Not sure there was much of me left to magically move myself here. I definitely died."

    "What''s a high rise?"

    "Tall building."

    "You could survive that."

    "No like really tall. Splatter height, I think is the technical term. I''d also already been shot."

    "With what, a spell? Arrow?"

    "Bullets. Like faster, angrier arrows."

    Ember looks at me and I look back. Both of us seem to have forgotten that I was threatening her life a moment ago, and her friend had threatened mine earlier. For the first time since meeting, our interest in the same topic was allowing us to resonate. We also, apparently, forgot my brother was in the middle of a meltdown. In the awkward silence that followed the angry arrow comment, I finally looked over to see my brother staring at me, genuine hurt in his eyes.

    "Lily... who are you?" He asks and I gulp. I suddenly feel like an absolute asshole. I am so used to handling the insanity of my life with flippancy, I didn''t consider how this would hit him. In a way, this is the root cause of years of discord between us. The change in me when I died. The secret I kept for so long. Of course it would hurt him, and I wasn''t even talking to him when I revealed it. I am a little disgusted by how thoughtless I was being.

    "Oh uh, listen, Ed," I begin but he just shakes his head.

    "You know what, we''ll talk about it later," he waves off, irritation clouding his voice like smoke, "I think the rest of the family should be able to hear what you have to say. Just... keep unloading on this stranger who tried to murder you instead. I need some air." He stands and storms off, muttering to himself.

    "I''ll make sure he''s alright," Sara offers, standing herself. "Be careful, Annie." Then I am alone with Ember, whose eyes are locked around me like the jaws of a predator.

    "Alright. So you died," she continues, somewhat rudely ignoring the drama that just started in front of her. "You aren''t a sage. So let me ask you. I have heard a lot of stories in the past day, but little about how people went from slavery and abandonment to here. Can you tell me about that?"

    I nod. Ed is right. I should talk to the entire family about this. I should have a while ago. Once they learned about the Radiant Woods and my plan to kill the king, they could have handled it. I was stupid. I''ll finish handling this, and prepare myself for that later. "It''s simple enough. I got here and discovered the people in charge thought their subjects were things. So I killed them. And I kept killing them, while Sara helped me bring their victims here. Everywhere, really. And I intend to keep doing so." She stares at me, her pupils narrowing to thin slits.

    "And your king? He didn''t try to stop you?" she questions.

    "He just tried to keep himself safe and comfortable. He didn''t care about anyone else. Killed him too," I respond. Something clicks into place for her as soon as I say that. I feel the numbing grief return in force and her face softens, her pupils growing wide enough to nearly fill her eyes.

    "I want to make a deal with you. I will tell you anything and everything you want. I will guarantee I am safe. I will stay wherever you are, if you like. I will help you with your revolution if you need it. I''ll even wear these cuffs every day," She offers and I raise one eyebrow.

    "In exchange for?" I prod and she takes a deep breath.

    "Help me kill the sages."

 Chapter 28 - Out in the Open

    I couldn''t promise to kill the sages for Ember. I don''t know enough about them, their positions, or their culture. The same reason I wouldn''t kill Ember once she wasn''t an active threat, really. All I have is Ember''s assurance they are evil. Ember also panicked at the evil of a woman''s medical transition, so I''m not ready to cut my hand and swear her in as a blood sister I''d kill for. She is, in fact, a bit of a... well, little shit. Still, I won''t just dismiss her offhand either. She hasn''t told me why she hates them, but if someone reacts that way to someone else, you don''t dismiss it. I wouldn''t have in any case but the level of grief she felt when talking about them... I intend to learn all I can about these ''sages''.

    Fortunately, that was enough to make the deal. Just the promise that I intend to see for myself and will help her kill them if they need to die. If they are what she seems to believe, keeping her here may be more like sheltering a victim than anything. Either way, she is safe from them and we are safe from her going back. She didn''t even make me go back to the Kingdom of Endings. We can move forward now, and with more information. Truth be told, I would have been happy with one completely dysfunctional country to overthrow. But I can add this to my fucking backlog if I need to.

    In the meantime, Potestia needs my focus. I need to figure out how to help just as much without fighting on the front lines. I need to give regular citizens the option to fight back without me. And I have to act while they are still distracted by their own internal power struggle. After all of that is over, well. They are going to have a lot of focus left over for the woman who killed the last king. Her and all the free labor she stole away with. Apparently, the fucking Collector will help them find us too. That is the biggest concern Ember revealed, just by showing up.

    She isn''t a divine mage. As far as she claims and Sara could tell, neither were her avian friends. Our greatest advantage has been location. The enemy couldn''t reach us because only the priests could move through the Radiant Woods, and they were headless. Now I know that''s no longer the case. Once Godfrey, or Darian, have handled the other, coming for us is an option they didn''t have before. I can hope it''s only these other countries and their agents being granted access to us, but I am not going to hang my hat on that hope. Sarafyna would never forgive the disrespect to it.

    But that means we are on an even tighter timeline than I thought. The plan has always been to provide aid to the other cities first while the conflict in Visenar distracted the big players. But people aren''t as ready to fight back as I''d hoped. It''s taking too long. I need to put my all into leveling the playing field for them. And perhaps, as a side project, designing a weapon I can use without mana. Maybe Ember can help, with knowledge of her culture''s magic and enchantments. Or her knowledge of ''nexus'' magic.

    I need to get to work. In a respectfully restful way. Goddamn magic fucking cancer shit. Such a pain in the ass. Of course, I can''t even do that, yet. Edward''s stare as we walk makes that perfectly clear. The first thing I have to do is face the music with my family. I can''t believe I got so caught up I just... said all of that in front of Ed. Keeping it a secret in the first place is one thing, but dropping it all on someone else in front of him like he didn''t matter was, well, thoughtless. And there it is. My first act ever that could be called indelicate.

    We are in the mountains again, walking back to our new home. Ed is walking behind Ember and me, glaring while Sara whispers to him. But hey, that''s a bonus. He seems far more concerned with the world-shattering revelation of my origins than with my proclivity for, well you know. I mean that does seem like the obvious assumption but some people just really don''t like the idea of sexually unavailable women. Any flavor of bullshit can feel more important than the knowledge of... what would he call me? An invader in his world? In his family? An alien revolutionary? An otherworldly anarchist? It doesn''t matter; I''m spiraling. The truth is, I''m scared.

    I have been lying to my family for a long time. It''s terrifying to think I am going to be completely upfront with them, now. Years after I stopped having a decent excuse. Will they reject me? Will they think I''m a changeling? Ugh. I''m not used to worrying about stupid shit like this. This is why I didn''t say anything for so long. Give me regicide over family drama any day. By the time I resurface from my thoughts, we have made it home and Clarisse is greeting us.

    "Lillith, there''s a message for you from the relay station. It''s..." She trails off, glancing at an annoyed Ember.

    "It''s fine. She''s gonna stay here for a while and help us out. What''s the story?" I prod.

    She nods at that, failing to ask any further questions. "The Kingdom of Endings is short of supplies, they are requesting a delivery today, if possible," she explains. I immediately start rubbing my temples in frustration.

    "How? We gave them so many! For fuck sake if they collected all the resources so they could withhold them, I am going to go apeshit on them!" I protest. Ember throttles a laugh in her throat. "Apeshit, I like that," she chuckles.

    "Fine. Sara, I know this is asking a lot but, is there any way you can do a supply run? I''d go with you, but I kind of..." I trail while glancing at Ed.

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    Sara bites her lip but nods. "Yes, I don''t mind. I just hope they don''t stare so much this time..." she answers. I maybe could have thought out the public kiss as well. I''m starting to think my tunnel vision can lead me to hasty decisions sometimes. That''s probably silly.

    "Sorry about that," I apologize. "I''ll make it up to you, I promise." She smiles at me and adjusts her hat.

    "Don''t worry about it. I got this," She assures. She turns to leave, pauses, then turns around and looks at me. "I... I guess everyone here is going to know soon anyway..." she says. Then, she hops forward, wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses me. I don''t have the wherewithal to take in the reactions around us, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her back. Finally, she backs away and smiles. "I love you, see you soon, Annie," she says.

    "I love you too, Sarafyna. Be safe, alright?" She nods before going to find volunteers for her impromptu supply run. "I''m glad we didn''t go there already. Would have been a huge waste of time. Alright. Clarisse, is there any chance we can get Ember here set up in her own room? Thirteen-thirteen if it''s empty.

    "Sure, I can do that," Clarisse agrees, less taken aback than the first time she learned about my relationship with Sara.

    "Ember. I''m trusting you here a bit but... not that much. I''m not the only one here who can kill you in a moment if you so much as try to hurt anyone. I''m just the person who will do it the most painlessly. If you are trustworthy, you''ll be fine. But stay trustworthy," I warn.

    "I get the picture. Go deal with your housekeeping," she snaps. I stick my tongue out at her and she rolls her eyes.

    "Clarrise, if possible, can you get her some cuffs that aren''t connected so she can move her arms?" I say. The continued cuffs had actually been Ember''s idea. A way to earn our trust and make people feel safe, which relieves me because truth be told, I am nervous about her. She claims she wasn''t the one to attack me. She claims none of them were supposed to. But time will tell. This sort of community doesn''t come without risk, however. I trust Clarisse, though. That will have to do for now. It''s time to have a chat with my family.

    Collecting them is easy enough. Ed goes to get Mariah and Mom, because significant others are included in this I guess. I handle Henry and Autumn. Gilbert will have to wait until our next visit to his community. His significant others would be something of a distraction anyway. Who has time to keep track of all those? I''m amused to find Autumn''s stuffed animals have overtaken their bed. Henry is actually holding Wilbert the stuffed cow as he sleeps, which is charming enough to calm my nerves.

    Autumn has to help me get him out of bed, but eventually the entire family is sitting around a large table in one of the common areas. We had to ask for privacy but received no pushback, there are plenty of alternatives. I take a breath as everyone stares at me, some groggily, others expectantly.

    "Go ahead, Lillith. Tell them. Tell them how you have been lying to us all these years," Ed instigates and I wince. I receive a raised eyebrow from Henry, a look of concern from Mom, and a furrowed brow from Autumn. Mariah glares at Edward instead. I take a deep breath and nod.

    "Alright. A long time ago, when I was seven, I died. When I woke up, everything was different," I begin.

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    I feel amazing. For once I am not thinking about the fight. I''m not thinking of the need to kill people. I''m not even thinking of the Collector''s taunts. This kiss was different than the last one. Validating, in a way. Like I had made a choice to be who I am. Being seen with Annie just feels good. If I doubted my sexuality before, that moment alone would have been enough. It was like a warm bath, or the first time Annie convinced me to try soap.

    I have more energy than I should after such a long day. Even the stares in the Kingdom of Endings don''t bother me. Hell, I kind of wish Annie was here so I could kiss her again. Let them see how their stares affect me. The stewards here were irritated Annie didn''t come with me, but it''s for the best. It turns out they didn''t run out of resources, they cooked them all at once. This was supposed to be some royal feast. The Queen''s failure to show up didn''t help whatever they were going for, and it''s a little funny to watch them arguing under their breath about it.

    I wish Annie had come. She would have been furious. She doesn''t like to tell people what to do with the resources other communities share, but she still would have given them a dressing down for this. There is something about her when she is really angry at someone. It''s so different from me. Either when I am calm and demure, or furious myself. For her, it''s more... passion. I like it.

    "Ms. Sarafyna, we have something we''d like to discuss with you, in private," One of the Stewards says, pulling me from my thoughts.

    "Huh? Oh, uh, sure. I don''t mind," I agree.

    "You may want a drink," The other says, startling me. "It''s not going to be easy to hear. They poured me a glass of wine some time ago but I haven''t touched it yet. I haven''t touched any of the food, really. I only stayed at this dumb feast to work through my thoughts. They are looking at me with such expectations, I feel a bit awkward about it now. I don''t think I am in any danger of getting drunk. Anything short of Annie''s venom will be easy to flush from my system. I pick up the glass and take a polite sip, which is met with a nod of approval.

    "Right this way," the first steward says, gesturing to a nearby doorway. I follow her inside and immediately hear the door close behind me. A shifting shadow in the next room catches my attention, but a blackness edging into my vision immediately distracts me.

    "Wh-what did-" I start but my breath catches. I try to transform my body, to flush whatever I just drank out of my system.

    "The Queen," The steward in front of me says, her voice far too calm, "will give us a king."

    I feel my knees buckle. My divine magic isn''t responding. Even my regular, uncontrollable mana isn''t responding. I catch myself on a table as I struggle to stay awake. I reach into my bag looking for my whisper sphere, and my hand is caught by the second steward. My eyes dart frantically around the room as I finish collapsing to my knees. My breathing is labored and slow. The darkness closes in. Just before I black out, I catch a glimpse of two new figures entering from the next room. One has the wings of a bird, the other the ears of a cat.

 Chapter 29 - Family Meeting

    Lillith

    My family stares at me in silence as I finish telling my story. The air is heavy with silence and I feel unusually aware of my hands. What do I usually do with those? Eyes stare at me for far too long as the people I love process what I''ve just said. I awkwardly rub the back of my alarmingly sweaty neck. Come on, Lillith, keep it together. I''ve been less nervous in fights to the death. That''s not really comparable of course. I can act in a fight to the death. That''s a competition, of sorts. A winner and loser. Facing down a family you spent years lying to is... different.

    "Well, that certainly explains some things," Henry says. "Can''t believe you''ve been holding out on me. A ''biologist'', was it? You must have so many ideas other than these potions for your cancer! And no wonder you knew what you were sick with. I''ve always wondered how you understood the things you did. I figured it was just noble knowledge you read at the bookshop. This is a way cooler explanation!" I blink at him, as do Ed and Autumn. Mom keeps her gaze steady on me.

    "I uh, well I wasn''t a medical doctor, but yes, I know some things that can get you started. I''ve been trying to record what I can in something like a textbook but it''s not an easy undertaking. I wasn''t exactly holding back..." I trail off and Autumn suddenly snaps.

    "Oh!" she exclaims. "No wonder you rejected August so quickly! Oh Collector, we must have been like children to you when we met! We were children to you!" She immediately starts blushing as she thinks of our various interactions.

    "That''s one reason," Ed comments under his breath.

    "Right, I left that bit out," I respond. "I''m gay as shit. I''m only attracted to women, and am in fact courting Sarafyna. August never had a chance, I''m afraid." Autumn only turns a brighter red at this and Henry leans back in his chair.

    "Huh," he says. "Well, I have a couple of friends looking for an introduction that may be disappointed."

    "Oh, poor August..." Autumn whispers.

    "Oh, he knows that bit, actually. Has for like, four years now I think. Thought it would soften the blow of my, uh, disinterest. He responded pretty positively, actually," I assure and her eyes widen further.

    "That little prick! He never said a word to me about it!" she complains.

    "It was actually pretty respectful of him. Not a lot of people can be trusted to keep private shit to themselves, especially when they have a twin. He''s a good guy, your brother," I answer.

    "How is everyone so normal about this?" Ed complains. "She lied to us. She has been lying to us since she was seven years old. You are all just fine with that? Lily, you aren''t the only one everything changed for! I thought I was some kind of idiot child! My little sister, the girl who used to follow me around like a puppy, suddenly learned everything faster than me! Do you know how small it makes you feel, when a child suddenly feels ten feet taller than you? I have struggled with this for so long. Even after I realized how poorly I reacted to you, it still haunted me. It still made me feel so fucking insignificant.

    "I know. I know it''s not your fault. You are who you are. You couldn''t just be a child again. But you could have said something. You could have said anything. Anything would have made me feel less worthless. Just knowing there was something else going on could have changed everything for me!" I have to process that for a moment.

    "Ed. Your value never had anything to do with me. You shouldn''t have been measuring yourself based on me! Based on anyone! It shouldn''t have mattered what I did! Whether I looked up to you or not. That was never going to make you feel like a person. You can''t live your life like that Ed. It''s not like you exactly earned my trust!" I protest.

    The next voice surprises me. "Lillith, you know your brother isn''t good with words. He is terrible at saying what he is feeling. Honestly, he is terrible at parsing what he is feeling. It doesn''t matter whether he should have measured himself against you or not. He was a kid too. Maybe not the whole time, but he was. And you''re right. It probably wouldn''t have made him feel better. You''re right that he didn''t deserve to know. I''ll even say what you aren''t. No one would have believed you, before all this. And that matters. It does. You were a victim of the way he treated you, more than he is of your dishonesty. But you understand. He feels hurt. He feels lied to. Because, well, he was. You don''t need to respond to the rest, in this moment. There will be time for that, and Ed knows that. But please, for now, just respond to that," Mariah says. I bite the retort that comes to my tongue.

    I look at Ed and see she is right. Ed shouldn''t be comparing himself to me like that. He never should have been. But I can see in his eyes now. Mariah is right. He doesn''t need an argument with me right now. What he needs is simple. I look down and clench my fists. "Ed... I''m sorry. I''m sorry for lying to you. I''m sorry I saw you hurting and didn''t do anything to help. I''m sorry," I say quietly. Because it doesn''t matter, in this moment, who is right.

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    It''s true I couldn''t have told him right away. It''s true he wasn''t safe to tell for a long time. I wasn''t wrong to withhold it from him for much of the time I did. And I don''t need to apologize for that bit. But I could have told him a long time before now. It''s hard because he really was an unpleasant little shit. And people who behave like that have no right to expect sudden trust. In fact, people who are sorry for that shouldn''t expect to be trusted. They should expect not to be trusted, and accept it.

    But this isn''t quite that. There was an undefinable change in our relationship some time ago. A vulnerability that I allowed him to believe had been reciprocated. I didn''t tell him I still didn''t trust him. I think that''s what he means by anything. He would have accepted that. But I kept this from him, all while trusting him, risking him, with my own plans.

    If nothing else, I can understand why that much hurts. And that? That I don''t mind apologizing for. Yeah, we will have to talk about the other side of it. The way I was treated and the reason he needed to be lied to. But sometimes, it''s alright to handle one thing at a time. I should have at least been clear. Communicated as much as I expected him to. Especially after the last few days. He crosses his arms, but gives me a brief nod, sniffing and wiping one eye on his sleeve. It''s going to take him some time to process. But I think that really was all he needed. Meanwhile, my mother is still staring at me. She doesn''t have the same anger Ed did. She doesn''t have the nonchalance of Henry either. She looks... cold.

    "Is my daughter dead?" She asks suddenly, and silence falls on the room like a tempest. The color drains from my face.

    I gulp. "No," I respond. "No, Mom. It''s me. It''s still me. I am who I have always been!"

    "You''re not, though. Are you? You are this... other woman. This Annie. You''re... Collector, you''re older than me. How can you say you are my little girl?" She challenges. Still quiet. Still calm. I feel water forming in the corners of my eyes.

    "Yes. I am Annie Beckett. But... I''m also Lillith. I am more Lillith, now. Mom, I don''t... I don''t know how to say it, shit. I am your daughter. I love you. You''re my mom. The best mom I ever had, truth be told. I remember everything. I remember asking you for an extra serving of dinner when I was five. I remember begging for another story when you tucked me in at night. I remember walking around in your shoes, pretending to be you because I couldn''t imagine anything better than that. I remember throwing a tantrum when you asked me to clean my room. I remember you holding me when I came to apologize.

    "That was all me. Those are my memories. No one else''s. They belong to me. They are precious to me. And so are you. So are all of you! Yes, when I was seven, I had an entire other life dumped on me. All the baggage and trauma of another reality. But it didn''t hollow me out to make space. It opened a door that was always there to a life I always lived. I''m not someone new. I''m just more... me," I plead, tears gently running down my cheeks.

    "How..." Mom says, her voice finally catching as the ice cracks a little, "How do you know that? How do you know those aren''t just inherited memories? The memories of my daughter. Of the girl you usurped? How can you know that for sure?" She begs. I lean forward and let a deep breath out, then look up at my mother. My mascara must be a fucking mess.

    "Because," I answer simply. "The moment I opened my eyes and saw you, I loved you. I admired you. I ached for you. I didn''t remember caring about you. I didn''t remember looking up to you. I didn''t remember feeling safer because you were there. I felt those things. I still do. I didn''t inherit them. They are how I have felt about you my entire life. Before I got sick as a child, and after. Mom, I love you. That''s how I know." I am practically sobbing by the end of this. Everyone else in the room has different looks of concern and awkward energy, but none of that matters. I look my mother in the eyes. The same crimson eyes that have always defined me. And she collapses.

    Not literally. But the tension dies and her muscles slump. A moment later she is sobbing too. I could have sworn we were sitting on opposite sides of a table, but within a few breaths, she is wrapping her arms around me. Things get messy from that point on. Emotional in a way I am used to suppressing. Joking away. But since I started dating Sara, that layer has been slowly peeling away. We do get to a point where we can joke, most of us. They have a lot of questions. Mom is still struggling to grasp it. To accept it. But she knows I love her, and she still loves me.

    There is a lot of healing to be done. This revelation hit her harder than anyone. I am actually a little older than her, in a way. But she is still my mom. That dynamic will never change. I eventually have to retire early. It has been an incredibly long day, and I want to do something before Sara gets back. My family isn''t satisfied with this, but it''s important to me. I take only Autumn with me and head up to our room. She has been practicing earth magic and I''ll need her for this. She kisses Henry goodnight and promises to see him once we are done, then comes up to the room with me.

    She actually blushes a little when we reach the door but I roll my eyes and tell her to relax. It''s not like I just jump on any woman I see. The work I borrow her for takes about an hour, but that is much faster than it would have on Earth. Autumn is a good sport about it and I promise to make it up to her later. But, as she leaves I smile. I have remodeled the room a bit. Instead of hats hanging on one wall, Sara now has her own studio. Rows of shelves line the small room, displaying all of her hats. A desk sits in the middle of the room with her father''s hat block in the middle. She is going to squeal when she gets back.

    Speaking of which, she actually should be back by now. I thought I would run out of time before she made it. She must be at least a half hour, forty-five minutes late by now. Idly, I take out my whisper sphere to call her. It hums gently, the light slowly fading in and out, until she answers, and the light steadies.

    "Hey, beautiful. Everything alright? I want to show you something when you get home," I greet as soon as I see a connection has been made.

    "Hello, Queen Lillith," the voice on the other end replies.

 Chapter 30 - Time to Scream

    I have to suppress an exhausted groan as the voice of one of the fucking stewards comes through Sara''s whisper sphere. April, I think? It has been a moment since I learned their names, and I am fucking tired. "Is this April? Why do you have Sarafyna''s sphere? Can you just give it back to her?" I request. The fatigue is clear in my voice and I really hope this lady doesn''t want to have some debate about her shitty little monarchy right now. My hackles rise as I hear her clicking her tongue on the other end.

    "I''m afraid she is... indisposed, at the moment. You''ll have to talk to me instead, Your Majesty," She replies. The words ''Your Majesty'' are dripping with condescension. I feel a low, humming anger ripple across my skin as I guess at her meaning.

    "Indisposed, how?" I coldly demand.

    "We have been discussing you a lot, recently, Rebecca and I," She replies, ignoring my question. "You and your... unconventional relationship choices. In fact, there has been some discussion about it all across the kingdom. Since, in your wisdom, you chose to display it in public, in front of all of your subjects. Well, you''ll be pleased to hear this. The general consensus is, it doesn''t matter who you choose as a... concubine. However, frankly, disgusting that choice may be. Several prominent betrothal candidates have actually shown increased interest, since your proclivities were revealed, it would seem. But your duty remains, and your people need the leadership of a king. I''m afraid we must insist that you provide us with one."

    I nearly crush the whisper sphere in my fist as she explains this. Her comment on ''increased interest'' trickles across my skin like wastewater. I''m certain this is perfectly visible on my face, but I''ll have to communicate disgust through voice alone. "Where. Is. Sarafyna?" I repeat.

    "Sarafyna is in our custody, for now. It was decided she should not be allowed to... distract you, for the time being," April replies. "After the wedding, or perhaps once we have a suitable heir in line, you can speak to your husband about her release." My stomach churns. This woman is going to die. She is going to die the second I can get my hands around her throat.

    "Are you fucking stupid?" I say. "What is your fucking plan here? We need her to travel through the Radiant Woods. Even if I wanted to pick one of your nasty little candidates, how would we even get to each other? More importantly, how do you plan to survive if we do bridge that gap?"

    "Well, I''m glad you asked," she practically smiles with her voice, "First of all, there is no need to choose anyone. Considering our respective positions, I took the liberty of selecting for you. My son, Michael, will be your fianc��. As for how you plan to get here for the wedding, well. I suppose you''ll have to figure that out. You''re a resourceful woman. I believe you can do it. And, if you want your concubine spared, you''ll do it peacefully."

    "And your precious resources? You produce less than every other community. How do you plan to feed and clothe people you moron? Sarafyna is the only one who can deliver it. Are you hoping your self-satisfaction will keep everyone fed? Because you are the only one I plan to fucking feed it to," I snap. She has the gall to laugh at this.

    "Oh, sweetheart, we don''t have to worry about that. Weren''t you wondering how we even managed to capture her? We have some... friends. We''ll make it to the other communities just fine. In fact, they will need the Kingdom of Endings to travel between each other as well. Your husband will be able to set some new... rules for resource management." she explains and the blood drains from my face. Ember''s fucking people. I need to speak to her the second this call is over. Did she know about this? I hastily pull my glasses out of my bag and put them on. Facing the wall separating our rooms, the radar enchantment reveals a tall, Ailur shaped woman moving around inside. So she is not doing anything to anyone right now, at least.

    "I see. So you plan to come to me for this shotgun wedding, then? You know the fucking Collector won''t let your ''friends'' retrieve me. Only Sarafyna can move me to your precious kingdom. Only someone that can control the Woods themselves, not a group that is simply allowed through with the Wood''s permission." I prod.

    "Shotgun?" She whispers, but regains her composure quickly. "No, no. The wedding needs to be in the capital city, of course. Your most loyal subjects, the new nobility, will want to attend! Nowhere else will do. Of course, if you can''t find a way to reach the Kingdom of Endings..." she trailed off for effect. I could feel her glee seeping into my skin at her next words. "Well, then it is a good thing you have such competent stewards, isn''t it?"

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    And the penny drops. She never fucking cared if I got married. I was only ever a name to lend her authority. I was too easy on these morons. I wanted them to see how quickly monarchy fails without the threat of force behind it. This ''kingdom'' was made up of people who escaped an abusive monarchy and immediately wanted to build a new one. I figured that was the only way to make it clear to them. That was a mistake. Because they used me. They used what I had done to prop up their own authority. And some part of me really believed they just admired me enough to want me as a ruler.

    But I knew. I knew no one ever actually admired their ruler. No one that isn''t themselves gifted prestige based on said ruler''s existence, anyway. I knew these stewards were using me to prop up their own authority. I never should have allowed it. Not for one fucking second. They are using fucking me as a prop for authority. Christ. I was just so certain it would collapse before it got too bad. So certain, and distracted, and, well, goddamn arrogant. I was arrogant and it felt just a little good to be called queen. To be called queen and reject it; to be above it. I could have made it more clear I wasn''t anyone''s queen.

    I could have ended it once and for all if I''d really wanted to. I didn''t. Whatever I said, part of me wanted that admiration. And I thought ignoring it would be a sufficient solution. Pride and stupidity are the same fucking thing. You can''t ignore a royalist. A fascist. A power-hungry asshole. If you ignore them, if you think they''ll fail on their own just because you took their support away... well, if they are small enough they probably will. But even the weakest and most pathetic of them can''t really be ignored. When people are that proud, that hateful, that desperate for power... they always, always have claws. And even as they fall they will tear at any precious thing they can reach.

    And here we are. I glare at the sphere. Blood starts to trickle from my nose, down to my lip, and into my mouth. "I see. So this was the game the whole time, huh? Keep me around to use my name, to prop up your own authority, forever? You are still a woman, like me. They still want me, not you, as a queen. Don''t you think they''ll ask questions if I just... never show up?" I challenge. She fucking laughs again.

    "No one wants you as queen you sanctimonious bitch! Everyone just wants to be king and they know they''ll be able to fuck the most powerful baby into you! You are nothing but a sack of too much mana who is in over her head! Will they care if you never show up? Sure. But they''ll also know that, as long as you are unmarried, there is still a chance for them to get you on your back and make them king. They''ll just be happy you haven''t married anyone else, until Rebecca and I have made enough changes and laws that, they forget they ever had anything but stewards. That''s how you start a new kingdom, Your Majesty," she sneers.

    Blood drips from my lips and makes small puddles on the floor, barely missing the whisper sphere as it falls. Sara was supposed to be back by now. She was supposed to help me manage my cancer. I need her. But more than that, she needs me. My next words are ice. "You are right. I suck at politics. I can''t play these games all the time. I can''t wrap my mind around the thoughts of snakes. But I didn''t tear down Potestia by playing politics, did I? No. I did it with violence, April. I am not Lillith of clever little games, I am Lillith of Endings. And you know what, if I were you, I would hope, and pray, and beg on my knees that I find my way to you. Do you know why?" I ask.

    She chuckles. "Very scary, stuck in some other city, too scared to walk through the woods to find us. No, why should I pray that you manage to find me?" she replies.

    "Because I kill quickly. I won''t give you time to feel the pain. If I make it to you, you will be afraid, but you will simply die. But Sarafyna? My future fucking wife? Well, see. She has some unprocessed trauma. I''ve been trying to talk her through it whenever I can, but it''s a lot to unpack. See, she was trapped, imprisoned you might say, for quite a while. She was trapped by people she was supposed to trust. And she was hurt, while she was there. For years. And the only way she found to fight back against that imprisonment? Well, it was violence. It was the fucking hunt. The hunt of the people who hurt her.

    "She didn''t kill people to stop them from existing. She killed them because she was in constant pain. In constant fear. She tracked them down and hurt them like they hurt her. Yeah, she is usually quiet. Demure. Happy making her hats and chatting with me. But that''s all still there. Under the surface. Boiling. Waiting for someone to light the fuse. The last time that happened, a man was eaten alive. Chewed up and spit out, slowly. And what did you do to her? You told her she could trust you, and you imprisoned her. Trapped her. Hurt her. So yes. I want to kill you. And I will as soon as I have the chance. But that''s why you need to pray that I do.

    "Because she is going to find a way out whether I get to you or not. I will kill you in a blink. But if I''m too slow, and my girlfriend escapes first? She will give you time to fucking scream," I finally finish. April doesn''t laugh. After a moment of silence, I hang up. My nose is bleeding too much, I spent too long on that call. I''m starting to lose my vision. I need to confront Ember. I pull one of Henry''s potions out of my bag and drink the entire thing. It tastes like sewage and goes down as easily, but it''ll steady me out. I focus all of my mana on the cancer. Shaving it away. Then I channel my mana into the whisper sphere again, this time willing it to call my brothers.

 Chapter 31 - Again

    The urgency in my voice is enough to get Ed and Henry to my room quickly. I watch Ember through the wall the entire time, gritting my teeth. I don''t know if she is involved in this or not. I don''t know if I can trust my judgment in either direction. I wipe the blood on my hand, then my shirt, and finally groan. It won''t stop. With irritation, I form a needle of mild, focused lighting mana and shove it up my nose. After a short, sharp pinch, I manage to seal the vessel and finally stop the bleeding. I slump over in my seat, anxiety refusing to let my muscles relax.

    It takes less than ten minutes for a knock to finally sound across my door, but it is an agonizing ten minutes. I feel weak as I stand, but not as weak as I did a few minutes ago. Henry''s potion is doing its work, and I''ve had time to shave away at the cancer. It takes so much focus to keep it under control on my own; I can''t allow this to go on for too long. I can''t survive Sara''s absence. And, bluster aside, I can''t allow Sara to hurt someone like that again. I need to get to her before she has to.

    My body throbs with fatigue as I make it to the door. I can cast more powerful magic with less effort, but fighting cancer in my own body is precise and has a toll all its own. Finally, I open the door.

    "Exactly how many times are you going to wa-OH SHIT Lily what the fuck happened to your face?" Henry says as soon as he sees the blood on my face, staining my shirt.

    "I''m fine, just a nosebleed," I reply, "That''s not what matters. I need your help, both of you."

    "What''s wrong?" Ed asks, looking around like he can spot the source of my stress.

    "We need to talk to Ember again. Ed, I need you to back me up if I need to fight. Henry, did you bring more potion?" I say quickly, grabbing Ed''s shoulder to steady myself as I grow dizzy. I am getting stronger, after the potion and all that work, but just the amount of blood I lost is leaving me lightheaded.

    "Uh, yeah," he says, fumbling through a messenger bag for a few more potions. "You shouldn''t be out yet... Where is Sara? Has she not helped you yet?" He too looks around, trying to find my missing girlfriend.

    "She''s not back yet. And we are going to have to make those stronger for a while," I respond and he furrows his brow.

    "Is that safe? You said your parts were basically trying to kill you as well, didn''t you? They just kill the cancer faster?" He questions.

    "Some of it, yes. But I can fight those bits myself. Right now, it''s less dangerous than the alternative. That is a good question to ask, though. I''m going to need your help with something else for a while," I reply. Henry and Ed share a glance then look at me skeptically.

    "What''s that?" Henry ventures.

    "I need you to stick with me, in case I need a sanity check," I explain.

    "Well I can answer that now, you are crazy as fuck," Henry answers. I chuckle a little at the levity, but I lack the emotional energy to reward him with much more.

    "No, seriously. I need you to make sure I don''t do anything... rash. I might make some questionable choices in the coming days, and I need someone to tell me when it''s insane," I say.

    "You are always doing crazy shit, Lil," Ed interjects. "I mean, it''s worked out for the best. But why now? Because of the thing in Tumult the other day? Or did something else change?"

    "It is pretty late at night for a sudden choice like that," Henry agrees, "What happened?"

    "Sara''s been captured," I answer. "I don''t know how, except they had the help of a third party. I''m thinking Ember''s people. They deal with divine magic and these ''sages'' more than any of us have. If any third party could wrangle her, it''s them. I need to know if Ember knew about this, and I need to know now."

    "What, wait, who captured her? Is she alright?" Ed asks, genuine panic in his voice.

    "Your cancer, Lily! Fuck, that''s why the potion needs to be stronger, isn''t it? What are we going to do?" Henry adds with distress.

    "I don''t know. But we start with Ember. Whether she knew this would happen or not, she''ll have information we need. Let''s go," I say matter-of-factly.

    "Wait," Ed interrupts, "No offense, Lillith, but if you want to do something stupid out of anger, Henry isn''t going to be able to talk you out of it. You know that, and I know that." Henry looks relieved when Ed brings this up and I sigh.

    "I''m not worried about doing something stupid because I''m angry. I, well, maybe I should be. But that''s not what I''m talking about. Look at me," I suggest and they do.

    "I mean, you should probably clean up before talking to Ember, if that''s what you mean..." Henry suggests and I pause. I actually didn''t consider that. Which... terrifies me. Because anger isn''t why I want him doing this.

    "Thank you, that is exactly what I am looking for. Someone that will notice things that I should be, but don''t," I answer.

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    "Wait, you were really going to talk to her like that?" Ed asks, bafflement taking over his face.

    "Breast cancer doesn''t give you nose bleeds! But there are a few kinds that do, and most of them are above the neck. So yeah, I missed that. I was going to walk into her room covered in my own blood," I snap, "So yes. I am going to overlook things, and yes I need to be fucking minded until we get Sarafyna back! Can we please just go? I can answer all your questions afterward!" I insist.

    Henry understands what I mean before Ed does, but both quickly grow silent as they do. I give a quick nod, glad to finally be on the same page. I move to leave when Henry grabs my arm. "Wait, Lil, you''re still..." he trails off.

    "Fucking goddamnit!" I curse before marching to the kitchen, channeling mana into the water stone over my sink and scrubbing at my face for a moment. I try to scrub at my shirt as well, but after a moment of frustration, I grab my collar with both hands and just tear at it, revealing a hint of my tattoos. Immediately feeling stupid, I march my dumb ass into my room to replace my new v-neck with a clean shirt. This typically routine endeavor is challenged by an uncharacteristic clumsiness, brought on by a growing sense of frustration and helplessness. I even manage to ignore Suzume as she asks for attention. I practically growl as I finally manage to force my arms through the sleeves and rejoin my brothers in the living room. "Are we good?" I ask, more vitriol in my voice than they deserve.

    They both nod, and I march past them to the door. Ember better not have gone anywhere during all that. I feel a little bad about snapping at my brothers. Especially Henry, who has been incredibly understanding all day. And who I am planning to lean on for the foreseeable future. I shouldn''t be snapping at them but it just... comes out every time. They follow me next door, and I knock, hard. I had intended to convey how serious the issue was, but not splinter the door. I intended. I curse again as a few sharp pinpricks of pain identify the splinters I just gave myself.

    It has the intended effect, however, as Ember very quickly opens the door, a look of irritation contorting her only vaguely human-esque face. "What the hell, what''s fucking burning down?" she protests, but I immediately grab her by the collar and pull her head down to my level.

    "Did you know?" I ask through clenched teeth.

    "W-what? Know what? Shit, how fucking strong are you?" She asks.

    "Don''t fuck with me, Ember. Did. You. Fucking. Know?" I jerk her toward me again so her eyes are only a couple inches from mine. Her pupils narrow to slits, and her eyes scan me. A hand rests on my shoulder.

    "Lily, you aren''t going to get anywhere doing this. You''re too angry. You need to let her go and explain what you mean..." Henry whispers to me. I come very close to snapping at him for telling me when to be fucking angry, but a little voice in my head stops me just in time. The voice that reminds me that this is exactly why I asked him to come with me to this. Ember continues to stare at me. I take a labored breath through my nose and slowly release my fingers. They shake and resist like those of a dead man, but I do manage to let her go.

    I take another deep breath, then glare at the taller woman as she straightens to her full height. "Sarafyna went to the Kingdom of Endings earlier today. They managed to capture her," I begin and Ember''s eyes widen.

    "She''s a Nexus sage, how did your people manage to-" she starts to question and I shake my head.

    "It wasn''t just my people. They had help. I am thinking, likely from someone who is more familiar with this ''nexus'' bullshit. Your people. So I am asking again. Did you know?" She doesn''t answer right away. Her mouth opens a little, in surprise rather than in preparation to answer. And there it is. The one thing I needed to release the tension in my shoulders. Not the surprise on her face, or in her posture, but the spike of sorrow I felt as the realization of what had happened dawned on her.

    "No... fuck, you need her to travel through the nexus, don''t you? You of all people certainly can''t go in alone. Which means..." She practically whispers this part to herself. "Lillith, this ''Kingdom of Endings'' that''s the one you didn''t show me, right? The one that was hostile to you? How widely known is that?" I look at her, a bit taken aback. I am a rapid pendulum between panic and fury at the moment, and the splash of relief followed by the question leaves me dizzy. I just kind of look at her for a moment, and Henry answers for me.

    "She has been pretty openly antagonistic. Or, at the very least, she has very readily rejected their ideas for her," he replies.

    "Shit. If it''s obvious, the Council may have sent ambassadors. They would definitely know how to trap a local nexus sage..." she guesses. Shit.

    "What would they do with her, if they were the ones who took her?" I ask.

    Ember begins to answer, then frowns. "Well, they would usually feed her to the nexus but... if she can move through it freely, they will likely consider that too dangerous. How did you find out she was captured?" She replies.

    "Feed her to it?" Ed cuts in before I can.

    "Yes, feed her to it. The nexus... collects sages. But I don''t think they''ll do that, this time. Not right away, anyway. How did you find out?" She repeats.

    "The stewards there told me. They want to negotiate. They are trying to use me for... they want the next king to inherit my mana. They are using her to manipulate me," I reply quietly.

    "Fuck, I''m gonna be sick," Henry mutters.

    "Then we''ll have to hope that''s their actual plan. In the meantime, is there any other way you have of traveling through the nexus?" Ember replies. Her demeanor, despite the grief this apparently brings her, is helping to calm me.

    "No. All I have is her. We were working on transportation but... I don''t know how to find them. I don''t actually know where they are. I have amateur drawings of my guesses at constellations and how they look from different places, but that''s it. I don''t- I don''t know" and here they fucking come. The goddamn tears. Come on Lillith. You are Lillith of Endings. The mage of Mourning and the terror of the nobility. You invented vampire mythology in this country. You are the actual bogeyman to this woman, and you are on the verge of a breakdown in front of her. Lock it up, Lily. I set my jaw and sniff, water gathering in my eyes but failing to fall. "Can you move through the nexus?" I finally ask.

    Ember looks at me with calculation. "No. The nexus decides where I go. Only a Sage can move us through it. Besides, after traveling through it with you so many times, it will certainly turn me into one of its experiments if I try," she replies. "What do you want to do?"

    I clench my fists, driving the earlier splinters further into my skin. "We have faith in Sarafyna. And we experiment. Starting tomorrow, I want to spend every fucking day experimenting. I want to know everything you do about the nexus. I want to know what you know about how this ''Council'' catches sages, and I want to find a way to reach the Kingdom of Endings and kill everyone involved in hurting Sara. She will fight, again. She will make it out again. And I will end the people who hurt her. Again."

 Chapter 32 - Trapped

    Leo

    I pace back and forth across my room, anxiety forcing me into movement I lacked the energy for. When I first heard the call on my whisper sphere, I was confused. I didn''t know the spheres could work like that, picking up on other conversations. I''d never heard of it happening before. Then I couldn''t understand why anyone would do something like that. I couldn''t tell who either speaker was. One voice was hushed and the other entirely unfamiliar to me. I had my fears here, but I had to be afraid everywhere. Who would want to go back to the way things were before?

    The best I could guess was someone from the Kingdom of Endings. Some deal to return their business, or home, or even be elevated to nobility if they agreed to help bring everyone here back. But that didn''t make sense. They''d talked about the people we had just met. Surely the Kingdom of Endings didn''t even know about them yet. Or for some reason, they knew about them before Lily did. Ultimately, I realized it didn''t matter who. Not in the moment, anyway. No, what matters is alerting Lily as soon as possible. If she knows there is a traitor, she can at least plan for it. She might be able to identify who it was as well.

    I''m not an idiot, but I''ve been locked up in my room for weeks. I haven''t left this one settlement. I''m not going to be able to identify any spies that haven''t recently been inside my home. What I need to do is tell Lily somehow. My gut reaction was to call her right away and tell her what I heard, but... Well if I could overhear a call, who else could? I don''t want to call her, just for whoever the spy is to bolt or go quiet as soon as she knows to look out for them. That would be better than her not knowing at all, but worse than her knowing without alerting the spy.

    Eventually, however, I realized she would come back soon. Before going anywhere near Potestia. Charlotte said Lily promised to come back and help her transition again tomorrow. All I have to do is wait, and I can warn her without anyone being the wiser. I don''t have to risk anything else. I just have to wait. This knowledge fails to relieve any associated anxiety. My skin itches in that unique way that always feels like an insect burrowing under it. I keep panicking, thinking something has just bit me. My plan is simple and easy, and requires nothing from me until tomorrow. But it doesn''t feel right. It feels like it''s not enough. If I can''t tell Lily tomorrow, I''ll call her anyway. Risk be damned.

    The problem, of course, is both of these plans mean there is nothing I can do right now. Which means I will continue to feel this anxiety. It''s hours past sundown, but I still feel energy pulsing through me. When the quiet of the room is interrupted by a gentle knock, a sharp pang rings through my heart and I jump, my heart beating out of my chest until I realize it must be Charlotte. She visits me all the time, like she has a sixth sense for my particularly bad days. Still. It''s hard not to jump at everything these days. Even once I realize who it is, I struggle to control my breathing and heart rate. I take a deep breath and redirect my pacing to the door. I open it slowly to reveal it is, in fact, my mentor.

    "You alright in there, Leo?" She asks and I sigh. I should have just talked to her about this from the beginning.

    "Not... really," I reply. "Come on in." I open the door for her and return to pacing. She sits down on the bed.

    "The nightmares again?" She guesses.

    "No," I reply before pausing. "Well, yes. But... no. It''s something else." I stop and she raises an eyebrow at me. I take another deep breath and let it all pour out. "It''s my whisper sphere... I heard something on it. Something not meant for me. Someone is spying on Lily." Her eyes widen at this revelation, and I continue to recount the entire thing as best as I can remember. Charlotte doesn''t interrupt once, listening attentively. She shows clear concern when I tell her when I heard the conversation, especially when I mention the information shared about Ember. I tell her everything I can remember, and she sits in silence for a long while.

    My heart is beating in my chest, like I just confessed to doing something wrong. Charlotte stews for an agonizing amount of time, before looking up at me. "Leo, this is serious. It''s good you said something. We need to let Lillith know as soon as we can. It was smart of you, not to use the whisper sphere right away but..." she pauses.

    "But?" I prod, desperate for her to tell me everything is going to be fine.

    "But... I don''t know if it will be safe to tell her tomorrow either," she finishes. I freeze.

    "W-why not?" I stutter and she sighs.

    "You said the call came in a little after we all separated, right? Just after Lillith met Ember. That timing is..." she pauses and I fear I know what she is going to say. My theory about the Kingdom of Endings doesn''t make sense. They wouldn''t have been making a report on Ember''s people for the first time immediately after Lily met her. Even if they made contact separately, the timing would just be too convenient. "I see you understand what I mean. It must have been someone who was here. Someone in this community, the first she visited. Probably someone who wouldn''t have had the chance to report on it until..." she trails off.

    "Until they were alone. Someone who had been too close to Lily until that point," I finish. "Edward." She nods gravely. "I should have known. He was always so... off. So jealous. So angry at her. But Lily... you don''t understand. She wants her family to be good... she wants it so, so badly. This will crush her," I lament.

    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

    "And," Charlotte adds, "He will probably be with her again, when she comes. We need to make a plan. A plan to distract him, while the other warns Lillith." I nod, if only to hide the tremor in my jaw. Everything about this makes me feel sick to my stomach. It''s all so wrong. It''s true I have had trouble facing Lily lately but, I still love her. She''s like Charlotte. Like the family that didn''t reject me. I don''t know if I can be the one to tell her that her family is trying to hurt her again. Charlotte seems to understand this. "I''ll do it. The part that frightens you so much. I''ll talk to Lillith. But you need to be strong. You need to keep Ed away from her. Can you do that, Leo?"

    I nod. For Lily, I can do that.

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    My head throbs as I finally wake up. My cheek rests on cold, dirty stone. My hands are tied behind my back, and my clothes have been replaced with some kind of burlap dress. Everything hurts and my limbs don''t move like I want them to. I feel like the morning after too much labor. Annie says it has something to do with... tearing your body and acid, I think? In either case, it hasn''t been much of a problem for me since I was a child. Not since my nine years in hell. I can always just heal that kind of thing.

    The thought panics me. I try to reform my arms to escape the cuffs. It works, a little. I can feel the muscles and bones shift around, but they move like old molasses. They aren''t responding like they usually do, and it hurts. It hurts like no pain I''ve felt since I was first thrown into that wagon as a child. I push through. I don''t know how I got here, but I need to get out. I need to get out now. But... they stop. Before any significant changes can take place, my arms stop changing. They defy me. I feel like I am no longer in charge of my own body.

    My heart starts beating faster. I can feel the veins in my forehead pulsing. My breath grows shorter. I try to flex my mana, usually useless for anything but suppressing other mages. I''m desperate enough to try using it. But it too is entirely suppressed. No. No no no fuck no. "Help, HELP ME! IS ANYONE OUT THERE?" I scream. No one answers. I scream again. And again and again. I can''t be trapped again. I can''t be gone again. I can''t be away from Annie. I can''t let her... not again. I can''t do this again.

    I struggle to rise to my feet, but fail. The muscle weakness and the tied arms fight me, and I fall to my face again. I am in the woods, with a hood over my head, drowning in the river. My vision clears, and I realize I''m not. I''m in some kind of cell. I start to cry out, screaming for help. I feel like I scream for hours. Maybe it is minutes. I don''t know. But my voice is hoarse and fading when the thick, steel door to the cell finally opens, and Rebecca walks in.

    "Oh quit making a fuss, you are embarrassing yourself," she chides.

    "W-what am I doing here? Why did you do this... h-how did you do this?" I beg.

    "Patience, Sarafyna. Patience. All will be answered. A... special guest will be coming to visit soon. You just need to sit tight until then," she replies. I roll over to my side to get a better look at her. "I''d like for us to be friends. To get along. Until our queen comes around at least. Even more so if she doesn''t actually."

    "You don''t understand. She needs me," I protest and she shakes her head.

    "Don''t you worry about that, sweetheart. We''ve got her love life... arranged, should she ever wise up. She doesn''t need you. If she wants to engage in... unnatural relations, there are plenty of other women. Women, well I don''t want to be rude, but women that don''t need a wide-brimmed hat to hide the ugly bits. Your value is in what you can do for the people," she corrects.

    "No, you don''t understand, without me, she''ll... she''ll..." I trail off. I can''t say she''ll die. I can''t accept that as reality. And I can''t just say that to this woman. "She needs me," I repeat again.

    "The people, need you. The people of her kingdom. Now, you know Lillith better than I do, Sarafyna. Would she want people to go hungry, just because she can''t have you to warm her bed at night? No. She would want you to make sure everyone could get where they needed to go. She would want you to feed the hungry, wouldn''t she?" She prodded. I bit my lip in frustration. This woman doesn''t understand Lillith at all.

    "Of course, she would want me to help people. She would want me to keep everyone safe," I whisper.

    "Good, so we are in agreement," she smiles.

    "No. She wants all of that. But she loathes the idea of taking it at the tip of a sword. She loathes it. I was helping. I was making use of my sickening connection to the Radiant Woods. But if Lillith thought anyone was safe, and fed, and comfortable at the expense of the people they stepped on... no. The woman I love wants all of these communities safe and protected. But she wouldn''t want me doing it in chains," I spit.

    She frowns at me. "Well, I don''t want you to do it in chains, exactly. Just with a little... encouragement to behave, is that so bad?" She asks. I glare at her. "Well, no matter. You have time to decide. Our distinguished guest is taking the long way around, it seems. I''d like you on our side before then. See, they are helping us in your stead but... well it never hurts to have a contingency. Something ''the woman you love'' should have considered. Think about it. In the meantime, it''s time for dinner." She snaps her fingers, and a man, maybe a year younger than me, carrying a plate of fruit and bread.

    "I... I can''t eat with my arms tied like this," I protest.

    "Oh, I wouldn''t worry about it, sweetheart," she says. "He''ll make sure you eat it all. Wouldn''t want you going hungry, would we?" My eyes widen as he approaches me. I understand on an instinctual level what he plans to do. I won''t eat it. Not like that. It must be how they are drugging me. But I won''t eat it like that.

    "No," I whisper. "Please... just, no. I''ll eat it off the floor if I have to. Just drop it. But... no," I beg. She says nothing, and the man approaches. He fixes one hand on my jaw to force it open, and grabs a piece of fruit with another. My heart is beating so quickly that I can hear it in my ears. I am in the Radiant Woods again. And the food I need is being offered. Bile rises in my throat. I rapidly turn my head and bite as hard as I can. I can''t do enough to free my arms, but I can at least sharpen my teeth.

    It''s almost too easy, the way I shear through his index and middle finger. The taste of copper floods my mouth. As my assailant screams. He leaves the two digits behind and I spit them out. Rebecca watches me with gruesome fascination. The man screams and drops the tray. "I told you no," I growl and the woman in front of me shrugs.

    "Very well," she agrees. "Off the floor it is. But be certain to eat it all." She turns at that and whistles, "Get a healer here, quick as you can" she cries into the hall. She tries to hide it, but there is a slight tremor in her voice, and she marches out of the room just a little more quickly, more rigidly, than she entered.

 Chapter 33 - Reality Check

    I don''t know exactly how long it''s been. It''s difficult to keep track of the days with only ambient light making it into my cell. They don''t visit me too often. Every few days, I think. They seem to bring food twice a day, the one thing they have been nearly religious about. It wasn''t hard to guess why. I only needed to try it once to feel the effect. The pain in my muscles got worse and my joints grew harder to bend only a few moments after eating. Every meal was poison. Even the water turned the world to mud through my eyes. I tried to deny myself as much of both as I could, but it didn''t do any good.

    I have sores on my wrists now. Cuts and bruises all over my body. My hair is tangled and matted with... things. A constant aching torments me. I could handle all of it, I think. Every indignity of this cell. Every self-assured comment from Rebecca. I could handle all of it, if I closed my eyes and visited Annie. If I pictured the home we were supposed to be living in. But... I can feel her. Every single time I can feel her. Fighting. Worrying. Dying. All of it. Instead of an escape from hell, I get a reminder that she needs me, and I can''t help her. And she feels the same. Desperate and helpless to save me.

    I hate it. It''s like thorns in my throat. Every movement and moment a reminder of my helplessness. It''s exactly like the Radiant Woods. Except, I don''t know how to move through this one. Anger isn''t the right word for how I feel when April or Rebecca visit. When they try to convince me that helping them is what Annie would want, given the circumstances. It cuts much deeper than ordinary rage. It touches an old, raw vein. One Annie has been talking to me about and helping me with at every opportunity. But they cut me off from her. They locked me up and tore the scab off. So what I am isn''t angry, or enraged, or furious. What I am is fucking feral.

    This is why, as I hear the door open too soon after the last meal was delivered, I nearly snarl as I use what little power I can to maintain the sharp edge of my teeth. I am ready to snarl at whichever steward is visiting this time, but stop short. My new visitor is neither steward nor anyone with a plate of food. Instead, A young boy in a robe examines me, holding his hand on his chin in thought. He can''t be any older than twelve or thirteen.

    "Are you certain?" A familiar woman''s voice asks from just behind the door and he looks in her direction.

    "I''m quite alright, thank you. Please, close the door behind me," he requests. There is a moment of silence before April, I think, responds.

    "Very well. We will be right here, if anything goes wrong," she insists. When the boy fails to answer it is quiet for another moment, and the door slowly closes, echoing out in the cold room as a latch clicks into place. That unique and totally opaque darkness of a previously lit room clouds my vision for a moment, but I can still see the boy. I can see him by his mana, and by his divine magic.

    "Hello, Sarafyna," he greets. "It''s a pleasure to meet you. My name is Rune. I''m the Scholar Sage, from the Council territories. How have you been?" He smiles at me and I blink. I missed the moment it happened, but the room is completely lit again. He isn''t using his mana, but divine magic. I have no idea how but I can... feel the intent behind it. "Ms. Sarafyna?" He repeats.

    "I''m... not doing great," I answer in confusion.

    "No, I suppose you wouldn''t be," he muses. "Well, that''s to be expected. Still, nothing to worry about for long. You''ll be out of here in no time. I''m very sorry you had to be kept here in the first place, but I suspect you''ll understand, in time." I glance at the door with apprehension.

    "You are going to help me?" I whisper. He holds one hand up and wobbles it in a so-so gesture.

    "I''m afraid not. Not exactly, anyway. I''m going to tell you how to leave, if you want. You''ll get there eventually of course, but I''m on something of a schedule. I''d prefer you not take quite so long as last time. In fact, I must apologize for how long the trip took me. I had to go the long way around," he explains nonchalantly.

    "I don''t understand, who are you exactly? You want me free? Why did they let you in? What do you want from me?" I interrogate in a whisper and he chuckles.

    "Slow down, slow down, one question at a time," he protests, holding his hands up in a gesture of mock surrender. "I told you who I was, I''m Rune, the sage. I am a counselor. To answer your other questions, yes. I want you free from this cell. They let me in because, well. Truth be told I am the one who helped them capture you. I know, not likely to ingratiate me with you. But I''m alright with that. Your opinion of me isn''t really all that important. And what I want from you? Well. That''s a little harder to answer." I stare at the door the entire time as he makes no attempt to lower his volume. I can see the mana on the other side of the door, practically pressed against it to listen.

    He looks over his shoulder, then laughs. "Oh don''t worry about her. I know she plans to turn on us eventually, of course. She can''t hear a thing. You should be able to sense that, is the dosage perhaps a little high?" He ponders. I gape at him, then focus. He''s right. I don''t understand it but... I can feel the reality of it. The sound and light in this room belong to this room, and only this room. If I were to focus on it, I might be able to figure out how to do it. Well, normally. Right now it feels like trying to describe the shape of a rock I can feel under a foot of mud.

    It''s at this point that his last words sink in. "I... haven''t been eating. I think they have adjusted the dosage to compensate," I reply idly, still trying to get a grip on his magic. He clicks his tongue.

    "Those idiots. That''s what happens when you work with children''s playthings," he curses, "Well. No matter, you''ll be fine. I''d planned to keep you on a lower-than-normal dose in any case." I blink at him.

    "What''s going on?" I ask.

    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

    Instead of answering, he asks a question of his own. "You know the nexus tried to hide your existence from us? He succeeded, for a little while. Quite the breach of our... understanding," he says, only confusing me more. I no longer feel feral. Instead, everything is surreal. Like I am in a fever dream. I can''t catch up to him, largely by his design, it seems.

    "What agreement?" I ask and he shrugs.

    "You know, even an increased dosage shouldn''t work on you. From what we saw while you lived in the nexus, your resilience, your downright stubbornness, and above all, your power... This poison shouldn''t even be enough to slow you down. You could have been out of here on day one, if you dropped the weight around your neck. Of course, you''ve never done things the easy way, have you? Killed another sage without ever meeting him, in a way, and all while sleeping on the job. You''re an amazing specimen, Sarafyna. But not amazing enough. Not yet," he praises, leaving me more confused than ever.

    "P-poison?" I ask, "I thought it was just... drugs. I don''t understand, you want to free me, now you want me dead? What did I do, exactly?" The boy chuckles.

    "I don''t want you dead. No, quite the opposite. You are in no danger, poison is just our only option. A sleeping concoction alone would never slow down a local sage. Poison, however, well that limits your use of the nexus. You can only do so much to one person with nexus energy. Even the threads of reality themselves have limits before they''ll snap. But you have already displayed it takes more than a little poison to stop you, haven''t you?" he pokes.

    I sit back against the wall. "What does that mean?" I reply and he tilts his head.

    "Well, it''s how the nexus controlled you for so long. Or did you think it had a fetish for force-feeding? Still, didn''t stop you, did it? You fought it better than any sage ever has, in fact. That''s the answer to your question, by the way. What I want with you. What all the sages want with you. We want a weapon against the nexus. And you... you fit the bill," he replies.

    My jaw slackens as I look at him. "You drugged me... no, poisoned me, locked me up, and left me worrying about my trapped loved ones... in the hopes that I would help you? What is wrong with you? I have people that need me!" I challenge and he shakes his head.

    "Not at all. I sent people to put you here to make you stronger. Or to force you to trim the dead weight. Either way, you''ll be more formidable when you escape this room. As for helping me, well. I honestly don''t give a shit if you help me. I don''t care if you hate me. What matters to me is that you hate the nexus more. I don''t need your cooperation. I just know that, once you can fight the nexus, you won''t leave it alone to spite me," he replies.

    "I''m confused. You''re a sage so... you work with the... cat and bird people. Haven''t you been sending them through the nexus? Isn''t that how you captured me? Because you... want me to fight it?" This kid is insane. Or maybe he is just a kid with too much power. Then again, Lillith is older than she looks. Maybe he is too. In any case, he isn''t making sense.

    "Like I said, we have an arrangement. And if it can hide things, so can we. You don''t need to worry about that. You just need to figure out how you are getting out of this room. I think we can agree on that, no?" he replies, uninterested in fully explaining himself. I sigh. He''s right. All I care about is making it back to Annie. Whatever game he''s playing... well, I''ll ask Annie about it when I''m back. But I need to get back.

    I sigh, slumping my shoulders and hanging my head. If he knows how I can get out, I need to know. Annie, Peter, and Dad are all that matter to me right now. "Alright," I agree. "Is that why you are here? To speed up the process of my escape... from you? How?" I ask. I''ll play along if it gets me free. At least I have someone to negotiate with this time.

    "Do you know why the nexus... collects people? Why it changes them?" He asks in response. I stare at him blankly, then shake my head. "It''s because it wants to grow. It wants more power. More nexus energy. It''s a glutton for the stuff. It can never have enough. It''s why most of us sages can''t enter the nexus. It will overpower us. Devour us. Only one sage has ever entered and left alive," he says. I look at him in bafflement.

    "Why would torturing people..." I trail off and he answers the unfinished question.

    "There are two ways to become a sage. Local. Foreign. It doesn''t matter. One is to consume, literally, another sage. Or a bit of them. This is how your ''priests'' earn their little minor nexus abilities. It''s also how the nexus, and you, grow their abilities," he says. I wince at that, feeling more aware of my scars than ever. "The other way is simple. Need. That''s all it is. A need that exists like a stake inside you, burrowing through your heart, and stomach, and mind. Something that you would break the world to fulfill. Ambition. Loneliness. Desperation. Any of these, in the right heart, can create a nexus sage. Someone with the ability to grab the threads of the reality nexus and pull.

    "And once a sage is created, they can keep pulling. Some more than others, and everyone in a different way. Everyone has a limit. Everything you try to change has a limit. Foreign sages can''t alter their bodies because existing in this world already takes too much constant and active nexus energy. Even local sages run into barriers and limits. Some people have seemingly arbitrary limits. But in all cases, a true nexus sage is created through need. And that''s what the nexus does. It creates desperation. The desperation of being trapped in hell. Trapped in your own body. Of being alone. Anything it can. The ''Radiant Woods'' as you call them, are a farm. To create and grow sages, then consume them when they can grow no further. All to feed the nexus and allow its powers to grow."

    I stare at him in horror. I almost question why he is telling me this but... of course, he wants me to fight the nexus. Me and Annie, I suppose. I almost think he''s lying to ensure this result but... it''s true. I know it''s true. Because I lived it, and he''s right. Something else falls into place at the same time. "And you''re doing the same..." I mutter. He grins.

    "That''s right. And it''s working. I can see your desperation. Your loneliness. You''ll grow here, until you are too strong for these... toys to contain. Or you''ll stop wasting your nexus energy on useless baggage. Either way, you''ll escape. And the nexus will be even more frightened of you," he agrees.

    "And why tell me all that? Why tell me your whole plan?" I ask.

    "It''s simple really. You mastered the nexus itself when you didn''t know what your power was. With context? You are going to be terrifying. And you are going to do it much more quickly. I am fascinated to see the results," he grins.

    "And when we finish with the nexus, and come for you next?" I ask.

    "Oh, honey. You''re not going to kill the nexus. You''re not that strong. But you''ll try. It''s in your nature. And you''ll try to make it hurt while you do. That''s all we need from you. It will be enough," he mocks. He turns and knocks on the door three times. Before it opens he looks back at me. "Why do you keep those scars, by the way? I have always wondered." I look at him in confusion. He shrugs. "Well, you should think about that too. I promise you, even if people act like they aren''t there, even if they say they don''t notice them... they do. Something else to work on while you are trying to escape."

    I glare at his back as the door opens and he starts happily chatting with the steward outside. I feel that feral rage growing in my chest again. Then the door closes, and I am again in darkness.

 Chapter 34 - Fight the Sickness

    Lillith

    "I... wouldn''t go in there if I were you," Ed warns from outside the lab. "She''s not feeling her best. She can be a bit hostile. Very quickly and with little provocation." I grit my teeth. I can hear you, asshole. It may not quite be like my strength, but my hearing is nothing to scoff at. If that little shit warns people about my temperament one more goddamn time... I audibly growl and Autumn and Henry look at me with awkward trepidation. Ember, the final person in the room, just shakes her head in irritation.

    "I don''t want to bother her, I really don''t. But... It''s Sam. I don''t think he''s doing so well, since Mom..." Peter trails off. I feel a pang of regret. That poor man. This isn''t the first time he''s lost Sarafyna. I''m honestly afraid to face him. It''s been nearly a month now, and I am useless. Just more and more sick. More and more furious. I am fucking useless to the woman I love, and to everyone who relies on her. And I am useless to her father. "He just needs someone to communicate with him," Peter continues after a moment.

    "I understand," Ed replies, "I just want to warn-"

    "Christ just send him in Edward, he deserves that much" I call through the door. Raising my voice forces me to cough which splatters the circle I am designing with speckles of red. Autumn and Henry look at me like I''m crazy.

    "Who are you talking to, Lily?" Autumn asks and I just roll my eyes. I didn''t actually request two people for sanity checks, but I can''t exactly begrudge Henry for bringing his girlfriend along. He basically spends all day, every day with me. It''s not reasonable to resent him and his happy relationship, nor my friend for keeping him company. It isn''t reasonable. But I haven''t been in a reasonable mood, lately. I feel like, well, absolute fucking shit. I''ve been sleeping less than an hour each night, and when I do it literally feels like dying. I should know.

    I don''t bother answering Autumn, as Peter does it for me a moment later. I feel an irritating mixture of regret and annoyance as his eyes dim when he sees me, but Autumn and Henry visibly relax when they realize I was actually responding to someone. It makes me regret ever telling them I may be mentally compromised by this. Of course, that''s exactly why I had to tell them when I did. I suppress an exasperated sigh and force a weak smile. "Hey, Peter. How are you holding up?" I ask. He looks awkwardly to the side, gripping one arm with his opposing hand.

    "Hey, I''m really sorry to bother you, I know you''ve been busy... trying to help," he frets. "Maybe this wasn''t such a good idea." He glances at my face again and grimaces. I know exactly why. I look like I feel. My hair is thinning, from medication or anxiety, I don''t know. Probably both. The dark circles under my eyes grow a little puffier every day, and I am quickly becoming the whitest woman this side of Potestia. I''ve lost weight as well, which I really didn''t need to lose. Food makes me feel sick and tastes like... nothing.

    I feel like there is no right answer. I want to rest, for Sarafyna. Because she wanted me to rest. But when I do, it doesn''t help. I can never sleep. And I feel like I''m failing her. I can''t do anything. Anything at all to help her. Of course, when I do work, it still doesn''t help her. All this time and I have no idea how to get to her. It''s a fucking mess. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from snapping at this poor kid, looking for comfort while his adopted mother is missing. It takes me a little too long to respond and he starts to turn before I speak. "No, it''s alright," I say. "It''s good to see you more. Sara would like us spending more time around each other. What''s on your mind?" I prod.

    "It''s... It''s Sam. He''s... well. I think you understand. He''s taking this hard. And you''ve been so busy. Constantly working, and I know that''s because you want to get mom back, but I thought... I thought you would have a moment, eventually. And when you had a moment, you could visit Sam. For more than a minute, I mean. To talk to him. Reassure him. Reassure me. But..." he trails off and I understand. Looking at me, no one is going to feel reassured. The only thing I can do is... present the little hope he has as an exhausted, dying woman. He doesn''t have to say this. I don''t have to say this. Everyone in the room understands. Thankfully, Henry speaks up on my behalf.

    "You know, I spent some time back in Satusmor, trapped like your mom is. Longer than this. Lillith pulled me out of there. I uh, I can talk to Sam, if you want?" he offers. Peter''s eyes brighten in an almost imperceptible way. He''s not happy, but he''s... relieved. I get it. He''s like me. Desperate to do something, with nothing to do.

    "That would actually be really great," Peter agrees. "Thank you..." He stands around awkwardly for a moment while I look down at the circle I was drawing. At the steel spike in the middle of its own circle that Ember is quietly directing unaspected mana into. The silence drags on for a long moment before it grows unbearable and Henry speaks again.

    "And you know what, now would actually be a great time for that. Autumn, do you mind hanging back?" He requests. Autumn and Henry try to share a subtle glance and I roll my eyes.

    "She won''t let me do anything stupid, alright? You''re good to go," I say, dismissing my brother and breaking the awkward moment. A deep throbbing radiates from the back of my neck, into my head. I want to scream except that would make my head throb more.

    "Right. Sorry, Lil," Henry excuses, "Uh... never mind." At this, he joins Peter and begins to speak to him quietly. Peter gives me an apologetic look.

    "Thank you, Lillith. I uh... Let me know if I can help in any way, when the time comes. To get mom, I mean. Let me know, please," he requests. I muster a nod, and the two finally leave. If I strained, I could probably hear their whispering, or whatever they say to Ed as they leave. I don''t have the energy for it, however.

    "He''s really worried about you, you know," Autumn says once my brother is far enough away. "He''s hardly sleeping any more than you are." I nod.

    "... I know," I whisper in response. And I do. It is wretched, how much I do. Because no matter what face he, or anyone else I love presents to me, I can feel it. Their grief is acid running through my veins. I can even feel it from Autumn right now. "He''s a good man."

    "He is," Autumn agrees. "Do you think... you''ll be alright?" I pause, still looking at my drawing, then take a deep breath.

    "I don''t know, Autumn. I''m sorry. But, if it gets too bad, if I don''t think I can push anymore, I''ll make sure he knows he did everything he could. I won''t let him do anything stupid either. I promise," I say, answering the question she was working her way toward. She looks down, a little embarrassed, but grateful. And with that out of the way, I can finally fucking focus on what I am doing. I will find a way through the Woods if it literally kills me. Better than just dying without doing anything.

    "It''s stabilized," Ember interrupts before either of us can react.

    I look up at the feline woman with a raised eyebrow. "Think this one will work?" I ask. She shrugs.

    "I told you I''ve never made one before, it might still take some trial and error. But I''ve seen them used for riot control before. It feels closer to those, this time," she replies, handing it to me before offering her wrists to Autumn to replace her mana dispersal cuffs.

    "Thanks," I say mechanically. "Might as well leave them off for now, though. It''ll be easier to tell if this works. Let''s go." With that, all three of us begin to head outside. This can''t really be tested indoors. Ed falls in behind us as we leave the lab, following along, of his own accord, to keep an eye on Ember.

    "You seem pretty good at enchantments, for a scout," Autumn muses, tilting her head at Ember as we walk.

    "I was going to school for enchanting before I enlisted," she explains with boredom. "Didn''t Lillith tell you this?" I shrug.

    "Figured your personal details were personal," I dismiss. Ember has been telling me all about her culture, over the last month. But I haven''t absorbed much of it. Usually, I would find it fascinating but my mind is so murky. I feel like I''m constantly wading through jello. And it''s hard to focus on history when all I can really think about is Sarafyna. What she needs. How she''s being treated. How to bring her home.

    Ember clicks her tongue but looks toward Autumn. "A lot of people join up for different positions around the nexus. Just to get away from sages, for one reason or another. It''s the only place they refuse to go. Well, it''s the only place they''d be insane to go anywhere near. I can''t believe Sa-" She cuts herself off realizing she is about to step into dangerous territory. "Anyway, a lot of us have different skills and abilities. Besides, basic enchantments are an elective in school. Military enchantments are a specialization as well."

    Autumn nods. "I suppose that makes sense. What is this one anyway? You and Lillith keep stabbing it into the ground, but it never does anything. You just mutter about it together afterward. What''s the point? You said it''s for... riot control? What''s that?" I answer this one.

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    "It''s like the mana dispersal cuffs Ember usually wears, but stronger. And external," I explain. "Essentially, it''s like a portable dispersal circle. Pump it full of mana, stab it into the ground, and it''ll eliminate all mana in an area. Even mine, I think." I''m not so sure about that last part. I made some minor changes. I know Godfrey is working on spreading my circle, and I know there is a nonzero chance of success. Not a high one, but nonzero. "If these are going to be effective, they have to be effective against everyone. As such they don''t just disperse mana, they absorb any mana that tries to gather. This means anyone near one of these spikes, I''m dubbing them riot spikes, will just be a normal person. And with someone like me around them, they will actually last longer."

    "What do you mean someone like you?" Ember cuts in and I curse internally. Shit. This fucking brain fog. One of the things I''ve been trying not to share with her was the workings of my circle. I sure as hell don''t want another situation like Godfrey''s, thinking about recklessly testing my circle out on other people. I''ll have to come up with an excuse later. For now, I''ll change the subject before anyone says something more revealing.

    "Aren''t you worried someone will use this against you?" Autumn asks. So much for that. I sigh.

    "Yeah, I am," I reply in resignation while Ember''s eyes track me with suspicion. "But it''s a tool uniquely useful against me in that way. What we gain from everyone in Potestia having the chance to level the playing field far outweighs the risk to me alone. It''s a trade I''m willing to make."

    "Oh. OH!" Autumn exclaims. "I thought you were making some super spell weapon or something, but that''s not it at all! You are taking the noble''s advantage away! With enough of these, if they work, it''ll just be like fighting the guards!" I nod.

    "Better, actually. When was the last time you saw a noble with a sword, spear, or any kind of weapon? Even a magic knight? We put weapons in the people''s hands and spread these around and we''ll be the ones with an advantage," I tell her.

    "Sounds... scary. Our people don''t know how to fight either, for the most part. Will that be okay?" Autumn challenges.

    "It''ll be dangerous. I wish that wasn''t the case. But if it comes to using these, well. We''ll have numbers and grief on our side. At that point, enough people will be too angry for a few guards and knights without magic to effectively stop," I answer as we exit the building and make our way to an empty field. Ember and Ed start laying stones with light and sound enchantments in a practiced way.

    "And the noble families, like mine, that haven''t changed their minds yet?" Autumn asks, audibly casually but with visible strain on her face. It''s back to this again, of course.

    "Well. That''s one reason we have been all over Potestia all this time. We''ve been doing all we can. Giving people options. Telling people they aren''t going to get their luxuries back. Their slaves and wealth are gone for good. Whether they actively participated or passively benefited, it''s over and it''s not coming back. All they have to do is accept that," I reply. I examine the spike for a moment and continue, "And of course, to organize. To keep people together. A united front rather than aimless violence when the time comes."

    "Is there no more peaceful way to change minds?" Autumn tries while I clear out the ground where I want to stab the spike.

    "Sure. But anytime people try, the guards and knights brutalize them. Round them up. Enslave them. Potestia doesn''t exactly have free speech, you know. Even if they did, how many times are we supposed to ask nicely to be treated like people? Peaceful often just means quiet. Ignorable. Eventually, you have to do something that can''t be ignored. Because I''ll tell you what. Sitting comfortably in your mansion while the knights burn a brothel down to punish commoners? That''s violence," I answer.

    I''m speaking far more calmly than the first time I had an argument about this. Almost idly, like the conversation is in the background. Largely because Autumn has changed a lot, and I''ve changed... a little. Also because I have a hard time focusing on all of that. Because none of this is what I want to be doing. What I want to be doing is storming the Kingdom of Endings and burning their fucking ''palace'' down. I want to be saving Sara. But these pointless arguments and designing weapons I can''t give to people is all I can do. At least they distract me from my complete lack of ideas for saving the woman I love.

    "What if more powerful mages come along? Like Godfrey, or Kallon?" Autumn replies, changing the subject. "They can move fast and, honestly, there are a few ways around these... couldn''t both sides end up getting killed for nothing?"

    "The idea is to do it all at once. Maybe not at exactly at the same time, but within a couple of weeks for every city. As for Godfrey and Darian and the others, I-"

    "We''re ready," Ember cuts in.

    "Hold that thought," I say to Autumn. This conversation went a long way in distracting me from... everything, But I have a new distraction now. "If all goes well, none of us will be mages in a moment. It can be a little strange if you''ve never been in a dispersal circle, Autumn. But it won''t hurt or anything. Everyone ready?" Ember rolls her eyes and Autumn nods. I feel nervous. I don''t know why. I won''t be able to distribute these. They won''t get me any closer to Sara. They will effectively be useless for now. Still. It feels like, if I can''t even do this... I need to be able to do something. So I need these to work, however useless I may still feel afterward. So I push a little mana into the spike and drive it into the ground.

    I wake up in my bed, Henry sitting next to me and Ember leaning against the wall, tinkering with something. My mouth tastes like copper. My muscles are sore. And...I feel pretty good, actually. Like I can think clearly. The walls that were closing in on me have backed off. I still feel more pressure than a helicopter mother behind my eyes, but comparatively speaking, I''m doing okay. "Henry? What happened?" I ask causing him to nearly jump out of his skin.

    "Shit, Lily! Are you fucking good?" He interrogates, examining me with the wide-eyed look of the thoroughly startled.

    "Are you an idiot?" Ember cuts in before I can answer my brother.

    "That is a common sentiment, yes," I reply. "Any particular reason it only just now occurred to you to verify?"

    "Was that snark? Shit, you were right, it does work!" Henry literally claps.

    "I knew you were sick. I knew it was affecting your mind. But none of that made me regret our deal. Knowing you were insane long before you got sick, on the other hand," Ember laments, rubbing her temples with her index fingers.

    "Insane I may have always been. But slow to get to a point? Well, yeah, that too sometimes. Still. It''s annoying so what are you talking about?" The words come out before I even think about them. In a way they haven''t in weeks. In a way I lacked both the physical and emotional energy for. Both of those seem to have improved. A switch flipped in my head. Not only do I feel better, for some reason, I feel less hopeless about Sara. I still lack any ideas to get to her. But... it feels like I just saw her.

    "I finally saw your magic circle, is what I mean," Ember growls. "It''s impossible, you should be dead. I thought you were dead, when you collapsed out there."

    "I did too, for the record," Henry adds. "The lack of heartbeat makes it very confusing. You''re lucky we''ve seen this before, or Ed woulda told Mom and then you''d be dead for sure." I smile at my brother, but my focus is on Ember.

    "What''s impossible?" I push.

    "You can''t survive turning your body into a magic space. Not unless you are a sage, and a more powerful one than average at that. Which you insist you are not. You should have died the second you finished the center rune. And don''t get me started on the level of magic permeation you''ve baked in. You have your damn bone marrow storing mana? No wonder you are sick! What kind of a person designs a circle like this? Both of these should have killed you years ago! Fucking insane," Ember lectures.

    "Then, why didn''t they?" I respond.

    "How should I know? But I''ll tell you what, you absolutely cannot go anywhere near another dispersal circle. I assume you went inside one just before getting sick? One that powers some other kind of enchanted artifact?" she guesses. I snap my fingers in realization.

    "Oh. Well shit," I answer.

    "What?" Henry asks, looking back and forth between us.

    "It''s the drain. The part I added to our spikes. Right?" I say.

    "That would be my guess," Ember replies. "Hard to say, since no one has survived this long with either idiotic mistake you made with your circle. What the fuck were you thinking?" Her glare is half anger, half bewilderment. Shit, how was I supposed to know it was so dangerous? There is a reason I didn''t try it again on anyone else once side effects showed up.

    "Uh, you only live once?" I offer. Then I pause, "Wait..." I really am feeling better. That stupid joke would have refused to enter my brain before. "So... why do I feel better?" I ask.

    "Oh, she made these for you," Henry replies, raising my own arm to present to me. It has an unfamiliar bracelet and several rings.

    "You shouldn''t feel better," Ember replies. "Those are artifacts that are collecting the mana trying to feed your cancer. They slow it down, but they don''t improve its state. A treatment discovered to help people only half as stupid as you. Keep them on, and you should at least stabilize. Better, on the other hand? I wouldn''t count on it any time soon. Not without your little nexus sage around."

    Usually, I would snap at her for that comment. Make her feel small for referring to Sara that way. But I am distracted. So it''s my own fucking circle killing me. This is amazing news. I''d considered it as a possibility but didn''t know how to really investigate. But if that''s the case, everyone else is safe. That''s not all. Because Ember is right. Slowing the cancer down wouldn''t make me feel better. Just stop it from making me feel worse. Not until I was able to treat it. Sure, it could just be a night of sleep, but that feels wrong. Because I feel better about Sara, too.

    I don''t understand it. I don''t know how. But... it feels like she is responsible for this, somehow. It''s knowledge that wraps around me like firelight. I don''t know why I am so certain. But... I know she is safe. I feel so relieved like I just had my first glass of water in days. Until a knock comes at the door. Henry happily answers it, and he seems to know too. I can feel his grief subsiding after just looking at me. He leaves my bedroom to open the front door where he speaks with someone for a brief moment. I hear Clarisse''s name come up and feel a sharp stab of agonizing grief from whoever is on the other side of the door.

    As Henry returns, I have returned to a panic. "What is it? Is Clarisse okay?" I beg. He is reading a letter, apparently dropped off by our visitor.

    "She... she''s fine," Henry replies with a hitch in his voice. "But... Lily, we have to get back to Potestia, now. They... they..." he fails to finish his sentence twice and Ember snaps the letter from his hands.

    "Shit," she mutters. "Here, you''ll want to read this. Seems like the time to start your revolution in earnest has come. Good thing that fucking spike works. Maybe you can tell people how to make it via sphere." She hands the letter to me and I accept it, a sharp pang of anxiety running through my blood.

    As I read it, my blood runs cold. This? Because people started taking care of themselves? Fucking this!? "I am going to kill them all," I reply as soon as I finish reading.

 Interlude - Fight

    Charlotte''s Journal

    When my parents died, I tried to fight. I knew I wasn''t alone. It didn''t matter how many people tried to tell me I invented the fight. How many people insisted no one before me had ever felt uncomfortable in their skin. Had ever felt elation with a new name. I knew I wasn''t alone, because I had met Amelia. I knew then, that our childhood dream of marrying and starting a family could never be. Not in Potestia. Not with a king and a god who wanted to wipe us from history. A slave could never marry a noble. A woman could never marry a woman. And the man they would insist I was could never marry the man they would insist she was.

    I understood once I grew up. There were mountains in the way of my dream. It was just a childhood crush in any case. But it still weighed on me. It wasn''t a dream that should be impossible. Some things are too simple to remain unachievable forever. So I searched. I searched until I found others like me. Slaves. Commoners. Minor nobles. I was the house of Renatus, I had the power to look. And I found them. A few. Men and women who looked in the mirror and knew what they were seeing wasn''t right. Even one person who would accept neither label. And we each fought, in our own way.

    We all had Erics. Amelias. Deaths and banishments of the ones we love. Accusations of abuse, spit at anyone who cared about us and coming straight from our actual abusers. And we were all determined to stop it. I tried to petition the king, but was never granted an audience. My father would have been seen. But the only person anyone was interested in listening to was Charles Renatus. And I wasn''t him. I didn''t understand how I could be acknowledged and dismissed at the same time. I would never be a woman in their eyes. I would only fit in the role they had designed for me.

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    But at the same time... they did acknowledge me. They did treat me like a woman. Or, the same way they treat women. Contempt. Dismissal. I had to live in the body they demanded or I was challenging the Collector himself. I had to use the name they gave me, wear the clothes they assigned. In the ways that made me loathe myself, I was a man to them. In the ways that made them loathe me, they knew I was a woman. Not to be entertained. Not to be listened to. To be treated as an ornament of their power.

    I could not change things. Or... If I wanted to change anything, I needed to give up on myself. I still hadn''t hurt enough. So we had to fight. Just to be seen. Just to be heard. Just to exist, every single day. We had to weather interrogations, glares, sneers. Contempt from all directions.

    I hired doctors and alchemists to help us. It looked like something could be done. Like there was some way to move closer to bodies that fit our souls. Sadie, a friend and former servant was the first to try. The potion that was supposed to start the change. But... everything fell apart. Just as they were starting to come together. Just as we started to hope. The more public we were the angrier everyone else was. And if we were happy? Well. That only upset them more. Sadie was the first to die.

    That was when a silent war broke out. I had a friend named Rose with fire in her blood. Fire, and rage, and grief. She killed Sadie''s murderers. And it was too late. Violence and counterviolence. Sadie inspired all of us. But I was the only one who could really fight. One by one our friends died following her plans. And then Rose died. And I was alone again. And no one even knew we had been fighting. No one knew my friends were dead. Because no one cared. And anyone who did cared just enough to make sure it was silent. Forgotten. Everyone was forgotten. Everyone but me, and I would only ever be heard if I used a name that slid off my tongue like bile. When my friends died, I stopped fighting. I''d seen what it would lead to.

 Chapter 35 - Incentives

    Dominic

    I sit in my new room with my head in my hands, waiting for Grandfather to finish his meeting. I don''t understand how this could have happened to Visenar. I had left to help a few lords sort out their cities and redistribute long-range whisper spheres where they had seemingly gone missing. I''d known things were bad, but they were progressing in that direction steadily. Slowly. I''d expected to find an anxious but functional city when I returned. Instead, I''d arrived and my home was under siege from the inside.

    One of Grandfather''s bards had to sneak me into the palace, apparently through the same escape routes he''d been using to keep any semblance of control over the city. He''s been ruling and providing by sending bards and knights out under the cover of darkness just to keep his people fed. His people who cower in their homes every day instead of meeting their friends, going to their shops, and living their lives. I was surprised to find him ruling at all, much less in this state. Too much happened while I was out of the city.

    I can''t help but feel furious at all of our allies. Our allies Grandfather protected from the Mage of Mourning. With his advice, they stayed safely off of her list for four years. With their help now, he could have ended this sickening stalemate. I hear yet another barrage hit the barrier around the palace. The rebel king alone couldn''t do that. Not constantly. At least our allies are contributing mana to this spell. Still, it must be exhausting Grandfather. Of course, these supposed allies are comfortable offering support as long as they feel safe. As long as they feel comfortable. The minute they have to put their necks on the line? Nothing. How long has he had to keep this up? The bard who brought me here barely had time to catch me up.

    Well. Whatever the case is, it changes now. I am back and I am quite possibly the most powerful mage in the country. I have no idea how long this rebel king spent in his circle, but I know it wasn''t the royal circle. And I have an entire generation on Kallon, despite our similar ages. I won''t let my grandfather... no, I won''t let the king fight alone any longer. I am going to stand beside him. And if that isn''t enough to get our allies off their asses, well. Who cares? The two of us will tear this country back from the rebels. No more hiding behind a shield. We are getting to the people, and giving them their lives back.

    A sharp knock comes at my door and I open it in a single breath. The bard on the other side blinks in surprise before clearing his throat. "His Majesty is ready for you," he invites. I straighten my shirt and nod. He then begins to escort me to the throne room. The halls of the palace are quieter than I expected. We are harboring a large number of the more powerful nobles in the city. I suppose we lack the supplies to support their usual frivolity. I would nevertheless expect a little more life in the building. It''s nearly as quiet here as it is in the city. The first people we pass are a group of four, all dressed in heavy woolen cloaks that obscure both face and figure. Three of them are unusually tall, nearly a pace and a half over me, while the fourth seems petite.

    The taller members of the group walk in a strange lilting fashion, while the shorter seems to quickly shift focus between everything they pass. I try to place them, but I''m certain I''ve never met a noble of any station at that height, much less three. I don''t actually think I''ve met anyone of that size before. As they pass I swear I see a taller one''s eyes light up, not with mana but on their own, under their hood. I follow them with my head as we pass each other, nearly walking into my escort. It''s distracting enough that I nearly don''t notice when we arrive at the large doors to the throne room barely a few breaths later. I look around a bit and realize there are few other doors near here, and most are typically used for staff of one variety or another.

    More importantly, no one else came from this direction. Grandfather was in a meeting when I returned, and it seems the members of the strange group before were likely the other attendees. Interesting. The bard pushes the door open with less ceremony than the previous king would ever allow, then steps out of my way. "His Majesty is inside," he invites, nodding toward the new gap.

    "Thank you," I nod in return, and he turns to leave. Grandfather isn''t running too strict a hierarchy I see, which is one thing I have always respected about him. Once inside I see him sitting tiredly at the head of a large table that has been brought into the large hall. It wasn''t there the last time I had been in this room, and I suspect he uses it to meet with the other nobles on something closer to equal ground. There are other rooms for this, but choosing the throne room sends a message about what ''king'' will mean moving forward.

    He looks exhausted, as I suspected. Heavy bags mark his already aged face and his long hair is wiry and unwashed. Even his clothes appear ragged and hardly becoming of a king. Despite it all, he has a soft grin on his lips. "Welcome back, Dominic," he greets happily.

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    "Grandfather," I bow, "I''m sorry I failed to return more quickly. Had I known the situation, I would have rushed back to your side." He shakes his head at me.

    "No. You were doing important work. Did you deliver the intercity spheres to all your assigned cities?" He dismisses. I nod.

    "Yes, Your Majesty. The church seemed to struggle in every city. Either as a result of unwillingness or inability to produce the spheres as they were needed. As such, I used more of the supply I was sent with than I anticipated. I... also struggled to stabilize the economy in each city. I don''t know how, but it seems your, uh, apprentice somehow reached them as well. There wasn''t much I could do," I reported. He waved his hand at me.

    "I''m aware. It seems she has found a way to move freely through the Radiant Woods. It''s no matter, we will see to that in time. So long as we can communicate. You did well, Dominic. And please, call me grandfather. None of that ''Your Majesty'' nonsense. Not among family," he replies. "Please, have a seat." I nod, a soft smile on my own lips now. As I approach the table, I see a shallow but long box on the table, nearer Grandfather''s end. I walk to the seat nearest him and see there is a tall, ornate, and jeweled staff inside. "What do you think of it?" He asks, catching the look in my eyes.

    "What is it?" I reply curiously. He looks at it with something not entirely like consternation.

    "A risk. And a last resort. One I was starting to think I was going to have to use, but am relieved to keep as a backup plan," he answers with obvious relief in his voice.

    I blink at him. "Grandfather," I say with a blank stare, "That is not even sort of an answer to the question. What does it actually do?" His eyes smile at me when he looks up.

    "You''re right," he agrees. "I am getting long-winded in my old age I''m afraid. It is an... artifact of the Collector, I am told. A divine artifact designed to ''set things right'' in a way. It''s supposed to allow powerful divine magic from anyone. Divine magic that can help us rebuild everything that is falling apart." I give him a skeptical look.

    "Just like that?" I press. I glance at the staff again, then back at my grandfather. "And where does the last resort bit come in?" That sounds a little too easy for me. And it included too many references to information from a third party. As much as I would love a divine artifact that builds our cities, feeds our people, and satisfies our nobles... I have difficulty believing anything but hard work is going to accomplish any one of those things. There is also a... hollow look in my grandfather''s eyes. Something just behind the smile they wear, like mold under new paint. There was more to this. It gave me the feeling of something that should never be focused on.

    He let a deep breath out through his nose. "Well, for one it is apparently most effective, and safest when used by a powerful divine mage. And ours is, well, dead. If I use it..." he trails off and the weight of the silence tells the rest of the story. I understand immediately. It will kill him. But... that can''t be it. If that was all, I''d grab it right now and give everything to help Grandfather fulfill his dream. He would too. There must be more than that. But that is the second time he has dodged my real question. It''s clear he won''t be sharing the rest. Which is alright, I can wait.

    "You said you could keep it as a backup plan?" I ask. At this, his face... brightens? I''m unsure. He has an excitable energy about him, but he also raised me. I can taste the poison in this excitement. I''ll have to press him about it later.

    "That''s right, you wouldn''t know, would you? I''m sure you have much to report about the country at large, but I have something else to announce, and not just to you. But I can tell you a bit. It''s about Lillith''s strange magic circle," he explains and it''s my turn to brighten.

    "You finally found where she was hiding it?" I poke and he shakes his head.

    "She had it with her the entire time. She somehow figured out a way to carry it with her, tattooed onto her body. Completely ignoring the need to find the center of a designated space. She has never left her circle. And I saw the design, when she was in the dungeon," he reveals and my eyes widen. That shouldn''t be possible. No one can do that. "Not only did I see the design, but-" there is a loud knock at the door, interrupting him. "Enter!" he calls to the open door. "Well, it seems the rest are here now. Allow me to show you."

    At that a stream of affluent nobles begin to file into the room, each taking a seat along the large table. I have to hold back a sneer at all of these so-called ''supporters''. I could get away with it if I did, considering how hard each is working to avoid making eye contact. "We have come as requested, Your Majesty," one man says while bowing slightly, just before taking the seat opposite me. "However, if this is about confronting the revolutionary army, we still fear it would be unwise while we still have other options. Even with the aid of your grandson. Welcome back, Prince Dominic, of course." He adds that last bit with the haste of a man who forgot his anniversary.

    "Worry not, Lord Anders," Grandfather dismisses. "I didn''t call you here to re-hash old conversations. At least not... without incentive. Please, present yourselves." He then turns in his seat and gestures to two men, emerging from Grandfather''s private office at the back of the room. One of them is clearly a beleaguered priest, the weight of overwork hanging around his neck. Few people notice this, however, as everyone''s eyes are firmly fixed on the other man. A tall commoner, with mana swirling and gathering around him as he walks, no magic circle in sight.

    "Now. In exchange for sharing this circle with your houses, do any of you feel confident enough to put down this fucking revolution now?" he asks the silent room, just as the new mage stops at the table.

 Chapter 36 - Understanding Sacrifice

    Everything has changed. Everything. Nobles that wouldn''t lift a finger to repay a debt will absolutely put their necks on the line for more power. If not to get ahead, then to avoid falling behind. They don''t have a choice really. Not after seeing a commoner gathering more mana than any of their circles ever have, and with freedom of movement. If only one noble agreed to help us, they would likely become the most powerful noble house outside of royalty in a single generation. Even if they didn''t, Grandfather has it. After a couple of generations of only the royal family having it? They will be further behind us than ever. Eventually, their support will be entirely unnecessary and pointless.

    And so, here we are. With actual support, standing on either side of a massive yellow barrier of mana. The onslaught has stopped and the air is electric. I stand next to my grandfather and a dozen of the most powerful mages in Visenar. Behind us, twenty or so bards in full combat attire prepare different types of mana. Several carry different instruments, actually living up to their name for a battle of this scale. Others use different means to create the emotional responses they are looking for. Pain. Anger. Indignation. Many remain unarmed and rely on snide comments alone. In any case, it is unusual to see any of them fully prepared in this way. And of course, at their head is Ansel, finally recovered from his apparent encounter with the mage of mourning.

    On the opposite side stands the false king Darian, smirking at us. Next to him is Kallon, his seething focus entirely on my Grandfather. About four powerful nobles are lined up beside him, alongside nearly a hundred nobles from weaker houses. Overall, it seems like we have a more powerful force. It is just too difficult to overcome the gap between a powerful mage and a weaker one. If I fight Kallon and Grandfather handles Darian, the others will fall into place. The rest of his force doesn''t stand a chance against ours. They did before I got here. And they would have without the rest of the nobles on our side. But now, no. They can''t beat us.

    They seem to remain confident, however. For one reason. Well, two, in a way. The first reason is that Darian doesn''t care about any individual city. He will burn Visenar to the ground so long as the throne is left intact, and he knows we won''t. So he believes he can fight more freely than us. The second reason is, well. He doesn''t know how my grandfather''s magic works.

    "It''s time to surrender, Darian" Grandfather says. "Your little game is over. You know those people behind you will die if we fight. All of you will."

    "We will never fucking surrender, usurper." Kallon coldly replies. He misses the dangerous glance he gets from Darian.

    There is no sign of danger in his voice when he speaks, however. Not for Kallon anyway. "No. We really won''t. For one simple reason. I am stronger than you, Godfrey. You and your grandson. As a mage, yes. But that''s not all there is. I know how to sacrifice. Well, I suppose you do in a way," he prods, sending a chill down my spine as he winks in my direction. "But it''s not enough. You still asked for ''volunteers''. You still want to believe you are a hero. You won''t be able to give up enough to beat me," he taunts. "Now tell me, where is the actual king?" His comment about volunteers makes him wince and I raise an eyebrow at him.

    "Volunteers? For what?" I ask.

    "You know the answer to that. Let''s say you are right," Grandfather replies, focusing on Darian rather than me. "Let''s say you do beat me. What happens then? You step aside and give the throne to Kallon here? How exactly does this alliance work?" Kallon bristles but Darian simply grins.

    "Perhaps you should worry about your own allies more? You wouldn''t bring your dear grandson out here without telling him how you made it happen, would you?" he taunts, fixing his eyes on mine. "So, did he tell you? How he got this whole party together? How he got the support he needed to brave this fight?" I blink at him, then glance at Grandfather, who maintains his forward focus.

    "He discovered a new magic circle," I challenge, setting my jaw. I don''t know what he''s implying, but it''s not going to make me turn on him. Darian gives me a wide smile.

    "You were right, Kallon. He is soft. Too soft even for the pretender king. Why don''t you share the body count of this discovery? Tell your poor, naive grandson how many of his precious commoners you sacrificed, just for a carrot to dangle in front of your supposed supporters. Or did you not think I knew about that?" he pushes, grinning a little too widely at both of us. It''s pathetic. Grandfather is the one who taught me to respect the commoners. The one who suggested sharing magic with them. Moving the country forward. He''s a compassionate man. I glare at Darian and wait for Grandfather to spit the slander back at him.

    And I wait. And Darian''s grin only grows wider, until I am forced to finally look at King Godfrey with wide, hopeful eyes. He continues to avoid eye contact. I swallow, my heart sinking into my stomach with dread. "What does he mean, Grandfather?" I finally ask. He doesn''t look at me, but he does wince.

    "Everyone involved in the development of the new royal circle participated voluntarily. I sacrificed no one. We took risks, together. On equal footing, to win this country back from your sick revolution. To earn a life back for the people of this city. How dare you try to reduce their... dedication to a weapon to hurt Dominic?" Grandfather challenges. His words are wind through chimes. I can hear their attempt at music, and the hollow truth behind them. Darian chuckles and Kallon sneers.

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    "Oh yes. My mother volunteered in the same way once. To serve the country and the king. I''m certain you walked them all past the mass graves in what used to be the palace gardens. Introduced them to the volunteers before them. Offered them magic, wealth, and renown even if they turned you down. Certainly you, the supposed king of the country, didn''t make a request of the people you rule and believe they knew they could say ''no''? Right? If not at first, certainly after the first dozen died? The first hundred? The first thousand? No?" he chides, then directs his attention to me.

    "You''re here to support your favored king?" he asks. "To stop my revolution for the people''s sake? Boy, I am the people. I was discarded and lived among them. I struggled alongside them. Lived like them. I started at the same level as any commoner. I earned my position. My power. I am the representation of the people. Of what they all dream of achieving. Godfrey here? He''s the same as every king who came before him. More concerned with appearing benevolent. More worried about feeling kind. But people like me? We remain tools to him. Ask to see the mass graves, if you live through this. See how far his noble dreams reached." I spit on the ground, just shy of the barrier between us.

    "Bullshit," I challenge. "You expect me to believe He sees commoners as tools and you represent them? You who have kept them locked in their homes, sneaking out to gather food and too afraid to visit their families? You who has terrorized every citizen in Visenar in the name of revenge? And look at your allies! Slave owners desperate to regain their comforts! You''d kill or enslave every person in this city if it got you what you wanted. You want me to believe you will be delicate with these people, and you cover it with lies about the better king who got the throne you covet?"

    Darian sighs and shakes his head. Godfrey remains terrifyingly silent. "You misunderstand me, child," he condescends, "I never criticized your dear, aging grandfather for understanding sacrifice. If he didn''t I would be sitting on the throne already. You''re right, I understand it too. I will sacrifice whatever I need to. No, Godfrey''s problem is he is too ashamed of it. He wants to sacrifice without losing the love of the people. Without losing you. So he came to a battle counting on the loyalty of a child. A child who believes in a fictional version of him. Yes, Kallon told me all about you, Dominic. You truly do love the people. You don''t understand the burden of the crown at all. You really want the commoners as equals. But if you are here to put down everyone like me, who will do whatever they need to do to seize this country, well... You don''t have a single ally on the field."

    I look at my grandfather. "I''m sick of listening to this shit. This fucking slander. Grandfather, please explain to him that you have never hurt anyone. Tell him you are ruling this country for the people, not by using them like he wants. Stop letting him smear your name!" I beg. Grandfather lifts his chin and finally looks at me.

    "He is trying to divide us. To make us doubt each other. What matters here, at this moment, is that this is an evil man who cannot be allowed to rule this country. We will catch up on the rest once we have the breathing room to do so. Once this despot has been removed as a threat," he answers. There is something chilling in that answer. Because he is right. He is absolutely correct. Whatever happens, I have to stop Darian from taking the throne. If that happens, we will never succeed in spreading magic. Everything he said was true. But what he didn''t say? That''s what runs through my veins like ice. He didn''t say ''No, of course I sacrificed no one.'' He didn''t deny a word Darian said. I have to believe he just needs me to focus but... there is something in his eyes. Something in the way they keep flicking away from me.

    Nevertheless, I nod. I put my hand on my grandfather''s shoulder and whisper, "Alright, grandfather. We''ll talk about this later. But... I need him to be lying, do you understand?" He gives a nearly imperceptible nod. He understands. Understands that if there is a grain of truth in Darian''s words, my grandfather cannot be the king for long. That we need someone that the people can trust if we are ever going to get them back on our side. "I think we have discussed enough," I announce more loudly. "Why delay this any longer?"

    Darian steps back and bows. Kallon glares at Grandfather, eyes boiling with hatred. The revolutionary nobles gather mana. Some of our bards stretch casually. One with braids puts a violin under her chin, creating a strangely calm juxtaposition against the environment. Following suit, a woman next to her raises a flute to her lips. One bard literally sticks his tongue out at the opposing force. Grandfather starts to move his oppressive, yellow mana. He and I both stop suppressing our aura at the same time, allowing reality to nearly crack around us. Darian''s lesser nobles nearly crumple under the pressure, until he and Kallon release their auras as well.

    Kallon, as I suspected, has a slightly less impressive aura than me. But Darian. Darian''s aura far surpasses my expectations. I don''t have to look at our allies to know panic has started to leak in. His aura is a deep, crimson red. Nearly brown, like dried blood on cloth. His followers immediately regain their footing. "So, King Godfrey the wise and kind, who only murders volunteers. How do you plan to fight me here, in this city? How do you plan to end a revolution without killing your own people?" Darian mocks.

    Grandfather doesn''t answer. He sets his jaw and, in a breath, expands his yellow shield across everyone on the battlefield. The color fills every sense, the heat of his aura seeping into our skin, possessing our minds. When we can see again, we are over an open field. Visenar is still visible, as Grandfather''s space mana can only move us so far. Something about the nature of space he has explained to me, but I failed to grasp. He moved two small armies into an open field in an instant. A feat only a royal could ever do. I find myself face-to-face with Kallon. Shit. When he saw Darian''s aura, he should have left him to me. But he separated us into four separate unique conflicts.

    I face Kallon. Grandfather faces Darian. Our key nobles face the Revolutionary nobles. And the mob of lesser nobles is left to the Bards. That is about as much time as I have to take stock of the situation, however, as a tsunami of water forms behind Kallon.

 Chapter 37 - Noblesse Oblige

    Water towers over the battlefield, enough to drown everyone else present if nothing is done. But not enough to stop me. Cold mana erupts from me, assaulting the water in a massive wave of its own. It takes time, but little effort. My mana saturates the wave, spreading ice like a stain on cloth. It''s only a few moments before a massive wall of ice casts a shadow over the entire area. It was a pathetic attempt. A massive amount of mana, just to distract me for a moment. As I turn I see why Kallon even bothered. The little prick doesn''t want to fight me alone. Weeks assaulting the palace and the asshole runs the second someone on his level comes to fight.

    Instead, bursts of familiar pink mana flash beneath his feet. His signature explosion mana he has always been so proud of figuring out. It does make him fast, each explosion not only elevating but accelerating him rapidly through the air. I can''t help but feel impressed. The amount of precision needed to use the force of little blasts like that... He has to perfectly apply each explosion to push his body in the correct direction, at the correct speed. A slight miscalculation and he would spin like a top in the air. Speaking of which, it would be best not to let him beat me to the Bards he is currently racing toward.

    I use wind mana for this. Not a lot, but enough. I first launch myself after him, controlling the wind to accelerate me while also redirecting resistance around me. As I get close enough, I push mana out ahead of me, creating a little wind vortex just where I think his next explosion will go off. I miss once or twice, but I only need to get it right once. He is getting concerningly close to the bard with the flute, but my plan works in time. Just as a massive amount of pink mana prepares a surely deadly spell and the bard woman fails to form a defense, I hit just the right spot.

    His foot is pulled into the wind just before his explosion goes off to move him that last little distance he needs to hit the unprepared bard. Instead of setting off an explosion in her face, he trips in mid-air and collides painfully with the ground, just as I fly past him. I can''t help but laugh. Despite how serious the situation is, it''s good to see the arrogant prick eat dirt. Before he can recover, I surround him with pale green wood mana. Roots spring up around him like a liana tree, forcing him against the ground and preventing movement. This doesn''t prevent him from casting unfortunately and his explosion still tries to kill the uninvolved mage.

    I grow another root to force his face into the ground and prevent any attempt to aim further spells. Meanwhile, I pick the bard girl up with wind and push her out of the way. At the same time, I use a wall of wood to intercept the explosion. It does splinter, but it absorbs the majority of the impact. I easily catch the disoriented woman as we both descend to the ground. "Get your hands off of me, freak," she protests, pushing me away as soon as her feet touch the ground. Harsh, but I don''t mind so much.

    "Um, that''s the prince, Viola," another musical bard warns. This one has a violin and braids, and is looking at her friend with embarrassed concern.

    "Don''t worry about it," I laugh. "She''s right, I didn''t have to catch her like that. I''ll admit to showing off a little, that one''s on me." Both women look at me with something of a charmed surprise. It''s not an uncommon look, even some Bards are unused to interacting directly with royalty, and I suppose I am the prince now.

    The flautist, Viola I think, scoffs. "We don''t have time for this. Come on Octavia," she says. The woman with the braids watches me for another moment before following her friend. As I turn to face Kallon, I can hear the surprisingly heavy tones of their music as they return to augmenting their mana with their opponents'' and allies'' emotional reactions to it. What a charming way to fight. As I return to the root trap I curse. A hole in the ground reveals that Kallon has traded one of his aspects for earth mana. He escaped through the ground. I smile. He is too predictable. I casually step to the side just as earth erupts in front of me, Kallon rapidly emerging where I had just been standing. Pressurized water helps propel him more quickly as blades of stone fly through empty air where he''d hoped to find me.

    I laugh and use my cold mana to freeze his water around his feet. My mana easily overpowers him, especially as he tries to throw one of his stone blades at a nearby bard. The man he threw it at easily dodges to the side and sneers at him. "Come on prince- er, sorry. Former prince Kallon. Don''t get cold feet, attack if you are going to attack!" he jabs. His aura immediately flares as he successfully draws the desired emotional response from Kallon. He''d be in danger but I quickly swirl my wind around Kallon to prevent any retaliation, which only empowers the bard more. There is little Kallon can do here. His superiority endoaspect should make it easy for him to kill most people on the battlefield, but it''s a poor match for my protection mana. As long as he is targeting someone else over me, he will be at an even greater disadvantage.

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    "I''m going to fucking kill you," he snarls at me. I glance behind me before pointing at myself.

    "Me? You''re planning to kill me? Well, alright I guess, come on over and give it a shot," I offer. "Oh come on, don''t freeze up on me." He practically bares his teeth as deep blue mana erupts around him, creating a pillar of thick water around him. He''s panicking. The idiot is literally panicking. How many times is he going to make the mistake of using water against me? I immediately bombard it with cold mana, freezing it around him and only further trapping him inside. I''m trying to decide what ice pun will annoy him the most when I see the pink mana inside, shimmering through the newly formed ice. Is he insane? He is more desperate than I thought.

    I quickly summon as much wind as I can to catch the ice shards that erupt as Kallon''s spell shatters it and sends it in all directions. It''s trivial, considering the obvious color of his explosion mana. He''s lucky I don''t kill him now. I can just barely see his desperate mana flaring beyond the wind and ice. If I collapsed this spell on him now... I could shred him to pieces. But he doesn''t deserve that. He''s just a spoiled child. Besides... as much as I hate to admit it in this situation, it''s a little fun fighting like this. We haven''t sparred for so many years. And it gets my mind off everything Darian was saying before the fight. It would be better to incapacitate him, then help Grandfather with the actual enemy.

    "What the fuck are you doing?" a woman screams behind me. "Fucking kill him while you have him there!" I turn to see the Flautist woman from before. Vi-something I think.

    "It''s fine, I have him under contr-" I start to reassure when a loud explosion rings out and the earth shifts beneath my feet. I stumble a bit but don''t fall. "Behave yourself in there!" I call, turning back to the spell behind me. Except, Kallon''s mana is gone. I look around with a sigh. Where is he this time? How irritating. I expect him to come from below again, but as I look down for more shifting in the ground a man''s cries redirect my gaze upwards. Just as the man warned, Kallon is descending on all of us, huge clumps of stone raining down alongside him. He is forming explosion mana behind each in order to create more shrapnel and spread it further.

    "Shit," I whisper under my breath. It''s fine. I can handle this. First, I summon wind in massive quantities, sharpening each gust like a blade. I spread it out over the entire battlefield, protecting both my allies and his from this insane attack. As my wind tears through his stone, my protection mana flares, aiding me in the destruction of my opponent''s mana. At the same time, I grow a massive tree in the center of the battlefield with a huge wooden canopy to absorb as much of the impact and rubble as it can. It''s not perfect, the cover being formed of tangled branches. But it works. Nothing terribly dangerous makes it through.

    We can all hear heavy impacts above us and see flashes of pink light through the cracks. But we are safe in the shade of my spell. It takes a few moments, but eventually, the impacts stop. Terrified combatants on both sides of the battle crouch and look up. We have a nearly kind moment of camaraderie as everyone sighs in relief. But Kallon isn''t done. A moment later every single crack flashes with vibrant pink light, and a massive explosion rings out above us. The shockwave knocks most people off their feet, and the wood canopy bursts into terrifying flames. Even my heart skips a beat as I see it.

    But fire is no more dangerous to me than water. More wind mana fills the sky, its darker green contrasting with the red firelight in an almost beautiful way. I pull from the fires, moving the wind and air to choke them before the canopy above can collapse and hurt the combatants below. And after so many spectacular spells in a row, the battlefield is silent. No one fights. I can understand why. I take a few steps toward the bard girl who had screamed at me before. I give her my most winning smile. "See? All under control," I grin.

    She shakes her head in exasperation, then looks around her as I offer a hand to help her up. "Where is my flute?" She asks, ignoring the offer of my hand. I look around myself. It is almost surreal how quiet it is. The way the display of magic has calmed the conflict. It''s heartwarming in a way. While we were all in danger, we forgot which king we supported. We simply supported each other.

    "Funny, looking for a flute on the battlefield," I chuckle as she searches desperately.

    "Where is it? Fuck! Where is my-" I open my mouth to stop her from panicking when the world turns red and my mouth is flooded with copper. There is something in my eyes, I don''t understand, what''s in my eyes? Was it water mana? It must be water mana but why does it burn? I rub my face with one sleeve to see the girl spluttering, reaching out for me in desperation with one hand and grasping her flute with the other. Her flute which is now lodged, deep in her throat. She silently coughs. Blood spills over her lip.

    "What''s in my eyes?" I whisper.

 Chapter 38 - The Power to Protect

    "Viola!" another woman screams. The woman with the braids runs past me as the girl in front of me, Viola, uses ice mana to try and close her wounds. What is that taste? "What happened to her? Who did this?" Asks the woman, now cradling Viola''s head as she splutters. I stare at her, then look down at my tunic. What is this, oil? What''s happening? The braided girl, Octavia, looks at me with that same charmed surprise she''d offered earlier. The look makes my stomach churn. It''s wrong. Her friend is hurt. Why is she...

    "DO SOMETHING!" Octavia screams at me. I remain frozen. Something doesn''t make sense. Fuck, what is this oil all over me? Why is it red? Why is it so warm? Viola stops spluttering. Octavia screams again, this time without words. She is forced to abandon her friend as she creates a massive flare of light to blind a group of lesser mages trying to take advantage of our distraction. Collector, what is all over me? A creaking sound followed by a number of explosions resound above me. Branches from my spell have started to fall. No longer protecting people from shrapnel, it has become the danger itself. Large branches, re-ignited by the explosions above, fall onto the onlookers below.

    Red. It''s red. Viola''s body has finally stopped twitching, and her blood is pooling inside her own ice. I try to brush the hot liquid off of me. My hands are red like the woman on the ground in front of me. I can''t think about what it is. I can''t, I can''t. I can''t. I was right there. The most powerful mage here. My protection mana withers as the realization settles on me. Is blood supposed to be this warm? What happened? Who killed her, how did they- Octavia bears down on five mages, pouring all of her rage into heat mana. Paired with her light, she uses it to boil all of them alive on the spot. Their skin pops and boils, filling the air with a sickeningly sweet smell.

    I have to look away, but there is nowhere safe to look. As the enemy mages flee the falling branches, every direction carries the same brutal realities. Bards, my allies, don''t allow them to flee. They all seem to have gone feral, like with Viola''s death the entire reality of the fight changed. Steel chains wrap around one mage, pulling him limb from limb. I swear I can hear the tearing from where I stand. Another bard beats two mages into the ground, ragged and sharp stone clubs colliding with their heads again and again and again and again.

    Nearly twenty enemy mages corner one of my bards and harass him with smaller spells. He could kill any of them, but they are unrelenting. Fire. Steam. Stone. They chip at him, piece by piece, pulverizing him until I can''t tell if he is alive or dead. These scenes repeat no matter where I look. My own spell crashes around me with the sky. I can''t move. I can''t. A charred corpse catches my eye and I can''t look away. I want to look away, but I can''t. Why this one? Why is this the one that I can''t look away from? I force my eyes shut, but I still see it. No matter what I do. Like it''s in the corner of my eye.

    Because... it is. While I chased Kallon. While I saved the bards from the first explosion. While I trapped him in ice. While I chose not to kill him, because part of me was having fun. It was there the entire time. It must have been there from early in the battle. I see Octavia''s face. Her look of ''charmed surprise''. I feel disgust. I almost break free from whatever is holding me in place, just to scream at her. How can she take this so... lightly... And it dawns on me. Is that really what that was? Was I being charming, ignoring a charred body to flirt with a couple of pretty bards? No. She was looking at me with horror. With disgust.

    "Fucking move! We need you out there!" the woman screams at me and I jerk back to the present. My eyes fly open. The blood has begun to dry on my lips. Or are my lips themselves dry? I can''t tell. There are still explosions. Still screams. Are those new? Why couldn''t I hear them before? Have these people really been dying the entire time? "I SAID TO FUCKING MOVE!" the scream comes again, and just in time. She''s right. What am I doing? People are dying and I exist to protect them. Kallon is after the man who taunted him a moment ago. Finally, finally, my body listens to me.

    Kallon is trying to drown the bard who taunted him for his previous loss. I won''t allow it. I send cold mana after the water and wind after Kallon. I try to draw on my protection mana, but it still flickers. Kallon throws up another wall of water to catch the cold and stone to stop the wind. His water freezes perfectly, creating a transparent wall between me and his victim. His first water spell makes it to its target, enveloping him entirely. I cover my fists with heavy blocks of wood and throw myself at the ice wall, closing the distance and hammering it with wind-enhanced blows. Closer now, almost close enough to touch the bard, I see little pockets of pink mana being forced down the man''s throat.

    "Kallon, stop this! You don''t have to-" I stop as a muffled popping sound comes from the other side and I can no longer see through the wall of ice. Thick, chunky liquid runs down the other side. I can''t. I can''t I can''t I can''t. I need help. I can''t do this alone. My protection mana is weaker than ever, and Kallon''s aura is growing. I look desperately around for Grandfather. The two of us against the two of them. I can do that. With him, I can do it. I have always been able to push through with him around.

    I sigh in relief as I spot the battle in the sky, completely forgetting about Kallon. I just need to... Darian is throwing Grandfather around like a ragdoll. Like he''s playing some kind of sick game. His deep red mana forces Grandfather down at breakneck speeds, then shifts so his victim flies directly toward him. Grandfather does his best to escape, jumping rapidly through space whenever he gets a break, but the power gap is just too large. Wherever he goes he finds himself assaulted by that red mana again. Always pushing him toward Darian, or toward the ground.

    He can''t help me. And I can''t fight back alone. I can''t. Kallon doesn''t wait for me to get my bearings, and the earth opens up beneath my feet to trap me as he propels himself with explosions again, aiming for more of my allies. I just... let him. I can''t respond. I''m terrified. I''m a failure. The viscous liquid on the ice wall begins to pool at the bottom. The woman with braids is screaming for some reason. I... I can''t do this. I can''t. Why did I think I would make such a difference? Like my presence would end this whole thing? They are going to die, they are all going to die. Shit... I can''t... But I have to. Because if Grandfather can''t help me, I have to beat Kallon and help him.

    I have to cut at the earth with razor-sharp wind. It''s agonizingly slow, and Kallon has a man''s head between his hands by the time I do. I launch myself forward painfully, no longer caring about anything but stopping him. I almost make it. Almost. Kallon smirks at me as the pink mana forms and the bard''s head is turned into wet mist. My mana falters, I use too much wind on one side, and it''s too sharp. I cut into my own flesh on the side and crash into the ground. Come on Dom. Please. Please please please get it together. How many people have I let die now? How many people has a weaker mage killed, right in front of me? I can''t see that again. I can''t. The world starts to blur together. The pain in my side taunts me.

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    I find myself in front of Kallon again. We are on the other side of the field now, among the nobles of the highest rank. I don''t remember how I got here. I catch another wave of water, this time with wind. Why did I choose wind instead of cold? I step to the side and run into a wall of ice. One of my nobles is half stuck inside, a stone spear pinning his head to it. Did I... did I freeze it while he was inside? Did I trap him for Kallon? I can''t. The wind catches the water, but the flood is bigger than I realized. Does he not have any allies left over here, why would he do this? Instead of the wind catching the water, a whirlpool is created.

    Two mages, absolutely powerful ones, attempt to fight the water pulling them in but Kallon crushes their attempts with pure mana. They are pulled helplessly into the center, where pink mana waits for them. The explosion is muted. Or is there more than one? They seem to go off over and over, until I can no longer tell which mage was which. Bile rises. I can''t.

    I need to stop him. I can''t. I''m stronger than him. I''m too weak. Grandfather, I need your help. But you need mine. I can''t.

    We are surrounded by bards again, and a few dozen of the weaker revolutionaries. How did we get here? Kallon''s back is facing me. Does he not know I am here? I can stop him. I can. I form a spear of wood and create a powerful gust of wind to propel it into Kallon''s back before he can turn. It flies faster and smoother than an arrow, I start to feel like I can do this, until I catch sight of the fight between the army leaders. Darian seems to be holding one of our nobles and laughing, but Grandfather finally has a chance to respond. He is forming two walls of ice around his opponent, and they begin to collapse into each other. But... Darian has a hostage, he wouldn''t- Darian suddenly launches himself upward with his mana, dropping the hostage and leaving him to be crushed.

    Did he just? No. Grandfather wouldn''t. He couldn''t. The man who raised me would never sacrifice a hostage like that. He would never. Not someone who was counting on him. It doesn''t matter if he needs a hit on Darian. He wouldn''t attack if it meant killing the wrong person. He wouldn''t make a sacrifice like that. He wouldn''t. He wouldn''t. ''We remain tools to him'' Darian had said. I hear a spluttering and realize my attack hit. I''d forgotten I''d attacked. Did I actually kill Kal- as I look at the pained sounds the blood drains from my face. The dying man before me isn''t Kallon. It''s another bard. One of my Grandfather''s best. A man named Harper, I think. He has a bugle on his side and fire mana dissipates as the light leaves his eyes. It''s my spear impaling him.

    I can''t. I didn''t. I can''t. I didn''t.

    I look around in desperation. There must be another wood mage here. Someone else. Someone on Kallon''s side. I couldn''t do this. I couldn''t be responsible for this. I can''t be. I find no one. I hardly find anyone fighting at all. I hardly find anyone living. Only a few people remain around us at all. Octavia, bleeding badly from a stump of a leg and sobbing over Viola. A revolutionary mage, crawling through the mud with one hand. Harper buckles to his knees before falling to one side. Kallon is nowhere to be seen. What happened here?

    I look up at the fight again. Grandfather is terrified. He is using space mana on anything he can to distract Darian. Stones. Debris. Bodies. One of the bodies starts to scream as it flies toward Darian, desperately casting to defend itself. I fall to my knees. I can''t. How did this happen? I can''t do it anymore.

    A booming voice echoes across the bloodied field as sound mana floods the area. "You can all run. You can run as fast and as far as you like," Darian announces. "It won''t save you. Neither will ''King'' Godfrey''s little circle. He wasn''t open about that with you, was he? When he offered it? Did you know it killed over a thousand subjects before he got it to work on one? Did you know he needs multiple priests constantly channeling divine magic to keep one alive? No. He told you none of that. I know he told you none of that. You won''t find a cure for your ailments with him, because he is a liar and a coward."

    No. That''s not my grandfather. He didn''t kill anyone for that circle. He didn''t. ''Ask to see the mass graves,'' Darian had said. Then Grandfather killed that man. And thoughtlessly sacrificed the other. I look at Harper next to me. Crumpled over. Clearly dead. By my hand. No. Grandfather is better than me. He''s better than me.

    "No. He can''t put this country back together. This country his own apprentice tore apart. But I can. My own apprentice is taking care of that now. Because you cowards, fleeing from your king on both sides, are not to be appeased. You are to be controlled. You will do as I say, or you will die. You will control your people, or you and your people will die. And I will prove it to you. See, Prince Kallon, my heir, has already left. Thanks to the former Prince Dominic, we have re-established communication with some nearby cities. And what did we discover? Tumult is in open revolt. Well. They were. When Kallon gets there, there will no longer be any such place. The Lord there is a failure. The nobles there are failures. And the people? Well, they are no longer of use to us.

    "So. Go ahead and run. It doesn''t matter. Because soon you will know that you will either fall in line, or you will die. Every city in this country will know that soon. You want your labor? You want your food and your luxuries? Well. Neither you nor your people will ever challenge that again," he finishes. The sound mana dissipates, and my eyes go wide. Where is Kallon? I look around. He''s nowhere to be seen. He''s gone. Only a few stragglers remain on the battlefield. Only four people who can fight are left. Me, Darian, Grandfather, and Ansel. Ansel is our strongest bard, and that is three against one. I need to chase Kallon, but if I do Grandfather will die here. I am torn, but I can''t let Grandfather die. I obviously can never be king. The world needs him.

    I launch myself at Darian with wind. He smirks and flicks his red mana at me, but Grandfather sees me and extends his aura to augment mine. Together, we crush the red mana. I form dozens of wind blades in front of me. Darian raises one eyebrow and a brighter red appears, summoning molten rock directly over me. Grandfather doesn''t allow it, his yellow mana surrounding me and jumping me forward just a bit. Just enough for me and my mana to bite into Darian''s arm, tearing it off. My mana is still unstable. It tears savagely at my opponent, but it hits me too. Three of my fingers on my right hand fall to the ground. Darian punches me into my own wind and I feel an ear being sliced off.

    The yellow mana envelops me again, and I find myself on the ground. "Get Kallon you fool of a boy," Ansel says, startling me. "I''ll help the king. You stop Kallon from doing something irreversible." He''s right. I can''t wait any longer. I look in the direction of Tumult and see bursts of pink in the distance. He is already too far. I nod at him.

    "Keep him alive, please," I beg. He nods in return, and I push through the pain. I have to stop Kallon. I have to stop him no matter what. Once again, I throw myself into the air with powerful wind.

 Chapter 39 - Preventing Downfall

    My head aches. I can still feel the missing fingers. My arm is badly swollen, and the blue, black, and yellow of the bruising leaves it nearly unrecognizable. I hardly notice any of this anymore. The pain has long since given way to a deep, unrelenting exhaustion. Kallon hasn''t stopped. He hasn''t slowed. I don''t know where he finds the energy. For a week he has failed to pause for rest. Failed to falter in the slightest. He hasn''t even looked behind him a single time. Were it not for the pink of his explosion mana shining through the night, I would have assumed he''d collapsed long before now. I am running entirely off of my own mana at this point, as my body has long passed the point of uselessness without it.

    Pursuing Kallon is all I can think about. It''s all I can focus on. It''s all I will allow myself to focus on. Because that battle, no, that butchery I witnessed... the disregard for life. By my enemies. My allies. Grandfather... Had I not emptied my stomach over the road on the first day, I''d vomit again just thinking about it. The flautist bard, what had her name been? Viola? I have to remember her name. I learned it, I owe it to her to remember it. The image of her death was seared into my mind. All of them were. The ones I''d failed to save. The ones I''d killed. The ones Grand- Godfrey killed.

    How could he do that? How could he do that? I can''t think about it. I can''t, I can''t. I can''t. I fucking can''t. Kallon. I have to stop Kallon. So many people need me to stop him. I can''t let him get to Tumult. My arm throbs as the wind pressure caused by my mana refuses to let up. I can''t tell if the filth where my ear used to be is just blood and dirt, or insects and pus. None of it matters. None of it fucking matters. Because if anything else matters right now, I am a pathetic failure. The people of Tumult need more than a failure. They need more than an arrogant prick who watches them die. Who hurts them with incompetence. Who learned everything he knows from a callous coward.

    I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood, just to pull my mind to the present. The pink mana in the distance has finally stopped. My heart begins to sink as I realize Tumult is in view. It''s small, but I can see it. It should have taken at least a month to get there, but at the speed we were going, without rest... And if Kallon has stopped... I have to push even harder. I have to get to him before he can hurt anyone. I have to fucking do something, anything to feel like there is light left in the world. Like I can do anything at all. To get Viola''s eyes out of my head. To erase Godfrey''s... fear. I abandon efforts to prevent wind resistance and plaster myself against my own mana, trying to close the gap. Terrified with every moment I''ll see the signs of a massive spell I''ll be too late to stop.

    One second passes, then two. Three. Four. I refuse to hope. But I also refuse to stop. I have a fever. I am exhausted. I don''t know if I will survive this. But if I can stop this one thing. This single thing before I die, I will be alright. I will have mattered. The explosion fails to come and I almost miss why. As I approach the city walls, I feel Kallon''s Aura below me. He is... standing in the middle of an open field. Waiting. So close to the city. He could have finished by now. But he is waiting. I pause, apprehension overwhelming me. I look around for any traps, but he really is simply standing. Alone in the middle of the field. Just barely too far to attack the city. But I can''t let this opportunity pass. If it''s a trap, well, my spell will fall into it.

    I don''t bother approaching him. Instead, I cast two spells at once. Finally, there is no one he can use against me. No one I can hit on accident. Nowhere to hide any last-minute tricks. I have to stop him here and now, and I can''t hold back. I owe it to... everyone. My wood mana erupts around me, surrounding me in makeshift, but sturdy armor to absorb any upcoming impacts. I can''t let Kallon slow me down. At the same time, I work my wind mana into a furious tempest, swirling the air with enough force to ravage the landscape and tear down stone walls. But that isn''t enough. I need more.

    I mix in the winter-colored cold mana so just touching the wind will bite and freeze and kill. It''s still not enough. I focus on every turn of the tornado around me and I press the mana. I speed it up. I feed it so each gust carries a razor-sharp edge, capable of cutting stone. Finally, I plummet. Directly toward Kallon. It still feels too weak. My protection mana should be empowering this spell even beyond its current destructive power, but it does nothing. Kallon is here to massacre an entire city and it does nothing. Part of me wonders if this is why he stopped, so my mana wouldn''t recognize this as protection.

    But that''s not it. Of course it''s not it. The truth is, I don''t know if I''ll ever use my endoaspect again. I don''t know if I can. I started to lose it when that bard woman died. And more at every failure after. How can I embody protection after watching a massacre I couldn''t prevent? This will have to be enough. I''ll just have to pour every ounce of mana I have into it. Everything I have left. My life if I need to. It feels like my blood is being pulled from my body as I drain the remains of my already weary reserves. My muscles burn and my eyelids try to force themselves closed as the mana keeping me awake is spent on this attack. This is all or nothing.

    Below me Kallon prepares his defense, erecting a spire of earth around him, changing the landscape with a defensive mountain. I can''t see him through my storm, but I still glare as the earth closes over him and spears toward me. It won''t stop me. The only shields he had that could protect him were human, and he left all of them bleeding and weeping over their friends. My wind connects with his stone a breath later and begins to shred. Stone joins the wind, freezing as it does. Light bounces off the icy surface of the earth as it is further pulverized by the blades of wind. Frost begins to gather on my wooden armor, but nothing slows me down.

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    My wind fills more and more with frozen stone until I can no longer see through it. It looks like I am surrounded by shards of stained glass, the light from above changing color as it bounces and reflects across the shards. I can see faces in it. Blood from Viola''s mouth as she splutters. Disregard on Godfrey''s as he kills his own ally for a shot at Darian. The shock on Harper''s as my missed wood spell impales him. I will kill Kallon. I will fucking kill him and then... then perhaps I won''t have to see them anymore. Just as I think this, the first sparks of pink mana appear, too late for me to react.

    As my wind cuts into stone, pink mana erupts to my left. The massive explosion is caught up by the wind, the pink mixing with the different shades of green and blue already present. Shrapnel carried by the wind is blown inward toward me as well, colliding with my armor and slicing into my clothes and skin at the joints. I don''t feel the pain. I don''t care if I''m left as nothing but shredded meat, so long as I live to end Kallon before he can destroy Tumult. Before he can kill even one more person. I keep pressing. More explosions come. My world is nothing but magic and color and death.

    I see the faces. I feel my phantom fingers twitch. I close my eyes and push. My bones feel like they will break under the pressure. I try and focus on the fresh cuts just to keep myself conscious. Pain is all I have to keep me moving and moving is the only way to prevent real pain. My body is an empty well, trying to draw water from long exhausted dirt. I push it further, the wind shreds, the cold freezes the light blinds and the blood pours. Finally, the stone breaks and I can see Kallon''s aura through all of it. I''ve made it. A few more seconds, and he will be dead. Everyone will be safe.

    All of the colors turn to a deep, inescapable red. Pressure like I have never felt descends on me from above and I am pushed at an increased speed. My body is forced through my own dissolving spell, the earth, ice, and wind cutting through my armor and leaving me open and bloodied. The force snaps my head back. I can''t see. I don''t understand what is happening. My mana dissipates entirely, leaving me powerless. My body slows a breath later, just before I collide painfully with the ground. Again. It happened again. I did everything I could and failed. No. I have to get up. Too many people need me to get up. I can''t. I can''t. I can''t even move my arms.

    A foot kicks my side, then wedges itself under my ribs and rolls me over. I see the open sky above, through the tunnel of ruined earth I had passed through to get here. In the center, a one-armed Darian slowly descends on us. Standing next to me is a furious Kallon, sneering down at me. No. No no no no no. I can''t, I can''t fight them both. The red mana pushes on me more as a laughing Darian finally reaches me.

    "Don''t mind me," Darian taunts. "Just here to collect something you owe me." At this, he draws his sword, a weapon few mages of our level bother to carry at all. He swings it down on my right shoulder, cutting deep into my flesh. I try to scream but my voice is too exhausted. I feel the cut into my bone, but he fails to sever the arm entirely. He puts one foot on my shoulder and yanks, tearing at me and flicking sinew from the blade. "Sorry, I don''t use this too often. Give me a few more swings, I''ll get there," he chuckles. And he swings. And pulls. And hacks. Over and over and over. I don''t know how many times until my arm finally matches his. I cough up blood as I try to speak and nothing comes.

    In the meantime, Kallon works at removing one wall of earth, giving me a clear view of Tumult. "Hurts, doesn''t it? But now, there should be no hard feelings," Damian says. "Keep an eye on him, will you?"

    "Happy to," Kallon agrees once he is done with his spell. He then moves and sits next to me as I pant for breath. I am completely numb now. Darian doesn''t linger long, launching himself toward the city with the same deep red mana as before. It is finally quiet. "You did this, you know," Kallon says as Darian disappears. I roll my eyes over to him as I can''t move my neck. "Let me help you with that." I feel the earth rise beneath my head and the view of Tumult grows more clear. "You and your grandfather. With all your scheming. All your ideals. All of your filthy love for your little pets. You did this. And now you get to see what it leads to."

    I want to respond. I want to deny it. I want to deny the part I played to myself. But I can''t say anything at all. I can''t move. I can''t feel. All I can do is watch. Watch as the much more vibrant mana floods the sky above Tumult. As the molten rock begins to rain on the city. I am losing too much blood. I see the fires and the smoke as it lands. Distantly I think I can hear screaming, but it''s too far. I wouldn''t be able to hear it from here. Somehow, I still feel like I can. The pain. The accusations. ''Prince Dominic, why are you letting him do this?'' The city burns and I can''t move. Viola splutters and I can''t move.

    The deep red mana joins its brighter counterpart. It hovers there, for minutes, it feels like. For long enough for the first spell to cause as much pain as possible. It''s not until the entire city burns and the walls can''t be seen past the molten earth flowing over them that it is actually used. When it is, it only takes a second. Tumult stands tall, proud in its death, and then it is flat. Like it had never been there. Something inside me bends, then buckles, and finally shatters. Crushed like the city I came here to save. I feel nothing anymore. Because I can either feel nothing, or I can acknowledge that this failure isn''t one I can ever overcome. I close my eyes, and Kallon scoffs, kicking me in the head before everything goes black.

 Chapter 40 - Give Them Hell

    Annie

    A city. An entire fucking city. One I had just been in a month ago. I spoke to people there. Fed them. Protected them. I fucking hate feeling helpless. Helpless as the world crumbles around me. As it crumbles around everyone. I can''t live like this anymore. The woman I love locked up somewhere in the world, out of reach. I cannot live with the atrocities of the entitled. There is so much I need to do, and I''ve isolated myself from all of it. I feel sick. I feel so fucking sick.

    I''m sick.

    I''m sick.

    I''m sick.

    I don''t remember falling asleep. I remember nothing after reading that letter. The note that failed to contain the misery of thousands of deaths. That simple ink and parchment which carried more grief than I could ever bear. I am supposed to be the spear of that grief. The claws that remind the powerful that they should be afraid too. Instead, I am a dying woman, locked in a fucking tower. These artifacts of Ember''s, they could let me fight again. If I could get to the people I need to fight. The people I need to fight for. I don''t remember falling asleep.

    It''s been nearly a month since I dreamed of anything at all. Sleep has felt far more like death than rest lately. So when I find myself, half-conscious in a dark room, it takes me a moment to realize I am dreaming. I must be dreaming. This isn''t my home. Mine and Sara''s home. It smells of filth and neglect. In front of me is a steel door with a closed flap at the bottom. I''m in a cell. I suppose it''s appropriate, as far as stress dreams go. I am in a cell. People are dying. People''s homes... cities, are becoming mass graves. And I am trapped. How fucking clever of my mind to manifest it this way.

    "Annie, you''re here," a hoarse voice says behind me. I freeze. It''s tired. It can barely be described as a voice at all. But I recognize it in an instant. I feel it. But... I don''t feel the grief it should carry. I can hear it, but I can''t feel it. I can''t feel any mana at all, actually. I feel like I did back on Earth. I turn slowly, fearfully, and find Sarafyna. Chained to a wall. Tired. Sick. I feel sick. Even her scars have a white pallor, and she has lost weight. Too much weight. More than a person should ever lose, and too quickly. Even more than me. And I look... fine. This last bit confuses me as I realize it is true. I look perfectly healthy. I understand this in a way only a dreamer can.

    "You look good this way too," Sara smiles. It''s genuine and it melts me. I have failed her for so long, and she is smiling at me. I can''t hold myself back. I run to her and try to throw my arms around her, to kiss her, to tear those filthy chains off of her wrists. Her eyes carry disappointment long before my arms pass directly through her. "You''re not here, Annie. I''m sorry, this was the best I could do," she apologizes. as I collapse to my knees. I have to fall backward and sit to look at her broken smile again. I blow a curl of hair out of my face in frustration. She is so close.

    "Is this what we are doing now? Dreaming of even greater helplessness? If I want to feel powerless and hurt I can just wake up," I curse. Sara laughs like summer birds.

    "This isn''t a dream, Annie. I''m here. You''re... well you are here a little. I''ve... wanted to see you," she assures. It feels like a dream. But she does feel real at the same time. I feel sick. But as I look into her eyes, her smile, her sorrow and joy as she sees me, I know she is right. This is no dream.

    "H-how?" I ask and she closes her eyes.

    "I don''t know, exactly. Divine Magic... It was described to me as more like reality magic. I don''t know what that means, but I know it connects me to you. I don''t know the rules. I don''t know how it works. But... I know it connects us," she explains. That is... less than a satisfactory answer. But I have other questions that matter more.

    "Are you alright? Are you hurt? What have they been doing to you? Do you know how I can get to you?" I interrogate. She smiles warmly at me.

    "I love you too, Annie. No. I''m not alright. I''m really, really not. But I will be. As soon as you are," she replies, clearly fighting to keep her voice steady. I shake my head at her.

    "What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, "I need to get you out of there! I need to find a way to get to you, to really get to you!"

    She opens her mouth to respond, but hesitates. When she does speak, I suspect she has left something out. "I told you, my magic... it''s connecting us. I don''t know what changed, but I can feel that something has. It''s why I was able to reach out to you tonight. You''ve found another way to fight the cancer, haven''t you?" She guesses. I look down at my right arm in answer. The bracelet and rings have disappeared, replaced with the buttoned sleeve of a white blouse. But I can still feel their effects.

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    "To stop its advance, yes, but not fight it, exactly," I reply. "How did you-"

    "But that''s not all. Something else happened, didn''t it?" She interrupts. My face turns to stone. Not blank and emotionless, but hard, with an edge that cuts. "I thought so. I could... feel it. I''ve never felt anything like that from you before, Annie. It... it scares me." I take a deep breath.

    "I''m sorry. I don''t... I don''t know what''s happening. How I am here, how to get you out, or how to stop..." I trail off. I feel sick.

    "It''s alright," Sara promises. "It''s alright. I can... I can help you now. I''m getting stronger. I can help you. And... apologize to you..." she says. I hold up a hand to touch her cheek, remember I can''t, then just... hover it where it should be.

    "You have nothing to apologize for," I insist. "It''s my fault I haven''t found a way to you. It''s my fault I relied too heavily on you. I should be the one apologizing." She shakes her head.

    "No, not for that. I just... I didn''t realize, until today. Until I felt that... tearing from you. I wanted you to rest, to keep you safe. And I still do. But, we were both wrong. You were being reckless. You were hurting yourself, and me. I was right to be angry about that," she replies and I nod.

    "I know. I know you were. And I have been. Until I can find you, at least. I''ve done everything I can, but I haven''t pushed too hard. But..." I trail and she nods.

    "I know, Annie. I forgot. What it''s like to feel completely trapped. To feel helpless. I fell in love with a woman like fire. A woman who felt such grief from the people around her that she burned it into her soul and turned it into a sword. A woman who found me and pulled me out of hell. I fell in love with you, Annie. And I realize now. While your body needs rest... too much is like another kind of cancer to you. I can feel it, eating at you as surely as your body is. You need to be out there, fighting. It''s who you are. I''m sorry, I didn''t realize that," she says. With each word, I love her more and hate myself for letting her come here.

    "It doesn''t matter," I say. "It''s not your fault. It''s mine. You were doing everything you could, and you ended up here."

    "But I can help now," she whispers. "I can help now, and I want you to know, I understand that you need to fight. I understand why. I''m getting stronger here, Annie. It''s sick, but it is working. And right now, I want to help you so desperately... I can do it. I know I can do it." I feel my heart beating faster inside my chest. She can do something?

    "You can help me get here? To you?" I ask, hope lifting my voice. She shakes her head and my heart sinks into my stomach. Something about that doesn''t make sense, but I don''t have time to think about it.

    "I can but... not yet. There is... an obstacle. The timing isn''t right. But I can get you back to Visenar. I can get you everywhere. I can do that at least," she assures.

    "This is where I need to go Sara! I need you! Once I have you back, we can face the rest together. We can face all of it. Just get me here and I will tear you away from these people. Please..." I beg.

    "I love you, Annie. I''ll keep you alive. Do what you need to do. And give them fucking hell," she says.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    The vibrating of the whisper sphere wakes me up. Everyone is gone. Off to make their own plans, I suspect. Or to make more riot spikes. I don''t know how long it will take to make it to Potestia, but we will want to be ready. Every city needs as many of these as we can put together. I sit up to answer the sphere and pause. The dream was so strange. On impulse, I reach to one wrist to check my pulse. It remains as still as ever. It felt so real. Like I actually got to see Sarafyna. Like I was actually Annie again. Finally, I reach over and will the sphere to connect.

    "What is it?" I ask groggily.

    "Um, this is Lady Lillith, right? Lady Lillith of Endings?" a man''s voice asks.

    "She doesn''t like being called ''Lady'' you idiot," a feminine voice chides before I can answer.

    "But she is a Lady, what else would I call her?" the first voice protests.

    "She''s a lady, sure, but she''s not a Lady, you know? She hates that nobility shit as much as we do!" the second corrects.

    "I mean yeah, but-"

    "This is Lillith. You can call me Lady, Lillith, Lily, or that skinny balding bitch for all I care, but I''m tired. Can you tell me why you called?" I interrupt. The man clears his throat.

    "Um, right. Uh, Lily. So the thing is-" the first voice starts.

    "She didn''t actually mean to call her Lily, asshole," the second voice valiantly interrupts. "Do you think she actually wants to be called a skinny balding bitch?"

    "I literally don''t care. I''m sick, people. Please. Have mercy on me," I beg.

    "You were right, she is funny," the first voice says.

    "Well, are you going to tell her or not?" the second replies.

    "I was but you kept... ugh, never mind. Um, Lady Lillith, it''s the patrol on the Radiant Woods. Clarrise asked a few people to post out here and keep an eye on it, I''m sure you know that. Um, anyway, uh... something is happening," the first finally says. At this, I wake up completely.

    "What, what''s happening? Where?" I immediately prod.

    "Give me that you dork," the second voice says. "Sorry about my brother. The woods are... opening up. I don''t understand how, but a massive path is splitting the tree line in two."

    Adrenaline takes over. ''I can help you now'' Sara had said. ''Give them fucking hell''. "Stay there," I say. "I''m on my way." I immediately pull myself out of bed and start to get dressed. Then I realize I already am. I don''t recall getting in bed. Maybe I passed out. But I never undressed for it. Then I realize I feel even better. I look at the bracelet and rings on my right arm. Ember said this would only stop the progression. But I feel better. Stronger. Alive. I close my eyes and start to examine the cancer internally.

    It''s smaller. Maybe because of the potions. Maybe because of what I have been doing. But... ''I can help you now''. ''Give them fucking hell''. I flex my mana, letting just a little of my aura out. It''s not like Godfrey, but it almost looks like reality bends around my hand. That was no dream. I''m not back at one hundred percent. But I can definitely find this Darian character and put him in the fucking ground.

    Thank you, Sara. Thank you for this. I just wish I could go to you first.

 Chapter 41 - The Ones We Love

    "Are you sure about this?" Autumn asks, nerves clear on her face. "Henry, aren''t you supposed to stop her from taking this kind of risk? Henry shrugs.

    "I''m supposed to stop her from doing stupid shit because of her cancer brain. Not from doing stupid shit because of her Lily brain. This is definitely something she would have pulled when she was maybe, thirteen. Well within the normal Lily margin of error. Not our job to stop it," Henry answers without looking up from the alchemical book he is reading.

    "But... this is insane," Autumn protests and Henry shrugs.

    "Like I said," he agrees. I roll my eyes.

    "I''m gonna make you pay for that later, Henry," I promise before turning to look at Autumn. "He''s right, though. For one, I''m in pretty rapid remission, thanks to my excellent taste in women. For two, this is entirely necessary. I have to know if I can fight inside a riot spike, or the whole plan falls apart."

    "But, isn''t this what gave you the cancer in the first place? What if this test makes it worse again?" Autumn protests. I sigh.

    "I got the cancer from one of Godfrey''s fucking circles, which I can only assume have a similar draining effect, since he has seen the way mana gathers around me. Basically, I got sick because the horny old grump has been watching me way more closely than I thought for the past four years." Henry looks up at me with a baffled look. "Yes, I heard it, I heard it. I mean he was way more aware of my extra-legal activities way earlier than I expected. Not the other thing, I don''t think. Anyway, I am going to be inside a dangerous circle regardless, and we need to know how I''ll respond to it before I am in a fight to the death."

    Autumn looks concerned, but looks down and nods. She actually feels a little spike of grief at this, which is honestly very sweet. Henry on the other hand only feels more and more warm. Just seeing me cope with humor again seems to have done a lot to heal the entire family. Well, except Gil, I guess. His happy ass was in another community, largely unaware of my worsening condition until I started getting better. Done with prep, I take a deep breath, take out a riot spike, and channel mana as I stab it into the ground. Immediately the world dulls, like a color has suddenly been deleted. My access to mana is cut like an axe through rope.

    I feel dizzy, then suddenly mana floods my body again. I can''t channel it, I don''t think, but the sudden fatigue fades and my vision clears. My bracelet and rings glow like metal over fire, although they remain cool against my skin. "Huh," I say.

    "What? Is everything alright?" Henry asks suddenly, his fa?ade of disinterest washing away in an instant. I look up in confusion before remembering how frustrating a lack of information in this type of situation can be.

    "Oh, I''m fine, I''m fine. Just surprised, that''s all," I explain.

    "Why, what happened?" Autumn asks.

    "Nothing bad, sorry. It''s these artifacts Ember gave me. They aren''t just keeping me stable, they seem to be feeding me mana to keep my body balanced. The same mana they have been draining from me to avoid the growth of new tumors," I reply, examining them curiously.

    "Maybe they are supposed to do that?" Henry guesses.

    "It would be a weird detail for Ember to omit," I counter and he shrugs.

    "Maybe it has something to do with your weird circle?" He offers. I examine the glowing artifacts curiously for another moment, then sigh.

    "Well, while it is true that guessing at the side effects of my circle has literally never had negative consequences, I think we''d better ask her," I reply. I flex a little, then jump, just a little higher than the average person could. Not with all the strength I have available, but enough to demonstrate I will maintain at least one advantage while inside a riot spike''s sphere of influence. "Let''s give this another ten minutes or so. See what happens. If nothing, we should be ready to move tomorrow. We got volunteers raring to go, more than ever before. I think it''s high time ''Potestia'' joined the ranks of fallen empires and monarchies."

    It''s been two weeks since the genocide in Tumult. I don''t know what Darian was thinking, but if it had anything to do with ruling through fear, well. He forgot that you have to offer safety with obedience. An animal only runs in fear when it has somewhere to go. But when it is cornered? It will bite. People were desperate. They were trading food to survive. Hiding to avoid slavery. Every single option was taken from them, and he massacred them for living on anyway. He forgot the carrot. So yeah, people are terrified. No one knows if their city will be next. But there is no behavior change they can make to avoid it. All of them. Commoners. Nobles. Priests. He backed everyone into a corner.

    If he was hoping this would pacify people or bring people back to submit to slavery, well. The choices now are to fight back and risk death, or hide in their homes and risk death. I suppose he assumes this will be no problem, since even the newly magical commoner class can''t hope to fight nobility. Not without these riot spikes, in any case. As it stands, I am not the only one ready to march into their homes and raise hell. Especially if someone can distract the heavy hitters while the common folk take their cities back.

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    Godfrey and Darian think I am the head of a revolution? They set up Visenar specifically as a trap for me? They think everything will collapse without me? Fine. I''ll use that. No better way to keep them all in one place than to give them their favorite fake figurehead to chase around their little kingdom. Meanwhile, in every other city, everything they hold dear will burn. And with riot spikes, well. They will be the ones surprised to be without magic. I''d love if I could just talk to Godfrey, but Darian? Darian died two weeks ago.

    Especially now that Sara, that magical, beautiful, sexy fuckin angel managed to reach across the goddamn planet and tear a hole through the literal hell forest to help me get there. And that is exactly what she has done. She connected every community and city with the roads she opened up. She didn''t take the long way around either. It takes maybe five minutes of walking to find a shimmering wall on each path, and a step inside leads to, well. A hub of sorts. A beautiful, charming hub with exits to every other location we could want to go to. People have been sharing resources again faster than we ever had before. Shit, I love that woman. She is so amazing, in the most perfect ways. The things I would do to thank her, if only...

    If only the one exit she didn''t give us wasn''t the Kingdom of Endings. I don''t know what she is waiting for, but it is going to drive me insane. I want to claw my own skin off. Leaving her in that fucking cell makes my blood boil. Whatever reason she has for leaving that exit off, I have to trust her. Makes me want to puke, but I trust her. I will just have to focus all that anxiety on this plan. All this anger on the murderers I can reach. And I have plenty.

    "Lil, you all good?" Henry asks. I come back to the present and nod at him.

    "Yep, this is working perfectly. I think we are good for tomorrow," I reply, pulling the spike out of the ground and letting it deactivate on its own.

    "That''s good to hear. I''m glad you are alright, kid. But, uh... mom was hoping to talk to you, without me around. She just called on the sphere while you were, uh, blushing quietly to yourself," he informs me apologetically. A mild anxiety itches at the back of my neck, but I smile and nod.

    "Sure, you mind cleaning up here?" I request. Autumn and Henry agree, and I leave them to pick up the various glowing stones and notes we were using for the experiment. Things have been a bit awkward with Mom since I told them about my past life. But like I promised her, I still love her. I still consider her my mom. I enjoy the gentle mountain breeze as I walk back to the building my family has moved into. It''s chilly, but I don''t mind. I have been regaining the sickness weight remarkably quickly. I kind of always feel warmer all the time right now.

    My mom is waiting for me in her room. I knock on the open door and she looks up from her tea and book, then adjusts her glasses. "Hey Mom, Henry said you wanted to talk about something. She winces a little but gives me a smile.

    "Thanks for coming so quickly, Annie," she greets, sending a pang through my chest. She has called me ''Annie'' exclusively since finding out about my past. It''s not like when Sara uses the name. For Sara, it''s almost like it was something she always knew, or understood on some level. Like the name fit me better, to her. But she knows I am me. The choice of name is almost intimate on her lips. But when Mom says it... We love each other. She understands I love her and think of her as a mother. And she loves me. We have been through too much together to feel anything else.

    But she calls me Annie. Not because it feels right, but because she is rejecting the idea that I am Lillith. The little girl she chose a name for. She calls me Annie to draw a line. Because we love each other. And she believes that I believe I am Lillith. But that doesn''t mean that she does. She doesn''t look at me like the woman who killed Lillith either. But she looks at me like Lillith died of pneumonia when she was seven. It hurts. But she does still love me. That''s enough for now.

    "No problem," I reply, stepping inside and closing the door behind me. "Is something wrong?" She sighs and folds her hands over each other.

    "I know, you have to do what you are going to do tomorrow. I''m used to the risks you take. And you''ve changed all of our lives for the better. So I get it. You''ll never be able to rest until you''ve done the same for everyone. I understand..." she trails. I cross my arms almost defensively in response to the apprehension in her voice.

    "But?" I ask and she sighs.

    "But my... your brothers," she says. "They aren''t as prepared as you. I want you to ask them to stay behind. I can''t lose them, not again. Please. They won''t listen to me, but if you ask, they''ll stay behind." This request hits me like boiling water. I bite back the immediate response that floods my mouth like poison. It won''t help heal things. It was silly of me to think a cry and a hug together would completely convince her. She likely doesn''t even realize some of the ways she has changed when she speaks to me.

    "I... can''t. They are grown men. And they care. If they want to help, I have to let them help. Or I am asking everyone else to risk something I''m unwilling to," I reply. She looks down, water forming in her eyes.

    "Annie, please. I... I don''t want to lose my children," she whispers. Her words are ice in my gut.

    "Don''t worry. Henry won''t be entering the city. Just providing support. Same for Gil. And Ed, I''ll look after him. I will do whatever I can to keep him safe. I don''t need him for the dangerous part. I''ll send him away from the worst of it when that time comes, alright?" I promise. She bites her lip.

    "Alright," she agrees. "Thank you, Annie."

    Don''t say it Lillith. Come on, hurting people never pays off in the long run. This isn''t going to help anything. Her confusion is understandable. She should believe me. She should trust her daughter. But saying this will only hurt both of us. Don''t say it. "Don''t worry, Mom. I''ll make sure at least all your real kids make it back alive." Goddamnit Lillith.

 Chapter 42 - Suffer No Kings

    While things between my mother and I are smooth like sandpaper, all other preparations are going extremely well. We couldn''t make as many riot spikes as we''d like, but every city should have more than enough to keep people safe from domineering mages. I''d like every person to have multiple, but we don''t have time for that. No, we are moving today. The only thing that could buy Darian a goddamn extra hour on this planet would be a way to get to Sarafyna first. But I don''t have that, so I hope he is enjoying his final breakfast. Well. That''s a lie. I hope it''s full of maggots and pears.

    As I head up the group walking into the path through the Radiant Woods, I can''t help but focus on Sarafyna. I dreamt of her again, last night. Or rather, I visited her. This path I''m walking on is proof enough that these dreams are real, somehow. That alone is more healing than anything she is doing to handle my cancer. In a way, anyway. It was going to be so amazing, sharing a home with her. It''s still going to be, once I get my hands around those fucking stewards'' throats. I want to get her out of there so, so badly. But every night she tells me to wait a little longer. Trusting her is easy. What is not easy is finding something to do with all this violent energy I get when I think about her in a cell.

    What she has done here is amazing beyond words. From a cold, dark room where she has to shit in a corner, she reached across the planet and connected every city in Potestia to me, and anyone else who wants to visit them. She felt my need, our need, and while I failed to help her she tore through reality to make sure I had what I needed. Throughout all this, she is only growing stronger, and keeping my cancer at bay in the meantime. I adore her so fucking much. I owe her everything, and I will force the world to stop mistreating her if it costs me my life.

    I need to focus. Almost four dozen people want to go back to their respective homes and help wrestle them away from the nobles in charge. To take them back and let them know destroying us won''t keep them safe. But not just distracting, but killing Darian and Kallon is necessary to maintain any victories we earn today. I can''t afford to be distracted. I don''t even want to think about the inevitable meeting with Godfrey. It was easier to play at being friends from a distance. But neither of us has had the time to argue with the other for long. I doubt he was involved in this but... it''s never safe to assume anything is too cruel for a man with a crown on his head.

    Even if he wasn''t, I can expect a finger so stubbornly pointed at me I might as well be north. I already know how my actions will be blamed for this atrocity. Well, perhaps not. It''s hard to get a read on Godfrey sometimes. However it goes down, it''s going to be extremely unpleasant. But for now, I will focus on the man I know is responsible for a massacre. These fucking riot spikes better work on him. There are still little patches of the Radiant Woods inside the city that will empower me, and my mana is feeling far more stable, but... It won''t be enough. A battle of magic will almost certainly end in my death. But if I can get Darian and Kallon inside a riot spike, well. Then I can do some percussive maintenance.

    Finally, the group arrives. We stand in front of a shimmering wall. It looks much like the Radiant Woods behind it, the unnatural trees blowing in non-existent wind. But unlike the threatening foliage to either side of us, the air is thick and light reflects at just the wrong angle. It looks almost like a desert mirage. The path to the world of Sarafyna, which will take us anywhere else we need to go. I look behind me, at all the volunteers. People I barely know, Henry''s goofy smile, Edward''s nervous confidence, Autumn''s bit lip. I give them all a massive smile, then back into the portal.

    Immediately I feel the warmth of the new environment. The shift is immediate, just like when I touch a tree from the woods, but the location is entirely different. The constant midday sun remains in the sky, but it shines through a ceiling of glass. In all directions, there are shelves, stools, and racks lining an endless maze of walls around wide passageways. On each of these are hats of every variety I can imagine. Or, well, every variety Sara can imagine. I don''t know how it works. I recognize several from drawings I''ve made for her. I fucking love it here. It is so wonderfully Sarafyna. It still carries grief, saturating the air. But where it fills the Radiant Woods like humidity, here it''s like sunlight. Gentle. Calm. But still relentless.

    I love her. I pick a woman''s tricorn hat with a feather lining along the brim and put it on. I''m coming for you next Sara. I''m coming and I''m pulling you out of there. In the meantime, I''ll carry you with me as far as I can, in whatever way I can.

    In the Radiant Woods, once you enter you enter. There doesn''t seem to be a massive correlation between where you enter and where in the woods you end up. This is different. In the, uh, Radiant Hat shop? I don''t know, I''ll wait for Sara to name it. Anyway, in Hats R'' Us here, however wide and endless the space may appear, everyone shows up from the same spot. Well, everyone from the same place has the same entrance. Kind of like, well, normal places. It''s more magical than that, but groups similar to mine start emerging from different exits. I am not the only one who is angry, and an electricity fills the air as collective fury gathers in one spot.

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    I scan the crowd. The room seems to be opening up somehow as more people arrive. Making space. This room feels like war. I can see it. In every twitch of the hands, every silent glare. These people are ready to fight. I approach the middle of the room while Ed, Henry, and Autumn start to help distribute riot spikes to different wagons and bags. Every eye in the room is on me. All of them are ready. A few faces present surprise me. Even Leo came to help. Leo and Charlotte.

    I almost want to cry seeing them at all. But seeing Leo, out of his room and ready to fight back... Something must have happened with him in all that time. He looks nervous and still presents... differently than when I met him. But he is here, and that is amazing. I''ll have to see if he is finally up to talk to me before we go. But first, I have to try and rally a crowd before we burn the country they grew up in. I am better at putting the fear of, well, not god in people but fuck it. I''ll lean into that.

    "Thank you, everyone, for coming to help," I begin. Then I realize I am still wearing a silly hat, consider taking it off, but simply tip it up to reveal my face instead. Let Sara join me in this. "Everyone knows what happened. Two weeks ago, Tumult was destroyed. People''s home. Family. Children. A massive home turned into a mass grave of ash. To teach us a lesson. Me, you, even the nobles ruling our cities. To teach us to submit. To prove that standing up is too dangerous. That the only safety we can ever expect, ever deserve, is one we beg for at their feet." I spit on the ground, which quickly cleans itself. Oops, sorry Sara.

    "Darian knew this would hurt us. Not just the people still in danger, but all of us here. Everyone across the world who escaped them. He didn''t just want to beat us into submission. He wanted to punish those who left. He wanted to punish every single person who ever told him no. He wanted to crush our will to live our lives without us groveling at his feet. But you know what? Fuck him. Fuck him, fuck Kallon, and fuck all their little friends. They have so much power. So much strength. Enough power that they��ve never felt unsafe. Have any of them ever asked what might hide in the darkness? Why someone might follow them too close at night? What prowls in the tall grass?

    "Of fucking course not. They don''t know the instinctive fear of living in a world of predators. They don''t understand fear at all. They think it��s a lack of satin, or sugar, or women to pour it in their fucking mouths for them when they��re too tired to gorge themselves on our labor with their own hands. Their greatest fear is a cold fucking bath. So easily they crush. So easily they tear. They beat us, they take our homes, and they don''t know fear. They put collars around our necks and brands on our skin, and they don''t know fear. They take our names and our minds, and they still don''t. know. fear. They think if they push just a little harder, threaten us a little more. They think if they massacre our loved ones, and taunt us with their corpses, that we��ll finally bend the knee and beg for forgiveness? That we''ll be too afraid to fight back? They think they can rule us with fear, while they don''t know it themselves?

    "No. No. Fucking no! They want to find out how far fear can get them? How far they can push us? Well. Let''s teach it to them. Throw it through their ornate windows. Burn it into their extravagant gardens. Paint it in the streets. No man with a spear will tell us whether we deserve to eat. No knight will barricade our doors. And no Lord is going to decide on our laws. Absolutely not. We will teach them fear. We will teach them to cower. We��ve long since learned how to be afraid. They spent their lives, your lives, teaching it to you. Well we learned. And every weapon they used to do it? Every tool of power and death and control? We''ll choke them with each and every one. It��s our right.

    "As for the kings? Not just the current kings, but every man, woman, or anything else that tries to put a crown on their head and call themselves our ruler? We''ll show them too. What happens when they put their boots in the wrong place and press too hard. We will suffer no fucking kings."

    The speech doesn''t exactly inspire a cheer, but these people are too angry to cheer. Too sick with grief. And I don''t need a cheer. I need people who are prepared for incredible violence. And this group is. But fear remains behind their eyes. A man speaks from the crowd, cutting the furious, nervous energy. "They are right, though. They are too powerful for us to fight. Few of us know any combat magic. Few of us know any combat at all. Show us these ''riot spikes''!" he demands. There are some murmurs of discontent but I nod.

    "No, you are right. You''re as right to be scared as you are to be angry," I answer, looking through the thick crowd for the speaker. I can''t find him. "I''m sorry, I don''t know who spoke, but uh, the commentator is right. You are all right. So let me show you." At this, I flare my mana. Even in Sara''s space, this is still a part of the Radiant Woods in a way. The grief of the area. The grief of all these people. Sarafyna''s grief. I feel it all flow through me, enhancing my aura. Around my right arm, the mana bends the light almost like Godfreys. But this is the aura of their grief. It can''t hurt them. Instead of oppressing them, each person in the crowd stands just a little taller. Not with pride, but like a weight has been eased.

    "This," I announce, pulling a spike out, "Is a riot spike." I channel mana into it and in a blink, the aura vanishes. "With these, if you can reach them, you can make them bleed."

 Chapter 43 - Trust

    Riot spikes, real weapons, and people willing to use both. Everything we need to offer our help for the fires waiting to burn across the country. Ed, Henry, and Autumn help introduce the resources to their users while I look for Leo. I ache to speak to him again and seeing him out here has lit a little bit of hope inside me. He got lost in the crowd while I was speaking, so it is a bit difficult to pin him down. I begin to grow anxious, looking through the crowd when finally, I spot him speaking to Edward. I move to go greet them both when a hand grabs my arm.

    I turn to find Charlotte, a concerned look on her face. "Do you mind if we speak privately?" She requests. I give one last look to Leo and sigh before turning back to Charlotte and smiling.

    "Happy to, let''s head to one of the endless private corridors here," I agree. She nods, looking back at Leo in apprehension herself before following me.

    "We''ve actually been trying to get in touch with you for a while, but every call ended up at Edward instead. Is everything alright?" She asks. I rub the back of my neck and sigh.

    "Yeah, it''s been tough but I''m trucking. Been feeling sick, so Ed has been fielding most calls for me. You could have just left a message, you know," I offer and she shakes her head. We aren''t quite in private yet so she changes the subject.

    "Yes, you do look a bit... pale. Better than the last time I saw you. Your arm even has a royal aura now, which implies an impressive amount of mana. I''ve never seen it on exclusively one arm, however. How did you manage that?" She asks. I look down at my bracelet and rings.

    "Oh, it''s these artifacts made by, uh... the rude woman from before. Sorry about her by the way. She''s got some cultural hang-ups but she''s working on them. Anyway, they help manage my illness and let me fight effectively in mana dispersal circles. They seem to have an interesting feedback effect with my mana as well, hence the localized aura change," I explain. She looks at the curious jewelry for a moment longer, but her focus is clearly on finding privacy. We take a few turns, confident Sara''s magic won''t let us get lost, and find a fairly secluded area. "Alright, what''s up? Everything alright with Leo? I saw he came today. Any chance he''s ready to talk again?" I ask.

    Charlotte shakes her head. "No, this isn''t about Leo. I mean, it is, but it isn''t about that. He''s doing better, but he didn''t come just to fight. We came to warn you," she explains. I nod. A warning. Not my favorite thing to hear right before something like this, but not entirely unexpected either. Fortunately, I have no heart rate to rise and this environment is very calming for me.

    "I wondered about that. You never seemed too interested in uh, joining us for the grisly bits. Well, I''m glad he''s doing better. What did you want to warn me about? Why couldn''t you have left a message with Ed?" I ask.

    Charlotte''s hands clasp each other and fidget with anxiety. "Well, that''s the problem. Edward is the one we came to warn you about. Lillith, you can''t trust him. He''s turned on you," she finally says. I examine her face for a moment and cross my arms.

    "I... see. Can you elaborate?" I ask. This is really, really, not what I need right now. Or ever, truthfully. But right now especially. But I have to hear her out.

    "It was the last time you visited. Just after you met Ember, and you and Sarafyna started... well, that''s beside the point. After we all separated, Leo''s whisper sphere activated on its own and he overheard a conversation. A call between Edward and another man. Lillith, he''s reporting on you. He told them about Ember the second he had a moment alone. You need to send him back. You can''t go into the city with him, you''ll be killed!" she insists. I blink. Reporting on me? A whisper call being intercepted by the wrong sphere? Whisper spheres don''t work like phones or radios. There is no signal to speak of. They work on the same magic as this endless hat shop. You decide who to call with intent alone. They shouldn''t be intercepting each other unless I am wildly mistaken.

    "What... what makes you believe Ed was the one who called them?" I ask. There is something going on with the whisper spheres that I need to understand. How could Leo have picked this up?

    "Lillith, it was the moment you met Ember. And the very first moment you were separated from Edward, someone called the capital to tell them about your interactions with her. There are not a lot of options left. Please. Do not leave your life in his hands. Leo may not be ready to face you yet, but he still loves you like a sister. If you die because he couldn''t get this to you soon enough, I don''t know what will happen to him. Please. I can''t see him hurt like that again. So don''t trust Edward," she begs. I let a breath out of my nose.

    I think about my brother. His love of impressing me when I was a child. His spiral after my change. The way he smirked at me before Baldwin beat me, and his shame whenever he looked at my scar afterward. The way he is still nervous around Henry, for some past slight neither has shared with me. The hurt when he learned about my life as Annie. Mariah and the child he''ll soon have back home. I sigh and shake my head. "Ed has had a... complicated life. I know that. He has been confused, and hurt, and let his pride control him. He has hurt me in the past. He''s hurt Henry too," I reply. Charlotte seems to relax but I hold a hand up.

    "But... he''s more than what he was as a child. Edward is a good man. More importantly, he is a man who expects to be treated like he did something wrong. Not a man who apologizes and expects his sins to be forgotten. Who grows angry when they are presented to him as a reason to deny him trust. No, he knows what damage he has done and owns it. That''s the first sign of genuine regret. And you know what? I do trust him. I''m sorry, but I do. And I need him. I can''t do this without him," I finish. I mean every word. Even when Ed did get upset... it wasn''t because I didn''t trust him. It was because I told him I did, and still lied to him.

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    I do have mixed feelings about that. But I can understand the sting. Of believing you were granted something that you knew you didn''t deserve. To feel grateful for it. To feel hope because of it. And to find out that, in reality, it was only partially granted. I don''t know if that is entirely fair as a representation of what I did. But I do understand what it must have felt like. And at the end of the day? I do trust him. He is a good man. And maybe one of the most dedicated allies I have. I do appreciate Charlotte''s concern, but I need to trust Ed.

    "You''re making a mistake. Please, Lillith. Don''t do this. I''m sorry we couldn''t tell you before you made this plan. I know, a lot rides on it. But please. We can still go back. Plan something else. Something they don''t already know about, and if we are right, they know what your plan is. It won''t work," Charlotte protests.

    "Well, that''s the good thing about this plan. It will mostly work whether they know about it or not. At least the basics. If they learn about the riot spikes too early, that could cause problems. But not as many as if they know about them now and have time to plan counters. Either way, we have to move now. I''ll warn people to keep an eye out for that. But everyone knows spies are possible already. It''s almost guaranteed with recruitment like this. They are here anyway. But I am certain Edward is not one of them. Delaying because of him could, well, destroy everything," I explain.

    Her face takes on a full-on panic. "You can''t do this. I''m serious. You can''t," she insists. I examine her face. Her worry. For me. For Leo. For everything that Sara and I promised her. I feel a deep, well-worn grief like cliffs carved by centuries of water. And I make a decision.

    <hr>

    Leo

    "Yes, but don''t you think a bow will work better?" I ask in desperation. Edward is growing more irritated with me as I keep flipping back and forth, but I have to give Charlotte a chance to warn Lily. For over a month, every single call reached nowhere but this man. I don''t even know how sick Lily has actually been. For all I know her brother has faked that just to stop anyone from contacting her. I feel like ants are crawling all over my skin. Like everyone around us is staring at me. Hating me. Waiting for a chance to lure me into another alley and punish me for existing as who I am.

    "Man, you just said you didn''t know how to use a bow a few minutes ago. I promise you it is not a good idea without practicing first. Trust me, without practicing, a spear is your best best. Lots of reach, lots of distance, and is easiest to use without experience. Take the spear," Ed assures me. He turns to leave, everyone else having already accepted a weapon, and I start to panic.

    "W-wait, I have more questions!" I insist. He stifles an irritated sigh and smiles at me.

    "I understand. I''m scared too," he says. "It''s a terrifying thing to do. It was brave just to come this far. With what you''ve been through... with what you''ve been through no one will blame you for going back home. But I don''t think you want to do that. I think you want to fight back. Lily... Lily has a lot of empathy. But she doesn''t always understand the rest of us. How hard it is to face danger like this. She''s been some kind of demon of death since she was... well for as long as I can remember. There is a whole mythos around her back in Potestia. You know some people think she can''t enter a home without being invited in? She''s like a storybook monster.

    "But we aren''t. And when you don''t have that in your pocket... well this is scary as hell. The fear of dying. The fear of killing. I am terrified of both. I shudder at the thought of both. But we have our own reasons to fight back. I want redemption. You want... I don''t know what you want, I''m sorry. But I can see it. The same look I have. You want to fight back with your own hands, just like I do. So take the spear. Grab one for Charlotte, she''ll be limited by the spikes too. And fight. Not for Lily. For Leo. And please, let me go. I have to do something else for Lily, and I am running out of time."

    I look at him in shock for a moment. I begin to doubt Charlotte''s theory. That was... well an attempt at being kind, even while he was annoyed with me. I think I actually like him a little. I don''t want him to be the traitor. Just that and I think it will hurt a little if he is. Because he''s right. I do get it. Part of me wants to say a small prayer to no one in particular. Don''t let him be the traitor. He takes my silence as leave to go, and he is already walking away when I come back to myself. And he is heading deeper into the maze of hats, shit. I hurry up to follow him. As quietly as I can.

    He makes nonsense turns. Is he heading to Lily? Is he going to catch Charlotte? Is he going to hear? One moment of empathy aside, he is still the most likely candidate. I follow him around one turn, then another, and another. I have no idea where I am going. But I keep him in sight, until he finally stops, sitting on a bench behind a free-standing shelf of hats. I crouch around the other side as I hear him shuffling around. My heart sinks as I hear him speaking into a whisper sphere.

    "Yes, Dad," he mutters. "Yes, she will be with me. I''ll make sure she is there. Kallon and Darian just need to wait." Fuck. How could he say all that and then do this? How could he hurt Lily like this? Does he hate her so much?

    "Make sure to find an excuse to separate from her before then," a man''s voice responds. His father I have to assume. Lily hasn''t spoken about him much but I get the feeling they aren''t on good terms. This more or less confirms it. "And be certain you have all of these ''riot spikes''. We don''t want to risk her having anything to fall back on when she gets there. Where are you familiar with in the capital? I''ll meet you there."

    "Near the circle I broke," Ed responds. "In the abandoned building. I''ll meet you there with the spikes," he promises.

    "Thank you, son. You''re doing the right thing. I''m proud of you," the other voice says.

    "Dad..." Edward replies but the connection ends there. "I love you," he finishes anyway. Shit. This is bad. Lily is walking into a trap. I have to get to her. I creep away as quietly as I can, only to freeze as Ed passes me. If he knows I heard him... I hold my hand over my mouth to cover my breathing. He walks slowly, and sweat drips down my head. But he passes, and I am able to breathe. I try to follow him back, but while I was hiding, he managed to vanish somehow. I panic thinking of finding my way back to the center, but after only a few turns I find myself exactly where I am headed. Definitely fewer turns than I had taken to get where I was.

    The only problem? People are already filing out their respective portals. Wagons have already moved out and only a few people remain. "Where have you been?" Charlotte asks, putting her hand on my shoulder. "We are the last group to head out. Is everything alright?"

    "No. No everything is not alright. Please tell me you managed to warn Lily," I plead.

 Chapter 44 - Family Drama

    "Badass speech back there Lil, did you practice it in front of the mirror this morning?" Henry teases as we walk past the unsettling trees of the Radiant Woods. I look back with a wry smile. It''s a universal fact that anything you say with complete sincerity will look at least a little silly to any siblings who love you.

    "No need," I quip, "I just adapted my old ''Suffer No Brothers'' speech. Just had to drop some of the more violent, hurtful bits to be fair to the genocidal nobles. But the rest transferred pretty well." Ed and Henry snort at this but Autumn looks at me with concern.

    "You all know we are walking toward a fight with the most dangerous people in the country, right?" She asks.

    "Yeah, we know," I reply. "But hey, I''m Lillith of Endings. The Mage of Mourning. The demon queen of children''s nightmares. The original vampire. The death that lurks in noble halls. And Ed is... well he''s scrappy too." Henry laughs out loud and Ed rolls his eyes.

    "Lillith, you don''t even like half those titles," Ed complains and I waggle one finger back and forth.

    "No no, I don''t like those titles being used as a vector of authority. I loooove rubbing them in my brother''s faces as an explanation for why I was always dad''s favorite," I challenge. Both Henry and Ed chortle at this. Autumn looks between us and I laugh. "Oh come on, if August were here, you''d do the exact same thing. Brothers are to be kept in check, especially in serious situations." She gives me a half smile.

    "I suppose so," she agrees. "Still..." she pauses as we exit the path into a curiously dark cave. The cave Sara lived in for some time. We finally emerge to see the walls of Visenar and that''s not all. A wall of ice, surpassing them in height, stands in the distance. I can practically taste the blood in the air. Her point is taken.

    "This is just how we handle stress, Flower," Henry assures her. "We are taking this seriously." She nods hesitantly.

    "Alright, I get it. I''m just... scared," she replies. "I don''t want to lose anyone."

    "I can understand that. They''ll be careful though. You can trust these two," Henry assures.

    "And even if you can''t well, you two will be here to get us home, and we trust you," I add. She nods her head slightly but seems unconvinced. We walk in silence for a while after that, until I turn around and look at Henry again. "Flower? Really?" I ask. Henry sighs and rubs the back of his neck while Autumn blushes and Ed laughs.

    "Oh shut up demon queen Lillith," Henry retorts, "Sorry if autumn flowers don''t strike fear into children''s hearts. Not all of us hide under beds to grab ankles as they pass by."

    "Fucking hate that title," I grumble. The air is cold as we make our way to the city. Likely on account of the giant iceberg just... chilling in the southern fields. It certainly doesn''t help with the goosebumps when we reach the hidden entrance to our tunnel.

    "Be careful in there, both of you," Autumn says.

    "Seriously. If you need anything at all, let us know. We''ll come help. It''s dangerous for you in there. More than us, in a lot of ways," Henry adds. "You too, Edward. I know we''ve had something of a... rocky past. But I love both of you. Come back safe."

    "We''ll do everything we can, Henry," I promise. "And when we are done, everyone will be more safe. Everyone. I love you too," I respond. Ed looks down.

    "I failed you, in the past," Ed agrees. "I''m so sorry. And I won''t do it again, I promise. I love you too, Henry."

    "And let''s not forget everyone''s second favorite twin!" I joke. "Keep my brother out of trouble while I''m gone."

    "I promise," Autumn agrees. After a round of nervous hugs with three pounding hearts and one still, Ed and I enter the city. Autumn and Henry have brought various medical supplies and will come in to help if something goes wrong and it looks like civilians need help evacuating the area. Ed and I are the front liners. We are quiet by necessity as we sneak into the city. We are surprised to find the streets more active than the last time we visited. Still not bustling, but there are a few people out and about. One of the kings must have decisively won in the last exchange. That could be troublesome, if a magic fight breaks out. Thankfully, it is late at night and people haven''t entirely returned to normal life yet.

    As part of the plan, Ed and I have to split up right away. We wordlessly nod to each other as he hurries into the dark. I count slowly to ten and take a deep breath. Then, I follow him. Far enough back, with sound and light mana masking my presence where I can. I have to avoid the irritating ''anti-Lillith'' circles, which are apparently horizontal and not vertical in many areas. But I manage to keep myself hidden until Ed quietly enters an old, abandoned building. My mana seems to work in the area, so I lift myself with force mana to enter the second-story window.

    The stairs leading to this floor have rotted away, and I don''t suspect the floor is much safer, so I keep my footing in the window and look down. Edward is meeting with a man I haven''t seen in a long time. Well, not exactly, anyway. Richard. My father. A bard now, apparently. If not a terribly talented one. My uniquely invisible mana allows me to replicate the sound waves below near my ear without drawing attention to myself. At the same time, I lower my goggles and use the X-ray enchantment to examine the area for anyone else nearby.

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    "Edward, it''s good to see you," Richard says. "Do you have the riot spikes?" Ed nods, pulling the bag off his shoulder and tossing them to him.

    "Just like you asked," Ed answers. "They''re not going to hurt her, right?"

    "I''m sorry Edward," Richard answers, "I know this is hard. I know you love your family, and it''s not easy to do something that you know will hurt them. But you are doing the right thing, son. You''re doing the right thing, I promise."

    "I... know. I hate it, but I know. But if there is a chance that no one has to get hurt... please tell me you aren''t planning to hurt her," Ed asks again.

    "I love her too, Ed. But you''ve seen what she''s done. What she and her friends have done to this country. The same thing she did to our family. Tore it apart. Hurt the people involved. You have to understand, we can''t move forward while she... you''re a good man son. I''m sure you understand," Richard insists.

    Ed sighs. "I do understand. I do. It hurts, so, so much. But I understand completely. Now even more than I did a moment ago. I''m sorry, Dad. I do love you," he apologizes. And that''s my cue. I''m now certain none of my father''s allies are nearby at the moment. They are still waiting for me near the palace, where Ed told them I was heading. This will work. I jump down, landing in the middle of the room, startling my father.

    "Hello, Dick Endings," I greet. "So sweet of you to plan my death like that. I guess I understand. You didn''t get the role you were hoping for in my wedding, I do suppose my funeral is the next best thing." He looks between me and Ed a few times.

    "Ed what... hurry, we need to fight her together, she-" he starts, grabbing Ed by the shoulder but Ed pushes him off and summons his own wind mana to push himself away.

    "No, Dad. You and I are not going to fight her together. That''s not what I came here for. I''m sorry. But it''s like you said... you have to understand," Ed apologizes. And the penny drops. I see the moment the realization hits and my father''s face hardens.

    "So you are like your younger brother. Brainwashed. Whipped. A servant of your own kid sister, is that right? After what she did to this family? She managed to twist your mind like the rest of them. To lie to you. To turn you against me," He accuses, straightening up and attempting to project an air of confidence.

    "No, Dad. Lily didn''t turn me against you. You did. I can''t close my eyes without picturing the glee on your face when she came back, bloody and bruised. The satisfaction when she was taken to be beaten. It all made me feel so... ugly. Sick. And even now, you tried the old familiar tactics. The old compliments. Offering your pride in me like poison. It was always a lie. The only way to really earn your pride is to be like you. And... I don''t want to be like you, Dad. But I was hoping you weren''t trying to kill Lily. It was the last hope I had," Ed responds. Richard scoffs.

    "So. That''s what this entire thing was, Lillith. You left me hiding. Running from my own flesh and blood for years. Always looking over my shoulder, wondering when I''d be found and killed for putting a roof over my daughter''s head and expecting respect in return? For helping elevate this family to a position of authority? For finding a powerful noble house for you to thrive in? For trying to protect you the first time you assaulted a noble? You turn my last son against me and lure me into a trap, destroying so many lives along the way? Were the years in hiding not enough? The loss of my other children, of my wife?" Richard lectures. He says so many absurd things in a row my head almost spins like a loose screw.

    He certainly has an interesting version of events bouncing around in his head. Neither Ed nor I missed the way he immediately dismissed his son when he realized the manipulation was failing, either. I want to explain each and every detail to him, but when someone is so convinced of so many silly things, there is little you can do to convince them anything else is the truth. So I focus on the one idea that seems to most support the others. "You think this is about you? Seriously? You think I have been scouring the country for you? Looking for my revenge? I guess I did say I''d kill you after you tried to hurt Mom. But seriously?" I can''t help but laugh.

    "Dad. Richard. Dick. You didn''t have to hide from me. You didn''t have to look over your shoulder and hide your face. You didn''t have to do anything at all. You are a man remembered only by your petty cruelties. I don''t know how to tell you this, but there are far greater cruelties in this world. I wasn''t looking for you. I forgot about you. You''ve been playing chess against yourself. Looking for enemies in every dark corner when you should have been looking for someone to give a single shit," I correct.

    He looks like I slapped him across the face, and his face is overtaken by red. "Then what are you doing here? As usual, your words and actions aren''t lining up. These greater cruelties of yours are waiting to be fought. But here you are, slinging mud at your father. Explain that," he sneers. I look at Ed but he has nothing to say. He''s already said all he can.

    "Same thing Ed was doing telling you about this visit in the first place. Same reason he told you about the riot spikes, my allies, and Ember''s people. I know he''s not the only spy anyone got through. But I needed him to be the most reliable. The closest to me. He told you anything a lot of people would know. And most importantly, he told you I was coming here today. For your master''s sake. To ensure they would be here to kill me. And now that you have helped with that, you are going to help bring them outside the city, where I can fight them without anyone else getting hurt," I explain. Ed is staring at me in confusion, while Richard glares at me.

    "And why would I do that?" Richard challenges.

    "Because you are a coward," I answer offhandedly as I look toward Ed who is still confused about something. I send sparks of electricity across my arm to emphasize the threat. "Remember the years looking over your shoulder while no one was chasing you?" He practically snarls at that, but I already have force mana covering the exits. "What''s wrong Ed?" I ask. I mean, I know he just turned on his father, who he admired his whole life. But confusion isn''t the emotion I would expect. At least, not this type of confusion.

    "Nothing I just, I never told them about Ember''s culture. I figured anyone who told them about her wouldn''t know that much. Thought it was odd that you listed it, that''s all," he replies. Well, that makes sense I suppose. He''s right, he was only supposed to share the minimum, and it''s not like Ember was running around posting a history of her country and military. But... Didn''t Leo overhear a call somehow right after I met Ember? If that wasn''t Ed then...

    Before I can follow that thought to its conclusion, two things happen. My whisper sphere goes off, and an oppressive mana collapses on us, forcing all three of us to the ground.

 Chapter 45 - Betrayal

    Leo

    I actually feel... something close to comfortable. Not what I used to feel around Charlotte and Lily but... something not entirely different. My hair is too long and well, a lot of things are wrong. But I am dressed half comfortably in public for the first time in a long time. A little like Lillith actually. And no one has even glanced at me twice as we walk down the empty path through the Radiant Woods. No sneers. No comments under their breath. Everyone has bigger things to hate than my clothes. I am marching toward a city with a spear on my back, ready to fight for my life and those around me, and I am the most comfortable I have been for a long time.

    Because I am the one going. Leo. Someone like him, anyway. Closer than anyone here but Charlotte has met. And as far as everyone with me is concerned, that''s all there is to it. Maybe they are all too focused. Maybe they are all too afraid. Maybe Charlotte has been out in public so much they''ve gotten used to the idea. Or maybe the church has been disposing of and hiding our existence for so long that they just never had a chance to learn they were supposed to hate us. Probably all of the above. But the result is this. I am almost happy. I might even remove my makeup before we make it, finally let my face touch the open air again.

    It doesn''t hurt that a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. For weeks I have been in a near panic about Lily and her brother, for no reason. He''s been part of a trap the entire time. So when they were ready, they could lure the royal mages away from the city. Or so Lily finally explained to Charlotte today. If Charlotte hadn''t been close to announcing the danger to the room and fighting to stop this entire plan, Lily probably wouldn''t have said a word even then. I can''t blame her, exactly. It did keep Ed safe, and it''s the reason this plan isn''t, frankly, insane. If I hadn''t been so worried about Edward I would have been worried about this instead.

    They may want Lily dead, sure, but they don''t care who else gets hurt, and there was no way to guarantee all of them would be in the capital when she showed up. No way to get them all in the same place. Unless, of course, they had someone on the inside. Or, as Lily was apparently planning, trap someone on the inside and use them to draw the royals out. It''s how she knew it was a safe time to attack, and it''s how she''s going to fight them without anyone else getting hurt. Not a terribly complex plan, but effective. Considering the certainty of other spies with our recruiting method, it was the best they could do. Give them the information anyway, from someone actually close to Lily. It makes me feel more confident. Charlotte is clearly still worried. She still seemed to want to get everyone to just turn around. But it''s a high-stress situation, and I have confidence in Lily.

    Two horrible walls of horror line our path. Fire and violence lie at the end. And I feel... light. I''ve left my room in more ways than one. But... something still bugs me. Some instinctive fear I''ve cultivated from years of needing to fear every time I need to buy groceries or go to the bathroom. Like standing on a precipice with only loose pebbles to secure my footing. The fear of heights where the heights follow you to the ground, offended you ever dared to climb to them in the first place. I give another cursory glance to the group around me. Still, no one watches me. No one smirks. No one does anything but march forward, carried by rage.

    Perhaps it''s the lie I still carry. The lie that offers me external safety while inviting the most dangerous thoughts, late at night. I decide I need to wipe the make-up off. If it''s safe now, it will be safe without it. I try to convince myself of this, repeating it to myself again and again. If the threat isn''t external, perhaps it''s internal. I look toward the front. Charlotte is outpacing all of us by a significant distance. Two hundred paces maybe? I tried to keep up with her at first, but she told me she wanted to fight off anyone who might attack us before they could reach anyone else. It makes sense, so I have been hanging back. But she''ll have a handkerchief I can use.

    She won''t mind if I catch up briefly. I feel lighter with each step, as I feel safer presenting myself. Maybe I''ll ask her to help cut my hair on the road too. It won''t look nice but... it will feel like breathing. Still, that sense of danger lingers. That anxiety like you get just before begging for food or money. Just before meeting someone powerful you know will hate you. That pounding in my heart which makes me want to find somewhere to flee. To back out. But I don''t know what I need to back out of. Maybe I am just scared of making it to our destination. I''ve never fought before. Not effectively, anyway. And not when I had anyone on my side.

    But that doesn''t feel right. If anything, the idea of having people fighting by my side, fighting back and standing a chance of winning... it only makes me feel more free. It''s something else. Something failing to line up, like clothes that are too small. What is it? Why did Ed wait until Lillith wasn''t around to report about Ember? I know he was who I heard now. I know Lily knew it too. I get a little closer to Charlotte but slow down. Well, they certainly wouldn''t want to do it in front of Ember. That''s probably why they split up in the first place. So Lily could watch Ember while Ed reported. Yeah, that makes sense.

    I pick up my pace again. It still wasn''t following. What was the rush? If they didn''t want Ember to hear their plan, they could have just waited for privacy. Wouldn''t Lily have preferred to screen the information shared first? Yeah, they went ahead and shared things they would rather keep secret, but that was because some things were going to leak anyway, like a giant furry woman with a tail wandering around. But Details of Ember''s country? Her allies? Surely Lily would have preferred these details remain private? Why wait for the first moment he was alone and immediately tell his contact everything? It didn''t make sense.

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    I pick up my pace, beginning to jog to catch up to Charlotte. This was it. Ed was playing both sides. He is a traitor, he must have been using the plan as cover so he''d have an excuse if he was caught. It has to be him, Charlotte is right. Only a few of us had that information. Ed and I were the only men there, and It was a man''s voice I heard. I have to warn... My heartbeat speeds up. A possibility I refuse to acknowledge presents itself. I take a few more steps. I pause. Was it a man''s voice? Or was it just a deep voice? I know better than anyone that the sound of your voice doesn''t make you a man or a woman. I take a few more steps, more slowly this time.

    It''s hard to mask your voice when you speak in a whisper. Why would my whisper sphere pick up Ed''s conversation anyway? It doesn''t make any sense. A sphere calls who you want to call. Why would Ed want me to hear that? The only reason my sphere should have picked it up was if the caller wanted me to hear what they were saying. Or maybe... maybe if just some small part of them wanted me to. No. There was no chance. Why would she? She loves me. She relies on Lillith. There is absolutely no reason Charlotte would turn on us. I''m being silly. I need to stop letting the upcoming fight get in my head. I can trust no one like I trust Charlotte. Not even Lily.

    But... what if she did? Lily told her... everything. But why would she tell me all of that? Well, I would have followed Lily if she didn''t. And Charlotte does love me. Why else would even a small part of her have wanted me to catch her? It''s that last thought when I realize it. I believe it. I don''t know why, but somewhere, I do. I think Charlotte is the one who called them. And Lily told her the plan. All of it. She is so far ahead. To protect us? From whom? This road didn''t exist two weeks ago. Any danger that can reach us can come from the woods beside us as easily as in front of us. No. No no no no.

    My heart tries to beat out of my chest. Water runs down my cheeks, and I begin to walk heel to toe. Quitely. Suppressing my mana. Please. I have to be wrong. It is agony, trying to close the distance this way. Charlotte seems to be hunched over as I get closer. Snot begins to run out of my nose. My heart is beating too fast, my head is starting to pound. No. No no. I get close enough to hear whispering. This can''t be happening. Why? Why would she? Why? I finally get close enough to make out words.

    "Thank you, Charles. You have saved King Godfrey a great deal of trouble today," A smooth voice says.

    No. Why?

    "It''s Charlotte. You know that, Ansel. And he''ll keep up his end of the deal?" She responds in a whisper I recognize all too well.

    "No," I say out loud before I can stop myself. Charlotte whirls on me with a look of horror on her face.

    "Wait, Leo," she says reaching out for me with one hand.

    "W-why?" I plead. Her frown jerks briefly into a hard frown, like one might have while fighting off a sob.

    "It''s not what it sounds like. It''s for you. And Lillith. I''m trying to keep everyone safe, Leo, please," she begs. I reach to my side, looking for my whisper sphere. I have to warn Lily. "It''s... it''s not there. Please, hear me out," Charlotte says again. I turn on my heel and run back to the group behind us. I feel her begin to chase, her aura releasing and nearly knocking me off my feet. She won''t hurt me, but I run like my life depends on it anyway. I feel pure mana trying to stop me, but if she restrains me too directly, they will notice something is off.

    I have one chance. I throw all of my mana into a sound spell just to amplify my voice. "Warn Lillith! She''s running into a trap!" I scream into the spell, and the third plane descends upon us.

    "Leo, don''t do this. Don''t you trust me? No one is going to get hurt! Godfrey isn''t going to harm anyone! He''s offering clemency!" She insists. What is she talking about? Her mana finally catches up to me and forces me to the ground, knocking the air out of me. "Listen. You will never be safe in Lillith''s world. I like her too, but surely you must see that. We will never, ever be safe and accepted. The best we can hope for is the strength to protect ourselves. You will never be able to leave your room again. Even if we both change completely, there will always be someone who remembers, and someone who hates us for it. We will never be people to anyone. But we can protect ourselves, in the right world. Please, Leo! Listen!"

    No. No, I can''t accept that. I understand what she is saying, but she is wrong. I need to tell her she is wrong. I understand it now. But again, I am forced into the dirt. Forced to submit. Forced to comply by someone stronger than me. Charlotte... this won''t make us safe. It already failed me! I struggle to move as Charlotte hovers over me, pleading, begging me to understand. I don''t even know if she is speaking to me or herself. And she is forcing me into the ground again. Again. Not again. I have to fight back!

    Just when something in me is about to break, like wood under too much pressure, her mana disappears, all of the pressure with it. As the force releases, my struggling throws me too hard in the air for a moment, leaving my head to crack against the ground as I land. Everything spins. Physically and mentally, my world turns upside down. Reality is wrong. It''s wrong. When I finally get my bearings and pull myself to my feet, Charlotte is wrestling the others.

    "Stop her!" a man yells.

    "Tie him up," another demands.

    "Get the sphere back!" a woman cries. I look around and spot a riot spike in the ground. Sure enough, my mana is gone. At least four people are wrestling Charlotte, who is looking pleadingly at me, make-up running down her cheeks. Her hand is reaching out between her assailants, still begging me to understand. I step forward, reaching back. I still love her.

    "Don''t hurt her," I beg. They continue to wrestle. Has anyone warned Lily? Or did Charlotte somehow take everyone''s sphere from them? I step forward, grabbing Charlotte''s hand, only to get jerked forward. There are too many people trying to restrain her at once, we are moving too far. The road isn''t wide enough for this.

    "I got it," Someone yells, and I see the woman next to me grasping a whisper sphere. Of course, they have to warn Lillith. I hold Charlotte''s hand tight. She didn''t want to hurt anyone. I believe that much. "Shit, I dropped it, stop that," the woman curses as the sphere falls to the ground. It rolls away and the woman dives for it alongside another man. I move into the empty gap to hold Charlotte closer. I need her to understand. Her more than anyone. I need her to understand. The woman picks up the sphere and immediately tries to call someone.

    Charlotte lunges to stop her, while I and the one man still trying to restrain her lunge after her. We all collapse into the woman, and into the Radiant Woods.

 Interlude - Grey

    Charlotte''s Journal

    My adult life has been dull, and grey. A shadow of the loss in my past. I didn''t try to attend court anymore. I''d already been given an answer to everything that mattered to me. That answer being, I was lucky to be alive. I was lucky to be safe. I was lucky not to be beaten. I was lucky not to always be treated the way they treat women. It was no answer, really. It was a threat. Because with less mana to support them, I wouldn''t be worth the food I ate to them. I aspected earth, water, and air. The aspects needed to keep our city clean. The aspects of service. Of value. Aspects that would justify my existence to the other nobles of my station. My father would have turned in his grave had he seen the fall of our house.

    Until I met two men. The first was a young boy with eyes like mine. Abandoned like I was. Desperate like I am. A boy that needed my help. He brought color back with him. And hope. I wouldn''t repeat my mistakes. Not with him. I didn''t have Amelia, but I hadn''t forgotten our childhood dream. Children that could bask in the sunlight. I would do whatever I could to be that sunlight for him. To be that safety. And to keep him safe from the world that hated him. With him, I chose a new name. One that felt right, but was close enough to my old to feel safe. Close enough to be denied if the wrong person heard it whispered down the wrong hall. I would be Charlotte, and he would be Leo. And I would love him like a son.

    The other was Duke Godfrey. A man often taken lightly himself, but with position and power that even surpassed mine. And he offered me his hand. His help. His authority. He wasn''t the king, but he was too powerful to ignore. Too strong to balk at. With a word from him, the Renatus name carried weight again. With a word from him, lesser nobles were too afraid to hurt me or my son. I still wasn''t respected. Not really. I knew I was hated. I knew neither of us was really safe. But we were both more safe than I had ever been before. We had a chance at a life.

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    My heart stopped when Leo asked to go to school. When he asked to prove our value. But I understood. And I could protect him, since meeting Godfrey. So I agreed. I bought him clothes he would love. Paid for an inn he could sleep at when they insisted on the wrong dorm for him. I put all my hopes for the future in him. I wouldn''t let him live through my mistakes.

    My heart stopped again when Godfrey asked for my help making him king. But I had tried fighting without him. And I knew Leo would die. Even if he was only a Duke, he was an older one. And with the king we had... Leo would still die eventually. With Godfrey as king... I finally had a chance at real change. I would finally have a voice at the top that listened to me. I could finally exist without begging for permission, or losing a fight to win the right. So I agreed to that too. He was a good man. He didn''t understand me, but he understood that he didn''t need to understand. And he could offer Leo a real future.

    And finally, Leo and Godfrey both approached me, at separate times, asking for help with the same girl. A girl with a fire in her blood. Leo said she could heal our bodies. Make our skin fit. Godfrey said she would get my son killed. My son and so many others. Godfrey could offer us a future. And I had seen what Lily could offer, and where it led. I decided to gamble on the man who offered a future. I chose to keep my son alive. I would not repeat my mistakes again. I would not let the world turn grey.

 Chapter 46 - Crippling Defeat

    Lillith

    Deep red mana forces me to the ground like the planet itself has suddenly grown more attached to me. I flare my own aura to counteract it with force, but my mana cracks and shatters under the power of my opponents. The spell is entirely undiscerning, pushing me, Edward, and Richard down all at once. I have to rely on my actual physical prowess to move at all. As I am barely able to lift my head, just enough to turn my eyes to the sky, I see two men descend on all of us, both elevated by the same red mana that assaulted us a moment ago.

    At first, they are black spots in the night, barely visible as more than a blur. But as they grow closer, two things jump out to me. The larger man is missing his right arm and the smaller man is familiar. I forget his name, or if he even gave it to me. But the last time I saw him, I was striking him with lightning. I thought he was dead. The apparently living bard lands first, violently pulling Ed''s bag from him before patting him down and pulling his spare riot spike from his jacket. The burnt red mana seems to flow around him and shift directions as he needs it to, but it comes from the larger man. I have three guesses who that is, and they are all Darian.

    The mage restraining all of us smiles at me as he finally lands, the mana around him rippling like water as it flows out of his way. He releases his mana around Richard, allowing him to stand. The bard moves on to me, using a knife to cut my pack off my hip. As he continues his search, I make furious eye contact with Darian, ignoring my father''s glare behind him. I wince as I feel my own spare riot spike pulled out of my boot. Darian doesn''t look away from me as he issues a command to his subordinates.

    "Bring those back to the palace," he orders. "Both of you."

    "Your Majesty, please. I''d like to share a few words with my children, before we go," Richard requests.

    "You''ll have the opportunity to meet them on the third plane if you hesitate to follow my commands," Darian growls. Richard grimaces, then offers a half bow. The quiet bard, satisfied he has found all the riot spikes, joins Richard and directs him to the door. I get one last glare from my would-be father before they depart. They can''t fly like Darian can, that''s good. I can work with that. I don''t see Kallon anywhere.

    "Ed," I groan as the pressure tries to prevent any movement at all. "When you get that chance, follow them. Get them back, before they reach the palace. Before they find... Kallon. I''ll... keep this one busy!" Each word grows hard as the pressure increases on my body. Ed doesn''t respond at all, lacking the physical strength to do much more than survive. It''s like my force mana but more... directed. More, I''m not sure, universal. Like this spell is reality itself. Darian raises an eyebrow as he looks down at me.

    "The Mage of Mourning indeed," he muses. "I''ve never seen anyone move like this while under my gravity mana. Then again, I suppose I have had little opportunity to use it before recent weeks. I am impressed, nevertheless. With your fortitude, and with your confidence. Your brother isn''t getting a chance to pursue my soldiers. The only way either of you leave here alive, in fact, is if you agree to help me get my slaves back. You''ve caused quite a mess, I hear. All across my country. And after I so generously offered you real power within it. Fortunately for you, I am a generous, forgiving man. And while your headache annoyed me, it annoyed Godfrey more. So I will give you one chance now."

    "One... chance?" I ask, "To... what? Pretend I... am... afraid of... a coward... like you? And what... you''ll let me... live?" He laughs.

    "No, of course not. You and I understand the same thing, I think. Leaving the wrong people alive is dangerous. And you are the head of a very dangerous snake, Lillith of Endings. However trite your name is. But your brother here? All your little soldiers marching on all my cities? I can leave them to flounder, once you have helped me subdue them. So? Are you as loyal as your subordinates? Willing to sacrifice yourself to spare your army? Or are you every bit the coward you claim I am?" He taunts. Mana forms around my right arm. Around my rings and bracelet. The only place where I can create a royal aura if I try. "Oh, my apologies. You must be finding it hard to answer," he suddenly adds, easing up the pressure around my head.

    It''s not gone, but I can look at him again. The mana continues to gather. Thankfully, with the Radiant Woods still buried all over this city, it remains invisible to Darian while the effect of the artifacts just barely allows me to form the spell at all against his oppressive mana. But it is forming. "You seem to be doing well for yourself, for someone with no fucking clue what is going on," I chortle. "But I''m glad you don''t. Your confidence in your infallibility is why you are going to die today. Your obsession with authority, and competing against everyone else who has it. They are why I''m going to be able to kill you." The spell forms as he smiles at me.

    "I''m sure. I''m sure you have a foolproof plan to kill me, with your meager, common mana. With your lovely circle that killed so many of Godfrey''s little elevated commoner pets. Your special circle he bought all those terrified nobles with, only to watch them die or flee in the face of a supposedly weaker power. Although I''ll admit his use of the priests was fairly clever. But that''s beside the point. Bluster won''t get you out of this one. Nor will a sharp tongue. You''ve been outmaneuvered. Your clever little plan to trap your betters failed this time. Now tell me what I want to know, or your brother dies he-" I loose my spell in the middle of his threat. As soon as it forms outside my body, his mana crushes mine. But I only needed a second.

    Once the spell was formed and aimed, it was too late to stop. Thunder cracks through the empty building as my lightning collides with Darian''s chest, knocking him off his feet and releasing us both from his mana. "Run, Ed! Get the spikes back!" I scream. I don''t need to, however, as my brother is already running out the door. I don''t hesitate either, immediately pulling my axe from my back and swinging it down on Darian''s body. He wants to commit fucking war crimes? Let''s see how he feels about double-tapping. I flex my arms and swing with force mana enhancing my already powerful strike on what I hope is a corpse.

    But this fight won''t be so easy. The man''s eyes fly open and his gravity mana throws him out of the way just as my axe lodges itself in the stone where he had been lying when my attack started. His tunic burns and he tears it off to reveal a rapidly healing scorch mark beneath. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. A divine mage? Another one? No, he''s still missing an arm. If he could heal himself like Baldwin or Sara, why would he leave it like that? I have to kill him now. I surround his head in invisible air mana, trying to create a vacuum around his head. The mana makes it to him, but he crushes the spell the moment he feels something off about the air.

    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    I throw myself at him with force, forming bladed tonfas with my steel mana. At the same time, I flood the room with as much water as I can and pull the heat from it a moment later with heat mana. The ice and weapons form and I nearly make it to him to stab into his face with my first punch. He moves only his head, easily avoiding my attack while catching me by the throat with his remaining hand. I try and force my other tonfa down on his arm, but his gravity grabs it and forces both arms and weapons rapidly to my side before either can reach him. The blades bite into my legs causing me to grimace as he chokes me easily with one hand.

    I can''t even flail as his gravity pulls me down, straining my neck against his grip. He shouldn''t be this strong physically, but I can feel his gravity mana, counteracting and enforcing itself in just the right spots to grant him strength comparable to mine. "So you really have invisible mana. Fascinating. I was almost certain that was just part of your legend," he smirks. "And so many aspects too! Wonderful. You really would have made an excellent officer, were you a little smarter. Perhaps Godfrey isn''t entirely a fool, bringing women to the battlefield. But it''s not going to be enough to save you." I start forming a lightning spell again, but he throws me down into my own ice, following it with a sound spell of some kind.

    I form a bubble of sound mana around my head to protect my ears, but his spell is so powerful it creates a concussive blast that cracks both my ribs and the ice beneath me. His gravity mana forces me against the ground again. I am no match for him. Not without the riot spikes. Not while he can heal from even a lightning bolt in a moment. How did he do that? How can he heal himself from that but not his arm? I haven''t felt that aching in my blood that comes with an attempt to take my mind either. Is he a divine mage or not? I have to do something. I have to fight him somehow. How is he healing? If not with divine magic then...

    "Someone told me that you are very sick, but you seem alright to me. It must be true. Your little jewelry is helping you out, I hear. Well. We don''t want you making another mistake, do we? Let''s see what we can do about that," He says, examining the bracelet and rings on my right arm. He awkwardly draws a sword from his right side with his remaining arm. "I am sorry about this. This sword is primarily meant for display and, well, I have only recently become left-handed. But I''m sure you understand. Sometimes, a little clumsy destruction is just easier than more precise efforts. And, truth be told, I haven''t quite taken out my anger over the loss of my own arm yet," he laments.

    My eyes lock on the sword as he clumsily raises it over his head. I try to form my lightning bolt faster, but he swings the sword down, biting into the leather armor at my shoulder. He frowns, putting one boot on my collarbone and yanking the sword out before raising it again. "Looks like I need a little extra help. One moment," he apologizes. He then swings again, this time the sword backed by his gravity. This time I feel the blade cut into my flesh and I have to bite back a scream. I lose focus on the spell for just a minute and frantically try to form it again, but he expects it this time. Despite the invisibility, he surrounds me with mana and crushes any spell I try to form.

    Again he presses against me with one foot, rocking the sword back and forth painfully to break it free, and again he swings it down. He misses the first cut, biting into unbroken skin and bone with this one. A deep scream escapes through my clenched teeth as tears start to run down my cheeks. Each time he pulls his sword out he first saws it back and forth, drawing an involuntary whimper from me and tearing as much of my shoulder as he can. He is slow. He is deliberate. He hacks at me again, and again, and again. Hot blood splatters against my face as I fail to hold a closed-mouth shriek of pain back.

    Each time I try to cast a spell I feel my mana collapse under the pressure of his. I can''t focus on it anymore. My own blood fills my mouth as it splatters against my face again, and again, and again. Eventually, he begins to find old cuts again and part of me feels relief. Relief that he is finally getting closer to his goal. That he is closer to severing my arm and stopping the fucking torture. I can take pain. I can take pain. I can take fucking pain. I can I can I can I can.

    I don''t know how long it takes. But eventually, finally, The sword goes all the way through, and my arm falls to the broken, bloodied ice beside me. Tears and blood mix on my cheeks. I am not sobbing yet, and that is the victory I have right now. Now, I am not sobbing because I have only grown more furious. More determined to kill him. I hold the blood in my mouth. Waiting for a chance. He''d said something about the priest. During the pain, during the torture, that was all I could think about. Divine mages who lack the power to heal an arm. Either he was given divine magic like them or, more likely, he has a few nearby to heal him. That has to be it.

    "Now. If you want me to tell Kallon to spare your brother, you will call off your dogs," he insists. "Or I will go to them directly, and kill them myself." I try to summon a spell, and my mana turns on me. The bracelet and rings are on my severed arm, doing nothing to protect me from my own body. I can feel the tumors drinking in the mana. I''ve also lost too much blood. I have to do something. I can''t die here. I open my mouth as if to speak but no sound comes out. "What was that?" he asks. I do the same again. He crouches down next to me and leans in. "Come on now. Speak up, or they all die. And I will make it hurt. A thousand times more than I just hurt you. Now speak. Up."

    As he gets just a little closer, I turn my head and cough in his face. My blood paints him before drawing a look of irritation. His mouth is half open, and he spits, confirming I managed my desperate plan. Now I just need him to touch me. And he does. He grips my face in his only hand. "You just killed your brother. Now. Call the rest off, or he won''t be the last." I just close my eyes and wait. It''s not long before he notices the change. The pain and twitching in his hand. "What did you do?" He snarls.

    "Killed you, I fucking hope," I reply. He looks down at his twitching hand and... clenches his fist. The twitching stops. The priests are still healing him.

    "Well. Not everyone''s hopes come true. Looks like you will need a little more convincing," he sighs. I see the discoloration and bulging veins trying to return. It''s not enough but... maybe it will be like with Baldwin. Maybe the next person to fight him can outpace his healing now that he''s been poisoned. It''s all I can manage. "I guess an arm wasn''t enough," he laments. "Well. We''ll just take a little at a time until you do as you are told, or die."

    He picks his sword up and stands again. As I feel the steel cut into my right knee I can only think of everyone else. I''m sorry. I did all I could. I love you all. I love you, Mom. Ed. Henry. Gil, Leo....

    The blade cuts.

    Sarafyna.

    The blade cuts

    I love you.

    The blade cuts.

    I don''t think I''m going to make it any further than this. I did what I could. I trust you all to finish what I started.

    The blade cuts, and I finally let the sob escape.

 Chapter 47 - Confronting the Past

    Edward

    I don''t know if I''m chasing or fleeing. I am doing exactly what Lillith asked, begged me to do. What she risked everything to give me the chance to do. But... I still feel like I''m a terrified child, running while Henry is taken. Because the man I am leaving my little sister with is more dangerous than the men I am chasing. I could feel it in the air even without his mana on me. Even as he fell to the ground with his flesh charred and his tunic burning. I could feel it. He wasn''t dead. He was still dangerous. And Lillith is going to be fighting for her life.

    And I am powerless to help her. Even if I stay, it will just waste her efforts. But I can''t get the image of that coward out of my head. That arrogant child, leaving his little brother behind. Hiding behind bravado when I thought he was dead. I need to focus. The best way to help Lily is to get the spikes, and get back to her. I can''t think about who I am chasing. I can''t think about my father. I just have to catch the other man and get the spikes back. I can''t fly like I''ve seen Lillith do, but it doesn''t seem like my enemies can either. Instead, I create quick bursts of wind behind each step, pushing me further and faster than I''d be able to manage otherwise.

    Unfortunately, both men I am pursuing have their own tricks. Dad looks over his shoulder at me before exchanging words with his companion, then abruptly stops before turning and looking at me. He stops and waits, and I groan. I really don''t want to do this. My wind pushes me forward anyway. He is glaring at me with a deep disdain I know I could never climb my way out of. As the gap closes my heart pounds and my stomach twists, like I''m a child on his way to be reprimanded. When I am ten paces from him and his red mana forms into hot flames, I create a huge burst of wind beneath me to vault over him, hopefully avoiding the confrontation altogether.

    I tried so hard with him. I really wanted it to all be a mistake. I knew he was working with Darian. I knew he was angry. But I wanted my memories to be wrong. The genuine happiness when Lily was hurt. The moment I realized I admired a small, sad man. Or at least the moment I began to suspect it. I spent my entire childhood waiting to be my father. Worshipping him. Emulating him. Twisted branches of wood try to tangle around me as I leap over him and I have to knock all of them away with wind.

    I wanted to be my father so, so badly. He was my entire world. A pillar my life revolved around. He was what I wanted to be for Lily. A protector. A provider. A mountain to provide shade and protect her from the winds of the world. I didn''t respond well, when she grew taller than me. Not literally but... I knew I would never provide her with shade again. I modeled my response after my father''s when he realized the same. Petty attempts to hammer her back down. To maintain my status above her with excuses and insults. I thought it was alright. Good, even. I thought I would someday be vindicated in all of it, because my father was the same. Because he was above reproach. Because he couldn''t be wrong and if I was careful to step where he had stepped, neither could I.

    Then I saw his face, after he tried to marry Lily to the man who beat her behind a church. I saw his smirk at her blood and her pain. And I saw his rage at Mom. And I felt the filth of my admiration rising up my throat and crawling across my skin. A wall of wood is waiting for me as I make it through his first spell, and I am finally forced to stop. I have to cushion my impact against the wall and then cobblestone with wind. I stand in front of it and pound a frustrated fist against the side. The image of the first man I killed flashes through my head. I can''t do that to my father. I can''t. I don''t know if I have the stomach to do that to anyone.

    But as I turn, fire surrounds him and I see that same look of disdain. And Lily is fighting for her life. I can''t waste time on him. I need to end this all in a single spell and continue chasing the riot spikes. "I was so proud of you, Edward. I wanted to be proud of you more than anything. To watch you grow into a man. You will never understand the disappointment you have left me with. The emptiness when you turned on me, in favor of the child who destroyed our family. You were so promising. So bright. And you had a chance to bring our family back together. To do what even I couldn''t. And now... now I have to... You''ll never understand," my father lectures. I have to fight the quivering that tries to take control of my lip.

    I wanted the same thing he did, really. A chance to bring the family back together. I knew I would fail, but if he hadn''t been so determined to kill Lily... I don''t know. I hoped he could be convinced to let go. I was. Part of me still wants to believe I can, if I could just stop him long enough to really talk. But Lily''s life depends on me. For all my worries about inferiority. For all my panic about not being trustworthy, she did trust me with our lives. With her life. And, unfortunately, Dad''s allies clearly didn''t trust him as much. However impressive he thinks his fire is... his mana is weak. They gave it to him as a collar, not a weapon. He is with them to trap Lily and me, and nothing more.

    So I am able to overpower him. Not easily enough. I still have to fight for it. And the last hope I have for him dies with that. Not weak enough to subdue but spare, at least not quickly. Not powerful enough to delay me without it being willful on my part. My mana climbs from the ground and strangles his. "I wanted you to be proud of me too, Dad. I loved you so much. Admired you so much," I reply. He summons all his mana. His mana which flares with the water running down my cheeks, but remains too weak. The glass aspect forms all around him. "You are wrong. I understand that disappointment. It is etched into me where my pride once stood."

    "What are you doing? Stop this now, Edward! Stop this now!" he demands. He still sounds like he is lecturing a child. And the glass solidifies. Not in a thousand shards, but in a single, uneven pillar. I couldn''t leave my father like the shredded meat the last man I fought ended up as. Instead, he dies in the glass. Still. Unmoving. Forever looking down his nose at me. Forever waiting for the respect he is owed as my father. I was like him, for a while. I was just like him. But he lived and died the same way. Frozen in time. And I couldn''t live like that.

    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    I turn and leave him there. I have no time to grieve what I''ve just done. No time to clear the water from my eyes. I have to keep moving. Maybe, in some small way, I can at least feed Lily''s mana a little more now.

    <hr>

    Henry

    Autumn and I run through the city. We both run as fast as we can. I barely know how to find the building Ed told us about, but we have no choice. The plan has already gone wrong. "Is anyone still trying to contact her?" I ask the sphere I grip tightly in one hand as we run.

    "Yes, but neither she nor Edward are answering!" The woman on the other end cries. Shit. Shit shit shit. She was so careful. Ed was so careful. And then she tells someone about the plan at the last minute? Shit! Whose side is the spy on? I have to hope it''s Godfrey. If Darian catches wind of this somehow... Godfrey will at least want Lillith alive. Maybe. It''s Godfrey, it has to be Godfrey.

    "It''s Godfrey, right, Autumn?" I beg. "The fucking traitor went to Godfrey, right?". I know she doesn''t know. I just need reassurance. I need to know. She looks down quietly instead of responding. She has been quiet since we got the call. Something is wrong, but we don''t have time to address it. We stop at a four-way intersection in the road. Where did Ed say it was? Where did... Right, that way. Toward the wall. I grab Autumn''s hand and run as hard as I can. As I do, I realize I need to rely on Ed''s crap directions less and less. But it''s not a relief.

    I look back at Autumn and see it on her face as well. The pressure. We are approaching a powerful mage. A mage powerful enough that Lily never would have willingly fought them in the city. The pressure grows like a sweltering summer day and it becomes difficult to run. Eventually, we can''t anymore, but we do find our destination. Not only does it look exactly like Ed described and emanate that foul aura of power but... there seem to be a few men hiding nearby. Not just any men but... priests? Fortunately, their focus is on the building itself rather than anything in our direction or they would have spotted me immediately.

    So not guards then. Autumn and I duck behind an old restaurant nearby. "What do you think they are doing here?" I whisper. She looks at me with wide eyes.

    "I- I don''t..." she trails. She is having trouble focusing. I am scared too, but there has to be something under all of it. Neither of us are exactly ''punchy'' as Lily would say, but... she is somewhere else entirely. I put my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes.

    "Please. Autumn. I love you. But my sister needs help, and you know more about things like the church than I do. Please. Why would they be here?" I ask again. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes flick back and forth for a moment before finally locking on mine.

    "I... priests are healers. They may have brought them as healers," she finally replies. Well, that wasn''t a part of Lily''s plan, so...

    "So they are here so, what? They can heal any wounds they get in a confrontation?" I ask.

    "M-maybe? I don''t really understand divine magic. What do we do?" she asks.

    "I don''t know. Knock them out maybe? I figure if the owner of this aura wants them here, we don''t, right?" I respond.

    "W-what if they are here to heal Lillith and Edward, like... to take them prisoner?" She suggests. Shit. I don''t know.

    "I don''t know. I don''t think they would need to, right? Shit... I think... I think we have to make a call here," I reply. "Sitting here isn''t going to help anything. We have to guess..."

    "And then do what? You''ll hit them with acid? Kill a couple divine mages? There could be more than the ones we see, Henry," she counters. Shit, she''s right. At least she is present now.

    "My mana''s not really that kind of acid, I can''t kill anyone with it. But we have to do something!" I answer. I have water mana as well but... I am not practiced in combat. I use magic for alchemy.

    "What about a potion then? Anything to knock them out?" Autumn asks. I mentally catalog the potions I brought with me.

    "I uh, I have an anesthetic but it has to be ingested. And I have green mist," I suggest. The response to this is the most ordinary ''Autumn'' she has been all day.

    "Why in the third plane did you bring green mist? What''s the plan? Get them too high to heal?" she asks. I shrug.

    "It''s got Lily''s poison in it. We can''t activate it, but she''s used it to kill people before. Maybe we can use it to give her an advantage!" I suggest. Autumn looks like she is going to protest when the door of the building literally flies off its hinges and a furious, bloodied man with one arm storms out. The priests jump and run to meet him. As Autumn suspected, more than the few we could see end up swarming around him. Eight in total, it seems.

    "You said you could keep her alive longer than that!" He snarls to the priest''s terror.

    "We have been trying, your Majesty," one of them begs. "It''s not working on her! We don''t know why!"

    "Do you know how hard it''s going to be to stop this fucking rebellion without her?" the man snarls. That must be Darian. "Get in there, all of you, and bring her back!" He snaps. Back? What does he mean back?

    "Your Majesty, the Collector gives us power, but bringing back the dead..." the priest protests.

    "She wouldn''t be dead if you hadn''t convinced me of the wonders of your damn magic. So go fix your mistake, or join it," Darian orders. "Except you four. She did something to me, and you and every other priest in the church are going to fix it!" With that, and without waiting for a response, he explodes in deep red mana, leaving only the four remaining priests behind. My heart tries to beat out of my chest as the remaining priests rush into the building in his wake.

    "No, they''re not..." I whisper. Autumn bites her lip and I look at her desperately. "Please... please can you..." I trail. She looks at me in terror, but hesitantly nods. She sneaks up to the side of the building, and I follow. We make it to a window but neither of us wants to look inside. I give Autumn another desperate look and she clenches her eyes shut for a moment, gripping her blouse with one hand. Then, slowly, she gets up on the balls of her feet and peeks through the window. The strangled shriek she chokes back hits me like a landslide.

    She falls backward and holds one hand over her mouth in horror while her eyes bulge. My heart is in my stomach. I have to see. "Wait, Henry," she protests in a whisper as I peek inside myself. Ed is nowhere to be seen. But the priests huddle around a woman I know well. Lillith lies in a pool of water and blood. Her right arm has been brutally severed at the shoulder. Her right leg is the same at the knee. I see her left foot, casually thrown to the side in its own pool. A sword protrudes from her gut, pinning her to the ground. She is completely motionless, and her open eyes are empty. She is dead.

 Chapter 48 - Rejecting Reality

    Sarafyna

    It happened again. But it''s worse this time. She''s in pieces. I can see her. Broken. Bloodied. Dismembered and impaled. It keeps happening. With whatever she did, I had hoped it wouldn''t happen again. But this was more than her cancer. This was a far darker malignance. This was torture and I felt every stab. Every slash. Annie screamed out. She sobbed. She wept with pain and I was too far to help her. I hate it when Annie is in pain. I hate it when she feels helpless, just as much as she does.

    "You know you can''t keep this up. Day after day. Hour after hour. Minute after minute. You have to rest eventually."

    One more time. Two more times. As many times as it takes. I will not leave her. I will bend and break the world to keep her safe. To keep her alive.

    "Why are you so certain she even wants this? Don''t you think this hurts? Don''t you think this is miserable for her? Exhausting? What if you are hurting her?"

    Nearly every night since I have been here, this has happened. The cancer has caught up to Annie again, and again, and again. And each time, I have fought it off. Each time I have brought her back. Until that night she came here and visited me, this happened to her every single night. Twice on that last day. It felt like it would never end.

    "You know it will have consequences. There is a reason sages only push the world so far. There is a reason it resists you when you try to change her body more. There is a cost for this."

    I realized it, back in Tumult. When she fought the city lord. And I became certain when I found her at her desk. I had always felt connected to Annie. From the moment I met her. Before that, really. The moment she got anywhere near the Radiant Woods, I knew she could save me. I knew she would save me. And with the realization, came the images. The resistance. The insistence of reality that I was wrong. Every single time I have done this since I have been assaulted by the images. I push at the boundaries of the world. I push at reality, and I reject it. I will not let Annie go. I will never let Annie go.

    "Don''t you wonder, why she remembers the first seven years like they are hers? Why she considers herself ''Lillith''? Do you really think that doesn''t matter?"

    I tell the world no, and it shows me the reality. It demands I acknowledge the truth. Annie is dead. She was beaten. Hacked at. Killed. Her cancer came back when she lost her arm. The fabric of reality shows me, tries to prove to me, that she is dead. I reject it. So it shows me another image. Her corpse in bed. Exhausted. Overworked. Overstressed. Taken by cancer. I reject it again and it shows me this image over and over again. On different days. Different nights. I can tell it isn''t the same night. She will always adjust. Shift. Her cat will move. But one thing is always the same. She is always dead.

    "It''s because she is Lillith. She has always been Lillith, and she has always been Annie. What do you think that means? What do you think that implies about what you have done to her? About what you keep doing to her?"

    I reject all of them. So it keeps going back. It keeps trying to force me to acknowledge what should be true. The scene finally shifts to a new room. A room back in our old community. It shows her, collapsed at her desk, a whisper sphere in a pool of blood from her mouth. Godfrey shouting from the other end. She is dead. I reject it. Again the vision changes. Her body is on the floor of a mansion, torn to shreds by shrapnel. Another man lies near her. Some kind of explosion has gone off, killing them both. She is undeniably dead. I reject it.

    "We are supposed to move on when we die, Sarafyna. We are supposed to move to something new. Something better. A new chance to live again. We are not supposed to keep fighting. We are not supposed to be relied on by the living."

    Now she is in the Radiant Woods. I feel a stone in my gut as I see it. She has been impaled by some kind of stinger, because I failed to protect her. She should die. This should kill her. She should not be able to survive this. But I am there, by her side, and I reject it. I put her back together. Now she is on campus. There is so much blood around her. So much anger. Sinew runs down her chin. She is impaled on a spear of bone, protruding from a corpse''s arms. She is dead. I reject it.

    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    "We have new lives waiting for us. She has a new life waiting for her. A better life. Without the death. Without the suffering. She could have started it so many years ago. But you are holding her here. Holding her captive."

    She is a child now. Crumpled on the floor. Pain is etched into her rigid face. Her hand is gripping a needle and she lies next to an open bottle of ink. She is dead, and mana swirls mockingly around her corpse. I refuse. She is in bed. Surrounded by her younger family. The sweat of a fever decorates her head and soaks her pillow. She fought as hard as she could, but she couldn''t beat the sickness. It was too much for a child her age. A tragedy, but a common one in commoner households. It''s simply not plausible to keep every child healthy into adulthood. She is dead.

    "How much nexus energy does this take you? To bring her back, over and over and over again? To sustain her? To keep the blood running through her dead veins? To grow her into a woman? How much could you do for other people with this power? Wouldn''t she want that? Wouldn''t she want the massive amount of Nexus energy to be used to feed the poor? To fight the nobility? To end suffering, instead of wasting it on her?"

    She is dead.

    She is dead.

    She is dead.

    She is dead.

    No. No no no. She is Annie Beckett. She is Lillith of Endings. She is the Mage of Mourning. She is the hope for the people in the world. She is the savior of so many people. She is my savior. She is the woman I love. And She. Is. Alive. I will not accept a world where she is dead. I will not accept it and I have the power to deny it. Annie is not dead.

    "How much power does it take to sustain her? To let a corpse grow, and age, and change, and bleed? How much are you wasting to make the world pretend she is still alive? You know that''s all it is, don''t you? Pretend? She is nothing more than a moving corpse. Nothing."

    She is on the ground. Ground like I have never seen in a city I don''t understand. People in clothes that make no sense surround her. She is... unrecognizable. Not because of her curled hair. Not because of her brown eyes. And not because of her differing build. Because of the impact. She is unrecognizable. She is dead. No.

    "How soon could you have escaped from the Nexus, the Radiant Woods? If instead of reaching out and demanding the world send you help, you used this power yourself? You were only there for what, a year when you started spending your massive power on this? Begging for help? Bringing a child back from a peaceful death with memories she shouldn''t have? Feeding Nexus energy to her body so she could age and eat? I know you were a child. I know you weren''t even aware of what you were doing. But don''t you see what a waste that is? You spent eight more years in the Nexus, waiting for your pet corpse to come and save you!"

    "Shut up!" I finally shout. "I am trying to focus, and I have nothing to say to you, Rune!" The boy shakes his head at me as I try to focus on Annie again. I can still see her. There are priests surrounding her for some reason. They think they get to decide her life, but it is out of their hands. It almost feels like cramping throughout my entire body as I wrestle with the world. Rune was right, I am getting stronger. But he is also right that this gets harder, and harder, and harder. I feel like I am folding in on myself and lifting a boulder at the same time. Like my skin is growing too small for the rest of my body and I have to struggle to move.

    "Drop. The. Dead. Weight." Rune insists. I refuse.

    I am not the one that needs to move. Reality is. The Nexus is. Anything that insists that the woman I love is dead. She is not dead weight. She is not dead anything. I will not allow it. I don''t care if they tie me up. I don''t care if they lock me here. I don''t care if Rune keeps watch on me so it is too dangerous to bring Annie here. I don''t care if they feed me poison day after day and refuse to give me a place to shit. I will use everything I have to deny a world where Annie is dead and I am alone.

    I push. I bend. I break. And I feel the breath enter her lungs again.

    I look at Rune. "No. I do not care about you. I do not care about your plans. No. Annie is not dead weight. Annie is everything. And without her, this power is nothing." I say. He sighs and straightens up. No longer leaning against one wall, he brushes off his jacket.

    "Then you were a waste of my time. I have other duties to attend to than a lovesick child and her meat puppet girlfriend. Rot here until you learn to let go," he spits back in disgust. Then he knocks on the door, and unceremoniously leaves. I only smile. I did it again. Everything about reality tried to stop me, but I did it one more time. And I will keep doing it, as long as I need to. Annie is alive. And I can feel how angry she is. I would hate to be the man that did that to her.

    And if Rune is serious, if he is finally giving up hope on me... I would hate to be the woman that put me here. Because Rune is wrong. Annie is not holding me back. She is not dead weight. Getting back to her is the desperation that pushed me this hard. Harder than that child''s taunting ever could. She is why the poison is holding me back less and less.

    Annie is why I am now able to shift and mold my arms into slick, formless flesh, and slip from my restraints. As soon as I can''t feel Rune''s presence anymore, Annie will be why I was able to break free.

 Chapter 49 - Dead or Alive

    Edward

    I''m almost there. Dad... the man I killed managed to slow me down a little, but some aspects are simply better for speed than others. I am closing the gap on the remaining bard. The wind at my feet pushes me forward with all the urgency I can force into it. I need to give Lily a chance. The palace is in view now, and time is running out for both of us. The man ahead of me seems to glide through the air in a way I don''t understand whereas I am jumping forward in quick bursts of speed.

    When I am finally close enough that I think I will finally catch him, he seems to respond to my aura and pick up the pace as well. Worse, silver mana similar to Lily''s steel forms in little bursts behind him, and I barely react to the shards of shrapnel before flying directly into it at full speed. I am forced to create a spell in front of me to redirect the razor-sharp metal. This works well enough at first, until we pass an intersection where one of the few people out on the streets has to duck out of the way of a weapon meant for me.

    I wince at the mistake I nearly made. I can''t hurt someone else while defending myself. I''d forgotten that people were starting to venture out of their homes again. I use a burst of wind to throw myself high into the air again, avoiding the attacks and giving myself time to form a shield of thick glass. It''s a bit hard to hold as I sweat with exertion, but as I come back down the steel lodges in my shield instead of flying to the sides. The spider-web cracks that form with each impact gradually make it more difficult to see my target, but it holds.

    It slows me down a bit, however, and I am forced to form more glass on the front at an angle, like a mountain rooftop. This helps cut the resistance and deflect the projectiles with fewer cracks. This protects me, but his lead is growing. I am just about to throw my shield to the side when a burst of flame shoots from behind the other man, colliding directly with my glass. It''s hot enough to make the glass glow red and bend underneath it, but not enough to stop me. Lily taught me a trick for this, and I can do it with wind.

    I can''t crush this spell like my fath- like that other man''s fire, but I can fill the same space with wind mana and move all the air in the area away from the flames, choking them. This isn''t foolproof for magic, but so long as the flames aren''t fed by mana constantly they will die. Wherever Lily is from, she seemed to learn a lot of strange concepts that our parents never taught us. Or maybe she learned this at the academy. In either case, it seems to work and the fire dissipates instantly. But as my vision was obscured, we have closed on the palace. It''s right in front of us, and my opponent doesn''t seem concerned with making it to the main entrance.

    He is practically running up a pillar, headed straight for a window on the second floor. It''s high, but I can make it with a leap. I jump in the air, create a pocket of high-pressure wind, and launch myself toward the window on a collision course with my enemy. His face is perfectly still as he launches fire and metal blades at me. I try to deflect some of it with wind, but defense can''t be my only goal. No, I will soon be close enough to touch the bag on his back. In one hand I create a knife of glass while I keep my eyes on the bag. My defense isn''t strong enough to protect me. This man''s aura grows and wanes like my... like the other enemy, but it''s so much stronger.

    Hot metal cuts through my clothes and into my flesh as I get closer to my quarry, but I am able to keep it away from anywhere too dangerous. It sticks in my legs and forearms and cuts deep gashes along my ribcage, but I fail to take any fatal damage. And finally, we collide. I see him forming a long knife to stab me with and I form a barrier of glass between his arm and my throat. I can''t hold it in place so it only buys me a moment. But in that moment, I cut deep into the burlap of the bag he stole from me. A moment later, we both crash through the massive stained-glass window.

    We slide, tangled up together across a wide marble floor. Everything hurts. But the other man is still trying to kill me. I roll over onto my back and grip one of the cold black spikes that scattered from the ripped bag when we collided with the ground. As my opponent tries to stab at me, I kick up at him to redirect his knife, meanwhile countering his mana with my own. Until I manage to push a little mana into the spike and activate it.

    Fire and wind disappear in an instant. The vibrance of the world dulls. The pain all over my body sharpens. My opponent staggers, having failed to entirely regain his feet before his mana disappears. I manage to land a kick on his face and knock him backward. I groan as I climb to my feet, fighting all the stinging pains and protests of my legs. I am about to move to stop my opponent when a voice interrupts us.

    "What is this, Ansel?" A bored voice asks. I whip my head around to find two men. One is sitting on a small but elegant throne while the other is... chained to the side. The speaker toys with what looks like a letter opener while his prisoner, a one-armed man with nearly empty eyes, simply examines the cold floor he kneels on. The captive has a metal collar attached to a chain. The man I was chasing, Ansel, hurries to his feet and bows.

    "Apologies, Prince Kallon," he says. "I... have not quite recovered from my fights with the Mage of Mourning and the false King Godfrey. I was unable to shake this... boy. He isn''t strong, however. I will dispatch him shortly."

    Kallon raises his eyebrow. "Is that so? Isn''t that one of these... riot spikes in his hand? How do you plan to kill him from over there without your mana?" He challenges. Ansel bows his head further.

    "He is injured, my Prince. It will be no matter. I apologize for bringing this embarrassment before you. It''s... unsightly. I had intended to kill this rabble earlier, but I judged the risk that he acquired a spike and returned it to the Mage of Mourning was too high. I was also ordered to bring these directly to you. I acknowledge my failure in allowing this mess. It will be handled shortly, on my honor," Ansel insists. I look back and forth between them, a little flabbergasted at this conversation happening in front of me. The chained man catches my eye and pours desperate determination over me like a waterfall. That single look sends energy through my veins, begging me to act.

    "I expected no better from you," Kallon dismisses, glaring at me and failing to make eye contact with Ansel. "Your failure now is more minor than your failure to properly monitor Godfrey. Or to stop that bitch before she killed my father. Yet you live. Failure is expected. I will handle this child." He puts down the letter opener and interlocks his fingers, leaning forward while maintaining eye contact with me. I decide in this moment that I don''t want to talk to him. I begin to make my move but he flares his aura, nearly knocking his prisoner to the ground. It curves around a spherical area as it dissipates. I look down at my hand and groan. I am holding a smaller spike. Lily wanted spikes with varying ranges, which made sense before this moment.

    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

    I glance at the other spikes on the ground but... "You''ll never get to them before I kill you. I''m guessing solid projectiles won''t disappear in your little spike''s range, and you''ll have to deactivate it to try another, won''t you? How about we talk instead?" He suggests. I glare at him. Lily doesn''t have time for this. But I don''t have a good move here. "So you are Edward Endings, I presume? I hear your sister killed my father."

    I gulp, open my mouth to answer, and Lily''s voice booms outside, loud enough to make my bones ache.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    My eyes fly open. There are four men looking down at me. Or there were, before all of them jump back and one of them shrieks in fear. The throbbing pain persists, but at least the hacking has ended. And... I don''t know how, but my cancer has again receded. I don''t understand it, but who am I to question it? At least I''m alive. I am down one arm. One leg. Oh fuck, he got my left foot too, didn''t he? Why did he fucking leave?

    Well. I''m glad he did. I have blood and a fresh scar on my gut too. Darian''s bloodied sword is on the ground next to me. Ugh, I shouldn''t have survived all that. What am I, a shonen hero? Well. I guess I did get my ass isekai''d somehow. Maybe it comes with the territory. Fuck, what am I even thinking about right now? Did these guys heal me? Did I get on good terms with the church somehow? I try to speak and a pained half-growl half muffled scream escapes instead.

    "She... she''s alive? Shit, she''s alive!" One of them howls. You got the wrong girl, folks. Frankenstein''s monster is my girlfriend, not me. I try to speak again, this time prepared to respond to the pain.

    "You were literally the ones watching me sleep. Why are you acting creeped out?" I ask.

    "Contact King Darian immediately," another orders. Fuck. These chuds are with him after all, huh? I want to move but the pain assaults me. Just as one of the priests is about to call their boss back to continue his casual torturing, I hear glass shattering. The area immediately fills with... green mist? Are these guys trying to get high right now? I mean, I get it, anxiety, but still. Now? The last thing I need is to get... Actually. Actually, you know fucking what? That actually sounds amazing. I take in a deep breath through my nose and let the mist out through my mouth. Two things happen.

    While the pain doesn''t dull, my focus shifts. Whenever I think about the pain, my mind drifts to something else. I also immediately recognize the batch of mist. It''s Henry''s. Stronger, safer, and more laced with poison from my blood than anything else on the streets. I smile. I can''t get up on my own, but I have mana. It feels a bit like trying to pee while being watched, stubborn and resistant, but the mana comes and takes on the force aspect I have been using for so long. I feel it flicker and realize I need to get my artifacts back on soon. But first, I have to stop them from bringing Darian back before I am ready.

    I pick myself up with force mana, literally carrying myself like some kind of mutilated ghost. I don''t hesitate, I throw myself at each priest and just... slap them in the face. I have been sweating enough I don''t have to worry much about producing more. None of them have the strength that Baldwin had, so the first quickly realizes his divine magic is failing him, and screams as the others flee. But I throw myself like a ragdoll at each, making sure to make contact at least once. None seem to be particularly powerful mages and each is quickly writhing on the ground. My poison is a slow and painful death with divine magic impeding its progress. So I create four steel pellets and propel them into each of the priests'' heads, ending their suffering.

    I pant, looking around for my arm, when I see Henry and Autumn hesitantly making their way inside. "Jesus Lil, are you alright? We thought you were dead! How aren''t you dead? Can we help you?" Henry immediately asks as I sigh in relief. Then I raise an eyebrow at him.

    "Jesus?" I ask. "Are you picking up my speech habits? How cute," I cough. He blushes.

    "I heard it somewhere else," He grumbles.

    "God, I hope that''s a lie," I dismiss.

    Again Autumn looks at us like we are insane. "Lillith... just tell us... what happened to you?" She begs.

    "Ran into an asshole, that''s all. Someone find my arm," I reply.

    "Your arm? Lillith... I don''t think we can fix... this..." Henry apologizes and I roll my eyes.

    "The jewelry jackass. I need the artifacts for my cancer," I answer. He and Autumn jump into action at the realization.

    "Right, shit, sorry, we are... a little off," Henry apologizes. He runs to the center of the room and picks up my arm. Then pauses, leans forward, and vomits.

    "Fuck did you just vomit on me?" I ask. He looks up at me with a sickly pallor.

    "What? No, I puked on... oh shit, I guess I did," he replies, before hurling again. Autumn goes to join him. She chokes back some vomit herself, but manages to start pulling the bracelet and rings off. She repeatedly has to look away but she does eventually get them all, wiping my brother''s puke off the affected articles with her blouse.

    Both of them, still looking sick, approach me to put them on my left hand. "Oh Collector, you can drop that now, Henry!" Autumn insists as Henry literally forgets to drop my arm.

    "Shit, I''m sorry, I''m not used to this stuff!" Henry apologizes, literally throwing it back across the room. The two finally make it to me and begin sliding the artifacts in place.

    "Wouldn''t kill you to show a little respect. That was my good arm, you know," I complain. Again both have to choke back their bile. I am actually feeling pretty good. But, well, I am a little high. "Do you have your riot spikes?" I ask and they both nod. "Great, I need one. Either one. You keep one on you, just in case."

    "You''re not seriously going to try and fight still, are you?" Autumn asks in horror. I try to shrug but the act brings the pain to the forefront again, which elicits a muffled grunt from me before I can respond.

    "I have to," I finally answer. "If I don''t, he will kill... everyone. He''s... He will kill everyone. I have to," I reply. They share a concerned look, but eventually, Henry pulls out a riot spike and hands it to me.

    "Be careful," he says. "Promise you will be careful. Lil, you look like a butchered animal. If there was anything I could do, I''d fight in your stead. I have half a mind to try. If I didn''t know how damn strong you are, I would. Shit, I don''t even know how you plan to fight inside a riot sphere. You are literally carrying yourself with mana!"

    "I''ll figure something out," I reply. "I''m clever that way. Besides, I got a good hit in. The priests will have to work overtime to keep him alive with my poison running through him." He sighs as I take the spike. "Stay safe." With that, I launch myself from the building. I have to be careful, as I fly from the city. Not every anti-Lillith circle is horizontal and the vertical ones will kill me if I fly through them. But I am angry, and I can breathe in the grief in the air. I make it to the field with the giant wave of ice, which I sit down on top of. I gotta make the little prick angry enough to come here, where I can fight without worrying about collateral damage. Where I can actually have a damn spike prepared.

    I start summoning steel mana, making an extremely rudimentary foot for my left leg as well as a crutch. Finally, I gather sound mana and shout, amplifying my voice across the city.

    "You didn''t finish the fucking job, Darian. Darian the false king. Darian the coward king. Darian the weak king, who had to beg a girl for help, and still failed. If you have the balls to fight me, a woman with one working limb and a fraction of your magic, well. I am waiting on the ice wall. If you are a king, come and fucking prove it."

 Chapter 50 - Make them Grieve

    My sound mana dissipates and the world goes silent. I start working on something for my right leg. So long as I can stand, I can fight. It is a simple blade prosthetic. A brace with curved steel to create a little tension as I rest on it. It''s not much. But I shakily lift myself with force mana and try and stand... only to almost immediately slip. Shit. Obviously, this is a giant block of ice. For all the help with pain the green mist is providing, my mind is too muddy. I aspect more steel, my skin vibrating and itching as I do. The mana, usually smooth like water in a river, flows a bit more like infected piss at the moment. But it works. I am able to add sharp, thin spikes to maintain my footing.

    Lowering myself again, I manage to stand. Holy fuck does it hurt, but I can stand. It''s enough. If I can get Darian into a riot spike''s sphere of effect, I will actually have the advantage. And with all this very meltable ice around, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. But as I make my preparations for the fight, the world remains silent. My heart hasn''t beat in years, but I still feel that familiar anxiety of aimless adrenaline. Maybe he is still working with the priests? My poison is not easy to flush from the system, but he did go to the church. He should be angry. He should be furious. He should still want me to try and call off the riots in all the other cities.

    I am half dead. He must have left me on the brink and left the priests behind to heal me. So he could hurt me more. Because he still needs me. I look like a half-butchered calf. I have loose flesh hanging from a poorly closed stump of a shoulder. I already lost to him badly. If anything, the poison should mean he needs me more. He knows about the riot spikes but... he is so powerful. So arrogant. He should know he can win. I sure as hell don''t know if I can, and that should be encouraging for him. He fucking heard me, I am sure of that. He should be coming here to kill me by now.

    And then I feel it. The pressure of his aura, exploding from the city. It makes me dizzy just to feel it. It must be fucking painful for any mages inside the city, is he insane? It''s not a terrible idea for avoiding a riot spike, filling the area with mana. But surely waiting until he was out of the city would be better. Then I spot him. He is too far to see his face, but he is surrounded by five other men and a deep red mana radiates off of him as all six rise into the air above the city. Why is he aspecting it already? He pauses and an ominous chill peppers my body with gooseflesh. They start to rise higher. Then higher. Then higher still. Not toward me, just high above the city.

    What is he doing? What does he hope to... I stop short, catching a quick breath as something hits me. Something I never would have considered in a fight against a man like this. He already handily beat me. I have a single working limb and a gut wound. I should no longer register as a major threat, just something he needs. Something that makes him angry. But not something he needs to fear, as far as he knows. But he is not coming to meet me as I''d hoped. A terrifying worry crawls up my spine like a centipede. He is too far to make out his facial expression, and he is not responding to my taunt.

    It feels like I can read him, in a way. And he can read me. Our intentions travel across the distance without words and we are both unmoving. ''Come here''. We both need the other to come to us. It''s not something we want, or prefer. We both need it. Because there is something I didn''t consider when I adapted my plan to provocation instead of a trap. I failed to lure Darian out of the city the first time. He knows that''s what I wanted to do. I thought he might come anyway, confident in his power and my injuries but... I hit him hard enough to kill him while he had the advantage before. I may have won there without the priests. I poisoned him and forced him to run mid-interrogation to seek more healers. He likely hasn''t beat the poison yet. It is potent and attacks the nervous system, which his priests don''t understand.

    All this to say, he can''t be confident in killing me. He has become aware of the danger of a small mistake. Maybe before he even met me, based on his own missing limb. But even more so now. He lacks the confidence I need him to have. He is afraid of me. He is too afraid to fight me when I have the advantage. The difference in our abilities is so wide, and his victory in our last fight was so complete, I didn''t consider it as a serious option. But it''s the smart move. Out here, all I have to do is handle his priests, and he knows I can do that now. He may not know how, but he knows I can. It would be idiotic to come to me, however angry he may be. I have grown too comfortable relying on the powerful''s arrogance.

    His entourage continues to ascend. I throw myself from the ice. This was a mistake. I propel myself with force mana to return to the city as quickly as I can. Shit. Shit shit shit. I can''t beat him without a riot spike. I can''t guarantee everyone''s safety in the city. But this asshole knows that. He knows why I am here. He knows I fucking care about collateral damage. This means while we both need the other to come to us, he has the means to force my hand. He proved it, two weeks ago. He doesn''t care if he loses a city. He cares if he gets what he wants. And what he wants is my cooperation. To stop the riots. For my circle. For help getting all the slaves back. I don''t know. Two tones of red mana swirl through the air as I re-enter the city at breakneck speeds. I don''t have a choice. He''s fucking insane.

    There should be too many powerful nobles in this city for him to do this. To even threaten this! This should have been the one city that was too dangerous to destroy. But, I suppose for the same reason, it is the most advantageous to eliminate. If he pulls it off no other city in the country has anyone who can oppose him. Fuck, maybe he doesn''t even care that much if I survive. He sure wasn''t that careful about it the first time. Maybe he''s cutting his losses and trying to drive the point home that fighting back means death for everyone. Whether they were involved in the fight or not. Maybe he can''t beat the poison after all and wants to punish me for it. I don''t know. Maybe he really is just absolutely batshit. But his intent is clear. He is going to kill everyone in this city.

    His mana feels like a storm as I fly through it, trying to reach him. I still have a riot spike. I can still stop him. We''ll just have to fall together. I can accept that. I feel like I''m practically dead already anyway. I just... I just wish I could have saved Sarafyna first. But Ed will do it. Henry will help too. They don''t need me. This mistake was my fault anyway. Believing my own goddamn legend. No one can stop Lillith: great woman of history. Fucking right. I was a spark, sure. But I''ve done my job. Now I just need to make it to Darian, activate this spike, and hold him in place until we hit the ground. But his mana, even spread over such a wide area, wants to devour me.

    It wants to take my mana and crush it. So I push harder. My arm feeds spare mana back to me and helps me push through. It''s like swimming upriver in the middle of rapids. I consider using light and sound mana to obscure my approach, but it would take too much focus. I''m barely keeping my force mana stable as it is. I have almost no chance of reaching him successfully. I already saw how a blind charge will end. But I have no time to strategize. No time for clever plans. No tricks to level the playing field. I was supposed to be the distraction. Not the entire city. I owe them this Hail Mary.

    The shades of red around me are all-encompassing and I can barely make out the figures above as I ascend to them. I push myself harder and feel my injuries protest the speed with which I fly through the air. I get closer, and closer, until I can finally see Darian''s face through the red tint of the world. And he sees me as well. In an instant, his mana collapses around me and I am restrained again. I grip the spike in my hand. I just need him close enough. The red mana keeping everyone elevated comes from him exclusively. If I can dissipate it, we all die, and everyone below us lives.

    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

    He descends, just a little, and the obscuring mana around me dissipates. It rages in the sky everywhere else, but allows a narrow gap where I am. He has everything he wants. I knew it was a desperate move. But I just need him a little closer. Just a little, and I can save everyone. "There you are. My little revolutionary," Darian slowly claps. "It was certainly an admirable attempt. Trying to goad me out like that. And I''ll admit. Whatever you did to me, the priests are struggling to keep it from killing me. Impressive, killing the ones I left with you, by the way. If a little ungrateful." I glare up at him silently. Come a little closer. Just a little closer, and this will all be over.

    "You''ve shown your whole hand now," he remarks. As he descends I can make out the bulging, discolored veins from my poison. Appearing and disappearing as the priests sweat above him, expending all of their divine magic to fight it off. He may be in a position of power, but this move makes sense. He is just as fucking desperate as I am. I was overthinking it. He''s not confident the priests can fix this at all. Maybe they can''t. But he thinks I can. He tortured me privately to save the rest of the country. But he will kill everyone in the capital to save himself. I wish I could at least enjoy this small victory. But as it so often is for people in power, they will always make sure everyone below them suffers more than they do.

    "You''ve shown your hand and I know exactly how to get what I want. I am done hurting you. I''ve done that enough. No. You will do what I say, or every single person in this city dies. Everyone but you, the palace, and the temple of course. I have a feeling that loss will hit you harder than a limb or two. So what''ll it be? Tell me what you did to me and call off your revolution, or watch another city die below you," He offers. He continues to descend and I look up at him with defeat.

    "... Alright. Give me a whisper sphere, I''ll call them off," I promise. He examines me with suspicion, then looks at my hand, casually hidden behind my left leg. He scoffs and stops descending. Suddenly, the brighter mana all around me manifests. The sky over Visenar fills with burning magma in an instant. I can feel its heat drawing sweat from me. It hovers there, flowing into itself but failing to fall.

    "I am holding this up with my mana. Would you care to take a guess what will happen if I lose control over my mana?" He prods and my face falls. There goes plan A. A sick feeling in my stomach begins to build and nausea insists I lie down somewhere. Instead, I give Darian a cold stare. Those fluctuations in his veins remain. The fight against my poison. I am almost dizzy with the illness that assaults me now.

    "The sphere," I say again. He nods and descends further, until we are floating about a foot away, eye to eye. He digs a sphere out with one hand and offers it. I tuck the spike into my belt and accept. I hold the sphere up to my face and will it to call... everyone. Anyone with a whisper sphere. I don''t know how many people will answer, but I want everyone to hear what I have to say. To witness what is about to happen. I give it a few moments while I glare at Darian.

    "You''re wrong, you know," I say. My voice carries to anyone who has picked up, more people with every moment.

    "How is that?" He asks.

    "They aren''t revolutionaries. They are insurrectionists," I answer.

    "What difference does that make?" he asks. I respond in two ways. First, I take advantage of my colorless grief mana to cast a covert sound spell, like I did on my execution day. This time, I want to be loud, but only down in the city. Throwing my voice is the first spell I learned after all. This time I just need as many people in the city below to hear me as possible. Second, I take a deep breath as I speak into the sphere.

    "Everyone in the city below, in Visenar. You need to run," I warn. Darian sighs.

    "It will do them no good. I''ll just expand the range. Do what you said you would do. There is no running from this," he dismisses.

    "If the torches around you are fed by fuel, run to where they are magic stones instead. You will be safe under the light of stone, but you may die if you use firelight. So run," I warn again. This only colors Darian''s face with confusion.

    "I told you. There is no running from this. What does it matter what torches they use?" I continue to glare. This wasn''t my first choice, but it was a possibility I understood. I would have preferred to simply fall with him. But if this is the option I have, it is the one I will use.

    "Because you made a fucking mistake, your Highness. There are thousands of families beneath us. You are planning to kill thousands of families. Innocent or otherwise. Noble or otherwise. Slaves, and workers, and lords. All of them know you murdered a city before, and all of them can see death in the sky now," I explain. I do this more for the sake of anyone picking up their whisper sphere. So they will know what is happening in the city. So they will hear how to escape, and so even the nobles in other cities will know what is at stake. And so they will hear what happens next.

    "Do you think telling people how dangerous I am will undermine my rule? Is this your last desperate attempt to buy time? Telling them how many people I am willing to kill? Go ahead. You''re only cementing my rule. And so long as your little rev-, sorry, insurrectionists hear me end you, it will have the same effect. Because," he leans in to speak into the sphere himself, "If any other cities defy me, I will do the same to them. If only one city is left at the end of this, I will still be its ruler. And you will all be dead. So surrender. Tell them, Lillith of Endings. Tell them what you look like. Tell them what your desperate flailing resulted in. For you, and for all the innocent people around you. Or tell them to surrender. Your choice. Either way, your clever little call ends the same way. You think I would have given you that if I were afraid of what you were going to say to them?"

    "No," I reply, "I am not trying to undermine your rule. You are right, everyone is already afraid of you. Everyone is already terrified of the man who ends cities down to the last noble, child, and fucking baker. So terrified, many will only lose heart when you do it again. That would have the same effect. That would stop the people from fighting back. But you missed the fucking point. I am not pleading with them in an act of desperation. I want them to know even you can be killed, and so can everyone who has ever used overwhelming power to oppress them. I want them to hear the execution of the last king of Potestia.

    "You made a mistake, Darian," I practically spit. I feel so fucking sick. "You showed all those people below us their end. Their death. You announced that it is inescapable. You took hope from them. You gave them terror and took their hope. Do you know what that is doing to them? To the thousands of people looking up and seeing hell in the skies above them?"

    "What?" He asks with irritation. "Tell me what it''s doing and stop fucking stalling for a hopeless evacuation. I told you, I will only increase the range of the destruction. So get on with it. What is it doing to them?"

    I feel as sick as I ever have, but it''s an illness I have grown used to. Because it is an illness I have felt a thousand times before. Every single time I enter the Radiant Woods. I lock my eyes on his. "It is making them fucking grieve." At this, my force mana explodes from me, knocking Darian and his priests back like gnats and catching most of the molten rock over the city before it can fall. This isn''t the same fight as before. Because now, I have the advantage. My invisible mana expands further than the red, saturating the sky as the magma presses against it and I press back.

    Darian isn''t done yet though. He presses against my force with his gravity. I cool his magma by stealing his heat. But I am winning. Almost everywhere. Everywhere but the tall pillars of mana he allows to fall in the only places I can''t defend. Pillars where the vertical circles designed to disperse my grief mana point toward the sky. I surround these with heat mana, attempting to take the heat and cool them so they don''t spread. But people are dying. I can feel people dying. It makes me more powerful. It makes me more sick. I fucking hate it. I would rather have died with him. But at least it means Darian is only more fucked.

    I still hold the sphere, speaking so everyone who cares to listen can hear. "Today is the last day we suffer a king in Potestia."

 Chapter 51 - The Last Kings of Potestia

    Hugh

    Lillith of Endings. The Mage of Mourning. The serial killer hunting nobles. Her fianc�� died in Satusmor, but I thought nothing of it. Lord Godfrey claimed his head after all. He was treated as a hero for it. Then the campus incident happened. And who should be arrested for it but Lillith of Endings? The woman found to be responsible for hundreds of noble deaths all across the country. I don''t know how she did it. All anyone knows is she somehow lives in the Radiant Woods. The only thing that matters to me is the reality.

    The reality I realized, when everything came out. She was always an uppity bitch. She hasn''t known her place since I first met her. She has never known her responsibility. She would never have married Lord Baldwin. It''s a short leap to realize that Godfrey would have killed him years earlier if he could. Godfrey didn''t kill Baldwin. Lillith did. The monster wearing a woman''s skin. I don''t know how, but if she could kill the king, she could kill a city lord. And she could kill my father.

    I spent years hating the Manticorps. Thugs my father hired who supposedly turned on him. But they were innocent. They were always innocent. Victims of the same bloodthirsty whore as my father. My life was upended. I was barely able to gather the mana I needed to attend Facinley Academy and what happened? I wasn''t able to graduate. Because of Lillith''s massacre. Of course, no one believed I''d had a relationship with her when I first made the claim. But once she was revealed for her bloodthirst? Everyone believed it then. Any reason to torment me.

    And it all goes back to the death of my father. The murder of my father. The cold-blooded slaughter of the man who raised me. The man I so desperately wanted to be. The man I wanted to make proud. Murdered by a local guardsman''s daughter. I am certain of this now. And I won''t let it stand. I don''t care about anything else. I just want to ruin her. To hurt her. To make her feel like I do. I don''t know how I''ll beat her, but I will, somehow. I have been one of the only people willing to leave their home more than necessary for weeks. All to catch a hint of Lillith. I knew she would come back, even if I haven''t had much luck finding her. But finally, here she is. Causing enough of a commotion what with King Darian and almost a dozen priests sending their mana out everywhere.

    She is broken. She is bloodied. She can''t even stand without her mana anymore. She is an abomination. And she is still. Fucking. Joking. Still arrogant. Still not hurting like I am. I kneel just under the window, only daring the occasional peek at the group inside. "Wouldn''t kill you to show a little respect. That was my good arm, you know," she quips at her older brother. Henry, I think. She is being flippant about her own dismembered arm.

    "You''re not seriously going to try and fight still, are you?" Autumn protests. She''s the little twin bitch who always hung on Lillith''s arm. I hold back a growl. That means she is still in fighting shape, somehow. I suppose with enough mana, granted by a Collector-damned Duke, anyone can. I want to try and ambush her somehow. To take advantage of her wounds to finally fucking kill her. But my breath catches. My legs won''t move. My body knows what my mind wants to deny. Even in her current state, I will die if I try to fight her. I close my eyes and wait. It''s not long before I hear a loud clang, open my eyes, and see Lillith escaping me again. I failed my father again. I never had the chance to make him proud, but maybe that''s for the best. The man I became would never make him proud.

    She is gone, and it''s too late. "Well. Shit," Henry says inside, "What do we do now?" My breath catches. Maybe... Maybe it''s not too late after all.

    <hr>

    Godfrey

    There is fire in the sky. My grandson is a slave. And I am near death. It''s wrong. It''s all so wrong. Ansel betrayed me. He actually stabbed me in the back, the moment Dominic left. I creep through the palace, nursing my wounds. If it weren''t for my space magic, I would be dead now. My chambers are quiet as I turn the lock. The case waits on my bed. Ready to be used. I laughed when it was offered to me but...

    I am not fit to be king. I never was. I am a failure. A little commoner girl who organized my books is the only reason my home is anything more than ash and rubble. I glance at the book on my bedside table. Court the Court: Wenches Unsheathed Volume sixty-nine. I''m only halfway through. It was the deluxe edition, almost impossible to find. It had the fold-out... well it doesn''t matter. I''d been so looking forward to finding out how Adeline avoided discovery by the prince. I suppose I''ll never finish it now.

    It was a silly thing to indulge in anyway. Unbefitting of a king. But I suppose that falls in line with my short rule very well. Unbefitting. Too weak for the crown on my head. I open the case and retrieve the elegant staff. I can feel its power, radiating off it. Nothing like mana. Real, tangible divine magic. More than any priest I have ever met. If I give it an order, the world will comply. All it will cost is my life.

    Dominic will be a better king than me. I have always known that. He is who I always lied to myself about being. I wrap the staff in my tattered, bloody cloak, and surround myself in space mana. They said I needed to go somewhere high up. It''s not too late. I can still save this country.

    <hr>

    Edward

    "Today is the last day we suffer a king in Potestia," Lily''s voice announces over the sphere in Kallon''s hand. A red glow shines through the shattered window as our stalemate holds. Kallon glares at me.

    "Drop the spike, and let me through. I will let you live, for now, since it seems I am needed elsewhere," Kallon demands. He will let me live, if I let him hurt my sister. A traitorous part of me is tempted. I am afraid. I am so afraid. Part of me is in that alley with Henry. With an easy way to safety. I loathe that part of me. I hoped to kill what was left of it when I killed da- the other man. Apparently, I didn''t. Not all the way. Maybe I never will. But I don''t have to listen to him either. I look over my shoulder. I can see Lillith, in the sky over the city. Everywhere but here shadowed by the burning sky.

    She is pushing back. She is pushing hard. The fire above the city is slowly turning to stone, being crushed between Darian''s red mana and Lillith''s invisible. Lighter red mana continuously regenerates it as swirls of Lily''s bluish mana meet it to take its burn away. She is winning. I can''t make out Darian, but I can hear her speaking over the whisper sphere. I set my jaw and grip the spike. "You''re not going anywhere," I reply. I am not the boy that left his brother behind. I will show Lily. And someday, I''ll show Henry too. Kallon rolls his eyes.

    "Then I will walk around, you absolute moron. Ansel, kill him. Do your very best not to fuck this one up," he sighs, before standing. He looks at his captive in thought for a moment. Then towards the door, then back at the chained man. He groans. "Well, I see we have a problem. I have to kill one of you, don''t I? I obviously can''t take this to battle with your sister, not if she is capable of... that. And I can''t leave him with you. Ansel just... doesn''t have the history of follow-through I''d like. Well. I suppose he would be easier." He shrugs and begins to summon pink mana. I don''t know what it is, but I know I don''t have much time. I have to act. Whoever that man is, I am going to gamble on him.

    I throw the spike as hard as I can toward Kallon, who immediately reacts with an actual explosion of mana in my direction. It dissipates the second it reaches the spike''s sphere of influence, or rather, the second the spike reaches it. The stone shrapnel propelled by the explosion keeps flying, however, and cracks against the thick glass wall I began the moment I moved. "Ansel, kill him!" Kallon commands. His subordinate moves to obey immediately, fire rushing toward me as I dive for another of the scattered spikes. I don''t get a chance to examine its size as I pour mana into it, creating another bubble of safety. Another smaller bubble. Shit. But I did manage to grab a couple of larger ones. I just have to deactivate this one to use it. "You are starting to get on my nerves," Kallon growls.

    "Well, if there is one single thing I have always been good at," I reply. The thrown spike lies a few paces from him, but he is defenseless for the moment. Unable to attack. That still makes this a two-on-one, however, as Ansel and Kallon both eye me. Kallon also eyes the spike. We both move. I have to stop him before he moves it. He dives for the spike on the floor and I aim to close the distance when Ansel tackles me to the ground. I hear Lillith''s voice over the still-connected sphere.

    "We are not revolutionaries. We are insurrectionists. Every petty tyrant in Potestia has so much more to fear than a revolution. Because you will never kill one of us and remove the rest. You''ll never kill ten of us and solve the problem. You can kill me. You can destroy this city. You can kill a thousand of us, and you will still never feel safe again. It''s already too late. Potestia has already passed the point of no return," she says.

    I swing an elbow back into Ansel''s side. He grabs my hair and forces my head back, preparing to slam it into the marble floor. I release the energy in the spike and drill wind and glass shards into his side, forcing him off of me. I scramble to my feet and activate the spike again, only for stone shrapnel to collide with my side and tear into me. I''d moved enough to avoid most of the targeted blast but my injuries are accruing. It is still two-on-one, and my mouth is starting to taste like copper. At least I got a good hit in on that Ansel creep. A deep, sharp throbbing in my side complains of my need for rest and healing. A sharper voice reminds me why I can''t.

    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

    "How many more trades like that do you think you can survive?" Kallon asks.

    "One more than you," I quip, fighting back a cough of blood. Lillith''s voice keeps talking, motivating me to win.

    "We already know it is possible to fight back. Even if we lose ten times and win once, we still fucking won once. And the surface cracks. Your mask of invulnerability falls. You bleed, just a little. It was too late for all of you the moment the first one bled. Because everyone. Every single person in the country has seen you bleed. Has seen you learn to fear. Even if you kill me, and every person by my side, they will still have seen you bleed. That scar is proof you can be fought. And once people know they can fight you? It''s too late."

    She is right. I just have to make him bleed. I grit my teeth. His pink mana explodes again, firing sharp stones at me, and I am forced to both drop and release the spike so I can defend myself. I successfully block the attack again, but it seems it wasn''t his primary focus as stone walls surround the room when I get my bearings again, trapping us all inside. Fine with me. It will only slow him down if he decides to leave. I look around for Ansel, expecting him to come down on me at any time. All I see is a bloody pool where we previously fought. Again my sister''s voice rings through the room.

    "We know you can bleed. We know you can die. We know you can fall from your towers and crawl through the mud with the rest of us. And that''s the thing, Darian. Any noble listening to this, actually. You don''t have your mind control anymore. You don''t have your infallible and uncracked armor. You are no longer pristine and untouchable. And a new world? A better world? That is a dream that has been fostered in minds across Potestia since long before I was born. Long before I ever drew blood. It is the sweetest, kindest, and most pervasive dream in the world. It''s like honey and warm milk. Ambrosia of the heart. People have always wanted to fight for a better world."

    Kallon''s plan becomes clear as the room fills with water. He plans to drown me. I continue to look around for Ansel. The water reaches my ankles. It''s at the chained man''s knees. I run. I fill the room with glass walls to defend myself as I propel myself with wind. After a burst of wind throws me forward, I fill a spike with mana and drop it in the water. His explosions propel projectiles. I escape the sphere, propel myself, and fill another spike. Again I drop it in the water. I have one left. The water is up to my knees when I land, and up to the chained man''s waist. Lillith continues her speech.

    "The problem was, they couldn''t. They had no hope. They didn''t have control of their own mind, and when they did all they saw was an ivory wall they could never breach. That''s not true anymore. The wall is cracked. It can be climbed, breached, and brought low. Everyone who has ever dreamed of a better world can now see its light shining through your little wall. And it''s worth it. It is so worth it. All the pain and fear and death you threaten them with. It has always been fucking worth it! They have always been willing to face it, the moment they had any hope that it would lead somewhere."

    Ansel descends on me. I have no idea where he came from. He wraps his arms around my throat as I fill my final spike with mana. He has one arm around my neck, gripping his other arm which he uses to hold my head. He squeezes, and I struggle to breathe. Water fills the room even faster. Kallon, standing unconcerned in a pillar of air, untouched by his own water, gathers a huge amount of earth and pink mana. I realize he plans to kill us both and panic, releasing the spike''s effect and allowing my legs to give out beneath me. Ansel and I both fall into the water where I press against the ground, rolling and forcing his body between me and Kallon. Meanwhile, I try to build even thicker glass to protect us, and send wind mana out into the water around me. Lily''s voice grows more and more passionate, more and more angry as she continues to speak.

    "Well, there is hope now. So even if any of you manage to survive without surrendering power, all you''ll have won is a few decades. A few years. Weeks. Hours. Breaths. Even if you kill or enslave every rioter in the country. Even if you get your foot back on our throats and grind your heel, it will be too late. Because this is not revolution. This is insurrection. If ten people still want a better world, they will fight for it, and you won''t be safe. If five people still want a better world, you won''t be safe. If one person is willing to fight. You. Will. Not. Be. Safe. Don''t you understand? Everyone knows they can hurt you, and everyone is one cruelty away from deciding it is worth it. And you should be afraid. You should all be afraid. Because it will only take one wrong move. One mistake. And you will burn with all your wealth and power and little thrones in your little mountains. One false move, and you are dead."

    Kallon''s spell goes off. Glass shatters and fills the water. Stone cuts into Ansel, and into me as it tears through him. My wind mana starts to create whirlpools. The water around me is filled with misty red. The pain is almost muted by the water, like my skin is asleep as the stone ravages my body. It still hurts. As the whirlpools grow in strength, my own glass begins to shred my flesh as well. Ansel releases me and drifts away. And then... the plan works. The powerful swirling water catches the activated spikes and glass, momentum carrying the water as the wind mana dissipates. One of them gets just close enough. Kallon''s perfect sanctuary collapses around him.

    He was only watching me. Only watching my spike. Now water, glass, and blood close in on him, a perfectly mortal man. He killed his own ally. And I can still move. I grip the spike as I swim through the glass and the pain, letting the water''s current carry me to my target. He is still reacting to the water, now up to his chest and cutting him with the moving shards of glass, when I make it to him, and stab my remaining spike into his back, activating it as well. The next few moments are pain and confusion as the whirlpools tangle us together, assault us, and separate us. Finally, I gain my feet as the water slows, no longer fed by mana.

    I don''t hesitate. I move. I move to my new target before Kallon can recover. The chained man. I fill the keyhole at his neck with glass and turn, freeing him just as a massive explosion knocks me off my feet. "I''ll fucking kill you! No more of this shit! I am not playing your fucking game! This whole palace is fucking going down!" He shouts. There is screaming from another source. I guess he got the spike out more quickly than I thought. But it''s too late. The man I freed has a royal aura, and his mana is already surrounding Kallon. The water around Kallon freezes in an instant, holding him in place as heavy wood spears materialize and impale him from all directions. Just like that. He is dead. I look back at the man I freed, to see he is still screaming. Still summoning spears. Still impaling the corpse of our enemy.

    I reach one hand out cautiously, when a loud crack of thunder draws both our attention to the shattered window. The man grimaces, then sends a razor-sharp blade of wind to decapitate the already dead prince. Then we hear the smack of thunder again, and are compelled to wade through the remaining water to the window. The man easily dismantles the stone wall in our way with more wind blades, and the water begins to drain like a fall. Thunder strikes again, and again, and again. As we look outside, it becomes clear why. The sky is black and grey with crumbling stone, held up with thick, oppressive, invisible mana. The stone ceiling is marred with holes and scorch marks, leaving red wounds that still glow with dwindling heat.

    In the center of it all is a woman. A woman that I can barely make out, but she is an icon of fury, and terror, and grief. Lightning explodes from her at a rapid-fire pace as her mana disassembles the ominous stone above her. Again and again, angry bolts of electricity light the city, tearing through the stone at enemies beyond it. Counter-attacks of red mana and lava try to rain down on her but she bats them away like flies, all the while tearing away at the destructive cover around her. She is like an artist, painting the sky with carnage. It should have been death and horror, but as it flows across the sky like a brush stroke, lit with flashes of red and white light, it is instead beautiful.

    After one strike of lightning, a body falls, hitting the stone in the sky, getting caught, and joining the flow. Then another, and another, and another. Five in total. Corpses, swimming in a river of fire and grief in the heavens. The attacks from above slow, and Lily directs the stones out of the city, slowly revealing the clouds above, and her final opponent. The remaining man seems to be struggling. All his mana concentrates to one point and he begins a desperate charge. But it compresses around him, and finally collapses. Then both descend slowly until I can''t see them anymore.

    Lillith''s voice, which I had stopped listening to, speaks again, this time more quietly. "But you are not going to kill us all. You are going to lose. Today. You are never going to crush a city under your heel again. And I am going to show the entire city what happens to men who rule with fear." The sky then illuminates again, this time with a show of light mana. Two people slowly take shape in a massive replication of a scene on the ground. Darian. Beaten. Burnt. Convulsing with blood running out of his mouth. And my little sister. She is... a horror. Strips of loose flesh hang from her right shoulder. The blood has mixed with enough dirt to look solid. Her right leg has been replaced with twisted, spiked steel in a strange curve. Even her left foot seems to be summoned steel. Thick blood leaks around the brace that holds it in place.

    Her shirt is a bloody rag, right over her magic circle. I wonder if it has been permanently damaged. Her face, on the other hand. Her face is cold rage. She has tear streaks down the dirt of her cheeks. That old scar that always reminds me of my failures can be seen by the entire city. Darian is on the ground, twitching and writhing. Lillith grabs his hair and drags him. Her makeshift feet scrape silently against the stone as she marches toward a fountain, which appears in the sky as she approaches it. The whisper sphere floats behind her. As she reaches the fountain, she throws Darian against it, summoning steel to hold his hands and head in an elevated position against the stone.

    "No King will ever rule over us again. No king will crush us beneath his arrogance. No Kings. The people grieve under the weight of your crowns, and we will do it no longer." She summons a heavy steel crown and catches it in her remaining hand before fixing it on Darian''s head. Finally, she creates a massive axe, one any man would need two hands to wield. She raises it over her head as she stands to Darian''s side.

    "All hail the last king of Potestia." She swings and the country is finally free. The man next to me falls to his knees with no care for the glass that he lands in. He simply starts sobbing as the vision in the sky fades.

 Chapter 52 - Insurrection

    Emeric

    I''m not certain who I am anymore. Who I ever was. My faith mana has been shattered. I can''t access it anymore, and I''m not the only acolyte with this problem. I was so certain of everything, growing up. Of the Collector. Of the future he had for me, and of the service I had for him. Then the truth about Lord Baldwin came out. His... divine magic. What he did to so many people''s minds. And supposedly with the power of the Collector behind him. It didn''t make sense. It didn''t line up with the Collector I had grown up worshipping.

    But I pushed my doubts down. I endured. I was doing good work. Protecting children. I believed I was, anyway. For the last few years, faith has been dwindling to nothing. The temples have been emptying out, with fewer faithful every day. But this wasn''t a mere crisis of faith like the average noble might have. No, it was far more like the day after Baldwin''s death. People didn''t just question the Collector; they didn''t remember ever really believing in him in the first place. Like they came out of a fog and left their faith inside. At first, I had the horrifying belief that there were more nobles like him, controlling people with what should be the Collector''s divine magic.

    It lined up at first glance. Nobles were being hunted by some serial killer. Some said a monster. Others believed it was an agent of the church. But as more nobles died, so too did more commoners lose faith. It was a clear correlation. But so too was there a correlation between the missing slaves and the loss of faith. And neither made sense, really. If nobles were controlling commoners, it wouldn''t be to instill a love of the Collector. I couldn''t make sense of it. That is, until the murder of Father Medici. A murder committed by one of Baldwin''s victims, and one of my friends, apparently. The church was the first to spread the news amongst themselves. But what I found really remarkable was... people lost faith even faster.

    The church is a mess, now. Too many secrets were held by one man. Too much power. We were like a tapestry with a loose thread, unraveling all around the country. Too many secrets stopped being a secret. Until too many ranking priests, without order or direction, got too careless, or too angry. It was confession. All along, it was confession. The Collector never had any common believers. Just slaves to the priests'' divine magic. Divine. The magic of the Collector. I couldn''t stomach it. Most of the acolytes couldn''t. Most of us left. Many of us lost faith in the Collector altogether. And with it, we lost our endoaspect, and protection from the priests.

    And of course, our kings. Our kings, in their disputes, massacred Tumult. Now, the slaves are returning. And with them, they bring a way to dissipate all mana in an area. Without a pre-drawn circle. They are angry. They want change. And the warmth of the Collector was nothing more than a brand the entire time. The priests are the only ones left who can fight them now. The knights are useless without mana. The guards were overwhelmed as soon as the former slaves met up with detractors in the city. The nobles are mostly too terrified to fight. They hide in their safe rooms. Surrender, or occasionally fight and die.

    The priests would be the only ones who could stop them, if the temple weren''t burning down before their eyes. If I hadn''t lost my faith. I flare the fire mana around my hand as my former home lights up the city. I think I want to meet Lillith again. I want to thank her.

    <hr>

    Jean

    The Chapman family has stood strong for a hundred years. It will not end with me. I am the Lord of this city, and a few upstart commoners too proud of their magic will not be stopping me. I don''t care how many nobles have died. I don''t care what this ''Mage of Mourning'' can do. The rabble have grown too bold. Gathering outside my manor with their pitchforks, and torches and... maces and spears, apparently. Well, they are a well-armed mob, I''ll give them that. My whisper sphere starts gently vibrating, but I ignore it.

    "L-Lord Jean, what do we do? They''ve made it past the gate!" a frightened, sniveling little man reports as I fiddle with a chunk of magical ice.

    "Worry not, worry not, it''s all in hand. I swear, you guards are truly useless, aren''t you?" I dismiss. So what if recruitment fell when the Mage of Morning was active in the city? So what if a few meaningless pawns died? Does that mean you all stop doing your jobs? It should not be the duty of the city lord to personally silence dissent. I''ll have to see to it that their pay is docked even further. Why are we wasting money on a cowardly guard core? They haven''t even managed to replenish our slave labor, and now this? Look at the fear on this man''s face! "What have the other nobles been doing anyway? A half dozen barons should have ended this hours ago!"

    "Th-they''ve been captured! Or fled, or surrendered, or..." He trails off and I roll my eyes.

    "Your men can''t even report properly now? Perhaps we''ve been losing slaves because we are too sparing with the whip, on the guards, and on the product. There are nobles in the city with multiple generations of mana accumulation. You expect me to believe a muddle of common slaves with their own makeshift magic circle managed to cow them? Speak some sense, you coward!" I release a deep sigh as my whisper sphere continues to vibrate. "Answer that for me, and tell whoever it is I am busy. I will see to this myself."

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    I can smell smoke now. I can hear cries and chanting. These fools are actually out there setting fires and calling for my head. As I approach my front door, a brick flies through the window on its side. I frown slightly. I am going to have to find who did that, and make them eat the glass they broke. Perhaps that will help these serfs understand their place a little better. I casually open the door and step outside. There are dozens, maybe over a hundred rioters outside my front door.

    "All of you surrender now, and submit yourselves to slavery. Or you, your wives... Actually, you seem to have brought your wives with you. How quaint. Your children then, all of them will die. It will be slow. It will be painful. So surrender now," I order. A stone flies from the crowd and strikes my head, causing the world to spin a little. "I fucking warned you, you little shits!" I snarl, summoning all of my ice mana to crush them in a freezing death. Or... I try to summon it. It doesn''t come. I can''t feel any mana at all. The rioters advance.

    I take a step back, then another. What did these cowards do? Too afraid to fight fairly, are they? Another rock flies and hits me in the chest. Then another in the leg. "Stop this! Stop this now! Do you have any idea what you are doing?" I demand.

    A voice comes from behind me as if in answer and I look to see my terrified guard holding the whisper sphere.

    "You. Will. Not. Be. Safe." the voice threatens. I look back at the crowd, and my eyes widen.

    "No..."

    <hr>

    Jax

    We don''t have the numbers that some of the other cities have. Lord Anscom has been particularly cruel. Particularly brutal. Quick with punishment, and twice as severe. Only eight of us volunteered to return to our home and fight for it. Only three joined us when we arrived. No riots in the streets here. The people are too afraid. Too wounded. But if the Mage of Mourning taught us anything, it''s that we don''t need any more than that. We can''t make a big scene. But we can still end the suffering here.

    We grip our riot spikes as we creep through the lord''s estate. Lillith is right. The biggest mistake the Lords and Ladies of Potestia have ever made is arrogance. Pride. Building massive, luxurious monuments to their names and wealth. Everyone in a city knows where their lord lives. Everyone. They won''t let us forget it. They smear it across our faces as they tell us to live in the dirt and pretend to be happy and grateful. They hire and enslave us to maintain the beauty of their homes. They tell us all where they live. And now? Well, now they have no way to defend themselves from us.

    I worked in this mansion, when I was a slave. I lived every day in fear. Terrified when I passed the ornate doors leading to Anscom''s office. When the doors opened, one of us always felt the whip or the cane. It never mattered what we did. Someone would be made an example of each day. As we round a corner, a patrolling guard startles, but we are on him in a moment. We have been practicing for this, and my sword bites into his neck and Andrew''s hand covers his mouth. We lower him slowly to the ground and let the blood pool. No one needs to speak a word.

    And there it is. The dreaded office. The beautifully carved doors that always opened to pain. Well, they will again. One more time. I flex my trembling fingers around the hilt of my sword. Just a little further, and this city will know hope again. As we approach, a voice echoes through the door. My breath catches, but I remain calm. We were prepared for the possibility. If another guard comes, we will deal with it. For now, we just need to know how many we are dealing with inside. I steady my breath and listen. The voice is muffled, but feminine. I hold my breath and creep closer to the door, until I can finally make out the woman''s words.

    "A few years. Weeks. Hours. Breaths. Even if you kill or enslave every rioter in the country. Even if you get your foot back on our throats and grind your heel, it will be too late. Because this is not revolution. This is insurrection. If ten people still want a better world, they will fight for it, and you won''t be safe. If five people still want a better world, you won''t be safe. If one person is willing to fight. You. Will. Not. Be. Safe."

    I haven''t actually interacted directly with the Mage of Mourning many times. But I still remember when she pulled me out of this city. When she killed the man who bought me from Anscom like some kind of cattle. I know her voice. He is on a whisper sphere with Lillith of Endings. I don''t know why, but it''s enough. He is alone. It is his turn to fear the opening of this door. I don''t need to kick it in. I don''t need to tear through the building. So I calmly approach the door, and drive a riot spike into the wall. Slowly, like I''m hanging a painting. I activate it and turn the handle. Inside, Anscom sits at his desk and looks at us with surprise. He thrusts a hand out at us and... nothing happens.

    "Hello, master," I greet.

    <hr>

    Troy

    "Do not fear these common slaves. These terrorists. Do not fear what they will do. They are weak. Emboldened by the Mage of Mourning. Pushed beyond their means by a single brash woman. But do you know why we don''t have to fear them?" I ask, addressing the soldiers under my command. "Do you know why they will flee from us? Why we will have them back in chains where they belong without a single casualty on our side? Why I know they are nothing more than bluster?" My assistant tries to get my attention but I ignore him. Now is not the time.

    The rank and file are nervous. We have never had an uprising like this before. Hopefully, we never will again. But they are listening. "Because the man they sent to help set our city straight is a hero. The mage they sent to heal the wounds caused by the Mage of Mourning is fearsome and terrible. He is not just a noble, worthy of respect. He is not a simple mage, fresh from the academy as he may be. He is a warrior. A man to be feared. And he is. Feared by all of his opponents. To include Lillith of Endings, or as you may know her, the Mage of Mourning. He is, in fact, the only man she ever fled from. The only mage she was too afraid to fight. And he is here with us today," I announce to cheers.

    Again my assistant waves at me, moving up to me to try and whisper in my ear but I wave him off, trying to finish rallying the troops. "And soon, soon he will join us, and help us put these far too brave children back in their chains!" No longer willing to be waved off, the man I have been ignoring finally just announces his news out loud.

    "No, Captain Troy. He is not. That is what I have been trying to tell you. Lord Ralf has fled the city."

 Chapter 53 - Goodbye, Old Friend

    Lillith

    I let out an exhausted breath. I feel like a dried out can of paint. Darian is dead. Victory cost an arm and a leg, but it was still victory, and the whole country knows it. I am so tired, and in so much pain. If it weren''t for the blood of the headless corpse next to me, I''d be tempted to take a cat nap on this damn fountain. I''d love to pack it up and go home for the day, but there is still so much work to do. So many people must have died in the areas I couldn''t protect. I warned as many people as I could. But my sound mana wouldn''t reach everywhere, especially not the centers of the dispersal circles.

    There are people that need help. And, unfortunately, there are still dangerous elements in the city. I don''t know where Godfrey or Kallon are. Or any other mage that might decide what they just witnessed was a job opening. Godfrey was king last I checked, so it''s possible he is dead. Kallon too, for all I know. But... I have to know. I also don''t know if Edward is alive, or what happened to my father. I take a step and let out an agonized grunt as the poorly constructed prosthetic bites into barely healed skin at the new end of my leg. Fuck. Just call me Lillith of Endings a little too early. Yeah, I think floating around with force mana may be the way to go for a bit.

    Accordingly, I lift myself from the ground with mana and release the tension on my legs. The pain doesn''t fade, nor does the migraine it is bringing with it. In fact, as the green mist fades from my system, the pain is presenting itself more urgently, like a child desperate for attention. It is growing more difficult to focus on anything else. But focus I must because life isn''t fair and god is dead. Or maybe because I give a shit. One of the two. Either way, I have to ignore the protests of my abused body and move as quickly as I can. I decide to head toward the palace, considering it the most likely place to find any remnants of royalty on either side, and probably where Ed ended up.

    I still feel sick. The city is filled with pillars of igneous rock, anywhere a circle was drawn on the ground instead of a wall. They can be seen for miles, surrounding the great tree of the Radiant Woods. The tree which is probably, finally, unguarded. I could sure use a path to Sara''s hat shop from there. I know not enough people escaped. This was too heavy a cost. This was not what I planned. I may have won, but it was a heavy victory. A victory with thousands of casualties. I can feel they didn''t escape. My grief mana is still being fed far more than it should. The death in the sky is gone. The man who was threatening them is dead. But they are still grieving.

    I still feel like a corpse. Any sense of accomplishment is strangled by the cost. All I can feel is miserable. My girlfriend is literally locked up in a dungeon. My brother is in danger. I am surrounded by the pained wailing of the families of the dead. And I am missing a few pieces. The shreds of loose flesh hanging from my wounds still sting somehow. I am starting to suspect Darian was unqualified to be performing amputations. I keep moving anyway, focusing on the palace in the distance. I feel like I am moving urgently. I am halfway across the city, only a few moments after killing Darian. But I''m not. Not enough. A bright, furious light shines from the highest tower of the palace. At the same time, the world grows muddy around me, like the air itself is made of wet sand.

    Everything seems to blur and I feel a sense of... rejection. Like I have become unwelcome in my body. I mean, I can''t blame it, considering what my choices have done to it. Still, it''s my body. I can''t be unwelcome in my own body. My skin begins to vibrate like the city around me has turned into some kind of shady carnival ride. I fix my eyes on the light. It''s not mana. I can feel that in an instant. That feeling of too much blood being drawn starts in my fingers and crawls up my arm. Divine magic. Or nexus energy. Whatever you want to call it, I recognize the feeling instantly. It brings me back to a bedroom, years ago where a dead man tried to hurt me with it.

    Now I truly move. I hadn''t realized how much I was letting the pain and misery distract me before. I owe Ed an apology for that when I see him. Because I don''t know what is happening, but it is some of the most powerful divine magic I have ever felt. And I can feel that I do not want whatever it is trying to do to me. I have something of a spider sense for that sort of entitled ill intent trying to control me. I call it ''being a woman''. I increase the power of the force mana propelling me and fly back into the air where I can easily avoid any of the horizontal circles still trying to limit my abilities. The vertical ones are easy to avoid now, at least. Even if the reason makes me sick to my stomach.

    I need to use air mana to prevent air resistance as the speed I travel threatens to send me back to unconsciousness. I feel phantom limbs curl in pain as the excruciating protests of my injuries try to slow me down. I have no time to be slowed down. I have come too far. Too many people have lost too much. Whatever this is, I will stop it. The light grows brighter as I approach and the world swims into itself, like I''m looking at it from underwater. I see visions of similarly confused allies across the country. Volunteers, staggering. I see Autumn, my mother, and even Ed, who I am pleased to see alive, if heavily injured. These flash before my eyes at lightspeed as I travel. It feels like ages but it is only a few seconds before I arrive at the source, standing on top of an open watchtower.

    It''s Godfrey. Of course it is Godfrey. This was always coming. I knew it was coming. I kind of hoped it wouldn''t, but I knew it would. He is tightly gripping a tall staff, the source of the bright light. I slow and hover over the tower, catching his desperate, pained eyes. He sees me as well, and falters, the light dissipating for a moment. The world rights itself as he does, and I can see tears running down his cheeks, sparkling in his beard.

    "Nice walking stick, Gandalf. Whatcha doing with it?" I ask. He sighs.

    "As usual, I have no idea what in the three planes you are talking about," He replies. "What... happened to you? Lillith... you look worse than I do."

    I look down at my right shoulder. "Fell down the stairs," I answer glibly. "Come on, man. What is that? I don''t remember you being a divine mage. If you had the kind of power I just felt, Baldwin never would have given me any trouble. Hell, I''d never have met you at all. What are you doing?" He looks down, weariness evident in his shoulders and head. He seems to be favoring his left side as well.

    "Does it matter?" he asks. "I can just go somewhere else, you know. With my space mana. I''ll be gone in an instant. You can''t stop this, no matter what it is." I raise an eyebrow at him.

    "Well, see, I don''t think that''s true," I dismiss.

    "And why is that?" he probes.

    "Well, old man," I begin, "if that were true, you wouldn''t have started here in the first place. I''m fairly certain you saw my own light show a moment ago. Yet you still chose this spot for your own. Why start here in the first place if you had no reason to? It just drew my attention."

    Godfrey sighs again, leaning against the stone side of the tower. "Perhaps I didn''t know it would be so visible," he offers.

    I laugh, then lower myself to sit on the same stone lip he is leaning against. "That would honestly be hilarious, and I kind of hope it''s the case. But it wouldn''t matter. Because, well, that''s not how space works, I''m afraid," I inform him. He looks at me with a furrowed brow.

    "What do you mean by that?" he asks and I shrug.

    "Space. You said it was space mana, right? Well, space doesn''t allow physical matter to move instantaneously. Only information, really. And the aspects you would need to make that work, never mind the mana quantity, are beyond even you. Basically, you can''t go anywhere because your space aspect is bullshit," I lecture. He laughs humourlessly.

    "Lillith, I have been using space mana for longer than you''ve been alive. I know how space works," he replies.

    "You thought you knew how space works," I correct. "Now you know you were wrong. Even if you can get it to work, it''s going to take a lot more out of you." He shakes his head.

    "You think I will just take your word for it? How would you even know that? An apprentice telling me my aspect is wrong isn''t going to break it, Lillith," he retorts.

    "Yeah. Yeah, it will. Maybe not entirely, but doubt and mana aspects don''t mix well. And here''s the thing. You and I share a fatal weakness. A weakness a lot of people have paid for in blood, I think," I answer, gesturing to the ruined city behind me. Godfrey looks down toward the palace with some trouble of his own on his mind.

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    "We are friends, of a sort," he guesses. "We respect each other. We want to believe in each other on some level. We will gamble on what the other does. Is that what you mean?" I nod, then grimace.

    "You tried to get the circle to work, didn''t you?" I hazard my own guess. He looks down in guilt. "Well. Did you?" He shakes his head.

    "I managed to fake it. To fool the other nobles. By using it on a stone tablet, and enlisting priests to stop it from destroying itself. It made for a good show. But no. It never truly worked." he answers honestly. "How did you get it to work for you?"

    I shrug. "I''m not sure. I kind of didn''t. It''s sort of been killing me, lately. Just a delayed reaction for some reason," I reply. He rubs the back of his head.

    "So it really was hopeless all along," he responds. "I''ve been a fool. A coward. As terrible a king as all who came before me."

    "Kings always are," I reply. It breaks my heart to know he actually did what I thought he might. So reckless. So... evil. He''s always had a little of that noble entitlement, just under the surface. I remember the anger that used to bubble up at the wrong joke. But I still wanted to believe in him. He was my friend. But now... now he is just another king that needs to die. Still. Ed is still alive, it seems. We have a moment. "I don''t suppose you have another wineskin on you?" I ask.

    He laughs, and pulls just that out of his robe, tossing it to me. I catch it easily, only slightly aided by force mana, and open it to take a drink. "I don''t suppose you have a danish?" he counters. I chuckle.

    "Sorry, had it in my other hand," I reply, before tossing the skin back to him for his own drink. "So. What''s it do?"

    He looks wearily at the staff, still standing upright entirely on its own. "It sets things right. Or so I''m told. Grants a deeply held desire. A wish, if you will. I remember your fondness for fairy tales. It has a century''s worth of divine magic stored in it. All to set things straight. To bring my people back to Potestia. To make it whole again. It will cost me my life. But it will make my country whole again. And Leave Dominic in charge to heal it," he answers. I sniff.

    "We never should have been friends, should we?" I ask. "Look what it''s left us with. What it''s done to the people around us. Both of us, so desperate to convince the other to change something that never will. And here we are. You know I can''t let you do this, right?"

    He nods as he moves close to me, this time handing me the wine instead of tossing it. I take another drink. "But I still have to do it, you understand. You''re right. I can''t flee. But it doesn''t matter. It''s already started. It will protect me from you, until it''s done. That''s what they told me anyway. I''m sorry. I know you believed you were helping. But look out there. You are as dangerous as I am. This country is better off whole, and without either of us in it." He finishes by holding a hand out, and I return his wine.

    "So. Why did you stop when I showed up?" I question. He smiles at me.

    "We have a weakness, you and I," he echoes. I nod.

    "So it will stop me from harming you, will it? And what if I try to use it instead?" I ask. His eyebrows try to reach his hairline.

    "I... don''t know. But I won''t stop what I am doing, even if you do. And it will kill us both," he replies uncertainly. I look up at the sky for a moment. There are specks of ash in the air from my last fight. Then I look over my shoulder at the ruined city. Finally, I shrug, and hop down, landing painfully on my makeshift legs. I look skeptically at Godfrey for a moment, then try to pick him up with force mana. Light flickers from the staff dissipating my mana before it reaches him.

    "Well, fuck. Had to try," I lament. Then I wrap my one hand around the staff. "I guess we are going to see what happens." Godfrey looks at me with glassy eyes, before hobbling over and placing his hand a little above mine.

    "Goodbye, Lillith," He says. "Thank you for giving me my life back, for a while. I''m sorry I was a disappointment afterward." I nod.

    "Goodbye, Godfrey," I reply. "I wish... different choices had been made. Maybe in another life, we can be a different kind of friend. People that have any right caring about each other."

    "Do you think there are other lives, after this one? Doesn''t seem like the sort of thing you would believe."

    "Yeah, well. I have a good feeling about this one."

    We both begin to pour our wills into the relic. The light returns, divine magic enveloping us both. I feel the discomfort of his will, but also the familiarity of my own. I immediately know the answer to my question. I can feel it, and so can Godfrey. Only one ''wish'' will be granted. It''s not like a genie, either. It won''t bring back the dead or grant eternal life. But it will allow one of us, whoever wins this battle of wills, to bend the world a little.

    The vision Godfrey pours into it is ambitious. All the refugees from Potestia returned. Healthy. Safe. But here, and under the rule of Dominic. And me, gone. I suppose he doesn''t need that bit anymore. I don''t think either of us is likely to walk away from this alive. But the magic responds to the intent. I feel it all around me like a thousand leeches. Again I see flashes of the changes he tries to make in the world. Kallon is dead, I see that with my own intent. I need a counter ''wish''. Something to direct my will toward.

    I can''t bring back the dead. I don''t need the buildings back. No. Kallon and Darian are dead. Dominic... Dominic seems to be with Ed. Something tells me I don''t want him gone. I''d like to help save the injured, but as I try to push that will, I realize my chances of winning dwindle. I need something smaller. Something easier to focus on than Godfrey''s. Otherwise, it will be too close a call, too large a gambit.

    There is one thing I want. One thing that fits. Someone. Godfrey''s intent has to span the entire globe. It has to take the will away from thousands of people. Mine is far more simple. Mine is focused on a single woman, in a single town. He pushes, and I push back. I watch him age before my eyes and wonder if I am doing the same. I don''t feel like I am. I wonder if that means I am winning, or losing.

    I see the life draining from him, when suddenly the hatch leading to this tower opens and Ed pops out. Godfrey and I both look at him, neither of us able to stop what we are doing. Ed climbs up, probably responding to the same spectacle and feeling I did. Once he makes it up, he turns and waits. A moment later, Dominic appears, propelled by wind magic. He, too, is missing an arm. Is there something in the fucking water or what?

    "Grandfather," he immediately calls. "Grandfather, stop this. Stop this now!" Godfrey turns to look at him, but his will remains just as strong. "I won''t be king, and I think you know you can''t be either. Grandf- Grandpa, It''s over. Please. I... I saw how you fought in that battle. I know what you did to make it happen. We''ve already failed our dreams for the future. We have to let this go." That''s all it takes. My will starts rapidly overtaking Godfrey''s. The vision Godfrey was projecting starts to go dark with a few words from his grandson.

    Godfrey looks over at his grandson with a weary, hopeful smile. "I know. I know I can''t be king. I know I am a disappointment. I am so, so sorry, Dominic. But you... you can be. You can be better than me. You are better than me. When I''m gone... when the people are back, you can be the king I failed to be. You can heal the damage Darian and I have done," he pleads. His vision of the future grows a little brighter, until water runs down Dominic''s cheeks and he shakes his head.

    "No," he replies. "No, I can''t either. Don''t you see? I wasn''t any better than you out there. I let people get hurt because of my confidence. Because of my lack of attention. Because of my failures. I killed a man, same as you. A man on my side, who trusted me. Maybe the reason was different. But that makes no difference to him. He is still dead, because he counted on my power to keep him alive and I got overwhelmed too easily." Godfrey begins to look more desperate.

    "But ruling the kingdom won''t be a battle, and you are a good man. Every man makes mistakes. Every woman. That doesn''t mean we should give up!" His control over the future he is trying to manifest begins to waver and I keep pushing. I can see in Dominic''s eyes that he is not going to be king. I don''t need to say a word. Godfrey and I are having our own silent conversation via the nexus.

    "But that''s the problem. I would rule the same way I fought. I haven''t lived the lives of our people. That''s what I was missing in that fight. I am still a child. I didn''t understand the fear everyone else felt. I didn''t even understand Kallon''s anger. Your apprentice is right. We will never win a better future from a richly decorated throne. People in the streets count on our understanding of their lives to survive. They count on our empathy. On our decisions, so clouded by the insulation of our own safety. One bad day, and a life can end because of my decree. Another man on the end of my spear because I got overwhelmed. A kingdom can''t sit on the foundation of a single man. And if I''m the best option they have? Well. When it was my turn to stop the end of a city, I couldn''t do it. Let it go. Maybe it''s time to give this woman''s vision a chance," Dominic suggests, gesturing at me. "Maybe the people should build their own better future."

    Godfrey''s tears flow more freely. His wrinkles deepen as the reality he is trying to create crumbles into dust and only my will remains on the relic. He fixes his eyes on his grandson and smiles. "Thank you, Dominic," he says. "I am glad you are safe. I love you." It was as easy as that. Dominic doesn''t want to be king, and Godfrey''s vision for the future collapses. I feel his life draining out of him as he resigns himself to failure. I can see it in his eyes. It''s not a sorrowful resignation. With his grandson''s change of heart, Godfrey''s regrets die, and he slumps against the staff before letting it go and crumpling to the ground in a weary heap. He looks between me and Dominic. He looks like he has one final thing to say but his lip quivers, unable to vocalize whatever it is, until his last breath leaves his chest and the quivering stops. He is dead. It hurts, but it''s a relief as well. Because, well. I would have had to kill him. He started as my friend, but he became something too dark to leave alone. And I wouldn''t have. He needed to die. And I needed to kill him. It sucks that it hurts anyway. I hate when I love the people that hurt other people. I have to try not to think about it.

    I try to withdraw my own will, but it''s too late. It''s already working. I look over at my brother and my friend''s grandson. Then I shrug, just before I feel myself fall into the world like the ground is water. There is nothing but bright color and confusion for several moments... but I don''t die. Instead, I find myself exactly where I have wanted to be for a long time. No longer in Visenar. Instead, I am in the Kingdom of Endings.

 Chapter 54 - Sapphic Murder Power Couple

    April

    I hurry to Sarafyna''s holding cell. Something is very wrong. Finally, finally, Rune has left. The sage breathing down our necks is gone. He seemed irritated and resigned when he left. Whatever he wanted from our prisoner, he clearly didn''t get it. Considering the child is supposedly some sort of government higher-up, he waited here far longer than I would have thought reasonable. Far longer than I had expected. I was growing to worry he actually would get through to the girl.

    Even when he did leave, I could feel his reluctance. Well, it''s no surprise he failed. The girl lived alone in the Radiant Woods for years, I''m told. She is a stubborn one, nearly as stubborn as Lillith herself. It makes sense the two would form an unnatural relationship with each other. Rune leaving was a weight off my shoulders. We needed his help to capture her, but once that was done... he became a danger to us. It was for an hour, anyway. Until the guards on the woman''s cell failed to check in at an appropriate time. It''s not impossible one of them fell asleep. But the timing. The timing is too suspect.

    I can''t help but worry Rune has somehow taken her with him. I don''t understand how his magic works, other than it being similar to the priests of the Collector. I''ve been growing more and more worried about this the longer he insisted upon staying in the kingdom. I knew he would have to leave eventually, but the more obvious his interest in Sarafyna became, the likelier it was he would try to take her with him. His interest certainly helps explain the extent to which they were willing to help us. But we need her. We need her to help us travel to Potestia and back. To truly be a kingdom. I am in no hurry for this, which is my greatest advantage over Lillith and Rune. But I need her to still be here if I want to persuade her over time.

    I can hear some commotion in the center of town. All the guards we have are rushing to the same spot. I consider changing course but... Rebecca knows where I am going, she will deal with this. Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, the damn child got in my head. Every time I have visited Sarafyna for a month the hairs on the back of my neck have risen. A nameless anxiety grips me when I am alone in the room with her. It was all just bluster, I know that. But... ''time to scream'' is what she had said. I just can''t get it out of my head. I jump at shadows. I wake up covered in sweat. I feel so foolish. But I do, nevertheless, feel compelled to make sure she hasn''t escaped.

    I descend the stairs to the underground cell and gasp as I turn the corner. I was worried Rune had taken her with him. Now... Now I am forced to hope he has. The door has been... shredded like paper. The steel door. Even worse, whatever tore through it seems to have caught one of the guards as well. His body is now in three separate pieces, discarded in a pool of blood and twisted metal. Time to scream, she had said. Time to scream. I have to hope Rune did this before leaving. I spend a long moment deciding whether to flee now or to check if the cell is empty. I know someone has to, but all of my instincts tell me to turn and run as far as I can.

    But I have to. I have to know. I don''t know what is going on upstairs, but I have to check. If it is something serious, having Sarafyna loose will only make it worse. But we have been increasing her poison dosage steadily. She should be incapacitated. I have to trust she has been incapacitated. I have to look. I take one step forward, then another. A little at a time I move. I grimace as I take my first step in the blood. There is dirt and gristle floating in it and I am soon to lose my lunch. But I do eventually make it to the door and peer inside.

    It looks empty. Completely black and cold. No sign of movement whatsoever. I sigh in relief. Rune took her. He killed that guard. She is probably long gone, by now. I am safe. It''s fine. I am safe. Time to scream. The words echo in my head and my heart beats faster. The hall around me goes black as well and I take a sharp breath. There is a flicker of white in the corner of my eyes and I jerk to look in the direction I had come from. I can''t see anything, the entire hall is now pitch black. That doesn''t make sense. The stairs aren''t far, and it is daylight outside. Some light should be making it down here, even if all the torches went out at once.

    Then I see it. A smile. It is wide, brilliantly white, and it sticks out against the dark background. Like it is the only source of light. My breathing speeds up. There is another smile, this one with too many teeth. Another appears a moment later with razor sharp, pointed teeth. And another, and another. One even has mandibles like a massive spider. All of them seem to glow in a way I don''t understand. Until they all start speaking at once. As they open I can see the light, and the stairs on the other side, through the mouths. As the light reaches me, I see what I am facing. It is like a wall of flesh, covered with strange seams where I think it may open in some way. The speaking mouths are the only vaguely human feature about it. Well, them and the auburn hairs dispersed throughout.

    I take a step back and trip, falling into the pool of blood, and retching as I panic and try to crawl away. As I desperately try to think of a way to escape this... horror, ''She will give you time to scream'' are the only words I can come up with.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    I am in the Kingdom of Endings. There are shocked, horrified, and mildly disgusted faces all around me. I''m a bit surprised myself. For one I am, notably, not dead. I''m fairly certain the staff was supposed to kill me. It killed Godfrey and my man''s wish went decidedly unanswered. That thought re-ignites a confusing cocktail of emotions, and I decide catching up on my current situation is more important. It didn''t kill me like it was supposed to. Well, either that or I am an incredibly lively corpse. Alright, a slightly more lively corpse than average. It''s been a long day. Either way, my money is on ''I''m not dead'', which is usually a safe bet for anyone capable of making it.

    So the staff is apparently not always so deadly. Perhaps it is the relative size of my wish when compared to Godfrey''s. He was trying to steal thousands of people from their homes, all across the continent. I just wanted a girlfriend. A specific girlfriend, and a pretty fucking amazing one, but still. It wasn''t a big ask. Although, I suppose an argument could be made that mine was... sort of granted and his wasn''t, which may constitute an actual greater ask on my side. Except, killing me wasn''t the only unreliable result. I didn''t want to come to the Kingdom of Endings. I was sacrificing my life in a battle of wills with an old friend and powerful enemy. I needed a strong but focused desire to push against his.

    Actually visiting the Kingdom of Endings? I''m a pretty persuasive bitch sometimes but I don''t think I could sell that as desirable, even to myself. No, I wanted to bring Sara home. The wish I was pushing with everything I had was for Sara to be brought to safety. I mean, I guess firing me at the Kingdom of Endings like a particularly attractive torpedo counts in a way but... I don''t know. This is like the Ikea of genies. Wish granted, some assembly required. I guess I have to hope someone sets the relic aside for when I am back. I will either study it or give it a stern talking to about this ''quiet quitting'' attitude. For now, people are responding to my presence.

    About a dozen guards, some in uniform and others only holding weapons and armor over civilian clothes, circle around me. Spears, pikes, bows, and of course mana threaten me from all directions. I, on the other hand, am three-fifths the woman I once was and am standing on painful slabs of steel held in place by blood-greased braces. The guards part so one of the stewards can approach me. Rebecca gapes at me with wide eyes. They all have whisper spheres here, although I am not certain if my call made it here or not. I willed it to call every sphere in Potestia, and this may not count. Either way, she is clearly surprised to see me.

    "Q-Queen Lillith, I see you have finally returned to us," she greets and I smirk.

    "Happy to see me, I''m certain. Where is your friend?" I ask. The guards shift uncomfortably, mumbling to each other. I give them a glance but keep my focus on Rebecca.

    "April is... seeing to a guest," she answers timidly. I tilt my head at her. "You don''t look well, Queen Lillith. Are you certain you are in any shape for the, uh, conversation we were planning to have when you finally made it here? You look like you could use more than a little medical attention. Sarafyna is in good health, I trust? As long as you have her you will be alright. Right?" She is trying to hide a threat in that, which is pretty clear. But it worked a whole lot better from an unpassable distance.

    "Thank you for your concern, Rebecca. I am feeling a little under the weather, but don''t worry at all. I remain perfectly capable. If I might offer a bit of a suggestion of my own, I do think you should probably suck my dick," I respond with a saccharine smile. I turn to address the guards, all of whom seem confused about whether they should be pointing weapons at me or not. "Good news, everyone," I announce. "I have no way of knowing to what extent you were all involved in abducting, imprisoning, and hurting Sarafyna. The woman I am in love with. Rebecca here was involved directly, I know that much. And so Rebecca here is about to die. The good news is, while she tried to threaten someone I love very much, she tried to do it with subtlety. Which at least implies innocence on your part. In other words, I will allow everyone but her to run the fuck away from me while I end her."

    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

    The group does falter but no one runs right away. "You abandoned them, Lillith," Rebecca announces proudly. Or... proudly on the surface anyway. A tremor in her voice reveals she is less confident than she is pretending. "I have been caring for them in your absence. Providing them the leadership you denied. They won''t abandon me now because of the wild claims of a delirious woman in need of medical attention. Queen or not." I give her another sweet look, like a southern housewife offering a home-cooked meal.

    "I''m so sorry, I am actually talking to everyone else here right now. I''ll kill you in a minute, don''t worry. In the meantime, you really can just go ahead and suck my dick." Again I address the guards. "I have had a pretty shitty day. I feel like I''ve been through a garbage disposal. I had to watch someone I love die and felt relief about it. My mom thinks I''m a changeling, my dad tried to kill me, and you know what? I wasn''t going to mention this but fuck it. I am currently in year eleven of my longest dry spell ever which only makes me crankier every day, and my girlfriend is chained up in a dungeon somewhere at this woman''s command. The reason she is not already dead is because I am tired and I don''t want any accidental collateral. So I am saying one more time, run while I kill your fucking boss."

    "Lil-" Rebecca starts, but she is interrupted by a woman''s agonized screaming. It cuts deep to the bone and instills a fear in everyone, even me, that abandons most after childhood. The shrieking continues until the woman creating it literally runs out of breath, her expression of pain threatening to suffocate her. This may be a relief if it frees her from whatever is causing her to create that noise. Rebecca looks at me with unadulterated terror and I sigh. I was hoping to spare Sara from this temptation.

    "Well," I finally say. "It sounds like my girlfriend is free now. And I bet you are next on her list. You have two choices. You can wait here, and use these men as shields until she gets here, or you can let them go and I will handle it. But if you want my advice? Well. I kill quickly." At this, more than half the men around us turn, then run. Only a few remain, uncertainly holding their weapons in quivering hands and crowding around my target. I keep my eyes locked on hers. As the scream picks up again, Sara apparently having allowed her victim to catch her breath, Rebecca breaks and nods.

    "G-go," she says. "It''s alright, you can all go." That''s all it takes. The remaining guards immediately flee. "Alright, they are gone. But please, before you do it, let me-" I crush her head with force mana and lift myself up to go in the direction of the screaming.

    <hr>

    Sarafyna

    Rune is gone. Rune is finally gone. I felt his presence fade. And I am finally strong enough to control my body again. It is time to return to Annie. To help her heal. To heal alongside her. Escaping the cell was easy enough, without Rune watching and with my abilities back. They are more than back, actually. I am stronger than ever. More ready to fight than ever. I feel like I felt before Annie found me in the Radiant Woods. Angry. Tired. And I miss my home. My home with Annie I never managed to move into. I want to make these stewards pay like I want to make the priests pay.

    So after I tear my way out of the cell, killing one guard with two claws and grabbing the other with a fleshy tentacle, dissolving him like a stone in acid, I wait. I wait and I watch. As I wait, I feel Annie. Fighting reality all on her own. I don''t understand it, but I have to lend her my power. I wonder if she is fighting priests, nexus mages trying to kill her. It''s no matter. She can draw life from me. I give her everything she needs, and it almost feels like she is tugging on me. Trying to pull me to her, but it feels dangerous. So I pull back instead, until the tension disappears and I can feel she is safe. I sigh in relief. I wish she would stop doing that, but I will see her soon.

    It is maybe half an hour before a worried April comes storming down the stairs. I watch her through a dozen eyes as I slither across the ceiling, I watch as she hesitates to check on me or flee. I watch as she worries about her dirty shoes. I watch as she sighs in relief when she fails to find me. And I move. I drip from the ceiling like grease and make a curtain of flesh across the exit, throwing her into complete darkness. I am so furious. And I feel sick. Sick because I am angry and... sick because I am excited. I am looking forward to making her pay.

    I can''t help but smile. And smile again, and again, and again. Different mouths form across my body, all grinning at the woman before me. The woman who hurt me. The woman who left Annie without me. I can''t help but smile with everything I am as she cowers before me. I open my mouths to speak. Only some of them are capable, but all of them move. They let the light behind me through and cast shadows of a thousand teeth on April''s terrified face. She falls into the blood she was so reluctant to step in.

    "I hate this about myself, you know?" I ask her. "I don''t want to want to hurt you. I don''t want to picture what I am about to do to you as I try to sleep. I don''t want to wonder if it is simply too far. But you... you locked me up again. I hate being trapped. I hate being alone. The terror that I''ll never see my loved ones again. The taunting and the smirks from the people who took me from a time when I was happy. I can''t bear it. I couldn''t bear it once, and I can''t bear it twice. The cruelty. The manipulation. The sickness. And you knew. You knew I had been through this before. That I was only able to cope with it because of the tools Annie taught me. You knew. You knew I relied on a feeling of absolute safety just to sleep. Just to avoid visiting that lonely hopelessness with every waking moment."

    She is begging me for something. Pleading. Apologizing. She doesn''t even see the blood anymore. She doesn''t care. She just wants to be spared. Well. So did I. "And then there is Annie. Or, I''m sorry, Lillith," I continue. As I do, tendrils of flesh creep along the ground and wrap around her ankles, forcing a terrified whimper from her.

    "I''m sorry, I just... I''m sorry, please..." she pleads.

    "Lillith. A woman you knew I was in love with. Who needed me. That was the line you really shouldn''t have crossed. She was in pain. She was dying. She was desperate, and she needed me. Over and over again she went to bed suffering. Over and over again she died. And she didn''t have to. But you wanted to use me. You wanted to own me. You wanted me to help you like she was helping you. Because you wanted to be a little queen of a little kingdom." I drag her across the floor, and she rolls over, desperately trying to crawl away from me. I keep dragging. Teeth, nails, talons, and claws all sprout from the same place at the bottom of my curtain. Right where I am dragging her. They begin to click against each other and gnash with a wet squelching sound.

    "I am going to make you hurt like you let her hurt," I growl as I drag. She starts to scream. I haven''t even started and she screams like she is in more agony than I have ever been in. How dare she? How dare she act like this fear is anything like what she put me through? What she put Lillith through? As I slowly pull her she continues to struggle, screaming all the while. She screams until her voice goes hoarse and she flails so much she slams her own head against the cement floor. I pause for a moment, something itching at the back of my mind. No. She deserves this. She deserves it. She hurt Annie and me so much. And she did it for nothing.

    I begin to pull again, and she finds her breath, continuing her desperate scream as she gets closer, and closer, and closer to an agonizing death. But it doesn''t feel satisfying. It doesn''t feel vindicating. Then she looks back at me, and I see blood running down her face, over her left eye. I pull a little more, until she is so close to the death I have prepared for her. The death that will make this whole kingdom regret hurting us. But the cut... I let out a frustrated scream, my voice joining hers... and I stop. I return to my actual body, filling in the dress I had been dragging along inside me. April is sobbing in front of me and I want to cry with frustration. Instead, I extend one arm toward her, in the shape of a massive crab claw, and sever her head in a single move.

    Finally, I turn to ascend the stairs and find Annie at the top, staring down at me with watering eyes. And I feel so relieved I didn''t follow through, at least all the way, with what I was going to do. I don''t want Annie to see me like that. Enjoying someone''s death. She looks like she is in so much pain. She looks so weary. So used up. So... beautiful. I run to her and wrap my arms around her, then pull her into a deep kiss. It tastes of blood, but I don''t care. I am just happy to hold her again. To be free. She tries to hug me back, with her single remaining arm. Finding this lacking she instead runs her fingers through my hair and kisses me back.

    It is... sweaty. It''s bloody. It should be disgusting. It''s the happiest I have ever been. "I love you, Annie," I say. "I love you so much. I missed you so much," I finally gush as soon as we come up for air.

    "I love you too," she replies with the warmth of the sun after months underground. "Let''s go home." I am about to agree when a dark worry clouds my mind.

    "How... how did you get here? Did you meet... anyone strange?" I ask. I have half a feeling I know. That strange feeling from before. Like a rival nexus mage was trying to spend life she didn''t have. The way I pulled her toward me when I felt it, and the rival mage seemed to agree with my intent. She glances at me with slightly narrowed eyes before deciding to take the question at face value and answer.

    "No one in particular. It''s a long story, and one I don''t even understand. I''ll tell you when we get back," she explains and I nod. It''s the answer I needed. She didn''t meet Rune. She didn''t hear anything she shouldn''t need to worry about.

    "Alright. Let''s go home."

 Interlude - Charlottes Journal

    Charlotte - Journal Entry 1

    As a child, I didn''t hide. I was always lonely. Always uncomfortable. Always wrong. Everything I did was wrong. The clothes I liked. The colors. Even the way I preferred to sit drew the ire of my father. I was always wrong. I liked the wrong games. The wrong friends. When I read the wrong books at twelve my father locked me out of the house and banned me from reading at all. When I introduced myself as Charles of Renatus instead of Charles Renatus he instead locked me in.

    I never understood it. Each time I found something I loved, or even liked, it felt like a weight off my shoulders. Like finally bathing and scrubbing dirt away after a hard day''s work. But my father would always drift in like a storm and put that pressure back. He would put it back and press harder. Over the years I''ve nearly forgotten his face, since his death. In my memories, that''s what he is. The dark clouds preceding a storm. The wind and the rain and the hail. The barrier between me and the warmth of the sun I craved so badly.

    I had to learn, each year a little more, where the balance was. Where I could bask in the sun and where I had to hide in the shade. I lived on that boundary, because it, however narrow, was the only place I could live at all. It was a razor-thin line I had to walk. Disdain and hate from my family on one side. Disdain and hate for myself on the other. So I learned. To dip my toes in the things I loved, and to pull my feet back when I felt the cold. As a child, I learned to hide.

    <hr>

    Charlotte - Journal Entry 2

    For a while, I had a friend. The daughter of one of my parents'' slaves. She was my age and she liked all the same things I did, when I shared them with her. It was a secret, that she was a daughter. A secret from my family, and a secret from hers. It was a secret that we were friends at all. My father hated it when I talked to the slaves. He hated when I asked anything about them at all. He hated that I didn''t hate them. And he would have hated my friend all the more.

    But I would be dead without her. Without the secret that her name was ''Amelia'' and not ''John''. Without the name she gave to the warmth I felt when I loved the wrong things. I was afraid to choose a name like hers, but I was also so excited. So warm. Because like her, I realized I was a daughter as well. And, even if only one person knew it, I wanted a daughter''s name. There were so many I loved. So many that made me feel so much more myself than I ever had before. I eventually landed on ''Serenity''. Serenity and Amelia.

    I had a whole plan. I would meet with Amelia any chance I got. When I became the Lady of the Renatus house, I would free all of our slaves, and I would marry Amelia. We would adopt other girls, or boys, that were like us. Given the wrong name. The wrong title. And we would raise them like our parents failed to. Fully in the sunlight. Comfortable. Themselves. It was a child''s dream. I didn''t know my parents weren''t the only ones who would hate to see the sun on our faces.

    Amelia took the risk first. She and her mother were close. In a way I didn''t even understand at the time. She trusted her. Amelia was nervous. She was terrified. But she loved her mother, and her mother loved her. And I encouraged her. Because I knew that every person who used her name would bring her warmth. Especially if it was her mother. The last time she spoke to me was the day she planned to tell her mother that her name was Amelia. That she planned to make people treat her as who she was.

    After that, she wasn''t allowed near me at all. I could only watch her from a distance, but I could see the results of the risk she took. New bruises every single day. The guards were quicker with the whip on her than anyone else. They hit her harder, more frequently, and more publicly than anyone else. And then, one day, a priest was invited to her family''s quarters. After that, I never saw her again at all, and her parents never spoke of having a child. For a while, I lost a friend.

    <hr>

    Charlotte - Journal Entry 3

    When I was fifteen, I had hope again. The last few years had not been kind to me. I never forgot Amelia, and I never forgot the name Serenity. But I never got to feel the rush of affirmation when someone used it to refer to me. I felt self-conscious about everything. I hated my body, more and more with each passing day. It wasn''t me. It wasn''t my home. It was a lie I wasn''t even allowed to acknowledge. I felt sick every time I undressed to bathe. I felt sick every time I dressed again in the wrong clothing. I always felt sick.

    Then I met Lord Eric, my tutor. He was supposed to teach me to use my mana, but he did more than that. He was a kind man. He didn''t really understand me, but he understood that I was miserable. It was months of quiet acceptance and gentle encouragement before I asked him to call me Serenity. Before I told him why. I was so afraid. So scared. But I needed someone to know that I wasn''t Charles. That I wasn''t my father''s son, but his daughter. Eric didn''t really get it. He was confused, and he asked a lot of questions. But he understood one thing. He understood that he didn''t need to completely understand.

    He called me Serenity. I didn''t have another Amelia, to dream of the future with. To genuinely relate with. But I had someone who saw me. Someone who knew my name. Who taught me to use magic and treated me as myself. Who actually cared about me like a father should a daughter.

    Then, he accidentally called me Serenity when my mother was down the hall. She heard him, and it all ended. She searched my things and found my romance novels and my drawings of different dresses. She found my hair clips. She blamed it all on Eric, and she told my father. They accused him of brainwashing me. Of lying to me. Of... other things. None of it was true. All he did was care about me. But their mind was made up. They had decided what they wanted to believe, and who to punish for it.

    Eric was brave. He actually lectured them. He stood up for me. He told them who I was and that they would lose me if they rejected that. Eric was just a tutor. I was just a child who wanted to feel safe, and knew I never would, after what happened to Amelia. Neither of us had the authority to stand up to a man like my father. But he did it anyway. There was no priest this time. They didn''t handle it while I was sleeping, or distracted. No. My father wanted me to understand what would happen if I ever used the name Serenity again. This time, he made me attend the execution.

    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

    When we got home, all I wanted to do was cry. To hurt. To let the loss wash over me. But my father... my father had his own hurt. I had seen the whip used on the slaves. I never understood it. I knew, but I never really knew. Each hit stung, for me, and for Amelia. Crack. I felt the pain for both of us. Crack. I felt the pain for Eric. Crack. Crack. Crack. My father made me pay for choosing a new name. For choosing anything at all. I still remember his sneering. His quips about letting me have bloody sheets, if I wanted to be a woman so badly.

    His message was clear. I was his son. This meant two things. I would never be his daughter. Not in his eyes. And If I were not his son... Eric''s noose would fit just as well around my neck.

    When I was fifteen, I lost hope.

    <hr>

    Charlotte - Journal Entry 4

    When my parents died, I tried to fight. I knew I wasn''t alone. It didn''t matter how many people tried to tell me I invented the fight. How many people insisted no one before me had ever felt uncomfortable in their skin. Had ever felt elation with a new name. I knew I wasn''t alone, because I had met Amelia. I knew then, that our childhood dream of marrying and starting a family could never be. Not in Potestia. Not with a king and a god who wanted to wipe us from history. A slave could never marry a noble. A woman could never marry a woman. And the man they would insist I was could never marry the man they would insist she was.

    I understood once I grew up. There were mountains in the way of my dream. It was just a childhood crush in any case. But it still weighed on me. It wasn''t a dream that should be impossible. Some things are too simple to remain unachievable forever. So I searched. I searched until I found others like me. Slaves. Commoners. Minor nobles. I was the house of Renatus, I had the power to look. And I found them. A few. Men and women who looked in the mirror and knew what they were seeing wasn''t right. Even one person who would accept neither label. And we each fought, in our own way.

    We all had Erics. Amelias. Deaths and banishments of the ones we love. Accusations of abuse, spit at anyone who cared about us and coming straight from our actual abusers. And we were all determined to stop it. I tried to petition the king, but was never granted an audience. My father would have been seen. But the only person anyone was interested in listening to was Charles Renatus. And I wasn''t him. I didn''t understand how I could be acknowledged and dismissed at the same time. I would never be a woman in their eyes. I would only fit in the role they had designed for me.

    But at the same time... they did acknowledge me. They did treat me like a woman. Or, the same way they treat women. Contempt. Dismissal. I had to live in the body they demanded or I was challenging the Collector himself. I had to use the name they gave me, wear the clothes they assigned. In the ways that made me loathe myself, I was a man to them. In the ways that made them loathe me, they knew I was a woman. Not to be entertained. Not to be listened to. To be treated as an ornament of their power.

    I could not change things. Or... If I wanted to change anything, I needed to give up on myself. I still hadn''t hurt enough. So we had to fight. Just to be seen. Just to be heard. Just to exist, every single day. We had to weather interrogations, glares, sneers. Contempt from all directions.

    I hired doctors and alchemists to help us. It looked like something could be done. Like there was some way to move closer to bodies that fit our souls. Sadie, a friend and former servant was the first to try. The potion that was supposed to start the change. But... everything fell apart. Just as they were starting to come together. Just as we started to hope. The more public we were the angrier everyone else was. And if we were happy? Well. That only upset them more. Sadie was the first to die.

    That was when a silent war broke out. I had a friend named Rose with fire in her blood. Fire, and rage, and grief. She killed Sadie''s murderers. And it was too late. Violence and counterviolence. Sadie inspired all of us. But I was the only one who could really fight. One by one our friends died following her plans. And then Rose died. And I was alone again. And no one even knew we had been fighting. No one knew my friends were dead. Because no one cared. And anyone who did cared just enough to make sure it was silent. Forgotten. Everyone was forgotten. Everyone but me, and I would only ever be heard if I used a name that slid off my tongue like bile. When my friends died, I stopped fighting. I''d seen what it would lead to.

    <hr>

    Charlotte - Journal Entry 5

    My adult life has been dull, and grey. A shadow of the loss in my past. I didn''t try to attend court anymore. I''d already been given an answer to everything that mattered to me. That answer being, I was lucky to be alive. I was lucky to be safe. I was lucky not to be beaten. I was lucky not to always be treated the way they treat women. It was no answer, really. It was a threat. Because with less mana to support them, I wouldn''t be worth the food I ate to them. I aspected earth, water, and air. The aspects needed to keep our city clean. The aspects of service. Of value. Aspects that would justify my existence to the other nobles of my station. My father would have turned in his grave had he seen the fall of our house.

    Until I met two men. The first was a young boy with eyes like mine. Abandoned like I was. Desperate like I am. A boy that needed my help. He brought color back with him. And hope. I wouldn''t repeat my mistakes. Not with him. I didn''t have Amelia, but I hadn''t forgotten our childhood dream. Children that could bask in the sunlight. I would do whatever I could to be that sunlight for him. To be that safety. And to keep him safe from the world that hated him. With him, I chose a new name. One that felt right, but was close enough to my old to feel safe. Close enough to be denied if the wrong person heard it whispered down the wrong hall. I would be Charlotte, and he would be Leo. And I would love him like a son.

    The other was Duke Godfrey. A man often taken lightly himself, but with position and power that even surpassed mine. And he offered me his hand. His help. His authority. He wasn''t the king, but he was too powerful to ignore. Too strong to balk at. With a word from him, the Renatus name carried weight again. With a word from him, lesser nobles were too afraid to hurt me or my son. I still wasn''t respected. Not really. I knew I was hated. I knew neither of us was really safe. But we were both more safe than I had ever been before. We had a chance at a life.

    My heart stopped when Leo asked to go to school. When he asked to prove our value. But I understood. And I could protect him, since meeting Godfrey. So I agreed. I bought him clothes he would love. Paid for an inn he could sleep at when they insisted on the wrong dorm for him. I put all my hopes for the future in him. I wouldn''t let him live through my mistakes.

    My heart stopped again when Godfrey asked for my help making him king. But I had tried fighting without him. And I knew Leo would die. Even if he was only a Duke, he was an older one. And with the king we had... Leo would still die eventually. With Godfrey as king... I finally had a chance at real change. I would finally have a voice at the top that listened to me. I could finally exist without begging for permission, or losing a fight to win the right. So I agreed to that too. He was a good man. He didn''t understand me, but he understood that he didn''t need to understand. And he could offer Leo a real future.

    And finally, Leo and Godfrey both approached me, at separate times, asking for help with the same girl. A girl with a fire in her blood. Leo said she could heal our bodies. Make our skin fit. Godfrey said she would get my son killed. My son and so many others. Godfrey could offer us a future. And I had seen what Lily could offer, and where it led. I decided to gamble on the man who offered a future. I chose to keep my son alive. I would not repeat my mistakes again. I would not let the world turn grey.

 Chapter 55 - One Mistake

    Leo

    The world shifts around us as Charlotte and I stumble to the ground together. We had entered through a tree line, but we land in a field of chrysanthemums. The pink, yellow, and orange flowers expand in all directions before any taller foliage presents itself again. Immediately, everything Lily has ever told me about the Radiant Woods collapses like an inescapable wave over my mind. No. I can''t be here. I can''t be here. Anywhere but here. My entire body tenses with the fear of being hit, my skin aching with the anticipation of pain. It will take my mind. It will take me from me. I can''t be here!

    "Where are they?"

    My body aches and I can feel my heart pulsing in my head. My skin itches. Every fear I have ever had is contained in the field and I can feel its breath hot on my neck. I wait to lose control. I wait to lose everything.

    "Where are they, no no no no, where are they?"

    I wait, and I wait, and I wait. And... nothing happens. No one takes my body from me. Nothing happens at all, until Charlotte''s hands grasp my shoulders and pull me back into reality. "Leo, where are they?" she begs and I look around, still shaken.

    "Where are what?" I respond, my heart still beating from the curiously missing control of the woods. I can barely process my environment, much less the question.

    "The others!" she insists, "Where are the others that fell in here with us?" This immediately forces my mind to focus and scan the environment. Only Charlotte and I are here. Charlotte, me, and the flowers.

    "We have to find them," I agree immediately. Questions about Charlotte''s choices can wait. I don''t know why the Woods aren''t hurting me. The Woods aren''t controlling me, but we have allies here that don''t deserve what will happen to them if we don''t find them. I do what I have been forced to do my entire life, what Charlotte has been forced to do her entire life. I force the fear down. I strangle it. And we begin to move. To make sure everyone else is safe and comfortable. To prioritize them over ourselves. As soon as Charlotte makes this obvious to me, we no longer have to communicate before we begin to search together.

    We have no way to know where we came from, much less where anyone else might have gone. We don''t even know how long we will have the freedom to search. But one thing is certain. Charlotte can protect these people better than they can protect themselves. I don''t question why she wants to. I can''t process why she has done what she''s done, but I still know her. She is still the only mother I have ever wanted. And she doesn''t want them trapped in the Radiant Woods any more than she wants me here. Any more than she wants to be here herself. So we run. We shout. We call out for them.

    No matter how far we go, we never escape the field of flowers. As I look around, I realize we haven''t even escaped the middle. One look at Charlotte and I can see in her eyes she has realized the same. We can''t leave the spot we are in. It feels sickly familiar. This field. This spot that was chosen for us, that we can''t escape no matter what we do. Something inside me rejects this. Calls it a lie. A perversion of reality to be dismantled. I press back against that feeling. It won''t serve me here. My skin itches. "What do we do?" I ask in desperation. But her eyes are wide, afraid, heartbroken. She covers her face with her hands.

    "I... it wasn''t supposed to happen like this. It wasn''t supposed to..." she trails off. She doesn''t have an answer any more than I do. But... maybe she never has. I''ve always known Charlotte has struggled with everything I have. The walls, constantly closing in on both of us. But... I''ve always had her. Since we first met I have had somewhere to look for a solution. For safety. Just somewhere to look... up. But she made the wrong choice so... where do I look now? I look into her panicked eyes and realize there is nothing I can do. I scratch my face, grip my head, and sit down in the flowers. That resistance inside me bends again, like thin wood under too much weight. I scratch my face again.

    Charlotte sits down next to me. Silent but for her heavy breathing. We are probably never leaving the Radiant Woods. We aren''t saving the others. We aren''t going anywhere. We aren''t going anywhere, ever. The only people who can get us out are either chained in some cellar somewhere or walking into a trap. I want to sob. I want to puke. The wood bends in my soul. My skin itches. The only thing we can do now is talk.

    "Why?" I ask quietly. I hear Charlotte''s breath catch. "Please. It doesn''t matter now. But still, I need to know." She is silent for a long time. That bending feeling is back. My skin itches. I push it down. I scratch my face.

    "One mistake," Charlotte finally answers. "You know what I mean. You know exactly what I mean. One mistake. That is one mistake more than we are allowed to make. Back in Potestia. Back with Lillith''s friends. Anywhere we go, no matter how we are treated, we will always live one mistake away from rejection. From disgust. From hatred, and from being disposed of. I have known many people, in power and otherwise, who make mistakes. Major ones. Minor ones. They will do it day after day, and laugh with those affected in the next breath.

    "Because most people are allowed to make mistakes. Most people don''t live lives of borrowed tolerance. Waiting until their friends, families, and allies turn on them. Waiting until something goes wrong and everyone in the room looks to them as the easiest target to blame. The easiest to reject and cast out. Waiting until everyone who despises them finally finds an excuse. But you and I do. And this is true, no matter where we go. No matter what we do. Leo, we have to do what it takes to survive." I sit in that for a moment. That bending feeling increases under the pressure of her words.

    "I know that. But... I can''t accept it. Because it''s wrong. It''s so sick, and twisted, that people should be allowed to do this to us. To make us fear... everything. That''s why I was willing to fight. To fight alongside the people that see us as people. As who we are. For a new, better world where people don''t have to feel that way anymore. I thought maybe, just maybe, we could earn one mistake. We could take it. I want so, so badly for putting that weight on us to be the mistake that they made. The mistake that tears them down from their thrones. Turning on us should have been their one mistake. And we had a chance, Mom. We had a chance. People willing to make that happen. To stand side by side with us. I wanted it so badly," I respond. Already I''ve accepted the failure of that plan. It''s too late now. The pressure builds. The wood bends. My skin itches.

    "She was going to fail," Charlotte responds. "I''ve been alive a long time, Leo. I''ve fought with everything I have to be everything I am for a long time. It''s a miracle I was born with enough mana to justify my existence to the people around me. But I know what we are up against. I have been up against them my entire life. She was going to fail, whether I did something or not. And she was going to drag so, so many people down with her. All of them were going to die. Her family. Her friends. My son. All of you were going to die fighting for a world that will still reject us. That will still be waiting for that one mistake.

    "I saw what was coming. I knew how it would end. I love Lillith. I love Sara. I love what they tried to do for me. I don''t want to see them hurt, abandoned, or dead. I don''t want to see you dead alongside them. So I made a friend. Someone who could stop this without bloodshed. That could, and would, forgive them for everything, so long as the country stands. Because Lillith is allowed one mistake. And you are not. Lillith is allowed revenge for the wrongs done to her, and you are not. And Lillith started all of this by taking revenge. For you. And that''s the thing about our one mistake, Leo. We don''t have to be the ones to make it. If it even happens around us, we will still be the ones who pay the most. She was... is, going to lose. I''m sorry, I wish it wasn''t the case. But it is. And they were going to kill you for it. So I made a friend, to buy your life. To buy everyone''s lives.

    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

    "You. Lillith. And everyone who comes after us. Godfrey wants change too. Not enough. Never enough. But he''s been putting the pieces together for a new world for a long time. A world that we can actually win. A world where you and I have the power to make one mistake. One where everyone has the power to make one mistake. The power to defend themselves when the world tries to punish them for stepping out of line before they made it. I believe in that world, Leo. And I think Lillith would too, if she could just see it. And she will. Because Godfrey loves her, and needs her people. No one has to die. No one has to get hurt. No one has to pay for a mistake their friends made for them."

    I sit in that for a moment as things slide into place. Charlotte''s desperation to turn everyone around. To prevent today''s plan from happening. The way she tried to use Ed as an excuse, and the way she failed to show relief when the truth came to light. She wanted to stop the violence and buy a peaceful end to things. But it still wasn''t right. I understand what she is saying, but... "I heard what he called you. Your friend. The one that will let us make mistakes. The one you report to so we can have that future. It wasn''t your name, Mom. It wasn''t a name anyone who cares about you would ever speak," I challenge. Charlotte winces.

    "That was only Ansel, Godfrey''s aide. Godfrey would never speak that name. I trust him, Leo," she corrects.

    "But that''s the thing. Godfrey''s aide. It tells the whole story. Godfrey would never do that to you. Never. But the person closest to him feels perfectly comfortable doing it, doesn''t he? That''s the entire trade. A world where we have the power to defend ourselves. Most of the time. But we still don''t get to be welcome. We still don''t get to be loved. Our great benevolent leader would never hurt us; he will only allow his friends to do it without consequence." I throw back.

    "That will always be the case. Even here. I was called ''he'' the very moment I stepped out of line! It will always be there, just under the surface, no matter where we build our homes. There will always be sneers behind our backs. And if we can''t change that, well. The power to defend ourselves from more than sneers is more important than ever," she counters. The world bends. My skin itches.

    "Yes. There will always be sneers. People who hate us. If we change our bodies. If we change our clothes. If we change our names. There will always be someone who hates us. Who wants us gone. Who will take their masks off and snarl the moment we make that one mistake. But it makes a difference whether or not these people are welcome! It makes a difference what kind of mistake we are allowed to make. Because I don''t want turning the wrong corner on the wrong night to be my mistake ever again. I don''t want trusting the noble who promised me safety to be my mistake ever again. And if a man who calls you by a name you discarded is welcome? If he is welcome then we will never be," I cry.

    "I know!" Charlotte agrees. "I know that! I hate it. I hate him. It hurts me, Leo. It hurts me every single time. It''s like bathing in sewage! Every time I hear it it''s like a sliver of flesh is torn from me. But I have carried this pain all my life, and I will carry it for the rest of it if I have to! I will let them call me by old, dead names. I will let them tear that skin bit by bit and call me whatever foul things they need to so long as I can build my way to a world where they call you ''Leo''! And they will never give us that world. We have to take it. We have to have the power to take it. Lillith''s ideas are lovely, they are. And I wish we lived in a world where they would work. But they are too dangerous. Too much of a gamble. They only offer a chance at a world where my son can be himself and use his name safely. I need certainty. I need you to be safe, and I will suffer through anything to make that happen." She buries her face in her hands. I believe her.

    The world bends. My skin itches. I scratch at my face. I turn to look at her but she keeps her face hidden. "I love you, Mom. I love that you care for me so much. But... you already know where that falls apart. Even if you can keep me safe. Even if you can keep every wolf and all their teeth out of my throat, I still won''t be safe. No safer than you have been. I''ve seen it in your eyes. You always push through but... These boxes they try to force us in... they are dark. They are oppressive. They close in on you. If you behave exactly as they want, they change the rules. I could go to school as a man so long as I kept to myself. I could go to school and call myself Leo, but I had to stay in the women''s dorms. I could wear whatever I wanted, but I had to call myself a woman. I played along and they changed the rules.

    "I followed the new rules and they changed them again. Until they were tired of warning me and I ended up broken and bloody in the dirt. Because they never really changed the rules. The rule was always ''be who and what we demand or we will hate you. We will hurt you. Stop living as who you are, or stop living''. You may be able to build a world where they can''t safely beat me. But this method will never build a world where I am safe. Because the walls will always close in. And you know what it''s like, standing on that precipice. Giving those concessions. It will kill me, Mom. You know what I mean. Living in the world you chose will kill me. And maybe you''re right. Maybe what I want to fight for with Lillith will be the same. But it carries the hope that it won''t be. And I need that hope, or I will die," I reply, nearly losing my breath as I try to force the words out. Charlotte looks up at me with red eyes.

    "I know. I know. I know. But I don''t know what to do! She''s going to lose, Leo! She is going to die and they are going to punish you for it! Unless I can buy your lives. I know it''s not enough! I know I can never do enough to make you safe! It feels like ice under my skin but I know it! But I had to do what little I could! Don''t you understand? Don''t you see? I have done all of this before! I have known Lilliths before. I have had friends, and allies, and loved ones, and I have fought! I have fought and fought and fought. I have tried and pushed. It ends the same way. It always ends the same way. With a beaten girl, taken from her family. With fathers hurting their daughters. With death, Leo. With so much death. I have seen too many hopeful corpses. I have been forced into the ground too many times," she sobs.

    Charlotte has never shared any of this with me before. She has never spoken of her past like this. I always knew she must have struggled but the fear in her words is so... visceral. The loss. "I thought... I thought I was the first..." I respond weakly. She shakes her head.

    "No. All my life they have been taking. Every time I stick my head out too far. I have seen it again, and again, and again. They will always win. They will always be just a little more brutal than we can be. Just a little more powerful. And everyone who fights it dies. Everyone but me. And Lillith... Lillith is bringing so many people into it. Do you know how terrifying that is? Seeing so many people heading toward a bloody end, knowing they are all going to die? I had to save them, Leo. I had to save you. And I had to save Lillith. I just want everyone to be okay. I just want them to be okay. I can''t see one more hopeful corpse, much less thousands. I know why you all want to do it this way. But you are going to die if you do! That''s just how the world is built! That''s reality!" She weeps. I can''t accept it. The world bends. My face itches.

    "Thank you, Mom. I know you are kind. I know you hurt whenever any of us hurt. I... I didn''t know about the rest. I can feel what it must have done to you, and I want to learn more. If you didn''t feel this, down in the deepest reaches of your soul, you would never have given up on what Sara and Lily could help you with. Or maybe you still would. Because that is who you are. Someone who will hurt for her entire life so the people you love don''t have to. Lily reminds me of you, in that way. I do understand how we got here. I even admire you for it. I love you. I do.

    "But No. No. That''s not reality. That''s a lie. A lie they built and forced into place and call reality. It''s no more real than the words they nail to our bodies when we are born and it''s no more real than the names they try to force us to carry. That''s their reality and it is a lie! It''s like this forest. A distortion. A perversion. Reality as it looks to people who have grown sick with their own love of control. Lily isn''t going to lose. Even now. And a world where we are just treated as people is real. It''s real. It is reality, because we are real!" I shout. And the pressure grows too much. The bending wood in my soul breaks and in an instant, the flowers around me wilt, dissolve, and disappear. My face itches.

    If the Radiant Woods are the manifestation of people who control reality I will be their opposite. I will scrub their will from it. I touch my face. It has a roughness to it as tiny hairs have started to grow. My skin itches like rain in a drought.

 Chapter 56 - Equivalent Exchange

    Lillith

    I groan as I wake up in a familiar bed. The world is blurred around me as I try to get my bearings. The last thing I remember was speaking with Sara. She was expanding the roads to her hat shop and we were discussing what it should be called. Nothing fancy like ''Radiant Woods'', just ''the hat shop''. That''s how she thinks of it. Not as an impossible extradimensional space entirely in her control. Just as her hat shop. This is incredibly cute, truth be told. In fact, the last thing I remember was considering how furiously attractive that was and... I must have passed out. I suppose the moment of relaxation was the opportunity my body needed to force rest. Sara must have princess carried my ass back here.

    But... I wasn''t done. There were so many people all across the country I could still have helped. My brothers, for one. Visenar needed more than a little attention. Yeah, I managed the violent bits but there is a lot more work to do than that. I suppose I was in no shape for it. Sara made the right call. I rub my bleary eyes with both hands as the world starts to take shape. Moonlight fills my room and I feel well rested for the first time in a long time. To my left, Ed is asleep in a chair while Clarisse writes in a notebook to my right.

    "Evening," I greet and she smiles without looking at me.

    "Glad to see they are working for you. Dominic said the new circle interfered with his control. I had a feeling they might. You have a tendency to break the rules with these things," she replies.

    "Huh?" I ask, rubbing the back of my neck as I sit up. "What do you mean? No, never mind that, what happened in Potestia? How many people made it back safely? I need to go back." She shakes her head.

    "One thing at a time. We need to see how your body responds to the prosthetics first. Your body was in pretty bad shape when you got back, and you are remarkably resistant to Sarafyna''s healing. Now, wiggle your toes for me. Can you feel them?" she says, stopping me from climbing out of bed. I pause for a moment and pull my hand from behind my head, giving it a proper look for the first time since waking up. It is... not my arm. It is, but it''s not my original. I mean, I guess the last one wasn''t either. I am fitted with a prosthetic like the boy I had seen a couple of months ago. It''s... amazing. I channel mana through it as easily as my own flesh, and it moves with zero latency. I didn''t even realize it wasn''t my real arm.

    I feel it, under the surface. A complex arrangement of thin metal fibers and cables simulating muscle. The top has some sort of only slightly opaque material that feels almost exactly like skin. It doesn''t look like skin, but it feels like it. I lack fingernails, and I look a bit like a half-finished terminator, but the feedback I get from it is indiscernible from my left side. "This is... amazing," I admire. Clarisse looks over her glasses at me.

    "Toes," she reminds. "Wiggle them." Oh right, she did tell me to do that. And I do. I can see the slight movement under the blanket. With them covered I almost have a hard time believing they aren''t real. Well. This is a slight upgrade from the little steel self-torture devices I was trying to use. The woman really was wasted teaching basic math to a bunch of kids. Magic itself has been wasted for generations. This is incredible. It seems to run entirely off of mana, and it somehow feels like it has grown into my flesh. It is not seamless, but this is legitimately part of my body now. Nice of her to bother giving me toes.

    "Wiggling away," I reply and she smiles.

    "Amazing. You know the arm we gave Dominic only worked once we removed the circle, but all of yours work perfectly. Fascinating," she muses. That''s right, she mentioned Dominic again. And a circle.

    "Dominic is here?" I ask. "Also, what circle?"

    She begins writing furiously in her journal again as she answers. "Yes, he and your brother came back together. Seems he has decided to defect to our side entirely. The last nail in the coffin of Potestia, I suppose. The most powerful mage left alive is now standing in opposition to the monarchy. Truly amazing. As for the circle, can''t you feel it?" she questions, nodding to my arm. I examine it a little, but fail to see anything. Then, I probe it with my mana. It... it is gathering mana, like it is inside a circle. My right leg and left foot seem to be doing the same just like my body. Wait... no, my body isn''t anymore. That is strange. "Finally noticed, did you? Yes, it seems you took a severe injury to your former circle, despite the apparent thickness of your skin there. Clever doing that, but it wasn''t foolproof. Your original circle has officially broken. But..."

    "But my new... pieces aren''t made of blood and bone," I finish. "They have never entered a circle before now. So you adapted my old circle to this new material, and are using it to gather mana where my body has stopped. That''s... brilliant. But, it shouldn''t work, right? Don''t you need a unique design to enchant this to work as an arm at all? How are you using it for two things at once like this?"

    "Three things, actually. Ember worked with me on it. They work like your bracelets as well, balancing and gathering excess mana in your body and preventing the spread of cancer. And yes, you are right. It shouldn''t work. We tried a less complex version on Dominic and his arm simply didn''t move. You are something of an anomaly. A mystery in all things. Just as we still haven''t confirmed our theory of why your cancer took so long to manifest, we only have theories about why this works. I believe, and this is why I bothered to try, I believe it has something to do with your body remaining something of a mana space itself. We''ll want to study it for a long while before you do anything dangerous," she explains. I flex my fingers and turn my new hand around.

    "A lot of guesswork for something you attached to my body while I was sleeping," I poke. "Actually, how did I sleep through all that?"

    Clarisse shrugs. "Talk to Sarafyna about it on both counts. She is the one who assured Victor, Ember, and me that it was safe to do. As far as your continued sleep and consent, that is," she shrugs. I want to contest this. I do love Sara but unless I''m actually dying she can''t actually make that decision for me. On the other hand, I have to pause. She did answer exactly how I would have, which isn''t enough on its own but... I somehow managed to visit her in my sleep before. I''ll ask her about it later, but maybe she did ask me somehow. It worked out this time so I will worry about whether a boundary was crossed or not later. Right now, I need more information.

    I manage to rush her through the rest of the conversation about my new prosthetics. It is interesting to learn they are actually considerably physically weaker than my organic arm while being stronger magically. But what I really want to know is what happened in Potestia. Finally, after what feels like an hour, I get Clarisse to give me the run-down. Apparently, all things considered, we won. Visenar was the bloodiest battlefield by far, and almost every city in the country has ousted their former lords. It is only a matter of time now. The kings are gone. The support. The magic. The volunteer fighters have been relieved by people spreading food, rebuilding shelter, and establishing communication.

    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

    Visenar, however, had a death toll in the thousands. Everywhere people lived where a dispersal circle aimed at me existed, people died. It makes me sick to my stomach. So many things could have prevented this. If just a couple of them had fallen into place I could have stopped this. But Potestia is free now. It will never be ruled by a king again. "Where is my family? And Sara?" I finally ask. I know Ed is still sleeping a few feet from me, but I''d love to see Henry and Mom soon. And Sarafyna. The time I spent with her was far too little. I want to spend the next month just admiring her and giving her back rubs. Clarisse flinches.

    "You''ve been asleep for over a day now. Unfortunately, we all had work to do in that time. Sarafyna is in the Woods. The traitor... the traitor was Charlotte. I don''t know why. But... Leo found out, which is the only reason you found out. There was a struggle and... they fell into the woods with a couple of the others. Sara is looking for them." My heart is ice. Charlotte? Why would she? The Woods? Fuck, no wonder Sara didn''t wait around. I hate the thought of her on her own again, but she would never leave them there. Not if she could get them out. I just wish I had been awake to go with her.

    "Fuck," is all I can come up with.

    "Lily..." Ed says, nearly startling my new limbs off my body. When did he wake up? "Lily, you are awake." I look at him.

    "Hey, Ed," I smile weakly. "Everything alright?" He looks at me with a funeral in his eyes.

    "No," he replies coldly. "Everything is not alright. After you disappeared... After you disappeared there was a lot left to do. A lot of people who still needed help. Dominic stood by me, and we both did what we could. We found as many survivors as we could but... but then we found Autumn."

    <hr>

    Autumn

    The sky is on fire. Lillith is up there, fighting a man who is willing to kill us all and I have never been more terrified.

    "What does she mean about the torches?" I ask nervously. "How is she going to stop this? What do torches have to do with anything?" I am breathing heavily as we walk through the city. Henry ponders as he listens to Lillith''s voice through the whisper sphere.

    "Well. I don''t know how she is planning on doing it, but... I think she is going to try and catch all of that before it hurts anyone. I believe she mentioned the torches using magic where possible, and fire where light mana was dispersed. Or rather, where the circles Godfrey put in place to catch her are drawn. If I know my psycho sister, she is considering a contest of mana up there. Come on, let''s go," he says. I look around.

    "But... the torches here use mana stones? Shouldn''t we be safe?" I ask. I don''t like this. Something about this feels wrong. Like bugs, burrowing under my skin. I have to fight back tears I don''t understand. Not the tears of my fear. Not the tears of despair. Something else.

    "Yes," he agrees, "But lots of places aren''t and not everyone will hear this message. We need to warn people before it''s too late." He is right. Of course he is right. I don''t know what I was thinking. I look up again. I can feel the heat from here. Liquid fire, ready to kill everyone in the city, and my twin brother''s hopeless crush is floating in the sky trying to catch it. It''s too much. I know what this feeling is, too. I know exactly what it is. I didn''t a moment ago, but as I look up, as I feel the heat of death sear into my skin, I know.

    "How... how long do you think it took Godfrey to draw these circles?" I ask. Henry shrugs.

    "He used to do nothing but sit around reading romance novels and making Lillith sell his books for him. After that, he just did the same but... with more money I guess? He''s had a lot of time on his hands. Still. There are a lot of them. He must have known he was going to need to capture or kill Lily for years now. Maybe as soon as he got to the Capital. No other way it gets this extensive in time. Guess Lily slipped up somewhere," he guesses. My heart sinks.

    "And all these people... all these people are going to die because he did, right?" I ask. He pauses, a dark look on his face.

    "... Yeah. People are going to die because of him. But, you and I can save a few. Think about that. And hey, at least we aren''t being sent to collect my sister''s limbs anymore," he jokes, trying to lighten my mood. It doesn''t work. People are going to die because of him. People are going to die because of him. People are going to die because of me. I break into a sprint.

    "Come on, we have to warn as many people as possible! I scream running ahead of him. He catches up easily and I begin screaming through the streets as we finally reach a border where the torches change from stone to oil. "Run! Run, to where the lamps are stone! It will be safe there! It will be safe!" I cry. That''s all it takes for most. Everyone can feel the heat. Everyone can see the sky. It may seem like an empty promise, but many were already reluctantly wandering from their homes. Many, but not all. Lillith sent sound mana all throughout the city, but some people just don''t hear the warning, or don''t take it seriously. That is where we come in.

    More and more people, further into what must be a dispersal circle, begin to flee toward us. People are desperate for any hope at all, even one they don''t understand. A mother runs toward us from too far away, holding a child in one arm and dragging another behind her with her free hand. Then it happens. The sky of fire begins to fall. I can see it. Only in the circle above us, it starts to fall. I look at the mother and her children and my eyes bulge, but Henry is faster than me. He runs before I can even process it, into the falling death. The woman moves too slowly, held back by her struggling son.

    Henry meets them halfway, scoops the second child up, and runs alongside the frantic mother. Sped up by his aid they approach us faster, and faster. The fire descends upon us; I can feel its heat trying to push me into the ground. I look back at Henry and time slows. He is practically dragging the woman now. The sky falls. Henry runs. My heart beats. Then, finally, he passes into safety a breath before the liquid fire collides with the ground. I am worried it will splash, but it cools immediately into some kind of strange stone wall as soon as it does. Henry is safe. So is the family. They are alive. Henry grins at me.

    "Sorry to scare you!" He beams, putting the boy down as the woman next to him falls to her knees, pulling both her kids into an embrace.

    "Thank you, thank you so much, thank you thank you thank you" she practically begs.

    "Hey, I''m happy to help. I''m just glad you all made it. And hey, I have drugs too, if you need to relax now. I know I do," he offers. The mother is too frantic to care about his stupid jokes. I sigh. He and his sister both. Never serious enough. But... I appreciate it, and he knows it. I love him so much. I''m glad I met Lillith if only because I met her brother. For a moment of inappropriate silliness, I forget about all the other deaths. For a moment. The weight of it may crush me if I think for any longer than that. For now, I just sigh and admire the man I love.

    Sharp stones fly past me and Henry both, colliding with the strange wall behind him. Piercing it. Cracking it. A man I vaguely recognize runs past me. I had a class with him, I think? My mind fails to process what is happening as the boy tackles Henry into the now cracked wall. I can''t process it as it shatters behind them. I don''t understand it as both disappear into the still boiling fire beyond. I am still standing still, thinking about my love for Henry as the hot liquid again cools when it reaches the boundary of the circle.

    I stare at the cold wall. Why did everything go quiet? I can''t hear anything. What is going on? Where did Henry go? Why? Why is he gone now? What happened? I fall to my knees before I know why. No. No no no no no. I don''t understand. I am speaking, I think. "It''s my fault. It''s my fault. It''s my fault. It''s my fault."

 Chapter 57 - I Am Not Me

    Lillith

    "That''s all she could say when I found her," Ed finishes after recounting Autumn''s story to me. "It''s my fault. It''s my fault. She was just on her knees, repeating it again and again while I was trying to find out where... what happened. Lily... Lily I don''t..." he fails to finish his sentence, choking through each word with labored breathing. He didn''t mention Henry''s name once, unable to get the words out each time he needed to. I feel like I am standing in front of a great, impassable wall. Or maybe a dam. There is a flood on the other side. Grief that will violently drown me and leave a washed-up husk wherever I wash up. And I am holding my hand up against the stone. I can feel the pressure it is holding back.

    It is a monument, sturdy and impassable. It is razor thin glass, and it will shatter with a tap of my fingernail. Ed is on the other side. Broken. Snot and tears running down his face. He''s like a fish in the water, vibrant scales shimmering in the moonlight and demanding my attention, but he is insulated. Separated. The wall will not be denied. Or... I will not deny the wall. I am a stone staring through it. Waiting for it to break on its own. Nothing reaches me. No one. I am vaguely aware that Edward is wrapping his arms around me. Vaguely conscious of Clarisse, looking guiltily away from the scene. They are both so far away. I want to pound on the glass dam. I want to feel its shard cut through me as the water carries me away. I need to feel the pressure and pain this promises.

    I am too afraid. I am too cold. I can physically feel the grief. Boiling around me. I don''t know how I missed it when I woke up. It is thick in the air like steam. Only the oceans I had left behind before sleeping could disguise the lake around me now. Henry. Not Henry. A tap of a single finger would break the glass, but I watch Edward on the other side instead. I let the scene happen to me. He is reaching out to me with more than his arms but I can''t reach back. I am not here. I am not me. For some reason, I can''t help but fixate on his snot, smearing against the shoulder of my nightshirt. It doesn''t bother me in the way it usually would. It just... doesn''t make sense. He is too far away.

    At some point, I pull myself away limply, dig through a drawer for a new shirt, and change it. I am again clean. It makes sense again. But the dam is still there. And the water is too fast. How is it not overflowing? How could so much water be held back like this? How is it not crashing down on me? A single tap.

    I don''t know why. Maybe I just want to distance myself from the temptation to tap the glass. Maybe my new feet have minds of their own. Maybe I just can''t breathe in this room anymore. But before I can say a word to my grieving brother, I feel myself walking toward the door, pausing, and opening it. Mom is there, standing with a tray of food in her hands. We are both motionless for a moment. I see it coming, as the tray falls to the ground. I could avoid it, if she weren''t on the other side of the dam. As the slap connects, I fail to register it. It too is distant. Beyond me.

    She claps her hand over her mouth and watches me with glassy eyes. She speaks to me with the distorted sounds of a creature underwater. Her fists grasp onto my new shirt and pull me to her, where she begins crying into my shirt. Ed''s hand lands on my shoulder. The glass begins to crack. Just a little, right in the middle. I can''t be here. I can''t. I begin to walk away. Toward the quiet. Toward safety. Toward the cold. I hear voices calling after me. Feel hands trying to hold me back. But they aren''t here. Not really. I am not here. I am not me.

    Their hands were never really on me. They were never really speaking to me. How could they? They are on the other side. I don''t notice when I pull away from them. I don''t know when they stop following me. But I am alone now, finally. But I haven''t escaped. The wall has followed me. But the crack is no longer webbing. I wander up the stairs to the next floor, then the next, until I have reached the unused part of the building. Finally, I sit down and try to breathe. I put my hand up against the glass again. Rapids rage on the other side. I am in there with it. But I am not me. I need to feel it. I need to feel it to be me. I am grief. I have always been grief. I need to feel my own.

    Steps. Soft, quiet steps. These are the only sounds I can hear. Mom''s voice. Ed''s sorrow. These washed over me like waves in a dream. But these footsteps. They are real. Maybe the only real thing left in the world. And they are above me. I am on an upper floor, there should be no one above me. I grasp onto this like driftwood in the middle of the ocean. I am not sure why. But following them doesn''t hurt, so I do. I continue to climb. So do the steps above me. We continue our quiet chase until I emerge on the roof. The mountains tower over us, challenging our audacity to ascend so high. Autumn isn''t looking at them, however. Autumn stands on the precipice, looking down at the ground so far below.

    I hear each and every breath she takes. They echo through me in a way that makes my bones ache. She is on this side of the wall with me. She is not her. The crack begins to spread as I walk up and stand beside her.

    "How... how did you know?" She whispers. I sigh.

    "I didn''t," is the only response I give her. "But... here I am."

    "I''m glad you are alright," she offers after a moment of silence. I don''t respond. I don''t look at her. I just follow her gaze to the distant stone below. I let the silence drag until she speaks again. "Are you going to stop me?" she asks. I nod. "And if I come back to try again?" she asks. I take a deep breath.

    "I suppose I''ll stop you then, too," I respond. She bites her lip.

    "Why?" she pleads. "Why?" The crack spreads.

    I don''t know. I just know it''s right. "Henry," is the only answer I have.

    "It''s my fault," she replies. "He is gone because of me. You couldn''t protect him because of me. It''s my fault. Do you understand that? He is dead because of me." The crack spreads. I can hear it, in the air. Criiick.

    "No. It''s mine. You both came because you trusted me. You trusted me to protect you. To keep you safe. I failed. It''s not your fault," I insist. Hot water runs down her cheek. The crack begins to leak, and I feel a trickle washing through my hair. She shakes her head and takes a half step closer to the edge.

    "No, Lily. It''s my fault. It''s all been my fault. Henry, and everyone else who died in Visenar. It was me. I told Godfrey about you, all those years ago. After the first time we fought. I told him... everything. Everything you planned to do. Exactly how dangerous you were. The dispersal circles were drawn because of me. Because I was too scared. Because I turned on you. And because, even after I changed my mind, I didn''t tell you. Do you get it? It was because of me. He died because of me. They all died because of me. You would have saved them all if not for me! Do you understand now, Lillith? I killed them all! Your brother is dead because of me!" she confesses and my blood freezes.

    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

    More cracks appear, water bursting through holes in the damn. It pools around my feet. My hands tremble. All this time. All this time and she knew. She knew. She knew she knew she knew. I don''t... I don''t know how to process. I am not me. One hand reaches out, presses against her back, and pushes. I watch as she falls, branches of the trees shredding her skin as she passes them. She doesn''t even scream. She just falls, and falls, and finally...

    "I thought so, even you know I would be better off..." she finally says, pulling me from the intrusive thought. I jerk back to reality. The glass cracks, the water rises, I swallow my words. "It was me. And Henry..." She doesn''t finish her thought, simply taking one more step, over open air. I reach out and grab her.

    "No..." I say. "No. This... this is wrong, Autumn," I plead. She looks back at me.

    "I''m a murderer, Lily. I..." she sighs, putting her foot back for a moment. "Do you think... do you think he has a new life somewhere? Like you? Do you think he got to start over too?" I pause at this, still holding her arm.

    "I don''t know. Maybe. I hope," Is the best I can do. Criiiik. Henry is dead. The water is up to my waist. Henry is dead. And I''m afraid. I am terrified. I can''t see the way forward and Autumn... Autumn is on the edge. It''s her fault. It''s her fault. It''s her fault. I clench my fists.

    "Do you think... I''ll end up in the same place?" she asks. "Do you think I could start over, and meet him again?" No. No, you don''t deserve to meet him again. You put him in danger. You let him die. You killed him. I want her to jump.

    "I don''t know," I answer. "But I knew Henry. I loved Henry. This... this isn''t what he would want. This isn''t what anyone wants. You''ll be leaving so many people behind. What about August? What about me? What about everyone who loves you? Are you just going to abandon them?" I beg. The glass cracks. She looks at me with pain. Criiiik. I will drown soon, if the water keeps rising. She leans almost imperceptibly forward. A little closer to jumping. Of course she does. Of course she does. You can''t guilt someone out of this. I know that. So why did I... I want her to jump.

    No. The glass cracks. The tides are furious and chaotic. The dam is coming apart. Autumn takes a deep breath. A preparatory breath. "Well. There are far more people I won''t be letting down. Tell them, when I am gone. Tell them the one responsible for their family''s death is gone. Tell them I did the right thing," she says, closing her eyes and leaning forward, almost letting herself go. I hesitate to catch her. Criiiiik. There are so many holes in the dam now. Torrential rain falls from the water above. Then finally, finally it breaks.

    I am surrounded by rapids. I am drowning. Splinters of glass tear into me. Everything I am trying to distance myself from engulfs me at once. This is wrong. This is so wrong, what am I doing? The woman Henry loved is about to fall. She is about to die. I am me. I try and wrap my mana around her, to pull her up. But... it dissipates as it reaches her. I can''t use it against the intent of her grief. I leap forward and wrap my arms around her and she drowns with me.

    "No, Autumn. No, it''s not your fault. You don''t deserve this. I''m sorry. I''m so sorry, I don''t what I... No. It doesn''t matter. It is not your fault. Henry had a murderer, and I killed him. I killed the man who murdered all of them. It was no more your fault than mine. Please... I... I don''t know what to say I don''t... I love you, Autumn. I love you like a sister. And... And I am you. I pushed him. I pushed him and I pushed everyone. I understand the loathing. I understand the hate. I tried to lock myself away from it but... no. You tried to stop this the best way you knew how. So did I. But there are monsters in the world, Autumn.

    "There are monsters in every dark corner and we don''t always know how to fight them. How to hide. Sometimes we try and we make the wrong call. Sometimes we fuck up. Sometimes we fuck up again, and again, and again. And nothing will make it better. Nothing will heal the wounds of our mistakes. Of our false turns. Of our secrets. Henry isn''t coming back, and we can''t go to him. You know we can''t. But you and I... you and I care. We just want to stop the teeth and the claws and the hands under our beds. We just want the world to feel safe, and neither of us... neither of us saw every false step around every corner," I beg. She is still in my arms. She doesn''t fight. Not exactly. But she doesn''t hold me back. She lets her legs slide off the edge so only I hold her up.

    "Everyone in that city that is alive, is alive because of your mistakes," she challenges. "And everyone who is dead, is dead because of mine." I squeeze her tighter. That same intrusive thought invades my mind again, of squeezing her until I crush her. Throwing her over the edge. But this time, as she falls, she is me. I don''t want to die. But I know her. Letting her die on Henry''s behalf would be no different than jumping myself.

    "No," I sob. "No, that''s not true, Autumn. I know. I know because I am grieving. I am grieving for my brother. I am grieving for myself. I have lived my life grieving. Weeping for everyone else. Ed held me and I couldn''t grieve. My mother hit me and I couldn''t grieve. I couldn''t do it. I knew it was a simple push away, but I couldn''t grieve. But you... I confronted you, I heard the truth from you, and I could grieve. I hold you and I can weep. I can feel it. I can hurt. I can hurt, because you. You know. You know. You know."

    She remains limp, but I can feel her body shaking in weak sobs. "How do I move forward?" she asks. "How do I keep doing this?"

    "Please," I beg. "Give me one more day. Give me one more day, and weep with me. Let me weep with you. Say goodbye to my brother with me. And after that, let me ask again. And again, and again, and again, until I don''t need to ask for one more day anymore. Please. Please. Please."

    The next moment is eternal. The world storms around me. The tsunami of my own grief tries to throw me to the ground. It bites into me. It is agony and aimlessness. I drink it all in. I feel it, and I loathe it, and I am me. It''s weak, but she wraps her arms around me. It is the closest thing to assent I am going to get. She is her. I am me.

    <hr>

    "Finally awake huh?" Ember asks as I finally return to my room. She looks irritated but I don''t care. I finally got Autumn to bed. I ran into Clarisse and asked her to keep an eye on Autumn as well. Now, I need to face the family I left behind.

    "I''ll talk about our deal tomorrow," I dismiss. "I haven''t forgotten it but, alright. Just... go to sleep."

    "We don''t have forever to-" she starts and I walk up and flick her in the chin.

    "I said we''d talk about it. You''ll be alright, sport. Let me take a night off, yeah?"

    "Fine, but I will be knocking on your door in the morning," she insists. I roll my eyes. Honestly, fuck her. I don''t have the energy to spend on this, and she is really expending it. The fa?ade isn''t for her. I need to present it to Ed and Mom. I need to be the strong one. I failed earlier, but I need to make up for it. I don''t know if I can. But I need to. I blow Ember off and take a deep breath. Finally, I open my door.

    Ed is gone. My mom is gone. Instead, Sarafyna is inside, holding one of her hats and running her hand along the workshop Autumn and I made for her. Again I feel guilt well up. But as she looks over her shoulder at me, the overwhelming emotion I feel is relief. The fa?ade melts immediately and she runs to me as I allow myself to sob. I let it all catch up to me. The pain. The failure. The injuries. The truth about Autumn. The time away from Sara. Mom. Henry. She holds my head against her sternum and I cry all of it into her. I let it all out and months of exhaustion finally catch up to me. She accepts it all.

    I feel so, so selfish. These last few months have been torture for her. She has known nothing but fear and desperation and pain. But I can''t stop. She pulls it out of me with a single touch. She accepts it. I don''t need to be strong for her. I can be me.

    When we moved in here, we had separate rooms. But when I finally lie down for the night, rolled onto my right side, she is behind me, holding me. Letting me know it''s okay to sleep. It''s okay to hurt. I am safe.

 Chapter 58 - Promises

    Rune

    That trip was a massive headache. Traveling halfway across the planet just to visit some backwater village calling itself a kingdom. There was no direct route here. It is on the wrong side of the barrier, and the only way to get through it without approaching the Nexus took months. I am exhausted. And now that I get here, it''s even worse than I imagined. The buildings are fairly impressive, considering how the residents of... what was it again? Potestia? I have a hard time tracking all the minor little playgrounds in the third plane. This one has clearly been abandoned for far too long if the residents are escaping and trying to form new ones.

    They are doing alright, I suppose. Although there are startlingly few children about. There is little about at all, in fact, excepting the busy fumbling of people recently in distress. The most I am likely to find to entertain myself here are a couple of books based on their dull culture, and a few people to admire my Nexus magic. I wave down a man in something that looks like a makeshift uniform. I prepare for the tired song and dance I always go through as they assume I am a child. Asking where my parents are. Refusing to take me seriously. I already have a massive water spell brewing, not with mana but with the Nexus, just to skip that bit.

    He sees me and I roll my eyes, prepared to be brushed off by the very people I am here to help. "Lord Rune!" he exclaims instead, "You have returned! Thank the Collector, we need the help. Please my lord, it''s the stewards. They''ve been murdered. It''s the former queen... she... please, we need your help," he begs. I just look at him in bafflement.

    "What do you mean ''returned''?" I ask. "I''ve only just arrived?"

    <hr>

    Leo

    Charlotte and I stare in shock. We escaped the field easily, once my abilities manifested. But... the whisper sphere broke at the same time. The Radiant Woods wilts and recedes anywhere I walk. The world re-establishes reality, rejecting whatever warped atrocities have been done to it. I leave a trail behind me where the Radiant Woods cannot exist. But we are trapped, now. We don''t know where we are. We don''t know how to get home. We can''t call Lily. We don''t even know who won.

    All we can do is wander, and survive. That much has been easy enough. The sky over us is normal again. As we walk we discover rivers that heal as I approach. Charlotte''s magic keeps us safe. The itching on my face is unquestionable now. I have a beard growing in. Without Lily. Without Sara. Just me. Charlotte''s body is changing too. Slowly. In little ways. It is everything. It is slow but every morning, we both wake up a little more ourselves. More validated. Like river water, leaving dirt and impurity behind as it flows ever forward.

    But now, we both gape. We both stare. Because we found our first monster. Our first victim of the Woods. They were sleeping, as I approached. And once we got close enough, they began to change too. Teeth receding into their face. Extra joints and a hard carapace contorting and dissolving as a human man emerges. Weary, and wrinkled, and human. And I feel it. Getting back... that''s not what I want to do. I scratch my face as it becomes more clear. Charlotte and I don''t just need to find the other two who fell into the Woods with us. I want to find every single victim. I want to give them what I now feel. The body they belong in. The freedom that has been denied them. The future they deserve.

    <hr>

    Lillith

    I take a deep breath. Then another. My heart is as still as ever, so why does it feel so heavy? My fist hovers in front of the door, ready to knock. I helped bring down a country, but knocking on this door is far more terrifying. But I made two promises. I was reminded of the first this morning as my catty neighbor pounded on my door like she was trying to knock it down. The sound wasn''t the worst thing waiting for me with consciousness, but it wasn''t the best.

    The cold of a world I wanted to deny tried to freeze me to the bed. So many things reminded me of the reality I had left behind as I slept. Each one burned my skin like ice. The cruelty in it felt more real than ever. More unavoidable. More constant.

    There was also the warmth of a woman, reminding me I still had a reason to accept it. I woke up with my arm around her waist and my head on her shoulder. Something in her bleary eyes at the sound of the banging door still sent butterflies through my stomach. Even now.

    Ember would not be dismissed again. I promised to help her fight the sages, if they were what she said they were. I wanted the morning to catch up with Sara. To hear about what she went through. How she communicated with me, with Annie. How she took part of the Radiant Woods back. But... I made two promises, and the first was at my door. I shared a look with Sarafyna, the mist of sleep still in her eyes. A thousand words passed between us in the look, and I nodded. Then forced myself from the bed. I had one night. One night to be vulnerable. But the world is still waiting for me. And there is more left to burn.

    Ember was irritated, but quickly appeased when I agreed to begin planning to leave right away. She was easy. She was the first promise. She was the promise I could still fulfill. But I made two promises. Before I do anything else, I have to face the one I broke. What had I said? Something about keeping her real kids safe? It seemed so clever, so biting at the time. I suppose it still is. But it wasn''t supposed to bleed like this. I didn''t feel the sting, when she first slapped me. I brushed her off. I ran away. I can feel it now.

    I finally work up the courage to knock when the door opens. Again we find ourselves in a doorway, sharing a terrified look. My breath catches and my knuckles stay frozen in the air, ready to rap against a door that is no longer there. She and I share more than grief in that moment. More than loss. She feels as terrified of me as I am of her. As her hand raises to my face a second time, I flinch, and she freezes. A heavy moment passes, both our hands waiting awkwardly in the air. I feel that unique tension that always precedes oncoming pain, but instead her hand rests on my cheek. Her fingers are as cold as ice. Her gentle touch as warm as the sun.

    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

    I have to present a strong face for her. Same as I always have. Same as I did when she shut down the first time we lost Henry. Same as I always am, for everyone but Sara and Henry. For everyone but Sara. I steel my expression. I need to apologize. But I need her to know I am still strong. Still able to fight. I broke my promise to her, but I can still keep her safe. I can still keep everything she has left safe. I need to be the pillar holding a roof over her head. I need to be Lillith. I believe I can. I can take any biting words she has. Any condemnations. I can be her pillar and take her rage. Until she says a single word.

    "Lily," she whispers, and I am undone. I always feel taller than my mother, but I am not. It just feels that way. Lily. She called me Lily. Not Annie. Not even Lillith. Lily. She towers over me with a single, barely audible name. "Lily I... I''m sorry. I meant to bring you dinner. All of you. I don''t know... no, that''s a lie. I know what I was thinking. I shouldn''t have hit you. I just... Lily. I know you tried. I know. I know. I do, and I know Henry, he..." she trails off.

    She is speaking to herself as much as me. All my attempts to present a strong front have dissolved. I can taste the tears running past my lips. I can''t find the words. She speaks again in my stead. "I spent yesterday wondering if I was going to lose two of my children. My real children. I don''t know how I questioned that. When I saw you... when Sarafyna brought you back, I knew. I knew who you were. I know who you are. I''m sorry. I am so sorry. I love you, Lily. Thank you, for being alive. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for protecting my children."

    "I... I didn''t," I finally answer, "Henry..." I feel her hand tense, the tips of her fingernails just barely pressing against my cheeks. Her face grows tight for a moment, and I see it. I really am her daughter. She is shredded inside. But she... wants to be strong for me. She wants to put on the brave face I failed to present to her. It breaks my heart. But... I need it. I can feel it. It''s my turn. I failed her. I broke my promise. I let her son die. But she remembered I am her daughter, and she loves me just as much. And she is telling me it''s my turn. This only makes me cry more.

    "You protected two of my children, in a city where thousands died. So... thank you, Lily," she says. My hand, no longer furled for a knock but still awkwardly running through my own hair, finally falls. I rest my head on my mother''s shoulder. We don''t embrace. We still feel too much pain. My turn or not, this is a brave face she is putting on. The tension of my broken promise remains. Still. I can''t help being the broken one for a moment. I can''t talk about this anymore.

    "I... I have to go again, Mom," I say. I feel her tense up further, but she doesn''t speak yet. "I have more to do. More... promises. I have to leave. I have to help Ember. And Sara couldn''t find Leo and the others and..." I pause. She knows all of this. "But... I''m not taking Ed. I want a few people to come with me. But Ed and Gil... they''ll be here. With you. Safe," I promise.

    "I know," she finally responds. "I know. But... promise me. Promise me you will come back again? I want all th-three of my children safe. I want you safe too. Please... promise to come back?" I wrap my arms around her and bite my lip. I can''t. I can''t promise her that. Not after breaking my last one. It makes me feel sick when I open my mouth to try.

    "I''ll do my best," I answer lamely. She doesn''t respond for a long moment, then pulls herself back, away from me. Leaving me empty again. She gives me a terse nod.

    "Well. You had better begin making arrangements, then," she dismisses. She quickly retreats back into her room, apparently forgetting why she opened the door in the first place. A glistening from her cheek explains why. The mask was going to crumble. I sigh and my shoulders slump as I leave her alone. Sara''s warm hand runs over my shoulder as I reach the corner at the end of the hall.

    "How is she?" she asks. I walk alongside her for a moment before answering.

    "She is in pain. And she is wonderful," I describe, failing to elaborate any further than that. Sara doesn''t push and we walk in silence for a while. I don''t know where I am going, so I just approach a window, breathing in the fresh smell of the fruit and the foliage growing along the outer wall.

    "Who are we going to take with us?" She inquires, answering my request before I can make it.

    "You assume I am bringing you?" I joke half-heartedly. She hears the question behind the quip and gently bumps her shoulder against mine.

    "I am never leaving your side again, my love," she whispers in my ear. I close my eyes and let the clean air blow across my face.

    "Nor I yours," I agree. I need her to help search the Radiant Woods anyway. Something strange is going on with that, she should have been able to sense our friends the moment she entered. But they were nowhere to be found.

    "So. Who are we bringing with us?" she asks. I think for a moment. Maybe I think it will distract her. Maybe I think it will give her purpose. Maybe she really does need me, day after day, after day. Maybe I am just selfish and I need her, to remind me to feel. To remind me that, even with my mistakes, I am human.

    "Autumn," I reply. She is one of our weakest mages. But... if she''ll come, I want her with me. "And August, I suppose. Then just Ember." She nods. It''s a small group. And the twins may not agree. But I''d prefer a small group. Fewer people to protect.

    "The old team, back together again," she says. I smile.

    "Everyone but Pete," I challenge. She looks down.

    "Everyone but Pete," she agrees. She hasn''t spoken to me about her family yet. Her father and her son. She must have seen them, as I slept. But we have time. We have time to talk about everything. Because we are never going to be apart again. We remain quiet for a long time before she finally changes the subject. "I met a sage, you know."

    I look at her curiously. "And?" I prod.

    "A real asshole. I think Ember may be on to something. But... he said something to me. About my... scars." Of course. Sara is wonderful. Sara is amazing. Sara is beautiful. And she has been leaving so much space for me, but she has her own trauma and grief to unpack. The very scars she mentions are fading and returning to her face like a holographic card. "He said that... anyone who acted like they didn''t see them was lying." She leaves the question unasked. I nod.

    "I see your scars, Sara," I answer. "Of course I see them. Just as you see mine. Just as you have seen mine all morning. Just as you saw mine when I came home last night and needed nothing more than you. Your scars are you. They are a part of you. I see them, and I think of them constantly. They are one of the sharpest aspects of your beauty." As I say this, they lock into place, covering her face again, exactly as they should. She takes a deep breath through her nose and smiles.

    "Hey, Annie," she asks. "In your world... did they let women get married?" I give her a genuine, full-mouthed smile. The world is so dark. So hopeless. I hurt so, so much. I still can''t reconcile the fact of Henry''s... absence with reality. I can''t. But I do have a sweet woman by my side. A woman who loves me, and a woman who hurts when I hurt.

    We look out the window together, toward the east. There is a new world in front of us, and a newer one behind us. There are more chains left to break. I can move forward, if she can. I hold her hand in mine, and remember there is still hope, even when everything hurts the most.

    End of Volume 3

 Bonus Chapter - First Date

    I take a deep breath as I examine myself in the mirror, first looking left, then right. I��ll be honest. My makeup is spotless, if a bit�� intense. I may have leaned a little more goth than usual with the black today. Another relic of a past girlfriend and fond memories of my first date with her. It goes well with the simple, black sundress Mom helped me sew. I got a few friendly jabs from her about letting the skill lapse on my end, but she didn��t complain too much. All in all she seemed happy just to see me going on a date, however confusing my choice of partner was for her. This is one of the first dresses I��ve worn that fully displays my various tattoos, all across both arms and my sternum. I give the mirror a wide, black lipped grin.

    I look fucking great. Confident, hot, and deeply offensive to my original mother. The kind of look that would inspire audible gags from men with control issues as they decry my ruined skin, maybe half an hour before they furiously type ��tattoos�� into Pornhub. This was a look I couldn��t have gotten away with as Annie, not while teaching as a grad student. I have always wanted it anyway, but haven��t had much opportunity to show it off before now. I am thriving now that I finally can. Sarafyna is going to love it. She is going to love�� me. I let out something resembling an extremely uncharacteristic giggle before clearing my throat and looking around the empty room. That came out of nowhere, but I was blessedly alone when it did. I am just struggling to wrap my head around it.

    I have hidden my age from that woman for actual years now, not wanting her first impression of me to be that of a child. All in the hopes that when I finally looked like the adult I am, she would be interested in me. The downside of this is, of course, the fact that she hasn��t given me the ��look��. The look I have so often relied on to tell if women want me to ask them out. She did technically pursue me when we met, and she didn��t stop when I hit on her�� Alright, admittedly that interaction is less encouraging when both terms are used literally. At the end of the day, I have been trying to feel her out for years. Working up to telling her she would make a good partner in more than just violence. Finding her lips against mine before I had the chance was�� well, I could use a few more surprises like that in my life.

    And it was a surprise. I mean if you think women are hot, you think women are hot. The fact that it��s rarely if ever spoken of in Potestia can neither change that, nor how correct you are for it. Still, it is not discussed in Potestia. Going for the kiss is a big swing. I look in the mirror again and amend my evaluation. Alright, perhaps not that big of a swing. But I was nevertheless expecting to make the first move myself. I can��t help but blush a little as I give myself one last cursory look before heading out. Sarafyna kissed me. Not the other way around. That is more validation than I could have hoped for. And now, well I finally get to go on a date. Oddly, Sara was much more nervous about this idea than about locking lips but I suppose that��s the way of things. Really it��s just what we do all the time anyway, but with more form fitting clothes and fluttering eyelashes, so to speak.

    I glance at the two baskets I have prepared and sigh. Time to go. I used to be quite good at this, I think. But here I am again, anxiety gripping me like it��s actually my first time going on a date. I wonder if date anxiety resets with reincarnation or if it��s just the time between the two that is causing my hands to tremble a little. Come on Lily. You killed the damn king. You made a speech from the gallows to a crowd that was demanding your death. Surely, suuurely, you can go flirt with a cute girl over a picnic.

    *Thwonk* *Thwonk* The knocking on my door sends my soul from my body like ice down my shirt. Nope, this is definitely scarier. What the fuck is the deal with that? Lillith of Endings: Killer of Kings, the Mage of Mourning, useless lesbian. Check, check, and check. I take a deep breath, pick up both baskets, and approach the door. Then I pause and roll my eyes at myself before putting one basket back down and opening the door. Sara practically yelps as I do before regaining composure and straightening out. There is something comforting about the way she shares my nerves. I also don��t fail to miss the way her eyes flick up and down before returning to my eyes. The slight red in her cheeks reveals my suspicions were correct. I look fucking amazing. But Sarafyna�� Sarafyna is in a league of her own..

    She has no unique sundress. She wears no make-up. This may be a matter of preference, lack of experience, or uniquely because it gets too easily ruined when she splits her face like this season��s Stranger Things monster. Her scars are as prominent as ever, and she grips her peasant��s dress nervously while biting her lower lip. What she does have is an extravagant and feathered hat. She looks fucking amazing.

    ��Sara hi, I�C�� I start, tripping over her own question.

    ��Why two baskets?�� she blurts out. We both freeze for a moment before she looks down and I rub the back of my neck.

    ��Go ahead,�� I offer and she takes a deep breath.

    ��Um�� I asked�� about�� about the baskets,�� she struggles and I blush, holding up the one I am still holding.

    ��Oh, uh�� this is lunch. I made it myself!�� I reply with a grin. She looks down at the basket by my feet.

    ��What��s that one for?�� she asks. I blush for a different reason this time.

    ��That��s uh, also lunch. I didn��t make it myself, though. Mom and Gil�� well in case my attempts are less than edible,�� I respond. Her lips tighten as if struggling against a laugh, which only serves to make her more cute. ��Oh, just come on,�� I finally say, picking up the more presentable lunch and joining her outside my room. We share another awkward look before she notices my hands are full and closes the door for me. We stand around in silence for another agonizing ten seconds before I turn and start walking. Smooth as sandpaper. I swear I used to be good at this. Probably. I think. Fuck.

    The walk is a bit awkward as we head to the beach. We are going further instead of closer to the Radiant Woods this time. We both feel a little less sick the further we are, and this beach is wide. Both of us repeatedly open our mouths to speak, only to let out an empty breath. Calm, cool, and confident, that��s me. Except around hot women, apparently. We make it to a lovely spot. The weather is nice, the blanket I spread out is comfortable, we are both wildly different flavors of sexy. And we are both rigid as a board. Sarafyna I understand. This is the first time she has been on a date with a girl. This is her first time on a date at all, actually. But me? I have no excuse. I��m just a massive dork, at least when I��m not the monster under nobles'' beds. Shit, after this I��m going to have to hide under my own for a week. This was so much easier when we were just kissing. Kissing is easy, your partner never expects you to talk.

    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    Why is this so hard? We talk all the time. Then we lock lips in a vulnerable moment, talk about eating together for the millionth time in four years, and suddenly the sapphic goddess has stolen our voices from us. Useless.

    ��So, uh���� Sara ventures, finally breaking the eternal and rigid silence, ��You never told me what this tattoo was of?�� she asks, gently touching my right arm with two fingers. More electricity runs through me than that fucking bard who worked for Darian. I almost jump away, instead blushing furiously, which forces her to do the same. She pulls her hand back like she��s been shocked and I wince. ��Oh, uh, sorry,�� she apologizes and I shake my head.

    ��No, no, it��s fine, I promise, it is!�� I insist. ��It��s just�� it��s been a long time since I��ve done this. Out of practice, I guess.�� I chuckle awkwardly, then look at the tattoo she had touched before smiling. ��That��s Samus�� helmet. Well, close enough. I had to create it from memory.�� She tilts her head and looks at me.

    ��Samus?�� she presses and I smile gently.

    ��She��s a character in a game. One of my favorites, actually. I fucking died before Prime four came out, one of my greatest regrets as Annie,�� I answer, some of the rigidity fading as I start talking about my interests on Earth.

    ��You tattooed something from a game on your arm?�� she presses, more confused than judgmental.

    ��Well, yeah. All my tattoos are things I like. And it was a really good game! Samus is a cool, confident, but deeply troubled woman!�� I defend, despite the lack of accusation in the question. ��Besides, you would totally get a tattoo of your favorite hats!�� She wrinkles her nose in the most adorable way before shaking her head.

    ��I don��t like the idea of tattoos. I think I��d want to get rid of them as soon as I got them. And I think I��d lose them as soon as I tried to change anyway,�� she dismisses. A moment later she gets a look of horror on her face and starts frantically waving her hands. ��Oh no, I don��t mean I don��t like them! Yours look really attr- good. Yours look really good! I wouldn��t want you to lose them!��

    I can��t help but laugh, and with that the ice is broken. ��Well no worries,�� I joke, ��Only way I am getting rid of any of these is if I lose the limb they are inked into! I knew what you meant, lots of people like them aesthetically but don��t want any themselves. Don��t worry, I saw how you looked me up and down earlier, I know how you feel about them,�� I assure. Rather than assured, she turns a bright red and tries to pull the brim of her hat over her face. Not before unconsciously repeating the embarrassing offense, however. This only makes me grin wider.

    ��Collector, I��m in the third plane,�� Sara complains and I laugh harder. ��I�� I heard you talking to your mom!�� she blurts out as I recover my breath. I look at her in confusion.

    ��Heard what?�� I chuckle while she begins to release the brim of her hat, peeking at me from its shadow.

    ��When you told her�� how you felt about me���� she answers nervously. ��I went to give you�� something. And I heard you talking to her in the bath." A few pieces click into place. My earlier question about her confidence is answered in a minute. She knew I liked her. She knew I would be receptive. The fabled cheat code to knowing whether to ask a girl out or not. That certainly helps.

    ��Well, I��m glad I told her then. You are a good kisser,�� I keep teasing, until a thought occurs to me and my face pales. What exactly had I said to my mom again? Curves you and I are both jealous of�� Oh my god. That��s how Sara found out I was attracted to her? Welp. That��s mortifying. She clearly sees the moment I realize exactly what she overheard and lets out her own giggle, and it��s my turn to turn bright red. ��You know what, let��s start lunch,�� I say, changing the subject as quickly as I can. She seems to be on board with this, until I first present the basket with the lunch I prepared.

    ��That sounds like a good idea,�� she agrees. She gives me a polite smile as I pull the simple sandwiches out. She accepts one and takes a tentative bite. She does an excellent job of pretending it��s delicious, smiling at me while chewing. But my suspicions are confirmed when I take a bite of my own. It��s not�� disgusting. The best way I can describe it is ��technically nourishment��. It��s not terrible, but it��s not date food. I knew I wasn��t an amazing cook, but I do usually do better than this. I was the only one feeding Mom when she thought she��d lost Henry, afterall. As I keep chewing I start to wonder if this was the real cause of her depression.

    ��Well,�� I apologize. ��It��s not the worst thing I have ever done.�� Sara smiles politely, declining to comment. ��Alright, alright, this is why I brought two, come on now.�� I pull out the other basket, which includes a far more flavorful spread. ��I still deserve credit for this, they used seasonings I introduced them to,�� I insist. She takes a bit of this and her genuine enjoyment makes her previous performance far less convincing.

    ��Oh, this is really good!�� she exclaims and I narrow my eyes at her for just long enough to earn a sheepish look.

    ��So, tell me about this ��Samus��,�� she offers. And that��s it. I gush about games and books I like. She gushes about hats. I describe hats from games and we talk about them together. The sun sinks in the sky, and I rest my head on her shoulder. That electricity remains, but it is now a constant hum of happiness. I may be useless, but it was a good first date. I close my eyes and let the waning warmth of the sun wash over me, paling in comparison to the warmth of the arm wrapped around my waist.

    ��Thanks for coming today, Sara,�� I whisper.

    ��Thanks for�� everything, Annie�� she replies.

    It is the most beautiful moment I have experienced in this life, and I want to live in it forever.

    <hr>

    And that''s it for the bonus chapter, hope you enjoyed it!

    And now it is time for me to ask for your support!

    Pre-orders for book 1, Lillith of Endings, are now live here!</a>

    It would be doing me a huge favor if everyone interested bought a copy!

    Due to amazon metrics, pre-orders of the audiobook help most while buying on release day (January 21st) helps more for the ebook or paperback.

    You can listen to a preview of the audiobook here!</a> So for those planning to read or purchase both, please pre-order audio and order the main copy on release day!

    I would super appreciate any support offered this way. I''ll let you all know again on release day and, if you have KU, just reading the book again will help me out! Thanks so much everyone! The outline for book 4 is coming along nicely as well, I hope to be back to posting in the not too distant future.

 Chapter 1 - The Past

    The water is everywhere, violent and sharp. It batters and bloats me like a forgotten corpse. I fight to break free, but I can��t swim. I feel whole but as I struggle against the waves, only one hand exists to push the currents back. The sharpest waves carry the past with them, cutting into me and carrying my blood into the rapids around me. A thousand mistakes tear at me, a little at a time. Taking just a little skin as each collides with me. I can��t stop it; I can��t even breathe.

    Some of them are easy. Their stings are tolerable and familiar. An argument with Ed. Waiting too long to tell them about Annie. Realizing my father would hate me in this life as much as the last. Learning both of my parents hated me the first time. Then I am slapped in the face as I open my door and I know it��s coming. But not yet. First I have other mistakes to remember. They grow more painful. Mary, the child hoping for a brighter future. The girl I couldn��t protect. The other house of penance, burned to the ground. These eat at me far more. Then I am in a room with Autumn, yelling at her. Treating her like a woman far older than she was. I try to turn away but I am on a rooftop with her, fighting to want to save her. A roof top I put her on. And I know it is coming.

    Darian��s spell forms over the city because I was too slow. Grief like an avalanche tries to drown me. I use it to fight back, but I only grow stronger. I can��t save them all. I can��t. People are dying in the hundreds because I wasn��t careful enough. I wasn��t fast enough. I wasn��t strong enough. And their deaths were painful. Sudden. How must it have felt for their loved ones, to have a life and a family and to see them gone in a moment? How must it have hurt? I felt it. Every one. I want to turn away but I can��t. I am still being beaten and drowned by the furious waves. And then I am there. In that old abandoned building. Joking with my brother. Making light of my own misery as he retrieves the jewelry from my missing arm. I feel sick. I want to stop it. To change it. I can feel the mistake. When I break my promise to my mother. I can��t watch it happen again. I can��t.

    I have no choice.

    I turn, and I leave. I leave him there, after he helped to save my life. After he helped to keep me stable and sane. I leave him there. ��Stay safe��. These were the last words I would ever say to my brother. ��Stay safe.�� What a fucking joke. What does that even mean, in a city that is about to burn? ��Stay safe��. Stay fucking safe. I left him with a platitude, and he died. This doesn��t just cut into me. It tears through me. It carves a hole in my chest and tears at the flesh around my heart. It hurts. It hurts too much to bear, and suddenly I am back on that rooftop, not stopping Autumn from jumping but pushing her myself. Then I am there again, but I fall instead. One more day. That is what I had said to her. One more day at a time. I can face one more day. One. More. Day.

    My eyes are weary as I open them to a blurry world. There is something�� red in my face. My body is sore, revealing the poor quality of my sleep. Thick, crusty rheum cakes my eyes as I struggle to focus.

    ��Annie, are you alright?�� Sara asks. I blink a couple times and the red blur resolved into her auburn hair, hanging over me as she jostles my shoulders. ��You were�� whimpering, in your sleep again.�� I bite my lip in embarrassment at this. As I regain consciousness, I become disgustingly aware that I��ve sweat through my night shirt again. This does not help banish the feeling of vulnerability.

    ��Sorry, I didn��t mean to wake you,�� I apologize. Sarafyna has been through so much more than me. And yet, every single morning for two weeks, I have woken her up with my nightmares of leaving Henry behind. ��We do have a spare tent. You don��t have to deal with me every morning. I know you must be tired,�� I offer. I don��t know how I want her to respond. Her warmth has been what allows me to sleep every night, but the burden of putting that on her is unfair and it is getting to me.

    ��I want to be here with you. I like being here with you. And I could never leave you trapped in a dream like that,�� she dismisses. Her hand runs along my arm as she says this and I feel that familiar spark of warmth. It��s small but it radiates through me. And helps thaw the ice in my blood. ��Come on, let��s get cleaned up and make breakfast. It��s not long until sunrise.��

    I sniff, then nod as she stands. Even at night, shrouded in darkness, she is beautiful. I don��t know if I could keep doing this without her. But I can. ��One more day,�� I whisper.

    ��One more day,�� she agrees. She then looks down at me one more time with a gentle smile. Her scars are more prominent than ever now. The scars not just of her past but of what she did to survive it. I haven��t seen them fade or disappear since we took her back from the Kingdom of Endings. This too is beautiful. I finally stand as well and put up a sheet so both of us can get dressed. This act carries enough tension to collapse a lung, but neither of us knows how to move past it. We do this every day because, well. Life is strange. If we weren��t dating, it wouldn��t feel strange to change in front of each other. If we had started sleeping together, it would also be normal. But with everything that has happened�� It��s weird. We are both ready to move forward but both emotionally petrified by our recent history. So we live together. Share a tent while travelling. Sleep in the same bed, or bed roll as the case may be. But we both feel an ever building tension we are both too broken to address. Which leaves us with this sheet. God I am so useless with this shit now.

    As usual the tension fades a bit as we both emerge from our tent into our quiet campsite. We have been traveling for about a week now, finally fulfilling my promise to Ember. There are no roads on the route we have to take, as close as Sara could get us to this supposed border with the republic. We have had to travel on foot. Around us are three more tents for Autumn, August, and Ember respectively. As usual I first look to Autumn''s tent, still closed. I lift up my goggles to get a look inside, and see her still sleeping, or at least in bed. She hasn��t had any more luck with consistent sleep than I have. Ember too remains in her tent, but August��s�� August��s tent is empty. Immediately my hackles rise and my muscles tense.

    ��Shit, Where��s August?�� I curse, Sara raises an eyebrow and starts looking around while adrenaline floods my body and my breathing shortens. ��August? AUGUST!�� I scream. Where did he go? I can��t see him anywhere. We don��t know what is out here, we��ve never been this far before. Shit. Shit shit shit. ��August, where are you?�� I yell again. Sara��s hand rests on my shoulder. Autumn bursts out of her tent in her night gown and a panic while Ember blearily emerges from hers.

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    ��August is missing?�� Autumn immediately interrogates while Ember wrinkles her nose. I keep scanning the mundane evergreen trees all around us but he fails to present himself.

    ��Relax, he��s taking a piss,�� Ember dismisses. Almost immediately the man himself emerges, the colors appearing on my goggles a moment later. I pull them off and see my friend, messy hair and baggy pajama pants looking at me sheepishly.

    ��Sorry, sorry. I was only gone a moment!�� he apologizes before he sees my face and his own pales. ��Are you, uh, alright, Lil?��

    I shudder and try to shake it off, forcing my face into a neutral expression. ��N-No, I��m sorry. I don��t know why I�� I��m sorry,�� I apologize. What was that? Since when have I failed to keep calm over something so small? We haven��t run into a single enemy this entire trip, and I��d actually expected some of Ember��s old friends to show up at some point. But it has been safe. There is no reason to react so strongly to an empty tent. I must have seen and missed him with my radar spell, if he was that close. But I was panicking. Over nothing. Fuck this could get dangerous. I can��t be like this. People are counting on me to be better than this. I can see the same thought in Ember��s eyes. ��One more day,�� I whisper again. Autumn catches my eye and gives me a hesitant nod.

    After bringing down every king of Potestia, I had promised to help Ember. Or, at least see what her country was like. Meet the sages. But she needs the woman who fought for Potestia. Not this puddle of sweat and anxiety. How does Sara manage like she does all the time? How has she gone into the Radiant Woods so many times? I feel like I am the one shackled now. Once loss has struck once it��s like it lurks around every corner, waiting for an opportunity to strike again. No one says anything to me. Autumn and Sara understand. August does a little. And Ember�� is Ember. She is at her best when she is quiet regardless.

    It is awkward as we put breakfast together and pack up the tents. No one speaks really. But we have to get going. Another day on the road. We are quiet for hours. Ember is always too annoyed to talk to anyone. Autumn hardly ever speaks at all. And the awkward exchange this morning has silenced the rest of us. I spend the time reflecting on the state of my family when we left. My mother��s artificial warmth. Gilbert��s pleading that I stay. And Ed��s�� I don��t know how to describe Ed. He seems to have disconnected from reality entirely. One look at Sara reveals she is thinking of her own family, Sam and Peter. It��s a somber march toward Republic land.

    That is, until we emerge from the woods and a black dot finally appears on the horizon. Ember��s actual hackles rise. ��There it is. The barrier. I hope you are ready, Sarafyna. New sages often struggle to pass through this,�� Ember advises. I squint but I can��t make it out.

    ��That��s maintained by nexus energy?�� I ask. ��Any idea how that works?��

    ��How the fuck should I know,�� Ember retorts. ��I just know you can��t pass through without a nexus sage, and it protects us from the nexus itself.�� I roll my eyes at her,

    ��My apologies,�� I intone, ��I will stop asking questions. I��ll communicate exclusively with meaningless hand signals and make a plan to kill the sages based on whatever information that provides.�� I don��t expect her to be sunshine and rainbows but for fucks sake, is she going to make me regret every damn thing I don��t know shit about?

    ��Just don��t waste my time with questions I obviously would have told you about before, alright?�� she grumbles and I roll my eyes again.

    ��You know, I��d say you talk like someone who has never had their ass kicked, but I know for a fact you have. Don��t make me sic my girlfriend on you,�� I quip back. I say that, but I feel slightly grateful at the same time. For how insufferable she is, bickering with her makes me feel a little normal again. It allows me to think of, well, something that isn��t my brother.

    ��It��s�� it��s wrong�� Sara interjects and I am immediately covered in gooseflesh.

    ��What do you mean?�� I ask and she shudders.

    ��It��s like the Radiant Woods but�� sturdier? I don��t know. I don��t know���� she trails and I nod, moving closer to her and running my left hand against her back. Or, my real hand. I am still unused to my right. It feels real but�� not at the same time. I can��t tell if it actually itches or if that is a phantom feeling from the real limb I lost. In any case, we keep walking, and the speck in the distance gradually grows into, well, not a speck. A massive obsidian stone hovers in the sky. Even I can feel it now. The air around it, trying to reject us. To push us back. Every moment I think it is too large to exist. Then a moment later I learn I was not as close as I thought and it is even larger. Hours pass, partially due to distance and partially due to the slowing effect proximity to it seems to have.

    Everyone is exhausted by the time we stand beneath it, but eventually, it is nearly directly above us and Ember holds out a hand, making contact with an invisible wall. ��This is it,�� she says. ��We won��t be safe once we pass through here. There will be monsters. There will be bandits. And worst of all, there will be the Guardians of Stone. We cannot let our guards down and, if we run into anyone sapient, let me speak first. You will reveal your ignorance too quickly if any of you do,�� she warns.

    ��If only there had been a friendly resident of this country to answer our questions over the week it took us to get here,�� I scoff and she glares at me. ��Yeah, I get it. We appoint you public relations manager, the job you were clearly born for. Come on, we need to get through here. This stone in the sky is giving me the creeps.��

    ��I agree, we gotta get out of here,�� August chimes in and Ember stares at Sara.

    ��That would be up to our local sage here,�� Ember responds, looking at Sara, who is biting her lip and rubbing her arms as if she is cold.

    ��You alright, Sara?�� I ask, suddenly less focused on shit talking Ember and far more focused on the woman next to me. I need to pay more attention to her. If I have been struggling with the loss of Henry, how much must she have been fighting with her own trauma this entire time?

    ��I��m�� fine,�� she replies. ��Just�� it��s just not right. It feels like sickness. Like if sickness left my body and filled the air around me, but I can still feel it. You��re right, we need to get far away from here.�� With that she holds up one hand, and I can feel the pressure in the air lessen. Ember actually stumbles as the wall she is pressing her hand to seems to turn to liquid.

    I nod, wasting no more of our time or Sara��s effort than necessary. I take a deep breath, and walk forward into a brand new world.

 Chapter 2 - Across the Border

    Moving through the border felt like fighting my body in a dream. Like I don��t quite exist in reality and the signals from my brain to my body aren��t translating correctly. Well, most of my body feels like this. Stubborn, slow, and pained. Or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say all of my body feels this way. My right arm, leg, and left foot don��t struggle at all. My new�� pieces. The bits I haven��t accepted yet, and the pieces that run entirely off of mana. With this in mind, I send mana through my entire body, almost like I��m making a modification. Instead of altering my DNA, however, I simply move the rest of my body. Like I am using a remote control on my own body. The experience is�� bizarre. But It works. I move much more quickly and freely, emerging into freedom in a matter of minutes.

    As I look back, the rest of the group continues to struggle. Ember has a look of intense focus, but she sort of always has that. Nevertheless, she moves quite slowly. Autumn has her arm around August��s shoulder and he carries the both of them through, lagging well behind Ember. Sara stands directly in the middle, her hands to either side as if she is holding the sides of a doorframe. Her face is remarkably peaceful, even bringing a slight blush to my cheeks as I watch her. She doesn��t struggle to control herself at all. Her efforts go entirely toward helping us through. As always. How does she do it? After everything she has lived through, after what the nexus did to her, how does she make herself vulnerable to it again?

    My panic at August��s absence earlier in the morning haunts me. It��s not the first time I have overreacted since Henry��s death. Even leaving my family behind, in a safe place, was hard for me. After leaving Henry behind and�� I know I can��t protect my friends all the time. I know I can��t protect my family all the time. I have to trust them to fight on their own while I am not around. I know this. I have always known this. But the concept of the cost and the cost itself�� Henry was smiling when I left him. He trusted me, and he paid for it. And I can never apologize for my failure. How can I take friends to a hostile territory and turn my back on them again? How can I face my pain like Sarafyna does? I don��t know. But I need to figure it out.

    As I run in this little hamster wheel in my mind, Ember emerges, irritated as ever. Well, almost. She is irritated but something is�� missing. It��s almost like meeting an identical twin. That feeling of recognition colliding with an indescribable understanding that you are looking at a different person. It��s not exactly the same; I do recognize her as Ember. But�� I feel more comfortable around her, despite her scowl. Like some weight between us has been lifted for some reason. In fact, now that I am distracted from�� now that I am distracted, I realize it��s not just Ember. I feel like I��ve just removed weights from my arms and legs. I am no stronger, but I feel lighter than I have for as long as I can remember. Like seeing the night sky from the desert instead of the city for the first time.

    ��What is taking them so long? That was a far easier trip across the border than the last. Your girlfriend there is a remarkably powerful sage. Those twins should already be here,�� Ember complains. Whatever has changed about her, it isn��t her winning personality.

    ��Well they haven��t crossed it before, you have, cut them some slack,�� I rebuke.

    ��It didn��t seem to bother you much,�� she challenges and I sigh.

    ��Yes, well. I lost a lot of weight recently,�� I explain, flexing the mesh covered fingers of my artificial hand. ��Made it easier.��

    Ember grunts in irritation. ��I don��t know why you asked those two to join us. They aren��t strong enough. They��ll only be a liability. You had far better options,�� she says and I take a deep breath through my nose. I want to answer her, but I can��t. I don��t know why I wanted the twins. Not�� exactly. I certainly can��t articulate it. So I change the subject.

    ��I need to get stronger myself. A lot stronger. If these sages are as bad as you say. I��m no more prepared to fight them than they are,�� I respond.

    ��Especially here, on this side of the border,�� Ember agrees.

    ��What does that mean?�� I ask. Why would it matter which side of the border we are on?

    ��You can��t feel it? You really are off your game. No matter, you��ll see what I mean soon. You��re right. You need to get stronger. Do you have a plan for that?�� It��s her turn to avoid a question, I see. I��ll have time to ask about that tonight. For the time being I can simply answer her question. I look at my new arm, allowing the royal aura to reveal itself for a moment. It��s far weaker than it was in Visenar, but there are fewer people around and we are further from the Radiant Woods. Not nearly as much grief to support it. Nevertheless, it looks like defiance of reality itself, cracking and distorting the air around it with colorless mana.

    ��I need to learn to use this better. If I am going to have these�� stuck to me. I need to make use of the boost they give me. And, well. Now that the cancer is under control�� I mean it isn��t gone, but it is under control�� In any case, I can start altering my body again. A lot of dead bad guys who wouldn��t be dead without my crimes against the Collector on that front,�� I answer honestly. Ember physically recoils at the final suggestion but seems to regain her composure fairly quickly. She apparently has not moved past her revulsion at altering the body. I really need to interrogate that at some point. It is not unique, exactly. People fear change and loss of control in every world I��ve lived in. But there is something�� pervasive about this particular idea that smells more than the usual flavor of rotten.

    ��Well. Whatever it is, do it quickly. Now that we��ve crossed the border, you��ll need as many tricks as you can get. You��re not in your playpen anymore,�� she condescends. Again something in the back of my mind prickles at her words but nothing feels normal right now. Instead of answering her, I simply examine the mana around my arm. I need to get stronger. I need better, faster spells. And perhaps, I need to consider leaving humanity behind entirely. If anyone can recognize a hot girl after she grows claws, it��s my girlfriend. I suppose it depends on how discreet I can remain in this new country.

    On the one hand, I am apparently the great evil prophecy of death and destruction come to life. On the other hand, that��s the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard in two lives. I will acknowledge that I, apparently, have been reincarnated. I am living an entire second life. I cannot dismiss the idea that there is a goddess somewhere who is responsible for this. I certainly lack a biological explanation for it. But this does not mean I accept some bullshit prophecy as holding water. I am almost certainly not the only one either. I have seen other women with similar physical traits as well. Even my red eyes, while not extremely common, show up in other people.

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    I��ll talk with Sara about it when she is done. As that thought crosses my mind, Autumn and August emerge at last, exhausted, but on the other side. I rush to their side immediately as both gasp for breath. Sara strolls out easily and joins us before I can even speak, putting her hand on Autumn��s shoulder and presumably offering her a little divine strength. It works as the color returns to the weary girl��s face.

    ��Are you alright, Autumn?�� I ask quietly.

    ��That was impressive, Sarafyna. The sage who brought me over last time didn''t make it half so easy,�� Ember calls from behind me. I growl but don��t respond. Sara is wrong. I am not the most tone deaf woman in the world. Or she is intentionally mocking the twins for struggling, in which case I may need to leave a rotten fish in her tent tonight. In either case, that doesn��t matter right now.

    ��She��s�� she��s just tired,�� August explains, giving me a worried look his sister can��t see. ��It��s been a�� long week.�� Autumn looks up at me with the fatigue of the nearly apathetic.

    ��One more day,�� I say. Only her eyes move, meeting mine.

    ��One more day,�� she agrees halfheartedly. It��ll have to do. I��ll let August comfort her for now. She is more comfortable around him anyway, and more so since��

    ��I think that��s enough for today. Is there an inn or something anywhere near here, Ember?�� I ask.

    ��Why would there be an inn? We are hardly in the city,�� August inquires.

    ��Potestia is, or was, weird as fuck,�� I answer honestly. ��Nothing made sense there. I imagine smaller settlements and travelling traders are more common over here. Inns outside of major cities are considerably more likely, even if they are only in little farming towns. So, Ember?�� I ask again.

    ��Not this close to the border,�� She dismisses. ��Only the Guardians of Stone come anywhere near here, and they live in something of a company town. We��ll have to camp again.��

    ��Ugh,�� I spit. ��Mortified to hear the concept of company towns exists here. But I suppose we didn��t come all this way for no reason. Alright. Sorry, Autumn, August. I don��t think hanging around here to meet these ��Guardians of Stone�� is a top ten idea of all time. We need to find a place to camp as soon as possible.��

    ��This way,�� Ember says with little fanfare before turning and walking away from the invisible wall behind us. A bit rude, but no time to complain. I am enjoying the extended break from murdering people, especially after watching Godfrey die. I don��t want to break the streak because I got in a fight with a pissy Ailur and let the border patrol find us. I sigh and look back at the twins. August nods and Autumn looks down. It��s confirmation enough and I follow Ember. There are more woods a few hundred yards away, almost like they had been cleared for this wall. If we move quickly, we will have concealment in no time at all.

    Sara catches up to me in short order despite the quick pace everyone is keeping.. ��Are you doing alright Annie? You look tired,�� she pokes as soon as she is beside me. I look up with a tight smile.

    ��Not even fucking close. But�� yeah,�� I answer as honestly as I can. She seems to understand. ��You?�� I follow in kind. I should have been asking her that every day for years. I don��t intend to let it go unsaid ever again.

    ��No. Not even a little. But�� yeah,�� she answers in kind. As we make it to the safety of the trees and pass inside, I offer her my hand. She accepts it quietly and happily as we slow to a walk. ��So, what were you talking about with Ember while you waited?��

    I look down at my free arm, my steel arm, before responding. ��Getting stronger,�� I answer. ��Now that the cancer is under control, thanks to�� these, I am first trying to decide how I can�� improve myself to get stronger. I want to explore the new way I gather mana as well, and what I can do with these new limbs but�� I��m not sure. They don��t feel like mine in the same way. Like I didn��t choose or design them. So I want to start with something I did choose first,�� I explain. Sara squeezes my organic hand gently, sending another burst of aimless warmth through me.

    ��I can understand that. I do think���� her scars actually intensify as she speaks, ��I do think they will feel like you eventually. But I understand. So, what is the problem?��

    ��Well, I have always made changes based on visibility before. I am wondering if something like claws to deliver poison would be better. Or hell, horns. Carapace. Scales. Real, visible changes. Things to give me a more obvious leg up in a fight�� or, equal amount of legs I guess.�� I explain.

    ��But giving horns to the famous demon queen of legend might be a little conspicuous?�� she guesses and I nod.

    ��Something like that. But I already match the description they have of me. I figure that ship has maybe sailed already,�� I suggest.

    ��Perhaps, but you still look human, if you cover your arm. Looking a bit like a a character from a famous story isn��t quite so obvious as scales,�� she counters.

    ��You��d think. But believe me. A passing resemblance to a woman people are scared of and a sharp tongue? There are people back on Earth who��d have me burning as a witch before I ever cast a spell,�� I quip.

    ��You could always change your hair and eyes,�� she suggests. I shake my head.

    ��That would be a waste of time I could spend getting stronger, unless we invent contacts and hair dye. Besides, the scar refuses to go away no matter what I do. That��s going to be a big tell,�� I dismiss.

    ��Well. I suppose we can reach a town and see if anyone ties you to a stake,�� she jokes.

    ��I mean if you think that��s a good idea, you can tie me to whatever�C�� I stop myself midjoke, then blush. ��Uh, yeah that��s what we��ll have to do. I can make a decision after I see how other people respond. Probably wise, it really does seem likely I��ll be fine like this.�� Ugh. Get it together, Annie. That was close to crossing a line, and the blush reflected on Sara��s face reveals it.

    She leans in close to my ear and whispers ��Well, for what it��s worth, I think you would look great with scales.�� My blush deepens and electricity runs down my spine. I try to respond, but another voice loudly interrupts our conversation.

    ��HALT!�� A man yells from behind us.

    Well. Fuck.

 Chapter 3 - Seeing Red

    ��Sara, comms,�� I whisper and she nods in affirmation. She knows exactly how to respond, but I was hoping we wouldn��t need it so early. I don��t feel anything different, but Sara squeezes my hand as she increases her concentration. I take a deep breath as I wait for another command from the intrusive voice.

    ��All of you, halt and put your hands over your heads!�� the voice calls again. I put my hands in the air as instructed, hesitating to let go of Sara for only a moment. I want to turn and look for the twins, but I am familiar enough with this situation to avoid sudden or unasked for movements, at least until I know I can get away with them. Unfortunately, I don��t know what we are dealing with here. What sort of weapons, magic, and procedures I might need to respond to. Still, I itch to check on the twins. It��s like a hook in my cheek wants me to turn around but I know it��s not safe to do so. I should have had my goggles on, I would have seen this coming and hidden in time. Or at least I��d be able to see the twins now.

    It occurs to me the goggles are a convenience, and I can still cast all the necessary light magic directly. Unfortunately, I barely summon a spark of the mana necessary before the man shouts at me again. ��If you try and cast a single spell I��ll kill you where you stand. Hold still, and do not cast!�� I curse internally. Of course. It��s been so long since I��ve been this far from the Radiant Woods�� I forgot what other mages have to deal with. My mana is visible here. Even with Autumn and I, there is not enough grief to completely erase the visibility of my mana to other mages. And so I am stuck blind to everything behind me. This knowledge digs into the back of my head like a slow drill. But I have to be smart. I have to wait.

    ��We aren��t attacking!�� Ember assures our assailant. Good, she is finally fucking speaking. ��Have you cut off his whisper sphere?�� She adds under her breath.

    ��I think so,�� Sara quietly confirms. ��It doesn��t feel exactly the same, but it��s similar. It shouldn��t be working right now.��

    ��You think so, or you know? This isn��t a fucking game!�� Embers hisses.

    ��She thinks, that��s what she fucking said. Just talk to this guy and try and get us out of this, you��ll have to gamble a little. That��s how this shit works,�� I defend and Ember scoffs. At the moment we hear swearing behind us.

    ��Piece of shit,�� the man challenging us complains and I smile.

    ��Sounds like she has it cut off,�� I whisper.

    ��All of you, turn toward the sound of my voice!�� the man commands. I comply and sigh in relief the moment I turn and see the twins doing the same. It is sickening, the amount of weight that simultaneously lifts and falls on my shoulders as I see them. I still carry a lot of anger for Autumn. I still rely on her continued survival. I never left that tower where I hoped she would jump as I tried to talk her down. I choke the complex well of emotions down and examine the man threatening us.

    The first thing I notice is his humanity. He is neither an Ailur nor Volu. So the two new cultures Ember has described to me aren��t the only ones involved in border patrol. He has a bow pointed at us, one of the first I��ve actually seen in this world. With magic spells and no need to really hunt, the tools existed but were not widespread in Potestia. Interestingly, it is a compound bow. I am no historian but I don��t believe Earth had those before the 20th century. He also lacks a quiver or any other way to store arrows, although he has one drawn. He is, notably, struggling to hold the weapon steady. This may be the first time he has ever actually had to do his job. Which means he may be especially ready to let that arrow fly.

    ��We��re so sorry, you��re a Guardian of Stone, right?�� Ember calls to him. I suppress a scoff. I guess she doesn��t always have thorns on her tongue, just with her allies. ��We don��t mean any harm, we just got lost while camping, then when we saw the stone from a distance well, we��ve always wanted to see it!�� This lie does seem to calm him a bit, but not enough. He is still trembling far more than someone with a drawn bow pointed at other people should. I��m fairly certain I could put up force mana in time to block an arrow if he does loose one, but I��d rather not risk it. And it seems like any too sudden movement will put that to the test. Hell, I feel like I��m back home already.

    ��You willingly approached the border with the Nexus, in a restricted area, just to see a stone?�� He asks incredulously. ��Do you think I��m an idiot?��

    ��No, of course not!�� Ember assures him. ��Truth be told, if anyone is an idiot it��s me. It��s just�C�� Ember starts but the arrow points directly at me as the assailant interrupts her.

    ��Your friend there. Red eyes. A scar over the left. Black hair. Sounds awfully familiar to the Celestial Sage��s revelation about the demon queen. And you brought her this close to the nexus?�� he interrogates and I police my expression as best I can. That��s one tick in favor of starting new body modifications now. If I am going to have to obscure my face and body either way, I might as well have the extra advantage in a fight. But perhaps he only made the connection because of our proximity to the border. Ember laughs as I contemplate how quickly I was identified, and it only takes me a breath to join her. It��s immediately obvious what angle she is hoping to take here.

    ��Oh, shit, you had me going for a second there. It��s not funny, comparing people to the actual demon queen! But I guess that is our fault. It��s something of a�� game. We��re enthusiasts, of a sort. The scar is just makeup and her hair is dyed. We are so sorry, we meant to be in and out. We don��t want any trouble,�� Ember insists. The man seems to relax and tense at the same time as his anxiety shifts to clear annoyance.

    ��Oh, you��re some of�� those perverts,�� He groans. Alright, rude. You do not need to be a pervert to dress up like me. I��m cool as shit! Although it is a relief to hear there are methods of hair dye available. Maybe I��ll be able to disguise my identity after all. ��I don��t care what sort of sick interests you have. This is a restricted area. I��m going to have to take you all into custody. All of you, slowly lower yourselves onto your left knees, and your left knees only!��

    Ember groans as the man instructs us one movement at a time to a more easily controlled position. ��Don��t let him see your arm, or any of your prosthetics,�� she hisses under her breath. ��If he sees those, he will try to kill us.�� I suppose these are probably not widespread in this new culture. Although they could be, if they aren��t being held back somehow like Potestia. It didn��t exactly take us decades to figure them out. Mana makes advancement much easier to pursue. Still, it seems like immediately trying to kill us is an extreme reaction.

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    ��Kill us? Don��t tell me these are part of this fucking prophecy? If there was a prophecy about my missing limbs and you didn��t say shit I swear to God Ember���� I whisper back as I lower to my second knee.

    ��Don��t be absurd, of course there isn��t. He will still try to kill us if he sees them, however. Hide them, whatever it takes,�� she insists.

    ��Why didn��t you say something about that before we tried to fucking sneak past them?�� I counter quietly. Meanwhile I am forced to take a prone position at our enemies�� command.

    ��I�C�� she starts then stops, like the answer gets caught in her throat. ��I�C�� again she can��t answer. It doesn��t sound like she is struggling to explain herself. Not in the way I would expect. Her voice is confident until something plugs it like a cork.

    ��He��s approaching,�� Sara warns and we all quiet down. I��ll have to get an explanation later.

    ��Shit���� The man whispers as he approaches. There is a moment of silence as his footfalls stop and nothing happens. Then, he approaches me. He must have passed the twins which seems unwise, until an unfamiliar woman addresses him.

    ��Is your sphere working? I can��t contact Guardian one,�� she inquires.

    ��No, something must be affecting all of them,�� he answers with irritation. ��And I only have one set of shackles. Toss me yours, we can at least restrain two of them for now. Fucking insane tourists.��

    ��It would be pretty strange for tourists to show up at the exact time our whisper spheres failed. Are you sure they don��t have a sage?�� The woman questions. Meanwhile, I hear shuffling as she provides her partner with a spare set of shackles while, presumably, keeping her distance as his overwatch.

    ��No way a sage would just let us arrest them. I thought so too, especially with this one�� I��ll admit I got a little spooked. But if she or any of the others were who they looked like, well. They would have just killed us both,�� the man dismissed. Well, he��s not entirely wrong.

    We could kill him, I suppose. But there are a few details that make this less than an ideal solution. I don��t actually know fuckall about this new country, or why these people are guarding the border like this. Since I am not actually an evil demon queen, I can��t just kill someone without at least some sense of the situation. Not even border patrol. For all I know, they are here for the supposed monsters in the Radiant Woods. Even if I could, people investigate when their guards die or disappear. I would much rather be caught and released than avoiding a manhunt on the road for the next few weeks. Provided that is an option, and Ember seems to think it is.

    I guess this could be a long con from Ember but I don��t think so. Especially if she is worried about my limbs being discovered. In any case, I don��t mind leaning into the understanding. If we can get back on the road without being chased, I��m happy to let them briefly believe that the Demon Queen Lillith is a mindless murder machine. I feel the man��s presence as he hovers over me, and I sigh as I am of course one of the lucky two to be restrained. His knee rests on my back as he grabs my left hand and secures a shackle around it. I immediately feel the mana in most of my body dissipate. I immediately feel pained and faint as my tumors breathe in the freedom my missing mana gives them. So this is what these feel like without my circle.

    Of course, that is the mana in most of my body. My�� unique appendages continue to gather mana from all around me, even pulling some from the overloaded cancer cells throughout my body. My mouth fills with the taste of copper but I am able to flood my veins with mana from my arm and legs. It��s only as the magic returns and fights against this dissipating cuff that I realize blackness had started to edge at my vision and blood had begun to run down my nose. Yet, I am fine. It is both a relieving and terrifying revelation. What would disable most mages would kill me, if not for these tools. These tools partially designed by Ember. Ember who�� fuck. Ember who told me not to let this shit head discover them.

    Just as this thought finally makes it through the dizziness, I feel him grasping my right arm to cuff as well. I can read the future in the moment of hesitation that follows but it��s too late. He is forcing my sleeve up. ��She��s a cultist!�� he cries. I can��t see him. I can��t see anything but the dirt, mud, and leaves. But I can feel it. Like the moment before a car crash or that breath before diving into the water. Ember was right. He is about to kill me.

    I erect a wall of force behind my back and hear the strain of the arrow as inertia pushes it into a greater opposing force. It was maybe an inch from my skull when I stopped it. Well. That just about answers how careful I have to be with this man��s life. His knee is still lodged in my back, indicating he rapidly drew and released an arrow from extremely close range. But he is not strong enough, not to hold me down. Especially not after he just tried to fucking murder me.

    I tear both my arms from him, noticing greater resistance with my right than left. It is considerably feebler, which will take some getting used to.

    I stand as if there was no weight on my back at all and my would-be murderer stumbles to the ground, a look of pure terror on his face. My boot lands on his neck, reinforced by force mana and holding him down as I scan the area for his friend. I don��t find her immediately and anxiety wraps its hands around my throat. I look toward Sara, then the twins, and finally Ember. Sara and Ember have already regained their feet where August and Autumn struggle. Where is the other one? Where is she?

    I finally remember my goggles and rush to put them on. There is a strangled howl of pain that sends chills through my spine. Who is it? Who��s hurt this time? Who did I let die this time? The world is color. The goggles let me see everyone but I can��t make out what state they are in. Someone is trying to scream�� gurgling, choking on blood. I shouldn��t have bothered with the fucking goggles, she took advantage of my guard being down! I failed again. I was right here but I failed again! But something isn��t right. They are all still standing. On alert. Using their own mana. No one is�C the gurgling cries cut off and I almost slip in the blood beneath my foot. Fuck. I��d forgotten him. But where�C there she is. I catch a flicker of color behind me. I put up a force barrier, but I am too slow. Her arrow flies past me, toward Henry.

    I scream and charge her. I want to save him. I have to stop her from hurting him again. I think she is one of the bird people? I can��t remember what they are called. I can��t remember anything. The color takes over and fills my vision and my consciousness alike. I am still screaming, and hitting, and hitting. I am on the ground, my fists colliding with the bird woman. The world is blue and red and black. I keep swinging. I keep screaming. I keep sobbing. I am still hitting her. Beating her. Making her pay. I can��t stop myself. My right hand holds her throat as my left swings again and again. Hands try to catch it but I refuse to slow down. Another set of hands grabs my right shoulder and tries to pull me off. I can��t remember what I am doing here. I have to save Henry.

    ��Annie!�� Sara screams into my ear. ��Annie we are alright! We are all okay! You can stop now! Please, stop now!�� I feel dizzy as her voice finally breaks through to me. I pause and pant. My fist protests in agonized pain. Someone pulls the goggles I used to find my opponent off. Below me is the Volu woman who tried to kill one of us. What is left of her. She is no longer recognizable as a previously sapient creature. Sara is trying to heal me, and as I look at my remaining human hand I see why. My fingers are mangled and broken, unable to take the strength I��d put behind each blow. They are open and bleeding, with fragments of beak lodged into them. I hadn��t even noticed.

    ��Is He�C is August alright?�� I finally ask. ��Is everyone alright? Did I save them?�� I plead. Sara looks at me with sorrow like I haven��t seen since she thought her father had fled from her.

 Chapter 4 - Cowardice

    We run. Because of me, we run. Autumn is exhausted. Ember is annoyed, as usual. Sara and August are both terrified on behalf of someone they love. And my fucking hand still hurts. Sara did her best to heal it for me, but we didn��t have a moment to spare. I��d killed two guards, and I��d done it loudly. Even now, I shudder under the burden of Sara��s concern. I can��t do that again. We were lucky that time. Sara protected August from the arrow that missed me, and there was no one else around. But this won��t be the last time we are in danger. This won��t be the last time the people I care about are in danger.

    I have always trusted my friends and family to take risks. I have always known those risks wouldn��t play out in my favor forever. But there is knowing, and there is feeling the pound of flesh torn from you as you hear someone who counted on you is dead. In an instant. With no warning. I wasn��t even there to witness it. I didn''t even know to grieve for hours after his death. And it hurts. It fucking hurts. So my trust is wavering. My ability to let the people around me manage their own risks is decaying. Or maybe my entire mind is decaying. In either case there is a fear that lives in my chest now, beating like my heart won��t. A fear I haven��t the courage to face. When that courage is necessary, I spiral. I panic. I see colors and I splinter the bones in my hand against an already dead enemy.

    It��s going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, I can feel it. I am going to panic again, and another arrow will miss. Another enemy will slip away from me. And because I was too afraid, someone I love is going to die again. I know this. I know this down to my marrow. Which is why Ember isn��t the only one who is furious at me. I am too. If it were a simple choice, I could change. If I were deciding to put everyone��s safety entirely on my own back, I could recognize the flaw, and stop. But it��s not. I��m not consciously choosing to forgo wisdom to protect them at all costs. At least then I could do it competently. It��s something far, far worse. It��s cowardice. I have become a coward. I am too afraid of turning my head and returning to find another corpse. I am too afraid of the rough hands of fate digging through my heart like a vulture picking away pieces of rotten meat.

    And now we run. And run. And run. We can��t hesitate. We can��t rest. Because the Guardians of Stone are going to go looking for their missing people. They will find little, thanks to Sarafyna. The bodies now live in her scars, providing her with extra mana she can hardly use. This is likely the only reason we have a chance of escaping. Because missing guards could be drunk. But corpses mean enemies. Regardless, we can no longer risk finding a quiet place to camp. We have to get away from the border now. As we run, I notice Autumn clutching her side. The sun sinks in the sky. I hold up a fist, indicating we need to stop.

    ��Not yet,�� Ember hisses. ��Thanks to you, we need to get further from the border before they start looking for invaders, rather than deserters. �� I nod. It��s somewhat debatable whose fault it is entirely, considering the details about my arm she failed to inform me of until after we were caught. But I own that it was at least partially my fault. If anyone heard my screaming, we may have less time than we think.

    ��I know that, Ember. But pushing past what everyone can do will slow us down, not speed us up. We need to stop and let Autumn rest, or at least figure out a way to move forward without putting more strain on her,�� I explain.

    ��I can keep going, it��s fine,�� Autumn chimes in.

    ��No, it��s not. You��re exhausted and so am I. Lily is right,�� August insists, reprimanding his sister.

    ��He��s right, Autumn. Trust me. Pushing yourself further than your body is capable of will only cause problems. It��s why it took me so long to get���� I trail off and take a deep breath. ��I have let people down because of it in the past.��

    ��Then why did you bring dead weight?�� Ember snarls.

    ��Because I need her!�� I growl back. ��Look, we just need a new plan. Autumn, I can carry you. I have plenty of energy left.�� Ember scoffs at this and crosses her arms as she looks away. Whatever clarity I felt from her when we first crossed the border has vanished; I don��t know when. She is back to the familiar woman who saved my life in the most insufferable way possible.

    ��I don��t want to be a burden,�� Autumn protests and I shake my head.

    ��I��m the burden. Come on, we don��t have time to debate this,�� I insist. She looks away guiltily, but sniffs before nodding. As I kneel down to give her the chance to climb on my back, I notice Sara modifying herself. The sick, fleshy, liquid sound of it is a little unsettling, even after all these years. At the same time, it is familiar and I have a strange positive emotional reaction to it. New muscles tighten her sleeves as her pants tear to make way for an extra set of legs.

    ��August, you look tired too. The rest of us have advantages you don��t. I��ll carry you as Annie carries Autumn,�� she offers. August blushes.

    ��Oh no, I really couldn��t let a woman�C�� he starts but I cut him off.

    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

    ��Oh shut up. She already tore her clothes. And she��s a badass. Let her carry you. You need the rest just as much as Autumn,�� I reprimand. He looks like he wants to argue but�� August is August. He sighs and nods, only blushing a little as he climbs up on my girlfriend��s back.

    ��Collector, I feel like a child,�� he grumbles, but he complies anyway.

    ��Are you all done? Can we get going or do we need to go around the circle and express our feelings a little more? I��m fine either way. If I have to be executed for treason and the occult I��ll be glad to know you thoroughly discussed who was the biggest burden first,�� Ember taunts.

    ��Shut the fuck up, we are going,�� I challenge, too emotionally exhausted to quip back. And, as soon as I promise, I follow through. We are running again. Despite the extra weight, we do move faster this way. Ember literally bounds on all fours while I am easily able to increase my pace without having to match the twin��s top speed. And Sara? Sarafyna is artistry in motion, and not just in the way all women are. No, she moves like a spider with fewer legs. She responds to every bump and obstacle like water, flowing over, around, and through them with an easy glide. It must feel like flying to August.

    Or, considering her long hair flying in his face, maybe he is reconsidering his willingness to travel this way. Either way, we move quickly. Incredibly quickly. We run for hours, and even I have to start drawing more heavily on mana to stay awake. It is Ember who first tires and slows as the wooded path transitions to open field and finally, what is clearly a well traveled road. She slows to a jog, then a walk, then finally stops to catch her breath as we move from grass to dirt. I am a sweaty mess. Autumn and August are both asleep, Sara is a goddess, and Ember��s fur is matted with dirt. All of us are ready to take a break.

    ��Autumn,�� I whisper, ��Autumn, I need to take my bag off.�� She stirs quickly, sleep being a gift of exhaustion rather than comfort.

    ��Are you alright?�� She asks before she even takes in our surroundings.

    ��I��m fine, you are just covering the strap. Sara needs a change of clothes before we run into anyone. We all do, really. It��s been a long day. Well, night, now. We don��t need to be answering any questions about our current state,�� I explain. Ember looks back at me, literally panting in exhaustion. She quickly tries to compose herself but like the rest of us, she hardly has the strength to do so properly. I gently let Autumn down as I approach her to find out what she wants to say. My left arm is stiff as sin but my right is comfortable. Small favors of dismemberment, I suppose. Regardless, I take the bag, hanging irritatingly from my chest, and start digging for new clothes.

    The group arranges itself in a familiar pattern with a dreary August temporarily taking point as everyone changes and he tries to focus entirely too hard on the road in front of us. ��This�C�� Ember takes a deep breath. ��This should be enough. I know where we are now. Provided you keep your�� alterations hidden, we should be no more suspicious than anyone else passing by. A few more miles and there is an inn as well,�� she says much to the relief of all involved.

    ��An inn, in the middle of nowhere? Still seems weird to me,�� August calls back, his head rigidly looking forward. I chuckle a little as Autumn, the slowest to change, pulls a new shirt on.

    ��Relax, August, we��re all dressed. And this is not the middle of nowhere. Based on the state of this road I��d say it��s well traveled, maybe even a major trade route,�� I answer.

    ��What for?�� he presses, finally turning around and rejoining us.

    ��Trade, what the fuck else would it be for?�� Ember rolls her eyes in exasperation.

    ��Oh no need to be so catty,�� I quip, feeling considerably better than I had earlier. For all the exhaustion of an hours-long run with a woman on your back, it certainly is good at banishing other worries from your mind. And we are safe now, which helps more than a little. ��He didn��t grow up in a world that needed trade routes. Or�� anything, really. In fact, I��d just love it if you could explain why things are so different this side of radiance���� I trail off before a thought occurs to me. ��Wait, ��catty�� isn��t like a slur or anything, is it?�� Ember grunts in irritation before speeding a little to walk in front of us. ��That��s extremely unhelpful!�� I call to no response but added tension in her shoulders. Well. She didn��t act like it was a slur. I��ll just avoid cat jokes in the future maybe.

    ��Anyway, most cities lack all the things they want or need and have to trade with other cities. Not unlike our communities but without an insanely hot eldritch girl to expedite delivery.

    ��Hot?�� August asks.

    ��She means attractive,�� Sara chimes in. ��She calls me that at least fifteen times a day.��

    ��Why would that mean attractive?�� August presses and I just gesture at her.

    ��Cause look how hot she is,�� I explain like it should be obvious.

    ��I don��t understand anything,�� he complains and Sara laughs.

    ��No one understands Annie. I just try to believe the compliment,�� she chuckles, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly and blushing.

    ��Alright, whatever. I still don��t understand all this ��Annie�� nonsense anyway. I guess I can write the trade thing off as another mystery,�� August sighs. It��s now my turn to laugh. We tried explaining my otherworldly origins to him, but he never quite got a handle on it.

    ��I��ll give you this, August,�� I respond, ��You are very good at being alright with things you don��t understand. That��s a surprisingly rare skill.��

    ��Thanks!�� He cheerfully agrees. ��I get a lot of practice!�� This turns my chuckle to a full laugh, and even Autumn smiles alongside him. It is a moment sweeter than fresh figs. It is also interrupted by evidence of the greater frequency of travel in this country. I hear it before I see it, but a wagon presents itself around the bend and my breath catches. We should be safe, but I can��t help the anxiety that wells up at the idea of our groups first real contact with a new society.

    ��Looks like it��s time to meet some new people,�� I whisper and tension ripples through the group. ��Hey, maybe they��ll give us a ride. If I still had feet, I swear they would be killing me.��

 Chapter 5 - Do I look Pretty?

    ��Well, aren��t you all far too pretty to be walking out here all alone, this late at night?�� I groan as the driver slows his horses and the wagon comes to a stop. There is a smarmy confidence in his wide smile, like a man expecting my clothes to fall off with a wink. He is classically handsome in a generic Hollywood star kind of way, and he exudes self-satisfaction. I hate him instantly. But I would really like a ride.

    ��We��re too pretty for a lot of unpleasant things, but here we are,�� I intone. ��You happen to have room in the wagon for five? Just to the nearest inn,�� I ask, badly suppressing a grimace. His eyes crawl down my body like a centipede before finding their way back up Autumn��s. His brazen ogling would be enough to make an eternal enemy of me on its own, but the way he wrinkles his nose in disgust as he makes it to Sarafyna��s scars cements his place on my shit list. Finally, August retrieves his water skin from his bag and the stranger finally notices him. He spends little time examining either August or Ember.

    ��We��ve got room for three. I��m sure the strongest of you can make it on foot, and the rest of us can get to know each other in the meantime,�� he smiles greedily. Well, the first one is a bust but we were only on the road for a few minutes before we spotted this wagon. There is a good chance another will be along shortly. I look back at the group for confirmation.

    ��We��re alright,�� Autumn says, although her face betrays her fatigue. I asked her to come with me. I��m still not certain why, myself. But I asked her to. And she has exhausted herself because of my mistake. Even worse, there is some spark deep in the darkest corner of my soul that feels satisfaction at that. The part that still wants to hold her exclusively accountable for my brother��s death. I will not be a woman who indulges in that. I won��t. So I grimace, but push forward.

    ��So, if we remove one driver, that��s room for at least four, isn��t it?�� I suggest. Perhaps not the most effective method of getting a ride but�� just because I��m willing to suffer this man��s presence to help my friend doesn��t mean I have to suffer it in silence.

    ��I was just thinking the same thing,�� a new voice suggests as another man appears from the back of the wagon. This man looks a few years older than the slimy driver. His mostly smooth, brown skin is etched with smile lines whose depth exceeds all other indicators of age. He wears a gentle grin that contrasts with his driver��s like water and smoke. As my other human companions examine him with mild surprise, I am again reminded of the differences between this country and Potestia, as well as my old home��s nonsense structure. Potestia had a conspicuous lack of diversity, but I was the only one there to notice every damn person was pale as a ghost. It��s less strange to them than a woman with fur and cat ears, so they adjust quickly.

    ��You are a guest yourself, Turner. If you are going to try and turn away other travelers, maybe you are the one I should leave behind, no?�� The new man suggests.

    Turner, apparently, scoffs. ��Hardly the same. I am replacing your lost escort and driver. You need me more than I need you. These vagrants are just looking for a free ride,�� he protests.

    ��Oh, I don��t think we are the ones looking for a free ride,�� I joke, ��and I get the feeling we aren��t the ones with no hope of getting one. If this isn��t your wagon, calm your stiffy down and let the grown-ups talk,�� I dismiss, much to the amusement of the other stranger.

    ��We really could use a little help,�� Sara chimes in. ��We can drive too.��

    ��We aren��t going far, just the inn down the way. A few hours by cart,�� Ember adds, almost apathetically.

    ��That shouldn��t be too difficult, I��d love to help,�� the wagon��s owner responds. ��Problem is, Turner is correct, if only a little. We can squeeze four more in for a short trip, but five would be too many, especially with an Ailur. Unless one of you can turn into an extra horse or magically take up less space, we really will run out of space,�� he apologizes. Funny he should mention that. Sara very much can do those things but�� I can��t exactly tell them that. I get the feeling transforming anyone��s body is going to be met with distrust and physical protests. I��ll need a plausible excuse to ��leave Sara behind��.

    ��Like I said, the strongest should stay behind. He will have the easiest time making it to the inn on his own,�� Turner repeats.

    ��Didn��t you say you were an escort? Like�� in case of attack, right?�� August asks. ��If we are worried about that, wouldn��t it be better to have more strength available?��

    ��And leave one of these little slips of women alone on the ride to face the same possible attacks? What sort of man are you?�� Turner sneers and I see my in.

    ��No, August, this overly excitable stain of a person is right. Through no fault of his own, of course. Yes, he��s just going to an extremely dry well hoping to get wet, but he stumbled across a good point on the way to embarrassing himself,�� I say.

    ��What did you say, cunt?�� Turner snarls at me and I fail to acknowledge him.

    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

    ��Someone at least as powerful as the wagon��s escort should be the one walking back on their own. That��s the best way to keep everyone safe, right?��

    ��I guess that makes sense, but you don��t have to�C�� August starts but I hold a finger up to his lips.

    ��No use protesting. It��s what��s best for everyone,�� I cut him off.

    ��You heard her, you��re walking. Don��t worry, I��ll keep an eye on them for you,�� Turner winks at August. ��Maybe even help teach this one a few things. Like how a woman��s mouth looks better smiling than spewing shit.�� I raise an eyebrow at him.

    ��I smile all the time, I��m sure you��ll see it when something warrants it,�� I respond.

    ��Well hold on now,�� the older man says, ��Are you all sure about this? These roads can be dangerous at night. I��d feel awful if something happened to you. And, for how unpleasant Turner can be, he is very capable. I��d be happy to camp here with you until another wagon comes along?��

    Whereas Turner is speed running a meeting between my boot and his undersized testicles, this man is quickly ingratiating himself to me. ��No no, that��s alright. Thank you for your kindness. We can handle ourselves, I promise. A couple of us really need the rest.��

    ��Even so���� he protests and I snap my fingers.

    ��Tell you what, Turner here keeps suggesting we leave the most capable behind. Let��s have a little spar. If any of us can hold our own against him, will you be more comfortable taking the rest to the inn?�� I ask. The amiable traveler looks at me skeptically.

    ��I��d really rather just wait with you. There is a reason we had to pick up a replacement escort, after all. But���� he glances back at his wagon then rubs the back of his neck. ��Well, I suppose that would be alright.��

    ��And why should I? If I win, that just means I have to wait here for longer. What reason could I possibly have to spar with your little friend?�� he complains.

    ��Humans are such cowards,�� Ember grumbles.

    ��Yeah, don��t be a little bitch boy,�� I agree. ��Or maybe you don��t make such a fearsome escort after all?�� I challenge.

    ��You know what? Fine. I��ll spar. But don��t complain when I break your little boyfriend,�� He scoffs, finally climbing down from the driver''s seat. He marches up to August with his nose high enough in the air I��m worried something will fly in.

    ��The fuck you want with him?�� I ask in amusement. ��You��re supposed to fight the strongest of us, right?�� I ask. He looks back at me in irritation.

    ��Ailur don��t count, it��s not a fair comparison,�� he dismisses.

    ��Ember isn��t our best, except at giving me a rash when she speaks. No. You are fighting me,�� I announce. He laughs at me.

    ��I��ve known a few girls like you. The men you think you beat? They went easy on you because they wanted to fuck you. Don��t let it get to your head,�� he sneers.

    I cross my arms. ��Well shit. They were committed to the bit, I��ll give them that much. Some real convincing performances over the years. Take note, Sarafyna,�� I joke, gesturing toward my own body. ��To die for, apparently.��

    ��You really want to do this? I will fight a woman if I have to,�� Turner insists.

    ��You have to,�� I respond. He shrugs, then crosses his own arms. Brilliant gold mana erupts from him, sparkling in the night and lighting him up like a beacon to any mages in the area. It rolls and swirls around itself in a pretty, but clearly directed way before it coalesces into a number of gold coins with sharp edges. Constantly feeding them mana, he is able to turn and spin them with flawless timing as they flow in organized waves around him. A flick of his mana and that could tear someone to shreds. Well, someone with no defenses. Gold is an�� odd choice for this but I suppose it may have its advantages if he really understands it. I mean, I��ve seen ��Land of the Lustrous�� and it worked out pretty well there.

    Still. His posturing is�� less than effective. I can feel the mana pulling from my tumors and accumulating in my synthetic arm. I am going to have to hold back. Lightning would be too easy and do too much damage but I think I can toy with him a bit with my other aspects. ��Are you sure? I won��t hold back. Surrender now or you��ll look like that bitch with the melted face,�� he threatens. My amusement vanishes.

    Technically, my mana is perfectly visible. Far more visible than it has been since I was a little girl, actually. Enough that I am surprised as it builds in a reality warping aura around my right arm. The blue is vibrant beyond belief, even brighter than the brilliant gold of my opponent''s mana. Despite this, he doesn��t see it. I don��t think anyone does. The high pressure water forms so quickly around my arm, and fires with such force, that my arms jerks back in the other direction. I feel the flesh that has started to grow into and heal around the new arm tear and bleed. I��d barely considered the spell I wanted to cast, but it formed with little to no effort.

    It is not the most powerful spell I have cast. It lacks the raw force of much of my magic in the past. But it is quick and concentrated. By the time I regain control of my arm, all the threatening and intricate gold coins have collapsed into a gold and red puddle on what used to be an arrogant prick. Oh shit. I could have held back more. I hit him too hard for a spar. ��Sara, help,�� I call, but there is no need. She is already on her way to him. Orange force mana erupts from me and pushes the sharp coins to the side so Sara can put her hand on the wounded and soaked man.

    ��He��s fine, just badly bruised,�� she assures. ��The blood is from his own coins landing on him. He��s alive.��

    I try not to laugh but�� it is difficult and a giggle escapes. I don��t know how I did that but�� if I can figure it out, I may have an answer to Ember��s question. I may have a way to get stronger. And in the meantime, this little shit fucked his own face up in a dick measuring contest with someone who lacks one. I can��t help it, I let the laugh out as I offer him a wide grin. He struggles to focus for a moment before his eyes finally lock onto my pearly white teeth.

    ��Hey there buddy. Told you I��d smile when it made sense. So? Do I look pretty?��

 Chapter 6 - Grin And Bear It

    ��Are you sure it��s safe to leave her, and not stay behind yourself?�� the wagon��s owner asks and I nod. We are loaded up into the back of the wagon now, with Ember sitting up front with dickweed. Or, uh, Turner, I think his name was. I can see now why one person needed to stay behind. With the twins, me, and the three original occupants of the back, we are all rubbing elbows behind the cargo.

    ��Oh definitely. If there is anyone here with a chance of knocking my ass flat, it��s Sarafyna. Don��t worry, if I am safe, she is,�� I assure. I even mostly believe it. The truth is, I don��t plan on parting ways with Sara any time soon. But only the horses will notice that as she clings to the bottom of the wagon in a form I can only describe as soupy. Of course, if I wasn��t a coward, too afraid of leaving a loved one and never seeing them again, she would be perfectly capable on her own.

    ��Well, if you say so,�� he reluctantly agrees. ��We can get going then, uh���� he trails off before looking at me a bit sheepishly and speaking more quietly. ��What was the Ailur��s name? Actually, I didn��t get anyone��s name, I��m sorry. That silliness with the duel distracted me. I��m Quinn, by the way.�� Ember got the message despite the interruption and I feel the wagon start to move as I answer.

    ��She is Ember,�� I answer easily. ��And I am Annie. Pleasure to meet you, Quinn.�� Quinn gives me a slightly surprised look but it fades as August introduces himself.

    ��August, and this is my sister, Autumn. She��s uh, not feeling particularly chatty. But we are pleased to meet you as well,�� August chimes in as cheerfully as he can. Quinn gives Autumn a confused look before smiling back at me and gesturing at the two remaining passengers.

    ��This is my husband, Kobe, and our daughter, Gia,�� Quinn introduces. I note that Gia actually shares a lot of features with Quinn and idly wonder if they used a surrogate or some other process.

    ��Nice to meet you!�� Kobe, the shorter, Mediterranean man says as he cradles his baby daughter. ��Is your name really Annie? That��s wild, is the scar real or are you just leaning into the whole thing?�� I want to raise an eyebrow at him but do my best to suppress it. I have an unpleasant feeling that Ember left out yet another important detail.

    ��Kobe, I��m certain our guest doesn��t want to talk about her scars,�� Quinn reprimands but I shake my head.

    ��No, please, I don��t mind in the slightest,�� I assure. ��The scar is, unfortunately, real. As you can imagine, I was less than pleased when I got it.�� That should be vague enough. It��s an honest response that doesn��t let on that I am confused. Kobe clearly expects me to know what he means and, honestly, I��m a little afraid I do.

    ��That��s an insane coincidence! But hey, at least your name isn��t Lillith. The eyes, the scar, and even the name Annie? You��re right out of every kid��s nightmares!�� Kobe laughs and Quinn blushes.

    ��I��m sorry, my husband lacks a filter. Look, we don��t believe in any of that nonsense. But you know how it is. What with the election coming up, sages always come up with new ways to get attention. Kobe just pays a little too much attention to that stuff,�� Quinn apologizes.

    ��Yeah, sorry, sorry,�� Kobe agrees. ��Honestly, even if we did believe in prophecies, you can��t just add on to one whenever you want, right? I��m sure it��s been a headache for you ever since the ��Annie�� thing came out. My condolences. Good on you for sticking to it, though.�� That is equal parts irritating and interesting. So much for having a safe backup name. I will apparently also be immediately identified by appearance alone. Although Turner said nothing, so it��s not obvious enough to always be worth commenting on. I suppose a few women probably get looks for the black hair and red eye combo, assuming the eye color isn��t unique to Potestia. Which, obviously it is not.

    It is interesting, if I am reading the implication right, to learn the name ��Annie�� is a recent addition to this so-called ��prophecy��. I wonder if it''s the only part that has been added recently. I��ll have to wait until I get to the nearest city to know for sure. Hopefully they have invented the fucking printing press and newspapers in the Republic. If the warning of my impending horrors are a recent addition it should be easy to parse which bits are actually about me and, maybe, where the information is coming from. And of course, if this prophecy is part of an active political campaign, I can be sure of two things. The average person will be largely unaware of it, and it will be so in my face I will hardly be able to avoid it.

    ��Yes, well. I have been known to be stubborn. I promise I am not a demon queen, I don��t think,�� I respond, injecting a dry humor into my voice.

    ��Even so, I would have expected you to choose something else to go by, just to avoid the headache,�� Kobe countered.

    ��To quote a great, endlessly wise man, why should I change? She��s the one who sucks, right?�� I say. Kobe laughs openly at this and Quinn cracks a smile. August chokes back a laugh as well, considering I technically insulted myself. That��s his only response, however. He is staying mostly quiet, focusing on his sister instead of the conversation. We discussed this ahead of time, deciding too many people who clearly knew nothing about the country would be suspicious. And August is honestly just a terrible liar, except by omission.

    ��I��ll drink to that!�� Kobe chuckles and Quinn gently wraps his shoulder with a few knuckles.

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    ��No drinking with Gia in the room, you know that!�� he insists.

    ��I know, I know, it��s just an expression!�� Kobe assures to a curt nod from his husband. I decide to take this opportunity to change the subject.

    ��So, how did the three of you end up with short-dick, long-jacket up there as an escort?�� I ask and Quinn sighs.

    ��Ah, highwaymen. We were a larger convoy, with hired guards, but we were attacked on the road. Turner up there showed up out of nowhere and fought them off, but most of us had already been killed. In exchange for the fees we were supposed to pay our actual guards, he offered to escort us the rest of the way. Considering how easily he scared off those damn bandits, we figured it was worth it,�� Quinn explains.

    ��A real shock to meet two women who can knock him on his ass like that on the road, after all that,�� Kobe adds. ��Turns out everyone makes a better guard than my brother ever did. SO much for all his boasting.�� As he says this, something turns in my stomach, and I wonder if our rations are keeping poorly.

    ��Seriously, the way he told it he could fight a sage, but turns out most random travelers are more impressive than him,�� Quinn agrees. I start to feel a little more queasy at this.

    ��Well give your brother some credit,�� I respond. ��Maybe if he��d been there he��d have done just as well,�� I offer, feeling a little bad for the abused sibling, and starting to wonder if I��ll need to make a restroom stop soon.

    ��Oh he was,�� Kobe sighs. ��Charged in like an idiot and was one of the first to die.�� I��d been settling in, letting the bumps in the road become familiar, but this forces me fully awake, a nameless dread settling over me as my eyes widen. That sickness starts to tighten inside me.

    ��I��m sorry, did you say your brother died on this trip?�� I ask, just to be clear.

    ��Yeah, I��m afraid so. His timing could have been better too; Mom is going to be furious at the loss of income,�� he groans. I am cold and quiet. Autumn is finally paying full attention, horror clear on her face. Quinn and Kobe notice this and Kobe rushes to reassure us. ��Oh don��t worry, it��s just an inconvenience, more than anything. We aren��t in financial trouble or anything!��

    What is going on? I don��t understand this couple. ��How long ago was this?�� I ask and both men shrug, Kobe putting more nervous energy into rocking his silent daughter than before.

    ��A week or so,�� Quinn answers.

    ��And you don��t care at all?�� Autumn interjects, pain clear in her voice. ��He��s dead and you don��t care at all? You lost someone, someone who tried to protect you, to protect your daughter, and you don��t even have a tear to share?�� Her voice speeds up as anger and grief pour out of her. The couple before us look confused more than anything. A tear runs down Kobe��s face, but this only confuses him further. I can feel grief. I can feel my own, cold and hard. Autumn��s grief overflows like a poison well. And from these men I feel�� nothing. Do they both have ASPD? What is�� Something occurs to me and I hold up a hand to stop Autumn. ��What, is this normal to you? Lily, they don��t care at all!��

    ��Autumn, I know. Just�� give me a moment,�� I say as calmly as I can. ��Let me think.��

    ��Did she just�� call you Lily?�� Quinn asks. ��I thought your name was Annie, but . . . Lily as in�C�� I shake my head, thinking of a lie so I can get to the important bit.

    ��I do sex work. The demon queen Lillith is popular right now and I look the part. It pays the bills. She has gotten used to calling me by my working name, that��s all,�� I answer and he visibly relaxes.

    ��Right, that makes sense,�� he responds as I fix him with a cold stare. I glance back at Gia. She really does look like him.

    ��Your daughter, is she adopted?�� I ask and he rubs the back of his neck nervously but shakes his head.

    ��No,�� Kobe answers. ��Quinn had Gia before we met, from a past marriage. Why does it matter? Why do you two seem so agitated?�� I let out a deep breath as August frantically tries to calm his angry sister.

    ��What happened to her mother? Divorce?�� I press and this time it��s Quinn��s eyes that quiver a little despite his confusion.

    ��My wife died, if you really need to know,�� Quinn responds in irritation. I still feel nothing from him, despite a growing sickness. Not like food poisoning I realize, more like sick hunger. The kind that makes all food sound unappetizing until you eat it. Gia doesn��t even look a year old yet, despite her eerie calm. His wife must have been alive as recently as six months ago, and he is already re-married?

    ��You ended up with Kobe pretty quickly, didn��t you?�� I ask and Quinn shrugs.

    ��It was a bit of a whirlwind romance. Why does that matter?�� Quinn asks, mildly offended.

    They don��t feel it. They aren��t feeling any grief at all. Everyone is grieving. Everyone. But these two men, by all accounts kind men, don��t care that their loved ones are dead. Fuck, even the child feels no grief. Her silence begins to disturb me on a new level. She fights fatigue like any child but she doesn��t cry. She is frustrated, but not even a little sad.

    ��What is wrong with you people?�� Autumn ask, ��What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you breathe? How can you even breathe? I don��t . . . I don��t understand. What is wrong with you?��

    ��I don��t think it��s their fault,�� I whisper. August and Autumn both look at me with near disgust while the men in front of me seem irritated. ��I think . . . I think in a way it��s mine . . .�� I say ��I think�� because I haven��t confirmed it. But I know. I know the truth. It wasn��t anything I did. But they are like this because of me. Or because of people who are afraid of me. A lot of things about Ember are suddenly clicking into place. I can��t be certain, but I can test it. And I��ll know for sure when we get to the city.

    I stomp on the floor once before raising my voice. ��Their minds are being controlled. Ember''s too, I think. Their minds, or maybe their hearts. They don��t have a choice. I don��t think they can grieve,�� I announce. The wagon is silent for a moment as everyone processes what I��ve said in their own way. But Sara gets the message. That sickness twists inside me. It coils like a string, tension building with each twist. Sara is doing something. She is fighting something. And then, in a moment, it snaps.

    It��s less than a second before I am drowning in fresh grief and Quinn��s vomit at the same time.

 Chapter 7 - The Weight of Ignorance

    Gilbert

    I was so happy.

    When I was younger, I was happy too. Until my thirteen-year-old sister forced my eyes open and made me look at my reflection. At the bruises and blood my joy left behind. I was a selfish man, when I was younger. A blind man. I took what I wanted and turned my head and people suffered for it. Women I cared about suffered for it. But I changed. I opened my eyes and I worked to be a better man.

    And I was happy again, after my brother was returned to me. When we moved to Visenar. Then again when we left. Every change in the world around me made the world a brighter place. A world where I could love, genuinely love, without hurting anyone. Where I could be honest, and accepted, and keep my eyes open to any pain I was causing. I met Mali. I met Julie. Even Jeremy, who did not like being called ��Jack��. Leaving Potestia and living with them was so . . . kind. So simple. So easy.

    Before I knew it, I was blind again. I knew what my sister was doing. I knew she never stopped fighting. And I knew Edward and Henry were helping. And they didn��t need me. Not me. I��d done my part. Everything an older brother should. I helped bring Henry home safe. Even without me, Lily was making everything better. Kinder. And I loved her for it. But I was still me. Still oblivious. Unable to see anything that wasn��t shoved in front of me. Still too fucking comfortable. I ignored the danger. It was so easy to do. Everything had always worked out before, right? Everything. Lily stopped Baldwin. She saved Leo. She escaped her own execution.

    It started when we first went looking for Henry. When she fought the Manticores. Her alone, as a child. She was . . . unstoppable. A force of nature. Brilliant, fierce, kind, and brutal. I feared her for a while. What she would do. But somehow that fear settled into admiration. Idolization, even. She was a hero. A brilliant hero who would always, always win. And anyone who stood in her way would pay the price. Yeah, she would make speeches. She would warn us of the dangers of the new lifestyle we were choosing. Of learning magic when the nobility didn��t want us to have it. But it wasn��t real danger, because she was there. And she wouldn��t let that risk be realized. We had the Mage of Mourning on our side and anyone who wanted to take our joy away had to go through her.

    This became a certainty. Risk became the senseless panic of the overly anxious. We were safe and we would always be safe. Our new lives had been won and there was an immovable object between them and anyone who wanted to take them away. And I let Lily do this for us. Edward wanted to help. Henry wanted to help. And I respected them for it. But Lily didn��t need them, not really. They just owed her, by way of thanks or apology. But she didn��t need them. And she didn��t need me.

    Everything would always work out.

    Everything would always work out.

    Whatever Lily faced, whatever any of us faced, and whoever wanted to take the old, cruel world back . . . everything would always work out. I trusted Lily. I trust Lillith.

    Henry is dead.

    I will never be happy again. I will never be safe again. No one will. I have always been described as oblivious. Uncaring. Lily says I keep my head in the clouds. I thought it was loveable, but it wasn��t. It was cruelty. Cruelty to everyone who needed Lily��s help. Cruelty to Henry, and Ed. Cruelty to Lily. Just because my sister is strong . . . just because she can take the pressure of the world and fail to collapse . . . that doesn��t mean she doesn��t need support. If I had learned combat magic and gone with them, would Henry still be alive? I can barely use magic at all. I never understood the ��recipe�� or ��equation�� thing Lillith always tried to explain to me. I just wanted to live in peace, and I let my kind little sister crumple under the weight of my peace.

    I��m told she��s not younger than me at all. Ed says she is some other woman from some other world but I don��t understand any of that. She is still Lily to me. And she could have used my help. Henry deserved to have my help. My protection. They both deserved an older brother with his eyes open.

    ��Are you alright?�� A voice asks and I take a sharp breath through my nose. I have moved to the towers the rest of my family live in. I haven��t been answering my whisper sphere. I can��t even think of Mali, Julie, or Jeremy. I like them. But they aren��t a support system, not really. We were all just having fun together. Mom knows I��m no more okay than she is. Ed knows too, and he��s in Visenar again, like every day. I realize, no one has actually asked me that since I came here. I continue to look out over the horizon, at the Radiant Woods in the distance. I am sitting on the balcony of an unused public area on the tenth floor of the tower. No one comes this high usually, although our population is expanding every day with Potestia free.

    It��s a surprise to meet anyone up here at all, much less anyone who cares how I am doing. I don��t answer, instead looking back at the intruder with weary eyes. He��s a tall man, with a square jaw and a missing right arm. I recognize him pretty quickly. He saved Edward''s life, after all. He could have a prosthetic, like Lily does, but he had it removed after a few days. I��m not sure why. This man is Dominic. The last remaining royal. Here to protect us in Lillith��s absence. What does he want with me?

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    ��Yeah, me either,�� he says, sitting down a few paces away from me. I suppose he wouldn��t be. His entire family is dead, after all. I don��t know the entire story, but apparently he played a part in his own grandfather��s death. I don��t know what he wants with me, really. So I just grunt, and continue looking out over the world I have ignored for too long. ��But . . . I��m trying to do better.�� I don��t understand what he means at first. We all want to feel better. But we can��t just make that happen. I am prepared to ignore him, but it clicks into place. I can��t keep my eyes closed, and I can��t wait until my little sister screams in my face to notice anything. Even now, I am considering how pointless it would be for me, without considering that he might be the one who needs someone to talk to.

    ��What do you mean?�� I ask, choking back the anxiety of my own grief. Maybe, for once I can help him. Even if I can''t, I need to start trying. It might be the only way out of this pit I live in now. To be a better man. I need my eyes open. Even if I am a husk myself, I can be different than I was in the past. I just need to stop being oblivious. And if all I can do is listen, well. That��s what I��ll do.

    ��I spent a long time thinking I was a good man. But I wasn��t. I was blind to everything around me. To my loved ones. To the people I was supposed to rule. To myself. I mean I am trying to be better than the man I am,�� he answers matter-of-factly. A stone sinks through my chest and I bite my lip.

    ��Yeah,�� I answer. That��s the only answer I have for him. Yeah. But it��s enough. It carries my entire story with it. I can��t help him. But I can understand him. Not exactly. I am no ruler. I don��t know what he went through. But I know what it means to look the other way for too long. Until it is too late.

    ��Yeah,�� he agrees. We sit in silence for a while after that. I don��t know how long. But the balcony feels slightly less lonely. And I feel slightly less empty. I wonder if he came here for the same thing. Just for the comfort of someone else who��d made the same mistake.

    Finally, I decide to ask. ��How did you know?�� I say, looking him in the face for the first time. He has weary eyes and a half smile.

    ��I��m not much help to Ed, I��m afraid. What he��s going through is . . . different. But he is worried about you. And he said you would understand,�� he answers. I nod. Of course. Of course he did, meanwhile I have barely thought of Ed. All I know about him is he has been volunteering in Visenar every day. I haven��t even asked. I haven��t spoken much to Mom either. But Ed was paying attention to me. Fuck, when did I become the asshole brother?

    ��Maybe. I don��t know. But . . . I can talk if you want,�� I offer. Dominic sighs.

    ��I think something is going to happen soon,�� he says. ��And I don��t want to be alone when it does,�� he responds in what feels like an odd change of subject.

    ��Happen, like what?�� I ask. He lets the question hang in the air for a moment before answering.

    ��I don��t know. But something has changed. Something is going to change. I don��t think we are safe,�� he says. His words ring true in a way I can��t understand, like the way a bell resonates with your bones. ��But, and this may sound selfish, but you and I. We have a chance to finally pay attention. We have a chance to do the right thing. It��s not much. But it��s a chance.�� Water runs down my face at this. I wish it didn��t. I don��t want to feel hope because of something like that. But he��s right. I can��t live my life knowing I sat out the fight when I was really needed. I can��t look back and only see oblivious Gil while my family was fighting and dying.

    ��How will we know?�� I say. But as I ask the question I realize he is right. There is something wrong. Something not quite right, like closing a door after the wood has warped. There is fear in the air. An anxiety that should be healing. But it��s only getting worse. Maybe it��s because Lily is gone. Maybe it��s because so many people don��t know how to move forward now. But that doesn��t feel right. It��s not right. There is danger on the horizon and everyone can feel it.

    There are shadows in the distance. Spreading over the cold mountains too soon for the sunset. I can barely make them out, but something is moving. ��I don��t know,�� Dominic admits. ��But, if it��s alright, I��d like to watch for it with you.�� I nod. The shadows are gone, as quickly as they came. But with the conversation I am having, as surreal as it is, I feel like it must be something. Or I am just trying to see something, because Dominic gave me hope that I would. I squint, but everything remains calm.

    ��We should call my sister,�� I suggest and Dominic puts his hand on my shoulder.

    ��What is it?�� he asks.

    ��I don��t know. Nothing. But . . . we should call my sister,�� I repeat, looking up at him as I do. He looks concerned, but searches his body for a whisper sphere. A once coveted relic only priests and nobles used. I suppose he��s always had one, but long distance spheres were uncommon even for nobles. It��s strange to see the person next to me idly searching for one.

    ��Alright,�� he agrees. ��Guess I am calling the killer who terrified all my friends for years.�� I almost crack a smile at that, but I let him channel his mana and intent to contact Lily. His sphere lights up but . . . nothing happens.

    The vague sense of dread in the air fills my lungs like smoke as the sphere goes dark again, failing to find the intended target of the call.

 Chapter 8 - Where We All Go

    <h4>Chapter 8 - Were We All Go</h4>

    Charlotte

    ��They are all moving in the same direction,�� Leo insists. He��s right. As usual, he is right. I was supposed to be the mentor, but . . . I��m no mentor. The evidence of that sits around the fire with Leo and I as we discuss the movements of the residents of the Radiant Woods. The evidence lives in my skin and my blood. In the soft curve of my hips I had always known were mine. In the angle to Leo��s jaw and the hair that grows from it. It took a week or two, after Leo��s new abilities awakened. But I am who I have always been now, through and through. So is he. A man and his mother. We are who we have always been, and we fit in the bodies we have now. Because Leo refused to accept a reality defined by the control of other people. The same way I did, once. The same way I always cried out to do.

    Even more than that, evidence of Leo��s bravery lives in the man and woman who join us. ��Monsters�� we had encountered as we tried to find our way home. People who had been left here for who knows how long. But not just any people. Both of them are like us. Framed as monsters. As something to be feared, avoided, and discarded. Both of them, given their humanity back. Both shocked and sobbing when they finally woke up as who they really were and not the distortion that had been chosen for them by these woods. Not just human, but . . . like us, they��d had a lie chosen for them the moment they were born. Vance, the older of the two, had been beaten and given to the church of the collector when he refused to be a mother. Ryanna, who looks no older than Leo, had been abandoned here when she told her parents her name. And yet, Vance has the body of a man and Ryanna the body of a woman. A change both new and welcomed by both.

    I have a great deal of pride whenever I look at Leo now. Pride and shame. Because he was right. I��d wanted to save everyone. I didn��t want to lose anyone else, ever again. And I would die before I let Leo lose anyone like I had. I thought I was saving Lillith, and Sarafyna, and Leo. I thought I was saving everyone. But . . . both of these people. Both of these people are just like us. Lillith told me about the Houses of Penance. She told me what eventually happened to its residents. I have always understood that people like me must have been among the ��undesirables�� abandoned in this way. But we have found and saved two people. And both of them are like me. That is no coincidence. How many of us . . . how many of us have been disposed of like this? Why? Why? Why do this to us? What have we ever done to anyone? What have we ever done but try to live, and breathe, and look at the light?

    This was always where I was heading. The Radiant Woods, all around us. I alone had been spared for so long. Because of my position. Because of my mana. But once the struggle for the throne was over? Once there was no one left to challenge whoever was left on the throne? Once they didn��t need me to secure their own power? This is where I was heading. This is where Leo was heading. This is where all of us end up, eventually. That much is clear now. This is where we have always ended up. Which means this . . . this is where Amelia is. That is the thought that has been running through my head since we found Ryanna. This is where I would have sent Leo. This is where Amelia is. This is where Leo was going. This is where Amelia is. I spent my entire life thinking my childhood friend was dead. Thinking she had been killed. But she disappeared. And this is where they put all of us.

    I was willing to give up everything. The body I��d always wanted, only half finished. My joy. My future. Because I had seen so many people fail. I had lost so many friends to a fight we never, ever won. I was willing to live in misery to give my son a chance at the joy I would never find. But it was a lie. A false dichotomy. There was never a choice. There was never a compromise. There never would be a compromise. We are all left here. It was only a matter of when. It was never a real choice. I don��t know what happened to Lillith. But if she is dead, it��s my fault. Everyone who died because of the deal I thought I struck is on my shoulders. I don��t know how to live with that.

    I could have lived with a return to normal. A return to misery. A world where everyone got their lives back. It would have even been an improvement. Former slaves would have been allowed to return to freedom. But that was a lie. I can feel it when I look at Vance. When I look at Ryanna. I had bought a desperate lie because I could at least dream of a future for Leo. Because I thought I had found a way to survive with chains around my ankles. And I can��t even see how much damage I caused. All I can see are three people who hadn��t broken where I had. I would be beyond miserable, except . . . this is where Amelia is. She could be alive. I can see her again. I can see her as she actually looks, if I can get Leo to her.

    ��Mom, are you listening?�� Leo asks. He still calls me mom. Even more now. He had been the only friend I��d managed to keep alive. To keep safe. And I��d kept him that way for so long I started to think I could play the game well enough to keep him alive forever. I am such a fool. I don��t deserve that title. I almost took everything from him. ��Mom?�� He asks again, and a hand gently lands on my shoulder, forcing me to jump. Oh. Right. Again, everyone but me is looking forward where I am only lamenting my past. It��s Vance��s hand on my shoulder and I look up into his glass eyes. Vance and Ryanna don��t speak much. Not yet. Vance hardly speaks at all, if he doesn��t have to. But their eyes tell years of stories. I wince.

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    ��Yes, Leo? Sorry, I was lost in thought,�� I respond.

    ��That��s alright,�� he says. ��What do you think? About where they are going?�� I look at Leo and bite my lip.

    ��You said they seem to be heading in the same direction?�� I ask and he nods.

    ��It��s hard to tell, since the Radiant Woods recede when I approach them. But tracks are left behind, and for the last few days, they have all started to point the same way,�� he elaborates.

    ��Um, do either of you remember any patterns like that?�� I ask, looking toward our new friends. Vance simply shakes his head and Ryanna puts a finger to her chin in thought.

    ��I don��t think I was stuck here as long as he was,�� she answers hesitantly. ��But I don��t remember ever being pushed one direction over another. I was never even allowed near anyone else. Sorry,�� she replies. I shake my head.

    ��You have nothing to be sorry for,�� I insist and she blushes before apologizing again.

    ��Right, sorry, I just�C�� she starts.

    ��I get it,�� I interrupt. ��I think we are all forced to apologize a little too often. But I think . . . �� I trail off, worried to make another guess. I was so wrong last time I tried to gamble on the future. But Leo wasn��t.

    ��I think this is a good thing,�� Leo says, echoing the thought I was too afraid to share. ��If all the monsters go to the same place, we can save all of them at once, right?�� I nod gently, and Ryanna seems to get jittery at the thought.

    ��Do you think they��ll be like us?�� She asks excitedly and I smile gently. She��s right to be excited. Excited to no longer be alone, especially after what she has been through. Excited to actually change people��s lives. I understand it. I am excited at the feeble hope of saving Amelia, if there is anything left of her after all this time. If she is even still alive at all. Ryanna deserves this joy. Even after Leo found her, life hasn��t exactly been easy. We eat when the Radiant Woods dissolves and we find edible fruits and vegetables in the real flora left behind. They only have clothes because I spent time aspecting cloth mana, and I am no seamstress able to put it together sensibly. She should be miserable. But whenever we find new tracks, she is so hopeful.

    ��Yes,�� I answer. ��In one way or another. Maybe they won��t be exactly like us, although I think quite a few will. But yes, I think in some sense, they will be like us.��

    ��Why do you think they suddenly changed course?�� Vance asks. He is less optimistic. Always so weary. He doesn��t speak much, but he always asks the questions we don��t want to.

    ��I don��t know but,�� I pause, picturing the claws. The teeth. The carapace. Monsters meant for war. To kill and destroy. ��But I think it will be best if we find them first.��

    ��We have nowhere else to go,�� Leo adds. ��They are going either where the Radiant Woods wants them, or they are helping us. And . . . and I think I know where they are going.��

    ��Oh, to this Lillith girl?�� Ryanna asks. ��You seem to think about her a lot. I don��t know why they would be going to her, though.�� Leo shakes his head.

    ��I don��t know if they are going to her specifically. But, I��m betting she has something to do with it. When the world shifts beneath your feet, she usually does,�� he answers.

    ��Except when it��s you shifting the world beneath mine,�� Ryanna counters. ��So is she a sweetheart or something?�� Leo shakes his head, unembarrassed.

    ��No, nothing like that. I��m not really interested in any women that way. She��s just . . . someone kind,�� he answers. Vance seems to understand this, and I do too.

    ��I hope you are right,�� I say. And I do. I hope Lillith is alive to face whatever is coming. Because that would mean I didn��t get her killed. ��If anyone could face them without hurting them, it would be her. If anyone knows to even try it��s her. I hope you are right.��

    ��So. What do we do? Do we just . . . follow?�� Vance asks. My skin itches to take action and I can feel it in everyone around me too. We all have our reasons. We all have our pasts and futures to fight for. Ryanna wants to meet more of us. Leo wants to see the rest of his family and rejoin the fight. Vance . . . I don��t know what he wants, but he is moving forward. And me? I want everything to be alright. I want to know that despite me, everyone survived. I want to see with my own eyes that I was wrong. That a better world could be won. Because even now, I have a hard time really believing it. Even now, something burrows into my ear and taunts me. Tells me that the little comfort I had was the best I could ever have. But Leo rejected that, and these two people have lives again because of that rejection. But me? I need to really see it to genuinely believe it is possible on a wide scale.

    ��Yes,�� I respond. ��Yes, and we do it quickly. As quickly as we can. We move whenever we have the energy. We don��t let a single person suffer in those woods for a single day longer than we have to. We follow them, and we find a home.��

    ��You heard her,�� Leo says. ��We follow.��

 Chapter 9 - Lose - Lose

    I haven��t had a cold bath since I aspected both heat and water mana. The hot showers I am able to create with these have been one of my favorite tastes of Earth that I missed for so many years. Whether I am covered in sweat, blood, or in today��s case, vomit, a hot shower is usually the best feeling in the world. Even washing these things from the mesh skin on my artificial limbs usually carries its own sense of satisfaction. It��s cold today. It��s so cold. I try adding more heat mana.

    We made it to the inn, finally. And it was nice to see an inn for travelers. It was nice to see any signs of regular travel, truth be told. After all those years in Potestia any sign of free movement should feel refreshing. But Quinn and Kobe are not alright, and I don��t know how to help. I��m struggling to imagine what it must be like, to hover just above tragedy, unable to acknowledge it until whatever was holding you up vanished and left you drowning. And that��s just what happened. I drowned them. Sara and I both did. It wasn��t even the wrong thing to do. But it didn��t feel right, either. Why is the damn water so cold? Again I increase the heat mana I am supplying to the water.

    I barely noticed the smell of sickness on me on the rest of the ride to this inn. I almost wished Sara had never pushed through whatever divine magic, or nexus energy, or whatever you want to call it that was stealing their grief from them. Having the weight of their lives crash down around them like that . . . that could be deadly. At the same time, what was done to them is disgusting. It was beyond that. How could we have left them in that state? Even as they unraveled before me, all I could do was cling on to a faint hope. A desperate hope that they were unique. But I am at an inn now. A place of rest for the weary. A congregation point for travelers. It��s not exactly busy, but it��s busy enough.

    There is no one. No one is grieving. Not a soul anywhere near me feels a shred of grief. Just me, Sarafyna, and the twins. If the sages are doing this, then Ember is right. They need to die. If the people of this country aren��t even allowed to grieve? They cannot continue to exist in this world. I owe their death to every one of their subjects. Or citizens, I suppose. I doubt the sages know the difference. But I don��t know what to do. Freeing Potestians from mind control was one thing. They were robbed of trust for each other. Of self-sufficiency. But grief? The grief of every tragedy every person has ever lived through? All at once and without warning? If killing the sages drops all of that at once, I will be killing more than a few of their victims with them. Why is the water still so cold? Again I increase the intensity of my heat mana.

    ��Annie, are you alright?�� Sara asks through the room��s folding screen. This inn doesn��t exactly have showers installed, so I am creating water behind it and evaporating it as it collects in a force basin at my feet. I close my eyes before answering.

    ��This is because of me,�� I say. ��It��s not my fault. I know it��s not my fault. I know. The responsibility for abuse is owned by the abuser. But they did it because of me and I can��t shake that feeling. I can��t shake that guilt. It��s frost in my blood. And it is an effective leash on me. You know that. Grief can��t empower me, and I can��t kill the people doing it or the built pressure of all that anxiety will crush the people in this country. In this world. They are holding their own people hostage. What am I going to do, Sara? I can barely handle my own grief right now. How can I ask an entire world to stomach theirs when they don��t even understand what that means?��

    Sara is quiet for a long time. ��I don��t know, my love. I don��t know. But I do know you are spiraling. I know the feeling well. That desperate powerlessness. That aimlessness. I understand,�� she says. She��s right. Of course she understands. But that doesn��t actually help me. ��You need to take a step back. Ever since Henry�C ever since your last big fight, you haven��t been yourself. You aren��t asking the questions you would usually ask.��

    ��Like what?�� I snap, but she fails to react.

    ��Like, if this is because of you, how long have they been doing it?�� She asks.

    I grunt, before shivering a bit in the cold water. ��I don��t know. They have their prophecy so maybe thousands of . . .�� I trial off because I see her point. I��m not thinking about it enough. ��How much of that prophecy is actually about me? How much was recently added? If they only discovered things like the name Annie recently . . . maybe they only discovered my grief mana recently.�� Sara doesn��t respond to this, recognizing a little bit of the normal Lillith emerging. This is a good start. She��s right. I was spiraling. But it��s not hopeless. If it��s recent enough, these people may understand what��s been done to them. Which could be good and bad. Some may not want their grief back. That could create active opposition to removing the people who lobotomized their soul like this. Shit, I��m spiraling again.

    ��We need to do something,�� I finally say. ��I can��t conceive of a counter for this. Not yet. I need to do something that is in my power. Find answers. Plan.�� I stop creating water, pulling a towel off the screen to wrap around myself. It stings, for some reason, but I can��t think about it. I��m too focused. And too cold. ��How is everyone back home? Have you had a chance to look for Leo today?�� She is quiet in response to this and I feel the tension in the air.

    ��I wanted to talk about that, actually. But not until you are in the right state of mind,�� she responds.

    ��Please, just tell me,�� I say. There is another moment of silence and then a sigh, just as I am tying my hair up in another towel.

    ��The whisper sphere isn��t working. Neither is the hat,�� she explains and I freeze. ��This was my first chance to check but . . . it��s the border. Those stones in the sky. I can feel it. They are cutting off my contact with the other side.

    ��The hat shop?�� I ask immediately. If her hat shop collapses the people we left behind are dead. Anyone inside is in the Radiant Woods. The rest can��t travel anymore. I feel my breath shorten until she speaks again.

    ��No, that is alright. I can still feel it,�� she hurriedly assures. ��But . . . I can��t connect with it directly. This hat is just a pretty hat now. I can��t look for Leo, and we can��t talk to anyone back home. We��re alone out here, Annie.�� Shit. Shit shit shit.

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    ��And they are alone back there,�� I whisper. I emerge from the screen to get dressed and Sara gasps.

    ��Annie, are you alright?�� She asks again and I wince.

    ��No. I don��t know what to do. What are we going to do, Sara?�� I respond and she shakes her head.

    ��No, physically. Annie, look at yourself!�� She insists. I turn to the old, battered mirror and wince. My entire body is bright red and my eyes look dazed. ��How much did you heat the water?��

    I bite my lip. It felt so cold. So unbearably cold. ��I was just distracted,�� I answer. It��s even almost true. Sara looks at me with concern. She looks like she has something else to say, and I am terrified I know what. We are across the border now. Leo is still trapped in the Radiant Woods. We can��t risk her hat shop losing against the Radiant Woods. They need her back home.

    ��You should go back.�� The words won��t come out. I can��t lose her again. I need to protect her. ��You should go back.�� I can��t do this without her. ��You should go back.�� Leo needs her. My family needs her. I can handle myself, for now. She can come in and check on us. When we actually have a plan that makes it safe for her to free everyone��s grief for them. She should go back. I open my mouth to force the words out, and I can see she knows what they are.

    ��I need to bring Ember back here,�� I say instead. ��We need to push through whatever is stopping her from telling us everything. I��ll need your help.�� She closes her mouth and eyes at the same time.

    ��Do you want me to go with you?�� She asks. She wants me to tell her to stay with me. I can feel it. And I want to. I shouldn��t. It��s selfish. But I want to. I can��t say yes. That would be abandoning my family like I abandoned Henry. I can��t say no, or I will be abandoning Sara. I look up at her and see . . . fear. Is she as afraid of leaving me behind as I am to see her go? Or is it something else? I do still rely on her to effectively keep the cancer under control, but it doesn��t grow like it used to. Not since my circle broke. Not since my new limbs started handling excess mana. So I should be safe, even with the border between us. But she is as afraid as I am. Terrified of leaving me. I can feel it, so I make a selfish choice. I take a risk for my own benefit, and for Sara��s. I will wait. One more day. I��ll say the words I need to say after one more day. They can��t begrudge me one more day. They will be safe for one more day.

    I pretend to misunderstand her. ��No, that��s alright. We don��t want anyone asking questions about how you made it here so quickly. I��ll go get her and bring her back,�� I respond. She lets out a sigh and nods. As I gather my clothes and disappear behind the screen again, she whispers.

    ��I need you too, Annie. Just as much as you need me.�� I swallow her words like sweet hemlock. One more day. I can face the reality of the situation tomorrow. Today, I need her help anyway. I put a simple tunic and pants on with a pair of boots and gloves. Enough to cover all of my less fleshy limbs, which will apparently mean instant execution.

    As I walk to the door I look back at Sara. ��Thanks, for talking me off that ledge,�� I say. ��I love you. Be back in a minute.�� I can still feel the fear of the choice we are going to have to make in the air. But she smiles at me anyway.

    ��I love you too.��

    <hr>

    Ember isn��t in her room when I knock, so I make my way to the tavern on the first floor. It is a bit odd, seeing the three different sapient species mingling. I��d spent most of my life in this world thinking humans were the only ones here. In fact, in Potestia I��d only met white humans. This inn is a large change of pace in both respects.

    This brings up a lot of questions about Potestia. It doesn��t make a lot of sense. Those borders can��t have been around forever and people like to travel. This sort of thing usually doesn��t happen unless it��s intentional. Then again, until I found a house of penance I��d never met anyone with a disability either. That could be the answer itself I suppose. I��ll have to add it to my list of questions for Ember. I spot her at the counter with a drink, likely recovering from her own emotional block being cleared. I move to meet up with her when Quinn stops me.

    ��Miss Annie,�� He greets, a sheepish look on his face. His eyes are still red from crying, and he moves like he is sore, but he wears a smile now. ��I wanted to apologize for earlier. I don��t know what came over me. I�C I lost myself. So did Kobe. We are mortified. Please, is there anything we can do to make it up to you? One of us can go back and get your friend?�� I examine him for a moment. He feels just as he did when I met him. Sara is a few floors up, and her influence has already been washed away. There isn��t a shred of grief emanating from him. So even Sarafyna doesn��t have a long term solution. Shit. I need her here just as much as she is needed back home.

    ��Don��t worry about it. She��ll be alright. I��m glad you are feeling better,�� I dismiss. A man scoffs to the side.

    ��I wouldn��t count on that,�� Turner says. I turn to see him smirking. ��You may be strong enough to sucker punch me, but a woman walking all alone like that? Well, she��ll be the one being ambushed.��

    ��Sucker punch? I fought you face to face in an open challenge. I even let you cast first. What did you want me to shout out my spell like a ninja of the hidden leaf? What would I have to do for you to expect an attack if none of that counted?�� I jab. He laughs.

    ��I��m just warning you. You abandoned her, and I wouldn��t be surprised if you never saw her again,�� he sneers. There is an air of certainty in his voice I don��t like. His entire story of meeting Quinn and his family is suspicious, actually. I��ll have to investigate before their party leaves.

    ��Well, you do seem like an expert on losing contact with women. I��ll take it under advisement. Now, if you don��t mind, I have business elsewhere."

    ��I do mind, actually. I overheard your conversation earlier. I hear you like to play Demon Queen for men who can pay for the privilege. I can believe that. You certainly have the look for it. But then . . . why are you so practiced with magic? Why were you travelling on foot? Something stinks about your story, and I don��t like it much. Care to explain?�� he challenges.

    ��To you? Not really. But I��m generous. We can have a conversation about shady stories all you want when I��m done with my business,�� I promise. ��Who knows, maybe you��ll even get a chance to see me ��playing Demon Queen��.�� I inject as much promise into my words as I can, although the actual promise behind them is likely different than he is picturing. He thinks he has something on me. Which, I suppose he��s not wrong. But I think we have different ideas about how a demon would behave. He just wants to feel in control again. And I want to stop him from leaving with Quinn before I can confirm my suspicions about him.

    He grins at this. ��Well hurry along then. I wouldn��t want to keep you, not with such an important conversation in our futures. I��ll be in room four when you are ready to explain yourself.��

    ��Be still my heart,�� I intone to a toothy grin. If nothing else I��ll get the chance to kick his ass again. I could certainly use such a chance. But he��s right. I have more important business to deal with. I finally make it to Ember and put my hand on her arm. ��We need to talk.��

 Chapter 10 - Malice and Praise

    ��What the fuck do you want?�� Ember demands as soon as I get her back to my room. ��I am every bit as tired as you are, and I was sort of ambushed earlier when you�C when you�C�� she stops, a look of confusion clouding her face as the words failed to come. ��The point is you blindsided me, and I��m simply not in the mood for more shit tonight. Let me rest.�� When she says this I do feel a bit guilty. She may have been listening, but she wouldn��t have known she was about to get hit with that all at once.

    ��Sorry, I didn��t realize exactly what would happen,�� Sara says. ��I could feel something was wrong, but I didn��t know what it would be like to have it all removed at once.�� I hadn��t actually witnessed or heard any response from Ember at all. But that doesn��t mean she wasn��t hit every bit as hard as the others in the wagon.

    ��Well now you do,�� Ember snaps. ��So can we get this over with so I can enjoy one fucking day of peace before everything goes back to the third plane?�� Her near constant attitude is as grating as ever, but I am growing to have more empathy for it. Grief serves a purpose, afterall. And hers was ripped away with her. Now, maybe talking to her has always been like a game of whack-a-mole from the wrong end, but it does hit differently knowing she has an excuse for it. I sigh.

    ��I understand. I do. But what happened earlier is why we need to talk. Ember, you left some pretty important shit out when you were prepping us to come here. To come here specifically at your request. We all almost got murdered because of the artificial limbs you helped design. Yes, you have responded poorly to the idea of body modifications, but that is not the same as a decent warning. If prosthetics result in a shoot on sight order, I could have used that information earlier,�� I explain and she rolls her eyes.

    ��I don��t know what to tell you,�� she complains. ��I can��t brief you on an entire culture before bringing you here. I brought back the demon queen of fucking legend, maybe I just had higher expectations of you.��

    ��Yeah, that��s not really the same thing, sport. And I have a feeling I know why. For a long time now, simple proximity to my lovely girlfriend here has been enough to clear out any . . . mental influence. But we have mostly been up against priests and the Radiant Woods, which have their own brand of fucked up. In any case, we incorrectly assumed the same would happen to you if there were any emotional or mind control on you,�� I say.

    ��Sorry,�� Sara interjects, ��I can often tell if nexus energy is actively being used, but I don��t always notice lasting effects if I��m not looking for them. I should have checked. I should have helped sooner.�� Ember gives her an irritated glance but I continue before she has a chance to protest.

    ��Right. Today revealed you have been under the effects of nexus energy for a long time. I think Sara��s proximity helped loosen it a little, hence the turn from attempting to kill me to asking for my help with killing your bosses. But not entirely. You haven��t been given your grief back, and if I am right, you actively work against yourself. Try to sabotage us. Not in serious ways, but with these omissions of details. Everything you know about this so-called ��prophecy��. Why I was labeled a cultist and nearly killed. The shit you have been holding back despite clearly not wanting me dead, at least yet. I think the sages have buried their claws deep in your soul, and you can��t fight back as hard as you need to.��

    Ember gives me a cold stare, but doesn��t respond. I am about to continue when I notice a slight tremor, all around her body. She wants to respond to me. She wants to remain silent. It all translates to a cold glare. Shit.

    ��Ember, I want to try again. It didn��t last long earlier, but I want to try and free you again. I know, it was horrible. But we need to talk, and we need to talk without your lips sewn shut. Let me free you, if only for a while. Please,�� Sara pleads, her gentler voice cutting deep where mine cannot. Ember remains silent. She continues to tremble. I look her in the eye and she nearly snarls, baring the sharp teeth of a carnivore at me. At the same time, water runs through the fur of her face, and she gives a quick nod.

    ��I��m sorry. This is my fault. We should have tried looking at this before we left. When we could do it more gently. I missed it. But you can trust Sara. More than you can trust me,�� I promise. Then Sara reaches a hand out and touches Ember. I reach my left hand out as well, offering what little comfort I can, to a woman who clearly holds me in low esteem. Keeping this in mind I am slow, allowing her the opportunity to decline the offer, but she doesn��t. The trembling calms a little as both hands make contact and Sarafyna gets to work. I can almost feel it. Not physically, exactly. In the way you can feel an argument about to break out, or a fallen child ready to scream. Sara pushes against the foreign influence on Ember��s soul and the aura of the fight saturates the air around us.

    Ember��s breathing shortens and speeds at a rate I have rarely seen outside of animals. A deep purr escapes her, which startles me despite her other feline qualities. It is not the purr of contentment or happiness Suzume often offers me. It is, instead, a desperate attempt at self comfort from a terrified woman. It hurts. She��d felt what was coming, earlier today. She knows how painful it is, facing all of her grief at once. She is doing it anyway and my evaluation of her character is starting to shift. It��s hard to really know her motivations. I don��t even know what she has to grieve for. But it��s something. I��ve always felt something from her. Since Sara brought her back. I have felt deep grief from her many times. In fact, the first time I didn��t was when we crossed the border, before Sara rejoined us. I��d thought it was some kind of extra peace, but it wasn��t. She is in pain and for a moment, neither of us could feel it, even a little.

    But even what Sara had let Ember feel, it wasn��t all of it. The flood that came from her on the wagon nearly drowned out the man who��d vomited as he remembered to grieve for his dead wife. When Sarafyna really pushed, that��s when we really met Ember. I can feel it again now. The increasing grief. The agony. And I see the red anger on Ember��s face. She isn��t going to vomit. She isn��t going to weep. She is more ready than she has ever been to draw blood. She grieves a lot like me.

    ��Are you alright?�� Sara asks and Ember grits her teeth.

    ��Just cut the shit and get it over with,�� Ember growls. I grimace, bracing myself alongside the Ailur woman. And Sarafyna does as she��s told. She pushes, and she pushes hard. The membrane protecting Ember from whatever hurt her starts to tear and I feel the grief as it escapes. I suffocate in it, and Ember��s scowl only deepens. And then it breaks. Whatever control was strangling her snaps and and her rage crescendos. I feel the sickness of oil in water and my mana grows more powerful by magnitudes in an instant.

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    ��Ask your fucking questions,�� Ember says and I nod. I don��t hesitate, and Sara focuses on keeping Ember free.

    ��Why did they try to kill me when they saw my arm?�� I ask immediately.

    ��Citizens who excessively alter the natural state of their body are all called cultists. The sages hate them. All of them,�� She explains through gritted teeth.

    ��Natural? It��s a fucking prosthetic! I barely altered shit! The fuck do they even mean by natural?�� I exclaim.

    ��I don��t know. They have a long list. Anyone who uses alchemical concoctions to focus, anyone who replaces a lost or missing limb, even unnaturally colored hair could get you labeled a cultist. A worshipper of the ancient demon queen. You two . . . you two will definitely piss them off,�� Ember answers.

    ��Why do they care?�� Sara asks, her eyes closed in focus but her brow furrowing at Ember��s explanation.

    ��Control. And Malice,�� I answer immediately. ��That��s all it is. It��s like an itch to them. An itch they can never scratch. They must own everyone. They must dictate everyone��s lives. Being unhealthy is a moral failing. Failing to bend the knee is a moral failing. Living outside the box they build for you is a fucking moral failing. They loathe us. They want to control us. And every inch of us is subject to their malice.�� Ember nods.

    ��Yes. And they will die for it. But that��s not all it is. Lillith, they are afraid. Not just the fear you are describing, I��ve seen that too. But they are fucking terrified. They live like gods but they act like they fear a real one when they encounter too many cultists. You are all to be killed on sight, if you are found. More so than anyone else they hate. I don��t know why,�� Ember says. Hot tears are running through her fur now. I clench my own fists. Alright. I��ll take her word for it. It makes sense she won��t have answers for everything. This means any changes I make will definitely be noticed, but . . . my limbs are going to give me away anyway. I am going to have to mostly hide my body regardless. And to be honest, I want to make them fear me more. I am going to start again. I am going to show them exactly how much I can warp my body from their ideal design. How far I can stray from their control. But I can dwell on that later.

    ��This prophecy about me. How much of it is old, and how much new?�� I ask.

    ��I don��t pay much attention to that shit. Few people took it more seriously than a child��s story until one of the sages started pushing it out everywhere a few years ago. That was when the name ��Annie�� was first introduced. I think the chimera pet is a revelation from the same sage. It was startling, how fast the fairy tale of you became a major concern all around two countries. I don��t know why. But I know they are afraid of you, and that means you can help me kill them,�� Ember answers. ��They shut down half their own playgrounds because of you. Tried to shut down yours, even. But they are too afraid to pass through the Nexus, and yours is surrounded by it.��

    This answer introduces a large number of new questions, but for some reason, one word seems more important to me than the others. ��Playgrounds?�� I ask.

    ��That��s what they call all the countries on the third plane,�� she explains. ��All of them are playgrounds.��

    ��The third plane, as in hell,�� I say. ��That��s Potestia?�� I think she has referred to it similarly before, but I had been distracted and sick.

    ��Potestia and all the countries like it. The Republic and Council lands are the first plane, the nexus the second, and the countries like the one you lived in the third,�� she confirms. That��s . . . interesting. How did the country I live in become the mythical version of hell everyone always referenced? I guess I can see a sick way that a griefless country might look like heaven. But the people growing up in the third plane still refer to it as a terrible place they may be sent? There must be a long story behind that.

    ��And why do they call them playgrounds,�� I press. Ember is trembling now, her claws drawing blood from her hands. This will have to be the last question for the night.

    ��Because that is what they are,�� she says through gritted teeth.

    ��The nexus is pushing back harder,�� Sara interjects. ��Someone really doesn��t want her answering this.��

    ��No shit,�� Ember spits. ��This is the first question you��ve asked that anyone at the bar out there couldn��t have answered, were it safe to ask them.�� She takes a deep breath and I brace myself. ��How many gods do you think can live side by side, trading and sharing power and praise?�� My face pales as the realization settles onto me. ��How much praise do these mewling idiots even deserve in a world that has already met dozens of them?�� Fuck. ��It��s a game. They build them. They send whatever groups they want to live around there. Sometimes people they hate. Sometimes groups they prefer. Then one at a time, they go and live in one themselves. They spend a couple years there, or a couple decades. Basking in a world where they are the special ones. Where they have all the advantages. That��s what the third plane is. It��s where the sages make sure they are the only god to worship.

    The soap. The goddamn soap only the nobles could use. The restricted knowledge and advancement. The thousand stagnant years. Every oddity of a country that could only have been sustained by the goddamn Radiant Woods interfering directly. Their desire to help Godfrey reset it. It was all starting to make sense. Playgrounds. Not countries. Places to receive unearned praise. To show up and ��invent�� ideas the country should have worked its way to itself. Because that��s always how it goes, isn��t it? Deny, deny, deny. Hoard, hoard, hoard. Then show off the ideas you stole from someone else. Someone who works for you or lives in another fucking world, and demand praise for it. But because they are so small, so petty, so drunk on themselves, they can��t even think of anything useful. So they starve people of basic necessities and easy ideas. Because they are easier to remember. Easier to understand. Easier to pretend they came up with it when they sell it to the people they intentionally stole it from.

    But I still have questions. ��What happens when they are done there? What about the fucking Collector? If the sages are meant to be the special ones, why does the church serve the fucking nexus? How did Potestia get completely sealed off by the Radiant Woods? Why do the sages fear it so much?�� She answers none of these. The flood of grief coming from her snaps away like an over stressed rubber band. The trembling stops.

    ��I��m sorry,�� Sara says. ��It started fighting back and . . . I couldn��t. I couldn��t hold on longer.��

    ��Is that all? Can I get some fucking rest now?�� Ember insists and I nod. She marches out of the room like nothing happened but my blood is on fire.

    ��Ember was right. We need to kill every single sage.��

 Chapter 11 - Just Enough Rope

    I didn��t get every question answered. Not even close. But I know enough to make a few decisions. Whatever my feelings toward Ember as a person are, she is right. This country, both of these countries, need liberation. Quite a few places do, if they are herding us like sheep to play hapless townsfolk for their fantasy-fulfilment. I need names. I need details. I need to know every single person I need to kill to free this world from the vise grip of pathetic authority. I also need to get stronger. The kings I sacrificed so much to kill were the mages they successfully suppressed and controlled for a thousand years. Well, maybe. I know their control was still effective in ways. At the same time it��s possible the royal family��s power grew to exceed expectations as the Radiant Woods cut us off from direct access. But that only begs the question of how they maintained control. My head hurts. I��m tired, angry, and scared.

    ��What��s the plan?�� Sara asks. ��Do we just . . . do the same thing as last time?�� I shake my head before I answer. I start using steel mana to summon the new jewelry I want to use to aid my further growth. Little weapons I can use to bridge the gap. I speak as the rings form.

    ��It won��t work. In a sick way, we got lucky in Potestia. They controlled their entire population with divine magic. Anyone will lash out against that kind of direct, forceful manipulation once they have room to breathe. It gave the kings of Potestia more obvious control. But it was also erasable. Freeing Potestia was like unlocking a literal chain. But this is a republic. I don��t know about the council lands, but this is going to be much more difficult.��

    ��But they are being controlled here, too, aren��t they?�� Sara asks.

    ��Well, yes,�� I concede, ��But it��s not the same. It may be with people like Ember, agents they actually expected to encounter me, but the average citizen? Stealing people��s grief is an entirely different can of worms. First of all, it��s not safe to rip that band-aid off right away. Grief wasn��t meant to build up and hit like a truck all at once. You are supposed to feel and process through it over time. If we just tear that wall down without a plan, it will break people. Besides, some people may actually feel grateful to not feel grief. I don��t know if they have therapists here, they didn��t in Potestia, but . . . many people won��t realize the damage its absence has done to them. All that pain at once? They won��t join hands with the person who handed it to them. They will hate me. Hell, they have already been conditioned to.��

    ��But we can��t leave them this way either,�� Sara protests and I nod in agreement.

    ��We can��t. But we need to figure out a way to do it safely. I just . . . don��t know how. How could I? We need time. But that��s not the only problem. LIke I said, it��s a republic. Which means the culture probably isn��t built with the commoners fighting against the nobility. It��s citizens fighting against each other over which rich asshole they want to rule them. Thousands of ideas. Thousands of tribes. And while a lot of people will hate individual sages, they will offer their loyalty to others instead. A republic is a country run on a popularity contest rather than lineage like a monarchy. Everyone will live in ideological wars with each other while their oppressors treat their competition like a colleague they are competing against for a promotion,�� I explain.

    Sara furrows her brow. ��So we are unlikely to easily build communities out of regular people this time. That makes sense. I am a good sage, though. Maybe some of the leaders here are as well. Couldn��t we start with them and the people loyal to them?�� She suggests.

    I am not excessively hopeful about that. ��Well. We can check. We need to learn as much as we can about all of them anyway. There will probably already be groups and ideas who are benevolent and want the same things we do. Especially if stealing grief is a more recent act. Shit, I should have asked Ember about that earlier. I doubt we��ll find any supporters of any sage we can work with, however. If they are participating in the culture they are probably complicit in it to some degree. Authority structures are usually set up so you can��t advance in them without accepting their abuses on some level. And in my experience with elections . . . well, the most popular groups usually either actively want to kill people like us, or they want us to be quiet about being killed.

    ��In any case, there is no way to simply start hunting the rich. Rather than mind control they will likely have used manipulation. Otherwise they wouldn��t need elections at all. The wealthy will have fans among their victims. This doesn��t mean we shouldn��t kill abusers all the same. But it does mean we will usually make as many enemies among the common people as allies when we do. That��s how they work. They give people teams to root for so they can feel like they are winning a competition. When they get exploited, the losers believe they can stop it by winning next time. And the winners? Well, sure they are still getting exploited, but at least their team is winning and they can gloat over the losers,�� I groan.

    ��So it��s not mind control, but a type of control that looks like agency,�� Sara scowls. ��I am familiar with that, at least.�� I can see memories of her time in the Radiant Woods flash across her face. The way it kept her there after she had learned to escape on her own. The way it sent the ��monsters�� to kill me when I was there. She understands even better than I do.

    ��Just enough rope to hang themselves with,�� I confirm.

    ��So. No plan yet, then�� she guesses and I nod.

    ��No plan yet,�� I agree. ��First we learn. Then, maybe we organize. But we need a shit ton more information. And I need more power.�� As I say this I finish the last of the rings. For my nose, lip, Eyebrow, and other similar ideas. I��ve even created new earrings. My limbs don��t have to be the only things that store power. The way I fought that creep earlier, that will make a huge difference. A few more trinkets like these and I��ll have a real advantage. ��It has been an absolutely shitty day. I need to go blow off some steam,�� I say.

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    ��Do you need any help?�� Sara offers. I pause for a moment before nodding.

    ��Yeah, actually. I promised to meet up with our new friend, Turner. I suspect he has made some poor decisions recently and needs a friendly neighborhood feminist to show him the error of his ways,�� I say. Sarafyna, my kind, gentle, slightly shy girlfriend gives me a grin too wide for the human face, displaying entirely too many teeth. She has enjoyed this part a little too much ever since escaping the Radiant Woods. I can hardly blame her.

    ��And what can I do to help?�� she asks.

    ��Nothing much, just stay hidden and keep an eye on me. This creep already knows I can beat him in a contest of magic. He may pretend he thinks I was lucky or cheated or some bullshit, but he knows. I think he is planning to blackmail me, as my hastily built excuse does carry some contradictions. But if he��s not a complete moron, he��ll expect a violent response instead of compliance. Things could get a little dicey if he has a riot spike or something similar. Unless, of course, I have a great, powerful, sexy, hat-obsessed sage backing me up,�� I say. Sara blushes a little but nods.

    ��I��ll keep myself scarce. Lead the way,�� she agrees.

    <hr>

    Turner opens his door with a smirk and invites me in. ��I invited some friends to discuss the issue at hand,�� he says as I walk in to find a large, gruff, human man and a Volo woman in leather armor. Interesting. I��d thought he was just a creep looking for a roll in the hay with a demon queen lookalike. For free, of course. But this doesn��t look like a particularly horny group. So what does he want then?

    ��A pleasure,�� I intone, flicking my eyes back and forth as Turner locks the door behind him. They say nothing and I casually take a seat on a chaise to the side. ��So. Let��s talk.��

    ��Yes,�� Turner agrees. ��You were going to explain why a whore has so much mana and why you were travelling on foot.��

    ��I prefer ��sex worker��, actually,�� I dismiss, beginning to pick at one fingernail as if bored. ��And I��d be more interested in your story. Showing up out of nowhere. Travelling on foot, which you seem to find strange, to rescue a caravan just as it��s attacked. And you just happen to have ��friends�� waiting for you at the first inn we stop at. What are the odds of that?��

    ��I don��t care what you prefer or what you want to talk about. We both know you��re not some common whore,�� he says. ��We have you outnumbered and, in case you are thinking you are strong enough to fight all of us, we already have your friend. Because you are right, I wasn��t there by coincidence. I was there on something of a . . . recruitment mission. And the woman you left, the ugly one, she��s already been recruited by now. The rest of my crew would have picked her up shortly after we left. I let them know about your high appraisal of her combat abilities via whisper. If you ever want to see her again, you��ll do as I say.�� I hold my hand to my chest and put on an obviously mocking expression of shock.

    ��Well. That��s quite the pickle, isn��t it?�� I respond. ��Well. I suppose since you��ve got me by the balls here, you might as well tell me what you want me, and my very attractive friend for.��

    ��Still relaxed are you? You still think you can beat us? Or maybe you didn��t care much for the other woman. Alright, Nadine, go ahead and activate it,�� Turner smirks. And, as expected, the Volo woman pulls a familiar looking spike out of her bag. It probably doesn��t work exactly like mine, but that is a riot spike. She activates it with her mana and I am immediately glad I took a seat. All of my artificial limbs go limp in an instant and I start to feel sick. ��It cost me quite a bit to acquire this. Military grade and all. But I think you��ll find it��s quite effective. You may have stood a chance with magic, but now? You belong to us. You may as well accept it.��

    ��And what do you plan to do with me, then? Sell me? To whom?�� I ask and he smiles. Behind him, a fleshy ooze slowly pours from the ceiling. It creates something of a meaty web behind both of Turner''s henchmen. As two massive spider-legs extend from its branches on opposite sides of the room, I smile pleasantly at Turner.

    ��You��ll see when you get there. Let��s just say you are a far more lucrative catch than the mercs on the caravan were. The Lillith bit may even make you more valuable. They can sell that,�� he says. In unison, two sharp, black legs impale two throats. It is quick and nearly silent. Fuck, my girlfriend is cool. Flesh surrounds the bodies, dissolving them and adding their mana to Sarafyna��s aura. As meaty talons descend from above to restrain Turner, I cross my human leg over my limp steel one. The foot hangs a bit awkwardly, but that��s alright. He looks like he is about to speak again when the talons grab his shoulders and flesh wraps around his mouth, suffocating and gagging him. His eyes widen in horror as I rest my chin in my human hand.

    ��Huh. I guess my friend made it here safely after all. How nice. So, Turner. You want to answer my question now? What was the plan? And, I��d prefer if you didn��t scream, although I don��t think it will do much. My friend, the ugly one as you rudely called her, is likely blocking sound with her Nexus energy. You know how sages are.�� His eyes widen further and his struggling stops almost immediately. I nod and Sara releases his mouth.

    ��I didn��t know, I��m sorry, I never would have�C�� he immediately starts begging but I cut him off.

    ��What was the plan, Turner?��

    ��I�C The Arena. We recruit gladiators. Usually from mercenaries and the like, but once you beat me, and bragged about your�C about her honor, we thought you would be valuable,�� he explains. I raise an eyebrow.

    ��Arena? Where is that?�� I ask.

    ��You . . . you haven��t heard of it? How is that possible?�� he asks and I sigh.

    ��Oh, so it��s common knowledge then. I guess that is all I need to know then. Well, that and where the rest of your friends are,�� I respond.

    ��Th�C They went ahead. To the arena. Or they were supposed to. Last I heard they were still looking for the�C her honor. We didn��t know she was a sage. We didn��t know you were a sage!�� he pleads. ��And you�C who are you?�� His eyes fix desperately on mine and I give him a wide grin.

    ��Well. Who the fuck do I look like?�� I ask. It takes him a moment before he realizes what I mean, and a minute is all he has left. Just as his mouth is opening in horror, Sara snaps his neck and begins to absorb him. As she begins collecting her body back into one place and deactivating the riot spike, I grit my teeth. An arena, is it? That��s problematic. Republics are already harder to start revolutions in, but if they openly have fucking gladiators? Well, the Overton window is already far, far wider than it should be. Sages and their games. People��s lives, games and entertainment. I have work to do.

 Chapter 12 - Hurting to Heal

    ��Are you sure you don��t want to wait another day? We really don��t mind! You must have been walking all night!�� Quinn offers but Sara shakes her head.

    ��I��m alright, really. We��d like to get to town quickly, so I don��t mind resting on the way,�� she replies. Quinn looks to me with concern but I just nod.

    ��She��s made of sturdy stuff,�� I insist. ��You don��t need to worry about us, although we are grateful you do.�� Quinn shrugs and shakes his head.

    ��Well, I suppose if you don��t mind. We do appreciate the escort, It makes us feel safer to have you travelling with us. What with Turner up and vanishing in the middle of the night. Didn��t even bother to check out, and we haven��t paid him in full yet. I wonder where he went,�� Quinn responds and I shrug.

    ��Maybe one of the sages ate him for being such a dipshit. It doesn��t matter, we got you,�� I reply. Sara smiles innocently and Quinn simply sighs, turning to go find his husband and daughter. We��ve decided to go the rest of the way with this group, rather than hire another wagon. No point in cooking up fresh bullshit for someone new when these two have already bought our first serving. I also don��t want to leave them alone. Travel between cities is more common and therefore more dangerous than it ever was in Potestia. He is safer without Turner than he ever was with him, but I still want to offer the family what safety I can.

    August approaches as Sara and I are reloading our bags into the packed wagon. Autumn climbs onto the seat up front next to Ember, which concerns me a bit. Ember is not known for her kindness. ��Looks like it��s us three today,�� he says. ��Autumn is looking for some fresh air.�� I glance at his sister again as she rests her head against the frame of the wagon''s cover. Her eyes are closed and she is taking deep breaths of the open air. Her grief feels like an icy breeze, empowering and hurting me at the same time.

    ��Do you want me to talk to Ember? Make sure she doesn��t say anything stupid?�� I ask and August shakes his head.

    ��No, but, do you have a moment, uh, alone?�� He asks. I glance at Sara who nods.

    ��I��ll go finish packing up the room,�� she agrees before leaving me and August to talk.

    ��What��s up?�� I ask. August barely glances up in confusion before dismissing my odd manner of speech, well used to it by now.

    ��It��s Autumn. Lily, she��s not doing well. I don��t know how much longer asking for ��one more day�� will help. I have to ask. Will she ever feel better?�� I bite my lip. August has been a really good sport. Without him I don��t know if I could keep Autumn going. But that very weight must be wearing on him.

    ��Define better,�� I sigh. ��I don��t know. Henry . . . my brother��s death had a permanent effect on her. Everyone��s death�C�� I pause, ��How much did she tell you about her role in that last fight in Visenar?��

    August hangs his head. ��She told me everything, I think. I know why she blames herself, at least,�� he answers. I nod and continue.

    ��Right. The guilt of that, and everyone it affected . . . We can put the blame where it really belongs. With the man I killed. But her and I, we both made mistakes that made it possible for him. That��s not something you can just take off like a dirty shirt. Neither is the absence of someone you loved. It lives with you until you die, and you can never entirely be who you were before you lost them. Before you made that mistake. Before you were hurt. But . . . it does get better. You learn ways to confront it and live with it. Autumn will heal, but she��ll heal with a scar,�� I say. August��s lips tighten.

    ��What about with . . . a shortcut?�� He asks. I pause, still trying to Tetris all the bags to fit while leaving room for everyone riding inside.

    ��What do you mean?�� I ask.

    He looks at his feet when he replies. ��I don��t understand a lot of what��s going on but I understand enough. The people here, in the republic. They don��t have to feel all that grief, right? The only reason we can is because Sarafyna protects us from the influence of the sages, or whoever is doing it. Quinn and Kobe, they seem so happy without it. Couldn��t we let Autumn feel the same?�� He asks. His eyes are desperate, with water building up in the corners. I have to close my own for a moment, grieving the question on its own..

    ��That would surely kill her,�� I answer.

    ��W-what?�� He asks, ��Why? It isn��t killing anyone else!��

    ��Is it not?�� I counter. ��Are you sure? Grief . . . grief doesn��t exist on its own like some kind of cancer to be scraped away. It��s not a disease to be fought off. It��s not the reason she is hurting, it��s the reason she has a chance at working through it. People are complex, and scary, and confusing. We can��t pick and choose which emotions to feel. Without grief we still feel pain, and loss, and guilt. Grief is how we process trauma. Without it, whatever is hurting us doesn��t go away. It festers like an infected wound. We can cover her eyes and plug her ears but that will only make it impossible for her to go anywhere. No. People need to grieve. Without grief, there is no chance at healing.��

    ��Quinn and Kobe don��t seem to be in pain, Lily. Except when they had their grief back. The rest of the time, they seem happier than you or me,�� August complains.

    ��That��s not because they don��t feel that pain, August. That��s because they lack the tools they need to express it! But just like physical agony hurts more if you can��t scream, loss hurts more if you can��t grieve. Mark my words, Quinn is no happier than your sister. He��s just suffocating on emptiness he can��t express. Think about it, August. He wasn��t witnessing his wife die when he got his grief back. He was in a comfortable wagon among friends, with a new family. So why did he react so strongly? Why did they all collapse under grief the moment it was an option? Because the pain behind it never left. It just built and built and built. Never being processed. Never healing. Think of how many things there have been to grieve for in your life. Every rejection, death, break-up. Imagine if you had never been able to move on. Never able to shed a single tear over one of them. Just living with each and every one like a fresh wound every day, all of your life. Living in this country must be agony,�� I say.

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    August sets his jaw. ��You don��t know that, Lily. How can you know that? Autumn is hurting now, and all we have to do is let the pain stop! She can be herself again! I get what you''re saying, but it��s all just guessing! You don��t really know how these people feel! Sara just has to let Autumn get better! That��s all she has to do! Stop!�� he insists. I sigh.

    ��What Sarafyna is doing for us, is protecting us from outside influence. From force. From some other sage digging their fingers through our hearts and heads and setting things in both as they see fit. Even in the world where what this sage, or sages, are doing is harmless, they don��t get to rule our fucking minds! If Sara stops protecting your sister from that, who is to say it stops at grief? What if they change who she is as a person to fit their whims? Look at Ember! She is tearing herself apart trying to be who she is and who she was designed to be at the same time! And August, Sara can��t fix it. She can give Ember moments of clarity but that��s it. Moments. Once they worm their way under Autumn��s skin they are there. We can��t undo it. We can��t give just a little control to the sages. People who love control don��t settle for compromises. They will take your sister from you entirely, and she will never really be happy again,�� I say.

    August balls his fists and punches the frame of the wagon. ��Damnit, Lily. This is your fault! You did this to her! We would have been fine, we all would have been fine if we had never fucking met you. And now you won��t even try to help her! I thought that was the whole point of you! To prevent grief like this! She is hurting so much and it is your fucking fault!�� I wince.

    ��August, I want to help her. I do. I just can��t do it the way you are asking me to. And I don��t think Autumn even wants that. She saw Quinn yesterday too. She saw the option of grief being taken away. She is a grown woman, fully capable of asking for the same herself. But didn��t you hear her? She was angry! She was furious that they weren��t grieving like she was! She was disgusted by the thought. I won��t do that to her, especially if she doesn��t explicitly ask for it,�� I insist. There is no point arguing over blame. He��s right. What Autumn is going through is my fault. Henry��s death is my fault. And I can��t even tell him I would undo everything I have done if I could. Too many people needed it to be done.

    ��Well then let��s ask her!�� August insists, gently pounding his fist against the frame again, less in anger and more in frustration.

    ��I can��t stop you from doing that,�� I respond. ��But, we are going to go to a larger city first. We are going to have a chance to see how this control affects the people there on a wide scale. Can you at least wait until you have actually seen it, before you try to push this on her? Just let her grieve until then, and we can talk again if you still think it��s a good idea.�� August glares at me.

    ��Fine. But we will be talking about this again,�� he agrees. And, as he turns, his angry demeanor melts away revealing the amiable man I have grown accustomed to. I��m a little taken aback, but I understand. August is a good man. A kind man. And he doesn��t like disagreeing with me much. I don��t think his crush ever faded entirely, despite his lack of pursuit once he learned why I was uninterested. But he loves his sister more than anything. I understand. I do. Wanting that pain to just . . . go away. It would be hard not to feel like he does. But the solution he is suggesting is, well, abuse. Well intentioned, but abuse nonetheless. I wish we could help like he wants. But we can��t. If Autumn can no longer process Henry��s loss she will undoubtedly die.

    I am left to finish packing the wagon while trying to ignore the hollow aching in my chest.

    <hr>

    The rest of the trip is quiet. Ember doesn��t turn out to be a problem. She may say stupid shit about the twins when we get slowed down, but she is perfectly happy to remain silent the rest of the time. Those riding up front don��t speak the entire way, and I suspect this is what Autumn was looking for. August is fairly quiet as well, leaving Sara and I to make polite conversation with the owners of the wagon. This is how we learn this arena is in Circoba, the city we are approaching. I suppose this makes sense, as Turner would likely have been looking to bring gladiators there relatively quickly.

    I want to get a good look at it when I can. Meet whoever runs it. And by ��meet�� I mean negotiate a speedy and clean divorce between their head and the rest of their body. But first, I want to visit the library. And the church. The temple apparently exists in a similar capacity to the Potestian version, although some language has been changed. Some worship the sages, and others the nexus directly. Which, if my guess is correct, means they technically worship the Collector. In a way they are kind of like different denominations, or even different religions which share a deity. Although I am uncertain to what degree they are aware of each other. Then again, even after the sages were cut off from Potestia they still managed to limit advancement somehow. A shared deity would certainly aid this, especially considering the level of mind control commoners were under. As for the nobles, well. You don��t really need to control someone��s mind to stop them from pursuing change when they are benefitting from the status quo.

    Still. The library is first. An institution I am delighted to learn exists extensively in every city. I could have used one growing up in Potestia. I can certainly use one now. We are going to learn everything we can about these fucking sages. About this country. About the Council, too. And when we do, well. We will do what we do best. Nothing ever burns down by itself, as they say.

    As the wagon arrives in the city, the first I have seen without literal walls around it, I am again struck by the complete lack of grief around me. In a way it��s a relief. The feeling has always made me want to vomit. I��ve grown used to it over the years, but it��s never been pleasant. On a surface level it feels good to be around people without my stomach churning so much. But it��s a bit like poison. If you are going to be served any at all, it��s better to get the one you can taste.

    ��Are you alright, Annie?�� Sara asks. I give her a half smile.

    ��I��m okay for now. It��s just . . . too quiet, I guess,�� I respond awkwardly. There is plenty of noise outside the wagon to contest this. Enough that, although we haven��t actually looked at our surroundings outside the comfortable cover, it��s obvious we��ve entered a large and bustling place. Quinn and Kobe look at me with confusion but Sara understands. She wraps an arm around my waist and I rest my head on her shoulder.

    She whispers in my ear as the wagon slows. ��We��ll fix it, Annie. We��ll fix everything.��

 Interlude - Actual Lives

    Oakley

    ��Mr. Mayer?�� My assistant asks for the third time, finally forcing me to look away from the window and give her my attention. I don��t have time for whatever it is she is bothering me with, but it��s impossible to find anyone with any sense for the position.

    ��What is it?�� I ask with irritation. I can��t quite recall her name, Susan or Selena or something. It doesn��t matter, I just need her to spit out whatever it is and leave me alone.

    ��Um, you have a meeting, sir. About the internships. It, um, started about twenty minutes ago,�� she informs me. I roll my eyes. This is what she is bothering me for? A bunch of journalism students working for credit?

    ��And what was it they wanted?�� I groan. I am under too much stress for this. Hasn��t she been watching the fucking news? Does she really think I have time for useless shit like this?

    ��Um, their internships are up sir, we had promised them permanent positions based on performance. But none of the qualifying participants have received their offer letter yet. They are speaking to Aaron, the department head, but you said you wanted to sign off on any new positions. The meeting is with him,�� she explains. What a waste of my time.

    ��They��re journalists, right? Have him open up a tip jar for them, on the website,�� I answer before looking back at the window. ��If they are any good, people will pay them to keep working.�� I can��t think about that right now. It��s not safe to think about that right now. Doesn��t she know people have died? My friends have died, and she is here talking about interns?

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    ��Sir?�� she asks and I snap my eyes back to her. ��I don��t think that will bridge the�C�� I slam my hand on the desk.

    ��If that and what we have already done for them isn��t enough, tell him to fire them. We are a family here. We don��t need entitled scum like that trying to leech off of us. We can always get more interns. I��m done talking about this. Get out,�� I order. I am done with this. Does she not know what ��chief executive officer�� means? My life is at stake and she wants me to worry about nobodies. Once they catch that psycho bitch it might be time to look into replacing her as well. If I could risk letting anyone new near me right now, she would already be gone.

    ��Yes sir,�� she agrees, before turning to leave.

    ��Wait,�� I stop her, one thought coming to mind. She pauses and turns back to me. ��That one intern, James or something. Keep an eye on him and let me know where he ends up. I like his stuff; I��d like to keep reading it.��

    ��... Yes sir,�� she agrees. That pause seals her fate. Once it is safe, I am definitely replacing her. It disgusts me that I have to even wait this long but�� I do. Once it��s safe. And it will be safe again. I��ll make sure of it. I am not prey, I am the predator. I will not be hunted. I will not be the latest name on the news. The latest casualty the uninformed masses cheer for. No. I will make a fucking example out of this woman, whoever she is, who think she can make me fear her. Interns. Who has time for a meeting about intern pay? People��s actual lives are on the line here. Fuck her interns.

 Chapter 13 - The Best of Us

    Edward

    I sit in front of the pillar of glass as I do every day. Visenar is taking a long time to clean up, after all the destruction Darian left in his wake. I am here to help with that, but I always take time here. No one has gotten around to this yet. It��s not in the way of anything. There are no homes or businesses destroyed nearby. It��s on its way to the palace, a path few people tread anymore. Someone will want to remove it. In a week, maybe two. Once everything else is done. I wonder if anyone will know who he was. If anyone will ask.

    I killed him. That much is clear. I��ve never met another mage with glass mana, and by now most people know I fought in the palace on insurrection day. It��s obvious I killed him. I killed him in an instant. He was slowing me down and I couldn��t afford to be delayed. I couldn��t. I barely remember the moment I realized I had to kill him. The panic that made me do it without hesitation. He looks afraid, now. Shocked. Like he didn��t realize the danger until a moment before his death.

    I wanted to be him so badly. So desperately. He has always been a pillar in my life to scale. A peak beyond my reach. Until the end. Until I needed to stop someone and he was in my way. I killed him so quickly. It feels wrong. Like he should have had some long speech. Some final words. A goodbye, of sorts. Instead, he was just an obstacle to get past. Why does death have to be so fast? So permanent? I can��t help but wonder. If I could have had a chance. A chance to really talk to him, if he could have been saved. If he could have let go of all the perceived slights to his pride. Like I did.

    ��Henry is dead,�� I say. I tell him this every day, And like every day, he fails to respond. ��When he was taken, the first time, it was my fault. He was there to get me. To save me from myself. From spiraling like . . . he was there for me. And he wanted to work with me to escape. I agreed then . . . sacrificed him to escape myself. It was my fault he was taken.�� Again my�C the man I killed just stares back, face still contorted in horror. Eyes still empty.

    ��I always thought I would make up for it someday. You know, after Lily saved him, after she fixed my mistake . . . he never told anyone what I did. He kept it secret. Never threatened me with the information either. He didn��t go looking for any justice for my cowardice. Never even brought it up privately. He just. He didn��t trust me anymore. Which was deserved. But somehow it hurt so much more than everyone knowing. Knowing what a coward I am. How weak I am. How much suffering my brother went through because of my cowardice. He still called me his brother. He was still kind. Never once did he utter a single sharp word in my direction. The Collector knows Lily would have. She would have beat me into the ground with one of her lectures. I would have preferred that. Instead I lived with my little brother, constantly on the other side of thick glass. Smiling. Waving. But never within reach.��

    The man I killed doesn��t condemn me for this. He never does. And it never feels better to confess to him. I continue anyway.

    ��I thought, if I kept fighting. Kept making up for my past, someday that glass wall would come down. He wouldn��t just forgive me, but maybe even trust me again. I was going to prove that I wasn��t the coward who abandoned him. And you know what? When I got the spikes back, I thought maybe I had gotten there. I fought Prince Kallon. One of the most powerful mages in the country. I faced him head on and I won. I didn��t run away. I didn��t hide. And I thought, surely, this time, I will face my brother and he will know I��m not a fucking coward anymore. He will know that, next time, I will protect him. From now on, he can feel safe and at ease, knowing that I won��t abandon him ever again.��

    I take a deep breath as my voice starts to tremor. ��But I��d already seen him for the last time. I just didn��t know it yet. One last awkward goodbye from a brother who never trusted me again. He is in another pillar. Like you. But his is stone instead of glass. His death was also too quick. No final words or goodbyes. I guess one of us did grow up to be like you after all, in a way.�� There is no humor in the joke. Only bitterness. I am the only child anything like our father. And I will die ashamed of it, someday. ��He was the best of us. Better than me. Than Gil. Than Lily. He deserved to be the happiest. And he is gone. And I don��t know what to do. I am cleaning up the city. Helping rebuild after all of that destruction. But I��m lost. Aimless. What do I do now? How do I move forward?��

    ��E-Edward Endings?�� A voice says and I tense up. Turning to see a wiry man with his hat in his hand. He is jittery and carries a wild look in his eyes. He is in a full on panic, but everything is calm, I can��t understand it.

    ��Yes?�� I offer. A wave of anxiety flows off of him all at once as he realizes he��s found me.

    ��Please, they need help. There was an attack, no one knows what to do, none of us are used to fighting. We still can��t contact the Mage of Mourning. We don��t know who else to ask,�� he begs. My hackles raise. An attack? By whom? Why? And why am I the person they came looking for?

    ��Show me,�� I answer, and the wiry man nods, nearly breaking into a sprint toward the center of the city. There is a tremor in the air, like the sound of steel bending. It��s just a feeling but it runs down my spine and hastens my step. The city is ash and rubble as I run past, until it is pristine and untouched. Side effect off Lillith��s attempts to defend it. In all directions there are pillars of stone. The closer we get to one the more carnage we see. The further we get the cleaner the city becomes. But we aren��t heading for any of these. No, we are growing closer and closer to the massive tree in the city. Where the gallows used to be. We are headed toward the Radiant Woods. I brace myself as we finally make it to our destination. Even so I am unprepared.

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    The taste of iron in the air is thick, and it��s clear to see why. My stomach churns. I��m not ready for this. I��m not who they needed. They need Lily, not me. Anyone but me. Whatever fighting there is to do is over. Half a dozen volunteers lie dead at the base of the tree. They surround the broken and mangled body of what can only be described as a monster. Its arms end in jagged, twisted blades. Its legs are the same, extending so far up that each step must have dug blades into its haunches. Its head has been crushed by a massive stone while smaller rocks surround its bruised and bloody body. There are maybe ten remaining bystanders, exhausted and bloodied. Two are bandaging a third as the rest catch their breath.

    ��W-what happened here?�� I ask, horror washing over me. The terrified man who came to get me shakes his head, looking toward the wounded woman.

    ��Monsters aren��t supposed to escape from the Woods,�� she grumbles. ��I don��t know why. But this one did.�� She spits in its direction, much to the chagrin of the woman in charge of bandaging her.

    ��Please, tell me everything,�� I ask, trying to suppress the shaking in my voice.

    <hr>

    Gilbert

    Dom watches the tree line as I draw. He��s been keeping me company every day as I watch. Neither of us intend to miss suffering again. Neither of us intend to be too late to stop tragedy. We will not let anyone else die while we enjoy ourselves.

    ��Any luck?�� I ask and he shakes his head, dropping the hand with the whisper sphere to his side.

    ��Still no contact,�� he answers. Shit. She is travelling on foot. She shouldn��t be too far for these to work. As far as I know, with Sarafyna��s whisper spheres there is no such thing as too far to work. And yet, we haven��t been able to contact any of them for days. They haven��t stopped by the hat shop either. They are completely cut off from us. Which means, if something does happen, we are on our own. This was always a possibility, but it wasn��t considered likely so soon, and is pretty close to the worst case scenario. I pause while drawing Dom��s nose.

    ��What do we do if we never get in contact with them?�� I ask. He pauses.

    ��I . . . don��t know. I��d like to believe I��ll be able to protect everyone but,�� he sighs. ��I��ve believed that before.�� I still haven��t asked him for his entire story, but I heard about the last battle he was in. When Tumult was destroyed. He should have been stronger than his opposition, but he lost. And a lot of people died. He may understand what I am going through even better than I do.

    ��We will,�� I say. ��Whatever comes, we��ll be ready.�� He looks forward at the Radiant Woods again.

    ��I hope so,�� he whispers. I take a deep breath. I don��t know how to comfort him. But he is helping me. I want to do the same. I open my mouth to try, but a gentle buzzing goes off in my jacket and I reach in to find my sphere is active.

    ��Hey,�� I say. ��Everything alright over there?�� Only one person ever calls me on this sphere. My . . . friends back in the other community don��t contact me as much. They can��t really connect with me right now. I don��t blame them. They are sympathetic, but they just don��t get it. The grief they understand. But not the guilt. No, the only person who calls me now is Edward.

    ��No, Gil,�� Ed says, fear apparent in his voice. Dom��s face shifts in an instant, from melancholy to steel. ��Something has changed. There was some kind of attack. Gil, the monsters in the Woods can leave now!�� My blood runs cold for a moment. Dom clenches his fists.

    ��Wait. Wait wait wait. No, Lily said they are just people. That should be fine, right? She wished they would come out on their own! They��d be easier for Sara to find and help. But they aren��t supposed to be able to survive outside the control of the Woods. Not without a divine mage, right?�� I ask.

    ��I don��t know. But this one came out in Visenar. Gil, it killed six people! One of them killed six people! What if it��s not the last?�� Ed pleads and my heart quickens.

    ��Gilbert, this isn��t good,�� Dom whispers. Then he takes the sphere from me. ��Ed, this is important. This monster, did they attack first? Or did the people they killed make the first move?�� Ed is silent for a long moment, leaving Dom and I a chance to talk. ��Gilbert, if what Lily says is true and these monsters are innocent people . . . what��s going to happen if they start showing up everywhere, in all of these communities at once?��

    ��I�C I don��t know, but Sara won��t be able to help them. But why would it attack the volunteers with Ed?�� I ask.

    ��We don��t know that they did. They could have escaped the Woods, looking like a monster, and incited what felt like self defense. That��s why I asked who attacked first. This is what I��m worried about, Gil. Is this a single instance, or is this going to happen all over? And what will people do if it does? People will die!�� Dom explains and my face pales.

    ��And if it did attack first?�� I ask. Dom pauses, and his eyes return to the trees.

    ��If they did attack first, well. A lot more people will die,�� he responds. Just as he does, Ed''s voice returns.

    ��I-I can��t tell. No one is sure. What are we going to do, Gil?�� He begs. I look at Dominic, whose eyes are widening.

    ��I don��t know,�� Dom says. ��But we need to figure something out quickly. It just happened here too.��

 Chapter 14 - Joy and Uncertainty

    Charlotte

    ��Someday, no one will be able to tell us what to do or who to be,�� Amelia promised. Her hand held mine and my heart pounded in my chest. It wasn��t the rush of her presence but of fear. That ominous cloud of ever-present eyes. The shocked horror of my father, like he could appear from around any corner at any time. The possibility terrified me. It alone was almost enough for me to pull my hand back. Almost. I continued to hold my friend��s hand. It was worth being caught. She saw me. Through everything. Through my name, my clothes, my father��s watchful eye, she saw who I really was. Serenity.

    ��You think so?�� I whispered. She gave me the confident smile only a child knows how to wear properly.

    ��Oh definitely,�� she promised. ��You��ll be Serenity to everyone and I��ll be Amelia. And our kids will be whoever they want to be.��

    ��How?�� I asked. ��How can we ever live like that? Amy, Dad will never allow it. He��ll never let us go.�� Amelia��s face fails to falter.

    ��He can��t stop us, not forever! Someday you and I can both go, far away from here, where he��ll never be able to reach us. And we��ll let anyone else who wants come with us. Mom says the world is bigger than your dad imagines with more people in it than he��s ever met. And when we are bigger, and have our own money, we can see it all, until we find somewhere that no one else goes to. Somewhere where no one is in charge of us and no one gets to choose our names for us!�� she responded. But she was wrong. She didn��t understand. Even what we were doing was dangerous.

    ��There is nowhere he can��t reach,�� I whispered and she pouted.

    ��Oh come on Sera, sure there is! If he could control everything, he would have already stopped us from seeing each other!�� She insisted. The very suggestion forced me to look over my shoulder again. Our own little corner of the world remained untouched. It was a quiet spot under the stairs in a rarely-used wing of the mansion. It should have felt like a refuge, but it always seemed to increase my sense of shame. Like I was doing something wrong by hiding. By meeting up with a friend where we could be alone. Maybe it was just fear rather than shame, but after a lifetime with my father, I can��t tell the difference anymore. Always feel one with the other, that was the message of every beating.

    ��If you say so,�� I agreed half-heartedly. It was a beautiful dream. I wished I could fully believe in it. A few months later, Amelia took the first step towards it. She trusted her mother with it, the woman who made her believe in it. Not long after that, she was gone forever. I stopped hoping to see her again years ago. Decades. But . . . something has changed.

    ��Hey Char Char!�� Ryanna greets, forcing my eyes to slowly open. ��You awake yet?�� I groan as the blur of the younger woman comes into focus. I��d been with Amelia again. I didn��t want to wake up yet. ��Leo found another one! Come see!�� This wakes me up the rest of the way.

    ��Really? We weren��t even travelling. How did he find someone?�� I ask and she shrugs.

    ��I guess they just sort of stumbled into the clearing and started to heal,�� she answers and I furrow my brow. That��s odd. We have caught up to a few people already while following them. Our numbers have increased to seven, or eight now. This is the first person to literally come to us.

    ��Aren��t they all heading in the same direction? Why would someone come back this way?�� I ask.

    ��Beats me. Maybe this time they��ll remember why they were going that way in the first place,�� she answers. I suppose she is right, the best way to get answers is to ask our new friend. Part of me wonders if we will finally find someone who is simply injured, or sick, like Lillith said we should. So far everyone we have found has, well, shared our struggle. Back in Potestia I��d had to actively search for allies in this fight. Now, every single person we find and save is one of us. To the point that it is growing suspicious. The Houses of Penance were full and with few people like me. All of them end up in the Radiant Woods eventually. There must be a reason we are finding only people like us here.

    At the same time, I can��t help but hope. What if? What if this time, we find Amelia? What if there is hope after all? My heart speeds up again as I follow Ryanna. Vance waits by the fire, content to wait for us to return as our newest members continue to sleep. Maybe, this time. This time it will be Amelia. We catch up to Leo who wears a wide grin. Something I am gradually becoming more familiar with. This is who he was born to be. Out here, with scraps for clothes and scraping for food. A fate that would leave most miserable. A fate I tried to save him from. But he is so, so alive. At his feet sits another ��monster��. Another victim. This one is finished transforming and Leo has already given them his blanket.

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    ��Well, this is new,�� our new member greets. No fear. No relief. Just curiosity. I am obviously entering in the middle of a conversation, but this person��s unbothered demeanor still feels odd. One thing is clear. This is not Amelia. Part of me is disappointed. Part of me accepts it immediately, almost with a sense of relief. I deserve the disappointment. And Amelia deserves better than me.

    ��Right? It takes some getting used to, but it feels . . .�� Leo responds, trailing off at the end.

    ��Amazing,�� I finish under my breath. Leo nods enthusiastically. Not out of pride, well not exactly. He is definitely proud to help people like this. But his joy is so much more pure than that. The joy of community. Of acceptance. Of change that no cruel god can deny. Leo bathes in the reality he has freed and he overflows with the joy of genuine kindness. Every day it becomes more pronounced. Every day it tries to infect me. But I don��t deserve it. He earned this joy despite me, not because of me. So I deny the tug at the corners of my mouth.

    ��Right, amazing! This is my mom, by the way. Her name is Charlotte. Mom, this is Frey! Frey is like us too, but not quite. How did you describe it, Frey?�� Leo asks, addressing the person still sitting on the ground.

    ��Oh I��m not like anyone but me,�� Frey says. Ironically, the phrase immediately reminds me of another friend I had once. A friend I��d lost, not to the Radiant Woods but to regular, everyday cruelty. Again my traitorous lips try to flick into a gentle smile. I distract myself with my worries instead of responding right away. I look around the clearing we stand in. It��s similar to everywhere we have been. What the world looked like here before the Radiant Woods grew over it. Healing, like us. Slowly. The oppressive reality dominating it has been removed. The radius seems to be growing as well. Leo is getting stronger. This only inspires fear for him. He is so happy. But we know so little.

    I am happy for him. For myself, even, whether I deserve it or not. But what I have done is done. And we still don��t know how things worked out back in Potestia. I should have fought with Lillith. I should have given everything I had, I know that now. But that doesn��t mean I was wrong that it was hopeless. Just that I was wrong not to fight anyway. Everyone he loves, except for me, is probably dead. This is only more likely because of my mistakes. And what will Leo��s newfound joy look like when he returns and finds no one left? What about when the remaining mages of Potestia come after the rest of us? The more he has, the more it will hurt to lose. Above all else, that is what terrifies me. Before he was miserable, and I hated that I couldn��t help him. Now he is overjoyed, and I��m terrified of the whiplash when he loses all of that at once.

    ��Mom, you alright?�� Leo asks and I focus back on his face. On his sparkling smile. It makes me want to believe the world can never come crashing down around him. But it can. And I can��t protect him. The last time I tried . . . I will never overcome the shame of trying to protect him. So I can only watch.

    ��I��m alright,�� I lie. Frey is standing now, and I realize I have been tuning out their conversation. ��Just . . . Frey, I��m told you came toward us, do you remember why?�� I ask. I have little hope that they do. No one has remembered much so far. But . . . they went the wrong way this time. Maybe, just maybe this time will be different.

    Frey shrugs. ��What do you mean?�� they ask.

    ��Apparently, most of us were heading in the same direction this whole time. You��re the first to come towards us instead of us catching up to them,�� Ryanna answers. Frey tilts their head.

    ��Oh, I remember,�� they say. ��The nexus wanted me to go the other way real fuckin�� bad. Kept telling me they��d turn me back to the way I was. Let me go back home.�� They chuckle and let a sharp breath out their nose. ��But you know what? Fuck the nexus. I didn��t want to go back anywhere. And if it wanted me to do something, I was going to do the opposite.�� This only makes Leo grin more, and his infectious joy paints the same on Ryanna��s face. I remain concerned.

    ��Wait, you remember, before you got here?�� I ask again, almost disbelieving.

    ��Yep, I remember every forsaken day in that shit.��

    <hr>

    ???

    I tap my foot impatiently. Sarafyna refuses to let that girl be dead. That is going to be a problem. She could be so powerful without the dead weight. Enough to kill the rest of the sages on her own. It would be better if she were the one to kill each as well. Alone, she is the exact sage I��ve been looking for, for centuries. This world has grown stale, and I have grown weary of it. But the other sages are persistent. They have learned such tricks for avoiding my little collector. They are so careful now. I haven��t gotten a new one of any quality in so long. It needs to eat all of them. And Sarafyna is how I make that happen.

    Just as soon as the corpse she brought here with her is dealt with. She is spending so much of her energy keeping that woman alive. I need to arrange for their separation again, and this time I��ll have to handle the obstacle myself. So thoroughly there is no body left to force life back into. Sarafyna may be powerful, even more so than me at the moment, but even she lacks the power to create an entirely new body for her girlfriend��s soul to inhabit. Only one person will ever have that power, and that is me, when all is said and done.

    Then there is the damn negative mage. He��ll need to be dealt with, once he is done with his current task. He could cause some serious hiccups in the plan. But I can work with all of these moving pieces. I can use the negative mage to draw Sarafyna back. Once they are separated, I will destroy that walking corpse, and Sarafyna��s rage will handle the rest of the sages for me. Her rage and her newfound power when she��s not spending so much of it defying death itself.

    All the moving pieces give me a headache, but I grin anyway. Victory is so close I can taste it. It runs down my chin like drool. Just a few more weeks. A few more weeks and it will all finally be over. I will finally, finally, transcend this hellhole.

 Chapter 15 - Top of the Murder List

    Lillith

    It��s good to be in a library again. Not a little bookshop, but an actual, honest library. It��s a little hint of a life I left behind a long time ago. The hallways of books, the smell of paper and the hum of respectful silence. The gooseflesh I��ve been wearing for weeks seems to calm for a moment as I sit at one of many quiet tables in quiet corners. Across from me, Sarafyna flips through a book, gently brushing her auburn hair behind her ear as it gets in the way. It is a gentle moment. The kind of no significance that I know will live with me until I die. She is beautiful and the world is calm for a moment. For a few hours, I don��t have to think.

    About the fact that I need to ask her to go back and check on the Potestians. About Leo, who we still haven��t found. About letting her leave my sight. My protection. About the risk of waking up happy and hearing, second hand, that someone I love has been dead for days. A moment where I can live in the radiant warmth of Sarafyna��s presence. I do need to ask her to go back, if only for a little while. I do. I��ve needed to for days. But . . . I can��t bring myself to. It��s funny. I can sacrifice myself again and again. I can risk my own death. I can lose my limbs and my fucking heartbeat. But once I realize I have to be separated from Sarafyna again. Risk losing contact with her again. I am still so, so selfish. I am still not strong enough to really risk what I care the most about. I have to tell her to go back. I have to.

    She purses her lips as something in the book she is looking through irritates her. It��s adorable. I love her. I have to tell her. I have to ask her to do this. I am too selfish to get the words out.

    ��Alrighty, I got a few more of the books you were looking for!�� an enthusiastic man exclaims, somehow sounding loud even while whispering. Orangish mana, not unlike mine, drops several dozen tomes next to our table. I grimace as I look up at the librarian, an apparently enthusiastic fan of the sages.

    ��Right, thanks,�� I respond. ��If you don��t mind, you can bring half of them to the other table, for my friends.��

    ��Oh I already did that! This is half. Sorry about that, but you did ask for everything we have on the sages after all!�� Sara and I both glance at the mountain of literature and wrinkle our noses.

    ��That��s . . . a lot,�� Sara laments and I bite my lip. On the one hand, it looks exhausting. On the other hand, it is an excuse. An excuse to keep spending a moment of calm with Sara. I don��t know whether to feel relieved or weary. I suppose both.

    ��What do you need all this for anyway?�� the librarian asks. I pick a book from the top and blow a very thin layer of dust off of it.

    ��Fanfiction,�� I intone, without looking up. Somehow, I still feel the man light up with joy.

    ��You too?�� he asks eagerly. Oh. Perhaps an ill-advised lie. I venture a glance up to see his eyes wide open and sparkling. I actually think it would be charming, if his enthusiasm wasn��t for some of the slimiest creeps to ever bury their shit on this planet.

    ��. . . yep,�� I confirm, forcing a smile. ��Me too.��

    ��Oh, tell me when you��re done! I��d love to exchange stories, or I can even give you feedback as you work on yours, if you want. Do you want to read mine now?�� he practically pleads. I am about to turn him down, but I shrug after a moment��s consideration.

    ��We��d love to,�� I agree and he practically jumps out of his boots with joy.

    ��Oh, I��ll be back in a while. Will you still be here in an hour? Oh why am I asking, look at these books, of course you will! I��ll be back, I have to run home to get it! You can ask the other librarian if you need anything while I��m gone! In the meantime, I recommend the autobiography of Nathan, the Fortress Sage. Great revenge story. Good luck!�� he gushes, turning on his heel and practically skipping away before I can answer.

    ��Is fanfiction what it sounds like?�� Sara asks in confusion. I scratch the back of my head.

    ��Uh, basically. His own stories he made up about the sages,�� I answer.

    ��And you agreed to read his because?�� She pushes. I sniff.

    ��Well, we aren��t going to make it through all of these this year. But if you want detailed and thoroughly researched information about something, there is no one better to go to than a fanfiction writer. And there is no one who will answer such questions so passionately. Honestly, the guy could end up being incredibly helpful,�� I respond.

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    ��Oh, that makes sense. Kind of makes me feel bad for him, though,�� Sara says. I scoff.

    ��When the sages are gone I��ll introduce him to Pok��mon. Put his enthusiasm into something more positive.��

    ��Is that something from your world?��

    ��Pok��mon transcends worlds.��

    ��I��m sure. I guess you��ll just stroll back to Earth and grab it for him, then?��

    ��Yeah, got a problem?��

    ��No, not at all. Grab me something while you��re there.��

    ��Maybe I will. Get you one of those translucent sun visors.��

    ��If you keep joking about those I am going to make one and force you to wear it.��

    ��If you made me one I would wear it with goddamn pride and you know that.��

    Sara fails to hold back a laugh at this and a Volo woman a few tables away gives us a sharp look before shushing us. I choke on a laugh of my own. ��I know you would, Annie. Come on, let��s actually get something done,�� Sara says. I sigh as reality calls me. Right. We are looking for weaknesses in the most powerful people in the country, so we can murder them one by one. I offer a melancholy nod of assent before opening the book in my hands and beginning to skim.

    Hours pass by like this. The librarian does, in fact, drop off his fiction which I agree to read. I spend most of the time learning about the sages and Nexus energy, with brief breaks to chat with Sarafyna. I do learn a lot. Nexus magic is actually highly specialized. Each sage can do a little of everything, but most have one specific thing they kick ass at that the others don��t. At least the major ones do. There are actually a large number of sages in the history books that amounted to very little. Some nexus talents are more common than others, and they tend to have similar weaknesses. For instance, mind control. Apparently common among sages, but often fails when the subject of the control is touched. That��s an almost nostalgic thought, in a macabre way.

    ��Oh Jesus, get a load of this fucking guy,�� I practically spit. Sara looks up from her own book with weary eyes and raises an eyebrow, inviting me to explain. I��m flipping through the autobiography of Nathan, the Fortress Hero. The same book the librarian had suggested. One of the more important ones as he is currently in a prominent position in the republic government, which takes priority over Council sages or already dead ones, who I am reading about last.

    ��Alright, so the sage shows up from his own world, fully in his body rather than reincarnated like me. Most of these losers seem to be, actually. I��m growing more and more curious about my own reincarnation the more I read . . .�� I trail off, getting a little distracted.

    ��What makes him special?�� Sara asks, refocusing me on what I had been saying.

    ��Oh, right, sorry. Alright, so, as you may have guessed from his title, his talent in Nexus magic is focused almost entirely on defense. Big old walls, force fields, shields, that kind of thing. He��s one of the least susceptible to other sages'' influence as well as mana. Anyway, I��m getting sidetracked again. The point is, he is good at protecting a lot of people at once from any kind of damage. Gonna be a real pain in the ass, truth be told. But the way he tells his story is just . . . the most obvious bullshit I��ve ever heard in my life.

    ��This guy shows up in this world, during a time when the sages are already widely revered, with the specific ability to protect people. The safest sage to be around, provided he is as kind as he would have us believe. This takes place in one of the playgrounds, I think, if I am reading this right. Anyway, he has this entire story about being betrayed, slandered, ''forced'' to buy slaves who end up enjoying slavery. All sorts of justifications for some pretty gross behavior.�� I explain. Sara gives me a look of disgust, before I offer her the book and she peruses the page I have open.

    ��What does this name he uses on this woman even mean? Wait, never mind, I don��t think I want to know. How much of the story do you think is true?��

    I hold one hand flat and wobble it back and forth. ��Eh, some probably. It��s either made up entirely just as a pure fantasy, or this fucker is guilty as sin. I��m calling it now. Story doesn''t really hold water in any case. No one really gained anything out of ��smearing�� him but, and if it is a playground this makes sense, he would get something out of the story. Flimsy justification for buying slaves, too, I guess. Either way it��s all just one big power fantasy. I feel like I need a shower after just reading his smarmy ass book.��

    Sara wrinkles her nose. ��Not as lovable a character as our librarian friend implied, huh?�� she guesses.

    ��Well it''s not really the librarian''s fault. Taken at face value, I can see why he would be a fan of this story. This man, actually. It''s not that different from my own story in a lot of ways. If you don''t know about countries like Potestia, if you haven''t witnessed them, most of it isn''t so bad. Except, you know, the slave bit. That''s fucked regardless. But knowing he arranged for all this? It just feels like a fantasy about putting lessers in their place. So yeah, this fuckin'' guy is going to the top of the murder list. What a slimy little creep. He goes right after your friend, Rune. The Scholar Sage you said? The one whose stories are much older than fifteen years, by the way. Can��t wait to find out why he looked like a child to you. I bet I��ll like that story just as much.��

    ��Works for me. I��m happy to go after both of them, if you like,�� Sara agrees. I am about to look back at my book when she reaches one hand out to touch mine. ��Annie, I think we have read enough for the day. We should get back to the inn . . . we need to talk.��

    My still heart sinks. I was a coward for too long. I am terrified. I am relieved. I read the entire conversation in her eyes. She isn��t going to make me ask. She is just as smart as I am. She knows she needs to go back too. But I don��t want her to go. I don��t want her to go.

 Chapter 16 - Fear

    I nervously shake my leg as I sit on my bed in the inn. I feel like a child in trouble. Sara sits on her bed across from me, biting her lip. Neither of us want to speak and the tension in the air coils around us like a snake. We both know what has to be said. We both know what has to be done. But neither of us wants to bring it up. Despite my confidence in all other things, Sarafyna has always carried the majority of the courage. However I may like to think of myself. However gentle and quiet she usually is. She remains more bold than me, and always will. True to pattern, she speaks first.

    ��I��ll come back,�� she promises. She skips the actual discussion about leaving. And she is right too. We already know why she has to go back now. We know we can��t delay anymore. We have known since we crossed the border and our original plan proved impossible. So she is promising to come back. ��You know I��ll be back, before you��ve even managed to murder anyone, probably.��

    This forces a laugh out of me before I even realize it��s coming. ��You underestimate me,�� I joke. ��I��m going to need something to distract me, and I doubt they have any Zelda games here.��

    ��Are those the options?�� She chuckles. ��Games and murder?��

    ��I��m a simple woman,�� I shrug, giving her a poorly hung smile. The brief reprieve of the conversation hangs in the air for a moment before reality grows too heavy for it to bear. The briefly pleasant mood rises like heat until it��s no longer in reach. I hang my head. Sara stands and moves to my bed, sitting quietly next to me. This is all she does. She has said a thousand things in the simple promise to come back, and she knows she doesn��t need to elaborate. I let out a heavy sigh, and all the bravado I carry for the twin��s sake is dragged out with it. Water runs quietly down my cheeks.

    ��I��m scared, Sara,�� I whisper. She lets out a quiet breath. Without looking I know she is biting her lip again. I can see that expression with my eyes closed. It doesn��t help. ��I��m so scared. And it��s stupid. It��s fucking stupid, because we have done worse than this before. You��ll be gone what, a week? Far less time than we have been separated before. But . . . it always felt so certain that I would see you again. That no matter how far you got or what happened, you��d always come back. Or I��d come to you. But . . . that doesn��t feel so certain anymore. I know it never was. But�C�� Sara puts her hand on my shoulder.

    ��I��m scared too,�� she whispers, barely audible. ��Annie, I only ever feel safe when I��m with you. Even when we finally found my father I�C well I only ever feel safe when I��m with you. Annie. I am terrified to leave, even for a week. Even for a day. But . . . because of that, I have spent a lot of time around you. To the point where, however terrified I am, I have to move forward. I��ve fallen in love with too many steps you have taken. Over and over again, I have fallen for you as you do the impossible for everyone but yourself. It��s how I learned to break reality myself. When I first fell for you, I didn��t realize I was attracted to you. I thought I wanted to be you. Then I thought I was attracted to you. Now, I know it��s both. I want to be what you are. What you have been, for so many people, even when I am afraid.

    ��And I know. I know that being you is hard. And it''s been harder lately. But you are still you. Which means I have to go, to save you from asking me to. To save you from failing to ask me to. Because you are afraid for me, and you are afraid for the people we left behind. For your family. Your community. Leo. And I love you, because there are so many of them, and only one of me, and you still wanted to keep me by your side, even as you live in terror for all your other loved ones. I love you because you couldn��t bring yourself to ask me to risk myself again, after what happened last time. I love you because you were going to anyway, and because you would never forgive yourself if you didn��t.��

    Her hand moves from my shoulder to the side of my head running her hand through my hair. ��I love you too, Sara. You make everything feel normal again. Like I don��t have to constantly wear a mask. Around you, I can be Annie, and not the Mage of Mourning or whatever other title people have stapled to me. I feel love like an open wound. It hurts. And love isn��t going to keep us alive to see each other again,�� I respond.

    ��I wonder about that,�� Sara muses and a strange warmth washes over me with her words. ��Well. It will help us trust each other to stay alive. And it will let us enjoy the time we do have together,�� she counters. She is right. I need to trust her. I do trust her. I trusted Henry too. No. That isn��t right. I know that isn��t right. I look up at my girlfriend while wearing a face of porcelain.

    ��Can we try the hat, one more time?�� I ask.

    ��It won��t work,�� she answers. ��I can feel that it won��t work.�� I glance over at her bag and sigh. She is, of course, right again. We have tried over and over again. As long as that barrier stands, it won��t work.

    ��Yeah,�� I admit. ��You��re right. We need to take advantage of tonight. You need to go tomorrow. Make sure everyone is safe. And stay safe yourself. Indulging in my cowardice would be a waste of tonight.�� It hurts. I am so afraid. But . . . somehow I still feel warm. I want to be myself again. I want to trust Sara again. I still feel like I am not me. But tonight, around Sarafyna, maybe I don��t have to be. Maybe I can just be her girlfriend. We can feel warm and safe and sure of the future for one night.

    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

    ��I was thinking the same thing,�� Sarafyna agrees.

    Usually, in the evenings, we trade stories or read a book together. I look toward my bag, hanging off my headboard. ��We can try that librarian��s story. Worst case scenario it��s funny, best case it��s actually good. I could use the distraction,�� I say. She smiles and nods and we work our way through it, pausing to tell different stories and provide our own commentaries. Sara laughs at my Earth anecdotes and I help her draw the different hats she insists each character should wear. It feels so achingly normal, in a way that is almost a good pain, like the removal of a thorn or massaging an anxious knot. It is a beautiful, if melancholy evening.

    Once again we sit on a bed, Sarafyna��s this time, and I rest my head on her shoulder. ��Thanks, Sara,�� I say. ��I��m still terrified. But at least right now . . . it��s more numb. A normal evening was the perfect goodbye.��

    ��A-almost, perfect,�� she stutters, ��There is just one more thing I don��t want to regret.�� As she says this, she adjusts, prompting me to lift my head. She turns on the bed so she is facing me, and I hesitantly do the same. One of her hands gently runs up my rib cage, and I can feel a nervous tremor in it as she does.. The other lands on my cheek, then travels to the back of my head and pulls me into a deep kiss. Her lips are soft and warm, and her teeth brush against my lower lip in a tentative way. The hand on my side continues to travel, barely missing my chest, hesitating as it does, before continuing and landing again on my shoulder. My entire body shivers as she pushes me, slowly and deliberately, until I am lying on my back. She breaks the kiss and looks down at me with almost cloudy eyes.

    ��Are you sure?�� I plead, afraid she''ll say no while still wanting to give her an out.

    ��Desperately,�� she promises, and her lips meet mine again, growing more confident with each kiss.

    <hr>

    Lot, the enthusiastic librarian, is actually a pretty good writer. His version of the sages is actually much more complimentary than their own. Or at least, his version seems to subconsciously edit out all the parts that inspired my desire to commit violence. His story is something of an ��alternate history��. I suspect the sages�� versions are too, but I can respect the characters in his version. It��s not the most amazing thing I��ve ever read, but it��s not terrible. I may have enjoyed it more than usual because, well, it was a distraction. And I was with Sarafyna.

    It is also tied to a kind memory. One of the kindest of this life, however bittersweet it made the goodbye. I still feel like an idiot for making such a big deal about it. It��s a week. If that. She��ll be back with me so, so soon. But this morning hurt nonetheless, and the endorphins released by last night��s goodbye could only last so long. So I needed the distraction, and that��s what Lot was.

    He is . . . helping me with ideas for my ��story��, so to speak.

    ��Do you have any theories about why the sages won��t go near the nexus?�� I ask and lot adjusts his round glasses.

    ��Oh a million. But my leading one right now? I think it��s a portal back to . . . wherever they came from. See, they all stay far away from it unless they absolutely can��t. They have the Guardians of Stone on the border, and a thick wall of Nexus energy making sure no one else approaches too! I think they must come from somewhere horrible. A desolate wasteland, where normal people can��t survive anymore. They don��t want to get sucked back in. I think the border is to stop any citizens from wandering in too. Wherever they are from must be really dangerous,�� Lot guesses. ��If you ask me? They are from the far future. They are here to stop the world from ending, that��s why they all try to take leadership roles and prevent us from making the same mistakes of their past.��

    I can��t decide how far off he is. The future thing doesn��t make sense to me, considering I have been to Earth. But I suppose my story is different in a lot of ways. Maybe I am from a different world than the rest too. The Radiant Woods feel more like a particularly colorful hell than a portal but there is certainly some space fuckery going on with it. And there is no way it��s uninvolved with how sages travel between worlds. I don��t think going back is what they are afraid of, though. And I know they don��t want to keep all their citizens from ending up there. Just the ones they want to keep ruling.

    ��Oh, that makes perfect sense,�� I enthusiastically lie. ��What kind of mistakes do you think led to that future?�� I ask. He looks over his shoulder and leans in conspiratorially.

    ��Biological experimentation,�� he whispers. ��We all know how body modification is illegal, and how cultists do it anyway right?�� he asks.

    ��. . . right,�� I agree. I do know this, at this point, although I suspect I have made different conclusions.

    ��Well, most people don��t think too much about that, unless they are cultists I guess. But I go to every public appearance of the Centurion Sage. I don��t enjoy the arena but whenever he addresses the public. Whenever they find cultists, he looks worried. Scared. Horrified and afraid. And why would an all powerful sage feel afraid . . . if not for his people? Something about what the cultists do scares him about the future. The reason he fears the Demon Queen, Lillith. I love the costume, by the way. Anyway, It all makes sense if he is trying to avoid the mistakes that led to our downfall the first time,�� Lot suggests. I rub my chin in thought.

    Genuine fear. Sure, people often fear change and try to control people to avoid it. But it doesn��t sound like that kind of fear. Lot is describing fear like a dark night and shadowy figures. Horrified fear. Terror, like I feel being apart from my family. Lot is a fan of the sages, so the real answer didn��t occur to him. What does an all powerful sage have to fear if not on behalf of his people? Well the answer to that is obvious, if you don��t start from an assumption of benevolence.

    ��I��m from out of town,�� I say. ��Can you tell me more about this arena?�� I ask. I am going to go find out for sure. I am going to look this sage in the eyes and find out what, exactly, he is afraid of.

 Chapter 17 - The Arena

    I am practically suffocating in my hooded cloak, long-sleeve shirt, heavy pants, boots, gloves, and tinted spectacles. I look up at Ember with my lips in a perfect line. ��I can��t do this shit anymore. It��s gotta be ninety degrees out!�� I complain. She scoffs.

    ��I assume that means ��hot��? Well, it��s better than being killed as a cultist on sight. Your tattoos and new, gaudy piercings alone will draw too much attention. A face in a thousand children��s books and propaganda posters along with limbs of steel are going to be a bridge too far. Walk around in weather appropriate clothes and you��ll be dead in a week. Deal with it,�� Ember dismisses. I turn to where I expect Sara to complain, only to be reminded that she is gone. This puts my complaints about the weather in perspective a bit, but I am legitimately growing concerned that this will eventually be just as obvious.

    ��If I walked into a bank dressed like this they would set off a silent alarm,�� I counter.

    ��What does that even mean?�� August asks. I glance at him on the other side of the room. We are all prepping for the day together as usual, getting our complaints out before we are in public and it��s no longer safe to speak freely. Or, at least we are discussing the day��s plans and I��m complaining while I still can. But no one else has to cook themselves alive all day, every day. I��m justified in a little whining.

    ��Just another reference to whatever reality she grew up in, ignore it,�� Autumn drawls. Her tone conveys annoyance, but it makes me smile anyway. She has been engaging in conversation more lately, and just feeling more generally alive. I��m not a therapist, and as familiar with grief as I am, I don��t know more than the basic stages of it. I know she is still in the depths of it, but she is moving forward. Processing. And she can, at least, interact with everyone now. She is far less amiable than she once was, but I have been there myself. I��m just happy to hear her voice everyday.

    ��Autumn��s right,�� I agree. ��Just off in my own little world. I suppose I��ll survive another day of this torture.��

    ��Just one more day,�� Autumn jokes with a smirk but little humor. Christ, that��s a dark reference to make. I guess I��m not one to complain about gallows humor. Still. Maybe, with Sara gone, I should start sharing a room with Autumn again. Moving forward doesn��t mean being safe, after-all. I��ll bring it up later. For now, we have more important things to do.

    ��Right,�� I agree. ��You know, you two don��t have to come to this. It��s not going to be pretty.��

    ��Yes we do,�� Autumn answers. ��We need to be there.�� She makes eye contact with me and her face is iron. I get the message, and nod.

    ��Well, off we go, I suppose,�� I agree.

    ��About time,�� Ember grumbles. I stick my tongue out at her as she rolls her eyes. ��Seriously? You pierced that too? The lip, nose, and eyebrow weren��t enough? Are you trying to get the sages�� attention with all this? They will kill you for even a suspicion, you moron.�� I shrug.

    ��I wonder about that. I think my fate would probably be something entirely different than death, if the sages themselves confront me. But that��s beside the point. The more enchanted mana sources I have the less sick I get, the quicker my cancer heals, and the more power I will have. Especially if my last fight is anything to go by. Besides, I suspect I won��t be able to hide what I am much longer. Even if I weren��t planning a few extra modifications to help in the days to come. Anyway, depending on how the day goes, I might not need to.��

    ��You aren��t just saying that so you won��t have to dress like that anymore, are you? Our lives are at stake here,�� Ember asks.

    ��No. No, I have no intention of risking any of you more than I have to,�� I answer seriously. I can try to joke my way through a lot, but putting my loved ones in danger without a second thought is too raw a subject for me to joke about. The shift in my tone is clear on the faces of my friends, and the room descends into an awkward silence. I sigh. ��Come on. Today is going to be shitty, might as well get it done.��

    We leave the inn and hire a carriage, no longer relying on Ember��s money as much as Turner��s. I shudder as we ride through the city. Despite all the sounds of a bustling community, it carries an uncanny quiet. No matter where we go or how far we travel, I can only feel grief from Autumn and August. Even the trickle Ember is allowed when Sara is near is missing. Only the twins are feeling any grief at all. We are almost to the arena, a place where human lives are spent for an afternoon��s entertainment, and I don��t feel any grief from anyone. It��s sickening. I examine Autumn as she watches the town pass through the window.

    ��How are you feeling?�� I ask for the thousandth time. I can feel it. I know how she is feeling, but I have to check.

    ��I still feel horrible, thanks for asking again,�� she responds. Which is fair. Since Sara left, I��ve been checking on her almost religiously. I don��t know how the sages rob people of their grief here. If they have to see them first, or if a person��s presence in the country is enough. I do know that once it affects someone, Sara struggles to remove it permanently. If we could have risked everyone else by keeping Sara here, it would have been much safer for Autumn. But we couldn��t, and even Autumn understood that. I am relieved that she still seems safe from outside interference. For now.

    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

    I don��t have time to press any further as we finally arrive, pay the coachman, and make our way to the entrance of the arena. It is clearly modeled after the Colosseum, which supports my theory that at least some of the sages are from my world. Probably. I guess a big round arena with theater style seating isn��t too complex to be recreated in multiple realities. I shiver again at the complete lack of grief as Ember pays our entrance fees. I��ll make sure to steal that back later. We don��t really need it, but I don��t much feel like giving some asshole money for the miserable day we are about to have.

    The roar of the crowd is deafening as we make our way in, scaling the stairs to find the closest unoccupied seats we can. Despite showing up early, the fights started before we got here and the front rows are already full. I almost stumble as a massive wave of mana washes over me. A man near the front has released his aura and is throwing his magic at the arena below. Massive stones and steel disappear as soon as they pass the spectator wall. Not dissolving. Not getting knocked back. They simply cease to exist, well before they reach the fighters below. ��She cheated! She fucking cheated I won��t stand for this! Do you have any idea who I am?�� The mage yells, trying to shove off the guards who come to collect him. Unfortunately for him, they flare their own mana, and have mana suppression cuffs around him in an instant.

    He has enough mana to be a prominent noble in Potestia, but not nearly enough to stand up to security here, apparently. Well, that��s just great. Over the fighting area, the two combatants are projected using light mana, so even from the upper seating they can be clearly observed. It��s not unlike the illusion I used when I killed Darian. Just as the man��s aura disappears, I see what upset him so much, assuming he bet on the large man, currently on his knees below. A massive woman, maybe six and a half feet tall and clad in red with a horned helmet, holds a single-edged blade to the side of his neck. She looks up toward the stands, and the illusion changes to show a man with olive skin and sharp, angry cheekbones. Markus, the Gladiator Sage. He holds his hand up with his thumb to the side, before lifting it and pointing it towards his throat. Yeah, this guy has got to be from Earth.

    The illusion returns to the two below, and the woman spins, decapitating her opponent. The twins tense beside me as I clench my fists and the crowd begins cheering. I feel sick as the now bloodied woman bows her head, and turns to walk toward her entrance. She has metal cuffs around each wrist and her neck.

    ��Are those for mana suppression, or general slavery?�� I ask. Ember grunts.

    ��The former. Most fights in the arena use no magic, as most combatants don��t have combat magic. Only special fights allow any magic at all,�� she explains. I begin to bite my thumbnail as I consider that, as a loud voice interrupts us to address the crowd.

    ��Things looked pretty shaky for a while there, especially when Gargoyle nearly took her leg, but as usual, the Demon is an unshakeable iron wall! A woman with the strength of three men and the ferocity of a dozen, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present the victor, Bahamut the Demon!�� it shouts, sound mana enhancing it. The illusion focuses on the woman''s face as she rolls her eyes. Without acknowledging the cheering crowd, she disappears. The announcer moves on to the next bout as we find our seats, each of us feeling varying levels of sickness.

    ��This is disgusting,�� August whispers. I nod. I glare across the stadium to the prominently featured box where the sage sits. He��ll be my first target. I turn to Ember.

    ��The mana suppression, does it work like regular cuffs or like riot spikes?�� I ask. Ember looks at me with suspicious eyes.

    ��Why?�� She asks with a flat tone.

    ��You know damn well why. Which is it,�� I respond and she sighs.

    ��Normal cuffs, I suspect. No reason to go to the extra effort for something like this. This is a terrible idea,�� she groans.

    ��What is?�� August asks?

    ��Lily, I don��t like this idea,�� Autumn says, barely audible. It��s softer than her voice has been in a while. ��Especially with Sara gone. It��s not safe.�� This surprises me considering Autumn��s recent irritation with me, but perhaps it shouldn��t. She is still Autumn. She is still my friend. She has redirected some of the anger at herself toward me, which was always coming, but that doesn��t erase everything else. That doesn��t erase whose sister I am.

    ��Look at them,�� I say as the new warriors come out. One man wears what appear to be tiger pelts and a helmet with a tiger''s face, his eyes visible through the fangs in its mouth. The other wears little, a cloth and a giant axe. ��The fighters here are themed.��

    ��I��m sorry, what are we talking about?�� August pushes.

    ��It��s way too dangerous. You��ll be visible to the whole world,�� Ember hisses at me. I shrug.

    ��There is a whole fucking culture here. Even without grief, there must be movements dedicated to fighting back, right? I can��t hide forever, especially as I continue to . . .�� I trail off looking around and surrounding us in a sound barrier. It��s annoyingly visible with no other grief sources, but who cares. People have private chats all the time. ��If I continue to alter my body. This getup is also going to attract just as much attention eventually, it��s obvious I��m trying to cover something up. And they have themes, Ember.��

    ��I know they have fucking themes. But you can��t really be considering this,�� she complains.

    ��I agree, Lily. We��ll figure something else out,�� Autumn whispers, her previous annoyance replaced with worry.

    ��There is no better way to get close to that sage,�� I counter. ��And it will be really convenient for all our future moves if there is someone in the city who famously looks exactly like the demon queen, Lillith, and for a plausible reason. I can��t keep telling people it��s a sex work gimmick.�� August��s eyes widen as he realizes what my plan is.

    ��You want to fight? Don��t you have to be someone��s slave for that?�� He asks, his face paling.

    ��No,�� Ember grumbles. ��For a chance at wealth and glory, free combatants are allowed to register and compete as well. But almost nobody is stupid enough to actually do it.��

    ��Almost,�� I agree with a grin. This will make a great distraction. I just have to figure out a way to avoid killing my opponents. ��Let��s see about putting a Lillith costume together.��

 Chapter 18 - Demon Queen

    With mana and money all things are possible. Or at least, quickly creating decent armor that leans into my ��demon queen�� identity is possible. In any case, these clothes are more comfortable, sort of. I have a shirt and chainmail covering my upper torso and right arm. I also have bandages and a sleeve over that arm, to ensure there are no accidental glimpses at the steel beneath. If there are, it will probably look like more armor, but you can��t be too careful. I also wear gloves on both hands, with a gauntlet fastened to the right sporting claws for each finger tip. The left has to grip my weapon, so that glove is simple, textured fabric.

    I also wear sturdy pants, a split chainmail skirt, and boots. All of the chainmail has a slight red stain to the steel. I wanted to enchant it with a circle to gather mana like my limbs and piercings, but I can��t figure out how to suppress the gathering mana if it is not actually connected to my body in some way. Instead, it is enchanted like the bracelet Ember first made me, to simply gather the excess mana from my still present cancer cells. It will help prevent any negative side-effects of having my mana suppressed, at least. To top off the effect, I wear a crown with a single horn protruding from the right side. My hair covers their connection on that side and makes it look like it grows directly from my head. My left arm and midriff are entirely visible. The now useless circle has been covered with new scars and art. The black and purple ��bird of dawn�� tattoos on my arm and the multicolored tree on my stomach both contribute to the effect I am going for, as does the new navel piercing.

    I have more and higher quality protection than most of the gladiators, but not too much. I can pass it off as an effect of the costume as well as being a free and willing participant. And the work I have put into making my magic circle harder to break over the years makes what skin is visible a deceptively tempting target. They are going to need a lot more force than they realize to leave more than a nasty cut on my stomach. As for my arm, well I will teach them to fear proximity to that. All in all, I look like a proper barbarian demon queen. I look like Lillith. And I can finally breathe a little, although the chainmail still produces boob sweat at rates scientists previously thought impossible. But as a free competitor, I can go in public dressed like this and without the mail. I can��t avoid attracting attention for long, but I can make the attention I do attract expected and normal. I can even use a little light mana to change the color of the tattoos and pretend they wipe off, if needed. It��ll be tricky, but it��ll work.

    In any case, this should solve quite a few of our problems. I can even get to work on my new body modification ideas without causing too much of a fuss. People will simply think I am expanding my costume. Hiding in plain sight. Nothing can go wrong. Alright, yeah, a lot of things can go wrong. But out of my terrible options I think this offers the most freedom of movement, and provides an opportunity to get close to a sage. That��s once I register, at least. As soon as my face is that of a known gladiator, simply cosplaying the extremely smart, pretty, and talented Lillith of Endings, I can finally show my face outside of the inn and the library. For now, however, I wear my cloak over the entire getup.

    I follow Ember as the twins find seats. Apparently, volunteers for the arena are rare. Who could have guessed that? In any case, it is something of a treat for the bloodthirsty audience, and even the, hypothetically, nonlethal test to let me participate is broadcast to the crowd. I guess it��s a bit like American Idol but for public murder. So . . . a bit like American Idol. In any case, they get to watch to see if my plan comes together or comes crashing down around us all.

    We finally arrive at a closed door and Ember knocks far more aggressively than I would have thought was necessary. The prim woman who opens it doesn��t seem to notice at all, however, looking first at Ember and then me. ��What is it?�� She asks, adjusting her thin glasses.

    ��My friend here wants to try for fame and fortune,�� Ember intones, and the woman raises an eyebrow at me.

    ��No, she doesn��t,�� she determines. She��s right, actually, but wrong at the same time.

    ��I do,�� I insist. ��I want to fight.��

    ��Kid, you��re a full head and shoulders shorter than just about all the gladiators in this arena. The only people you look capable of fighting are the fodder used in group combat, and you aren��t winning any prizes joining their ranks, trust me. Go home. No one who isn��t forced to should fight here, much less someone who might need a stool to reach the top shelf,�� she dismisses.

    ��First fight��s supposed to be nonlethal anyway, right? Let me try,�� I respond immediately.

    ��Emphasis on ��supposed��. The sage won��t order your death, and your opponent will be instructed to use nonlethal force to encourage surrender, yes. But no one will be punished if you die in an accident, and many of the people here will enjoy putting you in your place. If I had to bet on you surviving, I wouldn��t put money on it,�� she explains.

    ��You��re not convincing this idiot of anything. Just wasting our time,�� Ember cuts in. The woman gives her a sharp look, but refocuses on me quickly. I nod, and she closes her eyes and begins to rub her temples in exasperation.

    ��Fine. Come in,�� she orders, standing to the side and allowing us to enter. We walk into a comfortable but humble office where she sits behind a desk and pulls out a blank sheet of paper. ��What��s your name,�� she asks.

    ��Call me Cordelia,�� I answer cheerfully. She sighs.

    ��Call you? Is that your name, or isn��t it?�� she asks.

    ��It��s my name,�� I lie.

    ��Alright, Cordelia. As I��m sure you know, our gladiators always have an alias and persona. Sometimes based on past sages, sometimes on past criminals, other times on legends or fairy tales. These are usually assigned after a few fights, but free gladiators are allowed to choose their own. I��d make a recommendation but we don��t have any famous bean sprouts in fact or fiction, I��m afraid,�� she continues. I lower the hood of my cloak, giving her a decent look at me for the first time.

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    ��Lillith,�� I smile. ��Demon Queen Lillith.�� She gives me a blank look for a moment before her lack of amusement weighs her lips down and adds ten years to her face.

    ��Sage��s grace,�� she whispers, writing a few notes on the paper. ��Well, if you survive you��ll certainly make a name for yourself quickly. And if not, well. At least the sage will find it amusing to watch you lose. Alright. I��ll see if we can��t make room for you today. Usually a few fights end more quickly than we��d like. There will be room in a bit. When you head out there, wait for the announcer to mark the beginning of your match. You can surrender at any time, even before the fight starts. I strongly advise you to do so when you see your opponent. If you feel fear, that��s for a reason. Your mind is telling you that you are in over your head.��

    I nod. ��Thanks, you��ve been a huge help,�� I answer. I could quip back at her, but honestly she was genuinely trying to help me. I look like I am eighteen or nineteen, and I am in fact almost a full foot shorter than the other woman I saw competing. Even without grief she was putting effort into sparing my life and I��m not getting persnickety over that. Now, over her choice of job? I have some comments. But those would look pretty obviously suspicious in my current position.

    It��s maybe an hour before they have a moment for me, and the weary woman leads me through the gate inside, past the other gladiator��s cells, and to the waiting area just inside my gate to the inside of the arena. I left my cloak and, regrettably, my hammer in her office. Apparently giant warhammers aren��t allowed in supposedly nonlethal fights. She didn��t seem to believe I could use it effectively anyway, considering its size. I get a few whistles and crude comments from the rowdier gladiators I pass, but most can��t be bothered to even look. I ignore them for now, and my escort secures mana suppression cuffs around my wrists and neck. I feel immediately sick and my artificial limbs almost collapse from under me, but as I suspected, these work like regular cuffs less than the more intensive riot spikes. As such, mana quickly flows back into them, the sickness recedes, and I am able to stand.

    ��Sure you��re up to this? If you are feeling woozy, follow that instinct,�� the woman tries one final time. I nod anyway.

    ��Oh, I am ready,�� I insist and she sighs.

    ��Fine. The announcer is getting the crowd excited for the fight now; when that stone by the entrance lights up and the gate begins to open, walk out so he can introduce you. Good luck, try to surrender before there is nothing we can do.��

    I nod again, and she shakes her head, then turns and begins the trip back to her office. Well, that was easy. It��s pretty gross how easy, actually. The only real barrier was the woman who walked me here trying to talk me out of it. Well. Whatever. This arena won��t be around when I am done with this place anyway.

    I can��t make out the announcer��s voice, although I am closer than many of the audience members. It must be intentionally muffled here, in case they want the crowd to be excited about something the gladiators are unaware of. I wait for a few moments in the eerie quiet until the stone lights up with red mana, creating a flickering red path for me to walk on. The gate slowly slides open, and I walk forward as instructed. The sounds collapse on me all at once, cheering, laughter, and the announcer��s voice. I feel so cold.

    ��Aaand here she is! Our first volunteer in nearly six months, and with a chosen persona straight from the third plane! Competing against the Rogue today, in her debut match, hoping to qualify to fight her way up the ranks, we have a contestant wearing a name you have all heard! A name whispered by your children as you check beneath their beds, and a name shouted from podiums and plastered on posters across the Republic! As prophecy foretold, today we will witness the fearsome, the evil . . .�� The announcer trails off as the sun touches my skin and the illusion in the air reveals my face. My black hair and ruby eyes. My colorful body art. My angry glare. ��The Demon Queen Lillith!��

    The crowd erupts into cheers, laughter, gasps, and every other flavor of reaction. I look at the man waiting for me in the center of the arena. He is larger than me, but smaller than most other gladiators. He wears a mask and hood but no shirt. There are scabbards for various missing knives strapped to his body in multiple places. His eyes carry hate.

    ��You shouldn��t have come here,�� He shouts, his voice amplified for the crowd. ��I will make certain you regret it.�� I lift my hand to the back of my neck, cracking it instead of responding. I lift my fists and spread my feet, getting ready for combat.

    ��Looks like our demon queen is ready to go!�� The announcer says. ��Now remember, this is a nonlethal fight, but that doesn��t mean it''s nonviolent! Anything your opponent can survive is allowed, but nothing with the clear intent to kill. As both combatants are ready . . . Begin!��

    The moment the final word is said, my opponent is moving. ��The Rogue�� is fast. Considerably faster than I expected. The gap between us closes in the blink of an eye and his boot is colliding with my chest, knocking me not only off my feet but a few paces backward. My head collides painfully with the dirt and stone. I think of the past. I let the momentum carry me, lifting my legs and rolling backward and onto my feet again. He clicks his tongue at me as I ready myself. Again he charges, this time swinging an angry fist into my cheekbone. I breathe in the pain. He clearly expected me to fall to the ground again, pausing for a brief moment as my sharp eyes cut into his. It is only a moment, however, and he swings his other fist into my solar plexus.

    My thicker skin there takes a huge amount of the impact, but he isn��t a gladiator for nothing, and he knocks the air out of me easily. When I stand through that as well, he grabs my shoulders and drives his knee directly into the same spot before lifting my torso, moving his hands to my head, and forcing my face into the same knee. I feel my nose crack and taste blood as he grips my hair in both hands.

    He yanks once, then twice, then three times. Trying to throw me to the ground, each time failing to move me. I continue to glare daggers at him as he widens baffled eyes. Finally, he grabs both sides of my head and rams his own into my already aching nose. He does this two more times to daze me before picking me up by the throat and throwing me onto the ground. The world blurs around me. I drink in the pain. I own it completely. He kicks me. Stomps on me. Screams at me. Every blow takes me back to the past. To the moment when I earned each one.

    I don��t know how long this goes on. He must kick me dozens of times as I lie on the bloody stone. He keeps going until blood fills my mouth and bruises decorate my body and face. Eventually, he must come to the conclusion I am unconscious, because he stops, turns, and begins to walk away. The announcer is saying something, but I don��t care. That was enough. That was enough for today. I��m not cold anymore. I��m slow. I��m deliberate. Each movement hurts, but I climb to my feet. The Rogue and announcer pause at the same time, and the former turns to look at me.

    ��Just give up so I don��t have to kill you,�� he orders. ��It would be a waste, oh ��demon queen��, of what might be a pretty face under that hideous costume.��

    I spit into the dirt, leaving a new spatter of blood next to the others. He sighs. Again he closes in on me in an instant. Again he swings at my face. This time, I catch his arm with my right hand, and swing my left once, hitting him in the head. I don��t use all of my strength, but I use enough. As I hold the unconscious man up by his arm, I look toward the crowd. For a brief moment, the arena is completely silent.

 Chapter 19 - Bread and Circuses

    Just about everything hurts. My nose is definitely broken. My entire body is littered with bruises, welts, and cuts. By all accounts, I should be struggling for days after a beating like that. But I��m not going to. After the upset in my qualification match, the prim woman from earlier brought me to some kind of mass sleeping quarters under the arena, after removing the mana suppression cuffs and collar. A dozen beds line either side of the stone walls, and a few other gladiators occupy beds of their own. This includes the Rogue, the man I gently introduced to unconsciousness. There isn��t much else in this room, but there doesn��t need to be. I can feel its effects the moment I walk in. It feels the same as when Sara helps me heal. It��s slow, and my body fights it as it always does, but my wounds are correcting themselves. I��ll have a few new scars, and my nose will probably be a bit crooked for the rest of my life, but I��ll be in fighting shape again shortly.

    This is divine magic, or nexus energy. Whatever they want to call it. I suppose it makes sense, what with a sage running this place. No matter how many people are attacked and enslaved on the road, they can��t actually have multiple fights, all day every day, where half the combatants die and the others are too badly injured to fight the next day. I suppose they must save the executions for either prominent matches or disposable slaves who can��t fight well. The rest of us need to be healed quickly so we can go on to entertain the masses. This is convenient for me, but also sickening. I wonder how many hospitals and clinics have the same radiant effect applied to them, or if healing is more of a convenience to keep entertainment steady.

    As a gash on my face closes, the woman I watched yesterday is escorted to her own bed, two rows away from mine. Bahamut the Demon. Not a terribly different persona from mine, really. A fairly different presentation, though. She towers over me. I also note that, unlike me, she still has her cuffs and collar on. She seems to notice this as well, based on the nasty look she gives me.

    ��Moron,�� she grunts, shaking her head like I��m a disobedient child. This is all she says before lying back on her bed and closing her eyes.

    ��I get that a lot,�� I agree. Her jaw tenses before she opens her eyes and turns her head toward me.

    ��Do you think this is some kind of game? You��re lucky to be alive. If you don��t have to be here, then get the fuck out of here,�� she orders.

    ��I do have to be here. Maybe not for the same reason you do, but I have to be here,�� I reply.

    ��I don��t care what debt you think this will fix. I don��t care what trouble you are in. I don��t even care if you think it��s worth dying for. It��s not worth it. Stay until you are fully healed, then never come back here,�� she demands. I tilt my head, eyeing the collar around her neck.

    ��How did you end up here?�� I ask. She releases a deep, beleaguered sigh before sitting up again and glaring at me. Goddamn she is tall. Pretty too, in a ��prepared to commit violence�� kind of way. She��s clearly angry at me and I��m a loyal woman but if we met under different circumstances I might blush. These are not those circumstances.

    ��Look. Risking your life isn��t the hard part, alright? Obviously that didn��t shake you much anyway. But facing death is easy. Feels like just about everyone does it, these days. Shit, maybe that��s even why you are here. To have the most interesting suicide. But risking your life isn��t admirable, or brave, or difficult. The hard part is winning. You��ve clearly managed that once, or you wouldn��t be here. But eventually, it��s going to mean killing an innocent person. You��re proud of facing down death? Wait until it��s someone else losing their life because of you,�� she lectures.

    I feel like I��ve been punched in the stomach, and she has no idea exactly how perfectly she has me pegged. She is absolutely right. I could die a thousand times over. Hell, I��ve even done it once. Twice, actually. But Henry. Yeah, I understand what she means. But I refuse to let the nerve she struck show on my face.

    ��If death is easier to face than killing, why haven��t you chosen it yet?�� I ask. I watched her decapitate a man yesterday. I actually agree with everything she has said. But this does make it hard to take seriously coming from her. At the same time, I have decapitated more than a few people myself, so I understand the necessity sometimes. But she is speaking like killing innocent people is unavoidable as a gladiator, which means she must have made the choice to do so at some point.

    ��There is no choice. Not for me. You can leave any time you want, but I am going back out there every day whether I want to or not. Do you really think they are going to leave sparing people as an option? No. If you let a person live, the sage himself will kill them, he��ll do it in front of you, and he��ll make it so much worse. The choice is how quick their death will be, not if they die. That��s the choice you have in front of you, if someone doesn��t kill you first,�� she answers bitterly.

    That . . . is not what I was expecting, but I suppose it should have been. ��When you say in front of you, do you mean he comes down, into the arena, and tortures them then and there?�� I ask. She nods.

    ��You don��t look like you��d have the stomach to face that choice. However you present yourself. And you don��t have to. So get out, now. Before they decide you are too entertaining to remain free,�� she says.

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    ��You��re right,�� I agree. ��I don��t. But I still can��t leave.�� Her eyes lock on mine as she searches them. Finally, she shakes her head again and lies back down.

    ��Fine. I won��t ask more. I won��t push. And if I end up fighting you, I��ll make sure you don��t have to face the sage directly,�� she promises.

    ��Maybe that��s what I am looking for,�� I suggest and she laughs humorlessly.

    ��Trust me, you don��t want to meet the sage directly,�� she answers, her eyes closed now. I am about to answer, but the woman who brought me here appears in the entrance to the room.

    ��Cordelia,�� she calls. ��Markus, the sage, has requested to meet you.��

    <hr>

    August

    The fight after Lillith is far more violent, in a way. I can barely look at it. I just want to go back to the inn, but my sister wanted to be here. She��s obviously not enjoying the fight any more than I am. I don��t know how everyone else is. I have to close my eyes as the man with the horned helmet drives a knife into his opponent��s shoulder. Based on the screaming, and the cheering, that''s not the end of it. I feel like vomiting. But when I open my eyes and look at Autumn, she has her eyes fixed on it.

    ��How can you watch this?�� I ask.

    She answers without even looking at me. ��I have to.�� That��s all she says. I don��t understand it.

    ��Why? Why do you have to? Autumn, we can just leave. Meet up with the others later. We don��t have to sit through . . . this,�� I insist. She doesn��t answer. I give her a moment, but it becomes clear she doesn��t intend to answer. ��When is she going to be back, anyway?�� I finally ask.

    ��It will take a while, I imagine. She��s probably not in any shape to head straight here after that beating,�� Autumn replies.

    ��I guess that��s true,�� I admit. ��But . . . Why did she? It was like she wasn��t even fighting back! She just stood there and took it when she could have beat that guy at any moment! Was she trying to act like the fight was harder than it was? Was she distracted? Was it just to get more attention quickly? They hardly seem worth it. That hurt to watch, much less experience.��

    ��That��s not why,�� Autumn answers, but fails to elaborate.

    ��Why then?�� I push, but again she doesn��t respond. I dig my nails into my palms in frustration. I miss my sister. I��m worried for her. But she barely talks anymore, and when she does it��s like talking to a corpse. The liveliest she gets is angry, and even that is an improvement. She was clearly upset by Lillith��s fight, but she won��t say anything. She won��t talk to me. She is like the shell of my best friend. Alive, but not living. Why did Lillith want her here? I don��t understand. I want my sister back.

    ��Did I hear you right?�� A man seated to my left asks. ��You know the woman who fought under the demon queen��s name?�� I shrug.

    ��Does it matter?�� I answer with a question of my own.

    ��She was amazing! We haven��t seen a new volunteer actually win in a couple of years now, and the way she did it was amazing! The Rogue is a quick one, tough too. Catching him like that, then knocking him out in a single hit? Especially after she proved she could take so many hits from him! That and she pulls the demon queen look off perfectly. Shit, consider me a new fan of your friend. Will you introduce me?�� he asks.

    I��m a little taken aback, unable to answer at first. ��That��s not why she did it,�� Autumn repeats. ��And she��s taken, I��m afraid.��

    ��Ah, well. That figures. I��d hate to make a man who could land that angry. Still, I��d love to meet her,�� the man laments.

    ��I don��t think she��s going to want to meet any new fans,�� I respond with an awkward smile. ��But I��ll pass your praise on to her!�� The smile fades as the announcer calls everyone��s attention to the middle arena again. Both of the combatants look more like the meat at a butcher��s shop than actual people. The volu man holds the human man��s head by his hair and a dagger to his throat. Much like yesterday, an illusion of the sage appears in place of the gladiators. Again he holds a thumb out to the side, but this time turns it down. His illusion fades, and the gladiators are visible again. The volu drops his opponent with a grunt and begins a limp back to his gate.

    ��I��m glad they don��t always die,�� I say and the man next to me laughs.

    ��Not a fan of gore, huh? You may not have the stomach for the arena then. I take it you aren��t your gladiator woman��s partner then?�� he teases.

    ��I do not, and I am not,�� I confirm. ��But I can handle gore if I have to. But this . . . this is something different.��

    He shrugs. ��Where else would you even see it? It��s alright buddy, the arena isn��t for everyone. Some men are more . . . faint than others. No shame if you don��t want to come back. I��ll cheer your friend on. And keep your sister here company, if she likes,�� he suggests.

    Autumn doesn��t bother responding, and I don��t much feel the need to either. Instead, my attention goes to a man approaching the short wall separating the seating from the arena below. I��m not sure what about him catches my eye. He looks perfectly comfortable. Perfectly confident. But I feel anxious watching him for some reason. He turns back for a moment, waving cheerfully and saying something inaudible to someone else in the stands. Then he climbs up on the wall.

    ��What in the third plane is he doing?�� I ask and the irritating man next to me follows my eyes.

    ��Oh, another one of those. Yeah we get them here all the time. I guess they think the sage��s barrier will hurt less,�� he answers.

    ��Hurt less than what?�� I ask. Before I get an answer, the man on the wall casually steps off the wall, disappearing from view entirely. I jolt as Autumn��s hand catches my arm. She looks at the wall the man jumped from with wide, horrified eyes. No one else reacts even a little. Even the announcer simply continues to introduce a new set of fighters.

    My skin feels like it��s too tight as my heart pounds in my chest. What is happening here?

 Chapter 20 - A Deal With The Devil

    Lillith

    Markus apparently lives here, at the arena, as I wasn��t escorted to anything resembling an office or throne room or whatever sages rule from, but an eerily familiar living room inside the colosseum walls. It didn��t look exactly like any particular room I had been in, as much as it carried a design similarity to a thousand rooms I had seen before. Or, rather, a thousand rooms Annie had seen before. It felt like the average middle class home in the US, minus any technology. It is, truth be told, completely unexpected. I kind of figured I��d find myself in a decadent Roman estate, waiting around until Joaquin Phoenix showed up and commanded me to approach.

    Instead I feel like I��m visiting suburbia. There are curtains drawn on the other side of the room, which piques my curiosity. Based on the width of the arena walls and the location of the door, there shouldn��t be much to look at behind them. Just another room, maybe. But certainly nothing worth looking at, at least not in the way you��d expect from a living room window. Maybe it��s just to complete the general vibe of the space. It would feel a bit weird without one, even if this one is unlikely to let any sunlight in.

    The sage isn��t here, despite summoning me. At least he gave me enough time to heal up before calling for me. I wasn��t expecting to encounter him so quickly, before I really made a name for myself, or openly defied his order to kill. I was prepared to fight him on such an occasion. I know how to stop sages from using their nexus energy, and getting close to me on his own would actually have been ideal. But I was planning on taking advantage of the demon queen persona to make some . . . changes without arousing suspicion. I already have a couple ways to deliver the necessary poison, but I''d hoped to add some easier delivery methods before actually using it. I was going to start just as soon as my debut was over. Go figure.

    I don��t know if I should try to kill him today. I��ll try to avoid it, even if he is rudely late. If he gives me the chance. I would have preferred to bring my cloak and cover up, so he didn��t get too close a look at any, uh, cultish things about me. I��ve covered up my false limbs pretty well, but I definitely don��t want to be too closely examined by a sage if I can avoid it. Well, I��ll play it by ear. I��ll try not to antagonize him and just probe for information in this meeting, and if things go south I��ll sink my fangs into him. While I wait, I might as well get a look around. Those weird curtains are calling to me. I walk across the carpeted living room, wondering where he managed to get modern carpet, and why, until I am close enough to touch the window. Just as I am reaching for heavy fabric in front of it, a voice interrupts me.

    ��So, Cordelia, was it?�� A man asks. I turn my head back, arm still extended to the curtain. And there he is, Markus, the Gladiator Sage.

    ��That��s me,�� I agree. He tilts his head.

    ��Interesting. You don��t look much like a Cordelia. Not at all, truth be told,�� he notes.

    Alright, I don��t want to fight a sage when I haven��t prepared for it. An impromptu fight with a sage is a terrible idea, so I need to avoid antagonizing him right now. ��Know a lot of Cordelias, do you?�� I ask. Welp.

    Markus laughs, indicating I haven��t fucked up too badly yet. ��I suppose I don��t, fair enough. Still, your persona��s name seems to fit you better, don��t you think?�� he pushes. I shrug.

    ��It��s the outfit, I suspect. I was going for demon queen and that��s what I got. I looked much more like a ��Cordelia�� before,�� I explain. I��m not sure what a ��Cordelia�� looks like, but I have a feeling Markus pictures her with fewer piercings and tattoos.

    ��So you did,�� he acknowledges. ��May I ask why?��

    ��You may,�� I agree. The room is quiet for a moment before he realizes I am only going to answer the question he asked, and not the one he implied. This could be dangerous, but after his first response, I want to feel him out a little. I need to know what sort of person he is, and where the borders of his patience are. If he is the right kind of asshole, this approach may actually end up being better. Almost confirming my suspicion, he chuckles.

    ��Why Lillith? It��s a pretty bold choice, considering the Void Sage��s recent campaign against her, don��t you think?�� he asks. Yeah, I figured he��d be curious. Maybe not curious enough to call me over here immediately but I forgot rich men always rush to the end of all interactions, so to speak.

    ��Exactly. What better way to get attention quickly, right? Besides, you already had a demon woman, I had to make it clear I was the next step up. Why, not a fan?�� I ask.

    He shakes his head. ��Nah, I like it. Rowan is just making a big deal over nothing if you ask me. Just trying to win the election with a big scary foreign enemy. Someone tries it every now and then, but it won��t go anywhere. No, I feel the same way about it that you do. It��s just good marketing. That combined with our first qualifying volunteer in forever, I think you��ll attract a much larger audience, provided you survive. Do you think you can survive? You did take quite the beating today.��

    ��I��ll be fine, I can take a hit,�� I answer.

    ��That��s an understatement,�� he laughs. ��So tell me, what do you hope to get out of competing? Why are you here, my sweet little demon queen?��

    I lean my neck over a bit to crack it before I answer. ��Is fame and fortune not enough?�� I ask.

    ��They are enough to try. Not enough to keep you here after a beating like that,�� he replies. Fair enough. I hadn��t considered that when I was getting hit. I look at him in thought and remain quiet for a moment.

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    ��I want to be feared,�� I finally answer, completely honestly. ��I want the entire Republic to know who I am, and what I can do.�� This is true. In fact, I need the country to know who I am, and I need them to know I can kill sages. That sages can be killed in the first place. And getting famous while able to move about freely, at least until I sink my fangs into Markus here, is invaluable.

    Markus smiles at me. ��You��re a bit insane, aren��t you?�� he asks.

    ��I��m certainly not mentally well, but I wouldn��t be here if I was,�� I admit. This draws another laugh from him.

    ��Fair enough. Tell you what, Cordelia. I like you. Let��s make a deal, you and I,�� he offers. I eye him suspiciously.

    ��Is that not what my participation already is? I fight and provide entertainment, you give me wealth and fame?�� I ask.

    He shrugs. ��I suppose it is, in a way. But I��ll be honest. You had an easy match today, and still needed to visit the infirmary. But you did have the idea to don the Lillith persona and, if I am being honest, you wear it well. Half my audience will want to kill you, while the more . . . eccentric half will want to bed you. But I have no faith you��ll survive long enough to make use of this. That��s why I called you here.��

    ��To call me rage-inducing but sexy to eccentrics?�� I ask with a raised eyebrow. Again he chuckles.

    ��We��ll need to let you address the crowd more often, you have a sharp tongue, but in a likeable way,�� he says. ��So here is the deal I want to make. I will keep you alive. If it looks like you are about to die, I��ll . . . subtly step in and protect you. Not from injury, but from death. I will keep you alive until you have won enough matches to qualify for the wealth I promise free gladiators. In exchange you . . . delay that a bit. Fight for longer than you would otherwise have to. Keep promoting the arena for a few years after you do. Come back every now and again to fight a new champion, that sort of thing.��

    He smiles at me as he makes the offer. I don��t really need to think about it, anyone in my shoes would agree to that, which means I should. He��ll be dead before I have to fulfill my end of the bargain anyway. It could even result in better opportunities to kill him, if we are in some kind of business together. I can slip him some blood maybe, then kill him with a touch. Still. I want to push for one more thing.

    ��I don��t want to kill anyone,�� I respond. He blinks in confusion. ��Well. At least not anyone I don��t decide to kill myself.��

    ��I don��t want to alarm you, but that��s sort of what we do here. It��s like our whole shtick. Show up, stab some guys, get a little bloody, kill people. Pretty sure it��s right on the sign when you enter,�� he quips. I roll my eyes.

    ��Yeah I get the basic idea, picked up on it when I got here and a man��s head was being chopped off. I can be a bit thick at times, as my friends will tell you, but I did manage to work that one out. That��s why I need to make a deal with the man in charge. Just don��t give me the order to kill, and I��ll take your deal. I��ll stick around after I��ve met the minimum requirements for the arena��s incentives. Keep fighting. Keep drawing people in. It seems like a fair deal to me,�� I offer.

    ��Or I can throw you through that window behind you and get another girl to play demon queen,�� Markus suggests.

    ��You could. But I don��t think you will. I��m not actually all that easy to replace. You may not have faith I can survive the arena on my own, but you know damn well you aren��t finding another woman my size who can knock a man out in a single hit. Or stand up after that much damage. Who can convince the crowd she is a volunteer, show up in public, never try to escape. The eye color is pretty hard to get right too. I��m not going to be easy to replace quickly, and the genie is out of the bottle, so to speak. People have already met the persona. They are excited now. Not later when you finally find someone who checks all the boxes,�� I challenge.

    Markus examines me seriously for a moment, but I��ve got a pretty good measure of the type of man he is now. Not one obsessed with personal pride. Not in the regular way, like Baldwin or Darian. No, he��s a different kind of dangerous. A slimy kind. But a kind I can use and negotiate with. There are also the playgrounds. The implications of the sages using them, living in them. The fact that this man runs a colosseum even though he is already in a position of unassailable power. This world is a game to these people. They don��t want complete subservience, not always. No. They want interesting side characters. That��s why I got this meeting. Because I was interesting. And that��s why I haven��t pissed him off yet. He wants to play a game; I��ll play it with him. He needs someone like me. Because he is fucking bored.

    Finally he sighs. ��Damn. Maybe you are the demon queen. If nothing else, I won��t find a replacement with the stones to speak so directly with a sage. Alright, you have a deal. When you subdue an opponent, I won��t rule in favor of death. We��ll make some excuse about not wanting to empower the demon queen. Play it up. But I have my own new condition, since you want to add yours.��

    ��And what��s that?�� I ask?

    ��Dinner. Here, once a week,�� he says matter-of-factly.

    ��Dinner and?�� I intone, wearing disinterest all over my face like too much make-up.

    ��Just dinner. You��re fun. Not afraid of me. I like you,�� he replies, holding his hands up as if in surrender.

    ��So you wouldn��t describe yourself as one of those eccentric weirdos then,�� I push and he laughs.

    ��Oh I definitely would. But not that kind. That��s not what I��m after, I assure you,�� he promises.

    ��Well hooray for that,�� I answer. He offers his hand to me and I shake it. ��It��s a fucking deal I guess.��

    ��I��ll break out the champagne. Let��s make you famous,�� he cheerfully cries, literally clapping his hands together once. I can work with this. It��s a better deal than I��d hoped for. It will buy me a decent amount of time. As long as he holds up his end of the bargain. Which he will, for a little while. Until he thinks he��s found the right moment. Now I just have to decide whether his death should be public, or private. I eye the window one last time.

    ��What��s back there anyway? Can��t be much of a view,�� I ask.

    ��You won��t have to worry about that for a long while,�� he dismisses. ��Don��t think about it. Now, how about we have our first dinner tonight?��

    Well, I definitely need to see what��s back there now. I suppose I will have plenty of opportunities to do so. And plenty of opportunities to learn about all the other sages. I just have to take a few hits, and I��m pretty good at that. Honestly, these fucking dinners will be more painful.

    ��Sure. Let��s eat,�� I agree, locking my eyes onto his. Let��s fucking eat.

 Chapter 21 - Red Silence

    Ember

    I��m back home. Not my home with the other guardians. My real home. A home that no longer exists. I look down and confirm that I am a child again. I knew to expect it. I have this dream every night. Every single, sick night. I��ve heard people say they can control their dreams, if they know they are dreaming. And I��ve tried. I try every single night. But nothing ever changes. Nothing ever will change. I will fight it again and again and the dream will always end the same way.

    I loathe these dreams. And I cherish them. Because, at least when they start, I get to see my home again. My ��playground��, as they call it. And because when I dream, I get to grieve again. I never remember the dream when I wake up, but I always remember how many times I��ve had it when I return. I always remember the grief I��m only allowed while I sleep. Well. While I sleep and when I��m with Sarafyna in Potestia. It faded when we crossed the border. I became more numb. But it��s enough to remind me of my home, and what happened to it. While awake I lean on rage to motivate me to kill the sages. To betray my new country. Even more so since Sarafyna left and the sages�� control has started crawling across my mind again. But here in the dream? Here I have clarity.

    ��Ember, are you ready to go?�� Dad asks, as he always does. I extend and retract my claws, desperately trying to think of a way out of going through this again.

    ��No, I��m sick. Please, do we have to go?�� I plead. Pappa enters from the other room and presses his hand to my head. Both men look at me with momentary concern.

    ��You don��t feel feverish, and you were so lively a moment ago,�� Pappa says. His eyes meet mine and search for something I can��t hide. ��Ember, you��ve been so excited for the parade today! What are you suddenly so scared of?�� He asks.

    ��Have those boys been bullying you again?�� Dad adds and I hang my head. Every time. It��s like this every time. They know me too well. They can see fear written all over my face. But they don��t understand why. They don��t understand.

    ��No,�� I insist. I don��t know if that��s true or not. I don��t remember enough before the start of the dream. But it doesn��t matter. ��I really am sick. I don��t want to go today, please!�� I beg.

    ��Sweetheart, there��s nothing to be afraid of. Your dad and I will keep you safe, promise,�� Pappa insists. No. No, you won��t. I��m not afraid of some school children. I don��t want to watch this again. The result will be the same if we don��t go, but I don��t want to watch it. I don��t want to experience it again. I just want to enjoy my home.

    ��I can��t. I won��t go!�� I insist. My fathers share a look, but both nod.

    ��Alright, Ember. We��ll stay home today,�� Pappa agrees.

    ��Yeah, I don��t much like parades anyway. A whole lot of standing around watching other people have fun. We��ll have a much better time here, together,�� Dad says. I sigh in relief. Just a day with my parents. It��s just a dream, but I can pretend I don��t know the end. For a little while.

    I am at the parade, on Dad��s shoulders, watching the floats march by. I always forget. It doesn��t matter. It never matters what I do. The day will play out as it has always played out. My dream doesn��t care that my parents wouldn��t have forced me to go. The dream will always bring me here. Why do I always forget that? My breath catches as the band marches by. The music is loud and energetic and sickening. The band is the last one. The last group to pass before him. Before the ��hero��. My body trembles and Dad looks up at me.

    ��Everything alright, Ember?�� he whispers.

    ��We have to leave,�� I respond as the music starts to fade and the hero��s float comes into view, just a little ways off. They don��t see. Can��t they see? Half the people here aren��t smiling. Half of them are furious. This is not a happy occasion. My body shakes more and I try to climb off my dad��s shoulders. Dad would have let me down, had I done this when it actually happened. But the dream refuses me.

    ��Look Ember! It��s the hero! He��s why we have hot water and cold food! He��s the reason the country isn��t overflowing with demons!�� Pappa says.

    ��Oh trust me, she knows!�� Dad laughs, ��You should feel how excited she is! I read her stories about him every night; he��s why she wanted to come today!��

    ��Oh of course you do, how could I have missed that?�� Pappa replies. No! No, I don��t want to see him! I don��t want to be here, please! Suddenly the words won��t come out. The dream has grown weary of my struggling. I can��t protest. I will be here when the hero arrives.

    ��Please, he��s not so special,�� a human stranger interjects. He is always here, every night. Saying the same thing I would, if the dream would allow it. He still sounds like an ass, even when I know he��s right. ��All his accomplishments are fake. Haven��t you noticed he can never articulate how he actually stopped the demon invasion?��

    ��Excuse me, that was rude,�� Pappa says. ��Who do you think you are?��

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    ��Don��t let it get under your skin, love, let him throw his fit. We are here for Ember, not some stranger,�� Dad cuts in.

    ��Well the demons are gone, aren��t they? And what did you do to fight them off? Yell at strangers on family outings?�� Pappa says, ignoring Dad.

    ��I��m not trying to yell at your family,�� the man replies. ��I��m just sick of all this worship for a man who hasn��t earned it. You know he chose the title ��hero�� himself? No one has even actually seen him fight anyone before, and there are a few people with evidence they are responsible for some of his most famous victories over the demonic army! And don��t get me started on what the women he��s worked with have to say about him!��

    ��Oh that��s all just hearsay! Anyone can say that kind of thing about anyone! We owe that man everything, show a little gratitude,�� Pappa retorts.

    ��And what happens to the people who do accuse him? Have you ever wondered about that because I can tell you!�� the stranger replies.

    ��Why are you even here?�� Pappa snaps. ��If you hate him so much, why come here to honor him at all?��

    ��Love, please,�� Dad begs.

    ��Oh I��m not here to honor him. I��m here to protest him. Haven��t you noticed, or have you just been looking at the floats this whole time? Look around you. Yeah there are plenty of people like you here, having a good time. But there are more than a few people here to let the ��hero�� know he isn��t loved by everyone. Plenty of people who hate him,�� the man growls.

    Pappa opens his mouth to respond, but an unnatural silence stops him. Oh fuck I hate this part. I hate this part. I can��t watch, I can��t watch, I can��t watch. The band isn��t playing, and the hero, sitting on his padded chair, is scanning the crowd. He��s stopped his float directly in front of us. His eyes catch mine for a single instant and acid runs through my veins. The apathy behind his face leaves me hollow. People are trying to speak. Trying to yell at him. Panicking. But he��s done something to silence all of us. Then, he comes to a decision, and pulls out a whisper sphere. Someone answers almost immediately.

    ��Hey,�� he says, his calm voice echoing like a shout through the unnatural quiet he has created. ��I��m bored.�� Three words. Three simple words every child has spoken at one time or another. And all our fates were sealed.

    ��Want an extraction?�� an answer rings through the sphere. The hero taps his lips in thought, then looks back at the crowd with irritation.

    ��Nah, the NPCs aren��t behaving correctly. Let��s do a full reset on this one,�� the hero responds. And that��s it. That��s the end of my life. There is silence for a few moments, but the hero sighs and jumps to the ground in a single smooth movement. ��I guess I might as well do some recruiting before we do.�� He moves too quickly for any of us to react, swimming through the crowd, plucking children like me from their parents and gathering them in the middle of the road. When he gets to me I try to fight. My parents try to fight. My arm screams out as Dad desperately tries to hang onto me. I taste salt and iron as my father��s hand is severed at the wrist.

    He screams in agony, but I can only tell from his face. The world is still silent. Flesh and sinew hangs from his arm, but he ignores it. He and Pappa don��t give up. As a single blink finds me in the road with the other children, I desperately look to get my bearings. To find my parents. They are both trying to push through the crowd. I can read my name on their desperate lips. Dad��s hand is still wrapped around my wrist, taunting me. I want to die. I can��t go through this again. And then the demons descend. The sky demons. The bird men. Or as I later learned, the volu. Not demons from some plane of torment. Just guardians, like I eventually became. Pressed into service for the sage��s entertainment.

    There is so much blood. But no death. Lives are too valuable to waste, after all. A sea of silent red exploding around me like the hero��s fireworks. One of the volu grabs me and pulls me into the sky. I don��t want to go with them. They are rounding up the people below, some as they flee, others as they bleed in the dirt. I struggle. I just want to fall. I just want this man to let me go and let me fall. I close my eyes as we pass the massive obsidian stone, flying slowly past us in the other direction. Toward the crowd below. I can��t look. I can��t look. I can��t look.

    My parents deserve my attention. I keep my eyes closed for as long as I can bear. But I have to see. I open them and retch. The crowds below are being marched to the stone, now resting impossibly on a single point on the ground. The volu are grabbing them and discarding them like garbage. Into the stone. Through its surface like it��s made of black water. Into whatever emptiness the Void Sage has created for them inside. ��Dad . . . Pappa . . .�� I whisper.

    <hr>

    ��Ember! Ember wake up, are you all right?�� Lillith asks. She has clear concern in her voice which I fail to understand. What is she doing? It��s still dark out, why is she fucking bothering me?

    ��What does it matter to you? Just let me sleep,�� I dismiss. I am angry again. I always wake up angry. Always thinking of home, for some reason. I don��t have the energy for Lillith��s shit right now.

    ��It sounded like you were having a nightmare. Ember, you were thrashing,�� she answers. I look around and see Autumn sitting up in bed, also looking at me with concern.

    ��I don��t have nightmares,�� I answer. ��I don��t dream at all.�� Why do I always have to think of home in the morning? There is nothing for me there. I know this. I know it. But I always do. And it always makes me angry. Always.

    ��You . . . you were calling out for your father,�� Autumn says. I roll my eyes at her.

    ��Now I know you two are full of shit. I don��t have a father. I never have. Not one that I��ve met, anyway. Why would I call out for a man who abandoned me before I was old enough to remember his face? Just leave me alone,�� I scoff. Father. Bullshit. The only person looking after me as a child was me. And that��s the only person I rely on now. I have no one to call out to. Why am I even working with these women? I should just leave. Go back to work.

    For the thousandth time since coming back to the republic, I resolve to leave and report everything back to my commander. But something inside of me is disgusted by that idea. I don��t understand it, but I want Lillith to win. I want the sages dead. So I roll over, ignoring whatever Lillith or Autumn have to say, and try to go back to sleep.

 Chapter 22 - War of Innocents

    Edward

    I erect another wall of glass just as a new monster emerges from the massive tree in the center of the city. I am so exhausted. I want to make my family proud. I want to make up for my mistakes. But I feel like I can only make new ones. I haven��t visited the man in the glass pillar for a few days. I haven��t seen Mariah either. I spend all day, every day, defending the city from the monsters sent by the Radiant Woods. And defending the monsters from the city. Both require constant vigilance. My glass can keep them in, for a while. But the radiant tree is too large. I have to constantly replace it as it cracks, and different monsters beat against the sides.

    And that��s only half the problem. Because my glass is clear, and the monsters on the other side can be seen. Every crack can be heard. Every time a particularly large one throws its body into the side, it��s witnessed by someone. This city, so fresh from weeks of fear followed by mass tragedy and death . . . it��s afraid. Fear and loss lives in every dark corner of every home. People are afraid and they can see the monsters coming to kill them. I can��t convince them that these are people who can be saved. Even if I could, I doubt I could convince them it was worth the risk to try. People want to feel safe again. They don��t want to keep losing loved ones and to never have a life again. The fact is, the monsters are terrifying and deadly. And if they get loose, people will have to choose between killing them and dying themselves.

    The only reason anyone is letting me do things this way is because it��s safer than fighting. Because we can��t kill the monsters without getting killed ourselves. And because even if we do, more will come. So for now, people are agreeing to let me hold them back instead of fighting. But that��s it. They are allowing me to do it. But it��s not sustainable. I constantly have to maintain the glass, and so far no one has offered to help. The number of monsters on the other side is growing, and eventually there will be too many. I haven��t had more than a half hour of sleep for days. Eventually, I��m going to break down, and the glass wall will follow shortly after. There are other mages nearby, standing guard. But they are here to fight, not to help me. They are here, waiting for me to fail.

    And I am going to. Whenever I blink, my eyes fight to stay closed. Things fall from my hands if I lose focus for a moment. I��m running on mana alone, and I don��t have nearly enough to do that long term. Especially since I need to keep casting. I need help. I desperately need help or innocent people are going to die. That��s a certainty once this glass comes down. Whether it be the innocents on the inside, their minds robbed from them, or those on the outside, driven mad with fear. Someone innocent is going to die. I just have to make it a few more days. Dominic and Gilbert have promised help, but . . . this isn��t the only place this is happening. Every single community is under attack. Dominic is needed to help try and evacuate everyone to one community. And that��s not even considering the other cities.

    They are safe for now, while the Radiant Woods has a closer target. Maybe they��ll be safe forever, with the safe houses buried. These monsters aren��t supposed to survive outside the Radiant Woods at all. I don��t know what changed, but hopefully they still can��t, if they get too far. But if that��s not the case . . . Dominic won��t be able to help. I need help. I need to hold out until the evacuations are done, then volunteers from the communities can take over, at least for a few hours. I need to sleep. I just need to sleep. I close my eyes. Just a few minutes. Just a few minutes and I can get back to work.

    I sit down, letting my heavy eyelids fall. Darkness surrounds me like mud. I have worked hard. Maybe it won��t be so bad if I just . . . let what will happen happen. Henry��s face swims through my head like rippling water. His gentle smile. His relentless forgiveness. My cowardice, when I ran, letting him be taken instead. The image shimmers and is replaced by the man in the glass pillar. No. Not ��the man��. My father. My father who I killed, because his pride and cowardice ate him alive. My father whose example I��d surely have followed. The child who ran from Henry would have grown to be the man in the glass. No.

    I will not be my father.

    Just as a sharp crack rings out through the ruined gallows around me, skipping across the rubble of this city''s conflicts and clawing into the ears of the other mages, I force my eyes open. There is a massive monster. Three times my height and with a mallet of flesh and some kind of organic armor instead of a fist. It��s pointed at one end, like it was designed to break my glass. A spider-web of fractures and the sound ringing in my ears reveal it has already used this weapon once, and it��s swinging back to strike again. No. I will not let the victims of the woods and the people of Visenar meet. I will not let them hurt each other. I don��t care if I have to stay awake for weeks. I will not fail again. I will not run away again. I never got to prove to Henry that I was changed. But if I stop trying now that he��s gone, then I never did change. My brother is dead. He never knew for sure whether I��d run again, if I had to make the same choice again. But I won��t.

    I throw my mana into more glass, reinforcing and repairing what is already up. The monster hits it and the cracks spread. I reinforce. I repair. It hit��s it again. This repeats, and repeats, and repeats. Each time the crack widens a little further. It is breaking my defenses faster than I can put them up. I am running out of mana. I can��t keep going. But I will. I will keep casting until I am dead. I will save. Everyone. My fingers start to feel numb. The dark bubbles into my vision and my mana slows down like a pump from a drying well. I can��t keep going. I must. I push my mana with every shred of will I have. Another monster, identical to the last, emerges from the woods. The glass is going to break. My leg gives out, forcing me to one knee.

    My head is so heavy. I can��t keep fighting. I try to cast, but no glass appears. The crack doesn��t heal. The world begins to blur. No. I��m failing again. I��m losing. So many people are going to die. I am losing control of my limbs. My abused body is in full rebellion, demanding sleep I can��t afford. I��m growing delirious. A frantic music plays in my head, like a violin giving voice to anxiety and failure and desperation. All of these emotions are amplified, until a new aura surrounds me, unfamiliar mana filling the air.

    ��You know,�� a woman says, ��I had a friend once. She would have said we need to just kill them. That we have no choice. That people will get hurt if we don��t. But you know what? I think you��re right. There has to be another way.�� As she says this, a teal mana surrounds my glass before it can shatter. A breath later, a wall of ice, every bit as clear as the glass I��d created, takes its place. ��Get some sleep. I��ve got this.

    Instead of sleeping immediately, I simply and quietly sob as the woman with the braids finally takes up the defense in my stead.

    <hr>

    Gilbert

    ��Gilbert, I��m worried about you. You��ve barely spoken to any of us in weeks, and now that all of this is happening . . .�� Julie trails off. I take a deep breath. I don��t have the emotional energy for her like I once did. We walk toward the portal to Sara��s hat shop and I have to keep my eyes on the Radiant Woods. There are hundreds of people following us, all vulnerable and exhausted. All hoping for safety.

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    ��I know. I��m worried about everyone. Julie, this is terrifying, and heartbreaking, and I don��t know how to fix anything. I��m doing the best I can,�� I answer. She shakes her head.

    ��Gil, you don��t have to fix anything. It��s not on you to fix anything. You��re no royal mage. You barely have any mana at all. It��s not your job to save everyone. Those things . . . I saw what they can do, Gilbert. There is nothing you can do about them, trust me. Just . . . come back to us, please. We could use the company,�� she begs. I look away from the colorful but nonsensical plants of the Radiant Woods toward Dominic, the man keeping all of us safe with his mana. As soon as he shows up anywhere, the attacks stop. He is too powerful for the woods to bother sending more monsters. It learned that a single day in. Every day he and I go to two or three communities and help them evacuate back to the towers. It��s too slow, but it��s the fastest we can go. He��s as exhausted as I am. But he is keeping everyone alive.

    ��I��m sorry Julie. I like you. I like everyone, and I loved our time together but . . .�� I pause as Dom looks back to check on the crowd and his eyes meet mine. ��But I need something different now. I need to fight, and I need to be around people who will fight with me. I owe it to my brother. And I owe it to myself.�� Julie winces, following my eyes up to Dominic. But she sighs and smiles at me.

    ��Alright. I get it. Everyone��s gonna miss you, though,�� she says. I return the soft smile.

    ��Will they? You��re the only one up here talking to me, aren��t you?�� I reply. She blushes sheepishly.

    ��Right. Well. Everyone is scared. We didn��t know what to do when we got attacked. But, we do all care about you. Take care of yourself, alright. And uh, give my regards to Lord Dominic,�� she replies. I nod. She puts one hand on my shoulder, patting it before turning around to find the rest of my previous paramours. That could have gone worse, as break-ups go. I keep walking and my smile even lasts a few steps. Shit. Where did everything go wrong? There is a sense of loss hanging over the group. Dom and I weren��t fast enough, and everyone here has lost someone since the monsters started attacking. And we are still a ways away from making it to complete safety.

    Even as we pass through the fault in reality that leads to the center of Sara��s hat shop. The exit is too far from the towers for the group to safely leave Dominic��s side. They could be attacked before they make it to the defenses we��ve got set up there. It would only slow us down to bring each individual group back to the towers. We have to drag everyone to each community we visit. And we have one more. One I am not excited to visit. Everyone wants to enjoy the quiet safety of the endless hat shop, but every second we waste is a second someone could be dying. Dominic quickly crosses to the next exit, and the rest of us follow.

    When it��s my turn I close my eyes and hold my breath. I hate this part. But there is no point in waiting. I take a step forward and onto the path to the Kingdom of Endings. The moment air kisses my skin I can smell the blood. Someone is screaming, and we are forced to move from walking to running. Even so, there are many of us and we can��t move quickly. It��s agonizing, listening to the sounds of violence. Tasting it in the air. Being too slow to stop it. Don��t think about it, Gil. Don��t think about it, Gil. Even after we clear the Radiant Woods, it takes agonizingly long to make it through the mundane forest and to the inhabited area. When we do, I almost vomit.

    It��s the worst I have seen so far. Every other community has at least managed to fight. But this one, despite having more mages with more mana than most other communities, doesn��t look like they fought back at all. There are dozens of bodies, mangled and discarded. The monsters are already fleeing as Dominic makes it to the center of town, but it��s too late. Tree roots erupt from the ground in all directions. They ignore soil and cobblestone alike, binding every single monster and holding them in place.

    ��Shit,�� he whispers as I catch up with him. ��I should have known this would happen.�� I don��t quite understand what he means, but I don��t have the stomach to ask.

    ��Is there anyone left?�� I whisper instead.

    ��Yeah. Yeah I think so,�� he says. I don��t know how he can tell, but it��s a relief nevertheless. ��Everyone,�� he shouts. ��It��s safe! You can come out now!�� It��s silent for a long while after he says this. But eventually, there is a racket from the largest building in town, and a door opens. It��s just a hesitant crack at first, then it swings open and a furious man in silk clothes comes marching out.

    ��About time!�� he shouts. ��We��ve been calling for help for days!��

    ��We came as fast as we could, but everyone needed help, not just you, I��m sorry,�� Dom replies quietly.

    ��Yes yes, well the important thing is you��re here now. Now if you could help me start cleaning this up and letting everyone know it��s safe to come out . . �� he trails off as the first of the group following us emerges from the forest. He frowns as the crowd behind us grows larger and larger. ��Well, isn��t this something? We won��t be able to take in any refugees, I��m afraid. The kingdom simply isn��t large enough. You��ll have to find somewhere else for everyone who can��t help defend the kingdom.��

    Dom and I just stare at him for a moment, neither of us quite able to process what he said. He is tapping his foot in impatience by the time I speak up. ��We aren��t bringing anyone here, we came to bring you back to the mountain settlement. It��s the easiest to defend, and that��s where everyone else is now,�� I explain. The man scoffs.

    ��How dare you? We are not abandoning our kingdom,�� he gasps. ��We need your help defending it, and that��s what I��ll expect you to do!�� I��m a little surprised he is speaking to Dom this way, but I guess not everyone in the town has been to Visenar. Still, even if they don��t recognize him, his mana level is clear. If anyone was hanging onto hierarchy based on that, it should be the Kingdom of Endings, right?

    ��We can��t defend two places at once,�� Dom replies calmly. ��I��m sorry, but you��ll have to come with us.��

    ��I��m not asking you to defend two places at once, I��m asking you to defend the Kingdom of Ending!�� he sneers. I am not in the mood for this and we are in a hurry. I take a deep breath.

    ��We are bringing anyone who wants safety with us. But we are leaving. I��m sorry, I know this is your home. But we will not be defending it for you. We would protect everyone if we could. But we can��t,�� I say. He crosses his arms.

    ��You know you are speaking to Queen Lillith��s fianc�� right now, yes?�� he asks. ��You will do as your future king tells you.�� Again I am left speechless. What is he talking about? Lily��s fianc��?

    ��No you��re not?�� I say, the question behind the statement clear.

    ��I am. After the stewards were killed, we had an election. An idea I believe my love herself has written about. I won by a landslide. As the chosen king of the kingdom, I am of course engaged to marry the queen,�� he challenges.

    ��Lily doesn��t even like�C It��s only been a few weeks since�C�� I cut myself off and take a deep breath. That doesn��t matter. I let the air out and compose myself. I am surrounded by carnage, destroyed homes, and mutated victims struggling to free themselves from magic tree roots. This man is not my main concern. ��Alright. We are going to gather anyone who wants to come with us, then we are leaving. Come with us or don��t. We won��t force you. But we aren��t staying. And if you want my advice? Drop the fianc�� bullshit. The last man who declared himself my sister��s fianc�� lost his head even worse than you are right now.��

    I march away from him, ignoring his self-important ranting. There are people who need help, and they deserve our attention.

 Chapter 23 - Radiant Retreat

    Sarafyna

    The border stands before me, impossibly tall and wide. The stone monument in the sky silently screams at me, forbidding me from passing through. To everyone else, the barrier itself was invisible. I suppose it is for me too, but . . . some feelings are so intense they can nearly be seen. The rejection and contempt of this border are tangible, and while the air remains empty and I couldn��t describe what it looks like, I can see exactly where the border starts. This. I flew through the day and night, exhausting myself, for this. This hideous barrier, caging the people on both sides. And I don��t want to pass through it. I��m afraid.

    When I came here, only a few days ago, my divine magic failed me. My whisper spheres won��t connect with anyone back home. My hats don��t connect with the hat shop. What I��ve done to the Radiant Woods hasn��t changed, but nothing else is working. There are only two things that absolutely can��t fail me, and the hat shop is one. The other is Annie. If my divine magic fails, she dies. I can��t accept that. I refuse to accept that. As long as I live in this world, so will she. So many lives have been leaning on Annie since I met her, and I brought her here to shoulder that burden. So I am determined to carry the burden of her still heart in return. I will keep Annie alive.

    This is why I''m afraid. Because my magic doesn��t work when this wall is between me and my target. Not always. I am terrified I will walk through this border, and Annie will die. But I have to go. I know I have to go. I��d never forgive myself for the consequences of refusing. Annie would never forgive herself either. I can still feel her. If I focus, I can see her. She is okay. She is alive. And she is fighting. I have to fight too. I take a deep breath. The hat shop remained when I passed through. I can��t control it as well, but it still exists, and the Radiant Woods didn��t take my part of the nexus back. The hat shop and Annie together own almost all the magic I have access to. If the shop survived, my girlfriend will as well.

    If she doesn��t, well. I will turn around and bring her back. I��ll have to tell her then, why I can��t go back without her. I��ll have to face whatever she says when she knows the truth. Whatever she asks me to do. But she will be alive. I close my eyes and tremble. I have told myself I can save her again and again. No matter how many times I tell myself this, taking the first step toward that risk is still too hard. But I can feel her. I can feel her need to keep her remaining family safe. She is counting on me to do that. To keep everything she has fought for from falling apart. And so, because I love her, I take a step. The wall surrounds me, trying to refuse me. It feels like the slime of a priest��s gaze. The aching underneath my skin taunts me. It reminds me of my childhood. The day my father nearly killed himself trying to save me.

    But I am stronger now. Stronger than those priests. Stronger than this violent wall. Annie has made me stronger. I ignore the hostile energy assaulting me and picture Annie��s face. Her eyes of blood, her eyes of earth. Her straight, obsidian hair. Her curled, mahogany hair. She has two faces. Two bodies. I can see and feel them both. I am seen and felt by both. My mind goes back to that final night before I left. That joy and that relaxation. As I walk I live in that moment of vulnerability with the woman I love, and before I know it I have crossed the border.

    I immediately collapse to my knees, gripping my beating heart with both hands. I can feel her. I can still feel her. She��s still alive. I can do this. I can do this and Annie will survive. I taste the salt of tears as they pass my lips. Tension like a thorn falls from my back, allowing my blood to flow freely. My shoulders slump. She��s alive. I can keep her alive even from here. I can keep her alive. Which means it is time to move. I have wasted enough time already. I need to act.

    The Radiant Woods was several days walk from here, or several hours flight for me. But I don��t need to do either. I brought my own route back. Now, on the other side of the border, I can use all of my abilities again. Which means as soon as I have a decent place to hide, I can reach wherever I need to in an instant. I look around the empty meadow for anything I can use as shelter. Nothing. I sigh, idly rubbing the brim of my hat. It helps me center my mind, a little. I suppose I should contact Edward before I do anything. If they are all well, I can spend this entire week looking for Leo. I sit down on a bed of lilies and take my bag off my back. I dig through it, past the other, more magical hat I��ve brought, and grab the whisper sphere.

    When I try to contact Ed, however, the sphere glows for a few moments before going dark again. I frown a little. That��s not good. Nervous sweat forces me to remove my hat before it��s ruined. If Annie lost another brother . . . no. I can��t think about that right now. I have to try someone else. Next I call Gilbert, Annie��s oldest brother. This time a voice answers almost immediately.

    ��Ed is that you? Is everything alright? We��re coming as soon as we can, hang in there just a little longer!�� Gil promises before I get a chance to speak.

    ��Gil? It��s Sara, what happened to Ed?�� I ask.

    ��Sarafyna? You��re okay, thank the�C thank someone! We haven��t been able to get in contact with you! Can you make it back? We need help!�� he says and my breath catches. I wasn��t gone for that long, and everything was fine when I was here. I try to control the panic climbing my mind like a rope ladder and respond.

    ��Yes, I can get back. What happened, where do you need me?�� I ask.

    ��Visenar, as soon as you can, Ed needs help,�� Gil replies immediately. ��It��s the victims of the Radiant Woods. They are leaving, attacking the settlements. They have been for days.�� The trembling in my hands returns as a million implications crash down around me like a falling mountain. No. They aren��t supposed to leave. They aren��t even supposed to be able to survive outside the woods. But if they are hurting people . . . there is no way to avoid someone getting hurt. I wanted to save them. I wanted to save them all. But now, after the woods finally lets them go, I don��t have Annie��s knowledge to help me. People are going to die. People have probably already died. On both sides.

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    But why does he want me in Visenar? Then it occurs to me. The great tree, by the gallows. The tree I put there. ��Ed needs help��, he said. Annie��s brother needs help, because of me. ��I��m on my way,�� I promise, then put the sphere away. I wanted to check in, then talk to Dad and Pete. I was hoping to find Leo quickly, then return to Annie. But this . . . this is a nightmare. The Radiant Woods won��t leave me alone. They won��t stop torturing me, long after I escaped them. Long after I conquered them. They still hurt the ones I love.

    I glance around again. Nowhere to hide the hat. I don��t have time to look. I could maybe grow a new tree of the Radiant Woods here, but that��s what caused the issue in the first place. I��ll just have to risk it. I pull the hat from my bag, gently replacing it with my old one. With no time to waste, I put the new hat on. The hat I brought from my hat shop. The one still connected to it. A breath later, I am inside the Nexus, surrounded by my hats. The safest place in the world, except next to Annie. We were supposed to use this method to travel back regularly, before the border got in the way. I don��t wait longer than a moment. I won��t let Annie lose another brother. I run to the nearest exit, making a sharp left and running into the Radiant Woods the second I emerge.

    ��Welcome back, Sarafyna. We all missed you.��

    Years of fear and abuse stab me like needles the moment I enter. A thousand times I have felt this, for Annie��s sake. For everyone��s sake. Recently only for Leo. I ignore them. I tune out the voice. I simply find Visenar in my mind, and leave the woods again. I don��t have time to confront the Collector or listen to his taunts. I��m not the child he owned anymore. And I don��t much like the woman I become when I��m reminded of what he did to that child. I emerge into a cage of ice and broken glass. It��s empty, except for stains of blood in the dirt and rotting wood. The ice is clear as a window and I can see a group of mages surrounding me, and the radiant tree, on all sides. I can see evidence of abuse on the ice, like something had been hammering and cutting at it, trying to escape. But there is nothing here. No one.

    The urgency that rushed me here is replaced with confusion. I look up to see the ice and glass extends all the way to the top of the tree. If there is somewhere Ed needed my help, it was surely here. It��s obvious there was some kind of struggle to keep something contained. The victims of the Radiant Woods, according to Gilbert. But why did they leave? Why now? The answer to this question seems obvious, considering the timing, but I don��t want to accept it. Because if it��s what I think it is . . . the implications rest on my shoulders like stone.

    As I am examining my surroundings, desperate for my theory to be wrong, the ice begins to melt in just one spot, creating an opening large enough to walk through. A woman with braids appears in the opening and tilts her head at me. ��How did you make them leave?�� She asks. I clench my fists and close my eyes. So they did leave just before I got here. And, if I had to guess, they showed up just after I crossed the border. It��s going to be longer than a week before I can see Annie again.

    <hr>

    Charlotte

    We emerge, for the first time, in a clearing we have already been in. We have been heading in one direction this entire time, but it could not be more obvious that we have circled back around at some point. I recognize the stones and the moss of this spot. We found one of our new allies here. The path we previously took is clear as well. The Radiant Woods is toying with us. We can��t afford this. There are several dozen of us now, and it��s growing harder to feed everyone. Everyone we save seems to have mana, but few of them have access to it in a meaningful way. I��ve needed to change all of my aspects in order to keep everyone fed and clothed. And if we start retreading land, even that will be more difficult.

    ��I thought everyone was going in one direction, why are we here again?�� Frey asks from slightly behind me. They quickly became one of Leo��s closer friends and are often near the front of the crowd with us. They aren��t the only one wondering what''s going on, and an uneasy whisper ripples through the group further behind us.

    Leo looks around, his almost constant smile wavering for the first time in days. ��I��m not sure,�� he answers. ��Something has changed.�� He��s right. I don��t know what��s changed, but I think I know why it resulted in us coming back here.

    ��We are here for the same reason we have only found other people like us. Other people born in the entirely wrong body and abandoned here,�� I answer.

    ��What do you mean?�� Leo asks. I glance back at the nervous crowd.

    ��We��re being led somewhere. I don��t know where, and I don��t know why. But the people we are saving . . .�� I trail off as I think about the new, hope-filled Leo I have grown to love since he first brought someone back. I don��t want to ruin that. But he has to know. ��They��re being used as bait. Bait to bring us somewhere,�� I finish. I expect Leo��s expression to fall. I expect the hopelessness of his isolation to return. But instead, he grins.

    ��Well, wherever they are leading us, they are delivering us to our lives, our bodies, as we are supposed to be. I say we use that as long as we can and face whatever they are trying to trap us into together,�� he responds. I��m a bit taken aback. All that time around Lillith, I have seen a lot of people grow more passionate. More hopeful. But usually, more desperate and angry at the same time. Leo��s unassailable and unbridled joy is all him. How long must it have lived inside him? How long have I held it back, in the name of earning a real life for him. How long have my concessions to the world I thought was unchangeable kept him from this joy? How many years could he have felt like this, had I helped him fight sooner?

    ��Then why would it take us back here?�� Frey asks. ��I know the nexus, and the assholes who sent us there, are a bunch of stupid pricks but surely they wouldn��t want to turn us around for no reason?��

    He��s not wrong. Unless they want to drive us to starvation. But eventually, we��ll just stop and start growing food locally. Going on trips to find more victims of the woods. We won��t starve. ��Something has definitely changed,�� I answer. ��Wherever they are leading us, they don��t want us to get there right now.�� What, I don��t know. But something has changed.

 Interlude - New World

    Oakley

    My arms are still in front of my face and my heart is still pounding. But the world is . . . quiet. Nothing happens. I��m okay. Alive. I hesitantly open my eyes, only to find myself outside. As my mind escapes the adrenaline surging through me, I notice the fresh smell of the air and feel the warm breeze on my skin. I am not only outside, but nowhere near my office. Nowhere near Austin at all, in fact. Hell, this barely looks like Texas. There are a few spots up north, by the lake, which are at least green enough to match my surroundings. But none so large and open. Wherever this is has more rolling green hills and fewer cedar trees.

    A new fear descends on me. No longer an aimless, targeted fear with an obvious subject. Instead, it��s an open and unknowable fear. Vulnerability. I am here, alone. In the middle of nowhere. No one to protect me. No money. No authority. And the whole world wants me dead. I feel naked. Exposed. I could die at a moment''s notice, if the wrong person finds me here. How did I even get here? I don��t understand what happened. Where do I go? What should I do? I don��t know how to survive out here. Did someone bring me here? Why? How am I supposed to survive? How do I find my way back to the city?

    I turn, again and again. There is no hint of where I should go. No roads. No signs. I am on the precipice of full on panic, turning rapidly around, hoping to catch some sign of society, when my hand brushes my pocket and feels its contents. In an instant, I realize I��m being silly. Too much adrenaline, I��m not thinking clearly. I don��t know what happened. I have no idea how I got here. But the last thought in my mind was ��this can��t be real��. I was just repeating that to myself, over and over. ��This can��t be real. This can��t be real. This can��t be real.�� I was about to die. I was moments away from the end of everything, holding my arms up in a desperate, aimless attempt to survive. And I found myself here.

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    It defies logic, but whatever happened, it saved my life. If someone did this, they don��t want me dead. I don��t need signs or roads. I have my phone. I pull my salvation from my pocket to call the police, only to realize I have no signal. There shouldn��t be anywhere I have no signal. Again despair bubbles in my stomach. Where do I go? Any direction could take me further from safety. I sit down in the wet grass and grip my legs. It��s hopeless. I need help. Why won��t anyone help me? This can��t be real. This can��t be real. I just want to feel safe. I close my eyes, trying to shut out the world. It��s impossible that I am here. It��s impossible. This isn��t reality. In reality I am safe. I am untouchable. I am above worries like this.

    The breeze stops. The chirping of birds vanishes and the air grows stale. I finally open my eyes to discover a veil of the night sky around me. Stars in all directions, reaching down and touching the ground around my feet. Something about it is calming, and I reach out to touch it. It ripples like water. This . . . this is real. This is safe.

 Chapter 24 - Punishment

    Lillith

    I walk back from the colosseum after the third fight of the day. Considering how much healing I need after each bout and how much more slowly I heal than most, that��s about as many as I can swing. I am impressed with the healing; even with Sarafyna��s help it��s rare to heal this quickly and with so few scars. My tumors have even started to shrink a little more quickly, despite my paramour��s absence. I feel completely fine, despite the numerous cuts and wounds inflicted on me throughout the day. The abuse I tanked in any one of those three fights should have left me drinking through a tube for weeks at least. But I am fine. Better than fine, even. I��m energetic.

    Fuckface Markus has held up his end of the bargain so far as well. I have not, so far, been ordered to kill anyone. It��s only been one day since our deal, but even so. It��s a relief, of a sort. Of course, that is a building full of slaves expected to face their death every single day. I imagine once I figure out a way to break them all out and get them to safety, the deal may fall apart. He didn��t technically forbid orchestrating a mass escape of the other gladiators, but it was a verbal contract. They can get a little messy sometimes. You know, he said, she said. He sucked, she planned his murder. This kind of thing falls apart all the time. But for now, it seems to be holding.

    I do get a lot of looks and fingers pointed my way by whispering passersby, but as planned, none of it is dangerous. I am famous for playing myself extremely convincingly. Kind of like the opposite of Tony Hawk. I can finally walk through the city with neither a heavy wool cloak nor conspicuous heat mana to keep me cool. When people see my tattoos, they don��t think of cultists but of the up and coming gladiator. It��s a relief. It will make it more important to cover up later, when it comes time to get back on my murder shit. But for now I can actually move around. A privilege I am currently using to, well, go back to my room. Yeah, I��m not using it much at the moment. I haven��t had much emotional energy for it. But hey, it��s the principle of the thing, right?

    I arrive at the room I share with Autumn and Ember, only to be stopped by August, the only one I don��t expect to find inside. He grabs my human arm and gives me a serious look. ��Hey Lil. Can we talk?�� he asks. His words are gentle but his tone has an edge. An edge which grows more familiar every day. I sigh internally but offer him a gentle smile. I know what he wants to talk about, but he won��t like what I have to say. He wanted to talk last night, but dinner with dickface ran late, and failed to yield any useful information at all. I made it back well after sunset and, despite his worried look and my meager sleep schedule, I really did need to sleep first. It wasn��t until last night, after Ember��s nightmare had woken us up, that Autumn told me what they had witnessed in the stands. I feel terrible for brushing him off, but he��d waited so long to speak to me that he was dead to the world when I left for the arena today. It��s a conversation that��s overdue.

    ��Yeah, Auggie. Lead the way,�� I agree. He lets out a deep, relieved breath and nods. I follow him to his own room, where he sits on his bed and I take the chaise in the corner. ��Ember with Autumn right now?�� I check. He gives me a look of exasperation and disappointment all rolled into one.

    ��Of course. You know I wouldn��t leave her alone,�� he replies. I do know that. But it��s never something to take for granted. Of course, considering the topic at hand, it��s even more unlikely he��d leave Autumn on her own.

    ��Right, I know. I��m just looking out for her,�� I respond.

    ��Are you?�� August quips, his words drawing only a little blood.

    ��I am,�� I respond simply. I��m not here to defend my choices to him. I��m here to talk about what he saw, and so is he. His glare is sharp, but softens just a little.

    ��Autumn says she told you what happened yesterday?�� he asks. I nod. ��Lil, I can��t get it out of my mind. A man killed himself in front of me. He was there one moment, and just . . . gone the next. The same thing that almost happened to my sister. My twin sister. I keep replaying it in my head, over and over. In the middle of a crowd, hundreds of people watching him. He just . . . chose to die.�� He doesn��t immediately follow this with anything, but it��s clear he��s not expecting a response just yet. He clenches and releases his fist a couple times before locking his glassy eyes on me again. ��Lily, the people in the city, maybe this entire country, don��t even feel grief. They can��t. They have been cured of it. But he still chose to die. And I can��t help but think . . . if that��s a choice people can make when they aren''t grieving, how much easier must it be when they are crushed under their sorrow? Even these people aren��t safe. Doesn��t that mean Autumn is in even more danger?��

    I examine his eyes for a long moment. He loves his sister so much. I empathize. ��I get it, August,�� I reply. ��I hate seeing my loved ones in pain. I fucking hate it. It hurts like stone in my veins. It hurts so much, I ran away from my own family. Yeah, I had to come anyway. I had the perfect fucking excuse. But that doesn��t mean I didn��t run from it. It��s so hard to watch. So hard to feel. I understand your worry for your sister. I am worried for her too. And I know, the thought of taking that grief away sounds like a balm on an open wound. I know it sounds like it will heal her. But it won��t. If I thought it would help her without hurting her more, I��d be right there with you. I may not love her like a sibling, but I do love her. I want her to stop hurting too.��

    August grits his teeth and his glare sharpens again. ��You fucking loathe her,�� he challenges. This cuts much deeper and knocks the breath out of me. I can only look back at him with wide eyes. ��I have seen how you look at her when she has her back turned. I can feel it, emanating from you like heat from a kettle, building up pressure bit by bit. You hate her. You wish you hadn��t stopped her from jumping. You think I can��t see it? We all can. You blame her for Henry��s death. Just as much as she does. Can you really say you are leaving her in grief for her own good, and not as a punishment?�� Three times today I was nearly beaten to unconsciousness, but this is the first time I��ve really been wounded.

    I want to deny it, but he��s right. At least a little. I didn��t even realize I looked at her like that. I pushed it to the back of my mind. Compartmentalized it away where it was quiet. But nothing is ever truly silent. I can��t ignore the image that forced its way into my mind when we sat on top of that building. That twitch in my new arm, ready to push her. I do hate her. She is one of three people I want to punish for Henry��s death. One of three who aren��t already dead, anyway. At least as far as I know. But I don��t mean to actually punish her.

    ��You��re right,�� I respond, clenching my own fists. ��I do resent Autumn. I do blame her. But I also love her. Henry loved her even more than he loved me, and hurting her would be spitting on his grave. I am not punishing her with grief. I don��t even know why she is still feeling it now, with Sara gone. I couldn��t take it away even if I thought it was a good idea. You need to listen to me, August. Autumn said there was another man there. One who said this happens all the time, right?��

    ��You don��t huh? You have no idea at all why she is still hurting while everyone else in this country is free from it. Even I don��t feel any grief anymore. Just anger. Just resentment. Even you don��t. But Autumn, Autumn still gets all of it. How goddamn convenient. The person you resent the most is the one who mysteriously carries the most pain,�� he snaps.

    Again I feel like I��ve been punched in the gut. He thinks I��m not grieving still? He thinks I would do that to a person? ��Is that really what you think of me?�� I ask. ��After everything, you think I would do that to a person?�� He clicks his tongue in irritation.

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    ��I didn��t. But I didn��t think you��d ever hate Autumn either. You��re not exactly the girl I wanted to court back in school. I don��t know who you are. But I know Autumn is hurting, and you, probably the woman who hates her most, are playing games in the arena. Exactly what should I think?�� August throws back. Every word lands like the crack of a whip. August is my friend. One of the first nobles I��ve actually trusted. Hell, he��s the first person I openly ��came out�� to here, and he was shockingly blas�� about it. Even supportive. I like him. If I didn''t, the way he sees me now wouldn��t hurt so much. Especially since, even if it��s only a little, every word has the bite of truth to it. I am not punishing Autumn. But as much as I love her, I do hate her. I don��t even logically blame her for what she did. I do blame her for failing to tell me about it later, but even if she had, a part of me would still hate her. A part of me would still have considered pushing her from that tower. A part of me would still want to follow her.

    I take a deep breath and bite back the quiver that tries to escape in my voice. Even as he berates me, he needs to see a strong front. He needs to have me to lean on. ��August. He said it happens all the time. I spoke to the other gladiators today and they confirmed it. Have you ever been to any place where casually taking your own life is considered regular and mundane? At any time in Potestia? Do you really think it��s unique to the arena? People aren��t doing this despite their lack of grief. They��re doing this because of it. If I had a way to hand Autumn over to the sages, it would only increase the risk to her safety,�� I respond, measuring my voice to present more calm than I feel. I see his denial brewing but I cut it off at the pass. ��Look, all I��m asking is that you investigate it. We��ve been focused on the sages, but shift gears. Or, uh, change your target. Ask around. Read the news; listen to rumors. I��m willing to bet the suicide rate in this country is astonishing.

    ��Before you ask me to find a way to rob your sister of her pain, before you accuse me of inflicting it on her on purpose, find out if that��s what you really want. Because it will hurt her, August. It will hurt her more than I ever could. You can take away someone��s ability to shit because it seems cleaner, but it will still make a mess. The difference is it will kill them too. An ugly metaphor, I know, but an effective one. You said you would wait. You need to wait longer. You need to process what you saw yesterday. You need to examine it before you try and resign someone you love to the same fate. I get it. I do. You faced the reality of what your sister almost did. Of how close you got to losing her. And you��re afraid no one will stop her next time. But there is no quick fix. There is now gluing her back together and putting her on your shelf exactly as she was before my brother died. You can only be there for her and support her. I am not punishing her, and I never will. However I feel about her. So before you jump to that, make damn sure you know it won��t leave her rotting on the inside.��

    August continues to glare at me. ��Fine. But you��re going to have a hard time of convincing me of this entirely. While you are free from your grief and she is not. Just get out for now. I��ll speak to you again when I am done chasing down your excuses. Eventually, you are going to have to account for that disparity,�� he replies. My heart sinks into my stomach. I turn to leave. I knew he wanted to talk about what he saw. But I didn��t know it was going to be like this.

    Before I leave the room I pause. ��My grief isn��t gone, August. And I wouldn��t give it up for anything,�� I whisper.

    ��Could have fooled me,�� August quips, turning his head to look out his window. It bites, but not as hard as his comments about my feelings toward Autumn. I leave his room feeling defeated, waiting in the hall to catch my breath. Sobs threaten to escape and I have to wait for several minutes before I can control them and put on a brave face again. But Autumn needs me to wear that face. Ember needs it too. After nearly ten minutes, I finally return to my own room. Ember is in her bed with her eyes closed, although I don��t think she is sleeping. She seemed to have a rough night, so I get it. Autumn, however, is standing and glaring at me.

    ��Would you just hit me?�� she snaps the second she sees me. What the fuck? What��s all this about?

    ��Why would I do that, Autumn?�� I ask. She clicks her tongue in a way identical to her twin��s.

    ��You can��t die in that arena, Lily. If you die, the rest of us have nothing. It will kill Sara. It will kill me. And you��ll leave Ember back where she started. We are all counting on you too much for you to get yourself killed,�� she snaps.

    ��I know that, what does that have to do with hitting you?�� I ask, incredulous.

    ��Do you? I��ve seen every one of your matches, Lily. It sure doesn��t feel like you know other people are counting on you. What you are doing out there? It��s pathetic. It��s spitting on your brother��s grave,�� she says, somehow throwing my own words back at me despite her absence when I said them. ��I get it. I understand, probably better than anyone. But if you are going to keep punishing someone for Henry��s death, make it someone expendable. Someone we can do without. Someone no one is expecting anything from. Just fucking hit me, instead of getting yourself killed. We are both responsible, not just you. If you are determined to make someone pay in blood for Henry��s death, make it me. I deserve it more anyway. And you��re not the only one who feels it every time you take a kick or a cut you could have avoided.��

    Again one of the twins takes the wind from my lungs. I tighten my lips and one fist, completely unable to respond. I��m not going to hurt Autumn. I would never hurt Autumn. But when she asks me to, I am tempted. But I just swore to August that I would never punish Autumn for what happened. I can��t face the reality of the punishment I have been accepting in her stead. I��m not sure it was even a conscious choice. But what choice was it, exactly? Three living people hold the blame for my brother��s death. If I stop punishing myself, can I keep that promise to August? Will I start punishing the others instead? How can I tell August I would never do that, when I have been doing it to one of the three this entire time? I need to speak. I need to tell Autumn she isn��t expendable. She doesn��t deserve anything more than me. But I don��t. Autumn huffs.

    ��Well. If you aren��t going to hit me, I��m going to August��s room. Let me know if you change your mind. But whether you do or not, stop fucking around when your life is on the line. It��s disgusting,�� Autumn says after I fail to respond for a moment. She shoves her way past me, leaving the room. I lean out, making sure she does actually enter the room next door and isn��t left alone. Finally, I release a breath I didn��t realize I was holding. I slump onto my bed, already exhausted by the emotional beating I��ve taken in the past few minutes.

    ��You got something you want to yell at me for too?�� I ask. Ember grunts.

    ��You snore loud as shit. Some of us need our sleep,�� Ember complains without skipping a beat. It doesn��t have the familiar tone of a friendly joke, but it somehow feels like one anyway. Maybe I just needed a complaint that was petty. Maybe I just see a handhold to bring me back to a reality I can face. Maybe being flippant is just easier for me.

    ��I don��t snore. I don��t care what you or Sara says. You��re just jealous of me, obviously,�� I joke, enjoying the moment of pettiness.

    ��Jealous of what? Your vibrant friendships? Yeah, think I��ll pass on those,�� Ember retorts. Ouch.

    ��No, because my dick is bigger than yours,�� I respond sarcastically. Ember finally opens her eyes, slits of pupils rolling over to me.

    ��I don��t even have a dick, what kind of jab even is that?�� she responds.

    ��Neither do I, but mine is still bigger,�� I answer. She groans in irritation.

    ��Go fuck yourself with it, then,�� she dismisses, rolling over on her side and turning away from me.

    ��Yeah, yeah. You eat shit too, bestie,�� I reply. She just grunts again, bored with the conversation. It wasn��t exactly friendly but the flavor of insults with no bite far surpasses the accusations from the twins. It helps me level out. I close my eyes. I can��t think about all of this right now. I��ll spiral. Instead, I retreat back inside myself. There is plenty of day left, and I won��t need to sleep until well into the night. It��s high time I figured out how to get stronger. That I can think about without pain. It��s time to become more demonic. It��s time to turn my body into an even more deadly weapon.

 Chapter 25 - Evolution

    I let the world melt around me as I magically retreat inward. August and Autumn''s opposite but aligned complaints are chalk in the rain. Ember''s quiet, self-soothing purring is simply white noise. I allow myself to exist in my own body. My own impossible body, with a scarred and still heart. Steel intrudes into the ecosystem, but flesh has grown around and attached to it, and mana flows between the two seamlessly. There are ugly, invasive tumors littered throughout my body, collecting and bursting with mana. I feel light headed as the mana I search with interacts with them. They haven��t been as bad, since the enchanted limbs were attached. The various new piercings are helping as well. But all of these simply prevent the negative effects of the cancer. They keep it from growing and keep me alive.

    None of them, on their own, actually remove the tumors. The arena��s nexus healing and my own efforts are the only thing that does that. But, magical as they are, they are stubborn. They aren��t what I am here for, however. They are the primary obstacle to today''s goal, but they are now under control enough that I don��t have to spend my time on them. I hardly even feel like dried out fish skin draped over a clothes line now, which means I can begin changing my body again. I am also just about as conspicuous as can be already, so more obvious changes aren��t as dangerous as they once were. I just need to decide on what I need to change. What I need to do is kill sages. Divine magic makes that tough, but I know how to fight that. Poison and venom. It��s how I have killed most users of divine magic so far.

    Job one is improving on that. Or rather, creating more expedient delivery methods for said poisons. As much as I like biting people, who doesn��t, it��s a bit of an unruly way to fight. More of an ambush predator behavior. What I��d really like is projectiles. Any would work really, but poisonous projectiles would be ideal. Unfortunately, I am not a goddess of creation. I can��t create new genetic designs from scratch. I am also not Sarafyna, so I can��t just kind of soup into whatever shape I need. Every change I make, I have to base off of something I studied directly in my past life, or something I can send mana into and study now. This limits me in a few ways. For one, my memory is not flawless and genetic makeup is complex. I can only model changes after a general understanding I remember, and I have to adapt it to my human DNA. I can also only make changes that actually exist. Or at least, changes which are close to something real with some adjustments.

    My blood and sweat is like this. I can change the activating proteins and the method of storing venom. But I didn��t invent either the sweat nor the poison in my blood. Evolution, asshole that it is, did not produce a whole lot of organic projectiles. They are limited in quantity, hard to replace quickly, and just unlikely to persist through natural selection. Conditions for them are rare, and not consistent. X-Men apparently got this aspect of evolution wrong, despite its otherwise flawless science. It��s pretty fucked up, if you ask me. This has narrowed me down to two options. Spitting venom, and venomous claws. Something like a spitting cobra or a platypus. Or a scorpion, maybe. I can probably grow claws from my surviving hand that carries my own special venom. Not exactly like any of these animals but using all of them as a basis.

    Both have drawbacks. The claws are an upgrade from the fangs, which were an upgrade from the blood delivery. I can more reliably use them in combat, especially combat I don��t initiate. I can also dip my axe and the claws of my right glove in venom, but that will only work so many times in a row and I have to be planning to use it. I am currently trying not to kill most people I am fighting so that��s a no go. It remains only a minor upgrade, however. It is also the more obvious of the two. I have a couple more personal complaints as well, but they aren��t a priority.

    Then there is spitting venom. Something I considered way back when I was creating my fangs. At the time, I rejected it for a couple reasons. It��s simply not effective enough, against a divine mage, when it is only skin contact. I needed the poison in their veins somehow. Even my touch activated poison required ingestion first. If I want more than that, I need to spit not just venom, but acid. Something corrosive. On one hand, this would be even more effective at using up a sage''s nexus energy. On the other hand, producing, storing, and spitting straight venomous acid requires a good number of secondary changes to be safe. Otherwise I��ll just end up killing myself. It will also take a lot longer, and it won��t extend my range all that much. I can hock a loogie with the best of them, but you can only organically propel liquid so far.

    All of this in mind, I decide to start with claws. Sorry, Sara. I��ll see if I can make them retractable, at least. I can add spitting venom later, which will at least be another flawed tool on my belt. Claws are the easier change in the shortest time. I��m an old hat at this by now, and my mana courses through my body, making little alterations at my command. It��s too slow. I need to be ready to kill the next sage I fight and that could happen any day. The way I��ve been doing things isn��t going to cut it. For what must be the millionth time, I curse that Sara��s magic doesn��t work on me for some reason. I mean it works, she can heal me, but she has consistently failed to help with my alterations. Divine magic is kind of a finicky little shit. Like most of its users, I guess. Every one I��ve met excepting Sarafyna who is of course a perfect, sexy angel who can do no wrong. In any case, it doesn��t work for me, which means pure mana is my only shot.

    It doesn��t help that not all of my limbs are organic anymore. I pulse mana through my body, but whenever they pass through the steel limbs I have to change its nature so I don��t fuck with them while modifying the rest. It slows me down, at first. Then I remember my fight with Turner. I remember how quickly the spell materialized, shocking even me. The way my right arm accumulated mana like a hard drive, constantly moving back and forth between my tumors and the enchanted steel. Every pass carried more power, and it happened so quickly. Bouncing back and forth more times than I could count in a second and creating the spell I��d visualized with much greater power and speed than I��d intended. That had been an external spell, rather than internal work, but I wonder.

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    As soon as the thought even occurs to me, I start cycling my mana back and forth between the tumors and the artificial limbs again. Again it accelerates, moving through my body far faster than usual. Well. This is probably a shitty idea. As the mana circulates, I start picturing the changes I want in my left arm. It only feels a little like I fired thousands of needles through my blood veins which all exploded from my flesh as soon as they reached my forearm. Only a little agonizing beyond belief. Christ, I need to figure out a better way to test this shit. The ��I��m just gonna send it�� method is not serving me well.

    I do manage to keep my mouth shut and hold the scream in. As far as Ember knows, I am still just meditating. And as far as I know, I am peeling my one remaining arm off one fiber at a time. My entire body flexes, tensing up and exhausting me with each rapid wave of mana through my body. But I push through, because it is working. I can feel it working, in real time. The keratin forms inside my fingertips, sharp, thick, and hollow. It grows and merges with my nails and skin, making them sharper and sturdier. New oval glands begin to build in my forearm, storage for the venom I intend to fill the claws with. It feels like eternity, tearing apart and rebuilding my body. The mana moves to my tumors, to my piercings and limbs, and to my tumors again. Two obstacles. Two losses. The enchantment used to stop mana from gathering in my cancer is now making me stronger. Faster.

    I am already halfway done with my new claws. Almost ready to start producing venom in them. This much progress should have taken weeks. Maybe months. But I have gotten to this point in . . . how long has it been? A hand lands on my shoulder, startling me and forcing me back to the conscious world. Autumn and Ember are both staring at me and I am taking in deep, desperate breaths like I��ve just finished a marathon.

    ��What��s happening, why are you sweating so much? Are you alright?�� Autumn asks. I realize she��s right. My clothes are soaked through with sweat. My hair is matted to my face and head. My tattoos are rough with the line work elevating itself from my skin like it does when I am sick.

    ��Are you ever getting up? Don��t you have more matches today? Or are you taking a day off already?�� Ember asks. I look at both of them in confusion, failing to process the morning light shining through the window and across their faces. A moment later, my face pales. I feel like I spent the night on a medieval torture rack. All of my muscles are sore and overworked, and I��m exhausted. I don��t need much sleep these days. More since entering a land with no grief I didn��t bring with me, but still not much. Any sleep at all is usually enough to avoid this level of exhaustion. And it is morning. I have been up all night. The entire night, forcing my body to take on a new design. I look at my left hand as sweat runs down the black and purple tattoos covering the arm. My nails are thick. Sharper. With a thought, no more complex than the signal to wiggle a finger, the points recede, leaving the tips of my fingers more round. The claws themselves still extend further to the side than my nails used to, leaving them rougher and less human than they had been the night before.

    All night. Fuck. I need to hurry. ��How long until the match?�� I ask, urgency settling on me like sunbeams.

    ��Not long. If you leave now you��ll barely have time to make it,�� Autumn answers.

    ��Shit, no time to change or get any rest,�� I lament. Historically going into battle while exhausted hasn��t been my wisest move. But I��ve got more mana and have slept more recently than when I failed to save Henry as a kid. But thinking of that fails to reassure me that things will be fine, as thinking of Henry never does. Still. I have no choice. If I want my deal with Markus to hold up, I need to make it to all my fights.

    ��Maybe the stench will stop people from attacking you,�� Ember prods.

    ��If the sound of your voice doesn��t work for you, the smell of my clothes won��t work for me,�� I quip. ��I need to go. Thanks for waking me up, Autumn.��

    ��Wait,�� Autumn stops me, grabbing my sore arm and causing me to wince. This is not lost on her, and the pain is clear on my face. ��Wait, what''s wrong, why did that hurt?�� I give her a pained smile.

    ��Last night I made some choices. Decisions, if you will. I��m paying the price for them a little, that��s all,�� I answer. Her face sours.

    ��You didn��t . . .�� she trails off, more concern than irritation in her voice. I pick up on the implied question and shake my head.

    ��Not that kind of decision,�� I reassure. I hold my hand up for her, extending my half finished claws a little. ��Just working on some new weapons. Did more than I should have too quickly.�� Her eyes flick to my hand, grimacing a little, but she nods.

    ��Alright, �� she responds with relief, the edge returning to her voice a moment later. ��Lily. Fight like people are counting on you today, alright?�� I freeze at this, feeling more vulnerable than I��d like, and her eyes dig into me with claws of their own. Finally, I give her a small nod.

    ��Alright, Autumn. I��ll try,�� I promise quietly. Then I speak more loudly to indicate I am addressing the entire room. I feel uncomfortable with Autumn��s serious tone and want to diffuse a little tension. A jab from Ember will do that. ��Wish me luck. Pray for me as usual, Ember,�� I tease. The cat woman rolls her eyes.

    ��I told you, we don��t have anyone to pray to where I��m from,�� she dismisses.

    ��I remember. But it��s your love and concern that counts, right? Your prayers will reach me,�� I retort.

    ��Oh fuck off,�� Ember groans, looking away from me out the window.

    ��Right. Well, I wouldn''t want to spoil such warm words by staying until they grow stale,�� I agree, then rush out the door. Maybe if I��m quick enough I can stop by the infirmary and handle the aching and fatigue a bit.

 Chapter 26 - Indulgence

    I managed maybe five minutes in the infirmary before I had to head out to my match. Thankfully, I heal so much faster than everyone else. Alright, that��s a lie. Nexus energy works extremely slowly on me, and I feel like a sock with a rip at the pinky toe. The war hammer on my back actually feels a little heavy, for once. My head isn��t in an amazing place either. As I wait for my gate to open, I can��t get Autumn��s voice out of my mind. Fight like there are people counting on me. I feel like an idiot. A selfish idiot. I was caught up in the knowledge that I am not particularly special, however some dumbass prophecy wants to portray me. The knowledge that I don��t want to inflate my personal importance when everyone who is left will be able to keep fighting without me. I forgot that, on a personal level, people still need me. I brought the twins here with one other person who holds them in contempt. If I die, I leave them alone in a land that wants them dead. I leave them with no friends, completely vulnerable.

    And that��s not the only way Autumn needs me. She needs me for the same reason I need her. We need someone to grieve with us, for my brother. Neither of us can be alone in it. To share the grief, and to share the guilt. The pain felt so vindicating. All this time I let myself get hurt. Like I was taking it on Henry��s behalf. I felt so cold and deserving of pain, and it made me feel warm again to accept it. But it was just a distraction. A lie. Causing pain in one place to distract my body from another. Punishment for leaving my brother to die? No. It was an indulgence. Self-absorbed indulgence. Nothing more, and Autumn is right. Henry would be horrified by it. So today, I make the decision. As the gate opens, I promise myself. I will fight back from the start. I won��t accept pain I don��t need just to feel better about myself. I will let myself hurt in the right way, for a while. The real way. The hurt that turns me to ice.

    I tune out the announcer as I enter the arena. I��ve become bored with him, as his attempts to rile up the crowd are all the same and I lack interest in aiding him in doing so. Fortunately, ignoring him leans into the ��Demon Queen�� persona enough that Markus hasn��t complained yet. I do quickly regret my failure to pay attention, however, as I am met with not one opponent but half a dozen. Two of every sapient species I know of. They obviously aren��t seasoned gladiators, but they don��t look untrained either. They all stand near each other, facing me. I��m not getting ��battle royale�� vibes from this set-up. I suppose watching me tank a bunch of nonlethal hits then beat my opponents with one hit was probably getting boring. No one will make any profitable bets if every fight ends the same way. I did expect they would do something like this eventually but damn. What a day for it. Well, it��s fine. Looks like they aren��t throwing me directly into the deep end. I can beat these guys

    I crack my knuckles while waiting for the fight to start. Maybe if I finish this quickly I can get some rest in the infirmary and recover from the night I had. The announcer marks the beginning of the match and my opponents all run toward me, confirming my suspicions. It��s me against all six of them. The two volu launch into the air, but only a little, flying low and within reach if I put my strength behind a jump. The invisible ceiling of the arena must work both ways, keeping the battle contained and preventing avian combatants from running. The ailur fall to all fours and approach me far more quickly than the human combatants, who brandish what look like machetes. I move my hand to my head and crack my neck, relieving a little tension before my opponents reach me.

    I take the hammer off my back, solid steel prepared to, ever so gently, pummel anyone who gets too close. Except, as the first volu dives at me, I freeze. I see his taloned fingers extending toward me. I can block them easily. I promised myself I would try. I promised Autumn. I was just reminding myself how selfish and self-indulgent I was being before. I see Henry in the old building. Smiling. Joking with me. Left alone to die in a spell I failed to stop. Talons tear into my cheek, leaving an open, bleeding gash and flaps of skin. Why did I take that attack? Claws from an ailur are coming at me now, and I take a step back. Then I see Henry again. The claws burrow into my exposed stomach.

    Get it together Lily, you are better than this. Another swipe. Another cut. All four non-human opponents take turns scoring flesh wounds. Despite seeing each one coming. Despite my resolution to stop letting them, I do nothing. Finally, the humans catch up. A sword swings at me and I side-step it with little effort. Talons rake down my back. The other sword swings toward my neck and I duck it. Claws dig into my left shoulder. When my life is in danger, I avoid it. When my secrets are in danger, I dodge. I am never hit by a machete. My steel limbs always move in time to avoid revealing anything to my enemies.

    I feel pathetic. I know that I can end this now. I know I am making the choice, over and over again, to take the damage when I know I can survive it. A human man��s foot collides with my ribcage, knocking me into the dirt. I roll out of the way of the sword that follows me, leaving it to slash at the dirt. As I do the other man��s boot lands in the same spot on my side, stomping in my ribs and causing several to loudly crack. I can end this. I can end this now. But I don��t. I let the abuse rain down on me. Punishing me exactly as Autumn said. Why? Why am I letting them do this? I wasn��t going to! Why am I so weak? Why am I such an idiot? This continues for far too long. My weak will and self-indulgence leaving me broken, bruised, and bloody.

    I have to stop this. I have to stop it. I need to think of the people who are counting on me. As I taste blood, I clench my fists and force myself to my feet. I will fight back. A talon flies at me and I catch it, swinging the attached volu around and tossing him away, leaving him panicking in the air. An ailur woman swipes again and I let her draw more blood. I block a kick from the sky with my right arm. I scramble to recover my discarded hammer and block a sword strike. I take a punch. I block two attacks. I accept another. I block four the next time before I allow one to hurt me. It��s like I��ve trained myself to take the punishment and I have to consciously deny that instinct. But with every breath, I fight harder. Not against my enemies, but against my own failings. I shouldn��t be hurting for Henry. I should be fighting for him. Finally, although I resemble a cut of meat in a butcher��s shop, I scream and grip my hammer, swinging out with visible force, buying some distance and time to think.

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    I won��t do this anymore. I am fighting back, and I am not going to stop. I grit my teeth and flex my left arm. ��This is over,�� I whisper. I take exactly one step forward and the world goes dark. Not pitch black, but dark as a summer night. A shroud has filled the sky like the day has just ended and every torch and enchanted light stone in the city has been extinguished. But there are no stars. Just dark. And it��s not the sky. All seven of us freeze as we realize this. The black mantle stops, just where the walls around us end. Whatever this is, it��s cutting us off from the audience. I see no mana. I feel no aura of power. Either this is caused by someone with an aspect like mine, or this is divine magic.

    I relax my grip. This is no longer a fight for an adoring audience. This is something else. Could it be Markus? He did promise to protect me if it looked like I would die, but the timing would be strange for that. Doing this right when I finally pull myself together and rise above my own wallowing. I was obviously just about to fight back, so why would he step in now? It��s also more than a bit conspicuous. Actually, this timing doesn��t make much sense unless the involved sage specifically didn��t want me to win. The moment I realize this, my suspicion is confirmed in the most horrifying way I could imagine.

    I feel the tell tale throbbing of nexus energy trying to control me. Thankfully, even while my grief mana fails to empower me, it still denies external control. Unless I allow or agree with the effects of the nexus magic, it can��t do anything to me directly. It denies external control over me, in any case. The other six combatants aren��t nearly so lucky. The divine mana takes them, and it ruins them. One man rapidly expands, exploding into some fleshy facsimile of a gorilla. Except he lacks skin. His muscles and tendons are on full display, and I can see the entirety of his jaw, now sporting razor sharp teeth. The transformation is sudden and violent. Based on the agonized screams, it is painful as well. And he��s not the only one. The other human man is compressed. Crunched with sickening snaps and spurting blood, until he forms into something like a boar but on the two powerful legs of a rabbit. He is half the size he was a moment ago and the transition wasn��t kind to him.

    The others undergo similar but less drastic changes. The ailur both end up looking something like badly abused panthers while the volu take the form of massive vultures with too many legs. I��m not sure why the humans got unique forms while the others matched each other, but I don��t have time to think about it. I have a familiar and sick feeling rushing through my veins. I have been here before. I have faced this before. The first time I entered the Radiant Woods. Innocent and tortured people, their bodies taken from them, eyes trained on me in desperation. A building tension in the air shatters and suddenly six sources of grief consume me, flooding me with empowered mana. No, this isn��t Markus. This is someone else entirely. Someone I hate far more.

    ��Is this the fucking Collector? Turn them back. I swear to Christ if you don��t turn them back this instant I will peel your skin from your skull when I find you!�� I demand.

    ��The Collector. Am I? I wouldn��t say so, but I suppose that��s a matter of perspective.��

    What��s that supposed to mean? Where is the voice coming from? ��I said change them back!�� I shout.

    ��You want me to change people back. I want you to let go of Sarafyna. Or rather, I want Sarafyna to let go of you.��

    ��Oh fuck you. The fuck does Sara have to do with this?�� I call out.

    ��She. Is. Mine. And you are holding her back.��

    ��She is her own, you fucking douchebag! Do you really think you can control her? She��ll hurt you more than I ever could!�� I retort.

    ��She would, you��re right. She is . . . beautiful that way. Powerful. And you are a weight around her neck. Keeping her weak. Keeping her . . . enslaved. To you. If she could let go of you, she could kill every sage in this world on her own. But she won��t. No matter what I say. No matter what I do. She insists on tying you here. Digging you into the skin of this world like a stubborn splinter, long past your expiration date. That ends here.��

    ��The only thing ending here is you,�� I snarl, ��That is, if you have the balls to show your damn face. If you aren��t too much of a coward.��

    ��A coward. A coward indeed. Missing her precious big brother. Shriveling like a snail under salt. Hurting yourself. Hurting your friends. Hurting my Sarafyna. I��ve been watching you. Coward is exactly the word I would use for your pathetic behavior. You are wasting Sarafyna��s power. You are wasting her on your little tantrum.��

    I take a sharp breath through my nose. I hate when assholes say things that are true. I hate it when creeps are right about me. But that��s through no fault of his. It��s my fault. It��s my own whimpering and wallowing that gave that insult teeth. But I am done with that bullshit. There remain people in this world who deserve pain far more than I. ��Well. Not anymore. Show your face and I guarantee you, I won��t hold anything back,�� I reply.

    ��No time for that, I��m afraid. Spend time with my new friends, instead. Good luck surviving them. They aren��t the petty enemies you were fighting a few moments ago. And they aren��t going to hold back.��

    I want to scream at him. Challenge him again. Nail him to the ground and make him explain everything I don��t understand. But he��s right again. I don��t have time. His newest victims are charging me, and I can read my death in their eyes. But I��m not as weak as the creature they were fighting before either.

 Chapter 27 - Brawl

    Autumn has never been so right in her fucking life. I worry the level of correctness may be terminal. Makes us twins in a way, I guess. There are six victims trapped in . . . whatever this is. All of them in pain. All of them blind with fear and anger. All of them trying to kill me and each other. I have no idea how this barrier blocking our view of the audience works. This is a pretty clear cut attempt on my life, so I can guess it��s meant to block any intervention from Markus. The sage who is specifically invested in me being alive and, quite literally, kicking. But revealing that I can use mana even while cuffed, all while publicly declaring myself the demon queen Lillith . . . well this would be a pretty effective way to get myself killed. If the Collector, or whoever this asshole is, wants me dead, then this could very well be sort of a tic-tac-toe style trap. Damned if I do, damned if I don��t. In other words, I can��t be certain mana is a safe defense. Which means I have to try to fight these people using only mundane means.

    And they remain innocent. Which means I have to do it nonlethally, while protecting them from each other. I am bloody, bruised, and have multiple broken ribs. I didn��t sleep last night, and what I did do has already left my body weary and sore. I am in no shape to fight supernaturally mutated victims while avoiding any damage the infirmary can��t heal. If only someone had warned me that taking all those hits as some kind of sad penance was a shitty idea. If only I had resolved, before entering this arena, to stop indulging in such self-destructive behavior. Alas, I suppose I will never know what would have happened if such things had taken place. Fuck. I always like to think I��m so smart. Shame I��m such a moron.

    My body throbs as the bloodied gorilla closes in on me. I duck below his first blind swing, bobbing to the left of his second. Each time I can feel the wind displacement as his attack passes through the space I��ve just left. He is strong. Probably not as strong as my left arm, but maybe stronger than my right. I can��t take many hits like that on a good day, and it is not a good day. His left fist collides with his right palm, making a hammer he raises over his head to descend back on mine. This time I dodge right, but he follows through with the swing, losing no momentum at all as his fists move toward me. In a rush, I throw myself backward, landing on my hands and awkwardly flipping back to my feet.

    I stumble back several steps, nearly falling on my ass. That was a move pulled off with sheer force and zero technique. Just as I am steadying myself, preparing for a new attack from the gorilla, one of the vultures dives at me. Six sets of talons wrestle each other for a chance at my throat. I hold my right arm up and hear the sickening snapping of claws failing to dig into the steel they find. I catch one of the free legs by his narrow ankle and swing the bird creature into the ground. I don��t want to hurt him, but I can��t let him kill me or any of the others. A quick scan of the area reveals the gorilla is fighting the second vulture, which explains why he hasn��t chased me down yet. It doesn��t look like either is in severe danger of immediate death. All of them seem to be in a blind rage. None are used to their new bodies yet and all seem to be attacking aimlessly and with no particular goal. Just, violence.

    I spot the strange boar man attempting to fight off both panther creatures. One of his hind legs is being torn apart by the tabby while the calico goes for his throat. Fuck. I can��t hesitate. I sprint toward the three with everything I have, throwing myself into the calico with my right shoulder, knocking her away. I take a tusk to my side for the trouble, the boar failing to appreciate my efforts, apparently. I grunt in pain as I roll away. As soon as I am on my back the tabby pounces on me. I catch it with my feet and roll backward, extending my legs as I do to throw him off of me. I use the momentum to then jump up and forward, landing back on my feet. Again I am unstable, the move I��ve stolen from kung fu movies failing to translate gracefully when forced by strength alone.

    I barely get to enjoy my time on my feet, as the calico has recovered and is on me again, claws tearing into my back and teeth nearly sinking into my neck. I twist uncomfortably as we both fall back to the ground, forcing my steel arm into her mouth and punching her in the gut with my left. I have to pull my punches or do more damage than I am willing to live with. I won��t repeat the mistakes of my first visit to the Radiant Woods. I won��t kill someone for being the Collector��s victim. While I��m still trying to shake off the panther, one of the vultures finds us both. It��s on my right and I don��t have a free arm to fight it off. I put all my strength into rolling the cat off of me, but she has my arm in a vise grip. The armor I absolutely can��t take off is giving her something to hang onto. As a result, I roll with her. Now with the panther on her back, my arm stuck between bleeding teeth, and the vulture��s talons finding only dirt, I look up to find the gorilla.

    His fist is swinging down at me like a sledgehammer, and I can��t dodge. I��m forced to use my left arm to block. The impact forces a scream from my lips and blood splatters from my mouth into the fur of my feline opponent. Rather than going for another swing, the gorilla simply pushes hard. I may be stronger with that arm, but I am exhausted and he has far better leverage from his position. Sweat drips from me in waves as I try to push back. Below me I am wrestling to keep the cat in place. Above me I am struggling to hold up a force that wants to crush us both. Talons tear into my back, most hitting chainmail while a few cut shallow streaks into my back. Teeth sink into my left leg and my shattered ribs protest the strength I am exerting. I hear the screeching of the second vulture approaching and the boar is charging its tusks into the calico��s side.

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    I can��t do it. I tried, but I can��t save both myself and these people. Not with strength alone. I have to take the risk. I have to use magic. It��s that, or all of us die here. So I do it. I explode with force mana, trying to send every victim around me flying and force them to the ground. But even as I give up, even as I take the risk, shrieking through half a dozen sources of pain, my mana evaporates before it manages to touch any of them. Shit. He gave them back their grief. I��d thought his magic just overwrote the power taking it away, as stronger Nexus energy always does. But there was an intent behind it. I can��t use people��s grief as a weapon against them. I can only use it for them.

    I close my teeth, redirecting my mana to reinforce my muscles and skin. I start cycling mana between steel and tumor as I did last night, increasing my strength as much as I can. It is agonizing, but it is working. Tearing and healing my muscles again and again, I manage to move my left hand, grabbing the gorilla''s fist with my hand and redirecting it. All his force collides with the ground. As soon as I am free from that threat I twist to my left so my back hits the floor beside the calico. I force her head to the ground with my still trapped arm while I kick the tabby in the head with my right foot, dazing him and loosening his jaw enough to free my other leg. I catch the boar by the tusk with my now free left hand and force his head to the ground. Without a moment��s hesitation, I wrap my leg around the tabby��s throat and squeeze. He struggles as I cut off his air supply.

    Meanwhile, the gorilla has recovered. Despite both vultures focusing on him and cutting deep gashes into his face and shoulder, he is swinging both fists down again, trying to crush the calico. My lower back is lifted from the ground by the struggling tabby. Only my shoulder blades still make contact, and both my hands are controlling one of the other victims. I have to let go of the boar, digging my half finished claws into the bloody ground beside me. I use this as leverage to yank myself to the side, pulling the calico with me and narrowly avoiding her head being crushed beneath the gorilla��s fists. I grip the dirt harder, pulling up this time and extracting a chunk of the stone ground. I throw it at the gorilla��s face, dazing and blinding him for a moment. My claws are split and broken, not yet formed enough for what I just forced them to do.

    Nonetheless, I wrap my bleeding fingertips around the boar��s tusk again, just as he is recovering himself enough to attack. I try to force his head down again but the increasing desperation of the air deprived tabby yanks me back and forth too unpredictably. Instead, I simply try to vault him as far as I can away from the group. With my increased strength I swing too hard, and his poorly designed tusk rips free from its face. He flies through the air too early, colliding with one of the vultures and freeing the gorilla��s attention a bit. I take a sharp, painful breath to my ribcage��s chagrin, as I worry I��ve just killed him. But both victims land and begin fighting each other, allowing me to refocus on the struggle at hand. The gorilla grabs the other vulture, furiously throwing him down at my face. I drop the tusk and manage to block any severe damage but a talon stabs straight through my hand. I wrap my fingers around his leg anyway, grimacing through the damage his other talons do to my arm.

    Finally, the tabby goes limp and I release his unconscious body, my own falling painfully to the ground. It nearly knocks the breath out of me, but I don��t lose focus. With my legs back, I plant my feet and, using every muscle in my body, do a sit up and pull the calico away from a stomp by the gorilla. I swing my left fist, vulture and all into the calico��s head, punching her twice as talons tear into her skin. Finally, her jaw loosens and I pull my arm free. I use it to grab the vulture, pulling him out of my left hand with a stinging pain and throwing him in the opposite direction of the boar. I grab the dazed panther by the scruff of his neck, using both arms to swing her into the air and a few feet away from the fight.

    Just as I do, a massive fleshy hand collides with my chest, forcing me to the ground. The gorilla, while slow, has finally landed a hit. I feel my sternum cracking and cough more blood onto his steaming hand. He leans into me, pressing me into the dirt as his nostrils flare in fury. Darkness edges into my vision. I reach my right arm out and search the ground with my right hand. The gorilla releases the pressure on me for a brief moment, only to collapse onto me with even more force. The crack widens and hot tears mix with blood on my face. Again I search until I find it. The overly long tusk of the boar. I wrap steel fingers around it, lifting it with a shaking arm and driving it deep into the gorilla��s hand, causing an animalistic screech to ring out through the arena. His arm recoils from me, allowing me to regain my feet. All the victims but the tabby are recovering now, and I have to start all over. I spit blood into the dirt and prepare to go back into the hectic fight.

    Before I get the chance, however, the ceiling of darkness evaporates, and four men hover over the arena, looking down on me. The moment this happens, the five remaining victims collapse. I desperately want to join them, but if I lose consciousness here, they��ll find my steel limbs. So, instead, I turn in place, examining the stunned crowd. As I see my illusion still in the sky, I realize that the entire fight must have been broadcast. I can only think of one thing to do. I hold a tired fist up in a sign of victory while the rest of my body sags.

 Chapter 28 - Momentos

    It took four sages to break through the Collector��s power and end the fight. I��m choosing to think of him as the Collector anyway, whatever he says. His abilities and actions are close enough to the Radiant Woods, which I am all but certain is related to Potestia��s asshole god. So for now, whoever fucked that fight up gets to wear the name. Especially since he was powerful enough that, again, it took four sages to overpower his will. When the fight ended, none of the four descended on me with righteous vengeance in their eyes, ready to execute Lillith, the actual demon queen. So that��s a good sign. Instead, I was escorted to the infirmary to heal again, as with every other fight. It seems to take ages, and I��m still dazed by the pain.

    Most injuries seem to heal without a scar, surpassing both my manual attempts at healing and Sarafyna��s magic. I wonder why that is. Nevertheless, it does take some time before my bones are all back in place, my bruises are gone, and my blood exists in the appropriate quantity for a sweet young lady like me. I let out a relieved sigh as the blurred world slowly retakes its shape, crystal clear detail revealing a mostly empty infirmary. A few other beds are taken, and I find myself next to Bahamut again.

    ��Why do you heal so slow?�� she asks. I shrug.

    ��You know how some people are so lucky you have to assume some god has taken a special interest and is looking out for them?�� I ask. She grunts.

    ��There��s no such thing as a god,�� she dismisses.

    ��How about colloquialisms, are there such things as those?�� I quip. She gives me a flat stare.

    ��Fine. I know what you mean, what about them?�� she finally answers.

    ��Well, I��m not one of them,�� I say. ��Nexus energy heals me with the furious speed of old molasses.�� Again she gives me a flat stare.

    ��I see why you wanted me to entertain your metaphor. What a payoff,�� she intones. Alright, fair enough.

    ��I��m charming that way,�� I say. She snorts.

    ��Are you now? Guess I��m one of the few with immunity, then. I find little charm in idiocy,�� she replies.

    ��Well that��s just not very nice,�� I pout. ��I��m smarter than I look, everyone says so.��

    She actually laughs at that, if only as a knee jerk reaction. It is . . . not a friendly laugh. ��I saw your fight, oh demon queen. They let us watch other Gladiators sometimes, so we know how to react to them. Makes the fights more interesting. And you. Well, I thought you were an idiot when you came here voluntarily. Then I thought you were just shit at this, which made you an even bigger moron. The hits you took made no sense. They were slow. You should have seen them coming. Anyone who Markus was throwing six gladiators at should have had the reaction speed to avoid them. But you didn��t. You looked like you were in over your head,�� she says. It��s a fair evaluation.

    ��I usually am,�� I joke as I look around the room. Something is bothering me and I can��t put my finger on it. I only have one ear on the other woman as she reminds me of what a fucking tool I looked like out there. Not exactly a complex analysis, and I am more concerned with how much the sages saw.

    ��No,�� she challenges, ��You��re not. That became clear when the fight changed. I don��t know what happened out there. I don��t know why, and I don��t know what people are saying about it. But I saw how you changed. Your inexplicable strength. Your reaction times. All seven of you transformed into entirely different beasts, but you were the only one who chose to. Which means you took those first hits on purpose. Then, you fought with your life on the line, not just to win, but to stop your opponents from killing each other. Maybe the second one just makes you a na?ve fool, but the first makes you an idiot.��

    Alright, maybe it is a slightly deeper evaluation than I thought. ��Yeah okay, I��m an idiot. That��s fair,�� I concede. Then I realize the problem as I consider the final thing she said. ��Are there other infirmaries?�� It would make sense if there were. Could get dicey if you threw the winner and loser of a fight together. Although, that��s exactly what they have done every other time I��ve fought.

    ��Just this one. We rarely have enough survivors on both sides to need two,�� Bahamut answers. I freeze.

    ��Then where are the others? As you noted, I went to great pains to keep them alive. Don��t tell me they died as soon as the fight ended, did they?�� I ask in horror. It would make sense, I suppose. I didn��t want to consider it, but victims of the Collector can��t survive without him. It��s by design. Without his power, they die. It��s one of the cruelest aspects of his control over them. He sends them around his little forest, never letting them escape, mutilating them further and further, and keeping them alive through the sheer force of his will. He takes their life and refuses to let them die. Until it��s convenient for him, of course. And if his power was overwhelmed by the other sages, then his newest victims . . .

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    ��Ah, and there is the na?ve fool,�� Bahamut laments. ��No, the other gladiators didn��t die. Markus took them. He always does, when they are injured too severely to heal but are still alive. And I��d call that too injured to heal.�� What? What does he want with them? Nothing good comes to mind as I race through the possible uses he could have for the mutated gladiators. Nexus energy rarely has anything good in store for anyone.

    ��Where? Where did he take them?�� I plead. She looks down at the cuffs around her wrists then at the guards at the door.

    ��They don��t let me wander around much. How am I supposed to know? He takes them and they never show up again. That��s the best I can tell you,�� she replies. Right. I am the only person in here who isn��t a slave. Fucking hell. I need to change that, sooner rather than later. Today accelerated the timeline in this arena. I just need to find out how much. They healed me, that��s a good sign. But if I am vulnerable to another attack like that every time I enter the arena, I can��t keep risking it. Especially since my opponents were used as weapons against me. Whatever ends up happening to them, it��s because they fought me.

    ��Thanks. I appreciate it, I really do,�� I say. Bahamut stops picking at the healing cut on her arm and waves me off.

    ��It doesn��t make a difference to me,�� she replies. ��I just wanted to tell you to stop being a moron.��

    ��Well it��s appreciated all the same, uh, what��s your real name?�� I ask as I tighten the armor on my right arm. I need to confront Markus, and while he likely has a clue or two about me, I don��t need to make his guesses any easier for him than they already are.

    ��What��s yours? ��Cordelia��? Doesn��t ring true to me,�� she retorts. That��s a tough question to answer, and a moment��s hesitation is all she needs to brush me off. ��Right. Let��s not find out, either of us. It��ll make it easier when they make us kill each other.��

    Her words have a bitter taste and they prick at my ears, but as I finish making sure my armor is in place, I have no time to challenge her. Maybe she��ll tell me when I break out of here. For now, I need to make sure more people don��t pay the price of my presence. I run past the guard, there to keep everyone but me from fleeing. The colosseum has more twists and turns than I��d expect from a perfectly round building, but I guess I��ve never been to the one back on Earth. I never even went to a stadium, now that I think of it. Still, I remember the way to Markus�� home. I made sure to remember.

    I rush past concerned workers and guards alike, taking turn after turn to get to my destination as quickly as possible. It��s already been too long. I can��t feel grief anywhere, except the one source I have been tracking since I came to this country. Autumn. Which means I can��t use it to track the six gladiators I fought. One thought keeps running through my head. Why did he come after me when he did? Why then, at that moment? The gladiators aren��t the only people I spend time around. The Collector could have turned anyone around me at any time. That ambush could have happened anywhere. When I wasn��t being directly watched by a sage. It��s possible he wanted to trap me into revealing myself. Something I did, in fact, do. Something which may have fucked me, as far as I know. It��s possible he wanted me to have fewer options.

    But it doesn��t ring true. If I��d run around saving bystanders from monsters using only temporarily powerful grief mana, it could have been even worse than what did happen. He did what he did when there would be no bystanders and I could fight them on my own. Sure, he did it when there would be the largest number of witnesses, but they would be witnesses expecting a spectacle, to whom the absurd events could be explained. So why make his move when he did? Well, that��s a simple enough question to answer. Painfully simple. Because the moment he attacked was right after I started fighting back. That��s the most damning evidence against me. He chose to hurt these people because I had let myself get hurt first. Because I had taken the hits and the breaks and the abuse and I would be the least prepared to fight back. He attacked at my weakest moment. This happened because of my selfishness.

    Which means I have to stop it from getting any worse. Autumn was right to yell at me. I need to be an iron fortress. I cannot indulge in this pettiness anymore. I have to lock that part of me away. Push it deep into the dark where it belongs. Where it can suffocate and never be seen again. Where I can make it invisible. As I do just that in my mind��s eye, I finally make it to the strangely residential door of Markus�� home. I pound my left fist on the door as gently as I can in my current emotional state. As gently as I can is not very gentle, apparently. The sound of gloves against wood is typically muffled, but this still rings through the halls. I wait for ten agonizing breaths. There is no response. I will wait no longer, and I grab the lever handle and push it down.

    It opens easily, despite the cracking sound I hear. We��ll just call that unlocked, how about? I push my way in, only to find the home abandoned. I don��t know where Markus is, but it isn��t here. Probably talking to the sages he��d called for help earlier. I imagine they have a good deal to talk about, what with the fight they just witnessed. I��m not even sure it will all be about me. I can��t imagine they are terribly pleased with the friend who came to visit me mid match either. I am about to turn around and go searching for him when something catches my eye. The room is dark so I can��t make much out. It could be the type of illusion darkness is always generous with. It could also be real.

    I summon light mana easily enough, illuminating the room in an instant. It was no trick of the light. The carpet is stained all over. Stained with blood and filth. Like an injured animal, or several, were dragged through the room. Through the room and to the heavy curtains on the opposite side. Anxiety falls on me like a heavy rain as I follow the stains to the window. There is something wrong with that fucking window. Something dark. I can feel it. The gladiators I fought are on the other side. They have to be. My fingers curl around one curtain and I take a deep breath. I am afraid to see the state they are in. Terrified to see the results of my presence on innocent lives. But I need to look, and I pull the curtain to the side.

    I stare for a moment, then blink. I rub my eyes and look again. I don��t get it. At first I think I am looking at, well, nothing. Just darkness. But as I shine light mana into it, it reflects back at me. Like it��s hitting a surface. A stone. A massive, obsidian stone, exactly like the ones supporting the border. What the hell?

    ��It��s rude to poke your nose around other people��s homes without permission,�� Markus says.