《When the Heart Can’t Be Trusted》 Prologue "Im too broken to be happy. You cant fix whats been done to me. You cant glue a shattered vase back together and expect it to look and function the same as it did before the fateful moment," I said, staring at him through a veil of tears. His eyes wandered over my flushed face, filled with such deep worry that it made my heart ache. "I can prove you wrong! Give me a chance to show you that you deserve all this¡ªyou deserve the very best! I can put all the pieces back together, I promise. Just trust me, trust your heart," he said, his voice filled with helplessness, as he extended his hand toward me, as if afraid to touch me. I stood still, feeling tears burn hot trails down my cheeks. He cautiously stepped closer and gently touched my face, his long fingers brushing away the wet streaks. "Adele, please, just give me a chance, and Ill show you that the world around you can be different. Ill do everything to protect you and surround you with care," he pleaded. For a moment, I stood frozen, unable to pull away from his touch. But the distrust and fear rooted deeply in my soul wouldnt let go; I couldnt trust anyone¡ªnot even myself. Abruptly stepping back, I looked at him with despair. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. "Im sorry, its too late," I said, turning away and trying to take a step to run from him and save myself. But my legs refused to move. I felt them sinking into something viscous under my soles. A sharp, hoarse scream from Michael made my heart stop; I couldnt even hear it beating anymore. Fear gripped me. I had to summon all my strength just to turn my head and witness what would forever remain the most horrifying moment of my life. Blood streamed from Michaels mouth. He tried to say something, but all I could hear were gurgling sounds. Warm, sticky liquid began to flow over my hands, and as I looked down, I saw it spreading everywhere. My hands and feet were drenched in bright crimson. The realization hit me all too quickly¡ªit was blood, and it was mine! A chill ran through my body, plunging my consciousness into darkness that enveloped me, offering long-awaited peace. Betrayal in the Shadows "What the hell... What time is it?" I glance quickly at the vibrating phone, and anger immediately begins to boil inside me. Without warning, I grab the phone in one swift motion, my fingers barely responding. The loud ringtone tears through my groggy mind. "Three in the morning. When will this end?" I mutter aloud, not realizing Im speaking, but forcing myself to calm down and answer the call. "Natalie, whats wrong? Are you okay?" I ask, trying to shout over the blaring music in the background that stuns me for a moment but quickly pulls me into full alertness. Rubbing my temples, I prop myself up on one elbow, glancing out the window at the still-sleeping city. "Adeeelle! Woooohooo! Its so much fun here! Come join us, everyones here!" Natalies drunken shouting blasts into my ear, making me hold the phone farther away to catch my breath and muster the last drops of patience. Drunk again, at the club again, and, of course, another late-night call. "Where are you? Are you okay?" I shout into the phone, trying to grab her attention. Sitting up in bed, I rub my eyes. "Two more tequila shots!" she yells, likely addressing the bartender and completely ignoring my question. "Are you kidding me?" My attempts to contain my anger fail, and I start to boil over. My question gets lost again in the hum of club music, and it seems Natalie has no intention of paying attention to me. "Im hanging up right now!" "Oh, come on, dont be such a buzzkill! Come over here, its so much fun, have a drink with me!" she yells into the phone again. "Im so tired of your antics! How much longer can this go on? Youre destroying yourself, and dragging me down with you! Do you think youre the only one struggling? Im barely holding it together, but you dont even let yourself try!" The words spill from my mouth faster than I can stop them. Exhaling, I try to suppress the flow of emotional, thoughtless words I know Ill regret later. "Maybe this is how Im coping," she shouts back after a moment, and I hear a sob in her voice. Taking a deep breath, I realize I have no right to judge her. I should have stayed silent. "Where are you now?" I ask, much calmer this time. "Spirit," she replies just as calmly. "Ill be there in half an hour. Please, try not to get into any trouble before I arrive," I say, pulling on my jeans and ending the call. When will things return to normal? Although, come to think of it, is that even possible? Things will never be the same again. The cold wind brushes against my face, seeping under my collar. I shiver, feeling the chill seep into my bones. I cant even understand why I keep doing this. Spotting two taxis on the main street, I feel momentary relief, as if they are a refuge from the biting cold of the night. "Good evening. To the Spirit club, please," I say tiredly as I get into the back seat. My voice sounds lifeless, as if all my strength has been drained just getting here. Isnt it a bit late for this?¡± the taxi driver asks with misplaced audacity. What business is it of his? Of course, its late. Far too late for all of this. Mm,¡± I reply curtly. I have neither the energy nor the desire to argue. Let him think what he wants. The streets are completely empty, the city bathed in the soft, cold glow of streetlights. Youd think such quiet moments might be calming, but they only underscore just how exhausted I am by this endless nighttime circus. Cold air seeps into the car through a slightly open window, making me shiver again. Maybe I shouldve stayed home? But no. If I dont do this, who will? We have no one else to rely on anymore. Were here,¡± the driver announces abruptly, slamming on the brakes 15 minutes later in front of the club. Bright lights blind me, music pounds so loud that the vibrations echo in my chest, and the entire scene makes me feel nauseous. I dont want to be here, but I have to. Again. Its just another meaningless routine. Tossing the driver some cash, I quickly make my way to the entrance. Youre not getting in dressed like that!¡± A bald, hulking figure in a black blazer suddenly blocks my path, his arm barring the way. Why are guys like him always so cocky? He smirks, clearly reveling in his perceived authority. Im not here to party. Im here to get my sister,¡± I say firmly, trying to ignore the sheer size of the bouncer. But inside, fear coils tightly in my chest. My hands betray me, trembling slightly. I dont care! Youre not coming in dressed like that,¡± he says, raising an eyebrow and stepping forward, effectively sealing off the door. Predictable. And yet, that predictability doesnt make it any less infuriating when it gets in the way. Fine! Then bring her out here!¡± I snap, not even sure what Im hoping for. Unsurprisingly, he scoffs and shakes his head. How am I supposed to get her out? Ive been here before, and they always let me in,¡± I mutter, already realizing how pointless this is. I dont care,¡± he repeats, lifting his chin and averting his gaze as if Ive ceased to exist. To him, Im nothing more than background noise he can ignore. Seriously, whats wrong with you? I just need five minutes to grab my drunken sister, and then Ill leave,¡± I step closer, trying to sound resolute, though I can hear the weakness in my own voice. Its like one of those endless dreams where you scream but no one hears you. You deaf or just pretending to be? I said it already¡ªyoure not getting in dressed like that! Not my rule!¡± he barks, stepping aside momentarily to let a couple pass before waving me off dismissively. For Gods sake!¡± I growl under my breath, veering off toward the clubs parking lot. Rage simmers beneath my skin, and as I struggle to steady my trembling hands, I pull out my phone and call Natalie. Predictably, she doesnt answer. Why am I even surprised? It feels like the whole world is against me tonight. Why the hell am I even here?!¡± I exclaim, letting my frustration spill out into the cold darkness of the parking lot. Is everything okay?¡± a mans voice suddenly calls out from behind me, and I flinch. A dark figure slowly approaches, his movements deliberate. Panic grips me, and I glance around, quickly calculating possible escape routes. Im fine,¡± I say sharply, stepping back instinctively as my heart pounds in my chest. Holding my breath, I try to mask my unease, as though that will somehow help. Who were you yelling at?¡± he asks, his tone calm, almost curious. He tilts his head slightly, taking a drag from his cigarette. The smoke trails lazily into the air before he exhales through his nose without flinching. Why does he care? What difference does it make to him? At myself,¡± I reply, squinting against the harsh light behind him, trying to make out his face. Dont you think thats a little strange?¡± he asks, a corner of his mouth lifting in a half-smile, as though he knows something I dont. And you dont?¡± I retort, turning to walk in the opposite direction, making it clear I dont want to continue this conversation. Not at all!¡± he says after a brief pause, clearly deciding to prolong the interaction. What happened? Maybe I can help.¡± Oh, please. What do you want?¡± I snap, spinning around to face him. This time, I dont bother hiding my distrust. I told you, to help,¡± he replies, unfazed, taking another drag from his cigarette. His calm demeanor only irritates me further. Why?¡± I ask, baffled by his nonchalance. Because I can,¡± he says with a shrug, as if its the most natural thing in the world. For Gods sake, how ridiculous,¡± I mutter with a heavy sigh, trying to compose myself. But the truth is, I have no other options. I cant just leave Natalie inside and walk away. Fine. I need to get inside and fetch my drunk sister, but that thick-headed bouncer wont let me in because Im dressed like this,¡± I explain, gesturing at my outfit with more frustration than necessary. I know my irritation is less about the bouncer and more about the fact that my life has become one big disappointment. That, I can definitely help with,¡± he says confidently, raising an eyebrow slightly. How?¡± I ask, staring at him in disbelief. My brother owns this club,¡± he smirks mischievously, pointing at the building behind him. Then, flicking his half-smoked cigarette to the ground, he extends a hand toward me. Come on, Ill get you in.¡± Before I fully realize what Im doing, I take his hand and follow him without resistance. Donley, this girl is with me. Remember her face, and next time, even if shes wearing a trash bag, let her through, understood?¡± His voice is confident, and I can see the guards expression change. The brute eyes me intently, raising an eyebrow, then nods and steps aside, allowing us through. Got it, sir,¡± the bald fool replies, sounding like a little puppy. The entrance door lights up the guys face. His lips spread into a smile as he turns to me, but his eyes¡­ theres so much in them: sadness, despair, alcohol, and something else I cant quite identify. After we walk through the corridor, he lets go of my hand. Do you believe me now? I told you I could help,¡± he smiles again, but his eyes remain melancholic. Why does that smile seem so fake? But that shouldnt concern me. Thank you. What do I owe you for your help?¡± I ask too quietly, still staring into his eyes. Nothing! I know how troublesome siblings can be. Good luck with your search!¡± He salutes me and suddenly turns away, walking off. The music blasts so loudly that my eardrums pulse as soon as I step onto the dance floor. At the bar, a crowd is gathered, shouting and elbowing each other. Her long white hair, tied in a tight ponytail, immediately helps me spot Natalie. Shes at the bar, talking to some drunk guy whos definitely taking liberties. Natalie!¡± I pull her sharply away from the bar and turn her toward me. Ohhh, Adele!¡± She immediately throws herself at me and hugs me, and I feel all the tension drain away, the worry for her disappearing. You finally made it! Lets have a drink?¡± She screams in my ear, and I immediately catch the sharp scent of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke. No! I need to be at the office tomorrow. Well, today, actually,¡± I push her away to breathe in whatever fresh air there is in this place. How boring, ugh!¡± Natalie looks at me with clear disdain. Its the first time Ive seen her look at me like that. Lets go!¡± I pull her by the hand, scanning the crowd for an exit. Why does everything always turn into a struggle when I try to save her? Its like shes deliberately trying to harm herself, and Im forced to fight back, even when shes asking for help. Noo,¡± Natalie whines like a child, I want to keep dancing. Just look at all these handsome guys.¡± Are you doing this on purpose? Always pushing me to the edge? Let me remind you, youve got Patrick,¡± I say tiredly through clenched teeth. So what? He wont find out.¡± Natalie yanks herself out of my grip, spins around, and, trying to walk away, crashes into a guy standing behind her. Seriously? Barely managing to stay on her feet, she grabs him and hangs on. The guy wastes no time, dropping his hands onto her behind and pulling her closer. Hey! Are you out of your mind?¡± I shout, trying to pry his hands off of Natalie. He gives me a haughty look, but ignoring him, I continue tugging Natalie toward me. I said, get your hands off!¡± In an instant, he lets go of Natalie and pulls me to him instead. His hands slide over my waist, grossly, and immediately drop down to my backside, gripping me as deeply as possible, moving dangerously close to my crotch. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. Get your hands off me, you idiot!¡± I scream, struggling to break free from his strong hold. In response, he smirks, and the sharp stench of alcohol, with a bitter aftertaste, hits my nose. My heart tightens with fear¡ªhis gaze is clouded, tense, and its clear hes not just drunk. I glance around, hoping for help, but Natalie is just standing aside, giggling. Whats going on? Why is she acting so strangely? You like this? Huh? Youre feisty! Im all for it, love girls like you!¡± His hand squeezes my behind, the other sliding over my chest, loosening and tightening around it. Lets have some fun, Im already hard!¡± I said, get your hands off me, jerk!¡± I yell, kicking harder. Confusion and anxiety start building inside me, and I realize that my body is stiffening, unable to resist anymore. I need to do something, urgently. In a panic, I jerk forward and bite down on his ear, clenching my jaw so hard that a metallic taste fills my mouth. Surprised, he pulls his hands away and starts yelling. You! Bitch! You bit my ear!¡± Go to hell!¡± I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and glance around for Natalie, hoping to escape this nightmare. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the psycho taking a few swift steps toward me. Youre dead! Youll regret this, bitch!¡± He swings his fist. I barely manage to dodge, moving sideways. The second blow follows immediately. Thats when someone grabs his arm. The idiot spins around to see who dared to stop him. A fight breaks out¡ªblows fly one after another. I stand frozen, as if my legs are glued to the floor. Fear paralyzes me, squeezing my chest in a cold grip. Everything happening around me feels like its in slow motion: flashes of fury on faces, tense bodies, dull thuds. Wheres the security? Two strong guys in black T-shirts jump out of the crowd, clearly bouncers. But as soon as they spot whos turning the bar into a wreck, its like they lose all their energy. Their resolve evaporates before my eyes. Why arent they stepping in? What the hell is going on here?! Amid the chaos, I hear shouting, and it dawns on me that the guy who brought me here and his brother are involved in the fight. The bastard who groped me¡ªthats the club owner?! I watch as the creep lands blow after blow, aiming for the face of my new acquaintance. He doesnt hold back, but it looks like his strikes are a bit gentler, as though hes not trying to seriously hurt him. The punches keep coming, both men taking hits to their faces, unable to dodge. Their faces are already covered in blood, but neither one shows signs of stopping. Not knowing whats driving me, I grab a glass from the bar and, with a swing, smash it right over the jerks head. The impact causes him to lose his balance, and he slumps to the floor, clutching his head as if trying to muffle the pain. In silence, all eyes in the room, from the bartender to the onlookers, shift toward me. Even my new acquaintance, who was just in the thick of it, pauses for a moment, turning toward me. He raises his eyebrows in surprise, but theres no anger in his eyes. Take him to the VIP room!¡± the brunette commands, pointing to his brother for the guards. His voice is cold, sharp, like the edge of a knife, cutting through the silence that has fallen. And tell Steve to treat his wounds.¡± The bouncers nod quickly and obey calmly, as though this situation is so routine for them that it doesnt even raise the slightest surprise. Inside me, everything tightens from fear and exhaustion, but I try to keep myself together. I mustnt let them see how badly Im trembling. Youll pay for this, bitch! Youre gonna die!¡± The jerk yells, barely coming back to his senses. His words are like poison, sinking under my skin and making my heart beat faster. Shut up, Alec. You wont lay a finger on her!¡± My savior says it with such quiet confidence that I cant help but believe every word. This is the second time tonight that hes standing up for me. I feel like I owe him now. Whats everyone staring at? The shows over, youre all free to go!¡± He waves his hand at the crowd, and the music starts up again, as if nothing happened. Are you okay?¡± His voice pulls me back to reality. He looks at me with concern, trying to stop the blood thats running down from my brow and into my right eye. Yeah,¡± I nod more than speak, the words getting caught in my throat, as if Im afraid that if I say too much, Ill start crying. And you?¡± I gesture at his split eyebrow and lip. He looks like pain is a constant companion for him. That look¡­ it makes me feel weak. Im fine. Im used to it,¡± he frowns, as if this is something not worth talking about. Can I help? At least clean your wounds¡­¡± I almost beg, feeling an overwhelming need to do something for him, like its my way of regaining some control in this chaos. I step closer, trying to catch his gaze, but he looks somewhere else, tense and almost frozen. For a moment, it seems like hell refuse, but then, with a barely noticeable nod, he agrees. In that moment, I see his armor crack slightly, revealing something fragile and vulnerable beneath. I quickly scan the room and spot Natalie. As if nothing happened, shes sitting at the bar, flirting with another guy. Her laughter echoes in my soul like a painful reminder. This person no longer resembles my sister. We used to be so close, but now I see a stranger in front of me. How did it come to this? I sigh heavily and look away from her. Wheres the bathroom?¡± I ask, trying to make my voice sound firm, despite the tremor in my hands. I need to do something to shake off this helpless feeling, to regain a sense of control, if only for a moment. Over there!¡± he says, pointing to a dark corridor with neon lighting. I follow him, trying not to get too close but also not fall behind. In the bathroom, I find some tissues and dampen them with water. The guy, looking drained, slowly slides his back down the wall and sits down on the floor. I gently touch his eyebrow with my finger to find the wound and notice how his face tenses. I can see him holding back the pain, but it still seeps through every movement, every glance. Now, Im going to clean the wound, it will hurt,¡± I say, bringing the damp tissue closer to his face. He just nods in response and shuts his eyes. I try to be as gentle as possible, but every time I touch his skin, he flinches. I can feel his tension, and it only makes me more nervous. Thank you,¡± I unexpectedly say aloud, my voice softer than I expected. Suddenly, were interrupted by an annoyed voice from a woman standing in the doorway: This is the ladiesroom!¡± She clings to the door, trying not to fall. Close the door from the other side!¡± I say sharply, surprised by my own firmness. She snorts but, not wanting to argue, slams the door. I feel irritation rising inside me but quickly squash it. Wow! Youre so bossy. Though, at this point, Im not surprised by anything after everything thats happened,¡± he smirks, looking down. You dont need to thank me. This shouldnt have happened,¡± he adds after a brief pause. I should be apologizing for my brother. Like I said, sometimes its really hard with siblings.¡± I just nod in response, feeling words stick in my throat. Your eyes¡­ They remind me of someone,¡± he says suddenly, with clear interest, as if trying to decipher something in my gaze. Who?¡± I pull my hands away from his face, meeting his intense look. One of his eyes is bloodshot from the hit, and the sight fills me with an inexplicable sense of pity. Someone I loved very much,¡± he says, smiling sadly. And still love. I dont understand why people say lovedin the past tense when talking about the deceased. Our love for them doesnt disappear just because theyre gone,¡± a flicker of pain crosses his eyes, and he closes them, running a hand through his hair, slightly messing it up, trying to hide his emotions and put the familiar calm back on his face. I agree,¡± I nod briefly. Does it hurt?¡± He winces again as I start cleaning his lip. Not as much as Id like it to,¡± he says, touching his chest with his hand, before his fingers lightly brush my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. Is this your blood?¡± No.¡± He simply nods in response. After a brief silence, I decide to continue: Time should help heal the wounds¡ªboth the external ones and the internal ones.¡± After thinking for a moment, I add, I believe in that. Otherwise, wed all drown in our grief.¡± I almost feel like Im saying this to myself, trying to convince myself that hope still exists, that everything isnt lost, and that time really can heal. Im not so sure about that anymore,¡± he says sadly, looking down at his hands. Because Ive gotten lost, in the most literal sense. The pains been here for too long. I think some wounds cant be healed, especially the ones you inflict on yourself,¡± theres a heaviness in his voice, as if hes been carrying this burden for a long time. One must learn to forgive oneself. Otherwise, life turns into an endless darkness that will consume everything, even the good things that could have been and still will be,¡± I try to encourage him, though I feel how empty my words sound, as if I doubt their truth myself. You dont know what Ive done,¡± he suddenly looks up, letting out a hoarse laugh, but his dark blue eyes¡ªlike a stormy sky¡ªare filled with pain. Did you do it on purpose?¡± I ask, feeling a bit flustered by his intense gaze, stepping back. Of course not!¡± Fury flares up in his eyes, replacing the confusion. Then you should try to accept it and forgive yourself,¡± I say more quietly than I intended, realizing that these words were meant for me as well. How did I end up having a therapy session, sitting on the cold tile in a ladiesroom after stepping out for a smoke?¡± he says with a smirk, but winces from the pain in his lip. Maybe this meeting was meant for both of us,¡± I quietly reply, gazing at his face. The wounds are cleaned now, and I can leave, retrieve Natalie, and finally head home. Maybe Ill even manage to take a quick nap. Its done. You should apply some ice, and I need to go. I hope youll handle all of this,¡± I say, rising to my feet, taking a step toward the door. But an inexplicable feeling makes me stop and turn around. Theres something about this guy that draws me in, even though Im not ready to admit it to myself. My father always told me that everyone has something in this world they are absolutely not proud of. And its very important to learn to love yourself, even knowing that youre not perfect, just like everyone else in this world. Sometimes wed do this¡­ trick. Id close my eyes and imagine walking into my childhood room, approaching my younger self, and saying everything I wished Id heard from adults and parents back then. And also forgiving that little girl for all the mistakes she would still make. The most important thing is to understand that the adult we so desperately need, the one whose forgiveness we wait for, is actually ourselves. And you know, it always worked. I could forgive that little girl for everything and try to protect her from all the things she would have to go through, telling her how truly wonderful she was.¡± I quickly blink, trying to push away the image of my father that has appeared right in front of my eyes. The guy silently watches me, as though he cant believe what hes hearing. Now you seem even more unreal!¡± he says, eyeing me from head to toe. And your dad seems like an amazing guy, judging by what you just said.¡± Yes, my dad is¡­¡± I stop, tilting my head back, trying to suppress the tears that are welling up. Everything inside me tightens, and I force myself not to give in to this feeling. I have to go. But still, thank you, and take care of yourself.¡± You too,¡± he waves his hand, giving me another salute, then turns his gaze thoughtfully toward the wall, clearly lost in his thoughts. I head back to the bar, and immediately spot Natalie sitting next to Patrick. I walk quickly toward them, feeling the tension building inside me. To my surprise, Patrick, glancing at me over Natalies shoulder, meets my gaze with a wide smile. This unexpected gesture makes me pause for a moment. Usually, his gaze is cold, full of undisguised hatred, as if my very existence inconveniences him. Ive never understood what I did to deserve this treatment. Patrick has always treated me with sarcastic disdain, as though Im not worth his time or attention. Then again, I never found the time or desire to dwell on it. His opinion of me mattered less than anything else, just background noise that you get used to and stop noticing. Whatever he thought of me was his problem, not mine. Adele, Im so glad to see you!¡± Patrick spreads his arms in a welcoming gesture. I ignore him and walk straight toward Natalie. Are you coming or staying here?¡± Youre leaving? I thought you were having fun!¡± Natalies gaze becomes more focused, but she looks nervous. Having fun? I was just groped by a drunken jerk while trying to protect you! And you didnt lift a finger to help me!¡± The words spill out in fury. Whoa, girls, whats going on here without me?¡± Patrick interjects. Get lost!¡± I snap at him. So, are you coming or not? Im not staying here any longer!¡± I look directly at Natalie. Drink some water, I got you one. Youve got blood on your lips,¡± instead of answering, Natalie hands me a glass of soda. Im so angry I could explode, but my throat is dry, and the taste of blood on my tongue wont leave. Do what you want, Im leaving,¡± I say, downing the glass in one go. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and turn sharply toward the exit, not wanting to stay there for another second. Suddenly, Patrick grabs me and hugs me, leaving me confused by his unexpected gesture. What the hell are you doing?¡± I push him away. Im just thankful that youre helping Natalie while Im not around,¡± he smirks. His words sound insincere, and I dont believe a word of it. Mhm,¡± I turn and start walking toward the exit again. But suddenly, my legs turn to jelly, and the walls of the bar, like everything around me, start spinning, as if in slow motion. Whats happening to me?¡± The words come out quietly, barely audible, my lips barely moving. Patrick and Natalie rush to me immediately. I feel their hands steadying me, not letting me fall, but my legs wont obey. All I can do is let them practically carry me, my steps turning into unsteady, dragging movements. Put her here,¡± Patrick yells, ripping open a door. Help me, shes heavy,¡± I can barely make out Natalies voice, as if its coming from far away. Hurry up, before anyone notices. Undress her!¡± His voice is muffled, but clear enough to make my heart clench. I try to move my arms, but its hopeless. Panic rises inside me, but my body doesnt respond. Darkness starts closing in. Pull her pants down! Faster! What kind of idiot are you? Here, hold the phone, Ill do it myself,¡± I feel hands pulling my clothes off roughly. I try to resist with all my might, but my consciousness sinks into total darkness. Moments later, I start to become aware of whats happening. I feel some foul breath on my skin. Here you are. Ive been looking for you!¡± A mans voice cuts sharply through the darkness. I dont understand anything, my attempts to fight back are useless, and I fall into utter blackness once again. Shattered Illusions A dim light seeps through the crack in the door. My head feels unbearably heavy, as if it weighs a ton, and I can¡¯t lift it. A sharp, splitting pain tears through my skull. Where am I? A sudden stab of pain in my lower abdomen jolts me back to reality, and only now do I realize¡ªI¡¯m completely naked. A sob rips from my chest, and my thoughts race like mad, colliding in a chaotic whirlwind, making it impossible to grasp onto a single one. With trembling hands, I fumble around, searching for something¡ªanything¡ªbut there¡¯s nothing. No clothes. Slowly, I slide off the couch onto the cold floor, my fingers desperately searching for my jeans and hoodie. My hands shake as I dig into the hoodie¡¯s pocket and find my phone. The screen¡¯s harsh glow stings my eyes. Seven in the morning. Fragments of last night flash in my mind¡ªthe club, the music, the swirling haze of bodies. But they offer no answers, no explanation for where I¡¯ve been for the past four hours. My fingers struggle to pull on my jeans and hoodie, my breath ragged, uneven. I fumble through my contacts, frantically searching for Ana¡¯s number. The dial tone blares in my ears, so loud it feels like it¡¯s splitting my skull, amplifying the pounding pain in my head. ¡°Adele?¡± Ana¡¯s voice is distant, muffled, as if I¡¯m hearing it through layers of water. ¡°Are you getting ready?¡± ¡°Ana¡­¡± My voice trembles, breaking on a sob. ¡°I don¡¯t know where I am¡­¡± Another sob shudders through me, cutting off my words. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t understand¡­ everything is spinning.¡± I swallow, my throat tightening around the words I can¡¯t bring myself to say. I think¡­ The thought refuses to form, strangled by an invisible knot that tightens with every second. A quiet, desperate sob racks my chest, stealing the air from my lungs. Ana¡¯s voice, sharp with panic, startles me. ¡°What?!¡± The sheer urgency in her tone makes me jump. ¡°Hang on, I¡¯m tracking your phone through the app! Just give me a second!¡± There¡¯s a hint of uncertainty in her voice, but I can tell she¡¯s trying to hide it¡ªfor my sake. She doesn¡¯t want to scare me any more. A brief pause. Then her voice returns, calmer now, but firm, leaving no room for argument. ¡°Got it. I see your pin. I¡¯m on my way, do you hear me? Stay where you are. Don¡¯t go anywhere. Don¡¯t talk to anyone. Do you understand me? I¡¯ll be there soon!¡± Her words bring a small relief, but the tears won¡¯t stop. They keep pouring down my cheeks, hot and relentless. ¡°Adele, are you listening?¡± Her voice rises slightly, and I jump at the way it amplifies the pounding in my head. I force myself to answer, even though forming words feels like dragging stones uphill. ¡°Y-yes¡­ I¡¯m¡­ here. Please¡­ hurry.¡± ¡°I¡¯m coming, sweetheart. Just hold on. I¡¯m almost there!¡± I end the call, my hand falling limply to my side. The world around me continues to blur, but the thought of Ana running to find me is the only thing keeping me tethered. The flashlight on my phone cuts through the darkness, casting wobbly beams across the room. It¡¯s a small VIP lounge in a nightclub. I catch my breath. How did I get here? Why can¡¯t I remember anything? And worst of all¡ª who did this to me? I pull my knees up to my chest and shiver. The fabric of my hoodie is damp with unstoppable tears. My back pressed against the couch, I sit motionless, drowning in thoughts that threaten to consume me. I can¡¯t believe how much my life has changed in just a month. Not long ago, I was happy¡ªsurrounded by the love of my parents, my sisters, my boyfriend, and my friends. And now, everything is in ruins. A month ago, my parents died, setting off a chain of horrific events that have left deep wounds on my heart¡ªwounds that will never heal. My older half-sister has drowned herself in endless drinking, and now I¡¯m here, lost in the unknown, with no idea what was done to me or where I am. How am I supposed to live with this? My thoughts tangle into knots, pulling me deeper into the darkness. A sudden noise. Sharp slaps against my face. A blinding light cuts through my closed eyelids, stinging like a blade. A face hovers above me, blurred and shifting. ¡°Adele, please, wake up!¡± A rough, desperate voice reaches me, thick with worry. Hands clamp down on my shoulders, shaking me hard, refusing to let me slip away. ¡°Somebody help me! Get her up!¡± ¡°No¡­¡± I try to scream, but it comes out as nothing more than a strangled whisper. ¡°Don¡¯t be scared, sweetheart, it¡¯s me. It¡¯s Ana. You¡¯re safe now. Let¡¯s get you out of here.¡± Her arms wrap around me, tighter this time¡ªwarm, protective. Another pair of hands lifts me up, carrying me forward. Cold air slashes against my skin, sharp enough to drag me back to the edge of consciousness. ¡°Put her in the backseat,¡± Ana orders, flinging the car door open and motioning to the guy holding me. The door slams shut with a heavy thud, sealing us inside. Ana turns to me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, her gaze scanning my face with raw concern. ¡°What happened, sweetheart? Are you hurt? How do you feel?¡± Her fingers tighten around my frozen hand, as if trying to anchor me back to reality. ¡°Take me home, please,¡± I manage to whisper, using the last of my strength. ¡°Should we go to a doctor instead? You¡­¡± Ana flinches, her eyes catching the rips in my jeans, and she gasps, stifling a sob. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. ¡°No, home¡­ please¡­¡± I barely grip her hand in return, before slipping once again into darkness. Bright light seeps through the curtains. My body shivers uncontrollably, every limb aching. The awful nightmare I had last night still lingers in my mind, like it might just be a dream. But within a moment, I realize it¡¯s no longer a dream. It¡¯s my reality. Tears roll down my cheeks, my body wracked with quiet sobs. Inside, it feels like I¡¯m twisted into a massive knot of pain, slowly but relentlessly tearing me apart from the inside. The buzz of my phone snaps me back to the present, pulling me from the endless torment of my thoughts. It¡¯s been buzzing for over an hour now, messages pouring in one after the other. It¡¯s probably because I¡¯m missing from the main meeting, where they were supposed to announce who would take over the leadership role from my parents. Grabbing the phone with one hand, I wipe my face with the other, smearing the tears across my cheeks. I know I have to respond. These people don¡¯t deserve my silence, no matter what¡¯s happened to me. As I open the messages in the work chat, I freeze. For a moment, I forget how to breathe. Just then, the door slams open, and Ana bursts into the room. She sobs, furiously waving her phone in front of my frozen face. I realize she¡¯s seen it too. She understands what it means. ¡°It¡¯s all Natalie! Steve called me,¡± Ana¡¯s voice is trembling with anger and fear. ¡°Natalie leaked the photos and videos! She¡¯s been planning this with Patrick for a while, and apparently, they¡¯re the ones who drugged you. Steve went to that club, trying to find any evidence that it was their doing, that you had nothing to do with it. But they wiped the cameras¡ªthey planned everything. The only thing left is the part they sent to the board of directors.¡± Her voice shakes, but there¡¯s resolve in it despite the fear visible in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, Ana continues, almost shouting through her tears. ¡°You have to leave! I¡¯ll take you to your parents¡¯ house. You can¡¯t stay here.¡± ¡°Natalie?¡± I can¡¯t comprehend what Ana just told me. The pain in my head begins to throb, spreading from my chest. My heart refuses to believe it, but deep down, I already understand the truth. ¡°No, that¡¯s impossible! She wouldn¡¯t do this to me! She couldn¡¯t! Why would she do this?¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s to ruin your reputation in front of the board. After those compromising photos and videos, they won¡¯t even consider you for the board. They won¡¯t want to drag the company into such a scandal.¡± ¡°All because of the company?¡± It feels like I¡¯m shouting the words, but in reality, my lips barely move, and only faint gasps escape from my mouth. ¡°Yes¡­¡± Ana whispers. ¡°But she¡¯s older than me, she would have gotten all of it anyway, at least while I¡¯m still studying.¡± ¡°The thing is, Steve talked to your father a couple of weeks before the accident. Your father made it clear that he saw neither Natalie nor me in the board, but only you. That¡¯s why he was going to write the will with your mom, but he didn¡¯t get the chance.¡± Ana¡¯s voice is quiet but firm. ¡°Why didn¡¯t I know about this?¡± The words escape from my lips reflexively. ¡°Only Steve knew, and somehow, Natalie found out. Steve told me about it today.¡± Ana¡¯s voice shakes. ¡°He was your father¡¯s right hand and his best friend. I always thought of him as almost family. But now, I realize I can¡¯t trust my judgment about people anymore. I didn¡¯t notice the worst traitor, who was right beside me. Right under my nose.¡± I sit there, frozen, unable to move. My gaze locks onto a single point. A deafening ringing fills my head, so loud and piercing that it feels like my ears are blocked. I try to focus, but everything around me turns into a blurry, indecipherable mess. Through the noise, I hear Ana¡¯s words, but their meaning slips away from me. I don¡¯t know how much time has passed, but when I come to, I¡¯m in the backseat of a car. Ana is driving me somewhere. Where exactly, I don¡¯t care. If someone had asked, I would¡¯ve chosen the cemetery. What¡¯s the point in moving a corpse to another place? All that¡¯s left of me is a shadow of who I once was. I¡¯m no longer a person; I¡¯m just a shell. No, I didn¡¯t die. I was killed. Cruelly, hypocritically, and greedily. Was life preparing me for this? To be honest, absolutely not. If a month ago someone had asked me to write an essay on ¡°the worst outcome of my life,¡± I wouldn¡¯t have come up with a scenario like this. I would¡¯ve probably chosen an incurable disease slowly draining the life out of me¡ªthat seemed like the scariest thing. But now, I would be grateful for it. Grateful to the universe for allowing me to leave that way, without making me do everything myself. ¡°My face felt numb, and all I could feel was a wet spot under my right cheek on the upholstery of the car seat. Maybe it was my tears, or maybe saliva. I don¡¯t know. My body wasn¡¯t obeying me; it simply refused to move, and I couldn¡¯t blame it for that. I had failed it, just like I had failed my soul¡ªif it could even still be called that.¡± Thoughts kept dragging me back to Natalie. How could I not have seen it? How did I miss what now seemed so obvious? There had always been something in her eyes that I never paid attention to. Perhaps it was the love I felt for her that acted like a veil over my eyes, preventing me from seeing the truth. Now, when I had nothing left¡ªno emotions, no anger, no hatred¡ªI finally saw everything clearly. I saw it all. We were half-sisters on my mother¡¯s side, but now, Natalie felt like a stranger to me, like I had never known her at all. She was the oldest of the three of us: Natalie was the eldest, I was the middle child, and Ana was the youngest. Natalie last saw her father when she was only four and a half years old, and that memory was tainted with terror, a fear she carried with her her entire life. She once told me that he had tried to do something monstrous to her. They say children at that age forget traumatic events, but Natalie remembered everything: how her body tensed with fear, how every movement felt wrong, how those moments were burned into her memory like a film reel that could never be erased, no matter how hard she tried. ¡°When Natalie shared this with me, her tears flowed like a bottomless stream of pain. She trembled so violently that it seemed she would suffocate. My heart broke for her, but I didn¡¯t know how to help. The worst didn¡¯t happen¡ªour mom came home just then and stopped the bastard. Sarah, our mom, defended her daughter with the fury of a tigress, for which he brutally beat her, leaving her lying in a pool of her own blood. Natalie said that even now she could clearly draw that horrifying moment as if it happened yesterday. Mom, gathering her last strength, left that night, grabbing a little clothing and food, leaving that man in his drunken sleep in a pool of his own vomit. Natalie never knew if he tried to find them or simply erased them from his life. The next year was no less hard for Natalie, leaving painful memories. Mom barely made ends meet: almost all the money she earned went toward the rent for a tiny apartment. There was barely enough food, and Natalie often recalled how the terrible hunger brought them to the brink of exhaustion. Even the walls seemed cold and hostile, soaked with despair and hopelessness. In the evenings, Natalie would hear quiet sobs from behind the closed door, as mom fought helplessness. It was unbearable for her to see that she couldn¡¯t provide her daughter with even the most basic needs. The fear of returning to her old job, where Natalie¡¯s father might find her, and the impossibility of getting a new one due to the need to constantly care for her sick daughter weighed on mom like a heavy burden, one that seemed impossible to bear. She tried as hard as she could, but the loneliness and lack of any support broke her. Mom, who had grown up in an orphanage, never knew what family warmth felt like. Her only support was her best friend, but even she could only help to a limited extent, as she herself struggled with life¡¯s hardships.¡± ¡°But a year later, their lives changed drastically: mom met our dad, Torres. A young and promising architect, he fell hopelessly in love with mom and immediately loved Natalie as his own daughter. They met at a banquet, where mom worked part-time to make ends meet. That meeting turned out to be fateful. Dad wholeheartedly strived to become the best husband and father. Just a year after their wedding, I was born, and a year later, Ana came into the world. Our parents loved us dearly, surrounding us with care and support. Dad never gave Natalie a reason to doubt his fatherly love. So why, after going through all of that and having everything she had, did she do this to me? Though at that moment, I didn¡¯t care anymore¡ªI just wanted to end it all, once and for all.¡± The Unforeseen Beginning I spent three weeks under Ana¡¯s watchful care in our parents¡¯ riverside cabin, a place we often visited in childhood. She took care of me as though I were ill, never leaving my side. I couldn¡¯t find a moment alone to carry out what I had planned. It was as though Ana either sensed something or just guessed, but she constantly looked at me with caution. It seemed like even when she went to the bathroom, she did it faster, as if to prevent me from having a minute to myself. She had made an appointment with a psychologist, thinking it might somehow help. Five sessions had already passed, but I hadn¡¯t said a word. I wasn¡¯t interested in talking, and I didn¡¯t want to discuss my thoughts with anyone. I had only one clear goal. I had no strength to sort through this situation, let alone try to escape from the mess I had gotten myself into. The only thing that occasionally made me doubt my determination was Ana. Despite her apparent indifference, I still loved her and feared leaving her alone. I worried she wouldn¡¯t cope without me, but even that wasn¡¯t a strong enough motivation for me to find the strength to fight. Perhaps I agreed to the sessions with the psychologist only because of that tiny spark of hope she gave me. But overcoming myself and doing more was something I couldn¡¯t manage just yet. The psychologist kept asking me questions, telling me things, but her voice was like radio static¡ªmeaningless noise. I was bored. I thought about neither her nor myself. I simply stared out the window, watching the wind sway the trees and scatter the leaves, which had started falling prematurely. On sunny days, I somehow felt worse than on rainy ones. On overcast days, I could hear the howling of the wind, feel the chill of the dampness slowly spreading through my body, and that at least stirred something within me, reminding me that I was still alive. Sometimes, when I went to the river, I would keep my feet in the cold water for a long time, hoping to feel something. I thought that if the skin started to sting from the cramps or numbness, I might feel relief, but it was all in vain. In childhood, my sisters and I used to play for hours in the cold river water, and then we¡¯d listen to our mom¡¯s lamentations about how our skin had turned blue, warning us that if we kept being so careless, our limbs would eventually fall off. We were too happy and engrossed in play to notice the sharp pain or frostbite in our skin. But now, I didn¡¯t feel anything for a different reason. The emptiness gradually invaded my consciousness, relentlessly replacing the nightmares that tore at my sleep. Perhaps my body was deliberately numbing all sensations, afraid of the worst one¡ªpain. I wasn¡¯t ready for the force with which it could strike me, so I just stared at the water, hoping that one day, when I stepped into it, I wouldn¡¯t step out again. Several times, I saw Ana quietly crying as she watched me, but she said nothing. With each passing day, the faith in her eyes that everything would get better melted away, leaving only the pain of the past we once had and so carelessly lost. I wanted to give her hope, but I couldn¡¯t¡ªthere was none left in me. I was only searching for salvation in release. The sixth session with the psychologist seemed to start as usual. She studied me and asked questions about my well-being and other trivial matters. I was waiting for the moment when she would give up, lose her composure, and abandon this endeavor. But, it seemed she wasn¡¯t going to surrender: after about five minutes, she stopped talking to me and simply stared at me for the rest of the session. I threw questioning glances at her, trying to understand what she was trying to achieve, but she continued to stubbornly remain silent. About fifteen minutes into her intense gaze, I suddenly felt something unfamiliar¡ªsomething I hadn¡¯t felt in the past three weeks. Irritation started to boil inside me. I began to get angry at her, even though deep down I knew she was not to blame. Unable to take it anymore, I stared back at her and noticed how she smirked. That was the last straw. ¡°Are you laughing at me?¡± I hadn¡¯t expected to speak aloud, and I flinched, startled by my own voice, which I hadn¡¯t heard in over three weeks. ¡°Yes!¡± ¡°And what¡¯s so funny about me?¡± I quickly gathered myself, glaring at her with resentment growing inside me. It felt like I was finally experiencing some emotion after such a long time. ¡°Everything!¡± she answered with a sly smile. ¡°Do you expect me to pull the words out of you?¡± My anger flared even more, and I gritted my teeth. ¡°You haven¡¯t said a word in the last three weeks.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m saying something now!¡± ¡°I hear that.¡± ¡°Mmm, I know what you¡¯re trying to do.¡± ¡°And what¡¯s that?¡± ¡°You¡¯re trying to make me angry.¡± ¡°Why would I do that?¡± ¡°To provoke an emotion! I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ll be disappointed¡ªnothing will come of it,¡± at that moment, I felt like a small, vengeful child. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t be so sure. Right now, you¡¯re talking to me, so I can¡¯t be that bad.¡± ¡°Go to hell!¡± The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I¡¯d even say it¡¯s surprising how good I am!¡± She wasn¡¯t offended; on the contrary, she smiled even wider. ¡°You¡¯re funny,¡± I spat with all the bitterness I could muster, stood up, and left the room. Three more weeks passed, and our meetings with Nicole became twice a week. The anger slowly gave way to other emotions. It hurt. No, not just hurt¡ªthis was unbearable pain! Wednesday morning began like all the last days of October. The weather outside was cool, and Ana, in slippers and a warm pajama, was preparing syrniki (Russian pancakes) for us, while I flipped through TV channels. Everywhere, they were talking about the approaching winter and preparations for the holidays. ¡°Breakfast is ready.¡± ¡°Coming.¡± ¡°Coffee or tea?¡± Ana asked when I walked into the kitchen. A strange odor hit my nose. ¡°Better coffee. What¡¯s that smell?¡± I stared at Ana. ¡°I don¡¯t smell anything,¡± my sister shrugged. ¡°It smells like something¡¯s gone sour or spoiled,¡± I started sniffing everything on the table. I brought the yogurt to my nose, and nausea immediately surged in my throat. I rushed to the bathroom, feeling as though something had gone rotten inside me. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Ana came into the bathroom. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I guess the chicken from last night wasn¡¯t fresh after all,¡± I suggested, starting to laugh, though I felt terrible. ¡°God, I told you not to eat it,¡± Ana didn¡¯t finish her sentence before I threw up again. ¡°Let me go get some pills.¡± ¡°Yeah, that would be great,¡± I nodded, pulling away from the toilet. The entire day was awful, I kept feeling nauseous. I don¡¯t know what was wrong with that chicken, but clearly, something was really off. ¡°I know it¡¯s probably nothing serious, but maybe we should go to the doctor? You¡¯ve been nauseous all day, and it¡¯s obviously not over yet. You look pale and can¡¯t eat anything,¡± Ana said. I started shaking my head in disagreement, but the movement made me feel even more nauseous, and I barely held back another wave of vomiting. ¡°Fine, let¡¯s go.¡± We made it to the hospital in twenty minutes. The doctor examined me and ordered tests. I sat for half an hour, staring at posters on the wall about the importance of annual checkups. Ana quietly slipped in through the slightly ajar door. ¡°Why is it taking so long?¡± my sister asked, her eyes fixed on me, her tone wary. ¡°We¡¯re waiting for the test results,¡± I reply, trying to calm her down. ¡°What did the doctor say? Is it something serious?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s most likely just food poisoning. He¡¯ll be able to confirm that after the test results.¡± The door slowly opens, and the doctor steps in, holding a few papers and a cup of coffee. A broad, reassuring smile is on his face. ¡°Doctor, is everything okay?¡± Ana asks anxiously, her voice trembling with worry. ¡°More than okay!¡± the young man replies cheerfully. We both exhale in relief, but a lingering sense of unease still gnaws at me. ¡°So what¡¯s the cause? Why am I still feeling so bad?¡± ¡°The cause is actually something a bit different. You¡¯re pregnant,¡± the doctor says without hesitation. I freeze, unable to believe my ears. ¡°What?¡± Ana screams, her face twisting in shock. ¡°Yes, it¡¯s just morning sickness. And the good news is, it¡¯ll pass soon,¡± the doctor continues with a smile, sipping his coffee. One night, one first sexual encounter, and here I am, pregnant. Ana, unable to handle the shock, rushes out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I hear her sobs growing louder outside. ¡°Your sister has quite a strange reaction. Are you okay? Was this planned or a happy accident?¡± ¡°Um¡­ yeah, it¡¯s a happy accident,¡± I whisper, gently placing my hand on my stomach. How is this possible? There¡¯s a little person growing inside me, and I can¡¯t comprehend that it¡¯s real. Emotions overwhelm me, and I¡¯m lost in thought about how quickly and unexpectedly my life has changed. Should I hate this? Why, then, do I already feel like I love this little being more than anything, despite all the uncertainty and fear consuming me? I continued to sit silently, staring at my stomach. About ten minutes later, Ana, having gathered her thoughts, returns to the doctor¡¯s office. Our eyes meet, and her eyebrows instantly shoot up in surprise. She looks at me with clear concern, bewildered by my reaction and what she¡¯s just seen. It seems she expected something else. ¡°Are you okay?¡± she asks in a barely audible voice. ¡°More than okay,¡± I reply quickly. The doctor, gesturing towards my stomach, says: ¡°You can go now. I¡¯ll prescribe you some medication for the morning sickness. Overall, just rest more, take good care of yourself, and try to eat well. Now, you have to look after not only yourself but also the baby.¡± ¡°Got it, thank you,¡± I respond quietly. The drive home was in complete silence. Ana stared ahead, not daring to turn to me or ask anything. I was lost in thoughts about my feelings for the baby and how I was going to handle this. The first thing I thought when I heard the news was a deep fear and doubt¡ªwhether I¡¯d be able to love this child. I feared that my past mistakes and the dark circumstances that had consumed me would haunt him. The only reasonable thought seemed to be to get rid of it, but the moment I allowed it, I felt everything inside me reject the idea. Soon, a thought struck me that turned my world upside down. I didn¡¯t yet know who it was¡ªhe or she¡ªbut I already loved him so much. This baby isn¡¯t anyone else¡¯s; he¡¯s mine and only mine, and he¡¯s not at fault. He¡¯s the purest and most innocent being imaginable. Even though everything happened differently than I had planned, I won¡¯t abandon him, and I won¡¯t give up on him. He¡¯s part of me, my most beloved part, and maybe he¡¯s the one who will help me step out of the darkness and into the light. I¡¯ll try to give him all the love I have left and make him the happiest child in the world, because he deserves it. When we got home, Ana didn¡¯t say a word about what had happened. Maybe she just didn¡¯t know what to say, and I was too absorbed in my own thoughts. A month passed. Ana accepted my decision to keep the baby and supported me, promising to love him as much as she loved me and to become the best aunt in the world. It seemed like life was starting to settle down, though calling it ¡°normal¡± would have been too bold. I accepted the reality I had chosen to face by keeping the baby. However, there was one problem that wouldn¡¯t let me rest. It was getting harder and harder to stay in this city. I realized we couldn¡¯t live forever in the little house by the river. Sooner or later, someone might come looking for us, and I couldn¡¯t go back to the city. I had to think not only about myself. There were now two of us: me and my baby. I knew Ana would hardly agree to let me go, and it wouldn¡¯t be fair to her, but I couldn¡¯t keep going like this. I needed to leave and try to build a new life for us. One beautiful sunny morning, while Ana went out to buy groceries, I made the decision that I couldn¡¯t wait any longer. Quickly gathering a few belongings and some money for the time being, until I found a job, I wrote a letter to Ana, left it on the kitchen counter, and, without looking back, left. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but I need to leave. Thank you for being with me through the tough times. You¡¯re my ray of light in this seemingly hopeless world. I hope you¡¯ll understand. For the baby¡¯s sake, I need to start over, in a place where nothing reminds me of what happened. I want to give myself a second chance. Someday, I¡¯ll return, but for now, it¡¯s just too difficult. I love you so much.¡± I hoped she would forgive me and find the strength to understand and accept my decision. I was sure Ana would be okay, because she¡¯s so strong. The baby and I would manage, because now we have each other.