《That Time I Got Reincarnated As Myself? So I Have To Start From Day 1》 "Wait... Im a Baby Again?!" "Celestial Cataclysm: Final Judgement Slash¡ª!!!" With a final, devastating swing of his sword, Ryukard Blackfyre unleashed his ultimate attack. Blades of divine light clashed against the endless void, ripping apart space itself as his blade struck deep into the heart of darkness. "Gruhh¡­ Ahh¡­!" The Void Emperor Zephiroth, the feared ruler of darkness, coughed up black blood as his body crumbled into the abyss. Yet, instead of rage or regret, he flashed a cheeky grin. "Heh¡­ That was fun¡­ Fighting you to the death, hero." Ryukard, barely standing, grinned back through his exhaustion. "Yeah¡­ Gotta admit, that was exciting." Zephiroth smirked, his form fading into nothingness. "Let''s meet again in Hell, buddy." Ryukard puffed out his chest. "Hah! Speak for yourself! I''m heading straight to Heaven!" For a moment, there was silence¡­ Then¡ª "Pffft¡ªHahahaha!" Both warriors burst into laughter, even as their bodies crumbled into dust. The fearsome Demon King and the legendary Hero¡ªtwo sworn enemies¡ªdied like a couple of idiots, laughing together as the world faded to black. .... As my soul drifted out of my body, the world around me faded into a peaceful white void. And then¡ª A staircase. A long, bright white staircase, stretching endlessly into the sky. "Ahhh¡­ is this it?" I took a deep breath, feeling lighter than ever. "Heaven! The sacred land! The final destination!" I started humming a tune as I climbed. "La la la~! Open the door, heavenly Heaven door! Hehehe, finally, I can rest in peace!" But just as I reached out to knock¡ª "Oi! Look here!" A voice snapped me out of my moment. "Huh?" I blinked and turned my head to the right. "Oi oi, hero! Down here!" Confused, I looked down¡ªand saw¡­ A small, tiny, absurdly short girl. Like, seven years old max. She had fluffy silver hair, bright golden eyes, and wore a white robe that was way too oversized for her. She looked like some lost child at a festival. "Eh? Are you lost?" I tilted my head. "No, wait¡­" sniffles "You poor thing! You died so early! Waaaahhh!!" I fake-cried dramatically, wiping imaginary tears from my eyes. And then¡ª BONK! "Ouch!" She chopped me on the head! "I AM NOT A KID!" she puffed up her cheeks. "I am the great Goddess Astraia! Goddess of Reincarnation! Humph!!" "Eh?" I blinked. "Who? Who?" Wait¡­ a goddess? My mind instantly formed the perfect image¡ªa beautiful divine lady with a mature figure, shining with celestial radiance, her robes flowing elegantly, her¡ª SLAP! Astraia smacked me across the face. "I said I''m a Goddess! Goddess Astraia! Goddess of Reincarnation!" I turned back to her, staring wide-eyed at her tiny, pouty face. And then¡­ "Pfft¡ªHahaha!!" The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. I burst into laughter, clutching my stomach. "You? A Goddess?! Bwahahaha!!" ZAP! "GRUAAHHH!!!" A sudden bolt of lightning struck me out of nowhere! For a moment, I actually saw my soul leave my soul¡ª "WAIT, NO! GET BACK IN!" I panicked and swallowed it back like slurping noodles. "Gulp." I blinked. "Ah¡­ I''m back." Still twitching from the shock, I immediately dropped to my knees. "OHH, MY GODDESS! PLEASE FORGIVE THIS LOWLY FOOL!" I bowed so hard my forehead nearly hit the glowing floor. "I FAILED TO RECOGNIZE YOUR HOLY PRESENCE! TRULY, I AM UNWOR¡ªpfft, HAHAHAHAHA!!!" I tried to hold it in. I really did. But the absurdity of the situation broke me all over again. ZAP!! "AAAGGHHH!!" I convulsed as Astraia shocked me again. "SORRY! SORRY!!!" I slammed my head onto the floor, waving my hands in surrender. The tiny so-called Goddess crossed her arms and huffed proudly. "Hmph! That''s better!" Then she suddenly cleared her throat, standing on her tiptoes to look more intimidating. "Now¡­ coming to the point!" she said, her tiny voice trying to sound serious. "So, Ryukard Blackfyre!" she declared. "YES!" I shouted back, standing at attention like a soldier. Of course, I did. Who wants another lightning shock that makes your soul''s soul leave your soul?! Astraia nodded smugly, crossing her tiny arms. "Hmph! You should be honored! You''re about to be blessed by me!" "Yes! I''m really honored!" I responded immediately. As long as I get into heaven... Astraia grinned. "You will get a chance to be reincarnated in any world you wish, with any powers, status, or being you want to live as!" "...I''m really hono¡ªEH???" My brain short-circuited mid-sentence. "W-Wha¡­ WHAT?! WHY?! WHY?! I DEFEATED THE DEMON KING!" I was supposed to be in heaven, sipping divine wine, not¡­ this!! My voice cracked as I pointed at her. "Shouldn''t I already be IN HEAVEN?!?!" Astraia tilted her tiny head, arms crossed, looking down at me like I was some lowly insect. "Huh? What are you talking about?" she said. I felt a vein pop on my forehead. "WHY CAN''T I ENTER HEAVEN?!" I demanded. Astraia blinked. "Ehh? What do you mean why?" Then, with the smuggest expression ever, she said, "You can''t because you''re not worthy! Isn''t that obvious?" "HUH?! NOT WORTHY?! I FREAKING KILLED THE DEMON KING AND FREED THE WORLD FROM HIS DARKNESS!!" I threw my arms up, voice echoing in the heavens. Astraia simply nodded and snapped her fingers. POOF Out of nowhere, she magically pulled out a huge book¡ªits title glowing "Ryukard''s Life Records"¡ªand suddenly, she was wearing stupidly round glasses like some strict librarian. "Oh yeah, you did!" she said, flipping through pages. "Let''s see¡­ you killed 257,307 demons¡­" I nodded proudly. "Made 238,930 lame jokes¡­" I froze. "Stared at female demons like a creep 108,930 times¡­" My soul nearly left my soul again. "And you peeked on Elf wome¡ª" "STOPPPPPP!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!" I shouted, face burning with embarrassment. I lunged at the book, trying to shut it, but she floated out of reach, giggling like a mischievous little devil. Astraia leaned forward with a grin. "So, you get why you can''t enter heaven now?" Her eyes sparkled like she was having the time of her life. I stared at her. Emotionless. Lifeless. Then suddenly¡ª PFTTT¡­ Hahahahahaha!!! A loud, echoing laugh boomed from below. I instinctively looked down¡ªtowards hell. There, lounging like a king in a sea of flames, was none other than Demon King, Void Emperor Zephiroth. The guy was kicking back, surrounded by his all-dead, all-female demon wives, each of them fawning over him while he pointed directly at me, laughing like a maniac. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HERO! LOOK WHERE YOU ENDED UP! HAAHHAHAAHAHAA!!" I turned my gaze back to Astraia, my face completely blank. With zero emotion, I asked, "Oi. Why is he having so much fun down there?" Astraia blinked. "Eh? What do you mean? He''s in hell!" I slowly pointed down. "Yeah. But why is he partying and not being reincarnated?" Astraia gave me the smuggest look in existence. "Because, unlike some hero, he committed ALL the evil things necessary to enter hell." I felt something pierce my soul. Not an actual weapon. No, something far worse. An imaginary arrow of her words stabbed me right in the heart. "Gahhh!!!" I clutched my chest dramatically, falling to my knees. "So! Have you decided where you wanna get reincarnated?" Astraia asked, tilting her head with an innocent smile. I sniffled. Tears welled up in my eyes. "But... But I wanna go to heaven and rest in peace¡­" I clung onto her robe like a 2-year-old crying for his mom to take him to the park. Astraia sighed, completely ignoring my suffering. "What are you saying? Look here!" With a snap of her fingers, several floating magical flyers appeared before me, each one glowing with different colors. She pointed at one. "This! Tromina! A world full of warriors!" Then another. "And this! Rumiorra Nivesry! A world filled with monster hunters!" Her hand hovered over a third flyer. "And this... Earth. A world full of... Ehh... Um... just ordinary humans. Ah, forget this one." She crumpled it up like trash and tossed it over her shoulder. I blinked. "Oi, wait, hold on¡ª" "Oh! Look at thi¡ª" "STOP!" I shouted. I glared at her. "I would rather fight Void Emperor Zephiroth again than live through childhood again!" Astraia''s eyes sparkled. Her lips curled into a wide grin. "Oh! Great idea! Off you go!" She clapped her hands, a strange magic circle appeared beneath me, and before I could even react¡ª S H O V E "Eh? WAIT¡ªWAI¡ª" F W O O S H Darkness. Weightlessness. Then suddenly¡ª "WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" ¡­ Wait. That voice. Why does it sound so¡ª "WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" No. No no no no no¡ª I tried to scream but all that came out was more crying. My vision adjusted. Bright lights. A giant lady. A weird doctor. A rough cloth wrapping around my tiny body. I looked down. Why¡­ Why are my arms so stubby?! I turned my head to see a nurse smiling down at me. "Oh, what a healthy baby boy!" Wait... I''M A BABY AGAIN?!? Hero to Baby… to Noodle Brand?! Oi! Oi! Put me down, old man! I ain''t some sack of potatoes! But of course, all that came out was¡ª "Waaah! Waaah!" My dad looked at me with sparkling eyes. "Ohhh! Look at him! He''s got such strong lungs! He''ll be a warrior just like his old man!" No, you battle maniac! I was cursing you, not showing off my lungs! "LOVE! PUT HIM BACK!" Hehe, Mom looks so scary when she''s angry. Dad laughed nervously and gently put me back in the crib. I sighed in relief. But just as I thought I was safe¡ª Boop! Mom poked my cheek. Boop! Boop! She looked at me with soft, loving eyes. "He''s so cute." Oi, stop that. I''m a 300-year-old hero, you know? This is humiliating! But then, Dad joined in. Boop! Boop! Boop! I take it back. This isn''t just humiliating. This is pure torture. Can''t they decide on my name already?! Oi oi, I''m the legendary hero Ryukard Blackfyre!! You know, the guy who saved the world and fought for 300 years! At least give me a name that commands respect! Dad scratched the back of his head. "Eh? Honey, shouldn''t we decide on his name?" Huh?! Wait, what?! You guys didn''t plan a name while I was still in the womb?? What were you doing for nine months?! Playing rock-paper-scissors?! "Oh! I have one in mind!" Mom suddenly said with a bright smile. Ah, I knew it! Love you, Mom! You''re my only hope! My savior! My guardian ang¡ª "Ryumikiyo!" ¡­.. ¡­.. I take it back. WHAT. THE. HECK. IS. THIS. NAME??? I could feel my soul leaving my body AGAIN. I fought for 300 years just to be named¡­ Ryumikiyo?! What is this?! Some ancient noodle brand?? Dad''s eyes sparkled. "Ahh, Love, what a wonderful name you''ve chosen!" Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. "Right? I just thought of it! Isn''t it cute?" Mom clapped her hands happily. Cute?! NO! It''s a disaster! I twitched, struggling in my baby form, but all that came out was¡ª "Waaahhh!" "Oh, look at him! He''s crying in joy!" Mom said with a proud smile. Waaahhh! (No, I''m not! I''m crying in despair, you fools!) Dad nodded, full of conviction. "It shall be Ryumikiyo then!" NOOOOOOO¡ª!!! "Oi, Goddess Astraia!! Oi oi oi, I know you can hear me¡ªOI!!!" Poof! She appeared, floating in front of my tiny baby face, now shrunken to the size of my eyeball. Of course, only I could see her. "It''s just been two hours since you got reincarnated, and you''re already crying for my help?" She smirked, looking down at me like some divine supervisor about to write me up for being incompetent. "No, please! Stop laughing! I need my name back! Do something! Anything!!" "Ehh, but that''s not my specialization. I''m only the Goddess of Reincarnation~" she said casually, twirling her tiny finger. "What kind of useless Goddess are you?! Who even hired you?!" I asked, my baby face deadpan. She gasped, clutching her chest dramatically like I just committed divine blasphemy. "Oi! I worked hard for this title, okay?!" "Yeah, sure. Real hard work, sending people to random worlds with ridiculous names¡­" "You think it''s easy?! Hmph! You''re lucky I even showed up, you ungrateful brat!" I lowered my voice and spoke with utmost sincerity, pouring every ounce of desperation into my words. "Oh merciful, all-loving Goddess! Please, I beg of you¡ªdo something! I want my name back! Please!" Of course, it worked. A cheeky, arrogant grin spread across her tiny face as she crossed her arms, radiating self-satisfaction. "Hmph! Finally, you recognize my greatness! Took you long enough! Well, nothing is impossible for me, of course. You want your name back, huh?" Her smirk widened. "Well¡­ then rub your nose at my feet! Haha! Maybe then I''ll consider it!" She threw her head back and cackled maniacally. Oi. Seriously? I deadpanned, my tiny baby hands twitching in frustration. "Stop it! You know I can''t even move properly in this two-hour-old baby body!" She smirked, clearly enjoying my misery. "Haha, I know, I know! Relax. You don''t need to worry about a thing." She flicked her wrist dramatically. "Your name wasn''t actually decided by your parents. It''s chosen by the High Priest of the Holy Worship Temple of the Goddess of Water¡­ on the third day after your birth." Huh?! My baby brain short-circuited. I twitched. "Then WHY didn''t you say that earlier, you absolute Goddess of Evil?!" She gasped, clutching her chest in fake outrage. "Oi! That''s a very rude thing to say to a lady!" "Well, I''ll be going now! Enjoy your new life, Ryumikiyo!" With a smug grin, the tiny menace vanished straight through my freaking eyeball, scaring the absolute hell out of my tiny baby heart. "Whaannn! Whaannnn!!" Mom immediately perked up. "Oh no! My baby must be hungry!" Wait¡ªNO! That''s NOT why I''m crying! Before I could protest, she gently picked me up and sat down on a chair. Oh, no. Oh, why?! I shut my eyes tight. If I can''t see it, it''s not happening. If I can''t see it, it''s not happening¡­ As she started feeding me, I had no choice but to accept my fate. Sigh¡­ Fine, whatever. It''s not like I have another option. But holy hell¡ªhow do babies do this without their jaw hurting?! This is exhausting! I was a legendary hero, a war veteran who fought for centuries, and yet, this¡ªTHIS¡ªis my greatest challenge?! Still¡­ it''s so peaceful. Being held so gently, so warmly, with all the love in the world¡­ Unlike my 300 years of war¡­ This is the best¡ª ¡­ Huh? Something''s off. I cracked an eye open. And there he was. My idiot of a father. SNATCHING MY FOOD. LIKE SOME NASTY CREEP!!! I twitched. Oi, you battle freak! Get away from my mother! Leave your baby''s food alone, you PERV! Without thinking, I kicked him straight in the face. BAM! Dad stumbled back, clutching his nose. "Wahhh! Look at him! So strong! He''s definitely got my warrior genes!" Mom just sighed. "Love, if you don''t sit still, I''ll make sure you get reincarnated next." Hah. Serves you right, you battle-obsessed weirdo. I smirked and closed my eyes again. Finally. Peace. Nerf Me, You Damn Goddess!? Day three of being myself again¡­ And I''ve come to a simple conclusion. This body is trash. I can''t crawl. I can''t stand. I can barely lift my own damn head! How did I survive 300 years in this thing before?! Ugh, forget it. No point in stressing. The goal is clear. Step 1: Die ASAP. Step 2: Do enough good deeds first, so I qualify for heaven. Step 3: Enter heaven, enjoy divine wine, and sleep forever. Simple plan. Flawless plan. ...Oh, wait. Crap. The Divine Regeneration Rain Drop. That stupid drop of "holy miracle water" was what turned me into an almost immortal last time. When I was four, I drank a single drop¡ªjust one¡ªand BAM, congratulations, i was a forever-living hero. NOT THIS TIME. When I turn four, I am dodging that drop like my life depends on it. (Which it literally does. Lol!) --- ¡­Wait. If I die early, doesn''t that mean Zephiroth is gonna keep ruling the world? ¡­ Meh. Honestly? Not my problem. It''s not like he ever did anything personal to me. He never killed my parents, never wiped out my hero party. He just sat on his demon throne being evil or whatever. So why should I care? Let the guy enjoy his villain retirement plan. I''m here for peaceful, happy, short life. --- Anyway. Big event today¡ªvisiting the Holy Temple of the Seven Gods of Creation for my blessings. Gotta be careful here. If I get too many blessings, I''ll become OP again and we''re back to square one. Last time, Water Goddess Aqua gave me way too many blessings. I don''t know why she was obsessed with me, but if she pulls that stunt again¡ª No. No more OP Ryukard. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I need to NERF myself. A small, simple human life. No grand battles, no legendary hero nonsense. Just a peaceful, natural end at the right time. ¡­ Assuming the gods actually listen to me. After what felt like an eternity of being carried around like a sack of rice, we finally reached the grand staircase leading up to the Holy Temples of the Seven Gods of Creation. My parents looked all excited, while I, on the other hand, was mentally preparing myself for the nonsense about to unfold. The towering temples shimmered with divine energy, the air buzzing with an overwhelming sacred presence... and yet, all I could think was¡ªUgh, here we go again. Ah, first things first¡ªI''m supposed to get my name from the High Priest of the Temple of the Water Goddess, Aqua. Since Mom has her blessing, it''s their tradition to decide my name. Finally, no more Ryumikiyo!!! Well, here we are. The heavy bells are ringing like crazy¡ªhow do they expect baby ears to handle this much noise?! My tiny body is shaking, and I can already feel my future headaches forming. Ah, here comes the High Priest. High Priest: "Oh, such a healthy, cute baby boy you have, Maria Blackfyre!" Mom: "Hehe, he really is, isn''t he!" Ahhh, Mom seems way too excited about this. Okay, okay, I''m being handed over to the High Priest now. Here it comes¡ª Blublublublublub¡ªAH WHAAAAANN WHAAAANN!!! WHAT THE HELL?! Why did he just dunk me in holy water?! Oh wait¡­ right, Temple of the Water Goddess¡­ still, what the heck?! Mommy, take me back! Dry me, woman!!! Ahhh, finally, I''m dried up! I cling to my mother like a true baby¡ªwell, I am a baby right now, so whatever. And here we go¡ªthe High Priest is starting his long-winded holy words. High Priest: "Oh my Goddess of Water, divine and ever-flowing, giver of life and mercy, the one who nourishes the land and guides lost souls, the great tide that washes away evil, the eternal current that binds the realms¡ªbless this child with your sacred favor! May his path be as pure as the rivers, his heart as vast as the ocean, and his soul as unshakable as the tides! By your grace, let him walk in your waters and carry your name with honor! In your wisdom, bestow upon him the name that shall mark his destiny!" ¡­Oh wow, that was long. I swear, he just kept adding more words as he went. Was he making it up on the spot?! High Priest: "This child shall be known as... Ryukard Blackfyre!" Oh. Well¡­ at least it''s not Ryumikiyo this time. Small victories, I guess. "Wowww! My lovely-dovely Ryuk!!!" ¡­Eh? Who? I blinked and looked up at the grand statue of the Water Goddess, Aqua. And there she was¡ªstanding right there in front of me! "Ah! Goddess! It''s an honor to meet you¡ªwait. WHY CAN I SEE YOU?!" Aqua just smiled and poked my cheek. "Well, since you''re reincarnated, I figured showing myself for a bit wouldn''t hurt~ at least until the High Priest finishes his rituals!" "Your Highness! My Goddess Aqua! Why am I going through all this again?! This is suffering!!" I whined¡ªlike a real baby this time. She giggled. "Hehe, because you''re always such a naughty boy, my lovely-dovely Ryuk~!" Then, without warning, she kissed my cheek. ¡­Excuse me, WHAT?! Of course, no one else could see her, so it wasn''t a problem, but still! And then¡ªAND THEN¡ªshe had the nerve to say, "Not to mention, you always looked at my statue with such hungry eyes¡ª" her voice turning all flustered and weirdly excited. "STOP. STOP. STOP. I DIDN''T! AND EVEN IF I DID, PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT!" Nope. Nope. Nope. This was not happening. I needed to get this conversation back on track fast. "A-Anyway! I''m living a SIMPLE, GOOD BOY life this time! So please¡ªno overpowered blessings! Don''t make me a walking disaster again!" Aqua puffed up her cheeks. "Ehhh? But my lovely-dovely Ryuk! I was just about to max out your water magic to 100,000!" she said in the cutest girly voice¡ªlike she wasn''t talking about absolutely ruining my life. "AND THAT''S THE PROBLEM!! NERF ME DOWN!! DON''T YOU DARE BLESS ME OVERPOWERED AGAIN!!" She tilted her head, looking all innocent. "Thee-hee~ my bad! I already did! Hehe, my bad!" "WHAT?!?!" "Curse You, Akito Kurogane!" Ahh, my first step to living a short, peaceful life is already ruined by the gods! Aqua gave me 100,000 water element power, and the other gods? Yeah, they didn''t hold back either! God of Fire? "Here, have flames so strong they could roast a dragon in one second!" God of Earth? "Enjoy rock-hard defense that could make mountains jealous!" God of Light? "Oh, you don''t want to live long? Too bad, here''s eternal youth!" God of Wind? "Who needs teleportation when you can run faster than a hurricane?" God of Nature? "Have infinite vitality! You''ll never get sick or injured!" God of Spirit? "You can talk to spirits now! Even the dead ones!" ¡­JUST WHO ASKED FOR THIS?! I wanted a normal, short human life! Not to become some divine cheat character again! Sigh¡­ It''s fine, it''s fine. Maybe if I live quietly, I won''t attract attention¡­ yeah, let''s go with that. Now that we''re home, Mom is busy preparing dinner, and Dad is telling some knight stories at the table. Meanwhile, I¡ªthe "legendary hero" Ryukard Blackfyre¡ªam sitting in a crib, trapped like a royal prisoner. I need a plan. A foolproof way to avoid hero duties, dodge divine interventions, and just¡­ live like a regular human. ¡­Wait. Is that even possible anymore? Alright, alright, think, Ryukard, think! Step one to my peaceful, short life¡ªact weak, scared, and useless. If I do that, Dad won''t drag me to the adventurer''s guild the moment I turn five and throw me into the wild like last time! The guy runs the biggest guild in town¡ªhe literally forced me to form my own party as a toddler and sent me off to hunt slimes like it was some kind of baby playdate! No way I''m letting that happen again. But¡­ wait. If I don''t form my own party, I won''t meet Sylphiy. Oh no. My elf party member with big brea¡ª uhm, big magical potential! Yeah, yeah, that''s what I meant. I totally didn''t spend my past life getting smacked by her staff for being "creepy." This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. This time, I''ll meet her as a proper gentleman! A refined, respectable, and absolutely non-suspicious human being! ¡­But if I act too weak, Dad''s gonna disown me, and if I act too strong, I''ll get dragged into hero nonsense again. Ugh, why is life so complicated?! I groaned, flopping backward in my crib. What do I even do for now? I can''t walk, I can''t cast magic until I turn three, and I''m stuck in this weak human body! Humans are so useless compared to elves! What am I supposed to do until then? Once I turn three, I''ll master all the magic I had in my previous 300-year-long life in no time! So what''s the plan until then? ¡­Oh! Idea! Astraia! Astraia! Poof! She appeared instantly, floating in the air, still in her tiny, eyeball-sized form. "What is it, Ryukard¡ªRyuk!" she huffed, acting all busy as she scribbled something in her book. I narrowed my eyes. "I wanted to know¡­ what happens if I don''t become a hero? Like¡­ who''s gonna defeat Void Emperor Zephiroth if the hero never becomes the hero?" The moment I said that, Astraia froze. "Huh? The hero? W-Well, t-tha¡­ that''s¡­" She started stuttering, her eyes darting around suspiciously. ¡­OI. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME?! "I-I''m not hiding anything!" she blurted out, but her awkward smile and the sweat running down her face screamed otherwise. She''s lying. SHE''S TOTALLY LYING. "Oi, cut it out. Your face is betraying you," I deadpanned. Astraia hesitated before finally sighing. Then, with a nervous laugh, she said, "You see, Ryuk¡­ the hero was never supposed to be you. Thee hee!" ¡­HUH? ¡­HUHHHHH?! "What do you mean it wasn''t me?!" Astraia twirled a lock of her hair, looking everywhere except at me. "W-Well, you see¡­ When Void Emperor Zephiroth got too strong, I was given the job of bringing a brave soul from another world and reincarnating him as the hero." Okay, so far, this sounds normal to me. "¡­Buuuut, I kinda messed up." ¡­Huh? "I, uh¡­ accidentally reincarnated him into another world. Not this one." ¡­EXCUSE ME?! "Yeahhh, remember that Flayer of Worlds I crumbled and tossed away? He got reincarnated on that world. A world called Earth. As a normal human. And now he''s¡­ um¡­" She cleared her throat awkwardly. "¡­He''s writing novels under his pen name, Akito Kurogane." ¡­ ..... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! "Then WHY did I become the hero?! Why did I get overpowered?! And WHY the hell did I drink that divine regeneration raindrop?!" Astraia fidgeted like a guilty child caught stealing cookies. "Eh¡­ uhm¡­ You see, I kinda¡­ begged all the gods to help me fix this mess and, uh, save the world?" She clapped her tiny hands together with a thee-hee smile, clearly trying to look cute and innocent. "A-And they all agreed! But at that exact moment, your soul was about to be born in this world, so we, um¡­ blessed you!!" ¡­ BLESSED ME?! "YOU GODS FREAKING DUMPED YOUR MESS ON ME AND CALLED IT A BLESSING!!!" I dramatically threw my baby blanket over my head like a depressed ghost. This was beyond betrayal. Meanwhile, Astraia just floated there, whistling like a suspicious criminal trying to act natural. I peeked out from under my blanket. "You expect me to clean up this divine disaster again?!" She hesitated. "Uh¡­ yes?" OH COME ON! "Curse you all! CURSE YOU, AKITO KUROGANE!!!" Somewhere in another world, a random Japanese guy sneezed violently while writing his novel. "The Art of Not Being a Hero (And Failing Miserably)" One week has passed¡­ and I still don''t know what the heck I did to get caught in the gods'' mess!!! Like, seriously. I was just a humble hero who sacrificed himself for world peace. Is that a crime now? Do gods have nothing better to do than mess with a guy who already died once?! Oh, and let''s not forget¡ªI''ve been reborn as a literal baby. A BABY. Do you know how frustrating that is?! I''m an all-powerful warrior, but right now, I can''t even hold my own head up properly! This is a nightmare. Even though Astraia and the other gods have dumped the ''hero'' title on me, I absolutely refuse to play along! No more world-saving nonsense! No more legendary battles! If I want to live a peaceful, monster-free life, all I need is a foolproof plan¡­ Alright! Step one of my master plan to avoid hero duties: act weak, scared, and useless. If I can convince my parents that I''m just an ordinary baby with absolutely zero combat potential, maybe¡ªjust maybe¡ªI can avoid being thrown into monster-infested forests by the age of five again. I lay in my crib, staring at my tiny hands. Weak. Fragile. Human. Perfect. Just as I was about to practice my baby cries for added effect, my mom swooped in like a tornado of motherly energy and scooped me up. "Ohhh, my little Ryuk! I can feel your warrior spirit growing already!" she squealed, hugging me like a plush toy. Wait, what? "H-Hero?" She blinked at me, tilting her head. "Hmm? Well, of course! With Aqua''s blessing in you, you''re bound to be one!" Okay, hold up. Who decided this?! When was the voting? Where was my ballot?! I wiggled in her grip, trying to protest, but she just hugged me tighter like I was some divine treasure. Plan A: Massive failure. Alright, no problem. Babies cry, right? Time to weaponize this. I squeezed my eyes shut, puffed up my cheeks, and let out the most pathetic wail I could manage. "WAAAAAAAAA¡ª" Before I could even finish, her eyes sparkled like she had just discovered fire. "Awww! Such a mighty battle cry! You''re already summoning your inner hero!" ¡­ EXCUSE ME?! NO, WOMAN, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME LOOK WEAK, NOT GIVE YOU MORE REASONS TO TURN ME INTO A WAR MACHINE!! Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. "Maria, don''t smother the boy," came a deep voice from the doorway. Dad¡ªAldren Blackfyre, absolute unit of a man, built like he personally arm-wrestles the laws of physics¡ªwalked in with his arms crossed. "He''s going to be an adventurer someday," he said, nodding like this was a universal truth. "Better start training him early!" ¡­ H-Hold up. "I was thinking," Dad stroked his chin, "since he''s got all these divine blessings, we should let him fight his first slime by the time he''s two." ¡­ TWO?! HELLO?! "Sir, I am currently the size of a loaf of bread. Let''s reconsider." Mom clapped her hands. "Oh! We can start his sword training as soon as he can walk!" DAD. MOM. PLEASE STOP. "Maybe even let him play with a small dagger now?" HELLO?! CHILD PROTECTION SERVICES?! I''D LIKE TO FILE A REPORT!! At this point, I was convinced my plan had negative success. Not only had I failed to convince my parents that I was weak, but I somehow made them even more determined to turn me into a hero! In pure desperation, I turned to my last resort¡ªAstraia. "OI, ASTRAIA!" I mentally screamed. Poof! The little troublemaker appeared mid-air, looking way too pleased with herself. "Oh, Ryuk~! Did you need something from your adorable, responsible goddess?" "YEAH! AN EXPLANATION! WHY THE HELL ARE MY PARENTS LIKE THIS?!" Astraia giggled, covering her mouth with her tiny hands. "Oh, that''s easy! Your mom is blessed by Aqua, so naturally, she''s really, really excited about you! And your dad? Well, he''s the strongest warrior in the kingdom! Of course he wants you to follow in his footsteps!" "WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?!" Astraia tilted her head innocently. "Divine logic?" ¡­ I hate this. I hate everything. And just when I thought things couldn''t get worse¡ª "Oh!" Mom gasped suddenly, looking at me with wide, sparkly eyes. "Did you see that, love ? He''s glaring at us! He''s already developing his warrior''s spirit!!" No, I''m glaring at this little troublemaker floating between us! Dad smirked proudly. "Just like his old man. Hah! I knew my son would be a natural-born warrior!" Astraia, meanwhile, was floating in the air, barely holding back her laughter. ¡­This is fine. I''ll just have to move on to Plan B ! ... But even though Plan A failed miserably, I have Plan B ready to go: Hide. Forever. The goal is simple¡ªassassinate Zephiroth early and disappear before the world can shove me into another heroic disaster. Step 1: Grow up. (Simple enough.) Step 2: Train in secret. (Should be easy. Probably.) Step 3: By age seven, sneak into the demon realm and assassinate Zephiroth before he regains full power. (Totally doable. I think.) Step 4: Live a quiet, normal life without getting dragged into hero nonsense again. (Absolutely going to happen. No way this backfires.) See? Flawless plan. Nothing can possibly go wrong. And honestly, I''ve already killed Zephiroth once in my past life. Sure, it took 300 years of suffering, but the important part is¡ªI know all his weaknesses! I still can''t believe that guy coached me while fighting me to the death. "Ah, Ryukard, you''re attacking with too much brute force! Balance your mana output properly." "Your footwork is sloppy. Did you trip over your own feet just now?" "Try a different incantation next time, otherwise I''ll just counter it like this¡ª" HELLO?!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME TIPS?! AREN''T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE THE EVIL OVERLORD HERE?! I swear, even my magic academy teacher in my past life wasn''t this helpful. But whatever, thanks to him, I now have a shortcut to victory. Kill him early. Prevent his return. Live my peaceful, low-key human life. No more legendary battles. No more gods interfering. No more unwanted attention. Just me, my comfy little house, and¡ª ¡­Wait. Sylphiy. Crap. If I kill Zephiroth early¡­ I won''t meet her, right?! NONONONONONO¡ªTHIS WASN''T PART OF THE PLAN!!! Okay, okay, think. Backup strategy. I just need to casually bump into her later¡­ something cool and fate-like. Like, I''ll be wandering through the elf kingdom, looking mysterious, and then¡ª BOOM! Dramatic wind effect. She''ll see me and think: "Oh my, who is this tall, dark, and ridiculously handsome man with a tragic past?" And I''ll smirk, flip my cloak dramatically, and say: "Heh¡­ just a traveler." YES. PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS. ¡­Wait, why do I still feel like everything is going to go horribly wrong? "Eternis: A Month of Love… And Unavoidable Trauma" Alright, deep breaths. My "Hide Forever" plan is still on track. Two years down. Just one more year until I unlock magic, and then I can finally start Phase 2: Secret Training ¡­But seriously, how the hell did I survive this long? First off, teething. No one told me my own mouth would turn against me. Every day is just pain, drool, and an uncontrollable urge to bite anything within range. I have zero control over my own jaw. If I ever randomly bite my own tongue and die, let it be known that it was a betrayal from within. Then there''s Mother. The Cuddle Demon. The Affection Overlord. Her hugs? Inescapable. Her kisses? Infinite. Her energy? Illegal. I am convinced that if she had the option, she would physically merge me into her being just to keep me close forever. And don''t even get me started on Father. The Battle Lunatic. The Human Catapult. His idea of "playing" is to hurl me into the air and hope gravity remembers to return me. At this point, I am less of a baby, more of an experimental projectile. I swear, one day he''s gonna overshoot and send me into orbit. If I wasn''t blessed by literal gods, my life expectancy would''ve been in negative. Honestly, thinking back to my past life¡­ I must have had some protagonist-tier plot armor to have made it this far. For now, I just have to stay undercover. No skills. No weird movements. Just perfect, clueless baby behavior. Play dumb, stay safe, and pray I don''t get thrown like a javelin again. ¡­Though, knowing this chaotic family, my days of peaceful baby life are numbered. "Where is my lovely Ryuk?!" Mother''s overly energetic voice rang through the house. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Oh no. Here we go again¡­ Before I could even consider an escape route, she snatched me up, squeezing me against her like a plush toy. My face? Buried straight into her chest. "My lovely-dovely Ryuk! You missed your mommy, didn''t you?!" "NO. You were literally gone for ten minutes!" "Ehh? Don''t be shy~!" She giggled and squeezed me even tighter, burying me further into the abyss. "Mphhh¡­ Mphhh¡­ I¡­ I can''t breathe!!!" I tapped frantically on her back, trying to signal my distress. "Tee-hee~!" She finally let go, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Sorry, baby! I can''t help it! You''re just soooo cute!!!" Oh no. Here comes the rapid-fire kiss barrage¡­ Before I could even recover, she attacked. Cheek after cheek, peck after peck¡ªuntil my entire face was drenched in motherly affection and saliva. I swear, I was a legendary hero in my past life¡­ How did I end up like this?! But wait¡­ Mom looks way too excited today. I mean, she''s always like this, but today it feels¡­ extra. Oh. Oh no. It''s Eternis, the month of romance. And today is Loveris Eve. Loveris Eve¡ªa day of love and devotion where lovers and couples go all out, exchanging heartfelt gifts and sharing a special night together. And if I remember correctly¡­ Over in Aurealis, I became a big brother. Welp. That means I should go to sleep early and stay out of Mom and Dad''s way. No way am I getting caught up in whatever weirdly intense romance energy is floating around today. ¡­I just hope that battle maniac Dad hasn''t completely forgotten about Loveris Eve while drowning himself in guild work. Otherwise¡­ Yeah. I don''t even want to imagine Mom''s reaction. Ah, I''ll start preparing dinner!" She kissed me again¡ªseriously, how much affection does she have stored?!¡ªbefore finally letting my cheeks go. "Your father will be home soon! I gotta make lots of his favorite dishes!" She practically skipped into the kitchen, humming excitedly as she began preparing dinner. Yeah¡­ maybe I should just quietly exist tonight. No sudden movements. No unnecessary attention. Just a peaceful, non-disruptive baby¡­ I slowly turned toward my usual safe spot¡ªmy crib¡ª And so, I did what I did best¡ªpretend to sleep. A foolproof strategy for avoiding unnecessary chaos. ¡­Or so I thought. Even with my eyes shut tight, their Loveris Eve night echoed through the house¡­ I realized Dad is a real beast after all. I wish I was deaf. A Baby on the Way, and I’m Still a Baby?! Six months had passed since that horrifying Loveris Eve night¡­ and while I may never recover from the trauma, life had moved on. And by "moved on," I mean¡ªMom''s pregnant. Yeah. Let that sink in. I, Ryukard Blackfyre, former legendary hero, current oversized toddler, am about to become an older brother. Not that it''s a surprise to me. I already knew this was coming. My little sister, Asuna Blackfyre, is on her way. "Ryuuuuuukk!" Mom''s sing-song voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Uh-oh. She''s in full doting mode. Abort! Abort! Before I could escape, she scooped me up and squeezed me into one of her signature death hugs. Her warmth was familiar, but something felt different this time. Her belly, once flat, was now slightly round. "Ryuk, did you say good morning to your little sibling yet?" she cooed, guiding my tiny hand to her stomach. I blinked. "¡­Mom, they can''t hear me." "Of course they can!" She beamed. "Talk to them! Tell them how excited you are!" Excited? Who said anything about excited?! I turned to Dad, my last hope for sanity. He sat nearby, sipping his morning tea with the unshakable calm of a man who had already given up. "Just go with it, son," he said wisely. "Resistance is futile." Dad¡­ you were supposed to be the strong one! Mom nudged me again, her golden eyes sparkling with expectation. Okay, fine. Let''s just get this over with. I hesitantly placed my hand on her belly. "Uhh¡­ hey, Asuna. Hope you don''t bite me this time." You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. Mom gasped dramatically. "RYUK! You can''t say that!" "But she totally did in my past life," I muttered under my breath. "What was that?" "Uh¡ªnothing. I said, uh¡­ can''t wait to meet you, little sis!" Mom squealed, pulling me into another tight hug. "That''s my boy!" Dad smirked, ruffling my hair. "You''re gonna be a great big brother, Ryuk." Still¡­ being a big brother again won''t be bad. After all, she saved my back many times. I gotta repay her in this life. Dad leaned back in his chair, smirking as he sipped his tea. "Ah, and with that said¡ªyour birthday is coming up soon, Ryuk! You''re gonna unlock magic and finally start your life as a man!" A man? But wait¡­ he''s right. I''m turning three. Next month is Zephyria¡ªmy birthday. That means I''ll finally unlock magic¡­ which also means¡­ My Plan''s Phase 2 Begins. I clenched my tiny fists, feeling a surge of anticipation. Magic, huh? Heh. This is gonna be fun. I had already mastered over a thousand spells in my previous life, single-handedly wiped out 257,307 demons, and made battle-hardened warriors cry for their moms. And now, I get to do it all over again? Easy. Of course, I''ll have to play the part of a clueless toddler discovering magic for the first time, but that''s all part of the plan. Nothing I haven''t prepared for. I can already picture it¡ªpretending to struggle with basic spells, acting amazed when I "accidentally" pull off something impressive, and slowly cranking up my power until everyone just assumes I''m a prodigy. Flawless execution. "Ryuuuuuk~! You''re zoning out again!" Mom''s voice snapped me back to reality. I blinked. "Huh?" She giggled, ruffling my hair. "You looked all serious for a moment! Were you thinking about magic?" I grinned. "Uhh¡­ yeah, something like that." Dad chuckled. "It''s normal to be excited! Your first magic awakening is a big deal! We''ll throw a grand celebration!" Oh no. A celebration? That sounds dangerously close to being the center of attention. I needed a plan. There''s reason I''ve been avoiding people. Even though I reincarnated as myself, I don''t actually remember my own baby years. I mean, does anyone? No one recalls their first burp or their epic battles against mashed peas. But I do remember everything from age four onward¡ªafter I accidentally drank that drop of holy miracle water! And that''s exactly why I''ve been avoiding unnecessary human interaction till now. How the hell am I supposed to act like a regular toddler when I have zero idea how I used to behave at this age? If I suddenly go from baby babbling to full-blown eloquence, people might start asking questions I don''t want to answer. So, my best strategy? Low-profile mode. Minimal words. Maximum cuteness. But now, with my birthday creeping up, avoiding people is about to become way harder. Old faces, new interactions¡­ Ugh. This feels more stressful than fighting the entire Demon Army.