《Chains of Duty Chains of Desrie》


 1. Turmoil

    ¡°Sylvester! I said 2 minutes! Hurry your ass up!¡± My boss, Mr. Tucker, yelled from the backdoor of the bar.


    I couldn¡¯t be upset, he saved me from a grim trip to the past in my whirling thoughts. Small embers glistened in the twilight as I squished my cigarette on the ground. That beautiful color reminds me of his heart-piercing gaze¡­


    It had been a year since I decided. I couldn¡¯t be the secret anymore, the side piece in a twisted love story that was supposed to be mine. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still feel the warmth of his body against me, the way his hands would roam, igniting a fire that both thrilled and terrified me.


    But not enough for me to push him away every time he kisses my neck. Nibble on my earlobe and whispered in his husky voice ¡°Fuck, Syl¡­ you¡¯re gonna be mine tonight huh?¡±


    I hated myself and still am for being so easy. Just another hole for him to snuggle his cock in. It always starts with him showing up in the bar, standing almost taller than the doorframe, like an apex hunter knowing his prey. Whenever hungry, he¡¯ll come to the spot that guarantees a meal. But I had to draw the line somewhere, after countless nights spent tangled in the sheets, surrounded by that familiar sex musk that no one can describe the smell of. Passionately making out as the moonlight kisses our skin. Falling asleep with his arms around me, only to wake up to the reality of his world ¡ª his girlfriend, his career¡ª I decided it was time to break free and be absolute¡­ But moving on wasn¡¯t as easy as I thought it would be.


    Well¡­ I lied; I knew that it would be an uphill battle. My weak ass love deprived loser. Lack of a father figure as a child. This conflict seems to be unwinnable most of the time. I created an illusion of victory by focusing on my job.I poured my heart and soul into my work, shaking cocktails, serving drinks, meeting strangers and sometimes even hooking up with the customers. It was mainly men twice my age, as I felt safe with them. But none can fill that hole like hedoes¡­ Every time the door swung open and the bell jingled, my heart would skip a beat. I expected him to walk in with that cocky grin, the one that made my stomach twist and turn. But he never did; he is not a creep. He respects myfalse wishes. If I tell him not to show up, he won¡¯t. Part of it was fear. The picture-perfect image of a handsome young man, serving his country as a marine with a conventionally beautiful girlfriend that I could easily ruin. But he knowsdeep down that I wouldn¡¯t hurt him that way, that my heart belongs to him, and our desire for each other is paralleled.


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    It wasn¡¯t long before I started to read his persistent texts on my notifications screen. At first, they were casual, full of humor and playful teasing, a glimpse of the connection we once shared. But as the days turned into weeks, his messagestook on a more desperate tone.


    ¡°Just wanna grab a drink.¡± he¡¯d say. ¡°Can we talk? I miss you...¡±


    I¡¯d read them over and over, my chest would get tight with the memories of our stolen moments. I could picture him, that strong marine inhis uniform, the world¡¯s weight on his shoulders, yet behind closed doors, he was mine. My heart ached for that intimacy, but I remembered the pain, the way I felt when I realized I was just a secret. Yet my hands itched from restraining totype back, it was almost painful to the point that it was unbearable. So¡­ I scratched¡­ Reluctantly, I reread my own text for what felt like a thousand times before my shaking thumb hit the send button.


    ¡°Hey. You know where to find me.¡±

 2. Where it all begins again.

    A wave of regret washed over me. Why? Why did I let myself do that? For an entire year, I had managed to ignore him. Yet I started it again, fully aware that the blame rests solely on my shoulders. Yet, despite the lessons of the heart that echo in my mind, I find myself helplessly drawn back into the embrace of love''s intoxicating allure. It was a quiet Tuesday night, the kind where the world outside seemed to hold its breath. I began to tidy up the place. My hands moved instinctively over the familiar surfaces, each movement imbued with a bittersweet longing, as if the very air around me held the promise that he would come. The Marine barracks is a ten-minute walk away from here. He should''ve shown up by now if he truly wanted to see me. Perhaps this was for the best. Yet, a part of me simmered with anger. Wasn¡¯t this what I had wanted all along? For him to make a choice?


    "Fuck, I could really use a drink right now," I sighed, the weight of boredom settling heavily upon me.


    "Yep, same here... Make two," Mr. Tucker chimed in, with his eyes glued on his screen. Frustration etched on his face, as if he was in the same situation as I am.


    As I poured the rum and Coke, the door swung open. A gust of cool evening air swept in, accompanied by the unmistakable presence of a man who seemed to command attention effortlessly. My heart raced as if the world had paused just for us. There he stood, looking the same as ever¡ª rugged, handsome, and heartbreakingly familiar. With firm steps, he walks in. Letting the warm amber glow of the bar wrap around him like an embrace. His dark blonde hair was cut short and neat, with a polished finish that highlighted his chiseled features. A well-defined nose, strong yet elegant, lent an air of rugged sophistication to his face, while a five o''clock shadow traced the line of his jaw, adding to his allure. The faint scent of saltwater clung to him, a reminder of the sea, conjuring images of his pale skin contrasting against the deep blue and the thrill of adventure beckoning just beyond the horizon.


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    "Gunner!" Mr. Tucker''s sharp voice jolted me from my trance. "Long time no see boy!"


    "Mr. Tucker! Yo man... Believe me, if it were up to me, I''d be here every day," Gunner said, flashing a charming smile as he glanced my way. But that smile faltered when he caught the hint of anger in my eyes that was struggling to conceal the joy bubbling inside of me.


    ¡°Hey,¡± he said, his voice low and laden with emotion.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral.


    He approached, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, a nervous energy radiating off him. ¡°Can we talk?¡±


    ¡°About what? The same old story?¡± I couldn¡¯t help the bitterness that seeped into my words. "I¡¯m not some dog that wags its tail every time you call.¡± I struggled out from my throat, which seemed to be filled with grief. My eyes started to burn, poised to spill a mix of joy and sorrow.


    "Ahem..." Mr. Tucker cleared his throat, plainly demanding our attention. "Imma go... Sylvester, mind closing up? Don''t forget to turn off all the lights and the TV too, and make sure you lock the door!"


    "That''s a copy, sir," Gunner replied in my stead.


    "Damn right Gunner. Be seeing ya. Oh, and boys...  Play nice, okay?" My boss strolled to the front door, determined to leave this tension as soon as he could. The bell jingled as the door closed, leaving a quiet stillness in the cozy space until Gunner broke the silence.


    ¡°Please, just hear me out,¡± he pleaded, stepping closer. ¡°I don¡¯t want to lose you.¡±


    But he was already losing me. I could feel it, that tightrope we walked, the way he pulled me into his world only to shove me back out when reality hits.