《Gacha Gacha Hero》 Promo 0 How my Childhood Friend with the Strongest Power Summoned the Demon Lord ¡°Gather around children we have a special demonstration for you today.¡± The Schoolmarm gestured at the young children trying to get them to sit in a neat semicircle. A number of wooden benches had been set up at the edge of the market square to keep the kids out of the way of other pedestrians. The Teacher turned to a man with a white beard standing beside her. ¡°This is craftsman Letterman. He¡¯ll be showing us his process for making a clock today. I want you all to pay careful attention. If you study hard then one day you too will be able to use magic to create incredible things. Whenever you¡¯re ready Master Letterman.¡± The schoolmarm stepped to the side. The older man nodded slightly and then moved to a table set up in the center of the group of children. ¡°The art of summoning is the single greatest power we have as mortals. With it you can reach into the ether beyond our world, into the raw chaos of magic, and then use that power to manifest a physical object¡­ out of nothing.¡± The craftsman looked around meaningfully at the gathered group of children. ¡°There can be no higher expression of creativity!¡± He suddenly raised his arms above his head and pointed his chin into the air. ¡°To make something from nothing is a supreme art and many of you will spend your entire lives trying to master it.¡± He looked back down at the grade schoolers in front of him. Their blank stares and fidgeting hands lacked the overwhelming awe that he had been expecting. ¡°Anyway.¡± *Cough* ¡°To summon an item you must first concentrate. Visualize the object you desire and create an image of it in your mind.¡± The old man closed his eyes. One of the children used this as an opportunity to pick his nose. ¡°Once you have selected the object¡¯s form you need to spend your mana to create it. Feel the mana flowing inside of you and focus it on the object that you have envisioned.¡± The craftsman spread his hands shoulder width apart in front of himself. As if by magic, wait¡­ As by magic a glowing circle appeared on the table in front of him. For the first time the children paid attention. They leaned forward on their little benches. And not just them. Several people walking through the marketplace turned to watch what was happening as well. ¡°Once you have the object visualized and have gathered your mana the final step is the ¡®Pull¡¯. The act of actually drawing the object into our world and giving it physical form.¡± Some people say that the feeling of summoning a physical object, of creating something from nothing, is indescribable. Others say it¡¯s like sneezing the color purple. Whatever the sensation might be, it happened anyway. One moment there was nothing on the table. The next moment there was a shimmering light that slowly took the shape of a mechanical clock. With a final flourish of the craftsman¡®s hands the magical lights disappeared and the timepiece clattered softly onto the table. The old man stepped back with a satisfied look on his face. There was a soft applause from the assembled crowd and some of the more polite children. ¡°That was very impressive wasn¡¯t it children?¡± The Schoolmarm nodded enthusiastically to her class. ¡°Now then does anyone have any questions for Master Letterman after that wonderful demonstration?¡± Some of the children raised their hands. ¡°Can you do it again?¡± asked a kid. ¡°No. It takes time for the mana within a person¡¯s body to recharge.¡± The craftsman folded his hands in front of him as he replied. ¡°How long?¡± asked a child. ¡°The average time is twenty eight days. But there are some that say¡­¡± ¡°Why can¡¯t we make stuff?¡± The children were now shouting out their questions without waiting to be called on. The older man tried to keep up with their shouts. ¡°Children need to wait until their bodies become used to mana. When you all become teenagers then you can start¡­¡± ¡°Can I make a sword?¡± *Cough* ¡°Yes. If you want too¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to make a magic sword! And it will go,¡± *Swoosh* *Swoosh* ¡°Kapow!¡± ¡°Good for you.¡± Master Letterman shrugged. ¡°Why did you make a clock?¡± Master Letterman straightened up. ¡°Well you see, a clock is a precise instrument. It takes many years of study and practice to be able to summon such a complicated object. There are a number of moving parts that need to be properly visualized¡­¡± ¡°My daddy made a wagon once!¡± ¡°That¡¯s not really a question¡­ but good for him.¡± said the older man. ¡°My mommy made a goose!¡± ¡°That¡¯s nice¡­¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t a goose!¡± The children were yelling at each other now. ¡°Yes it was.¡± Cried the child. ¡°No. It was a duck and it had two heads!¡± Shouted the other child. The craftsman tried to get the children back on topic. ¡°Actually summoning live animals is almost impossible through common pulls. Now inanimate objects on the other hand¡­¡± ¡°It was a real goose! It just died when its head exploded!¡± The two children began to wrestle. They tumbled off of their wooden stools onto the ground. The gathered townsfolk decided that they had other business that they should get back to and started to disperse. The Teacher was leaning against a nearby wall eating apple slices. The old man tried to maintain order. *Ahem* ¡°Are there any other questions? Actual questions.¡± ¡°Daddy says pulls are random.¡± ¡°Well your father is wrong. It takes years of careful preparation and training to be able to pull properly. If you follow the correct summoning steps then you can always get what you envision. There¡¯s no randomness to it.¡± said the craftsman. ¡°Then why does your clock have a funny face?¡± ¡°What?¡± The old man leaned over the table to examine the clock. While not visible from behind the face of the clock had an exaggerated yellow lid that jutted out over the top and bottom of the clock face at an angle. The effect made it look like the face of the clock was being held inside the open beak of a bird. Now that he looked closely he could see that the feet of the clock¡¯s case were also painted yellow. There were little zigzags running down the side like wings. And two large screws secured to the front gave the impression of eyes. In truth if he had to pick a bird that the clock looked like he would have said it was a¡­ *Cough* ¡°That was a little bit of artistic license. I used my mana to add some extra features to it.¡± Craftsman Letterman waved his hand dismissively. ¡°What if we don¡¯t have any mana?¡± A child asked. ¡°Well then you can¡¯t get anything. Nothing in this world is free. You have to pay for it.¡± ¡°If we have to pay for it can we just summon money?¡± ¡°No, that''s illegal.¡± The old man grumbled. ¡°Why.¡± ¡°Because it creates an inflationary feedback loop.¡± ¡°What¡¯s a loop?¡± ¡°What¡¯s a loop!? That¡¯s what you don¡¯t understand about all this?¡± Craftsman Letterman turned pointedly to the children¡¯s school teacher. ¡°Is this lesson over yet? I have other business that I need to take care of.¡± ¡°Huh? Oh yes. That¡¯s enough for today.¡± The Schoolmarm had been leaning against a wall eating apple slices. She carefully folded her switchblade and put it and the rest of her apple in her apron pocket. ¡°Come along children. It¡¯s time for us to head back to the classroom. Make sure to thank Master Letterman for his helpful demonstration.¡± ¡°Thanks magger leddman.¡± came the garbled reply from the kids as they were led away. # Two of the townsfolk were examining the clock as the children left. They stood arm in arm in front of the display table. ¡°What an unusual design.¡± The man leaned in closer to examine the clock. ¡°But it does seem to work fine. I wonder what they¡¯ll do with it now.¡± The woman he was with held his hand. ¡°Probably burn it.¡±, came the reply from a stranger. The two townsfolk turned to see a young man examining the clock with them. The young man continued without looking at them. ¡°Master Letterman¡¯s workshop is built on top of a mana point so he can recharge at a faster rate than most people. Also he¡¯s got plenty of apprentices working for him that can do dailies and increase mana gain. Plus recycling complicated objects like this requires a lot of time and effort. For a craftsman of his stature there¡¯s no reason to keep a low tier item that might reduce his reputation.¡± The young man turned to the other townsfolk with a wry smile. ¡°So yeah. Probably burn it.¡± Ash was lean for his age. More sinew and bone than muscle and fat. His mother always nagged him that he should eat more. It annoyed him that she was probably right. Ash¡¯s clothes were slightly too short for his frame. They left his skinny wrists and ankles exposed. The color of his clothes was unusual. Starting at his shoulders they were white, but then continuing down his body they formed one slowly shifting gradient all the way to the legs of his pants where they turned black. There were also patches of soot covering his hands and feet. His hair was dark but also covered with a fine layer of dust and ash. The overall look of him was that of a tea bag left too long in the kettle and then slightly burned at the edges. The townsfolk politely tried to make small talk. ¡°Are you familiar with Master Letterman? Do you perhaps ¡­ work in his shop?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± The lanky boy replied. ¡°So you¡¯re not a craftsman?¡± ¡°Not unless you count wood chips as high art.¡± Ash nudged a basket full of charcoal that was sitting at his feet. Ash turned and looked at the couple. He stared closely at the man. ¡°You sure are sweating a lot.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± The man looked surprised. ¡°Yes well, it is rather hot today.¡± He tugged at his collar. ¡°No, it''s more than that. You¡¯re not used to wearing tailored shirts and jackets. You work with your sleeves rolled up. Looking at the faded scars on your hands I¡¯m going to guess you have a job in meat packing?¡± said Ash. The woman turned to her companion. ¡°Wait a minute you told me you were a vegetarian.¡± The man blushed in response. ¡°I am. A butcher can be a vegetarian.¡± ¡°You said that you love animals.¡± she said. ¡°I do. I work with them all the time. I just forgot to mention that they¡¯re not alive when I handle them.¡± The woman looked upset. The man tried to recover. ¡°But I don¡¯t eat them¡­ at least not the ones that I butcher personally.¡± ¡°This is outrageous! Do you even own a boat?¡± The man chuckled. ¡°Darling¡­ we live in a temperate forest region three hundred miles from the coast.¡± Ash took some time to examine the couple again. ¡°Seeing how you two stopped to watch the demonstration I¡¯m guessing that you didn¡¯t come down to the marketplace today to find some lost jewelry.¡± ¡°What?¡± The woman looked up. Ash pointed to the lady¡¯s hand. ¡°I just noticed you¡¯ve got a tan on your finger. Right where a wedding band would be.¡± The woman quickly folded her hands. ¡°That is¡­ I was having it resized is all.¡± The color drained from the man¡¯s cheeks. ¡°Wait a moment. Do you have a wedding ring? You didn¡¯t tell me you were married.¡± ¡°Well you didn¡¯t tell me you worked for a living!¡± The couple started shouting at each other and hurriedly walked away from the marketplace Ash watched them leave. ¡°Will this town ever run out of fools?¡± ¡°Hey there Ash!¡±, came a voice from behind. ¡°I guess not.¡± Ash groaned. Ash closed his eyes for three seconds then turned to face the young man walking towards him. ¡°Hello Jack.¡± Jack was broad of shoulder and square of jaw. He had the kind of glowing smile that comes naturally to those that know they¡¯ve been born handsome. His vest was tailored to show off his strong arms and his breeches were cut tight and high to display his taught calves. Like his father and grandfather Jack had a streak of silver gray hair that started at his temple and rolled back across his head to the nape of his neck. Jack watched the former couple loudly bicker their way across the marketplace. ¡°Really Ash? Are you so miserable that you can¡¯t help but spoil other people¡¯s happiness? Maybe if you could actually make something good you wouldn¡¯t be so quick to complain about other people. Isn¡¯t that right guys?¡±, he said to a group standing behind him. Three other teenagers followed closely behind Jack. Ted was the largest. A well fed young man he was as wide as he was tall. He wore his curly hair short. Ted¡¯s clothes were always made of thick wool. Perfect for the chilly winter except that he also wore them in the summer. For some reason he was never bothered by the temperature. Lilly came next. Unlike the others she rarely paid any attention to any of Jack¡¯s exclamations. Her straight hair was so long it hung past her knees. Patches of it were burned and discolored. She dressed in a plain pair of trousers and a beige jacket. She also wore a series of belts over her shoulders. Each one was filled with an assortment of beakers, bottles, and flasks. There were so many she often had to hold the belts still when she walked to prevent them from clacking against each other. Finally there was Charity. Charity had a hawk¡¯s nose and wore her wavy hair just above her shoulders. She had slender fingers and moved with a dancer¡¯s grace. Which was appropriate considering she had been trained in dance since she was a child. Charity had dark eyes. Not because of the color. Her irises were a shade of sunset over the mountains. But when Charity smiled the smile never went past her cheeks. When you looked at Charity she was always looking back. Charity was the one that spoke as they fanned out around Ash. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t pick on him Jack. You know he doesn¡¯t have it easy like you do.¡± Jack puffed out his chest. ¡°I know Charity. I was just giving him a hard time.¡± He turned back to Ash. ¡°Just a little friendly conversation. I know that he doesn¡¯t get much living out at the edge of the woods.¡± Jack pulled at the hem of his jacket. Ash looked closer. The jacket was new. Tailored to Jack¡¯s athletic physique. He was out for a walk around the town. He needed to make sure everyone remembered he was the Mayor¡¯s son. ¡°It¡¯s funny, outside of town the roosters only crow in the morning. But inside of town they crow every time they get a new jacket.¡± Ash remarked. Charity politely stifled a laugh but made no attempt to hide the sneer on her face. Jack looked angry but confused. ¡°What did you say?¡± ¡°Just making friendly conversation.¡± Ash pretended to be civil. ¡°Is that right?¡± Jack stepped toe to toe with Ash. ¡°Let me give you some advice, friend. We¡¯re not kids anymore. Being such a smart mouth loner is only going to get you in trouble. Especially when you¡¯re conversing with the future Mayor of Star Town.¡± Jack put his hands on his hips. The muscles under his shirt flexed. Jack already had the body of a young adult. Standing next to him Ash looked more like a scarecrow than a young man. Ash noticed that one of the buttons on Jack¡¯s new jacket was missing. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°I see that you¡¯re missing a button there Jack.¡± Ash held his hand palm up between them. A small magic circle appeared for an instant over his palm. There was a ¡®snap¡¯ of magical power. A collection of little wooden circles appeared in Ash¡¯s outstretched hand. ¡°Here you go friend.¡± Ash gave his most sarcastic smile. He flipped up the front pocket of Jack¡¯s coat and dumped the handful of wooden buttons inside. ¡°Plenty of spares so that you don¡¯t have to worry about that happening again.¡± Ash patted the pocket a few times. Jack looked annoyed. When Ash pulled back there was sooty hand print perfectly outlined on the front of Jack¡¯s pocket. Ash winced. He forgot that he had been carrying charcoal into town. ¡°That was¡­ here maybe I can¡­ ¡° He leaned over and tried to wipe the dust off. Ash smeared the front of the jacket. A cloud of dust puffed off of the cuff of his shirt and rained down even more soot onto Jack¡¯s clothes. ¡°No. That just made it worse.¡± Jack looked down then back up. ¡°Did you just¡­!?¡±, he stammered in anger. He looked behind him for encouragement. Charity gave a polite laugh. Lilly played with the laces on her belts. Ted picked a loose thread off of his wool coat. Jack turned back with a menacing grin. ¡°Come on Ash just because you¡¯re named after burnt wood doesn¡¯t mean you have to live in a fireplace. If you can¡¯t keep yourself clean then, here, let me help you out.¡± Jack snapped his fingers. There was a crackle of energy. By magic a bucket of water appeared over Ash¡¯s head. It hung there motionless as it came into being. Then gravity took over and it fell down. The wooden bottom of the bucket collided with Ash¡¯s head. As the bucket bounced off of his skull water splashed over the sides and soaked Ash¡¯s head and shoulders. ¡°Oww! Dammit!¡± Ash clutched his head. Lilly winced at the sound. ¡°Uh? What was that? I think you really hurt him Jack.¡± Jack looked at least a little embarrassed that Ash was injured. ¡°That was¡­ It was supposed to fall upside down. He needed a bath anyway.¡± ¡°Be careful Jack.¡± Charity chidded. ¡°His head isn¡¯t as hard as yours.¡± Jack frowned at her remark and tried to look away. Ash used the opportunity to lunge forward and plant his shoulder against the other boy¡¯s midsection. Despite the difference in their sizes Jack was caught off guard and tumbled backwards. Ash landed on top of the other boy as they both fell. He pushed up off the ground so that he was straddling Jack¡¯s hips. ¡°You think I need a bath? Here! Why don¡¯t you have a shower!¡± Ash yelled down at him. Ash leaned over Jack¡¯s prone body and angled his neck so that the top of his head was pointed directly at Jack¡¯s face. Then he quickly swept his hands over his hair repeatedly. Wet droplets of water mixed with dirt and soot rained down on the figure beneath him. ¡°Ahh! Ahh! It¡¯s so gross!¡± Jack tried to shield his face as best he could. Ash stood back up straight. He felt a little lightheaded but the look on Jack¡¯s face was worth it. Jack tried to brush the filth off of his face and shoulders. ¡°You filthy forest weed! You like being so dirty? Fine. We¡¯ll toss you in the stable yards.¡± Jack pointed at the larger teen behind him. ¡°Ted! Get him!¡± Ted took a step forward and reached towards him. Ash took off running across the market square before Ted could reach him. # ¡°I really did it today.¡± Ash was talking to himself as he ran through the streets. ¡°Normally I know when to shut up and let Jack have his laughs.¡± He vaulted over a low stone wall and then turned a corner into a side street. ¡°I know how to keep my mouth shut and my head down.¡± As he ran down the alley a cat hissed at him from a nearby windowsill. ¡°Shut up! I¡¯m not lying! You¡¯re lying.¡± The cat gave him the scornful look that all cats reserve for humans that try to engage them in conversation. ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this.¡± Ash could hear Jack¡¯s heavy footfalls on one street over. Jack wanted to show off today. Ash had ruined his chance. A mischievous smile appeared on Ash¡¯s face. ¡°If I¡¯m already in trouble. No point in not making a complete nuisance of myself.¡± # Ash pushed open the gate of a shoulder height wooden fence between two houses. He slammed the door behind him. Then he turned and held out a hand. Summoning an object with magic doesn¡¯t take much time if you don¡¯t care about quality. Ash had long ago given up on caring. As his magic took effect a bundle of sticks a meter long appeared behind him. He took only a second more to jam the sticks underneath one of the gate¡¯s wooden crossbeams before he turned and ran to the other side of the yard. *Slam* Ash heard someone bounce off of the gate behind him. The sticks were small and weak by themselves but if you packed enough of them together they worked as an effective doorstop. ¡°What the? He¡¯s locked the gate! Ted! Break it down.¡±, came a voice from the other side of the fence. *Crunch*Snap* The sound of a heavy boot hitting the gate was followed by the sound of the sticks breaking. Ted and Jack were both heavier than Ash by a lot. Their combined weight turned the sticks into splinters. Ash continued his escape. ¡°I can¡¯t get away by slowing them down¡­ So maybe I should try to speed them up instead.¡± He pondered to himself as he ran past a large green bush in the yard. # Ash turned another corner. He saw a group of alley dogs picking through some trash behind one of the bakeries. ¡°Here puppers. Over here.¡± Ash waved to get their attention. He held out his hand and concentrated this time looking for a more specific result. There was a flash of light and a fist sized pile of bacon bits appeared in his palm. Without looking he could tell the bacon itself was tough and leathery. It probably contained too much salt and would taste like a pig¡¯s ear. But it looked like bacon. And more importantly it smelled like bacon. ¡°Who¡¯s hungry?¡± Ash tossed the bacon bits into the street behind him. The dogs leapt up to chase after their new treat. # As Jack rounded the corner he was utterly unprepared to see a herd of dogs flying down the lane towards him. The first one knocked him off of his feet. The followers took the easy path in front of them and bounced on top of Jack using his body as a springboard to get past. The first used his shoulders, the next his stomach, and the final dog planted its paws firmly on his groin before jumping away to join the others. Jack clutched at his meat and two veg and tried to curl into a ball. ¡°What¡¯s the matter Jack?¡± Ash called down at him from a set of stairs at the end of the street. ¡°Is it nap time already?¡± ¡°You¡­ little¡­ piss stain.¡± Jack panted as he slowly got to his feet. ¡°When I catch you I¡¯m going to throw you in the river.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll have to catch me first.¡± Ash sprinted up the stairs. # Jack reached the top of the stairs. He was panting heavily. The stairs led to the end of a small residential street that was set between a number of split level homes. The street stretched off in one direction over a hill back towards the marketplace. Ash was facing away from Jack trying to open a locked door into one of the houses at the top of the incline. ¡°Now you¡¯re going to get it.¡± Jack took a step forward. There was a clatter of wood beneath his shoe. He suddenly struggled to maintain his balance. Ash stopped pretending to open the door and turned around with a grin on his face. ¡°Watch that last step Jack.¡± He said. What Jack had failed to notice was a line of rolling pins that had been placed on the ground right in front of the curve of the hill. They were set all in a row with their rollers all facing the same direction like the wheels of an empty cart. Jack tried to keep his balance and accidentally stepped up so that both of his feet were on top of the pins. The young man wobbled precariously on top of the line of rolling pins for three delicate seconds. Then Ted reached the top of the stairs right behind him. With no more space on the stairs Ted stepped onto the top of the hill and ever so gently bumped Jack with his belly. Jack fell forward. The rolling pin sled underneath him started to spin forward. Ash and Ted watched as Jack¡¯s momentum carried him over the lip of the sloped street. The next second he plunged down the street towards the marketplace. ¡°Aaaahhhhhhh!¡± Jack shouted as he slid down the angled street on a line of rolling pins. Ash and Ted stared from the top of the hill. *Sigh* Ted sighed. ¡°He really should have watched his step.¡± Just before Jack reached the end of the street the rolling pins spun out from underneath him. He tumbled the last five feet into the gutter at the bottom of the hill. Ash winced. ¡°That looked painful. One of us should really go down there and help him.¡± He and Ted looked at each other. Ash put out a sympathetic hand. ¡°No, no. I¡¯ll do it. Out of the goodness of my heart.¡± Ash trotted off down the hill. # At the bottom of the slope Jack was trying to get to his feet. He was covered from shoulders to shins with mud and garbage from the gutter. ¡°Here use this.¡± Ash held out a green sheet to Jack. ¡°Oh! Thank you.¡± Jack grabbed the offered material from Ash¡¯s hand. Jack quickly wiped the mud from his face. As he finished he looked down at what he thought was a green cloth. He shook it once. As the mud on it was shaken loose he could see that it was a large green leaf. ¡°This isn¡¯t a handkerchief.¡± He said. ¡°Nope.¡± Ash replied. ¡°What the moons is this?¡± ¡°That¡¯s a leaf of poison oak.¡± Jack stared at the three wide green leaflets of the plant in his hand. He looked back up at Ash but Ash had already retreated out of retaliation range. ¡°Aaarrrgh!¡± Jack¡¯s face had already started to turn red. His cheeks puffed out as he started scratching his irritated skin. ¡°It itches. It itches so bad!¡± ¡°Calm down Jack. And stop scratching yourself. That¡¯s only going to make it worse.¡± Charity was walking towards them. She slapped Jack¡¯s hands to prevent him from touching his face any more. ¡°Look at his face. He looks like a balloon.¡± Lilly leaned over to examine the young man. ¡°Lilly stop staring.¡± Charity gathered them up and steered them out of the gutter. ¡°Take Jack back to the house and get him some lotion.¡± ¡°I think I have some calamine some where.¡± Lilly sorted through the bottles on her person. ¡°Take him home first. Make sure that he washes his hands as well.¡± Charity directed the others. Ted and Lilly took Jack by the arms and started leading him back down the street. Jack let out a few *Groans* as the other two steered him down the street. Charity turned to face Ash. ¡°I suppose you¡¯re proud of yourself?¡± Ash tried to act innocent. ¡°Not at all. I just thought that Jack might enjoy a bath too. Now he can take a nice relaxing soak at home.¡± ¡°Is that right? And the poison oak?¡± she asked. Ash jammed a sprig of leaves back into his pants pocket. ¡°That was an honest mistake. I live in the woods after all.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re going to act like a wild animal then maybe it''s better that you stay in the woods.¡± Charity purposefully stared past Ash. ¡°By the way Ash, it looks like someone tossed your basket of charcoal into the garbage.¡± ¡°And you didn¡¯t happen to see who did it, did you Charity?¡± Ash did his best to keep any emotion from showing on his face. ¡°Sorry. You boys were making so much noise I wasn¡¯t paying attention. It wasn¡¯t important was it?¡± Charity examined her nails. ¡°No. Like you said Charity. It was just garbage.¡± ¡°Try not to lose track of your things again Ash. You have so little of value after all.¡± Charity gave him a pitiable smile. It was the kind of smile that could curdle milk. ¡°Yes Charity. Thanks for your help.¡± *Cough* ¡°As always.¡± # Ash packed the fire shaft of his charcoal pile with more leaves and twigs. He had stacked the charcoal pile yesterday but hadn¡¯t started burning it yet. The charcoal burning field was located in a clearing near the forest outside of town. Ash was the only one that used the field. The construction of the pile was methodical and took him almost the entire day to complete. First Ash had to stack the logs into a rough pile of concentric circles. Each of the logs needed to be arranged at a slight angle so that the pile would collapse inward as it burned. At the center of the pile he carved out a small hollowed section for a chimney that he then filled with kindling. After the wood placement was finished came the process of sealing the pile. A layer of leaves, then dirt, then sod needed to be shoveled onto the exterior of the pile. Each layer was patted into place and lightly watered so that it would create an airtight barrier between the burning wood and the outside. Ash looked at the finished charcoal pile. Then he held out his hand. Several baskets of charcoal materialized beside him. ¡°No one will know the difference anyway.¡± # Ash walked back towards his house at the edge of the woods outside of town. He saw the family goat sitting patiently beside the door. ¡°Hey there Goateus.¡± He stopped to scratch the beast between its horns. ¡°Keeping a good watch over the house?¡± ¡°Maaahhh¡± Came the goat¡¯s reply. ¡°Good boy. What are you hungry for today?¡± *Stomp*Stomp* One stomp for oats. Two stomps for corn. Three stomps for barley. ¡°Corn it is.¡± Ash held out his hand and concentrated. Ten withered ears of corn fell to the ground in front of him. The goat wasn¡¯t put off by the lackluster quality of its food and started attacking the kernels and cob alike. Ash petted the goat one more time and then walked inside his home. # ¡°There you are Ash. Where have you been? You got a letter.¡± Ash¡¯s mother was cleaning the kitchen of their two room cottage. ¡°I was out at the charcoal pit. Like always.¡± He passively responded. ¡°Did you eat? You look so skinny lately.¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I ate lunch at the pit.¡± Ash lied. ¡°Your shirt is getting so dirty. It¡¯s about time for me to make you a new one isn¡¯t it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. Don¡¯t bother. I would just get soot stains on the new one anyway.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t go to sleep all covered in soot like that.¡± ¡°I know mom. I¡¯ll clean up before dinner.¡± Ash opened the door to the pantry, then closed it and turned right back around. ¡°What do you mean by a letter?¡± ¡°A letter. It¡¯s addressed to you. Someone left it on the door while you were out.¡± His mother gestured towards the table with her chin. That made Ash pause. Jack wouldn¡¯t have bothered writing his name on a revenge note. Jack hardly bothered writing at all. Ash walked to the table in their kitchen. There was a fresh paper envelope sitting on the table. Ash furrowed his brow and picked the letter up. He turned it over in his hands. There was a wax seal and everything. He opened the envelope and read the message inside. # ¡°Hey there Ash my boy. Come to visit my shop again?¡± ¡°Hey there Mr Smithe.¡± Ash gave a halfhearted wave at the blacksmith. ¡°I¡¯ve got another load of charcoal for you here.¡± Ash avoided eye contact as he set his basket down on the counter of the blacksmith¡¯s workshop. The older man put down his tools and wiped his hands on the back of his apron. Mr Smithe was very concerned with the cleanliness of his shop. Mr Smithe was one of the town blacksmiths. His shop was right next to the Eastern Gate sandwiched between the stables and the East Inn. Mr Smithe had broad shoulders and thick arms. His hands were strong and calloused from hard labor and his voice had a rough gravelly flavor that came from spending most of his life standing next to a smoking furnace. In his youth he had possessed the angular features and sharp musculature of a bronze statue. Now that he was in his fifties age had softened some of his edges. Ash could see his round cheeks behind his beard and his growing gut starting to push out the front of his apron. Mr Smithe always liked to shout out his hellos to Ash when he saw him coming in through the East gate. Sometimes Ash went the long way around to the North or South gates just to avoid the attention. But Mr Smithe was also his best customer and always paid a fair price for his charcoal so there was no point delaying the inevitable today. ¡°I was expecting you earlier. Did you decide to take the morning off?¡± The blacksmith squinted up at the noonday sun. ¡°Oh? No. I meant to come by I just had to¡­¡± Ash stalled for time as he remembered his encounter with Jack and the others. ¡°I just had to clean up a little.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a good idea. Wash your face and I¡¯m sure that the girls in town would be falling all over a handsome young lad like yourself.¡± ¡°Ha, ha. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re right Mr Smithe. Anyway about today¡¯s delivery.¡± ¡°Of course. Let me just balance the books real quick.¡± The muscular man pulled a leather bound ledger off of his shelf. He examined the basket of charcoal that Ash had brought and made a few quick notes. ¡°There we are. I¡¯ll turn this in to the Commerce Guild later.¡± He shut the book and turned to Ash. ¡°What about you? Maybe you would like to stick around today? Hmmm? Test out the forge? You¡¯re always welcome to stay and learn the trade.¡± ¡°Thanks Mr Smithe. Maybe some other time.¡± Ash said only paying half attention. ¡°So you¡¯re heading back home then?¡± The blacksmith gave him a curious glance. ¡°No, I''ll probably stick around the town for a bit.¡± Ash fidgeted with the letter in his pocket. ¡°I have some errands that I need to take care of.¡± He turned back to the smith. ¡°It might take me a while.¡± ¡°I see.¡± The older man put his ledger away. He folded his apron and set it down next to his anvil. ¡°Well then, maybe I¡¯ll close up shop early. I could head over to the Commerce Guild right now.¡± Ash looked distractedly into the crowd of people that were coming through the East Gate. ¡°That sounds good Mr Smithe. I¡¯ll see you later.¡± ¡°Of course Ash. Drop by at any time my boy.¡± # "Meet me by the fountain in the marketplace." Ash read the letter out loud one more time. Ash scanned the marketplace. There was someone sitting at the edge of the fountain wearing a long hooded cloak. Someone trying to conceal their identity? They were too small for Jack or Ted. The cloak was too clean for Lilly. Charity wouldn¡¯t have bothered hiding her face. ¡°Who else would have bothered to send me a letter?¡± Ash mused to himself. ¡°It¡¯s not like I have any friends in town.¡± That sounded really sad when he said it out loud. ¡°There¡¯s no reason I should bother myself with this. Whoever wrote this letter is probably just trying to get me into some trouble.¡± Ash stuffed the letter into his pocket. ¡°I should just leave.¡± # Ash tried to look as innocent as he could while he snaked his way through the crowd towards the fountain. He made sure to approach from the opposite side of the strange person in the cloak who was sitting on the rim of the basin. He whispered to himself. Ash walked to the other side of the fountain and tapped the stranger on the shoulder. ¡°Alright then. Who are you? Did you send me this letter?¡± Ash tried to put some confidence into his voice. The stranger seized Ash by the waist and hugged him tightly. ¡°Ash! Oh Ash it¡¯s really you!¡± Ash tried to pry the stranger off of him. Then the hood fell back revealing the stranger¡¯s face. He felt dizzy as he tried to piece together what he saw in front of him. Luke was Ash¡¯s childhood friend. They hadn¡¯t seen each other for years but he found he could still recognize him. Luke had all the natural charm of youth. His large eyes were the color of a mountain river. He had small handsome ears and a straight nose. His short hair was straight but stuck out at odd angles from the top of his head. After removing his hood his hair sprung playfully back into place. Luke and Ash were almost the same age and the same height. They had been born a month apart and attended school together as children. Several years ago Luke had gone to live in the Capital. ¡°Luke? Luke! Is that really you? Ahhh!¡± Ash tried again to loosen the other boy¡¯s grip. ¡°What are you doing here? And what have you been eating? You¡¯re so strong.¡± Luke was crying. Ugly crying. Twin rivers made from tears, mucus, and human sadness poured from every hole in his face. ¡°Take it easy. Get a hold of yourself. You¡¯re making a mess.¡± Ash tried to console this stranger turned long lost companion. Luke pulled back. The soot from Ash¡¯s shirt peeled back with him creating a truly disgusting mixture of mucus and grime on his face. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t think you would come. We haven¡¯t seen each other in so long and when I saw you I just couldn¡¯t hold back.¡± said Luke. ¡°So you¡¯re the one who wrote me that letter?¡± aske Ash. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Luke nodded. Ash sat down on the edge of the fountain. Luke took out a silk handkerchief and tried to blow his nose. *Sad honking* ¡°Sorry.¡± Luke tried to clean himself up. *Honk* ¡°Sorry.¡± *Honk* ¡°Oh no.¡± *Honk* ¡°I¡¯m making such a mess¡­¡± *Sigh* Ash took the handkerchief from Luke¡¯s hand and dipped it in the fountain. He wrang it out and handed it back to Luke. ¡°Look I¡¯m happy to see you and all but what is this about? What¡¯s going on? Why are you back in town? Why did you write me that letter? And why are you here crying like an onion seller?¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± *Honk* ¡±Sorry. I kept it together on the way out here from the Capital. But it¡¯s all been just too much. I thought if I came home everything would make sense. But everything has changed, and I don¡¯t recognize anybody, and I didn¡¯t know where to go or who to talk to, and then I remembered you.¡± ¡°So you came to me for help?¡± Ash was confused yet flattered. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? You were living in the Kingdom¡¯s Capital. You were friends with the Royal family. Why not just ask the Princess for help? Or the King?¡± Luke looked bashful. ¡°Oh I couldn¡¯t do that. If they found out what I did...¡± He grasped Ash¡¯s sleeve again. ¡°I¡¯m in so much trouble Ash. You have no idea. I¡¯ve done something¡­ terrible.¡± *Rolls eyes* ¡°Luke, friend, I¡¯m sure that whatever it is can be easily fixed. Just tell me what the problem is and I promise you that we can figure it out.¡± Luke¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°No. I can¡¯t. I don¡¯t even know where to start.¡± ¡°Come on¡­¡± ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Spit it out.¡± ¡°I really shouldn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t be that bad.¡± ¡°It¡¯s unspeakable.¡± ¡°Just tell me already you crybaby!¡± ¡°I summoned the Demon Lord!¡± Promo 1 ¡°I have no idea what you¡¯re talking about.¡± Ash looked at Luke with a completely blank expression on his face. ¡°Didn¡¯t you hear me?¡± asked Luke. ¡°No. I heard you. I just don''t have any clue what the hells you¡¯re talking about. What is that? You said the Demon Lord?¡± Ash itched at his collar. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s the Demon Lord! How have you not heard about this? We went over this in history class.¡± ¡°Did we? I must have been asleep during that one.¡± Ash scratched his neck. ¡°The Demon¡­¡± Luke lowered his voice. ¡°The Demon Lord is the master of evil. He leads an army of horrible shadowbeast monsters. His arrival will usher in one thousand years of darkness.¡± Ash blinked slowly. ¡°Is this some kind of prank? I know that we haven¡¯t seen each other in four years but this is unnecessary.¡± Luke was trying to keep his voice under control. ¡°I¡¯m telling you it¡¯s the truth. He¡¯s a terrifying warlord. He¡¯ll destroy the entire kingdom. And I¡­ may have summoned him right into the Capital.¡± Ash clicked his tongue at Luke. ¡°Are you sure? This isn¡¯t some dream or maybe a hallucination?¡± ¡°I promise you it¡¯s not. It really happened. I¡­ really made it happen. And now I¡¯m in trouble. Please. I need your help.¡± Luke was on the verge of tears again. ¡°Aaaahhhh¡­ Hahahahaha!¡± It started slow. An involuntary burst of air escaping his lungs. But then it started to build. Getting stronger and stronger until Ash let out a laugh so loud and so long that he even startled himself. Luke stopped crying at the sudden outburst. He wiped one of his filthy sleeves against his face and snorted. ¡°There¡¯s no need to make fun of me.¡± Ash saw that a blade of grass was now perfectly glued to Luke¡¯s upper lip. Like a tiny green pencil mustache. ¡°Heeeh, Hahahahah!¡± He was overtaken by another wave of laughter. Luke¡¯s lip began to quiver. The blade of grass was shaken loose and drifted away on the wind. Luke looked like he was about to break out crying all over again. Ash choked down his laughter. He tried to apologize. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to laugh at you like that. It¡¯s just that this is the first time in, I think forever, that someone has come to me asking for help. It was such a crazy idea that I just couldn¡¯t help but laugh.¡± Ash leaned over and tried to wipe some of the dirt off of Luke. ¡°Forgive me won¡¯t you?¡± Luke accepted his help. ¡°You¡¯re right. This is all kind of silly when you think about it. I never would have imagined myself in this kind of situation either.¡± Luke¡¯s face cracked a small smile. ¡°Hehe. You¡¯re right it is funny.¡± The two of them shared a good natured laugh. *Haha* *Hoho* Luke went back to wiping his face. ¡°I feel a bit better now. I don¡¯t even feel worried that the Royal Guards are searching for me.¡± Ash ceased all frivolity. ¡°What was that last part?¡± ¡°I feel a bit better?¡± said Luke. ¡°Not that! The part about the Royal Guards.¡± ¡°Right. The Royal Guards from the Capital are out looking for me.¡± ¡°Are you sure? Why?¡± ¡°Probably to arrest me.¡± ¡°For what?¡± ¡°For summoning the Demon Lord. Don¡¯t you remember?¡± ¡°Right, right, whatever that means. Are you sure the Royal Guards are after you?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Pretty sure. There are some of them right over there.¡± Luke pointed behind him. Ash spun around. Two, no wait, three people in polished metal armor were making their way through the market crowd. These were no mere adventurers. Their armor was decorated with gold filigree and the heraldry of the royal family. They had a serious look. They had a serious walk. Even their posture was serious. These were soldiers trained to stand around and look intimidating for long stretches of time without any consideration for their personal feelings. ¡°Those do look like Royal Guards. I¡¯ve never seen any, but they do look it. And they¡¯re not your escorts or something like that?¡± Ash crouched down involuntarily. ¡°No. I ran away from the Capital. I didn¡¯t tell anyone where I was going.¡± Luke said. ¡°If they¡¯re way out here in Star Town then there is definitely something strange going on.¡± Ash mused. He craned his neck to get a better look at the two-ish Guards. ¡°I told you they¡¯re here for me.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t know that for sure yet. Just keep calm for now.¡± One of the guards made eye contact with Ash. Ash quickly spun around to face the other direction. He instantly regretted this action. ¡°Oh dog turds.¡± He hissed through his teeth. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Who spins around in a crowded market when the guards are coming?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Guilty people that¡¯s who!¡± Ash tried to keep his voice down. ¡°Then why did you do that?¡± Luke was doing his best to hide behind Ash. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Ash spun back around. The guards were both looking in his direction now. Luke quietly asked. Ash whispered in reply. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Ash hissed. Luke defensively waved his arms over his head. Luke looked at his feet. Luke sounded scared. ¡°I should!¡± Ash raised his voice. Then he saw Luke¡¯s dejected face. Ash considered his options. He spoke over his shoulder to Luke. Luke continued to cower behind Ash. # ¡°You there. We would like to have a word with you.¡± A Gloved Guard and a Pauldron Wearing Guard walked around the edge of the fountain. Each of them were wearing tailor made uniforms with arming swords buckled at their waists. The Gloved Guard had a serious look on his face. He seriously approached Ash and stood way too close for Ash to feel comfortable. Ash could feel a trickle of sweat run down the back of his neck. Ash gave his best innocent smile. ¡°Yes. Yes sir. How can I help you?¡± The Gloved Guard continued. ¡°We¡¯re looking for someone. Maybe you¡¯ve seen them?¡± ¡°No.¡± *Pause* ¡°I mean probably not. Who, uh, who are you looking for?¡± Ash stammered. The guard continued. ¡°A young man. About your age. About your height. He¡¯s got fine features and a clear complexion. He should be well dressed. He came from the Capital.¡± ¡°Nope. Haven¡¯t seen anyone like that around here.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± The guard raised an eyebrow. ¡°Sure as sure.¡± Ash raised both eyebrows. ¡°Then what are you doing here?¡± The guard¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°This is the marketplace. I am¡­ selling goods.¡± Ash held a sack in his hands. ¡°What¡¯s in the sack?¡± asked the Guard. ¡°Nothing.¡± said Ash. ¡°What?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a merchant.¡± Ash held up a burlap sack. ¡°A sack merchant.¡± ¡°Sack merchant?¡± ¡°I sell sacks.¡± ¡°You sell them?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. This is the marketplace. I have sacks. I sell them at the marketplace. I¡¯m a sack merchant. It all fits together.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of a sack merchant.¡± ¡°Haven¡¯t you ever wondered where a sack of potatoes comes from? Or a sack of turnips? Sack of¡­ corn? You need a sack. That¡¯s us. We sell them.¡± Ash held the sack in his hands up a little higher. ¡°You don¡¯t seem to have sold many.¡± The Gloved Guard looked down at the sack in Ash¡¯s hands. Ash looked down at the same sack. ¡°They¡¯re not very good.¡± ¡°And what about him?¡± The Gloved Guard pointed past Ash. Luke was standing just behind him. ¡°He¡¯s my brother.¡± ¡°Why is he dressed like that?¡± The guard pointed at the burlap sack with arm holes in it that was covering Luke¡¯s top half and the pile of rags that was covering his legs. ¡°Because we¡¯re very¡­ poor.¡± said Ash. ¡°Why is he wearing that sack on his head?¡± The guard pointed at the burlap sack that had been thrown over Luke¡¯s head. ¡°He¡¯s modeling our merchandise. We don¡¯t have a stand in the market so he¡¯s giving a demonstration.¡± ¡°Of your sacks?¡± ¡°Of our sacks.¡± ¡°Well tell him to take it off.¡± demanded the Guard. ¡°He doesn¡¯t want to do that.¡± replied Ash. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°For allergies.¡± ¡°Allergies?¡± ¡°You keep repeating me¡­¡± *Ash said under his breath* ¡°What was that?¡± The Gloved Guard yelled. *Louder* ¡°I said he wears the sack because he¡¯s got very bad allergies. The sack helps keep the pollen and dander and¡­ feathers away. The sack helps him breathe better.¡± ¡°The sack helps him breathe better?¡± The guard repeated. Ash¡¯s mouth formed a tight line. ¡°Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Well tell him to take it off.¡± ¡°It¡¯s really not good for his sinuses for him to¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care about his sinuses. If he doesn¡¯t take off that sack in the next few seconds I¡¯m going to arrest the both of you and send you straight to the dungeons!¡± The Gloved Guard halted his words for effect. ¡°Now, take, it, off.¡± Ash stepped over beside the masked figure next to him. The person covered with sacks looked nervously at Ash. Ash gave him a quick nod to say that it was okay. Luke slowly removed the burlap bag from over his face. ¡°Now who are yoooouuuuu¡­! Oh gods! He¡¯s hideous!¡± The guard held up his hands in shock. Because the face beneath the mask was hideous. Layers of dirty dark dust dyed the top half of Luke¡¯s head completely brown. A combined mixture of tears, sweat, and mucus had plastered hundred of errant strands of textile fiber to his neck and chin giving him a fake burlap beard. And where his skin was visible underneath all the other muck it was inflamed with an itchy raised red rash. Luke involuntarily sneezed sending a cloud of crusty cloying cloth towards the Gloved Guard. The guard swatted his hands at the air trying to keep whatever germs he was imagining away from his precious face. ¡°Ahhh! Put it back. Put the bag back on!¡± The Gloved Guard hyperventilated. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Ash snarked back. ¡°I thought we might give him a chance to breathe some fresh air.¡± He slapped Luke on the back. Luke snorted then coughed. *Cough*Cough*Cough* Dust shook free from his hair like snow from a mountain cedar. The Gloved Guard backpedaled some more. The Pauldron Wearing Guard took a step back and looked annoyed. ¡°We¡¯ve wasted too much time on these two already. Let¡¯s keep searching.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± The Gloved Guard covered his mouth and turned to walk away. He shouted back at Ash and Luke. ¡°He¡¯s disgusting. Get him out of here.¡± Ash grabbed the sacks and started leading the coughing Luke out of the marketplace. ¡°We¡¯re leaving right now sir. Good luck with your search.¡± *Under his breath* ¡°You¡¯re going to need it.¡± Promo 2 Luke pulled a few lumps of coal out of the sack that had been on his head. ¡°That was some quick thinking summoning those bags.¡± He itched his face. ¡°I was surprised that you had so much poison oak in your pockets. How did you know that you would need it?¡± ¡°It was just something that I had on hand.¡± said Ash. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen someone talk to capital guards like that. You were so brave. Not a trace of fear at all.¡± ¡°Actually I was so scared I was about to fill my pants like a draft horse with diarrhea. But day after day I¡¯ve actually gotten used to people acting like they¡¯re better than me all the time.¡± Ash chewed his lip. ¡°I don¡¯t have much patience for people like that.¡± ¡°Either way that was some fast talking you did back there. I knew I could count on you. You always had a talent for getting us into trouble.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°And then getting us back out.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah. Clean yourself up a bit.¡± ¡°Should I leave the burlap sack on?¡± ¡°As funny as it is I think walking around town in a burlap jumper is going to attract more attention than we want right now.¡± said Ash. Ash kept a lookout while Luke wiped some of the dirt off of himself. ¡°What now?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Do you know if any more of the Royal Guards are in town? How many of them are looking for you?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I left the Capital in the middle of the night. There could be guards all around us.¡± Ash looked concerned. ¡°Let¡¯s find somewhere quiet to talk. Follow me. There¡¯s a Restaurant nearby.¡± # The Blushing Scone was, like all restaurants in the world, themed. This one had a bistro theme. All the waitresses wore maid outfits with frilly skirts and silk stockings. The Tavern¡¯s specialty was scones and coffee. Since it was the afternoon the place was mostly empty. Ash signaled to the Maid Waitresses as they entered. A girl about his age wearing a dress with an open back walked over to them. ¡°Welcome.¡± She chirped. ¡°How many at your table, three, or maybe two?¡± ¡°Two please. And we would like a booth if you don¡¯t mind.¡± said Ash. The Maid Waitress escorted them to a booth next to the entrance. Ash looked around. The booth was exposed to the main room of the Tavern. ¡°Is there a different table we could have?¡± he asked. ¡°A different one?¡± The Waitress looked confused. ¡°There¡¯s a booth closer to the bar if that¡¯s what you want.¡± Ash looked over. The seats were still too open. ¡°No. Anything else.¡± Ash asked. ¡°There¡¯s one more free booth. But it¡¯s all the way in the back corner. It¡¯s also by the door to the kitchen.¡± ¡°That¡¯s perfect, we''ll take it.¡± The Maid Waitress frowned. She was probably calculating her odds of getting a tip in real time. ¡°We uh,¡± Ash stalled. ¡°We were looking for some privacy.¡± Ash tried to flash her a disarming grin. Then he remembered that he was covered with soot and poison ivy stains and tried to pass it off as a yawn. The Waitress was unfazed. ¡°Right this way then. Follow me.¡± She led them to the booth in the back. ¡°Here you are.¡± Ash and Luke took their seats. ¡°Here is the drink menu.¡± She placed a few parchment sheets on the table in front of them. ¡°There¡¯s a special section on the back with appetizers large enough to share. We call it our Date Menu. I¡¯ll leave you two alone but I¡¯ll be back for your drink orders in just a second.¡± *Wink* ¡°Wait no. We¡¯re not on a date. And¡­ she¡¯s gone.¡± Ash crumpled back into his seat. Luke looked over the top of the menu he was reading. ¡°Did you want to split an appetizer? Some of these look pretty good. Maybe some onion rings?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you start that. We¡¯re not here to eat. We¡¯re here to talk.¡± said Ash. ¡°We do have a lot to catch up on. Maybe some appetizers to keep our strength up?¡± Luke raised an eyebrow. ¡°Put that down!¡± Ash leaned over the table and snatched the menu out of Luke¡¯s hands. ¡°Enough stalling. It¡¯s time for you to come clean. Why were the Capital Guards after you?¡± Luke looked at his hands. ¡°Oh right. That¡­¡± ¡°Listen to me. I¡¯ve already stuck my neck out for you once today. But I need to know what you did.¡± ¡°I told you before I summoned the¡­¡± ¡°I know. But what does that mean? What is a Demon Lord?¡± Ash begged. Luke brushed his bangs aside. ¡°He¡¯s a lord of demons?¡± *Pause* ¡°I don¡¯t really know, but it¡¯s bad! There are myths and legends about demon lords that have destroyed armies and conquered kingdoms. The arrival of the Demon Lord will usher in ten thousand years of darkness. I assumed that it was a fairytale.¡± ¡°And you summoned this guy?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± # *Flashback* Luke was sitting on a broad wooden bench outside of the Main Council Chamber in the Capital City. Luke was alone in the hall. He nervously drummed his fingers on the top of his legs. It was late at night. The only other sound was the occasional crack of a flickering torch in the long deserted hallways. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. *Ka-creeeeak* The massive door to the Main Council Chamber slowly opened in front of him. Luke jumped to his feet. ¡°There you are Luke. Please come in.¡± An elderly man in a white robe stood at the threshold. ¡°Yes sir. Right away sir.¡± Luke shuffled ahead. ¡°It¡¯s an honor to be called to serve the White Council.¡± ¡°I hope that we didn¡¯t wake you up.¡± The man said. ¡°Not at all sir.¡± Luke wiped the sleep from his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m used to it.¡± The older man nodded sagely. ¡°We¡¯re very happy that you¡¯re here. You are our most precious Royal Summoner after all.¡± The two of them entered the Main Council Chambers. The circular room was decorated with heavy marble columns. Historical tapestries were hung from the walls. There was a large triangular table set in the very center of the room. Two similarly elderly men in white robes sat on the other sides of the table. The old man closed the doors and took his seat on the third side of the table. ¡°Please. Have a seat.¡± He made a feeble gesture. Luke looked at the three sided table. There was a septuagenarian in a white robe sitting in the middle of each side. *Panic* He awkwardly pulled a chair up to the closest corner. *Act Natural* Luke tried in vain casually to rest his elbow on the pointy chunk of table in front of him. There was a long silence. ¡°Can we get you something to drink?¡± One of the Councilors offered. ¡°Yes. Please. Yes sir.¡± Luke was glad for any distraction. One of them snapped. A figure appeared from a forgotten corner of the room and placed a goblet on the table in front of Luke. The figure faded back into the shadows of the room. The Councilor nodded to the cup. ¡°A rare vintage that is reserved for only the most prestigious royal visitors.¡± Luke looked at the cup. ¡°Oh? Thank you. I suppose it¡¯s not that late¡­ or early.¡± He lifted the goblet. ¡°Do try to savor it. It can be rather potent.¡± ¡°Ha ha. Yes.¡± Luke sipped from the cup. *Cough* ¡°It¡¯s good. Very sweet.¡± The three men at the table watched him with hooded eyes. Luke took a few more polite sips. One of the councilors turned to Luke. ¡°I suppose you are wondering why we have ¡®summoned¡¯ you here.¡± *Polite laughter from the other councilors* ¡°Ah, ha ha ha, uhhh, yes, if you would like to¡­ tell me?¡± Luke kept smiling. The councilors frowned in unison. One of them spoke. ¡°There is a matter of extreme importance we need to speak with you about.¡± Another continued, ¡°Dreadful importance.¡± The last one finished. ¡°Extremely dreadful.¡± The Councilor continued. ¡°Our Kingdom is the most powerful, most prosperous, and most well respected kingdom in all the land. And we owe a great deal of our success to the hard work and dedication of our subjects. Including you.¡± Luke blushed. ¡°Thank you sir.¡± ¡°But one of our neighboring nations has grown envious of our prosperity. We have learned that they have decided to summon a champion. A Hero from another world.¡± He turned to face Luke. ¡°Oh? Is that bad?¡± Luke tried to follow along. ¡°No. It¡¯s very good¡­¡± ¡°Ah.¡± ¡°For them.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± ¡°Do you know about the Heroes?¡± ¡°I remember some legends about them being important in the past¡­¡± ¡°Heroes are known to be the greatest warriors in their world. They are unmatched in their power. No army we raise will be able to stand against them. Our kingdom is doomed to fall.¡± The other councilor continued. ¡°Certainly doomed.¡± The third spoke as well. ¡°Fallen for certain.¡± The first Councilor gave Luke a sad look. ¡°You have served the kingdom loyally and faithfully for four years. It¡¯s too bad. I just hate to see all of your good work fall apart.¡± Luke tried to look helpful. ¡°Is there¡­ anything that I can do, sirs?¡± The three Councilors stroked their beards in unison. ¡°Well¡­ there might be.¡± One of the Councilors stood up and walked to a chest at the side of the room. He removed a key and unlocked the lid. *Click* He walked back around the table to Luke and held out his hands. Luke put his hand out in response. Something was placed in his palm. When the Councilor moved away there was a massive gemstone in Luke¡¯s hand. The stone shone with an inner light. A deep red fire that roiled and bubbled like the heart of an erupting volcano. It was cool to the touch but the air around the gem shimmered as if it was red hot. ¡°Wow, that''s a really big summoning stone.¡± There was a river of sweat pouring down the back of Luke¡¯s neck. ¡°Are my feet still attached? I¡¯m not sure¡­ that I can feel the lower half of my body¡­¡± The crystalline stone glimmered in his hands. The flickering torches of the chamber refracted off of the stone¡¯s facets causing rainbow patterns to dance across the table in front of him. He could feel a spark of magical power running up his arm like a lightning bolt. The Councilor spoke softly. His words barely a whisper. As if he and Luke were the only two people in the entire room. ¡°I think so?¡± Luke croaked. ¡°Then you¡¯ll do it won¡¯t you? Use your power to save our kingdom? You¡¯re the only one who can do this.¡± ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know if¡­¡± Luke¡¯s throat was so dry. What time was it? Why couldn¡¯t he feel his feet? Why wouldn¡¯t his teeth stop vibrating? ¡°I can see that this is too much for you.¡± The councilor¡¯s arm shot out like a viper and plucked the stone right out of Luke¡¯s hand. ¡°It¡¯s too bad. We¡¯ll just have to look for some other way to save the kingdom.¡± The three Councilors turned their backs to Luke in unison. ¡°You can go now.¡± ¡°No wait!¡± Luke reached out in desperation. ¡°I¡¯ll do it¡­¡± # *Flashforward* ¡°Did you hear me? I said that I summoned the Demon Lord.¡± said Luke. *Pause* ¡°No I heard you.¡± Ash stared straight ahead. ¡°It was just like the world skipped a note for a second. I wanted to make sure that I wasn¡¯t having a stroke.¡± Ash leaned back in his seat. ¡°Why did you do what they said? You didn¡¯t think that was odd?¡± Ash asked. ¡°It made sense at the time.¡± said Luke. ¡°So you just summoned this ¡®Demon Lord¡¯ with your powers?¡± ¡°It happened really fast.¡± ¡°And you didn¡¯t think about calling someone else to get a different opinion? Or maybe just summoning another Hero? Two heroes could probably fight it out. Summoning multiple heroes is probably fine. I think¡­¡± Ash pulled on his shirt sleeve. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I know I messed up. It¡¯s just that, I¡¯ve spent the last four years summoning whatever people wanted whenever they wanted it. I would wake up in the morning and they would tell me to summon art. So I did. Then they would tell me to summon gold and jewelry. So I did. All day every day. Whatever the royal family wanted, that''s what I made. One time the Princess wanted to impress some foreign dignitaries. So she had me fill an entire swimming pool with champagne. For two days all I did was summon alcohol. Then I collapsed. I almost drowned!¡± Luke was almost shaking by this point. He kept nervously pushing his bangs back from his forehead. Ash put his elbows on the table. ¡°That sounds rough.¡± ¡°You know how it works for me. I don¡¯t even have to think about it. It was like I was sleepwalking. And now¡­ I¡¯ve doomed the world.¡± Luke collapsed against the table. *Eye roll again* ¡°Don¡¯t be so dramatic.¡± Ash held up a menu. ¡°Would some onion rings help? Would that make you feel better.¡± ¡°Maybe.¡± Luke spoke directly into the table. ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much. We¡¯re going to figure this out. But we need more information. What exactly is a Demon Lord and why would they want you to summon one if it¡¯s so bad?¡± ¡°I can answer that question.¡± A new voice. *Cough*Cough* Ash and Luke stopped talking. They stopped moving. In unison they slowly turned to look at the young woman that was already sitting at their table. Promo 3 ¡°Who is she?¡± Luke looked at Ash. ¡°How the moons should I know.¡± Ash looked at Luke. ¡°Has she always been here? Is this your table?¡± asked Luke. ¡°There was nobody here when we sat down.¡± Ash looked concerned. ¡°At least I think there wasn¡¯t.¡± ¡°Is she a waitress?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not dressed like a waitress.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. She¡¯s dressed like a Royal Guard. Is she a Royal Guard?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Are you a Royal Guard?¡± Ash spoke to the young woman. The young woman took a moment to look between the two of them. ¡°Yes.¡± *Lightbulb* Ash narrowed his eyes. ¡°You were with the other guards in the marketplace weren¡¯t you.¡± ¡°When you tried to convince us that you were sack merchants? Yes.¡± she said. ¡°And you followed us here. Why?¡± ¡°Because I¡¯ve been looking for him.¡± She turned to Luke. ¡°The Royal Guards were given secret instructions to find and apprehend the Royal Summoner who disappeared from the Capital several days ago.¡± ¡°Oh heavens! This is the end.¡± Luke buried his face in his hands. ¡°My journey of redemption ends before it even begins. I¡¯m sorry Ash. I¡¯ll never forget what you tried to do for me.¡± Luke stood up and put his hands on Ash¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll let me write to you from the Capital Dungeons. Unless the rats eat my toes and I don¡¯t know, maybe the spiders can eat my hair. What do spiders eat? Do they eat silk worms? They¡¯re always pooping silk.¡± Ash put a hand against Luke¡¯s chest and not so gently shoved him back into his seat. ¡°Sit down you overly dramatic doorknob. She¡¯s not going to arrest you. At least I don¡¯t think she is¡­¡± ¡°That is correct.¡± The woman gave a slight nod. ¡°See? If she was going to capture you she could have already called for the Guards while we were busy not noticing her. Which is still really weird. Why is that so weird?¡± ¡°I was wondering that too. How come we didn¡¯t see you before? Are you a ghost?¡± Luke tentatively reached across the table and tapped her shoulder. Ash slapped his hand. ¡°Don¡¯t just poke people.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know if she was people.¡± said Luke. ¡°Well, don''t go poking ghosts either.¡± said Ash. ¡°Why not? What do they care if they get poked or not?¡± ¡°Are you two done deciding if I¡¯m real or not yet?¡± The woman interrupted. ¡°Heavenly handbaskets!¡± Luke turned around on his chair. ¡°I forgot you were there.¡± ¡°Ah he¡¯s right. You don¡¯t even make any noise when you breathe.¡± said Ash. ¡°Maybe if you tried humming or something we would stop losing track of you.¡± ¡°Anyway¡­¡± The young woman¡¯s face was blank. ¡°You can call me Ave, and no I am not a ghost.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ash looked suspicious. ¡°Nice to meet you Ave.¡± Luke leaned across the table. ¡°Be honest with me. Have we met before? Do I have amnesia? Are you a childhood friend that I should recognize? I have been away from town for a long time.¡± Ave looked nonplussed. ¡°No. We¡¯ve never met before.¡± Luke wiped his forehead. ¡°Good. I was worried there for a moment. I was afraid that I might have forgotten you for no reason.¡± ¡°I¡¯m used to it.¡± said Ave. Ash leaned over. ¡°You were with those other guards in the marketplace right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s correct.¡± ¡°How did you know it was him?¡± He pointed at Luke. ¡°I didn¡¯t think anyone would be able to recognize me looking like that.¡± Luke itched his face a little more. ¡°I admit that your disguise was convincing. The others were only looking at his face. But I examined him more closely. I noticed that even though you said he was your brother underneath his cloak he was wearing linen breeches and leather riding boots. Compared to how you were dressed.¡± She gave Ash a quick up and down with her eyes. ¡°It was very suspicious that he would be so finely dressed. So I decided to follow you two and see if there was something going on. Looks like I was right.¡± ¡°How did you know he was in town?¡± asked Ash. ¡°That¡¯s right, I told the coachman not to tell anyone where he dropped me off.¡± Luke said. ¡°The who?¡± Ash did a double take. ¡°The coachman.¡± Luke repeated. ¡°You took a coach to get here?¡± ¡°Well I didn¡¯t walk if that¡¯s what you¡¯re thinking. Look at these boots.¡± Luke showcased his fine leather footwear. ¡°These boots were made for riding not for walking.¡± ¡°Did you get four years older and four years younger at the same time?¡± asked Ash. ¡°You think the coach was a bad idea?¡± asked Luke. ¡°In a series of bad ideas. Yes.¡± *Ahem* Ave cleared her throat. ¡°Wow! She¡¯s still here.¡± Luke turned with surprise. ¡°I don¡¯t mean to be rude but it is a little unsettling how you keep sneaking up on us without even moving.¡± Ash remarked. Ave ignored him. ¡°As I was saying before I can tell you why the White Council wanted him to summon the Demon Lord.¡± # *Backwards through the Mists of Time* The Council Chamber was filled with the silence that hangs after a thunderstrike. ¡°Did it work?¡± One of the Councilors asked. ¡°I¡¯ve never felt such a powerful wave of magic before. It even snuffed out the candles.¡± Another one continued. ¡°Quiet!¡± The third shouted. ¡°We are not alone.¡± The three wizened men waited in the darkness. There were two figures in the exact center of the room. One was Luke. He was slumped over in his chair unconscious after the exertion of using his summoning magic. Luke was barely visible in the gloom. But the other figure could be seen clearly. Normal darkness is just the absence of light. This other, the DEMON LORD was somehow even darker than that. A hollow silhouette that wasn¡¯t just dark, it pushed past the boundaries of darkness into the void beyond where light didn¡¯t even exist. A massive humanoid encased entirely in metal armor. The armor felt unnecessary. The DEMON LORD radiated an aura of impenetrability. Attacking this creature wouldn¡¯t just be futile, it would be irrelevant. ¡°Someone¡­ get the lights.¡± One of the Councilors spoke. For the first time his voice sounded¡­ old. *Snap* The DEMON LORD flicked its wrist. The torches in the room burst in flames again. The Councilors tried to suppress a shiver. Even in the light there was something. The torchlight only enhanced the strange uncanniness of the armored warrior standing perfectly still in the middle of the room. ¡°It worked.¡± The Councilor tried to inject some confidence back into his voice. ¡°Just as we knew it would.¡± ¡°Then our real work has only just begun.¡± The old man turned to the dark figure in the center of the room. ¡°He doesn¡¯t look like a demon. I was expecting something¡­ more. Maybe wings. Or a tail.¡± ¡°You are the Demon Lord aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°The greatest Demon Lord of all?¡± YES *Gasp* The Councilors shivered involuntarily. ¡°Take off your helmet.¡± The Councilor proposed. *Pause* AS YOU WISH The demon lord slowly reached up and removed its helmet. There was only the slightest hiss of metal as the armored plates scrapped against each other. The men in the room realized that they had been holding their breath in anticipation of the horror they were about to see. Then they realized they had been holding their breath for no reason. ¡°He doesn¡¯t look like a demon.¡± ¡°He looks like a man.¡± ¡°Are you a man?¡± The face beneath the helmet turned to them. I AM THE THING THAT WAS SUMMONED. NOTHING ELSE. The men in the room shuffled their feet impatiently. They had clearly been expecting more. And even though the face beneath the armored mask wasn¡¯t some twisted demon there was still something unsettling about the look of it. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. *Gulp* ¡°It doesn¡¯t really matter in the end. But for now put your helmet back on.¡± The DEMON LORD put the black helm back on. Even that simple action was filled with menace. ¡°You must be wondering why we summoned you?¡± The DEMON LORD made no effort to respond. *Ahem* ¡°We are the White Council of Pivot Kingdom. I am Councilor A, master of Economics.¡± ¡°I am Councilor 1, sage of Strategy.¡± ¡°And I am Councilor I, father of Law.¡± The three old men raised their hands to the heavens. ¡°Together we are the greatest political minds that have ever lived.¡± ¡°We are politicians with no equal.¡± ¡°And we are all equally great politicians.¡± They lowered their arms and nodded smugly to one another. The DEMON LORD made no effort to encourage their speech. Councilor A continued. ¡°For decades we have ruled this kingdom with unassailable skill. Under our leadership the nation has reached a level of peace and prosperity that were previously unheard of.¡± Councilor I walked to a chest in the corner of the room. ¡°In a world where anyone and everyone can use magic to summon anything they wish, it takes an incredible amount of skill to make sure that taxes are collected, that armies are supplied, and that peaceful relations are maintained with our neighbors.¡± He flipped open the lid revealing a pile of gold coins inside. ¡°We have used our authority to revolutionize our nation¡¯s infrastructure.¡± Councilor 1 rolled a parchment map out on the table. ¡°And now that our kingdom is the most powerful in the land¡­¡± He drew a knife and traced its edge along the border between the neighboring lands. ¡°There is only one obstacle left for us.¡± He pulled back his arm and buried the tip of the blade dead center in the map. Right in the heart of the Capital. ¡°To do it all over again.¡± YOU SUMMONED ME TO¡­ Councilor A smiled. ¡°Our kingdom is peaceful. A little too peaceful.¡± He pulled a handful of gold coins out of the chest. ¡°Do you know what makes gold valuable? It¡¯s scarcity. We use gold as a currency because it is rare. Not everyone can have gold and that is what makes it valuable.¡± He let the coins tumble back into the chest. ¡°But if everyone has gold then it becomes worthless.¡± Councilor 1 pointed at the DEMON LORD. ¡°That¡¯s where you come in. We needed a challenge. A world altering event to shake up the whole economy.¡± Councilor I paced the room. ¡°We could have just raised taxes or increased interest rates, but ideas like that are so boring. We wanted something exciting. Something dangerous.¡± ¡°A world threatening scenario that requires everyone to get involved.¡± Councilor 1 nodded. ¡°A scenario where everyone has to spend money again or they¡¯ll be left behind. An economy only works if people keep buying things.¡± Councilor A indulged him. ¡°You can''t fight a Demon Lord with only a few monthly summons. Once the kingdom learns about this they¡¯ll be paying for as many pulls as they can get.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the perfect plan.¡± Councilor I pandered. *Congratulatory handshakes* Councilor A turned to the unconscious form of Luke still slumped over in his chair. ¡°And what about him?¡± Councilor 1 sneered. ¡°Put him back to bed. He¡¯s served his purpose. We¡¯ll decide later if we still have any use for him.¡± ¡°Did you drug him?¡± ¡°No. That was fruit juice. I just told him that it was a rare drink. It appears that the mere suggestion of alcohol was enough to dull his senses.¡± Ave steps forward from her position in a shadowy corner of the room. She collects Luke¡¯s sleeping body, then leaves. # *Forward through the Mists of Time* ¡°So you were there the whole time?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yes.¡± Ave responded. ¡°And they tricked me?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°You said that we had never met before.¡± ¡°I meant that we had never been formally introduced.¡± said Ave. ¡°But that means you work for the Council.¡± Luke recoiled. ¡°Have you come here to kill me?¡± Ash and Luke both leaned back in their chairs. Ave looked back and forth. ¡°No I don¡¯t and no I¡¯m not. Although, technically, yes¡­ but not like you think.¡± *Confusion* Ave held up her hands. ¡°Wait hold on, no to the second part and sort of to the first part.¡± *Continued Confusion* Ave recomposed herself. ¡°What I mean to say is that I¡¯m not here to kill you, but that I was, sort of am, working for the Council.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ash looked skeptical. He pulled Luke behind a menu. *Lowers voice* said Luke. ¡°Not the waitress.¡± *Points to Ave* ¡°Her!¡± ¡°Oh her. I guess she¡¯s kind of cute. But she¡¯s also very¡­ hard to describe.¡± Ave had an average build, an average complexion, and an average height. Her shoulder length hair was a color. It sometimes fell unobtrusively in front of her face. She didn¡¯t seem to notice or mind. Despite wearing a breastplate and arming sword at her side Ave made hardly any sound when she moved. ¡°I¡¯m not asking whether you think she¡¯s cute or not I¡¯m asking whether you think we should trust her.¡± said Ash. ¡°Oh? Sure.¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°Just like that?¡± ¡°Yeah. She said she wasn¡¯t here to kill me.¡± ¡°She also didn¡¯t say she wasn¡¯t working for the Council.¡± ¡°Right. But you did say she could have called the guards anytime but she didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I know what I said.¡± ¡°Do you think we should trust her?¡± ¡°No.¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°Are you going to anyway?¡± *Sigh* ¡°For now.¡± Ash lowered the menu. ¡°We have decided to trust you.¡± Ave was unconcerned with this information. Ash continued. ¡°For now.¡± ¡°But before we go any further answer one more question for me. I still don¡¯t understand, why summon a Demon Lord?¡± ¡°I can answer that.¡± said Ave. # *Timeskip* Councillor A speaking to himself. ¡°Boy I sure do wish that we had an destructive antagonist that could menace the kingdom and that couldn¡¯t be directly linked back to us.¡± # *Timejump* Ave looked at the table. ¡°That one didn¡¯t require as much of an explanation.¡± ¡°I suppose that¡¯s all my questions.¡± Ash looked thoughtful. ¡°Now that we have a chance we should really come up with a¡­¡± Ave leaned over the table and placed a hand on each of theirs. ¡°As much as I love this current conversation I think we really should find somewhere else to speak.¡± Ave pointed with her chin towards the door of the Tavern. Ash and Luke turned to see two Capital Guards walk in and start scanning the room. Ash and Luke slid down in their seats. ¡°Dog bollocks.¡± Ash cursed. ¡°We¡¯re really stuck in it now. Can you get us out of here?¡± He turned to Ave. ¡°No. The other Royal Guards don¡¯t know that I¡¯m here. And they might recognize Luke anyway.¡± she said. Ash tried to shield his face with a menu. He waved to get the Waitress¡¯s attention. She walked over to the table. ¡°Are you ready to order? What can I get started for you?¡± The Maid Waitress asked. ¡°Can we get food to go?¡± Luke asked. Ash slapped Luke¡¯s menu. ¡°Ignore him. Is there a back exit to this restaurant? We¡¯re trying to be discreet.¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± The waitress stood on her toes and eyed the Guards on the other side of the room. Then she crouched back down in front of Ash. ¡°Are you in trouble?¡± ¡°Yeah. We¡¯re¡­ foreign dignitaries. On a secret mission.¡± Luke proposed. The waitress crossed her arms. ¡°Ignore him, please.¡± Ash smiled. ¡°What if we just give you some cash and you can say we were never here?¡± The Waitress frowned. ¡°What he meant to say was that we¡¯re¡­ star crossed lovers. That¡¯s it. We come from rival families and we can¡¯t let them find out about our forbidden love.¡± Luke tried again. ¡°What?¡± The Waitress¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°Is that true?¡± Ash whispered behind the menu. Luke sneakily spoke in response. Ash played along. ¡°I mean yeah. We¡¯re in hiding. This guy here¡­ I just love him so much sometimes I think I could strangle him. With love.¡± ¡°For true love I¡¯ll help you for free.¡± said the Waitress. ¡°I don¡¯t know about true love.¡± said Ash. Luke elbowed him. ¡°I mean yes. True love. It¡¯s a good thing we have true love,¡± *To himself* ¡°Because I am out of money.¡± The Waitress leaned over to whisper to them. ¡°There¡¯s a back exit just past the kitchen. We usually just keep cleaning supplies in there but you should be able to slip out.¡± ¡°Thanks for your help.¡± Ash turned to Luke and Ave. ¡°You two rush out the back. I¡¯ll try to slow them down.¡± # The Mustache Guard and Topknot Guard surveyed the room. The Mustache Guard looked around the common room. ¡°These gimmick taverns always annoy me. What¡¯s wrong with serving simple food to simple people?¡± Topknot Guard looked up from a menu. ¡°There¡¯s a special on appetizers. Did you want to share some onion rings?¡± ¡°No you dummy. We¡¯re here on official business.¡± ¡°Well I officially don¡¯t see anyone. So why don¡¯t we get something to eat?¡± ¡°Shut up and do your job.¡± The Mustache Guard waved to the Waitress. ¡°You there! Have you seen anyone suspicious come in here today?¡± ¡°What do you mean by suspicious?¡± The Waitress tilted her head. ¡°I mean someone that looked strange like they didn¡¯t belong. Perhaps they were from out of town. Or they made unusual requests.¡± said the Guard. The Waitress tilted her head in the other direction and looked the two Capital Guards up and down. ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± There was a *Clatter* from the door by the kitchen. The Mustache Guard looked up. ¡°What was that?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± said the Maid Waitress. ¡°What¡¯s back there?¡± ¡°Just some mops. It¡¯s a mop closet.¡± ¡°Then what made that noise?¡± ¡°Some¡­ mops?¡± ¡°Mops!?¡± ¡°They¡¯re¡­ noisy mops.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll see about that.¡± The Guard stomped over to the door. He grabbed hold of the handle and jerked it open. *Bonk* A mop handle tipped out of the doorway and fell on him. *Bonk* Then another did the same. *Bonk*Bonk*Bonk*Bonk*Bonk* A dozen mops, all tilted against the door, fell out in rapid succession. ¡°Ahhh! What is this?¡± He shouted. The Waitress shook her head. ¡°I warned you.¡± Promo 4 Ash, Luke, and Ave crouched down in an alley across from the tavern. Ave peeked around the corner. ¡°That was too close. There are at least fifteen more Capital Guards searching the town. It¡¯s only a matter of time before someone spots us.¡± ¡°How did they know where to look? Are you sure you¡¯re not here to capture Luke.¡± Ash said. ¡°The guards didn¡¯t know exactly where the Royal Summoner went. His hometown was judged the most likely place. But scouts were also dispatched to all of the other towns between here and the Capital. There are hundreds of guards looking for him all over the kingdom.¡± said Ave. Luke looked surprised. ¡°I¡¯ve never been this popular before.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a guard too right? Can¡¯t you just tell all of them to leave?¡± Ash looked up and down the street. ¡°I have the credentials. But convincing any of them to follow my orders will be¡­ difficult. We need to find a safe place to hide out for the moment.¡± Ave followed his gaze. Inspiration struck Luke. ¡°We could go to my house.¡± ¡°You have a house in the city?¡± Ave asked. ¡°My parents house to be clear. But it¡¯s perfect for what we need. After I was appointed Royal Summoner I made sure to send my parents plenty of money. I made sure that they were able to afford a mansion, and servants. They should have some place that we can hide while we¡¯re in Star Town.¡± said Luke. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you go there first?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t know where it was.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know where your own parents live?¡± ¡°Hey I remember where they used to live but I¡¯ve been away from home for four years.¡± said Luke. ¡°Then what about your friend Ash?¡± ¡°That was a lucky chance. It¡¯s been years but Ash here still lives in the same tiny shack on the edge of town with his mother. I was able to find him without any problems.¡± said Luke. Ave turned to Ash. Ash tried his best to look less pathetic than he felt. Ave turned back to Luke. ¡°Anyway we still have the problem that we don¡¯t know where your parents are. We don¡¯t have time to search the whole town until we find their house.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not a problem. We have Ash.¡± Ash¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°Me?¡± Luke turned to him. ¡°That¡¯s right. You never left town. That means you must know where my parents are. Even if you haven¡¯t seen them in a while, the parents of the Royal Summoner must be pretty important people in town right?¡± *Cough* ¡°You do know where my parents are, don¡¯t you?¡± asked Luke. Ash looked embarrassed. ¡°Yeah. Sort of. I know where they were. I guess I better show you.¡± # The group of Ash, Luke, and Ave stood out in front of a mansion. The building was lavishly decorated with marble columns, dancing fountains, stained glass windows, and manicured shrubbery. There was also an enormous ¡®Foreclosed¡¯ sign on the front gate. Luke pressed his face against the bars of the gate. ¡°What is this? What happened to my parents?¡± Ash scratched his neck. ¡°Yeah you might want to sit down. There¡¯s quite a bit to explain.¡± ¡°The sign says foreclosed. Are they all right? Did something happen to them?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Oh something happened alright.¡± Ash raised his hands. ¡°But don¡¯t worry they¡¯re safe. At least they were safe the last time that anyone saw them.¡± Luke slumped down by the entrance. Ash took a deep breath. ¡°Okay, so, here goes. You remember when the Royal Family came during that festival.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± said Luke. ¡°And you gave them that gift that was the finest thing that anyone had ever seen.¡± ¡°Uh huh.¡± ¡°And then they started asking questions and they discovered that your summons were always the best possible result.¡± ¡°Of course. That was when the royal family asked me to come with them to the Capital.¡± ¡°Right. I was there. You were there. The whole town was there. It was a huge celebration. A Starter was being made the Royal Summoner. Everyone came out to see you off.¡± said Ash. ¡°Yes. That was the last time we saw each other wasn¡¯t it.¡± Luke¡¯s bangs feel in front of his face. Ash looked sympathetic. ¡°Yeah. So anyway. After you left your parents became some of the most popular people in Star Town. There were all kinds of parties. My mother was even invited to a few, before the guest list got out of her price range.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry about that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not your fault. She told me she didn¡¯t mind. Here, follow me.¡± Ash led the other two around the side of the mansion¡¯s entrance. An overgrown shrub had swallowed a part of the fence. Ash pulled some of the shrub¡¯s branches back revealing a few bars of the fence bent just enough that someone could squeeze through. ¡°Wow. How did you know about this?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I used to come here all the time.¡± Ash said. He looked Luke in the eye. ¡°To steal stuff.¡± Ash climbed through the gap. Luke and Ave followed him. Ash started walking across the mansion¡¯s yard. ¡°After that things somehow got even more exciting. There were carriage races.¡± He pointed to a carriage with broken wheels that was flipped over on its side. ¡°Topiary displays.¡± He pointed to a series of giant overgrown bushes that had once been shaped like tarpans, elephants, and giraffes. ¡°Then there was their infamous Cheese Party.¡± He pointed to a fountain filled to the brim with thick gorgonzola. A layer of mold covered the fountain almost making it look like the other bushes in the yard. ¡°They¡¯re still finding blockages in the town sewers to this day.¡± If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°It certainly does look like they enjoyed themselves.¡± said Luke. ¡°Oh yeah. Thanks to you your parents had more money than they know what to do with. They had nothing but time, money, and love.¡± ¡°At least they had each other.¡± *Wince* ¡°Actually. The love part wasn¡¯t between¡­ them.¡± Ash tugged at his collar. Ash waved the others over to the mansion itself. He looked in through the large windows at the furnished interior. The room was filled with dusty velvet curtains, greasy silver candlesticks, and stained mahogany tables. Moth-eaten dust cloths had been thrown over the furniture. ¡°I don¡¯t want to alarm you but your father and mother were, indiscreet.¡± said Ash. ¡°You don¡¯t have to spare my feelings.¡± said Luke. ¡°Okay.¡± *Deep breath* ¡°Your father and mother participated in a string of carnal affairs that stretched across the city. Every beautiful young man and woman that craved money more than self respect shared their bed at one point or another. The brothels had to hire prostitutes from out of the county just to keep up with demand. They renamed the Red District in their honor.¡± ¡°To what?¡± ¡°The Lucky Luke district.¡± Ash winced. *Gulp* Luke needed a moment to catch his breath. Ave looked at Ash. ¡°How did you know about all of this?¡± ¡°There were a lot of rumors. I also saw a little of what happened while it was going on. I used to sneak up here. So I could throw bricks at the windows.¡± Ash looked back at the mansion¡¯s many broken windows. # The group walked through the crumbling ruins of the mansion interior. Cobwebs hung from the ceiling and a layer of dust covered everything. Luke looked around. ¡°Then what happened? After all of the partying and¡­ other stuff, where are they now?¡± Ash kicked a loose piece of molding. ¡°Well after they burned through the bedsheets of every brothel in town they started drinking. And then they started gambling. Lascivious gifts were given. Promises were made. They borrowed so much credit that they were briefly classified as a Dutchey for tax purposes. It was all¡­ never enough.¡± A gust of wind whistled through the broken windows of the house. *Avarice¡­* It seemed to whisper. ¡°But eventually all that spending came back to them. A group of debt collectors broke down the door to their estate one day and told them they had just a week to pay back what they owed.¡± Luke looked shocked. ¡°They¡¯re not hurt are they?¡± ¡°No no, they¡¯re fine. Your parents never had the chance that you did. No matter what gifts they tried to summon there was no way to pay off the huge amount of money they owed in so short a time. So they finally stopped all their carousing around town and changed their ways.¡± ¡°They went back to work?¡± ¡°Nope. They fled town. The two of them stole a boat, paddled it down river and escaped out to sea. In some ways it¡¯s kind of touching. The two of them working together to overcome their differences. Witnesses say that they were even holding hands as they rowed out into the ocean.¡± ¡°All the way to the ocean?¡± asked Ave. ¡°That part is unconfirmed.¡± admitted Ash. ¡°What happened to them after that?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Nobody knows. But hey, if they have even one tenth of the luck you do they¡¯re probably not dead.¡± said Ash. ¡°What about Spins? Our family dog?¡± ¡°Your dog was hit by a horse cart. Two days after you left. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± Ash didn¡¯t make eye contact. *Snap*Crash* Ave spun around. ¡°What was that?¡± Ash and Ave moved to peek out the windows. Down in the courtyard Gloved Guard and Pauldron Wearing Guard were standing out in front of the gate with a team of tarpans. ¡°Pull down the gates! In the name of his Majesty, open these gates!¡± shouted the Guard. The team of tarpans leapt forward. The ropes that had been tied around their saddles snapped taunt and the gates were wrenched from their hinges. *Ka-clang* Ash turned to Ave. ¡°I thought you said there were like fifteen guards in town.¡± ¡°I did.¡± said Ave. ¡°Then why do we keep running into the same ones?¡± ¡°How should I know?¡± ¡°Let me guess, you can¡¯t tell them to just go away.¡± ¡°We¡¯re hiding in the closed mansion that belongs to the family of a wanted fugitive. How would I explain that?¡± Ave hissed at him. ¡°We need to get out of here without being seen.¡± He looked back at Luke standing in the corner. ¡°Luke. Luke! Can you hear me?¡± Ash waved his hand in front of Luke¡¯s face. ¡°This is bad. He¡¯s cribbing really hard. We¡¯re going to have to sneak him out of here somehow. Are those guards still trying to get in?¡± Ave peeked out the window. ¡°They¡¯re heading towards the door.¡± Ash tore a large chunk of wallpaper off of the wall and started rolling it up. ¡°Help me. Grab some of those curtains. I have an idea.¡± # ¡°So this is the home of the Royal Summoner? Doesn¡¯t look like much.¡± The Gloved Guard reached out a hand and traced his finger along the edge of the door. ¡°Ugh. Filthy.¡± he turned to the Pauldron Wearing Guard. ¡°Open it up.¡± *Frown* The Pauldron Wearing Guard walked to the door and turned the handle. As he tried to open the door there was a thumping noise. *Thump*Thump* ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± asked the Gloved Guard. ¡°I think there¡¯s something on the other side blocking the door?¡± ¡°Beee gooone¡­¡± A warbled voice echoed from the other side of the door. ¡°And the house is also haunted I guess?¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard tried to peek in the windows. ¡°Haunted? Don¡¯t be absurd. There¡¯s no such thing as ghosts. There is clearly someone on the other side of the door trying to keep us out.¡± The Gloved Guard planted his feet on the front porch. ¡°You there! By order of the King! Come out now!¡± ¡°Gooo away. We¡¯re deeead and don¡¯t want to be distuuurbed.¡± ¡°Enough of this nonsense!¡± He turned to the Pauldron Wearing Guard. ¡°Don¡¯t just stand there. Break it down!¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard aimed one of his metal shoulder pads at the front doors. He crouched down and then charged the door. *Slam*Crash* The door buckled and burst open. The Gloved Guard hustled inside of the doors. ¡°Now listen here you¡­¡± *Flump* A heavy velvet curtain fell down from above and landed on top of the Gloved Guard. An irritating cloud of dust erupted from the drapery. ¡°Ahh! Who¡¯s there?¡± *Sneeze* ¡°What¡¯s going on? *Sneeze* The Gloved Guard flailed about under the curtain. The Pauldron Wearing Guard stepped into the entryway. ¡°Hold on. I¡¯ll get you out of¡­¡± *Flump* A second heavy velvet curtain fell down from above. *Sneeze* ¡°The dust! It¡¯s everywhere!¡± *Sneeze* The Gloved Guard yelled. ¡°I can taste it in my mouth!¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard cried. The two Guards flailed around under the curtains trying to find a way to escape. ¡°Who dares to disturb our slumber!¡± The echoing voice shouted out again. Three figures in white sheets sidled out from the broken doors and shuffled towards the gate at the front of the mansion grounds. One of them was waving their arms back and forth over their head. The second one was gently shoving the third one along, leading them to the gate. A group of Townsfolk watched this happen. ¡°What is going on? What are you doing?¡± ¡°We were the ghooosts inhabiting that mansion. If you don¡¯t want to be cuuursed you should get out of our waaay¡­¡± said the ¡®ghost¡¯. ¡°Listen, we''re just here to help with the horses. We don¡¯t want any part of¡­ whatever this is.¡± The Townsfolk were trying their hardest not to get involved. ¡°Okay. We¡¯ll just go back to the graveyard.¡± The ¡®ghost¡¯ said. ¡°You can tell the guards that we vanished and that you never saw us.¡± ¡°Yeah. I think that would be best for everyone.¡± ¡°Booo¡­. bye.¡± The three be-sheeted individuals turned and ran off down the street. Promo 5 ¡°Great flaming flamingos that is the third time today we¡¯ve had to escape from the Guards.¡± Ash brushed more dirt off of his body. Ave pulled the dust cover off of her head. ¡°You either have very bad luck, or maybe we¡¯re just not escaping well enough. Is there somewhere we could go where we could actually hide?¡± ¡°Not in town.¡± said Ash. ¡°You don¡¯t have any friends?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± ¡°Any favors you could call in?¡± ¡°Errr¡­¡± ¡°Do you have a job?¡± Ash scratched his neck. ¡° I don¡¯t¡­ stay in town a lot.¡± ¡°What about outside of town?¡± Ave asked. ¡°We could go to my house.¡± ¡°Is it safe?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. Nobody will look for us there.¡± ¡°I suppose it will have to do.¡± Ash shook Luke by the shoulders. ¡°Luke snap out of it. We¡¯re going to my house. Will that make you feel better?¡± ¡°I suppose.¡± Luke mumbled. ¡°Yeah it will.¡± Ash patted Luke¡¯s shoulder. Ash pulled the sheets off of them and tossed them into the gutter. ¡°Ugh. We smell like mothballs.¡± Ave wrinkled her nose. ¡°Do we?¡± Ash sniffed his own arm. ¡°Hopefully it keeps any more people from ¡®bugging¡¯ us. *Chuckle* Let¡¯s get going. As long as we don¡¯t run into anyone else it should be a straight shot to the East Gate.¡± # ¡°I really need to learn to shut up today.¡± Ash said to himself. The three of them were hiding in an alley off of the main street leading to the East Gate. ¡°What¡¯s the problem now?¡± Ave was scanning the crowd in the street. ¡°One of my friends is in the street.¡± said Ash. ¡°Isn¡¯t that a good thing?¡± asked Ave. ¡°Sorry, wrong word. Less friend, more enemy, I guess acquaintance is a better word. If they recognize us it could be a problem. ¡°Can we go out of a different gate?¡± ¡°Sure. But the North and South Gates are on the other sides of town. You know, because of their names.¡± ¡°And the more time we spend in town the more chances there are that some Guards find us.¡± ¡°Who is it?¡± Luke peeked around the corner. ¡°Ted.¡± Ash pointed. Ted was standing in the middle of the road helping unload bags of flour into the bakery. ¡°Is that Ted? Wow. He got big. Or should I say bigger. He was always larger than all of the other kids.¡± said Luke. ¡°Yeah. And right now he¡¯s a massive roadblock.¡± Ave joined them at the corner. ¡°What¡¯s the problem?¡± The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Ash pointed down the street. ¡°Ted is one of our old childhood friends. He¡¯s right in our way. We could try to sneak by but if Luke recognized him then there¡¯s a chance that he¡¯ll recognize Luke as well.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t we just walk past him?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Yeah, can¡¯t we?¡± Luke repeated. ¡°Ted¡¯s weakness is that he likes to be helpful, for anyone, and everyone. If he sees us and the guards ask him any questions, he¡¯s gonna tell them. Our best chance is to sneak by. But we need a distraction.¡± Ash squirted at Ave. ¡°The people in our Town wouldn¡¯t recognize you would they?¡± Ave frowned. ¡°No. No they won¡¯t.¡± # Ted finished loading the flour into the Baker¡¯s cart. ¡°There you are. That should be all of them.¡± ¡°Thanks for all your hard work Ted.¡± The Baker said. ¡°No thanks needed. Helping people makes things easier for everyone. Just let me know if there¡¯s anything else I can do.¡± said Ted. ¡°Have a good day.¡± The Baker headed back into his shop. ¡°You too.¡± Ted turned to leave. There was a young woman standing in front of him. She was¡­ plain. She was also holding a bucket of water. ¡°Can you hold this for me?¡± She held the bucket out to him. ¡°Uh. Sure.¡± Ted carefully grabbed the bucket. ¡°Thank you.¡± She turned and lifted up another bucket that was sitting on the sidewalk. ¡°And this one too.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ted stepped forward and took this bucket as well. The woman turned. There was a line of wooden water pails in a line on the sidewalk behind her. She leaned over again. ¡°And this one. And this one. And this one. Here¡¯s another one. And this one. One more. Rebalance those, and here¡¯s one. Another bucket. Just put this one on top of the others. And here¡¯s one more¡­¡± Ted lost count. There had to be fourteen or fifteen buckets by now. He had started stacking them in an inverted pyramid just to keep up. The pile was so tall that he was having trouble seeing what was in front of him. He couldn¡¯t see the young woman anymore. ¡°Hello? Did you need me to take these somewhere? Hello?¡± Ted called out. There was a rattling sound. The buckets were poorly made. Water was starting to seep out between the cracks in their planks. One of the buckets at the top of the pile was tipping sideways. Its contents were spilling over and pouring into the buckets below causing them to overflow and spill out as well. ¡°Hello? I don¡¯t know how much longer I can hold on to¡­¡± *Ker-sploosh* The stack of containers exploded. The contents became a miniature waterfall that soaked Ted. Not a drop of liquid reached the sidewalk. Ted¡¯s thick woolen clothes absorbed it all. He found himself instantly trapped inside a moist sweater cocoon. The woman he had been helping was nowhere to be seen. *Sigh* ¡°I better find a clothesline.¡± Ted waddled off down the street. # Ash, Ave, and Luke made their escape down the street. Ave turned to Ash. ¡°How did you do that?¡± ¡°Do what?¡± Ash looked back. ¡°You¡¯re kidding?¡± She glanced at Luke and then back to Ash. ¡°You¡¯re kidding right?¡± *Shrug* ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°Seriously? Your summons. You made those water buckets even though you summoned twice already. And I¡¯m pretty sure you summoned back in the restaurant too so that makes three. How did you summon three times in one day? Are you secretly a crystal wizard or something?¡± Ave scanned his clothes. Luke nodded in realization. ¡°Oh right. She doesn¡¯t know.¡± Ave looked confused. ¡°Doesn¡¯t know what?¡± ¡°It¡¯s kind of hard to explain. Ash can summon a lot but¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s trash. It¡¯s always trash.¡± Ash continued. ¡°No matter what I summon it is always the worst possible result.¡± ¡°Right. I guess it¡¯s not so hard to explain.¡± Luke nodded along. Ash tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice. ¡°I can¡¯t explain why but whatever I summon is always the lowest tier in terms of quality. But it also doesn¡¯t use up a lot of my mana. So I can summon multiple times. It¡¯s just never anything useful.¡± Ave held up her hands. ¡°So wait, you¡¯re telling me, that he always summons the worst possible result.¡± She pointed at Ash. ¡°And you always summon the best possible result.¡± She pointed to Luke. ¡°And the two of you are also childhood friends that grew up in the same town.¡± Luke and Ash looked at each other. ¡°Yeah.¡± said Ash ¡°Pretty much.¡± said Luke. Ave stared off into the middle distance for a moment. ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound strange to you two?¡± Luke looked introspective for a moment. Ash interjected. ¡°Luke has light hair. I have dark hair. He¡¯s taller. I¡¯m shorter. He¡¯s athletic and handsome and I¡¯m not.¡± ¡°Hey now.¡± Luke spoke up. ¡°Don¡¯t say that. I¡¯m sure you clean up really well. Maybe get out of those dirty clothes. Are those holes in the elbows of your shirt?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the point.¡± Ash slapped Luke¡¯s hands away. ¡°He was born one way and I was born another. It¡¯s the will of the gods or some other nonsense. No point thinking about it. It¡¯s just what happened. Trying to find some weird pattern isn¡¯t going to help us sleep any better at night.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. And that¡¯s why we¡¯re best pals.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°Save your energy. We might be prison pals by the end of the day.¡± Ash turned back to Ave. ¡°I can¡¯t explain it, but is this really the strangest thing you¡¯ve ever heard of?¡± Ave looked contemplative. ¡°No. I suppose that you¡¯re right.¡± Promo 6 The group made their way down the street. Ash looked behind him. ¡°Alright we should be able to make it to the gate now as long as we don''t run into any more unexpected obstacles.¡± ¡°Is that Lilly?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Son of a -¡± Ash pulled Luke and Ave behind a few barrels. Ave turned around. ¡°What¡¯s the matter now? Another one of your so-called acquaintances?¡± Luke looked at Ash. ¡°I¡¯m with her on this one, Ash. Lilly was one of our best friends growing up. You can¡¯t really think that she would tell the guards about me can you?¡± Ash rolled his eyes. ¡°I know she¡¯s your friend. But you have to remember Lilly has an attention problem. She might recognize you, she might not. But if she does she might follow you around the town asking you all sorts of questions that we don¡¯t have time to answer.¡± Luke looked down. ¡°I suppose that you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°Trust me. Lilly¡¯s attention is more trouble than we need right now.¡± said Ash. Ave looked back down the street at the young woman who was idly peeking into various shop windows. ¡°So what¡¯s the plan?¡± ¡°Lilly¡¯s weakness is curiosity. But she¡¯s also incredibly indecisive. Here.¡± Ash summoned a pile of marbles into Ave¡¯s hand. ¡°What are these for?¡± asked Ave. ¡°Tell her that she can have a marble. But she can only have one. We¡¯ll sneak across when you¡¯re in position.¡± # ¡°Hello.¡± Ave said to get Lilly¡¯s attention. ¡°Hello. How are you?¡± Lilly responded. ¡°Are you Lilly.¡± ¡°Yes that¡¯s me.¡± Lilly started mumbling to herself. ¡°Nose and eyes, statistically average. Height and weight, again statistically average. No noticeable birthmarks or hair colors. I don¡¯t think we¡¯ve met before. At least I can¡¯t remember seeing you before.¡± ¡°I get that a lot. Here.¡± Ave pushed out a handful of marbles. ¡°You can have one if you would like.¡± ¡°Are you sure? That is terribly generous of you.¡± Lilly leaned down to examine the marbles. ¡°Let me see. Marbles huh? Spherical, slightly transparent, melted glass, yes these are definitely marbles.¡± ¡°Right. So did you want one?¡± asked Ave. ¡°Oh you¡¯re giving them to me?¡± asked Lily. ¡°Yes. One. Only one apparently.¡± ¡°Why thank you. I think I will take one. If you really are giving it to me?¡± ¡°Yes that¡¯s what I said.¡± ¡°Which one can I have?¡± ¡°Any one. I don¡¯t think it matters.¡± ¡°So I can just take any one of them?¡± ¡°That''s right.¡± ¡°But just one.¡± Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°That¡¯s still pretty good. I mean, free marble. Let me see.¡± Lilly started looking at the collection from various angles. She poked different marbles rolling them across Ave¡¯s palm. ¡°This one? No. Maybe this one? That¡¯s not right either¡­ do you have any recommendations?¡± ¡°Any recommendations?¡± Ave repeated. ¡°On which marble I should pick.¡± Lilly continued. ¡°These are your marbles after all. I just wanted to know if there were any that were special or unusual, maybe you have a grading system, are there any that are your favorites, although it might be rude to pick those marbles. Just tell me which you think are the best. It doesn¡¯t have to be your favorite, but where would you rank them? How about this one?¡± Lilly lifted a marble out of the pile. ¡°That one is great. Ten out of ten. You can have it.¡± said Ave. ¡°Ten out of ten huh?¡± Lilly placed it back in Ave¡¯s hand. ¡°That is really good. Almost too good. Let¡¯s look at some more. We need to make sure that we have a good foundation for evaluation. You and I might have different criteria for judging the quality of marbles. How about this one?¡± Lilly held up a different marble. ¡°Uh? Seven?¡± said Ave. ¡°Okay. And this one?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Two?¡± ¡°Really? Just two?¡± ¡°Okay four.¡± ¡°That¡¯s better. While we¡¯re doing this we should really start building a qualitative array so that we can categorize the entire pile. I¡¯m thinking columns for size, shape, and color. We can test translucency later under ideal conditions. Let me see if I have any graph paper in my pockets.¡± Lilly started rummaging around in her pockets. ¡°Actually you know what. Here.¡± Ave pushed the pile into Lilly¡¯s hands. ¡°You can have them all.¡± Lilly suddenly pushed back. ¡°No no. You said to take one. And that¡¯s how many I¡¯m going to take. I just have to pick the right one.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. You can have them all.¡± said Ave. ¡°What am I going to do with all of these marbles? One is more than plenty.¡± ¡°Really I don¡¯t care. Just take the whole lot.¡± Ave pushed again. ¡°I can¡¯t just take all of your marbles. That wouldn¡¯t be fair.¡± Lilly pushed back. ¡°They¡¯re yours.¡± ¡°I only want one.¡± ¡°I¡¯m giving them to you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s too generous.¡± ¡°Please. You would be doing me a favor.¡± ¡°But I hardly know you.¡± ¡°Then think of it as a gift.¡± ¡°But I don¡¯t have anything to give you in return.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not necessary. Just take the marbles.¡± ¡°But I insist.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want anything.¡± ¡°Wait. I have an idea.¡± Ave pause in mid marble shove. Lilly continued. ¡°I can¡¯t take all of your marbles. I know. Let me pick out one and you can keep it.¡± Lilly pulled Ave¡¯s hands towards her. ¡°Let me see. This one? No. Maybe this one? That¡¯s not right either¡­¡± # Luke and Ash were standing just inside of the entrance to an alley. Ave walked up to them from down the street. ¡°There you are.¡± Ash waved her over. ¡°We were starting to think you got lost.¡± ¡°Your friend took some time picking me out a going away present.¡± Ave held up a single marble. ¡°At least you got out of there before dark. That¡¯s pretty good.¡± Ash smirked. ¡°You sure know a lot about these people.¡± said Ave. ¡°Like I said. We are all childhood friends.¡± said Ash. ¡°And yet we¡¯ve been avoiding them quite thoroughly.¡± Ash looked annoyed. ¡°It¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°How?¡± *Sigh* Ash raised a hand. ¡°Sometimes you have childhood friends that are the best, and you do everything together. And then one day they get rich and famous and leave town. And it¡¯s sad because you miss them when they¡¯re gone.¡± Ash raised his other hand. ¡°Other times you have childhood friends that never leave town. So you never get a chance to miss them or know what it¡¯s like when they¡¯re not around. So you wind up resenting them because they¡¯re a constant reminder of all your failures. So whenever you have the opportunity you take out your frustration on them and make them look like an idiot.¡± Ash dropped his hands. ¡°Do you get it now? Do you have any friends like that?¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t have friends like that.¡± Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her eyes. ¡°I see.¡± said Ash. ¡°I have coworkers.¡± ¡°Are your coworkers a pain in your posterior?¡± ¡°Sometimes.¡± ¡°Well I don¡¯t have any coworkers so I can¡¯t really say if it¡¯s the same.¡± *Quietly* ¡°I¡¯m beginning to think that¡¯s part of the problem.¡± ¡°What was that?¡± ¡°Nothing. Let¡¯s keep moving.¡± Promo 7 ¡°Who is that beautiful girl?¡± Luke was craning his neck around the corner. A beautiful young woman was strolling through the merchant stalls by the East Gate. Ash joined him. ¡°That¡¯s Charity.¡± Luke leapt back like he had been bit by a snake. ¡°Oh shit! That¡¯s Charity?¡± He turned back. His previous interest had evaporated. ¡°So that¡¯s what they mean by the prettiest flowers have the sharpest thorns.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Oh nothing. Just something I read in a book once.¡± Ave joined them. ¡°Let me guess, another one of your friends from when you were kids.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± said Ash. ¡°And we can¡¯t just talk to her.¡± Ave stated. ¡°Nope.¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°And there¡¯s also a chance that she¡¯ll recognize Luke and alert the guards. Am I right?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Your unpopularity is the biggest obstacle that we¡¯ve had to face so far.¡± Ave frowned. ¡°Listen I know things have been awkward but you have to believe me this time. That¡¯s Charity. She¡¯s the meanest girl in the entire town. Her only joy is making other people miserable. I once saw her marking down all the dress sizes in a women¡¯s clothing store.¡± said Ash. ¡°She used to put chalk in my milk when we were in school.¡± Luke joined in. ¡°One time she locked the door to the bathroom and hid the key right after lunch.¡± Ash continued. ¡°Even after we got in we found out she had stolen all of the toilet paper.¡± ¡°She once bullied a girl so much she had to leave and go to a new school in a different city.¡± said Luke. ¡°That one is unconfirmed. But we did never get to talk with her before she left.¡± Ash turned back to Ave. ¡°She will sell us out the guards as soon as she can if only so she can watch us run.¡± Luke nodded in agreement. ¡°Are you sure about that? That all sounds very¡­ childish.¡± Ave looked skeptical. ¡°If there¡¯s any chance I¡¯ll wind up in the Castle Dungeon she will do everything in her power to make it happen.¡± said Ash. ¡°Being responsible for other people¡¯s unhappiness is one of her two hobbies.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s not as bad as Ash says. But I would still rather not meet her, looking like this.¡± Luke tried to hurriedly brush some of the dirt off of his clothes. ¡°Fine.¡± Ave crossed her arms. ¡°And let me guess again. I¡¯m going to have to be the one to distract her aren¡¯t I?¡± Luke grabbed Ash¡¯s arm. ¡°Maybe we should go to one of the other gates Ash. We can¡¯t sacrifice her to Charity. Nobody deserves that.¡± Ash looked concerned. ¡°I don¡¯t know what we¡¯re going to do. I don¡¯t think that there¡¯s anything in the world that I could summon that would distract her long enough for us to get away. What about you Luke?¡± Luke waved his hands. ¡°I don¡¯t have the energy. Even if I did Charity was never appreciative of my gifts.¡± Ave rolled her eyes. ¡°How old are you two?¡± ¡°Seventeen.¡± They both replied. Ave sighed. ¡°By the gods. You know that in our society you two are adults. You two are grown men. You¡¯ve spent half the day running from the guards, coming up with one elaborate escape plan after another, and now the two of you are hiding in an alley because you¡¯re afraid of some girl that was mean to you in school?¡± Ash and Luke looked at each other. Ash spoke. ¡°She¡¯s right you know.¡± ¡°She is?¡± Luke questioned. ¡°She is.¡± ¡°She is!¡± ¡°Look at us. We¡¯re grown men.¡± Ash thumped his chest. ¡°We¡¯re adults.¡± Luke stamped his foot. ¡°We¡¯re big strong boys!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got hair growing in my armpits!¡± ¡°We shouldn¡¯t be hiding back here. We should be out there! Facing our problems!¡± ¡°That¡¯s right!¡± Luke agreed. ¡°It¡¯s only Charity. It¡¯s not like the last thing she told me before I left was that I would never make it in the big city and one day I would have to run back home to Star Town like a coward.¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s not like she can read our minds and pick out our greatest insecurities.¡± said Ash. ¡°Haha ha ha heeee¡­¡± The two of them shared a pained laugh. ¡°Okay!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°I¡¯m gonna do it! I¡¯m going to go out there and distract her so that you two can sneak by.¡± ¡°Great.¡± said Ave. ¡°Good luck.¡± Said Luke. Ash turned to the street. Then he turned back around. He pointed a finger at Luke. ¡°Unless you would rather go?¡± He said. ¡°Me? No. I was never as good at distracting people as you were.¡± said Luke. ¡°Maybe this would be good practice for you.¡± said Ash. ¡°I think we should let the expert handle it.¡± Luke waved at Ash. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve got this buddy.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ash turned. ¡°Here I go.¡± Then he turned back around. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. ¡°What about the North Gate? It¡¯s not really that far. If we run all the way there we could be out of town by nightfall.¡± Ash explained. Luke nodded. ¡°That¡¯s true. Maybe a little cardio would lift our spirits. And it¡¯s not like we could run into any more Guards than we already have.¡± Ave crossed her arms. ¡°Are you going to go or not?¡± Ash held up his hands. ¡°Fine. I¡¯m going. I¡¯m going.¡± He stepped to the end of the alley. Ave and Luke waited as he stood there fidgeting. Ash looked up at a bird flying overhead. Then down at a snail on the ground. Then he looked straight ahead for a few seconds. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I can¡¯t move.¡± Ash replied. ¡°My legs are stuck. I am paralyzed with fright. Luke, my best friend-¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going out there.¡± Luke cut him off. ¡°No. Not that. Would you¡­ give me a push?¡± asked Ash. ¡°A push?¡± ¡°Just to get me out into the street.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± Luke stepped behind Ash and put his hands on Ash¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Ready?¡± He asked. ¡°No.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Here you go!¡± Luke shoved. He shoved harder than Ash expected. Ash was actually lifted a few inches off of the pavement into the air before he caught himself and stumbled out into the street. Ash took a firm step forward, and right before anyone saw him, dodge-rolled behind a wagon. He stage-whispered to the others. *Sighs from everyone* Luke called back to him. Ave shushed them both. Ash looked relieved. asked Ave. Ash wavered. She exasperated. Luke added under his breath. Ave continued. Ash whispered back. Luke asked. said Ash. Ave asked. Ash replied. Ave face transformed into something¡­ determined. ¡°You two sneak ahead.¡± She stepped out into the street. Luke called after her. ¡°What are you going to do?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to make sure she doesn¡¯t ignore me.¡± # Charity examined a set of hairpins. The Jeweler on the other side of the counter gave her a strained smile. Charity made sure to put each pin back down in the wrong place on the display rack. The pins themselves were gaudy, but they looked expensive. Good for impressing people at a distance. If Jack were here she would use him to undersell some of the more expensive pieces in front of the Jeweler, then leave without purchasing anything. Later she could send Ted in and buy some of the cheaper hairpins. Then she would pawn the lot and wait to see what the Jeweler¡¯s new prices were after a week. She pulled a hairpin off the display rack. There was a hairline crack between the gold setting and the enamel. Charity knew the Jeweler would love to know about this. Before she could speak¡­ ¡°Platina there you are.¡± someone said. Charity turned. There was a young woman standing next to her. She had a plain face. (No foundation. Creases at her eyes. Slightly older. Athletic. A military uniform. From out of town. Slightly too close. Common upbringing. The smell of sweat. She had been running recently. Hair down in front of her face. She didn¡¯t seem to notice. She was looking Charity directly in the eyes. Her statement was a casual greeting. This girl had obviously made a mistake.) Charity turned away from the girl back to the jewelry stand. (It was best to ignore her for now.) ¡°Come on Platina don¡¯t be like that. It¡¯s me.¡± said the strange young woman. *Sigh* (This young woman was obviously too stupid to know when she should just walk away. Charity would have to put her in her place.) ¡°Who are you?¡± Charity let slip between a smile. (Irrelevant. Get her talking.) The plain young woman held up a hand. She covered her mouth. ¡°Sorry. I mistook you for someone else. You can understand my mistake. You¡¯re not as pretty as her.¡± *The sound of an entire universe grinding to a halt* ¡°What did you say?¡± Charity¡¯s smile turned to ice. ¡°I said you kind of look like her. But I was mistaken.¡± Ave pointed to Charity¡¯s outfit. ¡°There¡¯s no way she would have ever worn something like that in public.¡± ¡°Excuse me!?¡± (Stay calm. Find out who she is. Then let her have it.) ¡°Oh you don¡¯t need to ask to be excused. I know that people out here in the country don¡¯t get taught proper manners but that¡¯s not your fault.¡± Ave politely patted Charity on the shoulder. ¡°Who do you think you are?¡± said Charity. (No mercy.) ¡°Me? I¡¯m a Royal Guard.¡± Ave straightened her shoulders so her uniform was in full view. ¡°I¡¯m in town on business.¡± # Ash and Luke were peeking between some bushes across the street. Ash whispered. Luke colluded. # Charity took a deep breath. She straightened her shoulders. (This girl had no idea who she was messing with. She needed to go on the attack.) ¡°Really. What kind of business if I may ask?¡± She said. (identify. Organize.) ¡°You may not.¡± Ave replied smartly. Charity licked her lips. They were surprisingly dry. ¡°Then may I ask you what your name is?¡± ¡°Of course citizen. My name is Ave, Le Tenat Ave Standardabweichung if you want my full name and title.¡± ¡°You are¡­¡± Charity paused. (Low rank. Was she from out of town?) ¡°Did you need me to write that down for you? I understand that people in small villages sometimes have a hard time with names from more cultured cities.¡± said Ave. ¡°There¡¯s no need. I assure you that I have an excellent memory for names.¡± Charity leaned in closer to Ave. ¡°And for faces. I¡¯ll make sure to remember you.¡± ¡°You would be the first.¡± said Ave. ¡°Perhaps I should write to your commanding officer? Make sure that they know what a good job you¡¯re doing in our fair town. I¡¯m sure that I could give them lots of details about your activities.¡± (Let the chain of command do the work for me.) ¡°You¡¯re welcome to do so. But my superiors probably won¡¯t read it.¡± ¡°Why is that?¡± ¡°They¡¯re not in the habit of opening letters from nobodies.¡± said Ave. Ave could feel Charity trying to melt her with her eyes. ¡°How dare¡­ do you have any idea who I am?¡± There was hostility in Charity¡¯s voice now. Ave¡¯s mouth was a frown concealing a smirk. ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of you and as soon as I walk away I¡¯m going to forget all about you.¡± As she said it, Ave stepped to the side and marched past Charity like a soldier on parade. # Luke and Ash were waiting for Ave just past the East Gate. ¡°That was a rush.¡± Ave took a second to catch her breath. ¡°I¡¯m glad that you¡­ enjoyed yourself?¡± Ash said. ¡°Did you see the look on her face? She hated me. She looked like she wanted to kill me.¡± Ave panted. ¡°Great. Now let¡¯s get out of here before she decides to follow through on that.¡± said Ash. ¡°I¡¯ve never abused my authority like that before. It was amazing.¡± said Ave. ¡°Well good¡­ job?¡± Luke turned to Ave as they walked. ¡°Aren¡¯t you a Royal Guard? Didn¡¯t you ever push people around when you worked in the Palace?¡± ¡°No. Never. My job was to stand still and wait until I was needed.¡± said Ave. ¡°Sounds boring.¡± said Luke. ¡°It was.¡± Ash looked at the two of them. ¡°Well let¡¯s hope that there¡¯s no more excitement today. Come on. My house is down the road.¡± The three of them turned and jogged down the road. Promo 8 Homecoming ¡°Is that Goateus Maximus?¡± Luke pointed towards the goat sitting beside Ash¡¯s home. ¡°Oh yeah. You remember him?¡± Ash said as they walked through the front yard next to his family¡¯s home. ¡°I¡¯m just amazed that he¡¯s still alive. He was already super old when I left three years ago. You must be feeding him really well for him to have lived so long.¡± said Luke. ¡°Only the best.¡± ¡°Maaahhhh.¡± The goat bleated loudly as they approached. ¡°If I had known he was still alive I might not have left that letter. I suppose we were just lucky that he didn¡¯t eat it.¡± Luke patted the goat on the head. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you leave the letter with my mom when you were here? She could have just given it to me.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to bother her.¡± ¡°She sits at home all day. You wouldn¡¯t have bothered her.¡± said Ash. ¡°Either way I just wanted to try and find you first.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Ash looked embarrassed. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°Plus I was worried that she might make a big deal out of my arrival and tell other people in town.¡± ¡°Yeah. You know my mom. There¡¯s no way she could keep a secret.¡± Ash held out the door open for Luke. ¡°Here. Let¡¯s get inside.¡± When he turned back he saw Ave crouching down in front of Goateus. Human and goat were looking at each other in silence. *burp* The goat coughed up a half eaten corn cob. ¡°Oh my goodness. He¡¯s just a little cutey.¡± Ave started scratching the goat on his chinny chin chin. ¡°What a stocky little thing you are. Yes you are. What a good boy.¡± Goateus puffed out his chest. Ash rolled his eyes. ¡°He¡¯s just an old goat.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say that. Look at how well behaved he is. He must really like your family to sit out here so patiently.¡± said Ave. ¡°He just likes that I feed him all the time.¡± Ave started rubbing Goateus¡¯s stomach. ¡°Who has a chubby little belly? You do.¡± ¡°Anyway we were trying to hide from the law.¡± Ave stood up and dusted off her hands. ¡°Right. That¡¯s right. Let¡¯s go inside.¡± # ¡°Is that Luke?¡± Ash¡¯s mother was holding Luke by the shoulders. ¡°Look at how big you¡¯ve gotten. I hope you¡¯ve been eating well. Heavens it''s been years since you went away to the Capital. What a handsome young man you¡¯ve become.¡± She pulled Luke in for a deep hug. Luke bashfully returned the hug. ¡°It¡¯s good to see you again Ms Sifter.¡± ¡°When did you get back in town?¡± Ms Sifter asked. ¡°Only today.¡± said Luke. ¡°You should have come by sooner.¡± ¡°I did. I left a note.¡± ¡°So that was you. I was wondering who could have left that. Here I was starting to think that my little Ash might have a secret admirer.¡± ¡°Mom!¡± Ash groaned. ¡°Come in and sit down. Can I get you anything?¡± Ash¡¯s mother clucked over Luke. ¡°Not right now mam. Thank you.¡± said Luke. ¡°I keep hoping that Ash will patch things up with the others in town or maybe introduce himself to someone. But if he can¡¯t make new friends then bringing home his long lost brother is just as good.¡± She patted Luke on the shoulder. ¡°Actually Mother. I¡¯ve done both today.¡± Ash stood up straight. He nodded at Ave standing next to him. ¡°This is Ave. We just met her today.¡± ¡°Oh heavens this one is as quiet as a mouse. You certainly snuck up on me. Wait a moment. Ash!? Did you bring a girl home? This is a day. And she¡¯s pretty too.¡± His mother started examining Ave. ¡°Mom! We don¡¯t have time for this.¡± Ash tried to shoo her away. ¡°And what¡¯s your name?¡± His mother ignored him. ¡°Ave mam.¡± Ave replied. ¡°Oh yes. He said that didn¡¯t he? Sorry. There¡¯s just so many new faces. We haven¡¯t had guests in a while. Tell me young lady where are you from?¡± ¡°The Capital mam.¡± said Ave. ¡°The Capital is it? What brought you all the way out here? You have the look of a military woman. Don¡¯t tell me that my boy has done something and that you¡¯re here to arrest him. Hoho.¡± This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. Ash, Luke and Ave stared at each other in silence. ¡°Hmmm.¡± Ash¡¯s mother tried to ignore the awkward silence. ¡°Anyway it¡¯s just nice to have company. Where are my manners? Let me get you something to drink. Ash will you get two more cups out of the cupboard?¡± ¡°Fine.¡± Said Ash reluctantly. Ash opened the cupboard and pulled out two cups. Two cups. There were already two cups on the table. His mother didn¡¯t know he was coming home so soon. Ash looked at the two cups in his hands. He looked at the two cups on the table. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He looked back at the two cups on the table, then back at the cups in his hands. Back and forth. Again. Two cups. ¡°Mom¡­¡± Ash spoke. ¡°Is there someone else in the house?¡± ¡°Ha¡­whaAat?¡± His mother smiled. ¡°Is there someone else inside the house?¡± He repeated. Luke looked around in confusion. Ave¡¯s hand slowly went to her sword. There was a creaking sound from the pantry on the other side of the room. ¡°Who¡¯s there!¡± Ash held out the two cups in his hands in what he hoped was a menacing fashion. Ave stood up from the table. Luke inched his hand across the table towards one of the other cups. ¡°Now Ash darling I want you to calm down. Everything is fine.¡± Ms Sifter said. There was a thump from the other side of the pantry door. ¡°Come out of there whoever you are! I¡¯ve got¡­ an army.¡± Ash shrieked. ¡°Alright hold on. Give me a minute to find my pants.¡± Came the muffled reply. The pantry door slowly creaked open. A few wicker baskets that had been improperly stored on the other side tumbled into the doorway. A figure lurched into the frame. The person standing on the other side of the door had to shift his shoulders to fit his broad chest through the door. ¡°Hey there sport. So uh¡­ yeah.¡± Mr Smithe tried to give a disarming smile to the other people in the room. One of his hands was holding a bottle of wine. The other was grasping the side of his trousers. His shirt and tunic were nowhere to be seen. ¡°Mr Smithe?¡± Ash looked at him in shock. He slowly lowered the cups he was holding. ¡°Yeah. Oh? I see you brought some company over. Nice to meet you all¡­¡± said Mr Smithe. ¡°Mr Smithe what were you doing in our pantry?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Oh that? You see¡­¡± The blacksmith wavered. ¡°I was¡­ I came by your house to uh¡­ have a chat with your mother.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Ash¡¯s mother followed up. ¡°And we were talking, and I brought some wine, this wine.¡± He held out his hand. ¡°And then I spilled some, so I went into the pantry to change my pants, because they got wine on them, wine that we were drinking. While we were chatting. In the house.¡± Mr Smithe trailed off. ¡°About you. My dear. Mr Smithe is always telling me what a hard worker you are. Every time I see him he says how diligent you are with your deliveries.¡± Ms Sifter jumped in. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Smithe nodded. ¡°Every time?¡± Ash spun. ¡°The two of you¡­ talk a lot?¡± ¡°Well, I mean now and then you know.¡± His mother stammered out. ¡°A few times a week.¡± The blacksmith replied. He looked at Ash¡¯s mother. ¡°Maybe less. Maybe only a few times a month. Actually hardly ever. Maybe none!? This is my first time here. You have a lovely home. What is this? A pantry? I didn¡¯t see that there.¡± ¡°Where is your shirt?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Hmmm?¡± The older man made a tight line with his mouth. ¡°Your shirt. Why are you half dressed and hiding in our pantry?¡± ¡°Well I didn¡¯t know it was the pantry when I went in there. But as soon as I did I noticed that some of the boards were loose. You know me. I¡¯m a handy man. I like to fix things. So I thought I would take a look at those boards.¡± He responded. ¡°That¡¯s very thoughtful of you Mr Smithe.¡± Ash¡¯s mother said. ¡°Of course my dear, my dear lady, my good lady, lady friend. Anything I can do to help out.¡± Mr Smithe smiled at Ms Sifter. ¡°And your shirt?¡± Ash interjected. ¡°Right. That. It got dirty. From the boards. And nothing else.¡± The blacksmith continued. ¡°So what did you do with it?¡± ¡°Oh I took it off. It was sweaty and dirty. Because it was so hot in the pantry.¡± ¡°I bet it was.¡± Whispered Ave from across the room. ¡°...uuuggghhh¡­.¡± Ash slowly tilted against the cupboard behind him. He made a sound like the air being let out of a balloon. ¡°How long?¡± ¡°What?¡± His mother questioned. ¡°How long has this been going on?¡± ¡°What are you talking about dear?¡± ¡°Mom I¡¯m not sure how much more nonsense I can handle today.¡± Ash spun around and pointed at Luke and Ave sitting at the table. ¡°My childhood friend who I haven¡¯t seen in years summoned a Demon Lord.¡± *Point* ¡°She¡¯s a Royal Guard who was sent here to arrest him but decided to help him instead.¡± *Points at self* ¡°I lied to the other guards in order to cover for them.¡± *Waves hands around room* ¡°We broke into Luke¡¯s parents house, avoided all of our old friends, and almost got arrested like three different times.¡± Ash slammed the cups down on the table for emphasis. ¡°So please, before we are captured and sent to the Reformatorium, just tell me how long this has been going on so that I can neatly index it with all of the other absurd things that have happened to me today.¡± *Deep breath* Luke and Ave tried to fade into the background. Ave was better at this than Luke. Ash¡¯s mother twisted her apron strings. ¡°Just over a year.¡± ¡°A whole year!¡± Ash sat down at the table. ¡°How have I never noticed this until now?¡± ¡°Well to be fair you don¡¯t really pay attention.¡± said Ms Sifter. ¡°What do you mean? I pay attention.¡± ¡°Hmmm, not really.¡± His mother pursed her lips. ¡°You¡¯re always off daydreaming at the charcoal piles. Or sulking in the woods. Even when you go into town to sell charcoal to Mr Smithe you don¡¯t come back until evening. You say you don¡¯t like the town but you do spend an awful lot of time there.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because¡­¡± Ash trailed off. ¡°You¡¯ve always been so sensitive.¡± Ash¡¯s mother walked over. She held Ash in her arms and stroked his hair. ¡°Me?¡± mumbled Ash. ¡°Yes. But you always spend so much time in your own head. There was never a good moment to bring it up. I didn¡¯t want to upset you.¡± ¡°Well thannnnk you! For sparing my super sensitive feelings.¡± ¡°See. Like this.¡± ¡°I guess I¡¯ll go cry myself to sleep tonight. Just me and my delicate emotions.¡± ¡°Alright dear that¡¯s enough.¡± Ms Sifter smiled. She kissed Ash on the top of his head and straightened his shirt collar. Ash grumbled to himself. His mother continued. ¡°Really I¡¯m surprised that you didn¡¯t notice sooner. I mean, it has been a whole year.¡± Ash was struck by lightning. ¡°That¡¯s right. After the Blue Moon Festival you started wearing your hair up. You were washing it regularly. I thought it was just to keep the soot out. You also started drinking cranberry juice. And you!¡± He turned to the blacksmith. ¡°You started trimming your nails, and waxing your beard, and you put a washbasin in your smithy. The two of you were cleaning yourselves up so that you could¡­ why didn¡¯t I notice? It happened at the exact same time!¡± Ave spoke from across the table. ¡°Believe me when I say that people have a way of ignoring things they don¡¯t like. Even when it¡¯s right in front of them.¡± Ms Sifter turned to the two others. ¡°Oh yes. Sorry. I forgot that the two of you were there. Forgive me.¡± She patted down her apron and looked at Ave. ¡°Now what was that about you coming to arrest my son?¡± Promo 9 ¡°So that¡¯s what happened.¡± Luke finished retelling his story. ¡°That¡¯s why we¡¯re on the run. It¡¯s all my fault.¡± ¡°Now now you sweet thing. Don¡¯t say that.¡± Ash¡¯s mother embraced Luke pulling him tightly between her arms and squeezing him into her chest. ¡°It¡¯s not your fault. Or well¡­ it is, but those men from the Capital were taking advantage of you.¡± ¡°Thank you Ms Sifter.¡± Came the muffled reply. Ash¡¯s mother held Luke at arms length and started straightening his hair. ¡°I knew that you were too young when they sent you off to the Capital. You and Ash were brothers. It tore me apart to see your parents let you go like that. I always knew that sneaky scoundrels from the Capital would trick a simple boy like you into supporting their schemes.¡± ¡°Uh, thank you?¡± Luke blushed. ¡°But now that you¡¯re back home and we¡¯re all together everything is going to be okay.¡± she said. ¡°That¡¯s very good to hear Ms Sifter.¡± *Cough* ¡°What was that?¡± Ash¡¯s mother looked up. *Cough*Cough* Ave cleared her throat again. Ms Sifter turned to her. ¡°Oh yes. You. Sorry I don¡¯t mean to ignore you.¡± ¡°Right.¡± Ave dryly replied. ¡°So you¡¯re a Royal Guard?¡± She turned her attention to Ave. ¡°Yes.¡± Ave replied. ¡°But you¡¯re not here to arrest anyone.¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Hmmm. Well then. Thank you?¡± Ash¡¯s mother leaned over the table. she whispered. ¡°What?¡± He replied. ¡°Have you shown this young lady around the town?¡± she asked. ¡°Yes mother. We went all over the town. While we were running from the other guards.¡± said Ash. ¡°I see¡­¡± His mother looked thoughtful. ¡°Did you two get a chance to talk at all?¡± ¡°Mom this is not the time.¡± Ash hissed through his teeth. He turned to Ave at the table. ¡°Now that we have a chance I wanted to ask you something.¡± ¡°Yes?¡± Ave replied. ¡°You came to Star Town with the other guards right?¡± he asked. ¡°Correct.¡± Ave said. ¡°And all the guards were sent to arrest Luke by the Council?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°Sooo¡­ why didn¡¯t you?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Luke jumped in. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you arrest me? Why did you decide to help us?¡± ¡°The same reason as you. To stop the Demon Lord of course.¡± Ave replied. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Ash looked confused. ¡°The who? Oh right! That guy. You guys keep saying that he¡¯s a monster meant to destroy the world. But is he really that bad?¡± Ave looked serious. ¡°Luke was not exaggerating. The Demon Lord is real and he is a dangerous threat to our entire world. He has¡­ powers.¡± ¡°What kind of powers?¡± asked Ash. Luke spoke in a hushed tone. ¡°Legends say that he can kill a man with only a thought. That he can summon an army of monsters. And that he can blot out the sun and cover the land in an eternal darkness.¡± Ash raised an eyebrow. ¡°Did you see him do any of these things?¡± ¡°No I was passed out after the summoning. Technically I didn¡¯t see the actual Demon Lord either. I think I kind of saw his shape and maybe heard him cough so¡­¡± Luke picked at his ear. Ash turned to Ave. ¡°Did you see him do anything?¡± ¡°No. Not while I was there.¡± She replied. ¡°Are you sure that he¡¯s not just some guy in a spooky set of armor?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I¡¯m sure¡± Ave was dead certain. ¡°People tend to exaggerate the supernatural. My father always said that things in our world have a rational explanation.¡± Ash leaned back a little. ¡°I was in the room when he was summoned. The Demon Lord is not a mortal man.¡± Ave said. ¡°What about the Royal Guards? If you told the other guards couldn¡¯t they just get together and capture him?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­ not likely¡± Luke grimaced. ¡°The guards may be sworn to protect the King and the Royal family but it''s the Council that gives them their orders.¡± ¡°He¡¯s right.¡± Ave continued. ¡°While the King is the leader of our nation it¡¯s the Council that controls the army. The Council oversees the Kingdom¡¯s military, finances, and development. They are the ones that really rule the country.¡± Ave glowered. ¡°I was the favored summoner of the Royal Family but if the Council ordered it they could have thrown me into the dungeon without any questions.¡± said Luke. Ave nodded. ¡°Luke is a political liability. The White Council can¡¯t let it get out that they were the ones to summon the Demon Lord.¡± ¡°Technically I was the one that did the summoning.¡± Luke spoke up. ¡°That is not something that you want to be taking credit for.¡± Ave said. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Anyway, I decided to help you because I believe that helping the Royal Summoner is the best chance we have of stopping the Demon Lord.¡± ¡°Well, thank you.¡± Luke blushed. ¡°Now that we have a chance to speak I think that it would be a good time for you to tell everyone your plan.¡± she said. ¡°Hmmm?¡± Luke¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°My what?¡± ¡°Your plan.¡± Ave waved her hands for emphasis. ¡°For defeating the Demon Lord?¡± ¡°Uh, who said anything about defeating the Demon Lord?¡± asked Luke. ¡°But you¡­ you¡¯re the one who summoned him.¡± said Ave. ¡°And I feel really bad about that.¡± ¡°So you have to use your powers to stop him.¡± ¡°Do I?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Does he?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Yes. If he doesn¡¯t then¡­ it¡¯s a thousand years of darkness.¡± Ave stuttered. Luke looked abashed. ¡°Look I would love to help but I have no idea how to stop a Demon Lord. I didn¡¯t know what I was doing when I summoned him in the first place. I don¡¯t think there¡¯s a way I can just un-summon him¡­ is there?¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t think so.¡± Ave frowned. ¡°Then I¡¯m out of ideas.¡± Luke said. ¡°Then¡­ what have you been doing all this time?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Trying not to get arrested. Same as you.¡± ¡°But why did you run away from the castle?¡± ¡°I didn''t want anyone to find out what I had done.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t have a plan?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then why did you come back to your home town? Aren¡¯t you here to gather allies and supplies?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I was hoping to find someone who wouldn¡¯t yell at me about all this. Kinda like what¡¯s happening now.¡± Luke said. Ash leaned in. ¡°I would have yelled at him but I didn¡¯t really understand what he was talking about at the time.¡± Ave spun around. ¡°Wait! Do you not have a plan either?¡± ¡°Me? No way. I only learned about this stuff today.¡± Ash said. ¡°Then why did you help him? ¡°He asked me too. Why? Do you not have a plan either?¡± Ash raised an eyebrow. ¡°No!. The only reason I came along was because I thought that you two had some idea of how to stop the Demon Lord.¡± Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her face. There was a second before Ash spoke. ¡°Well¡­ don¡¯t you look stupid.¡± Promo A Ash¡¯s mother finished lighting some candles to illuminate the inside of the house. Dusk was just beginning to fall outside. ¡°I know that you¡¯re all feeling upset right now.¡± She set down some bowls on the table. ¡°Here. Have some turnip soup. It¡¯s your favorite.¡± ¡°Turnip soup is no one¡¯s favorite, mom!¡± Ash shot back. ¡°I know. I just wanted to make you feel better.¡± She replied. Around the table Ash¡¯s mother was setting out bowls, Mr Smithe was quietly refilling his cup, Ash was spooning his soup, Luke was trying to keep his posture straight, and Ave was slouched backwards over her chair. Luke broke the ice. ¡°So¡­ uh. What now?¡± Ave flopped a hand onto the table. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She groused to the ceiling. ¡°Go back to the Capital I guess. I¡¯m probably fired. Or maybe not. Who knows? Most people forget where I work so maybe they haven¡¯t noticed I¡¯m gone.¡± She leaned forward and bonelessly collapsed onto the table, her face smooshed against the planks of wood. ¡°I could probably slide right back into my job and pretend like nothing ever happened.¡± She let out an extended *Siiigh*. ¡°Sorry about that.¡± Luke apologized. ¡°I wish I could have been more help.¡± *Shrug* ¡°It¡¯s fine. Somebody else will save the kingdom. Probably¡­ I just wish I had an easy way to get back to the Capital.¡± ¡°I might be able to assist you with that.¡± said Luke. Luke rolled up his shirt and unbuckled his belt. Using one hand to hold his shirt he jammed the other hand down his pants. ¡°Hold on.¡± He grunted. After a few seconds of concentrated searching he pulled a cloth sack out from behind his waistband. He set the sack on the table. There was a gentle rustling sound from inside. Luke turned the sack on its side and clattering of small gemstones bounced into the candlelight of the house. ¡°Are those¡­ paid crystals?¡± Ash pointed to the gemstones. ¡°Is it your first time seeing them?¡± Ave snarked. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m poor, not ignorant.¡± Came Ash¡¯s re-snark. ¡°One does not exclude the other.¡± Followed Ave¡¯s snark combo. Mr Smithe stretched an arm out and grabbed one of the pebble sized stones in his hands. He held the translucent blue stone up to one eye and examined it. ¡°Clear quality, distinct color, no imperfections, these must have maximum mana potential. Using these to perform extra summons would almost certainly get you top tiered results.¡± He counted the stones. ¡°Five red, five blue, seven green, eleven orange, this is a small fortune. Where did you get all of these?¡± Luke smirked. ¡°As the Royal Summoner I had access to a considerable amount of resources. I may have taken a few when I was leaving the castle.¡± ¡°You stole these?¡± asked Ash. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°I know! I¡¯m a criminal.¡± Luke collapsed face first onto the table. His exclamation was followed by several seconds of miserable moans. Ash rolled his eyes. Ave looked at the gems. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you bring them up before now?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t think it was important.¡± Luke replied. ¡°AaHhhnnn!¡­. I¡¯m too sad to be angry.¡± She deflated. Mr Smithe pondered to himself. ¡°These gems are worth a lot. Every now and then I have to buy some for the shop when I need to summon without waiting for my mana to refresh. If you needed to, you could sell them to a Guild.¡± Luke looked up from the table. ¡°I had more, but I used them to pay for the carriage rides to get here.¡± ¡°How many more did you have?¡± The blacksmith asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know. Maybe twice as many.¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°That many! And you spent half of them to pay the carriage drivers?¡± ¡°Is that a lot?¡± ¡°Luke my boy, do you¡­ not know about money?¡± Luke tried to pull his bangs in front of his eyes. ¡°This is why I¡¯m the wrong person to save a kingdom. I don¡¯t even know what things cost anymore.¡± The older man patted him on the shoulder. ¡°Come now. Don¡¯t be too hard on yourself. Today has been a day of education for all of us.¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you go home. Or at least find a shirt.¡± Ash shot across the table. ¡°I think that I might have left one here during a previous visit.¡± Mr Smithe replied. ¡°By the dark eye.¡± Ash rubbed his forehead. ¡°I didn¡¯t need to know that.¡± Ash¡¯s mother sat down at the table. ¡°So what now? Sell the gems and retire to the countryside?¡± Mr Smithe followed. ¡°Or we could find an older house that¡¯s on the market, fix it up, then flip it. I think there¡¯s a mansion in town that¡¯s been vacant for a few years.¡± *Luke Groans* ¡°It would be nice to be back in the city.¡± Ms Sifter mused. ¡°Somewhere with running water again.¡± ¡°Maybe a bathtub big enough for two.¡± Mr Smithe raised an eyebrow. ¡°Oh stop it you.¡± She chuckled. ¡°Nobody is retiring anywhere.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°We¡¯re going to keep our heads down until the guards leave and hope that all of this demon nonsense blows over.¡± ¡°What about me?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know. We¡¯ll cut your hair. Tell everyone that you¡¯re my cousin. It¡¯s been a few years so most people in town won¡¯t recognize you. After the swords are gone we can smooth things over with the Mayor.¡± ¡°I guess that could work.¡± Luke murmured. ¡°Things will be fine. It¡¯s not like anyone knows you¡¯re here.¡± *Knock*Knock* There was a quick knocking on the door. Everyone inside turned and waited in silence. A voice shouted from beyond the door. ¡°Hello is there anyone inside?¡± Luke whispered. Ash hushed a reply. Ave asked. Ms Sifter offered. Luke pointed. Ash said. Ash¡¯s mom held up a kitchen knife. The voice shouted again. ¡°This is the Royal Guards! We are in the middle of an investigation and demand that you open up.¡± Mr Smithe whispered to the others. Ave crouched behind the table. Ash hissed back. ¡°We followed a trail of dead moths to this location.¡± Came the voice from the other side of the door. ¡°Now open up immediately in the name of the King!¡± Mr Smithe turned to Ash. Promo B The Gloved Guard rubbed his wrists. The Pauldron Wearing Guard stretched his shoulders. ¡°Are you sure that someone is in there?¡± The Gloved Guard asked. ¡°I heard someone whispering.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard responded. ¡°Also look at the lights. There has to be someone home.¡± ¡°This cottage is fairly isolated. Do you really think our suspect came all the way out here?¡± ¡°The isolation is a good thing. It makes it the perfect hideout.¡± ¡°You really think this tiny house is a hideout?¡± ¡°My gut tells me it¡¯s suspicious.¡± ¡°My gut is telling me we should go back to town and find some food.¡± ¡°Did you forget about the trail of dead moths?¡± ¡°Yes, yes, the moths. I hate to have to tell you this but moths are not known for their vitality. Anything in the world could have killed them. Birds¡­ other insects¡­ maybe even a strong breeze.¡± ¡°My gut says this is the place and we¡¯re not leaving until we conduct a ¡®thorough¡¯ investigation.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard turned back to the door. *Bang*Bang*Bang* ¡°Open up! This is your final warning.¡± he shouted. The door creaked open. The light from inside the house was obscured by the silhouette of a large man standing in the doorway. The Guards'' hands reflexively moved to the swords on their belts. The fading light from outside poured past the door revealing a stocky, barrel chested man with powerful arms who was stripped to the waist. His dark face was hidden by a thick beard. After sizing up the two men outside he stretched a wide smile across his face. ¡°Good evening gentlemen.¡± Mr Smithe said. ¡°Er, yes, is there anything that I can do for you?¡± ¡°Good evening.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard returned. ¡°We are Royal Guards¡­¡± ¡°I can see that.¡± Mr Smithe said. ¡°... We are Royal guards investigating this area and searching for a criminal.¡± ¡°Is that right?¡± ¡°It is. We need to come inside to look around.¡± ¡°For what?¡± ¡°For¡­ For the criminal!¡± ¡°No thank you.¡± *Slam* Mr Smithe shut the door with unexpected force. ¡°Did he just close the door on us?¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard asked. ¡°Looks like it.¡± The Gloved Guard observed. ¡°No one obstructs the Royal Guards.¡± ¡°He just did.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see about that!¡± *Bang*Bang*Bang* ¡°You in there! Open up! We are the Royal Guards! Do you hear me!?¡± *Bang*Bang*Ban¡­ The door opened suddenly. The Pauldron Wearing Guard¡¯s fist sailed through the air and bounced off of the shirtless man¡¯s pectoral muscle. *Ahem* ¡°As I was saying we need to investigate this location in order to determine if¡­¡± ¡°Sorry. No thanks.¡± Said Smithe. *Slam #2* The Pauldron Wearing Guard turned around. Then he turned red. ¡°Did he¡­?¡± The Gloved Guard nodded. ¡°Mmhmm.¡± ¡°Again¡­?¡± ¡°Mmhmm.¡± ¡°By the dark eye he did!¡± *Bang*Bang*Bang* ¡°Open this door! This is your final warning!¡± There was the sound of muffled conversation on the other side of the door. A second later the door opened again. A short, plump woman in a simple blouse with her hair pulled back in a braid appeared this time. ¡°Oh my.¡± She said through a polite smile. ¡°Forgive us. We¡¯re not used to having guests all the way out here.¡± She took a step back and opened the door wider. She gestured with her hand. ¡°Please won¡¯t you come inside?¡± ¡°That¡¯s more like it.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard said. He moved to the door and turned slightly sideways so that he could fit his mighty pauldrons through the frame of the entrance. The Gloved Guard followed behind him. They paced into the living room of the house and took a look around. Plain wooden furniture decorated the room. An iron stove and copper washbasin were set up in kitchen. There was a table with four chairs and cups. A pair of wooden cupboards and beds were set against the wall. Short candles illuminated the interior. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. The short woman and the large man stepped to the side over by the kitchen area. ¡°So how can we help you? You said that you were looking for someone.¡± Ms Sifter said. ¡°That¡¯s right. A dangerous fugitive. They¡¯re on the run all the way from the Capital.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard let his eyes wander around the room. ¡°That certainly sounds dangerous. What did this criminal do?¡± she asked. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ not allowed to discuss that with civilians.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard adjusted his belt. ¡°Of course. It¡¯s not like you would have come all the way out here for no reason.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard sniffed. The woman¡¯s cheerful smile never faltered. ¡°Have you seen anyone suspicious around here?¡± he asked. ¡°Suspicious¡­ you mean like maybe someone that looks like they don¡¯t belong?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°Maybe someone that comes banging on the door demanding to be let in and then doesn¡¯t tell us anything about what they¡¯re looking for? Someone like that?¡± The fortified guard narrowed his eyes. The woman¡¯s smile was made out of plaster. He looked at the broad shouldered man standing next to her. The man was trying his hardest to stand perfectly still, too still. There were beads of sweat collecting on his forehead. The Pauldron Wearing Guard circled the table like a vulture. ¡°The two of you live here?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°And what is your relationship if you don¡¯t mind my asking?¡± ¡°We¡¯re¡­¡± ¡°Married!¡± The larger man burst out. ¡°What?¡± The woman turned. The blacksmith turned the woman. ¡°Marry me. To me. Married to me. Is what I want to say¡­ to you.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± She asked. The taller man nodded. Sweat cascaded down his neck like a miniature river. The woman¡¯s smile faded and she looked lost in concentration for a moment. All three men in the room waited in confused silence. Finally she looked back up at the heavy man and nodded as well. ¡°Alright.¡± She turned back to the guards. ¡°Yes. This is my husband.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard raised an eyebrow. ¡°And have the two of you been married for long?¡± ¡°We knew each other for many years but our actual marriage was¡­ sudden.¡± Ms Sifter said. ¡°And the two of you live here? Outside the city?¡± ¡°It¡¯s the family home.¡± ¡°You live here by yourselves? No one else?¡± ¡°We like the quiet. Fewer people asking too many questions.¡± The woman¡¯s placid smile had returned. The Pauldron Wearing Guard eyed the shirtless man across the table from him. ¡°I see that your husband doesn¡¯t feel the need to dress up at home.¡± The large man mumbled. ¡°I was work¡­ working out.¡± The shoulder pad security guard scanned the room again. ¡°Without any weights?¡± ¡°You¡¯ll have to forgive him.¡± The woman interrupted. ¡°He was just being polite. The truth is we were working out together.¡± ¡°And how do you do that?¡± The Guard asked. ¡°Why, the same way that men and women have exercised together since the beginning of time. And as a matter of fact you have interrupted our nightly routine.¡± She tugged open the top string on her blouse and then placed her palms on the table. ¡°Now if you don¡¯t mind we would like to get back to our evening plans. In private if you don¡¯t mind.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard frowned. The Gloved Guard leaned in towards his comrade. ¡°This is a dead end. There¡¯s nobody here. Let¡¯s just go.¡± ¡°Hmmph.¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard angled his shoulders back towards the door. The Gloved Guard followed him. As he crossed the threshold with one magnificent pauldron still inside, he stopped, then turned ever so slightly. ¡°Before we go you said that the two of you live alone out here. Is that correct?¡± The woman straightened her shoulders. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°Were you expecting anyone this evening?¡± ¡°No.¡± She frowned. The Guard smiled. ¡°Then why are there two pairs of cups on the table?¡± The woman looked at the table then back to the guard. There was a moment of panic in her eyes. ¡°That is¡­¡± She trailed off. *Thump*Thump* Suddenly there was a noise from across the room. ¡°What was that?¡± The metal capped guard tried to turn quickly. His splendid pauldrons clattered into the door frame lodging him in place. ¡°Damnit!¡± He shouted to the Gloved Guard. ¡°Go check that out!¡± The white gloved guard crossed the room to the door of the pantry. ¡°That is¡­ that¡¯s just the pantry.¡± The woman started after him. ¡°Don¡¯t!¡± The shirtless blacksmith raised a hand. The Gloved Guard braced his feet and squared his shoulders in front of the pantry. He threw open the door. Nobody moved. ¡°Well?¡± The Pauldron Wearing Guard dislodged himself from the door. ¡°What is it? Who¡¯s in there?¡± ¡°No one.¡± Came the reply. ¡°What?¡± ¡°It¡¯s only a goat.¡± said the Guard. Everyone standing in the room craned their necks to peek into the pantry. In addition to some glass jars and wicker baskets the small side room was filled on three sides with piles of turnips. Most of them were pale with wilted leaves. Atop this pile of moldy produce was a tubby goat with shaggy hair. The goat was staring directly at the Gloved Guard as it crunched a particularly wet turnip between its flat teeth. *Crunch*Chew*Crunch* The Gloved Guard tried not to look directly into the goat¡¯s beady eyes. ¡°There¡¯s nothing here. Only piles of moldy turnips. And a goat.¡± ¡°Close the door!¡± The woman yelled. ¡°What?¡± The Gloved Guard looked back in confusion. ¡°Don¡¯t let him out. He¡¯ll eat everything in the house.¡± ¡°The goat?¡± asked the Guard. ¡°Yes the goat. Haven¡¯t you ever seen a goat before?¡± ¡°Well maybe I can¡­¡± The Gloved Guard tepidly raised a gloved hand towards the goat. ¡°Maaahhh!¡± The goat hopped off of the turnip pile. Seven turnips tumbled down the pile after him. The goat menacingly hoofed his way over to the pantry entrance. ¡°Ahhh! Alright fine. Fine.¡± The guard hustled back and shut the pantry door. ¡°There¡¯s nothing here. Let¡¯s go.¡± The two guards grumbled their way out of the door. # Meanwhile inside the pantry Goateus Maximus clip-clopped his way back to the top of the turnip pile and resumed eating. A dozen turnips rolled off of the vegetable heap. Ash¡¯s head poked through the top of the pile. He quickly checked to see if anyone else was in the room. ¡°Is everyone else alright?¡± He called. Two more bunches of turnips tumbled away. Luke and Ave poked their heads out as well. ¡°We¡¯re fine.¡± Ave responded. She sniffed her hair. ¡°These turnips really stink.¡± ¡°Goateus doesn¡¯t mind.¡± said Ash. ¡°Maaah.¡± *Crunch*Chew* Came the billie¡¯s response. ¡°I wish I shared his enthusiasm.¡± Ave remarked. ¡°Good job summoning so many turnips Ash.¡± Luke spoke from the other side of the room. ¡°By the way I think I found Mr Smithe¡¯s shirt.¡± Luke held up a soggy garment. He shuffled in the pile and pulled out another piece of clothing. ¡°And his belt.¡± Promo C Homeleaving Ave whispered. She was peeking through the curtains into the front yard of Ash¡¯s house. Luke crouched down by the windowsill next to her. ¡°Are they still out there?¡± He asked. ¡°Yeah. They¡¯re chatting over there by their horses. I can¡¯t hear what they¡¯re saying.¡± said Ave. ¡°Do you think they¡¯re still suspicious about the house?¡± asked Luke. ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­ They haven¡¯t left yet.¡± In the middle of the room Ash sat at the dining table with his mother and the blacksmith sitting across from him. There was a pile of moldy turnips placed in the middle of the table. Every now and then Ash would reach over so that he could feed a turnip to the goat that was sitting beside him at the table. ¡°So the two of you are married now.¡± Ash made it a statement instead of a question. ¡°Ash sweety, don¡¯t be dramatic.¡± His mother replied. ¡°How am I being dramatic mother?¡± There was more shrill in his voice than he had hoped. ¡°Am I lying to the guards? Am I lying to them about having a fake husband? What is the nature or your relationship? Are the two of you really married?¡± ¡°We¡¯re not married Ash?¡± said Ms Sifter. ¡°How would I even know? You could have been hiding that from me all this time.¡± Ash said. ¡°I¡¯ve never tried to hide anything from you.¡± ¡°Then why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± Ash waved a turnip. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to upset you. Make you think that things were changing when they weren¡¯t.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Mr Smithe jumped in. ¡°Just because your mother and I are¡­ spending more time together doesn¡¯t mean that anything else is going to change.¡± ¡°Mmmhmm.¡± His mother nodded. ¡°We both care about you a lot.¡± The older man added. ¡°But not enough to tell me that the two of you have been dating behind my back?¡± Ash remarked. ¡°And you tell me everything?¡± His mother shot back. ¡°Uh, yeah, of course I do.¡± Ash forced a smile. ¡°Is that right?¡± She asked. ¡°Mmmhmm.¡± He nodded back to her. ¡°Then why don¡¯t you tell me what you do all day?¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°You never talk to me about what you do during the day.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because all I¡¯m doing is making charcoal.¡± said Ash. ¡°We both know that isn¡¯t true. You keep building and then tearing down those piles without burning them. Yet you sell charcoal in town every day. What are you really doing in town?¡± His mother crossed her arms. ¡°Just¡­ stuff.¡± Ash didn¡¯t make eye contact. ¡°Are you harassing people?¡± ¡°No¡­¡± Ash tried to keep a blank expression on his face. ¡°Oh? And what about all of the fights you have with your old school friends?¡± His mother frowned at him. ¡°It¡¯s not that bad.¡± Ash leaned across the table. ¡°Also they¡¯re the ones who start it most of the time.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t tell me that Luke was back in town.¡± ¡°That only happened today!¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me that Mr Smithe had offered you a job?¡± ¡°What? Why? Did you put him up to it?¡± He asked suspiciously. ¡°No. Mr Smithe did it on his own.¡± She looked at the blacksmith sitting next to her. ¡°I had to pry the information out of him later. Why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± ¡°Because¡­ it wasn¡¯t important.¡± Ash looked at the ceiling. ¡°Having a job isn¡¯t important?¡± His mother pressed. ¡°I already have a job.¡± He shot back. ¡°Setting fires in the woods is not a job.¡± ¡°Well it¡¯s all I¡¯m good at!¡± Ash shouted across the table. At the sudden noise Luke and Ave quickly crouched down beneath the windowsill. They were praying that no one outside had turned around and seen them. Ave looked like she wanted to tell everyone inside to keep quiet. But then she felt the energy of the room and decided to keep her comments to herself. Ms Sifter waited for a moment. Then she got up from the table and moved over to the kitchen area and started washing mugs in the sink basin. *The sound of a lone cup being washed.* ¡°Ahem.¡± Mr Smithe let out a muffled cough. ¡°Ahem!¡± His second cough grabbed Ash¡¯s attention. The two men looked across the table at each other. Mr Smithe locked eyes with Ash and nodded over his shoulder towards the kitchen. Ash responded with an exaggerated shrugging of his shoulders. Mr Smithe repeated his over the shoulder nod. Ash let his hard drop down to his sides. *Sigh* He stood up from the table. Ash walked over to the kitchen area of the house. He leaned against the counter and made a show of sucking air in through his teeth. His mother continued her washing in the basin. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, okay?¡± He let out. ¡°Sorry for what?¡± His mother continued to continue her washing in the basin. ¡°Sorry for not telling you¡­ about stuff.¡± Ash said. ¡°Hmm?¡± His mother continued her continuation of her continuing washing in the basin. ¡°Look, I¡¯m sorry. Nothing is easy. I go into town to let out some air and¡­¡± He trailed off. ¡°And I don¡¯t talk to you about it because I don¡¯t want you to worry.¡± ¡°I do worry Ash. I worry a lot. I¡¯m your mother. That¡¯s my job.¡± ¡°I know. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°I know it¡¯s been hard. Since your father¡­ ¡° Ms Sifter stopped her washing. ¡°I knew it would be hard. I thought that I could do both jobs. That if I was patient then¡­ but sometimes I don¡¯t know. I worry that there are some things I can¡¯t teach you.¡± Ash stepped in close. ¡°Don''t say that. You¡¯re great. You¡¯re the best mom I could have asked for. I¡¯m the one who¡¯s an idiot.¡± Ash¡¯s mother turned away from the sink basin. She blinked a few times and then put her hands on Ash¡¯s shoulders. ¡°I worry about you.¡± Came his whispered reply. ¡°I just want you to be safe and happy is all.¡± She put her arms around him. Ash returned her hug. *Creak* The front door opened. The Gloved Guard peeked his head in through the opening. ¡°I just wanted to apologize for my comrade¡¯s earlier rudeness. We¡¯re all under a lot of stress at work and¡­¡± He glanced down and made eye contact with Luke who was still crouched next to the window. *A moment of perfect stillness* He pointed a finger at Luke. ¡°Are you¡­ the Royal Summoner?¡± Luke smiled involuntarily. ¡°Yes.¡± He held out his hand. ¡°Luke. Nice to meet you.¡± The Gloved Guard leaned over a little and politely shook his hand. ¡°Likewise.¡± He straightened back up in the doorway. ¡°As I was saying, sorry about earlier. I¡¯ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your evening.¡± The guard turned around and closed the door behind him. Ave looked at Luke. ¡°Why did you shake his hand?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to be rude.¡± said Luke. ¡°You could have lied.¡± ¡°That would be worse than being rude.¡± Luke blanched. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s fine. Maybe he somehow still didn¡¯t recognize you.¡± She hopped back up to peek through the curtains. ¡°Dammit they¡¯ve got a squirrel!¡±, Ave shouted. Ash silently prayed that the earth would open up and devour him whole. ¡°What are they doing?¡± Luke asked as he peered out from behind the curtains by the window. He and Ave were still looking out over the front lawn at the two guards outside. One of them had removed a small wooden box from their horse''s saddlebags. The guard opened the box revealing its padded interior. There was a squeak from inside the box. Then the next moment a small squirrel leapt out of the box onto the Pauldron Wearing Guard¡¯s outstretched arm. The Gloved Guards took a step back. The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. The squirrel itself was a small brown rodent with a white stripe running down its side. Luke squinted his eyes in the dim light. ¡°What is that? Is that squirrel¡­ wearing a tiny vest?¡± The squirrel was indeed wearing a tiny vest. Ave looked out the window. ¡°That¡¯s a messenger squirrel. They¡¯re used to send messages to different units in the field.¡± As they watched the Gloved Guard tentatively handed a thumb sized roll of paper to the waiting squirrel. The animal turned and then snatched the paper out of the man¡¯s hand with its flexible paws. With a quick action the squirrel tucked the paper inside of its vest next to its fur and patted down the front to make sure that it was secure. Then it sat back on its haunches, gave a tiny adorable salute, and then jumped off of the guard¡¯s arm. The rodent hit the ground at full speed and scurried off into the underbrush back towards town. ¡°What kind of message do you think they gave it?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Considering the context, I doubt it¡¯s any good for us.¡± Ave replied. *Sigh* Across the room Ash let out a deep breath he had been holding in. ¡°We have to leave.¡± His mother pulled back from their hug. ¡°What are you saying?¡± ¡°We¡¯ve gotta go. Luke is still in danger. We need to get him to safety.¡± Ash replied. ¡°What are you thinking?¡± Ave asked from across the room. ¡°We''ll take him somewhere outside of town. There aren¡¯t enough guards to search the entire woods. After that we lay low until they stop looking.¡± said Ash. ¡°Maybe we can find a quiet hermitage somewhere. I could be a hermit.¡± Luke pondered his future. ¡°Let¡¯s grab what we can carry. We can all make a run for it before more guards get here.¡± Ash said. Mr Smithe stepped forward. ¡°I¡¯ll try to buy you some time.¡± ¡°The damned hells you will.¡± Said Ash¡¯s mother sternly. ¡°Huh?¡± Mr Smithe said in confusion. ¡°I¡¯m not leaving you behind to face them alone.¡± She said. ¡°You¡¯re not?¡±, the blacksmith said. ¡°You¡¯re not!?¡± Ash parroted. ¡°No.¡± Ms Sifter walked over and closed a wooden latch on the door. ¡°We¡¯ll stay behind and try to stall them long enough for you to escape.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t stay here. You have to come with us.¡± Ash was freaking out. ¡°It would be easier to escape if it was only the three of us¡­ ¡° Ave said to herself loud enough for everyone to hear. Ash gave her a bewildered stare. He turned back to his mother. ¡°They¡¯re trying to capture Luke. What if they throw you in the dungeon?¡± ¡°What if they throw you in the dungeon?¡± She said back to him. ¡°And what if you get hurt?¡± ¡°What if you get hurt?¡± His mother shoved Ash in the chest. ¡°Did you even think about that? Luke is in real danger and you didn¡¯t take this seriously. Now you want to run away from home.¡± She shoved him again. ¡°So now I have to do something to keep you safe. If that means lying to the Royal Guards, again, then so be it.¡± Whispered Ave. Luke whispered back. Ash grabbed his head and tried to shake the confusion out of his ears. ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s right and what¡¯s wrong now and I don¡¯t have time to figure it out. If you want to stay here then fine.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± his mother yelled. ¡°Now all of you get ready to jump out the window.¡± She stepped over to the kitchen stove and pulled out a jar of oil. ¡°I¡¯m going to pretend to set the house on fire so you can get away in the chaos.¡± Mr Smithe quickly moved beside her and put a hand on her forearm to stop her. The muscular man gave a reassuring smile. ¡°I think I know a way we can avoid doing that.¡± He turned to Ave. ¡°You there. Young lady. Come and help me for a moment.¡± The blacksmith turned and walked back into the pantry. Ave grumbled but followed behind him. Luke walked over to Ash. ¡°You don¡¯t have to do this you know. They¡¯re only after me¡± Ash looked at him. ¡°You came to me for help. I¡¯m going to help you. Nobodies going to throw you in a dungeon while I¡¯m around.¡± Luke put a hand on Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Thank you brother.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± Ash returned the gesture. ¡°Now grab some supplies from the back. We might need them for when we get out of town.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get right on it.¡± Luke said. He pulled out a burlap sack and went into the pantry. Ash and his mother were left alone in the main room of the house. ¡°And then you¡¯re coming back right?¡± Ms Sifter spoke solemnly from the kitchen. Ash gave a wan smile. ¡°Right?¡± His mother repeated. It took a second before Ash was able to look his mother in the eye. ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­¡± He shrugged. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Ash scratched his shoulder. ¡°Luke. He wanted my help and I wanted ¡­ something. I¡¯m tired of wasting my time in this town pretending like I¡¯m just as good as everyone else when I¡¯m clearly not.¡± ¡°Oh Ash dear, don¡¯t say that.¡± His mother reached out a sympathetic hand. ¡°Because I¡¯m way better than everyone else.¡± Ash said. ¡°Oh¡­¡± His mother paused. ¡°So I¡¯m going to leave this town. I¡¯m going to protect Luke. I¡¯m going to defeat the Demon Lord. And I¡¯m going to save the world. By the next time you see me I¡¯m going to be a Hero! Then everyone will know how wrong they were.¡± Ash¡¯s eyes glittered with the excitement of the road laid out in front of him. ¡°Well if it makes you happy¡­ then I¡¯m proud of you. I just hope that you know what you¡¯re doing.¡± His mother had a kind smile. ¡°So do I.¡± ¡°I always knew that one day some young girl or young boy would come and sweep you away from this town. I never *hic*, I never thought that it would happen so fast.¡± Ash put his hands on his mother¡¯s shoulders to quiet her sobbing. ¡°Hey, don¡¯t cry. I¡¯m not leaving forever. Just until I can figure out how to save the world and clear Luke¡¯s name.¡± He said. *hic* ¡°If anyone can figure it out I¡¯m sure that you can.¡± *hic* She sputtered. ¡°Yeah¡­ so. I had better get on it. I¡¯m going to see how the others are doing.¡± Ms Sifter wiped her face with her apron. ¡°I had better pack you something. For the road.¡± Ash turned and walked over to the pantry. He blinked a few times on the edge of the doorway then walked inside. The interior of the pantry was cramped with turnips. Luke was kneeling down by one pile shoveling fleshy roots into a burlap sack. Ave and Mr Smithe were standing beside the far wall. Ave was holding the pile of pestilent produce aside while the blacksmith worked at a nail with the flat of Ave¡¯s sword. ¡°There. Almost¡­ got it.¡± The big man said. With a pop he pried the nail free. He reached out with one of his wide hands and placed it on the wallboard. With a slight shrug of his shoulders he pushed out. With a creak the board swung loose and exposed a hole leading to the outside of the house. ¡°I was actually telling the truth about that loose board. I noticed it a few days ago during¡­¡± He looked sheepishly back at Ash. ¡°... the last time that I came over to visit.¡± He handed the sword back to Ave. ¡°Thank you. I tried to be careful. The blade should still be in good condition.¡± ¡°I appreciate it.¡± Ave took her sword back and tucked it into her scabbard. ¡°Help me dig some of these turnips out. If we make enough room you all should be able to squeeze through. You can sneak out the back without those guards ever seeing you.¡± Ash stepped in front of Ave. ¡°I¡¯ll do it. You go help Luke.¡± Ave looked upset at taking orders. ¡°Fine.¡± She rolled her eyes. ¡°Try not to make too much of a mess.¡± She pushed past Ash. Ash kneeled down next to Mr Smithe in the turnips. They started to clear the pile. Mr Smithe¡¯s large hands easily shoveled clumps of turnips to the side making more room for them to work. Ash tried to stack the vegetables next to him in a pile. Each time the pile got too tall the round roots on top would roll down the side of the pile and fill in the area he had just cleared. They worked in silence. After a few moments the blacksmith had cleared enough floor space that Ash¡¯s ineffectual efforts were no longer required. They sat on their legs in silence for a few more seconds. *Awkward¡­* The two men finally made eye contact. Ash let out a loud sigh. ¡°Ugh. This is unbearable.¡± ¡°The smells not so bad. You get used to it after a while.¡± Mr Smithe replied. ¡°Not that!¡± Ash scratched his forehead. ¡°Did you really want me to work in your shop?¡± ¡°I did.¡± The older man replied earnestly. ¡°And my mother didn¡¯t put you up to it?¡± ¡°It was my idea, but she supported it when I told her.¡± Ash pointed a turnip at Mr Smithe for emphasis. ¡°Are you serious about marrying my mother?¡± *Meaningful eye contact* ¡°I am.¡±, came the older man¡¯s stern reply. ¡°Are you sure about that?¡± Ash squinted his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not as good at lying as you and your mother.¡± Mr Smithe put on a kind smile. ¡°My mother lies?¡± ¡°All the time.¡± ¡°About what!?¡± ¡°When we go out to eat she always tells me she likes the craft beers that I order for us but I can tell she¡¯s just being nice. She does that a lot, saying things that she thinks will make other people happy.¡± ¡°Yeah. She does that¡­¡± Ash trailed off. ¡°Promise me that you¡¯ll come back.¡± Mr Smithe blurted out. ¡°You really need my charcoal that much?¡± Ash smirked. ¡°You¡¯re not promising for me.¡± Mr Smithe made a point to look Ash in the eyes. ¡°Now say it.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± *Bang*Bang* There was a hammering at the cottage door. Ms Sifter pushed into the crowded pantry. ¡°The guards are back.¡± She said. ¡°Here.¡± She thrust a satchel into Ash¡¯s arms. ¡°I put some extra clothes, food, and some money inside. I hope I didn¡¯t forget anything. I don¡¯t know. This is the first time you¡¯ve left town. I need to make sure that you¡¯re ready.¡± There were tears in her eyes. *Heavy sigh* Ash got up from the floor. ¡°Mom. It¡¯s fine. We¡¯re going to make sure that Luke is safe and then we¡¯ll be back before you know it. Isn¡¯t that right?¡± Ash waved dramatically at Luke. ¡°That, that¡¯s right. This whole thing will be cleared up in no time. I¡¯ll be back to live in my empty house with my missing parents and no money by the end of the week.¡± Luke gave an overly enthusiastic thumbs up. ¡°Right¡­ right.¡± Ash tried to smile. *Bang*Bang*Bang* There was more loud knocking on the door. ¡°Open up!¡±, came the voice of the guard from outside. Ash grabbed the satchel and threw it over his shoulder. ¡°We need to leave now. Luke, get in the hole.¡± ¡°Right away.¡± Luke jumped up. ¡°Not so fast.¡± Ash¡¯s mother grabbed them both in her arms. She embraced them both tightly. The hug was deep. ¡°You too young lady.¡± Ms Sifter gestured with her hand for Ave who was standing off to the side. ¡°Mam that¡¯s not really necessary.¡± Ave placidly responded. *Grab!* Ave was pulled sideways into the group hug by Ms Sifter¡¯s insistent arm. ¡°This is¡­¡± Ave gently rested her head against the older woman¡¯s shoulder and hoped that no one else noticed. *hug* ¡°I want you to take care of each other. Do you hear me?¡± His mother asked. ¡°We will.¡± Luke replied. ¡°I promise.¡± Ash said from inside the hug. Ave pushed away. ¡°Now can we finally get out of here before the guards find us?¡± ¡°Yeah. Let¡¯s go.¡± Ash said. Ave crouched down beside the hole in the wall of the pantry. She stuck her head outside and peered around for a moment. With a delicate movement she easily slipped through the makeshift hole. Once outside she waved a hand at the others to say it was safe for them to come through. Luke bent down next. He had to shift his shoulders to fit past the boards. This was followed by several seconds of grunting as he tried to pull the bag of turnips over his shoulder. ¡°Can¡¯t¡­ get through¡­ for some reason.¡± Luke grunted. Mr Smithe finally took pity on him. With a firm hand he shoved Luke and the turnip sack the rest of the way through the hole. Ash stepped up next to the gap in the wall. ¡°This is it.¡± Ash spoke to himself. ¡°No turning back now.¡± ¡°Maaah.¡± Ash turned back. Goateus was standing next to him. The goat rubbed its head against Ash¡¯s shin. Ash crouched down. ¡°No Goateus you can¡¯t come.¡± Ash put a hand on the goat¡¯s shoulder haunch. ¡°Maaah.¡± Goateus pushed his horns into Ash¡¯s chest. ¡°I¡¯m gonna need you to be a brave goat right now. You have to look after the family while I¡¯m gone. I know you can do this, you¡­¡± *Ka-THUMP!* Ash was completely unprepared for Goateus to headbutt him full strength in the stomach. The goat''s bumpy skull landed with such force that Ash was catapulted right between the loose wood panels of the pantry. He landed outside with a thud. ¡°Son¡­ of a¡­ billy goat¡­¡± Ash tried to breathe after having the wind knocked out of him. ¡°The next time¡­ I see you¡­ I¡¯m going to shove your horns¡­ right up your butthole¡­¡± ¡°Mraahhh!¡± Goateus¡¯ head jabbed out of the hole in the wall. ¡°Ahhh!¡± Ash rolled to safety. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Luke said as he helped Ash to his feet. ¡°Treacherous goat is trying to kill me¡­¡±, Ash wheezed out. ¡°Maaahhh!¡±, came the call from the mounted goat¡¯s head. ¡°Give him the sack of turnips!¡± Ash pointed back towards the angry animal. ¡°But what are we going to eat?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Anything else.¡± Luke tossed the turnip sack behind them. The three of them scampered off into the woods. Promo D ¡°So what¡¯s the plan?¡±, Ave asked dryly. ¡°Get out of town. Defeat the Demon Lord. Keep Luke out of the dungeon.¡± Ash listed. ¡°So now you have a plan?¡± Ave stared at him. ¡°Are you still upset about that?¡± Ash replied. ¡°Furious. And you think we can beat the Demon Lord?¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that why you came out here?¡± Ave avoided making eye contact. ¡°More specifically, what are we going to do right now? You told your mother that we would try to get Luke away from the city?¡± ¡°I did. Do you¡­ think that will work?¡± Ash glanced sideways. The three of them were crunching through the underbrush of the woods outside of Star Town. Dusk was falling. Long shadows stretched like claws from the trees around them. ¡°Maybe. The guards back at your house sent out a messenger squirrel. If they called for reinforcements they might try to search the whole forest. Luckily that was a ground squirrel and not a tree squirrel. So we might have some time before any other Royal Guards arrive.¡± Ave speculated out loud. ¡°Then we have to go somewhere else, and fast¡­¡± Ash was quiet for a moment. ¡°Follow me. I think I have an idea. We¡¯re heading back to town.¡± ¡°Back to town?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. We need to visit someone in the city real quick.¡± said Ash. ¡°Sneaking back to town to sneak out of town. It¡¯s so stupid they¡¯ll never expect it.¡± Luke smiled. # *Knock*Knock* ¡°Yes? Who is it?¡± The old man called across the room. A maid entered the study of the Mayor¡¯s Mansion. ¡°Excuse me Master Letterman. But there is someone here to see you.¡± The maid curtsied. ¡°At this hour? Tell them I¡¯m not taking any more visitors today.¡± said Craftsman Letterman. ¡°I understand that sir but they asked me to bring you something. They said it was urgent and that you would understand.¡± The maid pushed open the door of the study. A low wooden cart was wheeled into the room. A sheet was draped over the top of the cart. Mr Letterman leaned over his desk. ¡°What is this?¡± The maid removed the sheet from the cart. Several rows of clocks shaped like birds were lined up on top of the cart. The craftsman jumped up. ¡°What? Where did these come from?¡± ¡°The visitor said that these were a gift for you sir.¡± The maid replied. ¡°Who could have done this? Bring this visitor to me at once.¡± Mr Letterman shouted. ¡°As you wish sir.¡± The maid tipped her cowboy hat at the craftsman and left the room. *Tick*Tock* The door opened again. Ash strolled into the room. Luke and Ave peeked in from around the corner. ¡°Young Mr Sifter. I should have known.¡± Mr Letterman collapsed back into his chair. ¡°Master Letterman. I see you got my present.¡± Ash gave a sardonic smile. The older man rubbed his temples. ¡°Is that what you call this mockery?¡± ¡°I was just imitating your style sir. I saw your demonstration earlier. I was impressed by your ¡®creativity¡¯.¡± Ash replied. ¡°I see that you still haven¡¯t learned how to hold on to your forked tongue yet.¡± ¡°No sir. I was denied admission to your workshop and there was nowhere else in the city to learn that skill.¡± Ash gave a broad smile. ¡°I hear that you¡¯ve been quarreling with my grandson again. Maybe if you spent half as much time studying as you did fighting you could have become an apprentice.¡± The old man threw the cloth back over the cart of clocks. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I would want to be a part of any workshop that would have me as a member.¡± Ask leaned against the desk. ¡°It would certainly increase insurance premiums.¡± Mr Letterman pretended to read his business papers. Ash looked absently around the room. ¡°By the way¡­ where is Jack?¡± The older man looked down his nose at Ash. ¡°My ¡®grandson¡¯ is with his father. He is learning about the role he will play once he becomes Mayor.¡± ¡°I thought the mayor of Star Town was elected.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure you have many misconceptions about politics with that being one of them.¡± ¡°Well maybe I¡¯ll go and say hello.¡± Ash ambled towards the door. ¡°Be my guest. By the way Mr Sifter¡­¡± Mr Letterman raised an eyebrow. ¡°Yeah?¡± Ash looked back. ¡°Try not to make too much racket when you¡¯re thrown out the front door this time. Hmmm?¡± The old man went back to his paper. # *Creak* Ash peeked his head into a well appointed office. A large carved mahogany desk covered with papers and ledgers was in the middle of the room. ¡°Do you see him?¡± Luke whispered from the hallway. ¡°No. Let¡¯s look around.¡± Ash said as he opened the door. Ash, Luke, and Ave tiptoed quietly into the room. ¡°Do you really think Jack will help us?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No. But I still want to talk to him before we leave.¡± Ash moved to a door on the far side of the room. He cracked the door open and peeked inside. ¡°It¡¯s too bad that I had to come back like this. It¡¯s been years since I¡¯ve seen Jack. It would have been nice to talk to him. Catch up on old times.¡± Luke fingered the spine of a book on a shelf. ¡°I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s going to work right now.¡± Ash whispered to him. ¡°Why not?¡± Luke said quietly. ¡°Because of them.¡± Ash pointed into the adjoining room. # Jack was standing with his father in the middle of the smoking room. Several Capital Guards in gleaming metal armor were seated around them in the room. A roaring fire had been set in the fireplace. A menacing figure was standing in front of the fireplace. He held a goblet of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. Despite the heat in the room he was wearing a helmet that covered his entire head and had the visor pulled down. The Mayor of Star Town stood next to him. Like his son, Mayor Letterman was naturally broad, tall, and handsome. His graying hair had a streak of silver running through it. He was dressed in his most official jacket with the most ruffled sleeves. He stood at strict attention with his hands clasped firmly in front of him. Beads of sweat were running down the sides of his face. ¡°I do not enjoy being here, Mayor Letterman.¡± The Helmeted Guard spoke. Everyone pretended not to notice the echo of his voice from inside his helmet. ¡°That¡¯s a shame sir. We are so¡­ honored to have you. Isn¡¯t that right Jack?¡± The Mayor passed his too wide smile over to his son. Jack stood just behind his father, half hidden in his shadow. Jack stopped itching his neck. ¡°Huh? Ah yes. It¡¯s, it is great to have you here. Noble, sirs.¡± He tried to mimic his father¡¯s platitudes. ¡°It is an honor squandered on your small town I suspect.¡± The Helmeted Guard growled. ¡°Not at all my lord.¡± The Mayor repeated. The Helmeted Guard hurled his goblet into the fireplace. *Crash*Roar* ¡°Then why is it taking so long to conduct a simple search of your petty town?¡± He yelled. He brought his cigar up to the faceplate of his helmet. *Long inhale* Smoke curled out from between the gaps of his helmet. ¡°My guards have been hampered during their search of your city all day. There have been constant distractions, lies, and misdirections. Even your own son can¡¯t walk the streets without being harassed it seems.¡± The Helmeted Guard let out a final puff of angry smoke. ¡°That¡¯s just the local humor sir. Pranks amongst children. You understand.¡± Mayor Letterman continued to sweat. ¡°I do not understand. I do not want to understand. I want you to find the criminal so that I can be done with this backwater town and return to the Capital!¡± The guard shouted. *Another long inhale* ¡°Once I¡¯ve captured him I¡¯ll personally lock him in the deepest, darkest cell in the dungeon myself.¡± The Helmeted Guard said out loud to himself. ¡°Perhaps if you told me more about what the, uh, criminal did then¡­¡± Mayor Letterman offered. ¡°That information is confidential! All you need to know is that the White Council has determined that he is a danger to the entire Kingdom. Do you understand?¡± ¡°I assure you sir as soon as the criminal is discovered he¡¯ll be brought here as fast as possible.¡± The Mayor tried to keep his hands from shaking. *Pst* Jack looked around. *Pssst* There was that whistling sound again. He casually looked over at the door to his father¡¯s office. Ash was sticking his head around the edge of the door. As they made eye contact Ash waved at him. Jack stood in stunned silence. *Hey¡­ come here* Ash mouthed the words at him. He waved again. Jack looked back. No one else had seen Ash yet. Jack tried to avoid causing a disturbance. *What are you doing?* Jack silently mouthed back to Ash. *Come over here.* Ash gestured to the door. Jack grumbled to himself. ¡°Excuse me father I¡¯m going to¡­¡± The grim faceplate of the Helmeted Guard turned to him. ¡°¡­ piss myself, take a piss, going to, piss, to the bathroom. Yes¡­¡± Jack stammered out. He spun in place and then marched to the office door at the side of the room. Jack shoved Ash behind the door before anyone else could see him. Jack entered the office and quietly closed the door behind him. Promo E Jack and Ash crouched down next to the door leading into the office. Jack angry-whispered to Ash. ¡°I just wanted to see your charming smile.¡± Ash said back. ¡°My face still itches.¡± ¡°My head still hurts.¡± ¡°You armpit rash.¡± ¡°You pompous peacock.¡± The two boys stared angrily at each other for a moment. ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this. I¡¯ll deal with you later.¡± Jack smirked. ¡°Hey there Jack.¡± Luke gave a sheepish smile. He was also crouched down next to the door. ¡°Holy gods!¡± Jack rocked back on his heels. ¡°Luke is that you?¡± He crab walked forward and clasped hold of Luke¡¯s forearm. ¡°It¡¯s been years. It¡¯s good to see you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s good to see you too Jack.¡± Luke squeezed Jack¡¯s arm back. ¡°What are you doing here? You¡¯re supposed to be in the Capital. Are you with the Royal Guards?¡± Jack asked. ¡°Not exactly¡­¡± said Luke. ¡°Haven¡¯t you heard? The Guards came all this way to arrest a fugitive.¡± ¡°About that¡­¡± Luke said. ¡°He¡¯s the criminal.¡± Said Ave. She was crouched down with the others. ¡°Ah! Who is¡­ this?¡± Jack found that Ave¡¯s face was waaay too close to his. ¡°I¡¯m with the Royal Guards.¡± Ave answered back. ¡°Then what are you doing out here?¡± Jack questioned. ¡°I¡¯m keeping an eye on the criminal.¡± Ave replied dryly. ¡°Ash! What did you do?¡± Jack kept his shouting to a minimum. ¡°Not me.¡± Ash said. ¡°Not him.¡± Ave agreed. ¡°Then who?¡± Jack asked. ¡°It¡¯s me.¡± Luke said. Jack crouched in stunned silence. A slow smile spread across his face. ¡°No really. Did Ash put you up to this? What¡¯s really going on?¡± Everyone else had a pained expression on their faces. Jack¡¯s smile faded. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ absurd. There¡¯s no way Luke is the fugitive from the Capital. If he was then¡­¡± Jack trailed off. ¡°Whatever they told you, it¡¯s not true.¡± Ash interjected. ¡°It kind of is¡­¡± Said Luke. ¡°Okay it kind of is¡­¡± Ash agreed. ¡°Did they tell you about the Demon Lord?¡± Asked Ave. ¡°The what?¡± Jack almost shouted. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I don¡¯t know what they¡¯re talking about either.¡± Ash tacked on. ¡°It¡¯s kind of important.¡± Ave said. ¡°Who is she?¡± Jack pointed at Ave. ¡°She¡¯s here to arrest me, only not.¡± Answered Luke. ¡°Look, Look! Everyone shut up!¡± Ash waved for quiet. ¡°None of that is important right now. What is important is that Luke is in danger. The Royal Guards are here to arrest him and we need to get him out of town.¡± ¡°After we snuck back into town¡­¡± Ave said to herself. ¡°Quiet!¡± Ash waved again. ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­ I should really tell my father¡­¡± Jack looked concerned. ¡°Come on Jack. Look at this face.¡± Ash pulled Luke close. He pinched Luke¡¯s cheeks together. ¡°Do you really believe that this is the face of a kingdom threatening super criminal?¡± Luke pouted involuntarily. ¡°I admit¡­ it¡¯s hard to believe.¡± Jack said. ¡°Luke was framed. We¡¯re going to clear his name.¡± said Ash. ¡°How?¡± asked Jack. ¡°Good question. It¡¯s¡­ a secret right now.¡± ¡°A secret?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. If we told it to you then you would be in danger. You might tell somebody.¡± ¡°I would never tell anyone.¡± Jack crossed his arms. ¡°What if those guards in the next room tortured you?¡± Ash raised an eyebrow. ¡°I would tell them immediately. But¡­ so would you.¡± Jack shoved Ash in the shoulder. ¡°Right. That¡¯s why it¡¯s a secret.¡± Ash shoved him back. ¡°Why should I help you?¡± Jack sat on his knees. ¡°Because you hate me and because I hate you.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Huh?¡± said Jack in confusion. ¡°Huh?¡± said Ash in confusion. *Utter confusion* Ash shook his head. ¡°Sorry that wasn¡¯t what I meant. Right now his mind is running on adrenaline and bad ideas and I need time for the one to catch up to the other.¡± *Cough* Ash tried again. ¡°What I meant to say was that none of this is Star Town¡¯s fault. As much as we dislike each other we¡¯re both Starters. You want to protect the people of this town just as much as I do.¡± ¡°Of course I do. This town is my family''s legacy. This is where the Lettermans made their name.¡± Jack nodded enthusiastically. ¡°Right now Luke needs our help.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right, but what can I do about it?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right I¡¯m right. Now as soon as we leave the first thing that you¡¯re going to do is tell the Royal Guards that we¡¯ve escaped. You¡¯re going to make a big deal out of it. You¡¯re going to tell them that they should leave and that they should search outside of the town immediately.¡± ¡°Why would you want me to do that? I thought you were trying to escape. Won¡¯t they find you if I do that?¡± Jack held his hands out in exasperation. ¡°I have to agree with him. It does sound like you¡¯re going to get us caught.¡± Ave said. ¡°Can we get away if they chase us?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Probably not.¡± Jack guessed. ¡°Certainly not.¡± Ave admitted. ¡°If they search the roads before we leave town we¡¯re certain to be captured.¡± Ash turned back to Jack. ¡°And that¡¯s why you¡¯re going to tell them to do exactly that. In fact you¡¯re going to tell them that they can¡¯t search the town. You¡¯re going to tell them that they¡¯re wasting their time.¡± ¡°But then won¡¯t they¡­ capture us?¡± Luke asked. Ash put on a wry smile. ¡°If there¡¯s one thing I know about arrogant, self righteous bullies it¡¯s that they never agree with someone if they think that they¡¯re better than them. Do you really think that big shot guard in there is going to do anything that Jack tells him to?¡± ¡°No. Oh¡­¡± Luke nodded. Jack shook his head. ¡°This is crazy. I¡¯m going to look like a fool.¡± Ash corrected him. ¡°No. You¡¯re going to look like a hero. The only one who knew the criminal wasn¡¯t in the city anymore.¡± ¡°Hmmm.¡± Jack thought to himself. ¡°You¡¯ll be helping Luke.¡± Ash continued. ¡°Hmmm.¡± ¡°And I¡¯ll be leaving town with him.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do it. Just make sure that you don¡¯t get caught.¡± Jack put another hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Take care of yourself Luke. I hope you can clear all of this up.¡± ¡°Me too.¡± Said Luke. Jack turned to Ash. ¡°You owe me.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll pay you back as soon as I get back to town.¡± said Ash. Jack snuck back into the smoking room by himself. ¡°Well, it looks like I¡¯m never coming back here.¡± Ash said to himself. Ash, Luke and Ave quietly left the office. Ash whispered as they closed the door. He turned to the others. ¡°He said it¡¯s fine. Let¡¯s go.¡± Promo F Ash, Luke, and Ave hurried down the corridor to the stables. They entered the stables through a large wooden door. Several tarpans were waiting patiently in their stalls. Ave started to open one of the stalls. ¡°Find us some saddles and bridles.¡± She said to the other two. Ash and Luke looked at each other in confusion. ¡°What are¡­ what are those things?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Haven¡¯t you ridden a horse before?¡± She asked him. ¡°Yes. But I¡¯ve never actually done the saddle-before-part.¡± Luke smiled. Ave turned to Ash. ¡°What about you?¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°I¡¯ve never even done the animal part before. What are we looking for?¡± ¡°The saddle and the bridle.¡± said Ave. The two boys stared blankly at her. ¡°The top part and the face part.¡± She tried. *Dull silence* Ave threw her hands up. ¡°Nevermind. I¡¯ll do it. You two keep watch.¡± She spun around and started leading a tarpan out of its stall. Ash ran over to the entrance of the stable and looked out into the courtyard of the Mayor¡¯s mansion. Luke walked over by the door leading into the mansion. He didn¡¯t see anyone so he tired to listen for any footsteps nearby. *Scratch*Scratch* He looked down. A small squirrel with a vest was standing next to the door. The squirrel scratched the door ineffectually with its paw. Then it turned his furry face towards Luke. The messenger rodent gave him a pleading look. ¡°Hey now. Don¡¯t look at me like that. You¡¯re gonna get me arrested.¡± Luke said. The squirrel¡¯s eyes were full of lost hope at being unable to complete its mission. ¡°Oh alright.¡± Luke said as he opened the door. The tiny critter scampered inside. ¡°The office is down the hall on the left.¡± Luke called after the animal. ¡°Squeak¡±, came the reply. ¡°I had better get out of here before the horses turn against me too.¡± Luke said to himself. He turned around and jogged off to see how Ave was doing. # The Helmeted Guard was staring at a map of the town laid out on the table in front of him. He casually let ash from his cigar fall onto the map. Jack let out a sigh. He wiped away the sweat on his forehead and straightened his shoulders. ¡°I think I know what you should do,¡± he announced. All of the other people in the room turned to look at him. whispered his father next to him, If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. The Helmeted Guard took another drag from his cigar. ¡°Excuse me sir.¡± Jack tried to keep his voice from breaking. ¡°I think, or rather, I suggest, that you search the roads and woods around town.¡± The Helmeted Guard stomped over to Jack. Smoke curled from beneath the metal segments of his faceplate. In the dim light Jack could see no eyes beneath the mask. ¡°Are you trying to give me orders boy?¡± The guard¡¯s voice was hollow as a grave. ¡°More of a suggestion¡­ about what you should do?¡± Jack swallowed hard. ¡°Did I ask you for any suggestions?¡± Bellowed the guard. ¡°No but¡­ I know the town and¡­ I would¡­¡± Jack was losing his breath. ¡°You would do well to be silent.¡± ¡°I was only¡­¡± ¡°If your father hasn¡¯t taught you manners. Perhaps I should.¡± The armored guard raised one of his gauntleted hands above his shoulder. Jack squeezed his eyes shut. *Slam* The door of the smoking room slammed open. ¡°Squirrel sir!¡± The Mustache Guard ran panting into the room. The Helmeted Guard held still. Jack was still standing paralyzed in front of him. ¡°What is it?¡± The Helmeted Guard hissed. ¡°It¡¯s a messenger squirrel sir!¡± The Mustache guard held up a tiny roll of paper. ¡°At this hour? What does the message say?¡± One of the other Guards in the room stood up. ¡°It¡¯s from one of our patrols. They say that they¡¯ve located the Royal, er, the fugitive outside of town.¡± The facial hair wearer replied. ¡°Where?¡± The Guards¡¯ leader slowly lowered his hand. ¡°In the woods sir.¡± The message carrier replied. ¡°Is that right?¡± The Helmeted Guard leaned forward. Jack leaned back. ¡°How very¡­ convenient.¡± The Guard commander hissed. ¡°What should we do sir?¡± The Mustache Guard asked politely. ¡°Seal off the town.¡±, came the reply. The assembled guards in the room looked at each other in confusion. ¡°Sir?¡±, one of them asked. ¡°You heard me.¡± The Helmeted Guard shouted. ¡°But what about the message?¡±, asked the Mustache Guard. ¡°Ignore it!¡± The Helmeted Guard shouted again. The other guards shut up. ¡°I will be pickled before I take orders from a squeaking, red faced rodent. Or from a squirrel.¡± The Helmeted Guard spun around to face his men. ¡°There¡¯s something fishy going on here. I want this entire town searched top to bottom until I find out what.¡± ¡°Yes sir!¡± the other guards shouted. The assembled guards leapt to their feet, saluted once, and then marched out of the room. Jack was elbowed to the ground as they walked past. The Helmeted guard strode to the door. He turned and gave Jack a dismissive stare. *Hmph* He left. Jack rubbed his neck again. He sat down hard on the floor. ¡°I¡¯ll make Ash pay for this one.¡± # ¡°I can¡¯t believe that worked.¡± Ash smiled to himself. The group was making their way out of the West Gate. There were a few townsfolk with lanterns on the street but most were on their way home. The three of them were riding their tarpans on the road leading out of town. ¡°You didn¡¯t know if it would?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I estimated we had about a fifty-fifty shot. That¡¯s why we had to move quick. I had to see Jack and start talking before he could come to any ideas of his own. If I could convince him that he was going to get to be the hero in this story then he might go along with what I had to say.¡± Luke nodded along. ¡°Not bad. That¡¯s very clever.¡± ¡°It was, wasn''t it.¡± Ash grinned. Ave spoke up. ¡°I hate to bring this up but there¡¯s a very good chance you two won¡¯t be able to come back here.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yeah? Once clear Luke¡¯s name everything can go back to the way it was.¡± Ash said. ¡°You may not have noticed but he had wanted posters on his desk. Of you Ash.¡± Ave continued. ¡°Wait, he had a wanted poster of me?¡± Ash snapped. ¡°That¡¯s right. A poster of Luke makes sense. He¡¯s wanted in the Capital after all. I¡¯m sure the Guards probably brought some with them. But a poster of you. You¡¯re just a local forester. There¡¯s no reason to have a wanted poster of you unless¡­¡± she trailed off. ¡°Unless¡­?¡± he trailed on. ¡°Unless he was always planning to say that you were involved from the beginning.¡± she finished. ¡°So that sneaky weasel was going to frame me before I even walked in the door? That son of a ¡­!¡± Ash fell off of his horse. Pull 1 The Journey Begins There was a crackle of magical energy. Ash held out his hand. He felt the power of his mana flowing through him, taking form, turning thought into reality. He concentrated. There was a *Snap* in the fabric of the universe. A dozen small, lumpy potatoes fell into the pot of water in front of him. Ash frowned. The potatoes were spotted with green and black patches. Small pale eyes were already sprouting on some of them. Ash was thin for a teenage boy. He was tall and narrow, like a plank of wood left in the sun. His dark eyes were shadowed by his curly hair. Every piece of clothing that he wore was stained with soot at the edges and corners. Most of his hair was too. He held out a skinny arm and concentrated again. He used his power to summon again. There was a clattering sound as a few wooden spoons landed in a pile beside him. Ash picked out the least bent one and used it to stir the pot of boiling water. ¡°Didn¡¯t you want to peel those first?¡± Luke asked. ¡°It¡¯s fine. The skins are full of vitamins and minerals.¡± Ash replied. Luke and Ash were the same age and the same height. Luke had light, short, straight hair that he combed playfully to one side. His youthful muscles were well defined and his fingernails were kept clean and trimmed. He had a strong nose, wide eyes, and always sat with an upright posture. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I ate boiled potatoes. Back in the castle the kingdom¡¯s finest chefs used to prepare our meals. I had poached eggs for breakfast, rotisserie roasted pheasant for lunch, and salmon in a lemon butter cream sauce for dinner.¡± Luke said with a far away look in his eye. ¡°Well if you want to summon us a meal fit for a king I¡¯m not going to stop you.¡± Ash dripped sarcasm into the conversation. ¡°But I will.¡± Ave cut in. ¡°No summons. We¡¯re on the run from the guards.¡± She said plainly. ¡°It takes roughly twenty eight days for a person¡¯s mana to recharge enough so that they can perform a summoning. We need to save our mana for emergencies.¡± ¡°What kind of emergencies?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Search the area men!¡± A voice shouted from down the road. ¡°Those kind.¡± Ave sighed. # Ash, Luke, and Ave peeked out from behind some bushes. They could see a line of soldiers riding down the road towards them. The Guardsman at the head of the group shouted to the others. ¡°Keep a lookout men! They could be hiding anywhere.¡± ¡°There sure are a lot of Royal Guards out here. What do you think they¡¯re looking for?¡± Luke kept his voice down. ¡°They¡¯re looking for you.¡± Ash replied dryly. ¡°But not all of them right? I thought it was only the ones in the city.¡± said Luke. ¡°These ones might be on a different mission¡­¡± Ave speculated. ¡°Keep searching for the Royal Summoner everyone.¡± The Guard hollered. ¡°No. They¡¯re definitely looking for you.¡± Ave admitted. ¡°I can¡¯t believe they caught up to us so quickly.¡± Ash said. ¡°We could have made better time if you didn¡¯t keep falling off of your tarpan.¡± Ave said. Ash frowned at her. ¡°It was my first time riding a tarpan.¡± *Montage of Ash falling off of a tarpan* ¡°That animal is really grumpy too.¡± he said. ¡°You mean Buttercup?¡± Ave asked. ¡°More like¡­ butter-crap.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°Let¡¯s get back to the tarpans. Ash, do you think you can slow them down?¡± asked Ave. ¡°I think I can. After today I feel like an expert in annoying tarpans.¡± Ash hopped out of the bush and scampered down to the edge of the road. He held out his hand and concentrated. There was a plopping sound as several objects landed in the road. Ash finished summoning and raced back up to the bushes. ¡°Wait! The potatoes.¡± Ash exclaimed. Ash turned around. He ran over to the boiling pot of tubers. He grabbed the handles on the sides of the pot. There was a half a second as he lifted the pot into the air before his palms registered the heat of the metal. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. ¡°Aaaah!¡±, he shouted. With a discus-like spin he hurled the pot down the hill. ¡°Damnit!¡± he shouted in anger. ¡°Ash try to be quiet. We don¡¯t want to draw attention to ourselves.¡± Luke chided him. ¡°I burned my hands.¡± ¡°You were yelling.¡± ¡°I burned my hands!¡± ¡°Hopefully no one heard you.¡± said Luke. ¡°Ride ahead men. I think I heard something!¡± came a voice from the road. Luke put an arm round Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Let¡¯s just go shall we?¡± # A group of four soldiers galloped down the road. *Naaay!!!* Suddenly, with a terrified neigh the lead tarpan reared back on its hind legs. The other tarpans followed. The soldiers made an effort to control their mounts in the middle of the road. ¡°Woah. Woah!¡± The Eyepatch Guard yelled. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Why did you stop?¡± ¡°Sorry sir.¡± The Maquillage Guard shouted back. ¡°The tarpans were spooked by something in the road.¡± ¡°What is it? What scared them?¡± The leader with the eyepatch asked. ¡°Snakes sir!¡± The subordinate with the eyeshadow replied. ¡°What?¡± ¡°There¡¯s a load of snakes in the road sir.¡± ¡°How many?¡± ¡°At least a pit.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a hole in the road as well?¡± ¡°No. That¡¯s what a group of snakes is called.¡± said the Maquillage Guard. ¡°So how many is that!?¡± asked the Eyepatch Guard. ¡°More than a few, less than a lot.¡± The Eyepatch Guard hopped off of her tarpan. ¡°Move aside. Out of my way. I¡¯ll deal with this.¡± ¡°Yes sir.¡± The Maquillage Guard scooted back on his horse. The leader of the guards walked down the road. She passed in front of the other guards and their tarpans. In the road ahead of them she saw that there were a number of long black shapes blocking the path. The tarpans whickered nervously. *Gulp* ¡°This is nothing. Even a child could drive off a few snakes.¡± said the Eyepatch Guard. ¡°That¡¯s great to hear sir. We believe in you.¡± The Maquillage Guard said from the rear of the group. The Guardswoman frowned. She drew her sword. With a series of tentative steps she approached the snake pit of snakes. When she was finally close enough that she could see the black viper sizzling in the heat of the sun she leapt forward. ¡°Yah!¡± Her sword cut through the air and sliced the snake clean in half. One sticky half attached itself to the end of her blade. It flopped wildly at her. ¡°Yeeeh!¡± She hurled her sword into the middle of the road. The rest of the snakes waited patiently without concern for their slain brother. ¡°... wait a minute¡­¡± The Eyepatch Guard squinted her singular peeper. She picked up her sword. She wiggled it. The snake on the end wiggled back. ¡°These¡­ these are just rubber hoses!¡± she shouted. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°You incredulous cowards. Get down here and help me get these out of the road.¡± The Maquillage Guard snapped to attention. ¡°Yes sir. They¡¯re not sticky are they? They look sticky.¡± ¡°Now!¡± ¡°Yes sir.¡± The other guards dismounted and began cleaning the road of the rubber decoys. # Ave was in the underbrush off of the side of the road. She was getting the tarpans ready so that they could make their getaway. Luke jogged up through the bushes. He grabbed a saddlebag and tossed it over his shoulder. Ash stumbled after him. ¡°Ave, we should go. There are guards just down the road.¡± Luke said. ¡°What did Ash do this time?¡± she asked. ¡°Nothing.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Then why are you holding your hands like that?¡± she looked at Ash¡¯s hands. ¡°This is unrelated.¡± Ash rubbed his red palms against his shirt. Ave turned to Luke. ¡°Get the rest of the gear and lead the tarpans deeper into the forest.¡± ¡°What about you?¡± he asked. ¡°I¡¯ll help Ash with Buttercup.¡± Ash approached the third tarpan with a blanket in his hands. As he got close the tarpan shifted her haunches and flicked him in the face with her tail. ¡°Blarg!¡± Ash fell backwards spitting horsehair from his mouth. Ave walked over and took the blanket from him. She laid a gentle hand on Buttercup¡¯s flank and calmly storked the tarpan. When she was ready she threw the blanket over the tarpan¡¯s back and started to secure the saddle. ¡°I could have finished that.¡± Ash pouted. ¡°Not before sunset you couldn¡¯t.¡± Ave continued tending to the horse. ¡°Hmmph.¡± ¡°Do we have a problem Ash?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Do you trust me?¡± ¡°Also no.¡± Ave didn¡¯t turn around. She secured the stirrups on Buttercup''s saddle. ¡°It¡¯s nothing personal. I just think that it¡¯s weird.¡± Ash put his hands on his hips. ¡°All the Royal Guards from the Capital are out searching the countryside to arrest my friend Luke, except for one. You.¡± *Buttercup grunted* ¡°It¡¯s hard to believe that you¡¯re not going to turn us in. That¡¯s all.¡± Ash continued. ¡°I have as much to lose as you do.¡± she said. ¡°I still find that hard to believe.¡± ¡°Then let me prove it to you. Let¡¯s get out of here before we get captured.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± Ave led Buttercup away though the bushes deeper into the forest. Ash rubbed his hands on his shirt sleeves again and went to follow her. They saw the tarpans a few meters ahead through the trees. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash called out. ¡°Did you find a path we can use to escape through the woods?¡± Luke was standing still. As Ash and Ave stepped around the other tarpans they noticed the long metal blade of a sword pointed at Luke¡¯s chest. Luke smiled sheepishly at them. ¡°Sorry guys. I think I found the opposite thing.¡± Pull 2 Ash, Luke, and Ave were standing next to their tarpans in the middle of the woods. They held their hands in the air. ¡°We don¡¯t want any trouble.¡± Luke said. ¡°That is too bad. For I am afraid that it is trouble you have made and trouble that we have found.¡± The man that was speaking was standing in front of them holding a sword pointed at Luke¡¯s chest. He was in his mid fifties with a lean body and a narrow face. His hair was slicked back and cut close to his neck. There was gray at the edges of his temples and his beard. He kept his shoulders back and his chin up. His strong arm kept his blade steady as he spoke. He wore a chain shirt with a stylized sun on the front, and a green cloak wrapped around his shoulders. His sword was tapered at the point but then flared out dramatically just before the hilt. A blue gemstone could be seen sparkling on the pommel. The same sparkle was reflected in the man¡¯s eyes. ¡°I said to myself this morning, I said ¡®How strange it is that there should be so many Royal Guards out and about, searching the countryside like hounds on the chase of a hare.¡± He continued speaking. ¡°I said ¡®This smells of danger.¡¯ Did I not?¡± ¡°You did sir.¡± came the reply. Two other strangers were standing behind him. The first was a short man with a green scarf and a large coil of rope worn around his waist like a belt. He held a miniature airbow in one hand. A three finned metal dart could be seen glittering at the tip. The other was a taller woman with a green bandana. She had thick arms covered with a spiderweb of tiny scars from her shoulders down to her knuckles. She was picking her nails with a knife. More knives were holstered on her shoulders, biceps, and forearms. The green cloaked man continued. ¡°That¡¯s right. And so I said ¡®For the good of the Kingdom, the Kingdom you know, we should go and we should investigate. Never know what danger might be waiting nearby.¡¯ Isn¡¯t that right.¡± ¡°Too right sir.¡± the man with the dart replied. ¡°Thank you Less. And so here we are. And here you are. Creeping through the woods like guilty little groundhogs. This requires, Investigation! Lamb!¡± ¡°Hrrrm?¡± The woman looked up. ¡°Tie them up good and tight. We need to question them.¡± the man ordered. Lamb put away her knife. She pulled a cord of rope off of Less¡¯s belt and walked over to Luke. With a firm grip she began to tie his wrists together. ¡°Sorry, who are you?¡± Luke tried to shake off his confusion. The man slapped his forehead. ¡°Oh yes. Forgive me.¡± He took a step back and made a flourish with his cloak and sword. ¡°I am Gilt Homage. Ennoble Paladin Divinitist.¡± ¡°Great¡­¡± Ave hissed through her teeth. ¡°Paladins¡­¡± ¡°Is that bad?¡± Ash whispered to her. ¡°Nobody likes Paladins.¡± She whispered back. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Ash nodded at Luke. ¡°Is that true?¡± Luke held up his tied hands as an exaggerated example. The Paladin continued his introduction. ¡°Order of the frozen flame. Follower of the cerulean tortoiseshell. Champion of the Kingdom and loyal mouthpiece of the Gods.¡± He bowed. Ash whispered. ¡°What was that?¡± Gilt spun around. ¡°Nothing. Uh, excuse my friends good sir. Nice to meet you.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°Very well. And you are?¡± asked Gilt. ¡°My name is¡­¡± Luke paused. He noticed Ash and Ave frantically shaking their heads in unison. ¡°My name is¡­¡± Luke looked around at his kidnappers. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Belt¡­ Trousers¡­¡± ¡°Belt Trousers?¡± Gilt asked. ¡°Yup.¡± Luke smiled wider. ¡°A common name for someone of such¡­ aristocratic bearing.¡± Gilt rubbed his pointy chin. Lamb moved over and started looping a rope around Ash¡¯s body. ¡°So what are Paladins?¡± Ash butted in. ¡°They¡¯re¡­¡± Luke started. ¡°We are noble warriors dedicated to spreading the divine vision of the Gods around the world.¡± Gilt jumped in. ¡°Which gods?¡± Ash asked. ¡°All of them.¡± Gilt replied. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes really.¡± ¡°Name one.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Name a god. Any god. I¡¯ll wait.¡± Gilt looked at Luke. ¡°Who is this? Your manservant?¡± He waved a hand at Ash. ¡°Hey!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°Quiet you! Your betters are speaking.¡± said Gilt. ¡°Where? All I see is an old man with too much starch in his shirt and a stick up his¡­¡± Lamb put one of her hands on Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Take it easy chimney sweep.¡± ¡°Hey! I¡¯m too old to be a chimney sweep!¡± He shouted back at the bandana wearing bandit. ¡°Are you sure? Because you have the musculature of a twelve year old and you smell like a fireplace.¡± She smirked. ¡°Oh! Ohoho, you, you just¡­ grrrr¡­¡± Ash trailed off as the bandit put the flat of her knife against Ash¡¯s back. ¡°That¡¯s enough out¡¯a you.¡± Lamb pushed Ash to the side. ¡°What about the other one sir?¡± ¡°Who?¡± Gilt asked. Lamb turned and pointed one of her knives at Ave. ¡°Oh well¡­ didn¡¯t even see that one.¡± he said. ¡°She¡¯s wearing armor sir. Looks like it¡¯s from the Capital.¡± Lamb noticed. ¡°A deserter is it? We¡¯ll decide what to do with her later. Tie her up with the other one.¡± said Gilt. Ash and Ave were tied together against a tree. Lamb started patting Ash down. ¡°I though that Paladins were supposed to be noble.¡± Ash spoke out loud. ¡°We are.¡± Gilt said. Ave rolled her eyes. ¡°Then why are you robbing us?¡± Ash asked. ¡°We¡¯re doing nothing of the sort.¡± Gilt replied. ¡°I am.¡± Lamb finished patting down Ash. She pulled a small purse out of his pocket. Then she moved over to Ave. ¡°Sorry about her. She¡¯s new.¡± Gilt said. ¡°So you¡¯re really just bandits.¡± Ash said. ¡°We¡¯re not bandits we¡¯re privateers.¡± Less said lazily from the back. ¡°I¡¯m a bandit.¡± Lamb smiled. ¡°You¡¯re not.¡± Less replied. ¡°I am robbing him.¡± ¡°I told you it¡¯s not robbery if it¡¯s for a good cause.¡± Less sighed. Lamb pulled another purse from Ave¡¯s pocket. ¡°Why are you doing this?¡± Ave asked. ¡°It¡¯s an easy life.¡± Lamb replied. ¡°That¡¯s it?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Yep. Here, have some dirt.¡± Lamb reached over. She tossed a handful of dirt in Ash¡¯s face. *Cough*Cough*Blegh*Arrgh*Cough* Pull 3 ¡°So what are the Paladins about anyway?¡± Luke asked. He was sitting on the ground with his legs crossed and his rope bound hands resting in his lap. Gilt was standing in front of him looking at the contents of the purses that his helpers had taken from the group. He put down the stolen purse he was looking at and turned to Luke. ¡°So glad that you asked. It¡¯s rare that someone takes an interest in our good works.¡± ¡°Is that because you¡¯re usually robbing them?¡± Ash called from where he was tied to a tree. ¡°Shut up.¡± Lamb said. She reached down and pulled one of Ash¡¯s boots off of his foot. ¡°See. This is what I¡¯m talking about.¡± Ash complained. Gilt proceeded without paying attention to the others. ¡°As Paladins we strive to save the world from the tyranny of fiat money.¡± ¡°Uuugh¡± Ave rolled her eyes from where she was tied up next to Ash. Gilt continued to ignore everything but the sound of his own voice. ¡°Our world has been blessed with an infinite supply of resources and yet we chain ourselves to a sacrilegious material currency that devalues our Gods given gifts.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t say.¡± Luke said. ¡°We believe that our leaders should be chosen for their devotion and not their political affiliation.¡± Gilt was building up steam. ¡°I see.¡± Luke nodded along. ¡°The king should not determine taxes that should be the will of the Gods.¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Currency should be based on things that have intrinsic value like gold.¡± ¡°But then wouldn¡¯t everyone just summon gold?¡± Luke asked. ¡°They might. But then gold will lose its rarity and the inherent value will drop. At which point people will use a different resource. It¡¯s a self correcting system you see.¡± Gilt animated his point with a series of exaggerated hand gestures. ¡°It sounds¡­ confusing.¡± Luke smiled. # Ash and Ave were tied together on the same tree. ¡°Do you argue with everyone you meet?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Only when I¡¯m trying to make friends.¡± Ash quipped. The bandits Less and Lamb were examining a collection of glowing gemstones that they had taken from the group¡¯s purses. ¡°We can¡¯t let them take our crystals.¡± Ave said. ¡°Or turn us in to the guards.¡± Ash added. ¡°That too. We have one advantage.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°I still have my sword.¡± ¡°Look at that, you do. Why didn¡¯t they take that off of you?¡± asked Ash. ¡°They weren¡¯t paying attention. Now if we can only get free we can grab our horses and make a run for it.¡± # ¡°What beautiful horses. Such sweet, simple creatures.¡° Gilt said. Gilt gently patted Buttercup¡¯s flank while looking at the other tarpans. ¡°You don¡¯t deserve to be tied up like this. Be free my brothers!¡± *Slap* The horses galloped into the forest leaving the humans behind. ¡°I wish you hadn''t done that.¡± Luke frowned. Gilt shrugged. ¡°Why not? A man should rely on his own fortune. Not on the work of others, or even of simple beasts.¡± Luke looked up at the sky. ¡°Sure. But it¡¯s going to rain later. Now we¡¯re going to have to walk in the rain.¡± Gilt waved a finger. ¡°No, no, no. The weather is like everything. A blessing from the Gods. Bad weather only comes to those that deserve punishment.¡± Luke gazed up at the dark clouds and frowned. If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. # ¡°Okay. I¡¯m done with this.¡± Ave frowned in fulminating frustration. ¡°Can you summon a knife for me? A very small knife? I can use it to cut us free.¡± She whispered to Ash. ¡°No.¡± Ash snipped back. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Use your sword.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t draw it with my arms tied. Just make a knife.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Are you out of mana?¡± She tried to look him in the face. ¡°No.¡± Ash avoided her gaze. ¡°I thought you could use your powers whenever you wanted. You don¡¯t need to wait for your mana to recharge.¡± ¡°That¡¯s true¡­¡± Ash trailed off. ¡°But you said it¡¯s not good. Whatever you summon is always the worst tier possible.¡± Ave continued. ¡°Also true.¡± Ash acknowledged. ¡°So what is the problem? Summon a knife. Even if it¡¯s a shoddy one I can use it to cut us free.¡± Ave pressed. ¡°No. It¡¯s not that. The problem is that I can¡¯t make you one knife. I can¡¯t make just one of anything. Everytime I summon something it always comes in a big group.¡± ¡°Are you kidding me right now?¡± Ave hissed. ¡°No!¡± Ash counter hissed. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me about this earlier?¡± ¡°Forgive me for not wanting to talk about my magical inadequacies!¡± # The Paladin Gilt was finally winding down from his explanation. ¡°And that is why it is only acceptable for the Gods alone to determine bank holidays.¡± He paused his pedantic proclamations. ¡°Wow.¡± Luke blurted out. ¡°I¡¯m not going to pretend like I understood half of what you said but it is clear that you have a great deal of love for the kingdom and its wellbeing.¡± Gilt quivered with dedication. ¡°I have dedicated my body and soul to this cause. It is my very existence. It is why I was chosen.¡± Gilt fingered the pommel of his sword affectionately. *Concentration* ¡°Wait a minute.¡± Luke had a thoughtful look on his face. ¡°Do you have a large and powerful organization?¡± ¡°There are those dedicated to our cause throughout the land.¡± Gilt waved his arms at the horizon. ¡°And you¡¯re not controlled by the Council.¡± ¡°The Paladins are an independent organization.¡± ¡°And many of your followers are soldiers and warriors, correct?¡± ¡°This is true.¡± ¡°Then you would definitely want to protect the Kingdom, from say, an army of darkness?¡± ¡°With the power of the gods on our side there is no way we could lose.¡± # ¡°What is he doing?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Oh no¡­¡± Ash mumbled. # ¡°That¡¯s fantastic news.¡± Luke beamed with excitement. *Snap* Luke pulled the ropes binding his wrists apart with a quick flex of his arms. He hopped up onto his feet with a small jump. He extended a hand to Gilt. ¡°You can join up with us and help save the kingdom.¡± Luke said. ¡°What¡¯s all this then?¡± Gilt stood in shock. ¡°It¡¯s a long story but there¡¯s a Demon Lord loose in the Kingdom and we need help stopping him.¡± Luke said. ¡°A Demon Lord you say?¡± The Paladin stroked his beard. ¡°Save the Kingdom you say?¡± ¡°Are you sure boss? It sounds kind of fishy.¡± Less spoke up while watching the two of them converse. Gilt paced back and forth for a few seconds. ¡°I¡¯ll do it!¡± He exclaimed! He reached over and took Luke¡¯s hand with a firm grip! ¡°I¡¯m so glad to hear you say that¡­¡± Luke said. ¡°Under one condition!¡± Gilt halted the exchange! ¡°Uh¡­¡± ¡°You must summon for us!¡± ¡°What?¡± Luke was confused. ¡°As Paladins we encourage people to make the best of their gifts. Literally. We tell them to make the best thing they possibly can. If our magic is a gift from the Gods then the greatest of gifts surely show the Gods favor.¡± Gilt held one arm to the heavens. ¡°Show us that the Gods favor you and we will follow you to the ends of the earth!¡± ¡°Okay¡­¡± Luke stutted. ¡°What should I summon?¡± ¡°Oh anything will be fine. Let the Gods guide you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do it.¡± said Luke. Luke looked over at Ash and Ave tied to the tree. He gave them a thumbs up. Ash and Ave grimaced in unison. Luke ignored their disapproval. ¡°Here I go.¡± Luke took a step back and held out his hands. There was a buzz of magic. Like the air rolling before a stormfront. He started to concentrate. ¡°Although it would be nice if you summoned something that honored the father of the Gods, the lord Eictor.¡± Gilt suggested. ¡°Right¡­¡± Luke acknowledged. ¡°Maybe a statue or something¡­¡± ¡°Got it.¡± ¡°Something tasteful with above the waist nudity.¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Whatever you feel is best.¡± ¡°Okay¡­¡± Luke continued to concentrate. Then he stopped concentrating. He emptied his mind of all thought. With a magical effort he pulled. *Manifest!* In the middle of the small clearing a three meter tall statue appeared. Carved of finest marble it depicted an athletic man with only a linen robe draped around his waist. Every delicate detail of his physical form had been carved with anatomical precision. His hair, his nostrils, the lobes of his ears, even the veins of his arms were present in the stone. But his face was beyond perfection. The statue¡¯s smooth cheekbones and strong chin were the pinnacle of human beauty. The expression on the marble face was one of divine subtlety. Both stern and compassionate in equal measure. Luke fell to his knees in exhaustion. Gilt fell to his knees in tears. Less fell to his knees imagining how much a statue like this might be worth. Lamb swatted at a fly that was buzzing too close to her ear. ¡°This is¡­. This is beyond perfection.¡± Gilt stammered out. Luke was on his hands and knees on the ground. *Cough* ¡°So then¡­¡± *Cough* ¡°You¡¯ll help us get to the Capital and protect the Kingdom?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll do better than that!¡± Gilt¡¯s eyes were burning with passionate energy. ¡°We¡¯ll parade you through the gates of the Royal Castle itself and overthrow the entire monarchy!¡± ¡°Oh no¡­¡± Pull 4 ¡°This is our chance.¡± Ave said. ¡°They¡¯re distracted by the statue. We can grab Luke and slip away into the woods.¡± ¡°Great plan.¡± Ash nodded along. ¡°Summon a knife so I can cut us free.¡± She pushed. ¡°Terrible plan.¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°Just do it already.¡± ¡°It won¡¯t work.¡± ¡°Look, you want to save Luke don¡¯t you?¡± she asked. ¡°Yeah¡­¡± he replied. ¡°Then you have to do this.¡± Ave pressed harder. Ash thought for a second. ¡°Okay. You¡¯re right. It¡¯s up to me to save the day.¡± He straightened his shoulders against the tree that they were tied to. ¡°... sure¡­¡± Ave said next to him. ¡°Alright give me a second. I can''t move so it is going to be harder for me to concentrate.¡± Ash closed his eyes. He started collecting his mana. ¡°I¡¯m going to try and do it slowly. Tell me if you get one.¡± he said. There was a *Clattering* sound. A knife landed in the soft ground next to Ave¡¯s boot. Less had been staring at the statute. He started to slowly turn around. In a panic Ave kicked the knife into the bushes. The green scarf wearing bandit looked over at the bushes trying to see if there was anything moving. He didn¡¯t notice anything so he turned back around. Ave pushed her shoulder into Ash¡¯s back. he whispered with his eyes closed. *Clatter*Thud*Clank* Several more knives fell into the dirt around them. They were too far away for Ave to reach out and grab. There was a *Thunk* as a slim dagger landed on the tree branch right above Ave¡¯s head. She turned around to see another knife land right between Ash¡¯s legs only a hair¡¯s width from his inseam. Ash asked. She responded. *Ka-chunk* Ash opened his eyes again. Ave wheezed. Ash turned his head. A letter opener was stabbed into Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Holy RNG. Are you okay?¡± he said. Ave was staring straight ahead. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± She said through gritted teeth. ¡°My shoulder pad absorbed most of the damage. Now for the hard part. Can you¡­ pull it out?¡± ¡°You want me to pull it out?¡± Ash turned pale. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. ¡°Yes. I can¡¯t reach it.¡± Ave took a deep breath. ¡°Neither can I.¡± ¡°Yes you can. If you use your teeth.¡± ¡°Oh...¡± Ash looked apprehensive. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Yes. Unless you want to try summoning another bunch of knives.¡± Ash looked down at the knife planted between his legs. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll try to grab it.¡± Ash tried to crane his head back and bite down on the handle of the letter opener. It took a few tries as he gently kissed the handle. Finally he reached out his tongue, wrapped it around the grip, and then pulled it into his mouth. ¡°Ohay. Hi hink I¡¯v ga hit.¡± he blurbled. ¡°Good.¡± Ave was trying not to blink. ¡°Now gently pull it out of my shoulder and drop it into my hand.¡± ¡°Ohay.¡± Ash twisted his head away from Ave¡¯s shoulder. *Snap* Ash looked down to see a five centimeter long sliver of metal sticking out of Ave¡¯s shoulder pad. The brittle letter opener had snapped in the middle. Ave turned her head ever so slightly to avoid extra movement. ¡°Did you get it?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­ Yesh?¡± Ash said. ¡°It doesn¡¯t feel like you got it.¡± she said. Ash angled his head to the side and spit the broken piece of metal into Ave¡¯s hands. ¡°Wait a minute. This only feels like half. Where¡¯s the other half?¡± Ave felt the letter opener in her hands. ¡°It¡¯s still very close by. Just¡­ Just cut us free and we can worry about that later.¡± Ash told her. *Cut*Cut*Cut* # Luke was on the ground panting for breath. He balanced on one elbow while he waited for his vision to clear. Gilt Homage was standing next to the godly statue. He hesitantly extended his hand towards it but lacked the confidence to touch it with his filthy mortal fingers. ¡°You are clearly one of the chosen ones.¡± Gilt said. ¡°Well it is the statue¡­ of a god.¡± Luke wheezed. ¡°Not that. You my boy. The gods have favored you with the highest quality of summons possible. You must be favored by the divines.¡± Gilt said respectfully. ¡°That¡¯s what they say¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s why you need to be king.¡± Gilt exclaimed. Luke groaned as he sat down on his knees. ¡°But I don¡¯t want to be king.¡± Gilt put his hands on his hips. ¡°Nonsense. You can¡¯t possibly know what you don¡¯t want. Listen to me Belt Trousers the Gods would not have chosen you if you were not up to the task. Just give it a chance. Once you sit on the throne I¡¯m sure that you¡¯ll like it.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want¡­ to sit on the throne.¡± Luke ineffectually waved his hands at Gilt. ¡°Yes you do. Now come along my once and future king.¡± Gilt walked over to Luke and grabbed him by the shoulder. ¡°He is not going with you.¡± Ave stood up next to the tree she had been tied to. She kicked off the last of the ropes that had been wrapped around her. Ash was still trying to untangle himself. ¡°Who said that?¡± Gilt looked around. ¡°I am done being ignored!¡± Ave asserted. ¡°Oh right. The Guard girl. Listen my dear this is no longer something that you need to concern yourself with.¡± Gilt waved his hand at her. He turned to one of the bandits. ¡°Less if you would be so kind as to escort them away from here.¡± ¡°As you say sir.¡± Less aimed himself at Ave. He brandished his airbow in one hand and tossed his green scarf over his shoulder. With one smooth motion Ave raised her hands above her head, wrapped her fingers around the handle of the knife embedded in the tree above her, and then snapped her arms back down. The flying dagger pierced the loose end of Less¡¯s scarf as it hung in the air right above his shoulder. The knife continued on. It stabbed into a tree behind him yanking the rest of the scarf tight around his neck. ¡°Huuugh!¡± Less pitched backwards on one leg as he tried to keep his own scarf from strangling him. Ave took three quick steps forward. When she reached the bandit she spun her heel into the back of his knee. Less felt his last leg go out from under him and he dropped to the ground. Less¡¯s arms flailed in the air as he fell. One hand still held his airbow. A metal dart was fixed to the tip of the weapon. Two curved triggers were attached to the handle right below the dart¡¯s channel. In a panic he squeezed both of them at the same time. There was a hiss of air. The dart fired out. *Pa-Kang* The dart ricocheted off of the face of the grand statue and flew into the bushes. Paladin Gilt¡¯s face twisted in horror as he watched the nose from the statue of the god Eictor crack, crumble, and then drop to the ground next to his feet. Pull 5 ¡°Go get Luke.¡± Ave yelled at Ash. Ash freed himself from the last of the ropes and sprinted across the clearing. The Paladin was staring in shock at the statue. He spun around to face Ave. ¡°You, you, you, you troglodytes!¡± Gilt spit out. ¡°How dare you deface a vision of the Gods. I will teach you a lesson!¡± With a flourish the Paladin unsheathed his sword. Ave sighed. She reluctantly drew her arming sword. She set her feet apart and held the blade in front of her body with one hand. With a slight turn of her head she looked at the green bandana wearing Lamb who was standing off to the side. Lamb calmly put up her hands. ¡°We¡¯re cool.¡± She took a few steps back. Ave returned her attention to Gilt. Gilt was holding his tapered blade with two hands. His cheeks were flushed red. He raised his arms and charged forward. ¡°He is clearly one of the chosen ones. Once he joins the Paladins we will finally be taken seriously.¡± Gilt yelled. Ave snorted. ¡°That will never happen.¡± She parried his blade to the side and stepped back to keep her distance. ¡°With his divine summoning we won¡¯t even need to rob people anymore.¡± Gilt swung again.. ¡°So you admit that you¡¯re bandits after all.¡± Ave parried again. ¡°Can you really steal what the Gods have given?¡± Gilt feinted. Ave shifted her legs and slightly bent her knees. She raised her sword and angled the tip towards Gilt. ¡°You¡¯re just trying to use him as a puppet for your phony piety.¡± She feinted as well. ¡°Nonsense. He will be a leader in our cause. He just won¡¯t have any power or authority.¡± Gilt flourished his blade dramatically yet ineffectually. Ave blinked. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s exactly what I said.¡± ¡°I will not let you take our chosen one.¡± Gilt raised his sword again. ¡°This is why nobody likes Paladins.¡± Ave readied herself to parry again. # ¡°Luke! Are you alright?¡± Ash kneeled down by the other boy. ¡°Only a little tired¡­ ¡° Luke said. ¡°It looks like I made a mistake. I thought I could convince them to help us¡­¡± He gave a wan smile. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here.¡± Ash said. Ash tried to get an arm under Luke¡¯s shoulder. With an exaggerated grunt he finally managed to lift Luke off of the ground. ¡°You put on weight. *Pant* Too much good living *Wheeze* in the Capital.¡± Ash said as he hobbled out of the way with Luke in his arms. *Clang* Ash looked up to see Ave deflect another blow from Gilt. The Paladin was red in the face and breathing heavy. Ave had not even broken a sweat yet. ¡°I think she can beat him. We should try to sneak away quickly.¡± Ash said. # *Clang* Gilt stumbled back a few feet. His sword tip was starting to drop closer to the ground. ¡°Grrr.¡± He wiped some sweat from his forehead. ¡°It¡¯s time that I showed you the real power of the Gods.¡± Ave braced herself. Gilt put on a self satisfied smile. ¡°Have you ever seen¡­ a magic sword?¡± Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. With a smooth motion Gilt raised his sword overhead. He swung it down. The tip of the blade buried itself in the ground in front of him. *Thunk*Crack-Flash* The ground turned white. Ave shifted her stance in surprise but it was too late. A sheet of frost spread out in all directions freezing the ground solid. Moisture in the soil turned instantly into ice crystals. Ave¡¯s left foot was covered in ice. She twisted her right foot, barely managing to keep it from sticking to the ground. ¡°Tch¡­¡± Ave grimaced. A sheath of ice had frozen her left boot to the ground. ¡°What do you think of that?¡± The Paladin gloated as he pulled his sword from the ground. He held the blade perpendicular to his body. ¡°The Ice Blade Ahurfrost. This sword is proof that I am one of those favored by the divines. Only the Gods most loyal, most dedicated, most righteous servants can summon a magical sword like this one.¡± ¡°And how many times did you try to summon a sword like that before you succeeded?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Bah! That¡¯s not important.¡± Gilt shouted back. ¡°Paladins¡­¡± # ¡°Why is it so cold?¡± Luke was rubbing his eyes. ¡°That Paladin has a magic sword. He froze the ground.¡± Ash replied. ¡°He froze the ground?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, he froze the damn ground! Ave¡¯s stuck.¡± Ash panicked. ¡°Are we frozen?¡± Luke was having trouble focusing. ¡°Huh¡­ no we aren¡¯t¡­¡± Ash looked at his feet. ¡°Looking at the pattern of the ice, the ground was frozen in every direction, except where he was standing. And except where we¡¯re standing.¡± ¡°Was it because we were standing behind him?¡± ¡°No, we''re standing behind the statue.¡± Ash looked up. ¡°He controlled the ice because he didn¡¯t want to freeze it. I have an idea.¡± Ash put his shoulder against the statue and tried to push. The statue refused to budge. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°Help me here.¡± Luke grunted and put his own shoulder against the statue beside Ash. ¡°Grrrr!¡± They shoved in unison. The statue¡¯s weight held, and held, and held, and held. Then it quivered. The godly sculpture tilted a degree away from the boys, then another, then another, then another. ¡°Almost there!¡± Ash shouted. He could see a sliver of shadow beneath the statue¡¯s base. ¡°Hold it for me!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got it!¡± Luke braced both of his elbows against the massive model. Ash dropped to his knees. He blinked, then jammed his hand into the gap under the base of the statue. Gilt drew circles in the air with the tip of his magic sword. The blade shimmered with a layer of frost. ¡°How do you like my magic? Have you cooled off? Is your blood frozen in fear?¡± He said mockingly. Ave kept her sword steady, but there were beads of sweat on the back of her neck. ¡°I try to keep a cool head.¡± She said. ¡°I should warn you. I can be very cold blooded.¡± Gilt grinned. ¡°Ugh. This ice is thicker than you wit.¡± Ave replied. ¡°Enough of this. It¡¯s time to freeze you solid.¡± Gilt raised his magic sword above his head. ¡°Start with my ears so I won¡¯t have to listen to any more of your drivel.¡± Ave raised her sword to defend herself. ¡°Hey worship warrior! You might want to pray for forgiveness.¡± Ash shouted from behind. Gilt turned his head to see Ash on the ground next to the statue. There was a sizzle of magical energy. Sand erupted from beside his hand under the base of the sculpture. As if from a giant broken hourglass it poured out in all directions. The statue itself was lifted up by the shear volume of the gritty gravel. Ash summoned more and more until the statue was lifted off the ground on a bed of sand. Already off balance the stone statue started to shift on the sloping sand below its base. Gilt looked on in horror as the stately statuette began to tip over. ¡°No!¡± He shouted. ¡°No! No! No! No! No!¡± With a scream he ran forward. His magic sword dropped to the ground behind him. He put both hands on the statue and braced himself like a human bipod. His arms shook as he tried to keep the statue from falling. # ¡°Ave!¡± Ash crunched across the icey sand towards the guardswoman. One of Luke¡¯s arms was draped over his shoulder. ¡°Are you alright?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been better.¡± She grumbled. Ave¡¯s left boot was covered with ice and sand. ¡°Can you move?¡± ¡°Give me a second.¡± Ave bent down. She struck the ice around her boot with the pomel of her arming sword. The ice shattered. Ave winced. There was a cracking sound as she pulled her boot free. ¡°Give me your arm.¡± Ash said. Ave threw her free arm over Ash¡¯s shoulder. # ¡°No! The Gods cannot be defaced and disgraced like this!¡± Gilt¡¯s face turned bright red as he held up the entire weight of the statue. For a moment he actually kept it from falling. Then Gilt¡¯s feet suddenly slipped in the smooth and sandy slush. The summoned sculpture fell on him with a great *Ka-thud*. Nobody moved for a second while they waited to see if he was still alive. ¡°Aaarrrhhh!¡± The Paladin¡¯s arms and legs wiggled out from under the statue. Gilt flailed around like a flattened cockroach. ¡°Less! Lamb! Help me out from under here!¡±, came the muffled shouts from the bank of sand he was buried in. ¡°On my way sir!¡± Less jumped up. ¡°Glllgggkkk!¡± He accidentally strangled himself on his own scarf again. ¡°Right away boss.¡± Lamb didn¡¯t move. She started idly kicking sand off of her boots. Ash, Luke, and Ave looked at each other. They nodded in unison. The three of them quietly sidled off into the underbrush without another word. Pull 6 ¡°Damn it all. First the guards and now Paladins are after us too. We have to get out of here in case there are more people searching for us.¡± Ash said. Ash was stomping through the forest as the sun set. Luke and Ave¡¯s arms were draped over his shoulders. Ash grunted with exertion. ¡°Is there somewhere we could hide? Somewhere no one would look for us?¡± Ave asked. She was limping. ¡°We could go to the dungeon¡­¡± Luke spoke up. His stride was sluggish. ¡°Shush, no more out of you. Go to sleep.¡± Ash playfully patted Luke¡¯s face. ¡°What¡¯s he talking about?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Nothing. It¡¯s nothing.¡± Ash said. ¡°There¡¯s a dungeon¡­mmph.¡± Ash put his hand over Luke¡¯s mouth. ¡°See? Nothing.¡± Ash gave a panicked smile. ¡°Tell me.¡± Ave said. ¡°Okay. But it¡¯s a bad idea. There is this old ruin on the outskirts of town. It¡¯s been there for as long as anyone can remember.¡± Ash raised his eyebrows. ¡°They say that it was a dungeon during the Age of Darkness.¡± Luke added. ¡°Stop helping.¡± Ash snapped. ¡°What they actually say is that it¡¯s filled with traps and monsters.¡± ¡°There are underground passages that are supposed to lead all the way to the next township.¡± Luke continued. ¡°Sure. But it¡¯s forbidden to enter the dungeon so no one really knows.¡± said Ash. ¡°So nobody has ever gone inside?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Oh no, everyone from town has been inside. The fifteen year olds tell the twelve year olds about how there¡¯s a dungeon on the outskirts of town and if they go there they¡¯ll die. Then the twelve year olds immediately sneak out of town and go to the dungeon. It¡¯s kind of a Star Town tradition when you think about it.¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°Is it dangerous?¡± she asked. ¡°No. Critically safe. Been abandoned for years.¡± Ash said. ¡°So you don¡¯t want to go there?¡± ¡°Oh no, I really do. We could spend hours there.¡± # ¡°So this is the Wolframite Dungeon.¡± Ash said. The group was standing in front of a large stone archway. A set of paved stairs led down to a tunnel under the ground. The Dungeon was built out of carved stones. The walls of the Dungeon were decorated with faded pictographs and glyphs. Thick layers of moss were plastered over the surface of the stones. Every now and then flakes of iron oxide drifted down from the ceiling to pile up on the floor below. ¡°We really shouldn¡¯t be here.¡± Ash said. ¡°I thought you said it wasn¡¯t dangerous.¡± Ave looked at him. ¡°It¡¯s not, but now we¡¯re going to be here all day. I mean we have to go inside. We can¡¯t just leave after coming all the way over.¡± Ash gestured at the entrance to the dungeon. ¡°That might not be a bad thing. I think a rogue storm is approaching.¡± Luke added. ¡°A storm? Well¡­ since we are already here. We might as well take shelter right?¡± Ash smiled. ¡°You said it was abandoned?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Yeah, nobody inside. Have you ever been in a dungeon?¡± Ash asked. ¡°All of the dungeons around the Capital are sealed off.¡± She said. ¡°She¡¯s right. It¡¯s forbidden to enter any of the Capital dungeons.¡± Luke added. ¡°It¡¯s forbidden here too but that never stopped us.¡± Ash said. ¡°Haha, no it did not.¡± Luke chuckled. ¡°So you¡¯ve really never been inside a dungeon?¡± Ash turned back to Ave. ¡°No.¡± She replied. ¡°Well now we have to show her around.¡± Ash said. ¡°We have to.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°We¡¯re already here after all.¡± Ash rubbed his hands together. ¡°It would be a shame to turn back without going inside.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°We should give her the grand tour.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the least we could do.¡± The two boys raised their eyebrows at Ave. ¡°I have always wondered what the inside of one of these looks like.¡± Ave said. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°Yeah! Let¡¯s go.¡± Luke shouted. # ¡°Watch your step here. There¡¯s water that pools at the bottom of the stairs.¡± Ash pointed at the base of the stairs. He held up a candle to light the way. Luke helped Ave down the stairs. ¡°Can you stand?¡± he asked. Ave winced on her frozen foot. ¡°It¡¯s bruised but not broken. I¡¯m fine for now.¡± ¡°Great. I¡¯m uh, going to uh, go scout ahead.¡± Luke looked around nervously. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Yeah. I think I remember how it works.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ash winked. ¡°Don¡¯t take too long.¡± Luke winked back. ¡°I¡¯ll be careful.¡± Ave leaned against the wall and sat down heavily. She sighed. ¡°How¡¯s the leg?¡± Ash inquired. ¡°Swollen. I wish we had kept some of that ice.¡± Ave rubbed her foot. ¡°You were doing really well back there. Until he cheated.¡± Ash tried to cheer her up. ¡°It was my fault. I got angry. I should have grabbed Luke and left. We could have snuck past them without a fight.¡± Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her face. ¡°He had it coming. If you hadn¡¯t jumped up first I would have punched him right in the face.¡± Ave let her eyebrows angle up ever so slightly. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Ha ha, no.¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°Have you ever been in a fight before?¡± Ave leaned away from the wall. ¡°Oh yeah. Lots. I was never a willing participant but I can handle myself.¡± Ash tried to crack his knuckles. *Silence* Ave popped the straps of her breastplate and slid it off of her chest. ¡°Help me with my armor.¡± she said. ¡°Uh¡­ okay.¡± Ash peaked his eyebrows. Ash took the metal breastplate and placed it on the ground next to them. Ave held her arms up over her head. ¡°Help me with my tunic.¡± Ash gingerly pulled the quilted material over Ave¡¯s head and down her arms. Ave wiped some sweat off of the nape of her neck. She pulled her undershirt to the side exposing her collarbone. Ash looked around nonchalantly. ¡°Luke¡­ should be back any second so¡­¡± ¡°I need you to pull that letter opener out of my shoulder.¡± ¡°Oh yeah¡­. Uhh¡­¡± Ash kneeled over. Ave held her shirt to the side. Ash could see a sliver of metal right above her deltoid. Ash gripped the edge of the shard with two fingers and wiggled his hand like he was trying to remove a tea bag from a teapot. *Hmmm.¡± Ave let out a deep breath. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Ash pulled his hand back. ¡°I¡¯m fine. You need to go deeper. Use both hands if you have to.¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You¡¯re not going to hurt me.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ash wiped sweat away from his face. Ash pressed down with both hands. He pinched the metal tip between his fingers. With a confidence he didn¡¯t fully feel he pulled a two centimeter metal fragment of letter opener from Ave¡¯s shoulder. Nothing. Ash breathed a *Sigh* of relief. Then a bead of blood welled up and rolled down Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Huuurgggf.¡± Ash swallowed hard. ¡°Have you never seen blood before?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Of course I have. Only¡­ Not coming out of a person, like this.¡± He took a few quick breaths. ¡°I think I felt my stomach and my colon switch places.¡± ¡°Do you have any clean cloth?¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± Ash patted his dirty sleeves. ¡°Probably not.¡± Ave looked Ash up and down. ¡°No. But I do have this.¡± Ash held out a hand and concentrated. A tumble of ratty washcloths appeared on his palm. ¡°There¡¯s always that.¡± Ave said. Ave took one of the cloths and started wrapping it around her shoulder. Ash took the rest and started wiping the excess sweat off of his forehead. ¡°It¡¯s all set!¡± Luke shouted from down the underground tunnel. ¡°Thank the moons.¡± Ash sighed. ¡°What did he say?¡± Ave asked. ¡°He said it¡¯s all safe. Let¡¯s follow him.¡± Ash held out his hand. Ave took it. With her free hand she picked up her breastplate. She tied the buckles together and slung it over her shoulder. The two of them started to walk down the corridor. # ¡°And you two are sure that this place is safe?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Don¡¯t worry we¡¯ve been here multiple times. We know this place like the inside of our own eyelids.¡± Luke gave a reassuring wave. ¡°Now come on.¡± He took a step forward. *Click* A pressure plate activated. There was a hiss of air. Dozens of tiny projectiles launched from the wall. Luke was pierced, pincushioned, and perforated. ¡°Aaah! Oooh! Uuuh!¡± He exclaimed. Luke dropped to the floor in a heap. ¡°Luke! Are you okay!?¡± Ave shouted. Luke sat up. ¡°Fine. Why do you ask?¡± A dozen small twigs and reeds were stuck in his tunic. He brushed some branches out of his hair. ¡°What the hatter¡¯s mercury dipped felt was that?¡± Ave shouted. ¡°Haha haha.¡± ¡°Hoho hoho.¡± Luke and Ash laughed in unison. ¡°Sorry. Sorry. We do that to everyone the first time they come into the dungeon. It¡¯s a Star Town tradition.¡± Ash said. ¡°You pretend to get killed?¡± Ave said. ¡°Yeah. Nobody ever sees it coming.¡± Luke smiled. He leapt to his feet. ¡°Check this out.¡± Luke stepped on the pressure plate again. There was a second hiss of air from the nearby wall. ¡°Look at that craftsmanship. It¡¯s a pressure activated re-arming dart launcher. This place is hundreds of years old and yet the traps still work.¡° Luke smiled. Ash idly kicked a femur that was lying on the ground. ¡°The darts got used long ago, but the launching mechanism is still functional.¡± ¡°That was really stupid.¡± Ave wheezed. ¡°It¡¯s tradition. It¡¯s supposed to be stupid.¡± Ash replied. ¡°I think I¡¯m bleeding again.¡± Ave put a hand against the nearby wall. ¡°Oh crap! Sorry.¡± Luke leaned over. ¡°Yeah. Sorry.¡± Ash repeated. ¡°Ahhh. I¡¯ve lost too much blood. My heart¡­ I¡¯m going to pass out.¡± Ave slumped face first to the floor. ¡°Oh no! Ave? Are you alright?¡± Luke quickly crouched down. ¡°Quick take off her tunic!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°What?¡± Luke stuttered. ¡°I don¡¯t know! Check to see if she¡¯s still bleeding?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± Luke hesitated for a moment before grabbing Ave¡¯s shoulders and gently rolling her over onto her back. Ave stared up at him with a cold, emotionless gaze. ¡°My hero.¡± she sardonically quipped. ¡°Wha¡­ you¡¯re okay?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yes I¡¯m okay. Help me up.¡± she replied. ¡°Did you just¡­¡± Ash trailed off. ¡°What? It¡¯s tradition. Ave said. ¡°Haha!¡± Luke laughed. ¡°You know what? I think this makes you an honorary Starter.¡± Pull 7 ¡°How are you feeling?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Fine now. Your little trick really had me fooled there for a second.¡± Luke nodded to her. He held her arm as they walked down the dungeon corridor. ¡°Right. But what about before?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Back in the clearing. You could barely walk.¡± said Ave. ¡°Oh yeah. That always happens. Anytime I summon I get really tired like that.¡± said Luke. ¡°What? Anytime? But I¡¯ve seen you summon in the Capital. You never collapsed like that before.¡± she said. ¡°That¡¯s because of my corset.¡± ¡°Your what?¡± Ave raised an eyebrow. Luke lifted up his doublet. Layers of stiff fabric were concealed beneath. ¡°This whalebone corset was crafted by the finest seamstresses in the land. In addition to providing me with excellent back support it also has a hook on the back. Anytime I needed to summon in front of the court they hooked me to a chair so that I was always sitting upright.¡± ¡°Because otherwise you would have fallen over.¡± Ave guessed. ¡°That¡¯s right. Then I just have to put on my Royal Summoner hat.¡± Luke waved at his head. ¡°The big floppy one?¡± Ave asked. ¡°That¡¯s the one. It makes it look like I¡¯m concentrating when I¡¯m really passed out from exhaustion.¡± ¡°Has your power always done that?¡± Luke glanced at Ash then back to Ave. ¡°Yeah.¡± he nodded. ¡°And you still did it?¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°It was my job.¡± # ¡°Is that a secret tunnel?¡± Ash pointed ahead. ¡°A secret tunnel!?¡± Luke exclaimed. The two of them stood in front of a rectangular opening. A section of the dungeon wall had been pushed aside to reveal a corridor. The front part of the wall fit in perfectly with the stones around it. But on the back side there was a hidden set of hinges that allowed the wall section to swing open. ¡°Look at the streaks of rust on the floor. It was opened recently.¡± Luke pointed. ¡°Should we go inside?¡± Ash asked. ¡°There¡¯s no reason not to.¡± Luke said. ¡°It really sucks that we discovered this.¡± ¡°Why do you say that?¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°Because now we can¡¯t tell anybody in town. Think of how cool we would be if we told them that we found a secret tunnel. I can almost picture Jack¡¯s face when I tell him we located a hidden passage. *Sigh* No one will believe us now.¡± Ave was resting against the wall. ¡°What are you two talking about?¡± ¡°Look at the inscribed logograms on the dungeon wall.¡± Luke pointed at the hidden passageway. ¡°These ones here have been depressed.¡± Ash singled out a few. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°A hidden switch maybe?¡± Luke puzzled out. ¡°There¡¯s a layer of dust on the exterior walls but the interior walls are clean.¡± Ash looked out. ¡°This might be a whole part of the dungeon that no one has ever seen.¡± Luke thought out. ¡°When you two are done I¡¯ll be over here. Bleeding.¡± Ave let out. ¡°Sorry.¡± Luke looked back at her. ¡°But look at this. We found a secret tunnel.¡± ¡°Yes. You keep saying that over and over.¡± Ave said. ¡°Think of what might be inside. There could be treasure.¡± Luke said. ¡°Or ancient weapons.¡± Ash added. ¡°You two really want to go in there?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Oh yeah.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°What if we find a secret passage? We might be able to avoid the roads entirely. We could make it to the next township without any more dangerous encounters.¡± ¡°It would save us a lot of time.¡± Ash added. Ave chewed her lip. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve never been in an undiscovered dungeon before.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the spirit.¡± Luke looked at the single candle he was holding. He turned to Ash. ¡°It¡¯s getting dark. We¡¯re going to need more light. Torches?¡± ¡°Got it.¡± Ash held out his hands. *Ka-zam* A bundle of torches fell onto the floor in front of them. Luke picked on up. ¡°Got a light?¡± Ave picked up a separate torch. She balanced her loose breastplate over her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ve got a firestarter.¡± The three of them leaned over as she struck her firestarter over the torches. *Tik*Tik**Tik-Ka-Fwoosh* A cloud of thick acrid smoke exploded from the heads of the lit torches. It filled the corridor around them. *Cough* ¡°Waagh. Oh wow. That is a lot of smoke.¡± Ave said. ¡°It¡¯s not *cough* that bad.¡± *cough* Ash said. Luke struggled for breath. ¡°Aaahh¡­ It¡¯s in my eyes. It stings.¡± Ash pulled out a bundle of washcloths. ¡°Here. Put these over your mouths.¡± # After a few minutes the group was ready to move on. Luke held some of the unused torches under his arm. Ash stepped forward into the unexplored passage. He held his torch as far away from his face as possible. After a few minutes of walking the three of them came to a spit path. One corridor branched to the left, another to the right. ¡°Which way?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Not sure.¡± Ash held his torch up. He paused. ¡°Did you two see anything?¡± ¡°Like what? Ave said. ¡°Like an animal.¡± Ash answered. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Must have been the shadows moving.¡± ¡°I think I read about situations like this.¡± Luke said. ¡°Really?¡± Ash glanced at him. ¡°Yes. While I was in the Capital. There was a book that said when you come to fork in a maze you should always choose the right path.¡± ¡°The right path? Or was it the correct path?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Huh¡­ maybe that wasn¡¯t it¡­¡± Luke scratched his head. ¡°I think I remember it now. If we keep following the left path that will lead us in the right direction.¡± ¡°Left leads us right?¡± Ash raised an eyebrow. ¡°Shoot, hold on, that¡¯s not right¡­¡± Luke rubbed his forehead. ¡°Is it right?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No it¡¯s wrong.¡± Ave said. ¡°What is?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Right.¡± Luke said. ¡°So we go left?¡± Ave guessed. ¡°Right. I mean, I think, I don¡¯t know¡­¡± Luke confounded. ¡°Let¡¯s just pick a path and stick with it.¡± Ave said. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll do it.¡± Ash frowned. He looked down the right corridor. He looked down the left corridor. His torch flickered. ¡°Left it is.¡± He said. The group walked down the left path. After a few minutes they came to another branching hallway. ¡°Left again¡± Ash led them down the corridor. More corridor. Another split. ¡°Left.¡± They walked on. More corridor. Another split. ¡°Left?¡± Ash said. ¡°Hold on.¡± Ave held up her torch. ¡°That¡¯s three lefts. We should have walked in a circle by now.¡± ¡°Fine. Then we¡¯ll go right this time.¡± Ash turned down the other path. Ave paused. ¡°Hold on. Did you two hear anything?¡± ¡°Like what?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Almost like footsteps¡­¡± Ave replied. Luke tilted his head. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. There shouldn¡¯t be anyone else in this part of the dungeon after all.¡± ¡°If no one has been in this part of the dungeon before, does that mean that the traps still work?¡± Ave asked. Ash waved his hand. ¡°They might. But we¡¯ve been in the Wolframite Dungeon before so we should be able to spot¡­¡± The floor snapped open under Ash. He fell into darkness. Pull 8 Shadowbeasts ¡°Aaaaaahhhhhh!¡± ¡°Ash! Are you okay?¡± Luke shouted into the pit. ¡°Aaarrrhhhggg!¡± ¡°Oh Moons above! He¡¯s dead. He¡¯s been impaled!¡± Luke cried out to the heavens. ¡°Iiieee¡¯mmm not dead you jackass!¡± Ash shouted back. ¡°Ash! You¡¯re alive!¡± Luke dropped to his knees at the edge of the pit. ¡°No! But I am in tremendous pain.¡± Ash called back. There was a crackling sound like someone walking on peanut shells. ¡°What was that noise?¡± Ave asked from up above. ¡°Pinecones!¡± Ash hollered. ¡°The pit was full of pinecones?¡± she said. ¡°No! The pit was full of spikes.¡± Ash bemoaned from below. ¡°As I fell I dropped my torch. I could see that the bottom of the pit was full of metal spikes. So one microsecond before I hit the bottom I panicked and pulled whatever I could. Now the pit is filled with a layer of pinecones.¡± ¡°Good thinking!¡± Luke said. ¡°You stay there. I¡¯m going to try and find a rope or something to pull you out with. Don¡¯t go anywhere.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t¡­¡± Ash growled from the pit. Luke jogged off into the dungeon. Ave sat down at the edge of the pit. She rubbed her leg. ¡°Why? Why! Why did I summon pinecones! I could have summoned hay bales. Or maybe pillows! Why pinecones?¡± Ash groused from the bottom of the pit. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Ave asked passively. ¡°There is a pinecone lodged between my buttcheeks! But I think that it¡¯s the only thing preventing a metal spike from impaling my drainage ditch. So I can¡¯t move it!¡± Was the reply. ¡°Hmmm.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t sound very concerned.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m not.¡± # Luke ran back into the corridor. Ave raised her torch. ¡°I did it. I found some rope.¡± He showed her a coil of rope he was holding. ¡°Where did you find a rope?¡± she asked. ¡°Down the other passage. I was running along when I heard a voice telling me to stop.¡± ¡°You heard a voice?¡± Ave raised an eyebrow. ¡°Yes. And when I stopped, there was. A door built into the side of the hallway. I opened it up and I found all kinds of supplies inside.¡± Luke continued. ¡°What kind of supplies?¡± ¡°Nails, tools, pots, pans, and this rope.¡± Luke started coiling the rope around his waist. ¡°Huh? Does that sound strange to you?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Why should it? According to the legends, Dungeons were used to hide all kinds of things. Weapons, or treasure, I guess someone put some rope in this one.¡± said Luke. Luke moved to the edge of the pit. ¡°Ash! I¡¯m throwing a rope down.¡± He tossed one end of the rope over the edge. *Thump* ¡°Ah! My face!¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Grab hold of it.¡± Luke called down to him. ¡°Okay! I¡¯ve got it. Pull me up.¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Heave!¡± Luke staggered back a few steps. ¡°Aaah! It hurts!¡± Ash screamed in pain. ¡°What¡¯s wrong Ash? Is it the spikes?¡± Luke stopped and called out. ¡°No! You¡¯re dragging me across a bed of pinecones!¡± ¡°Should I stop?¡± ¡°...uuuggghhh¡­ keep going¡­¡± Ash sobbed. Luke hoisted the rope. He took a few more steps back. There was a crunching and scraping sound from the pit. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. # After a few minutes Ash was finally dragged over the edge of the pit. Ash¡¯s entire body was covered with a fine layer of scratches. The edges of his pants were frayed. Bits of pinecone were stuck in his hair. Ave and Luke politely brushed some of the seeds from his clothes. ¡°Okay. *Cough* So that direction is flubbed.¡± Ash took a deep breath. Pinecone dust rolled off his shoulders. ¡°Does anyone else *Cough* want to take over?¡± Luke put a hand on Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯ve got it.¡± He pointed off to the other corridor. ¡°If we follow this direction we should be able to find a way out.¡± *Stomp*Stomp* Everyone froze in place. *Stomp*Stomp* ¡°What¡­ was that?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Sounded like, footsteps.¡± Ave said. *Stomp*Stomp* ¡°Heavy footsteps.¡± Luke added. ¡°There isn¡¯t anything else down here we need to be worried about is there?¡± Ave asked. ¡°No.¡± Ash said. ¡°Only the Shadowbeasts.¡± Luke offered helpfully. ¡°No don¡¯t say¡­ you said it.¡± Ash groaned. ¡°You don¡¯t think it¡¯s a Shadowbeast?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No I do. But I was trying to avoid saying so out loud.¡± Ash replied. ¡°The footsteps are coming from the way we came. What do we do?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ keep moving.¡± Ave said. Ash and Luke nodded in silent agreement. The three of them started walking down the corridor. # Luke was walking down the hallway. Ave was staggering along beside him with her arm over his shoulder. Ash was walking ahead. He held his torch out in front of him. The thick smoke was stinging his eyes. ¡°See anything?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No. Nothing yet.¡± Ash wiped some sweat from his forehead. ¡°There has to be a way out somewhere.¡± The group reached another branching corridor in the Dungeon. ¡°Which way now?¡± Ash looked back and forth. *Ghhhrrr¡­* There was a deep rumbling growl from the tunnel behind them. ¡°Right! Go right.¡± Luke shouted. They hurried on, faster than comfortable. ¡°That was the wind. Right?¡± Ave said. ¡°Right.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°Definitely not a Shadowbeast.¡± she followed up. ¡°Of course not. Shadowbeasts are creatures from ancient fairy tales.¡± Luke affirmed. Ash shook his head. ¡°That¡¯s right. No one in Star Town has ever seen a Shadowbeast. It¡¯s the safest city in the Kingdom. And this is the safest Dungeon. Haha, Shadowbeasts aren¡¯t actually real.¡± He swallowed hard. ¡°Are they?¡± ¡°There are a lot of old legends about them.¡± Luke let on. ¡°Legends? Is that all?¡± Ash swiped his torch left and right into the shadows of the corridor. ¡°The legends have to come from somewhere.¡± Ave stated. ¡°But have you ever seen one?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No.¡± Luke responded dryly. ¡°But, I''ve been living in a castle for the last four years. The only animals I¡¯ve seen in all that time were the rats.¡± Ash raised an eyebrow. ¡°There are rats in the castle?¡± ¡°There are a lot of rats in the castle.¡± Luke replied. ¡°It¡¯s actually a huge problem.¡± ¡°Where do they come from?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Nobody knows. Somewhere up from the cellars I imagine. You can find them in every part of the castle. They leave little pellet shaped poops everywhere.¡± ¡°That¡¯s hard to believe.¡± Ash paused to listen. ¡°Well they¡¯re small creatures so their poops are more about quantity than volume.¡± Luke nodded his head. ¡°No not the poop. I mean it¡¯s hard to imagine that there are rats in the castle.¡± ¡°Why is that?¡± Luke raised an eyebrow. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± Ash itched his neck. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s the castle. It¡¯s where the Royal Family lives. I always thought that it was kind of¡­ special.¡± he shrugged. ¡°I used to imagine you there, living a life of luxury. On a bed with silk sheets. Bathing in a pool filled with honey and lemon. Strolling through a garden with all kinds of exotic roses while you drink tea with the Princess. You know, the good life.¡± Luke had a far away look in his eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t get the wrong idea. The Capital is an amazing place and the castle is a truly impressive building. All of those beds and baths and gardens, they¡¯re real, and they¡¯re splendid.¡± Luke brushed his hair out of his eyes. ¡°It¡¯s just that they¡¯re also full of rat poop.¡± ¡°What about you Ave? You¡¯ve been quiet this whole time. Do you believe in Shadowbeasts?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I don¡¯t believe in fairy tales.¡± Ave replied. ¡°But I do believe in large animals. Wolves. Maybe bears.¡± Ave looked over her shoulder. ¡°In those fairy tales, do Shadowbeasts live in Dungeons?¡± Ash looked over her shoulder as well. ¡°I don¡¯t know if they live in them, but they are strongly associated.¡± Luke tried to keep his voice under control. ¡°I¡¯ve been misinformed about a lot of things lately. I¡¯m not going to guess on this one.¡± # The group shuffled down the corridor. Ash blinked. Smoke billowed in front of his face. There were tears in his eyes. *Stomp*Stomp* ¡°Where is that coming from?¡± He said to himself. He reached another split path. There were two directions they could go. He looked down one hallway. ¡°What? Is that?¡± he said. Ash narrowed his eyes. There was a dog standing in the middle of the hallway at the edge of his light. ¡°Bark! Bark. Bark.¡± Ash rubbed his eyes. The dog was gone. ¡°Was that real?¡± he said. *Stomp*Stomp*CRUNCH* Ash stopped. *Deep breathing* He turned. He looked down the other hallway. It was a beast. Shadows played across its skin like ripples on a pond. It was so large that the fickle light of the torch couldn¡¯t even reveal all of it. The monster had a thick shaggy mane that brushed the roof of the corridor. Four clawed legs scratched the stone beneath it. A whiplike tail with a barbed stinger could be seen thrashing behind it. Ash gulped. The yellow slitted eyes of the creature narrowed on him. *gggrrrrrRRRRR¡­.* ¡°run.¡± Ash mumbled. ¡°What was that?¡± Luke asked from behind him. ¡°RUN!¡± Pull 9 Ash, Luke, and Ave sprinted down the hallway. *RRRrroar!* The enormous Shadowbeast pursued them. Its heavy footfalls caused dust to fall from the ceiling of the stone passageway. ¡°Monsters are real!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°I can see that!¡± Luke answered at the top of his voice. ¡°What do we do?¡± ¡°Keep running!¡± # They reached a branching section of the Dungeon corridor. ¡°Horseapples!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°Which way?¡± ¡°Left! No! Correct!¡± Luke wavered. ¡°Did you mean right?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Luke shouted. The Shadowbeast landed with a heavy *Ka-thud* on the stone behind them. The creature flexed its claws. Sharp talons as long as butcher knives extended from its monstrous digits. Ash jumped around in a panic. ¡°Back! Get back you!¡± Ash shouted as loud as he could. He waved his burning torch frantically back and forth in front of the beast. The monster sneered at the fire in front of its nose. It backed up half a step to keep away from the flames. ¡°That¡¯s right! Get back!¡± Ash pressed his luck. The Shadowbeast let out a deafening *ROOOAAARRR!!!* Ash, Luke, and Ave struggled to cover their ears. The monster lifted up one massive paw and swung it at Ash. Luke leapt forward in a flash. He shoved Ash to the side at the last second. Luke grabbed the monster¡¯s paw in mid air with both of his hands. With tremendous effort he held it there. Luke grunted with exertion. Ash and Ave looked on in shock. With a confused *Roar?* the misshapen monster shifted its weight. Luke was pulled off balance. He tripped over and fell right into the beast¡¯s jaws. The fangs of the Shadowbeast closed around Luke¡¯s rib cage. *Snap*Crunch* ¡°Argh!¡± Luke shouted. Luke flailed his arms and kicked his legs. The monster¡¯s teeth were locked tight around this torso like a steel trap. He tried in vain to pry open the creature¡¯s jaw. In desperation he punched it right in the nose. The monster howled in pain. It started shaking Luke left and right in its mouth. After thrashing him back and forth the beast *Growled* and then flung Luke down the hallway. Luke sailed through the air. He hit the ground with a *Thud* and rolled another two meters. The bundle of torches he was holding landed with a clatter beside him. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash shouted in fear. He ran forward. *Click* Ash stopped mid step. He looked down. There was a pressure plate under his foot. He could hear a hissing of air coming from the wall to his side. He froze in place. ¡°Look out!¡± Ave yelled. Ave tackled Ash to the ground. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and twisted her hips as they fell. Using her momentum she angeled their bodies so that they were perpendicular to the wall when they hit the ground. Ave braced herself on her elbows as she landed on top of Ash. She thrust her breastplate above her head so that it was between them and the wall. *Clang*Clang*Pa-tang* There was a clattering sound as a burst of darts shot out of the wall only to be deflected off of the front of her breastplate. Ash looked up at the breastplate that was protecting them. ¡°You saved me!¡± *GrrrROOOAAARRR!* The hulking monstrosity shook the walls of the Dungeon with its roar. ¡°We¡¯re not safe yet.¡± Ave grimaced. She looked down at Ash. ¡°Grab on to me.¡± ¡°Okay!¡± Ash threw his arms around Ave¡¯s torso in a panic. ¡°Now roll.¡± Ave instructed. ¡°Huh?¡± Ash gave her a confused look. ¡°Roll. Roll like your life depends on it!¡± she shouted. With a burst of movement Ave pitched her body to the side. Ash held on for life and kicked with his feet. They switched positions and he rolled on top of Ave. Ave straightened her arms and held her shielding breastplate out in front of them so that it was still facing the wall. As they rolled over there was another *Click* of a pressure plate. Another hail of darts fired from the wall at them. *Clang*Clang* The darts were again deflected off of Ave¡¯s armor. ¡°Keep rolling!¡± she shouted. The two of them continued rolling sideways down the hall. *Click*Click*Click* Each pressure plate they rolled over on the floor shot out another volley of darts over their heads. Finally they reached the end of the trapped section of the hallway. Ash stood up. He helped Ave to her feet and then winced in pain. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°Argh! I rolled on top of some darts.¡± Ash shouted. He twisted his head and looked down at his backside. Several darts were sticking out of the back of his pants. ¡°No time! Keep running.¡± Ave said. She stood up, put pressure on her foot, and winced. ¡°Ahhh! I can feel them moving!¡± Ash gripped his tender cheeks as he ran. The darts bounced. The two of them ran over to where Luke was lying face down on the floor. ¡°Luke. Oh no. Come on buddy. Speak to me.¡± Ash shouted. Ash crouched down and grabbed Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Ahhh¡­ I, I¡¯m alive!¡± Luke rolled over. ¡°What?¡± Ash stood in shock. ¡°Oh no.¡± Luke lifted his shirt up. ¡°My corset is ruined. The seamstresses aren¡¯t going to be happy about this.¡± Luke coughed as he got to his feet. ¡°You idiot. I¡¯m going to kill you myself!¡± Ash shouted. He violently shook Luke¡¯s shoulders. *Roar!* The Shadowbeast stalked closer behind them. ¡°If that thing doesn¡¯t finish you off first.¡± Ash hoped. The beast of shadow moved closer to the group. *Click* One of the pressure plates on the floor activated under its weight. There was a hiss of air from the wall. The creature spun to face the sudden sound. It lowered its shoulders. The tip of its barbed tail speared the wall. Several stone blocks shattered. There was a shower of stone flakes from the wall. The Shadowbeast sneezed and shook its shaggy mane. A cloud of dust scattered in all directions. It blinked its eyes several times then tried to use a giant paw to wipe away the rest of the dust. ¡°I have an idea.¡± Ave said. She held an arm out to the wall to steady herself. ¡°Grab the torches.¡± ¡°I¡¯m on it.¡± Ash said. He ran over and started grabbing torches off of the ground. ¡°Can you stand?¡± Luke said to Ave. Ave twitched her leg. She grimaced. ¡°Yes, but not for long.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯ll carry you.¡± Luke said. Luke stood up. His corset *Popped* several times. Buttons dropped onto the ground as the loose stitching of his undergarment came undone. Ash ran back. ¡°What now?¡± he asked. He held the bundle of torches in his arms. ¡°Drop the torches.¡± Ave said. ¡°All of them?¡± he asked. ¡°Yes.¡± she said. ¡°But I just picked them up.¡± ¡°Make sure the heads are touching.¡± Ave grunted as Luke lifted her into his arms. She held the last lit torch in her hand. Ash crouched down and set the torches on the ground in a pile. ¡°What next?¡± he asked. ¡°Get us down the hallway to the corner.¡± Ave said. ¡°Let¡¯s move.¡± Luke said. The three of them ran down the Dungeon hallway to the corner. ¡°Crouch down here.¡± Ave said. ¡°Try to keep hidden.¡± Ave put one hand up in front of her mouth, then crossed her other hand in front of it at the wrist. she whispered. Ash, Luke, and Ave hid themselves at the corner of the hallway. Luke asked. Ave said. Luke whispered. she replied. # The Shadowbeast shook the last of the stone dust from its eyes. It saw the glimmer of light from the torch shining from somewhere ahead of it. The creature flexed its haunches. It jumped up to give chase. *Stomp*Stomp* *Stomp*Stomp* The monster stopped just in front of the pile of torches. It leaned down and gave the oiled rags a quick *Sniff*. # Luke sucked a lungful of air between his teeth and held his breath. Ave raised the lit torch over her head. She waited. ¡± Ave whispered. Luke sidestepped into the hallway so that Ave could take aim. he whispered. she replied. # The beast¡¯s head snapped up. Its pupils dilated as it saw its prey standing at the corner illuminated by the torchlight. It stepped over the pile of torches on the ground. Ave brought her arm down in a perfect arc and threw. The lit torch sailed through the air end over end. The terrible beast froze in place with surprise. The tip of the flaming torch kissed the top of the pile of its unlit brothers. *Ka-Fwoosh* The oily heads of the torches ignited, sending a huge cloud of mucus melting smoke into the air. *Roooaarr..aarrr¡­grrr¡­gaarrrggg¡­ggllllkkk¡­* Inside the cloud there were sounds of choking and gagging from the monster. Heavy voluminous smoke filled the hallway. ¡°Run!¡± Ave shouted. ¡°I can¡¯t see where we¡¯re going!¡± Ash shouted back. ¡°Follow the wall! Luke shouted. ¡°Maybe we can find the way out.¡± Ash reached out and grabbed one corner of Luke¡¯s shirt. He placed his other hand against the wall. The three of them fled down the pitch black corridor. # *Pitter*Pap* *Pitter*Pap* *Creaaak* Somewhere in the depths of the Dungeon a door opened. There was the *Klunk* and *Rumble* of furniture being moved around. *Puff* A small blue flame appeared out of nowhere. The tip of the flame hovered in the air for a moment before being used to light a candle. The brightness of the candle illuminated an ancient storage room. Tools, crates, and barrels lined the walls. A wine rack and a series of cloth covered shelves were set off to one side. At the center of the room was a small end table about shin high. A single flickering candle had been placed at the center. A tiny foot stool had been pulled up next to the table. *Pitter*Pap* A small white dog hopped onto the stool and sat down. The dog was the size of a loaf of bread. It had white fur that shifted to black at the tips. It had a round face with pointed ears. The dog rubbed one of its temples with a paw. ¡°What a disaster.¡± it mumbled. ¡°This place was supposed to have been abandoned. But now there are people, and monsters! And they¡¯re all running around and getting eaten.¡± The dog slumped against the table. ¡°How did they even get in? I did shut the door? Didn¡¯t I? Of course I did. Oh¡­ this is all too stressful. I need something to help me relax.¡± The miniature mutt clambered down from the stool. *Shuffle*Clatter* ¡°Heave¡­ almost there¡­¡± A red disk the size of a dinner plate was pushed up to the side of the table. With great effort the disk was eventually shoved up onto the top of the table. *Pitter*Pap* The small dog climbed back up onto the bench next to the table. It positioned the red disk in front of itself. ¡°I¡¯ve been waiting a long time for this. This cheese should be perfectly aged by now.¡± The dog licked its chops. It absentmindedly tapped the wax coating on the wheel of cheese on the table. ¡°What a shame. Those adventurers looked very young. I imagine they¡¯ve been eaten by the Shadowbeast by now. But that¡¯s what happens when you explore a Dungeon. It¡¯s not anyone¡¯s fault. It just happens sometimes.¡± The dog shook its head. ¡°Too bad. Really too bad.¡± The fluffy furball pulled out a small silver knife. With a delicate care it sliced through the cheese wheel¡¯s wax seal. Using the knife the canine cut a triangular slice and placed it on the table beside him. *Deeep Sniff* ¡°Oh yes. That¡¯s good. Such a rich aroma.¡± The dog lifted the wedge of cheese to its mouth. It stopped before it took a bite. The dog put the cheese slice back down on the table. ¡°I know what would pair perfectly with this.¡± Hopping off of the bench the dog *Pitter*Paped* its way over to a set of wine racks. ¡°Let¡¯s see¡­ Amber Sunset, no. Champions Loam, no. Bloodwine Bouquet? A morbid name but an excellent vintage.¡± The dog waddled back to the bench with the bottle in between its paws. After sitting back down the dog produced a small silver cup. With a practiced maneuver the dog put one of its paws on the edge of the wine bottle¡¯s cork. *Pop* The canine connoisseur poured a generous helping. It lifted the slice of cheese and took a savory bite. ¡°Here¡¯s to those brave, foolish adventurers.¡± *Siiip¡­* The dog froze in place. It spotted something out of the corner of its eye. At the edge of the candle light Ash, Luke, and Ave crouched in place, sweating, beneath a pile of boxes in the corner of the room. They stared at the dog with wide eyes. Unblinking. The dog stared back. ¡°Uh¡­ bark?¡± Pull 10 ¡°That¡¯s the dog I saw before!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°No I¡¯m not!¡± The dog replied. ¡°Get him!¡± Ash yelled. Ash jumped up and leapt towards the small table. Luke set Ave down on the ground and moved to try and help Ash. The dog scampered under the table. ¡°Don¡¯t let it get away!¡± said Ash. ¡°Ah! Yip yip yip yip yip!¡± The dog yelped away as it tried to hide from the group. The table was pushed to the side. The candle rolled onto the ground. ¡°I¡¯ve got him!¡± Luke said. He slammed his hands together as the dog tried to run between his legs. ¡°Ah no! Release me!¡± The dog squirmed in Luke¡¯s hands. Using its little paws it grabbed a hold of Luke¡¯s thumb. The dog slowly started to open its mouth. Luke gave it a stern look. ¡°Don¡¯t do it.¡± he said. The dog continued to open its mouth wider. ¡°Don¡¯t.¡± Luke repeated. The dog *Chomped!* Luke¡¯s thumb between its teeth. ¡°Ah! Yeowch!¡± Luke dropped the dog and massaged his thumb. The canine hit the ground running and dashed under the bench. ¡°Grab him!¡± Ash yelled. He tried to shove the bench aside. The table flipped over. The bottle sitting on top of the table rolled off and spilled wine all over the ground. The candle was extinguished. *Pitter*Pap* ¡°Where did he go?¡± Ash asked in the darkness. ¡°I can¡¯t see anything.¡± Luke said back. ¡°What the moons was that?¡± Ave asked. ¡°That was the dog. The dog I saw earlier. I thought I was imagining it. But I think it was leading us deeper into the dungeon.¡± Ash said. ¡°I still can¡¯t see anything.¡± Luke said. *Ba-clunk* ¡°Ow, my knee.¡± Luke hooted in the pitch black room. ¡°Bring me the candle. I can light it.¡± Ave said. *Click*Click* The candle spread its soft nimbus of light once again. Ave put her striker back in a pocket. ¡°I don¡¯t see anyone.¡± Luke said. He bent down and picked up the cheese and the wine bottles. He straightened up the table and put them back on top. ¡°Where could he have gone?¡± Ash looked around in confusion. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. ¡°What was it?¡± Ave asked. She eased herself down onto the bench. ¡°It was a talking dog.¡± said Ash. ¡°Some kind of Shadowbeast?¡± Ave looked at Luke. Luke pushed back his bangs. ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of Shadowbeasts being able to talk. None of the old legends ever mentioned anything like that.¡± ¡°Maybe it¡¯s a different kind.¡± Ave mused. ¡°I don¡¯t see it anywhere. Maybe it ran away?¡± Luke conveyed. ¡°Wait one second.¡± Ash angled his eyebrows in anxiety. ¡°Why are there two wine bottles on the table?¡± The three of them looked at the table. ¡°Were there not two bottles before?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I picked two up off the ground.¡± Luke said. *Shush* Ash held up a finger. He picked up one of the wine bottles. ¡°Warm, dark glass, smells like alcohol.¡± He set the bottle down. He picked up the other bottle. ¡°Warm again, smells like alcohol.¡± Ash squinted. The label on the bottle had a picture of a dog. ¡°Luke bring me that candle.¡± Ash said. Luke handed Ash the candle. Ash held the candle next to the wine bottle. ¡°Hold on. You¡¯re not going to¡­¡± Luke looked concerned. A bead of condensation ran down the neck of the bottle. ¡°Burn the bottle? No, no, no. Of course not.¡± Ash said. The bottle relaxed. ¡°I¡¯m going to burn the cheese.¡± Ash held the burning wick of the candle out to the edge of the cheese wheel. *Doggy-poof* ¡°No! You can¡¯t!¡± The wine bottle transformed into a dog in Ash¡¯s arms. ¡°That cheese was aged for two years in ideal conditions.¡± The dog yelled. The dog wiggled out of Ash¡¯s grasp and dodge rolled onto the table. It put all four of its little paws around the cheese wheel and curled up to protect the cheese with its body. ¡°It¡¯s real.¡± Ave stared at the creature on the table. ¡°What is it?¡± Luke crouched down. Ash, Luke, and Ave crouched leaned over to get a better look. The dog rolled over. It tried to shield itself with the cheese wheel. ¡°I¡¯m just a normal dog that learned how to talk.¡± it said. ¡°Why do you have bat wings?¡± Ash pointed. There were two miniature bat wings the size of a pinky finger poking out of the dog¡¯s fluffy back between its shoulder blades. ¡°For flying of course.¡± The dog shot back. *Confusion* The dog peeked out from behind the cheese wheel. ¡°Dogs don¡¯t fly do they? I keep forgetting that.¡± It looked annoyed at its own forgetfulness. ¡°Look I don¡¯t want any trouble. Just leave me alone.¡± The dog cowered under its shield of coagulated milk. Ash pointed a finger. ¡°Did you call that monster to attack us?¡± ¡°No! I was trying to tell you to go away!¡± said the Dog. ¡°With barking?¡± ¡°I get nervous around new people.¡± Ave reached out and gently put her hands around the dog¡¯s midsection. ¡°Come here.¡± She carefully pulled it onto her lap. ¡°We¡¯re not going to hurt you. We only want to know what¡¯s going on. Can you tell us what¡¯s happening? Please?¡± She patted down the fur between the curious canine¡¯s ears. ¡°I was just minding my own business. Trying to have a snack. You¡¯re the ones who burst in here and attacked me.¡± The dog defended. ¡°Sorry. We weren¡¯t trying to scare you.¡± Ave said. ¡°We¡¯re the ones who should be terrified of¡­¡± Ash pointed at the dog. ¡°Whatever this is.¡± ¡°Is there a reason that you¡¯re petting me?¡± The dog asked. ¡°Sorry. You¡¯re just so fluffy. I couldn¡¯t help myself. I¡¯ll stop.¡± Ave replied. ¡°I didn¡¯t say you had to stop.¡± The dog repositioned itself on her lap. The peculiar pooch looked around the room at the others. It took a few quick test licks off of the cheese disc. ¡°I suppose that there¡¯s no point in hiding it anymore.¡± said the perplexing pup. It stood up on its hind legs and placed one forepaw against its chest. ¡°I am Eins the great and powerful. I am what you mortals would call a god.¡± Eins held out its paw. ¡°You may worship me as you see fit.¡± Ash and Luke looked at each other. Ave continued to scritch the dog¡¯s ears. ¡°I don¡¯t mean to offend you, but you¡¯re not very big for a god.¡± Luke said. ¡°This is just a disguise. I have taken this form to prevent your mortal minds from¡­ falling apart. If I showed you my true form you would be driven insane.¡± Eins took a few more licks off of the cheese wheel. Pull 11 ¡°You¡¯re a god?¡± Ash looked at the dog with *EXTREME SKEPTICISM*. ¡°That¡¯s what I said.¡± Eins replied. /[¡®o¡¯]\ ¡°I don¡¯t believe you.¡± Ash quipped. ¡°Well I don¡¯t care. It¡¯s the truth.¡± Eins went back to chewing on the edge of the cheese wheel. ¡°It is¡­ a little hard to believe.¡± Ave wondered. ¡°I believe him.¡± Luke said. ¡°Why?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Look at him. Why would he lie about that?¡± Luke countered. ¡°For any number of reasons. Just because he says he¡¯s a god doesn¡¯t mean he¡¯s actually a god. He could be trying to trick us.¡± Ash explained. ¡°Even if he¡¯s trying to trick us, that doesn¡¯t mean that he¡¯s not telling the truth.¡± Luke conjectured. ¡°What?¡± Ash confessed in confusion. ¡°Oh my heavens. You guys. Look! His little paw pads are shaped like bat wings.¡± Ave interjected. Ave lifted one of the dog¡¯s paws up. The metacarpal pad beneath the digits was shaped like a silhouette of a bat with its wings spread. (VV) Eins ignored this attention and concentrated on unpeeling the wax from the wheel of cheese it was holding. ¡°You guys can doubt all you want. But he¡¯s still a talking dog! That¡¯s a pretty big deal by itself.¡± Luke said. ¡°Enough of this. Bring me another candle.¡± Eins exclaimed. ¡°I shall show you some of my magnificent power.¡± Luke found another candle in the room. He passed it over to Eins. ¡°Behold my incredible abilities.¡± Eins proclaimed. The dog pursed its lips. *Puff*Puff* A sizzling ball of blue fire appeared in the air in front of the dog''s snout. Eins kissed the flickering flame to the warm wick of the candle. Eins placed the now lit candle down onto the table. ¡°What do you think of that?¡± The dog crossed its forepaws over its chest and looked around. *Self Satisfaction* ¡°All you did was light a candle.¡± Ash said. ¡°I can control fire!¡± said Eins. ¡°Yeah. But all you really did was light a candle. We can do that.¡± Ash continued. *Sniff*Sniff* ¡°It smells like burning alcohol.¡± Ave added. ¡°That¡¯s coincidental.¡± *Ka-Burp* Eins belched and produced a small burst of blue flame. The dog reached over and took a *Sip* from the silver cup on the table. ¡°That¡¯s strange. Must be the air in the dungeon.¡± Eins said. Luke cracked open another cheese wheel. A rich aroma filled the room. ¡°This stuff is pretty good.¡± He said. Luke carved a slice from the wheel. He took a big bite. ¡°Isn¡¯t it?¡± Eins agreed. Luke brought the cheese over to the table. Eins wiggled a little in anticipation. Luke began chopping up slices for the others. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Ave ate hers in between taking sips from one of the opened wine bottles. Ash took a bite from a corner. ¡°It¡¯s okay I guess.¡± Eins nibbled voraciously on the slice in front of it. ¡°Nonsense. This is some of the best in the Kingdom. You won¡¯t find better cheese even in the Capital.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never been to the Capital.¡± Ash said. Eins quickly looked Ash up and down. ¡°I never would have guessed.¡± ¡°Where did all of this come from?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Where did what come from?¡± Eins de-clarified. ¡°The cheese. But also all the rest of this stuff.¡± Eins waved a paw at the piles of materials in the corners of the room. ¡°Most of this is leftovers from long ago. The cheese is different. I brought that here myself.¡± ¡°Why would you bring cheese to a Dungeon?¡± Luke asked. Eins spoke around an entire wedge of cheese that it had wedged into its mouth. ¡°No one comes into this donjon. There¡¯s no safer place for it.¡± *Nom*Nom*Nom* ¡°In a Dungeon?¡± Luke said. ¡°That¡¯s right. A donjon.¡± Eins took another *Sip* to wash down the parmesan. ¡°These donjons are filled with traps and secret passages. We designed them to be the most secure locations in the world.¡± ¡°You did?¡± Ash looked up. *Thud*Slam* ¡°What was that noise?¡± Eins asked. *Ka-Thud*Ka-Slam* The ground shook. A sprinkle of dust fell from the ceiling in the small room that they were hiding in. Luke looked around nervously. ¡°That was probably the Shadowbeast that was chasing us before.¡± # Eins dropped its tiny cup. ¡°It¡¯s still chasing you? Why didn¡¯t you kill it?¡± ¡°What? No! How were we supposed to do that?¡± Ash sputtered. ¡°But aren¡¯t the three of you adventurers?¡± The dog asked. ¡°No! Why would you think that?¡± ¡°Because you look exactly like adventurers.¡± He pointed his paw at each of them in turn. ¡°Look at you. You came into a donjon. You were joking about traps and monsters. You didn¡¯t show any hesitation when you found the secret passage. Also you came in from the east entrance.¡± ¡°Why does that matter?¡± asked Luke. ¡°That entrance leads to Star Town. A town that is well known for being full of adventurers.¡± said Eins. ¡°But we¡¯re not adventurers.¡± Luke reaffirmed. ¡°Then why did you come inside the donjon!?¡± Eins yelled. ¡°Why did you?¡± Eins held some cheddar between his paws and waved it for exaggeration. ¡°I came to get some cheese!¡± ¡°How did it even find us?¡± Ave wondered. ¡°It¡¯s a Manticore. They have an excellent sense of smell. It probably followed the stench of your dirty clothes. *Sniff* Have you been riding horses?¡± ¡°No, they ran away. Are you sure it wasn¡¯t something else?¡± Ash looked down at the lumps of cheese on the table. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare blame this on the cheese!¡± Eins snarled. ¡°Dairy products are innocent. Oh dear. This is bad. What if it finds us.¡± Eins folded its ears down. Ave picked up Eins and turned the dog around so it was facing her.¡°Hold on, you said east entrance earlier.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Eins wiggled. ¡°Does that mean there¡¯s another entrance, or exit, somewhere else?¡± ¡°Of course. All donjons have multiple entry points to allow for people to escape.¡± Eins barked. *Ka-Slam* The ground shook once more. ¡°Where¡¯s the closest exit?¡± asked Ave. ¡°The west passage.¡± said Eins. ¡°Can we get out that way?¡± Eins pointed to one side of the room. There was a door on that side. ¡°That door leads to the west exit. If we follow the tunnel down it¡¯s only a few hundred meters to the outside.¡± ¡°Ash. Torches?¡± Luke stood up. ¡°On it.¡± Ash said. Another bundle of torches fell to the ground as they materialized in front of Ash. The torches were lit and passed around. *Cough*Cough* Eins held its paws over its nose. ¡°The smoke from these torches is¡­ rather thick.¡± Eins whined. ¡°Are you complaining?¡± Ash retorted. ¡°No, I''m not complaining. I¡¯m just¡­ making an observation is all.¡± *Cough*Cough* Ave stood up. She winced as she put pressure on her leg. She held up her torch and looked at the others. ¡°Here¡¯s the plan. We¡¯ll quickly sneak out the west exit.¡± She pointed at Eins. ¡°You lead the way.¡± ¡°You¡­ want me to come with you?¡± Eins tilted its head. ¡°Yes. We need your help to escape.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t think I would be much help.¡± Eins rubbed its paws together. ¡°Would you rather stay here with the monster?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Ahhh, no.¡± Eins shivered. ¡°Come on Eins. Help us out and we¡¯ll get you a whole plate of cheese when we get out of here.¡± Eins danced on two legs. ¡°Oooh. I would like that.¡± Ave held up her torch and nodded to the others. ¡°Okay. Everyone else stay low and move quietly. Once we¡¯re outside we get away from here as fast as we can. If we¡¯re lucky that beast will have no idea where we¡¯ve gone.¡± The western wall *EXPLODED* With an earsplitting *GRawROOAARR* the Shadowbeast *Smashed* its way through the wall into the room the party was hiding in. Pull 12 Dust showered down from the ceiling as the wall exploded. The room was filled with clouds of powder and sand. Luke jumped up. He brushed some splinters out of his hair. His torch had rolled away somewhere. The table in the center of the room had fallen over again. The candles were flickering on the floor. In the darkness of the room the beastly shadow of the shadowed beast cast a darkened outline on the obscuring clouds. The creature sneezed from the dust. It turned its massive head left and right. It was looking for them. Luke scurried over a pile of loose stones. ¡°Ash! Ave! Where are you?¡± He called. ¡°Over here.¡± Said Ash. He pushed a few loose rocks out of his way. Ave groaned. ¡°Chattering chestnuts, I landed on my left ankle again.¡± She twisted herself out from under the debris. Ash held up his still lit torch. The giant form of the Manticore twisted in the smoke. ¡°It looks really angry.¡± Ash said. ¡°We should get out of here.¡± Luke replied. ¡°Help me up.¡± Ave said from the pile of stones she was laying on top of. Luke picked Ave up. She put an arm over his shoulder. ¡°Over here.¡± Eins shouted. The tiny dog was *Scratching* at the door on the far side of the room. Ash, Luke, and Ave made their way to the door. Ash pushed the door open and helped Ave through. She leaned against the wall on the other side. *Crunch* The Shadowbeast stepped through the smoke. It¡¯s eyes locked on Ash and Luke. The monster started to move towards them. Ash looked around in a panic. ¡°Luke! The shelves!¡± Ash pointed to several nearby shelves that were packed with wine bottles. ¡°Got it!¡± Luke yelled. Luke quickly hopped to the side of the shelves. He grabbed a hold of the shelf closest to the wall and pushed. There was the *Creak* of wood and the *Clatter* glass as the shelf tipped on its feet. With a *Thunk*Thunk*Thunk* the first shelf toppled into the next shelf, then the next, then the next. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s a waste of good wine.¡± Eins whined. With a thunderingly expensive *CRASH* the line of shelves toppled onto the Shadowbeast. The monster was knocked to the ground. Glass bottles and wood shelves broke apart and filled the room. The beast started fighting to free itself. ¡°Come here.¡± Ash grabbed Eins. ¡°What are you doing?¡± the dog asked. Ash held the dog up so that they were facing each other. ¡°You wanted us to kill that thing so now you¡¯re going to help us. Can you make fire!?¡± Ash demanded. ¡°I can¡¯t do it on command!¡± Eins eschewed. The dog''s back legs kicked the air. ¡°I thought it was one of your godly special abilities!?¡± ¡°It is but I need energy to make it happen!¡± Ash grabbed a chunk of gouda off of a shelf. ¡°Will this do?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Then open wide!¡± Ash served up the cheese to the dog on the palm of his hand. ¡°Oh, this is a waste of good gouda.¡± Eins gobbled the cheese as fast as it could. The dog¡¯s cheeks puffed out. Crumbs covered its lips. There was a *Gurgle* from Eins¡¯ stomach. ¡°Ugh¡­*Burp* Eins held a paw in front of its mouth. The fur around its face turned slightly green. ¡°Get ready. Here it comes¡­¡± Ash turned around and pointed the dog like a balloon at the heap of wood, glass, alcohol, and monster on the other side of the room. *Belch¡­ Ka-FWOOOOSH!* A cheese powered lance of blue green flame erupted from the dog¡¯s mouth. Ash held on to the dog¡¯s midsection as a rush of hot air filled the cramped space. The flame jet arced through the air and bathed the trapped Manticore in cheese flavored fire. The wine soaked wooden shelves *Conflagrated* like matchsticks. A shockwave of rapidly expanding hot air exploded. Ash and Eins rolled backwards out of the room to escape the blast. Luke slammed the door shut behind them. He put his back against the frame. ¡°Do you think that got it?¡± Luke hoped. *GrrraaaRRRoooaaarrr* ¡°Guess not.¡± Luke frowned. Eins danced nervously from paw to paw. ¡°This is bad. We¡¯re on the wrong side of the donjon. The west exit was on the other side.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the closest one to us right now?¡± Ash asked. Eins eyes darted back and forth for a second. ¡°The north exit. That¡¯s the closest one.¡± ¡°Can we make it?¡± ¡°Yes but¡­¡± ¡°But what?¡± ¡°I know I can make it. But you mortals might have a problem.¡± Eins¡¯ ears twitched. ¡°Why is that?¡± ¡°The north exit hasn¡¯t been used in a long time. There aren¡¯t any villages nearby. No adventurers. Some of the passages are trapped. And those traps will possibly, maybe still be active.¡± Eins conceded. ¡°Can you disarm them?¡± Ash pressed. *Ka-Slam* The wall behind them cracked. ¡°We don¡¯t have time. We could run to the east entrance. That¡¯s where you came in. But it is farther away.¡± Eins used one of its back legs to scratch an itch. *Ka-Slam* The door behind Luke vibrated. Ave propped herself on her elbow on the ground. ¡°Is there a safe path through? To the north exit?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Some of the paths are safe.¡± Eins nodded. ¡°Do you know which ones?¡± Eins made a frowny face. ¡°Sorry. I don¡¯t remember. The traps don¡¯t trigger for a creature my size. I can walk right through.¡± Ash gripped the handle of the torch he was holding. ¡°Ash!¡± Luke shouted. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Ash looked back. ¡°Take Ave and run. I¡¯ll hold it back.¡± Luke said. Ash¡¯s knuckles turned white. Eins looked at the ground. Ave¡¯s mouth made a thin line. *Ka-Slam* A piece of rock fell from the ceiling. It bounced off of the stone floor below with a *Tick* sound. Ash looked down. ¡°Not today!¡± he yelled. ¡°What?¡± Luke asked in confusion. ¡°If I¡¯m going to save the world then I¡¯m going to have to save us first. You grab Ave and follow me.¡± He pointed at Eins. ¡°You¡¯re with me. Lead us to the north exit. Use the shortest route possible.¡± ¡°What about the traps?¡± The dog tilted its head to the side. Ash held out a hand. There was the *Snap*Crackle*Pop* of energy. A pile of marbles appeared in his palm. ¡°I¡¯ll take care of them.¡± Ash declared. # Ash and Eins ran side by side down the dark hallway of the Dungeon. Luke followed close behind with Ave. Ash held a torch in one hand and the marbles in his other. ¡°Turn right here!¡± Eins barked. The group turned right at a branching hallway. ¡°Keep going straight.¡± They kept running. There was a massive *Ka-Smash*. ¡°Sounds like our friend destroyed another wall.¡± Ave said as she peeked over Luke¡¯s shoulder. There was a dim glow coming from the corridor behind them. *Stomp*Stomp*Stomp* The Shadowbeast lunged around the corner. It was rushing at full speed after them. Tongues of fire licked at the edge of the beast¡¯s shaggy mane. Its flame cracked lips parted revealing rows of blackened fangs. Ash glanced back. ¡°Great. Now it¡¯s chasing us while it¡¯s on fire!¡± Ash yelled. ¡°At least we can see better now.¡± Luke observed. *Sniff* ¡°Does it smell delicious to anyone else?¡± Ave asked. *Sniff*Sniff* ¡°The smell of roasted cheese and boiled wine. I would be hungry if we weren¡¯t fleeing for our lives.¡± Eins remarked. *Tick* Ash threw a marble into the hallway ahead of them. *Tick* He threw another. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Luke yelled as he ran. ¡°Quiet. No talking. I need to concentrate.¡± Ash called back. He squinted his eyes and threw another marble. *Tick* *Tick* *Tac* Ash¡¯s eyes shot open. ¡°A trap!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°Where?¡± Luke asked. ¡°About four meters ahead. One the left. Run to the right.¡± Ash shouted. ¡°My right or¡­¡± Luke wavered. ¡°Just move!¡± Ash shoved Luke to the side. The group shifted to the right side of the corridor as they ran. Eins bounded along next to Ash. ¡°I see. You¡¯re throwing marbles to detect the traps.¡± Eins barked at him. ¡°The pressure plates make a different sound compared to the normal Dungeon floor stones.¡± Ash barked back. ¡°How did you figure that out?¡± Eins asked. ¡°I stepped on one earlier.¡± Ash looked back over his shoulder. ¡°That Shadowbeast is still behind us. Maybe the trap will slow it down?¡± # There was a *Click* as the Shadowbeast landed on the pressure plate. A large scything blade swung out from the wall. With a *Roar* the beast opened its mouth and then bit down on the blade. The blade *Cracked* and *Shattered*. The monster spit out the leftover chunks of metal onto the ground. ¡°Nope.¡± Eins remarked. ¡°Keep running!¡± Ash shouted. He threw another marble. # ¡°Light!¡± Ave yelled. ¡°I can see light ahead.¡± ¡°It must be the north entrance to the donjon.¡± Eins panted as it ran. ¡°We¡¯re almost there. *Wheeze* Just a little further.¡± Ash struggled to breathe, talk, run, listen, and throw marbles at the same time. *Tick* *Tick* *Tac* ¡°Another trap.¡± Ash noticed. He threw another marble. *Tac* ¡°A big one.¡± *Tac* ¡°Really big! Get ready. *Wheeze* We¡¯re going to have to jump!¡± Ash shouted. The Shadowbeast pounded the ground behind them. They ran faster. ¡°I¡¯m not going to make it!¡± Eins barked. ¡°Huh?¡± Ash looked down at the dog. Eins flapped his paws. ¡°My little legs aren¡¯t meant for jumping.¡± ¡°What about your wings?¡± Ash asked. ¡°They¡¯re not big enough! They¡¯re just for show!¡± The dog wailed. ¡°Donkey balls!¡± Ash cursed. He dropped the rest of his marbles on the ground. With his free hand he performed a running scoop. He slapped a hand on Eins¡¯ bottom, then lifted and tucked the dog under his arm like a kickball. Eins whimpered but didn¡¯t complain out loud. ¡°I can see it.¡± Ave said ¡±There¡¯s a section of raised flooring ahead. Almost three meters across.¡± ¡°We can make it.¡± Luke cheered. ¡°That¡¯s right *Wheeze*¡± Ash groaned. ¡°Ready!... Jump!¡± They jumped. Luke soared through the air. His powerful legs stretched out in front and behind him with perfect poise. With a *Slam* he hit the ground on the far side of the trap. Luke braced his legs and absorbed the impact keeping Ave held protectively in his arms. Ash landed in the middle of the trap. There was a *Click* as the false floor of the trap fell open beneath him. The two panels swung apart to the sides revealing a square pit as wide as the corridor. Ash tried desperately to run on air. Like a duck taking off from water. In a final act of desperation he pulled his arm back then underhand pitched Eins onto the safe side of the trap. The last of his momentum carried him a few more meters. Ash slammed into the wall on the far side of the pit. He felt the wind go out of his lungs. He started to fall. Like an eagle¡¯s talon Luke¡¯s hand snatched out and grabbed Ash¡¯s wrist. ¡°I¡¯ve got you.¡± Luke acclaimed. Luke was balanced at his middle over the edge of the pit. His arms and torso were hanging down into the pit so that he could grab hold of Ash. His legs formed a ninety degree angle at his waist allowing him to ¡®pinch¡¯ the corner of the pit with his stomach and thighs. ¡°You need to stop falling in pits.¡± Luke said in jest. ¡°This is the last time. I swear.¡± Ash snarked back. *Grrraaawwwaaarrr* A menacing orange glow appeared at the far end of the corridor. The Manticore prowled towards them, picking up speed. ¡°It¡¯s still chasing us!?¡± Ash cried out in annoyance. ¡°You two should really get out of that pit.¡± Eins said. The dog hopped in fear at the edge of the hole. Luke tried to lift Ash up. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. Luke¡¯s legs twitched with exertion. ¡°Crapsnagglers.¡± He cursed. ¡°I¡¯ve got no leverage. Ave can you pull him up?¡± Ave rolled to the edge of the pit. She reached out a hand. ¡°You¡¯re too far over. Can you pull him up closer?¡± she said. Luke tried again. There was a *Scrape* sound. One of Luke¡¯s boots slid closer to the pit. Ave grabbed his belt to prevent him from moving any further. ¡°I don¡¯t have a good grip.¡± Luke frowned. The Shadowbeast *Stomp*Stomped* its way closer. ¡°We¡¯re out of time. I have an idea.¡± Luke said. Luke looked Ash in the eyes. He tightened his grip around Ash¡¯s forearm. ¡°I¡¯m going to swing you.¡± He said. ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± Ash pleaded. ¡°Here we go!¡± Luke exclaimed. Luke began swinging Ash back and forth. Ash tried his best to kick his feet out as he bounced along the stone wall of the trap shaft. With each pendulous pivot Ash was pushed further towards the rim of the perilous pit. Ash stretched out a hand. He could almost reach the edge of the floor above. The Shadowbeast was upon them! *Grawr* *Stomp* *Leap* Luke and Ash both watched as the Shadowbeast soared over the open hole towards them. With a final massive heave Luke swung Ash up to the edge of the pit. Ash grabbed on for his dear sweet cherished life. The creature¡¯s claws *Slammed* into the wall of the shaft just below the boys. It held for a second. Its massive jaws snapping at Ash¡¯s feet. With an ear piercing *Scrrreee* the monster slid down the wall. Its claws gouged deep gashes in the sides of the stone pit. Gravity finally claimed its prize. The giant monster tumbled from the side of the wall into the pit below. *R O O O A A A R R R ¡­* *thud* A dark lingering smoke began to fill the bottom of the trap. Ave helped Luke and Ash back up. Ash scrambled over the top. He flattened out on the floor. Ash panted for air. Luke pulled himself up afterwards. He absentmindedly brushed his bangs away from his face. ¡°You got *Wheeze* strong in the Capital.¡± Ash said. ¡°I did a lot of heavy reading.¡± Luke mimed opening and closing a book. ¡°Dancing too. Also tea parties.¡± ¡°Heh heh¡­¡± ¡°Ha ha¡­¡± ¡°Let¡¯s never do that again.¡± Ash said. ¡°Agreed. No more dungeons.¡± Luke agreed. Pull 13 Rain poured down from the heavens. Ash stepped over a tree root. He pushed a branch to the side as he walked through the water soaked woods. ¡°I don¡¯t see anything.¡± Ash shouted to no one in particular. The boy held a rain slicker over his head. Another one was draped over his shoulders. There were holes in each of them. Ash kept shifting the slickers to try and make the coverage line up. ¡°Let¡¯s keep going.¡± Luke yelled from behind him. Luke was carrying Ave on his back with his hands under her legs. Just like Ash they were covered with a patchwork collection of slickers. Ave held a tattered slicker out over Luke¡¯s head with her arms. She made sure to leave enough room for Eins who was sitting on Luke¡¯s shoulder under the sheet. ¡°There has to be a road around her somewhere.¡± Luke hoped. ¡°Should we turn around?¡± Ash looked back at the twisted woods around them. The forest was filled with primeval trees. Thick bushes and creepers covered the ground. Rain dripped off of the canopy of leaves into muddy pools of water below. Ash shifted his slicker again. ¡°We could spend the night in the Dungeon.¡± Luke stopped walking under a nearby tree. Ave shook some of the water off of the slicker. ¡°The rain is coming down hard.¡± Ave said. ¡°The Dungeon is probably flooded by now.¡± Luke looked up. ¡°If only we could see the sky. We need to find a village or something. Ave needs medical attention.¡± ¡°I hope we find someplace to shelter soon.¡± Eins whined as the dog crouched on top of Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°This rain is going to give me a chill. My fur is starting to get wet.¡± ¡°Are you sure you want to come with us?¡± Ave said as she readjusted the slicker over their heads. ¡°I would feel really bad if after wandering into a hidden section of the donjon, being chased by a monster, and then avoiding all those traps, you died from falling into a mud puddle in the rain. I atleast want to make sure that you all find some shelter.¡± said Eins. Luke sniffled. ¡°Can you use magic? Can you summon things? Maybe you could summon us some shelter?¡± ¡°No¡­ I can¡¯t really do that. Gods can¡¯t use magic the same way that humans can.¡± Eins shivered. ¡°I know! I¡¯ll dig you a hole. You can use it for shelter.¡± Eins leapt down off of Luke¡¯s shoulder. The dog started rapidly digging in the wet earth. Mud splattered across Ash and Luke¡¯s legs. After a few seconds Eins was panting from the effort and sitting in a six centimeter deep pit. As Eins sat there the depression quickly filled with rainwater. Eins frowned at the muddy water. ¡°Oh¡­ I know! I¡¯ll light you a fire. Then you can dry your clothes.¡± Eins scampered over to a bunch of wet leaves that were sitting on the ground. Eins pushed the leaves together into a pile, then breathed out a tiny breath of flame onto the pile. The leaves sizzled, then extinguished. Eins tried again. The damp kindling stubbornly refused to light. ¡°Ah, I see¡­ I know! I¡¯ll use my keen sense of smell to guide you out of these woods. Follow me!¡± The confident canine pointed their snout into the air. *Sniff*Sniff* Eins turned in a circle. *Sniff*Sniiff* Eins paced to the left, then to the right, then back to the starting position. *Sniff*Snnniiifff* Raindrops splashed directly into Eins¡¯ nose. The dog yelped and rolled on the ground trying to clear its sinus cavities. Eventually Eins gave up and laid down. Mucus leaked out of the dog¡¯s soggy snout. Eins sniffled. ¡°That¡¯s the saddest thing I¡¯ve ever seen.¡± said Ash. ¡°What was that?¡± Eins whimpered. ¡°I said I love the smell of wet dog.¡± Ash said louder. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m not a real dog. I mean, I am, it¡¯s what I look like, but it¡¯s not what I am. Not really, not exactly.¡± ¡°Oh no. I believe you. Real dogs are friendly, and loyal, and they don¡¯t lead us into dangerous monster infested Dungeons.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°That was a miscommunication. I told you I thought you were adventurers.¡± ¡°Well we¡¯re not. Not really, not exactly. Get it?¡± Ash complained. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I get it. Real adventurers would be so poorly prepared. ¡®Real¡¯ adventurers wouldn¡¯t get lost in the woods.¡± Eins barked. Ash gripped the edges of his rain slicker. ¡°Some god you turned out to be. You¡¯re nothing more than a complete waste of-¡± ¡°Ash, that¡¯s enough.¡± said Luke. Ash stopped. He stared at the ground. Eins shivered in the mud. Rain fell around them in an endless torrent. Ash tromped over and picked Eins up. He placed the dog back on Luke¡¯s shoulder. Mud dribbled down Luke¡¯s shirt. ¡°Watch what you¡¯re doing. You made a mess.¡± said Eins. ¡°I made a mess!?¡± Ash blurted. ¡°And look at that. Now Luke¡¯s face is all wet again. Wait no. *Lick*Lick* These are tears. Look at what you¡¯ve done. You made Luke cry.¡± ¡°Luke are you alright?¡± Ave asked from over Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Yeah. Sorry. It¡¯s just¡­¡± Luke paused. ¡°I used to have a dog. His name was Skips. My father got him for me as a gift. I think. He might have won him in a poker game. But then I had to leave, and I went to the Capital, and all these things happened, and then I came back and he was dead, and it¡¯s all hitting me right now.¡± Luke stood perfectly still in the rain. Water dripped down his face from the holes in the rain slick covering. Eins chewed a paw. Ave shook the rain slicker. Ash shifted his feet. ¡°Why don¡¯t I carry Eins for a little bit?¡± Ash offered. Luke didn¡¯t say anything. Ash reached over and picked the dog up off of Luke¡¯s shoulder. He put Eins under his arm. Ash pulled his mismatched rain slickers tighter and tried to keep the holes from moving too much. ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ let¡¯s keep moving. There has to be a road around here somewhere.¡± Ash started walking again. Rain poured down from the dark clouds overhead. # ¡°...hhhnnn¡­¡± Ash stopped. Ein¡¯s ears perked up from underneath the slicker. Ash scanned the woods around them. He whispered to the dog in his arms. Eins replied. Eins¡¯ eyes glazed over. *In the distance* ¡°...hhhnnn¡­¡± Ash hushed. Eins agreed. The two of them stared into the dark sheet of rain that masked the forest. In between the raindrops they could barely make out the shape of a creature coming towards them. It had a large bulky body. As it moved through the bushes a long flexible tail curled back and forth. As the tail moved they could see it had a pointed tip. ¡°No way!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°It¡¯s still alive!?¡± Eins questioned. ¡°What? What¡¯s going on? What¡¯s still alive?¡± Ave tried to peek past Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s the Manticore. I think it crawled out of the pit.¡± Ash said. ¡°No way.¡± Ave said. ¡°That¡¯s what I said.¡± Ash assented. *Through the rain* ¡°...hhhnnn¡­ ¡­hhhnnnKKK¡­¡± The dark shape began shaking violently. It moved closer to the group. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here!¡± Ash shouted. He turned and ran. Ash stopped and looked back. ¡°Luke!¡± He hollered. ¡°Huh?¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°The monster is back. We need to go.¡± ¡°Right.¡± Luke shifted his grip to make sure Ave was secure. Then he started to run. Rain hammered down from the angry skies. # *Crunch*Crack* The group pushed their way through a tangle of undergrowth. ¡°Is it still behind us?¡± Luke asked. Ash spun around. He had dropped some of the rain slickers he was using. Water matted his hair to his face. ¡°I can¡¯t see anything. Maybe it¡¯s gone.¡± Ash prayed. ¡°Hhhhhhnnnnnn¡­ HHHNNNKK¡± The booming noise echoed through the woods around them. ¡°Where is that coming from?¡± Ash spun in place. ¡°I don¡¯t like how close that sounded.¡± Luke feared. ¡°Does anyone else taste copper?¡± Eins licked the air. *Crack-a-THOOM* Lightning lanced overhead. There was an *Explosion* of wooden splinters as a tree was blasted by the thunderbolt. ¡°What is happening?¡± Luke screamed. ¡°I think the woods are trying to kill us!¡± Ash cried out. Eins shook Ash¡¯s face between its paws. ¡°No more talking. Just run!¡± Ash and Luke started sprinting through the woods with their respective passengers. *Kaboom* Another tree exploded. *Hiss-fizzle* An unknown green substance melted the branch off of a different tree. Something *Shattered* close by. A thick acrid smoke curled across the ground. The group continued their escape. # With a *Crash* of twigs and leaves Ash and Luke smashed their way through the abrupt end of the treeline. A large clearing of grassland stretched out around them. They collapsed onto their knees. Ash panted for air. Luke looked back into the woods. ¡°I don¡¯t see it. Maybe we got away?¡± Luke said. He scanned the trees for any sign of movement. ¡°Ahem¡± Ash and Luke turned. In the dim halflight of the rainstorm a figure was silhouetted against the sky. The figure menacingly pointed a long stick at the group with the promise of explicit accusation. ¡°What are you doing in my woods?¡± Pull 14 Ash and Luke looked at each other. They looked back at the figure that was threatening them with a wicker crutch. ¡°We were being chased by a monster. It was running after us in the woods.¡± Luke offered. ¡°What happened to it?¡± The figure asked. ¡°The monster?¡± Ash inquired. ¡°Yes, the monster.¡± The figure retorted. ¡°Uh, it died. I think. At least it stopped chasing us.¡± Ash concluded. The figure put down her crosse. ¡°Great. Then you can leave.¡± She gestured off into the distance with her stick. ¡°Road should be over that way.¡± The figure turned to start walking away. ¡°Wait. Please¡­¡± Luke took a step forward. The figure paused. ¡°Please help us. We¡¯re injured. We¡¯re tired. And¡­ it¡¯s all my fault.¡± Luke¡¯s head dropped. The woman was taller than average. She was dressed in black overcoat that flared out at the bottom. She wore a wide brimmed hat that had a number of chemical burns on it. Her face was concealed by a leather mask and forge goggles. The stick in her hand had a woven wicker pocket at one end. She advanced down the hill. The woman made easy strides even on the wet grass. When she was less than a meter from Luke she suddenly stopped. The handle of the crosse in her hand shot out and *Thumped* Luke right in the sternum. Luke *Coughed* at the sudden impact. ¡°I told you to get lost.¡± The Acrid Apostate said through her teeth. Luke sucked in a hasty lungful of air. ¡°And I told you¡­ we need help.¡± ¡°Not my problem pretty boy.¡± said the woman. ¡°Please.¡± ¡°Why should I bother?¡± she asked. ¡°Because it¡¯s¡­ the right thing to do?¡± Luke offered. ¡°Hahaha!¡± The woman laughed right into Luke¡¯s face. ¡°Oh you¡¯re serious¡­ Where in the world do you come from where you think strangers will help you for nothing.¡± Luke wobbled. ¡°I¡¯m from the Capital, or I was actually from Star Town, but I made a mistake. And now we¡¯re out here lost in the woods, and we lost our horses, and we went into a dungeon, and we found a-¡± ¡°Stop. Stop. I don¡¯t want to know anything about you. All I want is for you to leave.¡± The woman waved her hands. ¡°Please.¡± Luke pleaded again. ¡°My friends need help.¡± The woman tipped the stick up under Luke¡¯s chin, forcing his head up. She looked him in the eyes. Luke¡¯s rain drenched face reflected in her goggles. *Sigh* ¡°Pathetic. Even the ravens wouldn¡¯t eat such sad eyes.¡± She mused. She pulled the handle of her crosse away from Luke¡¯s chin. ¡°Fine. The two of you and your¡­¡± she started. ¡°Bark. Bark.¡± Eins yipped from between Ash¡¯s arms. ¡°... and your dog can come with me.¡± she finished. ¡°The three of us.¡± Luke added. ¡°Pardon?¡± she raised an eyebrow. ¡°There are three of us. Our friend needs help.¡± he said. Luke rotated his body so that Ave was in view. The woman *Sniffed* ¡°I thought your friend was a leather backpack.¡± Ave¡¯s mouth made a tight line. The woman turned on her heel and stalked back up the hill. ¡°My cabin is this way. Better hurry before the rain fills your boots.¡± Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. # ¡°This is a very nice cabin.¡± Ash said. The group shuffled into a roomy cabin at the top of the hill. The exterior of the cabin was mortar and stone while the interior was coated with plaster. The roof was tiled with ceramic. A spiral staircase in the corner led up to a second floor and down to a basement. ¡°Thanks.¡± The woman replied. ¡°I was just thinking how nice it would be to have a group of strange children tracking mud all over my floor.¡± ¡°Thank you for this.¡± Luke said. ¡°Yeah yeah. Feel free to hang up your ?rags? on the coat rack.¡± she said. The Acrid Apostate hung up her overcoat and placed her wide hat on the top of a standing coat rack. Underneath her overcoat she wore a loose bodice over a shirt and loose pants all in shades of black. She had a curvy frame with strong athletic arms and thighs. Her face had round cheeks and delicate ears. She was missing a finger on her left hand. Her supple hair was drawn into three long pleats. Two were draped down in front of her shoulders while the last one hung down to the middle of her back. ¡°What, uh, should we call you?¡± Luke asked. ¡°My name is Belbuk.¡± she answered. ¡°Can we call you Bel?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No.¡± Belbuk said tersely. ¡°Oh¡­¡± Luke said. Belbuk pulled a table out from a corner. ¡°Put your friend down over here.¡± Luke walked over. He set Ave down on top of the table. Ave dangled her legs over the side. Belbuk pulled a stool up to the table. ¡°What¡¯s the damage?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°My left foot.¡± Ave answered. ¡°Does it hurt?¡± ¡°Only when I try to stand on it.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s take a look.¡± Belbuk leaned over and put her hand on Ave¡¯s boot. She turned the footwear a little to the side and squeezed the leather. Ave winced. Belbuk frowned. ¡°It¡¯s mighty swollen. Your foot is stuck in there like a turd in an alleycat.¡± She turned around. ¡°Hey pretty boy.¡± She said to Luke. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°Bring me that leather bag over there.¡± Belbuk pointed to a shelf. ¡°And be gentle with it!¡± Luke picked up the bag and brought it over to the table. Belbuk opened the bag. She pulled out a roll of leather from inside. She unrolled the parcel. It was filled with a variety of gleaming metal tools. ¡°Are you a Barber?¡± Ave asked. Belbuk picked up a steel scalpel. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m also an Alchemist.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°Now try not to move.¡± Belbuk balanced Ave¡¯s leg on her lap. She delicately placed the scalpel against the boot. Luke and Ash stood in the corner and watched. Eins peeked out from under the table. Belbuk made several shallow cuts into Ave¡¯s leather boot. After cutting a long groove she used a pair of curved scissors to cut a strip of the leather away. Belbuk put her tools away. ¡°That should be good enough.¡± She pulled the leather flaps apart. ¡°It¡¯s looser now. I¡¯m going to pull it around the heel. Ready?¡± Ave nodded. Belbuk grabbed Ave¡¯s calf muscle with one hand and the boot¡¯s heel with the other. With a smooth motion Belbuk pulled the boot off of Ave¡¯s foot. Ave¡¯s foot was purple and swollen. Belbuk examined the foot in her lap. ¡°That¡¯s a bad sprain. It¡¯s a good thing you weren¡¯t walking on it.¡± Belbuk gently lowered Ave¡¯s foot back down. She stood up and looked at Luke and Ash. ¡°I need you two to go check on my barn.¡± Luke shook his head in confusion. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Go check on my barn. It¡¯s down at the bottom of the hill.¡± Belbuk repeated. ¡°I need you to make sure it¡¯s not leaking.¡± Ash looked through a window. ¡°But it¡¯s still raining.¡± ¡°Then you better hurry.¡± ¡°What direction?¡± Luke asked. ¡°At the bottom of the hill. Now go. Before I throw you all back out into the storm.¡± Belbuk said. Ash grumbled to himself. ¡°Fine. Keep an eye on our¡­ dog. Okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get them some water.¡± Belbuk called. Ash and Luke opened the door and trudged back out into the rain. Belbuk fetched a pitcher of water from her kitchen. She filled a dish with water and set it on the ground next to Eins. She went to put the pitcher away. Eins stared at the dish for a moment. Eins looked at Ave. Eins whispered. Ave whispered back. Eins grudgingly started *Lapping* up water from the bowl. Belbuk came back into the room. She pulled a small tin container down off of a top shelf. She opened it up and removed a slender stick of wax about 10cm long. She put one end of the sprig in her mouth and started idly chewing the end. The wax sprig was as round as a pencil. As she chewed a gelatin was released from inside the core of the wax stick. ¡°So what¡¯s the deal? Are you in danger?¡± she asked. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Ave replied. Belbook lifted her chin and pointed at Ave¡¯s foot. ¡°Did they do this?¡± ¡°Luke and Ash. Those two? Not a chance.¡± Ave scoffed. ¡°Understood. Still, I had to check. How did it happen?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°I¡¯m not sure you would believe me if I told you.¡± Ave leaned back on the table. Belbuk brought Ave a towel. ¡°Try me.¡± Ave started to dry herself off. ¡°I had a fight with a Paladin and a Shadowbeast.¡± ¡°At the same time?¡± ¡°No. One then the other.¡± ¡°And you only got a sprained foot?¡± Belbuk questioned. ¡°It was also frozen for a little while. I might have made it worse saving us from a dart trap.¡± Ave added. Belbuk chewed the wax sprig. ¡°That sounds really stupid. Almost too stupid to be a lie. So I guess I¡¯ll believe you for now.¡± The front door of the Cabin opened. Ash and Luke lumbered back into the living room dripping wet. Ash squeezed the rainwater out of his eyes. ¡°There was no barn!¡± Ash shouted in frustration. Belbuk shrugged. ¡°Really? Damn. Rain must have washed it away.¡± Pull 15 ¡°Alright. Let¡¯s get you idiots fixed up.¡± Belbuk cracked her knuckles, then her neck. ¡°The sooner you¡¯re bandaged up, the sooner you can get back on the road.¡± Belbuk turned to Ash and Luke. ¡°You two hang up your clothes. No point in you getting my floors any dirtier.¡± Belbuk pulled out a bench from the corner of her cabin. She put an arm around Ave. ¡°Let¡¯s get you seated. Over here. Lean on me. Just like that. Now put up your leg. I¡¯ll put a cushion under it. Try to keep it elevated for now.¡± Once Ave was seated Belbuk started examining her. She opened a drawer in a nearby shelf. She removed a wax stick about twelve cm long from a divider in the drawer. She held the wax sprig to Ave. ¡°Here. Chew on this.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°I don¡¯t use narcotics.¡± Ave stated plainly. ¡°That¡¯s fine because I wasn¡¯t giving you any. There¡¯s only an anti-inflammatory agent in this one.¡± Ave politely took the offered wax stick. She put one end in her mouth and started chewing it. Belbuk opened a jar. The strong smell of alcohol filled the room. ¡°Do you suffer from anemia?¡± Belbuk asked. She dabbed some of the contents of the jar on her hands. ¡°No.¡± Ave replied. Belbuk rubbed her hands together. She turned around and pointed to a shelf on the opposite side of the room. ¡°Bring me those leeches will you.¡± ¡°Leeches?¡± Ash squawked. ¡°That¡¯s right. Leeches have an anticoagulant saliva. I¡¯m going to use them to reduce the swelling around the area while I prepare a poultice.¡± Belbuk explained. ¡°Sure thing. Is it that jar of wriggling worms over there?¡± Luke looked at the shelf. ¡°Leeches, but yes.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°Okay¡­ ¡° Luke took one step forward and then collapsed face first onto the floor. ¡°Psssh¡­ children.¡± Bel hissed between her teeth. She clicked her tongue at Ash. ¡°Your turn. Now hurry up and get me that jar.¡± Ash picked up the jar with the tips of his fingers. ¡°Huuuhhhnnn¡­¡± He let out a low groan as he gingerly stepped over Luke¡¯s body and delivered the jar to Belbuk. Belbuk rolled up Ave¡¯s pant leg and started applying leeches to the area. Ash watched over her shoulder. ¡°That is¡­ whu¡­ whoa¡­¡± Ash turned green. He slumped into a chair. ¡°Please don¡¯t vomit on my floor.¡± Belbuk stated. ¡°I have an excellent constitution.¡± Ash¡­ ¡°Achoo!¡± Ash sneezed suddenly. ¡°Ka-sniiirf¡± Eins sneezed under the table. ¡°KachOOO!¡± Ash caught his second sneeze with his elbow. He slowly looked back up at Belbuk. There was a line of mucus attached to his shirt sleeve. He whispered. *Groan* ¡°There¡¯s a washbasin in the kitchen. Why don¡¯t you clean yourself up.¡± Belbuk gestured with her head. Ash shuffled out of the room. Belbuk finished setting the leeches on Ave¡¯s foot. Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°I¡¯ll bind that once the swelling goes down.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°Thank you.¡± Ave said. ¡°Don¡¯t thank me. Just don¡¯t get hurt again.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t trying to get hurt in the first place.¡± ¡°You told me you got in two fights in a day. And it doesn¡¯t sound like you were trying to avoid them.¡± ¡°I¡­ ¡° Ave trailed off. ¡°Try and get some rest.¡± Belbuk got up and walked over to Luke. She flipped him over on his back. Belbuk pulled her arm back. With a broad swing she *Slapped* Luke in the face. Luke snapped back awake. ¡°Ah! What time is it? Where am I? Is the King here?¡± Luke looked around in confusion. ¡°Are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?¡± Belbuk examined Luke. ¡°Ah¡­ what? Uh¡­ four I think? What? Why am I on the floor?¡± Luke asked. ¡°You collapsed.¡± ¡°Oh. Sorry about that.¡± ¡°It didn¡¯t bother me. Are you injured at all?¡± Belbuk looked him up and down. ¡°No. I¡¯m fine.¡± Luke started to stand up. ¡°Have you ever fainted like that before?¡± she asked. Luke didn¡¯t make eye contact. ¡°No.¡± ¡°You fell right on your face. You don¡¯t even have a bruise.¡± Belbuk examined his face. Luke touched his face. He brushed his bangs aside. ¡°No. I don¡¯t think so. I¡¯m fine. Really.¡± ¡°Hmmm. Interesting. Take a seat at the table for now I guess.¡± Belbuk said. # Ash shuffled back into the room. Belbuk turned to Ash. ¡°Alright. Last one.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Ash said in confusion. ¡°Show me where you¡¯re injured.¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m not injured.¡± Ash said. ¡°Of course you are. I can see you limping.¡± Ash tried to rebalance his body. He winced. ¡°Come on! Hurry up and tell me what¡¯s wrong.¡± Belbuk let loose her impatience. ¡°You don¡¯t have to. It¡¯s not a big deal.¡± Ash replied. He looked around the room at the others. ¡°Relax kid. I¡¯m an Alchemist and a licensed Barber. I¡¯ve seen everything.¡± Belbuk said. Ash whispered. ¡°Is it your penis?¡± Belbuk asked flatly. ¡°What? No! It¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s not¡­¡± Ash flustered about. ¡°Alright!¡± Belbuk said with an exaggerated shout. ¡°Everybody turn around. Nobody look at his penis!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not my penis!¡± Ash shouted through his teeth. ¡°It¡¯s the other side¡­¡± ¡°Your scrotum?¡± Belbuk asked flatly. ¡°No. No! My butt. It¡¯s my butt okay?¡± Ash blushed. ¡°The gluteus minimus or the gluteus maximus?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°Huh?¡± Ash blinked. ¡°Just hurry up and show me your flat farmboy butt cheeks.¡± Belbuk said with exasperation. ¡°Alright. Alright. Everybody turn around okay?¡± Ash grumbled. Ash slid over to Belbuk. Luke and Ave politely turned around. Eins pattered out from under the table and peeked at Ash. Ash looked down at Eins. ¡°Would you¡­¡± ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°Are you embarrassed by your dog?¡± ¡°What, no, he¡¯s not, uh¡­ ¡° Ash trailed off. ¡°Bark.¡± Eins said. ¡°Argh. Let¡¯s get this over with.¡± Ash unbuckled his belt. He slowly slid down his pants to present his perturbed posterior. ¡°What am I looking at?¡± Belbuk said. ¡°I got hit by a dart.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°Like a game dart?¡± ¡°No. Like, a dungeon dart.¡± ¡°Just one?¡± ¡°Maybe a couple.¡± ¡°You were shot by a dart and it only hit you in the butt?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°No I was rolling around on the ground and it¡­ got in there. Okay?¡± Ash mumbled. Belbuk squinted. ¡°Hold on there¡¯s still a piece stuck in you.¡± ¡°Can you pull it out? Gently?¡± Ash whimpered. ¡°Don¡¯t tell a barber how to work.¡± Belbuk pulled on something. ¡°Ahhh!¡± Ash yelped. ¡°By the moons? This is a piece of pinecone. How did that get in there? Did you get attacked by a tree?¡± Belbuk held up a splinter of pine. ¡°It was that or fall in a pit full of spikes.¡± Ash groaned. Belbuk looked around the room. ¡°How have you children survived this long?¡± She sighed. ¡°I¡¯m going to apply some topical disinfectant. Bend over for me.¡± Ash bent over slightly. ¡°This isn¡¯t going to sting, is it?¡± Belbuk readied a jar of disinfectant. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. It only stings if you have perverted thoughts.¡± she said. ¡°What?¡± Bell promptly smeared the iodine over one of Ash¡¯s dart wounds. ¡°Yeeeaaaaggg!¡± Pull 16 Eins pulled on one of Luke¡¯s pant legs with a paw. Eins whispered. Luke whispered back. Eins pointed at Belbuk. Eins whined. Belbuk was finishing her work cleaning Ash¡¯s dart wounds. Luke straightened up at the table. ¡°Excuse me. Do you perhaps have anything that we could eat? Maybe?¡± Luke asked. Belbuk slowly closed the bottle of disinfectant she had been using. ¡°You want me to feed you now?¡± Eins yipped. Luke said out of the side of his mouth. Eins insisted. ¡°I have¡­ low blood sugar?¡± Luke offered. *Sigh* Belbuk¡¯s eyebrow twitched. ¡°Sure. Why not? Because apparently I¡¯m running a hotel now. It¡¯s not like a person moves out to the middle of the woods to be alone.¡± # Ash, Luke, and Ave sat around the cabin¡¯s kitchen table. Belbuk cut up a loaf of bread. Then she layered slices of cured beef, tomato, and onion on the top for an open faced sandwich. Belbuk set out wooden serving plates, napkins, mugs, and a pitcher of apple cider on the table. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. When she was done with preparations she emptied the scraps into a small wooden bowl and placed it on the floor in front of Eins. ¡°Auuu¡­¡± Eins grumbled. ¡°Do you have any mustard?¡± Luke asked across the table. Belbuk glared at him. ¡°You know what? It¡¯s fine.¡± he put his head down. Ash pushed his napkin off the side of the table with his elbow. ¡°Oops.¡± He ducked under the table. Ash whispered under his breath to Eins. Eins replied while using a paw to pick at the contents of the doggy bowl. Ash rolled his eyes. The dog folded down its ears. Eins put its paws together in supplication. ¡°Everything okay under there?¡± Belbuk asked as she sat down at the table. ¡°Hah! Yes. Everything is fine.¡± Ash shouted back. # ¡°It¡¯s very lucky that we ran into an Alchemist all the way out here in the woods.¡± Luke made conversation. ¡°Not for me.¡± Belbuk said as she ate. ¡°I was thinking. Since it¡¯s still raining, and it¡¯s already so late, maybe we could, with your permission¡­¡± Luke conversed. ¡°Please don¡¯t ask me what I think you¡¯re going to ask me.¡± Belbuk closed her eyes. Luke held up a finger. ¡°It would only be for one night. After that you won¡¯t see us ever again.¡± Belbuk opened her eyes. She looked at Luke. She started examining his face. ¡°I know you don¡¯t I?¡± she said. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. At least I¡¯m sure we¡¯ve never been formally introduced.¡± Luke replied. ¡°Sweet constipated clerics. You¡¯re the Royal Summoner aren¡¯t you?¡± Belbuk said in amazement. Ash *Slammed* his head into the underside of the table. ¡°That¡¯s right. I am. By the way, would you like to help us fight the Demon Lord?¡± Meanwhile 0 Calcium ¡°What are they?¡± asked Councilor A. THEY ARE SKELETONS ¡°I can see that. But what do they do?¡± the Councilor asked. THEY ARE SKELETONS Councilor 1 leaned back in his chair. ¡°I¡¯m going to be honest, they''re not that scary. I was expecting them to be scary.¡± Councilor A tapped a pencil against his desk. ¡°I know what you mean. The idea of a walking skeleton is scary. But the actual effect is¡­ somewhat bare bones.¡± Councilor 1 got up from his chair. He walked over to the collection of Skeletons that were standing in the middle of the Council Chambers. A dozen flawlessly white and handsome Skeletons that looked like they had stepped right out of an anatomy textbook stood at attention. The hollow recess of their empty sockets stared straight ahead. Councilor 1 crouched down and looked into one Skeleton¡¯s ribcage. Councilor 1 frowned. ¡°They¡¯re just bones. You can see right through them to the other side.¡± He stood back up. ¡°And the face, there¡¯s no expression, no malice. Maybe if they had some flesh still on them. Eyebrows or noses and the like. Something to give them a bit of emotion.¡± ¡°Like a dead body?¡± Councilor A chimed in. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°A Skeleton with a little bit of skin still on it. Sort of a freshly decaying corpse.¡± ¡°Exactly. You get it.¡± ¡°That would be scary.¡± ¡°We could call it a Corpsie or something.¡± Councilor 1 stroked his chin. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°They could slowly shamble towards you.¡± Councilor A raised his arms. He mimed a slow shuffling gait, rocking from side to side. ¡°I¡¯m getting chills.¡± said Councilor 1. Councilor A turned to the Demon Lord. ¡°What can these do? Can they walk?¡± The DEMON LORD barely nodded. Councilor A sat back. He waved a hand. ¡°Let¡¯s see it then.¡± The DEMON LORD turned their attention to the Skeletons. The DEMON LORD¡¯s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. The Skeletons lifted their right legs in unison. They took a step forward. *Clatter*Clack*Clatter* As a single unit they marched to the wall, turned, then marched back to the center of the room. Councilor 1 put his hands over his ears. ¡°This is horrible. They sound like a line of billiard balls.¡± ¡°Like someone shaking a bucket of chicken bones.¡± Councilor A agreed. Councilor 1 paced back and forth. ¡°People are not going to be scared of this. I¡¯ve heard geese that sound more threatening than these things.¡± Councilor 1 slumped back into his chair. He rubbed his temples. ¡°How are we supposed to terrify an entire kingdom with an army of these.¡± He pointed to the Skeletons. ¡°These things couldn¡¯t terrify a playground.¡± Councilor A chewed the end of his pencil. ¡°If we stacked them on top of each other they could probably be a playground. Or a bone yard.¡± Councilor 1 flicked his fingers. ¡°Get rid of them.¡± GET RID OF THEM? (There was the slightest inflection on the end of the mysterious message.) ¡°That¡¯s right. We have no use for them. Magic them away or however you do it.¡± The DEMON LORD barely nodded. It wordlessly raised an arm. The center of the room was empty. There was no sound. No flash of light. The Skeletons were simply no longer there. The DEMON LORD lowered its arm. And waited. # One hundred kilometers away. The Skeletons didn¡¯t make a sound as they materialized in the middle of the forest. But they did *Clatter* a little as their boney feet landed on the ground. A flock of birds was startled by the sudden appearance of the humanoid shaped creatures and scattered from the trees. The Skeletons didn¡¯t see or acknowledge the birds. The Skeletons didn¡¯t see or acknowledge anything. They stood completely still, in the middle of the forest, like morbid statues. Then, three days later, for a reason the Skeletons were incapable of explaining, they started to march. Ages Ergo 0 Subtlety ¡°There you are my darling. Come in. I have incredible news to share with you.¡± The Populustrous King waved at his daughter across the Throne Room. The Esoteric Princess waltzed into the Throne Room. She made her way across the marble floor like a dainty cloud gliding across the horizon. At the center of the room was a circle of seven rubber balance balls set out in a circle. The King was seated on the largest of the balls. The King¡¯s balance ball was, of course, slightly deflated to allow him to sit on it for long periods of time. On the floor next to the King was a massive treasure chest. The massive money-holding monstrosity was as large as a writing desk and braced with thick bands of metal. It was so big the King would often lean over so he could put his elbow up on the lid. A number of paper notes and reminders decorated the outside of the chest. There was also a large bird¡¯s nest in one corner of the Throne Room that no one acknowledged. A group of Courtiers was gathered around the King. The King waved a hand to dismiss his attendants. As each of them turned to leave he passed them a small purse of coins from the chest. The Populustrous King *Whistled*. A Messenger Squirrel scampered out of the wings of the Throne Room and climbed up onto the King¡¯s knee. The Moneyed Monarch flipped the waiting delivery rodent a coin. ¡°Let me know as soon as he is settled in.¡± The Messenger Squirrel gave a little salute and ran out of the room. The Princess seated herself on one of the balance balls across from her father. Her movements were precise. She delicately folded her hands over her lap. The King leaned back. His jeweled chain of office glittered on his chest. ¡°I didn¡¯t surprise you did I? We came back to the Capital very quickly. Were you in one of your lessons? Let me guess, equestrianship?¡± The Princess pushed a single strand of hair away from her face. ¡°Yachting actually.¡± The King slapped his hands together. ¡°That¡¯s right. In case you marry a pirate.¡± ¡°But you don¡¯t need to worry about interrupting my studies father. I paid the Guard Capten to inform me immediately of your return.¡± ¡°That¡¯s my girl.¡± Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°So what was this important matter you wished to tell me about father?¡± The Princess asked. ¡°Oh yes, that. I was out on a tour of the Kingdom if you remember.¡± ¡°Of course I remember father. I helped prepare your agenda for meeting with the Mayors. I do hope that they appreciated the gifts that we arranged for them.¡± ¡°Of course they did. You did an excellent job my dear. Even Lady House was impressed by your thoughtful present.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so happy to hear that father.¡± ¡°And speaking of gifts I found something incredible while I was visiting Star Town. You know Star Town don¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Yes. It is the small town at the eastern edge of the Kingdom.¡± ¡°Boring place. Very small and unremarkable. A lot of Adventurers come from there I think.¡± The King scratched his chin. ¡°Almost thirty eight percent of the Adventurers that originate in our Kingdom come from Star Town.¡± The Princess recited. ¡°Impressive.¡± ¡°And you found something?¡± ¡°Yes, right. I didn¡¯t find something. I found someone. A young boy. He¡¯s about your age I believe.¡± ¡°Does he wish to become an Adventurer? Or maybe join the Capital Guard?¡± ¡°You know I didn¡¯t ask. But it doesn¡¯t matter because he¡¯s going to become my new Royal Summoner.¡± The King smiled. ¡°A young boy as the Royal Summoner? Is this another courtly diversion?¡± The Princess tilted her nose up. ¡°Not at all. He is a complete anomaly. A beautiful, wonderful, rarity. A gift from the Moons themselves. He can summon the best of everything.¡± ¡°Of everything?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. We already tested him several times on the way back. Whatever he pulls is always of the highest quality. I don¡¯t even think that he is doing it on purpose. I think that it just happens.¡± The King absentmindedly dipped his hand into the treasure chest. He scooped a handful of coins then let them trickle out through his fingers like water drops. *Clink*Tink*Clink* The Princess listened to the sound of the coins falling. ¡°That would be¡­ a useful talent.¡± ¡°I¡¯m having him moved into the Royal Quarters as we speak. When you see what he can do you will understand, this is a big day for our Kingdom.¡± ¡°You are putting him in the Royal Quarters. Father, people will talk. They will think that you are preparing him to become one of my suitors.¡± ¡°Ho ho ho.¡± The King chuckled. ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry about that my dear. Because I¡¯m canceling all of your marriage arrangements.¡± ¡°I beg your pardon father?¡± The Princess wobbled on the balance ball. ¡°And all of your marriage training as well. Let¡¯s see, dancing, decorum, needlepoint, poetry, accounting, we can cancel all of those classes.¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± ¡°Better keep the history tutor. No point in having a Princess that can¡¯t read.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± ¡°This is a great day for the Kingdom my dear. You don¡¯t have to marry a foreign prince anymore and I¡¯m going to save an incredible amount of money.¡± Pull 17 Brand New Day Golden sunlight poured in through the windows of the Belbuk¡¯s Cabin. The living room was washed in the warm rays of morning. Luke woke up first. He rolled off of the floor trying not to wake Ash. Luke picked up Eins from the blanket bed in the corner and carried the dog¡¯s still sleepy body into the kitchen. Luke filled the stove with wood. He picked up Eins and pumped the dog like a bellows until a small blue flame appeared at the front of its snout. Luke used Eins to light the stove then set the dog down on the counter. Luke got to work preparing breakfast. # Ash wandered in as Luke was finishing the bacon. ¡°Coffee?¡± he asked. Luke pointed with his elbow to a pot on the stove. Ash poured two cups of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. # Luke and Ash ate in the quiet morning silence. Luke wiped his hands on a dish towel. ¡°I¡¯m going out to feed the chickens and then get started on the dailies.¡± ¡°You¡¯re still doing those?¡± Ash asked in between bites. ¡°I made a promise. It was part of the condition for Belbuk allowing us to stay here.¡± ¡°Yeah but she¡¯s not here right now.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not important.¡± *Ring*Ring* *Sigh* Luke stood up from the table. He picked up a wooden tray with toast, eggs, bacon, and a cup of coffee on it. Ash put a hand on his arm to stop him. ¡°I¡¯ll take care of that. And feeding the chickens. You go finish your dailies. I¡¯m going to be out of the cabin for a while.¡± Ash said. ¡°Are you making more charcoal?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Will you be back for lunch?¡± ¡°Not if I can help it.¡± # Ash carried the wooden tray out of the kitchen. He walked to the stairs. Eins padded along behind him. A spiral staircase in the corner of the cabin led up to the second floor. At the top of the stairs there was a small landing with a bay window and a door that led to Belbuk¡¯s study/bedroom. A cot had been set up in front of the bay window. Dozens of pillows and several quilts were heaped up on the cot. Ave was burrowed down in the middle like an owl. Only her bandaged foot was visible sticking out of the pile. A small metal bell sat on a stool next to the cot. Ash set the wooden tray down on top of the stool. Eins jumped up on the cot and curled up in the middle of the pile of quilts. ¡°Is there coffee?¡± Ave¡¯s voice was muffled by the blankets. ¡°Yes.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Sugar?¡± *Sigh* ¡°Two cubes.¡± Ash started sneaking back down the stairs. ¡°Milk?¡± ¡°There is¡­ ah¡­¡± Ash walked down the stairs. He collected a milk bottle from the kitchen. He walked back to the second floor and placed the bottle on the stool. ¡°Toast?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Right there on the tray.¡± *Rustle*Rustle* ¡°Is there pepper?¡± Ave asked. *Groan* Ash walked down the stairs. He retrieved the pepper shaker from the kitchen. He walked back to the second floor and placed the pepper on the stool. ¡°Salt?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I brought that too.¡± Ash produced a salt shaker from behind his back and put it on the stool. ¡°Jam?¡± *Groooan* Ash stomped down the stairs. He retrieved the jam from the kitchen. He stalked back to the second floor and plopped the jam jar onto the stool. ¡°Will there be anything else?¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± Ave mumbled from inside her quilt cocoon. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. ¡°Great. Because I have to go feed the chickens. Luke will be back after he¡¯s done with dailies. I¡¯m going out to the forest.¡± Ash turned and walked back down the stairs. # Ash stood in the yard in front of the Cabin. He held out his hand and summoned. A rain of soybeans scattered themselves across the hen pecked grass in front of the chicken coop. The chickens let out a *Cluck*Cluck* that he hoped signaled appreciation. One of the bay windows *Creaked* open. ¡°What¡¯s for lunch?¡± Ave shouted down into the yard. ¡°Ask Luke!¡± Ash mumbled afterwards. ¡°Everyone always complains when I make lunch.¡± Ash finished feeding the chickens and then strode away into the woods. # Ave peeked her head out of the blanket fortress. She gazed out the window at the sky. Eins rolled over on Ave¡¯s stomach. The dog opened its mouth and lolled out its tongue. Ave broke a piece of bacon in half. She ate one half and fed the other half to Eins. # Belbuk hiked up the path leading to her Cabin. She adjusted her wide brimmed hat. ¡°It¡¯s hot today.¡± She squinted. ¡°I can see smoke from the chimney. I guess they¡¯re still squating on my floor.¡± # Beluk kicked open the door to her Cabin. ¡°I¡¯m home.¡± she shouted. *Silence* ¡°Ungrateful freeloaders.¡± she grumbled. Belbuk put down her traveling pack. She walked up the stairs to the second floor landing. *Sigh* ¡°You shouldn¡¯t let your dog get on the furniture. You¡¯ll spoil it.¡± she said. Eins yawned from the peak of the pillow pile. Ave shifted under the quilts. ¡°Did you bring it?¡± Belbuk tossed a package of rectangular pieces of fabric onto the quilt pyramid. A single hand slipped out from under the covers and pulled the package into the depths. Belbuk tapped her foot on the floor. ¡°Think that maybe you¡¯ll get up today? Take a walk? *Sniff* Or a bath. By the way, how have you been going to the bathroom? I don¡¯t see any buckets up here.¡± Ave rolled over under her blankets. Eins yawned again. ¡°Gods I hate children.¡± Belbuk retreated to her room. # The sun ticked across the sky til noon. Luke strolled back into the Cabin and into the kitchen. After a few minutes of preparation he climbed up the stairs. ¡°Ave? Are you up? I brought you some lunch. Oh? Master Belbuk you¡¯re back.¡± Luke peeked into Belbuk¡¯s room. The second floor room had south facing windows. Bookshelves had been built into the walls. In addition to books a variety of beakers, bottles, and bowls lined the shelves. ¡°Don¡¯t call me that.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°Right. As you wish. Have you eaten? Shall I bring you some lunch?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No need. I¡¯ll eat later.¡± Belbuk was seated at her desk. She filled an alembic with a clear liquid. ¡°Where¡¯s my copy of Zeno¡¯s Mushroom Encyclopedia?¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s downstairs.¡± Luke replied. ¡°Make sure that you return it.¡± ¡°I will.¡± Luke paced around the room. *Soft Whistle* ¡°Have you¡­ given any thought to what I asked you before?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no such thing as Demon Lords.¡± Belbuk said tersely. ¡°Right. You made that very clear. And, about the other thing?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not making you my apprentice.¡± ¡°Come on. Please.¡± Luke pleaded. ¡°I promise that I¡¯ll make you proud.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be proud of you. I want you to leave. Remember when I said you all could stay one night.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°It¡¯s been two weeks.¡± ¡°Ave is still injured.¡± ¡°Your friend Ave is sulking. My bay window is starting to smell like sadness and dog turds.¡± Belbuk twisted her braid around her hand. ¡°I told you Eins is very well¡­ trained. He¡¯s housebroken.¡± Luke raised his eyebrows. ¡°My house is going to be broken if you four keep using it like your personal vacation home.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it a vacation home?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the point!¡± ¡°That¡¯s why you should train me. If you teach me Alchemy I can help out more around the cabin.¡± Luke pleaded from across the desk at Belbuk. ¡°What is this world where you¡¯re begging more than the dog does.¡± Belbuk shook her head. ¡°Please, please, please.¡± Luke begged. Belbuk held up a hand. ¡°Listen. I¡¯m not going to¡­¡± ¡°...hhhnnn¡­ ¡­hhhnnnKKK¡­¡± Belbuk stopped what she was doing. ¡°Was that you?¡± She said. ¡°Huh?¡± Luke asked. ¡°That noise. That wasn¡¯t you?¡± Belbuk held perfectly still. *In the Distance* ¡°.... nnnhhhKKK¡­¡± ¡°Damn it!¡± Belbuk yelled. ¡°I knew it was too good to be true.¡± She leapt up out of her seat and ran to the corner of her room. Belbuk frantically started digging through her supplies. ¡°Here!¡± She shouted at Luke and thrust a box into his arms. ¡°Carry this.¡± ¡°What is it?¡± Luke asked in confusion. ¡°Alchemical reagents.¡± Belbuk grabbed some more bottles. ¡°Does this mean you¡¯re going to teach me Alchemy?¡± ¡°What? Nnn¡­ yes. Sure. It¡¯s time for your first lesson. Take one of these.¡± She jammed a crosse under Luke¡¯s arm. Belbuk ran out of the room. ¡°Let¡¯s go! Front of the cabin. Now.¡± Luke hustled down the stairs after her. # Ash walked up the path to the Cabin. He wiped some sweat off of his forehead and some twigs out of his hair. *fffsss¡­* ¡°What the¡­¡± *Ka-BOOM* A patch of grass to the left of the path exploded. Ash ducked and rolled for cover. Dirt and rocks rained down on him. ¡°What is happening!¡± he screamed. ¡°Ash is that you?¡± Luke shouted down the hill. ¡°Yes it¡¯s me! What is going on!?¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Get up here quick.¡± Ash ran up the hill to the Cabin. He collapsed on the ground when he reached the front porch. Luke was standing in front of the Cabin with a crosse in his hands. Belbuk was next to him rummaging through a large box filled with glass vials. ¡°Can you still see the smoke?¡± She asked. ¡°Yes.¡± Luke replied. ¡°There¡¯s a crater in your front yard now.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. Use that to find your range. Make your next shot with the same power and it should land in the same area.¡± Belbuk held up one of the vials for examination. ¡°What are you two doing!?¡± Ash panted. ¡°Alchemy.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°That was an explosive.¡± ¡°Like I said. Alchemy.¡± ¡°... hhhooonnnkkk¡­¡± Belbuk stood up. ¡°Here it comes.¡± Pull 18 Something came out of the woods. It had a bulbous body two meters tall with a long flexible tail. It was covered with a layer of thick grime. ¡°Hooonnnghk¡± A blast of noise echoed out from the creature. It began to waddle its way up the path towards the house. Gravel *Crunched* beneath its heavy bulk. # ¡°There it is. Get ready to launch.¡± Belbuk stared down the hill at the monstrous creature. ¡°What is that thing?¡± Luke panicked. ¡°It¡¯s a monster. We have to stop it before it reaches the Cabin.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°What does it want?¡± Luke stared at the something. ¡°No time for questions. Just throw!¡± Belbuk jammed a glass vial into the basket of the crosse. Luke followed his orders and swung the crosse forwards with both hands. The vial was launched down the hill. *Ka-BOOM* Another patch of grass was blown to pieces. The miresoaked creature stepped to the side. ¡°It¡¯s still coming.¡± Luke observed. ¡°Keep shooting.¡± Belbuk yelled at him. She turned to Ash. ¡°You too.¡± She tossed him a second stick with a wicker basket attached to the end. Ash bounced the crosse back and forth between his hands. Belbuk tossed a vial to Ash. Ash reached out to grab it with one hand. The vial bounced off of his palm, his knee, his elbow, his pinky, and then fell towards the ground. Belbuk¡¯s foot shot out and caught the vial on the tip of her boot. She gave Ash a searing glare. She carefully handed him the vial again. ¡°What is this?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Just a mild detergent.¡± she said. Ash sheepishly placed the vial in the basket of his crosse. He used the stick to toss the vial down the hill. It shattered on the ground a few meters away. A slick of green liquid poured out and started dissolving the grass. ¡°This is detergent?¡± Ash said in shock. ¡°Sure. Cleans stains, surfaces, bones, whatever you need. Still no time to explain. Now, keep going.¡± Belbuk tossed another vial at Ash. Ash caught it with both hands. # Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. *Ka-BOOM* *Spa-Flash* *Gurp-Sizzle* Luke and Ash took turns launching explosive vials down the hill. The creature kept coming. ¡°How can neither of you hit it?¡± Belbuk groaned. ¡°We¡¯re trying to hit it? I thought we were trying to scare it away.¡± Luke replied. The creature kept waddling up the pathway towards the Cabin. ¡°It¡¯s getting closer¡­¡± Ash said nervously. ¡°What do we do?¡± Luke asked. ¡°We¡¯re out of options.¡± Belbuk frowned. ¡°Both of you cross your sticks together. Baskets together. Just like that. Lower them to the ground.¡± Belbuk directed them. Luke and Ash crouched low with the wicker baskets of their crosses placed next to each other. With a *Heave* Belbuk lifted the entire box of reagents so that it balanced on the end of their sticks. ¡°All together now. Lift and throw in one motion.¡± Belbuk instructed them. ¡°What if we miss?¡± Ash panicked. ¡°3¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°2¡­¡± ¡°Hold on¡­¡± ¡°1, Throw!¡± ¡°Ahhh!¡± *Luke and Ash in Unison* ¡°Hooo!¡± The two boys catapulted the box of chemicals down the hill. The wooden crate twisted in mid flight. Vials of explosives scattered in every direction like a swarm of angry hornets. *Boom* *POW* *BANG* *Spa-Flash* *Ka-BOOM* *Sizzle-Gurp* *POP-Foof* *KA-Fwoosh* The area in front of Belbuk¡¯s Cabin was saturated with a grand variety of explosions. The conflagration of reagents erupted into a pillar of rainbow colored fire that shot into the sky and launched bits of flaming debris across the yard. Ash ducked and covered. Luke held up his crosse to protect his face. Belbuk used one hand to hold on to her hat as a wave of superheated air washed over them. The flames cleared. Smoke filled the yard. In the air above the Cabin a beam of sunlight pierced the haze. The bulbous form of the creature could be seen suspended in the air. With a *Crack* the thick shell of mud and grime surrounding the creature shattered and fell away. A giant white goose monster unfurled its wings. From tip to tip its wingspan was over ten meters across. It blotted out the sun. With a corkscrew twist the bird delicately descended to the ground. The monster¡¯s body was larger than a wheelbarrow and as bulky as a horse. A curled halo of feathers surrounded its head. Its two legs were paws covered with fur and with retractable claws like those of a great cat. The creature landed letting the dust billow out behind its wings. It gracefully coiled its head to look at Belbuk. ¡°Behbuk.¡± It said, ¡°My devoted. I have returned.¡± Ash cowered on the ground. Luke peeked through the basket of his crosse. ¡°Damn. You¡¯re still alive.¡± Belbuk said. She reached in her pocket. Belbuk pulled out a stick of wax, put it in the corner of her mouth, and started to chew. ¡°Good try boys. Let¡¯s pack it up.¡± She turned and walked back to the cabin. The goose creature folded back its wings. It began to preen some of its feathers. Ash scrambled to his feet. ¡°What was that about?¡± ¡°I was teaching Luke alchemy.¡± Belbuk said without turning around. Ash pointed at the goose. ¡°Were you trying to kill him?¡± ¡°It¡¯s hot out here. Let¡¯s go inside. Luke, did you make lunch? ¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°What? What in puckered pork-guts is that thing?¡± Ash shrieked. ¡°It¡¯s a spirit. Just like you dog.¡± Pull 19 Belbuk leaned against the doorframe leading into the kitchen of her Cabin. Luke and Ash stood against the far wall with their crosses held protectively in front of their bodies. *Stomp*Stomp*Stomp* The goose monster waddled up to the porch of the Cabin. Its long neck twisted in through the front door. The creature pulled its wings in tight then *Heaved* its bulk at the opening. Luke lowered his stick. ¡°I don¡¯t know if he¡¯s going to fit¡­¡± With a creaking *Shudder* the goose pushed into the room. A cloud of feathers exploded filling the living room with white down. Luke and Ash coughed. The goose shook itself and stretched its wings. Boxes, benches, and baskets were tossed in every direction. ¡°It is good to be back.¡± The goose said with a deep, breathy voice. ¡°Make yourself at home Deus.¡± Belbuk smarmed. ¡°These kids said a monster died in the woods. I thought it might have been you.¡± ¡°Nonsense.¡± Deus trumpeted. ¡°I was investigating the forest. I sensed something, uncanny. But I became disoriented in the storm. My beautifuh wings covered with mud.¡± The goose spread a wing. Cups and dishes were scattered off the top of the nearby table. ¡°I returned to you. I knew you wouhd provide your magnate with assistance.¡± ¡°You know this creature.¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yeeeah¡­¡± Belbuk trailed off. ¡°What, are, you?¡± Ash poked the creature with the handle of his stick. ¡°I am¡­¡± The goose threw back its head. ¡°Ghorious.¡± The creature puffed out the feathers of its body. *Cricket*Cricket* ¡°You may address me as Deus.¡± The goose spoke. ¡°Are you a monster?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Nonsense.¡± Deus chuckled. ¡°Yes.¡± Belbuk said flatly. ¡°Devoted you wound me.¡± Deus dramatically hid its face with a wing. There was a *Patter* of paws on the stairs. ¡°What is going on? What were those explosions?¡± Eins stopped in its tracks on the staircase. ¡°I mean. Bark!¡± ¡°Eins. My ohd compatriot. How have you been?¡± Deus turned its head to the dog. ¡°Deus? What in the world are you doing here? Dammit. I mean bark bark!¡± Eins yelped. ¡°You can tell your dog to swallow its spittle. I always knew it was a spirit.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°You knew? But you made me sleep on the floor. If you knew why did you make me eat out of a dog bowl on the ground?¡± Eins asked with outrage on its little doggy face. Belbook absently chewed the end of her wax sprig. ¡°Because it was funny.¡± # *Gobble*Gobble*Gobble* Deus was unrepentantly devouring a bucket of corn. Seriously. Face down. Beak in the bottom of the bucket. Corn kernels flying through the air. Pure devastation. ¡°So it¡¯s not a Shadowbeast?¡± Luke asked from across the table. Luke, Ash, Eins, and Belbuk were seated at the living room table. Because of Deus¡¯ size the table was pushed all the way against the far wall. ¡°No. But it is a monster.¡± Belbuk sat back on her stool. ¡°Deus is a spirit. Like your dog. It¡¯s a creature made of mana instead of flesh and bone.¡± *Gobble*Gobble*Gobble* They all watched the goose shovel more corn into its beak. ¡°Well that¡¯s not entirely accurate. They have a physical form but they use mana to sustain themselves in our world.¡± Belbuk added. ¡°Think of them like ghosts. Clever ghosts that managed to find a way to turn themselves into real people.¡± ¡°Come now Behbuk you are simphifying things.¡± Deus sprayed corn all over the table. ¡°We are divine beings. We protect your worhd and bring you wisdom from the heavens.¡± Deus spread its wings protectively over the table. Then the goose jammed its head back into the bucket. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. *Gobble*Gobble*Gobble* ¡°What is all of this noise that you¡¯re making down here?¡± Ave, wrapped in a quilt, swung her body over the edge of the staircase so she could look down into the living room. Her greasy hair hung upside down in front of her face. ¡°Oh hey, there¡¯s a goose.¡± She observed. ¡°Turns out Eins isn¡¯t a god. He¡¯s just a weird ghost dog.¡± Ash called up to her. ¡°I never said I was a god.¡± Eins retorted. ¡°Yes you did. You said you were a god.¡± Ash accused Eins. ¡°No. I said that you may worship me like a god. Not that I was a god.¡± Eins replied. Ash whispered to Luke. Luke mused. # ¡°So how do we use these?¡± Ash asked. Luke and Ash were standing in the front yard. Each of them were holding sets of matching metal bottles in their hands. Deus stood in the yard impatiently ruffling its feathers. Belbuk waited on the porch. ¡°Unscrew the top of the reactive container then add it to the compression chamber. That will trigger the alchemical reaction.¡± she explained. Luke and Ash looked at each other. They looked back at Belbuk. ¡°Put the small bottle in the big bottle, shake it, then douse Deus with the foam.¡± Belbuk explained again. Ash looked at the bottles. ¡°These aren¡¯t going to dissolve him, or us, are they?¡± ¡°No, they''re actually a mild detergent this time. Don¡¯t worry so much.¡± Belbuk said. ¡°Think of it as another alchemy lesson.¡± Ash and Luke looked down the hill at the smoking crater in the front yard. ¡°Okay¡­¡± Luke worried. Luke and Ash followed Belbuk¡¯s directions. They filled the larger bottles with the contents of the smaller ones. There was a *Gurgle* from inside the bottles. A white foam sprayed from the neck of the bottles into the air. ¡°Whoa!¡± Luke gasped in surprise. ¡°There¡¯s so much.¡± ¡°It¡¯s coming out so fast.¡± Ash shook the bottle with both hands. ¡°Don¡¯t just spray it all over the place. You¡¯re making a mess.¡± Belbuk crossed her arms. *Sigh* ¡°Boys.¡± Luke and Ash turned their spray bottles on Deus. The goose spread its wings. The giant bird was saturated with white foam. Ave came out of the cabin still wrapped in a quilt. She sat down on the porch next to Belbuk. Eins padded out after her and jumped up into her lap. Ave scratched Eins. ¡°So these are spirit creatures.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t seem surprised.¡± Belbuk observed. ¡°The Capital is a big place. There were always legends. Soldiers in the barracks telling each other stories of monsters, demons, and magic.¡± Ave looked down at Eins. ¡°I¡¯m beginning to wonder how much of it was really true.¡± ¡°More than you¡¯d hope, less than you¡¯d think.¡± Belbuk instinctively rubbed the stump of the missing finger on her hand. Belbuk watched Ash and Luke soap up a goose. ¡°Did those pads work out for you?¡± she asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t need them yet.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°I won¡¯t need them until tomorrow.¡± Belbuk sniffed. ¡°You know exactly when it¡¯s going to start?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. One hour. Just after sunrise. Every time, like clockwork.¡± ¡°Wow. Now I really hate young people.¡± Belbuk spit out a snot ball into the yard. ¡°That reminds me. Eins?¡± Ave picked up the dog so that it was facing her. ¡°Are you a boy or a girl?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± The dog tilted its head at her. ¡°When you were sleeping on top of me I took a casual look at your anatomy. I¡¯ve seen your anus, but you don¡¯t seem to have any sexual organs.¡± Ave held the dog up for examination. ¡°Spirits don¡¯t have any.¡± Belbuk picked a clinging feather off of her shoulder. ¡°None of them do.¡± She flicked the feather into the yard. ¡°No. Why would I? I¡¯ve seen those floppy bits you mortals are so proud of. No thank you.¡± Eins shook its head. ¡°So the gods don¡¯t have a sex? At all?¡± Ave asked. Eins tapped its chin in contemplation. ¡°There are some that could if they wanted to. But why bother? It requires a lot of energy to maintain our physical forms. Making extra organs that we couldn¡¯t use would be unnecessary. Who wants to deal with that kind of aggravation?¡± ¡°Your doggy god has the right idea. Some days I feel like hanging my vagina up on a clothesline and leaving it out in the rain.¡± Belbuk chuckled. # Ash and Luke¡¯s bottles finished spurting out a few last drops of foam. ¡°Okay. He¡¯s soaked. What now?¡± Luke called back to the Cabin. Belbuk kicked a bucket of water next to her on the porch. ¡°Grab some rags and some water. You¡¯ve got to rinse the foam off now.¡± ¡°More alchemy training?¡± Luke questioned. ¡°More alchemy training.¡± Belbuk nodded. ¡°Everyone has to start somewhere.¡± Ash stomped up the porch to fetch the water. ¡°This is so stupid. Now we¡¯re goose polishers.¡± he said. The boys walked back down next to Deus. ¡°Let¡¯s get this over with.¡± Ash said. ¡°Here. Let me help.¡± Deus raised its wings into the air. With a tremendous downstroke the goose created an *Airblast*. Foam droplets shot off in every direction splattering all over Ash and Luke. ¡°That shouhd assist you.¡± Deus spoke with pride. It raised one of its paws into the air and spread its toes. ¡°Make sure you rinse between the digits won¡¯t you.¡± # After plenty of scrubbing Deus was finally clean. The goose raised its head and pranced back and forth across the front yard. ¡°Fine work my young genthemen. Observe.¡± The goose spread its wings in full display. ¡°Am I not even more ghorious than I was before?¡± ¡°You¡¯re something alright.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°Now then, give me a chance to express my gratitude.¡± The giant bird lowered its head and stretched out its neck. ¡°Hork, hork, hooorrrkkk¡­¡± Deus made a serious of retching noises. The muscles of its throat throbbed with exertion. ¡°Hohd out your hands¡­ Hooork¡­ Here it comes!¡± Ash and Luke gingerly held out their hands. ¡°HHHooorrrKKK!¡± Deus spit directly into their outstretched palms. ¡°There you are.¡± The goose said in satisfaction. ¡°What is this?¡± Ash held up the slimy object. ¡°Is this a chess piece?¡± ¡°I think I got a belt buckle.¡± Luke said. Deus nodded. ¡°Keep the change.¡± Pull 20 Luke stood in front of the stove in the Cabin kitchen. Four giant pots simmered on the stove top. Ash tossed a mix of charcoal and kindling into the stove. ¡°Once I¡¯ve finished boiling the potatoes I¡¯ll mash them up and add some roasted garlic and rosemary. Then I¡¯ll roast some carrots and oil and toss them with the leftover garlic. Sprinkle some pepper on top.¡± Luke pulled the lid off a pot and peeked at the contents. ¡°We¡¯re almost out of corn but I¡¯m steaming some dandelions for salad.¡± ¡°Did you raid my spice rack?¡± Belbuk asked as she deboned a fish in the corner of the kitchen. ¡°No, I found a lot of this while I was out during dailies.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a surprisingly competent forager for a city boy.¡± Belbuk said over her shoulder. ¡°Ah well, I¡¯m observant is all, I guess.¡± Luke let off some steam. ¡°You¡¯ve been reading my gardening books haven¡¯t you.¡± ¡°Only a couple. While you were out. To pass the time.¡± ¡°Uh huh.¡± Belbuk cut off the fish¡¯s head. # ¡°That smewhs enticing.¡± Deus craned its head to look into the kitchen door. ¡°I wonder what they are cooking in there? I can hardhy wait.¡± Deus was seated in the living room. The giant bird had slotted itself into a corner so that there was enough room for everyone else to sit at the dining table. Ave sat across from the bird. Eins was carefully delivering mouthfuls of cutlery from the kitchen to the dining table. ¡°You were telling me a story?¡± Ave prodded the goose. ¡°Oh yes. That¡¯s right.¡± Deus turned back to her. ¡°There I was! Surrounded on every side. Ravenous beasts threatened to tear me apart and devour my exquisite body. Have you ever faced down a Shadowbeast before?¡± ¡°Actually, yes.¡± Ave replied. ¡°Then you know what it is like. The sheer frozen terror that runs through your veins. As it readies itself to rip your wing from shouhder and foot from heeh.¡± Deus gazed into her eyes. Ave nodded. ¡°What did you do?¡± ¡°Me? I am a bird of action.¡± Deus ruffled its chest feathers. ¡°I abandoned my fear. I gave them a Hiyah!¡± Deus slashed the air with its wing. Forks *Clattered* off of the table. ¡°Then I gave them a Hoorah!¡± Another strike. Spoons hit the ceiling. ¡°And then I brought down the fury of the storm upon them.¡± Deus beat its wings once. Ave and Eins ducked for cover as a rain of knives were tossed off the table. Deus settled back into its seat. ¡°The enemy was routed. We were victorious. A stunning victory if I do say so myself. Those were the days were they not Eins?¡± Eins collected some forks from the living room floor. ¡°Yeah¡­ good times.¡± # Ash peeked into the living room. ¡°Are you really going to let that giant bird stay here?¡± Belbuk gave him a quiet stare. ¡°Are you asking me if I¡¯m going to let an unexpected visitor stay here and make a mess of my cabin?¡± ¡°That is¡­ I don¡¯t think there¡¯s enough room in your cabin for us and the goose.¡± ¡°Nope. Does that mean you kids are finally going to leave?¡± Belbuk grinned. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that make you sooo happy.¡± Ash snarked back. # Luke filled wooden bowls with mashed potatoes and roasted carrots. ¡°Diner is ready. Eat up. There¡¯s plenty for everyone.¡± he said. ¡°A feast. A fantastic feast. Thank you so much.¡± Deus congratulated Luke. Luke began serving the table. Deus put a wing on his shoulder and pointed to the bowl in front of it. ¡°Perhaps a scooch more?¡± Luke filled the bowl again. Deus tilted its head expectantly. Luke filled the bowl some more. The muscles at the edge of Deus beak gave a weak frown. Luke shoved the bowl to the side. ¡°Why don¡¯t I just leave this here.¡± He set down the rest of the pot in front of Deus. ¡°A grand idea.¡± Deus nodded sagely. Belbuk sat down at the head of the table. ¡°Alright. Everyone dig in.¡± *Gobble*Gobble*Clang*Clang* Deus jammed its entire head into the pot and began eating. Everyone else tried their best to enjoy their meal while politely ignoring the goose. Ave examined a carrot. ¡°So Deus was telling us how he used to fight Shadowbeasts during the Sombersidus.¡± ¡°The what?¡± Ash asked. ¡°The Age of Darkness.¡± Ave explained. Ash pointed a fork at Ave, ¡°Wait, he what?¡± Then he pointed a fork at Deus, ¡°During the what!?¡± Deus pulled its head out of the pot. ¡°It is true. I defeated many a foe by feather and paw. We protected the entire kingdom from monsters.¡± ¡°Did you ever fight a Demon Lord.¡± Ave asked. Belbuk stopped eating. ¡°Oh yes.¡± Deus chewed a carrot with the end of its beak. ¡°Many times. Dangerous creatures. But we were ahways victorious.¡± Luke¡¯s face brightened. ¡°Is that true?¡± He dropped his spoon onto the table. ¡°Then this is, this is great news. We¡¯ve been looking for someone just like you. You can help us.¡± Deus didn¡¯t look up from the pot. ¡°What is this about then?¡± ¡°The truth is I summoned a Demon Lord. And now we need to find someone to help us stop him.¡± ¡°You summoned a Demon Whord?¡± Deus stopped eating. Everyone stopped eating. The goose stared directly at Luke. After a moment it began to chuckle. ¡°Ho¡­ Hohohooo¡­ Hohohonkhhonkhonk. You summoned a Demon Whord. Honkhonkhonk.¡± The goose mimed whipping a tear away from its face. ¡°That is a good joke my tiny human friend.¡± The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°But, it¡¯s not a joke, it really happened.¡± Luke blushed. Belbuk tapped her spoon on the table. ¡°I told you before kid, there¡¯s no such thing as a Demon Lord. Give it a rest.¡± ¡°But I¡¯m telling the truth. I really did summon him. I saw him, for a moment, before I passed out.¡± Luke looked down at his potatoes. ¡°But Ave as there too! She can tell you.¡± He reached out a hand to Ave. ¡°I saw someone. A man I think. But¡­ that was all.¡± Ave stabbed a carrot. ¡°But Deus! He just said that he fought a Demon Lord. They have to be real.¡± Luke said to the table. ¡°Deus. When did you fight that Demon Lord?¡± Belbuk called across the table. The goose cupped a feather under its chin. ¡°Hmmm. Whet me see. Back during the Age of Darkness.¡± ¡°And how many years ago was that?¡± ¡°Hmmm. It is hard to say.¡± ¡°Was it five years ago?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°No.¡± Deus spoke thoughtfully. ¡°Fifty?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Was it five hundred years ago? Maybe more?¡± ¡°That sounds correct.¡± ¡°And what did you eat for lunch today?¡± ¡°Er¡­ I want to say¡­ cabbage?¡± Belbuk pursed her lips at Luke. ¡°Not exactly a reliable witness.¡± Luke stood up and waved his arms. ¡°But, but he¡¯s a magical creature. If he¡¯s real then Demon Lords must be real as well.¡± Belbuk rolled her eyes. ¡°Listen to yourself. You crawled into my cabin out of the rain, you begged me to help you fight a legendary monster, you tell me that you¡¯re on the run from the Capital Guards, and the only one at this table that can confirm that Demon Lords are even real is a giant talking goose.¡± She put her elbows on the table. ¡°You said it yourself. You passed out right after it happened. Do you really think that you summoned one of the most dangerous creatures the world has ever known or do you think that maybe you misunderstood what happened to you?¡± Belbuk stirred her potatoes. Luke sat down quietly. Deus nibbled a hunk of potato. # Luke dunked a bowl into the washbasin. Ash stood next to him at the kitchen counter and dried a spoon. Belbuk carried the last pot in and set it on the counter. She stretched her neck. ¡°It¡¯s been a long day. We should all head to bed early.¡± She turned and walked out of the kitchen. ¡°Belbuk.¡± Luke spoke. ¡°Hmmm?¡± Belbuk didn¡¯t turn around. ¡°I¡­ I wanted to thank you for letting us stay here.¡± Luke said. ¡°Don¡¯t mention it kid.¡± Belbuk walked into the living room. ¡°Alright Ave let¡¯s get you upstairs and back into your pillow fort of sadness.¡± Ave hopped up the stairs. Belbuk and Eins followed after her. # ¡°And that was when the Queen of the Swans demanded that I become her royah consort. Which was a problem you see as I was ahready a diphomatic envoy of the Sparrow Triumvirate.¡± Deus bobbed its head up and down with excitement. ¡°Is that right?¡± Ash feigned interest. He reached out to the checkerboard that was placed between them and moved a piece. Deus studied the game board. ¡°Indeed. Pohitics, as with everything, is a game of power. A game of positioning. A game¡­ of viohence.¡± Deus used a wing to move a piece on the other side of the checkerboard. *Sigh* Ash replaced the four other pieces that were scattered by the bird''s feathers back into their proper positions. Ash moved one of his pieces. ¡°I¡¯ve always found that it¡¯s better to avoid violence. There¡¯s no point in getting into a fight if you can¡¯t win.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no such thing as a pointless fight! Every competition has a winner and a whoser. There is no exception.¡± ¡°Sure. Sure.¡± Ash put his head in his hand. ¡°Every competition, no matter how tiny, shows us what peophe are prepared to fight for.¡± The goose shoved some more pieces across the board. *Clatter* *Sigh* Ash leaned under the table to pick some of the game pieces off of the floor. Deus moved one of his remaining pieces into a more favorable position. # Ave sat on her cot in front of the second floor windows. She kept her leg propped up on a cushion at the end. Eins was perched on a pile of pillows behind her. The dog used a tiny comb to brush her hair. A single candle flickered on the windowsill. ¡°I¡¯m glad that you got up and about today.¡± Eins said. ¡°Hmmm?¡± Ave replied noncommittally. ¡°I was begging to think you were becoming a part of the furniture.¡± ¡°Uh huh.¡± The dog found a difficult tangle of hair. Eins licked the comb a few times then forced the teeth through the tangle. Eins gave a satisfied nod and put the comb away on the windowsill. The dog pattered over to a corner of the landing. ¡°By the way. Now that you are up again. What did you want to do with this?¡± Eins pulled aside one of the rain slickers from a pile in the corner. Ave¡¯s breastplate had been hidden under the pile. Ave rolled over and pulled a quilt over her head. ¡°I don¡¯t care. Use it as a dog bowl if you want.¡± *Sigh* Eins covered the breastplate back up. The dog jumped up onto the cot and blew out the candle. # Luke walked out of the kitchen. ¡°Can I interest anyone in some after dinner tea?¡± Luke asked. He held up a ceramic teapot for the rest of the room to see. ¡°Tea? Yes, thank you. I might take a drop or two.¡± Deus acquiesced. Luke held out the teapot. The goose scooped the entire tea kettle into its beak. It tilted its head back. *Glug*Glug*Glug*Gurgle* Deus spit the empty kettle back into Luke¡¯s hands. ¡°Very refreshing. *Yawn* And now I must whay down and whet my dinner digest.¡± Deus rubbed its bulky stomach with a wing. Ash whispered. Luke whispered back. # Ave whispered from under the blankets. Eins breathed slowly for a few seconds. The dog spoke into the night. # ¡°Snooore¡­ honkhonkhonk¡­ Snooore¡­ honkhonkhonk¡­¡± Deus was curled up in one corner of the living room. The goose¡¯s enormous head was cradled beneath one of its massive wings. Ash stripped down to his short pants. He pulled a straw mattress out from behind the shelves. Ash spread the bedding out on the floor of the living room and laid down. He adjusted his blanket. He tried to close his eyes and ignore the snoring waterfowl only a few footsteps away from him. ¡°Ash?¡± Luke hissed over the snores. ¡°What?¡± Ash called back. ¡°Can I sleep with you tonight?¡± Luke asked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°It¡¯s cold.¡± Luke pleaded. *A cold wind shook the window panes of the Cabin* ¡°Why don¡¯t you get an extra blanket?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because Deus is sleeping on top of all of my bedding. Also you¡¯re my best friend.¡± *Grumble* ¡°Fine. Get in here.¡± Ash lifted up his blanket. ¡°But face the other way.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Luke shimmied under the cover. ¡°Try not to disturb me when you wake up in the middle of the night.¡± Ash chided him. ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± Luke said. # Crickets chirped. Deus snored. The bones of the Cabin creaked like the mast of a ship at sea. Luke whispered. Ash didn¡¯t open his eyes. Luke asked. Ash asked. Luke was quiet. Ash rolled onto his back. ¡°We¡¯re brothers.¡± he said. Luke rolled onto his back. ¡°Even after all of this time.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± Crickets chirped. Deus snored. ¡°There¡¯s no point in thinking about it. It¡¯s all in the past now. Let¡¯s get some sleep.¡± Ash rolled back over. Luke rolled over. The crickets chirped. Deus snore- ¡°Oh crap!¡± Ash bolted upright with a shout. ¡°What?¡± Luke looked up at him in confusion. ¡°I should have grabbed that magic sword!¡± Ash exclaimed. Pull 21 Luke walked up a hill south of the Cabin. *Flap*Flap*Flap* There was a heavy *Thud* as Deus landed on the ground next to him. ¡°Oh! Wow! Deus you startled me. I didn¡¯t hear you flying.¡± Deus spread its wings. ¡°With the power of the wind I can drift through the air whike a wheaf on the breeze.¡± ¡°I see.¡± Luke kept on walking. Deus fell into step beside Luke. The two of them waddle/walked for several minutes. The goose turned its head to the left. Then to the right. ¡°Are we pacing in cirches?¡± Deus asked. ¡°Huh? Oh I guess we are.¡± Luke responded absentmindedly. ¡°Is there any specific reason you are making a circuit of this grassy hummock?¡± Deus honked. ¡°Yeah. I come out here in the morning to do the dailies. But I guess it¡¯s the two of us doing it now. Sometimes the nodes are hard to find so we have to walk around the woods a little bit.¡± Luke wiped some sweat away. ¡°But I don¡¯t mind. It was part of the deal we made with Belbuk to allow us to stay in the Cabin.¡± Deus nodded. ¡°Of course. I understand. Services rendered and what.¡± Luke¡¯s hands clenched, then unclenched. ¡°Deus? Did you really fight a Demon Lord?¡± ¡°Indeed I did. Just as I said. Many distant years ago.¡± ¡°Then Demon Lords are real.¡± ¡°Very. And very dangerous too.¡± ¡°So if someone was to summon one¡­¡± ¡°It wouhd be a catastrophe. A return to the Age of Darkness.¡± Deus shook its head. ¡°But I cannot imagine anyone being so incautious and daft as to doom their worhd by summoning such a creature.¡± Luke frowned. Deus continued. ¡°It is a good thing that they were awh defeated so many years ago.¡± ¡°But if there was one¡­ If someone were to¡­ Oh? We¡¯re there.¡± Luke started. ¡°We are where?¡± ¡°At the mana node. Can you feel it?¡± ¡°Oh yes. I think I can.¡± Deus nodded. Luke held out a hand. He concentrated for a second. ¡°It should be just past these bushes and¡­ oh rat tails.¡± ¡°What is the matter?¡± Luke peeked through the bushes ahead of them. ¡°There¡¯s some kind of wild animal at the node.¡± Deus and Luke raised their heads out of the bushes. A large porcupine was sitting on a log and *Crunch*Crunch*Crunching* the bark between its teeth. ¡°This happens sometimes. Out here in the forest there are wild animals that will wander into the mana points.¡± Luke whispered. ¡°What do we do now?¡± Deus whispered back. Luke crouched on his knees. ¡°Nothing. It should leave eventually. We have all day. We¡¯ll wait for it to move on.¡± *Fifteen seconds later* Deus hopped up. ¡°This is taking too long.¡± The giant goose waddled forward. The porcupine looked up in surprise. Deus waved a wing dismissively. ¡°You there. Begone. Go on. Retreat with haste.¡± The porcupine curled and brandished its spines. Luke jumped up. ¡°Deus wait!¡± ¡°Be away. Shoo.¡± Deus carelessly kicked some dirt with one of its cat-like paws. The base of its foot ever so slightly grazed the edge of the porcupine¡¯s crown of quills. ^^^Point^^^ ¡°Ahhh!¡± Deus fell to the ground. ¡°The pain! Ohhh. Honkhonkhonkhonk!¡± The porcupine took this opportunity to flee into the depths of the forest. Deus held its wings protectively over its foot. The goose rolled back and forth on the ground. It kicked up a cloud of dust and leaves. ¡°Deus? Are you okay?¡± Luke ran over and kneeled down. ¡°No, I am not okay. That terribhe creature wounded me. Honk honk.¡± ¡°There was no reason to get so close to it. If you had only waited¡­¡± ¡°Why? Why didn¡¯t you warn me!?¡± The goose accused. ¡°I tried.¡± Luke defended himself. ¡°You didn¡¯t try hard enough. Now observe me.¡± Luke tried to hold the giant bird still. ¡°Hold on. Let me get the quills¡­¡± ¡°Oh! Oh the pain. What torment! And to think that this never wouhd have happened if you had not brought me to this site.¡± Deus warbled. ¡°What?¡± Luke blinked. Deus held up one of the large primaries feathers on the tip of its wing to Luke¡¯s lips. ¡°No no no. You don¡¯t have to say that you are sorry. Besides you could not have known that this wouhd happen. You are but a chihd. A sweet baby faced innocent with no forethought of the dire consequences your actions might cause.¡± Deus used a wing to brush Luke¡¯s bangs out of his face. ¡°I don¡¯t bhame you. Even though you are entirehy in the wrong.¡± ¡°I¡­ uh¡­ yeah. Here let me put the quills out of your foot.¡± Luke struggled. The goose rolled over and lifted its foot. Luke looked down to see a single hair thin quill embedded in Deus¡¯ paw. Deus whimpered. ¡°If you wouhd kindhy hurry. I¡¯m getting dirt under my toes.¡± Luke frowned. ¡°There¡¯s only one.¡± ¡°Exacthy. Awh of my pain is concentrated in a singhe spot. What unfathomed torture it is.¡± Deus bemoaned. ¡°Alright. Alright. Let me get it out.¡± Luke delicately put two fingers on the end of the quill and *Poinked* it out of the goose¡¯s paw. Deus instantly hopped up. ¡°Oh yes. Thank you my good boy. You have taken one step towards redeeming yoursehf after instigating this despondent scenario.¡± Luke tossed the quill over his shoulder. ¡°Yes. Good. Anything I can do to help.¡± ¡°You can handle the rest. I¡¯m going to head back. Remember what I said about no one being stupid enough to doom the worhd.¡± Deus flapped off into the sky. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. # *Grunt* Ash pulled up. *Wheeze* Ash released. *Grunt* Ash pulled again. *Wheeze*Cough*Cough* Ash let his arms relax. He hung in the air with his hands holding onto the tree branch above his head. His knees were bent so that his feet didn¡¯t touch the ground. Sweat ran down the sides of his face. Ash had thrown his shirt over another branch. With another *Gruuunt* Ash pulled his body up towards the branch above him. *Ker-Snap* Ash slammed into the ground on his tailbone. The branch he had been doing pullups on fell down and bounced off of his chest. ¡°Ahhh! Oh man! Oh crap!¡± he yelled in pain. Ash rolled around on the ground trying to rub his chest and his butt at the same time. After a few seconds his groans of pain devolved into another series of *Wheeze*Cough*Coughing*. Ash spread his arms and legs out flat on the ground. Deus¡¯ head craned into view. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°Ahhh! Great gopher gonads! Deus what the crap are you doing here? How long have you been watching me?¡± Ash shouted in surprise. ¡°I have been here for some time. You were very invested. You did not notice me at awh.¡± The goose replied. ¡°How did you sneak up on me?¡± Deus raised one of its cat-like feet. ¡°I have soft paws. I am very quiet for my size.¡± The goose chuckled. ¡°Great¡­¡± Ash stood up. He retrieved his shirt and put it on. ¡°Do you often come here to break the branches off of trees?¡± Deus asked. ¡°No. I come out here to work.¡± ¡°This is your work? You have a strange profession.¡± ¡°No. This isn¡¯t¡­ I¡¯m burning charcoal.¡± Ash sputtered. Deus looked down at the branch on the ground. Then looked back up at Ash. ¡°This is a tree branch.¡± The goose stated. ¡°I know this is a tree! The charcoal is over here.¡± Ash shouted. He walked a few meters away. There was a clearing at the edge of the woods. A layer of gravel had been laid down around the perimeter. At the center there was a mound of wet dirt. Curls of smoke and steam drifted off of the mound. Ash sat down at the edge of the clearing. Deus waddled up and sat down beside him. ¡°What is that?¡± The goose asked. ¡°It¡¯s a charcoal pile.¡± Ash replied without looking up. ¡°It doesn¡¯t look very big.¡± Deus said as the goose looked at the mound. ¡°It doesn¡¯t need to be big. It¡¯s charcoal. It¡¯s fine as long as it burns.¡± Ash pulled at the sleeve of his shirt. ¡°Then why does Whuke continue to chop wood?¡± ¡°That¡¯s for the stove.¡± ¡°Then what is this for?¡± ¡°This is also for the stove. Only not, all the time. Sometimes. Charcoal burns hotter. It requires more care when used in cooking.¡± Ash exasperated. ¡°Honk, honk, honk.¡± Deus considered this as it stared at the charcoal mound. ¡°Are you sure that it is working?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°There¡¯s not much fire.¡± Deus clicked its tongue. ¡°There isn¡¯t supposed to be.¡± ¡°Then how does it burn?¡± ¡°It¡¯s burning inside.¡± ¡°So there is fire.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°But we can not see it?¡± ¡°Yes. No. The fire is contained inside the pile. It¡¯s part of the process.¡± ¡°The fire is under the dirt?¡± ¡°Yes. ¡°Are you sure or are you just bad at this? ¡°What?¡± Deus held up a wing. ¡°It is fine to admit that you are unabhe to achieve an amateur objective. Such as burning wood.¡± ¡°What!? No. The charcoal is inside the mound. It¡¯s working, you just can¡¯t see it.¡± Ash kept pulling his shirt into place. ¡°Now now, it is none of my concern if you are burying awh of those broken tree branches in a mound of dirt because you can¡¯t make a reah fire. Whuke can continue to chop wood. He is very good at it.¡± Deus shook its head. ¡°I¡¯m good at this! Charcoal is objectively better than wood!¡± Ash stood up. Deus flapped its wings. The giant bird began to rise into the air. Dirt and twigs were blasted into Ash¡¯s face. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± Deus called down to Ash. ¡°I intend to inform the others that they do not need to count on you and that they shouhd continue to do awh of the work at the Cabin. You keep breaking trees or whatever other things you are doing out here. I am sure that one day you wiwh find a job that you are competent enough to finish. See you back at the Cabin!¡± Deus winged away. Ash twisted the fabric of his shirt so hard one of the sleeves ripped. ¡°Dammit!¡± # *Ker-Thud* Deus landed heavily on the second story windowsill of Belbuk¡¯s Cabin. Using a clawed foot the bird opened the window and snaked its head inside. ¡°Eins? Are you here Eins?¡± Deus trumpeted. ¡°Yes, yes. I¡¯m here. What is it?¡± Eins hopped up onto the cot in front of the window. ¡°There you are. I was whooking for you.¡± the goose honked. ¡°Well you found me.¡± Eins replied. ¡°Wait a moment I am coming inside.¡± Deus heaved the bulk of its body against the way too small window frame. *Thud* *Shudder* *Foop* There was an explosion of feathers as Deus jammed its body through the window. The goose landed heavily on top of the cot by the window. The frame of the cot in front of the window *Creaked* under the bird¡¯s weight. ¡°I wanted to speak with you about your retainers.¡± Deus clucked. ¡°My retainers?¡± Eins looked confused. ¡°Yes, the two boys.¡± ¡°Luke and Ash?¡± ¡°That is right.¡± ¡°They¡¯re not really my retainers¡­¡± Eins scratched an ear. ¡°What? Why not?¡± ¡°I never asked them. I didn¡¯t really see the need for it.¡± Eins said. ¡°We are gods! We deserve retainers.¡± Deus trumpeted. Eins sniffed. ¡°Yeah¡­ Humans don¡¯t, always, believe, that.¡± ¡°By the way, wasn¡¯t there another one?¡± Deus asked. ¡°Yes. Ave.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. What happened to that one?¡± ¡°She¡¯s right here. You¡¯re sitting on her.¡± Eins pointed at the cot. Deus craned its head down. Ave was pinned to the mattress under the goose¡¯s bulk. A single feather rested on her nose. ¡°Oh right. There you are.¡± The bird clucked. ¡°What is the matter? You do not appear somewhat more red in the face than usuah.¡± Ave wheezed through gritted teeth. ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯re sitting on me, you great inane airbag.¡± Deus turned back to Eins. ¡°As I was saying. Why bother asking. A retainer is a mark of status. Why just whook at me.¡± ¡°Oh yes. You have Belbuk.¡± Eins nodded. Deus speak its wings. Random feathers scattered across the second floor landing. ¡°Behbuk is my whoyah retainer.¡± ¡°Congratulations. She seems quite competent. She said she¡¯s an Alchemist.¡± ¡°She is a genius and a visionary.¡± ¡°You¡¯re lucky to have such an influential follower. You must feel very honored.¡± ¡°It is her that has the honor. Serving as a god¡¯s retainer is magnificent mission for mere mortahs.¡± ¡°Right.¡± Eins looked down. ¡°Can you get off of me?¡± Ave asked. Deus droned on. ¡°This is why I worry for you Eins. So tiny. So timid. How did you ever find such unimpressive servants in the first phace?¡± Eins chewed a paw. ¡°Well it wasn¡¯t intentional. There was this Donjon you see, I was just visiting, and we were being chased by a Manticore at the time¡­¡± ¡°Really Eins. A Manticore? Are you telling me you whet a such a wretched beast threaten you.¡± ¡°Well, that is, it all happened really fast okay?¡± Eins grumbled. ¡°Will you please get off of me?¡± Ave raised her voice. ¡°We are the ghorious.¡± Deus honked. ¡°Spirits meant to guide and protect the mortahs. We are to seek out the best of them. Not some poofy aristocrat or some stick boy or¡­ Hmmm¡­ what was the third one?¡± Deus clicked its tongue. ¡°Get off!¡± Ave yelled. Deus looked down. ¡°There is no need to shout.¡± Deus pompously posturated pleasantly. ¡°You¡¯re still sitting on me.¡± Ave hissed through her teeth. ¡°Oh my. Wouhd you see that? I am. Why didn¡¯t you say something?¡± Deus chuckled. ¡°I did.¡± ¡°No I do not think so. I wouhd have noticed that.¡± Deus tapped its beak with a feather. ¡°Fine! I¡¯ll do it myself!¡± Ave bared her teeth. Ave put her hands against the goose¡¯s backside. She pushed with all of her might. Deus slowly tilted to the side as she shoved. Deus looked around in confusion as it was lifted up 45 degrees. ¡°What is happening?¡± Ave¡¯s arms shook with the effort. The cot gave a *Crrreeeaaa¡­K!* and snapped in half. Deus fell back over and pinned Ave between the quilts and the mattress with its fluffy mass. ¡°FFFhhhhnnnnhhhkkk!¡± Ave screamed in frustration into the goose¡¯s downy body. ¡°Honk honk. See what you have done now.¡± Deus shifted its weight from the cot back to the windowsill. Ave gasped a lungful of air. ¡°This is why you shouhd not jump on furniture.¡± Deus looked around the landing. ¡°Take a view at the mess you have made. There are feathers, quihts, and pieces of wood scattered awh over the ground.¡± Deus turned. ¡°I trust you can pick up after yoursehf. Very good. Think about what I said Eins. You too bed-person.¡± Deus clucked. The bird jammed its body back through the window. With a great *Flap* the goose took off into the sky. Feathers scattered everywhere. ¡°Aaarrraaaggghhh!¡± Ave flipped the cot over. Pull 22 Bitter Luke stepped in through the Cabin door. He sniffed the air. ¡°What is that smell?¡± he asked himself. Luke walked into the kitchen of the Cabin. A cloud of steam obscured the room. He could hear the sound of bubbling water and sizzling oil. ¡°What is happening?¡± Luke looked around in shock. Ash¡¯s head poked out of the fog. ¡°I¡¯m making dinner.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Luke looked confused. ¡°You don¡¯t have to do that.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Ash shot back. ¡°I can do it just as well as you can. Or am I not allowed?¡± ¡°Huh? No. It¡¯s fine.¡± Luke backed out of the kitchen. ¡°I told him he didn¡¯t have to do it.¡± Ave said. Luke jumped. ¡°Oh Ave. There you are. I didn¡¯t see you when I came in.¡± Ave was sitting in the corner of the living room. Eins sat next to her. ¡°He wanted to do it by himself.¡± she said. ¡°I told him he could just wait until you got back.¡± Eins said. ¡°What did he say?¡± Luke asked. ¡°He insisted on making dinner himself.¡± Eins barked. ¡°He didn¡¯t listen. No one ever does. Wanted to do it all by himself.¡± Ave crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. Eins sat quietly on a bench beside her. Luke scratched his scalp. ¡°I suppose it is my fault for being late.¡± There was a *Crunch* from the second floor landing. The floorboards let out a *Creak*. Deus waddled down the stairs. The goose¡¯s giant body *Squeaked* against the railings. ¡°Is dinner ready yet?¡± Deus asked. ¡°Almost!¡± Ash shouted from the kitchen. ¡°Fantastic. I¡¯m starving.¡± Deus honked. # Ash placed several pans, plates, and pots onto the table. He de-lided the pots. A mixture of steam, smoke, and condensation covered the dining room table. ¡°Everyone dig in.¡± Ash said. Luke, Ave, Eins, and Deus hesitated. Each pot contained an almost identical pile of beige mush. Luke poked at the contents of one container. ¡°What are these? Mashed potatoes?¡± he asked. ¡°Those are peas.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Oh? Yum.¡± Eins said. ¡°Is this bacon?¡± Ave looked at another dish. ¡°That¡¯s fish.¡± Ash answered. ¡°Looks good.¡± Eins added. ¡°Is this creamed spinach?¡± Deus asked. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°That¡¯s a salad.¡± Ash snipped. ¡°Plenty for everyone.¡± Eins barked. ¡°Either one is fine by me. Honk, honk, honk.¡± Deus buried its bill in the pot. ¡°Wow. Amazing. This is certainhy disgusting. Some of the worst I have ever had. It is a good thing that there is so much of it.¡± ¡°Now, now. This is my fault. I should have come back to the Cabin sooner.¡± Luke said as he filled his plate. ¡°Your fault!? You think my bad cooking has anything to do with you!¡± Ash slammed a spoon down on the table. ¡°I make a completely edible, temperature consistent meal. I guarantee that nothing on this table is undercooked.¡± Ave stirred a pot. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have used charcoal. It¡¯s too hot for the stove.¡± ¡°I am a master of charcoal! I can handle it.¡± Ash barked. ¡°Now, now, I¡¯m sure everything will taste fine.¡± Eins waved both paws at the table. ¡°Very well. Is there any salt?¡± Ave asked politely. ¡°Here.¡± Ash replied politely. He placed a salt shaker in front of her. ¡°Butter?¡± ¡°Also here.¡± he slid a butter dish over the table. ¡°Cilantro?¡± ¡°Chopped it.¡± ¡°Garlic?¡± ¡°Minced it.¡± ¡°Pepper?¡± ¡°Cracked it.¡± ¡°Saffron?¡± ¡°What? Saffron!?¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Never mind.¡± Ave set to work. She scooped up repeating layers of condiments and piled them on top of the grey mush on the table in front of her. Ash gave her progress a critical eye. ¡°Are there any toppings you don¡¯t need?¡± ¡°Hey. You cooked it how you liked and now I get to season it how I like.¡± she shot back. ¡°You¡¯re not seasoning it, you''re burying it.¡± ¡°Well that¡¯s appropriate because your food tastes like dirt. I feel like I should be eating it with a trowel.¡± Ave shouted. Deus looked up. ¡°Do you want one? I can get one for you.¡± The goose straightened its neck ¡°Hork, hooork¡­¡± ¡°At least I¡¯ve done something to help around here!¡± Ash said with an aggressive yet passive tone. Ave¡¯s wooden spoon *Cracked* in half. ¡°Are you serious!? Who do you think has been doing the laundry for the last two weeks? Did you never wonder who changed all the towels and blankets in the Cabin while you were out humping trees in the woods?¡± ¡°How selfish can you be? We¡¯ve been doing all this for you. You¡¯re supposed to be recovering. Now you say you¡¯ve been running up and down the stairs changing sheets. Why didn¡¯t you ask for help?¡± Ash outburst. ¡°Ignoring your friends and making a mess isn¡¯t helping! This dinner of yours only proves that you wouldn¡¯t listen to me anyway.¡± Ave shouted. ¡°Come on everyone. No need to get angry.¡± Eins raised a paw. ¡°Hork, horrrk¡­¡± Luke put up his hands. ¡°Listen you two I can fix this. I¡¯ll remake the entire meal. There¡¯s no need to fight.¡± Ash turned on him. ¡°My meal isn¡¯t the problem.¡± he pointed. ¡°And you don¡¯t always have to fix things.¡± ¡°Yes I do.¡± Luke voice got higher. ¡°This is my responsibility.¡± And higher. ¡°I have to make it right!¡± he yelled. ¡°Neither of you would be in this situation if it wasn¡¯t for me.¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°Sure¡­¡± ¡°What does that mean?¡± Luke shouted. He stood up suddenly. The color drained from his features. ¡°You¡­ you do believe me don¡¯t you?¡± Ash said nothing. ¡°You, you have to believe me. I¡¯m telling the truth. I¡¯m the one that messed everything up. I ran away from the Capital. I summoned a Demon Lord. It¡¯s my fault.¡± Luke pointed across the table. ¡°Ave, you were there. Tell him.¡± Ave played with the end of her spoon. ¡°I saw¡­ something. Just a man. Maybe it¡¯s like Belbuk said. Maybe there are no Demon Lords anymore. Maybe there never were.¡± Luke ran both hands through his hair. ¡°Please, I¡¯m, I¡¯m not¡­¡± ¡°Hork, hooorkkk¡­¡± *Gulp-Pshuuu* A garden trowel was ejected out of Deus¡¯ beak at maximum speed. The tool impacted a chaffing dish in the middle of the table. The ceramic dish shattered on contact splattering sticky gruel across the room. Ash wiped mush out of his eyes. ¡°Great.¡± He turned to Luke. ¡°Is this your fault too?¡± *Whimper* Everyone at the table turned. Eins¡¯ nose twitched. Huge wet tears were running down the dog¡¯s face like twin waterfalls. ¡°This was a mistake.¡± Eins blubbered. ¡°This always happens. *Sniffle* I should have never left the Donjon. *Sob* I hate fighting. Awowowo¡± ¡°Eins¡­ no, we¡­¡± Ave tried to say. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have come here. I only make things worse. Awowowo. Goodbye.¡± There was a *Puff* of smoke. Eins was gone. Pull 23 ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°Where is he?¡± ¡°Check under the table!¡± Luke, Ave, and Ash jumped to their feet. They scrambled around the room. ¡°I don¡¯t see him anywhere.¡± ¡°Eins?¡± ¡°Eins?¡± ¡°Did he disappear?¡± ¡°Eins?¡± ¡°What was that smoke?¡± *Stomp*Stomp*Stomp* Belbuk jumped down to the bottom of the stairs. ¡°What in the wide world is wrong with you wang wranglers!? I said that you could stay here. I didn¡¯t say that you could have a mental breakdown in my living room!¡± she shouted. ¡°Belbuk. It¡¯s Eins. He disappeared. We can¡¯t find him.¡± Luke pleaded. ¡°The dog vanished during dinner time? I don¡¯t believe that.¡± Belbuk raised an eyebrow. ¡°It¡¯s true. There was a puff of smoke and now he¡¯s gone.¡± Ash added. ¡°We can¡¯t find him.¡± Ave said. ¡°And what were you all doing when this happened?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°We were, that is, the garden trowel, it¡­¡± Ash trailed off. Luke, Ave, and Ash looked down at the ground. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? No more shouting? Nothing to say now that a real adult is in the room?¡± Belbuk pursed her lips. ¡°It¡¯s all my fault.¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°You¡¯re trying to take credit for this too?¡± Ave snarked. ¡°Why do you care? You don¡¯t believe me.¡± Luke shouted. ¡°Of course I believe you, you idiot. I was there.¡± Ave shouted back. ¡°Here we go¡­¡± Belbuk sat down at the table. She started serving herself from the remaining plates. Ave continued. ¡°I was in the room when the three most powerful people in the kingdom asked you to summon the most dangerous creature our world has ever known. And do you know what I was doing? Nothing. I was standing in the corner, waiting, in case someone needed a drink refill. And you.¡± She pointed at Ash. ¡°Your friend traveled halfway across the kingdom to beg you for help and now you say that you don¡¯t believe him?¡± Luke gave Ash a pleading look. ¡°I don¡¯t. Because I don¡¯t want to.¡± Ash hunched his shoulders. ¡°Do you really not trust me that much?¡± Luke implored. ¡°No! It¡¯s not that. It¡¯s¡­ I don¡¯t want to believe that you really are the most important person in the world.¡± Ash tugged his sleeve. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to believe that the most important person in the kingdom could need my help. I¡¯m nobody. What can I do?¡± Ash pulled at his shirt collar. ¡°Ash. That¡¯s not true. The truth is I envy you.¡± Luke rubbed the back of his neck. ¡°You envy me?¡± Ash looked up. ¡°Of course!¡± ¡°Why?¡± Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Because you always know what to do. You never let anyone push you around. Whenever we get into trouble you always have a plan to fix it. I wish I was half as confident as you are. Why do you think I came all this way to ask for your help?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the stupidest thing I¡¯ve ever heard!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°What?¡± Luke said in shock. ¡°I¡¯m the one who is envious of you!¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°Look at you! You went off to the Capital. You lived in a castle. You got super strong. You were famous.¡± Ash slammed a hand down on the table. ¡°Yeah but I didn¡¯t do anything to deserve it. I didn¡¯t earn any of it. It was all luck.¡± ¡°So what? Look at me. I never did anything. I never went anywhere. I was never good enough, or lucky enough to accomplish anything.¡± Ash threw some mashed peas at Luke. They splattered against Luke¡¯s shirt. ¡°Accomplish? I was tricked into summoning a world ending monster because I was too scared to say no. And then I ran away without even trying to fix it.¡± Luke threw some back. ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯m talking about. Even your mistakes are so much more impressive than mine. I would love to have endangered the world. Even once!¡± Mush sailed across the table, back and forth. ¡°You can¡¯t blame me for not giving you an opportunity to destroy the world.¡± Luke shouted. ¡°Well you can¡¯t blame me for wishing for an opportunity I didn¡¯t have.¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°What?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know anymore!¡± Luke threw up his hands. # ¡°They are starting to throw the food. I shouhd eat faster.¡± Deus said with its beak buried in a pot of gruel. ¡°No rush.¡± Belbuk remarked. ¡°This food might be better on the floor. It would add some flavor.¡± # ¡°And you!¡± Ash pointed a sticky potato covered hand at Ave. ¡°Why won¡¯t you let us help you?¡± ¡°Excuse me?¡± Ave puffed out her chest. ¡°You¡¯re clearly the smartest one here. And the most capable. But you never ask anyone for help. You almost seem to like standing behind everyone else in the background.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a big deal.¡± Ave shrugged. ¡°It is a big deal. You¡¯ve been doing the laundry for weeks. And taking care of Eins. And cleaning the leftover dishes in the sink.¡± Ash pressed. ¡°How did you know?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Luke always forgets. He¡¯s used to having servants. And I didn¡¯t want to say anything¡­ because you do it better than me.¡± Ash hunched his shoulders. ¡°Also you broke your foot fighting a Shadowbeast inside a Dungeon and never once complained.¡± Luke added. ¡°I was, it wasn¡¯t important at the time.¡± Ave let her hair fall down in front of her face. ¡°It was important! Luke and I aren¡¯t the smartest people.¡± Ash stated. Ave looked over at the two boys covered with mushy peas. Ash continued. ¡°So when something is bothering you, you need to tell us.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t want to ignore you Ave. But if you don¡¯t talk to us we won¡¯t know if anything is wrong.¡± Luke fiddled with his bangs. ¡°Are we still angry or are we complimenting each other now?¡± Ave snorted. ¡°I can¡¯t tell! I have completely lost track of my emotions!¡± Ash shouted. The three of them sat down at the table. # ¡°Is there any more bacon-fish?¡± Honked Deus. # Ash turned to Luke. ¡°Listen. You¡¯re my best friend. No matter what happens I will always trust you. Even if what you say sounds unbelievable.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± Said Luke. ¡°That¡¯s the stupidest thing I¡¯ve ever heard.¡± Squawked Deus. ¡°Give it a rest Deus.¡± Belbuk elbowed the goose in the chest. ¡°I am being perfect and serious. To behieve someone forever without thought or consideration is absurd. Everyone has a secret. Everyone hides truths. Everyone spins fabrications. And forever¡­ is a great stretch of time.¡± The goose tisked at them. ¡°But you, you said, that I was¡­¡± Luke stuttered in anger. ¡°Sweet skunk scrotums, how dense can you kids be? Did you really take advice from a talking bird?¡± Belbuk put her feet up on the table. Ash looked out the window. ¡°We didn¡¯t¡­ it wasn¡¯t like that¡­¡± ¡°Really? So nothing he said bothered you?¡± Belbuk looked around the table. ¡°He didn¡¯t inspire you to prove yourself? Or make a confession? Or assert yourself?¡± *Silence* Deus shrugged. ¡°Do not bhame me. It is your stupid monkey brained psychohogy that¡¯s causing you to be so upset about everything. A noble bird wouhd never be bothered by such trite observations.¡± Belbuk put a hand on Deus¡¯ beak. ¡°Listen to me you absolute children. Deus is a thousand year old oversized seagull. It has no understanding of human emotions. Believe me.¡± ¡°Nonsense.¡± Deus clucked. ¡°My advice, as much as mysehf, is ghorious. Honk, honk, honk.¡± Ave brandished a fork. ¡°I¡¯ve had enough of that damn bird and, oh crap! Eins!¡± She jumped up. ¡°He¡¯s gone!¡± Belbuk waved a ladle lazily in loops. ¡°Everybody relax. Eins probably isn¡¯t gone.¡± ¡°But he disappeared. Right in front of us.¡± Luke spoke up. *Sigh* ¡°Deus. Where is Eins?¡± Belbuk put the question to the goose. Deus paused. The goose lifted its chin, then pointed to the bedrolls in the corner. ¡°Over there.¡± Ave, Luke, and Ash jumped up. They rushed over to the bedrolls. Luke and Ash lifted them up. Ave knelt down. There was a small white lump just under the covers. Ave reached to grab it. ¡°Oh Eins. There you¡­¡± She grunted as she picked up the lump. Ave held up a small dog shaped stone statue in her hands. ¡°Holy moonbeams! What happened? Is he dead!?¡± Ave screeched. ¡°Take it easy. Eins isn¡¯t dead. It takes a lot more than teenage hormones to kill a spirit.¡± Belbuk prodded Deus with a boot. ¡°Trust me. I¡¯ve been trying to kill this guy for a while.¡± Deus raised a wing. ¡°Yet I whive. Honk, honk, honk.¡± Deus chuckled. Pull 24 Ave held the dog shaped figurine in her hands. It was roughly the same size and shape as Eins had been when the canine was ¡®alive¡¯. ¡°Did he¡­ turn into a statue?¡± Luke examined the dog shaped statue. ¡°Not a statue really. But yes, looks like a rock.¡± Belbuk looked over his shoulder. ¡°How, did, this, even, happen?¡± Ave said haltingly. Belbuk started wiping down the table. ¡°I told you before. Spirits aren¡¯t really living creatures. They¡¯re made of mana. They can turn their bodies into different things. Even inorganic things. Typically they look like animals.¡± Belbuk looked at Deus. The goose nibbled a wooden spoon in its beak. ¡°Or, well, kind of like animals.¡± Belbuk shook her head. Ave set the dog rock on the table. ¡°How do we change him back?¡± she asked. ¡°That might be difficult.¡± Belbuk said. Luke leaned in. ¡°Eins? Eins can you hear me buddy? We¡¯re sorry for fighting. You can change back.¡± Ash tapped the statue. ¡°Eins? Can you hear us? *Whistle* Are you in there?¡± ¡°You guys can stop. You are literally talking to a rock.¡± Belbuk waved her hand at them. ¡°Will he get better?¡± Ave asked. Belbuk tapped the dog rock with a spoon. ¡°Hard to tell.¡± She mused. ¡°Completely stone now. No eyes or ears. No sensory organs of any kind. You¡¯re going to have to wait. Whether Eins turns back or not isn¡¯t up to us right now.¡± # Dinner was over. Luke finished pushing the table and chairs out of the way in the living room of the Cabin. Deus waddled into the pile of bedding in the corner. The goose sat down and started to preen its feathers. Luke put down his blanket on the floor next to Deus¡¯ makeshift nest. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Ash sat up on his mattress. ¡°Getting ready for bed.¡± Luke replied. ¡°You¡¯re going to sleep on the floor?¡± ¡°I thought that it might be better, after everything.¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°Don¡¯t be daft.¡± Ash pulled out his bedding. ¡°Get over here.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be an inconvenience.¡± Luke paused. ¡°Just shut up and grab your pillow. It¡¯s cold.¡± Wind rattled the window panes. It was cold. # Ave stood next to Belbuk in front of the kitchen sink. The plates *Clattered* as Ave washed them. The pots *Shooped* as Belbuk dried them. Ave stared at a spoon. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about before.¡± ¡°Hmmm?¡± muttered Belbuk. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°All of us down in the living room, shouting like that. It was rude. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ave picked at a fork. ¡°It¡¯s fine. Children often throw tantrums. I¡¯m used to it.¡± Belbuk wiped down a lid. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have let Deus get me so upset. The boys are still young, but I¡¯m older than them. I¡¯m an adult.¡± Ave put her whole arm into a grease stain. Belbuk smirked. # Luke rolled over on the mattress. He stared up at the ceiling of the Cabin. He listened to Deus snore. *Snore* ¡°Honk, honk, honk.¡± Luke whispered. Ash rolled over. He also starred up into the darkness of the living room. He listened to Deus snore. *Snore* ¡°Honk, honk, honk.¡± Deus snored in the corner. Ash whispered. Luke asked. *Snore* ¡°Honk, honk, honk.¡± Ash replied. Ash pointed out. Luke said. Luke nodded. Ash admitted. Ash cut him off. Ash mentioned. Luke agreed. ¡°Ave, I¡¯m sorry!¡± yelled Ash. ¡°I¡¯m sorry too!¡± yelled Luke. ¡°Great! But I¡¯m trying to sleep!¡± Was the return yell from upstairs. # Belbuk tucked and rolled down the stairs into the living room. She yawned into the morning light streaming in through the Cabin¡¯s windows. Ash, Luke, and Ave were seated around the living room table. Deus was *Gobbling* up a bowl of porridge. The goose was the only one eating. ¡°Belbuk we think that¡­¡± Luke started. ¡°Nope.¡± Belbuk held up a hand. ¡°Coffee?¡± She inquired. Luke pointed to the kitchen. Belbuk grumbled as she entered the kitchen. *Clatter*Clatter*Pour* Ash, Luke, and Ave waited in the living room. Deus continued to gorge on porridge. Belbuk exited the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand. She blew comfortingly on the contents. *Sip* Belbuk looked around at the others gathered in the living room. ¡°Okay. So can anyone join this pity party or is it by invitation only?¡± she sneered. Ave cleared her throat. ¡°We decided that it was probably best if we left. You¡¯ve been an excellent host but it¡¯s time we got going.¡± ¡°You could have just left in the middle of the night.¡± Belbuk said dryly. ¡°I wanted to.¡± Ash blurted. ¡°It would have been rude.¡± Luke chided. ¡°We didn¡¯t want you to think that we weren¡¯t grateful for your hospitality.¡± Deus looked up. Porridge dripped off of the goose¡¯s beak. ¡°I hope that it was not something that I said?¡± ¡°No Deus, you¡¯re¡­ fine?¡± Luke turned back to Belbuk. ¡°You have been very accommodating to us.¡± Belbuk *Slurped* her coffee. ¡°Well then you should probably get going.¡± She said. ¡°Yes. We probably should.¡± Luke agreed. ¡°Back on your aimless, foolish journey.¡± Belbuk added. ¡°That¡¯s right?¡± Luke agreed? ¡°And as you leave I¡¯m not going to give you any kind of sage advice. Nope. Nothing.¡± Belbuk rambled on. ¡°Uh¡­¡± Luke waffled. *Sssiiippp* Belbuk threw up her hands. ¡°Ah shit, here I go. Don¡¯t be afraid of making mistakes.¡± She pointed at Ash. ¡°Even if it¡¯s embarrassing.¡± She pointed at Ave. ¡°Or if it doesn¡¯t work out how you thought it would.¡± She pointed at Luke. ¡°It happens to everyone.¡± Belbuk pounded back her coffee then slammed the cup down on the table. ¡°Mistakes are how we learn. You have to fix them. Not run from them.¡± Belbuk made eye contact with everyone. She made extended eye contact with Deus. Deus looked away. Belbuk sat down at the dining table. ¡°Also you can¡¯t leave yet.¡± ¡°Why not.¡± Luke asked. *Looonnnggg Sigh* ¡°Because you¡¯re not done with your alchemy training yet.¡± Luke''s smile stretched across his whole face and then some more. Pull 25 Ave cleaned the dishes off of the table from breakfast. She hobbled into the kitchen. Ash stood next to the window of the Cabin¡¯s living room. Belbuk and Luke sat on a bench in front of Ash. ¡°Do I need to have my shirt off for this?¡± Ash asked. He put his hands on his hips. ¡°Only for a little bit. Your skin is so thin we can see all of your bones in perfect detail. You make a great anatomy example.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to help Ave with the dishes. Then I have to feed the chickens. Take care of some stuff in the forest¡­¡± Ash trailed off. Belbuk ignored him. ¡°You see the lymph nodes here?¡± she pointed to Ash¡¯s neck. ¡°I think so.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°Swollen nodes can be an early indicator of a number of ear, nose, and throat diseases. Make sure to check behind the ears but also along the neck and under the chin.¡± Belbuk demonstrated. ¡°Hehe.¡± Ash laughed as Belbuk¡¯s hand moved under his throat. Belbuk slapped his hand. ¡°Stop that. Classroom aids don¡¯t giggle.¡± She moved her hands. ¡°You can also find nodes under the arms.¡± ¡°Hehe.¡± ¡°And down by the groin in the meaty part of the thigh.¡± ¡°Hey! Not so close to my area.¡± Ash complained. ¡°Half the population has a penis. Get over yourself.¡± Belbuk groaned. ¡°Now open up.¡± ¡°Ahhh.¡± Ash opened his mouth. Belbuk continued her lesson. ¡°Examination of the gums is also very important.¡± She poked Ash¡¯s togue. ¡°Discoloration, swelling, or bleeding can all be a sign of disease. Remember what I told you?¡± she asked Luke. Luke rolled his eyes. ¡°Yes. You¡¯ve made me repeat it every day for the last three days.¡± Luke started reciting Belbuk¡¯s teaching in a flat tone. ¡°Alchemy begins with the mouth and ends with the anus.¡± As Luke spoke Ash and Ave mimicked his repetition of the lesson. ¡°... ends with the anus.¡± Belbuk nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right. The human body is a giant tube. It¡¯s the Alchemist''s job to care for the internal workings of that tube. If you can¡¯t get a patient to take care of their mouth then all of the elixirs in the world aren¡¯t going to help them.¡± She turned her attention back to Ash ¡°Now then, have you been brushing your teeth?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Ash droned. ¡°Every night?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°With baking soda?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And you¡¯ve been using flatline to get between the teeth also?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Ash trailed off. Belbuk squirted at him. ¡°Hmmm.¡± She held up a small metal hook. ¡°So if I was to poke your gums with this examining tool, you would be fine with that?¡± Ash¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Yes. Please don¡¯t.¡± Luke repeated. Luke¡¯s face was pale. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°Luke doesn¡¯t like blood.¡± Ash interjected. ¡°Even the thought of it makes me uncomfortable.¡± Luke wiped his forehead. ¡°Boy, you do know that your body is full of blood right?¡± Belbuk chastised him. Luke rubbed his torso. ¡°Right. But as long as it stays inside then I¡¯m fine. That¡¯s why I could never be a Barber.¡± ¡°Or a butcher.¡± Ash added. ¡°Or a tanner.¡± Luke followed up. ¡°Fisherman.¡± ¡°Hunter.¡± ¡°Cleric.¡± Luke rubbed his chin. ¡°Now that I think about it, there weren¡¯t a lot of potential jobs for me in Star Town were there.¡± ¡°This does not make me feel better about taking you on as a student.¡± Belbuk massaged her temples. ¡°You meant apprentice right?¡± Luke asked hopefully. ¡°Student.¡± was Belbuk¡¯s reply. ¡°Luke has always been afraid of blood. Once when we got into a fight in school he hit me in the face and gave me a bloody nose. When he saw the blood he immediately started crying. I wanted to cry too but I was so shocked by his behavior I forgot about the pain. The teacher had to send both of us home.¡± Ash rambled. Belbuk¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°You¡¯re telling me that this boy.¡± She grabbed Luke¡¯s cheeks between her hands and shook his face. ¡°This sunflower right here gave you a bloody nose?¡± Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. ¡°We¡¯re brothers.¡± Luke mumbled. ¡°Okay. It makes a little more sense now.¡± Belbuk admitted. She turned to Ash. ¡°Now put on your shirt and help Ave with the dishes.¡± # Ave stretched out on the upstairs cot. Belbuk removed the cloth bandage around her ankle. ¡°How¡¯s does it feel?¡± Belbuk asked. ¡°Better. Not perfect. But better.¡± Ave replied. ¡°That¡¯s good. Keep off it for a few more days and you can finally put your boots back on.¡± Belbuk wiped her hands. Ave leaned back on the cot. She looked out the window. Belbuk clicked her tongue. ¡°Anything else?¡± *Sigh* ¡°No. Well, not really. Only¡­¡± Ave rolled over. She pulled her breastplate out from under a pile of blankets. ¡°Do you perhaps have any polish?¡± she asked. ¡°I think I¡¯ve got some in my lab.¡± Belbuk got up. She went into her room. Cupboard doors *Clunked* as Belbuk searched. ¡°So are you a real soldier?¡± Belbuk shouted from inside the room. Ave sat up. ¡°What? Yes!¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t steal that? Or buy it from a pawnshop?¡± ¡°No! I¡¯m really a soldier.¡± ¡°Kinda young¡­¡± Belbuk mumbled. ¡°I enlisted right after I turned sixteen. I¡¯ve served the Capital Guard for four years.¡± Ave huffed. Belbuk walked back out. She held a ceramic jar in her hands. ¡°Fine. It¡¯s only, you don¡¯t behave like a soldier.¡± She handed the jar to Ave. ¡°And how does a soldier behave?¡± Ave asked. Belbuk slouched against the wall. ¡°You know. Walking around with an undeserved arrogance, like someone put a clothespin on their taint. Never explaining themselves. Daring people to make eye contact so that they have an excuse to shove their crested armor in their face.¡± ¡°Well I don¡¯t do that.¡± There was no emotion on Ave¡¯s face. ¡°But I know the type.¡± Belbuk nodded. ¡°They also don¡¯t hide their armor. They want people to know.¡± Ave looked down at her breastplate. ¡°A guard¡¯s armor is a symbol of their authority.¡± ¡°Is that what you think?¡± Belbuk idly played with her braid. Ave pulled out a rag. She applied some of the polish to the rag. With patient, even strokes she applied the polish to the breastplate. ¡°I think a good soldier should take care of the tools they¡¯ve been given.¡± # *Grind*Grind* Luke was using a pestle to grind up some sage. Belbuk sat across from him at her study desk. She read through a huge tome. Every now and then she stopped to make a note on one of the pages with a pencil. Luke spoke up. ¡°So Mast¡­ *Cough* So Belbuk, why did you decide to move out here?¡± Belbuk didn¡¯t look up. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°You¡¯re a master Alchemist. You trained in the Capital. I would have thought that there would be more opportunities for you in a big city.¡± Belbuk glanced up. ¡°Do you know what an alchemist does?¡± Luke nodded. ¡°Sure. You-¡± ¡°Wrong!¡± ¡°But I was going to say that-¡± ¡°Nope!¡± ¡°But don¡¯t you-¡± Belbuk shook her head slowly. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you what an Alchemist does. We fix other people¡¯s problems.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound so bad.¡± Luke continued to grind. ¡°Everyone wants an alchemist¡¯s help but no one actually wants to do the work. So they all come to you with their problems.¡± She began to perform a series of elaborate caricatures. ¡°I need a love potion. I need a cure for baldness. I need a wart remover. Day after day after day. Do you know what happens when you solve people¡¯s problems for them?¡± She said rhetorically. ¡°They stop trying to solve them on their own.¡± *Grind*Grind* ¡°Isn¡¯t that just helping people?¡± Luke offered. ¡°I hate helping people.¡± Belbuk refused. She leaned back in her chair. ¡°Do you know why I became an Alchemist?¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°I became an Alchemist to study mysteries. To find the truth of the natural world. I wanted to solve problems, er, you know, big problems. To make the world a better place. Not to mix laxatives and erection pills.¡± *Grind*Grind* Luke kept his eyes down. ¡°If you hate helping people so much, why did you agree to help us?¡± Belbuk looked down at her notebook. ¡°Because you weren¡¯t asking for yourself. You were asking for them.¡± ¡°Is that why you decided to make me your apprentice?¡± Luke asked. ¡°You¡¯re not my apprentice. You¡¯re an interloper and I am only providing corrective action to prevent you from forming bad alchemy habits. Understand?¡± Belbuk raised an eyebrow. ¡°Sure, sure.¡± Luke said. he added under his breath. # ¡°Deus! Deus take it easy! You¡¯re getting mud everywhere.¡± Ash shouted. ¡°Huuurrrhg!¡± Deus grunted. Deus¡¯s circular torso was wedged into the door frame of the entrance to Belbuk¡¯s Cabin. The goose¡¯s wings were pinned against its sides. The giant bird thrashed its head and tail from side to side to try and free itself. ¡°Hold on! Let me push!¡± Ash shouted from outside as he stood behind the goose on the porch. Ash put his shoulder against Deus¡¯s backside. ¡°Heave! Come one! Argh! How can your feathers be both sticky and chalky at the same time.¡± Ash exerted. ¡°I am, as good as, honk, there, honk!¡± Deus exclaimed. Finally Deus wiggled through the door. Feathers and dirt scattered across the room. ¡°Good work minion.¡± Deus slapped Ash on the back with a wing. ¡°I¡¯m not your minion.¡± Ash tried to catch his breath. ¡°That is not important. Now then, I can hear Whuke in the kitchen. I shouhd check on the midday meal.¡± Deus waddled off. Ash groaned. He turned to follow the goose into the kitchen. ¡°Ahem!¡± Belbuk coughed. She was leaning casually on the bottom of the stairs. Ash looked at her and shrugged. Belbuk pointed to the floor. Wet muddy paw prints were tracked across the living room. She pointed at a broom in the corner. Ash slumped his shoulders. He picked up the broom. Ash began sweeping clumps of dirt and feathers back out of the front door. ¡°What mess did Deus make this time?¡± Belbuk asked placidly. ¡°We were down by the creek for one of the mana points. All of a sudden a badger jumped out of the bushes and ran at us.¡± Ash explained. ¡°Are you alright?¡± Belbuk asked without concern. ¡°I¡¯m fine. Deus ran right up to it.¡± ¡°Did Deus scare it off?¡± ¡°No. He kicked it. He kicked it so hard it flew into the sky. I think he launched it over the horizon.¡± Ash had a look of shock on his face. He paused and looked out over the edge of the tree line. Ash finished sweeping the living room. ¡°You know, I don¡¯t think you hate Deus as much as you say you do.¡± he said. ¡°Are you an expert on goose relations now?¡± Belbuk snorted. ¡°No but I¡¯m pretty good at picking up when people don¡¯t like each other. You tried to blow him up but you were never actually concerned for his safety. Like you knew Deus would be fine.¡± Ash put up the broom. ¡°And?¡± ¡°Nothing. I just like to point out when people are being insincere.¡± Ash hummed. ¡°That must make you very popular.¡± Belbuk played with her braid. ¡°Like I said, I¡¯m good at picking up when people don¡¯t like each other.¡± Pull 26 Ash laced up his boots. ¡°Alright I¡¯m heading out to go do the dailies. Where is Deus?¡± he said. Belbuk and Luke looked up from the dining table. ¡°He¡¯s in the kitchen licking the pots clean.¡± Luke replied. Ash tilted his head towards the kitchen. Everyone could hear the *Slurp*Honk*Slurp* of a giant goose using its tongue to get the last few crumbs from the inside of a pot. Ash grimaced. ¡°I¡¯ll take him with me. Try to keep him outside while you two are doing your lessons.¡± ¡°That reminds me.¡± Belbuk leaned over the table. She threw a pair of work gloves at Ash. Ash caught the gloves as they hit his chest. ¡°Wear these gloves if you¡¯re going to do pull ups in the woods from now on. Your hands are covered with so many splinters it looks like you jerked off a tree.¡± Belbuk said. Ash blushed. ¡°I don¡¯t, I¡¯m not, I¡¯m just doing stretches by the charcoal pit is all.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± Belbuk picked lint off of the hem of her dress. She turned back to Luke. ¡°Okay you¡¯ve gone over herbology a little. But let¡¯s start identifying some other useful alchemical ingredients you can find in the forest.¡± Belbuk pointed to a framed shadow box on her wall. A set of insects were pinned to the back in exhibition. ¡°Now can you identify these insects?¡± she asked. ¡°Yes. Those are blow flies, also called carrion flies, sometimes called cluster flies.¡± Luke said. ¡°Wait.¡± Belbuk raised an eyebrow. ¡°That one is a May Beetle, occasionally referred to as a June Bug.¡± Ash added from across the room. ¡°Hold on.¡± Belbuk put up her hands. ¡°Then you¡¯ve got a Cicada¡­¡± Luke spoke. ¡°And then a Locust¡­¡± Ash spoke. ¡°Often mistaken for their similarities but the Cicada is a tree dwelling insect¡­¡± Luke served. ¡°While the Locust is a ground dwelling variety of grasshopper.¡± Ash returned. ¡°Hold on. How the donkey balls did you know that?¡± Belbuk blinked several times in a row. ¡°It was one of the things we learned back in Star Town from our dad. Ash and I know a lot about bugs.¡± Luke answered. ¡°Well that saves us some time.¡± she half smiled. ¡°Deus! Come on! We¡¯re heading out.¡± Ash shouted into the kitchen. ¡°Ahmost ready.¡± The goose replied. *Honk*Horf*Horf* Belbuk twirled her braid as she browsed the shelves of her Cabin. ¡°I suppose we can move on to basic medicines.¡± she mused. Belbuk reached up and pulled a jar down off of a shelf. ¡°We¡¯ll start here. This is molasses. It works well as a laxative.¡± She opened the jar to show the rich, brown contents to Luke. ¡°You don¡¯t want me to drink that do you?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Oh no no no.¡± Belbuk smiled. ¡°This is for the chickens.¡± # Ave sat on her cot in the Cabin. She held the dog rock that was Eins in her lap. ¡°Oh Eins.¡± She ever so gently ran her hands over the statue in imitation of petting a dog. Outside Belbuk was yelling at Luke. The chickens clucked angrily in the yard. Ave laid back onto her pile of blankets. She watched the sunlight stream in through the window. Dust motes danced in the air in front of the glass window panes. Belbuk¡¯s Cabins smelled of like lavender and dry apples. Ave¡¯s eyelids drooped. The sun traced a gentle arc across the sky. Sunlight rolled up her legs, over her hips, and pooled in her lap. Her hands petted the stone effigy. Suddenly Ave bolted upright. ¡°Luke! Ash!¡± She shouted. ¡°I have an idea and I need your help.¡± # ¡°This is the biggest boiler I¡¯ve got.¡± Belbuk shouted. Deus struggled to bring a large metal stand out from behind the Cabin. The metal contraption was balanced between the goose''s giant wings and its beak. Deus huffed with effort. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°It¡¯s not as precise as a real Alchemist still but it does have a spout for draining off hot liquids. Careful with that you bumbling bird! It¡¯s very heavy. If you drop it, it might get damaged.¡± ¡°Over here if you please.¡± Ave directed Deus. She was standing on a flat patch of ground east of the Cabin. ¡°What are we doing? Making whisky?¡± Belbuk¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°Nothing like that. We only need the hot water.¡± Ave replied. ¡°Oh?¡± Belbuk¡¯s interest immediately faded. # ¡°We brought the water.¡± Luke shouted as he came up the hill. He and Ash were carrying water buckets up from the well. Luke carried two buckets in each hand. Ash carried a single bucket. Sweat was rolling down Ash¡¯s face. ¡°Where do you *Wheeze* want them?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Just over here.¡± Ave replied. ¡°On the ground?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No. In here.¡± Ave held out her arms. There was a precision *Snap* of magic. A bronze bathtub appeared next to Ave on the ground. The tub was round and smooth, without any additional embellishments. Easily large enough for a single person to stretch out and relax in. ¡°You used your mana, to summon a bathtub?¡± Ash looked sideways at her. ¡°It¡¯s important. Now help me fill it.¡± Ave said. ¡°We¡¯re going to need more water.¡± Luke observed. Ash put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ll fill it. You can go and get more water.¡± # Steam hissed from the boiler. The spout was opened. Hot water began to slowly fill the tub. Ash and Luke took turns refilling the boiler as it drained. Ave turned to Belbuk. ¡°Do you have any soap?¡± Deus interrupted. ¡°I think that I have some wheft over from the other day. Hork, hork, hooork!¡± Deus stretched its neck out over the basin. *Blargle*Blargle*Blargle* A stream of bubble bath was projectile discharged out of the goose¡¯s beak. Frothy bubbles sloshed up and over the rim of the tub. *Blargle*Blargle*Hork* ¡°Is that¡­ clean?¡± Luke asked. Deus burped up a single bubble. ¡°As chean as morning dew.¡± The goose remarked. ¡°Whatever.¡± Ave snorted. She stepped forward to the edge of the tub. Ave kicked off her boots. With a fluid motion she pulled her shirt over her head. Wearing only her shift and her linen pants she stepped over the rim and lowered herself into the tub. Luke and Ash politely looked away. ¡°Should we¡­ go?¡± Luke offered. ¡°Don¡¯t be a tomato. The bubbles cover everything.¡± Ave said as she lowered herself down to her shoulders. ¡°Moonbeams, that feels good.¡± Ave slouched down so that she could dip her hair into the water. She straightened back up and readjusted the straps of her shift. ¡°Don¡¯t go anywhere you two. I need you to keep it hot.¡± Ave demanded. ¡°How hot?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Just don¡¯t boil me alive.¡± Ave stretched her legs. Ash crouched down next to the boiler. ¡°Lucky for you I am a master of charcoal.¡± # Hot water filled the tub. Ave washed and rinsed her hair. Luke refilled the boiler. Ash kept the flame in check. Ave¡¯s fingers and toes began to wrinkle. ¡°That¡¯s good.¡± she said. ¡°Now. Give me Eins.¡± Luke handed the dog rock over the side of the tub to Ave. Ave held the statue in her hands for a few seconds. ¡°I hope this works.¡± she whispered. Ave plunged the stone into the bathtub. Nothing happened. ¡°More hot water.¡± Ave ordered. Ash opened the valve on the boiler. Ave waited. Water filled to the edge of the tub. Ash and Luke exchanged a glance. ¡°This fresh water is pretty hot, maybe we should¡­¡± Luke said. ¡°Just a little bit longer.¡± Ave¡¯s cheeks were flushed red. Water seeped over the rim of the tub. A single bubble rolled up from the bottom of the basin. *WATERSPLOSION* A huge bubble burst under the surface. Soap, suds, and surplus steam splashed up and sprayed the surrounding stretch of space with soupy solvent. A wet puddle of dog fur thrashed in the middle of the tub. ¡°Ahh! What is happening!? My eyes! It burns! I¡¯m on fire!¡± the dog yelled out in terror. ¡°Eins no! That¡¯s the soap! Quickly, rinse him off!¡± Ave shouted. Luke heaved a bucket of water into the tub. The tub overflowed. Water and suds sloshed in every direction. The water settled. Eins floated face up in the middle of the tub. Ave wiped soap off of her face. ¡°Eins? Eins are you okay?¡± Eins took a deep breath. ¡°What is¡­ going on? It was so hot. I thought I was on fire.¡± ¡°You turned to stone. You were like a real rock.¡± Ash explained. ¡°Oh right. I did do that.¡± Eins remembered. ¡°You didn¡¯t have any eyes or ears. We didn¡¯t know how to get you back.¡± Luke added. ¡°But even if you couldn¡¯t see or hear I thought that you might still be able to feel.¡± Ave said. ¡°I suggested using a tiny hammer.¡± Ash said. Luke and Ave frowned. ¡°But we didn¡¯t do that. It was Ave who came up with the idea of using hot water.¡± Ash elaborated. Eins sank down until only the dog''s snout was above water. ¡°I see. I may have¡­ overreacted before. I should apologize...¡± Ave gathered the small dog into her arms. ¡°It¡¯s fine. We¡¯re glad to have you back. I just wanted to say that I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Me too.¡± Luke said. ¡°Me three.¡± Ash said. ¡°I think that we all overreacted.¡± Ave wiped water from the dog¡¯s face. ¡°Thank you.¡± Eins whimpered. The dog licked its nose. ¡°The truth is that I don¡¯t like fighting. I never have. I¡¯ve spent a long time running away from danger. A long time¡­ alone.¡± Eins looked up. ¡°But you all seemed so hopeful. You were so excited. You were on such an incredible adventure. And then you started yelling and¡­ I just wanted it to stop.¡± ¡°Eins.¡± Ave stroked the dog¡¯s fur. ¡°It¡¯s alright now. We¡¯re over that now.¡± Ash kneeled down by the tub. ¡°We¡¯re sorry Eins. Sometimes you don¡¯t realize how mean you¡¯re being until someone gets hurt.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°We promise that we won¡¯t fight anymore.¡± ¡°Well¡­¡± Ash squinted. Luke threw up his hands. ¡°Okay! We promise that we won¡¯t try to hurt each other anymore at least.¡± ¡°Better.¡± Ash admitted. ¡°Hehe¡­¡± ¡°Hoho¡­¡± ¡°Haha¡­¡± Everyone had a good natured chuckle. Ave looked down at Eins. ¡°Our adventure didn¡¯t start off the way we expected. But we would still like you to be a part of it.¡± ¡°I think I might like that too.¡± Eins replied. /(^o^)\ The dog wagged its little tail and paddled in the water with its paws. ¡°Ah! Eins! You¡¯re getting water everywhere!¡± Ave turned her head to the side. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I was a stone for so long. I need to stretch my legs.¡± Eins barked. Ash held up his hands. ¡°How is it that you¡¯re magic, but you still smell like a wet dog?¡± # Belbuk leaned against the front porch of her Cabin. She smirked. Pull 27 Ash cleared away the plates from lunch. ¡°Deus stop chewing on the plates. Did you eat your fork again?¡± he shouted. ¡°No. It was my fork.¡± Ave mentioned. ¡°We¡¯re running out of cutlery.¡± Ash grumbled. Eins sat patiently in Ave¡¯s lap as she ate lunch. She took her time wiping crumbs off of the dog¡¯s chin with a napkin. Luke poured more water for the table. *Cough*Cough* Belbuk cleared her throat at the head of the table. ¡°It¡¯s time to test your abilities.¡± Belbuk tilted her chin towards Luke. ¡°Really?¡± Luke raised his eyebrows. Belbuk nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right. It¡¯s time to see if you have any aptitude at all.¡± ¡°If I do this will you make me your apprentice?¡± Luke¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Awww.¡± ¡°But I¡¯ll consider it.¡± ¡°Yay.¡± # Ave and Eins helped to clear the table. ¡°So, us, what should I do?¡± Luke bounced on his toes. Belbuk crossed her arms and looked down her nose. ¡°It¡¯s very simple. All you have to do is summon a basic restorative medicine.¡± ¡°A medicine?¡± Luke asked. ¡°That¡¯s right. If you really have been paying attention then this should be easy.¡± Luke cracked his knuckles. ¡°Okay. Here I go.¡± ¡°Summoning is a matter of concentration. You have to imagine the thing that you are trying to summon. With medicine this means identifying each of the ingredients, their proper concentration, their temperature¡­¡± Belbuk trailed off. *Ka-crackle* Golden light filled the living room. A shimmering magic circle appeared on top of the dining table. Eins¡¯ fur began to frizz out and bursts of static electricity jumped between specks of dust in the air. *Ka-Snap-POP* A beam of light shot out from the center of the dining table. In an instant it vanished leaving behind a glittering crystal phial in its place. The phial was roughly thirty centimeters tall. It was decorated with holly wreaths and sculpted bird wings, with a crystalline stopper at the top. Inside of the phial was a golden liquid the color of apple pie. The liquid glowed with a mystical inner light. Luke sat down heavily in a chair. Sweat beaded on his forehead. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! ¡°How *Huff*, was that?¡± he asked. ¡°WHAT DID YOU DO!?¡± Belbuk shouted. ¡°I did *Wheeze* just what you asked.¡± Luke pushed his hair out of his eyes. Belbuk leapt across the room. She tore open a cupboard and started picking through the insides. Ave and Eins gave each other a confused look. ¡°Here it is!¡± Belbuk yelled. She leapt back out of the cupboard and ran around the table. Belbuk slammed a red crystal the size of her thumb down on the table in front of Luke. ¡°Do it again!¡± She commanded. Luke took a second to focus his eyes on the crystal. ¡°You sure?¡± ¡°Yes I¡¯m sure! There¡¯s no way that you could¡­¡± Luke reached out his hand. *Ka-Snap-Crackle-POP* A second phial just as mystical, magical, and magnificent as the first appeared on the table next to its twin. *Silence* Luke slumped down in his chair. Ave and Eins looked on with amazement. Belbuk grabbed her face with both hands. ¡°Why? WHY!? Why did I ask him to make a second one!?¡± she moaned. Ash walked out of the kitchen cleaning his hands with a washcloth. ¡°What the taffy covered turds is happening out here?¡± # ¡°You asked him to do what!?¡± Ash clamored in the cabin. ¡°I didn¡¯t think he would actually pull it off!¡± Belbuk bellowed back. ¡°Then why ask him to do it?¡± ¡°I was supposed to be a test.¡± ¡°Of what?¡± ¡°Of nothing! He wasn¡¯t supposed to succeed.¡± Belbuk slammed a hand down on the table. ¡°I wasn¡¯t?¡± Luke asked. Ave wiped sweat from Luke¡¯s forehead with a towel. Eins waved a feather in his face to cool him off. Deus licked his hair for the salt. ¡°No.¡± Belbuk grumbled. ¡°It¡¯s an introductory test. You tell your apprentice to summon something advanced. Then when they fail and summon a pile of crap they learn a valuable lesson about hubris.¡± ¡°So, I am your apprentice?¡± Luke said hopefully. ¡°Not after this!¡± Belbuk pointed to the phials on the table. ¡°What is it?¡± asked Ave. She stared at the golden liquid. ¡°It¡¯s a healing elixir. Some of the strongest I¡¯ve ever seen.¡± Belbuk pinched the bridge of her nose. ¡°Wait a minute.¡± Ash slammed his fist down on the table. ¡°You didn¡¯t think Luke could do it?¡± ¡°No.¡± Belbuk signed. ¡°But, he¡¯s the Royal Summoner. He told you that.¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°He always summons the best possible result. That¡¯s his whole thing!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°Right. And I didn¡¯t believe him.¡± Belbuk waved a hand dismissively. ¡°You thought he was lying?¡± Ash yelped. ¡°Of course he was lying!¡± Belbuk slammed her hand down on the table. ¡°Who wouldn¡¯t lie about something that ridiculous?¡± ¡°Luke!¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Did she say that was a healing potion?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I think so.¡± Ave replied. ¡°Hmmm.¡± Luke rubbed his chin. ¡°How could you not believe him?¡± Ash hollered. ¡°I thought you were from the Capital. Didn¡¯t you hear about him when you were living there?¡± Belbuk shook her hands in the air. ¡°Of course I did. And I didn¡¯t believe it then either. A Royal Summoner who only gets the best pulls every time. That¡¯s exactly the kind of propaganda our inbred royal family would come up with to try and impress foreign nations!¡± Luke pulled one of the crystalline stoppers out of its phial. A single drop of amber fluid clung to the bottom of the stopper. Luke touched the stopper to his tongue. ¡°I bet that you don¡¯t believe that I always summon the worst results either.¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°Why would I!? That¡¯s absurd!¡± Belbuk bellowed back. ¡°Why would I lie about it?¡± ¡°Why not? You are very lazy. And it¡¯s an obvious lie! ¡± ¡°Well I¡®m not lying either.¡± Ash indignated. ¡°Good for you.¡± Belbuk smarmed. ¡°And what about Luke¡¯s story about summoning a Demon Lord. Do you believe that now?¡± Ash insisted. Belbuk threw her shoulders back. ¡°Kid, I told you before there¡¯s no such thing as Demon¡­¡± Luke projectile vomited across the room. Pull 28 *Bleargh* Luke had transformed into a human fountain. Only with bile instead of water. Just a nonstop stream of miserable masticated mush. You can imagine it. Go on. It¡¯s not a pretty sight. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash jumped. ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Sometimes he gets tired after summoning. But never like this.¡± Ash remarked. Luke wiped his mouth. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I only took a taste and, *Bleeegh*¡± More vomit. ¡°You drank it!? But that potion is¡­¡± Belbuk halted. ¡°But that means¡­ Curse it all. I don¡¯t have time for this right now.¡± Ave pulled a mop bucket out from a corner. She shoved it in front of Luke. ¡°Here. Try to aim for the bucket.¡± Ave said. Luke smiled weakly. ¡°Thank hyu¡­*Uuuggghhh*¡± Ave grimaced and patted Luke¡¯s back. ¡°There you go. Get it all out.¡± Belbuk was over by the coat rack. She threw in her thick overcoat in a hurry and grabbed her welder¡¯s goggles. ¡°Luke!¡± she shouted. ¡°Quickly now. Pay attention. When you were at the Capital did anyone ever give you any special potions?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Luke looked up. Drool dangled from his chin. ¡°What is this about?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Shut up!¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°Think Luke. Any alchemical potions you might have taken? Maybe one that they told you to keep a secret.¡± Belbuk hurriedly put on her gloves. Luke shook his head. ¡°No. I don¡¯t think¡­ wait¡­ there was one time. After I arrived. I was brought into the *Hurp* conference room. They gave me a glass. It sparkled.¡± Belbuk nodded her head. ¡°Good. Do you remember what it was?¡± ¡°No. They told me I didn¡¯t need to know.¡± Luke hung his head. ¡°I drank it anyway¡­ *Hooorf*¡± ¡°That¡¯s okay. You¡¯re going to be okay.¡± Belbuk fastened her wide brimmed hat to her head. She turned, feet apart, back straight, and addressed the room. ¡°Here¡¯s what is going to happen. Bird! You get upstairs and prep my lab. I need the full workstation. Bottles, beakers, burners, everything!¡± Deus looked around the room. ¡°Right now?¡± ¡°Yes right now!¡± The goose saluted. ¡°At once my devoted!¡± Deus jumped up and started scrambling up the stairs. Belbuk pointed at Ave. ¡°Sleepyhead! You get Luke into the kitchen and try to make him comfortable. Once you¡¯re done with that I need you upstairs. I¡¯m going to need your steady hands.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ave agreed. She put an arm under Luke and tried to help him up. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Charcoal boy!¡± Belbuk singled out Ash. ¡°You clean up this mess down here. Once you¡¯re done go into the woods, get all the charcoal you have, and bring it to my lab. And I mean all of it. Make as many trips as you have to.¡± ¡°No.¡± Belbuk¡¯s eyebrow almost imperceptibly twitched. ¡°What was that?¡± she asked. ¡°I said no.¡± Ash squared his shoulders. ¡°You¡¯re the one that tried to trick Luke. This is your fault. You clean it up.¡± ¡°Child. Are you telling me what to do inside of my own home?¡± Ash looked over his shoulder. Ave and Eins refused to make eye contact. Luke dismally licked his teeth. ¡°Screw it. Yes!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°SLAP* Belbuk¡¯s open handed slap pushed Ash a step back. Ash steadied himself against the table. ¡°I admire your audacity but I don¡¯t have time for your insubordination. Now clean up this mess.¡± Belbuk turned and marched over to the stairs. ¡°Luke will be fine. Right now I¡¯m the one that needs your help.¡± Belbuk didn¡¯t turn around. She quickly ascended the stairs. Ave leaned over and helped Luke up. The two of them waddled into the kitchen with Eins padding behind. Ash rubbed his cheek. He blinked. He blinked again. He walked over to the corner, picked up a washcloth, and started to clean the floor of the living room. # ¡°Oooh¡­¡± Luke moaned as Ave set him down next to the washbasin. Ave pushed the bucket into his arms and then crouched down. She looked into Eins¡¯ eyes. ¡°Eins I know everyone is yelling, and Luke is puking all over the floor right now, but please do not turn into a rock.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do my best.¡± The dog licked its nose. ¡°Good.¡± Ave nodded and stood back up. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± Ave pushed back Luke¡¯s bangs and looked into his eyes. ¡°Like I¡¯m being turned¡­ inside out.¡± Luke replied. ¡°I can stay here if you need me too.¡± ¡°No, no, I¡¯ll be *Gulp* fine. Belbuk seemed very distressed. I think she needs your help.¡± Luke smiled weakly. ¡°I thought you always summoned the best possible thing.¡± Ave remarked. ¡°I do.¡± Luke said. ¡°Then why does it always cause so much trouble?¡± ¡°That¡¯s something I¡¯ve always wondered¡­ myself.¡± Luke sighed. ¡°Alright, I''m going to help Belbuk.¡± Ave turned out of the kitchen. Luke raised a hand. ¡°Before you go. If you don¡¯t mind. I need another bucket.¡± ¡°Just vomit into the one I already gave you.¡± ¡°No, I need¡­ another bucket¡­ for the other end.¡± *Gurgle* # ¡°Alcohol, baking soda, distilled vinegar, bring me all of the disinfectants we have.¡± Belbuk shouted at Deus. ¡°Honk, I¡¯m, honk, on it.¡± The goose replied. Deus collected several bottles, beakers, and baskets from the shelves around Belbuk¡¯s study. The goose collected each item by grabbing in with its beak then depositing it on the center worktable like a giant bird-crane. Ave pushed in the door. She shuffled over to the table. ¡°So what is all this about?¡± She asked. ¡°Alchemy.¡± Belbuk was examining the two phials Luke summoned. ¡°And it needs to happen fast.¡± She glanced at Ave. ¡°Do you have steady hands?¡± Ave smirked. ¡°I do. One of the few things I¡¯m confident of.¡± ¡°Good.¡± Belbuk handed Ave a glass rod with a bulb on the end. ¡°This is a pipette. You¡¯re going to be measuring exact quantities of material at my direction. There are gloves, glasses, and masks in the drawer behind you. Get covered up and we can start.¡± # Ash elbowed into the room. There was a basket of charcoal slung over his shoulder. ¡°Alright. I brought the charcoal. Now what is this all about?¡± he groused. Belbuk didn¡¯t look up from her measurements. She pointed. ¡°Get some gloves and a mask from over there.¡± She elbowed a mortar on the table. ¡°Then start crushing up your charcoal. I need a filtration medium. And I need a lot of it.¡± Ash pulled on a set of work gloves. ¡°And then you¡¯ll explain what¡¯s wrong with Luke right?¡± *Sigh* ¡°l¡¯ll explain anything you want. But right now¡­¡± She tapped one of the mystical crystal phials with her finger. ¡°This is more important.¡± Ash started grinding charcoal. Pull 29 The first rays of dawn tilted over the treetops of the forest. The crickets stopped their nightly chirps. The songbirds began their morning peeps. In the living room of Belbuk¡¯s Cabin four humans, a dog, and a goose sat in a quiet circle around the dining table. Belbuk took a long sip from her coffee cup. The ends of her braids dangled loosely over her shoulders. ¡°Good job you two.¡± her voice cracked. She nodded at Ash and Ave. ¡°That was a long night but you did well.¡± Ash sat slumped at the edge of the table. His shoulders drooped down. Ash tried to lift one hand. His arm shook weakly. ¡°I did so much grinding and mashing. I don¡¯t think I can lift my arms.¡± Ave looked up. There were dark circles under her eyes. She reached across the table and slid Ash¡¯s coffee cup closer to him. ¡°Thank you.¡± Ash said. He tilted his whole body over and stuck his tongue in the coffee. *Sluuurp* Ave turned to Luke. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± Luke sat propped up in a chair. A blanket was thrown over his legs. Eins sat on his shoulder and wiped his forehead with a hand towel. ¡°Better.¡± Luke replied. ¡°I¡¯m not vomiting anymore. So that¡¯s nice.¡± *Sluuurp*Cough*Cough* Ash sputtered coffee onto the table. He tilted his head back up. ¡°Okay. So now that we¡¯ve finished, will you tell us what was so important about these?¡± Ash used his chin to point at the center of the table. There were thirty six clear glass potion bottles arranged in the center of the table. The bottles were roughly five centimeters tall and four centimeters wide. They were topped with a thick stopper of melted wax. Each one was filled with a droplet of golden liquid suspended in a solution of alcohol. Despite the viscosity of the liquid the droplets refused to float to the top or sink to the bottom of the bottles. They stayed suspended right in the middle. *Sigh* ¡°Knowledge unto ignorance.¡± Belbuk groaned. ¡°As I said before Luke here summoned a healing potion with his powers. But not any potion. The best potion. The absolute best possible.¡± Luke gulped. ¡°I don¡¯t feel very healed.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because when you were in the Capital you took a different potion. The Guild of Alchemists has one hundred and fifty one registered potions. But there are also five secret potions. After you became the Royal Summoner I¡¯m positive that you were given one of the five. The Ajax Elixir.¡± ¡°What is that?¡± Ash asked. ¡°The Ajax Elixir increases the imbibers inherent investments. Your strength, your speed, your vitality, all of it is pushed to its maximum potential. The Ajax Elixir makes a person very sturdy, very hard to kill.¡± ¡°That makes a lot of sense.¡± Ave added. ¡°In the Capital there were protocols in place if one of the Royal family were injured or poisoned. But none for the Royal Summoner.¡± ¡°So they made me a super human for¡­ insurance?¡± Luke frowned. ¡°Pretty much.¡± Belbuk shrugged. Ash rotated his head with effort. ¡°This whole time you¡¯ve been so strong because of magic juice?¡± he said to Luke. ¡°Jealous?¡± Belbuk smirked. ¡°¡­shut up.¡± Ash slouched some more. Eins spoke up. ¡°Forgive me if I don¡¯t understand human biology, but shouldn¡¯t the elixir have made him immune to¡­ that.¡± The dog pointed to one of Luke¡¯s puke buckets. ¡°Normally yes. Luke should be immune to any mundane poison or disease. But the secret elixirs have a certain¡­ miscibility. They do not mix well with each other.¡± Belbuk stood up and walked over to Luke. She used one hand to take his pulse. ¡°In this case the Ajax Elixir inside you gives you resistance to contamination. So when the Gilgamesh Elixir tried to enter your body and heal your wounds it was rejected. Violently.¡± ¡°Gilgamesh Elixir. So that¡¯s what this is called.¡± Ave examined one of the bottles on the table. Belbuk nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right. The sixth secret elixir.¡± ¡°I thought you said there were only five.¡± ¡°I did.¡± Belbuk pushed her braids back behind her neck. ¡°And then there¡¯s this one. Which is super duper double secret.¡± ¡°Should¡­ you be telling us this?¡± Ave raised an eyebrow. ¡°Oh no. The Guild of Alchemists has very severe consequences for people that talk about the secret elixirs. So keep it to yourselves. Okay?¡± *Wink* ¡°Is this going to happen to me any time I drink a potion?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Huh? Oh, no no no. You¡¯ll be fine. Normal potions should barely have any effect on you. This was a special circumstance. Like diluting a bucket of potassium with a bucket of water. Heh heh.¡± Belbuk looked around the room. ¡°That was a little Alchemist humor.¡± *Cough* ¡°Honestly I would love to stay and experiment on you some more. I¡¯ve never seen a living subject of the Ajax Elixir.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°But I am out of time. Deus!¡± Belbuk suddenly yelled. ¡°Yes, my devoted?¡± The startled bird snapped its head up. ¡°We¡¯re leaving!¡± Belbuk commanded. ¡°Where to?¡± Deus looked around in confusion. ¡°Back to the Capital.¡± ¡°Awh that way? Then that means¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. Saddle up you great featherbrained fartmonster!¡± ¡°Hooonk! As you command my devoted.¡± Deus trumpeted. The goose leapt up and rushed out the door of the Cabin excitedly. ¡°You¡¯re leaving?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I have to.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because of this.¡± Belbuk held up one of the original crystal phials Luke had summoned. They were empty now. ¡°By the way, smash this for me.¡± She tossed the phials onto the table in front of Ash. Ash delicately picked up a phial. Using only his wrist Ash tried weakly to smash the crystal on the table. *Dink* The fragile crystal cylinder bounced off the edge of the wooden table unharmed. *Sigh* Ave reached over and grabbed both phials. She dropped them into a leather bag then cinched the mouth of the bag tight. With an overhand swing she slammed the bag down onto the table. The glasses inside *Shattered*. Belbuk nodded in approval. She reached over the table and picked up some of the potion bottles. She began to carefully pack them into a wooden crate filled with straw. Belbuk spoke as she worked. ¡°When I became an Alchemist I took an oath. We all did. A meaningless combination of words designed to ensure our compliance with a corrupt government. And when I grew too disgusted with my own hypocrisy I came out here.¡± Belbuk paused. She held up one of the bottles and examined it. In the morning light the bead of liquid inside of the bottle glowed like a miniature sun. *Sigh* ¡°Now I have to go back to civilization. The power of the Gilgamesh Elixir is too much for any one person. It is my sworn duty to bring the elixir to the Alchemist Guild so that they can distribute it to the entire Kingdom.¡± Belbuk finished packing the crate. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°You don¡¯t have to go back. You could just lie about having it.¡± Ash assumed. Belbuk grunted. ¡°Yeah I could. And if I was all by myself maybe I would. *Groan* But right now, doing that would make you kids complicit in my indolence.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t mind.¡± Luke spoke up. ¡°That¡¯s right. Indole away.¡± Eins joined in. ¡°Will you toilet twaddlers shut up and let me do the responsible thing.¡± Belbuk stamped her foot. ¡°Awww, you love us.¡± Ave snarked. ¡°If you were drowning I would spit on you.¡± # There was a *Crash* from outside. Belbuk *Groaned* again. ¡°You and you.¡± She pointed at Ash and Ave. ¡°There¡¯s a large leather saddle in the shed out back. I need you to help Deus pull it out and get it attached. It¡¯s similar to a horse saddle. You should be able to manage.¡± ¡°Wait. Are we saddling¡­ the goose?¡± Ash questioned. ¡°Come on. Let¡¯s go help.¡± Ave stood up and pushed Ash towards the door. ¡°But my arms.¡± Ash dangled his listless arms in front of his torso. ¡°Eins you too.¡± Ave called. ¡°Coming.¡± The dog hopped down and followed them out. # Belbuk waited for them to leave. Then she sat down next to Luke. ¡°I¡¯m still mad at you.¡± she said. Luke looked down. ¡°I know. I¡¯m sorry for trying to drink the potion. I got caught up in the moment.¡± Belbuk shook her head. ¡°Not for that. For lying to me.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Luke said in confusion. ¡°You never had any intention of learning alchemy.¡± she stated. ¡°What!? No! I really did.¡± he spurted. Belbuk held up a hand. ¡°Luke, you really do pull the best result every time. A Master Alchemist has to spend years learning all about reagents and components so that they can reliably summon the potions they need. You do it automatically.¡± Luke slouched down lower. ¡°Even if you really wanted to become an Alchemist there¡¯s no way you could take the practical exam. Not in good conscience. Since you would pass the test no matter what.¡± Belbuk continued. Luke let out a breath. Belbuk gently smoothed his hair down on his head. ¡°Why did you ask me to teach you?¡± she asked. Luke tilted his head back. ¡°I¡¯ve never had a teacher before. I¡¯ve always been able to do this. So when I was a kid the teachers never bothered to give me any instruction. They knew that I¡¯d be able to summon the best results no matter what they did. So after a while they just stopped trying.¡± ¡°So you wanted attention.¡± ¡°No. I really did want to learn. Back in my hometown I thought that I would join a Guild one day. Maybe get a mentor. Someone who could really teach me how to use my power. But that never happened. I got taken to the Capital and made Royal Summoner and no one ever bothered to teach me anything. The Royal Family would tell me what they wanted and then I summoned it for them. Sometimes if I didn¡¯t know what it was they would show me a picture or maybe have someone describe it for me. But most of the time they told me what to do and I did it. Then I would go back to my room and wait until they needed me again. It wasn¡¯t all bad. I got to spend a lot of time in the library. Sometimes I would watch the clouds pass by the windows and wonder if I really was the best. That¡¯s what everyone kept saying anyway.¡± Belbuk put a hand on his shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Luke. The truth is I can¡¯t teach you. No one can.¡± Luke leaned back. He put his arm over his face. ¡°I know. When you talked about how no one cared about how hard it was to do your job and how they only cared about the result¡­ I felt like I knew what you were talking about. I wasn¡¯t trying to lie to you. But it looks like I made a mistake.¡± Belbuk stood up. She collected a satchel from the wall and started packing it. ¡°Teaching you alchemy was a waste of my time.¡± Luke rubbed his cheeks. Belbuk finished packing. ¡°Here this is for you.¡± Belbuk thrust a book into Luke¡¯s chest. ¡°A book?¡± Luke was surprised. ¡°An alchemy textbook.¡± Belbuk stated. ¡°Does this mean¡­?¡± *Bonk* Belbuk bounced the book off of the top of Luke¡¯s head. ¡°You like to read don¡¯t you?¡± Belbuk interrupted. ¡°Yes. I¡¯ll make sure to study it every night until I can become a Master Alchemist.¡± *Bonk* ¡°No you won¡¯t. You¡¯ll summon the perfect potion every time without even trying. A Master Alchemist is someone who succeeds after working hard to overcome their failures. And you will never know failure.¡± she chided. ¡°Yes¡­ I suppose you¡¯re right¡­ sorry.¡± Luke apologized. *Sigh* ¡°But competence is no excuse for ignorance. Just because I can¡¯t teach you doesn¡¯t mean you can¡¯t learn.¡± Luke looked up hopefully. ¡°The world is full of people that succeed without trying. And also full of people that fail despite their best efforts. But real talent is learning how to appreciate people that give their best effort no matter what the result will be.¡± Belbuk handed the text to Luke. ¡°I¡¯ll do my best.¡± Luke assured her. ¡°You better! I¡¯ve got a reputation to uphold. Luke¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°So I am your apprentice.¡± Belbuk crossed her arms. (But she didn¡¯t say no.) # Ash, Eins, and Ave walked back inside. Ash blinked a few times. ¡°So we uh¡­ finished saddling your goose?¡± Ave shook her head. ¡°He kept on saying the straps were too tight, and then asking us to pull them tighter.¡± she shivered. Belbuk shouldered her travel pack. ¡°You¡¯re all finished. Good. I¡¯ve got some things for you all.¡± Belbuk pulled three potion bottles out of the wooden case. She set them on the table in front of the others. ¡°It¡¯s diluted but these are still some of the most powerful healing potions you¡¯re ever going to find. Keep them with you. For emergencies.¡± Ash and Ave picked up their bottles. Luke reached for the bottle in front of him. Belbuk *Slapped* his hand. ¡°Ow!¡± Belbuk pointed a finger at Luke. ¡°Do, not, drink, that. Not even a taste. That is only for emergencies. Understand?¡± ¡°I understand.¡± Luke affirmed. ¡°Good. Also this is for you.¡± Belbuk slid a small compact case to Ave. Ave clicked open the top of the case. Belbuk crossed her arms. ¡°It¡¯s a skin creme. Lavender scented. You might be a little scratchy after spending so long in bed lying around like a dead frog.¡± ¡°I¡­ *Sigh* thank you.¡± Ave accepted the case. ¡°And for you.¡± Belbuk set down a canning jar in front of Ash. The jar was filled with a brown powder. ¡°What is it?¡± Ash asked. ¡°You can add that to your meals to help build bulk.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°Is it some kind of potion?¡± ¡°Sure. Think of it as a muscle potion.¡± Belbuk grabbed her crosse from the corner of the room. ¡°If you ever want to turn those sticks into branches¡­¡± She tapped Ash¡¯s shoulders with the handle. ¡°You need to make sure that you eat like a lumberjack. This will help you. Who knows? If you stop skipping meals you might actually start to put on some muscle.¡± Belbuk smirked. ¡°What? I don¡¯t, it¡¯s not¡­¡± Ash flustered. Eins gently patted Ash¡¯s hand. ¡°Come on now. It¡¯s a gift.¡± ¡°Argh. Fine. Thank you.¡± Ash relented. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t be upset that you¡¯re handing out gifts for no reason.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah, it¡¯s a regular Blue Moon Festival.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°We¡¯re grateful. For everything.¡± Luke added. ¡°Good. Now I¡¯ve got to go.¡± Belbuk hefted the box of potions over her shoulder. ¡°I need to get these to the Guildhall as soon as possible.¡± # Deus was saddled up in the yard. A large leather harness with interlocking straps had been fixed around the bird¡¯s torso with space for its wings. The saddle was angled forward so that a rider would sit just behind the goose¡¯s neck. A second seat curved up behind the cantle. Metal rings ran down each side of the saddle as part of the harness. The chickens from Belbuk¡¯s coop clucked with interest as they circled around Deus¡¯ legs. *Cluck*Cluck* Belbuk shooed some of the chickens away with her boot. There were extra straps on the ends of the saddle. Belbuk used these straps to secure her travel bags and the crate of potions. Deus waited patiently as the bags were strapped in place. *Cluck*Cluck* Once she was finished Belbuk clicked her tongue. Deus sat down on its haunches. The goose tilted its body to the side so Belbuk could swing a leg up and around its neck. After she settled into place on the saddle she clipped a cord from her belt onto the metal rings of the harness. *Cluck*Cluck* Ash, Luke, Ave, and Eins stood just off to the side. Belbuk adjusted her hat. ¡°Well kids it has been a huge pain in the ass getting to know you. Good luck and don¡¯t starve.¡± She put a hand on the pommel of the saddle and pushed her heel into Deus¡¯ midsection. Deus hopped up. The goose spread its wings to their full length. Everyone took a few steps back. Belbuk leaned back. Deus raised its wings. With a massive downstroke the two of them were launched into the air. Dirt, dust, and chickens were blasted across the yard by the wind from Deus¡¯ flapping wings. Deus angled its head to the west and began to flap away. ¡°Goodbye Belbuk.¡± Ave shouted. ¡°Farewell.¡± Belbuk replied. ¡°See you again soon.¡± Ash yelled. ¡°No you won¡¯t.¡± ¡°Next time we meet I¡¯ll become your apprentice for sure!¡± Luke called. ¡°That¡¯s never going to happen!¡± # Deus leveled out a couple hundred meters above the ground. The giant bird¡¯s wings stretched out as it settled into a comfortable glide. Broad hectares of forest, grassland, and rivers flew past underneath as the bird picked up speed. Morning sunlight filled the sky. The combination of Deus¡¯ speed and the light glistening off of its feathers made the bird look more like a comet racing across the heavens than an animal. Belbuk holstered her crosse next to the saddle. She crossed her arms and leaned back so that she could rest her head against the second curve of the saddle behind her. The goose¡¯s paws curled up beneath its body. Deus kept its neck straight but turned its head ever so slightly to the side. The bird raised its voice to shout over the rushing wind. ¡°Did you reawhy not behieve that the boy was speaking the truth about his summoning powers?¡± Belbuk adjusted her wide brimmed hat. ¡°Shut up and let me sleep you giant windbag.¡± Pull 30 ¡°So, uh, what do we do now?¡± Luke asked to everyone and no one. The four of them stood on Belbuk¡¯s porch. Deus had disappeared over the horizon. ¡°Second breakfast?¡± Eins suggested. ¡°We¡¯re not eating another breakfast.¡± Ash chided. ¡°Aww.¡± Eins whimpered. ¡°Maybe brunch.¡± Ash conceded. ¡°I guess we should leave?¡± Ave scratched her head. ¡°She didn¡¯t say that we had to leave.¡± Luke added. ¡°Do you really think we should wait here after everything that just happened?¡± Ave asked. ¡°It does feel weird to stay.¡± Luke admitted. ¡°Alright then. Brunch, then we pack up and leave.¡± Ash declared. ¡°Yay.¡± Eins clapped its paws. # Ash emptied the stove. Ave rolled up the blankets. Luke opened the chicken coop. Ash swept off the porch. Ave shuttered the windows. Luke packed up lunch. Eins took a nap. Finally Luke shut the door to Belbuk¡¯s Cabin and latched the door. Luke turned around and shouldered his backpack. Eins sat down on the porch. ¡°I suppose this is it then.¡± The others looked back in confusion. ¡°What are you talking about?¡± Luke said. Eins shuffled. ¡°You all are setting off on your adventure again. I think that I will¡­ head back to the dungeon. The Shadowbeasts should be gone by now.¡± Ave crouched down. ¡°Eins, no. You¡¯re welcome to come with us.¡± ¡°I don''t want to cause any trouble. You saw what it was like for Belbuk. Spirits always cause problems for mortals.¡± ¡°Eins. You¡¯re not a problem for us. You¡¯re our friend.¡± Ave said. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°More like a pet.¡± Ash smirked. ¡°Ash.¡± ¡°Ave.¡± Luke waved a hand. ¡°Please Eins. You¡¯re our companion. We want you to come with us. As long as you do too.¡± Eins looked at its paws. ¡°You¡¯re sure you won¡¯t mind? I haven¡¯t been around people for a long time. I might cause you problems later.¡± Ave patted the dog¡¯s head. ¡°It¡¯s fine. Trouble isn¡¯t so bad when you¡¯ve got friends to share it with.¡± Ash nodded. ¡°She¡¯s right. Besides you¡¯re our backup god. You never know when that¡¯s going to come in handy.¡± Eins scratched its nose. The dog hopped down off of the porch and joined the others. ¡°Okay then. Let¡¯s go.¡± The four of them set off down the path from the cabin to the main road. Luke absentmindedly turned for one last look. ¡°Huh.¡± he mumbled. ¡°What is it?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I never really noticed before now, but when I look at Belbuk¡¯s Cabin, the way the porch is angled, and the second story landing with the triangular roof¡­ it kind of looks like a duck.¡± ¡°Wow. You¡¯re right.¡± ¡°You all never noticed?¡± Eins spoke up. ¡°No. You did?¡± ¡°It¡¯s very obvious.¡± Eins gave them a piteous look. ¡°I guess you all were too distracted with your own problems.¡± # ¡°I hate to be that guy, but what should we do now?¡± Luke looked at the rest of the group. Ash, Ave, and Luke stood on the side of the road. Rolling green pasture land stretched off in every direction to the horizon. The three of them shuffled their boots. ¡°Which way?¡± Ash sucked his teeth. Ave scratched her shoulder. Eins sat on top of her backpack. A scarf was wrapped around the dog to hide its tiny wings. Luke looked up. He shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand. He stared at a cloud. ¡°Nice day for travel. Very low chance of rain.¡± A bird flew overhead. *Chirp*Chirp* Ash itched his neck. ¡°Guess we should pick a direction.¡± Ave observed. *Cough* ¡°Right¡± *Cough* Luke cleared his throat. Eins yawned. The wind ruffled through Luke¡¯s hair. *Sigh* Luke put his hands on his hips. ¡°I¡¯m just going to say it. I don¡¯t know what we should do.¡± He held out his right hand. ¡°We could go west.¡± They all turned west. ¡°That will take us to the Capital. It¡¯s a long road. There are probably Guards looking for us. Maybe we¡¯ll stop the Demon Lord or maybe we won¡¯t.¡± He held out his left hand. ¡°We could also go east.¡± They all turned east. ¡°Back to Star Town. We can hide out there. Maybe it really wasn¡¯t a Demon Lord. Maybe we all pretend like this never happened.¡± Luke put his hands down. He stared at his boots. Ash sniffed. Ave tapped a finger against the strap of her backpack. Eins chewed a paw. # *Put*Put*Put*Put*Put* All four of them turned their heads. A carriage car rolled down the road in their direction. ¡°We could also just get on that carriage.¡± Ave suggested. Pull 31 Act 3 On the Road Again ¡°We don¡¯t know where that carriage is going.¡± Luke observed. ¡°Wherever we¡¯re headed¡­ it would be easier to ride in a carriage.¡± Eins admitted. *Put*Put*Put*Put*Put* The carriage got closer. The base of the carriage was a square box frame of wood. Two rolling wooden wheels with iron rims were mounted to the front sides of the carriage. A third, larger, driving wheel was attached to the back by a long axel that extended out of the body of the cart. The roof of the cart was angled to one side and covered with aluminum shingles. A door and glass paned windows were placed on the side of the carriage. On the front an unused animal yoke was tied up next to the reinforced road window. Two small wind turbines spun idly at the corners of the roof. The sound of the carriage¡¯s motor grew louder as the vehicle moved up the road. *Put*Put*Put*Put*Put* Luke looked at the others. ¡°How does this work? Do we call out or wave?¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you ever take a carriage in the Capital?¡± Ash asked. ¡°All the time. But I never had to call them, or move them. That¡¯s what the servants were for.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get it.¡± Ave stepped forward into the road. She raised a hand and whistled. *FWwweeettt!* ¡°What now?¡± Luke looked on. ¡°Let''s see if it stops.¡± she waited. ¡°If it does then we will take the easy ride.¡± *Put*Put*Put*Put*Put* The carriage rolled right past the group. Luke shrugged. ¡°Right. So. We¡¯re not going that way-¡± *Creak* *Grind* *SPUTTER* The carriage halted in its tracks. *Fffsss* The motor hissed out the last of its air. The door on the side of the wagon *Clacked* open suddenly. Spoons, knives, and wrenches *Clattered* from hooks on the inside of the door. A tin cup bounced out and rolled into the road. ¡°Sorry. Sorry. Almost didn¡¯t see you there.¡± There was a *Rustle* from inside as the contents of the carriage suddenly shifted. ¡°This thing doesn¡¯t stop on a hair either.¡± A young woman leapt out of the wagon interior. She had short wavy hair held in place with a variety of barrettes. She wore a tank top and a sleeveless vest above loose denim pants lined with dozens of pockets. Her steel toed boots were laced taunt up to her shins. She flashed a wide, dazzling smile. And her skin, it was absolutely flawless. Not a wrinkle, crease, crack, or fold from her forehead to her knees. ¡°I¡¯m Tasha.¡± she beamed. ¡°Do you all need a lift?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah. Yeah we do.¡± Ave answered. ¡°I¡¯m Ave. This is Luke, and Ash.¡± she pointed to the others. Tasha tilted her head to the side. ¡°Is that short for Ashley?¡± ¡°No.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Really?¡± Tasha¡¯s eyebrows raised. ¡°And this is our¡­ dog.¡± Ave gestured at Eins. ¡°Bark.¡± Eins barked. ¡°That was a strange way of putting that.¡± Tasha smiled. ¡°But don¡¯t stand out here in the sun too long. Come on. Hop on into my carriage.¡± she performed a short bow and waved a hand at the door. The group filed forward to step up into the cabin. ¡°She¡¯s very enthusiastic.¡± Ash mocked. ¡°I like her.¡± Luke said. ¡°You like everyone.¡± ¡°Guilty.¡± Luke smiled. # Ave climbed up into the interior of the chaotic conveyance. She stopped cold. Boxes, bedpans, barstools, and bell jars were piled up in every corner of the cab. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°Find some place to take a seat.¡± Tasha called. ¡°Uuuh¡­¡± Ave stammered. ¡°Woof¡­¡± Ave snowshoed her way deeper into the mess. Ash and Luke followed behind her. ¡°That¡¯s right. Sit anywhere.¡± Tasha encouraged them from the doorstep. ¡°You can move that birdcage, there¡¯s nothing in it. Feel free to sit on that basket, it should support your weight. Just throw those blouses anywhere you want. I still need to wash them.¡± *Clatter*Crunch*Shove* Luke, Ave, and Ash crammed themselves into the packed corners of the carriage. Eins was folded in half on top of a bookshelf near the roof. ¡°Little tight.¡± The dog wheezed. ¡°Great. Everyone all aboard. Let¡¯s get moving.¡± Tasha leapt back inside. She took a seat on top of an empty butter churn in the back of the cab next to the engine. She put one hand on the driving wheel rudder and one hand on the brake, then she kicked open the release valve and the engine whistled to life. ¡°Here we go.¡± she shouted. *Put*Puuut¡­* The carriage shuddered forward a scooch and then died. The engine *Screeeaached* in frustration. Tasha grinned sheepishly. ¡°Quick question. Would you all mind getting out and pushing?¡± # Luke grabbed ahold of the doorframe of the wagon and pulled himself up. He turned around and held out his hand. ¡°Come on Ash. It¡¯s moving.¡± Ash pushed with both arms against the rear of the carriage. He pumped his legs. The vehicle was picking up speed. The frame of the carriage started to pull away from him. Ash switched from pushing to running. He panted with exertion. The carriage was starting to move further away from him. He was having difficulty keeping up. ¡°Can you slow down?¡± Luke shouted to Tasha. ¡°Not unless you want to get out and push again.¡± she shouted back. ¡°You¡¯re almost there. Keep going.¡± Luke stretched his arm to the limit. Ash flailed his tired arms. With a desperate *Grunt* he threw his body forward the last half meter. Luke caught his wrist in mid air. With a mighty heave he pulled Ash into the doorway. Ash slammed against the door of the carriage. ¡°Ah! My tailbone!¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± Luke apologized. The two boys climbed back into the cab. Luke held the door. Ash sat down carefully on his backpack. Ave came running around the side of the carriage at a steady pace. With a quick hop she leapt up, grabbed the door, and swung into the cab. ¡°Show off.¡± Ash grumbled. ¡°Good job everyone. Here we go.¡± Tasha hit the throttle. The Carriage took off down the road. *Put*Put*Put*Put*Put* ¡°Aaah.¡± Ave sat down with a *Thump* on a bench inside the cab. ¡°How¡¯s the foot?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Good actually. I think Belbuk must have slipped me a potion a couple of weeks ago. It healed very quickly.¡± ¡°Then why did you stay in bed so long?¡± ¡°Sure is a lot of junk in this carriage.¡± Ave looked around the interior. The carriage puttered off down the road. # ¡°So what do you do Tasha?¡± Luke asked. He raised his voice to speak over the sound of the engine. The Carriage rumbled along down the road. The assorted piles of cookware, tools, and sundries bounced and rattled with each divot and pebble. ¡°I¡¯m a trader.¡± Tasha answered from the back next to the engine. Ash, Luke, Eins, and Ave gave each other confused looks. ¡°A what?¡± Ash asked. ¡°I¡¯m a traveler. And a trader. I make my living going from place to place buying and selling different goods. I try to find exotic things, see if I can sell them somewhere else.¡± ¡°You¡¯re saying you go to one town. Buy something. And then try to sell it in a different town?¡± Ash wrinkled his nose. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°It¡¯s how I make my living.¡± Tasha replied. Ash looked around the inside of the wagon. ¡°It¡¯s obviously not very lucrative.¡± He mumbled. Luke hissed. Ash hissed back. ¡°It¡¯s true that I don¡¯t make a lot of you know¡­ money. But there are rewards greater than money.¡± Ash looked around again. ¡°Really?¡± Luke hissed. Ash hissed back. ¡°Do you all want to see my apocrypha?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°Huh?¡± Ash replied. ¡°Hold on. Let me get it.¡± Tasha moved to the center of the wagon. The carriage lurched. Ave reached over and grabbed the rudder. ¡°Don¡¯t you need to steer?¡± Ave asked. ¡°It¡¯s fine. This is a straight road.¡± *Thump* *Thump* *Thump* *Thump* Ave quickly corrected their course as the wagon veered briefly into the grass on the side of the road. ¡°Here it is.¡± Tasha announced. She pulled a large leather bound tome. The exterior of the tome had been weather treated. The pages were made from rag paper. Tasha set the tome on her lap and carefully opened the front cover. The pages of the book were blank. But pressed between them were layers of cutouts, pamphlets, cards, and other assorted documents. The others leaned over to take a look. ¡°What is all of that?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Papers of some sort? I can¡¯t read any of them. Are they written in Franz¨¦s or something?¡± Luke tilted his head. Tasha smiled. ¡°I have no idea. They¡¯re all small bits of apocrypha that I¡¯ve collected over the years.¡± ¡°Where do they come from?¡± Luke asked. ¡°From all over. Sometimes when someone summons something there will be something extra with it. A book with pages they can¡¯t read. Or a notecard with an unknown diagram.¡± Tasha traced her fingers over the pages of the tome. ¡°So I go around and I collect those things. I trade for loose screws, extra papers, broken tools, whatever this thing is.¡± She held up a small piece of bent wire. Each end of the wire had been shaped so that it had six sides. ¡°Got loads of these things.¡± she tossed the bit of wire back over her shoulder. ¡°I collect them all. In here.¡± She slammed the pages of the tome shut. ¡°My Collectopedia.¡± ¡°Okay, but why?¡± Ash asked. ¡°To find the next big thing of course! Imagine if I was the first person to summon a clock, or a mechanical carriage, I could change the world. So I gather every idea I can find in my Collectopedia. And one day I¡¯ll discover something incredible. That¡¯s why I¡¯m always traveling from one city to the next. It¡¯s why I¡¯m on my way to Kaseihgaeu right now.¡± ¡°Did you say Kaseihgaeu?¡± Ave chirped. ¡°That¡¯s right. A huge town. They always have new things that I can add to my collection. Have you ever been there?¡± ¡°Once.¡± Ave groaned. ¡°It¡¯s my home town.¡± Pull 32 Ash poked the last embers of their campfire as the sun was setting. Luke finished wiping down a cast iron pan. ¡°Thanks again for letting us travel with you Tasha.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t mention it.¡± Tasha inspected the blades of the small wind turbines on the roof of her carriage. ¡°I love meeting new people. It¡¯s one of the benefits of traveling.¡± Ave rolled out three bed rolls on the hillside next to the carriage. The vehicle was parked next to a low stone wall that surrounded a field of hops and barley. Three small farm houses and a windmill could be seen on a distant hill. Ave looked over at the door of Tasha¡¯s carriage. ¡°Eins? What are you doing?¡± *Sniff*Sniff* Eins sniffed the assorted junk in Tasha¡¯s carriage. The dog turned and padded down next to Ave. ¡°Sorry.¡± Eins whispered. ¡°I thought I smelled something.¡± The dog helped Ave roll out the last bed roll. The canine sat down and tucked its feet under its fluffy body. *Thunk* *Clank* Tasha was pulling on a moth-eaten sleeping pad that was trapped under a trunk in the cab of her carriage. Ash knitted his brows together. ¡°You don¡¯t want to sleep in your carriage?¡± Tasha yanked the bedroll out of the cab. There was a *Crash* from inside as something heavy toppled over. Tasha grimaced. ¡°Nah¡­ it¡¯s fine. Dust is bad for the skin.¡± ¡°Whatever.¡± Ash rolled his eyes. He sat down on his bedroll and made a pillow from his blanket. Luke put away the cooking supplies, then stretched out on his bedroll. He looked at the last rays of sunlight over the horizon. ¡°Should be another clear day tomorrow.¡± ¡°You always say that.¡± Ash said. ¡°That¡¯s because it¡¯s true.¡± ¡°Except for every time it isn¡¯t.¡± Ash snarked. ¡°Except for every time it is.¡± Luke parroted. Tasha pulled a wooden case out of her carriage. She opened the case revealing a wooden frame holding multiple rows of ointments and salves. ¡°Do you get lonely traveling out here by yourself?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I¡¯m way too busy to get lonely.¡± Tasha chuckled. ¡°But it is good that I ran into you all.¡± If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Tasha warped her hair up. She began applying lotion to her face. ¡°There are rumors that people have seen Shadowbeasts on the roads.¡± She turned. Her face was smeared with dabs of cream. ¡°They could be out there, right now, hiding in the bushes. Waiting to devour us.¡± She clicked her teeth. ¡°Ha ha. Just kidding. Why do you guys look so pale? You shouldn¡¯t believe those old stories.¡± Tasha went back to spreading the lotion. ¡°Heh, heh. Right. Shadowbeasts are only stories.¡± Luke smiled with painful effort. # *Cricket*Cricket* Stars appeared in the sky overhead. *Cricket*Cricket* The four people and one dog lay down on their bed rolls. ¡°Tell us about Kaseihgaeu.¡± Luke spoke up. He looked over at Ave. ¡°Why?¡± Ave asked flatly. ¡°It¡¯s your hometown. I thought you might want to talk about it.¡± ¡°Yeah. Tell us about it.¡± Tasha added. ¡°Haven¡¯t you already been there?¡± Ave questioned. ¡°I have. But you don¡¯t talk about yourself. I feel like I hardly know you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because we only met each other two days ago.¡± ¡°Is that right? It feels like so much longer.¡± *Sigh* ¡°There¡¯s not much to talk about. Kaseihgaeu is a large town. Built on top of a hill. It serves as a major summoning center for the Kingdom. It shares a border with Franz to the north so it also gets a lot of tourists. Kaseihgaeu is known for having the finest luxury summoners in the Kingdom. You can find specialists for perfume, wine, clothing, all that kind of fancy stuff.¡± Luke groaned. ¡°Yeah, yeah, but what is the city like? All of the nobles used to tell stories. That there¡¯s all kinds of gambling and betting. And that it goes on all night. The city never sleeps.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°So it¡¯s all true.¡± ¡°Yes. The entertainment district uses diamond arc lamps to keep the streets lit even when the sun goes down.¡± ¡°That sounds amazing.¡± Luke imagined. ¡°That sounds annoying.¡± Ash assumed. ¡°What about you?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°What about me?¡± Ave countered. ¡°What was it like growing up there?¡± ¡°I had an¡­ ordinary childhood. I had perfect attendance in school, no pets, and I never broke any bones. I received passing marks in literature and history, but perfect marks in mathematics.¡± ¡°What¡­ about your family?¡± Tasha *Yawned*. ¡°My mother slices bread for a living and my father adds the glue to the back of stamps. I have a single brother six years younger than me. When I was fourteen I was apprenticed as a blacksmith. I made door knobs.¡± Ave paused. Luke¡¯s breathing was deep and steady. Ash took short quick breaths with the occasional snort. Tasha whistled and drooled a little on her shoulder. *Piter*Pat* Ave glanced down. Eins¡¯ dark eyes glittered with the stars as the dog curled up on her stomach. Eins whispered. Ave rolled her head back. She stared into the bottomless sky. ¡°When I was fifteen I graduated to making hinges. When I was sixteen I walked out of my parents house, down the road to the Guard station, and enlisted in the military. I was approved and sent off to training that day. I¡¯ve never been back.¡± Ave idly scratched Eins ears with one hand. A heavy blanket of cool air rolled in under the dark skies and dragged her eyelids down. # *Scitter*Scrap* The junk piles inside of Tasha¡¯s wagon rippled ever so slightly. *Scitter*Scrap* ?¡°...close as clover, dead as doornails, pack the present glad and eager, There¡¯s no need to be dishearted, what you want the moon provides¡­¡± ? *Scitter*Scrap* Pull 33 ¡°Thanks for all of your help with the gas cans you two.¡± Tasha set an industrial gas can down with a *Thunk*. The carriage was parked off the side of the road. ¡°Once we fill up we should be at Kaseihgaeu by the end of the day. Are you sure that you don¡¯t mind using your summons to help refill the cans?¡± Tasha asked. Luke and Ash were crouched down next to a steam powered compressor. Luke attached a hose to the empty can. Ash was filling the burner with charcoal. ¡°It¡¯s no trouble,¡± he replied. ¡°I¡¯ve got plenty more to spare.¡± ¡°We owe you for giving us a ride after all.¡± Luke added. ¡°I¡¯ll see if I can find us something to eat for lunch.¡± Tasha walked back to the carriage. She began digging through her dry goods. Ave brought a bench out from inside the cab and set it down. She took a seat. Eins jumped up and sat down beside her. Tasha removed two packages. She began passing out barley biscuits and dried dates to the others. Eins accepted a biscuit between its paws and started gnawing at a corner of the dry loaf. ¡°That¡¯s a cute dog you have there.¡± Tasha reached up and scratched Eins behind the ears. Eins wagged its tail. ¡°He¡¯s our little miracle.¡± Ave said. ¡°He¡¯s so well behaved. He didn¡¯t poop in the cab at all during the trip. Did you train him?¡± ¡°No, he was already¡­ domesticated when we found him.¡± ¡°Found him?¡± ¡°Adopted him.¡± ¡°Does he know any tricks?¡± ¡°Do you have any cheese?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then he doesn¡¯t know any tricks.¡± Ave shrugged. ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask.¡± Tasha scooched closer to Ave on the bench. ¡°What is that?¡± ¡°What is what?¡± ¡°That smell.¡± Tasha *Sniffed* over Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°The wet dog smell?¡± Ave frowned. ¡°No. The other smell. Like lavender.¡± ¡°Oh! You must mean this.¡± Ave pulled the small compact case from her backpack. ¡°It¡¯s a skin creme I was given.¡± ¡°Can I take a look? Oh yes. No wonder your elbows look so smooth. This stuff is really good.¡± Ave raised an eyebrow. ¡°Is it? I wouldn¡¯t really know. I¡¯ve never really used cosmetics before.¡± ¡°What is your regular routine?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°I don¡¯t really have one.¡± Tasha stopped everything. ¡°You mean to tell me you¡¯ve been out in the sun all this time without ANY skin care products!?¡± ¡°Yes¡­¡± Tasha slammed her hand on the wall of the carriage. A secret compartment popped open. Dozens of tubes, tinctures, and tiny tuns were revealed. ¡°That, just, will not do.¡± She leaned in close to Ave. # Ash and Luke carried the last of the gas cans back to the carriage. ¡°How can a container that¡¯s full of nothing but air be so heavy.¡± Ash complained as they walked. ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯re confusing ambient air pressure with air volume. The study of air pressure is actually a major component of atmospheric alchemy. The increase or decrease in air pressure can often be one of the first indicators of an approaching storm.¡± Luke rambled. Ash held up a hand. ¡°Luke, Luke, Luke, you know that I do not understand weather. I am a simple man. I burn things.¡± ¡°Did you know that when warm air from the coastline meets cold air coming down from the mountains the difference in temperature can create water spouts capable of sucking seawater almost 50 kilometers into the air?¡± ¡°Stop trying to educate me!¡± Luke and Ash finished loading the gas can into the carriage. They walked back around to the side of the wagon. Ave was sprawled out on the bench. Her feet were resting in Tasha¡¯s lap. Tasha was carefully massaging lotion into her heel and ankle. ¡°Hey. Are you getting your nails done while we¡¯re doing all of the work?¡± Ash mocked. ¡°No. I¡¯m helping Tasha test out her skin care products.¡± Ave replied. ¡°That¡¯s right. And looking at those dark baggy circles under your eyes you could use some skin care as well.¡± Tasha observed. ¡°These aren¡¯t bags under my eyes. That¡¯s coal dust.¡± Ash furiously wiped his face. Tasha frowned. ¡°You¡¯re not getting back into my carriage like that.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the problem?¡± ¡°You¡¯re covered in charcoal dust.¡± ¡°I¡¯m always covered in charcoal dust!¡± ¡°I can¡¯t risk having my apocrypha getting dirty.¡± ¡°What do you want me to do?¡± Ash put his hands on his hips. ¡°Wait!¡± Tasha ran back to the carriage. She rummaged through her junk. ¡°I have the perfect thing.¡± # ¡°What do I do now?¡± Ash shouted. He was standing off to the side of the carriage. Three metal rods had been placed in the ground to suspend an aluminum bucket over his head. A latex curtain was also attached to the rods. ¡°It¡¯s an outdoor shower.¡± Tasha yelled back. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that is.¡± Ash moaned. ¡°Pull the handle, the water will fall down from the container. Use that to wash off.¡± ¡°You want me to get naked and wash myself on the side of the road!?¡± Ash shrieked. ¡°It¡¯s fine. You have the curtain.¡± Tasha assured. ¡°This curtain has holes in it.¡± ¡°No it doesn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I can see sunlight coming through.¡± ¡°Just shower around the holes.¡± ¡°Nobody is going to look Ash. Hurry up so we can get going again.¡± Ave encouraged. ¡°Fine. Luke!¡± Ash shouted at Luke. ¡°Hold my clothes for me. In case this curtain falls apart.¡± Ash dangled his shirt out from behind the curtain. # Water splashed on Ash as it trickled out of the bucket above him. ¡°Oooh! That¡¯s cold.¡± Ash stuck his head out from behind the curtain. ¡°Ave, do you have any more of that goose soap?¡± ¡°No.¡± Ave shouted back at him. ¡°Damn.¡± Ash went back to showering. ¡°Goose soap?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°It¡¯s cleaner than it sounds.¡± Ave shrugged. ¡°Can you add more water Luke?¡± Ash requested. ¡°Got it.¡± Luke replied. He set his handful of Ash¡¯s clothes on the ground. He picked up a bucket of water from a nearby stack. Luke stood up on his tip toes so that he could pour the water in the reservoir above the shower. *Thunk*Splash* Luke looked over his shoulder. The other buckets of water had tipped over and spilled on Ash¡¯s clothes. ¡°What was that?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± # Ash finished washing himself off. ¡°What now?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Tasha replied. ¡°How do I dry off?¡± ¡°Oh? Oh¡­ right. Let me, find you a towel.¡± Tasha climbed inside her carriage. She began rummaging around. Ash peeked out from behind the curtain. ¡°Hey! What are you guys doing?¡± Luke and Ave looked up. ¡°We were examining your shoes.¡± Luke called. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°They¡¯re not very good.¡± Ave responded. ¡°These shoes are crap.¡± Tasha stumbled back out of the carriage. ¡°How are you expecting to go on a long journey with shoes like these?¡± ¡°They¡¯re fine.¡± Ash insisted. ¡°They¡¯ve got holes in them.¡± ¡°That¡¯s for ventilation.¡± ¡°I can peel the sole off of the bottom.¡± Ave demonstrated. ¡°They were all I could grab when I ran out of the house.¡± Ash fumed. ¡°Why do they smell like turnips?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°That''s just me. I smell like turnips.¡± ¡°Tasha is right Ash. If we¡¯re going to keep traveling you need better shoes.¡± ¡°Arrrgh!¡± Ash vented. He closed his eyes. There was a *Pop*. A collection of shoes rained down on the grass in front of him. ¡°There. You see. I¡¯ve summoned a whole new wardrobe.¡± Tasha scrutinized the shoes. ¡°Did you summon all of these? Why are they all left sided?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll make it work. Now will someone please get me a towel!?¡± Ash exasperated. Tasha *Snapped* her fingers. ¡°Oh right. No towels. Will a scarf work?¡± She held up a long roll of knitting. *Neeeyah*Yip*Yip*Yip* Eins ears pricked up. ¡°What was that?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°Some kind of animal call? It didn¡¯t quite sound like a wolf.¡± Ave turned her head. She scanned the forest on the side of the road. ¡°Oh no, no, no. Everyone back in the cab.¡± Eins barked. Tasha pointed at Eins. ¡°Did your dog just¡­¡± Ave held up her hands. ¡°It¡¯s a¡­ miracle¡± she shrugged. ¡°Come on, come on. We need to go.¡± Eins hopped in place. ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Shadowbeasts!¡± Eins whimpered. ¡°Hey! What¡¯s everyone whispering about?¡± Ash called from the shower. ¡°Ash! We have to leave!¡± Ave yelled. ¡°Why?¡± *Yip*Yip*Nyiiih* Something skittered out from the bushes fifty meters behind them on the road. It had the shape of a large marten with a long slender body, four short legs, and a pointed head. It was covered with reddish brown fur with lighter tufts around its ears and neck. Each digit was tipped with a tiny claw. The creature¡¯s body was roughly half a meter long, but a tail twice as long snaked behind it as it crawled across the grass. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. The creature crouched down and sniffed the road. Tasha and Ave craned their necks out around the edge of the carriage. ¡°What is that? A weasel?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°It¡¯s pretty small. Only a little bigger than Eins. It doesn¡¯t look very dangerous.¡± Ave added. Eins crouched low and tried to whisper. ¡°What is that?¡± Ash called out. The beast''s head snapped up to stare at them. The creature *Hissed* revealing a row of razor sharp fangs. *Yip*Yip* It yiped. *Yip*Yip* *Yip*Yip* *Yip*Yip* Came the response from the bushes. A second, then a third, and a fourth Shadowbeast scurried out of the bushes behind the first. The four weasel creatures fell into formation next to each other. They *Hissed* in unison. ¡°Sweet serpent skins! Throw me the scarf!¡± Ash yelled. # Luke finished hanging Ash¡¯s clothes out on a line attached to the other side of the carriage. He turned his head. ¡°What is everyone yelling about now?¡± Luke walked around to the other side. ¡°Ash if you¡¯re still upset about your shoes¡­¡± Four half meter mustelids raised their meter long tails straight up into the air. They let out a *Hiss* and charged towards Luke. ¡°Aaah!¡± Luke screamed in terror. ¡°Luke! Start pushing the carriage!¡± Ave screamed at him. Tasha was already inside starting the engine. Eins shivered on the doorstep. Ave heaved the bench and the rest of Tasha¡¯s belongings inside the cab. ¡°Ash! Get down here! We have to go.¡± ¡°I¡¯m still not dry!¡± Ash desperately rubbed himself with the scarf. The Shadowbeasts scurried closer on their stubby legs. They were only twenty meters away now. Their tails waved behind them like furry flags. ¡°Screw it.¡± Ash grabbed the shower curtain, wrapped it around his body, and tied it off with the scarf. He ran back towards the carriage. He tried to grab a pair of shoes on the way. ¡°Merciful mites they are all left sided.¡± He grabbed any shoes that were in his reach. Luke put his shoulder against the carriage and shoved. The vehicle lurched forward. Tasha hit the accelerator. Gas filled the engine. The carriage picked up speed and started moving down the road. Ave clambered inside. Luke started running. ¡°It¡¯s moving. Let¡¯s get out of¡­¡± *Slam* The carriage stopped moving. Luke bounced off of the wooden exterior. ¡°What happened?¡± he rubbed his head. Luke looked around to the front. The carriage was stalled out at the bottom of a sharp hill. Luke groaned. He started pushing again. Ave started pushing from the side against the doorframe. Ash ran up next to Luke. ¡°Can you push any faster?¡± he asked. Luke heaved. ¡°I¡¯m going as fast as I can. Try to slow them down.¡± Ash looked at the approaching Shadowbeasts. They were spreading out. Trying to flank the carriage. ¡°Take this you monsters.¡± He threw a shoe at them. *Yip*Yip* A monster jumped to the side. ¡°And this.¡± he threw another. *Yip*Yip* ¡°Chew on this!¡± The Ahuitzotl snatched the shoe out of the air. It tore it to pieces on the ground. ¡°The shoes aren¡¯t working any more!¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°We¡¯re almost to the top of the hill.¡± Luke grunted with effort. ¡°Get inside.¡± Ash ran to the door. His wet bare feet slipped on the dirty road. Ash landed face first on the ground. ¡°Ash!¡± Ave reached backwards to try and grab him. The fastest Ahuitzotl curved around and rushed at her from the side. Instead of biting her the monster whipped its tail at Ave. Five curved talons extended from the end of the creature¡¯s tail. The talon-tipped meter long tail ripped through the air like a flail. ¡°Ave!¡± Eins grabbed the hem of her shirt with its teeth and yanked. Ave was pulled back. The talons sliced past and missed her by millimeters. The tail-flail gouged five long gashes into the side of the vehicle. The door of the carriage was hit and exploded into splinters. Ave rolled backwards into the cab. Ash covered his face and rolled to the side. He inadvertently rolled under the body of the carriage. As the vehicle reached the top of the hill the Ash was directly in the path of the large rear driving wheel. Luke grabbed the edge of the shower curtain and yanked him to the side. The attacking Shadowbeast turned around for another strike. It pivoted on its short legs and spun its entire body. It brought its tail around for another swing at the two boys. ¡°Up you go!¡± Luke launched Ash into the air. Ash landed with a *Thump* on the roof of the carriage. Luke performed a standing leap. The monster''s tail cut through the air right where his legs had been. At the height of his jump Luke got the tip of one of his feet onto the top of the roof. But his other foot slid off of the slanted surface. Luke lost his balance. ¡°Grab on!¡± Ash threw one end of his scarf belt at Luke. Luke grabbed the garment and hauled himself the rest of the way onto the roof. The weasel monster¡¯s tail *Whistled* through the empty air below him. The boys caught their breath as they gripped the edges of the roof. ¡°Luke. Where are my clothes?¡± Ash asked. Luke pointed. Ash turned to see his clothes dangling from a clothesline behind the carriage. ¡°Well, at least they¡¯ll be dry.¡± Another Ahuitzotl leapt up and shredded Ash¡¯s clothes with its tail talons. # ¡°Everybody hold on!¡± Tasha shouted. The carriage coasted over the top of the hill. It began rolling down the slope on the other side. Tasha cranked the accelerator. The vehicle started to speed up. ¡°There¡¯s no way they can keep up with us now.¡± Luke yelled from the roof. The group of Shadowbeasts reached the top of the hill. They hissed in anger as they watched the carriage speed away. The fastest Ahuitzotl hopped into the air, it tucked its stubby legs close to its chest, then curled its meter long tail round its body in a cirlce. When it hit the ground it started to roll. The creature used its curled tail like a fuzzy tire. The other Shadowbeasts followed the first. The group of them rolled down the hill after the carriage. ¡°Oh well¡­ they¡¯re much faster now.¡± Luke frowned. ¡°Grab my belt!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°I¡¯m going to try and slow them down.¡± Ash stood up and scampered to the back of the roof. Luke grabbed his scarf belt with one hand and the side of the roof with the other. Ash closed his eyes and concentrated. *Ka-Poof* A stack of hay bales four wide and three tall appeared in the middle of the road behind them. *Screee-* *Crunch* The first Ahuitzotl slammed into the wall. A stray shower of straw shot into the air. The other Shadowbeasts tilted to the side and banked around the wall. ¡°Wow. They¡¯re even faster when they¡¯re not running on their stubby little legs.¡± Luke observed. ¡°I can see that. Hold on. I¡¯ll try to get the rest of them.¡± Ash concentrated again. *Zap* Another pile of hay bales appeared. The Shadowbeasts danced around it. *Shoof* Another. They dodged again. ¡°They¡¯re getting closer¡­¡± ¡°I know. I know.¡± Ash panicked. A Shadowbeast rolled up next to the carriage. The long talons on its tail gouged out divots in the road. *Shoof-Thud* A hay bale fell out of the sky and pinned it to the ground. ¡°Good shot!¡± Luke shouted to Ash. ¡°Thanks.¡± *Thud*Thud*Thud* Another hay bale fell down on the other side of the road. Then into a tree. Then a bush off to the side. *Ka-Thud* One bundle of straw bounced off of the roof right next to Luke. ¡°What¡¯s going on out there?¡± Tasha shouted from the back of the carriage. ¡°Ash is either saving us or killing us.¡± Ave murmured. She crawled to the front of the cab and looked out the driving window. ¡°Hay!¡± ¡°What is it?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°No! Hay!¡± Ave pointed out the window. A wall of hay bales was stacked up in the road directly ahead of them. Tasha slammed the driving rudder to the side. The carriage turned at the last second. ¡°Where did that come from?¡± Tasha demanded. ¡°I was trying to hit the monsters but I can¡¯t always aim them when I''m summoning so many!¡± Ash shouted from above. ¡°Here comes another one.¡± Ave yelled. Tasha turned again. The carriage barely missed another hay stack. Hay bales rained down from the sky. Tasha did her best to dodge the approaching walls of chaff in their way. The Shadowbeasts rolled closer to the cart. Ash tried to hit another one with a bale. *Gacha* As the straw package flew out of the sky towards it the Ahuitzotl leapt into the air. As it jumped it flipped it¡¯s body forward. Its long tail snapped around like a whip. The razor sharp talons attached to the end of the tail sliced through the air and cut the bale of hay in half. *Ka-chif* The monster landed back on its feet and immediately started rolling after the carriage again. ¡°The hay isn¡¯t slowing them down anymore.¡± Ash called down to the cab. ¡°Eins!¡± ¡°What?¡± The dog poked its head out of the broken door. ¡°Set the monsters on fire!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to¡­¡± Eins whimpered. ¡°What!?¡± Ash shouted. ¡°I¡¯m scared. *Sniff* I don¡¯t like fighting.¡± Eins cried. Tears rolled down the dog¡¯s fuzzy cheeks. ¡°But I¡­ you can¡­¡± ¡°Ash don¡¯t make Eins burn anything if he doesn¡¯t want to.¡± Ave pulled Eins back inside. ¡°But they¡¯re monsters.¡± Ash rebuffed. ¡°You¡¯re the only monster right now.¡± ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry Eins.¡± Ash shouted down. ¡°You don¡¯t have to set anything on fire if you don¡¯t want to.¡± ¡°Thank *Sniff* you.¡± Eins whimpered. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± Ash stood back up. He looked over his shoulder. He whispered to himself. # Another stack of straw popped into existence in the road ahead. ¡°I can¡¯t dodge this one!¡± Tasha warned the others. She death-gripped the rudder. The carriage *Crashed* into the wall. Ave, Eins, Tasha, and Tasha¡¯s junk jounced around inside of the cab. Ash¡¯s foot slipped off the roof. He tumbled off the back of the carriage. Luke tightened his grip on the scarf that was wrapped around Ash¡¯s waist. He managed to prevent Ash from falling down onto the driving wheel. Ash dangled over the side. One of the front wheels ramped off of a bale. *Crunch* The entire carriage began to tilt to the left on only two wheels. The rest of the bales exploded and plastered the wagon with hay. Tasha kept a fierce grip on the handle of the rudder. ¡°That sounded like we broke something. How bad is the damage?¡± she asked. Ave poked her head out of the door. She looked at the front wheel spinning in the air. ¡°We¡¯re on two wheels. The front wheel that took the hit is cracked. The weight of all your junk is balancing the carriage for now.¡± ¡°Aaah!¡± Ash shouted as he dangled from the back. Now that there were no obstacles in the road the pack of Shadowbeasts were closing in. ¡°Also Ash is about to be eaten.¡± Ave knitted her brows. ¡°I have an idea. It¡¯s risky but we need all of our wheels for it to work. I also need to be able to see.¡± Tasha said. The driving window was besmeared with straw. ¡°Do you have any crystals?¡± Ave asked. Tasha hit one of the side walls of the cab. A secret compartment opened up. Colorful gems glittered inside. ¡°I need an orange.¡± Ave said. Tasha tossed one at her. Ave caught it in the air. Ave put a hand on the edge of the doorframe. ¡°I¡¯m going to fix the wheel. Tasha, hold it steady. Eins clear the driving window.¡± Ave said. ¡°By myself?¡± the dog asked. ¡°You can do it. Luke and Ash stay where you are.¡± ¡°Aaah!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°I can hold him for now.¡± Luke yelled. ¡°But the monsters are getting closer.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll clear the window.¡± Eins panicked. ¡°Good. I¡¯ll take care of the wheel. I need about a minute.¡± Ave grabbed a spanner from the junk pile. She climbed out of the broken door and stood on the tilted side of the carriage. ¡°Don¡¯t fall off.¡± Tasha called after her. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± Ave smiled. Ave climbed out the door onto the side of the tilted carriage. She put a foot on the front wheel¡¯s axle, planted her spanner on the bolt, and spun the tool with a flick of her wrist. # One of the Ahuitzotls raced up next to the tilted vehicle. It used its tail as a spring and bounced into the air right towards Ash. ¡°Not my legs!¡± Ash curled into a ball. He swung his legs away from the monsters snapping fangs. The Ahuitzotls missed, hit the ground, and started chasing them again. Luke strained as his arm was jerked back and forth. ¡°Ash! Stop moving around so much.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t! If I stop moving I get eaten!¡± Ash yelled back. # Eins hustled to the front of the cab. The dog popped the latch on the driving window. With all of the strength in its tiny body Eins tried to push the window out. The window refused to budge. ¡°Come on little arms. You can do this!¡± Eins encouraged. The window moved a centimeter, then another. Eins tried to sweep some hay off of the outside of the window. The carriage hit a pebble and shook. Eins fell back. The window snapped shut again. ¡°Curse this adorable body of mine!¡± # Ave plucked a bolt out of the wheel¡¯s hub. She eyed the road ahead. The hill was flattening out. The carriage was losing speed. She could see the path in front of them start to curve between some low foothills. ¡°We¡¯re running out of straight road.¡± She called back. ¡°Then you better hurry up!¡± Tasha replied. Ave wrenched the last bolt free. An Ahuitzotl rolled up to the side of the carriage. Using its spinning tail it catapulted itself into the air. The monster landed on the wheel. It lashed out with its tail. Ave ducked down. The creature¡¯s talons slammed against the wooden wall next to her. The Shadowbeast arched its tail back like a scorpion¡¯s stinger and prepared to strike again. Ave slid her leg in between the small gap between the wheel and the carriage. ¡°No free rides!¡± She kicked with all her strength. The hub of the wheel *Squeaked* and then spun off of the axel and into the air. The Shadowbeast lunged. Its body became tangled in the spokes of the wheel. The wheel hit the ground, along with its involuntary passenger, and started spinning down the side of the road. Momentum carried the wheel off the side of the road and into the foothills. There was a *Wet Crunch* as the wheel struck a large rock. # Eins tried again to wedge a paw out in front of the driving window. The canine¡¯s stubby arm pulled back with only a tiny bit of straw. Eins looked around in a panic. ¡°Ah! There¡¯s not enough room in here!¡± Eins turned and frowned at Tasha. ¡°Sorry. I can¡¯t think of anything else.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Tasha blinked. Eins sucked in some air. A tiny blue wick of flame appeared in front of the dog¡¯s nose. Eins turned its muzzle to the driving window. *Ka-FwooshBOOM* Burning hay exploded away from the front of the carriage. Ave covered her face with her free hand. Luke closed his eyes. Ash watched the cinders fly overhead. ¡°That one wasn¡¯t my fault!¡± He yelled. # Tasha looked out the shattered front driving window. ¡°There¡¯s a turn coming up! We need to get the carriage tilted back the right direction. Are you ready?¡± she shouted. ¡°We¡¯re ready!¡± Ave replied. She gripped the edge of the roof with one hand. She raised her other hand with the orange crystal in it. ¡°Everybody tilt to the right!¡± Tasha instructed. Ave leaned as far as she could. Eins scampered to the side of the cab. Luke tried to shift his body. The carriage shook but didn¡¯t tilt back over. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash called. ¡°You¡¯re going to have to swing me!¡± ¡°Got it!¡± Luke replied. With an exhausted grunt he heaved his arm to the side. Ash bumped along the outside of the carriage until he was moved from the back side to the right side. As Ash and Ave shifted their weight the whole carriage started to tilt back down. As the vehicle righted itself Ave concentrated. *Sizzle*KA-zap* Ave swung her arm down. A distinctively ordinary wheel began to manifest in her hand. Ave slammed the wheel onto the axel right at the moment it materialized. She let the wheel go. A half second later the right side of the carriage tilted firmly back into place. The wheel kissed the road and the entire carriage shuddered with the force of the embrace. # Tasha pushed a false panel. The panel slid aside and revealed a hidden lever. She clenched her teeth. ¡°Everyone back inside!¡± Ave pulled Ash in through the door. Luke swung in after them. Tasha pulled the lever. The carriage engine *Screamed* in surprise. The coupling attaching the gas cans to the engine shattered. The pressurized air inside- *Sonic BOOM* The hay bales on the road behind the carriage disintegrated. The shockwave blasted the leaves off of the nearby trees. The screaming Shadowbeasts that were spinning after the carriage were sent soaring into the sky. ¡îTwinkle¡î # The carriage and its contents rocketed down the road at ludicrous speed. Tasha steered like her life depended on it. Pull 34 The Stalwart Gate Guard *Yawned*. He slouched against his spear. The Charmed Adjuster checked her notes. The Gate Guard waved another group of tourists through the city checkpoint. The Adjuster made a tally on her clipboard. ¡°Do you play Card Bark?¡± she asked. ¡°Huh?¡± The Gate Guard responded. ¡°You know, the card game? In your free time?¡± ¡°Huh? Uh, no.¡± The Gate Guard examined a tourist¡¯s luggage, then waved them through. The Adjuster made another tally. ¡°Do you like Groundball?¡± she asked. ¡°Huh?¡± The Gate Guard responded. ¡°I saw you wearing a Kneadle Knucklebones team jacket.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah. They¡¯re pretty good.¡± The Gate Guard replied. The Charmed Adjuster tapped a pencil against her clipboard. The Stalwart Gate Guard clicked his teeth. The placid sun gazed down on them both. The Charmed Adjuster bit her lip. ¡°So I was wondering, do you like coffee, or maybe you drink tea, or wine, schnapps, you must get thirsty standing out here all day, so if you wanted to¡­¡± she trailed off. The Guard shielded his eyes and stared down the road. ¡°You see that?¡± The Guard asked. ¡°What?¡± The Adjuster replied. ¡°There?¡± ¡°Where?¡± ¡°There!¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°It.¡± he pointed. ¡°No I don¡¯t see it.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t see it?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Really?¡± he asked. ¡°No.¡± she huffed. ¡°No really or really no?¡± ¡°What?¡± This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°I said¡­¡± ¡°No. What is that?¡± The Charmed Adjuster shielded her eyes and stared down the road. A cloud of dust was screaming down the road in their direction. ¡°What is it?¡± The Adjuster willed her eyes to magnify the image. Her eyes did the best they could. The cloud grew closer. The screaming grew louder. A sound like an exploding furnace echoed over the horizon. ¡°E-everyone, clear the road!¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard stuttered. Several tourists turned in curiosity. ¡°I said Clear The Road!¡± The Gate Guard wasn¡¯t asking this time. Tourists scrambled out of the way. Mothers grabbed their daughters. Fathers grabbed their sons. Wives grabbed their husbands. Merchants grabbed their wallets. The road into town emptied. The Stalwart Gate Guard, alone, stood in the path. The exploding sound got louder. ¡°What are you doing?¡± The Adjuster called from behind a cart. ¡°I¡¯m the Guard. I have to guard the gates.¡± Sweat poured down the Guard¡¯s neck. # The cloud of dust rocketed down the road into town. There was a final *POP* and the exploding sound disappeared and was replaced by grinding metal. The Gate Guard wiped sweat from his brow. ¡°Is that a¡­¡± The haze of dust parted to reveal Tasha¡¯s carriage plowing down the road at an uncomfortable speed. ¡°...halt¡­¡± The carriage didn¡¯t seem to hear him. The Gate Guard braced himself. The carriage clattered ahead. The Stalwart Gate Guard tightened his grip on his spear. *Crack*Screee* The vehicle shuddered. There was the sound of metal grinding on metal. Tasha¡¯s carriage rolled to a gentle stop three centimeters from the Guard¡¯s chest. The frame of the carriage creaked with exhaustion. The wheels sizzled with burned bits of hay. A cloud of dust billowed off of the vehicle in all directions. The watching tourists covered their mouths. *Cough*Cough* The Gate Guard breathed a sigh of relief. A half exploded bale of hay tipped off the roof, hitched on the yoke, struck the Gate Guard on the collarbone, and flattened him to the ground. # *Groan* ¡°Everyone still got all their fingers and toes?¡± Tasha shouted in the cab. Luke shoved aside a pile of junk. ¡°I think I¡¯m okay.¡± *Rattle* Ash sat up. He spit out a mouth of dry grass. ¡°So much for a shower.¡± Ave stretched her leg. ¡°I think I twisted my ankle again.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t¡­ breathe¡­¡± Eins whimpered under a box of bells. ¡°Let me get that.¡± *Jingle*Jangle* Luke moved the box aside. ¡°Was your carriage supposed to do that?¡± Ash called. ¡°Do what?¡± Tasha inquired. ¡°Explode.¡± Ash added dryly. ¡°It was supposed to go fast. I got the idea from an apocryphal schematic I found. But I never tested it at that speed. Actually¡­ I never tested it at all.¡± Tasha chewed a nail. ¡°Well, you still saved our lives.¡± Eins put a reassuring paw on Tasha¡¯s knee. ¡°Thank you.¡± Luke looked out a window. ¡°Guys, I think we made it to Kaseihgaeu.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good.¡± Ash replied. ¡°But there are a lot of people gathered around.¡± ¡°That¡¯s bad.¡± ¡°Also there¡¯s a Guard collapsed in front of the carriage.¡± ¡°That¡¯s worse.¡± ¡°That Guard isn¡¯t going to be happy with us.¡± Tasha cringed. ¡°Yeah. And he¡¯s really not going to be happy when he learns I¡¯m the Royal Summoner.¡± Luke added. ¡°What?¡± Tasha stopped. ¡°Ah¡­oops.¡± Luke closed his eyes. ¡°Nothing!¡± Ash inserted. ¡°He¡¯s a liar, I mean a professional liar, I mean an actor. He¡¯s performing a skit. From a play.¡± he smiled a smile that was way too wide. ¡°Is that true?¡± Tasha quavered. ¡°No¡­ But Luke, my dear friend, you really have got to stop telling people that.¡± Pull 35 ¡°There are a lot of people out there.¡± Eins whined while looking out of the remains of the driving window. ¡°What about the Guard?¡± Ave asked. ¡°There¡¯s a woman helping him get back up.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to deal with this right now.¡± Tasha massaged her own neck. ¡°It¡¯s all right.¡± Luke comforted her. ¡°We¡¯ll turn ourselves in and tell them that we were attacked by monsters.¡± ¡°Uuugh.¡± Tasha moaned. ¡°We¡¯re not going to do any of that.¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°Is anyone inside of there!¡± Someone yelled from outside the carriage. ¡°Crap. He¡¯s up.¡± Eins informed the others. ¡°What should we do?¡± ¡°Come out of that carriage!¡± ¡°Should we leave the carriage?¡± ¡°No?¡± Ash said. ¡°Yes?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°We have to do something. We¡¯re right in the middle of the road.¡± Ave looked around. Tasha cleared her throat. ¡°Okay. You three-¡± ¡°Four.¡± Luke corrected as he pet Eins. ¡°Right. You four stay in here. I¡¯ll go out there and try to explain things.¡± Tasha climbed out of the vehicle. *Clatter*Clunk* Odds and ends tumbled out of the doorway after her. Tasha faced the Gate Guard. He was red in the face and brushing stray bits of straw off of his armor. Tasha smoothed back her hair. She put on her best smile. # ¡°I told you. I¡¯m a traveling trader. I trade things.¡± Tasha adjusted one of her barrettes. She was sweating under the stares of so many tourists. ¡°What does that mean?¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard asked again. ¡°It means I travel between towns exchanging goods through bartering.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡± The Guard crossed his arms. ¡°Are you saying that you travel to different towns to do this?¡± The Charmed Adjuster asked. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Tasha nodded. The Gate Guard sneered. ¡°That sounds suspicious. Why wouldn¡¯t you summon the items yourself? Are you a criminal? Are you wanted in another town? Is that why you have a made-up job?¡± The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. # Ash peeked out the window. ¡°This isn¡¯t going well. We need to get out of the road. Let¡¯s get out there.¡± ¡°What if they recognise me?¡± Luke questioned. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, they won¡¯t even look at you. Now grab Eins, follow me, and do what I say.¡± # Tasha bit her lip. She took a deep breath. ¡°I¡¯m trying to tell you we were attacked by a-¡± ¡°A tornado!¡± Ash interjected. He hopped out of the carriage into the street. Ash carefully corrected his concealing curtain covering. ¡°A what?¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard turned to question the new face. ¡°A rogue storm. A giant swirling vortex of wind.¡± Ash added. ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± The watching tourists murmured. ¡°I know what a tornado is.¡± The Gate Guard glowered. ¡°Then you know how powerful they are. They can uproot trees and toss boulders. We were on our way here when a rogue storm dropped one right on top of us. Look at me.¡± Ash gestured to his wrap. ¡°It sucked the clothes right off of my body.¡± ¡°Oooh¡­¡± The tourists observed. Ash pointed at the carriage. ¡°Look at all of the damage that it did to our carriage. Tore the door clean off. Isn¡¯t that right Tasha?¡± ¡°Uuuh¡­¡± Tasha wavered. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Ash answered himself. ¡°And look at my poor brother.¡± He put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°He¡¯s so traumatized that he can only speak in ventriloquism. Isn¡¯t that right brother.¡± Ash stared pointedly at Eins as the dog sat in Luke¡¯s arms. Eins whined. ¡°Uh¡­ that¡¯s right? It was¡­ terrifying!¡± ¡°That¡¯s incredible.¡± The Charmed Adjuster exclaimed. ¡°I didn¡¯t even see his lips move.¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard stared. ¡°Aaah¡­¡± The crowd of tourists gasped. ¡°Please sir. You have to let us in. I don¡¯t want to even imagine what might happen if another tornado suddenly appeared with all of these people waiting outside the gate.¡± Ash quickly winked at Eins. The Gate Guard frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t know. It all sounds so¡­ unbelievable¡­¡± Eins spoke up. ¡°Did you know that a water spout is capable of sucking seawater almost 50 kilometers into the air?¡± The canine grinned. ¡°What?¡± The Gate Guard inquired. The Charmed Adjuster pushed her glasses up her nose. ¡°I think he¡¯s right. I¡¯ve heard that before.¡± The Gate Guard looked at her. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Ash slipped to the back of the group. He concentrated. *pop* *pop* *pop* *Splat* The Gate Guard looked around. ¡°What was-¡± *Splat* Something soft and wet hit the road in front of him. He looked down at the sticky mess. ¡°Is that a¡­?¡± ¡°I think that¡¯s a trout.¡± The Adjuster finished. *Splat*Splat*Shunk* More fish rained down. A sickly cod impaled itself on the Stalwart Gate Guard¡¯s spear. ¡°Oh no¡­ it¡¯s happening¡­ again¡­!¡± Tasha seized the moment. ¡°Eeeh!¡± The tourists cried out in terror. ¡°Can a tornado really appear out of nowhere like that?¡± The Gate Guard tightened his grip on his spear. The Charmed Adjuster looked at the clear blue sky overhead. ¡°For a rogue storm to create a vortex so suddenly is highly improbable¡­¡± *Splat* She looked at the fish next to her. ¡°But, not statistically¡­ impossible.¡± ¡°Blast it all!¡± The Gate Guard bellowed. ¡°Everyone inside! There is a chance of extreme weather. All tourists grab your children and your belongings and head inside the city gates!¡± Tasha nodded. ¡°Right away sir. Grab the carriage and start pushing. Let¡¯s go, go, go.¡± Tourists and travelers ran towards the town gate as a few more fish splatted into the streets behind them. The Charmed Adjuster collected her papers. She watched the Gate Guard herding people inside. ¡°So commanding.¡± she swooned. Meanwhile 1 Assignment Councilor I leaned over his desk and put his chin in his hand. He finished reading the fine print for a new contract. ¡°The Luthiers want a new dispensation for cellos.¡± he said. Councilor 1 looked up from across the desk. ¡°For what?¡± ¡°String length.¡± ¡°What about it?¡± ¡°They want a different tax rate on cellos compared to violins for, let me see here, materials costs.¡± ¡°Tell them to make the tiniest violin they can and play that if they¡¯re so worried about materials cost.¡± Councilor 1 scoffed. ¡°Hmmm.¡± Councilor I droned. ¡°I¡¯ll have to remember to tell them in their right ear so that they can actually hear me.¡± ¡°Hoho.¡± ¡°Hehe.¡± The two old men shared a sensible chuckle. Councilor I sat up. He held a page in his hand and yelled across the office. ¡°Copy!¡± He waited. ¡°I said copy!¡± A Frazzled Scrivener sprinted out from the corner of the office. He bowed before the Councilor, grabbed the page, then sprinted back out of the office. The two old men watched him leave without turning their heads. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. ¡°That didn''t used to take so long.¡± Councilor I mused. ¡°Indeed. Wasn¡¯t there a girl here?¡± ¡°Yes¡­ what was her name?¡± ¡°The one with the face?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°She had a name.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure she did.¡± ¡°Probably not important. But we did have better service.¡± ¡°You are correct. We used to have much better service before¡­¡± Councilor 1 trailed off. ¡°Before the Royal Summoner panicked and fled the castle not a day after the commencement of our greatest plan yet?¡¯ Councilor I finished for him. ¡°I thought it went without saying.¡± ¡°I wanted to be precise.¡± ¡°Indeed.¡± Both of the old men leaned back into the plush folds of their office chairs. The Council Chamber was quiet. Stacks of papers sat expectantly on their desks. The two Councilors steepled their fingers in unison. ¡°The Guard was sent to resolve that issue.¡± Councilor I stated. ¡°And they returned with?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°Indeed.¡± Silent paperwork filled the space between the two men. ¡°Perhaps this issue requires more, direct action.¡± Councilor I posited. ¡°What did you have in mind?¡± Councilor 1 pried. Councilor I slowly opened one of his desk drawers. With three fingers only he withdrew a crystalline bell and placed it on his writing pad. The handle of the bell was stylized in the likeness of a camelid. Councilor 1¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°You know how much Councilor A dislikes using that. He says it disorganizes the books. If that¡¯s even possible.¡± ¡°Councilor A isn¡¯t here. He¡¯s gone off to oversee one of his pet projects.¡± ¡°Indeed. Then there¡¯s no one here to object.¡± ¡°Exactly.¡± Councilor 1 gestured to proceed. Councilor I rang the bell. *Ring- ¡±You rang?¡± The voice spoke at the moment the bell¡¯s note faded. It was an intimidating voice. Low and flat, like liquid smoke. The Councilors did their best not to show their surprise. ¡°Yes. *Cough* There you are. Right on time. As always. We rang for you. *Sweat* Because, as you know, someone, has not been paying their taxes.¡± Pull 36 ¡°You never told me that your dog could talk.¡± Tasha held Eins up with two hands. The dog chewed on a barley biscuit held between two paws. Tasha took her time rotating the poufy package up and around, viewing the canine from every angle. She pressed on the dog¡¯s tummy. She poked at its ears. ¡°We never told you our dog couldn¡¯t talk.¡± Luke gave a thin smile. Tasha patted Eins down. ¡°You were right. He really does have tiny little wings.¡± The five of them were seated on a bench next to the main road leading into the city. Tasha¡¯s smoking carriage was parked behind them. ¡°I thought that you liked weird things.¡± Ash said. ¡°I like apocrypha.¡± said Tasha. ¡°What¡¯s the difference?¡± ¡°Apocrypha are fragments of otherworldly knowledge. They are incredibly rare. Every one unique. Each a cryptic puzzle demanding years of rigorous study to decipher.¡± She lifted up Eins. ¡°This¡­ this is a talking dog.¡± Eins wiggled its snout. ¡°I¡¯m not just a dog. I¡¯m also a god.¡± Tasha looked at the others. Ave shrugged. ¡°He says that sometimes.¡± # ¡°Sugars! Caffeines! Sedatives! Come one and all. Get your sprigs. Come and get your sprigs!¡± The Street Bee strolled down the boulevard. A large wooden case was strapped to his back. It *Rattle*Rattle* as he walked. A flat cutting board was attached to the straps and hung down in the middle of his chest. Dozens of colorful sheets of wax were laid out on the plank. A bullseye lantern was mounted on the front of the plank with a plump candle burning inside.. A glass bell on the lantern *Jingled*. ¡°Come get your sprigs!¡± The Street Bee bellowed. Tasha waved the street vendor down. ¡°What do you have for sedatives?¡± ¡°I have Mint and I have Earl Gray. They¡¯re all grade one.¡± he replied. ¡°Mint please. What do you guys want?¡± Tasha looked at the others. ¡°Sugar?¡± Luke glanced at Ash. Ash nodded. ¡°Two sugars.¡± Luke held up his fingers. ¡°Nothing for me.¡± Ave said. Eins pawed her leg. ¡°Er, one more sugar.¡± Eins yipped. ¡°They¡¯re five pend each.¡± The Street Bee disclosed. Tasha raised an eyebrow. Ash grimaced. ¡°We, uh, didn¡¯t bring any money.¡± Luke picked some hay out of his bangs. Tasha looked at Ave. Ave avoided eye contact. Tasha sighed and fished some coins out of her pocket. # The Street Bee grabbed one of the wax sheets on his chest desk. He rolled it into a cylinder about a centimeter wide. He pulled a pastry syringe with a long metal nozzle out of a compartment in his backpack. The vendor *Whistled* as he injected a minty gelatin into the wax rod. When he was finished he put the syringe away and used the candle mounted on his plank to soften the wax and seal the ends of the cylinder. He passed the wax sprig to Tasha. Tasha took the sprig, put one of the wax ends in her mouth, and started chewing. She let out a long minty sigh. ¡°So you¡¯re a Royal Summoner?¡± ¡°The Royal Summoner.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°Yeah. Sorry I didn¡¯t tell you earlier. I wasn¡¯t sure if I should bring it up.¡± The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°Actually¡­¡± Ave droned. ¡±It¡¯s almost been a month.¡± ¡°Since I left the Capital?¡± ¡°Yeah. The Royal Summoner is an important position. I expect that you¡¯ve been replaced by now.¡± ¡°Do you think so?¡± Luke marveled. ¡°There¡¯s no way they could pretend you¡¯re still around. Not with your unique talents. So they probably told everyone that you were fired. Or maybe that you died.¡± Ash patted Luke on the shoulder. ¡°You¡¯ve been fired? That¡¯s great! It means you can stop, telling, people, that you¡¯re the Royal Summoner.¡± The Street Bee pretended not to hear anything and handed a wax sprig to Luke. Luke took the sprig in a limp hand. He stared at the ground. ¡°Huh. I¡¯ve never been dead¡­ before.¡± He stuck the sprig in his mouth but forgot to chew. # Tasha stooped to swept some stray straw off of her carriage. ¡°If you were fired then what¡¯s the problem?¡± ¡°No problem.¡± Ash answered quickly. ¡°Before Luke left¡­¡± Ave added. Ash *Groaned* ¡°He may have summoned the Demon Lord. *Shrug* We¡¯re not entirely sure. But we¡¯re pretty sure.¡± Tasha chewed the end of her sprig. ¡°What does that mean?¡± ¡°It means we¡¯re going to save the world.¡± Ash pulled the end of the shower curtain up over his face. ¡°You two, are waaay too truthful with people.¡± *Whistle* The Street Bee tried to finish the last sprig as fast as he could. Ave stood up. Shoulders back. Spine straight. Feet shoulder width apart. ¡°Listen, we are out to save the world. The Council is up to something. They manipulated Luke for their own ends and the two of us are going to help him. Or did Luke make a mistake when he ran halfway across the Kingdom to find his best friend?¡± Ave looked at Ash. ¡°We¡¯re brothers and no he didn¡¯t.¡± Ash kicked some dirt off of his foot. Luke gently elbowed him in the ribs. Ave stared into the distance. ¡°I spent four years in the military blindly following orders. But I¡¯ve decided that I am going to save the world. From now on I say what I want and do what I want. I¡¯m not going to hide in the background anymore. Oh shit! Everyone hide!¡± Ave kicked over the bench. She shoved Ash, Luke, Eins, and Tasha to the ground. # The group fell on top of each other behind the bench like a human pile of leaves. Ave growled. Ave hissed. Tasha spit out a ball of wax. # After a painful untangling of elbows and knees, four humans and a dog peeked over the edge of the toppled bench. A grand procession entered the city through the gates. A line of Capital Guards on horseback led the way. Next was a sports carriage with a retractable roof and plush leather seats. And following at the rear two more all-terrain carriages with Guards seated on the roof watching the crowd. As the sports carriage passed their position they could see an old man with a long white robe reclining in the cab. His utter indifference to the commotion that his arrival was causing bespoke his familiarity with getting his way. Luke asked. Ash added. Tasha worried. <...> Ave hushed. The Street Bee leaned over and handed the last sprig to Ave. She whispered to him. He whispered back. Ave took the sprig. The Street Bee frowned. Eins yipped. The Street Bee hurried away. Ave handed the wax sprig to Eins. Then she dodge-rolled over to Tasha¡¯s carriage. Luke asked. Ave pulled her breastplate out of her backpack. She snapped it on with clockwork precision. She checked her reflection in one of the carriage windows, frowned, then turned and headed towards the street. ¡°I¡¯m going to get some answers.¡± Ave weaved her way through the crowd until she was in the street next to the marching soldiers. She effortlessly changed her pace as she approached the group of Guards. Her legs fell into a perfect measured march with the others. Without looking at anyone else she stepped into line with the rest and unobtrusively merged into the ranks of soldiers. Pull 37 Tasha finished applying lotion to the back of Luke¡¯s neck. ¡°There you go. All done. It¡¯s important not to let your skin dry out in the sun.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± Luke thanked her. *Rummage*Rummage* Ash dug through Tasha¡¯s carriage. ¡°Find anything?¡± Tasha called. ¡°No. All of your clothes are too small.¡± Ash called back. ¡°Did you really only have one set of clothes?¡± Ash gave her a flat stare. ¡°One good set.¡± ¡°Those were your good clothes?¡± Tasha blinked. *Rummage* Ash flattened his stare even more. He reached for another pile of junk- ¡°You two can figure this out later. This whole situation is too hot for me. I¡¯m leaving town.¡± Tasha slammed the lid of her cosmetics case closed. ¡°You just got here.¡± Luke noted. ¡°And now I¡¯m going to leave. See how that works?¡± ¡°At least let us help you with your marriage.¡± pleaded Luke. ¡°My what!?¡± Tasha flipped around. ¡°Your carriage¡­ why? What did I say?¡± Luke looked confused. ¡°My carriage?¡± Tasha looked back at her wrecked vehicle. One of the roof mounted wind turbines gave a last desperate twirl, then broke and fell onto the ground. ¡°Fine.¡± she accepted. # The Tin Smith watched the three strangers roll the broken carriage into the courtyard of his workshop. They were two boys and a young woman. The taller boy carried most of the weight of the vehicle. The thinner boy wheezed like a bellows with every step. The Tin Smith rolled a pair of dice in his hand. He tossed them up, caught them, *Box Cars*. ¡°Hrrrm¡­¡± The Tin Smith bombilated. They parked the carriage. The young woman walked over. She pushed back her wavy hair and wiped her hands on her pants. ¡°I need some parts.¡± Tasha stated. ¡°Mmm can see that.¡± The Tin Smith hummed. Tasha waited. The Tin Smith rolled the dice in his hand. ¡°Do you have any?¡± ¡°Mmmaybe.¡± ¡°Can I get some of them?¡± Tasha intoned. ¡°Mmm¡­maybe.¡± The Tin Smith looked at the wrecked carriage. ¡°Mmmight be expensive.¡± This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Tasha stuffed her hands in her pockets. Her fingers twitched. There was a nervous clicking noise. She started over. ¡°How about this? Got any snap-locks?¡± ¡°Hmmm. I do get a few odd bits frommm the Ocean¡¯s Bounty every nnnow and then.¡± The Tin Smith mumbled. ¡°Youuu a lock-jock?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a jock who can snap a snap-lock off a lock-jock¡¯s lock in a snap and a pop.¡± The Tin Smith tossed his dice. *Sevens* ¡°Hmmm. Come back tomorrow. We¡¯ll see about mmmaking a deal for your carriage.¡± ¡°Great. See you then.¡± Tasha walked back over to Ash and Luke. She shook their hands. ¡°Well¡­ goodbye.¡± ¡°You¡¯re leaving?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No. But I am walking in a different direction from you.¡± said Tasha. ¡°You don¡¯t have to-¡± Luke offered. ¡°No. No. This is for the best.¡± Ash interrupted. He returned the handshake. ¡°We¡¯ve caused you enough trouble already. We should find someplace to wait for Ave. We won¡¯t bother you any- Oh crap! Get down!¡± Ash shoved Luke and Tasha into a bush next to the entrance of the Tin Smith¡¯s workshop. He jumped in afterwards. Tasha retoned. Ash hissed. Luke asked. Luke poked his head out of the bush. said Luke. Ash attempted to dodge roll out of the bushes. The shower curtain caught on a branch. Ash flashed his seat support to the entire street. # Ted and Jack stopped in their tracks in the street outside the workshop. ¡°Is that Ash?¡± Ted asked. ¡°I would recognise those skinny ankles anywhere. It is him!¡± Jack shouted. # Luke snapped the shower curtain off the bush and lifted Ash to his feet. ¡°Hey!¡± Ash shouted at the Tin Smith. He pointed across the workshop to a heavy wooden door on the other side. ¡°Where does that door lead?¡± ¡°Hmmm¡­ up.¡± The Tin Smith droned. Ash looked over his shoulder at Tasha. ¡°Different directions! Good idea! See you later!¡± ¡°Or not! It was nice to meet you either way!¡± Luke waved. Luke and Ash sprinted across the courtyard. Ash weaseled his way through a gap in the door. Luke took a running jump and vaulted over the top. The two of them disappeared into the street on the other side. Two boys, one broad, one wide, chased across the courtyard after them. ¡°What are they doing here?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°We need to find them before¡­¡± ¡°Before?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Something bad I¡¯m sure. Help me with this door.¡± The two boys worked together to heave the heavy wooden door open. They also ran into the street after the other two. The Tin Smith watched them go without getting up from his chair. He tossed his dice. ¡°Hrrrm.¡± *Snake Eyes* # ¡°Likewise¡­¡± Tasha waved. She let her arm drop limply to her side. Tasha walked over to her carriage. She started packing up her cosmetics case and what clean clothes she could find. ¡°Well that was exciting.¡± Eins chirped. The dog popped its head out of a basket. ¡°Yaaa! What? Why are you? When did you?¡± Tasha waved a hairbrush in the air. Eins shuffled off the top of a junk pile. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you go with them?¡± she asked. ¡°Ash said to get down. So I did.¡± said Eins. ¡°Well¡­ go find them.¡± ¡°But I don¡¯t know where they are.¡± Eins whimpered. The dog sat down on the edge of the doorframe. Tasha didn¡¯t say anything. She finished packing. She threw a satchel over her shoulder. She walked out of the courtyard. She left the workshop. # The Tin Smith rolled the dice in his hand. *Clickety*Clack* # Eins wiggled nervously on the edge of the carriage. Tasha leeeaned her head back around the corner. ¡°Come on.¡± Eins hopped down and trotted after her. Pull 38 Llama ¡°Where are we going?¡± Eins padded along next to Tasha. Tasha waved towards the center of town. ¡°To the center of the Town. I have some business to take care of. Then we can look for your¡­ owners? Traveling companions?¡± ¡°Friends.¡± The city of Kaseihgaeu was built on a hill. Each of the four main streets arced away from the four main gates and spiraled towards the hill at the center. The wealthiest townhomes and hotels were built into the sides of these curling streets. Smaller alleys and cross streets branched off from these main paths like the veins of a leaf. Tasha popped a side panel on her travel cosmetics case. She began massaging some compound onto her skin. Eins peeked over the top of her cosmetics case. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Eins asked. ¡°Foundation.¡± ¡°And that?¡± ¡°Concealer.¡± Tasha tied her hair back. ¡°What is that? It looks like a nail clipper.¡± Eins inquired. ¡°It¡¯s for your eyelashes. It¡¯s an eyelash trimmer.¡± ¡°It looks like a torture implement.¡± ¡°Most beauty products are.¡± *Trim*Snip* Tasha kept walking without looking at the other people on the road. ¡°Why would you want to trim your eyelashes?¡± Eins questioned. ¡°So you can use this.¡± She held up a new implement. ¡°It¡¯s an eyelash brush.¡± ¡°And what does that do?¡± Tasha halted. She looked down at Eins. ¡°How do you not know this?¡± ¡°Hmmm?¡± Eins tilted its head. ¡°You said that you were a god. Aren¡¯t you like a million years old? Shouldn¡¯t you be all knowing or something?¡° Tasha briefly jazzed her hands in the air. ¡°I knooow¡­¡± Eins hid its face with its paws. ¡°The truth is I haven¡¯t been around people¡­ recently.¡± Eins started pacing in a circle. ¡°It¡¯s hard to keep up with changes in human culture. There are so many of you. And you¡¯re all so busy all the time. People have big expectations about gods and what they¡¯re supposed to do. I want to help. I really do. But I don¡¯t want to get things wrong. I don¡¯t want to make any mistakes.¡± ¡°You get nervous around new people. Is that it?¡± said Tasha. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± said Eins. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t know anything about that.¡± she stated. ¡°Oh¡­¡± Tasha put away her eyelash brush. ¡°But, it is hard meeting expectations. People get ideas about how you should behave. Sometimes it¡¯s just easier to keep moving and meet new people instead.¡± Eins wagged its tail in understanding. ¡°That¡¯s right. That way you never get too attached to people. And you can never disappoint them.¡± Stolen novel; please report. ¡°Exactly.¡± Tasha leaned over and patted Eins on the head. ¡°It¡¯s so nice to find someone that understands.¡± Eins colluded. The two of them smiled at each other for longer than was necessary. ¡°Speaking of expectations.¡± Tasha¡¯s eyes flicked left and right. ¡°I¡¯m talking to a dog in the middle of a very busy street. This is, perhaps, not the kind of attention we want to gather.¡± Eins shook its head. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I don¡¯t think anyone is on the lookout for OhNoHide!¡± Eins kicked off the ground and headbutted Tasha into a fountain. *Ker-Splash* ¡°What was that-¡± Eins put a paw over Tasha¡¯s mouth. *Tip*Tap*Tip*Tap* Tasha and Eins peeked over the edge of the fountain''s basin. # In the distance a camelid head could be seen over the crowd of people in the street. A large animal strode down the middle of the road at a smooth confident pace. Nearby tourists and travelers parted to either side in the face of the creature¡¯s confidence. Nervous tarpins gave the approaching animal plenty of room. *Tip*Tap* The crowd moved out of the way next to the fountain that Tasha and Eins were hiding in. A Llama almost two and a half meters tall paused on the cobblestones. Its fur was a velvety caramel brown. Its toenails were neat. Manicured. A thick bush of hair surrounded its head. A long silk scarf was tied around its waist, around each haunch, and then back up and twice around its neck. It held a wooden pipe between its teeth. The Llama¡¯s head snapped around. Eins and Tasha instinctively ducked down into the fountain. ¡°Hmmm.¡± The Llama grumbled. With a flick of its lip it pulled the wooden pipe between its rear molars. *Crunch* The Llama chewed the pipe like a piece of hard candy. *Crunch*Crunch* As the Llama loudly masticated the pipe it scanned the crowd. The tourists avoided eye contact with the creature. A passing City Guard made great effort not to notice that an unrestrained animal was standing in the middle of a busy street. *Crunch*Gulp* The Llama licked a few lingering splinters out of its teeth. ¡°Hmmm.¡± It grumbled again. An absent-minded tourist stopped next to the Llama. He lit a cigarette with a match. The Llama turned. It leaned its muzzle down next to the man. The tourist stood perfectly still. The cigarette inches from his mouth. The match paralyzed in his hand. The Llama¡¯s neck blotted out the sun. ¡°Hmmm.¡± The Llama¡¯s lips parted ever so slightly. It plucked the match out of the tourist¡¯s hand. The end of the match *Sizzled* out in the Llama¡¯s mouth. The animal used its tongue to wedge the matchstick into a satisfying position between its teeth, then turned and started walking back up the street. # Tasha looked at her face in a hand mirror. *Deep Breathing* She sat down hard on the rim of the fountain and started wringing the water out of her hair. ¡°So are you being chased by that Llama?¡± she asked. ¡°No. Probably not. Not me at least.¡± said Eins. Eins shook out its fur. Tasha was just inside the splash zone. *Deeper Breathing* Tasha finished wringing the water out of her pants. ¡°That¡¯s it.¡± she asserted. ¡°I have no more time. I¡¯m late enough as it is.¡± ¡°Where are we going?¡± Eins asked. ¡°We¡¯re not going anywhere. I have an appointment. I have to change my clothes. Redo my makeup. And I don¡¯t have any more time to spend hiding from strangers, or animals, or strange animals.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think that Llama was looking for us.¡± ¡°Either way, why don¡¯t you just stay here.¡± Tasha patted Eins on the head. ¡°You don¡¯t want me to come with you?¡± Tasha bit her lip. ¡°It¡¯s not that. I have to move fast, and your tiny little legs won¡¯t be able to keep up.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Eins looked down at its paws. ¡°I see.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Eins furrowed its eyebrows. ¡°But maybe I could keep up¡­ if you carry me?¡± Eins grinned. *Deepest Breathing* Pull 39 The Bowler Hat Rascal *Yawned*. He leaned against the building door. A young woman wearing a loose jacket ran towards him. Her wavy hair was pulled up under a cloche. ¡°You¡¯re late.¡± he grumbled at her. Tasha tilted her cloche and raised an eyebrow. ¡°Can¡¯t be late to a meeting that isn¡¯t happening.¡± she smarmed back at him. ¡°Fair enough.¡± he shrugged. *Sniff*Sniff* ¡°Why do you smell like wet dog?¡± The muzzle of a small white dog poked up and out of Tasha¡¯s jacket. Eins was jammed into the top of her overalls. The dog¡¯s paws held onto the top of her denim suspenders. ¡°Bark!¡± The Bowler Hat Rascal *Sniffed* again. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°He¡¯s with me.¡± Tasha added. ¡°I can see that. But why is he with you?¡± he asked. ¡°He¡¯s my, uh, mascot?¡± ¡°Are you asking me or telling me?¡± ¡°I¡¯m allowed to have a dog. It¡¯s not against the rules.¡± ¡°Fair enough. But! He needs a hat.¡± Tasha blinked in surprise. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Everyone wears a hat. Those are the rules.¡± ¡°Even for a dog?¡± ¡°Everyone.¡± The Bowler Hat Rascal crossed his beefy arms. ¡°Fine.¡± Tasha patted down her pockets. She turned and started pulling things out of her cosmetics case. The stern door guard waited impassively next to his post. After several seconds Tasha whirled around. A wide ribbon had been tied around Ein¡¯s chin and up over the ears into a massive bow almost as big as the dog¡¯s head. Tasha presented the bow. ¡°Fair enough?¡± The Bowler Hat Rascal stood up straight. He put his palm against the iron bracketed door behind him and pushed it open. ¡°You¡¯re still late.¡± Tasha hustled past him. # The tunnel behind the door branched off into a labyrinthian network of passages. Ancient yellowed arc-lamps were placed at many of the intersections. Several of the lamps had crusted over chem-batteries jammed into their sockets. Most of the lamps flickered as beads of moisture dripped down their glass cases. At irregular intervals entire sections of the tunnel were sucked into darkness. ¡°Is this a Donjon?¡± asked Eins. ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡± replied Tasha. ¡°I think these are service tunnels under the city.¡± ¡°Where did they come from?¡± ¡°The Gambling Hall on the top of the hill uses them to transport goods around without using the streets. There are layers of sewers, tunnels, and even elevators everywhere under the hill.¡± ¡°Impressive. I didn¡¯t know that humans were building things like this. You humans are doing great. Keep it up.¡± Eins patted Tasha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°That¡¯s uh¡­ thank you, I guess.¡± Tasha leaned against a wall in the flickering light. She examined a piece of graffiti scratched into one of the bricks. ¡°This way.¡± she said to herself. ¡°Where are we going?¡± asked Eins. ¡°To a meeting. And remember what I said. No talking. Not while we¡¯re down here, and definitely not afterwards about anything that you happen to hear or see.¡± ¡°I understand. No talking. My lips are sealed.¡± Eins nodded. Tasha turned the corner. At the end of the tunnel was another large door. A young man in a newsboy hat was nervously bouncing on his toes in front of the door. whispered Eins. # ¡°Oh hey. You, uh, you here for the meeting?¡± The Newsboy Thief asked as he saw Tasha come down the tunnel. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± she said. ¡°Cool. Cool, cool, cooooo.¡± The boy rocked on his heels. The Newsboy Thief adjusted his newsboy hat. He waited next to the door. He was young. Barely in his mid teens. He still had a round face and soft curly hair. Testosterone had only recently started to stretch out his body turning him into a creature made of all elbows and knees. ¡°I¡¯m really excited. I¡¯ve never been called in for anything this big before.¡± he said. ¡°Is that right? Let me give you some advice then, keep your head down. Don¡¯t talk unless someone asks you a question. You get a cut just for showing up.¡± ¡°Oh boy. My sponsor will be so glad to hear that.¡± Tasha pointed at the door. ¡°Are you going in?¡± ¡°Uh yeah, after you?¡± he stepped aside. Tasha opened the door at the end of the tunnel. It led into an underground bunker that had been built large enough to contain a competition size swimming pool, mostly because it did contain a competition sized swimming pool. Catwalks crossed the ceiling. Metal freight elevators were arranged around the sides. Dozens of people were already milling around the floor. There was a ping pong table in one corner. Tasha slipped into the crowd. Her boots *Tapped* on the tiled floor. The Newsboy Thief followed in on her heels. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°I see you have a mascot. That¡¯s so cool. Are you, like, really important? Are you the Dog Thief or something like that? Is the dog like your calling card?¡± ¡°What? No. I¡¯m a lockpick. That¡¯s it. I¡¯m only here for the meeting.¡± ¡°How big do you think that swimming pool is? Do you think that¡¯s part of it? Is this an audition? Are we going to have to swim as part of the plan? Should I take off my shoes?¡± The Newsboy Thief pulled up one of his legs. Tasha grabbed him by the hand. ¡°No! No, no. Moons no. Look at all these people. This floor is filthy. You do not want to be walking on it in your bare feet. Just calm down. Let¡¯s wait for the meeting to start.¡± ¡°I¡¯m Nick by the way.¡± ¡°Tasha. Nice to meet you. And this is Eins. My¡­ crap, I guess he¡¯s my mascot.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you Eins.¡± Nick patted Eins on the head. ¡°Bark¡± # ¡°Everyone. Thank you all for coming.¡± Three people ascended the stairs to the diving boards at the edge of the pool. They had to stand elbow to elbow to cram onto the platform. The Peach Basket Bandit had on a blouse with voluminous ruffles at the neck and wrists. She wore a modest floor length skirt and conservative leather boots. She held a folded parasol demurely in front of her as she stood on the platform. Her Peach Basket was pulled down close and hid her eyes from view. The Panama Pilferer was shorter. He wore a loose cotton shirt and a bright yellow jacket. He had applied shadow, rouge, and lipstick so that his features were recognizable at a distance in the large underground chamber. The Phrygian Defalcator was taller than the other two. His Phrygian hat was tilted rakishly to the side exposing his dark hair. He wore a pair of hip hugging denim pants. His belt was made out of a short length of golden chain with a generous belt buckle. Each length of the chain was almost as wide as his hand. His silk shirt was cut low and his sleeveless overcoat was left unbuttoned to reveal his smooth chest and toned arms. The Phrygian Defalcator widened his stance and addressed the room. ¡°We are glad that you all could make it. I assure you that this will be worth your time. We Haberdashers are the only truly honest-¡± ¡°Hey! Stop playing ping pong and pay attention!¡± The Peach Basket Bandit shouted across the room. *Dissatisfied Grumbles* The Phrygian Defalcator continued. *Ahem* ¡°We are the only truly honest profession. In a world where the weak and undeserving plead to the gods for wealth, only we who are skilled in our craft are-¡± *Ping*Plunk*Splash* Everyone turned. ¡°Ah! Ah. Sorry! Hold on!¡± Nick splashed around in the opposite end of the pool. Tasha whispered at him. he said. Nick tried to pull himself out of the pool. His hands slipped on the edge and he tumbled back in. ¡°Ah! Why is it so greasy?¡± Tasha shook her head. Tasha grabbed one of Nick¡¯s hands. Eins hopped out of her overalls and bit down on Nick¡¯s other sleeve. The two of them dragged the soggy boy out of the pool. Nick stood up and did his best to shake water out his clothes. ¡°Thanks for that.¡± he said to Tasha. ¡°Don¡¯t mention it. You needed a hand.¡± Tasha picked up Eins. ¡°Oh Eins. Look at you. Your paws are filthy now.¡± Tasha took out a cloth and started wiping the dog¡¯s paws clean. # *Ahem-hem* ¡°We are honest and skilled and we are¡­¡± The Phrygian Defalcator waved his hand dismissively. ¡°The best of the best. Justice and Nescience.¡± The man tipped his hat to his audience. ¡°Justice and Nescience.¡± The people in the chamber repeated in unison. They tipped their hats to him. Tasha and Nick tipped their hats. Water *Trickled* off of Nick¡¯s newsboy hat. The Phrygian Defalcator stepped back. The Panama Pilferer stepped forward. He wobbled momentarily on the diving board at the edge of the platform. *Ahem-hem-hem* The Panama Pilferer cleared his throat. ¡°We¡¯ve called you all here for one of the greatest heists in the last century. This is the greatest collection of thieves in the known world. If we pull this off, no, when we pull this off everyone of you will be set for life.¡± *Excited Applause* The Panama Pilferer smiled. ¡°Now then, can anyone tell me what we are standing under.¡± ¡°A roof?¡± Someone shouted. ¡°A ceiling!¡± Another person called out. ¡°The ground.¡± ¡°The sky!¡± ¡°A hemispherical domed chamber?¡± ¡°Another pool!?¡± Whispered the Phrygian Defalcator. The Panama Pilferer held up a finger. ¡°Everyone! What we are standing under, is the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± *Silence* ¡°The Gambling Hall.¡± he said. *More Silence* ¡°The largest Gambling Hall in the four kingdoms?¡± *The sound of water lapping in the pool* ¡°Which just so happens to have a massive vault filled with treasure.¡± ¡°Oooh.¡± The crowd said. ¡°Right above us.¡± The Panama Pilferer nodded to everyone. ¡°Ahhh.¡± The crowd nodded along. ¡°Listen to me. I¡¯ve been working on this plan for years. Once it¡¯s complete, it will be the greatest heist the world has ever known. We¡¯ll be famous, err, infamous. Either way we¡¯ll be rich beyond our wildest dreams!¡± ¡°Hurray!¡± The crowd cheered. The Panama Pilferer took some papers out of his pants pocket. ¡°Okay, now we have some surveys for you all to fill out. Make sure that you fill these out correctly. List all of your references and make sure you¡¯re filling out the front and back of each sheet. This will also serve as proof of attendance.¡± Someone raised a hand. ¡°Do we need a cover page?¡± The Phrygian Defalcator stepped up. ¡°You do not need a cover page unless you¡¯re filling out a reimbursement request. If you have any other questions please ask your sponsor.¡± # Tasha *Sighed*. ¡°This is what I always disliked about the Thieves Guild. There¡¯s so much paperwork.¡± Nick shuffled some papers in his wet hands. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I kind of like it. It keeps everything nice and organized. As they say: Crime without organization is anarchy.¡± *Groan* ¡°You sound like my former husband.¡± ¡°Oh look. There¡¯s my sponsor. Hey! Over here!¡± shouted Nick. ¡°Oh witchtits! That¡¯s your sponsor!?¡± Tasha turned around. She pulled her collar up and her cloche down. The Phrygian Defalcator walked confidently through the crowd. ¡°Hello there Nick. How are you enjoying your first Haberdasher meeting?¡± ¡°It¡¯s great master Reference. I can¡¯t wait to get started on our big job.¡± Nick bounced. ¡°That¡¯s wonderful Nick. Remember to include me on your sponsor sheet.¡± said the older man. ¡°I will sir.¡± said Nick. ¡°And who is this?¡± ¡°Sorry. This is the person who pulled me from the pool. This is my sponsor, Mr Jonathan Reference.¡± said Nick. Jonathan cocked his hips to the side and held up a hand in front of his chest. ¡°Pause, pause, pause. You can refer to me simply as Reference.¡± He gave a brash smile. Tasha didn¡¯t turn around. ¡°Come on. Why don¡¯t you turn around and show me your face? I¡¯m very good at recognizing people¡¯s faces.¡± said Jonathan. ¡°Uh, excuse me, I have¡­ a cold.¡± said a dog-like voice from Tasha¡¯s midsection. ¡°Oh? I¡¯m sorry to hear that. Listen if you don¡¯t feel well then you shouldn¡¯t have come to the meeting. Executing a proper confidence scheme requires a lot of stamina and concentration. You can¡¯t do your best work if you don¡¯t feel well. You should take some time off until you feel better.¡± ¡°Thanks. You¡¯re right. Well, we should go.¡± Tasha began sliding away without turning around. ¡°It was good meeting you. See you later Tasha.¡± said Nick. ¡°Tasha?¡± The Phrygian Defalcator did a double take. Tasha sprinted towards the exit. Pull 40 Ash pressed himself up against a lamp post. ¡°Do you see them?¡± Luke poked his head out from behind a statue. He scanned the crowd. ¡°I don¡¯t see them. I wonder what they were doing here.¡± ¡°What are we doing here?¡± Ash groused. ¡°Well we are running away from our oldest school friends, while Ave was running towards one of the most powerful men in the Kingdom.¡± Luke surmised. ¡°Hey you two!¡± a voice yelled at them. ¡°What?¡± Luke looked around. ¡°Get out of here. You¡¯re scaring my pigeons.¡± The Pigeon Merchant yelled. Ash and Luke crawled out from their hiding places next to a merchant¡¯s stall on the side of the street. The Pigeon Merchant¡¯s stall had a low table that was covered with birdcages. Each cage contained a plump, wide-eyed bird. *Cooo* Ash and Luke moved off the side of the road and back into the street. ¡°Sorry. Sorry.¡± Luke apologized. *Tch* ¡°Tourists.¡± The Pigeon Merchant sneered at them. He turned back to the crowd of people walking past his stall. ¡°Pigeons! Lucky Pigeons! Get them while they¡¯re fat! Bigger the bird, better the luck, get your pigeons here!¡± # Ash and Luke rambled back into the street. They began absent mindedly following the crowd. Ash looked around at the tourists. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen this many people in my life.¡± He looked over the railing on the edge of the hill they were walking up. ¡°Even for a city of this size I don¡¯t know how they all fit.¡± Luke walked up next to Ash. ¡°This is nothing. The Capital is even bigger.¡± ¡°Are the streets this noisy too?¡± ¡°Oh, I wouldn¡¯t really know. But the view from the Palace was incredible.¡± The two of them turned and kept walking up the hill. ¡°Everybody in the crowd seems real excited.¡± Luke observed. ¡°Everybody in this whole town seems real excited.¡± Ash hunched his shoulders. ¡°I don¡¯t like it. People shouldn¡¯t be eager to walk down the street in a large group. They should be bored. And they should be frustrated that the streets are so crowded.¡± ¡°Different city, different rules.¡± ¡°Bah.¡± The two of them surfed along with the momentum of the crowd. ¡°What are those?¡± Ash pointed up above the street. A colorful banner had been strung up between two street light poles. The banner was covered with pictures of gleaming weapons surrounded by smiling faces. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s an advertisement.¡± ¡°For a magic sword? That doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡± ¡°Look. There¡¯s another one.¡± It was Luke¡¯s turn to point. ¡°That one has jewelry.¡± ¡°And there¡¯s another one for, farm animals?¡± ¡°They all mention something called the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. I wonder what that is.¡± Ash and Luke turned the corner. They stopped wondering. On the top of the hill at the center of Kaseihgaeu a sprawling plaza stretched out before them. The four main streets of the city converged at this plaza and funneled the visiting tourists to this location. Trimmed topiaries and brick lined boulevards circled the edges of the space. In the middle of the plaza was an enormous domed building. Larger than any other structure in the city. It was decorated with marble columns carved to resemble sea monsters and stained glass windows stylized to look like dice. Plaster playing cards adorned the walls of the building. Expensive looking arc-lamps the size of wine barrels shot beams of light high into the air making sure that the building was illuminated at all times. Luke *Snapped* his fingers. ¡°That¡¯s right. This is the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. The largest Gambling Hall in the entire Kingdom.¡± Ash pulled his jaw back up from where it was hanging down. ¡°This place. This whooole place, is only used for gambling!?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. It¡¯s one of the most popular tourist attractions in the kingdom. Maybe in all four kingdoms. Everyone I know in the Capital has been here at least once. They all talk about it. It¡¯s supposed to be amazing. And now that I¡¯m dead I finally get to go.¡± *Sigh* Luke stared into one of the massive arc-lamps. Ash gently pulled him away. ¡°Come on. We came to this town like everyone else. That means we¡¯re tourists. And that means we should probably go inside and take a look right? You would like that wouldn¡¯t you.¡± ¡°I would like that.¡± Luke nodded. # The Tattooed Bouncer finished his set of fifty squats as he watched tourists file into the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. He stood up straight and flexed his toes. He retrieved a hand towel from the balance bar he had set up next to the entrance and wiped down his neck. He pulled a yogurt cup out of his back pocket, popped the wooden spoon off the top, and started eating. Ash and Luke walked past him. ¡°Hheh, hheh, nuu hnntrrrnce.¡± He tried to shout around the spoon. Ash and Luke stopped in their tracks. ¡°What?¡± Ash asked. *Gulp* ¡°I said no entrance.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer reiterated. ¡°What? Why not.¡± Ash questioned. ¡°Uh, because this is the fanciest Gambling Hall in the entire kingdom. There¡¯s a dress code. Get it?¡± The Tattooed Bouncer gestured at Ash with his spoon. ¡°No entrance for you.¡± Ash looked down at the shower curtain wrapped around him. ¡°Seriously?¡± Ash exclaimed. ¡°Yeah man, seriously. *Gulp* Nothing personal. I just work here.¡± Ash stared at the Bouncer. Then he completely blanked out for 3 seconds, 2 seconds, 1 second. ¡°Who are they?¡± On impulse Ash pointed at another line of people walking into the Gambling Hall. The people in question had sheer skin tight blouses, hip hugging silk skirts, and hair so voluptuous it looked like the meringue on top of a lemon pie. The Tattooed Bouncer casually watched the others file into the building. He turned to Ash. ¡°Those are performers.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a performer too.¡± Ash blurted. The Tattooed Bouncer scrunched his face around the spoon in his mouth. ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll show you.¡± Ash grabbed the man¡¯s hand towel. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. Ash laid the towel down over his outstretched hand. The bouncer furrowed his eyebrows. Ash pulled up the towel. A stack of seven brown speckled oranges was balanced on his palm. The Tattooed Bouncer frowned. The end of the spoon in his mouth tipped down. ¡°Anyone can do that.¡± he said. ¡°Sure. But can they do this?¡± Ash dropped the oranges on the ground. He replaced the cloth on his hand. When he raised it a second time there was a stack of apples. The bouncer¡¯s left eyebrow raised. Ash repeated the process again. This time he revealed a pile of mangos. The bouncer¡¯s right eyebrow raised. Ash let the fruit fall to the ground. He raised his arms with a flourish. The Tattooed Bouncer chewed his spoon. ¡°Shocked. Shocked I am. That is an impressive trick. Tell me, How¡¯d you do it? Gemstones tucked behind your knuckles? Maybe extra fruits shoved up your dress?¡± ¡°I would tell you if I could but¡­ I can¡¯t¡± Ash grinned. ¡°Haha. Too right my man. Very well. Pop on in.¡± ¡°Thank you very much.¡± Ash bowed. He and Luke started walking into the building. ¡°If I might make a suggestion.¡± The Bouncer said as they walked past. ¡°Hmmm?¡± Ash paused. ¡°Work on your timing. Your fruit smells.¡± ¡°Thank you for the suggestion.¡± Ash said with clenched teeth. ¡°Oh! And don¡¯t forget your props.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer crushed up his yogurt cup. He started a set of fifty side stretches. # ¡°Whoa.¡± The interior of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty was lavishly furnished. Doorways were made to look like the open mouths of whales. Gold plated fountains were decorated with leaping fish. Hanging chandeliers in the shape of krakens dangled crystalline arc lamps from the ends of their tentacles. Felt topped tables were arranged around the room for a variety of dice and card games. Wheels marked with red and black numbers spun above tables of yelling tourists. Velvet ropes and stanchions tastefully divided the game tables from the main walkways. A string quartet played lively music from inside an elevated stage shaped like an open clamshell. Luke¡¯s head swiveled left and right. ¡°This place is huge.¡± ¡°And noisy.¡± Ash covered his ears. Bells, whistles, laughter, and shouting echoed from every corner of the building. Cocktail servers mingled in amongst the crowd. All of them wore satin pants layered with sequins to look like fish scales. The female bartenders wore a variety of clamshell tops while the men went shirtless except for shark tooth necklaces. ¡°Let¡¯s take a look around.¡± Luke scampered off into the hall. The two boys took turns gazing in astonishment at each new marvel in the venue. ¡°Is that a fountain? An indoor fountain?¡± Luke pointed. ¡°It¡¯s not that impressive.¡± Ash observed ¡°It is a fountain. And it¡¯s not even a water fountain. It¡¯s a fountain of gold.¡± ¡°How pretentious can you get?¡± Ash shrugged. ¡°Sorry. No. It¡¯s not gold. It¡¯s cheese. Still though, a cheese fountain. What will people think of next.¡± Luke dipped a finger in the liquid yellow dairy product. ¡°Luke, no. You don¡¯t know how many people have put their hands in there.¡± *Gulp* ¡°You gotta come try this fountain cheese. It¡¯s not very good but there is a lot of it.¡± ¡°Blegh.¡± Ash made a face. ¡°Ladies and Gentlemen¡­¡± Ash¡¯s head tilted to the side. ¡°Did you hear that?¡± ¡°Connoisseurs and Cognocentes¡­¡± ¡°There¡¯s something happening over there. Let¡¯s check it out.¡± Ash pulled Luke away from the cheese buffet. # Ash and Luke elbowed their way into a large auditorium. At the center of the room was a circular arena. Row upon row of tiered bench seating surrounded it on all sides. Thousands of tourists were seated inside. Above the seating metal catwalks were suspended from the ceiling. Technicians used mirrored arc lamps mounted on the catwalks to direct beams of light around the auditorium. The spotlights snapped to one side of the arena illuminating a woman standing on a raised platform. She was an older woman, tall and lithe. Fine lines highlighted the corners of her eyes and mouth. Her skin, though healthy, was slightly more reflective at the extremities. This caused her fingernails, lips, ears, and eyelids to appear slightly more blue than red. Her floor length, curly hair naturally faded at the tips to a light champagne color. Her eyelashes were deeply black and her ears were pierced with tiny golden studs in the shape of skulls. She wore a vibrant peach colored dress. Dabs of achiote paint created a spiral pattern down the side of her neck. Her hazel eyes demanded attention. Even without the spotlights she would have commanded the room. She spoke. ¡°Saints and Sinners¡­ Welcome! One and all, to the Ocean¡¯s Bounty!¡± Her voice boomed out over the room. The tourists cheered in response. # Ash and Luke gazed down from the rear of the auditorium. ¡°Looks like some sort of event.¡± Luke craned his neck over the crowd. ¡°Pathetic isn¡¯t it?¡± A droll voice exhaled from behind them. Ash and Luke turned around. A young man lounged against the wall behind them. The young man wore a finely tailored vest and a jacket with a high collar. The jacket was draped loose over his shoulders, no one button matching its correct hole. He had sharp features with a chin as pointed as the tip of his loafers. His hair was cropped close on the sides and loose on top, styled with extra gel. There was the shadow of a beard on his cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. ¡°All of these feckless voyeurs gathered around in a big circle while they watch gullible tourists throw their money into a pit.¡± He continued his one sided conversation. The young man walked over to the edge of the arena seating. He put his elbow on the railing around the exterior of the seating and started chewing on a handful of shrimp he was carrying. ¡°I almost envy their stupidity. Wouldn¡¯t it be grand to be so easily entertained.¡± He gave Ash and Luke a sideways glance. ¡°I¡¯m Vance.¡± He shot out a hand to Luke. ¡°I¡¯m Luke.¡± Luke shook Vance¡¯s hand. ¡°Ash.¡± Ash offered as well, but made no move to shake hands. *Goop* Luke pulled away his sticky hand. ¡°That was lemon butter sauce. Don¡¯t worry. There¡¯s plenty more.¡± Vance pulled a butcher paper bag out of his jacket and dropped some shrimp tails into it. ¡°Do you work here?¡± Ash looked at Vance¡¯s jacket. It was styled with consummate v¡¯s that gave the impression of fish scales. ¡°No. I just can¡¯t help appreciating the fashion.¡± said Vance. ¡°So Vance, are you from Kaseihgaeu?¡± asked Luke. ¡°I¡¯ve lived here all my life.¡± Vance replied. ¡°So you must come to the Ocean¡¯s Bounty a lot.¡± ¡°I¡¯m practically a fixture of this place.¡± Vance gave a crooked smile. ¡°You don¡¯t seem to like it very much.¡± Ash sniffed. ¡°Shush. They¡¯re about to begin the big show.¡± Vance pointed over the heads of the audience at the woman on the platform. ¡°That¡¯s Lady House. She owns the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. These little contests were her genius idea.¡± # Lady House stepped up to the edge of the platform. ¡°Let¡¯s meet today¡¯s contestants.¡± She bellowed out to the crowd. The spotlights swung down. Ten tourists filed into the arena from a side door. A circular stage had been set up in the center of the auditorium. The tourists waved to the audience as they took their seats in ten chairs that were spread out around the boundary of the stage. ¡°I hope that you all are ready. Let¡¯s reveal tonight¡¯s limited time challenge.¡± Lady House *Snapped* her fingers. A large roll of cloth hanging over the auditorium was released. The giant banner fell into place revealing a stylized printing of a porcelain teacup and kettle. ¡°Who¡¯s ready for a new luxury tea set?¡± Lady House played to the crowd. Ten servers in sequined outfits entered the arena from the side. Each one carried a small platter with a silk cover. They turned and presented the platters to the assembled tourists. The covers were removed. An orange gemstone was presented on each platter. Each of the tourists in the arena took their gemstone in hand. ¡°Let¡¯s start the Event!¡± Lady House yelled. She pulled a lever on the platform. A giant decahedron rolled out of a hidden door and into the center of the arena. The crowd cheered as the die came to a stop. ¡°Seat number three! You¡¯re the first contestant. Let¡¯s see what you¡¯ve got.¡± A spotlight centered itself on the tourist sitting in seat three. The tourist waved nervously to the crowd. They held up their crystal, concentrated, then summoned a tea set. The audience erupted in applause. # Ash leaned over the railing. ¡°So they all take turns summoning the same thing?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± said Vance. The young man picked shrimp out of his teeth with his pinky nail. ¡°And the person that summons the best one, they win?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°What does the winner win? The tea set?¡± ¡°No, no, no. They win all of the tea sets.¡± Vance spread his arms. ¡°That¡¯s pretty good I guess.¡± Ash itched the side of his neck. Vance *Clapped* his hands together. ¡°It¡¯s genius. Don¡¯t you get it? No one needs ten tea sets. Or ten magic swords. Or ten different farm animals. If you summon the best one then that¡¯s the only one that you want to keep.¡± Vance put an arm around Luke¡¯s and Ash¡¯s shoulders. He pulled them in tight. ¡°So the Gambling Hall offers to take the others off of your hands. They pay you tokens for the extras. Tokens that you can only exchange for prizes here at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± ¡°So one person gets a rare summon and Lady House gets nine free pulls and a show.¡± said Ash. ¡°More than that! They take bets on the Event. Who will pull the best? Who will pull the worst? What the value spread between them will be. And of course the winners get more tokens which can be exchanged with the Gambling Hall for more pulls in the Banner Events.¡± Ash shoved Vance away. ¡°Wait. You¡¯re telling me that they take bets on who can pull the worst item?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. People love betting on misery.¡± Ash tried to pull his eyelids down to his chin. ¡°Why am I only learning about this now?¡± Pull 41 The Disguised Panama Pilferer tried to keep his face from showing an obvious smile. He was sitting in one of the best spots in the contestant¡¯s circle. He would be the next to last person to summon for this event. He would have plenty of opportunity to observe the other players and see what kind of pulls they got before making his own. ¡°Tourists. *Chuckle* They always get nervous when they get into a seat in the arena. If you want to win you gotta stay calm. Cool. Collected.¡± he said to himself. He rolled the orange crystal gemstone across his knuckles. The tourist in the nine seat summoned a glass decanter with a spout too short to effectively pour. ¡°Another lame summon. No need to rush.¡± he breathed calmly. The tourist in the ten seat summoned a delicate porcelain cup and saucer¡­ with a visible crack running all the way across the plate. The Disguised Panama Pilferer raised an eyebrow to the bored server standing next to him with the empty platter. It was his turn. ¡°Showtime.¡± He said. ¡°Nothing outstanding. No reason for me to throw the event with a bad pull for some extra pity tokens. Let¡¯s finish this Event off with a bang.¡± The spotlight illuminating the arena from the catwalk above moved over to his number one seat. The Panama Pilferer smoothed his false mustache and waved to the audience. The crowd cheered. He made a show of clutching the paid crystal tightly between his hands and concentrating. He let out a few *Grrrs* and *Arrrgs* to really sell it. Finally he pulled. A fine china teapot decorated with images of birds in flight manifested in front of him. The watchers went wild with whirring wonder. The Disguised Panama Pilferer sat back and tried to keep a smile from showing on his face. He gave a sideways glance at the young woman seated to his left in the number two seat. The girl picked up her crystal in her gloved hand. She hesitated. The Disguised Panama Pilferer did his best not to smirk at her obvious hesitation. She summoned. A glittering pearlescent tea set manifested before the Orchid Keeper. # ¡°This is amazing! Did you see that? What an ending.¡± Luke shouted over the roar of the crowd. ¡°It¡¯s all staged.¡± said Vance. ¡°Staged?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. Lady House always keeps a few extra ¡®participants¡¯ on hand in the back. They¡¯re supposed to either win big or whiff their pull to build up excitement for the event.¡± Luke frowned. ¡°Oh. Are you sure that it¡¯s not just an exciting game of luck?¡± Vance pointed at a set of giant novelty dice that were hanging above them. ¡°We¡¯re in a gambling hall. What makes you think that luck has any sway here? You don¡¯t get this rich relying on chance.¡± ¡°Aaarrrggghhh¡± Ash rolled around on the floor in an exaggerated fashion. ¡°Anyway. If you want any tips or tricks don¡¯t hesitate to ask me.¡± said Vance. ¡°Thank you for the offer. I don¡¯t think we¡¯ll be staying long enough to take advantage of it.¡± said Luke. ¡°I know all the dark dirty little secrets of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. If you good guys need someone with the guilt to grift their graft then gather me up.¡± Vance winked. ¡°If only our security was as smart at keeping your slimy smirk from showing in our showroom.¡± said a voice from behind them. Vance and Luke turned. A young man about the same age and height as Vance was facing them. He wore a four pocket waistcoat and a silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His dark twill chinos were pressed. The hem of his pants, shirt, and jacket were decorated with golden thread in a daffodil pattern. His deep auburn hair was cut loose and bouncy. His lips were slightly more blue than red. An achiote paint tattoo could be half seen on his right bicep. The Daffodil Scion looked past Vance at Luke. ¡°You should be careful around Vance. He has a habit of underestimating everyone but himself.¡± Vance leaned forward at the waist. ¡°Bede? Is that you? I hardly recognize you when you¡¯re not hiding behind your Aunt¡¯s petticoats.¡± ¡°Aaarrrggghhh¡± Ash flopped like a fish. Bede looked down at the groaning figure. ¡°Who¡¯s this Vance? Someone else that¡¯s been exposed to more than five seconds of your personality?¡± Vance sneered. ¡°Hardly. I think he¡¯s suffering because he spent more than five seconds eating your crappy buffet. ¡°By the way, your shrimp, it¡¯s frozen, not fresh.¡± Vance pulled a paper bag back out of his jacket. He tossed it at Bede. The bag hit Bede in the chest. Shrimp tails spilled out all over the floor. Bede frowned but didn¡¯t move. ¡°It¡¯s only natural that a bottom feeder like you would consume that much shrimp.¡± said another voice. Vance and Luke turned the other direction. A young woman about the same age and height as Vance was facing them. She wore a dark corseted dress with a wide frilled skirt. Her light auburn hair was tied up in the back but hung loose around her bangs and ears. The loves of her ears were colored slightly more blue than red. She had on silk stockings and thick platform shoes with large buckles in the shape of handbells. A golden earring in the shape of a bell dangled from one of her ears. A red paint tattoo could be seen on her left forearm. The Vesper Debutante looked down at Ash moaning on the floor. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°Really Vance, you might have no shame but our establishment has some standards.¡± she said. She snapped her fingers. Two fishtailed servers stepped up and helped lift Ash onto his limp feet. Vance made an exaggerated bow. ¡°Privati, there you are. Would you prefer that I turn back around and face away from you? I know how much you love stabbing people in the back.¡± ¡°What a mess that would make Vance. I¡¯m afraid that if I did stab you there would be more slime than human blood.¡± said Privati. Vance presented his neck to her. ¡°What¡¯s the matter? Not to your liking? Oh! I remember. You only drink the blood of kittens and puppies isn''t that right?¡± Privati checked her nails. ¡°How would you know? Your voice drives away animals in a one kilometer radius.¡± # Luke quietly took Ash by the shoulders and guided him away from the bickering trio. ¡°That was so strange. Every question led to another question.¡± said Luke. # ¡°I can walk. I can walk!¡± Ash shouted. Luke and Ash were slouched down in an aisle between two long rows of mechanical slot machines. The sound of spinning wheels and ringing chimes blared around them. Luke rubbed Ash¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Are you sure? You were pretty dazed back there.¡± asked Luke. ¡°Yeah. Sorry. That whole Banner Event thing. It was a lot to try to sift through my brain all at once.¡± ¡°I know what you mean. This place is more bizarre than anything I could imagine. I hope that we can find Ave soon and get out of here.¡± ¡°I agree with that. I don¡¯t care if I ever see this place again.¡± said Ash. ¡°Excuse me.¡± *Tap*Tap* A Blue Haired Lady holding a cane stood directly behind Ash. She was stuck behind them in the narrow aisle between the slot machines. She tapped her cane purposefully on the seafoam green carpeted floor. *Tap*Tap* ¡°Oh, sorry.¡± Ash scooted back. She shuffled forward. ¡°Excuse me.¡± She stood in front of Luke. ¡°Excuse me.¡± Luke replied. He stepped back. She shuffled forward again. ¡°Excuse me.¡± ¡°Uh, okay.¡± Luke and Ash hopped backwards again. The Blue Haired Lady followed after them. ¡°Excuse me.¡± she repeated. Luke and Ash took a step, then her, then them, then her again. She followed them, step for step, down the aisle. Eventually Ash grabbed Luke by the shoulder and pulled him out of the aisle and into the larger room of the gambling Hall. Ash stood at the edge of the aisle and gestured with both hands. ¡°All clear.¡± he said. The Blue Haired Lady walked out of the aisle, turned ninety degrees, and looked Ash right in the face. ¡°You¡¯re still in my way.¡± she said. ¡°How is that possible!?¡± ¡°This is the path I take to the token machine. You¡¯re in my way.¡± Ash waved his arms at the open floor around them. ¡°Then go a different way.¡± ¡°This is the way that I go to the token machine. You need to move aside so I can get to the machine.¡± ¡°Then go around me.¡± Ash insisted. She waggled her cane at him. ¡°I need more room!¡± ¡°There¡¯s plenty of room. You can go a different way.¡± Ash hopped half a meter to his right then back to his original spot for emphasis. ¡°This is the way I go. To the token machine. Kindly move out of the way.¡± The Blue Haired Lady measured her response. Luke slouched his shoulders. ¡°Ash, maybe you should-¡± ¡°No, no, no. It¡¯s the principle of it now.¡± Ash shouted back. ¡°But she¡¯s so old.¡± said Luke. ¡°Old ladies be damned. I¡¯m not moving.¡± ¡°Is there a problem here?¡± A voice devoid of nonsense emanated from behind Ash. Ash and Luke turned. An Inflexible Bouncer was standing behind them. She wore a midnight-blue suit with creases so sharp her shadows had beveled edges instead of curves. Her pink hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was exactly 125cm tall without her boots with wide hips and shoulders. There was a two headed battle-axe strapped to her back by a leather harness. The head of the axe rested right below the nape of her neck while the handle hung right above the line of her waist. The actual blades of the axe were isosceles triangles. Each one extending out from the top and bottom as a smooth line before meeting at a ninety degree angle at the tip. ¡°Is there a problem?¡± The Inflexible Bouncer repeated. The Blue Haired Lady looked at the Bouncer. ¡°No problem. These young men were just moving out of the way.¡± ¡°No problem.¡± said Luke. Luke looked at Ash. Ash refused to make eye contact. Ash pursed his lips. ¡°Actually! I was explaining the benefits of physical exercise for the elderly and how maybe she might like to change up her routine in order to experience something new. Isn¡¯t that right?¡± Ash leaned in close to the older woman. The Blue Haired Lady leaned in close to Ash. She *Tapped* her cane. Some powder drifted from her hair. Ash took a breath. ¡°Whoa! *Sneeze* That¡¯s a strong fragrance you¡¯re wearing. *Sneeze*¡± Ash *Ka-Chooed* into his elbow, looked down at the green carpet beneath him, sucked some mucus into his throat, then spit it out onto the floor in front of him. Everyone froze in place. Ash¡¯s eyes went wide. He looked down at what he had just done. Ash¡¯s head snapped up to look at the Bouncer. ¡°I uh¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I thought that was grass. I thought we were still outside.¡± The Inflexible Bouncer smiled. All of the other Servers and Dealers in the room got suspiciously quiet. Tourists looked over in curiosity. The Bouncer clapped her hands together. ¡°It¡¯s always nice to have such eager tourists here at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. We have so many activities that can help you burn off that excess energy.¡± she said. ¡°Right. Well, now that we¡¯ve done that. I suppose we should leave.¡± said Ash. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Luke agreed. ¡°We¡¯ll uh¡­ head on out then.¡± Luke and Ash turned away from the Bouncer. A heavy hand landed on each of their shoulders. Ash¡¯s knees shook. Luke visibly flinched. ¡°No, no. I can see that active young men like yourselves must be in a hurry. Why don¡¯t I show you a faster way out?¡± The Bouncer said. The Inflexible Bouncer turned the boys around and steered them to one side of the room. ¡°Chute¡± ¡°Chute¡± ¡°Chute¡± The crowd inside the Gambling Hall started chanting. Ash whispered. Luke whispered. The stern grip of the Bouncer guided Ash and Luke to an open hole that was built into the floor next to the wall of the room. A velvet rope was strung up between several stanchions around the rim of the hole. ¡°What is this? A disposal pit?¡± asked Ash. Luke pointed to the side. ¡°No. I don¡¯t think so. There¡¯s a sign that says no foot or drink in the hole.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. We dispose of a different kind of garbage in this hole.¡± The Inflexible Bouncer shoved. Ash and Luke tumbled over the edge of the hole and fell into the chute. The pink haired Bouncer shouted after them. ¡°Enjoy your trip. Feel free to drop by again. HA ha hah.¡± Everyone inside the room had a good *Chuckle*. Pull 42 A Server exited a door on one of the side walls of the game floor of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. After a few seconds Tasha slid the same door open and peeked her head around the corner. ¡°I think we¡¯re finally out of the access tunnels. But we seem to have come up under the Gambling Hall.¡± Ein¡¯s ears twitched. ¡°Do you hear someone chanting the word shoot?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t hear anything over all of this noise.¡± Tasha looked around at the game floor. ¡°Who was that huge man with the revealing muscles that had you so frightened?¡± Eins looked up at her. ¡°Look, we all have someone in this town that we¡¯re trying to avoid, okay? It¡¯s not important right now. Let¡¯s look for a way out of here.¡± she said. ¡°Hold on. Are those the people that Ash and Luke were running from?¡± Eins pointed across the room with a paw. Jack and Ted stomped up a spiral staircase into the high roller¡¯s section of the building. ¡°It does look like them.¡± said Tasha. ¡°Should we follow them? See what they¡¯re up to?¡± Eins asked. ¡°It¡¯s not really our business¡­¡± ¡°Look. There¡¯s an intimidating woman walking up to meet them.¡± Eins pointed again. Lady House ascended a staircase on the opposite end of the hall. ¡°Luck and lunacy. I don¡¯t normally break into someplace unless I¡¯m being paid to do it.¡± said Tasha. Eins wiggled in the front of her overalls. ¡°But, maybe just a little bit more sneaking?¡± ¡°Only a little.¡± # ¡°There you are Jack! Where have you been?¡± ¡°Sorry dad. I thought I saw someone in the crowd.¡± said Jack. ¡°So you decided to run off into the streets in some strange city? Hmmm?¡± Jack¡¯s father put his broad hands on his hips. Jack looked at the floor. The older man turned to Ted. ¡°And you Ted. You¡¯re supposed to be looking after Jack.¡± ¡°Yes sir. Sorry sir.¡± Ted also looked at the floor. Jack¡¯s father puffed out his chest. ¡°Listen to me Jack. You have responsibilities. Schedules have to be met. Appointments have to be honored! You¡¯re going to be Mayor some day.¡± ¡°If I¡¯m elected you mean.¡± Jack told the floor. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Don¡¯t be flippant with me boy. Elections in Star Town are a formality not a determination. You will be Mayor. Just like I am. It¡¯s about time you started preparing yourself for that responsibility.¡± The Mayor flipped out a watch. He gave the watch spring precisely three turns. He checked the time. ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this right now. I will expect to see you in your room at exactly nineteen hundred hours so that we may continue this conversation.¡± ¡°I got it dad.¡± mumbled Jack. ¡°What was that?¡± ¡°Yes sir. Understood sir.¡± said Jack. Jack and Ted turned around and walked away into the Gambling Hall. # Lady Winsome House ascended the stairs to the luxury suite. She brushed a single strand of hair back into place behind her ear. A sequined Server was immediately at her side with a drink in hand. She took the drink glass between her manicured nails, siped it once, and handed it back. She faced the older man who was waiting in the suite for her. ¡°Mayor Letterman. How nice to meet you.¡± Lady House flashed a smile. ¡°The pleasure is all mine Lady House.¡± the Mayor replied. Champ Letterman extended a firm hand to Lady House. Champ was tall and broad in equal measure. A streak of silver hair curved across his otherwise black hair like a crescent moon in the night sky. His mustache sparkled at the edges with the same silvery color. His face was naturally handsome and he had passed his square jawline down to his son. Only his nose was out of proportion, the upper cartilage forming an unusually symmetrical right angle with the rest of his face. Champ was wearing a suit made of high quality fabric. For some reason no matter which way his tailor cut it his jacket always looked small on his bulging chest. A ceremonial nutcracker in the shape of a soldier dangled around his neck as his mayoral symbol of office. A cedarwood cologne lingered on his neck and wrists. Lady House grasped the Mayor¡¯s hand firmly with her right hand and delicately with her left. ¡°Our two towns are so close. It truly is a shame that we don¡¯t have better relations. How are you enjoying the Ocean¡¯s Bounty?¡± she said. ¡°It¡¯s a marvel my Lady. Such a¡­ huge building. It is very impressive.¡± Champ said. ¡°You¡¯re too kind. I¡¯m glad you could make it. I look forward to working very closely with you in the future. Now if you will excuse me I have to leave immediately.¡± She dropped Mayor Letterman¡¯s hand suddenly and stalked past him to the railing at the edge of the suite. ¡°Uh, yes, good to meet you too?¡± Champ was left with his hand dangling in the air. # Lady House¡¯s lacquered fingernails seized hold of the railing like the claws of a bird of prey. Down below on the Gambling Hall floor she could see Vance and Privati standing on top of a table next to the buffet. The two of them were using fondue forks as fencing foils and were jabbing back and forth across the table at each other. Bede stood nearby picking shrimp tails out of his vest. Lady House put her thumb and forefinger up to her lips. *Fwwwweeeh* She blasted out a whistle so high pitched it was almost imperceptible over the ringing of the game floor. Bede¡¯s head spun around. He looked up at the luxury suite, made eye contact with her, and bit his bottom lip. Lady House pointed forcefully at the table. Bede shrugged. Lady House pointed again. Then she made a cutting motion across her neck with her hand. Bede looked back and forth between her and the other two that were sparring on the table. Lady House squared her shoulders. She would not point a third time. Bede slouched over. He went over to the table and started yelling at Vance. Vance turned to yell back at him. Vance¡¯s foot planted itself in a punch bowl. Bede and Privati started yelling at him in stereo. Vance retaliated by kicking punch at them with his wet foot. Privati grabbed ahold of his leg at the same moment that Bede lifted up on the tablecloth to try and shield himself. Vance tumbled ass over teakettle into the buffet table. He hit a cheese fountain. Lady House pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. # Tasha and Eins sunk down behind the potted plant they had been hiding behind. Pull 43 The line of Capital Guards marched into a tunnel leading under the massive hill at the center of Kaseihgaeu. They reached a large chamber that had been set up as a rally point for them while they were in the city. The Eyepatch Guard shouted over her shoulder at the rest of the column. ¡°Alright troops, break for now. Squad A you can head to the mess hall first. Squad B you hit the showers. Dismissed!¡± Each of the soldiers raised an arm and balled their fist, then pumped their fists in acknowledgment. ¡°Hup!¡± They hollered in unison. The Guards dispersed. Ave broke off from the rest and headed towards a different hallway. ¡°Hey you? Where are you going?¡± The Eyepatch guard shouted at her. Ave snapped to attention, her hands clasped behind her back. ¡°Sir. I am reporting to the Councilor.¡± Ave¡¯s reply was completely monotone. ¡°You?¡± The Eyepatch Guard asked. ¡°Yes sir?¡± ¡°On whose authority?¡± ¡°The Councilor¡¯s sir.¡± ¡°Since when?¡± ¡°Since the Councilor ordered it sir?¡± ¡°Are you part of my squad?¡± ¡°No sir.¡± ¡°Then who¡¯s squad are you part of?¡± ¡°The Councilor¡¯s sir.¡± ¡°On whose authority?¡± ¡°The Councilor¡¯s sir.¡± ¡°Since when?¡± The Eyepatch Guard was starting to get annoyed. ¡°Since the Councilor ordered it sir?¡± Ave¡¯s tone was even more monotonous than before. The Eyepatch Guard looked her up and down. ¡°You¡¯re not even in proper uniform.¡± she said. Ave made no response. She assumed the default stance, expression, and stare of a soldier at attention. Her eyes made contact with the brick wall behind them and nothing else. The Guard officer scowled at her. Ave waited. The Eyepatch Guard cleared her throat. ¡°Did you hear me?¡± This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. Ave continued to stare straight ahead. The Guard swallowed hard. She scratched the back of her neck. She was suddenly very itchy. Ave stood completely still. The only indication that she was alive was the ever so slight rise and fall of her chest. The Guard¡¯s eye began to glaze over with boredom. The sound of Ave¡¯s stillness created a deafening silence. ¡°Fine! Whatever. You can go on inside. Just get out of here!¡± The Eyepatch Guard threw her hands up in the air. Ave gave a textbook salute. ¡°Thank you sir.¡± # Ave hustled down the hallway. She peeked into each doorway she passed trying to get a layout of the area. ¡°Hey you. New girl.¡± Ave kept walking. ¡°Hey you. Stop. I said stop!¡± Ave skidded to a halt. She pointed a finger at herself. ¡°Me?¡± Two Petty Officers approached her. One with blonde hair, one with chestnut hair. The Blonde Petty Officer rolled a duffel bag off of her shoulder and tossed it at Ave¡¯s feet. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen you around here before. You must be new. And out of uniform too.¡± The Blonde Petty Officer pursed her lips and shook her head. She pointed at the duffel bag. ¡°Tell you what. I¡¯ll do you a favor. I won¡¯t tell our superior officer about this as long as you run those down to the laundry room for us.¡± Ave glanced at the duffel bag. ¡°You have to be joking.¡± ¡°Nope. And you better hurry. I hear that they¡¯re going to close for the day pretty soon.¡± The Blonde Petty Officer sneered. The The Chestnut Petty Officer *Giggled*. She tossed a pair of muddy boots she was holding at Ave¡¯s feet. ¡°And make sure you take these too. You should have them cleaned and shined by light¡¯s out.¡± The two Petty Officers *Laughed* with each other. They turned and started strolling away. Ave looked down at the pile in front of her. The pinky of her left hand twitched. ¡°Do it yourself.¡± she said. The Petty Officers stopped. They shot a look back at her. ¡°What was that?¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer said. ¡°I said do it yourself.¡± The Blonde Petty Officer stomped back over. She was the same height as Ave but did her best to look down her nose at her. ¡°Listen here newbie we were doing you a favor. If you don¡¯t want us to report this you¡¯ll shut your mouth and do as we say.¡± ¡°Non commissioned officers are responsible for the cleaning and maintenance of their individual kit while on patrol. This includes armor, weapons, clothing, boots, and eating utensils.¡± said Ave. The Chestnut Petty Officer blinked. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°This applies to all situations when the column may be bivouacked in foreign territory or temporarily stationed in a friendly city.¡± Ave continued. The Blond Petty Officer held up a hand. ¡°What are you going on about?¡± ¡°Any exceptions to this rule must be cleared with the column quartermaster either in person or in writing. And since I don¡¯t see any written forms with you¡­¡± Ave looked at the two Petty Officers. ¡°And since I assume that neither of you are the quartermaster, I say again, Do it yourself.¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer shoved a finger in Ave¡¯s face. ¡°Did you just talk back to your superiors? Do you have any idea who we are? We could have you court marshaled.¡± Ave raised a single eyebrow a single centimeter but otherwise didn¡¯t move. The Blonde Petty Officer grabbed her friend¡¯s shoulder. She whispered something in her ear. They both looked up over Ave¡¯s head. The two of them smiled. ¡°Last chance cherry. You can learn to follow orders or you can learn what the local jail smells like.¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer said. Ave¡¯s face was as smooth as a mirror. ¡°There¡¯s a difference between command and leadership. Maybe you two should learn a lesson.¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer sneered. ¡°Have it your way bitch.¡± There were footsteps coming down the hallway behind Ave. The two Petty Officers snapped to attention. They put their hands in front of their chest in salute. ¡°Commander!¡± They both shouted at the same time as they looked past Ave. Ave swallowed. She didn¡¯t turn around. A large hand landed on Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Ave. There you are my little chipmunk.¡± Pull 44 ¡°You call that a chute? That was nothing more than a fancy sewer!¡± Ash shouted. Ash crawled out of a drainage ditch. Luke helped him stand up. The two of them took a moment to wipe grease and oil out of their hair. ¡°I don¡¯t think people were obeying that sign. I think they threw food and drinks down that hole.¡± Luke pulled a canape out of his pocket. ¡°I should have eaten from that buffet while I had the chance. Maybe then I wouldn¡¯t be swimming in so many leftovers.¡± Ash said. After being dropped into the chute Ash and Luke had slid down a twisting tube filled with water and slime for several minutes. They had washed out in a drainage ditch at the base of the central hill in Kaseihgaeu. The ditch bubbled with rainwater, chicken bones, and grass clippings. After cleaning themselves off as best they could they walked over to a stone bench next to the ditch and sat down. Luke looked up at the sky. Ash looked down at his feet. Tourists and citizens wandered by on the street. ¡°You got kind of upset in there.¡± said Luke. ¡°Can you blame me? Today I learned that there is an entire industry based on betting on who can pull the best and worst items with their summons. If I had known about this sooner I could have come here and used my miserable luck to make a fortune.¡± Ash picked an orange peel off of his shoulder. ¡°Are you sure?¡± asked Luke. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°It¡¯s only that, I really can¡¯t see you down there in the arena. Waving and clapping. Making a big show for the audience day after day.¡± Ash looked up at the sky. Even in the daylight the arc lamps of the massive gambling hall on top of the hill could be seen shooting into the sky. In the far distance the sound of ringing bells and spinning slots could be heard over the street traffic. ¡°Crap. You¡¯re right. I would hate that more than life itself. Going into that arena more than once would be a nightmare. I suppose it¡¯s a good thing that we¡¯re only passing through.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°I thought so. It¡¯s a good thing we got out when we did. That place is the worst.¡± Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°Oh yes. The absolute worst.¡± Ash nodded. ¡°Although, the architecture was very impressive.¡± said Luke. ¡°I imagine it costs a lot to maintain such a massive building.¡± said Ash. ¡°I did like the lights.¡± ¡°The music was better than average.¡± ¡°And the way the bells rang out like a heavenly choir when someone won big.¡± Ash let out a long *Whistle*. He slapped his knee. ¡°It was amazing. I admit it. You convinced me.¡± ¡°I know. I lived in a literal castle, and I¡¯m still impressed.¡± said Luke. ¡°But it was still the worst.¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°Oh yes. A wonder of the world, but still one of the worst places I¡¯ve ever been.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°I couldn¡¯t agree more.¡± said Vance. Ash and Luke looked back at the drainage ditch. Vance slid out of the exit of the chute. He was reclining on top of a canvas folding boat. ¡°Where the moons did you get a boat?¡± asked Ash. ¡°You think this is the first time I¡¯ve been thrown out of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty?¡± replied Vance. He stood up and climbed out of the drainage ditch. He dusted off his pants. ¡°I was thrown down the nice chute. I don¡¯t mind it actually. Saves me the trouble of having to walk all the way back down the hill at the end of the day.¡± ¡°What¡¯s your game?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Pardon me?¡± said Vance. ¡°You are openly disdainful of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. You don¡¯t seem to like any of the people there. So why visit the place at all?¡± ¡°Like it or not the Ocean¡¯s Bounty is the center of culture in our fair city. Therefore it would be a crime against society if I denied them my enlightened presence.¡± ¡°Come on. You came out the same sewer chute we did.¡± said Ash. Vance slicked back his hair. ¡°Fine. You want the truth? The Ocean¡¯s bounty is the largest Gambling Hall in the Four Kingdoms. Everything about it is a game. Every brick, every tile, every person, every shrimp (He waggled a shrimp tail) is tied up in one massive game that¡¯s being run over this entire city. No! This entire Kingdom. Well I¡¯m done being a part of their game. I¡¯m playing for k-¡± *Ker-blooop* A bulbous oily trash bubble burst in the drainage ditch filling the air with the smell of methane and human misery. ¡°-huuurrrgh!¡± Vance retched into the ditch. ¡°Oh no! The smell! Ah, it¡¯s everywhere.¡± Ash tried to desperately cover his nose. ¡°Pinch your nose. Breath through your teeth.¡± Luke pulled his shirt up over his face. ¡°Ah. Ahhh! It¡¯s burning my eyes.¡± Ash cried out. Vance wiped his mouth. He stumbled a few steps into the street and started picking his way up the street between avoiding tourists. ¡°You two remember what I said. Don¡¯t *Burp* play games, at the, Ocean¡¯s Bounty. No game. No Life. Hhuuu¡­¡± grumbled Vance. Luke and Ash fled away from the drainage ditch in the opposite direction. Pull 45 (sic) ¡°Ave! There you are.¡± Two long athletic arms draped themselves over Ave¡¯s shoulders. Ave *Grunted* with annoyance. A young woman a head and a half taller than Ave pulled her in close and embraced her from behind. ¡°Where have you been my little hummingbird?¡± The taller woman rested her cheek on the top of Ave¡¯s head. ¡°I was¡­ busy.¡± Ave sighed. ¡°I¡¯ve been looking everywhere for you.¡± ¡°Really Platina? You were looking?¡± ¡°Well, I sent other people to look for you.¡± Platina rolled her eyes. ¡°You know how that goes Platina.¡± ¡°That¡¯s true. Still, it¡¯s so good to see you.¡± Platina kissed the top of Ave¡¯s head. ¡°Did you decide to take a vacation or something?¡± ¡°Something like that.¡± ¡°How surprising. I¡¯ve never known you to go on vacation. I¡¯ve never known you to take a day off. I¡¯ve never known you to do anything of your own volition at all.¡± ¡°If it¡¯s any consolation it¡¯s not going very well.¡± Ave mumbled. Platina released her embrace and held the smaller woman at arm¡¯s length. ¡°What are you doing here? I thought you were stationed in the Capital?¡± Platina was tall and athletic. Her shirt sleeves were rolled up to expose her toned arms. Instead of pants she wore a (Non-Regulation) pleated skirt with gym shorts and a pair of (Non-Regulation) open-toed sandals that laced all the way up to her calves. Her clothing was spotlessly clean. Even in the darkness of the hallway her breastplate and badge glittered in the light. Platina¡¯s ears didn¡¯t have curves. They were flat along the edges with 111 degree angles that gave the illusion of roundness at a distance. There were small pinch marks just next to the bridge of her nose. Platina finally noticed the Petty Officers. ¡°Who are these two? Are they yours?¡± She grinned. ¡°Have you finally decided to take your Capten¡¯s (sic) exam.¡± She suddenly hugged Ave again. ¡°Oh I¡¯m so happy. We¡¯ll finally be senior officers at the same time. We¡¯ll climb the ranks together. No one will be able to stop us.¡± Platina¡¯s grin exposed her canines. Ave shoved the taller woman away. ¡°No they¡¯re not mine. I don¡¯t know them. I was only passing through while I was¡­ scouting the area.¡± ¡°For the Councilor?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Ave spoke crisply. ¡°Commander!¡± The Blonde Petty Officer barked. ¡°That soldier is defying regulations.¡± ¡°Hmmm?¡± Platina glanced over at them. The Chestnut Petty Officer shook her head and tried to discreetly get her friend¡¯s attention. ¡°She¡¯s out of uniform.¡± said the Blonde Petty Officer. She half hid a smirk. ¡°I believe that warrants being disciplined by a superior officer.¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer tried to fade into the background. ¡°You¡¯re right of course. Rules and regulations are the blood and bones of the army. And I do so love enforcing discipline.¡± Platina¡¯s teeth snapped down on the final word. The Blonde Petty Officer beamed. ¡°That¡¯s right Commander. You should deal with this matter immediately.¡± Platina looked back at Ave. ¡°Hmmm. She¡¯s correct. This is a problem. We can¡¯t have you walking around the barracks looking like that. We need to fix this, immediately.¡± Platina turned back to the two Petty Officers. ¡°You two. I¡¯m going to need your boots, and your pants.¡± # The two Petty Officers rushed down the hallway wearing only their short clothes. One held a pile of dirty laundry. The other had a set of leftover boots in her arms. Platina called after them. ¡°You two had better hurry. I think the laundry is closing soon.¡± She smiled. Ave pulled the (Regulation) boot onto her foot. She stomped her heel a few times. ¡°A loose fit, but comfortable enough.¡± she said. Platina crossed her arms and put her chin in her hand. ¡°I¡¯m so jealous Ave. Everything fits you.¡± ¡°Thanks for your help Platina.¡± said Ave. ¡°Don¡¯t mention it. Although it is odd¡­¡± Platina tapped a finger on her bicep. ¡°Normally people don¡¯t pay any attention to you no matter what you¡¯re wearing.¡± Ave paused for half a second, then finished lacing up her boots. Platina threw an arm around Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Anyway, come on! I want to show you all the cool new toys I brought along for this mission.¡± # ¡°This here is an armored carriage.¡± said Platina. Platina and Ave strolled through an underground depot. The huge domed roof was braced with steel beams. Guards in their breastplates and uniforms along with Porters wearing sequined pants were unloading a line of wagons in the center of the depot. Large metal shutters could be used to divide the depot area into smaller sections. Platina stopped next to a vehicle shaped object that was covered with iron plates. ¡°This baby can deflect so many projectiles.¡± She slapped a hand down on the metal exterior. *Clang* ¡°Arrows, bolts, darts, really big rocks, everything just bounces off these armored plates. It¡¯s completely invulnerable.¡± ¡°What are those things on the bottom?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Treads. Normal wagon wheels can¡¯t take the weight. Not even metal reinforced ones. So one of the Capital Lock-jocks came up with this idea. It spreads the weight out over these little bitty plates so that the wheels don¡¯t sink into the dirt.¡± ¡°Clever.¡± Platina *Groaned* ¡°Yeah. But the whole thing¡¯s as heavy as a constipated cow pat. Can¡¯t power it with a regular gas engine. It has to use a steam engine and those things take forever to warm up. I really want to drive it but right now it¡¯s assigned to logistics.¡± *Blegh* The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. Platina straightened up. ¡°Speaking of logistics.¡± She slammed her fist down on the side of the carriage. *Clang* A Dour Auxiliary slid out from between the spoked wheels of the armored battle wagon. He was shaped like a puzzle piece. The dark bags under his eyes were the same color as the oil that stained his uniform. ¡°You clanged commander?¡± He said to Platina. ¡°Nevre why are the carriages parked this way? They¡¯re an absolute mess. They¡¯re covered with dirt and grease.¡± Platina tapped a sandal impatiently. ¡°We haven¡¯t had time to put them away. The troops are still trying to bivouac.¡± Nevre replied. ¡°What about those carriages over there?¡± Platina pointed. ¡°Look at them. All lined up in a nice neat row. Spotlessly clean and well maintained. You had time for that didn¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Those aren''t ours.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°They belong to the private security of the Gambling Hall. We¡¯re sharing the motor pool with them. All of these dirty ones are ours.¡± ¡°Private security.¡± Platina shook her fist. ¡°I¡¯ll get everything cleaned up commander.¡± The Dour Auxiliary gave a quick salute and scuttled back under the chassis. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. We Capital Guards have more toys then they could dream of. Check this out.¡± Platina quickly swung her arm to the side. She pointed at a nearby platform. A metal cylinder the size of a wine barrel was propped up on three triangular legs. Two handles were mounted on one end of the cylinder. The other end had a cross shaped hole in it. Platina jumped up on the platform next to the cylinder. She grabbed the handles. ¡°Pretty great huh?¡± Ave tilted her head. ¡°It¡¯s a¡­ uh?¡± ¡°You¡¯re confused. I know. This should help you.¡± Platina reached over the side of the platform. She grabbed what looked like an oversized metal spear with a cross shaped shaft. With a quick shove she jammed the harpoon into the slot in the end of the cylinder. ¡°Nice huh?¡± Platina flexed the handles of the harpoon launcher. ¡°They use these things for hunting leviathans out on the ocean. Can you imagine what kind of damage this thing could do?¡± Platina swung the harpoon launcher left and right. *Pew*Pew*Pew Pew Pew* Ave watched her placidly. ¡°What are you going to do with it?¡± ¡°I dunno. Use it to scare birds or something. I¡¯ll think of something. It¡¯s too heavy to mount on anything besides a boat. It takes forever to load and aim. Virtually useless in actual combat.¡± Platina hopped down off the platform. ¡°Where did you even get all of this stuff?¡± ¡°I just asked the Quartermasters for it and they gave it to me.¡± ¡°That¡¯s it?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. It¡¯s half the reason why I took this mission. When you tell the Actuaries that you¡¯re escorting a Councilor they piss themselves, drop their pants, and empty their pockets. Not always in that order. You can get whatever you want. I requisitioned some of this stuff just to see what I could get away with.¡± Platina threw an arm around Ave¡¯s shoulder. ¡°And you know, if you became a Capten (sic) you could have this kind of power too.¡± She poked Ave in the cheek with her finger. ¡°Knock it off. I¡¯m not interested in that kind of responsibility.¡± ¡°And you took the position of Councilor adjutant because you hate politics. Sure, sure, sure. Your lips say no, but your impatient blood says yes.¡± Ave scanned the room. ¡°Speaking of the Councilor, where is he staying while he¡¯s-¡± She spotted the Councilor on the other side of the room. He was getting into an elevator. Platina whispered in her ear. ¡°Platina. Platina! I¡¯ve got to go.¡± Ave struggled in the taller woman¡¯s grasp. ¡°Fine. Go on then.¡± She let go. Ave sprinted across the room to the elevator. ¡°I¡¯ll catch you later Ave.¡± Platina *Whistled* to herself and walked back towards the barracks. # Ave ran across the depot at a steady pace. When she was three meters from the elevator she halted, shifted gears, and adopted a more measured march of mediocre momentum. Councilor A stepped into the elevator. There were two large muscular men waiting inside and holding the gates open for him. Each of them wore an identical blue black suit with golden seashell cufflinks. Metal batons peeked out from under the edge of their jackets. Without breaking stride Ave stepped into the elevator next to the Councilor. She didn¡¯t make eye contact with anyone. She kept her back straight. Her breathing was calm. Only the faintest hint of sweat coated her forehead. She assumed a casual parade rest stance. The Councilor looked at his watch. *Sniff* He was holding a metal case in his other hand. *Lip Smack* He stretched his arm. ¡°Well?¡± He asked the nearest Bouncer. ¡°What are you waiting for? Let¡¯s go already.¡± The Bouncer¡¯s mouth opened. ¡°...¡± he said. He shook his head and minded his own business. The two Bouncers shut the elevator¡¯s gate. One of them lowered a switch on the wall. The elevator began to rise. *Ding* *Ding* *Ding* A bell sounded as they rose higher into the shaft. Ave watched the walls of the shaft pass by as they ascended. They passed by several other floors in the structure. *Ding* The elevator stopped and the Bouncer raised the lever with a satisfying *Click*. The two Bouncers opened the gates. The elevator was stopped on the side of a marble floored ballroom. Carved columns and golden fountains decorated the edges of the room. A diamond encrusted chandelier hung on a chain from the ceiling. The floor of the ballroom was filled with long banquet tables piled high with food. Dozens of dazzlingly beautiful Servers with plunging necklines and low cut pants waited in the wings with serving trays. ¡°There you are. Welcome Councilor, to the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± Lady House was seated on a divan in the center of the room. She was wearing a stunningly white evening dress embroidered with sapphires. As she reclined on the divan she stroked an enormous grey cat the size of a trashcan lid. ¡°Mistress House. It is so good to see you again.¡± said Councilor A. ¡°Please, you may call me your Ladyship.¡± ¡°And you can call me Mr Dumbwaiter, after I was elevated to meet you.¡± The Councilor smiled. ¡°Ah ha ha.¡± Lady House politely laughed. Councilor A *Chuckled* to himself. He stepped out of the elevator. Ave stepped out behind him and kept pace. Lady House moved to stand up. She let out a small grunt, then looked down at the cat on her lap. She discreetly tried to move it, then grunted again. *Ahem* She coughed. The cat lazily opened one eyelid. Lady House made stern eye contact with it. The cat let out a low purr, then rolled like a bundle of sackcloth to an empty space on the divan. Lady house stood up. She walked over to Councilor A and shook his hand. ¡°Councilor, I¡¯m so glad that you could attend our event.¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m glad to be here. Your banner events are one of the most profitable attractions in the entire Kingdom.¡± said the Councilor. ¡°That¡¯s wonderful to hear. Did you have any questions?¡± ¡°Only one.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°Do you think it would be possible to apply these types of limited time events to the entire kingdom?¡± Councilor A raised an eyebrow. Lady House touched one of her pinky fingers to her chin. ¡°To the entire kingdom? It¡¯s possible. But you must realize that scarcity is part of the appeal.¡± ¡°Scarcity?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. Making our contests limited time events heightens the excitement that they produce. In a world where anyone can have anything at any time, you have to make your players believe that the things they¡¯re getting are scarce. Rare. Special.¡± ¡°Is that right? Don¡¯t worry about that. I don¡¯t want to say too much but I think¡­¡± *Whisper* *Wink* ¡°I see. Why don¡¯t we discuss this more over dinner.¡± Lady House waved at the banquet tables. Then her head rotated smoothly until she was staring directly at Ave. ¡°And will your attendant be joining us?¡± Ave curled her hands into fists, but remained standing still. ¡°Huh?¡± Councilor A turned around. His eyes slowly focused on Ave. ¡°Oh uh, no, I don¡¯t think she needs to be here. Here, take this.¡± He shoved the case he was holding into her arms. ¡°Make sure that this gets put in the Gambling Hall¡¯s safe deposit.¡± Councilor A turned back around. The rest of the room went back to ignoring Ave¡¯s presence. Ave bowed at the waist. She clutched the case in one hand and slowly backed out of the chamber. Of everyone in the entire room only two sets of eyes saw her leave. Pull 46 Tasha scooted her way around a laundry cart. ¡°Are you sure you know where you¡¯re going?¡± Eins asked. ¡°I¡¯m usually pretty good with directions. If we keep going this way we should make our way back out into the main lobby.¡± said Tasha. Tasha came to a branching path in the service corridor. She peeked around the corner. A Bouncer was standing at the far end of the hallway. ¡°Okay. Maybe not this way.¡± Tasha turned and walked in a different direction. She peeked down another hallway. There was another Bouncer at the end of that one too. ¡°Security tightened up recently.¡± Tasha said to herself. ¡°Does that man with the panama hat really want to rob this place?¡± Eins asked. ¡°He wants to try.¡± ¡°That seems like a bad idea.¡± Tasha reached a cross corridor. There were Bouncers at both ends. ¡°We should just walk out. We haven¡¯t done anything wrong. They have no reason to stop us.¡± Eins said. ¡°Not yet.¡± Tasha frowned. *Ding*Ding* An elevator opened at the far end of the corridor. Two Bouncers opened the doors of the elevator. Light spilled into the hallway from the elevator¡¯s arc lamps. Eins whispered. said Tasha. A heavy hand landed on Tasha¡¯s shoulder. Tasha looked behind her to see a short, broad shouldered woman with pink hair. She was wearing the same dark suit as the other Bouncers. Despite the woman¡¯s smaller size Tasha could feel her shoulder sagging down under impressive weight. ¡°This is for you.¡± The pink haired woman held out an envelope. ¡°It¡¯s an invitation.¡± She scowled. ¡°Thank you?¡± Tasha took the envelope. The Inflexible Bouncer *Grunted* and shoved. Tasha ducked and rolled down the hallway under the sudden force. She slammed into the elevator. The two Bouncers shut the elevator gates and hit a lever on the wall. The elevator started to climb. The Inflexible Bouncer stomped away in the other direction. ¡°Now I¡¯m delivering letters. Today has been nothing but trouble.¡± # The elevator stopped with a *Ding*. The elevator shutters clattered open. Tasha stepped out of the car into a splendid ballroom. *Whistle* ¡°That is some layout. It looks like we missed the party.¡± Tasha said. Eins peeked out of her clothes. ¡°Look at all of those banquet tables. Look at all that food! See if they have any cheese.¡± Eins¡¯ tail flicked back and forth. ¡°Is this what the invitation was for?¡± Tasha said to herself. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! Eins hopped out of Tasha¡¯s pocket and landed on the nearest banquet table. ¡°Who cares. Let¡¯s eat.¡± Tasha turned the letter over in her hands. Using a fingernail she tore it open along one side and removed a folded piece of paper from inside. She unfolded the paper and started to read it. ¡°What does it say?¡± Eins asked from inside of a punch bowl. ¡°Nothing?¡± Tasha replied. ¡°You can¡¯t read it?¡± ¡°No. There¡¯s nothing on it. It¡¯s blank. Except for an ink stain.¡± Tasha turned the note over. There was an ink stain in the shape of an animal¡¯s paw on the page. ¡°Keeebleeehbleheee!¡± Eins spit out his punch. Forks and spoons tumbled off of the table as Eins leapt back over to Tasha and burrowed into her overalls pocket. ¡°Let¡¯s go. Right now.¡± ¡°But what about the invitation? The food?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not hungry.¡± Eins barked. ¡°What does this mark mean Eins?¡± ¡°We all have someone in this city we don¡¯t want to meet.¡± ¡°Einnns¡­¡± A voice echoed through the ballroom. Eins and Tasha froze. *Clatter*Clatter* *Pitter*Patter* An enormous cat, as wide as a trashcan lid, stalked across one of the banquet tables at the far end of the room. The cat¡¯s steps made no noise. But the feline¡¯s bulk pushed glasses and plates to the edge of the table where they fell onto the ground. *Gulp* An entire roast ham disappeared into the cat¡¯s mouth before Tasha could blink. ¡°What are you doing here Eins?¡± purred the cat. ¡°Ah, Zestal, nothing, nothing at all, only passing through.¡± ¡°Is that right? A coward like you? In the largest tourist attraction in the entire Kingdom? I don¡¯t believe it.¡± Zestal purred. *Munch* An entire platter of sweet yams was gobbled up in an instant. The cat kept moving, circling towards them. ¡°You, uh, you¡¯re looking well Zestal. Very, healthy.¡± Eins said. ¡°I¡¯ve been enjoying my time here Eins. Savoring the good life. The rewards that were promised to us.¡± The cat¡¯s delicate pink tongue daintily licked at a saucer of cream. ¡°Well it was nice catching up. Thank you for the invitation. We should be going now.¡± Eins nudged Tasha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t lie to me Eins! Something is going on.¡± *Crunch* A smoked salmon was swallowed whole. ¡°I saw that accursed Llama in the city earlier. And now you¡¯re here, in my own Gambling Hall? It is too much of a coincidence.¡± ¡°Llama? What? I haven¡¯t heard anything like that?¡± Eins said. ¡°DON¡¯T LIE TO ME!¡± The cat leapt off of the table. It soared four meters through the air and landed on a table closer to Tasha and Eins. A platter of steamed carrots was crushed under its weight. ¡°You¡¯re plotting something aren¡¯t you! You and your little human.¡± Zestal growled. The cat stalked towards them. Goblets and crystal carafes were shoved aside. *Clatter* *Shatter* Sweat ran down the back of Tasha¡¯s neck. ¡°No, no, no. Nothing like that. It¡¯s all a coincidence. I promise you.¡± Eins yelped. Eins dropped to the ground. The dog quivered but held its place in front of Tasha. Zestal reached the end of the table and faced them. The cat¡¯s claws gouged long lines in the hardwood. Now that Tasha was facing the cat head on she could get a good look at the feline¡¯s mouth. It was much too wide, much too deep, and had much too many teeth. Zestal suddenly stopped. The cat¡¯s face parted with a cheshire grin. ¡°Meowh, meowh, meowh.¡± Zestal laughed. ¡°Did you think I was angry at you Eins?¡± Eins steadied itself on its paws. ¡°Hah, uh, maybe?¡± Zestal reached out with a paw. It extended a slender claw, stabbed a glazed pear sitting on the table, and slowly raised the fruit to its mouth. *Crunch* ¡°The truth is I¡¯ve grown bored lately. My human provides me with everything I could ever want or need. They are very attentive.¡± ¡°That¡¯s nice.¡± said Eins. ¡°But it is also terribly dull.¡± Zestal sucked the last of the pear¡¯s glaze off of its claw. ¡°I want a challenge. So what do you say? Let¡¯s make a bet.¡± ¡°A bet?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. This is a Gambling Hall. A palace of fortune. I know you¡¯re up to something. You and that Llama. It is perfectly natural to make a wager, don''t you think?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I never liked games of chance.¡± Eins pawed at the floor. The cat¡¯s eyes flashed, green as envy. ¡°Come on Eins. Let¡¯s make a bet. Who¡¯s human can trick the other. What do you say?¡± ¡°What if I say no?¡± ¡°THEN I¡¯LL EAT YOUR LITTLE HUMAN!¡± Zestal growled. Eins winced. ¡°What do we get if we win?¡± Tasha interjected. Zestal grinned. Too wide. Too deep. Too many teeth. ¡°That¡¯s the spirit! Hmmmrowww. Let¡¯s see. How about anything? Anything you want?¡± Meanwhile 2 Tusks ¡°House! What was that? You¡¯re having me lose to farm girls now.¡± The Panama Pilferer shouted at the taller woman. Lady House slowly turned. She and two Servers were standing backstage from the arena. The two servers moved to stand in front of the angry man that was walking towards them. Lady House waved them away. She smiled. ¡°You know the rules Meeker. The judges have the final say on the value of summoned goods. Besides, losing to a ¡®farmgirl¡¯ is good publicity. It makes people think that anyone can win. It encourages participation.¡± ¡°It was humiliating.¡± said Meeker. ¡°The more people that play the game the more opportunity there is for talented individuals like yourself. Don¡¯t you agree?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t give me that crap. I pay good money for your information. And I can¡¯t very well continue to pay if I keep losing to small town randoms.¡± Meeker paced back and forth in front of Lady House. She watched him circle without moving her head. ¡°Then let me soothe your ego and your purse. Angel, make sure that our loyal patron receives a second pick from the collected goods today. I have more important business to take care of.¡± A woman with a black suit and battle axe stepped out of the shadows. Meeker flinched at her sudden appearance. ¡°As you wish.¡± Angel said. Lady House turned. ¡°I¡¯m busy too, you know.¡± Meeker grumbled. Lady House walked away without even pretending that she was listening. # Meeker slammed the door to his apartment. ¡°I¡¯m back.¡± he said. He started stripping out of his disguise. He hung his panama hat up on the coat rack next to the door. *Tip*Tap* ¡°Welcome back.¡± A razorback boar the size of a couch tiptoed into the front room of the apartment. The floorboards sagged with each step taken. The boar delicately maneuvered around several tables and chairs, each one had a tea set stacked on top of it. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. \\¡Þ,Q,> ¡°How did it go?¡± The Boar asked. ¡°Sandbagged again! I was this close.¡± Meeker held up his fingers. ¡°Then some blasted farm girl with a corncob pipe and wooden shoes pulls the fanciest tea set I¡¯ve ever seen out of thin air!¡± *Tip*Tap* The boar winced. ¡°I¡¯m sorry that it didn¡¯t go well.¡± Meeker frowned. ¡°No, no. I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to yell. Come here.¡± He spoke in a hushed voice. The boar pranced over. Meeker started gently stroking the coarse fur on its back. ¡°Oh my sweet Pente. This town isn¡¯t big enough for the two of us. I¡¯ve known it ever since I rescued you from that Dungeon. It was destiny. You and I are meant for bigger things. What do I alway say?¡± ¡°Just one more job and then you¡¯re out for good?¡± ¡°No, after that.¡± ¡°Ummm, that our ship is about to come in?¡± ¡°No, not that either.¡± ¡°That the other members of the Haberdashers don¡¯t have your vision?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. That¡¯s it darling. They don¡¯t have my vision. But guess what?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Now they do.¡± Meeker smiled. He crouched down so his face was level with the giant boar¡¯s snout. Pente tilted its giant head to the side. ¡°Golly Meeker, I don¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got a plan. A big plan. And I¡¯ve gathered together every Hatter within five districts to pull it off. This is it. The big one. The scheme to end all schemes. And you want to know the best part?¡± ¡°Gosh Meeker, what is it?¡± Pente¡¯s eyes sparkled with excitement. ¡°That haughty hag House will never see it coming. Ha ha ha. Can you imagine it? The look on her face when we make off with the prize pool for her entire tournament!¡± ¡°I know you can do it Meeker. You¡¯re so smart.¡± said Pente with complete and utter sincerity. ¡°I know darling. Who always takes care of you?¡± ¡°You do.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. And besides, today wasn¡¯t a total loss. I did get these.¡± Meeker held up two cardboard packages. Tea sets rattled inside. ¡°What are they?¡± ¡°Two of the better pulls from the banner event. House would have let me walk away with my own summon, but I managed to trick her into giving me another one. Double the prize. Not bad eh?¡± said Meeker. ¡°That¡¯s great Meeker. Only¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°The house is getting awfully full.¡± Pente and Meeker looked around at the apartment. Every table, cupboard, shelf, and bookcase was covered with tea cups. Pull 47 *Ker-crackle* Ash concentrated and summoned. A mismatched pile of pants appeared next to him. Ash picked through the pile. He tugged a random pair onto his legs. Luke leaned against a wall and watched tourists walking past in the street. ¡°I hope Tasha and Eins are okay.¡± ¡°They¡¯re fine.¡± Ash summoned a pile of shirts. ¡°I¡¯m sure that they¡¯re back with Tasha¡¯s carriage relaxing and drinking coconut water.¡± Ash pulled the shower curtain over his head and tossed it in a corner. ¡°You¡¯re not going to leave that are you?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°It belongs to Tasha.¡± ¡°So.¡± ¡°So she let you borrow it.¡± ¡°Yeah and then my clothes got shredded by Shadowbeasts.¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t her fault.¡± Luke walked over and picked up the shower curtain. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t be so careless with other people¡¯s things.¡± ¡°She probably won¡¯t even notice that it¡¯s missing.¡± said Ash. ¡°Well what if she does?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Fine. Let¡¯s just get back to the front gate.¡± *Sniff* ¡°Ugh. Is that us?¡± Luke brushed his bangs aside. ¡°It¡¯s been a long day. Also we did fall down that chute.¡± ¡°We were pushed.¡± ¡°And who¡¯s fault is that?¡± Ash frowned. He picked a few bugs out of his hair. ¡°Let¡¯s find someplace to wash off at least.¡± # ¡°What about that place?¡± asked Luke. ¡°I don¡¯t know. It looks really popular.¡± said Ash. Ash and Luke stood in the middle of the street in front of a restaurant. The building was three stories tall with balconies, extensive outdoor seating, and decorated with colorful miniature arc-lamps strung up on wires. A line of tourists was wrapped around the block leading to the entrance. The waiters were dressed in long flowing tunics tied with gold braids. Some of them had plastic stars pinned to their hair and clothes. Others wore paper mache caricatures of suns or moons on top of their heads. ¡°The Galaxy Lip.¡± Luke looked at the sign hanging in front of the building. ¡°Sounds fancy.¡± ¡°Looks busy.¡± Ash eyed the line of tourists. ¡°Let¡¯s try that place instead.¡± Ash pointed at a single story building across the street. It had a flat roof and wooden shutters over the windows. A wooden sign without writing on it was hung out front. The door at the entrance was slightly ajar. ¡°What is it?¡± Luke asked. ¡° I don¡¯t know. A morgue maybe? They should at least have a washbasin we can use.¡± said Ash. *Sniff*Sniff* ¡°Maybe some formaldehyde.¡± # *Knock*Knock* Ash rapped on the door with his knuckles. ¡°Come in.¡± Ash opened the door. He and Luke stepped inside. The interior of the building was lit by a number of candles. Several tables were pushed up against the wall of the main room with chairs stacked on top of them. A small swinging wooden door led to a kitchen. ¡°Are you here for the job?¡± A large barrel shaped man was sitting at a table in front of the door. As they watched his large calloused hands rolled a bundle of silverware into a white napkin. The man had heavy eyelids, round cheeks, and an easy smile. His movements were slow, careful, and precise. The large man put away the silverware. ¡°Forgive me for not getting up. We¡¯re still preparing for the dinner rush. Is it only one of you interested in the job or both of you?¡± Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other. ¡°What, uh, job was that?¡± Ash asked. ¡°The one that we posted down at the Adventurer¡¯s Guild.¡± The man replied. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Right. Right. Right. The¡­¡± Ash tilted forward expectantly with his whole body. ¡°Assistant Chef job.¡± The man finished. ¡°Assistant Chef. Of course.¡± Ash nodded. ¡°How much does it pay? Luke asked. ¡°Well right now we are offering-¡± ¡°Is someone here for tha job!?¡± A voice shouted from the kitchen. ¡°I¡¯m asking them right now!¡± The large man shouted back. ¡°You are here for the job aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Sure. How much does it pay? Asked Luke. ¡°What do ya mean them!?¡± The other voice shouted again. A skinny man pushed his way past the swinging door. Skinny was the wrong word, gaunt-ish, almost skeletal. His body was mostly ligaments, flexible and snappy. Even his long, tied back hair would yank itself over his shoulder as he turned his head. The thin man adjusted his apron and pushed back his sleeves. There was a long scar on the top of his right forearm that mirrored itself on the bottom of the same arm. Another scar tugged at the very corner of his mouth. It made even his neutral expression look harsh. Smaller layerings of scars crossed his fingers and the backs of his hands. ¡°Who are these two? Are you here for tha job?¡± He pointed a long knife at Ash and Luke. ¡°I was just asking them that.¡± The larger man said. ¡°Job? Yes or no. I¡¯m a busy Chef. Stop wasting my time.¡± The thinner man yelled. ¡°How much does it-¡± Luke started to ask. ¡°You¡¯re interested! Great. Now take tha test.¡± The thinner man *Stabbed* the knife into the table. He pulled a walnut out of his apron pocket and dropped it on the table. He produced a cleaver from somewhere, flipped it, and *Cracked* the shell of the walnut with the flat edge of the cleaver. As the two halves of the walnut launched into the air he raised the cleaver and caught them on the flat of the blade. He held the cleaver out in front of Ash and Luke. ¡°Go on. Taste. Let me see what ya got. Give me tha flavor profile.¡± He said. Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other. They looked at the nuts. ¡°Sure. I¡¯m hungry.¡± Ash grabbed a walnut. ¡°And I¡¯m excited to see where this goes.¡± Luke took the other walnut. The two boys ate the kernels and started to *Chew*. The cleaver wielding man crossed his arms. ¡°Well?¡± He asked. Luke nodded. ¡°Very fresh, and crunchy, rich with a slight earthy aftertaste, maybe oak?¡± ¡°And you?¡± Ash swallowed. ¡°Nutty?¡± He shrugged. Luke put a hand on Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You will have to forgive him. He eats a lot of charcoal.¡± Ash shrugged again. ¡°Yeah.¡± The thinner man pointed his cleaver at Luke. ¡°You. Why did ya spout off all that fancy crap?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry?¡± Luke blinked. He pointed at Ash. ¡°He¡¯s got tha right of it. It¡¯s a nut. Only a nut. The only flavor is nut. What was all that other crap? Is this a joke to you? Are you trying to trick me? Are you a spy!?¡± Luke put his hands up. ¡°I would never.¡± Ash put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°He would never.¡± They both stared indignantly at the other man. ¡°This is no way to talk to ya potential boss!¡± The thinner man shouted. ¡°And this is no way to talk to our potential employees.¡± The larger man chided. ¡°You think you¡¯re too good to work here!?¡± The thinner man kept yelling. ¡°No.¡± Luke shook his head in confusion. ¡°Then why don¡¯t you want the job?¡± ¡°Well maybe I don¡¯t!¡± Luke crossed his arms. ¡°Alright. Final test!¡± The thinner man pulled two knives out from his apron and tossed them onto the table. *Clatter* ¡°Here. Fight each other for the position.¡± ¡°Oooh. A knife.¡± Luke casually picked one of the knives up. ¡°Alright let¡¯s get this over with.¡± Ash said. He turned to Luke and put his hands on his hips. ¡°You mean you actually want to fight for the job?¡± Luke looked shocked. ¡°Haha no.¡± Ash held his arms out. ¡°I would rather get stabbed than work for this snake sucker. But let¡¯s get this over with so that I can finally use the restroom.¡± ¡°Enough. You¡¯re hired.¡± The thinner man slapped the knife out of Luke¡¯s hand. ¡°Really?¡± said Ash. ¡°No, not really.¡± He pointed at Luke, then Ash. ¡°He¡¯s hired. You can eat pavement.¡± Ash thrust his chin out. ¡°Maybe I will. Judging by how few customers you have I bet it tastes better than your food.¡± The thinner man slapped the knife back into Luke¡¯s hand. ¡°Sous Chef. Stab him!¡± Luke cradled the knife. ¡°I would never.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. He would never.¡± Ash added. ¡°Come on Cophin. You don¡¯t want to scare away our first employee.¡± The larger man said to the thinner man. Cophin pulled at the strings of his apron. ¡°I¡¯ve made my choice. I can tell. Dis one learns. Dis one¡¯s got ideas.¡± He looked between Luke and Ash. The larger man held out a hand to Luke. ¡°Chef Cophin has an assertive personality. But we do need the help if you¡¯re interested.¡± Luke shook his hand. ¡°I¡¯m Luke and I am interested. And you are?¡± ¡°You can call me Plinth. I¡¯m the sommelier. You know, we still need a server.¡± He looked back at Cophin. ¡°Perhaps we have an additional opening?¡± He held his hand out to Ash. Ash grimaced. ¡°I¡¯m Ash and I would still rather be stabbed.¡± Cophin smirked. ¡°He¡¯s right. With his behavior he would make a betta pincushion than a waiter.¡± Ash slapped the table. ¡°That¡¯s it! I¡¯ll take the job.¡± Ash and Luke looked sideways at each other. Luke whispered. Ash replied. Luke shrugged his shoulders. ¡°It looks like we¡¯re hired. What is the pay?¡± Plinth gave a sheepish smile. ¡°We can offer you room and board.¡± ¡°So we would have to be desperate to work here huh?¡± Ash pulled his collar. ¡°I have good news for you.¡± Luke leaned over the table. Plinth shook both of their hands. ¡°Fantastic. We¡¯re so glad to have you join us. Now let¡¯s find someplace for you to wash up. You smell like you¡¯ve been in a culvert.¡± Plinth led the two of them back to the kitchen. ¡°So tell me Ash, have you ever worked in customer service before?¡± *Ash stopped laughing after approximately two minutes thirteen seconds.* Pull 48 There was a small courtyard out behind the kitchen. Ash picked through a pile of shoes on the ground. Nearby a coop full of chickens watched him with avian interest. *Cluck*Cluck* ¡°How did I summon an entire batch of only left shoes?¡± Ash kicked one of the offending footpieces. Luke raised his head out of a washbasin and ran a towel over his hair. ¡°The chickens seem to like them.¡± Luke said. Two chickens were fighting over the laces of a boot. Cophin wandered out of the back of the kitchen. ¡°Good. Yer getting cleaned up.¡± He pointed at the pile of shoes. ¡°Did you summon all of those?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Ash said. ¡°Why are they all crap?¡± Ash feigned tears. ¡°I¡¯m trying my best.¡± Cophin threw an apron at Luke. ¡°Here. Put this on.¡± Luke threw the apron around his neck. ¡°Good. Good. A Sous Chef must look tha part.¡± Cophin nodded. ¡°This is great. I¡¯m so excited. I get to be an apprentice again.¡± said Luke. Cophin helped adjust Luke¡¯s apron string. ¡°Again?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. I was briefly an Alchemist¡¯s apprentice.¡± ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°There was an explosion, and a goose, and then I started vomiting. Those things are actually related. I¡¯m giving you the highlights. But I did force my master to leave for the Capital. I wasn¡¯t technically fired so I guess now I¡¯m a double apprentice.¡± Cophin grumbled. ¡°Apprentice nothing! Yer my Sous Chef. You are here to work not to learn. Now grab this knife and follow me.¡± He thrust a knife into Luke¡¯s hands. ¡°Oh boy. A knife!¡± Luke followed Cophin into the kitchen. Plinth strolled into the courtyard past Cophin. ¡°Go easy on the boy Cophin. We don¡¯t want our first employee in so long to get stabbed on his first day.¡± Plinth winked at Ash. ¡°I¡¯m kidding of course. He¡¯s really very sweet when you get to know him.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t believe that.¡± Ash snorted. Ash held a loafer up to his heel. ¡°Trust me. I¡¯ve been with Cophin for a long time and, Oh no! That chicken isn¡¯t breathing. Grab it quick!¡± Plinth pointed. *Clugggk* One of the chickens was trying to swallow a shoelace. *Clllugk* The bird squawked in a panic. It ran across the yard. The shoe bounced along behind it. ¡°What do I do!?¡± Ash yelled. ¡°Get the lace out of its mouth!¡± Plinth widened his stance and tried to corral the chicken. Ash lunged for the bird. The chicken spun on one scrawny leg, whipping the shoe around its head like a tetherball. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. ¡°Ah! My shin!¡± yelled Ash. The panicked bird spun in place. The shoe spun around its head like a yoyo. Ash¡¯s legs took a beating from the flying footwear. With a desperate lunge Ash grabbed the shoe in midair and yanked. The chicken was launched into the air. With a final *Cluuugkkk* the shoelace was dislodged from its throat. The chicken landed on the other side of the courtyard in a burst of feathers. The bird stood up, ruffled its feathers once, and then went back to pecking at the pile of shoes. ¡°Good job.¡± Plinth patted Ash on the back. ¡°No problem.¡± Ash threw the danger shoe over his shoulder. ¡°I think Cophin might have an old pair of boots that you can wear.¡± Plinth went inside and started rummaging through a storage closet. ¡°Plinth! Don¡¯t you give him any of ma shoes!¡± Cophin shouted from the kitchen. Plinth walked back into the courtyard. He held out a pair of boots to Ash. ¡°These should just about fit you. Cophin is taller than you are but he wears a narrow boot. These are his spares that he never wears. Go ahead and try them on.¡± Ash but on the boots. He stamped his feet a few times to get his heel in. ¡°How do they fit?¡± Plinth asked. ¡°Good. A little roomy but they fit.¡± ¡°That¡¯s wonderful. Good shoes are very important in our profession. Always take care of your feet. Now let me get you some socks to go with those.¡± Ash made eye contact with Cophin through the kitchen window. ¡°Thanks so much Plinth. These boots are great. I¡¯ll make sure to take good care of them.¡± Cophin grumbled and sharpened a carving knife against a whetstone. # Plinth walked Ash and Luke around the dining room. ¡°And that¡¯s the basics of our dining room. Now let¡¯s get you two some food before we open for the evening.¡± ¡°Order up.¡± Cophin shouted from the kitchen window. He placed two plates of leafy greens and diced vegetables on the window sill. Ash and Luke collected the plates. Cophin leaned back and crossed his arms. ¡°Enjoy.¡± Luke and Ash took some tentative bites. Luke stirred the plate with his fork. ¡°What is it?¡± he asked politely. ¡°It¡¯s a chop salad.¡± Cophin said. ¡°Are you sure? I don¡¯t see any bacon. Or eggs. No cro?tons or vinaigrette. More of a vegetable tray than a salad.¡± Ash choked down a laugh. ¡°And I suppose tha my new Sous Chef is some kinda expert on salads?¡± ¡°Not at all. But I have eaten a fair number. When I was in the Castle- *Cough* Uh, when I was in the Cat-style-house, that I lived in, not in the Capital, we had all kinds of food prepared by exotic chefs.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± asked Cophin. ¡°We had lemon butter salmon, or baked quail with steamed lotus hearts, or shakshuka with roasted garlic. There really was no lack of variety.¡± Luke put on a dreamy smile. Cophin *Slammed* his hand down so hard the cast iron on the stove rattled. ¡°Worthless! How can ya really appreciate what you¡¯ve eaten if it¡¯s prepared with every flavor under tha sun. Food should be raw. It should be visceral. The only seasoning should be tha tangy salt of the chef¡¯s own tears. A salad should be so fresh that ya can taste the dirt on the leaves!¡± ¡°It is very fresh.¡± Luke gave a winning smile. ¡°I bet the chickens eat better than this.¡± Ash snarked. ¡°What was that?¡± Cophin snapped. ¡°I said it¡¯s delicious. I¡¯m actually quite used to eating raw vegetables. Beets, carrots, potatoes. Anything you can get in bulk really.¡± said Ash. ¡°Are ya mocking me?¡± ¡°Would that bother you?¡± ¡°Save some of that friendly energy for our customers.¡± Plinth said from the dining room. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I have an inexhaustible supply.¡± said Ash. He turned to Plinth. ¡°By the way, I¡¯ve been meaning to ask. Where is the rest of my uniform?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± asked Plinth. ¡°My uniform. All you gave me was this button up shirt and these dress pants. Shouldn¡¯t there be more to it?¡± said Ash. ¡°Right. Also what is the theme of your restaurant?¡± said Luke. Plinth gave a wan smile. ¡°There is no uniform.¡± ¡°Huh? But how are people going to know I¡¯m a waiter?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Because you¡¯re going to be waiting on them.¡± said Plinth. ¡°But I thought this was a restaurant?¡± ¡°It is.¡± ¡°Then what¡¯s the theme?¡± Cophin interrupted. ¡°There isn¡¯t one. It¡¯s an un-themed restaurant.¡± ¡°A what?¡± asked Ash. Luke looked around. ¡°A restaurant without decorations or uniforms. I kinda like it.¡± ¡°Sure. It¡¯s, novel.¡± Ash shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m very happy to hear that.¡± Plinth said. ¡°Now if you¡¯re done eating why don¡¯t you open the door so we can start serving people?¡± ¡°On my way.¡± Pull 49 Ash opened the front door. Vance shoved past him and ran into the dining room. Ash blinked. ¡°Who? What?¡± Vance moved over to a table along the front wall and sat down. He leaned across the table and half opened the wooden shutter so that he could peek out at the restaurant across the street. Ash walked over to the table. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± Vance didn¡¯t look up. ¡°Ah yes, ignore me. I¡¯ll be gone in a little while.¡± Vance had changed his clothes. He was now wearing a dark green blazer, riding boots, and several deep purple scarves. Ash looked over at Plinth for advice. Plinth mimed pouring a glass of water. ¡°Can I, get you something to drink?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Why would you do that?¡± Vance looked up briefly. ¡°Because this is a restaurant.¡± ¡°It is?¡± Vance glanced at the dining room. ¡°I thought it was a furniture store.¡± ¡°Why would you come in here if you thought this was a furniture store?¡± Vance waved for Ash to come closer. Ash leaned down next to the table. Vance whispered. asked Ash Vance pointed across the street at the Galaxy Lip restaurant. said Vance. Ash squinted his eyes. Bede and Privati were seated at a table out in front of the restaurant. The Orchid Keeper was seated across from them. ¡°Those are the people that you were arguing with at the Gambling Hall right?¡± said Ash. ¡°That¡¯s right. How did you know that?¡± asked Vance. ¡°I was there. I saw you. We met earlier today.¡± Vance looked Ash up and down. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Of course I¡¯m sure. We got thrown out of the chute at the same time.¡± Vance inspected his nails. ¡°Doesn¡¯t feel familiar.¡± He went back to looking out the window at the restaurant across the street. ¡°Hey waiter!¡± Cophin yelled from the kitchen. ¡°What?¡± Ash yelled back. ¡°Are you taking his order?¡± ¡°Yes!¡± ¡°Then tell me what he wants!¡± Cophin shouted. ¡°One of everything!¡± Ash shouted back. Ash dropped a paper menu on the table. Vance picked it up and used it to hide his face so he could continue spying on the restaurant across the street. # ¡°Ash?¡± Ash turned around. Tasha was standing in the doorway. ¡°What are you doing here?¡± she asked. ¡°I¡¯m working.¡± Ash said. ¡°You work at a hardware supply store?¡± ¡°What? No. This is a restaurant.¡± ¡°Really? Why aren¡¯t you wearing a uniform?¡± ¡°I am, or I¡¯m not, it¡¯s not that kind of restaurant.¡± Ash waved at Tasha. ¡°Look why don¡¯t you come inside and sit down. We can talk later.¡± Tasha sat down at one of the tables in the dining room. She pulled Eins out of her clothes and seated the dog next to her. ¡°Eins why are you wearing that bow?¡± asked Ash. ¡°I¡¯m a mascot.¡± Eins replied. Plinth walked over to the table. ¡°Who is this Ash?¡± ¡°Plinth, this is Tasha. We met her on the road to the city. She gave us a ride. And this is Eins. He¡¯s our, dog?¡± ¡°Bark.¡± Eins said. Plinth was all smiles. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you Tasha. That¡¯s a lovely cloche you¡¯re wearing.¡± Tasha yanked the hat off of her head. ¡°Huh? This? I was meeting- I was walking. Walking around the city. It¡¯s important to protect your skin from the sun.¡± ¡°I agree. Can I get you anything to drink? We have a lovely pinot grigio.¡± said Plinth. ¡°That sounds nice.¡± Tasha said. ¡°And may I suggest a charcuterie board to pair with your wine?¡± Eins scampered up on the table. ¡°Oooh, Aaah, barkbarkbarkbarkbark!¡± ¡°Sure. One of those as well.¡± Tasha said. ¡°Ash, if you would put the order in to the kitchen.¡± said Plinth. ¡°Right away.¡± said Ash. ¡°I¡¯ll be right back.¡± Tasha leaned over to Eins. ¡°What¡¯s a shar-two-de? I spend a lot of time on the road. What did I order?¡± Eins put a reassuring paw on her arm. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. It¡¯s lovely. You won¡¯t regret this.¡± Tasha waved at Ash. ¡°By the way Ash, do you still have my portable shower curtain?¡± # ¡°Hello?¡± Ave stood in the doorway of the dining room. She had a loose jacket over her shoulders and a briefcase in her hands. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Ave! You found us.¡± Luke walked over and set a basket of bread on Vance¡¯s table. ¡°How did you find us?¡± ¡°Where¡¯s the butter?¡± asked Vance. ¡°No butter. Sorry.¡± Luke replied. Ave shifted on her feet. ¡°To be honest I wasn¡¯t actually trying to find you. I was looking for a place to change my clothes and I thought this building was abandoned.¡± ¡°Well come on in and grab a seat next to Tasha.¡± Luke said. Ave looked around the dining room, then she walked in and sat down next to Tasha. # ¡°And that¡¯s why a heavy attack deck will lose to a mill strategy every time. Removal will always be stronger than direct damage. If your opponent can¡¯t put pressure on your life points then you don¡¯t need to worry about defense.¡± ¡°Uh huh.¡± Bede tried to hold his eyes open. He shifted in his seat and tried to keep the blood flowing in his legs. The Orchid Keeper droned on. ¡°Now of course counter spelling is the traditional meta for removal. But I¡¯ve always found that deck removal is the more effective strategy. After all, if your opponent counters your counter spell then where are you?¡± ¡°Where are you indeed.¡± Bede glanced across the table at his cousin. ¡°What do you think about that Privati?¡± Privati pretended not to hear him. She continued filing her nails. Bede *Coughed* to try and get her attention. An attempt to pull her into the conversation. She refused. The Orchid Keeper continued. ¡°Now I typically run a mill lifesteal combo that¡¯s pretty good but I will occasionally dip into board wipe if my opponent is running a turtle strategy. I¡¯ve also been known to splash boomerang attacks if I can spare the cards-¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t we order!¡± Bede interrupted. He raised his menu dramatically and tried to flag down a server. ¡°Oh right. Sorry. Once I get started talking about Card Bark I never want to stop.¡± The Orchid Keeper looked down at her own menu. ¡°You don¡¯t say.¡± Bede tried not to let her see him rolling his eyes. ¡°Do they have chicken fingers?¡± The Orchid Keeper scrolled down the menu with her finger. Bede blinked a few times in astoundment. ¡°We¡¯re in the fanciest restaurant in the Kingdom. And you want to know if they have chicken fingers?¡± ¡°And tater tots.¡± The Orchid Keeper didn¡¯t look up. ¡°And tater tots¡­¡± Bede tried to keep the shrill out of his voice. # ¡°Look at them.¡± Vance craned his neck at the edge of the window. ¡°Absolutely miserable. Bede always was terrible at small talk. And Privati hates it when she has to appear in front of crowds. They might be the two worst event liaisons in the entire world.¡± He didn¡¯t even try to hide his enjoyment. ¡°That girl. She was in the summoning event we saw earlier wasn¡¯t she?¡± Luke peeked across the street at the Orchid Keeper. ¡°That¡¯s right. It¡¯s part of their program. The winner of the Banner Event gets treated to a special meal with Lady House¡¯s most mincing minions. That means Bede and Privati.¡± Vance gnawed on the end of a loaf of bread. ¡°They take them out to eat. Get them drunk, distracted, then it¡¯s back to the Gambling Hall to claim their winnings.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound so bad.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what makes it so insidious. The winner goes to claim their prize, never knowing that it''s actually replaced by a skilled forger in the time between.¡± said Vance. ¡°Why would they bother replacing the item with a forgery?¡± Ash wandered up to the table. Vance snapped the bread loaf in half. ¡°It¡¯s all about power. They keep all the truly interesting or unique items for themselves.¡± ¡°You know a whole lot about these people you dislike. Are you stalking them?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No, no, it¡¯s not stalking. It¡¯s observation. Like birdwatching. Only instead of birds it¡¯s more like money sucking lampreys.¡± ¡°What¡¯s a lamprey?¡± Ash asked. ¡°It¡¯s a parasitic fish that attaches itself to a larger ocean predator to feed off of its blood. At least, that¡¯s what I read.¡± said Luke. ¡°Parasitic is a good word for them.¡± Vance crumbled some bread in his hand. ¡°But I¡¯ve got the cure. I¡¯ve got a plan. I¡¯ll show them and their whole Gambling Hall, no, the entire city who¡¯s licking who¡¯s bootheel.¡± Ash and Luke looked at each other. # Ave walked over and sat down at the table with Tasha. She set the briefcase on the table and scratched Eins behind the ears. ¡°Here is your water.¡± Ash put down some water glasses on their table. ¡°And here is your charcuterie.¡± Plinth set down a cheese plate right behind him. Eins leapt up onto the table. The diminutive dog attacked the collected selection of choice cheeses with a harrowing hunger. The humans gathered around the table shielded their eyes from the carnage. One of Eins¡¯ tiny legs kicked the water glasses over. Ave¡¯s arm snapped out and caught the glasses just before they toppled over on the table. She righted the drinks and moved the briefcase from the table to the floor. Tasha hauled the flailing Eins into her lap and tried to wipe the crumbs off of the dog¡¯s mouth. ¡°What do you feed that dog?¡± asked Plinth. ¡°What do we feed him?¡± Tasha wondered. Ash waved Plinth away. ¡°He mostly eats people-food. It¡¯s fine. He¡¯s tougher than he looks. He¡¯s got a stomach like a rock.¡± ¡°So what¡¯s in the briefcase?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ I¡¯m holding it for someone.¡± Ave looked around. ¡°Are Ash and Luke working here?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Plinth nodded. ¡°How much are they getting paid?¡± Plinth smoothed his apron. ¡°They¡¯re working for board. There are a lot of events coming up in the city during the next week. We thought it might be prudent to hire some helpers for a few days.¡± ¡°A place to stay in the city for a few days.¡± Ave tapped her fingers together. ¡°Do you have any additional openings?¡± ¡°Heh heh.¡± Plinth chuckled. Ave held his gaze. ¡°Uh, I¡¯ll have to check.¡± # *Knock*Knock* ¡°Is this a restaurant?¡± asked a woman at the door. Ash tripped in surprise. ¡°Uh yes, it is.¡± ¡°Then I think I¡¯m in the right place.¡± The woman at the door was slightly taller than Ash. She wore a long leather riding jacket with boots, gloves, and skirt to match. Her venetian blonde hair curled around her ears and chin. She held a traveling case in one hand. Most notably she wore a backpack harness that wrapped around her shoulders and chest. There was a travel pack attached to the rear of the harness. On the front side, right next to her left shoulder, there was a longsword. The scabbard of the sword was attached so that it hung parallel to her body. The crossguard was pointed forward and back, with the metal plate hovering a centimeter over her left shoulder. The grip and pommel extended up into the edge of her peripheral vision. The woman didn¡¯t seem to notice the sword or mind its weight. The woman gave a small polite curtsey. ¡°I¡¯m Rosy. It¡¯s nice to meet you. I¡¯m in the middle of a career change. I¡¯m here about the job.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll let the manager know that you¡¯re here. Why don¡¯t you take a seat over there.¡± Ash pointed at the table where Vance was sitting. # Cophin watched Luke slice a tomato in the kitchen. ¡°Good. Nice even slices. Keep ya fingers curled parallel to tha blade so that you¡¯re not cutting directly into ya own hand.¡± he said. ¡°Like this?¡± Luke demonstrated. ¡°That¡¯s right. Ya actually pretty good at this. Ya sure you never had any training before?¡± Cophin started plating a variety of dishes. His movements were quick and precise. He skewered ingredients with his knives and pulled them to his cutting board like the claws of a praying mantis. Luke concentrated on his task. ¡°I never trained in a professional kitchen before. But I am experienced at obeying commands and performing repetitive tasks with very little explanation. Being your assistant is very similar.¡± Plinth rolled over and leaned an elbow on the kitchen window. ¡°How¡¯s it going in here.¡± ¡°Not bad. Tha boy might make a decent Sous Chef yet.¡± Cophin nodded. ¡°That¡¯s nice to hear.¡± Plinth drummed his fingers on the window sill. ¡°Do we have any, additional openings?¡± Ash jogged up. ¡°You guys talking about the job? Cause there¡¯s a woman that just walked in the door that wants an interview.¡± Luke wiped his hands on his apron. ¡°Actually I wanted to say something. Tasha¡¯s carriage is in the repair shop if you had an extra space for her for a few days she, er, we would really appreciate it.¡± Cophin¡¯s cutting board stopped its chop-chopping. ¡°Are ya kidding me Plinth!? We started this morning as a two man operation. Now ya telling me ya want to bump it up to-¡± Cophin counted on his fingers. ¡°To seven in under an hour!¡± Plinth shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. Cophin pressed against his temples with his fingers. ¡°We only posted a job for one person!¡± ¡°I know. That¡¯s what I¡¯m here for.¡± Rosy called from the dining room. ¡°Next ya be telling me that the dog wants a job as well!¡± ¡°Do you have one for him?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Is anyone that walked in ta this supposed restaurant actually here ta order food!?¡± Cophin yelled. ¡°I told you one of everything!¡± Ash shouted back. Pull 50 ¡°You don¡¯t mind closing up early?¡± asked Plinth. ¡°I¡¯m afraid if we stay open any longer we¡¯re going ta turn into an orphanage.¡± Cophin dropped a pot into the kitchen sink. ¡°Let¡¯s just finish up this order for our last and only customer so we can close the dining room.¡± ¡°He¡¯s already gone.¡± Ash leaned around the corner. ¡°He yelled something about revenge and ran out the door. He did leave a purse of coins on the table.¡± Ash handed a *Jingling* pouch to Plinth. ¡°There¡¯s that at least. You take them to tha rooms. I¡¯ll try to figure out some kind of work rotation.¡± said Cophin. # Plinth led the group of Ave, Tasha, Rosy, Ash, and Luke into the courtyard out back behind the kitchen. Tasha carried Eins in her arms. ¡°Why are those chickens eating a pile of shoes?¡± asked Rosy. ¡°They need the fiber.¡± Ash remarked. Rosy turned to Plinth. ¡°Since I¡¯m going to be staying here for a few days I should warn you that I have some unusual dietary restrictions. I can¡¯t eat a lot of fats or grease. I need a lot of fiber so if you have any fresh fruit or vegetables that would be fantastic.¡± Plinth put on a little smile. ¡°We may be able to accommodate you.¡± Plinth opened a door off of the courtyard. He squeezed his way down a short hallway. ¡°We weren¡¯t expecting so many applicants so we only had the one room prepared. There¡¯s a second storage room we can clear out and use. I¡¯m thinking we divide it up between boys and girls. You don¡¯t mind sleeping on the floor do you Ash and Luke?¡± Ash and Luke looked at each other. ¡°No-bed buddies again?¡± Luke raised a hand. ¡°You got it.¡± Ash gave Luke a high five. *High Five* Plinth opened the door to a small single occupant sized bedroom. ¡°This is where you girls will be staying. Why don¡¯t you ladies go and get settled in.¡± Rosy crouched down and entered the room. Ash stepped up and pulled Eins out of Tasha¡¯s arms. ¡°Eins can sleep with us. You know, so that he doesn¡¯t bark too much.¡± Ash tilted his head at Rosy. Tasha nodded her head. ¡°Right. He can be a little noisy sometimes.¡± She handed the dog over. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Eins pouted. Tasha and Ave stepped into the bedroom behind Rosy. Plinth folded his hands. ¡°Now there¡¯s only one bed and one nightstand, but I should warn you. The bathroom has a leek in it.¡± ¡°Oh? Well we can figure something out. I¡¯m used to traveling around and dealing with unusual spaces.¡± Tasha rubbed her shoulders. Ave opened the door to the bathroom. ¡°It¡¯s fine. I¡¯m sure we can work around it-¡± Ave stopped talking. She stared into the room. Tasha and Rosy peeked around the corner into the bathroom behind her. There was a single stalk of leek with long green leaves delicately resting on the rim of the washbasin in the bathroom. Plinth hid a chuckle behind his hand from the doorway. Tasha rolled her eyes. Rosy gave a polite ¡°Ah ha.¡± Ave stepped up, picked up the leek, and tossed it out into the courtyard for the chickens. Plinth suppressed his laughter. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯ll leave you all to get unpacked.¡± Plinth rolled to the back out and continued down to the end of the hallway. ¡°And this is where you two will be staying.¡± He opened the door to a storage room. There were crates of produce and grain piled up in the corners. ¡°Ah, just like home.¡± Ash said. ¡°Ahem.¡± There was a sudden cough. ¡°Oh yes. Ash, Luke, this is Mistress Starling. She¡¯s the owner of the building and our landlady.¡± Plinth proceeded to squeeze himself against the wall so that a small woman could shuffle around from behind him. Mistress Starling was a shrunken old woman maybe a meter tall. She was exceptionally elderly with a hunched posture and visible veins on her hands and arms. Her plain cotton dress was tied off with measuring tape. Her silver-blue hair was pulled back in a bun and a pair of long sewing shears was jabbed through like a hair pin. Every now and then a loose silver strand of hair would catch the light and sparkle. While she did have a pair of glasses tucked in a pocket her eyes were sharp and hauntingly blue. Piercing irises like cerulean pools that seemed to look through you rather than at you. She frowned as saw Ash and Luke. Ash and Luke frowned in return. ¡°You¡­¡± Ash growled. ¡°Do you, know our landlady too?¡± Plinth guessed. Ash put a hand on his hips. ¡°We sure do. She got us kicked out of the Gambling Hall today.¡± Mistress Starling adjusted her hair bun. ¡°I did no such thing. It looked to me that you two got yourselves kicked out.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t move!¡± ¡°Neither would you.¡± ¡°You could have gone around!¡± Ash yelled. Mistress Starling ignored Ash. ¡°Are you sure about this Plinth? I don¡¯t know if I want to rent out a room to deadbeats.¡± ¡°Well you don¡¯t have to worry about that because we¡¯re not getting a room. We¡¯re getting a storage closet.¡± said Ash. ¡°Your dog has bugs on him. You better not be bringing bugs into my building.¡± Mistress Starling narrowed her gaze onto Eins. ¡°What!? How dare you. That is preposterous. Hold on. Luke help me examine the dog.¡± Ash lifted Eins up into the air. Ash and Luke grabbed Eins. They took turns probing the dog¡¯s furry body with their fingers. Eins wiggled in their grasp. Finally Luke held up a dust ball sized brown speck. He brought his eyeball as close to the fuzz ball as he could. ¡°Hoho. Nothing to be worried about. This is only a common psychodidae.¡± Luke smiled. Plinth and Mistress Starling had blank expressions on their faces. ¡°It¡¯s a moth fly. A drain fly? A common house pest that lives in sewers. It¡¯s harmless to humans.¡± Luke assured them. ¡°Hmmm. Make sure your dog is clean.¡± Mistress Starling said. ¡°Yes man. Right away mam.¡± Luke said. The old lady shuffled down the hallway and disappeared. Pull 51 ¡°Once again I¡¯m Rosy and it¡¯s nice to meet you two.¡± Said Rosy to her two roommates. ¡°Ave.¡± ¡°Tasha.¡± The three of them grasped hands. ¡°Do either of you want to take the bed?¡± Rosy asked. ¡°No it¡¯s fine.¡± Said Ave. Tasha shrugged. ¡°Okay.¡± Rosy didn¡¯t wait any further and threw her travel bag onto the bed. ¡°That¡¯s me unpacked. Did either of you want to put your things away?¡± Tasha looked down at her bag. ¡°This is only my travel cosmetics case. It can go anywhere. All of my clothes are in my carriage at the repair shop. Which is probably closed by now.¡± ¡°How about you?¡± Rosy looked at Ave. ¡°Oh no. I don¡¯t have any luggage. It¡¯s also in Tasha¡¯s carriage.¡± said Ave. ¡°What about that?¡± Rosy pointed at the briefcase in Ave¡¯s hand. Ave held the briefcase in front of her. ¡°This is¡­ nothing.¡± Ave kept her face neutral. Tasha blinked. Rosy blinked. Ave refused to blink. ¡°Okay.¡± Rosy stated casually. ¡°And what about you Rosy? Did you want to take off your weapon?¡± Tasha gestured at the blade strapped to Rosy¡¯s chest. Rosy gave them a bright smile. ¡°Oh no. I don¡¯t take it off. This isn¡¯t a weapon.¡± She patted the scabbard. Tasha blinked. Ave blinked. Rosy refused to blink. ¡°Okay.¡± Tasha tried to say casually. *Splish*Splash* The sound of soap spray and sopping suds sounded from the center of the courtyard. ¡°That sounds like Luke and Ash. I need to go check on them.¡± said Ave. ¡°I¡¯ll come too.¡± said Tasha. ¡°We¡¯ll be back in a little bit Rosy.¡± ¡°Okay. Don¡¯t take too long. We¡¯ve got a big day at our new job tomorrow. You girls will need your sleep.¡± Rosy smiled and pulled the sheets off of the bed. # ¡°Come on Eins. Stop squirming around so much.¡± Ash said. There was a washbasin sitting in the middle of the courtyard. Ash and Luke were taking turns trying to scrub Eins clean. Soap bubbled over the edges. ¡°Ahh! I can¡¯t help it. The bubbles are going up my nose!¡± Eins thrashed about in the tub. ¡°Eins did you fall in a sewer today?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I fell in a fountain and then, and then nothing else.¡± Eins barked. ¡°Either way. Let¡¯s get you cleaned up.¡± Ash scrubbed harder. Ave and Tasha walked into the courtyard. ¡°Are the two of you torturing Eins out here?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Torturing him? Hardly. After half a week on the road we¡¯re pampering him.¡± Ash lifted a dripping wet Eins out of the washbasin. ¡°Want to jump in and help?¡± Eins thrashed around in mid air and shook dry. Tasha and Ave jumped back to avoid the water. ¡°Maybe later.¡± Ave said. ¡°Look at you two.¡± Tasha pulled a speck out of Luke¡¯s hair. Eins is getting dirt and bugs all over you. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Actually that might be a moth fly I picked up on my own.¡± Luke said. ¡°Some stuff happened after we left.¡± Ave put her boot up on the edge of the chicken coop and rested her elbow on her knee. ¡°Alright. It¡¯s been a long day. Let¡¯s check back in. Did everyone get settled in after I left?¡± *Cluck* *Cluck* *Cluck*Cluck* ¡°Why am I only getting blank stares?¡± Ave asked. ¡°A lot of things happened after you left.¡± Ash said. ¡°We saw some old friends in town. We met our new landlady. And then we got kicked out of a Gambling Hall.¡± said Luke. ¡°We dropped out of the Gambling Hall.¡± objected Ash. ¡°Let¡¯s say that we took the fastest way out that didn¡¯t involve any doors.¡± said Luke. Tasha used a towel to dry Eins off. ¡°Well now my story doesn¡¯t feel so out of place. Eins and I saw a Llama and then we fell in a fountain.¡± ¡°What¡¯s so special about this Llama?¡± asked Ash. ¡°It was a real, Llama type of Llama. You would know it if you saw it. I¡¯m not saying I want to see it again. It was¡­ upsetting.¡± said Tasha. ¡°How about you Ave? Any magical animals or violent confrontations to report?¡± asked Ash. Ave clicked her heels together. ¡°Nope. Everything went entirety as planned. I even managed to acquire this.¡± She held up the briefcase. ¡°What is it?¡± asked Luke. He handed a towel to Ash and started drying off from the dog bath. Ave held up a hand. ¡°Before we go any further I need to warn Tasha. We¡¯re going to be talking about that Demon Lord situation that I mentioned earlier. If you don¡¯t want to get involved you should probably leave now.¡± ¡°Of course. I understand. I would hate to be accidentally involved in any sort of criminal activity. I¡¯ll take my leave.¡± Tasha stood up and walked out of the courtyard. Ave lifted up the metal briefcase and placed it in front of her on the fence around the chicken coop. ¡°This is Councilor A¡¯s personal attache case. It contains all of his secret files.¡± Tasha¡¯s head leaned back around the corner. ¡°How did you get it? Did you steal it?¡± asked Luke. ¡°No, I didn''t steal it.¡± said Ave. ¡°So they let you take it?¡± asked Ash. ¡°Not exactly.¡± ¡°Nobody noticed you taking it?¡± ¡°I walk at an even pace and don¡¯t make a lot of eye contact.¡± Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her face. Ash smiled. ¡°Ave, this is great news. At long last we have a break.¡± He slapped the case. ¡°With this we can figure out what those dirty Councilors are up to and come up with a plan to stop them. We can finally save the Kingdom from the Demon Lord! Let¡¯s open it up.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t open it.¡± Ave stated. ¡°Ave, this is terrible news.¡± Ash dejectedly rolled over the fence into the chicken coop. A hen took the opportunity to peck at the bugs in his loose hair. ¡°So how do you open this?¡± Tasha ran her fingers over the edges of the case. ¡°No idea. It¡¯s protected with a series of magical locks.¡± said Ave. Tasha bit her lip playfully. ¡°What kind of magical locks?¡± ¡°The case itself is made from Titan¡¯s metal, virtually indestructible. The shell is made from two solid pieces. All hinges and locking mechanisms are housed on the inside.¡± said Ave. ¡°So there¡¯s no way to force it open?¡± Tasha¡¯s nails *Tip*Tap*Tipped* along the seam of the briefcase. ¡°Not without some obscenely powerful magic weapon, no.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t see any keyholes or combinations. Nothing that could be picked. Is there some special way of opening it?¡± ¡°Those are the magical protections I mentioned.¡± Ave picked up a chicken. ¡°The case is tied to the Councilor himself. Only he can open it. In order to unlock the case you need three things.¡± She held up the Chicken¡¯s wing. ¡°The Councilor¡¯s handprint pressed against the case.¡± She turned the Chicken¡¯s beak to face the case. ¡°The Councilor¡¯s face to identify that he¡¯s the one opening it.¡± She squeezed the Chicken gently. ¡°Finally a password that only the Councilor knows.¡± *Ba-gawk* Ave dropped the Chicken. ¡°Only then will the magical locks disengage so that the case can be opened.¡± ¡°Fascinating.¡± Tasha said. ¡°None of you seem worried about this.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a bit hard to be intimidated by a briefcase.¡± Ash said. ¡°Good news everyone! We¡¯re already one step complete on opening it.¡± shouted Luke. ¡°We are?¡± Ash sat up. ¡°Yes, obviously. Ave worked for the White Council.¡± Luke stated. ¡°You¡¯re correct. I did.¡± Ave agreed. ¡°You were their personal aide in the Council chamber right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. I was there for every secret meeting they had.¡± ¡°Did you ever hear the Councilor use his password to open this case?¡± Ave crossed her arms over her chest. ¡°Of course. Dozens of times. They never took any precautions around me. And every single time I wasn¡¯t paying attention. Not once. I have absolutely no idea what the password could be.¡±¡¯ ¡°Candywaffles!¡± Luke put his head in his hands. Plinth cracked open the kitchen door and leaned into the courtyard. ¡°Does anyone want some before bedtime blueberry pie?¡± # Cophin finished sharpening his knives in the kitchen. He slid them cleanly into his knife block with a satisfied smile. ¡°You know you can use the magnetic one I got you.¡± Plinth said as he entered the kitchen. ¡°Wood works just as good.¡± said Cophin. ¡°I¡¯m going to get some pie and then head to bed.¡± Plinth rummaged through the cold storage locker. ¡°So? What do ya think of them kids?¡± Cophin inspected a chip in his butcher block. ¡°They¡¯re good kids. But they¡¯re definitely trouble.¡± said Plinth. ¡°Causin¡¯ it, or in it?¡± ¡°Both I think.¡± ¡°We should get rid of em.¡± Cophin folded up his apron. Plinth pulled out a pie and placed it on the kitchen counter. He took one of the knives out of Cophin¡¯s block. With a surgical precision he sliced the pie into six equal sections without creating a single crack in the crust. ¡°We could. But what fun would that be? Besides, when have we ever run away from trouble?¡± Ages Ergo 1 Baby The Rogue Philosopher pushed open the door to her house and shuffled inside. Her husband The Former Ferrier walked in behind her with a basket in his hands. ¡°Well that was unexpected.¡± she said. ¡°You really had no idea?¡± he asked her. ¡°None at all?¡± ¡°I assumed I wasn¡¯t getting enough exercise and was putting on weight.¡± The husband rubbed the back of his neck. ¡°Hmmm, but your diet didn¡¯t really change. And you never noticed any missing days these past months?¡± ¡°I had assumed that I was only getting gentle visits from the moons. I considered it a blessing.¡± ¡°It was a blessing all right.¡± The husband lifted his basket up and put it on the table. A newborn baby, warm and soft as cornbread fresh from the oven, was swaddled inside the basket. ¡°I certainly never expected to find out that I was pregnant.¡± said the Rogue Philosopher. The Former Ferrier chuckled to himself. ¡°I don''t think I shall forget the Barber¡¯s face when he realized you were quickening right there in the chair in front of him. And then the face of the midwife. She asked you for one big push and then that was it. She came right out.¡± The wife untied her hair and loosened her bodice. ¡°I barely had time to be nervous. This morning I had a stomach ache. At lunch I was pregnant. And now we have a daughter just in time for an early supper.¡± She leaned over and lifted the bundle out of the basket. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡°She¡¯s not very big, but also not very little.¡± She ran a hand over the baby¡¯s downy hair. ¡°I think she¡¯s just the right size.¡± her husband said. ¡°I wonder if she¡¯s hungry?¡± ¡°Wah-¡± the baby suddenly cried, then stopped. ¡°I think that¡¯s a yes.¡± the Former Ferrier said. The Rogue Philosopher adjusted her bodice again. ¡°What a quiet baby.¡± she said. ¡°She¡¯s not fussing at all is she?¡± her husband observed. ¡°No. She seems fairly content.¡± The two of them watched the baby for a moment. ¡°Oh no. I¡¯ve thought of something terrible.¡± said the wife. ¡°What is it my love?¡± said her husband. ¡°We don¡¯t have a name for her.¡± ¡°To be honest we haven¡¯t had a lot of time to prepare one.¡± ¡°What do we call her? What do we call our daughter? We have to think of something. We can¡¯t have a baby with no name. What will the neighbors think?¡± ¡°Alright dear, rest a second. We¡¯ll think of something. We can call her¡­¡± ¡°...¡± ¡°... eh, not a lot comes to mind does it?¡± ¡°No.¡± The wife and husband stared down at the roundly flat face of their newborn daughter. ¡°Let¡¯s see she¡¯s very¡­¡± The husband trailed off. ¡°She has a¡­¡± ¡°Nothing comes to mind does it?¡± ¡°This is ridiculous. It¡¯s an impossible task. I¡¯ve never had to name an entire human being in one day. It can¡¯t be done!¡± The Rogue Philosopher had tears at the corners of her eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. We will come up with something.¡± ¡°This is important. We can¡¯t give our baby a stupid name.¡± The Former Ferrier shrugged. ¡°I mean, we certainly can. There are plenty of people that have done it already.¡± The wife punched her husband in the arm. The husband had the decency to look ashamed. Ages Ergo 2 Rocks ¡°All I¡¯m saying is that we shouldn¡¯t be so quick to show Luke¡¯s abilities off to the King.¡± ¡°But this could be our grand pull here. Think about it. Our child only pulls the best possible summon result. That¡¯s amazing.¡± ¡°It is, for now. It¡¯s too early to tell if he¡¯s the chosen one or if he¡¯s only lucky. Luke turned thirteen only a few months ago. What if his special summons wear off? What if he gets stage fright? Think of how embarrassing that would be, for us.¡± *Ka-Caaaw* ¡°See? Bec agrees.¡± ¡°I think you might be right. If Luke really does have the best summoning ability then we have to make sure. We need to perform more evaluations. We need to find the best way to use his powers responsibly. We can¡¯t let some strangers exploit our own son after all.¡± ¡°No no. Not some strangers.¡± ¡°We¡¯re his parents after all. We need to be certain that our son¡¯s gifts don¡¯t become a burden and that they benefit the whole family.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. The whole family.¡± *Caaaw* ¡°Bec agrees.¡± # Luke sat on the other side of the fence leading to his home. He pulled his knees into his chest and hugged his arms around his long lanky shins. ¡°Bonjour.¡± Luke looked up. There was a giant owl two meters tall standing on the sidewalk next to him. ¡°You¡¯re not a real owl are you.¡± Luke said. ¡°Why do you say that?¡± The owl asked. ¡°Your beak doesn¡¯t move when you talk. Your feathers are made of felt. And even though your pants are made to look like a pair of owl legs I can see a blanket stitch running across the bottom.¡± The Outfitted Owl-fit looked down at their legs and examined the stitching. This was difficult because the big glass eyes on the front of their costume were really only good for looking straight ahead. ¡°You¡¯re a very observant young boy.¡± The Outfitted Owl-fit said. ¡°Just like an owl. Owls are very observant too. Did you know that?¡± ¡°Hmph.¡± Luke pushed his chin into his knees. The person dressed in an owl costume sat down on the sidewalk next to Luke. ¡°Quel age avez-vous¡­ Ah, d¨¦sol¨¦e. How old are you?¡± ¡°Thirteen.¡± Luke said into his legs. ¡°So you are still a child.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a child! I¡¯m a teenager.¡± Luke pouted. ¡°Pardonne-moi. I did not mean to upset you. You are¡­ very tall for such a young man.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Luke stretched out his legs and sat up straighter. ¡°If you were un hibou, an owl you would be an adult already.¡± ¡°Is that right?¡± ¡°C''est vrai. There are many owls that only live for as many as fifteen years. The smaller ones such as burrowing owls might only live as long as eight. Then there are the large owls. Such as the great horned owl. Those owls can live for as many as forty years or more.¡± ¡°You like owls a lot huh?¡± said Luke. The felt head of the owl costume rotated to look at Luke. ¡°I do.¡± said the Outfitted Owl-fit. ¡°That¡¯s part of why I came here. I¡¯m a visiteur to your town. I was trying to find the city gate but I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. I was hoping to find someone to give me directions but there don¡¯t seem to be many people around today.¡± The Outfitted Owl-fit looked up and down the deserted streets. Luke picked up a pebble and threw it into the street. ¡°Yeah. There¡¯s not a lot of people around today. Everyone was gathering in the center of town to meet the King.¡± ¡°I see. And what about you?¡± The person in the owl costume asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t really want to go anyway.¡± Luke sniffed. ¡°Are you lost as well?¡± ¡°No. I live here.¡± Luke pointed over his shoulder. ¡°This is your home? Do you not want to go inside?¡± asked the owl. ¡°Nah.¡± Luke pulled his knees up to his chest again. The glass eyes of the owl costume started at him. The person on the other side chewed their lip. ¡°Then maybe you can assist me?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± The Outfitted Owl-fit stood up. ¡°I am still trying to find the city gate. If you do not mind I would appreciate if you could show me the way to the edge of town.¡± They held out a felt tipped wing. ¡°And if you do then I will be happy to share with you more owl facts.¡± Luke looked at the person in the owl costume that was asking him to walk to the edge of town all alone with them. ¡°Okay.¡± # ¡°Don¡¯t you want to go as well?¡± ¡°No.¡± Ash looked at the ground. ¡°You know how our dad feels about royalty.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Luke kicked the dust with his foot. The two boys stood in the yard in front of Ash¡¯s house. The noonday sun doddled across the sky overhead. A cool breeze shifted the leaves on the trees surrounding the small family cottage. ¡°What do you think they¡¯re doing?¡± asked Luke. ¡°Who?¡± said Ash. This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it ¡°Anyone. Everyone. All the townies who went to see the King.¡± ¡°They¡¯re probably lining up in single file so they can kiss the King¡¯s butt.¡± Ash puckered his lips. ¡°Eww. Gross. Stop it.¡± Luke held up his hands in front of his face. ¡°They¡¯ll kiss his butt and lick his shoes and then they¡¯ll all stack themselves into a big human pyramid so that he can fart on them. Fart fart fart.¡± Ash stuck his hand under his armpit and squeezed. *Fart*Fart*Fart* ¡°Gross.¡± Luke shoved Ash. The two boys laughed together. ¡°I kinda wish that we could go.¡± Luke looked back towards the city gates. ¡°Yeah. And we could fart on the King. Give him a good one cheek squeak.¡± Ash laughed again. ¡°Sure. But just to see the King. Like everyone else in town. So that we don''t get left out.¡± Ash rubbed his chin. ¡°Huh, you¡¯re right¡­ it would be annoying if everyone else had something to talk about and we didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°And what if we brought something.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°Like a gift.¡± ¡°A gift for the King? Don¡¯t let dad hear you talking about that.¡± Ash chuckled. Luke squeezed the thumb of his left hand with his right. Ash pulled on his sleeve. ¡°Fine. What did you have in mind?¡± ¡°Actually, I heard one of the Guild craftsmen talking once. I think I have an idea.¡± # ¡°We¡¯re very pleased that you have taken the time to visit us my King. It means so much that you would come all the way out here to the edge of the Kingdom just to see our town.¡± Mayor Letterman bowed. A massive steam powered carriage thirteen meters long was parked in the center of Star Town¡¯s marketplace. The top of the carriage had been propped open while one entire side had been folded down to create a makeshift platform. The carriage was ringed by a layer of porters, manservants, and Capital Guards. In every other corner of the marketplace citizens of Star Town crowded in to get a look at the carriage. As they watched, the King strolled onto the platform and waved to the crowd. *Enthusiastic Cheering* Several porters hauled a large treasure chest almost as tall as the King was onto the stage beside him. The chest had little wheels on the bottom that allowed it to be rolled in any direction. The King waved his hands. ¡°Hello Star Town. Here¡¯s some money!¡± A porter handed him a modified airbow with a thick cone mounted on the front. The King aimed the airbow into the crown and pulled the triggers. The cone on the front exploded and sent a shower of paper notes out into the crowd. *Mercurial Cheering* ¡°Haha. That¡¯s right. Everyone loves me.¡± The King chuckled. The Mayor stood back up. His gubernatorial nutcracker clacked on the chain around his neck. ¡°The citizens of Star Town are the most loyal and hard working people in the entire Kingdom.¡± said Mayor Letterman. ¡°Of course they are. It¡¯s wonderful to meet my subjects face to face and heart to heart.¡± The King slapped Mayor Letterman on the chest in an overly friendly manner. The King leaned over and scooped a handful of coins out of the open chest that was next to him. With a flick of his wrist he hurled the coins into the crowd. All of the children, and a few of the less self conscious adults, scrambled on the ground to pick up the coins. Mayor Letterman rubbed his thick neck. ¡°You certainly know how to win over the crowd my King.¡± ¡°Well you can tell them that their King cares deeply about their welfare.¡± said the monarch. ¡°I¡¯m sure the people know that sire.¡± ¡°Sure. But here¡¯s a purse of money so that you tell them anyway.¡± The King handed the Mayor a purse full of coins. ¡°Of course sir. I will be sure to make an announcement.¡± said the Mayor. ¡°Be sure that you do.¡± The King passed him another purse full of money. ¡°Uh¡­ you are too kind my King.¡± ¡°That is true. Make sure you tell people.¡± The King shoved another purse into the Mayor¡¯s hands. Mayor Letterman frowned down at the growing collection of wallets he was holding. ¡°Really my liege. I¡¯m going to do it.¡± ¡°I know you will.¡± Another purse was stacked on top of the others. ¡°Your, uh, generosity is welcome, but not necessary sire.¡± ¡°The thing about generosity is you can never have too much.¡± The King produced another purse from his pockets and tucked it in between the Mayor¡¯s elbow and shoulder. The Mayor was trying his very best not to break out in a panicked sweat. ¡°Why don¡¯t I let you bask in their adoration¡­ alone.¡± Mayor Letterman shuffled a few steps back as the King waved another purse of jingling coins at him. The King leaned over and put an elbow on the chest beside him. ¡°What a day.¡± he mused. ¡°My appearance is probably the most exciting thing to happen in this town for years.¡± ¡°Come on. Get out of my way. Make room you shiny can openers.¡± A small boy, covered in dirt, was shoving his way through the crowd. He made his way to the circle of Capital Guards stationed around the main carriage. Ash hobbled to the edge of the circle of Guards. The barely conscious body of Luke was draped over his shoulders. Luke¡¯s head bobbed up and down. Thirteen year old Jack watched from the edge of the stage with his father. ¡°What the¡­¡± ¡°Hey King!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°We have a gift for you. Hey you! In the crown! Did you hear me?¡± The King smiled. He turned ever so slightly towards one of his manservants. ¡°Have that child-¡± ¡°Unless you''re afraid of two little children or something.¡± The King retained his smile. ¡°... brought up onto the stage.¡± said the King. The circle of Guards parted. Ash, carrying Luke, was allowed through. He climbed the stairs leading to the raised platform that was the side of the carriage. Ash was panting for breath by the time he reached the platform. Jack met him on the stairs. Jack hissed at him. Ash hissed back. Ash stuck his chin out at jack. Jack stamped his foot down on the stage. ¡°Ahem.¡± The King cleared his throat. The Star Town marketplace hushed. Jack stepped back behind his father. Ash stood at the edge of the platform. His mouth was very dry for some reason. The King adjusted his sleeves, smoothed down his eyebrows, and examined his nails. ¡°You have something for me, is that right?¡± Ash tilted his head at Luke. ¡°It was his idea.¡± Ash reached for his left pocket, stopped, then reached for his right pocket instead. He pulled a dull stone out of it. The stone was about as large as a grapefruit with splotches of red and black igneous rock decorating the outside. ¡°For you.¡± The King raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. He tossed a coin at a nearby manservant. The manservant stepped down to retrieve the stone. Thirteen year old Ted poked his head around a corner in the marketplace. ¡°What is that?¡± Thirteen year old Lilly raised her eyebrows. ¡°That¡¯s a geode.¡± ¡°What¡¯s a geode?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a type of volcanic rock.¡± ¡°So it¡¯s only a rock?¡± ¡°Yes. But it¡¯s also the ultimate summoning gift. A geode forms when a hollow stone fills with gas or water. Over time the hollow area gets filled with crystalline deposits. What makes a geode special is that even though the inside is filled with crystals there¡¯s no way to tell from the outside. The surface of the stone makes it look like any other rock. You can summon a geode like any other stone, but the only way to know its true value is to crack it open and look inside.¡± The King accepted the stone. He turned it over in his hand. The stone was grimy and dun. Its dark surface reflected no light or promise. With a *Sigh* the King drew a small rock hammer the size of a pencil out of his pants. He examined the geode and selected a spot. With a bored *Snap* of his wrist he brought the hammer down on the geode¡¯s shell. A hairline fracture split down the side and ran in a perfect circle around the circumference of the geode. The entire gathered town waited in anticipation as the King put his hands on either side of the cracked geode. As the geode was opened an uncanny light spilled out. Six million seven hundred thousand four hundred and seventeen crystalline flakes arranged in a fractalized snowflake pattern glittered inside. The crystals themselves were so flawlessly reflective that they somehow managed to be even brighter than the ambient light of the environment around them. Most of the gathered townsfolk had to shield their eyes. And even though light is only electromagnetic waves *the people gathered in the marketplace {would later swear that they could (Hear) the sound of sunlight being} broken into a rainbow of colors* ¡°That¡¯s incredible¡­¡± said the King in absolute awe. ¡°I''ve never seen anything like- Gaah!¡± A rock pigeon flew down and hit him in the side of the head. Ages Ergo 3 Discrepancy ¡°Mom?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°I was thinking, that maybe, I could get a tutor.¡± ¡°You already have a tutor.¡± ¡°No. I mean a magic tutor.¡± ¡°Why would you want one of those?¡± ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ you know. I heard that if you have a magic tutor they can teach you how to summon. If you¡¯re having a hard time.¡± ¡°Summons are random Vance. Magic tutors are a waste of money. They can¡¯t teach people anything. They¡¯re just taking advantage of people that have a poor grasp of statistics.¡± ¡°Yeah but¡­¡± ¡°I should hire you a statistics tutor. Get these silly ideas out of your head.¡± ¡°But then why do I¡­ why do my summons¡­¡± ¡°What are you talking about Vance?¡± ¡°You know¡­¡± ¡°No I don¡¯t. What is it?¡± ¡°Nevermind¡­¡± ¡°Listen to me Vance.¡± ¡°Yes mom?¡± ¡°You are naturally gifted.¡± ¡°But my summons don¡¯t work like they should. I¡¯m never able to pull the things that I¡¯m trying to get.¡± ¡°Like I said, naturally gifted. Your gift is only different, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°If you say so.¡± ¡°I do. Now be a good boy. Your mother has to go to work so she¡¯s going to leave you all by yourself in our huge mansion with only the servants for company.¡± ¡°Yes mother.¡± # ¡°Welcome to the big city. My name is Vance.¡± ¡°I¡¯m Bede.¡± ¡°You can call me Privati.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re the cousins that Lady House has taken in under her wing. I don¡¯t know why you both look like you were just kicked up a staircase. Lady House is the richest woman in the entire Kingdom. You two are going to be set for life.¡± Vance said. ¡°The bars of our cage might be solid gold but that doesn¡¯t stop this place from being any less of a prison.¡± Privati sighed. ¡°There! That right there! You¡¯re complaining about the cactus¡¯ thorns but overlooking the juicy pulp inside.¡± Vance said. ¡°You like to hear yourself talk.¡± Bede said. ¡°I like to look on the bright side of things.¡± Vance threw an arm around Privati and Bede¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Listen, the fish doesn¡¯t complain that it can¡¯t fly and the bird doesn¡¯t complain that it can¡¯t swim. You two need to stop looking at all of the things that you can¡¯t do and start appreciating all of the things that you can.¡± Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. Bede and Privati looked at each other. They frowned. Vance smiled. ¡°Listen to me, it¡¯s your first day in the big city. Why not let me take you out and show you around town. Come on. I¡¯ll show you all of the sights. It will be fun.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. We¡¯re only fourteen. Are we really supposed to be wandering the streets all by ourselves without any supervision?¡± Bede asked. ¡°You¡¯re right, you¡¯re right. It would be irresponsible. We don¡¯t want to upset big mommy House. It¡¯s fine. I¡¯ll leave and the two of you can spend the rest of the day sitting quietly in your rooms while your expensive tutors list off all of the private lessons they¡¯ll be teaching your for the next few months.¡± # ¡°What do they call this?¡± asked Privati. ¡°This is boba. It¡¯s a flavored tea that has spheres of tapioca added to it. Here you drink it like this.¡± Vance pulled a thin layer of protective wax paper off of the top of his glass of tea. He then brought it to his open mouth, tilted the cup back, and started drinking as fast as he could. ¡°Why is the straw so large?¡± Privati asked. ¡°It¡¯s so *Caff*Cough* you can *Gulp* shovel the tapioca balls into your mouth. Like this!¡± Vance started drinking even faster. He used the straw like a little boat oar to paddle tapioca into his mouth. # Vance used his elbow to push open the door of the Vehicle Showroom. He walked over to one of the display model carriages and stopped to examine it. He kicked the wheels. He tapped the illuminators with a finger. He ran his palm over the leather seat. Bede and Privati watched him from the edge of the doorway. Finally Vance turned to the Dealership Rep. ¡°I want to test drive this carriage.¡± Vance said. ¡°Sir, your mother, the Judge, already has a personal carriage at her disposal. I know this because we sold it to her. We perform maintenance on it. She has made it very clear that she only needs one vehicle for your household. Why do you insist on coming into our workshop?¡± The Rep asked. ¡°I have to keep up with the latest models.¡± Vance said. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t you and your new friends be more interested in going to a store where they sell bicycles instead?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. My new friends.¡± Vance slapped his forehead. ¡°You had better give us three vehicles to test drive today.¡± # Vance, Bede, and Privati sprawled out on the roof of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Their clothes were covered with a cobbled collection of crumbs, clay, cheese, and chocolate. Far to the east the sun was setting behind the mountains at the edge of the Kingdom. ¡°How do you guys feel?¡± asked Vance. ¡°Exhausted.¡± Privati rolled over. ¡°Do you spend every day like this?¡± ¡°Oh no. Normally I¡¯m much more annoying.¡± Vance grinned. ¡°I find that hard to believe.¡± Privati smiled. ¡°What are they doing down there?¡± Bede pointed at the courtyard below them. A group of workers were assembling a large brass cylinder. ¡°I think they¡¯re setting up an arc-lamp. A really big one.¡± Vance said. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Something about your Aunt wanting to light up the gambling hall at night so it¡¯s as bright as day. It lets people gamble longer without getting tired. I don¡¯t really understand it.¡± Vance shrugged. The three of them laid back down. The first bright stars began to twinkle in the sky overhead. ¡°It¡¯s odd.¡± Privati said. ¡°I thought we were going to get into trouble. Or at least more trouble.¡± ¡°If you thought today was trouble you haven¡¯t seen anything yet.¡± Vance said. Privati sighed. ¡°No. I mean when we got back. I expected the maids or the manservants to say something, anything. But they all just went back to their chores. Even the bouncers at the entrance let us back in without telling Aunt House.¡± Bede blinked. ¡°You¡¯re right. We weren¡¯t supposed to go out. I thought they would yell at us. But they all looked kind of embarrassed instead.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it great.¡± Vance said. ¡°What do you mean?¡± asked Privati. ¡°If you break one rule you get punished.¡± Vance said. ¡°But if you break every rule then people don¡¯t know where to start. It¡¯s like my mother always says, if you¡¯re going to break a law, keep going and break a few more. If you become a big enough criminal eventually no one person will have the authority to stop you.¡± ¡°That sounds crazy.¡± said Bede. Vance itched his nose. ¡°My mother said it¡¯s called politics. Don¡¯t worry, you two will get used to it very soon.¡± ¡°Will we?¡± Bede¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°I¡¯m the son of the City Judge and you two are the wards of the richest woman in the city, by the moons, maybe the richest woman in the whole Kingdom. We might only be children but everyone gives us the same respect that they give our parents.¡± ¡°It¡¯s like they¡¯re afraid not to.¡± Privati said. Vance nodded. ¡°That¡¯s exactly it. Welcome to my world. A world of doing whatever you want and facing zero consequences.¡± Vance smiled. As night fell the three of them stared up at the stars and the space between. Pull 52 Act 4 ¡°How did everyone sleep?¡± asked Luke. The group sat around a table in the dining room of the restaurant. Each of them had a bowl of dry oatmeal and a glass of orange juice in front of them. ¡°Not bad.¡± Tasha powered down some dry oats. ¡°Rosy pinned the sheets over the room like a tent so that we could all sleep under the covers. I¡¯m used to resting in my cramped carriage so it didn¡¯t bother me.¡± ¡°I was a soldier. I can sleep anywhere.¡± Ave munched her cereal without complaint. ¡°Eins, eat your oatmeal.¡± Luke said. ¡°Buuut it¡¯s so bland and tasteless.¡± The dog replied. ¡°That¡¯s because it has so much fiber in it. It¡¯s good for you.¡± Eins buried its snout in the bowl of oatmeal and grumbly licked at the cereal. ¡°Are you still a soldier? Or, are you going back?¡± Ash asked Ave. ¡°I have to. I need to get this back before someone notices it''s missing.¡± Ave held up the briefcase. ¡°Our plan fails before it even begins.¡± Ash *Slammed* his spoon down on the table. ¡°Everything alright out there?¡± Plinth called from the kitchen. ¡°Everything is great! Thank you for asking Plinth!¡± Ash replied. ¡°Okay. Let me know if you kids need any more helpful advice.¡± Ave leaned over the table. ¡°Listen to me. We have a plan. We just don¡¯t have the means to complete it, yet.¡± She reached over with a napkin and wiped some oat flakes off of Eins¡¯ snout. ¡°I¡¯m going back to the Gambling Hall. I¡¯ll try to find a way to use the case to get the password. The rest of you try and think of a way to get the other keys we need. Except you Tasha. There¡¯s no need for you to be involved in our criminal activities.¡± ¡°Nope.¡± Tasha took a looong drink of orange juice. ¡°Now I have to get going. Keep an eye on Eins while I¡¯m gone.¡± Ave stood up from the table, adjusted her breastplate, and walked towards the front door. ¡°Be back in time for the dinner rush okay?¡± Plinth called from the kitchen. ¡°Yes sir!¡± Ave called back. # ¡°I¡¯m telling ya we don¡¯t need any promotion!¡± Ash, Luke, Tasha, and Eins wandered out into the street in front of the restaurant. Ash pulled on his new set of shoes. Tasha applied some lip gloss then put the tube back in her cosmetics case. Cophin was having an animated (loud) conversation with another man. ¡°Tha only promotion that we need is from word ah mouth.¡± ¡°But think of it Cophin. We already have two restaurants on this street. If we could get more we could have one of those things. You know, a many-restaurant street.¡± The other man said. ¡°A district?¡± ¡°That is the thing. Just think of all the other cafes that would move into the area. All of them in their uniforms with lights running up and down the street. It would be a real night life.¡± The other man gazed longingly into his own imagination. ¡°Listen to me Lux. I don¡¯t need uniforms. I don¡¯t need promotion. And I don¡¯t need ah district. My restaurant will succeed by tha quality of its food and nothing else!¡± Cophin crossed his arms. Lux turned slightly to face the group. ¡°Then why did you hire so many people?¡± Cophin turned and noticed the group standing behind him. ¡°That was¡­ we needed¡­ we¡¯re in a growth phase. Forget that. Kids this is Lux. He runs tha Galaxy Lip.¡± Cophin pointed a thumb over his shoulder. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. Lux was tall with square shoulders and an even squarer posture. He had a round chin and a sharp nose. His golden hair cascaded off of the top of his head before curling gently above his shoulders. He had on white slacks, white loafers, and a bleached white chef¡¯s jacket with dazzling golden buttons the same color as his hair. Instead of a belt he wore a wire framed hoop around his waist about eighty three centimeters in diameter. The edges of the hoop were decorated with foil stars and miniature arc lamps. Lux kept his hand clasped in front of him when he moved or talked. ¡°I¡¯m Ash.¡± ¡°My name is Lux. It is nice to meet you.¡± Lux replied. ¡°My name is Luke. How do you do.¡± ¡°My name is Lux. It is nice to meet you.¡± Lux repeated. ¡°I¡¯m Tasha. Nice to meet you too.¡± ¡°My name is Lux. It is nice to meet you.¡± Lux said again. Lux always faced the person he was speaking to directly and his eyes looked just above their right ear. Lux turned to face Eins. He seemed to be waiting for something. Luke spoke up. ¡°Oh right. This is Eins. He¡¯s our¡­ dog?¡± ¡°Bark.¡± ¡°My name is Lux. It is nice to meet you.¡± Lux looked satisfied. ¡°Don¡¯t get too attached. They¡¯re all on probation!¡± Cophin narrowed his eyes at the group. ¡°I¡¯ve yet ta see any of them satisfactorily serve a customer.¡± ¡°Perhaps that is because your restaurant is so empty.¡± said Lux. Cophin whirled around. Lux stifled a laugh and pretended to be looking at a bird. Ash interrupted. ¡°By the way Cophin, what is your restaurant?¡± ¡°What!?¡± Cophin snarled. ¡°I mean, what is the name?¡± Ash pointed at the sign above the door. The wooden sign was mounted on a metal bracket so that it could be viewed from the street. There were no words on it. The only imagery was a purple rectangle with three smaller rectangles stuck to one side at right angles. Below that was a small window with a blue sheet of glass in a teardrop shape. Luke looked at the sign. ¡°Yes. Is there more to it? Did some letters fall off?¡± ¡°Was Vance right? Did this used to be a furniture store?¡± asked Ash. Lux stifled a giggle. ¡°What are you gabbing about!?¡± Sputtered Cophin. He gestured at the sign. ¡°It¡¯s simple. It¡¯s elegant. It¡¯s obvious.¡± *Nobody said anything* ¡°Look! What is that?¡± Cophin pointed to the top of the sign. ¡°A table?¡± said Tasha. ¡°No! It¡¯s not a shape, it''s a letter. What letter?¡± asked Cophin. ¡°An M?¡± asked Luke. ¡°No! Other direction.¡± said Cophin. ¡°An E!¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Cophin nodded. ¡°Now what is that?¡± He pointed at the bottom of the sign. ¡°An O?¡± asked Luke. ¡°No, no! Not the letter. The shape!¡± Cophin yelled. ¡°A triangle?¡± asked Ash. ¡°It has a curved bottom.¡± said Cophin. ¡°A curved triangle.¡± Ash tried again. ¡°A teardrop.¡± said Tasha. ¡°Yes. That¡¯s it.¡± Cophin clapped his hands. ¡°So that means our restaurant is¡­?¡± ¡°Confusing?¡± Ash leered. ¡°No!¡± Cophin *Snapped* his fingers. *Snap*Snap*Snap* ¡°It¡¯s a letter drop?¡± asked Luke. ¡°It¡¯s a water table?¡± asked Tasha. Lux licked his lip. ¡°It¡¯s an Eatery. You know, like E-tear-ry.¡± ¡°OH¡­ oooh.¡± Luke tried his best to look supportive. ¡°That¡¯s, clever.¡± Tasha hid her mouth. Ash looked disgusted. Eins *Groooaned*. Cophin pinched his nose and shook his head. ¡°Some things are too simple for people ta understand.¡± Plinth strolled outside. ¡°Are you all making fun of the name of our restaurant out here?¡± ¡°Nooo.¡± Ash, Luke, Tasha, and Eins replied. ¡°Well good, because I don¡¯t care. Cophin is the one who picked the name and he¡¯s the one who has to eat his own moldy bread on this choice.¡± Plinth pulled a piece of paper out of his apron. ¡°As for the rest of you, I have some errands that need to be taken care of. Take this list and head down to the market. Even if we don¡¯t have more customers we do have more mouths to feed.¡± *Yawn* ¡°What¡¯s this about errands? I can help.¡± said Rosy. Rosy blinked several times as she walked out of the front door of the restaurant. Like before Rosy was wearing a leather harness around her chest with a longsword strapped to the front. However the only other thing she was wearing was her nightgown. Also Rosy¡¯s hair was, a, complete, mess! She *Yawned* once more and scratched her left butt cheek. Ash, Luke, Tasha, and Eins politely looked away. Several early morning tourists did not. ¡°Miss Rosy! What are you!? Let¡¯s get you inside.¡± Plinth hid her with his wide frame. He powerwalked the drowsy woman back inside. ¡°The rest of you get to those errands!¡± ¡°Yes sir.¡± Plinth steered Rosy into the restaurant. ¡°We need to get you some clothes on. Cophin! Make us some coffee. No sugar. No cream.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah. I¡¯m on it.¡± Cophin continued to have a loud conversation with Lux in the street. As he walked away Ash looked back over his shoulder at the Galaxy Lip restaurant. He couldn¡¯t be sure but he guessed that all of the doors for the building were exactly eighty three centimeters wide. Pull 53 Cream Cheese Hazard ¡°This is an exotic farmer¡¯s market.¡± Ash whistled. Ash, Luke, Tasha, and Eins stood at the edge of a huge marketplace. Tourists, citizens, and merchants mingled together in an orgy of overwhelming commerce. ¡°Kaseihgaeu isn¡¯t only known for its incredible gambling halls, it''s also a major summoning hub for the northern part of the Kingdom.¡± Tasha yawned. ¡°You can find specialized summoners here from the ocean, the Wode, even as far away as Franz.¡± *Sniff*Sniff* Eins lifted its nose. *Sniff* The little dog started to wander away from the group. ¡°Let¡¯s see what¡¯s on the list here.¡± Ash held up the errand sheet. ¡°Collect rice, spinach, barley, seaweed, oak firewood¡­ This is all basic stuff. We could have found this anywhere. Why did Plinth send us all the way over here?¡± Ash slapped the sheet. ¡°Maybe he was trying to get rid of us?¡± Tasha said. ¡°That¡¯s absurd. We¡¯re delightful.¡± said Ash. ¡°Eins? Where did that dog run off to?¡± Luke looked around. ¡°Do you think that you two can handle this by yourselves? Because I¡­¡± Tasha started. ¡°There he is! Hold on. Eins is wandering off.¡± Luke pointed. Eins was pacing in front of a corner shop at the end of the street. The corner shop was decorated with large glass windows and a wooden sign out front that depicted a triangular looking pastry. With a *Hop* Eins grabbed onto a windowsill with its front paws and tried to pull itself up. The dog¡¯s nose smooshed against the glass frame. Luke jogged over and picked Eins up in his arms. ¡°Eins what are you doing? You¡¯re going to get lost like that.¡± ¡°I smell cream cheese.¡± Eins wiggled in Luke¡¯s arms. ¡°Well maybe we¡¯ll get you a snack after we finish our chores.¡± said Luke. ¡°I don¡¯t want to wait that long. I want it now.¡± Eins wilted in Luke¡¯s arms. The corner shop¡¯s bell *Ding-a-linged* as the door opened. Jack and Ted walked out of the store onto the sidewalk. They were both carrying crepes fresh from the oven rolled in wax paper. ¡°And the third reason I believe gambling should be illegal is that the odds are always stacked in favor of the house. If it¡¯s not fair then it shouldn¡¯t be legal.¡± said Jack. He peeled the wax paper down from his crepe. ¡°Hey Jack.¡± said Luke. ¡°Oh, hey Luke.¡± said Jack. ¡°Hey Ted.¡± said Luke. ¡°Nice to see you Luke.¡± Ted bit into his own crepe. ¡°Hey Jack.¡± said Ash. ¡°Hey to you to Ash.¡± Jack took a big bite from his crepe. ¡°Hnnsh!¡± Jack¡¯s head snapped up. A piece of wax paper tore off in his mouth. ¡°Whhht rre hou dunning hrrr!?¡± Jack tried to enunciate. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. ¡°Just doing some shopping. Picking up a few things. But it¡¯s a little crowded over here. Maybe we should look at the other side of the market.¡± Ash took a single step back. ¡°Hhuurr nnhht¡­¡± Jack started to shout. Jack took a deep breath. That was a mistake. ¡°Hhgguuhh!¡± Jack¡¯s mouth twitched. *Cough*Gah*Cough* Jack pounded on his chest with his free hand. Ted grabbed Jack¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Jack?¡± Jack tried to cough again. He dropped his crepe. ¡°Is he turning blue?¡± asked Eins. Jack stared at Eins. His neck and cheeks started to turn purple. ¡°Hhhuuu¡­¡± Jack wheezed. He pulled at his collar. ¡°Moons above! What do we do!¡± Ash panicked. ¡°Jack! Can you breathe?¡± Luke asked. Jack shook his head. ¡°Hold on! I read about this in one of Belbuk¡¯s textbooks.¡± Luke set Eins back on the ground. He jumped behind Jack and tilted him at the waist so that his head was angled towards the ground. Luke slapped him on the back five times between his shoulder blades with the flat of his hand. *Whack*Whack*Whack*Whack*Whack* Jack continued to wheeze. Luke threw his arms around the other boy¡¯s chest. Luke made a fist with one hand and put his thumb just above Jack¡¯s navel. Grasping his fist with his other hand he pressed into Jack¡¯s stomach with a quick upward thrust. Jack was jerked slightly off the ground. Luke repeated this action five times. *Thrust*Thrust*Thrust*Thrust*Thrust* When there was no change Luke moved back and repeated the five back slaps again. *Whack*Whack*Whack*Whack*Whack*HEAVE*Splooot* A clump of half masticated banana maple peanut butter crepe was ejected from Jack¡¯s mouth. It landed on the cobblestones. Jack took a shaking breath. He spit on the ground several times. Luke rubbed Jack¡¯s back in small circles. ¡°There we go. Get it all out. Take it easy. Nice deep breaths.¡± Several passing tourists *Clapped*. Eins made sure no one was looking and slowly scooted towards the crepe. ¡°That was incredible Luke. You¡­ you saved him.¡± Ted put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Well done.¡± ¡°Good job.¡± The tourists called out. ¡°It was nothing.¡± Luke held his hands up to the crowd. ¡°It¡¯s common first aid for someone who is choking. Remember, it¡¯s five back slaps followed by five abdominal thrusts. Then repeat that until the blockage is removed.¡± ¡°What¡¯s an abdominal thrust?¡± asked a Tourist. ¡°Come over here. I¡¯ll demonstrate it for you. Ted help me won¡¯t you.¡± Luke stepped behind Ted and began miming the movements. A group of tourists gathered around them. ¡°Remember you can sign up for first aid classes with a local MD.¡± # Ash crouched down next to Jack. ¡°Jack that was terrifying. Are you okay?¡± ¡°...uhh¡­ gu¡­¡± Jack belched and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. ¡°Are you trying to say something?¡± Jack grabbed one of Ash¡¯s sleeves. ¡°...gu¡­ gu¡­ Guards!¡± he hoarsely shouted. ¡°What are you?¡± Ash jerked his arm back. ¡°Guards! Guards! Arrest this man!¡± Jack grabbed Ash¡¯s arm and pulled him closer. Ash yanked his arm back, knocking Jack off balance. The two boys fell into the street in a pile. ¡°Is this any way to thank the person that saved your life?¡± Ash shouted. ¡°You almost killed me!¡± Jack shouted back. # ¡°Ted, do you hear the sound of a group of Guards running this way?¡± Luke looked up from the demonstration. A group of Guards was running towards them. Or more accurately towards Ash and Jack as they wrestled on the ground. Luke clenched his teeth. ¡°That¡¯s not good. Sorry everyone, that''s all the time I have for a demonstration.¡± Luke ran over and scooped Eins up off the ground. Ted followed him. ¡°Did you get a new pet?¡± ¡°Yeah he¡¯s our¡­ dog.¡± Luke replied. The Guards managed to haul Ash and Jack, kicking and flailing, up off the ground. They finally managed to separate the two boys. ¡°Are they being arrested?¡± Luke asked. Ted put one hand over his eyes. ¡°Mayor Letterman is not going to like this.¡± Luke looked around for Tasha. ¡°Tasha? There you are. Tasha take Eins. Finish the shopping. We¡¯ll meet you back at the restaurant. Can you do that?¡± Luke handed Eins over to her. Tasha held up her hand. ¡°Actually I need to-¡± ¡°Great. I¡¯m going to try and help Ash. See you later.¡± Luke ran to the end of the street. Ted followed him. ¡°Eins, why are you covered in cream cheese?¡± Tasha turned around and walked off with the dog. She was just a second too late to see a group of hooded figures leap onto Luke and Ted, throw them into burlap sacks, and drag them away into an alley. Pull 54 ¡°Listen to me Officer¡­!?¡± Jack squirted his eyes at the Guardsman sitting across the desk from him and tried to read his name plate. ¡°Soppurt. Desk Officer Soppurt.¡± The older man filled in the blank for him. Desk Officer Soppurt was in his mid fifties. He had sharp cheekbones and weathered skin. His long silver grey hair was clipped in a ponytail that he casually draped around his neck. He wore two golden rings on the middle and ring fingers of his right hand. Three identical rings decorated his ponytail. One last ring was pierced through the helix of his left ear. The Officer held a notepad loosely in one hand. Soppurt cleared his throat. ¡°You were trying to tell me that the young man you were brought in with was¡­?¡± ¡°A wanted criminal. He¡¯s on the run from the Capital. For¡­ Capital, crimes.¡± Jack said. ¡°The Capital crime of¡­ summoning monsters?¡± ¡°A demon actually.¡± Soppurt chewed his lip. ¡°So he summoned a demon.¡± Jack frowned. ¡°No. But he aided someone who did.¡± Soppurt looked at his notepad. ¡°And this is the other boy. The one that saved your life?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± said Jack. ¡°And where did he go?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Ash distracted me.¡± said Jack. Soppurt leaned back in his chair. He waited. ¡°It¡¯s all true. I brought you the wanted poster.¡± Jack pointed at the sheet of paper with Ash¡¯s face on it that was sitting on the table. ¡°Right.¡± Soppurt picked up the poster. ¡°A wanted poster, from another town, without the Mayor¡¯s seal on it. And without an official listed crime.¡± ¡°My fath- The Mayor was busy. He didn¡¯t have time to authorize the poster.¡± Jack stood up. He paced back and forth. ¡°Look, get in contact with the Guard Capten that was assigned to the mission. Send him a squirrel. He can tell you everything.¡± ¡°And this Guard Capten¡¯s name was?¡± Jack chewed the air for a second. ¡°He was¡­ his name was¡­ he smoked a lot?¡± ¡°Any distinguishing features?¡± asked Soppurt. ¡°... he had, a helmet and¡­ Just contact the Capital. Or the Councilor! He can tell you.¡± Jack exerted. Soppurt folded his notepad up. ¡°I¡¯m going to be honest with you. This sounds like a lot of paperwork. And I did not take a job in the fanciest city in the Kingdom to do, paperwork.¡± The P on Paperwork really *Popped* coming out of Soppurt¡¯s mouth. Jack *Slammed* a hand on the desk. ¡°I¡¯m telling you he is not to be trusted. He is a menace!¡± ¡°Actually my boys said that you were fighting with him when they found you.¡± said Soppurt. ¡°I was, trying to detain him, until the Guards arrived.¡± ¡°Listen, you seem like a nice kid but I think that you and your friend need some help with whatever is going on between you. Some help acting like adults. I tell you what. We have a nice little room here. You can sit inside it for a little while. Wait until you both cool off a bit and feel like apologizing.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have time to sit around and wait.¡± said Jack. ¡°That¡¯s the best part. This room has bars on it. So you don¡¯t have any choice but to sit around and wait.¡± said Soppurt. ¡°Wait? Are you saying? You can¡¯t be serious. I am not a criminal.¡± ¡°And I am not arresting you. Only encouraging you to cool off in a nice private room with no distractions.¡± Officer Soppurt stood up. He rested his hand on a tonfa that was holstered in a metal ring on his belt. Jack adjusted his collar. He stood up straight. He pulled his shoulders back. ¡°I will have you know that I am the future Mayor of Star Town. I demand that you send a message to my father at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. He will confirm everything I¡¯ve told you already.¡± Soppurt slowly nodded his head. ¡°Yeah¡­ but, paperwork¡­¡± # ¡°This is all your fault Ash!¡± Jack shouted from the other end of the corridor. The corridor had three holding cells in it. Each of the cells was placed side by side to the next one. Several minutes ago Ash had been put in the first cell. Then he had watched in amazement as Jack was marched down the corridor and put in the last cell at the end. The Desk Officer walked back past Ash¡¯s cell. ¡°Does this mean that I¡¯m being released?¡± asked Ash. ¡°You¡¯re all getting released.¡± Soppurt gave a dry grin. ¡°Eventually.¡± He walked back to his desk in the front room of the Guard Post. Ash called out. ¡°Jack! What did you do?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything. This is all your fault!¡± Jack shouted back. ¡°My fault? What are you talking about? You¡¯re the one that jammed half a crepe down your throat and then called the Guards.¡± said Ash. ¡°Stop bothering me! I don¡¯t want to talk to you. I don¡¯t want to see you. I don¡¯t want to have anything to do with you!¡± said Jack. Ash stepped away from the bars of his cell. ¡°Well that¡¯s just too bad.¡± Ash clenched his fists and summoned. # ¡°Officer. Officer! Please come quickly. I need to be let out of the cell!¡± Ash yelled. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. Soppurt *Groooaned*. He walked down the corridor to Ash¡¯s cell. ¡°Look kid you better be dead or dying because I am not-¡± The Desk Officer froze in place. Ash stood in the middle of the cell. All around him, on every wall, the floor, and the ceiling, every surface was covered with thousands of midges. The plentiful flies formed a great buzzing cloud that bounced off the walls of the cell. Ash lifted his shirt up over his mouth and nose. Soppurt covered his mouth with a hand. ¡°By the dark eye! Where did all of these bugs come from?¡± ¡°They were here when I was put in the cell.¡± Ash replied. ¡°No they weren¡¯t!¡± ¡°Well I don¡¯t know what to tell you. But if you¡¯re not going to let me out then I request to be moved to a different cell. This is clearly unhygienic.¡± said Ash from inside the cloud of flies. ¡°This is¡­ alright fine.¡± Soppurt unlocked the door and pulled Ash out. He marched him one space over and pushed Ash into the middle cell. ¡°Can¡¯t we go one more over?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Not my problem.¡± Soppurt said. ¡°Make friends with your new cellmate.¡± Ash turned around. Vance was lounging on a bench in the corner. ¡°Hello.¡± He waved a hand. ¡°Vance right? What are you in for?¡± Ash asked. Vance tilted his head back. ¡°Only for exercising my right of free public speech.¡± The Desk Officer crossed his arms. ¡°You and that young man from the Gambling Hall got into a shouting match in front of one of the fanciest hotels in town.¡± ¡°Officer, how could you arrest me for engaging in spirited conversation?¡± asked Vance. ¡°You called him a soul sucking, greased up, rectum puckering, boot licker.¡± said Soppurt. ¡°Since when is telling the truth a crime?¡± ¡°You insulted the man¡¯s mother for a full fifteen minutes using only the most vile language imaginable.¡± Soppurt continued. ¡°Wonderful woman, never met her of course.¡± Vance brushed some lint off of his coat. ¡°A sailor in the audience fainted. Three tourists hyperventilated. A nearby horse developed an anxiety disorder.¡± Soppurt ticked off the events on his fingers. ¡°Can you blame them for listening to the greatest orator our town has ever known.¡± Vance pinched his own chin. ¡°If anything Bede should be here with me.¡± ¡°The Scion pays to keep himself out of the Guard¡¯s eye. Maybe that¡¯s a lesson you should learn.¡± Soppurt turned and walked away. Vance jumped up and grabbed the bars of the cell. ¡°I won¡¯t pay for a privilege that should be extended to me without request. Do you hear me!?¡± Soppurt strolled away without concern. Vance leaned his back against the bars. He looked at Ash. ¡°You¡¯re a waiter aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°You were my first and only customer, but yes.¡± Ash said. ¡°Do you have any food on you?¡± Vance¡¯s stomach *Rumbled*. ¡°I¡¯ve been here since this morning and I don¡¯t think Officer Soppurt will let us out until after lunch.¡± ¡°Oh don¡¯t worry, we won''t be in this cell for much longer.¡± Ash reached out his arms and prepared to summon again. # ¡°Officer. Officer! Please come quickly. We need to be let out of the cell!¡± Ash yelled. The Desk Officer pinched the bridge of his nose. ¡°I am not even joking this time. If I have to-¡± Soppurt stopped in his tracks in front of the middle cell. ¡°By the curse of the dark eye! How did even more flies get in here?¡± he yelled. Thousands of slightly larger winged insects covered the walls and ceiling. Vance stood in shock as dozens of bugs crawled over his arms and shoulders. Ash gently batted some of the insects away from his face as he talked. ¡°Actually these are dragonflies. You can tell because they have multiple wings that don¡¯t curl over their abdomen. Dragonflies are also predatory. They eat other smaller anthropods. I can guarantee you that if you get us out of this cell your problem with these two groups of insects will resolve itself.¡± Ash put on an expectant smile. Soppurt raised an eyebrow. ¡°You didn¡¯t have anything to do with this did you?¡± Ash held up his hands. ¡°Sir, I am just as surprised as you to find out that this many insects can fit into this small of a space.¡± # ¡°How do you keep doing this? You¡¯re always finding new ways to annoy me!¡± Jack paced back and forth in the last cell. Ash stood with his back to the bars. Vance sat on a bench picking dragonflies out of his pockets. ¡°I¡¯m annoying you? You declared that I was a wanted criminal!¡± Ash spouted. ¡°Well it didn¡¯t take so you can¡¯t hold that against me.¡± Jack said. Ash clenched his fists. ¡°Listen Jack. I¡¯m trying to be reasonable. I''m trying to help.¡± ¡°So am I.¡± Jack stomped. ¡°You¡¯re only trying to help yourself.¡± ¡°So are you!¡± Jack pointed at Ash. Ash put a hand to his chest. ¡°¡°I¡¯m trying to save the Kingdom.¡± ¡°What? Do you think that you¡¯re some kind of hero now?¡± Jack chuckled. ¡°I could be a hero if I wanted to be.¡± Ash said. ¡°You¡¯re acting delusional. You¡¯ve never done anything if it didn¡¯t benefit you in some way.¡± ¡°Like you¡¯re one to talk about benefits. You''re trying to take advantage of an office you haven''t even been elected to yet.¡± ¡°I¡¯m at least trying to help Star Town. I¡¯m being responsible!¡± Ash summoned a half dozen potatoes. As they manifested he grabbed them in mid air and threw them at Jack. ¡°Then why *Pap* do you keep *Splat* trying to get me *Piff* arrested!¡± yelled Ash. Jack caught one of the potatoes and *Squished* it in his hand. ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± Jack lunged forward and grabbed Ash¡¯s sleeve. Ash slid down into a crouch. Jack pitched over and slammed into the bars of the cell. Ash seized Jack¡¯s knee and pulled the boy¡¯s leg out from underneath him. As Jack fell he caught Ash¡¯s shirt and dragged the two of them to the ground. The two boys started to wrestle again. Vance watched them. ¡°That¡¯s right. Fight!¡± *Fight* *Fight* *Fight* After a full minute the two of them were panting hard. Ash had his arm around Jack¡¯s neck. Jack had one of Ash¡¯s legs in a lock and was pinning him to the floor. ¡°Gah¡­ truce?¡± Ash wheezed. ¡°Grr¡­ truce.¡± Jack agreed. The two boys rolled off of each other and shuffled to opposite sides of the cell. Ash took a deep breath. ¡°They used him Jack. They took Luke to the Capital and made him do whatever they wanted. They used him and when he ran away to get help they sent guards to arrest him.¡± Jack closed his eyes. ¡°That, that¡¯s not what we were told. The Council wouldn¡¯t do that. Luke must have made a mistake. He must be lying about what happened.¡± ¡°Luke? Lying? Now who is acting delusional.¡± said Ash. A loose potato rolled into Ash¡¯s foot. A dragonfly landed on it. The air was filled with the sound of buzzing insects. Jack opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you ask me for help?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Ash asked. ¡°When Luke came back to Star Town. Why did you come to me for help?¡± ¡°Maybe because you made posters calling me a criminal?¡± Ash snarked. Jack looked down at him. ¡°Yeah. But you didn¡¯t know that at the time. Luke is my friend too. I would have helped him.¡± Ash looked off to the side. Jack slouched over. He hung his head between his knees. ¡°I suppose it doesn¡¯t matter now.¡± Vance hopped down off the bench and crouched next to Ash. ¡°He¡¯s right, you know. No need to dwell on old childhood rivalries. Not when there¡¯s plenty of revenge to be had in the present.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Ash looked at Vance. ¡°These bugs of yours.¡± Vance held up a dragonfly. ¡°Can you summon these anytime?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not always insects, but kinda, yes.¡± said Ash. ¡°Interesting. And if I told you I was planning a heist on the largest gambling hall in town, the Ocean¡¯s Bounty, and I could use a man of your talents, how would you react?¡± Vance tilted his head. ¡°Hey Jack want to help us rob the gambling house.¡± Ash called across the cell. ¡°Officer. Officer! They¡¯re plotting a robbery in here!¡± Jack groaned. ¡°Relax Jack. We¡¯re already in jail. We might as well become criminals to justify it.¡± said Ash. ¡°I¡¯m not going to become a criminal, I''m going to become Mayor!¡± Jack straightened his collar. ¡°That¡¯s even better. I could use someone with your political connections.¡± said Vance. Jack checked the buttons on his shirt. ¡°Ted will get me out of here. Any minute now.¡± Pull 55 Close Shaved Ice Someone pulled the bags off of Luke and Ted''s heads. ¡°Welcome to the Chapel of Divine Inspiration!¡± ¡°Oh, hello again Mr Homage.¡± said Luke. He looked around. ¡°Is this a shaved ice stand?¡± Luke and Ted were tied to two wooden chairs in the back of a storage locker. The locker was filled with large blocks of ice. Canisters of sugar water and food coloring were stacked up on a shelf by the entrance. Luke tilted his head. He could see the front counter of the shaved ice stand where a person in a bear costume served cones of shaved ice to smiling tourists. Gilt Homage was posing in front of them. He was dressed the same as last time except he now had a large apron worn over his clothes. The front of the apron was decorated with a smiling polar bear holding a snow cone and giving a thumbs up. Gilt cleared his throat. His breath came out in little frozen clouds. ¡°This is a temporary accommodation. Divine gifts take on many forms. Sometimes one has to take the time necessary to interpret the Gods¡¯ true blessings.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°So you¡¯ve been sleeping in a walk-in freezer as a kind of meditation?¡± Gilt kicked a pillow and bedroll into a corner and out of sight. ¡°No.¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°Hey, I get it. We didn¡¯t have lodging when we arrived in town either. I¡¯m sleeping in the pantry of a local restaurant.¡± Ted looked at Luke. ¡°Really? Oh Luke.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not so bad. The chickens barely keep me up at night.¡± said Luke. Gilt leaned over and embraced Luke¡¯s head in a waaay to friendly gesture. ¡°What decadence. What cruelty. To have a man of your talents hidden away. This town truly is an affront to the compassion of the Gods.¡± He stroked Luke¡¯s hair. ¡°They sit up there in their Gambling Halls pretending like they¡¯re better than the rest of us. Using their summons to manifest all kinds of needless tchotchkes. As if they had any insight into the will of the Gods. They¡¯re just taking advantage of the ignorant masses.¡± ¡°Is that why you kidnapped us?¡± Luke asked. Gilt Homage jumped back in shock. ¡°Nonsense. I didn¡¯t kidnap you. I rescued you.¡± Luke tested the ropes binding him to the wooden chair. ¡°Uh huh. And what about Ted?¡± ¡°My associates were overly enthusiastic.¡± ¡°Did you let them kidnap you Ted?¡± Luke asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to be difficult.¡± said Ted. Gilt paced in front of Luke. ¡°You are a pearl my child. Unfit for wallowing in common silt. When I saw you save that boy in the street I knew that you were the chosen one. I know it more surely than I have known anything in my life. The Gods have chosen you Belt Trousers.¡± ¡°No thank you.¡± said Luke. ¡°Did he call you belt trousers?¡± asked Ted. ¡°It was a short-lived alias.¡± said Luke. ¡°You are kind, noble, and capable of summoning the most spectacular results. You are the perfect combination.¡± said Gilt. ¡°No thank you.¡± said Luke again. ¡°You cannot refuse. It is your destiny.¡± ¡°No thank yo-¡± ¡°Gilt! We need more ice out here.¡± One of the people wearing a polar bear costume out front yelled back into the storage locker. ¡°Excuse me for one moment.¡± said Gilt. Gilt turned around. He unsheathed his sword, Ahurfrost the Ice Blade, Winter¡¯s Sting, the Bane of Summer¡¯s wind, and used it to create some ice on a tray. ¡°Thanks Gilt.¡± The person in a bear costume took the tray and turned back to the front of the stand. ¡°We need a refill on cherry flavor.¡± said another bear. ¡°I¡¯m coming.¡± Gilt picked up a large bottle of sugar water. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a moment.¡± he said to Luke, then walked out to the front counter. ¡°Who is this guy?¡± Ted asked. ¡°Oh Gilt? We met him in the woods right after we left Star Town. He robbed us, took our horses, and then we crushed him with a statue.¡± said Luke. Ted blinked a few times. Luke continued. ¡°He has some silly notion about being chosen by the gods that he appears to have passed on to me. It¡¯s very inconvenient really.¡± Luke tested his bonds again. ¡°Wait. Are these people Paladins?¡± asked Ted. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. ¡°Gilt is, yes. He was very vocal about that the last time we met. I¡¯m not sure about the other bears.¡± said Luke. Ted frowned. ¡°That changes things.¡± Gilt walked back into the walk-in freezer. ¡°Sorry about that. There are a lot of tourists in town these days. I¡¯m almost ashamed of how much money we¡¯re making. Capitalism is borderline profane as far as I am concerned. What¡¯s the point of wealth if it¡¯s not derived from the Gods? But Peppermint had this idea so here we are.¡± Gilt wiped his hands on his apron. ¡°Anyway Chosen one, let¡¯s get back to planning out your inevitable future as the leader of our order.¡± ¡°Hey! Ice peddler. You need to let us go right now.¡± Ted¡¯s voice dropped. ¡°Excuse me. I am talking to the chosen one. You will have to wait your turn.¡± said Gilt. Ted let out a long breath. ¡°Paladins¡­¡± Ted leaned over slightly, then rocked back on his chair. The front legs lifted up. Just before he fell backwards he pitched forward again. The movement rocked him in the opposite direction and he was able to hop onto his feet. His back was still tied behind him but now the legs of the chair were jutting out into the air as he squatted on the ground. Ted crouched and then leapt up and back. He would have landed right on his ass, but the chair was in the way. As the wooden legs hit the floor at an angle they buckled. *Ka-snap* The entire frame of the chair folded in half and splintered under Ted¡¯s full weight. Ted slammed into the ground and rolled onto his shoulder. He stretched his arms out over his head, braced himself against the floor, and kip-upped back into a standing position. Without the chair to hold them the ropes that were binding him fell into a puddle at his feet. Gilt sputtered. ¡°Hey! Stop that! Now I¡¯m going to have to get more chair donations.¡± Luke¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°That was incredible Ted. Here let me try.¡± Luke imitated Ted¡¯s movements. In a few seconds he was standing in a pile of wooden splinters and rope. ¡°It worked.¡± He said. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here.¡± Ted pointed to the door. Gilt put a hand on his hip. ¡°Not so fas-hmph!¡± Ted¡¯s huge hand palmed Gilt¡¯s entire head like a basketball. Ted used his hips to rotate Gilt out of the way. Ted spotted an empty five liter food coloring bucket, picked it up, and stuffed Gilt¡¯s head into it. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± Ted said. He walked out of the storage locker. Gilt flailed around trying to get the bucket off of his head. ¡°It was nice seeing you again Mr Homage. But I have no interest in being your chosen one.¡± Luke walked out after him. ¡°Luke! What tha elephant turds are you doing back there?¡± Cophin yelled from the counter of the shaved ice stand. The skinny chef was seated at the front counter on a wooden stool. He held a half eaten red colored shaved ice in his hand. ¡°Sorry that¡¯s my boss. I gotta go.¡± Luke said. ¡°Chef Cophin. I was just introducing Ted to someone that I met on the journey to Kaseihgaeu. What are you doing here?¡± ¡°Well I was trying to enjoy my time before tha dinner rush with the only simple and pure snack food in existence. Hey, what were you doing in tha back? You don¡¯t work here do you?¡± Cophin looked the tiniest bit hurt. ¡°No, no. We were just leaving.¡± said Luke. ¡°Not so fast Chosen One!¡± Gilt shouted. The Paladin leapt up on top of the Shaved Ice Stand. Blue food coloring ran down his face and dripped off of his chin. He held Ahurfrost in one hand and a long rope in the other. ¡°You cannot deny your uniquity. Behold!¡± Gilt pulled the rope. There was a wagon parked next to the stand with a large sheet covering something in the back. The rope pulled the sheet loose. The covering fell away revealing the statue of Eictor. Everyone in the marketplace turned to look. ¡°Oooh.¡± ¡°Aaah.¡± ¡°Impressive.¡± ¡°Very nice.¡± Several tourists took turns admiring the work. ¡°Do you see? You are the Chosen One. The Gods have favored you. Belt Trousers! You will be our glorious leader!¡± Gilt shouted down. ¡°No thank you.¡± Luke shouted up. ¡°What happened to its nose?¡± Ted looked at the statue. Gilt climbed down off the roof. He stalked towards Luke with his magic sword drawn. ¡°Now see here. You will do as I say and lead us. Otherwise I will have to-¡± Cophin nudged a wooden stool in front of Gilt with his toe. The edge of the stool hit Gilt right between his thighs and took him by surprise. ¡°Huhhgg!¡± Gilt grabbed his groin. He collapsed like a bag of wet hammers. Ahurfrost hit the ground once and bounced. Cophin caught the blade with the tip of his toe, kicked it into the air, and caught it with his free hand. ¡°You should be careful with this. Magic weapons are rare.¡± Cophin took another big bite out of his shaved ice. The person wearing a bear costume that was standing behind the counter pointed at Cophin. ¡°Hey! That belongs to our-¡± ¡°Here you go!¡± Cophin tossed the sword over the counter. The wear bear scrambled to catch it with both hands. The front counter worker looked at the sword in their hands, then back at Cophin, then at the rest of the bears that were working the shaved ice stand. There were four of them in total. Three of them were wearing friendly polar bear costumes with googly eyes and big smiles on the head part. The fourth was wearing a grizzly bear costume with uncomfortably realistic claws and teeth and a paisley scarf tied around its neck. ¡°What should we do?¡± The counter bear looked around. ¡°Gilt wanted us to capture them. But¡­¡± Gilt *Groaned* from his place on the ground. Cophin used his thumbs to crack the knuckles of his left hand. *Crick*Crick*Crack*Pop* ¡°Don¡¯t let me distract you. If you want to take a swing with your fancy new sword, go ahead.¡± He stared at one of the bear costumed servers. The server flinched. They quickly looked back to make sure their friends were still standing behind them. When they looked back Cophin had an ice pick in his hands. ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± Cophin used the ice pick to poke a hole in the bottom of the paper cone in his hands. Red liquid spurted out of the hole. Cophin held the paper up to his lips, sucked the cone dry, then slammed it down onto the counter. With a final twist he *Stabbed* the paper with the ice pick, embedding it in the wooden counter. All of the servers in bear costumes took a step back. Except for the paisley bear. That bear remained perfectly still. Cophin watched the paisley bear out of the corner of his eye. Luke leaned over and picked Gilt up off of the ground. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for any trouble that I might have caused you Chef.¡± He seated Gilt on a stool at the counter. ¡°Gilt and his friends are a little over enthusiastic. We¡¯ll be leaving soon, but before we go Gilt said something about saving someone. Which made me wonder, do any of you have any first aid training?¡± Luke asked the bears. The three polar bears shrugged. The paisley bear remained motionless. Luke nodded to himself. ¡°That¡¯s what I thought. Here, let me give you a few quick demonstrations in case something ever happens in an emergency. Ted will you help me?¡± ¡°You want me to help them? These people are idiots.¡± Ted crossed his arms. ¡°No. I want you to help me.¡± Luke said. ¡°Ugh. Fine. Just this once.¡± said Ted. ¡°Great. Now who here knows how to perform an abdominal thrust?¡± # The cold eyes of a Llama watched them from an alleyway. Pull 56 Nothing on Earth can stop me from introducing more characters ¡°I couldn''t help but notice that we are not walking back to the marketplace." Said Eins. ¡°I have one little thing that I need to take care of. It will be real quick.¡± Tasha tugged on her cloche. She carried Eins in her arms as they walked down the street. ¡°Are we going back to your crime guild?¡± asked Eins. ¡°It''s a legitimate guild. But no. But yes. But only for a moment. But not because I want to.¡± said Tasha. ¡°Huh?¡± Eins wiggled its ears. ¡°I''m only going to the meeting so I can tell them I''m not going to any more meetings. I''m not joining the heist. I''m only staying in town until my carriage is fixed.¡± ¡°What if we see that handsome man in the revealing shirt again?¡± ¡°We won''t. He hates getting out of bed early in the morning.¡± said Tasha. Eins nodded sagely. # *Knock*Knock* Meeker opened the door to his apartment. ¡°There you are. Come in, hurry, be quiet, take your shoes off.¡± Tasha stepped inside the entryway. ¡°Listen I¡¯m not staying long I just wanted to say¡­ why are there so many teacups in your apartment?¡± Tasha looked around the room. Teacups, kettles, saucers covered every flat surface. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. Also what is that?¡± Meeker pointed down. Eins was in Tasha¡¯s arms. Tasha pursed her lips. ¡°Mascot?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not going to bark is it? I told you to be quiet.¡± ¡°No. He¡¯s very well behaved.¡± ¡°Fine. Whatever. Get inside. I have more crew members coming.¡± Meeker shooed her away from the door. ¡°But I¡¯m not-¡± ¡°Tasha! There you are.¡± Nick poked his head around the corner. ¡°I was hoping that you would show up.¡± ¡°Nick, it''s nice to see you too.¡± Tasha shuffled towards the living room. Nick held up a piece of paper. ¡°Can you help me? I¡¯m trying to fill out my specializations and I kind of, don¡¯t have¡­ many.¡± The young boy blushed. ¡°I was¡­ alright. What have you got?¡± Tasha followed Nick into the living room. There was a table in the center of the room with a few stools placed around it in a circle. The Peach Basket Bandit was already sitting on one. A gruff man with thick arms wearing a breton hat was leaning back on another. Teacups decorated the entirety of this room as well. Nick sat down at the table and pulled a pencil out from behind his ear. He started tapping the pencil on the paper in his hand. ¡°So I still don¡¯t really have a specialization yet. I was thinking about bunko booking, but that requires seed money. Then I remembered that you were a lockpick and I thought, that sounds cool, but I don¡¯t have any tools. That was when he suggested intimidation tactics.¡± Nick pointed across the table at the Breton Bully. The Breton Bully put one of his legs up on an empty stool. He had wide shoulders, a wide neck, and a wide jaw. His muscles were corded like hemp rope and visible beneath his tight striped shirt. A sleeve tattoo of colorful interlocking fish and birds ran up his left arm. ¡°That¡¯s right. Intimidation¡¯s ah man¡¯s game. Hard work, but rewarding. You don¡¯t need to sneak around in the night. When the Guards see you coming, they run the other way.¡± he grinned. ¡°I see.¡± Nick scribbled down notes on his page. The Breton Bully cracked his knuckles. ¡°Intimidation¡¯s ah ripe field my boy. You can always scare ah mark out of their bloomers. After all, what''s the harm? Everyone can always summon more if they really need to. Intimidations ah great field for travel too. You can put ah little fear into someone no matter the time or place. Second story work can only be done in ah larger town, with bigger houses, like here, or maybe the Capital.¡± You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. ¡°Uh huh.¡± Tasha sat down at the table. ¡°Something to say fancy fingers?¡± The Breton Bully raised an eyebrow. Tasha shrugged. ¡°No nothing. Intimidation is certainly an option.¡± The larger man *Sniffed* ¡°It¡¯s true. Not everyone has the stomach for it. Some people are just too delicate. They don¡¯t have the natural stamina.¡± He looked down at Eins. ¡°They like to talk big. But their bark is worse than their bite. And a dog can¡¯t stand up to a wolf.¡± Eins wiggled its ears in anger. Tasha cleared her throat. She patted Eins on the head. ¡°Intimidation never gets you what you want. Only what your mark has on them at that moment. So your hands always wind up covered in pocket lint.¡± The Breton Bully straightened up at the table. ¡°People respect the work that I do.¡± ¡°Fear isn¡¯t the same as respect. Even a dog knows that.¡± said Tasha. Eins wiggled its nose at the bully. Nick was hunched down at the edge of the table. His eyes were wide. He nervously turned to the Peach Basket Bandit. ¡°So, anyway, what is that you specialize in?¡± he asked her. The Peach Basket Bandit sucked her teeth. ¡°I specialize in infiltration. It¡¯s a dangerous field, maybe not your thing little boy. But a cute one like yourself could probably play the pillow games.¡± She looked Nick up and down. Nick readied his pencil. ¡°The pillow games? What¡¯s that?¡± Tasha threw an arm in front of Nick. ¡°Nick I-¡± ¡°Alright everyone, quiet down.¡± Meeker strode into the living room. We¡¯re here to go over the plan. Meeker seated himself at the table in the living room. A woman wearing a deerstalker hat followed him in from the front and sat down beside him. Meeker tipped his panama to the others at the table. ¡°Justice and Nescience.¡± ¡°Justice and Nescience.¡± The others at the table said back. ¡°Now let¡¯s get down to business. I have a lot of other meetings today. I¡¯m going to be handing out assignments.¡± He looked over at Nick. ¡°So make sure that you have your work experience and certifications filled out.¡± Nick *Gulped*. Meeker continued. ¡°Our target is the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. I¡¯ve been working on this heist for over a year.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a long time.¡± The Peach Basket Bandit chewed a fingernail. ¡°The Ocean¡¯s Bounty is one of the wealthiest and most heavily guarded Gambling Halls in the Four Kingdoms. A plan like this requires cunning. I had to find the perfect moment. *Dramatic Pause* And I have.¡± Meeker spread a large roll of paper on the table. The paper displayed a detailed floor plan of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. ¡°In ten days the Ocean¡¯s Bounty will host the largest banner event in the world.¡± ¡°The Hundred Aught Hundred Ought?¡± Nick asked. Meeker nodded. ¡°That¡¯s the one. One hundred participants, each trying to summon the most spectacular novelties you can imagine. And the last one standing walks away with one hundred prizes.¡± ¡°Excuse me-¡± Tasha said. ¡°Five rounds of elimination over three days. Hundreds of prizes summoned in the main event and the satellite events.¡± ¡°Pardon the interruption but-¡± Tasha held up a hand. ¡°That means that all of those prizes have to be stashed away. And they will be. Inside this¡­¡± ¡°Meeker, I wanted to say-¡± Meeker unrolled a new sheet of paper on the table. He had to push aside several teapots. An elaborate blueprint of a vault was drawn on it. ¡°It''s one of the most complicated security systems in the entire kingdom.¡± Meeker said. Tasha went quiet. She leaned over the table until she was almost perpendicular with the drawing. Her eyes were filled with intense concentration. ¡°Sorry. Did you want to say something?¡± asked Meeker. ¡°How many tumblers?¡± Tasha said. ¡°At least seven. But that¡¯s only on the primary lock.¡± ¡°Redundant locks and combinations, very nice¡­¡± Tasha¡¯s eyes daringly darted over the detailed diagram. ¡°While everyone else is upstairs watching the final round, we will be downstairs stealing all of the other summoned prizes. This will be the greatest heist the Kingdom has ever seen.¡± Meeker¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°And nobody¡¯s going to notice us walking out with armfuls of loot?¡± The Peach Basket Bandit asked. Meeker waved a hand dismissively. ¡°The hall will be full of tourists. Security will be stretched thin. And I have a plan. You will be divided into teams¡­¡± Meeker rambled. Tasha studied the plans. Eins *Whined* as the dog was crushed between Tasha and the table. Tasha hopped back. ¡°Ah, sorry Eins.¡± ¡°Wow! This sure is impressive. I can¡¯t wait to be a part of this heist. What about you Tasha?¡± said Nick. ¡°Huh? Oh yeah, it¡¯s great. But¡­¡± Tasha tapped her nails on the table. ¡°I¡¯m not going to be a part of it.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not?¡± ¡°No. As interesting as it is, I already have too many distractions.¡± *Knock*Knock* Everyone looked over at the door. Tasha looked at Nick. ¡°Is your mentor coming today?¡± ¡°No. He said he doesn¡¯t like getting up early.¡± The front door opened. ¡°Hello everyone! Tell me how much all of you have missed me.¡± Jonathan Reference said as he paraded into the room. Pull 57 ¡°There¡¯s something different about you Ave.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure I don¡¯t know what you mean.¡± Platina and Ave walked side by side through the maze of tunnels underneath the Ocean¡¯s Bounty Gambling Hall. An assortment of soldiers and porters moved to get out of their way as they walked past. Platina studied the shorter girl. ¡°Like that. You talked back to me just now.¡± ¡°No I didn¡¯t.¡± said Ave. ¡°And your skin looks so much better recently.¡± Ave absentmindedly rubbed her face. ¡°This? This is nothing.¡± Platina clapped her hands. ¡°Oh my moons! Ave, have you started to care about your appearance?¡± ¡°No. This is just some sun cream.¡± said Ave. ¡°It¡¯s happening. My sweet little bud is finally ready to blossom into a beautiful flower.¡± Platina gripped Ave¡¯s shoulders. Ave flexed but didn¡¯t break free from Platina¡¯s grip. ¡°No. Nothing is different. I¡¯m the same person I¡¯ve always been. I¡¯m keeping my head down and doing my job. But I¡¯m¡­ doing it better now. That¡¯s all.¡± said Ave. Platina let go. ¡°If you say so. I wish my job was so easy. Then there¡¯s this woman, the head of the Hall security, she¡¯s a real urgent urchin that one. Constantly getting in my way. I keep having to rearrange the patrols. Uuugh, I didn''t take this promotion to lead. I took it to command. Organizing people is such a chore. That''s what Le Tenats are for.¡± ¡°Couldn¡¯t you let the local Guards handle security while the Councilor is in the city?¡± ¡°No! We¡¯re the Capital Guard. We have authority when it comes to the Councilor¡¯s security detail.¡± puffed Platina. Ave looked momentarily confused. ¡°No you don¡¯t.¡± Platina smiled. ¡°I know. Normally it would be the Mayor and the head of the Local Guard that would have authority. But guess what? This town doesn¡¯t have a Mayor!¡± The Dour Auxiliary walked up to Platina in the hallway. The man had a hunched posture and bags under his eyes. He had a sharp nose and a widow¡¯s peak. His dark crimson hair shot back from his head like the crest of a bird. While he wore the uniform of a Capital Guard there was no badge on his breastplate. ¡°I have those patrol routes for you Sir.¡± The Dour Auxiliary held out a sheet of paper to Platina. ¡°About time Nevre." Platina slapped the document out of the man''s hand. ¡°Now get me a coffee.¡± Platina shoved past the willowy man. ¡°Uuuh, yes sir¡­¡± Nevre dejectedly fell backwards and rolled down the hallway until he was out of sight. ¡°All the resources of the Capital and this is the best you''re able to field." The Inflexible Bouncer walked around the corner. Her suit was freshly pressed and her dress shoes were shiny with polish. Two additional bouncers followed behind her. She held a strawberry, banana, blueberry, mango, yogurt, mint, and vanilla smoothie in a glass with a bendy straw in one hand. The Inflexible Bouncer took a long *Siiip* "What a shame Platina. This is why Kaseihgaeu has no need for government escorts." "Why if it isn''t the head of security herself, Angel. I was looking over the patrol details now. Tell me do you pay your people extra to step all over my toes?" Platina smirked. *Sluuurp* ¡°I¡¯m merely making sure that you¡¯re not wasting tax penders on unnecessary activities.¡± Angel quipped. "My soldiers serve with honor and distinction as befitting of loyal servants of the crown!" "Your latte Sir." Nevre waddled up to Platina and presented her with a tea cup and saucer filled with steaming coffee. Platina took the coffee cup, hammered it back, then *Smashed* it on the ground. "Too much foam!" She shouted. "Understood sir." Nevre scooped up the pieces of broken cup, then tucked and rolled away from the conversation. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. # Ave had kept walking. She strolled right past Angel and the other bouncers and kept going until she was around the corner. She paused to watch dozens of servers, porters, and stewards running through the back halls of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Ave nervously tapped the metal case with a finger. ¡°If I could only find out which way I needed to go.¡± ¡°What are you looking for?¡± ¡°The vault.¡± ¡°I know the way.¡± Ave turned. There was a large cat watching Ave from the top of a rolling rack. You could say that the cat was grinning at her. But the nature of a grin is based on the human perception of a mouth being open to expose teeth in a cheerful manner. And this cat had far too many teeth to be considered cheerful. ¡°Are you with the Llama?¡± The cat asked. Ave looked over her shoulders. ¡°I¡¯m not with anyone. Did you say a llama? I¡¯m not sure that I know what that is. Care to explain?¡± ¡°A large camelid. Herd animal. Has a long neck and a thick wool that covers most of its body.¡± The cat explained. ¡°Is it like a horse?¡± Ave asked. The cat pulled a loaf of rye bread off of the rolling rack and bit a semicircular chunk out of it. ¡°Something like that.¡± It mumbled. ¡°Then no. I don¡¯t have a horse.¡± said Ave. ¡°Hmmm, then you must be with the dog.¡± ¡°Did you say a dog? I¡¯m not sure that I know what that is. Care to explain?¡± ¡°That was a terrible lie.¡± ¡°It was a question, not a lie.¡± The cat swallowed the rest of the loaf. Then it hopped down off of the rolling rack and pranced its way over to Ave. It rubbed itself against Ave¡¯s leg. Ave had to brace herself against the cat¡¯s weight. ¡°You don¡¯t seem surprised to hear me talk.¡± ¡°Should I be-¡± Ave dropped to her knees. She faced the cat. ¡°Before we go any further. Can I pet you?¡± ¡°What?¡± The cat twitched its whiskers. ¡°This is the most important thing in the world to me at this exact moment. Can I pet you?¡± Ave leaned in closer. ¡°You stupid human. I don¡¯t care what you do.¡± The cat turned its head to the side. Ave pounced. She reached out and started scritching the cat behind the ears. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± ¡°Zestal.¡± The cat purred. ¡°Are cats supposed to eat that much bread?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a real cat.¡± ¡°Do you belong to Lady House?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a cat. I belong to no one.¡± Zestal leaned into Ave¡¯s hand ever so slightly. ¡°I thought you said you weren¡¯t a cat.¡± ¡°Grrr¡­ that¡¯s enough!¡± Zestal swatted Ave¡¯s hands away with a paw. Ave stood up. ¡°You¡¯re right. I¡¯m in a hurry. We should get going. Should I carry you?¡± ¡°Carry me why?¡± Zestal asked. ¡°Because you¡¯re going to show me the way to the vault.¡± # Ave walked down a hallway in the hotel section of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. The floors were carpeted with images of splashing dolphins. The suites had names like ¡®The Mermaid¡¯s Treasure¡¯ and ¡®The Walruses¡¯ Grotto¡¯. Ave had Zestal wrapped over her shoulders. The sheer size of the cat meant that it was like walking with a fur covered inner tube hanging around her neck. Zestal made no attempt to distribute its weight evenly. The cat¡¯s head was propped up on Ave¡¯s right shoulder. Ave rolled her shoulders to try and find a comfortable position. ¡°Where is your tail?¡± she asked. ¡°Don¡¯t you worry about that.¡± Zestal purred. Ave tried desperately to get some cat hair off of her tongue. ¡°Take a left here.¡± Zestal said to Ave. They passed a food cart that was sitting unattended in the hallway. ¡°Grab me that fruit pie.¡± Zestal pointed a claw at a dish lying on the cart. ¡°Are you sure? Its got a bite taken out of it?¡± Zestal brought her teeth right next to Ave¡¯s ear. ¡°Did I stutter?¡± Ave picked up the fruit pie in her left hand. She lifted the pie to her shoulder. Zestal¡¯s head snapped forward. In an instant the cat¡¯s jaws consumed the pie and wrapped around Ave¡¯s hand at the wrist. Ave held her hand perfectly still. Zestal¡¯s eyes glittered. The cat''s teeth sank in almost to the point of drawing blood. Ave took an even breath. She looked Zestal in the eyes. ¡°No¡­ bad kitty.¡± Zestal¡¯s lips slowly parted. The pie was gone. Ave withdrew her sticky hand. ¡°Meowh, meowh, meowh.¡± Zestal chuckled. ¡°Only a joke. You¡¯re not afraid of me?¡± ¡°I am.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t show it.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t.¡± ¡°How do you know that I¡¯m not a monster? I could be luring you into a trap. Taking you to a dead end where I can devour your skin and bones without anyone watching.¡± The cat purred. ¡°I¡¯ve seen you eat. You don¡¯t hold back when you actually want to consume something.¡± ¡°Meowh, meowh, that¡¯s right.¡± Zestal licked its lips. ¡°I think I might like you Ave. I¡¯ll be sure to eat you last.¡± # Ave and Zestal made their way into the high roller area of the Gambling Hall. Occasionally a server would give them a strange look as they passed. Ave kept walking and looking straight ahead. ¡°This is the place.¡± said Zestal. Ave and the cat stood in front of a massive set of double doors. The door¡¯s handles were inlaid with mother of pearl and shaped like curled eels. Ave set her mouth in a tight line and gripped the handles of the door. ¡°Okay.¡± She opened the door. In a large, lavishly furnished meeting room Lady House, Councilor A, and Mayor Letterman, surrounded by their attendants and guards, turned to watch Ave open the door. ¡°This should be fun.¡± Zestal purred from Ave¡¯s shoulder. Pull 58 Everyone turned to look at Ave as she entered the meeting room. Ave stood still. The only movement on her body was Zestal twitching its whiskers from her shoulder. ¡°Who is that?¡± Lady House asked icily. ¡°I think that¡¯s a cat.¡± Mayor Letterman offered. ¡°Not that. The person under the cat.¡± said House. ¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t see her. I don¡¯t know.¡± said Letterman. ¡°I think that¡¯s my adjutant.¡± said Councilor A. ¡°What are you doing here? I don¡¯t remember giving you any orders.¡± Ave waited a half second. Then she slowly walked forward to the Councilor¡¯s chair. No one made any move to stop her. When she was a half meter away from the Councilor she bent at the waist and held out the metal briefcase she was holding. The Councilor¡¯s eyes popped in surprise. ¡°Oh yes. My briefcase. I was just about to send for that.¡± He took the case. ¡°That will be all. You can go now.¡± He waved a hand. The three very important persons were seated around a very important looking table in the center of the room. Lady House and Councilor A were seated across from one another on the long sides of the table. Mayor Letterman was seated on the short end facing the door. A miniature model version of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty was displayed in the center of the table. It was complete with tiny toy tourists and rolling diecast carriages. A line of a dozen Guards stood behind Councilor A in a semicircle with Platina standing directly behind him. A line of a dozen bouncers were standing behind Lady House in a half oval with Angel taking position next to her chair. Mayor Letterman was seated quietly in the middle. Ave took a step back so that she was standing next to Platina. Platina whispered. Ave replied. # ¡°As you can see the majority of our event revenue comes from a relatively small selection of big spenders.¡± said Lady House. ¡°That¡¯s very impressive.¡± said Mayor Letterman. ¡°They must have a whale of a time at your gambling Hall.¡± Chuckled Councilor A. ¡°Their enjoyment is irrelevant. Only their attendance is necessary.¡± Lady House shuffled a stack of papers in front of her. Mayor Letterman searched through a pile of papers in front of him. ¡°And where you find these, spig benders, I mean, big spenders?¡± ¡°They find themselves.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± The Mayor had a hard time hiding his confusion. ¡°The largest gamblers at the top require a population of other competitive players below them. These competitive players require another larger group of long term but not as competitive players below them. On and on, below each group until you reach the single attendance tourists.¡± Lady House stacked some of the figurines on top of each other. ¡°It¡¯s a lot like a pyramid.¡± said Councilor A. ¡°It¡¯s exactly like a pyramid.¡± said Lady House. She flicked the figurines with a manicured fingernail. They tumbled down and scattered across the table. ¡°No one wants to be a casual tourist. And everyone wants to be a big winner. So they pay to enter our events for the chance at winning a big prize.¡± ¡°It certainly is a, bold marketing tactic.¡± Mayor Letterman said. Councilor A slapped his knee. ¡°It¡¯s fantastic! They come here even though they could just as easily summon the thing they wanted at home.¡± Lady House¡¯s voice was like morning frost. ¡°No. They could never get this anywhere else.¡± She traced a finger over the top of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty model. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Mayor Letterman swallowed. ¡°And what do you charge for that?¡± ¡°Whatever we want.¡± Mayor Letterman opened his mouth, then shut it. *Knock*Knock* ¡°Excuse me.¡± Rosy stuck her head into the room. Everyone turned to look at her. ¡°I was just looking for, there he is!¡± Rosy noticed Councilor A. She slipped into the room and shut the door behind her. Rosy speed walked over to Councilor A. She was wearing a simple blue sundress and sandals. She held a parasol in one hand and there was a bandana loosely tied around her neck. On top of this she was still wearing her longsword and shoulder harness. *Zestal Tensed* Councilor A looked annoyed. ¡°Do I know you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Rosy. I¡¯m an Adventurer.¡± said Rosy. ¡°You¡¯re not dressed like an Adventurer.¡± Councilor A eyed the sword. ¡°I was fired.¡± ¡°Oh yes. That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°And while we¡¯re on the subject I need you to sign this.¡± Rosy produced a small receipt and placed it on the table in front of Councilor A. She made sure to politely move some of the miniature tourist figurines out of the way so her sword wouldn¡¯t tip them over. Councilor A looked over the receipt. ¡°Let¡¯s see, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm. Services rendered. Hmmm, hmmm. I see. Hold on, let me get a pen.¡± Councilor A leaned over and pulled his briefcase into his lap. He pointed the briefcase so that the flat side was facing him and his thumb was pressed into the top. Ave leaned over ever so slightly. Platina whispered. Ave whispered back. Rosy waved at Ave. Zestal asked. Ave replied. The cat tilted its head. The Councilor leaned in close to the metal frame of the briefcase. He whispered something into the case. *Be-Beep*Click* The case opened. The Councilor pulled a fountain pen out of the top and then snapped the case shut again. Ave leaned back into position. Lady House was staring directly at her. ¡°And what do you think?¡± Lady House said. Councilor A had to pause for a moment as he realized that she was talking to the guardswoman standing behind him. ¡°Are you impressed with our operation?¡± Lady House directed her question at Ave. Councilor A started writing on the receipt. ¡°Don¡¯t bother. The Capital Guard is trained to follow orders. Not to offer opinions-¡± ¡°I think people should be responsible for their own money.¡± said Ave. Councilor A frowned but didn¡¯t look up. Ave¡¯s voice was level. ¡°It¡¯s up to the individual to make sure that they¡¯re not making a bet that they can¡¯t afford to lose.¡± ¡°So the responsibility is on the player, not the house?¡± Mayor Letterman rubbed his chin. ¡°However, if you claim to offer a form of entertainment, then you should be prepared for the consequences when people learn that the real ¡®game¡¯ is letting the wealthy watch them lose.¡± said Ave. Lady House reclined back into her finely upholstered seat. She pushed a single errant strand of hair away from her face. ¡°I think you mean, If.¡± Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s not ¡®when¡¯ people learn that they¡¯re the game. It¡¯s ¡®If¡¯ people learn that they¡¯re the game. I¡¯ve been at this for decades. And from what I¡¯ve seen, most of them don¡¯t even care.¡± *Knock*Knock*Knock* ¡°What is it now?¡± Lady House sighed. ¡°Who is letting people into our private meeting?¡± Councilor A put away his pen. ¡°I¡¯ll find out sir!¡± Angel shouted. ¡°No! I will!¡± Platina shouted. Three doors on three separate sides of the room opened at the same time. Three messengers entered the room from three different directions. They hurriedly approached the center and spoke to the three heads of state. Zestal slouched down off of Ave¡¯s shoulder. The cat scampered across the room and leapt up onto Lady House¡¯s outstretched arm with a quick jump. As the cat curled around her shoulders it sank back into the older woman¡¯s hair and disappeared. Mayor Letterman stood up. ¡°I¡¯m very sorry. I have someone, er, something I need to attend to. Excuse me.¡± ¡°I also need to deal with a small matter.¡± Lady House rose from her seat. ¡°We seem to have had a conference call.¡± Councilor A chuckled to himself. ¡°I also need to look into something. Shall we reconvene at a later time?¡± Mayor Letterman shoved his arms into his suit jacket. ¡°Yes. Of course. I¡¯ll be gone for exactly an hour. I promise. I¡¯ll see you soon.¡± He power walked out the door. The three very important persons all stood up from the table in the center of the room and started walking to the exits. Lady House paused next to Councilor A. ¡°Who was that girl?¡± she asked. ¡°Which girl? The Adventurer?¡± he looked back around. ¡°No. The other one. Your adjutant.¡± ¡°Oh, right my adjutant. Her name is, uh¡­ hmmm¡­¡± Councilor A looked at the ceiling. ¡°This is quite embarrassing. Uh, hmmm, where did she go?¡± Pull 59 *Slam* Teacups rattled in their saucers as Jonathan shut the door to Meeker¡¯s apartment behind him. Meeker hissed through his teeth. Jonathan Reference didn¡¯t break stride as he entered the apartment¡¯s living room. ¡°There I was trying to get my beauty rest when a fight broke out in the marketplace. I hate it when people can¡¯t resolve their differences elegantly. I just hate it.¡± Jonathan made a show of walking around the dining table so that everyone in the room could hear him speak. ¡°And as I lay there on my futon I found myself filled with inconsolable frustration. I knew that if I went back to sleep my tainted emotions would poison my dreams.¡± Jonathan pulled off a scarf he was wearing, looked for a place to hang it up, didn¡¯t find one, and then threw it haphazardly over a chair. ¡°I am someone that believes in the power of dreams. Not in a prophetic way of course. That would be illogical. I am someone that always tries to be logical. Logic is the root of reason and reason is the soul of passion. Rather, I believe in the emotional power of dreams, in their ability to show us our deepest desires and clearest truths.¡± Jonathan pulled out a chair for the table in the middle of the room. He pulled too wide and hit a bookshelf behind him. More teacups stacked on the bookshelf rattled with the shock. Meeker ran over and steadied the shelf. Jonathan didn¡¯t notice. ¡°That is why I make sure to get plenty of sleep. Eight hours a night is an ideal amount. Sometimes I get less and only sleep for seven hours. Sometimes I get more and will sleep for nine. The variation isn¡¯t important at all, what is important is that I leave plenty of time in my life for dreams. That way when I wake up I don¡¯t have to waste any time on dreaming or imagination. All of my dreams have been had while I was in bed and when I am awake I can fully dedicate myself to action.¡± Jonathan kicked a foot up and placed it on a nearby ottoman. His heel shoved another tea set to the side. Meeker dived over to rescue the tea set before it hit the floor. Jonathan put his hands on his hips. His shirt was a size too small and stretched across his defined pectoral muscles. He flashed the room a bright white smile. ¡°And I am nothing, if not a man of action.¡± He said. ¡°Mr Reference I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re here. I had some questions I wanted to ask you.¡± Nick scooched his chair closer to Jonathan. ¡°Of course Nick, my gentleman in training. I am at your disposal. I am a well of knowledge. So grab a bucket and drink of me as much as you like. And speaking of drinking...¡± Jonathan leaned over and pulled the tea set out of Meeker¡¯s hands. He slid it onto the middle of the table. Jonathan reached into his loose jacket and pulled out a green summoning gemstone. He rolled the gem across the tops of his knuckles and then flicked it into the air with his thumb. As the gem fell he popped the top off of the tea kettle with one hand and pointed a finger-gun at the falling gem with the other. Right before the gem hit the tea kettle it turned into a magic circle and filled the kettle with a steaming mix of tea. Almost everyone around the table applauded the display. Jonathan smiled. Meeker sighed and sat back down. ¡°Anyway Mr Reference I was wondering-¡± Jonathan held up a hand. ¡°Pause, pause, pause. Who is this?¡± He pointed at Tasha sitting across from him. Tasha had pulled up her shirt so that it was hiding her chin. In addition to that she had placed Eins on top of her head and buttoned her jacket around the dog¡¯s neck. Eins¡¯ furry snout covered most of her face. Tasha looked out between the edges of her jacket. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Jonathan pointed a finger. ¡°Are you wearing a dog on top of your head?¡± ¡°The rules are that everyone has to have a hat.¡± Tasha replied. She swiveled so that Eins¡¯ face was pointed at Jonathan. ¡°I¡¯m only following the rules.¡± ¡°And this dog is your hat?¡± ¡°This dog is my¡­ mascot. I¡¯m using him as a hat.¡± Jonathan pulled his chair out, spun it around, sat on it backwards, and put his elbow on the table. He leaned in close to Ave. ¡°I like it. It¡¯s very alluring, very auspicious. Did you know that in ancient times people used to dress like animals as a sign of dedication to the gods? That¡¯s why our restaurants still use such elaborate costumes for their servers. It¡¯s an ancient tradition that was passed down through many generations.¡± Everyone around the table crowded in closer to listen with interest. Ave groaned to herself. Jonathan put a teacup in front of Ave and filled it from the kettle in the middle of the table. ¡°And here you are using an actual dog as a hat. What a clever interpretation. You remind me of the Hatless Lady.¡± he said. ¡°That¡¯s the legendary thief that turned traitor and threw away her hat so that she could rob anyone.¡± Nick jumped in. ¡°That¡¯s right Nick.¡± Jonathan filled his own teacup. ¡°While I don¡¯t agree with her methods I can¡¯t help but admire her panache.¡± Jonathan lifted his teacup. He blew seductively on his tea. ¡°I like someone who¡¯s got their own style.¡± ¡°You do seem like a man that would be captivated by style.¡± Tasha droned. ¡°If you¡¯re done flirting. We have a meeting that we need to finish.¡± Meeker said. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± Jonathan nodded. He spun in his chair to face Nick. ¡°Nick, what¡¯s this problem that you¡¯re having?¡± ¡°Well sir, I¡¯m having some trouble making my quota. It¡¯s really hard because I haven¡¯t picked a specialization either.¡± Nick frowned. ¡°Quota, no no no, don¡¯t talk like that. Don¡¯t think of it as a quota. Think of it as a goal. Or a dream.¡± ¡°I guess that makes sense.¡± ¡°It does.¡± Jonathan stood up and started circling the table. ¡°Listen to me Nick. It doesn''t matter if you¡¯re an Intimidator.¡± He pointed at the Breton Bully. The Breton Bully cracked his knuckles. ¡°Or an Infiltrator.¡± He pointed at the Peach Basket Bandit. The Peach Basket Bandit fanned her face. ¡°Or a¡­ dog mascot?¡± He pointed at Tasha. Eins licked its nose. ¡°All that matters is that you have a dream. A big dream. A stupendous dream.¡± Jonathan threw his arms back wide. He jostled a chest of drawers behind him. The tea sets on the furniture *Rattled*. ¡°You¡¯re right Jonathan.¡± Nick nodded along. ¡°But you don¡¯t have a dream yet so you¡¯re going to be a pickpocket.¡± Jonathan grabbed the paper questionnaire out of Nick¡¯s hands. He pulled a pen out of this jacket. ¡°Let¡¯s see here. Specialty¡­ pickpocket. It¡¯s a great starting point. Wonderful opportunities for growth. Don¡¯t worry. You¡¯ll have your own dream one day.¡± ¡°Yes¡­ Mr Reference.¡± Nick sat back down. ¡°No need to thank me. And I¡¯ll just add the cost for all this advice on to your next gratuity. A gratuity that you gratefully give me in thanks for all of the valuable advice that I¡¯m providing you. You do value my advice don¡¯t you Nick?¡± ¡°Of course sir.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a good lad. Don¡¯t worry about it this time. I¡¯ll just add it on to your next Haberdasher membership fee.¡± said Jonathan. ¡°Sorry Tasha. Looks like it¡¯s only pickpocketing for me.¡± Nick lowered his newsboy hat and filled out the rest of his form. ¡°Tasha?¡± Jonathan looked over to where Tasha was sitting. But Tasha was gone. Everyone heard the sound of scurrying feet as Tasha dashed out the door. ¡°That one was a strange bird she was.¡± The Breton Bully said. The Peach Basket Bandit sniffed. ¡°Can we please get down to the distribution of tasks for the heist.¡± Meeker pleaded with the table. Jonathan turned back to the table. ¡°Of course my good friend Meeker. I wonder what that was all about?¡± Jonathan finished the tea in his cup. He picked up the empty cup and saucer and shoved them onto the bookshelf behind him without looking. The cup and saucer were ever so slightly off center. # ¡°That was¡­ embarrassing.¡± Tasha pulled Eins off of her head as she walked down the street. ¡°That¡¯s twice that you¡¯ve run away from that tall man.¡± Eins said. ¡°I know. Sometimes it¡¯s just¡­¡± ¡°Easier to run away from your problems?¡± Eins said. ¡°I get it. The world is a scary place. We all have things we don¡¯t want to face.¡± Tasha put Eins down. The two of them walked down the streets of the city. Tourists bustled past them. ¡°I got something that might make you feel better.¡± Eins said. ¡°What is it?¡± Tasha asked. Eins wiggled. A piece of paper popped up from between the thick tuft of fur between the dog¡¯s tiny bat wings. Tasha took the paper and unfolded it. It was the vault diagram from Meeker¡¯s table. ¡°Eins, you shouldn''t have stolen this.¡± Tasha examined the diagram. ¡°Oh, really? Do you want to go and give it back?¡± ¡°No¡­¡± Pull 60 Free to go *Ka-Clang* The front door of the Guard Station slammed open. ¡°Jack! Jack, are you in here!?¡± Champ Letterman shouted from the front of the Guard Station. Jack jumped up and grabbed the bars of the cell. ¡°I''m back here, father.¡± he replied. ¡°You there, Guardsman. Take me to the jail cells immediately.¡± Mayor Letterman pointed at Soppurt behind his desk. The boys in the cell could hear a long pause while Desk Officer Soppurt rocked back and forth on his desk chair. *Creak* *Creak* *Creak* ¡°Hmmm¡­ okay.¡± The Desk Officer replied. Soppurt opened the door to the hallway leading to the jail cells. Mayor Letterman stomped down the hallway. He paused for a moment when he saw the first two cells filled with bugs. ¡°Is this a jail or a menagerie?¡± He asked Soppurt. Soppurt shrugged. Champ Letterman resumed his stomping stride down the segmented security section. ¡°Jack, what are you doing in there?¡± Mayor Letterman faced the final cell. ¡°Nothing father.¡± Jack said. He shifted from foot to foot. ¡°Then why were you arrested?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t! It was¡­ an administrative technicality.¡± Jack gripped the bars of the cell tighter. ¡°Then why are you in jail? And why is the Sifter boy in there with you?¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± Jack looked back at Ash. ¡°Hello Mr Letterman.¡± said Ash. ¡°Ash.¡± Jack¡¯s father nodded. ¡°Were the two of you fighting? In the streets? Like common truants?¡± ¡°Nooo.¡± Jack hurried to brush the dirt off of his knees and elbows. Champ pinched the bridge of his nose. ¡°I don¡¯t have time for this. I have a very busy schedule to keep.¡± He turned to Soppurt. ¡°What was my son arrested for?¡± ¡°He wasn''t.¡± Soppurt glibbed. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Not everyone that¡¯s in jail has been arrested.¡± Soppurt examined his fingernails. ¡°Then what is he doing behind these bars?¡± A midge landed on Mayor Letterman¡¯s forehead. He pretended not to notice. The bug crawled down between his eyebrows. ¡°He''s taking some personal time to sort out his emotions.¡± A dragonfly landed on Soppurt¡¯s hair and he took a moment to shoo the bug away. ¡°That''s ridiculous. My son doesn''t have any emotions. Also this is a waste of taxpayer resources. Who is your superior officer?¡± Champ puffed out his chest. ¡°That would be the Capten of the City Guard.¡± said Soppurt. ¡°There is no Capten of the city Guard in Kaseihgaeu. That position can only be appointed by the Mayor.¡± ¡°Then I guess my superior officer would be the Mayor.¡± ¡°Kaseihgaeu has no Mayor!¡± Letterman shouted. A thin smile spread across Soppurt¡¯s face one millimeter at a time. He looked directly into Mayor Letterman¡¯s eyes and shrugged. It was a practiced shrug. Theatrical. With the same kind of movements that you might see from an illusionist after they perform a magic trick. *Ka-Clang* The front door of the Guard Station slammed open. Angel strode into the front of the Guard station. She quickly scanned the room. Satisfied, she held her hands out a few inches from her body with her pointer fingers extended. Then she quickly pulled her hands back and curled her pointer fingers in. Four Ocean''s Bounty Bouncers filed into the room after her. Lady House entered after them. She had thrown a light wrap over her shoulders and her hair was pinned up with a clasp. She turned mechanically in the center of the room and walked down the hall towards the jail cells. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. She walked past the cells filled with bugs without blinking. Lady House gave a momentary glance at Mayor Letterman. Letterman froze in place. The midge on his forehead buzzed away in a panic. She turned and faced the last cell. Ash and Jack looked confused. Vance threaded one of his arms through the bars. ¡°Did you write this note?¡± Lady House held up a small slip of paper. *The note said: Mommy, I¡¯m in jail. Come get me.* Vance hid his mouth with his hand. ¡°You got my letter. You do care.¡± ¡°If I was your real mother I¡¯d leave you in here.¡± Lady House said. ¡°If you were my actual mother you¡¯d press charges.¡± Vance said. ¡°She¡¯s not your mother?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No. We¡¯re unrelated.¡± Vance commented. ¡°Much to everyone¡¯s disappointment I assure you.¡± Lady House looked at Soppurt. ¡°What was it this time?¡± ¡°Fighting with your nephew in the hotel district.¡± Soppurt replied. ¡°Arguing with him.¡± Vance corrected. ¡°If we ever really came to blows I don¡¯t think either of us would survive.¡± ¡°Like all young men Vance you overestimate your vigor.¡± said Lady House. ¡°My heart has been sharpened by the City you rule Lady House.¡± ¡°You also overestimate your wit.¡± She turned. ¡°Mayor Letterman, is this the important business you needed to attend to?¡± ¡°Uh, this is, I was-¡± Champ Letterman stumbled over his words. ¡°Is that your son?¡± Lady House asked. ¡°Hmmm?¡± ¡°That boy right there. Is that your son?¡± ¡°Yeeesss.¡± Mayor Letterman tried not to look at Jack directly. ¡°What is he doing in a jail cell?¡± ¡°He''s¡­ taking some time, for emotional, support.¡± Champ blinked. ¡°He hasn¡¯t been arrested if that¡¯s what you¡¯re thinking!¡± Lady Houses tilted her head to the side. ¡°The other boy is his old school friend and when he heard that he was in trouble he ran down here to support him. That''s how close they are. That''s how close everyone in Star Town is. Isn''t that right Jack.¡± The Mayor looked at Jack. ¡°Father¡­¡± ¡°Isn''t that right son!?¡± ¡°Yes father.¡± Jack put his arm roughly around Ash''s neck. ¡°Me and Ash are old schoolmates. I would do anything for him. That¡¯s just how the people of Star Town act. Like they say, keep your friends close.¡± Jack roughly squeezed Ash. Ash put his arm around Jacks neck. ¡°That''s right buddy. The two of us are old pals. Inseparable. The best that Star Town has to offer. We get along like oil and water.¡± Ash roughly squeezed Jack. ¡°And I¡¯m here too.¡± Vance threw his arms around the other two boys. Lady House passed a coin purse to Soppurt. ¡°For any damages that may have been caused.¡± Soppurt pocketed the purse. ¡°And the boy?¡± ¡°You may release him at your discretion. And as for any records¡­¡± Soppurt smiled and held up a hand. ¡°You need not even mention it my Lady.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go Angel.¡± Lady House walked away from the cells. Angel and her Bouncers followed her out. She paused in the front room. ¡°Can I offer you a ride back to the Gambling Hall, Mayor Letterman?¡± Champ Letterman leaned over and whispered to Soppurt. said Soppurt. ¡°I would love that Lady House! I¡¯ll join you in a minute.¡± Mayor Letterman leaned closer to the jail cell. Jack replied. Mayor Letterman put on his best public persona and walked out of the Guard Station with Lady House. Jack slumped against the cell bars. Vance slouched against the cell bars. Ash sagged against the cell bars. *Ka-Clang* The front door of the Guard Station slammed open. ¡°Is your father going to walk in next Ash?¡± Vance asked. ¡°My father is dead.¡± Ash said. ¡°So not likely then.¡± Vance rubbed his chin. ¡°I¡¯m here with your lunch order Mr Soppurt.¡± A young child shouted. ¡°That¡¯s great. Leave it on my desk.¡± Soppurt said to the delivery boy in the front of the Guard Station. Soppurt adjusted one of his rings. ¡°I¡¯m going to go eat lunch. You three take some time to get settled in the cell. I¡¯ll be back to release you after I eat. Maybe after I have a nap. We will see what I feel like.¡± Ash looked at Soppurt. He raised an eyebrow. ¡°A man who doesn¡¯t like responsibility. I can appreciate that. But if we stay in here much longer I¡¯m going to be late for my first shift at my first job.¡± ¡°First job? How old are you?¡± Soppurt paused. Ahs rubbed his hands together. ¡°Okay! Let¡¯s get out of here.¡± Ash angled his body so that he was facing Jack but still speaking to Soppurt. ¡°Hey Jack, tell me something, don¡¯t we need release papers after we¡¯re let out of jail?¡± ¡°Yes. It is standard protocol for nonviolent crime.¡± said Jack. ¡°What¡¯s this then?¡± Soppurt¡¯s ears pricked up. ¡°And I bet we¡¯ll need a copy of our intake records as well.¡± said Ash Jack shook his head. ¡°I don¡¯t think that applies in this situation- *Ash elbowed him* Ow, oh, yeah. It would be helpful if we have to go before an Advocate.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. We might need an Advocate. They love paperwork, and typing, and desk¡­ papers.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t forget the discovery records for the local Judge.¡± Vance jumped in. ¡°That¡¯s right. The Judge. We¡¯re going to need all of our forms and files in triplicate for the Judge. Plus receipts, and certifications, and duty rosters from the jail house as well.¡± Jack counted the potential papers on his fingers. ¡°And since there¡¯s no Capten of the Guard so there¡¯s no Capten¡¯s office. That means there are no scriveners that handle the filing. All of those forms are going to have to be filled out by the involved department.¡± Vance shook his head. ¡°And what about the processing? And the proofreading? That will take ages.¡± Jack nodded. ¡°And just think about how cold your lunch is getting this whole time.¡± Ash said to no one in particular. *Click* The Jail Cell opened. ¡°Look at that. You¡¯re free to go!¡± Pull 61 ¡°What was all that junk about being the chosen one?¡± asked Cophin. Luke, Ted, and Cophin were back in the Marketplace. Cophin was shopping for produce and hoping to avoid further interruptions. ¡°Oh that? That was just Mr Homage being dramatic.¡± said Luke. Cophin gently squeezed the skin of a tomato and examined its color. ¡°You don¡¯t want to be the chosen one?¡± ¡°No, no, no, no, no¡­ no.¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°I don¡¯t give people orders.¡± Cophin pointed his chin at Ted. ¡°What about you kid? You want to be the chosen one?¡± ¡°If the Paladins believe in a chosen one then I don¡¯t want anything to do with it.¡± Ted was carrying a basket of produce. Cophin passed him a tomato. Ted obediently put it in the basket. Cophin stretched his neck til it *Popped*. ¡°I don¡¯t normally offer advice but I¡¯d say you¡¯ve got tha right idea. Being ¡®chosen¡¯ isn''t a fair position. It¡¯s not a job, or a rank, not even good description. People that get ¡®chosen¡¯ get expectations put ah them.¡± Cophin coughed and spit into the gutter. ¡°Those expectations are often unfair.¡± ¡°Well I¡¯m not going to worry about that. I¡¯m not a leader.¡± said Luke. ¡°Hmmm.¡± ¡°Excuse me Mr Luke¡¯s Boss-¡± Ted glanced over at Cophin. ¡°Call me Cophin, or Chef.¡± Cophin replied. ¡°Are you an Adventurer?¡± ¡°Why would you say that?¡± Cophin snorted. ¡°You were very assertive back there at the snow cone stand. You didn¡¯t flinch at all.¡± said Ted. ¡°Ha! If I was an Adventurer I would have stolen that man¡¯s magic sword.¡± barked Cophin. Ted frowned. ¡°I guess that is true.¡± ¡°What¡¯s tha matter kid? You sad that I¡¯m not some nomadic mercenary?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s nothing. It¡¯s silly.¡± Ted blushed. ¡°Ted wanted to be an Adventurer when he was younger. Actually a lot of the kids from Star Town grow up to be Adventurers.¡± said Luke. ¡°It¡¯s true. I did want to be one. But my father said that Adventurers were greedy and self serving. He told me I would have a much better future if I stayed in town and learned a trade. So that¡¯s what I did.¡± Ted rolled the tomatoes in his basket back and forth. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Ted. How is your father? I didn¡¯t have much time to see anyone when I was in town.¡± ¡°He¡¯s sick.¡± ¡°What?¡± Luke started. ¡°It¡¯s okay. He¡¯s getting treatment.¡± said Ted. Cophin examined some strawberries and looked at Ted out of the corner of his eye. ¡°If you don¡¯t want ta talk about it-¡± ¡°When he first got sick my father didn''t want to admit that anything was wrong. He didn¡¯t want to be an inconvenience to anyone else. So he ignored it. He took a lot of herbal supplements and painkillers, but it only got worse.¡± Ted sat down on a bench on the side of the street. He dropped the basket between his legs. Luke sat down next to him. Cophin leaned against a street sign. ¡°My father was dizzy, he was nauseated, he had aches and cramps. And then he met a woman. She said she was a Paladin. She said that she knew how to cure him.¡± Ted put his head in his hands. ¡°We did everything she said. We collected crystals and summoned all sorts of things for her. She said if we were good and helpful the gods would acknowledge us and cure my father. And then one day she was gone.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry Ted.¡± Luke said. ¡°It¡¯s alright Luke. It¡¯s not your fault. You were in the Capital.¡± Ted said. Luke stood up and paced. ¡°I know but I could have sent a letter, or a messenger, or or, I don¡¯t know.¡± Luke gripped his forehead with one hand. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. ¡°And your father?¡± Cophin asked. ¡°He¡¯s better. Mayor Letterman found out what was happening and arranged for an Alchemist to see him. He¡¯s on a treatment plan now, and a new diet, which he hates. But he¡¯s better.¡± said Ted. Cophin nodded. ¡°It was a while ago. Mayor Letterman has been good to my father. My father didn¡¯t want to stop working so he made sure he had a comfortable position at the Letterman Atelier. When he offered me a job I took it. It seemed only right to pay him back.¡± Ted rubbed the back of his neck. ¡°But maybe, I should have said something. Jack and Ash have always been¡­¡± ¡°... rough.¡± Luke said. ¡°Maybe if I had said something to Jack earlier we could have worked everything out. And we wouldn¡¯t have been running through the streets like foxes and hens all day.¡± ¡°True. But then we wouldn¡¯t have bumped into Chef Cophin today.¡± Luke patted Ted on the shoulder. ¡°And we wouldn¡¯t have had the opportunity to teach all of those people and Paladins about first aid.¡± ¡°In my opinion Paladins can sit on a lantern until the light shines out of their mouth.¡± Ted sneered. ¡°Good enough for me.¡± Cophin snorted. ¡°I don¡¯t offer advice but you kids talk too much.¡± ¡°Here.¡± He shoved the basket back into Ted¡¯s hands. ¡°What do you want me to do with this?¡± asked Ted. Cophin looked at him like he was an idiot. ¡°I want you to carry it.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°You¡¯re going to help me carry it back to tha restaurant and then, I don¡¯t know, I¡¯ll find you something ta do. You don¡¯t need a job do you?¡± Cophin raised an eyebrow. Ted shook his head. ¡°No. I work for the Mayor.¡± ¡°Good. But I¡¯ll find you something ta do anyway. Keep ya moody melodramatic teenagers off of tha streets.¡± ¡°We should probably head back.¡± Luke said. Cophin and Luke helped Ted to his feet. The three of them started walking away from the Marketplace. *Bump* Luke brushed shoulders with a man walking the other way. ¡°Excuse me. I didn¡¯t mean to bump into you.¡± said Luke to the man. ¡°It¡¯s alright son.¡± ¡°Dad!?¡± ¡°Mon fils!¡± ¡°Mr Eauparil?¡± asked Ted. ¡°And young Ted is here as well. Good to see you.¡± Luke¡¯s father was in his mid thirties. His long glossy russet hair was braided up and behind his ears. He wore a loose short sleeved shirt and shorts so he could show off his toned neck, calves, and forearms. He had a neatly trimmed goatee. He had a number of thin red cords tied up around his left wrist in little bows. Dozens of colorful folded silk scarves were pinned to his right sleeve with safety pins. Mr Eauparil took Luke¡¯s hand and gave it a shake. ¡°Look at you Luke. You¡¯ve gotten so big. What has it been?¡± ¡°Uh, four years.¡± said Luke. ¡°Time really does fly. Listen, I¡¯m on my way to the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. It¡¯s the big Gambling Hall up on the hill. You should drop by sometime. We can catch up. Okay, I¡¯ve got to go. Au revoir.¡± Luke¡¯s father gave the boy a quick pat on the shoulder, turned, and kept walking away into the Marketplace crowd. Luke stood there, still holding his hand out in the air. ¡°That was your father?¡± Cophin asked. ¡°Yeah.¡± mumbled Luke. ¡°You two seem¡­ friendly.¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t seen him in four years. The last I heard he had sex with half the residents of Star Town and then floated down a river.¡± said Luke. Cophin started to chuckle. He looked at Ted¡¯s face. Ted gave a quick nod of confirmation. Cophin choked down his chuckle. ¡°Hmmm¡­ I don¡¯t usually give advice, so I¡¯m not going to. How about¡­ I get you boys ah nice snack? Does that sound good?¡± Ted put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I think that would be nice.¡± Cophin waved at a passing Street Bee. The medical confectioner strolled over to them. ¡°What can I get you gentlemen?¡± asked the Bee. Cophin held up three fingers to the Street Bee. ¡°Caffeine and fructose if you please. Throw in a little anti inflammatory too. As strong as you can make them.¡± The Street Bee nodded and pulled some wax sheets out of his backpack. He rolled them into tubes and then filled them with a precise mixture of jelly from his pipettes. Cophin paid the Street Bee and handed the sprigs to Luke and Ted. The boys chewed one end off of the wax containers. They stood on the corner of the street at the edge of the Marketplace and watched the tourists walk by. *Hustle* *Bustle* ¡°Thanks for this Cophin.¡± said Luke. ¡°Thanks.¡± said Ted. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. I need you focused for tonight¡¯s dinner rush. Tha¡¯s all.¡± said Cophin. As they waited a group of children gathered around the Street Bee. The children traded in handfuls of pennies for small wax candies filled with grape or mango jelly. ¡°What are those?¡± Luke asked. Ted looked over at the children. ¡°Those are Bee Bites. They¡¯re street candy that¡¯s really popular amongst tourists. I hear that Alchemists hate them because the sugar causes cavities. But they¡¯re really popular and they make a lot of money so they don¡¯t complain too much.¡± ¡°No. Not the candy. That.¡± Luke pointed to a small cup that the Street Bee had on the front of his workboard. As they watched, the confectioner poured a small amount of wax into the cup, swirled it around, and then hollowed out the center with a spoon. The Street Bee then poured sugar infused grape jelly into the hollow and sealed the top with another dollop of wax. Finally he stretched the edges of the cup apart. The wax candy popped out. It looked like a thumb sized bellflower with the grape jelly showing through the wax. ¡°That¡¯s a food grade silicone mold. Street vendors use them for making little sculptures out of wax. Childish if you ask me.¡± Cophin chewed the end of his sprig. ¡°Interesting.¡± said Luke. Pull 62 ¡°What do you mean you haven''t looked at my carriage yet?¡± Tasha stood in the courtyard of the Tin Smith¡¯s workshop. The Tin Smith was seated on a rocking chair under an awning. Eins climbed onto a nearby workbench and started sniffing various piles of scrap. The Tin Smith leaned back in his chair. He flicked a playing card into the air, caught it, and shuffled it back into a deck he was holding. *Jack of Cups* He looked out at Tasha from under a wide brimmed hat he was wearing. ¡°Didn¡¯t want to touch it. Your carriage is infested.¡± he stressed the last part. ¡°With what?¡± Tasha tried to keep calm. ¡°With this.¡± The Tin Smith held up a small copper sphere the size of a baseball. Tasha and Eins stared at the sphere. As they watched the sphere unfolded itself into a dozen segmented sections. The sphere was actually a small crustacean. It looked like a trilobite with longer legs and a set of three beady eyes on the front of its carapace. It also had a set of actual crab claws that it unfolded as it attempted to hide its face. ¡°...ah¡­ahhh¡­no¡­¡± The crab said in a tiny voice. >{_}< The Tin Smith held up the shell of the creature from the bottom. The diminutive decapod scuttled ineffectually in the air with its many legs.. ¡°I found this thing while I was looking at your carriage. It crawls around like a bug, which I don¡¯t like. And it talks, which I also don¡¯t like. I was thinking about tossing it in the furnace.¡± ¡°¡­nooo. Not the furnace. Please be nice to me¡­¡± said the crab. ¡°Tripillli? Is that you?¡± asked Eins. ¡°¡­ eins. Yes, it¡¯s me. Rescue please¡­¡± The crab thrashed in the Tin Smith¡¯s hand. ¡°Eins is that?¡± Tasha looked at Tripillli in surprise. ¡°Yes. I thought I smelled something in your carriage. This is Tripillli. A god, er, spirit like me.¡± Eins put a paw against its chest. ¡°That dog talks. Hmmm¡­ don¡¯t like that either.¡± The Tin Smith frowned. ¡°And you say you found it in my carriage?¡± Tasha said to the Tin Smith. ¡°Mmmhmmm.¡± The Tin Smith said. ¡°Then you had better give it to me.¡± Tasha held out her hand. ¡°Does it belong to you?¡± Tasha paused. ¡°No. But I think I¡¯m going to take responsibility for it anyway.¡± # ¡°So your name is Tripillli?¡± Tasha climbed into her carriage. She held Tripillli in her palm. Eins climbed in after her. ¡°... i am Tripillli. That is Eins. You are Tasha¡­¡± Tasha set her palm down on an overturned basket. Tripillli crawled out over her fingers. ¡°Uhhh, your little legs feel so weird.¡± Tasha shuddered. ¡°There aren¡¯t any more of you in here are there?¡± ¡°¡­i was living alone in your carriage. It is very nice. It has the most delightful collection of trash¡­¡± Tripillli waved its claws. ¡°Trash?¡± Tasha frowned. ¡°...no, no, not trash. Other things¡­ but trash yes¡­i like living in your carriage. I love how there are so many things to feel¡­¡± ¡°How come I never noticed you before?¡± she asked. ¡°...i am very small¡­¡± Tripillli curled up into a ball. The crab ball began to rock back and forth. Tripillli began rolling around in a circle on top of the basket. With a sudden jerk the tiny crab rolled off the basket and under a loose pile of horseshoes. Tripillli disappeared. *Rustle* *Scuttle* Tasha and Eins looked around. *Rustle* Tripillli reappeared behind them and rolled on top of the carriage¡¯s gearbox. The tiny crab uncurled and waved a claw at them. ¡°Impressive. But how did you get in here in the first place?¡± Tasha started moving around the inside of her carriage. She pushed on a panel that was built into the side of the interior wall. It opened. She frowned. ¡°... don¡¯t remember. There was a box. I rolled inside. Fell asleep. When I woke up. I was in here¡­¡± Tripillli spread its claws wide. Eins nodded along. ¡°That could have been a long time ago. Tripillli always was a deep sleeper.¡± Tasha pushed open another panel in her carriage. She frowned again. A wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. ¡°What happened to all my crystals? I thought I had them stashed away.¡± She said out loud. ¡°... ah¡­i ate them¡­¡± said Tripillli. ¡°What!?¡± ¡°...the carriage was shaking and bouncing around so much. I got scared. I needed something to help calm down¡­ so I ate them¡­¡± Tripillli rubbed its claws together in front of its face. Tasha snatched Tripillli up with her hand. Her fingers closed like a claw around the small creature. ¡°Those were my secret crystals! I had them stashed all over the carriage. It was a small fortune. I had been collecting those from my travels all around the Kingdom. Do you know how long it took me to save up all those summoning gems!?¡± Tripillli curled into a ball and quivered in her hand. ¡°... no¡­ sorry¡­ did not know. Only scared¡­ and hungry¡­ please forgive¡­¡± Tasha''s mouth tightened. The veins on her arm pulsed. She briefly flexed her thumb. Tasha took a deep breath, put the crab back down on the engine gearbox, and placed her palms flat on the surface of the cool metal. ¡°Tasha?¡± Eins put a paw on her leg. ¡°I¡¯m fine Eins. But you!¡± Tasha tapped Tripillli on the outside of the crab¡¯s shell. ¡°You have been living here rent free for far too long. So you¡¯re going to have to pay me back. Starting today.¡± Tripillli uncurled. ¡°...guaranteed. I am very responsible¡­¡± Tripillli gripped Tasha¡¯s forefinger with its pincers. ¡°Come on.¡± Tasha exited her carriage. ¡°Sooo?¡± The Tin Smith asked. ¡°It¡¯s clean. There are no other¡­ passengers. You can start checking the engine now.¡± ¡°Hmmm. And your payment?¡± The Tin Smith shuffled. Tasha rubbed a knuckle between her eyes to smooth out the wrinkle between her eyebrows. ¡°I don¡¯t have any crystals, right now. So we¡¯re going to need to work something else out. You said you have some snaplocks?¡± ¡°Mmmhmmm.¡± ¡°Then we¡¯re in business. Show them to me and I¡¯ll see what I can do.¡± The Tin Smith cut the deck of cards in his hand. He flipped over the top card. *Joker* # ¡°So people bring in their broken things and you fix them?¡± This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. Eins climbed up on the workbench. Tripillli climbed up behind the dog. ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Tasha said. ¡°Don¡¯t humans do that all the time? Fix things I mean.¡± Eins wiggled its ears. ¡°Not as much as you might think. Most people will throw their old things in the trash and summon something new to replace it. The only time they look for repairs is when something is really rare or they have a sentimental attachment to it.¡± Tasha set her cosmetics case on top of the workbench. She pulled the lid open. A folding row of trays moved up with the lid. Underneath that was a segmented board with space for her creams, compounds, and curlers. ¡°Which is good for me because it means that people will pay a lot for repairs.¡± Tasha put her fingernails at the far edges of the board and pressed in. *Click* The board lifted up and out revealing a hidden compartment underneath. Tasha pulled out a leather satchel and unrolled it on the workbench. The inner layer of the satchel was divided into a series of pockets. The pockets were filled with a variety of fine toothed combs, picks, pliers, and screwdrivers. Tasha organized the workbench. There was a pile of odd knick-knacks and do-dads. ¡°So you call these snaplocks?¡± asked Eins. ¡°People have an emotional attachment to them. They don¡¯t want to call them broken. It¡¯s easier to think of them as temporarily locked up.¡± Tasha opened a wooden box on the bench. Inside was a herringbone chain necklace. She held the necklace up to examine it. Some of the middle links were snapped apart. Tripillli pinched the end of the necklace with its claws. ¡°...gold. Very nice. Excellent craftsmanship¡­¡± ¡°And you!¡± Tasha pointed at the crab. ¡°No pinching, or pulling, or touching, or eating anything without my permission. Understand?¡± Tripillli gave a salute with one claw. ¡°...as you command¡­¡± ^{_}< # Tasha bent the edges of the herringbone links back together with her pliers. She examined the links with her jewelers eye and then reached over to her cosmetics case. As she reached, Tripillli lifted a roll of plumb solder out of the case into her hand. Tasha took the solder and set down her pliers on the table. Tripillli scuttled over, placed the pliers back into the right pocket, and then scuttled out of the way. Tasha watched out of the corner of her eye. ¡°Hold on. I need to ask the Tin Smith for a torch for this next part.¡± she said. ¡°Please. Allow me.¡± Eins waddled over to where Tasha was holding the solder. The dog breathed in and pursed its lips together. A bright blue flame the size of a thumb appeared in front of its mouth. There was the smell of burning metal as the solder began to soften. Tasha blinked. ¡°Oh right. You can do that.¡± # Tasha held the herringbone necklace up in her hands. She watched the links flex with her jewelers eye. ¡°Very nice work.¡± said a voice. ¡°Yah!¡± Tasha winced at the sudden interruption. The necklace snapped between her fingers. Tasha looked up to see Lux and Plinth standing across the table from her. ¡°Oh dear. I didn¡¯t mean to startle you.¡± Plinth held a hand up to his mouth. Tasha watched the necklace dangle in her fingers. ¡°It¡¯s fine. It¡¯s fine. I already know how to fix it.¡± She set the necklace down. ¡°What are you two doing here?¡± ¡°My name is Lux. It¡¯s nice to meet you again Tasha. We came to have something repaired.¡± Lux held out a metal box with a glass cylinder mounted on the top. He placed the device on top of the workbench. Tasha put down her jewelers eye. ¡°Looks fancy.¡± She looked up at Plinth. ¡°This isn¡¯t from your restaurant is it?¡± Plinth smiled. ¡°I may only be the sommelier of my and Cophin¡¯s restaurant, but Lux is a long time friend. The two of us a share an interest in new culinary innovations.¡± He *Tapped* the metal box. ¡°That¡¯s where this comes in. Lux is always trying to find new tools he can use for cooking.¡± Tasha pulled the box closer. It was about twenty centimeters on each side. The glass cylinder on top looked like it could hold about a liter of liquid. She tilted it over on its side. There was a metal plate on the back of the box. She removed it to reveal a small glass and copper tube. ¡°Is that an arc battery? Interesting. Does this thing have a magnet engine?¡± Lux nodded. ¡°It does. You must be very skilled. Most people do not know about magnet engines.¡± Tasha turned the box over in her hands. ¡°I come across strange things in my travels.¡± She looked over at Eins and Tripillli. ¡°Or rather I meant that I like to examine odd devices. Things like that.¡± Lux bounced on his toes. ¡°Me too. Magnet engines are especially fascinating. I always thought that it would be amazing to see magnet engines used in all sorts of devices. Can you imagine a magnet powered drill? Or a magnet powered carriage?¡± Tasha waved a hand in the air. ¡°You would need to constantly change the arc batteries powering something like that. Which is a real pain. Plus there is gas everywhere.¡± She looked back at the device. ¡°So what¡¯s wrong with it?¡± Lux tapped his forefingers together. ¡°I do not know exactly how it works. That is why we must find someone skilled to fix it. But it is very powerful. We use it for blending things at the restaurant.¡± Eins and Tripillli looked into the glass cylinder. There was a set of small metal blades mounted on the bottom. ¡°...oooh. What is that? I must feel it¡­¡± Tripillli scurried over to the glass pitcher and started crawling towards the metal blades mounted on the bottom. The arc battery on the base sparked. *Click*Bbbuuuzzzrrrzzz* The blades started spinning. Tripillli bounced around the inside of the blender. The crab rolled dangerously close to the slicers. ¡°Get out of there!¡± Tasha tipped the glass pitcher. Tripillli rolled out. ¡°What did I say about touching things!?¡± she shouted. ¡°... not without permission. Sorry¡­¡± Eins put a paw on Tripillli. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯ll keep watch.¡± ¡°Make sure that you do!¡± Tasha gritted her teeth. Tasha looked sheepishly over at Lux and Plinth. Plinth politely pretended not to notice what had just happened. Lux had seen everything but didn¡¯t display any confusion at all. He was blatantly unconcerned. ¡°So¡­ uh, I see that the power is sparking. I¡¯ll take a look at that.¡± said Tasha. Tasha removed the arc battery. # Tasha prodded the copper wires inside the blender, trying to figure out where the short was located. Plinth watched over her shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re very talented Tasha. Were you an apprentice Craftsman?¡± Tasha concentrated on the blender. ¡°No. I¡¯m self taught. I picked up most of my skills on the road.¡± ¡°Traveling must be hard. I¡¯m sure that you could join a guild if you wanted to.¡± Plinth said. Tasha was at half attention. ¡°I like being on the road. There¡¯s always plenty of opportunities to meet new people.¡± ¡°But not a lot of opportunities to really get to know people, is there?¡± Plinth said. Tasha was at zero attention. Lux nodded. ¡°I understand what you mean. I too love meeting new people. That was the reason that I opened my own restaurant.¡± ¡°Mmmhmmm.¡± Tasha continued working. ¡°When I was younger I joined the Combat Bakers. During my training I developed many deep and meaningful friendships.¡± Lux smiled at Plinth. Plinth smiled in return. ¡°But there were also many regulations and instructions to follow. The Combat Bakers have a strong sense of etiquette. There were many unspoken rules to follow. I do not like to admit it but I have trouble following such rules.¡± Lux carelessly clenched and unclenched his hands. Plinth spoke up. ¡°Lux, it¡¯s all right. We all have trouble picking up on social cues sometimes. The real mistake is thinking that we¡¯re the only ones who do and not forgiving ourselves for making those mistakes.¡± ¡°I am thankful that you are so very patient Plinth.¡± ¡°And I¡¯m thankful that you are so considerate Lux.¡± The two men gave each other a thumbs up. !?? Best Friends ??! Tasha looked up at them. ¡°I think I got it.¡± She rotated the blender back on the workbench and replaced the arc battery. Tasha put the glass container back on the top, secured it, and hit a button on the front. *Buuuzzz* Lux shook his hands together. ¡°You fixed it. That is incredible. You must be a genius.¡± ¡°No, no, this was nothing.¡± Tasha let her hair fall in front of her face. ¡°Very nice work.¡± said Plinth. ¡°Good job.¡± said Eins. Tripillli finished putting Tasha¡¯s tools away. ¡°... i¡¯m tired¡­¡±. Tripillli crawled up Tasha¡¯s arm. When the crab reached her right bicep it turned sideways and scuttled under her armpit. ¡°Hey! Where do you think you¡¯re going?¡± Tasha lifted up her arm in annoyance. As she watched, Tripillli¡¯s segmented carapace stretched apart. The crab creature elongated until it circled her arm. Tripillli¡¯s front claws gripped the back of its body and pulled tight. *Click*ck*ck*ck* Tripillli¡¯s shell segments slid smoothly into place next to each other forming a seamless outer layer. When the crab stopped moving it was almost indistinguishable from a copper armband being worn around Tasha¡¯s upper arm. Tasha turned her arm over. ¡°Huh¡­? That¡¯s not entirely uncomfortable.¡± *Yawn* ¡°...goodnight¡­¡± A final section of carapace slid over Tripillli¡¯s eyes. Tasha flexed the armband. It was slightly warm to the touch and didn¡¯t affect her movement. ¡°I think Tripillli likes you.¡± Eins said. ¡°He better. He owes me.¡± ¡°And you owe me.¡± said the Tin Smith. The older man rambled up to the workbench. He wiped some grease off of his hands on a rag sticking out of his pocket. ¡°Yeah, yeah, I¡¯m fixing the snaplocks. Can¡¯t you see?¡± Tasha groaned. ¡°So how long until my carriage is repaired?¡± The Tin Smith remove a card deck from his pocket. He flipped a card in his hand. *Queen of Gemstones* ¡°Hmmmnn,never¡­¡± he said. ¡°What do you mean? Do you not have the parts that you need?¡± ¡°I don''t know how much pressure you put on your engine but it was waaay too much. Most of the hoses have ruptured, which isn''t the worst part. Hoses can be replaced.¡± ¡°So what''s the worst part?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°Some of your engine parts have warped. Which is impressive considering that it should have merely exploded. But a warped rod can''t be repaired. The wwwhole rod and housing has to be replaced. That''s most of the engine. And that¡¯s most of the vehicle¡¯s worth.¡± The Tin Smith shuffled his deck. ¡°What are you saying?¡± Tasha balked. ¡°Your carriage is totaled.¡± ¡°...¡± ¡°Irreparable.¡± ¡°...¡± ¡°Trashed.¡± ¡°I get it! But, if you can¡¯t fix my carriage then what am I paying you for!?¡± ¡°Diagnostics.¡± ¡°Diagnostics?¡± ¡°It¡¯s when you pay me to tell you that something can¡¯t be fixed.¡± Pull 63 Bad Bird Beat Rosy tucked the receipt underneath her leather harness. She turned to look at Ave. ¡°So Ave should we get some lunch?¡± Rosy and Ave walked down one of the long spiraling streets that led away from the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Ave had taken off her breastplate and slung the straps over her shoulder. ¡°Rosy?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± Ave looked at Rosy sideways. ¡°Your weapon?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a weapon.¡± Rosy corrected. ¡°Your sharpened tool then, is it¡­ is it a-¡± ¡°Everyone get out of the way!¡± A dark shape swooped overhead. Ave, Rosy, and dozens of tourists looked up. The outline of an enormous bird soared over the roofs of the houses around them. As the people in the street watched the huge wing of the bird clipped a chimney. The ceramic tiles of the chimney shattered and sent a rain of brick dust down into the street below. There was the shape of a person on the back of the bird. Ave squinted at the giant bird. ¡°It can¡¯t be¡­¡± She started sprinting down the street after the shape. The bird construct glided over the tips of several houses as it descended down the slope of the city towards the outskirts. *Crack* One of the legs snapped off and fell into the road below. Ave rushed over. ¡°Huh? It¡¯s made out of wood?¡± She kicked the wooden foot replica with her toe. Ave looked back up at the bird. Rosy ran up beside her. ¡°Is it not a real bird?¡± Rosy asked. ¡°No. I think I can see sunlight coming through the feathers on the wings.¡± said Ave. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s some kind of kite.¡± ¡°I¡¯m running out of room! Clear the streets!¡± The person on top of the replica bird yelled down to the people in the street below. The wooden bird bounced off of a roof. The glider veered into a straight lane between two rows of houses. The rider pulled hard on the bird¡¯s frame to keep it from hitting the buildings on either side, but as the bird descended lower there was no way to get out of the lane. ¡°That bird is going to crash!¡± A tourist observed. ¡°Is this some kind of show?¡± Another tourist asked. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s a promotional event.¡± The wooden bird reached the end of the street. The lane opened up into a small plaza with multiple converging roads. The rider banked the flying contraption as hard as they could but they were already going too fast. The fake bird slammed into the third story of a house on the opposite side of the plaza. *Crunch*Thud* The replica bird¡¯s head embedded itself in the wall of the house. Tourists ran in all directions as bricks and mortar dropped into the street below. A flock of juvenile mockingbirds that had been sitting on the roof of the house scattered into the air.. *Ke-week*Ke-week* The rider was jounced up, hit the wall, and then slumped back down onto the bird¡¯s back. Ave and Rosy ran down to the plaza. A ring of tourists had assembled around the base of the house. They were all staring at the crashed bird above. Bits of wax, feathers, and splinters drifted down from the wooden bird. ¡°Privati! Privati are you okay!¡± The Charmed Adjuster elbowed her way through the crowd. She was panting for breath. ¡°Please! I need to-¡± The Charmed Adjuster reached the edge of the crowd, tripped, and collapsed onto one knee. Her spectacles fell off of her nose. ¡°My glasses!¡± she cried. The glasses fell into a merchant''s stall, bounced off of a melon, and flew into a jar labeled ¡®White Vinegar: finest glass cleaner that nature can provide.¡¯ The Adjuster scrambled to try and find her frames. Above her the wooden bird wobbled in the wall. Privati, who was seated on the bird, wobbled as well. She was wearing denim pants with a thick leather belt that was buckled to a strap strung around the bird¡¯s middle. On her head she had a leather helmet with a sun visor. Her hair was tucked up underneath. Privati shook her head in confusion. One hand gripped her leather belt. The buckle had snapped on impact and half of it hung loose around her waist. Angry mocking birds flocked off of the building and tweeted angrily at the unwelcome intruder. *Ke-week*Ke-week* The crowd of tourists watched. ¡°Someone should help her!¡± said a tourist. ¡°That¡¯s right!¡± said another tourist. ¡°Someone should!¡± agreed a third tourist. Ave looked at the crowd. No one made a move to step up and assist the young woman hanging off of a building three stories up. Ave¡¯s hand clenched on the strap of her breastplate. ¡°Damn.¡± She took a step forward. *Ker-Crack* The crowd looked up and gasped. The wooden bird¡¯s neck cracked open partially. The frame of the bird tilted. Privati groaned, then rolled off the side. *Sha-Fwoosh* There was a burst of wind so powerful that Ave had to cover her face to keep the dust from getting in her eyes. The tourists around her also crouched down to take cover. When Ave looked back up Rosy was grabbing Privati out of the air. The scabbard of Rosy''s still sheathed sword was lodged in the brick wall while Rosy held onto the handle with her right hand. Her left hand had a death-grip on Privati''s left forearm. The sword''s scabbard was planted almost twenty centimeters into the wall just below the fake bird glider. The two of them dangled in the air next to the wall as the wind settled down. ¡°Urrrgh." Privati groaned. ¡°Are you okay?" Rosy called down to her. Privati looked up at her left arm. "I think, my arm, is dislocated." She spit through her teeth. "Good. You''re still conscious. Not good about your arm though. Sorry." Rosy tightened her grip on the handle of her sword. "Could someone help us down please." "I''ve got it." The Charmed Adjuster shouted. "What, what should I do?" She rubbed her eyes. ¡°Summon a ladder.¡± A tourist suggested. ¡°No. Summon something for them to fall into.¡± Another tourist yelled. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. ¡°Add some stairs to the building.¡± A tourist offered. "Make another bird!" A child in the crowd shouted. The Charmed Adjuster glanced back and forth at the crowd of people she couldn''t see. ¡°O-okay. I''ll do my best.¡± She held out her hands and concentrated. *Clunk* A wooden washbasin appeared on the ground next to the young woman. It was about a meter wide and made from hard oakwood. The basin itself was filled with less than two centimeters of water. ¡°Is¡­ is that enough?¡± She blinked her eyes and tried to focus. Ave walked up and put a hand on the Adjuster¡¯s shoulder. "That was, a good effort. Why don''t you step back for a bit." Ave held out the Adjuster¡¯s glasses in her hand. "They''re safe for the moment. We can wait until we find someone else that can summon something to get them down." The Charmed Adjuster put her glasses back on and looked up. The light of the sun refracted off of her shiny spectacles. A beam of concentrated energy lanced up and hit the giant wooden bird covered with wax and feathers. *Ka-Fwoosh* The entire thing caught fire. Everyone looked up in surprise. Several tourists screamed. Some of them clapped. "Scuttle that idea. No time. We need to get them down quick. Do you have any summon gems?¡± The Adjuster patted her pockets. ¡°No. We¡­¡± She looked up at the fake bird. ¡°We used them already.¡± ¡°Ave!¡± Rosy shouted down. ¡°What Rosy?¡± Ave shouted back. ¡°I have some gems in my pocket. Can you catch them if I drop them down?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll catch them!¡± Ave shouted up. ¡°Good good. Privati right?" Rosy looked down at the girl she was holding. "Yeah?" Privati squinted up at her. "The gems are under my harness. I''m going to need you to grab them and toss them down." said Rosy. ¡°But my arm is jacked up. How am I supposed to reach-¡± ¡°And up you gooo!!!¡± Rosy slowly lifted Privati like a kettlebell until she was even with Rosy¡¯s chest. ¡°Aaarrgh!¡± Privati shouted as she was lifted. Rosy¡¯s face was red with exertion. Privati closed her eyes in pain. Bits of molten wax and burning feathers drifted down around them. ¡°Hurry! Under. The pocket¡­ on the front.¡± Rosy wheezed. Privati reached up with her good arm and pulled a gemstone out of Rosy¡¯s pocket. ¡°You and you." Ave pointed to two muscly tourists. "Move that basin out of the way." The two tourists looked at each other. "But we don''t work for-¡± *CLANG* Ave slammed her breast plate down onto the pavement. "Move, that, basin." *Now* The tourists sheepishly ran over and heaved the basin out of the way. ¡°Here it comes!¡± Privati looked down. ¡°I¡¯ve got it!¡± Ave braced her legs. Privati dropped the gemstone. *Ke-week*Ke-week* An enraged mockingbird swooped through the air, snatched the stone in its beak, and flew off. ¡°Wha¡­?¡± The Charmed Adjuster watched the bird fly away. ¡°Did that bird just¡­!¡± Privati screeched. Flames spread over the surface of the wooden replica. Sweat was pouring down Rosy¡¯s face. ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s fine. Try again.¡± she said. Privati reached up and grabbed another summoning crystal. She pulled back her good arm and threw this one at Ave¡¯s outstretched hand. *Ke-week*Ke-week* Another mockingbird dove out of the sky. It steered itself onto an interception course with the falling crystal and plucked it out of the air right before it landed in Ave¡¯s hand. *Crunch*Snap* The crowd of tourists gasped. The neck of the giant wooden bird caught fire. The wood split in half under the heat. The body of the bird wobbled and was about to fall down on Rosy and Privati. ¡°No more time. Throw them all!¡± Rosy yelled. ¡°Aaahhh!¡± Privati jammed her hand into the pocket, grabbed as many gems as she could hold, and chucked them down at the ground. Indignant mockingbirds swarmed through the air. They grabbed the falling crystals in their tiny beaks and claws before flapping away. ¡°There¡¯s too many!¡± The Charmed Adjuster shouted. Ave ignored her. Her eyes locked in on the fattest mockingbird in the flock. The mini mimidae was falling fast. The annoyed avian was focused on one of the falling stones. With a triumphant *Ke-week* the mockingbird seized the glittering gemstone and turned to fly away. But the bulbous bird was bulkier than its brethren. The arc of its flight was longer and lower than the others. Ave jumped. She caught the fat mockingbird mid-flap. *Crack* The body of the wooden bird separated from its head. The giant flaming replica started to fall. Rosy wrenched the scabbard of her sword free from the side of the wall. Rosy and Privati fell. As Rosy fell she tucked and rolled her body so that she was between Privati and the ground. The wooden bird replica fell after them. Ave landed on her feet. The startled mockingbird was grasped in her hands. She looked up. ¡°Summon something!¡± The Adjuster shouted. ¡°Not yet.¡± Ave said. ¡°They¡¯re falling. Hurry!¡± ¡°..." Ave watched them fall. She calmly reached up and plucked the crystal from the mockingbird¡¯s beak. A single ember landed in her left eye. Her eyelid fluttered. Ave¡¯s hand tightened around the gemstone. A magic circle appeared in the air in front of her. When Rosy and Privati were a meter from the ground she pulled! A mattress materialized in front of her. Rosy and Privati slammed into it with a soft *Thuuuf*. The flaming wooden bird fell down directly towards them. The crowd of tourists cried out. But Ave¡¯s magic circle was still there. At the corners of the mattress a four poster bed frame appeared. Solid posts materialized at each joint of the frame and stretched up into the air. At the last moment a flat canopy as wide as the bed fizzled into existence above the posts. The flaming bird hit the sturdy hardwood canopy and shattered into pieces. The crowd of tourists dived for cover as burning shrapnel scattered across the plaza. Ave grabbed the Charmed Adjuster and ducked down next to the bed frame. *Crunch* *Sizzle* As the smoke cleared, tourists crawled out of hiding to see what had happened. Smoldering chunks of wood were littered around the plaza. Rosy rolled off of the bed. She helped Privati to her feet. Ave stood up beside the bed frame. The Charmed Adjuster gripped one of the posts with a shaky hand as she pulled herself up. ¡°Good job with the bed frame Ave.¡± Rosy said. Rosy¡¯s sword was already tucked back into her harness. Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her face. ¡°Thanks. I sort of panicked trying to think of something for you to land on that would also protect you.¡± ¡°What is with that mattress? It¡¯s the size of a sheep. Who sleeps on a mattress like that?¡± Rosy asked. ¡°Kings and Princesses.¡± Ave replied. ¡°But bed frames go inside of your house. Who puts a roof on top of their bed?¡± Rosy asked. ¡°Rich people.¡± Ave and Privati said in unison. Privati looked at Ave. ¡°What would you have done if you hadn''t caught that gemstone?" Ave looked at the flaming wreck of the wooden bird. ¡°I would have tried to kick it out of the air.¡± ¡°Privati! Are you hurt? I was so worried.¡± The Charmed Adjuster ran over to her. ¡°I¡¯m fine Alli.¡± Privati winced as Alli touched her arm. ¡°My bones are only a little out of place is all.¡± ¡°Is that girl okay?¡± A tourist asked. ¡°That was a big fall.¡± Another tourist walked over to the group. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m fine. Everyone go about your business.¡± Privati waved her good arm. ¡°That¡¯s good to hear.¡± The tourist¡¯s mood shifted. ¡°Because that was very dangerous.¡± ¡°Yeah! We could have been hurt.¡± Another tourist shouted. ¡°Who is going to repair that building?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t sell my white vinegar with all this commotion.¡± ¡°One of those mockingbirds looked at me funny.¡± Privati let out a deep *Siiigh* ¡°Alli. Pay these people to go away.¡± The Adjuster hunched her shoulders over. She pulled a large purse out of her pocket. Over the next several minutes she made a circuit around the plaza handing out money to the merchants and tourists. Privati sagged against a wall and gripped her shoulder. ¡°We should get you to a Barber. Wait no, an Alchemist? Your bone is injured which is a Barber¡¯s area of medicine. But the bone is inside of you which is an Alchemist¡¯s area. Which one is it for bones, I always forget?¡± Rosy said. ¡°If it¡¯s skeleton bones you see a Barber. If it¡¯s mouth bones you visit an Alchemist.¡± Ave said. ¡°That seems counter intuitive.¡± ¡°I know. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± ¡°No. No alchemists. No paper trail.¡± Privati hissed through her teeth. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Rosy asked. ¡°Yes.¡± said Privati Rosy frowned. ¡°Alright. But let¡¯s at least find somewhere for you to sit down before you fall down.¡± ¡°Good idea.¡± Ave said. Ave turned and walked into the plaza. She held up her arms and opened her hands. The fat mockingbird that was sitting on her palms spun around and tried to give her an angry look. But then the mockingbird saw the flaming wreckage of what appeared to be another enormous bird behind her and changed its mind. The bird gave her a *Ke-week*, pecked her once on the thumb, and then flew away. Ave looked around the plaza. ¡°Damn.¡± she mumbled. ¡°What is it?¡± Alli asked. ¡°Someone stole my breastplate.¡± Pull 64 The Wardrobe ¡°Come on in. Kick off your shoes. Put your jacket wherever you like.¡± said Vance. ¡°Uhhh¡­" Ash looked around the room. ¡°There''s no furniture in here.¡± Ash, Luke, and Vance walked into what was presumably the living room of a second story apartment. Clotheslines crisscrossed the room. The lines were hung from windows, wall sconces, wire hangers, and wooden dowels attached to the walls. The clotheslines were draped with a huge variety of jackets, pants, shirts, and sashes. Any space that could be found in the small apartment was filled with hanging clothes. ¡°You live here?¡± asked Jack. ¡°I work here. I live out there, in the city.¡± Vance waved a hand at the window overlooking the street outside the apartment. Jack peeked through the window. There was a large open air park across the street. ¡°What is that big space out there in the park? I see a raised platform and a lot of seats.¡± Jack said. ¡°That¡¯s the amphy''theatre.¡± said Vance. ¡°Did you say amphitheater?¡± ¡°That''s right, amphy¡¯theatre¡± Jack frowned. ¡°That doesn''t sound right¡­¡± Vance stripped off his shirt. ¡°As thanks for helping me get out of jail you can change your clothes here.¡± Vance looked over at Ash. ¡°I also need to find a set of clothes for you when you help me break into the Ocean''s Bounty. *Sniff* You might also want to consider a bath. You smell like a chimney. What''s your size?¡± Vance held a pair of pants up to Ash. ¡°Children¡¯s large.¡± said Jack over Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Adult medium!¡± yelled Ash. ¡°I''m not a child.¡± ¡°Are you sure? Asked Vance. ¡°I have a lot of children''s sizes available, and I think that some of them might fit you¡­¡± ¡°Yes I¡¯m sure!¡± Ash slapped Vance¡¯s hands away. ¡°Let me see what I have in the back.¡± Vance rifled through a line of clothes. Jack whispered to Ash. Ash shook his head and gave Jack a flat stare. ¡°And what''s wrong with my clothes?¡± Ash turned to Vance. ¡°Are you kidding?¡± Vance¡¯s head leaned out from around the corner. ¡°Yeah, are you kidding?¡± Jack repeated. ¡°What? I like to dress comfortably, that''s all. I don''t need to dress like I''m attending a fancy dinner party.¡± said Ash. ¡°Sure, but there''s also no reason to dress like you''re mucking out the pig sty either.¡± said Jack. ¡°Give me a break. I¡¯ve been on the road traveling.¡± Ash shoved a nearby clothesline. ¡°Have you been rolling down the road like a wagon wheel while you were traveling? Because you are very dirty.¡± said Vance. Jack snickered. ¡°The two of you can piss off.¡± pouted Ash. Vance pulled a ruffled shirt off of a clothesline. ¡°It''s important to take pride in your appearance. It''s the first thing people notice about you. Even if you''re a thoroughly unlikable sod, if you dress nice then other people won''t notice until it''s too late.¡± ¡°It''s like he''s speaking directly to your soul Ash.¡± said Jack. ¡°I was thinking the same thing, about you Jack.¡± said Ash. *Bonk* Vance threw a doublet at Ash''s head. ¡°Put that on. And you, Mayor boy¡­¡± ¡°Jack.¡± ¡°Jack. you can pick out whatever you like. You''re covered in dead midges. Find something to wear back to the gambling hall if you need it.¡± said Vance. Jack reluctantly stripped off his jacket and vest. He picked through some of the clothes that were hanging around the apartment. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°Hey Vance, are these costumes?¡± he asked. ¡°Why do you say that?¡± ¡°Some of these have multiple tailoring stitches. There''s no reason to fit a shirt more than once unless multiple people are wearing it.¡± said Jack. *Ka-Boom* ¡°What was that?¡± asked Ash. ¡°That sounded like an explosion from the amphitheater.¡± said Jack. ¡°Everyone get dressed!¡± said Vance. ¡°Is something wrong? I think I see smoke coming from the park.¡± said Jack. A door *Slammed* down on the first floor of the apartment building. ¡°Put out the fire! I¡¯m going to find a change of clothes!¡± A voice shouted from downstairs. ¡°Everyone act casual.¡± said Vance. Jack and Ash, stripped to the waist, looked at each other, then at Vance. Bede opened the door to the apartment. His hair was gelled and he was wearing thick eyeliner. Bede¡¯s clothes were a colorful patchwork of different styles. Part of his sleeve was smoldering. He stopped. He looked at Jack and Ash. ¡°Who are you?¡± Bede asked. ¡°We¡¯re¡­¡± ¡°Actually, don¡¯t bother. I can see Vance hiding behind a set of stockings. What are you doing Vance? Robbing my wardrobe again?¡± ¡°My name is on the lease too.¡± said Vance. ¡°No it¡¯s not!¡± shouted Bede. ¡°Well, there is a name on the lease. And I was the one who signed that name. So¡­¡± Bede pulled on a clothesline and released. The cord snapped back at Vance¡¯s head. Vance ducked down and scampered across the room. ¡°That doesn¡¯t entitle you to any of the materials that I keep here.¡± Bede shouted. ¡°So you want me to wander around town naked?¡± Vance feigned indignity. ¡°Don¡¯t act like that¡¯s beneath you. If I thought you had any shame I would throw you out right now. But I know that you would love the attention.¡± said Bede. Ash sniffed the air. ¡°I smell smoke. Did you cause an explosion?¡± Bede put his hands on his hips. ¡°It was a minor pyrotechnical flare up.¡± *Ka-Boom* Across the street there was another explosion. A fireball could be seen above the tree line. The windows rattled in their frames. ¡°It¡¯s being dealt with.¡± said Bede. ¡°A pity that your performances can¡¯t be as entertaining as your failures.¡± said Vance as the explosion died off. ¡°Where were you all afternoon Vance? Soaking in a wine barrel?¡± mocked Bede. ¡°As if you didn¡¯t know. I was in jail.¡± said Vance. ¡°You mean your second home?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. I was reporting your fashion crimes to the authorities.¡± ¡°I pay the Guards not to arrest me. Something that you should learn to do too.¡± ¡°I am a prince in this city. I''m not going to pay for my privilege. If they''re going to arrest me then they''re going to have to live with that shame.¡± Vance crossed his arms. ¡°I''m sure having to suffer your presence is shameful enough for them. Did my aunt bail you out again?¡± Bede tore off his smoldering sleeve and threw it in a corner. ¡°I don''t see what that has to do with anything.¡± said Vance. Bede took a second look at Jack. ¡°Hold on a second. Are you mayor Letterman''s son?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± said Jack. ¡°How much has Vance told you?¡± # ¡°You can borrow, I need to stress, borrow what you need for now. All of these are working costumes for my show.¡± said Bede. ¡°Are you two really roommates? You seem like you hate each other.¡± said Ash. ¡°Hate is too simple a word for the complexity of our animosity.¡± said Bede. ¡°Revenge!¡± shouted Vance. ¡°We¡¯re not roommates. Vance is merely a cosigner on the lease.¡± said Bede. ¡°How did that happen?¡± asked Ash. ¡°I needed someone to sign the lease with me. Someone else who¡¯s name would be on the paperwork, for tax reasons.¡± said Bede. ¡°Uh huh.¡± Ash nodded. ¡°So I hired a local advocate to find me a cosigner. I didn¡¯t know it was Vance until it was too late.¡± ¡°I signed the lease with the name Expauldio Larkpenny, a clearly made up persona that a normal person would have noticed.¡± Vance chuckled to himself. ¡°Thankfully my good friend Bede has more teeth than brain cells.¡± ¡°Using an alias makes you a criminal, it doesn''t make you clever.¡± Bede flashed a menacing smile. ¡°I¡¯m still not confident it was entirely legal.¡± ¡°You would be surprised at the number of things you can make legal with nothing more than a signature.¡± Vance inspected his nails. Ash tugged a jacket sleeve up his arm. ¡°Is this jacket supposed to fit like this?¡± Ash spun around. He was wearing a leather jacket that was covered in more buckles and zippers than was reasonable. The jacket zipped tight against Ash¡¯s chest and exuded an aura of ¡®Dangerous Tailoring¡¯. ¡°Look at that Bede I found someone that can fit into your Constantine costume.¡± said Vance. Bede sniffed. ¡°Don¡¯t distract me. I still need to, hmmm¡­¡± Bede walked over and examined Ash. he lifted up one of Ash''s arms and measured his wrist. ¡°It is a good fit. You are very skinny. You could probably fit inside a trap door really easily. Have you ever thought about performing in live theater?¡± asked Bede. ¡°I¡¯m not really a people pleaser.¡± said Ash. ¡°That doesn¡¯t matter. Most actors are unrepentant misanthropes.¡± said Bede. ¡°If Vance could ever pull his head out of his own butt he might make a good stage performer.¡± Ash adjusted the jacket. ¡°I should have come to the city years ago. I¡¯ve finally found other people as dramatic as meee!¡± ¡°What a wonderful revelation for you.¡± Jack snorted. ¡°You two aren¡¯t doing anything are you?¡± asked Bede. ¡°Actually-¡± ¡°Good. Come with me. I need someone to help set up my lighting plot.¡± Pull 65 Snow cone redux ¡°Are you ready?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m ready.¡± Privati rolled her eyes. Ave tilted her head. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Of course I¡¯m sure. Stop asking questions and-¡± *Ka-Sloop* Ave shoved the ball of Privati¡¯s upper humerus back into her shoulder joint. ¡°Hnnn! Hyuu Fhhkinh Whhch!¡± Privati screamed as she covered her mouth with her good arm. Ave patted her on the back. ¡°Sorry. I didn¡¯t want you to tense up.¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± Privati slouched back into the chair she was sitting in. ¡°That was very good Ave.¡± Rosy nodded. ¡°Basic first aid is part of Guard training.¡± said Ave. Privati was seated on a wooden chair in front of a snow cone stand. The stand was decorated with an exaggerated cartoon bear. The servers also wore bear costumes. The snow cone cups had little paw prints drawn on them. ¡°I brought snow cones.¡± said Alli. Alli balanced multiple paper cones between the fingers of her hands. She handed a snow cone to Rosy, Ave, and Privati. Privati rolled the ice from her snow cone over her shoulder. Alli bit into her snow cone with ravenous bites. Rosy took shy pecks out of hers. Ave scraped away at her snow cone with her teeth until the ice was even with the top of the paper cup that it was in. Alli finished her shaved ice and dropped the paper wrapper into a garbage bin. Rosy held out her cone as an offering. Alli took it. ¡°Thanks. I haven¡¯t eaten all day. Privati woke me up before dawn and told me to meet her on the top of the hill for a new test flight. I had to glue feathers onto that wax bird for three hours.¡± ¡°Try to take it easy. Those snow cones are nothing but water and sugar. There¡¯s no protein in them.¡± said Rosy. *Alli made a noise like an angry bumblebee* Alli was dressed in a scrivener¡¯s robe with wide sleeves made from soft wool. She was shorter than Ave but for some reason the robe seemed to have been made for a woman twice her size. The extra material was tied up around her waist with cloth cords. Her long sleeves were pinned up around her elbows. Her lower arms were ringed with a series of charm bracelets loaded with anywhere from thirty four to thirty nine charms. A bow and arrow charm dangled from the end of her horn-rimmed glasses. Privati¡¯s hair was pulled back in a tight braid that rested against her neck. She was wearing a custom faux leather jacket over a linen jumpsuit. A pair of welding goggles dangled from a strap around her neck. Ave chewed the paper of her snow cone. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m curious. What were you doing on top of that giant wooden goose?¡± ¡°I was flying.¡± stated Privati. ¡°She was attempting to fly.¡± said Alli. ¡°I almost made it over the middle of the city.¡± ¡°Until you crashed. Like you do every time!¡± ¡°You¡¯ve attempted this before?¡± asked Rosy. ¡°Don¡¯t get her started.¡± Alli crumpled her snow cone wrapper. Privati held up two fingers. ¡°I was close this time. I only have to figure out the proper weight to materials balance. We¡¯re very close. The wax was working until it melted and then caught on fire.¡± ¡°I keep telling you it is impossible for a bird to fly with a person on top of it. Even a bird of that size.¡± said Alli. Ave¡¯s hair fell in front of her eyes. ¡°I¡¯ve seen an eagle carry a goat over a mountain. I know that it¡¯s possible for a flying creature to carry another animal under its own power. If we can discover the correct size of bird we can finally unlock the secrets of flight.¡± said Privati. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. ¡°You crashed into a building!¡± shouted Alli. ¡°That building was due for demolition anyway.¡± ¡°No it wasn¡¯t.¡± ¡°Well it should be. Terrible balcony placement. And I almost managed to steer out of the way.¡± Privati tilted her torso to the side. ¡°So the two of you are working together?¡± Rosy pointed a finger between Privati and Alli. ¡°I¡¯m not. I¡¯m being financially blackmailed.¡± said Alli. Privati held a hand up over her mouth. ¡°Alli works at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. I use her to siphon funds away from the Gambling Hall to support my experiments.¡± ¡°Wow. You just told us something incredibly sensitive without any hesitation.¡± said Rosy. ¡°You two look like Adventurers. Since neither of you are from Kaseihgaeu so I¡¯m not worried about it.¡± ¡°And what do you get out of all this?¡± Rosy asked Alli. Alli pulled her sleeves down over her arms. ¡°Nothing. No one. I¡¯m only an observer. That¡¯s all.¡± ¡°Hey you!¡± Privati shouted at a passing Street Bee. ¡°Yes?¡± The merchant looked over at the group. ¡°You got any grade one anti-inflammatories?¡± Privati asked. ¡°Uh, yes?¡± ¡°Good. Give¡¯em here.¡± She held out a hand. The Street Bee gave her a handful of sprigs. ¡°And sugar?¡± The Street Bee handed her some more sprigs. ¡°And caffeine?¡± The Street Bee handed her even more sprigs. Privati elbowed Alli. Alli paid the vendor from her purse. Privati tore the ends off of the wax sprigs and squeezed the jelly out into the last of the syrup in her snow cone. She mushed the slurry together and then drank it all in one *Gulp*. Rosy pulled at a twist of her hair. ¡°It¡¯s probably none of my business, but why are you doing something so clearly dangerous like attempting to fly?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. It is none of your business.¡± said Privati. Ave raised an eyebrow at Rosy. Rosy raised a finger to her lips and winked. Alli hunched over and played with the charms on her wrists. ¡°Have you ever heard of l''appel du vide?¡± Privati asked. ¡°No.¡± said Rosy. ¡°It¡¯s something our tutor from Franz once talked about. It¡¯s part of why I was sent to live with Aunt House.¡± Privati sat back and rubbed her shoulder. ¡°Ever since I was little I had a fascination with high places. I would climb trees and stand on the edge of rooftops. My parents were always mad at me because they thought I was trying to jump off of a building when they weren¡¯t looking. I couldn¡¯t explain it to them. I only knew that I needed to be up in the air. I even used to have constant dreams about falling through the clouds.¡± Privati looked up into the sky. ¡°I assumed that maybe I was just crazy. That there was no fixing me. But then one day I saw a painting of a dungeon pictogram. Someone had carved a bunch of weird figures into the wall of the dungeon. They were naked women but some of them had animal features. Girls with cat ears or the tail of a fish. Stuff like that.¡± ¡°Archeologists like to say that they¡¯re pictures of ancient shadowbeasts but I¡¯m not so sure.¡± Alli pushed her glasses up her nose. ¡°One of the pictures caught my attention. It was a figure with the body of a woman, but she had the wings of a bird instead of arms. Someone somewhere had seen or maybe only dreamed of a winged human. Either way I knew that they had felt what I felt. That was when I knew I wasn¡¯t crazy. I was born to fly.¡± Privati closed her eyes. ¡°The problem is how. I already tried putting feathers on my arms. That idea went nowhere and got me sent to live with my aunt.¡± Privati kicked a pebble with her boot. ¡°My new plan is to use a giant bird replica and ride it like a tarpan. But as you saw today, steering is¡­ a problem. If only I could find a bird big enough to carry a human rider.¡± Ave chewed a fingernail. ¡°Maybe if you didn¡¯t wear such high heels while you piloted your glider?¡± Rosy looked down at Privati¡¯s boots. Privati angled her foot to the side exposing her eight centimeter heels. ¡°Anything to get me away from the ground.¡± ¡°You wear those all the time?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t even spit on the ground.¡± Alli nodded. ¡°She¡¯s not kidding. She even showers in sandals.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t even be buried. When I die I¡¯m going to be set out on a platform in the mountains so that the birds can take me.¡± said Privati. Rosy shrugged. ¡°I would tell you that this is a dangerous course of action, but you¡¯ve clearly indicated you have no interest in taking my advice so I¡¯m not going to say anything more.¡± ¡°What about you? Do you have any judgements?¡± Privati said to Ave. Ave blinked. ¡°Sorry. I wasn¡¯t entirely paying attention. You said something about hating the ground?¡± Privati pouted. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m trying to unlock the secrets of flight. But it¡¯s only my life¡¯s goal so whatever.¡± ¡°It seems like an unnecessary risk for a form of transportation. What if you get stuck in the air?¡± Ave said. Privati rolled her eyes and rubbed her shoulder. Ave looked up at a mockingbird flying overhead. ¡°However, I admire your tenacity for exploring the possibilities of aerial travel. I respect anyone with a strong resolve.¡± ¡°Uh, thanks.¡± said Privati. Ave looked across the street at the snow cone stand. Gilt Hommage delivered another sheet of ice to the costumed bear that was working at the front counter of the stand. Ave folded her paper snow cone wrapper in half, then in half again, and again, until it was reduced to a sharp triangular sliver. Pull 66 High Drama ?Toot do do do doot? ¡°Blistering barnacles, are you playing that trumpet or smashing it?¡± The Daedal Keyboardist said. ¡°I¡¯m warming up. Not that I expect a pianist like yourself to be familiar with the concept.¡± said the Panicked Trumpeter. ¡°That instrument sounds like it is trying to escape from your untalented hands.¡± The Daedal Keyboardist shuffled the sheet music on the bench of his piano. ¡°Be honest, you only picked the piano because you need something to hide you from the audience.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter went back to warming up. ¡°You two had better get all the bile out of your bladders before showtime. I don¡¯t want to hear this while I¡¯m saving this show from becoming an embarrassment later.¡± The Bandaged Cleric continued her finger warm ups exercises on the neck of her cello. # The Amphitheater was located in the middle of a public park. The stage was a raised stone platform almost sixteen meters wide in an oval shape. The stage was divided in half by a metal gantry mounted with ropes and pulleys. Two massive metal towers were placed next tot he gantry and covered with felt curtains. There was a large, hollow concrete cone that formed an acoustic shell over the back half of the stage. A number of large rubber cables ran from one end of the stage to the other. The grass clearing in front of the theater platform sloped up and away from the stage. It was filled with hundreds of wooden benches set out in a semicircular pattern. While the band made polite conversation in the back of the Amphitheater, Ash was upstage standing over a red x that had been taped onto the floor of the stage. He was dressed in the leather costume from before. Ash held a pose with his feet shoulder width apart and his hands on his hips. He tried not to move around too much. Bede climbed a ladder next to a spotlight that was mounted next on a tripod at the edges of the stage. He held a box under one arm. He removed a sheet of colored gelatin and held it up so that it was in front of the light. Bede looked over at Ash on the stage. He frowned, put the gel back, then pulled out another. ¡°How long have you been a director?¡± Ash shouted over the bickering musicians. ¡°All my life.¡± Bede replied. ¡°How many shows have you put on?¡± ¡°This will be my first.¡± ¡°Huh, but you said-¡± ¡°I have always been destined for theater. I just didn''t know it until I walked onstage for the first time.¡± Bede held up another gel. He threw it away in disgust. ¡°Have you ever acted before?¡± ¡°I was in a play in school.¡± said Ash. ¡°What was your role?¡± ¡°Tree number 3.¡± ¡°You certainly have the arms for it.¡± Bede looked at Ash through a gel. ¡°Hey!¡± ¡°Sorry. I didn''t mean for that to sound like an insult. But skinny actors typically get supporting roles. That''s how it is in theater. They''re harder to see on stage.¡± Bede adjusted the shutters on the spotlight. *Grumble* ¡°And harder to light.¡± Ash squinted into the light. ¡°Are you using arc lamps to light the stage?¡± This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°That¡¯s right. It¡¯s revolutionary. Normally arc lamps are used for commercial or industrial buildings, but I¡¯m going to be powering the whole stage with arc energy.¡± ¡°Aren''t those expensive?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± Bede tossed a gel over his shoulder. ¡°Who is Ash dressed as?¡± Jack leaned back from his seat on a bench in the front row of the Amphitheater. ¡°That costume looks familiar, but I can¡¯t quite place it.¡± ¡°Constantine Grimager.¡± Bede yelled back across the seating. Jack slapped his hands together. ¡°That¡¯s right! The main character of ¡®Fish Cage of the War Gods.¡¯ I thought he looked familiar. I used to hate that play when I was a kid.¡± ¡°And now?¡± ¡°I still hate it.¡± Vance leaned over in the seat next to Jack. ¡°Everyone hates that play. It¡¯s a historical drama chronicling the fall of an ancient kingdom to an army of shadowbeasts told exclusively from the perspective of the military generals as they fill out supply requisitions. It is the most boring play ever written.¡± ¡°Why is it so popular then?¡± asked Jack. ¡°Because, it is the most boring play ever written.¡± said Bede. ¡°Huh?¡± said Jack. Bede spun the spotlight at Jack and Vance. ¡°As a historical drama chronicling the fall of an ancient kingdom to an army of shadowbeasts told exclusively from the perspective of the military generals as they fill out supply requisitions, people assume that it is educational. It doesn¡¯t matter that most people can only name one of the characters in the cast. Most people still perceive it as high art even if they don¡¯t enjoy it. The context of the play is more important than the script.¡± Jack shielded his eyes. ¡°But Ash is dressed like one of those characters. Why are you putting on a play if you don¡¯t like the script?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to ignore the script.¡± Bede smiled. Vance lounged on the bench he was sitting on. ¡°From what I¡¯ve seen you¡¯re also going to ignore good taste.¡± Bede targeted the light on Vance. ¡°Vance, you¡¯re as clever as a houseplant and twice as dirty.¡± ¡°Well you¡¯re as dumb as a bag of hammers.¡± ¡°Try not to leave a trail of slime when you slither off that bench.¡± Bede spun the spotlight back onto Jack. ¡°You there, you look pretty strong. Lift him up.¡± He pointed at Ash on stage. ¡°What? Why?¡± Jack blinked. ¡°Come on Jack. If you don¡¯t help out then I¡¯ll be the only one in the spotlight.¡± Ash called down from the stage. Jack rolled up his sleeves. He climbed onto the stage and grabbed Ash by the waist. He lifted the other boy over his head. ¡°That¡¯s great.¡± said Bede. ¡°Now hold him there.¡± Bede angled the spotlight up at Ash. He pulled out a different box of gels and started sorting through them. ¡°I kind of like looking down on you.¡± Ash said. ¡°Can I throw him? Would that help the play?¡± Jack asked Bede. ¡°It might.¡± said Bede. ¡°What?¡± Ash looked up. ¡°I¡¯m not running ¡®Fish Cage of the War Gods¡¯ as it was originally written. I¡¯m adapting and combining it with another play. I¡¯m going to create an entirely new form of theater.¡± Bede held up another gel. ¡°What play are you combining it with?¡± asked Jack. ¡°I¡¯m going to add in scenes and characters from ¡®I Want to be Your Canary.¡¯¡± said Bede. ¡°I love that play.¡± said Jack. ¡°Me too.¡± said Ash. The two boys looked at each other. They frowned in unison. ¡°But, aren¡¯t those to plays in different languages?¡± asked Jack. ¡°¡®I Want to be Your Canary¡¯ was originally written in Franz¨¦s. So I¡¯ve made some alterations to parts of the script.¡± said Bede. ¡°Don¡¯t they also have completely different themes as well?¡± asked Ash. Bede shuffled a series of gels in front of the spotlight in quick succession. ¡°One is comedy and one is drama, but I don¡¯t see that as a problem.¡± ¡°Won¡¯t the audience be confused if the tone of the story keeps changing from one scene to the next?¡± ¡°Why does a story have to be either a comedy or a drama? Why can¡¯t it include both? The focus of the story should be the journey of the characters. As long as I can keep people invested in the adventures of the characters then they¡¯ll want to follow along no matter what happens in the story.¡± Bede nodded to himself. ¡°I suppose that could work. But you would have to be a really good writer to manage something like that.¡± said Jack. ¡°Yeah, but what if you¡¯re not a really good writer?¡± Vance shouted from the audience. ¡°Then let¡¯s hope that these !Fireworks! will distract people long enough so that they won¡¯t notice!¡± Bede pulled out a box of paper tubes with fuses attached to the ends. ¡°Also, all of the actors are going to be children!¡± Pull 67 Fire in a Crowded Theater ¡°Now hold still. I want to see how the light reacts with you two on stage.¡± Bede lit one of the fireworks. He aimed it up into the sky. *Fssszzz¡­*Ka-Boom* ¡°Not again Bede. We just finished putting out the last fire.¡± The Bandaged Cleric shouted at him from backstage. ¡°Sorry. That¡¯s right. Vance! Get the curtain so that we don¡¯t bother the band.¡± Bede yelled. Vance climbed out of his seat. ¡°I¡¯m on it.¡± ¡°Is it safe to use fireworks during a play?¡± Jack asked. ¡°There¡¯s no rule against it.¡± said Bede. ¡°Don¡¯t you need permission from the Mayor to use them in the city?¡± ¡°Kaseihgaeu has no Mayor.¡± Bede smiled. ¡°Well where did you even get them?¡± ¡°I summoned them.¡± ¡°Aren¡¯t summoned explosives incredibly dangerous?¡± Jack took a step back. ¡°Dangerous yes, illegal no.¡± Bede winked. Vance climbed up to the rigging over the middle of the stage. He pressed a button. There was a mechanical *Whirring* sound. A heavy curtain dropped down to cover the back of the stage. Bede aimed a confetti popper at the curtain and pulled the string to set it off. *Pop* Paper streamers hit the curtain above Vance¡¯s head. ¡°Ah! You manky git!¡± Vance shouted in surprise. He pulled the confetti and paper strings out of his hair. Vance reached behind the curtain and pulled out another box of firecrackers. He grabbed a bundle of snaps and began throwing them across the stage at Bede. *Pop* *Crack* *Poof* ¡°Is this, theater?¡± Jack stood in place and watched. ¡°If it is, I wish I had joined sooner.¡± said Ash. Bede pulled a bottle rocket out of the box he was holding. ¡°Hey! No projectiles! You know the rules.¡± Vance shouted. ¡°Untangle your testicles, I wasn¡¯t going to light it.¡± Bede waved dismissively at Vance. As he waved his hand Bede held the bottle rocket just a little too close to the spotlight. *Kfffsss¡­* The fuse ignited as it touched the heated housing of the spotlight. ¡°Oops.¡± Bede licked two of his fingers and pressed them against the lit fuse. *Sizzle* The fuse went out. ¡°There. Now let¡¯s get back to-¡± *Ker-sprrreee* A stray ember reignited the bottle rocket and it shot off into the sky. It exploded with a loud *Bang*. Bede tipped over in surprise and dropped his box of fireworks. He tumbled over the edge of the proscenium into the seating. Several quick *Bang*Bang*Bang* followed as the pressure sensitive poppers in his box detonated. Ash, Jack, and Vance ran to the side of the stage. ¡°Are you alright?¡± Ash asked. Bede rolled over. Several boxes were crushed beneath him. An orange lighting gel was stuck to his face. Bede rubbed his elbow. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine. The boxes are ruined but I can always summon some more.¡± Bede held up the box of crumpled fireworks. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing that nothing else was damaged.¡± The smoking remains of the bottle rocket fell down from above and landed in the center of the box. ¡°Oh.¡± Bede dropped the box and ran. # Ash, Jack, Vance, and Bede sat on the edge of the stage. They were each of them covered with a layer of dust and soot. They started listlessly into the smoking crater in front of them. The curtain behind them on the stage was pockmarked with burning holes. The Panicked Trumpeter was laying on the ground breathing into a bag while the Bandaged Cleric fanned them with a sheet of music. ¡°Dancing dolphin dicks Bede! How are we supposed to attract a crowd when you keep setting fire to the theater.¡± The Daedal Keyboardist kicked a wooden bench that had been charbroiled by the fireworks. ¡°This was an accident.¡± Bede rubbed some dirt off of his neck. ¡°And the incident this morning?¡± ¡°An unintended preview.¡± ¡°And the other four incidents this week?¡± ¡°Only some unforeseen complications.¡± The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°If your complications were chords I could conduct a symphony. I¡¯m starting to see a pattern here Bede and I don¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°Look it¡¯s fine. Nobody got hurt this time.¡± *Cough* ¡°Much¡­¡± Bede adjusted his singed jacket. The Daedal Keyboardist put his hands on his hips. ¡°I don¡¯t care about that!. Look at the spotlight.¡± The pianist pointed at the sparking, half burned arc lamp at the edge of the stage. ¡°That is going to be expensive.¡± Bede frowned. ¡°I joined you because you promised me the most technically impressive theater spectacle that the world has ever seen.¡± The Daedal Keyboardist stomped his foot. ¡°I did.¡± said Bede. ¡°Well at this rate I¡¯m going to be performing inside of a crater if you don¡¯t quit having so many unintended previews. Just promise me that you will fix the stage and that you won¡¯t set off any more fireworks until it¡¯s time for us to perform.¡± ¡°I promise. I¡¯ll be more careful from now on.¡± Bede hung his head. ¡°I don¡¯t care if you¡¯re careful. I just want you to save the explosions for opening night.¡± Bede looked behind him out into the park. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure it¡¯s taken care of. Now go get the band. I don¡¯t want our actors to see someone having a panic attack on the stage.¡± Bede waved at the Daedal Keyboardist. The Keyboardist frowned, then went to check on the Trumpeter. Bede stood up and faced the seating area. He tried to brush as much dirt off of his clothes as he could. A group of local children were running across the grass towards the amphitheater. ¡°Mr Bede did you set off another explosion again?¡± asked one of the children. Bede smiled. ¡°I did.¡± (Bede could feel the eyes of the Daedal Keyboardist burning a hole in the back of his head.) ¡°But that was only a test run for the performance. The real fireworks will be better controlled. Now tell me, did you get permission from your parents to participate in the play?¡± The children all answered at once. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Mine said no.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t ask yet.¡± Bede held his hands in front of his face. ¡°Look kids we¡¯ve been over this. You need to get permission from your parents so that we can start auditions for the different parts of the play.¡± One of the kids held up their hand. ¡°My mother said that children aren¡¯t actors. She said that only grown ups can be actors. She also said that you¡¯re really weird for hanging around kids all the time.¡± ¡°You can tell your mother that I don¡¯t need her approval to create an entirely new genre of theater. You can tell her that her child has a wonderful singing voice. You can tell her that stifling her child¡¯s creativity will be a mistake that she will regret for the rest of her life. *Forced Smile* You can also tell her that she is a beautiful woman and that I look forward to working with her very much.¡± The child gave a thumbs up. ¡°I will tell my mom that she¡¯s beautiful for stuffing creativity. Got it!¡± Bede addressed the group of children. ¡°Good. Now the same goes for the rest of you. Go home and get those permission slips signed.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll try Mr Bede.¡± said the kids. ¡°Don¡¯t give me your ¡®try¡¯. Give me your ¡®best¡¯.¡± Bede patted his pockets. ¡°Here, I¡¯ll give you some poppers.¡± Bede held up a bag of paper fireworks. He passed them out to the children. ¡°Yay!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t throw them at each other.¡± The children immediately started throwing the poppers at each other. One child looked up at the stage. ¡°Mr Bede, should we tell our parents that your stage caught on fire again?¡± ¡°No, you can leave that part out.¡± # ¡°You weren¡¯t kidding about having children be the actors in your play were you?¡± said Jack. Ash, Jack, Bede, and Vance were back in the apartment. The four of them peeled out of their fire roasted, crispy costumes. ¡°I was not.¡± Bede stripped down to his short pants. He used a washcloth to clean his face. ¡°Is it wise to give explosives to children?¡± asked Jack. ¡°Who is going to tell me not to give explosives to children, the Mayor?¡± ¡°Ha ha ha.¡± Everyone except Jack had a good laugh. Ash held up the costume he had been wearing. ¡°So that¡¯s why the costume is so small. I was meant for a child.¡± ¡°Then it¡¯s a good thing you haven¡¯t grown since you were in grade school Ash.¡± Jack smirked. ¡°You¡¯re only envious that someone recognized my talent for acting.¡± Ash smirked. ¡°Considering how Constantine Grimager is supposed to be an insufferable twat I would call that perfect casting.¡± said Jack. Ash hit him in the face with a washcloth. *Splat* Jack responded by rolling his towel up and using it to whip Ash. Ash responded the same way. The two of them took turns whipping each other with their towels. *Whap* *Whap* *Whap* ¡°Hey! Stop that. You¡¯re making a mess in my apartment.¡± Bede yelled at them. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± Bede took his time sorting through the hanging costumes as he looked for something to wear. ¡°Do you know what I was when I was a child?¡± ¡°Younger?¡± said Ash. ¡°No! I was bored.¡± Bede held up a satin waistcoat. ¡°I had a habit of making trouble. My parents sent me to live with my Aunt because they thought I needed discipline. They thought that I needed structure. My Aunt has all the money in the world so it was no inconvenience for her. It was trivial for her to take us in and hire the finest tutors to raise us.¡± ¡°No amount of education will make a peacock not a peacock.¡± said Vance. ¡°And chicken in a tailored suit is still a chicken.¡± said Bede. Vance threw a feather boa around his neck. ¡°Hmph!¡± Bede pulled an undershirt over his head. ¡°When I was a child no matter how many books I read or essays I wrote nothing changed. I was still bored. I didn¡¯t want to learn. I wanted to run and scream and yell and set things on fire. And then one day our Franz¨¨s tutor took us to see a famous Franz¨¨s play ¡®Histoire de Romulus la Table des Chevaliers.¡± It was the single greatest thing that I have ever seen in my life.¡± ¡°At least until you met me.¡± said Vance. ¡°Life is a series of meetings and partings. Some partings can¡¯t come soon enough.¡± said Bede. ¡°So that was when you realized that you wanted to be in theater?¡± asked Jack. ¡°That was when I realized that I wanted to make theater.¡± said Bede. The young man walked over to the window. He placed his hands on the glass and stared out at the park across the street. ¡°On that day I discovered the theater I discovered my true calling. The theater is a magical place where not only were you allowed to run, and scream, and yell, and set things on fire, but it is actually expected. Everyone thinks that the theater is a polite institution. That the purpose of plays is to show off culture and decorum. But I¡¯ve seen more philanthropists sleep through high art than I¡¯ve seen rats in the town sewers.¡± Vance looked over at Ash and Jack. ¡°That¡¯s not an understatement. In a city like Kaseihgaeu there are a lot of rats.¡± Bede pressed his hands against the glass of the window. The frame creaked under pressure. ¡°I¡¯m going to show the world children¡¯s theater. A performance by children, for children. I¡¯m going to show them a spectacle so magnificent that no one will be able to look away. I¡¯m going to stimulate their little minds until they explode.¡± ¡°You make it sound like there¡¯s going to be violence on stage.¡± said Ash. ¡°I can only hope.¡± Bede turned around. ¡°Vance! What are you doing? I told you not to get into the crafting supplies. Those are for the kids¡¯ costumes.¡± Vance shoved a box behind his back. ¡°I was looking for some sewing thread. This cravat is too tight.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because it¡¯s supposed to be a pair of spats. Those go on your feet! *Crash* And now you¡¯ve dropped everything. Look at this, there is glitter everywhere. Don¡¯t touch anything else.¡± ¡°Stop grabbing! I¡¯ve got it!¡± Vance yelled. *Slap*Slap*Slap* A glitter encrusted piece of cloth slid across the floor. Ash leaned over and picked it up. He stared at it. There was a pink glitter handprint outlined on the fabric. It was identical in every way to Vance¡¯s own hand. ¡°Interesting.¡± Ash said. In the background Vance and Bede took turns whipping each other with rolled up towels. Pull 68 Decompression Ash and Jack reached the front of the Restaurant at the same time as Luke, Ted, and Cophin. They all congregated in front of the Restaurant and just sort of stood there for a few seconds. Cophin looked around at the others. ¡°I see we all had a productive day.¡± Ash and Jack shrugged in their theater costumes. Luke and Ted didn¡¯t say anything. The five of them turned to see Ave and Rosy walking up one end of the street. Then they turned the other direction to watch Tasha, Plinth, Eins, and Lux walking up from the opposite end. The entire group stood in front of the Eatery. Across the street the arc lamps inside the Galaxy Lip restaurant flickered on. The street was bathed in multicolored artificial light. Wandering tourists looked over at the group and whispered to themselves. Cophin snorted and looked around at everyone''s faces. ¡°Crap in a hat Lux, what did ya do? Why does everyone look so miserable?¡± he snarked. Lux paid absolutely no attention to Cophin''s bait. He held up his repaired blender. ¡°Can I interest anyone in a fresh smoothie?¡± Cophin slapped the device. ¡°Get that out of here. What these people need is a big bowl of raw spinach. That¡¯ll fix what''s wrong with ya.¡± He slapped Ted and Luke playfully on the stomach. ¡°As you say sir.¡± Ted shrugged. Lux looked over his shoulder. ¡°Look at that. Barely open and there is already a line out the door. I should return to my overwhelmingly popular restaurant so that I can start prepping for dinner. See you all later. Thank you again for your help Tasha.¡± Tasha nodded slightly. Lux turned and walked into the Galaxy Lip. Cophin put his hands on his hips. No one else said anything. ¡°Come on people. We''re in the service industry. Why does everyone look so sad? Forget it. Everyone head inside.¡± He opened the door. ¡°Hit the can, take a quick 5. When you come back out I expect ta see smiling faces.¡± Cophin waved everyone inside. Ash and Luke walked in. Cophin put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Luke you''ve had a hard day. You can take 15¡± Luke politely nodded and walked on. Ave walked over and picked up Eins. Tasha itched her arm. ¡°Ave, can I talk to you inside? You too Rosy.¡± *Rattle* Rosy put a hand on the sword she was carrying. She nodded at Tasha. ¡°Sure. Let¡¯s all get changed before work.¡± They headed into the building. Cophin looked at Jack. ¡°Who are you then?¡± Ted nudged Jack. ¡°This is Jack. We¡¯re both childhood friends of Luke and Ash. Isn¡¯t that right Jack.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± Jack nudged Ted back. ¡°You two don¡¯t need a job, or a place to stay do you?¡± Cophin crossed his arms. Jack ran a hand through his hair. ¡°Hardly. We¡¯re guests of Lady House and are staying at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± ¡°Do you have any money?¡± ¡°Jack¡¯s father is the Mayor. We have a small allowance that he has arranged for us-¡± Jack elbowed Ted. ¡°Is that right? Please, come in.¡± Cophin held the door open for them. # ¡°And then he climbed right up onto my arm without another word. And now he¡¯s stuck here and won¡¯t come off.¡± Tasha sat on the floor in front of Rosy in their room. Rosy sat on the edge of the bed. Rosy pulled Tasha¡¯s hair into three parts. She crossed the left part over the middle, then the right part over the left. She repeated this process over and over with a steady rhythm. ¡°Does it hurt? Having Tripillli on your arm I mean.¡± she asked. Tasha shook her arm. ¡°No, not really. He¡¯s heavy but there¡¯s no pinching or chafing. He¡¯s honestly the most comfortable piece of jewelry I¡¯ve ever worn. But still, this isn¡¯t right is it?¡± Ave kneeled on the bed behind Rosy. She ran a brush through Rosy¡¯s hair. Eins sat on her lap and untangled the ends with its paws. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I spent my entire life without ever having met a god, or a spirit, or a whatever before. Now I¡¯ve met like half a dozen in as many days. I mean I¡¯ve always heard tales about Shadowbeasts, but those were rare and dangerous monsters that lived in the wild. Not, whatever this is.¡± She ran her finger along the edge of Tripillli¡¯s shell. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to tell you.¡± Rosy yanked on a strand of Tasha¡¯s hair. Tasha rotated her arm. ¡°Still, this is weird right? He sort of appeared, then attached himself to me without any warning. Aren¡¯t spirits supposed to be wise and powerful? Why would one of them cling on to a human like they are in desperate need of emotional support? That can¡¯t be normal can it?¡± Ave and Rosy said nothing. # ¡°So why do you look like Constantine Grimager?¡± Ted asked. Jack, Ted, Ash, and Luke stood in the courtyard behind the Restaurant. The four of them crowded around a water spigot and took turns washing their faces with soap. ¡°I was in a play.¡± Ash wiped his face with a towel. ¡°That¡¯s incredible. Did you audition?¡± said Ted. ¡°Nope. I was selected because of my natural talent.¡± ¡°He was chosen because he was the only one skinny enough to fit into a children¡¯s costume.¡± said Jack. ¡°Natural talent.¡± repeated Ash. ¡°Isn¡¯t Constantine Grimrager an insufferably annoying hairsplitter in that play?¡± Ted asked. ¡°I have to admit that it is perfect casting.¡± said Jack. ¡°Natural, talent!¡± Ash passed his towel to Luke. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Luke looked up. ¡°Huh? Oh nothing.¡± Ash looked at Ted. ¡°We, uh, saw Mr Eaup¨¦ril on our way back today.¡± Ted pulled a towel around his neck. ¡°What? Really? Luke¡¯s father is in town?¡± Ash dropped his towel. ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Ted tilted his head back. ¡°Did he say anything when you saw him?¡± ¡°No, not really.¡± ¡°Man, Luke, I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ash put a hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. Luke let water drip off his nose. ¡°It¡¯s fine. I mean I haven¡¯t seen him in four years, but it¡¯s fine. I¡¯m not even sure what we would talk about. Or what I would say to him.¡± Ash punched his palm. ¡°I wish I had been there. I would have said something. Probably. I don''t know what, but it would have been something.¡± Ted frowned. ¡°I''m sorry Luke. I was there and I couldn''t think of anything to say at all.¡± Ted put a heavy hand on Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I''m sorry too.¡± said Ash. Ash put a hand on Luke¡¯s other shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m sure that was very upsetting. But it is good to see you.¡± Jack slapped Luke on the back. Ash looked over at Jack. ¡°You call that consolation? This is how you really commiserate with someone.¡± Ash jammed his arms under Luke¡¯s armpits. He braced his legs and lifted Luke into the air. ¡°Hurrrgh. That''s right. Feel the stress leaving your body. *Wheeze*¡± Ash¡¯s elbows shook as he embraced Luke. ¡°Here, let me help.¡± said Ted. Ted stepped up and threw his arms around both Ash and Luke. He lifted the two of them with a full-arm grapple. Ash and Luke dangled in the air over the larger boy. ¡°Feeling sympathetic yet Jack.¡± Ash said from above. ¡°Piss off. I''ll show you how compassionate I can be.¡± Jack rolled up his sleeves. Jack stepped up. He spread his legs, crouched down, and grabbed the three other boys all at the same time around their waists. With a mighty heave he lifted the rest of them into the air. ¡°Grrr¡­ there. How''s that for the power of friendship.¡± Jack growled. ¡°Good job Jack. we have become one!¡± shouted Ted. ¡°How did all of you get so strong?¡± Ash squirmed. ¡°My shoulders bear the responsibility of the world.¡± Jack yelled with exertion. Luke smiled from the middle of the man-crush. Jack''s foot dipped into a puddle of water on the ground. *Crash* The entire group of boys was slammed into the ground. ¡°Aaah! Is everyone okay?¡± Ted rolled over. ¡°I landed directly on my elbow.¡± Ash rocked back and forth and rubbed his arm. ¡°Ted, your foot is in my ribs.¡± Jack groaned. The group of boys crawled off of each other and picked themselves up. # ¡°And then he ate all of my crystals.¡± Tasha sat on the edge of the bed next to her cosmetics case. Her hand made furious circles as she applied foundation to her cheek. Rosy sat on the bed next to her. Ave leaned over behind Rosy and pulled a lock of her hair through a pattern she was weaving. Eins was chewing on one of its back legs next to her. ¡°All of them?¡± asked Rosy. ¡°Yes. As far as I can tell.¡± Tasha pouted. ¡°Didn¡¯t you hide your crystals in your carriage?¡± asked Ave. ¡°Yeah, but it didn¡¯t matter since he has been living in my carriage since I don¡¯t know when.¡± ¡°Hmmm.¡± Ave looked down. ¡°Eins, can you eat summon crystals?¡± she asked the dog. ¡°I can.¡± Eins replied. ¡°But you also eat regular food.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. I don¡¯t need to eat food to survive. Not in the same way that you do. But just like a human, spirits can absorb mana from the food we eat.¡± ¡°Alchemists are always saying that root vegetables and fermented foods are higher in mana content than regular food.¡± Rosy said. Tasha examined her eyebrows in a hand mirror. ¡°I always thought that¡¯s what they told little children to get them to eat more green vegetables.¡± ¡°Nine out of ten Alchemists can¡¯t be wrong.¡± Rosy said. ¡°Can a human eat a summon crystal?¡± asked Ave. ¡°I don''t think so. At least, my parents always told me not to.¡± Tasha said. Eins stomped its paw. ¡°Your parents were right. For a human it''s basically the same as eating a rock. A summon crystal is purified mana. A spirit''s body is made from mana so we can absorb that energy. It¡¯s hard to explain to a human¡­ I guess it would be like eating a whole bunch of sugar all at once if that makes sense.¡± ¡°Not really healthy then¡­¡± Tasha shrugged. ¡°That¡¯s right. But, most spirits try to avoid eating summon gems if they can.¡± Eins started chewing on the other leg. ¡°Why is that?¡± asked Rosy. ¡°They don''t taste very good.¡± Pull 69 Service with a Smile ¡°Luke! Get in here!¡± Cophin barked into the courtyard. Luke hustled into the kitchen. ¡°Yes chef.¡± He hastily pulled on an apron. ¡°It''s time to sharpen tha knives.¡± Cophin spread an array of cutlery out on the kitchen counter in front of them. ¡°Huh? But I thought you told me not to touch your knives before.¡± Luke hesitated. ¡°That''s true. And now I''m telling you to do the opposite. So problem solved. Understand?¡± ¡°Yes chef. No chef.¡± Luke wavered. ¡°Just get over here.¡± Cophin made room at the counter. Luke shuffled over to the kitchen counter. Cophin held out the handle of a chef¡¯s knife out to him. Luke took it. Cophin placed two whetstones on the counter, one in front of each of them. ¡°Take the knife in your hand. Get a firm grip. Firmer. Firmer! That''s good. Not follow my example. Use long smooth strokes. The rhythm is tha most important thing. You don''t want ta jerk your hand. That''s how you end up with half a thumb.¡± Cophin held up his hand. He curled his thumb so that Luke could see the shadow of a scar running along the edge of his knuckle. Luke pressed his knife against the whetstone. Cophin observed Luke''s technique. ¡°Good, good, you''re a quick learner. Keep going until I tell ya to stop.¡± # ¡°Sorry. I haven¡¯t had a lot of practice braiding hair.¡± said Ave. ¡°What are you apologizing for? Your braids are very straight.¡± Rosy examined her hair in a small hand mirror. ¡°Thanks.¡± Rosy turned around. ¡°Now let''s finish your hair.¡± ¡°Huh oh you don''t have to do that.¡± Ave turned her face to the side. ¡°Come on. It''s fine. We''re not going to leave you out.¡± Rosy patted the ground in front of her. Ave rocked on her toes, then sat down. Rosy started brushing Ave¡¯s hair out. ¡°Here, let me help.¡± Tasha moved to Ave¡¯s left side and started pulling her hair into plaits. ¡°Wow. Ave, your hair, is uncommonly smooth.¡± said Rosy. ¡°She doesn''t have a single split end either. And she told me she doesn¡¯t use any product. How do you normally wash it?¡± asked Tasha. ¡°Soap?¡± Ave shrugged. ¡°Moons above I am envious of you right now.¡± said Rosy. ¡°Every day when I wake up it¡¯s just like Bleagh!¡± Rosy stuck her tongue out. ¡°And when it¡¯s humid my hair will always go Fzzzt!¡± Tasha threw her hands up over her head. ¡°Mine tends to just go Wuuh.¡± Ave dropped her hands into her lap. The three of them laughed together. ¡°What about me?¡± Eins hopped up and down. ¡°Your hair¡­¡± Ave picked the dog up. ¡°Needs to go Scritch Scritch Scritch!¡± She suddenly flipped the dog over and scratched its belly. ¡°Hehehe.¡± Eins wiggled in her arms. Tasha began layering Ave¡¯s hair into braids behind her ears. Rosy hummed to herself as she braided Ave¡¯s hair. ¡°Tasha, you¡¯ve traveled a lot haven¡¯t you?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Sure. I¡¯ve been all over the Kingdom.¡± Tasha nodded. ¡°And Rosy, you¡¯re an adventurer right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. It wasn¡¯t my first choice of profession, but I¡¯m trying to make the best of it.¡± said Rosy. Ave chewed her lip. ¡°Do either of you have any good ideas for how someone might walk on ice? Without slipping or getting stuck?¡± Tasha grinned. With a flourish she pulled her Collectopedia out of a bag and slammed it down on the bed. ¡°Sister. I have nothing but ideas.¡± # *Snickt*Snickt* The sound of knives moving in unison filled the kitchen. *Snickt*Snickt* Cophin held up his blade. ¡°Good. Now examine tha knife. What do you think?¡± Luke looked at the knife in his hand. ¡°It looks like it was already really sharp. I''m not sure my sharpening did anything.¡± Cophin looked over at Luke. ¡°Probably not. But that''s not why we sharpen tha knives.¡± ¡°It''s not?¡± ¡°No, it is, but not this time.¡± Cophin shrugged. ¡°Cooking is about intent. You have to be focused. Good food doesn''t just happen. It takes hard work ta make a proper meal.¡± With a quick snap Cophin picked up three more knives. He balanced them between his hands. Then he put them back down on the counter and fanned them out in a semicircle. The blades were adeptly aligned. ¡°In here, I have only one thought. Ta provide the best meal I can to my customers.¡± Cophin twirled a knife in the air, then set it back down in the exact same spot. ¡°When I enter my kitchen I put everything behind me. All of my anger and my complaints. Anything that annoyed me during the day. I leave it out there.¡± He pointed a knife at the dining room. The Chef turned and looked at Luke. ¡°I want you ta do that. Leave everything else outside. Do you think you can do that? For me?¡± ¡°Yes chef.¡± # ¡°Is that what you¡¯re going to wear for this evening?¡± Ash looked down at the costume he had on. ¡°I hate to admit it but this is currently the nicest set of clothes that I own.¡± Plinth shrugged his shoulders. ¡°If you¡¯re comfortable with it then I¡¯m comfortable with it. Like we mentioned before, our restaurant has no theme so you¡¯re free to wear whatever you want.¡± This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. Plinth put on a half apron and a loose vest. He applied some cologne to his wrists. ¡°Do you like wearing costumes Ash?¡± Ash shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s my first time wearing one really. It¡¯s just different clothes isn¡¯t it.¡± Plinth straightened his vest. ¡°Not at all. Wearing clothes is an active statement. How we dress is an indicator of how we choose to present ourselves to those around us. In the theater this choice is more pronounced. But I find that personal appearance is as important in daily life as it is on stage.¡± Ash stood up a little straighter. ¡°I suppose.¡± ¡°Cologne?¡± Plinth held out a bottle. ¡°Nah.¡± Ash waved him away. Plinth pulled out a little comb and tidied his hair. Ash rocked on his feet. ¡°I see that Luke and Cophin are getting the food prep done. All of the tables in the dining room are already set. Does this mean that we can relax until we open?¡± "Pwa haha ha ha!" Plinth failed to stifle a laugh. "No no no. Come over here.¡± He waved Ash over to a wooden tray. ¡°Remember this day Ash. I¡¯m about to introduce you to your new all-of-the-time hobby: rolling silverware.¡± # ¡°Is there any way to get him off?¡± Tasha held up her arm. Ave and Rosy stared at the circular creature that was there attached. The three women looked down at Eins. Eins held up a paw. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me. Tripillli has always been¡­ lethargic. I don¡¯t know of any guaranteed way of waking up a sleeping god.¡± Ave reached down and picked up Eins. She ran her hands through the dog¡¯s fur. ¡°I have seen something like this before.¡± She scratched Eins¡¯ ears. ¡°When a spirit wants to, they can be very¡­ stubborn. If we can¡¯t pry him off by force we need to find something else that he will respond to. We could try using boiling water?¡± Tasha frowned. ¡°Not my first choice.¡± Rosy tilted her head towards the hilt of her sword, then straightened back up. ¡°We could try singing.¡± ¡°Singing?¡± Ave frowned. ¡°What like: ?Wake up, wake up?. Like that?¡± Tasha hummed. ¡°Sure. But more soothing. Try to imagine a low vibration. Humming through your whole body.¡± Eins licked its nose. ¡°That might work.¡± Rosy clapped her hands. ¡°Great. Let¡¯s try it. Do you two know Rabbits Rabbits?¡± ¡°The children¡¯s song?¡± ¡°That¡¯s it. Good. Now harmonize with me.¡± Rosy closed her eyes. ???? Tasha and Ave abashedly complied. They hummed together for a few moments before everyone found the right key. ? Rabbits Rabbits, dig your little burrow Don¡¯t let out your light Woof Woof Woof And we all go to sleep ? Chicken Chicken, sit on top your egg Don¡¯t look up at night Peck Peck Peck And we all go to sleep ? Mother Father, spin them round and round Shut the door real tight Drip Drip Drop And we all go to sleep ? ???? As they finished the song the three of them paused. ¡°Ave I don¡¯t know if anyone has ever told you this before but your pitch is perfect.¡± Rosy said. ¡°Oh, uh, thanks.¡± Ave brushed at her hair. There was a *Clicking* as Tripillli¡¯s front segment peeled back. ¡°... where are we¡­*Yawn*... is it morning already¡­¡± Tripillli uncurled. The spirit¡¯s segments slowly slotted into sync until Tripillli was palm sized again. The trilobite rolled down Tasha¡¯s arm and into her hand. ¡°Well, everyone, I guess¡­ meet Tripillli.¡± ¡°Hello.¡± ¡°Hello.¡± Tripillli flattened out until it was as circular as a tea saucer. Its three eyes scanned the room. The crab waved a little claw. ¡°... elllo¡­¡± Eins poked its nose over the corner of the bed. ¡°Hello again Tripillli.¡± ¡°... Eins? Is you?... I thought that I heard¡­ someone else¡­¡± Tripillli¡¯s eyes scanned the room ¡°Don¡¯t worry. We¡¯re all friends here. Did you hear them singing to you?¡± ¡°... singing. Yes. Vibration¡­ in whole of body. Curious. Wanted to see what it was¡­¡± Tasha nodded. ¡°That worked very well. Thank you Rosy.¡± ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± Rosy nodded back. ¡°Okay. Now that that¡¯s over. Tripillli, no more clamping onto people and then not letting go. Do you understand?¡± ¡°... but I am so small¡­ how will I get around¡­?¡± Tripillli waved its little legs. ¡°I¡¯ll put you in my pocket.¡± said Tasha. ¡°... but I am afraid of the dark¡­¡± ¡°Then I¡¯ll think of something.¡± Ave walked to the door. ¡°Looks like everything is fixed for now. We should get back to the restaurant.¡± ¡°Hold on. We can''t have you working up front looking like that.¡± Rosy called her back. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Is this your first service job?¡± Ave fell into rest position. ¡°Sort of. I''ve been in the guard for four years.¡± ¡°You might not be prepared. A job where you patrol the city is different than a job where you wait on people and collect their drink orders.¡± Ave¡¯s eyebrow twitched. ¡°You might be surprised.¡± ¡°Did you do anything before you were in the guard?¡± asked Rosy. ¡°I was a blacksmith''s apprentice.¡± Ave stated. ¡°I know that Cophin is up his own butt about making a restaurant without a theme but people like it when the place that they''re eating at looks nice.¡± Rosy stepped over and opened her luggage. ¡°Have you worked a lot of service jobs Rosy? I thought you were an Adventurer.¡± Tasha asked. ¡°That''s right. It¡¯s given me a lot of experience dealing with people. But I had other jobs before that.¡± Rosy briefly looked off into the middle distance. ¡°I was even a teacher once.¡± Rosy rummaged through her luggage. ¡°But for all of us, this is our first real day in our new position. I think we should make it special.¡± # ¡°So, I guess we should be getting back to the Gambling Hall.¡± Jack folded his towel and set it on a table. Plinth waved a hand. ¡°Don''t say that. There''s no need for you to rush out the door so soon. You should at least stay for dinner.¡± "That''s very kind of you Mr Plinth. We could stay for a little bit. Isn''t that right Jack." Ted looked sideways at Jack. "Well, I guess we could stay for a minute." Jack shrugged. ¡°I insist. Ash, find a table for our first guests of the evening won¡¯t you.¡± Plinth said. ¡°Right away sir.¡± Ash walked Jack and Ted over to the door leading to the courtyard. There was a small table wedged into the corner. "Here you go. Best table in the house." he said. "This is the back corner of the restaurant." Jack frowned. "Sure is. It¡¯s very quiet. There''s no one that will bother you back here." "We''re right next to the kitchen." "You''re right next to the food. No waiting for your order when you''re back here." "It''s great. Thanks so much Ash." Ted took his seat. "Thanks." Jack sat down next to him. # ¡°Order up!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll get it!¡± Luke rushed out of the kitchen and grabbed a plate out of the window. He hustled over to the table and set down a plate of skewers with roasted vegetables on them. Jack looked at the plate, then back at Luke. ¡°Is this all? Don¡¯t you have any dipping sauces?¡± ¡°Ah no, it¡¯s served without sauces.¡± Luke said. ¡°I see.¡± Jack looked around the table. ¡°Do you have any salt or pepper at least?¡± ¡°That is¡­ a delicate question.¡± Jack grabbed a skewer. He started leisurely chewing on the vegetables. ¡°I¡¯m not trying to insult your restaurant, but we appear to be the only customers.¡± Luke and Ash looked up. The dining room was empty. Tourists could be seen strolling past through the front windows. Across the street there was a line around the corner for the Galaxy Lip. The only noise was Cophin chopping ingredients in the kitchen. Plinth polished a wine glass in the empty dining room. ¡°Is it always like this?¡± Ted asked. ¡°Damn. It might be.¡± Ash twisted a roll of silverware in his hands. ¡°They don¡¯t even look concerned that no one is coming in.¡± Jack picked his teeth with a skewer. ¡°Not a smart way to run a business.¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°If they¡¯re not bothered then we-¡± Ash shouted. ¡°This is some bullchips! You become a chef and we don¡¯t have any customers.¡± ¡°Still only an assistant right now-¡± ¡°How are you supposed to learn anything if you don¡¯t practice?¡± Luke nodded. ¡°You¡¯re right. We need to get more people in here. Ash, go annoy us some customers.¡± Luke slapped Ash on the shoulder. Ash tilted his head to the side. ¡°Luke, you know I don''t like using my powers for petty reasons¡­¡± ¡°Hahahaha ha ha¡­¡± ¡°Ha ha ha!¡± All of the boys had a good laugh. ¡°Okay, let me see what I can do.¡± Pull 70 A Nice Evening ¡°Let me take a look¡­¡± Ash and Luke crouched at the doorway to the Restaurant. Ted and Jack peered through the front windows. All four of them were watching the hustle and bustle of the highly successful and universally acclaimed Galaxy Lip restaurant across the street. ¡°You don¡¯t have to do this if you don¡¯t want to.¡± Luke said. ¡°No no, I want to give it a try. Usually I try to trick people into leaving me alone. Now I¡¯m going to trick them into following me. I want to feel the challenge of it.¡± Ash scanned the line of customers for the Galaxy Lip. Tourists were lined up halfway around the block waiting. ¡°Is it right to be stealing customers from a rival restaurant?¡± Jack crossed his arms. ¡°Is there anything illegal about it?¡± Ash said. ¡°No¡­¡± Ash carefully examined the tourists. ¡°Got em!¡± Ash¡¯s eyes locked in on a target. He got up and jogged across the street. # The Impatient Tourist tapped their foot on the ground. ¡°This line is so long. The food had better be worth it.¡± The Impatient Tourist looked down at their mechanical watch then back up at their companion. *Impatient Sigh* Out of nowhere a young man in an aggressively tailored outfit slid up beside them. ¡°Good evening.¡± ¡°Good evening.¡± The Impatient Tourist tried not to make eye contact. ¡°Got someplace to be?¡± ¡°If you must know, we are waiting for a dinner reservation.¡± ¡°At the Galaxy Lip?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°How about everyone else?¡± ¡°What?¡± The young man waved a hand at the line of people. ¡°Do you think that they also have dinner reservations?¡± ¡°Uh¡­ hmmm¡­¡± The Tourist nodded. The young man looked down the line of people that were waiting out in front of the restaurant. The Tourist followed his gaze. "Looks like it might be a while before you get a table." The Impatient Tourist turned to their companion. "What should we do? We have tickets to meet with the fish trainer after this." "If you want, I could make a suggestion for an alternative restaurant." Ash grinned. "I don''t think that-" "It''s very close." "That won''t be necessary-" The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. "And you won''t won¡¯t believe how quickly our food is prepared. From the kitchen to your table in a matter of minutes.¡± "Hmmm... But the Galaxy Lip is the most acclaimed restaurant in Kaseihgaeu.¡± "And think of how impressive it will be when you''re one of the first people to discover a new hidden gem restaurant right across the street." "Right across the street you say?" The Impatient Tourist checked their watch. "That''s right. And did I mention that there¡¯s no wait for a table?" Ash swept his arm in the direction of the E-teary. The Tourist stroked their chin. "Hmmm." # The Cottontail Excursionist shifted with indecision. "I don''t know. I''ve never heard of that restaurant before." "That''s why it''s so great. No one else has heard of it either. Look at the Galaxy Lip." Ash pointed at the other restaurant. "It''s big. It''s loud. It is absolutely filled to capacity with obnoxious, egotistical people that are only there because they think that it''s the most famous restaurant in town." "Isn''t it the most famous restaurant in town?" "That''s not important. What you want is a nice quiet restaurant with a modest atmosphere." "That does sound nice." The Cottontail Excursionist chewed a fingernail with her front teeth. ¡°Is the food any good?¡± ¡°It will make you reevaluate every meal you¡¯ve ever had in your life.¡± # ¡°But who is the chef?¡± The Curious Sightseer looked at the sign for the E-teary. ¡°That¡¯s one of the most interesting things.¡± Ash leaned in close. ¡°The chef has requested not to be named.¡± The Curious Sightseer leaned in as well. ¡°Really? Why? Are they someone famous?¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°I¡¯m afraid that I¡¯m not allowed to give out that information. Let me just say that if I did tell you who they were you would be very surprised. Our *Cough* eatery is one of the most unique dining establishments in the city.¡± ¡°Interesting.¡± Curious Sightseer casually stroked the chest feathers of a finch that was perched on their shoulder. ¡°But what¡¯s the theme of your restaurant?¡± Ash blinked. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ what do you think it is?¡± ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know. I can¡¯t see any obvious continuity. Is it a mystery?¡± The Curious Sightseer¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°That¡¯s right. A mystery. Exactly. Let me get you a table.¡± Ash put a hand on the tourist¡¯s elbow and guided them across the street. # "Impressive." Plinth nodded. "You''ve managed to bring in more customers in fifteen minutes than we''ve seen all week." "Ah, it was nothing." Ash rubbed his neck. "You can be very persuasive when you want to be." "Stop..." "Is this the phantom restaurant that everyone has been talking about?" A Tardy Voyager poked their head in the door. "Huh? Ah, yes. Hold on. I''ll find you a table." Ash looked around the room. "Crap. We''re running out of tables. And the orders are piling up at the window." "Don''t worry, we''ll take care of the tables." Rosy said. Rosy, Ave, Tasha, and Eins walked into the dinning room from the courtyard. "Oh." Jack looked up from his table. Ted straightened up in his chair. Ash paused in the doorway. The three women were dressed in matching white, sleeveless, button-up blouses. Rosy wore a burgundy skirt with a slit up the side. She had on a pair of five cm heels. Rosy''s hair was braided straight across the back of her head and then curled down over her shoulder. Her braid partially concealed the hilt of the sword that was still strapped to her chest, making it look like an oversized hairpin. Tasha was wearing a knee length, navy colored, tiered skirt and black flats. A deep blue eyeshadow with black eyeliner highlighted her eyes. Her hair was braided down the sides of her head and curled into a bun in the back. A line of barrettes was clipped to her hairline starting at her left temple. The last barrette was larger and flatter than the others. It was clipped tight above her bun with its claws holding it in place. Claws? Sorry, I meant barrette clips. Ave was dressed in her regular boots and a pair of viridian green, wide leg, linen pants. A small braid pulled her shorter hair away from her face and behind her ear while the rest of her hair hung loose in the back. The faintest shade of peach lip gloss had been applied to her lips. Tasha and Ave paused in the doorway to the dining room. "I have to say. You all look very lovely." said Plinth. "Don''t they look nice?" Rosy smiled. Jack stood up from his table. "Uh, *Cough* here ladies. Please take a seat." He pulled a chair out from the table. Ted stood up and did the same on the other side. Rosy nodded. "You two go ahead and relax for a second. I''ll get started waiting tables." Rosy walked over and pulled some dishes from the kitchen window. Ave and Tasha sat down at the rear table. Jack and Ted sat back down next to them. Jack sat up straight and put on a smile. "So how do the two of you know Ash and Luke?" Pull 71 ¡°How did you get that table?¡± Vance looked up from where he was staring out the window. ¡°I sat down at it.¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°There are still plates on that table.¡± Vance looked down. ¡°I know. It is very strange. Did someone eat here?¡± ¡°Yes they ate there. This is a restaurant.¡± ¡°I keep forgetting that.¡± Vance looked around the room for apparently the first time, then turned his attention back to the window. Ash leaned over the table. ¡°What were you even looking at?¡± ¡°Nothing, nothing.¡± Vance looked out the window. Ash followed his gaze. ¡°Is that Bede and that other girl-¡± ¡°Privati.¡± ¡°Is that Bede and Privati eating at the Galaxy Lip across the street?¡± ¡°Oh look at that! It is them.¡± Vance feigned surprise. ¡°And who is that with them?¡± ¡°The winner of the Event today.¡± ¡°She looks familiar.¡± Ash started clearing plates off of the table. ¡°Are you stalking them Vance?¡± ¡°Heh heh, look at how bored they look.¡± ¡°They do look upset despite sitting at the finest restaurant in town. Besides this one of course. Why do they keep eating there if they don¡¯t like it?¡± Vance rapped the table with his knuckles. ¡°They have to. It¡¯s part of their employment at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. They have to entertain the winners of the Events.¡± ¡°Do they even like doing that?¡± ¡°No, they hate it. They hate each other. They¡¯re constantly fighting and bickering. Trying to get away from the duties that their Aunt assigns. The only thing that brings me joy is watching the two of them suffer in each other¡¯s presence.¡± ¡°Okay I¡¯ve got to get back to serving my tables. Please stop using our restaurant to plot your revenge.¡± Vance took a looong drink of water. # Rosy put an elbow on the kitchen window. ¡°Table 2 wants to order the omelette without cheese.¡± Cophin looked up. ¡°It doesn''t come with cheese. It¡¯s only eggs.¡± Rosy nodded. ¡°I told him that. He insisted that an omelette comes with cheese.¡± ¡°So does he want tha omelette?¡± ¡°Yes. But without cheese.¡± ¡°It doesn''t come with cheese.¡± Cophin repeated. ¡°I know. But he doesn''t. So just make the omelette and don''t add cheese to it.¡± ¡°I won''t. It doesn''t come with cheese.¡± ¡°That''s good because he doesn''t want any.¡± Rosy walked away. # "You''re telling us you were there when this Demon Lord was summoned?" Jack tried to keep his hands still. For some reason his thumbs were wrestling each other. "That''s right." Ave leaned back in her chair. "But, you can''t be serious. This is the White Council we''re talking about. They wouldn''t do something like that." Jack kept picking up his water glass then putting it back down. "Why not?" Ave¡¯s hair almost fell in front of her eyes but her braid kept it in place. "Well, because, they''re the most powerful men in the Kingdom." "Yes." "They control everything that happens in the Capital." "True." "They have all of the wealth and power that they could ever want or need." "Undoubtedly." Jack blinked at Ave''s continued agreements. "So then they, uh, have a responsibility to look after the Kingdom. Right? They''ll do the right thing. Because it''s the right thing." Ave made no effort to agree or disagree with him. "It''s their duty. They have an obligation to the people, not to use their power for stupid or selfish reasons." Jack looked like he didn''t like the taste of the words coming out of his mouth. Ave rocked her chair ever so slightly. "I can''t tell you what their duty is. I can only tell you what I saw." Jack turned his head. ¡°What about you Tasha? Do you believe all this nonsense about Demon Lords and spirits?¡± Tasha took a looong drink of water. Jack looked down at the table. "Ah! Damn it all!" Cophin yelled from the kitchen. "Excuse me." Ave stood up from the table. She walked over to the window. "This is a disaster." Cophin grumbled. "What do you mean chef?" Luke asked. "We need those tomatoes. Tomatoes are full of glutamic acid. We need them ta add that savory flavor to our dishes." ¡°We¡¯re all out of tomatoes?¡± Luke looked under the counter. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°That¡¯s right. Because some peoples didn¡¯t finish running tha market order I gave them this morning.¡± Cophin drummed his fingers on a chopping board. He didn¡¯t look at Luke. Ave put her elbow on the window. ¡°What do you need?¡± ¡°Tomatoes.¡± ¡°Got it.¡± Ave turned and walked out the courtyard door. ¡°Wonder what that was about?¡± Cophin blinked. # ¡°How is everyone doing over here?¡± Plinth strolled up to a table. ¡°You can bring us our food.¡± The Impatient Tourist crossed their arms. ¡°Your food will be right out. The chef is preparing it as we speak.¡± ¡°So if we stop talking to you will it be done then?¡± ¡°A cutting remark sir. Can I interest the table in any wine this evening?¡± Plinth produced a bottle. ¡°We have a very nice pinot grigio. It¡¯s dry with only a hint of sweetness. I think that you will find it pairs very well with our salads.¡± ¡°Is that a Franz one?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, what was that? I don¡¯t understand your question.¡± ¡°Is that one of those Franz wines?¡± Plinth kept his face neutral. ¡°Are you asking if our pinot grigio¡­ is from the kingdom of Franz?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°...yes.¡± ¡°Then I don¡¯t want it. What else you got?¡± ¡°Well, I am assuming that you will not be interested in our champagne, our bourgogne, or a bordeaux choice either¡­ Can I select a nice cognac for you?¡± ¡°Is that a Franz wine?¡± ¡°... it is not.¡± ¡°Then one of those.¡± # Cophin slid a plate onto the kitchen window. Eins leapt up onto the counter. The dog used a paw to ring a little metal bell that was set on the counter. *Ding*Ding* ¡°Order up.¡± Eins announced. A tourist looked up from their table. ¡°Did that dog just¡­?¡± ¡°Bark bark.¡± # ¡°Dancing dishrags we are running on scraps at this point.¡± Cophin shook an empty vegetable bin. ¡°I¡¯m surprised that you didn¡¯t have more supplies Chef.¡± Luke quickly turned his head to avoid Cophin¡¯s glare. ¡°We¡¯re dealing with an unexpectedly high volume of customers tonight.¡± Cophin massaged his neck. ¡°Also if someone had finished the shopping I sent them to complete this morning then maybe this would not be a problem.¡± ¡°Heads up!¡± Ave threw a tomato into the kitchen. Cophin caught it with one hand. He examined the tomato. He sniffed it. *Tomato* Ave set a small basket of tomatoes on the kitchen window. ¡°How did you get this so quickly? You couldn¡¯t have gone all the way to tha market. You didn¡¯t steal this did you?¡± Cophin narrowed his eyes. ¡°No.¡± Ave crossed her arms. ¡°Where did ya get it?¡± ¡°Local garden.¡± Ave responded. ¡°I traded some of the extra eggs from the chicken coop for it.¡± ¡°You know where ta find a local garden. How?¡± ¡°I used to live here. I know where to find a lot of things in town.¡± ¡°Is that right? Even this late at night?¡± Cophin tapped the flat of his kitchen knife against his palm. ¡°Can you get me some shallots?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll need some cash.¡± Cophin threw a small purse into Aves hand. Ave caught it and slipped it into her blouse. Then she turned on her heel and hustled out the door. # ¡°I¡¯m going to go put these plates back in the kitchen.¡± Ted picked up some of the empty dishes from their table. ¡°What are you doing? Let Ash get those.¡± Jack said. ¡°Ash is busy.¡± Ted said. ¡°Ash is our waiter. It¡¯s his job right now. Let him do it.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be really quick. It¡¯s not any trouble.¡± Ted scooted his chair back. He got up and carried the plates he was holding into the kitchen. ¡°So you¡¯re the son of the Mayor huh? Tell me about it.¡± Tasha said. Jack straightened his shirt. ¡°There¡¯s not much to tell. I mostly handle administrative tasks for my father. Filing contracts, sorting letters, making appointments. That sort of thing.¡± ¡°Come on, there has to be more to it than that. What¡¯s the weirdest thing you¡¯ve seen? Did you ever have to confiscate any summons?¡± ¡°Not really.¡± ¡°Come on¡­¡± Tasha smiled. Jack looked to the side. ¡°Well, someone did accidentally summon a giant pudding downtown one time.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. It was two stories tall. Covered in frosting and strawberries. It glistened in the sun. All of the schoolkids ran home to grab spoons¡­¡± Jack picked at his nails. ¡°But by the time they got back my father had roped it off. The enormous desert was ultimately impounded.¡± Jack straightened his shoulders. ¡°Which was appropriate. Sugar is a grade 1 stimulant. It wouldn¡¯t have been acceptable to have so many children ruining their meals with that many empty calories.¡± ¡°I see. What about adventuring? Do they let you put up bounties for Adventurers?¡± Jack looked at the table. ¡°Father says that a respectable Mayor doesn¡¯t need to rely on Adventurers. A city should run like a clock. Precise and on time.¡± ¡°I brought us some flatbreads.¡± Ted stepped up to the table. He placed a platter of flatbreads in the middle of the table. ¡°¡­flatbreads¡­!¡± Tripillli¡¯s circular body unfurled. The crab rolled off of Tasha''s head and onto the platter. Ted and Jack stared. ¡°Is¡­ that a roach?¡± Ted asked. Tripillli picked up a flatbread with its claws and wrapped the bendable baked good around itself like a blanket. ¡°... so soft¡­ so warm¡­¡± Tasha tried to grab Tripillli from out of its carbohydrate cocoon. Tripillli snapped at her fingers with its claws. *Snap*Snap* Tasha looked down at the spirit, then back up at Jack and Ted. ¡°This is¡­ hard to explain.¡± Tasha said. ¡°Is that a Shadowbeast or something? Do we need to get an Adventurer to take care of it?¡± Jack raised an eyebrow. Ted went to sit down. Tasha wrestled with the bread. "That¡¯s not necessary. Tripillli is my¡­ pet? Besides, Rosy is an Adventurer. And I don''t know about Cophin but Plinth told me that he''s a Combak." "Holy shi-" Ted missed the seat and *Slammed*? into the ground. "Burn and bless, are you alright Ted!?" Jack leaned over. Ted scrambled up to the edge of the table. "Did you say that Plinth is a Combat Baker?" "That''s right." "Holy shi-" *Ka-crash* Ted missed the chair beneath him. As he fell his elbow caught the edge of the table they were sitting at. The table tipped over under Ted''s weight. All of the flatbreads (and Tripillli) were catapulted off of the top and landed on a neighboring table. Tripillli rolled to a stop in the middle of the scattered breads. The poor trilobite uncurled and spun in a lazy circle. Its little legs kicked the air. "... ah... this table is too hard..." The Cottontail Excursionist looked down at the surface of her table. "Is that a roach?" Her nose twitched. Plinth swept in and dropped a napkin on top of Tripillli. "A roach? Not at all. Must have been a lump of fried okra. Nothing to make note of." "I thought your restaurant didn''t fry any food." The Cottontail Excursionist said. "Can I get you some more wine?" Plinth smiled. Ted grabbed a hold of Plinth''s apron strings. "Mr Plinth, sir, is it true that you''re really a Combak?" "Uh... yes." "That''s incredible. You have to tell me more. I have so many questions." "Yes, yes, we can talk about that in a minute. Here-" Plinth swept the napkin and extra flatbread off of the table and onto a tray he was holding. He shoved the tray into Ted''s arms. "Take this to the kitchen." "Right away sir." Ted hustled off to the kitchen. Tasha and Jack righted their table and started picking silverware up off of the floor. Pull 72 Luke stood at the entrance to the kitchen. He stared at the slip of paper in his hand. ¡°Plinth, I don''t think Cophin is going to like this order.¡± Plinth polished a wine glass. ¡°So?¡± ¡°Should I give it to him?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± Plinth patted Luke on the shoulder then walked back into the dining room. Luke looked down at the order, he looked up, he looked back down. He looked all around. ¡°But maybe if I can convince them to change their order¡­¡± Luke slipped into the dining room. He approached one of the tables. ¡°Excuse me. You¡¯re the person who ordered the tuna salad right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± The Curious Sightseer nodded. ¡°Our restaurant doesn¡¯t have tuna salad. Is there something else that I could prepare for you?¡± ¡°Your server said that this restaurant didn¡¯t use any complicated ingredients. What could be less complicated than tuna with mayonnaise. It¡¯s only eggs and vinegar.¡± ¡°I suppose¡­¡± Luke turned around. ¡°I¡¯ll give the chef your order. But he¡¯s really going to die over this.¡± ¡°What!?¡± The Curious Sightseer jumped back. Luke shook his head. ¡°Sorry. I meant, he¡¯s really going to cry over this.¡± Luke turned his head to look into the kitchen. The Curious Sightseer followed his gaze. Cophin could be seen next to a chopping board. He rubbed his face with his arm. There were tears running down his face. ¡°Mayonnaise has such a strong flavor. The chef is very passionate about his work. He really wanted you to taste the unique flavor of the dish he specially prepared for you without any distractions.¡± ¡°You said he specially prepared it for me?¡± ¡°That¡¯s correct. Just for you.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen a culinary artist so impassioned with their work.¡± ¡°He gets very emotional when it comes to food.¡± The Curious Sightseer waved a hand. ¡°Well I wouldn¡¯t want to alter the chef¡¯s special preparations. Tell him to make the dish however he thinks is best.¡± ¡°Right away.¡± Luke jogged back into the kitchen. Cophin looked up. ¡°Luke! Where have you been? I¡¯ve been in here chopping onions, garlic, and raw peppers all by myself.¡± ¡°Sorry chef. I was organizing the orders.¡± ¡°What were you gabbing about out there in tha dining room?¡± ¡°Nothing chef. Only making sure that orders were correct.¡± Cophin frowned but didn¡¯t say anything else. ¡°It¡¯s knife to see the two of you working together.¡± Plinth said from the doorway. ¡°Get out of here Plinth!¡± # ¡°How are you enjoying your cognac sir?¡± Plinth asked. *Burp* ¡°Very fine. An excellent flavor. I¡¯ll take another one.¡± The Impatient Tourist slid his glass across the table. ¡°Another cognac then sir?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. I¡¯ll take another one of those, one more time.¡± Plinth blinked. ¡°Is that one¡­ or two?¡± # "Guys you won''t believe what I found out." "Did you find us some more flatbread?" Jack leaned back in his seat. "No. But It turns out that Mr Plinth is a Combak.¡± Ted panted. ¡°He told me in the kitchen when we were cleaning the plates. He¡¯s certified and everything.¡± Tasha put an elbow on the table. ¡°Is that really a surprise? A lot of combat bakers open their own famous restaurants.¡± She looked around at the Eatery. ¡°Or I guess, regular restaurants.¡± ¡°We have not met a lot of Combaks¡­¡± Jack picked at his nails. ¡°Star Town doesn¡¯t really have the cachet to attract inspiring Adventurers.¡± Ted shrugged. Jack smoothed his hair back. ¡°But that¡¯s only temporary. Star Town will one day be one of the most important towns in the future of the Kingdom.¡± ¡°Really? When?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°In the future.¡± Jack¡¯s left nostril flared. Tasha looked over Ted¡¯s shoulder. "By the way, what did you do with the previous flatbreads? And with Tripillli?" "With what?" Ted looked up. "The roach thing." "I don''t know. I put all the dishes in the sink." ¡°Huh¡­ can crabs swim?¡± Tasha frowned. Ted tapped his foot. ¡°I think so.¡± ¡°Okay. Good.¡± ¡°Or are crabs the ones that sink directly to the bottom. Maybe I¡¯m thinking of jellyfish. All those wiggly legs? No, I¡¯m thinking of jellyfish.¡± "Oh crap!" Tasha jumped up from the table and rushed into the kitchen. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. Jack ran a hand through his hair. ¡°I don¡¯t see what the big deal is. Combat bakers? *Sniff* My father always said that they¡¯re over-glorified Adventurers that get an undeserved reputation because they feign an appearance of high culture. Any soldier can swing a sword. Being able to bake a pie at the same time doesn¡¯t make you special.¡± ¡°Ka-thunk* A bowl of cooked lentils landed on the table in front of Jack and Ted. Chopin stood at the edge of the table. He eyeballed Jack. ¡°You must be one of tha bravest men to ever live.¡± Cophin said. ¡°Huh?¡± Jack looked around. ¡°Talking shit about the man that helped prepare tha food you¡¯re about to eat while sitting under his roof.¡± Cophin leaned over. ¡°That takes guts.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t¡­ I wasn¡¯t¡­¡± *Whistle* Cophin looked up. Plinth was on the other side of the restaurant whistling to himself as he uncorked a bottle of wine. He wasn¡¯t looking at Cophin but his whistle was loud and clear across the crowded dining room. Cophin looked back down at Jack. ¡°How old are you boy?¡± ¡°Uh, seventeen.¡± Jack replied. ¡°You ever been outside your hometown before?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Besides this time.¡± ¡°... no.¡± ¡°You ever broken a bone before?¡± ¡°What? No. Are you¡­ are you threatening me?¡± Jack tried to remain composed. Cophin smirked. ¡°Nah. I¡¯m only reminding myself that I shouldn¡¯t hold a grudge against a boy barely out of his training pants.¡± Cophin nudged the bowl of lentils in Jack¡¯s direction. ¡°Eat up kid. Enjoy your meal. You need ta eat healthy if you want to grow up.¡± Cophin turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Jack let out a breath he hadn¡¯t realized that he had been holding in. # ¡°For only being hired yesterday I think that we¡¯ve all done a wonderful job.¡± Rosy said. Ash, Eins, and Rosy stood next to the kitchen window. They looked around the dining room full of tourists. Tasha walked out of the kitchen. She wiped Tripillli off with a dishrag then tucked the trilobite back into place on top of her braid. ¡°I never thought a restaurant without a theme would actually be able to pull in this big of a crowd.¡± Tasha said. "Yeah. Tonight is going really well." Ash looked around the room. He saw Jack and Ted hunched over at their table. "Hold on, I think I have an idea how to make it almost perfect." Ash shuffled over to the table where Jack and Ted were seated. "Oh Ted?" "Yes Ash." "Why don''t you show Plinth your harmonica skills?" ¡°Wha-?¡± Ted panicked. Plinth looked at Ted. "You''re a musician? You should play for us." "I don''t know. I''m not very good." Ted shrunk into his sweater. "Then it''s even more important that you play. Passion is no substitute for preparation. You''ll never know if you''re a good musician or not until you practice to the point of your own incompetence." Plinth said. ¡°Wow. That¡¯s so wise. But I¡¯m afraid that I didn¡¯t think to bring a harmonica with me.¡± Ted frowned. Ash snapped his fingers. A magical circle materialized on the table. *Clunk*Clunk*Clunk* Ten misshapen mouth organs dropped down in a pile of wood and metal. ¡°Here you go. I summoned you some harmonicas.¡± Ash interjected. Jack held up one of the irregular instruments. ¡°All of these are crap.¡± ¡°Then here¡¯s ten more.¡± Ash bared his teeth. *Clunk*Clunk*Clunk* ¡°What are we supposed to do with twenty garbage harmonicas?¡± Jack waved the half formed harp in Ash¡¯s face. ¡°Pick the best one and play a song for crap¡¯s sake!¡± Ted gripped the edge of the table with his hands. He looked up at the crowd of tourists. His cheeks blushed. ¡°Okay! I¡¯ll do it.¡± Jack turned. ¡°What? Really? Ted you don¡¯t have to-¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do it!¡± Ted jumped up. He grabbed the least damaged harmonica and walked to the front of the dining room. Rosy cleared some space by the door for him. Tasha brought him a stool to sit on. Ted took a seat. He turned the harmonica over in his sweaty hands. He brought the instrument to his lips. ??- Ted winced. His hands dropped ¡°Yeah! Keep going.¡± Luke clapped from the kitchen. ¡°First note is done! Now play the rest.¡± Ash shouted. Ted¡¯s face turned bright red. But he brought the harmonica back up to his mouth anyway. ????~~~ ?~?~?~??~~~ ??????~~~???~~~ Gradually the chatter in the dining room died off. Conversation fell to a hush. Tourists took care not to clatter their silverware or clink their glasses. Tasha and Rosy cleared plates from tables. Plinth refilled glasses. Tourists on the street outside stopped ever so briefly in front of the restaurant¡¯s open front windows. # Ash leaned against Jack¡¯s table. ¡°Look at Ted up there all by himself. He¡¯s really good. He probably should have been a musician. Didn¡¯t the two of you used to practice together?¡± Jack frowned. ¡°Yes. I don¡¯t see what that has to do with-¡± ¡°He was always better though wasn¡¯t he?¡± Ash snapped. ¡°If you¡¯re trying to make me angry then-¡± ¡°What would you call that?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Ted up there all alone, playing for a room full of strangers. I would call that selfless. Think about if he had someone to share that embarrassment with?¡± Ash waggled his eyebrows. ¡°...¡± ¡°It would look really good if you went up there and played with him. Think of how noble you would look. Maybe even Mayoral one might say¡­¡± ¡°Piss off Ash.¡± Jack raised his pinky finger and flashed it Ash¡¯s direction. Ash flashed him a pinky finger back. The two boys crossed their arms and avoided eye contact. Notes drifted over the conversations of the other guests all the way to the back corner of the restaurant. ??~~~?~?~~~ *Sigh* Jack grabbed a random harmonica from the table and stomped up to the front of the restaurant. # Ted finished his first song. He wiped some sweat from his forehead. Polite applause filled the dining room. Tasha set down another stool next to him at the front of the restaurant. Jack walked up and took a seat. ¡°Jack? What are you doing?¡± Ted asked. ¡°I¡¯m here to play with you.¡± Jack huffed. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Are you saying that I can¡¯t do it!?¡± Jack pouted. ¡°No no, not at all. Let¡¯s play.¡± ¡°Okay¡­ good.¡± Jack fidgeted on the stool. He turned the harmonica over in his hands. ¡°What, what do we do now?¡± "Let¡¯s pick a song to play next. Let me think. Do you think Mr Plinth would like Hammers over Halcyon?" Ted asked. "Why that one?" "I hear that adventurers like worldly music. Plus he seems like he likes Franz¨¨s culture." Jack looked down at the harmonica in his hands. He licked his lips. "Let''s play Tallyman¡¯s 3rd March instead.¡± "Why do you say that?" "Because it¡¯s a Blolklanld folk music song. And besides¡­ those are the ones that you¡¯re best at anyway." Ted smiled. ??~??~??~ ??? ??~??~??~ ?~~~?~??~ # Ave set down a bundle of shallots on the kitchen counter. She leaned over to peek into the dining room. Jack and Ted played on as Rosy, Tasha, and Ash cleaned plates. Cophin silently waved at Ave. He mouthed the word and pointed at her. Ave nodded her head. She stepped back out of the kitchen into the courtyard. Trying not to make too much noise she opened the door to the side street, slid out, and quietly closed it after her. Ave came face to face with a stern looking Llama. ¡°Oh hey, it''s you.¡± she said. # Two harmonicas played down the evening as the sun drifted down below the horizon. As dusk drifted in on the dry wind candles dimed the small windows at the edge of the city. Shadows climbed the spiraling hill at the center of Kaseihgaeu. Lanterns lit the hotels and boulevards of the city keeping tourists company as they strolled the darkening streets. As evening turned to night the Ocean''s Bounty blazed to life at the center of the town under the luminescent brilliance of a thousand upon a thousand electric lights. Even as the first stars peeked out from the sky the city shone like a beacon. Radiantly oblivious to the darkness around it. Pull 73 ¡°Good work everyone. The last of our customers have finally left and it¡¯s time to close up for the evening. You can all head back to your rooms. We''ll finish cleaning up in the kitchen.¡± Plinth poured coffee into a number of cups for everyone. ¡°Are you sure Plinth? We don¡¯t mind helping.¡± Tasha said. ¡°That is very appreciated. But you¡¯ve all had a long day and I think it would be good if you got some rest. You should head over to your room now. Don¡¯t delay.¡± Plinth waved a hand. ¡°Okay. We¡¯re heading out then.¡± Luke waved back. Luke, Ash, Tasha, Ave, Rosy and Eins exited the restaurant. ¡°Plinth, did you let our new employees take it easy? Again?¡± Cophin grumbled. # The Blue Haired Lady shoved Rosy''s luggage into the hallway. She wiped some dust off of her hands. ¡°There. That¡¯s the last of it. Now the room is free.¡± Rosy looked at her. ¡°Did you throw our luggage out of the room?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± The older woman responded. ¡°Are you kicking us out?¡± ¡°Have you done something that I should kick you out for?¡± "No. I don''t think so. Have we?" Rosy looked at the others. "Of course we haven''t." Ave said. "What would qualify?" Tasha asked. ¡°Is that a roach?¡± The Blue Haired Lady pointed at Tasha¡¯s hair. ¡°... am not a roach. Am more crustacean¡­ mmph-¡± Tasha put a hand over Tripillli. ¡°It¡¯s a decorative hair ornament.¡± Tasha said. ¡°But ignoring that. If you¡¯re kicking us out of our room where are we supposed to stay?¡± # "This is where you''re staying now." The Blue Haired Lady opened the door to a suite. The suite took up the entire second floor of an adjoining building that was next door to the restaurant. A staircase led up to the second floor. A balcony overlooked the E-teary¡¯s courtyard. "Look everyone. There are two beds." Tasha pointed. "And a couch. We won''t have to triple up on one bed tonight." Rosy said. Ave flipped a switch. Lights flickered on in the room. ¡°Installed arc-lamps. Very nice.¡± The Blue Haired Lady toddled around the room. "Pillows are on the bed. Sheets are in the closet. Towels are in the bathroom next to the tub." "There''s an attached bathroom as well. This really is luxury." Tasha whistled. *Knock*Knock* Plinth poked his head in the room. ¡°Ah good, Ms Starling. I see that you¡¯ve moved the girls into a more spacious accommodation. That was very kind of you.¡± ¡°Hmmph.¡± Ms Starling humphed. Rosy dropped her luggage on the floor. ¡°I hate to bring this up now. But we were also working in the restaurant downstairs. I don¡¯t know if Plinth has explained our financial situation to you¡­¡± She tilted her head. Ms Starling waved a hand. ¡°It¡¯s fine. No one was renting this room anyway. You all can have it for the time being. But!¡± She made eye contact with the other women. "The only thing about this room I have to tell you is: don''t open the curtains." The three women exchanged a glance. The Blue Haired Lady frowned at them. "Why not?" Ave asked. "The boarders across the street don''t have curtains in their windows." Ms Starling shook a boney finger at the window next to the street.. "Yeah? So what?" "So it means that you can see right into their rooms." Ms Starling sneaked up to the street window. She pulled the curtain back ever so slightly and peeked through. Ave looked at the others in confusion. "Couldn''t we do that if their curtains were open?" "Yes. But they don''t have any curtains so you can see into their rooms all the time." "But what if¡­ I wanted to open the curtains for this room." Tasha asked. "I''m telling you the people across the street don''t have curtains. So leave the curtains for this room closed. Do you understand?" Ms Starling tapped her foot impatiently. "Not even a little. What if we just don''t look over at their apartment?" Rosy said. "I keep trying to tell you they don''t have curtains. If you look over there you will look into their rooms." Ms Starling said. "So we won''t look over there." "They don''t have curtains. So you can see into their rooms no matter what." Ms Starling explained. "Why would I want to look into their rooms!?" Ave asked. "Keep the curtains closed and you won''t have to worry about it!" # Tasha and Rosy pushed their luggage up against the beds inside the suite. Ave threw a fitted sheet over the couch. *Knock*Knock* Ave opened the door of the suite. "We figured it out!" Ash jammed his head inside the room. "You did?" Ave stepped back. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. "We figured it out." Luke jumped behind Ash. Eins padded in after them. "What did you figure out?" Rosy looked over at the door. Luke and Ash stopped in their tracks. "Uh... we figured out, how to roll the silverware one handed?" Ash shrugged. "That''s... nice." Rosy nodded. Ash tried to look nonchalant. "But yeah. We''ve figured out how to do that thing. So bring out the other thing we can get it open and finally get some answers." "I don''t have it." Ave said. "You don''t have it!?" Ash shrieked. "I had to leave it behind. There were too many observers." Ave looked sideways at Rosy. *Knock*Knock* "Can I interest anyone in some bedtime pie?" Plinth stuck his head in the door. "Thank you, but no thank you Plinth." Ash said. "I''ll take some." Luke said. "Here you go." Plinth swiveled a plate of warm pie around the door into Luke''s hands. "Anyone else? No. Okay. Goodnight." Plinth left and closed the door. Ave looked at Rosy. "Rosy? Can we have some privacy with the boys for a moment? We need to talk about something really quickly.¡± Rosy looked at everyone else. "Of course. Secret late night conversations between young men and young women. I wouldn''t want to get in the way." Rosy smiled and waggled her eyebrows. "Rosy stop." Ave groaned. "Okay... I''m going to go get some tea then. Don''t have too much fun while I''m gone." Rosy opened the door and slipped into the hallway. "Okay now that she''s gone we can stop talking in riddles. Did you figure out a way to open the case?" Ave asked. "Yes. Maybe." Ash looked at Luke. "We think we have." "Let''s hear it." Ash held up his hands. "Okay. Follow along with me here. Glitter." Ash wiggled his fingers. "I don''t follow." Ave''s face was blank. "We need to open the case with the Councilor''s hand. But there''s no way we can get him to put his hand on it with us standing there. But what if we don''t need his entire hand? What if we only need a copy of his hand. That''s what the glitter is for. To make a copy." "I don¡¯t know if glitter will be enough to open a secure case." Ave''s mouth made a hard line. "Hold on, that might actually work." Tasha sat up on her bed. "Every human has a unique skin pattern on their hands.¡± Tasha held up one of her hands. ¡°If we ask how the case is determining when the owner is opening it versus a stranger, it might be because it is detecting the skin pattern of the owner''s hand." "Oh crap. Tasha, you''re still here." Ash flinched. Ave looked sideways at Tasha. "Tasha you don''t have to stay if you don''t want to be involved." Tasha shrugged. "Yeah, that¡¯s right but¡­ Tripillli just fell asleep. I don''t want to move and wake him. I''ll cover my ears." Tasha barely covered her ears. "... zzz..." "But how is the case determining who''s hand is touching it?" Luke asked. Tasha uncovered her ears. "I don''t know. Maybe the magic in the case can remember a person''s handprint? But put that aside for now. How are you going to get the face part?" Tasha put her hands back over her ears. Luke grinned, pie crumbs stuck to his chin. "This one is my idea. We''re going to use wax." "You''re going to chisel a wax sculpture of his face?" Ave asked. "Not at all. We''re going to melt it." "Won''t that only make it harder to chisel?" "We''re not going to chisel anything. We''re going to melt it exactly like this." Luke held out his hand. "A flower?" "A candy flower. Made of wax. Using a mold. We get a mold of his head, fill it with wax, and then whoosh, we have a copy of his face." Tasha cupped one of her hands over her ear. "That could work. Assuming that the face recognition magic of the case works the same as the hand recognition." She pointed at Ave. "Do we have the password?" "Yes. I have the password." Ave said. ¡°I made sure to hear it today.¡± "Then all we, er, all you need is the case itself." Tasha grinned. Ave crossed her arms. "It''s not going to be so easy this time. The Councilor is in meetings all this week. His case will either be on his person or in the vault until he leaves town. We need to find some way of getting the case and then get enough time with it to get it open." "We also need to get a mold of his face and cover him in glitter." Luke added. "Yes. I remember the easy part of this plan." Ave raised an eyebrow. "If only we had some kind of distraction." "Hmmm." Ash crossed his arms. "Hmmm." Tasha teased one of her barrettes. "Hmmm." Luke ate some more pie. "Hmmm." Eins chewed a paw. *Knock*Knock* "Yes?" Ave looked up at the door. The Blue Haired Lady poked her head into the room. "I wanted to remind you children that this room is only being provided temporarily. You have to be out in ten days." "Ten days? That''s... generous." Tasha said. "That''s right. Ten days. That''s when the Hundred Ought Hundred Aught Banner Event takes place." "I see..." Ave looked at the others. "That''s right. The biggest event of the year. The gambling halls will be absolutely packed with tourists at that time. People coming and going. No way to keep track of them." The Blue Haired Lady twisted the doorknob a few times. "Anyway... ten days." "Ten days, yes, we got it." Ash nodded. "Thanks for the heads up." He put a hand against the door. "Ten days." The Blue Haired Lady shuffled out of the room and closed the door behind her. Ash made sure the door was closed. "That''s a lucky break." Ash clapped his hands together. "That contest is the perfect time for us to slip in and grab the case." Ave tapped her foot. "It''s not a bad idea. The Councilor will want to stay for the event. But there shouldn''t be any meetings that day. We might have enough time. But we might still need some kind of plan to get inside without being noticed." Luke and Ash looked at each other. "We might know someone.¡± Ash said. ¡°Who is it?¡± Tasha asked. Ash pulled his sleeve. ¡°There is this guy he¡¯s¡­ ¡° ¡°A regular at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± Luke said. Ash nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right. We¡¯ve seen him multiple times. He has a certain talent for getting into places he¡¯s not wanted. He¡¯s obsessed with some sort of revenge plan...¡± ¡°What was that?¡± Ave asked. ¡°I said that if we¡¯re with him nobody will be paying attention to us. I¡¯ll try to find him again and see if he can get us into the Gambling Hall.¡± ¡°What if we pretended to be Guards?¡± Luke asked. ¡°If we disguised ourselves as soldiers we could slip in that way.¡± ¡°I can be a Guard.¡± Eins saluted. ¡°I bet you could.¡± Luke rustled the dog¡¯s fur. Ave looked at Eins. ¡°As impressive as your impersonation is, the Guard is under a lot of scrutiny at the moment. There is apparently some hostility between the Councilor''s escort and the local security for the resort. The head of security for the Ocean¡¯s Bounty doesn''t like the Guard. And she has a magic sword so she¡¯s probably not someone we want to mess with.¡± ¡°Wait a minute. Did you say magic sword? Is she a short blocky woman, with pink hair?¡± Ash pointed to his hair. ¡°Why do you know that?¡± A dimple appeared on Ave¡¯s forehead. ¡°Lucky guess. Also we are going to need disguises.¡± Ash pointed to Luke and himself. Luke nodded. ¡°Excellent. I¡¯m liking this plan already. So we disguise ourselves, sneak inside during the event, and grab the case. But how do we get the case out of the vault?" "Hmmm." Ash crossed his arms. "Hmmm." Ave toyed with her braid. Tasha and Eins looked at each other. "That''s... a good question. No idea." Eins sweated. "No idea." Tasha ran a hand through her hair. "... zzz, huh, wha... what''s going on? Do I smell pie...?" Tripillli clicked from on top of Tasha''s head. *Knock*Knock* Rosy opened the door and leaned inside the room. "Hey guys, I just wanted to say that communication is important. Friendship is based on a foundation of mutual honesty and respect. We need that honesty for strong teamwork. We¡¯re all part of a team now. A team of¡­ servers, in a restaurant. Where we need good teamwork. That¡¯s all that I¡¯m talking about. About our restaurant service.¡± ¡°Thank you¡­ Rosy.¡± Ash said. ¡°Yes. Thank you Rosy. For that.¡± Luke nodded. ¡°I only wanted you all to know¡­ about teamwork.¡± Rosy took a looong sip from a teacup she was holding. ¡°Okay. I¡¯m going to get some more tea.¡± ¡°We should probably get back downstairs to our room.¡± Ash looked at the others. ¡°That¡¯s right. See you in the morning everyone.¡± Luke opened the door. ¡°Goodnight everyone.¡± ¡°Goodnight.¡± Meanwhile 3 Tea Party Rosy shut the door. She walked down the hallway outside the room. A few steps away from her new room there was a second door leading to an adjacent room. She stopped. Rosy lifted her ear up a little. There was the *clink*clack* of silverware coming from behind the door. Rosy cracked open the door and poked her head inside. Plinth and Landlady Starling were seated on opposite sides of a table that had been pushed up against the wall. Placed on the center of the table was a pot of tea and a cake stand with a decadent yellow butter cake on it. The Landlady was sipping quietly from a teacup. Plinth was holding position with a forkful of sweet butter cake halfway to his mouth. "What are the two of you doing?" Rosy asked. *Cough* Plinth gently set the fork and cake back down on the plate in front of him. "We were merely having an after dinner sip of tea." He said quietly. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. [... follow along with me here. Glitter¡­] Plinth stopped talking. Ms Starling stopped moving. The two of them perked up their ears. Rosy''s attention was drawn to a cast iron vent at the top of the wall. A tinny echo could be heard coming through the vent. Rosy slid into the room. "Can you-" Plinth quickly waved a hand at her. He held a hand over his mouth. Rosy whispered. Plinth twirled his desert fork in his hand. Plinth looked at the landlady. The landlady looked at Plinth. Plinth looked at Rosy. [...chisel a wax sculpture of his face¡­] Rosy shut the door to the second room behind her. She tiptoed over to the table. Meanwhile 4 Winning ¡°I hear that you won again.¡± Councilor A walked into the sitting room. He draped his long white jacket over a chair and sat down behind a writing desk. The Orchid Keeper was wearing a high necked, sleeveless gown with an embroidered sash. She lounged on a fainting couch. ¡°What can I say? I¡¯m just lucky. I just can¡¯t help winning.¡± She held a satin gloved hand up to her face in mock embarrassment. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to be learning about the Kingdom and its economic policies. Not collecting meaningless prizes in a Gambling House.¡± said Councilor A. ¡°How can you call the prizes meaningless? Aren¡¯t you trying to expand this type of game to everywhere else in the Kingdom?¡± ¡°I¡¯m trying to get people to spend money. I don¡¯t care what they spend it on.¡± ¡°Then you should be thanking me. I¡¯m going out of my way to help you.¡± The Orchid Keeper kicked off her heels. There was a dining cart next to her. She leaned over, grabbed a handful of fried okra off of a tray, and started eating them a mouthful at a time. ¡°I¡¯m making winning *Chew* look glamorous *Gulp*.¡± she said. Councilor A massaged his wrists. ¡°You¡¯re missing the point. The point is to encourage people to participate. Having the same person win over and over is boring.¡± Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. The Orchid Keeper fluttered her eyelashes. ¡°Not when you¡¯re as charming as me.¡± She wiped her mouth on a slip cover and continued eating okra. ¡°Besides, participation is up after every game I play.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the most narcissistic thing I¡¯ve ever heard. Tell me more.¡± ¡°After Lady House let me play in that first event for free she said that if I wanted to play in any more I would have to pay for them myself.¡± ¡°You mean that I would have to pay for them.¡± Councilor A mused. ¡°Maybe.¡± The Orchid Keeper ate some shrimp off of the dining cart. ¡°But I found some other people to pay for my entry.¡± ¡°What other people?¡± ¡°Fans. From the crowd of tourists that come to watch the events. They gave me the money I needed to enter more games.¡± ¡°What did you offer them in return? Are you splitting the prize pool? Did you offer them extra summon crystals?¡± ¡°No. Nothing like that.¡± ¡°Then what?¡± ¡°Nothing. Nothing like that. They gave me the entry fee without any requests.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I told you. Because I¡¯m so stunning.¡± The Orchid Keeper drank a mimosa off of the cart. ¡°All they really wanted was to keep watching me play.¡± ¡°Well, that is preposterous.¡± The Councilor leaned back in his chair. He templed his fingers. ¡°But also potentially profitable. I need to make some calculations.¡± Councilor A pulled open his briefcase. He took out some papers and started making notes on them. ¡°Thank you so much for getting me into that banner event uncle.¡± The Orchid Keeper said. Councilor A didn¡¯t look up from his desk. ¡°Of course. Anything for my darling grand niece.¡± The Orchid Keeper removed her greasy satin gloves. She took her left glove in hand and shook it. Three glittering circular crystals slid out and bounced onto the dining cart. Meanwhile 5 Contingency *Knock*Knock* ¡°Come in. We were expecting you.¡± ¡°You have the infiltrators assembled?¡± ¡°They¡¯re all right here.¡± Meeker waved an arm at a group of shadowy thieves sitting around his table. The cloaked figures drew their cloaks tighter around their necks and pulled their hats down over their faces. They hurried inside the apartment and took a seat at the table next to the others. Meeker shut the door behind them. A dim halo of candlelight illuminated the living room. Shadows lurked behind the various tea kettles that lined the walls. In the darkness their handles became listening ears and their spouts became sinister eyes passing judgement on the group of assembled thieves. Meeker *Shuffled* some papers on the table. ¡°During the final event of the Tournament we will get into the vault and grab the loot. We will then use the elevators to transport the treasure down to the underground service tunnels. Once there we will load the goods into carriages and use them to smuggle our take out of the Gambling Hall.¡± ¡°Won¡¯t people notice us loading all this treasure into the carriages?¡± The Bowler Hat Rascal asked. ¡°They might, but it doesn¡¯t matter. The Councilor is visiting the Ocean¡¯s Bounty right now. All of his Capital Guard escorts are currently being barracked in the service tunnels. Between them, the regular security, the servers, porters, and the tourists, there will be too many people to keep track of.¡± Meeker pointed at a maze of service tunnels on his map of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. ¡°We can slip in during the event and be gone before anyone notices.¡± The Bowler Hat Rascal nodded. ¡°This is where you infiltrators come in. Before the event you need to sneak into the motor pool and summon five more carriages for us to use during our escape. I¡¯ll send down a note telling the bouncers that more carriages are being added by the Capital Guards. We will load these carriages with treasure during the heist. When we¡¯re finished we simply drive away without anyone asking questions. Do you all understand?¡± *Silent nods around the table* ¡°Good. I¡¯ll make sure that gemstones are delivered to you soon. Make sure that you all are ready when the time comes.¡± # ¡°Can you think of anything I might have missed?¡± Meeker frowned down at the huge map in front of him. ¡°Are you sure that five carriages will be enough? It might be good to have some spares in case some of them are broken or you need to make an early escape.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± Meeker made a note in the margins of the map. ¡°Get¡­ more¡­ carriages¡­ for the¡­ escape. There. That should take care of it. The plan is ready.¡± Meeker stood back and looked over the huge map with squiggles scrawled along the sides. An enormous boar was crouched down at his side. The boar¡¯s eyes were level with the table and scanned the contents with clear consideration. ¡°I never would have attempted this if it wasn¡¯t for you Pente.¡± Meeker ran a hand over the boar¡¯s bristly back. ¡°You¡¯re the only one who really believes in me. You are the only one that I trust with the full knowledge of the plan.¡± ¡°I¡¯m honored Meeker. Are you sure that I really deserve such a big responsibility?¡± A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. ¡°Of course you do. You are my secret weapon. You¡¯ve shared a thousand years of knowledge with me. You¡¯ve gone over the calculations of how much gold we can carry. You explained how the jade statues needed to be packaged for transport. You helped me plan the optimal escape routes through the city. Without you none of this would have been possible.¡± Meeker waved at the map. ¡°Meeker¡­ you don¡¯t know what that means to me. All of the others, they were always so disappointed with me. I was big and strong. They said that I should help them fight. But I didn¡¯t like fighting. I hated it.¡± Pente sunk to the floor. The boar¡¯s nose twitched. ¡°I liked calculating. And I liked planning. But that wasn¡¯t enough. So I hid myself away.¡± Meeker bent down and scratched the prodigious pig behind the ear. ¡°Pente, Pente, you don¡¯t have to worry about that. You¡¯re not in the dungeon any more. And you¡¯ll never have to fight as long as I¡¯m around.¡± ¡°You promise.¡± ¡°I promise.¡± Meeker stood up. He walked over to the window and stared out. He looked up past the rooftops of the buildings around his apartment. In the distance daggers of light from the Ocean¡¯s Bounty cut across the fabric of the dark sky. ¡°One last job. The biggest this town has ever seen. And once it¡¯s done I¡¯ll be the most infamous thief in the entire Kingdom. No more fighting. No more stealing. We will never have to work a day in our lives ever again.¡± ¡°That sounds nice. Maybe you could buy a nice quiet cottage outside the city.¡± ¡°Come on Pente, we will be richer than our wildest dreams. We will have a mansion, and servants. Fine clothes, and electric lamps. Nothing but the best for us from now on.¡± Pente looked at Meeker. ¡°If that¡¯s what you want Meeker.¡± Meeker looked at the city. ¡°It¡¯s what everyone wants Pente. And it¡¯s what I deserve.¡± ¡°Meeker¡­¡± ¡°Hmmm?¡± ¡°There is one last thing.¡± Pente twisted a hoof on the floorboards. ¡°What is it?¡± Meeker asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to say it. I don¡¯t know what to do. It¡¯s hard to explain. In the Ocean¡¯s Bounty¡­ there¡¯s another one. Another like me.¡± ¡°Another big talking animal?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the cat. Isn¡¯t it?¡± Pente¡¯s mouth opened and shut. ¡°How did you know?¡± Meeker paced in front of the window. ¡°There have always been rumors of Lady House¡¯s exceptionally efficient security system. For years the Ocean¡¯s Bounty has been untouchable. Anyone that tries to pull a con on the grounds is caught almost immediately. Most Haberdashers believe that Lady House is some kind of witch. Some say that she has a magic sword that can find criminals.¡± Meeker stepped over to the table in the center of the room. He pulled three teacups off of the shelves nearby. He set the cups down on the table. ¡°I always wondered why she kept that annoying animal with her at all times. Why she would let it wander her gambling hall unsupervised all the time.¡± Meeker put a sugar cube down on the table. ¡°After I met you it all made so much sense.¡± Meeker put a larger sugar cube on the table. ¡°An animal can go places that a person can¡¯t. And if a thief did sneak in they wouldn¡¯t care if they were spotted by a dumb cat. But if the cat can talk, it can give Lady House information. Anyone who tries to pull a job while that cat is watching them has failed before they¡¯ve even started. Meeker flipped the teacups over. One of them he placed on top of the small sugar cube, another on the large sugar cube, and the last one remained empty. Meeker started shifting the cups on the table. He moved one to the side, then swapped its position on the table with another. He repeated this action, over and over, faster and faster. ¡°But she doesn¡¯t know about you. You¡¯ve never left the apartment. And since she doesn¡¯t know then that means the cat doesn¡¯t know. And therefore the cat doesn¡¯t know that I know. Which means that I know what it doesn¡¯t know.¡± Meeker stopped spinning the cups. He spread his fingers wide and flipped over all three teacups at the same time. The sugar cubes were gone. Under the center cup was a single glittering coin. Pente *Clip Clop Clapped* its hooves together in applause. ¡°Wow Meeker. That was incredible. But¡­ I still don¡¯t see how you¡¯re going to prevent Lady House¡¯s cat from discovering your plan.¡± Meeker smiled. ¡°The point is that all we have to do for this plan succeeds is to make sure that the person inside the Ocean¡¯s Bounty that finds out about it, isn¡¯t the cat.¡± The boar wiggled its tusks in thought. ¡°Huh?¡± *Knock*Knock* Meeker walked over to the door. He opened it. ¡°Good. You¡¯re here. Don¡¯t worry. Everyone else has left. There¡¯s no one here but us.¡± The Vesper Debutante stepped into the room. Meanwhile 6 Doors ¡°Come on. Keep looking! It¡¯s got to be here somewhere.¡± ¡°What does it look like?¡± Champ Letterman crouched down behind a coffee table shouted over to his son. ¡°It looks like a little metal disc. About a centimeter across. It screws on right here at the joint.¡± Champ pointed to the joint of the nutcracker that was tied around his neck. One of the fastening nuts was missing. Champ, Jack, and Ted were in one of the guest rooms at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Most of the furniture had been pushed aside into the corners of the room. Jack leaned down and peered under a couch. ¡°I don¡¯t see anything. It could have fallen off anywhere in the building.¡± Jack sat up on his heels. ¡°Do you really need it? Why not leave it behind?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t go in front of Lady House, the richest woman in the four Kingdoms, with a busted nutcracker. This is my badge of office. An un-summoned heirloom passed down in our family for generations.¡± Champ grumbled. ¡°Grandpa made that, and he passed it to you. That¡¯s only one generation.¡± Jack flicked carpet fibers from his shoes. ¡°And when I pass it to you that will be two generations, making it plural. Making it¡­ a Dynasty.¡± Mayor Letterman emphasized. Jack rolled his eyes. Ted lifted up an ottoman. He frowned at the empty floor underneath it. ¡°Could we find a replacement part maybe?¡± Champ nodded. ¡°Good idea Ted. You two quickly summon something to fix it with.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± asked Jack. ¡°No time to debate. Don¡¯t think! Just do it!¡± ¡°Okay!¡± Ted and Jack leapt to their feet. The two boys held out their hands. Summon circles appeared. *Ka-zap*Zap*Zap* Two metal rings and a donut *Clattered* onto the table. Champ Letterman leaned over and examined them. He picked up one of the metal fasteners. ¡°Hmmm. The threads on this one are going in the wrong direction.¡± Jack looked down at his feet. Champ picked up a metal nut the size of a dinner plate with two hands. ¡°And this one is more of a bracelet than a fastener.¡± Ted looked down at his feet. Champ held up a donut. ¡°And this one is a donut.¡± Jack looked puzzled. ¡°Yes. Why did you summon that father?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t paying attention. I had low blood sugar, that''s all.¡± Champ took a bite out of the donut. Jack rubbed his neck. ¡°Maybe we can find someone else to summon a replacement? I¡¯ve heard that Lady House has some of the best craftsmen in the entire Kingdom working for her.¡± Champ looked down at his watch. ¡°There is no time. I have a meeting scheduled with Lady House for exactly ten o''clock. I¡¯m already dangerously late for being early. The two of you should head to your rooms.¡± Champ looked down at his chest. ¡°Maybe I can hold it in place with one of my hands¡­?¡± ¡°By the way father. About earlier today...¡± ¡°What about it?¡± ¡°When I was in jail-¡± ¡°Don¡¯t even mention it. We¡¯re going to forget that little incident ever happened. We are all going to forget about it. Understand?¡± Champ looked back and forth between Jack and Ted. ¡°Yes father.¡± ¡°Yes sir.¡± # Privati slowly closed the huge carved mahogany door leading into her Aunt¡¯s study. The *Thunk* of the door radiated off of the wood paneling inside the room. ¡°Late again Privati? Tardiness is not a trait of good character.¡± said Bede. Bede stood in the center of the room. Privati walked up beside him. ¡°Early again Bede? If you keep bootlicking this much you¡¯ll never get the taste of shoe leather out of your mouth.¡± ¡°Are the two of you finished?¡± Lady House sat on the other side of a huge metal desk in the center of her study. A segmented metal conveyor belt ran up the side of the desk, through the middle, and then back down on the other side into a cutout in the floor. At regular intervals aluminium clipboards with papers attached to them would ride up the conveyor belt and onto her desk. Lady House scanned the papers as they moved past. A series of foot pedals mounted under her desk allowed her to stop the conveyor belt as she wished so she could sign one of the papers with a fountain pen. Lady House looked over the edge of her desk. ¡°Privati, did you clean up your shoe closet like I told you to?¡± Privati rubbed her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m almost done. I was busy finding more caterers for the final competition banquet. You said you wanted them ready ahead of time so I¡¯ve had to pull in almost every freelance cook in the city.¡± ¡°I¡¯m tired of seeing loose footwear in the halls. Get it done. Or I¡¯ll ban you from the rooftops for three weeks.¡± ¡°Yes, aunty House.¡± Privati grumbled. ¡°Bede.¡± Lady House turned to look at her nephew. ¡°Did you throw out your expired perfume yet?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t had time. I¡¯ve been scheduling all of the lighting techs for the competition. It¡¯s a lot of work.¡± ¡°It would have been less work if you had started it a month ago when I first asked you to do it.¡± Bede said under his breath. ¡°What was that?¡± House asked. ¡°What was what?¡± Bede looked innocent. Lady House continued. ¡°We are about to host the most prestigious competition in the five Kingdoms. Every gambler and opportunist from one ocean to the next will be coming to my city to try and make their fortune. Many of them will be trying to cheat. So what do we need?¡± ¡°We need to be better at cheating than they are.¡± Bede and Privati said in unison. ¡°That¡¯s right. I will burn this city to the ground before I let someone beat us. We, do not, lose.¡± ¡°We¡¯re not going to lose Aunty House.¡± Privati assured her. ¡°You two have already lost a lot of time with Vance. Who I am sure, is up to something again.¡± Privati looked at her nails. ¡°Vance is harmless.¡± Bede snickered. ¡°What was that?¡± House asked. ¡°What was what?¡± Bede looked innocent. ¡°Don¡¯t be a smartass. I¡¯m not talking about your backchat. What was that noise?¡± *Scratch*Scratch* Lady House looked up at the door. ¡°Bede, let her in.¡± *Sigh* ¡°Yes, Aunty.¡± Bede walked over to the study door. He turned the handle and opened the door a little, only to have the entire door suddenly shoved open in front of him. Zestal barged its way inside the room. The enormous cat made a straight line for Lady House¡¯s desk. But it also made no effort to avoid the cousins. Zestal playfully rubbed its hip against Bede¡¯s leg, almost knocking him over. Then the huge cat used the flat of its head to bunt Privati¡¯s shins out of the way. Privati stumbled to the side. Zestal finally jumped up onto House¡¯s desk and crouched down on one corner. The cat¡¯s eyes flicked back and forth, watching the cousins over the top of the mechanical paperwork delivery system. Lady House casually reached over and scratched the cat between its ears. Bede *Grunted* and shut the door behind the cat. Privati looked like she wanted to say something. She didn¡¯t. ¡°Do you two think I enjoy this?¡± House said. Privati glanced around. ¡°Petting your cat?¡± Lady House¡¯s eyes froze the blood in their veins. ¡°No. Leave Zestal out of this. You know what I meant.¡± Privati shrugged. ¡°Do you think I enjoy constantly making sure that you keep with the barest of responsibilities that I¡¯ve handed to you?¡± Bede put his heels together and *Siiighed* until his head was facing the ceiling. ¡°No Aunty House. House templed her fingers. ¡°You two had better heed my words while you can. You have been given incredible privileges, but those privileges can be revoked. Despite your lack of appreciation I do not think that you two, or even your associate Vance, would enjoy having everything taken from you. Winning back what you have lost is much less fun than merely keeping what you already have.¡± House settled back in her chair. ¡°But I¡¯m not even sure that the Moons themselves could keep you three from prowling the city like hyenas.¡° If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Lady House looked down at her paperwork. ¡°Do either of you have anything else to say?¡± ¡°No, Aunty House.¡± ¡°No. Aunty House.¡± ¡°Good. Then go get to work.¡± # The Inflexible Bouncer sat on a leather couch across from the doors leading to Lady House¡¯s office. She chewed a strand of licorice. A brown paper bag of candy sat on the seat next to her. As Bede and Privati exited the office she flicked a whip of licorice at them. The candy bounced off of Bede¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Stop making extra work for me!¡± Angel shouted. She dug her hand into the bag of candy and pulled out a strip of taffy. Bede flinched. ¡°We don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡± ¡°Yes you do!¡± Angel proceeded to throw handfuls of candy at the cousins. ¡°There were two fires in Kaseihgaeu today. Two fires! In a city with one of the most extensive public infrastructure in the five kingdoms.¡± Privati held her hand up to deflect a sourball. ¡°That could have been anyone that was involved with those fires. What makes you think it was us?¡± ¡°One of the fires was started by a girl that fell out of the sky.¡± She glared at Privati. ¡°And the other was started by fireworks going off in the park.¡± She glared at Bede. Neither of the cousins met her eyes. Privati twisted one of her heels into the marble tiles of the hallway. ¡°Why do you keep using Kaseihgaeu¡¯s security to take care of public emergencies? You could always let the Guard handle it. Isn¡¯t that what Guardsmen are supposed to be for?¡± Angel stuck her pinky in the air. ¡°Fie to that! Fie, I say. The Guard is about as useful as a gold plated catheter and twice as expensive. The sooner those bootlickers are out of the city the better.¡± ¡°Unlike your very cheap private security force¡­¡± Privati looked down at the chunk of licorice on the ground by her feet. ¡°Are you going to pick that up?¡± Angel shrugged. ¡°Eh, the cat will eat it.¡± ¡°Ugh, I know. It¡¯s so gross.¡± Privati shivered. Angel pointed her chin at the cousins. ¡°Hey. While you¡¯re here. You got¡¯em?¡± She wiggled her eyebrows in anticipation. Bede *Sighed*. He walked over to the couch and drew a pair of tickets out of his pocket. He handed the tickets to Angel. ¡°Here. Just like you asked. I made sure to get you front row seats.¡± ¡°Nice. Don¡¯t believe what anyone says. You kids are actually useful sometimes.¡± Mayor Letterman, seated across the hallway, tried his best not to acknowledge the others as he waited for his officially scheduled appointment. # (Four Hours Later) The door of the office opened. Lady House stepped out and shut the door behind her. The hallway outside her office was quiet, muffled by the night. Only a few persistent arc-lamps buzzed dutifully in their sockets. House stretched her neck to the side once. *Crack* She was about to head down the hall to her bedroom when, for no reason at all, she turned her head and glanced over at the couches that lined the corridor in front of her office. ¡°Oh? Mayor Letterman. There you are.¡± She remarked. With a start, Champ Letterman¡¯s elbow slipped off of the chair he was resting on. He looked up and scrambled to his feet. ¡°Ah. Yes. Here I am.¡± He quickly wiped his eyelids with a hand. There was stubble on his chin. He frowned. ¡°It¡¯s after midnight. Have you been waiting out here a long time?¡± House asked. ¡°Only a few hours.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°We¡­ we had a meeting scheduled.¡± Letterman tilted forward on his toes. ¡°I had completely forgotten about that.¡± Lady House said in a tone that did not imply sympathy. She glanced down. ¡°Are those rug-burn marks on your pants?¡± ¡°Uh!¡± Champ quickly slapped his pants clean. ¡°Are those donut crumbs on your shirt?¡± ¡°Eh!¡± Champ quickly slapped his shirt clean. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with your nutcracker?¡± Lady House pointed at the nutcracker that was dangling from Champ¡¯s neck. The Mayor impulsively slapped the nutcracker on his chest. The weakened woodwork winced under the wallop of his wild whack. With all the indignity the nutcracker could manage it slipped its chain and fell to the floor where it *Snapped* into two pieces. The wooden handle of the device slid over the marble floor tiles. Lady House stopped it from going further by putting her toe on it. Mayor Letterman crouched low and held his symbol of office in his hands. His eyes were so wide they looked like two boiled eggs. House picked up the loose wooden piece and carried it over to Letterman as he picked up the rest of the bits from the floor. ¡°I¡¯ve finished all of my business for the day. But if you would like to join me in my study we can have a drink. You look like you could use one.¡± # ¡°Can I interest you in a mild depressant? Grade two or maybe grade three if you like?¡± Champ Letterman looked around the study. It was three stories tall, decorated more like a museum than an office. The walls were lined with bookshelves and display cases. A variety of deep sea fish skeletons were hung from the ceiling on wires. Lines of miniaturized arc-lamps were inlaid into the walls to allow visitors to easily identify the displays set up around the room. ¡°Sorry, uh, what were you asking?¡± Champ blinked. ¡°Forgive me. I didn¡¯t mean to confuse you. I¡¯m actually a certified Alchemist. I was trying to ask if you would like a cocktail?¡± said Lady House. ¡°Ah yes, that would be fine.¡± House moved over to a wood paneled wet bar that ran along one wall. Green and brown bottles were lined up on several rows of shelves behind a huge glass panel. House pressed on the front of the panel. A perfectly cut section of the glass folded open. It was mounted on a nearly invisible glass hinge kept in place with a ludicrously transparent glass latch. The housing was assembled so seamlessly that the bottles appeared to almost float inside the container. House retrieved a bottle of whiskey from inside the case, then closed it again returning the illusion of the glass panel being one solid piece. Champ Letterman stood on the opposite side of the study. He looked down at a chessboard the size of a dining table that was inlaid with red and white ceramic tiles. Thirty one polished nutcrackers were lined up on opposite sides of the board. They stood like patient statues. Which, being made of wood, was what they were. Champ stared down at the table. ¡°I was always under the impression that Kaseihgaeu didn¡¯t have a Mayor. Why do you have so many nutcrackers?¡± Lady House looked over. ¡°Those aren¡¯t mine. Or, at least they don¡¯t belong to me in official capacity. They¡¯re not a symbol of my office like yours. I acquired that collection over a long career.¡° ¡°What did you do to acquire them?¡± ¡°Fundraising.¡± ¡°So then, they¡¯re like gifts that you received as thanks?¡± ¡°They¡¯re more like trophies.¡± Lady House walked across the room and handed a glass of whiskey to Champ. ¡°Before our previous Mayor took his generous retirement he included a provision in the town charter. In the event that the election was delayed a Locum could be appointed by the local Craftsman¡¯s Guild.¡± Champ accepted the glass of alcohol. He took a drink and swallowed. ¡°I¡¯ve heard of that provision. Most Mayors avoid it. We, they don¡¯t like letting offices go unfilled. And how long has the election been delayed?¡± ¡°Thirty one years.¡± ¡°That long? You run this gambling house, manage the city, appoint judges, pay the local guard, and you¡¯ve never once been elected.¡± ¡°That is correct.¡± ¡°What a city¡­¡± Champ Letterman downed the rest of his whiskey. He leaned over and tried to sit down on what he thought was a shag covered couch. ¡°Grrr¡­¡± Zestal growled. ¡°Ah!¡± Champ caught himself at the last minute before he sat on the ¡®couch¡¯. He rolled sideways past Zestal and landed on the floor. The whiskey glass slipped from Champ¡¯s fingers and *Shattered* on the floor. ¡°Son of a birch bark tree, I thought that animal was a couch.¡± Champ heaved himself up on his elbows. House ran her hand over Zestal¡¯s fur. ¡°My poor sweet baby. Mistaken for furniture once again. You¡¯re not hurt are you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± Champ said. House looked up. ¡°Ah yes¡­ good.¡± Zestal snorted. Champ tried to collect himself. ¡°Your, pet is very large. What does she eat?¡± ¡°Whatever she wants.¡± Zestal grinned. VVVVVVVvvvvvvvVVVVVVV Champ resisted the urge to start counting teeth. Lady House tapped one of her fingernails against the drinking glass in her hand. *Ting*Ting* Zestal looked up, twitched its nose, then got up and retreated to a regular sized cat bed in the corner of the room. The cat delicately placed its paws into the bed and wiggled down until it became a mountain of fur curled on top of a tiny circle of fabric. A few seconds later a deep, rumbling noise could be heard as the cat snored away atop the bed. Champ cleared his throat. ¡°Yes, well, I¡¯m sorry about the glass.¡± He looked around sheepishly. ¡°Do you have a broom, or a servant bell anywhere¡­?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± Lady House held up a hand. There was a hum of energy and a magic circle appeared under the broken glass. A sheet of parchment paper manifested under the glass shards. Lady House twirled her fingers. The edges of the sheet curled up and folded themselves over each other creating an envelope around the pieces of the drinkware. As the magic circle faded all that was left was a proper paper parcel positioned perfectly to pack away the glass shards. Champ picked up the paper containing the glass. ¡°Impressive.¡± ¡°Thank you. By the way, how is your son? Did he get out of jail already?¡± Champ stopped himself from dropping the glass again. He set the package down on a nearby table. Then he slouched down into a nearby leather chair. (He made sure that the furniture was actually furniture this time.) He ran a hand over the streak of silver hair at his temple. ¡°No, he got out earlier this evening. He¡¯s already back in our rooms. Will you need me to sign off on any paperwork regarding his arrest?¡± House sipped from her glass and looked out a window at the town. ¡°There won¡¯t be any paperwork.¡± Champ draped his arms over the sides of the chair. ¡°Thanks for that. I¡¯m sorry that you had to see that. He really is very well behaved. He¡¯s not normally so impulsive. You don¡¯t know what it¡¯s like, raising a son all by yourself.¡± ¡°Actually, I have some idea.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been the sole guardian for my niece and nephew since they were teenagers.¡± Champ slapped his forehead. ¡°Oh right! Your assistants, er, your niece and nephew, I had forgotten about them. I didn¡¯t mean any disrespect. I assure you that me and my son have the greatest respect for your town. This city is a model for the entire Kingdom.¡± ¡°And your city isn¡¯t?¡± Champ¡¯s head rolled back. He stared at the ceiling. ¡°You know it isn¡¯t.¡± House sat down next to Letterman. ¡°Why are you trying so hard to make Star Town something it is not?¡± Champ spoke to the ceiling. ¡°I was handed my position. My father made sure of it. My position as Mayor was inescapable. But it didn¡¯t even matter. Star Town is a small city at the edge of the Kingdom. We don¡¯t have any special crafts. We don¡¯t have a mana point higher than 1.2. Most of our young people go off to become Adventurers or Bakers or sailors and then never return. My father didn¡¯t care. He only cared to use his position as Mayor to make sure that no one bothered him while he was in his crafting workshop.¡± Champ looked sideways at House. ¡°I was the one who was trained to be Mayor. My desires were irrelevant. I had a destiny that I had to fulfill. Only when I finally got the position did I realize how truly powerless I was. I¡¯m basically a placeholder.¡± Champ¡¯s fists clenched. ¡°I won¡¯t let it be the same for Jack. I will make Star Town rich and powerful. I will make it so that when Jack becomes Mayor he will carve out a legacy that will make him one of the most influential men in the entire kingdom. I will make sure of it.¡± His fists unclenched. ¡°I just have to find something, anything, that our city can do better than the rest of the Kingdom. Some edge that we can exploit.¡± House set her whiskey glass aside. ¡°You could always pretend.¡± ¡°Pretend?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. Like my niece and nephew. After I took them in I made sure that they received every privilege. I gave them the best education, the finest food, the most fashionable clothes. I made sure that they would have every advantage to become the most respectable citizens in the Kingdom.¡± House clicked her tongue. ¡°And yet, they insist on indulging in frivolous activities. They keep getting distracted and causing trouble.¡± Champ chuckled. ¡°That sounds like Jack. I try to keep him on a strict schedule, but that boy is so willful. Why can¡¯t children just do as they¡¯re told?¡± House nodded. ¡°Indeed. I don¡¯t know where they get it from. But the point is that around me they¡¯ve learned how to pretend.¡± ¡°Pretend?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, pretend. They pretend to be quiet and well behaved. To be all the things that I raised them to be. They pretend, and I let them do it because one day I¡¯m hoping that they become the responsible little children that I planned for them to be.¡± Champ looked into Lady House¡¯s eyes. ¡°Pretend, huh¡­¡± Soft moonlight rippled in through the windows of the study and mixed with the buzzing arc-lamps on Lady House¡¯s desk. The mix of natural and artificial light bounced silver and gold off of Lady House¡¯s champagne colored hair. Her curly hair coiled around her head like an evening halo, giving her an ethereal quality. Champ *Coughed*. ¡°It is uh, getting late. I have a schedule I need to keep. I should probably go.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to go. Why don¡¯t we talk some more about how annoying it is raising children as a single parent.¡± Winsome House put her hand on Champ Letterman¡¯s muscled forearm. Her manicured fingernails traced a path along the veins leading to his broad hands. Champ Letterman turned his wrist and opened his hand. He felt her fingers slide into his palm. Winsome House¡¯s nails were polished, delicate, and unnervingly sharp. Meanwhile 7 How many legs does a spider have? ¡°Wow. That really does look like a spider.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer Leaned over and examined the wall. A pictogram of an arachnid had been etched into one of the bricks at chest height. ¡°Of course it does. I need it to be recognizable at a distance. If people don¡¯t see it then they won¡¯t believe what we want them to believe.¡± Bede put a small chisel and hammer back into his pocket. He straightened up and looked around. There was no one else beside him and the Tattooed Bouncer in the service corridor under the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. ¡°It doesn¡¯t look anything like mine.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer sighed. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Bede asked. The Tattooed Bouncer pointed to another section of the wall a few steps away. A tiny black circle with six arrows aimed at it was painted on a brick. Droplets of paint dripped down from the fresh application. It almost looked like a spider. If you squinted. (Not even if you squinted.) ¡°What? Why did you use paint?¡± Bede asked. ¡°I don¡¯t have a chisel.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer shrugged. ¡°I told you we need to make it stand out. What if someone washes the walls? Or if it flakes off? Look it¡¯s already dripping.¡± Bede worried. ¡°I can paint it again.¡± ¡°And why does it have only six legs?¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± ¡°Spiders have eight legs.¡± ¡°I thought that was scorpions.¡± ¡°It is scorpions. But it¡¯s also spiders.¡± The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°Huh? I did not know that.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer put his paintbrush down. He pulled a snack bar out of his pocket and started eating it. ¡°You¡¯re not *Munch* worried *Munch* are you?¡± Bede tried to clean up the painted ¡®spider¡¯ with his fingers. ¡°About what?¡± ¡°That you might¡­ you know.¡± Bede didn¡¯t turn around. ¡°No I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Come on. You know what they say. *Munch* The rumors. The rumors about the Spider. The rumors that if you make the mark of the Spider then you get bit by its fangs.¡± Bede snorted. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you believe those spirit-tales about secret conspiracies and shadowy assassins.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. *Munch* I¡¯ve seen some weird things come in and out of this Gambling Hall.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer crossed his arms. ¡°Those are nothing but stories meant to scare children. Do you really believe that there is a group of dangerous anarchists that have also coordinated a massive secret information network across the Kingdom?¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± Bede stood up. He looked at his paint covered fingers. He wiped his fingers on the Bouncer¡¯s arm. The Tattooed Bouncer frowned but continued eating his snack bar. Bede looked down the hallway. ¡°Rumors are nothing but stories. A story dies if there¡¯s no one that wants to pass it on, so the best rumors are the ones that feed on fear.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer crumpled his snack bar wrapper in a meaty fist. ¡°You¡¯re saying that the Spider isn¡¯t real?¡± Bede held out his arms. ¡°I¡¯m saying that for our purposes it doesn¡¯t matter if the Spider is real or not. When something terrible happens and people ask ¡®why¡¯ all you have to do is give them an explanation that they like and they will believe it. It doesn¡¯t matter if that explanation is true as long as it fits in with the story that they already like to tell themselves.¡± Bede put a hand on his chest. ¡°If a bunch of treasure goes missing, you could blame the people that work at the Gambling Hall and have direct access to the security system.¡± Bede slapped the wall. ¡°But it¡¯s much more fun to blame a clandestine organization of legendary myrmidons that have been plotting the Kingdom¡¯s downfall from the shadows.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer *Cracked* his knuckles. He stifled a yawn. ¡°I appreciate your dedication to the theatrical arts Mr Chambers, I really do, but I¡¯m in this more for the money than the drama.¡± ¡°So am I.¡± Bede looked around again. ¡°You remember what to do during the event right?¡± ¡°Stand by my post at the door. If someone in a costume shows up I¡¯m supposed to wave them through without any examination.¡± ¡°Good. Now let¡¯s get out of here. We need to give our spider pictures time to work.¡± Meanwhile 8 Valves ¡°Which of these has the layout for the main event hall?¡± Vance leaned over a desk and shuffled a pile of papers around. The Dilettante Sewermaster looked back from where he was working. ¡°Check the desk drawers. They should be sorted alphabetically.¡± Vance fumbled with the drawers. ¡°So what folder am I looking for? ¡®E¡¯ for event stage or ¡®M¡¯ for main hall?¡± ¡°You should look in the ¡®A¡¯ folder.¡± ¡°Is it A for auditorium?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s listed as the Convention Hall, but it¡¯s the largest hall in the building so it¡¯s first alphabetically.¡± ¡°Found it.¡± Vance pulled out a large roll of technical drawings depicting a huge auditorium. ~If you didn¡¯t know that Vance and the Sewermaster were standing in a pump house you might assume that they were inside of a cathedral. A cathedral made of pipes! But you, dear readers, do know better. Because you are kind and intelligent people that are about to make good use of your imagination~ The interior of the space was wide and vacant with a smoothly polished marble floor. All along the walls copper tubes as thick as a man¡¯s arm were gathered into clusters that stretched from the floor to the ceiling like doric columns. At the ceiling these pipes angled sharply creating a steepled roof of copper cylinders before they plunged back up into the walls above. Hundreds of pressure meters were ensconced into the walls of the pump room. Their dials flickered like votive candles as they broadcast the condition of the multitude of pipes that ran through the room. The Sewermaster tapped a crescent wrench against a huge copper pipe mounted to the wall of the pump house. *Clang*Clang* Water rumbled on the other side. *Gurgle*Gurgle* He nodded with approval at the sound and put his crescent wrench away in a wide denim apron that was tied around his waist. The Sewermaster walked over to the drafting desk where Vance was seated. ¡°Why do you keep looking through my pipework schematics?¡± ¡°I¡¯m an incredible fan of grooved joints. That¡¯s all. What¡¯s wrong with someone appreciating quality joinery.¡± said Vance. ¡°I think that you¡¯re looking for more ways to sneak into the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± ¡°Why would I have to sneak in? People love me.¡± ¡°Hah!¡± The Sewermaster took up position on the opposite side of the desk. He picked a bar of soap up off the desk and removed a handful of metal files from his apron. He selected one of the files and began whittling the edges of the soap into shape. ¡°For someone unemployed you are unusually busy. I see more of you than my own grandchildren. Maybe you shouldn¡¯t spend so much time in the sewers Vance.¡± The Sewermaster raised an eyebrow. ¡°It¡¯s not healthy.¡± Vance folded the papers down so he could look across the desk. ¡°Don''t you know what a grudge is?¡° ¡°Of course I do. You could pack an elephant¡¯s trunk with all the resentment that I carry. I¡¯ve named every toilet in the building after someone who has wronged me. And an equal number for people who have merely inconvenienced me.¡± The Sewermaster finished carving the trunk of a soap elephant and then placed it on a stack of other soap sculptures that were lined up on the edge of the desk. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Vance ruffled the papers. ¡°That''s part of why I love you Gaded. You really understand the dedication that it takes to despise someone over a long period of time. A grudge takes commitment. You have to keep working at it. Why should I be the one to go around handing out forgiveness like a street bee hands out candy?¡± Vance compared two sets of schematics, then smiled to himself. ¡°Oh yes. This will work very well. Hehehe.¡± The Sewermaster arranged two soap turtles so they were stacked on top of each other. ¡°Oh great, now you¡¯re talking to yourself and giggling. That¡¯s always a good sign.¡± Vance slammed his hands down on the desk. The Sewermaster jumped up to grab the soap sculptures and prevent them from shaking off the desk. ¡°Health, happiness, even sanity, all of these things are acceptable sacrifices in the name of revenge.¡± Vance¡¯s eyes were a little too wide. A little too focused. Despite the fact that he wasn¡¯t really looking at any thing. (sic) Gaded the Sewermaster didn¡¯t blink and rearranged his soap sculptures. ¡°It¡¯s a shame that such an intelligent and likable young man like yourself is so adversarial. I¡¯m sure that if you made polite with Lady House you could have found a position in the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Maybe you could still get a job with Bede and Privati. That doesn¡¯t sound too bad does it? The three of you used to be such good friends.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not for sale.¡± Vance¡¯s lip twitched. ¡°Everyone is for sale. It just takes some people longer to settle on a price.¡± ¡°And what about you? Don¡¯t you feel the slightest bit of indignation that you¡¯ve been stuffed into the Ocean¡¯s Bounty¡¯s basement? You used to be one of the most infamous thieves in the entire Kingdom.¡± Vance waved his arm. The Sewermaster dragged a file over the edge of a piece of soap. Rough grooves were gouged out of the side of the surfactant. *Rasp*Rasp* ¡°Don¡¯t get me wrong, I still hate Lady House. I had the most elaborate counterfeiting operation in the history of the Kingdom. Maybe in the history of the world. Then along came little Winsome House. A penderless noble. A failed alchemist. A disgraced haberdasher. She didn¡¯t even wear a hat. And yet she infiltrated my organization, learned my smuggling routes, and sold me out to the Capital Guard.¡± *Rasp*Rasp* Vance shook his head. ¡°How dare she. All you were doing was committing massive fraud by duplicating people¡¯s summons and then selling them at the underground market.¡± Gaded waved a file across the table. ¡°Exactly, it was a victimless crime.¡± Vance spread his arms. ¡°And here you are cleaning her sewer pipes. Doesn¡¯t that piss you off?¡± ¡°Like you wouldn¡¯t believe.¡± ¡°Then why work with her?¡± *Rasp*Rasp* *Rasp*Rasp* ¡°Do you know what anger and fine wine have in common Vance?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°They mellow with age.¡± *Rasp*Rasp* Gaded placed a soap block shaped like a coiled serpent down on top of a soap hippo. ¡°I find that money is a soothing balm for many of life¡¯s woes. I take home a huge pay-writ every week. I even have a dispensation for barber services.¡± Vance folded the papers in front of him and put them back in the desk. ¡°She stole your carriage and then paid you for the opportunity to sit on the luggage rack, what a sorry state of affairs.¡± ¡°Fine, let me put it a different way, she pays me not to care. Also, the title of Sewermaster gives me a fair amount of clout. Especially in a large city like Kaseihgaeu that has a complex sewer system. The only thing I really hate about the situation is how much I enjoy it.¡± Vance closed the desk drawer. He glanced at Gaded Gaded looked up. His eyes traced along the hundreds of pipes intersecting the room. ¡°It turns out that water utilities were my calling all along.¡± Gaded paused his whittling. ¡°It¡¯s a profession that combines logistics, planning, and metallurgy. The systems involved are more complex than anything that I ever dealt with as a smuggler. And the challenge of maintaining pressure across so many networks gives me genuine satisfaction in my work.¡± Gaded looked down. *Rasp*Rasp* ¡°And without Lady House stealing my criminal empire I never would have been placed with such an opportunity. I love my job but I hate the path that I took to get here.¡± Vance folded his hands in his lap. Gaded continued to whittle a lump of soap. *Rasp*Rasp* *Rasp*Rasp* Vance stood up. *Clears Throat* ¡°Well, I need to get going. Like you said I am very busy.¡± Gaded smiled. ¡°Of course. Don¡¯t let me keep you too long. You¡¯re free to drop by any time.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t mind me storing some rolls of fabric down here do you?¡± ¡°Not at all. As long as you don¡¯t mind me denying to everyone else in the Ocean¡¯s Bounty that you were ever down here.¡± ¡°How could I be upset by events that never happened?¡± ¡°Ha ha ha.¡± ¡°Hehehe.¡± Vance and Gaded laughed together. Their laughter echoed off of the cathedral of pipes around them, slowly fading as warm copper tubes plunged into cold stone. *Gurgle*Gurgle* Buffer 17///35 ¡°Why don¡¯t I feel hungry?¡± Your m?tabolic processes have been suspended. ¡°That¡¯s good I suppose. I¡¯m almost certain there¡¯s no air in here. Not having to breathe solves that problem. But what about my brain? How am I still able to think?¡± Selective elyctrical/mental processes are allowed to continue by consuming mana. ¡°So I''m living on mana alone right now. Heh, does that mean I¡¯ve become a creature like you now?¡± This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Yes/No/It depends. ¡°If my metabolism has been suspended does that mean that I¡¯m not aging right now?¡± Correct. ¡°How convenient. I¡¯ve known many that would pay good money to be in this exact situation. It almost makes the blinding tedium of this place worth it.¡± # ¡°How long has it been?¡± How long? ¡°The time that I¡¯ve spent here. How much has passed? I can¡¯t, it¡¯s all so still. I¡¯ve lost track of how many days have gone by.¡± That thing, time/gravity has no effect on this place. ¡°Is something like that really possible?¡± It was. For My King/Eictor. ¡°But not anymore?¡± Who can say. Meanwhile 9 Notes Desk Officer Soppurt leaned back in his chair. The lights outside the city dimmed. He brushed a stray strand of hair away from his eyebrows. He rubbed at a spot of mustard on his shirt. He rotated one of the rings on his fingers. The arc-lamp on his desk flickered. Soppurt scooted up and flicked the bulb with his middle finger. *Tic*Tap* The bulb responded to his percussive maintenance and resumed normal operations. Desk Officer Support leaned back in his chair. The city was dark now. He started humming to himself. The front door of the Guard Station *Creaked* open. The Stalwart Gate Guard shuffled inside. The young Guard pumped his fist in salute. ¡°Officer Soppurt. I have returned from guard duty sir.¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard snapped his heels together with a ferocity that would make a cobbler flinch. Soppurt¡¯s right ear wiggled. ¡°I keep telling you I am not your commanding officer. I am merely your superior in rank.¡± ¡°As you say sir!¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard pumped his fist again somehow still maintaining roughly ninety percent sincerity in his actions. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Soppurt waved a hand dismissively. ¡°At ease Guardsman Hardtack. Your dedication is a lesson to us all.¡± ¡°As you say sir. It is time for us to be relieved by the Cateye shift sir. If you are prepared sir, I shall submit my shift report and surrender my weapons to the armory.¡± Soppurt leaned back and looked at the ceiling. ¡°It¡¯s not an armory Hardtack, it¡¯s a cabinet.¡± ¡°As you say sir. Here is my report.¡± Guardsman Hardtack pulled out a sheaf of papers as thick as a cutting board. Soppurt eyed the stack out of the corner of his eye. ¡°Itching earwax, where do you find the time Hardtack?¡± ¡°I make sure to catalogue every visitor to the Gates of with exceptional thoroughness sir.¡± ¡°So I see¡­¡± ¡°Sir?¡± ¡°Hmmm?¡± ¡°Would you like to add anything to the report before it¡¯s filed?¡± ¡°Hmmm,nnnooo¡­.¡± *Ahem* ¡°It¡¯s just the Le Tenat didn¡¯t submit a report yesterday.¡± ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°Or the day before that. Or the week before that. Or the month before that.¡± Soppurt rocked back in his chair. ¡°Sometimes the days are quiet and there¡¯s nothing to report. How about you? Any more weather irregularities to report today?¡± Hardtack looked down at his boots. ¡°Er¡­ no sir.¡± ¡°Good. Now go and turn in your gear. Let¡¯s get out of here before those Cateye idiots turn the lights out on us again.¡± ¡°As you say sir.¡± The Stalwart Gate Guard walked over to a cabinet in the corner and started to remove his gear. Desk Officer Soppurt flicked a loose cloth braid that was pinned to his shoulder. He stared up at a fountain pen that was embedded, tip first, into one of the wooden beams of the ceiling. Soppurt smirked. He sat up and pulled an identical fountain pen from one of his desk drawers. With a *Sigh* he leaned over and made a single note on the day¡¯s activity ledger. ~Smoking Guard~ ¡°There. Paperwork finished.¡± Pull 74 (B)elow (M)orning *Snore* ¡°Hu- what-¡± Luke snapped awake. The storeroom was completely dark. Ash was breathing deeply an arm¡¯s length away. Crickets *Chirped* somewhere in the distance. Every now and then a sleeping chicken in the courtyard gave a lazy cluck. A wet nose bumped Luke¡¯s elbow. ¡°Can¡¯t sleep?¡± Eins asked. Luke rubbed his eyes. ¡°No.¡± ¡°You seem to have trouble sleeping. You wake up a lot in the middle of the night. Are you feeling alright?¡± Luke adjusted his pillow. ¡°Yeah. Sorry. It¡¯s an old habit. I didn¡¯t get a lot of sleep in the Capital. I had responsibilities.¡± Luke tried to look at his hand in the darkness. ¡°I never noticed it before but I think that the elixir made me resistant to fatigue. So I suppose it wasn¡¯t all bad.¡± Luke stared at the ceiling in the dark. ¡°Do you think we¡¯re doing the right thing Eins?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really know what I did. I don¡¯t really know what I¡¯m doing. And I don¡¯t really know if I can fix things.¡± ¡°You¡¯re worried about robbing the Gambling Hall.¡± ¡°... a little.¡± Luke folded his hands. ¡°I just wish that I knew for certain that I was doing the right thing to fix my mistake.¡± Eins put a paw on Luke¡¯s hand. ¡°Hey now, you¡¯re doing your best. Which is all anyone can ask of you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. Maybe I¡¯m overthinking things.¡± ¡°It¡¯s late. And we still have five more days before we execute the plan. You should try to get some more sleep.¡± ¡°Thanks Eins. You¡¯re a good friend.¡± ¡°Mhmm. Luke rolled over. Eins stared at the ceiling in the dark. # ¡°Did you kids eat breakfast?¡± ¡°Yes Mr Plinth.¡± Luke said. ¡°Good. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. After brunch of course. Ho ho.¡± Plinth chuckled to himself. ¡°Oh, Ash?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± Ash looked into the kitchen from the courtyard. An angry chicken wrestled with a corncob in his hand. ¡°I prepared that to-go box like you asked.¡± ¡°Nice. Thanks Mr Plinth. You¡¯re the best.¡± Ash said. Ave and Tasha walked down the stairs into the courtyard. Each of them carried a canvas suit bag over their shoulder. Tripillli sat on top of Tasha¡¯s hair like a cephalon head ornament. The trilobites legs pinned her hair back. ¡°Good morning Ash.¡± Tasha called. ¡°Morning.¡± Ash replied. ¡°Are you and Luke ready?¡± Ave asked. Ash jammed one of his arms in the chicken coop. ¡°Almost. Once we finish the morning prep work we¡¯ll head over and put on our costumes so that we can get into the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± Tasha rolled her eyes. ¡°They¡¯re not costumes Ash. They¡¯re dress clothes. That¡¯s it.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like them.¡± ¡°It might be nice if you wore something that wasn¡¯t covered in dust all of the time.¡± Ash pulled an egg out of the coop. ¡°That¡¯s me. That dust is me. I am the dust.¡± Tasha waved a hand in the air. ¡°But have you ever considered maybe living a life of less¡­ wanton putrescence?¡± Ash pulled a fresh egg out of the coop. The warm butt nugget was coated with flecks of hay, feathers, and chicken feces. Ash wiped the egg on his shirt and put it in a nearby basket. ¡°No.¡± he said. Tasha *Groaned*. ¡°Speaking of appearances.¡± Ave hefted the canvas bag on her shoulder. ¡°We should get going so that we can make our appearance at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Remember, it¡¯s only a few days until the big event.¡± ¡°Five days.¡± Tasha chimed. ¡°That¡¯s right. Thank you Tasha. Five days. The semifinals are today so make sure you and Luke get to the Gambling Hall on time.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry. We¡¯ll meet up with our guy and head over right afterwards.¡± Ave looked over her shoulder. ¡°Right. Your mysterious friend. Who is he exactly?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a local, I think. His name is-¡± ¡°Ash! Tasha! Ave! Could you all come in here for a minute.¡± Plinth shouted from the restaurant. ¡°Coming Plinth!¡± Tasha shouted back. ¡°We had better go see what he wants.¡± # Plinth was waiting in the hallway next to the kitchen. Eins sat on the floor next to him looking a little bit anxious. Ash, Luke, Ave, and Tasha shuffled into the hallway one after another. ¡°Looks like a busy day for all of you.¡± Plinth wiped his hands on his apron. Ash nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right. We have a lot to do before we¡­ visit the Gambling Hall¡­ for fun.¡± ¡°Right. For fun.¡± Tasha nodded along. ¡°No so fast. You kids have some cleaning up to do.¡± Plinth put his hands on his hips. Tasha looked at Ave. Ave looked at Luke. Luke looked at Ash. ¡°Huh?¡± Ash looked confused. ¡°What are you talking about? Is this about the chickens? Those feathers were already missing I swear.¡± Plinth looked down his nose at the group. ¡°No, not that. You need to clean up in here. Your dog left a fresh log on the dining room carpet.¡± If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°He did?¡± Luke looked down at Eins. Eins didn¡¯t make eye contact. ¡°That¡¯s right. He did. *Cough* You had better go and clean it up before you leave today.¡± Ash stomped into the dining room. ¡°I can¡¯t believe this Eins. How could you? That¡¯s the most unexpectedly dog-like thing that-¡± Ash stopped in mid stride. Ash threw back his head. *Groooan* ¡°Everyone else might as well come in here.¡± Luke, Ave, and Tasha peeked their heads around the corner into the dining room. A block of fresh cut wood, the kind you might put into a fireplace, was sitting on the carpet all by itself. Ash poked the wood with his foot. ¡°A fresh log huh?¡± Plinth put one hand in front of his face. *Cough* ¡°That¡¯s right, I did say that didn¡¯t I. Ho ho.¡± Luke smiled. ¡°You got us again Mr Plinth.¡± Luke walked over and picked up Eins. Ave bangs fell in front of her eyes. ¡°Yes, very good. But please don¡¯t pull Eins into any of your nonsense Mr Plinth. I¡¯m scared that he¡¯ll develop a wooden sense of humor.¡± ¡°Ho ho, a harmless jest. I hope you will forgive me.¡± said Plinth. ¡°You know we will.¡± Ave said. Eins whispered at Luke. Luke whispered back. Luke scratched Eins¡¯ ears. ¡°Don¡¯t worry Eins. After all, who amongst us hasn¡¯t pooped on the floor at some point or another.¡± Ave kicked the log out into the courtyard. ¡°Come on Luke. Now you¡¯re making jokes as well.¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°Oh not at all. I¡¯ve pooped on the floor many times. Why would I lie about that?¡± ¡°You¡¯re serious? But, you mean when you were a baby right?¡± ¡°Nope. When I was ten I once ate an entire bar of baking chocolate. Did you know that baking chocolate is not the same as real chocolate? I didn¡¯t. I had to learn the hard way.¡± Ave looked back at Ash. ¡°Is he joking Ash?¡± ¡°No¡­ Why would he lie about that?¡± Ash avoided eye contact. ¡°Wait, don¡¯t tell me that¡­ you?¡± Ash twisted his fingers together. ¡°Look I saw him eat an entire bar of what I thought was chocolate and then I may have done the exact same thing.¡± ¡°Our mother had to throw out that rug.¡± Luke shook his head. ¡°Why did you eat it?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Because he did.¡± Ash pointed at Luke. ¡°Didn¡¯t it taste bad?¡± ¡°Not really.¡± Luke said. ¡°What about you?¡± she looked at Ash. ¡°It tasted horrible. I could barely finish it.¡± Ash grimaced. ¡°Then why did you continue?¡± ¡°I saw Luke eating it and I thought that maybe it got better after the first few bites.¡± Plinth looked wistful. ¡°Ah, to be young again. You know back when I was training to join the Bakers the members of my troop challenged each other to a sashimi slicing contest. We gorged ourselves on fish slices so thin you could see your fingerprints through them. Those were the days.¡± Plinth shook his head. ¡°Of course we all became violently ill. Too much cross contamination on our cutting boards. I was bedridden for three weeks! The barber was afraid that they might have to remove part of my colon.¡± Ave¡¯s face was a mask of confusion. ¡°This is the most disgusting conversation I¡¯ve ever been a part of. Tasha nodded. ¡°You¡¯re right. Come on Ave. We have to get going. We need to get to the Ocean¡¯s Bounty early.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right let''s get going.¡± Luke hoisted Eins. ¡°We¡¯re almost finished here. We¡¯ll take care of the rest of the prep and see you later.¡± ¡°Sounds good. Goodbye Mr Plinth.¡± said Tasha. ¡°Goodbye everyone.¡± said Ave. The two of them ran out the front door. Luke put down Eins and walked back to the courtyard. ¡°Come on Ash. We need to clean up before we leave.¡± Ash pulled at the sleeve of his shirt. ¡°Yeah, yeah, I¡¯ll wipe my hands before I go.¡± Luke shoved him towards the door. ¡°Ash that¡¯s not enough. Take a shower.¡± ¡°You take a shower!¡± Plinth watched them all leave. He crossed his arms and smiled to himself. ¡°That¡¯s better. I hate to see people walking out the door with frowns on their faces.¡± # ¡°I noticed back in the restaurant when the men were all talking about poop you didn''t say anything.¡± ¡°I did not.¡± ¡°Oh no, Tasha, you too?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like that. It¡¯s just that, when I¡¯m traveling on the road I drink a lot of coffee. Then I forget to eat and it all builds up and¡­¡± ¡°Tasha¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like to talk about it.¡± # ¡°Morning¡­¡± Rosy shambled down the stairs into the restaurant. Her hair was collapsed to one side like a wooden shack after a tornado. One of the buckles of the sword braced to her chest flapped loose. Cophin stepped out of the kitchen. He tossed a log into the pile next to the stove. ¡°Good morning Rosy. How did ya sleep?¡± He took a sip from a cup in his hand. Rosy leaned against the wall. *SNiiiF* ¡°Is that coffee? I would love some coffee.¡± ¡°Can I fix you some coffee?¡± ¡°I would love some¡­¡± Rosy absentmindedly scratched her abdomen. ¡°But I really shouldn¡¯t.¡± *Clatter* ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Plinth shut the shutters that faced the front of the resting restaurant. ¡°After all, coffee? In the morning? Coffee is for the evening when you¡¯re tired. It¡¯s mean to be consumed at the end of a meal, preferably supper.¡± Cophin stared over the lip of his cup. ¡°You¡¯re outta your damn mind. Coffee is a morning drink. It helps you wake up.¡± ¡°I¡¯m the Alchemist and what I know is that in the morning you need protein, for energy.¡± Plinth said. ¡°Don¡¯t be pedantic. You need fiber. For bulk. So you can have your first big bm of the day. And speaking of fiber¡­¡± Cophin turned and walked out into the courtyard. The door to the privy closed behind him. Plinth finished latching the shutters and turned to Rosy. ¡°Speaking of first meals, there¡¯s some fresh cantaloupe for you on the kitchen table, with some low fat yogurt on the side. I also prepared some granola for your mid morning meal. And there are some fish rolls in the ice box for your mid afternoon snack.¡± ¡°You take such good care of me Plinth.¡± Rosy smiled. ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to cook for someone who appreciates it.¡± Plinth took off his apron and folded it neatly on the table. "Are you sure you don''t mind watching the restaurant for the day? We''ll close up til dinner time, but I don''t want to leave you here by yourself if it''s to much trouble." "It''s no trouble. As long as you don''t mind me eating all of your marmalade." "By the way. I left some rum bonbons in the ice box." "Plinth, you know I really shouldn''t be eating something that rich." "I added dark chocolate and coconut but made sure to bake off the alcohol." "You didn''t need to bribe me. I''m happy to watch the shop for you." "Don''t be ridiculous. I only wanted to thank you. That''s all." "Well maybe I will have one." Cophin walked bowlegged out of the toilet. "That was incredible. It was a complete race to the bottom. I think I feel five pounds lighter. Watch this. I can finally touch my toes." Cophin bent over and touched his fingers to the tips of his toes. ¡°If that don¡¯t prove coffee is a morning drink I don¡¯t know what does.¡± Plinth opened the front door. "Alright let''s get going. Come on Cophin we need to get up the hill." "Where are the two of you going today?" Rosy asked. "Tha Ocean''s Bounty." Cophin groaned. "Really? That doesn''t seem like you two." "What does that mean?" Cophin raised an eyebrow. "Nothing. Only that you two don''t seem like the types that enjoy gambling." "Well you are correct. But we''re not going for gambling. There''s a separate event being held there today." Cophin said. "We were invited to attend.¡± Plinth added. "Plinth and Cophin, my very best of friends.¡± Lux appeared in the doorway and held out his arms. ¡°Are you ready for the conference today? It should be an incredible event. I have heard that guest speakers have been invited from all over the Kingdom." "A big banner event and a hospitality convention at the same time? This is too much excitement for one city if you ask me." Cophin scratched the scar on his arm. Plinth nodded. "Haha, yes. Let us hope that nothing else unpredictable happens this week. Ha ha..." "Ha ha..." Plinth and Rosy shared a nervous laugh. ¡°Haha ah. Excellent laughter everyone. A great way to start the day. If you two are ready, shall we go?¡± Lux made way for the others. "Very nice. We should be back before the dinner rush. We will see you later Rosy." Plinth waved. "Have a good time you three." "See you later Ms Rosy." said Lux. Rosy waved as they left. She watched them turn the corner of the street. When they were gone she shut the front door to the restaurant and then sprinted into the kitchen to find the ice box. Pull 75 You Go Yogurt ¡°Vance, why is your house so¡­ empty?¡± Ash looked around the mansion. At least¡­ it looked like a mansion. From the outside. The ballroom was filled with nothing. The bedrooms¡­ also filled with nothing. The spacious parlor with its high vaulted ceiling, tall windows, and carpeted floor was filled with so much nothing that you could hardly believe it. Vance looked up. ¡°I don¡¯t do a lot of entertaining.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you at least have any chairs?¡± Ash asked. ¡°Who has time to sit around?¡± Vance shrugged his shoulders. The only exception was the foyer. There were several piles of clothes scattered around the room. The piles seemed to be organized by color and size. One of the piles had a bed sheet draped over the top. ¡°Can we hurry this up? We have a shift later today.¡± Luke said. Luke stood on top of a milk crate in the otherwise empty entryway. There was a cracked floor mirror (that Ash had summoned) in front of him. Luke rotated left and right while Vance held up a vest in front of him. ¡°It¡¯s not too pompous is it?¡± Luke compared the color of the shirt he was wearing to the vest. ¡°We want pompous. It will make people underestimate you. When you step out onto the event stage we want the other contestants to have no idea what they¡¯re in for. It will make your victory all the more surprising.¡± Vance held up a different vest. ¡°When you win it¡¯s really going to excite the crowd. People will be talking all the way up to the Hundred Aught Hundred Ought final event.¡± ¡°I feel like a stuffed shirt.¡± said Luke. ¡°You are a stuffed shirt. We¡¯re using that to our advantage.¡± Ash crouched over a pile of clothes in the corner of the room. Eins sat next to him on the floor. Ash pulled up a navy coat with gold buttons and held it up for Eins to see. ¡°What do you think about this one?¡± Ash asked. ¡°It¡¯s a little thin. Can you find anything thicker?¡± Eins said. ¡°How about this one?¡± Ash held up a long, white, ankle length overcoat. The coat had notched lapels and fur trim around the sleeves and collar. Three silver buckles crossed over the waist and there were patches on the elbows sewn in with silver thread. Eins gave the coat a sniff. ¡°That should work.¡± Ash stood up and draped the coat over Luke¡¯s shoulders. ¡°And this overcoat too.¡± He said. Vance pouted. ¡°I don¡¯t know. We¡¯re trying to walk a delicate line here between ostentatious and artless. This coat doesn¡¯t really match the rest of the ensemble.¡± Ash rolled his eyes. ¡°What does it matter? They¡¯re only clothes. Fashion is stupid really. It¡¯s just vanity and narcissism.¡± ¡°That sounds like what a forgettable person would say.¡± Vance said. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Ash looked around the room. ¡°Does Bede mind that you borrow so many clothes from his costume wardrobe?¡± ¡°He won¡¯t mind if we don¡¯t tell him.¡± Vance gave a sarcastic smile. # Vance, Ash, and Luke jogged up the central hill in Kaseihgaeu. Luke carried Eins in his arms. ¡°Ah! We spend too long picking out clothes. We¡¯re going to miss registration.¡± Ash puffed. ¡°Come on. You can do it. One leg in front of the other.¡± Eins barked. ¡°Easy for you to say. You¡¯re not even running.¡± ¡°My little legs would only slow you down.¡± Eins wiggled its forepaws. ¡°Can¡¯t you fly? You have wings.¡± Luke asked. ¡°Yes¡­ But flying is hard¡­¡± Eins whined. ¡°Come on boys. I can see the Ocean¡¯s Bounty just up ahead.¡± Vance shouted. ¡°Ah bumbleduck! There¡¯s a line around the entire building! Which is a problem for us because we need to get inside. But this will not be easy since the hall can hold tens of thousands of people. Not to mention this is a very popular destination because of the tournament. Which means there will be even more people than normal.¡± ¡°We get it!¡± Ash panted while he gripped onto a nearby park bench. ¡°How are we going to get in?¡± Luke looked over the massive crowd. ¡°I¡¯ve got this. Follow me.¡± Ash waved at the others. # The Tattooed Bouncer casually squeezed a padded grip trainer as he lounged next to the side door leading into the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Ash, Luke, and Vance walked up towards the entryway. Eins was perched on Luke¡¯s shoulder partially hidden by his furry overcoat. Ash waved at the Bouncer. ¡°Hey there. Me again. We¡¯re just heading inside.¡± The Bouncer held up a hand. ¡°Sorry gentlemen. We are at capacity today. No one else comes in or out til the event is over.¡± ¡°Oh really? That¡¯s too bad.¡± Ash smiled at the bouncer. ¡°What¡¯s the event?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a big day. The final qualifying match for the Hundred Aught Hundred Ought contest. Do the three of you¡­ and your dog, have tickets.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer crossed his muscly arms. Ash continued smiling. ¡°We sure don¡¯t. Ah shucks. That¡¯s too bad. We were really hoping to get inside.¡± The Bouncer continued his flexing. ¡°You¡¯re not getting in through here today.¡± Ash shook his head. ¡°That¡¯s too bad. Well we might as well take a break and have a snack. What do you say gentlemen?¡± Ash turned around and pulled a package out from behind his back. He opened the package. There were six small palm sized wax and craft paper containers surrounded by cubes of ice. He pulled one out and handed it to Luke. ¡°Here you go. One for you. And one for Vance as well.¡± Ash handed out the containers. ¡°Bark.¡± ¡°Eins can have one but someone needs to hold the container for him. I don¡¯t want him making a mess everywhere.¡± Luke pulled the top off of the container exposing a milky white liquid inside. ¡°What is that?¡± The Tattooed Bouncer craned his neck. ¡°Oh nothing. Just some banana yogurt made by a Combat Baker.¡± said Ash. ¡°Did you say Combat Baker?¡± The Tattooed Bouncer¡¯s fingers flexed. ¡°Yeah it¡¯s packed full of protein and potassium. Almost too much potassium for me. I don¡¯t even have any muscle cramps right now and yet I can still feel my tissues loosening.¡± Ash opened a package. He used a wooden spoon to scoop up some yogurt. The Tattooed Bouncer licked his lips. ¡°And you said it was made by a Combat Baker?¡± he asked. ¡°Oh yeah. I happened to know the signature chef of the E¡¯teary restaurant in lower Kaseihgaeu. One of the most ¡®food based¡¯ dining establishments in the entire City.¡± ¡°The E¡¯teary. I¡¯ve heard of that place.¡± Ash stumbled. ¡°You have? I mean of course you have. It¡¯s great! Ah dang. Look at me here, talking to you about all of this lovely yogurt that I can¡¯t possibly eat by myself. I would hate to drag it all the way back down the hill. It might spoil. All that protein would go to waste.¡± ¡°No. Can¡¯t have that.¡± The Tattooed Bouncer nodded. ¡°What to do? What to do?¡± Ash tapped the spoon against his chin. ¡°You know¡­ I might have an idea.¡± Pull 76 Preregistration ¡°This place is huge. Find the reception table. Hurry!¡± Ash, Luke, and Vance sprinted through the gaming floor of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Ash looked over. ¡°By the way Vance, you¡¯re sure that there will be a dropout for the tournament that will open up a space.¡± ¡°Of course I¡¯m sure. There¡¯s always someone who doesn¡¯t show up in time for the event¡¯s registration. Once Luke signs up he can take their spot.¡± ¡°How can you be so sure?¡± Vance winked. ¡°You can thank my good friend Expauldio Larkpenny.¡± ¡°And you don¡¯t have any problems assisting us with our plan? Or any concerns about our talking dog?¡± ¡°Not at all! Your plan fits in perfectly with mine. You guys want to cheat the tournament. I couldn¡¯t care less. I¡¯m after that.¡± Vance pointed to one of the banners waving under the ceiling. The banner had a picture of a smiling cartoon dolphin giving a thumbs up next to an illustration of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty building. ¡°You want¡­ a dolphin?¡± Luke asked. ¡°No, I don''t want a dolphin. I want the banner.¡± said Vance. ¡°You want the banner of a dolphin?¡± Luke asked. ¡°Not the banner. Or at least not the banner as a physical object.¡± Vance clapped his hands together. ¡°I want the concept of the banner. The event itself. The whole Hundred Aught Hundred Ought contest. I want its prestige. I want its fame. I want its decadence. And I want to drag it all through the dirt.¡± Ash nodded. ¡°No second thoughts from me. I¡¯m one hundred percent on board with your spiteful excursions.¡± Ash put a hand on Vance¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ve never felt this close, philosophically speaking, to anyone in my life ever before. Now let¡¯s go make a mess out of this tournament.¡± Eins crawled up on top of Luke¡¯s head. ¡°I can see the registration table. It¡¯s over there. They¡¯re packing up. Hurry, hurry, hurry!¡± The dog kneaded Luke¡¯s hair. Luke followed Eins¡¯ directions. ¡°Okay. I¡¯m heading over to registration. What are the two of you going to be doing?¡± Ash looked over the crowd. ¡°I¡¯m going to meet up with Ave and Tasha. They left earlier this morning. They said they would meet us here in the Gambling Hall.¡± Vance smoothed back his hair. ¡°I¡¯m going to scout out the other competitors for the tournament. I¡¯ll get some intel and- Hold on. I see Privati dragging a kite up to the roof access. Nevermind. I¡¯ll see you two later.¡± Vance ran off into the crowd. ¡°Who was dragging a what?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No time for that now. I¡¯m off to join the tournament.¡± Luke ran off in the opposite direction. ¡°Luke!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°What?¡± Luke turned. ¡°Dog!¡± ¡°Oh yeah!¡± Luke plucked Eins down off of his head and then softball tossed the dog into Ash¡¯s outstretched arms. # Allie looked up from the check-in table. ¡°Yes. Hello. Can I help you?¡± Luke adjusted his overcoat. ¡°Yes. Thank you. I¡¯m here to register for the tournament.¡± He smiled a big smile. Allie frowned behind her glasses. ¡°I have bad news for you. The tournament registration is already over.¡± She shuffled some papers. ¡°It is, after all, the most popular event in Kaseihgaeu. People come from all over the Kingdom to participate. I can¡¯t help you now. You really should have gotten here two weeks ago for pre-registration. Or even one week ago for regular registration.¡± ¡°Right. I understand that. I¡¯m here for after-registration.¡± Luke bounced on his toes. ¡°You¡¯re here for what?¡± ¡°The registration that happens after registration.¡± ¡°That¡­ doesn¡¯t happen. Registration is over.¡± Luke kept smiling his big smile. ¡°Normal registration is, but you still have spots open since not everyone makes it on time to register. So I¡¯m here to fill one of those spots. And that¡¯s why I¡¯m here. I¡¯m registering for the after-registration after registration.¡± Allie blinked. ¡°What, but we don¡¯t¡­¡± If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°But you do still have spots open in the tournament.¡± Allie shuffled some papers. ¡°Uh¡­ maybe.¡± ¡°Normally Lady House would pick someone to fill those spots but if I after-register right now I can grab one of the openings and enter the tournament. Isn¡¯t that right?¡± ¡°Who told you this?¡± ¡°I know a guy. He¡¯s a co-conspirator, I mean a coworker, I mean a friend.¡± Luke smiled too big a smile. Allie fidgeted with one of the charms on her bracelet. ¡°I don¡¯t know. It would save a lot of paperwork.¡± Allie looked down at her check in sheet. Luke kept smiling. The sound of spinning wheels and rolling dice filled the game floor all around them. Allie shrugged her shoulders. ¡°Fine. What¡¯s your name?¡± Luke clapped his hands. ¡°Luke.¡± ¡°Family name?¡± Allie asked. ¡°Eaup¨¦ril. There you are.¡± Lady House announced. The blood drained out of Luke¡¯s legs, lungs, and face. He slowly turned his head. ¡°A pleasure to see you again Madame House.¡± said Mr Eaup¨¦ril. Luke¡¯s father bowed politely to Lady House as the two of them met on the game floor three meters behind where Luke was standing at the registration table. ¡°I am so looking forward to this convention. You have excellent taste when it comes to selecting orateurs.¡± Mr Eaup¨¦ril chuckled to himself. Lady House nodded. ¡°I only select the best. From your reputation alone I am sure that your conventions will be a very entertaining addition to the tournament.¡± ¡°Speaking of tournaments. You did not tell me that my son was one of the participants.¡± Mr Eaup¨¦ril glanced over to the table where Luke was frozen in shock. ¡°Your son? Is that right.¡± Lady House turned. Her gaze swept over Luke like a wave of ice and menthol. ¡°That''s right. You may not be aware but my son is one of the most special boys in the kingdom. He is the-¡± *Caaawww!* The falcon perched on the man''s shoulder let out a sudden screech. ¡°He is the-¡± *Ka-Caw!* Mr Eaup¨¦ril quickly moved a hand up to pet the bird. ¡°Like I was saying-¡± *Caw*Caw*Caw*CAw*Caw*CaW* Mr Eaup¨¦ril waved a hand. ¡°You will have to forgive my faucon. My bird. He is not used to the noise of your Gambling Hall. I have put on his padded capot to reduce the noise. But still, he is a sensitive bird. Isn¡¯t that right my pr¨¦cieux.¡± He stroked the falcon¡¯s chest feathers. ¡°I should go and get to the convention hall before my sweet one becomes too excited. Luke, once you are done signing up for the tournament come join me in the convention hall. You can help your father prepare for the presentation.¡± ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± Luke nodded with whatever blood was left in his neck. ¡°Au reviour.¡± Mr Eaup¨¦ril strode confidently across the floor of the game room and disappeared around the corner. Lady house watched the man walk away out of the corner of her eye. Then she turned and made a few elegant strides over to where Luke was standing. She moved to the side of the check in desk and glanced at the sheet of paper that Allie was holding. "You are a very late arrival aren''t you." Lady House said. "That''s me." Luke made an awkward bow. "There are only two kinds of people that try to enter a contest at the last minute: those who are very lazy and those who are attempting a scam. Which would you say you are?" Luke¡¯s skin wanted to sweat but there wasn''t enough blood flowing to his integumentary system to make that happen. "I *Cough* would say that I am, uh... " Luke pulled at the collar of his overcoat. "Can I ask you a lesson, er, I mean ask you a question?" Lady House paused. Her corner of her mouth tilted ever so slightly. "Go ahead." "You seem like an intelligent and ruthless woman. Also you''re probably the richest person in the entire Kingdom. You have so much power and I have none." Lady House''s face was a mask. "If you found out that the Kingdom was in danger, like real danger, what would you do to protect it? Would it be acceptable to commit a crime if that would make it easier for you to save the Kingdom?" Luke rambled on. Lady House put on a calculating smile. "Save the entire Kingdom? Is this a hypothetical question?" Luke winced. "Ahhh... It should be shouldn''t it. That''s the way it usually is right? But suppose it wasn''t. If it was real, right now, if the Kingdom was in danger would you do the wrong thing to do the right thing? Uh, I mean would you do something possibly illegal if it meant that you would have a better chance to save the world?" Lady House looked amused. "In my experience something that is illegal is not the same as something that is immoral." "Yeah but breaking the law is always immoral right? Would you do anything it took to protect the entire Kingdom if it meant that you might, maybe, hurt someone else in the process?" "Who?" Lady House tapped a single manicured nail "That''s the thing, I don''t know, someone I''m sure. If you win but someone else loses then you''ve only helped yourself. And the other person..." Luke avoided making eye contact. "They''ve been harmed. Even if they might not notice it because they already have so much. How do you know if what you''re doing is the right thing?" Lady Winsome House curled a knuckle under her chin. She played with one of her skull earrings. The list of entrants in the tournament was sitting on the table. Using a fingernail she drew a line down the list until she reached the bottom. She tapped the final name a few times. ¡°In the scenario you describe, hypothetical let''s say, it''s better to do something even if it is immoral than to wait and do nothing. If you try and fail then people will suffer. But if you do nothing at all, people will suffer still. So the only option left is to play. And win.¡± Lady House picked up an envelope. ¡°It may sound artful for the owner of a gambling hall to endorse taking a huge risk but¡­¡± She walked around to the front of the table. ¡°It''s better to do something, anything, than wallow in self doubt. After all you can always justify your actions however you want after you win. Here." She handed a thick envelope to Luke. "Let me personally welcome you to the most extravagant and momentous event in the Four Kingdoms." Luke looked down at the invitation in his hand. "Thanks." Allie hesitated. ¡°Uhh¡­ for the family name should I put down¡­?¡± ¡°Leave it blank for now.¡± Lady House flipped the check-in sheet over on the table. ¡°Now let¡¯s go meet with your father in the auditorium.¡± Pull 77 Meeting Floor ¡°How¡¯s it going?¡± Ave asked. ¡°Good. Luke is getting registered for the tournament right now. How are things going on your end?¡± Ash said. Ash, Ave, and Tasha crouched down behind a banquet table in one of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty¡¯s luxurious game rooms. Ave was wearing a dark pair of slacks and a jacket with sharp creases along the seams. Tasha was dressed in a sequined top and a long slitted skirt designed to look like a fish¡¯s tail. Ave shifted her shoulders. ¡°I¡¯ve been downstairs in the service tunnels getting ready for our plan. It¡¯s like a maze down there but we should be able to use them to escape.¡± Tasha smoothed out her fish dress. ¡°I¡¯ve been mingling with the other servers. Apparently the Councilor brought his niece along with him on this trip. Not only that, but she¡¯s joined the Hundred Ought Hundred Aught event as well.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good news for us. If his niece is participating then we should have time to sneak in while he¡¯s watching the tournament and grab the case without him noticing.¡± Ave said. *Slup*Slurp*Slooop* ¡°Eins no! Get out of that cheese fountain.¡± Ave reached up and pulled Eins away from one of the molten cheese dispensers on the table. The dog thrashed in her arms, bits of sticky yellow cheese stuck to its chin. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I couldn¡¯t help it. This cheese is the perfect temperature.¡± Eins whined. Ave wiped grease off of Eins¡¯ face. ¡°Where is that guy that you said might help us?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°Ah, he ran off somewhere. I¡¯m going to go try to find him and then meet back up with Luke.¡± Ash peeked over the banquet table. ¡°What about the two of you?¡± Tasha pointed. ¡°You see that woman with the pink hair?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°That¡¯s Angel. She¡¯s the head of security for the Gambling Hall. We¡¯re going to tail her and see if we can figure out her patrol patterns. We don¡¯t want to run into any security during our escape.¡± "Has she noticed you?" Ash crouched lower behind the table. Ave smirked. "Not at all. Do you want to come with us and help?¡± Ash looked at Angel and winced. ¡°Probably better if I don¡¯t. But it¡¯s fine. I¡¯m going to try and find Va-¡± ¡°What are you kids doing?¡± ¡°Ahhh!¡± Ash yelled in surprise. The three of them turned to see Cophin leaning over the banquet table and staring at them. ¡°Cophin, Chef, what are you doing here?¡± Ash asked. ¡°We told ya that we had an event to attend today.¡± ¡°That was here?¡± Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. ¡°That was here. Imagine my surprise when I arrive and see a little white dog shoving its muzzle into tha cheese fountain. What are tha lot of you doing? Why are you dressed like that? Is this where you have been running off ta in the early morning all this week?¡± ¡°Those are all good questions but I have to check on somebody. I will see you back at the restaurant this evening, Cophin, Chef.¡± Ash stood up far too quickly and his shoulder bumped into the table. (Warning, Table legs at 99¡ã) ¡°Ash hold on! Let me get out of the way¡± Ave stood up much too quickly and her hip bumped into the table. (Danger, Table legs at 116¡ã) ¡°Ave look out!¡± Tasha stood up way too quickly and the mermaid tail of her costume snagged on the table¡¯s leg. The table hung at (Critical, 135¡ã) degrees for a second before all of the dishes on top slid to the side and pulled the entire spread to the ground. A small orb bounced off of Tasha¡¯s sequined tail. ¡°Ahh! What tha!¡± Cophin dodged out of the way of the *Clatter* of plates and dishes as they rained onto the floor. The cheese fountain tilted. Cophin produced a knife from somewhere and hooked it under the cheese fountain right before it tipped over. Using a second knife like a set of tongs he gripped the base of the device and set it down carefully on the floor beside the table. ¡°Gotta go.¡± Ash sprinted off away from the mess. By the time Cophin looked back up Ash, Tasha, Ave, and Eins had disappeared. ¡°Damn crotch goblins, don¡¯t know why we put up with em.¡± Cophin sheathed his knives and sucked air in through his teeth. ¡°Excuse me sir, is there a problem here?¡± A Belt Buckle Bouncer stepped up and took an open legged stance. ¡°No. No problem here.¡± Cophin looked back over his shoulder at the Bouncer. He didn¡¯t say anything else. He also didn¡¯t fully turn around. The Belt Buckle Bouncer looked down at the knocked over table and the mess all over the floor. ¡°What happened here?¡± Cophin eyed the table. ¡°Tha table fell over.¡± Cophin still didn¡¯t turn around. ¡°And that mess on the floor?¡± Cophin waved a hand. ¡°When tha table tipped, everything on top tipped too. That¡¯s kind of how tables work.¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer adjusted her belt. ¡°I think you should come with me sir-¡± ¡°Cophin. There you are.¡± Lux walked in between the two of them. ¡°You should not have wandered off like that. We are going to be late for the presentation. Come along. Plinth is already waiting for us in the convention hall.¡± ¡°Excuse me sir. This man is-¡± Lux turned around and faced the Belt Buckle Bouncer. The security guard looked Lux up and down. ¡°Uh¡­ Are you, are you the Chef of the Galaxy Lip?¡± ¡°That is correct.¡± Lux replied. ¡°The most famous restaurant in town?¡± Lux politely nodded. ¡°Our establishment is very popular.¡± ¡°And do you know this man?¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer pointed at Cophin. ¡°He is one of my old friends. We are both here today to attend the convention being hosted by Lady House. I would be most vexed by anyone attempting to blame him for odd occurrences without sufficient evidence.¡± *Silent Contemplation* ¡°You are free to go sir. Enjoy your time at the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± The Bouncer gave a polite smile. ¡°Thank you.¡± said Lux. ¡°Are you saying that I wasn¡¯t free ta go before?¡± Cophin angled his chin towards the Bouncer. ¡°You are¡­ free to be on your way sir.¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer hissed through her teeth. ¡°Oh well, as long as we have your permission.¡± Cophin threw his hands up in the air. ¡°Come on Lux. Let¡¯s go. While we¡¯re still free ta do so.¡± ¡°Yes. I am very excited for this convention.¡± Lux smiled and walked away. Cophin leaned over and grabbed a handful of crackers off of the floor. He shoved a few of them in his mouth, frowned, then wandered off to the convention hall. Pull 78 Meeting Roof ¡°You¡¯re never going to be able to fly with that.¡± ¡°What would you know?¡± ¡°I know that capes don¡¯t let people fly!¡± shouted Vance. ¡°That¡¯s why I made it really big!¡± Privati shouted back. Vance and Privati were standing on the edge of the roof of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. Meanwhile Ash and Eins were crouched down, peeking through a half open door of the access stairwell. ¡°What is she wearing?¡± asked Ash. Eins narrowed its doggy eyes. ¡°It looks like a really big cape.¡± ¡°Yeah but look and see how she¡¯s tied off the ends to her wrists and ankles. Also there¡¯s way too much material for only a cape. It¡¯s clumped up by her feet. That isn¡¯t normal.¡± Eins licked its nose. ¡°It¡¯s not?¡± ¡°No. Haven¡¯t you ever seen someone wearing a cape before?¡± ¡°Of course I have. Lots of times. But I¡¯ve never been able to judge the limits of human fashion before. Humans are always putting new things on their bodies. They¡¯re always trying to make themselves look more attractive. Is this not one of those times?¡± ¡°No. This is something else. No one would wear that kind of thing for fashion.¡± # ¡°If you jump off the roof wearing that cape you will break your neck.¡± said Vance. ¡°I thought that would make you happy Vance. You would finally be rid of me.¡± said Privati. ¡°I¡¯m only trying to think of the poor bellhop that¡¯s going to have to shovel your flesh pancake off of the pavement out in front of the entrance. And what about your shoes? Do you know how hard it will be to find enough self absorbed women to unload your multiple closets full of stupid platform heels?¡± ¡°What are you talking about Vance? When I die I¡¯m leaving all of my shoes for you. After all, once you¡¯re wearing my heels you can spend all day doing the one thing you love most, looking down on everyone else.¡± # ¡°Excuse me. Can you tell me why you¡¯re crouched down inside a stairwell in my Gambling Hall?¡± Ash and Eins turned around. Lady House was standing behind them in the stairwell. Ash pushed out his chin. ¡°Excuse me. Can¡¯t you see that me and my dog are trying to spy on someone in private.¡± Eins put a paw over one of its eyes. ¡°Do you know who I-¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah, you¡¯re House, the owner of this gambling house. I know who you are. I¡¯m not an idiot.¡± ¡°Not for lack of trying apparently. If you¡¯re going to be so trenchant maybe you¡¯re looking for a personal escort out of my Gambling hall.¡± Lady House crossed her arms. ¡°I¡¯ve already seen you trash chute. But I think your niece is about to jump off of the roof.¡± Ash pointed to the door. ¡°What?¡± # ¡°Also why are you using cotton for the cape?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Vance patted his chest. "Your cape is made out of the same material as my blouse. The whole point of cotton is its breathability. How are you supposed to fly through the air with such a permeable fabric?" Privati spread her arms. The giant cape attached to her wrists and ankles fluttered behind her. "This is the best option I have so far. The tests that I already performed with canvas capes were... disappointing." "Is that why Allie isn''t talking to you?" "It is not unrelated..." "What about a lighter material? Like nylon?" asked Vance. "Where am I going to get that much nylon?" asked Privati. "You could get the artificers to summon some for you. A lot of them have alchemical backgrounds." "That''s true." Privati tapped a heel. "But I need to limit my exposure to the artificing areas of the gambling hall for a little while. At least until¡­" She glanced at Vance. "Forget I said anything. I can''t get that much nylon on my own." "What about silk?" Vance flicked the edge of Privati''s huge cape. Privati pinched her nose. "By the moons I hate silk. Every seamstress wants to add a million different embellishments. They''re always trying to sell me wedding dresses or ball gowns. Can you imagine?" Vance shrugged. Privati twisted the fabric of the cape in her hands. "You have no idea how hard it is to find a discreet seamstress willing to sew a bedsheet sized cloth in the shape of a swan." # "All I''m saying is that you don''t need to be here." Ash propped a foot up on the side of the stairwell. He checked the laces of his boot. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. "This is my Gambling Hall." said Lady House. "Yeah. You own it. But there''s no need for you to oversee operations. Don''t you have like, all the money in the Kingdom?" "It''s not that simple. Wealth is not entirely defined by liquid assets. I have a number of investments and bonds designed to diversify my holdings." said Lady House. "Yeah, but you could buy anything you wanted right? Anything at all?" Lady House put a finger delicately against her chin. "It would be possible." Eins scratched behind one ear with a back leg. Ash reached down and picked the dog up. He took a quick peek through the stairwell door. Vance and Privati were still talking at the edge of the roof. Ash scratched Eins'' ears. "So use that. I don''t think you have to deal with any problems you don''t want to. Not with your wealth. If I had your money I would never do anything for myself. I would snap my fingers and just tell people to do whatever I wanted. That would be great. Why not just pay your niece to give up her dream of jumping off of a building? Why not pay Vance to leave town and never come back?" Lady House scoffed. "You really are such a petulant child. It''s not that simple. Some people have greater concerns than simply money. They can''t be bought off so easily." "Are you sure? Have you tried?" The corner of one of Lady House''s eyebrows twitched. Ash tilted his head. "Interesting. I think you have. And I don''t think you like the answers you got when you did." Eins crawled up onto Ash''s shoulder. the dog whispered. "Is your dog...?" Lady House looked over at Eins. Ash looked over his shoulder. "Huh? oh no. He''s licking my ears, that''s all." Eins proceeded to actually lick Ash''s ear. *Lick*Lick* "Ha, Ah, No! Hahaha. Eins stop it! Ha ha." Ash wrestled the dog off of his shoulder. "How would you like it if I did it to you?" Ash put his lips over Eins'' left ear and waggled his tongue across the dog''s fur. The look on Lady House''s face was a mixture of confusion and disgust. *Creak* The door leading from the stairwell to the rooftop opened. Privati looked down at Ash and Eins. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Ash spit out Eins¡¯ ear. ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°Who are you? Are you spying on me?¡± Privati narrowed her eyes. ¡°No...¡± Ash said as suspiciously as was possible. ¡°Then why are you crouched down in a stairwell with my aunt?¡± Ash glanced at Lady House. ¡°I was trying to get some money from her. Why are you on a roof wearing a tent around your neck?¡± ¡°That¡¯s none of your business. And what about you Aunt Winsome? Are you spying on me too?¡± Lady House looked bored. ¡°We have an appointment to keep today. I was only-¡± ¡°Are you sending Vance to check on me because you won¡¯t do it yourself? You always let him do whatever he wants. And he¡¯s not even related to you!¡± Privati ground one of her heels into the ground. Vance scoffed. ¡°Please. As if I would take you Aunts money. I have some pride.¡± Privati turned on him. ¡°You have nothing but pride Vance. If we weren¡¯t already on the roof you would be bumping your head into the ceiling.¡± ¡°Careful Privati, keep your mouth open too long and you¡¯re going to attract flies.¡± Vance sassed back. ¡° Aren¡¯t you late for another appointment floating face down in a drainage ditch?¡± ¡°Did you buy your sense of humor the same place you bought those tacky shoes?¡± Ash and Lady House stood off to the side. Ash did his best not to smile. Lady House tapped her nails on the side of her thigh. ¡°Privati-¡± Lady House snapped the end off of her niece¡¯s name. ¡°Yes¡­ Aunty.¡± Privati curled her hands into fists. ¡°It¡¯s a busy time for the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. We have a lot to do. You, have a lot to do. There¡¯s no time for these diversions of yours. Do I make myself clear?¡± ¡°Yes Aunt.¡± ¡°Good. Now come along. We¡¯re going to be late for the Eaup¨¦ril presentation.¡± Lady House composed herself. Ash¡¯s head whipped around. ¡°Wait. Who did you say was presenting?¡± ¡°One of the premiere fashion designers in the Kingdom. Mr Eaup¨¦ril. Have you heard of him?¡± Ash and Eins looked at each other. ¡°No¡­ probably not. Eaup¨¦ril¡­ that¡¯s a common name after all.¡± Lady House raised an eyebrow. ¡°Not really.¡± Ash frowned. ¡°No¡­ you¡¯re right, not really.¡± ¡°By the way, you seem familiar. Have I seen you and Vance together before?¡± asked Lady House. Ash started backing up. ¡°That would be¡­ a strange coincidence. But I should hurry to go find my brother Luke and make sure that he¡¯s okay. If Luke sees his father again it could be very uncomfortable.¡± ¡°I couldn''t agree more.¡± Lady House pushed a strand of hair away from her neck. ¡°I¡¯m sure you have- wait, why did you touch your neck?¡± Ash leaned forward. ¡°What?¡± Lady House paused. ¡°That thing you said- Your whole body language is different- Why aren¡¯t you making eye contact with me right now?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡± Lady House examined her nails. ¡°Oh deer pellets! You know something don¡¯t you? You know who Luke is. Did Luke see his father? Did he meet Mr Eaup¨¦ril?¡± Lady House didn¡¯t reply. Ash leapt into the air. ¡°I¡¯ve got to get back down to the lobby!¡± There was a *Pop* of magic that tasted like cinnamon and garlic. *Sploosh* A glob of viscous liquid as large as a laundry hamper hit the top step of the stairwell and then rolled down, coating the stairs in a layer of shiny substance. ¡°What is all of that?¡± Privati asked. Ash ran over to the door. ¡°Mineral oil. And a lot of it. Does anyone have a pender?¡± Lady House took a coin out and flicked it to Ash. Ash caught it in the air. ¡°Thanks. Eins get the bottom bolt if you would.¡± Using the coin Ash levered the door¡¯s top hinge bolt out of place. Eins used a claw to get the bottom bolt. The door fell down to the ground and dangled over the top step of the stairwell. Ash kneeled down on top of the door. ¡°Well I gotta go. Be careful if you try to walk back down these steps, or I don¡¯t know, pay someone to carry you down. Eins! Saddle up!¡± Eins leapt through the air and landed on Ash¡¯s back. The dog hooked its paws around Ash¡¯s neck and held on. ¡°I¡¯m ready!¡± Eins shouted. Lady House glanced to the side. ¡°That dog¡­¡± Ash kicked off the top step. The door tipped over and rocketed down the lubed up spiral staircase beneath it. # *Thump*Thump*Thump*Crash* A door, a dog, and a boy slid into the Lobby of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. ¡°Eins! Double back and find the girls. Tell them that we¡¯ll meet them back at the restaurant. I have to find Luke before something crazy happens.¡± ¡°On it!¡± Eins barrel rolled off of Ash¡¯s shoulder and took off into the game room. The Belt Buckle Bouncer watched Ash skid twenty three meters across the open Lobby of the Gambling Hall. ¡°Hey¡­ what are you¡­¡± ¡°No time to explain! My brother is in severe emotional distress!¡± Pull 79 Follow that Angel ¡°We¡¯re already at maximum capacity dealing with the preliminary matches for the tournament. But now Lady House says that she wants the final banquet timetable accelerated! I¡¯m not sure how much more the kitchens can take. We are reaching critical fondue levels.¡± The Thimbletopped Gourmet waved a ladle over his head. The catering kitchen of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty was larger than most tennis courts but still filled with people constantly serving. A grand variety of butchers, sous chefs, and sauciers ran back and forth in every direction. Angel crossed her arms and shouted over the commotion. ¡°I don''t care what it takes. Lady House gets what she wants. Request more crystals from the artificers if you need to, but make sure that your catering staff is prepared. The Boss wants those banquet tables fully stocked and she always gets what she wants.¡± ¡°But the fondue. It¡¯s only good for a few days. We can¡¯t keep the tables up for much longer.¡± ¡°That is not my problem. You figure it out. Or would you rather walk the carpets with the servers in the high roller rooms?¡± The Thimbletopped Gourmet quivered with rage. ¡°Fine. you want the big banquet! I will fill this hall full of cheese. You remember this when you see how fat the rats in the service tunnels will get.¡± Angel scoffed. ¡°Make it happen.¡± Angel turned suddenly and looked over her shoulder. The kitchen behind her was filled with steam from pots, pans, and prep tables. Was there someone watching her from the other side of the kitchen? # ¡°Oh crap! I think she saw me.¡± Tasha ducked behind an oven. Ave peeked around the corner. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°I¡¯m wearing a bright purple fish tail, I¡¯m pretty sure.¡± ¡°Quick grab one of those food carts.¡± A line of food carts was stationed next to the prep counter in the kitchen. ¡°Which one?¡± Tasha panicked. ¡°Any one. It doesn''t matter. Lets go.¡± Tasha grabbed a food cart. She started pushing it towards the edge of the kitchen. Ave rounded the corner and walked beside her. # Angel shrugged her shoulders. Probably nothing. The woman turned, adjusted the axe on her back, then strolled out of the kitchen and back into the service tunnels. # The Thimbletopped Gourmet mumbled as he made some notes on his kitchen order form. ¡°More supplies¡­ double shifts¡­ extra cheese for the banquet. Hmmm, thinking about cheese, by the dark eye where is my gouda? I had a wheel of it right here.¡± # *Squeak*Squeak* ¡°Where do you think she is going?¡± ¡°It looks like she''s on her way back to the elevators.¡± Ave and Tasha made their way through the underground tunnels beneath the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. The trolley that Tasha was pushing rattled noisily as the wheels rolled over the stone floor. *Squeak*Squeak* ¡°Keep walking. Act normal. We''ve done nothing wrong.¡± Tasha said. ¡°I''m fine. I''m walking normally. Are you nervous?¡± asked Ave. ¡°No. Not at all.¡± Tasha wiped sweat away from her eyes. ¡°Look up there. I can see Angel getting on one of the elevators. If we hurry we can-¡± The lid of one of the food trays rattled. Tasha stopped in her tracks. Ave and Tasha looked at each other. They looked at the tray. With a trembling hand Tasha reached over and lifted up the lid. Eins rolled over on a bed of lettuce. One half of a baked potato was stuffed in the dog¡¯s cheeks while it chewed on the other half held in its paws. Crumbs of gouda and leftover shrimp tails decorated the rest of the cart. Eins looked up and gulped. ¡°Oh? There you are.¡± ¡°Eins what are you doing down here?¡± Ave asked. ¡°And why are you covered in sour cream?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°I was sent down here to find you two.¡± said Eins. ¡°Then why were you hiding in a food cart?¡± ¡°I got distracted.¡± Eins whined. *Ding*Ding* Ave looked up. ¡°Fudge chuckles, we missed the elevator.¡± ¡°Oh well. Too bad. Should we head home now?¡± Eins stretched its little wings. Ave watched the floor counter on the elevator tick down. ¡°We¡¯re not leaving yet. It looks like she¡¯s heading down to the pool area.¡± said Ave.Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. ¡°The swimming pool?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°No, the vehicle pool. How did you know there was a swimming pool down here?¡± Ave asked. *Ding*Ding* ¡°Look! There¡¯s another elevator we can take.¡± Tasha pointed. Another server turned around the corner and paused. The server looked over at Ave and Tasha crouched down next to a food cart with a dog sitting on a platter in the middle. Tasha nudged Ave. ¡°Let''s all hurry and get on the elevator.¡± # *Ding*Ding* Ave, Tasha, and Eins stepped off the elevator into the motor pool area under the Gambling Hall. Three servers heading the other way waved at the group as they stepped onto the now vacant elevator. Ave waved back. Tasha kept her head down and pushed the trolley. Ave walked behind the carriages. She peeked between the vehicles at regular intervals. Tasha¡¯s head swiveled around as she looked at all of the parked carriages. ¡°Oh wow, look at these. Are these from the Capital?¡± Ave glanced over. ¡°Some of them are. There¡¯s a few personal cabs for the Captens. Those five wheeled carriages are troop transports and the seven wheeled ones are for supplies.¡± Tasha pointed at a giant metal monstrosity. ¡°And what about that one?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ a special type. My friend Platina brought that with her. Some kind of prototype.¡± ¡°What''s that giant metal spike on the front?¡± ¡°I don''t know. I think they use it for hunting leviathans or something.¡± Tasha¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°Oooh that''s really interesting. I''ve never been to the coast. Do you think that your friend has any of the documentation that these things came with? I would love to add it to my compendium.¡± *Grumble* ¡°Oooh.¡± Eins rolled on its side on the cart. Ave leaned back. ¡°What¡¯s wrong Eins?¡± ¡°My tummy hurts.¡± Ave rolled a crumb between her fingers. ¡°For like the thirtieth time Eins, please stop eating so much cheese. Or at least stop eating it so quickly. Aged gouda is thicker than regular. And then you ate a bunch of potatoes on top of that.¡± She rubbed the dog around the midsection. ¡°I think that you doubled your weight.¡± *Clink*Clang* Tasha¡¯s purple fishtail shook back and forth as the young woman crawled under a nearby carriage. Ave frowned. ¡°Tasha what are you doing?¡± ¡°Hold on. I want to check under the chassis real quick.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t have time for that right now.¡± Ave hoisted Eins over her shoulder. She scanned the room. ¡°Over there. I can see Angel on the other side of the room.¡± ¡°She¡¯s talking to someone. Some kind of dour auxiliary¡­ Look! They¡¯re heading towards the exit.¡± Eins looked over her shoulder. ¡°Then there¡¯s no time to lose. Let¡¯s get out of here and-¡± ¡°There you are Eins! And you brought your foolish human with you!¡± >>>??????<<< The bulky form of Zestal appeared on the top of a nearby carriage. There was the rasping sound of keratin on metal as the cat¡¯s claws scraped over the roof of the vehicle. *Scritch*Scratch* The shadow of the hulking feline fell over the group like a dark cloud. Eins lowered its ears. ¡°Zestal. How, how are you? This isn''t what it looks like. We were only visiting today. In fact, we were just on our way out. Isn¡¯t that right ladies?¡± Zestal jumped down in between the carriages with a *Thud*. The cat¡¯s scaly tail swished back and forth behind it, menacingly. The spirit seemed even bigger than before. There was no way to move past. (I really should have warned Ave about the cat.) Tasha thought. (I really should have warned Tasha about the cat.) Ave thought. ¡°You¡¯re not making this very fun for me Eins. I know every corner of this building. There is nowhere you can hide from me. I was expecting more. I was expecting a chase. Maybe¡­ I should eat one of your little humans right now? That would certainly put some spark in this game. Meow meow meow¡­¡± The cat laughed to itself. ¡°Zestal, no¡­¡± Eins shivered. Ave stood up on her tiptoes and craned her neck to catch a glimpse of Angel leaving the motor pool area. ¡°We do not have time for this.¡± Ave grumbled. Ave crouched down on the balls of her feet. With a sudden spring she leapt forward onto Zestal¡¯s back. ¡°Ah! What! Get off of me!¡± Zestal thrashed. Ave curled an arm around the cat¡¯s prodigious neck. With her free hand she started scritching Zestal¡¯s chin. ¡°Quiet now. You need to stop being such a little cranky paws. Are you hungry?¡± Ave said. ¡°Ah yes! Hungry for your human bones! *Purrr* Release me!¡± Zestal tried desperately to claw at the human latched onto the back of its neck. But cat anatomy was not accommodating and Ave held on. ¡°Tasha! Grab some food from the cart!¡± Ave yelled. Tasha snatched a dish off of the food cart. She pulled off the lid revealing a roasted pig¡¯s leg. Grabbing the pig¡¯s hoof she underhand tossed it into Ave¡¯s waiting hand. Ave caught the roast pork and dangled it in front of Zestal¡¯s nose. ¡°Does kitty want some munchies?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you patronize me!¡± Zestal shouted. Even so the cat¡¯s eyes followed the ham hock as it swung back and forth in front of its nose. With a reluctant grunt Zestal lurched forward and started nibbling on the side of the roast. ¡°There we go. Good kitty.¡± Ave said. She reached down and started rubbing Zestal¡¯s pudgy belly. The cat rolled over on its side. *Purrr* Tasha pulled another tray off of the cart. ¡°Maybe some cantaloupe bread as well?¡± She waved the tray in an appealing manner. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ I don¡¯t see why not.¡± The cat said with its cheeks full of ham. Tasha tilted the plate into Zestal¡¯s mouth. The cat¡¯s serrated fangs parted like the teeth of a zipper and latched onto the bread without releasing the ham. Ave kept petting. ¡°That¡¯s better isn¡¯t it. Maybe you won¡¯t be so angry when you¡¯re full.¡± ¡°This is *Chew* very demeaning. *Crunch* I¡¯m in charge of the facility¡¯s security.¡± said Zestal. Eins patted Zestal¡¯s cheek. ¡°And you¡¯re doing a great job. You¡¯ve already scared us into leaving. Care for some gravy?¡± ¡°Only a little.¡± Eins scooted a gravy boat in front of Zestal¡¯s nose. The cat¡¯s tongue licked out and started lapping gravy directly into its mouth. *Slurp*Slurp*Slurp* ¡°How about this? We leave the rest of this food here and then we leave and promise not to bother you again? How does that sound?¡± Ave offered. ¡°I suppose I can *Munch* eat you anytime. Do whatever you want.¡± Zestal waved a paw dismissively. ¡°Great.¡± Ave and Tasha shoved the remaining trays from the cart onto the ground. Zestal took its time daintily devouring the dishes. Ave and Tasha squeezed past the cat and started jogging towards the room¡¯s exit. ¡°It was nice to see you again Zestal.¡± Eins said. ¡°This isn¡¯t over Eins. You haven¡¯t won. Not yet. You¡¯ll never win.¡± Zestal grumbled. ¡°You might be right Zestal, but I don¡¯t think I want to win. I don¡¯t think it matters to me. Not like it does to you.¡± ¡°Then you¡¯re a fool Eins. Winning is all that matters.¡± ¡°Maybe you¡¯re right. I am a fool. But I spent so long being afraid that right now, being a little foolish feels good.¡± ¡°...¡± ¡°I¡¯ll see you later Zestal.¡± Eins hopped up and ran to join Ave and Tasha. Zestal spit up a bone and let out a loud *BELCH*. ¡°I¡¯ll get you next time Eins. You and your little humans too.¡± Pull 80 Bake "And don''t get me started on the hair. It gets everywhere. I mean everywhere. The worst part is that her ladyship lets the cat get up on the furniture all of the time. So when she sheds it gets on all of the pillows. It gets down in between the cushions. Look at my uniform, look at it. Do you have any idea how many times a day I have to scrape it for lint and loose hair? Too many." Angel brushed her sharp shoulders out of habit. "Too many.¡± Nevre nodded solemnly. ¡°And if that cat wasn¡¯t bad enough I¡¯ve been finding other creatures wandering around the grounds recently. There¡¯s dog hair in the fondue fountains. Someone crashed a giant bird statue into the side of a building down by the market. The other day I swear that I saw a llama prowling the rooftops of the main hall.¡± ¡°A llama?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right! It was staring into the windows of the high rollers lounge. I swear it was watching me. Judging me. How dare it!¡± ¡°I see.¡± ¡°There are a lot of... unconstrained animals in the Capital these days.¡± Angel scanned the street with her eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°Mmhmm.¡± Angel glanced at the man walking next to her. ¡°You don''t say a lot do you Nevre?¡± she said. ¡°Not really.¡± said Nevre. ¡°And what is going on with your uniform? There¡¯s no badge on your breastplate. Did it fall off? Did it get stolen? Don¡¯t you need that to display your rank?¡± Angel ran a finger over the divot on the breastplate. ¡°I don¡¯t have one.¡± Nevre slouched. ¡°What? A badge?¡± ¡°No. A rank.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± Angel frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t deserve one.¡± Nevre shrugged. ¡°Argh, this is terrible.¡± Angel gripped her stomach. ¡°I am so hungry. Let¡¯s stop and get something. I think there¡¯s a bakery right around the corner.¡± ¡°I thought that we were on our way to get lunch?¡± Nevre asked. ¡°I¡¯m not going to make it. I need something now!¡± Angel said. ¡°Plus I think we need to get you out of the sun. You spend a lot of time in doors don¡¯t you Nevre.¡± ¡°I suppose.¡± Beads of sweat were building on Nevre¡¯s pale face. ¡°We had better get you some sun protector as well.¡± # Tasha and Ave poked their heads around a corner. ¡°That¡¯s good advice.¡± Tasha said. ¡°People that have indoor jobs forget to take care of their skin all the time.¡± The two of them continued their observation. # *Ring-Ding* The Bakery door swung open hitting a small bell that was hanging above the entrance. The Panicked Trumpeter looked up over the counter of the shop. ¡°Ah yes. Please come in. I will be with you in only a moment.¡± Angel and Nevre strolled into the Bakery. Angel leaned over to look in the glass display cases on top of the counter. Nevre leaned against a wooden stool but didn¡¯t sit down. The Panicked Trumpeter crouched down behind the counter and opened a metal warming tray. ¡°Come on. Why aren¡¯t you proving? Rise damn it. Rise already!¡± The Panicked Trumpeter hissed at the lump of dough in the tray. (Meanwhile unbeknownst to the Panicked Trumpeter millions of yeast cells were, on a microscopic level, encountering far too much salt in the environment around them. They had collectively decided to protest their working conditions by not doing their job and refused to produce any carbon dioxide.) The Panicked Trumpeter put an elbow up on the counter. ¡°Yes, anyway, how can I help you?¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong with all of your bread?¡± Angel *Tapped* a finger against the glass display case. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you mean.¡± ¡°The crust of this scone is so soggy I could wash dishes with it.¡± Angel pointed at a scone. ¡°Those are our extra moist scones.¡± ¡°Do they have extra butter?¡± ¡°They have extra moistness.¡± ¡°Your cinnamon rolls are as dark as brownies and your macaroons have holes in the middle like doughnuts.¡± ¡°That¡¯s our line of healthy snack options.¡± ¡°How are these healthy?¡± Angel raised an eyebrow. ¡°Cinnamon is a digestive aid. So more cinnamon promotes more digestion.¡± ¡°And the macaroons?¡± ¡°We put a hole in the middle so there is less filling, meaning less fat.¡± Angel pointed to a sign. ¡°You¡¯re selling them two for one.¡± ¡°Exactly! You can eat twice as many.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter clapped their hands. ¡°And what¡¯s that?¡± ¡°That¡¯s mostly-banana bread.¡± ¡°Mostly?¡± ¡°Yes. There is some kiwi in the mix, but that was a completely intentional decision and not because I ran out of bananas. Twice the types of fruit makes it twice as healthy.¡±Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. ¡°Are you an Alchemist? Because you¡¯re making a lot of health claims for a baker.¡± ¡°I¡¯m actually a musician.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter smiled. ¡°Well then why don¡¯t you change your tune and get me some regular bread.¡± ¡°What kind?¡± Angel threw up her hands. ¡°I don¡¯t care! Anything that isn¡¯t deep fried or filled with spices. And hurry it up. We¡¯re trying to make it to lunch.¡± ¡°Sure, uh, let me see what we have in the back.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter left the counter and walked through a door into the back of the Bakery. Angel turned around in the foyer. ¡°Nevre!¡± she shouted. ¡°Hmmm?¡± Nevre looked over blithely. ¡°Stand up straight for pity¡¯s sake.¡± Angel shook her head. ¡°Are you always crouched down like that?¡± ¡°Sorry. I''ve been working on the carriages all morning.¡± Nevre slowly uncurled his spine. His bones made a sound like pool balls being racked on a felt table. With a final *Crunch* his shoulders snapped into place. At his full height his reddish hair almost touched the top of the doorframe. Angel finally saw how tall he was for the first time. ¡°... that''s more like it.¡± *Ka-Thunk* The Panicked Trumpeter dropped a crate of bread onto the counter. ¡°Here we are. Fresh from the oven. An entire box full of fresh baked baguettes for you to enjoy.¡± The musician smiled and nodded. Angel took a step up to the counter and looked into the bread box. She sniffed. She frowned. ¡°Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke? Did I accidentally walk into a Thaleion?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t understand what you mean.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter itched their shoulder. Angel picked up one of the baguettes. ¡°These things aren¡¯t edible. These baguettes are so stale you could build a house out of them.¡± Angel tapped the long loaf on the counter. *It made a sound very much like a wooden mallet hitting a paving stone.* ¡°That is a gross misrepresentation of our bread. I will kindly ask you to retract your statement and leave our establishment.¡± The Panicked Trumpeter put on a brave face. ¡°I¡¯ll do you one better. I will give your bread a chance to defend itself.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± Angel reached up and grabbed the sides of the box of baguettes. The Panicked Trumpeter grimaced. ¡°They might be a little crispy but I assure you with a little added butter or jam I¡¯m sure that they could be-¡± ¡°Butter or Jam!¡± Angel shouted. ¡°I¡¯ll show you the only thing these crimes against baking are good for.¡± Angel heaved the entire box off of the counter. She turned and kicked open the door to the Bakery. *Ring-Ding* Angel stepped out onto the sidewalk. She upended the box of bread. The baguettes were scattered onto the sidewalk. Tourists and townsfolk crossed to the other side of the street as the bread clattered onto the cobblestones. A group of local children gathered nearby to watch. Tasha and Ave tried to blend in with the crowd. ¡°Look at this travesty!¡± Angel picked up one of the baguettes. ¡°These things are so stale that they¡¯re as hard as rocks.¡± She kicked several bits of bread into the boulevard. ¡°How could you feed this to people? It would be barely acceptable to feed these to rats!¡± Angel picked up a loaf and pitched it across the street. The sturdy bread bounced into a storm drain. The crowd of townsfolk started to move away from Angel¡¯s outburst. The crowd of children on the other hand started to cheer. Angel picked up a baguette and used it to tap on the window of the Bakery. *Clack* *Clack* *Clack* Standing inside the lobby, both the Panicked Trumpeter and Nevre winced with every tap on the glass. ¡°I hope your music is better than your baking¡­¡± Angel tossed the bread into the air. She reached an arm back and pulled the axe off of her back. ¡°Because your bread deserves to be served like a shuttlecock more than it deserves to be served to people.¡± Angel held the axe in two hands next to her shoulder. There was a tingle of magic in the air. As the bread fell back down she brought the axe around in a circle and hammered the flat of the blade into the bread. Her tremendous *Grand Slam* launched the baguette over the roofs of the nearby houses and into the lower stratosphere. The group of children jumped up and started cheering. ¡°Volant!¡± ¡°Volant!¡± ¡°Volant!¡± Angel watched the loaf turn into a twinkle in the distance. She strapped her axe back onto her back. She leaned over, picked up the crate and one of the last loafs, and walked back into the Bakery. She walked up to the counter and dropped the box right in front of the Panicked Trumpeter. The musician blanched. Angel lodged the baguette in between the slats of the wooden crate. A sizzle of electricity ran over Angel¡¯s square shoulders and up the axe strapped to her back. Angel started twisting her arm using the baguette like a prybar. ¡°Uh¡­ what are you¡­¡± the Bakery Boy was visibly confused. Angel continued to twist the loaf of bread. The sides of the bread began to depress. There was the crispity crunch of crumbly crust as cracks cropped up at the corners of the carbohydrate. Angel kept slowly twisting her hand. Tourists in the street stopped to watch the curious display. A group of children pressed their noses against the front window of the Bakery to see what would happen next.. The wooden crate vibrated under stress. The crust of the baguette had compressed as much as it could. Now the bread was starting to put up some resistance. The Panicked Trumpeter tugged at their sleeves. Sweat poured down their forehead. Angel raised a single eyebrow. The blade of the axe strapped to her back gleamed and with a final menacing twist she pushed the baguette against the frame of the box. *Ka-snap* The wooden crate snapped into a pile of splinters while the bread retained its shape. The Tourists whispered amongst themselves. The children laughed and clapped. The Panicked Trumpeter cowered behind the counter. Angel tapped the still intact loaf against the side of the counter. ¡°What a travesty.¡± She pulled a wad of scrip out of her jacket and dropped it on the counter. ¡°I¡¯ll pay for everything in here. So that you can throw it in the trash. Come on Nevre.¡± Angel walked back outside with Nevre following behind her. ¡°Hey Ms Travesty! Throw it!¡± Someone shouted. Angel turned. A child with messy brown curls falling over her shoulders and a metal brace on her right leg stood about three meters away.. The Eager Scholast lifted one end of a baguette she was holding like a racquet and waited for a pitch from Angel. A group of children circled around the Eager Scholast and chanted. ¡°Travesty!¡± ¡°Travesty!¡± Angel smirked. She pitched the last loaf underhanded in a slow arc to the girl. The girl tried to mimic Angel¡¯s movements, swung too hard, tripped, and slammed into the ground. But she hit the bread. There was a *Crack* as the two loaves collided. The pitched baguette sailed down the street. The other children pumped their fists in the air and cheered. ¡°Volant!¡± ¡°Volant!¡± ¡°Volant!¡± One of the other girls helped the Eager Scholast to her feet. The rest of the children grabbed pieces of bread and chased each other down the road throwing chunks of stale bread at each other. # Tasha crouched down by a bench. ¡°This town is nothing but excitement. But did you see that axe?¡± Ave nodded. ¡°I thought it was odd that she would wear it so openly. But now I¡¯m sure. It must be a magic sword. One that gives her some kind of incredible strength. We need to be careful that she doesn¡¯t catch us.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. Eins? What are you doing?¡± Eins chewed on the end of a baguette that had rolled down the street next to them. Eins looked up. ¡°I wanted to see if the bread really was stale.¡± ¡°And?¡± Tasha raised an eyebrow. ¡°She was right. It¡¯s terrible.¡± Eins licked its nose, then went back to chewing on the bread. ¡°Oh crap. Everyone get down!¡± Tasha pulled the others behind the bench. # ¡°Is everything alright Angel?¡± Nevre looked back at her. Angel looked down the street. She shook her head. ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s fine. I thought I saw something. It must have been nothing. Like I said before. There are too many stray animals in this city.¡± Angel started walking. Nevre moved to keep pace. ¡°Come on Nevre, let''s get a manicure. I need to relax.¡± Pull 81 Costumes and Conventions ¡°Mesdames et Messieurs, welcome one and all. I am Chance Eaup¨¦ril, the Gallant Cynosure. I have traveled the length of the Kingdom, all the way from the Capital, to visit you today. To confess, I actually hate traveling. It''s hot and it¡¯s windy. Rain and snow storms can sneak up on you without warning. You get covered with dust from the road, it''s coarse and grainy and it gets everywhere. Traveling across the Kingdom is a huge challenge undertaken only by the most brave and hardy of individuals. But I don''t travel because I enjoy it. I do it for you mes amis. I do it because I have a moral duty that only someone as selfless as I can complete. And today it is my responsibility, Nay! It is my pleasure to showcase for you the finest fashions in the four Kingdoms!¡± Chance Eaup¨¦ril strutted his way down the middle of the Convention Hall stage as the crowd erupted with applause all around him. A silk cape as wide as the stage itself and sewn in seven shades of red billowed behind him. The collar of the cape was starched solid and extended so high that it cut off Chance¡¯s peripheral vision. (Two mermaids working blacksmith bellows kept pace in front of him as he moved.) Chance made his way to the edge of the stage. Two massive arc lamps mounted on the catwalk above illuminated him. The Blue Haired Lady waited a little off to the side of the stage. As Chance made his waves and bows to the crowd she stepped up and moved to his side. ¡°Master Eaup¨¦ril we are so pleased that you could join us today.¡± she said. ¡°And I love being in front of a crowd, Lady Starling!¡± Lady Starling put on a friendly-looking smile. ¡°I know that the seamstress union was excited to attend your show. But unfortunately most of them had trouble getting tickets to your event. It seems like most of the seats were purchased by tourists and third party resellers.¡± Chance made a show of flapping his crimson cape. (¡°Don¡¯t stop blowing.¡±) (The two mermaids wiped sweat from their foreheads as they kept squeezing their bellows.) ¡°You needn¡¯t have any pr¨¦occupations my dear Ms Starling.¡± Chance rambled on. ¡°I have personally brought with me the most exciting collection of haute couture that this city has ever seen. No one will leave here disappointed. They shall spread word of my indelible genius throughout the city. By nightfall everyone will be aware of my indicible clothing line.¡± Lady Starling cracked her knuckles. ¡°We¡¯re all looking forward to a good show. If nothing else.¡± Chance leaned over next to her. ¡°By the way if you¡¯re looking for a better hair dye I can recommend some colors.¡± >:( # ¡°Plinth! Plinth, you have to promise me. If I die, don¡¯t let me be buried in anything that these people would recommend.¡± Plinth, Cophin, and Lux were seated on the outer edge of the convention floor. Tourists filled the seating of the convention hall in every direction. Plinth and Lux were sitting up so that they could get a good view of the stage. Cophin was slouched so far down in his seat he was almost lying on the floor. Down on the stage Chance¡¯s voice boomed out over the audience. ¡°And you will hop with excitement for this next outfit.¡± A woman wearing a set of kangaroo ears, a long felt tail, and an apron with an exaggerated pocket stepped out on stage. The crowd applauded. ¡°What do you think of that one?¡± Plinth asked. Lux watched the people on stage. ¡°The tail would be troublesome for one of our line cooks but I do love the apron. Do you think something like that would work with the Galaxy Lip¡¯s current theme?¡± ¡°Of course. Maybe you could even have the server wear an ¡®asteroid belt¡¯?¡± Plinth smiled. ¡°Ha ha ha. Plinth you always have the best ideas.¡± Lux laughed. ¡°Groan¡­¡± Cophin slouched down even further. Lux glanced over. ¡°Come on Cophin. As restaurateurs it is our responsibility to provide an exceptional experience for our diners. Meaningful and coordinated uniforms are a part of that experience. Don''t you feel better when you see everyone all working together and wearing the same thing? Everyone and everything in blessed conformity.¡± Lux¡¯s hands rubbed together like he was trying to start a fire. ¡°No! I feel disgusted. Tha appearance of a restaurant should be immaterial. The only thing that anyone should care about is how tha food tastes.¡± Cophin squeezed his hand like a claw in front of his face. ¡°I have never seen any reason why the two things should be mutually exclusive. My servers are trained in both customer service and plating. Each of their uniforms are summon-sized by a personal tailor. Quality can only carry you so far Cophin. At a certain point you must engage in self promotion in order to-¡± ¡°I will be cold and in tha grave before I ever let anything other than my cooking speak for me.¡± # ¡°Sit up straight.¡± Champ Letterman said to his son. Jack was hunched over in his seat furiously digging through a messenger bag he had open on the ground. ¡°Hold on. Where is it?¡± Jack jammed his fist into the bottom of the bag. ¡°Jack! We don¡¯t have time for this. Lady House could show up at any moment. I want to make a good impression. To show her that we are men of culture. That means the two of us, sitting quietly in our seats watching whatever is going on down there on the stage.¡± Mayor Letterman hissed out of the side of his mouth. Jack looked up and pointed over the railing of their box seats at the stage of the Convention Hall. ¡°But that¡¯s Chance Eaup¨¦ril! The greatest scofflaw our town has ever known. When are we ever going to get the opportunity to be this close to him? We need to serve him his tax adjustments so we can finally settle all of the accounts that his family owes our town.¡± The Mayor took out a tiny comb and smoothed down the hair on the sides of his head. ¡°Good luck. The last time I tried he floated out of town on a rowboat.¡± ¡°No chance of that this time. We¡¯ve got him right in the middle of a crowd on stage.¡± Jack said. ¡°Hmmm.¡± His father frowned. ¡°Just give me a minute. I¡¯m trying to get the paperwork in order.¡± Jack looked over his shoulder. ¡°Ted! Where are the tax reclamation ascent forms?¡± Ted was seated behind Jack in the convention hall. He shuffled a series of loose papers in his hands. ¡°I don¡¯t think we bought any.¡± Jack *Slammed* his fist down on the elbow rest. ¡°Jumping jellyfish! We need those forms. Mr Eaup¨¦ril reclassified his property as an animal preserve on his yearly tax forms. We need to relabel his record within the next six months or the property will be overrun by racoons and then we¡¯ll never get any money from him.¡±If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Mayor Letterman fiddled with the nutcracker hung around his neck. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± ¡°I am?¡± Jack looked up. ¡°We¡¯re never going to get any money out of him.¡± The Mayor leaned back in his seat. ¡°Not with that attitude we won¡¯t. Ted!¡± Jack shouted. ¡°Yes?¡± Ted looked up. ¡°Find a scrivener! Lady House must have an accounting department. Get copies of those forms for me. I¡¯m going to try and see if I can stall him.¡± ¡°I¡¯m on it!¡± Ted jumped up and ran out of the box seats and down the hallway of the Convention Hall. # ¡°But don¡¯t go anywhere just yet. We¡¯ve got lots more fashions to show you.¡± Chance Eaup¨¦ril made a gesture on stage. The lights of the Convention Hall dimmed slightly. Chance lowered his hands. The audience got quieter. ¡°Folks. I want to be sincere with you. We live in uncertain times. And in these uncertain times. What could be more important¡­ than quality aquarium insurance?¡± Chance wheeled around and pointed into the audience. ¡°You there!¡± ¡°Me?¡± A spotlight focused in on the Impatient Tourist sitting in the front row. ¡°Don''t you hate it when your prized fish suddenly dies and you keep summoning the wrong replacements? So you keep tossing useless fish out the window and now the neighbors are complaining that the local owls are coughing up fishbones?¡± ¡°I do hate that!¡± the Tourist shouted back at the stage. ¡°Everyone does! That''s why the Poisson Mortel fish trainers association is dedicated to making sure that you have the finest and most reliable aquarium insurance in the four kingdoms.¡± Dancers wearing costumes that made them look like smallmouth bass began sweeping down the aisles. Lights swirled around Chance on stage. ¡°You know what they say, Each and every day, If quality is your wish, Then bring us your dead fish.¡± # ¡°I can''t take much more of this. He''s still selling promotions. How can a man with so much confidence have so little backbone.¡± Cophin rolled his eyes. ¡°What incredible fish costumes. And he¡¯s using them as part of the promotion! A wonderful synergy of advertising and artistic expression. This Eaup¨¦ril man is a real genius.¡± Lux clapped with the rest of the audience. Cophin stood up ¡°I need a drink.¡± ¡°I''ll come with you.¡± Plinth got up from his seat. ¡°Lux, do you want anything?¡± ¡°Sparkling water if they have it.¡± ¡°If they don''t I¡¯ll grab a green on the way back.¡± ¡°Thank you Plinth. Look at that! A prawn costume. I should have opened a seafood restaurant. Is it too late to rebrand, I wonder?¡± Lux continued to watch the show. Cophin and Plinth wandered out into the hallways of the convention center. They made their way up to a veranda overlooking the Convention Hall stage. The two of them walked over to a bar counter through a crowd of tourists. Cophin waved a hand at the Veiled Mixologist that was stationed on the other side of the counter. ¡°One low grade sedative please.¡± The bartending alchemist nodded. ¡°Very good sir. Are you aware that consuming alcohol on an empty stomach can reduce your cognitive-¡± ¡°Yes. Yes. I¡¯m aware. I¡¯m a chef. I know tha whole warning.¡± ¡°Very good sir. And do you have a note from your personal alchemist for sedatives?¡± Cophin pointed a thumb over his shoulder at Plinth. ¡°He¡¯s my alchemist.¡± Plinth shrugged. The Veiled Mixologist shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m only doing my job sir.¡± Cophin impatiently *Tap*Tap*Tapped* a finger on the counter. ¡°Flavor?¡± the bartender asked. ¡°No flavor.¡± The bartender wiped a glass. ¡°Are you sure? You only want a plain sedative?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°I should mention that we are out of unflavored alcohol.¡± Cophin pressed his palms flat against the smooth wood of the bar countertop. ¡°Then I guess you can summon some. That is part of your training isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°It is sir. However¡­ I should mention that anything I summon will taste like lavender.¡± ¡°Lavender?¡± The Veiled Mixologist nodded. ¡°That¡¯s right sir. Everything I pull is going to taste like lavender if you don¡¯t order any flavor infusions. I¡¯ve never been able to figure it out. It always happens. Even my master at the Curatory was stumped by it.¡± ¡°Then it¡¯s a good thing that I like tha taste of lavender.¡± Cophin frowned at the bartender. The edge of his teeth peeked out of the corner of his mouth. The bartender shrugged. Plinth leaned on the counter. ¡°And I¡¯ll take a brandy, aged at least two years, in a bourbon or whiskey barrel, with a light fruit profile.¡± The bartender nodded. ¡°And sparkling water.¡± Plinth added. The liquid alchemist set to work behind the counter. The bartender selected a blue gemstone from a large container behind the bar. With a quick *Sizzle* of magic a weak solution filled a drinking glass sitting on top of the bar. The bartender slid the lavender scented booze across to Cophin. Cophin took a sip, stopping himself from twisting his face in disgust. The Veiled Mixologist didn¡¯t notice or didn¡¯t care and went back to cleaning a glass behind the counter. Cophin and Plinth placed their drinks on the counter. They looked out into the Convention Hall. Cophin scratched his knuckles. He tapped his pinky on the counter of the bar. ¡°You still agree that we don¡¯t need uniforms.¡± he said to Plinth. ¡°I agree that I¡¯ve never disagreed with you on that.¡± Plinth looked over the railing of the veranda at the stage below. ¡°That¡¯s right. We¡¯re not a restaurant that needs promotion after all. Just because we¡¯ve gotten a little more popular in tha last few days, that¡¯s no reason for us to change tha principles our restaurant was founded on.¡± Cophin tapped his foot on the floor. ¡°You have my full support.¡± Plinth said. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t make any difference anyway. We would still be competing with Lux and tha Galaxy Lip after all.¡± ¡°When you¡¯re right, you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°Good. Glad we¡¯re in agreement.¡± Cophin watched the alchemist carefully fill a pipette with brandy from a large oak barrel behind the bar. ¡°And even if we were going ta get uniforms it certainly wouldn¡¯t be from a self-serving sycophant like that Eaup¨¦ril gentleman.¡± Cophin rubbed his chin with a hand. Plinth *Slapped* him on the shoulder. ¡°Listen my friend, we are in complete alignment on that idea. That man¡¯s fashion presentation is like a tin can full of spoons.¡± Cophin raised a crooked eyebrow in confusion. ¡°Noisy, and without any strong points.¡± Plinth chuckled. ¡°Heh ha ha.¡± someone laughed behind them. ¡°That was very good. An astute observation if I ever heard one.¡± An older man stepped out of the crowd behind Plinth and Cophin. He had a wrinkled face and was wearing a white robe. ¡°You know they say that the mother of learning is observation, but that the child of invention is failure. Hahaha.¡± The older man laughed at his own joke and looked at Plinth. ¡°Ha hah. Very good sir.¡± Plinth chuckled politely. ¡°You know that reminds me, I was thrown out of the last fashion show I attended.¡± ¡°Really? Why was that?¡± Plinth took a sip from the brandy that was served on the counter in front of him. ¡°Because I asked a coatrack who their designer was.¡± ¡°Ha hahahaha!¡± the man laughed. ¡°Ho ho he he¡± Plinth laughed. Plinth and the old man laughed in good nature. Cophin took a sip of his lavender tonic and tried almost his best not to squeeze his eyelids into his cheekbones. The older man approached the bar counter. He retrieved a golden chalice from the bartender. It was filled with a rich red wine that rippled like the waves of the ocean. Cophin and Plinth, as well as every other tourist, were served in simple stemmed glassware. The white robed man took a sip from his wine. ¡°This is excellent. And I can¡¯t help but think it would be better with good company. It is so rare for me to meet perceptive individuals when I travel. And I can¡¯t help but think that I¡¯ve seen you before.¡± He narrowed his eyes and looked at Plinth. Plinth quickly shook his head. ¡°That can¡¯t possibly be. I¡¯m a low ranking sommelier and barely a journeyman alchemist. I just have one of those plain faces. The kind that you see everywhere. In fact some days I don¡¯t even recognize myself in the mirror.¡± ¡°Hmmm, maybe so. But gentlemen, I have a private booth for this event. I invite you to come and take a seat in it with me.¡± ¡°I would love to, but then where would you sit?¡± Plinth patted his belly. ¡°Hahaha.¡± ¡°Ho he ho.¡± ¡°But seriously. I insist.¡± There was a sudden ice to the Councilor''s voice. Two Guardsmen standing at the edge of the veranda turned towards the three of them. Plinth smiled. ¡°Uh yes, we accept¡­ how could we refuse.¡± Pull 82 convention 2 ¡°Behold! The latest fashion. A perfect symmetry of archaism and abundance. Fashion beyond clothing! Les manches ultimes!¡± Chance Eaup¨¦ril swirled his cape so that it billowed behind him. Three models waddled out onto the convention hall stage. Each one was wearing a simple cotton shirt and linen pant combo. They were plainly sewn, with plain colors, and plain materials. The sleeves of the shirts however, had been cut to twice the length of a traditional shirt. The pants were similar, with twice the necessary material needed for a regular pant leg. As the models walked their excess fabric dragged along bedding them on the stage. The audience in the convention hall applauded for each of the three fashion demonstrators. Chance smiled until the models reached the center of the stage. Then the lights dimmed and his voice dropped. ¡°But of course wearing a piece of clothing like this would make you look ridiculous. Don¡¯t you see how they can barely walk? No one in their right mind would put on such a bizarre shirt and pants combination.¡± The audience stopped their clapping and replaced it with confusion. Some of them looked around in discomfort. Were they supposed to clap for this? It didn¡¯t seem clap worthy. Chance had said that it was ridiculous. But he had also said it was the latest fashion. Why would he say that? ;| Had they been tricked? :( Had they been fooled? >:( ¡°Unless¡­¡± The audience scooted to the edge of their seats. :0 ¡°Unless¡­ they were also wearing our extremely fashionable intraclothing cord wraps!¡± Chance held up a set of braided silk cords. ¡°These cord wraps are run down through your sleeve then out and back up to the top of your shirt or pants. They tie off at your belt or collar and make sure that the extra material from your ultimate fashion doesn¡¯t get in the way as you stroll through the city.¡± The models on stage took out their own silk cords and demonstrated tying up their long sleeves so that they were now regular length. (Unfortunately only one of them could tie an elegant square knot. The other two had to settle for butterfly knots which were much less secure.) The audience resumed the thunderous applause, pleased that they had been in on the revelation the entire time and definitely not fooled by the unusual fashion. # ¡°You didn¡¯t tell me that your other companion here is the owner of the most prestigious restaurant in Kaseihgaeu, Plinth.¡± ¡°Ha ha. Honestly sir it simply slipped my thoughts. I was already so moved by your generosity that the information pooled at the bottom of my mind. I didn¡¯t want to take advantage of your hospitality.¡± Councilor A¡¯s private box was elevated above the main stage of the Convention Hall. Outfitted with leather seats and glass dividers it was the picture of luxury. A line of sequined servers waited next to a dumbwaiter so that they could make sure all of the guests had snacks and drinks fresh from the kitchen. Lux stood next to Plinth near the balcony that overlooked the convention hall stage. ¡°It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance sir. I am Lux.¡± He smiled expectantly. ¡°You can call me Councilor, or Your Excellency if you prefer.¡± ¡°As you wish, Your Excellency.¡± Lux said. ¡°Your name was Lux, right? Sounds familiar. I can¡¯t quite place it though¡­¡± The Councilor scratched his beard. ¡°It must be his fame as a chef that you¡¯re thinking of sir.¡± Plinth offered. ¡°That¡¯s probably it.¡± Councilor A nodded. ¡°You know it¡¯s been a few years since I was in Kaseihgaeu. I¡¯ve been meaning to try the Galaxy Lip¡¯s menu. Seeing as you are the head chef I¡¯m sure that you could make a reservation for me, Mr Lux.¡± Lux unfolded, then folded his hands. ¡°That is quite impossible Your Excellency. Reservations at the Galaxy Lip are made three weeks in advance. We keep to a very tight schedule. There are no available reservations for tonight or even for the next week. However if you are still interested in trying to get a table you can always wait outside with the other tourists and try to get on our wait list.¡± Councilor A flexed one of his elbows. ¡°Are you telling me to stand outside your restaurant to get on a waiting list?¡± ¡°Not at all sir. I am only suggesting standing outside the Galaxy Lip as a way to get a table. It would be your own choice. That would be the only way to get you seated tonight. But I will be honest with you, we have very few cancellations.¡± Lux, deep in though, looked at the ceiling. The Councilor tightened his smile. ¡°Surely you must have at least one open reservation that could be moved around?¡± ¡°I do apologize sir. I have no reservations.¡± Lux casually turned his head and looked out at the convention hall. The Councilor¡¯s head tilted ten degrees. But his eyes stayed level. *Ahem* ¡°My friend Lux is correct. The Galaxy Lip restaurant is exceptionally popular and perpetually busy. However!¡± Plinth held up a hand. ¡°Our restaurant across the street is the exact opposite. How about this Lux, in celebration of all of your incredible success why don¡¯t we let you borrow some of our seating. We can open up our patio space for tonight. That would allow you to take in extra diners from the waiting list. And since the good Councilor has already expressed an interest we could put him at the top of that list and have a table ready for when he arrives.¡± Lux pivoted in place. ¡°Plinth! You¡¯ve done it again. Coming up with a clever solution to an impossible problem.¡± ¡°Not really impossible-¡± ¡°No one could have figured this out but you! This is why you are my best friend.¡± ¡°What about me?¡± Cophin yelled from across the space. ¡°This is why you are one of my two best friends!¡± Lux said. ¡°Only too happy, to make everyone else happy.¡± Plinth said. The Councilor visibly relaxed and sipped his wine. Plinth relaxed as well. # ¡°But the Cr¨¦ateurgo?t brand isn¡¯t only about high fashion, it¡¯s also about community.¡± Chance twirled on stage and looked at the crowd. ¡°Not your community of course. Mine. Speaking of which, let me introduce you all to my son. Come on up here Luke!¡± Luke appeared involuntarily on stage. His shoulders were pulled far back and his arms were straight down at his sides like a corpse. Chance threw an arm around his son¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Some of you might not know this but Luke is famous. Not as famous as me of course. Ha ha. But he was a genius ever since he was a child. The absolute best. And you know what they say: The salmon doesn¡¯t swim that far upstream. Ha ha! Wave to the people Luke.¡± Luke put up an awkward hand. ¡°That a boy.¡± Chance slapped Luke on the back. ¡°And so handsome. Just like his father.¡± Chance smiled. ¡°Except for his elbows. Look at how chalky they are.¡± Chance reached over and pulled Luke¡¯s arm up so it was visible to the crowd. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing that long sleeves are in this year. What a shameful weenus you have here. Everyone look at my son¡¯s weenus! Lots of extra skin. We have to cover that up. After all, who wants a loose weenus?¡± Chance tugged Luke¡¯s sleeves down. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing that my Cr¨¦ateurgo?t brand has an additional line of skin care and cosmetics. Available now. And make sure you check this out.¡± Chance held up a bottle of acrylic gel. ¡°You¡¯ve seen nail polish, now get ready for hand polish.¡± Chance uncorked the bottle. There was a tiny brush attached to the lid. He held Luke¡¯s wrist with one hand. Using his other hand he brushed a bead of gold paint on the web of skin between each of Luke¡¯s digits. He raised Luke¡¯s hand up higher. ¡°Look at that! A tasteful flagina. Now in season and now in stock. And remember that only a registered Guild Craftsman can guarantee the color profile that best matches your look.¡± # Inside the theater box Cophin slouched against a banquet table. He stuffed a canap¨¦ into his mouth, reluctantly admired its flavor, then swallowed. Cophin turned to face the other man standing next to the table. ¡°And what line of work are you in Mr Reference?¡±The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Jonathan Reference shifted his shoulders. His muscular chest rippled beneath his shirt. ¡°I am a man of many passions, many grand designs. I have always felt that to define oneself by occupation alone is a derivative exercise. Who are we to reduce a man down to only his most basic mercenary activities?¡± Cophin pushed a few canap¨¦s around on a platter. ¡°Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, but say, what if ya had to pick an occupation? For conversational purposes.¡± ¡°If I had to, I would say that I am in the materials security business.¡± ¡°What? Like tha Guard?¡± ¡°No, nothing like the Guard. My work is more nuanced. The Guard only shows up after a crime has been committed. My work is focused on anticipating crime before it happens.¡± Cophin turned to look at Jonathan. ¡°So you prevent crimes?¡± ¡°Not exactly. I identify them. I compile information on the victims and how they were taken advantage off. Then I pass this information on to others. It¡¯s these other people who take action on the information that I¡¯ve collected. In that way I¡¯m more of a middleman.¡± ¡°Is that right?¡± Cophin looked Jonathan up and down. He made note of the man''s taunt biceps and the way he balanced himself on the balls of his feet. ¡°That''s right.¡± Jonathan looked Cophin up and down. He made note of the man''s lean calves and the scars across his knuckles. ¡°So would ya say that you¡¯ve been busy lately, Mr Reference?¡± ¡°I would say that I''m always on the lookout for new opportunities and vulnerabilities. There is no end to the skulduggery used by thieves and robbers. I find that it always helps to be prepared.¡± ¡°Is that right?¡± Cophin ate a canap¨¦ with small careful bites. ¡°That''s right.¡± Jonathan picked up a canap¨¦ and swallowed it whole. ¡°Well I hope that you- *Thhhbbbthpt*¡± Cophin¡¯s eyes went wide and he spit bits of pastry out onto Jonathan Reference¡¯s expensive shirt. Jonathan looked down at his shirt. ¡°What are you-!¡± ¡°No way. Is that?¡± Cophin looked over the veranda at the convention hall. # There was a *CRASH* as Ash rode the wooden door over the carpeted floor of the foyer and into the Convention Hall. ¡°Here we go!¡± Ash shouted. The door reached the edge of the seating area, tipped over the lip of the aisle of stairs leading into the stands, and then plunged down into the Hall. Ash gripped the edges of the door as it picked up speed. Tourists seated in the stands watched the young boy rocket down the steps on his wild ride. ¡°Is this part of the show?¡± A tourist asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know. He is dressed like Constatine Grimager.¡± said another. ¡°How am I going to stop?¡± Ash yelled to himself. ¡°I¡¯ll have to summon a- *Huugggh*¡± At the base of the stairs the door slid between two stanchions that were arranged in a ring around the stage. A velvet rope suspended between the two rods caught Ash right in the throat and hung him out to dry like a piece of laundry on a clothesline. The door slammed into the stage and Ash fluttered to the ground. The stanchions tipped over and wrapped around him. With a *Cough*Cough*Coughing* fit Ash crawled to his knees and grabbed the edge of the stage. Ash heaved himself over the apron and rolled onto the stage. His leg caught on a velvet rope. ¡°Who *Wheeze* put all these velvet rope thingies in my way!¡± Ash kicked the stanchions away with his leg. One of the clips on the rope caught on his pant leg. Ash kicked his leg in a little circle. The rope followed him. Ash continued kicking for a further ninety seven seconds as the stanchion *Clanged* against the stage. (The audience watched in silence.) *Clang* *Clang*Clang* *Clang* *Clang* *Clang* *Clang* *Clang* *Clangity*Clang* Finally Lady Starling walked over and put a foot on the rope so Ash could pull it off his pants. *Wheeze* ¡°Thank you.¡± Ash wiped some sweat from his forehead. Lady Starling pointed over her shoulder at the stage. ¡°Oh right.¡± Ash nodded. *ahem* ¡°I''m looking for the most self important person here!¡± Chance Eaup¨¦ril rotated so that his cape spun out behind him. ¡°That would be me.¡± ¡°What are you doing here Mr Eaup¨¦ril! How dare you show up here after you fled from Star Town. You were supposed to be floating in the ocean. Preferably face down.¡± ¡°My love and my lady will always be with the sea, but I have found myself called to a higher purpose. Fashion!¡± ¡°You¡¯ve been called a lot of things, none of which I¡¯m going to repeat in public. And how dare you drag Luke up on stage like this. He¡¯s not some apocryphal novelty for you to display.¡± Luke stared off into the middle distance as he stood next to his father. Chance leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. ¡°Who is¡­ Why if it isn''t the jeune garcon Sifter. Tell me, is your mother still attached to that blacksmith that works by the eastern gate of Star Town?¡± ¡°How dare you¡­ Did everyone know about that but me!?¡± Ash screeched. ¡°I thought you would have been happy for her. What with your father being dead, and you always ignoring her by hiding in the woods all day.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll kill you!¡± Ash rushed forward in a frenzy, his fingers outstretched like claws. From out of the audience, Jack leapt up onto the stage and grabbed Ash by the arm. ¡°No Ash! Not before he pays his taxes.¡± Ash and Jack wrestled on stage in front of the audience. Tourists in the crowd began to whisper to each other. ¡°Is there a theater performance happening?¡± asked one. ¡°Craftsmaster Eaup¨¦ril really is a cutting edge creator." said another. ¡°Combining drama and fashion? The man must be a genius.¡± ¡°Everyone needs to stop paying attention to this man! He doesn''t deserve it!¡± Ash grunted from the edge of the stage. ¡°What?¡± A tourist shouted. ¡°Speak up.¡± said his neighbor. The audience started to mumble. *Mumble*Mumble* ¡°What are they gripping about?¡± Ash looked around in annoyance. ¡°Here drink this.¡± Lady Starling held out a green potion bottle to Ash. Ash raised an eyebrow. Starling waved an impatient hand at him. ¡°It will help you speak louder so the crowd can hear you. That¡¯s what you want right?¡± Ash uncorked the bottle and gulped down the liquid. ¡°Speak up!¡± shouted a tourist from the stands. ¡°I HEAR YOU. Wow, WOW. Is that my voice?¡± Ash bellowed. ¡°That¡¯s incredible.¡± Lady Starling pointed to her own throat. ¡°Vox-mach-nine potion. It strengthens the voice box. Helps you project your voice so that people can hear you in a large space like this.¡± ¡°Fantastic. By the way, I wanted to say I¡¯m sorry about earlier in the gambling hall. That day we first met. I should have moved.¡± Lady Starling shrugged. ¡°Don''t worry about it kid. I could have waited you out.¡± ¡°But now that I have everyone¡¯s attention you should stop giving attention to that man.¡± Ash pointed at Chance. ¡°He is a fraud and a swindler and-¡± ¡°I CHALLENGE YOU!¡± Chance stamped his foot down on the stage. The convention hall went quiet. Chance held up a hand. *Ca-Caaaw* Out of the rafters a falcon leapt into flight. The bird made a circle over the heads of the audience before landing on Chance¡¯s extended arm. ¡°How dare you, make such boldly unfounded accusations. I am no ordinary swindler. That is to say, I am a Master Craftsman. My prodigious products are the pinnacle of professionalism.¡± ¡°You can fool as many of these cud chewing cows as you want.¡± Ash waved at the audience. ¡°But I know what you are. I won¡¯t let you use Luke as a prop in your stage show.¡± ¡°Ash, it¡¯s fine.¡± Luke waved a hand below his waist. ¡°That¡¯s right Ash. You¡¯re acting like a fool.¡± Jack pulled on Ash¡¯s arm. ¡°Why are you defending him? You know Mr Eaup¨¦ril is barely better than a lamprey.¡± ¡°Your opinion is worth less than lamprey spit. And I have paperwork to fill out. Stop making a scene.¡± Jack yelled. ¡°This is stupid. Luke, get off the stage.¡± Ash shouted. The audience *Grumbled*. ¡°What is family if not a tool for success? I¡¯ve had enough of your outburst.¡± said Chance. Chance withdrew a pocket watch from one of his sleeves. He threw the watch down on the stage. The watch *Clattered* across the polished wood to land in front of Ash. ¡°I challenge you, you, you, upstart! You who know nothing of fashion.¡± (The Audience *Chuckled*.) ¡°Either get off of my stage or set the time. If you dare.¡± Ash crouched down and picked up the pocket watch. He threw it across the stage at Chance. Chance caught it with one hand. ¡°I don¡¯t need any timepiece to know that I¡¯ve overindulged your ego. Luke and I are leaving.¡± Ash grabbed Luke¡¯s arm. Chance shoved the pocketwatch back into his sleeve. ¡°Very well. The challenge is accepted. As they say, Enter my nich¨¦e, feel my talons!¡± With a flourish of his arm Chance released the falcon. The bird spun in an arc and dived at Ash. ¡°Ahh!¡± Ash threw himself to the ground. Jack fell on top of him. Luke fell on top of him. The falcon whirled around and started making loops over the stage. In the stands the audience burst into applause. ¡°What a spectacle.¡± said a tourist. ¡°He challenged the Craftsmaster in front of everyone!¡± ¡°I can¡¯t believe all the twists and turns.¡± said another. ¡°This is the best convention that I¡¯ve ever attended!¡± a tourist shouted. Ash pushed himself up to his elbows. ¡°What is happening now?¡± Jack looked down at Ash. ¡°Do you have any idea what you did?¡± Ash scratched his elbow. ¡°None at all. I hit that velvet rope pretty hard. *Wheeze* I¡¯m still a little dizzy.¡± Jack stood back up. Luke did the same. Luke helped Ash to his feet. Jack dusted off his shirt. ¡°It¡¯s an old tradition among Craftsmasters. You challenge someone to a duel and whoever can summon the best item is the winner. Normally you let the other party decide the location and time. That was what the watch was for.¡± Lady Starling looked around the convention hall. ¡°Looks like the location is here and the time is now.¡± Jack rubbed his forehead with both hands. ¡°Ah, Grandpa is going to be so upset he missed this. He loooves challenges. He would have really liked to see this.¡± Ash pulled Luke¡¯s sleeve. ¡°Does your father, know, I mean about me and my¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be honest he might have never been paying attention when your summon power was discovered.¡± said Luke. Ash grinned. ¡°He challenged me without knowing my greatest weakness. I might have a chance.¡± Lady Starling rubbed her stiff shoulders. ¡°Child, are you sure you want to go through with this? You¡¯re going to attract a lot of attention if you do.¡± ¡°What other choice do I have?¡± Ash hiked up his pants. ¡°You could back down, rescind your accusations, and leave.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ no fucking way.¡± Ash shook his head. Ash looked around the arena. The crowd was working themselves into a frenzy ¡°The only thing I care about in the entire world right now is humiliating that man in a public forum.¡± Lady Starling rolled her shoulders back. ¡°Damn boy. Alright, let''s get this show pumped up.¡± Pull 83 Bede splashed some hot sauce on a boiled egg he was holding and took a bite. *Sizzle* He leaned back in his chair and blinked away some tears. Bede held up the bottle of hot sauce in his hand. He stared at the completely incomprehensible script on the label. The only thing that was recognizable was the smiling picture of an anthropomorphic chili pepper on the front. ¡°Ooh. I don¡¯t know who made you or what¡¯s in you, but you got some Kick that¡¯s for damn sure.¡± Bede took another bite out of the boiled egg. *Creeeak* The Belt Buckle Bouncer opened the door behind Bede and walked into the office. Alli followed in after her. ¡°So¡­ Why the¡­?¡± Alli asked. ¡°The belt?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah¡­¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer adjusted her jacket¡¯s sleeves. ¡°Our uniform guidelines say that we must show up to work wearing a clean, pressed suit and jacket. With socks, shoes, and a belt. The guidelines say nothing about the size or shape of other clothing items. Such as a belt.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°What about you? Do they let you wear jewelry in the scriptorium?¡± Alli examined her wrist. Her charm bracelet *Jangled*. ¡°Eh, not exactly. But I¡¯m kind of on loan as Ms Chamber¡¯s private secretary so I can wear whatever I want.¡± ¡°That¡¯s nice. I like your bracelet. That fox charm is really cute.¡± ¡°Thank you. Well, I like your belt. I think it looks good on you.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer¡¯s cheeks became one half shade more red for only a moment. ¡°Hoffs the coffention hall?¡± Bede asked with half an egg in his mouth. ¡°Are they *Gulp* almost done with the presentation.¡± Bede picked up another egg off of the desk in front of him. Alli rolled her eyes. ¡°Not yet. There is some big commotion happening in the convention center. Something about a contest.¡± Bede shook the egg absentmindedly. He stopped, looked around the room to see if anyone had seen him, then shook the bottle of hot sauce instead. ¡°A contest, what kind of contest?¡± he asked. ¡°They were comparing costumes I think.¡± Alli scratched her chin. ¡°What a waste of time and resources. Such a tedious use of one of the city¡¯s most well equipped theater spaces.¡± Bede shook his head. ¡°It was that man from out of town and some young boy dressed like Constantine Grimager.¡± The Belt Buckle Bouncer added. ¡°What did you say?¡± Bede swiveled in his chair. *Splurt* Hot sauce ran down Bede¡¯s sleeve. # ¡°This is a great spread of food your Excellency.¡± Jonathan said. ¡°Nothing but the highest quality I assure you. I always treat my friends to the best available. After all, we deserve it so much more than other people.¡± Councilor stroked his beard.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. A laden banquet table blocked one entire wall of the Councilor¡¯s private viewing box. Silver platters filled with kitchen delights were spread across the table. ¡°I could eat this food for all four hundred days of the year and still not grow tired of it.¡± Jonathan ate a pickled jalapeno in one bite. ¡°Of course. Only the finest. And no summoned food either. Only artisanally grown produce rich with vitamins, minerals, and mana.¡± The Councilor waved a finger. ¡°But this table looks empty in places. Where is the cantaloupe bread that I requested earlier?¡± A server bowed in apology. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Councilor. The kitchen seems to have misplaced your food cart. We¡¯ll send down for another order right away.¡± ¡°See that you do.¡± Cophin, Plinth and Lux stood at the edge of the private box. They looked over the railing at the stage far below. ¡°Isn¡¯t that your waiter?¡± Lux pointed down at the Convention Hall stage. ¡°It is.¡± Plinth replied. ¡°And isn¡¯t that your sous chef?¡± Lux asked. ¡°Hrrrm.¡± Cophin grumbled. ¡°And they appear to have challenged the visiting speaker to a fashion contest?¡± Plinth looked sideways at the other two. ¡°Trouble?¡± The corner of Cophin¡¯s mouth twitched. ¡°Trouble.¡± The three of them went back to watching. Space was being cleared in the center of the Convention Hall stage for the challenge to proceed. Platina stomped into the private box. The two Petty Officers followed in behind her. ¡°And did you see her belt buckle?¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer said. ¡°I know. It was so big she could use it as a mirror.¡± The Blonde Petty Officer replied. ¡°And what about that other one? Wearing a charm bracelet? At her age?¡± ¡°I know. It¡¯s so pathetic. How childish can you be?¡± ¡°Hehehe.¡± ¡°Hahaha.¡± The two of them laughed together. The rhythm of their laughter was uncomfortably in sync. Platina glanced back over her shoulder. The two Petty Officers stopped talking and snapped to attention. Platina walked over to Councilor A and leaned down to talk into his ear. She whispered. Councilor A whispered back out of the side of his mouth. Platina shrugged. The Councilor looked over at Cophin, Plinth, and Lux. ¡°While you¡¯re here Platina, go and see if you can find Lady House and tell her that I¡¯ve secured a table at the most prestigious restaurant in town for this evening.¡± ¡°As you wish sir. I¡¯ll give her your invitation to join you at the restaurant later.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything about an invitation. I just want you to tell her.¡± The Councilor examined his fingernails. ¡°As you wish sir.¡± Platina turned around and walked back out of the private box. The two Petty Officers moved to follow her as she left. *Bump* They accidentally bumped into Jonathan as he was also moving to leave the box. Jonathan stepped back and put a hand over his heart. ¡°Pardon me ladies. I was going to step out for a bit and see if I could purchase a souvenir. But please, after you.¡± Jonathan pulled his shoulders back like a fashion model and gave them a wink. ¡°Ah, no, it¡¯s fine. We were just¡­¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer trailed off. The Blonde Petty Officer shoved her. ¡°The souvenirs are down in the Lobby. Come on. We have to follow the Commander. Let¡¯s go.¡± ¡°Right. Sorry. Excuse us.¡± The Chestnut Petty Officer bowed to Jonathan and then hurried to catch up to Platina. Jonathan left after the two of them and walked in the opposite direction. Councilor A poured himself another drink. He looked over at the railing of his private box. ¡°Is something happening on stage? It sounds like some sort of commotion. I feel like walking over there and seeing for myself.¡± Plinth turned around and put his hand over his mouth. ¡°Uh¡­ before you do that, have you ever seen an apple skin peeled in a single slice?¡± Councilor A raised an eyebrow. ¡°Master Plinth I am aware that a man of my position gives off an aura of exceptionalism but I have seen and eaten fruit before. You needn''t try to impress me with provincial pleasantries.¡± ¡°That was not my intention at all Councilor. Let me clarify. Have you ever seen an apple skin peeled in a single slice, while it was in the air?¡± ¡°Go on¡­¡± Pull 84 Costume Contest ¡°Your son isn¡¯t with you?¡± Champ Letterman jumped in his seat. He turned around quickly. Lady House was standing in the doorway leading to the Convention Hall box seats where he was sitting. ¡°Ah, Ms House, Lady, er, no. He had some business he needed to take care of.¡± Champ stammered. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were so interested in fashion.¡± ¡°Oh no, I mean yes. Actually the presenter is a citizen of Star Town.¡± Champ stood up. He gestured at a chair in the viewing box. ¡°Won¡¯t you please come and take a seat?¡± House took a seat. ¡°I didn¡¯t know Mr Eaup¨¦ril was from Star Town.¡± Champ sat back down. ¡°He is. Or at least he was. He floated away one day. It devastated our economy. I still have dreams about the government subsidies that he and his wife brought into our town. Before the creditors cleared them out.¡± Lady House slid into the seat next to him. The leather chair softly creaked under her. *Sniff*Sniff* Jasmine? Maybe gardenia? It took a moment until Champ realized that House was talking to him. ¡°...normally avoid events like this. But high profile guests require high profile distractions.¡± Lady House trailed off. Champ nodded. ¡°So you brought Chance here deliberately? How?¡± ¡°With enough rare gemstones to buy him an island.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t give him an island, then he¡¯ll never pay his taxes!¡± Champ sank back into his seat. He fidgeted with his watch. ¡°Sorry. That was rude. I¡¯m not normally so unwound.¡± Lady House peeked into a surplus teakettle that was provided to the box seats. (Empty) ¡°Shall I call a server to bring us some refreshments?¡± She asked. ¡°Please. Allow me.¡± Mayor Letterman withdrew a small leather gem-purse from his jacket. ¡°I can take care of this.¡± Champ slapped the bag against his hand. The drawstring snapped. The bag popped open and fired a rain of glittering green gemstones over the railing of the viewing box and into the crowd seated below. The crowd grumbled below. A few children scrambled between the seats to grab the loose gems. Champ avoided looking over the railing. Lady house let no emotion show on her face. Champ shook the bag. He started fishing inside it for one last summon stone. His large fingers barely squeezed through the opening of the purse. Mayor Letterman looked up sheepishly. ¡°Ah, yes. Hold on a minute. *Grunt* It¡¯s stuck at the bottom you see. Almost got it. *Sigh* Hold on, I can feel the edge, yes. There it is!¡± He pulled a final green crystal out of the bag. ¡°Very impressive.¡± Lady House gave a weak smile. (There is still some time to recover this meeting.) Champ held his hand out over the teapot. With a confident grin a confident magical circle appeared over the pot. Liquid tea manifested from the aether and began pouring into the container as the crystal dissolved into nothingness. In a few seconds the tea had filled the pot. But then the tea didn¡¯t stop flowing. It filled the pot, flowed over the sides, and cascaded across the table. A wave of hot tea splashed over the chairs. The right side of Champ¡¯s pants were soaked. ¡°Jam and biscuits!¡± Champ shouted. He looked over and saw that tea had splashed over the other chair and soaked through the left seam of Lady House¡¯s dress. ¡°Oh no! Oh moons! I¡¯m so sorry. Here let me get that for you.¡± Champ Letterman jumped up. His chair was shoved back and tipped over. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. Rushing over he knelt down in front of Lady House and started desperately patting down her left leg.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. He scowled at the handkerchief in his fist. ¡°Dammit! Why isn¡¯t this thing absorbing any moisture?¡± Champ put his hand around Lady House¡¯s thigh and started rubbing his handkerchief up and down her leg. ¡°Crappy polyester material. Oh damn. Now the liquid is running down your ankle. Don¡¯t worry I¡¯ll-¡± Champ froze in place. He looked down at his right hand, gripping Lady House¡¯s knee and slightly lifting her leg, and his left hand, wrapping her upper thigh with his handkerchief and pushing towards her hip. Lady House was starring at him. Her smile was playful, but her eyes were inscrutable. ¡°Uh¡­¡± Champ blinked a few times as his brain short circuited. ¡°YOU THERE! LETTERMAN!¡± A voice boomed through the Convention Hall. Champ ducked down in bashful surprise and slid behind the railing. Lady House watched Jack walk out on stage. She raised an eyebrow. ¡°So. You weren¡¯t being metaphorical when you said your son had business to attend to.¡± # ¡°And of course Letterman the younger will judge this competition.¡± Chance smiled. ¡°That¡¯s not fair. Jack hates me.¡± Ash shouted. ¡°I don¡¯t hate you Ash. I hate your personality.¡± Jack held his hands up defensively. ¡°That¡¯s the same thing.¡± ¡°I also hate your behavior as well. And your weak ethics. And your undeserved pride. Hmmm, anything else.¡± Jack looked lost in thought. ¡°This is getting personal.¡± Ash grumbled. Everyone and everything had been pushed to the side of the Convention Hall as grips, gaffers, and riggers scuttled around on the stage. In minutes they had assembled a long platform that ran down the center of the stage. Off to one side a small table and bench had been placed in a corner. Lady Starling oversaw the stage renovation. Jack, Ash, and Luke sat on the edge of the stage. Their legs dangled over the apron. ¡°But even if I wanted to, we would still need two more judges.¡± Jack smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt. ¡°I shall judge this contest!¡± Everyone in the auditorium looked up. The Orchid Keeper strode down the stairs into the Convention Hall. She walked down the aisle until she reached the area in front of the stage. She briefly paused to get a running start, then dashed forward and somersaulted onto the stage. Her pinwheel dress pinwheeled around her. The audience let out impressed applause. The Orchid Keeper turned and made a formal bow to the tourists as they clapped for her. ¡°Thank you. Thank you all.¡± The Orchid Keeper was dressed in a green pinwheel dress with lines of decorative buttons running across the waist and down the sleeves. Her hair framed her face like a glowing halo. The follicles even had an almost metallic sheen. Her purple and red eyes were bright and cheerful. When she smiled two rows of bright white teeth were displayed, showcasing her impressive oral hygiene. The shoe size of her left foot was a 7.5 while her right foot was a 9. (A fact that she would never admit to even if her life depended on it.) Lady Starling waved at the crowd to be quiet. ¡°Ms Bellfrey, it is very unusual for a judge to select themselves. Especially one that is already competing in another contest in the Ocean¡¯s Bounty.¡± ¡°Oh what¡¯s the harm Lady Starling.¡± Bellfrey shimmered her fingers. ¡°After all, I think the crowd has already made up their mind.¡± The crowd shouted their approval. ¡°We love you Bellfrey!¡± ¡°You¡¯re the best.¡± ¡°Ms Bellfey is going to judge the competition? This show keeps getting better and better!¡± The tourists were ravenous in their enthusiasm. Lady Starling massaged the bridge of her nose. ¡°Fine. But we still need a third judge.¡± ¡°I shall select the third judge!¡± All heads in the convention hall swiveled the other direction. Lady House stood up in the viewing box. Chance immediately focused his attention on her. ¡°Ah, Madame House. So good to see you again. I must thank you for hosting this convention.¡± House waved a hand. ¡°As a city built on entertainment I like to provide our visiting tourists with a measure of¡­ spectacle. And you are certainly one to provide that Mr Eaup¨¦ril.¡± Chance kept yelling over the crowd without blinking. ¡°And I see that you¡¯ve been joined by Mayor Letterman. Champ climbed to his feet and dusted his knees. His large size made it certain that every eye in the room noticed him standing up. ¡°Yes. Hello again Mr Eaup¨¦ril.¡± he said. ¡°Mr Letterman there is the Mayor of Star Town. Me and my son used to live in Star Town. Most of you probably haven¡¯t heard of it. Tiny town, barely worth mentioning. Me and my son left it years ago for bigger and better things.¡± Chance¡¯s eyes locked onto Lady House. ¡°You must have invited him personally. There¡¯s no way he could afford a private seat with his stipend. He¡¯s not even a Master Craftsman either.¡± Champ did his best to look like he didn¡¯t want to sink into the earth beneath his feet and never come up. ¡°The two of you must have so much to talk about. Both of you are the leader of a city. You¡¯re both members of the Craftsman¡¯s Guild. And both of you have a dead spouse. Your wife is still dead isn¡¯t she Champ?¡± Chance let the question trail off. ¡°What? You, you are, taxed raccoon, I don¡¯t¡­¡± Champ sputtered like a leaky balloon. ¡°So who did you have in mind for the final judge!?¡± Chance shouted up at the viewing box. ¡°There you are Lady House.¡± Platina stood at the entrance of the box seats. ¡°The Councilor sent me *Sigh* to invite you to his private box.¡± She nodded at Mayor Letterman once. ¡°Unless you had other plans.¡± Lady House drew a single fingernail across her bottom lip and smiled. Pull 85 ¡°Each contestant will be given a selection of summon crystals to compete with. They will have three minutes to manifest and prepare their creations. They will then present their outfits to the judges. Whoever has the most points after five rounds will be declared the winner. The loser¡­¡± Lady Starling looked sideways at Ash. ¡°Will be ejected from the building.¡± ¡°This is some grinksludging nonsense.¡± Ash hunched his shoulders. ¡°How am I supposed to compete with Mr Eaup¨¦ril in a fashion contest? Fashion is completely frivolous. And your Father is the most frivolous man I¡¯ve ever known.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t have to challenge him Ash.¡± Luke put a hand on Ash¡¯s shoulder. Ash glowered. ¡°I didn¡¯t have to do a lot of things, but now I have, so I have to have a chance to show Chance that I have what it takes to have him embarrassed in front of all these people.¡± ¡°Stop focusing on my Father and remember that you¡¯re also being judged by Jack inside of an arena full of strangers who are ravenously anticipating your embarrassment.¡± said Luke. *Teeth Grinding* ¡°You¡¯re not backing down are you kid?¡± Lady Starling scanned the crowd. Ash teased his shirt sleeve. ¡°No. no. Just, taking a hard look at reality and noticing all the cracks and imperfections that disturb the surface.¡± said Ash. ¡°Most underdogs have a bit more humility. Let¡¯s see how far you can go.¡± # Bebe kicked open the door to the catwalks. The metal railings shook with the sudden force. ¡°What are you doing you morons? Who decided to use blue number 7 for lighting the skinny one?¡± Several overstage rigging technicians looked up in surprise. A Chalkdusted Illuminator stopped adjusting a large electrical light that was pointed down at the stage below. ¡°Who? Who are you talking about? And who are you?¡± he asked. Bede held up a hand and ticked off three fingers as he spoke. ¡°You. The skinny boy on stage dressed like Constantine. And finally, I am the person that can remedy your education and teach you basic color theory you unblinking cave fish. Now do as I say and pull those blues off of the skinny boy. You¡¯re making him look like an emaciated corpse.¡± ¡°How do you know-¡± ¡°Don¡¯t question me. I¡¯ve spent more time that I care to admit making sure that boy¡¯s features are visible from a distance. Now do as I say, shutter those lights, get ready to focus this entire grid.¡± Bede pointed his bottle of hot sauce in the rigging tech¡¯s face. ¡°Ah! What is that? It smells like poison.¡± The cap of the bottle wiggled back and forth. Bede snapped it back into place. ¡°It¡¯s fine. The Alchemists assure me that it''s safe to consume.¡± # ¡°As you are aware Combat Bakers are one of the most highly trained Guilds in the Kingdom.¡± said Plinth. ¡°I am indeed aware. In fact you hardly needed to mention that at all. Everyone knows that, so we don¡¯t need to bring it up ever again.¡± said the Councilor. ¡°Now let me see if I understand. You are saying that I will stand over there and throw this apple into the air.¡± ¡°That''s right.¡± Plinth nodded. ¡°And then this other gentleman who is standing on the other side of the room will throw a knife at it. And he will peel the entire apple in the air?¡± ¡°That is correct.¡± Plinth nodded again. ¡°Well, this I have to see. Let me just turn away from the Convention Hall stage so that I can get a good look at this.¡± Councilor A settled himself. Plinth waited on the other side of the room. A long carving knife was in his hand. ¡°So you are a Combat Baker?¡± The Gloved Guard looked over at Cophin. Cophin¡¯s eyes dashed over at the Councilor for a moment. ¡°Heh heh, no. I¡¯m not a Combat Baker.¡± He flipped the knife. ¡°But I did study in their kitchens. So I¡¯m, about, one step behind ya might say.¡± ¡°So how is this supposed to work? You want me to simply toss this apple into the air?¡± The Councilor hefted an apple he was holding. Cophin nodded from across the room. ¡°That¡¯s right. Give it a good high toss. And I should also say, everyone else take a step back.¡± ¡°Very well. Here goes.¡± Councilor A pulled his arm back and then launched the apple into the air. Everyone in the private box watched the fruit soar through the air.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. (A) There was a flash. Cophin¡¯s hand was like an eagle¡¯s claw, almost too fast to follow. The knife he threw spiraled into the air, twisting along every axis imaginable and some that weren¡¯t. The knife buried itself into the wall above the buffet table. Its handle resting gently on top of a pyramid of tea cakes. The apple, its trajectory undisturbed, fell and landed on the be-rugged floor of the viewing box. (?) But with its first *Bounce* all assembled watched as the apple¡¯s exocarp sheared away in a perfect spiral. (A~~-~--~---~ By the time it *Bounced* a second time the entire soft flesh of the mesocarp was visible next to a red ribbon peel. *Silence* ¡°Incredible! Bravo! Incredible.¡± Councilor A clapped his hands. ¡°You¡¯re too kind.¡± Cophin made a formal bow. The Councilor turned to the Gloved Guard. ¡°Call down to the gallery. Tell them to send up an entire fruit tray. I want to see what else he can peel.¡± Cophin turned to Plinth and scowled. Plinth shrugged. # ¡°I need yellow!¡± Bede shouted. ¡õ ¡°Like this?¡± The Chalkdusted Illuminator held up a square of colored gelatin. ¡°That''s chartreuse. Where is my red?¡± ? ¡°Like this one?¡± ¡°That one couldn''t be more vermillion.¡± ? ¡°Here¡¯s a navy color.¡± Said another lighting technician. ¡°That one is basically indigo. I need something more cobalt than that.¡± Said Bede. The technician shook his head. ¡°I don¡¯t understand what any of these words mean.¡± ? ? ¡ö ¡°I don''t need you to understand, I only need you to do exactly as I say.¡± Bede smiled with more cheek than was necessary. ¡°Take it easy on the help Bede. They actually have to work for a living.¡± The metal grates creaked as Vance stepped out onto the catwalk. Bede¡¯s fake smile disappeared. ¡°What are you doing here Vance? Did you get lost on your way to the dumpster you sleep in?¡± Vance pretended not to notice. ¡°Thanks for the concern Bede. Should I ask the bellhop to come and get those bags that are under your eyes?¡± Bede pretended not to notice even harder. ¡°Did you fight a rat in an alley for that jacket? Because I would have let the rat keep it.¡± The half dozen lighting and rigging workers on the catwalk pretended to look in any direction but at the two young men. Bede sighed. ¡°But seriously Vance, what are you doing here?¡± ¡°Hiding from your aunt. I threatened to throw your cousin off the roof, SoMeHoW that makes me the bad guy.¡± ¡°What were you trying to prove? If you wait long enough she would have thrown herself off the roof without your help.¡± ¡°Thank you. That was the explanation that I was trying to make. But your aunt didn¡¯t appreciate my assistance.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a difficult man to underestimate, Vance.¡± ¡°And you couldn¡¯t find your own backbone with both hands and a map Bede.¡± # ¡°And of course we will need a volunteer from the audience!¡± Chance made a show of passing his hand over the crowded seats around the auditorium. ¡°Hmmm, yes, let me see. You there! Third row, second seat! You are perfect. Come on down!¡± The Cottontail Excursionist hopped up and down in excitement. ¡°Oh my. Oh yes! Me! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.¡± She ran down the stairs to the stage, leapt up the side onto the proscenium, and tripped. Thankfully all of her clothing was soft and warm. Like she was dressed in pillows. A large linen bedroll was tied to her back above her hips and three bandanas of different colors were tied up on her upper right arm. Her (too large) large deerskin boots were stuffed at the edges with bundles of wool socks. Even her platinum colored hair swaddled her face and shoulders. The *Squeak* that she made as she hit the stage had the effect of evoking a sense of pity in everyone that heard it. She leapt back up to her feet. ¡°Hammers over halcyon! It¡¯s an honor Mr Eaup¨¦ril. I traveled all the way from the Archipelago to see you. It would be my absolute pleasure to participate in this competition.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°This is the luckiest day of my life.¡± The Cottontail Excursionist said. ¡°It really is. Here take my stamp of approval.¡± Chance *Snapped* his fingers. A Mermaid Model appeared at his left elbow holding an inkpad. Chance removed a rubber stamper from his pocket and pressed it into the pad. He looked the Cottontail Excursionist over, frowning at her boots, pants, and jacket. With a shrug he planted the rubber stamp on her cheek. The stamper left behind a red ink mark of a seven taloned falcon¡¯s claw. ¡°I¡¯m so excited to participate in this competition Mr Eaup¨¦ril.¡± The Cottontail Excursionist rubbed her palms together. ¡°Yes. I only hope you''re not too disappointed when your team loses.¡± Said Chance. ¡°But, how could you lose sir?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to young lady.¡± ¡°Huh? But I thought I was going to be your model sir.¡± ¡°Ha ha, of course you did. But I already have an entire team of infinitely more qualified models. They have the exact type of non-guild experience (and pay rates) that make them perfect for my show. No, you will be working with this young man.¡± Chance pointed at Ash. ¡°His name is, I want to say, Dash?¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°You''ve known me since I was a child, Mr Eaup¨¦ril.¡± ¡°Good boy Dash. take our beautiful volunteer and try to make something of her. Best of luck. You''ll need it.¡± Chance waved a hand. The Cottontail Excursionist¡¯s head snapped back and forth. ¡°But, I thought that I, but¡­¡± *CaCAAAW* A falcon dove over the stage. The Cottontail Excursionist doubled over and hugged her knees. Chance turned and strode back to the other side of the stage. ¡°Don¡¯t mind Beck. He¡¯s only stretching his wings.¡± He rotated so the collar of his cape obscured his face from view. The Cottontail Excursionist peeked out from between her fingers. Ash offered her a hand. ¡°Sorry about this. I didn¡¯t know he was going to pick someone from the audience.¡± The Cottontail Excursionist took his hand. Ash helped her back to her feet. Ash pulled on one of his sleeves. ¡°I''m used to being humiliated by myself. I didn''t know that my pride would drag other people into this fiasco. If you want you can leave-¡± ¡°No! No. I¡¯m¡­ going to stay.¡± Her lip quivered. ¡°Being onstage with Chance Eaup¨¦ril. That¡¯s still¡­ that¡¯s still a big event isn¡¯t it?¡± She smiled and blinked several times to clear her eyes. ¡°Yeah, yeah. I guess it is.¡± Ash rubbed his neck. ¡°I¡¯m Ash by the way.¡± ¡°You can call me Penny.¡± Pull 86 I stashed an extra 2% here ¡°Without further ado. It is now time for the Contest!¡± Ash looked around in a panic. ¡°Oh crap! It¡¯s happening now. What are we doing? What¡¯s going on?¡± Luke walked over to the side of the stage where Ash was. ¡°How is it going?¡± He asked. ¡°Good, good.¡± Ash crossed his arms. ¡°I came over to tell you that my father is almost done.¡± ¡°Done with what? Whose team are you on?¡± ¡°His, not his, I don''t know. This has been a very confusing day.¡± Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the stage. Chance held two fingers to his temple while keeping his eyes closed. One of the Mermaids stepped out onto the stage. The stage lights above moved to highlight her. Chance¡¯s eyes snapped open and he thrust out his hand. ¡°Behold! A summer shawl. Made out of genuine summer grasses.¡± As the Mendicant Mermaid was illuminated by the spotlights overhead there was a flash of magic. Her regular sequined fishtail was replaced by a long trailing dress woven from dried meadow grass. The young woman maintained her composure. (She hissed through her teeth.) The Mermaid made a quick turn in front of the judges¡¯ table. The Orchid Keeper leaned back in her chair and scrutinized the Mermaid. ¡°Hmmm, yes, delicate, but also complex. And since it''s made of perishable materials it also has an innate rarity. I would give it nine points.¡± She nodded at Jack. Jack also examined the dress. ¡°A clever use of common materials. And the weaving of the grasses isn¡¯t too bad either. A strong start for Mr Eaup¨¦ril. Eight points from me.¡± The leaf wrapped Mermaid model did another turn on the stage. The audience whispered to themselves in appreciation. ¡°Looks flammable.¡± Platina sneered. ¡°But whatever, ten points. Let¡¯s get this over with.¡± The Mermaid maiden made a modest bow and marched mincingly back to her mark next to Chance. Ash tried his best to contain his panic from his position on the other side of the stage. ¡°Is that what we¡¯re supposed to do? Summon clothes directly onto people?¡± ¡°It is the nature of fashion contests.¡± Penny said. ¡°That looks like it might actually take talent. I¡¯m not going to be able to pull that off. I¡¯ll try to summon something and then you change into it. Will that work?¡± ¡°I can try a quickchange.¡± Penny chewed her lip. Lady Starling¡¯s voice boomed out over the crowd. ¡°And now for the next contestant. Will you please present your choice of clothing.¡± ¡°Burn it all! There¡¯s no time to prepare.¡± Ash held a hand out at Penny. ¡°Hold on. I¡¯m going to try and imitate what he did.¡± ¡°Wait! How should I pose!?¡± Penny tried to hold her arms out away from her body. *Siz-Zap*Thud* There was a semi-formal explosion on Ash¡¯s side of the stage. Penny was suddenly enveloped in a pile of satin fabric. Different clothes covered her in different directions making her look like a mis-stuffed sausage. Penny did her best to waddle out the center of the stage. The three judges waited a moment as their confusion cultured into curiosity. The Orchid Keeper spoke up. ¡°And what is it that you are presenting?¡± Penny shifted back and forth on her feet. ¡°It¡¯s an evening dress?¡± It was difficult to tell where one outfit began and another one ended. A mauve princess dress was wrapped around her upper torso while a blue deep v neck dress was slotted over her left leg. Her right leg was stuffed into the satin arm of the dress. There was a *Ripping* noise that reminded everyone present of the sound of a pillowcase tearing in half. Penny froze in place. ¡°... It was an evening dress.¡± Tattered cloth fragments rained down on the stage. Platina smirked. ¡°It was a safe bet to keep your regular clothes on.¡± The Orchid Keeper fluttered her fingers at the stage. ¡°Wardrobe malfunction. A technical foul resulting in zero points awarded this round.¡± ¡°Round one is over! Everyone back to your corners.¡± Lady Starling announced. # ¡°Did you intend for that to happen? For all of those clothes to appear at the same time?¡± Penny peeled the last few scraps of satin off of her thighs. Ash¡¯s mouth twitched. ¡°I expected it. As for what I intended, well, let¡¯s say we were both disappointed.¡± Luke rubbed Ash¡¯s shoulders. ¡°It¡¯s all right. You¡¯ll do better this round. I¡¯m going to check on my father. I¡¯ll be back in a bit.¡± Ash frowned. ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask Luke, did your father agree to this knowing that my summons are trash and that he could use that against me?¡± Luke grimaced. ¡°Honestly, I don¡¯t think that he even remembers about your summoning ¡®quirk¡¯. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s paying any attention to you. My father doesn¡¯t consider you a threat.¡± ¡°You really know how to make me feel better right now don¡¯t you.¡± Luke hopped down off of the stage and snuck back to the other side. ¡°Alright, I need to figure out what I¡¯m going to summon for round two.¡± Ash said to himself. ¡°Maybe you can summon something more neatly this time. Something I can try to put on afterwards. That last one really made a mess.¡± Penny said.A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°Made a mess huh?¡± Ash rubbed his chin. # ¡°What to do this round? What to do this round?¡± Chance paced back and forth. He looked over at Luke. ¡°Luke, mon fils, you do something with bugs don¡¯t you?¡± Luke looked up and held his gaze. ¡°I received instruction from a Master of Entomology, yes.¡± ¡°Entomologie? Bugs right? Yes, yes, I have an idea. Something to keep the audience on their toes.¡± Chance smiled. ¡°Bring me one of my traveling trunks. I have what I need inside.¡± He looked over at the Mendicant Mermaid. The Mendicant Mermaid had stripped off the grass dress from earlier and was frantically rubbing an antihistamine cream onto her red thighs. ¡°And I¡¯ll need a new model.¡± Chance frowned. # The lights of the Convention Hall played over the audience. Lady Starling stepped out on stage. The lights focused on her. ¡°It is time for round two!¡± She shouted. ¡°The challenger will now present first. Are you ready young man?¡± ¡°We¡¯re almost ready.¡± Ash announced. He finished pulling a bonnet over Penny¡¯s hair. ¡°Okay. Are you ready?¡± Penny nodded. ¡°Yes. This outfit feels like it will at least not fall apart this time.¡± ¡°Great. It¡¯s your stage now.¡± Ash kicked a pile of stray clothing pieces off of the stage. Penny strutted out into the center of the arena. She was dressed about 85% franzes maid and about 13% foundry worker. She had on a black dress with white lace trim with matching striped gloves. A white bonnet held her hair back and on top of everything a heavy canvas apron was belted around her waist. Jack nodded his head. ¡°I see. A classic working uniform. Seven points.¡± The Orchid Keeper smirked. ¡°What is she supposed to be?¡± ¡°She¡¯s a maid.¡± Ash said. ¡°Why is her apron covered in soot?¡± The Orchid Keeper sneered. ¡°Because that¡¯s what an apron looks like!¡± ¡°A blacksmith¡¯s apron maybe. A maid shouldn¡¯t be dirty.¡± ¡°Who do you¡­ what are you even talking about?¡± Ash pressed his fingers into his forehead. ¡°Is that really what maids dress like in the provinces?¡± ¡°Sure. My grandfather had all of his secretaries dress like that.¡± Jack said. The Orchid Keeper straightened one of her gloves. ¡°Maids don¡¯t dress like that in the city. Or anywhere else really. Zero points.¡± ¡°Oh, nevermind then. Two points.¡± Jack frowned. *Cha-Sneeze* ¡°Ugh, I think that grass skirt from earlier irritated my sinuses.¡± Platina pinched her nose and blinked her eyes several times. ¡°The apron is fine, the rest of it sucks. Zero points.¡± *Cha-Sneeze* Ash paced at the edge of the stage. ¡°What are they talking about? That¡¯s a perfect recreation of a maid¡¯s uniform.¡± One of the lace trim pieces fell off and dragged on the stage. Penny rushed out of the spotlight as stitching on her apron started to dissolve. ¡°You summon a lot of material but it doesn¡¯t hold up very well.¡± Penny said to Ash. ¡°I know. We are really working against the clock on this stage.¡± Lady Starling pointed to the other side of the arena. ¡°And now for the defender¡¯s second showing!¡± Chance stepped onto the edge of the stage. He untied his cape and let it fall behind him into the darkness. ¡°It is not enough to simply be incroyable. To merely be a man that is absolutely the best at summoning fashion. One must also be an artiste. One must be a visionary. Now please, enjoy, a d¨¦monstration of my haute couture. The latest in ¡®mode animali¨¨re¡¯. I present to you the V¨ºtements d¡¯Armadillidiidae!¡± A Mascot Merman took to the stage. His seashells and sequined skirt had been replaced by a thin black jumpsuit. *Tic*Tic*Tic* The Merman¡¯s arms, legs, and chest were now covered with layers of ceramic plates. The plates curved around his arms and shoulders and were attached so that the upper plates overlapped the lower plates like roof tiles. *Tic*Tic*Tic* The ceramic clothing clattered with every step. On his head the Merman also wore a ceramic helmet with two small antennae that protruded off of the front. The Mendicant Mermaid looked over the edge of the stage. ¡°I don¡¯t speak franzes. What is an arma-dil-day?¡± Luke leaned over to speak with her. ¡°It¡¯s a woodlouse. He means pill bug.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right everyone. A set of clothing made from ceramic. Feel free to marvel at my supreme skill.¡± Chance preened. On the other side of the Convention Hall Ash¡¯s face was red with anger. ¡°That¡¯s the stupidest thing that I¡¯ve ever seen. That costume doesn¡¯t even have a segmented carapace! And there¡¯s no cephalothorax. He¡¯s only wearing a bucket on his head!¡± Chance waved at the audience but spoke at Ash. ¡°It¡¯s fine. It¡¯s only a bug.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you ¡®it¡¯s fine¡¯ me old man.¡± ¡°I¡¯m only in my thirties.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t really summon that! There is no way that you could pull something so complicated!¡± ¡°I summoned the underclothes. It still counts.¡± Ash spun his head around. ¡°That can¡¯t be legal, can it? What are the judges saying?¡± Jack gave a thumbs up from the judge¡¯s bench. ¡°An interesting use of ceramics. And a fine representation of a bug. Seven points.¡± ¡°You know nothing about insects Jack!¡± Ash shouted from across the stage. ¡°Eight points!¡± The Orchid Keeper interlaced her fingers. ¡°Even if the ceramics were summoned ahead of time, the attachment to the underclothing is still a mark of quality tailoring. Eight points from me as well.¡± Platina leaned back in her chair. ¡°Eight points, let¡¯s hurry this up.¡± # High above on the catwalks, Bede directed the rigging personnel. ¡°Good keep the lights focused just off the stage. I want the whole Convention Hall to be able to see all the participants. The process is part of the show after all.¡± He turned to another worker. ¡°You! Make sure to sweep your light into the audience after every exchange. That burst of light wakes them up and keeps the adrenaline high.¡± Bede leaned over a safety rail and scanned the stage below. ¡°Oh they¡¯re really getting into it now. This is great stuff. Vance! Do you remember where I keep my folio of colored gels? You know. The transparent sheets that we use to change the color of the lights.¡± Vance joined him at the rail. ¡°Of course I do. Theater equipment is about the only thing that you can keep organized.¡± ¡°Good. Go get it for me. I¡¯m going to set a mood.¡± # Ash collapsed against the proscenium. ¡°What¡¯s the point? They clap for anything as long as it has that braggart farts on it first.¡± He pulled at his sleeve. Penny pulled the bonnet off of her head. The roar of the audience was deafening. The glare of the lights on the stage was blinding. At the center of the stage, at the center of the hall, at the center of the city, Chance waved and smiled. Penny shifted her weight from one foot to another, then back, then again. ¡°Do you really want to win?¡± She asked. ¡°Yes. Of course I do.¡± ¡°Then you need to try.¡± ¡°I am trying! I¡­ I have a condition.¡± Ash sputtered. ¡°I¡¯m not talking about that. What I mean is that you need to try to win. Right now you¡¯re only trying not to embarrass yourself.¡± Penny put her palms together. ¡°I¡¯m not, I¡¯m not embarrassed.¡± Ash didn¡¯t look her in the eye. ¡°Do you want to be a hero?¡± ¡°I am a hero!¡± ¡°Well you¡¯re not acting like it. Listen, I don¡¯t know what your situation is, but fashion is all about presentation. It¡¯s the second thing people notice about you.¡± Penny pointed at Ash¡¯s clothing. ¡°Right now you¡¯re trying to present yourself as Constanine Grimager. Well Constanine Grimager never gave up. He was a hero (historically). He fought a manticore!¡± ¡°I fought a manticore!¡± ¡°That¡¯s the spirit! That¡¯s exactly what a hero would say. And if you want to be the hero right now you need to put aside your ego. Put aside your ego, and focus on their egos.¡± Pull 87 3 of 4 ¡°So your father is the Cr¨¦ateurgo?t master.¡± Said the Orchid Keeper. ¡°That¡¯s right. He apparently is.¡± Luke nodded his head. ¡°You¡¯re so lucky. You must live such a charmed life. I bet you can have anything that you want.¡± Luke shrugged his shoulders. ¡°I know how it is. High status comes with high expectations. It¡¯s always, ¡®You have to be better than everyone else¡¯, and ¡®Don¡¯t take any prisoners¡¯, ¡®Give no mercy and expect none in kind.¡¯ On and on and on.¡± The Orchid Keeper made a flapping motion with her hand. ¡°Family can be so annoying. So where do you live?¡± Luke put a hand on his cheek. ¡°Well I was recently staying in the Capital.¡± ¡°Really? I live in the Capital? What area do you live in?¡± ¡°Uh, close to the, uh, center?¡± Luke said. ¡°Ah! But Luke was originally from Star Town. Isn¡¯t that right Luke?¡± Jack leaned over on the bench that the judges were sitting on and put an arm around Luke¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Luke and I go way back. We¡¯ve known each other for a long time. We went to school together. Isn¡¯t that right?¡± Jack didn¡¯t wait for an answer. ¡°That¡¯s right! Lots of big, important people coming from Star Town. Yep!¡± Jack pulled Luke in closer for a whisper. Luke raised an eyebrow. Jack hissed. # Ash scowled as he stared at the judge¡¯s bench. ¡°Jack¡¯s easy. He¡¯s a craftsman at heart. The Guard, Plaster-something, she¡¯s disinterested, more practical. But that fancy girl¡­¡± Ash scrutinized Bellfrey. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that she¡¯s antagonistic on principle. Not sure what to do about that. How do you even deal with a person like that?¡± Ash said without a single thread of introspection. Penny stretched her hamstrings. ¡°Get the other two. We can use peer pressure to get her. If she thinks that the other two have reevaluated you then she will reevaluate you as well.¡± ¡°I can try my best. But my best isn¡¯t very good. It¡¯s hard to explain, but it¡¯s always crap.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Ash tilted his head. Penny¡¯s eye made a hard line at the other side of the stage. ¡°Not today at least. I came here to get on this stage and to showcase our competition into the floor. I don¡¯t care what I¡¯m wearing, I¡¯m going to set the streets of this city on fire.¡± Ash smirked. He looked down. ¡°Why do you have socks stuffed in your boots?¡± ¡°The boots are hand me downs. They¡¯re sentimental. But they don¡¯t really fit so I had to give them a little adjustment.¡± ¡°Adjustment huh?¡± Ash played with one of the zippers on his jacket. A curious smile formed at the edge of his mouth. # ¡°This is no small alteration we¡¯re talking about here.¡± Tears were streaming down Alli¡¯s face. ¡°The craftsman ship! The attention to detail! The quality of the stone¡­ how could have let this happen!?¡± Gilt looked down at his feet and rubbed his thumbs together. ¡°Well, it was an accident.¡± Alli, Gilt, and the Daedal Keyboardist were standing in the middle of a huge atelier beneath the Ocean¡¯s Bounty. The room was filled with long tables used to display fine goods such as gold necklaces, porcelain vases, and velvet coats. Craftsmen took turns using magnifying glasses and calipers to examine the variety of treasures on display. Clerks took notes and made detailed drawings of the goods that were examined. Floor to ceiling steel shelves held all the extra valuables that were not currently being appraised. Along the walls were huge freight elevators guarded by stern looking security personnel with clipboards and truncheons. Alli, Gilt, and the Daedal Keyboardist crowded around a wagon that had been wheeled into the atelier. A stunning statue was swaddled by straw in the back of the wagon. Also Jonathan Reference was there too for some reason. ¡°You accidentally shot the nose off of one of the finest statues I¡¯ve ever seen!?¡± Alli sneered. ¡°It wasn¡¯t my fault.¡± Gilt whined. Alli turned to face him. Her eyes were sharp and her voice even, despite the tears running down her cheeks. ¡°I bet you say that a lot.¡± Alli shifted her glasses and brought one of her long sleeves up to dry her face. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine how we could fix this. This sort of work is irreplaceable.¡± The Daedal Keyboardist examined a sheaf of papers in their hands. ¡°No chance of summoning a duplicate. The quality would be obviously inferior.¡± They looked over their shoulder at a line of smaller statues sitting on the table. Each one was misshapen in some way. ¡°We have the finest duplicators in the Kingdom, probably the whole world. But this¡­¡± The Daedal Keyboardist let out a *Whistle*. ¡°Gold and grief, I don¡¯t think there¡¯s anyone that could copy this.¡± The Keyboardist tapped their fingers on the table in a comforting pattern. ¡°Maybe we could summon a similar material. A small bust perhaps? Then chisel down the excess until we have a replacement nose.¡± Alli blanched. ¡°We are not trading one work of art for another. Our purpose here is art preservation.¡± ¡°I thought it was counterfeiting.¡± ¡°They don''t have to be mutually exclusive.¡± Alli dried her eyes again. ¡°Sounds like an expensive restoration.¡± Jonathan Reference leaned over and examined the statue. ¡°How can you think of money at a time like this? We¡¯re looking at a one of a kind work of art. The cultural value of a work like this is inestimable.¡± Alli pointed at the statue. ¡°It¡¯s criminal to let a work of art such as this be, so molested.¡± Tears formed at the corners of Alli¡¯s eyes again. She turned to the Daedal Keyboardist. ¡°We need to get a panic team on this right away. Call all the Craftsmen we have in the city. We will need to have them meet so that we can form an action plan.¡± ¡°We¡¯re already expecting second shifts for the Tournament.¡± The Keyboardist rubbed their forehead. ¡°What about the cost?¡± Jonathan raised an eyebrow. ¡°I have access to Lady Chamber¡¯s discretionary fund.¡± The silver charms on her wrists jangled. ¡°We can use that to cover the costs until the next quarter.¡± Gilt pulled his arms behind his back. ¡°So all of these craftsmen and resources. When do you think that they will be assembled?¡± ¡°We should have everything ready in five days or so.¡± said the Daedal Keyboardist ¡°Right in time for the Hundred Aught Hundred Ought Tournament.¡± Alli nodded. ¡°Interesting.¡± ¡°Interesting.¡± Gilt and Jonathan said at the same time. The two men looked at each other, frowned, then faced the other way. ¡°By the way, who are you?¡± Alli said to Jonathan. ¡°Pause, pause, pause. I¡¯m no one suspicious.¡± Jonathan Reference pulled his shoulders back, spread his arms wide, and put on a winning smile. (Despite what you may be thinking right now, most of the time when he said that, people believed him.) ¡°I got lost on my way to the prize vendor. I was taking some time admiring all the really nice things you have down here. All the leftover prizes from the preliminary rounds of the tournament, right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± ¡°Wonderful. How nice to see them stored in one convenient location. But I should really get going. In fact, I think I see someone that can guide me out of here. Excuse me, over here. I need to get back to the Convention Hall.¡± Jonathan waved at a Guard and started jogging across the room.The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. As Jonathan walked out of the room he passed someone leaning against the wall wearing a polar bear costume. The head of the bear costume turned towards him, and he felt a moment of alarm. But he didn¡¯t let it break his stride and hurried out of the room. Jonathan and the guard left the Craft Works atelier. In the hallway outside they were grabbed by the shoulders and dragged into an alcove. ¡°What are you doing? You¡¯re drawing too much attention.¡± Privati hissed at the two of them. Jonathan adjusted the buckle of his belt. ¡°That¡¯s kind of the point. I¡¯m getting around. I¡¯m being friendly and making friends. People are less suspicious of their friends.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way that will work.¡± ¡°We¡¯re friends, aren¡¯t we Privati?¡± ¡°We are work associates. Really, I shouldn¡¯t associate with you at all. That is what will prevent suspicion. And who is that?¡± Privati pointed at Nick who was wearing the Guard uniform. ¡°He¡¯s my escort, or my disciple if you prefer.¡± said Jonathan. Jonathan slapped Nick on the shoulder. The Guard¡¯s breastplate that Nick was wearing rattled on his loose frame. ¡°The Guard doesn¡¯t question you when you¡¯re already being escorted by one.¡± ¡°Keep your focus Reference. We still have a lot to do. I¡¯ve made arrangements for your entrance.¡± ¡°Do tell.¡± ¡°Alli will keep a door open at the dock. As long as you¡¯re wearing a uniform she will wave you through. Then it¡¯s only a few meters to the freight elevator station. You can use that to get to the vault floors.¡± ¡°And after we clear out the vault we make a clean getaway. We will even have a Guard escort.¡± Jonathan slapped Nick again. ¡°That¡¯s right sir. I¡¯ve already scouted out the vehicle pool as you requested.¡± Nick said. ¡°Good lad.¡± Jonathan smiled. Privati picked up a roll of nylon. ¡°Good. Now I have to go take care of, a thing. Make sure that you¡¯re all set up for the tournament.¡± ¡°We will.¡± Jonathan waved to Privati as she walked away. Nick waved as well as soon as he saw Jonathan doing it. Jonathan reference pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket. ¡°Here you go Nick. You¡¯re going to be a Guard for a few more days so here is a set of Guard keys.¡± Nick took the keys and tried to jam them into one of his pockets. ¡°Remember, five extra carriages for the good loot. We¡¯ll load Meeker¡¯s carriages with the basic goods and then take the good stuff for ourselves.¡± ¡°Got it boss.¡± ¡°You¡¯re so good at taking orders Nick. You would have made a fine Guardsman.¡± # ¡°Hello, I¡¯m looking for a scrivener.¡± Ted¡¯s head poked around the corner of the kitchen. The Thimbletopped Gourmet waved a hand at him. ¡°Oh good. Another pair of hands. Here, take this prosciutto-wrapped cantaloupe and deliver it for me.¡± Ted looked down at the platter that was thrust into his hands. ¡°I¡¯m not sure I have time for this. I really do need to find someone to copy some forms for me.¡± The Thimbletopped Gourmet nodded his head without listening. ¡°Sure, sure, whatever you need to do to make ends meet. Now order up and deliver that tray. Let¡¯s go!¡± ¡°Well, it would be rude not to help.¡± Ted shrugged. # ¡°And now, for what I am sure will be the third and final round of this competition¡­¡± Chance stepped out on the stage and smirked to the audience. ¡°Another wondrous creation of my unparalleled talent. A robe d''oiseau.¡± Chance bowed and the Mendicant Mermaid stepped out on stage. She was wearing what appeared to be a luxurious fur trimmed dress. But the appearance was deceiving. (Of course it was.) Instead of fur the fluffy ruffles that curved around her neck and sides were created from long white tail feathers that had been woven together like reeds into a lattice structure. The many interlocking tail feathers resembled a downy coat of fur. But at the same time all of the quill tips of the feathers pointed inward at the person wearing the dress. The Mendicant Mermaid made multiple moves on stage with tears building at the corners of her eyes. (Every now and then a tiny tuft of bird based protein drifted up and away from the dress giving it an enchanting aura of shimmering sparkles under the stage lights.) ¡°Another incredible presentation Mr Eaup¨¦ril. I give it eight points.¡± said Bellfrey. ¡°Another remarkable showing of craftsmanship. I also give it eight points.¡± said Jack. ¡°Another terrible day for my allergies.¡± Platina sniffed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. ¡°No points, and someone get me a handkerchief. Where is Nevre when I need him? Is this contest over yet?¡± Chance¡¯s smirk soured at Platina¡¯s words but he kept his composure. ¡°I think we are just about done. Yes I can see the younger Sifter boy coming on stage now. What has he prepared to compete with me this time? And, oh no, oh yes, are those cargo pants? What a display!¡± Ash and Penny moved to the center of the arena. Penny was dressed in a pair of splotchy canvas pants that had large obvious zippers right below the knees. Folded pockets were sewn into the legs of the pants on both sides. An assortment of oils and dirts decorated the hems of the pants. Ash crossed his arms. ¡°Hey! Shut up! They¡¯re not only cargo pants. They¡¯re also cargo shorts. Show him Penny.¡± Penny crouched down and pulled across a zipper located below her knees. The bottom half of the pant leg slipped free. Penny held up the loose cloth for the audience to see. Chance chuckled. ¡°How very thoughtful of you Nash. You decided to save everyone some trouble and made your clothes more efficiently disposable. Ha ha.¡± The audience laughed as well. Who wouldn¡¯t? What does it matter that a grown man is insulting a teenage boy in public. That kid must be a jerk after all. Over at the judge¡¯s table Bellfrey the Orchid Keeper made idle conversation with Jack. ¡°Is that a double overlock on your vest?¡± she asked. ¡°It¡¯s a stretch overlock actually. But that was a good guess.¡± said Jack. ¡°Are those ivory buttons on your jacket?¡± ¡°Hardly. Ivory is impractical. They¡¯re bone.¡± ¡°You prefer bone?¡± ¡°My Grandfather is a Craftsmaster so I know how it works. An ivory tusk is just a big tooth. Why should we settle for an external bone when an internal bone can have a much higher purity of material.¡± ¡°You make a good point.¡± ¡°What about your buttons?¡± ¡°They¡¯re white jade.¡± Jack *Whistled* in appreciation. ¡°Those are very nice. And the color is a perfect compliment to your dress¡¯ fabric.¡± ¡°Am I interrupting something?¡± Ash stood at the edge of the stage in front of the other two. ¡°Not at all. You can keep doing what you were doing. Three points.¡± Bellfrey didn¡¯t even glance up. ¡°You didn¡¯t even look.¡± Ash shouted. The Orchid Keeper rotated to scan Ash¡¯s costume. ¡°Two points. Take the pity next time.¡± ¡°And what¡¯s that on your pants?¡± Platina squinted her eyes at Ash. Ash looked down. A streak of white liquid ran down the inside of his right thigh. ¡°Ah! When did that!?¡± Ash tried to tug his waistband in a panic. ¡°Oh shit, that was, it was yogurt! It was yogurt from earlier. It¡¯s yogurt. Luke. Luke! Tell them it was yogurt. Crap, he can¡¯t hear me. I¡¯m telling you I spilled something, that¡¯s all it was.¡± Ash ran back across the stage while furiously rubbing at his inner thigh. Platina rolled her head back to look at Penny. ¡°Wasn¡¯t this supposed to be a competition? Those are only pants with a few extra pockets.¡± She stretched her bare legs out from under the table. ¡°I can hardly see the point. Who needs that much carry space?¡± ¡°They¡¯re practical.¡± Ash shouted. ¡°They¡¯re childish.¡± ¡°They seemed like a good idea at the time.¡± Ash sank down at the edge of the stage and put his head in his hands. Jack frowned. ¡°And why are your pants so dirty? Your summoning skill has always been trash Ash, but didn¡¯t you even attempt to clean them?¡± Ash thumped his fish on the stage. ¡°We tried. They resist any kind of cleaning. We tried spraying them with water but it didn¡¯t work.¡± ¡°Are they vinyl or latex?¡± Jack sat up. ¡°No. They¡¯re fabric.¡± ¡°They¡¯re fabric? Water¡­ proof fabric. That¡¯s incredible. How did you summon that Ash?¡± ¡°I assure you it was not intentional.¡± Now Platina scooted forward in her chair. ¡°Are they really waterproof?¡± ¡°Uh, sure.¡± ¡°Spray them with some water.¡± Ash looked at Penny. Penny shrugged onstage, then nodded. Ash held up a hand. *Zap* A magic circle briefly appeared and then a burst of muddy water sprayed across Penny¡¯s lower half. Dirty water soaked the stage. But when it hit the cargo pants that Penny was wearing it only beaded up and dripped down onto the ground. ¡°They¡¯re not only resistant, the fabric is actually repelling the water. Now try some foam.¡± Ash held up his hand again. Foam sprayed from his fingers making another mess on the stage. Penny lifted her legs and displayed her once again, dirty yet dry pants. Jack twisted one of the bone buttons on his jacket. ¡°Look at how flexible that fabric is. Can you imagine a coat made from that? Or maybe a tent.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t have to worry about spilling anything on my skirts when I¡¯m eating in the carriage.¡± Platina smiled. ¡°That has to be worth at least seven points.¡± Jack clapped his hands once. ¡°Yeah, no argument from me. I also give it seven points.¡± Ash pressed his nose against the floor. ¡°Ugh. As usual, my mistakes are more valuable than my successes.¡± ¡°Ash!¡± Penny snapped. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Ash, that¡¯s sixteen points.¡± ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°That means you didn¡¯t lose this round.¡± ¡°That means I do what?¡± Ash blinked. ¡°That can¡¯t be right.¡± ¡°It means this round is a tie.¡± ¡°It means what!?¡± On the other side of the arena Chance Eaup¨¦ril¡¯s head spun around so fast you could hear his neck bones *Pop*. ¡°That! That¡¯s, can¡¯t be possible. I demand a recount!¡± Lady Starling straightened her back in the center of the stage. ¡°All scores are final Mr Eaup¨¦ril. It looks like this competition will need to proceed to a fourth round.¡± A rumbling grumbling of bumbling mumbling ran through the audience. ¡°Booo¡­¡± ¡°Not fair.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way that Eaup¨¦ril lost that.¡± Ash held out his arms and glared at the people seated in the stand behind him. ¡°What¡¯s the matter? Don¡¯t like it when your silky smooth fashion master faces a little competition, huh?¡± ¡°You suck¡­¡± Someone shouted. ¡°You suck!¡± Ash shouted back. Chance stomped a foot. ¡°How dare you Ash. This is an enlightened competition dedicated to the spirit of fashion. And yet here you are cheating and summoning nonsensical and utterly blas¨¦ v¨ºtements in an attempt to beat me on technicalities. Shame on you, young man, shame on you.¡± ¡°Now you remember my name. That''s fine. Go ahead and turn your attention on me. I''m a jaded seventeen year old boy. There''s nothing a faker like you could say to bother me.¡± ¡°How is your mother Ash?¡± ¡°You shut your filthy mouth old man!¡± There was a rumble grumbling in the audience and a mounting shouting on the stage. Lady Starling pointed her chin up and swept her eyes over the seating rows of the Convention Hall. ¡°Everyone quiet down. The competition will continue.¡± Roll 88 Bet ¡°What a shame. Look at me Plinth. I trained for years, you know. And yet, here I am, slicing fruit. Like some kind ah street bee.¡± Cophin balanced a knife between two fingers and tapped the handle on a nearby table. *Tap*Tap*Tap* Plinth held up a pineapple in his hands. ¡°It¡¯s not so bad. Think of it as an opportunity to keep your skills sharp. Now order up!¡± (@)<<< Plinth tossed the pineapple into the air. With a deft maneuver Cophin juggled the knife once, cutting the crown off of the fruit in one slice. (@) - - - <<< As the knife landed back in his hand, he spun, making a series of quick diagonal cuts. (/@/)/ The pineapple landed on a nearby table and dissected itself into a row of professionally sliced rings. () @ () The crowd assembled in the private box applauded. Cophin smirk-smiled as best he could. ¡°Thank you. Thank you. I¡¯m so glad ta have an audience that¡¯s so easily impressed.¡± A server stepped up and gathered the pineapple slices to be distributed to the attendees. Jonathan Reference slid back into the room. He clapped as he walked over to Cophin. ¡°Impressive. So you¡¯re more than just a pretty face.¡± The scar at the corner of Cophin¡¯s mouth twitched. ¡°You stepped out right quick. Did you need ta polish your belt buckle or something?¡± Jonathan stepped past Cophin and looked over the railing into the center of the Convention Hall. ¡°Oh, looks like things are starting to get interesting in there. They¡¯ve made it all the way to the fourth round.¡± Plinth looked over also. ¡°How impulsive.¡± Jonathan put an elbow on the railing and turned to the other two men. ¡°Care to make a wager?¡± Cophin and Plinth looked at each other. ¡°A wager?¡± ¡°Sure. This is a gambling house after all. What have you got to lose?¡± ¡°What do we have to lose? What is it you want?¡± Plinth tilted his head back. ¡°How about we play for¡­ a table reservation for tonight.¡± ¡°At our restaurant?¡± ¡°No. At his.¡± Jonathan pointed a finger at Lux. Cophin frowned. ¡°That¡¯s not really-¡± ¡°Deal.¡± Plinth held out a hand. Jonathan shook it. ¡°And now for the real question. Who will you be betting on? Will you select the experienced crafter and his team of talented assistants? Or will you choose the upstart young lad who looks like he wants to spit in the Dark Eye itself.¡± Cophin and Plinth looked over the railing at the stage below. ¡°I choose the boy.¡± said Plinth. ¡°Not a smart wager. The match is already half over. There¡¯s no way he can win.¡±This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. ¡°Not every gamble is about winning and losing.¡± Plinth smiled. Jonathan looked confused. ¡°And you?¡± Jonathan turned to Cophin. Cophin sneered. ¡°No bet from me. I don¡¯t like ta play childish games.¡± ¡°Too bad. You could have split your bet and wagered on the fashion crafter. That would have blocked me from total victory. But as it is, I shall take the wager you refused and bet on Master Eaup¨¦ril. Now let¡¯s see how things play out.¡± Across the room Councilor A ate some pineapple off of a toothpick. ¡°Did they ever finish that competition?¡± ¡°No. They¡¯re still going.¡± Jonathan shouted back. ¡°Really? Perhaps I should take a look.¡± ¡°For tha love of peat.¡± Cophin threw his head back and looked at the ceiling. ¡°Alright. Hey! Everyone! You ever see someone skin a grape in mid-air.¡± # ¡°He must be cheating.¡± Chance spoke to the falcon that was perched on his wrist. ¡°There¡¯s no other explanation for it.¡± The falcon blinked its golden eyes and nuzzled against Chance¡¯s hand. ¡°He could have gotten lucky.¡± said the Mendicant Mermaid as she rubbed some aloe onto her red rashed shoulders. ¡°Not a chance. That Sifter boy is a walking disaster. He lives in the woods. He smells like pine needles. He is dressed like Constantine Grimager! He wouldn¡¯t know fashion from a dead fish.¡± Luke took a single step towards his father. ¡°Ash summoned something useful.¡± ¡°Even a broken clock can catch the hour once a day. That does not make it useful.¡± Luke frowned. ¡°I think that-¡± Chance cut him off. ¡°Now if you want to be useful, hold Beck.¡± Chance held out his arm and the falcon hopped onto Luke¡¯s shoulder. Luke froze in place as the bird¡¯s talons gripped the fabric of his jacket. One of the falcon¡¯s golden eyes stared directly into Luke¡¯s face. The bird began to slowly extend its pinions and move its wings up and down. The feathers tickled the side of Luke¡¯s face and he flinched back. ¡°Relax son. He¡¯s only stretching his wings.¡± Chance didn¡¯t look back. He glanced across the stage at where Ash was standing next to Penny. ¡°I''m not going to lose to some amateur theater student.¡° The Mendicant Mermaid looked up. ¡°What¡¯s the problem? You can¡¯t lose. Even if he won the next two rounds it would still only be a tie.¡± Chance frowned. ¡°Open the case. Get that piece.¡± ¡°Are you sure sir?¡± ¡°It''s not summoned. That would be cheating.¡± said one of the assistants. Chance pointed his chin at them. ¡°What would really be cheating, is cheating these people out of their rightfully deserved expectations of me demonstrating how I am the most accomplished fashion designer in the entire Kingdom. Now are you going to stand there and disappoint this whole auditorium or are you going to do what I say?¡± The assistant looked down. ¡°I¡­ I''ll get the case.¡± # ¡°So what should we display next?¡± Penny asked. ¡°I have no idea. I never thought we would make it this far. I was ready to give up after round two.¡± Ash said. ¡°I know. I was there.¡± ¡°Help me dig through the pile. You were right. We need to play to the judges. If we can find something with practical utility we might be able to sway Jack and Platina.¡± ¡°Practical, practical¡­¡± Penny shuffled through the huge pile of clothes that Ash had summoned on the the side of the stage. ¡°It would help if I knew what I was looking for.¡± ¡°It would really help if I knew what I was going to summon, but we don¡¯t have time to wish. We¡¯re going to have to work with what dropped for us today. What about these? Wooden sandals?¡± Ash held up a cobbling of wooden footwear. ¡°I have sensitive feet.¡± Penny replied. ¡°How about this? An umbrella that you wear on your head like a hat.¡± ¡°No. Our last item was waterproof. That is nowhere near as impressive.¡± ¡°A velcro belt?¡± ¡°Fingerless gloves?¡± ¡°How about these pants with chair legs attached to the butt?¡± ¡°Maybe this jacket with a portable writing desk sewn into the front?¡± Ash ran his hands through hair. ¡°You would think after all these years I would no longer be surprised that the things I summon are total crap, but here I am still holding out hope.¡± Penny held up a scarf that had been tied into a gordian knot. ¡°This is kind of exciting.¡± Ash looked sideways at her. ¡°Is it really?¡± ¡°Oh yes. I¡¯m normally very lucky. I was sure that I would meet Master Eaup¨¦ril when I came to the Gambling Hall today. And I did. Then I was sure that when he called me down onstage that I would see him win the competition. And he probably will. But for some reason I was teamed up with you.¡± Penny casually played with the ends of the scarf. ¡°And now we¡¯re struggling for the chance to simply, not lose. It is kind of exciting.¡± ¡°Screw it!¡± Ash held out his hands. *Zap* Random articles of clothing rained down around them. ¡°Grab whatever you can carry. We¡¯ll try to sell it on the stage.¡± Roll 89 ¡°Round Four! Begin!¡± The lights focused on Penny as she walked out on stage. She was wearing her original clothes this time. In her hand she held a cane. The shaft of the cane was a traditional cylinder of wood, but the top of the cane was a large metal rectangle with square handles. The crowd waited expectantly for something to happen. Penny stood the cane in the center of the stage. Then she unfolded the square handles of the cane creating a small flat shelf on the top. She turned around, and gently sat on the shelf. Ash whispered to himself on the sidelines. ¡°So it¡¯s a cane?¡± Bellfrey scratched her head. ¡°This is a multipurpose walking cane.¡± Penny said. ¡°More like a one legged stool.¡± Jack said. ¡°More like a portable butt warmer.¡± Platina scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s practical!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°Does that even count as fashion?¡± Bellfrey smirked. Jack crossed his legs. ¡°Technically, I guess. A cane can be worn when not in use. Although this one has a secondary function making it, always in use, so, I guess.¡± ¡°It still looks tacky. One point.¡± Bellfrey waved a hand. Jack shrugged. ¡°Five points. It has some general use. Even if its design is uninteresting.¡± ¡°No style, no class, no sitting on your ass.¡± Platina shouted. ¡°I only give it one point out of pity.¡± Penny picked up the cane and walked back off stage. ¡°Okay. So only seven points. Not the best result, but it¡¯s still something.¡± Ash put his head in his hands. ¡°Good show. Good effort. We came further than I ever thought we would. Thanks for trying your best Penny.¡± # The stage was flooded with light. Chance stood at the edge of the audience seating. He held up a hand for attention. ¡°A pr¨¦sentation sp¨¦ciale. Something that only a few people in the entire Kingdom have ever witnessed. The pinnacle of material fashion. I give you¡­ the Glass Weave.¡± The Mendicant Mermaid strode out on stage, her arms held open wide at her sides. She was dressed in a simple seamless undergarment with her hair tied back. As she reached the center of the stage she performed a few turns. The whole audience waited for something, anything, to happen. Nothing did. A drop of sweat rolled down Chance¡¯s forehead and darkened the red collar of his cloak. ¡°It is *Ahem* a transparent fabric. You, uh, should be able to see a shimmer of light and color as she moves.¡± Chance gestured at the model. The Mendicant Mermaid waved her arms left and right. Nothing happened onstage. She waved her arms some more. Nothing continued to happen. The Mendicant Mermaid looked back at Chance and shrugged. From somewhere high in the audience setting someone could be heard shouting. ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡± Chance sputtered onstage. ¡°What? You, what? This is the Glass Weave! The most exquisite measure of fabric in the known world. Wars have been fought for this.¡± ¡°Which ones?¡± ¡°Metaphorical wars have been fought for this!¡± # ¡°Should we put some more lights on the model in the center?¡± The Chalkdusted Illuminator asked from overhead. ¡°We put the down-lights on her. It¡¯s fine.¡± Bede waved a hand. ¡°She seems to be dancing around. Maybe we should add some side-lights?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t bother. There¡¯s nothing to illuminate as far as I can see. But, put some more lights on Mr Eaup¨¦ril over there.¡± ¡°I think that man is having an emotional boilover right on stage.¡± Vance looked over the catwalk. ¡°I know.¡± Bede smiled. ¡°Let¡¯s light him up for everyone to see.¡± # ¡°I don¡¯t have to explain myself to you people! This is craftsmanship so far above your station you can barely comprehend it!¡± Chance shouted. Jack half rose out of his seat. ¡°Is that the glass weave? I¡¯ve always wanted to see it for myself. May I come onstage and examine it?¡± Chance blinked some sweat away as the overhead lights beamed down on him. ¡°You absolutely may not! Keep your greasy fingers away from the pinnacle of fashion.¡± ¡°I see.¡± Jack frowned. ¡°Then I only award you two points for the presumption of the pinnacle of fashion.¡± ¡°Boring.¡± Platina leaned back in her chair. ¡°Zero points.¡± ¡°I hate to agree but she¡¯s right. You have managed to present something even more uninteresting than a stick. Zero points.¡± Bellfrey smirked. Ash and Chance both *Slammed* their fists into the stage at the same time. ¡°Are you kidding me?¡± ¡°Are you kidding me!¡± They shouted in unison. Lady Starling walked to the center of the arena. ¡°In another surprise upset, this round goes to the young Mr Sifter. The score now stands at 2 to 1 and 1 draw. We will proceed, to a fifth and final round.¡± Penny grabbed Ash by the shoulders and shook him like a sticky ketchup bottle. ¡°Ash! Ash, we won one.¡± ¡°I can see that.¡± Ash flailed. ¡°How do you feel about a tie Ash?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t enjoy the idea that I would be seen as equal to Mr Eaup¨¦ril, but I think he would like it even less to be seen as equal to me. Let¡¯s do it.¡± # Chance stomped at the edge of the stage. ¡°This is absurde!¡± He took off his cape and hurled it into the audience. ¡°Those dirt farmers were rolling their eyes at clothing made out of the glass weave. The GLASS WEAVE of all things! Can you imagine!? It¡¯s the pinnacle of taste. No one who is unworthy can even see it! I bet these imbeciles would even stick out their tongues at the legendary water cloth.¡± The Mendicant Mermaid looked up at him. ¡°Are you going to summon the legendary water cloth sir?¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t about me! This is about respect, and destiny, and¡­¡± Chance slowly turned his head. He looked at Luke. ¡°This isn¡¯t about me at all¡­ # Jack walked over from the judges table and put his arm around Ash¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Ash, can you get me a table tonight? At that restaurant that you work at.¡± ¡°You want me to get you a table?¡± Ash grimaced. ¡°Why should I?¡± ¡°I gave you five points.¡± ¡°No, I''m not getting you a table.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because I hate you.¡± ¡°That''s not a reason. That''s only an emotion.¡± Ash twisted his lip. ¡°Huh, I don''t have a good response to that. Fine. But I¡¯ll need to get permission from our head chef. And there is no way that he will say yes.¡± Ash smirked. ¡°Great. You can do it Ash. I believe in you.¡± ¡°No you don¡¯t.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± Jack shouted as he hustled back to the judge¡¯s table. Penny adjusted the stuffing in her shoes. ¡°Any good ideas about what to summon for the final round?¡± Ash yawned. ¡°I haven¡¯t had any good ideas since I woke up this morning. But we¡¯re on a winning streak with impressing the judges using utilitarian clothes instead of fashionable ones.¡± Ash looked down at the selection of summon gems that were sitting on a table beside him. He idly ran the tips of his fingers over the facets of a glittering red stone. ¡°If I could only summon something really incredible- What is he doing?¡± Ash and Penny turned towards the stage to see Chance dragging Luke up and into the center of the Convention Hall. Chance was waving at the audience. ¡°That¡¯s right everyone. I¡¯m such an incredible designer that my talents have even passed on to my son. That¡¯s why I¡¯m going to let him complete the final round of this competition.¡± # ¡°As I told you, lighting design doesn¡¯t qualify as an art form.¡± Vance crossed his arms. Bede gritted his teeth. ¡°And as I told you, illumination is the foundation of all artistic expression. Art literally needs to be seen to be appreciated.¡± ¡°Music doesn¡¯t. Poetry doesn¡¯t.¡± Vance thrust out his chin. ¡°Why am I even having this conversation with you? You refuse to even approach an understandable definition of art in the first place. You have the cultural sense of a sinkhole. You consume but never create.¡± Vance straightened his sleeves. ¡°Bold talk coming from the man too cowardly to ever go on stage himself.¡± Bede¡¯s fingers curled into fists. ¡°You want to talk cowardice? You would know all about that. If I was your family I would have left abandoned too.¡± Bede did not make eye contact as he said the last part. Vance had never thrown a punch in his life, but as a child he had thrown a good number of snowballs, and as a toddler he had thrown an impressive number of tantrums. So when he threw the box of colored gems sheets and hit Bede square in the face it dealt very little damage, but the box did explode and rain semi-transparent sheets across the catwalk. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°You toilet stain!¡± Bede pulled his arm back. Bede had thrown a punch before, when he was a child. It had been years since he had to do his own fighting. Also his legs were asleep from being crouched down on the catwalks for so long. So when he stood up to deck Vance in the face, his arm went wide and wrapped around Vance¡¯s neck. The two boys tumbled to the catwalk with a loud *Crunch* and started wrestling. The rigging techs looked at each other and then reluctantly walked over to stop the fighting and pry the two young men apart. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I¡¯m fine! Vance¡¯s soft hands could barely swat a fly.¡± Bede dusted himself off as he was hoisted to his feet. Vance was also helped to his feet. ¡°You fight about as well as you direct.¡± he said. One of the techs pointed down at Bede¡¯s waist. ¡°Mr Chambers! You¡¯re injured.¡± Bede looked down. A crimson stain was slowly spreading across his abdomen and dripping from his jacket. ¡°Hot shit Vance, did you stab me?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t prove that I did.¡± Vance spit. ¡°Why is my blood so spicy?¡± Bede opened his jacket. The crushed bottle of hot sauce *Rustled* in his pocket. Liquid seeped through the fabric and down his leg. ¡°What else could go wrong?¡± # Platina leaned over the judges table. ¡°He¡¯s letting his son make the final piece. Is that even allowed?¡± Jack cracked his knuckles. ¡°It¡¯s a technicality. If the summoner is a member of an Artificer¡¯s workshop then he can have a protege summon for him. According to the Guild charter it¡¯s seen as an extension of the master¡¯s skill and tutelage. So it is allowed by the rules.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you are really going to allow this Jack!¡± Ash shouted. ¡°It¡¯s the rules.¡± Jack shouted back. ¡°Screw the rules.¡± ¡°How dare you-¡± A single drop of hot sauce fell down and landed on Jack¡¯s eyelid. Jack blinked. Then he immediately doubled over and clutched his face. ¡°Ah! Oh! Eh! It burns. Quickly, I need some water!¡± Platina casually reached over the table and picked up a green gemstone. She pointed it at Jack. A pressurized stream of water exploded out from the magic circle that appeared in front of her and hit him right in the face. Jack was toppled over the judges table and into the aisle between the audience seating. Chance and Luke took their places at the center of the Convention Hall. Chance pulled Luke¡¯s face around and stared directly into his eyes. ¡°Luke, you want to make me happy don¡¯t you?¡± Luke wanted to blink but couldn¡¯t. ¡°I do.¡± Ash clawed his way onto the stage. ¡°Luke, don¡¯t you do it!¡± He looked around and grabbed one of the random summon gems that was put out on a tray for the competition. Penny jumped up, but her boot twisted. She sprawled out on stage a pace behind Ash. Luke looked past his father, into the middle distance. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Ash. I want to.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you summon the best costume for him!¡± Ash scrambled to get to the stage. Luke closed his eyes. ¡°It¡¯s never been my choice before.¡± Electricity ran through the crowd, literally. Like the charge in the air before a bolt of lightning strikes, the audience felt a surge of energy course through them and surge towards the stage. This charge built up around Luke, refracting the light around him into the eighth color of the rainbow. The energy began to coalesce. It surrounded Luke like a shimmering nimbus. Ash gripped the gem in his hand. Sparks of magical energy crackled around Ash¡¯s fingers. ¡°Not this time! For once in my life I¡¯m going to-¡± # (Half a city away.) ¡°Ave, have you seen Tripillli anywhere?¡± Tasha asked. ¡°You lost him?¡± Ave looked around. ¡°No. But he is very small and sneaky. Check under your shoes.¡± # Ash felt a tickle under his armpit. He slapped his side with a free hand. The tickle moved to his lower back. ¡°Ah! Oh. Ehe-oh-hoh!¡± Ash tried desperately to maintain his concentration. Penny stood up. ¡°Ash are you okay?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve, Ah, got to, Oh!¡± Ash gripped his sides. The stage was struck by purple/green lightning that passed through time and space, also roofs and floors, thankfully for the participants on stage it also passed through organic matter. As the light cleaned the audience uncovered their eyes. In the middle of the stage there was a horse. But not like a real horse. A horse-horse. A horse both more real and less real than a horse should be. As the audience watched, the horse began to move. But not like a real horse. The front part and the back part shifted independently from each other, legs kicking in different directions. The crowd then watched in horror as the middle of the horse began to twist itself in half. The middle part of the horse¡¯s torso bisected itself and split in two, but not like a real horse. Chance leaned back and adjusted the back half of the horse costume that he was wearing. ¡°What am I? What is this?¡± Two arms reached out of the front half of the costume and Luke pulled the horse head part of the costume off of his own head. ¡°Did it work?¡± Luke slumped over. Chance looked around. ¡°This is, this is¡­ unbelievable!¡± He held his arms up in triumph. Lights swirled around Chance and Luke onstage. A rain of colored gels showered down on them like confetti. ¡°Ha ha ha! There is no contest. This is the ultimate costume. The two person horse! No one else in the world could have even conceived of this. My son is a genius. Since he is my son, that is by extension, my victory!¡± The audience started cheering. Platina and Bellfrey politely clapped. # Councilor A turned his head toward the stage as he heard the lightning strike. He frowned. ¡°Now it really does sound like there is something exciting happening out there. I¡¯m going to have a quick look.¡± On the other side of the VIP box Plinth held a grape between two fingers. ¡°Come on Cophin we need to hurry up.¡± Cophin pulled his arm back and balanced a knife in his hand. ¡°I need complete focus for this. Give me a second.¡± ¡°And here we go-!¡± Plinth tossed the grape into the air. (Dammit!) Cophin launched the knife. The blade spiraled through the air. ¡°Excuse me, is there a scrivener in here? I¡¯m looking for someone that can copy official forms.¡± Ted opened the door and took a step into the Councilor¡¯s private box. *Thunk* The knife arched down and buried itself four centimeters into the meaty part of Ted¡¯s thigh. The Convention Hall erupted in thunderous applause. Jonathan put down a canape he was about to eat. ¡°Yikes¡­¡± He said in surprise. Everyone else was speechless. Ted looked down at the knife embedded in his leg. ¡°Is that a knife?¡± he asked. Ted reached down. He wrapped his palm around the handle. With a smooth motion like removing a lollipop from its wrapper he plucked the knife out of his leg. There was a sudden *Plurp*Plop*Plurp* of blood coating his leg and discoloring his pants. Ted looked up at the other people in the room. ¡°Oh¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have pulled it out should I?¡± Ted pitched forward and collapsed on the floor. The room fell into chaos. People shouting over each other. One of the Guards threw his body over the Councilor, another one picked up a serving mermaid that had fainted. Cophin and Plinth elbowed their way through the crowd to reach Ted¡¯s side. Cophin shoved a Guard out of the way. ¡°Out of my way. Everyone relax! This is not tha first time I¡¯ve stabbed a child.¡± # Ash peeled a sheet of gelatine off of his face. ¡°What happened? Did it work?¡± ¡°Ash?¡± Penny squeaked. Ash looked behind him. Penny was collapsed on the stage. A pair of metal braces were wrapped around her shins and ankles. The metal braces were made from concentric circles of bronze linked together in parallel groups running down the length of her calves. At her ankles there was a larger spur that extended out from the brace. An apple sized bronze wheel was attached to the end of the spur, large enough to touch the ground while she was standing. Penny looked down at the metal straps attached to her legs. ¡°What are these?¡± Ash crouched down next to her. ¡°Well, uh, they¡¯re some kind of clothes I guess. Are you okay?¡± Ash reached out a hand. Penny tried to stand up. ¡°Ah.¡± Her face flushed. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°I have sensitive feet.¡± ¡°Can you stand?¡± ¡°Hold on, let me see.¡± Penny tried to get to her feet. The little wheels on the bottom of her legs kept getting in the way. Ash held her hand as she stood up, but the wheels made her slide around like she was standing on ice. A purple spark snapped off the wheels. ¡°Ash. Ash! They¡¯re moving!¡± Penny shouted. ¡°What?¡± Ash and Penny tried their best to remain standing but the wheels had an intent beyond reason or explanation. As the wheels rolled forward on their own Penny dropped back onto the stage. ¡°How do I stop them?¡± ¡°I have no idea!¡± Ash shouted. The wheels kept moving and Penny was dragged feet first across the floor into the center of the stage. Ash threw himself down and grabbed onto Penny¡¯s wrists. The wheels didn¡¯t care, and the two of them slowly slid over the polished surface. As they were dragged across the stage their path pulled them right in front of Chance and Luke. As Ash passed by Chance and Luke, Chance looked down at him. ¡°Better luck next time enfant.¡± Chance puckered his lips. ¡°You steaming sack of shi-¡± Another drop of hot sauce splashed down and hit Ash in the eye. His cries of pain were drowned out by the thunderous applause of the crowd in the Convention Hall. The magically motivated wheels moved Ash and Penny across the entire stage and finished their work by dumping the two of them into the aisle between the audience seating. As they lay there on the side of the stage Tripillli crawled out from under Ash¡¯s clothes. The crustacean skittered over to Penny and began to feel the material of her deerskin boots with its segmented legs. ¡°...oh yes. This is nice¡­¡± <{¡®~¡¯}> # ¡°I can¡¯t feel my toes. Should I be able to feel my toes?¡± Ted was stretched out over a dining cart. His leg was swaddled with a large towel. ¡°Try to relax, this is not the first time I¡¯ve seen someone get stabbed.¡± Plinth wiped sweat away from Ted¡¯s forehead and held up a tiny bottle. ¡°Here, drink this. It¡¯s a basic clotting potion. Let¡¯s stop that bleeding first.¡± Cophin stood on the other side and took Ted¡¯s pulse. ¡°Sorry for tha stabb¡¯n kid. I was aiming at the, you know what, it¡¯s not important.¡± Councilor A finished his wine and looked sideways at Ted. ¡°Can you drag him out into the hallway? I don¡¯t want him to die in my private box.¡± Ted turned his blood drained face towards the Councilor. ¡°It¡¯s so nice to meet you sir. I know it may not look like it right now, but I¡¯m actually a Mayoral Aid. It¡¯s a pleasure to be in the presence of one of the White Council.¡± Ted held out a blood soaked hand. # Lady house sat alone in her viewing box at the highest level of the Convention Hall. A shimmering orb hung in the air in front of her. The orb showed a hazy image of Vance and Bede arguing with each other on the catwalks above the stage. House tapped a fingernail against her chin and *Sighed*. She waved a hand. The orb vanished, melting into a puddle of water that splashed onto the table. Champ Letterman bumbled his way back into the viewing box. ¡°I brought some towels back. Huh? I guess I spilled a lot more than I thought I did.¡± # Angel surveyed the Convention Hall. ¡°This is why I don¡¯t take breaks.¡± Her mouth worked itself into a tight line. ¡°Is everything alright?¡± Nevre asked. ¡°Yeah, yeah, nothing you can help with. Why don¡¯t you head back to your post.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± Nevre turned and shuffled away towards one of the elevators. ¡°Nevre!¡± ¡°Hmm?¡± ¡°Keep your schedule open this evening.¡± Nevre gave a defeated nod. ¡°It¡¯s not as if anyone else would ever ask for my company.¡± The two parted. Angel walked down the aisle to the edge of the stage. ¡°Sign it! Sign it already you pifter!¡± At the edge of the stage Jack was clinging to Chance''s legs. A sheet of paper was in his hand. The boy¡¯s face was red and sweaty. One eye was swollen shut. Chance was trying to pry the boy off of his pants. ¡°Let go of me already. The competition is over. I have fans that need to bask in my presence.¡± ¡°Not until you sign it.¡± ¡°Are you that desperate for an autograph? Fine. Give me that paper.¡± Jack shoved a fountain pen in Chance¡¯s hand. ¡°That¡¯s right. There on the dotted line.¡± Chance finished signing the paper and kicked Jack off of his leg. Jack shoved the paper into this jacket. Angel looked to her left. Luke was passed out on stage with one arm dangling over the side. Ash and Penny were sitting against the side of the proscenium. Ash¡¯s face was also red and swollen. Penny was sprawled out on the ground with her legs propped up on her bedroll. She was trying to figure out how to remove two large metal braces attached to her lower legs. Ash looked up at Angel with one swollen red eye. ¡°Hello again.¡± Angel put her hands on her hips. ¡°We have to stop meeting like this.¡± She shifted her shoulders and felt the weight of the axe on her back. ¡°I agree.¡± Ash¡¯s eyes were watering and his nose was running. He used a free hand to wipe mucus from his top lip, then tried to clean his hand by rubbing it over the seafoam green carpet of the Convention Hall. Angel rolled her eyes, then reached down and lifted Ash up by his belt. She looked over at Penny. ¡°Do you know these idiots?¡± Angel asked. Ash shook his head. ¡°Yes. Sort of.¡± Penny replied. Ash whispered. Angel nodded. She reached down and grabbed Penny before tossing her over her left shoulder. Penny let out a little *Squeak*. Angel started walking around the stage. As she passed by Luke she lifted him over her other shoulder and kept walking. Finally she reached up and took hold of one of Jack¡¯s legs. Jack looked around in confusion. ¡°Hey! What¡¯s happening now? Unhand me. I have to get back to the private box seats right away.¡± ¡°Sure, sure, let me just clean up the stage really quick.¡± Angel walked to the corner of the Convention Hall carrying the four of them. In the corner of the room a giant ceramic turtle had been sculpted into the wall. Angel used the tip of her shoe to tap one of the turtle¡¯s flippers. *Kachunk*Clank*Clank* The turtle¡¯s shell slid to the side and revealed a long chute that tilted down into the darkness. Jack flailed. ¡°Hey what are you? I am a guest of the-¡± Angel wasted no time flipping the four of them into the metal tube. ¡°Thank you for attending the Ocean¡¯s Bounty Fabulous Fashion Convention. If you would like more information on upcoming events be sure to sign up for our newsletter. If you would like information on tickets and pricing please visit the box office during regular hours. If you would like to make a complaint¡­¡± ¡­Angel¡¯s voice faded away. Roll 90 Chute 2: Sewer Boogaloo One sticky arm flung itself up and over the edge of the culvert. Ash heaved himself up. Sewer mites danced around his head and heels. ¡°I don¡¯t care whenever, wherever, and whatever else happens. I am sure-as-shoe-polish not getting tossed down that chute again!¡± Ash climbed out of the culvert. He turned around to help Jack, Penny, and Luke out after him. Jack and Ash helped Penny remove the metal braces from her legs and stash them in her bedroll. Luke sprawled out face up on the pavement next to the drain. ¡°What happened to you guys?¡± Ash turned around. Tasha and Ave were standing in the street. Ave held Eins in her arms. The dog¡¯s fur was freshly washed and permed. Ash slumped against a nearby lamppost and rubbed his face. ¡°Nothing too exciting. Another beautiful day in Kaseihgaeu. By the way, you dropped this.¡± Ash underhand tossed Tripillli to Tasha. ¡°Tripillli, there you are. He didn¡¯t cause any trouble did he?¡± Tasha picked some dirt off of the crustacean¡¯s shell. Tripillli uncurled and wiggled in her hands. ¡°No, no, his was the least of our betrayals today.¡± Ash looked over at Luke. Luke was laid out on the pavement next to the culvert. He stared into the sky. Ash sat down next to Penny. ¡°So how did you, observation go today?¡± Ave scratched Eins. ¡°Not great. We lost track of Angel after we followed her into a salon.¡± ¡°Did you not follow her inside?¡± Ash asked. ¡°No, we did.¡± Tasha answered. Jack stomped his boots to clear some of the sewer trash off of them. ¡°Well I wish I could sympathize with whatever misery Ash has brought on himself and everyone else around him, but things are going great for me.¡± He ran his fingers through the silver streak of hair at his temple. ¡°I got him.¡± Ash looked up at him. ¡°Got who.¡± ¡°Luke¡¯s father. After chasing that scofflaw halfway across the Kingdom I finally have the paperwork to foreclose on that eyesore of a mansion that Mr Eaup¨¦ril built with all of Luke¡¯s money. With this writ I can-¡± Jack patted his pocket. ¡°Oh crap! Where is it?¡± Jack frantically slapped his jacket and pants. His face paled. With a desperate howl he leapt back into the culvert and started shifting trash left and right with both hands. ¡°Crap! Crap! Crap! Not after so long. We finally had him after all these years.¡± ¡°Looking for this?¡± Luke held up a slip of paper. Jack froze, sewer juice dripping from his fingers. ¡°Oh thank goodness. You found it. If I lost that I don¡¯t think-¡± ¡°It¡¯s useless.¡± Luke squinted at the paper in his hand. ¡°What?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a binding signature.¡± Jack walked over and grabbed the sheet. ¡°Don¡¯t try to defend him. I know that you¡¯re used to giving him whatever he wants, but there¡¯s no dodging the law this time. I got him to sign-¡± Tasha leaned over Jack¡¯s shoulder and looked at the signature on the paper. ¡°Who in the world is Dance Magic Dan?¡± If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°That steaming sack of shi-!¡± ¡°What happened ta you guys?¡± The current group looked up. Cophin and Plinth were walking down the road away from the Ocean¡¯s Bounty with Ted. Each of them had an arm around Ted¡¯s shoulder as the young boy limped down the street. Ted''s pants were ripped apart and a bandage was tied around his thigh. Cophin had a towel tucked into his belt dangling out over his crotch. Lux walked three and one half steps behind the others. Jack dropped the paper from his hands and ran over to them. ¡°Holy horseshoes Ted! What happened to you?¡± ¡°I got stabbed.¡± Ted replied. ¡°Who stabbed you?¡± ¡°It all happened so fast.¡± Ted looked at the ground. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°I actually feel great.¡± Ted smiled. Plinth nodded. ¡°That¡¯s your adrenaline. Deep tissue repair kicks the endocrine system into overcharge. Those healing potions I gave you are going to make you feel good today, but you¡¯re going to be exhausted tomorrow. Here eat this. You need lots of fiber and protein.¡± He handed Ted a snackbar. ¡°We need to get you to an Alchemist.¡± Jack shouted. ¡°He¡¯s already seen one.¡± Cophin jerked his thumb at Plinth. Jack nodded his head to Plinth. ¡°Oh, yes, good, thank you then, for that.¡± Jack took one of Ted¡¯s hands and helped him sit down on a bench by the sidewalk. Ash examined Cophin with his good eye. ¡°What happened to you Cophin? Your pants are all wet.¡± ¡°Oh sure, ya notice that!¡± Cophin grimaced. ¡°If you must know I was trying to wash up after stopping Ted¡¯s leg from bleeding and I got soap all over my pants. Tha vip bathroom in the Ocean¡¯s Bounty has one of those pnuemo powered soap dispensers and it ejaculated all over my clothes.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say it like that Cophin.¡± Plinth frowned. ¡°It¡¯s what happened!¡± Cophin turned to Ash. ¡°What about you?¡± Ash rubbed his face. ¡°Something sprayed itself in my face. I didn¡¯t get a good look. I think it might have been Beck talking a piss on my head.¡± Cophin¡¯s entire face twisted in disgust. ¡°Who?¡± Luke shrugged. ¡°Beck is a bird. My father¡¯s bird. He can be, aggressive with strangers. Or¡­ anyone really.¡± ¡°And the reason you lot are crawling out of a culvert again?¡± Plinth asked. ¡°We both won and lost a Guild contest.¡± Penny spoke up. ¡°At the same time?¡± Plinth blinked. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Ash and Luke said at the same time. ¡°I see.¡± Plinth tilted his head. ¡°What happened to you guys?¡± All assembled turned to see Bede and Privati standing at the edge of the gathering near the culvert. Jack looked around. ¡°Who are you talking to, because there are a lot of things happening at the same time and-¡± Privati held up a hand. ¡°We don¡¯t really care.¡± ¡°What was that?¡± Privati snapped. ¡°Nothing.¡± Jack turned back to Ted. Bede pushed past Cophin and Plinth. ¡°The rest of you keep your problems to yourselves. We¡¯re really only here for him.¡± He pointed at Luke. Luke pointed at himself. ¡°Me?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Privati pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. ¡°We are here on official business.¡± Luke glanced at Ash. ¡°Did uh, did the Guard say something that-¡± ¡°Hah!¡± Privati snorted. ¡°As if we would ever trust the Guard with a task more difficult than sweeping the grass in the gardens. No, we are here to render your invitation.¡± ¡°My invitation?¡± Bede tilted his head. ¡°Is there sewer water in your ears? Yes, your invitation. Every grand winner of the Ocean¡¯s Bounty is treated to a victor¡¯s dinner after their competition. And your victory in the Convention Hall today¡­¡± Bede trailed off. ¡°Qualifies.¡± Privati tapped one of her heels. ¡°And since you won a Guild accredited contest we are here, as the official gambling hall patron services ambassadors to see to the delivery of your victory dinner.¡± ¡°Neat.¡± Luke didn¡¯t get up. Bede rolled his eyes. ¡°Normally we have a table reserved at the finest restaurant in town.¡± Lux nodded. ¡°It¡¯s true. Lady House is very punctual when it comes to making her reservations.¡± Privati put a hand on her hip. ¡°But seeing as how this was an improvised competition we may have to settle for a less popular location.¡± Ash leaned over and spoke out of the side of his mouth to Plinth. ¡°Hey Plinth, I promised someone a table for dinner. How would you feel about adding some extra seats to the restaurant tonight?¡± Plinth smiled. ¡°I think that could be arranged.¡± Meanwhile 10 Game Knight ¡°For the love of Eictor! Let me roll a two or higher!¡± *Rolls* ¡°Ahh! Crap on a cracker, these dice hate me!¡± Paladin Peppermint picked up her game piece and moved it one space forward on the cardboard game board that was situated on the table in front of her. Paladin Spearmint, seated to her right, adjusted her glasses. ¡°You owe me three bushels of turnips and two goats as taxes.¡± ¡°Those are my last two goats!¡± ¡°And now I am taking them. Those are the rules.¡± Paladin Peppermint frowned as deep a frown as her face could possibly manage. She picked up three wooden blocks that represented turnips, and two wooden blocks that represented goats, from behind her paper screen and passed them to the woman on her right. ¡°Here you go. Steal my last two goats. You had better take good care of them. You already have all the others.¡± Paladin Spearmint put a hand over a huge pile of wooden goats that were sitting behind her paper screen. ¡°Goats are the lifeblood of commerce in a game like this. You should remember that next time. Now if you are all done, it is the next player¡¯s turn.¡± Paladin Wintermint *Rolled* the die in front of him and moved his player piece three spaces. ¡°Three spaces.¡± Paladin Spearmint said. ¡°Now do you want to build, buy, or play?¡± ¡°Build¡± Paladin Wintermint said. ¡°I pay three stone to add the third piece to my tower.¡± He handed over three stone pieces and then placed a third wooden cone on the stack of two cones in front of him. Paladin Peppermint shoved her elbows on the table. ¡°You¡¯re already at your third cone!? How did you do that already?¡± Paladin Wintermint shrugged. ¡°I try to think three moves ahead. That way when my turn comes around I always know what I¡¯m doing.¡± ¡°I would love to do that. But someone keeps stealing all of my goats!¡± Paladin Peppermint angry-pouted at the woman seated next to her. ¡°He built his third cone so he gets nine points. Next player.¡± said Paladin Spearmint without looking at anyone else. *Rolls* ¡°Uhh¡­ hmmm.¡± Paladin Applemint paused. Paladin Spearmint looked over her screen. ¡°You¡¯ve landed on a trade space. Would you like to buy, sell, or trade?¡± A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Paladin Applemint chewed her finger and fidgeted in her chair. She stared at the set of cards in her hand. ¡°Uhh¡­ I will trade.¡± ¡°Fantastic. I will give you three turnips for all of your timber.¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± Paladin Peppermint leaned across the table. ¡°Don¡¯t do it! Turnips aren¡¯t worth as much as wood. She doesn¡¯t need anymore wood! She¡¯s too far ahead.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tell her how to play. She can make up her own mind about her trades.¡± Paladin Spearmint insisted. ¡°But fine. I will throw in two stone on top of that. What do you say? You can use the stone to build your first tower piece. Unless someone else has a better offer?¡± The other players looked down at their paper screens and said nothing. ¡°Well?¡± ¡°Okay¡­ I¡¯ll trade.¡± The two players exchanged tiny wooden tokens with each other. Paladin Applemint smiled. ¡°I build my first tower level.¡± She placed a tiny wooden cone in front of the paper screen on her side of the table. ¡°Very good. Now it is my turn.¡± Paladin Spearmint picked up the die. *Rolls* ¡°I roll a four.¡± ¡°Haha! That¡¯s my territory. Now you owe me taxes.¡± Paladin Peppermint rubbed her hands together. ¡°Then I use my treasure token to reroll.¡± ¡°No fair!¡± *ReRolls* ¡°I get a six and move onto a dungeon space, giving me another treasure token.¡± ¡°This is bullcrap!¡± ¡°During my action phase I will choose to build with my newly acquired wood. I add another fence to complete my seventh pasture improvement. That scores me seven points. Then I add my Agriculture Secretary bonus, increasing my score by three. And lastly I activate a grazing combo, gaining an additional three points per goat in my duchy, bringing my final total to thirty one points.¡± Paladin Peppermint collapsed on the table. ¡°Nooo¡­ *Sniff*. Those were my goats. *Sniff*¡± Gilt Hommage kicked in the door to the storage room. He looked at the four others seated around a small table in the middle of the storeroom. ¡°Good work today everyone. No one in this town suspects a thing.¡± Gilt tossed a bag of jingling coins onto the table. Wooden tokens were sent flying all over the place. ¡°You all can start counting the day¡¯s take.¡± ¡°The game!¡± Paladin Peppermint shouted. ¡°It¡¯s fine. It was almost over anyway.¡± Paladin Spearmint opened the bag and started dropping pennies into paper sleeves. Paladin Wintermint sighed. ¡°Our business selling snowcones is so profitable. It¡¯s almost a shame to have to give it up so we can complete the heist of the century.¡± Gilt pulled out his magic sword and started polishing the blade. ¡°It is a shame. But it is not our place to question Eictor¡¯s wisdom. Our Gods give grace unevenly and some people are just naturally less fortunate than others. Having our perfect statue damaged by random happenstance was enshadowed weal. It provided the perfect opportunity to infiltrate the Ocean¡¯s Bounty so that we could locate their vaults.¡± Paladin Peppermint smiled. ¡°That¡¯s right. And in a few days all those gemstones will be liberated from those prideful ingrates and placed in our far more deserving hands.¡± Everyone in the room nodded in agreement. Only Paladin Applemint remained stoically motionless. The door to the storage room clicked open and a woman wearing a green bandana walked inside. ¡°There you are, Lamb. Where have you been?¡± Gilt Homage asked. The Peach Basket Bandit pulled off her hat and placed it onto a hook next to the door. ¡°Nowhere boss. Just walking around. Getting a feel for the city.¡± Lamb answered.