《LONG WAY TO LIVE》 How should I live my life? part 1
8 a.m., struggling as a teenager in high school, I find myself waiting alone, sitting alone, and talking to no one. It''s the usual¡ªno good mornings for me, no hellos, not even a glance. They simply pretend I''m not here, and it works because, day by day, I''ve become more and more invisible. I don''t understand what''s wrong with me. If I crave attention, why don''t I go and seek it? It''s not difficult; even children know how to make friends. My social skills seem to be lacking; maybe I was born without them, or perhaps I lost them along the way. I feel more akin to a sociopath, with no intention to harm anyone but rather driven by a fear of being hurt by others. One day, I tied my hair differently, so I received a compliment from a guy who suggested I should do it more often. However, days later, he asked me for my homework, wanting to copy it. It dawned on me that I didn''t look pretty; I just looked less intimidating, so he took advantage of the situation. I excel in my studies, so some try to take advantage of me, but because I''m difficult to deal with, they lose interest. If someone befriends you only for personal gain, it''s not a true friendship; it''s merely a transaction¡ªyou rid yourself of loneliness, and in return, they get what they want. They are all selfish and stupid, and they only think about themselves. As an intelligent person, I envy those with wealth and beauty. If asked about my future aspirations, I would say I want to become someone like Mariana, a pretty, wealthy, and popular girl who happens to be a classmate of mine and my complete opposite. Every time she enters the class, I fix my eyes on her, hoping to learn some of her techniques for winning the hearts of both girls and boys. She doesn''t offer them anything; they just like her, and who wouldn''t? She''s an angel. She helps them without them asking, and she doesn''t mind if they use her. In fact, her authority is based on that. Perhaps this is how kings gain power too¡ªby earning people''s love through small, kind gestures, causing them to be willing to die for them. However, the "bad girls" hate her out of jealousy, thinking she''s pretending and doesn''t deserve all that love. But that''s another thing I admire about her. I wish I had enemies like she does¡ªgirls who are jealous of me and hate me simply because I am all that they cannot be. Having haters means you''re successful in something. However, all people feel toward me is indifference. Suddenly, the teacher approached me and pulled me out of my thoughts, asking, ''''Nermin, I looked for participants in the public speaking competition, and I didn''t find your name. Aren''t you going to participate?'''' I respond, ''No, I''m not.'' The teacher questioned, ''But didn''t you get a full mark on the English test last time?'' I replied, ''Yes, I did.'' English literature wasn''t my favorite subject, so I struggled to achieve high marks, but last time, I tried harder, surprising the teacher with my paper. The teacher suggests, ''If you''re not interested, why don''t you help your classmate who is participating?'' I inquired, ''Classmate? Who?'' The teacher responded, ''Mariana. She also excelled in the last exam, so I asked her to participate.'' Even the teacher favors her more. I bet he wishes for her to be the top student, but I''m standing in the way of his wishful thinking. However, to have the audacity to ask me to help her surpass me is too much for me not to feel angry and resentful. I replied, ''Of course I will help my classmate. I didn''t know she was interested in such a competition. Why didn''t she tell me?'' The teacher suggested, ''Maybe you should change your attitude a little and try to get along with the others.'' I forced a smile, feeling foolish. What is he trying to say? Is it my fault? Anyway, it''s nice of you to help her. I look forward to your final work, you two.'' he said, leaving me with great anger and a deep sense of injustice. I lost myself. I feel sad when I walk down the street and think about how I used to have a friend who walked with me for years. But after she left, I became this lonely, boring soul. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.My mom works a lot, and my dad doesn''t understand me; I don''t have any siblings or cousins, and I''m used to being alone, but I never like it. I don''t have any money to enter any kind of institution or sports club, and I don''t have anyone to share a movie night with. If loneliness was a person, it would be me. I entered the house and tried to find something to eat. I usually have milk after school to help get rid of my headache, but I didn''t find any today. So, I went out again to buy some. On my way back from the store, I saw a very nice sports car parked next to the house. It was the first time I''d seen a car like this, and it looked expensive. Typically, I only see those cars on TV during a world sportscar championship. Anyway, I walked next to the car and couldn''t see if there was someone inside because I couldn''t see through the windows. I took my keys out of my pocket to open the door. This is when someone got out of the car and said, "Nermin." I got confused. It was Mariana''s voice. I turned my face and saw her; she was standing next to the car, looking at me, and smiling. What the hell is she doing here? I hope she doesn''t invite herself to my house. I have nothing to offer, and my room needs some cleaning too. I panicked more when she started to walk and got closer to me. She stops in front of my face, grabs my hand, and walks me to the car. She opened the car''s door and told me to enter. I sat in the backseat, shocked and trying to process what was happening. Surprisingly, a young man appeared from the driver''s seat and said to me with his handsome face, "Hi, nice to meet you. I''m Mellor, but you can call me Melo." I forgot to breathe for a second; time stopped when he spoke, and I couldn''t say anything; I only stared at his incredibly handsome face. It''s not a crush; he''s too good for me. All I can say is that I thank God for creating such a face. Mariana entered the car slowly, and once she sat, her perfume smell filled the place. Melo started driving, and when we reached the highway, Mariana said, looking at me in the mirror, "Nermin, we''re going to my house. I need your help for the competition. Why didn''t you wait for me at school? I thought the teacher told you about it." "Yes, he did, but I forgot. Sorry about that," I replied. I couldn''t see her face, but I bet she was upset. She always gets special treatment from everyone at school, but not this time; she needs me if she wants to win. She took me by force to her house, so I couldn''t say no. She even came in this car with her rich friend to intimidate me and make me feel less than her. She was trying to convey that it''s my honor to help her, not the other way around. Her house is located on the other side of the town, in the area where rich people live. Their neighborhood looks so fancy that they have a security guard at the entrance. I gave him my ID so he could write my name on the record. There were cameras all over the place, so not even a fly could be here without their knowledge. I was in another world, a world filled with bullsh*t. We finally arrived at her house. It''s the most beautiful and fancy of all the houses I''ve seen here. I attempted to hide whatever was going on inside my head because I didn''t want to appear astonished. I come from a middle-class family, am not impoverished, and have had all that I needed. However, to her, I may appear frugal or, worse, envious. We entered the house, the three of us, but after the door was closed, the two of them disappeared. I simply took off my shoes and set them aside, but when I looked up, they were nowhere to be found. I called her name many times, raising my voice each time, but she didn''t respond. I considered heading back home, but I suspected there might not be a bus station in this area. Given that everyone seems to have their own car, and because I didn''t have money to take a taxi at that moment, I decided to enter the house and take a look around. To my surprise, I found no maids or housekeepers¡ªno one to talk to, just opulent decorations that gave the impression of being in a celebrity''s home. Every corner was meticulously adorned, including the stairs. Persian rugs adorned the floor; there were wall moldings, dark hardwood floors, vintage tableware, and all the trappings commonly found in homes of old money and generational wealth. Such homes often showcase specific interior design styles reflecting historical significance, personal preferences, and, of course, tradition.
How should I live my life? part 2 As I entered the kitchen, I couldn''t help but admire its beauty. But what caught my attention was the sight of a swimming pool in the backyard, which was visible through the kitchen''s back door. I stepped outside to take a closer look, and the sight of the water reflecting the blue sky was simply mesmerizing. As I watched from afar, I suddenly felt the urge to touch the water. I leaned forward and dipped my hand into the pool, and that''s when I noticed something moving beneath the surface. Gradually, it emerged closer to the surface, and before I knew it, it shot out of the water in a sudden and swift motion, scaring me to death. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest, and I instinctively clutched my chest in a protective stance, falling backward in the process and letting out a scream of terror. Moments later, the sound of laughter and giggles filled the air, and I realized that Marian was enjoying my frightened expression. After staring at her angrily for a full minute, she noticed me and stopped laughing, approaching me with a smile. "Did I scare you?" she asked playfully. I remained silent and stood up again. She added, ''Why all this seriousness? Relax a bit. "Is this your idea of relaxation?" I asked, frustrated. "When are we going to get to work on that speech?" "It''s still early," she replied nonchalantly. "Why don''t we have a little fun first?" She then stepped out of the pool, clad in revealing swimwear, and I couldn''t help but feel embarrassed, averting my gaze away from her. She placed a towel on herself and said, "I have swimwear that suits you if you want to swim a little." I replied, "No, I''m fine." Meanwhile, Melo reappeared holding a tray with cups of drinks in different colors. Marian was surprised and asked, "Why did you bring all these drinks?" He replied, "I didn''t know what she preferred, so I poured a glass of each type I found." I looked at them standing together, looking at me with their innocent faces and mocking smiles. I wondered why they were treating me as if I were their little acquaintance''s daughter. I approached and took a glass of water from among the drinks. I saw Marian nudging Melo and whispering, "I told you to bring drinks. What does a glass of water do among them?" He, looking embarrassed, replied, "It was for you. I remember you saying you were thirsty when we entered the house." Marian directed her words to me again, ignoring him: "Nermin, why don''t you change out of your uniform? I''ve prepared some comfortable clothes for you while you''re here." I responded, "No, I''m okay." "Don''t be like that. No need to be shy. If you want anything to feel at ease, just ask." "Who said I''m shy? All I want is to finish as quickly as possible so I can go back home." The smile disappeared from her face when I said that. She approached me slowly until her face met mine, looked into my eyes, and asked, "Nermin, have you ever tried swimming in your regular clothes?" Something in my reaction was enough for her to know the answer. and without wasting any time, she pushed me forcefully into the pool. I was caught aback and couldn''t stop myself from acting proudly; I didn''t even move my hands or feet to try to float or alert them that I was drowning. I didn''t know how to swim; my family hadn''t been to the sea since I was ten; and I didn''t attend swimming classes at school to avoid wearing swimsuits around others. All these thoughts passed through my head in a second, then fear and the idea of death took over. It''s not strange for her to kill me here, given her numerous connections; she could easily erase the evidence and make my death look like an accident. I continued to descend deeply, closed my eyes, and let myself go since I had no incentive to try to survive. Suddenly, someone grabbed me and pulled me towards him. I opened my eyes in surprise to know who it was, and it was Melo. He wasn''t looking at me; he was focused on getting me back to the surface quickly, not paying attention to where he was placing his hand. When we reached the surface and took our first breaths, we realized our situation. I found myself sitting on his arms, holding onto his broad shoulders. Just at that moment, he looked at me with his beautiful ocean eyes. Water droplets fell from his golden hair and long lashes. He breathed deeply from his mouth to the point that his warm breath reached my neck. I was very scared at that moment. I was scared of myself. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. He shifted his gaze away from me and headed towards the pool''s edge, where Marian stood holding a large towel. He lifted me to sit while she helped me stand. She wrapped the towel around me because I was shivering. Then she asked with concern, "Are you okay? I''m sorry, Nermin. I didn''t know you couldn''t swim. I just wanted to get you out of your serious face, nothing more." Melo stood beside her and added, "Don''t worry, Marian; nothing happened. She''s fine now." I felt disappointed. How could he speak on my behalf? Was he trying to console her or me? I couldn''t understand him. She said, "Let''s go to my room to change your wet clothes." The three of us climbed the stairs; she was on my right, and he was on my left, holding onto me so I wouldn''t fall. I was in the middle, wrapped in a towel that hindered my movement and vision. As soon as we entered the room, Marian asked Melo to bring her mother''s hairdryer. She gave me dry clothes and asked me to go to the bathroom to change. She had her own bathroom attached to her room, which looked like a suite in a five-star hotel. I forgot myself and looked around. Her bathroom was very clean and well organized. I already felt jealous of the number of cosmetics and personal care items she owned. Even if I combined mine and my parents'', it wouldn''t be half of what she had. I opened the drawers and found the hairdryer. I couldn''t think of a reason for her to send him other than wanting to give me some space to feel more comfortable. I woke up from those thoughts and tried to put on her clothes quickly so she wouldn''t notice that I took too long. When I came out of the bathroom, I found them standing in the same awkward pose. Marian said, "Wow, my clothes fit you well, don''t they, Melo?" When she asked him for his opinion, I looked towards him, unsure of what I was expecting. Did I wish for him to compliment me? I felt embarrassed by my thoughts and looked down, hoping they couldn''t read my mind. She added, "You''ll stay for dinner, right? Why don''t you call your mom and let her know?" At that moment, I felt intense anger. I felt like she was manipulating me like a chess piece following a plan. I spoke firmly, "Marian, I want to talk to you privately." When I said that, they looked at each other as if it was a signale. Melo said, as if remembered something, "Oh yes, I should get back now. I have something to take care of." Marian asked him, "Won''t you stay for dinner?" "No problem, next time." "Okay, thank you for today. Take care and drive safely." "don''t worry, give my greetings to your parents." "yeah.. you too" "Goodbye Nermin. It was nice meeting you ." "Thanks, you too." When he left the room, she sat on her bed, patting it as if inviting me to join her. But my rage worsened. "Listen, I''ll speak frankly because I don''t like these hint games," I said. For God''s sake, what are you trying to accomplish?" "What do you mean? Isn''t it obvious?" "No, it''s not obvious." Then, with a sarcastic chuckle, she remarked, as if speaking to herself but wanting me to hear, "It seems you''re not intelligent to that extent, then." " not intelligent? Do you want me to guess or what? What exactly are you¡ª? I mean, are you trying to be my friend?" "Yes, can''t I?" I answered without thinking "No, you can''t." She eventually stopped smiling, realizing I was offending her yet again. She stepped up and addressed me again, this time staring down on me and said, "Who do you think you are?" It seems what the girls said about you was true. You''re extremely arrogant, and you look down on everyone. Did you think I needed you to win this ridiculous competition? For your knowledge, I can employ better writers to produce a better speech than you can. But I asked the teacher to approach you for assistance because I thought it would be a good opportunity to invite you to my place and get to know you better. I wanted to know how your mind works. However, I was really disappointed. I was hoping to learn why you are so well-liked by others, but I was left with no understanding. Rather, I grew increasingly furious.¡± "What kind of admiration are you talking about?" I don''t have a single friend in our class, yet you are well-known across the school. Don''t attempt to make me look bad in this scenario. You have your psychological problems; deal with them away from me. Don''t bring me into it again." I couldn''t take being embarrassed any longer, so I went to the door and exited the room. I hurried downstairs, quickly put on my shoes, and left without considering how I would return home. I looked around and was surprised to find him here. Why is he still here, I wondered to myself. After giving his phone a quick check as though he was receiving a message, Melo turned to face me and said, "Come on, let me give you a ride." She thought about calling him even after our fight and asking him to take me home. I felt a slight sense of guilt, but not enough to go back and apologize to her. He opened the car door for me, so I sat next to the driver''s seat. Rich kids do have some manners, indeed. They''re not as spoiled as rumored at school. During the ride, I felt extreme shyness around him, so I kept my gaze fixed on the window. Every time I stole a glance at him, thoughts like how handsome he looked from every angle invaded my mind. I didn''t know if he noticed, but the silence between us was indeed strange. So, he took the initiative and started a conversation: "I know this is none of my business, but can I ask why you left early? I thought you were going to stay for dinner." I replied briefly, "We finished early." "Really? Wow, you''re very clever. You managed to finish the speech in this short time." I felt embarrassed by his praise and didn''t know how to respond. He continued, "You know, Marian told me that you''re the smartest in the whole school and that you''ve been ranking first for years. That''s impressive. You''re truly amazing." I wanted to change the subject desperately because if he kept praising me, I would faint from embarrassment. I asked him, "Can I ask about the nature of your relationship with Marian? Are you two dating or something?" He looked at me and laughed, although he seemed happy with the question. "Marian and I have known each other since childhood. You could say we grew up together. Our parents have been close friends since high school, especially our mothers." "I understood." "Do you have any other questions?" "Well, it''s a somewhat silly question, but do you two have friends from a different social class?" "What do you mean by a different social class?" "I mean regular friends, not wealthy like both of you." "Well, Marian might seem very popular, but she''s actually alone most of the time. I mean, she used to have one friend in the past, as far as I remember, but now she only has me." It''s strange. Why make up stories if he doesn''t know how many friends she has? Is he afraid of embarrassing me? Of course, she doesn''t have middle class friends like me. "But when you came today, I was glad that she finally started to make some friends again." "I came here just to fulfill the teacher''s request, nothing more." "Oh, really? That''s okay; let this visit be the beginning of your friendship then." I felt bad about his continuous talk about her. Couldn''t we talk about something else? Trying to escape from this situation I put myself in, I said, "Could you drop me off at the nearest bus station? I can continue from there." "I can take you home. I''m not that busy." "That''s very kind of you, but our street is a bit narrow, and there are many kids playing there. One of them might scratch your expensive car, and I don''t want to bear the cost." "Don''t worry about it; it''s not that fragile. It has been through many races, and it came out unharmed from all of them." I jokingly asked him, "Really? Is making yourself vulnerable to danger a hobby of yours or something?" "Yes, you''re right. I think I''ve become addicted to the rush of adrenaline in my veins." "I don''t have enough knowledge about cars, but I watch a little with my dad when there''s an important race. He''s obsessed with it." "Really? Does he have a favorite type of car?" "Yes, it''s Ferrari 488 Spider.¡± "Your dad has good taste; it''s my favorite car too." I smiled at his compliment. He''s very good at making others feel comfortable in conversation. He''s truly sociable, and that''s probably why I admired him in the first place. But he''s genuinely perfect; he has no reason to be insecure, just like Marian. When we reached the bus station, I insisted that he let me off, thanked him for the ride, and quickly got off without bidding him a proper farewell. This might be the last time, so I wanted the goodbye to be dry, not wanting to be affected by him any more than I already was. A day with him made me forget who I am and where I come from. He posed a danger to me, so I had to distance myself quickly. I waited a little until the bus arrived, and when I boarded, I felt like I had returned to my boring world once again. I鈥檓 crazy but I鈥檓 not stupid part 1 I arrived home late, so I expected to find my parents worried since I hadn''t called them. However, I found my father lying on the couch, watching TV, and he didn''t seem worried at all. He even had dinner without noticing my absence. So, I asked him, "Dad, didn''t you notice that I was late coming back today?" He answered belatedly, realizing the situation, "Did you just come back? I thought you were in your room. I called you, but you didn''t answer, so I thought you were asleep." "Where is mom?" "She''s on a night shift. She''ll be back tomorrow. Do you need anything from her?" "No, I just wanted to chat, that''s all." "Well, your dinner is in the fridge if you''re hungry." "I''m not hungry. I think I''ll go to bed early." It''s strange. He didn''t even ask about the reason for my delay. They must not care about me at all. I entered my room and threw myself on the bed. I tried to forget what happened today, but I couldn''t get it out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, the scene of him saving me from the pool came back. Talking with him was comforting and engaging. The last time I had such a conversation was with Yuna. She was a brilliant speaker with a cheerful and sociable personality, unlike me. We were different in character but similar in preferences and interests. We even admired the same actor when watching our favorite drama. I miss my dear friend a lot. If she hadn''t moved to another city, I wouldn''t be feeling this miserable. I wish I were in Marian''s place now. I envy her for having Melo, and I don''t think she appreciates his presence as she should. The next day, I had to return Marian''s clothes to her. Such a task may seem simple to anyone, but it''s terrifying for an introverted person like me. I had to talk to her while being surrounded by five or six unfamiliar girls who would stare at me with unfamiliar faces. If I wanted to talk to her alone, I had to keep an eye on her all the time until I found the right opportunity. It''s truly exhausting. The life of introverts is tiring, especially if they have a life at all. I spent the whole day glancing at her, hoping she would notice me and understand my signals. However, she avoided looking at me all day. I felt like I wasn''t much different from the air¡ªinvisible to her. Finally, a girl who was with her walked towards me and asked, "What''s the matter? Why are you staring at us? Do you have something to say?" I was nervous, but I had been waiting for this moment all day, so I replied, "Can you tell Marian that we should meet at the gym? I have something to give her." The girl looked at me, clearly curious and wanting more details, but I stood up and left the classroom without giving her a chance to ask her questions. She probably thought to herself, "What does the unpopular me have to do with Marian?" If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. The fate that brought us together is the same that will separate us. The hope that gave us an advantage will betray us in the end. This is what I felt when I saw her standing before me with the same innocence she always promotes. But I wanted to remove this mask, no matter what it took. I wanted to see her true nature. Does she have things she is ashamed of? Does she get sick? Does she regret any foolish words she has ever said? I wanted to tell her how much I hate her many times, and I wanted to see her reaction. Will she be saddened, or will she not care about my feelings at all? She finally spoke after the staring contest we had been engaged in for five minutes. "I''m sorry for what I said yesterday. You must have felt that I was criticizing you, even though I don''t know you well." I was surprised by her apology. She''s not that bad, after all. I wonder, if only I wasn''t so cowardly, could we have been good friends? I remember how Yuna always told me that I resemble the self that she doesn''t show to anyone. Maybe Marian feels the same way about me. She continued without waiting for my apology, gratitude, or anything: "Okay, then. I''ve returned your clothes, and I''ve taken mine back. I hope we''re even now." I thought a lot about how to apologize to her, but I felt that words would not be enough. I took a paper out of my pocket, put it in her hand, and left, and she didn''t try to stop me. I seemed to be separating from her calmly, as if she was playing the role of the crazy lover, but she was more understanding than I thought, and that suited her perfectly. That paper was the speech I had worked on the night before. I won''t feel bad if she doesn''t use it, but I felt satisfied that I had expressed my apology to her in this way, and that suited me. After this incident with her, we returned to our previous lives and did not take a single step forward in this strange friendship, although I wished she would try again. But to be honest, something changed in how the other girls started looking at me. I became somewhat visible, but in a negative way. I think they hated the curiosity that surrounded me wherever I went. Yuna always told me that I have an attractive aura, even though I''m a bit of a weirdo. But I don''t see it. All I think about myself is that I''m very simple, and every question about me has a clear answer, because I haven''t left any question about myself unanswered. That hatred turned into harassment after a while. I thought that staying invisible would be enough to protect me, but I was wrong. I didn''t know if they were doing it for her or for themselves, but I was sure she didn''t mind in either case, as she never objected. I ignored all the sarcastic and insulting comments hidden behind the veil of curiosity. But the matter became annoying when I started finding my things moved without my touching them, and my desk became like the lunch table they gathered around whenever my absence allowed. On a rainy day, I was sure I had brought my umbrella, but they took it. I went home completely soaked, and although I did my best to avoid falling ill, I couldn''t. Despite the fever and headache, I went to school, determined to resolve the matter with Marian. We met again by the school pool to remind her of her deed and that she is not as innocent as she promotes herself to be in front of everyone. She looked at me as I tried to control my anger, then finally said, "You know, I don''t have authority over them. Nermin,You have to learn how to protect yourself and not let them disrespect you." She was giving advice as if she really cared, and my social anxiety worried her, but I asked her with the same sarcasm that her advice contained, "So, will you be my teacher in this case?" "Not that I want to be your teacher, but I can be your role model." I laughed at her audacity that never ceases to surprise me, then said, "I don''t mean to offend you, but I can''t learn social skills from someone who relies entirely on their family''s wealth to attract others'' attention." Both she and I knew this wasn''t true, but I couldn''t find anything else to insult her with. She was perfect, even in my eyes. But something angered her about what I said. She tried to maintain that celebrity smile and said, "Do you really mean that? I can''t believe you said that!" "Well, I''m not sorry for disappointing you." "Nermin, do I have to do this to know how you really feel?" "Do what?" And in an almost fantastical way, and with a speed that my brain cells couldn''t comprehend, Marian approached the pool and threw herself into it. My heartbeat accelerated, and fear froze my feet in place. A voice in my mind began to pray, begging God that this was just a prank and that she would quickly emerge from the pool before her air ran out. But she didn''t. I waited long enough for her to save herself, but she didn''t, and there wasn''t enough time to call for help. So, I jumped into the pool, even though I wouldn''t be of much use. But if she was going to die today, I couldn''t live with the remorse it would cause me anyway. I searched with my eyes for her in the depths of this huge pool, but I couldn''t find her. I tried to swim to the surface, but something was pulling me down, as if it were a supernatural force that had decided to end my life this morning, and I couldn''t resist it. It kept pulling me and pulling me until I ran out of air and fell into a deep slumber. I鈥檓 crazy but I鈥檓 not stupid part 2 The meaningless pain Can''t be translated I understand The more I believe my sweet lies the more I betray my truth How did I become like this and why didn''t I become what I wanted? I''ve lost myself Where am I in all of this? Even my words have lost their beauty My voice has lost its rhythm And my movements have lost their grace What always preoccupies me is the way back Back to at least something But knowledge is a disease Ignorance is a remedy The rain''s ceremonies beat The breezes of life vanished And the letters split from the language of the era The storm''s calm prevailed and the corpses of dreams poured from above I couldn''t bear the farewell The repeated questions stem from incomplete knowledge I want peace within my mind So my thoughts surrender There''s no way to win in a war with imagination Imagination is just an illusion Never tire of yourself because of it I finally opened my eyes and looked around, trying to answer the question: Where am I? I''m in the hospital, that''s for sure, but what am I doing here? Was I really saved from death? Maybe some girl who was waiting for Marian outside noticed the incident and did what was necessary. Thank God we survived. I got up from the bed and looked at my feet. They looked strange. Have I been sleeping for a long time and the nurses have been taking care of me or something? My toenails were neatly trimmed and painted with a clear polish, something I''ve never done in my life. And the hospital room looked different from the usual hospital rooms. Was I taken to a private hospital because I was with Marian? The questions started piling up in my mind, and I couldn''t find a logical explanation for what was happening. The only way to find out was to look for someone I know. I went out to the hallway and tried to look for anyone I knew, but my parents weren''t there, nor was a single teacher from the school. When I felt tired again after failing to find anyone, I decided to go back to the bed, but suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into a tight hug. Despite my complete bewilderment, I couldn''t move due to exhaustion, but I felt a strange feeling - this embrace was not unfamiliar to me, and this scent was somewhat familiar. But looking at the shape of the body and the muscles I found myself leaning on, this man could not possibly be my father, and this is definitely not his belly. But apart from my father, what man would dare to hug me like this? If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. I raised my head to look at him, and what a surprise! In what parallel world have I been resurrected to see this face again? His eyes were unusually tired, and his hair was completely disheveled, but his face still maintained its handsomeness. He looked at me with worry and sadness that almost translated years of friendship, but I didn''t understand anything. I didn''t know I meant so much to him, or had he made a mistake ? He must have been looking for Marian, but how could he have mistaken between us when our hair colors are so different. I tried to gather some of the strength I had and tried to move away from him while maintaining my balance. I stepped back and looked at him, asking, "What are you doing?" He looked at me, and the signs of worry never disappeared, then he answered, "Do you know how worried I was? Do you know how scared your parents were?" My parents? Where are they? "They''re talking to the police... If you want, I can ask the nurse to inform them that you''ve woken up." The police? Why? "I think they''ll file a complaint against the school and against Nermin." What? Why would my parents file a complaint against me? "Marian, don''t you remember what happened? You got into a fight with Nermin, and you two fell into the school pool. Someone saved you and called the ambulance. If it weren''t for that person, I don''t know what would have happened." Wait, I don''t understand. You must have made a mistake. Did you say I got into a fight with Marian? "Marian, what happened to you? Have you forgotten who you are, or what?" "I haven''t forgotten who I am. I know very well who I am, but I''m Nermin. Have you forgotten?" When I said that, he looked completely astonished, so I left him and went back to the room, leaning against the wall, trying to reach into the bathroom to wash my face. But as soon as my eyes fell on the mirror, I saw the reflection of Marian''s surprised face¡ªan expression I had never seen her take, even when the girls were joking with her. Who is this person? I touched this strange face that smiles with my smile, moves with my movements¡ªmy hands and legs, even the size of my breasts are different. Is this really Marian''s body? I screamed when I finally understood what was going on, and Melo rushed into the bathroom after he heard my scream and asked repeatedly, "What''s wrong? Are you okay? Are you in pain somewhere?" I looked at him and said, "Do you see me? Do you see what I see in the mirror?" He smiled a little and replied, "What''s wrong? You''ve just come back from death. What were you expecting? I know you care about your appearance, but you''re exaggerating now." What is he saying? Have I become Marian because I came back from death? What about my body? Is it Marian''s now? "Melo, where is my body? I mean, where is Nermin?" His expression changed again, and he looked at me seriously and answered, "She''s in another hospital. We transferred you after the doctors allowed us to." "Can you take me to her? I want to see if she''s okay." "You can see her when you''re discharged. There''s no need to rush, and you''re still under observation so they won''t let you leave anyway." "I can''t wait, Melo. I need to make sure about this now. I''m fine, so don''t worry. Please help me." "Okay, you''ve never been reckless, so you must have a good reason." Melo took a light coat from the closet and helped me put it on. we left the room, holding hands. I followed him as he was busy trying to avoid the nurses. We quickly entered the emergency exit when we saw a police man walking with an old couple looking worried were approaching us. Melo said to me, "I feel bad about them. Your father didn''t sleep the night before and he made all the calls that he could make just to find out what happened. Why don''t you come back and explain to them what happened? They will worry more if they couldn''t find you." How can I tell him that I''m not feeling sorry about anyone and all I care about for now is finding my real parents and my body so I can figure out a way to come back to be me again? I said, "Don''t worry, Melo. I will explain everything to them once I see Nermin." "Okay, but if we have to avoid them, the only way is to take the stairs. Can you handle going down the stairs?" "I think so." We went down to the ground floor and then went out of the hospital, where we stopped the first taxi we encountered. Melo told the driver the address of the other hospital, and we set off. Im crazy but Im not stupid part 3 The weather was sunny outside. The place was crowded with patients and visitors. The floor was mopped and clean. Nurses and doctors were moving back and forth. Nothing strange except me. I was a soul sitting in someone else''s place. The reflection of my image in the glass terrified me, and Melo''s conversation with the nurse sounded like empty words at that moment. I didn''t wake up from my thoughts until Melo grabbed me as I was about to fall after colliding with one of the patients. The door was closed, so I took a deep breath and knocked, asking permission to enter. But the matter seemed strange when I opened the door. I saw my body lying peacefully on the bed, and my parents were sitting next to it. It was a scene I never expected to see, even in my dreams. Fatigue and worry were etched on their faces. Tears on my mother''s cheeks and wrinkles that had appeared on my father''s face. What happened made them age another year in their lives. When Melo and I approached them, they finally noticed our presence. They looked at me standing before them as if I were a hero who could save their daughter, the rescuing angel. My mother got up, hugged me, and burst into tears. Then my father got up and started patting her back. She composed herself, pulled away from me, and said without looking into my eyes : am i hearing right? How did what happened become my responsibility? Even though I tried to save her, and if it weren''t for that, I wouldn''t be lying now in an unknown hospital bed, not knowing when I would wake up. I stepped back and was about to fall again when Melo grabbed me and asked my parents to give me a chair to sit on. My strength suddenly failed me, and I didn''t know if it was because of what I was hearing or the unstable state of my body. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I sat down and tried to understand the matter, then finally spoke: My mother answered : Don''t you remember? Well, this is what your father told us on the phone. He said that some girls who came with you from school in the ambulance told him that Nermin had asked you to come to the pool and was angry, so they concluded that. They even told him that Nermin was always watching you and that when you hosted her at your house, you had a fight. This is what the girls said. It seems that the misunderstanding between us led to this, especially since the girls were bullying me and now they get the perfect opportunity to ruin my life. I said that and made my parents chear a little. My father grabbed me and started shaking me, asking anxiously : Are you sure? Do you really remember what happened? Nermin didn''t push you; she didn''t try to drown you, right? I didn''t know she couldn''t swim. I thought she learned at school. Her mother and I didn''t know how to defend her in front of your parents. Please tell them the truth. They''ve tarnished her reputation, and everyone is talking about her as a criminal and hoping that she doesn''t wake up ever. It seems that my presence in Marian''s body at this moment is a blessing of sorts¡ªa blessing and a curse at the same time. I looked at Melo, who seemed happy to hear the truth. It seems he didn''t believe I would do that. But our rescuer remained unknown, as my parents didn''t know anything about him, and the girls weren''t the ones who found us. Someone had been watching me and Marian from afar, and when the situation escalated, he intervened. What I don''t understand is why he is still keeping himself unknown after saving us. What was he doing in the gym anyway? I calmed my real parents down and glanced at myself lying there. I''m alive and dead at the same time, a confusing matter. I left with Melo and went back. My poor mom and dad, I couldn''t tell them the truth. Everyone will think I''ve gone crazy, and my reputation will remain tarnished after being labeled as a criminal. If I maintain Marian''s identity for now, I can keep things under control until she wakes up and returns to her real body. who am I ? part 1 **A Week Later:** The right way to live isn¡¯t by inhabiting someone else¡¯s body. I wasn¡¯t truly living before, so why am I so angry now? I wasn¡¯t living at all. Yet, I watch my body wither away day by day, and my hope of waking up fades more with each passing moment. My vital signs are stable, my heartbeat is normal, my breathing is steady¡ªso why can¡¯t I wake up? I asked my mom, the doctor, the nurses; I even asked Melo, but no one had an answer. All they could say was to hold on to hope. But they don¡¯t realize I¡¯ve already used up my chance. I¡¯m alive now, and expecting another miracle seems scientifically impossible. That¡¯s the only conclusion I could reach after all the thinking and effort I¡¯ve put into grasping the reality of my situation. I worked tirelessly until I reached the age of eighteen, and my efforts finally paid off. But now, I find myself powerless. In this situation, striving feels pointless; all that¡¯s left for me to do is pray. Yet, at least now, I am loved by everyone¡ªnot as Nermin, but as Marian. I had to adjust to my new reality. I didn¡¯t want to raise any suspicions, especially since my personality and Marian¡¯s couldn¡¯t be more different. I see no similarities between us. I even began to question her sanity when she tried to get close to me, wanting to make me her friend. How can water be friends with fire? How can a gazelle walk alongside a tiger? It¡¯s absurd, isn¡¯t it? I spent my days sleeping in Marian¡¯s house, doing my best to avoid encountering Melo and keeping my conversations with her parents brief and superficial to prevent them from discovering my secret too soon. I just needed more time because I realized that this situation was temporary, and I didn¡¯t want to make any changes in her life while I was living it. However, things became more difficult after a week had passed since the incident. Her parents started asking questions, and my sick leave was over, so I had to return to school tomorrow. Living her life became essential if I wanted to continue pretending to be her. But every time I moved or spoke, I felt a deep sense of guilt. It was like driving a stolen car¡ªhow could I ever feel comfortable or at peace when I was constantly at risk of being exposed? I didn¡¯t know much about her; maybe she was allergic to something, maybe she despised a certain food, maybe she smiled when she said good morning. How could I know? It¡¯s these little details that set us apart as individuals. My mind finally shut down, and I fell asleep. But usually, my thoughts never stop racing, leaving me with a splitting headache by the end of the day. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. I think about everything, trying to avoid being caught off guard by anything. I woke from my dreams as Nermin to the sound of Marian''s mother knocking. She opened the door, came in, and approached me, saying, "Dear, good morning. I hope you slept well. Your father and I are wondering if you feel up to going to school today. We¡¯ve reviewed your sick leave, and we can extend it if you still need more rest." Her parents are so kind and gentle; they spoil her a lot. It explains her warm and generous nature. I don¡¯t know what Marian would have decided, but as for me, I was tired of this confinement I¡¯d been in for a week. I wanted to go back to school; maybe I¡¯d find some answers. There¡¯s no point in sitting around, waiting for the day I wake up. I need to take action. I replied, "No, I''m fine. I can go to school today." Her mother suddenly lit up, a big smile spreading across her face. "Great! Then get ready quickly. We¡¯re waiting for you at the breakfast table. We¡¯ll eat together with Melo, and then he¡¯ll take you to school." She rushed out, leaving me in a state of confusion once again. Marian was always so organized; her hair was always styled, and her clothes were neat and clean. I managed to sort out the clothing situation since everything was hanging in the closet, ready to go. But when it came to my hair, I felt lost. I wasn¡¯t used to leaving it down like she did, and doing so would only make me feel even more out of place. So, I decided to do what I usually did with my own hair. A ponytail would have to do for now since I didn¡¯t want to keep them waiting¡ªthey were expecting me. I went downstairs and made my way to the dining room, where a long, wide table split the room in half. Her father sat at the head of the table, her mother to his left, and Melo to his right. I did my best to avoid making eye contact with him. The last time he came, I pretended to be asleep and made him leave. He knows Maryan very well, and I feared he might see through my disguise just by looking into my eyes. I greeted them and sat down. The table was laden with food, and I wasn¡¯t sure where to start, so I decided to watch Melo and mimic his every move. If he picked up a glass of juice, I did the same. If he started eating eggs with toast, I would do the same, even though I preferred milk with a piece of toast and a spoonful of strawberry jam. The spread was delicious and varied, but I kept my excitement in check and acted indifferent, even claiming I was done after just a single bite. The three of them looked at me in surprise and then exchanged glances. I felt a tension that was worse than when the exam clock is ticking down and I still have so much left to solve. None of them said a word, which only made things more uncomfortable. Suddenly, Melo wiped his mouth and said, "I¡¯m done too. Thank you for the meal, ma''am." Her mother replied, "You''re welcome, dear. But are you sure you¡¯re finished? Marian can take her time; she¡¯s still not feeling well and hasn¡¯t been eating much lately. It¡¯s okay if you want to finish your food." I glanced at Melo, and he met my gaze, then smiled and said, "I know, but I have a lot on my plate today, so it¡¯s better if we leave early. You don¡¯t mind, do you, Marian?" I looked at her mother, who cheerfully answered on my behalf, "Of course, she doesn¡¯t mind. Work is important, after all. Come on, Marian, don¡¯t keep the young man waiting." I didn¡¯t quite understand what was happening; her behavior was puzzling. She was giving him a lot of importance. She almost slapped me in the hospital when I told her that I went to see Nermin, but she quickly composed herself when Melo entered the room and calmed down immediately. I thought her anger was out of concern for her daughter and that my going out without her permission had worried her. That would have made sense, but the speed with which she calmed down was what I found really hard to grasp. Who am i ? Part 2 I left the house with Melo, and the air between us felt tense. After that breakfast, I wasn¡¯t sure if I could keep pretending nothing had changed. Melo opened the car door for me, and I got in, feeling like I needed a script to stay in character as Marian. Instead of waiting for him to notice something was off, I decided I should address it directly. ¡°Melo, have you noticed anything strange about me?¡± ¡°In what way?¡± ¡°Not just now, but in general. After the accident, haven¡¯t you felt like I¡¯ve changed?¡± ¡°Well, yeah, you¡¯ve been acting a bit different, but that¡¯s to be expected. You survived a life-threatening event, Marian¡ªthat¡¯s what matters.¡± ¡°What if I¡¯m not really Marian anymore?¡± ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± ¡°What if the accident turned me into someone else? Would that change things between us?¡± ¡°Marian, this accident doesn¡¯t change anything in our friendship. And don¡¯t let it define you. You¡¯re still the same person, just someone who went through a traumatic event. You¡¯ll continue living your life just like you always have.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t promise that. Honestly, I feel like a completely different person. I just hope you stay the same, even if I change.¡± ¡°You seem off today. Did you sleep okay? ¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you say you had a lot to do?¡± ¡°Well, you were the one eager to leave early. I could tell you were uncomfortable, so I made an excuse to help you out. Your mom would¡¯ve never let us go if I hadn¡¯t told her I had to leave.¡± A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°That was really thoughtful of you.¡± ¡°You barely touched your breakfast. Did your mom say something about watching your weight? I noticed you only had one bite before you were done. Did she say something this morning?¡± Marian¡¯s mother seems to have a tight grip on her life, which isn¡¯t surprising in wealthy families. The family¡¯s image often rests on how the children are perceived, and maintaining a spotless reputation is their top priority. ¡°No, she didn¡¯t. I just wasn¡¯t that hungry. Let¡¯s go to school. I don¡¯t want to be late.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t skip lunch, though. You have to take care of yourself. If you¡¯d like, I could pick you up later, and we could grab dinner at our favorite place. That might cheer you up.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯ve got exams coming up. I need to study after school.¡± Melo seemed surprised by my response. It was as though Nermin¡¯s personality was showing through, and I couldn¡¯t fully suppress it. Still, I was relieved that I had managed to keep any serious doubts from forming in his mind. He could suspect whatever he wanted, but there was no way he could truly know what had happened. After about fifteen minutes, we arrived at the high school. As soon as I stepped out of the car, I was surrounded by at least ten girls. One hugged me, another kissed me, and one even burst into tears, clutching my hand tightly. It was an overwhelming experience¡ªthese girls were so concerned about me, as if they¡¯d missed me dearly. Throughout the morning, I heard constant expressions of relief and joy from my classmates and teachers, especially the English teacher. It was exhausting, having to keep smiling and respond to everyone who came to check on me and celebrate my return. The most frustrating part? No one asked about *me*¡ªNermin¡ªor showed any sympathy for what I had been through. Their concern was all for Marian. What about me? Didn¡¯t I deserve to be noticed too? Did I have to be their friend to be worthy of some attention, some care? I felt so invisible, to the point where I started blaming myself, wondering if I was somehow responsible for the way they were treating me. During the break, I escaped to the gym, seeking some solitude in the basketball court. I desperately needed time alone to sort through my thoughts. I had been overwhelmed for four hours. How did Marian deal with this every day? Or did it actually make her happy? I was genuinely curious because, from the outside, Marian seemed like a popular, beloved figure. But now that I was in her shoes, I realized how exhausting it must be to constantly live up to everyone¡¯s expectations. Suddenly, I heard footsteps. Someone had entered the gym. The sound grew closer until the person stopped in front of me, staring at me with a look that was very different from the others. Their expression held no joy¡ªjust pure hatred. who am I ? part 3 Dark eyes and even darker hair, tall and broad-shouldered, his appearance was disheveled, his clothes messy. He had a slender, athletic build, yet he seemed indifferent to how he looked. Even with anger and annoyance etched on his face, a certain charm remained. It was truly strange. A boy like him studied at my high school, yet I had never noticed him before. Where had he been hiding all this time? Or had he just transferred recently? One of the perks of being Marian now was her popularity among boys, especially the handsome ones. He stood staring at me for a while, locking eyes with mine without uttering a word. I felt uncomfortable, as if I was in a staring contest. Finally, I spoke, feeling that the silence would stretch on forever if neither of us said anything: "Excuse me, do you need something?" His gaze softened slightly when I spoke, but he didn¡¯t answer. Instead, he turned his face toward the door, as if waiting for someone to enter. I stood up and approached him, asking, "Did you come to check on me too? I¡¯m fine, as you can see. Thank you for your concern." As soon as I reached him, he turned back to me, his face filled with anger, and said: "Check on you? You must be joking. I came here just to ask you one thing, and I want you to be honest with me." When he said that, I felt embarrassed for my previous thoughts. Why do I assume things? I was genuinely curious about what he was going to say, so I replied, ¡°Okay, go ahead, I¡¯m listening.¡± ¡°Be honest with me. Do you regret what you¡¯ve done?¡± ¡°What do you mean? I don¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m asking if you regret what you did to Nermin.¡± "I still don¡¯t get it. Can you tell me what I did to Nermin so I can know if I regret it or not?¡± This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. "How could you try to kill Nermin by drowning her?" "What?" I was shocked. Is he telling the truth? Wasn¡¯t it an accident? Did she try to kill me for real? Why can¡¯t I remember anything that happened? Why should I believe him anyway? I asked, "Why are you so sure of that? Are you the one who saved both of us? The one who called the ambulance?" ¡°Yes, it was me.¡± ¡°Then why didn¡¯t you say that to the police?¡± "I didn¡¯t report it because I pitied you. I thought that Nermin would wake up as you did, that you would regret what you¡¯d done and apologize to her. But no. After you spent a week resting at home, you came back to school like nothing happened, and where is Nermin? She¡¯s in a coma because of you.¡± I was truly shocked. His words didn¡¯t match my memories at all. Every time I tried to remember what happened, I could only recall events before diving into the water. It was as if part of my memory had been erased. Did she try to drown me? Did he save me? Or was I searching for her when I suddenly drowned? I didn¡¯t know anymore. Every possibility felt real, and I couldn¡¯t tell which was the truth. Noticing my confusion, he grabbed me by my shoulders and spoke calmly, ¡°Marian, don¡¯t you remember what you did? Was it a moment of anger? You didn¡¯t really intend to drown her, did you? Answer me.¡± "I don¡¯t remember anything you¡¯re saying. All I remember is that I jumped into the pool, then Nermin followed, and after that¡­ nothing. If I tried to drown her as you claim, how did I almost die too?¡± "I waited for both of you to come up to the surface, but minutes passed, and neither of you did. So I dove in to see what was happening and found you holding Nermin by her leg, keeping her from resurfacing until she lost consciousness. When I rushed to you, you resisted with all your strength until you also passed out.¡± Was I really the cause? If it wasn¡¯t an accident, then why did everything change? What really happened? When I didn¡¯t respond, he continued, "Nermin should have woken up. I don¡¯t understand how you woke up and she didn¡¯t." It¡¯s the cruel irony of fate. She tried to kill me, but now she¡¯s the one lying in a hospital bed, not me. And now I¡¯m her. If I can¡¯t convince him to stay silent, I¡¯ll go to prison in her place. Then I¡¯ll never find a way to return to my body and will remain trapped in hers forever. who am I ? part 4 I had high expectations for my life, but things have always been and remain dull. I feel trapped in a life that isn¡¯t mine, a body that isn¡¯t mine, and a personality that doesn¡¯t fit me, with no way to break free, no matter what I do. Life keeps deceiving me, and perhaps I deceive it as well. I ignore it, letting it pass, but it always returns to slap me. I¡¯m no longer responsible for it. My own mind stops me from cursing, though there¡¯s no point in using harsh words against an entity that doesn¡¯t feel, that hurts but cannot be hurt. I may not be able to move forward or leave and never return, like dying in the same place where I was born. Fate is boring, and dealing with the foolishness embodied in people close to you is like living with an illness you were born with. The scent of failure clings to you, and your misery is visible to everyone, even if you don¡¯t speak or nod. No one questions the reason; they silently praise your sorrow because feeling sadness takes courage, and expressing it requires intelligence. You lean and fall repeatedly, like a water bottle with a crooked base. Your expressions erase any beauty in your features, and you grow uglier by the day. Your blood ties into your sense of taste; you think of death daily and dream of it constantly. You''ve studied every wall and door, finding no escape, and the hard walls only make you want to shatter your skull against them. But pain isn¡¯t a useful option; if you¡¯ve lived a painful life, at least find a way to die comfortably. I¡¯m not a fan of pessimists, but excessive positivity is toxic, and constant laughter is pitiful. Fake smiles cause headaches, as if the wrinkles on your face can see the truth. I wake up every day for a hidden job, repeating the same tasks without a clear understanding of others¡¯ lives. Yet, we¡¯re alike in how we tolerate what some surrender to, most complain about, and a few escape. I don¡¯t categorize myself in any of these ways¡ªI neither submit nor complain, nor am I free. I simply enjoy my time in all the ways available to me. My soul has a soul that never stops criticizing me, telling me I don¡¯t deserve love or life, forcing me to frown all the time, forbidding me from love. This is me, and this is she. We share nothing in common, yet I love her because if she wasn¡¯t with me, no one else would be. When I¡¯m at my lowest, she fights to keep us from falling together, and when she survives, she lifts me up. I cannot separate from my lifeboat or from the water I swim in. If strength means walking on the moon, then I¡¯d rather explore the depths of my oceans. I don¡¯t care about the other world; inside me, there¡¯s a world yet to be discovered. I¡¯m more terrifying than space, a tropical forest at night, a sinking ship, a volcano about to erupt, a cliff¡¯s edge, a bridge on the verge of collapse. If you don¡¯t understand the peak of death, you won¡¯t understand the peak of life. Life isn¡¯t just about life; it¡¯s about living with the awareness of death. That boy, unnamed, pulled me back to reality. I¡¯m not dead; I¡¯m alive, and even if I¡¯m in the wrong place, I should appreciate being alive. My body doesn¡¯t define me¡ªI am a spirit, ultimately, with no limits holding me back. He took my hand, leading me out of school. Everyone was watching us, until we reached the end of the courtyard, and we arrived to the street. I didn¡¯t understand his intentions, but I followed him without resistance. The others looked at us curiously, but no one approached, as if they already knew. What did they know, really? Did they feel the strangeness but choose not to understand it? Was it because Nermin didn¡¯t matter to them, or because Marian was too intimidating to question? Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. The boy stopped a cab and asked the driver to take us to the hospital, where my body lay in one of its dark rooms. If Marian¡¯s mother found out about this visit, she¡¯d be furious, but I had no choice but to follow my instincts. We arrived at a time when my parents were likely away at work. We entered the hospital and went to my room. When I looked at my pale face, I felt empty¡ªnot sad, just numb. It felt like a punishment I deserved, for I¡¯d always wished to be Marian, to have her looks, her wealth, her parents. But now, all I felt was regret, not happiness. The boy spoke: ¡°I brought you here so you could apologize. Apologize to Nermin. Let her hear it; maybe it will help her wake up. I read somewhere that people in comas can hear us.¡± ¡°Do you think she can hear us?¡± ¡°Yes, so we should tell her to hold on and not give up.¡± He¡¯s a kind and strange boy, though he doesn¡¯t look it. Sensitive and considerate. ¡°Listen, I know I¡¯m late, but I lost a part of my memory. I¡¯m sorry if I caused you any harm, but if anything happens to you, I¡¯ll never forgive you.¡± The boy looked at me, confused, then said, ¡°Is that how people like you apologize?¡± His question made me think for a moment, then I whispered to myself, ¡°I think so; I¡¯m not even sure who I am anymore.¡± ¡°What?¡± "Nothing. By the way, you haven¡¯t told me your name, and I don¡¯t think we¡¯ve met before.¡± He looked at me with confusion again, locked his eyes on mine, and said, ¡°You must have really lost your memory to ask that.¡± How odd. I¡¯d never seen him talk to Marian, so how would she know him? And he doesn¡¯t seem wealthy enough to have a connection with her outside school. Who is he? ¡°So, do we know each other?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Orca. Don¡¯t forget, because I won¡¯t let you off the hook for what you did, even if you have forgotten.¡± ¡°In court, it would be your word against mine. Neither of us has evidence.¡± ¡°That might be true, but you rich people care about your reputation more than anything. Even people at school already suspect you. All I need to do is spark the rumors, and in your case, they¡¯d be true.¡± ¡°Are you threatening me? What do you want in return, then? Money?¡± ¡°I want you to bring her back. Can you do that?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think Nermin even knows you, so why do you care so much?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right; she might not know me, but I know her, and that¡¯s enough.¡± ¡°You¡¯re truly a strange guy, Orca.¡± ¡°Convince your parents to help her. You have the money to bring in the best doctors. Do it¡ªit¡¯s the only way you can make up for your mistake.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡± I don¡¯t believe doctors can do anything in our situation, but I don¡¯t know much about supernatural matters. So, I need to find the right person to help me. first person who holds my hand part 1 During the ride back to school, I was lost in thought. What happened to me was beyond extraordinary. If I told anyone about it, they¡¯d think my head injury was so severe it drove me insane¡ªand honestly, I¡¯d probably think the same if someone else told me such a story. But here I was, living this madness. I started considering who might believe my story. Telling my parents seemed the most reasonable option, but for some reason, I couldn¡¯t bring myself to do it yet. I wanted to wait until I was certain I wouldn¡¯t return to my body; otherwise, I didn¡¯t want to worry them, especially since they were already in a fragile state. What about Marian¡¯s parents? That was completely out of the question. They were my legal guardians, and I couldn¡¯t risk them deeming me insane and committing me to an institution. Then there was Melo, an old friend of Marian¡¯s. If I told him what had happened, he¡¯d do anything to help her, but I wasn¡¯t entirely sure he¡¯d believe me. Worse, he might inform her parents, thinking I was hallucinating, and the outcome wouldn¡¯t differ from telling them directly. That left the boy who, for some reason, seemed to care about me. But what¡¯s the point of repeating the story when the outcome would always be the same? I¡¯d be branded as crazy. It was better to stay silent for now and wait. When we arrived at school, Orca paid the taxi fare. I hadn¡¯t brought any money with me, and that¡¯s when I realized I¡¯d left my wallet in class. I remembered leaving all my belongings on my desk. Without looking back or responding to Orca¡¯s calls, I rushed out of the car and ran inside the school. I climbed the stairs quickly, ignoring the greetings of those around me, and headed straight for the classroom. When I arrived, I looked at my desk, and there they were¡ªmy belongings, exactly as I¡¯d left them. I hurried to check my wallet and bag, and everything was in its place. That¡¯s when it hit me: I wasn¡¯t Nermeen¡ªI was Marianne. Of course, no one would touch my things. I¡¯d gotten so used to being bullied that I¡¯d forgotten what it felt like to have things left undisturbed.If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. One of the girls approached me and handed me my phone. ¡°Were you looking for this?¡± she asked. I stared at her in surprise. She continued, ¡°Your mom kept calling, so I thought it might be urgent. The girls told me you left with Orca, so I answered to keep her from worrying and calling the principal.¡± ¡°What did she say?¡± ¡°Not much. She just asked where you were, and I told her you weren¡¯t feeling well, so you went to lie down in the clinic and left your phone with me for safekeeping.¡± ¡°And she believed that?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Good. Thanks.¡± ¡°But are you going to tell me?¡± ¡°Tell you what?¡± ¡°About your date with Orca.¡± ¡°How do you know his name? And why are you assuming it was a date?¡± ¡°Marian, did you forget? You asked us to gather all the information we could about him. We even formed an investigation team for you.¡± ¡°I asked for that? When?¡± ¡°At the start of the school year. He had just transferred here. Don¡¯t you remember?¡± ¡°No. Honestly, my memory hasn¡¯t fully returned since the accident. Can you tell me more? Was I interested in him or something? Did anything happen between us that made me ask you to investigate him?¡± ¡°No, you didn¡¯t tell us anything. You just gave us the task and told us to do it without asking questions.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re saying I never told you why?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right. You were very secretive about it, so we assumed you liked him but were too shy to admit it.¡± ¡°And what did I do after you gave me the information?¡± ¡°Nothing. You forgot about it entirely.¡± ¡°What kind of information did you gather?¡± ¡°We prepared a whole report. You liked doing things thoroughly, so we handed it to you.¡± Why didn¡¯t I think of that sooner? I should search her room if I want to learn more about her. But I¡¯d been so arrogant, convincing myself I already knew everything. The girl suddenly asked, ¡°So, where did you and Orca go? The whole school was shocked when we saw you two walking hand in hand, getting into a taxi and skipping evening classes. Won¡¯t this cause trouble with your parents?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t think much when he asked me to come with him, so I just followed.¡± ¡°Alright, but where did he take you?¡± ¡°We went to visit Nermin.¡± She looked at me, stunned, so I continued, ¡°I know you told my parents that she fought with me and asked to meet me at the pool, but all those conclusions you made about the incident are baseless. Nermeen didn¡¯t do anything wrong. She¡¯s innocent, so stop attacking her and treating her like a criminal. You¡¯ve gone too far.¡± The girl fell silent and looked down at the ground. Just then, I received a message from Melo saying he was at school to pick me up and waiting outside. I packed my things and left, deep in thought about everything Orca and that girl, Sarah, had told me. I had learned so much about Marian, yet I still felt like I knew nothing. And I couldn¡¯t believe what I already knew. Her room seemed like the perfect place to start my investigation¡ªbeginning with that report about Orca and what exactly she had wanted to know about him.