《My OP Skill is Single Use》 Prologue Prologue "Look alive, people, this satellite dungeon is already nearly a week old, we gotta crush it before it pops." Katherine Delane lifted an enormous spear-gun as she took a step towards a shimmering marble obelisk. The ragtag collection of miscreants and mercenaries behind her, the Raging Rhinos Hunter Guild, variously laughed, scoffed, spit on the ground, and followed their leader towards the dungeon. This particular dungeon was a 10 story tower of shimmering smoked glass, plopped down right in the middle of the otherwise deeply uninteresting Westhaven Shopping Plaza. "Keys ready." Delane pulled out a long, ornate metal key with her name written on it, approaching the shimmering curtain of energy at the front of the tower. "We''re going in." She slid the key into the energy field, waiting for the curtain of light to change from blue to golden yellow before stepping through. Three more figures passed through behind her. Gregor, a huge hulking man with a chainsaw strapped to his left arm grinned as he looked from side to side. "What we looking for in this place? "Reports were unhelpful as usual." Selena, a rail thin girl in skintight black leather with roughly a dozen daggers strapped to her. "Anyone who got out in one piece kept the info to themselves. Idiots really think they''ll get the chance to try again." A noise like a bug zapper went off behind them, sending the last figure flying. "Dammit Douglas." Katherine sighed. "I''m okay, I''m okay, forgot about my key." a skinny, conspicuously weaponless man in a denim jacket and oversized glasses slid through the field. "I got excited. Look at this place." "Douglas" Selena sighed at the man. "If you''re going to waste our time with things like that, at least give us your analysis about what kind of monsters we should expect in here." Douglas took a deep breath and took in the scenery. Beyond the glassy walls the tower was dark and filled with dense plant life, to the point where the ground was barely visible. "Jungle dungeon." Douglas grinned. "Monsters could be beast type, maybe plant type. I''d expect some-" "SKREEEEEE!" A blurry green shape erupted from the undergrowth, flying at the dweeb. "Yep, primitive humanoids, that''s a goblin, help me, help me, help me!!!" Douglas yelled as the goblin drove a spear at his face. Gregor cut the thing in half with one swipe of his chainsaw-glove. "Douglas. Stop cowering. You are safe." "I don''t think we''re safe yet." Douglas reached up and pulled a golden-colored playing card out of thin air. "My Advanced Mapping skill is up and I see a lot of red dots moving closer. As long as we''re in the tall grass-" Katherine fired a harpoon into the grass and pulled a writhing goblin out into the open. "They lurk in this grass because they can''t possibly fight us head to head." The massive woman shrugged, crushing the creature under a boot while pulling her spear free. "We should still clear some space." Douglas adjusted his glasses. "Gregor, could you?" "Of course, tiny friend." the giant revved his gauntlet, sending grasses flying in all directions. Two steps in, the grass shrieked, sending a geyser of blood arcing around him as well. "Found a goblin." Gregor chimed in his thick Germanic accent. "I call dibs on any little gems or hearts that come out when I cut the grass." "Pay attention, gramps." Selena hurled two daggers into a goblin that burst from the grass behind Gregor. "If you get offed, I''m not carrying you out of the dungeon." "Aw, why not? It would only be fair after I carried you in the dungeon." "Gregor, start moving to the left." Douglas adjusted his glasses again "There''s a stairwell somewhere down that passage." Quick Aside, dungeons are split into levels, with stronger monsters on each level. A stairwell is a catchall term for a method to move from level to level. They''re still called stairwells even if they take a different form, like a portal or an elevator. Some Dungeons are even layed out vertically, but the terminology still applies, even to these "Flat dungeons." And in the case of this particular dungeon, the stairwell took the form of an ornate marble fountain. "Does that..." Gregor poked an enormous finger into the water. "Does that seem odd to anyone else?" "I''ve never seen a fountain either." Katherine "Dive in, gramps." Selena patted the huge man on the back. "Worst case scenario, you''re due for a bath anyway." "Do not be rude, Selena. You are also covered in goblin blood." "You''re the reason I''m covered in goblin blood!" Douglas looked at Katherine. "Are they always like this?" "Pretty much." She shrugged. "They work well together, but they bicker in a way that only family can." "It''s kinda cute." Douglas sighed. "I haven''t been that close to my family in... a long time." Katherine smacked him on the shoulder. "Come on, Douglas, let''s get moving before they kill each other. I''d like to at least tackle the first boss before we bed down for the night." "I''ll boot up my Advanced Map and fast track us to the next couple stairwells. There should be a midboss on the 5th level. And boss?" "Yes?" "You can just call me Doug. It''s faster." "Doug... Okay." Splash! Katherine and Doug were interrupted by the sound of Gregor bodily lifting his granddaughter and dropping her directly into the fountain. They''d all share a good laugh about it later. Much later. Doug had been right, though. His Advanced Map had helped them skip most of the battles along the way to the midboss, something called a "Hobgoblin Cavalier" that died pretty quickly when Katherine harpooned it right off its horse, preventing it from using any of its mounted combat skills. Gregor, not wanting to waste anything, roasted the horse over an open fire when they made camp. "Just like that, we''re halfway." Katherine grinned down at the fire. "I didn''t think there''d be much benefit to bringing someone who can''t fight, but your map has been a big help." Doug leaned back against the wall. "I felt like a joke when I first unlocked the Skill. Who knew we''d be able to skip half the dungeon." The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. "More than half. I''ll be counting on you to take us the rest of the way to the dungeon''s final boss." "Doug!" Gregor burst suddenly into the conversation, with a heaping plate of meat. "Eat up, you''ll need your strength tomorrow and it''s almost time for bed!" Doug laughed "Thanks Gregor. I don''t know if I''ll need much in the way of strength since you guys are doing all the fighting, but I appreciate the thought." "Nonsense, boy! You need to recover Stamina for a full day of using your Skill, or else it may fail us at a crucial moment!" Gregor clasped his hands on the younger man''s shoulders "Do not underestimate your importance!" "I... guess." Doug stammered. "Yeah. Yeah, I''ve got this." And that night was the first time Doug lay down to sleep brimming with confidence in his own abilities. The next day, he would take them all the way to the boss room safely and they would conquer this dungeon! And that he did, leading them through a series of stairwells until they found themselves at the tower''s summit. The final chamber seemed to stretch out into an endless dark forest, with no sign of a boss in sight. "Whoa." Doug said, scanning his map. "It''s bigger on the inside." "Whatever you say, Doctor." Selena eyed the trees around them. "Does your magic radar sense tell you where the boss is?" "Actually the Doctor doesn''t really say that too often. Usually it''s the companions who-" "Doug. Where is the boss?" "Right, sorry..." Doug pulled up his map. "No sign of it. It''s probably got a stealth ability that lets it hide from my-" There was a blurring motion and just like that, Douglas was dragged screaming into the forest. "Dammit!" Katherine circled to face the direction where the startled man had disappeared. "We should have left him outside the boss chamber!" "He knew this job was dangerous when he took it!" Gregor revved his chainsaw gauntlet and took a step into the deadly forest. "Besides, he isn''t dead yet, we can still-" Another blur, and suddenly Gregor''s gauntlet arm was gone, missing up to the elbow. "Grandpa!" Selena''s eyes darted back and forth, searching for the mysterious entity. She pulled out her silver colored skill card. "Blade of Darkness!" Long, inky black tendrils of shadow began to seep out of her dagger. Another blurring motion, but Selena was ready, she threw the dagger and caught the monster in its furry chest. "The boss is a Sasquatch?!" Katherine called out before the shape disappeared into the trees again. "Selena, help me slow him down, Gregor, how are you holding up?" "I''ll live, Boss." Gregor held up his own Silver card, slowly encasing his body in a shell of thin, flexible stone. "I won''t take any more hits as long as I keep my Armor of the Mountain active" Selena was throwing daggers at every shadow, her eyes wide and wild. "Gramps, do you have anything that can hurt it without your saw?" "My fists are made of stone, girl." Gregor flung a wild swing into the dark. "Well... fist now..." The creature blurred out of the trees again, slamming headfirst against Gregor''s strong stone body. The look of fear on Selena''s face disappeared, replaced by a murderous grin. "Blade of Darkness: Spider Strike!" the long shadowy tendrils of darkness emanating from the dagger in the creature''s chest grew taut, contracting like rubber. "Stupid beast, you thought I was just carelessly throwing daggers all around the forest?" As the lines snapped back, they pulled the discarded daggers with them, pincushioning the Sasquatch with sharp metal. "Boss, harpoon it!" Katherine raised her spear gun directly at the creature''s head. It locked eyes with her, and screamed. *Squish* Blood leaked from the hunter''s ears as silence descended on them. The creature''s roar was literally deafening. With one arm it swiped away the daggers holding it in the shadowy web that was holding it in place. Gregor lurched forward, slamming his stone into the Sasquatch''s wounded stomach. "Scream all you want, you can''t hurt me!" The creature responded by driving both of its thumbs into Gregor''s unprotected eyes with a wet squish. "Gregor, no!" Katherine brought her spear gun to bear again. One hand brought out her skill card, a Gold card. "Black Arrow, Fly True!" she shouted as she fired the harpoon. As the skill activated, her harpoon grew in size and speed, a deadly missile that would pierce even the toughest armor. Which Katherine probably should have considered, as the Sasquatch simply lifted Gregor between itself and her, catching the projectile directly in his spine. ""Grandpa!" Selena jumped at the monster with a dagger in each hand. Weakened and slowed by the battle, it couldn''t avoid the strikes, taking both blows in the sides of its neck. "Katherine, shoot it again!" Katherine looked down at her weapon. A long cable connected the barrel of her spear gun to Gregor''s body. Was he dead, or just injured? If she finished this fight quick, would she be able to save him? What about Doug? The questions buzzed through her mind like a swarm of bees, all thoughts of the fight unable to break through. "Katherine!" Selena repeated. "You''ve got to-" *SLAM* The creature''s fists crashed down on the assassin girl on both sides, flattening her like a pancake. The towering ape man lurched toward Katherine on unsteady legs. She screamed, tears streaming down her face as it grew ever closer. It was barely holding its body together, its fur was matted with blood and its face was a ruin of cuts and bruises. It raised its brutish fist and- static. The live stream went dead. All around the store, customers made noises of annoyance and disappointment. "Hey cashier, your internet sucks ass!" an old man shouted at me. "What happened to them?" "I live near that town, what if the monsters escape while I''m driving home?" I sighed. The kind of excitement and danger that I could see in that live stream were things I could only dream of. I was just some level 1 nobody, without a single Skill Card to my name. Chapter 1: My Level 1 Life It was about 20 years ago when the Dungeons first appeared. I was only 6 at the time. We still don''t know exactly what they are, but we figured out the rules of them pretty quickly. Once a Dungeon appears, you have 10 days before it ruptures and all the monsters inside run wild in the world. This is called a Dungeon Break. My best friend, Harper, actually lost her father to a dungeon break in the early years of this crisis. Of course, with the Dungeons came the System, and the Skill Cards. Nobody really understood them either, but we all wanted them. A skill card let you perform superhuman feats. Most people would literally kill to unlock their very own skill card, Even the lowest rank, a bronze, would radically improve my life. I sighed. The router at the back of the shop had come unplugged again. I could fix it easy, but... [Current time: 19:17:42.] My system HUD flashed in my vision. I had no idea why it was in military time, but it was easier to learn that 19:17 translated to 7:17 rather than try to learn how to change it. I could pretend this was a more complex problem and dodge counter duty for another 20 minutes or so. That would get me almost all the way to the moment I could clock out at 8 o''clock. 20 more minutes not dealing with customers or worse... Ned... would be heaven. [???: Do you do nothing but avoid your problems?] A blue box with that message appeared in my vision. "What?" I blinked a few times, wondering if I was seeing things. But no, the message was real. The Heads Up Display would appear in the vision of anyone who had spent even a few hours in close proximity to a dungeon, so basically everyone had them. But I wasn''t a Hunter. I didn''t use the messaging feature, I had a phone for that. Hell, I didn''t even have any contacts in my Mental HUD to message me. I tried to swipe the message away but another one popped up immediately. [???: There you go again.] I swiped again. [???:You don''t like what I have to say so you ignore me] [???: It''s kind of sad.] [???: You''ll never get a Skill Card at this rate.] That one hurt enough that I actually stopped swiping. "Fine then." I muttered, plugging the router back in before swiping the message away and pushing through the door to the back room. On the other side of the door stood a walking corpse. "Connor. What were you doing in the back room?" asked the zombie, his voice like an old, dust covered organ in an abandoned church, croaking out its first notes in years. The shop''s manager, Ned was a pallid man with graying hair and massive bags under his eyes. His perpetually tired, zombie like expression had earned him the nickname Undead Ned among the store clerks. It was all fun and games until someone had actually said it to his face and he made a store policy banning anyone from saying the word undead in the store. Makes it real fun to outfit heroes planning to fight undead monsters, real easy communication there. "Internet went out, sir." I said quickly, then as his expression turned skeptical I added "Customers were complaining." Ned blinked, and I swear his eyelids moved out of sync. "As long as you''re keeping customers happy." he finally said "Now get back on register." With a sigh, I returned to work. I''d been here since 8 AM and I was already exhausted. Someone in front of me dropped a huge warhammer onto the counter. "Connor, looks like you''re having a good time." I looked up at the giant frame of a man in front of me. He stood nearly eight feet tall and wore glimmering armor that made him look like a medieval knight from the neck down. "Max! Didn''t realize you were in the market for a new weapon." "Yeah, there''s a new dungeon on Euclid Avenue. 20 stories this time. Figured I''d upgrade a little bit before the raid tomorrow." Max was a big shot in one of the local Hunter Guilds, something I was more than a little jealous of. That and the whole eight-feet-tall thing. I mean, I''m like, five foot seven and a half inches, I feel short all the time, but Max just makes me feel like a dwarf. "Oh nice," I rang up the hammer and gawked at the $600 price tag"Anything else you need today?" A grin spread across his face. "Oh yes. Potion seller, I need your strongest potions!" "Bah, my potions are too strong for you, traveler!" I shot back, dropping a three-pack of Full Heal potions into a plastic bag and wrapping the handles around the hammer to make it easier to carry. [???: Did you just make a Bindle? Like a hobo from an old cartoon?] I swiped away the message and handed the- fuck, I did make a Bindle didn''t I? I handed the Bindle to Max. "So is this a Guild outing or-?" "Nah, not this one. This one is Freelance. Hell, get a Dungeon Key before tomorrow morning and you can join us, too." "Us?" I gave him a curious glance. Max was Harper''s Boyfriend, and she and I had been pushing him to take her raiding for months. He didn''t answer, just kept grinning at me expectantly. I looked over at the glass case full of glimmering, secondhand Keys, same as the Hunters from the live stream had. Each one cost more than two months rent for my apartment. "Yeah, somehow that seems unlikely, but I appreciate the thought." Max laughed "Well, I''m sure I''ll see you sometime tomorrow anyway." Huh? What did that mean? I counted out the cash and change for the potions and Hammer before sending Max on his way. I checked my HUD again. [Current Time: 19:47:53] 12 minutes left on my shift. The lifeless eyes of Ned watched me from across the store, waiting to punish any sign of wanting to leave early. It was in his nature, he was a born manager, a master of the art of the buzzkill. [???: This must be that "working retail" thing I hear so much about. The power to make 12 minutes feel like 12 hours.] My curiosity finally overcame me and I opened the messenger app in my HUD [Connor: Who... are you?] [???: Oh, finally answering me are we? Been ignoring me for half an hour.] [Connor: ?] [???: I guess you could say I''m an Evaluator of sorts.] [???: I''m not really supposed to reach out to candidates directly, but something about you is so intriguing.] I took a moment to open the HUD menu and hit [Save Contact] so he''d stop showing up as "???" [Evaluator: Tell me, are you happy with your life?] [Connor: Fuck no.] [Evaluator: Then why stay where you are? Why not leave?] [Connor: People don''t do that in real life.] [Evaluator: Oh Really?] [Connor: Yes Really! I''m not the main character in a Jim Carrey movie, I didn''t find a magic mask or swear to say yes to everything. I''m just some guy.] [Evaluator: So you''re convinced that the only way you can find your way to a better life is if some life changing divine intervention falls into your lap?] [Connor: Sure, I guess. It''s hard to change your life.] [Evaluator: Tell me, how much do you know about Skill Cards?] [Connor: Skill cards? What do you want to know about them?] [Evaluator: Just tell me everything you can think of.] [Connor: Um.] [Connor: Okay.] [Connor: They come out of people''s hearts? There''s 4 different levels of rarity. Bronze, Silver, Gold, and Platinum.] [Connor: There are also three different types. Combat types help do damage to monsters, Tanking types help protect people, and Utility, which does pretty much everything else.] [Evaluator: And do you want a skill card, Connor?] [Connor: Are you kidding? I''d do anything for one.] [Evaluator: So what if I helped you unlock one right now?] [Connor: Haha. Yeah right. I''ll file that one right between "hot single moms in your area" and "Double your penis size with this one easy trick" in my spam folder.] It finally made sense, phishing scams where they promised you skill cards were big these days. [Evaluator: I mean it, if you unlocked a skill card right now, would you quit your job? Become a Hunter? Join a guild?] [Evaluator: Do you think that your life would improve if only you got this magic card?] [Connor: Obviously.] [Evaluator: Alright then. Your shift is about to end, by the way.] [Current Time: 19:58:33] Shit, I got distracted by this weird spammer. I looked up and came face to face with the horrific zombie-like face of Ned, inches away from mine. "Connor, are you paying attention to your work?" "Of course. But there''s no Customers." I gestured to the empty store. "A wonderful observation, Mr. Connor. Since the last few minutes of your work day were so easy, why don''t you close the shop for me today?" My heart sank. That would take at least thirty minutes. The fakest of all possible smiles spread across my face. "Not a problem, sir." If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Without a further word, Undead Ned walked out of the front door. [Evaluator: He seems like an Asshole.] [Connor: He is.] [Connor: Wait, can you SEE me?] [Evaluator: I''d hardly be a good Evaluator if I couldn''t keep track of you, would I?] [Evaluator: Anyway, Connor Steinguild, I, the System Evaluator of your sector, have determined that you are worthy of a Skill Card.] My heart skipped a beat. Was that really possible? I had my doubts but if he could see me... [Connor: What, really?] [Evaluator: No, not really. But I think it would be funny, so take one anyway.] [Evaluator: By the way, you got one detail wrong] My vision blurred as a shimmering light started to blaze in my chest. I fell to my knees as I felt the world around me start to spin. The light coalesced into a small, thin rectangle that slowly drifted its way out of my chest. [Evaluator: See, you said there were four rarities of card, but there''s actually 5. Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum...] The skill card took form from the light. I couldn''t believe it, it looked like a Platinum, but it was off somehow. Fancier. Like a holographic Pokemon card. [Evaluator: And then at the very top, there''s the Super Platinum. There''s only a Handful in the entire world.] [Evaluator: They''re powerful enough to rocket a man to the very top of the Hunter Rankings.] [Evaluator: And now there''s one more.] It took me a little time to get my feet back under me. I was in shock [Card Name: Underworld Emperor] [Card Rarity: S. Platinum] [Card Type: Utility] [Card Effect 1 (Passive effect) Deathwalker: You are no longer susceptible to poison, disease, exhaustion, or ill effects from hunger or thirst. You may still get benefits or enjoyment from eating or drinking, but it is no longer a necessity.] [Card Effect 2 (Triggered Effect) Memento Mori: If any Hunter or Monster with a skill dies within 21(Intellect x1) feet of you, you gain one of their skills at random. This skill does not take up one of your skill deck slots, however, if you lose access to this card, you will also lose access to all skills gained from this ability.] [Card Effect 3: Storming Hell''s gate(Activated Effect): Warning! The Skill Storming Hell''s Gate is a Limited Use ability. Once it is used, you will lose access to All effects of this card. By activating this ability, you can select one valid target-] "What the fuck!?" I shouted, looking down at the card. "I''ve never heard of a card doing something like this before!" I read through the rest of the ability. Holy shit, I''d never seen a card capable of anything like this before. It may have been the most powerful card effect I''d ever heard of, but could I really justify using it if it lost me the entire card? I mean, you need to have a good card just to qualify for membership in most guilds. I might be able to live a better life by holding onto the card rather than actually using it. Or maybe I was just falling into that old Gamer mentality of never using limited use abilities, like how I always get to the end of Baldur''s Gate 3 and realize I never used Shadowheart''s Divine Intervention. Either way, it did me no good if I didn''t do anything with it. If I only had some good equipment... Wait a second, I was so distracted by the evaluator and by reading the card''s effects that I never bothered to shut down the cash register. I could still buy a few things and make it to Max''s dungeon raid tomorrow! [Evaluator: Look at you, actually following through and doing something with your life. Here I thought it was just a bluff.] [Connor: You''re still here?] [Evaluator: Oh, you can''t get rid of me that easily.] [Connor: Well, yes. I told you I was going to change if I got a skill card.] [Evaluator: Of course. I''d never accuse you of being the sort of person who just used a lame excuse to shift the blame for their lack of progress in life onto external forces. How uncouth.] [Connor: Whatever] [Connor: Now leave me alone for a while, I have to figure out what to buy for the Raid.] [Evaluator: You think you can do that with no information about the dungeon?] [Connor: I work in an item shop, I have plenty of information!] [Evaluator: Like what?] [Connor: Max bought a hammer, right? So whatever he''s fighting is gonna be armored.] [Connor: And in the last few days, we''ve sold out of poison antidotes every single day.] [Evaluator: Oh really?] [Connor: Not only that, but Max was wearing heavy armor. Heavy armor works best for fights with lots of little enemies, not small groups of big enemies.] [Connor: Armor, poison, and big groups of enemies? That means Bug type monsters. I''d bet my shiny new skill card on it.] [Evaluator: Oh, impressive. You might actually have a brain somewhere inside all that thick skull after all.] [Connor: Your approval means everything to me, I truly mean that.] [Evaluator: And you have Sass, too. Look at you go.] I ignored that last message and walked over to the weapons display. Bugs had armored exoskeletons that made bladed weapons almost useless, but blunt weapons were perfect for them. I grabbed the first mace I could lay my hands on. It was an extremely basic weapon, but it should get me through the first several levels. I definitely couldn''t afford any of the Full Heal Potions that Max bought earlier, but a Lesser Healing Potion was way more in my budget, so I put one in a bag for myself. "Last but definitely not least." I whispered as I approached the display case of Dungeon Keys. If I went through with this... If I bought one of these keys... I''d have no choice but to become a Hunter. I''d be putting myself in a ridiculous amount of debt for the hope to make more money than I''d ever seen in one place at the same time. And if I failed, things would be even worse for me than they were now. I''d probably land up in a level of debt I''d never be able to escape from. [Evaluator: Let me guess, even with one of the best skills in the game, you''re about to pussy out and go back to your life as a minimum wage item shop cashier.] Dammit. I unlocked the display case and started rifling through the keys. Whichever one I bought, it''d be my key for my entire career so I needed to pick one that fit me. Dungeon keys were a bizarre phenomenon, any key in the world could spontaneously transform into a dungeon key, giving anyone handling it a tingly electric feeling when they touched it. Anyone who had their keys transformed could sell them to stores like us for a tidy profit, and we sold them to aspiring Hunters for top dollar. My hand came away with an old iron key, but it looked like something that would open a Victorian Sanatorium. Another one was small and golden, and looked like it was meant to wind a clock. It was TOO small, I''d lose it for sure. [Evaluator: You''re stalling.] [Connor: Fuck off, I really do need to pick the right one!] [Evaluator: 50 bucks says the Right one isn''t here and you head home without one, doomed to go home and cry into a plate of instant mac and cheese and a mountain dew.] I pulled a car key, an airport locker key, and a house key from the display case. Sigh. None of them were MY key, you know. You know when you have the right one. But maybe the voice had a point. Maybe I should settle for something that- This time I pulled out an enormous round key ring, the kind janitors carry. All the keys but one, a single, bulky door key marked "Broom Closet," had been removed. [Evaluator: Really? You want to live the rest of your life with a dungeon key from Scruffy the Janitor?] [Connor: The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long, Hrm-hmm.] I locked the case and ran my Mace, potion, and key through the weird scanny thing next to the cash register. I don''t know what its called, sue me. The machine spat out a price that could almost be mistaken for a phone number and I made several unintelligible sounds of vague protest. Pulling out my credit card I felt physical pain as I tapped the chip against the register and heard the beep of a sale going through. [Evaluator: Holy shit, you actually did it. I actually lost money on that one. Sandra from HR is gonna eat well tonight.] [Connor: I told you I would.] [Connor: Wait, who the hell is Sandra? HR? Do you work for a company?] [Evaluator: I like to believe that I fuck with you just enough that nothing I say can be taken as evidence of anything.] I rolled my eyes at the message as I passed through the shop''s front door and locked it behind me. As the lock clicked, I whispered a goodbye to my level one life. Chapter 2: An Eldritch Being from Beyond the Stars [Evaluator: Hey, kid. Good morning!] [Connor: Ugh. what time is it?] [Evaluator: You can literally see the time whenever you want by looking slightly up.] [Connor: Oh right.] [Current time 05:38:47] [Connor: Five in the morning? Really?] [Evaluator: Hey, I''m just excited to see how much you plan on changing your life based on some trolling in the DMs and Dumbo''s Magic Playing Card.] [Connor: The Euclid Avenue Raid isn''t until 10, why are you waking me up like 4 hours early?] [Evaluator: Maybe I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, huh? Did you think of that?] [Connor: It''s not my birthday. My birthday is...] [Connor: Oh. Shit.] [Connor: It IS my birthday.] I''m one of those people who has big events sneak up on them every year. Especially when I spend so much time at work. Last year I actually spent the first day of my vacation at work because I forgot when my vacation started. Ned... never actually paid me for that day. Called it "Volunteering." I''m starting to feel better about leaving without notice. I looked around my cramped one bedroom apartment sparsely populated by battered Ikea furniture. Maybe I could find SOMETHING, some way to make the day special before I head out. Gaming? No, I do that every day. Reading a book? Eh, I mostly listen to audiobooks now, and that''s how I like it. Maybe I can cook something? Yeah, yeah that sounds like the way to go. I tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, ready to make myself a nice, filling breakfast for my first day delving dungeons. I opened the fridge. "Let''s see what we''re working with here..." Inside was... four ketchup packets, and a green pepper I bought when I was feeling optimistic about my ability to eat vegetables. That was fine, no problem. Everyone knows you keep most of the good food in the freezer, right? So it''ll keep. Obviously my good food was in the freezer. Aaaaand I had three Popsicles and a bag of ice. Why did I have a bag of ice? I don''t even have a cooler... Ugh, I slammed the doors of the fridge shut and sank onto my lumpy futon. Maybe I could actually eat the green pepper? No, that was madness talking. Madness and desperation. [Evaluator: Kid, I don''t want you to take this the wrong way but... you''re kinda pathetic huh?] [Connor: I want to argue with that but honestly, I don''t have a huge amount of evidence to the contrary right now.] [Evaluator: Well, look on the bright side. At least you know to surround yourself with smarter, more competent people than you. You don''t have a choice, they''d literally have to be slugs or something to be dumber or less competent, but it''s something.] [Connor: Do you come with a mute button or something?] [Evaluator: Nope. You''re stuck with me until you die or I get bored.] I started to type up a message demanding to know what this mystery evaluator meant by that when I was interrupted by the sound of the door buzzer. Who''d be visiting me at this hour? [Evaluator: Yeah, imagine someone going out of their way to socialize with you?] [Connor: Hey, I can''t be that bad. You''re here.] [Evaluator: To me, you''re like, half charity case, half reality TV show. Like if they sent a bunch of orphans to the island from Survivor.] [Connor: Fuck you] [Connor: ...] [Connor: Honestly, I''d watch Survivor: Orphan Island if they made it] [Evaluator: Me too. We should write a letter to CBS] I hit the speaker button on the intercom. "Yo, who is it?" "Happy birthday, Connor!" A young woman''s voice chirped through the speaker. My face lit up "Harper! Get up here!" I punched in the code to unlock the building''s front door, then flung open the door to my apartment. There she was. Cynthia Harper, my best friend since childhood. I was used to seeing her in jeans and a tank top, or big bulky sweaters, but for some reason, today she was wearing a neat three piece business suit complete with pencil skirt and a briefcase. I bet I could guess what she had planned today. "Come here, you!" She dropped the briefcase as soon as she was inside and pulled me straight into a great big hug. "Be honest, did you forget it was your birthday again?" "...No. Maybe. Shut up!" I looked away from her. "Did you show up at like 6 AM just for me? You''re not even usually awake this early." "I knew you''d forget. I wanted to make sure you knew someone remembered, so here." She reached down, the silver glimmer of a skill card appearing in her hand briefly, as she used her special skill, Snatch, to pull a plastic bag out from behind the briefcase. "You have clean plates and forks I hope?" she said, pulling out a small round cake birthday cake. "Paper plates and plastic forks. Always clean." I grinned. "You''re terrible for the environment." she scoffed as she pulled a couple paper plates off the top of my fridge. "I''m going to buy you real plates next year." "They''ll go to waste." I laughed, sitting back down on the futon. Harper put a massive slice of cake in front of me. White cake with vanilla frosting and fondant flowers. The cake in front of me was absolutely littered with the frosting flowers. My absolutely perfect slice of cake. "You got extra flowers?" "I remembered they''re your favorite." I slid my fork into the cake, cutting one of the decorative flowers in half and bringing the bite to my mouth. The frosting melted in my mouth. Pure. Undiluted. Heaven. "So." I said with my mouth still full. "What''s with the suit and briefcase? Going somewhere fancy? Oooo, is it yours and Max''s anniversary already?" "Swallow before you talk." she stuck her tongue out at me. [Evaluator: If I had a nickel for every time I''ve said that.] [Connor: Oh my god, stop.] "No, that''s not for another few months. But I am going to see him later today. That''s why I had to come so early, sorry if I woke you." "Nah, I woke up like half an hour ago." I yawned. "Max is going on that raid later today, right?" Harper''s face lit up with surprise. "You know about the Euclid Avenue raid? "He was at Undead Ned''s shop last night. Buying a new hammer and some potions." "Dammit, he''s supposed to be saving money." Harper sighed and took a bite of the cake. "But yeah, he''s going to the raid. And..." She dropped the briefcase in front of her and opened the lid. "So am I." I felt like I was looking into the glowing briefcase from Pulp Fiction, Except instead of Marcellus Wallace''s soul inside was some kind of complex mechanical looking Compound Bow, an arrow, and a dungeon key, a big, brass, old fashioned key with a orange tassel on it. "I had a feeling you might be. What got Max to finally go along with it?" I looked at her quizzically. "It Max''s idea this time, actually. He says that the Guilds watch a lot of freelance raids to decide who to recruit." she closed the briefcase back up and set it aside. The case made a weird squishing sound as it hit the floor and we realized at the same time... "I dropped the briefcase in frosting..." "You dropped the briefcase in frosting." we shared a laugh as she pulled a mostly empty roll of paper towels out of the kitchen with her Snatch skill. "I think you''ve got a pretty good shot at impressing someone in the guilds." "I don''t think I''m anything special." She looked uneasy as she wiped down the briefcase. "Don''t sell yourself short." I smirked at her. "You just need to get out there and show off that skill of yours. I guarantee you, once those Hunters see your Snatch, they won''t be able to get enough of you!" Harper groaned. "Phrasing, Connor." "I''m just saying, your Snatch is incredible. Let a few guild scouts see it and you''re guaranteed a spot somewhere. People will be coming from far and wide to get a peek at Harper''s Snatch!" If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. She chucked a hunk of the frosting at me. I caught it in my mouth. "Seriously, I don''t know. Their standards are pretty high. My skill-" I started to make another joke, but she hit me with a glare and I wisely decided the joke had run its course. For now. "is only silver rank, and I''m only level 12." A look of concern flashed across her face. "Er, sorry Connor, I know complaining about that is kind of insensitive when you''re level 1 and don''t have a skill card." "I think you mean ''When I''m level 1.''" I grinned at her and let the statement hang in the air for a few moments. It was so nice to watch the emotions run across her face in rapid succession. Confusion. Surprise. Then excitement. "You got a skill?" "Last night." I said, "And you aren''t going to believe the rarity." "If you got a gold, I swear to god." Harper shook a fist at me in a comical "why you little" sort of gesture. "Well, I didn''t get a gold." I said, Bringing the shimmering holographic platinum card into existence between me and Harper on the table. If she looked surprised when I told her I had a card, now she looked like I just dropped a winning lottery ticket in front of her. "Is this a platinum card? I''ve never even seen one before..." She flipped the card over in her hands, reading through it. "S. Platinum? I always thought those were a myth. This is a prank, right? You, like, spray painted an old yugioh card or something." "Nope" I reached out one hand, as if I was expecting her to give it back, and the card dissolved in her hand. I felt the comforting warmth of it returning to my skill slot as Harper looked at me in awe. "You know what this means, right? If you become a hunter with that card, you''ll be rich! Famous!" I felt a pang of sadness. "There''s a catch. Two really." She looked at me concerned. "Go on..." "It''s a utility card. It''s a really damn good one, with three really good effects, but... did you see the Westhaven Mall live stream last night? The Raging Rhinos brought in a Utility skill guy and got demolished." "Ah yeah. Doug Chaplan. I heard he was the only survivor. The Bigfoot thing knocked him out and left him in a bush." "Really? How''d he get out?" "The bush was right near the stairwell. He slipped out as soon as he woke up. Told the reporters that he used his map to slip past all the monsters just like he did on the way up." "Huh. Good for him." I actually wasn''t expecting a happy ending. Well, kind of happy, one survivor is better than none." "You said there were two issues with your card. What''s the other one?" "Oh right. It has some passive bonuses and triggered abilities that I can use freely, but the card''s activated effect... If I use it, I lose the entire skill card. I''ll only be able to use the best ability of the card once, and it''ll cost me everything." "I... I''ve never heard of that before." Harper looked down at her own card "Usually when there''s a restriction, it lowers the base value of the card. There''s no way it could have that serious a drawback and still be an S. Platinum Card, right?" Knowing what it could do, knowing the activated effect that Harper hadn''t had time to read before I snatched the card back, I disagreed. Underworld Emperor: Class U was absolutely an S. Platinum Card, drawback or no. [Evaluator: Damn straight. That has to be the most OP card we''ve ever made. If we didn''t put that restriction on it, you''d just be a god.] I didn''t argue. The mystery voice was right. I... really needed to name him at some point. [Evaluator: Name "Him?" Did you just assume my gender?] [Connor: Will you stop reading my mind?] [Connor: Also, fuck, sorry.] [Connor: Are you a woman? Or maybe some sort of all powerful genderless eldritch being from beyond the stars? Or both?] [Evaluator: Hah, what I am is messing with you. I am in fact a dude. Though if you wanted to think of me as an all powerful eldritch being from beyond the stars I do find the thought flattering.] [Connor: Ass.] [Evaluator: Seriously though, you can just keep calling me the Evaluator. My job was to pick someone to give a rare card to, and now my job is to Evaluate how you use it.] [Connor: Great. I thrive under constant judgment.] [Connor: That was sarcasm by the way.] "Connor?" I looked up from the message to realize Harper was still talking to me. "You zoned out on me there, buddy. Did you hear me?" "Uh, sorry. Lost in thought" I couldn''t exactly tell her I was getting messages from some mystery evaluator who claimed to be from the system. I''d get locked away. "Would you mind repeating what you just said?" "I said what does the card do? If it warrants that kind of restriction, it must be something really cool, right? The power was called storming hell''s gate, so is it like some sort of super powerful instant kill move that drags the target to hell, regardless of HP?" I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. "I... don''t want to talk about it." The card''s actual power was too great to spread around and... I love Harper, we''ve been friends for most of our lives, but do you know the three quickest ways to spread information? Telephone, telegraph. Tell a friend. "I''m probably not going to use the activated ability anyway. As long as I have this card, I don''t need to eat, do you have any idea how much money that will save me? I''m pretty sure I don''t have to sleep either. I slept maybe 4 hours last night and I still feel rested, like I slept in until noon." A tinge of judgment shined in Harper''s eyes "So what, you got a superpower and you''re going to use it to coast through life?" "I want to live a comfortable life. If that makes me a coaster, put a drink on me." I grinned and picked up my shopping bag from the floor. "Besides, I do have big plans now that I have this. You''re not the only one who''s planning on going to the raid today." I jingled my new dungeon key on its giant janitor key ring. "Bought this on the way out of the store yesterday." "Oh shit! Do you have a party yet?" I shook my head. "Haven''t had time. You mind if I tag along with you and Max?" "Of course." She put a hand on my shoulder. "We have a healer lined up but that still leaves us with a couple free spots in the party." [Evaluator: Ah, codependence. You want to improve your life? Leech off of a successful friend!] [Connor: Is everything you say ridiculously jaded?] [Evaluator: Not at all. I also say things that are cynical] I ignored the message and turned my attention back to Harper. "Oh, so have I met this mystery healer?" "I don''t know. She goes to the same coffee shop as I do." She shrugged. "I told her about our plans to go raiding and now she''s coming along." "I swear your ability to meet people and recruit them for things is a genuine superpower." "It''s really not anything special. Anyone can meet people." she scoffed. "I haven''t met a new person in like 5 years." I shrugged back. "I''m starting to think I met all the people there are. Shame, really, there''s not that many that I like." [Evaluator: Don''t sell yourself short. You''ve met me. I''m new.] [Connor: That''s why I specified new people, Mr. Eldritch horror.] [Evaluator: That''s... extremely hurtful. Eldritch Horrors are people too.] [Evaluator: Seriously though. I was just kidding about the immortal being from beyond the stars thing. Or was I? Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUN] I stared at the message. Did the Evaluator just try to do a dramatic sting through text? What is my life turning in to? Chapter 3: Carddigger The morning was nice and we had plenty of time so Harper and I ended up walking to the Euclid Avenue dungeon. "So her name is Caroline, she actually used to work in the coffee shop before she became a hunter. She''s single by the way." She waggled her eyebrows at me. "Come on, don''t tell me that. I''m about to meet her for the first time, I don''t want that kind of pressure." "Okay, okay. I mean if you become a hunter, you''ll be making a lot more money and have a lot more time on your hands. It might be good to start looking." "Later. And not at work." I shook my head. "This is her job and only real creeps hit on girls at their jobs." "Fair" Harper nodded. "Extremely fair. I used to hate it when it happened to me. Just... don''t rule it out if you guys get along okay?" "Fine, lets see what she''s like. We almost there yet?" I started looking around for the dungeon. Sure enough, I saw a massive stone mound in the center of the park. Cave entrances run up and down the sides of the mini-mountain. "Oh, look, over there!" she pointed into the crowd "They''re already here!" I looked over to see Max, still in his full suit of armor, waving at us. Right next to him was a short blonde girl in a white robe. "Hey man, it''s good to see you." Max offered a fist bump "You come to cheer us on in the dungeon?" "Hah, not this time." I tapped my fist against his. "Harper said you have a slot open, so I figured I''d come along. Got my dungeon key and everything." "Really? You sure you''ve got what it takes, Connor?" Max looked down at me. "This is a real dungeon. Like the one on the livestream last night." I pulled my mace from my bag. "Got a weapon too. I''m sure there''s a learning curve but I''m also sure you guys will keep me alive long enough to get the hang of it." "We''ll do our best." The girl in the white robe, Caroline I assumed, extended a hand for me to shake. "Connor Steinguild," I took it. "Pleasure to meet you. Have you been dungeon crawling long?" "Long enough. I''m level 10 and I have one each of Bronze and Gold Utility Skills." Harper smiled at her. "Nice, I just hit level 12 from training and repelling Dungeon Breaks, but I only have one silver Utility Skill." "And I''m Level 19 with a Gold Tanking Skill." Max slammed his gauntleted fists against his breast plate like Tarzan. "I don''t imagine Connor has too much to offer the group, no offense." That one hurt. I had to tamp down the urge to rub my shiny new S. Platinum card in his face. It would feel good, but I didn''t want my secret to get out until I had a game plan on how to use my card to actually improve my life. And besides, that''s probably not a good way to treat a friend, even one that''s being a jerk right now. "Hey, that''s not fair." Harper blurted. "Connor has a Skill Card now, he''ll be able to pull his weight." Dammit Harper. "Oh yeah?" Max grinned "That''s great news, kiddo. What rarity is it?" Harper drew in a breath to answer. Fuck, even if the news got out that I had a skill, I didn''t want her to spill the full details. There had to be something I could do- "It''s a platinum card!" I panic yelled. Max and Caroline just stared at me like I''d grown an extra head. Fuck, I should have said something more normal, like silver or gold. "He has a-" Max started. "Platinum card!?" Caroline finished. I started frantically drawing my hand across my own throat, hoping they''d get the picture and not make a big deal of things. It... did not work. "What kind is it?" "Is it single ability or multiple?" "When did you unlock it?" "Will you show me? Please please please?" "If you show her you''ve gotta show me, I''m your friend, you literally just met her." "Enough!" I took a couple steps back from them and raised my hands. "I just got it last night and I''m still... pretty overwhelmed by it. I''m not even sure if it''ll be useful in there, but I''m going to try anyway. I may only be level 1, but everyone starts at level 1, right?" The two of them exchanged a look... and then burst out laughing. Max smacked me on the shoulder. I''m sure he thought he was being playful but I almost fell over "That''s the spirit, kid, it''s never too late to start grinding!" "Agh, don''t call me kid, we''re the same age." "If this platinum card thing is for real, we should definitely get to know each other." Caroline''s voice dripped with sultry energy all of a sudden "I wanna see what kind of guy awakens that rare of a card." [Evaluator: Oh my god, she''s a carddigger.] [Connor: That is... not a thing.] [Evaluator: I see it all the time. Guy gets a fancy new card, shows it off, and then boom: Drowning in bitches.] [Connor: I''m positive that''s not what''s happening. Also never say "Drowning in bitches" again] [Evaluator: Just saying...] I was torn from my thoughts by a loud Siren going off from the area near the dungeon. A woman with glasses and a ponytail stepped up on a small stage and started speaking into a megaphone. "Attention, Hunters! The freelance dungeon raid is about to begin! Please line up in groups of 3 to 5 and have your dungeon keys ready! Groups will be allowed in at five minute intervals until all groups are inside. When you start down a dungeon path, please mark it with the chalk in your dungeon kit. Other parties are not to travel down a marked path unless there are no unmarked paths left. In that case, go down the path with the least markings. Remember the boss monsters on every fifth level are first come first served, so don''t forget-" This went on for a while and I started to tune her out. A different intern with an emerald green pixie cut handed out duffel bags. "That''s the dungeon kit." Max must have seen my baffled look. "It has a first aid kit, chalk, energy bars, water rations, few other things." "Oh cool, I didn''t realize they gave us free stuff." I slung the duffel bag over my shoulder. "They don''t always, but they usually do for the freelance raids." he nodded towards another group nearby. They were swinging swords around, slaughtering a horde of imaginary goblins. "For the noobs, you understand. By the time you''re in a guild they expect you to have your shit together, but they like to give the new guys a chance." I looked over the nearest group. A man in a Blue tracksuit was talking into a hovering camera drone. "What up, my Chill Crew! We''re doing a three-man collab with Magmegan and Spark-dog for the new Dungeon on Euclid Avenue-" I stared at the man. "You don''t, uh...You don''t know who that is, do you?" "Oh yeah. That''s YetiMan Chillz." Max rolled his eyes. "He''s part of some big livestreamer guild." "Like the Rhinos?" I ask, scratching my head. "Nah, the Rhinos took it seriously. They just happened to livestream it. These guys are Streamers first, Hunters second." Harper put an arm around Max "Take it easy, love. They''re not that bad." "I know." Max sighed. "It just gets to me. Most streamer Hunters get really good Skill cards and waste them on chasing clout." Caroline fluttered her eyelashes in... Chilli Yatzi Mama''s direction. "I''ve heard of these three. They''re part of a guild just for streamers. They''re not the friendliest but they do have..." She gulped and I swear her eyes widened "s- SUPER RARE SKILL CARDS" She actually stuttered over the idea of rare skill cards. She was practically drooling. [Connor: Okay, you might have a point about this... carddigger thing.] [Evaluator: I''m never wrong. You should listen to me more often.] [Connor: Hah! Yeah right.] [Evaluator: Hey, if you want to ignore good advice, that''s none of my business.] I sighed and looked back up to my friends. Wait a second... "Where''d Harper go?" I was alone with Max and Caroline and people were already being let in to the dungeon. Where on earth... "You know her, she... does this." Max laughed. "She''ll be back before our group goes in. I''m sure she''s-" "She''s over there." Caroline pointed over at the group of streamers. Harper was standing in front of an older man in a suit. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. "That makes sense." I nodded. "She does that." "Yep." Max nodded too. "She saw an interesting person, she wants to go talk to them." "That''s probably how she met you." I pointed out. Caroline looked stunned. "People just do that?" I laughed "Not normal people. Harper''s people skills are a superpower. Maybe she secretly has a platinum card too." "God, could you imagine Harper with a social skills boosting card?" Max asked "Actually kind of scary. She''d be like a Bene Gesseret." "You''d have to get her one of those little needle things to fight with." "I hold the Gom Jabbar at your throat!" "Umm." Caroline cut in "If you guys are done riffing I don''t think it''s going well over there." A girl in a red Tracksuit had a gold card in her hand. Flames were licking off of it, like a bonfire just about to go out of control. "We should go." Max started moving towards the group. I started following him. Not really sure what my plan was without any combat abilities. [Evaluator: You can be Moral Support.] [Connor: "Moral Support" is just code for "Doesn''t do anything but we invited him so he doesn''t feel left out."] [Evaluator: See, you''d be a natural at that. That''s like your whole life.] As we approached I realized how incredibly snooty the man''s voice was. It had an extra punchable quality, like... like an adult Draco Malfoy being played by Andy Dick. "And what makes you think you can come over here and talk to me? Do you know who I am?" "Well no," Harper''s voice was tinged with irritation. "That''s the reason I came over here to begin with." "Haha, how foolish you are. I''ll bet you don''t have a single skill card over a bronze." "Silver, actually." Harper shot back, as the three of us came up behind her. I noticed the confidence in Red Tracksuit''s eyes waver a little now that the numbers weren''t on their side any more. "Ooooo, Silver" said the colossal prick. "My Guild requires at least a gold for entry.We are the leading guild for high-subscriber livestreamers in the tri-state area, you know. Maybe if you can develop that skill of yours into a gold, you can earn the right to talk to me, but in the meantime, know your place." [Connor: What on earth is he talking about?] [Evaluator: He''s talking Card Evolution. Repeated use can cause a skill card to develop new or stronger abilities. Enough development and they can go up in rarity.] "Not only that, but the three Hunters I''m bringing in to the Dungeon today all have unique gold rarity combat cards." I locked eyes with Max. A text box opened over his head. [Add Max Dennison to your HUD Contact List?] [Y/N] I selected yes. [Connor: Do you also want to show this asshole up?] [Max: Oh, so badly.] [Connor: Let''s show off. You go first.] "Oh man!" Max laughed haughtily, matching this rich prick''s energy perfectly. "You think that scares us?" Max pulled out his Golden Card. Red Tracksuit lowered her hands, letting her flames die down. "Ah, you must be the leader." Black Knight snarked "I can''t imagine a group like this would have two gold carders." "Ahem" Caroline cleared her throat and held up her gold card. "You were saying?" That was good, she didn''t need to be told what was going on. That was a good sign that we''d work well as a party. Now Blue Tracksuit and Yellow Tracksuit were starting to look nervous. I really needed a better goon name management system. This was getting untenable. [Evaluator: Don''t call them goons. You''re on the internet enough to know that word''s got... new connotations.] [Connor: ... Ew] Even the rich dick was starting to show cracks in his composure a little. "I see how it is. You two are the ringers to compensate for Miss Silver and... this one." he finally seemed to notice I was there. "An unskilled if I''ve ever seen one." Harper stepped to the front of the group again. The tracksuit triplets converged in front of their boss like some kind of goon shield. "I''ll have you know that Connor-" "Harper!" I put my hand on her shoulder. I wanted to keep my skill somewhat secret. "We don''t have to waste our time with this guy. Anyone who won''t share their name when asked is someone who has something to be ashamed of. He probably wants to think he''s from a more important family than he is." "How dare y-" We interrupted him by turning around and walking away. I''d gone to school with people like this, he raised a fuss because he thought we''d grovel and apologize and feed his ego. Ignoring him would absolutely kill him. "Come back here!" I felt his hand lock around my wrist as he pulled me around to face him. Behind him the Tracksuits were milling around, not wanting to follow but close enough to fry me if I tried to hurt their boss. "I''d let go of me if I were you. You''re a bit out of your depth." His beady eyes flashed with rage. "What did you say to me? Since you care so much about my name, it''s Nicholas James Hoster, Owner of Hoster Arms and Armaments, the largest dungeon equipment contractor in the world, and I-" "Talk a lot of shit for someone who thinks Double Gold is a life goal." I held up my free hand between us, using his body to block it from the rest of the crowd''s view. In my palm was my Skill Card. My theory was right, if I held it just right it was mostly indistinguishable from a normal Platinum skill card. My other theory, that going up against someone with a bigger metaphysical dick than his would take the wind out of Hoster''s sails, was also correct. He just stood there, making horrific croaking sounds like someone choking on a fishbone. "Next team, to the front!" Pixie cut called through her megaphone. "Next team to the front!" "That''s us she''s calling for." I said to the stunned man. "Would you kindly remove your hand from me? Because if you don''t, it''s coming into the dungeon with me, and I''m afraid the rest of you isn''t invited." He hurled himself backwards, falling over with a clatter. The Tracksuit Trio rushed to help him as we turned and headed to the dungeon entrance. "Everyone hold your dungeon keys out for registration." Pixie cut called as we approached. "If you are a new Hunter please submit your key for engraving." Harper and I both handed the girl our keys. She placed them in two small crystalline boxes and turned back to us "Names?" "Cynthia Harper." "Connor Steinguild." Pixie cut typed something into a small handheld tablet. "Please place your hands on the crystal with your key inside and wait a moment." I''d heard there was some kind of ritual for your first dungeon delve but I had no idea what it was. I set my hand against the box. It was warm to the touch, and somehow I knew my key was inside. Something instinctive told me that''s where it was, like it was a part of me. It felt just as natural as knowing where my arm was when I had my eyes closed. There was a flash of light and the crystal box shrank and twisted, before vanishing. There was my key, my name engraved on the side in small, glowing letters. "Now the keys are bound to the two of you, you''ll always know where they are and nobody but the two of you will be able to use them to get into a dungeon. Your key will act as your Hunter''s license so be sure you keep it on hand. When you approach the dungeon''s reality manipulation field or RMF, press the key against it to be allowed to enter, if you do not press the key to the RMF the dungeon will reject you. Have a nice first crawl, you two!" I liked Pixie cut, she was peppy. Harper and I shared a quick look, and I used the opportunity to add her to my HUD''s contact list. "Ready to go?" "You know it." She grinned at me. "Last one in the dungeon is a goblin snack!" I put my key out in front of me. I pressed the key into the shimmering curtain of energy in front of the cave mouth. I took a deep breath, and when the curtain changed from blue to gold, I took my first step into the dungeon.