《Hold Me Close, Not Tight》


 Prologue - Camille

    Prologue


    ¡°Camille¡±


    Word Count: 2940


    You know what¡¯s interesting?


    Life.


    Life sure is something.


    Just imagine, a single seed, barely sizing the tip of my finger, can grow into a behemoth of a tree so fast. It may take a few years, but looking at its meager beginnings right now, it¡¯s hard to fathom just how much it¡¯ll have to go through to become that tree. Days it spent hiding from the jaws of creatures ten times bigger than it. Its spirit steeled as it withstood the cold spells of mid-Vernal. It had a past, it¡¯s living in the present, and it¡¯s moving towards a bright future.


    That kernel has stories to tell.


    Now consider every other form of life. Imagine every elephant, every dog. Every. Single. Bug. Just stories upon stories. A number uncountable. An end unreachable. Growing towards infinity with no limit in sight.


    And yet.


    Though I too am a living being.


    I feel as though I could sum up the entirety of my life on one hand. At this point in time my stories add up to only three memories, but at least that will make this a quick tale.


    So hello, my name is Camille D''Alembert.


    I am seventeen years old, but I will be turning eighteen by Junius of next year. Living in Kalveris City in the nation of Aurelia-Fields, I spend each and every day with my family.


    My father, Antoine D''Alembert, is the head of our unit. My mother, Odessa D''Alembert, is the keeper of the house. My brother Damien, older by one year, is my father¡¯s favorite company. And I am my mother¡¯s assistant.


    As a daughter of the D''Alembert bloodline, I am incredibly fortunate to have my position. The estate my father bears is large, his contemporaries praise him heartily, we see visitors each and every week, and never have I gone hungry.


    As a family of high standing, every single one of us has a role to play. Mother, Damien, I¡­ as members of Father¡¯s household, our goal is to bring him even greater glory.


    Mother will clean the lodge meticulously everyday and cook for the family before nightfall when Damien and Father return home. Damien will study his schoolbooks, grow his strength, and practice his story-telling for when Father¡¯s colleagues come over before finally marrying higher and taking over Father¡¯s estate. I will maintain my beauty and learn a woman¡¯s duties before my eventual marriage into another family.


    Yes, it¡¯s all very wonderful.


    Just like cogs in a grandfather clock all working together to tell the time. And when the hands strike twelve, we will know that all of our hard work is complete and Father will finally be strong and satisfied.


    I actually often think about my marriage; in fact, I sort of long for it. Not because of the fanciful wedding or even the man I¡¯ll be wedded to. No, instead because maybe I¡¯ll be able to see the sky in its entirety. That day I¡¯ll feel the wind on my skin and just perhaps¡­ feel soft blades of grass sliding past my ankles. Even if it was only for the hour that the ceremony would take place, those moments would just be perfect.


    Ah, I now realize that you may not be Aurelian. Please allow me to elaborate.


    When a man marries a woman, she becomes his property since he is the head of the household. Although lax in other places in the world, in Aurelia-Fields women are not allowed to leave the house under any circumstances; not even step out into the estate¡¯s yard. After all, it¡¯s unbecoming to see a woman leisurely going about when there is always work to be done in the house.


    Every single day, since the moment of my inception, I have been sheltered within these mansion walls. Never once has an inch of my body passed through any crack that leads to the outside.


    And it all makes great sense, of course.


    Imagine how silly it would be if the refrigerator wanted to take a break and sunbathe outside. Imagine if the television just up and decided to go for a walk? My complacency is needed by my father, it¡¯s rewarded in fact. Instead, I¡¯ll settle for all the books in our extensive libraries. There are thousands of worlds in them, even more fantastical and special than the one I live in. Many girls don¡¯t even have the books that Father permits me to read.


    It¡¯d be foolish if I wasn''t grateful.


    I am grateful.


    However, yes, there was a time where I was less wise and didn¡¯t understand why I couldn¡¯t leave the home like Damien. I was young then¡­ too young to reason correctly.


    I remember the long nights I spent as my family slept, scorning and cursing my body. Staring in the mirror, I twisted my face with my hands trying to find where feminine began and masculine ended.


    Searching for the difference, searching for an answer.


    Back then, I resented my fate and wished to be male like Damien. I wanted to go outside and touch the grass at my own discretion. I yearned to feel the warm sun fall on my skin and flood through my eyelids instead of through the scattered curtains of the main house. But as all sourceless fires do, time squashed those unruly feelings.


    But while time in general did the trick, time in the cellar was¡­ the most effective.


    Today I know that Father did what he had to in order to save my future. I¡¯m actually quite ashamed of my behavior from back then. And either way, staying inside isn¡¯t bad at all, in fact it¡¯s very comfortable and it protects me. As Mother has said, if I were out there in the sun all day I¡¯d lose my pale skin and be a less valuable bride. Then where would Father be?


    Oh, but I¡¯m rambling.


    We were talking about life right? Such a beautiful thing, it is.


    But then, of course, we have its flipside.


    Death.


    Death sure is something too, huh?


    One day you¡¯re sitting in the eating corner with your mother listening to your father and brother recount tales at the large table. Next, you¡¯re at a funeral as they lie six feet below in the ground.


    This is the second story I can tell.


    It¡¯s been seared into my brain and I suspect that these memories will never leave¡­


    Anyway,


    Damien was bright. His energy, robust. His charisma, unmatched. I could swear he had thousands upon thousands of friends. No one on Earth seemed immune to his smile. Not even Father. He loved Damien very much, and although it wasn¡¯t proper yet for Damien¡¯s age, he became Father¡¯s right hand man at eleven. His shining example, the great culmination of the next of kin Father had raised. Yet, even with all his accolades, Damien was not without his imperfections.


    And one of his shortcomings was his hatred of schoolbooks and class. Undoubtedly, he still scored high marks but, his intelligence was sort of a natural one that came from experience rather than dedication or focus.


    Coasting through school on basic, undeveloped, traits, his disdain for studying never once proved to be an issue. In fact, he was number one in his graduating class. At that moment, everything felt like it was falling into place for all of us. Absolutely perfect.


    Yes, perfect¡ªuntil he was rejected from St. Reginald¡¯s Academy.


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    It happened two years ago.


    St. Reginald¡¯s is the best Academy in the entire country of Aurelia-Fields. Anyone who will be anybody attends St. Reginald¡¯s and therefore it was Damien¡¯s next stepping stone in our goal to bring glory to the D''Alembert bloodline.


    It was always a guarantee.


    And yet suddenly it wasn¡¯t.


    A storm had arrived on the quiet pond we were so accustomed to floating on. And without warning it felt as if everything had been thrown horribly off-balance.


    Maybe the wind was off that day, maybe the corner Damien sat in was unlucky, perhaps the person he sat next to breathed just slightly too loud. No matter what it happened to be, the bottom line was that he missed the minimum mark needed to pass his entrance exam. St. Reginald¡¯s Academy was gone.


    And it was irreversible.


    I saw Father¡¯s love for Damien disintegrate the moment the rejection letter arrived. The smile falling from his face as it twisted into a livid grimace¡­ it plays over and over in my mind. Damien gained admission to Valorian Academy, the country¡¯s second-best school, yet we all recognized that to Father, coming in second was nothing short of failure.


    Yes¡­ it would be a harrowing twenty-four months as Damien tried to rectify his mistake. Father¡¯s constant cold stares, the stifling silence of the night, the shadows of the corners becoming stronger with each passing day¡­ it was as if Damien had fallen from the highest tower of grace.


    One night when I was poking around the house to grab a comforting book from the library, I turned a corner and saw him there. A dim orange light encroached on the walls against the surrounding darkness. The murmurings of tiny creatures stopped dead in the room. The candle on the work desk trembled wildly as if frightened by a monster in the night.


    And there he sat.


    Hunched over the mahogany with heavy dark bags forming under his eyes as he muttered repetitious words to himself scrunching and releasing his hair in stress. He refused to blink, red eyes forced open to read the same line over and over as hair follicles littered the pages around him.


    A living ghost.


    I remember the feeling of cold chills enveloping my skin, forcing me to give up my quest and run away. No sleep came that night.


    But at last, two years after Damien''s disappointing entrance exam to St. Reginald¡¯s, a spark of hope finally surfaced. After an obscene amount of bribing and negotiation with the head of St. Reginald¡¯s Academy, Damien was finally allowed a second chance to retake the entrance exam.


    It wasn''t as final as we had thought¡ªat least not if you had the right check.


    As his life hung in the balance, Damien successfully passed his second entrance exam to St. Reginald¡¯s Academy. While he would be enrolling two years late into the four-year program, the family''s life plan was, at long last, back on track.


    That night when the acceptance letter arrived, I saw Damien nod his head up, a tired smile on his cracked lips as he looked towards Father for approval.


    And yet¡­ the cold stare remained.


    It felt like daggers were being shot through my heart even though I was just a bystander. Meekly shriveling back like a mouse, Damien retreated to his room. It would be a long while before he could earn Father¡¯s trust back¡­ if ever.


    Two months before the start of the new school year, Father left with Damien for our capital, Caelum City where St. Reginald¡¯s Academy resides.


    I was asleep when they left or at least that¡¯s what Mother said. Waking up to find them gone, she told me that Father left on this trip in order to meet with the principal to discuss Damien¡¯s late integration into the academy. According to the correspondence letter that was later sent to our home, the meeting went well, yes, however, it appeared that the D''Alembert household¡¯s brief spell of good luck was about to run dry.


    Written on the following letter we received, we learned that while returning to Kalveris, their plane¡¯s engine malfunctioned, ignited, and in a cruel twist of fate, the emergency landing gear failed all in the succession.


    The aircraft burned up as it hit the ground taking all of its passengers¡¯ lives with it.


    It was just a few hours away from Kalveris.


    My father.


    My brother.


    Only Mother and I were notified about the details of the accident; the neighbors could only assume what had happened when Father¡¯s casket arrived a day later.


    I remember Mother going as white as a ghost, hands shaking, and tears dripping from her eyes as she read the dreaded letter.


    Father was dead¡ªtruly and unmistakably¡ªwhen his body was recovered from the wreckage.


    Damien''s body was lost, but he was presumed dead as well.


    Wracked with emotional turmoil, we watched every single thing we had been working towards our entire lives disappear into dust in a single afternoon.


    Mother wouldn¡¯t leave her bed for days after the funeral. During the ceremony, despite the fact that I had yearned for the vast open sky for years, I couldn''t find a single hint of joy in my heart. The sun instead felt duller than ever, the grass lay lifeless like my kin, and the wind was a painful reminder that I still drew breath while they did not.


    Tainted with grief was my first experience of the outside world.


    And yet, that suffering was only the beginning of our struggles.


    As women, we were unable to inherit Father¡¯s estate or property. The D¡¯Alembert line had no surviving family since both he and Mother were only children and my grandparents had passed away long ago so we were left with nothing and no one. That meant that everything he owned would be confiscated by the government of Aurelia-Fields and we would be displaced after the allotted three month grieving period.


    No well-standing friend would willingly welcome two women into their home, especially a widow. Not only was it seen as bad luck, but rumors would spread like wildfire about that person''s own family. It would take a saint and that was a miracle we couldn¡¯t rely on.


    From the day of the funeral, the neighbors only knew of Father¡¯s death, but Damien was still regarded as missing. And without a male to take the reins of the estate, we would have no chance of survival.


    But we didn¡¯t need just any male.


    No, not anyone would do.


    We needed a rightful heir.


    We needed him.


    We needed Damien.


    And so.


    I would become Damien.


    Ah¡­ and so we come to my third memory.


    It was Mother¡¯s idea.


    In a whirlwind of hysteria, just a week before Damien was to begin at St. Reginald¡¯s Academy, she jolted me awake in the middle of the night, breathlessly spilling her chaotic, feverish plans. She prattled on saying that Father¡¯s spirit communicated with her in a dream and there he told her everything she needed to do in order to save the D''Alembert legacy.


    The glossy look in her eyes told me that any hope she had dared await for was swiftly fading. Each letter she sent out begging for refuge from Father¡¯s old connections returned unanswered. And with each day of silence, her mind splintered like dry straw, until it now hung on by the thinnest of threads.


    This was her desperate gamble.


    Frozen under my bedding as she ranted and raved, my skin felt clammy and my stomach weak.


    But what could I do? What could I say? Who could I call?


    No one.


    I was powerless.


    Now a worthless, rusted cog in a broken grandfather clock, the reality set in all at once. We were alone in a house filled with ghosts, abandoned by everyone we once knew.


    I needed someone to direct me.


    And with Father gone, Mother stood next in the hierarchy of power. What choice did I have but to follow her instructions?


    We had no time to waste.


    If ¡®Damien¡¯ didn¡¯t ¡®return home¡¯ by the time the government¡¯s grieving pause concluded, we would be promptly cast away from the estate. So as soon as morning came, scissors were put to my hair and it was cut just in the way Damien liked it¡ªshort and curled at the tips.


    Warm brown strands fell to the ground and gathered at my feet as Mother fussed, obsessively staring at his old photos trying to pull out every feature from his face like it was a black lagoon.


    I remember my chest feeling tight as mother binded it with cloth. It felt so wrong and yet I kept my eyes on my reflection as I slowly watched myself disappear. Only when she cut my hair, threw me into his clothes, and tanned my skin with dyed herbs did I finally see something in the mirror.


    I saw him.


    I saw Damien once again. Living in me, there he was.


    As if he never left.


    Camille had vanished, yes, and Damien would make a triumphant return.


    I could serve him and Father, even in death.


    Amid Mother¡¯s incessant ramblings, it appeared she still clung to a thread of rationality by recognizing that we couldn¡¯t maintain this fa?ade forever. Then after another night led to ¡°correspondence with Father,¡± she told me the next part of her plan.


    I would only pretend to be Damien for this school year while she planned ¡®Camille¡¯s¡¯ wedding to a great family.


    Once I was married, my persona as ¡®Damien¡¯ would mysteriously disappear, but we would be guaranteed a spot with another strong family and merge our wealth.


    It was all so crazy.


    It was foolish.


    It was sick.


    But, I knew my purpose.


    With Father gone, my allegiance lies with Mother.


    Whatever she demands, I will attain.


    That is the role I was born to perform.


    So, here I am today.


    I stand before St. Reginald¡¯s Academy¡ªclean uniform, polished loafers, a leather bag at my side.


    Ready as it¡¯s finally time to carry out this scheme.


    So, cheers for Damien.


    And cheers for Father.


    I will serve them well.

 Chapter 1 - Damien

    Chapter 1


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Damien¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2773


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Septembris 1</h2>


    The great structure of St. Reginald¡¯s Academy towers before me.


    Roof passing through the clouds, it opens way letting the warm sun pour boundlessly into my eyes.


    ¡®It really is blindingly bright and the sky, ah, it¡¯s just so unimaginably wide-!¡¯


    I take a deep breath of fresh air, for the first time not tainted by the aroma of the old oak wood foundations of our house.


    Without the grief of Fathers¡¯ funeral lingering over the weeks, I can finally take in my surroundings with as much wonder as I please. As I stand on this path, I find that my heart is caught in my throat. Could I not just stare at this sight for hours on end? But even so, I close my eyes and as I do sunlight filters through them turning the world a warm red.


    Then¡­ I begin to reflect.


    Just in the past twenty-four hours I¡¯ve been on a plane for the first time, I¡¯ve been in public without being accompanied by Father or Mother, and now I¡¯m about to sit in a classroom¡­ one that¡¯s in a school to learn.


    But of course, there will be no repose here.


    As I speak, Mother is talking away ¡°Damien¡¯s¡± sudden reappearance away to the neighbors and soon to the government officials that will come around.


    I have no time to waste.


    And yet I stay still.


    Standing at a mere five-foot six, the eight-foot mahogany doors seem to glare back at me. Even taller stands the carved white pillars that hold up the second floor, they might be even more intimidating than the doors. My heart pounds even harder against my chest, feet frozen to the pavement as I continue to stare blankly at the institution. Other boys around me file in through the doors nonchalantly, yet my grip tightens on my leather bag¡¯s straps.


    ¡®What will be awaiting me inside?¡¯


    The beauty of the academy suddenly feels foreboding, but maybe it¡¯s just the feeling of the unknown that makes it feel sinister.


    Is it wrong for a woman to step on these hallowed floors? Would I not only be disgracing my family but the entire nation of Aurelia-Fields by going through with this? The values this country was built on¡­ was my existence and mission an affront to it all?


    My emotions fight back and forth in my heart as I sway in tandem on the pebbled stone pathway beneath me. And yet, despite the turmoil, another thought flies into my mind.


    I¡¯ve read about this moment, I¡¯ve dreamt about this moment.


    What if the single step I took forward would somehow ground me and wring away the miraculous feeling that I¡¯m experiencing in my soul? I don¡¯t want to let it go, not yet. And also at this moment, yes¡­


    I could also feel her.


    I could feel her from the moment I left the estate. Since my first step past home¡¯s door¡­ I could hear the younger Camille that was hidden somewhere within me that hasn''t stopped squealing with glee.


    She bangs on the bars of my heart begging to run amok inside the school with reckless abandon and excessive, rambunctious, laughter. This¡ªthis moment¡ªis all she ever wanted and I¡¯d be lying if I said that a part of me doesn¡¯t want to listen to her. But¡­


    ¡®Silence.¡¯


    Pinching my arm, I whip back those emerging feelings. Has Father not taught me anything? The cellar? Even if I¡¯m wearing Damien¡¯s clothing, I am not him. And though I am hidden, I should exude the properties that a young woman should have within reason. Any more than my mission requires is disgraceful.


    I shield my eyes from the sun and steady my breath. Taking a confident step forward, my feet bring me closer to the academy than I had been a moment before. And yet, frustratingly, I once again find myself wavering with the subsequent step. Another sensation has overtaken my body.


    Debilitating fear.


    Jagged ice is suddenly flowing through my veins without end.


    ¡®What if I am found out¡­?¡¯


    ¡®What if everything I studied about Damien turns out not to be enough? All I know about the outside world is what I¡¯ve read from the library and Father¡¯s dinner stories, after all.


    What would I do then?


    Where would Mother and I go?¡¯


    Exasperated with my indecision, I let out a small groan.


    I mumble under my breath as I clutch my white cuffed shirt, ¡°Oh heart, please be still¡­¡±


    I try to muster up the courage once again to follow the rest of the men inside when I suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder. With a gasp, I spin behind me to see a tall, black-haired boy staring at me. Stunned with fear, I watch him with no words as my mouth remains doltishly agape.


    He tilts his head before flashing a kind smile my way and saying, ¡°Hi there¡­ you looked confused.¡±


    Chuckling softly to himself while sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, he asks, ¡°Are you Damien D''Alembert?¡±


    A click sounds in my head and muscle memory moves me to act through my trepidation.


    I stare him in the eyes and the words leave my mouth just as I had rehearsed a thousand times, ¡°Yes, I am Damien D''Alembert.¡±


    Expression softening, a relieved smile appears on his lips, ¡°Good! I¡¯ve finally found you!¡±


    Bending to the side, he opens his brown satchel and digs his hand in and out to reveal a crumpled pile of papers. He stares at them with wide eyes as if his own actions have shocked him, before shoving his hand back into his bag in an attempt to make them more presentable. Embarrassedly fiddling with the disorganized documents, he unintentionally leaves me time to relax and observe him closely.


    As he smooths out the papers with his thumbs, silky black strands of his hair slip from side to side. With wide, bright eyes that were colored like crushed cinnamon and a sharply angled face that was getting increasingly warmer with embarrassment, he switches between maintaining eye contact with me and his drawn-out attempting to get organized.


    He¡¯s skinny, that¡¯s true, yet he has a sort of muscular build beneath that unassuming surface; it¡¯s evident in the relaxed way that he moves. Hidden strength in his arms and legs, his muscles are the modest kind that you¡¯d only notice if he were to flex. From only a minute of analyzing, I can confidently bet the estate that he is an athlete.


    In fact, he looks kind of like how I imagined the western greasers I had read about in my books, just more lanky.


    He sighs, ¡°Just one second¡­¡±


    My eyes trail down his face. Then of course¡­ we had his smile. From just the few moments I¡¯ve seen him for, I can already tell that it¡¯s the most noteworthy thing about him. Something about the way his lips curve upwards or maybe how his warm cheeks push up his eyes when he grins¡­ it all makes him feel very welcoming and genuine. Even to a newly-minted criminal standing on sacred ground.


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    I glance down; embroidered on his weathered, leather satchel is the name ¡®Lucas Harrison.¡¯


    He lets out a sigh filled with relief, finally having all the papers in his desired order.


    ¡°Yes, ah, there we go¡­ Sorry for being late Damien. You must be so overwhelmed right now, huh?¡± he runs his hand through the back of his hair shamefully.


    He''s done that twice now.


    ¡°Old man Ambrose assigned me to show you around. That¡¯s the principal by the way-! Ah, but you probably already know that. I heard you¡¯ve been talking.¡±


    Standing up as his satchel slips right back to his side, he murmurs, ¡°Usually I¡¯m in charge of freshman, so it¡¯s kind of weird that I¡¯m doing orientation for someone my age¡­ But hey! Did you know that you¡¯re the first late accepted student that St. Reginald¡¯s Academy has ever had¡­ oh, heh, you probably know that too.¡±


    He softly taps his head with his knuckles, embarrassed once again for messing up his speech.


    I nod periodically as he speaks, afraid to say any words.


    Curiously, his kind eyes focus on me.


    ¡°You¡¯re quiet, huh? That¡¯s fine. Everyone here grows out of their shell soon enough!¡± he laughs as he slaps a hard hand on my back.


    My shoulder throbs as I try not to grimace.


    Grabbing his papers once again and straightening them, he clears his throat in a way that shows his experience before striding in front of me in an official-like manner. I straighten up and firmly place my feet on the pavement before watching him attentively.


    He starts monotonically, ¡°Hello there, newcomer, I am Lucas Harrison. Welcome to St. Reginald¡¯s Academy. I will be your guide today. Before you stands-¡± and then he abruptly stops.


    We stand in silence for a moment as he stares at his sheets. Then, without notice, he crumples the papers in his hands into a crushed ball. Baffled, I watched him throw the documents he had spent so much time organizing, straight into the trash can next to us with near perfect aim.


    Pushing his shoulders up carelessly, he says, ¡°Eh, you know what? These papers are really only to trick freshmen into liking this place. I¡¯ll just give the tour to you from the heart, Damien.¡±


    Patting me on the shoulder, he slowly guides me forward after noticing my apprehension. But now following his lead, I finally find the courage to take the next steps toward the school.


    ¡®For Father,¡¯ I whisper inwardly to myself as nervous sweat drips down my hands.


    Before going inside the institution, Lucas takes the time to lead me around the academy¡¯s entire compound. And as we move I find myself in a permanent state of being awe-struck.


    The school houses a pavilion even larger than our own estate yard. The foliage is blindingly bright and vividly green. Grass ripples in the wind as small creatures scurry past us at lightning speed.


    A below-ground pool, clear and clean, murmurs beside my left, while to my right classroom walls containing rowdy boys seem to bounce as they wait for the day to begin.


    Yet, most beautiful of all I suppose, is that all of this is topped with a blue horizon that I¡¯m free to explore.


    All of the sights are so overwhelming that I find myself clinging behind Lucas as he rambles on about the rules and regulations of the school.


    ¡°So basically before class starts we all have homerooms we¡¯re assigned to for thirty minutes everyday. Before then, you¡¯re typically in your dorm with your two other roommates-¡± He continues.


    ¡°Roommates?¡± I whisper.


    His light brown eyes catch my curious look, ¡°Yes¡­ you probably haven¡¯t met them yet, have you?¡±


    I shake my head.


    ¡°Well¡­ you¡¯ll see them soon enough. There¡¯s no class today since everyone is still moving in. Only homeroom, lunch, then freetime. And judging by your papers¡­¡± he mutters, taking out another crumpled document from his satchel, ¡°You¡¯re assigned to the Northern Quadrant of the dorms, room 315.¡±


    He stops his stride, turns, and glances at me.


    ¡°After lunch, I can help you move in, if you¡¯d like?¡±


    I fiddle with my fingers at his offer.


    Though I could tell he meant well, his kindness made me very uncomfortable. Everything was so clear-cut and direct back at my family house. You did what you were told and that was that. Going out of your way to ¡°help¡± someone, even if they were family, was a foreign thing for us.


    ¡°If you want to accomplish something, you should do it alone. That¡¯s how you become a valuable addition to society.¡±


    Father loved that quote as a self-made man.


    Lucas¡¯ brazen confidence and compassion only made me feel like a terrible burden.


    I muster up a nervous smile, ¡°Thank you, Mr. Harrison, but I will be fine.¡±


    He turns his head to the side with an awkward laugh, ¡°Mr. Harrison¡­? I¡¯m your age, just call me Lucas!¡±


    Correcting myself, I say, ¡°Thank you, Lucas,¡± though it felt improper to refer to any man that wasn¡¯t my brother by their first name.


    Normally Camille wouldn¡¯t dare, but I guess that ¡®Damien¡¯ lives by different rules.


    He looks at me sympathetically before continuing his tour, ¡°I live in the North Quadrant too, if you ever need me just knock on 302, okay?¡±


    I note down the information in my head.


    And leaving the conversation at that, we continue looking around the compound. The school is basically a secluded community. Random academic buildings and small sheds are scattered around the courtyard along with sports compounds that are located behind the main institution. The sheds we peek into are filled with emergency gear, sports equipment, and many different trinkets. It all feels like a maze. Only knowing the ins and out of my own house, it suddenly feels as if there are a million more things to memorize here at St. Reginald''s. And separated from the neighboring city by great plots of land, it¡¯s like a world of its own.


    Absorbing the area around me, I turn to the side to see Lucas gazing at me. Flinching after catching my sight, he realizes that he¡¯s been caught.


    ¡°Ah¡­ sorry for staring, Damien,¡± he chuckles.


    ¡°It''s just that your expression reminds me of when I was a freshman. When I first got here, this place seemed sort of magical,¡± Lucas says as he crosses his arms over his chest.


    Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath of the fresh air.


    Then turning back to me he says, ¡°The novelty definitely fades after the first homework assignment, but the moments in between are really¡­ something.¡±


    We let the silence of the grass envelope us for a second, but the moment doesn¡¯t last long though because he breaks it instantly, his face now red with embarrassment.


    ¡°Ah! Sorry for being so talkative,¡± Lucas sighs as he takes a pager out of his pocket. ¡°You probably want to get going to your homeroom now. I¡¯ll lead you there and then after that maybe we could meet for lunch if you¡¯d like?¡±


    I nod and speak softly, ¡°Okay.¡±


    He takes a deep breath and smiles, ¡°...Okay, then.¡±


    From the courtyard he takes me inside the main building and guides me through the labyrinth of this huge academy.


    Leading me up the old stairs and past a few confusing corners, he finally drops me off at an old weathered door on the east side of the second floor.


    ¡°This is it, Damien. Your homeroom for the school year. I¡¯ll see you at lunch, okay?¡± he grins.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I reply as I hand him a wonky, unpracticed, smile.


    He returns it and places his hands in his pockets. But, before he¡¯s able to leave I¡¯m almost completely knocked over by a blur of white. The world spins before I can even register the event, but Lucas catches my arm before I tip over like a water-logged canoe.


    ¡°Damien! Are you okay?¡± he panics as he pulls me up.


    Together we look towards the cause that is still jetting away. The human-bullet is then followed by another boy that courteously goes around us. With a quick flash of his fingers he offers us a wordless apology before continuing his chase. A silver-haired boy and a blonde¡­


    I turn to see an annoyed look on Lucas¡¯ face.


    ¡°Sorry about them, Damien. Finn McAllister¡¯s the worst. My recommendation is to avoid him if you can,¡± he sighs before looking back at me.


    When I don¡¯t respond, he notices my puzzled look.


    ¡°Oh¡­ let me explain. So, there are some brutes at this school, but he¡¯s worse because he¡¯s the mischievous kind of delinquent. Does all the wrong things, but slides his way out of trouble.¡± Lucas explains while dusting off my shoulders.


    ¡°You¡¯ve just got to keep a thick skin around here,¡± he says, patting me softly before leaving.


    As he walks ways, it takes me a moment before I can quite process what had just happened.


    ¡®Finn¡­¡¯ I think feeling unwarranted nostalgia suddenly hit me. ¡®Where have I heard that name before?¡¯


    But finding myself standing alone in the hallway I decide to drop the topic and reorient myself. Turning around I stand before the old wooden door that leads inside the homeroom¡­ it¡¯s time for the next objective.


    Taking a deep breath, I place my hand on the knob and walk in.


    All eyes in the classroom suddenly focus on me.

 Chapter 2 - Damien pt.2

    Chapter 2


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Damien pt.2¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2755


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Septembris 1</h2>


    Homeroom is immediately a blur.


    When first walking inside it feels as if a thousand eyes have suddenly focused on me. Silently, boys of every nature cease their conversation to analyze ¡°the newcomer.¡±


    Overwhelmed with fear, I watch them watch me, possibly finding every feminine bone in my body, and stand at the door like a deer caught in headlights. The teacher walks up to the entrance and has to practically drag me to the front.


    After a quick look at my face he judges that he isn¡¯t going to get a response out of me, so he decides to do my introduction himself.


    ¡°Everyone, welcome to your third year at St. Reginald¡¯s Academy! This is Damien D''Alembert. You might not recognize him from your earlier years, but that¡¯s because he¡¯s a new transfer student from Valorian Academy. Treat him well,¡± My homeroom teacher finishes with a bright smile.


    The eyes finally relent after their curiosity is satiated and everyone goes back to their chatter. The cold chills slowly leave my skin and I quietly go up the steps to the back of the classroom. It had been less than an hour since school had begun and yet I felt so incredibly in over my head.


    What¡¯s the punishment for dressing up as your deceased brother, faking admission into an all-male school, and disgracing your family? Surely, a price I can¡¯t bear.


    In the back row, I sit in silence, twiddle my fingers, and avoid eye contact with anyone who tries to make it. Taking deep breaths calm my body despite the anxious thoughts swarming my mind.


    Classes begin tomorrow so we are expected to sit and socialize for five hours before lunch. A fate that I never realized was torturous in real life when seeming so easy in novels.


    Every attempt made by a boy to break the ice with me is met with a dead stare until they finally feel intimidated enough to give up. But eventually new people stop filing into the classroom and the time for lunch finally approaches. As the bell¡¯s chimes tear through the laughter, to me it feels as if the end of homeroom couldn¡¯t have come any sooner.


    Leaving the dreaded room in the crowd, I can finally find myself with a moment to breathe from my worries. At the very least, I¡¯d be able to feel slightly more comfortable if I saw someone I knew at lunch. Lucas could fit that bill even though I had only met him this morning.


    Something about him was somewhat calming.


    Yet as I follow the crowd and approach the lunchroom I learn that finding Lucas isn¡¯t going to be as easy a task as I had first assumed.


    I step into the cafeteria and it feels as if every single student at the school has been gathered into one spot. There are blurs of boys all in the same uniform chattering and laughing without control.


    I stand before the heavy double doors in shock and the statistics start to fly through my mind.


    ¡®How many people attend St. Reginald¡¯s Academy? Two thousand, eight hundred, I believe. Evenly split which means that there are about seven hundred boys per grade level...¡¯


    But even then, St. Reginald¡¯s has a student population that is considerably less than most public schools. Those schools could sometimes sport a population of over ten thousand with a property only half the size of this academy. But, you never really know how many people two thousand, eight hundred are until you''re sitting in a room with all of them.


    I immediately understand that finding Lucas in this mess is a pipe dream and wandering the bustling cafeteria aimlessly in an attempt to find him will only exacerbate my anxiety to unimaginable highs.


    Instead of going through that torture, I decide that I¡¯ll set up shop at the least-populated table I can find. Gingerly stepping around the room, I scan the area with fervor. But it only takes a moment of searching to find one lone table in a dark corner that¡¯s tucked away from the serving area.


    With a breath of relief I trot up to the table, sit down, and place my satchel down. With a confident smile, I stand up to grab food, but coming back with a tray of stewed vegetables in my hands, I glance at my chosen table to find that my satchel has disappeared. In fact, the deserted table has been replaced with something far worse. And as dread causes my lip to tremble, I now know why this table seemed so empty.


    It wasn¡¯t anyone¡¯s for the taking.


    Standing before me now is a man so tall he casts a shadow over me. My eyes lock with his, but despite the fear, my habits can¡¯t help but begin to dissect everything about him.


    Number one, it¡¯s easy to tell that he is substantially taller than Lucas, maybe 6¡¯5? His head dons fiery red hair that¡¯s midnight black at the roots. Underneath his bushy eyebrows are ebony eyes so dark that I could see my own reflection in his glare. To top it off, he boasts a heavy-weight body; his frame is completely built with muscles from top to bottom so much so that his uniform seems to be struggling to hold his frame. Shirt flared, cuffs rolled up, and blazer popped; I felt bad for the cotton plants that died in order to contain him.


    This man is frightening to others, very much so. I can tell by the tension in the air. The intimidating aura he gives off as he scowls at me is so great that people turn to stare.


    But as I finish my examination, the fear I felt at the start begins to melt away by the pound. And very quickly to me, he suddenly seems like a normal man albeit large.


    When I was a child, I used to be afraid of everything¡­ mice, bugs, birds. But as I grew under Father¡¯s watchful eye and discipline, soon I learned that most phobias were ungrounded. The mouse was just living meat looking for food, shelter, and water as was I. It would soon become a meal for something else.


    And death¡­ is the great equalizer.


    After one particular day I saw a mouse in a corner scurrying away, and I wasn¡¯t scared anymore. What use is fear when we¡¯re all living until we die anyway?


    Today, the only two things I fear most in the world is my sex being revealed which would ruin Father¡¯s name, and the cellar.


    I stare unwaveringly at the brute in front of me.


    ¡°Hello, sir. May I please have my bag back?¡± I ask, quietly.


    First, he stares at me dumbfounded. Then, his face turns red as he erupts with laughter.


    ¡°Are you for real? ¡®Sir?¡¯ Do you not know who I am?¡±


    We begin attracting more eyes as he raises his voice.


    ¡°Should I?¡± I reply, curiously.


    The lunchroom goes silent as gasps involuntarily escape from various mouths. His eyes narrow at me.


    But before he gives his answer, we¡¯re suddenly interrupted by Lucas, ¡°Hey, hey, hey, Leonard, give Damien a break. He¡¯s new here.¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t have anyone ¡®new.¡¯ That¡¯s not a thing.¡± Leonard growls. ¡°Unless he¡¯s a freshman, then this child is disrespecting me.¡±


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    ¡°He was accepted late,¡± Lucas admits.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± Leonard says as he bends down to my eye-level. An aggressive hand is placed on top of my head and he squeezes it firmly, ¡°so he failed the first time he took the exam? He¡¯s a reject, huh?¡± He laughs. ¡°How much money did Daddy have to shell out to get you in here?¡±


    I avert my eyes.


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you around, reject, but if you care about not having your face smeared across the pavement, keep your nose down.¡±


    The brute named Leonard sits down at the secluded table with his friends.


    Lucas exasperatedly drags me away as he looks back multiple times to make sure that Leonard doesn¡¯t change his mind and kill us while our backs are turned, ¡°You''re a handful! You know that, Damien? A real handful!¡±


    ¡°I apologize¡­¡± I say, feeling embarrassed for having brought Lucas out of his way.


    Irritated, he turns around and rubs his head before looking at me sympathetically and sighing.


    ¡°No, apologizing... You¡¯re good, Damien.¡±


    Taking my lunch from the table and my satchel from the floor, Lucas leads me to his own table where he seats me down next to him with the rest of his friends.


    ¡°I guess this orientation is going to take longer than a day. From now on you¡¯re with me until you¡¯re fully settled in,¡± Lucas smiles.


    I concede with a short smile back.


    ¡®I wasn¡¯t in any danger¡­ It¡¯s not logical for Leonard to attack me or he risks being kicked out of school. So why did Lucas feel the need to step in?¡±


    I watch Lucas interact with his friends with a bright grin on his face.


    ¡®But I guess having a person to rely on wouldn¡¯t be a bad thing this early on. He¡¯ll grow tired of me soon enough, so there¡¯s no need to fret.¡±


    The other boys seem drawn to his energy. Apparently, Lucas is the captain of St. Reginald¡¯s baseball team although he¡¯s only a junior. Quietly observing him once again, I determine that he makes for a good captain. His physique is definitely one of a toned, seasoned, athlete and the way he moves exudes a type of confidence that can¡¯t be imitated.


    ¡°Luke, roommate assignments just came out!¡± A friend of his calls out, waving his pager in the air.


    He glances over to his own with his mouth full, ¡°Oh nice! I got Cyrus and Dorian again!¡±


    The other men roll their eyes.


    ¡°I feel like you¡¯re the only person who¡¯s kept their freshman roommates for three years straight. That¡¯s insanely lucky.¡±


    Lucas taps his nose knowingly, ¡°I guess it¡¯s just meant to be. I¡¯m going to nationals with those fools this year.¡±


    The table begins to chuckle.


    I stare at the boy¡¯s pager curiously as the boy awkwardly backs up.


    ¡°Luke¡­ what¡¯s his problem?¡±


    Lucas glances at me, signaling with a smile for me to speak.


    ¡°Dorms?¡± I question.


    His eyes light up. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s what you want to know! So basically, there are four dorm areas on the third and fourth floors. North, South, West, and East. East are for the freshman. West are for the sophomores. North for the juniors and South for the seniors, but the seniors take up the entire fourth floor. Reggie''s believes in ¡®diverse experiences¡¯ so typically every year you get a random roll on who your roommates will be. Luckily, I¡¯ve gotten the same two people for three years straight now.¡±


    His friends roll his eyes at that to which he snarkily mocks their whining.


    ¡°We got our room numbers a week ago, but notices just came out on the names of our roommates this year. After lunch, everyone¡¯s going to move their things in.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m telling you, Damien. Lucas has an interesting relationship with Old Man Ambrose,¡± The boy says as he juts his thumb out at Lucas.


    Lucas punches the boy¡¯s arm as he rolls his eyes and the entire table burst into laughter.


    I watch the warm scene lightly. It¡¯s a pleasant display to see, but my eyes feel heavy and my body gets tired as time passes. Pushing the vegetables around my plate with my fork I start to dream of my bed in a way I never had before. Although it has only been a few hours since the day began, the sweet release of sleep only seems to be getting more and more enticing.


    But talking with Lucas¡¯ friend group goes by fast and as soon as lunch is over I¡¯m led back to the Northern Quadrant of the dorms.


    ¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t need help?¡± he asks once again.


    I shake my head.


    ¡°Hm¡­ remember, I¡¯m at 302, okay?¡± Lucas repeats once more before he¡¯s about to walk off.


    I nod.


    With a short wave he leaves and I¡¯m left in front of my dorm room alone. Room 315. The people I will be living with are behind these doors and they will be the most important people to convince that I am Damien.


    Taking in a sharp breath, I tuck my worries away and walk in. As I open the door my eyes are met with two familiar faces. Or at the very least, familiar hairstyles.


    It was the blonde boy and the silver-haired boy that had nearly run me over earlier when I was with Lucas. They seem to recognize me too and both of them train their eyes on me.


    ¡°So you¡¯re the third, huh?¡± the blonde speaks monotonously.


    I nod and frantically think back to Mother¡¯s instructions on what to say when meeting new people.


    ¡°H-hello. My name is Damien D''Alembert. It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you. What is your na-¡± ¡°D''Alembert?¡±


    I get cut off in the middle of my sentence by the pale, silver-haired boy. He approaches me, staring me up and down and I feel like a bug under a microscope. Did he see something in me? Was my cover blown?


    ¡°That is insane¡­¡± he approaches hanging on my shoulder with a smirk.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you recognize me, Damien? It¡¯s Finn,¡± The silver-haired boy laughs tapping my cheek with his finger.


    My hands begin to dampen once again. As I had feared¡­ here I am running into one of Damien¡¯s thousands of friends.


    ¡°...Hello, Finn. It¡¯s good to see you¡­?¡± I mumble hoping my tone didn¡¯t give away my confusion.


    ¡°Ah, two years you already forgot your bestest friend, huh? How was Valorian Academy? Must have sucked knowing that I got into Reggie''s instead of you?¡±


    He pushes me, sticking out his tongue and suddenly it clicks.


    Finn¡­ Finn was Damien¡¯s rival back in secondary school. He was the second-best student under Damien and graduated as salutatorian. From the eating corner, I remember hearing Damien grumble about Finn¡¯s near obsession with trying to overcome him all the time.


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± I mumble. ¡°Hello, Finn.¡±


    His cold blue eyes stare back at me for a second longer before he breaks eye contact.


    ¡°I guess two years apart has changed you, Damien¡­.¡± Finn whines before draping himself over me. ¡°Did you go through reverse puberty? How did you get shorter?¡±


    I don''t reply as he talks, but instead focus my eyes on the blonde.


    The boy isn¡¯t too tall, only a few inches above me, but his face is unemotional. It almost has a melancholy feel to it as green eyes stare silently at his pager.


    Peripherally noticing my gaze, his eyes flicker up. I look to the side, but I feel his burning eyes boring a hole into my head before I finally sense him turning away.


    Finn notes it and switches the subject onto him, ¡°That¡¯s Sebastian! He¡¯s a little quiet, but don¡¯t mind him. He¡¯s actually the best run-away buddy for pranks. We just put superglue on the seats at the leftmost table of the lunchroom and stole some of the good chocolate cake that they were saving for the new freshman. You should¡¯ve seen those freshies¡¯ pants rip when they stood up! It was gold, Damien!¡±


    My mind flashes back to when they ran past me and the blonde named Sebastian flashed a ¡°sorry¡± sign.


    I can hear him grumble under his breath at Finn¡¯s passive story retelling and yet, I still notice bright jade eyes flickering between his pager and me. Before Finn can continue, there''s suddenly a loud crash outside seemingly a few doors down.


    "Aaaaand that¡¯s the other shoe dropping. Hey, hey, hey, Damien, that sounds like Old Man Ambrose is looking for me. I gotta dash, see you both later tonight!" Finn says as he bolts out of the room.


    Looking out the window, I see the Septembris sun has finally finished its rounds before beginning to set.


    I did it¡­ I survived¡­. And finally I find myself with a moment to breathe.


    Collapsing on my bunk I close my eyes and let out a sigh of relief as my body sinks into the soft mattress.


    "Hey," a voice comes snapping me out of my rest.


    I glance over to see Sebastian staring at me.


    ¡°Yes?¡± I mumble.


    He watches me closely.


    "Aren''t you a girl?"

 Chapter 3 - Zemblanity

    Chapter 3


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Zemblanity¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2547


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Septembris 1</h2>


    Serendipity is a pretty word.


    I think it¡¯s defined as a ¡°happy coincidence.¡± Like finding a quarter on the street or maybe bumping into your future soulmate on the train. Yes, ¡®serendipity.¡¯ I guess at this moment as Sebastian speaks my hidden truth, I¡¯m feeling the opposite of serendipity.


    Zemblanity.


    My skin erupts in goosebumps, my throat tightens, and my hands become clammy. Staring into his striking, knowing, expression I didn¡¯t see a way that I could wriggle myself out of this situation.


    ¡°...No?¡± I manage to choke out in response.


    His gaze hardens.


    ¡°You are. I can tell,¡± he continues.


    ¡°No¡­ No, I¡¯m not-!¡± I get up from the bed and reply with more fervor in my voice.


    My fists clench together as I stare him down desperately. At the very least, it couldn''t be on the first day. I wouldn¡¯t let Father down on the very first day.


    ¡°Why are you here?¡± he persists as he gets up from his bed and closes the distance between us. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to say anything in front of Finn because he didn¡¯t seem to notice. In fact¡­ I don¡¯t think anyone seems to notice... Is Damien even your name?¡±


    I don¡¯t realize that I¡¯m shaking. Fear begins to overwhelm me to the point of physical sickness as I feel the world begin to spin and my legs become unsteady. His unrelenting badgering stuns me as tears begin to well up in my eyes. Noticing them, he quiets down.


    ¡°Please¡­¡± I croak, holding the teardrops back and staring at the hardwood ground. ¡°Please, don¡¯t tell anyone¡­¡±


    I dare not meet his gaze. It was taking everything in my power not to break down on our dormitory floor right now. When he finally speaks, I can hear the hesitation in his voice.


    ¡°Listen¡­ I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re here¡­ and quite frankly, I don¡¯t really care. It doesn¡¯t affect me right now, so I¡¯m not going to go running to Principal Ambrose or anything. But, I can¡¯t promise what I¡¯ll do in the future. Don¡¯t expect much,¡± he mutters as he takes a seat once again on his lower bunk.


    Taking his book in his hands, he breaks eye contact with me and sinks into his mattress.


    Defeated, I wipe away the tears on my face with my hands.


    ¡°Okay... I understand,¡± I whisper. Looking up at him through my blurred vision I say, ¡° I apologize¡­ but what¡¯s your last name?¡±


    He glances over to me from his novel, ¡°...Carter.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Mr. Carter.¡± I straighten up.


    He coughs awkwardly, ¡°Stop¡­ please. Just call me Sebastian.¡±


    ¡°Okay, Sebastian¡­¡± I mutter.


    Sebastian turns away from me, but as he moves on his bed, the cover of the book he¡¯s reading slips into my sight. Even in the depths of my despair, the familiarity strikes me like a long-lost love. As curiosity sweeps over my self-disappointment and I find my lips speaking on their own.


    ¡°Is that Sleeping Days: One Thousand Years?¡± I ask as I approach his side.


    ¡°Yeah¡­?¡± he mumbles as his arms tenses up at my proximity.


    Looking to the side, I twist my cuffs. If it really was the end for my mission, then having a discussion about a book I enjoy wouldn¡¯t be the worst thing to happen today.


    ¡°I like that book, it¡¯s one of my favorites¡­¡± I whisper as I peek over his hands. ¡°Of all the books in my father¡¯s library, I found it the most stimulating.¡±


    He nods only half-interested, ¡°...It''s also my favorite book. I¡¯ve read it over and over since I was five, maybe near a million times. It¡¯s probably humanity¡¯s crown jewel.¡±


    ¡°I have the sequel¡­ it¡¯s also very good,¡± I mention as I nod my head approvingly.


    He doesn¡¯t reply and at his silence I stand up from his side and start to make my way back to my bunk on the other side of the room. Even then, books or the mere talk of them always seems to heal my sadness. The rustling of blankets suddenly emerges from his bed and I glance to my side to see his wide eyes staring back at me as the paperback book slips from out of his hands and flops onto the bed.


    ¡°You have the sequel? Sleeping Days: The Next Millennium?¡± Sebastian questions.


    His legs stand up so fast that it causes him to bang his forehead on the metal support of Finn¡¯s top bunk. I blink, holding my hands to my chest in surprise as I stumble backwards.


    ¡°Y-yes?¡± I squeak out in confirmation.


    He holds his head wincing, ¡°Impossible, you must be lying¡­ The publishing company was only able to make a hundred copies of the sequel before the printing factory suddenly burned down.¡±


    He approaches me with annoyance in his eyes, ¡°Then the publication company went under and the author even died a few days after it all went down. Those hundred are the only ones in existence and they¡¯re scattered across the world. You literally can¡¯t have it.¡±


    I shuffle awkwardly from foot to foot, not sure what to say.


    ¡°I mean¡­ no matter the intensity of your doubt, I still have the book,¡± I finally reply.


    Getting down on the ground, I slide my hand luggage out from under my bed. As I open my gray leather suitcase, my hands carry out some of the few books that I brought with me from the estate.


    Holding up the coveted sequel in my hands, I look towards him with my proof.


    His eyes glow in awe, hands shaking as he sinks to his knees next to me. Mouth agape, he can¡¯t even form the words to say how much he wants it but, his body still refuses to relinquish his pride.


    ¡°...Please,¡± is the only word he¡¯s able to force out of his mouth although his eyes beg in volumes.


    I stare at him astounded. I didn¡¯t even realize Father¡¯s library was so extensive. Growing up, I thought this was just another book that he brought back from the local library. As I witness Sebastian¡¯s desperate demeanor, a foreign idea suddenly pops into my head.


    It could work.


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    It would work.


    But I still mull it over for a second before speaking it into existence.


    ¡°You can read it¡­. O-only if you promise never to tell anyone that I¡¯m female!¡± I stutter out.


    My heart beats fervently within my chest, never had I been so impolite to a man before. Bargaining? It was so improper.


    Astonished, it takes him a moment to realize that I had just offered a deal to him. Instantly, his eyes shoot down to the ground in conflict. Biting his lip, his eyes dart from side to side and I can see him thinking about all the ways this deal could backfire on him. I could read his thoughts as clearly as crystal.


    ¡®Expulsion if the administration finds out that he knew I was a girl but kept it from them. But how would they know if he acted clueless the entire time? He could get away easily. Couldn¡¯t he?¡¯


    I read it all from his demeanor.


    As soon as I walked into the room, I could tell that he was an analytical kind of person and this display of intelligence only further cemented that notion for me. Jade eyes flicker back and forth as he tries to make his decision before finally striking back at me. Startled, I flinch.


    ¡°Fine! ¡­I¡¯ll do it. On two conditions, though¡­¡± He mutters. Throwing up two fingers he says, ¡°One, if someone directly asks me whether you are a girl, I don¡¯t have to lie for you. And two¡­ you have to tell me what your actual name is. I don¡¯t want to call you Damien if that¡¯s not who you are.¡±


    My fingers curl over the spine of the novel in hidden excitement. As long as I kept my secret well, no one would ever ask Sebastian that question. I did it¡­ I did something right.


    ¡°Deal!¡± I say a little too loudly as I try to hold back an emerging grin.


    He grimaces at my happy demeanor, ¡°Yeah, yeah, don¡¯t get too excited.¡±


    I pass the soft, pastel-red book to him and he stares at it with child-like wonder as he glides his thumb carefully over the pages. This had to be a dream come true for him. But controlling himself from instinctively tearing open the pages, he looks back up at me with wary eyes as he waits for the completion of the second part of our deal.


    Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I cup my hands, lean into his ear, and whisper, ¡°My name is Camille D''Alembert. Please call me Damien in front of others.¡±


    ¡°Camille¡­¡± he sounds out.


    Although it¡¯s obvious that he¡¯s still frustrated, he holds out his hand and smiles cooly at me, ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡±


    I stare at his palm in disbelief. Did he want me to shake it? Didn¡¯t his parents teach him that shaking hands with an unmarried woman is not only improper, but a bad omen as well?


    Embarrassed, I look away, ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you too, Mr. Carter.¡±


    He grows annoyed as he puts his hand down.


    ¡°Call me Sebastian, please. Whatever, I¡¯ve got to enjoy this like fine wine¡­¡± he mutters as he holds my borrowed book.


    I watch him leave my side and return to his bunk cradling the novel like a newborn baby. Returning my luggage underneath my bed, I clamber on top. My eyes close and I recount the memories of the day as the warm blanket flows over me. How terribly scary and yet exhilarating.


    ¡®The entire spectrum of human emotion, now fully laid bare for me to explore. Oh heart¡­ remember your mission,¡¯ my mind whispers.


    And as I sink into the cushions, the rest of the day just seems to fly by.


    After successfully dodging Principal Ambrose, Finn returns at around midnight, throws his things over the desk, and fiddles with something before finally sneaking into bed in the top bunk over Sebastian. After that, he¡¯s unconscious in less than a minute. Underneath him, Sebastian reads with a nightlight focusing intently on each word of the sequel I had lent him.


    And there I am on the opposite side of the room, laying on the third bed, and staring at the ceiling as an open window blows cool air past our translucent curtains.


    Sleeping seems an impossibility.


    In so little time, too many things had happened. And too many things are on the line. However, tackling it all is a task for future-me. The only mission I have at the moment is to rest. So despite the adrenaline pumping through my veins¡­ rest, I do.


    I let the soft sounds of flipping pages lull me to sleep.


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Septembris 2</h2>


    The morning comes and with it the struggle of a new day.


    I wake up to frantic shaking as sunlight pours from our dorm window onto my face. Blurred, my eyes focus on my assailant as I groan and flip on my bed in exhaustion.


    ¡°Da! Mi! En!¡± A loud voice blares in my ear.


    ¡°Yes¡­ yes¡­¡± I mumble wearily.


    ¡°Guess what? We¡¯re late!¡± the voice says gleefully.


    At that single statement, my eyes shoot open.


    To my side, on the desk I see the time ¡®8:55 am¡¯ flashing red on the alarm clock. Homeroom is currently going on and my first class starts at 9:05 am. Looking up I see that Finn was the one to wake me. Sebastian is already long gone.


    ¡°What happened!¡± I ask in a panic as I throw my uniform shirt over my undergarments.


    Searching for my flared blazer, I hear his indifferent response.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like alarms, so I turned our clock off when I got back last night. I thought I would wake up naturally. Guess that was dumb, huh?¡± He sighs as he fiddles with his hair.


    ¡®Where¡¯s his sense of urgency? He¡¯s still only in his underwear!¡¯


    I groan as I force my feet through my socks. It seems that I somehow managed to end up with the two worst roommates in the school.


    As I grab my satchel and shove my books into it, I turn around to the astonishing sight of Finn fully dressed in front of the door only having to adjust his tie.


    Fiddling for a second more with a strand of hair in his face, he flicks it behind his ear before waving, ¡°See you, Damien!¡± and leaving the room.


    Dismayed, I find that I¡¯m suddenly alone in the dorm, shoes nowhere to be found, unequivocally late, and tragically overwhelmed.


    ¡°Oh no¡­ oh no¡­ oh no¡­¡± I mumble over and over, under my breath.


    And here I thought things were looking up... I should¡¯ve known that fate wouldn¡¯t ever let me have it easy. Not for a second.


    Anxiety building up in my chest, I give up and fix my hair in the small mirror on the back of our door before running out of it although I¡¯m sure that I¡¯m missing a thousand things in my satchel. As I leave, my face slams into another person and I fall backwards onto the hard ground.


    ¡°Are you okay, Damien?¡± A concerned voice comes as I rub my nose in an attempt to cool my stinging face.


    I open my eyes to see Lucas hanging over me.


    ¡°Lucas¡­¡± I mumble trying not to look so defeated.


    With an understanding look, he bends down and offers a hand to me, ¡°Come on now¡­ you¡¯re okay.¡±


    I blink back tears as he helps me up.


    ¡°I went to your homeroom to check on you, but you weren¡¯t there¡­ so I came back to your room to see if you stayed back instead. And sure enough- Here you are!¡± he laughs.


    I stand on my feet with his help.


    ¡°I¡¯m late,¡± I groan, scrunching my hair in stress as I beat myself up inwardly.


    ¡°We can¡¯t all be perfect,¡± he answers, tapping my shoulder.


    Focused on fixing me up, he dusts off my blazer and straightens my collar. I let him mend my appearance as I stare at the floor ashamed. I glance up at him periodically and see his concentrated expression shift as he makes sure that everything on me is in order. As he fixes my tie, there¡¯s only one question on my mind.


    ¡°...Why are you doing this, Lucas?¡± I whisper. ¡°My orientation ended yesterday.¡±


    He stops his repair and looks at me with an innocent, but knowing expression.


    ¡°Come on¡­¡± Lucas shoves me playfully.


    With a glowing smile he asks, ¡°Aren¡¯t we friends?¡±


    The words go through me, stunning me like a blow dart.


    ¡®Friends?¡¯


    And he said it so easily. How foreign. Is this what friendship is like? And if so¡­ it''s nice. It makes me feel safe. Secure. With only his presence, I feel protected although we only met the day prior.


    ¡°Yes¡­ of course. We¡¯re friends.¡± I answer with a quiet laugh.


    He smiles at me before using his arms to stretch out his back with a loud yawn.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get you to class, Damien.¡±

 Chapter 4 - Zemblanity pt.2

    Chapter 4


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Zemblanity pt.2¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2271


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Septembris 2</h2>


    Lucas would then stay with me for the rest of the day.


    After every period, he would race back from his own class to meet me. Always there¡­ waiting right outside the door each time. By the end of the day, I had memorized his demeanor.


    His back was always leaning on the classrooms¡¯ door frame, an indifferent face scrolling on his pager until he saw me and his expression would move into a grin. A pure one, so innocent that I knew that he was happy to see me through-and-through. And Lucas sees me in a way that I¡¯ve never felt seen before.


    By the end of the day when he took me back to my dorm, I could tell for sure. He¡¯s one of the good ones; a person I could trust. Or at very least, someone that Damien could trust. Next to him, I think this whole ordeal will be a lot easier.


    Even if fate is doing everything in its power to hold me back. Something about him¡­ something about Lucas would keep me grounded. Out of all the orientation leaders this academy has, I got him. What else could I call this?


    Serendipity.


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Octobris 4</h2>


    Now a month in, school time has passed by more quickly than I had expected. Days flew faster than Father¡¯s private jet when I was next to Lucas and that happened to be very often.


    I¡¯m slightly embarrassed to say that for the entire first week of school, he had to be beside me or I ran the risk of having a panic attack in the middle of the hallway.


    But, he never seemed bothered by it. He was formed of pure, unadulterated, kindness.


    And that feeling of safety has only increased since my first day here at St. Reginald¡¯s. Not safe enough to tell him the truth, but safe enough to feel like he deserved the title of ¡®friend¡¯ that we exchanged with one another.


    Lucas practices with his baseball team every night.


    After classes end for the day, I usually sit on the bleachers, place my satchel beside me, and watch them train. The still-blazing Autumnal sun beats down on him as he runs with his team. Sweat pools while his coach¡¯s voice drills into the rhythm of their steps.


    Whenever he passes my corner of the fence he always gives me a small wave and I wave back before he disappears past it. It¡¯s one of my favorite moments of the day.


    Afterwards, he takes a shower in the locker room near the fields, says goodbye to his friends, and we walk back to the dormitory together.


    That¡¯s our routine¡­ and I like it¡­


    Waiting for Mother''s correspondence, he was a nice addition I never expected to gain and I have a feeling that these are the days I¡¯ll remember most fondly once the plan goes through and I¡¯m married.


    My own personal alarm rings next to me and right on time since the next moment I hear a familiar confident knock on my door. Rising from the bed with a yawn, I put on my clothes and grab my pre-packed bag.


    Sebastian groans as he turns in his sleep.


    Finn peeks over his bunk as I walk to the door, ¡°Is ¡®Mr. Sunshine¡¯ here again?¡± he teases me.


    I ignore his taunts and turn the knob.


    ¡°Damien!¡± Lucas greets me with a bright grin. ¡°Anddd company!¡± He announces into the room.


    Sebastian shoves his pillow into his ears.


    ¡°Hello and goodbye!¡± Finn mutters crawling back under his blankets.


    Lucas pouts as I lead him out the door and close it.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind him,¡± I mumble with a smile.


    ¡°I won¡¯t¡­ But anyway, I was thinking-¡± he says as he holds his hands up with a sparkle in his eyes.


    ¡°I can still hear you!¡± Finn¡¯s voice comes muffled through the door.


    ¡°Hmph¡­ let¡¯s walk then!¡± Lucas yells through the door in defiance.


    I hold back a snicker.


    ¡°So¡­ I was thinking that we should have breakfast this morning and then after classes today, we meet up with Dorian, Cyrus, and the guys and go through downtown Caelum. I hear there¡¯s a hot pot place with this CRAZY rare spicy pepper right? And it¡¯s amazing with¡­¡± he trails off after seeing my melancholy look.


    ¡°...You don¡¯t want to go out again, I¡¯m guessing?¡± Lucas asks, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking away from me.


    I slowly shake my head ¡®no.¡¯


    ¡°I see,¡± he sighs.


    It always hurts when I trample on Lucas'' exciting plans for us to do. I can tell that he just wants to hang out, but I don¡¯t want to risk being recognized in an unknown area. I¡¯m barely used to the school¡¯s routine. It¡¯s too soon for me to conquer Caelum Citys¡¯.


    ¡°I¡¯ll get you to break sometime,¡± he laughs softly as we keep walking. Placing a friendly hand on my head, he ruffles my hair and I crack a small smile.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get breakfast.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I reply.


    Sitting in the lunchroom, on my tray sits a small apple and a lonely piece of untoasted bread. I nibble on the edge of the crust, my appetite nearly nonexistent.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    And it isn¡¯t much different from my old life. Living back at the estate, I never ate anything really luxurious. Most days, the good food was cooked and saved for Father and Damien. And it made sense. After all, they were the ones going out all day, so they needed it more.


    On Lucas¡¯ plate, layers of bacon, bread rolls, waffles, and more are stacked high. I listen attentively as he tells his friends his new funny story of the week.


    ¡°And then my brother, right? Get this! He actually jumps off the roof!¡± Lucas stares at everyone with wide eyes, ¡°We didn¡¯t think that he would actually do it!¡±


    The boys cackle wildly.


    Dorian hangs his arm over Lucas'' neck, ¡°How high was it? Nothing you say could ever get me to jump.¡±


    Bastien pushes his shoulders up exasperatedly, ¡°Well what else do you think he''d do when Lucas had that hanging over him. I¡¯d jump along with him! Who else would? Raise your hand.¡±


    The opposing sides start debating, but worried, I cast a glance over at Lucas.


    Bastien notices my look first before sighing and turning to my raven-haired friend, ¡°Hey, Luke. What¡¯s he trying to say?¡±


    Lucas looks at me, our eyes meet, and his gaze softens.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to worry, Damien. My brother was okay. All he really got was a scolding from my dad afterwards and I didn¡¯t tell a soul his secret.¡±


    I let out a breath of relief.


    We share a smile and the table begins murmuring. Turning around, Lucas¡¯ eyes furrow as he watches everyone whisper quietly amongst themselves.


    ¡°What?¡± he asks, shoving Dorian who¡¯s sitting beside him.


    ¡°Nothing,¡± Dorian mumbles, looking up to the ceiling innocently and clasping his hands together.


    ¡°Wow¡­ you guys must really think I¡¯m stupid. What are you all whispering about? Just tell me,¡± he huffs at his friends.


    ¡°I¡¯m telling you! It¡¯s nothing. We just think that you and your boyfriend are really cute.¡±


    I drop my bread slice in shock but Lucas crosses his arms unphased and rolls his eyes, ¡°Ha¡­ha¡­¡±


    Bastien grins at him, ¡°Let¡¯s be real, you¡¯re the only one here that really understands this dude. All of us call you the ¡®Damien-Whisperer¡¯.¡±


    Pushing back he says, ¡°Damien is not that hard to understand. And since when do you guys have time to make these little names up? But, hey¡­ I¡¯ll admit, that label is clever. Real clever. How about we see if you hit as good as you speak on the field today. Wasn¡¯t really seeing it last season¡­¡±


    Bastien flushes, ¡°Yeah, well-! My average got better over Aestival. Might even get to take your job this year.¡±


    The team chuckles amongst themselves as morning breakfast begins to wind down.


    Standing up, they start to throw food out into the trashcan to their left. As the group leaves the room with a new big discussion taking the place of the old one, Lucas hangs back with me.


    As I throw out the leftover food on my tray he taps my shoulder and I turn around to see him sitting on the lunch table.


    ¡°Hey, sorry about that¡­ Dorian and the guys can be a little much,¡± He apologizes on behalf of his friends. ¡°Tell me if you want me to straighten them out.¡±


    I shake my head, ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡±


    He takes a second to look in my eyes to make sure I¡¯m not lying and after finding no untruthfulness he lets the matter go and gets up from the table.


    ¡°Okay then, Damien¡­ let¡¯s go! I don¡¯t want you to be late.¡±


    As we walk from the cafeteria, I can¡¯t help but stare at him. His hair sways with each step, strong eyes looking forward as if he didn¡¯t see a hallway but only his ambition.


    Light spills on our faces and shadow overtakes us in a rhythm as we pass window by window. I look down, rubbing the spot on my leather bag that has already begun to fray with how much I¡¯ve nervously picked at it. It¡¯s so amazing¡­ and he¡¯s just so considerate.


    It¡¯s a kindness I¡¯ve never experienced in my life, and knowing it was coming from a friend¡­ it just made it so much sweeter. I know that I should just be focused on completing my role for Father. But something about the passionate way Lucas talks and the goals he wants to accomplish¡­ It''s so inspiring.


    It just makes me wonder if maybe¡­ just maybe¡­ there¡¯s a future for me too.


    ~


    After classes for the day end, I walk to the batting fields with Lucas and his team.


    Placing my school books to my side, I take my usual seat on the bleachers and watch Lucas perform. Their voices are faint, but I hear them talking and teasing him again at the gate. I like Lucas'' friends but sometimes they could get to be a little too unruly. With so many personalities smushed together on a team, they butt heads often. Lucas was the glue that really held them together, the leader of them all.


    Cyrus¡¯ figure turns to the bleachers as he motions for me to come down. Quickly taking the cue, I leave my things and step down the stairs.


    ¡°Damien, Damien,¡± Cyrus walks up to me. ¡°The guys and I were talking and we decided that we wanted to see you bat. Lucas swears up and down that there¡¯s something special about you. We just want to see it.¡±


    Lucas groans, ¡°You don¡¯t have to Damien. They¡¯re just being extra annoying today.¡±


    ¡°Do¡­ do I have to be good?¡± I mumble, rubbing my fingers with my thumb.


    ¡°No! We just want to see you!¡± Dorian adds in, hanging onto Cyrus¡¯ shoulder.


    Lucas has been asking me to talk more and get closer with the team. I could never go to the city with them, but this was a way to bond with them without having to travel away from the school.


    But most important of all¡­ I could make him happy.


    Dorian tosses me a spare uniform from his duffle bag.


    ¡°Go change in the locker rooms over there. We¡¯ll wait for you.¡±


    I nod as I grip the clothes and go inside the small building. I glance back and find a worried look on Lucas'' face, but I give him our usual warm wave to signal that he shouldn''t be bothered.


    Walking into the locker room I see lines of shower-heads filling the entire left-side of the room, while bathroom stalls fill the right. I move over the square tiles and a small compartment in the very back of the building reveals the changing room. Before walking into the curtained space, I take a moment to stare at myself in the mirror.


    ¡®You can do this, Camille¡­ If you fit in that only makes it more likely that you won¡¯t be found out before the year¡¯s end. This is essential! And maybe¡­ you can do something for your first friend too.¡¯


    Spending another few minutes building up my courage, I go inside the changing room and start to take off my pants. The uniform is baggy so it''s hard to fit it properly on my small frame. Sleeves fit for Dorian¡¯s muscles overwhelm my tiny arms. And struggling with the helmet, cleats, and belt, I try to remember the order Lucas told me it all went on.


    ¡°And he does this everyday?¡± I question under my breath.


    In frustration, I take off the uniform jersey again and remove my undershirt and binder in hopes that it would make it easier to slip on before putting them back on after. Then suddenly as I¡¯m trying to invert the uniform, I hear footsteps walk in.


    ¡°Damien! It¡¯s me, Lucas. You were taking a while, so I wanted to see if you needed¡­¡± he trails off as he pulls away the curtain to find me.


    ¡°...help¡­¡± he mumbles.


    With wide eyes, I clutch my shirt to my bare chest.


    ¡°Damien,¡± he whispers, as the pieces begin to click in his head. His hands flinch and his eyes widen.


    ¡°Are you¡­¡±


    The rest of his words fade out in my ringing ears. At this moment in time, my eyes could roll to the back of my head and further then.


    It was just my luck, huh?


    Maybe Lucas was too considerate.

 Chapter 5 - Extraordinary

    Chapter 5


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Extraordinary¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 3968


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Octobris 11</h2>


    The grass I sit on tickles my exposed ankles.


    I try not to smile too wide as I stare into the setting sun¡¯s horizon. Morning critters chatter and old trees rustle as if they were going to wake up for the day as well. My eyes soften at the serene sight. It never bores me.


    Beside me, Lucas sits with a blank face.


    He¡¯s lost in thought once again.


    About a week ago when he walked in on me changing it felt like I could see his entire world view shatter within his eyes. Since that moment, he¡¯s been uncharacteristically quieter. Like a mind trying to mend itself.


    That day, he stumbled out of the locker room and left practice for the day without a word to his teammates. Without him there with no explanation, the team seemed a little deflated so their coach canceled training for the day.


    And what I thought would be the end of our friendship somehow seemed to make it stronger.


    That¡¯s not to say we talk more¡ªwe don¡¯t.


    In fact, he seems to talk to me much less than he did before. So maybe we didn¡¯t come closer in the emotional sense, but quite clearly in the physical sense.


    Ever since the locker room incident, he¡¯s been by my side even more than usual. I remember hearing his knock come the night after the incident. Most times we usually part for the day at around three in the afternoon but this night, I believe it was near seven when he arrived.


    In my pajamas, I opened the door in surprise since I was already planning my letter of failure to Mother. Wordlessly that night, he led me to this field and every evening since, we¡¯ve watched the sunrise together before parting back to our dorms.


    Just side by side in silence.


    This sunrise that we¡¯re enjoying... I think I¡¯m the only one really here in this moment. I don¡¯t bother myself with trying to decipher his actions, it¡¯s already clear to me that the other shoe will drop and I¡¯ll be carried away by law enforcement soon enough. So why not enjoy these few moments before they''re forever gone?


    I close my eyes and let the smell of freshly-cut grass enter my nose. This is what it must be like to be male¡­ this sense of freedom.


    I suddenly feel an unusual sensation on my upper thigh. Looking down, I see a multi-legged creature crawling up my leg. My body freezes up as I decipher it. Snapped out of his trance, Lucas notices my shock and places a calming hand on my shoulder before picking the being up with his other hand.


    ¡°There¡¯s no need to be worried. It¡¯s just a normal caterpillar, it can¡¯t hurt you... Most of the bugs here are harmless,¡± he casts me an amiable look.


    I return it with a smile. Yet as I do, I feel a sudden jerk caused by his hand hastily leaving my shoulder. His kind look is replaced with one of heavy embarrassment and he looks back down at the grass refusing to meet my eyes.


    My expression falls slightly as I place my hands back down on the grass. Pondering my next words, I wonder if it is even proper to speak to him without being spoken to first now that he knows that I¡¯m female. But I ultimately decide to say something.


    ¡°Lucas¡­¡± I mumble.


    Repeating the actions that he usually does when I¡¯m feeling anxious, I place my hand over his arm. He flinches under my touch.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay to tell me how you feel,¡± I echo his familiar words.


    His tan cheeks glow red as his broad shoulders slump down. ¡°I must look pathetic to you, huh?¡±


    Dismayed, I shake my head.


    ¡°Yeah, well¡­ I feel pretty pathetic,¡± he chuckles sourly.


    Looking up at the horizon and placing his arms over his knees he mumbles, ¡°Since that day that I walked in on you¡­ I¡¯ve been so confused. I¡¯m usually so sure about what I want to do in any situation, but lately I¡¯ve just been...Ha... to be honest, I don¡¯t even know what to call you anymore.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m still Damien,¡± I reply quietly.


    He turns his melancholy face to me, a small light of hope in his eyes as if I¡¯ll say something to make it all better, ¡°You can¡¯t even tell me what you¡¯re doing here? Or at the very least who you actually are?¡±


    I grimace, my heart hurting as I hear his one innocent wish be something I can¡¯t grant.


    ¡°Please, don¡¯t tell anyone,¡± I ask him. ¡°...If you haven¡¯t already.¡±


    He sighs and looks back towards the horizon, ¡°But that¡¯s the problem, I should. And I know I should. It¡¯s not just a school problem, it¡¯s way bigger than just us. It could go up to the government¡­ I could be in serious trouble just speaking to you right now. Saying something early is the only option that makes sense¡­¡±


    My face darkens.


    ¡°But¡­ I can¡¯t do that to you, Damien. I must be stupid. For some reason¡­ I still trust you. I still think that there¡¯s a good reason for all of this and that you''re a good person. And despite it all, you¡¯re still my friend.¡±


    Mixed emotions swirl within me. An overwhelming admiration for Lucas and crushing self-hatred for dragging him into the middle of my family affair. I can¡¯t speak, I just stare at him and I hope that my eyes can relay all of my inner thoughts.


    ¡°Am I the only one who knows?¡± he asks.


    I raise a finger to signal that one more person knows. Lucas rubs his face in exhaustion and falls backward, sinking into the grass.


    I move closer to him, my grip tightening on his blazer as I quickly say, ¡°But you¡¯re the only one I trust! You¡¯re my only friend! Lucas¡­ I¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Hearing my plea, his tired face relaxes and he lets out a short laugh, ¡°I guess I knew you were special from the moment I met you.¡±


    I let out a soft laugh back.


    We watch each other for a moment before he releases a breath I didn¡¯t know he was holding and looks back to the sunrise. Placing his hands over mine, he leads me into releasing his jacket and we both watch the horizon together.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never met a girl like you,¡± he says suddenly.


    I think over my next words.


    ¡°In a good way?¡±


    He laughs as the exhaustion leaves his face, ¡°I think so!¡±


    I giggle back before placing a hand over my mouth, but that¡¯s not enough to keep the dam of sad laughter from escaping our hearts.


    We spend the rest of our morning laughing on the grass.


    ~


    As I walk in the hallway to my next class I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning back, I expect to see Lucas, but instead I find Dorian standing behind me.


    ¡°Hey, Damien¡­¡± he says awkwardly, hands shoved in his pockets and staring at the ceiling.


    Without Lucas as a mediator, it seems he doesn¡¯t know how to talk to me.


    ¡°I wanted to ask you something,¡± He mutters, rubbing the back of his head, now looking towards the bulletin board across the hallway. ¡°It¡¯s about Lucas.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± I answer quietly.


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen you walking around with him lately, but the team and I have barely talked to him since last week. He¡¯s been skipping practice and whenever we catch him in the hallway or at the dorm he looks like a ghost. Did he tell you anything? Is he okay?¡±


    I look at him shocked. I didn¡¯t realize that Lucas was that shaken up by his sudden knowledge of my secret. Maybe I could understand that he would be stunned for the first few days, but at this point it¡¯s been a week. Is he okay?


    ¡°No¡­ I¡¯m not sure,¡± I reply. ¡°I apologize, Dorian.¡±


    ¡°No, no. It¡¯s alright¡­ I guess¡­ Just do something for me next time you see him, okay? Talk to him. Tell him that we¡¯re worried about him, maybe he¡¯ll listen to you,¡± he sighs before walking off.


    ¡°I will¡­¡± I mumble under my breath.


    ~


    After my last class, I see Lucas waiting for me outside.


    ¡°Damien!¡± he calls warmly.


    ¡°Hello, Lucas,¡± I reply, greeting him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t we usually meet at the batting fields?¡± I ask.


    He shrugs, ¡°Ah, well¡­ I wanted to see you earlier.¡±


    Shrugging it off, we begin walking together. Yet I notice that he stands a few inches more away from me than usual. His arms are placed firmly to his side as he walks as if to make sure not even his sleeve would brush against me. It¡¯s weird and it doesn¡¯t feel like him. Here I thought we made progress last night... This only makes Dorian¡¯s worries feel more pressing to me.


    ¡°Lucas¡­ I need to talk to you,¡± I say worriedly.


    ¡°Is it something really important?¡± he asks after hearing my serious tone.


    I nod.


    ¡°Well, do you think it could wait until tomorrow night, then? There¡¯s a baseball recruiting social that St. Reginald¡¯s Academy organized and all of the players have to attend. Anyway, I think after that my mind will be clearer. I¡¯d rather not have anything else on my mind,¡± he says.


    My worries begin to melt away by the pound. Of course, it all made sense¡­! He was only acting differently because he was afraid of the scouting event tomorrow and being surrounded by all of those officials. Succeeding at this is his future after all.


    ¡°Of course,¡± I say.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    His gaze softens, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°By the way, I got a plus-one ticket for it. Cyrus and Dorian are going together. So I put you down as mine¡­ This was before the incident last week, by the way¡­¡± He rubs the back of his head, quietly. ¡°Will you come?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I will,¡± I say.


    Although the idea of being in a room filled with observant men when I don¡¯t have to be feels nauseating, despite the fear, I want to be there to support Lucas.


    Taking me to my dorm, I say goodbye to him as I slowly close the door. He leaves with a short wave and passes the corner.


    Finn glances over at me from his bed, ¡°Is Mr. Sunshine, okay? He¡¯s been less annoying than usual lately¡­¡±


    As per usual, I ignore Finn and take a seat on my bed. Sebastian snickers as Finn grumbles under his breath about my attitude towards him.


    I hope that after tomorrow, everything can go back to normal. I¡¯d never forgive myself if I broke one of my most precious relationships over such a silly accident.


    Closing my eyes, I hope that Father isn¡¯t watching me right now. Here I was once again, reaching for something more than a woman should. But couldn¡¯t I have a break?


    Just this once. Just for him?


    Maybe I could also live for something greater¡­ greater than my role¡­


    ¡®I hope this isn¡¯t blasphemy¡­¡¯ I send my wish up to the skies above.


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Octobris 12</h2>


    The next day comes and passes swiftly.


    I couldn¡¯t focus in class thinking about the social today.


    It would be at the academy, so at the very least I wouldn¡¯t be too far from my base. But being surrounded by all of those important people¡­ it makes me nervous just thinking about it.


    I sit on Lucas'' bed in his room as he rummages through his closet. Dorian and Cyrus were already on their way to the officiating building so it was just us in the room.


    ¡°Okay¡­ I think I found something you can wear¡­¡± Lucas calls, as he pulls something out from his pile of clothes.


    Turning around, I realize that he looks a lot different than usual. His straight hair was slicked back professionally, not a flyaway in sight. The formal feel of his ebony suit didn''t match his personality, but I would be lying if I said that it wasn''t tailored to his body type perfectly. He looked slick and mature, the kind of person that catches your eye.


    ¡°What?¡± he asks, noticing my stare.


    ¡°...You look nice,¡± I reply honestly.


    He doesn¡¯t reply, instead rubbing the back of his head with a short chuckle.


    ¡°Wear this, it¡¯s my younger brother¡¯s. I don¡¯t know how it got in my luggage, but at least you have something formal to wear now,¡± he says as he hands me the folded suit pieces.


    ¡°Okay,¡± I reply.


    ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll just be out here,¡± he mumbles awkwardly leaving the room for me to change.


    The door clicks and I get started. As I switch out of my uniform into the suit I catch a glimpse of myself in Lucas'' mirror. I always feel like I see someone different every time I look in the mirror. I don''t know whether to call that reflection ¡°Camille¡± or ¡°Damien.¡± Neither feel right or all-encompassing of what I¡¯ve become.


    I change quickly and walk out to find Lucas leaning on his doorframe waiting for me.


    ¡°Are you ready, my good sir?¡± he asks, dramatically presenting the hallway to me with an overly-fancy hand motion.


    I hold back a laugh and nod.


    We step out of the dormitory and into the cool night air, making our way to the building where the social is being held. Reaching the entrance is fast, but the elevator ride feels much slower as it moves toward the top floor of this towering thirty-story structure.


    When we finally make it to the top, the elevator door opens to reveal the high-profile event. Silver chandeliers hang from the ceilings over carefully-arranged banquets that stretch from one corner of the room to the other. The chatter of sophisticated people fill the air and it is obvious from the mood that every man on this floor commands respect.


    My heart races as my legs beg me to run; Everything about them reminds me of Father. He could be standing right in front of me and it wouldn¡¯t seem out of place in the slightest. Yet I don¡¯t see him. All that¡¯s seared in my memory is his scarred face burned and ravaged by the plane crash.


    I begin hyperventilating as my eyes dart around the room. But in my panic, I feel a familiar hand on my shoulder.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Damien. I¡¯ll be right here with you,¡± Lucas says in a sincere quiet whisper. ¡°Just stay with me.¡±


    And it seems those words are all I need. Grip tightening on the bottom of his suit, I swallow my inhibitions and move forward into the crowd with him.


    Lucas goes from table to table introducing himself to every scout as I trail like a shadow behind him. As he speaks, I become more and more certain that the suit has made him a different person.


    Each word was carefully chosen, his body language was confident, and his steady gaze never faltered with anyone he encountered. I had nearly forgotten that to have gotten into St. Reginald¡¯s Academy everyone that I¡¯ve encountered must have come from a well-established or intelligent family line.


    His ceremonious way of talking was captivating like watching a perfectly tailored fish swim.


    With each passing second, my admiration for him grows to even greater heights.


    In the corner of my eye, I see Bastien, Cyrus, Dorian, and many of the others doing the same. Although they were usually rowdy, they seemed to know when propriety mattered and switched without fail. How mesmerizing¡­


    Throughout the night, I follow Lucas as he establishes himself with each and every notable scout on the floor. Finally he finishes his rapport with the last one and all that¡¯s left is the closing remarks before the event finally ends.


    ¡°You okay?¡± he whispers to me at the catering area.


    I nod.


    Even so, he begins to look around the space for something.


    ¡°Ah¡­ there¡¯s a balcony. We can go out to talk for a moment before it all ends,¡± he notes. ¡°Come on.¡±


    Stepping out of the main plaza we walk into the cool air of the outside veranda. He closes the pretty opaque glass behind us and finally we can talk alone.


    ¡°Ah¡­ freedom!¡± he yells out into the distance.


    I stare at him in shock.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry!¡± he laughs. ¡°The door is thick. They can¡¯t hear me.¡±


    I look down the railing and see how far the ground is from us. I try not to be anxious, but I still find myself slipping closer to him in an attempt to calm myself.


    We look into the distance next to one another. I notice that he¡¯s become quiet again and glance towards him.


    Lucas leans on the beautifully carved metal railings. Moonlight reflecting in his conflicted, hazel, eyes.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Do you want the truth?¡± he looks at me with a smile but a downcast expression.


    ¡°Yes¡­¡± I reply.


    ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know anymore, Damien. I thought I would be after today. But honestly, I feel even worse right now.¡± he mutters, squeezing his fists together in frustration.


    Approaching him with pleading eyes, I place my hand on his shoulder and say in comfort, ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be scouted! You have no reason to worry, Lucas!¡±


    He laughs, gently sliding my hands away from him.


    Turning towards me and pushing his cheeks up on the railing he chuckles, ¡°...That¡¯s why I like you, Damien. I feel like I can say anything to you. Anything at all even if you don¡¯t understand. I don¡¯t feel that way with anyone else. Not even with Cyrus.¡±


    I looked at him puzzled.


    ¡°When I walked in on you changing, nothing really made sense to me at first. For ten seconds too long, I probably stood there like an idiot staring at you. I apologize for that, honestly¡­ and¡­ I hate to admit it, but since then I¡¯ve seen you differently.¡±


    He shifts from one foot to the other uncomfortably wringing his hands. Lucas is never nervous. I can tell that right now he¡¯s letting his every feeling be exposed. Bare for me to see.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t know, I come from a family of eight. One mother. One father. And five other brothers. My mother died when I was six and I¡¯ve never had a sister. You obviously know that in Aurelia-Fields women aren¡¯t allowed outside, so if you had an all-male family, you basically grew up with no female contact until marriage. And I thought that would be my future. That the first time I¡¯d hold a girl¡¯s hand would be my fiance¡¯s at my wedding. At least, that¡¯s the way it was supposed to be. My dad had it all planned out, yet¡­¡±


    He looks at me softly, ¡°Then you showed up for orientation, huh?¡±


    ¡°And I told a lie,¡± he sighs as he looks back out into the distance.


    ¡°I told you that I didn¡¯t tell the principal about you because you were my friend. And don¡¯t get me wrong! That¡¯s true¡­ But I think¡­ I think that there¡¯s something else there. Something I¡¯ve never felt before. It¡¯s a weird sensation. I haven¡¯t been myself and when I¡¯m with you, I just¡­ I just get overwhelmed with so many different thoughts!¡±


    ¡°And you! You¡¯re not just some regular girl. Just being around you gets me thinking about my future and¡­! And suddenly it doesn¡¯t seem so set-in-stone anymore. It feels like I stepped out of the stream that I¡¯ve been stuck in since I was born. And now I have the choice of getting back in or maybe¡­ exploring a different path.¡±


    He suddenly sighs in embarrassment washing his hands over his face, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s okay¡­¡± I say.


    ¡°I think we¡¯re odd¡­ or maybe peculiar. A strange couple of people,¡± he mutters.


    ¡°I like the word, ¡®extraordinary,¡¯¡± I whisper looking down at the academy below.


    He snickers, the sound quickly bubbling into full-blown laughter, before turning to me with a gleam of exhilaration in his eyes, ¡°Yes! ¡®Extraordinary.¡¯ That¡¯s a good one! Maybe we¡¯re something to behold, huh?¡±


    He turns towards me and though we were already close, he closes the distance even further. Our arms sit beside one another, a feather length¡¯s apart. I¡¯ve never seen his eyes with so much passion so I stare back stunned.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how to feel when I look at you. I don¡¯t know how to describe it. ¡­I can¡¯t even tell if it¡¯s right or wrong¡­¡± he mumbles.


    Careful, tender, hands slip behind my ear brushing away my short hair. At this point we were so close a soft breeze could throw into his arms.


    ¡°Do you feel the same?¡± he whispers.


    My voice is caught within my throat, eyes locked with his.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure¡­¡± I mumble.


    A soft blush captures his cheeks.


    His voice comes so low, I can barely hear it, ¡°But we can know for sure¡­¡±


    ¡°May¡­ may I kiss you?¡±


    ¡°...Okay,¡± I reply almost silently.


    He leans down and I move in. The cool air is replaced by heat as his warm lips meet mine. And through it all, my heart pounds within my chest. His left hand on my cheek and right hand running through my hair as my fingers lay lightly on his arms.


    But as time passes, I realize that the pounding in my chest is not a product of this loving moment.


    No, instead I realize that it¡¯s coming from the fear that a person may walk in and find us this way. That my cover would be blown and I would disappoint Father.


    Feeling him break away from me, I open my eyes.


    And from Lucas'' face, I can tell that our kiss was something special for him. The way he¡¯s looking at me¡­ it¡¯s an expression I have never seen before. Light eyes sparkling, staring right into mine. Lips still slightly parted as if in shock.


    And yet for me¡­ everything feels the same.


    His warmth is once again quickly replaced by the cool air.


    Like it had never happened at all.


    In fact, at this moment I feel the crushing weight of the world bearing down on me, squeezing the breath from my lungs.


    My first kiss was nothing like the storybooks, nothing like the fragile dreams I had dared to let linger in my mind. I never hoped to fall in love, but I had hoped for something¡ªsomething different. I had hoped that with him, the one person who means more to me than anyone outside my family, I¡¯d find something new. A key to unlock the chains that have cemented around my heart.


    And yet, life feels just as hollow, just as heavy, as it always has.


    And that realization. That realization that nothing will ever change. It hurts more than I can describe.


    I hold a forced smile watching Lucas'' face envelope in red.


    ¡°...That was my first,¡± he laughs, rubbing his face in a mixture of embarrassment and happiness.


    ¡°Mine as well,¡± I reply, quietly.


    ¡°I guess we¡¯re bound then, huh?¡± he chuckles as he intertwines his fingers with mine.


    I smile back.


    I smile, but this moment only seemed to act as a catalyst that would form something terrible in the deep recesses of my heart. A bottomless pit.


    Younger Camille was gone.


    This was her final reach for something outside of her predestined fate¡­ and it failed her. But, I should¡¯ve known better than to reach for something greater. I¡¯m a tool and my role is to bring glory to Father. It¡¯s always been.


    Hope only begets disappointment and here I am disappointed.


    And I won¡¯t be disappointed again.

 Chapter 6 - Callous

    Chapter 6


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Callous¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2467


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Novembris 5</h2>


    It''s the beginning of the third month of school.


    Hibernal has finally taken hold, and though the world is cold, there are days when I hardly notice the bite of the icy air. Most things, I¡¯ve realized, now only seem to leave me feeling numb.


    Only six more months until school lets out which means that there¡¯s only that many more months until this fa?ade ends. My feelings about it ebb like tidal waves.


    Since our moment on the balcony, Lucas has been following me around like a dog and every morning after, I¡¯ve had to get used to a new routine. Before the sun comes up, we both take a trip to the baseball locker rooms.


    His warm hands trail up my arms as my back pushes up against the cool tiles of the wall each day. He shadows over me, trumping my height by seven inches, a difference I never really noticed before.


    Soft lips fall on my neck and move up to my cheek before trailing to my lips. As he draws closer, soft strands of jet-black hair brush against my face, intertwining lightly with the brown of my own. And every once in a while he looks up and offers me a tender smile, pink dusting his cheeks.


    His passionate gaze makes me feel like a liar and I know too well that I don¡¯t deserve his affection. But at the very least¡­ he¡¯s happy.


    Feeling a buzz in my pocket, I gently push him away from me.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Lucas asks, raising his hand to his mouth. He turns to look out the window and sees the coming sun. ¡°We don¡¯t have much time¡­¡±


    I mumble to myself as I stare at my pager.


    ¡°Damien?¡±


    ¡°I have to go,¡± I say hastily.


    He backs away and I straighten up my clothes. But before I leave, he places a warm hand on my cheek.


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you after class,¡± Lucas says with a smile.


    I muster a smile back before power-walking out of the locker rooms. Mother¡¯s message read ¡®Urgent¡¯ with a code typed after it. ¡®B5TO9L ¡¯


    I inhale sharply once I finally translate it.


    A suitor has been found for me. The plan is finally in full motion.


    ¡®So now it¡¯s certain. I¡¯m due to be married by the end of this school year. Soon, Father can finally rest,¡¯ my mind whispers. ¡®And I¡¯m glad! When I¡¯m gone Lucas can marry a girl who truly deserves him. Maybe she¡¯ll be able to love in a way that I can¡¯t.¡¯


    As I walk back to the dorms I look to the horizon and watch the morning sun peek out from behind the rooftops.


    Ah¡­ but it seems that I failed to mention one thing in my initial thoughts.


    ¡®So, this is it.¡¯


    After my marriage, I will be given to another man and find myself dormant within a four-walled mansion once again. Except this time I¡¯ll surely remain there until my dying day.


    I pause, letting the courtyard grass brush against my legs. The morning frost has chilled the once-warm blades, but the cold feels strangely comforting.


    ¡®My dying day¡­¡¯


    My face dampens suddenly and it¡¯s such a peculiar feeling that I touch my cheek to investigate.


    ¡®Ah¡­¡¯ I ponder.


    ¡®I¡¯m crying.¡¯


    As Lucas had forewarned, the sun is beginning to rise. I unexpectedly find myself overwhelmed by a coming orange-blue sky lit up by the familiar celestial body.


    Its light touches the trees, the cold blades of grass, the squirrels hibernating in concealed bark, and even me, providing solace to all its living creatures. Almost as if saying,


    ¡®The hard part is over.¡¯


    Daylight spills over my body tracing my face with a soft touch and I watch as the sun smiles at me.


    But suddenly, an overwhelming urge to scream rises within my body as the welcoming daylight wraps me in its gentle embrace. But I don¡¯t yell aloud, I only yell within the confines of my heart.


    ¡®Don¡¯t look at me that way. Don¡¯t warm my face and tell me that there¡¯s hope¡­¡¯


    I clutch my shirt the desperate way I used to do as a child.


    ¡® I¡¯ve spent years hoping and begging and dreaming! And when I finally made it out here, I found that there¡¯s nothing in this world meant for me! I have no friends! I have no future! I¡¯m no longer the woman I used to be nor will I ever be a man. There''s no room for my kind. Every day, every single one, is a bomb in disguise because one slip of the tongue will get me sent to death row. So, don¡¯t draw me to tears so easily. Don¡¯t be so unfair to me, sun¡­¡¯


    Nonetheless, the stoic luminary star shines and with a final glance, I open the institution¡¯s door and disappear behind the frame.


    ~


    Classes go by, the teachers¡¯ words sounding muffled as I stare outside of the frosted window at the beautiful courtyard. It¡¯ll be encased in ice until Vernal brings its first thaw. I spend the entire day in that haze.


    When I leave my final class for the day, as usual I find Lucas leaning on the door¡¯s frame.


    A week after the social, the baseball team praised me for ¡°saving¡± Lucas. Apparently since then, he¡¯s been performing at a rate that rivaled long-held school records. Because of that they don¡¯t mind as much that he spends half of his free-time with me and the other half with them, but thinking about me.


    Yet, I wouldn¡¯t mind if we cut our time together into another half.


    Every word, every stutter, every blush, it buries another tiny dagger deeper into my skin knowing that the day will come when I eventually break his heart.


    We make it to my dorm room and he watches as I unlock it with my key. Wasting no time, I sit at my desk at the far end of the room and begin writing down homework answers. As I calculate the numbers on the page, Lucas sits on the chair beside me with his own work but peering over my shoulder. With both my mornings and nights spent with my raven-haired classmate, it has been getting harder and harder to perform in school.


    Plus with night coming faster in these cold months, I only had two hours before the sun would go down forcing me to break for the day.


    ¡°Your handwriting is beautiful¡­ It''s really precise,¡± he mutters.


    I hand him one of my fake smiles which he glows at.


    ¡°A-also! You¡¯re pretty smart, Damien. Maybe we should study together sometime¡­?¡± He starts and trails off as he rubs the tips of his fingers sheepishly with his other hand.


    I nod silently and he grins once again, face glowing with red tinted over his cheeks, ¡°...Cool.¡±


    From his top bunk on the other side of the room, Finn watches with a grimace. Pretending to yak, my roommate puts his brown paper lunch bag over his mouth and dramatically dies on his mattress.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Lucas ignores him.


    Sebastian looks at us from his bed, taking a break from his third rereading of the book that I leant him, to show his annoyance with a targeted glance.


    Lucas also ignores him.


    Deep in my Calculus homework, I suddenly become aware of his hand lingering just above my shoulder, hesitant to rest there as if weighing how far he could go without inviting suspicion.


    Inwardly, I sigh.


    I already knew that he was only getting so risky because I cut our ¡®meeting¡¯ short this morning.


    Finn watches the scene with gentle amusement.


    ¡°So you do have a thing for him,¡± he sings, habitually twirling the piece of hair that often falls in front of his eyes.


    Lucas immediately pulls his hand back.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± he scowls at Finn.


    The silver-haired boy rolls around on his bed casually, kicking his feet up on the frame like he was swaying on a hammock.


    ¡°It¡¯s obvious that you¡¯re lovers. What? Do you steal kisses in the bathrooms, hm? Or maybe you take romantic midnight strolls?¡±


    Lucas'' face blooms with the reddest flush I¡¯ve ever seen, yet I watch their exchange with calm indifference.


    Given that I¡¯ve lived with Finn for three months now, I can tell when he¡¯s being serious or not and this is not one of his serious moments. But, the words seem to frazzle Lucas deeply and that¡¯s when I begin to get a little nervous that he might say something that he¡¯s not supposed to say.


    I place a hand on his arm in an attempt to comfort him but at my touch he shoots up from the desk involuntarily.


    Everyone¡¯s eyes in the room focus on him.


    ¡°Er¡­¡± he mumbles.


    Seemingly at a loss for words he manages an awkward wave to me, before shuffling out of the room.


    Finn watches the scene with a mixed look of utter disbelief and glee on his face before wasting no time getting down from his bunk. He crosses the room in record time with the express purpose of bugging me.


    ¡°I was just joking! Are you two really¡­?¡±


    I don¡¯t respond.


    ¡°Come on, Damien! I can¡¯t tell if that¡¯s you avoiding the question or you ignoring me as usual,¡± he prods my cheek with his finger. ¡°Hey, hey we¡¯re roommates right? And roomies are kind of like friends. Mhm, and friends tell each other everything! So, that means that you should tell m-¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not friends, Finn,¡± I say coldly.


    His blue eyes meet mine as if ready to fight but after gazing into my tired expression, he quiets down. And for once in his life takes the cue to leave.


    Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he huffs, ¡°Geez¡­ it was just a question¡­¡±


    It was in character for Damien to give the cold shoulder to Finn, but maybe that¡¯s not the only reason that I did it. Maybe it was because he was throwing around that term I care so much for, so carelessly.


    Seemingly without warning, tears begin to escape from my eyes once again. They drop and pool on my workbook and I have to wipe them away before any more damage can be done.


    ¡®Urgh¡­My body is such a nuisance¡­¡¯


    Why am I so torn up about this? It was stupid to think that I could find a life-long friend in the first place. I had forgotten my role and was sending meaningless pleas up to the skies when I should¡¯ve known that no matter where he was, Father would be the man he always has been, emotionless.


    ¡®It was careless. It was futile. It was worthless. It was¡­¡¯


    As I wait for my workbook to dry, I cast a thoughtless glance to my right and see Sebastian looking back at me.


    In a sudden flare of embarrassment, I wipe my face hoping he didn¡¯t catch any remaining glimmers of tears at the corners of my eyes. When I finish, I peek back to my side and see that he¡¯s returned to reading the book.


    Finn has gotten over my dismissal and seems to be taking a long nap on his bed. As I gingerly open my book to make sure the water has evaporated, I feel a buzz in my pants.


    I slide the pager out of my pocket and see that Mother has contacted me once again.


    It takes me five minutes to translate the array of letters and numbers into a lexicon that makes sense. It takes me another five minutes to check my work. And it takes me ten minutes to check it again as a nauseous feeling begins to form in my stomach.


    As I¡¯m reading the message for the fifth time, I hear a knock on the door. Sebastian stands up to turn the knob and once he does the person I feared seeing most appears from behind the frame.


    ¡°Damien!¡± a gruff voice bellows.


    I feel sickly.


    ¡°How big are your sister¡¯s jugs? And is she hot, like magazine hot!? Arghh, I can¡¯t believe my brother-in-law is going to be a string bean like you!¡±


    ¡°Jugs¡­?¡± Sebastian says as he grimaces.


    Finn suddenly sits up as if he¡¯s been raised from the dead.


    ¡°Why are there more guys, hm? You¡¯ve been getting busy, Damien,¡± he teases as he watches the event from under his sheets.


    The knot in my stomach furls and unfurls as I sit in bed scrunching my uniform¡¯s pants.


    ¡®Your suitor will be Leonard Montgomery.¡¯


    That''s what the message had said.


    The one I decoded several times praying that there was a misspelling or mistake somewhere. I assume he learned the news from his parents at the same time and immediately came running here.


    Leonard looks towards me with a wide grin. His hair had been retouched recently so red now filled every follicle. It almost feels as though he¡¯s grown taller since our first meeting, but it¡¯s unmistakable that he is still the same brute who attempted to intimidate me on my first day.


    And although I wasn¡¯t afraid then, nor am I afraid now, it is strikingly obvious that our personalities just don¡¯t mix.


    ¡°Oi, Damien!¡± Leonard yells stomping over.


    He picks me up from my bed like paper and shakes me like a doll. Sebastian stares on in shock while Finn rolls over in his bed laughing so hard that he might die.


    ¡°What! Does! She! Look! Like!¡±


    ¡°And her butt!! How thick is her¡­¡±


    The buzzing in my ears grows more intense.


    ¡®So is this what it¡¯s like to suffer? ¡¯


    ~


    ¡°So your sister is getting married?¡± Finn says, handing me an ice pack for my headache.


    After a long, fruitless, thirty-minute effort from Leonard to learn anything about his future bride''s body, he finally left to serve his after-school detention. But he would surely be back in the coming days.


    ¡°I guess,¡± I mutter.


    ¡°You get used to it. I¡¯ve had a bunch of sisters get married already. The ceremonies are always boring.¡±


    ¡°Uh huh¡­¡±


    I wince as I move my head onto my pillow.


    Finn has stopped talking.


    When I open my eyes to look back at him, I find that he¡¯s staring at my face in silence. We lock gazes for a few seconds longer than we normally do.


    ¡°What?¡± I mumble.


    ¡°...Nothing.¡±


    I inwardly roll my eyes at his cryptic expression before turning on my side in an attempt to sleep.


    As Camille rests in her bed, the boys on the other-side of the moonlit room share a conversation.


    ¡°Hey,¡± Finn whispers.


    ¡°What,¡± Sebastian replies, nightlight on as he works on his essay.


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...Is Damien gay?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    Silence envelops both of them.


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...Is Damien a girl?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡±

 Chapter 7 - Alone

    Chapter 7


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Alone¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2592


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Novembris 29</h2>


    ¡®Your suitor will be Leonard Montgomery.¡¯


    No matter how many times I translated it over the past month it always came out to the same message. Every morning and every night, I hoped and prayed for Mother to write to me saying that it was a mistake or that the marriage deal had fallen through, but no such correspondence came.


    My betrothal was set in stone.


    By the end of the school-year, I would be set to marry Leonard and I would live out the rest of my days with him as my husband. And as if he could sense it, Leonard seemed to match my intensity of my despair with his lust for knowledge for the features of his future bride.


    My eyes open and adjust to the early morning darkness. The bliss of being in a faraway dream is replaced instantly with the dreary smoke of reality.


    ¡®Maybe I was bad in a past life and the universe is punishing me,¡¯ I whisper in my head.


    Sitting up in bed, I stare at crumpled pages on my nightstand. They¡¯re composed of homework that¡¯s finished but unorganized. I wait for my mind to wake up as I observe each crease in the papers.


    ¡®Another day of dodging Leonard,¡¯ a thought finally comes.


    With a quiet groan, I stretch my back and swing my body to the floor to start walking over to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I splash water on my face then take off my pajama shirt to tighten my binder.


    ¡®And another day of praying that Lucas falls sick like he did last week. I finally got four days of peace. Well¡­ as nice as peace could get with Leonard hounding me every day.¡¯


    It isn¡¯t as if I hate Leonard since this marriage will save Father¡¯s wealth and lineage. That¡¯s all that I¡¯m here for, after all.


    I look up at the mirror through the steam of the running water. I touch my cheeks and trail my fingers up to my eyes looking for something that I felt was there but just hidden below the surface of my skin. Yet, I find nothing.


    ¡®But I just can''t imagine him being satisfied with me as his wife.¡¯


    It seems that he doesn¡¯t like me very much as Damien, so I doubt that he will like me any differently as Camille. If I disappoint him, which I most likely will since I don¡¯t have a ¡®rack larger than two prize-winning watermelons,¡¯ I doubt he¡¯ll want anything to do with me. It¡¯s easier to live in a house that tolerates your existence than to live in one that resents you.


    As I reflect on the past few days in this moment of precious solitude, I suddenly hear knocking on the door. Peeking out of the bathroom door I look at the knob twisting from the other side. It¡¯s probably Lucas ready to take me to the locker room for another bout of ¡°exploration,¡± especially after losing days from him being sick.


    Slipping on my loafers with my finger, I gingerly open the door ready to see his early morning smile.


    But as light filters in from the hallway window, I see that it¡¯s not Lucas that stands outside.


    ¡°Damien!! Your sister¡¯s thighs! On a scale of pencil to tree-trunk, how fat are they?¡±


    ¡®Ah, and here comes my headache.¡¯


    ¡°You¡¯re early,¡± I mumble, wiping the sleepiness from my eyes. ¡°Too early.¡±


    He retorts in a low voice, ¡°Come on brother, I just need a few sentences. Just for my imagination. Don¡¯t be so stiff.¡±


    I stare at him in annoyance thinking of what to say when I hear the sound of Lucas'' loafers coming down the hall. I push past Leonard¡¯s figure and share a glance with my raven-haired friend. With a quick nod, Lucas hides behind the hallways corner to avoid coming into Leonard¡¯s view.


    But before slipping away to meet Lucas, I turn back to the redhead and rest a hand on his arm.


    ¡°Try again tomorrow,¡± I reply. ¡°Or don¡¯t. I¡¯d really rather you didn¡¯t.¡±


    He scoffs, twisting his bicep away from me in disgust and I turn and walk out the door.


    Leonard is the only man I have no problem being cheeky towards since I feel like Damien would do the same, but that is an attitude that will be swiftly dropped once this costume is off and we¡¯re wed. Even saying those words to him makes my arms feel prickly as if I¡¯ve done a terrible wrong.


    Lucas places a hand on my head and smiles once I reach him.


    I try to smile back.


    Leonard grumbles to himself watching Camille leave before he closes the door and slumps down the frame in aggravation.


    Sebastian looks up from his pillow with sleepy eyes, ¡°Are you just going to stay here, then?¡±


    ¡°What? You have a problem with that? Do you want your face in a toilet like your friend?¡±


    Finn rolls uncomfortably in his sleep as if Leonard¡¯s words permeated his dreamstate.


    ¡°Forget I said anything,¡± Sebastian mutters, sinking back into his sheets.


    Leonard wipes his face in exasperation before pausing, hands jolting up like lightning.


    ¡°Wait, blondie,¡± he booms.


    Sebastian looks back up slightly irked, ¡®Can¡¯t he speak in a volume that¡¯s lower than a hundred decibels?¡¯


    Leonard walks over to him and takes a seat on his bed.


    The railing of the bunk bed is too short and keeps him from fully sitting under, so Sebastian begrudgingly sits up to listen.


    ¡°I don¡¯t get that pipsqueak. He won¡¯t tell me squat about his sister and I have no idea why. It¡¯s not like my questions are hard to answer!¡±


    Sebastian mulls it over before speaking, ¡°I mean, asking, ¡®How thick are her thighs! Are they pencil-size or as thick as an elephant¡¯s trunk!¡¯ is not something a guy would want to answer about his sister.¡±


    ¡°It was tree trunk.¡±


    ¡°Okay, excuse me for being bold, but the metaphors that you¡¯re using are not the issue.¡±


    ¡°Argh! So what should I do? You seem like you would know something about Damien. You¡¯re both like¡­ really nerdy.¡±


    Ignoring his last sentence, Sebastian¡¯s eyes hesitantly flickers to his hands and twists his fingers as if he has something that he wants to admit.


    The redhead grimaces as he watches.


    ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know,¡± Sebastian finally mumbles, half-heartedly.


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    Leonard stands up with a groan.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe I just wasted my time. Of course you wouldn¡¯t know. You know what, I¡¯ll keep doing what I¡¯m doing. He¡¯ll break eventually.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d be surprised what ¡®he¡¯ could take,¡± Sebastian mutters under his breath as the tall man leaves the room.


    I walk back to the dorm from the courtyard as residual yawns still escape from my lips. Now that my time at the lockers is done, I have to get my books and bag, go through another school day, fall asleep, and repeat it all again. Every single day until the end of the school year.


    I let out an audible sigh.


    Just thinking about it makes my heart feel weary. But finally, I¡¯ll be able to bring honor to Father by marrying Leonard. Everything¡¯s on track. That¡¯s all this was ever about.


    I slip past the hallways passing other chattering boys.


    So why do I feel so much emptier today than I did when I first came here? Is it Lucas'' personality which I feel as if I pervert with my very presence. Or maybe it¡¯s Leonard¡¯s questions that make me ever more certain that every day spent with him in our new home would be torture for us both? Or is it something else?


    Something I haven¡¯t felt since those long-gone days under Father¡¯s discipline.


    ¡®Hm¡­ Oh, yes¡­ I think I understand now.¡¯


    I open the door to my dorm room.


    Even then. Back when all the stories I had of the outside world came out of Father and Damien¡¯s mouths while Mother and I sat huddled in a hardwood corner, I had something. But it¡¯s been wringed further away from me with each passing day.


    ¡®Yes¡­ at least I wasn¡¯t-¡¯


    My thoughts are interrupted by a tap on my shoulder and I turn towards the person in surprise. It¡¯s Sebastian, the boy who had made it his mission to say as few words to me as possible since our very first conversation.


    ¡°Let¡¯s talk,¡± he says, wasting no time for pleasantries.


    ¡°...Okay,¡± I answer.


    We both take a seat on his bed. Finn is already gone, most likely serving early morning detention for enacting another prank on Principal Ambrose. He seems to be a magnet for trouble with no regard for how other people take him. I wonder how many trips to our bathroom he can take before learning not to call Leonard a meathead to his face.


    I look at Sebastian as I put my hands on my lap respectfully waiting to be spoken to before I speak. After all, the only people I have to be formal towards are Sebastian and Lucas since only they know my identity.


    He rolls his eyes at my stiff posture.


    ¡°I¡¯ll make this quick.¡±


    I nod.


    But even after making that preface, he glances at me warily before speaking, ¡°Can I tell Leonard that you¡¯re a¡­¡±


    His words falter as his eyes catch my expression. I didn¡¯t realize my face could give so much away, but in this moment, the fear coursing through me is unmistakable; cold sweat breaks out across my skin the instant I grasp what Sebastian is asking. I look down at my hands and find that they¡¯re gripping my uniform pants.


    He notices and quickly adds, ¡°I just think that Leonard knowing about it would deter him from harassing us so often! If he accidently blew your cover with his visits, the fallout would look bad on his family. He might just leave you alone.¡±


    And even though the words sound like they belong to a child, I can¡¯t help myself from whispering, ¡°...But you promised.¡±


    He groans, ¡°I¡¯m trying to help! We all have to deal with him, you know?¡±


    My lungs feel tight.


    ¡°I¡­ know what I promised. But I think this is best. If you want¡­ I can give you the book back?¡± he says, looking towards his side of the bed where the book I lent him lays on his nightstand.


    I don''t respond.


    ¡°Camill-¡± he starts again.


    ¡°I can''t stop you anyway¡­ do as you wish,¡± I croak out.


    I stand up without another word, grab my bag, and walk out of the room to start going to homeroom.


    As I leave, I see him bite his thumb as his jade eyes flicker from side-to-side with indecision.


    Halfway through the day, Sebastian passively watches Finn with a gentle smile as his silver-haired friend talks about his riveting detention stories ripe with hijinks involving the correction officer.


    But as a familiar shadow passes his table, he looks up to see Leonard walking to his crew at the back of the cafeteria room.


    ¡°I was sure he was going to start crying or something! Anyway, we¡¯ve got to go out to Caelum City this weekend. I know a guy who sells firecrackers on Dandelion Stree¡­ ugh. Hey are you listening, Sebastian?¡± Finn sighs, prodding his friend¡¯s cheek.


    "Give me a sec, Finn," Sebastian waves absently, getting up and heading toward Leonard without a backward glance.


    Faced with the faux redhead and his gang of friends, Sebastian pauses as he questions his decision. But even so, he clears his throat and says the words anyway.


    "Hey, let''s talk," Sebastian mutters, stuffing his hands in his pants pockets.


    It¡¯s like a million eyes swivel toward him at once and before he can help it, his heart races in protest.


    "You know him?" a boy behind Leonard snickers.


    "No. I don''t know any blonde twits." Leonard retorts, bending down to rub his finger into Sebastian¡¯s forehead. ¡°Do you have something to say, shortstack?¡±


    Sebastian''s eyebrows furrow in aggravation before he looks off to the side.


    Turning around, he mentions indifferently, "Nevermind, I guess. I had something big to tell you about your fianc¨¦, but it never really mattered it seems."


    Leonard suddenly stops and his gang watches the conversation with curious grins.


    ¡°And what would that be?¡± he replies, taking care to keep his tone steady so he doesn¡¯t appear desperate and lose face in front of his friends.


    "I can''t tell you here," Sebastian replies, gesturing to the crowd.


    Drawing in a calming breath, he turns away without waiting for Leonard''s response and walks off toward the cafeteria doors.


    A boy snickers, ¡°Well aren¡¯t you gonna follow him, lover boy?¡±


    Punching his friend and with a loud grumble of reluctance, Leonard walks up behind Sebastian and they both step out of the lunchroom towards the school basement.


    Walking down the grimy stairwell, they find themselves descending deeper into one of the most secluded places in the academy. When they finally reach the bottom, a layer of dust coats the top of their shoes. Leonard turns to face the blonde, dauntingly towering above him.


    "What was that display? Who do you think you are, shortstack?"


    Sebastian retorts instinctively, "5''8 is a normal height, you''re just freakishly tall."


    Leonard rolls up his sleeves, "Ah, so you do want that swirlie?"


    "...I apologize," Sebastian immediately backs down.


    The redhead rubs his temples with growing impatience, "So what''s this all about?"


    "Damien," Sebastian mutters.


    "What about him?"


    ¡°...¡± Sebastian glances at the floor in hesitance.


    ¡°Spit it out! I don¡¯t have all day!¡± Leonard yells, crossing his arm with a scowl.


    "Damien is a girl."


    They both stare at each other in silence for a moment.


    Finally, Leonard finds words to say, "Are you smoking? He has short hair!"


    Sebastian sighs in annoyance, "Girls can cut their hair short, Leonard. Especially since it seems like she¡¯s doing something illegal here, I doubt she¡¯d keep it long. If you don''t want to believe me then that''s fine, but Damien D''Alembert or rather Camille D''Alembert is your bride. So now that you know what she looks like, stop coming to our dorm room. Stop harassing Camille. Stop terrorizing Finn with swirlies. And stop annoying me."


    Leonard¡¯s eyes dart to the ceiling as realization starts to bloom on his face, "Damien¡­ is Camille D''Alembert?"


    Sebastian cringes hearing him speak it without any change in volume, "That''s what I said. But don''t go spreading it around. I don''t know why she''s slinking around here but things could get bad for all of us if the head board found out that we didn¡¯t say something immediately."


    Leonard growls, "I''m not stupid, of course I won''t tell anybody. It would shame my family if they knew my fianc¨¦ was cross-dressing and breaking laws. Even if that is kind of impressive. Hm, so that¡¯s why she didn¡¯t answer my questions¡­"


    Sebastian shifts uncomfortably on his feet, "Okay, yeah well¡­ that''s it. That¡¯s what I had to say. We¡¯ve been down here long enough so let¡¯s get moving before anyone starts asking questions.¡±


    He takes a step toward the stairs, but Leonard¡¯s low, amused chuckle stops him cold.


    "Oh, we¡¯re not done yet, you blonde pipsqueak.¡±


    Sebastian freezes as he feels Leonard¡¯s hand firmly clamp down on his shoulder.


    "What was it you said¡­ ''Stop annoying me,'' or something like that. Who said you could speak to me so matter-of-factly?"


    And just like that his heart pounds harder than ever.

 Chapter 8 - Alone pt.2

    Chapter 8


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Alone pt.2¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 1964


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Novembris 29</h2>


    Lucas hands me an ice pop as we sit in the bleachers watching the baseball boys file in from their respective classes. Training would start in a few minutes and he will soon join them below.


    I lick the grape flavored popsicle quietly.


    Showing off his tongue which has been dyed red, I show off mine which was a deep purple. He grins and I look away. A moment later, he looks towards me again and laughs gently to himself.


    ¡°Now I know why you didn¡¯t want to come to Caelum City every time I asked.¡±


    I nod to myself, reluctant to meet his eyes.


    Every time I showed even a modicum of kindness that could be interpreted by him as an act of reciprocal love, he would smile with such painful sincerity that it shattered me inside.


    ¡°One day, I¡¯ll take you out of this place, Damien. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re tired of seeing only this school every day. You don¡¯t have to worry, I¡¯ll walk beside you in Caelum City so no one will know the truth. You can keep pretending.¡±


    As he speaks I remember my conversation with the sun.


    ¡®There¡¯s no place in this world for me. I have to stay hidden.¡¯


    ¡°We could go to the arcade there and I¡¯ll teach you how to play Pong. It¡¯s really fun,¡± he trails off and looks down to the field where people have gathered.


    ¡°Did you hear back from any of the scouts?¡± I whisper.


    He grins, ¡°I did, actually! I guess you were my good luck charm that night.¡±


    Taking a bite of the last bit on the popsicle stick, he stands up with fervor.


    ¡°I got a lot of offers already. I¡¯m not even a senior yet¡­ I bet Dad is pretty proud.¡±


    Happy for his success, I smile.


    ¡°But, I don¡¯t really care about that.¡±


    He steps down from one bleacher and bends his knees to look me in the eyes since I¡¯ve been looking down our entire conversation.


    I flinch and nervously put more popsicle in my mouth.


    ¡°Hey, Damien¡­¡±


    I watch as a blush appears on his cheeks and he grins.


    ¡°What if¡­ what if I said that I loved you?¡±


    A shock of frost rockets through my veins as I hear the words leave his mouth.


    ¡°How would you react?¡± he laughs.


    ¡®You don¡¯t even know my name, Lucas! Father never said those words to anyone before, not even Damien who once was his favorite person in the world and I bet he never loved Mother. How can you say that so easily? To me of all people?¡¯ Millions of thoughts race through my mind as I stare back at him stunned.


    He glances at the team below to make sure that they were distracted before discretely placing a hand on my cheek.


    ¡°Watch this.¡±


    Those are the only words he says before he suddenly leaves and walks down the bleachers. Purple liquid drips down my hands as I watch him in shock.


    As practice starts, I try to decipher Lucas'' words, my feelings, and look for what he asked me to watch all at once. It¡¯s batting practice. The boys are practicing how many homeruns they can hit in a 30-minute interval. Once one person misses another person rotates to take their place. The same rules would apply to the pitcher if the batter were to hit a homerun.


    I watch as it¡¯s finally Lucas'' turn to bat.


    The first ball is thrown and Lucas easily hits it and sends it flying into the stadium nets. The second ball is thrown with a curve by a new person and he hits it with the same fervor. The boys cheer at the display. Here comes a screwball from Bastien and¡­ there it goes into the nets on the far side of the stadium.


    And that¡¯s how it continues for the next nineteen minutes. Homerun after homerun. Mounting shock after shock. Surely he¡¯d miss now? Surely he¡¯s getting tired?


    But each swing threw those doubts out of everyone¡¯s minds. The coach has taken off his hat watching in disbelief as another ball hits the net from Lucas'' bat. I watch as his sweat pools on the base below and the dark imprint on his bat gets more visible with each hit. But he doesn¡¯t lose that grin on his face.


    The boys behind him waiting for their turn sit on the ground watching in awe. There¡¯s only one more hit until he beats the record for this practice set nearly fifty years ago with a score of 29.


    Before the last ball is thrown he glances at me and smirks before sending the last ball delivered by the coach himself into the net breaking the record at 30.


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    With the victory, the boys tackle him in a display of mania, roaring their approval as the dust settles on their suits. Laughter and screaming filled with joy and fire erupt from their throats.


    I grip the melted stick in my hand.


    ¡®Why¡­ why even now when my first friend just accomplished something amazing, do I feel so-¡¯


    ¡°Damien!¡± Cyrus yells, waving me down from the bleachers.


    ¡°Get down here and celebrate!¡±


    At his call, I quickly grab my bag and hurry down the bleachers.


    As I make it to the fence separating the boys from the crowd area, Lucas is the first one to meet me there.


    ¡°Did¡­¡± he says, breathing heavily. ¡°Did you see that? I¡­ huff ¡­ did that for you. I love-¡±


    The other boys make it from behind and push him into the fence.


    ¡°Damien, did you see that! Luke broke a St. Reggie¡¯s record! No, probably every academy¡¯s homerun record! He¡¯s absolutely insane.¡±


    I manage a grin.


    ¡°It was¡­ great,¡± are the only words I am able to get out.


    But still, Lucas beams.


    The coach retires Lucas early since the rest of the team hadn¡¯t trained since he overtook the base for so long. With his things in hand, he walks past the fence to join me.


    We walk quietly side by side.


    I know what he¡¯s hoping I¡¯ll say, but the words catch in my throat. How could I lie about something so significant, looking him straight in the eye?


    As we walk to the backdoor leading to the dorms, he does a quick glance around before stealing a sudden kiss from me.


    I stare at him in shock as the words leave my mouth without a second thought, ¡°In daylight?¡±


    He chuckles, ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I just couldn¡¯t wait until tomorrow. I won¡¯t do it again.¡±


    Looking down, I bite my lip anxiously as we go open the door and enter the dorms.


    ~


    Lucas sits on top of my desk and looks over as I do my homework as usual, but it¡¯s hard to stay focused as my mind swims with a feud of emotions boiling inside me.


    Finn and Sebastian are uncharacteristically out right now and I can tell by his stare that he wants to risk another moment now that we¡¯re alone. So despite my distraction, I stare at my paper with intense focus so he can¡¯t find an opening to suggest it.


    We¡¯re locked in this stalemate of conflicting interests until finally we hear a knock at the door.


    ¡°Come in!¡± I say, a little too fast.


    And in walks the one other person I didn¡¯t want to see today. With a grin, Leonard walks over to Lucas and I.


    "Baseball kid, leave. I need to have a private conversation with Damien."


    Lucas reluctantly stands up knowing it wasn¡¯t smart to defy this brute in any way.


    "I''ll see you later, Damien!" he tells me brightly before leaving.


    As the door closes behind us, Leonard replaces Lucas'' space on top of my desk. Placing his large hand on my work, he keeps me from using it as an excuse to ignore him.


    Reluctantly, I glance up, and meet his gaze staring sharp and unwavering at me.


    That¡¯s when I know that Sebastian must have told him everything. As he searches my face for answers, I¡¯m willing to bet he¡¯s never been this still in all his life.


    "So¡­ you''re my bride, huh?" he mutters.


    Shock stuns me as he suddenly pulls his fingers through the ends of my hair. The hair on the back of my neck prickles as my body involuntarily locks up like a caught mouse. The pencil between my fingers falls from my hands.


    "I''m not sure why you''re here and I don''t really care. You can do whatever you feel as long as you''re not doing something that will dishonor my family. Your dad was a pretty important guy, so this marriage is a really big deal to them," he continues.


    I don''t respond.


    I''m not sure what I can say that won¡¯t sound impertinent. I can¡¯t keep the same attitude I had as Damien speaking to him anymore. We were never on equal standings before, but now, with my secret exposed? The difference is even more chasmic.


    "Are you going to grow out your hair again?" he asks fiddling with the ends of my strands.


    "...If you would like me to." I mutter, despondent.


    He smirks and it grows into a grin.


    "Yes, I would love you too! Ah, this new version of you is much better!"


    He starts to laugh. It¡¯s a deep sound that comes from the pits of his lungs.


    My gaze fixed on the desk, I move my hand to habitually grip and relax my grip on my pencil over and over.


    "Hey, Camille," he whispers in my ear.


    My blood runs cold hearing my true name spoken aloud for the first time in months.


    "Hey¡­ since we''ll be married in half a year. It''s okay to get a headstart on practice now, right?"


    Suddenly I feel his lips on my neck. Goosebumps erupt on my skin as my eyes widen in shock and my arm shoots up in reflex. Without care, he holds my face towards him with one hand while using his other to hold back my arm. It wasn''t like Lucas'' careful kisses.


    He bites my lip as if he is a vampire trying to sap every last bit of my energy.


    But I let him.


    I let him put his hands under my shirt and over my waist even though it feels like acid on my skin.


    And though it doesn¡¯t go further, the sensation lingers on my body even long after he finally leaves.


    I curl up in bed as Finn and Sebastian enter, chatting, working on homework, complaining, and eventually drifting off to sleep.


    I remain there for hours, frozen in place until night falls, before slowly getting up on tender feet.


    Walking past the sleeping boys, I feel my legs sway beneath me, as though I were nothing more than a fleeting apparition.


    I make my way to the bathroom, turn on the lights, and lock the door.


    Finally, I slump down on the cabinet.


    ¡®Alone,¡¯ I think as I curl up on the white tiled floor.


    The illumination from the ceiling reflects into my eyes as tears stream down my cheeks. Even then, in that cramped house where I had never seen the entirety of the sun or horizon¡­ I was never alone.


    Sitting here on the cold floor now, the hollow ache in my soul grows as it steals the light from my eyes. At least then it didn¡¯t hurt so much just to wake up and realize that I was alive.


    And even though I¡¯m surrounded by more people that I¡¯ve ever seen and will ever see in my life¡­


    I hold my chest with my arms.


    ¡®I still feel so alone¡­¡¯

 Chapter 9 - Bygones

    Chapter 9


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Bygones¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2629


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Decembria 18</h2>


    I watch Finn with uninterested eyes as I bite the end of my pencil.


    He¡¯s fantasizing with Sebastian about his grand plan for his eventual capstone senior year prank, where instead of targeting the principal like usual, he¡¯d turn his sights on the entire student body.


    It¡¯s his favorite topic to ramble on about.


    All three of us sit next to one another in the courtyard stadium that overlooks the baseball field for the annual Hibernal pep rally. It¡¯s a mandatory event where all of the schools¡¯ sports teams come together to advertise to the students and incoming freshmen that are sitting in.


    This year, they¡¯ve added a new twist: each sports team is paired with a random school club for the rally. Last month, they had time to think of a creative way to mix their interests into a presentation to prevent the napping problem this event has a reputation of causing.


    I shift my gaze from Finn to the teams and clubs below and watch them prepare. I can see Lucas speaking with the president of the historical literature club, decked out in the costume he had spent weeks preparing.


    I look back up to see Finn smiling at me.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been quiet lately, Damien! Even more so than you usually are,¡± he teases.


    ¡°And is that what I think it is?¡± he asks, gesturing towards my neck.


    I avert my eyes and move my shirt up to hide the hickey Leonard had given me two days prior.


    ¡°Yeah and you¡¯ve been louder, lately. You¡¯re even more irritating than you usually are. Maybe you¡¯re going for a world record,¡± I mutter.


    Sebastian watches our exchange silently. I pass a glance to him and he looks down, averting his guilty eyes.


    He got what he wanted. At least Leonard stopped bothering him and Finn by focusing all of his attention on me.


    ¡°How cold, Damien-!¡± Finn whines, draping his arms over the blonde.


    ¡°Cold? Try freezing,¡± Sebastian grunts back, gesturing to the frigid air. ¡°They¡¯re forcing us to sit out here like it¡¯s nothing.¡±


    He shivers under his Hibernal jacket, pushing his shoulders up as sniffles plague every sentence that he speaks.


    Finn pouts, ¡°Hey, don¡¯t be like that! We still have to plant the stink bombs in the principal¡¯s personal toilet today and your funks can last so long.¡±


    Sebastian grumbles to himself as he grips his jacket like he¡¯s in a frozen wasteland.


    Before Finn can raise another word of protest, the loudspeakers over the field crackle and people start to finish their conversations.


    ¡°Guys, it¡¯s starting!¡± Finn says and all three of us focus on the field below.


    The first one was an odd pairing, the bowling team walks out on the field with the debate team. The debate club members split into two units and each unit chooses a star player from the sports team.


    From there, the debaters begin to argue over the best way to throw a bowling ball in order to make a strike while the bowling team members demonstrate the techniques live on a plastic mat meant to imitate a bowling lane.


    The argument rages on for a few minutes until the debaters on the left side claim victory as their star player calls out ¡®Pocket!¡¯ and wins the mini-match, effectively ending the show.


    To give the administration credit, although the concept was bizarre, it was a fun spectacle to watch. And watch we do as a plethora of different acts step onto the field.


    The soccer team with the photography club. The track and field players with the fine arts club. The fencing team with the science league. Apparently, the new initiative was a success since the shows were hard not to laugh at.


    And, the baseball team eventually goes.


    The announcer with his megaphone steps onto the field before yelling into his amplifier, ¡°And now performing a short rendition of Romeo and Juliet is St. Reginald¡¯s Academy¡¯s Baseball Team and the Historical Literature Club.¡±


    Dressed as Romeo, Lucas steps up to the plate with his bat. Looking into the audience contemplatively he says, ¡°It is my lady, O, it is my love¡­O, that she knew she were¡­¡±


    Laughter and shouts erupt from the audience.


    He brings his hand dramatically to his chest and turns away as the player on the pitcher''s mound winds up the ball.


    ¡°She speaks, yet she says nothing¡­ What of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it¡­¡± he says, closing his eyes as his hands rests on his temples.


    The ball is thrown, and the crowd is on edge, eyes fixed on Lucas, who still has his back turned. But with a swivel of his heel, he strikes it, and with a resounding crack, the ball soars through the air. The crowd erupts in cheers.


    The team hoists Dorian onto their shoulders mimicking Juliet¡¯s tower while the historical literature club members watch in glee as their vision comes to fruition.


    ¡°I am too bold, ''tis not to me she speaks¡­¡± Lucas continues.


    Dorian, seemingly annoyed to be dressed as Juliet, catches the ball in his mitt.


    ¡°Ah! Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven¡­ Having some business, do entreat her eyes.¡±


    Lucas walks over to the man-made tower and Dorian falls into his arms theatrically.


    ¡°Ay, me¡­¡± Dorian says monotonically.


    ¡°O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being o''er my head, as is a wing¨¨d messenger of heaven!¡± Lucas says, whisking his cape in the air.


    ¡°...Ay, me?¡± Dorian repeats.


    ¡°Pray, fair Juliet, if thou wouldst grant me this favor, wouldst thou, in thy peerless beauty, deign to join the baseball troupe this forthcoming Autumnal?¡±


    ¡°...Yes.¡± Dorian replies.


    ¡°Then, it is done!¡± Lucas thunders.


    Everyone laughs and claps from the stadium seats as all of the team and club members come out to the field to bow.


    As the crowd praises their performance Finn laughs, ¡°Mr. Sunshine has some theater skills, huh?¡±


    The teams walk back to the dugout and I watch them disappear into the shadows until my raven-haired friend is completely gone from sight.


    ¡°Was that the last one?¡± Sebastian asks, teeth chattering.


    ¡°You really can¡¯t handle the cold, can you?¡¯ Finn chuckles.


    But luckily for him, it is the last one. As everyone begins to leave, prospective students flood the sign-up sheets for clubs and sports posted outside the gates.


    And although all the students walk together back to the main building, not everyone will stay there long. It¡¯s the weekend so there will be no class today.


    With the exception of the pep rally, on the weekends most boys in this school go to the closest city to release the pent-up stress of maintaining their GPA over the week. And as usual, I¡¯d be sitting in a near-empty school for the next two days.


    We make it back to Room 315 and immediately retreat to our beds.


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    Sebastian shivers underneath his bed sheets, sniffles still coming after his every movement.


    ¡°Say, it¡¯s not true, Sebby¡­¡± Finn gasps looking at his state.


    ¡°Don¡¯t call me that. But, I¡¯m afraid so¡­ I¡¯m sick.¡± he says, pulling a box of tissues closer to his body. ¡°It¡¯s probably been a long time coming, though.¡±


    ¡°Curse your immune system! Now who¡¯s going to be my lookout, today?¡± Finn whines.


    I can already feel his blue eyes train on me without having to look back.


    And with a sigh, I take my hands off my desk.


    ¡°...Is there anything I can say to get you to leave me out of this?¡± I ask.


    ¡°No, not really. I can be very persistent and annoying when I want to be. I¡¯m going for a world record, remember?¡± he grins as he leans on my shoulders.


    A sigh erupts from my lungs as I drop one of my favorite books from Father¡¯s library.


    ¡°You said something about stink bombs, right?¡± I mutter as I straighten my uniform.


    Finn grins.


    ~


    We walk down the secluded halls together, glass homemade stink bombs rattling in the plastic bag nestled in my arms.


    As he searches for the perfect rooms to set them off in before we reach Principal Ambrose¡¯s office, the mischievous smirk never fades from his face.


    Our loafers squeak on the ground as we walk past empty classrooms. He blows away the hair that often falls over his nose and with that action, I suddenly realize that I¡¯ve never taken the time to truly observe Finn the way that I¡¯ve done with the other boys around me. It takes me aback for a moment.


    Something about Damien¡¯s old frustration with him must have slipped into me somehow because even being around him makes my blood boil though we haven¡¯t had a truly bad encounter.


    I ponder on that feeling quietly and then I look up to truly see the silver-haired boy like I haven¡¯t before.


    He¡¯s taller than me although he looks to be just the same height as Sebastian.


    His blue eyes are more of a gray depending on if you¡¯re looking at him in the sun or not. They remind me of a misty ocean, at least the ones I¡¯ve seen in picture books. Behind them, it¡¯s as if something is hidden in the fog.


    Despite the cloudy feeling they give off, they aren¡¯t hidden in any way. His eyes are wide open, framed by his upturned lids that remind me of a fox¡¯s. His smile is bright and wide, almost like Lucas'', but it¡¯s clear to see that it doesn¡¯t come as naturally as he wants it to seem. It¡¯s almost as though, if you look closely enough, you¡¯ll see the little strings holding it up, ready to fall into a frown if they were loosened.


    His hair isn¡¯t dyed white, I realize. it¡¯s a natural gray-silver, likely a family trait. But overall, I try to peer beneath his heart as we walk side-by-side. Why is he the way he is?


    I wonder about all of these things.


    ¡°I¡¯d say that you¡¯re being quiet, but I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ll insult me again,¡± he teases which breaks me out of my concentration.


    With a newfound empathy, I rub my cheek with embarrassment, ¡°Sorry about saying that.¡±


    He looks at me with a look of slight surprise before pushing my shoulder playfully, ¡°I¡¯m finally breaking a wall!¡±


    Instinctively, I roll my eyes and he laughs as he leans on me.


    But as we move forward, we suddenly hear footsteps coming down from a corner of the West Corridor.


    I feel hands on my arms.


    ¡°I know that sound! It¡¯s the security guard, come on, come on!¡± he whisper-yells, pushing me into the nearest door we could find.


    Shutting the door, darkness envelops us and we settle into the cramped space. Silently we wait for the guard to pass, but instead we hear his steps stop.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got me be kidding me,¡± Finn gapes.


    ¡°Is he stationed right there for the hour?! Did they change rotations? Wow¡­ after I spent all that time stealing the current ones.¡± he mutters, ruffling his hair in frustration.


    Only a sliver of light escapes from under the closet door, so his face is mostly hidden, but his mannerisms are as clear as ever.


    ¡°It seems we have to wait. Ah, why did I let you do this to me¡­¡± I reply wistfully.


    ¡°At least you¡¯re taking this in stride,¡± he mumbles, sarcastically.


    Finn slumps on the cabinets behind him and I realize that we¡¯re in a supply closet.


    Filled to the brim with brooms, mops, and cleaning supplies, but still so small that we had to cross our legs on the ground to have enough room for both of us.


    A few moments pass in silence.


    Even though I can¡¯t see his face, I can feel his eyes focus on me. It was as if he was looking for something.


    And it¡¯s something I¡¯ve felt before.


    ¡°Damien,¡± he says, but there¡¯s a tone behind his voice that causes me to sigh.


    ¡°I would say that, but that¡¯s not your name, is it?¡±


    ¡°When did Sebastian tell you?¡±


    ¡°Not even going to deny it, huh? That¡¯s fun,¡± he laughs.


    ¡°Well, I had a suspicion and I asked him about it around a month and a half ago,¡± he replies.


    ¡°Don¡¯t blame him, I¡¯ve been suspicious since you first came in, it¡¯s kind of hard to not see tiny cracks in your mask when I have seven older sisters. Plus you didn¡¯t hate me nearly as much as the old Damien did.¡±


    I pull my legs closer to my chest and trace my knees despondently.


    ¡°I really did try,¡± I mumble more to myself than to him.


    He¡¯s quiet for a moment before another question leaves his lips.


    ¡°Where¡¯s the actual Damien? I¡¯m sure there aren¡¯t two of you running around.¡±


    I don¡¯t reply.


    Taking the hint, Finn doesn¡¯t press the matter. Instead, he hums softly to himself, thinking of a way to break the ice as he lightly taps on the tile below us.


    ¡°Hey! Why don¡¯t we have a sharing game? We still have like fifty minutes before we can sneak out of here, you know? I won¡¯t ask about Damien, promise.¡±


    I mull it over.


    If my ship is going down, I might as well learn more about Finn in the process. It¡¯ll give me thoughts to chew on while I await my execution in jail.


    I shrug as he struggles to pick up the motion in the dark.


    ¡°I think that was a yes,¡± he whisper-laughs. ¡°Why don¡¯t you go first?¡±


    ¡°Tell me about your family,¡± I ask.


    ¡°Ah, is it because I mentioned my sisters?¡± he chuckles to himself before pondering on how to start his story.


    ¡°Okay, well. I am one of eight children and the youngest in my family. My parents tried for eight years to have a boy and hey, here I am. The golden child. Just not the one they were expecting, I guess.


    They hate how often I get detention and how they have to keep shelling out money to Principal Ambrose to keep me from getting expelled. But that¡¯s their own problem, I don¡¯t care if I get expelled.


    I know that I¡¯m not the strong, masculine, football kid that they wanted but they¡¯re still counting on me to continue the family name by marrying some girl and inheriting the estate eventually.


    I don¡¯t know when, but honestly? With my track record they¡¯re probably planning some girl as we speak¡­¡± he trails off and I watch him curiously.


    ¡°How does that make you fee-?¡±


    ¡°Hey! That¡¯s not how this works. I¡¯ve gotta ask you something now,¡± he snickers.


    ¡°Okay¡­¡± I say. ¡°What¡¯s your question?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­ let me think,¡± he taps his chin quietly for a moment, ¡°Tell me how *you* grew up.¡±


    I shrug my arms, ¡°Well, I had Father and Mother and Damien. They were good. I grew up fine.¡±


    He sighs, shifting his body on the ground, ¡°That¡¯s stuff anyone could know. Tell me something deeper. Something that only you and another soul knows.¡±


    I twist my index finger as I think back to my days in the mansion. My mind flickers from the sun-dappled curtains, to eating on the ground, to Damien''s ghost-like figure in the library, to Father¡¯s charred body, to the funeral, and then finally back to¡­


    ¡°The cellar, ¡± I mumble.


    Finn¡¯s ears perk up as he listens closely.


    I¡¯ve never spoken about my time in the cellar, so I question whether I should even say anything now.


    But Finn knows what I am, and he could easily report me if he wanted to. There¡¯s no way things could get worse.


    So, I choose to tell him.

 Chapter 10 - Bygones pt.2

    Chapter 10


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Bygones pt.2¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 3150


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Decembria 18</h2>


    ¡°One day when I had just turned seven years old, I heard airplanes passing over the house,¡± I begin.


    I hear him shift to face me, listening intently to my words.


    ¡°The sound was scary but also very intriguing. At the time, I had only read about them in picture books so I wanted to see them so badly. When Father and Mother weren¡¯t looking I ran into his study and tried to open the window over his desk.


    I wanted to peek my head out, just for a glance. I told myself it was only through magic that a four hundred-ton machine could fly and I wanted to see that magic. So, I climbed onto his chair, then to the desk, but as I tried to loosen the latch that locked the glass, I came tumbling down and crashed into the desk¡¯s headboard so violently that it cut my forehead.


    I can almost make out a trace of a smile on Finn¡¯s lips, as if he finds my clumsiness familiar. But I don¡¯t smile back.


    ¡°When Father heard the commotion he ran into the room and saw me bleeding onto his important contracts. He was livid and as a child, it was my first time ever seeing him so angry.


    Mother wouldn¡¯t even look at me when I had to explain to them in the living room why I was in his study in the first place and Father¡¯s face just kept¡­ twisting in more anger as I described the window and the airplane.


    At the end of my retelling, I was hoping that they would bandage me up and send me to bed early. But Father dragged me by my arm back to his study. Casting aside a rug, he revealed a hidden floorboard beneath his chair, exposing an array of stairs that descended into darkness.¡±


    My heart starts beating faster. Something inside me was squirming, screaming. I rub my wrists.


    ¡°He led me down and once we reached the cement floor, he grabbed a moldy box that was stuffed in a dusty bookcase. Inside were some novelty handcuffs that his law enforcement friend had given him some years back.


    Then he took my hand, led me to the back of the room, and proceeded to lock me to a hook protruding from the concrete wall. It was so high that I had to stand on my tip-toes so my wrist wouldn¡¯t hurt. I still didn¡¯t understand what was going on until he turned to leave, and said, ¡®time here will set you straight.¡¯


    After he said that, I finally understood what my punishment would be. And I begged him not to leave me there as he started going up the stairs. At this point in my life, I was so scared of everything and the dust and mold of the cellar made it hard to breathe.


    Not to mention that full darkness that would come when he closed the hidden floorboard. I hated the dark. But even though I was crying and screaming, he still¡­¡±


    I let out a shaky breath.


    ¡°...I spent a full day there. Starving rats that had wiggled their way through from the outside before their tunnel collapsed kept nipping at my feet and I had to kick them away as I cried.


    It was hard to stay alert since I was so tired and hungry but if I did fall asleep they¡¯d try to bite my legs again so I kept awake. And eventually, I kicked one so hard that it slid over the pavement and died.


    The other rats that were hidden in the shadows went over to investigate and they just started¡­ eating the dead creature.


    I couldn¡¯t turn away locked in this position on the wall, but I didn¡¯t want to close my eyes in case one of them attacked me again so I just had to¡­ watch as they ripped it apart.¡±


    I hear an audible gasp come from Finn¡¯s mouth which he then tries to cover up with a cough.


    ¡°The next day, around the same time that I first went down, Father came to release me. The dead rat at that point was just meat on the floor. In the kitchen, I got a piece of bread and Mother finally tended to the wound on my forehead although it had stopped bleeding ages ago.


    That¡¯s not to say that she didn¡¯t have more to do since she also ended up applying rubbing alcohol on my raw wrist. But anyway¡­ the whole ordeal wasn¡¯t too bad.


    I wasn¡¯t scared of rats, mice, or house bugs anymore afterwards. And it taught me to respect my place in life. So, it was a good thing that happened. I learned a lot.¡±


    I finish my story. Placing a hand on my chest, I close my eyes to calm my beating heart.


    Finn looks at me with a mixture of pity and disgust written on his face. ¡°How could your own father-¡±


    ¡°Can I ask you a question, now?¡± I interrupt him, squeezing my arm.


    I don¡¯t want to think about it anymore.


    Finn drops the topic with irritation.


    ¡°Sure¡­¡±


    ¡°Why did you bother Damien so much?¡±


    Finn lets out an audible sigh, ¡°Is that what he told you? I barely talked to the guy. Barely even thought about him!¡±


    I ponder back the stories of Damien telling the family the exact opposite of what Finn is saying right now.


    ¡°But you know what he was? Annoying. Always the perfect, poster-child. Oh! Do you need a player for your basketball team? Choose Damien first. Oh! We have the highest literacy score in this grade! Who is it? Damien. Oh! Who is going to solve world hunger, become president, and conquer the universe all without trying? Damien!


    So of course, I needed to bring him down a peg.


    They only take one kid from each private school when filling up St. Reginald¡¯s Academy now, you know? Some middle-class families complained about preferences so they reduced the number so more public school kids could get in. I studied day and night for a full year prior *just* to ace the entrance exam.


    Just so I could beat you-!


    Er¡­ Damien.


    And I did¡­ Serves him right for thinking that he¡¯s better than everyone for just existing.¡±


    I watch Finn as he grumbles to himself, still fueled with fire even though he already bested Damien two years ago. But at least now, I¡¯m face to face with the reason my family had fallen apart.


    I grip my blazer cuff.


    I should be angry.


    But honestly, I¡¯m not sure what to feel.


    Should I hold the silver-haired boy in front of me responsible? Was it really his fault, or Damien¡¯s for thinking he could coast through one of the most important exams of his life?


    I don¡¯t know.


    Calming down, Finn finally finds words to say.


    ¡°It¡¯s my turn right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Are you¡­ in love with Lucas or Leonard?¡±


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean, ¡®pass,¡¯ you just told me your deepest darkest secret but this one is too much?¡±


    Now knowing that Finn knows the truth about me, denying him any further would be improper so reluctantly, I say the truth.


    ¡°...Neither of them.¡±


    ¡°Interesting¡­ Are you in love with anybody?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re breaking your own rules,¡± I chuckle.


    ¡°Ah! You¡¯re right! You caught me.¡±


    We both snicker quietly in the closet.


    ¡°You know what, I think we only have time for one more story. And you told me something personal, so make it a big question for me. I¡¯ll return the favor.¡±


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I gaze at the figure in the shadows curiously. His thin frame, his false grin, his mischievous laugh, those perplexing eyes¡­


    There¡¯s still one question I want answered. A binding one that could tie together these fragmented pieces into a whole that I feel so strongly that he¡¯s hiding away.


    I think my words over for a bit when speaking it aloud.


    ¡°What¡¯s the saddest memory you¡¯ve ever experienced?¡± I ask.


    He looks at me quietly for a moment, caught off guard by my question.


    ¡°Me, huh? Well, I¡¯m sure nothing trumps your experience but¡­ I guess I have one memory that ¡®saddened¡¯ me most. Here¡¯s to being honest.¡± he laughs, his voice hollow and fading quickly.


    But still, Finn doesn¡¯t speak right away, as if still deciding if he wants this story to leave his mouth or not.


    After a long pause, he exhales deeply and begins.


    I sit up, listening intently to his words.


    ¡°My sister¡­ When I was about eight years old, I had the best relationship with my oldest sister, Laoise. She was around sixteen years old at the time, I think. With my dad at work every morning and night and my mom taking care of all of my other sisters, Laoise was left in charge of me most days.


    We¡¯d spend the morning playing little reading games, making meals in the kitchen during the afternoon, telling stories at night¡­ Oh, and she had the best smile! Oh man, Damien, I¡¯m telling you that she could light up the world and change hearts with just that grin!¡±


    I can see him laugh to himself as he recollects his memories and I smile softly.


    ¡°Yeah she was awesome, but I guess my dad hated how much I talked to her. Kept saying that she was going to ¡®change me¡¯ or something stupid like that.


    But no matter what he said, it never kept me from thinking that she was the coolest¡­ Anyway, I wasn¡¯t much different back then than I am now. I still did silly, borderline-idiotic, missions. And at this foolish point in stupid time, the goal was to take my Dad¡¯s St. Reginald¡¯s Academy Rugby trophy. I swear he loved that thing more than all of his daughters combined.


    Midday when everyone was distracted and I snuck in to get it. I didn¡¯t even know why I wanted it. Maybe to show Laoise that she was worth more than artificial gold. But, maybe for no reason at all.


    ¡­You could probably tell how it goes from there.¡±


    I watch Finn closely as the closet shadows reveal his eyes flickering to and from the ground in conflict.


    ¡°I slipped up. Got caught with it under my bed when my mom was cleaning. And Mom holds my feet to the fire as we wait for Dad to get home. When my dad finally shows up and hears the story, he¡¯s furious. He¡¯s yelling. He¡¯s hitting things. Absolutely ready to throw me to the dogs and let them pick the bones clean.


    My heart is beating so fast that I think I¡¯m gonna die. But, here comes my Laoise. And I¡¯m telling you, I¡¯m watching her arrive like she¡¯s an angel. She¡¯s out here spinning this web of lies, telling Dad how she asked me to get it for her so that she could have a better look at it.


    I loved her even more because of it. But at that moment¡­ I should¡¯ve said something. I shouldn¡¯t have let her take the blame¡­ but there I was still holding out hope that we could both get out of this unscathed.


    They let me go. And I¡¯m trying not to laugh as they send me to my room. We could joke about it later when we were together.


    But they didn¡¯t let her go. After I had left, my dad walked to his closet, grabbed a leather belt and¡­ and beat her with it. I ran to the door. I wanted to run out there. And save her like she always saved me. But my feet were frozen to the floor like I was a statue. Just a stupid statue waiting for it to be over. I couldn¡¯t be her hero. It was so hard hearing the sound, but it just kept going, it was¡­¡±


    With the slight light from the door crack, I catch a glimpse of tears slipping down his face.


    ¡°...After that, she wasn¡¯t allowed to take care of me anymore. And my dad set her marriage date that week.


    From then, my second eldest sister was put in charge of me. I only saw moments of Laoise going around the house every few weeks, but they never left me alone long enough to talk to her.


    I could tell that something was different.


    She didn¡¯t smile anymore.


    And this lifestyle went on for a few months before her ¡®big day.¡¯ After the wedding happened and the vows were said, I planned to hug her at the reception before she left with her husband. I wanted to say I was sorry.


    At least, that¡¯s what I thought at the moment. But deep down, what I really wanted to know was if¡­ she resented me. And there was a moment at the reception, when we were finally alone at the refreshment table.


    It was fleeting, so if I had something to say, I¡¯d have to say it now. But seeing her just standing there with a cup in her hand and her back turned¡­ I got cold feet and I ran away.


    And then, she left. After that, we all went home.


    I think¡­ maybe I didn¡¯t ask because I was too afraid to hear her answer. I haven¡¯t seen her since and with the rules in this country, I probably never¡­¡±


    He goes silent for a moment, but I can hear the brush of fabric going over his eyes.


    There¡¯s a quiet stillness, but it¡¯s short-lived as he interrupts it almost right away.


    ¡°Wow! Haha, I didn¡¯t expect us to start saying stuff like this so fast! Whoo¡­¡± he laughs it off.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I say.


    Scooching closer to him, I rest my hand on his shoulder.


    ¡°You¡¯re not defined by your mistakes. You¡¯re good, Finn.¡± I say, pulling words from my heart and Lucas'' book.


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not perfect people and we most likely won¡¯t ever be, but¡­ we can both be better. Better than we were. So, don¡¯t worry. If Laoise is anything like you¡¯ve described her to be, then she¡¯ll love you until her dying day.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°...Thanks.¡±


    I think of what to say next while we sit here in the darkness.


    ¡°Can I ask one more question?¡± I mumble, softly.


    ¡°...Sure,¡± he replies.


    I ask it so quietly that he may not hear it, ¡°Will you tell anyone my secret?¡±


    ¡°No¡­ no I won¡¯t,¡± he says and for the first time since I¡¯ve known him, he sounds sincere. Placing his hand over mine he smiles and says, ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    Suddenly, we hear footsteps finally leave the corner, and in a flash of blinding white I realize that in that moment Finn has opened the door and we¡¯re running through the hallway hand in hand.


    ~


    As we make it back to the dorm, Sebastian greets us with a weak wave of his fingers.


    He pushes through the sickness with a raspy voice, ¡°How did stink bombs go?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely hi-larious, you should have been there!¡±


    Finn goes over to bother him as if nothing in the closet ever happened. So without a word, I retreat to my bed.


    Maybe it was the darkness of the closet that made us open our hearts so fast, maybe now that light has returned that experience will just be a fleeting memory.


    Almost like a dream.


    But also.


    Maybe everything isn¡¯t the same as before.


    The days pass by and Finn, although masking it very well, seems to be different. Only a little bit. There¡¯s a slightly longer lull between his usually lightning-fast quips to Sebastian. He¡¯s sleeping in during the mornings longer than usual. He¡¯s been leaving me out of his list of people to annoy daily.


    But one day, after classes have ended for the day he comes up to me with a grin on his face.


    Sebastian is at his desk working on his Chemistry assignment, tissue box still at the ready, but almost recovered from his sickness.


    I sit up from my bed as he approaches and crouches down to be eye-level with me.


    It had been a slow day, and he had to hold off on pranking the principal, given that Principal Ambrose seemed especially irritable today.


    And of course, that made for an incredibly bored silver-haired boy.


    So that left me on the docket to entertain his actions.


    ¡°You know what I¡¯ve noticed, Damien? Ah, well, whatever your true name is,¡± he says, a mischievous tone behind his voice.


    ¡°What?¡± I reply.


    ¡°You are probably painfully inexperienced when it comes to kissing. Lucky for you, I am an expert at it! I¡¯ve stolen plenty of kisses with some girls from other families. So if you ever need teaching, I could always show you.¡± he says, playfully.


    He waits with a grin for me to say something snarky to continue our ribbing session.


    ¡°Okay,¡± I reply.


    He stares at me slightly confused.


    ¡°Okay?¡± he repeats as if I had spoken the words accidentally.


    ¡°Yeah, if you want to,¡± I say.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ I¡¯m amazing at it?¡±


    I don¡¯t respond back, so not backing down Finn hesitantly moves in closer with furrowed eyebrows as if still doubting my words before stopping an inch before my face in an attempt to give me a moment to deny him and groan at his antics like I usually do.


    I watch as his blue eyes turn back to gray as the shadows of the bed railing obscure the sun coming in through the window. Although substantially brighter, it¡¯s almost like we¡¯re alone, right back in the closet.


    Then he kisses me.


    It¡¯s soft and simple and sweet. But he doesn¡¯t close his eyes and neither do I. We look at each other as we kiss and I gaze into the misty ocean before me.


    Were we more similar than I thought?


    Was there a future with both of us in it than what was predestined for our lives?


    A blush starts to creep onto Finn¡¯s cheeks, his pale skin doing nothing to hide the sudden onslaught of red. He kisses me again in the same manner before I can hear Sebastian drop his pencil in exasperation.


    ¡°Are you guys done yet?¡±


    And the silver-haired boy backs away with a quick smile, ¡°Of course! I hope that was enough to impart some wisdom onto you, Damien.¡±


    I hold back the urge to roll my eyes, and the mood settles back into place.


    But when I searched that gray ocean, I found nothing.


    All that awaited me were endless waves, and that sea belonged to him, not to me.


    Finn went on to say that the kiss was just play and didn¡¯t mean much to him as he laughed it off for the next few hours.


    But his eyes¡­


    His eyes were telling a different story.

 Chapter 11 - Marionette

    Chapter 11


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Marionette¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 1714


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Febrillus 1</h2>


    Six months in.


    Three months until the fa?ade drops. Three months until I¡¯m married. Three months until Father¡¯s soul can rest easy¡­


    Sometimes it feels as though I blink, and the sun has set before I can even register that I opened my eyes.


    ¡®Lucas, Class, Leonard, Homework, Finn, Sleep.¡¯


    Every day blends into the next, an endless loop where the weeks on the calendar blur into meaningless numbers: unchanged and unchanging.


    A moment with Lucas, a session with Leonard, a kiss with Finn. It¡¯s been harder to view them as separate people lately. When I¡¯m with them, it feels like I¡¯m an observer watching my body as I shift from one room to another ready to force a smile, ready to listen to empty words that have no meaning to me, ready to follow the instructions of anyone who asks.


    But, I don¡¯t blame them.


    I know that Lucas only has love in his heart that he¡¯s desperate to give out. I know that Leonard¡¯s only ambition is to grow wealthier and consume, he doesn¡¯t see me. I know that Finn just wants a friend who understands. But with every hand brushing my arm¡­ every kiss grazing my cheek¡­ I feel the word alive slowly unraveling, slipping away.


    The darkness stretches further every day. The sun has stopped speaking to me. Even the nights I spent crying on the bathroom floor have gone.


    There are no more tears left. There¡¯s only the mission and my role.


    My body is now enveloped in eternal night.


    Lying awake in my bed as my peers sleep, I wonder if being numb is better than feeling pain.


    I¡¯m not sure.


    The hurt was bad, but at least it reminded me that I was living.


    Now, it can be hard to remember¡­


    Febrillus 2


    I¡¯m tired today.


    Lucas spent more time than usual with me yesterday morning at the lockers since the morning darkness was longer, Leonard tried out a new kissing ¡°technique¡± that he had read in a dirty magazine which took up the later hour at the dorm, and Finn had dragged me to help him steal pudding cups from the lunchroom even though Sebastian was readily available¡­ but of course it was just an excuse to kiss in the back of the secluded cafeteria.


    The way everything unfolded yesterday has left me weary today. Wandering the morning hallways first to Lucas, then to class, I eventually return to my dorm, releasing a heavy sigh from my lungs.


    The precious moments alone don¡¯t last long as Leonard¡¯s familiar sound knocks on my door. After another hour with the red-head, I look in the mirror and see dark bags forming under my eyes. I prod them gingerly with my fingers as I passively contemplate how to make them go away before giving up.


    Stepping out of the bathroom, I look to see my homework neatly laying on my desk. Pencil by its side and chair open as if inviting me to sit down. I grimace at the table as my heart starts to beat faster and faster.


    ¡®After Homework. Then Finn. Then Sleep. Then Lucas again. Then Class. Then Leonard again. Then Homework. Then Finn-¡¯


    The words ring in my head, running around like a carousel that has lost control.


    ¡®Then Sleep. Then Lucas. Then Class-¡¯


    Sparks fly from the rails. The horses have become a blur. The sky is dizzying. All you can hear is the screaming¡­ screaming¡­ screaming.


    I don¡¯t realize my legs have left the room until I¡¯m halfway down the hallway.


    My body is moving without permission.


    ¡°I have to do my homework,¡± I mutter and look behind my shoulder toward my dorm door. Yet, my legs keep moving forward ignoring my words.


    It seems even my heart has lost control of my will.


    So I walk.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    I don¡¯t know where I¡¯m going. I just move. I move up and down the halls passing boys, walking by teachers, crossing corners by bored stationed security guards.


    I walk and walk and walk until my lungs hurt and I find that my legs have taken me to¡­


    St. Reginald¡¯s Academy¡¯s entrance.


    I look at the pillars that once froze me before its steps so long ago. My knees buckle and I lay on my back on their cool concrete before slumping down on them wearily.


    My leather bag falls on the pavement as the Hibernal wind pinches my skin through my uniform blazer. But I don¡¯t want to go back inside. The thought of the desk just waiting there makes my stomach churn.


    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t this be easy? Aren¡¯t I doing what I¡¯m supposed to do? What you taught me, Father? What this country taught me?¡± I mumble looking up at the sun resting on the horizon as it moves to set.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t I the perfect daughter?¡± I whisper.


    But Father doesn¡¯t respond.


    The country doesn¡¯t respond.


    No one responds.


    I close my eyes and lay on the weathered marble beneath me as if this foundation was the only thing keeping me from floating away.


    Then I hear shuffling beside me.


    I open my eyes and look to my left to see a certain blonde reading a book I had given him half a year ago.


    The edges are fraying despite his attempt to keep it in perfect condition, but I see that they were bound again with glue and tape showing his love and care, albeit messy.


    I blink again and again making sure the figure before me wasn¡¯t just a hallucination.


    He¡¯d developed a habit of vanishing after classes ever since Leonard started showing up in our room more often. I guess this is where he spends his time.


    Looking at him silently, I realize that I haven¡¯t spoken to Sebastian in a full month now. Did I erase his existence from my mind as my schedule became more and more hectic?


    Maybe I did. But maybe he erased himself.


    Either way, here we are.


    Alone.


    Sitting on the steps of St. Reginald¡¯s Academy on opposite sides of the perch.


    I stand up without thinking and for the first time since I met him, I walk over to Sebastian without apprehension. His eyes flicker up to me and with a sigh he removes the strings of his mp3 player from his ears.


    ¡°Hi,¡± I say.


    ¡°Hi,¡± he replies.


    I sit down next to him and he looks away staring off into the distance of the empty courtyard.


    ¡°Why have you been avoiding me?¡± I question, speaking to him more directly than I ever have before.


    His jade eyes meet mine. They flicker from side to side as he studies me before scrunching his face and turning away.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like to look at you,¡± he mutters.


    I tilt my head in curiosity, ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s because you have no self-respect,¡± he says, flatly.


    My body flinches in shock as the words leave his mouth. I¡¯m not sure how I¡¯m supposed to react, but without thought, emotions start bubbling up in my stomach and I find myself blurting out, ¡°I do have self-respect! How could I be doing any of this without self-respect?¡±


    ¡°Everything I do¡­ All the courage and bravery this mission takes? How could I not have dignity!¡±


    I say more than he¡¯s supposed to know, but the words don¡¯t seem to phase Sebastian.


    His face holds a defiant look, ¡°You¡¯re not doing it for yourself though. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re doing it for someone else.¡±


    Fury shoots down my legs and I stand up to speak. My mind races to tell my heart to remain cautious but before I can stop myself, the words explode from my mouth as I scream for the first time in my life, ¡°It¡¯s an honor to serve my parents! And it¡¯s an honor to serve my country! I¡¯m doing what I was born to do!¡±


    He stands up irritated as if infected by my brazenness, ¡°What about this whole spiel happening right now? This isn¡¯t very ¡®girly¡¯ of you!¡±


    I huff, swallowing my pride in indignation, ¡°I¡¯m just calmly telling you my opinion on the matter.¡±


    ¡°Huh? So now you have opinions?¡±


    I stare at him incredulously.


    ¡°Everyday, I see a new guy in our room doing whatever he wants with you and you don¡¯t say a word although it¡¯s painfully obvious that you¡¯re not enjoying any part of it. I don¡¯t see that written into Aurelia-Fields'' Constitution about women. But even if it was, it¡¯s okay for some official things to be wrong!¡±


    The words that come out of his mouth sound like an array of revolutionary dogma. Something that was illegal in this country. But I don¡¯t take the cue to leave. I have to say something. Something that makes all the effort I¡¯m putting in have meaning.


    ¡°But that¡¯s the way it is, Sebastian! This is where we were born and this is how I have to live!¡± I retort, squeezing my hands into tight fists.


    I gasp, pulling my hands to my mouth realizing I said his name so brazenly. He scoffs at my reaction.


    ¡°You¡¯re not a doll, Camille, or an object,¡± he asserts.


    Picking up my hand he matches it with his and says, ¡°You¡¯re a human being. Just like everyone else.¡±


    ¡°Say something if you don¡¯t want something. And if you do want it, then reach for it with all you¡¯ve got. Live life the way you want to and stop letting others tell you what the bottom line is. You choose your own bottom line.¡±


    Before I can respond, he picks up his book and walks back into the school.


    I stand at the base of the staircase gripping my uniform as I watch him walk away. Tears I haven¡¯t cried in months start flowing inhibited down my face. It rushes out from within me like a tidal wave.


    My face turns and I look back at the horizon where the sun is nearly gone as sniffles and messy tears fall from my eyes.


    And I slowly realize that all this time¡­ the sun wasn¡¯t silent.


    It spoke, just very softly, and the wind finally had the traction to carry its voice into my ears.


    ¡®Hope. It¡¯s okay to hope.¡¯


    And I cry even harder.

 Chapter 12 - Blossom

    Chapter 12


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Blossom¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 3911


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Febrillus 3</h2>


    Sebastian stirs from his sleep with an accompanying yawn.


    His brow furrows as his gaze lands on the sequel he¡¯d finished reading the night before. It is now perched oddly on his nightstand though he¡¯s certain he had left it in his mini bookcase.


    Sebastian studies it bizarrely for a moment, sleep still tugging at his thoughts, before finally stretching out to pick it up. Flipping its pages with his fingers, he turns the book to look at its binding and realizes that the spine has been sewn back together, rendering his previous attempts at glue and tape useless.


    No way this was Finn¡¯s work.


    ¡°Hm¡­¡± he murmurs, dropping the book again.


    Moving around on the creaky bed, he looks to his side and finds that Camille is gone. She¡¯s most likely with Lucas who always shows up early every morning to do¡­ whatever it is they do together.


    ¡°I¡¯ll ask her about that later,¡± Sebastian whispers, rubbing his eyes with a yawn.


    Getting up to begin his day at his first period literature class, he slips into the bathroom and changes his clothes all while Finn snores on the bunk bed above his.


    ¡°See you¡­¡± he smiles, tapping his friend''s leg before leaving.


    But as he walks out the door a shadow suddenly materializes outside the frame.


    ¡°Good morning,¡± Camille smiles.


    With a violent flinch he exclaims, ¡°You scared me! Why are you just standing out here?¡±


    She straightens her cuff uncomfortably as she looks down at the floor.


    ¡°...Sorry. I just wanted to know if you wanted to walk to class together. Lucas is busy.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d rather not,¡± he states curtly before briskly walking away.


    But as he moves, he hears footsteps trailing behind him. Turning around, he sees Camille silently standing two feet away.


    Sebastian repeats slowly, ¡°I... said no. In case you didn¡¯t hear me.¡±


    ¡°Yes! Sorry¡­¡±


    He starts moving again and it seems like she¡¯s finally taken the hint. But not before long, Sebastian hears the shuffle of loafers behind him. Turning around, he finds that this time she¡¯s standing six feet away.


    ¡°Am I missing something?¡± he groans, grasping his hair in frustration.


    She doesn¡¯t reply.


    But as they both stand there, eyes dead-locked, Sebastian remembers the other matter on his mind and sighs before approaching her.


    ¡°Hey, I''m just gonna ignore this whole ¡®situation¡¯ and ask you something else¡­ I saw that Sleeping Days was sewn this morning. Was that you?¡± he questions.


    She brightens up hearing that he saw the book.


    ¡°Yes. When you were reading at the entrance yesterday I saw that it needed some mending so I spent half an hour fixing it after you fell asleep for the night.¡±


    ¡°Um, interesting. You could have just asked¡­¡± Sebastian mumbles.


    ¡°Okay, next time then,¡± she replies.


    ¡°...Next time?¡± Sebastian trails off, ¡°Okay, what¡¯s this whole stalking thing about?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t respond.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t say anything, I¡¯m going to see this as harassment and press charges,¡± he warns.


    A small gasp slips out from her mouth, hands waving as her eyes flit frantically trying to find the right words to appease the situation.


    He tries not to laugh at her light panic.


    ¡®She¡¯s so gullible,¡¯ he smiles inwardly.


    After another moment spent nervously fiddling with her sleeve, she finally says, ¡°I just thought¡­ maybe you could talk more about what you said yesterday. You know, about choosing what I want¡­ and everything.¡±


    The smile on Sebastian¡¯s face quickly fades and he swiftly leads her aside to the hallway corner.


    Looking around to make sure they were alone he turns back to her and says, ¡°I mean¡­ I can¡¯t really talk about things like that here. I don¡¯t want anyone to report me for speaking against the government or whatever. Just forget about it. Well, don¡¯t forget about it. But don¡¯t quote it as coming from me.¡±


    She nods and Sebastian lets out a sigh of relief.


    ¡°If you let me walk with you, I won¡¯t report you,¡± she says.


    Sebastian¡¯s head whips around to face her thinking that his ears deceived him.


    ¡°Ar-Are you blackmailing me? Again?¡± he sputters out in shock. ¡°Did you forget that I can tell the administration your secret!¡±


    ¡°Then we¡¯ll both go down.¡±


    She rubs her loafers into the floor tiles.


    ¡°It¡¯s a mutually beneficial deal¡­¡±


    Sebastian groans and wipes his face in exasperation.


    ¡°You. Are. Evil¡­¡±


    Turning from the corner he walks away, pauses, then moves aside, creating room in the narrow hallway. She happily slips into the space, matching his stride.


    They walk to class together as Camille wears a soft smile while Sebastian grouses about her and the universe conspiring against him.


    ~


    But, apparently, their morning walk wasn¡¯t the end of it.


    By the end of the class day, Sebastian can barely get a few steps down the hall before Camille materializes behind him again like a shadow. He flinches when the corners of his eyes notice her trailing.


    ¡°You¡¯ve gotta stop doing that!¡± he groans as he turns around with a shock.


    ¡°How was your day?¡± she asks with a small smile.


    ¡°Good. It was fine,¡± he says, scratching the front of his throat awkwardly. ¡°...How was yours?¡±


    ¡°It was good too,¡± she replies.


    Silence overtakes them.


    With a sigh he breaks the tension, ¡°Is this going to be an everyday thing?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she replies with no hesitation.


    ¡°At least you¡¯re honest,¡± Sebastian chuckles wearily. ¡°Then we gotta find something to talk about.¡±


    Camille taps her chin, thinking as they walk back to the dorm.


    ¡°I really like Eirin from Sleeping Days. I found her character to be very compelling, and Ash? He¡¯s a very great friend to her. In fact, I think-¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ash? Are you joking?¡± Sebastian interrupts her, shocked to hear that belief having left her mouth.


    ¡°What? Ash was a very good mentor for Eirin! How else would she be able to find the Midnight-¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, the Ash that I know is a dirty sewer man that crawled out of a pit and forcibly joined Eirin¡¯s team.¡±


    Camille holds back a snicker, ¡°Sewer man? That was a fa?ade, Sebastian.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ oh no¡­ I see that we desperately need to talk about this.¡± Sebastian wipes his face theatrically. ¡°You see, Ash can go back to the nasty pit that he came from.¡±


    She hides a laugh with her blazer sleeve.


    ¡°He was just a prop used to reinvigorate Eirin at the final stand, nothing more, everything less. Now, Eirin and Liro? That right there is a real team member,¡± Sebastian continues.


    ¡°So you hate Ash, but love Liro? Now that is a fallacy!¡± Camille proclaims.


    Sebastian stares at her, taken aback for a moment before a grin grows on his face, ¡°Oh? How so?¡±


    The two walk down the hallway debating heatedly as onlookers glance by.


    Febrillus 6


    What started as a single morning walk, filling in for Lucas'' supposed absence that first day, soon became a routine that stretched into many mornings and afternoons.


    For the past three days, Camille¡¯s even started eating lunch with Sebastian and Finn at the back cafeteria tables when she usually ate with Lucas at the baseball team¡¯s table.


    They would talk or even argue about everything from the science of clouds to the academy¡¯s worst professors, breaking news from Aurelia-Fields, and of course, the most common contender, Sleeping Days.


    Sebastian¡¯s not sure when it stopped feeling like a hostage situation that he was forced to be in and more like he was talking to a friend. He watches her while she prattles on about her disdain for Calculus while Finn splays his arms on the table like he¡¯d rather be dead than contribute to the conversation.


    Being an only child, most of the time Sebastian only spoke with his mother and even that was sparse. But now he¡¯s found more kinship in a cross-dressing girl than all of his friends combined. This, of course, he would never tell Finn and risk a tantrum filled with pouts and silence.


    But surprisingly, he¡¯s become used to turning the corner after classes had ended and seeing her there. And he felt that she very possibly felt comfortable talking with him too.


    ¡°Hey¡­¡± A voice snaps Sebastian out of his thoughts.


    He looks up from his tray to see Lucas standing in front of him. The baseball player¡¯s eyes trail towards Camille who suddenly, as silent as a rock, is training her gaze on her pager.


    ¡°...Hi,¡± Sebastian replies carefully.


    They had never spoken directly to one another so the awkward tension was beyond palpable.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    ¡°Yeah, um, could I talk to you outside for a bit. It¡¯ll just be a moment.¡± he says looking to his side and scratching his head.


    Sebastian stands up with a heave and follows as Lucas leads him outside the main cafeteria doors to the secluded hallways. Mr. Sunshine then leans on the wall and crosses his arms with a conflicted expression on his face.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± Sebastian asks, his voice cautious.


    The last time he talked alone with a tall guy it ended with his head forced into a toilet.


    ¡°Sorry to pull you out man, I just wanted to ask¡­ do you know what¡¯s been going on with Damien?¡± he mumbles, picking his face and looking to the side as his cheeks glow red in slight embarrassment.


    Sebastian tilts his head with a sigh. Lately, everything in his life has seemingly been looping back to Camille.


    ¡°What about him?¡± he replies passively.


    ¡°Well, she- he¡¯s¡­ been acting weird lately. He hasn¡¯t been eating at our table anymore. And yesterday for the first time ever, he told me that he didn¡¯t want to walk with me early in the morning anymore. Well, he wasn¡¯t so direct in saying it but it was pretty obvious by his tone what he was implying.¡±


    ¡®Ah¡­ well, good for her,¡¯ Sebastian thinks over disinterestedly.


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen that he¡¯s been hanging out more with you lately, so I wanted to ask. Like¡­ just tell me if it¡¯s true.¡± He pauses and looks around for a moment before whispering, ¡°Are you guys hooking up?¡±


    Sebastian stares at him in disbelief.


    ¡°Hooking¡­¡± He can barely get the words out of his mouth. ¡°No! I¡¯m not! And neither is Damien. We¡¯re just friends.¡±


    Lucas watches Sebastian as if somewhat skeptical but eventually sighs saying, ¡°Okay, well¡­ if you see him, ask him.¡±


    Sebastian watches the baseball player walk away, still in utter shock at the question he just received.


    ¡®Camille displays some agency for once in her life, so she has to be hooking up with another guy? Come on,¡¯ he rolls his eyes inwardly before looking back at the cafeteria.


    As if on cue, Camille comes trotting up to him from the left hallway slightly out of breath.


    ¡°Where were you?¡± he questions.


    ¡°Finn¡­ wanted to¡­ spray paint¡­ the bathrooms. We had to split and¡­ run¡­ from the security guards,¡± she wheezes.


    ¡°You¡¯re really becoming a delinquent, huh?¡± Sebastian jokes which she huffs at.


    ¡°Not by choice,¡± she mutters.


    He smirks seeing her speak so freely in a way she hadn¡¯t just a week prior. Having her beside him, he thinks about fulfilling Lucas'' wish and asking her about why she¡¯s started avoiding him. But seeing her look up at him curiously, he decides against it.


    ¡°What?¡± she smiles.


    ¡°Nothing,¡± Sebastian shoves his hands in his pockets. ¡°Just thinking about Eirin and Ash.¡±


    ¡°Have I changed your mind about the two of them?¡±


    ¡°...Not yet. I¡¯m just open to it,¡± he scoffs.


    She lightly bumps him in a tap soft enough to be seen as accidental, but knowing her it was her best attempt at a friendly push.


    He smiles and pushes her back.


    Febrillus 11


    Eight days into this new normal, Sebastian walks to the school entrance with his book and mp3 player. It¡¯s usually around this time that Leonard comes to their room to see Camille.


    He hates seeing him there.


    But, walking through the halls, he finds that he would have no such pleasure in avoiding the meathead today.


    ¡°Shortstack,¡± he hears his dreadful nickname erupt from a darkened corner.


    For a moment, the idea of fleeing crosses Sebastian¡¯s thoughts. But he quickly pushes it aside, knowing the consequences of not facing Leonard now would be far worse for him later. He slowly approaches the corner.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± Sebastian asks warily.


    Leonard towers over him as usual making Sebastian doubt once again that he¡¯s only a senior at this academy.


    But there¡¯s a different air around the red-head today that makes him feel off. He looks meeker, slightly embarrassed, despite the tough front he¡¯s putting up right now.


    ¡°Camille is acting differently,¡± he says.


    Sebastian glances around in exasperation as he checks for any onlookers since Leonard can''t whisper for the life of him.


    ¡°Today when I came to your room after classes ended I saw that the door was locked. No matter how loud I knocked, she wouldn¡¯t open up and a stationed guard had to come and bark at me. And I¡¯m not an impatient guy, I can wait until we¡¯re married. But still, it was sudden. Your advice worked well last time, so do you know why Camille is acting like this?¡±


    Sebastian grimaces hearing about his past ¡®advice.¡¯


    ¡°Sorry, man. I have no clue. We don¡¯t talk about much other than books, I¡¯m afraid.¡± Sebastian replies.


    Leonard¡¯s eyes bore into his and Sebastian can almost feel the spiders crawling up his spine. Despite being a brute, he was surprisingly perceptive. And just from this stifling energy, Sebastian knew that Leonard would be able to tell if he was being truthful or not. The intense stare lasts for what feels like an eternity before Leonard steps back with a resigned sigh.


    ¡°Whatever, she¡¯ll be back to normal by our wedding day anyway,¡± he sighs, walking down the hall away from Sebastian with a dismissive wave.


    Placing a hand on his chest, Sebastian lets out a shaky breath, ¡®Survived him, once again.¡¯


    He moves faster towards the entrance of the school, opening the door to the second-most secluded place on campus. Waiting out there is Camille, this time in a Hibernal jacket.


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­ here,¡± he mutters.


    ¡°And you¡¯re late,¡± she teases him like he did to her.


    ¡°Yeah, well, I didn¡¯t know someone was out here waiting for me,¡± he smiles as he sits down on the porch.


    ¡°I was held up by Leonard. He said the door to the room was locked. But I guess you were never in there in the first place, huh?¡± he questions.


    She fiddles with her pencil with no reply.


    Sebastian¡¯s eyes wander to the ground.


    The both of them sit for a moment in silence.


    ¡°Listen, I¡­¡±


    Pausing, he stands up to move closer to the other side of the porch where she¡¯s sitting.


    ¡°I¡¯m really sorry for telling Leonard your secret. I was annoyed, sure, but I really thought that him knowing about it would make him avoid you. I was wrong and put you in an even worse situation than before. I¡­ I¡¯m really sorry.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t say any words of forgiveness, but she hands him her notebook signaling an olive branch.


    Smiling at her, Sebastian thumbs it open and reads the first line underlined and bolded, ¡°Eirin and Ash: A Dissertation.¡±


    ¡°You did¡­¡± he laughs. ¡°Extra homework to prove to me that they have a good friendship, huh?¡±


    ¡°I thought it¡¯d be the only way to convince you. You like written words more than spoken ones after all,¡± she says, fiddling with her collar sheepishly.


    ¡°I do. You¡¯re right about that. But I don¡¯t know if sewer man and the literal heroine of the dreamworld are on equal par.¡±


    ¡°Read it then tell me if you change your mind!¡± she grins, and Sebastian is amazed for a moment watching her smile so wide for the first time.


    ¡°Well, I guess I have to give it a try,¡± he laughs.


    Without a reluctant thought, he cleans his earbuds and hands one to her so they can listen to music together as they read. The two sit on the marble stairs in the frosty air watching pages flip.


    Febrillus 17


    Before he knew it two weeks had passed and Vernal was on the horizon. The first flower would soon blossom on the cherry tree¡¯s branches that rapped outside the window of his literature class.


    But, Sebastian wasn¡¯t at ease today. Something about the law of threes was bugging him and although he was walking passively down the hallway as he normally does, he can¡¯t shake the feeling that he¡¯s being watched.


    ¡®Is it Camille again? But wouldn¡¯t she have said something by now?¡¯


    As his Calculus class comes into view, he picks up his pace. But just as he rounds a corner, a hand snatches his sleeve, yanking him into a nearby supply closet.


    ¡°Finn. I will kill yo-¡± he grumbles but as the light turns on he notices that there¡¯s more than just Finn in this supply closet.


    Lucas and Leonard also stand there huddled under the low ceiling. Lucas looks away crossing his arms with an embarrassed look as Leonard glares at Sebastian as if he was aiming to murder him.


    ¡°Um¡­ it seems that the gang''s all here,¡± he mutters, pressing his back on the closet door. ¡°So what is this? A secret society?¡±


    ¡°Ah, so he¡¯s got jokes. Let me fix that,¡± Leonard balls his fist.


    Lucas places an arm in front of Leonard''s chest holding him back, ¡°You¡¯re dating Damien, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Sebastian flinches at his words, ¡°Dating?¡±


    Finn sighs as he begins his explanation, ¡°For the past two weeks, Damien¡¯s been acting weird. She¡¯s been following you around like a puppy and has been ignoring me even more than she usually does.¡±


    ¡°So, what¡¯s your deal, pipsqueak? I can¡¯t have my wife fawning over some scrawny guy,¡± Leonard growls.


    Every insecure statement hits him like a bullet.


    ¡°Are¡­ Are you all out of your minds? Why would I, in my right mind, date Damien?¡± Sebastian pushes back with a scowl. ¡°You''ve all been pestering him from the moment he set foot in this school. We share a few conversations and now I¡¯m part of this loony harem? Count me out.¡±


    He folds his arms, ¡°We¡¯re just friends, if even that.¡±


    Without listening to another rebuttal, he steps out of the closet. Straightening his uniform with a frown, he walks into class.


    ¡®They¡¯re all hormonal lunatics trying to induct me into their demented squad,¡¯ he grumbles in his mind. ¡®I don¡¯t know how anyone could misconstrue an average friendship so easily.¡¯


    ~


    That night after class, Sebastian walks into an empty room and jumps on top of his covers before letting out an enormous sigh.


    Finn¡¯s not here.


    He¡¯s probably serving night detention or something. But even without the guys constantly bothering him, it¡¯s been an exhausting day, so he opts to do his homework in the morning.


    Sebastian curls up to the side of the bed and takes out his nightlight to read the sequel that Camille had offered him.


    Reading the first line for the hundredth time, he hears the door creak open and passing a glance to his side, he sees Camille walk in. Although she¡¯s moving towards her bed, her eyes perk up when she sees the book in his hands.


    ¡°Ah, are you checking if I¡¯m right?¡± she questions.


    ¡°Well, you quoted a passage in your dissertation to support a point that is pretty hard to believe so of course I have to check for myself,¡± he replies.


    ¡°Can I hear you read it out loud?¡± she questions.


    He looks over to her for a second as she approaches his side of the room, ¡°Yeah, sure¡­¡±


    But she doesn¡¯t crouch at the edge of the bed. Instead she climbs on top of the covers next to him to see the words on the page. Sebastian registers the action, but chalks it up to her not understanding social cues. She probably just wants to read along as well.


    Sebastian starts, ¡°Eirin sinks to her knees on the forest floor. The Sun Staff lay shattered in pieces on the floor. This was supposed to save her kingdom, it was supposed to save the entire dreamworld. But without it now, she was nothing.¡±


    ¡°Liro was out on the lake, he needed the space to voice his frustrations. And Mira was most likely sniffling somewhere among the trees. All that was left was her and fragments of her country''s broken dreams.¡±


    ¡°But maybe it wasn¡¯t her alone left in this clearing of the forest. She feels a hand on her back and turns to see Ash smiling at her. He kneels down and holds her close saying, ¡®We can¡¯t give up yet, Eir. ¡¯ She wraps her arms around his back, shaking as she cries. ¡®We can¡¯t give up. Not until we drop dead. So get up, we need another one of your beautifully-crafted plans.¡¯¡±


    Sebastian scoffs with a smile, ¡°See, that¡¯s what I told you! He¡¯s just a prop to get her to the final act. Your whole theory that they might be-¡±


    ¡°Wait, keep reading,¡± Camille says softly.


    Sebastian sighs to himself before finishing off the passage, ¡°They speak alone for a while. The winds obscuring their voices. But afterwards, Eirin gets up, grabs parchment paper from her bag, and she writes. She writes the plan of her life, her capstone, the blueprint that will save all of Elderia.¡±


    As his eyes scan the next line, they widen, ¡°And as she calls Liro and Mira over to hear her plan, the sun¡¯s rays pass down on her, the glint of an Eldirian ring on her finger-¡±


    He stares at the words in disbelief.


    ¡°An Eldirian ring? So, in that hidden scene Ash¡­ proposed? How did I miss that?¡±


    Camille smiles, ¡°I believe that before the author died, he was going to close the series out as a trilogy with one more book detailing the future lives of the team along with Ash and Eirin¡¯s child. Remember how she went on in the second chapter of the first book about how she loves the name Riko?¡±


    ¡°And when she used the Midnight Stone, Ash''s face came up before the staff - argh how could I have been so blind!¡± he adds on.


    Sebastian¡¯s eyes pass by as he violently flips through the pages, ¡°The author¡¯s been setting it up since the very beginning. Your theory was right. They are lovers.¡±


    He starts reading the passage out loud again, ¡°¡®I have a plan, you all! A plan to save the dreamworld¡­¡± but he trails off feeling a gaze no longer focused on the book.


    He turns to the side and sees Camille staring at him. He stops reading, not sure what to say, and the two look at each other in silence for a moment.


    Thoughts run through his mind as he tries to think of something sarcastic to break the ice, but Camille breaks it for him.


    Before he realizes she¡¯s moved, her lips on his. She kisses him softly once and then again before moving back.


    Burning red, the book slips from Sebastian¡¯s fingers and drops on his chest.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡­¡± he stammers.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± she says with a warm smile, then she stands up from the bed and walks out the door.

 Chapter 13 - Us

    Chapter 13


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Us¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2743


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Febrillus 20</h2>


    After an exhausting exam, I walk into my dorm room feeling completely spent.


    But as I step in, Sebastian wastes no time standing up and walking out. Sitting down on my bed, I wistfully watch the door close behind him and Finn shifts on his bed watching the scene as well before turning towards me.


    ¡°What¡¯s his problem? He¡¯s been doing this emo act for three days now,¡± he mumbles, chewing his pencil as he stares at his Statistics homework.


    ¡°Something is probably on his mind,¡± I mutter dejectedly as I climb further into my bed.


    He looks away from his work and sends me a peculiar look, ¡°Are you sleeping? At three pm?¡±


    I feel more agitated than usual at his nosy questions and pull my sheets over my head.


    ¡°Damien~¡± he sings and I hear him coming down from his bunk to bother me.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you have somewhere to be?¡± I shoot back more snappily than I intended.


    Instant embarrassment floods me as I start piecing together an apology in my head, but thankfully, he doesn¡¯t notice the subtle shift in my tone and takes my remark to be genuine.


    ¡°Hey, you¡¯re right! Thanks for the reminder. I actually have to sit before the school council in fifteen minutes to plead my case on why I should stay at this school. I guess my dad was late on sending the bribe this month.¡±


    He jumps down from his bed before stretching out his back, happy to leave his homework in the dust.


    ¡°Good luck,¡± I say, more to soothe my own guilt for my rudeness.


    He smiles and twists the front part of his hair as a slight red blush peeks through his skin.


    ¡°Thank you¡­¡±


    From there, he dashes out of the room.


    I watch the wall in front of me as I pull my covers even further over my body. At this rate I may just become a snail altogether.


    ¡®Did I frighten him when I kissed him? Or does he just not like me? Isn¡¯t that how you express your feelings? Ah, I¡¯m so confused.¡¯


    Three days ago, I kissed Sebastian. But that¡¯s not when all these thoughts started. For the past two weeks, I haven¡¯t been able to get him or his speech out of my mind.


    I bite my thumb in recollection.


    It feels incredibly taboo to even reflect on his words. And yet they dance around my thoughts, circling endlessly like a bonfire that has no plans of dying.


    He told me that I was a human being just like him. And though I knew that his words had no backing and that everyone else in my life has said the exact opposite, something about them felt so¡­ sweet. It immediately made me feel sick afterwards as if butterflies dripped in honey were thrashing around in my heart.


    ¡®I want his words to be true.¡¯


    I frighten myself with how easily my feelings slip into my conscious thought and I hold my arms closer to my chest.


    ¡®This is something I would never speak aloud, something I barely let myself feel as a child. It¡¯s a thought that should¡¯ve withered away, crushed by my time in the cellar. And yet¡­ I think it¡¯s real. This longing, this quiet hope¡­ what if I want to stay outside forever? What if I don¡¯t want to become hidden, no, a prisoner, in another mansion. And what if I want to¡­¡¯


    Pulling the sheets down, I glance over at Sebastian¡¯s empty bed.


    My head starts swimming with thoughts of his laugh, snarky comments, and fascinating ideas.


    A blush rises to my face as I think about us walking together after class, the nudge I gave him in the hall which he reciprocated, his apology which felt more sincere than any words that anybody¡¯s told me in the past year¡­


    ¡®This must be what Juliet really felt when looking at Romeo,¡¯ I think.


    ¡®And this must be what I was searching for when Lucas first kissed me back in Septembris. But, it wasn¡¯t with him. It was with-¡¯


    Suddenly, I sit up from my bed. Looking at my hands, I feel a burst of confidence building up heat in my body.


    ¡®And-! And if it¡¯s true! I can¡¯t let this feeling pass by so easily. I¡¯m not Camille anymore, nor am I Damien. This new creation that I am¡­ I can do something that neither of them would dare try. And I should tell him what¡¯s on my mind!¡¯


    Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, I stand up and grab my bag.


    ¡®But where is he?¡¯


    I step outside the room and speed walk to St. Reginald¡¯s entrance first. Another empty weekend lets me sprint down the hallway without catching any eyes, though I¡¯m careful to slow down around corners so as to not come face-to-face with a guard.


    A trick Finn taught me.


    Breathing heavily once I finally arrive there, I let out a happy puff, but when I open the heavy doors I find that he¡¯s not sitting on the perch like he usually does.


    ¡®He¡¯s probably avoiding me. Where else could he be?¡¯


    I bite my lip as I try not to let my frustration lead me back into complacency.


    Turning from the carved doors, I go back inside and look towards the hallway that leads to the cafeteria. I know that he sometimes likes to stay there when it is raining outside¡­ even though it¡¯s blue skies today. I walk in that direction as I keep my eyes open for any wisp of blonde, but opening those doors, I find that he isn¡¯t in the cafeteria either. The room instead is filled with clumps of leftover rowdy students that are using it as a lounging spot.


    With a sigh I leave the room and run up the stairs to the third floor. A view catches my gaze and I glance out the stairwell window. From this position, I can see the baseball team practicing under the overhanging sun. Leaning my cheek on my hands, I take the moment to relax and catch my breath.


    It¡¯s the part of practice where they run laps on the track and they¡¯ll continue until the Track & Field team arrives to take over. It¡¯s a routine burned into my mind.


    Lucas'' probably sad that I¡¯m not there.


    Moving forward, I lean against the glass to peer down but I quickly pull myself back realizing that I caught myself falling into the bad habit of searching for the raven-haired boy. A pang of sadness tightens in my chest when I think of his forlorn look back then in the cafeteria, but I shake it off and step away from the window as I refocus on my goal.


    I wander the floors endlessly until, at last, I catch a glimpse of blonde hair, barely visible beneath the shadow of a balcony as it frames a familiar figure.


    I let out an exhale of joy and run down the stairs to open the courtyard exit. Slowly pushing the steel door open, I look through and finally find Sebastian sitting at the back of the school. His legs are crossed under a tree in the hidden area that Lucas used to take me to look at the sunrises. Eyes lifting from a book, but not the one I gave him, he focuses his gaze on me.


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    I want to run my script over again in my head. But seeing him there, his jade eyes looking at me in cold indifference, my knees feel weak and I can feel myself losing pounds of conviction by the second.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± he says emotionlessly.


    Suddenly, I¡¯m not sure what I want and stand there as he stares at me in silence.


    ¡°I-¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d rather be alone right now,¡± he cuts me off.


    I scrunch up my fists, ¡®Say something! Say anything!¡¯


    But I don¡¯t know how to salvage the situation, or what words I can use that¡¯ll make everything okay again. And even so, under that gaze I feel the urge to be honest. So I just open my mouth, and let whatever comes fall out of it.


    ¡°Can we talk?¡± I manage to say.


    He closes his book and looks to the ground as he scrunches up his nose.


    ¡°Please, I¡­ I just want to understand,¡± I go on as I slowly approach him from the door.


    He stands up and looks at me with a callous gaze, ¡°Sure, why not? Let me go first, then.¡±


    ¡°I thought we were getting along. But apparently to you, it was just a ploy to get me to join your ever-increasing gang of boyfriends, huh?¡±


    I¡¯m shocked by his harsh tone and back up, ¡°No¡­ I¡­¡±


    ¡°So what¡¯s the reason, Camille?¡± he yells, getting closer.


    I flinch hearing him say my true name so loudly. It¡¯s only by luck that the day I decide to confront him, the back of the school is empty. And yet, it didn¡¯t seem as if he would have said any differently if the leader of Aurelia-Fields was standing before us right now.


    ¡°Were you scared I was going to tell somebody your secret so you felt the need to become a toy for me too? Because I¡¯m not like them. And I can¡¯t believe you thought so low of me.¡±


    Tears start welling up in my eyes, ¡°No¡­ I just¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know what I expected from you. I¡¯m not sure who I thought you were. But whatever I thought, it was obviously wrong because of how stupidly I walked into your plan. I¡¯m sure I looked like a fool telling the others that you were only my friend.¡±


    ¡°Sebastian¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡± he says apathetically.


    ¡°I just like you¡­¡±


    My fingers tighten on the fabric of my blazer and I hide my face with my arm as soft tears trickle down to my chin. As if struck by my sudden breakdown, his sharp demeanor suddenly evaporates.


    ¡°Hey! Hey, don¡¯t cry. I¡­¡± Sebastian says worriedly as he approaches me. He sighs, ¡°It wasn¡¯t my intention to make you cry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry if I made you feel like I was manipulating you¡­¡± I croak, wiping my face again and again, but tears keep flowing.


    He raises his arms, not sure what to make of my actions but after a rapid moment of thought he finally says, ¡°I think¡­ we both may be misunderstanding each other. Let¡¯s talk, okay. Really talk. So don¡¯t cry anymore, okay?¡±


    I nod but even then my tears won¡¯t stop falling. Inwardly, I curse my body for refusing to listen to me anymore and I watch helplessly as he looks at me hesitantly, not sure what to do or say. After watching him debate himself at lightning speed, I finally feel a new sensation. Gentle hands touch my back as Sebastian moves closer to me than I¡¯ve ever been to him before.


    He settled on pulling me into a hug.


    At first, it feels almost foreign, like my body doesn¡¯t quite know how to react, and then the realization hits: I¡¯ve never been hugged before. His warmth surrounds me, steady, as though trying to absorb the distance I¡¯ve held between myself and the world for so long.


    And it¡¯s not too tight, nor too firm, it¡¯s just the right amount of pressure. His uniform jacket spills softly over my nose, the scent of him filling the space between us, and for a moment, it¡¯s like everything else falls away.


    Without having to think about it, I close my eyes and hug him back as I wait for my tears to dry.


    ~


    We walk around the pavilion as shouts of the sports team in the distance fill the silence between us.


    The sun¡¯s rays reflect off our jackets, but Sebastian¡¯s hair stands out, now tinged with a vivid orange hue as though it¡¯s been kissed by the setting sun itself.


    I glance at him periodically as his analytical eyes look back and forth trying to make sense of everything that¡¯s happened between us. I¡¯ve never wanted so badly to be able to read his mind. I find myself reminiscent of those first early mornings with an uncharacteristically quiet Lucas when he realized that I was a girl.


    After nearly ten minutes of silent walking, he finally mumbles, ¡°Can I ask why you kissed me?¡±


    I look up to see a faint tint of pink on his face mixed with distrust as Sebastian looks towards the institution. He finds it hard to look directly at me, instead choosing to observe every other area that doesn¡¯t contain me in his field of vision.


    ¡°I already told you¡­¡± I reply looking at the ground as I feel my face warm in embarrassment.


    ¡°That¡¯s hard to believe,¡± he challenges. ¡°We only spoke, really spoke, for a little over fifteen days.¡±


    I feel nostalgic flashbacks to our first meeting when he didn¡¯t believe that I had the sequel to his favorite book.


    ¡°It¡¯s true. No matter how intense your doubt.¡±


    ¡°But, you can¡¯t just go around kissing people!¡± he exasperatedly wipes his face with his hands.


    I don¡¯t understand his point.


    ¡°But, I didn¡¯t kiss people. I kissed you,¡± I retort.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s just¡­ that¡¯s not how you tell someone that you¡­ like them,¡± he draws out as if he still doesn¡¯t believe the words himself.


    ¡°But you told me that if I want something, then I should just take it,¡± I reply.


    ¡°But not from other people! You can¡¯t just kiss someone without asking first,¡± he argues.


    I wearily sigh as I cross my arms.


    ¡°You¡¯re so confusing, Sebastian¡­ First you tell me that I¡¯m allowed to choose whatever I want and then you tell me there are rules again.¡±


    ¡°I mean.. yeah, you can choose what you want. You should! But you have to have consent first if it involves someone else. That is, I have to want what you want too.¡±


    The parts finally start to click my head and I look up at him.


    ¡°I see¡­ well did you want it?¡±


    ¡°Did I want¡­?¡± Sebastian clears his throat, ¡°Anyway¡­¡±


    He stops moving and I stop as well. Sebastian then turns to look at me. Truly look at me in the eyes. I fight the anxious reflex to look down.


    ¡°I guess it all boils down to one question then,¡± he begins. ¡°What do you want from me, Camille?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I start, twisting my fingers. But taking a deep breath, I let them go and let my arms fall to my side.


    ¡°I really don¡¯t know.¡±


    He sighs.


    ¡°Well, I think I kind of get what this is all about now. And you told me how you feel, so that was the first thing to consider. I guess the only thing that¡¯s left now is¡­ how I feel.¡±


    ¡°So how do you feel?¡± I mumble.


    His gaze drifts toward the treeline, a faint exhaustion in his eyes before he looks back at me.


    ¡°I¡­ also don¡¯t know,¡± he admits.


    It¡¯s quiet between us for a moment.


    ¡°We could¡­¡± I begin. ¡°Not know, together?¡±


    I look towards him with a small smile.


    He chuckles, ¡°That¡¯s certainly a thought.¡±


    ¡°So, is that a yes?¡± I say a little more quicker than I intended.


    Sebastian blushes deeper, ¡°U-um, well.¡±


    He rubs the back of his head before looking at the ground again, ¡°I guess I don¡¯t mind¡­ not knowing¡­ with you¡­¡±


    My heart soars within my chest.


    I try to hide my grin, but he catches it and quickly adds, ¡°Hey, hey, don¡¯t look so pleased about this. You¡¯ve threatened me multiple times, that¡¯s not how you start a relationship.¡±


    ¡°So, it¡¯s a relationship?¡± I giggle.


    If possible, his blush grows brighter. ¡°Just a friendly one! A friendly, not knowing, pair of friends¡­¡± he trails off.


    I cover my mouth, stifling a laugh, but he groans and bolts away from me. In surprise, I chase after him, bumping his shoulder when he slows to let me catch up. We continue walking together as our laughter fades and the courtyard drifts to a hush.


    ¡°Sebastian?¡± I say, watching the sun begin to fall.


    ¡°Yes, Camille?¡± he replies quietly.


    ¡°May I hold your hand?¡±


    ¡°...Yeah, sure.¡±


    So I hold his hand, palm in palm, hidden by our bodies so no onlookers would be able to see. It¡¯s warm¡­ just like his hug was.


    ¡°Sebastian?¡± I ask quietly.


    ¡°Yes, Camille?¡± he replies.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°No problem.¡±

 Chapter 14 - Elsewhere

    Chapter 14


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Elsewhere¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 2888


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Martius 15</h2>


    My eyes wander aimlessly around the dorm room as I push Sebastian¡¯s pillow under my chin.


    Next to me, my blonde companion lounges on his bedsheets. His lamplight casts a warm glow over an aged copy of Shakespeare¡¯s King Lear as we work together to decipher its dense old English.


    It¡¯s late night but we don¡¯t mind.


    Reading the hour away together, we work on our Literature Class discussion papers and await Finn¡¯s return from detention. Of course when we hear the sound of Finn¡¯s loafers coming down the hallway, Sebastian and I always split up and one of us has to retreat to their side of the room.


    It¡¯s safer that way.


    Both Sebastian and I worry that if the guys found out we¡¯re together, they might¡ªintentionally or not¡ªlet my secret slip. Even though both Finn and Lucas have promised me separately that they¡¯ll stay quiet, it¡¯s better not to take chances. Even more now, since my time at the academy is dwindling with each passing day.


    I watch Sebastian pen down his thoughts on the passage we¡¯re on. Resting my head on my hands I close my eyes, sink into the bed, and listen quietly to his breathing. He¡¯s mumbling to himself, biting the end of the pen the way he does when he¡¯s trying to puzzle his way out of something confusing. My head¡¯s been making little notes on all the little things he does and doesn¡¯t notice. It¡¯s beautiful how seeing someone so often can make you truly appreciate how special they are.


    His muffled voice pulls me back to reality, and I blink up at Sebastian, who¡¯s waiting expectantly for my response.


    "What were you saying?" I ask sheepishly.


    He lets out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.


    ¡°Come on, listen, Camille.¡±


    Sebastian closes the book in front of us, deciding to start a new topic but he doesn¡¯t say anything at first when he looks at me. Using his index finger, he absentmindedly pushes a stray strand of hair out of my eyes and I look away trying not to blush.


    Smiling softly, Sebastian now looks me in the eye and gives my cheek a gentle tug.


    ¡°You know that you keep asking me what you should want in life, but I¡¯m not the one who can decide that. You have to figure it out on your own.¡±


    ¡®Oh, so this is the new topic he chose.¡¯


    I plop my head back down and glance away, "Hm."


    "If I wasn''t here or¡­ let¡¯s say that there was no one else in this world, what would you do?" he prods.


    I wrinkle my nose, ¡°Can I imagine you there?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just a hypothetical,¡± Sebastian laughs.


    I smile but I don¡¯t respond. As the silence envelops us, I watch as he slowly sighs, gets up, and takes our half-written essays to put them on his desk.


    Watching him move, a twinge of sadness settles in my chest. Though I¡¯ve broken countless rules during my time with Sebastian, this one always felt like facing an immovable mountain. Every time he tries to urge me to think creatively, I can hear Father''s voice clawing at the back of my mind like a whip.


    A sentence is all my head needs, ''Tools have no need for desires.''


    And just like that, the mental block returns and we''d be back at ground zero. It¡¯s been this way for the past three weeks, ever since Sebastian and I began ''not knowing'' together.


    He bends down next to me, kneeling on the hardwood beside the bed before pulling out his pager, "Anyway, I think the package I requested from home finally arrived. I got a notification."


    He moves away from the side of bed.


    "Let me go grab it,¡± Sebastian says, slipping on his loafers. ¡°You keep¡­ being you, I guess."


    He tousles my hair affectionately before walking away.


    As the door closes behind him, I sink deeper into his covers and my gaze drifts to the bed above where Finn sleeps. The rows of its foundations are all lined up in an elegant little array.


    "It was easier when life was neat like that," I mutter as I trace the metal frame with the tips of my fingers. "But that doesn''t mean it was better."


    I glance over at Sebastian¡¯s desk, our essays pressed together like they were meant to be written side-by-side and I can hardly stop myself from smiling.


    ¡®This¡­ this is better.¡¯


    My pager suddenly buzzes and my heart jumps within my chest as I fumble to pick it up.


    Only one person contacts me this way.


    I can feel my anxiety mounting as I confirm my fears, ''Another message from Mother!''


    My hands tremble slightly even though I know there should be no reason for this level of nerves. It¡¯s unwarranted. There¡¯s nothing major left to execute this late in the plan.


    And yet, it feels as though if I reply right now, she¡¯d be able to peer into my soul through the electronic device that I hold. Peer in and see something in me that has changed.


    Squeezing my arm and closing my eyes I carefully calm myself with deep breaths before opening them again and picking up the pager.


    As I spend the next ten minutes deciphering the code I find that she¡¯s said, ''Vernal Break Is Arriving. When Will You Come?''


    I let out a shaky sigh. I¡¯m glad she hasn''t found my lack of correspondence concerning.


    ¡­At least not yet.


    Before I can form a response, Sebastian walks back into the room carrying a package much larger than I expected. It¡¯s so tall that it reaches up to my hip.


    He slides next to me and cheekily says, "Drumroll!¡±


    Sitting up from the sheets, I oblige him as I fight the urge to roll my eyes.


    ¡°This package is actually-!" He passes it into my hands. "For you."


    I stare at the box in my hands in shock.


    My heart warms and I can¡¯t contain my grin.


    "This is my first time receiving a gift."


    As I open up the box flaps gingerly, I can feel jade eyes focus on me as they wait to capture my expression.


    Slowly, I bring out a pack of paints. The primary colors of magenta, yellow, and cyan slosh around inside the tubes with the addition of a few extra that sit at the bottom of the bag.


    I¡¯m not sure what to say as I observe them curiously.


    Helping me out, he takes multiple blank canvases out of the box along with an easy-set up easel that he places by the window. I sit on the desk chair he moved next to the easel and at the end he places a small beret on my head which I laugh at.


    ¡°There, now you¡¯re perfect. Modern day Monet,¡± he declares, rubbing his chin with his hand as he steps back to admire his work.


    I look at the brush and then glance towards the clear cup of water to my side of the desk. Moving across the bed, he turns on the night lamp and the white canvas glows an inviting orange.


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    ¡°Thank you, Sebastian. But, why paint?¡± I ask, carefully lifting the beret off and holding it gently in my hands.


    ¡°Why not? I want you to look at the blank paper and draw whatever comes to mind,¡± he replies. ¡°Maybe if you paint how you feel, it¡¯ll be easier to figure out what you actually want.¡±


    ¡°Nice theory,¡± I tease him with a grin.


    He bows with exaggerated flair, ¡°I¡¯m incredibly gifted in Camille research, as you can see.¡±


    This time I can¡¯t help but roll my eyes before turning to the canvas.


    I thought it would be easy to start painting, but I find that the blankness of the fabric stares back at me evenly.


    I realize that I¡¯m not sure what to say to it. I don¡¯t know what it wants from me.


    My eyes drift toward the window. I would ask the sun, but it¡¯s asleep right now.


    Only the moon remains and the moon is as stoic as Father.


    Minutes tick by, and after half an hour Sebastian unknowingly falls asleep against his bed frame. Another half hour goes by and Finn walks in with his eyes closed as he sleepwalks his way to his bed before collapsing into a deep dream.


    The canvas stares at me. I stare back.


    Words I usually only say in my head find themselves tumbling out from my mouth, ¡°What if I mess you up? You¡¯re already pretty the way you are now. What could I offer to make you nicer?¡±


    The white canvas whispers, ¡°Right now, I¡¯m empty. And empty is nice. But I lack something deeper. Something true. I lack love.¡±


    I scoff to myself, ¡°What would I know about love?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you love the boy?¡±


    I shift in my seat, ¡°I enjoy Sebastian. I still don¡¯t know what love truly is.¡±


    The canvas stays adamant, undeterred by my doubt, ¡°Show me the little you do know. Maybe I will learn how to love from it.¡±


    My heart meditates on its words.


    I run my finger over its soft grooves, ¡°If I ruin your emptiness, promise not to be upset.¡±


    And the canvas promises.


    Under the watchful gaze of the moon, I dip my brush into the water, then the red, and begin to paint. A swatch down the center first. Then a swirl to the side. A dot of fresh color layered atop the red beneath.


    It¡¯s exciting, I feel my fingers glide as I pour myself into a picture I never realized existed inside me. So I paint and I paint until the entire canvas is brimming with color. Emotions swirl within me and I can¡¯t decide whether to smile or frown, but even the in-between feels right. As the hours slip by, my body finally grows weary from the canvas'' request and I succumb to the night like my peers. Yet, the canvas'' voice still carries to my ears as my blankets overtake me.


    ¡°Yes. I feel whole now. Thank you.¡±


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Martius 16</h2>


    When I wake in the morning, I see Sebastian hovering over the painting. He gently pushes me to stir me from my drowsiness. I reflexively glance over to Finn but it seems that he¡¯s still fast asleep from yesterday¡¯s escapades.


    ¡°So this is what you ended up making, huh?¡± he mumbles with a small smile at the corner of his mouth.


    As the morning light spills into the room, I look at the painting with fresh eyes.


    In the center of the canvas, framed by swirls of gray, is a small girl kneeling. She¡¯s young, her hands gripping a plastic rose so tightly that her palms have gone white. Her eyes are squeezed shut as if she¡¯s praying while her face holds an expression so woefully desperate and mournful that just looking at it makes me feel like needles are pricking my heart. The rose. It¡¯s her only hope.


    I thought I had used all of my palette but the only color outside of the gray hues is the red rose and its green stem. The girl is me. At least that¡¯s what the image is supposed to be. I¡¯m not sure if the painfully archaic strokes really look like inspiration at all, but Sebastian seems to be pleased anyway.


    ¡°Is that you?¡± he asks, sitting down to appreciate the painting.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I reply, sitting up from my bed.


    ¡°It¡¯s weird seeing you with long hair and a dress,¡± he comments as he pushes the tips of his fingers over the dried sides of the canvas. ¡°Do you want that again?¡±


    Though he believes he¡¯s being subtle, I can tell he¡¯s hoping I¡¯ll say something that gives away how I want to express myself. I want to indulge him though, I think I can today.


    ¡°I¡­ wouldn¡¯t mind a dress,¡± I say.


    He grins, ¡°Then I¡¯ll get you a dress!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m undercover, Sebastian,¡± I laugh.


    ¡°You won¡¯t be undercover forever. I¡¯ll get you a dress,¡± he replies, obstinately.


    He steps closer, poking my face until I can¡¯t help but crack a smile. But even as I smile and poke him back, my heart doesn¡¯t feel any lighter. Instead, my thoughts keep drifting back to Mother and her words. A heaviness settles in my chest as I watch him hold my hand.


    ¡°Sebastian¡­¡± I murmur, my voice faltering.


    ¡°Hm?¡± He looks down, his expression softening as he tries to meet my gaze again.


    ¡°I¡¯m ready to tell you about why I¡¯m here.¡±


    He catches the serious tone in my voice and leans back to sit down on the thin carpet in the middle of our room. I follow quietly, heart beating fast against my will because this would truly be my first act of treason against my family. My eyes trace the furs of the rug beneath us trying to muster up the courage to have the details leave my mouth.


    Watching me, he places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently, ¡°I don¡¯t care if we¡¯re waiting here until the next Ice Age. Take your time because I¡¯m not going anywhere.¡±


    I let out a short laugh and wipe the tears trickling from my eyes.


    ¡®Tools have no need for desi-¡¯


    I stop the mantra in its tracks.


    Father isn¡¯t here. Sebastian is.


    And the words finally leave my mouth, ¡°Damien is dead.¡±


    They fall out as if they¡¯ve never been spoken before. Sebastian¡¯s eyes widen in shock, and it¡¯s as if a dam has broken. I tell him everything¡ªFather¡¯s death, Mother¡¯s deteriorating mind, the shift in my life, my arrival here, my mission. I can¡¯t stop myself as I pour out my time in that house, my suffering, the cellar.


    Like the perfect audience, his face twists with each new reveal in a symphony of surprise, disgust, and pity, but mostly with a quiet trust lingering beneath it all.


    When I finally fall silent, I can¡¯t bring myself to meet his eyes. Would knowing the truth¡ªhow I stepped on every rule known in Aurelia-Fields for this desperate gambit¡ªchange how he feels about me?


    His voice comes soon and breaks the silence, ¡°Thanks for telling me, Camille. I¡­ I¡¯m so sorry that you lived like that for so long.¡±


    He stands up and helps me to my feet as his face contorts to a grimace like he''s looking for ways to fight a dead man. But with a slow breath, his expression settles, and he looks back at me.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you spending your Vernal Break with your mom. She sounds unsafe. I¡¯d rather you be with me,¡± He stops in his tracks as if hearing the protectiveness in his words. ¡°That is¡­ if you want to.¡±


    I stare at him with wide eyes. ¡°Would you really let me?¡± I question.


    He scratches his cheek in embarrassment, ¡°You don¡¯t even have to ask. We¡¯re together after all.¡±


    I open my desk drawer fervently and take out my pager.


    ¡°Then, I should tell her now,¡± I reply excitedly.


    But the rush of elation drains away as my eyes land on the reply box and Mother¡¯s looming words. A chill runs through me as my thoughts ask again and again if I want to change my mind and just go back to that house. Each time, I tell myself ¡®no,¡¯ but unease still clings tightly to my heart.


    A hand on my shoulder pulls me back, and I find Sebastian standing there. His expression is nervous but resolute and his silent encouragement breathes strength into my resolve. With his certainty supporting mine, I begin transcribing our coded language into the pager.


    ¡®I¡¯m Staying With A Friend. This Will Strengthen My Cover.¡¯


    It doesn¡¯t take long for Mother to reply.


    ¡®Are You Certain?¡¯


    My heart beats faster and I squeeze Sebastian¡¯s hand.


    ¡®Yes.¡¯


    Nothing comes for a moment, but after a tense few minutes of waiting she replies.


    ¡®Confirmed.¡¯


    Then correspondence ends.


    I exhale sharply, relief spreading through me as I meet Sebastian¡¯s gaze with a laugh. He chuckles in response and without hesitation, I open my arms to invite him into a hug.


    I find that I¡¯ve been somewhat addicted to them lately.


    Taking the cue, he steps forward and wraps his arms around me, and I return it with fervor.


    ¡°Where is your home?¡± I ask, trying not to jump around like a child.


    He rubs his head diffidently, a look of small guilt on his face.


    ¡°Well, my family has an Aestival home that I usually visit during breaks like these. But¡­ it¡¯s not in Aurelia-Fields,¡± he admits.


    My eyes widen as my grip on him loosens, ¡°It¡¯s out of the country?¡±


    He nods slowly before quickly tagging on, ¡°Yes, it¡¯s in Verdelune. But don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll be next to you the whole time. We won¡¯t be apart, not even for a second. No one will figure out a thing, I promise.¡±


    He waits, eyes searching mine as though bracing for another storm to rise.


    But it doesn¡¯t.


    I trust him.


    ¡°Hey, it¡¯s okay,¡± I say, biting my thumb in excitement.


    I look towards the ground, thinking up something big.


    ¡°I have a plan.¡±

 Chapter 15 - Elsewhere pt.2

    Chapter 15


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Elsewhere pt.2¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 3639


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Martius 18</h2>


    Finn dejectedly watches us from his top bed as we pack our things.


    ¡°Sebby, I thought I was coming over to your place this break. You¡¯ve forgotten me. Yesterday, I had to call my dad to pick me up instead.¡±


    Sebastian rolls his eyes, ¡°You come over to my place every year, Finn. I want to see Verdelune alone this time.¡±


    Finn grumbles under his breath before moving his gaze to me. ¡°Damien, where are you going for break? You and I could ditch Sebastian together and go on a city hike. I¡¯ve got sooo many things to see, plus you¡¯d be hidden real well in the crowd.¡± he boasts.


    ¡°Ah, my apologies, Finn. I will be visiting home to arrange wedding plans with my Mother,¡± I say, not taking my eyes off of my suitcase.


    He looks between both of us, displeased.


    ¡°Both of you are party-poopers,¡± he huffs.


    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be packing too? Your dad¡¯s private jet is coming in an hour,¡± Sebastian mutters, growing annoyed with Finn¡¯s moaning and complaining.


    ¡°Nah I¡¯ll make him wait,¡± Finn replies.


    He slowly moves down the bunk ladder with his eyes locked on the blonde, ¡°Keep him on his toes, you know?¡±


    He creeps up behind Sebastian and suddenly leaps onto his back. Sebastian jolts upright with a startled yelp, and I press my lips together, trying not to laugh.


    He punches Finn¡¯s shoulder with a roll of his eyes.


    ¡°Enjoy your city hike,¡± he says before leaving to go grab our Vacating pamphlets from the main office.


    The door creaks closed and Finn leans on the metal frame of the bunk bed, crossing his arms.


    Sliding the small knapsack out from under my bed, I reach inside. My fingers brush against familiar items until I pull out a green, rectangular square.


    Damien¡¯s passport.


    Its surface feels smooth yet worn under my fingertips, and I pause, tracing the crinkled edges absentmindedly. This was one of the few remnants of him salvaged from the crash. One of the only things that truly belonged to him. After a lingering moment, I tuck it gently into the suitcase pocket.


    Finn watches as I put my towel in my bag and I glance back at him.


    ¡°Hey,¡± he says, looking at me with those blue-gray eyes.


    ¡°Hello,¡± I reply.


    ¡°So, wedding plans, huh? Guess you really are going to marry Leonard,¡± he says, uncrossing his arms.


    The words cause my back to prickle, but I don¡¯t respond.


    He approaches silently before kneeling beside me on the ground, ¡°I know I sounded like I was joking before, but we really could go on that city hike together. It could take your mind off the whole thing if it''s bothering you.¡±


    ¡°I...¡± I mumble. ¡°I have to go back.¡±


    He looks away and sucks his teeth with a sigh, ¡°Figures. Parents are like that, huh?¡±


    He stands up and walks away to retrieve his suitcase from under his bed. But as he pulls it out, I catch the hesitation in his eyes and his resolve faltering. He looks less like someone preparing to fly and more like someone itching to run.


    ¡°Do¡­ you want to go home?¡± I find myself asking.


    Finn doesn¡¯t respond and his back is turned to me, making it impossible to read his expression. This is unusual. He always has something to say, even if it¡¯s a quip or a distraction. But this? It feels like a deliberate wall.


    The wheels start to click as I piece together everything that I know about him and it all begins to make sense.


    Of course he stays with Sebastian at this time of year. It¡¯s not just for fun; it¡¯s to avoid that house. A house with parents who pick apart every move he makes, only sees his faults, and shipped away the only person he truly loved.


    And now I¡¯ve taken his place.


    I¡¯ve occupied the one trip he looks forward to all year. He might not know that¡¯s why Sebastian is headed to Verdelune, but that doesn¡¯t erase the fact that I¡¯ve displaced him. They¡¯re best friends, but I don¡¯t think even Sebastian knows the truth about what happened with Finn¡¯s sister. To Sebastian, Finn¡¯s constant presence probably just feels like his usual playful clinginess.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you visit Laoise?¡± I say.


    The words just fall out of my mouth without thought and I immediately grasp that it isn¡¯t my place to mention her name.


    He flinches and I hear his hands tighten on the Velcro of his bags.


    ¡°Damien¡­¡± he starts.


    But I don¡¯t back down. Sebastian doesn¡¯t give up on me either when I say things are too painful to face. He presses on the unhealed wounds I¡¯ve tried to hide because he knows that¡¯s the only way they¡¯ll finally start to mend.


    I stand up to face him.


    ¡°Why¡­Why don¡¯t you! If you keep putting it off, you¡¯ll never get answers. You don¡¯t know how she feels. She¡¯s probably wondering why you¡¯ve never come visit. She probably¡­ misses her little brothe-¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk about things you don¡¯t understand!¡± he yells at me. ¡°You don¡¯t know her! You¡¯ll never know her.¡±


    Taken aback, I stare at Finn with wide eyes. I¡¯ve never seen this side of him before.


    I grip my sleeve and look down to the floor.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I say.


    Silence envelopes us.


    ¡°You know what, I think I¡¯ll be early for Dad this time. Make his day,¡± Finn mutters coldly before grabbing his suitcase and walking out the door.


    I watch him leave, the door slamming behind him as I flinch.


    My hands tremble.


    I slowly realize that when his voice rose, it stirred the memories of Father¡¯s yells. Thoughts of Damien¡¯s fear, Mother¡¯s silence and my pain push to the surface and crash against my mind.


    My grip tightens on my arm.


    ¡®He¡¯s still lost in that ocean,¡¯ my head murmurs as I try not to let the memories break me down. ¡®But someday, a boat will find him.¡¯


    The tremors finally subside and leave me feeling more anchored, though the unease still lingers.


    After another few minutes pass, Sebastian returns and looks around curiously. ¡°Where¡¯d Finn go? He needs to sign the vacancy paper.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s making his father¡¯s day,¡± I say idly as I zip up my suitcase.


    Sebastian glances at Finn¡¯s empty bed before rubbing his forehead exasperatedly, ¡°Guess I¡¯m forging it again.¡±


    ~


    I can¡¯t help but stare wide-eyed at the enormous structure in front of me as my hands clutch my suitcase for stability.


    I never thought I¡¯d encounter a structure bigger than St. Reginald¡¯s Academy, but now I¡¯m standing beside Sebastian in front of the airport about to take my first commercial flight.


    The jump from the controlled world of school to the chaotic buzz of this area feels surreal, and yet here I am, even though I couldn¡¯t even concede to Lucas'' pleas for me to visit Caelum City all year long.


    Walking inside, we check in for our flight while I flash Damien¡¯s passport to the burly-looking attendance clerk. We move past the halls as we make our way to the gate where our plane would be waiting.


    ¡°Everything is so shiny,¡± I breathe.


    ¡°Guess this beats your private jet flight, huh?¡± Sebastian chuckles.


    The crowd here is much larger than the student body of St. Reginald¡¯s Academy and yet I know that there still aren''t as many people as there could be.


    Aurelia-Fields is very strict on who can leave the country and who can¡¯t and most people fall into the latter. But Sebastian¡¯s father has family living outside since he was of mixed race, so therefore Sebastian is a dual citizen and has freedom to leave the country for short periods of time.


    This paired with the fact that Verdelune and Aurelia-Fields are only divided by a border on the map made it much easier to get approved for travel. And now, I would be tagging along with him as a plus-one.


    My first time out of this country¡­


    The attendant speaks over the loudspeaker, ¡°Boarding is now beginning.¡±


    I watch as the other passengers rise and I follow suit as Sebastian walks behind me. We find our seats on the plane and settle beside one another, but the sheer size of the craft sends a wave of anxiety through me. This is the exact type of contraption that sent me to the cellar all of those years ago and later took my father and brother¡¯s life. I let out a breath, shaky and fragile.


    ¡®But¡­¡¯


    I look over to see Sebastian grab a book from his hand luggage for us to pass the time together. I smile when he looks down to check on me.


    Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    ¡®This time I have someone I know beside me.¡¯


    I lean on his arm as he opens up the novel.


    ¡®And he promised that he would stay by me.¡¯


    ~


    After two hours of travel, we arrive in Verdelune and take our luggage from the baggage claim.


    As we walk out of the building, the air feels much the same as it did back in Aurelia-Fields.


    We step through the airport doors to meet the chauffeur that Sebastian¡¯s family arranged for us, but I¡¯m suddenly bumped by someone rushing past the crowd.


    ¡°Sorry, kid!¡± a soft voice laughs.


    ¡°Uh! I¡­¡± I stumble.


    She tilts her head curiously, as if in thought, before hearing her name called and continuing her run. I¡¯m left standing still, feeling as though I¡¯ve been hit by a lightning bolt.


    It¡¯s a woman and she¡¯s grinning from ear to ear.


    A sunhat graces her head and her hair blows in the wind as she runs up to a man and kisses him. Small kids hug her tan legs and she rubs their heads.


    A soft, ¡°Oh,¡± is the only sound I can manage.


    Sebastian watches my bewilderment with a smile as a black car pulls up and the driver steps out to grab our luggage. As we travel through the crowded streets, I glue my face to the window.


    There are girls of all kinds¡ªsome in school uniforms walking side by side with their male peers, women haggling for fruit at the market, children laughing as they push each other on swings at the playground. The air feels warm, alive with the preparations for Verdelune¡¯s annual Vernal Festival.


    I don¡¯t manage a single word until we¡¯re in Sebastian¡¯s Aestival home.


    ¡°There are so many¡­¡± I mumble.


    ¡°Women. I know.¡± he says, taking off his loafers and switching them out for sandals.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen another girl before! Other than Mother, of course. They¡¯re all so beautiful,¡± I say, awe spilling from my words.


    ¡°Just like you,¡± Sebastian adds casually, and a smile tugs at my lips.


    ¡°Come on, we¡¯ve got things to do today,¡± he says as he heads to his room to change out of his school clothes.


    Looking around, I walk into the spacious bathroom and change out of my uniform into one of Damien¡¯s outing clothes. I haven¡¯t had a reason to wear them until now. Standing before the mirror, I observe the button-up shirt and the baggy pants that hang off my small frame.


    My thoughts wander to the schoolgirls I¡¯d seen earlier, their hair pulled back into perfect ponytails, their bright eyes and sunkissed skin glowing under the sun. Washing my face, I scrub away the dried herbs that I apply daily in an attempt to mimic Damien¡¯s tan. The herbs peel away like a snake shedding its skin to reveal the pale, almost sickly whiteness beneath¡ªthe result of years spent inside.


    ¡®I look nothing like them.¡¯


    Staring at my reflection in the mirror, a sudden wave of jealousy rushes in, sharp and bitter.


    ¡®How is it that they, just a border away from Aurelia-Fields, get to live lives so different from mine? Why do they get to smile, laugh, and pretend their lives are as free as everyone else¡¯s?¡¯


    The thoughts threaten to consume me and I feel the urge to sink to the floor. My soul wants to scream and curse everything that¡¯s held me back, that¡¯s kept from this type of happiness.


    All those years, spent like a houseplant in a corner¡­


    ¡®It¡¯ll only be a week here in Verdelune and soon, I¡¯ll have to return to that prison of a country to live another life I didn¡¯t choose as Leonard¡¯s wife.¡¯


    A thought, just a small one, floats into my mind, a fleeting idea that promises something more. But it¡¯s gone before I can grab onto it, interrupted by a knock at the door.


    ¡°Hey, Camille? Are you ready yet?¡± Sebastian calls.


    I keep the sniffles from leaking into my voice and straighten up.


    ¡°Yes! I¡¯m coming out now.¡±


    I take a final glance at myself in the mirror before walking out.


    ~


    ¡°I told our driver, Julien, to leave us be today. It¡¯ll be nice to walk around the shopping district together,¡± Sebastian says nonchalantly and stretches his arms behind his back as if I won¡¯t notice the subtle tension in his shoulders.


    ¡°I hope you¡¯re not planning on spending any of your money on me,¡± I warn, raising an eyebrow.


    ¡°Me? Spend money? No way,¡± he huffs, glancing away with a dramatic roll of his eyes.


    I watch Sebastian closely, trying to gauge whether he¡¯s telling the truth. But as we continue walking, I find myself keeping my gaze low to avoid the eyes of those around us.


    It¡¯s hard to tell if they¡¯re just going about their day, or if they can sense that something isn¡¯t quite right with me. Sebastian¡¯s expression softens slightly, but there¡¯s still a small frown pulling at the corners of his lips as he watches me.


    Our first sightseeing stop is a packed clothing store hidden inside the market. There are pretty blouses, skirts, bows, and dresses littered everywhere. The colors almost seem like they¡¯re glowing in the afternoon light.


    ¡°Wow¡­¡± I breathe.


    ¡°Choose one,¡± Sebastian says with a grin.


    ¡°Me?¡± I look back at him shocked.


    ¡°I told you that I¡¯d buy you a dress.¡±


    I cross my arms annoyed and whisper, ¡°Sebastian, why do I have to keep reminding you that I¡¯m undercover?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re in Verdelune, Camille. Not Aurelia-Fields. No one will recognize you,¡± he pushes back with a grin.


    I shift on my feet uncomfortably.


    ¡°Just grab a dress. Please. I have another thing that might help,¡± he says and looks away slyly as he shoves his hands in pockets.


    I watch him curiously but he refuses to let any more words slip, so I decide to look around the shop.


    They¡¯re all so wonderful but my eyes decidedly settle on a pink dress. It¡¯s double layered, made of cotton and linen with lace frills at the bottom¡¯s end and perfectly round sleeves that cut off at the top of the arm showing off the skin beneath it.


    It¡¯s beautiful.


    And though I don¡¯t want Sebastian to spend any money on me, he notices me staring at it and insists on buying the dress. I give in seeing how much it¡¯s written on his face that he wants to do this for me.


    Taking off Damien¡¯s clothes in the dressing room, I slowly put on the outfit. I twirl around in the mirror watching myself in amazement and not before long I hear a knock on the door of the changing room.


    ¡°Hey, Camille,¡± Sebastian whispers. ¡°Can I come in?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± I blush, shocked by his request.


    ¡°A-after you¡¯ve worn the dress, of course,¡± he quickly tags on.


    Hesitantly, I move to the door and push off the lock, allowing him in.


    ¡°Super sorry, uh, I just wanted to give you my surprise,¡± he murmurs, scratching his red face.


    Sebastian brings his satchel to the front of his chest and reaches his hand in. I watch in gentle curiosity but my eyes widen when he takes out his gift.


    In his hands lay a long brown wig. I pick it up and compare it to my hair in the mirror¡­ it¡¯s my perfect shade.


    ¡°I thought you might be worried about going out in the dress with your hair this short, so I bought this after you told me that you were coming with me to Verdelune. My dad probably gave me a weird look when he saw that charge come through,¡± Sebastian says with a soft laugh as he lifts his gaze from the ground to meet mine.


    I run into his arms as tears start welling up in my eyes, ¡°Thank you so much, Sebastian.¡±


    He pats my head gently, ¡°...Of course.¡±


    Turning around, I net up my natural hair and place the wig on, adjusting it until it looks like the hair that used to grow out of my head.


    Looking in the full-body mirror, I see a person I haven¡¯t recognized in months. Damien isn¡¯t completely gone, no not entirely, but there¡¯s a new Camille staring back at me.


    For the first time in my life, I truly see myself¡­ and it makes me want to smile.


    ¡°Wow,¡± he mumbles. ¡°Just wow.¡±


    My eyes twinkle at his reaction.


    He shakes his head with a smile, ¡°I¡¯ll give you some time. Come meet me when you¡¯re ready.¡±


    Sebastian walks out and though I want to be right next to him, my feet hesitate to follow behind. The door shuts behind him and I stand alone in silence. After leaving this room, I¡¯ll be subject to the dangers of the outside world again. Time will start and my anxiety will return. But, Sebastian promised that I¡¯d be okay and I trust him.


    Most of all¡­


    Closing my eyes, I place a tender hand over my heart.


    ¡°I think I trust myself,¡± I murmur.


    So I hand Sebastian the dress and once he finishes paying for it, he passes it back to me in the stall. Once I come out again, Sebastian stretches out his hands to meet me which I happily hold.


    As we leave the store he says, ¡°You look beautiful,¡± and I blush.


    We walk down the market streets together and I can¡¯t help but stop at every booth to look at each glittery trinket. My pink dress twirls behind me like a conduit of the wind as I fly deeper and deeper down the road, laughter on my tongue.


    Every once in a while I lose Sebastian in the crowd, but I don¡¯t have to look around for too long before he appears again. And yet, even as he floats in and out of my field of vision I realize that I¡¯m not so nervous.


    I feel free.


    I¡¯m in a dress, with my hair, walking down the street as myself.


    Truly myself.


    ¡°I want to get so many of these books!¡± I giggle, trotting back to Sebastian.


    He gets a glint in his eye so before he can speak I place my hands over his lips.


    ¡°Without your money. I¡¯ll figure out how to get them myself.¡±


    We both laugh.


    ¡°You know, my family has a little history with Verdelune,¡± he mentions off-handedly as we walk side-by-side.


    I look at him curiously, ¡°Tell me about it!¡±


    He chuckles, ¡°Are you sure?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± I answer quickly which makes him snicker more.


    ¡°Okay, okay¡­ do you know that my grandfather was actually born out of the country before he came here?¡±


    I look at him shocked, ¡°And he chose to be a citizen of Aurelia-Fields of his own volition?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Sebastian chuckles to himself. ¡°It¡¯s an age-old story. My dad likes to tell it over dinner all the time.¡±


    ¡°He was first over there as an intern on a news trip to report about life inside Aurelia-Fields. While visiting an affluent family, he met their unmarried daughter. He was only sixteen, but the moment he saw her he fell in love. At least that¡¯s how my dad says it.¡±


    Sebastian shrugs to himself, ¡°After they left, he came to Verdelune and found someone here that could make him fake Firudian documentation. Using that, he came back into the country within the year and married my grandmother.¡±


    ¡°Wow¡­¡± I say in admiration.


    ¡°We consider the family that helped our grandfather to be close friends. That¡¯s why Dad went through Aurelia-Fields'' decades-long application just to leave the country. And it was all so we could share beer every Aestival with the second generation of my grandfather¡¯s helper.¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± I tap my chin. ¡°Beer? Isn¡¯t drinking alcohol at seventeen illegal-¡±


    ¡°Hey! Look at the sun? Going down fast, huh? Let¡¯s keep walking,¡± he chuckles quickly as he pushes me along.


    Martius 25


    Sebastian and I spend the week running around the shopping district, eating foreign food, and going on walks. If I could, I¡¯d stretch these moments out for the rest of my life. On the last day of our trip, the day of Verdelune¡¯s Vernal Festival, we walk down from his home to watch the parade. Confetti and candy wrappers flood my eyes as I watch stilt-walkers and fire breathers march down the roads completely enraptured.


    Eventually, the sun starts to melt into the sky painting our skins orange and purple as the night begins to come. Sebastian squeezes my hand as we turn to walk back up to his Aestival house.


    ¡°Camille!¡± he calls out to me as the night market''s streetlights begin to glow.


    ¡°Hm?¡± I hum as I turn around and leave the candy apple vendor to run up to him.


    He points upwards.


    ¡°Do you know what the best thing is about being a public couple in Verdelune?¡± Sebastian says, looking at the starry sky.


    I follow his gaze, stars capturing my eyes, ¡°What?¡±


    Then I feel warm lips on my cheek.


    ¡°I get to do this.¡±

 Chapter 16 - Weightless

    Chapter 16


    <h2 style="text-align: center">¡°Weightless¡±</h2>


    Word Count: 3198


    <h2 style="text-align: center">Aprilius 2</h2>


    The sky seems bluer.


    The flowers are blossoming. The air carries a soft sweetness, tinged with the pollen the bees gather for their honey. It¡¯s Vernal, and the birds¡¯ songs weave through the morning, tempting me to hum along as I walk to class.


    I¡¯ve never known freedom like this before.


    Stepping into my History class, I move to the back of the room and sit down with a resounding, dreamy, sigh. If my demeanor got any peculiar stares, I surely wouldn''t notice it in my fantasy state.


    Lost in a daydream, I recall my week with Sebastian in Verdelune. The breeze brushing against my legs, hair that reached past my chin and pooled on my shoulders. Over there, I felt like I could run away. Run into a horizon that had a future for me.


    Class ends soon enough but as I walk out, I¡¯m suddenly bumped into by a face I know too well.


    ¡°Damien!¡±


    My vision focuses as I see Lucas standing before me. He¡¯s silent for a moment, an awkward smile plastered on his face as his eyes dart around looking for something to say. I haven¡¯t spoken to him really in about seven weeks.


    My hands rest in my armpits as I try to find words as well.


    The past few months were some of the hardest I¡¯ve gone through here at St. Reginald¡¯s Academy and I had to find a reason to keep going.


    It turned out¡­ that he wasn¡¯t enough of one.


    His smile softens as he chuckles, ¡°I was going to say something stupid like ¡®Nice weather we¡¯re having, huh?¡¯ but I bet you don¡¯t want to answer that and I¡¯m pretty sure I don¡¯t want to hear the answer either.¡±


    The corner of my mouth curls in a small smirk which he notices and punches me in the shoulder with a grin, ¡°Hey! I got you, didn¡¯t I?¡±


    But silence settles between us once again, broken only by his soft sigh.


    ¡°Hey, Damien. Do you think we could talk? I know you probably have places to go, but¡­ um¡­¡±


    He scratches the back of his head as his voice trails off in embarrassment.


    ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s talk,¡± I say quickly, seeing the conflict in his eyes.


    ¡°Okay¡­¡± he lets out a sigh of relief. ¡°Okay, meet me by the bleachers in a few minutes. I¡¯ll go tell the coach that I¡¯m calling out for today.¡±


    Lucas disappears down the hallway in a blur, and I release a slow, unsteady sigh as the weight of my nerves press down on me.


    ¡®It¡¯s okay. Let¡¯s hear what he has to say,¡¯ I tell myself and with that, I start making my way to the field where Lucas would be waiting for me.


    ~


    The breeze at the top of bleachers teasingly blows my hair behind my ears as the sun of the afternoon hangs steady in the sky. Lucas sits beside me as we watch the remaining players of the baseball team take their laps around the track.


    ¡°Coach probably only let me call it quits for today because he trusts that I¡¯ll make up the exercise tomorrow,¡± he mutters with a soft chuckle. ¡°But honestly, it¡¯ll be exercise enough getting out from under the dogpile the guys are gonna put me under after they finish today.¡±


    I nod, a small smile lingering as I watch the players move below us, their laughter echoing faintly in the air.


    ¡°Hey, Damien,¡± Lucas suddenly speaks, his tone shifting.


    I look up to him to find his usual playful eyes shadowed with tears hanging at their corners.


    He runs a hand through his hair, sadness and guilt carving lines on his face, ¡°Did I¡­ Did I hurt you in any way? If I did, I want you to know that I never meant to. I care about you, I really do.¡±


    My eyes widen, and before I can stop myself, I place my hands over his, ¡°No!¡±


    The words burst out faster than I intended, and I catch myself, pulling my hands back awkwardly. ¡°Well, I mean¡­¡±


    He looks away to hide the redness in his eyes. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he pulls one of his knees closer to his chest as if embarrassed by his own emotions.


    Honoring his silently-spoken wish, I quietly turn from him and instead look towards the horizon. I breathe in deeply, letting the steady glow of the sun settle my racing thoughts. Its quiet strength gives me the courage to listen to the voice inside that tells me that now is the time to speak honestly.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t tell you that I was upset, so I don¡¯t expect to have known that¡­ to be truly honest¡­ I didn¡¯t want us to be together. At least not in the way we were,¡± I say, heart pounding as the words leave my lips.


    Even so, all the progress I¡¯ve made with Sebastian makes my true thoughts come out so much easier.


    ¡°It¡¯s true. I have been avoiding you. I knew how much you cared about me, so I didn¡¯t want to hurt you by telling you that I didn¡¯t feel the same way as you did. I hoped that you would just move on.¡±


    I laugh silently to myself as I trace the bleacher grooves underneath my fingertips, ¡°But I guess that was silly. You¡¯re too good of a person to just forget about someone.¡±


    It¡¯s quiet for a moment between us and I whole-heartedly expect that after my confession, anxiety would start bubbling out of me like a shaken can of soda.


    But yet¡­ I feel surprisingly calm. I spoke something that was on my mind to someone even though it was hard. All by myself.


    My gaze drifts towards the sky.


    Right now, I am forging a path made by my own will. And it feels¡­


    Lucas'' laugh comes softly but tinged with embarrassment, ¡°I really thought I knew what I was doing.¡±


    He rests his head on his shoulders as he leans further back on his arms, ¡°I¡¯ve never been in love before so I guess I thought that everything I was feeling, you were feeling too. But now that I think about it, I never stopped to ask if you wanted the same things. I just¡­ I guess I wanted it to be true so badly that I didn¡¯t even think to ask.¡±


    I watch as glittering tears start to well up in his brown eyes again.


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I get if you don¡¯t want to talk to me anymore, but I want you to know that you¡¯re still my friend and I¡¯ll always be here if you need me,¡± Lucas smiles as he turns to me fully, not hiding away as red tints the bottom of his eyelids.


    My breath hitches and I struggle to hold back tears that threaten to spill.


    He suddenly shoots up from the bench, waving his arms like he can shake off the excess emotion.


    ¡°Whoo! Arghhh tears, go away,¡± Lucas laughs it off.


    He turns towards me once he¡¯s done moving, ¡°You know¡­ It¡¯s kind of funny how we were each other¡¯s firsts and first-lasts, if that makes sense.¡±


    I stand up too as I smile at him, ¡°It makes sense. And we¡¯re still pretty extraordinary either way.¡±


    Lucas pushes my shoulder gently with his body, ¡°Yeah, I think so too.¡±


    The first bell rings faintly in the distance signaling the move to next period.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll let you go now. Tell me if you ever need anything, Damien.¡± He says tilting his head nervously as he watches Dorian and Cyrus shoot him angry glares from the field below.


    ¡°I will, Lucas,¡± I beam.


    He watches me curiously, ¡°That¡¯s the first time you¡¯ve ever said my name so smoothly.¡±


    I grin and give him a teasing shrug before trotting down the bleachers.


    ~


    Sitting in the cafeteria next to Sebastian and Finn, I listen with mild interest as their voices blend into a casual murmur discussing the new handheld game devices they expect to hit the market in a few years.


    Except Finn seems to be less enthusiastic about the whole thing, uncharacteristically leaving Sebastian to lead the conversation as he lounges on his arms.


    As their discussion reaches a lull, Finn catches my eye and I turn away.


    Sebastian mumbles questioningly to himself as he notices Finn¡¯s standoffishness and decides to bring up a topic the silver-haired boy just can¡¯t ignore.


    Tapping his temple, Sebastian squints his eyes in concentration, ¡°Ah¡­ I forget Finn. What was it you were going to use for your Senior Capstone Prank? Wet wipes or used doggy bags?¡±


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    Finn looks over at him lazily, ¡°Neither. I might call the whole thing off.¡±


    The sound of my fork clattering against the table breaks the silence that statement caused, and Sebastian and I exchange wide-eyed glances.


    Sebastian places a concerned hand on Finn¡¯s back.


    ¡°A¡­Are you okay, man?¡± he asks in a stumble.


    Finn grins, his mischievous eyes gleaming as he sticks out his tongue at us.


    ¡°I¡¯m not terminally ill, I promise.¡±


    Sebastian lets out a relieved sigh.


    But this time, Finn makes it a point to stare directly at me. Before I can look away, his striking gray-blue eyes implore to me that he wants to talk. This time, I can¡¯t help but look at him back.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to the bathroom, Sebby. Probably won¡¯t be back for the period so I¡¯ll see you at the dorm,¡± Finn says, stretching his arms while he throws his tray in the trash.


    Sebastian groans hearing his nickname, ¡°Yeah, yeah. Glad to see that you¡¯re back to normal.¡±


    The two of us watch Finn leave past the cafeteria doors.


    ¡°Ah, I need to use the bathroom as well.¡± I tag on, standing up from the bench.


    ¡°Okay, see you soon,¡± Sebastian says, giving a short wave goodbye.


    He focuses his attention on speed-eating the rest of his meal, eager to leave the now half-empty table behind.


    I wait for a few minutes in the hall, scanning the area around me before I step into the first-floor bathroom. It¡¯s quiet¡ªjust the hum of the fluorescent lights above and the scent of freshly cleaned tiles fill the area. I open each stall door carefully, one by one, but Finn isn¡¯t there.


    Peeking outside the room again, I see a slightly ajar closet door at the far-end of the hall. The familiarity of it hits me.


    I walk over carefully and glance inside to see a glimpse of silver hair.


    ¡°Coming in,¡± I softly whisper as I move and gently close the door behind me.


    It¡¯s dark inside, just like it was the last time we were in a closet together. Yet, somehow, it feels different now. Colder. We weren¡¯t hiding away, speaking in hushed tones, and finding comfort in shared stories anymore. This time, the silence comes from the weight of our unspoken words, the distance that has grown between us since his loud exit from the dorm two weeks ago.


    ¡°Hello,¡± I mumble.


    ¡°...Hey,¡± Finn replies.


    Awkward silence overtakes us.


    I hear Finn slump down to the floor, his groan breaking the stillness.


    He ruffles his hair tiredly, ¡°I just wanted to apologize for how I left two weeks ago.¡±


    I join him on the ground and kneel at the other end of the closet.


    ¡°You were just trying to look out for me, but I didn¡¯t want to hear those words yet. Maybe ever,¡± he admits, his voice thick with an honesty I hadn¡¯t expected.


    In the dark room, I see a small smirk on his lips despite his somber tone.


    ¡°But hey¡­ I took your advice,¡± he grins.


    My eyes widen as I shuffle closer.


    ¡°You did?¡± I marvel.


    ¡°Yeah. You know, I guess I hate my old man so much, I decided to throw myself into a different lions¡¯ den instead.¡± he chuckles. ¡°After I left the room and cooled down for a couple hours on his plane, I paged Laoise¡¯s husband and asked if I could stay over at their house for Vernal break. You know, all before I could change my mind,¡±


    He shrugs his shoulders as he mentions his sister¡¯s spouse, ¡°I guess he wanted to use it as a chance to schmooze more money from my Dad or something because the estate was the only thing he would talk about with me.¡±


    But even in the low light, I catch the quiet sparkle in his gray eyes.


    ¡°But I saw Laoise, Damien! Oh man¡­ she has kids now! Can you even believe it? A boy and girl. I bet she¡¯s the perfect mother,¡± he says, his grin widening as he recalls the moment.


    I laugh, my heart swelling at the genuine joy radiating from him.


    ¡°That first day, I chatted about random things with her husband until he would finally leave me alone. And when her husband went to sleep, I stayed up in their living room hoping that she¡¯d sneak out of her bed and meet me.¡±


    Finn comes to an abrupt stop, the tips of his nails lightly tracing the hardwood floor beneath us. His expression holds a contemplative look as he takes a moment to pause.


    ¡°But I was scared¡­ Just as scared as I was back at her wedding, maybe even more. Man, I¡¯m telling you my heart was racing and I felt like I was either going to die or run for the hills. I honestly was considering sneaking back into their guest room and pretending like I was asleep the whole time just so I wouldn¡¯t have to deal with the pain of her not showing up,¡± Finn says and then stops. ¡°But I didn¡¯t.¡±


    He looks towards me.


    ¡°You know why?¡±


    I shake my head slightly but I know that he caught it because he smiles.


    ¡°I thought about you.¡±


    Finn shifts his body to fully face me.


    ¡°You¡¯re out here breaking laws, fighting the status quo, just doing crazy things that my petty pranks won¡¯t ever hold a candle to¡­ so how would I be able to look you in the eye when I came back if sitting on a couch for a few extra minutes was too much for me?¡±


    I let out a quiet laugh and he grins.


    ¡°Before I could successfully overthink myself into cardiac arrest, Laoise slipped past the halls a few minutes later.¡± His eyes look towards the closet door. ¡°And she didn¡¯t say a word but sat down beside me.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t know what to tell her that would be right. My mind was racing, my thoughts jumbled, and she was just standing there, watching me. I probably looked like an idiot. And yet I still came up blank. So instead of opening with some stupid half-baked joke, I just said what¡¯s been on my mind for the past ten years. I asked her¡­


    ¡®Do you hate me?¡¯¡±


    He pauses again and then smiles.


    ¡°And she didn¡¯t even say anything back. She just hugged me like a bear and started crying! Not just crying, sobbing and bawling like a baby.


    Silly sis¡­ all that noise she was making? It had me crying right there next to her.¡± he says in a breathy laugh. ¡°Can you imagine it? Both of us sat there sobbing like children on a couch that was probably half the net worth of Caelum City.¡±


    We both snicker, sharing such a true understanding that we don¡¯t need to say anything more.


    ¡°And after, she held my face and asked me if I was okay and if Dad had hurt me since then. And, I¡¯m telling you, I¡¯m sitting there absolutely stunned. I didn¡¯t know what to say! But I knew what I wanted to tell her, ¡®Laoise¡­ what about you!¡¯¡±


    He wipes his face wearily as he chuckles.


    ¡°Of course, it¡¯s just like her to think about everyone else before herself. But either way, the whole thing was just awesome. We talked the whole night about everything under the sun until we saw the morning light start to come up.¡±


    He glances at me again, emotion written all over his face.


    ¡°¡­It was perfect, you know.¡±


    ¡°And though she looked older, I swear, she was just as beautiful as she¡¯d ever been. At the end of the night, we hugged again and she smiled at me¡­¡±


    Finn bites his thumb holding back a grin.


    ¡°And I never realized that I missed her smile so insanely much¡­ I¡¯m going to go back as many times as I can after this term ends. I don¡¯t care how many random fun facts I have to learn about Dad¡¯s company to keep her husband interested, I¡¯ll do it all to see her.¡±


    Looking back at me he continues, ¡°But I want to say thank you. I don¡¯t know how much longer I would¡¯ve put off seeing her if you never said anything.¡±


    He looks down at the floor as he clenches his fists.


    ¡°I wasted so much time messing with the principal and this school just to get on my parent¡¯s nerves¡­ I¡¯m done with all that.¡±


    He stops for a moment and thinks it over.


    ¡°Mostly.¡±


    We both suppress laughter, our breaths coming out in short, quiet bursts as we struggle to hold ourselves back.


    After our fits end, he huffs finally back to his normal personality, ¡°By the way! You and Sebastian must think I¡¯m stupid! Don¡¯t think I haven¡¯t noticed what¡¯s been going on.


    He rolls his eyes, ¡°You guys stare at each other like lovesick puppies all the time,¡±


    I blush trying to think of a way to push back before he interrupts me.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, I give you my blessing. Take care of my son,¡± he winks mischievously. But his voice softens towards the end, the lightness fading as the silence envelops us.


    ¡°Of course, the term¡¯s almost ending¡­¡± he murmurs gravely.


    His words hang in the air, and my heartbeat stutters, as though he¡¯s made the unspoken truth come to life.


    ¡°You need to talk to Leonard,¡± he asserts with sincere eyes.


    ¡°I¡­ I will,¡± I whisper.


    He looks at me for a moment longer and smiles with a sigh before tapping my head, ¡°Thanks for being a friend. And sorry.¡±


    His eyes flicker down in regret, ¡°...for everything.¡±


    I bite my lip before nodding, then we stand up together and leave the closet.


    As we walk back to the dorm, Sebastian finds us and joins our stroll but not before scolding us both for abandoning him at the table. Talking with one another, we round the corner and pass the fourth-floor stairway that leads up to the senior dorms.


    The dorms¡­ where Leonard lives.


    I feel my gaze harden without thinking, and Sebastian notices it immediately. He glances at Finn, who is lost in his thoughts, before whispering in my ear, ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Camille?¡±


    ¡°Nothing,¡± I say with a small smile.


    He watches me for a second before returning it and resuming his talk with Finn.


    I rub the fabric of my shoulder cuffs as I look back towards the stairwell.


    ¡®Everything will be fine.¡¯