《Moonlit Secret》


 One

    My head pounded as I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a snarled mess, makeup smeared around my eyes making me look like a raccoon, and angry red welts peppering my neck, trailing down towards my chest. The shirt I wore was oversized, stopping at my thighs. The owner of said shirt was still in bed, snoring away. I smiled, fingertips running over the hickeys that had been left. The tinge of pain brought back memories that made my core clench, my smile widening. I was tempted to walk back over to the bed, wake the male up with sweet kisses and silent begging in my eyes...but I refrained. The primal, erotic magic of Lupercalia was fading with the rise of the sun, and I couldn¡¯t be caught here. I shouldn¡¯t have even participated in Lupercalia to begin with, I had another three months until my 18th birthday, but it was close enough that it was nearly impossible to stop my wolf.


    She looked back at me now in the mirror reflection, gold flecked eyes looking quite satisfied with herself. I couldn¡¯t help but mimic the wolfish grin. No stories or lessons could have ever prepared me for the magic that had flowed through my body, Lupa calling to my wolf to worship her in the most primal of ways. Even now, if I closed my eyes, I could hear her call, her whisper to do it again, before the sun rose completely. I shook my head, opening my eyes quickly to look at myself in the mirror, those gold flecked eyes now looking at a very human reflection. I let out a silent sigh, running a hand through the golden locks of my hair, snagging on tangles and bringing tears to my eyes. I¡¯d fight with it in the shower..at my own packhouse. I was in one of the guest houses, the one that temporarily housed the Evermaw pack. Their alpha heir slept peacefully in the queen sized bed as I walked around the room, picking up my discarded clothes and slipping them on. I debated on stealing his shirt, a playful way to remind him that I had laid claim to him this Lupercalia, but I decided it wasn¡¯t worth the argument I¡¯d no doubt get into with my brother when he saw me carrying a man¡¯s shirt. I folded the shirt neatly, laying it on the dresser beside him, before slipping out of the bedroom.


    I was careful to shut the door silently, the click hardly audible to me, and I crept down the stairs. The newness of the packhouse prevented creaking stairs as I crept my way down to the first floor, then out the front door. Only those too young and too old were inside, meaning I had to dodge five packs worth of prime wolves to return to my own packhouse. While a usually daunting task, the intoxicating magic of Lupercalia made it easy. They¡¯d be too exhausted to move until mid-morning, if any other year gave me a hint. No, sneaking across the field peppered with pack houses wasn¡¯t the hard part, neither was creeping through the forest to get to my house. The hard part was ahead of me. As I approached my house, I slipped around the side, looking up the three stories to my bedroom window. I left it unlocked, I always did, but there was nothing to climb to reach it. The front door was locked, as were the first floor windows. I had a chance of my brother¡¯s window being open, but he was also on the third floor. I couldn¡¯t knock on the door and risk waking up the pups and elders. I¡¯d never hear the end of it, and my father would most certainly get word back that I hadn¡¯t been home last night. I sighed, walking around the large house and trying each window on the first floor anyway. None budged. Hope shot through me when I noticed the second floor bathroom window was open. It was small, I¡¯d barely fit, but I was small too. It was my best chance. It was right above the porch too, giving me a way up.


    Expertly, I climbed onto the railing, scaling one of the support beams and rolling myself onto the roof. I jumped from the roof, grabbing the windowsill and hauling myself through the small window. I was panting by the time I tumbled in, a burning pain coming from my right arm. Looking in the mirror, I cursed softly. I had sliced my arm on the window.


    Walking over to the door, I locked it, and grabbed some toilet paper to hold over the wound. Now, I just had to get upstairs. I had memorized every creaky stair here, and dodged the worst ones. I slipped into my room at the end of the hall, grabbing some clothes and slipping into the third floor bathroom. Immediately, I turned the shower on, letting the hot water fill the room with steam. I had to get the Evermaw scent off of me before anyone noticed. With the water nearly scalding, I stepped under the burning spray, muffling my whine of pain as the water hit my new cut. Quickly, I soaped my body up, scrubbing at my skin until I was red. I then got to work at my hair, lathering shampoo into it, washing it out, then going through the painstaking process of brushing it out with the conditioner. A knock on the door had me startling, but I tried to hide the surprise in my voice.


    ¡°Who is it?¡± I called out, the rip of the brush through my hair making me wince.


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    ¡°Hurry up Chey. I need to piss!¡± My brother¡¯s voice was muffled through the door, and I scowled.


    ¡°Use the other bathroom! I¡¯m showering!¡± I yelled back, trying to muster my usual aggressiveness. I hardly got along with him, and I couldn¡¯t let him know I was trying to hide something here. I prayed he wouldn¡¯t notice the foreign scent lingering in the hall.


    I heard him mutter something, and his footsteps as he trudged down the stairs. I let out a breath, continuing to fight my unruly hair. It¡¯s what I got for last night, but that didn¡¯t mean I couldn¡¯t be frustrated.


    It was at least a half an hour later when I finally stepped out of the bathroom, steam billowing behind me as I walked down the hall to my room. Water still dripped from my hair despite the vigorous scrubbing of my towel, soaking the back of my orange turtle neck shirt. My black leggings clung to my legs, giving me the seductive look I was aiming for. As we said farewell to the other packs, I knew he¡¯d see me, standing with my family at the front of our pack. A part of me wanted him to know who I was, I was well aware of who he was.


    Once I threw the towel in the hamper in my room, I made my way downstairs, my mother already working on breakfast. I was pleasant to her, greeting her a mumbled good morning as I grabbed a piece of toast. I shared her long blonde hair and her petite stature, our noses were identical too, small and round. My eyes though, those were my father¡¯s. I stared into her green eyes, admiring her beauty for a moment before looking out the window. The pack was trudging through the field, coming to the house. I let out a sigh. Hand in hand, my father walked with his mate, the Luna of the pack. As they entered, he didn¡¯t even so much as look at my mother, ignoring her completely as if she was some maid, and gave me the briefest of glances. I looked back at him with a gaze almost daring him to say something. He didn¡¯t, walking to the table where his place was already set with steaming food. His mate sat beside him, looking quite pleased with herself. I only cast her a glare before turning my back to them. I sat at the island counter while they sat at the large table, easily enough space for thirty. Every space was filled within fifteen minutes, and my mother puttered around, keeping the food and coffee coming as the hungry wolves ate. The longer it went on, the more my blood boiled. Hatred filled my chest for the Luna, my father, and my mother. I hated them all, how they acted like this was normal.


    Eighteen years ago my mother was a rogue. Eighteen years ago she got pregnant on Lupercalia with my father. Eighteen years ago she went crawling to him, begging for a place in his pack. He almost denied her¡­but she called upon the law of Heir Claim, stating she carried the Alpha¡¯s heir. She was granted protection until I was born, and when it was proven through scent that I was the Alpha¡¯s first born heir, she stayed under his protection. She was nothing more than a maid now, discarded once my father found his mate. I hated the entire situation. I was a bastard child, tolerated because no one could deny I was my father¡¯s daughter.


    I couldn¡¯t take it anymore, I felt those eyes boring into my back, waiting for my outburst. I wouldn¡¯t give them that satisfaction.


    ¡°Thank you for breakfast mother.¡± I¡¯d say, loud enough that a few tired wolves looked over. I kissed her on the cheek before walking out of the kitchen and up to my room again. I hadn¡¯t verbally acknowledged my father. Anyone else would have been scolded. They were used to me. I made my distaste for them all clear, I had since I was fourteen. It was giving my mother affection that earned me the low growl from my father. I had taken the time to greet who the pack whispered to be the ¡°whore¡±, the lowest of the low in our pack, but not the Alpha or Luna. I ignored the warning, raising my head higher in my infamous disrespect, and walked up the stairs without another word.


    I only showed my face again two hours later, when we gathered to wish the other packs farewell. The holiday was over, school would resume in two days, and the other packs had to get home. I stood in the field, beside my brother, in front of my mother and father. I hated how she was a reminder to everyone that I was a bastard, that she was baggage my father had no choice but to carry. I understood why, he had to take responsibility for impregnating my mother, but it was a constant reminder that I would never be treated normal. I would never be alpha, I couldn¡¯t even be married off to other packs. I was the alpha¡¯s, but I was not the luna¡¯s. I was a mistake.


    I pushed the thought away as one, two, three packs came up, one after the other, the alpha families thanking my father for his hospitality. We hosted Lupercalia this year, the next, it would be one of the others. Big holidays were hosted by the packs to keep peace, but it was always tense. Evermaw was the last, the alpha a looming man with black hair so dark it looked like it absorbed the sun. His son shared that same hair, and those bright blue eyes. Those eyes landed on me, seeming stunned to see me standing there. I gave him a mischievous smile, one that earned me one back. I hardly heard what our fathers said to one another, those eyes had captured me and the rest of the world faded. Heat ran through my body as I remembered what those lips now turned up in a smile, could do. I couldn¡¯t stop the shiver that ran through me, and he winked as he turned to leave with his family. A quick side eye to those around me told me no one had noticed the moment, and I let out a quiet sigh. I was playing a very dangerous game, but so far, I hadn¡¯t been caught.

 Two

    It felt like the world was closing in on me, my chest tightening to the point I couldn¡¯t breathe. It had been a month, why hadn¡¯t I thought about it before? Nausea rose up in me and I fought to keep the bile down. Slowly, I slid down the bathroom stall, sitting on the checkered floor. It was mid-afternoon, right after lunch. I had barely been able to eat at all. My period had been late and my best friend had run out to get me a pregnancy test. It was more of a ¡®cover all your bases¡¯ type of thing, neither of us had expected it to come out positive. My phone was in my hand, the three calls I had sent her all red to indicate she had missed them. She was in class right now, where I should have been, but I couldn¡¯t move. The test was beside me, I couldn¡¯t bare looking at it. The door opened and closed, I tensed up. The lock clicked into place.


    ¡°Hey, Chey?¡± Her voice called out. I moaned out in response and I watched as her black and white converse came into view, stopping at the stall door. I had yet to unlock it. ¡°Why are you on the floor girl? You feeling okay?¡± She¡¯d ask, crouching down and rolling back into a sit. I still couldn¡¯t see her face, but her hand reached under the door. ¡°Talk to me.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t muster the words, I closed my eyes, my head leaning against the stall as I tried to stop the tears. I took her hand in mine, squeezing it tightly as I used my other hand to slide the test under the door. I watched as she reached for it, waited as she looked at it. I waited, and waited, and waited, until-


    ¡°Oh no.¡± Was all she whispered. I sniffled. ¡°Oh Cheyanne¡­what did you do?¡± She¡¯d ask me, scooting closer. I reached up and unlocked the door. It swung out, my tearstained face now looking at my best friend.


    ¡°I fucked up¡­that¡¯s what I did Lex.¡± I managed to say. I was shaking now.


    I was the daughter of the Alpha, I wasn¡¯t even eighteen. A male like my father could get away with it. ¡®Boys will be boys.¡¯ They¡¯d say. Me? They had to watch my stomach grow bigger, month by month. They had to watch as I raised a child, alone. No one could hide it when I found my mate and my child didn¡¯t share his scent. Where a male could get away with it, I wouldn¡¯t be forgiven. I¡¯d be exiled, as pack law demanded. I was¡­just like my mother. That thought crushed me more than anything. I was just like her, I¡¯d be called a whore for the rest of my life. I couldn¡¯t escape this.


    ¡°Well¡­I see that.¡± She¡¯d say, trying to joke. It was an anxiety thing, if we laughed maybe it wouldn¡¯t be so bad. ¡°With who?¡± She finally asked. I knew she hadn¡¯t wanted to, but maybe if it was someone with a bigger family, we could be married off, the secret hidden. I would never be alpha anyway, they¡¯d assume I settled down the best a bastard could. A huff of a laugh left me. I wasn¡¯t even that lucky. The last person I had sex with was on Lupercalia. The father was undeniably the heir to Evermaw, and that was a secret that I couldn¡¯t just hide.


    ¡°Lupercalia.¡± I said.


    ¡°Oh.¡± She replied.


    It was answer enough. They weren¡¯t in our pack. We stayed in the bathroom in silence until the bell rang and girls began to pound on the door. My tears had dried finally. I glanced at Lex and she glanced at me, and she stood first. She reached out a hand and I took it. Standing, she was the one to pick up the test. She was the one to bury it in the trash. She was the one to lead us out of the bathroom. I couldn¡¯t do anything but follow. We walked right out of the school, up to the wall and stopped. We¡¯d skipped class before, we would be noticed but not missed.


    ¡°I can see if I can get some tonic.¡± She offered.


    Abort the baby, before anyone else found out. Tonic had been made illegal when my father took up the Alpha position, but if anyone could get any it would be Lex. I shook my head.


    ¡°If you get caught¡­¡± I didn¡¯t finish the sentence. The last girl to be caught with Tonic had been exiled with a bounty placed over her head if she ever stepped foot back in the territory. She was treated like a murderer.


    ¡°If we don¡¯t try, you¡¯ll be exiled Chey.¡± She said, biting her lip. She brows furrowed in concern and I gave her a weak smile.


    ¡°I won¡¯t have bounty though.¡± I pointed out. While either option risked exile, my option wouldn¡¯t mean death if I tried to come home at some point. ¡°This is my problem, Lex. I can¡¯t drag you into this any more than I have.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be stupid, Chey. It''s only a risk and since when have I ever been caught? I don¡¯t want to graduate without you.¡±


    ¡°You know my dad has those catfish leads out. Even you don¡¯t stand a chance.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to graduate without you.¡± She¡¯d say again, tears starting to spring to her eyes.


    ¡°Don¡¯t cry¡­you¡¯re gonna make me start.¡± I¡¯d whisper, moving to hug her.


    She met me midway with the hug, our arms pulling each other closer as we cried silently together. There really wasn¡¯t any way out of this if I didn¡¯t get the Tonic, but I couldn¡¯t bring myself to risk a bounty, on myself or Lex.


    ¡°Hey¡­Graduate for me, okay?¡± I¡¯d murmur in her ear, my chin on her shoulder.


    ¡°Don¡¯t¡­don¡¯t say that. We¡¯ll fix this¡­maybe¡­maybe we can convince one of the guys here to act like the father¡­who wouldn¡¯t want to be with you?¡± She¡¯d ask, desperately trying to find a way. ¡°I can name a dozen guys.¡±


    I laughed through the tears, squeezing her tighter. ¡°No one would risk my dad¡¯s anger.¡± I¡¯d tell her.


    Sinking down to sit in the grass, I laid my head on her shoulder, my hand in hers as we began to reminisce about our lives up to this part. The warmth from her beside me kept the chilly March breeze at bay. Spring was on the way, but the chill of winter was still in the air. Her head rested against mine as we talked, and talked, and talked. Laughing about the chaos we caused, crying knowing it would soon end. We mused about who we could potentially rope into our newest plot, and I tried to keep the looming feeling at bay in my chest. We wouldn¡¯t get a chance to ask anyone, not seriously. My father would know within a week. I¡¯d be exiled in a week¡­ I¡¯d never graduate, I¡¯d never see Lex graduate. Life would go on, the pack would act as if I never existed¡­ I choked back a sob.


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    I lost track of time, but it had to have been hours, because the bell rang to signal the end of school. With a deep sigh, we stood up. I stayed outside as Lex snuck back in, and moments later she was back with our bags. I gave her a bright smile, trying to act as normal as possible despite the redness in my eyes. Tossing me my bag, I barely got a strap around my shoulder when she threw her arm around it, pulling me close again.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go get ice cream. My treat.¡± She¡¯d say, steering me down the sidewalk. I didn¡¯t argue or resist. Ice cream sounded good, despite the chill in the air. Anything was better than facing my family right now. I knew it was only a matter of time before the Luna caught my scent, before my mother did¡­before my father did. They¡¯d demand to know who, and I had already decided they¡¯d never know. I wouldn¡¯t be like my mother any more than this. I wouldn¡¯t go crawling to Evermaw for safety. I¡¯d handle this on my own. I didn¡¯t need to beg an alpha for help, I was an alpha heir myself. I could survive just fine. Besides, there had always been talk about a rogue village deep in the forest, by the Evermaw and Silvervine borders. If I could find my way there, I¡¯d have a home to raise my child. Even if they didn¡¯t accept me because of my alpha blood, at least I¡¯d have somewhere. No wolf could survive alone, we needed a pack, even if it was dysfunctional.


    As we entered the small diner, I saw others from our class. No one paid us much mind, but as my eyes wandered over each of them, I knew they¡¯d be whispering about me every chance they got when I was gone. I¡¯d be the newest gossip, whispers that they knew this would happen around every corner. That it should have been expected due to who my mother was. Anger flared in my veins but I let it go with a sigh. I wasn¡¯t my mother, I wouldn¡¯t go to the father of my child, begging to be taken in. I would never stoop so low.


    ¡°Chey!¡± Lex whispered, nudging me. I had zoned out and was being handed a caramel sundae. I nodded my thanks and took it, following my best friend to a corner booth. We ate in silence, unsure of what to say. Would this be the last time we got to hang out? Would these be our last words to one another? I could see Lex debating on saying something, going as far as to open her mouth before closing it again. Probably trying to think of a way to get me out of this. I couldn¡¯t let her risk her place in the pack. Her father was my father¡¯s Beta. She was too high of a rank to risk her position here.


    ¡°Just stop, Lex.¡± I muttered, not wanting anyone to overhear us.


    ¡°I can¡¯t just stop. You¡¯re my best friend and I love you.¡± She¡¯d say, looking at me with those sad blue eyes of hers. ¡°We have some time still. We can figure it out-¡±


    I cut her off. ¡°No. We don¡¯t have time. We¡¯re out of time.¡± I fought back the tears that threatened to spill again. ¡°For all we know, when I get home they¡¯ll know. There¡¯s no getting out of this. I fucked up, that¡¯s all there is to it.¡±


    I had come to terms with it unusually quickly. Maybe it was the determination I had to not follow in my mother¡¯s footsteps. She had panicked, gone to my father. I wouldn¡¯t panic, I had better sense than that. I was my father¡¯s daughter after all, and his cold, calculating mind was my own. I would have made a damn good alpha, had he not found his mate and had a child with her.


    ¡°No¡­no no no. Chey you can¡¯t just accept this!¡± She whispered a little too loud. I felt attention shift over to us. My throat burned from the cold as I finished my ice cream and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the booth and out of the diner. The little bell jingled as the door shut behind us. I still didn¡¯t slow my gait until we were a block away, and I had looked back to make sure no one had followed us.


    ¡°I have no choice, Lex. I won¡¯t be like my mother and panic. I have to stay calm about this.¡±


    She didn¡¯t look convinced, and I sighed, letting go of her wrist and turning to face her.


    ¡°I got myself pregnant. Obviously, its not by one of the guys in our pack. I can¡¯t marry this away. And I can¡¯t go to the father.¡± She was the one to interrupt me this time.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you? His wolf would want to protect its pup. You¡¯d be safe there.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t be like my mother. I won¡¯t go slinking to the father and beg for a place in his pack, hoping he won¡¯t find his mate. I won¡¯t be pushed to the side when he does find his mate either. My child will not grow up like I did. You hear it as much as I do. The whispers of ¡®bastard¡¯ when I walk by. I pretend it doesn¡¯t affect me but it''s hell. I won¡¯t make my child grow up like that. I¡¯d rather accept being a rogue and raise them on my own.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve heard how the rogues are though. Their female¡¯s are breeding bitches, popping out pup after pup for their armies. That¡¯s no way to live either.¡±


    She made a point, but I shook my head.


    ¡°The rogue pack between Evermaw and Silvervine has been dormant for years. They¡¯re going peaceful. I could build myself a life there.¡± I explained to her the start of my plan, but she didn¡¯t seem satisfied.


    ¡°What about the pack link? That¡¯ll shatter when you¡¯re exiled. You won¡¯t¡­you won¡¯t have a pack anymore. Not really.¡± I knew what she meant, those hidden words. I¡¯d go insane.


    ¡°I¡¯ll figure it out.¡± I said, trying to reassure her.


    ¡°Let me go with you.¡± She said suddenly. My eyes widened in alarm.


    ¡°Absolutely not. You have a life here, you¡¯re going to be Beta after your father. You can¡¯t give that up for me.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re my Alpha, not your brother. You¡¯re first born, the title is yours¡­my loyalty is yours.¡± The look in her eyes was so serious, tears began to leak from my own.


    ¡°Lex¡­I love you. You know that¡­but that¡¯s not how pack law works¡­You¡¯ll make an amazing Beta for my brother¡­but the title of Alpha isn¡¯t mine to take anymore.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. I¡¯d rather follow you into the unknown then serve your brother, knowing you¡¯re out there raising a baby on your own.¡± Tears were streaming down her face again too, and I pulled her into a hug.


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t have asked for a better friend.¡± I¡¯d cry out, burying my face in her shoulder. She truly was the best friend I could have ever gotten, and not living the rest of my life with her by my side would be complete agony. The rest of the pack could be in shambles and she¡¯d be the only one I¡¯d look for. I didn¡¯t know how I¡¯d manage this without her.

 Three

    My eyes were still red as I walked into the pack house. The scent of my father was old, he was somewhere else in the territory. I was thankful for that, but that left my mother and the Luna I had to deal with. My brother was still at football practice, thank the Moon. If this went badly, I didn¡¯t need him here. I didn¡¯t hate him as much as the rest of my family, I didn¡¯t want him caught up in the drama that was sure to crash down on me soon.


    From the sound of the water being run in the kitchen, my mother was cooking in there. That left me to assume the Luna was either in her library reading or in the garden tending to her flowers. Slipping by the kitchen, I heard my mother call out a greeting, which I ignored and rushed upstairs. When would my scent change? Who would be the first one to point it out? Anxiety gripped at my chest as I walked into my bedroom, closing the door and locking it. I closed my window, finally, and looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn¡¯t even eighteen yet. I hadn¡¯t shifted, hadn¡¯t met my wolf. Would I be able to shift for my first time when I turned eighteen since I was pregnant? How did shifting affect a baby? It wasn¡¯t like I could ask my mother, she¡¯d know immediately. She liked to draw comparisons between me and her.


    In front of my mirror, I lifted my shirt, exposing my belly. I was as flat as ever, but I couldn¡¯t help turning to the side, looking at my reflection, eyes glued to my stomach. When would that bump start? Would it be easy to notice since I was so thin? My hand ran over the smooth skin, imagining the slight rise. I had a baby growing in me. The idea made me sick. I felt the nausea rising and I barely managed to unlock my door and dart into the bathroom. The door had slammed shut when I started to vomit into the toilet.


    Panting for breath, I rested my head against the toilet seat, eyes closed. If just my nerves made me this sick, I wasn¡¯t looking forward to later on in the pregnancy. Groaning, I sat up, wiping away the tears and flushing the toilet. Standing, I washed my mouth out in the sink and trudged my way back to my room. Before the door to my bedroom closed, I heard my father¡¯s voice rumble through the house. He was home. Great. I shut my door, sitting on my bed and staring out the window. It was crashing down on me again, now that I didn¡¯t have to convince Lex to not do something stupid that would risk her future, it really sank in. I was pregnant at seventeen with a rival pack¡¯s child. My head swam and I closed my eyes, trying to fight the growing dizziness. Only my best friend knew so far, but that would quickly change. Within the week I¡¯d be a rogue.


    Strangely enough, my mind wandered to my mother. Would she be okay without me here? She wasn¡¯t the Alpha¡¯s mate, she had been demoted the moment he found his Fated, but she had been permitted to stay in the packhouse because, like it or not, bastard or not, I was the Alpha¡¯s daughter. I gave my mother the safety of the pack, without me here, she was nothing. A rogue playing the part of a packmate. I knew she didn¡¯t have the pack link, I didn¡¯t feel her wolf at all. She had never really been accepted, never really been a part of this pack. She seemed content though, happy even. She had told me stories of her pack, how they wandered the mountains month after month, how the winters had been cruel and starvation a constant worry, Of course she had jumped at the chance into a pack. She wasn¡¯t mentally strong, not like I was. She tiptoed around my father¡¯s temper, made herself useful to the Luna, would that be enough for her to remain, or would she be chased out of the pack alongside me? I hoped not. Not for her sake, as horrible as that made me, but because I didn¡¯t want to have to deal with her constant input. She¡¯d be hovering, always there to do what she could, and while in theory that seemed like a good thing for a new mother, I knew my temper wouldn¡¯t be able to handle it. As far as I was concerned, my mother had failed at raising me. I didn¡¯t want her influence to rub off on my pup.


    My pup¡­This was really happening. It was hard to wrap my head around, hard to believe. I hadn¡¯t actually thought I could be pregnant. Sure, the magic of Lupercalia was strong and made the female¡¯s fertile. Everyone knew that from the classes we had, but I hadn¡¯t even shifted. My wolf hadn¡¯t been released yet. I didn¡¯t think the magic would work on me. I really was a stupid kid at times, this entire situation proved it. My knowledge was limited, I only had what school had taught me, and that was painfully little. Pulling my legs onto the bed with me, I fell over on to my side, staring at the wall. How many hours did I have left? Would I even be able to find the rogue pack? I only knew it was somewhere around Evermaw and Silvervine¡­both far to the north. I¡¯d have to traverse the wasteland first.


    A cold shiver ran through me at that thought. I hadn¡¯t even thought of that until now. Long ago, Evermaw, Silvervine, and Scarletfang had been one pack, torn apart from the inside by triplet alpha brothers. It had been several generations ago, and the wastelands were a vast expanse of plains. They weren¡¯t truly barren, but the bodies from the war had never been buried, never burned. They were left to rot, taken by the earth, but the remains were still there, some buried by time, others exposed to the elements. Few wolves dared to traverse the land, believing it was haunted by their spirits. I didn¡¯t believe in spirits, but the plains stretched on for miles upon miles, and were easy to get turned around in. I could go in circles for days without realizing it. Not to mention if I strayed too far in any direction, I could encroach on other pack territories. Ironridge was to the west, and while they were a peaceful pack, they didn¡¯t tolerate rogues. Too far north and I¡¯d end up in Evermaw, definitely not where I wanted to be while I carried an Evermaw pup. Silvervine was farther east, and infamous for their rogue population. They were pushovers, but the rogues were what I worried about. The only pack I didn¡¯t have to be careful of were Scarletfang, they laid beyond Evermaw so as long as I steered clear of them, I wouldn¡¯t have to even think of the other pack.


    I could plan out my path if I went to my father¡¯s study, he had a map hanging on the wall, but he kept the door locked unless he was inside. I could always use my lunch to study the map in geography class, but that would be forfeiting time I could be spending with Lex. I let out a sigh, rolling over and staring at my ceiling. Life was about to get much more complicated, and I wasn¡¯t sure that I would be ready in time. I would only get to take what was on my person when I was exiled, should I start carrying a bag around? No, they¡¯d get suspicious¡­but I should pack one. If anything, I was sure my mother would grab a bag for me as I was marched out to the pack center. It was preparation at best, wishful thinking at worst.


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    For now, it was something to do. Getting up, I glanced at myself once more, before walking to my closet and pulling out an old backpack. Unzipping it, I grabbed a couple pairs of clothes, a sweatshirt, and I tossed in the stuffed animal my mother had sewed me herself when I was a baby. It was a sentimental item I decided right then that I wanted to pass down to my pup when I had them. I paused, taking a moment to dwell on that thought. I had accepted it, already made plans for my future child, and I had barely learned I was pregnant. That was just this afternoon? It felt like forever ago. Surreal, that''s what all this was. I sighed, shaking my head as I walked over to my closet and shoved the bag in the back. There, that was ready for whenever I needed it. I glanced over at the pictures thumb tacked to my wall. I wanted them, but it would be suspicious if I took them now. I shook my head, finally sitting down at my desk. Was it even worth it, to start on homework? I wouldn¡¯t be graduating anyway, so why even try? And yet, what else was there to do? I couldn¡¯t sit here, staring at my wall all night, and I had to act like everything was fine right now. I wasn¡¯t ready to be on my own, not yet. I needed to prepare more, at least get a picture of that map tomorrow to figure out how I¡¯d even get to the rogue pack.


    I unzipped my back, pulling out the textbooks and notebooks and scattering them about my desk. Work that would usually leave me in tears out of boredom now sat before me like a lifeline, the final sense of normalcy I¡¯d have. Just yesterday, I had been doing the very same work, not having a clue that tomorrow would change everything. Now, I sat here with bated breath, waiting for everything to come crashing down on me. Actions had consequences and mine would soon come. I had a feeling the Luna would be the one to scent me first. Mother may, but she wouldn¡¯t say anything. The Luna though, she¡¯d mention something to my father. She valued honesty beyond anything else, and while she never meant any harm, she¡¯d have no clue this pup would be from another pack. She¡¯d think she was spilling good news, a chance of me getting a husband and having a family, being accepted into the pack a little more. As a bastard child, that was the best I could hope for. She¡¯d think she was helping me. I could almost see her face now, the horror as I was exiled, knowing she had done that. She was a pure soul, I almost felt sorry for her to be mated to my father. Almost. That resentment of her entering my life kept that from being full sorrow. Before her, before my brother, I would have been Alpha. The sting of that being ripped from me was still there, still buried. I had a lot to work on with myself, if I wanted my pup to have a healthy life.


    A knock on my door had me jolting from my thoughts. Swallowing down the sudden fear, I tried to calm myself. I didn¡¯t need anyone scenting the fear on me, that would raise suspicion. Trying to fill my mind with good memories, and balling my hands into fists to hide the shaking, I opened my door.


    ¡°What.¡± I¡¯d snap, trying to muster my usual attitude. I stared at my brother, his smile the same one I shared, wide and almost haunting. I hated it, I had stared at it for hours in the mirror before, trying to make it smaller, petite like my mother¡¯s. Staring at it on my brother¡¯s face, it fit him. I stared at him maybe a moment too long, trying to memorize his face. I wouldn¡¯t see it again soon.


    ¡°You good? No, ¡®oh. You.¡¯ or anything? You and Alex get into a fight?¡± He¡¯d ask. I hated his observance. Like his mother, he was always watching others, studying them. It was a good trait for an Alpha, you found the snakes in your pack that way. I just hoped he wouldn¡¯t see right through me.


    ¡°Something like that. What do you want.¡± I¡¯d deadpan, mustering the annoyance as I leaned against my door frame, my body blocking the way into my room, as I usually did. It became habit when you had a toddler barging into your room. He was hardly that now, a freshman in highschool and taller than me, but I¡¯d always consider him a baby. He was so sheltered compared to me, and not for the first time I wondered if he¡¯d survive the upbringing I had. I didn¡¯t think so, he held that airheaded demeanor like his mother.


    ¡°Dinner¡¯s ready. Tanya asked me to get you.¡± He said, starting to head to the stairs again.


    Tanya. My mother. He had the respect for her to name her, respect I lacked for his mother.


    ¡°¡®Kay.¡± I said, letting my door close as I retreated a step into my room. I¡¯d head down in about fifteen minutes, long after the others started to eat. Just my usual outright rebellion towards my father, letting him know I hated everything about this family. I didn¡¯t want to right now, moon above I found that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my mother, but I had to make sure no one saw something amiss. If I acted like I never knew, maybe I¡¯d have a chance to say goodbye to the people I loved before I was escorted from the territory.


    I watched the clock on my nightstand like a hawk. Exactly fifteen minutes later, I walked out of my room, walking down those creaky stairs and into the kitchen. I didn¡¯t say a word as I sat in my spot, between my mother and my brother, and started on the plate that had been left in my spot. I wasn¡¯t greeted, and I didn¡¯t bother to greet anyone either. Silence rang through the room, tension putting me on edge. Did the Luna look at me for a moment longer than usual? Was that a side eye from my mother? I shook the anxious feelings away, focusing on my food and hoping I¡¯d get through this next week without going insane

 Four

    Three days. It had been three days of acting normal, three days of hoping my scent didn¡¯t suddenly change. The morning sickness started this morning, I had spent fifteen minutes over the toilet, heaving up the dinner from the night before. Wiping tears from my eyes and stumbling into my room. I groaned, fighting the nausea again and shutting the door. I began to pull clothes out of my dresser, throwing on some leggings and a gray long sleeved shirt. Everything was on autopilot recently. I didn¡¯t dare interact with the pack, hiding in my room more than usual. I hadn¡¯t been to Lex¡¯s house since we found out, I was terrified her mother would scent a change too. I didn¡¯t feel safe in the pack, everywhere I went I felt eyes on me. It truly felt like I was going insane.


    Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I headed out, snagging a piece of toast on my way out the door. I didn¡¯t know if I could even stomach that, but the lavish breakfast my mother had made was making me sick. Too many smells mixing together, too much all at once.


    I stumbled out the front door, nearly running in to Lex. She caught me, a half smile on her face as she helped me stay on my feet. ¡°You okay there Chey?¡± She¡¯d ask, obviously amused at me almost falling on my face.


    ¡°Morning sickness.¡± I gasped out, taking her hand and leading her away from the packhouse. The breakfast smells were coming out from the windows.


    ¡°Rough.¡± She¡¯d say, walking next to me now. ¡°Can I get you anything?¡± She¡¯d ask, that amusement leaving her voice as she noticed my pale face.


    ¡°No¡­I¡¯ll be fine.¡± I said, smiling through a wave of nausea. It appeared as more of a grimace, earning me an eye roll.


    ¡°Don¡¯t push yourself.¡± Lex told me, and I flashed her a small smile.


    ¡°I won¡¯t have a choice soon to do anything but push myself.¡± I reminded her. I¡¯d have to get used to this, learn how to control the sickness and fatigue.


    The brick building of the school came into view far too soon. I still held the piece of toast in my hand, not able to get the courage to take a bite in fear I¡¯d be sick again. I caught the worried look Lex gave me before she switched it to her playful smile in a blink. It hurt to see her so worried.


    School, surprisingly, went by in a flash. I managed to eat some bread at lunch, but we had to go outside because the lunch room made me sick again. That was the only incident, thankfully. As we walked out of the school, Lex took my hand and pulled me off down the sidewalk, away from our usual route home.


    ¡°Where are we going?¡± I asked, following along without much resistance. I trusted Lex, she just confused me sometimes.


    ¡°The long way home.¡±


    That meant we¡¯d be heading for the river, a private place to talk with the rushing water drowning out our voices. I assumed it would be about my pregnancy, so I fell silent and let her lead the way. At most we¡¯d run into a patrol, but they wouldn¡¯t bother us. We would be well inside pack territory, and thus safe.


    The sun filtered through the trees as we trudged our way through the forest, branches snapping under our feet. The river rushed ahead, the roar already drowning out my thoughts. Anxiety began to creep into my chest as we got to our rock. We abandoned our bags on the bank, climbing up the rock and sitting down. Sunlight landed on us, the rock already warm. We were silent for a few minutes, listening to the land around us. Casting our minds out down the pack line, we determined there was no one around us.


    I looked over at Lex, waiting for her to start talking. She seemed deep in thought, those forest green eyes of hers staring listlessly at the rushing water below. A gentle breeze rustled her short ginger hair. It was getting longer, I noted. Almost to her chin. She¡¯d cut it soon, she hated long hair. The sun reflected off her freckles, turning them a gentle brown. She was beautiful, and if it wasn¡¯t for her rebellious nature, boys would be lining up to get with her. Her mate would have their hands full, when she found them. I was certain her wolf would be breathtaking. A pang of sorrow ran through my chest. I¡¯d never see her shift. Our dreams of racing through the forest, a tail of males behind us, would never be. All because I decided to listen to my wolf and participate in Lupercalia. My nails dug into the palm of my hand and I found myself fighting back my tears. I didn¡¯t want to leave my life behind, leave my friends and family behind. I made a stupid mistake, why couldn¡¯t my father understand that? I knew he wouldn¡¯t, but I wish he would. I wanted to grow up here, among those I loved. Why was that so bad?


    A soft hand covered mine, and I glanced up quickly. I met Lex¡¯s green eyes, sparkling with her own tears.


    ¡°I love you, Chey.¡±


    My lip wobbled, and I felt the hot tears start to slide down my face.


    ¡°I love you too, Lex. More than you could ever know..¡±


    ¡°No¡­No Chey I really¡­.I really love you.¡±


    I gave a small smile, trying to push past the tears. ¡°I really love you. You¡¯ve always been there for me, you¡¯ve always been by my side. I wouldn¡¯t be here without you¡­¡± I trailed off.


    My chest hurt, every breath hard to catch. There was this massive pressure on me, the world starting to close in on me. I was terrified¡­


    ¡°Chey¡­¡± Lex started, hesitating.


    I watched the tears roll down her face, and then she pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. Her breath tickled my ear, the shudder in her breath easy to catch. It only broke my heart more.


    ¡°Yeah Lex?¡± my own breath was hitching, my voice wobbling.


    ¡°It changed..¡± It was such a soft whisper, I would have missed it had she not been speaking right into my ear.


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    It took me a moment to process. I almost asked her what she was talking about, but it registered a moment later. *It* changed. My scent. I wouldn¡¯t be able to hide it when I got home.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    I didn¡¯t know what else to say. What else was there to say? We both knew what that meant, and it explained why she had brought me out here, to our spot. One last time, one more memory, before life went to shit.


    ¡°When?¡± I asked, almost afraid to ask.


    I needed to know though, it was a burning curiosity. Who else knew, if it had changed. Who had been whispering behind my back that I was a whore? They were inevitable, but how long had they gone on without me knowing?


    ¡°Last period.¡± She answered me, her embrace only growing tighter.


    I realized she was shaking, or was that me? I couldn¡¯t tell. It was over, our little secret was out. My secret, that I had made Lex carry too. The trouble she would be in if they knew she had known before it was noticeable. My father¡¯s rage would barely be constrained by her father. She was damn lucky she was the Beta¡¯s heir, else nothing would stop my father from punishing her as well, potentially banishing her too.


    ¡°It''s over¡­¡± I muttered.


    ¡°What if¡­what if we ran away?¡± She¡¯d ask, suddenly pulling away from me.


    She held onto my shoulders, her fingers digging into my arms. I didn¡¯t wince, even though I knew she¡¯d leave bruises.


    ¡°We went over this Lex¡­¡± I¡¯d start again, about to remind her that she had a life here, a future she couldn¡¯t abandon.


    ¡°No¡­No I know all that¡­but¡­what if?¡± She was desperately trying to find a way out of this, for both of us to stay together.


    ¡°We have nowhere to go.¡± I¡¯d counter, playing along to her what if for the time being.


    ¡°We could go to the rogue pack together. Or¡­or to the father.¡± She flinched at the way my eyes flickered with anger.


    ¡°Absolutely not. He doesn¡¯t get to know.¡± I stated, my stubbornness showing as I met her gaze. I could see the desperation within them. My own gaze softened with my sigh.


    ¡°What if he wants a pup? What if he can look past the fact you''re a bastard to another pack¡¯s alpha? What if he¡¯d be overjoyed to have a little one with you? What if he was your Mate?¡± She continued on her train of thought, her voice gaining the desperation in her eyes.


    I shook my head, my arms reaching up to hold hers.


    ¡°What if he realized I was a mistake? What if we aren¡¯t Mates?¡± The silence rang between us. She knew what I had left unsaid. What if he was like my father? Resenting the pup and me?


    Her gaze finally broke away from mine, looking down at the stone between us.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to lose you Chey¡­¡± She finally mumbled.


    I dragged her into another hug.


    ¡°I know¡­¡±


    I regretted everything, every choice that had been made up to this point. I wish I had never left the house on Lupercalia. I wish I hadn¡¯t socialized with the other packs. I wish I had never slept with Fleur. If I had known any of this would have happened¡­I would have holed myself in my room and drowned out the night with music blaring. Or a movie night with Lex, volume on full blast. Anything other than what had happened. The confidence I had before, the determination I had to weather whatever storm would come my way, was suddenly evaporating. I was terrified, now that I couldn¡¯t hide it any longer.


    There was no use in regretting my life choices now. I couldn¡¯t do anything to change them. Silence descended upon us, our tears falling quietly as we embraced one another. At some point, we had fallen back onto the rock. Lex held me, my head on her shoulder as she ran her hand through my hair. It was a motion that usually relaxed me, but it only hurt my heart more. I wouldn¡¯t get these moments with her ever again. This was going to be the last time¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Lex..¡± I finally managed to mutter.


    I stared up at the leaves, sunlight filtering through. It was beautiful, peaceful. If I could stay here, in this moment with Lex, forever¡­I would.


    ¡°I know¡­I¡¯m sorry too¡­I wish I could have helped you¡­¡± She muttered back.


    ¡°It''s not your fault Lex..¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m your best friend¡­I should have been able to help you more.¡±


    I could feel the guilt radiating off of her, so similar to my own. This wasn¡¯t her fault though, not at all. I had told her not to search for Tonic, not to tell anyone, not to find someone who¡¯d lie about being the father, not to come with me. Every solution, every offer to do something, I had stopped. This was far from her fault, she had no faults in this.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t let you. You tried and I wouldn¡¯t let you do anything. You¡¯ve been¡­more proactive than I have been. I just accepted it¡­you actually tried to think of ways to help me. I couldn¡¯t ask for a better friend.¡±


    I felt her body shake as she cried, and I rolled to wrap an arm around her. I knew the embrace wasn¡¯t much, but It was all I had to offer. Holding her as she held me, we were a tangle of limbs, crying silently together, scents and sounds drowned out by the river. We stayed like that for hours

 Five

    She held my hand all the way up to her house. That¡¯s where I dropped her off. I couldn¡¯t let her follow me any farther. My father¡¯s rage was mine to endure, I couldn¡¯t risk her well being and her position in the pack. The more we acted like she didn¡¯t know, the better. I could at least keep my best friend safe. I could tell she didn¡¯t agree with my logic, she didn¡¯t have to say anything, I felt the way her eyes burned holes in my back. I didn¡¯t dare look back. She could read me like a book, and she¡¯d see how terrified I was.


    I had been lucky up to this point, the pack was busy and not hanging around my house. As I approached the three story house, I could see my mother¡¯s outline in the window, as usual she was in the kitchen, preparing me and my brother an after school snack most likely. Its what she did every day¡­such a normal activity. I hesitated at the door, my hand hovering over the door handle. What if I ran away? A self appointed exile? It would be less humiliating. Suddenly, that¡¯s exactly what I wanted to do¡­why hadn¡¯t I brought my bag downstairs, hidden it somewhere outside? Stupid, I had been so stupid. Would it be too hard now, to rush to my room, snatch my bag and rush down stairs again? My mother would scent me but only after I managed to get to my room. The food would overpower my scent for a little bit at least¡­yes, that was the best thing to do. Run away without the public humiliation.


    Nodding to myself, my hand finally wrapped around the handle, but a growl behind me stopped me in my tracks.


    ¡°Cheyanne.¡± The voice rumbled behind me.


    Every hair on my body stood at attention, fear gripping my heart. My father was directly behind me, easily close enough to scent me. It was likely he had followed my scent here, even.


    ¡°Father I-¡± I began, but his hand wrapped around the nape of my neck.


    I froze, paralyzed by his grip. Was it funny to think this was probably only the fifth time he touched me in my life? Never with love, always with discipline. I had grown to fear my fathers touch, and him holding me like this caused me to start shaking. I had hesitated too long, I should have entered the house faster.


    ¡°You have a lot of explaining to do.¡± He''d growl. ¡°Brycen, open the door.¡±


    Great, my brother was here too. My mouth was dry, and my tongue darted over my lips. If I had my wolf, maybe I could have shifted and ran¡­could I even shift with a baby inside of me? Would it harm the development? I didn¡¯t have a clue, no one had ever explained it to me, because I didn¡¯t have any need to know. That was something you would learn later on, sure we had sex ed, but not for the shifting part. We didn¡¯t learn anything about shifting until we got our wolves at eighteen.


    I couldn¡¯t even turn my head to watch my brother, but he came into view. He didn¡¯t even look at me, didn¡¯t even dare a glance. He opened the door, and we entered. I was practically dragged in. The luna was already standing by the office door, she must have been reading in the study. Mother seemed perplexed, her greeting smile dying on her face as she saw my father and I.


    I was roughly tossed into the center of the room, and I looked at my mother, eyes full of uncertainty. Was this how she felt when she learned she was pregnant with me? No, she was already a rogue. She had nothing left to lose, only something to gain.


    ¡°Cheyanne..?¡± My mother¡¯s voice was musical, even when she was hesitant and worried.


    ¡°Shut up, bitch. Speak, Cheyanne.¡± My father would snap at my mother, then focus back on me.


    ¡°I-¡± I¡¯d start, words hard to find.


    I had practiced what I¡¯d say over and over on my way home, why was it suddenly so hard to remember the script I had planned?


    ¡°Why the fuck do you smell pregnant?¡± He¡¯d growl, those eyes that I shared with him taking on a wolfish gleam.


    I swallowed down my fear, feeling myself shrink down under that gaze.


    ¡°Honey¡­¡± The luna would start, taking a few steps towards my father and I.


    ¡°Don¡¯t.¡± He¡¯d growl, gaze sliding to his luna. ¡°I took care of you, claimed you as mine and raised you as such, even with your ungratefulness. And *this* is how you repay me? By getting knocked up by some wolf?¡± He¡¯d growl, taking a step towards me.


    His skin rippled, fur moving underneath as it prepared to sprout through. While I found it mesmerizing normally, it made my anxiety spike. A wolf was a dangerous creature when angry.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean-¡± I¡¯d start, my voice sounding pathetically quiet.


    ¡°What? You didn¡¯t mean *what*, Cheyanne? Didn¡¯t mean to get knocked up? Didn¡¯t mean to disrespect me?¡± He¡¯d laugh. ¡°I find that hard to believe. Every step of the way you have gone out of your way to show me disrespect. Who the fuck is the father.¡±


    I could barely get a word out, and I saw my mother take a hesitant step towards me. I risked her own wellbeing now, without me she had no place in the pack. I needed her to stay out of this.


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    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to get pregnant!¡± I¡¯d say, voice taking on a desperate hint. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean for this to happen!¡±


    ¡°Stupid girl, what did you think would happen? Hm? That you¡¯re somehow special? Exempt from the rules of nature?¡± He¡¯d ask, almost sounding like he was taunting me.


    I supposed I deserved it, what had I thought would happen? No protection during a fertility holiday, of course this was likely to happen. I was silent, my gaze falling to the floor. He was right, I was stupid to think I was exempt from the laws of nature.


    ¡°Now, I¡¯ll ask you one more time. Who. Is. The. Father?¡± He pronounced each word, as if I was slow. ¡°If you have any sense at all, we can hide this incident.¡±


    I didn¡¯t dare look up at him, for fear the answer would show in my eyes.


    ¡°Cheyanne.¡± He¡¯d growl again, taking a menacing step towards me.


    ¡°I won¡¯t tell you.¡± I¡¯d say, refusing to meet his gaze.


    I heard him kneel down, his rough, calloused hand grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. My gaze held defiance, I couldn¡¯t tell him. It wasn¡¯t even my reputation I cared about now, but if the Evermaw Alpha found out, I feared what would happen to his heir. We were stupid kids but I couldn¡¯t go crawling to an alpha heir and ruin his entire life. My life was doomed from the start, I refused to allow my pup to grow up in the hell I did.


    ¡°Why. Not?¡± His grip tightened on my chin and I winced.


    ¡°Dad¡­¡± Brycen would speak, sounding uncertain.


    He had seen me get in trouble and punished before, but not for something as major as this.


    ¡°Brycen, either stay silent or go to your room.¡± His voice wasn¡¯t as much of a growl towards him, but it was still sharp.


    Brycen didn¡¯t move, but he went quiet.


    ¡°I¡¯m not my mother.¡± I¡¯d say, trying to muster my regular defiance.


    Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother shrink back a little. That had hurt her, and I hadn¡¯t meant to do it, but it was true. I wasn¡¯t her. I wouldn¡¯t go begging for help. He let go of my chin, and I fell back.


    ¡°You want to be a smartass? Fine. Get out.¡± He¡¯d spit, stepping to the side to make the way to the door open for me.


    ¡°My love¡­she¡¯s only seventeen.¡± The luna would speak up, seeming worried.


    ¡°She¡¯s old enough to make this choice, she¡¯ll take the consequences.¡± He¡¯d answer her.


    ¡°Can I take some things?¡± I¡¯d ask, looking up at him.


    ¡°Out of *my* pack?¡± He¡¯d ask.


    He had already disowned me it seemed. I went to try and push for my things, but staring at his hateful gaze, I let the question die.


    Slowly, I stood up, fighting the tears that brimmed in my eyes. I was tougher than this, he had raised me to be tough. Raising my head up high, I made a step towards the door. Brycen took off upstairs, and I assumed tears were starting to fall. He had looked up to me. Moons I was the worst sister, wasn''t I? I hadn''t given him the time of day, as if it was his fault my mother was nothing in the eyes of our father. It had never been his fault, but I had been so cold. So hateful.


    The door was opened for me, and I walked out of the house without another glance towards my father or mother. What I came face to face towards was the entire pack. They had been summoned through the pack link. What I had almost hoped to be a quick and silent exile turned out to be anything but. He was making it indisputable. It was easy to pick out the flaming red hair of Lex, and as my gaze centered on her face, I saw the sunlight reflecting off of the tear stains. Her mother held her close to her side, rubbing her arm. They were like my second family, and I could see the tears falling down Lex''s mother''s face too.


    My gait faultered, but a rough shove had me moving again. My father was right behind me. I hadn''t even heard him follow. I heard the others though, the soft steps of my mother and the Luna. I could feel the uncertainty of the pack, how they feared their Alpha''s anger but disagreed with this display before them. Our natural instinct was to protect our young, his aggression towards me made others want to step in. I heard the whisps of silent conversations going on around me, the link strong with the pack congregated.


    ¡°What''s going on? Why were we called together?¡±


    ¡°What did the bastard do this time?¡±


    ¡°Is it really necessary to humiliate her? She''s only a child.¡±


    Those at the front caught my scent first, their reactions a mix of surprise, shock, and disapproval. Some started to look towards their sons, questions in their gaze. I could see a few of the boys shake their heads no.


    ¡°I know there are many questions.¡± My father would begin, standing on the little hill outside of the house. He looked down at the pack, but I felt his gaze slide to me. I lowered my head. ¡°Most will not be answered. My insolent daughter here has committed the utmost disrespect to my name, and further sullies her own reputation with her stubborn pride.¡±


    I had to bite back a retort that jumped to my mind. Old habits die hard it seemed, and this was no different.


    ¡°She''s gotten herself pregnant, over Lupercalia if the timeline is correct. As you all know, I am a fair alpha. While she refuses to claim the father, if he steps up and claims her and this unborn pup, she will be permitted to stay and there will be no repercussions for either party. Otherwise, as ancient law decrees, she will be exiled from these lands.¡±


    Silence fell over the gathered pack, no one made a move. I didn''t blame anyone. Until we got our wolves, we didn''t know who our mates were. Who would risk never getting their mate just to keep one lonesome wolf around? After a pause of a few minutes, hundreds of eyes on me, my father continued.


    ¡°As no one claims this she wolf and pup, as law decrees..¡±


    I turned and looked at my father, those eyes locked on my back. I would face my exile, I wasn''t a coward.


    ¡°I, Alpha Casimir of the DawnCrest pack, exile Cheyenne Dawn from the pack. From this moment forward, she is not welcomed on these lands. Patrols are to chase her out on sight, and if she dares to step foot or paw on these lands without explicit invitation, she will be subjected to the pack laws every rogue faces. Beta Jacks, take your finest warriors and escort her off of these lands.¡±

 Six

    His voice seemed to echo for a moment, the sheer power of his alpha aura radiating off of him. Murmurs rose up, both mental and verbal. Some questioned his leadership for exiling his own daughter, others found him to be that much more of a great leader, to have the strength to exile kin. I stared blankly ahead, only now noticing Brycen walking over with a bag in his hands. The one I had shoved into the back of my closet. Never before had I ever felt so grateful to have him as a brother.


    As the hand of the Beta landed on my shoulder, it was gentle. ¡°Come on, hun.¡± He''d say, waiting long enough for Brycen to hand me the bag before starting to gently guide me away. My eyes darted to my mother, and I saw the absolute horror on her face. Everything she had run from, I now headed towards.


    *I''m sorry* I wanted to say, if only we had the pack link, I''d tell her how sorry I was.


    ¡°I''ll take care of her.¡±


    My head whipped around, looking for the one who linked with me¡­ my eyes landed on Lex''s mom. She gave me a small nod, and my lip wobbled. I didn''t want to cry, I didn''t want to seem weak, but I was thankful to her. Maybe if my mother was out of sight, she''d be out of my father''s mind too. Maybe she could be spared. The Beta''s family would take care of her, they had always taken care of me and they''d do the same with her.


    Lex was bawling beside her, unashamed by her emotions she watched me being guided away from the house. Only a small handful of wolves accompanied us, they didn''t see me as a threat. I was wolfless still. Many didn''t even believe I''d survive this exile long. A wolf without their beast form was weak, exposed.


    Out of sight of my father, as soon as we entered the treeline, the Beta pulled me into his side. He could feel me shaking, I knew it. He was like a second father to me, more of a father than my own had ever been. He had always been there for me, taught me the pack history, threw me birthday parties and taught me how to distinguish pack lines without my wolf. He was in mourning of s daughter, I realized. Lex and I had been inseparable since early childhood, every memory I had was with her. I was there while his daughter grew up, he saw me as one of his. I could feel the turmoil of his wolf below the surface. The desire to disobey his alpha and keep me safe, but knowing his rank without question. I felt guilty that I gave him this internal struggle.


    ¡°You''re a strong girl, Cheyenne.¡± He''d mutter, his hand rubbing my arm. ¡°You''ll make a good life for yourself.¡±


    I was surprised he managed to keep his wolf¡¯s turmoil out of his voice. I felt the hot tears start to trickle down my face a moment later and I hurriedly wiped at them. I realized he didn''t seem to be shocked about this.


    ¡°Lexy told us when she got home from school today.¡± He answered my unspoken question. ¡°She started crying as soon as the door closed, and she told us everything. You''ve been so brave, Chey, through all of this. No matter what your father says, you''re so very brave. I know this is hard, it''s a shock and it''s scary, but I know you, I''ve watched you grow up with Lexy. You''ll do what''s best for you, and you won''t let anything stand in your way.¡± He squeezed me, and I realized our steps were slow. He was dragging this on because he had more to say. My head fell against his arm and I took in his scent. I didn''t want to forget him.


    Taking a quick glance around, I noticed the wolves he chose were family of his, or close friends. Those who wouldn''t rush us, those who wanted to say goodbye. They had raised me as well, cared for me, held me when I cried.


    ¡°I know¡­ I know you''ve always said you''d never be your mother.¡± He hesitated with these words, and I could feel my defenses rising. I didn''t think I''d like his next words. ¡°But it might be safest for you to take advantage of our instincts. That pup''s dad will want to protect it, and you. You''d be safe.¡±


    I couldn''t even form words. I felt betrayed. They all knew how I loathed my mother''s choice, how could he propose that? I was speechless, my head snapping back up. A surge of anger ran through my veins and I wanted space.


    ¡°I know it''s not what you want to hear, but we just want you to be safe. It''s awful hard to raise a pup on your own. Let alone having to learn how to hunt and survive as a wolf without a mentor.¡±


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    I stopped, making the group stop. Red began to seep into my vision. How many times had I stated how I hated my life and my mother who forced this onto me?


    ¡°Absolutely not. This is my punishment to deal with. I won''t be my mother. Even if I did and by some miracle he doesn''t hate me after finding his mate, I''ll still be pushed to the side, as would the pup. They''d grow up just like me, forever being whispered about, forever being forgotten. I won''t let this pup grow up like I did, an outcast, only there out of obligation.¡± I''d explain, trying not to let more tears spill. Every single day of my life has been a living hell, and they wanted me to put my child through the same?


    He nodded, face solemn, but didn''t push it. ¡°Okay, I get it. Do be careful.¡± He''d state. His voice was clipped. He didn''t approve of my choice, but he knew I held my father''s temper and didn''t want to push me to break.


    ¡°If you''re afraid on your 18th full moon¡­¡± one of the others said. One of the pack guards, strong and intimidating but a sweet guy once you get to know him. He taught me how to swim in the pond, and took me out there every summer with Lex when we were kids. ¡°There will be a patrol at the river¡­¡±


    I smiled at his implication, the anger quickly fading, being replaced by sorrow again. He''d be at the river to talk me through my first shift, help me take my wolf form from across the river that marked a pack line. Tears did start to fall now. I couldn''t help it.


    ¡°And if you get hungry and need pointers on hunting¡­¡± another trailed off. One of the best hunters the pack had, rumors said he took down an elk alone. He taught me how to spear fish a few years ago.


    I smiled through the falling tears.


    ¡°Thank you¡­ I won¡¯t be around though.¡± I''d admit. ¡°I have a plan that I hope will work.¡±


    ¡°Don''t stress yourself out. It''s not good for a growing baby.¡± The last one said. I only saw him at Jacks¡¯ house, but he was friendly. His brother, if I remembered properly. He had helped me with my homework a lot.


    ¡°Don''t worry about me¡­ I''ll be fine.¡± I''d tell them, my smile stretched thin. I felt numb to it all, most likely in shock.


    ¡°I don''t doubt that.¡± Jacks would say, but I could tell it was a lie. He was very worried, and I understood why. I had always been a reckless pup, who was to say that ever changed?


    We stopped again, at some point we had started walking again and I hadn''t noticed. I glanced out to the forest ahead. Never had I stepped a foot farther than this, past the border of guaranteed safety. Hesitant, I looked back at the men gathered behind me. Each one offered a small, sad smile. In turn, I hugged each of them tightly. Tears fell as I hugged Jacks and he placed a kiss on the top of my head.


    ¡°You got this sweetie¡­ show everyone you''re an Alpha.¡±


    ¡°I will¡­ ¡° I''d say, nodding my head as I looked up to him and took a step back. ¡°I''ll make a name for myself out there.¡± I wiped my tears away again, letting go of Jacks and taking a step back. I hoisted the bag I carried higher on my shoulder, put on my bravest smile, and crossed the border. One foot in front of the other. I looked back once, waved my goodbye as I tried to make light of the situation, and kept walking. I never heard them turn around, they watched me until I was long out of sight.


    I was thankful I had taken the wilderness survival elective the school had offered. I estimated I had another two to three hours before the sun set. Not long but if I hurried I could cover some good distance. I had no idea how far I could travel today, or how much I could each day. I didn''t know how long it would take me to get to the rogue camp I aimed for, but I had seven months as long as I could reliably get food and water. It certainly wouldn''t be easy. Especially because I realized I was hungry. I had been exiled before I could get the snack my mother made after school. I sighed, trying to push the hunger away as I continued to walk. Those were luxuries I''d no longer have. I''d have to get used to that fast. In a few hours, I went from an Alpha heir to a rogue.


    Night felt like it fell faster than I had anticipated, and the forest stretched on. I wasn''t very good at judging time and distance, reality felt far different than what I had imagined. My feet hurt, my stomach growled, and I was thirsty. I was sorely unprepared for this journey, I quickly realized.I was a child with big ideas with absolutely no clue how to achieve them. I would have questioned if I was going in the right direction, had I not had the sun setting for me to judge which way to go. With the sun to my left, I had been heading north, but as it sank below the horizon, I was forced to stop.


    A chill hung in the air, wild animals skittering around the underbrush. I was jumpy, my night vision not quite as enhanced as a wolf''s but better than what we had learned a human''s was. Even so, peering into the darkness revealed little. Whatever scampered around me was well hidden. Not for the first time since I set out from the pack lands I found myself wishing I wasn''t quite so alone. The farther I went, the less I felt the pull of the pack bond, and that in itself terrified me. I had never been so utterly alone as I was now. A breeze blew past me, and I shivered. Rubbing my hands over my arms, I whimpered and found a small clearing. Creating a small woodpile, I went to start a fire to keep warm. I''d need to figure out how I was going to catch food tomorrow.

 Seven

    It had only taken two weeks to travel the land, I approximated 120 miles now laid between me and my father. Me and Lex. That side thought hurt, my heart beats laced in sorrow. I hadn''t seen her in two weeks now, my anchor and voice of reason. Was she okay? I hoped so. The pack link had faded, her check ins were hard to catch now. A tingle in the back of my mind, but nothing more. Had I even felt one today?


    There was a little over two weeks until my 18th birthday, and I could feel my wolf stirring inside me more and more. She had been keeping me alive, I was certain of that. Even without being able to shift, the enhancements to my senses were noticeable. I could hear even the smallest of paw steps, my night sight was better than ever, and I could smell scents for miles. That was the only reason I had managed to avoid the Evermaw borders. I could scent when I was getting close, and would turn away. That''s probably why it took me longer than it normally would have. A week was all it should have taken, it''s all it took us when we went to another pack for a holiday. I hadn''t known how long it would take me though, since I didn''t know the way like the others did. I was still pretty proud of myself for making it this far, for keeping myself fed and alive.


    My body hurt though. I wasn''t used to all this walking, and such little food. I was exhausted, from both travelling and worrying over my pup. Had I managed to keep myself healthy enough for them? We had tried, both me and my wolf. I rested often, she found us the easiest prey to catch and the cleanest water sources we could find. We had done our absolute best, but we both worried, feared for our pup. Had it been enough?


    I sank down onto a fallen tree, the forest around me was unfamiliar, spruce trees replaced with what seemed like oak. Leaves crunched under foot rather than the silence of needles. It gave me an advantage when listening for anyone approaching though, which is exactly what I heard.


    Foot steps crunching through the dried leaves, small branches snapping. It was a small group, three maybe, but that was of little comfort. I still couldn''t shift, and I couldn''t overexert myself while carrying this pup. If they were aggressive, they could easily kill me. I had been lucky, so very lucky, up to this point. Scenting predators long before I was anywhere close to them, thus able to avoid them. Not this time though. My heart beat began to hammer in my chest, and I struggled to steady my breathing before I went into a panic. I had to stay quiet. Maybe the stench of rotting leaves would keep my own scent hidden.


    I assumed there was no such luck. I was silent, hardly breathing, eyes scanning the forest for any sign of movement. Adrenaline rushed through my veins like electricity, and every muscle was tense. I was ready to run at the first sign of trouble. The foot steps stopped, and I knew they wouldn''t just pass me by. They must have scented me, and were trying to track me.


    ¡°Mitch! There''s a pregnant wolf around here!¡± A male''s voice, and by the name he called out, there was another.


    Right. They could scent I was pregnant¡­ but was that concern in his tone?


    ¡°Find her. She might need help. Any others?¡± That must have been Mitch, his voice a deeper bass.


    Help? Were they¡­ friendly? I didn''t trust it, my instincts told me they were a threat to me and my pup. I didn''t know them, and I was weak. They could easily kill me.


    ¡°I don''t smell any others, Dad. Should I go get Mom?¡±


    ¡°No¡­well¡­ yes. Go tell her, we''ll meet you back at camp.¡±


    They were so close, their conversation was easy to hear. Panic began to set in, and I lightly placed my feet on the ground. Standing now, I scanned the area for anywhere to hide. They''d know the area better, I''d have to be very careful.


    The scent of a wolf was nearly overwhelming for a moment as the guy shifted. Heavy paw steps grew quieter as he ran the opposite direction. That left two out here with me. A little more in my favor, but only marginally.


    My eyes frantically scanned the area, looking for anywhere I could take shelter. A hollowed out tree, anything. At the very least, somewhere I could put my back against, eliminating the chance of a surprise attack.


    For a brief moment, my vision changed. Hues of blues and reds over taking the scenery. Wolf sight. My wolf was trying to surface as much as she could, give me as much of an advantage as I could have. I hadn''t even met her yet, hadn''t even taken fur, and she was fighting the very magic of our being to keep me safe. Tears began to build behind my eyes at the sentiment, but I shook them away. I had to focus.


    Using the wolf sight, I scanned the area. Orange and reds of silent prey in the trees jumped out at me, but I ignored them. I was looking for the predators that searched for me. I turned in a circle, barely lifting my feet. There, through the trees, the brightly colored hues of one of the men. Where was the other one though? I continued my soft circle, eyes wide in anxious fear.


    I froze, the mass of orange and red a couple yards ahead of me. Was he¡­Facing me? I blinked away the wolf sight, knowing my eyes melted from wolf to person, and my breath caught in my throat. He was still, watching me with caution and examining my every movement.


    ¡°Mitch, I found her.¡± He called out, looking behind me briefly before slowly raising his hands in surrender. ¡°Easy there, girl. We aren''t here to hurt you.¡± His voice softened significantly, but it didn''t put me at ease.


    I had one in front of me, and one behind. Not the most ideal situation, actually, it was the one I was trying to avoid. The footsteps behind me stopped a few yards away. They were trying to give me space, but I still felt trapped. Everything inside of me screamed for me to run, but without my wolf, I would never be able to escape them.


    I pivoted my body, keeping both of them in view as I took a step back.


    ¡°Hey, she''s just a kid..¡± The one who was named Mitch said.


    I was so tense, my chest hardly moving with each shallow breath. If I ran, I could trigger the chase instinct, but I couldn''t just sit here and let them to whatever they wanted to me.


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    Mitch took a step closer to me, and I bared my teeth. A wolfish growl left my throat, surprising me. Was this normal? It had to be. My wolf was close to the surface because it was almost my 18th birthday.


    ¡°Easy kid. We won''t hurt you, I swear that upon the moon.¡±


    I eyed Mitch warily, and he mimicked the surrender pose that his friend still held.


    ¡°May the moon take my wolf if I''m lying.¡± He reiterated.


    That made me pause. The moon was the one to give us our wolves, and while there was no proof she could take them away, it was only logical that she could. It was a serious vow, staking your wolf on your word. I didn''t want to trust him, and I didn''t, but I believed he didn''t mean me harm.


    I guess my body relaxed slightly, because he smiled.


    ¡°That''s it¡­ How about you come with us back to our camp?¡±


    I tensed up again. He had vowed he and his friend meant me no harm, but a pack? He couldn''t speak for all of them and I would be severely outnumbered.


    ¡°Just so we can get you washed up and fed, okay? You''ve been out here alone for a while, right?¡± He guessed it correctly, but it wasn''t like it was hard to figure out.


    I was a mess, hair thoroughly tangled, dirt staining my clothes and skin, and I knew I had lost weight, despite how hard we had tried to keep ourselves fed.


    ¡°We want to keep you safe.¡± The other one spoke. My head whipped to him. It wasn''t that I had forgotten about him, but I hadn''t expected him to speak.


    ¡°Both of you safe.¡± Mitch added. He wasn''t talking about me and my wolf¡­and that''s what made me break.


    I needed food, and rest. I was exhausted, border line paranoid, and stressed out. I let out a sigh, my shoulders drooping.


    ¡°Fine¡­¡± I''d mutter, my voice hoarse from disuse. I didn''t really have any reason to talk, so I didn''t really. It showed.


    ¡°That a girl.¡± Mitch would say, his voice warm. With how adept he was at diffusing a situation and how he spoke, I guessed he was used to situations like these. He reminded me of Jacks.


    I still tensed when the other guy walked up behind me, and I could feel my lip pulling up in a snarl. Mitch gave his friend a look and the guy gave me a wide berth, ending up beside Mitch.


    ¡°I''m Mitch, this is Leroy. You don''t have to tell us your name, but those are ours.¡± Mitch would say, finally introduce himself and his friend.


    I opted to stay quiet, to which he nodded. I wasn''t comfortable sharing my name, not yet. What if my father had put a bounty over my head? Rogues were known to bounty hunt, if only to get access to the rewards that followed. They were crafty too, he could easily mean no harm and still return me to the pack. It was safer that I didn''t say any thing, at least until I got a feel for these wolves and their intentions.


    ¡°Alright then. Follow us. The camp is a bit busy, but I promise, no one there wants to hurt you. I sent my son ahead to let my wife know you were coming. She''s a healer and can check you over.¡± He''d explain, starting to walk off.


    Leroy followed, neither looking back at me. They trusted I''d follow and not attack. It struck me as odd, rogues being so comfortable around a stranger. Could they tell I couldn''t shift, and so I was a low threat? Probably, why else would I have let myself be found in my human form? I ended up trailing behind them, listening but not saying a word. I didn''t want to end up being kicked out if I said the wrong thing. If I could manage it, I wanted to try and stay until I shifted. Then I could keep searching for the rogue pack on my own. I estimated they''d be closer to the mountains, closer to Silvervein. I still had a day''s travel to go, but I needed to rest first. Maybe this rogue camp knew where to find the makeshift pack, but I''d have to ask my questions carefully in case there was trouble between the two settlements.


    Silence fell between us, but it was anything but comfortable. The air was still tense, even if they tried to play it off as casual. I was a loose cannon to them, and I was being led into their home. My wolf didn''t like it, she was urging me to run, but I fought the urge and tried to calm her. Rationally, we both knew I needed to rest and eat a proper meal or two, but instincts screamed that entering a pack alone while pregnant was putting me and the pup at risk. These strangers held no loyalty to me, their wolves wouldn''t care if I carried a pup or not. I would be taking resources away from them. If anything, they should be trying to chase me out of their territory, not bring me to their camp.


    Did they have ulterior motives? I couldn''t think of what those could be, no matter how hard I thought about it. What could they possibly gain by inviting a stranger into their den?


    My thoughts were interrupted by a wave of new scents. All wolves, melding together similarly to a pack, but not as solidified. It was dizzying, how many scents surrounded me at once, wolves after wolves. They had said it was a bit busy, but this was far beyond that. It was bustling¡­ Like a pack. Wait, had I accidentally stumbled upon the rogue pack I was looking for?


    The camp came into view shortly after, but it was more like a village. Huts were lined up between trees, some trees being used as cornerstones for the houses. Well worn dirt paths weaved around houses and campfires, and a woman stood waiting on one of the roads. A boy who looked around my age stood next to her, and on her other side a girl around eight.


    ¡°That''s my family, well, some of them. The other boys are around her somewhere.¡± Mitch said, not even bothering to hide the love in his voice.


    As we neared, the woman walked over to meet us, the girl holding onto her skirts.


    ¡°Oh look at you, you poor dear¡­ what happened honey?¡± she asked, immediately addressing me.


    My guards, as I decided to refer to them as, stepped out of the way so she could get a look at me. I suddenly felt exposed, and I averted my gaze. She reminded me of my mother, strangely enough.


    ¡°You can explain later. Come, let''s get you some food. Zack, go heat some water for a bath. Poor thing looks like she hasn''t bathed in weeks. Oh, how could anyone leave you alone like this?¡±


    Oddly enough, I didn''t even flinch when she approached and gently wrapped an arm around me. I was slightly taller than her, I noted. She began to lead me deeper into this little village. ¡°Mitch, honey. Could you go hunt for some more prey? This girl is thinner than I thought, her clothes hide it well. This won''t do at all.¡± She''d tut at the end, barely casting her husband another glance as she turned down one of the dirt roads.


    We approached a cabin of sorts, one story as were the rest of the buildings here, but large. Bigger than the rest. The little girl opened the door for us, and Zack swept by us and into the back. I was sat down at a table, enough spots for eight people.


    ¡°Now wait right there. I''ll get some food cooking. Here.¡± The woman placed a wooden cup of water in front of me, along with some bread.


    I fought back tears. It was both overwhelming and touching that she was so kind to me. She hadn''t even paused for a moment, hadn''t hesitated even a breath. Something told me this wasn''t the first time her husband brought her someone like me.


    ¡°Go on, eat dear. There''s more where that came from.¡± She''d say, gaze softening as she looked at me. ¡°You''re safe here sweetie.¡±