《Live Has Color》


 Chapter 1 - The Gray Man

    In the midst of the bustling city, there is a mysterious man known as "The Gray Man." He is a shadow that passes by without leaving a trace, as if invisible to the eyes of those around him. However, behind his calm demeanor lies a deep emptiness, a void that is difficult to explain.


    The Gray Man leads a solitary life, distancing himself from social interactions and emotional relationships. He feels alienated amidst the crowd, longing for lost meaning in his life. Every step he takes feels like wandering in emptiness, searching for something incomprehensible.


    The gray man I refer to is myself. I call myself the gray man because the color of my life is gray. Not white or black, but gray.


    Do not misunderstand me, I am just an ordinary human being. But it is true that I am like a shadow. Because I am here but no one pays attention to me.


    I am currently in a park, observing a variety of colorful flowers. Bees peacefully collect nectar from the flowers, and they also help the flowers grow lush.


    Mutual symbiosis is the interaction between two organisms, whether of the same species or different. In a broad sense, the interaction between bees and flowers can also be categorized as mutual symbiosis, provided that both benefit equally.


    Knowing this knowledge makes me realize that I am knowledgeable as a human. But that''s just it and nothing more. There is no happiness growing in my heart even when thinking about it. Because it is just something "ordinary" that can be done by others as well.


    There is nothing to be proud of in me. Without being different and labeled as "unique". It is fitting for me to call myself "the gray man".


    But even so, I do not need pity. Honestly, I do not suffer from feeling this emptiness. I just feel lonely, and loneliness is something common to me, because I am used to it.


    "Being used to it is not good! You are just forcing yourself to adapt in a place that is uncomfortable for you!" the most precious woman in the world said to me. Maybe she said that when I was still in elementary school, maybe...


    I appreciate those words, but I only appreciate. I am too afraid to speak to others, because I am afraid of hurting someone''s feelings.


    It could be said that I am a "loser", but I do not mind being called that. If being called a loser keeps me from hurting someone''s feelings, that is enough reason for me.


    "Meow~..."


    I have not introduced this small creature yet. This small creature that often meows all the time. This cat''s name is Liam, I took care of him when I saw him almost being swept away by the river.


    At that time, no one tried to help him. Everyone felt sorry, looked worried, but did not have the courage to jump into the river.


    There were some people who took the initiative but they went down the stairs.


    "Even running will not make it in time, stupid! He is almost drowning!" I thought at that time. I wanted to shout like that, but I knew it would only make me hated by others, so i don''t do that.


    Seeing the cat almost drowning made me not regret what I saw that day. It made me jump right away just to save him, and made myself go home with wet clothes.


    "You fool! Why did you jump like that? Do you want to die?" said the most precious woman in my life.


    Let me clarify that I mean my own mother. But it is the truth that I consider her like that. There is no doubt in my heart, in fact, I feel like I should hit myself if I doubt that.


    In saying that I am stupid because I jumped that day. Maybe she is right, because that day was the middle school festival where I attended school. But my wet clothes and my mother''s worry about my condition prevented me from enjoying the festival that day.


    But I do not regret doing it. If being called stupid makes me not regret it later, then I proudly say that I am "stupid".


    Because regret is more painful than being called stupid. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with being stupid. At first, all humans are stupid. But learning can make you smart. So there is nothing wrong with being stupid.


    But if a stupid person does not want to learn to be smart, maybe that person is not stupid, they are just lazy.


    Unfortunately, I am not a lazy person. Because being lazy is worse than being stupid.


    All of this is just my thoughts, I do not say that everything I think is right, but I consider all my thoughts to be true. Because if I doubt myself, then who else can trust me?


    It does not mean I do not have friends, it''s just that having "friends" alone does not make my life more colorful. Loneliness and emptiness still haunt me. My fear of the unknown future makes these two feelings stronger.


    The stronger these two feelings get, the longer I think alone, and until I reach a point where I have thought, "what is the point of living like this?"


    It does not mean I want to commit suicide, it''s just that I feel like I have nothing even though my needs are met. Stable family finances, friendly and harmonious family, and a healthy environment.


    I have many things that can make me happy. I should feel like that but I do not. I even ask myself.


    "Why am I so weird?"


    But the answer to that question I have known for a long time, even since the changes in me began to show. It all started when I was little and had an accident.


    The injury to my head caused damage to my brain. But the doctor said I was fine. Everyone I knew worried about me and always asked about my actual condition. But I just smiled and said, "yes, i''m fine."


    I said that clearly and without doubt. Because I really feel like that.


    But slowly that answer became a doubt in me. I realized the change within me.


    Before that... the world was full of bright colors. But after that incident, I felt my world became dim. All colors seemed to mix with gray. It was then that I felt there was something strange about me.


    "What really happened to me? Is it because of that accident?" I started asking about things that were unclear and unreasonable to myself.


    I realize I only made such conclusions just to satisfy myself and not think about it again. But... I just hope that assumption is correct. My disappointment will surely decrease when I know my assumption is correct. So I hope that I really changed because of that accident.


    But I do not care anymore about that. Many years have passed and I haven''t found the real answer. Also I am not sad or tortured. I just feel empty every moment. And just feel lonely even around many people.


    That''s right... Just loneliness and emptiness... And I am used to it... So i think that''s fine for me... For thinking like this...


    I walked with Liam, my little white cat. I didn''t understand why my little sister named him Liam.


    Now I am on my way home, thinking about the unknown future. Starting next Sunday, I will enter high school and meet new people at the new school.


    "Can I make friends this time?" I muttered to myself in the evening.


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    I gazed at the orange sky that would soon turn dark. Some people who had just returned from work were heading back to their homes.


    I lowered my head to the people I met, assuming they were my neighbors, even though I didn''t know them. At least I hoped that they would remember my face and strike up a conversation with me someday.


    "Meow~...," Liam looked sleepy.


    I started carrying him because he seemed to be dozing off at that moment, making his walk uncertain.


    Besides, he was very peculiar. He kept scratching the door of my house just to signal that he wanted to go out. In the end, it was my mother who found Liam like that and asked me to accompany him.


    "Take Liam for a walk, you Don''t have anything else to do right?" my mother said before I left.


    The truth hurts. That''s why when I heard that, I felt a bit hurt. But I held it in because she was my mother, and there was no point in hating my own mother just because of her words.


    If only everyone in the world were like me and knew that. Maybe I would never be afraid to speak up anytime and anywhere to anyone. But unfortunately, everyone has different thoughts.


    Suddenly, someone hugged me from behind and shouted.


    "William!" Embracing me from behind and hanging onto me like a monkey, he looked at the sleeping cat I was carrying and said, "woah, Liam is here too! Are you guys going for a walk?"


    "Yes, you''re right. But right now we want to go home."


    She started getting off my back.


    "Hmm... So, going for a walk... But why in the evening? It''s almost night, you know?"


    "Just ask Liam himself."


    "Ehh? Can Liam communicate telepathically? I didn''t know he was an esper animal."


    SHe started trying to talk to Liam. While Liam just responded with his "meow" every now and then.


    This silly girl''s name is Beatrice, she is my childhood friend since we were babies. That''s because our parents are also friends.


    I don''t mind that, I just hope they don''t casually decide our engagement just because they are friends. It would be very disturbing, and I''m sure Beatrice thinks the same way... Maybe...


    "Hey Will... Are you lying to me? He doesn''t want to talk to me!"


    "Maybe he doesn''t like you..."


    "Huh? Why?"


    "Maybe because you always act weird when you greet me everytime."


    "Ahaha... Sorry, seeing your back from behind makes me want to startle you, ehehe... It''s a habit..."


    "You should stop that habit. Besides me, other people will be disturbed and end up hating you for it."


    Beatrice''s face looked angry, then she pouted and muttered, "that doesn''t mean I do it to anyone other than you."


    "So, you only act like that in front of me. It seems like I have built trust between us quite well."


    Beatrice looked embarrassed as she yelled, "D-did you hear that?"


    "Hear what?"


    "N-nothing, just forget it..."


    After that, she became quiet. It made me a little curious. Did I do something wrong to her?


    It seems like it''s because I listened to what she mumbled earlier. Should I pretend not to hear?


    This is a lesson for me, thanks Beatrice. But the problem now is not just that. I don''t want to lose the relationship we''ve maintained for years.


    Although I know that Beatrice will probably return to normal the next day and start acting like herself again. But I don''t want to worry about her all night just because of this. Instead of worrying about her all night, it''s better to take action.


    That''s why I asked her, "hey, do you have any plans tomorrow?"


    "Eh? What? Why all of a sudden?"


    "Just answer my question."


    "I don''t have anything, I just have a piano lesson in the evening for 3 hours and then go home. Thinking about it made me realize that I''m a lazy person during this holiday. Ugh... Thinking about it makes me realize that I''m a lazy person."


    "You? Lazy? Do you think someone who has piano lessons almost every day is lazy?"


    "To be honest, I don''t want to have piano lessons. It''s just that I don''t want to seem lazy. At least I have an activity to use as an excuse for that. Ehehe..."


    So, now I understand. Beatrice is lazy, but she is a lazy person who feels ashamed. I think it''s not too bad to be lazy if you still feel ashamed. Rather than being a lazy person who has no shame and continues to be lazy without doing anything.


    "Hey, Will..." Beatrice suddenly started talking to me.


    "What?"


    "About what you asked earlier. Why did you ask that?"


    "Ah... I almost forgot, sorry..."


    "Wait, are you trying to express your feelings to me? Ahaha... Forget what I said."


    "Expressing feelings? Maybe you''re right."


    "Eh? Ehhh?...," Beatrice looked surprised by my answer.


    Beatrice stopped walking and stared at me with a strange expression. While I, who still wanted to explain something, also stopped.


    "Is something wrong?"


    Beatrice looked shy as she said, "I-I think it''s too soon for that... Aren''t you ashamed?"


    "Eh? Why? Since we were born, we''ve been together, why should I be ashamed when I want to express my desires?"


    "But... I... My heart is not ready!" She said, closing her eyes before she seemed to realize something and began to open her eyes, asking, "express your desires?"


    "Yeah, you''re right, I want to treat you to something sweet tomorrow. Don''t you have anything to do other than piano lessons in the evening? In that case, we can go to the cafe you like at 8 pm. How about it? Are you in?"


    "Will..."


    "What?"


    "Didn''t you say you wanted to express your feelings?"


    "Yes, so what? What''s the difference between expressing feelings and desires? Aren''t desires also based on feelings? What were you thinking that made you misunderstand? Did you misunderstand?"


    She suddenly lowered her head and called my name tremblingly, "Will~..."


    "What?"


    She cried and said, "you just keep giving me hope over and over again. But... In the end! In the end... Hiks.. hiks..."


    "Eh? Wait, why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"


    She slapped me and ran away screaming, "you fool! Just die! Bastard!"


    I accepted her slap because I knew I had to accept it.


    Forgive me, Beatrice... I know you like me. But as long as I am still unsure about my feelings for you, I will continue to act as like i don''t know everything like this.


    Because by doing so, you will also be unsure about my feelings and be afraid to express your feelings to me for fear of rejection. It is the best way to be foolish in a situation like this.


    If that''s what it takes to maintain our current relationship, I don''t mind being called a fool by you. Because that means I have succeeded in making you think that way.


    Beatrice... Forgive me... And if possible, keep liking me... And wait for me until I find the colors in my life again...


    Until then... Maybe when that time comes, I will be able to answer your feelings firmly.


    Long smooth orange hair and her blue eyes. Those are the characteristics of a girl I know. Her name is Beatrice, a beautiful girl who is popular at school and also my childhood friend.


    At first, I felt like she didn''t like being around me. Because she seemed scared when she first visited my house and stayed over because her parents were out of this town at that time.


    My mother instructed me to play with her for 3 days. However, she was very difficult to approach and didn''t speak a word to me. She would run away and hide behind my mother when I tried to get close.


    My mother always scolded me and accused me of doing something naughty to Beatrice. But I just stayed silent and didn''t try to deny it. Accepting criticism from others is better than trying hard to explain and ending up arguing with others.


    I just stayed silent, bowed my head, and tried to show myself as someone who truly felt guilty. It was an easy thing to do, and if it took too long, I just had to pretend to shed tears so my mother would feel sympathy for me and end her scolding.


    In the end, my mother said, "Play with Beatrice and don''t be naughty with her again! I don''t want you to become a naughty child who bullies others!"


    I stayed silent and slowly looked towards Beatrice who was hiding behind my mother.


    "Maybe she is afraid of my stiff face?" I thought at that moment.


    I tried to smile at her, but my smile was very awkward. Beatrice looked even more scared, and my mother scolded me again for it. She scolded me even though she knew that I really couldn''t smile.


    It was normal, because there was no one else to blame but me in my mother''s eyes. Especially since Beatrice was indeed afraid of me, not anyone else.


    "But shouldn''t she be angry at me just because of that?" I thought at that moment. But in reality, I knew that my mother didn''t mean to corner me. She just wanted me to try to change, to try to smile nicely, which was one of the things she wanted me to do. So there was no reason for me to be angry back at her. As long as her intentions towards me were good, I didn''t mind it.


    From that day on, I distanced myself from Beatrice and tried to practice smiling normally.


    "Mom... I don''t think Beatrice would want to play with me."


    "Why is that?"


    "She''s afraid of me... Why can''t you be the one to accompany her to play for the last 2 days?"


    "Hmm... Actually, starting tomorrow, I have to go to the academy."


    "Academy? Why?"


    "To be an examiner, I was invited there. You''re also going to enter junior high school soon, remember that," my mother said with a smile towards me. I knew she was proud of me, but I didn''t care too much about it. I was just graduating from school and moving to a new school with a different level of learning. There was nothing to be proud of in that, because anyone else could do it besides me.


    I seemed to be a person who never appreciated what I had. Of course, I was not grateful, even though I knew it was bad, but being grateful actually hindered my development. As long as my potential as a human continued to grow because I never appreciated something in myself, I would continue to be like that for the rest of my life.


    "So what about Beatrice," I said, waiting for my mother''s answer, who seemed to be thinking.


    My mother then decided to call some other neighborhood kids to play at our house. For those 2 days, our house was very noisy every day with the loud laughter of the children.


    But strangely, Beatrice didn''t seem to enjoy playing at all. She smiled, she laughed, she played along, and there was no bullying among them. But when others moved away from her, Beatrice would show a vacant expression.


    That''s when I realized something. I realized that Beatrice and I were the same kind of human. the kind of human who feels empty even when around other humans.


    That''s when I started to be interested in her. I started to think that maybe with her, my world would be more colorful. I began to practice smiling while also training other skills just to create a situation where Beatrice could feel comfortable around me.


    My feeling at that time was not love, but hope. It didn''t mean I expected something from her, but I hoped for something I could get from her. At that time, I really didn''t know anything, I thought I could return to normal because I had a friend.


    "Mom... What do you think makes a woman interested in a man?"


    "Ehhh? Do you already have someone you like at such a young age?"


    "No..."


    "Ahh... You don''t need to lie. So, it seems like my child is growing up."


    "Eh? Why do you say that... Answer my question quickly..."


    "Ufufu...," for some reason, my mother smiled at me teasingly. She seemed to misunderstand my intention.


    But in the end, she still gave me a clue.


    "Show your talent to her, maybe if you show yourself as someone great, she will be interested in you."


    "How do I do that?"


    "Music..."


    "Music?"


    "Try learning the piano."


    "Piano?"


    "Yeah, that''s right... Piano, maybe she will be interested in you. Especially if you make her listen to you play the piano. Maybe she will fall in love with you right away. and to be honest, mom likes the piano."


    "Mom... You misunderstood me, but it seems like it will work. Thank you for the advice, mom."


    "Hmm... You''re welcome, get the heart of whoever you like!"


    "I won''t..."


    "Even though honestly, I don''t mind, why are you so shy in front of your own mother. Look, you''re blushing."


    "I''m not..."


    "Your cheeks are red."


    "I''m not..."


    "Hmmpph... You''re no fun to joke with."


    Although my mother sounded very annoying, she still gave me advice. At least I was truly grateful to her deep down in my heart.


    I started practicing the piano with a teacher recommended by my mother. I was a little surprised to find out that Beatrice was also one of the students of the teacher who taught me.


    But slowly, I realized that music was quite enjoyable. I could feel strange vibrations piercing my heart every time I made music with my fingers. I became interested in other musical instruments and ended up practicing all of them.


    In the end, I won many competitions in various types of music I learned just to captivate Beatrice''s heart.


    I thought I was doing it just to captivate Beatrice''s heart. But slowly, I began to enjoy the whole process, and my father, who knew about it, offered me to participate in competitions.


    Piano, violin, drums, guitar, flute, and many other instruments. In the end, I won all those competitions and made many other people look at me with hatred and envy.


    Maybe this was what they called a talent from birth. But I didn''t care too much about that. Because all I wanted was to attract Beatrice''s attention and be able to be her friend.


    Moreover, when I won the piano competition, I met Beatrice. She seemed to have made it to the finals and competed with several people, including me, and won second place.


    That was the first time I shook hands with Beatrice. The other who lost congratulated me as the winner. And Beatrice was one of them, she said the same thing while smiling like Others.


    I felt a little happy knowing that Beatrice smiled at me. But for some reason, I felt strange when some people who had previously looked at me with hatred now also smiled and did the same thing on stage in front of everyone watching that day. But I didn''t think too much about it, because from the beginning, I never cared about their existence.


    All I thought about at that time was to be the best, make my parents proud, and be friends with Beatrice, nothing more.

 Chapter 2 - a form of envy from someone who loses

    "Then... Beako... How is it? Does the sound of my piano sound beautiful to your ears?"


    "You did it on purpose, didn''t you? You wanted to embarrass me like that? Why? Why did you take my place? Are you seeking revenge because your mother scolded you because of me in the past? Hey, answer me... William!"


    My screams echoed in the room that day. I shouted at William with all my might. Venting all my frustration towards him as the target of my hatred.


    It was because I failed to win the piano competition due to his presence. The presence of a genius among geniuses who held the title of the best youngest pianist at that time.


    I failed to achieve my dream that year after winning the competition for 3 consecutive years and being the best since I was in 4th grade in elementary school. But in my 4th year, I was shocked to find out that I was now defeated by a newcomer who won in one try.


    Since the day he won, I finally found out that me and William''s piano tutor were the same person. Because my tutor always talked about William and boasted about him as if he were his own child.


    Hatred grew in my heart, and that hatred was directed towards William.


    The hatred I felt was very strange. Why should I hate someone who is innocent just because he is better than me?


    I thought like that for a moment, but my hatred only subsided briefly, then grew stronger.


    I didn''t really mind being number 2. But the people around me who used to praise me for being the best no longer behaved the same way. They were still kind and smiled at me, but there were no more praises and words of appreciation for being the best. Because all the praises were now directed at William.


    Moreover, William himself often tried to talk to me every moment and smiled at me.


    "Are you secretly mocking me in your heart?" I thought every time William talked to me. But I was afraid to because maybe i''m just misunderstand, that''s why I stayed silent.


    one day, after our first year of junior high school had ended, William called me and invited me to meet him in the music club room, claiming he wanted to show me something.


    I was confused about how to respond because the reason I hated William was because of music. Meeting someone I hated in a room full of things that made me hate that person. I didn''t know whether to reject him at that moment or not.


    "Please... I want to show you something that might amaze you," he said when we were on the phone.


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    "Sigh... Alright...," in the end, I accepted William''s offer and followed his request.


    I walked and kept walking towards the music club room that William mentioned. Along the way, with no one else around but me, I heard someone playing the piano. I was sure it was William, he must be waiting for me while playing the piano.


    I pressed my chest as a sharp pain pierced my heart. Memories of the humiliating defeat that day resurfaced. The memory of having to pretend to smile in front of the audience and congratulate William on his victory. My stomach even felt queasy just remembering it.


    The reminder alarm for students still in club activities after school started buzzing.


    It made me wonder if I should leave William there alone and go home without saying anything.


    "The next day, I can just say that I suddenly felt unwell. That way, he will also be tormented, right? Waiting for something uncertain will surely make him feel disappointed!" I thought at that moment.


    But then I remembered that I had promised. If I hadn''t promised him, I might have done what I had just thought of. But a promise is something I will not break, because a promise is very important to me. I will never break a promise I made until I die.


    Finally, I arrived in front of the club room, and as I opened the door, William was already looking at me with his smile.


    Ah... This dream again, once again I dreamt the same thing tonight. I knew it was just a dream, but it seemed so real.


    "Hey... Beako... How are you?"


    "Enough with the small talk. Tell me now, what do you want to show me?"


    "Didn''t I already show it to you?"


    "What?"


    "The piano performance, ''River Flows in You,'' do you like that song?"


    "What? Why do you think that?"


    "Of course, I know. You played that song when we were in the final back then. I noticed your face that seemed to really enjoy the atmosphere when you played the piano on stage at that time. You like that song, right?"


    I was surprised at that moment, I didn''t expect him to pay attention to me and understand me. My hatred towards him slowly began to fade within me. I started to doubt myself at that moment.


    "Was I just misunderstanding William?" I thought to myself while pressing my chest, which was about to explode due to my rapidly beating heart.


    "So, what do you think? How is it?" William asked again.


    "About what?"


    "The song I played, didn''t you hear it? But you should have heard it, right? Are you thinking about something that you''re not focused on your surroundings?"


    "N-no...," I lied to him. In reality, he was right, I was truly lost in my ambiguous feelings towards him that I couldn''t hear anything except my heart expressing hatred.


    "Then why didn''t you hear it?"


    "Besides, from the beginning, why do you think I could hear it from the outside?"


    "Of course, I knew that there was a commotion in the basketball club, right? The basketball club is near the music club building. And a few hours ago, you said you were still working on the student council tasks. But I couldn''t find you in the student council room, so I concluded that you were sent by the student council as someone who directly observed the basketball club''s condition."


    "Why are you so sure?"


    "I''m not sure, I''m just theorizing based on some information I gathered. After that, I kept looking at the basketball club from here while talking to you on the phone. And a few moments later, you came out of the basketball club building. After that, I saw you heading towards the building where the music club is currently located. What else would be your purpose in coming to this building other than heading towards me? In this building, there is only the music club and a few other light clubs. You also only joined the student council and the tennis club outside this building. That''s why I started playing my piano while welcoming you. You didn''t want to waste your time, right? That''s why when you arrived, you could only give your opinion on the song I played. But it seems like you didn''t listen to the song I played at all. What''s wrong with you? You also opened the door a little late as I suspected, did you stop in the middle of the road for something?"


    "I-actually, I heard it...," feelings of envy and hatred began to return to my heart. His precise explanation and his understanding of me now made me feel nauseous.


    "Oh... Really?"


    "Y-yes...," but in reality, I realized that I was just envious of him. Envious of his intelligence, talent, and himself.


    "Then... Beako... How is it? Does the sound of my piano sound beautiful to your ears?"


    Hearing that question at that moment made the emotions I had suppressed slowly come out through my mouth.


    His question that questioned his piano skills in front of me made my hatred towards him grow even stronger.


    In the end, I unleashed all my emotions with various unpleasant words for anyone to hear. And I targeted William as my target so that I could feel a little relieved after releasing all the emotions I had pent up for so long.


    In the end, I realized that I didn''t hate him. I just hated myself for miserably losing to a newcomer. And in the end, I realized that I was just envious of him.

 Chapter 3 - Hope

    "You did it on purpose, didn''t you? You wanted to embarrass me like that? Why? Why did you steal my place? Are you seeking revenge because your mother scolded you because of me? Hey, answer me... William!"


    "Eh? No... It''s not like that, Beako. What do you mean?"


    "Don''t pretend to be ignorant in front of me! I know you are very intelligent to understand everything in an instant! But why did you have to outshine me? Why did you make me your shadow? Why did you make yourself shine in a place where I should be the one shining? Why? Why did you do it, William?"


    "Shine? Make you a shadow? What do you mean? I never did that."


    "Then why?"


    "...ha?"


    "Then why did you learn to play the piano? Hiks... Hiks... Waaaaa!"


    After that, Beatrice started crying in front of me. And I still remember that day vividly.


    I never expected that my intentions did not reach her heart. She instead saw my efforts from a different perspective and started accusing me.


    "If only I didn''t touch the piano that day. Would Beatrice not cry today?" That thought kept coming to my mind at that moment.


    But as I thought like that, I was honest and said a sentence firmly and loudly.


    "Beatrice... Why do you hate yourself?"


    After I said that sentence, Beatrice looked shocked and then ran away from the club room. She would probably go home soon and leave me there that day.


    After that, I covered my mouth and thought, "Why did I say that directly?"


    But I already knew the answer from the beginning, I just didn''t want to admit that reason that day. But now I can say it very clearly.


    "I hate her for seeing the world from the opposite side."


    The world i wanted she to see when I touched the piano was not a world full of jealousy and self-hatred. What I wanted was a world where she found someone she admired, which was myself.


    But it seems I failed to make her admire me. Instead, I made her hate herself because of my futile efforts.


    "Hey mom... What should I do when a girl cries because of her own mistakes?" I asked my mother after school that day.


    "What do you mean?"


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    "I mean when that person cries and blames me as the one at fault. But actually, she cries only because of herself. She doesn''t want to admit that she hates herself. That''s why she blames me and makes herself believe that she actually hates me, not herself. What should I do with that person, mom?"


    "I don''t quite understand what you mean. But basically, the girl is the one at fault but she makes herself believe that you are the one at fault?"


    "Yeah... something like that."


    "Hmm... Your explanation is quite convoluted."


    "Forgive me for not being a good teacher. But what I need now is your advice, not your criticism."


    "Hmm... You''re so cold! Why don''t you smile at me? Laugh!"


    "You know yourself that I can''t smile. Even if I smile, I don''t know if it''s fake or real."


    "It''s because you rarely smile at others, that''s why you seem stiff!"


    "Enough, just give me advice. I will think about it another time."


    "Hmm... You''re right... How about apologizing?"


    "Apologize? Me? Why? But I didn''t do anything wrong."


    "Is that person important to you?"


    "Important person? I don''t understand the meaning of the word ''important'' you''re referring to."


    "Hmm... How should I explain it... Ha! Someone who makes you not want to lose them! Do you not want to lose that person in your life?"


    "Yes... I think...," I answered quickly, but in truth, I was still unsure about it. But I knew that by doing so, my mother would give me an answer to my question.


    "If that person is very important to you, why don''t you apologize first? I think after that, she will realize her actions and also apologize to you. If her heart was good from the start, I believe that will happen."


    I didn''t really understand if Beatrice was important to me.


    Since Beatrice poured out her true feelings to me, I realized that I had lost my fighting spirit. I lost my reason to keep playing music. And I also lost my desire and hope that I could get from her.


    So if I were asked if Beatrice was very important to me, I might answer firmly that, "Beatrice is not important to me."


    Because from the beginning, I touched the piano to make Beatrice become someone important and valuable to me.


    "Friend...," maybe that''s the word I wanted from her. But that hope vanished since that day.


    In the end, I didn''t follow my mother''s advice. I thought apologizing to her while she still believed that she was hating me would only make our relationship worse. Even though in reality, it was already worse than the worst.


    "That''s her problem, there''s no use in me helping her. Because the one who can help her wake up now is not me. Not me, not someone else, or anyone she knows, but she herself who can save herself from the delusion and ambiguous self-hatred," that thought kept coming every day. Hoping that Beatrice would succeed in fighting to love herself, I continued to act normally. Because if I acted differently from usual, I was afraid that my hope to her would only be a hope forever.


    At least, that''s all I could do to help her.


    Every time we crossed paths, I would greet her with a smile.


    "Yo... Beatrice..."


    But she looked scared and avoided me every time. Every time she did that, I immediately remembered the first time she and I met when we were grown up enough and had thoughts as humans.


    "Ah... Our relationship has returned to that time," I thought strangely when I realized that my efforts seemed futile.


    And I started calling her Beatrice again, because I felt farther away from her. Since I realized that I was getting farther from her, I couldn''t call her by her nickname "Beako" anymore.


    Since then, I stopped music lessons.


    "Ehh? Why did you suddenly stop?" My mother asked when I told her that I stopped music lessons.


    "I''m bored..."


    "Huh? You, I know you''re a genius, but stop feeling bored when you have achieved something!"


    "Yes... I will try."


    "You... I won''t give you any other lessons if you don''t promise not to be like this again!"


    "Yes, I understand, from the beginning I felt that maybe I wouldn''t make an effort on anything anymore."


    "What''s wrong with you suddenly?"


    "I told you... I''m bored."


    "Huft... I don''t understand what''s on the mind of a genius child like you."


    Forgive me, mother, at that time I couldn''t be honest with you. Because actually, I wasn''t bored, I was just tired. I was tired of being the center of attention from the jealousy and hatred of others.


    After a few weeks passed, a miracle happened.


    I never expected that Beatrice would apologize to me and admit her wrongdoings in front of me. I felt a little happy, but I no longer expected anything from her.


    "If my hope didn''t vanish that day, could I cry tears of joy and hug her now?" I thought while listening to Beatrice''s apology.


    Since then, she kept appearing in front of me in a strange way every time we met. Perhaps that was her way of redeeming herself to me. By being a cheerful and always energetic friend. Or maybe that was her true self.


    I didn''t know which was true, but at that time, I was sure that my hope for her had completely vanished. But I hoped for a different hope to arise one day.


    Until today, I continue to wait for another hope, whether from someone else or from Beatrice herself. But my hope until today has never been fulfilled.


    My true hope is just one simple thing. That hope is, "to enjoy life."


    I don''t care about anything or anyone, as long as I believe I can experience that feeling, I will continue to hope for something.

 Chapter 4 - the gray man who wants to be honest

    call starts.


    [beako, I''m sorry.]


    [What''s the matter all of a sudden?]


    [As promised, would you like to go to a cafe with me?]


    [Are you really serious?]


    [Of course, I''m serious. Do you think I''m joking?]


    [If you want to do it for the same reason, then you don''t have to invite me. I''m on a diet and avoiding sweet foods.]


    [Please... I want to talk to you about something. I''ll be honest, for the first time.]


    [...]


    [Hey beako? Are you still mad at me?]


    [I''m not mad...]


    [If that''s the case, do you want to go?]


    [You''re really persistent... Alright, I''ll go. But you seem very serious this time, what do you want to talk about?]


    [I''ll tell you when you arrive. I''ll send you the place we''ll visit later.]


    [Sigh... Alright, what time?]


    [10 o''clock, you have piano lessons at 2, right? I don''t understand why you want to have piano lessons on a holiday.]


    [There''s nothing else I can do.]


    [Hmm... You''ve told me that multiple times. Anyway, as long as you enjoy it, that''s enough.]


    [Uhh... Your charming mouth is so smooth.]


    [Stop teasing me like that.]


    [You''re funny, you even started calling me "beako" again after so long. What''s up with you all of a sudden?]


    [I just don''t want to keep lying to myself.]


    [Ha? I don''t understand what you mean. But I''m looking forward to it tomorrow, good night... Will...]


    [Good night... Beako... Before that, can I ask you something?]


    [What else? I already said good night to you! You''re ruining the moment!]


    [I don''t understand what moment you''re talking about. But I want to ask this now, I don''t want to worry about it all night.]


    [Well... Alright, just ask.]


    [Are you still mad at me?]


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    [I''ve already said I''m not mad at you! How many times do I have to say it?]


    [I''m sorry... I just wanted to make sure, so my heart can feel at ease. Even if it''s a lie, at least I wouldn''t know and could feel at ease. Thank you...]


    [I''m not lying! You''re getting more annoying! Anyway, good night, I''m going to take a shower before bed.]


    [Yeah... Good night, beako. Or good shower?]


    [You''re annoying! I''m getting irritated! Bye!]


    [I''m sorry...]


    Call ends.


    **********#**********


    Morning has come and I start to wake up from my sleep. Opening my eyes, I am immediately greeted by my younger sister sitting on my stomach. Her long black hair covers my face. Her face being so close to mine makes me a bit uneasy.


    "Good morning, my dear brother!"


    "Maria... What are you doing there? Get down right now, I can''t get up."


    "You''re asking me what I''m doing? Of course, waking up my dear brother and also this sleepyhead. Don''t you like being woken up by your beloved little sister?"


    "Not because that-"


    "Hah! So you do like it, right? Finally, you''re honest with me, your beloved little sister."


    "Listen to me until I finish!"


    "Wow... Surprising, since when can you get angry?"


    "I''m not angry, it''s just that today I want to do something."


    "Wow... Surprising, my lazy brother wants to do something! What do you want to do?"


    "Before you ask that, can you get off my body first? You''re heavy..."


    "Even though you can be honest if you like this."


    "I''m not..."


    My sister looks sulky, but she starts to get off my body. Suddenly, she smiles as she remembers something and shouts, "oh! That''s right! I almost forgot!"


    "What?"


    She immediately kisses my left cheek, her long hair covering my face. Then she returns to her original position, smiling and saying, "morning kiss done!"


    "Can you get down now?"


    My sister looks sulky hearing that, but she still obeys me and gets off my body while grumbling, "your cute and adorable sister woke you up! You won''t get this treatment from any other girl!"


    "Well... you''re right..."


    "In that case, smile and at least enjoy it!"


    "I do enjoy it, I''m happy too."


    "Huh? Really?" She sits beside my bed, looking at me seriously.


    "What''s up?"


    "But you didn''t smile at all. Are you really happy with this?"


    "Yeah... I''m happy."


    "Hmm...," she smiles and says, "if that''s the case, I''ll keep doing it every day."


    "I don''t mind, but can you stop kissing my cheek every morning?"


    "Ehhh? Why? Don''t you like it?"


    "To be honest, it''s a bit disturbing for me."


    "Why? It''s a form of my love for you! Why are you bothered by that?"


    "Even if you ask me that, I don''t know. I just feel very annoyed every time you do it."


    "Why? Is it because your face is covered by my beautiful hair?" She says while holding her long hair with a sad expression.


    "I''m amazed you can brag about your hair while looking sad."


    "Ehehe... I''m good about this, right? Why don''t you join the drama club too? You can do this too! I''m sure you can do it easily if it''s you, brother."


    "I won''t join..."


    "Huh? Why? Are you doubting your abilities? Don''t worry, you can cry in my arms when that happens!"


    "It''s not that... Quite the opposite."


    The smile on my sister''s face slowly fades, leaving a thoughtful expression.


    "Are you... still thinking about that?"


    I smile after hearing that and reply, "how did you know?"


    "Of course I know, we''re... family, right?"


    "Hmm... You''re right."


    "And also..."


    "And also?"


    My sister suddenly smiles broadly and exclaims, "you just smiled! You smiled, right?"


    "Really? Oh, maybe... Maybe you''re right."


    "I''m sure I saw you smile earlier! Is that a genuine smile? Or fake? Which one is it?"


    "I don''t know."


    "Hmm... So that''s it, you usually would be honest with me and say if it''s fake. But now you look confused. That means...!"


    "That means?"


    "That means your smile this time is a genuine smile!"


    "Is that really true?"


    "Of course it is! Something you didn''t realize when you did it must have been done without any intention! You just honestly told yourself without realizing it."


    "Hmm... I hope you''re right."


    My sister starts to stand up from my bed and says, "I''m satisfied with what I got this morning. Thank you, brother... I''m going to take a shower now, I''ll go first!"


    She starts walking towards the door of my room. But before she disappears completely, I unintentionally call her name.


    "Maria..."


    She stops and looks back, asking, "hmm? What''s up, my beloved brother? Isn''t my love enough to make you satisfied? Do you want a hug?"


    "Not that."


    "Hmmpph... Disappointing, quickly say what you want," she looks sulky.


    "No... I just want to say something to you. Or maybe, reveal my true feelings to you."


    She looks surprised, then smiles and suddenly excitedly says, "you can''t do that, brother. I do love you, but we shouldn''t cross the line! Don''t continue your words to me or I will-"


    "Thank you."


    "Huh?"


    "Thank you for waking me up as usual and not getting tired of doing it every day."


    "Eh? You''re not usually honest like this, what''s up with you all of a sudden?"


    "Nothing happened, I just want to be honest. I thought by being honest, maybe my world could change."


    She smiles gently at me and replies, "I''m also thankful to you, brother. Thank you for being patient with every cute act of your sweet little sister."


    "It''s a bit annoying when you say that shamelessly."


    "But I''m just stating the truth. Am I wrong?"


    "No... Your right,You''re cute."


    "Ehehe... Thank you... Bye bye, my beloved brother, I''m going to take a shower."


    "Yeah..."


    Although my sister seems very annoying, she is actually one of the colors in my life. Maybe she is the color yellow, because she is always cheerful. Or is she the pink color that symbolizes love?


    All of that is not important, because what''s important is that she is my cute and very annoying little sister. But if her annoyance brings color to my days, then I don''t mind being bothered by her every day.


    I look at the clock showing that it''s already 7 o''clock. I''ll have breakfast and then head to meet Beatrice.


    But there''s still time after breakfast and it''s quite a while before the appointed time. In that case... maybe I''ll visit that person.

 Chapter 5 - tears in the morning

    Eating together with a harmonious family in a peaceful atmosphere. Those who do not feel happy in moments like this are those who never pay attention to their surroundings and only care about themselves. Because even me can enjoy it at this moment.


    My mother''s warm dishes in the morning. My father scolding me in the dining room to have breakfast together. And my little sister who just finished bathing and immediately jumped on my back for no clear reason.


    Everyone would immediately think the same thing when in my position.


    "Ah... So peaceful."


    "What''s peaceful you talking about?" My father asked while fiddling with his phone.


    I was slightly surprised to notice that my father was not wearing his usual grey suit in the morning. It was unusual for my father to wear casual clothes in the morning unless it was his day off.


    "Nothing, I was just talking to myself."


    "Hmm..."


    Suddenly, someone next to me called out, "big brother!", while offering a spoonful of cooked corn kernels.


    "Eh? What? What is this food?"


    "This is my way of showing love for you."


    "That''s not what I asked... Never mind."


    In the end, I let Maria feed me at that moment.


    I was slightly surprised because it tasted quite good on my tongue. The perfect balance of salty and sweet flavors, and the delicious corn taste from the start, made my eyes widen a bit more than usual out of surprise.


    "Mom... What is this?"


    My mother, still in the kitchen waiting for something, smiled.


    "Delicious, right? This is a dish that grandma used to make for me when i am was still a child. I don''t even know what it''s called."


    "Heh... The salt and sugar blend so well."


    "Hehe... You can tell? That''s right, the salt creates the salty taste and the sugar creates the sweet taste. By balancing these two flavors, this dish is created. This seasoning is quite practical, you know! Because not only corn can be processed like this."


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    "Hmm... Very versatile."


    "Isn''t it? But if the seasoning is slightly off, it will ruin the overall taste. And this is too simple, you must like normal food, right? Sorry, today I wanted to try this dish."


    "No... Honestly, I don''t mind, and it tastes good."


    Maria also nodded in agreement.


    However, unlike what I expected, my mother''s expression seemed sad.


    My father, focused on his phone, immediately put it down and stood up from his chair to approach my mother in the kitchen.


    I didn''t know what the two of them were whispering about in the kitchen right now. But one thing I was sure of, I was sure that my mother was crying.


    But I didn''t know why she was crying. Humans don''t cry without a reason.


    From the current situation, it was impossible for my father to be the reason my mother was crying. Instead, he was helping to calm my mother who was sad.


    I looked at Maria, but she shook her head, indicating that she also didn''t know what was happening. That meant my mother was crying because of something other than what was happening at home.


    My mother wouldn''t cry so much just because of a broken item or losing her personal belongings. It must be because of someone''s actions, or someone she was crying for.


    Slowly, I began to understand the general outline of what was happening. The problem was within my mother''s family. Because only my mother was crying, while my father seemed calm and was trying to comfort my mother.


    I took my father''s phone because I knew the answer was on his phone. Because my father, who didn''t seem to be getting ready for work, was busy with his phone. That wasn''t his usual friendly and loving attitude towards his family.


    I know my father and mother well, and I couldn''t doubt that the father and mother in my mind were different from the real ones. That''s why I was sure something strange was happening when my father held his phone and looked serious while eating breakfast.


    I looked at my father''s phone screen. Slowly, there was a message notification from someone. And when I opened it, I immediately understood what was happening.


    Maria, who also looked over out of curiosity, almost shouted.


    "She''s dea...!"


    But before she could finish her sentence, I covered her mouth tightly while hugging her. She started to weaken and even returned the hug, but slowly her warm gaze and happy smile faded slightly as she looked towards my mother.


    After that, Maria laid her head on my chest and murmured, "so, grandma... has left us."


    "Maria..."


    "I''m sorry... Can we have this loving embrace for a little longer, big brother?"


    "It''s okay... I don''t mind even if my clothes get wet. If that can make you feel better."


    "I''m sorry... I look pitiful right now, sniff..."


    "No... You are still cute..."


    "Ehehe... Thanks... My beloved big brother..."


    "Yeah... My cute little sister..."


    "you are very kind today..."


    "Just for today..."


    "Ehehe... I''m kidding, you''re kind every day... Hiks..."


    I didn''t expect my little sister to cry like my mother. But I wasn''t surprised to learn that my little sister was feeling sad. Because my little sister was very close to my grandmother since she was little.


    Every year we visited our grandparents'' house during the summer holidays as a routine. It had become our family''s annual tradition.


    We were never worried about going hungry at grandma''s house. Because we knew grandma would always prepare a variety of dishes every time we visited her just so we could taste all her cooking.


    But now, the kind-hearted and cooking-loving grandma was no longer in this world. I... No, not just me, I, my father, mother, and Maria would never see grandma''s dishes again. And we would never see the warm face and welcoming smile that greeted us every year when we visited.


    The front of my shirt was wet, it was from Maria''s tears. The sounds of two girls crying could be heard in my house at that moment, it was my mother and my little sister.


    Meanwhile, my father just looked at me with a sad expression. I was sure the sadness was there because he felt sorry seeing my mother cry. Especially when he realized Maria was also crying when he turned to me hugging Maria who was crying. But slowly he smiled at me while continuing to hug my mother.


    "You don''t need to worry about me either," I thought after seeing his smile.


    I knew he wanted me to think he was okay. He wanted to appear calm, no... Honestly, he had to be calm. Because the only one who had the right to comfort my mother at that moment was him. If my father wasn''t calm and started crying now, I would be the one in trouble.


    But I knew my father was a strong person... No, he had to be strong. He was a man not because he was strong... But he was a man because he had to be strong. It was a man''s responsibility to hold back when seeing someone else unable to hold themselves back. Especially if that someone was their own family.


    I admire you, father, because you still think of me. But you don''t need to worry about me. Because I don''t even know what feelings are in my heart right now.

 Chapter 6 - understand yourself, understand others

    Kindness is not flirting. Someone is kind to you simply because they genuinely want to be kind to everyone. That doesn''t mean you are special for that person.


    Attention is not love. They are just a good listener or they simply pity you. If you think being noticed by someone is a sign that they love you, then stop thinking like that before you regret it.


    Silence is not anger. Sometimes when someone who is usually cheerful suddenly becomes quiet, it may make you think that they are angry. However, not everyone is like that, there are many other factors you can observe to reconsider what they are feeling at that moment. Maybe they just need some time alone.


    Tears are not weakness. In fact, people who cry are strong. Because crying doesn''t mean they give up on something. Perhaps they just want to release the burden of emotions they have been carrying to feel a little better afterwards.


    These are just my theories, and there are many other things, all filled with ambiguity. There is no theory that can accurately be used to decipher the meaning behind a person''s behavior. Therefore, judging a person solely based on first impressions and determining their personality right away is an arrogant act.


    Humans are not a god who knows everything and controls someone''s fate. Humans cannot become gods, yet humans always feel like they are gods. It''s ironic because even I often do the same thing.


    And one of those times was when I first saw Beatrice. Her strange behavior around others when we were kids turned out not to be from herself. But there were other factors that made her appear that way.


    I was right when I guessed that Beatrice was someone lonely. But she''s not, she is Humans of the same kind as mine only at that time. Because afterwards, she tried to rise above the incident that happened to her that day.


    "Hey Beatrice, back when you stayed at my house when we were kids. Why did you always look sad?"


    "Huh? What do you mean?"


    "You seemed lonely even though surrounded by the laughter of other kids playing with you. It has made me curious all this time."


    "Oh... That... It''s because my dog died. The reason I seemed scared of you at that time was also because of that. Because usually, Coni always watched over me and made me feel safe at all times. But right before my parents went out of town, Coni died. Loneliness started to creep into me, I also became more sensitive towards others because Coni, who always watched over me, was gone. But slowly I realized that I couldn''t always be like this. And there are other things that also helped me overcome my loneliness."


    "What are those other things?"


    "You."


    That conversation took place when we started to become close in the second year of junior high school. I didn''t understand why her hatred was slowly turning into something different.


    She would greet me when I was alone. She would also appear around me for no reason. And she was always attentive to me even in front of others.


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    If others thought we were two people falling in love, they were wrong. Because Beatrice at that time just wanted to do that as a redemption for the hatred she had harbored towards me all this time.


    But honestly, I didn''t mind. I just lost my hope in her. It wasn''t like I lost something valuable to me. Because from the beginning, hope was just hope, losing something that hadn''t materialized wouldn''t make me feel broken. It''s just... There was a bit of disappointment in my heart. Disappointment from being betrayed by expectations I had created on my own.


    But even so, Beatrice remained a kind-hearted person. She was sad because her pet died. It indicated that she had a good heart and was sensitive to her own emotions. And being treated as someone special by a girl made me feel comfortable. Even though the reason was quite disappointing, as long as her intentions were good, I didn''t mind it.


    Beatrice was the opposite of me, who didn''t even understand simple emotions of a human. I understood what others felt. But I didn''t understand my own feelings. It didn''t mean I didn''t have feelings. But sometimes there were complicated feelings in situations that had never occurred, and that confused me.


    Like Beatrice, who felt sad when her dog died. Did I also feel sad now after finding out that my grandmother had passed away?


    "But if I feel sad, why am I not crying like my little sister and my mother?" I thought after breakfast that day finally ended.


    My mother finally regained control of her emotions and started having breakfast with us. My father, being attentive, pampered my mother in various ways he could as a husband.


    I felt happy, because I should be happy. I was the odd one out when I didn''t feel happy knowing that my family was filled with people who supported each other.


    Right now, I am under the bridge near my house. The bridge where I found Liam that day. Every time I look at the water below that bridge, I always remember Liam, who almost drowned but kept trying to swim against the very strong current. If I had been a second late at that time, maybe Liam would never have gotten a name like he does now.


    "Be strong, uncle."


    "Yes... Thank you, Will."


    Slowly I left the place after talking about a few things with a man who lived there.


    And now my next destination is a caf¨¦. Beatrice should be waiting for me there. But as I climbed the stairs to the main road, Beatrice was already at the top of the stairs waiting for me with a smile.


    I walked and kept walking towards her. And when I felt my voice could reach her, I began to call out to her.


    "Beatrice... What are you doing?"


    "Just waiting for a kind-hearted boy."


    "What do you mean by saying that, you won''t get anything even if you praise me."


    "Hehe... As usual, you''re always here at this hour on holidays."


    "How do you know that?"


    " It''s Secret," she said with a proud look.


    I started walking to head to the caf¨¦ we had agreed on the night before.


    "Let''s go there quickly."


    "Ehh? Aren''t you curious? Ask me again!"


    "You said it''s a secret..."


    "Force me!"


    "No need if you don''t want to."


    "Huft... Coward..." Beatrice started following my steps and walked beside me.


    "Um, Beatrice..."


    "What?"


    "This is about what I want to talk about."


    "What is it?"


    "I want us to remain friends, even if you will be angry with me after this."


    "Hoo... What could make me angry? I''m looking forward to it."


    "I''m sorry... for suddenly pressuring you like this."


    "Don''t worry, I know you much better than you think. If you''re this serious, then you''re really serious. And I already know pretty well what you want to talk about."


    "You know?"


    "I don''t know what it is about, but I know how your mind works. How you see others, how you judge others, how you treat others. I know all of that, because I''ve always been watching you."


    "Yeah... I know..."


    "... That''s why... I know you also don''t intend to make me angry. You''re just afraid that I will act the same way as when we were in the music club room, right?"


    "Beatrice... How well do you understand me?"


    "I''ve told you before... I''ve always been watching you... That''s why I''m going to say it now. Maybe what you''re going to say will hurt, but I won''t erupt in anger at you again."


    At the end of her words, she smiled gently at me while continuing to walk by my side.


    "Thank you... Beako."


    Her smile slowly faded in surprise, but she then smiled again while replying, "yeah... You''re welcome."


    "Yeah..."


    "You finally called me Beako again when we met face to face."


    "I''ll stop if you don''t like it."


    "No... On the contrary... I want you to keep doing it and not stop like back then."


    "Okay... If that''s what you want..."


    After that, we continued to walk and talk about various things with laughter. Because both of us knew that at the caf¨¦ later, it might be the end of our relationship.


    But at this moment, I realized something else. That others even understand me more than I understand myself.


    That''s why I think I would be sad if my relationship with Beatrice ended. That''s why I hope it never happens forever, even after I am honest with her.

 Chapter 7 - fear and jealousy

    "Hey grandma... Is life fun?"


    "Hmm? Why are you asking that, William?"


    "I don''t understand everything. I understand a lot of things, but feel like I don''t understand everything. Why do humans have to live a life without a clear direction? Hasn''t our fate been determined since we were born? Why do we have to strive for something that has already been decided?"


    "Will...," at that moment, my grandma''s face looked strange. She seemed sympathetic towards me, but I didn''t understand why.


    But now I understand, she felt sorry for me because I had been thinking about it since I was a child.


    "Hey Will! Why are you daydreaming?" shouted a girl sitting in front of me.


    The girl was Beatrice, and now I was in the cafe that had been promised to her.


    Her casual clothes that looked simple and the yellow skirt made her look very bright when looked at.


    Her blue eyes were now looking at me in confusion.


    Feeling like I should explain, I started to reply, "I was just thinking about something."


    "Hmm... About what?"


    "My family."


    "Huh? What''s wrong with your family?"


    "Never mind, I''m here with you not to talk about this."


    "Ehhh? You''ve already made me curious and now you don''t want to talk about it anymore? Come on, tell me."


    "It''s not important, and it has nothing to do with you."


    "Of course it has to do with me!"


    "Hah?"


    "We''re friends, right? My friend''s family is having problems, that''s reason enough for me to know what''s going on. Tell me, what''s happening."


    I fell silent, looking at her serious eyes. I knew I couldn''t escape from her when she looked at me like that. She seemed very eager to help me, and that was clearly visible on her face.


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    "Actually-"


    I didn''t get the chance to tell Beatrice about my grandmother''s condition at that moment. Because my attention was diverted elsewhere, to a truck that seemed out of control and heading towards the cafe where I was.


    In that brief moment, my first thought was to find a way to move deeper into the cafe to reduce the impact of the threat of injury, or even worse, death.


    I grabbed Beatrice''s hand, who was still in a panic but hadn''t started running because she was still shocked and couldn''t quickly read the situation.


    As I had expected, the truck crashed into the front of the cafe, including where Beatrice and I were sitting. But we managed to survive, although Beatrice looked very shocked after witnessing the incident.


    I looked outside the cafe to assess the situation. Everyone near the cafe started entering to check on the people inside, including myself.


    "Ahhhh! It hurts! Help! Help me!" Someone shouted from inside the cafe.


    Everyone rushed to help the woman trapped between the truck and the cafe wall. There was also someone whose leg was broken as they managed to dodge but their leg was crushed by the truck''s wheel. But I didn''t look back even a bit, even though I already knew. Because I was sure that there would be many other people helping them.


    It''s not that I lack empathy as a human, but this was more efficient for me, as I felt the need to do something else.


    What I had actually anticipated but didn''t expect to happen was finding someone lurking from a distance and disappearing by running into narrow alleys.


    I saw the direction they ran off to and disappeared for a few seconds with my own eyes. I could have done something about the person who fled. But I thought I didn''t need to. Because I saw the color of their eyes. The person was a girl, and her eye color was blue.


    I knew that the person they were targeting at the moment was only one person. And that person was Beatrice, I was just a victim who wasn''t originally planned to be harmed, because I wasn''t on their list of targets.


    Beatrice was a talented person, not only in piano but in other things as well. Her blue eyes were a symbol that she had esper talent within her, and the blue color indicated her affinity with the element of water was very strong.


    In this world, sometimes people are born with talents from birth. Everyone calls them "gifted" as "esper." And Beatrice was one of those talented individuals. And those at the top of the talented individuals are called "extraordinaire."


    Extraordinaire is slightly different from regular espers. Because their eye color changes every hour or even every minute, depending on the emotions that arise in that person''s heart. Their abilities are also very different and diverse compared to other ordinary espers who can only rely on the natural elements on Earth.


    But honestly, I didn''t care too much about issues like this. Getting involved in this would only disturb my peaceful life.


    I returned to the cafe and approached Beatrice, who was trying to help calm the injured people while others started calling an ambulance.


    Seeing me approaching her, Beatrice ran towards me.


    "Um... Will... Can you?"


    "Can I what?"


    "...," she fell silent, looking towards the injured people.


    I realized what Beatrice meant by her question to me.


    "Sorry... I never studied medicine. And even if I could, I don''t have the equipment to use. But at the very least, their pain should be alleviated temporarily before the ambulances arrive."


    "How can we do that?"


    "Cold water... Just apply it to the wounds. Or if you don''t want any hassle, just use the alcohol in the emergency medical kit. That should work if they''re willing to do it."


    "Cold water? Alright..."


    Beatrice immediately ran and spoke with the store owner. And not long after, the store owner looked at me, then went back to talk to Beatrice before going somewhere and returning with a bucket full of water and ice cubes.


    Commotion started near the car that caused this incident.


    I didn''t need to see clearly to know what had actually happened. The driver had been dead from the start, specifically when the side of the truck was directed towards this cafe. Someone had done it intentionally, they even dared to kill innocent people just to complete their task.


    But this was the dumbest murder I had ever seen. The killer who targeted Beatrice seemed so cowardly that they had to do something as complicated and foolish as this.


    That person could have pretended to be nice and friendly when approaching Beatrice and then stabbed her with a knife. But they didn''t do it, it was clear they were an amateur. An amateur killer who intentionally involved innocent people just because of their cowardice and foolishness in their actions.


    "Who sent this foolish person?" I thought even though I already knew in general who had ordered it. And I was very certain that person was afraid of Beatrice''s talent as an esper. Because Beatrice had the potential to surpass their child, family, or even themselves who also had an affinity with the element of water.


    In conclusion, all of this happened out of fear and jealousy.