ã€ŠReborn to a Life of Torture: Peaceã€‹


 Chapter 1: Agregoph

    The man gasped, clutching at his side as he staggered his way up the mountain side. A benevolently evil witch lived up there, the town had said, capable of curing the drowning sickness. She would never ask for anything. She also might not be home. But he was dying. So he climbed, making what might be his last trek of his short life if she was not there.

    The witch had made her home on the mountain near the town of Seyiki. A mountain, he had scoffed upon seeing it. The only claim it had to that name was that it was a few hundred gwear at most above the rolling hills of Myashinmar. The people of Seyiki had never seen a real mountain before. But then, he also had never seen a lake as massive as the one by the town. He was more inclined to believe it was a sea with how far it stretched, so he couldn¡¯t comment on the naming conventions. Regardless of his opinion of the mountain, with the way his chest was burning, he might as well have been climbing the tallest peak he''d ever seen.

    He could see why she lived there. The lake that Seyiki depended on for food and water was fed by a stream that traveled along the pathway to her house, with trees lining the path on the other side. If the man were to turn around and look behind him, a view of crystal blue waters stretching as far as he could see with a quaint town bordering it¡¯s shores to the east, fields of lilacs, lavender, and oleander to the south, and the rolling green hills of Myashinmar to the west would be what he would be able to admire, if he were so inclined to do.

    But he was not.

    And his strength was failing him.

    He could see the little cottage up ahead, and despite the time of day ¨C late into the evening ¨C there was no fire inside. The cottage was dead dark. Just like he feared he soon would be. His cry of anguish at his misfortune of catching her while she had been gone turned into a cry of surprise as he tripped over his own two feet. The cry was cut short as his head struck the ground and his world went black.

    From the tree line a few paces behind him, a small figure with long, black hair and golden skin watched. They darted forward to catch the scrawny man as he fell, but they were a few steps too late. A sigh escaped the pink painted lips as the figure knelt down beside him and tentatively placed two fingers against his throat. Weak pulse, clammy skin, pale, almost looked malnourished, but they knew better. They had dealt with what this world called the drowning sickness many times before.

    After the figure had checked his pulse ¨C weak, but steady ¨C they held themselves there for a few moments longer, savoring the serene moment of being able to touch another before they lumped the man¡¯s limp form onto their back and stood. While they were neither strong nor tall ¨C being shorter than practically everyone they had met outside some teenagers and younger ¨C the man was light from the degradation caused by the sickness devouring his body. With the man secure on their back, they waddled the last lee up the road to the cottage, and after putting him to bed, started preparing the herbs that would ¨C with any luck ¨C save the man¡¯s life.

    His green eyes fluttered open, a soft light creeping in through the window to his left, and a young girl sleeping on the floor next to him. He wished he had the strength to get up and place her on the bed in his place, but he was weak. Despite knowing he wasn¡¯t strong enough ¨C he¡¯d barely had the strength the day before to get up ¨C he tried futilely anyway.

    And he sat up.

    Shocked, he looked himself up and down, realizing he¡¯d definitely gained weight since yesterday and his skin didn¡¯t look as gaunt over his frame ¨C not that it was of a healthy level, just less than before. And he felt quite a bit stronger, besides.

    He stretched his fingers out experimentally before getting up gingerly. He hadn¡¯t heard that the witch had a child ¨C quite the opposite in fact, she lived alone per all reports, but here was a child. So he did what anyone would do and went to pick her up to put her in the bed.

    The girl woke with a startled scream when he touched her and she scrambled away, looking at him with ¨C was that fear? ¨C in her eyes. This was a reaction he had never seen before, much less directed at himself. Either way, he held up his hands placatingly. ¡°Are you okay?¡± he rasped, his voice still a little rough around the edges from the sickness and weeks of coughing.

    She responded with a simple, ¡°hi¡± and after a moment of confusion, the man smiled and blushed, scratching the back of his head as he murmured, ¡°oh, right, yes, I should start with introdu¡ª¡±

    She shook her head, ¡°sorry, my language¡¯s word for yes sounds the same as an informal greeting in your language,¡± she corrected. Her accent was strange to the man¡¯s ears. He wasn¡¯t foreign to them as a whole, but this girl¡¯s? Hers was definitely new to him.

    ¡°My, you had me scared that I¡¯d frightened you,¡± the man said, his tone soft, relieved, and playful. A few beats passed as he awaited a response, and when he didn¡¯t get one, he continued, a little more cautious. ¡°Where is your mother, hun?¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s dead,¡± the girl responded nonchalantly, brushing off her brown pants as she got up and looked up to him.

    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry to hear that,¡± the man said genuinely, his mind placing the girl as an orphan. ¡°Is the witch still here?¡±

    ¡°Witch?¡± she asked, looking askance. ¡°I am the only one here. Is that what they¡¯re calling me now?¡±

    ¡°Wait, you¡¯re the one who healed me?¡± it was now his turn to be taken aback. This small slip of a thing?

    The girl nodded and moved over to pick up a gray bottle by the head of the bed. ¡°It was rough for around a week and I think you almost died several times despite my best efforts, but I helped you. Sorry I wasn¡¯t able to get you up and moving faster¡­¡±

    A week? The man staggered as he sat back down in shock and the girl¡¯s eyes widened as she rushed over to him. ¡°Are you okay? Do you feel light headed? Dizzy? Do you need a pot?¡± she asked, putting her fingers up to his neck.

    He just shook his head, ¡°no, I¡¯m¡­ okay. How long have I been here?¡± he asked, still a bit uncertain.

    ¡°It¡¯s been around fifteen days since you fell about half a lee up the road. The first week was when you were at the worst, which the head injury didn¡¯t help with. Most of the last week was just spent helping you regain your strength. Today¡¯s the first day you¡¯ve been lucid and it¡¯s kind of surprising that you were able to stand. You should still rest, but I won¡¯t stop you if you want to leave.¡±

    ¡°By the gods, thank you Miss¡­?¡± He trailed off as he asked her name, but she fervently shook her head to him.

    ¡°No thanks, no payment needed. I don¡¯t want to owe you anything. Hinaka.¡±

    Owe him? What was up with her? ¡°I¡­ I think I will lay back down, Miss Hinaka. I think I may be hallucinating.¡± His voice was dazed and Hinaka helped to ease him back into the bed, then covered him with a crudely made daisy yellow blanket that barely covers the man. ¡°I¡¯m Agregoph,¡± the man said placidly as he laid down.

    ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you, Mister Agregoph, I''m in your care,¡± the witch replied with a small bow.

    Definitely hallucinating, he thought as the darkness pulled his consciousness back to the sleeping void.

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    Agregoph groaned as he woke up again, bright light filtering into the room from his left, blinding him through his closed eyelids. He covered his eyes with his arm, not really wanting to get up. If he were to be honest with himself, he didn¡¯t even know how he¡¯d gotten up earlier with as weary as his body felt now, and he¡¯d only been sleeping since then. He laid there, listening to the birds singing their morning melodies, a mix of light chirps mixed with longer, deeper calls every now and again.

    A few minutes later, he heard the soft footsteps of someone approaching and dropped his arm and opened his eyes. The young girl had stopped by the door frame to the small room, holding a wooden tray with a gray jar and some leaves and fruits on it. She kneeled next to the bed, offering him one of the fruits.

    ¡°What is it, Hinaka?¡± he asked, eyeing the red fruit suspiciously as he gingerly lifted it from her fingers.

    ¡°Strawberry,¡± was her matter of fact reply. ¡°Sweet, sometimes sour. Normally pretty sweet though. Didn¡¯t know what you like, but most people like these that I''ve met. If you don''t like, I can get something else for you. It just¡­ may take a few hours.¡± She seemed uncertain as she spoke, almost as if she had expected him to not like it.

    On his part, Agregoph had never heard of ¡°strawberry¡± before, much less eaten one. With an internal shrug of his shoulders, he popped the fruit into his mouth¡­ and wasn¡¯t sure what to make of it. He hadn¡¯t really cared for sweets, so it wasn¡¯t like he liked it, but he didn¡¯t dislike it either. He scrunched his nose in concentration for a moment while chewing until he swallowed then turned to face Hinaka. ¡°It¡¯s okay¡­¡± he admitted, plucking another off the tray and tossing it into his mouth.

    ¡°Oh,¡± her tone had dropped a bit at this, which took Agregoph back a bit. She set down the tray on the solid log she¡¯d been using for an end table and stood, brushing off her pants in the process. ¡°Is there anything you¡¯d prefer?¡± she ventured, looking down to him in the bed.

    Agregoph hummed thoughtfully, taking a moment to think about it before responding, ¡°maybe some pork soup?¡±

    ¡°I¡­¡± There was a bated pause as she thought about it, then shrugged. ¡°Okay.¡± She then gestured to the jar, ¡°if you start to have a headache or if pain comes back, that will help. It¡¯s only a single dose, but it should hold you off until I get back and can get you more. It will make you sleepy though. Side effect of both the willow bark and Valerian root that¡¯s used in it. It uh. Won¡¯t taste very good. I tried to offset it with some honey and mint, but.¡±

    Agregoph tilted his head at her, but nodded despite himself. ¡°Where are you going?¡±

    ¡°To town. Need to get some stuff.¡±

    ¡°Do you need any funds? I have some that I can spare, it¡¯s the least I can do for you¡ª¡±

    ¡°No. No payment necessary.¡± She turned and started heading out of the room. ¡°Try not to get up, you may not be able to get back into bed. There¡¯s a pot there if you need to use it, but if you can¡¯t, I can clean up after I get back.¡±

    He blanched at that, ¡°I¡¯d prefer not having a young girl clean up after me¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not a girl,¡± Hinaka replied, a hint of irritation in her voice. ¡°Just because I¡¯m shorter than everyone, it doesn¡¯t make me a child. And who do you think kept you clean for the past two weeks?¡± With that, she left ¨C at least, she left the room. Agregoph could still hear her pattering around in the room beyond.

    ¡°Oh.¡± Agregoph whispered into the air, a bit shell-shocked at both revelations. He figured he really should have known that she was older than she looked ¨C how could a child have saved his life? But now he was left wondering how old she actually was. And about the cleaning. He only hoped he hadn¡¯t made too much of a mess for her.

    After a few minutes, he heard the door open and her call out something that sounded like eating something? He didn¡¯t quite catch it, but the door shut before he could really respond and he slumped back into bed. He laid there for what felt like three hours thinking about the strange woman who¡¯d been treating him.

    Looking back over encounters he¡¯d previously had with others, he tried to think of even one person in his life who had been like her and simply couldn¡¯t. Her accent was foreign and the way her eyes slanted was foreign, both things he¡¯d never encountered before. Those he¡¯d met with similarly golden skin often didn¡¯t have hair as black as hers, nor as straight, and those that did, were often much darker in skin color besides. Maybe she was from another land? He knew there were lands behind the Mystic Waters, but it was extremely rare for anyone to make that voyage due to the dangerous waters and even more dangerous creatures within. She must have been from there, though. That was the only logical other place she could come from, as she definitely wasn¡¯t from Yurgo.

    Around what felt like the two-and-a-half hour mark, he started getting a headache again, due in no small part to thinking about Hinaka. By the third hour, it had gotten worse and she still hadn¡¯t come back, so he picked up the jar and sniffed it. Almost immediately he recoiled from the foot-like smell of it. But the pain was getting worse, so he plugged his nose and drank it quickly, trying not to gag. It wasn¡¯t as bad as it smelt ¨C better than some of the remedies his grandmother had made him ¨C but it was still horrendous. He downed the entire contents of the jar and settled back down.

    Not long after, he woke to the feeling of something wet being placed across his forehead and the aroma of a citrusy pork broth nearby. When he opened his eyes, Hinaka was just pulling back from laying a wet cloth across his forehead. ¡°How ¨C how long was I out?¡±

    Hinaka shrugged her shoulders. ¡°Not sure. You were asleep when I got back and it took a couple of hours to make the food. When I was done, your fever spiked up a bit again, so.¡± She gestured to the cloth on his head. ¡°Do you have an appetite?¡±

    With a nod, he sat up a bit as she picked up a crudely made bowl full of mostly liquid and held it up to his lips. He took a sip of it, about all he was allowed before she lowered the bowl again. The liquid was flavorful, though there was some spice that seemed to leave a tingling, numbing-like feel on his tongue and his throat. ¡°What¡¯s the spice?¡± he asked after taking a few more sips that she offered him.

    ¡°Where I¡¯m from, we call it ch¨±goku sansh¨­. I¡¯m not sure what it¡¯s called here, but it helps with sore throats. It comes from some trees with a bunch of thorns and groups of red fruits. There¡¯s also bajiru -again, not sure what it¡¯s called here - a small green herb with a peppery smell. And finally, shio, which is¡­ well, salt.¡±

    He stared at her blankly for the first two ingredients ¨C he knew of the trees she spoke of, but had never heard of them being used for medicine before. He always thought they were just aesthetic trees with no real use, especially since they weren¡¯t ones that he normally saw near apothecary shops. The other one, he wasn¡¯t familiar with based on her descriptions.

    ¡°I know of the¡­ ch¨±goku sansh¨®?¡± he said, questioningly as he tries to replicate her pronunciation of it, and when she nodded, he continued, ¡°didn¡¯t know it had a use outside of aesthetics. I also know about salt ¨C most people do. Not sure about bagilu, though, based on your description.¡± He continued to sip at the soup though, enjoying the flavors she¡¯d decided to use.

    Over the next few days, Agregoph stayed with Hinaka, gathering up more strength. He learned precious little about her, not for lack of trying, but because every time he tried to ask about her life prior to Seyiki, she spoke of things he didn¡¯t entirely understand. Tokyo, Japan, and trains all sounded confusing to him. He did find out about an girlfriend named Kanasakichan, but he didn¡¯t understand anything about her world other than it was extremely different from his own. So he stopped asking. The way she spoke of it, it sounded like she was expecting to never return or see anyone from her homeland again.

    And that bothered him, and made him sad on her behalf.

    On the night before he planned to leave, he awoke to the sounds of screams. Immediately, Agregoph was on high alert, adrenaline coursed through his veins as he looked for whatever was attacking his new found friend only to find¡­ nothing.

    Hinaka was on the floor, screaming and shielding herself against ghosts, so far as he could tell. He approached her cautiously, a tentative hand reaching out before hesitantly touching her arm. The physical contact seemed to make her flinch and shy away from him, so he removed his hand and tried calling out to her instead. ¡°Hey Hinaka, wake up, it¡¯s just a nightmare.¡± But his voice was drowned out by her screams. He tried a bit more forcefully, and this seemed to at least calm her down, so he tried to touch her again, and watched as she flinched away from him again.

    He could see her dark eyes opened now, tears streaming down her cheeks, but as he tried to talk to her and was only met with silence, he got the distinct feeling she wasn¡¯t actually there.

    He had figured out why they called her benevolent while he was in her care. The next day, after a sleepless night watching the young woman cry silently, he made his way back to his own village, ruminating on his interactions with her over the past week, and realized, also, why they called her evil.

    There was something definitely wrong with her, and not only did he not know what, but he didn¡¯t know how to help or even where to begin.

 Chapter 2: Almmiir

    First day on the job! Almmiir was ecstatic for his luck. He¡¯d been trying to get a position in a caravan for months, and finally, a caravan had accepted him into their guard after he had proved himself formidable enough to the captain. The duel had been simple: land a blow on the captain before he had a potential lethal blow on Almmiir. Well, simple in concept. In reality, Captain Ira had definitely held back and not only given him tips during the duel, but also let him hit her in the end. He knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

    But, she gave him the all clear to the caravan lead, so now was his first journey outside of Myriak! He¡¯d finally get to explore Yurgo and get paid to do so, a dream job, even if it meant putting his life on the line against wild animals, it was still better than standing around his little town fighting off those same creatures.

    Besides, rumor had it, they would be dropping by Seyiki and picking up their witch. Myriak had heard rumors of her: a woman capable of healing most ailments, her medicines more capable than any others in the land. She was just, reclusive by nature. The fact that she¡¯d actually asked for a caravan¡¯s assistance had come as a shock to the people of Seyiki, but like many of the smaller towns, they were resourceful, and knew the patterns of the caravans. Shellick Shill¡¯s caravan just happened to be heading in the same direction, and they¡¯d just picked up one heroic Almmiir Gresintock!

    Three days later when Almmiir actually met the witch, his enthusiasm deflated a bit. She was so short, but her reputation was far grander than anyone her size has any right to, in his estimation. His delusions took another blow when Captain Ira pulled him aside.

    ¡°You¡¯re to keep her safe,¡± his captain told him, a comforting hand on his shoulder, as if she knew he wouldn''t like this, but her voice stern enough that there was only one reply he could give:

    ¡°Yes ma¡¯am.¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s a high value asset to our caravan right now, so it''s more important than it may seem at the moment,¡± she said encouragingly, obviously trying to appeal to Almmiir¡¯s desire for greatness.

    It worked. Kinda. ¡°Thank you, ma¡¯am! I will protect her with my very being!¡± He beamed at her with pride, and she returned the smile before dismissing him with a chuckle.

    ¡°Greetings, ma¡¯am!¡± he had enthusiastically exclaimed to her when he met her. ¡°I¡¯m Sir Almmiir Gresintock! I will be your body guard during this journey.¡±

    Her reply was muted and formal in a way that had stunned him: ¡°Good day, Sir Almmiir Gresintock. I¡¯m Hinaka. I will be in your care... I am terribly sorry that someone as distinguished as you has to look after someone like me.¡± And then bowed to him!

    Everyone had looked at them, confused as to why the Witch of Seyiki was bowing to him, a common guard! He felt his face flush a deep crimson as he quickly tried to get her to stop. ¡°Uh, no no no, that¡¯s okay, Hinaka! You needn¡¯t be so formal, please.¡±

    She seemed to hesitate for a beat before standing up straight, but she didn¡¯t look up to him after. ¡°As you wish.¡±

    ¡°Soooo where are you from!?¡± His hand reached up to drag through his dirty blonde hair as he walked beside her. It was later the same afternoon they''d met, the two walking aside by side next to one of the carriages.

    The glance of her black eyes towards him didn''t go unnoticed as she took a bit of time to respond. ¡°Seyiki.¡±

    ¡°Before that, I mean.¡±

    To this, he didn''t get a response. She just stared off into the distance for a bit, and Almmiir decided to change the subject. ¡°I¡¯m going to be a hero one day!¡±

    ¡°What kind?¡±

    ¡°The¡­ uhm.. the kind that¡¯s known for protecting caravans!¡± His smile waned a bit, but he pushed through it.

    ¡°You must be good at it then, Sir Almmiir Gresintock.¡± While she looked in his direction, she didn¡¯t look up at him. It was discomforting for the guard, who offered a wry, almost pained smile.

    ¡°This is my first time,¡± he murmured bashfully, some of his boastfulness fading, but it came back as he realized something. ¡°But Captain Ira entrusted a high-value client like you to me!¡±

    She stumbled a bit at that and while he moved to try and catch her, she waved him off before he could touch her, having already regained her balance. ¡°I¡¯m no where¡¯s near important enough to need protection from a hero in the making,¡± was her reply, soft and a little surprised.

    ¡°Captain Ira thinks you are,¡± Almmiir proclaimed.

    ¡°Captain Ira must be mistaken then,¡± the petite woman mumbled.

    ¡°Are you implying that I don¡¯t know how to do my job?¡± came the reply from behind the two. Hinaka jumped, startled into turning around, while Almmiir just looked at his captain with a polite nod of his head.

    ¡°I¡ªI would never! Sorry that I implied that!¡± Hinaka¡¯s rushed answer spills forth, and Captain Ira reached up to ruffle the woman¡¯s black hair affectionately.

    ¡°I¡¯m teasing, little healer,¡± came the gruff reply from Almmiir¡¯s commanding officer. ¡°Almmiir is new, yes, but I have high hopes for my newest guard. And you are our important guest.¡±

    ¡°I¡ªBut, Captain Ira, I can¡¯t pay for that¡­¡± complains the woman. ¡°All my¡ª¡±

    ¡°You can repay me by attending to my employees if anything happens,¡± Captain Ira interrupts, amusement lacing her words.

    ¡°That¡¯s not payment if that was already the deal for me to be here¡­¡± Hinaka replied, looking up at Captain Ira with a look Almmiir couldn¡¯t quite place.

    ¡°You say that as if I hadn¡¯t told you the price knowing I¡¯d be assigning Almmiir to protect you.¡± For some reason that baffled Almmiir, Ira seemed to be highly amused by the interaction. Equally baffling was that that was the only deal that Hinaka was expected to pay for their services. Caravans often worked under the assumption that their participants would do what they could to assist the caravan, which was essentially what Hinaka was being asked. But there was often a price to be paid to have her own personal escort.

    Hinaka remained quiet, turning back around and following the path with the rest of the caravan.

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it, little healer. I offered you a fair price for the services that are being rendered to you.¡±

    Almmiir tried not to stare at Captain Ira, but his confusion overrode his better judgement and he turned to face her. Only to see her shaking her head at him with a finger to her lips. So he kept his mouth closed.

    ¡°If you insist,¡± came the subdued response. Hinaka didn¡¯t entirely sound convinced, either. Captain Ira grunted then moved past them, doing her rounds of the caravan.

    The two walked in silence for about half an hour before Almmiir spoke up again. ¡°What brings you out of Seyiki?¡±

    ¡°Need to trade for some herbs I can¡¯t grow in my home.¡±

    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    ¡°What kind of herbs?¡±

    ¡°Medicinal ones.¡±

    ¡°Do you know their names? I might be able to help?¡±

    She started naming off various plants, some of which Almmiir recognized, most of which he didn¡¯t, and none of which he knew any local sources.

    On the third night, Almmiir came to a decision: Being a glorified baby sitter was boring.

    Hinaka had refused to take any space in the caravan carriages, opting instead to walk along with the other guards. Almmiir had assumed she¡¯d give up after the first two days of the pace they set, but not only did she keep up, she also helped with setting up and taking down the camp every day, moving from family to family to see if they needed help. All the while, she refused any sort of gratitude, always claiming that her selfishness shouldn¡¯t be rewarded.

    After they got moving again on the fourth day of his guard duty, he asked, ¡°what are you in such a rush for?¡±

    She¡¯d shrugged, noncommittally murmuring, ¡°I¡¯m not.¡±

    He scratched his head at that, ¡°why do you keep saying you are then?¡±

    ¡°I haven¡¯t.¡± Her voice seemed to go quieter at the question.

    ¡°Haven¡¯t what?¡± Almmiir pressed.

    ¡°Said I was in a rush.¡±

    Perplexed, he continued, ¡°then why do you keep saying you¡¯re being selfish? That¡¯s about the only thing I can think of that would be selfish for you to help people.¡±

    She hesitated for a moment, then responded in what was almost a whisper, ¡°using that excuse tends to stop people from thanking me too much.¡±

    ¡°Why don¡¯t you want gratitude?¡±

    ¡°Because I¡¯m not doing it for gratitude?¡±

    ¡°Why not?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t deserve it.¡±

    It took a moment for him to respond after that. ¡°Then why do you do it?¡±

    ¡°I want to be useful.¡±

    Almmiir tilted his head at that, his confusion deepening. A witch, known for her abilities with medicine, felt like she was useless?  Flippantly, and with no small amount of irritation ¨C she already had a better reputation than he did, yet she felt like she was useless!? What must she think of him, then!? ¨C he murmured, ¡°then why don¡¯t you thank them?¡±

    ¡°¡­Should I?¡±

    ¡°Yeah, sure. They¡¯re allowing you the opportunity to be useful, doesn¡¯t that deserve thanks? It also evens the odds a bit.¡±

    ¡°Oh.¡±

    He¡¯d intended it to be a joke. A joke! That night though, she not only thanked everyone she helped, but also bowed to them with each thanks she gave out. Now his peers were looking at her warily and Captain Ira was looking at him, displeased as if he was the one breaking common etiquette!

    ¡°Almmiir, we need to talk.¡± She had said that night after his charge had fallen asleep. Taking him aside, though still inside the encampment, she ran a hand through her hair. ¡°I¡¯ve been hearing some things about your charge tonight.¡±

    ¡°Ma¡¯am, it¡¯s not my fault! I was¡ª¡±

    ¡°Calm down, Almmiir. Myriakans don¡¯t get the entirety of the rumors about her, I should have warned you ahead of time.¡±

    ¡°Warned me about what?¡±

    ¡°The people of Seyiki call her a benevolently evil witch,¡± the captain said, glancing to the sleeping form. ¡°She goes above and beyond for everyone she can, but the way she interacts with people is¡­ odd, as I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve noticed.¡±

    Almmiir nodded, thinking back over his interactions with her. ¡°She seems to be excessively formal and hates to be thanked for small things?¡±

    ¡°Anything,¡± Captain Ira emphasized. ¡°She hates to be thanked for anything, Almmiir. Even going so far as to thank others for things she should have been thanked for. And she has no sense of self preservation.

    ¡°The third time she joined a caravan I was in charge of, we were attacked by a small skiran group. She got a minor injury bodily protecting a child in the caravan and thanked the child for being safe, refusing to accept any type of gratitude from the parents until I pointed out that she should just accept the thanks as they weren¡¯t going to stop until she did. I spent the rest of that journey watching over her personally and trying to convince her to not thank people for her helping them.¡± With the last bit, she stared pointedly at him, and he shriveled a bit under her gaze.

    ¡°Oh.¡± He said, looking down and blushing.

    ¡°Do you know why I brought you on?¡± she asked after a moment.

    ¡°I¡¯m starting to think it¡¯s not because of my natural talents and skill,¡± he said, a little dejectedly.

    This prompted a bark of laughter from his captain. ¡°Hah, no, don¡¯t worry about that, you¡¯ll grow into it. I¡¯m not worried at all about your prowess. No, the main reason I hired you was because of your enthusiasm and the nature you possess. I was hoping you¡¯d help get her out of her shell a bit. She¡¯s a handful, and she seems scared. I was hoping you would help put her at ease.¡±

    ¡°I feel like I''m failing in that regard,¡± he murmured to his captain.

    ¡°It¡¯s too early to tell,¡± she conceded, ¡°but it does seem that way, yes. Get her to stop thanking people for helping them, for goddess¡¯ tears.¡± She grunted as she pushed down on her knees to help her stand back to her feet. ¡°And one last thing¡­ fuck.¡±

    Almmiir turned his head, following the vague gesture towards the woman to find her writhing under the blanket she was under. His jaw dropped at the sight, having never seen something like it. ¡°what¡¯s happening?¡±

    ¡°Nightmare,¡± Ira responded looking on. ¡°Hers get really bad, which, for as young as she is and the fact that she focuses on healing, is something I¡¯ve never seen before. More used to it with older guards who have seen dozens of attacks. She¡¯ll probably start screaming soon.¡±

    As if on cue, the young woman started crying and opened her eyes. Ira approached her slowly before sitting next to her and offered a hand to the woman. Hinaka simply stared for several minutes before taking the elder guard¡¯s hand in her own. Almmiir watched the two for a bit then approached cautiously and, seeing no reaction from Hinaka, sat down near her and the fire. ¡°You doing okay, Hinaka?¡± he asked softly after a beat.

    Silence was his answer. She didn¡¯t even acknowledge him. Ira gave him a knowing smile before putting a finger to her lips. Almmiir got the hint. With nothing else to do, he laid down in his own bedding to get some sleep. He was tired anyway ¨C he wasn¡¯t used to being on the road like this.

    The next day, Hinaka ¨C and her bedroll ¨C were both gone. Almmiir scrambled up and hurried off to find her, his bedroll haphazardly in his arms. It took him ten minutes to spot her assisting a merchant with packing up her camping gear, so he trudged over and silently started assisting in the endeavor. When they were finished, and before Hinaka could say anything in response to the merchant¡¯s appreciation, Almmiir cut in and said, ¡°you¡¯re most welcome, Hann.¡± Then gently escorted Hinaka away, using his bundled sleeping roll to gently prod her away from the merchant before she could say anything more to her.

    ¡°Not allowed, Hinaka,¡± he said as she opened her mouth to protest. She closed it at his words and he watched as she ground her teeth together. After a bead of silence where Almmiir started folding his blankets up.

    ¡°You said yesterday I should.¡± The tone Hinaka used when she said this almost made Almmiir decide against saying anything more, but he continued anyway.

    ¡°I didn''t actually mean it. It was more of a <i>joke</i>¡­¡±

    As the days wore on, Almmiir decided quickly he didn¡¯t care for talking to her. She never looked at him, never elaborated herself, just... made him work for it. Even when he told her stories of his accomplishments (mostly exaggerated,) he knew she listened because she often offered encouragement to continue, but all her congratulatory offerings on his deeds were.. distant, was the best way he could describe it.

    She would tell him, ¡°good job,¡± ¡°that was smart thinking,¡± ¡°probably didn¡¯t try that again, did it?¡± and so on, but even as her words made him feel somewhat proud, the prideful feeling quickly left him as he realized that she just¡­ didn¡¯t seem to really be interested and was merely humoring him. Then he''d get irritated and then she¡¯d suddenly change, as if noticing and apologizing to him before she just¡­ cared more. After about five additional days straight of this, he¡¯d figured out that the ¡°caring¡± was just a better disguised version of what she was doing before.

    Ira¡¯s plan failed to produce the desired results. Hinaka was still the same when she departed the caravan three weeks later back in Seyiki with all her smelly plants and weird flowers, and Almmiir was certain she was going to kick him out of the caravan, but she merely shook her head at him when he asked.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t bring you on for four weeks just to ditch you when my main reason for hiring you left. It worked either way. Your enthusiasm has dampened a bit, giving you more realistic expectations of what our job is like, and while I didn¡¯t notice any changes with Hinaka, that doesn¡¯t mean you didn¡¯t have an effect. Just not one we noticed yet.¡± She then gave him a smirk. ¡°Besides, we have another MVP I need you to entertain when we drop by¡ª¡±

    ¡°Nope! I don¡¯t want it!¡±<u style="font-family: var(--rx-font-text)"></u> Almmiir declared, shaking his head and putting his hand up.

    ¡°Too bad,¡± Ira laughed in response.

 Flashback 1a: A Typical Day

    I sat with one of the most recent papers on hochuekkito, a kampo remedy just outside the medical building on campus. Modern medicine was extremely effective, but there was still a significant portion of Nomou that would prefer a more traditional approach, so I read about them. Not only to make sure I knew how to make them so I could describe it to future patients, but also so that I could ensure I was not just selling them snake oil.

    ¡°Yo!¡± came a voice of someone I was expecting, waiting for even. ¡°Ready to go?¡±

    I looked up from my papers to see my partner, May, walking up to me. She was wearing a casual outfit: white graphic t and blue jeans with tennis shoes. A smile warmed my lips as I got up, stuffing the article into my backpack and reaching out to take her hand. ¡°Ready.¡±

    Hand in hand, we walked along the tree lined path. I figured May must like being around nature since we always seemed to walk around the pond several times before we peeled off and started towards the mall.

    ¡°How was your day?¡± May asked after the first lap, when there were less people around.

    ¡°Same as usual. Still preparing for the dissertation.  How was yours, May-chan?¡± Same as usual meaning I¡¯m so close to failing but still working on it. I¡¯ll get better!

    My girlfriend ran her free hand through her messy hair. ¡°Stressful,¡± she comments, turning towards me a bit. ¡°It¡¯s frustrating when bugs don¡¯t just... you know, make themselves highly apparent with glowing red characters that just scream, ¡®I am the problem!¡¯¡±

    I want to giggle at her complaining, but I hold it back, searching for some type of solution instead. ¡°Did you figure it out?¡±

    ¡°Nope! And no, I don¡¯t want to talk about school right now ¨C I¡¯m on a date with my girlfriend.¡±

    I nodded as if I understood, mulling over the situation in silence. It¡¯s not like I would be able to help her, anyway, but I wished I had an idea of something that was simple that could help her. Nothing proffers itself to my attention though, so I¡¯m forced to drop it. Amaida hadn¡¯t been in computer science, nor were my parents, so I didn¡¯t know how to approach the problem.

    ¡°You¡¯re spacing out, huh?¡± May¡¯s voice interrupts my thoughts. ¡°What¡¯s on your mind?¡±

    ¡°Nothing important,¡± my hand waves dismissively as I respond, looking up at her. She wasn¡¯t much taller than I, but I was used to being the shortest person around.

    ¡°If you say so.¡± She lets go of my hand and stretches up towards the sky with her fingers interlaced. My hands fell to my sides as I watched her stretch, a soft smile playing across my lips. ¡°Where would you like to go?¡± she asks as she looks down at me.

    I tapped my fingers to my chin as I thought about it. We didn¡¯t have too much time before I¡¯d have to go back to school, so a mall was out of the question ¨C the nearest being a twenty-minute trip with transportation. That left us with basically only food ¨C or maybe a bookstore, but food was a safer bet with May. She¡¯d appreciate that more than a bookstore.

    ¡°How about soba? There¡¯s a place near the campus that we haven¡¯t been to yet.¡± We veered off the trail as I started to lead May towards the shop I had in mind. It was a small, quaint little shop just across the road from the campus.

    ¡°Soba sounds good,¡± my girlfriend said in response, looking around as we walked, as if searching for something.

    We stopped at the crosswalk just as the walk signal turned red, so I pressed the signal again and rocked back on my heels, looking towards May. ¡°The pond was nice again today.¡±

    ¡°It normally is. Is that why you¡¯re so fond of that area?¡±

    ¡°Mm¡­ It puts me in your path, and thus you can¡¯t ignore me when I go there.¡±

    ¡°You say that as if I wouldn¡¯t seek you out!¡± Protests May.

    ¡°Would you?¡± I ask, genuinely curious. Though, my timing was inopportune ¨C the walk sign light just turned green and we both crossed in silence. Too many people were crossing the street towards the campus for us to continue. But, once we were near the restaurant, May spoke up again.

    ¡°I would.¡± Her voice was quiet, with a slight edge to it.

    I looked up into her black eyes as we turned into the restaurant. ¡°Sorry, I probably should have known that, huh? I love you1.¡±

    May smiled down at me and opened the door as she responded, ¡°and you too, doveling2.¡±

    Once inside the small restaurant, we found a place to sit down and browse through the menu. ¡°Umm¡­ I think I¡¯ll get the tori nanban soba.¡±

    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

    May glanced up at me. ¡°How do you always know what you want when you barely look at the menu?¡± She teased, smiling and shaking her head as she looks back down at the menu. ¡°Makes me feel pressured to decide just as quickly.¡±

    I shook my head at her quickly, ¡°no, please take your time. I just saw it and it sounded good. I¡¯ll try to take more time next time.¡±

    She waved me off, ¡°it¡¯s fine, Akai. It¡¯s kind of cute how quickly you decide. Feels like you know exactly what you want instead of being indecisive. Duck is calling to me, so I¡¯ll probably get kamo nanban.¡±

    With that settled, I press the call button, our waiter coming over and taking our order. May and I talk about how our classes went today as we wait for our food, then ate in silence.

    The soba wasn¡¯t very good ¨C not because of anything the restaurant did wrong, it smelled good ¨C I just don¡¯t really like buckwheat noodles. I laid my chopsticks neatly across my bowl, keeping them parallel to the table. My eyes wandered over to May¡¯s bowl, and since she was almost done as well, I stood up. ¡°Going to go pay,¡± I inform her.

    ¡°Got it!¡± came the reply between mouthfuls of food.

    The store was just starting to get it''s customers for lunch rush as I went up to the counter, passing a group of professional men and women in their business attire and several college students in more  casual clothing as they took their seats around the small shop. I have each of their groups small, informal bows as I head up to the counter.

    ¡°Excuse me, I¡¯d like to pay the bill.¡±

    ¡°Will you be paying together?¡± the cashier asks, nodding towards May.

    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s fine.¡±

    ¡°Understood, one moment please.¡± He added up the total as I pulled up my purse and started collecting some cash to what I thought it¡¯d be. ¡°Thank you, that will be £¤3,210, please.¡±

    A bit too much. I swap out the extra £¤1,000 bill I¡¯d grabbed and replaced it with two hundred yen coins and a ten yen coin. I handed him the cash, with a polite bow. ¡°This should cover it.¡±

    After counting it out, he rang it through after telling me the total he came up with then with a small bow of his own, handed me the receipt. ¡°Thank you!¡±

    I took the receipt and put it in my bag, then went back to the table. ¡°Bill¡¯s taken care of.¡±

    May eyed me suspiciously as she set her chopsticks on her bowl. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you paid for me again.¡±

    ¡°I did.¡±

    ¡°Ergh. You little brat, I told you you don¡¯t have to pay for every meal like that!¡± She stood up, heading towards me. Despite her words, I could see the playful smile on her lips and knew I¡¯d done well.

    Once side by side, we headed back to the campus. The streets were more busy now, so we didn¡¯t talk much until we got back on campus.

    ¡°You have the afternoon off, right May-chan? What are you going to do with the time?¡±

    She put a finger thoughtfully to her lips, tapping them a few times before speaking. ¡°Oh! Mira-chan and Sai-chan wanted to go shopping, so I was going to go with them.¡±

    I reached for a packet of money I had set aside for her as I asked, ¡°oh, do you need more money, then? I can give you some more.¡±

    ¡°If you¡¯re offering, I won¡¯t refuse.¡±

    Bowing politely, I handed her the pink packet with both hands. ¡°Here you go.¡±

    She opened it and riffled through it. I watched her, rapt, expecting ¨C hoping¨C to see joy, but something else was there instead. ¡°¡­ Wait. You¡¯re joking, right? Really?¡±

    ¡°Ah!?¡± Panicked, I look through my wallet. Cash was getting a bit low, I¡¯d thought that that would be enough. ¡°Sorry! It¡¯s not enough ¨C we can go to the ATM and get more!¡±

    ¡°No no no, this is already too much! There¡¯s too many zeroes!¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s okay though, really, it¡¯s fine! I want you to have it.¡±

    ¡°Akai, there¡¯s £¤100,000 in here¡­ are you sure about giving me this? It¡¯s way too much to spend on a casual shopping trip.¡±

    ¡°Yea! I want you to be able to get something nice.¡± I rocked up onto my tippy toes, smiling at her, still with the hope that she would express joy.

    Instead, I¡¯m met with a heavy sigh, as May pocketed the envelope. ¡°Fine, but I¡¯m just holding onto it for you.¡± My smile faltered and I went back down on my feet. She caught my expression and shook her head, waving a hand dismissively and gave me a soft smile. ¡°Thank you, May."

    Happy, I turned back to campus, taking May¡¯s hand in my own as we started back together.

    ¡°May-chaaan!¡± came a call from our right as we looped around sansho pond. We turned and looked, seeing Iara Sai waving to us. Well, to May. I didn¡¯t know her that well. May waved back, then turned to me. She squeezed my hand gently before untangling our fingers.

    ¡°Time to go. My friends are more interesting than you anyway! Bye!¡±

    I heard the teasing lilt to her voice. I knew that she hadn¡¯t meant it badly. ¡°I get it. See you later!¡± Watching. May¡¯s black hair swished back and forth as she walked next to Iara, the other girl¡¯s blue tipped black hair following a similar pattern. My vision became blurry and I wiped the moisture from my eyes, fists clenched together to stop the tremors. It¡¯ll be okay.

    <i></i><i>It''s not the first time she¡¯s said and done this, Akaki</i>, came my ever-loving voice in my head. <i>You should be used to it, especially since it¡¯s true.</i>

    The moisture didn¡¯t come again, at least not right away. I¡¯d been through harsher, I would get through this. If I made myself more interesting, May would want to be near me more. It¡¯s my own fault for not being interesting. I kept telling myself this, but I still found myself to in one of the bathrooms on the way to my class, hand over my mouth as I cried silently.

 Flashback 1b: A typical Day

    While I waited for May at the train station, I meandered over towards Miyagi''s grill, lingering until the crowd thinned. Once it had died down, I approached in my established fashion¡ªrunning towards the stall a big smile on my face and my hand raised high. A sharp pain flared from my collarbone through my shoulders, making me wince, but I ignored it.

    As I ran, I called out, "Miyagiiiii-saaaamaaaaa!"

    Miyagi covered his eyes with the palm of his hand, rubbing his face as he heard me. Several nearby vendors smiled, along with some regulars who were used to my antics. Others stared disapprovingly, but I didn''t mind. Seeing the smile on Miyagi''s face, even as he feigned embarrassment, always made it worthwhile.

    "Oi, girlie! I told you! You ain''t needing to be calling me any of that!" He called back, amusement laced through his voice.

    I slowed as I approached and shook my head no. "I tried -dono and -san. You looked disappointed, so you are eternally Miyagi-sama."

    Every day for the last eight months we had this banter. Of course, it would change every now and again, different introductions, different comebacks, but none of that mattered. Seeing him smiling was one of the highlights of my day.

    "Bah!" He exclaimed, pulling his hand away from his face to wave it in an exaggerated shooing motion. "Stop talking nonsense!"

    I stood by his cart, watching him sell his skewers to another customer. Once they were gone, I replied to him cheerfully, "of course, Miyagi-sama! As soon as you stop selling underpriced skewers to hungry students and businessmen."

    "What do you know about running a shop!? If I raised my prices, I don''t sell as much. If I don''t sell as much, I don''t make as much money and then ingredients go bad! You hush it, little brat." He turned to help another customer, and a line started to form. A small one, but a line nonetheless.

    I watched him work, always keeping a certain amount of each type on the grill. When he ran out, he''d take a moment to prepare more before moving to his next customer. I''d tried to help him once, but he got angry about that, so I stopped trying afterwards.

    Once the line died down again, he turned to me. "So, where''s that girl of yours? You two kiss yet?"

    My jaw dropped. "Wha-wha-what!? Why would we kiss!?" But I felt the blood rushing to my face.

    "Girl, I got eyeballs and I''ve seen a thing or two in my fifty-seven years. The way you look at her, the way she looks at you, it''s obvious you two are a couple. So, ya kiss yet?" He smiled at me mischievously.

    "I-I don''t know what you''re talking about!" I said to him, panicking. While things have been getting better for same-sex couples, I knew older generations were still a little wary on it. And as much as I liked Miyagi, I didn''t know his stance on the matter. Regardless, I didn''t know how comfortable May was with others knowing about us.

    "Gotcha! No kisses yet then." He beamed at me as I buried my face in my hands.

    "Miyagi-sama!"

    He chuckled, then turned a bit serious. "Same order as usual?"

    "Yeah," I replied when my ears weren''t burning. I pulled out a separate pouch of money, taking out the contents before handing it to Miyagi. I kept an envelope with the cost of my order with me every day. He took the cash and put it in the drawer before grabbing two skewers and handing them to someone behind me.

    "Here ya are, Imari-chan!" He beamed, noticing the look of confusion on my face. His voice though didn''t carry the same warmth he had while talking with me.

    "Thank you, Miyagi-san," came her voice. The final skewer he handed to me, and I took it with a nod of thanks as I turned to face May, smiling.

    "Good afternoon, Imari-chan. When are you going to start paying instead of Akai all the time?" His voice became a bit more tense, but it was still playful.

    "I don''t know, she''s the one who keeps offering or just paying before I get a chance. When are you going to start giving her a discount because of all the joy she brings you?" Her tone was lighthearted and teasing, but like Miyagi''s, it carried a bit more tension than usual.

    I cut in before Miyagi had a chance to respond, watching him wipe his hands off on his apron. "I do offer to pay! I don''t mind, it doesn''t bother me any and kinda makes me happy!"

    "See!?" May stood a little taller, straightening her back to do so.

    "Hmph, brats, the both of ya! When the price of meat goes down, I''ll give you the same discount everyone else will get! Now hurry up and go eat." He gave us the shooing gesture again, but this one definitely wasn''t joking, despite the smile on his face.

    We left his stall and headed to the nearby tables. That was when I noticed the extra bags in her arms. "May I ask what you got?"

    "A sweatshirt and some manga," she glanced at one of the bags, then sat down at a random empty table.

    So little? Did I not give her enough...? With a sigh, I sat down near her. She had the first bite in her mouth and was still chewing when I asked softly, "may I see it?"

    May swallowed her food, then gestured towards one of the bags with the bottom of her skewer. "Yeah, it''s in that one."

    I reached in, taking out the light-green shirt with a graphic of a yellow pareidolia smiling. It was made of a thick material which felt nice in my hands, but it didn''t feel very well made ¨C hopefully no where near the £¤100,000 I''d given her. But it wasn''t my place to judge her on it.

    I looked back to her, a little startled to see her watching me. "Do you like it?" She asked.

    "Yeah, it''s cute." I said in response.

    She stared at me for a few seconds before she shrugged and nudged her skewer against my own. "You gonna eat?" Then, she took a bite of her own.

    With the shirt on my lap, I kept eating, absentmindedly running my fingers over the fabric. My attention turned back to the other people in the area, noting the outfits they wore and wondering which ones would look good on May and where they got them from. It was peaceful just sitting there with May.

    As I finished my skewer, I stood up to throw the skewer away, the shirt in my hand. May looked up from her phone, then handed me the stick of the skewer she had finished. I was about to start looking for the refuse bins when she gently grabbed my wrist. "Just put it on and stop fiddling with it. Don''t get it dirty though, I just got it."

    She released the hold on my wrist. "Thank you, May-chan. I''ll be super careful!" I pulled the shirt up and over my arm, holding out to my chest. This made it at least somewhat easier ¨C I knew where those were. So I made my way to them, depositing the sticks into flammable trash, then went to wait in line for the bathroom.

    Once inside, I found a stall and quickly take off both of my shirts. Despite the bra also being dirty, I wasn''t going to take that off. I hadn''t even meant to imply I wanted to wear the shirt¨Cstill wasn''t sure¨Cbut May seemed to be in a bad mood and I didn''t want to make it worse.

    Regardless, I put the shirt on and then rolled up the sleeves. Stuffing the two shirts in my bag, I stepped out and washed my hands, despite not even using the bathroom, and headed back out to meetup with May.

    The chill air felt kinda nice on my arms, but it wasn''t really warm enough that I wouldn''t get cold later. Hopefully it would be a non-issue. Once I found May, still sitting and looking at her phone. I moved to sit next to her, but she looked up at me as I got close enough to enter her periphery.

    She eyed me for a few moments before getting up. "Finally. Did you get lost?"

    Irritation. What was bothering her? Did she have a bad time at the mall? She seemed happy earlier.

    Until just before she put you in your place. She was starting to get annoyed with you.

    "I¨CI was just using the bathroom. Sorry, May-chan," trying to ignore the voice in my head. I was staring down at her feet, so when her backpack collided with my stomach, I was startled and scrambled to catch it before it hit the ground. Somehow, I managed to catch it, looking back up at May¡ªjust in time for May''s hand to pat my head, causing me to flinch a little bit.

    "Whatever, dumb ass. Let''s go," May murmured.

    Just beyond her I could see Miyagi - and the look of disapproval he shot me. I tried my best to smile at him as I let May''s backpack slide down and held it by the hanging loop in my hands as we started for the train station. I released one hand just long enough to wave goodbye to him before we went under the street.

    The train ride was uneventful. Station was packed as normal, train was packed as normal, and we were both as quiet as everyone else was. May and I stood next to each other - her bag still in my hands as I stood behind her, her doing something - probably playing with her phone. There were a few times I lost my balance a bit and stumbled into her, or another person on the train. She''d turn her head to glance at me before going back to what she was doing. The other passengers did much the same - it was pretty normal. We were packed in pretty tight and it was normal for someone to bump into another during these times. To pass the time during the ride, I read random titles on the newspaper one of the businessmen was reading.

    Nomou Times

    21 April, 2023

    Asari Baseball Team Beats Atlantic''s Terrapins 4-2!

    This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

    Price of Quail Eggs Raise Again Due to Disease in Nomou''s Quail Farms

    Li Gonda Opens Another Tech Company: Li Computers

    My hands clenched with the last title and I leaned forward, resting my head against May''s back while also closing my eyes. Thank goodness. At least I didn''t corrupt him too much.

    What''s the matter, Akaki? Did you think he wouldn''t be able to come back after you fucked him over? He was successful even while you were engaged. You aren''t that special.

    I smiled internally at the voice. I know I''m not, but I was still worried he wouldn''t... I hurt him pretty badly.

    If you honestly thought that, then why are you angry about it? Why are you clenching May''s backpack like it''s a lifeline and seeking her support? Liar.

    No point in responding to that. I sighed, loosening my grip on May''s backpack and pulling away from her a bit, then wiped away the moisture from my eyes that I hadn''t realized were there. We were getting pretty close to our stop, so I needed to be ready to get off without being trampled.

    At our stop, May turned and hooked one hand through her backpack, pulling it up onto her shoulders before grabbing my hand and guiding me forward. We did it to make sure I didn''t get lost - not that I necessarily would, I knew the train station and how to get home, just that it was pretty easy for the two of us to get separated, and with me not having a phone, she would get angry if I got carried away and she couldn''t find me.

    She held my hand tighter than usual as we made our way out of the train station. This station was above ground, unlike the one we started in, and around a ten minute walk from our studio apartment. She pulled me along until we got outside of the station, then let go of my hand, continuing to walk in front of me without a word. Rubbing my aching hand, I followed after her, keeping my head down.

    About three minutes into our walk, I spoke up. "Uhm... May-chan?"

    "What?" May looked over her shoulder at me, her black hair resting against said shoulder. "Why the hell are you so far back? Get up here."

    "Sorry. Uh.. did you want anything for dinner before we passed the store?" I wasn''t more than a couple steps behind her, but I quickly moved alongside her as I spoke. She was already pretty annoyed and I didn''t want to make it worse.

    Her black eyes tracked me as I came up aside her, before she turned to look at the green and red neon sign we were approaching. "Not feeling up to making food tonight?"

    "Nn. I have to do some work on my dissertation, so I don''t have too much time tonight."

    Kicking at the ground, May turned towards the store with a frustrated sigh. "Fine."

    "I¡ªI mean, I can if you really want me to?" I hurried, starting to reach for her hand.

    "It''s whatever, Akai. Don''t worry about it." My hand fell, returning back to my side.

    She''s lying, Akaki, and you''re pissing her off more.

    "I know..." I replied, under my breath, not entirely realizing I''d said it out loud until May spoke up.

    "What?"

    "Uh! Sorry, nothing."

    May put her palm to her forehead, rubbing it briefly before letting it drop. "You''re fucking exhausting sometimes. Just speak your mind instead of whatever this is." She waved a hand towards me as she spoke.

    I lowered my gaze as we entered the store. May immediately made her way to the junk food section, while I went and grabbed some caramels - May loved them - then to grab a package of shrimp flavored instant noodles. Meeting back up with her in the junk food section, I showed her the noodles. "Dinner?"

    "Nn." she hummed, grabbing a bag of potato chips and turning towards me. "Where''s yours?"

    "I''m still full from Miyagi''s, and I ate a bit before then, too." I lied. From the look on May''s face, I think that she probably knew I wasn''t being honest, but before I could say anything further, she grunted.

    "Okay. Let''s go."

    We went up to the cashier where I paid, then continued on our way home.

    "Akai?" May''s voice was a low and cautious as she spoke up less than a minute after we left the convenience store.

    "Mm?" I hummed.

    "Is there something bothering you?"

    "Ah? Why do you ask?"

    "It''s just... We''ve been dating for three months, and you get this... I don''t know. Just... I get the feeling you aren''t telling me things. Aren''t being honest with me. And I don''t understand why."

    Are you going to tell her the truth, little Akaki?

    "Mm. Nothing''s bothering me."

    Coward.

    "Then... are you happy?"

    I nodded, looking up to her and smiling, "of course! Are you happy?"

    "No," she admitted. I stopped walking, staring at her. She took a couple more steps before realizing that I wasn''t beside her, turning around to face me.

    Don''t cry, Akaki. Don''t cry. "I¡ªI''m sorry, May-chan." I manage after a moment. "I¡ªI''ll do better, I promise."

    "Why ''you''? I didn''t say I was unhappy because of you." She asked, tilting her head toward me. But the irritation in her voice was getting louder.

    Bowing my head, I turned away from her a bit. "Just a feeling I get."

    "Fucking hell, Akai," she growled in frustration. Her hand reached up to her ponytail and pulled it, her head following through with the motion until she was looking up at the sky. "Yeah, it''s because of you. Because you keep acting like this. You keep acting like I''m going to throw you away at the first sign of you doing something wrong."

    Several heartbeats passed as my mind raced to find a solution. An answer left my mouth before I had a chance to truly consider it: "You should throw trash away, though. It''s okay if you do. I''m not worth keeping anyway - I''m not even interesting."

    "The fuck!?" May looked back down to me, the words she''d just spoken coming out as no louder than a whisper, exasperated. She came towards me, wrapping her arms around me angrily, but without hurting me as she hugged me. It takes me a minute before I return her hug, but I eventually returned it. "Don''t you ever fucking say that again, Akai. You''re not trash. I''m not going to get rid of you like that. And... I''m sorry. I shouldn''t have said that earlier. I was just... I don''t understand why you always just accept whatever I do. I was trying to make you angry at me, or to get at least some kind of fucking response outside of this pretend shit you normally give me. Why can''t you treat me like you do with Miyagi-san?"

    "I do, though?" You are lying again, Akaki. You don''t.

    "No you don''t. You never run up to me like you do to him ¡ª do you like him?"

    "He rejected me," I replied, trying to keep my voice from cracking at the memory. "Said I was too young. And he''s married."

    Her laughter was mirthless, almost sarcastic. "Of course you do. No wonder you always treat him like that." She released me, turning back down the road towards our home. "Do you even like me?"

    "Yes!" I chased after her, taking her hand in both of mine, panicked. I could no longer stop the tears from sliding out of my eyes. You''re losing her. She yanks her hand away, as if she had just touched something gross or hot. "I love you, May-chan and only you!"

    "Shut up, Akai." May growled as she started up the stairs to our studio. "We''ll talk in the house."

    Little Akaki is gonna get punished~ See? This is why you don''t tell the truth! You keep making this same mistake, almost as if you like to be punished. I followed May upstairs, wringing my hands together as I desperately tried to figure out a way to lessen her anger at me. When I got to the top of the stairs, she was standing outside our door, waiting for me. I kept my head down, pulled out my card and pressed it up to the door''s lock. It opened and I stepped inside, taking my shoes off and sliding my feet into my slippers, putting the outside shoes in their cubby. That taken care of, I hurried over to my desk, putting my backpack on it before hurrying into the kitchen and putting water into a pot.

    May followed in shortly after me, her shoes going next to mine, but she didn''t put on her slippers, just wore her socks. "Akai, stop."

    Not entirely acknowledging what she said, I continued moving in the kitchen. I pulled out the hot plate, plugging it and putting the pot on the plate before turning it onto high.

    "Akai!"

    May''s raised voice finally makes me stop. I turned towards her, my hands held in front of me and my gaze on the ground. She approached, her hand reaching up to my face making me flinch, but her hand keeps going, two fingers pressed firmly up under my chin until I''m looking up to her.

    "What are you doing?" Her brows were furrowed, confusion writ across her face layered upon the anger behind her eyes.

    "Tr-try-trying-- making your dinner..." I stuttered out, trying to keep my voice as stable as I could. I couldn''t do anything about the tears on my cheeks that kept draining from my eyes.

    "Trying to make my dinner?" she asked. Her voice was still low and dangerous, barely restrained anger lingering behind her words, though there was something there I couldn''t quite identify. I nodded to her - it was the truth. It may not have been the whole truth, but.. they were one and the same. "And what happened to doing your homework because you wouldn''t have time? Was that a lie, too?"

    "I--I--I wasn''t lying, May-chan... I just.. I wanted to try and make up for ma-making you mad."

    She exhaled sharply, her hand dropping from my face. I flinched again. "That''s not going to make up for it, dumb ass."

    My gaze fell again, looking down for a moment. You''re still getting her shirt dirty. It''s not going to protect you, but take care of it before you get it dirtier, Akai. "Sorry!" I rushed around her, quickly taking off the shirt I was wearing, hurrying to the washer where I put it as well as some laundry detergent. Just as I turned it on, May slammed her hand on the machine, making me jump in surprise. "I--I''m trying to¡ª"

    "STOP!" May yelled. I froze. "Fucking hell, Akai, what the shit. How is any of this going to make it up to me!?"

    "I-- I..." my voice started to falter, cracking as my mind raced. Situation. Response. Outcome. No. Situation. Response. Outcome. No. what do I do what do I do what do I do what can you do...? I wrap my arms around my chest protectively, not looking towards her.

    "It''s not going to, Akai!" she exclaimed as my silence dragged on. "That''s not at all what I want from you!"

    You know what she wants, Akai. Stop trying to avoid it. Get it over with, the longer you put it off, the worse it''ll be - the worse it''s always been. You''ll get through it. "I..." I hesitated. The voice was right, I don''t know why I kept trying to fight against it. "I know, May-chan..." My arms dropped to my sides again and I turned around, my tears started to stop as I resigned myself to it. "You- you can hit me, May-chan... It''s okay."

    "What?" came the response. The first time I''d ever heard her voice so small and confused. "I could never..."

    "That''s okay - I can do it for you, too." I raised my hand and slapped myself hard across the cheek. The sound reverberated in the small apartment and my cheek started stinging painfully. I was about to repeat it when May broke out of her stunned silence, grabbing my wrists and slamming me against the wall before pushing me onto the futon. My shoulders erupted in pain from the impact on the wall, and again with the futon, but I swallowed the pain.

    "Akai, what the fuck...." I couldn''t entirely recognize the expression on her face as she pinned Akai to the couch. May''s face distorted even more as she saw the woman beneath her flinch away from her, as if Akai wholly expected to be struck by her. The way Akai started trying to curl up beneath her. She released her girlfriend''s wrists, watching in dismay and horror as the girl she''d not meant to hurt curled up into a ball, crying and apologizing to her as if she''d been the one to do something wrong, not the stupid one who''d lashed out in fear and frustration.

 Flashback 1c: Atypical Day

    May stared at Akai.<i>The fuck did I do? </i>she wondered. Then she started to panic. While she didn''t know why Akai was reacting like she was, May wanted to be there to help her.  Tentatively, she started to reach towards Akai and spoke in a soft, gentle tone. "fuck, I''m sorry Akai--" her words are cut off by Akai crying out as May''s fingers touch the woman''s arm. May jerked her fingers back, confused. <i>What.. the hell?</i>

    "I''m sorry -- I''m sorry -- I''m sorry -- please," are the whimpered pleas from Akai''s lips, each apology tore at May as she stared helplessly at her.

    <i>Fuck. Fuck fuck <b>fuck</b>...</i> With her stomach feeling like it was collapsing in on itself, May stood and started pacing the room, afraid to touch Akai again ¨C in part because she didn''t want her to cry out again and possibly attract the neighbor''s attention, but also because she needed to clear her head. She''d never seen someone respond like this before. This was foreign ground, and every fucking apology <i>hurt</i>. Nothing Akai had done today warranted her to be suffering like this ¨C nothing Akai had ever done was even bad, so far as she could tell.

    That didn''t change the fact that she¡¯d fucked up.

    She''d noticed Akai flinching over the slightest touch, noticed how she was struggling with <i>something</i>, but May didn''t entirely understand what. She still didn''t know. She had some idea, though, and she didn''t like it. Regardless, she had to figure out something to help. She carefully sat back down next to Akai and softly murmured to her. ¡°Hey Akai, I''m here for you, okay? And¡­ I''m sorry.¡±

    Akai didn¡¯t truly respond outside of her sobbing.

    After a while, May grabbed her phone and opened up a web browser with the intent of searching for advice. And stared. What to search for? My girlfriend started crying and locked up and I don''t know what to do? I tried to stop my girlfriend from hitting herself and now she isn''t responding to me while crying?

    She glanced to Akai. The apologies had stopped, thankfully. ¡°Akai¡­?¡± May tentatively asked, reaching out slowly with her hand.

    No response.

    Akai¡¯s eyes were closed, and her sobbing was starting to die down to whimpers, so May¡¯s hand went to gently take Akai¡¯s. She stopped and pulled her hand back, though, as Akai started sobbing more from their fingers brushing against each other.

    May let¡¯s out a controlled sigh, returning to her phone. She pulls up her phone¡¯s contacts, scrolling through her contacts searching for someone she could reach out to for help. One name stands out to her: Min¨¦. But no, she should be able to do this herself. She fucked up, she needs to fix it.

    But how? She doesn¡¯t even know where to start.

    I listen to May¡¯s breathing. I can tell she''s getting exasperated, but I can''t tell why. After several moments, she let''s out a sigh followed by a sharp crack.

    The bamboo cane.

    <i>Papa.

    </i>

    <b>No, I can''t do this, not again.

    </b>

    ¡°No, please! I¡¯m sorry! Please don¡¯t cane1 me! I¡¯ll do better, I¡¯ll make sure I¡¯m good, just please¡­.¡± Akai pleaded, crying again.

    May, startled, instinctively reaches out and touches Akai¡¯s leg ¨C ¡°Hey, I wo¡ª¡± her gentle attempt at trying to sooth her girlfriend is interrupted by a scream of pain and Akai pleading again to not be whipped. Horrified, May retracted her hand and stared. That touch wasn¡¯t harsh or intense. Just¡­ what happened to her?

    But then she processes what Akai had just said. She was afraid of being whipped1. Someone had whipped her in the past? It was this revelation that caused her to give in. To realize she was out of her depth and needed help, needed someone who knew more than she did. So, she grabbed her phone and pressed the contact for Min¨¦. It barely rang once before her brother picked up the phone.

    ¡°Hey sis, long ti-¡° her brother¡¯s voice was jubilant, excited even until he was cut off.

    ¡°I need help,¡± May said by way of greeting, her exasperation clear in her tone.

    Gone was the jubilant voice from a moment earlier. Min¨¦ dropped his voice to a more serious tone. He could hear the crying. ¡°What''s going on?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s my girlfriend, Akai¡­ she¡­ I don''t know. She''s not responding to me and if I touch her, she just cries harder or screams. Most of what I get from her is apologies right now and... fuck, Min¨¦, I don''t know what to do. I don''t even know what''s going on.¡± May stood up as she spoke and had started pacing again.

    There was some rustling on the other side of the phone before Min¨¦ responds: ¡°What happened leading up to this?¡±

    ¡°I was upset with her and said some things I shouldn¡¯t have, and she just¡­ went all subservient on me, making dinner when she already said she didn''t have time because of homework, and. I don''t know. She said I could hit her and kep¨C¡°

    ¡°Please tell me didn¡¯t, sis¡­¡± Min¨¦ interjected, his voice already sounding exhausted and like he''d already assumed the answer.

    ¡°Fuck no, how could you think I would!?¡± May retorted, horrified that Min¨¦ would think that. Akai gave another pitiful apology from behind May. When May glanced over, the woman still lay on the futon in a fetal position.

    ¡°Sorry ¨C What happened next?¡±

    ¡°I told her I would never, of course. Then she just¡­ slapped herself. Like, hard.  She was about to do it again when I stopped her¡­ And then she just¡­ I don¡¯t know. It looked like she thought I was going to slap her, and she started crying and apologizing repeatedly, so I let her go. When I tried to touch her to offer support, she cried out like I hit her or something¡­ And just before I called you, she¡­¡± May stopped talking for a moment, taking another glance at her girlfriend. She seemed to have stopped sobbing, but she was still crying and sniffling. When she spoke again, her voice was tense and pained. ¡°Min¨¦, she begged me not to whip her.¡±

    There was silence for a while, before Min¨¦ released a long, suffering sigh.  ¡°You¡¯re not going to like what I have to say,¡± he said, voice cool and neutral.

    ¡°Just tell me,¡± May replied. Min¨¦ almost never said things she liked to hear ¨C but there was a reason she called him. She trusted him to give her good advice.

    ¡°You should break up with her.¡± Maybe that trust was misplaced.

    ¡°What? No, I can¡¯t do that. She frustrates the fuck out of me, but I still like her,¡± May growled, which prompted another apology from the woman behind her.

    ¡°I get that, but you¡¯re going to hurt her more than you already have. I know you, sis. You¡¯re not the best at controlling your emotions, and your girlfriend needs someone who is at least capable of doing so.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m controlling them right now!¡± May protested, her fist clenching tightly around her phone.

    Min¨¦ sighed and May could imagine him shaking his head. ¡°May, you¡¯re audibly angry right now. It may not seem like much to you ¨C or even to me ¨C but to your partner? She¡¯s likely picked up on it, which, again, to you or I or even most people? Not entirely a big deal. From what you¡¯ve said to me so far¡­ It sounds like she may have been abused. And badly.¡±

    May stopped in her tracks. She knew on some level that that was going to be what Min¨¦ was going to tell her ¨C the part about not being whipped screamed that ¨C but to have it potentially confirmed? Turning back to the young woman, May slowly walked over to her and sat down carefully, trying not to bother the woman or scare her. Her voice is much calmer when she spoke next. ¡°So what do I do?¡±

    ¡°Well, first. What do you want from me? Do you want me to come over?¡±

    ¡°Please¡­ I want you to help me fix this, Min¨¦,¡± May said a little desperately, her voice starting to shake, ¡°and I don¡¯t know how, and she¡¯s still not responsive, and any time I touch her, she cries out.¡±

    ¡°Hey, take a deep breath. You¡¯re doing one of the best things you can do right now: realizing you need help and asking for it. What¡¯s the address?¡±

    More rustling on the other side of the phone. May breathed in deeply in an attempt to center herself and keep her from letting herself get lost in her panic. ¡°It doesn¡¯t feel like I¡¯m doing anything, though.¡±

    ¡°Nor will it ever. Even with all the help in the world. This isn¡¯t something to just ¡®fix.¡¯¡±

    ¡°What does that mean?¡±

    ¡°It is more¡­ implication of the word ¡®fix.¡¯ Fix feels immediate. Rapid. We call a plumber to ¡®fix¡¯ our pipes when something happens. We call an electrician to ¡®fix¡¯ our electricity when an outlet doesn¡¯t work. That isn¡¯t how this works. Minds are slow, built upon learning. From what little I¡¯ve gotten of the situation, it sounds like she¡¯s dissociating and potentially has PTSD. Also, address, Maymay.¡± May gave him her address, which prompted a shocked response from him. ¡°Wow, you¡¯re really close to my hospital. I can be there in about five minutes. Do you want to stay on the phone?¡±

    ¡°No.. Just¡­ hurry,¡± May responded, resting her head in her hands.

    ¡°Okay. For now, stay close to her. When I get there, I¡¯ll need you to come get me, but like¡­ Make sure she knows you¡¯ll be right back.¡±

    ¡°Fine.¡± May pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call. With no small amount of deliberation, she set the phone gently down on the table by the sofa. Further utilizing a fair amount of restraint, she doesn¡¯t sigh in annoyance at the call with her brother. Instead, she turned her attention back to Akai. ¡°Hey doveling. I¡¯m here for you¡­ and I¡¯m sorry.¡± Still no response, at least at first.

    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

    But I opened my eyes. Not focused on her, but on my hands. They should be safe.

    Everything else was hazy anyway.

    ¡°Hey? Akai?¡± Hope. Hope laced the voice speaking. Hope was good.

    I didn¡¯t respond.

    I wanted to. I didn¡¯t want to. Everything was muddy. I wanted to. I¡­

    I couldn¡¯t.

    My mouth wasn¡¯t responding. Not just my mouth. I wanted to look at May. But my hands were safe. Besides. May had hurt me. Just like the others.

    <b><i>But had she?</i></b>

    <i>What?</i> A noise, a buzz. Most pressing pain. My shoulders hurt. Familiar ache. More intense than lately. That was May. But she didn¡¯t mean to. She didn¡¯t know better. My cheek stung a little bit. That wasn¡¯t May. <i>I did that, didn¡¯t I?</i> But nothing else. Well. My chest hurt. But that was different. That pain was internal.

    No pain elsewhere? That couldn¡¯t be right. Gon¡ªMay had hit me, hadn¡¯t she? I felt it.

    ¡°Hey, you here?¡± came May¡¯s voice, soft. Anxious. Nervous. ¡°Alright, give me a minute.¡± Her voice turned back to me. ¡°I¡¯m going to go outside for a few minutes. I¡¯ll be right back, okay?¡±

    I nodded.

    Wait. Why could I nod? I tried to move my head again. Nothing.

    Hands. Safe. I took care of hands. Washed them. Trimmed the nails. Sometimes painted them. Soft. But that didn¡¯t matter.

    The door opened, and there¡¯s a brief eruption of traffic noise before it goes quiet again, a soft click silencing the room. I laid there, mind entirely focused on my hands. Time passed. A beep. A whir. Traffic returned, then dissipated again with another click. A male voice offered his greeting of intrusion. It¡¯s warm. Casual. Inviting.

    ¡°Apologies for intruding, Miss¡­?¡± the man started, then paused, letting the sentence hang in the air.

    I didn¡¯t respond. My mouth still wasn¡¯t obeying. May answered for me, though. ¡°Tori. Tori Akai.¡±

    ¡°Miss Tori.  My name is Imari Min¨¦, I¡¯m May¡¯s brother and a doctor. Do you mind if I come in?¡±

    No, don¡¯t come in. It¡¯s okay, come in. I said nothing. I couldn¡¯t see them. I wasn¡¯t able to focus outside of my hands, finally, but¡­ I couldn¡¯t control most of my body. Or maybe I could, just¡­ couldn¡¯t. He seemed to get that he could come in, though. He was May¡¯s brother. I wouldn¡¯t refuse him. He made a surprised noise a moment later.

    ¡°What?¡± May asked, confused. Then, with dawning horror, she continued: ¡°Oh fuck, sorry.¡± A moment later, a blanket covered me.

    Right. I was only wearing a bra.

    She moved into my peripheral vision, and I glanced up to her. She was watching me, her eyes finding my own and she offered me a soft smile. I didn''t return it. Couldn''t. I wanted to, even if it would have been faked. To assure her everything was fine.

    The man''s voice came from behind me. ¡°May I sit next to you, Miss Tori?¡± May sat down. I didn''t mind him. Despite what had happened, I wanted her presence. But I didn''t respond. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. ¡°Is it okay if May takes your hand?¡±

    This got a nod. It was a little easier this time. May reached out, sneaking her hand under the blanket she used to cover me and took my hand. Her look of trepidation transformed, going to one more of relief. See? It''ll be okay, May.

    ¡°I need to ask some questions,¡± Imari said cautiously. ¡°I¡¯ll try to keep them as yes or no. Squeeze May¡¯s hand once for yes, twice for no. Is this doable?¡±

    Squeeze. That should be simple, right? Just a simple signal to the flexor digitorum muscles. May doesn''t say anything, the relief slowly fading from her face. I must not have done it. I will myself to squeeze. This time, I definitely felt my fingers tighten a bit. Finally, May spoke up, so I must have.

    ¡°Yes.¡± The relief is back.

    ¡°I¡¯m going to ask a couple of questions I asked before, mostly to have a concrete answer. I need you to be honest with me; neither myself nor May will be unhappy or mad at any of your answers. Is it okay that I¡¯m here?¡±

    Is it? Technically, May lives here, she¡¯s allowed to have people over. I didn¡¯t mind him being here. He¡¯s a doctor, so he¡¯s not likely to try to hurt me. So I squeezed once. May spoke for me: ¡°Yes.¡±

    ¡°May I sit on the futon?¡±

    Again, one squeeze, and a yes from May.

    ¡°Thank you, Miss Tori.¡± He shuffled around behind me and I felt the futon shift as another weight came down on it. Then, he spoke again. ¡°If at any time you want me to leave, just squeeze May¡¯s hand five times and I''ll leave, no questions asked.¡± A brief pause. ¡°The only wrong answer to these questions is to lie. If you answer wrong, just try to correct it. Or squeeze May¡¯s hand three times if you don¡¯t think you can answer honestly.

    ¡°Are you and May dating?¡± May took her attention off me, looking up and beyond ¨C probably at her brother ¨C as I squeeze her hand once.

    She looked unhappy, but conveyed the answer anyway. ¡°Yes. And to clarify, that was her response, not mine.¡±

    This prompted a chuckle from the doctor. ¡°I can tell. Miss Tori, are you happy in your relationship with her?¡±

    May¡¯s eyes had returned to mine when he started talking to me again. I squeezed once, and again, May answered for me. ¡°Yes.¡±

    ¡°Do you feel safe at the moment?¡±

    Do I? I felt some amount of comfort, but¡­ did I feel safe? Sort of? Why did he have to ask <i>that</i> question? I squeezed May¡¯s hand twice and watched as her concerned face fell to one of hurt. ¡°No.¡± I squeezed again immediately after, her hurt turning to confusion, but she relayed my response anyway,  ¡°Yes? She squeezed again after I said no.¡±

    He hummed thoughtfully. ¡°Did you shift your answer because of May¡¯s reaction?¡±

    Two squeezes. I understood why he asked that. And I probably would have corrected to that were the circumstances different, but I only meant to convey yes and no at the same time. I just didn¡¯t have a signal for that. ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Are you lying?¡±

    Two squeezes. ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Would you tell me if you¡¯re lying?¡± He continued.

    Probably not. One squeeze. ¡°Yes.¡±

    ¡°Are you lying about lying?¡±

    How had he caught it? I paused, trying to sort through the brief bout of panic. But I wasn¡¯t supposed to lie, so with great reluctance, I squeezed May¡¯s hand once, and hoped he wouldn¡¯t be too mad. ¡°Yes.¡±

    To my surprise, this gained another chuckle from him, and he sounded amused. ¡°I suppose that¡¯s fair. Did you mean both, then?¡±

    Another affirmative squeeze. ¡°Yes.¡± This time, May¡¯s face stays neutral.

    ¡°So kind of. Are you having any thoughts of suicide, hurting yourself, or others?¡±

    I squeezed twice. ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Have you been abused in the past?¡±

    Two squeezes. May¡¯s brows furrowed, ¡°are you sure?¡± Single squeeze. ¡°Uhh? She said no.¡±

    There was a brief pause, then a soft sigh. ¡°I¡¯m going to let you dwell on that. I think that you¡¯re lying to me.¡±

    Why would I lie about that? I squeezed May¡¯s hand twice even though it wasn¡¯t framed as a question. ¡°She just squeezed my hand no.¡±

    ¡°¡¯No¡¯ you¡¯re not lying?¡±

    ¡°Yes.¡±

    ¡°Alright. I¡¯m going to talk to May for a bit.¡± I got the feeling he still didn¡¯t trust me. I pulled May¡¯s hand closer to me, my thumb brushing against the top of her hand. Closing my eyes again, I took in her scent. The rosehip perfume she¡¯d been using lately helped to calm me, so I focused on that and listened to the siblings talk.

    ¡°How are you holding up, May?¡± Imari asked. His tone had changed to a more casual one, lighter than the one he had been using to ask me questions.

    ¡°Fine,¡± May replied, exhaustion lacing the word.

    Imari was quiet for a moment, then he sighed. ¡°You know I¡¯m a surgeon right? I know very little about how to approach this, as I¡¯m just basing it off from two classes I had in college.¡±

    ¡°I..  I know. But you were the only person I thought I could trust to help me. I don¡¯t think anyone else would have had any idea as to how to deal with this. Or even what <i>this</i> is.¡±

    ¡°Dissociating, I think. Essentially, she¡¯s extracting herself from the situation, looking at the situation from an abstract perspective, if I remember it correctly, though it seems like she¡¯s coming back.  It takes time, and the best we can do is wait and do our best to be as non-threatening as possible.¡±

    <i>Non-threatening?</i> I never really felt threatened by May. I wanted to protest, but I couldn¡¯t make myself speak. Instead, I opened my eyes again and looked up to May. Her attention was on her brother when I opened them but glanced down at me and smiled tentatively. ¡°Hey there,¡± her voice was soft, an attempt at being calming. I didn¡¯t like it.

    I reached up with my other hand, bringing it out from under the blanket and my fingers splayed out in a pale imitation of a greeting. It was then that I realized that my body was starting to come back to my own control ¨C or, rather, that I had enough will to take control of it again? It wasn¡¯t like I couldn¡¯t control it, just that it was difficult to do so. So much more difficult that it <i>felt</i> like I didn¡¯t have control.

    ¡°Are you alright?¡± She asked.

    Single squeeze. Most the pain had subsided by now ¨C most the pain still lingering in my shoulders. Having a somewhat recently broken collarbone, though, that was to be expected. Still, I couldn¡¯t express any of that with yes and no and go home.

    ¡°Can you talk?¡±

    I tried again to say something, but¡­ No. Nothing came out. So, I squeezed her hand twice.

    ¡°That¡¯s fine ¨C I think? She said no.¡± Her gaze lifted from me to look towards her brother.

    ¡°Should be okay. I don¡¯t know time frames on how long it takes to return, but I know it doesn¡¯t all come back at once.¡± Imari responded to the implied question May had asked. ¡°Are you ready to answer more questions, Miss Tori?¡±

    ¡°Yes,¡± May said after I squeezed her hand again. It wasn¡¯t as if I minded to begin with. I didn¡¯t feel all that much of anything at the moment.

    ¡°I know I asked this already, but I wanted to give you more time before I asked again: Were you abused?¡±

    Two squeezes, and May voiced the denial for me again. I couldn¡¯t do anything if they refused to believe¡ª

    ¡°Were you hit by people you trusted?¡± Imari asked, a little more sternly than his questions had been before now.

    One squeeze.

    May didn¡¯t like that. She practically growled out ¡°yes¡± to her brother.

    ¡°Parents? (Yes) Mother? (No) Father? (Yes) Lovers? (Yes) How many lovers have you had? (2) Friends? (No) Strangers? (No) Others I haven¡¯t covered?¡±

    Each question had the answer voiced by May until the last, which I had to stop and think on. The others had been easy. Gonda was the only other lover I had, and I hadn¡¯t had a friend in over ten years, and the ones before that wouldn¡¯t have done that. I guess Gonda kinda counted as a friend since he was my boyfriend/fianc¨¦ for six years. Eventually, I settled on the answer of ¡®no.¡¯ I couldn¡¯t think of anyone who fit the last category. This, at least, brought some relief to the growing anger in May¡¯s tone and features. She¡¯d gotten tense at my lapse in answering, having gotten angrier at each yes I provided. The no¡¯s had done little to ease that growing frustration in her.

    Imari let out a breath before he asked his next question. ¡°Has May ever hit you?¡±

    I barely had a chance to squeeze her hand before May responded angrily, ¡°No! The fuck, Min¨¦? I already told you I didn¡¯t!¡±

    ¡°I want her answer, May. I know what you¡¯ve said, but I need it from her. I wish she could respond on her own without voicing through you, but¡­¡±

    ¡°Hasn¡¯t.¡± I managed to whisper.

    May¡¯s attention snapped back to me. I hadn¡¯t felt like I¡¯d been very loud in my response, and to be honest, I was mildly surprised I¡¯d even been able to make a noise, especially since all my other attempts had failed ¨C as surprised as I could be, at any rate, through all the general haze and miasma of my mind.

    ¡°See? I told you,¡± May said triumphantly.

    Her brother sighed. ¡°Okay. I didn¡¯t think you had, May, but I still needed to confirm. It¡¯s good to hear you talking though. Are you able to speak more?¡±

    I tried. ¡°No,¡± May said after I signaled to her that I couldn''t.

    Imari asked several more questions, some targeted at May, some at me, none seemed all that important. It took a few more minutes for me to get my voice back entirely, and a little more to sit up ¨C blanket still wrapped around me.

    Finally, I got the chance to see the otherwise disembodied voice. He shared May¡¯s cheekbones, both being a bit more prominent, and had the same black eyes, but he was more lean than May. He wore a dark blue shirt with white slacks, both of which were meticulously clean. His face was clear of stubble, and along with his short black hair, similarly well taken care of. A safe appearance. Or a lie of one.

    ¡°Well, I think it¡¯s time for me to head out. May, call me if you need anything. Miss Tori, if you¡¯d like, I can give you my number and you can call or text me if you need anything?¡±

    May responded before I did, ¡°okay. Thank you, Min¨¦, for everything.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s what brothers are for!¡± he replied to her, grinning.

    ¡°Maybe later,¡± I said. I didn¡¯t have the energy for writing anything. Everything still felt like it was coming in hazy waves.

    ¡°Alright. May has my info if you ever need it. You two have a good night.¡± The door opened and shut quietly as he left the studio.

    I took off my pants after he was gone and laid back down, May joining me shortly and wrapping her arms around me. Despite my attempts to get her to stop, she kept apologizing and swearing to do better until she dozed off to sleep. I followed shortly after.

 Chapter 6: Lira

    Purples. Reds. Greens. Blues. Yellows. Oranges. Browns.

    Lira <i>loved</i> her store.

    Poppy. Pansies. Roses. Lilacs. Aloe vera. Basil. Sage. Parsley. Furias.

    Lira. <b><i>Loved</i></b>. Her store.

    She kept her charges sorted by colors most of the time, unless she was trying to make a display of them, use them as advertisement of what could be done with love and care given time and tending.

    Lira also hated her store.

    The friends she¡¯d spent their entire lives caring for having to leave, likely never to be seen again. The ones she knew she was trading to apothecaries, that were going to get mutilated to be made into something else, something less pretty.

    Lira hated being called an herbalist.

    She preferred florist. Or botanist. Or caretaker. Or babysitter ¨C flowersitter? Or something. But that attracted less customers. Made trading her friends to be able to trade for more friends or for her own livelihood easier. So she reluctantly did it.

    She knew she didn¡¯t have to, of course. Knew that if she didn¡¯t trade her friends, her community would help to take care of her. Like they did for others. Like she did for those in her community that were struggling. As they had always done. But she wanted to contribute, wanted to help take care of her family and¡­ other¡­ friends. Not that they were more important than her true friends, just that that was what was expected, and Lira couldn¡¯t find fault with that expectation.

    She just didn¡¯t entirely like it.

    That was okay though! For every friend she lost, she vowed to get several more! And some knew how much she loved her friends, so they brought her other friends that they could trade with! Those were the best customers! Of course, if they didn¡¯t know how exactly to take care of her new friend, the customer couldn¡¯t tell her, and they weren¡¯t able to accurately describe the environment the new friend was obtained from, there was a lot of trial and error. And sometimes, her new friends would all die before she figured out what they needed.

    Aloe vera was one such friend. The plant was easily drowned, but needed a lot of sunlight, but not direct, and the soil needed to not retain much water, due to aforementioned drowning. The vera was one of the first succulents she had ever received. It was a harsh trade for her ¨C she saw the appeal of the plant, but it was just a thick green grass to others. That was, of course, until apothecaries discovered the plant. Then it became one of her most sought after friends. She had to set aside dozens of them to ensure she could get more friends, otherwise those cruel friend killers would take all of them.

    Lira loved her store.

    These were the thoughts she had on a continual basis as she watered her more thirsty friends and tended to their needs, snipping away bad growths that could cause them harm, moving them either closer or further from the sunlight ¨C largely dependent on the friend. Some needed fresh soil, so she would need to repot them.

    On this particular day, Lira was in the process of reorganizing her friends.

    She decided today that she would organize by flower type, putting like next to like instead of her color by color variation, as well as getting some of the plants that had been out of the sunlight for a day back into it, moving some flowers into the back of her shop ¨C outside it, really ¨C and those that could go without sun back inside for a little bit. It helped considerably that her store front was extremely small. She couldn¡¯t put two of herself laying down head to foot inside. She had tested that using one of her friends to mark her spot on a day she was bored.

    This day was supposed to be a slow day. Historically, it was a slow day. Two customers at most. And both had already come earlier, so she was just hanging out with her friends today. So when she came back inside, several purple poppies in hand, she was startled to see a young woman in her shop. The young woman who always took her by surprise. Though, this meeting was odd.

    For one, there was a guard with her. A tall young man who looked bored and irritated, and also in the midst of saying something when Lira came in.

    ¡°See? She¡¯s not in ¨C the sign said she was closed, just because the door is unlocked¡ª¡±

    ¡°Oh! I forgot to flip the sign!?¡± Lira cried out, hurriedly putting the poppies down and rushed over to the door, flipping her signage. ¡°No, no, your charge was in the right, young man. I¡¯m open.¡±

    The young woman nodded, giving Lira a small wave, worthy of her small frame. She wore a tan shirt and brown pants, with a pair of sandals. The same outfit Lira had always seen her in. The man, clean shaven and young, wore a chain mail tunic, the iconography of Shellick Shell¡¯s caravan ¨C a hirnatoph ¨C emblazoned on it in blue and cowhide pants. Unarmed, he looked like he would be able to do little, but there weren¡¯t many attacks on a city like Memstats by the wild life, so weapons were rarely needed. Normally, people also didn¡¯t get guard escorts in cities, for that same reason: they were already safe.

    The second was that¡­ she simply wasn¡¯t expecting <b><i>this</i></b> customer this soon. Akai was a regular, but a regular only at specific times of the year, and this was a season too early for her regular visits. Lira didn¡¯t mind Akai too much, despite her position as an apothecary, largely because Akai always asked about health care of the plants she traded for, and brought seeds of plants that were harder for Lira to get naturally. And she¡¯s brought Lira aloe vera. Multiple times. Until Lira got the hang of taking care of them. And the gorgeous flowers that were poppy.

    Oddly, Akai was the only apothecary that visited Lira who was interested in poppy. Akai always claimed it was because she thought the flower was pretty, but Lira could tell there was more to it than that. Not that Akai was wrong about the plant being pretty ¨C it was one of Lira¡¯s more sought after friends due to it¡¯s attractive qualities ¨C just that it was odd to Lira that Akai had brought the flower to her to figure out how to grow it, and even after she told Akai how, the woman still came to her. She told Lira that she¡¯d prefer to get them from Lira since she didn¡¯t want others to know she used them. Swore Lira to secrecy on that bit, too, when Lira had asked why she doesn¡¯t grow them herself. They were easier to care for than some of the other plants that Akai had traded for, gotten care tips on, and then seemed to never want to trade for them again. Lira knew she had a garden of friends, too.

    Sometimes she suspected that Akai just liked the companionship of talking to someone as fervent about friends as Lira was. Truthfully, though, Lira knew precious little about the apothecary. She¡¯d figured out that she was the rumored Witch of Seyiki, but that held precious little to Lira. The rumors weren¡¯t always true ¨C for instance, her sister Mira had told her that the witch had brought her friend back from the dead. When Lira asked, Akai was shocked.

    She¡¯d said, ¡°no? Gabe was just sick. I treated some of his symptoms so he could get energy back in his system to help fight off the infection.¡±

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    But the fact that no other apothecary or healer seemed to know what to do with Gabe, Lira was <i>not</i> sold on Akai¡¯s claims. Maybe Gabe wasn¡¯t dead yet, but he would have died without her, so Lira decided that Akai did in fact bring Gabe back from the dead. Semantics be damned.

    Lira would almost be tempted to say that she liked the apothecary in her store now. Blasphemous and traitorous as it would be to her friends if they knew that (which they did, as Lira had told them after the fourth time the woman had visited.)

    ¡°Oh!¡± the man said. His voice was a little higher in pitch ¨C maybe Lira was wrong about how old she¡¯d originally assumed he was. ¡°Sorry to intrude on you, Ms. Lira. I was trying to get her to not go in but she insisted you were open.¡±

    ¡°Like I said, she was right. I did legitimately just forget to flip the sign. I do that sometimes. Besides, Akai is always welcome in my shop, regardless of the signage.¡± Lira waved her hand flippantly to the young man, apparently too caught up in his own head to listen to her the first time. ¡°What can I do for you today, Akai?¡±

    Akai smiled softly at her, approaching the wooden counter that Lira now stood behind, her head barely peeking up over it. ¡°Looking for more aloe vera, sage, and poppy, Miss Lira, if they can be spared. I don¡¯t have the space to make aloe vera work very well at my home. Especially not when I have to leave as often as I do.¡±

    Lira sighed and shook her head, though she wore a smile through it all. ¡°And what have you brought this time?¡±

    ¡°Spices, mostly. I think I¡¯ve given you all the seeds that can be grown for your friends that are in my region.¡± The soft voice of Akai was something that Lira also enjoyed.

    ¡°Friends?¡± the man asked.

    ¡°Ano.. That¡¯s what Miss Lira calls her plants.¡± Akai supplied before Lira could explain. ¡°She has a pretty good relation with them.¡±

    ¡°That I do! They¡¯re often much more easy to understand than people. Just makes them more difficult to part with.¡±

    ¡°Then why do you run a shop of them if you don¡¯t want to part with them?¡± the man asked, scratching the top of his head in confusion.

    ¡°Other people like them, too, you know? If I were to hog them all to myself and never share them, then they don¡¯t get to meet new people, and that¡¯s also a pretty big shame. By the way, what¡¯s your name? I know Akai, but not you.¡±

    ¡°Ah, my name is Sir Almmiir Gresintock!¡± he exclaimed proudly.

    ¡°¡®Sir?¡¯¡± Lira inquired, mildly intrigued. She also, belatedly, remembered that she was supposed to be grabbing plants for Akai, so she went about to grab some sage and aloe vera - both readily accessible - but the aloe vera was in the back of her shop presently, so she¡¯d have to run back there for that.

    ¡°Well, maybe not right now, but soon!¡± he boasted, trying to puff out what small frame he had hidden beneath the chain mail to make himself look more buff than he truly was.

    Lira half wondered if he was faking his prowess just as much as he faked his titles, but she didn¡¯t let that color her voice as she said, ¡°I see. Well, it¡¯s a pleasure to meet you, Sir Almmiir Gresintock.¡±

    ¡°Likewise, Ms. Lira,¡± he replied, making a small bow to the herbalist.

    A gentle laugh came from her lips to mask the discomfort she had towards the man¡¯s actions. This? This was why Lira preferred interacting her real friends and not¡­ whatever Almmiir was on about. She turned her attention back to Akai.  ¡°Well, what kind of spices did you bring me? And how many of each are you looking for?¡± Lira dare not pronounce more than this around her friends, though.

    ¡°Salt, peppercorns, garlic, ginger, and onion. Mostly powdered where I could manage it, so they should keep for a while. Looking for two leans of sage, four leans of aloe vera¡ªedible if you have enough to spare, but I¡¯ll take non-edible too. And one lean of poppy, preferably in pink.¡±

    ¡°Hmm. I¡¯ll trade it for a quarter lean salt and peppercorns, half a lean of garlic and onion, and an eighth a lean of ginger. I can only spare about half a lean of edible aloe, though.  You were right about that, by the way.¡±

    Akai grinned happily. ¡°It was a drink I sometimes saw back at home. I never tried it, though.¡± She pulled out several jars from the rucksack at her side - a bag Lira just happened to know Akai had made herself. With a little help from a flower sitter. ¡°May I?¡± She asked, gesturing to the scale I had on the counter.

    ¡°Of course. Let me go get your friends ready. Do you need any care reminders?¡± Lira walked away from the counter, going to fetch the plants for the order as Akai weighed out the portions of her spices.

    ¡°No, I have them written down from last time.¡±

    ¡°I still don¡¯t understand how you can read whatever it is you wrote. It was all way too complicated to me.¡± Lira remembered the little symbols that Akai had written on a piece of paper.  The only one that made any sense to her was ¥Ä - and even that was mainly because it just looked like a smile to Lira. Akai had <i>tried</i> to explain it to Lira, but it all went over her head so badly that Lira had to eventually wave her off.

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s a lot to try and learn, especially in a single sitting. It makes a bit more sense in my language, and sometimes doesn¡¯t translate well or easily to your language. It¡¯s also largely irrelevant since, as far as I know, I¡¯m the only person in the area who speaks it. Done.¡± Akai put the newly filled jars on the wood counter, and waited patiently for Lira.

    Not that she had to wait long, as a mere couple of minutes later, Lira set on the counter the plants that Akai had requested. It was impossible to truly weigh them, though, as the planters made that a bit difficult, but she¡¯d worked with Akai enough to know that she was perfectly okay with that and wouldn¡¯t even ask Lira to attempt it for her.

    Which was a plus for Lira! She hated pulling her friends out of their beds just to put them on a silly scale. Akai made this all easier since she just trusted Lira. So Lira gave her extra in return. Even more extra than she was already getting, as Akai always gave her more than she asked for.

    Akai nodded, taking the plants in her arms. Almmiir reached over and also took several of the plants, much to Lira¡¯s distaste, but she kept her opinion to herself. The young guard looked far too¡­ guardy for her to entirely feel comfortable with him handling friends. Still, Akai didn¡¯t seem to be reaching out to stop him,  which Lira was pretty sure she¡¯d do if she didn¡¯t trust him, so she let it be.

    ¡°Thank you very much, Ms Lira,¡± Akai said with a small bow over her new friends. ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to treasure your friends until they are needed.¡±

    ¡°And thank you for your continued patronage, Akai. I wouldn¡¯t have some of these friends if not for your knowledge and supply. They¡¯re just as much your friends as mine, as far as I am concerned.¡± Lira responded in kind. She waved to the two as they left, a genuine smile on her face. The powdered spices that Akai had brought her made for some excellent meals and barter options. Many in Memstats adored the spices, even with such low weights, Lira could often trade up quite a bit.

    Akai had been willing to share how to make the spices she traded - Lira had even offered Akai a life time supply of one of her friends in exchange. Until she found out just how much torment she¡¯d have to put her friends through. Then, she wasn¡¯t okay with it. She ended up rescinding the offer, since while the knowledge she was sure was good, she wouldn¡¯t be able to utilize it, not even to the point of disseminating it to others to utilize on her behalf. Akai had taken it in stride, saying that she would have still offered trade for what she needed anyway, sometime down the line, since it wasn¡¯t something she felt was entirely fair to Lira.

    She¡¯d been right, of course. Lira hadn¡¯t realized the sheer quantity of rakla Akai was going to ask for. Lira had barely been able to keep her supply up until she mentioned the potential issue to Akai. To which, Akai immediately stopped trading for it. She said she could source from someone else and didn¡¯t want to hurt Lira¡¯s friends like that.

    Originally grateful for Akai¡¯s understanding, Lira realized a year later that rakla not only was difficult to grow, but also that no one else really grew it like she had been. This prompted her to ask Akai about it the next time they spoke.

    Turned out, rakla was convenient, so Akai preferred it, but she could use others to the same effect, just meant she had to source more friends. Lira had felt bad, but Akai insisted that she wouldn¡¯t rely on rakla if it was a hassle to grow, and insisted that Lira not worry about it beyond what she normally grew. So Lira didn¡¯t bother growing more of it for her. She kept with her normal amount to replenish her stores. Akai would still trade for some every now and again, but never in as high of quantity as she had when she was still newer to the friend. Maybe a lean a year.

    Lira watched the pair leave, still reflecting on some of the past interactions she¡¯d had with the supposed ¡®witch.¡¯ She didn¡¯t subscribe to the notion that the rumors provided on her, having known of Akai before her name became more widespread. And given that Seyiki was a four week journey from Memstats, it was  very much a surprise that anyone in Memstats knew of her. And a testament to what she could do, not that Lira would have guessed that Akai was the witch had Akai not told her during the last visit.

    She turned her attention back to her friends, brushing her fingers along one of the rakla plants near her. The green leaves, fuzzy and wide, ruffled lightly along Lira¡¯s fingers, and Lira imagined the plant purred at her touch, and that the blue flower that stood tall from the center enjoyed her administrations more than it enjoyed the sunlight.