《To Poison a Caterpillar》 Debut Bagley Iowa, November 22, 2027, 7:54 AM ¡°So, is school going to be an everyday thing from now on or what?¡± Jocelyn Cujoh said, balancing her chair on one leg. ¡°It was always an everyday thing; it¡¯s not my fault that your father is a deadbeat that took you to the middle of the ocean to splash around with¡­ I¡¯m not even sure, some goddamn oil!? And then your mom¡­ Your mom gets sick and now I gotta bring some brat in my house with no respect for me.¡± Mildred Zeppeli said, banging around the kitchen with her pots and pans, some bizarre ritual known why only to her. ¡°What if we compromised, I¡¯ll go every other day and I¡¯ll help you clean up around the house when I¡¯m home. God knows you could sure use it.¡± Jojo said, gesturing to the house with piles of objects stretching to the ceiling in some places with the rest of her French toast, casting powdered sugar on the floor. ¡°And besides, it was the butterfly reserve he works at. A wonderful place to keep a small child in my opinion.¡± ¡°I¡¯d appreciate it if the comments about my living state were left to someone that wasn¡¯t wearing¡­ that.¡± Jojo¡¯s grandma said, gesturing to her grandkid¡¯s outfit. ¡°What, we¡¯re just hating out of the blue now?? You know the fit is hard!¡± Jojo exclaimed, standing from her precarious seating position to show off a sweatshirt stained with syrup brandishing a caterpillar surrounded by ghostly wings, bright blue with the words ¡®Atlantic City Insect Reserve¡¯ emboldened under, some sweatpants and a pair of Jordans with the Tom Nook socks. ¡°I thought you were a die hard Nooker!¡± She exclaimed, a frown adorning her face. ¡°I¡¯m going to pretend I didn¡¯t hear that, and we are moving on as of now. Take this wet wipe, grab however many pieces of paper and writing utensils you feel like having, and please get out of my house until I hear that you were at all of your classes.¡± ¡°Sure, sure, just let me grab a bag or something. I¡¯m gonna look like an idiot if I just have 3 or 4 loose pieces of paper and a pen.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t have one, you¡¯ll be late for school if you don¡¯t leave now and also can¡¯t run a 3-minute mile.¡± Jojo grabbed a pen and jumped out an open window, softening her fall from the second story with a hedge and pulled off into a full sprint. As Mildred resumed her morning routine of running around the house slamming cookware together, Jojo turned the corner of the street, preparing for the long trek to get to school. The closest high school was 14.5 miles away, but the buses always ran late so you could usually just say you came in on one of those. Would riding the bus technically be easier? For any sane, normal, person that can¡¯t run 14.5 miles at a full sprint, sure, why not. Unfortunately for the school administration, Jojo was not a normal person. She was fully capable, ready, and willing to run however far she needed to go if it meant she didn¡¯t have to sit on- ¡°I SAID GET IN THE BUS MOTHERFUCKER! I DON¡¯T GET PAID ENOUGH TO RUN OUT THERE AND GET YOU IN HERE MYSELF, BUT I AM WILLING AND ABLE TO!¡± Jojo wasn¡¯t quite sure how long that bus had been there, but she was pretty sure it was longer than the driver wanted it to be there. As she got on the bus, she mumbled out a half-hearted apology before looking for a seat¡­ really anywhere, she wasn¡¯t exactly able to be picky these days. She unfortunately had to settle sitting next to somebody, but she had a couple options. A kid screaming at the top of his lungs, a blonde haired girl with an entire makeup stand taking up her seat, a full robot taking up a seat which should be reserved for humans goddamnit, a dude with an occupied fish tank taking up most of his seat, somebody surrounded by 3 or 4 groupies, really the cream of the crop. She eventually settled for an unfortunate best option, but they didn¡¯t look too weird, should be fine. Looked kind of old to be honest, but people get held back. The fedora wasn¡¯t a great sign, but they honestly kind of pulled it off, maybe they were just quiet enough no one brought it up?This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡°Madame, I see that you have something on your face. Do you require the use of one my handkerchiefs? I always keep a spare for situations just such as this.¡± She had to turn away as tears threatened to fall down her face. Why does this always happen to her? Maybe the groupies would accept her as one of their own. She looked towards them as she saw at least one bra fly over the aisles to be caught by the superstar as he did a twirl and swished his hair. Dead end. Maybe the robot wouldn¡¯t mind her being machinist in her head. That fucking thing was already shaking its head. She was going to have to strip it for copper wire now. Could she ask the makeup girl to move something? Probably not, she was pretty hot and scary to talk to. Screaming guy was still going strong unfortunately. Fish tank seemed too chill to disturb. Maybe she could just thug it out? ¡°My good lady, are you okay? Do you require my shoulder instead to have something solid to rest on?¡± The tears were falling in full force now. They couldn¡¯t do this to her. This was her first full day, and she already had to put up with this shit. She couldn¡¯t do it. The only sensible plan was to feign psychotic break. People would understand. As she reached for one of the alkaline tablets in her pocket she had prepared for just this sort of occasion, she felt, (unfortunately her only way to describe this) the aura next to her shift. She turned to see a younger kid. He now looked appropriately nervous sitting this close to a complete stranger she wished he had never spoken to before. ¡°Oh god, did he get to you? I¡¯m so sorry, I have dissociative identity disorder, my other personality is incredibly inconvenient. My name is Hermes Costello, I like gay people and good jokes, it¡¯s nice to meet you, sorry, what did you say your name was again?¡± He was speaking fast, sentences doubling over each other, looking much more nervous now, but there was a vein on his forehead, pulsing. ¡°It¡¯s, uh, nice to meet you too man.¡± Jojo decided to avoid the alkaline tablet for now, it only ever really works once, and she could always just use it again if the freak came back. ¡°My name is Jocelyn Cujoh, but Jojo sounds a lot less like I¡¯m a 40 year old white woman.¡± ¡°Haha, that¡¯s a good one. Speaking of which, what kind of music do you like? This will determine the rest of this conversation.¡± ¡°Ummm, I guess rap? Big fan of Kendrick Lamar if you-¡± Hermes had slumped against the window, already asleep.Damn, he wasn¡¯t kidding. What should I have said though? I mean, it¡¯s not like he¡¯s hot enough to try and appease, he¡¯s barely a 5, maybe a 6 if you¡¯re feeling generous, aaand he¡¯s woken up. Please be the normal one, please be the normal one, please please please please.Judging by the fact he was just staring at her; it didn¡¯t seem too likely unfortunately. ¡°You have no parents, live with your grandma, and were going to run 14.53 miles to school. This, combined with your extreme lack of social skills, means that you have no one in your life that you could go to for an emergency. You only chose this seat because you were too nervous to speak to anyone else on the bus, and if it wasn¡¯t for the fact that the pathetic one started talking to you when he did, you would have tossed a tablet in your mouth and acted like you were having a seizure. Personally, I¡¯d recommend at least asking the kid sitting with the fish tank and then turning to someone else when he says no.¡± A deep sigh ripped through her as she stared at the sheer drop of the river they were traveling over.Just because I¡¯m in the aisle doesn¡¯t mean I couldn¡¯t dolphin dive out the other window. Thankfully for all parties involved, at that moment the bus ground to a stop. The driver leaned out to scream at a pedestrian. Then she slumped back down in her seat. The doors pulling open, a 20 something man ascending the steps. Button up shirt, glasses, some nice pants. Blood was dripping from the bus driver now; Jojo must have missed the gunshot. The man was holding a gun as well. He was walking down the aisle now. That was towards her. That¡¯s bullshit. She didn¡¯t even want to be here. She should be seeing this on the news, sending thoughts and prayers to the family.I guess I¡¯ll have to do something about this. Maybe if I jump him, he¡¯ll shoot my leg on accident or something. A blunt object was moving towards his head now, but something stopped it about 2 feet away. He spun on the girl who was holding it, a golden bullet ripping into her stomach as she fell onto the floor. Jojo fell too, but she was foaming at the mouth by now, spasming on the floor. The man looked disgusted, stepping over her. She grabbed at the gun pointing it away from her, trying to wrest it from his grip, his finger pulling the trigger a few times by instinct. She pulled it out of his grip and tried to point it at him.Why can¡¯t I raise my arm?She turned her head to see the gun slipping out of her hand as blood dripped onto it. The only thought she could form before slipping into real unconsciousness was, ¡°Oh.¡± TPAB Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Sheba the Freak and OH! Tengo Suerte ¡°I won¡¯t tell you anything! You can torture me all you want, but I¡¯ll never talk!¡± Jojo shrugged, before releasing her arms and opening her eyes as wide as they could go. If she was gonna let this freak¡¯s legs break, she was gonna do it right. Besides, the hospital had fixed up a bullet wound just fine; they couldn¡¯t mess it up that bad. Suddenly, a loud bang came from behind, the sound of a door hitting a wall, and heavy panting from somebody that sounded like they hadn¡¯t run since 1st grade when they got chased home by a dog that lived next door after school every day. ¡°The floozy was holding the dame from earlier now, could be a scorned lover, but more likely something about money. It usually is in these circumstances, but motives be damned. The dame was about to fall, and the bimbo holding her was about to turn around and get me next if I wasn¡¯t careful. If I didn¡¯t do something soon, the dame would be vulture food on the pavement, and I¡¯d be down a client.¡± This was a woman¡¯s voice, transatlantic accent in full swing. ¡°WHOA, IS THAT BITCH GONNA DROP THAT EXTREMELY KIND AND ATTRACTIVE REPTILE OWNER?! NOT TO WORRY LADY, I¡¯LL SAVE YOU!¡± A much younger voice now, probably 17, that sounded eerily familiar. ¡°Whoever you are, I swear to God, I¡¯m going to go over there and throw you off this roof after I take care of this bitch if you don¡¯t shut the fuck up and go back through the door!¡± Jojo could¡¯ve sworn that she¡¯d already dropped this woman, but she couldn¡¯t really do it now with a witness, so she¡¯d just wait and let TPAB pick up the slack when she had to blink. It was pretty tiring to leave it open for long stretches, but she could just pop it open every now and again just fine. The woman started back, ¡°The floozy was just standing there, a good sign for negotiations, but I still had to put in the leg work if I wanted everyone to be alive come the next dawn.¡± ¡°It¡¯s like noon, why are you talking about the next dawn like it¡¯s going to be here soon? Also not hearing a whole lot of leaving.¡± This was getting everybody nowhere, so Jojo spun the woman in the air, grabbing her by the ankles and shaking her above the 2-story drop. ¡°Tell me what you want.¡± ¡°The bullet!¡± ¡°Dumb question, that ones on me. Why do you want the bullet?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll never tell you!¡± ¡°Hey, could you come over here with your mom or whatever and punch this bitch in the face if you¡¯re not gonna leave?¡± A fist whizzed past Jojo¡¯s head into the woman¡¯s face, rocking her as she hung over the drop. ¡°YEAH, THAT¡¯S RIGHT, FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HOPE YOU GET INTO A HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT AND THEY HAVE TO IDENTIFY THE BODY BY THE FUCKING DENTAL RECORDS YOU GODDAMN WHORE!¡± ¡°Alright, calm down man, how do you have this much beef with her already? Who are you anyway?¡± ¡°Ah right, forgot to introduce myself. I¡¯m THE GUY THAT¡¯S GONNA RIP YOUR INTESTINES OUT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING THROAT IF YOU DON¡¯T SHUT UP WITH ALL THE GODDAMN QUESTIONS!¡± This dude is tweaking, someone should really do something about that. ¡°So, you wanna punch her some more while we try to get her to tell us shit?¡± He barely even needed prompting before trying to make the woman¡¯s face look like a plate of spaghetti. *BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM* ¡°Chill dude, we need to ask questions first.¡± ¡°Why do you want the bullet?¡± *BAM* ¡°We have to wait for her to answer man.¡± ¡°Fuck off,¡± came the answer from the woman. *BAM BAM* She spat out blood. ¡°You¡¯ll have to pantomime the words with my cold dead corpse.¡± *BAM BAM BAM* ¡°You¡¯re making this a lot harder than it has to be.¡± *BAM BAM BAM BAM* ¡°We can go all day, but you¡¯re not looking so hot. Just tell us already and get it over with.¡± *BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM* The woman wasn¡¯t speaking anymore, just breathing pretty heavy. ¡°Dude, I think you fucked her up too bad.¡± ¡°Oh jeez, I really didn¡¯t mean to, they just get so worked up sometimes.¡± Jojo spun her head around, looking at the new voice. ¡°Hermes? When the fuck did you get here?¡± ¡°Sorry, the other ones might be more useful for what you¡¯re trying to do. This lady looks pretty messed up already though.¡± ¡°Yeah, I honestly just need someone chill right now. Do the other ones have names by the way? Feels a little weird to just call them the freak and the geeked one.¡± ¡°My mom says I shouldn¡¯t indulge them by giving them names.¡± ¡°The name¡¯s Sam Spade, and my less eloquent colleague is just called number 3. I hate to see his outbursts, but it¡¯s necessary for the job at hand.¡± The woman over Hermes¡¯ shoulder was speaking now, crimson lipstick, curly hair blown back by the wind, but her face still obscured by a shadow, even from an angle where she should have been able to make out features. This is some stand bullshit, I already know. The woman was also wearing a pink fur coat and a sleeveless red dress with a slit on the leg exposing silver high heels. She had black gloves extending to her elbow, and round ball joints where her hands should have been.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Just as Jojo turned back to the unconscious woman in her hands, she saw a glint from a nearby rooftop. Which was a little strange tbh, bc she didn¡¯t think that she had seen any skylights or solar panels on any houses while she was shaking the woman around. A bullet ripped through the air, embedding itself in Jojo¡¯s leg after blowing apart the woman¡¯s head, coating the wall in blood and brain, Jojo fell to the floor, dropping the body, and dragging Hermes with her. ¡°Shit! We gotta do something about that. Do you have anything you can use to get them from here? My only thing would be throwing shit at him, and I can¡¯t really get it that far. It¡¯s at least 100 feet from here and running there wouldn¡¯t really work. You got any bullshit you can pull out of your ass?¡± The older man from the bus was standing next to her, completely ignoring the bullet that had just pierced through someone¡¯s head moments ago. He had managed to come up with 2 pieces of rebar somehow and was looking around for something. ¡°I saw the glint coming from that house-¡± Sam Spade interrupted, ¡°Judging by the angle of the blood spread, the trajectory of the bullet, and the time traveled, I can deduce that the bullet came from that building over there!¡± He pointed at a building with a wide flat roof and a large sign, ¡®The Garden¡¯s Assisted Living.¡¯ ¡°No, I saw the sniper-¡± but sure enough, there was now a glint coming from the assisted living center rather than the closer building. She was sure that she had seen it coming from the first building and not the other one though. Fucking stand bullshit. The woman was gone, now leaving a black and white bird with numbers adorning its feathers, an acorn for an eye, a silver horseshoe in one foot and a jade 4-leaf clover in the other, and a rabbit¡¯s foot in its beak. It was flying up and down in diagonal lines over and over, clacking its beak in a rhythmic manner. A shot rang out again, the wind from the bullet throwing back his hair, revealing a wide manic grin and tiny cracks spiderwebbing throughout his eyes. He was bouncing the rebar on the concrete of the roof, somehow always making it back up to his waiting hand as he watched the opposite roof for something to happen. A third shot went by his head as the bird behind him flew faster and faster, fast enough that it almost seemed like a shape was being drawn in the air, weaving in and out of itself, seeming to have no end. Number 3 stopped bouncing the rebar, turning his head to listen as a bullet appeared in the spot his head was moments ago. He nodded, before turning his body to throw the rebar as a bullet pierced the air that had held his center mass, throwing the piece of rebar towards the building about 600 feet away. He turned around, leaning in close to Jojo. ¡°You got any cigarettes? This fuck I¡¯m sitting in keeps whining about ¡°lung cancer¡± and some bullshit about his ¡°mommy¡± finding out. I swear, I would RIP THAT SCUM FROM JAW TO WAIST if we weren¡¯t in the same stupid body.¡± ¡°I, uh, I don¡¯t have any cigarettes on me, no. Are you going to do anything about that guy shooting at us?¡± ¡°What, did you miss the chunk of rebar that¡¯s gonna kill him?¡± She looked over at the bar sitting on the road, very much not killing the guy. Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but I¡¯m not sure this is going to go well. I dunno, maybe he¡¯s got some crazy rebar-based power, and the other guy is already dead or something, and I¡¯m gonna go, wow, thank you, that was so cool type shit. The rebar was very much not being cool type shit. In fact, it was barely even moving. Just sort of rolling from being thrown from the second floor. She couldn''t even see what should be happening, it was just mild traffic, and a couple people walking around, there was some crying lady with an urn and a guy chatting with some nurse near the door. Oh, and the guy sitting on the roof shooting at her. Oh my God, I¡¯m gonna die. This is it. I¡¯m gonna die because this fucking idiot decided to throw a piece of rebar instead of being useful. Just then, a car drove by, rolling over the rebar. Unfortunately, as the rebar was impacted, it drove itself through the drive shaft at a perfect 45 degree angle at 2,700 feet per second, rendering the car completely useless forever, sending the owner into crippling debt for the rest of their life after becoming unable to travel to their job multiple miles away in a larger city. The rebar was unaware of this, just as it was unaware the metal object in a crying woman leaving the assisted living center¡¯s hands it knocked over as it flew farther away was an urn, inside the final remains of a mother with the instructions to travel as far away as possible before spreading the ashes. It only made it like 30 feet, but I¡¯m sure she¡¯d understand. The rebar continued to be unaware of all of this as it continued upward, hitting a streetlamp overlooked in the latest safety inspection, carrying both into the window of the assisted living center, smashing the life support of a proud Purple Heart recipient, sending him into shock before he succumbed to the chronic illness that had plagued him all of his life. (He was in extreme pain as he died btw, want to make that clear) The glass from the lightbulb exploding traveled through the ventilation duct, impacting a fan, placing it slightly off rhythm, causing the sniper perched on the roof to become slightly distracted, angling his next shot slightly too high, missing his 6th shot, the last one in his magazine. He dropped his gun and began pacing, yelling at the top of his lungs how he can¡¯t do anything right and is going to get fired. At that moment, a pedestrian walking by saw what they assumed to be some sort of tool on the ground, saw the man on a roof lamenting his life, and saw the fallen lamppost sticking through a window. What the man did not see was the corpse inside, the sniper on the roof, or the 2 people behind him coming to terms with the fact that their lives have fallen apart. He was an upbeat kind of guy, and decided to help out the guy that obviously dropped his tool. So, he tossed up the piece of rebar and moved on to his next thing, which in this case was a car swerving off the road after a woman threw herself into the road with an empty urn. The kind man will leave behind his wife and 14 children adopted from a monastery in the Himalayas. Unable to support all of her children with one salary, his wife will be forced to begin a life of crime, before she will inevitably get caught at the age of 84, where she would die of pneumonia inside a prison van. The driver of the car would forever be plagued by guilt, becoming an alcoholic, where he would die at the age of 46 after a bar fight ended up rupturing his appendix and he never received medical care for it. As the rebar hit the roof, it impacted against his sniper, making a noise almost like a bullet impacting the shingles of the roof he was on. The sniper made a split second decision and popped a cyanide pill inside his tooth, only after seeing the rebar leaned up against his sniper, his last conscious thought wondering what his aging mother would do after his bank account dried up. Collab ¡°¡­and, and then the mom has to turn to a life of crime to support her FOURTEEN CHILDREN adopted from a MONASTERY in the HIMALAYAS! Can you believe that? Then she gets away with it until EIGHTY FOUR years old! And then, this is the best part, she doesn¡¯t even make it to trial, she dies of PNEMONIA in the POLICE VAN!¡± Number 3 laughed with a ker-whack when he was a bird, a grating and deafening sound. ¡°Do you have to talk about that stuff? You know it makes me feel bad.¡± ¡°Aww, does the little baby not like hearing about how people are going to die and not being able to help? That¡¯s TOO FUCKING BAD, get over it. If anything, you killed them, you could¡¯ve just handled it yourself.¡± ¡°How is it my fault that you killed them?!¡± ¡°If you let a bear out in front of a baby, is that your fault or the bear¡¯s?¡± Jojo interrupted, ¡°We¡¯re not doing this, this is the stupidest thing I¡¯ve ever heard. Please just shut up until I deal with my grandma and then move very far away from me.¡± Number 3 pouted, which was honestly difficult to do as a bird, but it seemed he had a lot of training. Hermes seemed grateful, which is nice, because I felt like I was being a little mean, but I really don¡¯t like the freaks that Hermes is attached to. ¡°The rest of the idiots I was stuck with were blabbering on about nothing, but I was convinced that we needed to go check the body and make sure it was really dead.¡± Sam was on the other side of Hermes now, in between him and Jojo, leaning in, blocking her sight of Hermes. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure he¡¯s dead, I mean, I saw him stand up and then just kind of crumple to the floor. Seems like dead dude behavior to me.¡± Sam turned to Jojo, an indiscernible mask of shadow and hair, before turning back to Hermes, whispering something. ¡°You can¡¯t seriously be thinking about believing a fake detective over a real human person.¡± A slight pause, Sam stopped talking, and then Hermes leaned back, looking at Jojo with a guilty expression. ¡°Oh my god, don¡¯t speak to me.¡± ¡°Jojo-¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to hear it.¡± ¡°But he has a good point-¡± ¡°What does it matter?! Why can¡¯t you just ignore it and not try and kill that guy more dead than he already is!? Are you a psychopath that needs to go double tap him after you gave him a heart attack or whatever with your horrible evil murder stand?¡± ¡°But what if he tries to come kill us again! What are we gonna do then?¡± ¡°Kill him again! It wasn¡¯t really that hard the first time! Just throw a rock at him or something and he¡¯ll do a triple backflip and crack his head on a passing orphanage and kill them all!¡± ¡°Do you want that? It¡¯ll be easier for everyone if we can just take care of him while he¡¯s weak and unconscious!¡± ¡°Are you listening to yourself?! Let¡¯s go kill the guy that is unconscious because there¡¯s a chance he might come get us later!?¡± ¡°And what would you want to do? Just ignore him and wait for him to come and ambush us again? Look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives because you can¡¯t do what needs to be done!¡± Jojo looked at Hermes as he began looking more and more nervous. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I- I just...¡± He trailed off. Jojo sighed, and then began walking back towards her hospital room. ¡°You can go figure out whatever you want, but I have more important people to worry about.¡± Jojo stepped away, leaving Hermes standing alone in the hall. Damn, what room number was I in? I think it was on the first floor, but I got no clue where. I gotta start paying more attention. Alright, alright, I¡¯m just gonna go in this room and hope. She stepped inside, seeing a school of silver fish swim right by her head, about the size of her index finger. As she looked farther around the room, she saw more, a massive catfish at least 9 feet long stretching out the window towards the grass, coral growing fast along the ceiling, a giant mola mola investigating another, flat fish, about 4ish inches. ¡°Can you see this?¡± A voice from a bed called, a small boy, like 10 or 12 or smth, idk. Sitting in his lap was an aquarium, bigger than him by a long shot, sitting on top of the handlebars of the bed. ¡°I just kinda woke up with my aquarium and there was a bunch of my fish swimming around. I really like Pearl over there, he thinks he¡¯s one of those big old fish from Hawaii, isn¡¯t that cute?¡± ¡°Yeah, sure is. Um, any of the other ones got names?¡± ¡°The Pictus Catfish is called Napolean, the schooling fish over there are Harlequin Rasboras, it¡¯s Huey, Dewey, Louis, Inky, Blinky, Pinky, Clyde, Balin and Dwalin, Fili and Kili, Dori, Nori and Ori, Oin and Gloin, and Bifur and Bofur. The coral is just Carol, my mom named that one, the one that Pearl is looking at over there is Yumeiro, and if you look really carefully, you can see my little brother in the chair over there.¡± A metal figure sat slumped up against a wall, the same bucket of bolts from on the bus, goddamn freak. ¡°Oh, jeez, didn¡¯t notice him. He okay?¡± ¡°I think so, they do that sometimes where they¡¯ll just sit in the sun and not speak for a while. I only woke up like 20 minutes ago, so I figure I¡¯ll let them sit for a while before I check on them.¡± ¡°Oh, okay, cool. So, uh, is it like a physical deformity, or are they one of those dudes that needs the machine to keep them breathing?¡± Oh my god, this might be unsalvageable. Should I pivot to cardboard manufacturing? I can¡¯t pull the pregnant card this early. ¡°I can hear you you know.¡± The voice came out modulated and harsh, a barely identifiable tone, as if it had gone through a voice changer 3 or 4 times before being scraped through the grinder where a mouth should be set. ¡°Oh, uh, my bad. I just uh-¡± ¡°You wanted to know what was up with the metal body. It¡¯s no big deal, some people ask the question with more tact than others, some wait for us to become close, but everyone wants to find out eventually. It¡¯s the obvious question.¡± They paused, the echo of their words bouncing inside the tin man cosplay, a crude facsimile of a human form. ¡°So¡­ is there an answer you feel¡­ comfortable with?¡± ¡°Oh, glad you consider my feelings now that you know I can hear you. Of course, let me just divulge the full details of my condition so that you may properly feel bad for me.¡± ¡°Alright man, don¡¯t have to be a dick about it. You can just say no.¡± ¡°No, please, why don¡¯t I give you my medical details. Would you like my birth certificate too? How about my social security card.¡± They were attempting to gesture now, a movement that revealed how stiff and jerky the body they inhabited was. With every lift of an arm, wires were revealed, almost flesh colored, traveling from a clawed hand to a torso about 2 feet long, completely rectangular. ¡°Listen, I¡¯m sorry, I just wanted to make conversation, I picked a bad topic. Completely my fault.¡± ¡°No one said it wasn¡¯t. Why are you in our hospital room you pervert.¡± ¡°Whoa, who said anything about pervert. I resent that statement you, you clanker.¡± ¡°Really? What are you, a Geonosian veteran?¡± ¡°Be quiet, you guys are scaring Huey, Dewey, Louis, Inky, Blinky, Pinky, Clyde, Balin and Dwalin, Fili and Kili, Dori, Nori-¡± ¡°Alright, I get the picture. Sorry about this whole thing, um¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s Huey, Dewey, Louis-¡± ¡°She meant our names Freddy.¡± ¡°Oh. I¡¯m Freddy, and that¡¯s Kenny. I don¡¯t like to have grudges hanging in the shadows, so everyone say the problem you have with everyone else and then they can apologize for it. Kenny, I think you were very mean to this nice lady, and you still haven¡¯t told us your name.¡± ¡°Oh, my name is Jojo.¡± Freddy rolled his hand, signaling for her to continue. ¡°And I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t introduce myself sooner?¡± ¡°Good, and Kenny you too.¡±Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for being rude to you Jojo. Freddy, I think you are trying to make friends with this girl too quickly. And I still think she should leave, because you need to recover from getting shot.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry for trying to make friends and I also apologize for trying to protect my fish with my own body.¡± They were speaking without a hint of sarcasm or irony, like this was something they did all the time. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for being in your room still, I can leave if it helps.¡± ¡°You still haven¡¯t done your grudges.¡± ¡°Oh, uh, I wish that Kenny had let me sit on the bus with him, and I think that one of you should try and help me find my room.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t get up Kenny, I got this.¡± Freddy was already letting down the side rails on his bed and moving to stand with his, holy shit, 200 gallon tank?! I knew it was big, but that¡¯s fucking ridiculous! The label actually said 205, but who¡¯s counting. ¡°Freddy, you got shot, I can handle it.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t even know where the bullet went in, It¡¯s no big deal.¡± ¡°Should you be carrying that right after you had to get stiches?¡± ¡°Please Jojo, if I couldn¡¯t carry this tank through any injury I could possibly endure, I wouldn¡¯t have been on that bus, I would¡¯ve still been doing my conditioning training.¡± He stood, holding the tank with one hand and grabbing a harness from a stand next to him. The tank sat on his back with 2 metal pieces holding it on the front, and straps reaching around to connect back to the top. Jojo spoke as they left the room to check the halls, ¡°Do you do this every day?¡± ¡°Well, sometimes I don¡¯t go anywhere. Then I can put them with the rest of my fish.¡± ¡°You have more?¡± ¡°Trust me, unless you are just as autistic as him, you don¡¯t want to hear this.¡± ¡°Usually, people stop me after the 3rd tank of this size I go through. Sometimes I make it to my amphibians, and once I even started to get to the reptiles, but then they woke up.¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t think we¡¯ll have too much time unfortunately, because I think I remember this room.¡± As they entered, a handsome man with a slicked back head of hair dived in front of Jojo, sliding on his knees to land with a rose held up. ¡°My lady, the suns of a thousand stars pale in comparison to your beauty. I have seen men go to war over one but 7/8s as beautiful as you. I see now why songs are written, in an effort to approach your wonderous visage. Please, do me the honor of allowing me to bed you.¡± ¡°¡­ ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Are you hitting on me?¡± ¡°You are blinded by what society has told you you look like. Please, no need to be brave, I know that people must have told you you resemble a dog, elephant, perhaps a star-nosed mole, but I can see past it, to the beauty lying, deep, deep underneath the hard exterior.¡± I think I¡¯m being hit on. It¡¯s fine, I prepared for this. I need my handy dandy 5 category list to see if I¡¯m willing to pursue it. First, are they attractive? 5 stars there, can¡¯t deny facts. Second, do they like me? 4.5, anyone can say pretty words, but they were decently pretty. Third, are they a passably good person? 2.5, but it has a chance to go up or down. Fourth, can I date people right now? 3, I¡¯ll be stuck in this town for a while, but I can¡¯t bring them back to my place, I think they¡¯ll call CPS on my grandma for the loose needles. Finally, do I wanna? Ehhh, idk, we¡¯ll call it a 3 for now. Coming in for a final score of 3.6, it¡¯s decent, but I¡¯d like to see more for a real commitment. He''d been talking for a while now, and he kept moving the rose closer with every pause to breathe, launching into another monologue every time. I gotta turn him down gently and respectfully, make sure he knows it¡¯s nothing he did wrong. ¡°I¡¯m not gonna fuck you.¡± Could¡¯ve been better. The man paused mid-sentence, stuttering as he came to the realization that this was the second woman to ever turn him down. Just then from the back of the room, 2 raucous sets of laughter made themselves known, the makeup girl from the bus, and the guy that didn¡¯t stop screaming. ¡°Sh-shut up! Shut up you-¡± A speech bubble of expletives flew from his face, before meeting a sword that deflected it into the wall. ¡°You, you uh, that¡¯s cheating you-¡± Another speech bubble, and another deflection to the ceiling. ¡°What? Slut? Whore? You¡¯re getting uncreative Roger.¡± Even louder laughing now, like a hyena standing on a ledge above a bleeding gazelle, coarse and- ¡°Whoa whoa, there¡¯s no need for that kind of language, I¡¯m a chill guy.¡± He had stopped, a small two legged rabbit with a conspicuous zipper placed onto his back. ¡­I don¡¯t know guys, I¡¯ll try and keep his interaction to a minimum, but there¡¯s only so much I can do at the end of the day. At least everyone else will think he¡¯s crazy so they might not let him tag along. ¡°Oh, big man when there¡¯s nothing I can do to get back at you. Besides, I¡¯m not gonna let this opportunity pass me by.¡± He leaped up from his bed, real degenerate like, stepping right over to Jojo, ending with a kneel at her feet. ¡°Jocelyn Cujoh, I can tell that there is much that you will be able to accomplish in the days to come. That is why I humbly request, when the time comes, allow me to accompany you on your journey.¡± ¡°Oh, uh, I¡¯m not going to fuck you either.¡± ¡°Ha! A quick wit as well! Believe me, that is not my intention in the slightest. I simply wish to be a minor ally at best. I will even accept a cameo at the ending if I must. All I wish is a chance to see your journey come to fruition.¡± After he was done begging on his hands and knees to be someone¡¯s friend, he stepped back to his bed in the only shadowy corner of the room, resuming his screaming. Jojo scratched her head, wondering what was up with the freak that decided he wanted to cosplay a mental patient every 20 minutes. Y¡¯know what, if I do end up going on a hero¡¯s journey or what have you, I¡¯ll bring him along. Goddamnit. ¡°He¡¯s a bit of a character, but don¡¯t worry too much about it. My name is Carmen Tatiana, and I managed to pull the name Wes from him. The dude cowering at your feet is Roger, just Roger, says he doesn¡¯t need a last name. I¡¯m hoping your name is Jocelyn Cujoh?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah. You can just call me Jojo if you don¡¯t mind.¡± ¡°What are you gonna do if I do mind?¡± ¡°Uh, what do you mean?¡± ¡°Well, maybe I like the name Jocelyn. I feel like it suits you well.¡± ¡°I mean, go for it I guess.¡± ¡°Maybe I should come up with my own pet name though. I always feel like that makes people feel ¡­closer.¡± ¡°Uh, well I guess let me know if you come up with one.¡± Jojo said, leaning back and missing the wall. ¡°I feel like something animal themed might be nice. Maybe something like honey bear? Perhaps a worm themed something? I like the idea of a unique kind of thing, got any special connection with any Annelids?¡± ¡°Uhhh, I think that it¡¯s an underrated¡­ species?¡± ¡°Oh yeah? You think that the class that contains earthworms is an underrated species?¡± ¡°Oh, I thought you said¡­ um¡­¡± ¡°No please, name a species of worm.¡± ¡°¡­Inch.¡± Silence filled the room for a long moment, even that disgusting freak in the back of the room stopped his cacophony for a brief moment before resuming, seeming to strangle the room with his horrible cries. ¡°So, Jocie and company, what brings you to our humble room?¡± ¡°Oh right, I¡¯m Franky and that¡¯s Kenny. You guys don¡¯t have any long-standing grudges, do you?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I know any of you guys. Have you been going to the school over in Yale?¡± ¡°We were at Bagley before the roof collapsed, and then we were supposed to go for our first day today.¡± ¡°I just moved here from Atlantic City. And from Arkansas before that, and from Florida before that.¡± ¡°Wow Jocie, real world traveler on our hands. Is that why you came over here, just to visit and marvel at the spectacle?¡± Carmen hit a couple joke flexes, but there wasn¡¯t much there to flex with. ¡°Oh, you wanna go there?¡± Jojo pulled an arm out of her jacket, thick paracord muscles moving just under the skin, a testament to the genetic lottery. TPAB was also on her shoulder, holding up 2 tiny front legs in a facsimile of a flex. ¡°Aww, your little guy is so cute! I kinda wish I had something like that, a sword isn¡¯t really much of a partner if we¡¯re talking about posing.¡± She held the sword at her shoulder and tried to balance it while she was flexing. Jojo chuckled, ¡°Oh yeah, I was just trying to find my room again, I kind of ran out on my grandma.¡± ¡°Aw, your grandma? That¡¯s sweet, I like a family woman.¡± An awkward laugh from Jojo as Roger grumbled from his bed. ¡°We should go head on over there. Roger, Wes, you want to come along?¡± ¡°Sure, I need to regroup with my groupies anyway.¡± Wes thankfully continued screaming, saving us from him messing things up. Now another 2 strong, the group began searching around for Jojo¡¯s grandma, going through another 6 rooms, thankfully devoid of small talk, before coming back to room 191, where Nana Mildred sat, tapping a foot next to an unconscious man, who if his right eyelid were lifted, would have a socket devoid of eye. ¡°Heyy Nana, sorry about running off, I uh, just wanted to explore the hospital with some of my new friends. These were other people that were shot while on the same bus as me. We were all going around looking for people we knew. Sorry for¡­ um¡­ running off.¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you let your new friends go and then you can explain to me what exactly happened.¡± Everyone but Jojo wiggled on their feet for a couple seconds, then slowly started filing out, Carmen whispering in Jojo¡¯s ear, ¡°Good luck, you¡¯re probably gonna need it.¡± The door shut, Nana Mildred leaned forward, resting on her knees as she sighed. ¡°Why don¡¯t you explain to me exactly what happened, and make sure to include the parts about the floating fish and the caterpillar on your shoulder.¡± Jojo stiffened, then sat down on the bed near Nana Mildred and reluctantly explained what had happened since she awoke about an hour ago. Nana Mildred was silent throughout, except when Jojo tried to avoid mentioning the stand Eye, or The King, a sharp smack hitting her knee, just hard enough to hurt. ¡°And then, I wandered around and found your room.¡± Nana Mildred leaned forward, cupping her face in her hands, as tears began falling through her hands, soft sobs wracking her body, choking out a sentence, ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, I wanted to try and keep you and your mother safe, keep you away from all this, I tried to change your name, tried to protect you from your stupid father, I¡¯m so sorry¡­¡± ¡°Nana? What are you talking about, isn¡¯t Mom sick? Quarantined back in Florida? What does she have to do with this?¡± ¡°I told her not to marry that bastard, I knew he was trouble, as sure as I am that he got my grandfather killed, should¡¯ve never let him anywhere near her¡­¡± ¡°Nana, slow down, I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re saying.¡± Jojo held her Nana¡¯s shoulder, as her grandmother grabbed it back, her face covered in tears. ¡°Please Jojo, promise me you¡¯ll give up on this stupid bullet thing, I can¡¯t lose another member of my family to some stupid plot by whatever vampire is trying to conquer the world.¡± Jojo leaned back a little, ¡°Nana, I don¡¯t-¡± Nana Mildred gripped her arm harder and pulled her back in, ¡°PROMISE ME JOJO! PROMISE ME RIGHT NOW THAT YOU WILL NOT TRY TO INVESTIGATE THIS BULLSHIT AND DIE!¡± ¡°Alright, alright, I promise I won¡¯t investigate this. Just tell me-¡± ¡°No! No, I¡¯m going to deal with this all on my own! Just¡­ sigh, just stay here, and I¡¯ll come back for you eventually, okay? Hand me the bullet too, I don¡¯t need anyone trying to kill you again.¡± Jojo reluctantly handed the golden bullet to her, and Nana Mildred stood up and moved to the door. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for yelling, I just¡­ I need you to trust me.¡± ¡°Y-yeah, alright. Are you sure you won¡¯t answer any question I have?¡± ¡°Maybe once this is all sorted out, but for now just hang out here, I should be back soon.¡± She opened the door, slowly walking into the hall and out of sight. Jojo sat, thinking about what she could be talking about. It reminded her of what her father had said, right before she had to leave for her grandmothers because of her mom being sick¡­ A knock sounded on the door, knocking Jojo out of her thoughts as a doctor opened the door. ¡°Hello, just wanted to check in on you, the bandages working out?¡± He stepped in a little farther, noticing the man laying on the floor with cuts on his face. ¡°Oh my god, is he okay? What happened?¡± ¡°Oh, I, I don¡¯t know, I just came back from getting my jacket and he was laying on the floor, I was about to call somebody.¡± Fuck fuck fuck, I¡¯m so cooked. ¡°Geez louize, this isn¡¯t good. Do you know how long he¡¯s been unconscious for?¡± ¡°Uh, no, not really. I just got back.¡± He leaned in close and pulled out a stethoscope as he began examining the unconscious man.