《Behind the endless maw》


 Chapter 1. Revelation

    I woke up by a sudden jolt, like waking from a nightmare without remembering what the nightmare was about. Instead of sitting upright in my own bed as expected, I had no idea where I was. Everything around me was pitch dark, and I couldn''t draw a single breath or move at all.


    Feeling the panic sinking in, I tried my best to flail around in any way, and to my comfort I could somehow feel and move my limbs in a very limited way. At least I wasn''t stuck in some bodiless consciousness, trapped in some weird void limbo. The words, I think therefore I am echoed through my head. I did a mental snort, and thought, Who would think philosophy classes would end up giving comfort.


    I tried to recall my last memories, but the last couple of weeks felt rather distant and in a thick haze. I clearly remembered who I was, my family, friends and most other essential things, but for the life of me I couldn''t remember yesterday, or the day before that.


    Did I perhaps get into an accident? I am perhaps lying in a coma at the hospital ?, or maybe some drug induced state while lying on an operating table?


    Okay Alexsander, you can figure this out, I thought to myself, while trying to move around in the dark space, I found myself surrounded by walls on all sides, submerged in some sort of warm liquid. I tried to call for help, but I couldn''t speak up. The entire thing felt a bit like being stuck in a sensory deprivation tank, both terrifying and oddly comfortable at the same time.


    After struggling to find a door, window, or anything remotely familiar I started to be annoyed. Where the hell am I ? Did I maybe get into an accident ? And I''m now blind, deaf, physically weak and stuck in some kind of recovery tank ? sounds far-fetched, but it is the most likely thing I can think of.


    I tried to think back to my most recent memories, But my thoughts were interrupted by a sudden roar that vibrated all around me. It was something I felt, more than I actually heard it, and with it, the walls came to life, shifting and vibrating around me.


    As the walls started to push against me, I wanted to scream out in horror before the walls squished me like an oversized bug. But instead of the pain of having my bones shattered, there was only mild discomfort as the walls only pushed me firmly downwards, A direction previously closed firmly off.


    The lingering fear of being crushed like an oversized bug remained, with short bursts of force the walls slowly kept pushing me in the same direction.


    After what felt like several hours, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Relieved to confirm that I wasn''t blind, I embraced myself to see what could possibly be on the other side.


    The first thing that met me when I was released from my strange prison, was a blinding light and the feeling of being dropped in an ice filled bath, even if I landed on a soft surface. Then my lungs started to take in air and my body started to cry out by itself.


    I was lying on some sort of soft surface, in the blinding light while I kept crying uncontrollably, not knowing why I had even started crying. Everything felt completely alien to me, and it was like my senses didn''t work, and all my limbs felt uncoordinated.


    Out of nowhere a pair of huge hands held around my entire body, followed by soft shushing sound. I blinked several times, trying my best to regain my vision. Finally after an undefined time later I could finally see shapes, and the first thing I could see was a pair of huge breasts right in front of me.


    Normally the sight of breasts would be a delight, but today it was just one more weird thing to experience.


    I managed to halt my own crying, partly because of the soft calming voice that gently hushed me. As soon as I stopped crying I was pushed towards the breasts. As soon as my face hit the nipple, some primal instinct in me started sucking, and a sweet tasting milk started flowing into my mouth. I would never have expected that I would ever be breastfeed again, but something about the experience was oddly comforting, and before long I had drifted off to sleep.Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    I regained consciousness some undefined time later, and found myself lying covered and surrounded by furs. I tried to move, but quickly realized that my limbs didn''t have strength for anything useful, but I could move my head a little, so I took in my surroundings as best I could and it looked like I was inside of some large tent of some sort.


    This is bizarre, I don''t want to believe this, but it seems like I just experienced being born, and fell asleep while breastfeeding. This must either be one hell of a nightmare, or the more unlikely scenario, I actually died and was reborn. I don''t want a new life, I am quite happy with the life I already had, I have a great family, plenty of friends, I''m still only 22 and just about to finish my bachelor degree. Weren''t we going to have that study trip to Rome in a few days? Wait, that sounds familiar.


    I thought back on my last clear memories, I could remember sitting in class, discussing how to prepare for our trip, things we had to pack, things recommended to bring and so on.


    I kept going and thought about getting home, eating dinner with my family, packing my suitcase and so on.


    Good, I think I''m getting somewhere. If I keep pushing this way, I might just get somewhere.


    I kept up the focus, and clearly remembered getting everything ready for the trip, going to bed, and getting up again by my alarm. I had a quick breakfast with mum before she drove me off to the airport. I gave her a brief hug before I went in to meet my classmates.


    The entire class was in high spirits, talking among themselves. I found my little group among Daniel and Richard to talk about some random shit while waiting for us to board our flight.


    Things started to get foggy from this point on, but I kept digging through my memories, until I remembered a scene where Daniel was sitting next to me on the plane and was trying to show me something on his phone when the entire plane shook violently. He dropped his phone to the floor and light started flickering. The passengers started screaming while the plane kept shaking and objects were flying freely. Then the captain spoke through the speakers, and told everyone to get into crash landing positions and shortly after there wasn''t anymore to remember.


    Oh crap. Did we all die there ? This can''t be happening, I had too much I wanted to do, still things I wanted to say to my parents and other friends, and now I''m supposed to be stuck inside a toddler. No, This might still just be a really realistic nightmare, I just have to have hope.


    If reincarnation is what usually happens after death, why do I still have my memories ? it''s not like I remember the life I had before. So this doesn''t make sense at all. So I can''t just assume that I''m right in the entire reincarnation theory. This might just be a really realistic nightmare. That seems more likely.


    As I lay there, deep in thought of what might have happened, My stomach rumbled and I felt hunger through my body.


    These speculations aren''t getting me anywhere, maybe I should just start crying loudly, either some nightmarish monster will come and haunt me or this baby¡¯s mother will come to feed her child, Either way I will gain some information, even if the thought of doing that is embarrassing.


    I ignored my own embarrassment, and howled out as loudly as I could. And as advertised a feminine shape was suddenly looming over me. I ceased my wailing, blinked and looked up at the woman who might be my new mother.


    A pair of crimson eyes with a piercing gaze was looking down at me, startling me for a brief moment. There was something not quite right with those eyes, but as I tried to study them further, the woman reached her hands down, lifted me up and held me up in a reverse Simba pose.


    Being only a arms reach and looking downwards gave me a much better view of the woman,


    But with one look at her, I felt like crying out in fear of what kind of creature was in front of me.


    Her eyes were far from gentle human eyes, they were much larger then what any human would have, with a faint glow and vertical pupils.


    Taking my gaze away from those inhuman eyes I quickly noticed other anomalies in the woman''s features. She had long snow white hair and displayed a pair of long triangle shaped ears on top of her head, Beneath her smile i could clearly see long fangs that would fit into any vampire movie


    Oh gawd. This bitch is some sort of feral humanoid monster, Shocked and afraid I did the only thing I was capable of doing. Crying and screaming loudly.


    But instead of hurting me, or doing any of the things she looked capable of doing, she brought me in for a hug while murmuring unknown words in a gentle tone into my ear until I eased up my wailing. The beast woman then takes off the fur robe I hadn''t even noticed until now and then pushes me into her large bare breasts for the second time.


    With her nipple almost already in my mouth, An inner instinct suddenly kicked in and I automatically startled to suckle the breast for nutrition. Ashamed over everything I had to endure since I woke up in this woman''s womb, I could still take comfort in the fact that no one I knew would witness this shameful state I found myself in.

 Chapter 2. What am I ?

    I woke up in the same pile of furs I found myself in earlier. Not remembering how I ended up there again.  It doesn''t look like I''m gonna wake up from this nightmare, instead of waking up in my own bed or even a hospital bed I find myself back here. Does that mean I actually was reincarnated ? It is clearly a better alternative than burning eternally in hell.


    But I had so much I still wanted to do in my life, or my past life. I don''t even remember dying. Not really, all I can remember is blinking lights inside the airplane, and the message from the captain, If that is actually what happened, the memories seem so distant and hazy.


    Even if I just accept that I was reincarnated, where is this ? I have never heard about real creatures like that beast woman except for in fantasy stories. Things like that simply do not exist, at least they don''t exist on earth. Wait .doesn''t that mean in another world ? And if that beast woman is my mother, shouldn''t I be the same species ? oh shit. Why didn''t I think of that earlier, I might not even be human anymore ? that is seriously messed up


    With a lump deep in my stomach, I started to move my arms, uncoordinated as they were. I moved my new hand up to feel my new face, but as soon as my fingers touched I felt something sharp poke my chin. Startled, I brought up my hand in front of me. What I was looking at didn''t resemble a normal human hand at all. Instead of the little chubby baby hand I expected, it was a chubby paw looking appendage covered in white fur.


    In complete shock, I turned the weird looking appendage, not quite believing my own eyesight


    The more I studied my hand, the more I realized it was more like a paw than anything else. I had shorter fingers than I would expect, a little sharp looking claw at the end of each finger, paw pads in the inside of my hand, or inside my paw would be more fitting. Luckily it seemed like I had something resembling a thumb for gripping.


    I continued to touch myself around the face, carefully to not hurt myself on those sharp claws, and to my horror, I was missing ears where they were supposed to be, and instead I had triangle shaped ears at the top of my head, just like the beast woman from earlier had.


    Angry at the universe, God or whatever kind of force putting me in this situation. I felt like screaming out in anger, stomping my feet hard on the ground, and scream out in frustration, just for the sake of screaming. And as the baby I am, the only thing I''m actually capable of doing is to scream.


    I''m not human anymore, I don''t know exactly what I am, but I take it I''m the same kind of beast creature as I saw earlier, and that has to be my mother. Oh crap, this can''t be happening. I''m not sure what I am, but I''m not human anymore.


    The thought of being a monster, losing my own humanity sent panic through my little body and made me start breathing faster until I was hyperventilating uncontrollably.


    As I lay there in the pile of furs struggling to breathe properly, I was suddenly lifted up and put on a shoulder.


    I felt myself being rocked up and down gently while someone was gently stroking my back until my breathing slowly resumed its normal pace.


    Feeling calmer, I lied on the shoulder and enjoyed being stroked on my back until I was held up by my savior. And my savior was no other than the monster that was most likely my mother.


    Her crimson red eyes looked at me with affection, and she started to speak to me in a low gentle tone, with words I had never heard before. I tried to smile back at her, not sure if smiling was a thing these creatures did.


    She then sat down in her own pile of furs and started to cuddle me, scratching me all over, rubbing my ears and just making me feel better. I might have been reborn as some weird creature but I can''t deny that there might be some pleasures I could experience, even if I had turned into some kind of beast creature.


    We spent what felt like several hours like that, with me nodding off occasionally in her embrace,You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    She might look like a monster, but it''s clear that she cares for me. A mother''s love is unrivaled, even for these beings.


    I don''t actually want to admit it, but it''s hard to deny that I''m a baby again, a completely helpless baby. I can''t move much, can''t speak or do anything by myself. I can only scream to get attention. Life as a baby would be simpler if I didn''t have all my old memories, that way I wouldn''t be embarrassed or feel shame from simple things like feeding or not being able to go to the bathroom.


    As soon as I had the thought, I felt the urge to pee, Embarrassing as it is, isn''t it better to just do it ? I don''t think she dressed me, or gave me a diaper of any kind, so she would see the wet spot right away. If she put me back in my own pile I might end up lying in it for hours.


    I tried to make a few different sounds, but forming words was above me at this moment. The only thing I achieved by making muffled baby sounds was more patting from mother.


    Annoyed for not being able to communicate properly, I decided to just go here and now, I''m already embarrassed over my whole situation. It''s not like wetting myself as a baby would make me feel much more ashamed than what I''m already feeling.


    It barely took my mother two seconds before she noticed what I was doing. She immediately got up, holding me at maximum range and held me out of range of our furs.


    The way the warm liquid trickled down my legs made it quickly clear that I didn''t have any diapers on. I thought I would feel ashamed over my actions, but seeing the expression of panic the fierce beast woman made as she ran around in the tent while holding me out of splash range was priceless.


    I couldn''t help but laugh mentally. Later that day she equipped me with a makeshift diaper made out of cloth and skins to prevent any future accidents, something I had conflicting feelings about, it wasn''t actually comfortable wearing, but again I could just go whenever nature calls. Damn I miss being mobile enough to do such simple things by myself.


    The days passed quickly, I can''t say for sure how much time passed, since life as a baby is incredibly dull, since I can''t do much other than crawl around, feed and sleep. I can''t deny that I''m a baby, or that I''m no longer human anymore. But I''m slowly coming to terms with my situation, not like I have much of a choice, I am more or less trapped in this feeble little body after all.


    So far I have made some progress, I don''t find my mother''s feral features that scary anymore, I found out that she also has six long and fluffy tails, while I only have one. It sure came as a shock when my mother suddenly held up a white fluffy thing for me to grab, and as soon as I tugged the thing I felt something pull from my backside.


    I can''t quite say what race we are yet, but I suspect there might be some connection to foxes, maybe even some type of kitsune, that would explain the multiple tails. I have seen a few other people, or rather beast people come into our tent, and they are all clearly the same race as us, everyone has the same white fur and crimson red eyes. The only distinctive difference is the number of tails they have. No one I have seen had as many tails as mother. Everyone so far did have a fairly respectful body language towards her and a few even bowed to her, so the numbers of tails might represent a person''s age or status.


    I''m not sure what development level these beings are at, But after examining the tent we were living in from the inside, and how the diapers were made out of raggy cloth and skins I suspect that most tailoring is done by hand.


    So far I have not been provided any baby toys, teddy bears or any objects you would usually give a toddler back home. The only thing I¡¯ve gotten so far was a large bone, it was about the size of my forearm, and mother had put it in my mouth, expecting me to chew on it. So with all the clues so far I feared the development here was rather low.


    I''m also slowly picking up some words, but I can''t follow any conversations yet, But I expect that will come naturally with time.


    As I was relaxing in my usual sleeping spot, deep in thoughts about everything and nothing, my mother was suddenly looming over me with a huge grin on her face. Instead of giving me cuddles, playing with me, or to check if I needed feeding, she picked me up and started wrapping thick furs around, and headed for the tent opening.


    I was excited to finally be able to see the outside of the tent I had been stuck in for my entire short life.


    Finally on the outside I was met with an amazing view of the starlit night sky, It was like nothing I had ever seen. There were bright stars everywhere, looking more like something you would see on Nasa¡¯s website then something you actually see for yourself. I tried to find any constellations I could recognize, but it was like I was looking at a completely different night sky.


    Taking a break from viewing the gorgeous night sky, I tried to absorb as much information on my surroundings as possible. It must have been mid winter, since the snow was thick on the ground, reaching my mother up to her knees, besides that there were not many clues on where we could be, there were no buildings, or anything in sight except for forest.


    Mother held me tightly as the shivering wind was howling past us, making me glad I was so firmly wrapped. We were walking like this for several minutes, until we arrived in a much larger tent than what we were living in. It was a rather large structure, resembling a native American longhouse in the shape.

 Chapter 3. A heartfelt meal

    Inside the longhouse there were two long wooden tables with benches on each side of the room, filled with feral looking beast people,


    At the end of the room the tent expanded in a dome shape, and in the middle of the circular tent dome there was a sinister looking dark stone slab laying on top of a smaller table, in perfect view from the crowd sitting at the tables.


    When mother carried me past the long tables, everyone cheered us on with words I couldn''t comprehend, the only word repeated I had heard several times was Luna, which I had theorized was my mothers name from hearing it several times over the past couple of days..


    When we arrived at the table with the stone slab, I noticed the stone was carved with a circle, and symbols on both sides of the circle. Mother took her place behind the makeshift altar, and held me up towards the crowd and started speaking loudly. I tried to grasp any meaning of what she was saying, but only got an odd word here and there.


    When her speech ended the crowd cheered her on, and she sat me on the altar, in the middle of the carved circle and gave me a smile, letting her fangs show. Something that would look terrifying to any humans, but I had gotten used to most of my mothers facial expressions by now.


    Her smile was interrupted by some sort of commotion elsewhere in the room, and I turned my head to see. To my surprise I saw two beast men escorting a naked figure into the tent from a side entrance. As they came closer I could see the figure more clearly, I could see that it was a man, even if he didn''t have a masculine build. He was also bound by thick leather ropes, around his neck and wrists, clearly a prisoner or slave.


    When he saw the assembly inside, he immediately panicked, and shouted out loudly while struggling against his restaurants. The beast men holding his ropes quickly got control and forcefully pulled him by the ropes until they reached the altar, then bowed in respect to Mother, while holding a tight grip on the leather ropes.


    With the prisoner so close I could clearly see all his features. The man was severely beaten, displaying large bruises and cuts all over his body, it was shocking to see such a beaten man still standing. At first I thought he might be human, but he had an inhuman elegance to his slim figure, he also had large pointy ears like the elves have in Tolkien¡¯s stories.


    I would normally dismiss such a notion that there could exist such things as elves, but I''m sitting here as a fur covered monster baby, so my ideas of what is possible needs to expand drastically.


    Mother went up to the elf, and licked herself around the mouth with a predatory grin while stroking her fingers gently down the man¡¯s chin. This made the man furious and he spoke loudly in an angry tone, but everyone ignored or didn''t understand what he said. Then mother commanded something, and the two beast men holding the elf cut his ropes with their claws while holding his arms so he couldn''t move.


    They made the poor elf stand directly in front of the altar I sat on, and we stared into each other''s eyes. The elf¡¯s green eyes were glaring at me with hate and a hint of fear. Feeling sorry for the man I tried to give him my best genuine smile, but it did not help the look of terror in the poor elf''s eyes


    As I sat there forcing myself to smile to the elf, my mother had moved behind the man and held her paw to his throat. A second later an inhuman sound of pain came from the elf, and a thick red spray shot towards me. In shock I just watched the two Beast men holding up the dying elf while he bled out over me.This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    I tried to comprehend what just happened, I had never seen anyone die in front of me before, and this was nothing but a horrible and brutal death. I was soaked through with blood, while sitting in a pool of blood the altar had gathered.


    I was speechless, not like I could speak anyway, but what can you even say after you witness a murder just before receiving a blood shower.  What kind of tribe did I get born into ?


    Mother looked at me full of pride before she tore open the elf''s chest with her claws and reached for something inside the now dead elf. Moments later she pulled out her blood covered paw while holding his heart.


    She turned towards the crowd while holding the heart up and chanted loudly, the crowd cheered her on before she turned to me again, she put two fingers into my mouth and held it open while squeezing the heart just over my mouth. With no possibility to resist, I felt the warm blood trickle down my throat, the idea of swallowing blood was repulsive, and a part of me wanted to spit it out, while another part of me loved the taste of the thick metallic fluid. Surprised over how I could actually enjoy the taste of such a disgusting substance, I didn''t notice my mother moving her paw with the heart in it until she started pushing the heart into my open mouth. She then closed my mouth over the heart, making me bite through it.


    Horrified and disgusted over the idea of having my mouth filled with blood and a sizable chunk of a heart, I wanted nothing more than to spit it all out and vomit.


    But mother''s paw held firmly over my mouth while murmuring softly to me.


    My only option left was to start eating, so I started chewing. As I swallowed the first bite I felt power rush through me, then something deep inside of me awoke and demanded more.


    The more I tasted the blood and heart, the more I started to actually enjoy the taste. It was intoxicating, empowering and the disgust I had been feeling quickly turned to enjoyment.


    Without thinking about it, I had opened my mouth for more, and the look of pride on Mother¡¯s face was unmistakable.


    She put the heart up to my mouth again, and I took another bite, this time the taste was pure bliss, better than any premium steak from the best steak house you could imagine. She kept feeding me until the entire heart was gone, and with the task complete, the realization of what I''ve done hit me. I had actually eaten a raw heart and loved it.


    All my emotion was in turmoil, I had just seen a man murdered, bathed in his blood and been force fed his entire heart. I felt horror of what I had seen, disgust over what I had to do. And strangely enough, enjoyment and delight over the taste of it all. What will become of me ? Will I turn into a bloodthirsty monster ? I just ate an elf¡¯s heart, and liked the taste. It isn''t quite human, so technically it wasn''t cannibalism. Or even if it was human, since I''m not human anymore it wouldn''t actually be cannibalism. Telling myself that doesn''t help much, it still feels like I had taken part in a cannibalistic act.


    With the task complete, mother started scratching me between the ears before lifting me up from the blood pit of an altar, and held me up towards the cheering crowd while speaking loudly. I tried my best following what she said, but this language was still completely foreign to me, but when she reached the end I recognized four words that sent chills down my spine. Lunaria, daughter of Luna and the crowd cheered and howled in delight while chanting. Lunaria, Lunaria, Lunaria.


    Wait what ? Is my name supposed to be Lunaria ?


    But, But, isn''t that supposed to be a girl''s name ? oh shit, This is bad, like things aren''t bad enough as they are. What did I do wrong in my previous life to deserve such a fate?


    My thoughts were interrupted by the beastfolk rushing towards the corpse lying in front of us and savagely started to rip the corpse apart while eating him raw. The sound of ripping flesh, breaking of bones and chewing sent chills down my spine.This brutal sight would give anyone back home nightmares for life.

 Chapter 4. Lessons with Mother.

    A few days after that terrifying experience, As I lay in my pile of furs beside Mother, she gave off a completely different impression than the ice cold murderer I saw the other day. Now she was scratching and rubbing my belly while saying unfamiliar words in an endearing tone. I couldn''t help making giggling sounds and laughing, Not because I found it funny, but rather because I was ticklish and the joy in her face as I giggled was unmistakable. The pride of a mother was unmistakable, some things must transcend species everywhere.


    The thought that the woman that is making baby noises towards me is the same woman that mercilessly cut someone''s throat and could rip the heart out of a man and just go on with her day, like nothing had happened. There are clearly some extreme cultural differences here. I know that we are talking of a different species here, but as a sentient humanoid species that verbally communicate between each other should have some reservation about murdering and eating other sentient species.


    It had only been a few days, but I couldn''t get the face of the dead elf out of my head. How his eyes lost their light, as we were staring into each other''s eyes. The memory of that night has haunted me ever since. It didn''t help how everyone had swarmed his corpse to eat him afterwards, and the sound of his body being torn to pieces is still fresh in my mind.


    I do feel guilty about the entire thing. I know I didn''t kill him or wanted him dead, but it was clear that they killed him for some sort of repulsive naming ritual they held for me. And just to make matters worse, I had to fucking like the taste of his heart. How messed up is that ?


    The mere thought of tasting blood and raw heart should disgust me, but the reality of it is that I actually enjoyed the taste. And when I think of it, instead of being disgusted, my mouth waters. Does that mean that I will grow up to be some cold hearted killer that goes around murdering and eating people ?  I''m only a baby, and I already fear what I will grow up to become.


    I hope I can contain my own personality through all this. If I stay true to myself it shouldn''t matter too much what kind of body I have. I might not be thrilled about being born a beast person, but that part could have been worse, I could have been born as a fish or an insect.


    Being born as a completely unknown race wasn''t ideal, But being born female sure sucked. There are a whole lot of things I really don''t wanna deal with there, I know there is a 50% chance either way, But I definitely feel like a guy still, At the very least I am one in my head.


    I have no idea how things work here. What if arranged marriages are a thing here ?


    Will they hand me over to some old nasty guy that just wants to use me for his own dirty needs ? No matter what, I will never accept that, I would rather die fighting than let some guy climb on top of me.


    The intensity of Mother¡¯s caresses intensified, snapping me out of my depressing thoughts. She clearly noticed that something wasn''t quite right.


    Not wanting to be more suspicious than necessary, I went back to giggling, feeling like an idiot for acting my part as an infant.


    Mother seemed intent on spending time with me today, So she moved one of her tails and held it just above me. Acting my part, I swiped after it with my paw, and Mother pulled it quickly upwards so I barely missed it. She kept this play session going, adding more of her tails, making the game feel like an air version of whack a mole, Whack a tail seems more fitting.


    Occasionally she let me swipe my claw on her tail, Thrilled to see me hunt her tails.


    Wanting to give Mother a good impression, I started to hold off swipes, in the hope that she would be more daring, and lower her tails a bit more.


    It didn''t take long until she took my bait, and I lunged upwards with both paws, and as soon as I  got my paws on it I put it in my mouth and bit down on it to keep it in place.


    Mother let out a low yelp, more out of surprise than actual pain. As I held onto Mothers tail with my teeth and both paws, she lifted her tail with me still hanging on. I might not weigh much in this small new body, but it took quite an effort to hold on.


    As I struggled Mother just started chuckling and waved her tail to shake me off, and her smile widened the longer I managed to hold on. It was a struggle to keep hold of the tail and my grip slipped bit by bit until I eventually fell down. She said a few words I guessed was approval of some kind, and she repeated her actions until I was so exhausted that I couldn''t play her game any longer and lied down to sleep and rest.


    We kept doing the whack a tail game for almost everyday, and I felt myself getting stronger at an alarming rate. I could somewhat stand up on my wobbling legs and even do a miniature jump, my jaw also was stronger, being able to hold on to Mother¡¯s tail for much longer.


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Life as a baby is incredibly dull. As I grow I spend less and less time sleeping, but being awake isn''t that exciting when you are confined to crawl around in a tent or play baby games with Mother. On a positive note, I''m starting to recognize more and more words of the strange language they use. I have tried to repeat some words so far but it always ends in failure. Using my tongue and mouth feels different then what I remember, so I guess I need some practice before the right sounds come out as I want them too.


    One day when mother entered our tent while hiding something in her paw, I sat on the dirt floor, curious. Instead of walking away from me to hide whatever she had hidden, she slowly sat down beside me, Rubbed me affectionately around my ears before holding her paw out to me. In her paw she had a living small animal of sorts. At first I thought it was a massive rat, but with further inspection this animal had a bigger head, and a lot longer legs than any rat would have. It also had two large incisors in its upper and lower jaw, and with those long legs it could most likely both climb and sprint.


    Fascinated over the animal I had never seen before, I noticed how Mother was holding it. Her thumb and index finger made a circle around its neck, and her ring finger held the creature''s hind legs backwards. The thing was completely helpless in her grasp.


    She held the thing out to me, for me to touch it and I complied. After touching it a few times she put it down on the ground, and placed my paw on top of it and made sure I applied pressure downward to keep it in place.


    While holding it down I heard Mother say the word I thought meant Kill. Confused, I looked up at Mother, not sure if I understood the word right. As I looked up at Mother, I felt a sudden sharp pain from my paw. Out of habit I screamed out, Ouch, Fucking holy damn shit !


    I have no idea how I managed to use those words in practice, Or how she heard them. I was too absorbed in holding my hurt paw. As I realized what I had done, I started crying as a baby would. I had to keep up my baby act after all.


    As I cried Mother embraced me and started licking my paw, gradually I ceased my crying act, made easier since it actually still hurt like hell. I got another ear rub before Mother showed me the rat-like thing that she had recaptured without me realizing.


    Seeing the thing again flooded me with anger, and I wanted nothing more than to stomp on the damn thing. Instead of stomping on it, mother took its front leg between her fingers and crushed it.


    The animal let out a screech of agony and I paled from the horror filled sound. Mother kept it up, and crushed the remaining three legs. I might be a bit angry at the little critter, but this was taking it too far for my liking. I wanted to call out that she hurt it, that it was animal cruelty, morally wrong and so on but I don''t think morals and laws from my old world would take hold here, either way I didn''t have the vocabulary to even try to say anything close to what I wanted to say.


    Mother proceeded and put the broken animal in front of me again. As I looked at it, I saw its legs


    were bent in the wrong direction and the bone had punctured its skin several places.


    It lay there helpless and wailing in agony. I pitied the poor thing, even if it had bitten me.


    I couldn''t get why Mother would do such a cruel thing towards a little innocent animal.


    Kill. I heard Mother say in a firm tone this time. I had not heard her wrong after all.


    Oh shit. Did she actually maim that animal, only because she wanted me to kill it ? So I''m the reason it is suffering so much ?


    I don''t want to kill it, I don''t want to kill living beings at all. Sure I have killed my fair share of flies and other bugs, but this is different. It is much bigger, and it even bleeds.


    Kill. Mother''s voice was almost vibrating the entire tent, making it feel like a direct order.


    It felt so wrong, but at this stage it would be more humane to kill it quickly, the longer I take the longer it would suffer.


    I gathered my courage, and pointed my sharp claw down on its head, and it screamed even louder. I tried to push my claw down its skull, hoping to pierce the brain to kill it instantly, but I didn''t have the strength to puncture the thick skull.


    Then Mother took my paw away, and pushed my face down to it, while putting a finger into my mouth and forced my jaw open. She directed my mouth over the animal head and said kill again.


    Nearly in tears from the horror, wishing myself to be anywhere other than here, I mustered up my resolve. Not seeing I had any choice in this matter, I bit down on its neck as hard as I could, and the animal screeched out for the last time as I felt the neck separate from its body.


    I felt disgust over having blood and a rodent head in my mouth, and as I was about to spit it all out I halted. The metallic taste of the blood actually tasted great, without really thinking I bit down on the head with a crunch, and my mouth was flooded with a rich and heavy flavour.


    Involuntary I moaned in ecstasy, instantly craving more.


    Mother rubbed me between my ears and whispered words of encouragement as I chewed, I couldn''t keep myself from wanting more, the desire to consume awoke and I needed more.


    Mother held the headless corpse of the critter in front of me, and I instantly shove the entire carcass into my mouth. Its bones shattering between my teeth and pure deliciousness spread inside my mouth. Before I knew it I had eaten the entire thing, without even bothering to spit out the bones.


    I don''t like where this is going. If all animals taste half as good as this rodent, I might want to kill any animal I come over, just from the desire to eat them. If these feelings keep up, I won''t only look like a monster, I will become one.

 Chapter 5. Communal breakfast

    I was pulled out of my deep slumber by someone gently shaking me.


    What? I managed to groggily grumble as I woke up.


    The familiar voice of Mother said. Lunaria, it¡¯s time to get up, how long are you gonna lie there, lazing around ?


    I grunted, annoyed over having my sleep interrupted. I even had this amazing dream of being back home and enjoying popcorn at the cinema.


    I let out a deep yawn before storing the memories of my dream in the back of my mind, since that''s not something I could share with anyone around here.


    I removed the warm fur quilt from my body, got up from my sleeping spot and drowsily found my leather pants and linen shirt and dressed hurriedly so Mother wouldn''t complain too much about me being slow.


    I''m now about 4 years old, or 4 winters old as Mother would say. Physically I''m closer to what you would expect from a 9 year old, I don''t know if the year here has more or less days then what a year back on Earth has. It''s not like we have calendars, and I haven''t tried counting the days, I spent most of my two first years here sleeping several times a day after all.


    I suspect that Celestial snow foxes just grow faster then what humans do.


    I did pick up a lot of information the last few years. The language came naturally after a while, I still make grammatical errors and I pronounce certain words wrong like a child, which I am.


    I also found out that I belong to what the adults call the Celestial snow fox race. I have never heard anyone mention anything about kitsune¡¯s but everything I have learned so far indicates that we would be labeled as kitsune back home. A much more bloodthirsty and brutal versions of the kitsune¡¯s I''ve heard stories about


    To my surprise the adults claim that we don''t die of old age, that we only get stronger the older we get, and they say my mother, who also is the matriarch of our tribe, is over 800 winters old and a respected six tails.


    The idea of anyone living for that long seems unreal, but again everything I''ve experienced over the last 4 years doesn''t seem real either.


    Our village isn''t that big either, we only have 23 members in our little tribe, and besides me there is only one more pup, which is Arissa.


    She is 2 winters older than me, and is my only friend in this place. I could complain and say that she is a little childish, but I don''t think I could expect otherwise.


    There isn''t much to do here for entertainment, and the only thing our tribe have a passion for is hunting and eating, and if the adults are not doing those things they mainly complain about being hungry. They don''t eat anything but raw meat either. I thought I would struggle with only eating raw meat, but I have taken a liking to it, I think that might be a racial thing.


    When I asked Mother about eating other things than meat, she just looked at me like I was a complete idiot before laughing and telling me to put those silly ideas away. Apparently I ask about silly stuff all the time, and she wonders where I get all these strange ideas from.


    I wish I could tell her about my earlier life, but I don''t think she would believe me, and just dismiss it as imaginative dreams. I don''t think the concept of modern ideology and technology would go over well with such primitive beings.


    Of the many things I have asked about, I have asked about humans, which surprised my mother, and she wondered where I had heard about those. I had dismissed it as something I heard the adults mention in passing.


    As she started telling me about humans, she warned me that they could be dangerous in larger groups, and we hadn''t seen any humans in our territory for many, many winters. And apparently they kept away from the northern territories.


    I was overjoyed that there actually were humans in this world, and hoped I could meet any of my former kind in the future. The prospect gave me hope, and I wondered how technologically advanced they might be in this world. Celestial snow foxes had no interest at all in advancing their development level. And the most advanced thing we did was tailoring, tanning hides and making leather. Everyone seems satisfied with living in such primitive conditions. I tried to suggest the idea of having an open hole in the center of our tents so we could have a fire inside, to provide both heat and lumination. But as usual it was just one of my silly ideas, since we don''t freeze easily, most go around barely clothed or not wearing anything except their natural fur, even during the harshest winters.


    I had already formed ideas on how I wanted to make my own tent when I was old enough to move out. I would definitely improvise to have the most modern primitive tent in the village, maybe if the others saw how useful some of my ideas could be, they wouldn''t dismiss all my so-called silly ideas anymore.


    But for that to happen I would need to grow my second tail first, only then would I be counted as one of the adults.


    According to Mother, that would happen somewhere between the age of 14 to 18, depending on how well fed I am.


    Completely lost in my own thoughts, I heard my mother yell. Lunaria ! what''s taking you so damn long. And in an instant I was back in the present, and ran out of our tent so I wouldn''t annoy her anymore than what I already had.


    I was eager to get going too, since today it was communal breakfast after all, it was difficult to not be eager on such days.


    Outside she was waiting for me, looking annoyed, I bowed in respect and gave my apologies before we walked together towards the longhouse, like we did most days. It was early spring now, and the trail we walked was filled with mud. I felt my paws sink into the mud for every step I took,and my short legs didn''t make trudging through the mud any easier. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    On arrival at the longhouse, where every gathering took place I had mud stuck up to my knees, inside and outside my simple pants. getting all the dirt off both my pants and fur would be a struggle for later. If I tried to clean off now, Mother would surely yell at me again, since no one cared much about being a little dirty.


    As we entered, the entire tribe was seated by the two tables on each side of the hall. At the sight of Mother, they all stood up and bowed in unison as she walked past them. She found her rightful seat up front at the matriarch¡¯s table, the exact spot where the naming ritual had taken place. It might only be a few years ago, but it felt like ages ago now, I had gotten used to the brutality of life here, even if the stare of the green eyes of that elf still haunted some of my nightmares.


    As a pup I wasn''t allowed to have a seat at any of the tables, instead my place was to sit on the dirt floor beside mother to either catch scraps falling from the table, or wait until she fed me.


    After Mother had found her seat and pointed with her paw at the side entrance as a command. Five members of the tribe got up and hurried off to bring in the breakfast. They quickly returned with several flayed carcasses for us to eat. I noticed the first man brought something that could resemble a wolf, just larger, maybe more akin to a direwolf. I eyed the carcass as he unloaded the entire thing on one of the long tables, the scent of blood and fresh meat hung heavy in the air and my stomach rumbled as I had to swallow just to avoid drooling all over myself.


    It didn''t take long until the second man came in with a large buck slung over his shoulder, and he put the entire thing on the matriarch¡¯s table. This animal was also skinned, and I could only tell that it was a buck due to the large antlers that were still attached to its head.


    My stomach growled again, and I stared up at the creature that was about to be devoured.


    I had the urge to jump up and start chewing on the giant piece of meat, but I had to be patient. Doing otherwise would reflect badly on the matriarch, showing the tribe that she couldn''t control her own offspring.


    I spaced completely out while staring with hungry eyes on my next meal, and before I knew it, they had put two carcasses on each table, with the large buck on the matriarch¡¯s table.


    When everyone had gotten back to their seats and the silence of anticipation felt unnatural.


    Mother stood up and bowed before loudly saying. Here we are yet again for another communal breakfast, our hunters have done what they do best, and we are all here to share their bounty. Let''s devour the weak, let their flesh become our strength for tomorrow.


    With that speech she clapped her paws together and hell broke out immediately.


    Everyone threw themselves at the carcasses, immediately taking bites from the animals as they lay on the table, a few had their claws extended and tore large pieces of flesh off, only to throw it as fast as possible into their mouths, before rushing to get the next piece, not even taking a pause to swallow. The entire thing was a crazed feeding frenzy, a battle to stuff as much meat into their mouth until there was nothing left. Nothing was off limits until it had entered someone''s mouth and they ripped the meat out of each other''s paws while growling and snarling at each other.


    To this date, I had yet to experience any communal meal without any injuries, and no scrap of meat, marrow, organ or entrails ever survived any of our meals. The entire thing was a brutal affair.


    Anyone that thought that we were a civil race would change their mind after seeing a feeding session and would most likely end up being eaten in the process. Luckily for me I had privileges as the matriarch¡¯s daughter. As our leader She usually got a whole carcass to herself and didnt have to participate in the battle for the meat. Nevertheless she was just as noisy while eating, Growling towards towards her own meal, and she could devour a whole buck in 20 minutes or less by herself.


    I had been curious for a while on how everyone could eat more than their own body weight in meat, but Mother had never provided me with a satisfying answer, But I was experiencing endless hunger on a daily basis so the how and why got lost in my desire to eat.


    No matter how much I ate, it never felt like it would be enough. I had on several occasions eaten over twice my own body weight in meat, and still felt hungry afterwards. It was like my stomach was an endless pit that never neared half full, It was incredibly frustrating going around hungry constantly.


    As I sat on the floor and watched Mother eat with great enthusiasm, I had to be patient and wait for her to throw down any meat for me to eat. As my mother it was her role to feed me until I grew my second tail, and she did fulfill her duty, but I could see it in her eyes, that parting with any food while feeding went against her nature.


    But today was my lucky day. Mother actually halted her feeding for a few seconds to look down at me and gave me a loving smile before ripping an entire hind limb from the buck and holding it over me. My stomach growled as I stared at the juicy piece of meat, anticipating to sink my teeth into that beautiful piece of meat.


    After teasing me for a few seconds, she finally dropped it. I caught it with my mouth while supporting its weight with my paws, and I immediately lost myself in the joy of ripping flesh from the bone.


    As I gnawed and clawed on the delicious leg, I noticed something dangling from the table in my side vision. As I forced my attention from my delicious prize I saw that a piece of entrails had made it off the table and was hanging within paws reach.


    I had learned that I should never interrupt Mother while she was feeding, and should never take anything directly off the table, but this isn''t technically on the table so it should be fair game.


    I put the leg I had been gnawing on down and took hold of the dangling entrail and put it in my mouth. As I gulped it down I had the mental image of eating a giant string of spaghetti, I held back my laughter of the image in favour of pulling more entrail down.


    I kept slurping and pulling on the entrails, feeling extra lucky for my chance to eat even more, the more I pulled the more I got, and it felt like a never ending string of deliciousness and I must have swallowed nearly 20 feet of entrais before it came to a stop. My disappointment only lasted for a brief moment before I shook the feeling off, figuring I should count myself lucky that I even had that chance. As I was about to resume gnawing on the leg I had gotten earlier I had a look towards the long tables and saw Arissa sitting on the floor by her mother, her eyes filled with jealousy.


    I knew that Arissa¡¯s mother fed her, so it wasn''t like she would starve, but I also knew that I always was fed more, since I was the matriarch¡¯s daughter so I took pity on her. After all, she was the closest thing to a friend I had, If you could say that Celestial snow foxes had friendships.


    It was closer to tribemates or hunting partners than anything else, but I often looked at things differently from everyone else around me.


    I had long feared that I was losing my humanity by living in this village, So i tried extra hard to keep some of my old core values.


    I used my claw to slice off a fairly sizable piece of meat and held it up so Arrisa could see, and then hid it under my linen shirt.


    It wasn''t the first time I had hidden away food to give to Arissa, so her eyes lit up in joy and she started wagging her tail uncontrollably as she saw what I had done. And after giving her a grin I went back to gnawing on the leg.

 Chapter 6. I am definitely the weird one here.

    I sat at my spot besides Mother and licked clean the now fleshless bone, I started thinking back on my life, or more correctly my two lives. I was extremely curious if I would have recognized myself, If I had the chance to traverse worlds, jump in time or whatever necessary to meet myself from when I was human. I had this thought often, and for every time I actually had that thought, the doubt about my old self recognizing my new self only grew.


    It''s only natural that people change with time. I doubt my personality has changed too much, I do kind of have to keep a lid on certain aspects of myself to be able to fit into this crazy tribe.


    Every time I do share my thoughts and ideas, everyone just dismisses everything as silly idea¡¯s and it''s rather frustrating. But on the other hand, the physical differences were so huge that there was no chance in hell that I would have recognized myself. After all, I had gone from human to some sort of feral humanoid kitsune. On top of that even my gender had changed. I was a girl now, or rather a bitch as they call females here. I might have been a girl for over Four years, but I can''t say I felt like one. They don''t really do gender Inequality here at all, so I can''t say I have been treated as a girl in any way at least not yet.


    Other than the massive physical changes, I knew deep in my heart that I had been affected by other things, like my instincts as a celestial snow fox. my senses like my vision and hearing was on a whole other level now. And how I never could satisfy my hunger, no matter how much I ate it would never be enough.


    I was also completely immune to blood and gore, my old human self would struggle with something basic like killing and gutting a fish. Now I would kill and eat anything small enough I could get my hands on, which was mainly small rodents and similar small game.


    Even if those changes guaranteed had their effects on me, I tried my best to keep some of my old values. I found it increasingly difficult to do so, it felt like my memories faded bit by bit and on my worst days I even questioned if my old life had been real in the first place. I often had to force myself to think back on my last life so I wouldn''t forget, And as I went to bed at nights I repeated to myself. I am Alexander, I am still Alexander.


    The fear of losing myself to Lunaria was a growing concern for sure.


    As I was deep into my own thoughts, the adults had finished the battle over the last of the scraps, and it was time to move over to the morning hall part of our gathering.


    It was here we would raise any of our concerns, share important news and divide into hunting parties. There were rarely any concerns of news to bring up, so the only important thing being discussed was how to divide the hunters into parties for this week. Not that it really mattered to me, since I was not expected to join any of the hunting parties, I was only a mere one tailed pup after all.


    I waited until most adults had left the longhouse before I put down the bone I had mindlessly kept licking and went over where Arissa was sitting.


    As I sat down with her, I gently patted my shirt where I had stashed the piece of meat for her and gave her a wide smile and said.


    So what do you wanna do today ?


    Arissa let out a weak growl and said.


    Do you really have to ask ? We do what we always do, we go out to train to become great hunters, I''m still hungry so catching anything would make my day.


    I gave her a soft chuckle before saying. Aren''t we always hungry ? It''s not like I don''t like hunting, but it''s basically the only thing we do. It could be fun to do something else then to hunt you know. Let''s experiment a little, try new things and live a little.


    Arissa just gave me her usual look, like I had said something outrageous idiotic.


    Sometimes I don''t get you Lunaria, what could be more fun than stalking your prey and sink your teeth in some fresh and warm meat.


    I let out a sigh before saying. I don''t know. I really don''t know, I''m just longing for something different, something that isn''t hunting, sleeping or eating. We do those things more than enough already.


    No Lunaria, we don''t do it enough, I''m still hungry, so how could we ?


    Aren''t we always hungry, isn''t everyone complaining about being hungry, when was the last time you went an entire day without hearing someone complaining about exactly that.


    Do you honestly believe that you won''t be hungry, no matter how much you actually eat.This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Arissa thought about what I said for a few seconds before giving me a predatory grin and said. If we catch a lot, we would be less hungry.


    I let out a sigh of resignation and waved my paw dismissively. Have it your way. Any specific place you wanna go ?


    Yeah I know just the place she said, beaming with excitement.


    Let''s go over the river to the east. If we hide up in tree¡¯s there we can ambush anything that tries to drink from the river. It should be close enough that the grown ups wouldn''t make a fuss about it


    I gave Arissa a silent nod, before running up to Mother. She was still sitting at the matriarch¡¯s table, sorting through a pile of bones in front of her, with a displeased expression in her face.


    I quickly explained Arissa¡¯s plan and she instantly approved, but told me that we shouldn''t go further than that. She usually always approved when we asked to do something to practice our hunting abilities. The idea of having her 4 year old travel an hour from the village without adult supervision was not alarming to her at all. It''s not like I can complain about the freedom I had, but I can''t envision myself being fine with such a thing if I had children. But again, this culture is like night and day compared to human cultures, at least the human cultures I knew of.


    With our activities approved I ran out of the longhouse where Arissa stood waiting, inpatient to get going. As I neared her, I took in her appearance. She was one of those that swore off clothes, and would only use them on the coldest winters, in contrast to me who couldn''t stand the thought of being naked in front of others.


    She had a slim and well trained body, with pure white fur covering her limbs, tail and backside, making her piercing crimson eyes stand out even more. Together with the long white hair, she looked just like a smaller version of every other tribe member. I doubt any outsiders could see any of our tribe members apart, not visually at least, since we mainly used our strong sense of smell to differentiate between each other.


    However everyone did have slightly different visible features, and in Arissa¡¯s case she had a little more fur covering her body then the others. Instead of covering her arms up to the shoulders like mine, her fur also went around her throat and neck, and she also had a tiny spot of gray fur on the left side of her throat.


    Together with that, her distinct smell and that she was a lot smaller than any of the adults, she would always be unmistakable for me.


    I was incredibly curious if I had any unique features like that, I really wanted to get my paws on a mirror, but such things didn''t exist in our village, the closest I had gotten was seeing my own reflection in a puddle, so I was mostly ignorant of how my appearance was. The only thing I knew made me stand out compared to the others was the fact that I was always wearing clothes, It might only be a simple shirt and pants but at least I was dressed. The others mostly went around nude outside their natural fur, and would only wear clothes during the coldest parts of winter. So I was definitely the weird one, it might have been the human culture wired into me, or that wasn''t comfortable enough to walk around displaying my private parts. I am still pretty conscious of my missing manhood after all


    I would also expect Arissa to be a lot taller and look older than me, since she was 2 years my senior, but she was barely half a head taller than me, I had a theory that we grew based on how much we ate, and that could the be reason why she barely was larger than me, but I couldn''t tell for sure. Since I only had myself and her as samples on how children grew.


    Tired of seeing me space out, Arissa shook her head and grabbed my paw before starting to run eastwards. Taken by surprise I almost stumbled but quickly regained my balance, and after running for a few minutes we were out of sight from the village and any villagers.


    Arissa halted and started sniffing my chest, eager for the treat I had brought her out of pity.


    Seeing the fox girl in such eagerness I tried to hold back my laughter, unable to suppress it completely I ended up letting out a snort instead. Come on, easy now girl I said while pushing her away from me before her nose found its way under my shirt.


    She started staring at me with her huge puppy eyes while her drool spilled out of her mouth.


    Seeing how she could barely contain herself, I retrieved the slice of meat from under my shirt. As I held up the piece of meat, the smell of raw flesh hit my nose, I felt my stomach rumble, and saliva build up in my mouth. I felt a sudden urge to throw it into my own mouth and had to fight my gluttonous instincts for control. Fearing I would lose the battle of self control, I threw the meat up in the air, while struggling to hold back the urge to jump after it.


    Arissa held back nothing, With her eyes fixated on the flying piece she jumped up, catching it with her mouth and swallowing the entire thing without even chewing.


    Seeing the meat disappear, my inner urge also vanished, and I was quite pleased with myself that I managed to resist my own instinct so well. I tried my best to find joy in seeing Arissa so pleased, but I couldn''t help feeling the regret in not just eating it myself.


    Arissa licked herself around the mouth, in an expression of pure bliss and said.


    Mmmm. That was delicious, thanks for the snack Lunaria.


    I really don''t get how you do it. Putting away such a piece and even giving it away without asking anything in return, it doesn''t make sense, I doubt I could muster such restraint.


    And you used that weird word again, Why wont you just call me a bitch like everyone else ?


    Annoyed over having to explain my word of choice, I shrugged before saying. I don''t think anyone would suffer from some self discipline, it builds character you know. And you don''t need to point that out every time, you know what I mean by it. I just like that word over bitch, it sounds cuter.


    Arissa groaned Before saying. Don''t get me wrong, I like you and everything, but you can be so strange sometimes. Cute ? What a pointless notion. But let''s hurry up, I want to find more to eat.