ã€ŠShadow and Lightã€‹


 Prelude I: History

    Once, long before anyone now living was born, there lived a boy. He was the strongest magic-user ever to live, a master of his craft by twenty. He spun light into dancing, twisting shapes, picked up any magic and many physical skills quickly. He grew up beautiful, proud, and strong, and eventually came to marry a princess, thereby becoming a prince, then a king.

    As king, he inherited the last king¡¯s war. He made an end to it quickly, his powerful magic backing his soldiers as they conquered and laid waste to the world. Generously, he allowed conquered rulers to maintain stewardship over their lands, so long as they swore fealty to him. If they did not¡­ he killed them, going down the line of succession til someone swore loyalty.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

    Thus the Empire of Light began. It was an era known for peace, its birth marked by blood and slaughter. Peace reigned as the Emperor demanded it, his word made law through fear and bloodshed when his propaganda was insufficient.

    It was not to last.

    Sometime during the Emperor of Light¡¯s rule, the first child with the power we would come to know as wizardry was born. This child was¡­ unremarkable. They grew, lived, and died, hardly ever having touched the river of energy within them. I do not even know who they were, only that I was not the first, second, nor even twentieth such child to be born. Any of the others could have done as I did, could have risen to legendary greatness, had they only been lucky enough, had they only stepped forth. But they did not.

    I did.

    And I died for it.

 Prelude II: Magic

    ¡°Shadow¡± was an insult when I was born. Originally it meant someone who¡¯d turned from the Light¡¯s true path, but my first memory of it was a playground squabble, a classmate throwing the word at me in anger. I knew even then it was a dark word. Shadows were dark, cruel things, desiring only the destruction of all that the Light had brought us.

    He was everywhere, that boy turned king. His face, wearing a beatific smile, graced every coin. His statue stood in the temple, twice as large as life, every detail rendered in pure white marble. My mother had a picture of him on the door; she bowed to it and said a quick prayer every time she left the house.

    In my youngest years, I believed the Emperor to be a mythical figure, a god who¡¯d never truly existed. I remember believing that, though I cannot recall finding out I was wrong.

    My name meant ¡°light¡± then, as so many names did, in honor of our illustrious Emperor. In my village alone, there were a half dozen or so girls with the same name as me. I hated it in silence.

    There were many things I hated, living in that little village. My name. The monotony, day after day after day doing the same chores and seeing the same people and reciting the same prayers. My certain future, marrying and raising children into that same dull existence. I would have said my existence became a prison, but then, I was a rather melodramatic child.You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    By the time I turned fourteen, I¡¯d changed. I no longer remember exactly how I realized I had magic, I only remember the fear and confusion. I already hid feelings that I knew no one else around me shared, a shameful secret buried deep inside. To have magic, too¡­ well, only nobles were permitted to learn that. I remembered the time a girl not much older than me had dared to use magic. I was nine at the time, she was eleven. I didn¡¯t remember her name, but the memory of her face that day haunted me.

    She never returned to class. Whispered rumors spread that she¡¯d been taken to the capital, Solaris. Some said she¡¯d be put on trial for her crime, a few imagined she¡¯d be adopted by nobles. Nobody really believed that one.

    All I knew, by the time my magic appeared, was the look on her face, the dawning horror when she realized what she¡¯d done. I looked at my reflection and saw her.

    Every day, I feared becoming like her. Every day, I felt it, like a need just beneath my skin, a hunger I could never quite satisfy. Sometimes, it would spill out. I was lucky that the first time, I was alone, and that after that I retreated from my friends. Alone in my room, at least no one could see when I lost control. At least I managed to keep it quiet. Even my mother never knew, for all that she tried to pull me from the shell I built around myself.

    I had two secrets, then. I thought I¡¯d take them to my grave.

    I was wrong.

 Vida

    Part 1: Wolf Pack

    <hr>

    Vida

    <hr>

    I didn¡¯t know that I wasn¡¯t alone until I was about eighteen years old.

    It began at one of the festivals. The first night of the spring equinox festival, I think. Lanterns were lit all over the village, light chasing out the last of winter¡¯s darkness. Safe within their light, children played, couples danced, and friends strolled about chatting.

    I was alone.

    Tradition dictated that couples exchange flowers at the spring and fall equinoxes. Different flowers signified different things, different hopes for the relationship. Usually, young couples would exchange only one flower, but couples engaged to be married would trade whole bouquets.

    In eighteen years, no one had yet given me a flower. There¡¯d been a few I thought of giving flowers to in the past four or five years, but I''d never tried.

    Lonely and suddenly very tired, I slipped away from the festivities.

    Not far inside the woods there was an old wall, broken down and crumbling, with roses climbing over it. I didn''t know what I planned to do there. Maybe I could pick a rose and pretend my sweetheart had given it to me. Roses meant faith, so my imaginary sweetheart would have sworn to always be true.

    Darkness closed in around me. I''d not thought to bring a lantern. Hesitantly, I reached inside for my magic¨C the power that I couldn''t help but touch, but that felt like it might overwhelm me every time.

    Then the moon broke through the clouds and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn''t need to struggle against my magic tonight.

    The roses were there, scrawny, sparse, and beautiful. I broke into a run to get to the wall faster, and promptly tripped on a loose brick. I dropped with a sharp cry, clutching my ankle.

    Not broken. Sprained?

    Biting back tears, I braced myself and tried to stand. This was a bad idea, coming out here alone in the dark! I managed to limp to the wall and leaned against it, avoiding the thorns. The fire was still visible in the direction I''d come from, so if I screamed someone would hear. Probably. That was good.

    I adjusted my balance and lifted my foot to see how bad it was.

    Actually, not that bad at all. Not even sprained, only twisted, I''d be able to walk without limping soon. I set my foot down again and tested it¨C nope, definitely not yet.

    Well, I wouldn''t leave without a prize. I turned, and after a moment of searching, found the biggest rose, crimson in the moonlight. I twisted the stem until it broke off in my hand, scratching me in the process. I grinned, triumphant.

    When I looked up again, two spots of light shone in the trees.

    I stared at them for far too long before realizing they were light reflected off something''s eyes. ¡°If you¡¯re a bear, please go away, I don''t want to be eaten today.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not a bear.¡± The voice, silky smooth and as enticing as a flame, held a hint of a laugh. ¡°Take a couple steps back, I¡¯ll move into the light so you can see me.¡±

    I did.

    The speaker stepped forward, directly into the moonlight falling through the trees, and my breath caught.

    She was beautiful. Tanned skin glowed under the golden moon, several shades lighter than mine. Long, pointed ears¨C an elf?¨C pierced with silver emerged from waves of coppery curls, the tips twitching as she tilted her head curiously. White teeth flashed in a crimson smirk when her gaze caught mine. Her eyes were the loveliest I¡¯d ever seen, deep brown and glittering under the moonlight. In the darkness they seemed almost too large for her face.

    Then I looked a little farther. She wore a sleeveless brown shirt, revealing huge, delicate wings. They rose from her back, not gossamer and see-through like I¡¯d always imagined faerie wings to be, but solid and richly colored like a butterfly¡¯s. The side I could see was patterned with iridescent green segments framed by golden copper almost the exact shade of her hair.

    ¡°You¡¯re a sprite,¡± I managed.

    ¡°And you¡¯re a human.¡± Suddenly so much closer to me, her hand reached forward, touched my cheek. Her fingers were warm in the cool evening air, like lines of fire against my skin. Heat flooded my cheeks, sparks dancing across my skin from her touch.

    I pressed against the wall, ducking my head to avoid her gaze. Could she hear the frantic beating of my heart? I could hardly hear my own thoughts over it¨C was the air getting warmer? ¡°I¨C why are you here? This is a human village.¡±This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

    She shrugged and dropped her hand back to her side. ¡°I was traveling with some friends, got a bit lost. And you, why are you off in the shadows instead of basking in the light with your friends or a lover?¡± Liquid brown eyes studied me, and I got the feeling she expected to read her answer there rather than hear it spoken.

    ¡°I¡­ wanted to come,¡± I mumbled. ¡°For a rose.¡±

    ¡°Won¡¯t anyone miss you?¡± Her gaze sharpened, almost hungry.

    I knew I should have said yes. I¡¯d be missed, that I had to return to my family, my friends. Say the rose was for a boy who''d miss me soon.

    I didn''t say any of that.

    The stories I knew said the gaze of a fae was hypnotic. That some, both sprites and vampires, could enchant people of the opposite sex, make them fall in love at a glance. Not many ever saw faeries, but I¡¯d been cautioned that if I ever did meet one I should avoid looking into their eyes, and I should never, ever give one my name, because I''d be under their control forever. I didn''t know if my magic would protect me. Looking at her, I doubted if being a girl would either.

    All that ran through my mind in an instant. I tilted my head up and met the sprite¡¯s gaze again.

    Never give a stranger your name, I¡¯d been warned time and again. For the sprites and vampires can take your name and use it to bend you to their will. You¡¯ll be their thrall, they¡¯ll take what they want and leave you a shell.

    ¡°My name is¨C¡± I started.

    The sprite put a finger to my lips. I crossed my eyes staring at it, then looked back at her.

    ¡°Shh,¡± she murmured. ¡°I want you knowing you¡¯re in your right mind for this.¡±

    I tilted my head. ¡°What do you mean?¡±

    ¡°I mean, pretty girl, that I¡¯d very much like to kiss you, but I won¡¯t kiss someone who thinks she¡¯s enthralled.¡±

    The heat in my cheeks returned. People in my village occasionally gossiped, always stopping when someone younger drew near, of people like this. Wicked, evil, they called it. Unnatural.

    For years, I¡¯d thought I was too, that I had evil inside me, no matter how hard I tried to fight it back. I¡¯d thought perhaps that was why my father left, why I always felt alone. Why no one, except my mother, had ever loved me.

    ¡°I won¡¯t unless you say you want it too.¡± Her hand pulled back.

    Something told me it wasn¡¯t any magic that pulled me to her, that made me long to know how her lips would feel on mine. I could have told myself it was only because I was long overdue for my first kiss and I wasn¡¯t attracted to anyone I knew, and this sprite would soon be gone from my life forever. I knew it would all be a lie.

    So I pressed my fingers into the thorns of the rose until I felt the stinging clarity of pain calm my heartbeat, and I said, ¡°Please. Please.¡±

    Was I asking her to kiss me? Asking her to make me feel like I wasn¡¯t alone?

    ¡°Please¡­ kiss me,¡± I whispered, hoping that was what I really wanted. I couldn¡¯t ask for anything more.

    Her mouth ghosted over my ear. ¡°My name is Vida.¡±

    ¡°Vid¨C¡±

    And then her lips touched mine, and I forgot how to speak. My world narrowed to that one moment, to the softness of her lips, the warmth of her touch, the scent of roses all around, carried on the breeze. My back pressed against the bricks as I reached up with shaking hands to touch her ears, her hair. Her fingers caressed my cheeks and shoulders, then one of her hands found mine while the other stroked my hair and tucked it back behind my ear as she broke the kiss.

    The rose had fallen from my hand, I didn''t know when, and I couldn''t bring myself to care much at all. Not when my heart might have been trying to escape my chest and I wasn''t sure if I was still standing on the ground. Maybe I''d hit my head when I fell and this was only a dream¨C but oh, Light, what a dream!

    Vida cupped my cheek and brushed her nose against mine. ¡°I¡¯m so glad I could meet you. It¡¯s always nice to know there¡¯s someone else like me.¡±

    ¡°Like you?¡± I echoed. She wasn¡¯t evil, she couldn¡¯t be. She was so beautiful, so gentle.

    She kissed my forehead. ¡°If you know, you know. I¡¯ve only ever liked girls.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ but you¡¯re not¡­¡±

    ¡°I know. People fear what they don¡¯t understand.¡± She looked towards the fire, then off into the night. ¡°Most people. But once you begin to understand, once you understand what it is to be different in one way, it¡¯s easier to accept other differences even without experiencing them.¡± She looked back at me.

    ¡°Is it really?¡± I asked softly.

    Vida nodded, her gaze still holding mine. ¡°Sometimes.¡±

    ¡°Will you steal me away now?¡± My voice was barely a breath. I shouldn¡¯t want that, I knew¨C but I''d imagined it a thousand times. None of my fantasies contained a sprite as beautiful as Vida, though.

    She barked a short laugh. ¡°Steal you¨C Darling, I¡¯m not that sort of faerie. I¡¯ve no interest in thralls.¡±

    A strange sense of disappointment mixed with my relief. ¡°No?¡±

    ¡°No. But¨C¡± She took my hand, pressed it to her cheek. ¡°I¡¯d like to see you again, if you¡¯ll allow me. Two days, and I¡¯ll be back, will I see you then?¡±

    A thrill raced through my body at her touch, the whisper of her breath on my palm. ¡°Yes,¡± I promised. ¡°I¡¯ll see you then.¡± On impulse, I pulled away, dropped to the ground to find the fallen rose. There, it wasn''t even squished. I offered it to her with my best attempt at a charming look, extending my arm like a storybook prince. ¡°Til then, take this.¡±

    She took it with an odd little smile and a flutter of her wings, keeping her hand on mine. ¡°Thank you, little shadow. I look forward to our next meeting.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t call me that,¡± I said, without the bite I intended. ¡°I¡¯m not a shadow, shadows are evil and horrible and ugly.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m a shadow.¡± Vida¡¯s thumb drew slow circles on my hand.

    ¡°No, you¡¯re not.¡± I frowned. She couldn¡¯t be. She was beautiful. The most beautiful girl I''d ever seen. ¡°You can¡¯t be wicked.¡±

    She shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s a word I was called time and again, a weapon thrown at me by those who¡¯d see me dead. So I took it from them. It¡¯s my word now, they can¡¯t hurt me with it anymore.¡± The rose I''d given her brushed over my cheek.

    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t know,¡± I whispered. My stomach churned, I needed space to figure out what I was feeling, to put names to the lurching and soaring and fluttering inside. ¡°Vida, I¡¯m sorry, I have to go.¡± I turned back towards the lanternlight.

    ¡°Goodbye, rose girl,¡± Vida called, her voice lilting almost into a song. ¡°I hope to see you again soon!¡±

    I hoped so too, more than I knew what to do with.

 Destiny

    Destiny

    <hr>

    The next day, visitors came to the village. A troupe of costumed musicians, with brightly colored ribbons trailing from their instruments. They laughed and sang as they walked about, and children streamed out to dance to their music.

    One girl, wearing an orange mask made to look like a fox¡¯s face, caught my gaze. Slowly, one glittering eyelid lowered in a wink. I froze, but she¡¯d already spun away, singing a tune about a sunshine lady to the smith¡¯s apprentice.

    She couldn¡¯t be Vida. Her auburn hair was braided back, daylight showing brown roots that I hadn¡¯t seen before, so I could clearly see that her ears were round. She didn¡¯t have wings, and her short, sleeveless dress certainly couldn¡¯t hide the gorgeous green things I¡¯d seen last night.

    I shook myself and turned away. I had chores to do¡­

    Well, it wouldn¡¯t hurt to ask.

    I marched over to the girl, my heart pounding in my chest. If I was wrong¨C well, if I was wrong the worst that could happen was me embarrassing myself in front of a traveling musician who¡¯d move on in a few days. And who definitely wouldn¡¯t like girls. No other girl did.

    Something inside told me I wasn¡¯t wrong.

    The fox girl¡¯s face turned to me. The same long-lashed eyes I¡¯d been lost in last night looked at me from behind her mask.

    My mouth went dry. I hadn¡¯t thought this through at all.

    ¡°My name¡¯s¨C¡± I started.

    She shook her head, speaking quickly and quietly. Though she looked different, her voice was the same silken one I''d heard from the sprite in the forest. ¡°Not here. Not now. Not everyone is¡­ Where can I meet you tonight during the performance?¡±

    ¡°Um¡­ s-south side of the bonfire?¡± My words caught on each other and came out a question.

    ¡°South side, when I leave the stage.¡± She grinned and raised her voice and her lute. ¡°Sure, I know that one! Who¡¯s up for a round of The Foolish Fae?¡±

    Someone began clapping to keep time as she started strumming her lute. ¡°As I was out a-walkin¡¯, one morning in the spring, I spied a fair maid dancin¡¯, around the faerie ring!¡±

    I joined in, clapping along, though my mind was elsewhere. How could she sing so casually of a wicked faerie so easily outwitted by a human girl, as if she wasn¡¯t one? As if that wasn¡¯t what humans thought of all faeries?

    I had those questions still on my lips hours later, when I snuck away to meet her by the fire. I passed another couple kissing, a boy and girl I recognized. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice me as I crept around the flames twice as tall as I was.

    ¡°The maid, she laughed and spun around, declaring to the fae.¡±

    I turned a full circle, trying to see her. ¡°Vida?¡±

    She appeared as her costumed human self first, then something fell away and revealed her full self, wings and ears and all. ¡°¡®My love thou shalt ever have, if you¡¯ll always stay with me¡¯,¡± she sang softly. Her voice carried so much sincerity, I couldn¡¯t help but smile.

    ¡°That¡¯s not the line,¡± I murmured as she took my hands. ¡°At least, it¡¯s not the one you sang earlier.¡±

    ¡°Call it artistic license.¡± Her fingers carded through my hair. ¡°You came.¡±

    ¡°I¨C I wanted to see you again. And make sure it was really you.¡± As I said the words, I realized how silly they must sound.

    Her clear, sparkling laugh made me look up. ¡°Oh, love. When we leave, can I write to you? I¡¯m not sure it¡¯d work the other way around, we move a lot¨C¡±

    ¡°I want to come with you,¡± I blurted out.

    Vida froze, fingers still in my hair. ¡°Huh?¡±Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

    ¡°I want to come,¡± I repeated. My nose burned, letting me know tears were on their way.

    ¡°Why? I mean¨C I thought¨C most people don¡¯t want to leave their families?¡±

    I grabbed her hand, looking at it instead of her face. Her nails were forest green, the paint chipping away on the first two fingers. ¡°Vida, all I¡¯ve ever wanted is to leave.¡±

    Her hand wrapped around my wrist and she tugged me over to a tree, further from the fire¡¯s flickering light. ¡°Come on. Sit down.¡± She leaned against the tree, feet tucked under herself.

    Daringly, I sat so close I was nearly on her lap.

    ¡°That works.¡± Vida put an arm around my shoulders, gently pulling me to rest against her. I tensed. Normally, I paid little notice to the soft rolls my stomach had developed in the past couple years, but now every ounce felt a contrast to Vida¡¯s delicate frame.

    She kissed my temple. ¡°Stop wiggling, love. May I ask why you wanted to leave?¡±

    Words refused to come. I leaned against her side. How was I supposed to express the deep dread I felt at the thought of living out my life the way my mother had, growing old in a tiny village where my life would hardly matter to anyone?

    ¡°Alright, may I tell you something?¡± Her voice was soft, vulnerable. I nodded, her heartbeat loud in my ear.

    ¡°I used to live in the Court of Avallon,¡± she said softly. ¡°I grew up surrounded by fae of sunlight and summer warmth who held none in their hearts for anything that did not uphold the court¡¯s perfect image. That included a young sprite who¡¯d been betrothed as an infant, but had known as long as she could remember that she would never love him.¡± She sighed wistfully. ¡°He was kind enough, but¡­ I think faeries have forgotten what it¡¯s like to live life without a mask. I chafed at mine as long as I can remember. Pretending to be something you¡¯re not, keeping your face blank even if you¡¯re threatened, having to keep your form perfect all the time¡­ bright sun, it was exhausting.¡± She twirled one of my curls around her finger absently. ¡°I wasn¡¯t a very good faerie.¡±

    ¡°Is that why you left?¡± I asked.

    Vida nodded. ¡°I found out when I turned sixteen that I was to be married a few weeks later. I wasn¡¯t ready to leave behind everything I¡¯d ever known but I really wasn¡¯t ready for marriage and all that meant. So I¡­ left. Wrote a note confessing everything, including that I was determined to marry for love and that I only liked girls.¡± She chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. ¡°It was three pages long and I wrote small. Poured out my heart in that letter, I did.¡±

    ¡°Oh, Vida.¡± I turned so I could hug her properly.

    She patted my back. ¡°It¡¯s been four years since, I¡¯ve gotten used to it.¡± Still, her voice sounded thick.

    ¡°You left because you didn¡¯t fit in?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Isn¡¯t that what I just said?¡± She kissed my hair softly.

    ¡°Me too.¡±

    ¡°Love, if you whisper so quietly I can¡¯t hear you.¡±

    ¡°Me too,¡± I said, a bit louder. I swallowed past the lump in my throat, and finally the words spilled forth. ¡°I think I¡¯m broken. I wanted to be a boy when I was twelve, and when I was fourteen and all the other girls in class were talking about their crushes I tried to have a crush on a boy too like I did when I was younger but it wasn¡¯t any of them, it was Lucinda, and I figured out how to hide it but it hurts, Vida, it hurts!¡± I burst into tears and hugged her tightly.

    She was the only person I¡¯d ever met who was broken like me, the only girl who liked girls. I couldn¡¯t lose her so soon. Couldn¡¯t go back to my life knowing she existed. I didn''t know how I''d survive knowing she was out there and I was trapped here, looking at a future that had never felt right, the one where I''d marry a man I''d barely ever spoken to and have his children and take care of my mother when she grew old and¨C

    One of her hands rubbed gentle circles on my back, pulling me away from my spiraling thoughts. My breath hitched and I let out a quiet sob. ¡°We¡¯ll be leaving in three or four days, love. We¡¯ll leave in the morning, camp just out of sight, and wait for you, alright? I¡¯ll come back to help if you want, but we need to be quiet. Blythe doesn¡¯t want to get a reputation for kidnapping.¡± She chuckled dryly. ¡°Seren thinks it¡¯s probably futile, but Blythe insists we try, and when she sets her mind to something the decision¡¯s final.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know any of the names you¡¯re saying,¡± I sniffled. ¡°And I¡¯m getting snot all over your pretty dress.¡±

    Vida laughed. ¡°That¡¯s okay, love. I have more, and you¡¯ll meet everyone in a few days.¡±

    ¡°Should tell you my name,¡± I said. ¡°If I¡¯m coming with you.¡±

    ¡°No.¡± I felt her hand in my hair again.

    ¡°Why not?¡±

    Her hand stilled for a moment, then lifted a few strands of my hair and let them fall slowly. ¡°Because, love, we¡¯re none of us the people we left behind. The girl I used to be was chained to the part she had to play. The girl I am now is free as a bird and doesn¡¯t have to hide her truth anymore. Whatever your name is now, choose another.¡±

    ¡°What if I don¡¯t want to?¡± My mind was already spinning with possibilities.

    ¡°Love, it''s almost like you want me to enthrall you!¡± Vida shook her head. ¡°There¡¯s other reasons to, so I highly suggest that you choose another name, even just a placeholder. It was two weeks before I settled on Vida, for my new life¨C before that I was Leaf.¡±

    ¡°Destiny,¡± I said, looking up at her. ¡°When you tell them about me, I want you to call me Destiny. Because I¡¯m going to choose my own.¡±

    Vida laughed and ruffled my hair. ¡°Destiny. I like it.¡±

 Cantores

    Cantores

    <hr>

    I spent the night packing my favorite things, and anything I couldn''t do without. With a last glance at the picture of the Emperor that hung on the door, I slipped out of the house that had once been mine just after dawn. I closed the door gently behind me and touched the peeling blue paint for the last time.

    ¡°Goodbye, Mother,¡± I whispered. With luck, she''d think I''d gone to fetch water, the first of my morning chores, and wouldn''t realize I wasn''t coming back until I was long gone. I hadn''t taken the water bucket, so maybe that would clue her in sooner, but I couldn''t take that from her. It was her only one.

    And I''m her only daughter.

    I almost turned back then. What was I thinking? I should stay, take care of her¡­.

    I couldn''t die here.

    One step after another, I left my onetime home behind. My feet felt heavy, the grass catching at my shoes at each step.

    Vida. My thoughts turned to her as grass turned to bare dirt, to cobblestones, and back to grass, my stomach twisted in worry. What if she''d been lying? What if she wasn''t waiting for me, what if she didn''t truly like girls? No other girl did. Or what if¨C what if she got to know me, and didn''t like me?

    I could still go back. Keep the memory of her forever, and never let her break my heart.

    ¡­Or I could take the chance.

    I crested a hill, and quite suddenly Vida was there in her full spritely glory. Her clothes were simpler than before, no longer the performer''s costume, but her ears and wings were on full display. In the sunlight, her spread wings glowed, each panel of green framed by shining deep brown.

    She laughed lightly at my surprise and held out a hand. ¡°You came. I wasn''t sure if you would.¡±

    I took her hand more hesitantly. Her skin was warm against my palm, and the way her fingers curled around mine just felt¡­ right.

    ¡°Destiny,¡± Vida said carefully, almost as if testing the name.

    I couldn''t help my grin. It felt remarkably nice to be called by another name than the one I''d hated for so many years. ¡°Yeah?¡±

    ¡°Something I didn''t think to mention. The rest of the group¡­ Two of them are human.¡±

    I frowned. There had definitely been more than three performers in Vida''s group. ¡°Two. And the rest are sprites like you?¡±

    ¡°Nnno,¡± Vida said. She tucked a lock of hair that had come free of her braid back behind her ear. ¡°They''re werewolves.¡±

    My hand tightened in hers. ¡°But werewolves are¡­¡± They''d all looked human.

    ¡­So had Vida.

    ¡°I know,¡± she said. ¡°I know what they say. Animals, right? Barely better than wolves? Monsters, even, sometimes?¡±

    I nodded.

    ¡°That''s what they think in every human or demon town we''ve been to, and some fae ones I''ve visited. They''re all wrong. Werewolves are just people who can switch between two forms at will, that''s all.¡± Vida paused thoughtfully. ¡°Well, and some cultural differences, but they''re really just people.¡±

    ¡°Are you sure?¡± Wait, no¨C I shook my head. ¡°Wait, that¡­ that came out wrong, I didn''t mean¨C¡±

    ¡°I''ve been traveling with five of them for near on four years, love. I''m pretty sure.¡± She turned and her dark eyes found mine, her fingers brushed my chin. ¡°Do you trust me?¡±

    I hesitated. ¡°I¡­ think so. You''re not enthralling me, are you?¡±

    Vida laughed to the sky. ¡°Trust me, love, if I ever thralled you, you''d know.¡±

    I bit down on the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood. ¡°...Okay then. Yes.¡±

    ¡°I promise,¡± she said softly. ¡°I promise you''re safe with us.¡±

    I wanted to trust her. I nodded.

    Vida folded her wings, first straight back like a butterfly, then down against her back, and led me down the hill towards a single covered wagon with two brown horses hitched to it and three tents nearby. There didn''t seem to be any people around, until a slim blond man appeared from the wagon. Shaggy curls fell around his face and over his glasses, but it didn''t seem to bother him as he strode over. ¡°Hello! You must be Destiny. I''m Seren Cantores.¡±

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    ¡°Good to meet you,¡± I managed. He didn''t look like a werewolf, he looked as human as I was and barely taller. Maybe he was one of the two humans.

    ¡°Seren''s pack leader, along with his wife Blythe,¡± Vida explained. She grinned at Seren. ¡°They picked the rest of us up like stray dogs.¡±

    Not human.

    ¡°Why?¡± I asked. I fiddled with the strap of my bag, unable to look at him.

    ¡°Why¡­ what? Take people in? They needed it.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s the only reason?¡± I hesitated, mouth drying with worry, but I had to ask. ¡°What if someone¡¯s¡­¡± My gaze dropped to the ground, ¡°broken?¡±

    Silence.

    I looked up to see a deep, sad look on Seren¡¯s face. I flinched.

    ¡°You¡¯re not broken,¡± he said firmly, taking my hand to press it between both of his. ¡°Do you hear me? You¡¯re not broken, and you never were.¡±

    I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from crying.

    Letting go of my hand, Seren said, ¡°Destiny, half the pack¡¯s felt broken at one point or another. That¡¯s why we¡¯re here, together. Vida, could you help her get settled and introduce her to everyone?¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡± She lifted my bag away and tugged me towards the wagon. ¡°Do you like horses, Destiny?¡±

    ¡°I¨C d-on¡¯t know,¡± I managed. The tears still threatened, so I rubbed my hand across my eyes as if that would hold them back. How could Seren say so easily that I wasn¡¯t broken? He didn¡¯t even know me.

    ¡°Would you like to meet ours first? Their names are Hope and Song, they¡¯re both very sweet mares.¡±

    ¡°I guess?¡±

    Vida set my bag inside the wagon, then led me along the side til we reached the horses. ¡°This one is Song, she¡¯s got a white blaze. Hope doesn¡¯t. You can pet her if you like, either of them, they don¡¯t bite.¡±

    Hesitantly, I touched the horse¡¯s shoulder. She was huge, and I could feel warmth radiating from her body. She turned her head towards me and nudged me¨C harder than I was expecting. I pulled back.

    ¡°She¡¯s asking for treats,¡± Vida informed me.

    ¡°Oh.¡±

    ¡°She likes it if you scratch by her ears.¡±

    I tried that. The horse, Song, lowered her head to let me.

    ¡°She¡¯s sweet, isn¡¯t she?¡±

    That wasn¡¯t Vida. My head snapped up and I looked around until I saw a golden-haired girl on the other side of the horses, adjusting Hope¡¯s harness. She straightened and grinned at me. ¡°I¡¯m Fionnuala, the oldest one after Vida. I play guitar. You¡¯re new?¡±

    ¡°Um¡­ I¡¯m Destiny,¡± I said. I suddenly felt self-conscious¨C what if she thought it was stupid?

    ¡°You''re next eldest now?¡± Vida leaned on Song. ¡°What would Fia say?¡±

    ¡°Who cares what Fia thinks?¡± Fionnuala patted the horse and fed her something. ¡°I am and that¡¯s a fact.¡±

    ¡°Mm.¡± Running a hand over the horse¡¯s rump, Vida walked around her to face Fionnuala. ¡°Destiny, this is Fionnuala, or Fin. She¡¯s either Seren and Blythe¡¯s oldest child, or she¡¯s the second oldest. Fin, Destiny¡¯s new, we picked her up in the last village. I¡¯m showing her around.¡±

    ¡°Oldest or second oldest?¡± I echoed, confused.

    ¡°Werewolves have a lot of multiples,¡± Fionnuala explained as Vida fluttered over to the wagon. ¡°I have a twin who thinks he¡¯s oldest.¡±

    ¡°How old are you?¡± I asked.

    Fionnuala grabbed the horse¡¯s mane and threw herself over its back. Grinning down at me, she said, ¡°Nineteen. And our little brother is fourteen. Can you ride?¡±

    I shook my head.

    ¡°Want to learn?¡±

    I touched the horse¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Sure!¡±

    By the time Vida returned, I was on the horse behind Fin, grinning and unsteadily holding on to her shoulders.

    ¡°Having fun?¡±

    I didn¡¯t dare move for fear of toppling us both over. ¡°Yeah!¡±

    ¡°Good. Er¡­ Fin, can we have some privacy for a moment? Me and Des?¡±

    ¡°Sure.¡± Fin reached back, and somehow managed to help me down without getting down herself. ¡°Go off there, it¡¯s as much as anyone can have here. Ma said we¡¯re heading out in, I think it¡¯ll be ten minutes by now.¡±

    Vida nodded and walked off, jerking her head for me to follow. When we¡¯d gotten far enough away, she stopped, ran a hand through her hair, and sighed.

    ¡°Vida?¡± Was she going to tell me to leave?

    ¡°Look¡­ I wasn¡¯t really¡­ I didn¡¯t think¡­¡±

    ¡°I thought you liked me.¡± I couldn¡¯t help the note of a whine that snuck into my voice.

    ¡°I do!¡± Vida protested. ¡°But¡­ all I expected that night was a flirtation for a day or three. A few kisses. That¡¯s not anything to build a relationship on.¡±

    ¡°Then why did you let me come with you?¡± I demanded. Tears sprang to my eyes now, angry instead of worried. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me no?¡± I stepped back.

    ¡°Never,¡± Vida shook her head. ¡°I¡¯d never tell someone to stay somewhere they feel broken. No, I¡¯ve had enough of that. If you want to come, love, you¡¯re more than welcome, but it¡¯s not too late to turn back if you prefer.¡±

    I looked at the hill, towards the village. My stomach twisted at the thought of going back now, back to my ordinary life and my chores and my mother¡¯s expectations.

    ¡°No,¡± I said. My hand curled into a fist, tight enough that I knew my nails would leave a mark in my palm. ¡°I¡¯m not going back.¡±

    Vida sighed and reached out. Without really thinking, I took her hand.

    ¡°I¡¯d love to be friends with you, Destiny,¡± she said softly. ¡°Maybe¨C maybe more, someday, but I don¡¯t want to risk never properly knowing you just because you¡¯re a good kisser, alright? So don¡¯t let that be the reason you stay.¡±

    I managed a weak laugh. ¡°Alright. I¨C¡±

    ¡°Yeah?¡±

    ¡°I haven¡¯t had a real friend in years,¡± I confessed. ¡°Maybe ever. No one I could ever tell¡­ the things I told you.¡± Eighteen years, and the girl I¡¯d known for a matter of days was the one I chose to tell one of my two deepest secrets. What was wrong with me?

    ¡°All mine live in this camp,¡± Vida said. She gave my hand a quick squeeze. ¡°Now come on, let¡¯s get into the wagon before Blythe comes to yell at us for holding everyone up, yeah?¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡± I squeezed her hand back.

    I had a friend.

 Dream

    Dream

    <hr>

    ¡°You¡¯re welcome to stay with us,¡± Seren said later, ¡°but we have two rules.¡± He sat down next to me at the back of the wagon, legs dangling off the edge. ¡°First and foremost, we¡¯re a pack, and that means we take care of each other and we get along. There¡¯ll be arguments, and if something upsets any of us we can talk it out and work through it. If you¡¯re upset with someone, and you can¡¯t talk it out directly with them, talk to me or Blythe. We¡¯ll always be able to find a time, and I promise we¡¯ll never leave you behind for something you tell us unless you say that¡¯s what you want. Okay?¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡± I shifted, my skirt brushing against my legs. ¡°And the other?¡±

    Seren smiled. ¡°We¡¯re a pack. That means we take care of each other, and it also means everyone is expected to contribute to the best of their abilities. Don¡¯t worry about it for a week or so, we¡¯ll be at the next town in a few days and you can see how we perform from behind the scenes. After that, you¡¯ll need to start helping in some way. You won¡¯t have to perform if you don¡¯t want to, Dream doesn¡¯t often, but you should still learn your way around our instruments and costumes.¡±

    ¡°Someone say my name?¡± A boy around my own age with dark skin and thick twists of hair appeared on my other side. ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you, Destiny.¡± He held out a hand. ¡°I¡¯m Dream. I help write our songs and plays. Gotta know what sounds you¡¯re working with to make them harmonize.¡±

    ¡°Very true,¡± Seren approved. I looked back to see him standing up. ¡°I¡¯ve got to go relieve Vida from the reins, talk to you both later.¡±

    ¡°Later.¡± Dream waved to Seren, so I did too.

    ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you,¡± I said to him, a little uncertainly.

    Dream flashed a charming white smile. ¡°Thanks. Don¡¯t worry if you forget my name, though, it took me a few days to match faces and names reliably. Try to remember by the next town, it¡¯s always easier to find who you¡¯re looking for if you know their name.¡±

    That pulled a chuckle from me. ¡°Who¡¯s everyone else?¡±

    ¡°You met Seren and Fin already,¡± Vida said, appearing where Seren had been moments ago. ¡°Which leaves¨C¡±

    ¡°Bloom, my little sister.¡± Dream nodded to a girl with a headband holding back a beautiful cloud of dark hair. She was sitting with two curly-haired boys who looked quite like Seren, one with blond hair and one with brown. They seemed to be speaking with their hands, though occasionally one of the boys would say something aloud. ¡°Fiachra and Pryderi, Fin¡¯s brothers. Violin and drums.¡±

    ¡°And Blythe.¡± Vida nodded to a woman with curly brown hair and a pale scar across her cheek. ¡°Their mother, Seren¡¯s mate.¡±

    ¡°Keys and guitar,¡± Dream noted.

    ¡°Did you all choose your names too?¡± I asked.

    Dream nodded. ¡°Back in my hometown, my father used to say I always had my head in the clouds, daydreaming and never minding my lessons. Now, I write about my dreams.¡± He smiled. ¡°Bloom¡¯s always had a green thumb, so that¡¯s what she chose, to be named for her flowers. She draws them everywhere if she can¡¯t grow them.¡±

    ¡°What about everyone else?¡±

    ¡°You¡¯ll have to ask them.¡±

    I looked at Vida. She shrugged, the movement lifting her folded wings briefly. ¡°I don¡¯t know anyone else¡¯s mind. The twins and ¡®Deri are named for stories, though, and like I told you, I named myself for my new life.¡±

    I paused, then changed the subject. ¡°Where are we going?¡±

    ¡°Wherever we please!¡± Vida scooted forward to dangle her legs off the back of the wagon. ¡°Do you see that, Destiny?¡±

    I frowned down at the ground. ¡°Uh¡­ grass?¡±

    ¡°The world,¡± she said softly. ¡°That¡¯s the whole world out there, and we can go wherever we like in it. Free as birds, we are.¡±

    ¡°So¡­¡± I looked out at the grassy hills, the world bigger than it had ever been before. Green stretched as far as I could see, a blue-gray sky overhead. ¡°Where¡¯s that?¡±

    ¡°Dhuron,¡± Blythe called over. ¡°It¡¯s not too far.¡±

    ¡°Dhuron.¡± I tasted the name. Though it was our nearest neighbor, I¡¯d never left my home¨C never been farther than just inside the woods where I met Vida. Dhuron might as well have been as far away as the Emperor¡¯s palace in Solaris. What would I see, traveling with the werewolves? Unicorns? Jackalopes? Maybe even a roc or a zaratan!

    I grinned and leaned back on my hands. ¡°I can¡¯t wait!¡±

    <hr>

    Seren stopped the wagon at the base of a nearby hill a few days of travel later. ¡°Who¡¯ll stay with the horses?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s my and Bloom¡¯s turn,¡± Fiachra said promptly. ¡°Dream and Deri stayed last time.¡±

    Seren nodded. ¡°Right then. Everyone else, find a costume and let¡¯s go in.¡±

    ¡°Costume?¡± I asked.

    ¡°We always dress up for towns,¡± Vida said. ¡°My favorite, when the weather¡¯s warm enough, is that fox one you saw before¨C girls love it. At least, the right sort.¡± She winked.

    ¡°The¡­ right sort?¡± I followed her to the chest that Fiachra had thrown open. He and Dream and Pryderi were rooting through the clothes inside eagerly. Already, fabric in every color of the rainbow lay haphazardly on the floor, along with animal masks and painted wood crowns.

    ¡°The ones who like girls.¡±

    ¡°You mean there¡¯s more?¡± My mouth fell open.

    ¡°Girls who like girls? Yeah, sure there are. I¡¯ve managed to find one most places, though not often more than one or two in a town who¡¯s ready to admit it. Not all of them are ready to act on it, but I can see it in their eyes when they look at me.¡± She pulled out the orange-brown dress. ¡°If you want to wear the fox mask, though, I can go with my butterfly.¡±

    ¡°Your butterfly?¡±

    Vida nodded and reached for the hem of her shirt, lifting it up. Heat filled my cheeks and I averted my eyes. ¡°It¡¯s the only one of my costumes where I don¡¯t need to hide my wings. They¡¯re part of it, and everyone just thinks they¡¯re well-made from fabric. I can wear more than I do with that fox costume, so it¡¯s warmer in winter, too.¡±

    ¡°What other costumes do you have?¡± I tried to look anywhere except at Vida. Was it just me, or was the air hotter than it had been? Then, Fionnuala appeared and started to change too, and suddenly I didn¡¯t have anywhere safe to look.

    ¡°Oh, lots. You¡¯ll see. Did you want to be the fox, or something else?¡±

    ¡°Me?¡± I opened my eyes, caught a glimpse of smooth tan skin and orange fabric, and shut them tighter.

    ¡°You¡¯ll be coming with us, yeah?¡±

    ¡°Stop teasing her, V,¡± Fiachra called. ¡°Destiny, you don¡¯t need to perform yet, just watch this time. Stick with Dream, be our stagehand if you like.¡±

    ¡°What does a stagehand do?¡±

    ¡°We really just pass them water and encourage people to give us money,¡± Dream said. ¡°Usually one of my jobs, I prefer to write the songs over singing them.¡±

    I turned to face his voice and opened my eyes. ¡°Then why are you dressed up?¡± I eyed his outfit: a sky-blue tunic and knee-length cape, with gray trousers and a rather lopsided crown of painted wood.

    ¡°We¡¯re putting on a bit of a play tonight,¡± he said. ¡°I¡¯m going to play the king. Also, I like dressing up.¡± He twirled, making the cape flutter, and grinned.

    ¡°A play?¡±

    A hand touched my shoulder, and I twisted around to see Vida, smiling beneath the fox mask she¡¯d worn at our second meeting. ¡°It¡¯s alright, love, you don¡¯t need to worry about performing yet. That¡¯ll come later.¡±

    ¡°Alright¡­¡± I looked down at my plain blue shirt and brown skirt. ¡°So¡­ this is good?¡±

    ¡°Yes.¡± She patted my shoulder.

    ¡°You¡¯ll be fine,¡± Dream added.

    ¡°Cool. Uh¡­ when do we leave?¡±

    ¡°Soon as Blythe is¨C there she is.¡±

    A large, dark brown wolf trotted out from around the wagon and sat down, looking up expectantly. There was a scrap of bright blue around her neck, barely visible through long, thick fur.

    ¡°She¡¯s a wolf,¡± I said.

    ¡°Observant, aren¡¯t you?¡± Seren followed her out. ¡°Sometimes we take turns playing guard dog.¡± He reached down to scratch between Blythe¡¯s ears, his hand sinking deep into her fur. She stretched up into his hand with a soft yip. ¡°As far as anyone else is concerned, she¡¯ll be my well-trained pet dog.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ why?¡± I asked.

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    He shrugged. ¡°Just for fun. Everyone ready?¡±

    A chorus of yeses answered him.

    I fell into step beside Vida as we started off. ¡°Why are we walking instead of taking the wagon closer? I¡¯ve seen performers ride into town in their wagons or on horses before.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not our style.¡± Her wings fluttered in the breeze. ¡°So. How are you liking the Cantores life so far?¡±

    ¡°Huh?¡±

    ¡°The pack is the Cantores pack, it''s not just Seren and Blythe''s surname. It''s the whole group.¡±

    ¡°Huh.¡± I wasn''t sure how I felt about that. I wasn''t a werewolf, I wasn''t quite part of the group yet. Even so, it felt nice to be included.

    ¡°It means singer,¡± Vida told me, plucking at her lute. ¡°The singing pack.¡±

    ¡°Because you¡¯re performers?¡±

    ¡°Exactly.¡±

    When we entered the town, Vida¡¯s wings folded down and vanished abruptly. I blinked and shook my head. Was I seeing things?

    She caught me staring and whispered, ¡°It¡¯s glamour.¡±

    ¡°Oh,¡± I whispered back.

    Fionnuala fell back to join us, fingers never pausing on her guitar. ¡°Hey, V. We¡¯ve already got some admirers. Want to make it a contest?¡±

    ¡°You say that every time and the answer¡¯s still no,¡± Vida replied. ¡°You¡¯ve got more options than I do, wouldn¡¯t be fair.¡±

    I didn¡¯t know how to explain the sudden drop in my spirits, the way my stomach abruptly dove to the ground.

    ¡°What about you, Destiny?¡± Fionnuala¡¯s eyes twinkled as she looked at me.

    I scratched my arm and took a half step closer to Vida. ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°Want to see which of us can pull more kisses this visit?¡±

    ¡°I, uh¡­ No thanks?¡±

    ¡°Aw. That¡¯s no fun.¡± She shook her head and spun around to blow a kiss to a young man, who smiled and waved back.

    ¡°Is it like this all the time?¡± I asked Vida.

    Vida paused in her playing, tapping her foot to the rhythm. ¡°Like what?¡±

    ¡°Do you¡­¡± I nodded at Fionnuala.

    ¡°Sure.¡± She shrugged. ¡°I mean, why not? It¡¯s fun, we¡¯re hardly here for long, and it lets me show other girls they¡¯re not alone.¡±

    Now I felt guilty for wishing she wouldn¡¯t.

    That wasn¡¯t fair. Vida wasn¡¯t mine, and I certainly wasn¡¯t the first girl she¡¯d kissed. I was only the first one to follow her home like a lovesick puppy.

    Though I am ashamed to admit it, I sulked for the rest of the day and nothing seemed to go right. My mood only grew worse when I caught sight of Vida disappearing behind a house with another woman.

    I tried to hide it, but as we walked back to the wagon a couple days later Vida came up next to me. ¡°You¡¯ve been upset. What happened?¡±

    ¡°Nothing.¡± I sped up.

    ¡°Destiny¡­¡±

    ¡°Nothing,¡± I repeated. ¡°We¡¯re not together, you made that clear, so nothing¡¯s wrong.¡±

    ¡°Oh, so that¡¯s what that is.¡± Vida reached for my hand. I pulled away, and she dropped her hand. ¡°Love, I don¡¯t want to hurt you. But if you want me to be able to help, you need to talk to me.¡± She paused, her wings fluttering in the summer breeze.

    ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I insisted, though I wasn¡¯t. I sped up again.

    Vida shook her head. ¡°Love, can I tell you something I¡¯ve not told anyone else?¡±

    That caught my interest. I slowed down again.

    Vida moved so close our arms brushed. Quietly, she said, ¡°When I first joined the pack I had a crush on Blythe.¡±

    ¡°What?!¡± It came out an undignified squawk. I cast a glance ahead at where Blythe led the way down the path and lowered my voice. ¡°She¡¯s old enough to be my mom and you¡¯re barely older than me!¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s also absolutely gorgeous, confident, strong, fierce, and she and Seren were the first people who ever actually saw me.¡± Vida¡¯s tone was full of admiration and longing, her gaze wistful and not really looking at anything. ¡°Honestly, I don¡¯t know if she ever realized, but she was a safe person to love. She¡¯d never hurt me if she knew, nor take advantage of me. Blythe and Seren accepted me just as I was and I¡­¡± She stopped walking and took my hands. ¡°I¡¯m a little worried you¡¯re doing the same thing with me. Loving me only because I¡¯m the first person you met who wouldn¡¯t hurt you for it.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not!¡± I protested. I wasn¡¯t, that wasn¡¯t even¨C

    Was I?

    ¡°Then you¡¯ll be happier if we¡¯re friends first and foremost.¡± Vida touched my nose with a sudden smile. ¡°And as your best friend, you know what I think we should do?¡±

    ¡°What?¡± Best friend?

    ¡°Hold your hands over your head.¡±

    Slowly, I lifted my arms up. ¡°You¡¯re not going to tickle me, are you?¡±

    ¡°Nope.¡± The next moment, she was airborne, catching my hands. I shrieked, first in surprise, then with delight as my feet lifted off the ground and skimmed over the grass.

    ¡°Vida!¡± Seren called. ¡°We only just left the human village!¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re far enough, let them have some fun,¡± Blythe said.

    And then, quite suddenly, there was a huge wolf on either side of me, keeping pace. I yelped and tried to squirm away, attempting to kick my feet out of their reach. Something¨C my magic¨C twisted inside me, and I couldn¡¯t breathe for fear of letting it out. Then I bit my tongue, tasted blood, and I could breathe again.

    ¡°Love, you¡¯ll fall!¡± Vida reprimanded me. ¡°It¡¯s only Fin and Deri.¡±

    It what? I took another look. Below me, the golden wolf gave me Fionnuala¡¯s grin, tongue lolling out of her mouth as she loped along by my feet.

    ¡°But they¡¯re wolves!¡±

    ¡°Well, yeah. Werewolves, love, you just saw Blythe shifted earlier.¡± She rose a little higher, lifting me farther off the ground. ¡°Want to see if we can make it over the wagon?¡±

    ¡°I¨C sure!¡± Mother would have objected, but I wasn¡¯t wearing a skirt and she wasn¡¯t here, I could do what I wanted!

    I looked up to see Vida¡¯s arms flex as she slowly pulled me up, up, up. We flew towards the wagon, then, abruptly, her wingbeats faltered. ¡°Oh no¨C¡±

    We tumbled over and crashed into the wagon headlong. I landed on my back, while Vida somehow managed to remain on her feet, albeit bent over and panting.

    ¡°Are¡­ are you okay?¡± I sat up, not much hurt at all.

    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m fine, you¡¯re just a touch heavier than my lute.¡± She collapsed onto a costume chest, folding her wings and bracing her hands on her knees. ¡°Faerie wings aren¡¯t exactly made for strength, and neither are my arms.¡±

    ¡°Sorry.¡± I got up and went over to her, sat down next to her.

    ¡°It was my idea, love.¡± She looked up at me with a wry smile that made my heart beat faster. ¡°And it was fun.¡±

    I wanted to kiss her again. I started to lean in, then froze. I couldn¡¯t. She¡¯d said¨C not like this.

    Vida smiled at me, apparently oblivious to the direction my thoughts had taken. ¡°Let¡¯s go help with dinner, yeah?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll do the dishes again,¡± I volunteered, glad for the excuse to be alone later. In the five years since discovering my magic, I¡¯d learned it was very good for doing the dishes with¨C on the rare days it didn¡¯t feel like touching it would overwhelm me or like it was a struggle to summon anything. Today was one of the good days, I could feel it.

    ¡°I won¡¯t complain,¡± laughed Vida, holding up her hands. ¡°See you later, love.¡±

    ¡°See you later,¡± I echoed.

    Blessed Light, but I was in love.

    <hr>

    ¡°I think I want to learn the guitar first,¡± I told Vida. It was our turn to stay with the wagon and watch over it and the horses, who were picketed and grazing nearby. That meant we were alone, and I didn¡¯t want to waste a moment. ¡°Fin said I can use hers if you¡¯re teaching me, she¡¯s playing the¨C uh¡­¡± I¡¯d forgotten the name.

    ¡°Crwth?¡± Vida asked, closing her book.

    ¡°Yes. That one.¡±

    ¡°Sure, I¡¯ll teach you. Do you know where it is?¡±

    ¡°Fin showed me!¡± I grabbed the edge of the wagon and jumped in. Over on the wall was Fionnuala¡¯s guitar. Most of the instruments and tools in the Cantores collection were shared between the group, but everyone had something special to them. Fin¡¯s was a beautifully made guitar that had been a birthday present, and she made sure to keep it clean and in good condition. She had first choice of using it, and often did, but she wasn¡¯t stingy about others using it. I only knew it was hers because her name circled the neck in tiny, perfect letters.

    I undid the clasps on the case and lifted the guitar out to settle it on my lap.

    ¡°Other way, love.¡± I smelled roses as Vida settled behind me, her skirt rustling. ¡°Flip it over, Fin¡¯s left-handed. We could restring it, but we¡¯d have to tune it after, and then switch it back and tune it again before she gets back, and that¡¯d take too much time.¡±

    ¡°I could just use the other one¨C¡±

    ¡°Blythe¡¯s using it tonight.¡± She patted my shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it, you¡¯ll just start off playing backwards. Now, put your left hand here, near the base of the strings¨C¡± She scooted over, taking my right hand. ¡°And your right up here. Left hand has the easy job, just picking at the strings same as I do with my lute.¡± Her right hand wrapped over my right hand, her fingers strong and sure as they moved mine up the neck of the guitar. ¡°Press here as you¡¯re playing, it¡¯s called fretting. Keep strumming, that hand has the easy job, remember. Now¡­¡±

    Focusing on learning was difficult, with Vida¡¯s body against my back, and her hair falling over my shoulder, and her fingers guiding mine. There was too much else to focus on to think about the music. The way she smelled, her hand on mine, her breath on my ear¡­ Light, it was too much!

    It took a long time to play a simple tune, and when I finally managed it was soft and sweet, the notes floating out into the night. I leaned back into Vida and felt her breath hot on my ear as she yawned. ¡°That¡¯s enough for tonight, I think, don¡¯t you?¡±

    I didn¡¯t want the lesson to be over, because it would mean she¡¯d no longer be so close. ¡°But I¡¯ve only just got it.¡±

    ¡°Better to quit while we¡¯re ahead, end on a good note.¡± She gently took my fingers off the strings. ¡°You¡¯ve made wonderful progress, Destiny. We¡¯ll work on it more tomorrow.¡±

    Tomorrow! I waited to stand until after she did, and took the guitar back to its case. ¡°I¡¯m looking forward to it,¡± I told the case, focusing on the clasps to hide my smile.

    I¡¯d barely gotten it put away when a sharp gasp from Vida had me spinning around. ¡°What? What is it?¡±

    ¡°Come here, Destiny, quickly!¡± she whispered.

    ¡°What is it?¡± I hurried over.

    Wordlessly, Vida pointed out into the dimming evening.

    I squinted, but couldn¡¯t see anything, until something moved. My mouth snapped shut and I tilted my head, trying to see better.

    There at the edge of the trees was a deer. No¨C two¨C three. And¨C oh, those weren¡¯t deer¡­

    ¡°They¡¯re perytons,¡± Vida whispered. ¡°Aren¡¯t they pretty?¡±

    ¡°They¡¯ve got wings.¡± I scooted closer to the edge of the wagon, entranced. I caught a flicker of white as one peryton dipped its head back to the grass. Another one ruffled its wings. ¡°Like you¡­ Do sprites keep pet perytons?¡± I¡¯d heard stories of tame perytons, though not many.

    ¡°Most sprites don¡¯t have a death wish, love. They¡¯re pretty from here, but they¡¯re territorial little beasts. Last sprite who tried taming one got killed by it.¡±

    ¡°...Oh.¡± They didn¡¯t seem so wonderful now.

    The biggest peryton lifted its head, turning to look towards us. Light glinted off its eyes, and I shivered. ¡°W-will it hurt the horses?¡±

    ¡°Horses aren¡¯t a threat. We are.¡± Vida patted my shoulder. ¡°They don¡¯t tend to initiate, they¡¯ll only attack if we get too close and threaten them. From here, all they are is pretty.¡±

    I watched the big peryton go back to grazing, and kept watching as the light grew dimmer. In a sudden flurry of motion I could barely see, all three took wing and vanished through the trees.

 Shani

    Shani

    <hr>

    As the summer cooled into autumn, it got easier to manage my feelings. I still loved Vida, still longed to kiss her again, but something else grew too. It wasn¡¯t just that I was in love with her, though I certainly still was, but as I grew to know her better I more and more couldn¡¯t imagine a life without her in it. How had I ever lived a life without her smile? Without her music? Without her as my friend?

    She still flirted in every town we visited. There was a pattern to it. She¡¯d choose a girl who seemed interested and spend time with her, then at some point they¡¯d disappear and Vida would return with her makeup smudged and her cheeks flushed. Sometimes she¡¯d deviate from the pattern, but more often than not I could predict what would happen.

    I didn¡¯t like it. I went to bed early on those nights so I wouldn¡¯t have to watch her return or hear her talking to the twins and Dream about their respective adventures. Later, she¡¯d slip into the tent we shared with Fin and Bloom and I¡¯d pretend to be asleep.

    One night, I really was asleep. The next morning I woke up to a note on my pillow written in practiced cursive: Are you avoiding me?

    I sighed and sat up. Vida was still inside the tent, reading a book whose cover bore a colorful picture of a firebird soaring over a forest. She looked up, marking her place with a finger.

    ¡°I¡¯m not avoiding you.¡± The words sounded hollow even to my own ears.

    ¡°Not all the time, but don¡¯t think I haven¡¯t noticed the pattern.¡±

    I pulled my knees to my chest. ¡°Sorry.¡±

    ¡°Love¡­¡± I heard the rustle of fabric and then she was kneeling next to me, the scent of roses and honey surrounding me. ¡°Why? Are you¨C are you jealous?¡±

    My cheeks burned and I buried my face between my knees. ¡°No. I¡¯m just¨C it¡¯s only¨C¡± I didn¡¯t know how to deny it.

    ¡°What if we find you someone to kiss tonight?¡± she suggested. ¡°To put us on more even footing, and so I¡¯m not your only one.¡±

    Maybe that would be better. Vida wasn¡¯t mine in any way, but I hadn¡¯t been able to stop feeling hurt when I knew she was with someone else. Maybe finding someone else who wanted me the way she had that night would help, maybe knowing what she and Fin enjoyed about it would ease the tight knot of hurt and anger. I nodded. ¡°Okay.¡±

    So that evening, instead of looking for a girl who showed interest in her, Vida was by my side as she played her lute. I sang along, enjoying the sound of our voices in harmony, as I played a simple background melody on the second guitar. That was still all I could do with my left hand, and even less with my right.

    ¡°Don¡¯t look now, but the girl with the braids over near the inn is watching you,¡± Vida whispered between songs. ¡°Smile and wave in her direction when we start the next song, try to make eye contact. Soft smile or flirty smirk.¡±

    I chose the soft smile, accompanied by a wave before my hand went back to the strings. The girl broke eye contact after barely a second, a smile flickering over her lips as she tucked a loose piece of hair back behind her ear.

    ¡°Find her at the end of the set,¡± Vida whispered. ¡°Talk to her, flirt a bit, and if she seems interested try and get her to go off with you somewhere.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know how to flirt!¡±

    ¡°Compliment her eyes or her hair. Girls like that.¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t,¡± I mumbled. ¡°You just touched my cheek and said you wanted to kiss me.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m also better at this than you are, the tone and the knowing when someone¡¯s interested in me. Baby steps, love.¡± Vida strummed a chord on her lute and spun over to Fiachra for the chorus. Their voices rose together, alternating lines seamlessly. Fionnuala caught me staring and rolled her eyes, jerking her head at her brother and Vida.

    I looked away, back at the girl with braids, and my voice faltered mid-note. She gave me a shy smile.

    After the set, as night fell and Seren and Fin went inside hoping to negotiate a better price for the second night at the inn, I learned six things in quick succession.

    First, the girl wasn¡¯t as shy as she¡¯d seemed.

    Second, her name was Shani. She whispered the introduction as she pulled me into the inn¡¯s stable and then into a stall full of sweet-smelling hay. I whispered my name back, but I couldn¡¯t tell if she heard me.

    Third, she was remarkably enthusiastic and not at all apprehensive about kissing a girl.

    Fourth, she was a good kisser. Between kisses her hand found its way into my curls, cupping my head to hold me closer. I did my best to reciprocate, kissing her nose and jaw whenever she pulled back for breath. Judging by her little breathy gasps, she enjoyed that.

    Fifth, the girl Vida had kissed was Shani¡¯s best friend. She told me that with a laugh as we sat together in the hay, our fingers interlaced.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t think she loved girls,¡± she confided to me. ¡°I knew there were others, but I didn¡¯t think Rodi was one of them until I saw her go off with your friend last night. It¡¯s no wonder we always got along so well!¡±

    I giggled and squeezed her hand. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯ve got that in common with her, and with me.¡±

    Shani leaned over to kiss my cheek again. ¡°You¡¯re going to leave tomorrow, right? Will I ever see you again?¡±

    I didn¡¯t know how often the pack returned to the same places. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I hope so.¡±

    ¡°I hope so too.¡± Her mouth brushed over mine. ¡°I love you, Destiny.¡±

    And sixth: I loved Vida. Kissing another girl felt disloyal even though she''d encouraged me to.

    I pulled back, the pounding of my heart somehow making the hay in my bra prickle more. I couldn¡¯t keep this going. ¡°Shani, I¨C I¡¯m sorry, I have to go. I can¡¯t stay.¡±

    Her lips pulled down into a pout. ¡°Alright. If there¡¯s time, will you kiss me goodbye tomorrow?¡±

    I nodded. ¡°If there¡¯s time.¡±

    <hr>

    There was time, but only barely, for a quick kiss goodbye behind a house where no one could see us. Shani promised always to remember me. I promised her the same. I meant it.

    Sitting on the wagon next to Vida, I watched Shani grow smaller and smaller, until we crested a hill and she was gone.

    ¡°Is it always like this?¡± I asked softly.

    ¡°Like what?¡± Vida asked.

    I leaned on my right hand, placing my left over my heart. ¡°It hurts.¡±

    ¡°Yeah.¡±

    I turned to look at Vida. She was leaning back on her hands, staring off into the distance. She wore a careless smirk, but it was distant, and there was something sad about the angle of her wings.

    I didn¡¯t push. This time, I thought I understood. I set my hand on the boards near hers without looking down.

    A moment passed, then her hand folded around mine and squeezed.

    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry for being upset,¡± I murmured, still not looking at her. ¡°It felt like you chose me and then rejected me. I think, maybe, I understand a little better.¡± If Shani had decided to come with us, I didn¡¯t know what I¡¯d do. I didn¡¯t want to be with her the way I did with Vida.

    And if that¡¯s how she felt about me¡­

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry for making you feel that way.¡± Vida matched my volume. ¡°I never meant to hurt you.¡±

    ¡°I still love you,¡± I confessed. ¡°More than I did the night you kissed me. I want to be friends first, I really do, but¡­ I thought you should know.¡± Please don¡¯t be angry.

    Her voice was barely above a whisper now, tone unreadable. ¡°Thank you for telling me.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not going to be upset anymore.¡± I couldn¡¯t seem to stop talking. ¡°When you stay out with girls. And I¡¯ll stop avoiding you. Just¡­ don¡¯t talk about it with me there, please? I, I don¡¯t think I¡¯m ready for that.¡±

    ¡°Alright.¡± I felt her wing brush my back, then her shoulder brush against mine. ¡°I can manage that.¡±

    A hand touched my other shoulder and Fionnuala sat down next to me, and suddenly the world was bigger than just my conversation with Vida. ¡°Hey, Destiny. Vida, Da wants to talk to you about the performance.¡±

    Vida nodded and stood gracefully.

    ¡°Wait, why?¡± I twisted to look after her as she threaded her way to the front of the wagon where Dream already sat next to Seren. ¡°Is something wrong?¡±

    ¡°Nah,¡± Fionnuala laughed. ¡°Vida and Dream and Da write the songs, he just wants to talk shop while it¡¯s his turn driving the horses.¡±

    ¡°Oh yeah.¡± I shifted back to a more comfortable position, drawing my knees up to my chest.

    ¡°Heard you kissed a girl last night,¡± she said conversationally. ¡°How was it?¡±

    My cheeks heated at the memory of Shani¡¯s lips on mine, and the more distant memory of Vida¡¯s kiss. ¡°Uh¡­ Good, I guess. It was nice. She was nice.¡± I buried my face between my knees.

    ¡°Only nice? Don¡¯t you want to talk about it more? Vida always does.¡±

    ¡°Well, I¡¯m not Vida.¡± I shifted away, turning my back to her. ¡°Do you do this everywhere? Kiss someone in every town you visit? How can you stand it?¡±

    Her hand touched my shoulder lightly. ¡°Only some of them. We all see it differently, I guess¨C for me and Fia, we always made friends easily, and then the kissing started as a way to experiment and gain experience without risking too much. Nobody really expects more than a day or two with a traveling musician.¡± She laughed. ¡°I remember my first kiss still, we must have bumped noses a hundred times. We stayed two more days and he didn¡¯t talk to me again after that attempt. Bruised pride, Da said.¡±

    ¡°Oh. I¡­ I¡¯m sorry,¡± I offered.

    Fin waved that off. ¡°Ah, don¡¯t be. This is about you and Vida. I wanted to tell you¡­¡± She paused, checked over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening. No one was; Vida was deep in conversation with Seren and Dream, while Pryderi and Bloom were reading and Fia and Blythe had gone out to hunt. Softer, Fin said, ¡°I think Vida¡¯s always trying to run away. I¡¯ve watched her with her trysts over and over again, she has a knack for choosing ones who want her, but it never lasts. When we go back to someplace she met someone, they¡¯ve always moved on. Sometimes they barely remember her. The first time, she cried on my shoulder over it, but after that it never seemed to bother her.¡±

    I managed a shaky breath. ¡°I don¡¯t understand. Then why wouldn¡¯t she want me?¡± I could hear the hint of a whine in my voice and I hated it.

    ¡°She¡¯s scared,¡± Fionnuala said frankly. ¡°Her heart¡¯s been broken before and she¡¯s scared to let it happen again.¡±

    Scared? Vida? ¡°She never said¡­¡±

    ¡°Da thinks that she doesn¡¯t know how to live without a mask, so when she left the court she made her own. It¡¯s not you, okay?¡± She put a hand on my knee. ¡°Okay, Destiny?¡±

    I leaned on her. Beneath the wagon, the dirt road turned to muddy gravel. ¡°Okay.¡±

    <hr>

    When we stopped that evening to set up camp in a copse of trees, I helped Bloom with our tent and then went to find Vida. She was sitting in the wagon with a notepad and pencil, scratching out notes and mumbling to herself. I dropped to the ground and crawled underneath the wagon until I could reach out and poke her foot. ¡°Hey.¡±

    She screamed and jerked her foot away. I heard the fluttering of her wings before she landed on the boards again. ¡°Destiny!¡±

    I popped out, grinning apologetically. ¡°Sorry.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not,¡± she accused, lips twitching. ¡°Look, I¡¯ve gone and half ruined the page.¡±

    Brushing bits of dead grass from my pants, I stood. ¡°I wanted to show you something. Come with me?¡± I held out my hand, trying for a winning smile.

    ¡°Oh, after you just tried scaring my wings off?¡± She stepped off the edge of the wagon and drifted down to the grass as light as a butterfly. ¡°Love, I really do need to get this line figured out.¡±

    I glanced at the notebook where she¡¯d scribbled something about flying free. ¡°It might help. Please?¡± I widened my eyes and clasped my hands under my chin.

    Vida shook her head with a smile and took my hand. I grinned and tugged her past the tents, away from the fire Seren and Fiachra had going, and sat down on the grass. I could feel the cold earth through my pants; winter was coming fast.

    I didn¡¯t know what we¡¯d do when it got truly cold. Winters where I was from never got dangerously cold, although I¡¯d heard of places where it got so cold people could die from it, and we¡¯d been traveling northward. But growing up, sometimes it¡¯d get cold enough that even inside my mother¡¯s house I spent the first weeks hunting down every blanket and scrap of warm clothing we owned. If it got that cold here, now¡­

    ¡­I hadn¡¯t even brought any winter clothes when I ran away.

    ¡°What did you want to show me, love?¡± Vida sat next to me, crossing her legs under her skirt.

    I pointed at the sky, where a handful of stars glittered against darkening blue. ¡°Aren¡¯t they pretty?¡±

    ¡°Ye-es¡­¡± She sounded puzzled. ¡°They¡¯re there every night.¡±

    ¡°Do sprites have stories about the stars?¡±

    Vida shook her head. ¡°Why, what are yours?¡±

    Trying not to think about the cold, I traced the same pattern I did every night that I was out past dark¨C which, until recently, wasn¡¯t many. ¡°See those two? That bright one there is Vasistha, and next to him is his wife Arundhati. He was a sage, and she was the daughter of a different sage and¡­¡± I couldn¡¯t quite remember the story the way my mother told it when I was small. ¡°They fell in love and got married, and the legend says they never died but turned into stars instead because of how pure their love was. Mother always said she was the closest thing to a perfect woman that ever walked the earth, and I should always try to be like her.¡±

    She¡¯d stopped saying that around the same time I had to leave school. I hadn¡¯t heard the story since.

    ¡°That¡¯s beautiful,¡± Vida murmured. Her head came down to rest on my shoulder. ¡°What do you think of the line A love pure as starlight shines brightest at night?¡±

    My heart beat faster. ¡°I love it. Is it for a new song?¡±

    She nodded, the point of her ear brushing my neck. ¡°Seren thinks we need at least five new songs by the new year. Dream thinks that¡¯s overkill.¡±

    ¡°And what do you think?¡± I didn¡¯t quite dare to stroke her curls, though I could feel an errant one tickle my side.

    ¡°I think one of mine is going to be about Arundhati and Vasistha.¡± Vida yawned. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind that.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯d love that,¡± I murmured. My heart felt full to bursting, but with no other way to express it I just rested my head against Vida¡¯s. We stayed like that for several minutes, watching the stars together before the cold forced us into our separate bedrolls.

    <hr>

    It wasn¡¯t but a handful of nights later that Vida pulled me from my bedroll almost as soon as I¡¯d lain down, her eyes shining with delight. ¡°Come on, Des, it¡¯s cold.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡± I pointed at my bedroll. ¡°And my blankets will be warm soon.¡±

    Bloom passed by me, carrying her spare blankets, her eyes sparkling. She caught my confused gaze and jerked her head towards the wagon.

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°Grab your blankets, love.¡± Vida scooped them up and pushed them into my hands, along with her own. ¡°When it gets cold, we all sleep in the wagon and call it cuddle pile night. It¡¯s a werewolf thing, and it¡¯s much warmer that way.¡± She shrugged. ¡°You don¡¯t really have to, but you¡¯ll be colder if you don¡¯t, and Seren will worry so much he won¡¯t sleep.¡±

    ¡°Well, if it¡¯ll worry Seren, I¡¯d better not.¡± I gestured at the tent flap as grandly as I could with an armful of blanket. ¡°After you. Why did we bother setting up the tent?¡±

    ¡°It was sort of an impromptu decision.¡± Vida ducked out and held the flap for me. ¡°They don¡¯t plan it, it¡¯s just when it gets cold.¡±

    ¡°I see.¡± I looked at the pile of wolves already in the wagon, flopped haphazardly over and around each other, and at Bloom and Dream climbing in to join them. ¡°How does it work?¡±

    Vida pulled a blanket from my arms and wrapped it over her wings like a cape. ¡°Crawl in wherever you feel comfortable. Keep your face on the outside or all your air will smell like wolf, ask me how I know.¡±

    ¡°It happened to you?¡±

    ¡°Oh, too many times.¡± She shook her head and pulled herself into the wagon. ¡°It¡¯s worth it, for how warm it is, and they¡¯re all careful of my wings.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡± I eyed the pile of fur, uncertain how to ¡®crawl in.¡¯ Then a golden eye cracked open and its owner¨C dark gold, so it was Fionnuala¨C shifted to make space. ¡°Thanks,¡± I whispered. ¡°Can I use you as a pillow?¡±

    Her head lifted to look up at me and she let out a soft yip.

    ¡°Is that a yes?¡±

    She dropped her head back to her paws and thumped her tail once. It smacked brown-furred Pryderi in the nose. He didn¡¯t react, apparently sound asleep.

    ¡°It¡¯s a yes,¡± Vida confirmed.

    ¡°Thank you,¡± I said to both of them, and wriggled in beside Fin. She made a pretty comfortable pillow. I pulled the blanket up to my chin as my feet got buried under another wolf. I was half asleep when an arm wrapped over my waist and a familiar honey-rose scent wafted over me.

    ¡°Hope you don¡¯t mind,¡± Vida mumbled in my ear, sounding more than half asleep.

    I snuggled into her and fell asleep with a smile on my lips.

 Bonus scene: Isobel

    Isobel

    <hr>

    ¡°What if we find you someone to kiss tonight?¡± Vida suggested. Since she left home, she¡¯d thrown herself into romance and music in an attempt to forget her. Music didn¡¯t always work as well as she¡¯d hoped, since she seemed to work herself into every song. Romance tended to work better; if she was with a girl she was fully with her, each kiss belonging solely to Cara, Aurinia, Carmen, Ellen, Leah, Megan, Amirah, Eloise¨C she remembered all their names, though after long enough the faces started to blur.

    It could work for Destiny, too. Enough kisses, and she¡¯d forget her love for Vida, or she¡¯d learn how to push it down like Vida herself had.

    She saw the way Destiny looked at her when she suggested it. A flash of heartbreak in her eyes, and then she agreed.

    Vida regretted it the moment Destiny slipped away into the shadows with one of the girls who¡¯d come to watch their set, and for once, Vida was left alone in the street. With nothing to do and no one to love, she started walking.

    How was Destiny faring in her tryst? The girl was definitely into girls, Vida was quite certain of that. The way she¡¯d looked at Destiny, Vida would have known even if she hadn¡¯t been gifted with a nearly impeccable sense for it. So that was no danger.

    Maybe the girl wasn¡¯t impressed by Destiny¡¯s inexperience. Or maybe she was naive too, and the two of them were fumbling their way through a handful of kisses.

    Vida kicked a loose cobblestone. Ugh! Now she had Destiny on her mind instead of Isobel.

    Suddenly sick of the constrictions of a human town, Vida took off running. The people still on the streets watched her, some stepping out of her way, others scowling.

    ¡°Girl,¡± one started, raising a hand as if to stop her.

    Vida dodged him, her wings straining against the glamour binding them to her back. Not much longer¨C

    She made it to a field of tall corn and let the glamour fall. Her wings sprang free from the cobwebby magic and oh, she could breathe again. Relaxing, Vida began to walk through the plants taller than she was. No flying, not this near to the town, not until it was fully dark, and by then she¡¯d be inside. Part and parcel of being a sunlight faerie was that Vida hated full darkness.

    Ironic, that.

    ¡°I don¡¯t even know what I¡¯m doing,¡± she told the plants. ¡°I should be back there, off behind a house with Rodi again.¡± Rodi, the girl Vida had spent yesterday evening wooing. Vida could almost feel those thick curls between her fingers again, the sensation of Rodi¡¯s fingers on her skin.

    She moaned and slid to the ground, uncaring of the cornsilk dirtying her dress. ¡°Why are girls so difficult?¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re making it difficult for yourself.¡±

    Vida shrieked and jumped to her feet, her wings flapping against cornstalks. ¡°Fiachra! Don¡¯t sneak up on me!¡±

    Fia shifted his weight to one foot, pushed his bangs out of his face, and grinned apologetically. ¡°You seemed a bit¡­ distracted. Wanna talk about it?¡±

    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

    Vida tipped her head up. The clouds above glowed red and gold, the last blaze of sunshine bidding her farewell. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not sure.¡±

    ¡°Girl trouble?¡± Fia pushed his bangs back again. ¡°Not that cute girl you went off with last night, is it?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s me trouble, Fia. I¡¯m the girl.¡±

    One furred ear twitched to the side as Fia tilted his head, a picture of confusion. ¡°So¡­ you need me to give someone else advice about winning you over?¡±

    Despite herself, Vida laughed. Fiachra always knew how to bring her out of her worries. ¡°No, I¡¯m just¡­ not really sure what¡¯s wrong.¡±

    Shading his eyes, Fiachra made a show of examining the sky. ¡°Hmm, is it that phase of the moon?¡±

    Vida swatted his arm. ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Then¡­?¡± Fiachra¡¯s ears pricked up. ¡°Is it Destiny? She¡¯s off with some girl, is it the same one from¨C¡±

    ¡°No!¡± Vida pressed one hand over her ear, feeling the tip heat far too much. ¡°Rodi¡¯s¨C I wouldn¡¯t do that to her. And neither would Destiny.¡±

    ¡°So, is it Destiny, then?¡± Fia asked, almost too casually.

    No, not almost. Vida narrowed her eyes at him. He returned her gaze with an open, angelic smile, but his flicking tail betrayed his delight.

    ¡°Maybe,¡± she said grudgingly. ¡°It¡¯s silly.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re regretting sending her off with that girl.¡± Fia¡¯s eyes glittered.

    Lying wasn¡¯t something faeries could do, even to themselves. Not if they knew the truth. And now that Fia had said it, the idea had the resonance of truth in Vida¡¯s chest.

    ¡°Yes,¡± she admitted. ¡°But I¡¯m not going to say anything.¡±

    ¡°Why not?¡±

    Vida looked up into the twilight. There was the moon, a sliver of a crescent. ¡°She deserves better.¡±

    An arm around her shoulders made her tense. ¡°Now, that¡¯s no way to talk about my sister,¡± Fia chided. ¡°I happen to know she¡¯s kind, caring, and every girl who¡¯s met her feels lucky for it.¡±

    ¡°But I leave them all.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s the experience of it, V. You¡¯ve said it yourself, it helps them know they¡¯re not alone.¡± He patted her shoulder. ¡°And neither are you.¡±

    Vida swallowed past the lump in her throat. ¡°Thanks, Fia. But there are too many problems. She doesn¡¯t love me¨C¡±

    ¡°Respectfully, bullshit.¡±

    She elbowed him. ¡°She only thinks she does because she was lonely. Gods, what was I thinking letting her come? And even if she did it¡¯s too soon, we can¡¯t try anything yet.¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t let her come,¡± Fia pointed out. ¡°Mum did. Just like she let you come, and Dream and Bloom. And you know Dream and I were off and on from the first week until we settled in.¡±

    ¡°Agh, don¡¯t remind me. Every other week you¡¯d be fighting about some slight or another, and kissing over it that night.¡±

    ¡°Yup,¡± Fia agreed cheerfully. ¡°The point is, you need to work through whatever this is, and I¡¯m here if you need to talk anything out, but I¡¯ve seen the way Destiny looks at you and it¡¯s the same look Dream gives me. Sleep on it.¡± He patted her shoulder again and turned towards the town. ¡°Coming?¡±

    ¡°They¡¯ll all think we were kissing.¡± She picked her way through the corn, crafting a new glamour around her wings and ears.

    ¡°Since when do you care?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t like it.¡± It was undeniably more dangerous to be known as a girl who liked girls, but the idea of being thought to be in a relationship with a man made Vida¡¯s wings itch.

    ¡°You could always proclaim your preferences. I''m sure that won''t end badly in any way.¡±

    ¡°You ass.¡±

    Fiachra blew her a kiss. ¡°Race you back?¡±

    ¡°I''m not stupid, wolf.¡± Vida slowed, forcing him to slow to keep pace with her.

    The moment they were free of the corn, she took a breath and launched into a sprint. Her wings protested, straining against the glamour pinning them to her back¨C they wanted to fly!

    ¡°You just said no!¡±

    ¡°Said¡­ I''m not¡­ stupid.¡±

    She could hear the eye roll in Fiachra''s sigh.

 Jehan

    Jehan

    <hr>

    The day of the winter solstice, we performed in a town called Haute. It was the biggest place I¡¯d been to yet, with a town square nearly as big as my entire village, and a three-story inn that could have held fifty people at least.

    ¡°It¡¯s a glad thing you¡¯re here,¡± a blonde woman told us earnestly on the second day. ¡°We¡¯ve been in sore need of entertainment of late.¡±

    ¡°Oh?¡± Blythe asked. She had her hair bound up in a high braid with tinsel woven through it, glitter gold paint shading her eyes and enhancing their emerald color. ¡°Why, did something happen?¡±

    ¡°Only young Jehan, the mayor¡¯s son¡­¡± The woman paused, looking like she wanted to say more. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t say¡­.¡±

    ¡°Was it the bandits?¡± Blythe sounded worried, though I didn¡¯t know why. She¡¯d expressed often enough that we didn¡¯t need to worry, she and Seren could fight off any bandits that the Emperor¡¯s Lightguards missed. ¡°We heard rumors at the last town we stopped at, though we haven¡¯t encountered any, thank the Light.¡±

    Now that was a lie. No one had said a word about bandits til now.

    ¡°Oh, no, nothing like that!¡± The woman shook her head. ¡°Only¡­¡± She glanced one way, then the other, and leaned in to inform Blythe, ¡°He was using forbidden magic. And we all thought he was such a sweet boy, too¡­¡±

    My mouth was suddenly bone-dry. There was a bottle of water in my pack, but I couldn¡¯t make myself reach for it. Cold wind trickled down the back of my neck, making my hair stand on end. I shivered and pulled my coat tighter around myself.

    ¡°Forbidden how?¡± Blythe wrinkled her nose, the picture of confusion. ¡°Surely a mayor¡¯s son is allowed to study a bit of witchcraft. Was it necromancy?¡±

    Necromancy was fully forbidden, while witchcraft was permitted, if you were upper class and had a license. Most magic was only permitted if you had a license. Even shifters were supposed to, though Blythe had told me there was no way of enforcing that, since most types of shifters could do it instinctively from birth. But all I knew about necromancy was that it was the power to raise and control the dead, it was illegal, no exceptions, and necromancers were branded and their magic bound as soon as they were discovered.

    ¡°Not necromancy, nor witchcraft. Something¡­ different. Not like any magic we¡¯ve seen.¡± The woman shook her head. ¡°Ah, but the Lightguards said they¡¯d help him with it, the Emperor would sort it out. He wasn¡¯t right, when he left with them, the captain said it was something about that type of magic, it gets to a person and makes them wrong inside, but the Emperor, bless him, can help. Still, such a shame it happened to him. Such a good boy.¡±

    I was going to be sick.

    ¡°Blythe?¡± My voice wobbled, nearly as shaky as my knees. ¡°I¡¯m not feeling well.¡±

    She glanced at me, sharp and sudden. ¡°Oh, Destiny, I warned you not to taste that mushroom last night. Maybe next time you¡¯ll listen, hm?¡±

    There¡¯d been no mushroom. I nodded and croaked, ¡°I will, promise. Sorry.¡±

    ¡°Can you find our rooms at the inn by yourself, or do you need help?¡±

    ¡°I can manage.¡± I clenched and relaxed my fingers on the strap of my bag, struggling to breathe normally through the panic rising in my body. ¡°Th-thanks.¡±

    Blythe nodded. ¡°Go on then, off with you. Sleep it off.¡± Turning back to the woman, she said in a resigned tone, ¡°Teenagers! Almost as bad as toddlers, they are.¡±

    ¡°Oh, tell me about it, I have two!¡±

    The sounds of their chatter faded as I hurried back to the inn. I didn¡¯t go inside, and only just managed to make it around the back before throwing up into the grass.

    Different. Strange. Forbidden.

    It gets to a person and makes them wrong inside. Was that why I was the way I was? Was my magic the reason I loved girls? Had it broken me before I¡¯d known better?

    I didn¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t know!

    I pulled out my water bottle and rinsed out my mouth, leaning against the wall. When the world stopped spinning around me, I made my way back to the front of the inn and slipped in, going quietly up to one of the rooms Blythe had already paid for.

    I didn¡¯t think I¡¯d be able to sleep with the churning in my stomach, but when I opened my eyes the light from the window was gone and Vida was undressing by candlelight. Her makeup was gone, her hair down, and in the flickering light I caught a glimpse of green on her back before it was gone beneath the glamour again.

    I must have made a noise, because she turned abruptly as she pulled her nightgown over her head. ¡°Love?¡±

    My words caught in my throat before I managed, ¡°Yeah?¡±

    Vida fluffed her skirt and sat on the bed next to me, making it dip under her weight. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? You had to go pretty suddenly.¡±

    ¡°I wasn¡¯t feeling well¡­¡±

    ¡°Blythe lied for you, Des. Do you want to talk about the real reason?¡±

    I didn¡¯t think Vida would tell anyone, but I didn¡¯t want her thinking the only reason I cared about her was because there was something deeply wrong with me. I shook my head.

    ¡°Okay.¡± I felt more than saw her lean over, then soft lips brushed my forehead and I couldn¡¯t move. ¡°I¡¯ll be here if you change your mind. In the meantime¡­ Fin had some words for me tonight, did you know she was planning to talk to me?¡±

    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.

    I shook my head again. ¡°What about?¡±

    She touched my nose. ¡°You, love.¡±

    ¡°Me?¡±

    ¡°Yes, you.¡±

    ¡°Nothing bad, I hope.¡± I managed a wry smile.

    ¡°Nothing like that.¡± A slow exhale, and Vida rearranged herself, her weight shifting and making the bed creak. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to stop thinking about that night under the stars, and she could tell. Fia, too, the other day he¨C well, never mind that.¡±

    What was she saying? It couldn¡¯t be. Could it? No.

    Another sigh, sounding almost as if she were bracing for something. ¡°Love, look. Feelings, the deep ones, they¡¯re hard for me. I don¡¯t know that I¡¯ve ever had anything more lasting than a passing fancy, and you¨C¡± Her voice cracked. ¡°You deserve better.¡±

    ¡°You already said you want to be friends, you don¡¯t need to explain that twice.¡±

    ¡°No¨C love, listen.¡± Vida¡¯s hand caught my chin as she leaned over me. ¡°What I¡¯m trying to say is, I¡¯d like to try, if you still want to.¡±

    Her eyes really were incredibly beautiful. ¡°Try¡­ wait. Are you, do you mean¡­¡±

    ¡°Yeah.¡± Vida let out a tiny, sparkling giggle. ¡°If you want to try dating, I¡¯d be honored to call you my girlfriend.¡± There was a rose in her hand as she brought it up to my face, tickling my nose with the petals. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be hurt if it doesn¡¯t work out, but we¡¯ll both stay pining if we don¡¯t at least try. And I¡¯ll¨C it¡¯ll be only you, Des, as long as we¡¯re together. That matters to you, yeah?¡±

    I wiped my eyes and wrapped my hand over hers on the rose''s stem. ¡°Oh, your timing is just perfect.¡± I might be broken, might only love her because something went wrong inside me, but I couldn¡¯t say no. Not about this.

    ¡°What do you mean? Are you okay?¡±

    I needed to change the subject. ¡°I need to brush my teeth before we kiss.¡±

    She paused, processing that. ¡°Destiny!¡±

    I managed a giggle at that. ¡°I¡¯ll do it now if I can have a kiss out of it.¡±

    ¡°Oh, certainly!¡± She sounded half indignant, but she helped me up, leaving the rose dangling from my fingers. ¡°Go clean up, and yes, you¡¯ll get a kiss from it, you sneaky girl.¡±

    Something about that rang wrong. ¡°I¡¯m not!¡± I protested. A thorn pressed between my first two fingers.

    ¡°Sure you are, tricking me into kissing you already,¡± she teased.

    I made a face at her and burst into half-forced laughter. Her laugh bubbled up in response, sweet as honey and soothing as rain. My laughter turned real as I clutched the rose tighter. Thorns didn¡¯t matter now.

    <hr>

    ¡°Vida?¡± I leaned back in the wagon, looking up at the clouds.

    ¡°Hmm?¡±

    ¡°Would you still love me if I were a worm?¡±

    ¡°What sort of question is that? You aren¡¯t one and you¡¯re no shapeshifter either.¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ imagine I got cursed.¡±

    ¡°Are you still Destiny, or just a worm that used to be her?¡±

    ¡°Still me, just a worm.¡±

    ¡°Then yes. I¡¯d try to break the curse, because no one wants a worm for a girlfriend, but yes, I¡¯d still love you.¡±

    ¡°What if I were just a worm that used to be Destiny?¡±

    Deep sigh. ¡°I¡¯d put you in a jar with some dirt and try not to touch you until I could break the curse. I do not like bugs, love. Why are you asking me this, would you not love me if I turned into a worm?¡±

    ¡°Of course I would. I¡¯d hold you and talk to you. I wouldn¡¯t kiss you, though, not as long as you were a worm.¡± Come to think of it, despite the stories about faeries being able to shapeshift, I¡¯d never seen Vida take another form except her glamoured human-self. Maybe she couldn¡¯t? Or maybe she just never needed to.

    If I could shapeshift, I didn¡¯t think I¡¯d ever stop changing forms.

    Vida chuckled. ¡°That¡¯s sweet of you.¡±

    I steeled myself and asked, ¡°What if I were broken?¡±

    Vida¡¯s brow creased. ¡°Like a broken bone? I can¡¯t see how that would change things between us¨C¡±

    ¡°Like broken inside. Mentally.¡±

    ¡°Oh, you mean like people say I am, only because I¡¯m a girl who likes to kiss other girls?¡± Vida laughed. ¡°You¡¯re no more broken than I am, love.¡±

    That wasn¡¯t true, but I couldn¡¯t tell her about my magic. Not after so long hiding it. What would I even say, No, I know I am because I have magic that got a man taken away to the capital. A random woman said it makes people wrong inside, so it must have broken me too? Vida would laugh that off. She wouldn¡¯t care about one person¡¯s opinion.

    And maybe she¡¯d be right not to care?

    I thought about it later, as I worked on mending a shirt¨C without magic, though I could do it well enough by now, since I¡¯d always hated the tedium of sewing. I was pretty sure Vida was the closest thing to perfection that there was. Even though she had her flaws, who she loved wasn¡¯t one of them.

    But it was different for me.

    Wasn¡¯t it?

    I had other things to think about. The wagon stopped, and Fiachra leapt up and shifted from shaggy golden wolf to shaggy-haired teenager. ¡°Who¡¯s excited!¡±

    ¡°You,¡± said Vida, squinting at her stitches. She frowned and tugged the thread gently. Her hair was covered by an old towel after Fin and I had helped her re-dye her hair. ¡°I¡¯m only excited to wash this stuff off my head in a proper shower. A hot one.¡±

    ¡°Come on, I¡¯m not the only one who loves theater. Torrena has one of the best on the continent, and we¡¯re performing there tomorrow night.¡±

    Bloom looked up from her book, tilting her head with her brows drawn in confusion, and lifted a hand to half-sign, ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re performing at Torrena Theater,¡± Dream said. ¡°What did you think we¡¯ve been rehearsing for?¡±

    Bloom tucked the book under her leg to mark her place. ¡°You¡¯re always rehearsing for something. Didn¡¯t realize it was special.¡± She shrugged, retrieved the book, and went back to reading.

    ¡°Anyways,¡± Dream continued, stepping closer to me and Vida. ¡°I was thinking. If you both want, I was the one to edit the script for Teodor and Floriana down to fit seven parts. Since Pryderi is too young and I don¡¯t perform well onstage, I had to give Destiny one of the boys¡¯ parts¨C I can edit to make it a girl, but if you don¡¯t mind playing a boy it¡¯d be more recognizable, and it¡¯d mean you can kiss Vida onstage.¡±

    ¡°Yes,¡± I said immediately. ¡°I¡¯ll do the boy version.¡±

    Dream and Vida both laughed. Vida kissed my hair, pinning the towel with one hand as it tried to come undone. ¡°You¡¯re adorable, love. I¡¯d love that too.¡±

    ¡°Then it¡¯s settled. Makes things easier on everyone.¡±

    We never had much time to memorize scripts, so half the time someone forgot a line and improvised. It helped that we had hours and hours on the road every day to practice between performances.

    This would be only my second time onstage. The first time, the performance called for an ¡®audience volunteer¡¯ who was secretly a member of the group. Since they¡¯d been to the town before, I was the ¡®volunteer¡¯.

    This time, I had actual lines. An actual part to play¨C and it would involve kissing Vida. My girlfriend. Just the thought of those words made me giddy with excitement, and I wanted to shout it to the world. Normally, I wouldn''t be able to, but tomorrow, even if the words I spoke onstage weren''t mine, maybe some of them could be.

 Sean

    Sean

    <hr>

    ¡°Lucius,¡± Vida said, breathless. ¡°Run away with me, please. You can leave your family, leave it all behind!¡± She clutched at my hands.

    ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± I said to her in my deep, overexaggerated Lucius voice. ¡°My love, I cannot leave. But you can, and you must! Only let me leave you with the memory of me¡­¡± I cupped her face and pulled her in for a long kiss. There were some awws from the audience, as well as a few more disappointed sounds when Vida pushed me away.

    ¡°I¡¯ll always love you,¡± she said, her voice low but pitched to carry. ¡°I hope you know that.¡±

    ¡°I do,¡± I said, and watched her run off the stage. Dropping my head in a pretense of anguish, a contrast to my skipping heart, I trudged off the opposite side of the stage. A breeze blew through, probably from an open door, ruffling my ponytail.

    Vida met me several minutes later, grinning as she took my hands. Hers were now stained with fake blood from her Sophie¡¯s murder of Fia¡¯s character for his betrayal of Blythe¡¯s Floriana. ¡°You were wonderful, love. Nearly broke my heart, even.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re just saying that.¡±

    ¡°I promise I¡¯m not! You really were good.¡±

    ¡°Shh!¡± Dream scolded. ¡°You¡¯ll ruin Seren and Blythe¡¯s final scene. It¡¯s a tragedy for heaven¡¯s sake.¡±

    I glanced at Vida and managed to pull her over to the corner before dissolving into helpless laughter. Dream fixed us with a scowl.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± Vida managed. ¡°I¡¯ll get her to shut up.¡± Laughing still, she kissed me.

    ¡°Oh, for¡­ Pull yourselves together, it¡¯ll be curtain time in a few minutes, and then time for bows.¡±

    We were still smiling when we skipped onto the stage, Vida¡¯s lipstick marking my cheeks and mouth, my ponytail and her careful curls slightly mussed. I darted a glance sideways and my grin grew wider at the way she beamed, practically glowing at the applause. I took a half-step sideways, linking my hand with Vida¡¯s, and bowed again.

    Dream waited offstage, notepad in hand. ¡°Sounds like they loved you. How¡¯d it feel?¡±

    ¡°Oh, exhilarating!¡± Vida spun in a circle, her head tilted upwards.

    Dream laughed. ¡°I know you liked it, I was talking to Destiny, it¡¯s her first play.¡±

    ¡°Really nice.¡± I rubbed the back of my neck and my hand caught in the ribbon tying my hair back. I frowned and pulled it out, only to retie it as I said, ¡°Kind of weird, being a boy. But it was fun.¡±

    ¡°Do you want to play it as a girl next time?¡± Pen hovered over paper, waiting to strike out and revise.

    ¡°No,¡± I said. ¡°Maybe. Next time?¡±

    ¡°We¡¯ll keep it on for a few months as we travel before switching it up. Easier that way. Let me know anytime you want to switch, we just have to do it between towns.¡±

    ¡°I can keep playing it as Lucius.¡± I shrugged, trying not to betray the excitement coiling in my stomach. ¡°Like you said, easier that way.¡±

    Dream nodded as if that was expected. ¡°Good, good. Vida, any notes?¡±

    ¡°Not a one.¡± She grinned and hugged him, her wings fluttering into view.

    He hugged her back with a wry smile. ¡°I¡¯ve got one for you, both of you. Do your offstage kissing after the play next time, not during it. You know better, V.¡±

    ¡°Yes, Director,¡± she said, not sounding sorry at all.

    ¡°Good. Now go on.¡± He flapped a hand at us. ¡°You two can start heading back to the wagon, I need to talk to Seren and Blythe.¡±

    ¡°Not the inn?¡± I asked. ¡°Aren¡¯t we staying another few days?¡±

    ¡°Yes but Blythe said we¡¯re all staying in the wagon this time. Do you want to take it up with her?¡±

    ¡°Point taken.¡± I took Vida¡¯s hand and kissed it lightly, just as my character had to hers in their first meeting. ¡°May I escort you to your door, my lady Sophie?¡±

    ¡°Oh, you two are so corny,¡± Dream grumbled fondly.

    ¡°I¡¯d be honored, Lucius darling,¡± Vida grinned.

    I glanced past her at her wings.

    ¡°Oh¨C¡± She twisted as she attempted to see over her shoulder, though her wings stayed pinned down. ¡°I dropped the glamour? Nos a¡­¡± She trailed off, and a moment later her wings were gone again.

    ¡°Ready?¡± I couldn¡¯t help but smile at her.

    ¡°Yeah, now I am.¡±

    Vida chatted to me about the play as we walked, regaling me with its history¨C ¡°one of the first plays to be written during the Emperor¡¯s reign, before the war ended. You can tell how it¡¯s a product of the time, any historical audience would have known Teodor and Floriana being called to fight on opposing sides would almost certainly have ended in both their deaths, and one potential reading is that they die at each other¡¯s hands¨C¡±

    ¡°Sir!¡± a voice called behind us. ¡°Sir, you dropped this!¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s weird,¡± Vida said so only I could hear. ¡°We¡¯re the only ones going this wa¨C oh.¡±

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s talking to you.¡± Vida kept her voice quiet. ¡°You¡¯re still done up as Lucius.¡±

    ¡°Oh.¡± A thrill ran through me as I turned. ¡°Yes?¡± I kept my voice carefully deep.

    The woman held out a blue-checkered neck kerchief. My kerchief, or rather, the pack''s. Mine only for the play. ¡°You dropped this.¡±

    ¡°Oh. Thank you.¡± Heart beating far too fast¨C what if she notices, what if she figures out I''m not a boy¨C I approached her to take the kerchief. I couldn¡¯t meet her eyes. Don''t figure it out don''t say I''m a girl don''t don''t don''t. ¡°I''d have missed it at the next performance.¡±

    ¡°Oh, it''s no problem at all! Glad to help. You''ve quite a promising future as an actor, young man, you know that?¡±

    ¡°I¨C thank you.¡±

    ¡°That''s why we keep him with us.¡± Vida''s arm wound suddenly around me, her chin digging into my shoulder. ¡°He''s destined for a great future, maybe touring the continent with the best of them.¡± She pressed a kiss to my cheek, her breath hot in the chill air. ¡°And that pretty face doesn''t hurt anything.¡±

    ¡°That it doesn''t,¡± the woman laughed. ¡°You''ll have girls falling at your feet in a few years, mark my words.¡±

    I laughed with her and Vida, then Vida said, ¡°So sorry to cut this short, but the boss is expecting us back soon. We''ll see you at the play tomorrow, yes?¡±

    ¡°Wouldn''t miss it! My grandchildren will want to come too, it will be early enough for that?¡±

    ¡°Oh, yes,¡± Vida assured, still smiling. A hand on the small of my back turned me around. ¡°Goodbye now!¡±

    ¡°That was nice,¡± I said softly as we walked.

    ¡°Yeah?¡± Vida glanced at me, her smile falling. ¡°Even though she called you a boy? I''d have corrected her if it wouldn''t get us into a stickier situation.¡±

    ¡°No, it''s fine. I didn''t mind, really.¡± I retied the kerchief around my neck, adjusting it the way Seren had shown me. ¡°The makeup you did really does make me look boyish, and I was just playing a man, so it''s no wonder she thought I was too.¡± And it was kind of nice that she thought that, I didn''t say.

    I didn''t say, I wish I could be a boy, or I liked playing Lucius more than I do being Destiny, or The only good part about being a girl is that you love me for it. Didn''t tell her about the resistance in my mind to the idea of returning to life as a girl, or the reluctance I felt at the idea of taking off my Lucius costume and the cloth wrapped around my breasts.

    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

    I couldn''t look my reflection in the eyes as I sponged off the makeup Vida had used to contour my face to make it look more masculine. Couldn''t watch myself turn back into a girl.

    <hr>

    I wore it again the next day, of course. Became a boy again for a few hours.

    It didn''t help. If anything, it made things worse. Intensified the wrongness I felt, the dissonance between the boy I was onstage and the girl I was everywhere else.

    I didn''t know what to do. How to fix it.

    Maybe this was why women only played female characters and men only played male characters. Because when they switched it up, the disconnect between their real-self and their stage-self became too much to handle. Maybe I''d been stupid to think I should play a boy part. Maybe I should tell Dream to change it for the next town.

    ¡­That didn''t make sense, actually. I''d seen Seren play characters who only shared a gender with him, nothing else, characters who were cruel, haughty, and cold. Fionnuala could be exuberant as one character and withdrawn and angry as the next, even in two scenes of the same play. Even offstage, all the werewolves and Vida pretended to be human in town when they weren''t. Shouldn''t that be at least as big a disconnect as me playing Lucius?

    I didn''t know what to think. I did the dishes, then read through a headache, first one of Vida''s tales of epic heroism, then one of Bloom''s romances, until I fell asleep.

    <hr>

    I kept my hair in a ponytail for the rest of the play¡¯s run. As much as I wanted to, I couldn¡¯t find an excuse to keep binding my chest offstage. But it was cold. So I wore two shirts and a loose jacket, and it didn¡¯t feel quite right but it looked almost the same.

    Almost.

    Almost was enough. Most of the time. Especially with the layers, it was easy to be taken for a man¨C and if anyone noticed I wasn¡¯t, it was easy enough to pretend that wasn¡¯t what I was trying for.

    Oddly enough, I was only called a girl once while I was trying to be a boy.

    I had my hood back as Fiachra and I approached the grocer¡¯s counter, both of us laden down with supplies. My hair wasn¡¯t tied back, it had come loose when I was busy hunting down the flour and I¡¯d lost the ribbon. A few strands fell into my eyes as I set the bags of flour and sugar on the counter. I pushed them back. ¡°How much for these?¡±

    The grocer eyed me for a moment. ¡°Er¡­ miss, are you unwell?¡±

    I heard the way he hesitated on miss. I could correct him, tell him it was sir. But it wasn''t, not really, and Fiachra was right there. When I was only with the pack, I could play off using the deeper voice as continued practice for my masculine roles. Pretending to be a boy with Vida was so that we could be affectionate in public. But here? Now? There was no reason to be a boy here.

    I shook my head and faked a cough. ¡°Just a bit of a sore throat, I''m not used to singing so much in this weather.¡±

    His expression changed to wonder and he looked past me at Fiachra, putting his armful on the counter. ¡°Oh, you''re one of the Cantores singers! And there''s Fiachra, lad, you''ve grown so much!¡±

    Fia pushed a curl out of his face and stepped closer. ¡°Sean, is that you? Since when do you work in the grocery?¡± To me he added, ¡°Sean¡¯s an old friend, he even traveled with us for a time.¡±

    I nodded in acknowledgement, studying Sean with interest. He looked human, with tanned skin and reddish hair. Maybe muscles, under the thick sweater, I couldn¡¯t tell, but he lifted the flour bags like they weighed nothing.

    ¡°Since a year past!¡± Sean started tallying up the groceries, tapping at a clunky-looking metal machine on the counter. ¡°Your mother doing well?¡±

    ¡°Oh, yeah, she was hoping to see you since we''re in town, just to catch up.¡±

    ¡°I''ll have to catch a performance, then¡­¡± I heard Sean say as I stepped away. This conversation wasn''t for me.

    As I browsed a selection of candies, I wondered what Vida would think if I were really a boy, offstage as well as on. If it weren''t pretend.

    She wouldn''t love me the same way, and that hurt. But we were friends. We could stay friends if I was a boy, even if she wouldn''t be my girlfriend.

    So I had three questions to figure out answers to.

    First, was it possible to become a boy if you weren''t born one?

    Second, if it was possible, was that what I was? Or was it my magic twisting me into something horrible, ruining me forever?

    Third, would I rather have Vida as a friend only, or as both a friend and girlfriend? Or¡­ was being a boy important enough to me to lose her love?

    There was a lump in my throat I didn''t want to try to explain.

    <hr>

    Vida stopped me as I went to get my blankets. ¡°You''ve been acting strange, Des, what''s wrong?¡±

    ¡°Nothing.¡± I ducked under her arm, reaching for the blankets. ¡°I''m cold.¡±

    ¡°Nothing, love, or nothing you want to talk about?¡± Her hand grabbed the blanket, tugging me around by it. ¡°Tell me true.¡±

    I avoided her gaze. ¡°I said it''s nothing, V. Leave me alone.¡±

    She let go. I still couldn''t look at her, couldn''t make myself see the hurt in her eyes. ¡°Fine then. Nothing.¡±

    She didn''t sleep next to me in the snuggle pile that night. I fell asleep on Fionnuala''s fur, and woke up still feeling empty and wrung-out like wet laundry on the line.

    Breakfast felt like I was only going through the motions. I wasn''t hungry, and only managed to force down enough food so Seren wouldn''t worry before I started on the dishes. I thought about using my magic to help clean them, and decided against it.

    My magic was dirty, and, and toxic. Touching it was intoxicating and overwhelming, and even the thought right now was like the thought of sticking my hand into a fire. I didn''t deserve the help cleaning up, the boost it provided. Reasons mixed and muddled into one result: soapy water and a sponge in frigid weather.

    I was scrubbing a stubborn plate with all my strength and rethinking my decision not to use magic when a voice said, ¡°Hey.¡±

    Oh, Light, not now, please. ¡°Hi, V.¡±

    ¡°I''m not mad at you.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    ¡°I''m only hurt that you wouldn''t talk to me.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    ¡°And snapped at me.¡±

    ¡°I know, Vida.¡±

    She went quiet. I paused and looked over at her. Her face had gone blank, emotionless. I winced and reached for the soap.

    ¡°I don''t know how you can stand to touch water in this weather,¡± she said after a moment.

    I shrugged.

    ¡°Are you mad at me?¡±

    I started to shake my head, then paused mid-movement. I was, kind of.

    ¡°Des¡­¡± There. There was a hint of emotion now, her voice catching as she said my name.

    I crumbled. I couldn¡¯t stay mad.

    ¡°Maybe a little annoyed,¡± I admitted. ¡°But mostly I just¡­ have some things to think about.¡±

    A soft huff of laughter. ¡°Do those things have anything to do with why you''ve been pretending you have a sore throat for weeks now? Or why your hair''s always tied back lately?¡±

    My throat seemed to swell up, stopping any words before they reached my tongue.

    ¡°You can tell me, you know, love? I''d rather you say something that stings than leave me to wonder eternally. Forever pining and all that.¡±

    ¡°I don''t know.¡± I scrubbed harder at the plate.

    ¡°Are you sure?¡±

    ¡°No! I''m not sure of anything right now, and that''s the problem!¡± I slammed the sponge into the bucket, splashing myself with icy droplets. ¡°I don''t know how I feel, and I don''t know what I want to do, and I don''t know if it''s even okay and I think I''m broken!¡±

    ¡°Love, oh, love.¡± Her hand touched my shoulder, ran down my arm to my bare wrist, making me shiver. ¡°You''re not broken, I promise. Take your time, figure yourself out, and I''ll be here for you. We all will.¡±

    I wasn''t so sure of that. I nodded anyways and tried to blink back tears. Wet clothes were bad enough, I didn¡¯t need ice water on my face, too.

    There were so many problems with me right now and I didn¡¯t know how to make any of them go away.

    <hr>

    ¡°Vida?¡±

    ¡°Yes, love?¡±

    I held my breath. ¡°Would you still love me if I were a boy?¡±

    There was a pause, entirely too long.

    I opened my mouth to dismiss the question, say something else, anything to prevent the rejection I knew was coming¨C

    ¡°I can¡¯t see why not.¡±

    The words stopped in my throat, made me choke and cough. ¡°B-because you said¡­¡±

    ¡°I know.¡± Slender fingers cupped my cheek, turning my face towards her. ¡°I know what I said.¡±

    ¡°If I were a boy¨C¡± I couldn¡¯t face her right now. I pulled away from her touch. ¡°Vida, if I¡­.¡±

    ¡°If you turned into a boy right now, you¡¯d be as much you as if you turned into a worm.¡±

    I coughed again, startled. My tension eased, if only a little.

    ¡°There¡¯s stories about magic artifacts that change a girl into a boy, or a boy into a girl. I found them when I was young, and wished I had one so I could turn into a boy. That was before I realized I didn¡¯t want to be a boy, I only wanted to be able to love girls without judgment. But¡­¡± Her hand slipped into mine and squeezed, gently. ¡°If it¡¯s not that way for you, darling, if you¡¯d take the magic and use it¡­ I¡¯m in no place to judge.¡±

    I sniffled and leaned into her. ¡°But you only like girls.¡±

    ¡°There¡¯s an exception to everything. And I don¡¯t want to lose you. Not even if you turn into a worm.¡± She nudged me with her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m fonder of boys than I am of worms, love.¡±

    I choked on a laugh. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna lose you either. You''re the best thing that''s ever happened to me.¡±

    ¡°You''re just saying that,¡± she said, fondly.

    ¡°You are!¡± I squeezed her hand. ¡°I''m happier than I ever was back home. Even if I''m more broken now, I''m happier.¡±

    ¡°I don''t understand.¡± Her brow creased. ¡°Love, nothing about you is broken. Boy or girl, whoever you love, you''re perfect.¡±

    I hugged her fiercely. She wouldn''t think that if she knew about my twisted magic, so it was better she never know. She loved me as I was, girl or boy, and¡­ I could keep the magic away. It didn''t have to matter.

    ¡°So¡­¡± Vida said carefully when I finally pulled back. ¡°Am I to understand you¡¯re a boy now? Is that why you¡¯ve been practicing your Lucius role so much?¡±

    I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded. ¡°I¡­ I think so. If that¡¯s okay.¡±

    ¡°Of course it¡¯s okay, darling.¡± Her arm slipped around my shoulders. ¡°A bit of getting used to, to be sure, but if it makes you happier it¡¯s certainly okay. Do you want to tell anyone else?¡±

    I hadn¡¯t thought that far ahead.

    At my silence, she continued, ¡°Not everyone has to know, even if you trust them, love. I¡¯m glad you told me, but believe me, Seren and Blythe and all the others will understand just fine if you tell them on your own time.¡±

    Tension held my back stiff. ¡°You¡¯re sure they won¡¯t be upset?¡±

    ¡°By you not telling them, or you being a boy?¡±

    ¡°Either. Both.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sure, love.¡± Vida¡¯s hands folded over mine as she leaned in. ¡°You¡¯re such a silly human sometimes.¡±

    ¡°Your silly human,¡± I managed.

    ¡°My silly human,¡± she agreed, and kissed me.