ã€ŠLove Notesã€‹


 Chapter 1

    ¡°Why are you so useless?¡±

    The clock hanging on the wall above my head ticks mercilessly as I sit in the kitchen and repeat those words to myself. The noise of it always drives me insane. I glance up, squinting my eyes to find that it''s only seven a.m. It feels like a whole day has passed since I woke up a few hours ago, but I suppose time tends to move a lot slower in the early hours.

    Placing my cup of hot tea down on the table in front of me, my hand shakes under the weight of it. I look my wrist over and sigh. The pain that I feel there now serves as a small reminder of the mistake that I made two days ago.

    Normally I wash all of Jamies shirts together on a Friday night after he finishes work for the week. He likes to keep them a crisp white colour. They often remind me of thick blankets of snow that stretch for miles, with not so much as a footprint shaped drop of tomato sauce from his lunch to ruin them. If I close my eyes, I can visualise myself standing in that snow, cold and sunken up to my knee caps, looking out at the blinding white ocean that¡¯s waiting to suffocate me.

    I wonder if it would be possible to mistakenly dye all of that snow a pale shade of purple? That was my mistake. The reason for the tremor that now makes my tea drip over the side of my cup.

    I forgot to wash his shirts on Friday. We¡¯d gone to see a movie, some action film that Jamie was interested in. I made a mental note to look after them the following day instead, but obviously forgot, so when I spotted them in the basket on Sunday morning, I rushed to get them washed and dried so that I could have them hanging in the wardrobe for him come Monday morning as always. In my haste, I must have accidentally let a purple sock of mine get mixed up with the shirts when I was loading them, because when I pulled them from the washing machine an hour later, I was horrified to find them all ruined. Mixed shades of grey and mauve taunted me as I inspected each shirt one by one. Then I spotted the sock. Shit.

    Immediately I realised that I was going to have to go to that expensive suit shop Jamie likes so that I could replace the shirts. Great, there was another job for my list that day. Maybe Jamie would offer to go himself, considering how I already had so much to do. I still had to go grocery shopping, then I needed to return some jeans he bought that didn''t suit him, and after that I was planning to pay a visit to my sister.

    As I trudged my way into the living room, I prayed that Jamie was in a good mood.

    I approached him as he sat watching some sports show, maybe a game, I wasn''t sure. I never take much interest in the TV, or sport for that matter, but Jamie likes to spend his weekends doing the things he enjoys. He works hard all week, so I don''t really mind it.

    "Look at what I did to your shirts," I said, lifting one from the laundry basket and holding it up so he could see. "A rouge sock must have made it into the machine. Do you think you could make it to the store to pick some new ones up for yourself?"

    Jamie glanced at the grey fabric that I held up for a moment before turning his attention to me.

    "It''s Sunday," he said flatly.

    "Oh, of course. They''ll be closed today." I pouted my bottom lip and thought it over. "Maybe you can wear your blue one tomorrow instead?,¡± I suggested, ¡°Or your purple one? I love that on you." Placing the ruined shirt back into the basket, I offered him an apologetic smile.

    "I promise I¡¯ll go and get you some more in the morning before work, I don''t start til'' ten anyway."

    Without much of a reply from him, I picked up the basket and headed back towards the utility room, figuring that we were in agreement. Within a matter of seconds that assumption was quickly corrected as Jamie somehow got himself up and closed the space between us before I had a second to realise what was coming.

    Jamie had that ability. He could be both quick and quiet when he didn''t want me to have time to defend myself when he advanced on me. He¡¯s tall, standing at a striking 6''1 while also being quite athletic and strong. He can clear his way across a room in twice the time that I can. Often he reminds me of a lion. It''s the way he looks at me, how he watches. He stalks and makes calculations on my next move so that he can beat me to it. I didn''t anticipate this hunt though, and had foolishly made the error of turning my back.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.

    As he grabbed my wrist, the basket of laundry fell from my hands to the floor, sending the shirts tumbling out. His grip on me was so tight that it hurt. Sometimes his touch felt like it could burn right through me, like hot metal on wax.

    I looked up at Jamie in confusion, but as I did, he reached for my face, clamping his hand around my chin before pushing me back with such force that when I hit the wall behind me I was left breathless. The air whooshed from my lungs as I gasped and tried to wriggle free, but he''s so much stronger than I am, and his grip just got tighter.

    Jamie lowered himself so that his face met mine.

    "Are you stupid?," he spat, cocking his head to the side.

    "Jamie!," I cried between gasps, "you''re hurting me."

    Pulling my head forward a few inches, he then slammed it back against the wall. My ears began to make a sharp ringing sound, and I had to close my eyes just to try and silence the pain.

    "Look at me!,¡± he spat.

    I opened my eyes back up to see that he was now nose to nose with me.

    "I asked you a question," he said, "Are. You. Stupid?" With every word he inched himself closer.

    "N- no," I stuttered, "It was just an accident, a sock got mixed in. I''m sorry!"

    My eyes began to fill with tears. I hated it, not only did it make me feel weak, but Jamie got off on it. Tears only ever seemed to fuel him when he got like that. I saw the corners of his mouth twitch upwards at the sight of my glassy eyes.

    "I can try and bleach them before tomorrow," I offered meekly, but his grip on my face only tightened.

    "Those aren''t some shitty twenty dollar shirts Izzy, why do you think I have you do them separately to all of your cheap stuff?"

    I stared back at him, unsure what to say, and afraid of what he would do next. I could feel my whole body trembling.

    Jamie dropped his hand from my face, pushing it to the side as he did. I thought he was finished with me, but instead he took my hand and pulled me away from the wall before twisting my arm behind my back and yanking it upwards, sending a burning sensation up into my shoulder.

    A pained cry escaped from my throat.

    "Jesus Jamie, you''re going to break my arm!"

    Jerking my body back toward him, Jamie pulled me flush against him as his mouth pressed against my ear.

    "Why are you so useless?,¡± he asked. With that he pushed me forward, releasing my arm.

    Wrapping my hand around my wrist, I stood deathly still, completely in shock over his actions. Then I felt another sharp shove between my shoulder blades, moving me towards the shirts that lay on the floor. "Clean that shit up," he said, before striding back across the living room and sitting himself back down on the couch like nothing had happened.

    Grabbing at the shirts, I lifted them into the laundry basket as quickly as I could and hurried back to the utility room. When I got there, I must have cried for what felt like an hour. I can usually anticipate moments like that from Jamie, and I¡¯d managed to avoid pushing his buttons for weeks by being careful. Honestly, I was a little surprised that something so trivial had set him off.

    After awhile, I wiped away my tears and sucked in a breath, telling myself to get it together. I had stuff to do, and feeling sorry for myself wasn''t one of them. Slowly, I made my way back to the living room, picking at my nail beds and keeping my gaze to the floor. Jamie ignored my puffy red eyes as I picked my wallet up off the coffee table.

    "I''ve a few errands to run," I told him, "I was planning to go and see Sarah too."

    Keeping my head bowed, I didn''t dare make eye contact. Why did I give this man so much power?

    "Sure thing babe," he said as he smiled up at me, "Maybe give the visit to Sarah¡¯s a miss today though, you seem a bit run down."

    I lifted my head in surprise, but his eyes didn''t move from the TV. I knew from his tone that it was a warning rather than a concern. He hated when I visited my sister, even more so after he did things like this. Jamie knew Sarah didn''t like him after I told her that his jealously had cost me my job once. He was always paranoid that she would try to convince me to leave him. She never did of course, but I¡¯d never told her about him pushing me around either.

    I knew a whole lot better than to argue at that point, so I agreed not to go, even though it had already been weeks since I had properly spoken to my sister. I always did as Jamie wanted, like it or not.

    "Great," he said, "I''ll see you in a little bit, I love you." With that, he stood and kissed the top of my head, just like always.

    When I got back home later that afternoon, he didn''t mention a thing about what had happened. No explanation, no apology, nothing. And now we''ve been in this weird kind of limbo ever since.

    Shaking the memory from my mind, I try to push the whole thing away for now. Replaying days like that never does me any good. Instead, I pour the rest of my tea down the drain and decide to make use of being awake this early by going for a run. Maybe some fresh air will clear my mind¡­ or at least silence it for a while.

 Chapter 2

    I left a note for Jamie to let him know that I was gone and then I hit the pavement. I love running, there¡¯s been various clubs that I¡¯ve joined over the years, but my preference is to run solo. Nothing can beat the simplicity of sticking in some earphones and silencing the world around you. Running has always helped to clear my mind, so I hit start on my playlist and get going in the hope that I can sift through my thoughts.

    In the two days since it happened, Jaime and I haven''t spoken much, and I don''t give more than short cold answers when we do. He hasn''t made any attempt to apologise, and I don¡¯t expect him to either. He stopped apologising a long time ago really. I guess we''ve both come to accept his temper as a part of him.

    Jamie and I have been together for nearly four years. I met him the night of my twenty second birthday. It wasn''t fireworks and hearts colliding and all of that. It was me drunkenly tripping over his feet on my way to the bathroom. Us flirting and dancing. Cute dates and stolen kisses. Flowers and amazing sex. He won me over. We moved in together after a year, and I guess that''s when I really started to know him.

    I had an idea before I agreed to move in that he was kind of the jealous type, but not in a way that I ever thought I''d have to worry about. I thought it was cute if I''m honest. If another guy ever tried to talk to me while we were out, Jamie would pout his bottom lip out and flash me some sad puppy dog eyes. I''d usually kiss him and remind him that I was his. Forever his. It always did the trick, and then later we''d go back to his place and have sex until the sun came up. It was all part of love in my eyes, so the first time he hit me, it really took me by surprise.

    I was studying to become a music teacher at the time, which was all I ever wanted to do. It still is. My love for music began when my grandfather decided to teach me to play the violin. I was only three years old, although I didn''t realise how impressive that was until I started interacting with other musicians. He taught me how to play other instruments over time too, but I always gravitated back to the violin. I would have played it every day if he had let me. He was a music teacher himself before he retired, so I guess I was attempting to follow in his footsteps with my career choice.

    My grandfather adored everything about me, and I adored everything about him. My Pop Pop, thats what Sarah and I called him. He was absolutely my first love. He started the fire within me for music that only became more intense as time wore on, and I really wanted to make him proud.

    I had secured a training position at a local school while getting my degree, it was part of the course requirement. Thankfully I was working under an amazing teacher, Zachary Keller. Zach was a master of his craft, he was likely the most knowledgable person I knew when it come to classical composers. More important than that, he seemed to have the ability to reach into the souls of his students and pull some truly amazing pieces from them. I could only wish that one day I would be able to do the same with my own students. I wanted to be him.

    I wasn''t into Zach at all, not in that way anyway. He was at least twelve years older than me, maybe more. I saw him as more of a father figure if anything, even though he was too young to possibly be my father. He wasn''t unattractive to look at, he clearly looked after himself, so I could see why the girls in his classes often blushed when he complimented their work. He was a little shorter than Jamie, but still hovered above my 5''3 build. He always wore those thick black rimmed glasses that had become popular again, the type that made him look like Clark Kent.

    Zach and I never really discussed our personal lives, other than the general ''how was your weekend'' chit chat, so when he messaged me about some upcoming music exams that we needed to organise, I didn''t think it would be a big deal to Jamie.

    I don''t know why the message made him react the way he did, maybe I had gushed about how amazing Zach was too much, or I suppose it was possible that I gave the training position too much of my attention. Either way, something switched inside of Jamie when he saw Zach''s name pop up on my phone screen while I was dishing up our dinner.

    He picked my phone up off the table and examined it like he didn''t quite know what he was looking at. "Why is he texting you?," he questioned as his eyes bore through me. I was thrown by his tone, he knew he had nothing to worry about where Zach was concerned, or anybody for that matter.

    "We''re organising some exams," I explained, "it''s hard to get it all done when there''s so much on during the day."

    I attempted to move around him to put our bowls of pasta onto the table, but the next thing I knew I was pinned against the fridge while the bowls and their contents lay in pieces on the floor. Jamies hands were gripping my upper arms, his fingers digging in, bound to leave small fingerprint sized welts.

    "You''re lying to me!," he yelled. I''d never seen him look so angry before, it was like he was possessed.

    "Ow! You''re hurting my arms Jamie, let go!"

    "Don''t ever think you can mess around on me Izzy, I''ll ruin your fucking life!"

    Jamie pounded his fist onto the fridge beside me, rocking it with the force.

    "I''m not," I insisted, "I swear, it''s just for work, read the text if you want!"

    Wriggling my shoulders, I tried to break free of his grip. He dropped his hands from my arms and took a step back, keeping his eyes locked to mine. I watched him in disbelief, it was so unlike him. My arms ached from his hold as I rubbed at my shoulder, I couldn¡¯t help but be angry at what he had just done.

    "Jamie,¡± I said, ¡°that was so stupid, I''d never -"

    Suddenly, I was silenced by the back of Jamies hand striking me across the face. I was so in shock that I just stood there holding my cheek as it burned.

    Jamie took a few steps back, griping his hair with both hands. He began pacing the floor, letting the pieces of the broken bowls crunch under his feet.

    "Why would you make me do that Izzy?," he asked as he rambled on about how I¡¯d betrayed him.

    My body slid down the fridge that I had just been pinned against as I listened to his nonsensical justification before forming a crumpled mess on the floor. As hard as I fought it, I began to cry.

    Jamie stopped his pacing long enough to finally notice me sitting there on the ground, terrified. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks. He rushed to my aid, squatting down in front of me.

    "Oh my god Izzy. I- I''m so sorry, I don''t know why I did that. I was just so mad, I''m sorry. Please..."

    Pushing back on my hands, I attempted to get away from him, but my back only met the cold metal of the refrigerator. There was nowhere to go. Jamie reached for me, offering to help.

    "Don''t!" I spat "Don''t you touch me!"

    Reaching for the counter beside me, I pulled myself to my feet, taking my phone and keys and getting myself the hell out of there. Sometimes I wish I had left that night and never went back, others I''m so in love with him that I could forget every single thing that he''s ever done. There¡¯s rarely an in-between.

    I stayed in a hotel for a few days while Jamie love bombed me like crazy. He sent roses to the school, there were countless texts and voicemails from him apologising, chocolates arrived at the hotel, and a bottle of champagne was even sent to my room. He turned up on the third night with tears in his eyes and apologies on his tongue. I forgave him of course. And the next time, and the next, and every other time after that too. I forgave him so much that he soon stopped apologising at all.This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

    A couple weeks after he hit me for the first time, my car was in getting some new brakes, so I asked Jamie to pick me up from work. I bumped into Zach on the way out to the parking lot. He walked with me, chatting about the lesson plan we were working on. I couldn''t concentrate because I knew Jamie would see us, so I tried to finish up our conversation as quickly as I could before there was any trouble, but it was already too late.

    I could feel Jamie''s eyes on us. Even though I had nothing to hide, I was worried about what he was going to do. A panicked heat began to spread up the back of my neck as I saw him climb out of his car. His face was so red that I thought steam was about to come out of his ears. It felt like slow motion as he approached us.

    Zach didn''t see it coming. Jamie''s fist cut through the space between them the second he reached us, connecting with Zach''s jaw and sending him flying backwards onto the pebbled ground of the parking lot. I ran in front of Jamie, pushing him back and begging him to stop before he could do anymore damage.

    "You stay away from her!," he yelled, pointing down at Zach as he looked up at us in total bewilderment. "I''ll fucking kill you! You hear me?"

    I kept apologising to Zach while trying to keep Jamie back, but I think that only made things worse. When Jamie decided he¡¯d done enough, he grabbed my elbow and dragged me towards his car, leaving Zach on the ground watching us in confusion.

    Jamie pulled open his passenger door and pushed me inside. In my panic, I stretched my hand out and held the door, trying to keep it open. His eyes met mine, and I could see every single bit of rage he had inside of him.

    "What are you gonna'' do Izzy huh?,¡± he yelled, ¡°Run? Try it! I dare you to, because I swear to god if you step so much as a foot outside of this car right now, I''ll roll it over you and won''t think twice about it. Now let go of that fucking door."

    I dropped my hand back inside the car as quickly as I could, believing he''d make good on that threat if I didn''t. Jamie slammed the door and rounded the front of the car, his eyes latched to mine the whole time.

    I sat across from him, both silent and terrified all the way home. At one point Jamie actually laughed at me as he drove. Laughed. He had accomplished everything that he really wanted to I guess, because the next day when I arrived at the school, I found out that I had lost my training position. Zach agreed that he wouldn''t press charges against Jamie if I went without a fuss. I was devastated, and in my anger about it all, I stupidly told Sarah what had happened after we shared a bottle of wine at her place a few days later. I conveniently omitted Jamies violence and threats against me though.

    Sarah was beyond pissed for me, and to my horror she even confronted Jamie about it. He insisted that he¡¯d made a mistake and that nothing like that would happen again, but he and I knew the real truth of it. He gave me the silent treatment for days until I promised not to tell Sarah anything that goes on between us in future.

    I found it impossible to find another training placement that late in the school year, which meant that I fell behind with both college and rent, although Jamie could more than pay for things. He held a great position at his dad''s tech company, but I wanted to have my own money, so I made the hardest decision of my life and dropped out of college. I figured I''d go back and finish my classroom training when the timing was better.

    I ended out finding a job at a music instrument store that were looking for staff at the time. It¡¯s a world away from what my grandfather wanted for me, but things can''t work out for everyone I guess. Maybe teaching isn¡¯t what¡¯s meant for me. I have Jamie, that¡¯s the most important thing.

    After running for a few miles, I''m now sweating all over and no more able to manage my muddled thoughts than I was when I started. I need to get to work soon though, so I hastily make my way back to the apartment and head straight for the en-suite to shower. In the bedroom, I pass by one of Jamies new shirts that I picked up, just as promised. It''s ironed, hanging and waiting for him, like always.

    The hot water hits my back and instantly soothes my aching muscles. I lean back into the spray, soaking my hair. I wonder if Jamie is at the gym downstairs? Hopefully he takes a shower down there afterward so that I can take my time and avoid making him late.

    Just as the thought runs through my mind, a soft knock comes from the other side of the bathroom door. Today isn¡¯t my lucky day it seems.

    "Iz?," Jamie calls. "Can I come in?"

    Without an answer, he lets himself in. His wavy brown hair instantly begins to lose volume under the hot steam.

    I stand and face him through the glass of the shower door, he''s seen me naked a million times, there''s nothing to hide here. Jamie leans against the marble sink, wearing only a pair of navy sweat pants that hang low on his hips, his hands casually sit in the pockets. My eyes gaze over his chiseled torso, following the little trail of light coloured hair that disappears below his waistband. I feel a familiar burn in the pit of my stomach. Damn him and damn those sweatpants.

    He breaks first, interrupting the silence between us.

    "I know you''re mad at me Iz," he says. "I know I fucked up."

    Straightening himself up off the sink, Jamie looks around the bathroom as if he''s never seen parts of it before. The hand-towels suddenly become interesting to him, it seems like he¡¯s willing to look at anything else but me.

    I shake my head in annoyance, fucked up is one way to put it. Moving myself back under the shower, I turn away from him, refusing to let him think that¡¯s going to cut it.

    As the water falls over me again, the sound of clothing ruffling fills my ears. It¡¯s shortly followed by the squeak of the shower door opening and closing behind me. I can feel Jamie¡¯s presence as he slowly approaches me from behind. He inches closer before running his fingertips down my spine.

    "I want to make you feel better," he whispers, brushing my hair back off my shoulder.

    That''s not an apology.

    "You know that I never want to hurt you."

    That''s not an apology either.

    "Let me show you how much I regret what I did Izzy."

    Still, not an apology.

    Jamie reaches around to my front, cupping one of my breasts as his other hand grazes down my torso. He stops just under my belly button and pulls me closer to him. I can feel him, every bit of him. I know exactly what he wants. If I let it happen, he believes he''s forgiven and I lose this little stand off. If I refuse him, he picks a fight and I lose there too. We''ve danced this dance before, he always wins.

    I allow his fingers to creep down my body before slipping between my legs. Like an artist wetting his brush, Jamie slides a single finger inside of me before slowly drawing it back up my centre until he finds the little bundle of nerves he''s searching for. I drop my head back onto his chest and exhale. For someone who can make me feel so bad, he knows exactly how to make me feel just as good.

    Jamie¡¯s fingers work in a tiny circle as my breath catches in my throat. He leans down, leaving a trail of soft kisses on my neck while the water from the shower sprays us both from overhead.

    "Tell me how good it feels Iz," he whispers into my ear. My eyes roll.

    "It feels amazing."

    "Do you want me to stop?"

    "No... don''t,¡± I say truthfully. A low whimper escapes me as I reach my hand up and grip the back of his neck. "Please don''t stop."

    Jamie¡¯s fingers pick up pace, moving with ease from the wet heat that he¡¯s created.

    "Tell me you love me," he says.

    "I do¡­ I love you."

    Feeling the build up take over my body, I try to let go. My legs begin to feel heavy, and a sudden rush floods my chest. I wish I could say that I dont want him like this, but I do. I want all the good that Jamie has to offer.

    "Fuck, Iz you feel so ready for it,¡± he says gruffly. A slight sting sends a shiver through me as he nips at my neck. My breath becomes laboured as my muscles tense with anticipation, all I want is him. "I¡¯m the only one that can make you feel this good Izzy,¡± he says, ¡°I want to hear you beg for me."

    "Oh god, please," I plead with him.

    Jamie moves his fingers over the spot he''s been circling, knowing that it¡¯s all it¡¯s going to take. That one tiny movement sends me spiralling into a sea of pleasure, forcing me to collapse my weight back onto him as I moan and wither under his touch, letting the ecstasy crash over me in waves.

    I love Jamie so much that it hurts. Sometimes it hurts in ways that it shouldn¡¯t, but I live for thesemoments with him. The ones that make me feel like the most important person in his universe. Being with him like this, knowing that he wants to be better is what drives me forward. It¡¯s what keeps me here. This is the man I want him to be all of the time.

    My chest heaves as he works me through my high. His arms hold me to him for as long as I need to level out and come down off that mountain top.

    At some point, Jamie reaches through the shower spray and twists the knob, turning off the water. He then slowly turns me around to face him. Every inch of my skin sizzles under his stare. His piercing blue eyes rake over my body as he takes in every detail. Leaning in, he presses his lips to mine. His desire for more is plain to see as he opens my mouth so he can trace his tongue against my own.

    Walking me backward with his kiss, he forces my shoulder-blades to meet the chill of the tiled wall behind me. I take a second to catch my breath, looking down to see that he is both ready and eager to continue.

    "I need you," he tells me, pressing his forehead to mine as little droplets of water fall from his hair and roll down his face.

    I meet his eyes as they search my own. He wants to fix this, he wants to make it better.Swallowing down any anger I have left, I nod my head. "Okay."

    That''s all the permission Jamie needs. The veins in his arms bulge as he lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressing my back to the tiles as he steadies himself. He takes the tiniest second to savour this moment before gently pushing himself into me.

    "Oh...christ," he says breathlessly, letting his eyelids flutter closed as he starts to pump himself in and out, finding his rhythm.

    "I love you, I love you so damn much Iz."

    Jamie¡¯s thrusts begin to quicken, I can feel him starting to lose control. We both steadily climb that peak again, panting and moaning along the way. Snaking his hand up my back, he balls his fist into my hair, pulling my head back ever so slightly. As much as I hate when he''s rough with me elsewhere, I love it here. I let out a groan in response.

    "Jesus... oh... god Izzy... I''m about to..."

    I''m already there with him, my hands gripping his shoulders as we both drown in the feeling. Jamies whole body releases and begins to spasm as he cries out, leaving traces of himself inside of me.

    He holds me there in his arms for the longest time, letting the weight of the last few days shed away. Eventually he lets out a sigh, one that sounds as if he''s been holding it in for days. He drops my feet back to the floor before kissing my nose and forehead. "You''re amazing Iz," he says.

    I smile up at him, sweat coating my skin all over again. "I''m going to need another shower after that."

    He thoughtfully kisses me one last time before reaching past me to turn the water back on.

    All is forgiven¡­

 Chapter 3

    The following weeks were less eventful with Jamie. He fell back into being his better self, the one I live for. He showered me with kisses and compliments as we explored the city on our days off in the hot July sun. We dined out, stayed up late watching movies and saw some of his friends. It feels like we''re a normal couple again.

    Jamie and I are approaching our four year anniversary next month in September. On top of that, my birthday isn¡¯t long after, so Jamie has been filling my ears with promises of organising a trip. Honestly, I''d be happy with some take out and a night in, but I know a trip will make him happy, so I don''t try to sway him on it.

    I''ve always felt that all of the good times with Jamie outweigh the bad. He can be kind, loving, generous and so attentive when he wants to be. When things are going well, it''s as if all of the bad experiences I''ve ever had with him slip to the back of my mind. I bury them deep, hiding them inside a locked box where I can keep them from seeping into all of the good memories and staining them like ink on fabric.

    I fill any time I have alone with running and looking after the apartment, while also getting in a small bit of time with Sarah and the kids. She only lives twenty-five minutes from our place, which is nice, I love having her close by. We both stayed around Cleveland after we moved out of our dads house. We grew up here, and we both love it.

    Sarah married her high school sweetheart, Mark. They have two girls together now, Emily and Anna, they''re little cuties. She''s only four years older than me, but she somehow seems to have it all figured out. She stayed close to our dads house because she wanted him to be nearby so the kids could grow up with him. He and Sarah have remained close throughout the years. She got to experience a completely different dad to the one I grew up with. We''re all aware of it, there¡¯s no denying how cold he became towards me after our mom and grandfather passed. We don''t discuss it much though, different opinions I guess. Sarah gets to see my dads soft side, and the loving grandpa he can be. I don¡¯t begrudge her that. I wanted it too. I still do sometimes.

    I work full time at the music store, ''Strings & Things''. Not the most creative name but it''s a great job. The owners, Michelle and Carol, are amazing. We''ve become really close over my time there. I''ve nicknamed them ''The Ladies'' and they totally hate it. They''re not quite what you''d picture a lady to be at all. They''ve been together since nineteen seventy-six. They were only teenagers at the time, and their coming out was a big scandal for their well-to-do families back then, but Michelle tells the story like it''s a romance novel. After they told their friends and family that they were a couple, they left town. The two women travelled the world for a few years, and then came home and bought the music store together. Eventually their families came around. They got married in two thousand and sixteen, about a year after it was made legal in Ohio. I really wish I''d known them at that stage of their lives, I''d have loved to have been a part of it all.

    The best thing about the women is the fact that they''re strong feminists. They run women''s rights rally''s and stuff all around the state. It also means that they generally favour having female employees, not that they¡¯d ever admit that. Of course they insist that they always pick the best candidate for the job, but I have a feeling that isn''t always the case. All I know is that it¡¯s worked out well for me. The less male colleagues I have for Jamie to quiz me about the better, and right now I have zero. Other than the delivery men that come in and out, there''s only Michelle, Carol, Dayna and I and that suits me fine.

    Dayna is part time, she¡¯s studying Psychology but works most Saturdays and some days in-between, which means that between Michelle, Carol and I, I only have to work one in three Saturdays. It drives Jamie insane, but right now there isn''t really an alternative. I was blessed to come out of the school training position with a reference after the stunt he pulled with Zach, and he was lucky no charges were pressed either.

    The store ticks over well, there''s plenty of musicians around here. Ardeen isn''t a particularly small place, there''s a population of roughly twelve thousand, so there''s always something happening. We''re placed just on the outskirts of Cleveland, known as the home of rock and roll. That claim always makes me smile.That''s what made the ladies want to open a music store in Ardeen. They love the creativity that flows here, as do I. We aren''t all that far from Greater Cleveland either, which is where Jamie''s office is, so it''s handy for us.

    I usually work the floor making sales, writing up orders and taking delivery''s. I like to pull my weight though, so when the ladies saw how serious I was about the job, they began to let me open and close the store. Before long I was looking after scheduling too, not that there''s much to it. Carol now wants some help with the book keeping, so we''re going to look at that next. I appreciate how they never make me feel like it''s an ''us and them'' situation. For the most part, they ask my opinion on any changes they want to make, and it''s nice to know what I think matters to them. They don''t have children of their own, and know that my relationship with my dad is strained to say the least, so it feels like there''s an unspoken bond with us. I can share things with them, not everything of course, but I can get their advice when I need it most, and in return they let me in to be a small part of their life too. I love them like they''re the family I never had.

    Although ''Strings & Things'' isn''t my dream job, I do get to talk music all day, which I love. Trumpet players, guitarists, five year old kids wanting a ukulele, I enjoy it all. We get customers in that really know their stuff, I often get lost in the discussions. Last week a girl came in for new drum sticks and before I knew it we were bouncing different ideas and opinions off each other. I was surprised to hear that she had seen Rob Paravonian''s comedic take on Pachelbel''s Canon in D considering how old it is, but we must have discussed it for a solid twenty minutes. This is what I love about music. Classical, modern, whatever; it means something different to everyone.

    When the store gets really quiet, Carol encourages me to practice my violin playing. She says that music is a gift, and not to waste it by letting my talents gather dust. I bet she''d give me an earful if she knew how little I''ve been playing recently. She loves to hear The Lark Ascending, so when I do play at the shop, I always play that for her. I don''t enjoy it all that much, but I like to see her happy. Lately I''ve been experimenting with more modern music. Carol will tut and shake her head when she hears me play it. "I don''t know what''s wrong with a classic," she says. It doesn''t stop her foot tapping along to the rhythm though.

    Jamie isn''t the biggest fan of either of the ladies. He often jokes that Michelle and Carol will start to brainwash me into hating men. It feels like I can''t win. I guess if he doesn''t want me working with other men, then he''s got to compromise somewhere along the way.

    Speaking of Jamie, he¡¯s organised an afternoon off from work today and plans to come and meet me for lunch. He¡¯s put in a serious amount of overtime recently and was owed a few days. There¡¯s a big project that he and his team have been working on for over a year, but it''s in the final stages now thankfully. There¡¯s still a lot of last minute things that they have to complete, but the worst is over for sure.

    Jamie works for his fathers tech company, Reynolds Group. It started out pretty small, just his dad and some guys renting some office space, but as the work came in, the business continued to grow, and now his father is worth more than I can fathom.

    The second he finished college, Jamie joined the company too, his father wouldn''t have allowed him to do anything else. He''s involved with software design, leading the team and working endlessly while at it. He thinks that the roll out of this project they''ve been working on will take them multinational. The details unfortunately get lost on me. I listen to him, smile and agree like I understand, but I''m not the most tech minded person you''ll ever meet, much to Jamies disappointment. I do know that he works hard though, and that he deserves some time off to rest and take a breather right now.

    Towards the afternoon a small delivery of accessories arrives into the store. Stands, cables, pedals; all the fun stuff. I take it in and sign it off for the driver, it''s our usual delivery guy Steve. Steve is really sweet, he loves to chat. He talks about his wife and three kids non-stop. I''ve seen more pictures of them than I have of Sarah''s two, but they''re honestly adorable. Today he''s showing me photos of the family trip they took to the beach last weekend. As he flicks through the images, he makes a point of mentioning that it''s high time I start to make some babies of my own. I remind him of the fact that I''m only twenty-five, but he says the younger I start the better. I swat at his shoulder and send him on his way. Steve laughs and waves his hand in the air as he heads out the door, back to his truck. As the little bell above the entrance chimes, I spot Jamie standing over by the cymbals, staring at me, one side of his lips curled up into a tight smile. I offer one of my own in response when I get a look at him, he really is so handsome.

    "Hey you,¡± I say, keeping my smile in place. ¡°I didn''t see you come in.¡±

    "That¡¯s because were too busy flirting with Delivery Dan."

    I feel my breath catch in my throat, he''s not mad is he? My worry is instantly put at ease as he strides toward me, his smile now spread wide.

    "It''s Steve actually," I quip. "And he was just telling me that you and I should hurry up and have some babies already." Standing up on my tiptoes, I give him a peck on the cheek as he meets me.Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

    "Is that right? Well, I''m all for practicing making babies if that helps Iz?" Jamie wiggles his eyebrows at me as he wraps his arms around my waist, making be break into a giggle.

    "Don''t be gross here," I say, "the ladies will hear you."

    Turning away from him, I call out to Michelle as I grab my purse, telling her that I''m heading to lunch. She pops her head out from the back and waves at Jamie.

    "No problem," she calls, "off you two lovebirds go, enjoy!" She gives a genuine smile to us both, but all Jamie offers is a nod of his head as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads the way out.

    ??

    My lunch was devoured in about ten seconds flat. I was running late this morning and had to skip breakfast, so I was famished. Setting my cutlery down, I lean back and pat my stomach. I''m so full I could burst. Jamie laughs and wipes at the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

    "Do you really have to go back to work after this?," he asks. "I''d love you to take the afternoon off with me." His eyes sparkle with mischief as he try''s to offer up a cute pout.

    "Can''t," I say with a shrug before taking a sip of my iced tea. "We have another delivery due later and no Dayna today. I don''t like to leave the ladies to lift the amps by themselves, they''re too heavy."

    He sighs, but appears as though he''s understanding. "It''s really sweet that you look out for them like that Iz, maybe that delivery guy had it right about you."

    I stare back at him quizzically, unsure of what he''s getting at. "Steve? What do you mean?"

    "Well he can obviously see how much you care for people, and how it would make you an amazing mom."

    I almost choke on my tea as I hear the words leave his mouth.

    "Steve thinks everyone should have ten kids Jamie," I say. "He told me once that he doesn''t understand why it''s not like it used to be, when the men went to work and women raised the children at home, so I wouldn''t hitch my cart to too many of his bright ideas." I let out a small snort, rolling my eyes at the idea.

    "You dont agree with him?" Jamie stares at me across the table, curiosity in his eyes.

    "Agree with what? That women should give up every dream they have and chain themselves to the stove? Strangely, I cant say I do."

    "I suppose that''s fair," he says. "But what about kids? That''s not a bad idea right?"

    "For who?"

    "Us¡­ obviously."

    "I''m starting to find it hard to tell if you''re kidding," I say, furrowing my brows.

    The question lingers between us.

    "Why would I be kidding Izzy?"

    "Oh I dont know? Maybe the fact that I haven''t even started my career yet and you''re asking me about kids as we sit at lunch?"

    "Well when is a good time to ask about it?," he asks. "And do you even really need a career? I earn enough money for the both of us now, if things keep going this way I''ll earn enough for us to support as many kids as we want." Jamie raises his fork, stuffing the last of his oversized salad leaves into his mouth. I''m almost speechless.

    "Jamie, you know I want a career. I want to teach."

    "Don''t you think you''d be doing it by now if it was what you really wanted?"

    I blink at him in shock. He cant honestly be that brazen?

    I moved out of home as soon as I could, so it took me some time to save up the money I needed for college. I know I was a little late getting there, but it was always what I wanted. It''s still what I want, and had Jamie not ruined it for me, it''s exactly what I''d be doing right now.

    Upon noticing my surprise, Jamie doubles down.

    "I''m just saying Iz, what''s the point in you working in that dead end place or teaching when I can take care of you and whatever brood we have?" He shrugs his shoulders as if this is a no-brainer before gulping down the last of his water.

    "Dead end place?," I ask, clearly offended.

    "You know what I mean, you don''t plan to be there forever do you? And it''s going to be hard for you to start studying again, so why do it? Why not just begin the life we want?"

    "What is the life we want Jamie?"

    Jamie reaches his hand across the table, taking mine. "I think we want what everyone wants Iz. The white picket fence and the house in the suburbs. A happy family that I can spoil. I''m not saying I want kids right this second, I obviously want to wait until after we''re married."

    Married? What the hell is going on with him today?

    I''m caught so off guard that I just stare at him blankly for awhile, he''s never ever once mentioned that this is what he wanted. I mean sure, maybe its a discussion we should have had, but none of this stuff ever came up, so I figured we were on the same page. I thought he knew me. I thought he knew what I now have to break to him.

    "Jamie," I say quietly, thinking about my next sentence carefully. "I... um¡­" I meet his eyes as they glare at me with suspicion. This isn''t going to go down well, but he needs to know the reality of our future, so I clear my throat and start again.

    "I don''t think that I do want to get married. Not ever."

    "Ever?," he asks.

    "Ever," I repeat.

    "Wow." Jamie leans back in his chair, looking like I''ve just knocked the wind out of his sail. I begin to fiddle with my napkin, this conversation is probably one we should have had in private.

    "You think you''d have told me something like that sooner Izzy," he says, putting both his elbows on the table and clasping his hands together. His whole mood has changed. He''s suddenly colder. Angrier.

    "It never came up,¡± I rush to explain. ¡°I thought you knew. We''ve never talked about kids or marriage or any of that stuff before."

    "Still," he argues, "most couples are working towards that. I thought it was a given, you¡¯ve never said anything to the contrary, so what was I to think? I feel a bit caught off guard here if I''m honest Izzy."

    "It¡¯s not like I was hiding it, why would I do that? I just thought we were on the same page."

    "So what would you have done if I had proposed to you at some point over the last four years Iz? Said no?"

    "No, I''m sure we would have discussed it before that, like we are now, so I wouldn''t have needed to."

    "So you would?," he asks angrily, "You''d say no if I asked you?"

    I sit quietly for a minute. Why does he need me to say it? Why is this so important right now?

    "And what about kids?," he continues.

    "What about them?,¡± I ask.

    "Well, am I to assume you don''t want any children now too?"

    I hate this, I hate this whole discussion.

    "No," I say. "I think I might like kids someday."

    Although I feel that answer might appease him, in reality I don''t know what I want. If someone were to ask me plainly if I want children, then I''m sure my answer would be yes. But if they asked if I want children with Jamie, then I wouldn''t be so sure of it. I cant say I haven''t thought about it, but its a whole lot more complicated than a simple yes or no.

    "So you''re telling me that you''d be happy to have some bastard kids running around?," Jamie says, throwing his hands in the air. His voice reaches a pitch that causes the barista to eyeball us over the top of the coffee machine.

    "Jamie," I say in a hushed tone, trying to remind him of where we are. "Please don''t get mad about this. I mean why is it even important? How did we go from having a nice lunch to suddenly discussing having kids?"

    He huffs out a breath and folds his arms across his chest like a spoilt child. I notice his jaw flex, sending a flood of worry through me. I''m afraid that I''m not going to be able to steer this conversation to safer ground.

    "Maybe it''s something we should have been discussing sooner Izzy," Jamie says, "or did you prefer talking about it with your little friend Steve?" His eyes could burn a hole right through me as he waits for my reply, and I quickly realise that I''ve already lost any hope of making this go away.

    "Please don''t bring this back to the delivery guy," I say, intensionally avoiding calling Steve by his name. "Honestly, it was a harmless joke. This is all so silly, lets drop it and we can talk about it later, alone?" My eyes drift to the barista as she tries desperately to appear as though she''s not listening. Jamie isn''t prepared to let me off that easy though.

    "When who''s alone?," he snaps, "You and I, or you and Steve?"

    I stare down at my lap. How am I going to make this right? What is my safest response? Is there one?

    "I''m sorry," I offer. "You''re right, I shouldn''t be discussing things like that with other people, I won''t do it again." I hold my breath and wait, praying that that''s what he wants to hear.

    Thankfully, I''m in luck.

    Jamie sighs and reaches across the table again to take my hand. "I just want us to have everything we want Iz," he says.

    I look up, meeting his blue eyes. They''re as vast as the ocean, and just as terrifying too. The sad stare he''s giving me right now almost makes me believe that he truly wants what¡¯s best for both of us, but I know what he really means. He wants us to have everything that he wants, not that I''m dumb enough to argue.

    "I know," I reply, "I''m sorry."

    For now I''ll have to toe the line. Not wanting marriage is something I thought we both agreed on, but if not, that''s enough of a bombshell for today. I''m afraid of what he might do if I admit the full truth.

    "Listen," I say, reaching for my napkin and wiping my mouth, "I really need to get back to work, can we talk about this later?"

    "Sure,¡± he says, as he takes my hand and gives it a light squeeze. ¡°I¡¯m going to grab a coffee to take with me, you go ahead."

    I smile back at him before grabbing my purse and making my way back up the street to my little safe haven. I''m suddenly appreciating the store a whole lot more than I did an hour ago.

    What is Jamie thinking? Marriage? Children? How have we been on two completely different wave lengths this whole time and not known? He can''t possibly think he''s ready for any of that can he?

    My mind begins to spiral, imagining a pudgy little toddler with light brown curly hair just like his fathers, cuddling into me in fear as Jamie screams at me for forgetting something trivial from the grocery store. How would our children turn out? Afraid to stand up for themselves like me? Or would they get their daddy''s temper? What if the worst happened and Jamie decided to turn his anger on them? That thought alone is enough to root me to spot in fear.

    No.

    I won''t let it happen. There isn''t going to be any children in our future, I''ll make sure of that. I''ve been on the pill since I was seventeen, and I intend to keep it that way. Even if I have to hide it from him.

 Chapter 4

    My afternoon was slow moving, and I couldn''t get what Jamie had said out of my head.Concentrating on anything was impossible and I ended out mixing up some orders, making my day that bit harder. It took me thirty minutes just to figure out what I''d done wrong, and then another twenty to fix it, which completely delayed me unpacking the order that had arrived. By the time five o''clock rolled around I was fit to be committed.

    "Izzy?," Michelle calls from out front. "Will you be okay to lock up if Carol and I leave now? We wanted to stop off at that art exposition I told you about?"

    "Sure absolutely," I say as I step out from the stockroom. I was just finishing up stacking the amps, so I''d happily move on to some paper work out front now until I could close up at seven. Hopefully it will occupy my mind.

    "Are you sure? You''ve been a bit out of sorts since your lunch with Jamie. Is everything alright?" Michelle wears a look of concern, she always knows when I''m not quite myself, even if I try to hide it.

    As Carol approaches with both of their coats and bags in hand, I decide not to delay them with my issues.

    "Oh no, I''m just tired," I say, "you guys go ahead, have fun." I give them a genuine smile, eager to get them out the door, but the two women share a knowing look of communication between them. They think I''m lying.

    "Really," I insist, "I''m fine, don''t do that psychic thing, get going."

    "Psychic thing?," Michelle asks curiously.

    "Yeah. Y''know'', when you talk about things just by looking in each others eyes. It''s seriously creepy by the way, you should really stop doing that." I cross my arms over my chest, trying to appear confident, but I think I achieve more of a ''child pretending to be an adult'' sort of vibe.

    The two women pause for a brief moment before bursting into a fit of laugher.

    "Oh wow! Did you mean telepathy Izzy?," Carol manages to ask through her giggles.

    I cover my face with my hands, turning a beetroot colour from the neck up. "Ugh, get out of here you two," I say, "and don''t let me hear you repeat that!"

    "No problem Psychic Sally!," Michelle teases as she pulls her bag over her shoulder. "The keys are in the usual spot, feel free to lock up a little early if it''s dead here, I''ll see you in the morning." She leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek, as always.

    "Don''t forget to set the alarm," Carol warns, just like every other time I close the store too, but I wave her off.

    "Go go go, I''ve done this a hundred times!" Shooing them out the door, I still feel embarrassed as they titter away with each other.

    It irks me sometimes that Carol constantly feels the need to remind me to turn on the alarm, or to lock the doors out front and back, or to make sure that I turn out all the lights. It''s like she doesn''t fully trust me. I would never ever let anything happen to this place. I know how much it means to them, and I hate to think that either of them believe that they can''t rely on me. I need them to know they can trust me with the store. That they can trust me with anything actually.

    Jamie often tells me that I don''t come across as confident in my abilities. He says it''s in the way that I carry myself, that I don''t leave a lasting impression. I don''t know who I''m supposed to be impressing though. I never really found my confidence to be a problem before he brought it up.

    I know he just wants me to be at my best, and that he thinks he''s helping, but I''m happy to simply blend in most of the time.

    I suppose I''m pretty plain overall when I consider it. I''ve never had any real desire

    to stand out. All of my facial features are what I''d describe as ''normal''. My blonde hair sits just below my shoulder blades, and it''s been that way since I was fifteen. In the winter months I have it toned so it has more of an icy look to it and I can blend in with the season.

    I dress to my own taste, but I think it would generally be considered safe. Today I''ve went for some skinny mid blue denim jeans, paired with a red co-ord knit top and cardigan. Tomorrow I might go for vans and a band t-shirt. Dressing for my mood is what makes me feel most comfortable, so I guess I don''t have a signature style as such.

    Jamie says that I march to the beat of my own drum when it comes to what I wear. I know he doesn''t mean it as a compliment, but I take it as one regardless. He''d rather I over dressed and bought clothes from the same expensive stores his mom and sisters buy theirs. I could, but it''s not very me, so it''s like my own little act of rebellion. I almost enjoy seeing his eyes wash over me in disappointment when I come out of the bedroom some mornings. I guess he can''t really have too much of a problem with my style though, because it didn''t stop him trying to grab a handful of my ass this morning when I pulled on these jeans. I''m sure it helps too that I never let him down when we have to attend an event for his work or parents. I''ll wear whatever he wants in those situations. He needs to keep a certain appearance up, so I have no problem playing ball.

    My make up is something that I enjoy giving my time to though. My friend Mia taught me how to apply it all in high school and I''ve been obsessed since. I don''t shy away from it. I''m not a girl who can slick on a coat of mascara and head out the door. I like to use the stuff. Foundation, highlighter, bronzer, blush, I have a dozen different types of each. But I follow the rule of only using it to enhance my natural features, I don''t want to look like I''ve been gang banged by crayola or anything.

    I''ve tweaked and updated what I use over the years of course, I don''t think I could pull off the gothic eyeliner look anymore somehow. I imagine Mia might be saddened to know as much, but I lost touch with her not long after I moved in with Jamie, so I suppose she''ll never know.

    Some days, putting my face on feels a little like I''m painting on a coat of armour, one that will see me through the day. It came in handy once when Jamie left a small bruise on my cheek. I was able to cover it up without changing my routine, so no questions came of it. It''s the only time he left something visible. He was so angry that day, and over something so trivial too...

    I shake my head to refocus my thoughts and switch my attention to a guy over by the guitar strings. He''s holding two different brands while muttering to himself.

    "Hey there, can I help you with anything?," I ask, offering up my best customer service smile.

    He glances at me before looking back to the products in his hands. "You mean you don''t already know what I''m looking for?"

    "I''m sorry?" Does he think I''m a mind reader or something?

    The corners of his mouth shift upward, forming a little smirk. I slowly realise that he obviously overheard the conversation between the two ladies and I.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!

    "Oh..." My shoulders deflate a bit, and the feeling of embarrassment creeps back up my neck all over again. "I swear I know more about those guitar strings than I do about telepathy if that helps."

    There''s no way to avoid my blushes, it''s maddening that I''m even this embarrassed about it.

    The guy lets out a small chuckle, and its only then that I really notice him. His smile instantly puts me at ease. It stretches upwards on his face, leaving little wrinkles at the outer corners of his eyes. His eyes. Good God. They''re a stunning washed out emerald colour. Paired against his sallow skin tone and head of thick messy black hair, it fells like I''m in the depths of autumn. I wonder if he knows how striking he is?

    I notice his arms next. They''re completely awash with colour. A landscape of tattoos creep up both arms, disappearing under the sleeves of his shirt. The coloured detail of his body art jumps out against the plain black t-shirt and jeans combo he''s wearing. I wonder how old he is? No more than twenty eight or twenty nine I''d guess.

    I''m suddenly all too aware that he''s now staring at me expectantly. Wait, did he say something?

    "Uh¡­ sorry, what was that?," I ask.

    "I was just checking if you had some particular strings," he says as he picks up another pack off the shelf and looks at it quizzically. "I''m not having much luck though."

    "Oh, well maybe I can order them for you if we don''t have the type you want there? It usually takes about two days for them to come in, although with tomorrow being Friday, it will probably be Monday before they''re here, is that okay?"

    "I''m kind of under a bit of time pressure,¡± he explains, ¡°I need them for tomorrow night. It''s my own fault, I left it too long to replace them. I could use something else though I guess."

    He looks back over the selection we have before turning back to me.

    "Have you worked here the whole time?," he asks, throwing me by his change of topic.

    "The whole time?"

    "I don''t recognise you,¡± he says, ¡°I come in here sometimes and I figured I''d know you if you''d been here long." He blushes ever so slightly as he says that, but I see it.

    "Um, I''ve been here awhile... about two years actually."

    I meet his eyes once again, becoming transfixed. I know undoubtably that I haven''t seen him before, I would have remembered.

    There¡¯s quiet between us for a beat before I realise something.

    "Wait, are you looking for the Ernie Ball strings?"

    His head snaps up with surprise. "Those are the ones! How did you know?"

    "Did you call here yesterday? Looking for the Slinky type?"

    "Yes, that''s exactly what I''m looking for! Was that you? I thought it was someone else. Anyway I figured I''d drop in and see if they had arrived today on my way by."

    "No, it was Michelle you spoke to, but she mentioned that we only had the bass strings left after you called. I actually ordered some more already, they''ll be here in the morning. What kind do you need? I''ll double check the purchase order."

    "You''d be saving me having to play with some much shittier strings if you did," he says, looking back over the few we have. I didn''t realise they were so subpar. "It''s the super slinky ones I''m after."

    "Single?" I ask.

    He hesitates ever so slightly. "That''s a very personal question don''t you think?," he says as he folds his arms and quirks an eyebrow at me, instantly making me feel flustered as I rush to explain.

    "I meant pack size!"

    Surely he knew that? Although the way his shoulders shake with silent laughter tells me he did.

    "A three pack is ideal, but beggars can''t be choosers, I¡¯ll work with whatever you''ve ordered."

    "I''m sure I ordered them, let me check."

    We move toward the computer up front. I can feel this guys eyes on my back the whole time as he follows me, and it causes me to break out in a sweat. What is wrong with me? It''s a guy, they come in here every day!

    My blushes don¡¯t seem to lighten as he casually leans on the counter, eyeballing me as I tap away on the keyboard.

    "I wasn''t expecting someone who doesn''t know the difference between psychic abilities and telepathy to know exactly what I was looking for," he says.

    I roll my eyes at his attempt at humour. "You want those strings or not funny guy?," I ask, shooting him a look before glancing back to the screen.

    I can see the order right there, and it''s good news for him.

    "You''re in luck," I say. "They''ll be here in the morning, you want me to put some aside for you and I can give you a call when they get here?"

    "Amazing! That would be great, you''ve saved me big time. Thank you...uh¡­" He looks to where my name tag should be, but we dont use them here, never have. "Sorry, I didn''t get your name?"

    "It''s Izzy. Isobel. No, just Izzy."

    Seriously? Have I lost the ability to communicate or something?

    Humoured by my inability to speak coherently, he cocks his head to the side and stares at me like I have ten heads. "Well, ''Just Izzy'', thank you for your help. I''m Will by the way."

    "Yeah, uh sure, It''s no problem."

    Will pauses for a moment, debating something before speaking again.

    "Are you here all day tomorrow?" he asks.

    "Sure am."

    "Can I give you my number then?"

    "What?"

    "F-for the strings," he stammers as his face flushes a deep purple. "I meant, can I give you my number so you can let me know when the strings are here?"

    "Oh. Oh of course! Duh. Yeah um, here," I say as I grab a note pad and pen and clumsily pass it to him. He scribbles his number down before giving it back.

    "Thank you again," he says, "you''re a life saver."

    Finishing up, he makes his way toward the door, glancing back at me just once to give a small wave on his way out.

    "See you tomorrow" I call after him.

    The door chimes closed and I find myself burning my head in my hands on the counter. What the hell was that? I felt like a teenager talking to her first crush or something. Pathetic.

    Taking in a deep breath, I let out a sigh. Today has been weird. My head is still a mess after that conversation with Jamie, and I dont know what the heck just came over me with that guy.

    I quickly decide to take Michelle up on her offer to close up early, nobody ever comes in after six anyway.

    Thirty minutes later, after cashing out and double checking all of the lights and locks, I''m finally turning the key for the shutters, glad to be going home. I try to call Jamie to let him know I''ll be back early, but all I get is his voicemail. I don''t bother leaving a message, I''ll just see him when I get home.

    As I wait for the metal shutters to come down over the door, a voice comes from behind me.

    "Hey Mystic Meg!"

    It''s like velvet. Soothing in a way you don''t expect from a stranger. I turn to find that guy Will with his hands stuffed into his pockets and a bashful smile on his face.

    "Oh hey," I say, "sorry I''m just locking up, did you need something else?"

    "No, not at all, I was looking for you actually." His eyes glance at the sign that displays our opening hours before venturing back to me. I''m closing a good hour early here.

    "Don''t tell on me!," I joke with him.

    "Absolutely not, I''ll keep your secret. Although your moms seem pretty cool."

    I don''t correct his error, I actually find his assumption of my relationship to the ladies kind of funny, but I guess in a way I like the idea of them being my moms. It would be nice to have one around sometimes, never mind two.

    As he runs his hand through his hair nervously, I can''t help but take him in all over again. I didn''t think there was any product in his hair earlier, and it looks like I was right, because it bounces right back into place with his messy fringe falling to rest on one side of his forehead.

    "Um," he says before swallowing, "so I probably could have waited til'' tomorrow, but maybe I caught you at a good time now. Are you uh¡­ would you like to get a coffee maybe, with me?"

    He thumbs behind him to the cafe at the end of the street, the one I was in earlier with Jamie.

    I find myself locked into a stunned silence, taken aback by the fact that a total stranger has asked me out, or at least I think he''s just asked me out? I then start to wonder if that barista has finished for the day? Although why does that even matter? I can''t go anywhere with this guy.

    "Coffee?," I ask, fumbling with the store keys anxiously.

    Will puts his hands up, palms facing outward as if to appear non-threatening. "Just coffee," he says, "nothing weird I swear." His eyes give off a hint of fun that I desperately want to know more about, but this is insane right?

    "Really?," I ask.

    "Yes, just coffee," he promises, moving to place a hand over his heart.

    I mull it over. I dont know even know why, there''s no way I can go anywhere with him. It''s one hundred percent not just coffee. I know that, so I absolutely cannot go.

    Looking up, I meet his green eyes and find myself entirely hypnotised all over again.

    "Okay," I agree, "just coffee."

    THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SAY NO ISOBEL! Who am I right now?

    "But not there," I say, nodding my head towards the cafe. "There''s a place just around the corner, the coffee is much nicer."

    "Perfect," he says as he gestures for me to lead the way.

    What on earth do I think I''m doing?

    This is a really, really stupid idea.

 Chapter 5

    Will and I take small steps as we walk down the street towards the coffee shop. The space between us is so wide that you could easily fit another two people between us and still have room. The silence is deafening.

    A breeze passes us, and as it does I feel it circle my feet before running itself up my body and blowing through my hair, as if to pull me backward, warning me of what a huge mistake this bold move is.

    What am I doing? This isn''t me. I don''t agree to coffee with random guys. I have a boyfriend, and Jamie would absolutely lose his mind if he... oh god, Jamie! He never answered my call, what if he''s still nearby after our lunch earlier? I know exactly what he''d think if he caught me with some stranger. Worse than that, I know exactly what he''d do.

    "So," Will says, breaking the silence and gesturing to the gap between us. "Are you always so uncomfortable with people?" I cant tell if he''s trying to be funny or if he''s just really forward.

    "I..."

    The palms of my hands begin to break out in a sweat. I wipe them on my jeans and try to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What the hell was I thinking. How would I explain this? It''s crazy. I need to leave.

    "Hey, are you okay?," Will asks as he reaches out and touches my arm. "You look like you''re gonna'' throw up. It really is just coffee, I promise."

    He offers a smile, but I don''t look up to meet his eyes. Instead I look to where his hand now touches my arm. Something so innocent, but it feels so incredibly loaded.

    "No. I- I made a mistake," I stammer. "I shouldn''t have said yes to this, I''m sorry. I think I better go."

    As I attempt to turn myself around, I get a fuzzy kind of feeling in my head that makes me dizzy. Maybe I am going to throw up.

    "Oh, hey whoa," Will says as he stretches his hand out to catch me, but he¡¯s careful not to actually physically touch me again. "Did I say something? What''s wrong?"

    He seems genuinely concerned, I''m sure it would be sweet if I wasn''t so freaked out right now.

    "No not at all," I tell him, "you didn''t do anything. It''s me, I''m an idiot. I need to go home, I''m really sorry."

    I feel a cold sweat suddenly come over me, making my top stick to my back. What is happening?

    "What is it then?," he asks. "You can tell me. What? Am I unattractive in the daylight or something? Or do you have some big burly boyfriend that''s going to pop up and kick my ass?"

    He¡¯s trying to coax a laugh from me with his humour, but the expression on my face instantly gives me away.

    "Oh," he says, "you do have a boyfriend."

    "I do."

    He stares at me, his disappointment evident, forcing me to drop my gaze to my feet.

    "And yet you agreed to coffee with me."

    "I did."

    "And now you feel guilty."

    "I do."

    "You should."

    I look up to meet his stare, a little surprised by his honesty. He''s not looking at me in a way that tells me he intended to be cruel though. I''m not sure what it is. Sad maybe?

    This day has gone from bad to worse. Wills hands sit deep into his pockets as he waits for an explanation that I dont know how to give. I''m overwhelmed with guilt as I try to make my excuses.

    "This was... you''re a really nice guy, and it was great to meet you, I''m just... it''s just that..."

    I have to force myself to take in a deep breath in order to try and calm myself down before I attempt to continue. "Look," I explain, "I did a stupid thing, it''s been a weird day, and I''m really sorry if I made you mad."

    Will furrows his brows in confusion. "Made me mad?"

    "Yeah, this really isn''t like me at all, and I''m more than aware of how clich¨¦ that sounds, I mean for all you know I''m a serial cheater and everyone gets this sob story but-"

    A wave of panic suddenly hits me like a freight train, but it doesn''t seem to stop the incoherentbabble that leaves my mouth.

    "I''m really not that bad of a person I swear," I say. "And It''s honestly nothing you did, I just..."

    All of a sudden I¡¯m finding it hard to breathe. I rub at my throat a little, wondering if there''s something blocking my airway. No, that''s silly, I''d know. But then why am I starting to feel so light headed.

    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    "Are you alright?" Will asks, his voice full of concern.

    "Like I said," I try to continue, "I- I''ve had a bad day and I don''t know what possessed me t-to..."

    Wringing my hands, I take a look around me and notice the street signs overhead starting to blur. I try to take the air in through my nose instead to see if it makes a difference, but it''s like there''s a weight on my chest that gets heavier the more I talk, so I simply stop trying. Hopefully Will just leaves me here so I can figure this out.

    Backing up a bit, I press my hands onto the glass of the store front behind me, I need to steady myself, I need to breathe.

    Little black spots form in front of my eyes as tiny beads of sweat roll down my face. A sudden bout of nausea settles on me, and a dull weak feeling lands in my hands. Maybe my lunch didn''t agree with me earlier and wants to make a come back. Dear god, please don''t let me vomit in front of Will.

    Pinching the bridge of my nose, I aim to quiet my mind and refocus.

    I continue to try and control my breathing, changing to small gasps of air instead. Tilting my head back, I rest it against the glass behind me and close my eyes. Wills muffled voice is still there, but I''ve no idea what he''s saying because I cant concentrate. It feels like I''m lost in a weighted ocean thats gripping my whole chest, squeezing all of the oxygen from my lungs as I desperately try to keep my head above the water. Christ, what is this?

    There''s a heavy tug on my arm, followed by the faint click of a door. The next thing that I''m aware of is counting.

    "C''mon," Will demands. "Do it with me. Breathe in, 1,2,3,4, hold it, 1,2,3,4, and let it out, 1,2,3,4, now rest, 1,2,3,4."

    My lungs burn, and I can feel my lips begin to quiver as his hands cup mine.

    "Okay," he says, "again."

    I shadow what he''s doing as he guides me through the confusion.

    "In, 1,2,3,4, hold it there, 2,3,4, and out 2,3,4, and rest, 2,3,4."

    I continue the count in my head, breathing in and holding as Will instructs. It''s weird, but for whatever reason I feel like it''s helping. I¡¯ve no idea what this is, or why it¡¯s happening to me, but I¡¯m grateful that Will is here right now.

    After an endless amount of counting and breathing with him, I finally start to draw in air a little easier, as if I''m bursting through some imaginary chains that are locked aroundmy lungs.

    Opening my eyes up to look around, I keep the count going as I check out my surroundings. Will must have brought me into the building I was clinging to outside. It''s a tanning salon that¡¯s a few doors down from Strings & Things. We didn''t make it far at all.

    There''s a girl sitting behind the counter near the front, she''s pretending that she wasn''t just watching me. I kind of recognise her from seeing her come and go. She looks up to meet my stare and offers a sympathetic smile, I nod my head in acknowledgement, feeling completely mortified.

    "Keep counting," Will says, pulling my focus back to him. "Let the air in, be aware of it."

    I stare at him now. He must have sat me down when he brought me in. The rubber soles of his converse pinch at the stress points as he squats in-front of me. We''re in the tiny waiting area of the salon. The stiff blue plastic chair that I sit on is hurting the back of my legs the longer I sit, but at least no one else is here.

    My eyes shift to our hands, Will is tapping the back of my mine softly with his finger, silently drumming the count so I don''t lose track. The girl behind the counter is typing away on her keyboard, and the clacking of her acrylic nails hitting the buttons is becoming a distraction, but I try to keep myself in the moment.

    This is terrifying. Why did it feel like I was dying or something? The sting of tears hits me as little pools form in my eyes, but I''ll be damned if I''m going to cry in-front of this guy. I tip my head back and look up at the stained foam roof tiles, relying on gravity to help me out by stopping any tears from cascading over and flowing down my face like the tell tale sign of weakness they are.

    Will grants me the kindness of acting like he doesn''t see anything and stands up, telling me he''ll be back in a minute as he approaches the front desk. He looks back to check on me as my gaze follows him.

    Reading the name tag that''s pinned to her top, Will flashes the girl behind the counter a smile. Lindsey. He asks her for a cup of water, pointing to the cooler behind her. She glances over at me yet again, I must look pitiful sitting here as she frowns disapprovingly. Her eyes draw back to Will. She can''t say no to him either it seems, and she passes a little white plastic cup of water over the counter to him after she fills it. Her dimples sink deep into her cheeks as she bats her eyelashes at him before shooting me another look the second he turns his back to her.

    I feel silly as Will hands over the drink. I avoid his eyes and use the back of my hand to wipe at my own, taking away the blur in my vision. Gulping the water down hungrily, I dont worry at all about how in-feminine it might seem. My mouth feels dryer than the vanilla sponge cake that Carol made for my birthday last year, and this water is the only thing that will quench it.

    Handing the empty cup back, I inhale one more big steady breath through my nose and begin to feel calmer. Will hunkers down in front of me again, placing both his hands on the chair at either side of my knees.

    "Are you feeling okay?," he asks.

    I''m not sure what he''s looking for but he places the palm of his hand to my forehead to check me over.

    "I''m fine, I''m really sorry about this," I say, still not making eye contact. "I''m not sure what that was, I must be coming down with something."

    He leans back slightly, a bizarre look on his face."Are you kidding? You don''t know what that was?"

    "N-no?"

    "Isobel, that was a panic attack."

    "It''s just Izzy."

    "Really? That''s your worry right now? Izzy."

    "I don''t get panic attacks," I say, "I''ve never had one, I really don''t know what it was."

    "Trust me, That''s exactly what it was. I''ve had the pleasure of a couple myself."

    "Are you sure? Maybe I''m just sick, or hungry. I only had lunch today, maybe that''s all it is."

    "I''m positive," Will insists. "It was a bad one too. You should stay here for a little bit, you need to rest."

    Lindsey must hear us talking, and the idea of us staying here obviously doesn''t please her, because she quickly clears her throat to get our attention. I think we both forgot she was even there.

    "Yeah, hi, so are you guys going to like, use a bed or anything?," she asks. "That area is strictly for customers only."

    Her eyes bounce from me to Will but settle on him of course.

    Will shakes his head in disbelief as he frowns at her.

    "Yeah, hey Lindsey, how about you go right ahead and shove your tanning bed up your ass for me alright? She just needs a minute."

    My head snaps back around to look at Will in shock. Is he not aware that this girl would literally strip naked for him right now if he asked? And she''s gorgeous too. Barbie blonde hair, tall tanned legs that stretch for days. Theres no way he didn''t notice her interest.

    "You can''t talk to me like that!" Lindsey snaps, placing her hand on her hip as she points to the door. "You need to leave right now or I''m calling the police."

    "Fine. No problem," Will replies, giving her a tight grin before grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. "You''re fantastic at this whole customer service thing by the way," he says to her, "you really found your calling."

    Will leads the way out, dragging me with him toward the door as he gives Lindsey an earful. I look back to see her mouth agape, I actually almost feel sorry for her.

    "Asshole!," she calls after Will as she throws him her middle finger.

    "Wow, what a peach," he says, giving her a wave as the door closes behind us. This is all so insane.

    Outside, Will doesn''t seem any calmer.

    "Fuck, what a bitch," he mumbles to himself as he turns back to me and places his hands on my shoulders. He drops down slightly to meet my height. "Hey, let''s go to that coffee place you mentioned, you need to sit down for awhile. I promise you''ll be fine, you just need to take a breather."

    I pull back from him, shrugging from his grip.

    "No honestly," I say, "I''m feeling okay, other than being really embarrassed anyway. I''ll just go wait in my car for a little bit and then head home, don''t worry."

    "You said it was this way right?," he says as he takes my hand again and leads me towards the street corner, completely ignoring what I just said.

    I huff a little but don''t protest too much, I dont have the energy for it.

    I guess we''re going to get that coffee after all.

 Chapter 6

    ''Dean''s Beans'' hangs above the door of the coffee shop Will and I arrive at. I really do hope its better than the cafe or I''m going to be caught in two lies by him today.

    Plopping myself down into a chair, I rest my hands on my lap. I still feel a little off, and knowing that I shouldn''t be here is making it worse.

    "You want anything?," Will asks as he throws an eye over the menu board behind the counter.

    "Yes please, a cappuccino would be nice, thank you."

    "You can''t have that," he says.

    Is this guy serious? Thirty seconds into this and he''s telling me what I can or can''t have.

    Noticing my obvious annoyance, Will sits into the booth, facing me.

    "Sorry," he sighs as he explains himself, "I don''t mean that you can''t have it, I just meant that caffeine isn''t a great idea when you''re experiencing panic attacks."

    "A panic attack," I clarify. "Singular. And I''m not even sure that''s what it was."

    "Izzy," he says, "that is exactly what is was." His insistence is close to irritating, but I cant get upset with his efforts to help me.

    "Okay, so maybe just a milkshake then?" I ask.

    He bites his lip.

    "Oh c''mon, what''s wrong with a milkshake?" This is getting a little silly.

    "The sugar probably isn''t great either... maybe a coffee shop wasn''t the best place to bring you."Will sits back against the leather seat, a little unsure of what to do. I cant hide the laugh that escapes me.

    "Alright," I say, "I''ll just have a water with ice, that okay?"

    "It kinda makes me look like a cheapskate, but I''ll make an exception here."

    "Thanks," I call after him as he goes to order our drinks.

    My mind wanders the whole time he''s gone. That attack or whatever it was, was one of the most terrifying things I''ve ever experienced. I think back over the moments before it started, trying to understand. I was so worried about Jamie knowing where I was, or what I was doing. The fear I seem to have of him is overwhelming.

    We can''t keep going like this. All the fighting is too much. And we are absolutely not on the same page about the future. How can I fix all of this? Fix me, fix him. Make it all work somehow.

    As I explore the mess that is my life, I realise how naive it was to believe that marriage and children were somehow just never going to come up. We are at that stage of our lives now I suppose. Jamie is only twenty-seven, but a lot of his friends are starting to settle down. We''ve been to three weddings in the last twelve months alone, with two more save the date cards stuck to our refrigerator. Did I really not see this coming?

    Maybe he''s feeling the pressure and thinks it''s what he has to do. Although I know Jamie, he rarely lets anyone pressure him into anything. If he wants to do it, its because he''s decided to.

    My thoughts are interrupted as Will sits my water down in front of me. I thank him, looking curiously at his styrofoam cup. I wonder if I can guess what''s inside it? Is he a tea kind of guy? I don''t see a string hanging over the side so I doubt it. Maybe it''s a caramel latte or something, he does seem kind of quirky in a way. If he didn''t have a lid on it, it would be much easier to guess.

    I''m enjoying my little slice of entertainment when I notice him staring at me, his head cocked to the side like he''s watching a dog play with a toy.

    "What are you thinking about?" he asks unexpectedly.

    I hold his gaze for a moment, deciding not to share my silly game in the hope that I can still get it right.

    "I''m thinking that I wanted to thank you for what you did," I say quietly. "I''m sure I''d still be a sweaty mess back there if you didn''t know what to do."

    "Don¡¯t mention it," he says, "I''m just glad you''re okay, and I''m sorry if it was all of this that set it off somehow." He takes a sip from his cup, blowing into the little opening to cool it down first. Maybe it''s a mocha. Although, for some reason, I just can''t picture him enjoying that.

    "I dont know what caused it," I say with a shrug, "like I said back there, it''s been a really weird day."

    He nods along thoughtfully, but remains unconvinced.

    "Well either way, the main thing is that you''re alright."

    We sit in silence for a little bit as I let it all sink in, taking sips of our drinks and listening to the chit chat of the conversations around us. I''m relieved to find that my chest isn''t feeling so tight anymore.

    "So that breathing thing you told me to do was pretty good. Where did you learn that?," I ask.

    "It''s called box breathing,¡± he says. ¡°That one has always worked for me, it gives you something to focus on rather than whats happening to you. You should look into it a bit, see what works for you. You''ll wanna'' get very familiar with all the different kinds of techniques if the panic starts to become a regular thing."

    "God I hope not." I mumble. "Do attacks like that happen to you often?"

    "I haven¡¯t had anything that extreme in a couple of years, but I''ve learnt to manage it well. I had my first one when I was seventeen, and then they kinda'' just snowballed from there. It took awhile for me to do anything about it though. It was another four years before I saw a therapist, I stopped messing around with stupid stuff and tried to get a handle on things. It can take a bit of time to get to the root of it. Its not always cut and dry."

    I quickly try to do some rough math in my head to get an idea of Wills age, but he hasn''t quite given me enough to go on.

    He smirks over at me as if he can read my mind. "I''m thirty one," he says.

    A flush of embarrassment runs over me. "Was it that obvious I was counting?"

    "You were just short of adding it up on your fingers," he says with a chuckle. I''ll have to work on my poker face it seems.

    "Well," I say, "just to save you any internal guessing, I''m twenty five."

    "Twenty-five?" His eyes widen a little. "Wow, why does that sound so young? Not that you look any older of course, I probably should have guessed".

    I start to contemplate what kind of coffee an older man might drink, not that Will is in any way geriatric. I imagine someone that old might simply enjoy a warm milk. Gosh I hope he''s not drinking that. I stop wondering the moment I realise that he''s waiting for me to speak again. In my haste to fill the silence, I say something stupid.

    "A six year age gap is nothing at our age is it?"

    I''ve no idea why I said that. Maybe to make him feel more comfortable, but it doesn''t matter really, because we won''t know each other after this encounter. I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend I neglected to tell him about when he first asked me for coffee. Oh great, here comes the guilt again¡­

    I stare down at my hands, picking at the skin around my thumbs as an uneasy feeling devours me before I speak up again.

    "I''m sorry... for um¡­ for the whole boyfriend thing." My shame seeps from every pour. "I shouldn''t have done that. Well, I shouldn''t have done this," I say as I wave my hand in a small circle between us.

    Will meets my eyes, there¡¯s a look of annoyance on his face and I can tell his teeth are slightly clenched, but he doesn''t make me feel any worse about it.

    "It''s fine," he says, "forget it, for all I know you thought it really was just a friendly coffee. I can''t be upset about that can I?"

    We both know he''s trying to let me off the hook. I''m curious to know why he''s being so sweet about it rather than chewing me out, I know Jamie would.

    "No?," I ask, "You said yourself that I should feel guilty about it, and I do. So I think its important to say it. I did the wrong thing, I should have been honest with you from the start."

    As he draws his cup to his lips once again, I eye it, becoming determined to guess the contents. Surely it''s not anything with the words ''skinny'', or ''low fat'' in front of it?

    "Well, now it really is just coffee I guess," he says with a shrug. "No harm done."

    His smile is soothing in a way that I can''t describe, and the low lights of the coffee shop only seem to highlight the colour of his eyes to me.

    "Now it is," I agree.

    I decide there and then that he has to be drinking an americano. There''s no doubt about it. Will is honest to a point that it''s blunt, saying what he means with no real frills, just like his chosen beverage. I wonder if he''s even added milk.

    We talk for another little while, slipping into a comfortable conversation about our lives. I finally reveal to him that Michelle and Carol are not in fact my moms, but close enough. I don''t bother getting into the details of my own mom, other than the fact that she passed.This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

    I find out that he''s not originally from Ardeen or Cleveland, or even Ohio for that matter, but from a little town in Denver, Colorado, He moved here to live with his dad at fourteen after his parents got divorced. His dad was originally from here, and always wanted to come back, so both Will and his sister uprooted their lives and came along for the ride.

    We laugh over the fact that we''ve probably been to a lot of the same places at the same time, considering how our interests are so similar. I talk to him about how difficult it was to decide to drop out of collage, minus the Jamie and Zach detail of course. I simply lie and tell him that the teaching position just didn''t work out.

    He reveals that he never went to college at all. Unfortunately, circumstance dictated that for him too.

    Wills father died suddenly just as he was finishing high school. It meant that both his dads house and business were left to Will and his older sister. It was around this time that his panic attacks started, so he made the decision to handle the chaos that was happening in his life rather than add to it. I can''t imagine having to make the choices he had to make at that age.

    He and his sister sold the house and both bought apartments of their own eventually. He says that it''s mostly her that runs the business now. It''s hospitality of some sort, but he''s pretty vague about it. Will helps out with the financing and paperwork side of things, which leaves him a bunch of free time to work on his music and his band, hence the guitar strings. Apparently the band is pretty well known around Cleveland and some other places. I wouldn''t know I suppose, Jamie and I don''t often go to see live music anymore. He prefers restaurants and theatre.

    I used to see a lot of bands with my sister Sarah. She''s a big music fan too, always going to different gigs around town, the kids don''t slow her down in that sense. I could sometimes drag Jamie to the odd show, but I''ll admit it''s been a while since I last tried.

    Will and I continue to talk music for a long time. I can''t seem to shut up yapping about my grandfather and all of the things he taught me to play. I also sit and listen almost star stuck as he tells me some more details about his band, Small Edit. He says they picked the name because every time one of them would write a song, Will would come along and make some of those said ''small edits'' to it, and it kind of just stuck and became an inside joke. It''s not all that funny from the outside, but I smile as he tells the story anyway, because it¡¯s the way he tells it that makes it sound interesting.

    He mentions another bandmate a few times, Adam I think, or maybe Aidan? I''m not sure. He''s so passionate about it all that he''s speaking a mile a minute and I''m struggling to keep up. He animatedly gushes about his songs and plans for their future. They need another guitarist on board, and they''ve been looking for awhile. It¡¯s only recently that they found somebody who they want to try out. Will is reluctant because it''s only been the three members for so long, but he knows overall that they''d sound better if they added a little more dynamic. The whole conversation really sparks something in him, it''s fascinating to watch.

    Will begins to tell me about a show they played a few weeks ago, but it somehow sounds eerily familiar¡­

    "So the power got cut out,¡± he explains, ¡°but we knew we couldn''t just stop so-"

    "So you played the rest of the set acoustically," I say, finishing his sentence for him.

    He sits back in , totally taken by surprise.

    "Yeah¡­ how''d you know that?," he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.

    "This is so weird," I say, "but I''m pretty sure that my sister was there. She told me all about it, it sounded amazing." A sudden realisation now dawns on me.

    "Hold on, did you say your friends name was Adam?"

    "Yeah, why?"

    I pull my phone from my pocket and head straight to Sarah''s Instagram page.

    "Sorry," I explain, "I''m not trying to be rude. I think you might know my sister Sarah, I''m pretty sure she''s friends with Adam." I smile weakly, half hoping that I might have this wrong.

    "No way?," Will says skeptically, "Let me see her."

    I scroll through my phone, coming to Sarah''s picture and holding it up for him. "She''s invited me to see a band her friend Adam plays in a million times. I''ve never met him, but I know for sure that she told me that story recently."

    Lo and behold, Will does indeed know Sarah.

    "Get out of here!" he exclaims, "Tully is your sister?" He smiles over at me, humoured by our odd connection.

    Tully is our surname, a lot of Sarahs friends seem to call her by it. Is Will her friend too?

    "I don''t know her that well," he says, "but you''re right, she and her husband are good friends with Adam."

    I''m unsure why, but I feel a little relief upon hearing that.

    "What a small world," I murmur as I slide my phone back into my pocket.

    "It sure is,¡± Will says as as an air of mischief fills his voice. ¡°I wonder if Adam will tell her that I tried to bang her little sister."

    My jaw drops at the suggestion, but Will doesn''t seem to notice my discomfort.

    Actually," he says, slapping his hand onto the table playfully. "Y''know what? I''ll tell her myself when I see her tomorrow night!"

    "Please don''t do that," I say, rolling my eyes at the thought. "We agreed to coffee Romeo, you didn''t try to bang anyone. And what''s tomorrow night anyway?"

    "Oh, we''re playing a gig at that place, The Assembly, you should come, bring your boyfriend along if you want."

    I pause with shock, he can''t be serious? This is his first mention of Jamie since I told him that he existed, but it''s clear that he''s genuine with that offer. I start to feel that somewhat familiar feeling that I had outside the tanning salon all over again as a prickly heat rises up my back. I swallow it back down with some more water before replying.

    "That''s probably not a good idea," I say as I play with the straw in my cup.

    "Why not? I won''t tell him I was trying to get you into bed if that''s what you''re worried about?"

    "Hey! Thats the second time you''ve said that,¡± I say, scolding him. ¡°I hate to break it to you, but this was never going to be anything more than coffee Will."

    "Oh please," he says with a smirk, "if you think for a second that I wasn''t originally intending to get you back to my place, you clearly don''t have a wild enough imagination."

    Wills cocky demeanour pulls an odd reaction out of me, and I find myself beginning to blush.

    His words didn''t come across as rude, in fact they thrill me. You know the kind of feeling you get when you first meet somebody you like? Or the first time you kiss them? That''s exactly it. I quite like Wills mischievous streak. I''d be willing to bet that there is milk in his coffee after all. Possibly sugar too.

    I avoid addressing his remark. My reddened cheeks are enough of a reply.

    "Jamie doesn''t really like music that much." I say, giving my excuse. "And I''m not sure how I''d even explain knowing you anyway."

    "I''m not trying to encourage you to lie to the guy or anything Isobel," Will says, "but can''t you just say we met at the music store? It''s technically true, and besides, going back to my place is definately off the table now anyway, so he has nothing to worry about there."

    Will lets out a little laugh at what is an obvious joke, but I feel this weird sting of sadness hit me as he says it, and find myself blurting out the first thought that comes to me.

    "Is it?"

    Oh god, I wish my mouth had a reverse button to combat my stupidity.

    "S-Sorry," I stammer, trying to pull my words back. "That''s not what I meant, I meant to say it is! Because of course it is... off the table I mean... I-I agree with you".

    Jesus christ, I must be a glutton for punishment. That''s the only way to explain why I keep putting my foot in my mouth with this guy. What did I mean by that anyway?

    Will studies me, managing to make me feel even more embarrassed. He places his cup down on the table and sits back in his chair, thinking carefully about what he wants to say.

    "I better tell you something now," he says with a serious tone, "so that you can decide how we leave here."

    My nerves are making me feel sick to my stomach, but I listen intently, keeping my eyes trained on him.

    "I need you to understand that I will never ever knowingly touch somebody else''s girlfriend," he says, "not ever." His face looks disgusted at the mere idea of it.

    I nod my head, unsure how to react.

    "Thats... that''s fine," I say meekly. "I didn''t say I wanted you to do otherwise did I?"

    That sentence even tastes like a lie as it spills out. But it''s not a lie though right? I love Jamie. I don''t want anybody else.

    Will lets out a sigh, disappointed by my lack of conviction.

    "I''ve been on the other side of that situation Isobel," he continues. "It''s a shitty thing to have happen to you." He looks away from me and swallows hard, trying to keep some form of emotion down. I have to pull this back somehow.

    "I''m sorry that happened to you Will, but I really wasn''t suggesting that I wanted to-"

    "I just need you to know," he says, looking me dead in the eye and not letting me finish. "That regardless of anything else, I won''t do that. So if you''re looking for a little escape from your vanilla life or whatever, I''m not your guy. I think you''re kind of cool, and I''m sure we could be friends, but that''s it."

    His words hit me like a punch in the gut. ''Looking for a little escape... vanilla life''.

    I find myself becoming irritated. Will doesn''t know me. How dare he!

    I lean across the table, pinning him in place with a glare.

    "Look," I say, "I know I did a stupid thing by agreeing to come here, and that you don''t really know me, but I am not some kind of slut Will. Coming here for a cup of coffee with you, or water in this case, does not equate to me wanting to sleep with you. I didn''t try to do anything except go home before we even got here, so don''t make me out to be some dick crazy girl who''s after you, because that''s not the case."

    I feel a fire in my belly as I set him straight, but he just continues to sit back in his chair, examining me as he drums his thumb on the table. The look on his face leaves me with the impression that I''ve somehow humoured him.

    "You pout when you''re mad, do you know that?," he says. There''s a smirk on his face, and he holds my eyes until I finally break and smile back at him.

    "I do not," I say with a flush in my cheeks.

    Will clears his throat, acknowledging the little speech I just gave. "Okay,¡± he says, ¡°fair enough. I think we might be on the same page here. However I do want to clear up one thing that you mentioned."

    Oh god, what did I say wrong now?

    Placing his elbows onto the table, Will leans in like he wants to tell me a secret.

    "You said that this was always going to be coffee and nothing more right?"

    "Right."

    "Wrong. Because I can tell you without a doubt, that if there was no boyfriend involved here Isobel, then you''d be in my bed screaming my name right this very second. I knew that the moment I saw you walking around that store in those tight little jeans of yours, and I can guarantee you that there would have been no way in hell I''d have waited for a second date before I peeled them off of you and fucked your brains out."

    My eyes go wide as I almost drop my cup. For a split second I let my mind consider that alternate reality, feeling every word of what he just said between my legs. But as speechless as I may be, I absolutely can''t give him the upper hand here.

    "You''re pretty sure of yourself." I say, sitting back and acting like his words have had no effect on me.

    "I am." He wears a shit eating grin on his face that I''m desperate to wipe off.

    "Screaming your name huh? Is that what normally happens for you with your groupies?"

    "I guess-so," he sing-songs.

    "And what was it again?" I ask.

    "What was what?"

    "Your name?"

    Pausing to enjoy the look of confusion on his face, I know that I''ve made us even. It''s then that he realises what I''m doing, and a grin of my own appears.

    "Well that''s just rude Isobel," he says, pretending to be insulted, "at least I paid you a compliment."

    I let out a laugh, feeling triumphant before glancing at the clock that''s hanging above the bathroom door. Seven thirty-five. That can''t be right, can it? I double check my watch to be sure.

    "Shit!" I exclaim, jumping from my seat and hitting my thighs off the side of the table, knocking our empty cups over in the process.

    "Whoa, easy, are you okay?" Will stands and puts his hand out to steady me.

    "Yes, sorry, I just didn''t realise the time, I should be home by now."

    Pulling out my phone, I check for any missed calls from Jamie, but theres nothing, thats good. I look to Will again.

    "Listen, thank you so much for today. I genuinely don''t know what I would have done without you."

    "Don''t sweat it," he says, "really."

    As Will stands, he grabs both our cups and walks them to the trash.

    I double check I have all of my belongings before I edge my way to the door.

    "I''ll call you tomorrow Will, for the strings. And I promise I won''t take any offence if you don''t answer and never come back after all of this."

    He shakes his head at me. "I don''t have a choice, it''s too hard to get those strings anywhere else."

    I let him away with his little jab and get going. I''m half way out the door before I decide to turn back and call after him again.

    "Hey, by the way, what kind of coffee did you have?"

    He looks a little bewildered as he shrugs his shoulders. "It was just an americano."

    "Anything in it?"

    "Milk and a little sugar, why?"

    "No reason,¡± I say with a smile, ¡°I''ll call you tomorrow Will, bye".

    Feeing a little smug, I rush out the door and down the street towards my car. My phone starts to ring just as I climb into the driver seat. It''s Jamie.

    "Hey,¡± I say, attempting to sound calm as I answer. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m late, I got held up."That''s not a lie.

    "Oh, is everything alright?"

    "Yeah of course. You know me and the ladies, yap, yap, yap." Okay, that''s a lie.

    "Will you be long?," he asks, "I''m starving!"

    "I''ll be about thirty minutes. You go ahead and eat without me, I''ll reheat whatever we''re having."

    "I haven''t made anything, I was waiting for you."

    I feel a little annoyance chip away at me. He means he''s waiting on me to cook, I always do it. What has he been doing all afternoon?

    A pang of guilt quickly hits me, whatever it was, I bet he wasn''t agreeing to coffee dates with total strangers. I am so going to hell.

    "Why don''t I treat us to take out?," I suggest, as if that¡¯s going to erase all of my guilt.

    "Yeah I guess that will work... hey next time can you call if you''re going to be late? Save me waiting around like an idiot."

    "Sure Jamie, I''m sorry, time just got away from me".

    "It''s fine, I''ll order some Chinese. You want the usual?"

    "Please".

    "Cool. Hurry up okay?"

    "Yeah, I''ll be home soon... bye".

    Turning my key in the ignition, I switch on the radio as the whole day hits me. I suddenly realise just how exhausted I am from it. This has been the weirdest, scariest most unusual day I¡¯ve had in a long time. And yet all I can think about is how good Wills words made me feel moments ago.

    Pulling out, I join a string of traffic, hopeful that the music I''m playing will drown out all of my scattered thoughts and carry me home.

 Chapter 7

    The evening passed by a whole lot smoother than my day did thankfully. Jamie and I cuddled up on the sofa after our take out and watched TV. For whatever reason, he made no mention of the future plans he had been discussing at lunch. Maybe he realised how freaked out it made and was happy to let it rest. All I know is that I was glad he didn''t bring it up, because I was feeling so guilty about the whole Will thing that I might have gave in and agreed to anything he wanted then and there.

    I woke up to him kissing my forehead after I''d fallen asleep on him. This is how I love him. Sweet and thoughtful, this is the Jamie that I know and love most of the time.

    We drag ourselves off to bed and I wrap myself in his arms until I hear him slip off to sleep. My mind drifts back to Will, forcing me to face the ugly truth of how stupid I was today. I never want Jamie to know just how close I came to messing it all up with a complete stranger. I don''t even recognise the person I was. I''d never want to do that to him. Not ever.

    "He did it to you though," a little voice in my head whispers, bringing up one of those memories from the locked box I keep.

    Yes, Jamie had cheated on me. Once. It was during the first few months of our relationship. But things are entirely different now though. We live together, we share a life, we have some sort of future, a little messy and unknown right now, but a future none the less.

    Back then, he said we were still figuring it all out, and that it wasn''t a big deal. It felt like a big deal to me, but I wanted him. I loved him.

    Jamie never came out himself and admitted his indiscretion to me, he said that he was too ashamed. The girl he had cheated on me with found me on social media and told me everything in a message. She said she hadn¡¯t even known I existed until she saw me in a photo with Jamie.

    He begged for forgiveness, said he''d made a stupid mistake at a Christmas party, who hadn''t? At least that''s what he thought. So I let it go.

    He would never do that to me now though, I''m sure of it. And I won''t do it to him either. I decide to push the whole thing down, promising myself that I''ll never be so reckless again before fitfully drifting off to sleep.

    ??

    When I arrived into work this morning, I had only one thing on my agenda. Avoid Will.

    The first thing I had to do was accept the delivery of infamous guitar strings. I waited an hour for Carol and Michelle to come in just so I could get Carol to call him instead of me. I had decided to completely separate myself from him going forward.

    I then made the strategic choice to spend my day relaying the stock room. I''ve been meaning to do it anyway, but it''s also my best shot at not seeing Will when he gets here. I convince myself that when he''s gone, I can put this whole stupid mess behind me.

    In one sense it feels like I¡¯m punishing myself. The stockroom here is a disaster, and that¡¯s putting it kindly. We¡¯re often so busy with everything else in the store that we¡¯ve let it become a dumping ground.

    Not too long into my self inflicted labour, I''m hauling boxes from one end of the stockroom to the other when I hear my name from out front, and realise that Michelle has been calling me out at the register.

    "You okay out here?" I ask, stepping out to check on her.

    "I sure am," she says cheerfully, "but you have a visitor."

    Her eyes guide me to where Will waits by the speaker cables. I should have known that he¡¯s ask for me. I''m covered in dust head to toe and sweating from lugging things around all morning. But him? Well he is glorious. I''d even go as far as to say that he''s made an extra effort for somebody. The smell of his cologne alone is almost enough to make me abandon my plan of ghosting him.

    "Hey Will," I say, feeling a slight blush warm my cheeks. He already has the strings in hand, so he doesn''t really need to see me at all. Why didn¡¯t I tell Michelle that I wanted to avoid him? I could have made up an excuse, this would all be so much easier if I had.

    I step out from behind the register, hoping to walk him towards the door and get this over with. All of Michelles attention is on us, and she has this weird knowing grin plastered on her face. Is she trying to signal me with her eyes or something? What is she doing? I frown at her, forcing her to drop the smile. Maybe I have this telepathy thing down too.

    Will has this unbelievably radiant look about him, like he''s glowing from the inside out. He seems like a genuinely happy person, while I feel like a dark cloud that''s here to paint his day grey.

    "Hey, how are you doing?," he asks. "I wanted to check on you after yesterday."

    Wonderful. He''s stunning and thoughtful, this is going to be like kicking a small animal.

    "Thanks," I say, leading us further away from Michelles earshot. "I''m fine now, please don''t worry about it. I''m sure it was a once off."

    My eyes roam over his fitted white button down. The short sleeves display all

    of the artwork on his arms, while the torso of it clings to him like it were made to his exact measurements. He''s killing me here.

    "Sorry, I''m a bit of a mess," I explain. "I''m doing some work out back."

    I try to brush myself down, but I''m not very successful. The dust sticks to my clothes as I blow my hair away my forehead in vain.

    "No, you look great don''t be silly. Listen, um, have you had lunch yet?"

    Oh no, I''ve got to nip this whole thing in the bud right now.

    "No she hasn''t!," a stern voice cuts over us. It''s Carol. I didn''t see her hovering behind me among the empty boxes. "I''ve told her twice now to go get some," she says as she eyes Will with suspicion. "Izzy who''s your friend? Is he going to feed you or am I?"

    What timing.

    "I''m not hungry," I insist. "Carol, this is Will. Will, Carol." The introduction is short and to the point, but also needless. I try giving Carol a look so she knows not to push it, but her focus stays glued to this new stranger as she stretches her arm out to shake his hand.

    "You''re not off the hook Izzy," she says, "You''re exhausting yourself, go with your friend. Eat or I''ll fire you."

    Carol is always full of these empty threats, she must say that she''ll fire me at least once a week, but I know when to push back and when to do as I''m told, and right now its the latter. I''ve noticed her watching me these last few days, and I don''t want to worry her.

    My eyes fall to Will as he gestures to the front door with a self-satisfied look on his face. "Well, it sounds like you''re coming with me."

    Great. I begrudgingly go and grab my wallet from out back. So much for sticking to the plan.

    As we step outside, the hot air hits my face and the sunshine instantly makes me feel happier. There''s no windows in the stockroom, so I didn''t realise I was missing it.

    I feel Will¡¯s attention on me, so I speak up before he has a chance to suggest going to get some food.

    "I''m really not all that hungry," I say, "and I''ve a lot to do back there. I think I might just grab a bottle of water and go back."

    He seems unsure of what to do with that, if not a little disappointed.

    "Okay, sure, whatever you need." He shrugs and pulls some sunglasses from his pocket, putting them on. Probably best that he hides those emeralds from me.

    "There''s a bench free over there," he says,gesturing behind me. "Why don''t you sit down and I''ll run to the kiosk around the corner and grab us some water."

    He doesn''t seem to sense my need to cut this short, or at least if he does he''s ignoring it, because he¡¯s out of sight before I can protest. I go ahead and take a seat.

    Pulling my hair back off my face, I tie it into a bun and close my eyes, soaking up all of the sun I can get. I needed out of that little room more than I realised.

    As I wait, I find myself wishing that I were anywhere else but here. I start to imagine myself spread out on a towel at the beach, enjoying the heat on my skin when I''m suddenly startled by the feeling of an ice cold block against my cheek. I flinch and open my eyes to see Will smiling down at me as he holds out my water. I grumble out a thank you and move over a bit.

    "So I got you something," he says shyly as he sits down beside me and hands me a book.

    "Actually I didn''t get it for you, it''s mine, but I think it''s something you could use".

    I turn the book over, examining it as I do. It''s thin, and the spine has little tiny cracks all over it. I can see that a lot of the pages have been dog eared without even having to open it. The cover has big block white lettering that sits on a purple background. ''The Power Of Four. A self help guide to breathing your way to a calmer world''.Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

    "A self help book?," I ask curiously, holding it up. I always thought these were a bit gimmicky, but I''m not about to be rude about it.

    "I know, it''s not normally my thing either," Will says, "but it really helped me. Just read it, put it into action when you need and I promise it will help a little".

    I can''t believe he''d give me this, it''s so sweet of him.

    "Thank you," I say, a little stunned by his kindness, "but are you sure you don''t need it?"

    "I''ve read that thing cover to cover easily eight times, it can''t help me any more than it already has. And hey, if I happen to forget something, I can always call you and borrow it right?"

    "You could if you had my number," I say thoughtlessly.

    "I guess you can give it to me now then."

    With that Will pulls his phone from his pocket and unlocks it before handing it over to me. I can¡¯t tell if that was a really smooth move or just opportunistic.

    "You''re really serious about us being friends aren''t you?," I ask.

    He looks at me funny. "What do you mean?"

    "Well, do you make the effort to be friends with every girl that turns you down romantically?"

    Wills mouth drops open, all be it with a bit of a smile.

    "Wait," he says, "are you trying to say that you turned me down? You''re kidding right?"

    "No, I''m just saying, I don''t get why you''re trying so hard here, you could have picked up your strings and left. I''m sure you''re not short of friends Will."

    "No, you''re right," he says, "I''m not, but I got the feeling that you might be."

    Ouch. I mean he¡¯s not wrong, but still.

    I do have friends, just not any that I see very often. It''s not because I''m a crappy friend or anything. It''s just that, I suppose I''ve settled down now, this happens. You meet someone, see your friends less, talk less, then you eventually lose touch with some of them. That''s life.

    "I also think you''re kind of interesting Isobel," Will continues. "Like a puzzle of some kind."

    "Ah, and let me guess," I retort, "you''d like to figure me out?"

    "In a manor of speaking."

    Staring down at his phone screen, I know I should have a spine here and hand it back without my number. That''s what I should do, and then I''d ask him to drop the friendship pursuit too. It''s not what I do though. Instead I dial my number in and save it under my name. I figure he''ll call or message me at some point and then I''ll ignore it and that will be that. No harm done.

    I shrug my shoulders, handing his phone back. "There''s nothing much to figure out here I''m afraid Will, I''m vanilla, just like you said, plain and simple."

    He takes off his sunglasses and watches me as I continue to find traces of dust on my clothing and try to wipe them off.

    "I don''t think you''re vanilla at all," he says, "but that''s part of the puzzle I guess."

    I know he''d like me to respond to that, but instead I just sit, letting the sun beat down on us both. As we look out onto the street, Will is unable to stand the awkward silence for long.

    "So have you thought about coming tonight?," he asks.

    No, I haven''t thought about it at all, because there''s absolutely no way I can go.

    "I can''t tonight," I tell him, "I forgot I had plans. I''m sorry."

    I''d really love to hear him sing, but I know that it''s not possible. Even if I wanted to go and did lie to Jamie about how I met Will, it''s too late to even suggest an evening out now, and Jamie doesn''t like me to go out to places like that alone.

    "Don''t worry about it," he says flatly.

    I sneak a peak up at his face just in time to catch the disappointment. A stab of guilt rips through me, but I know it needs to be like this. He''ll thank me for it in the end. I can''t imagine he would want Jamie harassing him at a show or something if he found out we had been for coffee yesterday. It''s better this way.

    Giving up the chase, Will stands, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

    "Anyway Isobel, I''ve clearly caught you at a bad time, and I gotta'' run. I need to get some of the set up ready for tonight, I guess I''ll talk to you some other time..."

    The strain in his voice gives away his desire for me to say something meaningful, but instead, I let him believe that I''m not at all what he might have thought.

    "Yeah sure," I say halfheartedly, "and hey, good luck with the show, I hope it goes well."

    "Thanks."

    Will looks down at the book he gave me only minutes ago before staring back at me again. "Make sure to use that alright?," he says

    "I will, thank you so much, really."

    He stalls for the tiniest second, and I almost break and ask him to stay. More than anything I''d like for him to come and sit with me and talk for far too long again. Instead, I watch on coldly as he gives me a weak smile before turning away and walking down the street. Now he''s nothing more than a memory to me.

    I feel like a total bitch as I sit clutching the book. How could I be so cruel so somebody so kind? Opening the cover, I flip through the pages, finding little notes that Will scribbled for himself written all over the margins. My heart sinks when I get to the back cover and I find one that he wrote for me.

    Izzy,

    I do hope that what happened was a one time thing, and that you''ll never need to use this book, but if you ever find yourself in that situation again, make sure you call me. Day or night. Everyone needs a partner when they go though something like this, and now I''m yours.

    Will

    His phone number is written just under his sign off. He really did have the purest of intensions.

    I''m such an asshole. Will was trying to offer me genuine, kindhearted help and friendship and I threw it in his face. Guilty tears creep their way to the corners of my eyes. This whole thing is so unfair. Surely we can just be friends? Can''t I simply tell Jamie that''s what we are and it be okay?

    No, I can''t tell him that. Because he won''t understand, he''d blow up. Never mind the fact that I''ve just ruined any chance of a friendship with Will anyway.

    It''s not happening, I''ll just have to accept it.

    Trying to forget it all, I wipe at my eyes. This is so embarrassing. I''ve only known Will two days, he means nothing to me, and thats the way it''s going to stay.

    ??

    "So who was that?," Michelle asks, wiggling her eyebrows at me the second I arrive back to the store.

    "It was just a friend Michelle."

    "I''ve never met a friend of yours before Izzy," she says, grinning like an idiot. "Tell me about him. How''s Jamie by the way?" She leans her elbow on the counter and props her chin onto her fist as if she''s about to hear a truckload of gossip.

    "Subtle Michelle, but I''m still with Jamie, I''d have told you if I wasn''t. Will is just a friend, not even a friend, he''s a guy that came in here yesterday for strings. He came back today to collect them. Story over."

    "Story not over!," she says as she rounds the counter and pokes at my side. "Why did he ask you for lunch if he was just a customer huh? And why did he give you this?," she asks as she grabs the book from my hand before I have the sense to hide it. I reach for it but she gets a good look at it before I snatch it back.

    "The Power of Four... four what?" she asks.

    "It''s nothing, just something we spoke about. He let me borrow it, that''s all."

    "Okay sure, if you say so, but he''s cute!"

    "Cute Michelle? Aren''t you like, a lesbian?" I can only laugh at her efforts to get more information from me. She always manages to cheer me up, intensional or not.

    " Yes, but I still know a handsome man when I see one, and he for sure is one!"

    "Okay," I say, "that''s great and all but he''s just a customer to me, and my boyfriend is still my boyfriend, so I hope that clears up any questions you had."

    "Yes m''am!," she says as she salutes me before marching off towards the register. I roll my eyes at her playfully and head back to the stockroom, making a conscious effort not to think about Will, or his show or his adorable little book note for the rest of the day.

    ??

    Hours later, after I''ve pulled, pushed and stacked boxes and boxes of stock and equipment that I''ve never even seen before, I''m finally finished working on the stockroom, and I am quite literally disgusting. My fingernails are black, there''s dirt embedded into my hair, and I''ve been sweating so much that my shirt is now wet. I hope to god there''s wine at home, because I''ll be drinking the whole damn bottle after the day I just put in.

    "Izzy?," Carol calls, "are you still working in here? It''s almost seven."

    She steps inside, taking a look at all of the work I''ve done. "Oh my, it looks great in here, you must be worn out!"

    "Yeah, but at least it''s done," I say. "The layout makes much more sense now. We can get at the popular items a little easier."

    Carol nods in agreement, but then quietly pushes the door closed behind her. My eyes move from her, to the door and back again. I know from that move alone that I''m in for a talking to.

    I wait like a child who¡¯s about to be scolded, knowing that I can''t leave until she gets out whatever she wants to say. She sits down on a small step stool, looking all business as her eyes peer over the top of her glasses at me.

    "So. How are you doing?," she asks. "Really?"

    This is weird. Heart to hearts aren''t Carols area. Michelle usually looks after the mushy stuff, Carol is more practical. She teaches me things, gives me advice on taxes and stuff. This is unchartered territory for us.

    "I''m okay," I lie, "I''ve been a bit tired lately. I probably just need to take some vitamins or something, the two of you don''t need to worry."

    "I''m not worried," she insists, "I know you can take care of your own body Izzy. It''s the mental stuff that you neglect, and I can tell that something isn''t right with you. Is it your dad? You know you can talk to me about it."

    It''s decision time. Carol and Michelle have been good to me ever since I started here. I often joke that they took me in like a stray, but really they''ve taken me in like family. I tell them almost everything. Almost.

    I feel my shoulders sink as I try to hold onto everything that¡¯s swirling around my mind. I have to let something out, this week has left too much weight on me.

    "Jamie wants to get married," I blurt.

    Carol is the type of person who''s face tells you everything you need to know before her mouth does, and right now I know she thinking that marriage is an awful idea.

    "Well... you know," she says carefully, "if you do that, it''s likely to cost a lot... and then I imagine you guys might start talking about kids then too¡­"

    "Um, yeah, he might have brought that subject up too"

    "If thats the case Izzy, it could mean that you never get the chance to go back and study. You''ll never get to do the one thing you''ve always wanted. Would you be okay with that?"

    Carol wants me to go back and finish my training more than I do, she makes reference to it all the time. She''s right though, if Jamie and I sink all our money and time into a wedding, I''ll never manage to go back to study. It''s hard enough to make it happen right now, not that I can really say I''ve tried all that much after what happened with Zach.

    "What do you want?," she asks as her eyes glisten over a little, sadness pouring from her.

    "I don''t think I want to get married," I say, my voice shaking. "It''s not something that I feel I need to do."

    She perks up as soon as she hears that.

    "Then you''ve got to tell him that Izzy, regardless of the outcome. This is too big to compromise on. For him it''s a nice day and a piece of paper, for you it''s all the life plans you''ve ever made."

    "I never looked at it like that," I say, "I think I''ve been more worried about hurting his feelings."

    And how he might hurt me in the aftermath.

    "Look," Carol says, waving her hand like my point is trivial, "he''s a man, he''s not going to want to hear that you don''t want to marry him. It will be a personal insult no matter what way you deliver it. But you stand your ground do you hear me? You don''t ever give up on what you want. I love this store Izzy, but I can''t give you the position or the money you deserve here, and I don''t want to see you settle, not ever."

    A few tears escape and roll their way down my cheeks as I let out a small giggle. "Jeeze Carol, that''s quite a generalisation of all men there!"

    She gives me a heartfelt smile, "After all those years of oppression and stuff, I think they owe us a few of those."

    "You''re right," I tell her, ¡°about us getting married, not about all men... actually probably that too"

    "All I know Izzy, is that if you''re not on board one hundred percent, then it will never work. When Michelle and I got married, it was a different situation, but I can tell you with complete honesty that there was zero hesitation. There was no ''what ifs'', it was right and we knew that it was the next step for us. You don''t sound like you think it''s the next step for you and Jamie, and that''s okay. You might want it in five or ten years, after you''ve done all the other things you need to do, but then again you might not. You both need to want it though. That''s the important part."

    I nod my head, soaking up her words. "Thank you Carol,¡± I say. ¡°You guys are so good to me, I hope you know that I don''t take you or Michelle for granted." The shake in my voice still remains, but I don''t give away any more tears thankfully.

    "Yeah yeah," Carol says, "I love you too kid."

    She disregards her usual awkwardness and pulls me into a hug, it''s not her style at all, and as soon we let go she gives my shoulder a little push.

    "Now go home, you''re on overtime here and I''m not paying you."

    "Okay, okay, I''m going. Thank you again."

    She looks at me thoughtfully, addressing the whole marriage thing one last time.

    "You only get one life Izzy," she says, "make sure it''s yours."

    With that to think about, I go and grab my stuff, picking up the book that Will gave to me too. I''ll hide it in the back of my wardrobe or something for now.

    "See you guys Monday!," I call out as I leave.

    Catching Carols eye as I go, I give her a little nod of appreciation. I feel a whole lot braver after talking to her, and I''ve decided that I''m going to talk to Jamie this weekend and try to settle all of this as quickly and as easily as possible.

    I don¡¯t know for sure what I may want down the line, so I''m not saying no to marriage forever, but I am saying no for now. I can only hope that that¡¯s enough for him.

 Chapter 8

    Lucky for me, there was indeed wine at home, and I downed my first glass of pinot in roughly zero point five seconds. I''m now eagerly moving onto my next as my muscles finally start to relax after a hot shower. I was just short of taking a layer of skin off while washing away all of the dirt from that stockroom.

    As I sip away, I start to feel that warm, cozy feeling I usually do when I indulge.

    I''ve been obsessively refreshing Sarah''s Instagram feed since she posted a few pictures earlier tonight. It looks like she''s at Wills show. I''m not quite sure why, but it makes me feel a little sad.

    It''s only nine, but Jamie should have been home hours ago. I should have called him hours ago to check in too. Pulling his number up on my phone, the little smiley face I have beside his name bounces on the screen. That first glass of wine went down a little too well it seems.

    I press call and Jamie answers almost immediately.

    "Hey babe! Sorry, I know I should have called you, it''s been a hell of a day here."

    There''s a whole bunch of chatter and noise going on around him, he''s obviously not the only one that had to work late.

    "Don''t worry about it," I tell him, "I was delayed getting home myself, what''s going on there?"

    He sighs, sounding tired.

    "Something came up, some red tape that we''re trying to work around. It''s putting a delay on the launch of the software I was telling you about. It''s a bit of a shit show to be honest, my dad has been going nuts all day."

    I''ve seen his fathers temper before, it''s not pretty.

    "Oh no, what can you do?," I ask, "Will you be able to figure it out?"

    "I''m not too sure, I''ve reached out to some contacts to see if we can fast track the legal paperwork, but at this stage of the day I''ll be waiting until Monday"

    "I''m sorry babe, I know this is big for you."

    "Yeah, I''m not happy about it. We''ve all worked non-stop on this, but I suppose I just have to be patient now and see what happens over the next couple of days."

    "Why don''t you come home?," I suggest, "I''ve opened a bottle of wine..."

    "As tempting as that sounds Izzy, the guys have had a tough few weeks here, so I''ve ordered in some food and beers for everyone to try to keep their spirits up. I''m going to have to stay awhile."

    Just as soon as he says that, I vaguely hear somebody call out to him in the background. "Jamie they''re here."

    There''s quiet on the line for a minute after that, and then I hear some distorted mumbling that I don''t understand before he comes back to me.

    "So hey babe," Jamie says, "our food has arrived, why don''t you go and enjoy that bottle of wine and relax. I''ll be home late but I''ll try not to wake you."

    "Okay, I hope you guys have a nice night, I love you."

    "Love you too honey, goodnight."

    I quickly decide after that phone call that this weekend might not be the best time to talk to Jamie about the whole marriage and kids issue, not with how preoccupied he''s going to be with work. I''ll keep the fire in my belly and tell him next week though, after all this stuff settles down for him.

    "I suppose it''s just us tonight," I mumble into my glass of wine as I slump myself down onto the couch.

    As the evening wears on, I watch some mindless TV for a while and scroll on my phone. By the time I''ve finished my third glass, it''s well after ten o''clock and I''m wiped.

    Climbing into bed, I check Sarah''s Instagram one more time. She stopped posting updates hours ago, and there hasn''t been any activity since. I give up my strange quest of trying to get a glimpse of Will and let my head hit the pillow, quickly drifting off.

    ??

    Hours later, a sudden loud crash from the kitchen jolts me awake. What the hell was that? Is there someone here? I bolt upright at the thought and grab for Jamie over the covers, but there''s just an empty space beside me where he usually sleeps. Shit, what if there''s somebody here and he''s not at home?

    I listen for a moment, straining to hear, but there''s silence now. Looking around the room for some form of weapon, I realise that I am completely unprepared for something like this.

    Creeping out of bed, I tiptoe to the door, pressing my ear against it.

    "Fuck sake!" I hear Jamies voice echo throughout the apartment.

    Thank god. A rush of relief hits me as I step out into the hallway, wanting to see if he''s alright. I also take a mental note to put a golf club or something in the bedroom for the next time I''m alone here.

    Jamie turns around at the sound of my feet pattering across the floor tiles.

    "Oh you''re up," he says. His eyes are blurry and his words come out a little slurred, I guess a few beers with the guys turned into many.

    "Yeah, but don''t worry," I smile as I round the counter towards him. "I''m just glad you weren''t an intru- ouch shit!"

    I look down as a stinging sensation hits my feet, there¡¯s glass scattered all over the floor below me.

    "What is that?," I ask him, "Why didn''t you warn me?"

    Moving back, I try to avoid stepping on any more of it, but I can feel that theres already little shards stuck in my foot. Tiny specks of blood drop onto the tiles as I move. I grab at a barstool and pull it out so that I can sit down and remove the glass that''s now buried in my skin.

    Lifting my head, I notice that Jamie is still just standing there, examining the floor.

    "Jamie? Are you okay?," I ask

    His head snaps up and his eyes meet mine.

    "You got blood on the floor," he says.

    Is he kidding me?

    "Yes, because you got glass on the floor in the first place Jamie. What happened?"

    "What happened is that I came home to this fucking mess!," he says, pointing his finger toward the sink.

    I left my empty glass in there earlier along with some breakfast bowls from Jamie and I this morning, but I figured it could all wait until tomorrow, I have nothing but time then anyway.

    The breakfast bowls are still sitting in there, but my wine glass is missing, so its safe to assume that''s what''s in my foot right now.

    "Jamie it''s just a few dishes," I say, "I was home late too, I was going to wash up in the morning, it''s not a big deal."

    I''m probably feeling a bit too plucky after those drinks. Maybe I should say nothing.

    "So what Izzy? I have to live in a pigsty because you insist on giving all your free time to those women?"

    His words spit like venom as his eyes seem to glaze over. Jamie clenches both his fists by his sides, and I know I need to calm him down before this gets out of hand, so I offer up the only thing I can think of.

    "Why don''t you let me clean this up," I offer, "you go to bed. It''s nothing to worry about, I''ll wash up too, I shouldn''t have left the dishes in there, you''re right."

    "Oh, now you want to do it," he says, "now Queen Izzy is ready to clean up after herself!"

    Jamie suddenly rounds the corner of the counter and comes straight for me. I quickly move off the barstool and make an attempt to back away from him, but he''s fast, even when clearly drunk. As I try to run he reaches out and grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling me back towards him.

    "Jamie stop!" I cry. We both know thats pointless though, he never stops until he''s ready to.

    He drags me by the hair back towards the kitchen. My feet cross over the broken glass all over again, and it slices into my skin as I try to move on the tips of my toes.

    Pulling me to the sink, Jamie pushes my head down towards it so that I''m just inches from the bowls that sit in there. The pain in my feet only gets worse when I get to place my full weight back on the ground.This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

    "You think this is the shit I want to come home to Izzy? After the day I''ve just had?" Jamies voice booms throughout the apartment. I don''t answer him, I just hold my eyes to the sink as tears threaten to come. There''s nothing I can say to stop this anyway, it''s too late.

    He pounds his fist onto the counter beside me. "Fucking answer me Izzy!," he screams.

    I hesitate just a little too long, so he reaches for my hair again and yanks my head back up. My scalp feels raw from the way he has the strands twisted around his fingers, and my body starts to tremble in response.

    "No, Jamie I''m sorry," I say, "I''ll clean it. I didn''t know, I''m so sorry."

    As much as it probably shouldn''t have, this has caught me off guard. Jamie has never done anything like this after he''s been drinking, he¡¯s actually usually a lot more loving and sweet. I''m afraid of how far he''s going to take it now that I can''t read him.

    He leans right in to my face, his teeth clenched.

    "You didn''t know?," he asks. "You didn''t know what? That the apartment should be clean? That you should tidy up after yourself? What? What is it you didn''t know Izzy?"

    "Please..." I can''t hold my tears back any longer, they slide down my cheeks as I reach up and try to loosen the grip he has on my hair before he rips it out entirely.

    Yanking me closer to him, he clamps his other hand to my throat.

    "You know, you might not want to be my wife, but I''ll be damned if you think I don''t expect you to act like one in my home."

    This is it. This is why he''s so angry. I can''t take back what I said about not getting married, so now he''s going to make me pay for it instead.

    I keep my eyes trained in-front of me, trying my best to blink away any tears that come.

    Jamie slowly let''s go of me, but I don''t dare to move, I keep my grip on the sink and make no sudden movements.

    "Clean it," he says. His words are so soft that it¡¯s unnerving.

    "Jamie..."

    "CLEAN IT!," he yells, his voice changing from sweet to demonic within seconds.

    Shaking, I quickly turn on the tap and reach for the dish soap on the counter, waiting for the water to run hot before pushing the sink plug down. I let no more than an inch or so of water fill up, I don''t want to give him any ideas.

    Jamie stands over me, watching as I scrub at the bowls. It''s humiliating. I can feel the hot air of his breath hitting my ear, he''s so close that I have to be careful not to bump my elbow off him as I run a sponge over the spoons. I clean everything much longer than needed, afraid that he might find a spec of food somewhere if I don''t, and then I set it all on the drainer before pulling the plug out of the sink again.

    As the water circles the drain, I watch it swirl and disappear, just like any hope I have of coming out of this confrontation unharmed.

    Silently, Jamie reaches across the kitchen to where the dish towel hangs on the oven door. He pulls it off, handing it to me. I''m sure that he''s intending to appear kind, but every move he makes terrifies me.

    He hovers near me like I''m a child as I dry the dishes. I glance up at him when I''m done, seeking permission to put them away. Standing back, he allows me the room to get to the cupboard, but as I move towards it, a shard of glass cuts deeper into the skin on the heel of my foot, and I let out a whimper.

    Jamie looks down at my feet, there''s no emotion on his face, making it impossible to anticipate what he plans to do. Without a word, he takes the bowls and spoons form my hands, putting them away himself.

    I stay rooted to the spot, right in the middle of the kitchen. After closing the cutlery drawer, Jamie then steps to the other side of the room, leaning his back against the work top and facing me. It''s as if I''m standing here on display for him.

    I flinch as he breaks the silence between us.

    "So I had a conversation today," he says.

    I feel afraid to even breathe, so I''m unsure if I should reply.

    "I was talking to Karl," he continues, "I''ve mentioned him before right? You know the kind of bullshit talk we get into. Cars, family... women."

    I''ve no real idea who Karl is, but I don''t want to show my confusion, so I nod along.

    "I told him what was going on with us," he says.

    "Wh- What''s going on with us?" My body shivers under his glare, for such a hot night, it''s now ice cold in here.

    "I told him that you don''t want to get married," Jamie says. "And that we might not even have kids. You wanna'' know what he said about that?"

    I know his question doesn''t really warrant an answer, so I wait.

    "He told me you were right. Well, kind of. What he actually said was that he and Rosemarie don''t even seem to like each other anymore, and that their sex life is in the toilet. He said getting married was the worst thing they ever did and they''re not even a year into it."

    He then lets out this weird chuckle that leaves me feeling unsettled.

    "Poor guy," he says, "can you believe it? They haven''t even had kids yet. Hell, that Rosemarie really found herself a sucker there.¡±

    I furrow my brow, unsure why he assumes she did anything, or how it relates to us, but he continues his story anyway.

    "She sits at home all day while he works, and now she won''t even give him thirty seconds before she falls asleep so he can try to knock her up. What a bitch"

    It''s like I don''t even know the person in-front of me right now. Jamie never talks like this, not to me anyway. I hate it, he sounds just like his father.

    "So anyway," he says with a slur, reminding me that he''s not quite himself. "I told him that we were still having sex pretty regularly, I''m sure you don''t mind me sharing that. Fuck me was he jealous Izzy, you should have heard him. I was so smug about it too, honestly I couldn''t help it. But then he said something that shut me right up."

    I wait in fear while Jamie glances around the kitchen, it''s as if he''s not quite sure of where he is until he looks my way again. A part of me hopes that he''s lost his train of thought, but then he speaks.

    "He said that I shouldn''t be trying to marry you anyway," he says. "Karl seems to think, that if we did that but didn''t have kids, that you''d get bored and start whoring around while I''m at work."

    Jamies face twists with disgust. I might have been grateful to this Karl guy for trying to convince him that marriage isn''t for everybody if his reasoning weren''t so vile.

    Moving my feet to try and avoid the discomfort, I notice how strange they feel, it¡¯s like there''s a numbness there now. A wet pool has formed beneath them as the blood continues to seep out. I really need to get this glass removed and clean myself up, but I cant take my eyes off of Jamie, he''s too unpredictable.

    "I realised something after he said that," he continues, ignoring any pain I¡¯m in. "I realised how hypocritical it is that you don''t wanna'' get married, considering how you expect all the things from me that a woman expects from a husband."

    I really don''t know what he means by that. In reality, I think I expect very little from Jamie, but I have to stand here and listen to his rambling either way.

    "I pay the majority of the rent, the food, bills, utilities, I take you out to nice places, get you nice things..." He keeps me under his angry stare as he stands up straight and begins to inch himself closer to me. ¡°So then I began to wonder; has Izzy found herself a sucker too?" There''s a glint in his eyes thats so cold it could cut right through me, so I begin back away from him, attempting to avoid the inevitable. "Is that what it is Izzy?," he asks me, "You''ve found your free ride?"

    "Jamie, you know thats not true. You know that I wanted to pay half of everything when I moved in. You wouldn''t let me!"

    I''m saddened that he''d even suggest that I''d take advantage of him.

    When we decided to move in together, I didn''t want to stay in this apartment because it was too expensive, and we didn''t need the spare room, or the gym, or the concierge, but he insisted. He said that we could split things 60-40. I said no. Of course I said no, I wanted it 50-50, but again, he insisted. And what Jamie wants, Jamie gets, good or bad. It''s never been an issue for us before, so why is he using it against me now? Especially when only days ago he was suggesting that I quit work altogether!

    "Jamie if the money is bothering you, you could have told me," I say, "I would have figured it out, you know that."

    "What bothers me Izzy, is that you think I''m going to let you take whatever you want from me and give nothing back."

    Jamie takes another step towards me, his anger seeming to be ready to spill over.

    "What do you mean?" I ask, "I don''t take anything from you, I don''t want anything from you."

    I match him pace for pace, moving back and keeping what feels like a safe distance between us.

    "I won''t turn into them Izzy," he says, "Rosemarie might have Karl fooled, but you can''t have the life I''m giving you and not compensate me for it."

    "Compensate you?¡±

    "Yes. If you want to have all of the things that you expect from a husband, then I want the things that I expect from a wife."

    My lip quivers, afraid to even ask my next question.

    "Like what? What is it you expect from a wife?"

    "A clean god damn home for starters!" His voice rings into my ears again as he slams his hand on the counter. "I want to come home to you cooking us dinner, not to find you''re working late or that you''re in on a Saturday when you should be here!"

    I cant believe this is really a conversation that we''re having. He doesn''t want a wife, he wants a housekeeper.

    "Jamie, this isn''t some 1940''s scenario where I drop to my knees at your request," I tell him, "you can''t ask any of that from me."

    Jamie instantly perks up upon hearing that, and a sinister smirk appears on his face as if he''s just had an idea.

    "Say that again?," he asks.

    I stare down at the floor, knowing that I¡¯ve went too far. I shouldn''t have answered him back, it''s the wine making me feel brave.

    As he stalks towards me, I try to hold my ground, but it''s painfully obvious that I''m scared.

    "You know what Izzy," he says, "you dropping to your knees sounds great to me. Why don''t you do just that."

    "What?"

    My mind goes into panic mode, desperately clinging to the hope that he isn''t implying what I think he is. But any uncertainty I have about it is made abundantly clear when he pointedly looks to the floor in front of him.

    "N- No, don''t be ridiculous Jamie." I shake my head in disbelief. He can be cruel at times, but he isn''t a monster, he doesn''t mean what he''s saying.

    "No really Izzy, I think you should do it," he insists. "I think you should get on your knees and show me how grateful you are for everything that I do for you.¡±

    I take a moment to try and process exactly what he''s telling me to do, but there is absolutely no way that I''m doing it. I try to keep my voice steady as I respond, because any break will give him the weakness that he lives for.

    "Jamie, don''t talk to me like that. Please, lets just go to bed. I''ll clean up and we can sleep this off. It''s okay, we''re okay. We''ve both had a little bit to drink, but we shouldn''t let this get out of hand, please."

    I stretch my hand out to him and pray that my reasoning did the trick, keeping a delusional hope that he''ll take it before apologising for everything in the morning.

    Instead, he brushes right by my fingers, smiling manically while his eyes run a trail over my body in a way that sends a chill down my spine. I wrap my arms around myself in some form of coverage. I wish I''d worn more than a pair of pyjama shorts and a flimsy top, but it''s so hot out that I didn''t even want to wear this much.

    He gets so close that our bodies are almost touching.

    "I think, I''d much rather that you do what I''m asking," he says as he slowly reaches for his zipper, keeping his eyes on me as he pulls it down. The noise of the metal scraping the teeth fills the room.

    "Jamie..." my voice cracks as tears spill down my cheeks. "Please, please don''t do that, don''t make me do that."

    "Make you? I don''t make you do anything Izzy."

    I can smell the liquor on his breath as he brings his hand up and glides it over my throat, he holds it there, pressing, not enough to harm me, but enough to tell me that he can.

    "Are you going to make this complicated for yourself?," he whispers.

    I stare back into his eyes. The Jamie I met, the one who made me laugh, who was kind and sweet and loved me is there, I just need to find him.

    "Please don''t," I plead. "You don''t want to do this".

    "You''re right Izzy... I want you to."

    Grabbing both of my shoulders, he forces me downward. I push back against him, but the pain from the pressure it puts on my feet is overwhelming, and very quickly I find myself left kneeling in front of him. Pouring my face into my hands, I sob, begging him to stop. He just stands there though, unmoving and expectant.

    "Jamie listen to me," I cry, "this is crazy!" Grabbing at his legs, I will him to see sense, but get no reaction. "I can''t! I can''t do that, please stop, please!"

    For a fleeting moment, I think I see his eyes soften as he stares down at me. I think that he''s going to stop this, and that he''s going to realise what he''s doing. He''ll tell me to get up and that he''s sorry, and then everything will be okay.

    But a fleeting moment is all it was, because as quick as they softened, Jamie¡¯s eyes cloud back over, becoming soulless pools of blackness.

    "Don''t make me wait Izzy," he says, the warning in his voice clear. I can''t see my way out of this.

    My hands tremble as I lift them toward his waist and begin to undo his belt, relying on memory more than sight because the tears just keep coming, blurring my vision. I feel Jamies body almost start to convulse, and as I look upwards to his face, I watch him dissolve into cruel laughter.

    "You were actually going to do it weren''t you?," he says, "God, you''re pathetic Iz."

    Pulling back away from him, I''m horrified as I realise what he''s done. Jamie towers over me with a crooked grin on his face. His sole intension here was humiliation, nothing more.

    "Look at you. Did you honestly think I''d let you touch me right now?," he says, squatting down and gripping my face the way he always does when he''s trying to hurt me. "You look like shit Iz."

    He pushes my head away from him sharply before standing back up and moving past me like I''m no more than a piece of trash on the street.

    All at once my anger reaches boiling point. I know I should control it, I know I should walk away, but I''ve never ever felt so degraded in all my life. I''m completely repulsed by him. How could he do that to me?

    Standing to my feet, I ignore any pain that might be there. I can''t control myself as I reach for the closest thing I can find, a tumbler glass, and hurl it towards the doorway as he leaves.

    "You''re fucking disgusting!" I cry after him.

    He stops dead still as the glass hits the doorframe and shatters beside him. As blind with rage as I am, even I can see what a bad move that was.

    Jamie storms back towards me as my stomach twists into knots. There''s no shouting, no chances to take it back, and absolutely nowhere to run as he rounds the corner of the counter towards me.

    In one swift movement he advances on me, rearing back and punching me in the face with such force that it knocks me sideways. My head hits the door handle of a cabinet as I fall to the floor. Everything is suddenly so blurry, I can''t hear him anymore. I can''t hear anything.

    There¡¯s only darkness.

 Chapter 9

    I don''t know how long I lay on the kitchen floor. I don''t know if Jamie picked me up, or if he dragged me to the bathroom. I don''t know how long it took him to get the glass shards from the wine glass out of my feet and bandage them up. I don''t know what he used to clean the blood from my temple and hairline where it had hit the door knob. I don''t know if he noticed the blood that had dripped onto my top, but he put me to bed with it on anyway. I don''t know if it concerned him that I didn''t wake up at any point, but I guess not, because he climbed into the bed beside me and fell asleep anyway.

    I don''t know anything, other than the fact that I am petrified of this man.

    ??

    Jamie snores after he''s been drinking. It''s a loud obnoxious noise that I''m sure even the neighbours can hear. I can never sleep through it, although I suppose it could have been the pounding in my brain that woke me, I''m not sure.

    I grip my head as I lay on my pillow, it''s so loud in there. It''s as if I can hear my own blood pumping or something. I sit myself upright to see if it helps, but instead it just makes me feel dizzy. I push past it and get up anyway, unable to stand the thought of being in the same bed as him.

    My bladder feels so full it could burst, so I rush myself into the bathroom first. It''s only on my way back to the bedroom afterward that I catch a glimpse of myself in the vanity mirror. It stops me in my tracks.

    Theres a big, red, angry looking bruise coming up on my right cheek, just under my eye, with hints of purple already pushing through. I touch it with the tip of my finger before wincing away from the sting. It''s almost stiff from the swelling. I hope to god he didn''t break my cheekbone, I don''t know what I''d say to a doctor about it if he did.

    The cut on my left temple doesn''t look as bad in comparison, it''s small. Not even an inch long, but I imagine a cut isn''t any easier to hide than a bruise.

    I stand at the vanity for a while, taking the sight of myself in. I¡¯m a different person to the one I was before I met Jamie. I was vibrant, fun. I''d never have let this happen. I''d have punched him right where he made me sink to last night before he even got the words out.

    Staring at myself right now, I wonder where all of that spark went.

    The strange reflection in-front of me starts to become a little too much, and I quickly realise that I need to get myself out of here. I need to get out of this apartment and as far away from Jamie as I can.

    I remember that I have some work out clothes in the spare bedroom. Maybe if I sneak in there I can put them on and go without waking him. He''s passed out now anyway, so I don''t really need to debate it, it might be the only chance I get.

    Creeping my way out of our bedroom, I grab some underwear and my make up bag as I go before stealing one last look back at Jamie. He looks just like him when he''s asleep... the old Jamie I mean, the one I met. The more I think about that now though, the more I wonder if there ever really was a Jamie like the one I met, or if i just made him up in my head.

    Dashing to the spare room, I change as quick as I can. Black leggings, a white t-shirt and a black zip up hoodie. Comfortable, I need comfortable.

    I forgot to take my hairbrush from the bedroom, but I have one in the car so I''m not going back now. I pull my hair high up onto my head, raking it with my fingers and securing it into some sort of bun, ignoring the burning sensation on my scalp from where Jamie held it in his fist.

    There''s a gym bag under the bed that I throw my stuff into. I''ll have to stop and get some essentials wherever I go, but I''m going. Wait. Where am I going?

    Pausing for a second, I weigh up my options. I don''t want anyone I know to see me like this. I shouldn''t care but I do, it feels weak. I can''t stand the idea of anyone knowing that I let this happen to me, so a hotel it is. Not the same place as before though, and I''ll use my savings account this time to pay for it so that Jamie can''t find me. This won''t be like it was then, I won''t allow him to talk me around.

    I have a bit of money saved up, I can stay in a hotel for a few days while I try and secure a place to rent. Something closer to work, or maybe to Sarah, I might find a reasonable one bed studio near her if I¡¯m lucky. I''ll figure that part out later though, right now I''ve got to go.

    I leave my shoes by the door and sneak into the living room, taking a picture of my grandfather, mom, Sarah and I off of the shelf to bring with me. Jamie hid it once before after we had argued about something silly. He said he didn''t, but I searched high and low for it for days. I walked into the living room one morning and there it was. The silver frame was sticking out slightly from under the armchair, leaving it at the perfect angle for the sun to catch it through the window and create a glare so I''d see it. I''d already checked under that chair, Jamie even saw me do it. I put it back on the shelf and it was never mentioned again. He''d never admit that he had taken it anyway.

    Quietly, I make my way to the kitchen, but stop as soon as I feel my feet touch the tiles. It''s spotless in here. I can actually smell the bleach. The glass is gone, and the blood on the floor has been wiped clean. He even remembered to get the door knob of the cabinet. As far as this kitchen is concerned, nothing happened here.

    I grab my laptop off the breakfast bar and open the fridge to take a bottle of water with me, but as I do, it slips out of my hand and falls to the floor, hitting off a shelf in the fridge and making a loud clanging sound on the way down. Shit. Did I even really need that water?

    Picking it up, I listen out for any movement and prepare to make a run for it, but there''s no need. Jamies snores still fill the apartment.

    After stuffing the last few bits I want to take into the gym bag, I grab my keys and slip my shoes on. That''s it, time to go. I reach for the door handle, scared to death that Jamie will wake up at the last second and catch me, but instead, someone on the other side of that door decides that it''s time for a wake up call.

    What the hell? The pounding on the door is so aggressive that it shakes from the sheer strength behind the fist that hits it.

    "James? James! You better open up this god damn door right now!"

    That voice, it belongs to Jamies dad. What in the world is he doing here at this time?

    He continues pounding and shouting, but Jamie continues sleeping. The neighbours really are going to be going crazy now.

    I realise that if I open the door he''s going to see my face, but I suppose that doesn''t matter now. I may not want anyone I know to see me, but maybe if Tom gets a glimpse of what his son can do, he might not be so quick to say I''m the one that''s not good enough for him, which is exactly what he told me the last time we spoke.

    The banging continues until Tom finally hears me unlock the door. He doesn''t wait a single second before he barges his way in and slams it shut behind him.

    "Hi Tom," I say flatly, but he ignores me of course, choosing instead to storm into the living room like he owns the place. He comes back out to meet me when he finds it empty.

    "Where is that idiot?," he asks. It''s only then that he gets a look at my face and finally shuts up. It''s not all that hard for him to add up. There I am, sneaking out with my bag packed at the first light of day while Jamie is nowhere to be found. It¡¯s clear it¡¯s his sons signature on my face.

    He reaches out and gently takes ahold my chin, using it to turn my head side to side, ensuring he gets a good look.

    "Shit," he murmurs as he drops his hand. "Wait there."

    He moves towards the only door that''s still closed. The snoring has now stopped, so I know that means Jamie is awake, putting my plan to run at risk. I shouldn''t wait, but I hover for a moment, curious to know what it is that has Jamie''s father hammering down our door so early.

    Tom doesn''t knock, he''s not one to be left waiting. He moves through the doorway of our bedroom like he could take it with him if it tried to stop him.

    He''s tall, just like Jamie. He¡¯s well built, muscular even. He''s a handsome man, but he knows that too, and he certainly loves to use his charm on the ladies. Jamie hates it. It''s the only time I''ve ever heard him express a dislike for something his father does. Jamie adores his mom, so he despises all of the ways that his father isn''t loyal to her.

    "He chases anything in a skirt," he once told me. And I knew it too. Tom had once tried to put his hand up my dress at a family barbecue with one of Jamie''s sisters standing only a few feet away. I never told Jamie, but I left his dad under no illusion that I would if he ever tried it again. He''s treated me like something that he needs to crush ever since.

    Just about every time I see him, Tom is dressed in a shirt and fitted slacks. The sleeves of his shirt are usually rolled up his forearms, and his skin is always tan. He looks a lot like the mobsters you see in the movies, so you could say his over all look is intimidating, but I think that''s intensional, which to me makes it less so. I still wouldn''t want to be Jamie right now though, I haven''t seen his father this angry before. He doesn''t care that I''m here right now either, because I can hear every single word he says.

    "Whores James!? Fucking Whores? At my business! Are you an imbecile?"

    Tom wastes no time tearing into Jamie, and to say that my curiosity is peaked right now would be an understatement.

    "Keep it down Dad, Jesus!"Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

    I''m sure that''s for my sake, considering how I''m the only other person here.

    "Are you kidding James!? That girl just answered the door looking like she went rounds with a kick-boxer, but you''re worried about her hearing about the hooker you fucked in your god damn office!"

    Bile rises up the back of my throat. That can''t be true.

    "I was trying to help the guys unwind Dad,¡± Jamie says, ¡°It''s not a big deal, our head is still in the game, I''m going to get the sign off we need this weekend."

    "There was coke all over my fucking desk James! Not a big deal? If I find out any of those women were in there I''ll fire you, I swear to god I''ll fire you! My kid or not! "

    Coke? As in cocaine? Jamie doesn''t do drugs, this can''t be right.

    There''s a long bout of silence between them before Jamie speaks up again, and I have to strain to hear him this time.

    "Is that girl okay?," he asks.

    "She''s fine," Tom says with a sigh. "The paramedics brought her to the hospital, she''ll be back out working some other place tonight I''m sure... James if there''s some sort of case about this, or if that bitch goes to the press it''s over for you, you know that right?"

    Oh god, what the hell did Jamie do?

    "Dad she''s a call girl, she''s not going to the press, just give her some money."

    "Oh give her some money? Sure! It''s that simple right? Have you any idea how much those girls earn these days? Do you have any idea how much I''ll have to give her to shut her up? Upwards of ten thousand dollars James!"

    Toms voice continues to rise until it sounds like he''s boarder-line hysterical. Whatever Jamie did, it''s bad.

    "Okay! I get it," Jamie snaps. "I''m sorry."

    "Oh you do? You get it, Mr. Big Shot. Let''s cut that money from your salary and see how much you get it. Fucking idiot! This isn''t New York James, you can''t get away with this shit here. I want a clean fucking business, is that so hard? I want to know that my jag off son isn''t helping my people disrespect me in my own god-damn building! I want to be able to trust you not to bring in fucking drugs and prostitutes when my back is turned, and I want to retire without you fucking it up within one fucking year James!"

    Sounds like Tom could really use a thesaurus.

    "I''m sorry Dad. I do, I understand. It won''t happen again."

    There''s another stretch of quiet between the two men, and I''ve no idea whats happening anymore. Maybe now is the time for me to leave¡­

    "What the hell are you doing to that girl of yours James?"

    Or maybe I''ll stick around and listen to whatever excuse Jamie comes up with for this.

    There¡¯s no reply from Jamie, he doesn''t have an answer. At least he has the decency not to try and pin the blame on me.

    Tom doesn''t seem prepared to accept that though.

    "You think the investors want to see that at our Christmas parties?," he asks. "Her face is a mess. You can be sure they''ll hear about what happened at the office last night too. You''re making this impossible James. I told you to marry that girl, move to the suburbs, have some kids, that''s what I said. That''s what they wanna'' see James. If you want to take over the company, that''s what needs to happen. If she''s not the one, then you better find somebody else quick and get it done, because this is going on far too long. Am I clear?"

    "Yes Dad," Jamie replies, "you''re clear. You''re clear just about every time you remind me."

    So marriage wasn''t even Jamies own idea and yet I still ended up like this? And what exactly makes Tom think that he can dictate our future anyhow?

    "Good," Tom says, completely missing his sons sarcasm. "I''ll fix this mess with the office, but you need to fix that one."

    I can take an educated guess at what he means by that, but its not happening. There''s no fixing this. It¡¯s time for me to go.

    As I open the front door to leave, Tom suddenly steps out of the bedroom. It¡¯s like he could hear my thoughts.

    "Hey sweetheart," his says with a smile so insincere that it''s sickening.

    As he approaches me, he reaches into his back pocket and takes out his wallet. Pullingfew hundred dollar bills out, he attempts to hand them to me.

    "Here, get yourself something to cover that up," he says, "something good okay?"

    Staring down at the money in his hand, I can see that it''s enough to pay my hotel room for a couple of days, but honestly, I''d rather he choked on it.

    He frowns at me when I don''t take it, I''ll always be a disappointment to him.

    "Listen Izzy," he says as he places his hand on my shoulder. "He needs you, let''s keep this between us, this is a family issue right?"

    The word family sticks with me. Tom has always treated me as an outsider. A nuisance that got her claws into his boy. He can''t possibly think that I''ve forgotten? And now he wants to make me feel like I''m a part of the fold. One of his allies. Family.

    He cements that fact by leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. God it must have killed him to do that.

    "He''s sorry, it won''t happen again."

    I glance at the bedroom door. Jamie has kept himself out of my view, and there''s no sign of him emerging either, the coward.

    Standing taller, I pull my bag over my shoulder and look back at Tom.

    "No," I say defiantly, "it won''t."

    I leave him there, holding his money as I go. If I never see that man again, it will be far too soon.

    ??

    The trip down in the elevator to the car park was nerve wrecking. I was so afraid that Jamie was going to be pissed that I spoke to his father like that, or that I was leaving. I worried that he¡¯d come after me, but when the elevator came to a stop, I felt a strange sense of calm surge through me. I knew either way that I was doing the right thing. The doors slid open, and I decided to take my chances and run to my car, but thankfully there was no Jamie in sight. Maybe his father had told him to let me go.

    The hotel I''ve decided to stay at is only fifteen minutes away. I''ve chosen it purposely. It''s the closest to the apartment, it''s not at all cheap, and there''s no room service. For all of those reasons, Jamie won''t think for a second that I went there.

    My mind races the whole journey there. What was Tom talking about? Call girls? Drugs? Do I actually know Jamie at all?

    After pulling into the parking lot of the hotel, I reach in and grab my bag from the back. I then spot the book that Will gave me sticking out from under the passenger seat. I must have forgotten to take it into the apartment and hide it, although it was probably safer here anyway. I decide to take it with me. I''m going to have a serious amount of time on my hands here, so I might as-well read it.

    The hotel reception is huge. It has beautiful veined marble floors with a wide oak reception desk. There''s large stone vases filled with hydrangeas dotted throughout, making me feel minuscule by comparison. A gigantic ''Welcome to The Marrion'' sign lights up the back of the reception desk. Thankfully this early in the day, the place is empty.

    I do wish I''d grabbed some sunglasses from the apartment to hide some of this bruising though, lord knows what they''re going to think, but it''s too late to worry about it now.

    I approach the front desk and ask for a single room.

    "That''s no problem m''am," the guy behind the counter chirps, "but check in won''t be until twelve unfortunately."

    He''s young, not even twenty yet I''d say. As he talks to me, he tries to keep his service voice in place and pretends that he can''t see what I look like right now, but I spot his eyes slip to get a glimpse. He can''t help it.

    It''s only just gone seven thirty. I completely forgot about check in times, but I certainly don''t want to wait four and a half hours in my car right now. Maybe I could try cover up a little and go get some essentials like I''d planned, or possibly try another hotel? Although I imagine all hotels have similar check in policies, and most stores won''t open until nine.

    "Is there an early check in fee or something that I can pay?" I ask, "Or I could even cover the charge for last night?" The desperation in my voice is clear, but it seems to change nothing.

    "I''m afraid not m''am," he says, "but I can book you the room from twelve if you''d like? Breakfast is currently being served in the restaurant, maybe you''d like to pass some time in there."

    "Stephen!¡± An authoritative looking woman appears like magic behind the counter. "Why don''t you double check on the breakfast crew please, I''ll look after this customer."

    "Sure, but sh-"

    "Thank you Stephen," she insists, pushing her way in to take over. She looks like an air hostess or something. There''s not a single shiny chocolate brown hair out of place. Her flawless olive skin looks like shes never missed a single day of her skincare routine, and her full red lips seem to permanently hold a smile in place. In any other situation, I''d ask her what secret is.

    Stephen nods his head and leaves us.

    "Now Miss, I overheard that you''re looking for a room? Let''s just organise that for you shall we?"

    The lady looks to her computer screen and begins tapping away.

    "Yes please," I say, "but um, he mentioned that I couldn''t get an early check in?"

    "No no, that''s his mistake, don''t you worry, I''ll have you booked in in no time."

    Her gaze drops to my cheek, but unlike her colleague, she doesn''t try to act like she doesn''t see it.

    "How many nights will you be staying with us Miss?," she asks.

    "Uh, three? Actually no, four please. Will you need much notice if I need to stay any longer?

    "Not at all,just ask for me when you know what you need, I''ll sort it out for you. My name is Jennifer by the way."

    Jennifer points her perfectly manicured finger nail at her name tag, making sure I don''t miss it.

    "Don''t worry if it''s last minute," she says, "I''ll make sure there''s a room available for you."

    "Wow, that''s¡­ that''s great, thank you so much."

    I feel a sudden onset of emotions take me over, why is this total stranger being so kind to me?

    "Now," she says, clearing her throat, "just some details for you to know. Breakfast starts seven, lunch from eleven and dinner from four; they''re all served down here in the restaurant just behind you. We don''t do room service." She lowers her voice a little and leans across the counter. "However, if you decide you''d rather not eat with our other diners, I''ve placed a note on your room file to say that sandwiches and items from the dinner menu can be left outside your room at the time requested."

    Her voice returns to normal again as she continues what seems to be the standard spiel.

    "Check out on your last day is ten a.m, but let me know if you need more time on the day, that is if you decide not to stay longer."

    I nod my head along as she gives me all of the details, trying to retain it. I''m unsure if shes accommodating me especially or if she''s just really good at her job.

    "Any take out food of your own is of course permitted," she continues, "I also have details of all the local attractions, functions, salons, women''s crisis centres and anything else you''d like to do while you stay with us."

    There''s no misunderstanding the tidbit of information she slipped in this time. She''s trying to help me.

    Dropping her voice low once again, she ensures that only I can hear her.

    "I can also leave a note on file that you''re not accepting visitors so that you won''t be bothered, or I''m happy to charge the room under a different name perhaps if you''d like that?"

    I''m a little slow to respond, I never thought about any of this. This woman seems to know everything I need better than I do.

    I stand at the reception desk in a daze, wondering what''s best when Jennifer reaches across the counter and touches my hand, locking her eyes to mine.

    "Don''t worry Miss," she soothes, "my mom had to stay in a lot of hotels, I know there''s much to consider." She gives me a sympathetic smile and squeezes my hand as my eyes well up. This woman is exactly who I needed to meet this morning.

    "Thank you," I muster. I''ve never meant those words so much.

    "Can you add the note for no visitors please? And also put the name on the booking under Janine Anderson?"

    That''s my mothers maiden name, Jamie won''t check that, I''m not even sure he knows it.

    We go through anything else that I might need to know, and then Jennifer prepares my room key and slides the details and invoice across the desk for me to look over and sign. Something isn''t right though. The room price is roughly half of what it should be. I study it confused, and then I spot it. ''Staff member family discount rate - 45%''is printed just below the actual total. I can''t believe it.

    "Oh gosh, no, you really don''t have to do that," I insist, "honestly I can pay, please, I''ll cover the other half."

    "That''s the final price Miss," she says, shaking her head as if to tell me that there''s no point in trying to argue.

    "I- I really can''t thank you enough, you''re so kind." The overwhelm of the situation finally gets to me, and some tears start to trickle down my cheeks. "I''m sorry," I say as my wipe at my face, "I''m so embarrassed."

    "No Miss, the person who forced you to come here should be embarrassed. And if you don''t mind me saying so, I hope they don''t ever get the chance to do it again."

    More tears escape as I nod my head and continue to thank her and hold back tears. I then take my room key and quickly head in the direction of the second floor to find my room.

    Once I''m inside, I double check that I''ve locked the door and climb straight into bed. I''m exhausted and frazzled and I need to try get some sleep before the reality of all of this sets in and I have to make a plan.

 Chapter 10

    The sun slices it¡¯s way through a gap in the middle of the curtains, rudely awakening me. It¡¯s an immediate reminder that I am not in my own home. My blackout blinds would never betray me like that, noon or not.

    A residue headache is still beating away at my temples, and my cheek feels hot to the touch. I guess it¡¯s safe to say that last night definately wasn¡¯t a nightmare.

    Reaching for the bedside locker, I pick up my phone to find that it¡¯s been inundated with voice mails and messages from Jamie. There''s a voice mail from Sarah there too, so I sit myself up and listen to that first.

    "Hey Sis, I was just calling to say hi, thought maybe I¡¯d see if you wanted to have a coffee later?Call me back! Oh hey, I hear we have a mutual friend actually. Or you have a friend who''s a friend of my friend I guess?I don''t know what they call that! Anyway, call me, I''m at home today so you should come over, the girls would love to see you, and I''d love to let you look after them while I get my caffeine fix. Love you."

    I don''t have the headspace to worry about how much Will might have told his friend Adam or Sarah before Jamies messages begin to play.

    "Iz, please listen to me, I know I really messed up this time, the second it happened I knew it was too far. I tried to take care of you after... I tried to fix it. Look, all of that stuff that my dad said, I can explain it. I was just trying to do something nice for the guys at work. It was a bad move I know, but it was just some dancers, it was nothing. I didn''t touch any of them, I promise. God Iz... I really didn''t expect you to leave. Please come home to me, I love you."

    The next one plays as I try to wrap my head around the first.

    "Izzy it''s me again, this is all so nuts, I have to see you. Let me explain everything, you''ll understand. Tell me where you are and I''ll come to you. Please call me."

    The next three messages that play are pretty much the same thing. Pleading, explaining... lying. I''m angry about so much, but it¡¯s the lies that make it that much worse. Dancers? Is that why he called one a call girl? The one he sent to the hospital? Or at least somebody did, I don''t know who, and I doubt I''ll ever find out what happened either if he''s already lying about it. But I heard his father loud and clear.

    ¡°¡®I really didn¡¯t expect you to leave.¡¯¡±

    Those words play over and over in my mind. At what point did he expect me to? Did he think I''d just wait around until he tried to kill me?

    As I contemplate that question, my phone suddenly dings in my hands with a new text message. Needless to say, it¡¯s Jamie.

    JAMIE: Babe, I really wish you''d tell me that you''re somewhere safe. I need to know you''re okay. I need to talk to you. Please? xx

    My stomach turns at his use of affectionate names. I¡¯m not his babe, and I won¡¯t ever be again either. I think this time it''s really it for me.

    I could be petty and message him back, tell him that I''m safe because I''m not with him, but it''s best that I don''t. Right now I''m torn between how much I love who he could be all of the time, and how much I hate who he turns into some of the time.

    I do text Sarah though, letting her know I can''t make it today. I need some time for this swelling to go down before I see anyone. As always with her, she texts me back almost immediately.

    SARAH: Ugh, you suck! Call me later. I need to ask you about something! x

    I''m curious about that something, but I think I¡¯ll call her back at a better time. One where I don''t think I''ll be a blubbering mess down the phone.

    Perching myself on the edge of the bed, I glance around the hotel room. I was so tired when I got here that I didn''t take a proper look at it.

    It''s nice, cozy even. The bed linen is as soft as silk, and it looks brand new too. I wonder how often they replace it? There¡¯s no product in the world that would keep it this clean I imagine. The carpet under my feet feels like I¡¯m walking on a cloud, I feel like I should have left my shoes outside in the hall. Taking a look inside the bathroom, my jaw drops when I get a glimpse of the shower. It¡¯s got to be big enough to fit five people comfortably. I literally marvel at it for a while. This place is probably somewhere you''d come for a romantic weekend away. I find myself shaking my head in disbelief of the fact that I''m here, not with my boyfriend, but because of him.

    How did my life end up here? How could I allow someone to do this to me? Why did I take it for so long?

    Unable to face those questions yet, I climb back into bed, curling myself up into a ball. Wrapping the bed covers tightly around me, I allow myself to cry. I mourn the person I was, and the life I had. I mourn all of the things that I lost because I choose Jamie. The time for being strong will come, but it''s not today.

    ??

    As the day goes on, I spend most of it in the room switching between crying, vomiting or searching for a place to live. By the late afternoon my stomach is raw and I''m not even sure how many applications I''ve sent out.

    There''s a thrift store nearby that I need to get to before they close at five, so I make the effort to have a quick shower before I get going.

    I try concealing the bruising on my face with some make up. It''s not a bad job, but it doesn''t cover it all. I realise then that it¡¯s going to be hard to hide over the next few days, given how the bruise hasn''t progressed much yet. For now it''s the best I can do, so I finish getting ready and go.

    A baseball cap and some sunglasses are top of the list. I pick those up at a gas station down the street from the hotel and then run to the thrift store to see if I can get a few items of clothing that will do for the next couple of days. I''m not sure when I''ll be able to get all my stuff from the apartment. Or how. Or where it''s going...

    After picking up a sandwich and a few snacks to eat when I get back to the room, I make my way back to the hotel. My trip out into the world was short lived, but even that was too much right now.

    The minute I¡¯m back in my room, I crawl right back into bed. I''m feeling so lost and afraid right now that it¡¯s all I can do not to let it eat me alive.

    At one point, Wills book catch''s my eye from the little dresser across the room as I peak out from under the bedcovers. I debate sending him a message after being so rude the other day, but I''m unsure if I really want to. It would be so nice to have a friend right now, but I couldn''t even begin to explain any of this, and I''m having a hard time convincing myself that friendship is all that I want from him. Maybe I''m just feeling vindictive for all of the things Jamie has done over these past few years. Maybe I want to hurt him like he hurt me. Whatever it is, I know that it¡¯s best to leave it alone.

    My phone continues to light up with calls and messages from Jamie, all going unread and unanswered as I try to block out the memory of him laughing at me while I was on my knees in front of him. I exhaust myself with tears as the rest of the evening seems to slip by me, and when I do eventually drift back off to sleep, I''m tormented in my dreams with images of Jamie finding me here, making me pay for my silence. I can¡¯t escape him.

    ??

    Sunday morning comes, and I figure that it can¡¯t do any harm to try and cheer myself up with a run. I jump up, drive to a park I wouldn''t normally go to and put on some headphones. I run. I run and I run and I run so long that my legs start to cramp and feel like they''ll collapse at any moment, but then I just keep going. Feeling anything other than the anxious pit in my stomach is a win in my book.

    By the time I get back to the hotel, there''s another barrage of messages from Jamie and a follow up one from Sarah too. Shoot! I never called her back yesterday. I should probably get it over with, so I pull up her number and press call.

    "Well hello there stranger!," she says the second she answers. She''s always so sarcastic when we''ve gone awhile without seeing each other.

    "Hey, how are you? Sorry I didn''t call yesterday." I don''t try to give an excuse, she won''t ask for one either.

    "Me? I''m swell! Emily just vomited up a pack of gummy worms that she ate in secret, so that''s fun!"The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    I can hear her trying to manage things in the background, it certainly sounds like she has her hands full. "Ohh no no," she says, scolding one of the girls, "no more sweets for you! Go lay down until your tummy starts to feel better.¡±

    "Am I interrupting?" I ask, "I can call back later if it¡¯s a bad time?"

    "No it''s alright, I''ve seen this kid fish candy out of the trash, she''ll be fine. So, how are you? Did you do anything with your weekend?"

    My stomach bottoms out. It¡¯s a good thing I''ve already mastered lying to her about how things are with Jamie.

    "Not much," I say, "Jamie was at a work thing Friday so I was home, we stayed in last night too."

    "Oh, really? That guy Will said you had plans with Jamie on Friday. He said that''s why you didn''t come to the show?"

    Why on earth would Will say that? Why did he even bring me up!?

    "Um...no?, I mean, I never told him that. Maybe it was a miscommunication or something. I just said that I couldn''t make it to the show, he must of assumed¡­"

    "I see. So how come you didn''t come then?," she questions, "It would have been great to have a night out with you, it¡¯s been forever. You''ll have to come along next time."

    I''m not good at this, I''ve no idea what Will told my sister and I don''t want her to catch me in this lie.

    "I just didn''t feel up to it,¡± I tell her, ¡°it was a long week with work." Vague, thats the best option here. "But sure, I''d love to come next time, it would be fun." I can get out of that one when the time comes.

    "I''m holding you to it," she says. "So how do you know Will anyway?"

    Sarah is suspiciously curious about him, I don''t like it one bit.

    "I met him at the store, he comes in and out sometimes, he is a musician after all."

    "Right, that''s what he said too, I just thought it was weird¡­"

    "Weird? In what way?"

    "Well, don''t eat me up here Iz, but I didn''t think you were allowed to have male friends. Especially new ones."

    I''ve no idea how to respond to that. She¡¯s completely right of course, but it still leaves me a little stunned for a second.

    "I¡¯m sorry," she says, "I realise how that sounds Iz, but after that whole thing with Jamie and that guy Zach and the fact that I never hear you talk much about your friends anymore... well I just thought it was all kind of strange."

    I never realised how observant Sarah was when it came to Jamie and I. I''d give her credit for it if I wasn''t sweating due to of all of her questions right now.

    "Of course I can," I insist, keeping my voice as lighthearted as I can manage, "don''t be silly. I can have whatever friends I want, Jamie doesn''t care."

    Jamie doesn''t know.

    "Oh, okay. We''ll I''m glad to hear that,¡± she says. ¡°So how is Captain Colourless anyway?"

    I can hear the mischief in her voice as I hold back a smile. Sarah has called Jamie that from the day she met him. She thinks he''s dull. She said that even his voice was monotonous. It''s not true of course, I know first hand that there is nothing dull about Jamie at all.

    "He''s fine,¡± I reply, ¡°he spent all weekend sleeping off a hangover."

    Should I just tell her, I wonder? Tell her we broke up and that I''ve moved out? I know I could, but then she¡¯ll want to come comfort me, and I don''t want her to see me right now. Not looking this bad. God I hate this, it''s so hard not being able to talk to her

    I begin to steer our conversation away from Jamie, that way I don''t have to lie.

    "So hey, what was this thing you wanted to talk to me about?," I ask.

    "Oh, yeah.¡± Sarah grows silent for a few seconds, which is very unlike her. Normally I can¡¯t get her to take a breath between words. I think I might know what this is about. ¡°Um,¡± she mumbles, ¡°so I was wondering if¡­ well actually I wasn''t wondering anything but¡­¡±

    ¡°Spit it out Sarah.¡±

    ¡°Okay¡­ Dad has been asking about you.¡±

    Ah, of course, exactly what I expected. This is my dad¡¯s usual trick. He contacts me via Sarah so that he doesn''t actually have to speak to me directly.

    "No, you mean to say that he''s been complaining because I haven''t been over there since Easter," I say, correcting her. "He has my number Sarah, I don''t know why he has to make you tell me to come visit."

    "He doesn''t make me!,¡± she argues. ¡°I like it when we all get together. He just wants to see you for your birthday, thats not a bad thing is it?"

    "We only all get together because he can''t be alone with me," I say. "And he does know my birthday isn''t for another month right?¡±

    "Oh he knows,¡± she says, ¡°but he reckons it will probably take that long just to get you there."

    I let out a genuine laugh that makes my face ache. The man is a pain in my ass, but his smart mouth always finds a way to make me smile. He has the type of dry wit that I find amusing. Jamie thinks that it makes him appear rude, but it¡¯s the only part of my father that I actually enjoy.

    "Izzy, you know he wants you to come over a lot more than you do right?," Sarah asks.

    "So he can make me feel like I''ve murdered half our family? No thanks."

    "Izzy, that''s not fair."

    "None of it''s fair Sarah. He might have lost his wife and father in law, but we lost our mom and Pop Pop too. I needed him, but instead he blamed me and I lost a dad who loved me on top of it all."

    "He does love you Iz," she says. "If you''d just talk to him, I know he regrets a lot of what happened, he might not say it but he does."

    "That''s exactly the problem though isn''t it Sarah? He doesn''t say it."

    Just like always, we''re now at a standstill. Sarah won''t stop trying to defend our dad, and I won''t say that I can get past it. It¡¯s the same old story every-time we do this.

    Eventually I let out a sigh and give in just so I don''t have to fight her on it.

    "Fine," I say, "I''ll go see him."

    I don''t know why I ever bother to argue it, once my dad sends Sarah to fetch me, she always returns home triumphant.

    "Aw Iz, that would be great!," she squeals. "He''ll be so happy to see you. What are you doing Sunday of next week? I''m thinking barbecue.¡±

    "Oh wow, you were sure I''d give in weren¡¯t you?"

    "Can you tell me one time that I haven''t succeeded with this?"

    I can''t help but laugh, she''s right. It''s a sore subject for both of us, but we try not to let it come between us for the most part. Sarah adores Dad, and I can''t be mad at her over the fact that she gets the best version of him, as hard as that can be to swallow.

    I quickly do some estimations in my head. By next Sunday, even if the bruising on my face hasn''t fully faded, I''m sure it will be easy to cover up, so I figure it¡¯s safe to agree. I''m looking forward to seeing Emily and Anna at least, I hate going long periods without seeing them.

    "Great, so that''s Sunday." Sarah says, sounding like she''s ticking off a check list. "Now, what are you doing on Friday night?"

    "Um... I don''t know?"

    Hopefully I''m not still homeless.

    "Well, you just said you''d come to the next gig Adams band plays right? Well guess what? That''s the next one, so now you''re doing that!"

    "Oh, uh¡­I don''t kn-"

    "I know, I know, you''re shocked that I''m out two weeks in a row while I have two beautiful babies. Well lucky for them, they have plenty of grandparents who want sleepovers, so I''m taking advantage of it as much as I can, and you''re coming with me."

    "Can I see how this week goes?," I ask, attempting to dodge the invite. "I don''t mean to be flakey, I just have a lot of stuff I need to get done."

    "Hmm, I''m choosing to take that as a solid yes. Mark is actually bringing some equipment for Adam and the guys in his truck that night so we can get ready here and go together if you like?"

    "I¡¯m not sure, I''ll let you know okay?"

    I already start to think about what possible excuse I¡¯ll use for this, because there¡¯s no way in hell that I¡¯ll really be going to that gig. It¡¯s not a good idea for me to see Will, not to mention that I¡¯ve far too many things to get done before Friday. Just thinking about it sets off a string of worries in my mind. I need to find somewhere to live. And what if I don''t? I''ll need to make a plan for that too. I also have to figure out what I''m doing about work tomorrow, and what I''m going to tell people. Crap, I''ve so much to organise.

    With a whole new headache to fend off, I quickly finish up my call with Sarah, conscious of the fact that I need to get started. I''m annoyed that I gave in so quickly when it came to seeing my dad, but I have enough to stress about, so I ignore that problem for now and begin to pace the hotel room, trying to come up with some sort of objective.

    After wearing a hole in this velvety carpet and weighing up all of my options, I ultimately decide to tell the ladies that I fell while out running. I can say that I tripped up some steps or over a dog lead or something, both are believable where I¡¯m concerned. This way I don''t need to take too much time off of work.

    Next thing I need to figure out is where I''m going to live. I can afford another few nights here at the hotel if I need to, but I¡¯d like to keep my stay short if I still want to have a rental deposit, so I need to send off some more applications and see how that plays out. If somehow the worst happens and I can''t get a place as quick as I hope to, I''m sure Sarah will take me in for a few weeks. I doubt that she''d mind.

    Once I''ve sorted through all of that and made some kind of game plan for myself, I start to feel a little bit calmer about things. I feel like it might all actually work out, like I dont need Jamie to survive.

    ??

    I took a shower to relax my muscles after my run, but after I got out there were even more texts and voicemails from Jamie. He really isn''t going to make this easy is he?

    Looking over a few of the messages, I wonder why he bothered. They''re all filled with the same excuses as before, although his last one does stand out to me.

    JAMIE: Iz, I really need talk to you, I''m ready to be honest with you and tell you what''s been going on. Things haven''t been right and I know it. Please just meet me somewhere, it can be as public as you want, but I need to tell you some stuff. Please hear me out, I really need you right now.

    It''s weird, he almost sounds vulnerable, and that¡¯s not like Jamie at all. Either way, I decide to delete the message and switch my phone to silent. Right now I need to find somewhere to live and I don''t need the distraction.

    Opening up my emails, I find I''ve received one solitary reply out of all of the applications I sent out yesterday. All it does is give me a date that the room is available for viewing, and that''s over two weeks away. This is not looking good.

    A few more hours and countless more applications for rooms and studios later, I''m both frazzled and tired. Every place begins to look the same, and my stomach is screaming at me for food. I pick up my phone only to find that the battery has died too. Shit, I never took my charger from our bedroom when I was leaving. I groan in frustration, this is the last thing I need.

    Thankfully I remember that there was a little stand at the a gas station up the street. With any luck they might at least have a cable that I can plug in here. The hotel has those little USB ports anyway so its worth a try. I pull on my baseball cap and grab my purse, crossing my fingers that I get lucky.

    The foyer of the hotel is buzzing with people as I make my way through. It¡¯s late Sunday afternoon, and there''s some sort of instrumental live music and dinner happening. I look like I''m about to hold up a store or something with my sweat pants, t-shirt and cap combo, so I make the effort to be as invisible as possible, pulling the cap low over my face. I don''t want to have a bunch of people staring at me.

    I spot Jennifer starting another shift on my way out and give her a small wave, her big wide smile could fix my whole day.

    Rushing out the front door, I try to remember the direction of the gas station, but between that and my hat being pulled down, I lose my surroundings a little and accidentally smack right into somebody as they walk by the hotel.

    My hat comes off, and I somehow manage to knock the persons coffee right out of their hands, spilling it all over my white t-shirt. This day is just getting better and better.

    "Oh my god, I''m really sorry," I begin to blabber with embarrassment. "I wasn''t looking where I was going. I''m so clumsy."

    I pick up their coffee cup, which is actually pretty pointless considering that I''m now wearing the thing. They''re busy reassuring me, telling me that it''s alright as they grab my baseball cap off the ground. It''s only when they hand it to me that we finally get a look at each other.

    "Will?"

 Chapter 11

    This isn''t good.

    A rush of blood floods my brain as I become painfully aware of my lack of make up, and that Will now holds my baseball cap.

    "Isobel?," he asks with caution, "what are you doing here?"

    His eyes linger on the bruise that sits under my eye before he peers up at the hotel sign. I know his mind is putting two and two together.

    My mouth starts to feel like I''ve tried to eat a bucket of sand.

    "I-I''m staying here for a few days," I say, my voice just as weak as I feel right now.

    "Are you alright?"

    He''s trying to be polite, but that¡¯s not the question that he really wants to ask.

    "Yeah, of course..."

    I try to think quick, clutching at the first excuse that comes to mind.

    "Our apartment sprung a leak, so I''m staying here while it gets sorted out."

    Gesturing to my face, I roll my eyes, "Can you guess how I found out about it?" I say, attempting to laugh and play this whole thing off as nothing. "I walked into the kitchen and slipped. The water was everywhere... I''m sure I look awful."

    That''s not my planned excuse I know, but how else could I explain the hotel? I panicked!

    Not that Will seems to be buying my story anyway.

    I keep the smile stuck to my face, crossing my fingers that he won''t ask any more questions.

    "Right...," he says, "sure¡­ so are you here alone? That bruise looks pretty bad."

    He winces as his gaze falls to it again.

    "Yeah, it''s just me. Jamie had to go out of town for a few days with work."

    "Yeah? That''s pretty bad timing"

    "Um hum," I say, trying to keep the pretence up, although I feel like I''m failing miserably. Time to move this conversation on.

    "So, what are you doing around here Will?," I ask, "Do you live nearby?"

    I don''t know if he even heard what I asked, because he just continues to stare at me, narrowing his eyes like he''s bubbling with anger or something. I swallow hard, knowing that my body language is giving everything away. I wasn¡¯t prepared for this.

    "Alright," he says, taking a small step back. "I''m just going to come right on out and ask the question Isobel, because I can''t pretend that I''m not thinking it."

    He watches for my reaction, but I stupidly pretend that I don''t understand what he¡¯s getting at.

    "I might be overstepping here," he says, "but did somebody do that to you?"

    I''m genuinely a little taken aback that he''d be so forthcoming with his suspicion, not to mention that he would voice it so publicly too.

    I look around us, noting the multiple groups of people passing us on the street, along with the odd curious look that comes our way. I''m suddenly feeling very exposed.

    "I don''t know what you mean!," I snap at him as I grab my hat from his hand. "I have to go."

    Turning on my heel, I walk towards the gas station, but Will follows close behind, weaving through bodies as he tries to keep up with me.

    "Izzy, c''mon, you wouldn''t be so offended if I was wrong!"

    "I am offended, and you are wrong," I say, continuing to stomp my way down the street, refusing to stop and talk to him.

    He try''s to force my hand.

    "I''ve been in enough scuffles to know a face that''s been punched versus a face that''s hit the floor Isobel."

    "It was a door knob actually," I mumble smugly, as if I have any right to be that self satisfied about it. "And nobody can tell the difference between a punch and a fall Will, you''re trying to trick me into telling you something that didn''t happen, but there''s nothing to tell, so goodbye."

    I speed up, hoping to shake him, but he''s persistent, just like he was before.

    He follows me all the way to the gas station, stopping short of following me inside.

    Taking a look around,  I search for the phone accessories. As soon as I find the cable I need, I join the queue to pay.

    I sneak a quick glance out the window, to check if Will has given up and left me be. I can''t spot him out there, so it looks like he may have taken the hint. What was he even doing around here anyway?

    After paying, I walk back outside to find that I wasn''t as lucky as I first thought, because there Will is, leaning against the building as casual as ever with his hands in his pockets like he doesn''t have a care in the world.

    Why do I find that so infuriating?

    He calls after me as I leave, walking my way right by him.

    "Izzy wait," he says before rushing up behind me and pulling on my hand, forcing me to turn and face him.

    I''m sure he doesn''t mean for it to be aggressive, and maybe it''s the fact that I really don''t know him all that well, or it could be that I am sick to death of men thinking that they can touch me however they like, but either way, it wasn''t a good move on his part.

    I round on him, "Don''t fucking touch me!," I yell at him, drawing more looks from the strangers around us.

    He moves back, dropping my hand like it''s hot coal.

    "What?," I say through gritted teeth. "What do you want from me Will?"

    "Izzy I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to scare you. I wanted to make sure you''re okay, thats all."

    "I''m fine! Now leave me alone Will."

    Nothing here is his fault, and I''m already aware that I''ll feel bad about this later, but right now I can''t seem to keep my frustration in check.

    He hesitates for a second, seeming annoyed with me more than anything.

    "Y''know Izzy, that''s twice now since I''ve met you that you''ve lied to me. I''m trying to be understanding here, but do it one more time and that''ll be your third strike. I''ll walk away and you''ll be nobody to me."

    "Is that a threat or a promise Will?," I ask.

    "It''s whatever you want it to be."

    I think about his words as we stare each other down. What I want? Don¡¯t make me laugh. What I want here is irrelevant, because I can''t have it no matter what way I look at it. So why torture myself?

    I approach him, closing the gap that he put between us and getting so close that I bet he can smell his americano as it soaks through my shirt. I need him to stop trying to figure this out.

    "The reason I didn''t want to go to the cafe with you the other day was because I''d already been in there at lunchtime with my boyfriend, not because the coffee shop was better. So there you go Will, there''s your third lie, now I can be that nobody."

    I turn away from him, ready to retreat, but his voice catches me one more time.

    "Is that the same boyfriend that left that bruise on your face?"

    It hits me like a bullet, just as he intended. I sigh as I face him again, completely giving up the fight.

    "Yes Will. That''s the one. Are you happy now?"

    ??

    Will and I are at an impasse. He isn¡¯t sure what to say now that he knows the truth, and I dont know what else to say now that I''ve told him it. Everything feels perfectly still for a moment as we bathe in our own thoughts.

    I study the pavement as he studies me. I''m unable to meet his stare, but I know I need to do some damage control.

    "Please don''t tell your friend Adam," I say, "or Sarah. I don''t want anyone to know."

    Will instantly softens, but I still can''t look at him. I cant bare to see whatever sympathy he has for me etched on his face. I hate it.

    After my mom and grandfather died, sympathy was all I saw for years. Everybody feels sorry for you all of the time when something like that happens. I already couldn''t feel normal simply because it happened. I didn''t need the constant reminder of it plastered onto peoples faces too. With their big sad eyes and stiff awkward smiles. I didn''t want it then, and I don''t want it now.

    I should have known though, that Will isn''t everybody, because he takes me by complete surprise when he doesn''t give me the ''it will get better for you'' speech. He doesn''t say anything at all actually. Instead, Will simply wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him. He holds me there, resting his chin on my head as I inhale his scent, letting me feel whatever it is that I want to feel.

    I''m sure we look peculiar to passers by, but I don''t care, it''s so nice to just be.

    After a little while, Will loosens his hold and makes the best suggestion I''ve heard all year.

    "You wanna'' go get a drink? Seems like you could use one."

    "That sounds good. Do you know anywhere around here that''s not my hotel? Or picky about attire?," I ask, glancing down at the mess I am.

    Will looks over my coffee splattered t-shirt with a grin that I don''t quite understand.

    "I might know a place," he says as he gestures for me to follow him.

    ??

    Will and I arrive at a bar and grill that''s a short walk away from my hotel. There''s a row of different restaurants all along the same street, and the smell coming from every single one is divine. I''ve been here a bunch of times before. ''Benny''s Burgers''. In my opinion, it''s the best burger place in town, and right now I''m ready to eat ten of them.

    I follow Will, shrinking myself to squeeze past people as they order drinks at the bar, some look at us as we go, giving Will the odd wave or nod of the head. He must be a regular.

    He takes my hand as we round the bar, coming to a door that leads into the kitchen. To my surprise, he proceeds to go right on through it. I pull back from him, feeling a bit unsure.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

    "It''s okay," he says, "this is my dads place."

    His dads place? I was expecting a street truck or something from the way he spoke about it before. I guess I really should have asked.

    Will guides me forward through the kitchen. It''s chaotic, there''s people shouting orders and rushing around with plates of hot food, blindly finding their way through smoke as the grills sizzle. It''s a world away from the atmosphere out there at the bar that''s for sure.

    As we make it to the end of the kitchen, he brings me through a second door that opens out into a tiny hallway.

    "Annie?," Will calls as he checks inside one of the rooms. "You back here?¡±

    "I''m in here," a soft voice yells out from behind us.

    Will turns towards it, leading us into a small dark office with only a desk lamp illuminating it.

    "Did you forget something? I thought you were¡­ oh."

    The voice trails off as I step inside behind Will, keeping myself as hidden as I can.

    "Annie, this is my friend Isobel,¡± Will explains. ¡°Do you have a shirt or something here that she could borrow? I spilled some coffee on hers."

    "Hi, nice to meet you," I offer meekly, removing my hat so I don''t seem so rude. It''s dark in here, and I stay behind Will hoping whoever this girl is doesn''t get too curious.

    She eyes me up and down before standing to open up a tall metal locker behind her. It¡¯s filled with uniforms that she''s digs through until she finds what she''s looking for.

    "Here," she says as she hands me a white top with some ''Benny''s Burgers'' graphics on it. "You''re not going to bring any trouble here are you?,"she adds, holding me in place with her cold glare.

    I must look a mess. She probably thinks Will pulled me from a alleyway or something.

    "No, not at all," I say, "I''m usually a lot more put together than this."

    She rolls her eyes, still unimpressed.

    "Annie, that''s enough," Will interjects. "She''s a friend and she needs some help, don''t push it."

    Annie sits back down at her desk while Will directs me back out to the bathroom where I quickly get changed and discard my stained t-shirt. There''s no way that coffee is coming out. Taking a quick look in the mirror, I can clearly see why that Annie girl is cautious, although I really was not expecting to be coming here.

    When I get back to the office, Annie''s whole attitude seems to have flipped on it''s head. Will must have filled her in during the whole minute I was gone, and she''s making zero effort to pretend that he hasn''t. So much for keeping it to himself.

    "Do you need something to eat Izzy?," she offers, "I can have someone from the kitchen cook you up a burger? Or some chicken wings?"

    It''s a really kind offer, and I am starving, but I don''t want to take advantage, so I politely decline.

    Will has other ideas however, and calls out to some guy that''s passing in the corridor and asks him to organise two burgers with fries and to let him when they''re ready.

    "Where are you staying?" Annie asks as she looks me over again, her eyes doing that sad look that I mentioned people do. Who is this girl?

    "I''m at the Marrion," I tell her. "It''s not too far from here. I''ll be there for the next few days."

    "Well," Annie chirps as she stands up anddigs through her purse before pulling out a business card and handing it to me. "I never use these things," she mutters. "My number is on there and I have a spare room if you need it. I know Will does too, but if you''d prefer a female companion I''d be more than happy to put you up for a few weeks."

    I''m stunned into silence. Seriously who is this girl? Doesn¡¯t she know what stranger danger is?

    "Annie!," Will scolds her. "Calm down, I''m sure Izzy has her own plans."

    He looks to me apologetically before explaining. "Sorry, she has a problem with boundaries."

    "Hey!," Annie exclaims as she elbows him in the ribs.

    My eyes bounce between them in utter confusion. I''m not one hundred percent sure of the relationship here, and the business card in my hand doesn¡¯t seem to be all that helpful.

    ''Annie McDermott'' is written across the top of it in gold lettering, but I don''t actually recall Will telling me his last name before. It¡¯s only when I see the word ¡®owner¡¯ written underneath that I think I¡¯ve figured it out.

    "So just to be sure," I say as I read over Annie''s details again, "you¡¯re Wills sister right? Is McDermott an Irish name?"

    Will goes wide eyed as he realises that he hasn''t even introduced us. "Shit, I''m sorry! Yes of course,¡± he says, ¡°this is my sister Annie, and no, before she starts, we aren''t Irish. Our grandparents are."

    "Which makes us Irish," Annie chips in.

    "No it doesn''t!"

    "It does," she chimes, taking great pleasure from Wills protests.

    "It really doesn¡¯t,¡± he argues. ¡°We weren¡¯t born in Ireland Annie, we weren''t raised there. We aren''t part of the customs or the culture or the ideals. We¡¯ve been over this, the only thing Irish about us is our surname.¡±

    Somehow I sense that this is a dividing topic for the two of them, but it''s fun to watch them bicker about it none the less.

    "No!," Annie insists. "We can apply for citizenship, I''ve checked. So we pretty much are. And I go to Irish bars all the time. Oh! Maybe we should turn this place into an Irish Bar?"

    "What? No way! If Dad wanted it to be an Irish bar he would have called it ''S¨¦an McDermots Irish Beef Burgers'' or something, but he didn''t, because we''re not Irish!"

    "So, was your dads name Benny or S¨¦an?", I ask with bewilderment.

    "Neither," they say in unison.

    Wow, now I''m really lost. And to top it off, Annie wants me to be the decision maker for some

    unknown reason.

    "What do you think Izzy?," she asks, "We''re Irish right?"

    "Oh. Um¡­ well, I''m not sure."

    They''re absolutely not, but I can¡¯t tell her that when she''s just offered me clothes, food and a place to live all within the first five minutes of meeting me.

    "Isn¡¯t Tully an Irish name too?," Will cleverly points out. "Do you consider yourself Irish Izzy?"

    "Well¡­ uh, no. But I don''t know how far back in my family that name goes either."

    I can only assume by the smile on his face that my answer means Will wins the argument.

    Annie rolls her eyes once more.

    "Oh shut up Will, of course she''s going to side with you!"

    I flush with embarrassment, but before Annie has the chance to elaborate any further on that, there''s a knock at the door. It''s the same guy from a little earlier, letting Will know that the burgers are ready. Thank god it was fast.

    Just before Will and I leave, Annie takes my arm and pulls me close to her.

    "You''ll think about what I said won''t you? About the room? It''s just sitting there empty."

    "Of course," I say. "Thank you so much for offering. I''ll think about it. I''m sure my sister has some space for me though."

    "A room?"

    "No, but I''ll have time to work it all out."

    "That''s nonsense!," she says, "I rent it out all of the time, I just haven''t had a minute recently to get it organised. And you never know, you might like it so much that you stay."

    "Thanks Annie," I say, giving her a warm smile. "I''ll come back to you on it. I haven''t been having much luck with finding a place anyway."

    "Great. And look, I¡¯m sure Will might say that I''m sticking my nose in somewhere that it doesn''t belong, but please let us know if you need anything else alright?"

    "Thank you, you''re so sweet, I really appreciate it."

    "Great, I hope I see you again Izzy," she says, before sitting herself back down at her desk and continuing her paperwork.

    Will and I find a comfy little booth that''s not too loud back out near the bar area, and then he orders us both a beer. I wouldn''t normally be a fan, but he insists that it would be blasphemous to have any other beverage with a burger.

    A waitress brings over our drinks and chats a little with Will about how her shift is going. He introduces us out of politeness, but I oddly find myself wondering just how familiar they are. I silently tell myself to grow up and swallow down that pang of jealously before taking a big mouthful of the burger as she walks away. It''s like heaven. I haven''t eaten properly in days, so this is like a gourmet meal right now.

    The silence between us is a bit lumber-some, so I make the effort to inject some small talk.

    "So this is your dads place?" I ask, "Is that why you were near the hotel?"

    "Yeah, I''d just left actually. Sometimes the carpark here is overfull so I park on a side-street not too far from your hotel."

    "Oh I''m so sorry, I didn''t mean to drag you all the way back here, you should have said."

    "You didn''t,¡± Will says reassuringly, ¡°I suggested it, so no need to apologise."

    "Right. Okay. Well this place is great," I say. "I''ve been here a few times before actually, the food is always really good."

    I''m not even trying to flatter him with that, the food really is amazing, it always has been.

    "Yeah Annie does a great job," he says, "I don''t have much to do with the menu side of things. I mostly stick to maintenance and background work. She''s better at managing people. It works for us this way." Will looks around the bar, the two little creases between his eyebrows showing his concern as his mind ticks over. "Or at least it did work," he continues. "We''re not sure what''s changed. It''s gotten quieter lately, and there''s been a bit of a dip in profits. Annie is considering a new menu. I''ll probably have to get a little more hands on until we figure it out."

    Will shrugs his shoulders, but its clear that he''s concerned. It is his dads legacy after all.

    "Who¡¯s Benny?" I question, still just as confused as earlier.

    Will smiles like he''s remembering someone.

    "That would be my grandfather on my fathers side, Bernard McDermot. My dads name was Finn. My grandparents are from Ireland, as I already mentioned. They come from county Wicklow, but they lived here for years. They came over, had their family and raised them through school. Then when my dad was in his early twenty''s they decided that they wanted to move back home. Dad had already met my mom by that stage, so he wanted to stay with her. He moved to Denver to be with her, and then they got married and had us. When they divorced, he moved back here to Ardeen and opened this place."

    "It was sweet of him to name it after your grandfather," I say with a smile.

    "It was," he agrees as he works away at his fries. "They came up with the special seasoning that we use in the meat together, so my dad wanted to make sure that he was included. I can''t tell you the recipe though I''m afraid, it''s a family secret."

    Will winks at me as he says that, and honestly I think I could die right now if that was going to be my last memory.

    "I''m sure I could get it out of you," I tease, giving him my best doe eyes.

    The side of his mouth creeps upward as he watches me. "Yeah, you probably could..."

    Will and I continue to chat as we eat, it''s obvious small talk, but I¡¯m just so happy to be out of the hotel room that I don¡¯t even care. Actually I rather enjoy it, it¡¯s nice to feel relaxed for a change.I never realised how on edge I was when Jamie and I came to places like this. There was always a worry in the back of my mind that I''d say or do something to upset him, but I don''t have that feeling here with Will.

    "So tell me," Will says with a smirk. "Who pours the better water? That cafe up the street from your job, or what was it? Deans Beans?"

    "Alright," I admit, "you have me there." I clear my throat, knowing it''s best to get this over with now.

    "Look I''m sorry, I know it seems like I''ve lied to you the whole time that you''ve known me, and I guess technically I have, but you know pretty much everything now, or at least more than anyone else. So from here on in you won''t hear another lie from me, I promise."

    Will pretends to think it over, exaggerating his expression.

    "Alright, I guess you can have have a forth strike. I mean, it''s unheard of for me, but there''s always an exception to the rule."

    "And I''m the exception in this case I take it?"

    "Yes," he says, his voice like a rumbling thunderstorm. "You''re the exception Isobel."

    Our eyes meet across the table. There''s an intensity between us that I try my hardest to ignore. I watch as Wills gaze stills on my lips, forcing my breath to stop. All too soon, his eyes shift to my cheek as he examines the bruised flesh while I fight the memory of how it came to be like that.

    His fist curls into ball on the table, and just like that, the moment is gone.

    "You wanna tell me what happened?," he asks, picking up his napkin to wipe his mouth.

    "That depends," I say, "are you going to tell your sister?"

    "Oh hey,¡± he says apologetically, ¡°I know you didn''t want me to say anything, but if I hadn''t told her why you were here she would have given you a hard time all night. She thought you were some random person off the street taking advantage of the fact I felt sorry for you. She won''t tell anyone, I promise."

    "No, it''s fine," I say, "I was just kidding. She seems really great actually."

    I take another sip of my beer as I think Wills question over.

    Do I really want to share the worst parts of my life with someone who is essentially a stranger?

    This stranger already knows my most intimate secret, so I wonder what harm it could really do? It might even help get the images of what happened out of my head.

    "Its a bit of a train-wreck," I warn him. "I''d understand if you''d rather not hear about it."

    "If you need someone to talk to, then I want to hear it Isobel."

    Will stretches his arm across the table and brushes his knuckles off of mine, sparking what feels like an electric current between us. I make no mention of the fact he''s still using my full name even though I told him not to. It''s actually starting to sound tolerable from him, nice even.

    I decide to go ahead and bite the bullet. Taking a deep breath, I start talking.

    I tell Will everything. I tell him all about the first time it happened over Zach''s text message, to the first time Jamie actually left a mark because I had burnt lunch. I never knew someone could get so angry over burnt pasta-bake.

    I tell him all about why I left this time too, I wasn''t sure how much of that night I was going to share, but once I started talking, I couldn''t stop. I felt nauseous as I explained it to him, holding back tears as I did. I described what Jamie told me to do, only for it to be some twisted way to demean me. I even told him about Tom arriving the next morning and everything that I overheard.

    When I finish up revealing everything that¡¯s tormented me these last few days, it''s like a giant bolder has been lifted off of my chest. I didn''t think I was going to share that much at all, never mind every detail. Maybe the fact I don''t know him all that well made it easier somehow.

    Will sits with everything I said for the longest time. He''s holding onto what he wants to say, and I can see that just about every muscle he has is tensed.

    Eventually he gets some words out.

    "That guy is an animal Izzy."

    "He''s not always like that," I say instinctively . "He obviously has a good side... a great side actually. He can be the very definition of the perfect boyfriend, but I don''t know what it is that changes inside of him when he gets mad at me."

    "Mad at you? Izzy that''s not mad. That''s sick. How do you not see that? Why are you defending him?"

    "I don''t think that I''m defending him, I just¡­ I dont know, I just want to give the full picture of who he is I guess."

    "I can see the full picture on your face right there," Will says as he nods his head toward my cheek. "I couldn''t care less about what a nice guy he is when he''s not treating you like shit."

    "No, that''s not what I meant. I''m just saying, ninety percent of the time he''s a good person Will, I know he regrets what he does."

    "Are you serious?," he says, raising his voice just enough to draw attention from the booth beside us. "So that guy can attempt to sexually assault you, but it''s okay because he buys you flowers after?"

    "That''s not what I said Will!" I argue, lowering my voice so as to avoid the stares. "Don''t put words in my mouth. I don''t understand why you''re reacting like this? Are you upset with me or something?"

    Will flinches as if he''s shocked that I''d ever assume that.

    "No," he says. "God no Izzy, I''m sorry. I''m not upset with you at all, I''m just... I''m furious for you. Aren''t you angry?"

    He''s angry for me? How did I not realise that? Have I really become so used to having to defend myself against Jamie that I can''t see when someone is fighting for me instead of against me?

    "I was angry," I tell him. "The first few times. I was angry at him for what he did, and then I was angry at myself for accepting it. But now I think I''m just tired Will. Does that make sense?"

    He doesn''t answer, but somehow I feel he gets it.

    "Can I ask you something?," he says. "And please don''t take any offence, I''m just curious to know the answer."

    I already know what''s coming, so I save him the breath.

    "Why did I stay?" I ask for him.

    "Yeah. I don''t think I get it. You have family, other options. I just wanna'' understand it."

    I mull Will''s question over. There¡¯s no denying that it''s a fair one. Why does anyone stay with a partner that hits them? Love? Fear? They''re the same thing when it comes to Jamie I think.

    Do I love him so much that I can''t leave him. Or do I fear him so much that I''m afraid to.

    I know deep down that neither of those things are what keeps me there.

    "I guess I don''t leave because I don''t think I deserve anything better," I say truthfully. "Sometimes I wonder if this is just the life that was meant for me y''know?"

    "Why would you say that Izzy? You have to know that you don''t truly deserve any of that."

    "I''m not so sure. I mean, I know he shouldn''t be doing it, I''m not oblivious to how wrong it is but, it¡¯s like it was always coming or something. When I first met Jamie, all I did was compare him to my dad. Ever since I was a kid, the more I pushed to be something in his life, the more he didn''t want me in it. And then Jamie came along, and it was the opposite. I didn''t need to push, he wanted me, and I clung to that like a life raft. Does that sound stupid? Comparing the two of them?"

    "Not really," he says, "it''s not unheard of to chase what a parent didn''t give you. Your dad sounds like he had some issues of his own though."

    "You could say that," I mumble.

    "Did something happen between you two?," he asks.

    I lock eyes with Will. This is about to open up a whole new can of worms, but why stop the revelations now?

    "You remember how I told you that my mom and grandfather died when I was young?,¡±

    I ask him.

    "Yeah?"

    "Well, my dad sort of thinks that I killed them."

 Chapter 12

    I obviously did not physically kill either my mom or my grandfather. Logically I know this. Logically my dad knows this too, however that logic couldn''t bring him to look me in the eye when he came into the hospital room to see me after it all happened. Or at the funeral, or memorial masses, or just about any time we spoke about them.

    In his mind, if I didn''t need to be somewhere that day, nobody would have been in the car, we would never have been hit by a truck, and my mom and pop pop would still be here, living.

    I was eleven when they died. I had a violin recital that day and we were running a little late. Sarah and Dad were meant to come along too, but Sarah had been running a fever since the night before, so they stayed behind. I was so excited to have my grandfather there to watch me that it didn¡¯t matter who else came along. He was going to see the results of all the work he had poured into me over the years, and that was all that mattered.

    My mom said that we were only a few minutes behind. She said she could still get us there on time and not to worry about it. I remember how she smiled at me through her rear view mirror, promising that it would all be fine.

    She loved to watch me perform. I¡¯m sure she intended to record me playing up there on stage that day, just like she did every other time. I¡¯d often search the crowd for her as soon as the curtain was drawn, only to find her standing off to the side of an aisle making sure that she caught every second on tape. She¡¯d give me a tight lipped smile as tears welled up in her eyes, making them seem like they were sparkling. I imagine it would have been no different if we had made it.

    At some point along the road, my mom missed a stop sign. A pick up truck coming from our left hand side had no time to stop, and it hit the front of our car. I don''t remember much of it, just that a lot of people came to help. All of a sudden I was with a strange woman at the back of an ambulance while paramedics worked on my grandfather. I couldn''t see my mom.

    The truck driver was across the street, sitting on the curb in a state of shock as he watched on. His face was almost grey. I remember that he had this tattoo on his forearm that I kept staring at. It was one of those vintage style ones with a cute little swallow flying over a banner that had the name Veronica written on it. Over the years I¡¯ve painted a picture in my head of who Veronica might be. Was she a girlfriend? A wife? Maybe even a daughter? All I really know about her is that her name is now etched into my memory.

    When we got to the hospital, they put me in a room on my own and had a doctor check me over. Bar a few cuts and bruises, I was completely fine. I figured that was going to be the case for my mom and grandfather too, and that all I was waiting for was for them to see a doctor like me.

    I waited and waited for my mom to walk in and check on me, I must of asked to see her a hundred times.

    When my dad finally arrived, he walked into the room like he was afraid of what was inside. I could tell that he had been crying, but there was no sensitivity from him at all, he just came right out and said it.

    "They''re dead Isobel."

    I can still hear those three words every time I think about it. Still hear the break in his voice. The sound of his uncontrollable sobbing haunts me.

    My mom pretty much died on impact when the truck hit. My grandfather hung on as best he could, but he died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital from internal bleeding. It was strange really, the only thing that saved me was my placement in the car. I was sitting on the right hand side in the back. I think about that all the time. Had I got in the other side of the car, or had I begged my pop pop to let me sit up front with him like I usually did, I''d be with them.

    Everyone said I was lucky.

    I wished that I¡¯d been sitting up front.

    For months the remainder of our family moved through this thick black fog. Our whole world was dark. Finding any kind of normal was impossible, and every single bit of our life changed.

    We would take Sunday visits to the graveyard, Sarah and I began to dread the weekends, but Dad insisted. One Sunday, several months after they had passed, my dad had been having a particularly rough week. That''s when he said it.

    He turned to me, tears running down his face as he clutched their headstone and he said;

    "I can''t help but blame you for all of this Isobel. They should be here, but they''re not and it''s all because you wanted to go to that god-damn recital."

    That was it, our relationship was never the same again.

    Sarah was like a mediator at times, ensuring communication happened between us. Of course my dad took care of me in a basic sense. He made sure that I had everything I needed physically, but emotionally, the difference between Sarah and I was measurable.

    I tried everything to win him back. I never caused trouble at school, I was always home on time, no drugs, no drinking, no boys creeping around. I worked hard thinking it would all mean something to him, but it didn''t. The older I got, the harder it was to come back from. So I stopped trying so hard to get his attention. I stayed with friends as much as I could, did extra classes, got a part time job. Anything that meant I was out of that house as much as possible.

    I''m sure he was happy when I finally moved out at nineteen. He didn''t have to avoid entering rooms incase he had to engage with me anymore. He didn''t even have to think about me if he didn''t want to.

    These days we''re civil when we see each other. We ask the expected questions, give the expected answers. He checks in on me by telling Sarah when I haven''t been around for awhile, then she guilts me into visiting him again. We follow that pattern year after year and that''s just how we get by.

    ??

    "So", I say, watching for Will''s reaction after spilling my guts to him for the second time tonight. "You''ve known me a handful of days now, and so far I''ve lied about having a boyfriend, had a panic attack, been a bitch to you, spilled your coffee while hiding from that boyfriend I lied about, been a bitch again, and now I''ve told you all about how my father thinks I killed my family. Are you scared to know me yet?"

    Will steals a moment to gather his thoughts, taking in a deep breath as he tries to make sense of it all.

    "I recall you telling me you were vanilla Izzy," he says, cocking an eyebrow at me.

    My cheeks blush. ¡°Yeah, I suppose I did¡­ maybe all of this was too much to share.¡±

    Biting the inside of my cheek, I begin to worry that I may not be the kind of person that Will wants to befriend right now. I wouldn¡¯t blame him, this is a lot for anybody, never mind someone that I barely know

    ¡°Isobel?¡±,¡± Will says, forcing me to look up from my hands.

    I wait in anticipation for him to tell me that he¡¯s not interested in getting involved with this chaos right now, or that he needs to focus on the bar or his band or whatever excuse he can come up with to avoid getting sucked into this shit show that is my life.

    As if he can hear what I¡¯m thinking, Will reaches across the table and takes my hand in his.

    ¡°It¡¯s not too much," he says reassuringly. "It''s a lot, and by that I mean that it''s a lot for you. But it''s not like you made any of that stuff happen. Okay, you lied to me, you did do that, but you didn''t make yourself panic, you didn''t assault yourself, you didn¡¯t ask for any of this, and you absolutely did not kill your family."

    I feel a lump form in my throat. It¡¯s so strange having someone be this kind to me.

    "Isobel, I really need you to hear me on this," he says as he leans in closer, pinning me in place those damn eyes of his.

    "There''s nothing you could have ever done that would make you deserve what that guy is doing to you. Nothing. I''m all for karma, but this is not it. You did nothing wrong. And hey, fuck your dad too, he sounds like an asshole."

    His blunt outburst sends me into a fit of giggles.

    "That''s charming," I say, "I bet he''d like you."

    Will has a way with words that cuts straight to the point with no apologies. I think it''s my favourite thing about him. It¡¯s nice to finally have a light moment among all of the heavy. I didn¡¯t realise how much I needed to smile.

    As my nerves start to calm, Will gestures to a guy behind the bar for another round of beers. I guess I''m staying put.

    "So anyway," I say, wanting to move on to better things, "enough about all of this sad stuff and my messy life, how was your show? Sarah said she had a blast."

    "Oh really? That''s great! Yeah it went really well, no hiccups. We had drinks after with some friends, your sister was there actually. Oh, I hope it was alright that I told her I knew you? If I had known everything¡­"

    "Um, yeah, she mentioned that,¡± I admit, ¡°It''s fine. Actually she asked if I¡¯d to come with her on Friday to see you guys."

    "Oh?"

    "I didn''t give her much of an answer, but I think I could use a night off from all of this if I¡¯m honest."

    "You should come," Will says enthusiastically. "I''d love to have you there.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll see, I¡¯ve a lot to sort out before then.¡±

    ¡°Do you have a plan yet?,¡± he asks, ¡°or somewhere to go?"

    "Yes, I do. I have a plan, kind of. I''ll be okay."

    For the first time since I left that apartment, I genuinely feel confident when I say that. I know I don''t have anything lined up yet, but I know that things can¡¯t get any worse. There has to be some luck coming my way right?

    "Is there something I can do to help?," Will asks. "I''m not sure what you might need? Like Annie said, I have a room. You¡¯re more than welcome to it. Or some money if you need it?"

    "No! No really, I''m fine," I insist, embarrassed that he''d even offer. "I have some savings there of my own, it¡¯s all okay. Worst case scenario is that I might need to stay with Sarah for a little bit until I find somewhere, that¡¯s not so bad."

    "Have you told her about any of this?"

    "Nothing. She knows that Jamie messed up my teaching position for me, but she was ready to do jail time for that, so it¡¯s best she doesn''t get involved now. I''ll tell her that he and I broke up when I see her this week but that''s it. She can come help me pack my things if she really wants to do something useful."

    "Do you think he¡¯ll let you take your stuff without any problems?," Will asks.

    "I¡¯m not sure. I have thought about it though, and I might have a idea. I have this app on my phone that¡¯s connected to our alarm system, it shows when it''s turned on or off. We usually set it when we''re both out, so I could use it to make sure that Jamie has left for work and then go and get my things while he''s gone."

    "That doesn''t sound all that safe for you Isobel."

    "Maybe not, but I''ve never really left anyone before so I might just have to go with it."

    "Or I could come with you?," he offers. "Then you wouldn''t have to worry about being alone with him."This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

    I honestly couldn''t think of a situation much worse than that. Imagine what Jamie would do if he had to watch Will help me leave. He''d kill me.

    Ugh, how have we managed to get back to the heavy stuff again?

    "I''m sure it will all work out," I say, brushing off his suggestion. "Do you mind if we stop talking about all of that though? I''m beyond tired of talking about myself."

    "Alright, alright, no more questions about it. Just don''t do anything crazy alright? Like

    I said, I''m happy to help, all you have to do is ask."

    "I will," I say, nodding my head. "I promise. So anyway, where are you living Will?"

    "I''m just over on Berkley Avenue," he says, "do you know it?"

    "Oh sure! It''s really nice there, I had a friend who lived over that way. Do you like it?"

    "Yeah it''s great, it''s really quiet. Exactly what I need."

    "I didn''t take you as the quiet type," I say.

    "Oh yeah?" he asks, tilting his head to the side. "What type did you take me as?"

    I¡¯m suddenly flustered, unsure of what I even meant by that.

    "I don''t know," I say with a shrug, "I figured you''d be throwing parties and playing loud music all night and stuff."

    "Ah, so you thought I was a generic musician."

    "Is that bad?"

    He smiles, picking up his beer and placing it to his lips. "It¡¯s stereotyping."

    Another flush of embarrassment creeps up my neck as Will chuckles away at my expense. Seems like there¡¯s more to him than I thought.

    "Have you lived there long?" I ask, trying to move past my faux pas.

    "About three years," he replies. "I was only eighteen when we sold Dads house, so I lived with Annie for a couple of years first. I bought a place in a neighbourhood not to far from hers. It was alright, my girlfriend Kim moved in awhile after I bought it."

    Girlfriend?

    I try hard to stop a reaction from forming on my face, and keep quiet in the hope that he elaborates further on that point. Thankfully it works.

    "And then a few years after living together, a dog and an engagement, I found her in our bed with her brothers best friend."

    "Holy shit!" I exclaim, totally gobsmacked.

    What a bomb to drop. I can''t understand it? Will seems absolutely perfect!

    "Yeah," he agrees with some laughter, "holy shit.¡±

    Taking another sip of his beer, he looks off to the side, hiding himself from me. I don¡¯t want to push him, or force him to remember things that he doesn¡¯t want to, so I wait and let him decide where he wants that conversation to go.

    Placing his beer back on the table, Will shakes his head and sighs.

    ¡°It seems like a lifetime ago when I think back on it now,¡± he says. ¡°You know, it was crazy at the time because I knew that there was something going on between them. I was so sure of it. I even asked her out straight once and she told me it wasn''t happening and that I was being paranoid. She said that she couldn''t believe I''d accuse her of something like that, I was the one being distant, blah blah blah, all of that stuff. Lo and behold, there they were when I got home one night, completely naked and fast asleep with his arm wrapped around her."

    "Fuck. So what happened then? You moved out of your own house?"

    "No, she moved out. But then I couldn''t really live there after we had been there as a couple, so I sold it and bought the place I have now. It''s weird, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had never caught them. Would she have went ahead with the wedding? Would we have kids by now? Would she still be carrying around that secret? Or would she have left me? I know it''s not really worth thinking about, but I can''t help it, it''s something I''ll always carry with me."

    "Wow. I''m really sorry that happened to you Will."

    He nods thoughtfully, appreciation evident on his face.

    "So what happened to her?," I ask. "Did she and this guy get together?"

    "They did. They''re still around, I see them sometimes. They moved in, got married. They seem happy I guess."

    Its like he''s trying to be the bigger person right now when he really doesn''t need to be.

    "You don''t have to be happy for them you know," I tell him.

    "Oh I''m not," he says with conviction. "I hope he fucks their dog walker."

    I almost spit out my beer with laughter. At least he''s honest, although I can''t believe she took the dog too

    "So," he says, placing his hands on the table, "now that we both know each others drama, I want you to tell me something good in your life. What makes you happiest Isobel?"

    His question catches me off guard, but it really isn¡¯t all that hard to answer.

    "Lots of things make me happy," I tell him. "My niece''s, the two ladies, running, chocolate! But if I really had to pick just one thing, I think music would be my answer. I know that¡¯s such a basic thing to pick but it¡¯s the truth. I feel like music is something that can be helpful to anyone. I can be in any type of mood and find something that lets me sit with my feelings, there''s nothing quite like it. I love it."

    "What type is your favourite?," he asks.

    "I love to teach classical, I like to show how the melodies and principals relate and show up in todays music a lot. It can be kind of cool to see how it¡¯s progressed over time. Overall though I''m a rock & roll girl at heart. It''s hard not to be when you''re from here. I definately have an unhealthy obsession with AC/DC. What about you? What makes you happy Will?"

    "Well you kind of stole my answer with the music stuff," he tuts as he rolls his eyes playfully.

    "But I guess writing does it for me. Working lyrics into something that makes sense, and then having it be perceivable is something I love to do. I do enjoy covering other artists music, but there''s just something special about writing your own songs and having people sing along to it. It feels amazing."

    It brings me so much joy to sit and hear him talk about his writing and singing the way he does. Even with the tough days he has to look back on, Will is a genuinely happy person. It''s beautiful.

    I continue to listen intently as Will tells me about songs he''s written, and how his style has changed over time. He tells me about some lyrics he has that he''s holding onto because he can''t quite get the music right. He cringes as he recalls his first attempt at putting a song together, and then he shines from the inside out when he talks to me about the first song of his own that he performed. He even sang a line of it to explain the melody he used. I need to experience him do this properly.

    "I wish I''d seen you play before, I''m kind of jealous of Sarah right now," I say. "Although to be fair she''s asked me to go see you guys a hundred times."

    "So why didn''t you?"

    "It saved an argument,¡± I say.

    "Oh, of course, sorry..." Will pretends to zip his mouth closed, leaving that conversation where it is like we agreed. ¡°Would you like another drink?," he asks.

    Checking my watch, I find that it''s well past ten now. We''ve been talking here for hours. I''m torn. I should go back to my room and charge my phone. I really need to continue applying for places too. On top of that, I never even called Carol or Michelle.

    In truth I''d love to stay here and talk all night but...

    Reading my internal conflict, Will makes the decision for us.

    "Let''s have one more," he says, "but we''ll have it back in the office so that I can show you something."

    I give him a look that could split a block of ice.

    "In the office?" I ask suspiciously. "What is it you have to show me back there?"

    If that look I gave wasn''t accusing enough, my tone certainly is.

    "You caught me Isobel," he says flatly, "I''m going to take you back there, where anyone can walk by and see us, and I''m going to take advantage of the four whole beers you''ve had. How in the world did you foil such a cunning plan?" Sliding out of his seat, he smiles down at me.

    "C''mon," he says, "I think you''ll like it."

    "Alright fine," I agree.

    With that, Will walks around to the bar himself, taking our two final beers and motioning to the barman that he''s leaving.

    "Okay," he calls to me, "let''s go."

    ??

    The lights inside the office are off this time, Annie must be gone already. I flick them on as Will places our drinks down before disappearing again. He¡¯s back only a moment later, but now he''s holding an acoustic guitar.

    "Would you wanna'' hear something?," he asks.

    "Oh my god yes!" I almost squeal with excitement. "Wait, do you just have that thing lying around here or is this one of your moves?," I ask, narrowing my eyes at him again.

    "Ah yes, because it makes complete sense for me to own a restaurant that plays live music, but to never actually play here myself right?"

    "Touch¨¦."

    "Anyway," he says, "if I was pulling a move on you there would be no mistaking it. I told you before, I don''t dance around these things Izzy. And I''d have locked the door too.¡±

    He gives me that cocky grin of his again and I swear I almost have to cross my legs from the feelings it stirs in me.

    "Now please keep in mind that we have very few acoustic songs so I''m going to have to wing it a little bit here," he says as he sets himself up.

    "No problem, I''m sure whatever you do will be great."

    I pick up my beer and take a seat, listening to Will as he begins to play. He rocks himself in time as his fingers slide over the neck of his guitar. I don''t know if it''s the drinks or him, but I find myself wondering if that''s not all his fingers would be good at.

    Christ, get it together Isobel, think of why you''re here!

    I pull my attention back to Wills music, trying to keep myself focused on the lyrics as he begins to sing. His voice is like a tonic. The words fall off his tongue so effortlessly, like they were only ever to be sung by him. I''m not even sure what the song is about, or why he wrote it, all I care about right now is that he''s singing it to me.

    I''m well aware of the typical clich¨¦ about women adoring musicians, it''s a given. However I''ve been around them all my life, so I was never one to get sucked in by all of that. But as I sit here now and listen to Will transition into the chorus, watching him close his eyes in order to feel the words he sings, all I want to do is reach out and touch him.

    He is captivating. It literally astounds me that I get to be here watching him do the thing he loves most in the world. This right here is a memory that certainly won¡¯t fade quickly.

    As he croons his way through the rest of his song, I drink him in, never wanting this to stop.

    When he does finish, it feels as if someone has taken away my toys. I want more.

    My body is oddly tense as he waits for a reaction from me, and I can feel this strange heat rushing up my chest as I grip onto my beer bottle like it''s the only thing stopping me from walking over there and doing a whole bunch of things I''ll regret.

    "That was... wow. That was amazing Will."

    I swallow, trying to keep myself under control, but as he stares back at me, I¡¯m positive that I¡¯m not the only one feeling this shift between us.

    I watch Wills eyes slowly roam over my body as I sit here with my knees pinned together like they''re holding back a flood. I can tell by the satisfaction on his face that he knows exactly what he''s done to me. I need to get my ass out of here before I do something stupid.

    "So, I gotta get going,¡± I say as I place my drink down and fumble with my hoodie, somehow

    managing to put my arm through the wrong sleeve. I''m a mess right now, and it''s all thanks to him.

    I try to right myself, but my conversation isn''t any better.

    "I''m really looking forward to hopefully seeing you guys on Friday, and meeting the rest of your band. Oh and thank you so much for today. I feel like there''s a huge elephant lifted off of my shoulders. Or?, wait no! I mean a weight off of my elephant. Oh boy¡­"

    I stop talking long enough to get my arm in the right hole and take a steading breath, willing myself to stop being the puddle of a human being I am right now.

    "It¡¯s a huge weight off of my shoulders,¡± I clarify, ¡°That''s what I meant. So thank you."

    Will ignores my babbling and puts his guitar down behind him, sitting it across the office table that he''s perched on. He reaches out and takes the zip either side of my hoodie, pulling me in closer to him. I can feel his breath on my skin as he slots the zipper together at the bottom.

    "It''s getting a little colder out there Isobel, and our cheap promo shirts have done enough talking for you tonight."

    His eyes glance to my chest, so I quickly look down to see what he''s talking about.

    Well I''ll be damned, he¡¯s been able to see right through the flimsy little shirt that Annie gave me all night.

    "Jesus!," I yelp, pulling my hands across my chest to hide my white lace bra as the mortification sets in. "Why didn''t you tell me?¡±

    "How do you think I listened to you talk for so long?," he says with a laugh. I reach out and slap his arm. "I''m kidding!, Here," he insists, "let me do it for you."

    Will pulls me to him once again and takes the zip between his fingers one more time, closing the hoodie right up to my chest. I wonder if he can hear every single part of my body screaming at him to touch me.

    "It''s was fine when only I could see that tiny piece of fabric you call a bra Isobel," he says, "but I don''t like to share."

    My lips part but no words come out. I just seem to be staring at him with my mind blank and a feverin the pit of my stomach that makes my breath quicken.

    His eyes stay buried in mine, but it¡¯s not long before they make their way dawn my front again as Will lets out a soft sigh.

    "Alright,¡± he says, ¡°let''s get you back to your hotel before I decide to be much less of a gentleman."

    "How so?" I ask daringly, refusing to be the only one embarrassed here.

    "Don''t. I only have so much willpower Isobel, and right now it''s running dry."

    I decide not to play with that fire any further, it¡¯s probably for the best. Four little beers wouldn''t make me anywhere near brave enough to continue that conversation anyway. I¡¯d only end up with my fingers burnt.

    ??

    I didn''t expect Will to walk me all the way back to the hotel, but it''s an extra bonus for me to spend a little more time with him when he does.

    When we get there I worry that we''re about to have that awkward exchange of goodbyes where we don''t know if we should hug or not, but Will is unapologetically smooth. He simply leans in, kissing my unblemished cheek goodbye and then he waits for me to get inside the lobby before moving off.

    I feel like a teenager who¡¯s just had their first date. I¡¯d like to say that it has me on cloud nine, but actually it just has me confused. This is rocky ground for me, and I know that I have to be careful. I don''t need anything other than a friend right now and it would be wise to remember that.

    I have to stop flirting with him.

    When I finally get to my room and get my phone plugged into the charger, I sit and wait for it to come to life. Yet again there''s endless messages from Jamie. I read a few, almost feeling sorry for him as I skim them. He sounds like he''s hurting.

    Good.

    Ignoring the onset of feelings swarming my mind, I step into the bathroom to have a quick shower and finally wash off that coffee smell. As soon as I get back out, there''s a new

    message waiting for me from a number I don''t recognise.

    UNKNOWN: Hi Izzy! Hope you don''t mind but I got your number from Will. I had to bomb his phone with messages until he gave it to me! Please let me know if you need anything at all over the next while. I''m around all day Tuesday too if you''d like to get out of the hotel for a bit? Annie x

    Honestly she is far too sweet, it''s hard to believe she''s even real. Shes like a Disney princess or something. I think I¡¯d like to see her again, so I agree to meet after work on Tuesday for dinner. I''m feeling pretty lucky to have met both her and Will right now. Maybe stepping away from Jamie is exactly what I needed to do.

    As I get myself ready for bed, I struggle to get Will out of my thoughts. Why does it feel like we had a moment? All I wanted him to do was to take complete control and do me right there on that damn office desk.

    God, I really shouldn''t be thinking that. Not with the position I¡¯m in right now. In fact, I¡¯m probably just confused about the whole thing. Maybe I¡¯m stupidly taking someone being nice to me to mean something more. I think those few beers went to my head, thats all it is¡­ or is it?

    All I know for sure is that I''m not going to get a wink of sleep with the memory of the way he was looking at me playing on a loop in my mind. It was like he could have devoured me whole.

    I can''t stop thinking of his lips as he sang, wishing that I was able to kiss them. And his hands, I wonder what it would feel like to have them on me?

    Closing my eyes, I soon let my desires take over and longingly slide my fingers down into my panties, imagining they belong to him. That it''s Will who knows exactly where to touch me, finding a rhythm that makes me squirm as I begin to feel a build up so intense that I have to bite my lip to stay quiet.

    I imagine him kissing my neck as his calloused hands bury themselves into my hair, holding it tight as he thrusts himself into me. I can''t hold myself back, and I don''t feel any concern for the neighbouring rooms either side of me as I cry out, increasing the pace of my fingers. Fuck, I could explode right now.

    These dirty thoughts of Will even have me fantasising about things I''ve never done before, like sitting with my knees either side of Wills head as I grind on his tongue, screaming in ecstasy. That''s it. That''s the final push I need. My body convulses and releases, and it''s so mind blowing that I wonder if I''ll ever need my vibrator again! This is easily the best solo experience I''ve ever had.

    I lay there for awhile, trying to catch my breath as I slip back to reality. What a bad situation to find myself in. What the hell am I doing? Hiding from one guy and dreaming about another. What an idiot.

    All of that frustration I felt only minutes ago has now been replaced by a whole new sense of confusing guilt.

    Without a doubt, Will is going to be trouble for me.

 Chapter 13

    After I called Michelle on Monday morning and told her about my fake fall, she gave me the next two days off work. I knew I didn''t need it, but I also didn''t argue because I figured it would be great to have that extra time to sort things out for myself. Having said that, it''s now only Tuesday morning and the boredom has become completely mind numbing.

    I already spent hours applying for more listings yesterday and checked over my emails a bunch of times for updates, but there''s still no replies worth chasing. I''m starting to worry that I might be stuck in Sarah''s for months.

    I¡¯m finding it hard to know what to do with myself today. Time seems to be moving at a snails pace and there¡¯s only so much Netflix I can watch before it all starts to look the same. In my boredom I decide to give the book Will gave me a try, but as helpful as it turns out to be, it doesn¡¯t seem to hold my attention for long.

    I feel like I''m going stir crazy, so in the end I message Annie to tell her that I have the day off work and ask if we can meet for lunch instead of dinner. Luckily for me, she''s both available and hungry.

    It feels really nice to have possibly made a friend that I don''t need to run by Jamie for approval. I''m almost afraid to get in touch with any of my old circle at this point, it''s been a painful amount of time since I last reached out.

    Not long after I speak to Annie, I get a message from Will.

    WILL: I hope you''re not dumping me for my sister? I thought I would have made the better impression on you the other night!

    Annie must have told him about our plans the second we made them.

    IZZY: Oh y''know, just keeping my options open. You never know when you''ll need an Irish connection. Maybe she can explain to me why all shamrocks are clovers, but not all clovers are shamrocks?

    WILL: Please don''t encourage her Isobel! She''s going to start claiming Daniel Day-Lewis as an uncle soon enough!

    IZZY: I was thinking of suggesting that she march in the Parade next year actually...

    WILL: Isobel¡­

    IZZY: Wilbur¡­

    WILL: Oh come on, you know that''s not what Will is short for!

    IZZY: I know, but now I also know how much it irritates you.

    WILL: Enjoy your lunch Isobel x

    IZZY: I''ll be sure to... x

    Okay, so I''m flirting a little. Is that really bad? The second I heard from him I had memories of that gorgeous voice filling my ears and I just couldn''t help myself.

    I guess I am leading him on a bit. I can''t even begin think of getting into anything right now. I''m not even officially ''out'' of things with Jamie¡­ Alright, that''s it. That is absolutely the last time that I''ll flirt with Will. Really.

    ??

    I needed a coffee, badly. So I made my way down to the little stand near the hotel reception as quick as I could, avoiding as many people as possible before bumping into Jennifer on the way back to my room.

    "Hi Miss, how have you been feeling?," she asks.

    She''s so peppy, but still somehow manages to make herself look sympathetic, although I don''t hate it coming from her.

    "I''m doing better, thanks much for asking. Do you ever take a day off?"

    "Actually, I''m going to be off for the next two days so I did hope to catch you at some point today. I wanted to see if you''d be extending your stay past tonight?"

    "Oh that''s so sweet of you to check. Um, honestly it''s looking like I might be. I can''t seem to find anywhere just yet. I plan to stay with my sister for awhile if things don''t change by Friday though."

    I feel awkward telling a total stranger plans that I haven''t even mentioned to my sister yet, but Jennifer isn''t just anybody I suppose.

    "That''s great,¡± she says, ¡°it¡¯s always a good idea to have family around, especially during the tough times. Anyway, I won¡¯t hold you up, come see me at the front desk anytime before four thirty today and I''ll get you booked in okay?"

    She waves me off as I head back to my room to get myself ready for lunch with Annie. I''m actually really excited about it. I don''t know if it¡¯s that I get to escape the restlessness, or the fact that it feels like I''m about to begin my life with all of the freedom that I want, but either way I''m in a good mood.

    I rummage through my clothing options and quickly realise that I have just about nothing to wear. I grabbed one single pair of jeans from the thrift store the other day, so they''ll have to do. I then pull out a black tank top that I stuffed into the gym bag as I was leaving the apartment and try that on. Thankfully I look somewhat put together, and I''m sure Annie isn''t expecting anything fancy considering I''m living out of a duffel bag right now.

    I''m just glad that I brought my make up so I have a something to help me feel like me. I take my time applying it, carefully layering it over my cheek and the cut on my temple to ensure they¡¯re concealed as much as possible.

    I examine myself as I dust on the last bit of powder, impressed with the job I''ve done. If I didn''t point it out, you might not even notice the bruising at all.

    My hair could certainly use a go over with a hair straightener, but who thinks of that when they''re making a run for it before their boyfriend wakes up? Luckily, a loose braid perfectly hides my lack of access to one for the time being.

    As I''m tidying away my things, my phone lights up on the nightstand. It''s Jamie again. Maybe it''s time that I answer and tell him to stop calling. I could tell him it''s over too, and that I''ll collect my stuff soon¡­

    The indecision to answer or not eventually ends when Jamies call does, so I wait a minute or two for the voicemail notification to pop up and then I listen back.

    "Hey Iz. I figured you wouldn''t answer. I understand of course, but I just thought I should let you know that I''m aware you''re staying at The Marrion..."

    My blood runs cold, how did he find out where I am?

    "You should probably stop using the same passwords for everything online you know," he says, letting a soft chuckle run up his throat. I usually love to hear that sound from him, but right now it''s like nails on a chalkboard.

    "I checked your banking statement and saw the hotel details. I got straight into my car to come and see you¡­ but then I realised what the hell I was doing.

    You''re there because you''re running from me, from what I did. So I won''t come Izzy, it''s killing me, but I know I''ve got to prove something to you here. I need to show you that I have some sort of self control. I know what I did was unforgivable, but I''m begging you Izzy..."

    I hear his voice crack as he breaks into a sob. I don''t think I''ve ever heard him like this.

    "This can''t be it for us," he says through tears. "I can''t lose you. I''m so sorry Iz... I''m sorry."

    I listen to him tearfully apologise again before his message ends and I¡¯m forced to sit with it for a while.

    Playing the message a couple more times, I can¡¯t help how sad it makes me feel. I loved him. I think I still love him, so it¡¯s no real shock that I feel this way. I consider calling him back to make sure he''s okay, but I decide to wait. I''ve rushed into a lot of things where Jamie is concerned, this can''t be one of them.

    Now that he knows where I am, I begin to wonder if I should move hotel? Or talk to Jennifer?

    It''s not like Jamie can actually get in here. I haven''t used my own name, and I''ve specified no visitors. He''d have to get by security and staff and check every room just to find me. And then what? He wouldn''t do anything here. He couldn''t possibly dirty up Daddy''s good name by getting caught in a public squabble. No, I''ll be alright here, it''s just a few more days. I''ll change my passwords and stick to the plan. I can''t let him spook me.

    ??

    Shooting down to reception, I book myselfback in until Saturday morning with Jennifer. I feel a little uneasy about it after that phone call, but I don''t bother her with the detail and insist on paying full price this time too, as much as she argues.

    Punching Annies address into my GPS, I get myself going. Jamie''s message continues to plague my mind the whole way there. I know I''ll need to face him soon. I have to tell him that he has nothing to prove to me, because it¡¯s far too late for that. I have to tell him that we''re over.

    ??

    Annie''s neighbourhood is like something you see at the start of a movie. Its all immaculate lawns and cute door wreaths. Her apartment block is only three storeys high, allowing it to mix in well with the neighbouring houses and duplexes. There''s plenty of trees and shrubbery around, and a nice little green area with a playground in it. It looks like a great place to start a family. I wonder if she''s single?

    Ringing up to her apartment, I hear a buzzing sound as she lets me in. Even the communal area inside is pretty. It''s kept pristine, and there¡¯s a little map of directions to the side of the mail boxes. It''s quite similar to our place actually. Jamies place now I guess.This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

    When I get to the second floor, the door to her apartment is already open with Will casually standing in the door way, leaning against the frame. I feel butterflies hit my stomach, is he waiting for me?

    "Hey there," he says with a huge grin when he clocks me, "you look really nice."

    His eyes inspect me as I move toward him, I''m suddenly very self conscious, second guessing just about every choice I made this morning. His smile drops when he gets a closer look at my face, I know he has something to say.

    "What is it?," I ask, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Maybe I didn''t do the great job I thought I did. The lighting at the hotel is pretty dim.

    He tilts his head side to side like he''s unsure how to word it.

    "Its nothing," he says. "I wanted to tell you how pretty you are, but I also don''t want you to think that you have to pack that stuff on for me to think it."

    My heart sinks. I can''t help but feel a little defeated, what was I meant to do? Walk around with it all on display so people could gawk at me?

    "Right, well I''m sorry my boyfriend punched me I guess,¡± I say, ¡°Is Annie ready?"

    Looking passed him, I glance into the apartment, clearly annoyed. What a dumb thing for him to say.

    He drops his head back, realising that his attempt at a compliment has very much missed the mark.

    "No, that''s not at all what I meant," he insists, "I''m sorry. You look great. I should have stopped there."

    "It''s fine. So, Annie?"

    "I''m in here!," she calls from one of the bedrooms. "Come on in, don''t let my brother distract you. He was just on his way out. An hour ago!"

    "I''m going!," Will yells to her before moving aside to let me in. He puts his hand on my arm and stops me as I¡¯m stepping by him.

    "I''m sorry Isobel,¡± he says quietly. ¡°I didn''t mean to be an asshole, it honestly sounded better in my head. You look beautiful, with or without the make up."

    It''s hard to stay mad at him. Even more so when he¡¯s looking at me like that with those friggin¡¯ eyes of his. They¡¯re an unfair advantage.

    I suppose It''s not his fault that I had to put so much of this stuff on in the first place. Or that he''s a bit of an idiot.

    "Okay," I say, letting him off the hook, "let''s forget it. How come you''re here anyway? Making sure Annie doesn''t win me over with her bagpipe talent?"

    Will completely deadpans.

    "You''re thinking of Scotland Izzy."

    "I¡­ Oh." Looks like the Irish jokes have officially ran their course.

    "Why does this keep happening to me with you?"

    Will chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief.

    "I don''t think it''s me thats the problem somehow," he says. "Anyway, I was just here to drop off something I borrowed."

    Annie can obviously hear us because she yells out to us from the bedroom once again.

    "Oh sure Will!," she says. "Conveniently, I''ve been asking you for my blender back for over a month now with no result, but the minute you find out Izzy is coming here you rush it over."

    Now it''s Wills turn to be embarrassed. A tiny smile creeps across my face, I kinda hope that is why he''s here.

    "That''s not true," he mumbles to me, but his sister can still hear him.

    "Yes it is!," she yells.

    "Are your walls made of paper Annie?"

    Will sure is cute when he''s blushing.

    "Say bye to the pretty lady Will," Annie says as she steps out of her bedroom. Thankfully she''s looking as casual as I am.

    Will rolls his eyes, but picks up his keys all the same.

    "I''ll see you Friday Izzy," he says, giving me a quick look again. Those eyes could take my soul with him.

    I watch him as he goes, now oblivious to Annies presence.

    "You know he''s obsessed with you right?," she says.

    "Don''t be silly," I scold her as I join her in the kitchen. "He''s been very kind to me. And we barely knew each other when I ran into him, so he really didn''t have to be."

    "Exactly," she says. "Doesn''t that tell you something?"

    I ignore her point entirely as I glance around her home.

    "Your place is amazing Annie. It''s like something out of a brochure. Is it just you here?"

    Annie seems to have a knack for interiors. She has a beautiful colour scheme going on, with a stunning array of blues, purples and oranges mixed together to give a funky kind of feel to her place. The entire apartment is spotless too, with a vanilla scent that hangs in the air, although I can¡¯t pin point where it¡¯s coming from. There¡¯s a fruit bowl full of lemons sitting on the counter, and I have to squeeze one just to make sure it''s real. Every one of them is blemish free, and they¡¯re all identical in size. Completely perfect. It makes me wonder how long it look her to pick them out at the store.

    "Yep," she says. "It''s just me. I dont have time for a boyfriend if thats what you''re asking. I''m glad you like it though. Let me show you the bedrooms."

    Annie leads me into to her spare bedroom. She has it decorated a little different to her living area. It has that calm beach house kind of vibe, with muted greys and whites tied in with little accents of blue from the accessories she has dotted around. It¡¯s a world away from the industrial real wood and glass d¨¦cor of my own place. Jamie never wanted me to change it after I moved in.

    "What do you think?," she asks, smiling excitedly as she rolls back and forth on the balls of her feet.

    "It''s gorgeous,¡± I tell her, ¡°the whole place is."

    I have a feeling that Annie wanted me to see this room in-particular incase I decided to take her up on her previous offer, but I don''t even bring it up. She really is amazing, as is the room, but we don''t really know each other that well yet, I could drive her crazy for all she knows. Besides, the more I think about it, the more I believe that I''d be better off in my own space for awhile anyway.

    "Should we go?," she asks. "I was thinking pizza? I know it''s lunch but I have a craving."

    Now she''s speaking my language.

    ??

    As we arrive at the pizza parlour, I''m already salivating. I intend to make up for every meal I''ve skipped over these last few days and I waste zero time placing my order, asking for a large margarita while Annie opts for barbecue chicken.

    We sip away at our water while we wait, chatting with ease.

    "So Will mentioned that you guys are thinking of switching up the menu at Benny''s?," I ask

    "Yep. That''s actually why we''re here, I''m on a bit of a fact finding mission. We''re thinking of extending the choices, pizza being one of them."

    "At a bar and grill?"

    "Hmm... that''s what Will said. Did he tell you to say that?"

    "Absolutely not," I say with a laugh. "I mean I see it served in lots of places, it¡¯s just never something I¡¯d think of with Benny¡¯s.¡±

    "Ugh, that¡¯s exactly what he said too! You guys are the only people I''ve mentioned it to and you both think it''s a bad idea."

    "Is it definately the food that''s the issue?"

    "That''s where the dip in profits is, granted the ingredients are costing a little more these days, but even when we allow for that, it''s not adding up." Annie thinks away to herself for a minute before getting an idea. "Maybe we should add a vegan option."

    "Yes, that''s a great addition," I agree. "Oh have you ever considered cocktails? I know you said food was the issue, but maybe that would be helpful? Not that I know much about the markup there."

    "Cocktails? Huh, I never really thought about it. All of our regulars in the evenings are men, unless we have an event on or something."

    "It could be both,¡± I say. ¡°Women love a cocktail hour, or so my sister tells me anyway. You could have a ladies night once a week or something."

    "Is that what your usual night out is?," Annie asks, "Cocktails?"

    "Oh, I wouldn''t use me as much of an example, I don''t go out a lot."

    Annie clicks her tongue as she considers my idea, it''s obvious I''m the wrong person to advise her here.

    "So do you not go out much because you don''t like to or...?"

    I knew Annie was going to want to talk about Jamie at some point, so I take this as her way of working him into the conversation nice and early.

    "No, it''s not that," I tell her. "Jamie and I don''t really have the same interests so it can be hard for us both to enjoy things together."

    "And you never go out separately?"

    "He does. It''s just better when I don''t bother," I say. "Easier."

    "Easier how?"

    I give her a lame shrug of my shoulders, I feel like talking and thinking about Jamie has consumed so much of my time lately that I simply don''t have it in me right now. Today I just want to feel normal.

    The waiter drops off our food with great timing, setting our pizzas down in front of us. I watch the cheese bubble as he hands over some napkins. I am going to demolish this!Annie waits for him to leave us before continuing our chat, but thankfully she got the hint about the Jamie talk.

    "So Will thinks you''re hot shit," she says playfully.

    I almost choke on my first bite. "Annie! You can''t say that!"

    "I can too,¡± she says. That streak of mischief that she has isn''t too dissimilar from her brothers.

    "He''s nice, but we''re just friends," I insist. "I''m not looking to move from one thing into another, he knows that. Not that I think he wants anything."

    "Izzy, my brother does not have female friends... not any he hasn''t seen the inside of anyway.¡±

    I cringe at her description.

    "Ew. You make him sound like a playboy," I say, attempting to come across unbothered, but I do feel a sting of jealously run through me.

    "No, he''s not. He just doesn''t really do girlfriends. Not since Kim anyway. You know about her right?"

    I nod my head.

    "Well ever since all of that, it''s like he flipped a switch in his brain. He meets women, he sleeps with them and then they evaporate, never to be seen again. Wow, now that I say it, I guess that is kind of a cut and dry playboy description huh?"

    "Hum... I guess I should have realised," I say quietly, thinking back on the day I met him and how he mentioned that I''d be ''screaming his name''.

    "Why do you say that?," Annie quizzes.

    "Just something he said to me once," I tell her, "it''s better that I don''t repeat it. As his sister I''m doing you a favour, trust me."

    "Ugh, that guy," she says, shaking her head. "Honestly I could punch him sometimes. But hey, look at you now, a real life female friend of Will McDermott, maybe you''ve changed him."

    Annie quirks an eyebrow my direction as she takes a bite of her pizza.

    "Maybe," I shrug.

    Or maybe this is some kind of ploy from him to turn me one of those evaporating women that she mentioned. I suddenly realise that I really don''t know Will at all. That it''s possible I''ve created a fantasy of who he is in my head just like I did with Jamie.

    "Well, friend or not," she says, "you have him under your spell. Did you see him today? I''ve never known him to blush like that! You''ve done something to him, I can tell."

    "You¡¯re relentless Annie you know that?,¡± I say through laughter.

    "Okay," she says, placing her hands on the table, "I¡¯ll stop, but just humour me here. Hypothetically, if there was no awful break up, no boyfriend, no emotional stunting from his bitch ex-girlfriend. Would he still be just a friend then?"

    I hold her gaze as both of us smile at her suggestion.

    "Yeah, that''s what I thought," she says, grinning so wide I can see her back teeth. She better keep that truth to herself.

    ??

    Annie and I come to find that we have a surprising amount in common considering how vastly different we are, and there''s little to no awkward silences between us either. It¡¯s as if I¡¯ve known her for years. I really feel like I''ve met someone that gets me.

    I wipe my face after I finish my food and notice Annie staring down at her empty plate.

    "I think, you''re right," she says with a sigh. "Pizza isn''t right for Benny''s. It would have to be better than this, and we don''t have the kitchen space for better than this."

    "Don''t worry, you''ll find what you need," I say in attempt to encourage her. "And I will happily eat everything you want to sample along the way."

    She nods along with me enthusiastically. "You better get some sweat pants then, because I have big plans!"

    As I finish my water, my phone dings on the table with a message from Carol. She''s checking in to ask if I''ve seen some of the order paperwork from May through June. Crap, I brought it home with me last week so that I could start a spreadsheet or system of some sort for us to begin to record it all on. The set up we currently have is archaic. There''s literally a whole wall of filing cabinets in the office, each one filled to the brim with years worth of orders.

    The paperwork is still back in the apartment, I never thought to take it with me. How will I explain not being able to bring it with me tomorrow? Carol must need it too because it''s not like her to message me on a day off, especially a sick day.

    I mull it over, wondering if I should go and get it while Jamie is at work. It''s a bit risky, but I can check to make sure he''s gone first, I''d only be a few minutes¡­

    Voicing my dilemma to Annie, I expect her to tell me I¡¯m crazy, but actually she thinks that there¡¯s no reason at all why I should have to abandon all of my belongings because of Jamie.

    "It''s your home too Izzy," she says, "you should be able to get whatever you need whenever you want. It''s not like you did anything wrong."

    I know she''s right. I shouldn''t have to live out of a bag when Jamie is the one who messed it all up, but still, what if he comes back while I''m in there?

    Annie can sense how unsure I am and kindly offers to come with me. Well actually she insists on it. A companion to keep watch is exactly what I need, but I do worry about how awkward it would be for her if we did run into Jamie. I¡¯m sure he wouldn¡¯t try to do anything stupid in front of her, that¡¯s not his style.

    Before I have time to really consider what I''m doing or change my mind, I decide to do it. I¡¯ll grab the paperwork for Carol and a couple more items of clothing for myself too. Annie is right, I should be able to get what I need.

    With my mind make up, we quickly pay the bill and leave. My nerves are shot as we jump into Annie''s car, but I tell myself that this is going to be easy. I just need to get in, get my stuand get out. Ten minutes, thats it.

    Everything will be fine.

 Chapter 14

    Annie and I step out of the elevator together. My heart is racing so fast that I can feel my pulse all the way to the tips of my fingers.

    "My brother will kill me when he finds out I let you do this," she whispers, her voice still managing to carry throughout the corridor.

    "He''ll kill me when he finds out that I brought you along," I counter, keeping my eyes trained in front of me.

    Nausea builds in my stomach as we stop outside the apartment door. We¡¯re here now though, might as well keep going. Twisting my key in the lock, I push the door open and quickly punch in the alarm code. ¡°System disarmed,¡± the little robotic voice states. It¡¯s sets off a timer in my head and I remind Annie that Jamie is only a thirty minute drive away, so we need to be quick incase he spots that alarm notification.

    "Not a problem," she says as she explores her new surroundings. "Wow, nice place, it''s huge!"

    "You think?," I ask, "It''s very boyish right?"

    "Modern," she says. "Isn''t that what they say about men''s decor?"

    Who knows? Not me anyway. All I know is that I wasn''t allowed to touch it.

    I move toward to the bedroom with Annie following me close behind. My attention is drawn to the bed as soon as I walk in. It''s not even made. I hate how untidy it looks.

    As I fish out the paperwork that Carol needs from the bottom drawer of my bedside locker, Annie holds back her laughter as she picks up on my gripe with the sheets.

    "You want to make that bed don''t you?," she asks.

    "Oh god Annie, I really do. Is that weird? I always make sure it¡¯s done before I leave, I like it to be neat!"

    "You go nuts there babe, maybe he''ll think it''s some kind of psychological game you''re playing."

    "Yeah, or maybe he''ll just think that he has me really well trained."

    I decide to leave it alone.

    I need a bag for all of the paperwork, so I grab a satchel from my wardrobe and tuck the pile of papers safely in there. Throwing my eye over my clothes, I go ahead and start pulling out some bits and pieces that I want to take with me.

    "You need me to do anything?," Annie asks from the en-suite. She¡¯s in there taking a sniff from one of my perfume bottles. I¡¯m glad she¡¯s decided to make herself at home.

    "Yes please. Can you get a black sack from the kitchen? My suitcase is tiny so I¡¯ll need to throw a few things into one. They''re in the press under the sink.¡±

    ¡°Sure thing,¡± she says.

    As Annie rushes off to the kitchen, I pull out some outfits for the next couple of days. My mind thinks ahead to Wills show on Friday. What am I going to wear to that?

    Separating some hangers, I spot a cute olive green top that I haven''t worn in awhile. I take it out, hoping it still looks as good on as I remember. My favourite black jeans are hanging in the same spot as always, and there¡¯s no doubt that they¡¯re coming with me. Selecting a few more options, I add them to a small pile on the bed. I begin to wonder if Annie is having trouble finding the bags until I hear her call me from down the hall.

    "Hey Izzy,¡± she says, ¡°if you thought the bed was annoying, you should see the kitchen. It''s a mess!"

    "Really? That doesn''t sound like Jamie,"

    I follow the sound of her voice down the hallway and through the living room. Everything looks okay in here, but then I reach the kitchen.

    You¡¯ve got to be kidding me! Mess is an understatement.

    Dishes sit piled high in the sink while boxes of cereal and pasta are strewn across the counter. There¡¯s discarded food wrappers and cutlery literally everywhere. If I had left this mess for him, instead of the few dishes I did leave, I''d probably be in a coma right now.

    I explain the irony of it all to Annie as we go back into the bedroom to pack my things. Her face twists into a grimace at some of the details.

    "Oh Izzy,¡± she says, ¡°that''s awful.¡± Dropping the sack that she¡¯s half packed onto the floor, Annie steps her way over it and wraps her arms around me. "I''ve wanted to do this all day," she whispers.

    Loosening her hold, she leans back to look at me. "Are you sure you won''t consider-"

    Her face suddenly pales as she goes silent.

    "Consider what?," I ask, baffled by her sudden grip on my hand. Is she having an aneurism or something?

    "Shhh!," she says, "did you hear that?"

    I pause, listening for whatever Annie can hear¡­ and then it comes.

    The scraping sound of a key entering the barrel is almost amplified as Annie and I lock eyes.

    How did he get here so fast? There''s no conceivable way. Terror grips my chest as Annie takes a hold of my arms. What do we do? Why would I be stupid enough to come here?

    "It''s okay Izzy," Annie says with a hushed tone, "look at me, it''s okay. It''s just a coincidence. We can leave. He won''t hurt you."

    I nod my head at her words, but I¡¯m not fully convinced that either of us have a reason to actually believe them.

    Annie grips my arms tighter, forcing me look at her. ¡°I promise,¡± she says, ¡°I wont let him touch you Izzy."I like her bravado, but the tremor I can feel in her hand gives her away.

    I hold my breath as the front door pushes open and we hear Jamie step inside. His footsteps soon grow quiet. I imagine he¡¯s standing in-front of the alarm panel, wondering why it¡¯s not beeping at him to enter our disarm code like it usually does. I can just about sense his confusion.

    Rather than waiting for him to find us here, I decide that it¡¯s best to make ourselves known. That way he can¡¯t claim that he thought there was an intruder here if things go south. Annie pulls on my hand as I slowly step towards the door of the bedroom.

    ¡°I¡¯m right behind you,¡± she whispers.

    Trying to keep my cool, I walk down the hallway towards him.

    "Hello?¡± Jamies voice echos throughout the apartment with an air of worry. He really didn¡¯t know I was here.

    "It''s me," I reply as I reach the corner near the doorway and enter his sight.

    "Izzy..."

    He breaths a sigh of relief and moves towards me, but Annie isn¡¯t about to take that risk.

    "Don''t come closer!," she warns as she steps between us. "We''re leaving. She just wanted some of her things."

    "Who are you?," Jamie asks her.

    "She''s a friend," I tell him. I dont want him to know a thing about my plans or who they may be with, he already knows too much. "I had to get some clothes Jamie, that was all."

    I take a second to look him over. He''s standing there in-front of me in one of his favourite suits, but he looks completely dishevelled. His shirt is crinkled, his tie has come loose, and that stubble must be at least two days old. He''s looks dreadful.

    Jamie places the fast food bag that he¡¯s holding onto the console table before taking a small step back.

    "Sure, that¡¯s fine," he says, "I''m not going to stop you Izzy. But, before you go, do you think we could talk for a minute?"

    "No," Annie says definitively.

    I see a flash of annoyance briefly cross Jamies face before it disappears just as quick.

    "I''m really just here to get my things Jamie,¡± I say as my eyes wash over him again. I barely recognise the person he is right now. He looks Ill.

    ¡°Okay, I understand Iz. I won¡¯t get in your way.¡±

    Jamie steps back toward the door, willing to let us go. I watch him the whole time, unable to stop myself from asking a question I shouldn''t even care about.

    ¡°Are you alright Jamie?¡±

    Before he can answer, Annie leans in to me.

    "I''m going to get your things from the bedroom so we can go alright? I''ll be one minute," she says. She turns her head and takes a quick look at Jamie before she steps away and moves back down the hall towards the bedroom.

    There''s an awkward chill between Jamie and I that I oddly feel the need to fill.

    "That''s my friend Annie. She came to help me," I tell him. "I didn''t think you''d be here."

    I''m almost apologetic about my intrusion, why am I always like this around him.

    "I left work early," he admits, "I couldn''t concentrate."

    Jamies voice is weighted, sounding as depressive as he looks, but there''s no pleasure in it for me, I don''t like to see him this way.

    "Izzy, do you think you can you give me a few minutes? I need to explain."

    "I don''t really care what you need Jamie," I say defiantly, not wanting to give an inch.

    His eyes glisten as he swallows my words. He''s not familiar with this side of me. Normally I''m ready and waiting for any and all of his excuses, but not this time.

    "Iz," he whispers, looking wounded, "I''m begging you. Just ten minutes, after that you can leave and never see me again if that''s what you want."

    ¡°Why? So you can lie to me about what you did?¡±

    ¡°No. I want to explain everything. There¡¯s things you don¡¯t know, stuff that¡¯s been going on for awhile that I couldn¡¯t tell you. I¡¯m begging you Izzy, please just hear me out.¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

    I find myself contemplating it. I certainly have enough questions of my own that could easily fill those ten minutes. More than that, I think this is the time for me to tell Jamie that we''re finished. No break, no time apart. We''re done.

    "Fine," I say, "ten minutes, and then I''ll never see you again."

    Without waiting for a reaction from him, I head back to the bedroom to ask Annie if she minds waiting for me in her car. Needless to say, she''s not happy at all.

    "That''s an awful idea Izzy, what if he hurts you?"

    "He wouldn''t be that stupid Annie, not with you waiting downstairs for me. I need to get this over with. I have to tell him that it''s really over this time and then I''m out of here."

    "You don''t owe him that time Izzy."

    "I know I don''t. But I do owe myself something. I have a lot of questions that I need answered too. He''s not the only one hurting and he needs to see that."

    "I''m sure he can already see it," she says.

    "Please Annie? If I''m not down soon, or if you don''t hear from me, you can come straight back up."

    "I think you''re crazy, but okay. Ten minutes and no more, I¡¯ll be counting."

    "Sure," I agree, "and thank you".

    Annie pushes past Jamie at the front door with my bags in hand. She stares him down, unwilling to let him think for even a second that she¡¯s intimidated by him.

    "Ten minutes," she says, looking at Jamie, "and you keep your hands to yourself."

    Jamie is taken aback by Annies hostility, so he pointlessly try''s to turn on his charm.

    "Thank you, Annie was it? I assure you though, there''s nothing to worry about," he says. "I can promise, nothing like that is ever going to happen again."

    Jamie eyeballs me as he says that last part, but I''ve heard it before.

    Annie chooses to ignore him entirely, addressing me instead.

    "You call me if you need me Izzy."

    "I will, thanks so much Annie, I¡¯ll be down in a bit."

    As she steps out, Jamie closes the door behind her, turning his attention to me.

    "She seems nice," he says, forcing a smile. I know him better than that though. He hates women like Annie. He calls them brash.

    "She is," I agree, "she''s great actually."

    He studies the space between us, unhappy with how close to the door we are.

    "Can we sit down?"

    Leading the way to the living room, I make sure to sit in the armchair so he can''t place himself beside me. He''s already calculated that move though, and sits down on the edge of the coffee table right in front of me. He always finds a way to make things work for him, even something as simple as this.

    "I can''t tell you how much I hate myself for what I did Iz."

    "I can''t tell you how much I hate you either," I deliver coldly.

    Jamie stares down at the floor, gently nodding his head. "I deserve that,¡± he says. ¡°I deserve a lot worse from you actually. I wish more than anything that I could take it back. I don''t know what came over me."

    "I''ll tell you what came over you shall I?," I ask, "Cocaine. I don''t know how I couldn''t tell that you were high that night Jamie. I mean what were you even thinking? Drugs? Prostitutes?¡±

    A lump forms in my throat as I recall everything his father said, and it takes everything I have not to walk out of here this very second. ¡°How many times have you slept with someone else Jamie? Should I be getting tested?

    "No!," he insists, "Not at all, Iz I wasn''t with anyone!"

    "Oh please! Your dad said-"

    "What my dad said is bullshit Izzy. I''d never do that."

    "No, you''d just supply the opportunity for your whole team apparently. Do you think I''m that stupid?"

    "I was not with any of those women Izzy. I¡¯ve never been with anyone else, why would I need to be?"

    ¡°Never?¡± I ask, my tone reminding him that we both know that¡¯s a lie.

    ¡°You know what I mean,¡± he says, ¡°I promised you it would never happen again and it hasn¡¯t.¡±

    This is pointless, we''re going to remain in this ridiculous back and forth all night because Jamie won''t admit to what he did and I can''t prove it. It¡¯s not what I agreed to this talk for. I have things I need to know.

    "What happened to the girl that night?," I ask.

    "What girl?"

    "The one who went to the hospital Jamie. Did you do something to her?"

    "What? Is that honestly what you think of me? That I just walk around hurting women?"

    He even has the audacity to look offended.

    "Well I have to assume that if you can do it to me, that you could do it to anyone. I can''t possibly be that special Jamie."

    He sighs, clearly hurt, but I doubt he feels even half as bad as I do.

    "One of the guys was with her in the bathroom," he says. "She was new to it all and took too much stuff. That''s what happened. We tried to bring her around, but she was too far gone and so we had to call her an ambulance. She was fine the next day, she walked out of the hospital with a spring in her step and a healthy sum in her pocket too, it won''t be her last rodeo."

    I don''t understand how he can be so uncaring, that girl could have died.

    "Did your dad pay her off?," I ask.

    "Yes. And before you say it, I know how that looks. Actually I know how it is. Izzy, that night was the stupidest thing I''ve ever done. All of it, especially what happened after I got home."

    I think about some of the things he said to me that night. How vicious he was. But as I sit here looking at him now, I don''t see that person at all. He seems lost.

    "What you did changed things Jamie," I say.

    "I get that. I do... Izzy I don''t even know how it got so out of hand. What I did was unforgivable, I can''t sleep from thinking about it."

    "Wow. I''m sorry you''re having such a hard time with that," I say flatly, crossing my arms over my chest. How could he possibly think that I want to hear about the hard time that he''s having?

    "No that''s not what I meant," he says. "It¡¯s you that I can¡¯t stop thinking about. I keep seeing your face¡­ how afraid of me you were¡­ I can¡¯t stand that I did that to you.¡±

    "In that moment or in general?,¡± I ask.

    ¡°What?¡±

    I stare back at him, allowing my silence to hold the room. Jamie narrows his eyes, his confusion turning to realisation as the seconds pass.

    ¡°You¡¯re afraid of me.¡± A statement. One I¡¯m surprised he isn¡¯t already aware of.

    ¡°No,¡± I reply, ¡°I¡¯m petrified of you Jamie. Every hour of every day I live on edge, worried that I might set you off. I¡¯m always considering my safest option. I have to analyse everything I do, and every word I say to you, making sure I choose whatever is least likely to get me hurt. You are not the safest option. I can¡¯t choose you this time.¡±

    ¡°You can Iz. You can trust me, I swear this time will be different!¡±

    ¡°How? How will it be different Jamie? You won¡¯t change.¡±

    "It''s different because I see it now, I really do. I can''t keep hurting you. I hate that I ever did.

    I even told my dad to shove the idea of me taking over the company, I won''t do it. You¡¯re what matters to me."

    "What did the company have to do with any of this?¡±

    Jamie drops his gaze to the floor.

    "I need to tell you the whole truth Izzy,¡± he says. ¡°I haven¡¯t been honest with you. The thing is, my dad has been putting me under an insane amount of pressure this last while. He¡¯s where the whole marriage idea came from in the first place. He wants us to settle down and have some kids, all in the name of the company. He''s been hounding me about it for months."

    Jamies father is the only person in the world who can make him feel as though he¡¯s unimportant. There¡¯s countless times where he¡¯s agreed to projects he doesn''t quite approve of, or to plans he doesn¡¯t think will work just to keep his father happy. He follows his every word, but I thought that control only applied to their working relationship. I never for a second thought that Jamie would let Tom make decisions in our life.

    "He wants me to take over soon,¡± he continues, ¡°and there''s a certain image that comes with that. It''s all about what the investors want to see, the type of person they envision running things. They want the image my dad has created. The family man. It all just got too much, and then when you told me that you never wanted to get married, I freaked out. I didn¡¯t know how I was going to tell him.¡±

    Jamie drops his head into his hands as his shoulders begin to shake under the weight of his sobs.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know why I let this happen Iz. I think I got sucked into the idea of having it all. Somewheredown the line, I forgot that it should be about what we want."

    "Why didn''t you tell me Jamie?,¡± I ask him. ¡°I could have helped, you''re supposed to tell me things, that''s the point of a partner."

    I suddenly feel so conflicted. Obviously Jamie holds his share of the blame, but why would Tom do that? Why wouldn¡¯t his son¡¯s happiness be the most important thing?

    "We never really talked about getting married before Iz," he says with a shrug. "I didn''t want the first time we discussed it to be because my dad wanted us to do it."

    "But what did you want Jamie?"

    He sits quietly as he thoughtfully ponders that question.

    "I guess I hadn''t given it much thought Iz,¡± he finally says. ¡°I figured we were happy just being us. I mean, I always assumed that getting married was something we''d do eventually, but if none of this had happened and you had told me that you didn''t want it, I would have been okay with that.¡±

    As he looks up at me with tears in his eyes, I begin to wonder what our life would have been like if he were always this person. If he had just told me the truth from the start, maybe this whole thing could have been avoided. But I fear it''s too late now.

    "I''ll never be able to apologise enough for what I¡¯ve done to you Izzy," he says. "Especially the other night. I know I embarrassed you."

    My eyes widen with shock. "Embarrassed me?," I ask him. "Jamie you humiliated me! I''ve never felt so small in my whole life. What you did was disgusting, you betrayed our whole relationship."

    Jamie slides himself off the coffee table, hunkering down in front of me and taking my hands.

    "I''ll get help," he says.

    "No."

    "I''ll see a therapist, I''ll do what ever you need me to do. I promise Izzy, it won''t ever happen again."

    "I know it wont, because I won''t be here for it to happen."

    I get up from the chair to leave, but Jamie grasps at my hands, sinking to his knees.

    "No no no, Izzy please, I''m begging you here look at me, please. When have you ever known me to beg? I''m here and that''s exactly what I''m doing, I''m begging you. You are the love of my life and I couldn''t live with myself if I fucked it all up that much. I know I don''t deserve the chance to prove it and I should have done something the very first time it happened, but I can fix it. I can fix myself. You just have to let me try Izzy. Please?"

    Staring down at him as he pleads with me, I realise that what he''s saying should sound pathetic. It should, but it doesn''t. I love him. I hate it, but I do love him. I never thought for a second that I could possibly understand any of his reasons or sympathise with him, and yet somehow I find myself doing just that.

    Insane thoughts swirl through my mind about what it might be like if I were to come back. Could it really be different?

    "Please don''t leave me Izzy," he begs.

    For a split second I think of Will, I''m not even sure why, I''ve only known him for a matter of days. I solemnly recall what Annie said earlier about him sleeping around, and remind myself that I really don''t know anything about who he is as a person. He shouldn''t be any kind of factor in this. I should be thinking about myself and what I want.

    "I can''t Jamie," I say as I try to pull my hands away. "I can''t do this anymore."

    My voice breaks as tears I didn''t even know I had left begin to sting my eyes.

    Jamie stands, wiping at my face as he cups my cheeks in his hands.

    "Don''t cry Iz, please. I know this is all kinds of messed up, it''s not what you signed up for and I owe you a world of happiness for what I''ve done, but please, please let me try make it all up to you. I know you can''t forget any of it, but I can change, I can make what we have into something you''ll be proud of. I know I can."

    Watching Jamies eyes pool over, I question if this might finally be his wake up call.

    I imagine myself back here. I imagine him sticking to his promises and never laying a finger on me again. I imagine us finally being happy. I want that life with him.

    If I do this, if I give him one last chance, could it be special? If he truly works on himself and stops trying to please his dad so much, could we possibly have everything we ever wanted?

    Against my better judgement, I think that I¡¯d like to take that chance for us. But it needs to be on my terms this time. No surprises.

    I lean back from Jamie''s touch, wanting to be sure I''m really heard when I say what I''m about to say to him.

    "You have to do some anger management."

    "Done,¡± he immediately reply¡¯s without a second thought.

    "I want you to stop putting your dads opinion first, stop hiding things from me."

    "I''ve told him I don''t want the company, it''s over."

    He moves closer to me, the hope in his voice rising.

    "You can never do drugs again Jamie,¡± I warn him. ¡°I''m serious, never. It''s a deal breaker."

    "That was the only time Iz, I swear. I don¡¯t ever want to be like that again. I¡¯m sick to my stomach just thinking about how it made me behave."

    "I want my own life back," I continue, "I want to choose the friends I have and the things I do myself."

    "Your friends?," he asks furrowing his brows at me. This could be the one he struggles with.

    "Jamie, I stopped doing all of the things that I love just to please you," I say. "I don¡¯t want to have to do that anymore, I don''t want to be questioned or hounded every time I leave the house, or wonder what version of you I''m coming home to. I need to be able to see my sister and not require your permission to do it. I want to be able to go out with friends. I want a normal life.¡±

    "I... Izzy I never realised that I restricted your life that much... I¡¯m so sorry."

    Does he get it now? Does he finally understand what I''ve had to give up for him?

    "Okay, sure," he agrees, nodding his head. "I want you to have all the friends you want. You sister, that girl Annie, whoever. You can do whatever you want Izzy, you won''t have to be afraid to tell me anything."

    I eye him cautiously. He sounds genuine, but can I trust him?

    With no way to know unless I try, I go ahead deliver my last condition, wondering if it''s one he can keep.

    "Finally,¡± I say, ¡°I need you to understand that this is the last time we will ever have this conversation. If you even so much as look at me with aggression, I''m gone."

    Running his hands up my arms, Jamie¡¯s looks me right in the eye. "I promise Iz," he says, "I will never ever touch you like that again. I''ll look for help right this second if it keeps you with me."

    Letting his words sit with me, I anguish over my decision, hoping that it¡¯s the right one. I wish loving him came with a switch that I could turn off, but love doesn¡¯t work like that. You feel it, even when you don¡¯t want to.

    "Alright," I tell him, "if you can do all of that, I''ll come home."

    Jamie''s eyes light up as he attempts to pull me into a hug, but I put my hands out and stop him.

    "I''ll come home Jamie, but I''ll be sleeping in the spare room until I see some meaningful change. I can''t make myself share a bed with you right now."

    He pauses, seeming a little surprised, but then he agrees.

    "That''s fair, I can¡¯t ask you for anything more Iz. I''ll take the spare room though, you shouldn¡¯t have to. I¡¯m going to prove that I can be a better man for you, no matter the cost.¡±

    God, I really hope he means that.

    With my plan of simply taking some clothes and leaving now turned on its head, I soon remember that Annie is downstairs waiting. I''m sure my ten minutes have passed by now, and I''m half afraid that she¡¯ll be getting a baseball bat ready to come and meet Jamies skull if I don¡¯t go fill her in.

    ¡°I better go let Annie know that my plans have changed before she flips out down there,¡± I say, picking up my keys. ¡°I''m going to need to go and get my car from her place, and then I¡¯ll need to go check out of the hotel."

    "I''ll take you," Jamie offers, but I feel I''ll need this time to explain myself to Annie.

    "No it''s fine, I still have to settle the bill and pack my stuff, I can do it myself. I won¡¯t be long, then when I get back we can talk some more."

    "Alright, if that''s what you''d prefer,¡± he says.

    I offer up a tight lipped smile as some form of reassurance. He¡¯s probably afraid that I¡¯ll change my mind once I¡¯m alone. I won¡¯t pretend that I¡¯m not thinking the same thing.

    Jamie reaches out, taking my hand again before I leave.

    "I can''t believe I nearly lost you Izzy," he says, "I''m so sorry. I love you so much."

    It feels strange to try and say those words back to him, so I choose to be honest instead.

    "I can''t say that back to you right now," I tell him, "not because I don''t feel it, but because I need some time. Can you understand that?"

    There¡¯s no avoiding the hurt in his eyes, but he gets it all the same. I won¡¯t hide my feelings in favour of his anymore. I want this to be everything I think it can be, so I need to move at my own pace. Going forward, I have to be completely honest with him, otherwise we''ll end out right back where we started.

    Leaving the apartment I intended on just visiting today, I make my way to the carpark to talk to Annie. I''ve known her and her brother less than a week and yet somehow I feel like I''ve been a gigantic hurricane in their lives.

    I wouldn''t blame them a single bit if they wanted to have nothing to do with me after all of this.

 Chapter 15

    Annie is as pissed as I imagined when I break the news.

    "You have got to be kidding me Izzy?," she says. "Ten minutes? It only took him ten minutes to talk you around?"

    "It''s really not like that Annie," I say defensively, "I''m not rushing back to him pretending it didn''t happen."

    "No it''s worse! You''re going back to him thinking it will change. Are you really that naive?"

    I don''t have a clue what to say to that. Maybe she''s right, maybe I am naive. But isn''t it possible that she could be wrong too?

    "Well don''t just stand there like a child Izzy," she snaps as I stare at the ground between us, "You''re making me feel like a bitch.¡±

    Annie¡¯s eyes bore into me with all the intensity of a disappointed mother before she lets out a sigh and shakes her head. ¡°I¡¯m not trying to be harsh Izzy, I just don''t want you to get hurt again. You walked into my bar like a wounded animal, I don''t ever want to see you have to do that again."

    "I know Annie,¡± I say quietly, ¡°I''m sorry. Look, I completely understand how much drama this has been for you and Will. My life really isn''t normally like this, but if you don''t wan-"

    "Don''t even suggest that I''d prefer us not to be friends Izzy," she says. "You''ll be playing right into his hands if you do. You drop me and Will and then what? You''re right back where you started? No way. I don''t have much time for friends but I like you. You''re a fool right now, but I like you."

    "Thanks... I think."

    "I know you don''t know me all that well yet," she says, "but I''m not willing to leave anyone vulnerable and that includes you. When that mess comes crashing down around you again, and it WILL come crashing down Izzy, I want you to know that I''ll be there, ready to help. It¡¯s important that you know there''s somebody there for you this time."

    I''m so thrown by her response that my head could spin. I expected Annie to never want to see me again after all of this. In fact I was so prepared for it that I''m not even sure what to say to her right now, she really is something special.

    She gives me the courtesy of letting me explain myself,but her opinion doesn¡¯t change.

    "I don''t blame you for wanting to make it work Izzy," she says, "I just don''t see it happening, not from the little bit you''ve shared with me. But hey, prove me wrong. What do I know anyway right?"

    "I really do love him Annie," I tell her. "I think we could be happy."

    "That''s the thing Izzy. You shouldn''t have to think you can be happy with someone, it should just be something you are."

    I appreciate her concern, but I can''t stand the idea that I''ve wasted these last few years with someone that''s unredeemable. There¡¯s a lot of good inside of Jamie, I believe that he can change. I''ve lost both my career and friends in the mess we let happen, but if Jamie and I can make it, if we can really try, then it might just be worth the cost of everything else.

    The drive back to Annie''s apartment is uncomfortable to say the least. As she pulls up to a stop light, she finally mentions the person we''ve both been thinking about.

    "Do you want to tell Will yourself or should I?," she asks.

    I give her a look that loosely translates to ''dear god don''t make me tell him'', and she understands immediately.

    "Yeah, that''s probably best," she agrees. "He''s not going to take it well."

    I don''t ask her to elaborate on that, we both know why.

    Annie try''s to talk me out of my decision one more time before we reach her place, but when I dont give in, she makes me promise to call her over the next few days so she knows things are okay.

    I have every intension of keeping Annie in my life, her little speech about playing into Jamies hands cemented that. I like her, she''s a good person and I need someone like that on my side. I don''t care how uncomfortable it might make Jamie that she knows his little secret either. With any luck, it may even keep him in check.

    ??

    Sinking into the feather-filled comforter back at my hotel room, I take a few minutes to lay there and think about the decision I''ve made. Is it a good one? Did Jamie really hear what I said? Will he change for us? These are all questions that I won''t have the answer to unless I let him show me.

    If I were a stronger person, I''d be able to ignore all of the parts of Jamie that have sunken their claws into my heart. If I could stop loving those parts of him, then I wouldn''t accept the rest, and I would have been able to leave.

    I remind myself of all the good he has to offer. The way he strokes my hair in the evenings when I lay my head on his lap to watch TV.The way he holds doors for me, no matter how far behind him I lag. The way he has a specific laugh for when I say something silly that makes no sense.

    There are a million little things to love about him. And they all rise to the surface like tiny little air bubbles every time I consider walking away. It''s impossible for me not to love those parts of him. That¡¯s why I want this to work.

    Checking out of the hotel, I¡¯m only too happy to find that Jennifer isn''t around. I don''t think I could handle the shame of explaining myself to her on top of everything else.

    The lady on reception mentions that I can''t be reimbursed for the few extra nights that I''ve already paid for, even if I''m not staying. It''s understandable, but still a blow to my savings account none the less. I don''t kick up any fuss about it, Jennifer did me a gigantic favour when I got here and I''m grateful for that much alone.

    While waiting on my receipt to print, the lady notices something strange.

    "Oh hold on a second m''am," she says, "it looks like your card was refunded, let me check that out for you, one moment."

    She wanders off to another computer screen to look into it. I''m slightly baffled considering that I''ve only told them now that I''m leaving, but I let her do what she needs.

    "Ah yes, here we are," she says, offering a wide smile. "We had a call a little earlier today that covered your whole bill, they asked us to issue a refund directly to your card and said they wanted to gift you your stay. Isn''t that sweet!"

    "Who wanted to gift it?," I ask.

    "I don''t have the first name, sorry, but it''s a Mr.J Reynolds. Does that ring a bell?"

    Jamie.

    Im floored. The room was under my moms name though, how did he know that?

    "How long ago was this?" I query in a daze.

    "It was only in the last hour judging by the time stamp on the receipt. My colleague Stephen processed it, he must have taken the call. He''s on his lunch right now though. Is everything okay? I can have him call you?"

    "No, that''s alright. Do you need my card or anything?"

    "No m''am," she says, "you''re all set, thanks for staying with us, we hope to see you again."

    I thank her and head out to my car, both parts confused and shocked. Shocked that Jamie would do that for me, and confused as to how he did it. Although it is Jamie, he always finds a way.

    After heaving my bag into the trunk of my car, I¡¯m just about ready to go when my phone rings. It''s Will. I wonder if Annie has already told him?

    "Hey Will," I answer, attempting to sound somewhat cheery.

    "What the hell are you doing Isobel?"

    Yep, Annie told him alright. She mustn''t have even waited to get into her apartment before calling him. I bite my lip, how do I even begin to explain this.

    "Annie said you''re going back to him," he says. ¡°Tell me she''s got it wrong?"

    "I¡­ um, no. She¡¯s not wrong."

    I''m almost whispering as I tell him, it''s hard not to feel ashamed about it after everything I told him.

    "So let me make sure I have this straight Izzy. This guy hits you, he sleeps with some hooker, he fucking knocks you out after trying to force his dick into your mouth and you what? Forgive him? Fall right back in line? What is it?"

    "You wouldn''t understand it Will, I-"

    "I wouldn''t? What is it, some kind of sick kink you have or something?"

    I know he''s being cruel because he''s angry, but it''s impossible not to take offence to how he''s choosing to express it.

    "How dare you drag my sister into that Isobel," he continues. "That guy is a psycho and you put her in danger, what the fuck were you thinking?"

    "He''s not dangerous," I insist, "he wouldn''t have hurt her. I didn''t even think he was going to be there Will."

    I don''t get any response to that. In-fact, I have to double check that Will is still on the line before I continue speaking.

    "Look, he''s going to go and see somebody," I say. "A therapist, he wants to change. He can be better."

    "You''re kidding me right?," he says jeeringly."Tell me Izzy, how often do you hear a story like yours end with a happily ever after? How often does the girl get to say he never hits her again?"

    "Why couldn''t it be me Will?"

    "Because your boyfriend is a twisted fuck who gets off on the shit he does to you. That''s why! Do you think he''s not running back telling Daddy he''s fixed his fuck up right now?"

    "No, that''s not true, he told his dad he doesn''t want-"

    "I don''t care what he told you or his dad Izzy! Honestly, I can''t even talk to you right now."

    The line goes dead as Will hangs up the call. Fuck.

    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

    There¡¯s no winning here is there? I want to be happy that Jamie has decided to work on himself, but now I feel like a complete fool for it.

    I don''t even manage to pull out of the carpark before my phone dings again with two new messages. One is from Annie, but it arrived a little too late.

    ANNIE: Hey, FYI, Will is pretty mad, he said he was going to try call you. Let me know how it goes. More importantly, give me a call later tonight? I want to know you''ll be alright. I really don''t like this whole thing Izzy, I should have taken you home with me and forced you to stay. xx

    The other is from Will.

    WILL: Don''t come to the show on Friday. I really couldn''t stand to look at you.

    He''s on the verge of being petty at this point, but I''m not mad at him for it. I''m doing the complete opposite of what I told him I''d do.

    It¡¯s likely that I wouldn''t have even went to see his show now anyway. Although I should really start as I mean to go on with Jamie¡­ and who is Will to tell me where I can or can''t go? I''ll go to that show if I want to! I''m done taking those kinds of orders, from Jamie or anybody else.

    I don''t send a reply back to Wills message, I don''t want him to know that he''s gotten under my skin. Instead I make my way home to straighten some things out with Jamie. Will has riled me up just enough for me to now have the bit between my teeth, and I want to be sure that things are crystal clear for him from now on.

    ??

    Jamie is waiting in the car park to take my bags upstairs when I pull in. It''s a small gesture, but not one that goes unnoticed.

    As we step into the apartment I can see that he''s made the effort to make it feel like I never left. Some candles are lighting, letting my favourite scent of pomegranate fill the hallway. He even took all of the clutter off of the console too, my pet peeve.

    "I''m going to get washed up," I say, "then we should sit down and talk."

    It''s been a long day, and I can''t wait to get into some PJs.

    Stepping away for awhile, I enjoy a long hot shower. There are certain home comforts that simply cannot be substituted for, even in a nice hotel.

    Afterward, I clean my face of all traces of makeup and scrape my damp hair up into a bun before second guessing it. Maybe it¡¯s the fact that I''ve just come home that does it, but I suddenly get a flashback of Jamie finding it a whole lot easier to pull me around when it was up like this, so I quickly slide the elastic out of my hair and let it fall down around my shoulders. I prefer it this way anyway.

    Jamie is cleaning up and putting away some cutlery as I come back down the hall. I creep in and watch him from the edge of the counter, recalling how I paid the price for the three tiny dishes I left in the sink. I wonder if he considered his hypocrisy at any point over the last few days as he let them pile up.

    He spots me standing there as he glances over his shoulder, the guilt written all over his face.

    "I know," he says matter of factly, "I assure you the double standard isn''t lost on me here Iz. I just couldn''t seem to get myself together the last couple of days."

    Placing the dish cloth on the counter, he turns to me to say something else, but comes to a halt when he gets a look at the bruise on my face. It''s the first time he''s gotten a full view of what he did to me.

    His skin becomes oddly pale, which is weird to me because he''s not someone I''d have ever considered squeamish. Covering his mouth with his hand, he tries to keep his composure, but it¡¯s no use. He has to rush himself over to the sink so that he can throw up.

    It¡¯s not often a person can make another vomit from the mere sight of them. Maybe I should put it on my resum¨¦.

    I want to comfort him, I do, but I know that won''t help me. Instead, I reach for the fridge, taking out a bottle of water and placing it on the counter beside the sink as he leans over it. I then step back into the living room and sit down. I want to appear unaffected. I''d rather be rubbing his back and wiping his mouth with a towel. I can''t though. Not now.

    I hear him run the tap for a bit, and I¡¯m half sure I hear a sniffle from him too. When he makes his way into the living room, he comes and kneels down in front of me.

    "I can''t believe I hurt you like that," he says, his eyes glistening.

    Using the tips of his fingers, he moves my hair back off my face, tucking it behind my ear before rubbing his thumb gently over the mess he made.

    "I''m so sorry Izzy," he says. "I swear on my life, I promise you, this will never ever happen again."

    "I hope that it won''t Jamie," I reply coldly, "for your sake rather than mine."

    I''m not sure how long I can hold onto this icy persona. As tears threaten to spill down Jamie''s face, I find it near impossible not to break. This isn''t me, I don''t enjoy seeing anyone in pain, even him.

    He quickly wipes at his eyes before taking his phone from his pocket, showing me the screen as he pulls up a website.

    "I did a quick search on some anger management groups while you were out," he explains. "There''s a church over on Middleton Boulevard that holds group sessions, see?"

    I look over the search he made. It seems like a good place, but I don''t know the last time Jamie was even at church, so I''m not so sure it''s for him. It seems he might have the same idea though.

    "I was thinking that maybe doing classes and seeing a therapist might be better for me," he says. "But I wanted to see what you think?"

    I''m surprised he''s been so active about it if I''m honest. I know he said he would, but he''s said a lot of things. It''s good, great even. I was half expecting that I''d be the one researching places for him to go, so it''s a welcome bit of work on his part.

    "I agree with you," I tell him. "I think classes would suit you better. Did you find any?"

    "Yeah I saw a place where I can do both. I''ll call them first thing in the morning."

    I hand him back his phone and study his face, wanting to be sure he means it. I need this to work.

    The buzzer at the front door interrupts us. I can smell the Indian food the second Jamie walks back into the living room with the carrier bag, but that pizza I had earlier has filled me up. I''ll pick away at it though, I don''t want to appear like I''m not eating it out of spite.

    Throughout our meal, Jamie tries his hardest to resume normality, talking to me about work and making plans for the weekend. But I can''t even pretend to feign an interest in it. I really want to address some things with him, so as soon as we finish eating, I go ahead and bite the bullet.

    "I made plans to go out on Friday night with Sarah. I just wanted to let you know.

    I''ll be meeting Annie next week too. This kind of thing is going to become a bit more regular for me, and I think that it''s important to lay it out now. Is that going to be an issue for you?"

    "No, its not an issue at all," he says. "It won''t ever be an issue again either. Honestly if I could go back in time and shake myself I would Iz. I know now that I''ve cut you off from people in your life, I thought about it a lot while you were gone earlier. I can see it now. I won''t say I did it with intension, but I can''t say I didn''t like having you to myself. I know that''s not right, especially not for you."

    "It''s not healthy Jamie. We can''t go back to that."

    "We won¡¯t," he says.

    Jamie sits staring at his hands before clearing his throat. Whatever he''s about to say must make him feel uneasy.

    "Have you... uh¡­ have told Sarah about everything?," he asks.

    "No. And I won''t be either, but thats not for your sake. It''s for my own sanity. She''d explode, and you two already hate each other."

    "I don''t hate her Iz," he says.

    My lips press together, I''m not sure who he''s trying to fool, but it isn''t me.

    "Okay so I don''t love her," he admits, "but that doesn''t mean I hate her. I know she''s good to you."

    "Exactly, and she''s my sister so she''s not going anywhere, and I don''t want you two at each others throats for any amount of time."

    "I can see why you wouldn''t want that," he says.

    Jamie does very little to hide his relief about Sarah remaining oblivious to his behaviour, and with that no longer a worry, he moves on to the next person who¡¯s sparked his curiosity.

    "So, do you mind if I ask about this Annie person," he says, "what''s her deal? How did you meet her?"

    Oh boy. I should have prepared for this, I knew it was coming. I don''t want to lie, not if we''re starting fresh, but the whole truth is not something I''ll be parting with either.

    "I know her brother," I say cautiously, keeping my eyes glued to him in wait of his reaction.

    "Her brother? How?"

    "He comes into the store a lot," I lie, "I wouldn''t say I know him all that well really actually.¡±

    "Okay, but how did you go from knowing her brother to bringing her here?," he asks.

    Jamie doesn''t sound accusing in any way, but he''s very interested in how this all came about.

    "They own a restaurant near the hotel," I tell him. "I went in for something to eat and bumped into him, I didn''t know it was their restaurant at the time. Will introduced me to Annie while I was there and we hit it off."

    "Right, it''s just, she''s got like what? Maybe a good ten years on you hasn''t she?"

    "So?"

    "So nothing," he says, "I''m just making an observation Iz. How old is her bother?"

    "I don''t know, a little younger probably. Like I said, I don''t know him all that well, Annie and I just seemed to get along and I ended out spilling my guts to her. I needed someone to talk to and she was there."

    It''s obvious that I won''t be winning an Oscar''s anytime soon. If this were a matter of days ago, I''m sure I''d be digging a grave for myself right now.

    "Is she married or anything?," Jamie asks, continuing his little fact finding mission.

    "Nope, no boyfriend or partner either. She''s very dedicated to the restaurant, it was her dads originally."

    "Oh, that''s nice."

    Thankfully his interest in Annie begins to dwindle from there, but now we find ourselves inching towards the area of conversation we¡¯re both least likely to enjoy.

    "I uh, I wanted to ask," he says timidly, "how are your... well, just with the bandages I wasn''t sure¡­ I- I did try to get everything out, but there were some little cuts so¡­"

    I''ve never seen Jamie unable to ask me a straight forward question before. I have to go ahead and put him out of his misery because I honestly cant stand to see it.

    "They''re fine Jamie. My feet are fine, you got everything. I''m walking on them aren''t I?"

    I suddenly feel so on edge, unsure if I¡¯m ready to relive that night with him just yet.

    Jamies cheeks flush as he scrambles for something to say.

    "I''m sorry, I''m not sure how I''m supposed to talk to you about it all Izzy."

    "And who''s fault is that?" I snap.

    What the hell is he expecting? A pat on the back for knowing how use a tweezers?

    I thought I could do this, I thought I could come back here and somehow be okay with him. But in the back of my mind all I can think about is the last time we were in this apartment together.

    "It¡¯s mine,¡± Jamie says quietly. Biting in the inside of his cheek, he hangs his head low with shame, and yet again I find it hard not to feel sorry for him.

    ¡°I really thought I was a better man than my father Iz," he says, "but somehow I''ve managed to be worse. I watch him break my moms heart day after day with all those other women and doesn''t even have the decency to hide it. And she just takes it Iz, she''s always taken it. I''ve never understood it, which I realise now sounds so ridiculous, because how could I do what I was doing to you and not get why she''d stay?I didn''t think it was the same thing¡­ but now I see that it is."

    Jamie looks up at me again as silent tears begin to fall down his face, willing me to say I can forgive him.

    I don''t know how to feel. I do want to believe him, and I want to trust him too, but this is all so fresh that I dont know if I can.

    "Iwant us to be better Izzy," he says. "I know I can do it. I''ll go to this therapist and I''ll do whatever they say, but I need you to see this through with me. I need you to stay while I work on things Iz, because if you don''t want this then what''s the point? I have nothing without you."

    I sit and stare at him for the longest time, tackling the lump in my throat while he waits for an answer.

    "I¡¯m here.," I say finally. "I''m here to do this with you Jamie, but I need some time to deal with things. I want nothing more than for all of this to be a tiny shitty memory we have in a great life together, but I need to get some distance between me and that memory first okay?There''s a whole lot we need to get past. There''s a lot for you to work on too, and I''ll need to see that before we can move on."

    "You will," Jamie says as he takes my hand in his. "Izzy I will do anything you want so that I never have to imagine another day without you. It took everything I had to stay away from that hotel these last few days."

    "I appreciate that you didn''t come," I tell him, "and thank you for calling the hotel today by the way. You really didn''t need to do that, I could have paid for it myself."

    "Actually, I did need to," he says. "You were there for one reason, my fuck up. It wouldn''t have been right for me to let you deal with it."

    "Well thank you anyway, it was really sweet. Oh wait- I meant to ask, how did you know what name I was using?"

    "What do you mean?," he asks.

    I don''t want to accuse him of playing dumb, but the look on his face says exactly that.

    "You know what I mean Jamie."

    He grows somewhat shy, aware that I won''t like the answer. I wait for it regardless.

    "It was in your emails Iz. Like I said before, you shouldn''t use the same password for everything. Your moms name was on the receipt they forwarded."

    "Christ Jamie! You can¡¯t be serious?" I say, pulling away from him. How far did he dive into all of my personal things?

    "I know it looks bad Iz..."

    "Yeah, because it is bad! Are you insane? You can''t just keep doing whatever the hell you want!¡±

    "I know I shouldn''t have," he says, "but it was driving me crazy not knowing if you were safe Izzy."

    "Didn¡¯t you get it Jamie? I was safer there than I ever was here!"

    "Izzy, thats not fair."

    "Not fair? Is this fair?," I yell, pointing at my face as I stand up. "Or how about the fact that I¡¯ll probably never be able to wash a dish in the sink again without thinking of the way you held me at it? Is that fair? Or that in the short time I''ve been home, I''ve already had to reconsider the simple action of tying my hair up just incase you decide to get another grip on it? Is that fair?"

    "Izzy please-"

    "No Jamie! You know fuck all about it not being fair. You have no idea! I can''t even step inside of our kitchen right now without wondering if I¡¯ll ever be able to be intimate with you again after what you did in there. Don''t you dare talk to me about fair.¡±

    I lose the tough exterior I''ve been trying to keep ahold of and burst into tears as I stand in the middle of the room. Jamie rushes to me, whispering apologies and I love yous. He holds me there for what feels like forever, shushing and swaying me until I pretty much exhaust myself from crying. This reconciliation isn¡¯t going how either of us had hoped at all.

    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry Izzy,¡± Jamie whispers repeatedly.

    I wonder if this is it. If this is the thing I simply can¡¯t forgive, no matter how hard I try? Or could it be a defining moment? The catalyst that could change the whole course of our relationship. I came back here for a reason today. I came back because I think that Jamie can do the right thing. I I have to continue to believe in that. I have to see through these tough times if I want the good.

    "Alright," I say eventually, wiping my eyes. "If this is going to work, then we need to set some boundaries.

    ¡°Boundaries?¡± Jamie asks, his brow crinkling.

    ¡°Yes. The first thing is that I''m going to change all of my passwords. It¡¯s not to hide anything from you, but I expect my privacy Jamie, the same as I afford you yours."

    He smiles weakly, but he has to understand how crazy what he did was.

    "We''re going to have separate bedrooms until I''m ready for you to come back, just like we agreed. I can''t give you a time line on that, so please, don''t ask me for one."

    Jamie continues to nod in agreement, but I know he¡¯s not expecting what I have to say next.

    "I also want you to get an STI test Jamie, and I want to see the results too. I''m sorry if you don''t like it, but I can¡¯t just take your word for it when you say that you didn''t sleep with any of those women that night. I have to protect myself.¡±

    His eyes close with defeat, knowing I wont budge on this.

    "I can do that," he says, "I honestly don''t remember a lot of what did happen that night, so it''s fair for you to want that."

    I feel like that foggy memory excuse is the closest that I''m going to get to the truth. Without it, I have to push aside the feeling of betrayal I have and pray that the reason he doesn''t remember is because it didn''t happen.

    Jamie takes my hands again squeezing them like I''ll take flight if he doesn''t.

    "Are you sure you can do this Iz?," he asks. "A clean slate?"

    "I''m sure I can try."

    He leans in, kissing the top of my head before wrapping me into his arms.

    The evening drifts past us as we talk ourselves horse, making tiny strides of progress as we do.

    Jamie offers to come out with me on Friday so we can unwind a bit, but I decline, I''m not ready to ''unwind'' with him just yet. I still need some space to build back the life I lost for us, never mind the fact that Will will be there. That''s a whole other situation that I''d like to avoid.

    Instead I offer to let him come to my dads with me on Sunday so he can see that I''m meeting him halfway. I could really use an ally there anyway.

    We agree to take each day as it comes to us for now, and to continue to communicate on things. Before I know it, it''s almost midnight and we''re both exhausted. We have work tomorrow, so I make my excuses and go to bed, leaving Jamie to the spare room. It feels weird, but we both know it¡¯s right.

    Crawling into bed, I decide to keep my sights firmly set on how amazing the future could be. I want Jamie and I to have everything that we wish for together. I want us to be happy. I just hope that he can keep his word.

 Chapter 16

    When I returned to work the next morning, I was greeted with a bunch of my favourite flowers and some homemade scones, both courtesy of the two ladies. They kept some time free in the morning too so that we could go for a coffee together and discuss my little fall. I''ve never felt like such a liar in my whole life.

    I had myself well covered up so it didn''t look so bad, but to be fair, we were all way more interested in the fact that Carol had managed to successfully bake scones that didn''t brake any of our teeth.

    Dayna covered for me while I was off, and she''s doing a few hours today too, so it gives me time to catch up on scheduling. She wastes absolutely no time letting me know that I now owe her one. I''m not so sure that''s how sick days work, but she saved the ladies a lot of hassle so I''m not going to argue.

    I''m anxious to get life back to normal and being here today is really helping. Throughout the morning I get a message from Annie checking in again. She thinks that Will might come around in time, but I don''t imagine that¡¯s very likely. I probably don''t need the complication anyway.

    I wonder if he plans to completely blank me on Friday? That would be horrible, but I probably should expect it.

    I give Jamie a call while I''m at lunch, he''s booked himself into his first session with the therapist on Monday evening. They told him that they¡¯ll assess what he might need and should refer him to the anger management classes from there. I have to admit, I''m quite impressed with him. He seems to be fully engaged with taking the right steps for us.

    Thankfully my whole work day is smooth, the store is quiet so all four of us slack off a little, it''s rare to have us all here at the same time so we catch up on a lot of girl talk and have plenty of coffee to fuel us.

    By the time I get home I feel like I''m walking on air. The minute I open up the door Jamie greats me with a bouquet of roses so big they completely dwarf the bunch of dahlias the women gave me, although they still remain my favourite.

    He takes my bag from me, ushering me down the hall.

    "I''ve ran a bath for you," he says, "and I put some music on. It''s hard to believe that you''ll be relaxed with the stuff you¡¯re into, but I figured it was a safer bet than Mozart or something."

    "Oh, wow," I say, "this is so sweet, thank you."

    I could afford to chill out a bit, and I dont want to push back on his efforts either so I gleefully accept.

    "Dinner will be ready in about forty minutes," he tells me, "but I''ll knock on the door in thirty so you know to finish up."

    "Jamie you really don''t have to do all this,"I reassure him, "an evening in front of the TV is just as nice."

    "You deserve a whole lot more than this Izzy, let me look after you, please."

    I''m not going to knock the guy for trying, so I head straight for the bathroom, ready to indulge myself in some relaxation.

    ??

    Jamie is full of those little moments as the rest of the week passes. There''s sweet phone calls, little gifts that I like lying around, we even go for a nice moonlight walk in the park. It''s like when we first started dating, bar the physical side of things of course. I haven''t so much as held his hand since I came home. He''s made the effort to introduce things like kissing my forehead goodnight or putting his hand on my lap as we watch TV, but I don''t give much of a response when he does. Just thinking about it makes me feel uneasy.

    When Friday comes around, I''m nervous about seeing Will and what he might say to me, but I''m so excited to see Sarah that I could burst. This is the longest I''ve gone without seeing her and it''s completely my fault, I allowed myself to get distracted, but I intend to fully make it up to her tonight.

    I shoot home after work to have a quick shower and do my make up. I''m meant to be getting ready with her, but I can''t very much arrive with no make up on can I? I''ll do it here and say that I was saving time. The bruising on my cheek is healing quicker than I thought it would though, so at least that''s something.

    Jamie is still all for me having some fun tonight. He watches me pack my clothes, complimenting the colour of the top I picked. It''s like he''s excited for me to get out. It''s different, but it''s a good different.

    "Where is it you guys are going?," he asks, frowning at my sneakers as I drop them into my bag.

    "It''s that place Morgan''s. We''ve been there before together remember? Sarah brought us to see what she called, ''an all female line up''?''"

    Jamie doubles over with laughter as he recollects it.

    "Ah yes, the burlesque show,¡± he recalls fondly. ¡°There were corsets and garters everywhere, I didn''t know where to look!"

    "I don''t know why you''re laughing," I say, "You were trying to get me to dress up like that for weeks afterward. I could have killed Sarah."

    "Trying to? I''m pretty sure there''s some thigh high stockings in your drawer that would say my efforts were successful Izzy."

    I tsk at him as my cheeks flush, but I''d be lying if I said it wasn''t fun at the time.

    "So who''s playing tonight?," he asks.

    Jamie wouldn''t have a single clue of any local bands, it''s never been his thing, but it''s cute that he''s trying to take an interest.

    "It''s a band one of Sarah''s friends plays in. I''ve never seen them before. She said they''re really good though."

    Little beads of sweat begin to form on the back of my neck as I consider how much I want to lie right now. With Annie in my life, it''s possible at some point that Jamie and Will may cross paths, so I need to be prepared for that. It''s better to tell the truth now, rather than be caught in a lie later.

    "Actually um, this is a really weird coincidence," I say, "but it turns out that Annie''s brother sings for them, she said he plays guitar too, isn''t that funny? I didn''t know until I told her I was going tonight."

    I hold my breath and wait, that is the most unbelievable crap I''ve ever said aloud. There''s no way he''s falling for it.

    "No way?," Jamie says as he zips my bag closed. "That is funny, it''s a small enough business to be in though I guess. Can I look them up?"

    Taking out his phone, Jamie opens up his instagram. Why am I so nervous?

    "Oh yeah, it''s uh, Small Edit, I think..."

    "Weird name. Ah, here they are." Jamie watches a few of their videos, bopping his head along to some of the music. "They''re pretty good actually," he says. "Is that Annie''s brother there?"

    He points out Will on the screen. I squint at it pretending that I''m not sure.

    "Uhh...yep, that''s him," I say, trying to sound breezy.

    "Well, if you enjoy yourself tonight and want to see them again, I''d be happy to go with you.¡±

    I know he''s just trying to be sweet and has no real intension of following through, but that idea is quite literally my worst nightmare. It''s never happening.

    "Sure," I say, smiling through gritted teeth, "that would be fun."

    Jamie and I say goodnight at the door of the apartment. It''s clumsy. He wanted a kiss goodbye and I offered a hug. A hug? What am I twelve? We met somewhere in the middle and it just felt embarrassing. I shake off the feeling as I rush to my car and begin to let the excitement sink in.

    ??

    I just about have time to get my keys out of the ignition when I pull up to Sarah''s house before Emily and Anna come barrelling out the front door in their pyjamas.

    "Izzy!," they screech.The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

    God I missed them. I bend down and scoop them both into a giant hug, squeezing so tight that they pretend they can''t breathe.

    "Gosh, look at you Emmy," I say, placing her back down on the ground, "you''re at least a foot taller!"

    "No way!," she laughs bashfully, trying to stand on her tip toes, feeling as tall as I''ve made her.

    "Anna! What are those?" I ask as she pulls her hair back behind her ears, exaggerating the movement in the hope that I''ll notice she''s gotten her ears pierced."Oh my gosh is the sun back out?" I ask, covering my eyes and pretending that her little rhinestones are causing a glare.

    They giggle together as they pull me by my hands towards the house where Mark stands on the porch with his arms folded across his chest. Looks like I''m in for it.

    "Well, well, well. Look who finally came to visit!," he says.

    He''s a big guy so it should be intimidating, but I know him too well.

    "Aww, did my big bro miss me?," I say as I tip my finger on the end of his nose.

    "C''mere sis," he says, manhandling me as he forces me into a hug. While he has me there, he lowers his voice and mumbles a warning into my ear.

    "Your sister is going to chew you up you know, those girls have been hounding her for weeks to see you."

    "I''m sorry," I say, "Life¡¯s been a little crazy. I promise, I''ll be around a lot more from now on."

    Mark let''s me go, giving me a look that says he''ll believe me when he see''s it happen.

    "How about this," I offer, "why don''t you look at taking Sarah out somewhere nice and I''ll take the girls for a night? That might put me back in favour right? And it might work out well for you too," I say with a wink as I back up into the house.

    Time to face the music.

    Sarah is in the kitchen, bouncing between a pot on the stove and applying her mascara. I quietly take over the stove as she acts like I''m not even here. I give her some puppy dog eyes in the hope that it thaws her out a bit.

    "Don''t even try it Izzy," she says.

    "Aw c''mon, how could you possibly be mad at this face?," I ask childishly.

    "I''m not mad at you," she says, "I just think you should prioritise things in your life a little better."

    "So, just to be clear, you''re mad at me right now, but you weren''t mad when we spoke on the phone on Saturday? Hmm, I wonder why?"

    "I was mad at you on Saturday too," she says, "but I needed to make sure I got you to Dads house. See? Priority''s Izzy."

    I pull my hand to my chest dramatically like I''ve been wounded in battle.

    "Well, I feel simply duped! Hoodwinked! Mislead! Double-cross-"

    "Alright, alright, enough," Sarah huffs.

    I see a little smile creep across her face and know that I''ve got her over a barrel now.

    "I''m calling us even," she says, "but Izzy, the girls have missed you like crazy. What could possibly be more important than them?"

    I hold my hands up. "You''re right," I tell her, "I''ve let life get on top of me recently that''s all. I''m sorry. I promise, I''ll be here a lot more. I even told Mark I''d babysit some night so he can take you out."

    "I''d prefer if he took em'' and you and I went out," she whispers, elbowing my ribs, but we both know she doesn''t mean it. Sarah is crazy about Mark. Their relationship is something to strive for.

    Sarah can never stay mad at me for long. I''d like to say it''s because of my charm, but it''s not. It''s just the type of person she is, she doesn''t want to waste any time being mad at people, she wants to enjoy all that life has to offer. It''s one of her best qualities.

    I finish heating up the soup she was wrestling with when I got here and pour it into two bowls before calling the girls and buttering up some bread rolls for them. Marks mom arrives just as they sit down to eat. She''s going to be watching them tonight, but I don''t know who''s more pumped for it, her or the kids.

    As it turns out, it was lucky that I had already done my make up, because Mark is rushing us around as we do some finishing touches. He still has to get the equipment to the venue.

    I grab my bag and rush upstairs to change just to shut him up.

    Throwing on the jeans and shirt that I picked out the other day, I find the top is a little shorter and tighter than I remember, leaving a good inch of my waist on show. I debate asking Sarah if she has something else, but maybe a little skin will teach Will not to piss me off.

    I spray on a drop of perfume, slip on my vans and then hurry back downstairs before Mark gets any more antsy.

    "Damn Izzy, look at you," Sarah says as I get to the end of the stairs.

    I roll my eyes, but if I''m honest, its exactly what I needed to hear. I hope Will chokes.

    She looks great herself of course, she always does. She''s a lot more confident than I am, but I suppose she has the goods to back it up. She''s a little taller than me, with legs that I''d kill for. They''re easily her best asset and she knows it, that''s why she''s paired a sheer pair of black tights with a short flowing black dress. I watch as Marks eyes eat her up. Tonight should be fun.

    They kiss the girls good night and I promise them I''ll see them Sunday before we all squeeze ourselves into Marks truck. It looks like he''s bringing all of the equipment judging by how much is in here.

    I send Jamie a message on the way there, letting him know everything is going well. He''s trying, so I am too.

    When we arrive, Sarah already needs to pee so dashes straight inside. I give Mark a hand by bringing in some of the boxes and stands, it feels like a whole bunch of random poles to me but I''m sure it makes sense somehow.

    Following him around to the back door, I laugh as he nearly falls over while kicking at it. Our hands are full, so he calls out to whoever is on the other side. As the door creeks open, a guy with dirty blonde hair holds it for us. He''s tall. Very tall. I wouldn''t say he''s muscular, but he''s not skinny either. Saying that, his jeans are so tight that I do wonder if they''re cutting off his circulation anywhere.

    "Hey Adam, can you take this?," Mark asks as he hands over a large black case. The guy holds the door open with his foot as Mark moves past him with some more stuff. I follow him in, nodding hello as I pass.

    It''s so dark in here that I can''t see a thing. I can only assume we''re back stage, but without any proper lighting it''s hard to tell.

    "Should I put this anywhere?" I ask, looking to Mark. He points towards an empty table off to my left. As I put the stuff down, that guy Adam takes a good look at me before smirking towards Mark.

    "No Tully tonight?," he asks. It''s near impossible to miss his undertone.

    "Hey, watch your mouth," Mark says, scrunching his nose in disgust, "that''s my little sister."

    I furrow my brow, humoured by Marks sense of protective duty.

    "I''m not your sister Mark," I point out, "I''m Sarah''s, and I hope you realise how gross you''ve just made it all seem."

    "You''re kidding?" Adam says, straightening himself up and stretching out his hand to shake mine. "You''re little Tully? Heck, it''s about time, I''m Adam, it''s nice to meet you."

    I barely get a second to introduce myself before Adam turns and shouts out into the darkness around us. "Hey Will, your friend is here!"

    Mark flashes him a glare, unimpressed with the emphasis. I feel my stomach hit the floor. Obviously Will hasn''t filled Adam in on the fact that he''s decided we''re not friends.

    He appears like a creepy sex god from the shadows, wearing a pair of black jeans that he''s paired with a tight fitting black button down shirt. The short sleeves pinch at the muscle on his tattooed arms. Damn it, I thought I had one upped him in the outfit department.

    He approaches Adam, but then spots me standing off to the side of Mark. I try to appear unbothered by his presence by playing with the ends of my hair, but it''s hard not to feel a bit awkward here. Where the hell is Sarah?

    Unaware of how uneasy I''m feeling, Mark realises that there''s still some microphone stands missing and pulls Adam out to his truck to find them, leaving me entirely alone with Will. Wonderful.

    "You came then?" he asks, leaning himself against a speaker of some sort to face me.

    "Yep, with Sarah, like I said."

    "I asked you not to."

    "I''m sorry, are you in charge of me or something?," I snap.

    He probably doesn''t deserve me being too much of a smart ass, but he also can''t tell me what to do.

    "I think we both know who''s in charge of you Izzy," he says harshly, "but it sure is nice of him to let you out tonight."

    I narrow my eyes at him. "That''s a low blow Will."

    Forcing myself to stand a little taller, I become determined not to let him make me feel like I shouldn''t be here. As we childishly compete to see who can stay quiet the longest, I spot Wills eyes briefly flicker to the sliver of skin I have on show. His fingers twitch, almost as if they want to reach out and touch something¡­ Maybe I did one up him after all.

    He lets out a low grunt of frustration as he pushes himself off of the speaker.

    "You really piss me off Izzy you know that?," he says. "You go back to him like nothing ever happened, but then you still come here to see me.Am I supposed to just accept that?"

    "Who said I was here to see you Will?" I ask. I''m here with my sister."

    "Oh please," he scoffs. "You keep telling yourself that."

    "I told you already that Sarah invited me. Maybe if your head wasn''t so far up your own ass you''d remember."

    A peculiar smirk appears on Wills face as he takes a step towards me. I glance around to find that it really is just the two of us here. Backing up, I try to keep some space between us, but he gets as close to me as he can before reaching out and grazing his finger along my bare waist, sending a tingle down my spine as he leans in and whispers in my ear.

    "Y''know, it¡¯s one thing for you to go back to him and assume that I¡¯d grin and bare it. But it¡¯s another entirely for you to come here teasing me like that and expecting no retaliation.¡±

    I meet his eyes, suddenly my whole body feels on fire.

    "What do you mean?" I ask, playing dumb to his teasing remark.

    "Go have fun with your sister Isobel," he says, "I''m going to find some of my own."

    With that, Will disappears back into the darkness, leaving me covered in goosebumps and half worried about what kind of fun it is that he''s gone looking for.

    ??

    Following the sound of scores of people talking and laughing, I manage to navigate myself out to the front where I should be. It''s easily been about two years since I was last here, but nothing has changed. Morgan¡¯s is still as popular and as rammed with bodies as it ever was.

    Sarah spots me across the bar and pulls her self up onto a stool so she can wave me over to her. She shrugs at me almost apologetically as I weave my way through the crowd to reach her, thankfully she¡¯s managed to get us some drinks and find a table while I was backstage.

    "It''s loud here right?," she says, "Or am I just old?"

    "Both," I jab. "But it''s fine. We''re going to enjoy ourselves and have some time together, that''s the important thing."

    "Exactly! Did you see Will back there?," she asks.

    "Sure did, they''re busy setting up. Mark''s still with them."

    "Ugh, honestly he''s like a roadie or something for these guys, it''s crazy. He''s way too generous with his time. Although to be fair they''re always really grateful for his help."

    "Well don''t you worry," I tell her, "I''ll be your company tonight while your roadie is busy."

    "Good," she says. "I was worried Will might have tried to keep you back there. I still do not get how you two are friends? It¡¯s not like him to keep female company that''s not benefiting him, if you get what I mean?¡±

    Loud and clear.

    "That''s funny," I say, "that''s the second time I''ve heard that. His sister Annie said the same. I get along with her quite well, maybe she warned him off me or something."

    I shrug my shoulders, taking a big gulp of my drink. My mind is still on Wills retaliation remark, but it seems like I won''t have to wait too long to find out what he meant by it.

    Sure enough, I spot him sitting on a stool at the bar with a half dressed brunette standing between his legs. You''d be forgiven for thinking that she''s standing that close to him in order to make sure he can hear her over the noise in here, but his fingers gliding over the back of her thighs tell a different story.

    He glances my way just in time to catch me staring. A small curl forms at the side of his mouth. He wanted me to see him with her. What a dick.

    Sarah notices the little PDA too, and is just as grossed out by it.

    ¡°See what I mean?," she says. "I swear, I''ve never seen him with the same girl twice.¡±

    "Well, he''s a single guy Sarah, he can do what he wants."

    I do my absolute best not to sound bitter, the last thing I need is to arouse her suspicion.

    My teeth hurt from how tight I have my jaw clenched. I shouldn¡¯t care, I even try to convince myself that I don¡¯t. But if that¡¯s the case, why do I stupidly decide to steal a look back over in Wills direction just in time to see the brunette pull him close to her and plant her open mouth on his. It''s impossible not to stare, hell the whole bar is watching them practically eat each other.

    I turn my back, taking them both out of my view completely. As far as I''m concerned, Will doesn''t exist. Although this raging ball of jealously in my chest says otherwise.

    Christ, tonight is going to be torture.

 Chapter 17.

    My attention is now firmly set on Sarah as we gossip away and wait for Mark. I''m doing everything I can to distract myself from Will and the brunette and whatever they may or may not be doing. I can''t stand the feeling of not knowing, but I wouldn''t dare give him the satisfaction of catching me look again either.

    When Mark does find us, he''s all fired up about some other band that''s supposed to play first. He is not a fan. Big attitudes apparently. He''s shouting and cussing in my ear about them for a solid five minutes as Sarah sits off to his side, silently laughing at me. He''s giving me an overly detailed play by play on how much they suck, and all I can do is nod along.

    As the assault on my eardrum continues, I spot Adam and some other guy squeezing between people in search of a free table and decide to take the opportunity to escape Mark with both hands.

    "Adam!," I yell over the noise, "Do you guys wanna'' sit here? There''s some spare stools."

    "That''d be great, thanks little Tully!," he says before placing his drink down on the table right between Mark and I. Thank god.

    He takes a good look around, noticing the buzz in the atmosphere.

    ¡°This place is packed!," he says. "Are you guys sure you don''t mind us butting in?"

    "No! Not at all," I insist.

    Sarah is literally wiping away tears of laughter. If looks could kill, I''d have her in a solid chokehold right now.

    Adam introduces me to his friend Alex, who plays drums for Small Edit. I have to say, he comes across painfully normal for a drummer in a rock and roll band.

    His sandy brown hair is overgrown, but in a way that looks intensional and a little rugged. It pulls my eye downward to his biceps. I''m not sure if drummer arms are a thing, but he has em'' for sure. It looks like he could pick this whole place up.

    As we chat, Alex mentions that he''s getting married next year to his girlfriend Elenor. They met at a show a few years ago and have a one year old son together already. Elenor is at home with their little boy right now, but she''ll be making her way in to watch the guys play once she gets the little guy down for the night. He doesn''t go into too much detail, but from doing the math, it sounds like it was all a bit of a whirlwind for them. They sound happy though, and the normal-ness makes a lot more sense to me now too.

    I don''t know what Will has or hasn''t told any of these guys since he decided to oust me, so I stick to asking Alex questions about himself, avoiding my own life entirely.

    Speaking of Will, himself and the brunette have noticed that everyone is at our table, so they make their way over just in time to watch Marks favourite band as they begin their set. I get a few sideways glances from both Adam and Sarah, I''m not sure why, it''s not like I can be put out by the fact Will is with a girl that''s actually available to him. I am, but I can''t show it.

    Thirty seconds into the first song and I already fully understand Marks aversion to this band. They''re cheesy as hell, and have a whole lot of dramatics going on. They''re called ''The Plan'' or something like that. I''m not sure what ''the plan'' is, but it''s certainly not to play good music that''s for sure.

    I suddenly jump as Mark somehow appears beside me again, yelling another ten reasons why he hates them into my ear. I swear, it''s like he has some sort of personal vendetta going on.

    He continues his torrent of abuse, forcing me to smile along with it.

    "They think they''re going to be huge, and that they''re doing us all a favour by being here," he fumes, "I hate that, I don''t think they''ve ever even played another venue."

    "You hate that they want to be bigger than this?" I ask confused.

    "No, I hate that they act like they are," he clarifies. "Adam and the guys could play them under the table any day of the week, but they don''t have a big head about it. That''s what I like about them, the fact they''re normal guys with no disillusions. They don''t want to be anything other than what they are."

    I never really thought about it, but even in his drunken rant, Mark is kind of right. It''s admirable that Will and the others are content as they are instead of chasing something they might never get. I think they could be huge if they wanted to be. I''ve listened to some of their songs recently and they sound really good, but Will said himself that he had no interest in that life. I like that he just wants to be him. Even if I don''t like him right now.

    As the first song ends, the brunette Will is with starts to introduce herself around the table. Ashley. Ashley is ridiculously gorgeous of course, and just as nice. It literally pains me. I plaster on a smile as she shakes my hand, noticing Wills eyes bounce between us in my peripheral.

    "What do you think of the band?" she asks me, smiling and pointing at the stage like they''re the biggest stars in the world. I''m not about to be rude to her, she''s done nothing wrong here. I''m also not going to let her fall victim to Marks ranting either, so I quietly agree that they''re half decent, making sure Mark doesn¡¯t here me. It''s lucky I do though, because she then mentions that the bassist is a friend of hers.

    "I bet he is," Sarah mumbles to me sarcastically.

    Subtlety is not Sarah''s strong suit at all, and I can tell by the look Will gives her that he''s overheard her, so I shut it down before he can get mouthy about it.

    "Don''t be mean Sarah," I say quietly, "she seems alright."

    Sarah shrugs her shoulders, not taking the hint. "Maybe so, but would some more clothing have hurt? I can practically see what she ate for lunch."

    Thankfully Will doesn''t catch that, but I still put an end to the conversation. I think this Ashley girl should wear whatever she wants anyway, although I''d prefer it if Wills hand wasn''t on her ass while she does.

    I''ll have to explain that little moment to Sarah later, but I''m sure she won''t mind that I saved her from a needless confrontation with Will anyway.

    It''s beyond hot in here, and I feel very aware of the sweat that''s glistening on my face. I want to make sure my make up stays put tonight to avoid any questions, so I make my excuses to Sarah so I can go and touch it up.

    "I''m going to find the bathroom,¡± I tell her, ¡°behave yourself!¡±

    The last thing I need is Will thinking that I''ve set my sister on his latest conquest, so I hope Sarah takes heed of my warning.

    Finding the women¡¯s bathroom here is next to impossible. The place is like Narnia and I cant seem to remember where the heck it is. I follow a long corridor, passing the men''s bathroom and some locked doors, but there''s still no sign of it. Trudging up a set of stairs, I round a corner in the hope of seeing the familiar little lady on the door, but instead I find a ''staff only'' sign and nowhere else to go. Did I walk right by it?

    Spinning around in confusion, I clumsily slam right into somebody. Somebody I should not be anywhere near.

    "Ouch! Did you follow me back here?" I snap, throwing an accusing look Wills way as I rub my nose.

    He, ignores my question entirely, firing one of his own instead.

    "What was that about?," he asks.

    "What was what about?"

    "That thing with you and your sister. You told her to be nice to Ashley."

    He eyes me suspiciously, his face laced with humour. This man has no right being that damn handsome.

    "Actually, I told her not to be mean," I say. "I can''t promise that she''s going to be nice, so you should probably go back out there and check on your girl instead of following me."

    I make an effort to push passed him, but he blocks my path, putting his hand up against the wall.

    "She''s not my girl Isobel."

    "Could have fooled me," I say, "could have fooled the whole bar actually. I didn''t realise there was a pre-show."

    Theres a bit of a bite in my tone, but it only seems to widen Wills grin.

    "It''s not me that''s attached to somebody Izzy. I can do what I want, even if you don''t like it. It''s nice to know it made you jealous though," he says.

    I scoff like that''s the most insane thing I''ve ever heard, but he just keeps that stupid smug expression on his face.

    "Jealous of what?," I ask, "Your..." I wave my hand in a circle, unsure what to call her.

    "My friend," he finishes for me.

    "Right, your friend. You have a lot of those I hear."

    "What do you mean by that," he questions, taking a step closer to me. There''s a hint mischief in his eyes that I know won''t be good for me.

    I don''t want to give him the pleasure of knowing that I''m jealous of not only Ashley, but all of the ''Ashleys'' that came before her too, so I brush over his question.

    "What were you expecting me to do Will?" I ask. "Did you want me to be a bitch to her? Let you think you were worth a catfight? I''m not a teenager, and she''s done nothing wrong other than have a friend in a really, really shitty band."

    I glance towards the stairs that lead back to the bar, we can still hear them playing out there, and it''s become nothing more than nonsensical screeching at this point.

    Will clears his throat, trying to hide his laughter, but he knows I''m right, they''re awful. He takes one final stride towards me, pretty much closing whatever gap there was between us.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    "I gotta'' say Izzy, I''m getting a bit tired of this game we''re playing."

    "What game?¡±

    He moves his lips towards mine, freezing me in place. I can literally feel the heat from his breath on me, but he doesn''t go any further.

    "The one where we pretend that we don''t like each other," he says. His honesty is poignant as always.

    "Who pretending?," I snipe at him. He doesn''t budge though. He''s expecting more from me.

    I throw my head back in frustration, taking a deep breath. He really doesn''t want to make any of this easy for me.

    "I dont know what you want me to say Will, I have a boyfriend. Isn''t that your limit for the girls you mess with? Or have you ran through all the single ones here already?"

    "There''s that jealously again Isobel," he says.

    "I¡¯m not jealous!"

    He sighs then, his smile fading. "It''s insane to me that you can still call him that you know. Your boyfriend. Does it really not make your stomach turn?"

    I step back from him, breaking up whatever moment that was and lean myself against the wall.

    "I don''t get how you can even like a guy like that Isobel," he continues, "let alone how you sleep next to him."

    "I''m not sleeping next to him," I say defensively, "¡­not right now anyway."

    I''ve no idea why I bothered to share that, maybe in the hope that he doesn''t try to make me feel like such an idiot.

    Will matches my stance, pressing his shoulder to the wall.

    "Really?," he asks, "are you back at the hotel?"

    "No, he''s sleeping in the spare bedroom."

    Will paints a look on his face that literally asks me if I''m stupid without actually having to ask.

    "Why even bother?," he says. "Sleep with him now, sleep with him later, either way it''s gonna'' happen isn''t it?"Wills voice is sharp, the direction of this conversation seems to have struck a nerve.

    "I need some time," I say, shrugging my shoulders.

    "I hate to break it to you Izzy," he says, "but he''s going to fuck you the same way be it now or later. That time you need? It changes nothing for him."

    "God almighty Will, are you always so one track minded? Maybe it''s not about sex. Maybe I need to see if he can change! Maybe I need to know that I''m not wrong in choosing to stay before I can even consider any of that!"

    Will rolls his eyes. I know he doesn''t believe any of this will work out, but why does he have to be such a dick about it?

    "Look," I say, meeting his stare. "I''m sorry that I''m not responding to all of this the way you wanted me too Will. I''m sorry I''m not who you thought I was."

    "Yeah? You and me both Izzy."

    I''m sure he doesn''t say that to be cruel, and that he''s simply being honest, but how I feel when I hear it is the same regardless. Crushed.

    "What was my alternative?," I ask. "What would you have done if you were me Will? Would you leave and forget that you love him? It''s not so easy, I''ve tried! What would I even do anyway? Join your spinning corral of women? No thanks."

    "No, instead you''ll stay and be a punching bag. Wow you''re right, thats so much better Izzy. Well done, good choice."

    "That''s not going to happen anymore."

    "Oh fuck Izzy don''t be so ingenuous," he says, "it really doesn''t suit you. Jesus, wasn''t it just last week that he was letting some girl he hired blow him in his office? Why would you be okay with that? Is there something wrong with how you do it? Is that it?"

    I actually feel winded from shock. As soon as the words left his mouth it was like I could see myself kneeling in front of Jamie all over again, begging him to listen to me.

    "What did you just say?" I ask.

    "I''m just saying, are you lacking in that whole area or something? Is that why you don''t seem to mind if he buys it somewhere else?"

    Tears sting the back of my eyes. I try to stay calm, forcing myself to keep a level head, but I¡¯d be lying if I said I didn¡¯t want to punch him square in the mouth right now.

    Keeping my composure, I step around him towards the stairs. I don''t want to look at his gorgeous stupid face for another second.

    Will curses under his breath as I walk away, and then a loud groan follows. "I''m sorry," his voice echos behind me, bringing me to a stop at the edge of the staircase. "I shouldn''t have said that, I wasn''t thinking. I didn''t mean to upset you Izzy."

    "Do I look upset?," I ask, turning to look at him. I try to appear stoical, but I''m sure the tremor in my voice tells the truth.

    "Okay, I''m sorry if I hurt your feelings then.¡±

    "You didn''t," I say, folding my arms over my chest, refusing to tell the truth.

    There''s really no point arguing back and forth with him, there''s no winner here anyway. We''re both angry. I know I should leave right now and go home. I should try to forget all about Will and whatever this is. But I dont, I stay here, half mad at him and half pulled to him like a magnet.

    A prickly silence covers us as we both sit with everything we''re feeling. Will shakes his head in some form of frustration.

    "Why on earth did you have to come here like that Isobel?," he asks, letting his eyes fall over me again.

    "I''m wearing more clothes than your little friend out there Will, maybe you should corner her back here and see where it gets you."

    It''s a cheap shot I know, but I feel so much better having said it.

    Wills jaw clenches like he''s just about had enough of me. I expect some other form of insult to come my way, but all he does is check behind him, noticing the staff only sign on the door above his head.

    Suddenly, he reaches for me, taking me by surprise and quickly pulling me with him into the little room before he jams a wet floor sign under the handle. There''s just about enough room for the two of us in here. We¡¯ve no choice but to stand face to face, mere inches apart.

    There''s a moment between us where Will brushes his fingers against mine, and that alone is enough to send me into a spiral. I want him. But all he does is look back at me like I''m some kind of delicate porcelain doll that he doesn''t want to break. I''m no doll though, and right now I have no doubt in my mind that I want him to break me. Actually, I want him to ruin me.

    "I hope you didn''t pull me in here just to stare into my eyes Will," I say, daring him to take this somewhere we shouldn¡¯t.I don''t know where this bravery is coming from, but it better stick around because I have no idea what I''m doing right now.

    A low grunt crawls up Wills throat as he pulls me to him, gripping my hips like I''ve always been his.

    "That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble Isobel," he says as his nose brushes my cheek. His scent is like a magic elixir that I wish I could bottle. There really isn''t a single part of him that I don''t want to experience.

    "You realise you may be about to cross your own line here right?," I tease as I wrap my arms around his neck.

    He takes a few strands of my hair and twirls them in his fingers.

    "I guess you''re going to continue to be the exception then Isobel.¡±

    My mind flickers to Jamie for a fleeting moment. Shouldn''t I stop this? Shouldn''t I feel bad being in here with Will?

    Not even a little bit.

    Will leans in, trying to kiss me, but I''m not letting him off the hook that easy.

    "Ah ah, I don''t think so," I whisper as I feel his hands run down my sides. "You just had some girls tongue down your throat, and I am not interested in tasting her."

    "I was trying to make you jealous," he says, pushing my hair out of his way so he can run soft kisses up my neck. My brain is already losing the battle of wits to the throbbing that''s happening between my legs.

    "Tell the truth" he husks between kisses, "did it work?"

    "Yes," I admit, "but like I said, I''m not interested in tasting her, just you."

    I slide my hand between us and quickly undo his belt, unbuttoning his jeans along with it. I can feel the anticipation build with every breath he takes, and it only serves to spur me on.

    I know exactly what I want to do. I want to take back the choice that Jamie tried to take from me. I want to be the one in control. Maybe I''m still mad at him, or maybe I just want Will enough to risk everything, either way, I''m doing something well outside of my character here, but I won''t pretend for a second that I don''t love it.

    As I drop to my knees, Will quickly realises my intension and grabs ahold of my wrist in his hand.

    "Wait Izzy, I really didn''t mean what I said. You don''t have to do that."

    He attempts to pull me back to my feet, but I shake his hand away. Staring up at him through my eyelashes, I feel a new found confidence take over.

    "I wasn''t doing anything because I have to," I tell him, "I''m doing it because I want to."

    Before he can argue again, I slide his jeans down a little, quickly followed by his boxer-shorts, freeing him. Oh. My. God.

    Taking him in my hand, I begin to stroke him as he drops his head back, letting a quiet moan slip through his lips. I could watch him enjoy this all night.

    Little beads of pre-cum ball at his tip, and I flick my tongue over it to get a taste, making his whole body jerk in the process.

    "What the hell are you doing to me Izzy?," he asks breathlessly.

    I look up at him one last time with a menacing glare.

    "I''m showing you just how wrong you were."

    Watching him then as I wrap my mouth around him, I see his eyes roll back as his breath catches in his throat.

    "Jesus Christ Isobel," he whispers. I don''t ever want to hear him call me by anything else.

    His hands grip the shelf edge behind him as I take as much of him as I can. He struggles to hold back. His panting only gets louder as I work him over, the sounds of his pleasure driving me forward.

    Will looks down at me as I swirl my tongue over his tip again, teasing him and doing my best to make sure there''s a hell of a build up. I¡¯m going to make sure he remembers this. Slowly I torment him, bringing him to the point where he can''t possibly handle anymore, and then I go ahead and take every single bit of him into my mouth again.

    He grabs my hair, gently balling it into his fist and moving me at the pace he wants.

    My eyes water a little, and I try not to gag as he thrusts his hips. He''s going to be sorry he ever suggested that I might not be up to this.

    "Izzy, I''m not going to last much longer here," he says, "fuck, that''s incredible."

    He lightly holds the back of my head and moves in time with me as I continue to suck and pump him from the base with my hand.

    "Oh god, Iz, keep doing that," he begs.

    I move my hand a little faster, gliding my mouth over him until I feel him begin to spasm, his attempts to quiet his moans are pointless, I know he loves this.

    Leaning into him, I take his length as far back into my throat as I can, allowing him to let go.

    "Shit Isobel," he cries as he completely unravels, burying his hands in my hair as he unloads into my mouth. I swallow it down the moment the salty mixture hits my tongue, not something I usually do, but I need to savour every single drop of him.

    Will continues to wither under my touch until he''s completely run dry, then when he''s finished, I lean back and let him see me wipe at the corner of my mouth with my thumb, holding his eye and daring him to repeat what he said out in the hallway.

    "Okay," he pants, glistening with sweat. "Point proven."

    Taking my hand, he helps me to my feet. "I don''t even want to know where you learned how to do that Isobel," he says.

    Giving him a minute to tidy himself up, I desperately attempt to smooth out my hair. That grip was something else. I then quickly dust the knees of my jeans down before reaching for the door.

    "We should probably head back out," I say, now feeling a little anxious, "Sarah is going to be waiting for me."

    "What? Not a hope in hell," Will says, pulling me back to him. "I''m not sending you out there all needy into a bar full of guys. I''ve seen how they''ve been looking at you Izzy, there¡¯s been eyes all over you tonight."

    "What makes you think I''m needy Will?"

    "I guess I''ll have to find out for myself won''t I?," he says as he wraps his arms around my waist.

    His insistence makes me giggle, but I really don''t want to risk Sarah coming to look for me and finding the two of us here of all places.

    "No really," I insist, "she won''t be happy if she finds me with you like this, I better get back.

    Besides, won¡¯t your friends be looking for you to start soon?¡±

    I can''t hear music playing anymore, so I can only assume the torture has ended.

    "You really won''t stay?," he asks. His wicked smile almost tempts me, but one of us has to remain logical.

    "I''ll be here after the show," I tell him, "don''t worry, you''ll get your chance.¡±

    "I''m holding you to that," he says. "You''re going nowhere tonight until we''re even."

    God I hope so.

    Will plants a kiss on my cheek before we leave, I can feel it linger on my skin as we step out into the hallway, walking right into the path of the bartender that was serving earlier on. His gaze shifts from Will to me and back again.

    "Will, c''mon man, again?," he asks, raising his palm out like he''s waiting for an explanation.

    "Sorry Dan."

    Will flashes him a smile, but the barman only seems to get more annoyed. He pushes passed us into the storage room to find whatever he needs. Will then notices the look of horror on my face, and his smile quickly fades.

    "Again?" I question.

    "No no no, wait that''s not what it sounds li-"

    "You''re an asshole Will," I spit.

    Turning away from him, I¡¯m gone in a flash, pounding my way back down the stairs and through the corridor, finally spotting the women''s restroom. I have no idea how I missed it on my way in.

    I push my way inside, still hearing voices coming from the corridor as the door closes behind me. I¡¯m sure I hear my name a few times, and if I¡¯m right then it can only be Will so I choose to ignore it. He can go and fuck himself for all I care.

    After awhile there¡¯s nothing but silence as I stand and look at myself in the mirror, entirely mystified by how I fell for Wills charm. What the hell have I done? I should have listened to Annie and Sarah. They warned me about this and yet somehow I still let him make me feel like I was special. What a colossal douchebag.

    And what a colossal idiot I am for falling for it.

 Chapter 18

    By the time I get myself cleaned up and back out to the bar, Will and the rest of the guys are already up on stage getting their instruments and equipment set up.

    "Hey!" Sarah calls over the crowd. "What happened to you?"

    Picking up my drink, I take one look at it and down the whole thing. I''m so pissed I could cry, but I know I owe Sarah a nice time, so let¡¯s aim for drunk instead.

    "Sorry, I couldn''t find the bathroom," I say before shaking my empty glass at her. "Do you want another?"

    "That''s funny," she says."Adam and Alex were having some trouble finding Will too." She watches my face for any signs of telling. I know exactly where she''s going with this, I''m screwed.

    Sarah is relentless when she''s suspicious. I once kissed a guy in high school and didn''t tell her about it. A few weeks later I said hi to him at the grocery store and it must have came out a single octave higher than normal or something, because she would not stop questioning me about it until I told her everything.

    I cock my head towards the stage, ignoring whatever she''s implying."Looks like they found him."

    "Yeah, but you know what?," she says, "I could have sworn that I saw him follow you to the bathroom Iz. But it must have been by chance that the both of you went missing at the same time right? I mean, it''s not like he''s been staring at you like a dog in heat all night or anything,"

    Her eyes zero in on me. She''s always so to the point.

    "Your hair is a mess by the way sis,"she adds,"someone have their hands tangled in it?"

    Sarah takes a sip of her drink as a satisfied grin spreads across her face. She knows she has me now.

    "My hair is fine Sarah!," I snap. I still quickly comb my fingers through it though, finding some more little knots and trying to loosen them. "As for Will," I say, "I don''t know what to tell you, he was probably somewhere with that girl."

    "Nope," Sarah chimes, elongating the word needlessly and making a popping sound with the P.

    "She was right out here with me. Oh you know what? You were right by the way, shes a delight!"

    "Thats great, anyway, a drink,?" I ask again, dodging her digging.

    "Ugh, yes!,¡± she says, "we can get a drink Izzy, but only after you tell me what you think you''re doing."

    "I''m trying to enjoy my night with you," I say, "but you''re not making it easy."

    "I meant what do you think you''re doing with Will?"

    Damn she''s insistent.

    "I wasn''t with Will," I tell her, "I''m not doing anything with Will, and I won''t be doing anything with Will in the future. Happy?" At least the last part is true.

    Obviously she¡¯s not happy. Sarah wants me to spill my guts, but I''m not giving in, so there''s little she can do about it. I leave her there to chew on it and head to the bar myself.

    My gaze can''t avoid the stage as I wait to be served. I feel Will watching me, waiting to get my attention. When I give him a quick glance, he mouths something at me, I''m half sure it''s ''talk later'', but I scrunch my face up in disgust and turn back to the bar. He can''t talk his way out of this, now or later.

    I quickly make the decision that I won''t be drowning any sorrows here either. I''ve promised Sarah a good time together and I''m going to deliver. This night should have been about the two of us anyway, so when I get back to the table with our drinks, I paint on a smile and make ''fun Izzy'' my whole personality.

    "Oh fantastic!," Sarah says, taking her drink from me. She begins to tell me all about some new position Mark was promoted to at work. Typical Mark, we ride here together, talk half the evening and he never even mentions it. The man couldn''t boast if his life depended on it.

    Mark works his ass off. He''s a mechanic by trade, but he''s moving towards electric vehicles now.Sarah tells me that an opportunity came up for him to manage a few technicians and oversee the work they do. It''s a nice step up for him, so he should be bragging.

    Sarah has worked part time at a publishing house for as long as she''s had the girls. She likes it, so plans to go full time as soon as they''re both a bit older. It''s great to see things working out for them. It was a bit hectic for a while when the girls first arrived, but they always said it was all part of the plan.

    We cheers to Mark when he gets back, I give him a bit of a hard time for not telling me his good news, but I keep it to a minimum because I know that Sarah won''t ask me any more questions about Will with him here, so I don''t want him rushing off.

    Things are just about ready to start on stage. Mark tries to shush Sarah and I as if we''re in a movie theatre, I''m undecided on it being annoying or adorable.

    There''s another guitarist up there on stage with Adam and Will, I''ve no idea who, possibly the guy Will mentioned before, the one they''re looking to try out.

    All the voices and noise around me fades away as I hold my breath when I see Will approach the mic.

    A single guitar begins to strum, the lights on stage stay low and Wills voice fills every speaker in the bar, completely surrounding me. It''s soft and melodic, exactly as I recall it. It drives me insane.

    I want to be repulsed by him, I want to hate him. Instead I''m imagining listening to that voice for the rest of my life. Over these speakers, low moans in my ear, I don''t care which.

    Will pauses as the music stops, taking a look out at the crowd, a smile spreads across his face. He enjoys this more than anything else in the world and it shows.

    The drums kick in as the lights go up and the whole place literally erupts. Wills stage presence is enchanting. He has an unbelievable amount of charisma. That cocky demeanour of his makes all the sense in the world right now. He''s a showman.

    The bodies cramped onto the sorry excuse for a dance floor are short of crushing each other as they bounce around. There''s a huge amount of people singing along, they know every word. That''s what Will said he loved most, its got be an amazing feeling.

    The atmosphere is like some sort of stadium concert. There''s loud relentless guitar patterns, wild drumming and a whole lot of crowd interaction. It''s actually really exciting to watch.

    If our positions were reversed, and I were up there knowing that he was watching me, I''m not so sure I''d be able to perform at my best. It really is a testament to how well he''s mastered his craft.

    The band plays a few songs of their own and then they start to pepper their set with a few covers. Of all the songs I expected to hear, an almost comical ''Let''s Hear It For The Boy'' wasn''t one of them, but Sarah and I got to squeeze in some Footloose dance moves all the same.

    At this point, both Sarah and I have gotten a bit heavy handed with the drinks. I''m pretty buzzed, so I have zero qualms about getting up and dancing with my sister. I owe her a lot of my time, so I''m making sure she gets it.

    We dance and sing together, making up for the last few weeks apart. Sarah pulls Mark up with us for a little bit until he backs away laughing, he''s not a big dancer.

    Eventually we move back to the table for a breather, almost worn out. We get another round of drinks and sing along from the table.I check my watch to find that Will and the guys have been on stage for nearly two hours already. Wills hair is drenched with sweat and his shirt is stuck to his body. It''s impossible not to look at.

    The music dies down as Will then takes centre stage and commands the full attention of the crowd in front of him. He pushes his hair from his forehead and pulls the microphone from its stand.

    "Wow!," he yells to the crowd. "Thank you all so very much for coming out to see us, is everybody having a good time?"

    There''s a loud roar of cheers from the dance floor, followed by whistles and applause.

    "We''re Small Edit as you might already know." More cheers follow on from that, Marks being one of the loudest. "We have one more song lined up for you guys," Will says, "and then I''m afraid that''s all from us for tonight."

    There''s an audible disappointment from the crowd that Will shamelessly plays up to.

    "We''ve never done this one before, we normally finish with one of our own, but sometimes it¡¯s good to get a taste of something a little different," he says as he smiles. People at the front shout up at him, calling out names of songs they want to hear, but when he catches my eye and holds it just a little too long, I cant help but wonder what he''s up to.

    I suddenly feel a harsh tug on my arm. Sarah''s there, her lips pursed, something tells me that look from Will just told her everything she needs to know.

    "Oh you have some explaining to do lady," she says.

    My mouth runs dry, oh no.

    The stage lights turn up one last time and the starting cords of a very familiar song kick in. Sarah''s eyes light up.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    "Fuck it!," she says, "Tell me later, right now you''re coming to dance with me!"

    We''re like two kids on Christmas morning, squealing as she drags me into the depths of the dance floor right as the first few lines ring out.

    "She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean,

    She was the best damn woman that I ever seen."

    Drunken me couldn''t be anymore excited right now. Sarah and I have loved AC/DC since we were kids, Will knows this, I know I told him. He couldn''t have chosen this song for me surely? No way, he''s been mad at me all week.

    Whatever it was that made them pick it, I''ll take it, because this is exactly what Sarah and I needed.

    As we dance, Sarah leans in and tells me how happy she is that I came out. I pull her into a big hug as we sway together singing along. She half shouts into my ear that as soon as the song is over we''re going outside, she wants to know everything.

    Not in a million years sis.

    I spot Mark and sloppily beckon him over, curling my finger at him.

    "Here," I tell him, "dance with your wife!" Twirling her around, I smoothly hand Sarah over to him.

    "Marky!," she screams as he tries to protest. My job here is done.

    I sneak off to get my jacket from our table so that I don''t have to explain anything to Sarah just yet. I think I''d like to to hold onto this secret a little longer. I''m probably at my limit here for drinks too, because the floor has a spin to it that I''m positive it didn''t have earlier. I don''t want to get too messy, this week has been a long one for me, so it''s smarter to get going now and sleep it all off.

    I hang back at the table for a minute more, watching Will and the band play out the rest of one of my favourite songs. The crowd here are eating it up, but the guys are just having fun with it. It''s fantastic.

    They finish up and I hear Will thanking everyone for coming along again as I make a beeline for the door. He must be on cloud nine after that.

    There¡¯s not a single cab out front just yet, so I go ahead and request an Uber on my phone. I walk a bit further up the street, moving away from the bar incase Sarah or Mark come outside looking for me. I also shoot Sarah a message to let her know that I was feeling a little drunk so went home. I make sure to thank her for a great time too. We will absolutely be doing it again.

    "And just where do you think you''re going?"

    That smooth as silk voice catches me from behind. Will. Still drenched with sweat, still gorgeous.

    I know exactly where I''m going, but what is he up to? He shouldn''t be out here immediately after a show like that.

    "I could ask you the same thing," I say, "why aren''t you celebrating after that performance."

    "Is that a compliment Isobel?"

    "Am I not allowed to give those?"

    "Well it''s a far cry from calling me an asshole," he says.

    "You are an asshole," I counter, "just an insanely talented one."

    "You''re going to feel really silly when I tell you what Dan was actually talking about."

    The reminder of my earlier embarrassment sends a hot flush to my cheeks. No matter how magnetic he was up on stage, I''m still mad.

    "I think you''ve followed the wrong girl Will," I tell him. "Go back in and see if you can convince Ashley to fuck you backstage, I won''t be."

    "That''s very crude Isobel," he says, furrowing his brows at me but keeping his smile in place.

    My cheeks redden a little more, I do have a mouth like a sailor when I''m drinking.

    "Don''t be embarrassed," he says, noticing my pink hue, "I like that you have a dirty mouth, obviously."

    That wipes the sulk right off my face. I better steer this conversation to safer ground.

    "I was trying to Houdini before Sarah gave me a pop quiz on why we went missing together earlier," I say, "She''s been at me all night.

    "She noticed?"

    "She sure did. Sarah would find a needle in a haystack in less than a damn a minute, she''s like a bloodhound."

    "Alex noticed too,¡± Will says, "Don''t worry though, I told him I was only gone so long because you were giving me the best blow job I''d ever had in the supply closet."

    My eyes bulge, he didn''t?

    "I''m kidding Isobel!," he says with a laugh. "Well, not about it being the best I''ve had."

    "If you think compliments on my technique will stop me being mad, you''re wrong, I know exactly what I bring to the table in that regard Will."

    "Wow, check you out," he jeers. "I don''t think I''ve seen you cocky about anything before. I''m intrigued¡­"

    "And you''ll stay that way I''m afraid. You''re running out of time to tell me this explanation that you mentioned," I say, waving my phone at him. ¡°I''ve just hailed an Uber, looks like you have exactly six minutes."

    "An Uber? While drunk and alone? Do you not watch any true crime Isobel?"

    "I''m not that drunk," I argue, "and I can handle myself."

    We both know that''s not exactly true, but thankfully Will stays polite and says nothing.

    "Let me give you a ride home," he offers.

    "I doubt Adam or Alex would be very happy if you just left them in the lurch to clean up all the equipment, or Mark for that matter."

    "I''ll talk to them. Frankie''s in there too. He can help, they won''t mind."

    "Was that the guitarist you wanted to try out?," I ask.

    "The very one. He was good right? I think we''re gonna go with him."

    "He was. Really good actually. He''s a great choice, but really you should go back in. I don''t need a ride... or anything else."

    "I''m not letting you get in an Uber when my car is right there Isobel," Will insists. "I''m taking you home."

    He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a set of keys and pressing a button to unlock the red BMW that sits right beside me. How convenient.

    "You''ve been drinking," I remind him.

    "Non-alcoholic, just like every time we play," he says. "I don''t want to mess up, so I don''t touch anything until after."

    That''s dedication, I''ll give him that.

    "Don''t you want to go back in and start your after then?," I ask. "You guys were great, you should be celebrating, honestly I''ll be fine."

    "I''ve done shows like this one hundred times Izzy, I''ll do a hundred more. I''ll only get one chance to take you home right now though."

    Oh god. Who could say no to that?

    Me. I can, I have to!

    "No thanks Will," I say as I turn away and continue my way up the street. I hope that will be the end of it, but needless to say, he follows.

    "I''ll tell you why you shouldn''t be mad at me," he teases.

    I huff as I come to a stop. "Can''t you just tell me now?"

    "I could," he says, "but I won''t. Not unless you get in the car."

    It''s hard to resist that carrot as he dangles it in-front of me.

    "C''mon, just say yes," he says. "Otherwise I''ll have to follow your Uber driver and that''s gonna'' be awkward for us all."

    I begin to waver, I do really want to know what the barman was talking about, but I don''t want to compromise myself anymore than I already have.

    "No funny business?," I ask as I eyeball him. I''m not sure how much I trust him.

    "Promise," he says, "just a ride home."

    "Alright," I give in, "if you''re sure. Thank you."

    Will opens the passenger door of his car while I quickly cancel the Uber and climb in.

    "Back in a minute," he calls over his shoulder, heading back inside.

    While I wait, I pull the tiny bag I took with me onto my lap, taking out my compact and touching up the powder on my face before reapplying some lipgloss. Flipping down the mirror on the visor, I check my hair before closing it back up and sitting back.

    Did I just freshen up for myself or for Will?

    When he gets back to the car a few minutes later, I notice Will has changed himself into a white t-shirt, and that his hair looks like he''s restyled it too. As he climbs into the driver seat, the smell of fresh cologne wafts through the car. Clearly he took a minute to clean up too. I smile to myself, knowing full well that if I did it for him, then he must have done it for me.

    Will drives us out onto a busier street. The lights overhead blur passed me as I look out the window, I can''t tell if I''m actually drunk or just floating on air by being here with him. It''s annoying that he can make me feel like that.

    He''s completely unable to contain his excitement about the performance.

    "So did you like it?," he asks.

    "The show? Oh it was unbelievable," I tell him. "I feel like I''ve missed out on seeing you guys all of this time."

    He rolls his eyes at how oblivious I am.

    "Not us Isobel, the song!"

    "Oh my god!," I practically gush. "AMAZING! Did you see the crowd?"

    "I saw you," he says.

    "Oh no, I bet I looked like some sort of fan girl."

    I cover my face with my hands, mortified that he caught a glimpse of Sarah and I dancing.

    "No that''s good," he insists. "We love to see people getting into it. I was worried that song wouldn''t work out, but I really wanted to do it."

    "You did a great job, I wouldn''t worry. People were crazy for it."

    "Thanks, I''m glad you got to see it."

    ¡°Even though you didn¡¯t want me to come?¡±

    Will hesitates, biting his bottom lip before telling me something.

    "I actually knew you were still planning on coming tonight,¡± he admits. ¡°Sarah told Adam a bunch of times. She was really excited to bring you along."

    "I see. So you wanted me to hear it?," I ask.

    "Of course I did, I chose it for you."

    Wow. To say that I''m bowled over would be an understatement, so much so that I have to try and hide the fact that I''m getting emotional about it.

    "You... you''re um... you''re really talented Will," I say.

    All other words seem to fail me. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me.

    Will sits quietly, smiling to himself while I start to blabber on about how fantastic the night was.

    "Did you see Sarah," I ask him, "Gosh she nearly pulled my arm off to get to the dance floor! I thought she was about to faint like girls used to do around The Beatles."

    "Yeah? It was her sister I was shooting for, but a Tully is a Tully right?"

    "Hey!" I say, playfully swatting his leg. My stomach is flip flopping. I have to remind myself that I''m still mad at him just to make it stop.

    "So what happened to that girl Ashley?"

    I''m genuinely not trying to be a bitch when I ask, but I am curious.

    "I think we both had our eyes on someone else tonight," he says, holding back a smirk.

    My eyes light up from the information he''s just given me.

    "No!?," I say dramatically. "You mean to tell me the great Will Mc Don Juan was being used to make someone else jealous? You must be distraught!"

    "Remember the bassist she kept mentioning?," he says with a chuckle.

    "Oh my, I take it you''re heartbroken of course?"

    "Sure, something like that," he says sarcastically. "It worked out in her favour anyway, I saw them leave together just before we started."

    "Oh. Well good for her."

    I''m not too sure how I actually feel about Will using someone else like that, even if she was doing the same thing. I don''t know what kind of person it makes him.

    As if he can read my mind, he answers the question I''m asking myself.

    "I saw an opportunity to get your attention and I took it Izzy," he says. "If Ashley was someone that I thought was genuinely interested in me, I''d of never done it. I know I was being a bit of dick trying to make you jealous, but I dont know, I think I just needed to see if it mattered to you."

    "Oh. Well I guess you got your answer huh?," I say.

    "I did. And I think it''s just made things a whole lot harder."

    With no real way to respond to that, I go back to staring out the window as Will keeps driving. I''ve never felt so happy but so sad at the same time.

    He''s right, needless to say. We did make this harder, and I hate it because now it feels like there''s an ''either/or'' decision to be made.

    Before tonight, there was a line, it was a little faded, but it was there. What I did back at the bar has moved us way passed that line now.

    I had no entitlement to my jealously. Will is single, he can do what he wants, with that girl Ashley or whoever. It''s me that''s the problem here. I should have controlled myself. It was only days ago that I decided I loved Jamie enough to try work on things, and now not even a week later, I''m the one that''s messed it up. My whole heart feels like its sinking.

    "Get out of your head Izzy," Will says, breaking my spiralling thought pattern.

    He''s trying to watch me and the road at the same time. I''m sure he knows exactly where my mind is. I make the effort to take his advice all the same, the drive to my apartment is a short one, I can wait until I''m home to beat myself up about all of this.

    Speaking of home, all I can see out the windscreen right now is a sea of black. I''ve no idea where we are. This isn''t the route I''d of taken, there''s normally streetlights and buildings just about all the way back to my apartment block.

    "Where are we?," I ask, squinting to see if I can recognise anything.

    "I''m taking you somewhere," Will says, keeping his eyes on the road.

    "What? You said straight home? I have to go."

    "Did you tell him you were on your way back?"

    "No, but..."

    "Well then," he says softly, "we have time."

    Will reaches across and places his hand on my knee, keeping it there as we drive and leaving a heap of untangle-able knots in my stomach.

    Somehow, I don''t think even an eternity of time with him would be enough.

 Chapter 19

    I seem to be sobering up the longer I¡¯m in the car with Will, or at least I''m less drunk.

    We¡¯ve been travelling for the best part of an hour, but I¡¯m still no closer to figuring out our destination. It seems like we¡¯re in the middle of nowhere when Will stops into a little pullout on some kind of abandoned road, there¡¯s not a light in view bar the headlamps of his car. Turning off the engine, he plunges us into darkness. I step out onto road to get a better look at my surroundings, more curious now than ever.

    "This way," Will says, motioning to me as the car door shuts behind him. He walks in the opposite direction, leading me towards some trees. The low rustling sound of leaves makes it seem as though they¡¯re whispering to us as we make our way through. It should probably feel creepy, but not with Will.

    "Where are we?" I ask, swatting a branch out of my face.

    "You''ll see," he says. "You''ll love it, trust me."

    "Trust you? That sounds ominous."

    "You wouldn''t have got out of the car if you didn''t Isobel."

    I can still hear the humour laced in his voice as I traipse behind him.

    "Well, you did promise to take me home and instead were here," I point out. "Wait, is this your first strike?"

    "I didn''t say I''d take you straight home, so no. No strikes for me just yet."

    Will stops as he reaches the edge of some bushes, letting the moonlight settle on his face and light up all of his features. I''m so busy staring at him that it takes me a minute to realise where we are.

    The sound of the water hits me first. It must be the fish jumping through the surface, because otherwise the water is so still that it resembles a sheet of ice. With all the greenery hanging so low I couldn''t see it at first, but now I know exactly where we are.

    "Shadow Lake," I say aloud.

    "You''ve been here before?"

    "Yeah, my family came here all the time when we were kids."

    Will walks us right out to the edge of the water, laying down a picnic blanket on the grass. I hadn''t noticed him carrying it.

    "I suppose you just happen to have one of those in your car huh?" I ask pointedly.

    "You don''t?"

    I do actually, so he has me there.

    Standing by the lakeside, I take in how pretty the water is with the moon reflecting off of it. It¡¯s been years since I''ve been out here, but it still looks the exact same.

    Will steps up behind me, placing a hoodie over my shoulders. "Don''t want you catching a chill out here," he says. It''s far from cold, but as soon as I catch his scent off the fabric, I wrap it around me that bit tighter.

    "Watch out!" he warns as he suddenly grips my arms and pretends to push me into the water. I let out a strangled yelp before he pulls me back, laughing to himself. He keeps a hold of me, snaking his arms around my waist from behind and hugging me closer to him.

    "So before you ask," he says softly, "No, I don''t bring other women here, and I never have. I also have no expectations while we''re here either, I just wanted more time with you Izzy. Is that okay?"

    I nod my head. The feeling of his skin touching mine leaves me with a tingling sensation. My eyes softly close, savouring it before he speaks again.

    "And, the reason you''re going to feel foolish about the whole thing with the supply closet is because I once got so drunk that I fell asleep in there, that''s why Dan was so aggravated when he saw me."

    I turn my head so I can see him.

    "You''re serious?"

    "As a heart attack. I woke up the next morning when the cleaner came in. I was so stiff that I couldn''t lift my guitar strap over my head for a week! Poor Dan got his ass handed to him over it, he was the one who locked up the bar the night before. It was a couple years ago now but, he still holds a grudge."

    "Oh. Um... I..."

    "You''re sorry?," he says for me. "Thank you, I accept your apology."

    Will is beaming from ear to ear in a way that would be grossly arrogant from anyone else.

    Thankfully, he doesn''t gloat too much and gestures for me to take a seat on the blanket.

    "In my defence," I say as I sit down, "both of our sisters consider you a bit of a man-whore, so I think it could have went either way."

    Will finds my revelation hilarious.

    "Wait they said that? Both of them?"

    "Yes! They say they''ve never seen the same girl around you twice. I thought I was joining a long list of names."

    "I''m a little offended you don''t trust that you might know me better than that," he says as he plonks himself down beside me.

    "Know you better than your own sister? After so little time?"

    "Fair point. And I suppose in a way shes not wrong, but she''s not entirely right either. Her or Sarah. There''s plenty of girls I''ve seen more than once."

    "Plenty?" I ask.

    "Several. But that part doesn''t matter, the point I''m making is that it''s not a constant rotation like they''d have you believe."

    "So you do date?"

    Wills eyes shift to the side as I notice his body stiffen.

    "I... yeah, I mean, not exclusively," he says, "but it''s not like I''d simply have a girl over for the night and never see her again. Maybe sometimes, but I''m not a complete asshole."

    "Okay, but how come none of these girls have made it past the dating stage?"

    "It wasn''t for me," he says with a shrug.

    "Which one? The girls or the relationship?"

    "Seems to be both," he says, trying to laugh it off, but I see his smile fade as he stares off out at the lake, looking like the weight of the world just fell on his shoulders.

    I don''t push him anymore on it. I may be putting two and two together here and getting six, but I think the life Will leads now has a lot to do with how things ended with his ex girlfriend, and it''s not my place to pry for that information, as much as I might want to. Instead we sit and enjoy the lake together, neither of us feeling the need to fill in the quiet.

    I like being here with him, but this whole thing is a mess. What happened tonight was completely wrong, I cheated on Jamie, regardless of what spin I put on it. Yet when I look at Will, I feel a whole lot less guilty about it.

    If anything, the fact he just told me that he doesn''t want any kind of relationship should hammer that final nail in the coffin for me. I made a choice with Jamie to see this through. And I know if I keep messing around with Will, there won''t be anything there with Jamie to salvage.

    Will obviously doesn''t want the future I want. I may not be sure if I want marriage or kids or anything yet, but I know I don''t want to end things with Jamie just to become another notch on Wills bedpost.

    A sudden thought pops into my head. Oh god, is that what we''re really doing here? To continue what we started earlier? I can''t do that now! How do I tell him I''ve changed my mind? Will he be angry at me?

    "I told you I had no expectations coming here Izzy," he says, breaking the silence and almost making me jump out of my skin. "I can feel your panic from over here. All I want is to be in your company, like I said already."This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

    "How did you know what I was thinking?," I ask.

    That''s the second time tonight he''s guessed it. Am I that much of an open book?

    "You scrape at your nail beds when you''re worried about something," he says, "I noticed it the day I met you. I took an educated guess at what that worry might be right now."

    Looking down at my hands, I realise the skin around my nails is now raw. I''m in desperate need of a manicure. Balling my fists tight, I tuck them into the pockets of his hoodie so that I can''t continue the self mutilation.

    "I''m sorry," I tell him. "It''s just th-"

    "It''s just that you regret what happened tonight, and you feel bad that you did it and you don''t want it to happen again," he says. "I get it, but please don''t beat yourself up about it Izzy, it changes nothing."

    Wills kindness is still something I''m not quite used to. He''s the sweetest guy I think I''ve ever met, although he hasn''t got it all quite right.

    "I don''t regret it," I correct him.

    "No?"

    "Not at all. I feel bad, and I fucked up and I feel like a slut right now, but no, I don''t regret it."

    "You''re not a slut Izzy," he says. "I put you in a bad position and I shouldn''t have. I should''ve let you walk back down those stairs and nothing would have happened. So if you don''t want anything like that to happen again, then it won''t."

    Will gives me a sad smile before reaching for my hand and squeezing it between his fingers.

    "I thought you were going to hate me," I say.

    "Hate you because you want to be loyal to your boyfriend? No matter how much I dislike him, or want you, I don''t think I could be mad at you for that."

    How can any one person be this perfect?

    "That''s a relief," I whisper, trying to swallow down the emotions that have bubbled their way up.

    All my worries simmer down and I try to relax and enjoy being here with Will for now. Although I do feel like I have to make one more thing clear to him.

    "Will, just so you know, I have never ever cheated before. I know you said that you don''t think I''m a slut or whatever I said, but I still need you to know, it''s not something I go around doing, it''s just..."

    He squeezes my hand again. "I know, I''m just really special." A stupid smirk spreads across his face as I roll my eyes.

    "You''re such an ass," I say, pushing him away as he laughs at me.

    The funny thing is, there really is something special about Will. It emulates from him. I''ve known him such a short amount of time and yet he knows my deepest secret. And better still, he doesn''t treat me any differently for it. He''s seen me at my most vulnerable, panicking on the street, and not once did he make me feel like he felt sorry for me. He pushed me through it. There¡¯s never any sympathising looks or attempts to wrap me in cotton wool.He wants me to expect better for myself. He''s angry for me, and that feels so much better than sad.

    Will clears his throat, and I look up to find a solemn expression on his face.

    "So look," he says, "I''d like it if we could be friends, but I''ve got to ask, how would that even work Izzy? A friendship between you and Annie is one thing, I''m an entirely different story I imagine."

    I sigh and let my head rest into my hands. This is just another complication in a long line of them. I think back to Zach, and what an innocent text message brought his way. Would it really be any different with Will?

    "I did kind of tell him about you" I admit. "I mentioned you as Annie''s brother though, I didn''t get into any kind of detail."

    Will tilts his head a little and picks at a blade of grass beside him. I understand his caution, but at the same time, this is crazy. I told Jamie that he wouldn''t be deciding what I do anymore, that includes choosing my friends. He''s going to have to suck it up and accept the things and the people I want in my life. Like it or not.

    "Y''know what?," I say, straightening myself up, "Let me deal with Jamie. This was all part of the deal if I went back, I decide who I see."

    "Izzy, as much as I admire that, please don''t put yourself into a risky situation for this, I don''t want anything happening to you because of me, it''s not worth it."

    I''m torn between wanting to defend Jamie and the promises he''s made to change, and also wanting to reassure Will as his last few words sink in. I go with the latter.

    "You are worth it Will," I tell him. ¡°I''ll look after it."

    Will scoots himself closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder as I rest my head on his chest."The most important thing to me is that you stay safe," he whispers quietly.

    "I will," I reply, hoping that it''s the truth.

    ??

    Will and I sat on the blanket like that and talked for what felt like hours. I asked him a million questions about his life.

    He told me how he broke his foot in the forth grade and then lied to his parents about it. He said he tripped over a curb, but in reality he and some buddy''s were jumping off a friends garage and he didn''t want to get anyone in trouble. He mentioned that he doesn''t like mayonnaise, not for the taste or the texture, but for the fact he saw a deli worker drop a dirty cloth into it once and they didn''t change it out. He hasn''t eaten it since.

    He''s never tried calamari. Or had a professional massage despite constant muscle pain in his shoulders. He called his pet goldfish flounder, and cried for two days when it died. His birthday is May forth. He''s never watched Star Wars but smiles like he understands when people say ''may the forth be with you'' on the day anyway.

    I soaked up every scrap of information that he gave me, saving them into my memory like little treasures.

    At some point my eyes started to drift closed and he wanted to take me home, I wanted to stay.Part of me was afraid that this would be the last time I''d get to be alone with him like this. Another part thought that it should be.

    He dropped me off at the corner near my apartment block, waiting until I got inside. Within seconds I got a text message to say goodnight.

    I already missed him.

    ??

    I slept half the day away before Jamie gently knocked on the bedroom door and poked his head in to wake me.

    "Hey," he says gently, "it''s almost noon. Would you like to go get some lunch?"

    I almost wish he was mad at me or something right now just so I didn''t feel so bad about last night. How messed up is that? I knew this feeling of shame would come and eat me up, but I don''t think I was fully prepared for it.

    For a second I wonder if this is what he felt like when he cheated, but I''ve no sense of justification, or feeling that I''ve levelled the playing field. Relationships aren''t about an eye for an eye. I gave him a hard time for the exact same thing I did last night, and I feel like dirt because of it.

    I contemplate just coming out and telling him, wondering what might happen if I did. Would he yell at me? Would he hurt me? I''ve never done anything this bad before... could he kill me?

    Alright, that''s a bit dramatic, but even still, I decide it''s not worth finding out anyway. I''m a little hungover and a lot emotional about it, so maybe today isn''t the best day for big decisions.

    I agree to lunch and drag myself to the shower, trying to wash every bit of betrayal from my memory, but it''s no use, I don''t think I could ever forget last night. I don''t think I want to.

    Before we leave I decide to send Will a message. I spend ten minutes agonising over what to say. I probably don''t even need to say much at all, but I want to make sure we''re still cool now that the sun has come up. I settle on a ''hope you got some sleep last night'' conversation starter and grab my bag, quickly deleting the sent message just incase.

    Jamie and I go to a nearby restaurant, I can''t stomach much so I just order the largest possible black coffee they have. He isn''t overly curious about last night, which is a relief. He only asks if I had a good time and wonders how late I got home at, I''m glad to know I didn''t stir him.

    I suggest that we take a walk around the park after lunch, and at one point Jamie reaches for my hand. I let him have it. I know it''s because I feel guilty, and not because I want to, in fact it makes me break out into a clammy sweat, but I owe him this much, don''t I?

    "You''re really quiet today Iz," he says, "Is the hangover that bad?"

    "Oh, no. I''m just tired I think, late night."

    "You''re not worried about tomorrow are you?"

    Christ. I haven''t had a single thought about going to my dads house until now. That''s another wave of anxiety that I could do without.

    "I''m trying not to think about it too much," I say, "I''m not looking forward to it."

    "It''ll be fine, I''ll be there the whole time, he never has much to say anyway"

    "Exactly, I never know what he expects from me. I feel like he only wants to physically see me so he knows I''m alive and then he can fulfil whatever parental duty he thinks he has until next time."

    "You and Charlie are complicated Iz," Jamie says, "at this point you should be restricting visits to the holidays like all the other messed up families."

    My eyes light up at the idea.

    "Y''know, it''s not often you say the right thing Jamie, but this could really be your moment."

    "Just don''t tell him it was my idea," he jokes.

    "Ah yes, the great Charlie Tully, striking fear into boyfriends and male companions of his daughters since lord knows when. I don''t know how he does it."

    "Hey," Jamie says, puffing out his chest like he''s some kind of pro wrestler, "I''m not afraid of him."

    "I''ll tell him you said that..."

    "He''d have to want to talk to you first."

    "Oh, you traitor!," I say with giggle. What a wise ass.

    These are the moments I enjoy most with Jamie. The effortless ones.

    We walk the park a little longer, stopping for some ice cream, my hangover becomes a lot more bearable after some air. Afterward, we head home and I get some chores out of the way before we decide to watch a movie. By eight p.m., exhaustion catches up with me and I can''t fight my desire to go to bed any longer.

    Jamie is sweet, giving me nothing more than a kiss across my knuckles. I was worried that giving him my hand earlier might have given him the wrong idea, but I was wrong. He knows me, he knows I''m not ready for anything more.

    In the privacy of the bedroom, I double check my phone, finding messages from both Will and Annie.

    Annie: Hey! Hope you enjoyed last night? Will said it was one of his best shows! Let me know your schedule next week, if you''re around you could come over to the bar one of the evenings? I''ve got some ideas I''d love to show you! Call me tomorrow! Xx

    I make a mental note to give her a call after my dads tomorrow to organise something. I''m intrigued by all her new plans for the bar.

    Will: Hi :) , yeah I got plenty of sleep! I chilled with Annie at the bar for the day. And by that I mean she hounded me about colour charts and seat covers. I think this menu update has spread to the whole place. What did you say to her about cocktails!?

    I reply to him, glad that nothing has changed.

    Izzy: Oh this sounds interesting! I hope she goes with my idea!I''m already climbing back into bed here, looks like I''m far too old for late nights. You must be SUPER tired if thats that case!

    Will: She''s obsessed with your opinion, she probably already has a drink named after you. Low blow on the old thing by the way, you obviously just wore yourself out somehow last night...

    Crap, he''s flirting with me.

    Izzy: Sure... somehow. I thought we agreed to forget about that? And the flirting!!

    Will: Forget about it? I don''t remember that agreement. There''s no way I''ll be forgetting it Isobel. Also, I agreed not to let anything happen again, that was it, I said nothing about not flirting with you.

    Oh god, I''m screwed.

    Izzy: Is this your kink? Torture?

    Will: You''ll find out... goodnight x.

    Izzy: night... x

    I guess he never did say he''d go easy on me. That''s fine, he can play that game all he wants. All I have to do is control myself.

    I can easily do that.

 Chapter 20

    Theres an annoying vibration in my head that wakes me up. It continues to buzz and buzz as my eyes struggle to open. Is that my phone? It has to be like two a.m. or something. Who the hell is that?

    "Hello?" I answer groggily.

    "Morning sunshine!" Sarah hollers. What on earth does she need in the middle of the night? I glance at my alarm clock on the night stand and get a bit of a shock. Okay so it''s not quite two a.m but it sure feels like it.

    "Sarah it''s six twenty in the morning. Why are you calling me?," I whisper, aware that there''s only a thin wall separating Jamie and I.

    "It is! But lucky for me I have two children who like to wake at the crack of dawn and ask me forty times if they''re going to see aunt Izzy today?"

    "Yes, they will, but please inform them that it will be at a normal hour, one where people are usually awake. Bye."

    "Ah, not so fast," she says before I can hang up. "I wanted to check something with you."

    "What now?"

    I instantly feel bad for my attitude, but I''m not a mom, so I haven''t siphoned the power of endless energy yet.

    "Are you alone?," she asks.

    "Why?"

    "I''m just wondering if I can be heard by anyone else?"

    "Do you mean Jamie? No, he''s not here, but if he was you''d have tickled his curiosity with your choice of timing."

    "Oh shoot, sorry, I wasn''t thinking," she says. "Actually you''re right, it is insanely early, where is he?"

    Uh oh.

    "He''s a morning bird just like you," I lie. "He went to the gym, I''ll ask him to let you know next time and you can go together."

    "That''s a hard pass from me," she says, "I''m not sure what would bore me to death quicker, him or the endless circuit he''d have me do."

    "Sarah! That''s not nice."

    "Yeah and he''s not interesting, boohoo," she says. "Who goes to the gym at six a.m on a Sunday Izzy? Honestly, is he a psychopath? I''m not calling you by choice right now I can assure you of that. Anna has an internal clock that tells her night is day and day is also day so I''m living in hell.¡±

    I suppose that explains the early wake up call.

    "What is it you need Sarah?," I ask impatiently.

    "Ugh, you''re so grouchy in the mornings. I''m just checking in that you''re still coming today?"

    "Yes, I said that already."

    "And Jamie?"

    "Yes."

    "Okay, so then I''ll need to know what you told him about Friday night?"

    "What do you mean?"

    She''s not getting this over with quick enough and my patience is wearing thin, I desperately want to go back asleep.

    "Izzy, do you think I didn''t notice that you and Will left at the same time?," she says.

    That shuts me right up.Of course she noticed, I''m such an idiot.

    I rub my hand over my forehead trying to think of an excuse, but it would be an insult to her at this point. She saves me the hassle and all but confirms that she knows we were together.

    "Adam said that Will told him he had to take care of something," she says. "So tell me, did he take care of it?"

    "Jesus Sarah, don''t be so crass!"

    "Oh don''t you dare pull that high and mighty card with me Izzy! I only want to know what I need to say to Jamie today if he asks me anything about it, that''s all. You can keep the dirty details to yourself, don''t worry."

    I''m more confused than anything. Sarah has been with Mark since high school, she would cut his appendage off and feed it to the dog if she so much as thought he might be cheating. Why is she trying to help me?

    "You don''t need to say anything," I tell her. "He knows I came home late, that''s it."

    "Okay, but what exactly is late? One? Two? Because if he were to ask me when you left, I''d say you went home just after twelve, meaning you should have gotten home before one, would that sound right to him?"

    I feel like she intensionally picked a time where my brain doesn''t function properly to call me about this.

    I let out a sigh."I was home a little before five. Happy?"

    "Right, and you''re aware the bar closes at three?"

    "I am now."I swear, I can literally feel her disappointment in me through the phone.

    "Fine, I''ll back you up and say we were yapping outside after closing if it comes to that. Mark isn''t a problem. He was black out drunk by the time we got home anyway, he doesn''t even know you left early."

    She''s really going out of her way to make sure I don''t get caught, it¡¯s so strange.

    "Sarah, why are you helping me?"

    "Because,¡± she says, ¡°I hope that if I give you some rope you''ll be able to think it over and realise you''re being stupid. You need to stop doing whatever you''re doing. But mostly I''m helping because you''re my sister. Sisters first."

    "You know I wouldn''t help you lie to Mark like this," I tell her. That''s no exaggeration either, Mark is like my brother, I couldn''t do it.

    "That''s because you respect him Izzy."

    Ouch.

    ¡°Is Jamie really that bad Sarah?"

    "The question you should be asking is if Will is any better? I''m helping you lie, but it doesn''t mean I''m happy about it. I think Jamie is a snooze fest and I''m still really bitter over the stunt he pulled with your job, but I don''t hold Will in much higher regard. He''s going to get what he wants from you and leave you high and dry, just like he does with every girl he meets, but I can only warn you of that."

    "He''s really not like that," I say in his defence.

    "Sure, you keep telling yourself that Iz."

    I feel an odd sense of duty to Will after our conversation on Friday night. A few days ago Sarah might have convinced me that he was no good for me, but now I know she''s wrong.

    "Look, can we not talk about this right now?," I ask her. "I love you, and if I could talk about it with anyone it would be you, but I can''t deal with it right now. Whatever it was with Will, it''s over okay."

    I know she can hear the strain in my voice, and thankfully she understands that it''s not the right time to ask me for anything more.

    "You know I''m always here Izzy," she says, "any time you need to talk, day or night."

    If only she knew...

    "I''m really sorry that you have to lie for me Sarah."

    "It''s fine," she says, trying to reassure me, "but listen Iz, I don''t want Mark brought into this, so you need to make sure Will doesn''t go blabbing about it. Marks morals are something I love about him, but damn if they aren''t inconvenient at a time like this. He''d kill Will if he knew, and he''d want you to tell Jamie."

    My stomach sinks. Tell Jamie?A horrible sense of panic settles over me at the thought.

    "No! Theres no way I''d tell him Sarah, please, it''s done and it won''t happen again. Ever!"

    "Izzy-"

    "No, I''m serious, it''s over. I made a stupid, stupid mistake and I won''t ever make it again. I swear."

    "Alright, jeeze! Calm down," she says, "I said I didn''t want him to know too didn''t I?"

    There''s an air of confusion in Sarah''s voice, but I can''t even begin to explain how important this is. It feels like my whole chest cavity could cave in right now.

    "I''ve got to go," I tell her, "I''ll see you at Dads. One o''clock."

    I hang up the call before she even gets to say goodbye. I¡¯m completely unable to shake this gripping feeling and I know exactly what it is. Only this time I''ve no Will to talk me through it.

    I rush into the bathroom and stand over the sink, clutching both sides. I think I might throw up.

    I try breathing in four counts but I can''t seem to make my brain realise that there''s no immediate threat. The dread claws away at me.

    I keep counting, willing myself to calm down while heaving in and out shallow breaths, I worry that I could pass out any minute so I sit myself onto the floor, pulling my legs to my chest, praying it makes me feel a little better.

    1,2,3,4¡­

    Rocking my body back and forth, I fight to get some sort of logic to my thinking. Tears sting my eyes and all I can do is let them come. I let it all come.

    ??

    An hour later and I still can''t seem to drag myself off the floor of the bathroom. I keep telling myself the panic has eased and that I can get up now, but a part of me wishes I could curl up and stay here for the day.

    So much for Wills book! Although I¡¯m not sure how useful I should have expected it to be considering that I never finished it and just shoved it into the back of my closet.

    I suppose it was crazy to think that this was going to be a one time thing. I''ve been under a lot of stress with this whole Jamie situation, and sneaking around with Will like I did isn''t going to help. Not to mention that the idea of going to my dads today makes me want to crawl under a rock.

    All the men in my life are a complication in their own right. It''s a wonder this didn''t happen sooner.

    When I finally get the strength to pull myself up, I feel like all I want to do is escape this apartment. Sarah can say what she wants, but a run doesn''t sound like such a bad idea right now. It know it would help to clear my head, so I pull on some shorts and go, leaving a note on the coffee table like always.

    As I run, I work on silencing my worries. All the what if''s and maybes. I focus on the things I can control, just like Wills book said, well, the one page of it I did read. Maybe I''m doing it wrong though, because I still feel weighted down by the time I finish up.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

    What was I thinking going to Wills show? Surely I knew something was bound to happen. Alright, I didn¡¯t anticipate how far things went, but I didn¡¯t go there with good intensions, not truthfully. What is it about Will that brings out the recklessly impulsive part of me? I love Jamie. I love him so much that I forgave the worst parts of him in order to make it work, and then I went and did the unthinkable like it was nothing.Why?

    By the time I get back home, Jamie is already up and cooking breakfast. "You were up and at it early Iz." His face scrunches up a little. "You okay?," he asks.

    "Yeah. Why?"

    "It''s just that you only run this early when somethings wrong..."

    It''s understandable that he¡¯d be concerned, I know because I actually only run this early when there''s something wrong with us, he just doesn''t want to come out and say it.

    "Everything''s fine, I''m just a bit anxious about today," I tell him. "You know what it''s like having to go over there."

    Jamie dishes up some eggs and adds a pile of spinach and mushrooms to the side of my plate.

    "I know you hate mushrooms," he says, "but they''re good for you, so eat up."

    "Tuna is good for you too but I don''t see you loading up on that."

    He sticks his tongue out in disgust.

    "You can''t compare the two, tuna is offensive."

    I laugh at how passionately he says that, like a child refusing their vegetables.

    After breakfast, I run to take a shower, hoping it resets my day. I stay in there so long that the water runs cold, but afterward I still feel as on edge as I did this morning. Wrapping my self up in a towel, I step out into the bedroom to find Jamie there too, picking out his clothes for the day. I''m still dripping water and a little cold, but I take a seat on the bed to give him whatever time he needs.

    Glancing over his shoulder, he realises that I''m waiting for him to leave.

    "Seriously?," he asks, "You won''t even change in front of me?"

    There''s a bite in his tone that I''ve come to know well, just hearing it makes me grip the edge of the bed cover in fear of what this might turn into.

    Noticing my alarm, Jamie drops his head and lets out a sigh. "That was shitty of me," he says. "I''ll grab my stuff and get out of your way, I''m sorry."

    "It''s okay," I tell him, trying not to let him see how worried I was. This has been a day from hell already and the morning hasn''t even passed yet.

    "It''s not okay, but I appreciate you saying it. Things will get better soon Iz," he says, "I promise."

    "What time is your appointment tomorrow?¡±

    It sounds like we both have a whole lot of hope pinned on this therapist.

    "Six thirty, I''m going to go straight from work. I''ll stay a little later and drive over, it makes the most sense. I''ll be home closer to eight."

    "No problem, I''m sure your dad will be glad of the extra time. How are things there?"

    "Well we got the legal documents sorted out. Dads still not happy with the delays it caused, but the launch won''t be pushed out by any more than a week, that''s the best we could have hoped for."

    "I wouldn''t worry," I tell him. "Your dad would have found something else to be unhappy about if it were on schedule anyway."

    "Exactly. Oh, uh actually," he says, shifting awkwardly, "he was asking about you. He''s wondering if you''d come over for dinner. I thought it might be a little awkward, given the last time you two saw each other."

    "It would."

    I''m not going to pretend I have any desire to see that man. I can already picture his gross smug face as he gloats about the fact I came back.

    "I''ll make up an excuse," Jamie says, "no doubt there''ll be some big party with this launch anyway, it may be easier to wait until then."

    I could wait a lifetime for it. Just the idea of being in the same room as Tom makes me feel a lot like I did this morning.

    "When is that going to be?," I ask, curious to know how much time I have to dwell on it.

    "Next month for sure, I can''t control the launch date, but I''ll make sure the party isn''t on your birthday." He winks at me then, making me feel like a schoolgirl and reminding me just how effortlessly attractive he can be.

    My birthday is on the twentieth, although I don''t do a whole lot for it these days. My mom used to throw a big end of summer party for me. Barbecue, bounce house, garden games, she went all out. I loved it.

    "Speaking of your birthday Iz," Jamie says as his face lights up with excitement. "Remember we were talking about taking a trip? How would you feel about Vegas?"

    "Vegas?¡±

    "Yeah! It''s only a four hour flight. You''ve never been right?"

    "No, it''s somewhere I''d love to see though."

    "Well there you go. I think you''ll love it," he says. "Flights aren''t that pricey, not that you need to worry about that. What do you think?"

    I think that we need to get the next few weeks under our belt before talking about a trip. But looking at Jamie with his face alight with happiness, how could I put a dampener on his mood?

    "It could be fun," I agree. "Why don''t we look at it in a week or two?"

    I''m sure that still comes across as excited. Not that I''m not excited, it does sound amazing, I''d just like to get a grasp on ''us'' before then.

    "Exactly what I was thinking," he says, "no point rushing it. Anyway, I''m going to go grab a shower, we need to leave a little after twelve okay?"

    "If we must," I mumble sarcastically.

    I really need this day to be over already.

    ??

    I normally bring my dad a plant when I visit him. He pretends to like it, lets it die and then I bring another the next time. It''s all part of our routine. I didn''t have time to pick one up this week though, so instead I bought a box of macaroons at a local food market just before we left. I should have taken that as an omen.

    Fidgeting in the passenger seat of Jamies car, I fear the thought of having Jamie around Mark and Sarah. I hope she hasn''t changed her mind about keeping the details of Friday night to herself.

    Jamies brow creases in the middle as he picks up on my discomfort.

    "I wish you wouldn''t let these visits stress you out so much Iz."

    "I can''t help it," I say, "there''s nothing enjoyable about being there. I should have told Sarah I wasn''t coming."

    The skin around my nails falls victim to my worry yet again, because I know what I really mean is that I should have gone alone.

    "He''s going to hate these stupid things too," I say, frowning at the macaroons. "They''re fancy, my dad hates fancy."

    "They''re just a token Izzy."

    "He''s going to think I''m trying to say something with them that I''m not."

    "Like what?" he asks, laughing at the fact.

    "Like that I think I''m better than him, he hates this stuff!"

    "Then don''t give them to him, you''re analysing it way too much."

    "But I always bring something."

    "How about this then," he offers, "think about it on the journey and then decide when we''re there?"

    "Is that your way of telling me to stop talking about the macaroons?"

    Jamie looks over at me, his lips pressed tightly together. I hate that he feels sorry for me.

    "It''s just my way of telling you to decide a little later, that''s all," he says.

    His eyes fall back to the road ahead, but he reaches over and gives my fingers a small squeeze, reminding me to keep calm.

    ??

    Pulling up to my dad¡¯s house, I spot Marks truck on the driveway. I always plan to get there ten minutes later than I say I will, making sure he and Sarah arrive before me. It''s too hard to try to talk to dad alone, we¡¯re clumsy enough about it when there''s other people there as its is.

    I can hear the girls running around inside as we come up to the porch, I couldn''t be happier that they''re here too. They''re a great buffer to have at times like this.

    Sarah pulls the door open with a big fat fake smile on her face for Jamie, as always.

    "Hey you two," she says, "Nice to see you Jamie."

    "Likewise Sarah," he replies, nodding his head at her.

    Likewise? I don''t know why they even pretend to stand each other.

    Sarah wraps her arms around me as we step inside.

    "Oh Izzy, are you cold?," she asks. "You''re shivering "

    "Yeah, a bit," I lie. I''ve been shaking like a leaf since we were five minutes out.

    "Close the door, the house is warm but honestly Izzy it''s still summer, how could you possibly be cold?"

    We''re ushered into the kitchen where the two girls are chasing each other around the kitchen table. I give Mark a quick hello before grabbing their attention.

    "Girls!" I squeal as if I haven''t just seen them two days ago. They run straight to me, hugging my thighs.

    "Yey, Izzy''s here!"

    Crouching down, I whisper into each of their ears, directing them to the chocolate that¡¯s hidden in the carrier bag Jamie''s holding.

    "Don''t even think about it ladies!" Sarah says sternly, scolding all three of us. "Chocolate is for after lunch!".

    The girls whine a little before going straight back to their game. Sarah eyeballs me like I''m one of them, but it was worth a shot.

    Looking around the kitchen, I take in a breath to prepare myself. "Where''s Dad?" I ask.

    Mark shoots a look Sarah¡¯s direction, and she suddenly becomes oddly quiet.

    "He''s just out back getting the barbecue lighting," Mark says, thumbing to the window behind him, but I don''t see Dad out there.

    "What''s going on?," I ask as my eyes shift between them.

    "Nothing," Sarah says. "He''s just getting something, he''ll be a minute."

    "I thought Mark said he was lighting the barbecue?"

    Jamies stands between the three of us, looking the most confused.

    "Who''s that with Charlie?," he asks, pointing to the back yard.

    Looking out the window again, I now spot my dad. He''s walking up the pebbled path toward the house with a woman. I know her, what''s her name? Denise? Wanda? She lives on our street for sure, I remember that much.

    "Did he invite the neighbours to this?," I wonder aloud.

    Sarah and Mark share their weird little glances again. This is getting annoying.

    "Look Izzy," Sarah says "before they come in, I should probably tell you-"

    "Donna!" I exclaim. "That''s her name right? I knew I recognised her."

    Dad and Donna come in through the back door, all chatter and laughter. Dad spots Jamie first, then me. A frosty silence falls over us all as the girls continue to run back and forth. Their laughter sounding entirely out of place now.

    "Isobel," Dad says, bowing his head my direction.

    "Hi Dad." force a smile. I''m ready to go home already.

    "It''s good to see you," he says. His face is red, as if he''s been walking in December frost. What''s he so flushed about?

    Turning to Donna, my dad looks between us, blabbering and tripping over his words before they''re out of his mouth. It''s not like him at all.

    My dad is normally quiet, maybe a little too quiet. His formidable presence takes up the room just as much as his silence does. I remember Emily once asked him if his moustache stopped his words from coming out.

    He''s always reminded me of the cowboys in the TV shows he¡¯d make us sit and watch as kids, all decked out in a checked shirt and some brown boots. All he''s missing is the hat.

    Donna quickly grows tired of his fumbling and decides to fill in for him.

    "I''m Donna," she says, offering me her hand, "it''s great to finally meet you Izzy, I''ve heard so many nice things about you."

    "Hi, yeah I remember you," I say, smiling back at her. "You live just down the street right?"

    "That''s right, I''m surprised you remember."

    "Are you kidding? You had the biggest trampoline in the neighbourhood!"

    "Oh gosh," she says with a chuckle, "that contraption? Thankfully that¡¯s long gone. My boys are all grown up now, although my oldest is due his first baby any day now, so I''m sure I''ll be starting a whole new collection of things like that."

    "Oh wow! Congratulations, you must be so excited."

    I feel everyone''s attentionon us as we chat, but it¡¯s not long before Emily starts doing some sort of dance routine that she want¡¯s everybody to see and Donna goes off to watch.

    Sarah pulls me aside into a corner.

    "So what do you think?," she asks, seeming apprehensive.

    "Think of what?"

    "Of Donna, Izzy. What do you think of Donna?"

    I shrug my shoulders, why is she so obsessed with this woman?

    "Yeah she''s nice," I say, "Are all the neighbours coming along? I thought this was just a family thing?"

    Sarahs face drains of colour and as we both realise that I''m still missing something. Dad approaches us before she can reveal exactly what that is. He''s holding the macaroons in his hands, Jamie must have gave them to him. I immediately wish I had left them in the car.

    "Um, Dad?," Sarah says, "Why don''t you talk to Izzy, fill her in on some things while I check on the food." As she scurry''s away, she throws my dad a pointed look, what is her deal today?

    "What is she being so weird about?," I ask, feeling a little fed up with all the secrecy.

    "Well... ah... well Donna and I... we¡­ we''re um..."

    It suddenly hits me. The looks, the awkward stares, all my dads babbling. How could I have missed it? I know exactly why he''s so tongue tied.

    "Is this¡­? Are you dating?".

    He reluctantly nods his head, blushing ever so slightly. ¡°Yes," he says. "We thought it was time to let you know."

    Time to let me know? How much time has it been?

    I don''t get the chance to find out, because he switches the conversation so quick it could give me whiplash.

    "Where in the world did you get these things Isobel?," he asks as he examines the box of macaroons like they''re alien to him.

    "They''re from a little store near our apartment. They''re really good. Have you tried them before?"

    He squints his eyes at me.

    "I can''t say I have Isobel, I enjoy the regular stuff, you know me."

    No, I don''t.

    "They''re just macaroons Dad."

    "You probably have em'' all the time at that apartment of yours. Do they still have somebody to open the door for you?"

    "No Dad," I say, gritting my teeth, "we never did."

    This is exactly what I said would happen. By the way my dad behaves sometimes, you''d believe he had grown up on some isolated farm where he worked twelve hours a day instead of on the outskirts of the city. He thinks it''s lazy to have people to do things for you, so hates the idea of a concierge in our apartment block. He acts like I have ten staff around me at all times. I swear he does this just to push my buttons.

    Tossing the box of macaroons down on the counter behind me, he continues the weird squinting thing, making me feel more and more uncomfortable. Luckily, it''s not long before Mark interrupts the chatter and orders everyone outside, it¡¯s time to start cooking.

    As we all filter out Mark grabs me by the elbow. "Not so fast," he says "I need you for a sec." He pulls me back into the kitchen, Sarah follows too.

    "What''s up?," I ask, feeling the worry build that this might have something to do with Will. I really hope Sarah kept her mouth shut.

    "Look Iz," Mark says, "Charlie was meant to tell you this himself, but we all saw how that went..."

    "Dad? Yeah, he told me, he and Donna are a thing. Its fine, what''s the big deal? Are you guys not okay with it or something?"

    Maybe they hate Donna and thats what all this craziness is about, although judging by the look on Sarah''s face right now, that''s not the case.

    "They''re dating?," she asks. "That''s all he told you?"

    She eyeballs me like I should have more of an answer, but yet again I''m left feeling a little lost.

    "Yeah, that was it. Why are you two tip toeing around me? What''s the problem?"

    "She''s his girlfriend Izzy, you understand that don''t you? They''re together."

    "Yes, I understand how dating works Sarah. So he has a girlfriend, big whoop, nobody expected him to stay by himself forever did they?"

    "And you''re okay with it?," she asks.

    "Why wouldn''t I be?"

    "Okay then, I guess that''s that. Lets go on out."

    Sarah brushes past me toward the yard, prompting Mark to reach over me and grab her arm, stopping her. He shakes his head with disappointment.

    "Now you''re behaving worse than he is," he says to her.

    Mark gives up waiting on Sarah to do the right thing, and decides he''s going to break whatever''s going on to me himself.

    "Izzy, your dad and Donna have been together for over a year, they got engaged a few weeks ago. I''m sorry that I''m the only one adult enough to tell you."

    I look to Sarah, waiting for her to tell me that he''s kidding, but she can''t even meet my eye.

    They''ve been together for over a year? And now they''re engaged.

    Why would he hide that from me?

 Chapter 21

    "Are you fucking kidding me?,¡± I yell, bringing all of the chatter outside to an immediate halt.

    "I know how it looks," Sarah says, biting her lip. "I''m so sorry Izzy, we should have told you."

    "You should have told me? Yeah, about a whole year ago Sarah!"

    Jamie rushes in through the kitchen from outside, my yelling must have drawn him in.

    "What''s going on?," he asks, "are you hurt? Why are you screaming?"

    Sarah''s eyes narrow in on him.

    "Nothing," she says, "Go back outside, this doesn''t concern you."

    Even when she''s so far in the wrong, she wouldn''t dare miss a chance to take a swipe at him, but I''m not allowing it.

    "Don''t talk to him like that Sarah!," I say, raising my voice again.

    She huffs in annoyance as I angrily fill Jamie in on what I''ve just found out. He''s as horrified as I am, but for whatever reason, Sarah continues to try and play it down.

    "You''re completely over reacting Izzy, why does it have to be such a big deal?"

    "Is that some kind of joke?," I ask her, "Do you think I''m just going to accept how totally insane this is? Because I''m not, not this time, you should have told me!"

    "You''re right Izzy," Mark pipes up in my defence. He then turns back to face Sarah.

    "I told you from the start that this was wrong," he says, "I told you the longer you waited it out, the worse it would be, and now look."

    "Oh thanks for taking my side Mark!," she snaps at him.

    "What side?," I ask dumbfounded. "There are no sides! It''s just you and Dad, living your little life together and leaving me out of it entirely. Like always!"

    "Oh don''t start with that stuff," she scoffs. "I knew you''d twist it all around, you''re freaking out over nothing."

    "Oh it''s nothing? So you''d be happy if the roles were reversed here Sarah? I assume that''s why you actively hid it from me for a whole year, because you thought it was nothing?"

    Sarah and I glare at each other as I hold out for more answers. Mark shifts his weight slightly so that he can stand between us, not once taking his eyes off of us incase one lunges at the other.

    "How long have you known they''re together?," I ask her.

    She doesn''t respond, so I turn my attention Marks direction, I know he won''t lie to me.

    "How long?," I ask again.

    "Since they started dating," he says with a sigh.

    "And nobody wanted to tell me?"

    "I don''t understand it myself kid, but it wasn''t my place."

    I look back to Sarah, utterly confused.

    "Why?"

    Her eyes flicker to the back door, she''s aware that everyone can hear us, including Dad.

    Now it''s starting to make sense.

    "He told you not to tell me didn''t he?" I ask. This is so typical of him, it''s like he wants to pit us against each other.

    "He didn''t do it to spite you Izzy," she insists, trying to lower her voice, but I''m not letting anyone off easy. She chose to do this, she can deal with the fallout.

    "That''s bullshit Sarah. Why else would he do it? Why do you think he would make you keep that from me? They''re engaged for christ sake."

    "Well maybe if you weren''t such a bitch to him all the time he''d have wanted you to know!," she spits.

    "That''s enough!"Jamies voice comes booming between us, and even here it makes me flinch. We both stare up at him wide eyed.

    "I''m sorry Sarah," he says, "but I can''t let you talk to Izzy like that. You know she''s not the one in the wrong here. Now I like Charlie as much as the next guy, but I''ll be damned if I let you put any blame on Izzy''s shoulders for the state of their relationship."

    Sarah''s mouth hangs open, but if Jamie is in any way worried about upsetting her or my dad, he certainly doesn''t show it.

    "She was eleven years old," he says. "Eleven. Can you imagine Mark blaming one of your girls if something entirely out of their control happened to you?"

    Sarahs lowers her eyes toward the floor, she has to have thought about that at some point.

    "She''s never so much as gotten an apology for it," Jamie continues. "So if she''s a bitch now, it''s because she has every right to be.Charlie should be grateful that she shows up here at all."

    There''s an air of silence as Jamies words sink in for everyone. He''s never stood up for me like that before. I honestly can''t believe it.

    Pushing past both Jamie and I, Sarah storms out of the room, stomping her way up the hallway before slamming her old bedroom door.

    "I''m sorry about all of this Izzy", Mark mutters to me as he squeezes by to follow Sarah. "I told them this was going to happen."

    I stand in the kitchen feeling shaken. There has to be some sort of explanation for this, because I can''t understand my dads logic at all. As hard as he could be to deal with, he was never intensionally cruel, but it''s hard to see this in any other light.

    Jamie rubs my arms trying to comfort me, but I can''t seem to swallow the anger that''s bubbling inside me. I need to understand. I need to know why my dad still rejects me after all these years.

    "Can you ask my dad to come in here Jamie? I need to talk to him."

    "Are you sure Iz?" Jamie asks. "We can leave if you want? Nobody would blame you."

    "No. He can''t keep doing this to me. It''s time he explained himself."

    Jamie nods, making his way outside without another word. After a couple of minutes, my dad strolls inside, holding a basket of vegetables like he hasn''t a care in the world. Without the awkwardness of having Donna there, he''s back to his usual self, silent and unreadable.

    He sets the basket down on the counter, paying me no mind before taking a knife from the drawer and slicing into some peppers.

    "You wanted to see me Isobel?," he says over his shoulder.

    "It would help if you''d look at me Dad."

    It''s unsurprising really. Even when it comes to having to talk to me, he somehow finds a way not to face me.

    "It would help more if you''d cut these," he says, tapping his knife on the edge of the basket. Ever since we were teens he''s left the onions aside for me or Sarah to chop up. He hates the way they make his eyes water. God forbid it might look like he was capable of showing emotion.

    Pulling open the same drawer he did, I grab a knife and slam it closed again. I stand right beside him at the counter, reaching past him to get a chopping board.

    The two of us stare ahead, looking out the kitchen window as we prepare the vegetables. Donna is running around, chasing the two girls while Jamie cautiously watches the barbecue. To an outsider, it could look like any other happy family. Pity I know better.

    As I peel the skin back on the onion, my eyes immediately begin to sting, but I don''t let out so much as a sniffle. I don''t want it to be mistaken as anything else. I continue to watch Donna as I chop. She''s running behind the trees and bushes, pretending the girls are too fast for her to catch. It¡¯s strange to me how someone so full of vigour ended out with someone as stiff and obstinate as my dad. I suppose she could be good for him, she might even take that stick out of his ass.

    The fact they''re engaged is the part I''m struggling with. I find it hard to comprehend that there''s someone in his life who I didn''t even know existed, and now she''s the other half of it. It further cements that I am nothing more than an after thought to him.

    I wonder if today was meant to be special?Was it some kind of occasion to celebrate their news? Have I ruined it by fighting with Sarah? If Donna hates me too, I may have to question if I really am the problem after all.

    I give up on scolding Dad before I''ve even started. He doesn''t deserve for me to be understanding or willing to forgive this, but I''m not spoiling whatever today is meant to be for them. He needs no more ammunition when it comes to blaming me for stuff going wrong in his life. And besides, I know there''s no hope at all of me getting what I need from him, so why bother trying?

    Out of the corner of my eye, I see a small smile creep across his face as he watches the girls pull Donnas hands and drag her toward the swing set.

    "She seems nice Dad," I say, breaking the frosty tension between us.

    "She is."

    He continues slicing.

    "Are you''re happy?"

    ¡°Yes Isobel,¡± he says with a sigh, ¡°we''re happy."

    Chopping these onions has started to send little streams of tears rolling down my cheeks, so I quickly brush them away and keep going, making sure dad doesn''t catch me as I do.

    "Well I''m glad you are," I tell him, "even if you didn''t want me to know about it."

    Dad places his knife on the chopping board in front of him and leans his hands on the counter. He takes a look at me for the first time since he came inside.

    "Isobel," he says, "I know I owe you an a-"

    I glance over, wondering why he stopped talking, only to see his frown deepen.

    "What is that?," he asks, straining his eyes at me again and shifting himself closer.

    "Do I have something on me?," I ask as I wipe at my face a little more, assuming its just some skin off the onion, but then I realise my mistake. I''ve wiped some of the make up off from under my eyes. Fuck.

    "Oh, y''know what?," I say, almost panic stricken. "My mascara is probably running, I bet it''s left streaks, I''ll go clean myself up."

    Rushing from the kitchen, I grab my bag before shooting down the hall to the bathroom. I hear my dad call after me, but pretend not to and keep moving.

    This day just keeps on getting worse.

    Dabbing some concealer under my eyes and over the remaining bruise on my cheek, I wonder how my dad even noticed it? The bruise is so slight now that you can barely see it. I don''t think anyone else would have batted an eye, so it''s bizarre that he of all people did.

    I set my concealer with some powder and head back outside, having my back up excuse at the ready.

    "Isobel?¡± My dads voice turns me around, he''s no longer the kitchen, but at the end if the hallway in my old bedroom. ¡°Come in here please,¡± he says.Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

    The floorboards creek under my feet as I walk towards the room, I don''t think I''ve been in there since I moved out. My dad has taken root by the window, gazing out at his flower bed in order to keep is back to me. I don''t pass the threshold, choosing instead to hover in the doorway.

    "Sorry about that," I say, "those onions can make such a mess. I''ll go finish up before the food is cooked."

    I attempt to leave and move back towards the kitchen, but I obviously haven''t convinced him just yet.

    "Come on in here," he says, "and close that door too."

    Everything he says sounds so demanding, it''s never been like Dad to ask for things politely.

    "Dad this is really unnecessary, it wa-"

    "Close it I said."

    I feel like I''m a kid again, not that I ever gave him much reason to have to scold me. But just like then, I do as I''m told.

    Sitting myself on my old bed, I glance around my childhood room. Everything is still the same. The pink bedsheets and band posters stuck to the walls make me feel like an intruder on my younger self.

    "What happened," my dad asks, keeping his back to me and his arms folded.

    "I told you, the onions."

    "The onions left a bruise on your face?"

    What a smart ass.

    He moves his hands, resting them on his belt. The sun coming in the window has to be hurting his eyes, but typical Charlie, he would rather squint and suffer it than and have to see me.

    The smartest thing to do is to give the same story I gave to Carol and Michelle. That way I''m not going to gaslight him by saying that he didn''t see something when he did. So that''s what I do, I give him the whole spiel.

    He stands silently for a minute, slowing nodding like he''s absorbing all the detail. Without being able to see him, I''ve no idea what he''s thinking.

    "So just to be clear Isobel," he says, finally turning around. "You''re telling me that you fell and didn''t put your hands out to stop yourself?"

    "What do you mean?," I ask.

    "I mean that it''s unusual to get a knock like that from falling forward. It doesn''t look like your knees or hands are scraped either, so why didn''t you try to catch yourself?"

    I just had to wear a sundress today didn''t I?

    "Dad, it was just a fall. I don''t know why, I don''t remember."

    He watches me for any tell tale traces of a lie, but he''s at a disadvantage there. From all his interactions with Sarah, he knows instantly when she''s lying, but not me. I stay defiant, looking him in the eye, holding the contact for the first time in years.

    He seems to be willing to accept my excuse, or at least not debate it. He moves for the door, ready to let it go, but when he gets there he stops, unsatisfied.

    There''s a spot of paint that he picks at on doorframe before his eyes wander the room. After what looks like some intense thinking, they finally settle on me again.

    "I uh¡­ I''m... I owe you an apology," he says. "For Donna. You and I don''t talk much so... well regardless, I''m... I didn''t mean to keep it from you."

    "Actually," I say, "I think that you did mean to keep it from me Dad, but I don''t know why."

    I swallow, trying not to get upset in front of him, this is the most he''s given me in years and I don''t want to ruin it.

    "Well I didn''t do it to hurt you like you said I did," he says.

    So he did hear me? No harm I guess.

    "Funny how it worked out that way anyway huh Dad?"

    I don''t think I''ve ever pushed back at him like this, but maybe it''s time he hears it.

    "Isobel, we don''t talk, you never come here!"

    "And I suppose that''s my fault too right?," I ask bitterly.

    "No. It''s not, that''s not what I said."

    All the resentment of the last fourteen years envelops us with all the things we never say to each other. I can''t seem to keep track of my feelings at all. I go from hating the things he did, to wishing that he''d love me the way I need him to in a matter of seconds. I don''t know how I''m supposed to talk to him about it.

    "I think I''m gonna'' go home Dad," I tell him, deciding that''s what''s best. "I don''t want to make today awkward for you or Donna."

    "You''ll stay put Isobel. Now look," he says,"it''s about time that you and I had a conversation, but I don''t think today is the day for it, agreed?"

    I nod my head.

    "Alright. I¡¯m going to try take the bull by the horns here as Donna says, and I''ll call you in a week or two, we can organise getting you back out here to see us both. Deal?"

    "You think Donna should be involved?"

    "She''ll make sure that I say everything I want to say."

    The man can be painfully cryptic at times. I find it hard to believe that anyone can make my dad do anything, but if he says that''s what he wants, then that''s it.

    "Sure, if that''s what you need," I say.

    "Good."

    I''m half afraid to breathe too heavily right now in case I knock over this house of cards. I''m shocked that my dad wants to make that effort, heck I''m floored that he even used the words ''I''m sorry''. I feel like the smart thing to do right now is to get back outside before he changes his mind.

    "Wait," he says as I make a beeline towards the door, "just before we go back out there Isobel, I want to be sure of something. Now I''m only going to ask this one more time.  You''ve never lied to me about anything important, so I trust you not to do it now¡­ That bruise right there, it wasn''t something to do with that guy of yours was it?"

    "Jamie?" I ask perplexed, but he''s aware that I''m not stupid.

    "You know what I''m getting at Isobel," he says.

    "No Dad. He''s a good guy." I try to come off almost offended that he''d even suggest it as he tries to stare me down in the hope it will make me admit something. I''m not sure how long I can take the guilt of lying to him like this, but thankfully he breaks first.

    "Alright," he says defeated, "If you say you fell then I''ll say no more about it."

    I feel a wave of relief hit me, I can¡¯t imagine what kind of hell this day would turn into if there were any more secrets spilled.

    Back in the kitchen, Jamie and Mark have taken over the vegetables while Sarah keeps watch over the food outside.

    "Jamie tells me you were a little worse for wear yesterday Iz," Mark says, "I didn''t realise you had drank so much.¡±

    My face drains of colour as he tosses the last of the vegetables into a bowl, ready to take them outside.

    "Oh yeah, I was pretty rough. I don''t have much tolerance anymore. It''s been awhile since I was out."

    "Well it was great to have you sis, I hope you''ll come keep that wife of mine company again soon."

    He and Sarah clearly didn''t waste any time making up. He heads out back with the vegetables, leaving Jamie and I alone, so I take the opportunity to fill him in on what happened with my dad.

    "Hey," I whisper. "We''ve a small problem."

    "What is it babe?"

    Jamie picks up a head of lettuce, placing it onto the counter before pressing on it and cracking the core. His arms flex under his t-shirt as he rips it from the leaves, making me feel that old flutter of attraction. I know it¡¯s down to the way he defended me earlier with Sarah, but getting excited over a head of lettuce? Get it together Izzy!

    I move past my distraction and focus on the issue at hand.

    "Dad saw the mark on my cheek," I explain, "he asked me if it was you."

    Jamies hands freeze. "What the fuck Izzy?," he says, "what did you say?"

    "Don''t worry, I handled it, but just incase he mentions it to you, I told him that I fell while out running. It made sense to stick to the same thing that I told Carol and Michelle."

    "What made him think it was me?," he asks.

    "He said my story didn''t add up, I think he was just being a dad about it, but its fine now," I tell him.

    Jamie bites the inside of his cheek as he stares out the window at my dad.

    "Thanks Iz, I know you shouldn''t have to cover for me."

    He''s right, I shouldn''t, but I do because I don''t know what would happen if my family found out about any of this. As long as it never happens again, they wont have to.

    ??

    When we all finally sit down to eat, I find myself sardined between Anna and Emily, as per their request. Dad, Jamie and Adam are together talking sports of some sort, while Donna and Sarah sit across from me. To say it''s awkward is an understatement. Dad would lose it at Sarah and I if we let our argument make Donna feel uncomfortable though, so we press on and keep the conversation going.

    "So Donna, can you tell me about the engagement?," I ask, "What did Dad do?"

    "Oh you know Charlie," she says, "Huge and extravagant!"

    She and Sarah share a laugh between them while I watch on confused, unsure if she''s joking.

    "Oh god Izzy, she''s kidding!" Sarah says, scowling at me.

    "No, of course, I knew that." I smile along with them, feeling like a bit of a gooseberry.

    "Poor Donna hasn''t so much as gotten a ring yet," Sarah says, "I keep telling him to hurry it up!"

    Sarah gets louder and louder as she finishes her sentence, making sure Dad hears her. He just waves his hand at her, acknowledging her point.

    "Oh don''t worry, we''ll get there," Donna says, giving my dad this knowing look as she smiles down the table at him, they really are besotted with each other.

    "Anyway Izzy," she says, coming back to her first point, "it was actually really sweet. We were walking my dogs out on the vacant land, you know where all you kids used to play when you were smaller? We sat down on one of the tree logs for a rest, and then he just came out and asked me right there, it was perfect."

    "That sounds more like Dad alright."

    I''m glad I know him a little more than I gave myself credit for.

    "What about you and Jamie there," she asks, "your dad says you guys are together awhile?"

    "Yeah, almost four years. We live together now, I''m sure he told you that too, it''s going well."

    "Wow, four years? Maybe there''ll be a double wedding," she says.

    Sarah lets out a snort that sends water shooting out of her nose and draws everyones attention as she starts coughing.

    "Oh... um, well..."

    They all sit waiting for my response, but I''ve no idea what to say.

    Jamie picks up on my inability to answer and thankfully jumps in, saving me yet again.

    "We''re still young Donna," he says, turning on his signature charm"we haven''t talked about any of that yet. I''m sure you wouldn''t want to show us up on the day anyway right?"

    I hope his deflection will move the conversation on swiftly, but we''re not that lucky.

    "Hey now," Mark pipes up good and loud while patting Jamies shoulder. "I hope you''re not holding out for something better to come along there Jamie, because you won''t find it. Isn''t that right girls?"

    "That''s right Daddy," Anna joins in. I don''t even think she understands what she''s agreeing with.

    "Exactly baby girl, you tell him!," he says, laughing away. "Well Jamie that''s it, Anna has spoken, the pressure is on you now."

    Poor Jamie doesn''t know where to look, he''s entirely surrounded by people who have no idea of the tension this topic has caused us. "Oh well, I- I don''t think that''s in our plans just yet¡­"

    He fumbles a little and then I spot my dads attention narrow in on him. Oh no.

    "Jeeze, leave the poor guy alone Mark," Sarah calls across the table. "They have plenty of time, not everybody is ready to marry a Tully woman right out of the gate!"

    "That''s because I took the best one," Mark says as he smirks back at her. She rolls her eyes, but the dimples appearing on her cheeks give her away.

    "Isobel doesn''t need a husband," Dad interjects, quieting everyone down. "She needs to go back and finish studying so she can do what she loves." He keeps his eyes on Jamie the whole time he talks. My neck could break with how quick I snap my head around to find Sarah.

    "You told him?," I hiss.

    If there wasn''t a table between us and two children present, I''d be on top of her right now.

    Sarah hastily announces that she''s going to get some more ice.

    "Izzy can you help me?," she asks, but I was already up and out of my chair before she finished her sentence.

    We''re not even into the house before she starts apologising.

    "Okay, I''m sorry, I know you asked me not to tell anyone, but he just kept asking and asking me why you weren''t working at the school anymore! I was still so pissed at Jamie over it all that I just came out with it!"

    "How long has he known?," I ask her.

    "Since like, a week or so after you told me?"

    "What? Sarah, this is why he''s such an ass to him!"

    "Well, I wouldn''t say that''s the only reason." she says.

    "Why then?" I furrow my brows, wondering if there¡¯s more.

    "He just never took to him that''s all."

    "Just like you," I say pointedly. I know Jamie is no saint, but this is all a bit unfair. "I get it," I say, "he''s no Mark, but he never even had a chance with you guys did he?"

    "I tried Izzy," she argues, "you can''t say I didn''t. Even Mark tried, he invited him out for drinks and for lunches but Jamie always turned him down."

    "So he''s a bad guy because he wouldn''t socialise?"

    "Nobody said he was a bad guy at all Iz, I don''t dislike him, I just don''t love him for you. But you know what, I gotta say, the way he stood up for you today made me see him a little differently."

    I feel like an idiot for ever telling Sarah what happened between Jamie and Zach. I thought I could trust her.

    "I''m never telling you anything again," I say as I huff like a disgruntled toddler.

    "That''s not fair! That¡¯s the only time I''ve ever said anything Iz. Look at all the other stuff you''ve told me over the years, I¡¯ve never opened my mouth about any of that have I? Not even to Mark. It was one slip up."

    I eye her cautiously, wondering if that¡¯s her way of hinting at the whole Will situation.

    "Let''s just get the ice," I say, moving past her to the freezer, but she takes hold of my arm, giving me those sad little eyes of hers that I struggle to stay mad at.

    "Look, about earlier, I''m really sorry Iz. I don''t know why I never told you about Donna. Mark was right, the longer it went on the harder it got, and Dad never told me why I couldn''t say anything. He just kept saying he wasn''t ready. I don''t even know what he meant by it."

    "It''s fine," I tell her as I grab a jug off the shelf above and start filling it. "And I''m sorry too," I say, "I shouldn''t have blamedyou, you weren''t the problem.¡±

    I shut the freezer door, ready to go back outside when she stops me again.

    "I can tell you''re worried that I might have said something about you and Will," she says. "But I swear to you, I haven''t told anyone and I won''t either. You¡¯ve nothing to worry about."

    She gives my arm a small squeeze in an effort to reassure me. I wish I could tell her a whole lot more about it right now, my mind feels like theres a tornado running through it.

    "You guys alright in here?," Jamie asks as he steps inside. The sound of his voice makes us both jump. Shit, how long was he there?

    "Yep, all good," Sarah says, "I''ll bring this out."

    She takes the jug of ice from my hands and squeezes past me, giving me one last look.

    Jamie hovers in the doorway, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

    "You two friends again?," he asks as his eyes follow Sarah back through the yard.

    "Yeah, we were just talking it out."

    "That''s good. This has been quite an eventful visit. I thought lunch with my parents was tough."

    "I''m sorry about my dad," I say, "Sarah told him what happened with the placement, I didn''t know."

    "No I know, it''s not your fault." He moves across the kitchen, wrapping his around around my waist when he gets to me. "Your dad doesn''t know you like I do Iz, but he''s probably not wrong in what he said either, maybe finishing your training isn''t a bad idea."

    "Really?, I ask, leaning back and staring up at him.

    "Yes. I have a funny feeling that the reason you haven''t gone back yet has less to do with timing, and a lot more to do with me. I don''t want that to be the case."

    Of course the reason I haven''t gone back is because of him. If I had things my way, I''d be qualified and teaching by now, but I''ve been too afraid to do it incase Jamie ruined it all again.

    "I could always look into it?" I suggest, curious to know if he really means it.

    "I think you should."

    "I might even be able to get a placement for this September, that is if you¡¯re sure?¡±

    It''s hard to contain my excitement, this is all I''ve ever wanted, and to put it on hold for this relationship was both a struggle and a huge sacrifice.

    "That sounds good to me," Jamie says with a smile.

    He''s spent the last few days doing everything he possibly can to show me that he''s trying, and I can see it, but today has truly blown me away. Jamie stood up and defended me, he''s comforted me at a time where he would normally have lost it, and now this. He could have been pissed that Sarah told my Dad, he could have blamed it on me and turned it into an argument. I half expected him to if I''m honest, but he didn''t. He tried to see things from my point of view, and it means the world to me.

    Before I can really think about it, I stretch up on my tip toes and press my lips to his. It''s neither passionate or very long, but it means more to us than anything else right now.

    "I love you Iz" he whispers, pulling me into him.

    "I love you too."

 Chapter 22

    Over the next few days, I spend every free minute I have trying to figure out if I can get a placement to finish my training. It consumes my every waking thought now that Jamie is on board.

    I got in touch with the college right away, and they told me that all I had to do was complete the teacher preparation program since I already had my degree. It was exactly the break I needed. All going well, this time next year I could actually be teaching music. It feels like a dream.

    If I get a spot, I''ll only be doing the training a couple days a week, along with some evenings at the college. It means I can continue working at Strings & Things part time so that I still have some sort of income. I don''t have enough in savings to study full time for the year, so it makes the most sense for me. All I''m waiting on now is a call to confirm that there''s actually a school available for me and thats it, its all systems go.

    Jamie had some big developments himself this week too. His first session with the therapist was on Monday.

    I tried not to pry too much, but it sounded like it was tough from the little he did share with me. His doctor agreed that he should start some anger management classes like we wanted, so he''s going along to his first one tonight.

    I''ve made use of the time he''ll be out and made plans to meet Annie at the bar later. It sounds like she''s got her foot to the floor with the changes she''s decided to make, but between trying to organise school and work this week I haven''t been able to talk to her much about it.

    I called Will while I was at work on Monday to tell him my news, he was really happy for me. He said it was great that I was chasing the things I wanted. Unfortunately I had to cut the call short because a customer was looking for my help, and I haven''t heard from him since. I''m trying not to over think it. It''s only been a few days, and he''s certainly not beholden to me.

    Bizarrely, I also had a call with somebody else that day too. Donna.

    My dad had her call me to check if I was alright after the way things went on Saturday, and also to see when I might be free to come over and talk. I''m not sure how he expects to do that at all if he needs Donna to call me for him, but I''m willing to give it a chance. I told her I''d check my diary over the next few weeks and let her know. I want to get all this stuff with school straightened out first.

    At work, the two ladies have been like proud mothers with the idea of me going back to finish my studying. I definitely saw Michelle wipe away a tear when I told them. They''ll need to hire someone to cover the days I''ll be dropping, but thankfully they''re happy to do it.

    Carol cornered me at one point to tell me how proud she was that I''d stood my ground with Jamie. I know she doesn''t have the full picture, but it felt really good to hear it.

    Come six o'' clock I''m itching to get going to see Annie, we''ve so much to fill each other in now that we may be talking all night. I grab my stuff and rush out the door in the hope I don''t get caught in traffic on the way to the bar.

    Giving Jamie a quick call on my way, I wish him luck at his first class. He sounds agitated as we talk, but I''m sure it''s just nerves. This is new to him, and bound to be uncomfortable. Things are moving in the right direction for us though, thats what matters.

    Pulling into the carpark beside Benny''s, I spot Wills car. Annie didn''t mention that he''d be here, not that it should make a difference, but knowing that he is gives me this weird fuzzy feeling my stomach.

    Annie literally yelps when she sets eyes on me coming in the door. She grabs me, pulling me into a hug so big that you''d never think we had met only a couple weeks ago.

    "Come on," she says, bubbling over with excitement, "lets go to my office, I''ve so much to show you!"

    We make our way through the kitchen, dodging people cooking and carrying plates of food as we go.

    "The first thing I''m doing is knocking out the wall on the other side of the bar," she says, "It will give access directly back to the office, so no more having to come through here. I feel like I take my life in my hands whenever I walk through this kitchen."

    "Can''t say I disagree," I say, ducking under a tray of hot soup. How she''s survived this long I don''t know.

    "I hope it''s okay that it¡¯s just us?,¡± she asks. ¡°I sent Will out with Adam to collect some samples. I don''t know when they''ll be back but I did mention that you were coming over so Will probably has Adam hightailing it back here already."

    "I''m sure I don''t know what you mean," I say as I glare at her, "But of course it''s fine, I''m here to see you. I hear you''ve been making some big moves. What''s going on?"

    I take a look around her office, it''s filled with sample textiles and paint cards. She really has been a busy bee.

    Annie begins to talk me through all of her plans, mentioning that after our lunch last week she went home and looked at every single detail of how the bar was running. She says that she realised they were essentially just keeping her dads bar going, rather than making it their own. Annie thinks now is the right time to do that, and I couldn''t agree more with her.

    She seems to be aware of the risks. The money that comes in here is enough to keep both her and Will comfortable, but Annie says she needs to do more to feel fulfilled while running things. She wants to make something of Benny''s. I can''t imagine having this much responsibility and having to make such big decisions, but she''s taking it all in her stride.

    We look though the different paint and fabric samples that shes considering. She intends to completely redecorate, only making small tweaks to the menu instead of the overhaul she originally planned for. Benny''s is well known for its food, so I think the ''if it ain''t broke don''t fix it'' approach shes taking now is the right one.

    "Isn''t this all going to cost a fortune Annie?," I ask.

    "Definitely. I have a meeting with the bank on Friday. Will and I can finance some of it ourselves, but we''re going to need a loan for the majority"

    I''m well aware that this is not my area of expertise, but from a customer point of view, places like Benny''s are a dime a dozen right now. Putting her own personal stamp on things could really make it great.

    "I hear you''re entertaining my cocktail idea?," I ask excitedly.

    "Oh yes! I bounced it around with some of the girls here and they all thought it was great. I think we''re going to do a ladies night like you said, or at least something along those lines."

    "That''s fantastic, you''re really grabbing this with both hands Annie, go you."

    I''m proud of her for getting out there and going after what she wants. She has an insane amount of drive, thats for sure.

    "Is there anything I can help with?,¡± I offer. ¡°I don''t know much about hospitality, but this all seems like a lot work for you."

    "Yes! There is something actually," she says. "I''ve colour samples coming out of my butt and all I want to do is pick grey. I can''t do that here, can you imagine the staining?"

    Ew, it really doesn''t bear thinking about.

    Annie pouts at me, resembling a child rather than a woman who''s single handedly bossing the hell out of this.

    "Can you help me pick?," she asks, pushing her bottom lip out a tiny bit further for full effect.

    "Let''s see what you''ve got. And put that lip away! I said I wanted to help didn''t I?"

    We pour over all of her choices for easily two hours. Annie even had someone drop us in some fries to keep us going. In the end we''ve chosen a medley of navy, oak wood and brushed gold for the trims and finishings. I think the finishings may have tipped her over the edge budget wise though, because it means everything right down to the finger plates around the light switches need to be replaced.

    "I think you''re going to need to recalculate costs before you go to the bank Annie," I say as we exchange worried glances.

    Great, my help has actually cost her money.

    "The accountant is coming by tomorrow," she tells me, "she''s going to kill me. Here I am selecting the finishing touches when I haven''t even fully priced the equipment for the kitchen yet, it''s a total guesstimate."

    "You''re going to have to close the place for a while too right? Have you accounted for that?," I ask.

    "Yeah, I thought maybe three weeks, but judging by all if this I''ll probably have to double it. I''m starting to think that this could all be a little much for one person. Will is helping, but he has no more of a clue than I do... Maybe I should get a project manager?"

    "Can you afford one?," I ask, looking over everything we have in front of us and trying to mentally calculate it.

    "Maybe if I sell an organ. But seriously, I don''t think I have a choice," she says, "I''m way too spendy for this kind of stuff, I''ll need someone to reign me in."

    "It sounds like you''ll be busy for the next while."

    "Who isn''t I guess¡­ Wait! Oh my gosh!" Annie exclaims as she jumps up out of her seat, "I completely forgot! Why have you let me go on about this for hours when you have such big news yourself?"

    "Aww, Will told you about the teaching programme? I wanted to tell you myself."

    She giggles sheepishly.

    "Sorry doll! It''s what you get with siblings. Tell one, you tell the other."

    "Hmm, I''ll have to remember that," I mutter. I really hope that it isn''t entirely true for those two.

    Annie claps her hands excitedly, moving the sample books aside. "Okay, so tell me everything! How did this all happen?"

    I have to explain the whole visit to my dads house to her, and about the pointed comment he made towards Jamie that resulted in him suggesting I go back and finish my training. She makes a face like there''s a bad smell in the room when I mention the last part though.

    "What?" I ask cautiously.

    "No, it''s nothing. It''s great news," she says.

    "But?"

    "Well it''s just, I don''t know, doesn''t it seem like Jamie permitted you to do it, rather than you deciding?"

    I''m taken aback by her view on things.

    "No.¡± I say, clearly offended. "No it''s not like that, I''ve always intended on going back Annie."

    "When?"

    "I don''t know? When the timing was right."

    I''m suddenly feeling very defensive, does Annie not think that I''m capable of making a decision for myself or something?

    "So, the timing just happened to be perfect when Jamie was good with it?," she asks. "Do youreally not see what I''m saying here?"

    I shake my head at her, refusing to admit that Jamie still has all the control.

    "I''m sorry," Annie says as she reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. "I don''t mean to sound like I''m not happy for you, I am, I''m so happy. I''m just not very trusting of Jamie, you can understand that right?"

    "Yeah... no I know..."

    She was never going to be a fan overnight right? I need to remember that.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

    "Do you mind if I ask how everything is there now?," she questions. "With you and Jamie?"

    "Um, it''s good, it''s okay I mean. No, it''s better."

    I''m confusing myself here, Annie has thrown me off. I¡¯m now left wondering if I¡¯m being delusional about things and asking myself if I¡¯m still somehow under Jamie¡¯s thumb.

    I take a breath and start again. "It''s good," I say, "he''s trying. He started therapy, actually he has an anger management class tonight too. It''s way too early to say that anything is a success, but I''m hopeful." At least I was hopeful, until two minutes ago.

    "Well that''s something," she says, letting her sadness for me ooze from every pore.

    "You think I''m stupid don''t you?,¡± I ask, ¡°Just like Will."

    She hesitates. That''s a yes.

    "No, I think you love him," she says, "there''s a difference."

    "Yeah? What''s that?"

    "The difference is that you won''t see that you''ve been stupid until you''re not in love anymore."

    Not in love anymore? Does she really think thats what''s going to happen?

    "Annie my eyes are wide open this time," I insist, "I''m doing things on my terms. I''m being careful."

    "Izzy, I''m not judging you, not at all. I just want you to be safe and be happy, but I don''t know for sure that you can be both of those things with Jamie."

    I can''t help but be angered at what she''s saying, but I know that if the shoe were on the other foot, I''d likely feel the same. Right now Annie is pretty much one of my only friends, it''s good that she cares this much for me, but it also makes me think about the future of our friendship, and what that may look like.

    "Can I ask you something?" I say, biting my lip and feeling nervous of the answer I might get.

    "Anything," she says.

    "What''s it going to be like when we''re all together? Surely there will be a time when you and Jamie have to be in the same room. Would you be okay with that?"

    Annie sits down into her office chair, tapping her fingers on her desk while she mulls over her response. The silence makes me so uncomfortable that I feel like I have to fill it.

    "I''d completely understand if you couldn''t Annie," I say, "or if you didn''t want to, it would obviously makes things a little harder but I''d get it. I''m kind of already expecting that scenario with Will actually¡­"

    Annie raises her hand to shush my blabbing.

    "You know, I hadn''t really thought about it," she says. "I mean, it could be awkward sure, but in regards to Will, I don''t think what Jamie did to you would be his only reason for not wanting to be around him, you get that right?"

    "Yes."

    She thinks Will won''t want to see Jamie and I together as a couple, and I imagine she''s right.

    "I think I could do it though," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "I don''t love the idea but I''m sure there will be times that it can''t be helped, and in those times I''ll just try my best to give him a wide birth and suck it up."

    "That''s probably the most I can hope for right?"

    "Yes," she says, "but hey, it''s just another reason why I''m so much better than Will."

    Annie''s self flattery is interrupted when the office door is pushed open and both Will and Adam stroll in, laden down with boxes.

    "Speak of the devil," Annie mumbles as she gets up to examine the supplies that just arrived.

    "Well hey there college girl!," Will exclaims, rubbing his knuckles on my head.

    "Hey, watch the hair." I say as I comb my fingers over the area he''s just messed up.

    He throws his eyes over his shoulder, Annie and Adam are already engrossed in conversation about whatever is inside one of the boxes. He leans in making sure only I can hear him.

    "Personally I think it looks better a little roughed up."

    Not this again, why is he so insistent on torturing me?

    "Don''t do that here," I say quietly, pointing my eyes towards Annie.

    It''s awkward enough that I pretend nothing has happened between Will and I, I''m not going to be so blatant about it to flirt in front of her too. Not that she''s taking any real notice.

    Will and I watch as she and Adam talk, but there''s something different about the way she is with him. She''s touching her hair and smiling a whole lot.

    "Am I missing something here?" I ask Will.

    "Not really," he says, "they think I don''t know that they''vebeen enjoying each others company the last couple of months, but I mean, clearly you can see how I''ve managed to figure that one out."

    Will twists his face in mock disgust, they are being painfully obvious to be fair, and it is his sister. But personally I''m a little shocked, I can''t believe Annie never told me.

    "Why haven''t you said anything?" I whisper, not wanting to interrupt them.

    "Because they haven''t told me. When they want me to know, they will."

    He shrugs at me as if the most logical thing here is to simply play along with them.

    "Do you have a problem with it?" I ask, unsure how to read him.

    "No, they''re both adults, they can do what they want, I actually think he mellows her out a bit if I''m honest. It''s good for her. Unless he fucks it up."

    "Then what?"

    "Then I''ll have a problem with it."

    He goes quiet after that, keeping the arcane details to himself.

    I watch Annie and Adam out of the corner of my eye as they very openly gush over each other, I cannot wait to ask her about this!

    Will clears his throat loudly, forcing them out of their little bubble.

    "Well if you two are quite finished," he says, "I''m going to have to get out of here. It''s getting late and I have to come back first thing tomorrow to open up, thanks for that by the way Annie."

    Annie sticks her tongue out at him. No matter how old we get, siblings will always behave like siblings.It''s abundantly clear that neither Adam nor Annie want to finish up their little meeting though, and Adam goes ahead and makes it all that bit clearer.

    "Um, I''m going to give Annie a hand with these tiles before I go," he says, "they''re pretty heavy."

    He lifts one side of the box to demonstrate his explanation, but unfortunately for him, it rises with ease.

    "Aren''t they individual samples?" Will asks, smirking at them and trying to make it as difficult as possible. What a little jerk. I decide to jump in and give them the break they''re looking for.

    "Y''know, I actually didn''t realise the time, I''m gonna'' shoot too if that''s us done for the evening Annie?"

    "Yeah sure no problem," she says, almost too eager to get rid of me. "I''ll finish up here, Julie is closing so we won''t be far behind you."

    Annie is literally beaming from ear to ear right now. I''ll need every single detail of this thing they have going on, but for now they can have their privacy.

    "I''ll call you tomorrow," I tell her. "I wanna'' know how the meeting with the accountant goes."

    "Okay, I''ll talk to you tomorrow Izzy, bye." She doesn''t even look at me as she waves me off, her eyes are firmly on Adam. Will was right, it certainly wouldn''t have been hard to figure out.

    As Will and I leave together, he pulls the office door closed behind him.

    "I''d be worried they wouldn''t even notice if I left it open," he says with a grimace.

    "Ew! Of course they would! At least I hope they would."

    We walk side by side out toward the carpark, his hand brushing mine with every other step. It feels intensional, but I''ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

    It''s a little after nine, so I imagine Jamie is long home now. I should really be getting back, but I can''t shake the desire to get more time with Will, my heart sank a bit inside when he said he was leaving.

    We both hover at my car, neither one willing to admit that we''re not quite ready to leave each others company. I perch myself onto the hood, grasping at straws with small talk.

    "So... you been busy?," I ask. It''s embarrassingly obvious, but it''s all I''ve got.

    "A bit," Will says, "Annie''s really sunk her teeth into this renovation, it''s like I''m her personal assistant. You had any luck with the placement search?"

    "Not yet, I applied to any openings there were with the college, all two of them. They¡¯re both a bit of a distance away, but I''ll take what I can get. It''s just a case of keeping my fingers crossed now."

    "It''ll happen for you," he says definitively, "I''m not worried."

    I know he doesn''t actually know that, but it fills me with confidence just hearing him say it.

    After that it''s almost like we''ve run out of things to say to each other, but judging by the way Will is looking at me now that we''re alone, it''s not talking that he''s interested in anyway.

    He cocks his head to the side, making no secret of the fact he''s now leering at me. I can feel his eyes literally devour me, I try not to meet them incase they work whatever magic they have on me.

    "You shouldn''t look at me like that Will," I say.

    A devilish grin sweeps across his face.

    "Like what?"

    "Like I''m your next meal!¡±

    He moves closer to the car, mischief written all over him.

    "Maybe I like doing things I shouldn''t do Isobel."

    There''s no missing that innuendo is there?

    Will places a hand either side of me on the hood, leaning in so that I have to lean back just to keep a bit of space between us. I balance my weight onto my hands as he plants himself right between my thighs.

    "What are you doing?," I ask as I look around in a panic, but there''s nobody else here. Having him this close to me only spells trouble.

    "Just getting a better look at the menu," he says as his gaze wanders south.

    What he wants is obvious, and I''m finding it very very hard not to hand it over right now.

    "You''re making this very difficult Will," I protest. ¡°We had an agreement.¡±

    "I know, but damn if I don''t I love to see you blush Izzy."

    His face is inches from my own when I catch a glimpse of the windows at the side of the bar, remembering that Annie is still in there.

    "They''ll see us," I whisper, but I still make no real effort to stop him.

    "See what?" he says. "You said you didn''t want anything to happen, so theres nothing for them to see... not unless you say so."

    "Me?"

    In an instant Will runs his hands up my thighs, gripping my ass and sliding my body down the hood of the car to his. I can feel him through his jeans as he presses himself against me, sending the pulse between my legs into overdrive.

    "Yes, you Isobel..." he says, brushing my mouth with his. "If you want anything more than this, you''re going to have to ask for it."

    That torturous fuck.

    Every single inch of my body tingles. I can''t pretend that there''s any part of me that doesn''t want him to kiss me right this second. The question sits on the tip of my tongue when a loud chiming from my pocket startles us both. It''s like somebody has set off a fire alarm, and now the sprinklers are dousing any and all heat in their path. I can''t tell which one of us is the most frustrated by it.

    I pull my phone from my pocket to silence it, but find Jamies name flashing on the screen. Damn it.

    I''m not sure what to do, and the second Will picks up on my indecision, he knows exactly who it is.

    He sighs, separating himself from me and taking a step back.

    "You better answer it," he says.

    There''s no annoyance in his voice, and normally I wouldn''t dream of it, but I remember how off Jamie seemed earlier, and now I''m worried that tonight didn''t go well.

    "Are you sure?" I ask, "He had his first class tonight, he''s probably just checking in."

    "Yeah, you don''t want him wondering if somethings wrong, answer it."

    I feel like I don''t have a choice given the circumstance, so I answer the phone, sliding myself off the hood and turning my back to Will as I do. There''s something a little too personal about it, and I wouldn''t be able to look at him while talking to Jamie after the position we just found ourselves in, literally.

    "Hey Jamie," I say as I press my phone to my ear, "are you okay?"

    "Yeah, I''m just wondering when you''ll be back? It''s getting late."

    ¡°I''ll be home soon. How was the class?"

    "It was fine," he says, sounding a little disheartened, but I assume that''s to be expected. "Where are you? Still with Annie?"

    "Yep, still at Benny''s."

    I debate saying what I do next, but if I''m planning on running my own life and proving it to the likes of Annie, then now is as good a time as any.

    "I''m just about to leave actually," I say, "I ran into Will in the car park. We were just catching up before I go."

    "Izzy!," Will hisses at me from behind. I turn and raise my finger, gesturing for him to wait. He looks like he wants to kill me.

    "Will? That''s Annie''s brother right?," Jamie asks.

    "Yeah, that''s right." I hold my breath and wait for his mood to change, but just as I hoped, it doesn''t.

    "Okay cool," he says, "so you''ll be another half an hour or so right? Do you need me to heat anything up for you?"

    Who is this guy and what did he do with Jamie? I can''t get over how relaxed he is.

    "Not a thing," I tell him, "I ate here. I''ll see you in a little bit alright?"

    I haven''t even hung up the phone before Will is in front of me, eyes filled with worry.

    "Why would you tell him you were with me?"

    "I told you before that I''d handle Jamie didn''t I? What am I supposed to do Will? Keep you a secret?"

    "And I told you to keep yourself safe Izzy!," he says, "Telling the guy we''re alone together is the opposite of that."

    "I am safe. He was fine with it."

    "Yeah? Would he still be fine if he found out where my hands were just a minute ago?"

    "Of course not! But that would be my fault for letting that happen in the first place wouldn''t it?"

    He has no response to that, nor can he, because I''m right.

    "And hey," I say, pushing his shoulder, "what the hell where you doing anyway? This is a public carpark!"

    "Don''t blame me, you were the one sprawled out on the hood of the car, what was I meant to do?"

    "I was not sprawled out!" I argue.

    Will folds his arms over his chest and shrugs.

    "Well that''s how I remember it. And I''ll continue to remember it that way too."

    He raises an eyebrow as a cheeky smile creeps up one side of his face. What have I gotten myself into with him?

    "Okay, that''s it!," I say, my finger wagging at him like he''s a bold child. "No more flirting! No more touching! Especially where anyone could walk by and see, I''m serious!"

    Or at least I try to sound serious, but Will can only seem to see the funny side.

    "You know, by specifying that I can''t touch you when people can see, it seems like you''re pretty okay with it when they can¡¯t."

    All I can do is sigh, rolling my eyes at how cocky he is. I lean myself against the door of my car, allowing reality to bite us both.

    "I''m serious, this kind of messing around does have to stop. Things are changing Will. You can say I''m being naive but they are. I can''t continue to keep you a secret, it''s not okay, not if we''re going to be friends."

    I know deep down that if Jamie had a problem with me talking to Will right now, he wouldn''t have bitten his tongue, I''d have known about it for sure. He''s still trying for me. I at least owe him the same effort.

    "Is it such a bad thing that I don''t want you getting hurt Isobel," Will asks as he leans against the car beside me, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

    "No, it''s not, but I promise, if I was in any way worried about him freaking out, I wouldn''t have said anything."

    He looks at me like he absolutely does not believe me, but there¡¯s nothing he can do about it now anyway, it''s done.

    "Fine," he says relenting. "If you say it will be alright, then I''ll trust you. Although I don''t know how I feel about the fact I''m not your dirty little secret anymore."

    He lets out a soft chuckle as he nudges my arm. Just like him to inject humour where I thought there was none.

    "Seems you''ll have to get used to it, friend," I tell him.

    "Hmm, thats disappointing, but in that case friend, how about lunch on Saturday?"

    "This Saturday?," I ask.

    "The very one. That¡¯s what friends do right? Lunch? I assume that it wont be an issue?"

    "Uh, no. It won''t, but I''m working this weekend."

    "Not a problem," he says, "I''ll come meet you there. One o''clock sound good?"

    "Sure, I-I think so." I feel a little flustered, like he''s just asked me on a date or something.

    "Will you have to tell him about it?," he asks, letting his face get all serious again.

    "Jamie? No, I wont have to, but I will."

    Will chews his lip, letting needless worry invade his thoughts. ¡°I need you to do something for me then," he says.

    "What?"

    "I need you to let me know that you''re alright when you do."

    "When I tell him we''re having lunch? Don''t be so silly Will, it''s just lunch with a friend, it will be okay."

    "That''s not what I asked Isobel."

    "Okay fine, I''ll let you know. I''ll tell him tonight, that way you wont have to spend your time getting stressed about it."

    "Good. Alright then, I guess I''ll let you get home, unless you want to continue what we started?"

    Will tips his head back to the hood of my car, daring me to be bold. This guy really is unbelievable.

    I pinch the bridge of my nose, praying this isn''t going to be what I''m up against forever.

    "I''ll see you Saturday Will."

    He laughs at me as I wave him off and jump into my car. Yet again I feel like kicking myself for my behaviour. I''m honestly glad that Jamies call came in when it did, stopping whatever stupidity was about to happen.

    Note to self: Only populated areas are safe with Will.

 Chapter 23

    I arrived home to Jamie watching the TV on the couch with a beer cupped in his hand. He doesn''t usually drink on weeknights, so thats already a red flag.

    "What happened at the class?," I ask.

    "Nothing, it was just a bunch of angry people sitting in a room together. I hated it."

    Jamie lays back into the sofa with a humph, I can hear his teeth grinding from here.

    "Do you wanna talk about it?"

    "Not really, but I''m not so sure that I want to do those classes Iz," he says. "There''s got to be something mentally wrong with some of those people. Maybe the therapy will be fine on it''s own."

    I jerk back at how casually he delivers that revelation, he can''t be serious?

    "Those people? Jamie, those people are going to that class for the exact same reason as you," I point out, hoping he''ll see sense.

    "It''s not the same. One guy punched a bus driver for hitting the breaks too hard Izzy, is that not insane?"

    I stare at him utterly dumbstruck. Is he really that unaware of how bad things are here?

    "Do you think that what you did was somehow better than that Jamie?," I ask. "You attacked me in our home. You punched me. You knocked me out because I left a few dishes in the sink. How is that not equally as insane?"

    I''m more than aware that I could be pushing it, but I''m so angry that I don''t care. He needs to understand that I expect him to do this, one class isn''t going to cut it.

    I''m hypersensitive to every move he makes, but his position stays the same, there''s no twitching or tensing, his nostrils don''t flare, he doesn''t even raise his voice. He just sits there, thinking.

    Eventually he puts his beer down onto the coaster in front of him and sits forward.

    "Of all the stupid things I could have said, I bet that was right at the top of the list huh?," he says, running his hands down over his face as he realises his foolishness. "It was worse than what that guy did," he continues, "much worse. I know that, I''m sorry. I''m just¡­ I don''t know, it was a hard day, thats all. I''ll be doing the classes, ignore what I said."

    Jamie drags himself up off the sofa and comes to me, pulling me into his chest. "I didn''t mean to worry you," he says, "I shouldn''t even be venting about any of it to you."

    It''s funny in a way, when you''ve known someone intimately for a number of years, you can pretty much make a safe bet on how they''ll react to most things. But this is the opposite of what I''ve come to expect from Jamie. It''s what I''ve always wanted him to be like.

    "I think reality is settling in," he says, sighing and keeping me close to him. "I''m finally seeing what I was doing from your side, and honestly, I don''t think I understand why you ever stayed."

    His observation pierces through me like a knife. Has the penny finally dropped?

    I place my hand to his chest and lean my body back, looking him in the eye.

    "The reason I stayed was simple Jamie, I love you. But every time you messed up, it got that bit harder, and now it¡¯s not enough anymore. I won''t accept it, it doesn''t matter how much I love you, if it ever happens again..."

    "I know Iz," he assures me, "I know. That''s why I''ll stick all of this out, because I love you too. I need you, I hope you know that."

    He squeezes me body into his, resting his head on my own. I wish we were always so open like this. It''s a relief to be able to say what I really feel without any kind of repercussion.

    I decide to pour myself a glass of wine and join him on the sofa. As we sit together, I think over how Jamie has done this past week, and how much of an effort he''s making to try to fix things. He really has fully committed himself to just about everything I''ve asked of him. All except one.

    I''ve thought about it a few times now, and was trying to allow him time to get it organised, but now I think I have bite the bullet.

    "Jamie, have you had a minute to organise the health screening we talked about?"

    "The what?," he asks, his forehead creased with confusion.

    "Remember? Last week? We agreed you''d do it?"

    "Oh! Oh yeah. Of course babe, sorry, I completely forgot. I''ll get on that first thing okay?"

    Wow, that''s two for two now. No arguments, no scary bullying tactics. It feels amazing to think that this could be the way we are all the time.

    "Wait a second," Jamie coos, reaching over and stroking my leg. "Does that mean you might be ready to... y''know?"

    My jaw nearly hits the floor. Just when he was doing so well.

    "No!" I snap, pushing his hand away. "Absolutely not."

    My sudden reaction catches us both off guard, but I don''t care to hide my disgust.

    "Izzy-"

    "No Jamie! I''m not anywhere near ready for that," I tell him, "are you kidding me? How the hell could you even think it? I''m asking you to do the screening so I know that I''m safe with you in the future, but I still haven¡¯t gotten past you cheating on me!"

    "Izzy, I didn''t cheat on you," he insists.

    "No of course not, you just hired a bunch of women to come to your office and not touch you. Do you think I''m that dumb? You said yourself you couldn''t remember."

    "Izzy I''m really trying here..."

    "I''m not ready," I repeat. "I told you before, when I am, you''ll know. It''s been a week Jamie. One week! You''ve had one therapy session, there''s nothing fixed here."

    I leave my drink untouched and storm my way to the bedroom, leaving him there to stew while I take a shower.

    I stay under the hot spray for the best part of an hour, not wanting to face him, not when my temper is so flared. I''d rather my skin blistered raw under the heat of this water than even consider doing what he just suggested.

    I hate how all of this makes me feel. I knew there would be ups and downs, and a whole lot of mixed feelings, but I wasn''t expecting it all to be so much. Things seem to jump from good to bad at the drop of a hat and I can''t keep up with it. It''s hard to imagine how I''ll ever truly get over what happened.

    As time allows me to calm down, I begin to realise how laughable it is that I¡¯d sit at such a dizzying height of moral ground after what I did. I cheated too. I almost did it again less than an hour ago. Who am I to lash out at Jamie when I can¡¯t seem to control myself around Will?

    When I finally emerge out of the bathroom, Jamie is waiting there in the bedroom for me, leaning against his wardrobe like a lost puppy.

    "I really didn''t mean to push you Izzy," he says, immediately thwarting my frosty reception.

    "I didn''t mean to get so riled up," I tell him, "I think I''m just finding this whole thing harder than I thought it would be."

    "You''re not giving up on me are you?," he asks. Jamies face is hallow as I stare over at him. He''s a man who''s had just about as much as he can take for one day.

    "No, never. There''s just a lot of feelings still to sift through." I smile softly at him as he comes and perches himself on the bed beside me. He takes my hand and lifts it to his mouth, gently kissing my knuckles.

    "Can we just pretend I never said anything stupid tonight and watch a movie together?," he asks.

    I think thats exactly what the both of us need, but it also gives me an idea that could show him that I am trying to meet him halfway.

    "Why don''t we watch something in here? We can snuggle up on the bed. I know it''s not exactly what you want, but it''s a step I can take for now."

    I feel as though I''m offering up a tiny reward for good behaviour or something. I have to remind myself that as bad as that feels, I''m not the one that put us in this situation, and that I have to keep the boundaries I set for my own sake.

    "I''d love that," he says, "I really don''t want you to feel any pressure though."

    "I don''t, I''d like to do it."

    Jamie and I decide to let all of the stress from the evening fall away.We stick on some romcom movie that plays in the background as we lay intertwined with each other, talking and giggling about everything and nothing at the same time. Jamie mentions that his dad is still mounting a lot of pressure on him, today being a particularly rough day of it. Top that off with the class tonight and I guess I can''t blame him for being a little off.

    I fill him in on my visit to see Annie, and all of her plans with the bar and how invested she is. He''s curious to know more about both her and Will, so I take the opportunity to mention the lunch that Will suggested earlier. He doesn''t so much as bat an eye when I tell him, it''s another welcome surprise.

    Soon enough we''ve talked ourselves out, so we simply lay together, watching the TV until I suddenly find myself waking in complete darkness with the covers pulled up over me. Jamie must have tucked me in and slipped out when I dozed off. I''m grateful that he didn''t push his luck and stay the night.

    I look at my phone to check what time it is and see three messages from Will, all checking in on me in various forms of worry. Crap, I told him I''d let him know when I told Jamie about our plans.

    IZZY: I''m so sorry! I fell asleep, but I''m completely fine, lunch isn''t a problem! Just like I told you :)

    I press send, feeling guilty that I''m getting back to him so late. Right away I see the three little dots appear, telling me that he''s typing.

    WILL: You really know how to freak a guy out Isobel!

    IZZY:Sorry :( and I''m sorry if I woke you up now too.

    WILL: You didn''t, I couldn''t sleep. Next time I''m calling you... or showing up. Glad you''re alright though. Go get some sleep, I''ll see you Saturday, friend. x

    IZZY: Goodnight x

    I feel terrible that he was up half the night waiting to hear from me. I do hope he wasn''t serious about calling though. I don''t think Jamies new found understanding will stretch to middle of the night phone calls, especially from men he''s never even met.

    I''m tempted to send him one more message apologising, but I don''t want to disturb him if he''s finally drifted off. It''s better that I let him sleep.

    ??

    Strings & Things is totally insane over the next few days. There''s going to be an influx of customers soon with schools starting back for the year, so we''ve had orders and deliveries coming from every angle. Carol and I manage to squeeze in twenty minutes together on Friday morning to sneak out for a coffee, and I finally get the chance to fill her in on things with my dad.Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

    She''s oddly hopeful that we can start to mend our broken fences now that Donna is on the scene. She thinks she could be the person we need to bridge whatever gap there is between us. I can see how that could be the case, however I know better than to get my hopes up where my dad is concerned.

    Carol knows more than anyone how hard things have been over the years with him, but she''s always had a knack for making me see some of the tougher things from his point of view, as hard as that can be.

    "So is that all that''s been up with you lately," she asks, taking a sip of her coffee. "There''s nothing else bothering you is there? Things with Jamie all good?"

    "Yeah, everything is alright, why do you ask?"

    "I''ve noticed that you''ve been a little distracted lately, but it''s understandable what with organising school and all that stuff with your dad," she says.

    "Distracted? Have I done something wrong?"

    Gosh I hope not, I can''t stand the idea of letting the ladies down.

    "Oh no, jeeze Izzy, not at all!," she says, "It''s just something I''ve picked up on recently. You seem in a daze sometimes, like you''re lost in thought. You haven''t picked up the violin in weeks either, it used to be hard to keep you away from it some days."

    Sometimes I forget how intuitive Carol can be. She likes to give off this persona thats tough and prickly, but she''s also very caring, especially with me. I know how lucky I am to have her, to have the both of them actually, but I also know how much they worry, so I try to keep the problems I share to a minimum.

    "Oh, yeah don''t worry," I tell her, "everything else is fine, I think this stuff with my dad has been a little overwhelming thats all. I feel like I''m on tender hooks waiting to hear back from the college too."

    "Well you can use me as a soundboard anytime you need. I don''t want you living in your head all day, you''re such a worry wart!"

    I roll my eyes, it takes one to know one I suppose.

    Back at the store, we''re hammered yet again with more and more boxes of stock arriving. We work through as much as possible, but I hope there''s nothing else coming in today because we literally have no space left to store it.

    I step out back at one point for minute to catch my breath and quickly check my phone incase I got a message from Jamie. There''s nothing in from him, but there is a missed call and voicemail from a number I don''t recognise. I dial in and take a listen, and I am so glad I did.

    "I GOT IT!"

    I''m so excited I don''t even check the store for customers as I rush out front to Carol and Michelle.

    "I got it! I got it! They have a place for me!"

    I barely take a breath as I yell at them. This is it, I''ve got a teaching placement.

    "Oh my god!," Michelle says as she practically bowls me over with a hug.

    "Congratulations Kiddo!" Carol smiles from behind her, wiping a tear from her eye. I drag her into our little embrace, uncaring of her reluctance to be too touchy. I don''t think anyone else in the world will be as excited for me as these two are.

    "I couldn''t be prouder of you Izzy," she murmurs into my ear.

    Both women are hungry for details, but all I know from the message is that I have a place and the date I need to start.  We''re bounding around in our merriment when I realise I should call Jamie and tell him the good news too.

    I shoot out front and dial his number, but it goes straight to voicemail. I dial again, and again after that, but its the same thing each time. I send him a message, asking him to call me, but the exhilaration inside me is itching to get out, I''ve got to tell somebody! I decide to try Annie, and thankfully she answers on the first ring.

    "Hey Iz," she says, her peppy voice singing through the phone. "I was just thinking about you."

    "Oh yeah? Were you wondering if I''d teach you how to play the harp now that I''m one step closer to qualifying?"

    "Wha-, oh my god wait!," she says, "Are you telling me you got a place?"

    "I got a place!," I squeal.

    "Oh Izzy, this is amazing news! Oh if I could reach through the phone and hug you I would, I''m so proud of you!"

    "Thank you, I''m so freaking happy about it! I don''t think I''ll stop smiling."

    "Aww, this has made my whole day Iz! Oh, hang on, Will is here, he''s hanging up something for me but can I tell him?"

    "Of course!"

    She pulls the phone away from her mouth but I can still hear her yell to Will that I''ve got the placement. I don''t catch what he says in response, but it doesn''t matter, I know he''ll be happy for me.

    Annie and I chat for a minute and she quickly fills me in on the meeting she had with the accountant. She says it went really well, better than she expected. I badly want to quiz her about Adam too, but I don''t have enough time now to get all the juicy details, so decide to wait until I see her.

    When I get back into the store, a message comes in from Will.

    WILL: I told you it would happen for you didn''t I? Well done! Looks like lunch is my treat ;) See you tomorrowx

    It''s so nice to have so many people rooting for me, it all feels like a dream.

    The ladies kindly let me leave an hour early, insisting that I go celebrate. The most celebrating I''ll be doing is maybe with a glass of wine at home, but I take them up on the offer anyway. To say I skipped right on out the door would be an understatement.

    I arrive home before Jamie and throw a frozen pizza in the oven, too hyped up to give my attention to much else. When he finally comes in the door, I''m practically buzzing as I hover around him.

    "Hey, sorry," he says, "I saw your calls come in but it was nuts today."

    "Well, if you''d answered me then you''d know my big news!," I tease.

    "News?" He watches me dance around him, ready to burst. "What in the world has gotten into you?," he asks with a chuckle.

    "I got a school."

    I couldn''t hold it in a second longer if I tried.

    "No way? You''re kidding? Izzy, that''s amazing!"

    Jamie grabs me and wraps his big arms around me as he kisses my forehead.

    "I was so excited to tell you," I say, "I start on the twenty-forth, can you believe it? That''s so close!"

    "Im beyond happy for you Iz, really. I was worried it might not happen this late in the summer, but it''s wonderful news. I''m so glad you don''t have to wait."

    "Me too," I say as I stretch up and kiss his lips. "Thank you," I whisper, and he knows exactly what I mean by it too. If it wasn''t for him telling me to go for it, I''d probably have been sitting on this for another year. Maybe more.

    After dinner I give Sarah a call to tell her the news too. She practically hollers down the phone at me. I still honestly can''t believe how enthusiastic everyone is about it, I feel so loved.

    ??

    The following morning, I find myself in a state of suspension in-front of my closet. Will is coming to meet me for lunch today and I don''t know what to wear. I shouldn''t be trying to impress him at all, but I can''t help it, I want to look good. Everything I try on feels wrong, I must have went through seven outfits already.

    I finally settle on the first thing I put on, some simple jeans and a black top. I need to be able to work for the day too, so I have to stay practical, as much as I don''t want to.

    Jamie is still sleeping when I leave, it''s unusual for him to sleep in, so I don''t wake him to say bye, he obviously needs the rest.

    The shutters are already up when I reach the store, which is odd because I''m sure it was me that was opening today. When I unlock the front door, there right in-front of me stands Michelle, hands on her hips and staring at me like I''ve ten heads.

    "What are you doing here?," she asks, seeming annoyed.

    "I thought I was opening?."

    "Yes, but I figured you''d be hungover from celebrating so I came in."

    "Oh gosh!," I begin to laugh. "That''s so sweet of you, but no, I had a frozen pizza last night and that''s as wild as it got."

    "Izzy! I''m disappointed in you."

    I shrug my shoulders.

    "You grew up in the seventies Michelle, anything I did would have been a disappointment by comparison. Oh wait actually, I''ve a friend coming to meet me for lunch today, is that fun enough?"

    "It depends, is it your handsome friend?"

    "Michelle!" I say, turning the colour of a beetroot. She always manages to do this to me.

    "I bet I''m right though?"

    "It''s Will," I clarify, "Will is his name."

    "Ah yes, handsome Will," she says, "that''s who I meant."

    "I''ll let him know you said that shall I?"

    "Please do," she purrs. "And don''t pretend you don''t see it either!"

    "I don''t know what you''re talking about," I say.

    "You might have a boyfriend Izzy, but you still have eyes, you can look, I know I did!"

    "Alright, let''s go ahead and leave that discussion right where it is shall we? I''m going to go start getting the place ready before you decide to renounce your lesbianism!"

    I hear Michelle chuckle to herself behind me as I go, she''s such a deviant when she wants to be.

    We''re busy throughout the morning, Saturdays usually are. Dayna arrives a little later and we start unloading some more stock together. She''s not much of a talker, in-fact it''s like pulling teeth trying to get anything out of her, so to say the day is dragging would be an understatement.

    After countless boxes, and what feels like a full eight hours, I dash out back to run a brush through my hair and check my make up before Will arrives. He should be here any minute.

    I barely get a coat of lip gloss on before I hear my name being called from out front.

    "Iz-zy!," Michelle sing songs. "There''s somebody here for you."

    Talk about being obvious, but at least he''s punctual.

    Every-time I see Will, it''s like setting eyes on him for the first time all over again. I never quite get used to how handsome he is. Michelle was right.

    He''s at the counter making Dayna laugh when I approach him, a feat very few can accomplish, myself included.

    "Oh here she is," Dayna says as she glances over his shoulder toward me. "We were just wondering where you''d got to."

    That''s the most personality I''ve got out of her all day. What has he done to her?

    "Hey!" Will smiles when he clocks me. "What is it I call you now then?," he says. "Ms.Tully?"

    "Oh stop that, it''s nothing."

    "It''s not nothing! You''ve waited long enough to get here, let yourself enjoy it. Oh Here," Will says, "I got you something to say congrats."

    He hands me a deep orange gift bag that''s tied with a thin gold ribbon around the handles. I barely know what to say.

    "Wow, thats so sweet, you didn''t have to do that. Thank you so much."

    I find myself a little overwhelmed with just how thoughtful he is. I can''t believe he got me a gift.

    Dayna stares at us as if she''s watching one of those mushy made for tv movies. I really don''t know who this girl is right now.

    "I''ll open it later if thats alright?," I tell him. I have a feeling that whatever''s inside is liable to make me cry, and I don''t want to go to lunch with mascara bleeding down my cheeks. "You ready to go?"

    "Spoil sport," Dayna grumbles, causing Will to laugh under his breath.

    He waves goodbye to her and Michelle before grabbing the front door for a man that''s trying to push it open from the other-side. Heaven help the poor guy too because he must have the wrong place. He comes through the door, carrying a bouquet of roses so huge that I can only see his lower half. We all watch him, curious to know where he should be.

    "Whoa, do you need a hand?," Will offers.

    The guy laughs at his obvious struggle and thanks him.

    I feel my blood turn cold.

    I know that voice. I know the hands that hold those flowers too, and that mass of wavy brown hair. There¡¯s that smile. That ''look what I bought you'' smile.

    "Jamie?"

    "Surprise babe!," he says. His pearly white grin only serves to make the chill in me run deeper.

    What the actual fuck.

    It takes me a minute to realise whats unfolding right in-front of me.

    Jamie and Will, side by side. My stomach twists into a knot so quick that it hurts.

    The second Will heard me utter Jamies name his whole mood changed. He''s tense, and he''s staring at Jamie like he could take his head clean off. All while Jamie waits to be greeted with open arms by me.

    "Wh... uh... what are you doing here?," I ask. It''s about all I can muster. My throat feels like it''s closed up with fear.

    "I wanted to surprise you," he says, "I thought I''d take you to a celebratory lunch."

    He''s so cheery and carefree, but for some reason I don''t buy it.

    I look from him to Will, choking over my words, I need to figure this out quick.

    "Jamie," I say tentatively, "this is Will¡­ he''s here to have lunch with me today, remember I told you about it?"

    He looks between Will and I curiously, it''s over animated. There''s parts of him I know inside out and this is one of them. He can''t act.

    "Umm, shoot Iz," he says, scratching his head, "I must have forgot. I''m sorry, did I interrupt?"

    He knows I won''t answer that, or at least not honestly. With a smile, he pushes the flowers into my arms, they''re comically big, and then he offers Will his hand.

    "Hey, how are you doing buddy?," he says, "I''m Jamie, Izzy''s boyfriend."

    The emphasis he puts on the last word doesn''t pass unnoticed by anyone. Will doesn''t miss a beat though, he shakes his hand with his teeth clenched and eyes blazing.

    "Will."

    That one word is all he offers, and Jamie couldn''t be happier about it. I think he knew exactly what he was doing by coming here.

    "Well what do you want to do Iz?," Jamie asks, trying to force me to make a choice between them.

    "Oh, well.. uh, Will and I sort of had plans..."

    I don''t look him in the eye, I know that disrespecting him like this won''t bode well for me, but how do I navigate a mess like this?

    "No, it''s fine Isobel," Will says firmly, his expression sending ''don''t even think about it'' signals to me. "We can do this next week, don''t worry about it."

    He''s trying to help me out, but it''s not what I want. I want to stick to the plans we made.

    Michelle suddenly makes an appearance beside us, fawning over the flowers in my hands. They''re heavy on my arm so I take them to the front counter and set them down, keeping my voice low as I ask Dayna to leave the gift bag Will gave me out back. I don''t want to bring Jamies attention to it if I can help it.

    Jamie is explaining the ''mix up'' to Michelle when I get back to them. Will keeps his eyes on me, he knows there''s been no mix up at all. My attention is pulled from him just as I hear Michelle voice an awful idea.

    "Why dont you all go together?," she chirps, "That would be fun!"

    I couldn''t think of anything worse.

    "No that''s alright," Will says, "I was going to have to leave a little early anyway, I''ll let these two enjoy themselves."

    "Nonsense! I''m sure Izzy would love to be wined and dined by two gorgeous men!"

    Damn it, Michelle! Read the room.

    "That''s a great idea," Jamie interjects, surprising both Will and I, "what do you think Iz?"

    A creepy smile spreads across his face, daring me to try find a way out of this. He''s just gotten everything he wants handed to him on a plate. I feel physically sick at the idea, but all I can do is nod my head in agreement.

    Jamie rests his hand on top of Wills shoulder.

    "Well there we have it¡­ uh, Will, wasn''t it? Looks like the lady wants both."

    What a dick.

    Wills hesitates to answer, I imagine he''s racking his brain for any logical excuse to get out of this, but much like me, he cant find one, so he simply shrugs his shoulders.

    "Sure," he says, "I can''t think of any reason not to."

    I feel all the excitement I had built up inside me for today begin to crumble.

    Will gently shakes Jamies hand off of him, seeming like he''s entirely repulsed by it before speaking to me.

    "I was planning to take you to an Italian place that I like, Othello''s, it''s about two blocks from here" he says. "Is that still alright?"

    I love Italian, so does Jamie, but he makes a face as if to say he doesn''t, so I quickly step in before he can ruin what¡¯s left of Wills plans.

    "That''s perfect, Italian is my favourite!"

    I give some seriously over the top enthusiasm as I say that. If Jamie wants to play this game, so can I.

    "That''s settled then," Jamie says as he clasps his hands together, "let''s get going babe."

    I don''t think I''ve ever seen him as satisfied as he is right now. He reaches for my hand and gives Michelle a smile as he leads me towards the door. I mouth an ''I''m sorry'' Wills direction as we all leave together.

    It''s just one hour. We can do this for one hour right?

 Chapter 24

    As it turned out, Will had gone ahead and booked a table for the two of us at Othello''s incase there was a rush at lunch time. It''s an action Jamie verbalises as ''cute''. I don''t get the impression he means it in a good way.

    The restaurant of course has no issues making room for one more either, lucky us.

    There''s a clumsy silence as we all take our seats and look over the menu. I cast my eyes down over the available options, stopping when I see the Fettuccine Carbonara. I don''t think I''ll stomach much, but now that I see my favourite dish, I''ll certainly try.

    The tension between the two guys could be cut with a knife. We''ve been here five minutes and there''s yet to be a single word between them. Needless to say, Jamie is the first to take that leap.

    "So Will," he says, sitting back in his chair and making himself comfortable,"you''re Annie''s brother right? Was she not around to join you guys today?"

    As he awaits an answer,Jamie begins to rap his fingers on the table. He told me once that he does it in business meetings to make the other parties feel uneasy. It''s only now that understand it.

    "Nope, it was just myself and Isobel," Will breezes, appearing unbothered as he continues to look over the paper menu.

    Jamie frowns.

    "You mean Izzy don''t you?"

    Oh no. This is going to cause a problem. Will doesn''t so much as glance up at Jamie to respond, making him push the subject further.

    "She doesn''t like to be called Isobel," he says, "I would have thought she''d have told you that herself."

    Jamie shoots a dirty look my way, as if Wills choice of words are somehow my fault.

    "It''s not a big deal," I say, smiling in the hope I can defuse things. "I don''t mind it."

    Jamie muses over my sudden change of heart."Hmm, you''ll have to let me know your secret there Will, the one and only time I called her Isobel she lectured me for a solid twenty minutes until I promised never to do it again."

    "I guess she doesn''t mind so much when she hears it from me," Will says.

    I catch him smile to himself as he reaches for his water, this lunch isn''t going to be fun for me at all is it?

    Thankfully before Jamie can retaliate, the waiter arrives at our table to take our orders, affording me a minute to breathe. My relief is short lived however, because as soon as he''s gone, Jamie dives right back into it with Will. He''s like a dog with a bone right now.

    "What do you do Will?," he asks.

    "I''m a musician."

    These short answers of Wills are going to wear quickly on Jamie, he doesn''t like one sided conversation.

    "Oh really? What kind?"

    Jamie already knows the answer to that question, he watched some videos of Wills band before, so I don''t know why he''s quizzing him like this.

    "I sing mostly," Will says. "I play a few instruments too. Piano, guitar, the drums sometimes."

    "Ah, I see how you two have become aquatinted then. Izzy here has made it her mission to have music as the third member of our relationship. Can''t say I''m much of a fan of her taste in it though, no offence. Having said that, she is excellent on the violin."

    Will nods his head, not giving a single fuck about Jamies opinion. I can''t possibly be the only one feeling this anxiousness right now can I?

    "So are you any good?," Jamie asks, refusing to give it a rest.

    That one catches Will attention, making him glance my direction.

    "My answer would probably be a little bias, it''d be better to ask Isobel that one."

    Jamies fist clench''s when he hears Will use my full name again, but he''s never been one to back down from a little back and forth. And from the look on his face right now, I think he might even be enjoying it. I don''t like this one bit.

    "And what about the bar then?," he asks next, "Benny''s? That''s yours too right?"

    "It''s Annie''s actually," Will says, "she runs it, I just help out when she needs."

    "But I mean, you are part owner right? I''m sure Izzy told me that much..."

    "Thats right, but I don''t claim any success from it, that''s all Annie."

    The two men hold each others eye contact for the first time. It''s like two animals analysing each other in the wild, and I think that Jamie may have just found the weak spot he was looking for.

    "Izzy mentioned that the place wasn''t doing too well," he says brazenly, "do you think you''ll manage to keep it afloat much longer?"

    "Hold on," I interrupt, "that''s not what I said Jamie." He''s blatantly twisting my words there.

    "Oh wasn''t it? I must have misunderstood."

    "The bar is doing fine," Will snaps, "Annie has it under control."

    He¡¯s already growing tired of whatever it is that Jamie thinks he''s doing, and so am I.

    "Why don''t we talk about something else?" I ask, feeling the need to steer all conversation away from anything Will holds dear in the hope that Jamie can''t verbally destroy it.

    "I don''t mean any harm," Jamie says, "I''m just getting to know your friend Izzy, or have you decided on Isobel now?"

    Jamie fakes a laugh that chills my bones, I know I''ll be in for a hard time over the name thing later. I really should have done more to stop this lunch from happening.

    A second respite comes in the form of our food arriving, although my stomach feels like a storm at sea right now. I did hope that Jamie would take a break and enjoy his meal, but it seems like he''s not quite done with Will yet, and tirelessly continues the chase.

    "So Will is there much money in music?"

    Wow. Rude.

    "It''s pretty decent," Will reply¡¯s, not batting an eye. "What is it you do again? I''m not sure Isobel ever told me."

    Will awaits another reaction, but Jamie tries his hardest not to slip. I have to shoot Will a look to remind him that whatever he says here may have repercussions for me later.

    "Really?," Jamie asks, laughing it off. "Well I guess she doesn''t understand it all that much." He then reaches over and pats his hand on my knee, leaving it there. "That''s women for you right Will?"

    "I don''t know, is it?"

    Will furrows his brow at me in disbelief. I can only imagine what he''s thinking, but Jamie ignores Wills disgust and continues on.

    "I''m in tech," he says, "you might have heard of us, Reynolds Group? We develop software and programmes for other companies."

    "Interesting," Will says sarcastically.

    "Very. We''re heading multinational soon. It''s tough work but it''s well compensated. Izzy pretty much only works for fun these days."

    Jamie flexes his fingers and squeezes my knee, "Isn''t that right babe?"

    I almost choke on my own breath.

    "Well that''s not actually correct Jamie," I say.

    "Oh c''mon Iz, I''m sure nobody begrudges you being a kept wife."

    The sound of him calling me his wife makes my chest tighten. I rarely see Jamie act this obnoxious, it makes my skin crawl. I hate the idea that Will would think I''m with this version of Jamie all of the time, or that I settle for it to have a comfortable life.

    "And you work for your dad right?," Will asks, aiming to take the attention off of me as my shoulders sink. "Is it like an assistant kind of thing or?"

    God I wish they''d stop provoking each other.

    "I work with him, yes," Jamie says. "His assistant is a fifty somethingyear old woman named Brenda, or at least it was the last time I checked, he has a high rotation. I head up a couple of different software teams myself, but I''ll run the place eventually."

    My fork suddenly hits my place with a loud clang, making the other diners glance my way before continuing with their meals. I''m unsurprisingly thrown off by Jamies revelation. That is not what we agreed, and I''ll be damned if I''m not making him explain it, in company or not.

    "I thought you shelved that idea Jamie?," I ask, "You said you didn''t want it anymore?"

    "Well, consider it un-shelved... Isobel ." He smiles as he puts another forkful of pasta to his mouth, but when he notices the look of panic on my face, he immediately tries to backtrack.

    "It''s nothing to concern yourself with sweetheart, we can talk about it later."

    Sweetheart? Really?

    My mind begins to run away with itself. What does this mean? Is he going to become obsessed with getting married to keep his dad happy like he did before? Has be been hiding things from me? Am I going to end out on the floor of our kitchen again?

    I feel as though I''ve been duped. For every moment I thought Jamie had changed, he was simply playing at it, letting me believe things would be different. It''s like he waited to spring the old Jamie on me at the worst possible time.

    "So what does that entail?," Will quizzes. "What hoops do you have to jump through to run a company like that?"

    I don''t quite understand what he''s doing now. Will knows all of the history there. He''s aware that the investors wanted Jamie to settle down before becoming the face of the company. Why is he trying to force Jamie to say it?

    Please god don''t let him say it.

    "Well right now I manage a team of people who are just as good at their jobs as I am at mine. We''ve made the company a great deal of money, and will continue to do so under my guide, so I figure I''ve already jumped through said hoops, all the ones that should matter anyway."

    Jamie runs his hand over the back of my hair softly, making sure I''m hearing what he just said. Maybe I''m wrong, maybe he''s found a way to do it all without any demand on our personal lives.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.It all feels a little too perfect somehow though.

    "That will be quite an achievement for someone your age," Will says as his eyes follow Jamies hand, watching him twirl my hair around his fingers. He looks like he wants to cave in his skull.

    "It is, it''s still a while off though," Jamie says with a shrug. "My father isn''t ready to step down just yet."

    Will nods along, unimpressed by the whole thing, and still unable take his eyes off Jamie''s hand.

    "So Annie said the meeting with the accountant went well," I say, wanting to lighten things up. I dont want to hear another word about Jamies job right now.

    Will instantly softens.

    "It did, it went great actually. There''s no stopping Annie once she sets her sights on something."

    I honestly find it adorable that Will brags on Annie''s behalf. He''s as proud as anything when he talks about her, it''s the sweetest thing.

    "I''ll admit that I wasn''t totally on board with all the changes at first," he says, "but she knows what she''s doing, I''m sure it will stand to her."

    "How come you don''t run the bar Will?" Jamie asks.

    Will shifts uncomfortably in his chair. Why did I have to bring Annie up again?

    "Um... well, I was young when our dad died, too young to run a bar anyway. So was Annie if the truth be told, but we didn''t want to sell it or anything, so it made sense for her to run it."

    "Is she much older than you?"

    "There''s almost exactly four years between us," he says. "She was only twenty one, literally just legal herself at the time she took it on."

    I think about Will and Annie, essentially kids, being forced to manage this massive responsibility as they''re dealing with the grief of losing their father. I can''t imagine how they felt.

    "It must have been a lot for you both?" I ask, trying to disguise the pity in my voice, knowing exactly what it feels like to hear it.

    "We had some help," Will says, "there was a woman there who managed the restaurant area, Sybil. She and my dad were really close, she helped him with a lot of the day to day stuff so she knew what to do. Sybil was more than happy to take Annie under her wing and run things for us until we got the hang of it all."

    It''s a relief to hear that they both had someone. This whole time I had assumed Annie was forced in at the deep end, so I''m happy to know that she wasn''t navigating it alone.

    "Is Sybil still there?," I ask, I''m sure neither of them have mentioned her to me before.

    "Oh, no not at all, she retired a couple years ago. She comes in from time to time, makes sure the place is still standing."

    "That''s really nice of her."

    "Yeah, she was amazing to us after it all happened," Will says, clearly struggling with the memory. "She''s probably the only reason we kept our heads above water at first, but we got there in the end."

    Without really thinking, I reach across the table and touch Wills hand.

    "I''m glad you both had someone looking out for you," I say as I gently squeeze my fingers around his. It feels like its just me and him here, I love the way he talks about his life. As hard as it was at times, he manages to still take all the good things from it and let those moments tell his story.

    Will shakes my fingers off at the same time as Jamie clears his throat. I pull my hand back like it was touching fire. What was I thinking?

    "But why not now?," Jamie pushes as he grips my hair a little tighter and side eyes me from his chair. "You were a kid then sure, but you''re what? Thirty or so now? Why don''t you run it?"

    Will sits back in his chair, irritation making the muscle in his jaw bulge.

    "Annie''s done all the hard work," he explains. "I look after the paperwork and accounting and any background noise she needs help with because it gives her a bit of a break, and it means I''m not dealing much with the people side of it, it works for us. I''d have no fair reason to step in now and take away any of the responsibility from her, especially when she doesn''t want me to."

    "So wait, you''re telling me that she''s the people person out of the two of you?" Jamie says snidely.

    His grating laughter rubs me the wrong way. He doesn''t know Annie. He met her for thirty seconds under some pretty raw circumstances, I don''t think that makes him qualified to have any kind of opinion on her at all.

    "Yep," Will says as he picks up his glass of water, holding Jamies eye as he takes a gulp. "Annie can size people up pretty well from the outset. You''ve met her before right?"

    Jamie falls over his words, he walked himself right into that one.

    "I uh... yeah, just for a second I think."

    "Right. I think she mentioned that."

    Will tries to hide his delight by taking a bite of his food before continuing. "I think we''re both pretty happy with our set up now anyway, we''ll see how this renovation goes and take things from there."

    "Surely your sister wants to settle down soon though?," Jamie asks."Would this whole renovation thing not take up a lot of her time?"

    A small noise escapes my throat, I''m not sure if it''s shock or confusion. I didn''t expect Jamie to want to keep this up. Either way, I''m not letting that slide by unchecked.

    "What do you mean settle down?," I ask, "Can''t she do both?"

    "I''m not saying she can''t," Jamie clarifies. "I just think a bar might be better ran by someone like Will here."

    "Someone like Will?"

    "You know what I mean Izzy. I''m not trying to insult anyone."

    "No, I really don''t know actually," I say, feeling more and more annoyed. "Are you saying it''s because Will has a penis Jamie?"

    Will lets out a snort of laughter as Jamies mouth falls open.

    "Izzy! There''s no need to put it like that," he says. Personally, I think he''s lucky that''s all I said.

    "No," he continues, "all I meant was that it could be beneficial to both of them if Will took over now that he''s older."

    "Why?" I press him.

    "It''s a bar Izzy, they''re loud and brash. Will has his little rock band, it fits in with his lifestyle more than Annies I''d imagine."

    "But you don''t know Annie." I snap, allowing my tone to sharpen. "Or Will for that matter, so what makes you think he would be better at it? I can only see one obvious difference here, and honestly Jamie, I really hope that''s not what you''re saying because I find it hard to believe you''d have your head that far up your ass."

    Will''s bows his head toward his plate, trying to hide the convulsions that jiggle his shoulders. I dont see the funny side myself though, in fact, I''m livid.

    "And as for the bar," I say, "It''s still a business, it still needs to be ran professionally and people still need to work and be paid. From what I can see, Annie is doing a fine job of that, so why wouldn''t she continue to do it?"

    Jamie looks to Will in search of support, but of course it doesn''t come, so that''s when he decides to go straight for the jugular.

    "You can''t honestly say that you''re happy to simply sit around playing your little songs while your sister runs the place into the ground are you Will?," he asks, "It''s losing money isn''t it? At what point are you going to see that it¡¯s likely because of the way she''s managing things."

    My eyes fall closed as the clattering of cutlery and scraping of Wills chair on tile floor beneath him fills my ears. The table shook as he stood, and now my legs are splattered with water from a glass that''s toppled over. Jamie sits, wearing the most satisfied grin I''ve ever seen. He¡¯s just gotten exactly what he wanted from this; a reaction from Will.

    "Jamie, you know nothing about them!," I hiss in a hushed tone, conscious of all the people now staring at us. I need to try to calm things down here. "Will, come sit down, he didn''t mean anything by it."

    I reach my hand out to him but he doesn''t so much as look at me. He holds Jamies stare, daring him to say another word.

    "I really didn''t mean to insult you, or your sister for that matter," Jamie says, "I thought we were simply having an adult conversation."

    Will keeps his glare on him as he speaks to me.

    "You''ll have to excuse me for a minute Izzy," he says. Without another word he stalks off towards the bathroom with his fists balled, leaving me to deal with Jamie.

    "What the hell was that?," I ask him.

    "What? I was just trying to get to know the guy."

    "By insulting his sister!? And his work?"

    "Oh please you can hardly call strumming a guitar work Izzy," he says.

    "Oh don''t be such a dick Jamie!"

    The words fly out of my mouth before I have time consider what I''m saying, or who I''m saying it to, and Jamie has no intension of letting me away with it either.

    His fist slams down on the table. "Don''t you ever fucking talk to me like that Izzy, not unless you want to answer for it." His voice is low but his eyes pierce mine, making sure I don''t miss the warning. I''ve never said anything like that to him before, I should know better.

    "Or should I be calling you Isobel now huh?," he asks. "Maybe you can explain that one to me?"

    He sits back in his chair then, waiting. I feel my cheeks flush as I attempt to make it seem trivial.

    "I- It''s nothing," I stammer, "I never corrected him, that''s all."

    And it drives me absolutely wild to hear it from his lips, but never yours...

    "He seems pretty comfortable with it Izzy."

    "Why wouldn''t he be? Like I said, I never corrected him."

    "You seem pretty comfortable with him too," he says, "what the fuck was the hand holding about?"

    "I wasn''t holding his hand, I was trying to comfort him. They''ve been through a lot, I swear, I meant nothing by it."

    "We''ve all been through a lot Izzy, but you dont see me walking around hugging every idiot with a sob story. This is the problem with you! You let people take advantage of your good nature."

    "That''s not true," I argue, "Will is just-"

    "Just trying to get into your pants that''s what," he says coldly. "And if I hadn''t of come here today, who knows what crap he''d be filling your ears with right now to get there."

    I sit silently, staring at the table. If it wasn''t before, it''s completely obvious now that Jamie turning up here today was no accident.

    "You didn''t forget that Will and I were having lunch today at all did you?," I ask.

    He turns to me in his seat, making sure I look at him. "I won''t let anyone come between us Izzy, least of all someone like him. I''ve been busting my ass trying to show you how much I want to change and make things work, and I won''t let some nobody swoop in now and turn your eye. You belong to me."

    I feel a lump build in my throat, Have I been fooling myself this whole time?

    Jamie throws his napkin down on the table in frustration."I bet you''re not even grateful of the fact that I didn''t jump across that table at him just now," he says, "but I can promise you Izzy, for his sake, you should be."

    Before I can respond, Will appears back at the table, painfully aware that he''s walked right into an argument about him.

    "Izzy," he says, unable to look at me. "I''m really sorry but I have to go. There¡¯s something I forgot to do, we can do this another time. I''ll call you."

    Will doesn''t even wait for a reply from me, he just whips his keys up off the table and heads right on out the door without looking back.

    I glance between him and Jamie, quickly making a very unwise decision.

    "I''ll be back in a minute," I tell Jamie.

    I don''t wait for his permission, I''m up and out of my chair before he can stop me. It''s likely the worst possible thing I could have done, but my legs don''t stop moving, regardless of the fear I feel.

    "Will!"

    I have to shout up the street in the hope he hears me, jeeze he''s fast! "Will, wait!"

    He looks back, coming to a stop with a look of complete shock when he sees me.

    "I''m sorry, really, he wasn''t trying to be rude, he''s just bad... socially." I lie.

    Will watches behind me, waiting to see if theres going to be any trouble following me. "This can''t have been the smartest move you''ve ever made Isobel," he says.

    "I don''t care, I wanted to check on you. I''m sorry, Jamie knows nothing about running a place like Benny''s," I say, "don''t let what he said get to you."

    Wills shakes his head, frustrated the minute I mention Jamie¡¯s name.

    "Izzy, I don''t give a shit what he thinks of the bar. It''s this, us! We''re my problem."

    I feel my heart come to a stand still.

    "What?"

    "It''s too hard. I can''t do this, we can''t be friends," he says, "I''m sorry."

    "I- I don''t understand Will, you were the one who suggested this."

    "I know I did, I know, but..." Will drops his hands to his hips, a sad sigh escaping him. "Izzy, when I look at you, all I can think about is how much I want you. I know I shouldn''t, and I really thought all of this would just go away somehow, but it''s hasn¡¯t. If anything it only gets more intense every-time I see you. I don¡¯t even care that you have a boyfriend. I never ever thought I¡¯d be saying it, but it means nothing to me.¡±

    I suppose it would be a falsehood to say his confession has caught me off guard. I have no real clue how I expected all of this to play out. I do know that I don''t want it to be like this though.

    Will takes a careful step closer to me, letting his eyes burn into me.

    "I''m forcing myself to control it Izzy," he says, "and that''s only because you said you didn''t want anything to happen between us, but we both know thats not even true. We both know that if I tried to kiss you right now, you''d let me."

    "I... no..."

    "You''re only saying that because he''s sitting in there waiting for you," he says, pointing back to the restaurant, "because you''re afraid of what would happen if he saw, not because you don''t want to. But he wont always be there Izzy, and if we keep doing this, there''s going to be a point where I won''t want to control myself anymore, and I never considered the danger that put you in until now."

    "Will, if this is because of what he said-"

    "You''re not listening to me!," he argues. "I won''t watch you be with him Izzy. I thought it would be alright as long as I never had to see you together, but when his hands were in your hair, I wanted to break every single one of his fingers just for touching you. You can''t ask me to be okay with that."

    "I don''t understand Will. You told me you didn''t want anything, that said you didn''t want a girlfriend or a relationship, or anything at all for that matter."

    "I don''t! I don''t want anything," he says. "I don''t know what it is about you, you drive me fucking crazy Isobel!"

    I stare at him in confusion, trying to make sense of it all. He wants me but he doesn''t, how am I supposed to figure that out?

    Will moves back, stepping away from me, the sadness in his eyes makes me want to reach out and stop him, but I know he wont let me.

    "I don''t want to put you in any danger Izzy, you have to understand that. I mean just look at this," he says waving his hands between us. "Right now, just by coming out here after me, you''ve put yourself in the firing line. You knew that, but you did it anyway. What will you say to him when you go back in there huh? What can you possibly say that''s going to keep you from getting hurt?"

    "It''ll be alright," I say, "I''ll figure it out."

    The truth is that I have no real idea what I''ll say. I don''t believe there''s anything that I could say that would excuse this for Jamie. Unfortunately, Will knows that too.

    "You''re putting yourself into bad situations for me and I''m selfishly letting you just so I can get five minutes alone with you," he says, "I won''t do it anymore, I''m sorry, but I won''t."

    "So what are you saying Will?," I ask. "This is it for us?"

    Every part of me pleads with him to say no. To say that everything is going to be okay. I want to hear him say that he wants me as much as I want him, and that he''s been fooling himself this whole time.

    Of course he doesn''t say that though. Instead, he says exactly what I don''t want him to.

    "Yes Izzy. This is it, it has to be.¡±

    I rack my brain for something that could change his mind, for anything I could tell him that will keep him with me, but nothing comes out. And thats not because I have nothing to say, or because I don''t feel anything. It''s because I decide to hear him.

    Will doesn''t want to feel anything for me. He doesn''t want to want me.

    I finally get it, and it kills me.

 Chapter 25

    The memory of the hurt on Wills face haunts me as a reluctantly step back into the restaurant. Jamie was already wearing a scowl before I came back in the door. I don''t feel bad about it. I should, but I don''t.

    He seems to have nothing to say for the first time all day. He sits there, angrily staring at his empty plate. My own meal sits beside it, almost untouched. I''m afraid to breathe too loudly never mind attempt to eat it.

    I wait for him. I know nothing I say will make any bit of difference right now. My whole body flinches when he reaches his hand out to pick up his glass, I''m nearly sure I see him chuckle before he takes a sip.

    "Well that was really rude Iz," he says.

    Here we go.

    "I know, I''m sorry. I wanted to make sure Will wasn''t leaving over anything that was said, I didn''t want anyone to be upset."

    "He said he had something to do didn''t he? You read way too much into things Izzy."

    His voice is clipped with annoyance, so I stay quiet in the hope of an easier life. ¡°Anyway," he continues, "I wasn''t talking about you. He was the rude one.Storming out of here and having you chase after him like a tantrum throwing teenager."

    "I don''t think that''s-¡±

    "He didn''t even pay his bill," Jamie scoffs. "Convenient how he remembered he had something to do isn''t it? This is what I meant about the music stuff, he can''t be earning any real money."

    Jamie''s sits there like he''s the king of the world and everyone else is there at his pleasure. His arrogance is astounding.

    "Well, he''s gone now," I say, "you got what you wanted."

    Suddenly, Jamie wraps his hand around my upper arm, squeezing on it as he pulls me close to him. "I''ve already told you to watch that fucking mouth of yours Izzy, I won''t tell you again."

    He smiles, making it look like he''s whispering sweet nothings into my ear to anyone that might be looking. I didn''t realise we were still pretending that pushing Will out wasn''t his intension.

    "You''re right," he continues, "he is gone, and that better be the end of it too. Did you think I didn''t notice the looks he was giving you? How he tried to rub your name in my face? And as for the handholding..."

    He pinches my arm that bit tighter, no doubt leaving behind a mark.

    "I told you, I didn''t mean anything by it," I say, wincing under his hold, "I felt bad for him, for both of them."

    "I know that, but he didn''t, so you need to keep those urges to yourself in future, understand?"

    I nod my head. I could kick myself right now. What is it about Will that makes me so eager to put myself in harms way?

    Jamie loosens his hold on my arm, allowing me so sit straight again. I gently rub my hand over the area as he attempts to explain that he was somehow doing me a favour.

    "You don''t understand people like him Izzy, or the things they want," he says. "He would have said anything to win you over, I was protecting you. You can see that right?"

    "Sure¡­ of course."

    I push my food around my plate with my fork, waiting out the clock on this ''surprise'' lunch of Jamie''s by watching the other diners. I wonder if any of them are in a dilemma like my own right now? Are they hiding it all and attempting to appear functional as they cut up their chicken breast and twirl their pasta around their forks. I''m sure everyone here has one thing or another causing them some form of distress.

    All the same, knowing that doesn''t make me feel any less solitary right now.

    Jamie lets out a sigh, propping his elbows onto the table and holding his head in his hands.

    "Izzy, how do I make you see that I''m not this horrible monster that you''ve cooked up in your head?"

    I wonder what he means by that. ''Cooked up in my head''. Is he saying I''d be wrong if that was how I saw him?

    "I really want to fix all of this Iz," he says, "but I feel like I''m swimming against the current sometimes with you." He stares over at me, his eyes gleaming from the same threat of tears that brought me home to him. "I booked that test you asked me to do with the doctor, it was mortifying, but I did it because I know you need it in order to feel like we can be something again. I have to say though Iz, right now it doesn''t feel like you want us to be anything at all."A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

    I don''t address his remark about it being mortifying, he has no idea of it. But oddly enough, I do start to feel somewhat responsible for his behaviour towards Will. After all, wasn''t I the one acting like this afternoon was going to be a straightforward lunch with a friend, when deep down I knew it was more than that? A lot more.

    I place my fork down beside my plate, attempting to be reasonable. If he wants to talk, then good, we can do that, but he''s going to have to put all his cards on table this time. I''m tired of being blindsided.

    "Whats going on with your dads company Jamie?," I ask. "I thought you''d seen sense with all of that."

    "Look, I know it was a stupid thing for me to bring up, but I was showboating Iz, that was all. I have no idea what''s happening. I just wanted that Will guy to know that I''m better than him. Honestly, I''ve no idea what you saw in him, because I don''t like him one bit."

    "I don''t think you like any man in my life that isn''t you Jamie," I say.

    "Is that such a bad thing?" he asks sweetly. Its hard to tell if its supposed to be a joke or not.

    "It is if it means you''re still doing things like this," I reply, lifting the sleeve of my shirt and inspecting the fingerprints he left behind.

    "That? Izzy I was just trying to talk to you, that''s all. It pissed me off that you were siding with him, I wasn''t intending to hurt you."

    Does he actually believe that? The surprise on his face says he does. I look down again at the skin he held in his grip, is just a tiny mark I suppose, it will fade in a little while.

    "You know Iz, I don''t think you''re giving me enough credit for the restraint I had with him," he says. "I wanted to smash his face in the minute he uttered your name. ''Isobel'', as if he knows you in a way that I dont! He was trying to goad me with that one, you know that don''t you?"

    I feel this jarring kind of sadness every time Jamie mentions Will. It''s a hallow empty feeling, I hate it. I need stop thinking about him, I need to focus on the things I can control, starting with ensuring that Jamie and I are still in agreement on our future.

    "So you didn''t mean it?," I ask. You don''t really want the company?"

    "I don''t know Iz. That''s the honest answer. It''s possible I could still run it, I''ve been talking about it with my dad a bit. He believes he can get the investors to lay off and focus on the work I''m doing to improve the business, rather than what happens in my home. It could be an option someday, but who knows? Everything is so up in the air for me right now.¡°

    Jamie''s passive attitude makes me feel uneasy, its not like him. I thought we were on the same wavelength, but his answers are becoming more and more vague, while my anxiety about it is becoming more of a constant. I feel like he''s not trying to change himself after all, but trying to change me.

    He seems to think his explanation is enough to pacify me for now, because he quickly ends the conversation by kissing my hand and asking a confused waiter for the bill.

    "Oh, my apologies sir," the waiter says, " but I believe the other gentleman that was with you paid it already, let me go and double check."

    "Hardly," Jamie murmurs under his breath as the waiter steps away, but he''s back to our table not a minute later confirming that Will did indeed pay the whole bill. It''s hard not to feel a little triumphant on his behalf, but I swallow down any commentary I could make and simply thank the waiter.

    Jamie leaves an over the top tip in some form of retaliation to Wills gesture, even though he''s not here to see it. It only stands to make me feel sorry for him. Actually, it makes me sorry that I ever allowed this lunch to happen in the first place.

    It all got so messy so quick and it''s entirely my fault. It''s my fault that Will doesn''t want to be around me anymore, and it''s my fault too that Jamie felt threatened enough by him to behave the way he did. In a way, I can''t blame him for the stunt he pulled today, not when I''m the one that put us all in this position to start with.

    I say my goodbyes to Jamie at the door of the restaurant and get myself back to work, ready to bury myself in it so I don''t have to think about anything or anyone. Especially Will.

    "You alright Izzy?," Dayna asks, studying me as I walk by the counter to drop my stuff out back. I must look exactly how I feel.

    "Oh yeah, I''m fine. Just lost in thought that''s all."

    Dropping my bag off out back, I spot the gift Will gave me sitting on the floor. I might as well get it over with now or it will plague my mind all day. I pull on one end of the shiny gold ribbon, undoing the knot and letting it let fall away as I peer inside. A small note sits at the top.

    ''Stick this guy front and centre on your desk at school Ms.Tully, let those kids ask you all about him so they can discover some good music. x''

    Now I''m very curious. I dip my hand into the bag one more time and pull out a cardboard box, instantly breaking into a fit of laughter when I see what it is. Staring out at me through the clear plastic window, is a bobblehead figure of Angus Young, school uniform and everything. Will really got the memo when I said that AC/DC was an obsession.

    I''m in no way surprised when my laughter starts to fade away, and tears begin to come in its place. Damn it, I am so sick of crying. I know I''m tougher than this. I know I can respect Wills choice and get on with things. I have to.

    Quickly wiping the tears from my cheeks in the mirror. I tell myself that I have no feelings for Will. That I never did, and its time to forget him.

    Unfortunately, I don''t get to forget for long, not with the impression he left on all the women here.

    "Your friend Will is cute," Dayna gushes from behind the register.

    Typical, if I''d known all it took to crack her shell was a hot guy, I''d have saved myself a lot of forced conversation. It actually makes me laugh that she''s so smitten considering she only spoke to him for a minute or two. She must be a sucker for the musician thing too.

    I wonder what that must feel like for Will, having girls fall at his feet so frequently like that. He can''t possibly be as ignorant to it as he makes out.

    "Yeah, I guess he is," I reply.

    There''s a whole lot more to Will than what he looks like though. Sure, he might be striking, but that''s not the thing that shines brightest about him. He''s kind, probably the kindest person I''ve ever met. And he''s funny too, not in the typical sense either, it''s his sarcasm that always gets me. He''s to the point and at times shockingly blunt, but never without reason. He''s sweet and thoughtful, and even though I''ve only known him for a short time, I''m pretty sure that he''s the most amazing man I''ve ever met.

    And now I have the joyous task of trying to get over all of that.

 Chapter 26

    The next couple of weeks seem to drag by with a dreary shadow of darkness hanging over me. I''m in a funk over what happened with Will and I can''t seem to shake it. I know I should be enjoying the last few weeks of summer before all the chaos starts with teaching and college, but it''s been hard to concentrate. It''s been hard to do anything actually. I''ve found myself crying in corners more often than I''d care to admit.

    Now that I have a placement and I know what''s happening with school, I went ahead and called Donna to organise meeting her and Dad at his place. I was reluctant to do it considering my mood at the minute, but I didn''t want her to think I was being rude.

    Jamie is busy with work over the next few weeks, so I''ll be pretty free for time anyway.

    Donna works a couple days a week as a nurse, but next Friday seemed to work for all three of us, so we went ahead and locked it in. I''m nervous, but things with my dad can hardly get any worse right?

    Talking to Donna, and hearing how she believes things could change has started to make me feel hopeful about moving forward. I never usually allow myself to feel like that when it comes to my dad and I. I¡¯ve always held the view that we were past the point of no return, but maybe with the unwavering determination Donna seems to have, we could forge something decent out of the past and move on.

    At home, Jamie and I are better than we''ve been in a long time. He''s been eager to prove himself, and even apologised to me for turning up at lunch unannounced that day. I know ultimately it changes nothing, because Will and I are still no longer friends, but it was good for me to hear him take responsibility for his part in it none the less.

    I''m still anxious about the future, who isn''t? But he''s yet to mention a thing about taking over the company again, so for now I''ll take that as a good sign.

    Last week his sexual health screening came back and was completely clear. It almost made me believe him when he swore that nothing happened with any of those girls at the office party... almost.

    I''ve noticed that he''s become a little more handsy since getting the results, but I can''t seem to get myself past certain hurdles. It''s not that I don''t want to, or that I''m not trying. I do push myself to take things as far as I can when he per-sues it, but that just seems to make him want more, and I''m not there yet. Not by a long shot.

    It''s like I have a mental block or something, we get as far as the part where we should be ripping each others clothes off and I clam up. I know it''s not ideal, but I can''t force myself. I can tell it frustrates Jamie, and I can even sympathise with it to a point, but I''m adamant that moving at my own pace is best for me.

    Luckily, I won''t have to worry about his wondering hands tonight, because I have plans to see Annie. She''s been extremely busy with the bar, and I''m worried that she''s been wearing herself out with all of it, so I insisted she took the evening off with me. I''ve never heard anybody get so frazzled about what type of utensils to order, so I know she needs the break just as much as I do.

    I''ve purposely ensured that we stay away from Benny''s for our meet up, I don''t want to risk bumping into Will. I''m doing my best to give him what he asked for, but my feelings have been so up and down about it all. One minute I feel like I miss him, then the next I want to scream at him for finding it so easy to forget me. For that reason, I know its better not to see him, accidental or otherwise.

    I ran out on my lunch break to pick up some stuff for Annie and I this evening, face masks, hair treatments, a kilo of chocolate! Anything that might help her relax and get her talking. The other night on the phone, I finally broke and asked her about Adam. She was coy, and somehow shocked that I''d figured it out, but she also promised to fill me in on what''s going on with them later tonight.

    I''m standing at the register with a heap of stuff in my hands when my phone rings.

    "Hey Jamie," I say, answering the call, "How''s work?"

    "Hey. It''s all right, where are you? Can you talk?"

    He sounds all kinds of gloomy, like a kid who''s been told they cant have their favourite toy. Jamie tends to give off that vibe when something hasn''t gone his way.

    "I''m just at the store, why do you sound like you''ve got bad news?"

    "Because I do," he says, "the launch date for the software we''ve been working on has been moved forward. It''s now happening Friday."

    "This Friday?," I ask, "That''s okay, isn''t it? I thought everything was ready?"

    "Yeah, it''s all set, but it means that I''ll be working late the night before Iz."

    "Oh." Now see the problem. "That sucks."

    Thursday is my birthday. Jamie and I didn''t have any big plans or anything, but he had organised to take the day off so we could spend it together.

    "I know," he says, "I''m sorry. You know if I could do anything about it I would."

    "Don''t be silly," I reassure him. "It''s not a big deal, we can do dinner or something next week, I''ve had a whole bunch of birthdays anyway."

    "Hmm, probably too many now that you mention it, I should really look at trading you in."

    "Ha-ha, it wasn''t me obsessing over some grey hairs last week was it?"

    "Hey!," he says childishly, "Too soon!"

    "You''re right, it is! I thought you''d at least make it to thirty before they started coming in."

    I hear him chuckle away about it now as I tease him, but boy was he upset when he found those few stay hairs.

    "Okay okay," he says, "I take it back, you''re the only model I need. Happy?"

    "As long as you don''t forget it," I say, giggling down the phone. "Oh hey, I''m about to check out here so I gotta'' run. Don''t worry about Thursday though okay? Its not a problem, I promise."

    "Okay, I''ll make it up to you Iz."

    "Oh I know you will! I''ll see you later, love you."

    "Love you too."

    I am bummed that Jamie is going to miss my birthday, but there''s not much I can do about it. This launch is probably the most important achievement in his career to date, and I want to support him with it wherever I can. If that means having to spend my birthday alone, then I can suck it up for him this once.

    ??

    Later that night at Annie''s place, I waste no time kicking off my shoes and settling in, I have a lot of catching up to do now that the cat is out of the bag.

    "Okay, start from the beginning," I say as I slather some cucumber face-mask onto her cheeks. "Don''t leave any detail out young lady!" I''m just a smidge excited here.

    "Alright detective, let''s take this down a notch," Annie says, rolling her eyes. It doesn''t hide that cute smile on her face though.

    "Absolutely not! This is your love life we''re talking about here, I need the full picture, now spill! How long have you and Adam been a thing?"

    "Umm, well we''ve kind of been seeing each other for the last four months."

    "FOUR MONTHS!?" I yell, "and you didn''t tell me?"

    This is unbelievable!

    "Hey! What did I say? You keep this up and I wont say another word," Annie warns.

    "Okay okay, you''re right, I''ll stop. That''s a long time though Annie, why is it such a secret?"

    "Its not a secret," she says, very matter of factly. I shoot her an accusing look, who is she kidding?

    "All right, it''s kind of a secret," she admits, "but its awkward, Adam is Will''s best friend."

    "And?" I haven''t told her that Will already knows, and I won''t be either, that''s for them to discuss. "He won''t care Annie," I tell her, "I''m sure he wants you both to be happy."

    "I don''t know. To be honest I''m not even sure that there''s anything to tell him. Adam and I haven''t defined what this is yet."

    "Oh, why not?," I ask.

    Annie reaches for the bag of chips on the coffee table, shrugging her shoulders as she does.

    "I''m not sure, I''m kind of afraid to bring it up. What if he doesn''t want a girlfriend? What if this is all just a bit of fun for him?"

    "Okay, wait, let me make sure I have this straight. You guys have been doing the deed for months, you like each other, you spend a bunch of time together, but you''re afraid to ask him where its going?"

    "Well, when you put it like that it sounds silly," she says. "I don''t know though, he never implies that it could be anything more y''know?"The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

    "Are you exclusive?"

    "I''ve no idea, I mean I''m not seeing anyone else, but you''ve seen the way girls are around them. He''s probably got one for every day of the week!"

    I feel my stomach turn just thinking about it. I don''t even want to consider how many girls have possibly been in Wills bed since I last saw him.

    "Look, you don''t know that he''s not thinking the exact same thing Annie," I tell her. "You''re a catch! You could have ten guys on the go if you wanted. But you don''t, you want Adam, so you need to talk to him."

    I know I shouldn''t be pushing her into having a conversation she''s not ready for, but this is nuts, she''s torturing herself right now by staying in limbo.

    "You''re right," she says reluctantly. "I dont want to admit it but you are. I really like him." Annie bites her lower lip as she considers it, but figuring things out with Adam isn''t the the only thing on her mind.

    "Not that it would stop me either way," she says, "but do you think Will is going to be okay with it?"

    "Well, if I''m being totally truthful, I don''t think that should really matter to you Annie. He''s a grown man who can look after his own feelings. Besides, he loves you both, and I''m sure he''ll love you both together too."

    "I hope so, I''d hate for him to be mad at me."

    "He wont be," I tell her, "like I said, he loves you. I''m sure he wants to see you happy."

    The fact I already know that to be true makes advising Annie so much easier. I just hope Will doesn''t sell me out whenever they do finally tell him.

    Annie and I end up spending most of the evening discussing her love affair with Adam while consuming obscene amounts of sugar. She hates that I''m calling it that, but she also practically gushes as she tells me the story of how it all started. It''s very cute.

    Apparently the battery of Annie''s car had died outside the bar one night while Adam was there with some friends. Luckily for her, he was able to give her a jump start and then afterward they got talking. She had a feeling he was flirting with her, but wasn''t one hundred percent sure until he bit the bullet and kissed her. It was then that he told her he had been into her for years but was afraid to do anything about it.

    I really couldn''t be any happier for her, Adam sounds like one of the good ones.

    Annie seems more than happy to have got a night off from the bar too. I knew she needed it. The upgrades are moving along quick by the sound of things and I''m dying to see the place, but I can settle for all of the pictures she shows me for now.

    "It looks so good Annie," I say as she swipes through her phone, showing me all the before and afters. "You made the right call with the colours for sure, I can''t wait to see it in person."

    "You know you could always stop by when Will isn''t around right?," she says. "You''re not banished."

    Annie and I haven''t really discussed what happened between Will and I at all. I can only assume that Will filled her in himself.

    "No I know, and I will come by, I''d just hate for it to be weird for anyone that''s all."

    "Well you''re still my friend Iz, I know he''s my brother and all but-"

    Annies mouth drops open as she loses her train of thought. It looks as though shes seen a ghost.

    "Hello?," I say to her as I wave my hand in-front of her face, "anybody in there?"

    Her eyes meet mine again, and she swallows like theres a bad taste in her mouth.

    "Annie you''re weirding me out," I tell her, "what is it?"

    "I just realised something," she says as her face turns an odd shade of grey.

    "Is it that you''re really bad at making me feel better?"

    "No. It''s you and Will. You''re my friend, and he''s my brother."

    "That''s right? I''m sorry, I don''t think I''m following you here Annie?"

    "Adam and I!," she cries. "It''s the same thing. Oh god, this is what it''s going to be like if we don''t work out isn''t it? It''s going to be a mess!"

    She drops her head into her hands, completely forgetting the face mask.

    "No!," I insist, "Not at all Annie, this is completely different."

    I jump up and grab a towel from the kitchen to clean her hands, hoping I can pull her back from the edge of this cliff she''s on.

    "How is it any different Izzy?," she asks, "Look at how awful it is now between you guys!"

    I can''t say I don''t see the similarities, but right now is no time to tell her that.

    "It''s different because Will and I were never together for a start," I say, but that doesn''t seem to help at all.

    "Either are Adam and I," she points out. "Oh this is bad Izzy, if this goes south, Will and Adam aren''t going to be friends anymore, and then the band will be ruined and I''m going to be the frickin'' Yoko! I can''t do this. No way, I can''t!"

    Annie starts to pace the floor like shes having some kind of breakdown. I have to make her see how good things could be before she decides to do something stupid like calling off the whole thing.

    "Okay, whoa!" I say, taking her shoulders. "Slow down for a second, lets just take a breath Annie. You¡¯re spiralling. First off, Yoko didn''t break The Beatles up, and neither will you. Second of all we''re still friends right? Even with Will and I... estranged? So IF, on the off chance you and Adam don''t work, he and Will can figure it out, just like we have."

    "You think so?"

    "I know so," I tell her. "They''ll be fine Annie, stop being so hard on yourself."

    "No, I mean do you really think Yoko didn''t break up The Beatles?"

    You''ve got to be kidding me.

    "Annie!" I scold her as she childishly starts to giggle. "At least you find yourself funny."

    More importantly, at least she''s not still freaking out.

    Taking a seat back on the couch, she throws herself against the cushion and lets out a sigh.

    "I really don''t want to fuck this up Izzy," she says. "There''s more at stake than just a relationship."

    "You won''t. You deserve to have love Annie. Stop focusing on all the things that could go wrong and think about what could go right."

    The weak smile she gives in response tells me she''s not fully convinced, so I make the conscious decision to ask for more details about the renovation so that she doesn''t continue to get bogged down in her worry for Adam and Will. Thankfully it''s a tactic that seems to work.

    Annie excitedly tells me all about a ''friends and family'' night that shes planning as a kind of soft re-opening of the bar. She''s invited Jamie and I. I''m not so sure thats a good idea, for a multitude of reasons, including the obvious. I was pretty surprised Jamie received an invite at all after his behaviour at Othello''s, but it''s possible that Will never gave Annie all of the details. That or she''s trying really really hard to accommodate me.

    On one hand, I feel like it could give Jamie a chance to get to know Annie better and form a more realistic opinion of her, but on the other hand; Will.

    Annie can sense my worry from a mile away.

    "I know what you''re thinking," she says, "but he won''t be there."

    "Will? Why not?"

    "He said that it¡¯s not his thing, he wants to sit it out."

    I find that hard to believe, I would have thought that something like this would be right up Wills street. Either way, I hope his non-attendance has nothing to do with the possibility that Jamie and I could be there, not that I''m sold on that idea just yet.

    Jamie has been great lately, and I know he''s really trying, but a social event with the friend who tried to help me leave him? I''ll have to think hard about that one.

    ??

    On Thursday morning I''m woken by the smell of burnt toast. It feels far too early to get out of bed on my birthday, but with that smell wafting under my door, I figure I better go and make sure Jamie isn''t burning the place down.

    Tiptoeing through the living room and into the kitchen, I find Jamie, frantically trying to put some food onto a breakfast tray. He''s completely flustered and has managed to spill a big dollop of jam down his shirt. I don''t have a hope of getting that out.

    I rap my knuckles on the counter, letting him know that I''m watching his failed attempt to put together a nice breakfast for me.

    "Izzy?," he says, "what are you doing up? Go back to bed, this is meant to be a surprise!"

    "I am surprised," I say, smiling as I walk over and grab a dish towel to clean up the orange juice that''s spilled on the counter. "Surprised that you thought you could handle toast."

    "Don''t even joke about it."Jamie winces at the sight of how miserable the tray looks. He''s so embarrassed about the mess happening here that it''s cute.

    "Its been a total disaster,¡± he says, "I must have had the toaster on the wrong setting or something because first I burnt my fingers off it, then I missed the glass while pouring your juice, the eggs I made are like rubber, and I haven''t even attempted making you a coffee yet. I''ll probably kill us both!"

    He looks around, surveying the derbies of his efforts. "I just wanted to do something nice for you before I have to go to work," he says.

    Some people would consider this a sucky start to their birthday, but not me. Wrapping my arms around Jamies neck, I stretch up and kiss his lips, tasting the lingering traces of jam still stuck to them. "This is nice," I say, "not edible, but very very nice."

    It doesn''t matter that it didn''t go to plan, what matters is that he wanted to do something special for me.

    "Happy birthday," he whispers into my ear. "I''m sorry I''m going to miss it. I''d do anything to spend the day with you, I really would."

    "Don''t beat yourself up," I tell him, "I''ve organised a brunch with Sarah instead. I had to cancel plans with her twice already so it will be great to see her. What about you, are you nervous about today?"

    "Yeah. Which is weird because I never get nervous. And now I get to spend the whole day with my dad breathing down my neck on top of it. He''s already called me asking why I''m not there yet. It''s only seven fifteen!"

    "You woke me up at seven fifteen for burnt toast!?," I ask with mock disgust.

    "No, you got yourself up," he says, still holding me close. "I also have those though." Jamies hand points towards a box of chocolates on the coffee table in the living room.

    "Ah, very smooth!"

    "Your real gift will come later when I''m home. I''ll be back by eight thirty," he says, "I promise."

    "Was it too big to fit in the apartment?"

    "Sure, whatever keeps you guessing."

    Jamie rushes off to change his shirt before he leaves, and I make sure to wish him luck as he races out the door. This is a big day for him, hopefully Tom will take note of what an achievement this is and give him a break.

    After he''s gone, it''s settles in for me that I now have the whole morning to myself, and I''m not quite sure what to do with it. I''m not meeting Sarah until eleven, and the charred toast has disrupted any plans of me snoozing until then. I suppose cleaning up the mess in the kitchen can be the first thing on my list.

    As I scrape the congealed pile of scrambled eggs into the compost bin, I start to get a hankering for some pancakes. There''s a cafe that Jamie and I often go to nearby, they make the most delicious buttermilk ones. I could also pay a visit to the ridiculously expensive home decor store down the street from it while I¡¯m there too. If today isn''t a day to treat myself, I don''t know what is!

    I''m not sure if spending most of the day alone has turned out to be really sad or an absolute genius idea, but right now I''m going with genius.

    An hour later, I''m showered, dressed and pretty much ready to go. As I grab my bag from the bedroom, I hear a quiet knock on the door of the apartment. That''s weird, I didn''t buzz anyone up.

    Walking out to the hallway, I find that I don''t even have to check the peephole to know who it is, because that quiet knock is quickly followed up with some overly loud commentary.

    "Open up Birthday Queeeeeen!"

    Sarah? At this hour?

    Pulling open the door, I find her sunshine face smiling back at me. I''m completely bewildered.

    "Sarah, what are you doing here?"

    She breezes past me into the hallway.

    "Oh wow what a warm welcome," she says. "I''m here to save the day!"

    "No really, what are you doing here this early? Is everything alright?"

    She clicks her tongue in annoyance. "Of course. You''re such a worry wart Iz."

    "Oh, well then did I mix things up?," I ask. "I thought we were meeting at eleven?"

    "Did you really think Jamie was going to let you spend your birthday alone Izzy? Or me for that matter? The minute he called me about it on Monday I cleared my whole day, so I''m all yours."

    To say I''m overcome with emotion would be an understatement. I''m literally speechless. Jamie called Sarah? And they had an actual conversation? It''s like two mortal enemies, laying down their weapons and joining forces for the greater good. And they did it for me.

    "Breakfast was supposed to be Jamies one job," Sarah says sarcastically, "but I hear that didn''t go to plan, so we can start with that. Then I thought maybe a mani-pedi? I''ve booked us in for a massage and facial from two pm, so whatever you wanna'' do outside of that is entirely up to you Iz, it''s your day."

    I still can''t seem to get a word out, so I go right ahead and lunge at her, pulling her into the tightest hug I possibly can. We may have our differences at times, but there''s no doubting it, she is the best big sister I could possibly ask for.

    "Thank you so much," I whisper, refusing to let her go.

    "Happy Birthday little sis."