《Nali's Journals》 Prologue Prologue Nathaniel¡¯s Journal (open and die) January 13th 2014 First day of highschool. It was alright. At least I knew some people from my middle school classes, not everyone moved. Not a whole lot happened, it was just the whole orientation thing. I hope this grade goes well. January 22nd 2014 There¡¯s too much homework, I haven''t had time to write in my journal until now. Everyone calls the english teacher Ms Shrivel because of how old she is but I think she¡¯s nice. February 11th 2014 I got into a new friend group with some of the senior students. They¡¯re pretty fun. I told mom about it but I don¡¯t think she understood, got a weird look on her face February 17th 2014 New friend group is fun. My old friends avoid me now though. Not sure why, maybe they¡¯re jealous February 27th 2014 One of my friends gave me some money and had me buy drinks for the whole group today from the vending machine in the lobby. There wasn¡¯t quite enough so I used some of the money mom gave me for lunch. it¡¯s fine though, I don¡¯t really like the cafeteria cookies and they¡¯re too expensive anyways March 19th 2014 It¡¯s been awhile, I got grounded. There was a kid harassing our friend group during lunch. Something to do with a lunchbox? I¡¯m not sure. He was being annoying so I pushed him but he hit his head on the table and got a nosebleed. My friends vouched for me though, it was an accident March 25th 2014 That kid was back again today. He tried to talk to me separately from the group and said something about how they were bullies. Not my friends though, they¡¯re nice enough to me. I told him to shove off. He looked kind of familiar though now that I had a second look at him. I think it was Micheal Potts from middle school. I wonder what happened to him that he feels like interfering with my group though. April 2nd 2014 My friends pulled a messed up prank on me yesterday, I¡¯m still upset. They took all my money and used it to buy the raisin cookies and hide them in all my stuff. I still haven¡¯t found all of them. I had extra money to go buy some legos after school so there was a lot of cookies. Hopefully they don¡¯t start rotting into whatever they were hidden in April 18th 2014 I need to clean my room this weekend. The smell from the cookies rotting is awful and I still can¡¯t find all of them. I wonder if they crumbled some and mashed it into my backpack somewhere. April 18th 2014 Writing again today. I found the last of the cookies. I never want to eat those things again. I think they mixed one with a raw egg and put it in the zip up binder I never use. It was full of mold and I could have sworn there was hamburger in there too. Hopefully next week is better. Have a good weekend, journal. April 25th 2014 It was a good week. My friends apologised after I got some drinks from the vending machine and the Micheal incidents seem to have stopped. I didn¡¯t do so well on my physics test though so I have to take a redo. Dad offered to help but I feel like it¡¯s going to turn into a lecture about what not to do during sex and why protection is important somehow if I do ask for his help. I¡¯ll just ask the teacher, he¡¯s nice enough at least. Little bit old though May 1st 2014 I swapped from physics to art class. It¡¯s super fun and the teacher, Mrs Snelko, is super pretty. I¡¯m gonna stay in this class You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. June 18th 2014 There was some kid harassing our group again. Why does everyone think my friends are bad people? They told me to meet them behind the school after classes were over and we confronted the kid. They made me do it because I¡¯m a closer age. I kind of feel bad about what I said but hopefully he won¡¯t harass us anymore June 26th 2014 Summer break starts tomorrow! My dad found me a part time job for one of his friends who¡¯s a contractor. They¡¯re renovating a house over the summer and I¡¯m going to clean up the garbage and stuff. If I get enough money dad said he¡¯d help me build a PC so hopefully there¡¯s lots of garbage August 12th 2014 I got enough money to buy the PC before summer is over! Dad even said I could keep it in my room as long as I don¡¯t go onto weird websites. One of my classmate¡¯s dad is a programmer. Apparently they¡¯re working on a PC messaging service thing. My classmate said he can get us an early access code so we can help test it and stuff September 2nd 2014 School started again today. That classmate got me into that messaging service today too along with a bunch of people in the school. It¡¯s called Discord, kind of a weird name but whatever September 5th 2014 That messaging service is super fun. Some of the girls in other classes mistook me for a girl on the messenger though so now I have the nickname ¡°nali¡± on discord. My friends make fun of me for it but it¡¯s fine. I don¡¯t hate the name I guess. September 25th 2014 My friends took me behind the school again today. It was the same kid as before summer break again. They told me to hit him for some reason. Not sure why but I did it. I kind of feel bad. Hopefully mom and dad don¡¯t find out (don¡¯t read my journal) October 13th 2014 The 13th isn¡¯t a friday this year, I¡¯m kind of sad to be honest. I was hoping to scare some kids after school with the hockey mask October 15th 2014 I think I know why everyone was calling my friends bad people now. They had me beat up someone behind the school again. If I stop hanging out with them they¡¯re definitely going to beat me up though. I¡¯m not scared but I don¡¯t want to get hit so I¡¯ll just keep going along with it. It¡¯s not like they¡¯re bad to me I guess. October 29th 2014 I skipped class with my friends. One of them got some weed from the guy in the van that hangs out in the parking lot. He used to be a student apparently. They gave me some and showed me how to use it. I guess I¡¯ll try on the weekend while mom and dad are on their anniversary. They¡¯re giving me money to order pizza both days so I¡¯m excited. November 1st 2014 Mom and dad just left. I¡¯m going to use that weed stuff and write again after November 1st 2014 The pen is flying. I think. It also feels like I¡¯m writing so I guess I¡¯ll fix this after. I¡¯m hungry so I¡¯m going to get pizza. If I can find where the phone ran off too. It was going pretty fast November 2nd 2014 I don¡¯t remember what happened yesterday but I ordered pizza apparently. I think I used up my budget for both days though because there¡¯s like 6 pizzas November 18th 2014 My friends are kind of scary. They joined me in beating up todays kid and it was hard to get them to stop. One of them walloped me pretty good for stopping them. It hurts but I¡¯m fine. A bit dizzy though November 19th 2014 We skipped classes again today but it was to do something else. A kid named Klank Wurst (who names their kid Klank? Weird ass parents) borrowed money from one of my friends for food a couple weeks ago and never gave it back apparently. They knocked him out and tied him up in the cafeteria kitchen. Made me force feed him as much food and ingredients as we could get our hands on. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll be able to eat for a couple days November 20th 2014 Klank is in the hospital apparently. I got suspended and my parents took away my PC. I¡¯m not going to hang out with those friends anymore November 21st 2014 One of my friends brought me todays homework. He acted completely different around my parents and threw me under the bus for what happened to Klank. I was just protecting myself from them by doing that. I do feel really bad for Klank though, I¡¯m going to write him an apology and tell faculty about what my friends have been doing. I definitely shouldn¡¯t hang out with them anymore. There was a note and some weed in with the homework though. I¡¯ll read the note after I smoke May 28th 2015 It¡¯s been awhile. I haven¡¯t been able to eat anything since my last entry. Klank died in the hospital the night of the 20th of november. I¡¯m probably going to juvie if I don¡¯t rat out my friends. I¡¯m super hungry but I can¡¯t keep anything down, I just remember Klank whenever I try to eat anything and it all comes back out. I¡¯ve lost a lot of weight. June 23rd 2015 I got my PC back today after the final court day. I ratted out all my friends so I wouldn¡¯t have to go to juvie. They all are though so I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll be seeing much more of them. I have to do community service next summer after I recover a bit. I¡¯ve been getting weaker. Too skinny the doctor said December 25th 2015 It¡¯s christmas. Not that that¡¯s a good thing I don¡¯t think. I told everyone to not get me any gifts. I¡¯m not a good person. I feel bad for Klank and his stupid name. My parents look more worried by the day. My friends get out of Juvie tomorrow and I got a letter that told me to meet them at the school. It¡¯ll be the first time I¡¯ve gone back since I got suspended. I¡¯m a bit scared December 29th 2015 Last day of school before winter. winter break is tomorrow. I¡¯m going to go and meet my friends. And leave an apology on the billboard. I¡¯m leaving a note for mom and dad on my desk. I¡¯m not sure why though, just a bad feeling I guess. This is the end of this journal too. I guess I ended up filling the whole thing after all. I¡¯ll start a new one after I get back into school properly. Darkness... It was cramped in here. Where was I? I couldn¡¯t really move anything or open my eyes. After a long while; slow pressure started building up around me. Not sure what it was I just let myself flow where it wanted to go and suddenly it was very bright. Lights and sounds and voices speaking a language I didn¡¯t know. A bustling of people and warm dim lighting like candles. A pleasant smell filled the room. All I could feel were overwhelming emotions though. I started crying but I didn¡¯t hear my voice. Man that baby was loud though. It must be a newborn. Where the hell am I? chapter 1 The hustle and bustle continued all around me while I seemed to be floating around the room. Wait no, someone was holding me. Everything was too blurry, I couldn¡¯t see what they looked like. Why were they holding me in the first place? something soft and warm got wrapped around me as they handed me to someone that was laying on the bed. I still couldn¡¯t hear myself but the baby was really loud. I assume it¡¯s a baby anyways, sure sounds like it. Realisation settled in slowly as thoughts started running through my head. ¡°How small am I that everyone is so big? Where is that baby, why is nobody paying attention to it?¡± I got my emotions under control and stopped my crying, funnily enough the baby stopped crying too¡­ wait¡­ the absurdity of the situation hit me as my brain finally connected the dots. The next few hours were a blurry mess of confusion ¡°where am I? Why am I a baby? Who are these people? Why can¡¯t I see properly?¡± At some point I just decided to close my eyes to try and wake up from whatever dream this clearly was. After waking up I was lost in some primal instinct. I felt my tiny self searching around for something with my hands and face. Once I found the strangely squishy and comfortably warm surface my body was looking for; a delicious substance was deposited into my mouth. Once my body decided I had enough the void of sleep took me once more. Suddenly I woke up again. As my grogginess cleared; a terrible hunger seeped into my stomach. Involuntarily I felt some noises escape me. my brain was still too tired to sort out the information given to it by my ears. I felt myself get lifted gingerly into the air and a soft warm comfort laid itself over me. Opening my eyes a crack revealed a blurry figure that seemed to be holding me. My new mother I assumed. Her face was just a blur of colorful blotches but I could tell they were very attractive blotches. Inwardly I cursed my underdeveloped eyes for not being able to properly display her. Time passed and eventually my vision cleared up. About a week if I had to guess. To my horror I discovered later that the thing that sated my hunger whenever it struck was none other than my mother¡¯s bountiful ¡°assets¡± and I began refusing food, though there were other reasons for that as well. Eventually my new mother showed so much concern that I caved and struggled through the unfortunately pleasant experience many more times until they finally settled on feeding me with a crudely fashioned bottle. I resolved to thank the person that seemed to be my doctor,who had made the bottle, once I was old enough. I didn¡¯t really remember what happened at the school but I remembered being in a lot of pain. I could only assume I had died at the hands of my old friends in revenge for ratting them out during the court hearings. It was probably for the better, no amount of apologies could make up for what we did to Klank. After saying a silent prayer to my former parents; I steeled my resolve to live this new life I was apparently given. This resolve was quickly destroyed as someone came to change my diapers again. This sucked. A few more days passed and the woman that was my new mother turned out to be very interesting. So were the rest of the people but my mother was particularly interesting. She had long horns for some reason and super long pretty black hair. It felt very nice to the new and sensitive nerves of my infantile hands. Her eyes were bright red too. In fact, everyone had horns. They looked like Japanese style Oni I had seen in some of the manga I had read in middle school. My father was HUGE, I¡¯ve never seen a bigger person! And muscles too! He really looked like a manga Oni. Much to my annoyance he started putting on shirts that covered his chest more though once he noticed I was looking at the muscles a lot. Is it not natural for a boy to be interested in muscles? More time passed but I still couldn¡¯t find my voice. I hadn¡¯t cried since that first day either, unless I needed food and my body forced me to cry. I felt a bit hollow. Sometimes I could hear my mother and father talking in concerned voices while looking at me, I didn¡¯t know what language they were speaking though so I just kept playing with the little stick they had given me. It had a little bead that slid to either end and made a clicking noise whenever it moved. It was fun. ¡°She doesn¡¯t cry.. I wonder if she¡¯s healthy" said my father while poking at me cautiously. ¡°Doctor Jade said she was perfectly healthy. Everything will be fine, Khudar my dear. So far she¡¯s the opposite of Zenna which has been a pleasant change of pace, even if her lack of appetite is a bit concerning¡± mother says while chuckling a bit. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. Not that I understood any of this. I wondered when I¡¯d get the hang of whatever words they were speaking. But that was unimportant for now. For now: let¡¯s just focus on being a good child for mom and dad. After what had probably been about a few weeks; the milk I was being given started to lose its flavor. Becoming a mere form of sustenance rather than a food I enjoyed consuming. I had started eating a little less too but it wasn¡¯t enough to be a concerning dip yet. Taking note of the amount I decided to keep cutting a little bit out of each meal. Not being able to stomach the taste, especially when thinking about what I had done in my last life. More time passed. Life was uneventful. A Much smaller but still quite mature looking Oni started coming to my room every day. He was a good looking guy with short brown hair that looked like Dad¡¯s, his build was similar to Dad¡¯s but his face looked a bit more like Mom¡¯s. Given how they both acted around him I assume he¡¯s my brother. I still have no idea what I look like. There¡¯s no mirrors in my room and I haven¡¯t been outside of it yet besides when we moved from what I think was a clinic to what seems to be our home. The ceaseless passage of time was boring. I never realised how nice phones are to pass time. The days feel like weeks sometimes. Or maybe they are weeks? I tend to sleep a lot, being a baby and all. My hair is getting long really fast too but they don¡¯t seem to want to cut it for some reason. Mom, Dad, and Brother often just sit and watch me playing on the floor with the various toys they constantly give me. Is it that fascinating to watch a baby? They¡¯re always talking too. I wish I could understand the language a bit more. Luckily to pass the time I realized that Mother¡¯s hair not only smelled amazing but was incredibly fun to play with for some reason. Once she realized I liked it she let me play with it whenever she was holding me. I just couldn¡¯t get enough of it. The society here seemed somewhat primitive to say the least considering the blanket they wrapped me in sometimes was the only truly soft blanket around. Mother¡¯s hair was on the same level of softness in my eyes though. It was amazing. After a few weeks some small noises in the dark made themselves known to me. I had allowed myself to fall into the habits of my underdeveloped brain a little bit. But using the logic I had kept told me I was overreacting when the sense of terror settled around me. There was nothing to be afraid of in the dark. I was probably just hallucinating the skittering things in the dark corners of the room. One flashed by in the moonlight streaming in the window high up on the wall. I wasn¡¯t able to see any details besides the fact it was large and the logical part of my brain told me I was now correct in being terrified as I allowed myself to let out a screeching cry. The next day was gone through groggily as my mother fussed over me, trying to understand why I had been so scared last night. I used the time to stare daggers at all corners of the room to make sure there weren''t any holes where creatures could get in. there was none.. Which was mildly concerning. How had such a large creature made its way inside? It was a few more weeks before the skittering returned; this time much closer to my crib. Waking me up in the middle of the night with a start. Screaming last time had ended the situation as soon as I had made noise. So I readied myself to start crying again. I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes. Only for a sense of danger to join the terror that had yet again settled. Something deep inside me told me that if I made noise something bad might happen. Letting my breath out slowly; I looked to my left through the bars of the crib, nothing. Looking to my right a pair of yellow eyes shone at me through the darkness, no, from the darkness. As if the very lack of light was looking at me. To say it was shining was wrong as well. The yellow eyes did not cast any form of light. As if they were simply there. The effect was quite strange. I locked my gaze with the creature¡¯s and the sense of terror and danger suddenly melted away. As if to apologize for scaring me the eyes blinked once, then twice. Suddenly a little ball of darkness landed on the bed next to me and danced around. Being captivated by the chaotic movements it made I glanced at it a few times. Then after glancing back and forth, they both simply disappeared while I wasn¡¯t looking at either. As if they had never been there in the first place and I had imagined the whole thing. The next morning was spent contemplating the interaction and whether or not it was even real. The whole thing had felt like a dream. Until I saw the little ball of darkness lingering in the upper corner of the room. My eyes suddenly seemed to stab inwards in pain; a strange sense of energy leaving through them. I woke up some time later to the doctor holding me. The man quietly said something to me while handing me back to my sobbing mother who had been worried sick and bedridden even more than usual. The following few days were full of nonstop doting and a general feeling of guilt for worrying my mother so much. I heard my family talking around me a few days later. ¡°Isn¡¯t she just so cute!¡± ¡°Mom.. you say that every day¡± said Zenna. Khudar patted him on the back ¡°Just let Kahni be. She was like this when you were a baby too y¡¯know¡± Zenna just sighed. I looked at him and held out my tiny hands, offering him a toy as an escape from the conversation. I couldn¡¯t understand the words but he looked embarrassed about something. Mustering some lung Strength I said my first words.. Well, word.. Word was a strong term even. I just wanted to show my brother some familial support; knowing the pains of parents having embarrassing information about you and not being scared to use it. ¡°Ba!¡± echoed through the small room and everyone went quiet. A quiet sniffle as Mom started crying tears of joy once again. holding me close. Dad and Brother started jumping around for joy. I just looked a bit confused, baffled at the overreaction they all had. Unbeknownst to me it had been nearly a year since my birth and I hadn¡¯t uttered a single noise except breathing and crying since then. After I was put to sleep for the night there was a raucous party held in the village square. Mom didn¡¯t attend and spent the whole night next to my crib. It was warm chapter 2 The day after the party was warm, too warm; I had a fever. Nothing serious even for a baby; but my parents looked panicked all the same. The person I assumed was the doctor stayed next to me while I laid in bed. After the first couple of hours she had kicked everyone out of my room because they were being too noisy. In the newfound calmness of not being around these people that doted on me far too much; I finally remembered to take a proper look around the room. My eyes had finally gotten rid of the last vestiges of blurriness. It was a simple: well constructed room with wood walls and a Japanese style paper sliding door on one side. Small simple windows lined the opposite wall on the top edge, letting in lots of natural light. When it was dark out candles or interesting looking glowing rocks were used instead. Considering the complete lack of technology I had seen, it was pretty easy to deduce that whatever world I was in now had yet to experience an ¡°industrial revolution¡± of any kind. It was fascinating to watch the doctor work as she talked to me in a calm voice who¡¯s words I couldn¡¯t understand. She was able to conjure some kind of warm light that made me feel a lot better; I was entirely transfixed by the light, magic! I tried to feel the energy pulsing through me and found it to almost flow like water throughout my body. This warranted more investigation! Closing my eyes I attempted to focus only on the energy flowing inside of me and the energy that the doctor was pushing into me. Only to promptly fall asleep as soon as my eyes closed. Curse this infantile body of mine! I was fine at the end of the week much to the joy of my family. My mother and father were both crying tears of joy, having been prevented from doting on me too much over the course of the entire week. I sighed. My family seemed to be very over the top with their emotions. I didn¡¯t hate it but I felt like it may become tiresome at some point. From this day on I started sleeping with mom and dad on their bed as I had outgrown my crib but wasn¡¯t quite big enough to have a bed to myself yet. It was clear I was developing quite slowly as I started piecing together the timeframe of how long it had been since I was born so I decided to put in a little more effort. I learned how to walk by the end of the next week. My first steps were very well received by my family as I toddled my way very slowly towards my mother; my Dad and Brother cheering me on quietly. I still hadn¡¯t found my voice since the night of the party however. I wasn¡¯t really sure why myself. Base emotions were hard to come by as well. I was able to have fun and laugh and cry in my head but I was unable to make most of those feelings visible to those around me. Mom and Dad quietly murmured in worried tones in conversations that I¡¯m sure were about me while they thought I was sleeping between them. Their gentle strokes on my head comforting and warm. I missed my old parents despite their now obvious faults. I wondered how they were doing after I had died. Not that there was much point in worrying about it anymore. My observations about slow development were shattered after a few more days of toddling around as growing pains wracked my body. These were far worse than the kinds of growing pains I remembered. My bones hurt, skin stretched, and a splitting headache made me bedridden for a couple days as my horns grew several inches. During the downtime in-between the agony I wondered if my determination to finally accept this new life a little more and work harder had affected my growth. After all I wasn¡¯t human anymore, and magic was very much present. After the horrific growth spurts ended I was finally able to make my discontent with the diapers known, finally having developed enough control in my lower half to decide when I would defecate. Though the control brough sensation to lower parts and the lack of some parts I used to have. I convinced myself that it was just something to do with how my new body grew, after all I was still a boy right? Finally they brought me into the bathroom and allowed me to sit on the toilet as long as I was supervised. Still being small enough to fall in if I wasn¡¯t careful. The toilet fascinated me much to the amusement of my family. It was simple and made out of wood but pressing your hand against an intricate looking iron circlet on the side of it caused a ball of water to form above the bowl before gently flowing down the bowl to wash it out. And instead of toilet paper there was a small wooden spatula that had two circlets on it. One side made a ball of water float above the spatula for washing out and cleaning and the other side blew warm air to dry you off. All a very hygienic process. After inspecting the circlets I noticed they were made of small symbols and words! Not that I could read them but it was amazing! Real magic circles! Straight out of something like a game! Taking advantage of the privilege toddlers have I refused to let go of whatever magic circles I could get my hands on. But they were always able to distract me with interesting new foods and treats long enough to snatch the vital devices away from me. I was determined to copy down those circles someday! Once I finally got a hold of the small child running around in my head¡­ I had gotten better at walking, though I was still confined to the gigantic feeling house. Being a toddler was amazing, everywhere felt so huge and fun to explore. I was able to lose myself for hours within the many rooms of our house. The house itself felt like being inside of a traditional Japanese home. It wasn¡¯t quite Japanese but it felt very similar to the anime and manga I remember looking at before. Paper sliding doors all except for the front door which I never found a chance to look outside of; unable to catch Dad or Brother coming in or out of the house; and I was too small to reach the door handle on the top of the door. Why was it all the way up there anyways?? And yet even with the size of the house the only mirror was in the bathroom above the sink, which I was too short to reach or look into. My hair had gotten quite long and I kept wondering why they wouldn¡¯t cut it. Maybe it was tradition for all children to keep their hair long? I hope they''ll let me cut it as short as Dad or Brother soon. Long hair was annoying. It was nice when Mom brushed it though. Fortunately I had been starting to be able to use my voice more often lately. It was mostly gibberish but it was nice to be able to make noises finally. Communication had gotten a lot easier and I was finally able to voice my desire to look in the mirror. ¡°M-ira!¡± I said, with a little too much enthusiasm, startling my mother. We were having a bath and she had just nodded off in the hot water.This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡°Hmm? What is it my darling¡± she replied. I couldn¡¯t understand the words but I could tell she was wondering what I wanted ¡°mirah¡± I said again, pointing at the mirror ¡°Do you want to look at yourself in the mirror?¡± she asked, she had developed something similar to simple sign language to talk with me alongside the doctor. They understood that I was very intelligent for my age but was unable to understand most of their words still even if I could infer the meaning behind them through the context of the situation and intonation of the words. My mother gestured towards the mirror, asking if I wanted to look. I nodded enthusiastically. She sighed a bit but lifted both of us out of the tub to dry us off first. My first look at myself since I had entered this new world a little more than a year ago! Mother lifted me and I saw myself for the first time. Pale skin that even on a child could be described as beautiful, the same as my mother¡¯s. Bright emerald eyes that were like¡­ no¡­ they Were jewels seated into my eye sockets much like my brother, adorned with pitch black vertically slitted pupils, unlike my family. long black hair to match my mother¡¯s. A thin doll-like face. Two little horns poking out of my forehead and small red markings near my collarbone that I was unable to see without the mirror, they looked like Father¡¯s. As I took in the sight of myself the most important part became readily apparent. My heart raced with this new discovery, a kind of excitement and trepidation about the future. Staring back at me from the mirror was a small, incredibly cute girl. The girl who was myself. My confused expression must have been noticed by my mother who chuckled a bit. Holding me close then pointing to me while saying ¡°Inalia¡± then pointing back to herself ¡°Kahni¡± I just looked a bit confused again. When she pointed back to me and said ¡°inalia¡± once more I felt stupid for not getting it the first time, my name, Inalia. And my mother¡¯s, Kahni. Excited by the knowledge of my name I managed a ¡°eeee-nabeea!¡± while raising my hands a little. Pointing to Mom and spouting ¡°mama¡± then snuggling in close. I needed some time to process the idea of being a girl and hoped Mom would put me to bed for a nap so I could have some alone time. I yawned to get the point across. That night I let myself silently cry a little. ¡®Nathaniel¡¯ was truly gone. After crying for a few more minutes I steeled my resolve once more, this time to live my life as Inalia. Though my resolve would once again be shattered once I woke up: I had wet the bed. I silently cursed my child¡¯s body while watching Mom wash the sheets that morning. After the ordeal that was waking up to something so embarrassing it was hard to motivate myself to do anything of note. The sudden revelation of my sheer obliviousness to my new gender was internally embarrassing. It was a lot to process inside of the hiding place that was the bedding closet in the master bedroom. Kahni would call for me every once in a while but I knew she knew where I was. She had found me here several times before. Despite that it still felt like a safe small space to hide away in. the comfort of the winter sheets and feather blankets in the small dark space becoming quite cozy rather than claustrophobic. Once again I silently cursed my toddler¡¯s physiology. Having fallen asleep among the blankets entirely. I curled up even further into a fetal position and just absently played with my long and silky hair, the meaning behind the length had finally become apparent. Glancing around in boredom I noticed the door to the closet was open much further than I had left it. Someone noticed me while I was asleep. Crawling to the open gap I peeked out, revealing my brother, Zenna, sitting on the floor while reading a book; waiting for me to emerge. His face lightened into a grin as he put down the book. Gesturing to come over while saying something. Begrudgingly I crawled over to him, not bothering to stand up for the short distance it took to get to his admittedly comfortable lap. Internally embarrassed I thought to myself how I wouldn¡¯t have ever willingly done anything like this before, but had since changed because of becoming Inalia. Whether due to the hormones of a new body and gender or maybe the very chemistry that made up my brain had changed me. Either way the embarrassment didn¡¯t last for long as I decided to accept it without much thought. Zenna kept trying to talk with me, but the words were lost. The expression of confusion and frustration must have been apparent because he just chuckled a bit before standing up, hoisting me into the air in his arms as he did so. I made a small noise of displeasure before my expressions and voice were once again lost to whatever mental block they hid behind. Zenna caught my attention with a hand wave and signed to me while speaking slowly ¡°you want to see mother?¡± he said each word with each sign slowly so I could understand far more easily. I nodded and he carried me down the stairs to the kitchen. Kahni was a whirr of activity while preparing enough food to feed a small village. Several small jars were scattered around various surfaces full of the incredible amount of soup stock she was making. She was canning it for winter storage. Zenna called to her and she brightened up while coming over to see both of us. I was promptly handed off to my mother while Zenna waved goodbye and walked to where the front door was. Most likely going to help father with something. ¡°Do you want to help?¡± asked Kahni, looking at me with a smile only a mother could give to a child. It was a bit hard to reconcile the sheer amount of affection she gave to me and Zenna. It was appreciated but overwhelming at times. I nodded in response to her question. For some reason I was able to understand her a lot better than anyone else I had seen so far. She set me down at the table in front of a veritable army of jars. She pointed to a wooden crate full of small metal disks and rings. Showing me how to match the various sizes with the empty jars and put on the lids. Once she was sure I understood she left me to it and went back to running around the kitchen Standing on the chair to get a better vantage point over the whole sea of jars, I started working. My tiny hands not yet used to the surprisingly delicate work. Clumsily grabbing various disks and rings and dropping them more often than affixing them to the jars. I wondered to myself if this was normal work to give to a child that¡¯s barely more than a year old. Despite it being apparent to my parents that I was growing and developing slowly the amount of growth that was apparent to Inalia was intense. Apparently Oni grew much faster initially than humans and my body was closer to that of a 3 or 4 year old¡¯s in terms of human growth. The rapid growth hadn¡¯t helped much though. It was already a hassle to get used to a new body, let alone while it¡¯s changing so much. I sighed while thinking about needing to go through puberty again. A loud clatter rang out as I dropped a stack of rings. Unable to control my emotions for a split second I made a frustrated noise and stomped my feet on the chair a bit. Mother looked over to watch, her hands too occupied to sign something to me properly. I huffed and regathered my emotions. Stepping off the chair; my accursed tiny and clumsy body failed to lower me slowly and I tumbled off. A dull pain reverberating through my chest and ribcage. Becoming quickly frustrated I just gave into my emotion and began to cry. Mother quickly stopped what she was doing and picked me up. Shushing and comforting me while murmuring gently to me. It was a lovely feeling I had forgotten; to be comforted by someone who loves you so dearly. I fell asleep in her arms and drifted away to a warm fluffy slumber chapter 3 I woke the next day. Having been exhausted enough to sleep through supper, much to the concern of my parents. They kept trying to feed me far too much breakfast, but this was even more than usual. ¡°Not hungry,¡± I kept signing over and over when they tried to feed me; I really wasn¡¯t that hungry, surprisingly, despite not having eaten a full meal in several days. I did feel a bit weaker than usual, though. Eventually, it culminated in a very angry mother and a compromise of being made to at least sip on a bowl of broth until I was done. I struggled to keep it down though, images flashing through my mind of someone¡­ someone I had done horrible things to. What was his name? Oh god what was his name!?I muttered expletives in my mind over and over again. Trying to control my emotions and keep an existential crisis at bay. My chest hurt, my breath caught in my chest and the world started blurring around me. Why couldn''t I remember his name? It felt like an incredibly important part of my mind was simply gone, Forgotten or discarded by my subconscious self. My vision started tunneling, and as soon as I finished the broth it all rose out of my stomach and back into the bowl. Sobbing while my body dry heaved every bit of the liquid out of itself, and then continued even after everything else was evacuated. It felt like I was sinking. The world twisting around me as my breath caught in my airway. Blocked by the seemingly endless stream of bile and contracting muscles. The world went dark for a few moments and I felt a dull pain in my head. I could feel a bustle and panic around me but it felt like I was no longer in the room. The clattering of a chair falling backwards. A rush of movement towards me. My mother shouting something towards me even though I wasn¡¯t there anymore. I saw a pair of yellow eyes on the other side of the room between the legs of the table and chairs. When had I fallen to the floor? My body convulsed and continued trying to empty itself, but I was an outside observer somewhere next to the yellow eyes. They belonged to a long, mostly formless creature. It looked feline but the shape wasn¡¯t constant. Constantly shifting, it had somewhere between three and eight legs but only one tail. Or was that a head? Everything was too confusing but it seemed to be trying to comfort me. Wrapping its shadow-like form around my consciousness and allowing me to slip back into the sweet oblivion of the void. When I woke, I wasn¡¯t in my house anymore. The bed wasn¡¯t my own. What happened? I felt my breath catch again as I remembered the events prior. Tears rose but I forced them back down. Is that what a panic attack was like? That was horrible. What had I even forgotten that made me panic that bad? I perused my memories. Trying to find the events of last night. Compartmentalizing my mind into folders to look through. After searching, and failing to find last night, I felt panic rising in me again but forced it back down. Crumpling it to a little ball that I crushed as I clenched my small fists.Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. Taking a deep breath, I looked around. Or tried to, anyways; my head wouldn¡¯t move. Suppressing yet more panic; I tried to logically think of why I wouldn¡¯t be able to move. All of the options I thought of were awful and didn¡¯t improve my mindset. Maybe I damaged my spine when I landed on the ground? Maybe the attack gave me some form of locked in syndrome?? ¡°Okay stop, it¡¯s not that bad¡± I told myself silently. And suddenly I was able to move my head. ¡°See? It¡¯s just a mental block¡± as I looked to the base of the bed. My eyes locked on a horrific looking figure with far too many twisted limbs, sunken eyes everywhere and way too much skin that sagged nearly to the floor. ¡°Oh I have sleep paralysis now. Good. Awesome¡± I let my head sink back down so I can look at the ceiling instead. I kept testing my limbs and muscles until finally I could move again. Moving my hand, I noticed my disheveled mother asleep on a chair next to the bed; Her head laying on the bed and both hands on top of one of mine. The creature was still at the end of the bed, much to my dismay. It didn¡¯t prevent my mother from waking up as I tried to ignore it. She saw me sitting up and awake and tears formed in her eyes. They were already puffy and red from what must have been an intense sobbing session while I was out for however long I was. I felt awful. Truly terrible. How could I be such a terrible child to do this to my mother. I let myself cry a little as I pulled her hand forward to try and comfort her. She pulled me closer slowly and just whispered gently into my hair while softly crying in relief while slowly stroking my hair and comforting me. I had a feeling I was comforting her more though. The creature was shuffling around at the end of the bed. Then suddenly, the doctor emerged from it! Or walked through it. Either way I was too startled to tell and hiccupped in surprise. Mother pulled back and looked at me with concern again. They talked to each-other quietly. Taking another look around I noticed I was surrounded by simple blue curtains; a hospital of some kind? Suddenly I was taken by an intense curiosity. This was my first time outside of the house! My panic was rapidly forgotten as a desire to see the world filled me; I also wanted to get away from the creature. ¡°Explore!¡± I said excitedly. It was the first word I had decided to memorize fluently because I wanted to get out of the house. Both the doctor and my mother looked at me. A not insignificant amount of concern showing on their face. Mother just shook her head and laid me back down. ¡°Later¡± she said. Suddenly her hand started glowing softly and I started getting drowsy. Damn you, mother! I love you but I don¡¯t want to sleep again! She stood up and walked out of the curtain while talking with the doctor in a hushed tone as I once again succumbed to sleep. quick update hi! just a quick update (I''ll probably delete this when I''m fully back into the swing of things) my life has been SUPER busy and stressful lately and I haven''t been able to find the mental space or time to write proper chapters that are up to my own standards of quality. I''m starting work again super soon and I''ll be way less stressed out so this isn''t even a long hiatus and this is still very much an ongoing project that I want to keep writing. it might just take me awhile to get back into it. hopefully sometime within the next two weeks. thanks for reading! The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.