《NO WAY OUT》
Prologue: Back In The Day
(empty classroom)
*Sighs*
I push back my messy hair strands while lying on the desk.
As the soft sun rays fall on my cold skin, for the first time in a whileit feels like something warm surrounds me.
I walk out of my desk and face the window to look down on the playground full of people, my classmates. Everyone is scattered all around the field, talking and laughing waiting for the teacher. Yet there is this particular crowd aroundhim.
Not just girls, boys like him a lot too.
Now that I think back, there was nothing about him that was supposed to be hated. Leaving that one thing he shouldn''t have said.
I stepped back when I heard my heart pounding like crazy within my rib cage. Is it just my imagination or is he really looking straight at me, in this classroom on the third floor of all the others?
I walked back to my desk, sweat slipping down my temple.
My heart pounds not for the rush of love on my nerves as one might naturally assume but because of the rush of fear.
Shit.
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I unattentively press my forehead a bit too hard to realize my palm is coldly anxious.
Only if I had behaved well back then...
*
(8 years ago, elementary school)
"Look, in-sung, you look so much better"
I say showing him the mirror.
He grits his teeth harder this time.
"Are you angry now?"
Kim says pushing In-sung''s head back.
The others lose their grip on him and he falls to he ground.
We all laugh in unison while he rubs off all the makeup we applied on his face.
He did not cry this time as well.
He just never cries.
"Yo, in-sung"
I don''t know what got into me but I ran up to him and pushed him back to the ground and got hold of his collar.
It was so easy to bully him since he was so timid and weak but it was equally as harder to make him cry.
"You are a loser, an absolute loser!"
I shouted my lungs out while I sat over him, almost tearing apart his collar in the process.
"No, you are"
He said in a low voice.
My eyes remained unshaken at his lips.
In the next instant, my punch landed on his cheeks.
It was harder than I intended it to be but I could not contain my anger.
I rose up and ran out of the otherwise empty classroom.
*
(Present day)
I shouldn''t have punched him.
I hear footsteps advancing closer out in the corridor.
The door to this room slides open.
"Min-seo, the PT teacher is looking for you. You''ll have to manage without the PT uniform until the school provides it for younew students"
A girl from our class, whose name I haven''t had the chance to know. says before running back.
*heavy sigh*
I shouldn''t have acted like a brat back then no matter what my reasons were.
I walk out of the classroom with slow steps.
"you better watch out there"
I heard her chuckle before she ran down the stairs like a hurricane.
But most importantly, I shouldn''t have bullied him back then.
TO BE CONTINUED
He wouldnt, would he?
(Earlier that day)
~I''ve always tried believing that what you do comes back to you, in a greater form but today it hit me for the first time that I am no exception in the ideology.
Just as I had previously heard, this school really doesn''t have many girls.
While I struggle here to find my classroom, everyone is least interested in coming over and considering helping me out.
I had not been an unsocial nerd all my life but things happen, you know? Things that unexplainably affect you to such an extent that you consider tearing up your whole personality.
If I went on in this topic then it''ll take me hours to reach my classroom. I''d certainly not want to enter my class after the bell rings.
This looks like it, 2A it says.
That''s it! I checked the tiny paper I was given by the school administrator earlier.
The door to the room was open and students kept passing through the door with their respective friends.
Taking a huge breath, I walked into the class full of students standing here and there.
The room turned quiet for a while with their glances slowly dropping over me but fortunately, the bell rang immediately and everyone started settling down. I walked over to the third bench of the middle row that had my name pasted on it.
There was an extra pair of benches in the corner''s extent of the room, which meant this new bench was set up for me.
I lowkey wished to sit back there but since I was allotted here, I didn''t want to make a fuss.
Sitting down, I covered the side of my eyes with the curled bangs that forbade me from matching anyone''s stare. Making conversation is no longer my thing.
"I almost thought you''d ditch school today, man"
A cheerful voice spoke from behind.
How are people so enthusiastic on the very first chilly day of the year?
I was just occupied in my own thoughts when I turned my head forward to see the guy he was calling out for.
"Traffic can-"
He couldn''t finish for his mips froze as soon as my eyes met his.
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Heart throbbing.
Gaze unhinged.
Lips stunned.
We remained that way until I pushed my eyes on the empty desk.
No, please... anything but this.
A cold sweat appeared unattended on my forehead while my mind was abuzz with memories from elementary school.
Every interaction, every memory, everything I did, Everything I did to...
"In-sung?"
The guy from behind probably walked up to him.
In-sung.
He doesn''t recognize me, does he? I''ve changed a lot.
My hair has grown longer, my face has gone through a series of changes and my height has had its own sort of effect too.
Then why did he look so stunned back then, his face had lost colors all of a sudden.
He has changed a lot too, as much as I could see in the brief moment just now. But his eyes... his eyes have always been like that, sharp... they pierce souls with just a stare. The eyes that spared no tears-
The door closed sternly and the class turned silent.
"Good morning students"
My head rose up as soon as I heard the teacher''s voice.
"Good morning mam"
Everyone said in unison. Some attentively, some very casually.
"You''ll need some more energy for this year"
The comparatively younger teacher said with a grin.
"Oh! right"
She exclaimed as soon as she looked at me.
Shit.
"We have only one new student this year in this division. Min-seo, may you please introduce yourself"
She asked a bit too politely for me to refuse.
I felt the turns in my stomach as I slowly rose up on my foot.
Earlier I had prepared a long enthusiastic-sounding speech but now I was in no mood to speak or even remember everything I needed to say.
"Hello everyone,"
I started, after having a hard time looking up.
Everyone''s eyes were fixed on me but mine were hovering trying to not look at someone specific at a time. That gives me anxiety.
"I''m Min-seo..."
I tried.
I could not feel my dry throat anymore.
My eyes as if very determinedly decided to sit on that one person I would rather want to avoid the most.
He is looking at me, with coal-black eyes probably way darker than usual.
Just by that, it felt like he held a grudge... like he should. His thoughts are probably abstract in all the rage his heart holds for me.
I looked down on my shoes when it felt like I was turning into ashes in the rage of fire he non-verbally threw at me.
"I don''t intend to make friends here. Don''t mind me being around"
I say without a thought, my hands turning into loose fists.
"Huh?"
"Did she really just say that?"
"Woah... She is so full of herself"
The room filled with whispers as soon as I bowed slightly before walking back to my seat.
As I tried to bury all the noise around me with my own thoughts, one calm remark made its way through the cloud of protection I managed to make in my head.
"Such a loser"
Even when In-song''s voice has changed a lot, I was not mistaken in recognizing his voice. His tone.
While my eyes widened on my bench involuntarily thinking of him saying that, I instantly regretted being so casually bold on the front.
A new round of stunned whispers started circulating suddenly.
"Did you hear that?"
"When did In-song start picking on people?"
"He was too good to be real anyway. This is better"
A cold shiver ran down my spine thinking of something I hadn''t considered before.
He wouldn''t probably be such a...
No, you are... a loser
The memory kept rewinding until the maths teacher started making noise on the board with her broken chock.
TO BE CONTINUED
Dodge it if you can
The students had eventually shifted to the basketball court since the sky was turning dark.
The girl I followed, had entered long before I did.
While I stood outside the broad doors to the court, I felt a sudden rush of anxiety in my skin. It was far from being just anxiety, perhaps the mix of guilt in it?
I adjusted my hair over my face before stepping into the arena.
The students were all scattered here and there among their respective common groups.
I was the only one who was not wearing the PT uniform.
"Look, she is here,"
The class monitor, I assumed, informed the busy teacher.
The coach looked sturdy, rough, and ignorant.
"What''s your name?"
He asked pointing me to come forward and so I did.
"Min-seo"
I replied, trying to keep my voice strengthy.
The moment one shows they are weak, some predator finds a way to get to them - I speak from my own history.
Except for the fact that the one I chose to harm back then was not as weak as I assumed... not at all.
The teacher wrote that down on the board he held.
"It''s the first warning of the weak, you must not forget your uniform from the next day"
He said.
"But I''ve not received my uniform yet"
I blurted in a hurry as I watched him clap drawing everyone''s attention here.
"That is not my concern mam"
He emphasized quite sternly this time.
His eyes glared for a while as a warning before he went back to the center position.
While I knew the way he said that was unjust, I cannot argue on the fact that it truly doesn''t concern him. Giving a warning card although, is a bit too much.
I sighed as I took some space at the side of the mass of people around the coach.
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"Looks like someone is minding your presence hard, Min"
Two girls, giggling by the side, said while looking at the coach whose mood had degraded slightly.
"Don''t call me that"
I hissed while I clutched the side of my skirt.
"We are to decide that"
They walked off to the other side.
''Min''
That name was once so full of love, admiration, and care. My friends, family, and teachers addressed me as Min all my childhood. Then where along the line of time the name lost all of it''s charm? How does it sound so dull and tiring now?
Min-seo suits better, stronger than Min ever was.
"Students, make a group of two and stand in a circle"
The teacher instructed.
"And what about her?"
The monitor asked quickly pointing at me, more concerned than I was.
"Wait till I come back then"
He instructed before wandering off with the same sheet of paper.
The circle loosened and everyone scattered back to their positions again.
I''m partly relieved that I did not receive the uniform yet, or else I would have had to beg someone to make a team with me.
I looked to the glass windows on the side where little rays of the sun came spurring in through the gaps of the clouds.
I really don''t think it''ll rain today.
*Yawns*
While I whipped off a tiny tear from the side of my eye, I heard a distinct footstep directed this way.
"Let''s play dodgeball until Mr. Kim arrives"
I turned to the sound with a certain displeasure.
It''s weird to look In-sung in the eye every time I try but now that he''s talking directly aiming at me, I must.
"Who''ll dodge?"
A certain mockery-filled laughter drew into the scene from the boy standing behind him.
I hadn''t realized I was already frowning wide.
"You, new-girl"
He said stepping forward.
I could feel my palms go cold.
"What was your name again?"
He asked, playing with the ball while he stopped about six feet away from me.
I could feel my head tilting a bit on the side.
Has he really forgotten me?
*Throws*
Responding to my reflex I stepped on the side inches away from the point the ball was about to hit me.
"What are you doing?"
I say before I could think.
His lips curled all of a sudden and his eyes were amused.
Someone picked up the ball from behind, I heard.
His eyes moved from my right eye to my left eye and then back to the right eye as if conversing inaudibly through them.
Magically enough, It seemed like I could read them.
It felt like they said, ''I wondered the same back then.''
Is this it then? Is this karma hitting back?
My eyes were struck to the floor, brainstorming everything that happened that day.
"Dodge it... if you can"
I heard him say while he turned back and walked into the circle that had formed eventually.
The ball struck the back of my head and I almost fell to the ground.
Straightening my skirt to my knee from the middle of my thighs was the first thing I did with the throbbing pain I felt on the cold floor.
Waves of laughter filled up the room.
"Know your place girl. We are not dying to be your friends either"
Words stating the same came out of different mouths in different ways while the ball kept circulating in groups, flying at me at times.
It was the same back then, one starts it and everyone else keeps letting it persist... the rage, the disgust.
I stood back up, my eyes filled with tiny hot tears.
The lashes of my eyes perhaps refused to let them fall.
The second hit was on my arm and the third was on my hip.
I sat on the ground feeling a wave of shame washing over me but all I felt was the backlash of a pair of eyes that watched its predator get prayed by a tribe of steel troupes.
By the time the teacher arrived, I had sneaked out of the school from the tiny hole in the back wall of the school boundary, my sister had told me about in her days of schooling.
I was wrong, It did rain that day and I was not equipped with an umbrella whatsoever.
TO BE CONTINUED
A dreamy voice in the dull corner
The bulb on our floor has started flickering again.
Our flat neighbors have moved out recently leaving the floor just to ourselves.
I unlock the door through the set of keys I carry with me all the time, drenched in rainwater.
It''s a relief that I''ll be here alone for a few days now. At least I''ll be able to drown in my own actions now without any disturbances.
It was just the first day and I feel so sick inside.
No matter how much I try I cannot ignore the fact that it all is happening because of what I did back then.
Walking into the bathroom I started pulling off my uniform one by one.
There is this one part of me that believes that this enduring might be a way of getting rid of the immense guilt I have been unconsciously holding on to for all these long years.
I step into the sizzling hot shower.
A sober groan leaves my dry throat as I trace the mark near the side of my neck.
Pulling the wet damp hair on the other side I let the pain of the wound run off with the stress.
I let out a heavy sigh.
The hazy portrait of my mother appeared in front of my teary eyes.
If you were here, would you hate me too?
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I was a bit too emotional when I walked out of the bathroom covered in the soft towel when the grumpy face of the coach almost repeated his words in my ear.
"WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THE UNIFORM TOMORROW?"
*
"Shhh"
The librarian lady hissed as I struggled to close the entrance door of the library behind me.
"The door is too old for not making a single noise"
I whispered to her before pushing it back rigorously, giving rise to the hoarse noise.
She shook her head in disapproval as I apologized inaudibly.
Her whispered taunts did not, although, stop.
I looked around for a while and not more than three students sat at the desks. They didn''t mind the noise much, did they?
After noticing their silent glares my way, I disappeared into the shelved maze.
Looks like they did.
The day so far in school has been busy. The good news for me is that no one got the chance to pull a fight with me.
It looked like In-sung was deliberately avoiding me today.
What more could I ask for?
The class monitor along with In-sung has been very busy today with the farewell ceremony of the seniors, to which we are not invited yet.
A few girls, although, did whisper something to me while I entered the class after spending a long lonely canteen hour but I didn''t bother to listen carefully. So that''s a win.
The last period like yesterday, was PT and I did not dare enter the court without the uniform today.
I heard there was a combined class today thus among the crowd of so many, no one would notice my absence.
It took me a long time to trace the library in these two jumbo-sized school buildings but finally after researching a lot, I finally found it.
"It is really displeasing to see that they have no good books here..."
I audibly showcased my disbelief as I searched through the new narrow lane of old books at the corner of the floor.
While I stepped to the side to approach a book that looked ethereal from afar, my foot tripped on a pair of legs that showed no signs of its existence before.
My face fell on my arms while my knees struck on the hard floor making my bones shudder a bit.
"Ouch"
I groan in pain while trying to detangle that one foot from mine.
"What do you think you are doing geek?"
A dreamy deep voice says as the invading foot rolls up giving rise to the half-asleep face of a guy I assume was bunking a certain class like I was.
TO BE CONTINUED
A dreamy voice in the dull corner (2)
I pull myself back while the guy I just tripped on rubs back his hair.
For the first time, he actually looks at me with open eyes.
"Who are you?"
Was his first response after my big fall.
I held on to my elbow which had eventually reddened a lot. I suppressed a groan.
Frowning at him did not alter his words though. He was too oblivious to what happened just now.
"Min-seo"
I sigh in defeat.
"Min-seo?"
His eyes traced the roof above like he was thinking deep.
"I''m new here, you won''t know me"
I say gently tapping my elbow on which my upper body fell earlier.
Very surprisingly he slept back on the floor like he was not just in between a conversation.
"What about you?"
I asked.
"Huh?"
His head turned to the side, to face me.
"Oh, woo-bin"
He said distractedly.
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"Sorry, I meant what are you doing here blocking the passage?"
I say after realizing people cannot read my mind so it is important for me to finish sentences.
A sweat of embarrassment appeared on my brow while I reconsidered being so oblivious myself.
"You look weird. Don''t do that"
The guy, Woo-bin, exclaimed sitting back up.
When will I stop expressing so much with my face?
My face turns into a stone after his remark.
"Sleeping in the last row of shelves like a ghost when you should be in your class doesn''t make you any less weird"
I taunt back looking away.
"I have reasons... what are you doing here?"
He asked very quickly changing the topic.
"I... well, I have reasons too"
I said getting up on my feet.
Even my knees hurt at this point.
Wooden floors are not good to fall on.
"Hey, Min-seo"
I heard behind me while I was making by way back to the main section.
"Yes?"
I turned back hoping for a late apology but...
"Pick up the books you scattered just now"
He says with a straight face pointing at the three books that fell around him, probably during the collision.
"You-"
I grit my teeth in disbelief while he goes back to his sleeping position, humming songs.
Very rigidly I picked up the books and placed them on their respective shelves.
"walk slowly, child"
The librarian lady said timidly looking concerned.
"Sorry"
I said walking out of the doors.
Look, not that hard... just a simple sorry.
*
"In-song?"
Lin, the class president calls from the entrance door to the basketball court.
"What is wrong with you today? The dean has asked us to submit the procedures by tomorrow and you''ve been snapping out all the time. If you are going to just stand there and stare at the ball and do nothing, then please come help me out with the printing"
She said very uncomfortably probably because she had never spoken to anyone with such command before and especially never to me but I guess she was just worried.
"Don''t you worry. We''ll make it"
I grin trying to cheer her up with the huge burden of conscience playing within me.
She crosses her arms and sighs.
"Common, let''s go"
I say walking ahead.
"Have you seen Min-seo today?"
She asked, trying to catch up with me.
"Her uniform has arrived in the class center"
She finishes.
"Even I wonder, where has she run off to so suddenly..."
I say very non-attentively.
"Did you say something?"
She asked walking to the side.
"No"
TO BE CONTINUED