《Dog Days in a Leashed World》


 1. Boss Yip-Yaps Big Plan

    <hr>


    Lowbie Area Thirty Five El Dash Jay was remarkably dull. Flat grasslands, the least whimsical scrub oak forest in all the Kingdoms of Magica and a single fetch quest lacking either breadcrumb trail or story hook combined to create the zone equivalent of a dial tone.


    It was, perhaps, the single most boring bloodbath in existence.


    By a generous estimation, LA:35L-J had precisely three interesting features.


    First: the glob of undulating possibility that churned at the far eastern side of the zone, the telltale sign of some planned or more likely abandoned dev project.


    Second: the glowing label pasted onto the Eastern Glob reading ¡°WATER FEATURE TBD¡±, a smaller label slapped directly below it blinking out ¡°DOUG: UR FIRED¡±.


    And in a particularly questionable stretch, Third: LA:35L-J had mongrels. Not goblins, not imps or croakers, but mongrels. And wasn¡¯t that interesting?


    No, not really. Sure, fine, whatever; filling every starting area with the same trash would be tedious. Goblins are the standard for a reason, but how often can one swing a sword into the same identical orangey face before ennui sets in? And mongrels are cute, at least, like waist-high puffball puppies running around on two legs trying to gnaw on people.


    Perhaps that was why mongrels were so rare as low-level fodder, while goblins were so common. When all you¡¯re getting is some boots you¡¯ll throw away in three days anyways, it¡¯s a lot easier to smoosh twenty hideous cackling gremlins with a mace than twenty anthropomorphized pomeranians.


    Still. Trash mobs exist to be killed, to be bashed with something sharp once or twice while on one''s way to a bigger zone and bigger targets for sharpened bashes. And if LA:35L-J was too boring to attract the players necessary for that particular purpose, the zone was just going to have to do something about the issue itself.


    So it wasn¡¯t long before the small outpost popped into existence in the depths of the decidedly non-magical woods, and the unaffiliated soldiers who appeared with it filed out to joylessly, methodically slaughter mongrels. With that particular box ticked, the Powers That Be turned their attentions to far more deserving places, and Lowbie Area Thirty Five El Dash Jay settled into its cycle of banal slaughter.


    The zone popped mongrels, the soldiers killed mongrels, the zone popped more mongrels, on and on ad nauseam. A dreary, meaningless horrorshow, plodding around in its rut so far to the corner of the Kingdoms that it barely even appeared on the map. Forever.


    At least, it seemed that way before.


    Before Boss Yip-Yap.


    Before his Big Plan.


    Even mongrels that had held secret doubts couldn¡¯t help but wiggle and wag in anticipation as Boss Yip-Yap¡¯s Big Plan unfolded before their very eyes. They crept as one through the brush of the Very Mundane Woods, the entire pack focused in a way that only a true leader could inspire. And always, always, Boss Yip-Yap was in the lead, carving a path to glory with his relatively enormous bulk.


    A firm nip or sternly directed whiff of scent was occasionally needed to quiet an overly excited pup, but excitement as much as respect for their Biggest kept the pack silent as the outpost loomed larger and larger.


    This outpost was the source of all their woes. Every single mongrel that had come before them had been killed by the monsters that lived inside. But no more. Tonight? That ancestral threat would be ended. Tonight, the outpost and the entire zone would be theirs again. The plan was Big, after all, and anything that was Big couldn¡¯t be wrong.


    The outpost monsters may have been strong, but they were comparatively few.


    Too few to keep a constant watch posted on their meager walls. Too few to notice the dozens and dozens of mongrels hunkered down just inside the treeline. Too few to unravel the intricacies of Boss Yip-Yap¡¯s Big Plan, at least until it was too late. And it already was too late. Yip-Yap held the pack in position for an agonizing eternity, and then threw back his head in a victorious howl as he surged forward to put his masterstroke into play. The time had finally come.


    He was finally peeing directly onto the outpost.


    The other mongrels cheered and jabbered in triumph as Boss Yip-Yap roared his success, his powerful blast of potent urine splashing all over what was now his wall like a mighty, unstoppable river.


    "Haha, yes, YES!" he exulted, shuffling around to splatter his marking torrent in a dominant swath. "This now belongs to Yip-Yap! ALL OF THIS IS NOW BELONGS TO YIP-YAP!¡±


    So frenzied were the pack''s cries and jeers that they continued to celebrate even as the first arrow burst through Boss Yip-Yap''s head, his pee stream still sputtering out even as he wobbled bonelessly on his stricken feet. The second and third arrows sent him sprawling to the ground, while the fourth and fifth could only be called bad manners.


    The cheers had mostly died down now, some diehard holdout managing a final, heartbreaking ''whoo'' before the gates to the outpost groaned open, and everyone scattered.


    Well, it was still a pretty Big plan.


    <hr>


    Shh had been pretty sure it was a terrible plan.


    But Yip-Yap was the Biggest, so his plans were also Big, right? That¡¯s how stuff works. That¡¯s just science. And he wasn¡¯t going to bring the whole pack down, just because of some doubts! No sir!


    When the call went out that the Big Plan was happening, what did Shh do? He marched straight out, got the big damn stick he¡¯d found, collected that super cool pointy rock that had fallen on his brother¡¯s head and killed him, then soundly lashed them together before rejoining the others.


    He may have had his doubts, yes. About the plan. About the pack. And sure, even about Yip-Yap. But he still brought the biggest stick, with the pointiest rock. Let any dog just try to claim he wasn¡¯t committed.


    But now Yip-Yap was dead, the outpost monsters having failed to acknowledge his obvious pee-superiority as Shh feared they might. And even a big stick with a pointy rock wasn¡¯t enough to bring the Boss back.


    Probably.


    Maybe it would. If the coast was clear the next morning, Shh resolved to come back and poke Yip-Yap¡¯s arrow-ridden corpse with his stick to see if it would bring him back to his previous Big-ness, and his previous Alive-ness.


    For the moment, though, Shh was going to keep running for his life.


    The monsters sure were killing a lot of his friends, it had to be noted, and running seemed to be the prudent play. Was Prudence also Big? Probably not, but that was the sort of philosophical musing that could wait until Shh could no longer literally feel the arrows scything past his head, or hear the sounds of his slower packmates being slaughtered behind him.


    The mongrel was so distracted by his warring desires to ponder imponderables and also not get murdered that he stumbled directly onto something soft and squirming, barely managing to keep himself upright with the haft of his stick. A quick sniff was enough to reveal the obstacle to be Mo-Mo, the runt of the pack, whimpering and writhing as she attempted to free herself from the root she¡¯d become entangled in.


    Every nerve in Shh¡¯s body screamed at him to just keep running, that Mo-Mo would be a convenient buffer between him and certain death, but he¡¯d already made the mistake of glancing down into the runt¡¯s big, pleading eyes.


    Dammit.


    Luckily, the big stick and pointy rock made quick work of the offending root. Mo-Mo scrambled to her feet the moment she was free, whimpering and blubbering her thanks as Shh tried his best to drag both of them back towards the hideout. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    It wasn¡¯t easy, to Shh¡¯s deep dismay; who would have guessed that fleeing for your life was a lot harder with a weeping puffball latched onto your side? They were getting absolutely nowhere, the increasingly desperate mongrel shuddering with every imagined arrow he was certain was about to burst through him.


    This wasn¡¯t how Shh imagined he¡¯d die, despite the extremely high probability that this was always how he was going to die. The mongrel had envisioned himself falling off a cliff while deep in a philosophical musing, or that perhaps that another, even pointier rock with his name on it was falling inexorably towards his head.


    Or, perhaps, that They would come back one day, to take him for the secrets he inadvertently stole that day.


    That last thought sometimes kept Shh awake at night, but at least it wasn¡¯t boring. Getting shot by outpost monsters? That was some real-deal boring nonsense.


    Screw it. If this was the end, Shh would rather see the arrow coming. His ears pressed flat against his head in distress, he hazarded a tremulous glance behind him towards the inescapable death he knew awaited him and Mo-Mo. But it wasn¡¯t there. The monsters weren¡¯t coming any further.


    A single ear perked up; he could still hear them in the distance, could still hear their casual massacring of his packmates. But luckily, morbidly, they must have decided to content themselves with the few dozen mongrels they were already in the process of murdering. They were no longer being chased. For the moment, they were safe.


    Which was good, because now that he¡¯d stopped running Shh realized his lungs were about to explode. He released Mo-Mo with a gasp, collapsing against a tree as his body shook itself through the aftereffects of running for his life. He wanted to laugh and weep and puke and pee, though for the sake of his overtaxed body hopefully not all at once.


    Mo-Mo didn¡¯t fully share Shh¡¯s sense of relief.


    ¡°W-we gotta go the the caaave¡­¡± she bawled, rubbing her floof against Shh in a way he¡¯d normally find soothing.


    Right now, however, the runt was simply making it incredibly difficult for Shh to catch his second wind. Not that snapping at her would have achieved anything; it would have been like kicking an actual puppy. So instead, Shh gulped down another massive lungful of air, wrapped a steadying arm around Mo-Mo, and began exhaustedly limping them both back towards the hideout. This was alright, this was fine. They were both going to be okay.


    Not many members of their pack could say that anymore. So Shh forced himself to give a sad little wag. This was the closest thing to win any of them were going to get out of Yip-Yap¡¯s Big Plan.


    Might as well give it the celebration it deserved.


    <hr>


    The cave, somehow still concealed behind its curtain of vines and brush, was as cold and damp as ever. Significantly more so now, with at least twenty fewer bodies to keep it warm. Dank as it was, though, it was the sweetest sight Shh had ever seen. Though now that they were through the immediate danger, he had to note the exact magnitude of their losses. It had taken Shh and Mo-Mo a long time to make it, and he was relatively certain there¡¯d been no one left behind them, mongrel or otherwise. So that¡¯s it, then. Shit.


    Shh allowed himself to collapse onto the ground in a heap, Mo-Mo immediately glomming onto him for comfort and warmth. Shh tried his best to stay focused, despite his body screaming at him to simply pass out and Mo-Mo¡¯s tail stress-wagging directly against his face. Unconsciousness would have been a welcome change of pace after the nightmares he¡¯d faced so far, but Shh knew that the next few hours were incredibly important for the pack¡¯s future.


    They were going to have to take stock, to fully account for who made it. And, even more vitally, they¡¯d have to figure out who was Biggest now.


    Shh immediately noticed, with no small amount of pleasure, that Gert was among the survivors. Not that it was a surprise; if anyone was going to make it out, it was her. The big, tough female was curled up sullenly at the back of the cave, purposely keeping her distance from the others as usual. Still, beyond being pleased to see that she was alive, Shh immediately discounted her as the next Boss.


    Oh sure, she was big and strong. Maybe as big as Yip-Yap, and certainly bigger than any of the other survivors. But Gert was a loner, and that wasn¡¯t the way of their kind.


    Some kinds of Bigness made you Not-Big. Shh had always been proud of that particular witticism, though he was confident that if he ever expressed it aloud he¡¯d be laughed at, and probably fed dirt. Probably by Gert.


    So who else. Only¡­ten others made it, it seemed? There¡¯s Dool, and Hi-Hi, and Fat Face, and Soup¡­hm. Was Soup Bigger than Fat-Face? Shh pondered that as he forced his back up against the cave wall, distractedly comforting Mo-Mo as the runt sniffled in and out of exhausted sleep.


    Soup was probably taller, but Fat-Face was half-again as wide. The implications of how Bigness was precisely quantified would have fascinated Shh under other circumstances, but right now he was bone-tired and really just wanted someone, anyone, to tell him what they were all going to do. And so when Hi-Hi, certainly big but probably not the Biggest, stood up and began to bark out orders? Shh was more than happy to simply drink it in.


    ¡°Okay guys!¡± The scruffy mongrel puffed himself as far as he could manage, addressing the motley crew of survivors. ¡°So it didn¡¯t work! Who knows why?¡±


    Shh opened his mouth to answer, but Hi-Hi barrelled on regardless. ¡°It was the fault, obviously, of all those guys that didn¡¯t make it! They were too small and weak! Or they¡¯d¡¯ve made it! Those dead dum-dums really messed things up for all of us!¡±


    The others murmured their agreement, though Shh couldn¡¯t help being a bit skeptical.


    Sure, obviously Hi-Hi¡¯s logic was flawless, and he was a very gifted orator. But something in that seemed¡­wrong? Whatever, Hi-Hi was Biggest now; Shh was confident the new Boss would bring it all around for them.


    ¡°It was because of dead runts like Whimmy!¡± Hi-Hi punctuated each shaming of a dead pack-mate with a smack of his paw and a burst of disapproving odor-¡±Like Flan! Like Mo-Mo!¡±


    Shh decided it was probably for the best to not interrupt with a correction about the finally-asleep Mo-Mo¡¯s survival. Instead he half-heartedly offered his agreement growls with the other survivors, trying his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.


    ¡°Those dummies got Yip-Yap killed! But don¡¯t worry, ¡®cause I know how we¡¯ll get our revenge!¡±-Hi-Hi somehow managed to find another inch he could puff himself out, now looking for all the world like the true Biggest among them-¡±I know how we can still come out on top, like we were always S¡¯POSED to! It¡¯s all thanks to my Big, no, um, my BIGGER Plan!¡±


    The entire pack was leaning forward by then, tails wagging in excitement, and Shh was no exception. Gert was, though, the big female mostly looking tired and bored. Which was crazy! The Biggest was about to give the Bigger Plan! That was, like, the biggest plan any of them had ever heard of!


    This was big!


    Hi-Hi raised a paw dramatically. ¡°I say that tomorrow, when the sun begins to set, we go back to the outpost¡­¡± He paused, drawing out the moment until the others were whining for him to go on. ¡°...and. We. All. PEE ON IT~!¡±


    The others immediately howled their approval, rapturously delighting in Hi-Hi¡¯s Bigger Plan. Shh, however, was struck by a terrible chill dripping down his spine.


    But¡­that was Yip-Yap¡¯s plan.


    That was the dead Yip-Yap¡¯s plan, and it got most of the pack killed.


    That was the Bigger Plan?


    Shh nearly choked as a thought burned its way through his brain, the realization that maybe the Biggest dog in the room wasn¡¯t necessarily the Smartest one. That Hi-Hi was the new Boss, and he was definitely sending everyone who managed to escape the night directly back to their deaths.


    Did he really pull Mo-Mo from those roots just so she could be killed the next day? Did Gert really survive one mongrel¡¯s stupid plan just so she could fall victim to an even smaller mongrel¡¯s even stupider plan?


    No. No way. Shh growled resolutely to himself, ears rising in aggravation. When this was all over, he was going to have to do some serious pondering about the realities of the whole Bigness situation? But for now, Shh only had one concern: saving everyone¡¯s stupid, pee-obsessed lives.


    And he was certain he knew how to do it, too.


    The mongrel cleared his throat, awkwardly attempting to bring up the unnatural noises that he required. Monster talk was so weird and monotone, completely lacking the nuance mongrels could manage through smells and body language. Still, this was the only way to make the secret he¡¯d been accidentally shown work.


    ¡°Mmmmrm¡­Stt¡­Strt.¡± Shh shook his head, gritting his teeth as he forced his way through the awkward mouth noise. ¡°S-strtus.¡±


    That must have been close enough, because the familiar window Shh had spent so many nights entranced by appeared before his eyes. There it was, just as always: everything that was Shh, boiled down into a few incredibly disheartening numbers:


    Strength: Two


    Agility: Two


    Toughness: Two


    Intelligence: Two


    Wisdom: Three


    Presence: Four


    Not particularly flattering. Especially that ''Two'' for Intelligence. Talk about a friggin'' hard dose of reality.


    But the mongrel found the numbers¡¯ cruel truths hard to argue against. And that at least he had two stats that were a big Bigger! Even then, though, the overall picture wasn¡¯t great. Assuming Shh was close to a standard specimen, his discovery of the Status Screen proved one thing conclusively: mongrels absolutely deserved their place at the bottom of the heap. And without some sort of change, they were going to stay there.


    Shh¡¯s eyes slipped past the bad news and focused on the good: Level One, Experience Zero. And yeah, those stats didn¡¯t immediately seem promising, but for some reason they made something tickle in the back of the mongrel¡¯s head. Shh knew that¡­hrm. He didn¡¯t know anything, honestly. Mongrels may be at the bottom right now, but maybe they didn¡¯t have to stay there. And the only way left to go was up. Maybe, they could climb their way up. Above the outpost monsters. Out of this boring, abandoned zone. Out to¡­well, who knew?


    This was it. The Biggest Plan. And Shh only had a few hours to get everyone else on board, or they were all dead.


    <hr>

 2. No One Pup is a Pack

    <hr>


    Shh carefully extracted himself from Mo-Mo¡¯s unconscious yet ironclad cuddle grip, the runt faintly whining but curling up to continue sleeping all the same. There was no reason to wake her; Mo-Mo had always tagged along with Shh, even before he¡¯d literally saved her life. He had to believe that whatever his plan was, she¡¯d be eager and willing to follow along.


    Unfortunately, even that level of diehard support got him precisely nowhere with the rest of the pack when it came from the runt. It probably hurt his chances a bit, frankly. The rest of the mongrels didn¡¯t think highly enough of Mo-Mo to realize she was not in fact dead, let alone enough to give her opinion an ounce of consideration.


    So yeah. Not exactly a big ¡®get¡¯.


    No, if Shh wanted his final gambit for the pack¡¯s future to succeed, he needed to secure some real heavy-hitting support. Some undeniable moral high ground. And to mongrels, that meant one thing: getting someone as Big or Bigger than him to nod along with all the things he had to say.


    Might as well go for the most valuable prize first. Luckily, Shh was a master of persuasion.


    Gert narrowed her eyes at the sight of Shh slowly scooting towards her on his butt, humming nonchalantly and cleverly keeping his eyes locked elsewhere.


    This was good. This was going well. Something else, clearly not Shh, prompted a sigh from the big female, and a moment later she was looming over the smaller mongrel.


    ¡°What do you want, Shh.¡±


    Shh gulped, his totally casual humming fading away as his mind raced. Actual interaction didn¡¯t start until Phase Six of his Amazingly Big She-Won¡¯t-Get-Mad Approach Scoot.


    Still, even perfect plans could run into snags; Yip-Yap proved that.


    He sheepishly rose to his feet, wringing his paws together as he tried to jump ahead to his perfect crafted greeting. This was tougher for him than he¡¯d hoped it would be. Like, he was pretty sure Gert was a friend?


    But she¡¯d always made Shh feel super nervous, even when their lives weren¡¯t on the line. She was bigger than him, bigger and better and she¡¯d made him eat a lot of dirt over the years. It was tough not to just tuck tail when in the presence of such obvious pup perfection.


    Still. Best to just get on with it. Master of Persuasion.


    ¡°Oh, h-hey Gert! What¡¯s, um, up? What¡¯s been up?¡±


    Flawless. She¡¯s been totally put at ease by this perfectly crafted chit-chat. Shh was the best at this.


    Gert¡¯s eyes narrowed even further. ¡°Watching Yip-Yap die. Me almost dying, too.¡±


    Shit Shh was the worst at this! Master of Persuasion?! Friggin¡¯....bluh.


    Shh somehow managed to keep stumbling forward, even though he was now convinced Gert would be shortly forcing him to eat dirt.


    "O-oh, right, um, m-me too? I remember that happening, I was there too, so I, ah, saw when, you know, it-"


    ¡°What. Do you want. Shh.¡±


    This was just awful. ¡°Um, w-well it''s sort of about that? About dying? Er, I don''t....I don''t wanna die."


    The big female simply stared at Shh for an unbearable moment, the mongrel¡¯s chest clenching as the phantom taste of inevitable dirt filled his mouth. The beating of his own heart was so loud in his own ears that he nearly missed Gert¡¯s eventual reply.


    ¡°...I don¡¯t, too.¡±


    Oh wow, could this still work somehow?! Shh¡¯s nearly-tucked tail perked up into a tense but excited medium-high wag as he leaned in, intent on making the most of this opening.


    ¡°Y-yeah, I know, right?! Dying would be the worst! And, and you know¡­¡± He leaned in conspiratorially, Gert barely inclining her head forward in response, ¡±I don¡¯t think Hi-Hi¡¯s plan is gonna work. I don¡¯t, um, think it¡¯s a very Big plan.¡±


    Gert sniffed. ¡°He¡¯s Bigger than you.¡±


    ¡°I know, I know,¡± Shh raised his paws in placation, ¡±I know he¡¯s Big. I just don¡¯t think his plan is Big.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡±


    Shh didn¡¯t entirely get it himself. ¡°W-well, you¡¯re Bigger than him, right? Shouldn¡¯t we do whatever your plan is?¡±


    Gert sniffed again. ¡°I don¡¯t have a plan.¡±


    This would have been the perfect moment for Shh to boldly match Gert¡¯s gaze, his back straight and ears unfolded. So Gert would finally see that even if she was technically looking down at him, they were really eye to eye.


    Partners. Maybe equals, even.


    She had size, he had smarts, and together? They could give the pack a new future.


    But this had already been a trying night, and such a display of bravado proved to be one hurdle too many. So instead, the mongrel tapped his claws together, averted his eyes, and just hoped he¡¯d managed to keep at least some of the whimper out of his voice.


    ¡°Um, then, maybe I could tell you my plan? And if you like it, you could¡­tell the others that? And maybe they¡¯ll think it¡¯s a Big plan?¡±


    He didn¡¯t need to look up to confirm that he¡¯d failed. His Biggest Plan was already dead, and soon all of them would be too. Shh had already started to turn away, his tail tucking in finality, when the big female spoke up.


    ¡°Why¡¯d you take so long to get back?¡±


    Shh blinked, his head tilting sharply to one side. ¡°Huh?¡±


    Gert simply continued to stare at him, her features as inscrutable as ever. ¡°When we all ran. I was near you when Yip-Yap died. Why¡¯d you take so long to get back?¡±


    It took tilting his head back to the other side before Shh decided to just take the question at face value. ¡°Because I¡­stopped to help Mo-Mo?¡±Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    ¡°Oh. She was stuck?¡± Shh nodded and Gert¡¯s eyes sharpened. ¡°You were dumb. You should both be dead.¡±


    This was so weird. Was she mad they¡¯d survived? Shh didn¡¯t think so, but even still he was completely baffled by where this was going.


    ¡°Um. Yeah? I agree?¡±


    "Yeah.¡± Making sense of the combination of scents and body language roiling off of Gert was more than than Shh could decipher, but for some reason it completely un-tucked his tail. ¡°I do like Mo-Mo, though.¡±


    ¡°Me too?¡± Shh¡¯s ears perked up as Gert¡¯s own pair slightly flattened, the big female grumbling something under her breath. ¡°Huh? What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Nothing, I said nothing.¡± Gert scowled furiously, her ears shooting forward aggressively. ¡°I didn¡¯t say I liked anyone else.¡±


    Shh didn¡¯t need to know what was going on here. All he needed to do was recognize what this ultimately was: an opening.


    And he knew exactly the secret weapon to bring to bear against his already off-balance packmate. ¡°If you help with my plan, I¡¯ll give you that big stick I found with the pointy rock tied onto it.¡±


    Gert¡¯s scowl didn¡¯t change, but the way her tail immediately shot up into a completely unsubtle wag was impossible to miss. Shh scampered back to his cubby, in such a rush to present the big female with his offered prize that he nearly tripped over its length as he dragged it back. He dropped to one knee, presenting the stick and pointy rock with all the ceremony it deserved.


    ¡°Pretty great, right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Gert took the makeshift weapon with reverent paws, the stick easily as tall as she was. She gave the pointy rock tied to its end a little poke, wonder in her normally glaring eyes, too awestruck to remember her previous annoyance or attempt to hide her growing grin. ¡°Okay.¡±


    Shh¡¯s ears shot up. ¡°Really? You mean it?! Don¡¯t you want to hear what the plan is first?¡±


    ¡°Nah.¡± Gert hefted her new stick and pointy rock firmly. ¡°S¡¯your plan, so it¡¯s smart.¡±


    She took a few experimental swings, deep satisfaction registering across her usually severe features. Then, an eye narrowed at Shh. ¡°I¡¯ll get to smash stuff though, right?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah. For sure. Lotta smashing.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± She tried out another big overhead swing. ¡°Go away now. I want to be alone with the stick.¡±


    Shh¡¯s enthusiastic farewell was wasted on Gert, the big female completely ensconced in a world that only involved her, her new stick, and an endless supply of things for the two of them to bash together.


    Whew. It was a bit touch and go there for a moment, but Shh was beyond to moon to have started the Biggest Plan with an absolute win. With Gert at his side, he had no doubt that nearly all of the others would at least hear him out. With one notable exception, at least.


    Unfortunately, that exception had just finished declaring himself the new Boss. Tricky.


    Still, there was a proper way to do this stuff. Even if Shh had never liked Hi-Hi and even if Shh seriously doubted the other mongrel¡¯s ability to find a future for his pack, he was technically the leader. If Shh had a problem, and took it to the full pack before bringing it up to the Boss? It simply wasn¡¯t how mongrels did things.


    Like it or not, Shh had to give Hi-Hi a chance.


    It was somewhat convenient, then, that the mongrel in question grabbed Shh roughly by the shoulder as he wandered back towards his cubby, irritation unmistakable in his scent.


    ¡°You¡¯re already making trouble? You troublemaker?!¡±


    Shh stiffened at the sudden confrontation, his ears flattening as Hi-Hi glowered at him. How was his plan already found out?! Did becoming Boss give you mind powers or something? His mind fumbling desperately, Shh attempted to recover¡­


    ¡°Huh? What¡¯d I-¡±


    ¡°Shut up already!¡± Shh¡¯s had to swallow his response as Hi-Hi roughly pressed his paw to the other mongrel¡¯s lips, ¡°Why do you never shut up, Shh? Talk talk talk, that¡¯s all you ever do. Sheesh! I mean, sheesh!¡±


    Hi-Hi glared at Shh for a moment, then moved his paw off his packmate¡¯s mouth by an inch. ¡°Say that you talk too much.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I-¡±


    ¡°Ugh you¡¯re the worst. Say that you¡¯re the worst.¡±


    Shh¡¯s stare went flat, locking onto Hi-Hi¡¯s as his ears started to push forward. ¡°I¡¯m the worst.¡±


    Hi-Hi stared back at Shh for a long moment, wheels visibly turning in his head as he attempted to decide whether that response was sincere, or mocking. At length, predictably, he opted for the interpretation that was flattering to him.


    ¡°Good. So you know, at least. That¡¯s who you are, straight down to the ground.¡± He pulled his paw away from Shh¡¯s mouth, but didn¡¯t release his shoulder. ¡°So why are you so bad, huh? Why are you messing up stuff for everyone?¡±


    Whatever. Shh was about to go defend his plan to Hi-Hi anyway. As annoying as this confrontation was, at least it saved him a bit of time.


    ¡°I¡¯m not messing up anything. I think this¡¯ll be good for us.¡±


    ¡°What? Ha! Ha-Ha!¡± Hi-Hi threw back his head and laughed, scornful and deeply performative, before squinting a cutting eye at Shh. ¡°She¡¯s never been good for us, Shh. She¡¯s the worst! Say that she¡¯s the worst.¡±


    He quickly held up a paw. ¡°Wait. Um, say she¡¯s the worst, but also that you¡¯re the second worst.¡±


    Shh could only blink. ¡°What? Who¡¯re you-¡±


    ¡°Oh don¡¯t play dumb, you dum-dum.¡± Hi-Hi poked Shh hard in the shoulder. ¡°I mean Mo-Mo! Why¡¯d you save that useless runt?!¡±


    Wait. So Hi-Hi hadn¡¯t figured out Shh¡¯s plan? He was¡­.wait, what was he mad about?! ¡°You¡¯re¡­angry that I saved Mo-Mo?¡±


    ¡°Uh, yeah? Obviously? Why¡¯d you do that?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s our packmate.¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡± Hi-Hi blew out a scornful raspberry. ¡°Sure she is. Useless little runt. She would have been way more useful dead! Don¡¯t you know that if there¡¯s less than ten mongrels around, the zone pops a bunch more?¡±


    That was true. But¡­was Hi-Hi really suggesting what it sounded like he was suggesting? Shh was so struck by the thought that he found his mouth responding before his emotions could catch up.


    ¡°There¡¯d still be eleven of us, though. That¡¯s more than ten, still.¡±


    ¡°You think I don¡¯t know that? I¡¯m the Boss; if you know something I know it too, only bigger and better and way way bigger. Obviously we¡¯d have to get rid of the next couple smallest, too.¡± Hi-Hi must have seen something in Shh¡¯s gaze at that, because he huffed and rolled his eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t mean you, stupid. You¡¯re not that small. It¡¯s Half Tail and Blep. And then some others, maybe, but we¡¯ll talk about that later.¡±


    Shh stared directly into Hi-Hi¡¯s eyes, his ears pricked fully forward and his tail completely vertical. ¡°I like Half Tail and Blep.¡±


    Hi-Hi stared right back, cold as ice. ¡°I don¡¯t care what you think.¡±


    With a firm twist of his shoulder, Shh dislodged himself from Hi-Hi¡¯s grip. ¡°I¡¯m going to sleep. Tomorrow¡¯s gonna be a big day.¡±


    Once more, Hi-Hi opted to interpret this reaction in the way that flattered him the most.


    "That¡¯s right. You gotta be rested and stuff for my Bigger Plan. Just do what I say and shut up a bit more, Shh, and you¡¯ll be fine, probably. Maybe you¡¯re a bit Bigger than I thought.¡± His teeth flashed threateningly. ¡°Or maybe you¡¯re a bit Smaller. We¡¯ll see how well you do what I say, yeah?¡±


    Something in the grunt Shh gave in reply must have sounded close to an affirmative, because Hi-Hi twisted around to swagger back to his cubby at the back of the cave. For his part, it was all Shh could do to stomp back to where Mo-Mo was still snoozing and flounce down in a cold rage, his whole body trembling in anger even as the little fluff ball cuddled into him.


    So that was how Hi-Hi wanted to run things, was it? That was how Hi-Hi saw his duty to protect his packmates? Huh. Interesting.


    Whelp. Hi-Hi had his chance. Now Shh could do this the way he wanted. Good.

 3. The Great Hi-Hi and Shh Debate

    The next morning found the survivors of the pack beaten and bruised, yet still brimming with excitement for what the day would bring.


    Sure, they¡¯d had some missteps. A lot of them had even died.


    But there was a new Big Plan, and that was always a reason to be excited. And it was even a Bigger Plan? The idea that there was a level beyond Big was startling and new, clearly the sign of a bright future for all of them. And there was only one pup to thank.


    Boss Hi-Hi puffed himself up as he strutted around the hideout, graciously accepting the praise and admiration of his underlings as they went about their morning.


    He¡¯d envisioned this a thousand times, and it was even better than he could have ever dreamed. He knew he was Biggest; he¡¯d always known he was Biggest. He was probably bigger than Yip-Yap, even!


    Maybe not by much, but by at least a hair or two.


    A paw¡¯s length. Maybe a full arm, even.


    Hi-Hi had been a full double arms¡¯ length taller than Yip-Yap and the fact that the others were only just now recognizing his obvious immensity just showed how desperately they needed his amazing leadership.


    But that was fine. Once the runts were cleared away, a nice fresh batch of mongrels would appear for him to mold and shape. Mongrels who¡¯d never even heard of that tiny imposter Yip-Yap.


    Mongrels who¡¯d only ever known Boss Hi-Hi.


    And once they were his, maybe he¡¯d re-evaluate the actual size of some of these other pups. It seemed to Hi-Hi that anyone who¡¯d been around long enough to remember not calling him Boss may very well be a secret runt.


    It was always good to have options.


    On that note, it was time to deal with Mo-Mo and Half Tail and Blep. Where the hell was Shh? Loathe as Hi-Hi was to admit it, he knew he¡¯d need that jerk¡¯s help. That itty-bitty speck Yip-Yap had once said Shh¡¯s head was good and the rest of the dum-dums in the pack believed it.


    Idiots.


    Still, it meant that Shh could be useful in getting the others to accept a plan that was maybe a bit¡­advanced for them to grasp. So where in the hell was he?


    One deep sniff later and Hi-Hi found himself joining a growing crowd at the mouth of the cave. What was going¡­oh. Oh of course. Shh had gathered everyone up and of course he was talking. He never shut up. Ugh. Ugh. He even had some others standing with him? What could possibly be going on?


    Hi-Hi immediately noted and just as quickly decided to not to focus on Gert. There were some, after all, who¡¯d claim that the female was Bigger than him.


    Absurd! And some others might note she was stronger than him, too. Outrageous, unBig! And bluh, where¡¯d she get that huge stick with that amazing pointy rock tied to it?!


    Hi-Hi totally wasn¡¯t jealous; his huge stick with a pointy rock was in his soul. Still, he didn¡¯t like having to meet Gert¡¯s eyes. For very Big, very Boss-like reasons.


    The other one was Mo-Mo, and she was trying just as hard to avoid Hi-Hi¡¯s eyes as he was pointedly avoiding Gert¡¯s. That worthless little wad of fluff. Why even bother?


    Which just left Shh, who actually had the sand to stare his own Boss directly in the eye.


    Hi-Hi knew it.


    He knew that Shh thought he was smarter than everyone, even smarter than him. That Shh¡¯s insane ego and unbearable pride were too much of a distraction for him to ever be a true member of the pack. He should just shut up and do what his Boss tells him to do. Right? That¡¯s how this works.


    Well whatever. Hi-Hi didn¡¯t need to waste time listening to whatever egghead nonsense Shh had cooked up this time. All he needed to do was march right up there and uh wait, are the others nodding along to this? Hi-Hi¡¯s ears flattened slightly as he glanced over at the rest of his underlings, noting with growing concern that even Crunchy and Soup were hanging off of Shh¡¯s every word.


    Those were his closest followers. If even they were listening to what this dum-dum was saying, Hi-Hi might even be¡­


    The mongrel decided he better listen, too, and figure out how to undercut whatever this was. Fast.


    <hr>


    ¡°...And that¡¯s why¡­I just don¡¯t think this is a very Big plan.¡±


    Shh held his breath as the others began to immediately chatter and yelp amongst themselves. He couldn¡¯t blame them. As far as he knew, this was an utterly unprecedented event in the pack¡¯s history.


    No one had ever questioned the Bigness of a Boss¡¯s plan before, no one. But he was convinced now more than ever that even if Hi-Hi¡¯s plan somehow was Big, Hi-Hi himself would make a singularly Small boss. He wants to protect his pack by throwing them away?


    That was no Boss Shh would ever follow.


    It was good that he¡¯d fully resolved himself to that fact too Because barely before Shh had finished his speech, Hi-Hi had already pushed his way through the crowd to stomp towards the orating mongrel, his eyes practically bursting from his head with anger.


    Gert¡¯s hackles rose, the big female preparing to heft her stick, but Shh shook his head to stop her.


    A fight would have been the traditional way to settle this, to decide who was Biggest and who got to make the Big Plans. But Shh couldn¡¯t convince his packmates that Big wasn¡¯t always Right by convincing them he was Biggest and therefore right.


    Well, actually, no; that would definitely work. But it didn¡¯t feel right.


    The outline of a very Big Idea¨Cperhaps the Biggest one in the history of the pack was beginning to show itself to Shh¨Cand he simply had to follow that scent wherever it took him. And right now, it was telling him to try and talk this out.


    So Shh and Hi-Hi stared each other down for an unprecedented length of time, the latter baring his teeth and rumbling in outrage and puffing out his fur as Shh simply stared back, as calmly as he could manage.


    Which was¡­well, much calmer than he¡¯d expected.


    Was this really this easy? A simple snarl from any Boss should have prompted a tail tuck and a spritz of surrender pee, but the longer Shh took in Hi-Hi¡¯s confrontational display, the sillier it all seemed. And so he simply stared back.


    The others were clearly taken aback that Shh hadn¡¯t folded yet, buzzing amongst themselves. Hi-Hi must have heard them as well, because he was the one to grudgingly break the silence.


    ¡°Well what¡¯s your Big plan then, huh? Huh?!¡±


    Shh sucked in a quick breath. Okay. Here goes. ¡°Do you remember a few months back, when that little orange guy came through?¡±


    The murmurs from the rest of the pack grow a bit more intense before an excited hand shoots up.


    ¡°Ooo! Um, yes! That guy! He was a goblin!¡±


    ¡°Yes, exactly! Good job, Sploot!¡± The particularly fluffy mongrel¡¯s tail waggled with furious pride as the pups around him praised his Big memory. ¡°Do you remember what he said he was doing?¡±


    Sploot¡¯s tail began to slow as he realized that no, he didn¡¯t. ¡°Uhh¡­¡±


    Shh quickly jumped in to help the floundering mongrel. ¡°He said that he was like us, he was weak and small and guards killed him and his pack mates all the time, too! And even,¡± Shh¡¯s voice caught in the back of his throat, an involuntary shudder running down his back. When he spoke again, his voice had dropped to a whisper, ¡°...even Players.¡±


    The chattering crowd went quiet at that.


    Even Hi-Hi quickly glanced around to make sure that no one had crept up on them. None of them had ever seen a Player before and not one of them was eager to ever do so. Something stronger than the outpost monsters? But Shh had.


    It was the seed that had grown this entire plan. Not that they needed to know that, yet.


    He continued on. ¡°But remember what he said, right? That if he worked hard and was smart, he could get stronger.¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    The crowd gasped as one, multiple excited hands shooting up pell-mell. Shh pointed at Waggle, the excitable male bouncing up and down on his toes as he blurted out.


    ¡°You mean Leveling Up?¡±


    Shh nodded gravely. ¡°I do.¡±


    ¡°I thought we couldn¡¯t do that, though!¡±


    ¡°We can. But we need Experience Points, and the only things that give them in our zone are us and the outpost monsters. So we never found out.¡±


    The crowd all but exploded in chatter at that. There was no question that this was Big. The higher mysteries of the world were inscrutable to mongrels and not particularly relevant at that, but they¡¯d always vaguely understood the rough outline of how the basics worked¡­


    Leveling makes you Bigger. Simple as that. But they¡¯d never heard of a mongrel ever Leveling before, so they¡¯d always just assumed that path was closed to them. Even Yip-Yap had only been Level One.


    Someone called out above the noise. ¡°So you¡¯re saying we can become Level Two and¡­and beat the outpost monsters?!¡±


    The pack went wild at that, howling out in excitement as Shh tried his best to quickly get things back under control. ¡°Oh, hey! No, guys; I don¡¯t think that would be good enough. Not even close, actually.¡±


    It¡¯s quiet for a moment, and then someone cautiously piped up. ¡°...Level Three?!¡±


    They all started cheering again, and Shh could only groan.


    ¡°No. No, not even Level Three. I don¡¯t think any level of mongrel would have a chance. We¡¯re just¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°We¡¯re just too Small.¡±


    A gasp rang out at such a shocking slur, and Shh pressed on quickly before he lost them forever.


    ¡°But, but! Remember what else the goblin said! He didn¡¯t say he would just level up right? He said that if he worked really hard, he wouldn¡¯t just get a little stronger, he would become something else that was way stronger!¡±


    The pack tried its best to mull that over when¨Cto Shh¡¯s pleased surprise¨CMo-Mo softly spoke up at his side. ¡°He said he could become a hobgoblin¡­¡±


    The little pup squeaked as the eyes of the whole pack were suddenly on her, Hi-Hi clearly outraged she had the gall to announce her existence at all. She was precisely on the mark though.


    This was the whole goal of Shh¡¯s Biggest Plan. He seized the moment.


    ¡°And if they can do it, why can¡¯t we? Mongrels may not be enough, but what about whatever¡¯s next? Whatever comes after mongrels? We can¡¯t be the only ones in the world with just a single step!¡± Shh had begun pumping his arms in his growing excitement and it was lighting the rest of the pack ablaze. ¡°I bet hobmongrels are TOTALLY stronger than those dumb outpost monsters! And I bet they have a way Bigger name than hobmongrels, which is actually pretty bad!¡±


    He threw out his paws imploringly to the pack. ¡°So come on! Don¡¯t you guys want to find out what that Big name is with me and Mo-Mo and Gert?¡±


    The crowd is awash with barks and howls again, all trying to guess what their Big name would be. Was this it? Was this success? It actually worked?!


    The celebration was cut short when Hi-Hi silenced the pack with a piercing snarl, his eyes cold with fury as he slowly addressed Shh.


    ¡°Your idea is Bad. And you are Small.¡±


    Dammit. Shh was so sure he¡¯d had them, but Hi-Hi¡¯s viciously clever wit was undeniable. His closest followers were already swayed away by the Boss¡¯s debate skills, and the others seemed likely to follow.


    But Shh couldn¡¯t give up just yet. ¡°It¡¯s not-¡±


    ¡°Shut up, Shh. Always talking. Always Small. Right?¡± Hi-Hi draped an entirely unfriendly arm around Half Tail¡¯s shoulder, staring commandingly down at the smaller female as she stiffened in fear. ¡°Say that Shh is always talking and is Small.¡±


    Half Tail couldn¡¯t keep her teeth from chattering as she dutifully complied. ¡°Shh i-i-is always t-talking, a-and he¡¯s S-Small.¡±


    Hi-Hi¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°Don¡¯t say it to me. Say it to him.¡±


    The female looked up at Shh, her fluff completely un-poofed in distress. ¡°Y-You¡¯re always-¡±


    It was more than Shh could take.


    He stomped forward, smacking Hi-Hi¡¯s arm off of Half Tail¡¯s shoulder as he hissed through clenched teeth. ¡°I¡¯m not Small, your brains are Small! Get your paws off of her.¡±


    For a moment, Hi-Hi¡¯s face was nothing but fangs. But then he noticed Gert looming behind Shh. Noticed the way that the pack¡¯s sentiments seemed to be shifting. And so he shifted as well, barking a laugh directly into Shh¡¯s face.


    ¡°I have Small brains? Nuh-uh, you do! We¡¯re gonna Level up, really? You runt, you said it yourself; we can¡¯t level up!¡±


    Shh shook his head resolutely. ¡°We definitely can.¡±


    ¡°Uhh, how? You dummy? We can¡¯t beat the outpost monsters now and the only other Experience in the zone is¡­¡± Hi-Hi trailed off, eyes narrowing as he seemed to fully consider the idea for the first time. When he spoke again, there was a curious interest in his voice. And a decidedly dark gleam in his eyes as he stared down at Half Tail. ¡°...Wait. Are you saying we should-¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Even Hi-Hi was shocked by the fire in Shh¡¯s voice, the whole pack instinctively going into a half-tuck as he shoved a sharp paw into his would-be Boss¡¯s shoulder. ¡°We would never hurt other pack members, not even for Experience. Especially for Experience. That¡¯s not what we do. We don¡¯t get to be strong if it means hurting our own family, right?¡±


    The rest of the pack seemed to be in complete agreement, but Hi-Hi was still silent. So Shh pushed his paw in a bit further. ¡°Right?¡±


    Hi-Hi¡¯s eyes narrowed.


    ¡°Right.¡±


    Shh pressed further. ¡°Hurting each other is Small and Bad. And anyone who did that would be the Smallest and the Baddest. Right?¡±


    ¡°Right.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± Shh gave one more push into Hi-Hi¡¯s shoulder then raised his voice to address the whole pack once more. ¡°Okay. Now, all you guys let me and Gert and Mo-Mo show-¡±


    To Shh¡¯s surprise, Hi-Hi quickly cut in. ¡°Oh, you and Gert and Mo-Mo are gonna show us?¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡± This was not Hi-Hi¡¯s usual style, and something in the other mongrel¡¯s tone was deeply worrying. ¡°I was just-¡±


    Hi-Hi went right on barrelling over Shh, his tone light and friendly but his eyes as cold as ever.


    ¡°Shh and his buddies are gonna do their whole Big plan by themselves, guys! Woww~! Isn¡¯t that so Big?!¡± He turned his head back to Half Tail. ¡°That¡¯s Big, right? Isn¡¯t that just the Biggest?¡±


    ¡°Yeah~!¡± The smaller female¡¯s response was utterly uncoerced now, Half Tail and the rest of the pack swept up in Hi-Hi¡¯s sudden endorsement of the plan. ¡°That¡¯s sooo Big, Shh!¡±


    Gert growled over Shh¡¯s shoulder. ¡°No, he didn¡¯t say-¡±


    ¡°-That he needed very long to do it, either? Whoa, you¡¯re right Gert! He totally didn¡¯t say that!¡± Hi-Hi wagged his tail theatrically as he cried out to the pack in faux-admiration. ¡°Can you guys believe that Shh and Gert and Mo-Mo are gonna do their whole plan by themselves, and before the next Big Moon even? Let¡¯s show them our appreciation~!¡±


    The pack dropped to their haunched and howled in a celebratory unison, their tails wildly beating onto the ground in their highest display of praise and admiration. But all Shh could see was the mocking light in Hi-Hi¡¯s eyes. The Boss indulged in a smirk before speaking again, his tone suddenly reproachful.


    ¡°I sure hope you guys can do it. I mean, you really got all our hopes up. If you let us down now, after all this support we gave you?¡± Hi-Hi sighed, shaking his head. ¡°Wow. That would just be¡­¡±


    He trailed off, glancing expectantly down at Half Tail. She considered the idea for a moment, then spoke up, her little face scrunched. ¡°...um, that would be Bad. That¡¯d be really Small.¡±


    ¡°Hmm. Yeah, I think you¡¯re right, Half Tail.¡± The little female¡¯s tail went crazy at the praise as Hi-Hi gave another regretful sigh. ¡°I hope you can do it, Shh! Because if you can¡¯t? If the Big Moon comes, and you let us all down? That would be the Smallest and Baddest ever. You would be the Smallest and Baddest ever. So when that happens, and you failed? We¡¯re all gonna laugh at you, then go pee on the outpost like real mongrels.¡±


    The mongrel allowed even the pretense of friendliness to slough away from his tone¡­


    ¡°And then we¡¯re gonna pee on you.¡±


    Shh nearly staggered off his feet as the others began to shuffle back into the cave.


    There it was. The ultimate insult.


    He and Gert and Mo-Mo had practically just been thrown out of the pack. Briefly, his every instinct pleaded with him to rush back into the cave and tuck his tail and laugh. To insist that it was all a big joke and wasn¡¯t it funny and weren¡¯t they all still friends?!


    But he didn¡¯t. Mo-Mo was sniffling at his side and Gert looked ready to bash anything that made a sudden move near her. Shh wanted to make the Big Plan.


    So he had to act Big. Had to be Big.


    ¡°Our plan is gonna work, Hi-Hi! Just wait! Until then, you can just go pee on yourself!¡±


    Hi-Hi¡¯s squawk of outrage was unmistakable even from deep within the cave, but Shh was done paying him any mind. He¡¯d already spun around and begun to usher his two companions away from the hideout,


    Mo-Mo silently followed but Gert seemed unable to hold back her own concerns. ¡°But wasn¡¯t he right, Shh? Even if there are hobmongrels, or mong¡­whatevers, we can¡¯t ever be them. Where would we get the experience?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Gert.¡± Shh couldn¡¯t keep the knowing grin from his face. Basically no part of this had ended up going how he wanted, but he was still fully confident in this portion of the plan. ¡°I¡¯ve got a new friend to introduce you to. Oh, but first, we¡¯re gonna do a favor for Yip-Yap.¡±


    Shh¡¯s ears and eyes knew that Gert¡¯s response was to lay her ears down and flatly say ¡®what¡¯ but at the moment he could only hear the cheers of their future victory, could only see the future pride on the faces of all his packmates. He¡¯d had a lot of time to consider the situation through the night. And the more he pondered it, the more it became clear that the situation of mongrels was totally unfair.


    So why couldn¡¯t he be unfair back?


    The world had cheated him and cheated his packmates for his whole life, and now he was gonna cheat back.


    Even if it failed, this was going to be great.

 4. Farewells in Azure

    ¡°I just, I really don¡¯t think this will work¡­¡±


    Gert flapped a paw distractedly at Mo-Mo, still fully absorbed by the task at hand.


    ¡°Of course it will, I just gotta¡­do it¡­exactly¡­ah~ha!¡± She lunged forward with her stick and pointy rock, eyes wild with triumph as she gave the arrow-ridden corpse of Yip-Yap a mighty poke.


    ¡°There!¡± She straightened up, panting in thrilled exertion as she stared expectantly down at the puppy pincushion. ¡°It worked, right?¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± Shh crouched down, giving Yip-Yap a careful sniff. ¡°Nope. Still dead.¡±


    ¡°What!¡± The big female huffed in frustration. ¡°So we gotta poke him six times with the big stick, then?¡±


    Shh scratched thoughtfully behind his ear. ¡°I mean¡­¡­maybe?¡±


    ¡°Guys, ugh, no! Seriously~!¡± Mo-Mo stomped her feet in frustration, then doubled over as she remembered where they were. She spared a nervous glance towards the nearby outpost, dropping her voice to a whisper. ¡°It¡¯s not gonna happen. Look at him; we¡¯d need a stick, like, way bigger to bring him back to life.¡±


    ¡°I think you¡¯re right, Mo-Mo.¡± Shh sighed, offering Gert a regretful look. ¡°Sorry for getting your hopes up, Gert.¡±


    ¡°S¡¯okay.¡± Gert shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s still a great stick.¡±


    Mo-Mo seemed to have issues beyond the quality of the big stick and pointy rock on her mind, though. ¡°Shh, you¡¯re sure the monsters aren¡¯t going to come get us? The outpost is right-¡± She cut herself off as she felt her voice climbing in pitch, taking a steadying breath before trying again, ¡±...it¡¯s right there, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°No no, we¡¯re safe. There, see?¡± Shh indicated the watchtowers built into the four corners of the outpost. ¡°Empty. My brother told me about this. You know, before that rock fell on his head and killed him?¡±


    Gert nodded. ¡°Yes, of course.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, so, he said that every time the monsters kill a bunch of us? They always have a big party after and they won¡¯t notice us unless we actually try to mess with the outpost or get in or whatever.¡± He shrugged. ¡°They¡¯re ¡®drunk¡¯? I don¡¯t know what that is but that¡¯s what they are.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Mo-Mo considered that. ¡°So¡­I could yell ¡®Butts¡¯ at them? And I wouldn¡¯t get killed?¡±


    ¡°You should do that immediately.¡±


    Mo-Mo hesitated, wiggling anxiously as she worked her way through a clearly intense internal war. But then she clenched her paws, screwed her eyes shut, and barked out as fiercely as her little voice could manage. ¡°YOU BUTTS~!¡±


    Huh. Honestly, Shh had thought this would be funny? And sure, it was, but¡­they were a bunch of butts. It wasn¡¯t funny, he was just mad. The outpost monsters were such butts. So instead of laughing he joined in on the tirade, howling furious abuse at the silent outpost walls alongside Mo-Mo as Gert brandished her stick and pointy rock in solidarity.


    Eventually Mo-Mo¡¯s voice went hoarse, the little female having yelled herself into a practically spherical fluffball. She took a moment to calm down, grooming herself to a slightly less poofy state then gazed questioningly up at Shh. ¡°How much longer do we have to wait?¡±


    ¡°Dunno. Oh, did you guys check out your Status Screens?¡±


    Gert huffed. ¡°Yeah, but making those dumb sounds is the worst.¡±


    Mo-Mo perked up. ¡°I¡¯m really good at it! See?¡± She cleared her throat, then carefully opened her mouth. ¡°Stertus!¡±


    She clapped her paws, her own screen clearly having appeared before her as Gert struggled with hers. ¡°Stur! S¡­Str¡­blaaaah¡­¡±


    Eventually the big female brute forced the issue, painstakingly toiling over every syllable until she finally announced her victory with a triumphant snort. Pleased at their hard work, Shh brought his screen up as well and soon all three were pouring over the numbers that apparently defined everything they were.


    ¡°Hey Gert¡­¡± Mo-Mo glanced timidly up at her much bigger comrade, ¡°Um, what¡¯s your Strength?¡±


    ¡°Oh. S¡¯no big deal.¡± Gert was clearly pleased with herself, her tail wagging up a storm. ¡°Four.¡±


    Mo-Mo gasped. ¡°Four! That¡¯s so much!¡±


    Gert shrugged, all but basking in the praise of her superior abilities. ¡°And in Agility. And in Toughness.¡±


    ¡°Wooow~!¡± Mo-Mo tilted her head to one side. ¡°Um, how much Strength d¡¯you think the outpost monsters have?¡±


    ¡°Uh.¡± Gert blinked. ¡°Something more than Four? I guess?¡±


    Shh knew exactly how the big female felt. Whatever it was that controlled the Status Screen¨Cand maybe the whole world or whatever¨Cwas super stingy about letting them understand anything other than exactly what was on their sheets. Shh himself hadn¡¯t had any clue what was beyond Three until he¡¯d spotted his own Four in Presence, at which point it was perfectly clear. Four was more than Three. Obviously.


    Who knew what was more than Four. Probably no one. Impossible to know.


    Mo-Mo pouted a little as she returned to her own Status. ¡°Well I¡¯m only a One in all those.¡± Her ears perked up. ¡°Oh, but, my Wisdom is a Four!¡±Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Mo-Mo had more Wisdom than Shh? He had¡­not expected that.


    ¡°I¡¯m just a One in that.¡± Ger offered an embarrassed shrug. ¡°And my Intelligence is just a Two, so¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s okay!¡± Mo-Mo waggled her tail companionably. ¡°So¡¯s mine! Lucky thing Shh¡¯s around for plans and stuff, right?¡±


    ¡°Uhhh yeah.¡± Every muscle in Shh¡¯s body strained as he forced his ears to stay straight and his tail to wag. ¡°For sure. Number One Smarts Guy, right here.¡±


    Mo-Mo beamed at him, even Gert seemed impressed, and Shh had never felt like a bigger imposter. Had he hoped his Two Intelligence was actually a lot?


    Yes.


    Had he shamefully wished that, even if Two wasn¡¯t much, maybe everyone else had a One?


    Of course.


    Had he cycled through every scenario and flattering self-deception he could manage, all in an attempt to assure himself that he was the once-in-a-lifetime genius he¡¯d quietly, indulgently expected he might be?


    Obviously.


    But the facts were undeniable: Shh was just another dummy, not statistically smarter than any other mongrel. A little puff-brained dum-dum, wandering around to coo over sticks and get killed by falling rocks. Awesome.


    So how had he come up with the Biggest Plan? Shh had a theory.


    The three Mental Stats were harder to understand than the Physical ones, no question. Shh still wasn¡¯t precisely sure what the difference between Intelligence and Wisdom was, for example. But that Four in Presence held the key. Shh may not have his paws on all of the nuances, but he was fairly certain that Confidence was part of it. Shh believed in himself, believed in his dummy brains and his dummy instincts and his dummy plans.


    Shh believed in Shh. So he took action.


    It was entirely possible that any other mongrel, having witnessed the same secrets They revealed to Shh, could have come up with this ¡®Biggest¡¯ plan. And that same mongrel, lacking Shh¡¯s faith or pride or ego would have immediately realized that the plan was stupid and not bothered anyone with it.


    Shh had been forced to make peace with these facts almost as soon as he grasped them. They were all locked into his plan now, him and Gert and Mo-Mo. Dummy or otherwise. There was no changing that. He didn¡¯t have to find some justification for why the plan was great, he and his companions had to make the plan work.


    Honestly? It was kinda freeing.


    The faint bell tones that rose softly from the ground, chiming out from the bodies of their fallen packmates, prompted a welcome end to Shh¡¯s self-reflection. Mo-Mo let out a soft noise, waving away her Status Screen as she looked down at Yip-Yap.


    ¡°Is it happening?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Gert cocked an ear inquisitively, then pointed over towards one of the other small bodies. ¡°It¡¯s starting over there, I think.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Mo-Mo lowered herself to the ground, clasping her knees with her paws as she stared at the mongrel in question. ¡°Is that Sunny?¡±


    Shh slipped down to one side of her, Gert hunkering down at the other as all three of them watched the quiet little body start to glow. ¡°Uh-huh.¡±


    ¡°Whenever he caught a sparrow, he¡¯d give me the wings. He said it was ¡®cause he didn¡¯t like them but I know he did.¡± Mo-Mo sighed, eyes wistful as what remained of Sunny began to gently dissolve into floating beads of flicking light. ¡°I¡¯ll remember that.¡±


    ¡°He always made me laugh.¡± Shh offered, prompting a smile and a nod from Mo-Mo. ¡°He could make the funniest faces.¡±


    Gert shifted awkwardly as Mo-Mo giggled. ¡°I dunno what to say. I¡¯m not good at this like you two are. Sunny was okay.¡±


    ¡°Coming from you, Gert? That¡¯s high praise.¡±


    Gert folded her ears a little, glancing away in embarrassment. Fortunately, Mo-Mo provided the big female with some cover.


    ¡°Oh, Round Ears is going now. How did she get her ears so round?!¡±


    One by one the lonely little bodies of their packmates began to glow, Mo-Mo and Shh offering their memories on each as they faded away, their essence joining the growing shroud of hazy azure that pulsed within the trees. For her part, Gert offered that each of them was ¡®okay¡¯.


    Except for Turnip, who was just ¡®kinda okay¡¯. In all fairness, Turnip was only kinda okay.


    Eventually it was Yip-Yap¡¯s turn to join the others, his admirable Bigness slowly fading away. It sorta felt wrong for someone so Big to fade away just like everyone else, his essence indistinguishable from any of the other fallen mongrels as he went to join them. He¡¯d just felt so far beyond everyone else in the pack.


    It felt sorta right, too. Feelings were tough.


    At least Shh didn¡¯t have to deal with them alone. ¡°What can we even say about Boss Yip-Yap?¡±


    To Shh¡¯s surprise, it was Gert who broke the silence. ¡°He made me feel like we had a chance. I¡¯d never felt that way before.¡±


    Mo-Mo nodded empathically. ¡°Yeah, me too!¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Shh couldn¡¯t resist a sigh. ¡°Me too.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m glad, you know.¡±


    ¡°Eh? Shh cocked his head at Gert. ¡°Glad about what?¡±


    ¡°That I feel that way again.¡± Gert shrugged, seemingly at war with herself over wanting to meet Shh¡¯s eye and wanting to never look at him again. ¡°I dunno. Your plan seems weird and you¡¯re weird but¡­I feel like we have a chance, again. And I¡¯m just glad I can tell Yip-Yap that. Before he¡¯s gone.¡±


    As if waiting for that final cue, the last bit of Yip-Yap lazily floated away, swallowed up by the sea of blue just as it too began to fade. Gert sniffed once, then offered the final echoes of Yip-Yap and his fallen pack a smile.


    ¡°Goodbye.¡±


    Mo-Mo and Shh murmured their goodbyes as well, the little female¡¯s sniffles moments away from actual tears and Shh not far behind her. What had been the sad remains of a charnel ground was briefly transformed, sincere emotion and chiming azure and the fleeting wonder in even the smallest of lives creating a scene of aching beauty.


    And then the gate to the outpost began to grumble open and all three of them nearly soiled themselves.


    ¡°You said they wouldn¡¯t come! You said it, you said it!¡± Mo-Mo scrabbled across the ground as Gert grabbed her stick and began swinging it blindly, the little female desperately crawling to cover even as she shrieked at Shh. ¡°You¡¯re a butt, Shh! You¡¯re a BUTT!¡±


    She seemed particularly incensed when Shh, having gotten over the initial shock, began to cackle. Mo-Mo immediately twisted around to crawl towards him, eyes blazing as her desire to find a hiding place transmuted into a need to bite Shh on the ankles. It was all he could do to jump away from Mo-Mo¡¯s snap, barely managing to duck an errant blow from Gert as he tried his best to contain his laughter.


    ¡°Wait, wait! Guys, it¡¯s not the monsters; just look!¡±


    Mo-Mo reluctantly gave the gate another look, clearly prepared to pounce for those ankles if she didn¡¯t like what she saw. What she hadn¡¯t counted on was the sight that lay before her being not frightening, not comforting, not even neutral.


    It was just¡­ confusing.


    Gert clearly felt the same way, her manic stick swinging slowly dying down as she squinted towards the gate.


    ¡°Is that¡­¡± She sniffed towards the strange figure that emerged from within the outpost, seemingly unaware of the three mongrels as it hefted a massive bag and wandered away, ¡°....not a monster?¡±


    ¡°I¡­don¡¯t really know. But!¡± At the glares from his companions Shh hurriedly continued on, ¡°I  do know one thing.¡±


    He pointedly grandly at the strange thing as it toddled further away into the zone.


    ¡°That is the cornerstone of my Biggest Plan. It¡¯s who we¡¯ve been waiting for this whole time.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Mo-Mo rose to her feet, knocking the sticks and leaves out of her fur. ¡°So what do we do now?¡±


    ¡°Simple: We go pick some fruit.¡±

 5. From Ten Fruits, an Orchard

    ¡°This is stupid.¡± Gert mumbled as she grudgingly picked another plump purple fruit, the overladen branch audibly groaning under the burden it still carried. Clearly no one had harvested this tree, or any of the others in the small orchard, in a long time.


    ¡°I like it!¡± Mo-Mo chirped from her perch atop Shh¡¯s shoulders, grabbing a branch and giving it a solid shake to send multiple fruits plopping down to the ground. ¡°Look at how many I¡¯ve got!¡±


    Gert grumbled again, dropping her single fruit into her makeshift basket of sticks and leaves. ¡°You like it because it¡¯s the only thing you aren¡¯t terrible at.¡±


    Mo-Mo sniffled at that, but to her credit puffed up her cheeks in defiance rather than what her response previously would have been. Namely, to bawl her eyes out.


    ¡°You¡¯re just mad because I¡¯m better than you are at this! So myeh!¡± She squinted an eye and stuck out her tongue at Gert, only to squeak in surprise when the big female pushed her off of Shh¡¯s shoulders to tumble to the ground.


    Shh quickly moved between the two of them, Mo-Mo wrapping herself around one of his legs and whimpering as Gert raised her hackles. ¡°Gert, what¡¯s wrong?!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sick of this!¡± She ripped a fruit off the tree and hurled it as hard as she could into her basket. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna do this! You said I¡¯d get to smash things!¡±


    She snatched up her big stick and pointy rock from the ground, growling with barely contained need. Shh knew that he should have anticipated this; between yesterday¡¯s failures, the morning¡¯s confrontation and the afternoon¡¯s emotions? Gert needed an outlet for the things she was going through.


    And frankly, giving her such an amazing stick and pointy rock without any immediate cause to use it? Short sighted. Like throwing fuel onto the flame. This needed to be handled.


    Luckily, there were plentiful smashing targets available beyond him and Mo-Mo.


    ¡°Look, Gert¡­,¡± he started, keeping his tone and body language as soothing as possible, ¡°Why don¡¯t you give that stick and pointy rock a spin?¡±


    The big female stared at Shh, her breath coming in short aggressive bursts and her tail ramrod straight.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Give it a go! Me and Mo-Mo want to see how good you can smash stuff!¡± Shh glanced down at where the smaller mongrel was still clutching his leg. ¡°Right, Mo-Mo?¡±


    ¡°Y-yeah!¡± Mo-Mo must have actually been interested in seeing that, excitement bubbling through her previous distress. ¡°I do!¡±


    Gert¡¯s confrontational tail started to give a small wag as she gripped her stick and pointy rock a little tighter.


    ¡°Um, okay.¡± She glanced around, a touch awkwardly after her aggressive outburst. ¡°So, uh, what do I smash, though?¡±


    ¡°How about some of those?¡± Shh pointed towards a branch stuffed close to bursting with fruit. ¡°You could smash fruit real good, right?¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say we need those?¡±


    ¡°Well sure but we don¡¯t need all of them! Go on, Gert!¡±


    She stared up at the overripe purple target, so fat and round and incredibly smashable, her tongue flitting out to wet her suddenly dry lips. Then the pointy rock at the end of the big stick meteored into the waiting fruit, obliterating it into such a glorious burst of juice and pulp that it seemed silly to suggest the fruit had ever existed in the first place.


    Gert could only stare at the destruction she¡¯d wrought, her breath short in her chest again as her eyes nearly doubled in size. Then she giggled, and smashed another. And another. Before they knew it, she¡¯d decimated the entire lower branches of three of the trees, the big female beaming triumph and utterly drenched the sticky remains of her swathe of destruction.


    ¡°S¡¯cuse me, guys,¡± She drawled, a wide and contented smile looping across her face. ¡°I¡¯ma take a little break.¡±


    And then she plopped down to the ground and began to groom herself, at perfect peace with herself and the world around her. Good thing too. Shh had to imagine that his head was at least a little tougher than a big soft fruit?


    But probably by less than he¡¯d have preferred.


    ¡°Come on, Mo-Mo, let¡¯s finish up.¡± He helped the little female back up onto his shoulders, bracing his stance as she reached up to collect more fruit. ¡°Just a few more, and then we see if this all pays off.¡±


    <hr>


    Shh offered the whimpering Mo-Mo a comforting scratch behind the ear as the three of them peered out through their hiding spot in the brush, Gert stoically bearing the weight of the overstuffed fruit basket. Okay¡­ yes. This was all exactly how Shh remembered it.


    There was the little campsite with the raggedy tent and the sputtering campfire, and the bad-smelling collection of pots and tubes set a distance behind them. And there was the skinny old monster, clutching his stomach and groaning.


    He looked so much like the outpost monsters, but he just wasn¡¯t, somehow. He just wasn¡¯t scary. He had a big white beard, and thick red pajamas, and he was wearing a pot on his head. Not a single part of that was scary.


    He also didn¡¯t have any swords or arrows, which was also a notable plus.


    Time to do this.


    Shh nodded to his companions then pushed his way out of the brush, the others following at something of a distance. Gert attempted to hide her anticipation with an air of boredom, Mo-Mo¡¯s anxiety visibly slipping away as she popped her head out from behind Shh to sneak longer and longer peeks at the singularly un-intimidating monster.This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    The old monster didn¡¯t even notice their presence until they were nearly at his camp, and even then it was only because he happened to stand up for a stretch.


    When he did notice the three of them, however, Shh was a little pleased that he was clearly shocked, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own stool to fall on his butt. He scrambled to his feet and began to scour his camp for¡­well, for what?


    Ah. A weapon, apparently. All he could find was the pot on his own head.


    Undaunted, he snatched the cookware from his bald dome and shook it at the three mongrels in a manner that could charitably be called a threatening manner.


    ¡°Stay back! Y¡¯all think ya¡¯ll can catch Ol¡¯ Moots nappin¡¯?!¡±


    Shh¡­wasn¡¯t sure, actually. The gap between the mongrels and this particular monster was clearly much narrower than the one between them and the outpost monsters. Gert certainly seemed prepared to give it a go, her body tensing up in anticipation. But Shh was absolutely certain that was the wrong play.


    Because even if they did win, which was no small thing, that¡¯d be what? A level? Two? Maybe not even one! And then that would be it, no more Experience. Forever.


    No, the Biggest Plan was the way to go.


    Shh cleared his throat and stepped forward, snagging one of the purple fruits from Gert¡¯s basket. How did this go again? It¡¯d been a long time and the pup wasn¡¯t entirely sure that only the words mattered here. So he did his best to adopt the stance as he recalled it, his legs set wide and his arm confidently outstretched as he forced his mouth to form the uncomfortable words.


    ¡°Grrf¡­erm¡­kwast?¡± Ugh, language was so awkward when you couldn¡¯t use smells or tails or ears. He kept trying. ¡°You. You¡­kwast? You k-qwast? Quest?¡±


    The old monster¡¯s eyebrows shot up at that last attempt, a response spilling unbidden from his mouth. ¡°Well TARNATION! Ol'' Moots''s as hungry as he can be! Iffin y''all ''venturers''d be kind enough t¡¯bring him ten o'' those fruits he smells over yonder, why, he''d SURE''N be grateful!"


    Shh quickly shoved the fruit towards the old monster, who seemed almost as shocked by the sight of it as he was by the speech he¡¯d been forced to automatically reel through. He took a step back, his eyes darting with confused distrust between Shh and his forbidden fruit.


    Then, as if on cue, his stomach echoed out in a truly epic growl.


    Ol¡¯ Moots could only manage a groan of hunger and apprehension as he slowly lifted his trembling arm, trying to wrench his limb back and desperately snatch the fruit all at once. It took him an agonizing eternity but eventually his fingers curled around the purple treat and pulled it from Shh¡¯s paw.


    >1 of 10<


    The three mongrels stiffened as the bright little voice filled their heads. Ten. Ten was bigger than Four. Obviously. Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten.


    What was bigger than Ten? Shh didn¡¯t care. Because the Biggest Plan was working.


    If Moots heard the little voice as well, he was too distracted by his prize to pay it any mind. ¡°Ohhhh¡­It¡¯s been so long¡­¡± He shoved the fruit into his nose, taking in a deep, shuddering whiff. ¡°No one¡¯s come t¡¯bring Ol¡¯ Moots any food fer¡­¡±


    He trailed off as he noticed Shh extending another fruit, all three mongrels brightly grinning as their tails waggled in a tempest of excitement. He didn¡¯t have to think long before he took the second one, and then the third, and a few moments later he¡¯d gratefully accepted the tenth and final fruit.


    >ding<


    Gert dropped her basket with a gasp as Mo-Mo clutched hers even tighter, a wave of sensation unlike any other flooding the tiny bodies of the three mongrels. This was it. It worked.


    They were Level Two.


    ¡°Stertus!¡±


    Shh summoned his Status Screen as quickly as he could manage, his eyes hungrily absorbing his new statline.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Str: 3


    Agi: 4


    Tgh: 3


    Int: 5


    Wis: 5


    Prs: 5


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Okay. Maybe it was a proportionally small increase? Really, just a few points here and there. But when you only have a few points to begin with, even the smallest scrap seems like a banquet. They were Level Two mongrels. They were the only Level Two mongrels ever.


    Also yes that Intelligence boost yes; Shh knew he wasn¡¯t a dummy yes.


    Gert let out a delirious whoop of joy and Mo-Mo giggled uncontrollably as all three of the pups grabbed each others paws and began to dance wildly in a circle, cheering and howling and exulting in the single greatest feat in the history of their kind.


    And it wasn¡¯t just that the Biggest Plan worked. This was bigger than any one, or any trio of mongrels¡¯ victory. This was a victory for mongrels everywhere.


    This was a way forward.


    Moots had somehow already finished all ten fruits when Gert snatched another up from the basket and shoved it into his chest, her grin all but bursting off of her face. ¡°Kwast! Quest!¡±


    The old monster was grinning too, eyeing the still-stuffed basket in teary appreciation as the words tumbled out of him once more. ¡°Well TARNATION! Ol'' Moots''s as hungry as he can be! Iffin y''all ''venturers''d be kind enough t¡¯bring him ten o'' those fruits he smells over yonder- "


    <hr>


    By the time the basket had been emptied, ten fruits at a time, Moots was surrounded by picked-clean fruit stones and looked as happy as Shh had ever seen anyone. But he didn¡¯t come close to matching the three mongrels.


    Because they were Level Five and it was starting to seem like the world may have a place for them after all.


    They romped in the orchard late into the night, cavorting and laughing and dancing in glee as they filled the basket all over again. Every now and then Gert selected a particularly massive fruit and lobbed it into the air, catching it mid flight with her stick and pointy rock to blast all three of them in a shower of purple celebration. Shh and Mo-Mo cheered her on with rapturous delight, not caring about their sticky faces and matted fur.


    This was a celebration, after all. Maybe the first celebration a mongrel had ever had real cause for before. And the best part? The orchard was still stuffed with more fruit than they could ever trade or smash.


    So they¡¯d have cause to celebrate tomorrow, too. And the day after that and the one after that. For who knew how many days! Shh had no clue how far it could go and to be perfectly frank he knew that the Biggest Plan was now officially in ¡°See What Happens¡± mode.


    So he and his friend were going to celebrate. For themselves and also for their packmates who didn¡¯t even know yet that they still had a future.


    Shh had been pretty unsparing with himself leading up to this, on both his motivations and his actual value compared to anyone else in his pack. But this was an unalloyed win and he¡¯d earned a bit of self-congratulation.


    Pretty Big plan, Shh. Pretty Big plan.

 6. Returns, Diminishing and Otherwise

    The next day the mongrels took another full basket down to Moots and spent an hour giving him ten fruits over and over, completing his quest time and time again.


    Judging by the ravenous way the skinny monster attacked the oversweet things, he must have had few if any other ways to relieve his seemingly endless hunger. And the positively fruit-stuffed orchard would imply it had been quite a while since anyone else had popped by to fetch him any.


    Poor old guy. Mongrels had a rotten lot in life, but at least they never went hungry. The zone had plenty of little birds and frogs and critters so at least when they were inevitably slaughtered, it was usually on a full stomach. Had Moots tried eating birds or frogs or critters?


    Perhaps due to the benefits of his recently boosted Intellect, Shh suspected that Moots either had tried them or couldn¡¯t for some reason. Either way, he had plenty of fruit to eat now.


    That day¡¯s trip only yielded a single level, rather meager gains compared to the full five they¡¯d gained from their first efforts. But that was okay. Diminishing returns were a thing, right? If anyone could level endlessly just by snagging a few thousand fruits, the zone probably wouldn¡¯t have been quite so abandoned.


    Quests naturally gave less and less experience in proportion to your Level. Eventually they¡¯d reach a point where Ol¡¯ Moots would no longer give out any Experience regardless of how many fruits were involved.


    Shh only hoped they¡¯d reach their goal before then.


    Either way spirits were still incredibly high and continued to be high the day after, even though they hadn¡¯t yet hit Level Seven. That took another full day of grinding to obtain. Hm. Three days for one level. So how many would it be for the next?


    Well. No reason to be a tail tucker about it. Shh had absolutely no doubts that Level Eight was within reach. As for Level Nine¡­they¡¯d have to see.


    Maybe this was taking too long.


    Dropping another fruit into the basket, Shh decided to take another glance at his Status Screen.


    ¡°Status,¡± he carefully intoned, more than a little pleased at only needing a single attempt. Maybe it was the increased stats, maybe it was just practice but the mongrel was quite proud with how far his pronunciation had come. It sounded more and more like real monster talk.


    Attempts at sentences still sounded like they were being violently murdered within his throat though. Those things were tricky.


    Alright. Where had he landed after hitting Level Seven again?


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Str: 5


    Agi: 6


    Tgh: 6


    Int: 7


    Wis: 7


    Prs: 8


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Right. Just the one point in Presence.


    And his sheet was still practically barren; at some point between Level Six and Seven it had occurred to him that there should be more. Skills. Traits. Proficiencies. It made sense that a Level One Mongrel wouldn¡¯t have any of those but he¡¯d left that in the dust by now, hadn¡¯t he?


    Ugh. At this point, Shh wanted his Status Screen to say he could do cool stuff almost more than he wanted to actually succeed. Come on, World. Even one Fireball hurled ineffectually at an outpost monster would have sent him to the afterlife as one happy pup. Be reasonable.


    ¡°Gert, did your stats go up?¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡± The big female shoved her armload of fruits into the basket. ¡°Just Strength. Eight.¡±


    ¡°Eight Strength!¡± Mo-Mo gasped in admiration. ¡°The monsters can¡¯t have more than that, can they?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea. Maybe?¡± Shh shrugged. ¡°What about you, Mo-Mo?¡±


    ¡°My Toughness and Wisdom, yeah. Six and Seven.¡± She carefully lifted a caterpillar from the fruit she¡¯d just plucked. Extending her finger, she helped it crawl back onto the branch. ¡°My Strength¡¯s still only a Four.¡±


    Shh considered that. ¡°You know, that¡¯s how much Strength Gert used to have.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, when she was Level One.¡± Mo-Mo stuck out her tongue amiably. ¡°We were so little then!¡±


    ¡°Sure, but¡­you know who¡¯s still Level One, right? And is definitely weaker than Gert was? Hi-Hi.¡±


    Mo-Mo clearly had not considered that. ¡°You mean¡­I¡¯m stronger than Hi-Hi.¡±


    ¡°Absolutely.¡±


    ¡°And if I wanted to, I could¡­beat him up? A bunch?¡±


    ¡°For sure.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The little female gave her fruit an experimental squeeze, slowly lifting an eyebrow as a bit of juice ran between her fingers. ¡°Could we maybe take a break and go visit the cave really quick?¡±


    ¡°...Maybe after Level Eight. Make the little guy wait, I say.¡±


    Mo-Mo agreed, but the gleam in her eye was unmistakable. Shh liked to think that whatever else Hi-Hi was doing, he shuddered at that very moment. The would-be Boss simply couldn¡¯t conceive of the small, fluffy reckoning that was on the horizon.


    <hr>


    Level Eight took a full seven days to reach, and by now Shh was certain they weren¡¯t going to make it.


    Math was still a bit advanced for him, but he had to figure Level Nine would take at least twice as long to hit. Right? And what about after that? Would Moots be giving them any Experience at all any more?


    Not that it mattered. The Big Moon would come and go before they hit Level Nine, let alone Ten. And Hi-Hi would have led the rest of the pack to their death by then.


    Even if three three of them helped, Shh had a sinking suspicion that even at the vaunted heights of Level Eight they were well below the concern of the outpost monsters.


    There was always the option of just going back and throwing some weight around. Putting a stop to the whole business. At this point Shh and Mo-Mo were Bigger than two mongrels put together and Gert was at least three. And working as one? The pack would do anything they said. No question.


    Which would have worked. For a while. Shh had considered this exact scenario. Why not just go back and tell everyone ¡®Look, we¡¯re not gonna mess with the outpost anymore, okay? Getting shot with arrows sucks¡¯ or something?If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Because it was a flawed premise. Sure, mongrels invited death a bit more freely than was strictly recommended. But it wasn¡¯t as if the outpost monsters would just leave them alone if they decided not to be pests.


    Eventually they would get bored, they would march out from behind their walls, they would find the cave and they would murder everyone.


    Shh remembered the ¡®camouflage¡¯ that was set up around the hideout: a bunch of piled up leaves and an uprooted bush, dumped in front of a very large hole. It didn¡¯t even cover the whole thing up.


    Ugh. he could still recall so clearly thinking that the ruse was perfect. What a dummy. It needed at least three more bushes. And so many more leaves.


    The way Shh saw it, there were only three real options:


    <ol>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Go back to the cave and pointlessly lead the others to certain slaughter</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Go back to the cave and try to hide, also leading to certain slaughter</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Abandon the rest of the pack</li>


    </ol>


    That last one was obviously out of the question. And the other two, frankly, sucked and Shh hated them. He hated that they had come this far and accomplished this much and still they¡¯d share the same fate as every other mongrel.


    One glance at Gert and Mo-Mo as they chatted companionably, the pack¡¯s biggest and the one time runt as close as two mongrels had ever been and he hated it even more. He wouldn¡¯t tell them.


    Not right now. He couldn¡¯t.


    One more day. He¡¯d give himself one more day. Maybe Shh was wrong! Maybe they would make it in time or there was some aspect of the system that he simply didn¡¯t understand. He would give it another day, just in case.


    Maybe another day after that. Two, max. Three days.


    And sure, obviously he was just delaying the inevitable. Ignoring a problem in the cowardly hope that it would solve itself. A fundamental betrayal of both the trust Gert and Mo-Mo gave when they followed his plan and the bonds that had formed between them.


    Shit. For the first time, Shh regretted those increases to Intelligence. Wisdom, too. Just being all Presence would have absolutely been less complicated right now.


    He had to tell them. It¡¯s what they deserved. And who knew? Just because he couldn¡¯t see a way through this didn¡¯t mean neither of them would, either. Their little group had three minds, not one. Use every resource before tucking tail, right?


    Shh squeezed the last fruit into the basket, stepping back to allow Gert to effortlessly hoist it up. He¡¯d tell them after today¡¯s delivery. The things were already so sugary and ripe; they had maybe an hour window after being picked before they started to go bad. They needed to turn them in to Moots before any sort of long, devastating conversation.


    Bad news stunk enough without being paired with rotting fruit.


    <hr>


    ¡°Shh, what¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Blah. Shh should have known he wouldn¡¯t be able to hide his concerns from Mo-Mo. The little female was entirely too perceptive to be fooled for long.


    ¡°We¡¯ll talk about it later, okay?¡±


    Gert furrowed her brow. ¡°We can¡¯t talk about it now? It¡¯s that bad?¡±


    Great, they could both read him like a book apparently. So much for ever having a secret.


    Fine, whatever; may as well get it over with. ¡°It¡¯s¡­fine, okay.¡± He steadied himself with a deep breath. ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking it over, you know, about the plan and our levels and¨C¡±


    ¡°Stop.¡±


    Shh swallowed the rest of his entirely unnecessary prelude, tilting his head at Gert¡¯s sudden interruption. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you hear that?¡±


    Hrm. The mongrel cocked an ear, an uneasy silence falling over him and his companions. ¡°...Yeah. Is that coming from¡­?


    ¡°The camp, yes. Moots.¡±


    No one came to see Moots. This didn¡¯t feel right.


    Shh held a paw to his mouth, then pointed meaningfully down to the ground. When Mo-Mo and Gert nodded he turned and slowly crept towards the brushland separating the forest from Moots¡¯s camp, just barely poking his head out to see what was going on.


    "- bring him ten o'' those fruits he smells over yonder, why, he''d SURE''N be grateful!"


    ¡°Ugh seriously? A fuckin¡¯ fetch quest, dude? Fuck you.¡±


    Shh fell backwards as his legs gave out, the mongrel¡¯s body desperately scrabbling him backwards before his fear-locked brain could reboot. They were back; They were finally back to take him it was happening They were back shit shit shit.


    The Players were back.


    Gert had pulled him up from the ground and was saying something and Mo-Mo must have peeked through the bushes as well because her fur was standing on end. But Shh couldn¡¯t process anything until he reckoned with the fact that the two Players rummaging around Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯s camp looked exactly like the one from his past and exactly like one another.


    Same hair, dark brown with a weird spit-curl in front. Same big, deeply-dimpled chin. Same absurd cheeks. Same overly wide frog mouth. The eyes were the worst. Too small. Too far apart.


    Why did they look like that?


    Why. Did. They. Look. Like. That.


    Shh somehow managed to wrench himself from Gert¡¯s paws, stumbling forward to numbly stare at the two nightmares.


    ¡°Seriously dude, I told you we should¡¯ve stayed in Quercus,¡± Groused the one in robes, their clothes being their only distinguishing features, ¡°The free trial¡¯s almost up and I didn¡¯t even get to see those elf tiddies.¡±


    ¡°God you¡¯re such a whiny bitch, bro.¡± The Player in leathers snatched the pot off of Moots¡¯s head, rudely prodding the old monster in the chest with it. ¡°You were right, though. This place blows.¡±


    Ol¡¯ Moots, for his part, stayed as still as possible.


    Leathers¡¯s unbearable face stretched into a sneer as he peevishly dropped the pot onto the ground. ¡°What do we even have to get for this guy?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± Robes flicked through his Screen, ¡°Ten ploms.¡±


    ¡°Ten ¡®ploms¡¯?!¡± Something in that set Leathers off. ¡°This game is such fucking nerd bullshit. ¡®Oh, our fancy magical realm doesn¡¯t have plums! We have ploms!¡¯ This is just like that burger place in Magica City, bro. What¡¯d they call them again?¡±


    Robes snickered. ¡°Frikadelle.¡±


    ¡°Stupid fucking weeb nonsense words. Ugh.¡± Leathers ran a hand through his hair, the spit curl immediately bringing back into place. ¡°Whatever. Let¡¯s just do it. Where are these fucking ¡®ploms¡¯ at, bro?¡±


    ¡°Orchard¡¯s somewhere deeper into the forest.¡± Robes squinted at his invisible screen, rubbing at his disgusting chin. ¡°Weird. Hey dude, it says there¡¯re some closer, too.¡±


    Shit shit shit


    Shh snatched the basket of fruit up from where Gert had left it, rushing the stuffed container back to their hiding spot. Then, with every muscle in his body tensed near to the point of snapping, he shoved it out of the bushes as quietly as he could manage.


    ¡°It looks like its¡­uh? Oh, dude! Over there!¡±


    Someone¡¯s claws were digging hard enough into Shh¡¯s arm to draw blood but the three mongrels were huddled together so tightly that it was impossible to tell whose. Honestly, they could have been his own claws.


    All he knew for certain in that moment¨Cas the Player stood directly before them with his toad-like lips and too-wide eyes¨Cwas that if he exhaled or blinked or thought too hard he was definitely going to die.


    The half minute it took Robes to gather up ten ploms from the basket was without question the longest of Shh¡¯s life. Even when the Player turned back towards Moots with his cargo, the mongrel was convinced that this must be some sort of cruel trick. That at any moment he¡¯d whirl back around and shriek ¡®Surprise!¡¯ and then he and Gert and Mo-Mo would be dead.


    But he didn¡¯t turn around. He wandered back towards Moots and scornfully dropped the fruits at the old monster¡¯s feet, a familiar >ding< signaling the quest completed.


    Leathers spat on the ground, barely missing Moots¡¯s bald head. ¡°Did you get any Experience from that, bro?¡±


    ¡°Nah.¡± Robes shook his head. ¡°Not even Magicadian rep, dude.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.¡± Leathers roughly shoved a finger under Moots¡¯s chin, forcing the old monster to look him in his horrible face. ¡°You wasted the last goddamn hour of my free trial, you piece of shit bot.¡±


    Robes yawned. ¡°Let¡¯s just port back, dude. You¡¯re still keyed to Bon Vivant, yeah? Might as well get blasted.¡±


    ¡°Sure, bro. Whatever.¡±


    Hope clawed its way through Shh¡¯s chest. They were leaving? Really?


    They were actually going to survive?


    And then Leathers curled his fingers around Moots¡¯s throat, drawing a dagger from his side. ¡°Right after I show this bot what happens to fuckin¡¯ time wasters.¡±

 7. Playing for Keeps

    Mo-Mo couldn¡¯t hold back a squeak of distress. ¡°Moots!¡±


    ¡°Wait, look.¡± Shh gestured with his head towards the robed Player. ¡°They¡¯re arguing.¡±


    True enough, Robes seemed taken aback by Leather¡¯s decision to draw steel. ¡°Whoa, whoa! Dude, the fuck?!¡±


    ¡°What? This isn¡¯t a Sanctuary, bro, and it isn¡¯t even real.¡± Leathers delicately flicked his knife, slicing a button away from Moots¡¯ pajamas. ¡°Didn¡¯t know you were one of those Digital Justice Warriors, you wimp.¡±


    ¡°Dude it¡¯s not about that. He¡¯s a fuckin¡¯ Quest Giver. Killing him gets you flagged.¡±


    ¡°So?¡± Shwip. Another button went flying. ¡°The free trial¡¯s over anyway, bro. We¡¯ll just make new accounts.¡± Shwip. ¡°Like you were going to stick with that avatar anyway. You don¡¯t have the balls to stay as a No One, you fuckin¡¯ pervert.¡±


    Robes balked. ¡°I don¡¯t, what do you¨C¡±


    Shwip. ¡°We both know that this time tomorrow you¡¯ll have a paid account and be some pigtailed loli dwarf chick. All slutting it up with a bunch of other gross real-world fatsos. So¡¯s how ¡®bout you get off my dick about the Karma on your goddamn throwaway character?¡±


    ¡°You fucking idiot; you didn¡¯t read any of the shit I told you to, did you?¡± Robes had turned bright red at this point. ¡°The system keeps your Karma DNA coded, so you can¡¯t just make another account, okay? You think you can just crack out another email address or something and fool Mundi Co? This level of security is bleeding edge!¡±


    Leathers scowled. ¡°I knew that.¡±


    ¡°Oh really? That¡¯s great, dude. Then unless you¡¯re a fucking genetic engineer on the days you¡¯re not a fucking dishwasher, let¡¯s just port out of this dump. Okay? There¡¯s still time to throw all this gold that¡¯s about to be useless on drinks and dances.¡±


    ¡°...Nah.¡± Leathers sunk his knee into Moots¡¯ gut, the old monster collapsing to the ground with a quiet groan. ¡°Being a Red Player¡¯s more fun anyway.¡±


    ¡°Shit!¡± Robes stumbled backwards as something crimson and threatening began to flicker over the two Players¡¯ heads, waving his arms frantically in a futile attempt to dispel the one looming over him. ¡°I¡¯m not involved with this! It¡¯s all him! Fuck you, dude! Fuck yooooouuuu~!¡±


    ¡°Tsk, whatever.¡± Leathers flipped Robes off as he vanished in a spiral of sparkling energy, sheathing his knife. ¡°Fuckin¡¯ pussy.¡±


    For a moment, Shh allowed himself to think that would be it. Now the other Player would vanish too, and they¡¯d all be fine. Right?


    Leathers took a theatrical step over the prone body of Moots, whistling off key as he unslung the bow from around his back. ¡°So you suck at quests, huh? How¡¯re you at dancing?¡±


    Moots slowly rose to his feet, though what he possibly could have intended to say, Shh had no idea. The Player had whirled around before the old monster had even opened his mouth, an arrow already notched and drawn as the flickering form above his head coalesced into an oval.


    ¡°Well? Dance!¡±


    The arrow, so much like the countless arrows that had ended the lives of countless mongrels, thudded into the ground as Moots yelped and jumped away. Leathers laughed as he fired another arrow, offering his victim mocking encouragement as he flailed out of the way again.


    The third shot went high, though, clipping the old monster in the shoulder when he attempted to dodge the arrow he assumed was coming for his feet. Moots was spun completely around from the force of the hit, a dark stain spreading down his arm as the crimson orb opened into a giant eye and swiveled down to glare at Leathers.


    The Player made a kissy face at the disapproving eldritch abomination. ¡°Fuck off; like I give a shit about getting a demerit.¡± He clutched his hands in faux remorse. ¡°Oh no, I won¡¯t be able to go get more stupid fantasy hamburgers in that tourist trap Magica City! Oh gosh~!¡± Another arrow was in his hands. ¡°I follow the fucking rules in my real life, alright? I can do whatever I want here.¡±


    The one-sided argument between Leathers and the reproachful eye was completely missed by Shh. Because when Moots had spun around, clutching at his wound, his eyes caught the mongrel¡¯s deep within the brush.


    Moots was a monster. Shh didn¡¯t feel great thinking that, but it was true. He was the same kind as the outpost monsters that had killed his kind for generations. And even if Shh and Gert and Mo-Mo had benefited incredibly from him, it wasn¡¯t as if it¡¯d been a one sided arrangement, right? He¡¯d gotten a bunch of fruit out of the deal.


    Leathers began to draw the arrow taut, now aiming for center mass. ¡°I can do whatever I want to whoever I want.¡±


    Did all four of them have to die, rather than only one? How did that make sense? Shh simply could not think of a single rational reason to throw away their lives failing to save one of their ancestral enemies. Not a single one.


    Then Moots leaned in, his lips moving in a silent plea. ¡°Run¡±Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    The shot went wild as Leathers stumbled back in shock, so surprised by the burst of movement from the brush that he snapped his own nose with his bowstring. The Player swore poetically, dropping his bow and dancing in pain as he clutched at his face.


    The Crimson Eye, for its part, somehow managed to project amusement.


    Leathers snatched his knife back out of its sheath, his nose beet red and bleeding as he whirled around to face whoever was foolish enough to interrupt his cruel fun. Whatever he¡¯d been expecting, it was not three child-sized fluffballs. ¡°....the fuck?¡±


    Gert growled in sheer menace as she hefted her big stick and pointy rock, Mo-Mo snatching up Moots¡¯s pot as Shh brandished a pair of particularly ripe ploms. Then as one, they screamed out a battle cry in perfect monster talk. ¡°YOU BUTT!¡±


    ¡°No seriously.¡± He lowered his knife in unvarnished confusion. ¡°The fuck.¡±


    The first plom struck Leathers in the chest, neither the throw nor the projectile strong enough to cause any damage. But it exploded in a shower of goopy slop all the same, the Player hissing in disgust as his entire front was splattered. His outrage melted into a choking gurgle as the second fruit smashed into his forehead, filling his mouth and eyes with sticky, stringy mess as he dropped his knife and clutched at his befouled face.


    Gert was on him a moment later, looking more like a wolf than any mongrel had any right to as she loped forward with stick at the ready. If the strength of her first blow surprised Leathers, doubling him over as it crashed into his midsection, her second proved it was no fluke, an overhead swing to the back of the neck sending him down to his knees.


    Leathers scrambled for his knife, screaming and swearing as Gert brought her big stick and pointy rock down across his back over and over again. No sooner were his fingers brushing against the weapon than Mo-Mo cracked his hand with the pot, the little female kicking the blade away as the Player clutched at his crushed digits


    Shh, for his part, struggled with the dropped bow and quiver. Those things were not made with paws in mind.


    ¡°YOU LITTLE FUCKS!¡± Leathers lashed out blindly, a wayward blow sending Mo-Mo sprawling. ¡°I¡¯LL KILL YOU! I¡¯LL BURN THIS WHOLE ZONE TO THE GROUND!¡±


    Gert snarled back at him in challenge, lashing out with her stick and pointy rock to drive the enraged Player away from Mo-Mo. She managed to push her much larger foe all the way to the bad-smelling system of pots behind the camp¡¯s tent before Leathers hunched over and shouldered through one of her swings, flattening Gert by simply ramming into her side-first.


    Leathers took a moment to angrily wipe the rest of the gunk from his eyes, booting Gert¡¯s big stick and pointy rock out of her grasp as he ranted and raved. ¡°Oh you fucks. You trash. I¡¯m gonna kill you so slow that¨C¡±


    He blinked as something whipped past his face, his vitriol momentarily forgotten. ¡°...what was that.¡±


    whoosh


    ¡°...oh my god.¡± He stared wide eyed at Shh, the mongrel fumbling another arrow into the Player¡¯s pilfered bow. ¡°Fuckin¡¯...seriously?!¡±


    whoosh


    Leathers burst into manic laughter, spit flying from his frog mouth as another shot went wide. ¡°Oh my fuck; that¡¯s so pathetic that it¡¯s adorable. The lil¡¯ guys an archer, huh? He¡¯s gonna shoot a big bow and awwow like he¡¯s a real person, yeah? Go on, then!¡± The Player took two big steps back, throwing his arms wide to present as large a target as possible. ¡°Try it!¡±


    whoosh


    ¡°Bwahaha~! That¡¯s so¨C¡±


    The whistling hiss and sudden whiff of ethanol was Leather¡¯s first sign he¡¯d missed something. The Player turned his head, raising his eyebrows as he unthinkingly took a step towards the arrow embedded within the now violently rattling system of pots directly beside him. ¡°Uh, wait¨C¡±


    And then the still exploded, engulfing Leathers in a ball of fire.


    Shh and Moots dragged Gert and Mo-Mo away from the flames as quickly as possible, the two females coughing and hurt but still very much alive. Moots couldn¡¯t decide if his eyes needed to be on the ruins of his camp, or his furry saviors, or on his own wounds, and as a result seemed to be in the middle of a severe spasm. ¡°Is, is y¡¯all pups alright?!¡±


    ¡°Al-right..¡± Shh garbled back, slipping underneath Gert¡¯s arm to steady her on her feet. ¡°Ded? Is ded?¡±


    ¡°Uh..¡± Moots took a moment to stare at the smoldering calamity. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that¨C¡±


    ¡°BWARGH!¡± The three mongrels and Moots all screamed in unison, jumping back as the charred and still actively on-fire form of Leathers burst up from the wreckage. ¡°Not enough! Not enough! You can¡¯t kill me, I¡¯m TOO¨C¡±


    >FREE TRIAL ENDED<


    ¡°No! Fuck, NO! I just, I gotta¨C!¡± Leathers¡¯ too-small eyes bulged from his half-melted face, moving as if his weight had quadrupled. ¡°Can¡¯t lose!¡± His arms drooped to his side, the Player shaking his shoulders in a desperate attempt to regain bodily control. ¡°NO!¡±


    The rest of his body limp and unresponsive, Leathers gathered his final ounce of strength to crane his neck and glare at Shh with murderous hatred. ¡°I¡¯ll be back, and I¡¯llllllll¡­¡­.¡±


    He trailed off on that syllable, his face going slack as his jaw slowly dropped. Shh stared in morbid fascination as the light faded from Leathers¡¯ eyes, their formerly implacable foe now simply slouching there harmlessly. It didn¡¯t seem like he was dead, just¡­empty.


    The thought should have made Shh deeply uncomfortable. But he had no time for anytime more complicated than relief right now. They had just survived a Player.


    No, they had just beaten a Player.


    Shh stared at the hollow vessel for a moment, then glanced up at the blood red eye still floating above its head. The hideous orb gazed down at the mongrel with something almost like fascination, and then in what was only the fourth or fifth most unlikely thing to happen that day gave a little bow and vanished.


    It might have been Shh who started to laugh first, or perhaps Gert. But soon all three battered mongrels were yowling with pure jubilation, grabbing each other¡¯s paws and jumping in an exultant circle. Mo-Mo grabbed Moots¡¯ bony hand with her paw, and before the old monster knew what was happening he too was laughing and dancing, all four citizens of the zone celebrating their entirely improbable survival.


    When they finally let go the three mongrels collapsed back onto the ground in a giggling pile, Moots looking down at them in something like wonder. ¡°Y¡¯all saved me. I don¡¯t¡­why?¡±


    Mo-Mo pushed herself up to her feet, extending a paw towards the much bigger monster as she carefully enunciated in excellent monster speak. ¡°Moots friend!¡±


    Moots balked at that, staring down at Mo-Mo¡¯s little paw with an unreadable expression. But then Shh was sticking out his paw as well, and Gert too, and the old monster couldn¡¯t hold back a loud sniffle.


    ¡°Yeah, Moots friend.¡± He pressed all three paws between his hands, sniffling back tears and pumping the mongrels¡¯ arms in a firm shake. ¡°Moots¡¯s yer friend, gul danggit, and yer Moots¡¯ friend too. That¡¯s fer damn sure!¡±


    >dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding<


    ¡°Eh?¡± The cacophony of system alerts was what first drew Moots¡¯ attention back towards the ruins of his camp. It seemed the fire engulfing the still very-much aflame Leathers had finally finished the job, a tidal wave of Experience points flooding out of the empty husk and into the mongrels.


    ¡°Well ain¡¯t that a¨CEh?!¡± Moots pulled his arm back in shock as Shh and Gert and Mo-Mo erupted with light, the old monsters staggered backward to fall on his bottom as the three mongrels faded into three obscured, featureless shapes.


    And then they began to change.

 8. Changes

    Shh was an amorphous being of sentient light, and honestly? It was pretty great.


    Ten out of Ten. Would Recommend.


    The former mongrel wasn¡¯t entirely sure if he was still in the zone, or the world, or if he was even technically alive anymore. But why worry about such insignificant matters as his own existence? Everything was sparkly, and everything was nice.


    There were two voices, and they seemed to be arguing. The first came from some infinite distance high in the sky, and was plainly concerned. ¡°--too close, I¡¯m telling you. It¡¯s risky and the home office hates risk. Scrap it.¡±


    The second voice, echoing out from the emptiness between every space that ever was, disagreed. ¡°Nah.¡±


    The Sky Voice huffed, and Shh got the distinct impression of temples being rubbed. ¡°We¡¯re not supposed to mess with stuff around the Ring. That¡¯s like the only rule they gave us.¡±


    The Empty Voice seemed singularly unconvinced. ¡°We aren¡¯t. This was procedural. Scrapping it would be messing with it, not leaving things be.¡±


    ¡°Oh screw off with that.¡± Sky Voice did not seem to be in the mood for semantics. ¡°I swear, ever since you got promoted to on-site you¡¯ve been impossible. Why does everyone who gets a Shed turn into such a know-it-all?¡±


    ¡°Prolly because we know it all.¡±


    Shh frowned. Or as best he could without a mouth, or face, or body. So much conflict. So unnecessary. Had these two tried being amorphous beings of sentient light? He imagined it would be impossible to argue when you were doing this much sparkling.


    ¡°Let¡¯s make this simple.¡± Empty Voice cut in over Sky Voice¡¯s complaints. ¡°You say no, I say yes. It¡¯s my decision, so you¡¯re overruled. But if this does go sideways, your hands are clean. You voiced your objections, right? Fair enough?¡±


    ¡°....yeah, sure. Fair.¡±


    ¡°Alright then.¡±


    The tranquility of Shh¡¯s newfound ethereal existence collapsed in on itself, images and sensations and convictions flooding in to submerge his consciousness in a bottomless sea of ordered chaos. Now the scent of a wolf. Now the sound of peaches. Now the taste of aging. Now the idea that it was noon. Every moment contained more information than Shh had possessed in his entire life, channeled directly into and out of his mind before he could begin to comprehend any of it.


    Some piece of Shh was making choices, though. Forming a concept. Shh gratefully surrendered to whatever part of him was behind the wheel, the light of his own being solidifying into something new with every unconscious brick he placed.


    The Empty Voice bubbled into him, a final portion of the strange conversation sticking out. ¡°Besides. We can always just delete the whole thing later.¡±


    And then he existed again


    ¡ª-----------------------------------------------------


    Shh wiggled his toes into the dirt, giving his lungs a moment to remember how to breathe.


    Okay, that was one concern settled. Better run down the rest of the list.


    Heart pumping? Yes.


    Brain working? Apparently.


    Everything in order? Inconclusive.


    He lifted a hand to brush a lock of hair from his eyes, reacquainting himself with his surroundings. Hmm. Still at the camp. Significantly less on fire now, though. Moots hadn¡¯t noticed him yet, too busy shoveling dirt onto something he was burying behind the tatters of his tent. And judging by the two blobs of pulsing light, Mo-Mo and Gert were still¡­


    ¡­wait. Hair?


    Hands?!


    Sure enough, where once there had been chunky little paws Shh now had clever-fingered hands, large to the point of seeming a bit out of proportion with his agile arms. He reached up and took a handful of soft dark brown hair, so smooth to the touch compared to the insulating coat he¡¯d used to have. There was almost too much of it; his newly-grown mane hung down to at least between his shoulder blades. Something would need to be done about that.


    A quick pass with his hands over his freshly formed face didn¡¯t yield much usable information, other than a nose perhaps a bit wider than the kind Moots had. But at the very least he was able to confirm that he lacked the hideous features of the identical Players. Anything beyond that was a bonus as far as Shh was concerned.


    His questing fingers had revealed one other startling truth: nearly all of his fur was gone. Mere minutes ago the idea of being a furless mongrel would have horrified Shh, but he found that now he didn¡¯t mind it so much. Besides, he¡¯d gotten some clothes in the trade. His airy pair of breeches were cinched at the ankles, and a padded tunic of stitched pig-iron scales protected his chest. A somewhat tattered looking robe had been slipped over all of it, secured at his waist by a long cloth wound snugly around his toned midsection.


    It was all a lot to take in at once. Was anything the same?


    His ears seemed mostly unchanged, still large and fluffy on either side of his head. The tail too; a quick wag confirmed that. But beyond that everything was different. In the right light, he could almost be mistaken for a human.


    Human. Not outpost monster. Human. They were humans and Moots was a human.Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Shh shook off the sudden revelation. Obviously his perception of the world had been drastically sharpened since his change, and he was going to have to do some serious delving into his newfound perspective? But it looked like his two companions were about to finish reforming, and that was absolutely the more pressing concern.


    Mo-Mo snapped back into focus first, the one-time runt stumbling briefly on the hem of her oversized robe. She shook her hands free from the confines of her long sleeves, needing an entire arm to wrangle aside the waves of inky black hair that had cascaded over her achingly pretty face. She stared at Shh for a long moment, her mahogany eyes blinking in rapid succession, then let out a squeal of delight. ¡°Shh! We did it! Ahhhh~!¡±


    She rushed to Shh¡¯s side, nearly tripping on her robes again before she could snatch hold of her packmate¡¯s hands and begin jumping up and down in a manic glee. ¡°Can you believe it?! I don¡¯t believe it! It¡¯s just so, it¡¯s all so~!¡±


    ¡°Oh! Um, yes, it¡¯s¡­¡± Shh trailed off, turning red as he did his best to look anywhere besides directly at Mo-Mo.


    ¡°Shh?¡± Mo-Mo seemed concerned, leaning in a bit closer. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Shh cleared his throat in a weak attempt to play for time, flushing even brighter with every passing moment. Then he gestured downward with an eyes-averted nod of his head, and Mo-Mo released that she¡¯d popped out of her robes.


    Mo-Mo had been the runt of the pack and she was still short, nearly a whole head shorter than Shh. But while the differences between a male mongrel and a female mongrel were negligible at best, that was clearly not the case any longer. Mo-Mo may not have been tall, but she was clearly beyond the curve in other areas. Quite literally.


    Keeping his eyes averted while Mo-Mo stuffed herself back into her robes, Shh decided to distract himself with the imminent arrival of Gert. From his new vantage, Shh understood that the actual differences between Mo-Mo and Gert during their mongrel days had been minor. A hand¡¯s length in height at most. In truth, they¡¯d been practically identical. Would that quibbling difference translate to an equally small difference now?


    As he soon discovered, it would most certainly not. Whatever informed the changes the three of them had gone through clearly cared more about personality more than anything else, because there was no chance anyone would ever confuse Mo-Mo and the Gert that solidified back into existence before Shh¡¯s eyes.


    She was still taller than him, at least half a head if not more. And while Shh had been quietly pleased with his own physique, with his toned chest and firm midsection, there was no question that he looked like an utter weakling compared to Gert. Beyond a simple fur-lined wrap around her womanly chest, a sleeve of stitched iron scales and her own pair of breeches, every inch of her almighty frame was left boldly uncovered. It seemed to Shh to almost be an arrogant display, a dare, an invitation for any foolish would-be challengers to take their best shot. He sincerely doubted many would get a second chance.


    The word amazonian flitted through Shh¡¯s mind. He had no idea what it meant, other than knowing with every fiber of his being that Gert was it.


    By the time Shh managed to draw his eyes away from the elegant perfection of Gert¡¯s femininely powerful body, she was already staring back at him with pale brown eyes. Whoops. Well, in for a penny and in for a pound, he figured. He allowed himself a moment to inspect her face, perhaps less refined than Mo-Mo¡¯s but to his eyes no less pretty. Her hair was blonde and cropped very short, her ears flicking in irritation as her packmate continued to dumbly stare at her.


    Alright Shh. Second first impressions are pretty rare. Make this one count. ¡°Um¡­hi.¡±


    Gert let out a puff of disbelieving air. ¡°You¡¯re such an idiot, Shh.¡±


    ¡­Huh. It wasn¡¯t all that long ago that, had Gert uttered that exact sentence in this exact context, Shh would have assumed a big mouthful of dirt was headed his way. Had he really never caught the faint tone in her voice before? She was teasing him. Maybe she¡¯d always been teasing him.


    Food for thought.


    The curious moment was swiftly interrupted by Mo-Mo, who leapt at Gert in a flying hug. ¡°Gert!! You¡¯re so big~!¡±


    Gert effortlessly swung the smaller woman around, laughing along with Mo-Mo in unreserved delight. ¡°And you¡¯re still small!¡±


    ¡°Hey!¡± Mo-Mo stuck out her tongue. ¡°I¡¯m bigger, too! I¡¯m almost as tall as Moots!¡±


    The mention of the old human¡¯s name snapped the three packmates out of their reverie. Three pairs of eyes locked onto Moots, who had clearly already moved past shocked, through bewildered, and landed on bemused. ¡°Uh, ¡®lo there?¡±


    Moots was significantly less capable of withstanding Mo-Mo¡¯s tackle of a hug than Gert was, but somehow managed to stay on his feet long enough for the taller woman to steady him with a companionable slap on the back. ¡°Hello yourself!¡± Gert cocked an eyebrow as she stared down at Moots, a smile playing at her full lips as she towered over the human. ¡°D¡¯you ever think you¡¯d have to stare up at a mongrel one day?¡±


    ¡°Well.¡± The old man shrugged helplessly. ¡°S¡¯like my daddy always said: Ain¡¯t no river so long don¡¯t got a bend.¡±


    It was around this time Shh realized that they were all speaking perfect Common. Common. Not monster speak. He was really going to have to siphon through this updated mental glossary soon, but everything was too exciting to worry about that right now. ¡°What do you think, Moots? Do you like our new look?¡±


    Moots rubbed thoughtfully at his bald head, giving Shh another curious once over. ¡°Well sure; y¡¯all pups¡¯re keen as all heck. But¡­well, ah can¡¯t quite reckon what y¡¯are?¡±


    Shh blinked. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Ol¡¯ Moots ain¡¯t never seen nothin¡¯ like y¡¯all pups. No siree.¡± He shook his head, making some sort of complicated gesture in front of his chest. ¡°What is y¡¯all, ¡®sactly?¡±


    Shh, Mo-Mo and Gert shared a silent moment at that, and then spoke in perfect unison. ¡°Status.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Monster)


    Class: Schemer (Lvl 5)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Stats:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 11</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 16</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency


    Class Features: Leadership (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold), A Certain Low Cunning, Opportunism


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Oh. His name was Shin now. Yes, that felt right.


    Weirdly insulting new passages aside, Shin was nearly overwhelmed by the wealth of new treasures his extensively upgraded Status Sheet teased him with. Traits? Class Features? He had a class?


    But at that moment he found it difficult to make it past the second line. What he¡¯d once proudly named the Biggest Plan had finally delivered its ultimate promise. He and his packmates had finally pulled themselves beyond the absolute bottom rung of the world.


    They were Kobolds.

 9. The Siren Call of the Status Screen

    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Monster)


    Class: Schemer (Lvl 5)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Stats:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 11</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 16</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency


    Class Features: Leadership (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold), A Certain Low Cunning, Opportunism


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    First things first.


    ¡°Did anyone else¡¯s name change?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Gert glanced up from her Status Screen, then cast her eyes back to the top of the sheet. ¡°Oh. Yes. I¡¯m Gero now.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m still Momo~!¡±


    Something in that last one sounded a little different, but Shin figured it was close enough. Okay, next question. ¡°Is anyone else¡¯s Status a bit¡­condescending?¡±


    Gero made a face. ¡°What? No.¡±


    Momo didn¡¯t seem to have that particular issue either. ¡°Mine¡¯s kinda nice, actually.¡±


    Good. Great. Grand.


    Blah.


    Setting aside the fact that his Status Screen apparently had some sort of beef with him, there was still a lot to unpack. Like the massive update to his stats, for example. All of these numbers were certainly bigger than his old ones, but he didn¡¯t have a reference point for whether they were not just bigger but actually good.


    Shin had to allow himself a second to marvel at the fact that he¡¯d just philosophically separated the concepts of ¡®Big¡¯ and ¡®Good¡¯ without batting an eye. It wasn''t so long ago that that very dilemma rocked him to his core.


    Fortunately, he no longer needed to guess about such things. Now, he could avail himself of the wisdom earned from age and experience. ¡°Moots, what¡¯s the statline of a Level One Player?¡±


    Moots scratched at his beard, mulling that over. ¡°Baby Player, no Class no Experience? Tens all day. S¡¯pretty standard stuff.¡±


    ¡°And when they gain a Level? How much of a boost is that?¡±


    ¡°Depends.¡± The old man shrugged. ¡°¡®Bout five points per level¡¯s the usual? Class¡¯ll matter, sometimes. Other things too. But Ol'' Moots ain¡¯t nosin¡¯ around in matters what don¡¯t concern¡¯m. Hands that don¡¯t wander don¡¯t get no slap.¡± He glanced meaningfully back at the mound of dirt he¡¯d just finished piling up. ¡°Well. Most times.¡±


    Shin followed Moots¡¯ eyes. ¡°Did you bury what was left of that Player over there?¡±


    When the old man nodded, Momo balked in surprise. ¡°Really? Like he was poop?¡±


    ¡°He was poop.¡± Gero gave Moots an approving nod. ¡°Good work, I say.¡±


    ¡°Wha¡¯? No, no.¡± Moots shook his head, then briefly reconsidered. ¡°Well yeah, he sure was a nasty one, but Players¡¯ll respawn at their bodies iffin they get back quick-like. Bury¡¯m, though, and that ol¡¯ corpse vanishes lickity-split.¡±


    Worked for Shin. Trash like Leathers didn¡¯t deserve to be sent off with dignity, gently diffusing into radiant blue as they rejoined the life force of the world. If burying them like the turds they were was also the smarter play? Bonus.


    Momo was still a bit concerned. ¡°He¡¯s not actually dead though, right? He could still come back?¡±


    ¡°Eheh, well~¡± Moots rubbed at his injured shoulder with a look of dark humor. ¡°Iffin he tries, he¡¯ll have a dang ol¡¯ time of it. He¡¯s a Red Player now, an¡¯ Red Players¡¯re Attack on Sight t¡¯every guard an¡¯ mercenary ¡®cross the whole world. He¡¯d hafta fight or sneak his way through¡­¡± Moots took a quick tally on his fingers, ¡°Five major cities to wander ¡®twixt here an¡¯ yon. Tall order fer a tussle, and that rascal didn¡¯t strike Ol¡¯ Moots as much of a hand fer subtlety.¡±


    Right. So concerns about a vengeful Player emerging in the night to massacre them all could be shelved for the moment. Convenient, especially given Moots¡¯ assessment of Player stat scaling. Five points for every Level? At a baseline? Judging by Shin¡¯s Status, he only got three.


    Part of Shin regretted his newfound understanding of math, because it absolutely did not work out in their favor. Right now, the difference was relatively minor. Maybe he could stand a chance in a heads-on fight with an unexceptional Level Five Player. Maybe.


    But by the time they were both Level Ten? Simple addition meant that that same unexceptional Player would be almost seven Levels higher than him from a numerical standpoint. And that disparity would just keep getting wider. Thirteen levels at Level Twenty. Thirty-three levels at Level Fifty.


    Sixty-Seven at Level One Hundred.


    Friggin¡¯ percentages.


    In the end, it all added up to something he¡¯d already known, even as a fluff-brained mongrel: Stay Away from Players. They already had enough problems in their little zone. Shin needed to solve the troubles at his doorstep before he let himself worry about the calamities on the other side of the world. For now, he needed to get a handle on his own situation.


    It seemed as though his Physical Stats had been left mostly untouched, the bulk of his points fleshing out his Mental Stats. He was a ¡®Schemer¡¯ apparently; was that not a combat-type class? ¡°Gero, which class did you get?¡±


    Gero puffed out her chest, clearly pleased with herself. ¡°Brute. Literally everything on my Status is about bashing things.¡±


    Shin let out an impressed whistle. Clearly he¡¯d been a fool to worry about combat options while Gero was around. ¡°And here I thought there was no way for you to get better at bashing things.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯ll show¡­¡± She trailed off, a thought flickering behind her eyes. ¡°Wait, the stick!¡± She frantically spun on her heels, searching high and low for the big stick and pointy rock that had already served her so well. Despair briefly crossed her face, the very real possibility that her prized possession had been destroyed by the explosion or resultant fire impossible to ignore. Then she spotted something at the edge of the camp, and couldn¡¯t hold back a gasp.


    The big stick with a pointy rock on it had been impressive before, especially when Gert was swinging it about in massive windmill blows. But that was a weapon for a Gert. What was needed now was a weapon for a Gero. And her transformation had not left that necessity unfulfilled. The weapon had been reborn as an enormous rod of solid wood, wrapped in leather for a grip at one end and studded with roughly hewn stone up and down the other, a tool whose singular purpose was making a mockery of the structural soundness of anything it was applied to.


    Gero lifted the club reverently, as gentle as one might hold a newborn baby, unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. ¡°It¡¯s¡­¡±¨Cshe sniffed back a tear¨C¡°It¡¯s the most beautiful thing I¡¯ve ever seen¡­¡±


    Shin noticed for the first time that the bow he¡¯d commandeered from Leathers had changed as well, though not as thoroughly as Gero¡¯s weapon. It was a bit rougher, made of wood and sinew laminated with some sort of horn, and curved almost into a ¡®C¡¯ while unstrung. The kobold slung the bow over his back, not quite as ecstatic as Gero but pleased all the same. At least with this, along with his Ranged Expertise, he wouldn¡¯t be useless in a fight.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    ¡°Well I didn¡¯t get anything!¡± Momo huffed, her oversized sleeved flapping as she folded her arms. ¡°Speaker is a stupid class.¡±


    Speaker? That was even more esoteric than Schemer. ¡°What are your Class Features?¡±


    Momo glanced back at her Status Screen. ¡°I only have one. ¡®Channel¡¯? But it doesn¡¯t even say what that does.¡±


    "Did y''click on it?" Moots chimed in helpfully. ¡°Y''have t''click on it, sometimes.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Momo tapped her finger in the air, flushing slightly. ¡°I didn¡¯t know¡­right, okay.¡± She cleared her throat and began to read aloud. ¡°¡®Drawing upon the divine power of your God, you are able to cast¡¯¨Cwait what?!¡±


    Gero was just as shocked. ¡°Momo! You can cast spells! You¡¯re magic!¡±


    Momo turned to stare wide-eyed at Shin. ¡°I¡¯m magic?¡±


    Shin blinked. What were the chances of hitting a caster class with just three promoted kobolds? ¡°Um, supernatural I think.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m supernatural?! Speaker is the best!¡± She clicked something else on her Screen, bubbling with excitement at what she saw. ¡°Omigod I have so many spells to pick this is amaaazing~!¡±


    Shin buried himself into his own Status Screen, hoping to hide his deep envy. He wanted to pick spells from a big list so bad. Oh well, chin up and tail untucked. His own Class Features still needed a bit more exploration.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Leadership: Whether due to experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it¡¯s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence modifier</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Careful: If up to one source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead</li>


    </ul>


    A Certain Low Cunning: You were born in the trash heap, not the tactics room, and no one would ever mistake you for some grand strategist. But when everything is on the line, and the only strategy that matters is ¡°Survive¡±, trash will often stand tall while tactics fall flat.


    Your Intelligence Modifier is increased by your Presence or Wisdom Modifier, whichever is higher. In addition, whenever you would gain Advantage you may choose to grant an opponent Disadvantage instead


    Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they¡¯re down. You say that a winner never lets a foe get back up again. You¡¯ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you¡¯re all too happy to oblige.


    Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target¡¯s level, Mental Stats and mental state.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin¡¯s tail had begun to wag before he was even halfway through his Features. Sure, he could have done without being referred to as ¡®trash¡¯ quite so often, but on the whole this was ideal. So he was some sort of battlefield support class? Boosting his allies, crafting inventive strategies, outsmarting his increasingly infuriated foes at every turn?


    Yes. That would work. That would work just fine.


    Gero must have noticed Shin¡¯s obvious excitement. ¡°What¡¯s your class, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s no big deal.¡± He so hard to play it cool. ¡°Schemer. It¡¯s basically a buffs and debuffs type class.¡±


    Moots interjected. ¡°Like a bard?¡±


    For whatever reason, the comparison annoyed Shin deeply. ¡°No. Not like a bard.¡±


    ¡°No? No singin¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Precisely zero singing.¡±


    ¡°Well, Mr Schemer,¡± Gero¡¯s eyes sparkled impishly as she leaned in, ¡°How similar are you to a bard who doesn¡¯t sing?¡±


    Shin stared at Gero for a long moment. ¡°...A little.¡±


    ¡°Aw, that''s alright.¡± She threw an arm around Shin¡¯s shoulders, favoring him with a mischievous grin. ¡°Given some time and practice, we¡¯ll have you singing before you know it. And then maybe, maybe, you¡¯ll be almost as good as a bard.¡± She reached in, giving Shin a boop on the nose. ¡°Almost.¡±


    This would not work, and was not fine. Maybe he should have just let the pack die after all.


    ¡ª--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    ¡°So are you sure we can¡¯t get any more experience from your quest, Moots? We¡¯re back to Level Five again, you know.¡±


    Moots shook his head, finishing the readjustments on his repaired tent. When Shin had suggested that they help clean up the destroyed camp, it had mostly been a ploy to escape Gero¡¯s relentless teasing. But he had to admit it felt good to see Moots¡¯ little home restored to even its admittedly pathetic original state.


    And it hadn¡¯t worked anyway. Gero wouldn¡¯t stop humming snatches of songs to him. This was a thing now.


    ¡°Nah, I can see it on y¡¯all.¡± Moots stepped back, giving his tent a final once over before facing the three kobolds. ¡°Ol'' Moots¡¯s quest won¡¯t do y¡¯all a lick o¡¯ good no more.¡±


    ¡°And there isn¡¯t another source of easy experience in the zone, right?¡±


    ¡°Y''got it figgered. Y''all''ll probably need to dip yer toes in the next zone over. Er, claws. Feet. Paws. Whatever. Should be ''bout the right level."


    That perked Shin¡¯s ears right up. ¡°We can¡¯t leave the zone, though?¡±


    Moots rubbed distractedly at his stomach. ¡°Ehh? Sure y¡¯all can. Mebbe y¡¯all couldn¡¯t when we first got acquainted, but anyone what¡¯s Level Five can scoot past the barrier. Go hunt some boars!¡±


    Shin shared a look with Gero and Momo. He¡¯d figured that they would head back to the cave as soon as they were done here, but the Full Moon wasn¡¯t for another several days. And honestly, Shin was by no means certain three Level Five kobolds would be enough. ¡°What do you guys think? Do we go for it?¡±


    Gero nodded decisively. ¡°I say yes. I don¡¯t know what boars are, but I want to bash one very badly.¡±


    ¡°I vote yes as well!¡± Momo threw her arms up into the air, giggling as her sleeves dangled down into her face. ¡°I cast the divine spell ¡®Yes¡¯! Woosh!¡±


    The three kobolds chattered excitedly, all smiles and wags over what would be in store for them next. Moots¡¯ smile, however, had faded somewhat, the old man unable to hold back a sigh. ¡°Well¡­good. That¡¯s great. Good on y¡¯all pups.¡±


    Shin tilted his head curiously. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Moots offered a tremulous smile. "Oh, now, don''t let ol'' Moots ruin the fun. I been hungry a''fore, and I kin suffer it again. An'' ol'' Moots is sure grateful for all them fruits y''all brought him, an¡¯ fer standin¡¯ with him when there weren¡¯t none else what would. Sure he''s grateful! Grateful t¡¯ve known y¡¯all pups at all. They''s few can say they helped make a new people be born, even if it was jus'' a little!" He sniffled through his smile, eyes beginning to glisten. ¡°Y¡¯all jus¡¯ go on t¡¯yer next big step, and jus¡¯ know what wherever y¡¯all are Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯ll be smiling on the thought o¡¯ ye!¡±


    The old man snuffled again, drawing a sympathetic noise from Momo. The little kobold threw her arms around Moots, hugging him tightly. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t be sad, Moots! We¡¯ll leave you a bunch of fruit before we leave!¡±


    Gero nodded, clapping a hand to the man¡¯s shoulder. ¡°And boar had better be tasty. Because when we come back? You¡¯re gonna have to eat a lot of it.¡±


    The tears flowed freely down Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯ cheek by this point. ¡°Oh, y''all pups''re better pals to Ol'' Moots than any kith or kin he ever did have. He''ll be yer boon companion for all his days, gul'' dangit!"


    Shin didn¡¯t want to ruin the moment, but there was an issue he¡¯d been avoiding ever since they¡¯d gained the ability to freely communicate with Moots. If he didn¡¯t bring it up now, he never would. ¡°Moots, you should know that when we come back? It¡¯ll be with a purpose. There¡¯s no future for us in this zone as long as it¡¯s occupied by the outpost and the people who guard it. When we come back, it¡¯s going to be Kill or Be Killed.¡± He leaned in, stone serious. ¡°Are you alright with that?¡±


    Moots mulled this revelation over for a long moment, long enough to give Shin a hint of worry. But then, at length, he offered an extravagant shrug. ¡°Ehhh, never been too keen on them guards anyhow. I been takin¡¯ them booze every week since they appeared, but¡¯ve they ever given me a crust of bread? Naw. A spare blanket? Naw. A friendly word? Heckfire naw. Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯s been starving at his camp for months, and who came t¡¯give him food? Ol¡¯ Moots was starin¡¯ death in the face, an¡¯ who stared it down ¡®longside him? It sure weren¡¯t them guards, no sir. No sir.¡±


    The old man tapped a finger to the side of his bright red nose, offering the kobolds a wink. ¡°Ol¡¯ Moots may not know much, but he sure¡¯n knows who was good t¡¯him when the chips were down.¡±


    Shin let himself grin without reserve at that. It was settled, then. They would press on into unknown territory, going where no mongrel had ever been before, and then return to confront their ultimate destiny.


    He felt a little bad for the boars, though. They had no idea what they were in for.

 10. Kobolds Before Swine

    The zone that was once Shin¡¯s entire world had always seemed a pleasant enough place to live. It had some woodland to romp around in, plenty of birds and critters to eat, sticks and rocks of countless shapes and sizes¡­honestly, if not for the genocidal neighbors, Shin would have gladly named it as fine a home as any.


    Then he took his first step into the zone that was literally next door, and realized what a dump they¡¯d been living in.


    Gero managed to project an indifferent air towards the lush forest the three kobolds stepped into, her club propped onto one shoulder. Momo made no such attempt, however, the little cleric rushing forward with a gasp of wonder as she tried to take everything in all at once. ¡°Omigosh! The trees are so big! And look at those birds, and, and¨C!¡± She gasped again. ¡°Is that a river?!¡±


    Sure enough, there was a wide river cutting through the trees just beyond the clearing, sapphire blue and idyllic as it flowed towards them to terminate into the barrier between this zone and their own. Where it just sort of¡­vanished? How did that work? By all rights the river should have continued on into the pack¡¯s zone. Why didn¡¯t it?


    Apparently hundreds of thousands of gallons of water, maybe even millions, chose oblivion over the indignity of spending even one second in the zone of Shin''s birth.


    As Shin gazed out over those perfect waters, a gorgeously fat trout lept out from below its surface to snap at some passing bug before splashing down again. Maybe it was for the best that there hadn¡¯t been a river back home. Because if there had, Shin was confident he would have spent every waking second fishing from said river. He¡¯d have never stolen the secrets of the Status Screen, he¡¯d have never made the Plan, they all would have died.


    But they would have had fish. Hrm. Tough call.


    Oh well. No use wondering what might have been, or crying over non-existent rivers. They had boar-related business to attend to. ¡°Momo, did you finish picking your spells?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, totally. I got a couple basic ones for free.¡± She started ticking them off on her fingers. ¡°Lessee, I¡¯ve got a small Heal and a Bless; I can use those all day but there¡¯s a cooldown.¡±


    Gero cocked an eye towards the cleric. ¡°No attacks, though? Divine flames, giant hands reaching down from the sky, nothing?


    Momo stuck out her tongue. ¡°I¡¯m Level Five. I think I¡¯ll probably need a few more levels before I¡¯m making giant anythings reach down from the sky.¡±


    Gero shrugged airily. ¡°Just saying. Brutes¡¯ whole thing is bashing, and I¡¯m already the best at that. You¡¯ve got holy power, but can¡¯t even make one little hand come down to smoosh our enemies. It¡¯s pretty clear who¡¯s winning this race.¡±


    ¡°Yeah sure fine anyways.¡± Momo primly spun away from Gero, kneeling down to fiddle with the dirt. ¡°I do have an attack, I just need to make a talisman first.¡±


    That certainly caught Shin¡¯s attention. ¡°What¡¯s a talisman?¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s how Speaker magic works! First I draw something like this,¡± She began to trace a circle in the ground¨C¡±And then I can use a spell slot to cause an effect on whatever¡¯s marked, or make stuff happen in the area around it.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin tapped his chin, moving closer to watch Momo work. ¡°How are we supposed to make people step on them, though?¡±


    ¡°Well, Mister Schemer,¡± Momo dished up a hefty dose of side-eye for Shin. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure figuring that out is your job.¡±


    ¡°Fair point.¡±


    Gero tilted her head questioningly to one side. ¡°Can you draw them in advance?¡±


    ¡°Yeah! With some mud or face paint I could mark us up before a fight. Then I¡¯d be able to use my spells whenever we need them. There!¡± She straightened up, apparently finished with her drawing as she motioned for Shin and Gero to step back. ¡°Ready?¡±


    Shin nodded distantly, a bit distracted by what Momo had drawn: an empty circle, surrounded with a dark ring made by smearing her hands all the way around it. There was something¡­unsettlingly familiar about it. But what, though? Just staring at it was starting to make his brain itch.


    Fortunately he did not have to stare much longer, because Momo made a complicated hand gesture and the drawing exploded. Gero and Shin watched silently as the talisman detonated in a blast of pure force, geysering a plume of earth and debris into the air to shower lightly down on the surrounding area. At length, Gero offered her opinion. ¡°Not bad. It¡¯s not a giant hand from the sky, but¡­yeah, okay. It¡¯s good.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Maybe don¡¯t accidentally use that one when the talisman is drawn on one of us, though.¡±


    ¡°Oh don¡¯t worry; the gestures are totally different. See, watch: This is a shield,¡± Momo twisted her hands and fingers together, ¡°And this is the explosion.¡± She contorted her digits again. ¡°See? Shield, explosion, shield, explosion. Totally different.¡±


    The two gestures looked exactly the same. This was going to be a wild ride.


    ¡ª---------------------------------------------------------------------------------This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Boars, it turned out, were surprisingly cute grunty boys bigger on all fours than a mongrel was standing, their adorable plumpness somewhat marred by the fact that they had giant spears growing out of their mouths. Normally, Shin would have felt the prudent play was to not mess with someone who had spears growing out of their mouth. Unfortunately, they needed the Experience.


    Also he really, really wanted to eat one.


    He knew that he should have been anxious. That single boar, busily crunching up a mouthful of acorns, could have probably taken out the entire mongrel pack. There would have been dark legends and hushed myths invented about it by future generations, of its grunty menace and unquenchable thirst for Blood and Also Acorns.


    But Shin and his companions had already fought a Player and won. It would be a while before anything managed to intimidate them again.


    Shin gave the protective ring around his thumb a little twist for good luck, settling into a steady breathing pattern before notching an arrow. He allowed himself to half exhale as he brought his weapon to bare, taking a moment to draw down on the unaware pig before releasing both his breath and his very first shot as a kobold.


    Glancing blow. Annoying.


    The boar clearly agreed, spittle and acorn mash splattering from its maw as it squealed in outrage at the fruitless attack. It immediately hefted its substantial bulk to charge headlong towards Shin, hooves kicking up loam and tusks gleaming as the kobold quickly drew and released another bolt. This time the kobold struck true, but the boar was completely unfazed by the arrow piercing its side. It seemed clear that the stampeding beast would crash into Shin before he¡¯d manage to get off a third shot.


    And then the boar barreled over the talisman Momo had prepared on the ground, managing a confused sounding oink before it was engulfed in an explosion of force.


    By the time the showering dirt settled the boar was left wobbling on its hooves, still standing as much due to shock as anything else. So stunned was the oversized pig that it didn¡¯t even notice Gero bursting out from the underbrush, roaring in challenge as she brought her club down in an overhead swing that utterly obliterated the beast¡¯s head.


    Shin carefully re-quivered his arrow as he inspected the total ruins of what had very recently been a boar. ¡°Right. So¡­maybe that was a bit of overkill?¡±


    Momo shared a somewhat sheepish look with Gero as she emerged from her observation spot, flattening her ears. ¡°I used a Level Two spell slot.¡±


    Gero didn''t seem to want to make eye contact. ¡°I can¡¯t use that attack again until I sleep for a full night.¡±


    Woof. ¡°Well, no use crying over blown cooldowns.¡± Shin crouched down, extending his hand towards the remains of the boar. ¡°So we¡¯re supposed to reach out and¡­Ah!¡± He drew back as a window appeared between them, ¡®Collect Loot? (Y/N)¡¯ marked across it. ¡°Can you guys see this, too?¡±


    Gero nodded, reaching out to select ¡®Yes¡¯. ¡°Group stuff must not be hidden like the Status Screens are.¡± She clicked the screen and the boar vanished, leaving behind a neatly wrapped pile of cleaned and butchered boar meat. ¡°Easy.¡±


    The three kobolds stared down at the meat for a moment, and Shin had to reflect again on how much things had changed for them in just the last several hours. Some of those changes were obvious, like their new shapes and new Classes and all of that. But others didn¡¯t even occur to Shin until he realized that they were all acting in some new, unexpected way that nevertheless felt perfectly natural.


    The bounty of pork was a perfect example. As mongrels, such an unprecedented windfall would have immediately triggered a free-for-all for ownership, followed by a gorging of raw meat, followed by several days of contented napping. That was the normal way of things.


    But as kobolds, Shin and Momo instead set about forging while Gero built a campfire with the tools Moots had lent them. Gero nodded approvingly when her companions returned bearing herbs and mushrooms, giving the latter a quick sniff and rejecting some as toxic before dumping the rest into Moots¡¯ pot alongside the pork, popping on the lid, and then hanging it over the crackling fire.


    And then they waited. No mongrel in the history of mongrels had ever waited a second longer for food than was strictly necessary. They waited even as the pot began to give off increasingly irresistible smells, waited even past the point where a sneak peak revealed that the meat certainly looked cooked through. And even once they determined it was fully cooked, when Momo bowed her head for a silent prayer Gero and Shin did so as well.


    The moment she¡¯d finished, though, they upended the entire pot onto the ground and messily devoured the steaming hot meat with their bare hands, juice and drool and more than a little dirt smearing their faces in a display of primal indulgence. They¡¯d come far, but not that far.


    By the time every speck of pork had been consumed, Shin remembered enough of his civilization for an insistent question to burn its way out of him. ¡°Hey Momo?¡±


    The little cleric looked up, one of her sleeves stuffed into her mouth as she sucked the stray drippings of pork juice out of it. ¡°Mhp?¡±


    ¡°When you prayed before. Who were you praying to?¡±


    ¡°Whu¡¯ mn?¡±


    ¡°Well, clerics have Gods, don¡¯t they? Which one do you have?¡±


    Momo considered that for a moment, spitting out her sleeve. ¡°Umm¡­Status.¡± She quickly referred back to her sheet, a thoughtful frown creasing her pretty face. ¡°It says¡­¡¯The Kobold God¡¯?¡±


    Kobolds had a God? Mongrels sure as shit didn¡¯t. Gero tilted her head. ¡°That¡¯s it? No name or anything?¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s¡­hrm.¡± Momo reached out to touch something, her frown deepening. ¡°It keeps giving me an error message. It says the Kobold God is ¡®Undefined¡¯.¡±


    Undefined? Shin twisted his thumb ring distractedly, working through that particular tidbit. ¡°Does it say why?¡±


    Momo started to shake her head, then reconsidered. ¡°Well, not exactly? But it keeps saying our¡­¡± She glanced back at her sheet, ¡°¡®Tribal Strength¡¯ is only Three. Maybe we need more of that?¡±


    Now that was interesting. After Shin had familiarized himself with the ins and outs of his own Status Screen, he¡¯d imagined that he had decent enough grasp on the systems of his new world. But this new revelation seemed to hint at the outline of something so massive that he could only begin to guess at its shape. Individual systems like Levels and Classes had been their goal as mongrels, but now? Now they were talking about Tribes. About Gods. They were talking about systems built upon systems, the sort of intricate machinery where one foundational choice could wildly define or upend every other choice that came after it.


    Shin instinctively knew that such systems were dangerous. That it was all too possible for one innocuous-seeming decision to permanently hinder their growth. But every risk was equally an opportunity. Just as these systems would try to entrap them, he would endeavor to break them. To wiggle in through the cracks, pilfer the choicest treasures, and pile them up so he and his friends could stretch out on top and cackle madly.


    And he would get started on that right after eating two or three more boars. Scheming, Shin was discovering, was hungry work.

 11. Whats Brown and Green and Hides in Trees?

    ¡°I think that¡¯s about the end for boars,¡± Shin remarked, tossing the rib he¡¯d picked clean into the fire pit. ¡°The Experience is too low now.¡±


    Gero grumbled regretfully. ¡°They taste so good though.¡±


    Shin certainly agreed. There would absolutely be no going back to raw sparrows after discovering the miracle that was pork. The last two days had been a whirlwind, tracking boar through their little section of the forest at a breakneck pace and only stopping for ravenous meals and quick strategy discussions. As boring as it was, they¡¯d discovered that the most efficient method was simply allowing Gero to confront and then pummel the dumb things to death. Momo¡¯s Bless and Heal made matters a lot safer, and Shin got in harrying fire when he could, but there was no question that the Brute was carrying them. Shin had a sneaking suspicion that Gero and her giant club were as close to a Universal Solution as existed in the world of strategy.


    Not that Shin minded. He¡¯d have certainly relished crafting some grand strategy, but he wasn¡¯t going to turn his nose up at the first easy win any mongrel-adjacent being had ever gotten to enjoy.


    ¡°We can keep hunting them, but we¡¯ll need a better Experience source if we want to make it further than Level Seven. Or is that enough? Should we head back to the cave now?¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Gero considered that, absentmindedly wiping down her club. ¡°What do you think, Momo?¡±


    The little cleric waved her off. ¡°Gimme a sec; I¡¯m still picking my new spells.¡±


    Gero scoffed. ¡°You guys are so indecisive. Every time I gain a level? I immediately know the best thing to pick.¡±


    ¡°Right, I can imagine.¡± Shin pantomimed scrolling through a Status Screen. ¡°You look down. You see the words ¡®Club¡¯ or ¡®Blunt¡¯. You pick that one. Does that sound about right?¡±


    ¡°Yes exactly; you know me so¡­¡± Gero trailed off, her ears flattening. ¡°...You¡¯re making fun of me.¡±


    ¡°Maybe a little!¡±


    Gero huffed, making a show of being busy with cleaning her obviously immaculate weapon. ¡°You never made fun of me when we were still mongrels.¡±


    ¡°I was deeply intimidated by you when we were still mongrels.¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah?¡± Gero leaned over, ears shooting forward as she shifted next to Shin. ¡°You¡¯re not intimidated by me now?¡±


    ¡°Well no, but..¡± Shin cleared his throat in an attempt to cover the crack in his voice. ¡°I¡¯m maybe a little nervous. Sometimes.¡±


    The big kobold stared at Shin for a moment longer, and he found himself inspecting her face a little more closely than was strictly polite. Gero had a light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Shin never noticed that before. Not that he would have when she was still covered in fur. It looked as if that was yet another reason to appreciate their transformation into kobolds.


    Gero abruptly straightened, a faint tinge of red flushing the freckles Shin had been so fascinated by. ¡°Well good. Stay that way.¡± She began to fuss at her club again, but didn¡¯t bother moving away from her new spot directly beside the other kobold. Shin found himself incredibly aware of the fact that their legs were dangerously close to touching.


    This seemed like the perfect opportunity to bury himself in his Status Screen and just focus on that for a while, and nothing else. ¡°Status.¡±


    Shin quickly assigned his three stat points, his continued annoyance at the paltry amount they got each level nicely washing away his lingering embarrassment. At least he got to manually distribute them now. He¡¯d put two points into Presence and one into Agility at Level Six, and decided the plan made as much sense now as it did then. Presence seemed to be his most important Stat and boosted his effective Intelligence was well, after all, and he needed to make some concessions to his Physical Stats if he wanted to keep up in combat.


    Though that did mean his Agility was at thirteen now. Ugh. Odd numbers. Shin wasn¡¯t exactly sure why, but looking at his Status and seeing an odd number drove him up the damn wall. Level Eight couldn¡¯t come soon enough.


    Blah, just stop looking at it. Shin flipped further down into his sheet, pleased to remember he still had a new Leadership Aura to choose from Level Six. They were grinding boars at too fast a clip then for much more than just assigning his Stat points; now he could really dig in and weigh all his options.


    ----------------------------------------


    Leadership (Level Six): Please choose from the following:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Reliable: Choose a Leadership Aura. Its effects are increased.</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Callous: Nominate an ally. That ally takes increased damage. You take substantially decreased damage.</li>


    </ul>


    ----------------------------------------


    What the hell. Callous?! That¡¯s what the System thought of him? Sure, Gero was out front and center for most of the actual combat, but that wasn¡¯t part of some plot to avoid having to take damage himself! Bluh. The world clearly thought Shin was a real asshole, and honestly? It wasn¡¯t cute anymore.


    At least the other two options seemed promising. Callous. Friggin¡¯...whatever.


    ¡°Hey Gero. Do I want to take ¡®Reliable¡¯ or ¡®Crafty¡¯?¡±


    She cocked an eyebrow. ¡°Doesn¡¯t ¡®Crafty¡¯ just mean ¡®Smart¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much.¡±


    ¡°And you didn¡¯t select it so fast that you snapped your finger in half?¡±


    ¡°Ha. Ha.¡± He was already picking ¡®Crafty¡¯. ¡°I¡¯m Reliable too, you know. I¡¯m so Reliable.¡±


    ¡°Oh sure. That¡¯s you, Shin.¡± She sniffed at the air as the new Aura settled over the two of them, their Enhanced Senses Trait increasing in potency. ¡°Good Old Reliable¡­¡±


    She trailed off, ears dipping as she sniffed at the air again. Shin didn¡¯t miss it either. The two kobolds shared a glance, then casually shifted even closer together, Shin slipping an arm around Gero as he kept his voice soft and guarded from the open air. ¡°You noticed?¡±


    Gero nodded, her eyes serious as she flicked an ear towards the tree directly behind her.


    They had a guest. Someone hiding in the trees. Watching them.


    Shin glanced over towards Momo, the little cleric pretending to still be deep in her Status Screen. But her face was a cold mask; she knew as well. Shin darted his eyes down towards the rocks that made up the firepit and back up to his companions, tightening his mouth when they both gave little ear-flick nods.


    Okay. Time to see if that ugly thirteen in Agility was worth it.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Shin dipped forward, taking another deep sniff of the air to orient himself as he palmed one of the pit stones. Then he shot to his feet, whirling around to whip the rock straight for their hidden observer. The projectile crashed noisily through the foliage, followed immediately by a strangled yelp of surprise and pain and then the sound of a body crashing through branches to land on the soft loam with a solid thud.


    The spy was slowly trying to struggle up to his hands and knees when the three of them came upon him, groaning in pain as he dizzily reached for the gear that had fallen down with him. He gave up on reaching it almost immediately, however, when Gero put her foot between his shoulder blades and carefully pushed him back down into the dirt, almost casually resting the head of her giant club against the back of his skull.


    Alright. Who was this person?


    He was an elf, for one. Shin had never actually seen an elf before, but he had no doubt all the same. Pointy ears, androgynously pretty face, slight build. That was an elf all day and twice on Sunday. He had clearly prepared to hide within the boughs of the forest that surrounded them, his clothing made from a cunning mix of browns and greens to blend in with the dense brush. And he was transparently terrified; there would be no mistaking that even if Shin couldn¡¯t smell it all over him. And yet he was curiously still trying to project ¡®haughty¡¯.


    Fascinating.


    ¡°Let me go y-you, you beasts!¡± The elf spat with rage, his furious tone somewhat undercut by the way he remained as still as possible to avoid provoking Gero into crushing his head. ¡°You will all die a thousand deaths for this indignity to a proud Oaken Elf Ranger!¡±


    He was either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid.


    Either way, they¡¯d already gotten some valuable information. ¡°So you¡¯re a Wood Elf, then.¡± Shin mulled that over. It made sense, obviously; they were surrounded by woods after all. It was also a potential problem. Wood Elves were a Kingdom, and drawing the ire of a power like that was a guaranteed death sentence for the kobolds at this point.


    But did that make sense? Shin would have sworn that the nearest Kingdom was human, and that it was a substantial distance away. Sure, he only had the freebie knowledge that had been dumped into his head upon evolving to go off of, but that wasn¡¯t the sort of mistake Shin would usually make. Better find out more. ¡°I hadn¡¯t realized there was a Wood Elf outpost near this zone.¡±


    The spy seemed utterly incensed by that remark, attempting to force his way back to his feet only to be effortlessly pinned down by Gero¡¯s foot and club. Undeterred, he did his best to shoot Shin a glare of withering outrage while still face-first in the ground. And honestly, he made a pretty decent go of it. ¡°Not Wood Elves, you idiot, OAKEN ELVES! The wisest, the bravest, the most honorable of elvenkind, so virtuous and true that our NOBLE FOREBEARS cast aside their previous ties and¨C¡±


    Oh gross he¡¯s going to give his peoples¡¯ entire history. Shin already had the jist; he¡¯s from some minor subspecies of elf. Even the kobold knew that elves were weird like that; put three of them somewhere and a few months later you¡¯d have Somewhere Elves. Honestly, it was a massive relief. Dealing with Wood Elves would have been an issue, but Oaken Elves? That might be fine.


    It might even be an opportunity.


    The elf was still waxing pointlessly about the lineage of his incredibly dull people when he noticed Shin had begun to nose around in his gear. ¡°--And it was AFTER the War Among Leaves when we CLAIMED the oh hey, hey! That stuff¡¯s MINE, you slut! Keep your filthy paws OFF!¡±


    Shin blinked. Did he just get called a slut? Whatever. The kobold continued to sift through the elf¡¯s survival gear over his embittered protests, eventually spotting the ornate hilt of a sword. He lifted the weapon up, drawing it from its elaborately etched sheath to reveal a glittering silver blade. Gero spat, just barely missing the elf¡¯s head. ¡°Pretty.¡±


    The elf sniffed arrogantly. ¡°That¡¯s a sword, you inbred mutt. Obviously you¡¯ve never seen one before, because you¡¯re apparently still hitting people with big sticks. That is a weapon for a civilized race!¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin let the sheath drop to the ground, handing the sword to a less-than-impressed looking Gero. ¡°Is it now.¡±


    The spy somehow managed to adopt an even more superior expression. ¡°Obviously it is; the Oaken Elves are the MASTERS of metalcraft! The life'' s work of High Shaper Teldran, that sword has, um¡­¡±


    The elf trailed off as Gero shoved it point-first into the nearby tree, leaving it stuck there and wobbling.


    He decided to take another swing at it. ¡°Ahem, yes, passed down through generations, this supreme blade is the epitome of elven¡­¡±


    Gero lifted her club from the elf¡¯s head just long enough to lift the weapon overhead and slam it down into the sword, the masterwork of High Shaper Teldran snapping in half without the slightest bit of resistance.


    After a long moment of silence, Shin decided to finish the elf¡¯s thought for it. ¡°Craftsmanship?¡± The spy could only avert his eyes, falling into a sullen silence as Gero smirked down at him.


    Another moment passed, and then Momo spoke for the first time. ¡°Why were you watching us?¡±


    The elf let out a deeply held breath, even still unable to hold back his contempt. ¡°It is my duty to scout these woods for any threat,¡± the elf sneered, his eyes scornful as they beheld the little cleric. ¡°AND to weed out those unworthy of sharing our lands. And after a full day of watching you three gorge yourselves on pig, a-and fucking cavort, I can say without question that I have never met a more disgusting race. What ARE you?!¡±


    Momo folded her hands, her response possessing a quiet strength that was unfamiliar yet entirely fitting. ¡°We¡¯re kobolds.¡±


    The elf stared up at Momo for a brief second, then slowly craned his head around to take in his other two captors as well. It almost seemed as if, having been directly told what they were, the system was connecting the rest of the dots for him. ¡°Kobolds! Kobolds she says!¡± The spy couldn¡¯t hold back a peal of braying laughter. ¡°You¡¯re nothing but up-jumped mongrels! We know you, you worthless little hamsters! Oh Gods, it will be a delight when my people come and slaughter you all!¡±


    Shin tilted his head, dropping the elf¡¯s emptied pack. ¡°It¡¯s not just you?¡±


    ¡°Not a CHANCE, you morons! When I don¡¯t make my report tonight, the waystation captain will send the rest of the Rangers to hunt you beasts down! You think one Oaken Ranger is frightening? Just wait until a HALF-DOZEN are after your hides!¡±


    ¡°Interesting.¡± Shin unfolded the map he¡¯d pulled from the ranger¡¯s gear, immediately noticing the helpfully marked waystation at the south end of the zone. ¡°Wasn¡¯t I just saying we were at the end for boars, Gero?¡±


    The Brute nodded, giving the rapidly paling elf a toothy grin as Momo looked on in resolved silence. ¡°You sure were.¡±


    ¡°It sure was nice of our new friend to point out our next batch of Experience then, wasn¡¯t it?¡±


    Gero leaned her head closer to the now whimpering elf. ¡°It sure was.¡±


    Shin hadn¡¯t planned for this, but the opportunity was too fitting to pass up. The force the spy had described was significantly smaller than the one they¡¯d face at the outpost. Getting a practice run and perhaps an extra Level or two could only be helpful. And if it was too much, and they lost? Well at least they¡¯d learn they weren¡¯t up to the task without personally getting the rest of the pack killed.


    He spared the stricken elf a final cold glance before Gero knocked him out with a sharp blow, Momo moving to bind him with his own rope. Oaken Elves, huh?


    Shin liked those odds.

 12. The Proud Oaken Rangers

    ¡°What¡¯re you doing, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Staring him down.¡±


    Momo blew a raspberry at the other kobold, layering her hands with more mud. ¡°I can see that; I meant why?¡±


    Shinn waited until the spy broke eye contact yet again, the desperately haughty elf unable to meet his captor¡¯s gaze for longer than a few moments. ¡°Because it gives him Disadvantage.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Momo considered that, briefly considering the bound and gagged elf. ¡°And he didn¡¯t¡­already have Disadvantage?¡±


    ¡°No no, he did.¡± Shin straightened up, reaching out to give the silently furious spy a pat on the head. ¡°I just wanted to see how else it could be done. This is the first chance I¡¯ve had to try and test some of this stuff out.¡±


    The Schemer kept his tone conversational, but in truth he was practically giddy. The last few days of pig slaughter had been incredibly rewarding, but he couldn¡¯t help feeling as if his particular talents hadn¡¯t been of much use. It turned out that boars were not especially susceptible to mind games or psychological maneuvering. They reacted to everything in one of two ways: Charge, or Don¡¯t Charge. End of strategy. No notes.


    Not that Shin hadn¡¯t learned anything from the exercise. While going through the motions of his Archer with No Class Skills impression, he¡¯d found one way to trigger the flags that turned his other abilities on: launching a surprise attack gave the attacker Advantage. It had been the only reliable method to gain that status he¡¯d found up to this point, but it unquestionably worked. And using his A Certain Low Cunning skill, Shin could turn that Advantage for him into a Disadvantage for the boar.


    Which¡­didn¡¯t do anything beyond what it said on the tin. He got the basic benefits of either state, sure. As far as Shin could tell, while holding an Advantage a person was slightly better at everything. Attacks, damage, skills, everything went just a little more smoothly with Advantage. And Disadvantage, as one might expect, was the opposite. Attacks missed more often, hits did less damage, skills failed more frequently. All of that was inherently useful, and Shin was sure he¡¯d have plenty of opportunities to exploit that.


    But he was supposed to be able to use special effects against Disadvantaged targets using his Opportunism skill. It was clearly the cornerstone of his entire class. But all of those options had been grayed out whenever he attempted to bring them to bear against a boar. Apparently sapience, or at least some form of higher consciousness, was a requirement to fall victim to a Schemer¡¯s talents.


    Which put Shin in the uncomfortable position of wanting a chance to fight thinking, reasoning beings. Was that unethical? He knew more than most the complex beauty that could be hidden within even the least likely of peoples. Shouldn¡¯t he be deeply conflicted over the possibility of snuffing out some unseen light within a misunderstood foe?


    Sure. And he was! But what Shin also knew more than most was that, rather than complex beauty, what a good amount of peoples had hidden within them was uncut, idiotic malice. A statistically significant amount of the thinking, reasoning beings Shin had met in his entire life were, in fact, the straight-up dumps.


    Like this one, for instance. Shin coolly inspected the Oaken Elf, the bound spy still unable to meet his gaze. He¡¯d been useful, certainly. Thanks to him, Shin now knew that both restraining and intimidating someone were ways to give them Disadvantage. But the kobold¡¯s gratitude didn¡¯t come close to piercing his contempt. Because while he¡¯d already known that the elf was arrogant and mean-spirited, until they¡¯d started to question him Shin hadn¡¯t realized exactly how stupid he was as well.


    Though that, too, was useful.


    The worst part was that he thought he was so damn clever. The elf had clammed up early with Shin, and was terrified of Gero to the point of being unable to form words. But somehow he still labored under the impression that, if he was loud and haughty enough, he could cow Momo. So Shin and Gero had simply wandered off for a while, and by the time they returned the little cleric had sifted a complete picture of the Oaken Elf waystation¡¯s status out of the dirt and muck of the spy¡¯s endless self-aggrandizement.


    Shin walked over to the tree they¡¯d been using to scout, calling over his shoulder to Momo and Gero as the former continued to paint talismans onto the latter¡¯s powerful body. ¡°I¡¯m going to take another look.¡± With that he hauled himself deftly up the tree¡¯s trunk, pulling himself from branch to branch until he reached a particularly sturdy bough.


    Then he settled in, produced the spyglass he¡¯d commandeered from the ranger¡¯s gear, and took another scan of the small base just a short distance further into the forest. Yep. It was exactly as the kobold had seen before.


    Goddamn amateurs.


    The ¡®waystation¡¯ was little more than a camp; practically a bivouac, really. If it wasn¡¯t for the thin wall erected to face the zone¡¯s exit and the small cabin built into its base, it would simply be a collection of tents in a clear cut section of the forest ringing a fire pit. The wall didn¡¯t even surround the entire set-up; it was literally just a straight line running parallel to the border. It did have a pair of observation towers at either end, but a brief pass with Shin¡¯s spyglass revealed that they were still unmanned.


    Goddamn amateurs.


    Their prisoner had a lot of big and fancy things to say about the ¡®Peerless Brotherhood of the Proud Oaken Rangers¡¯, and it all boiled down to this: they were a joke. Both the spy and his five comrades, huddled around their firepit as they gambled and ate and made an inordinate amount of noise, were noble scions with zero prospects. Fifth and sixth sons with no particular skills or redeeming qualities beyond fathers one might want to avoid upsetting and ears that pointed in the correct way.


    So they were warehoused at the absolute ass-end of Oaken Elf territory with a washed-up drunk of a captain, their sole duty to wait around for someone to accidentally enter the zone. Which nicely answered a question that had briefly baffled Shin: Why were they even here? It certainly wasn¡¯t to protect against them.


    No, the Peerless Brotherhood of the Proud Oaken Rangers was instead charged with the awesome task of informing visitors from the south that there was nothing particularly interesting further north, and wouldn¡¯t they rather just head back to see the sights in more engaging environments? They weren¡¯t watchmen, they were tour guides. Shin seriously doubted they had more than the barest of training.


    They didn¡¯t even have their weapons at hand, leaving them hung up neat and unused looking on the wall they weren¡¯t bothering to guard. He¡¯d say it again: Goddamn. Amateurs.


    There was clearly nothing new to glean from further observation, so Shin shimmied back down the tree and headed over to Momo and Gero, casually flapping the leaves out of his robe. He couldn¡¯t help taking a moment to appreciate the work the Speaker had done with their resident Brute. Gero was plenty daunting to begin with, but with her formidable body streaked in glyphs and her face painted with a fierce mask? She was Intimidation Incarnate.


    Shin grinned up at the woman. ¡°All six of them are going to piss themselves as soon as they lay eyes on you.¡±


    Gero preened at the compliment, her tail whipping up into a frenzy of pride.


    ¡°I still think we should give them a chance,¡± Momo offered, wiping the excess mud off of her hands. ¡°We don¡¯t actually know that they¡¯re bad yet.¡±


    ¡°If they¡¯re like this guy, we can guess.¡± Gero¡¯s voice was hard, even with her tail still wagging madly. ¡°I still think we should just storm the camp. Hit them hard and be done with it.¡±


    For his part, Shin still wanted to ensnare them with a clever ploy. But it didn¡¯t matter; compromise was the heart of teamwork. ¡°I think we¡¯ve all got something to like in the current plan. Are we still agreed?¡±


    Gero nodded, and after a moment¡¯s consideration Momo did as well. Fantastic.


    Time to go meet the neighbors.


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    By the time Momo had rejoined them, Shin was honestly quite annoyed. He¡¯d worried that the little kobold¡¯s solo mission was a bit risky, that they¡¯d have to change plans midstream to bail her out. But no. Momo, who had only average Agility and completely lacked any sort of Stealth skills, was able to slip completely around the wall and back without its would-be guards ever looking up from their card game.The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    The rangers were clearly far too used to having this zone all to themselves. Complacency was a dangerous thing.


    ¡°It¡¯s done?¡± Shin asked, keeping his voice at a possibly unnecessary whisper. The rangers were so loud; he doubted they would be able to hear a thunderstorm over the awful din they were making. But just because they were sloppy didn¡¯t mean he should be. Momo gave him a nod in response, and so he took hold of their prisoner and stepped forward to lead the three of them into the waystation.


    With every step they took, Shin expected some trap to spring. For unseen sentries to materialize from the shadows, blades drawn in silent challenge. But no. He and Momo simply strolled directly up to the five carousing rangers, unchallenged and unhindered, and were soon standing directly beside their campfire. Waiting to be noticed.


    Screw it. Shin cleared his throat, then raised his voice. ¡°Evening.¡±


    One by one the elves looked up from their cards, their chatter dying out as they noticed first the two odd-looking strangers and then their bound, gagged, and utterly furious squad mate. The elves and the kobolds stared at each other for a confused moment, and then the little mark popped above their heads to indicate that the rangers were Disadvantaged.


    Finally.


    -------------------------


    Opportunism - Parley: Opposing the Disadvantaged targets¡¯ Presence, the Schemer attempts to briefly stay their opponents¡¯ hands and open their ears. A target affected by Parley will refrain from attacking for an amount of time based on the Schemer¡¯s Presence modifier, or until obviously hostile action is taken against them


    -------------------------


    The rangers immediately plopped back into their seats, their eyes darting towards the weapons hung on the wall behind him. But they weren¡¯t making a move for them yet. Good. Shin pushed the prisoner forward, the spy wobbling perilously but managing to stay on his feet. ¡°Does this belong to you?¡±


    One of the rangers balked. ¡°Ceril?¡± The still-gagged elf managed a muffled shriek in response. ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°Maybe remove that gag before asking him more questions.¡± Shin tapped a finger to the side of his nose. ¡°Call that a pro tip.¡±


    As two of the elves moved to try and unbind their compatriot, Momo spoke up. ¡°Your friend was spying on us. He assumed we were your enemy. We¡¯ve brought him back, unharmed, because we wanted to tell you that we don¡¯t have to be.¡± She spread her hands out imploringly. ¡°Why don¡¯t we sit with you? We¡¯ve brought some meat, and we could¨C¡±


    Momo¡¯s heartfelt entreaty was interrupted by Ceril¡¯s wordless scream of outrage, the ranger finally managing to spit out the gag that his fellows seemed unable to unknot. ¡°What are you ASSHOLES doing?! They¡¯re MONSTERS! Kill them already you¨C¡±


    ¡°WHAT in the trees-damned FUCK is going on out there?!¡±


    The door to the cabin built into the wall slammed open, an older elf with a bottle of something in his hand and wearing nothing but a pair of briefs made from leaves stomping out. His eyes were bloodshot and his face unevenly shaved, but he still managed something close to an air of command. He glared first at his charges, then the still-bound Ceril, and then Shin, and only then did he realize that maybe something more than the usual tomfoolery was going on.


    Ceril was the first to break the stunned silence. ¡°Captain, these monsters bushwhacked me! They, they ambushed me and beat me and they¡¯re just fucking awful!¡±


    One of the other elves hesitantly raised his voice. ¡°T-they said they were bringing back Ceril? And that we should, um, discuss¡­?¡±


    The captain cut off the second elf¡¯s timid report with an angry swipe of his hand, his eyes hard as they settled on Shin. ¡°You dare¡­¡± He trailed off as his other hand dropped to his waist, realizing that it still held a liquor bottle and not a weapon. He glanced down, noticing for the first time that he was practically naked as well.


    Without another word, he turned smartly on his heels and marched back into the cabin. A loud crash followed, then a series of curses and grunts, until the captain re-emerged having stuffed himself into an incredibly ornate breastplate and strapped a glittering sword to his side.


    He was still just in his unmentionables from the waist down, though. Complicated the look somewhat.


    The captain swiped his hand at his underling again, clearly intending to pick the confrontation back up as if nothing had happened. ¡°You dare break into my waystation? Into my woods?! You dare make DEMANDS of me?!¡±


    He paused for a moment, squinting an eye at the trussed Ceril. Then he continued on, almost grudgingly: ¡°Yes, and you dared to attack my men too, right. Of course.¡±


    Oaken Elves are bullshit.


    Shin didn¡¯t have any further time to marvel at the awfulness of these people before the captain drew his sword, pointing it towards the kobold. He took a step forward, clearly deciding that he was in fact deeply outraged over the treatment of his men, his voice dripping with theatrical fury. ¡°The little one can live long enough to give us whatever answers we need. But the beast who dared lay a hand on my men? That is an attack on me. It will die by my blade.¡±


    The shift in Momo¡¯s demeanor was immediate. Where just moments before she had seemed hopeful, now there was nothing but a mask of cold resolve. The little cleric carefully folded her hands into her sleeves, then gave Shin a small, grim nod.


    Right then.


    ¡°That¡¯s very honorable of you, captain. I respect that kind of virtue in a leader, really I do.¡± Shin pulled an arrow from his quiver, prompting a drawing in of breath from the elves still frozen around their campfire. ¡°You should know, though, that it wasn¡¯t me who attacked your man.¡±


    He jerked the arrow over his shoulder, indicating towards the shadows of the tree line. ¡°It was her.¡±


    The elves choked on their held breath as the towering form of Gero emerged from the darkness, like something out of a terrible dream with her painted face and enormous club perched on her shoulder. The captain visibly quailed at the sight of her, twisting his head back to his men in search of support. But they were all too busy muttering to themselves to notice anything besides the massive kobold looming over them.


    "What are they?!"¨C"She''s MASSIVE!"¨C"She''s as big as an ogre..."


    Shin sniffed the air, unable to keep the smirk off his face. He was right: All six of them, as soon as they laid eyes on her.


    The captain swallowed hard, trying to regain his lost composure as he raised his quavering sword towards his overwhelming foe. ¡°Y-you are guilty of c-crimes against the Oaken Elves! P-prepare to die, monster!¡±


    Gero sniffed contemptuously, lifting her club from her shoulder as she shifted to a ready position. ¡°Try it.¡±


    He hesitated for a moment, perhaps the cleverest moment of his entire life. But then he screamed out a battle cry in some garbled language to level a wild swing at the relatively unprotected Brute. At first it seemed as if he was driving her back, Gero dipping away from strikes as the captain pressed forward. But to Shin¡¯s eyes, it was clear that his packmate was simply taking her measure of the elf.


    It didn¡¯t take long for her to find him wanting.


    The captain lunged forward in another arcing blow, but instead of dodging Gero blocked this strike with her armored sleeve. The unexpected parry disrupted the elf¡¯s footing, and as he wobbled Gero lunged forward to smash her forehead into her opponent¡¯s nose. The captain gurgled out a scream as he staggered backward, his face flooding with blood, only for his pained cry to evaporate into a tiny wheeze when Gero¡¯s club crumpled his breastplate further into his chest than he presumably would have wished.


    The captain of the Proud Oaken Rangers collapsed to his knees, his fading eyes wide with silent disbelief as they were filled with the vision of Gero lifting her weapon high above her head, then bringing it definitively down.


    The waystation was silent as Gero propped her gore-splattered club back up on her shoulder, immediately ignoring the crushed body of the former captain. She quirked an eyebrow at Shin as the remaining elves simply continued to stare, mouths agape. The Schemer could only shrug. Maybe they¡¯d convinced them.


    Momo decided to check. ¡°That can be the end of it. It¡¯s entirely your decision.¡±


    As if those were some sort of magic words, then elves immediately scrambled out of their seats in a mad dash for the weapons rack. Shin offered Momo a rueful look as the little cleric sighed. ¡°Is everyone in the world bad, Shin?¡± she mused, shaking her hands back out of her sleeves.


    ¡°Not everyone,¡± Gero offered. ¡°Moots is good.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s right, Momo.¡± Shin notched his arrow, casually taking aim as the elves neared their weapons. ¡°And we¡¯ll definitely find others, too.¡±


    ¡°I hope so,¡± she sighed, the fastest ranger snatching hold of his sword. ¡°Because these guys suck.¡±


    Then she made a complex gesture, and the talisman she¡¯d drawn on the other side of the wall directly behind the weapon¡¯s rack exploded.


    As Shin let his arrow fly, picking off one of the badly damaged and stunned rangers while Gero surged forward to do what she did best, he couldn¡¯t help but congratulate himself on a plan well crafted. It was an attempt at diplomacy for Momo, a straight-on fight for Gero, and a clever ploy for him.


    Compromise really was the heart of teamwork.

 13. Raze or Claim

    Shin tilted his head at the screen that hung over the waystation, considering the implications behind its message. The kobold hadn¡¯t had the chance to inspect it before, given that it hadn¡¯t appeared until the messy business of dealing with the Oaken Rangers was well underway. But now that the elves were respectfully stacked at the end of the wall, waiting to peacefully dissolve back into the lifestream of the world, Shin had a chance to slake his curiosity.


    Conquest Ongoing (1/7, 3/3)


    ¡°Hey, Momo? What d¡¯you think of this?¡±


    The little cleric stepped away from the crate of provisions she was sorting through, joining Shin in tilting her head at the message. ¡°Well, it¡¯s the fight we just had, isn¡¯t it? That¡¯s them,¡±¨CShe pointed towards the ¡®1/7¡¯¨C¡±And that¡¯s us,¡±¨CShe indicated the ¡®3/3¡¯¨C¡±Right?¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin considered that. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t they be at zero, though?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that ¡®one¡¯ is Ceril.¡±


    Ohhh right. Shin had completely forgotten about their prisoner in all of the excitement. The last surviving ranger was still where he¡¯d been dropped near the firepit, still tied up and completely drained of all color. Shin could sympathize; he too knew how it felt to watch your allies pratfall to their deaths.


    The elf went still as a corpse when Shin crouched down beside him, flinching back in terror when the kobold loudly snapped his fingers. ¡°Hey. Look at me.¡± The elf did as he was compelled, looking as if he might throw up at any moment. ¡°Surrender to us.¡±


    It took a few moments for Ceril to remember how sounds worked. ¡°S¡­suh¡­s¡¯render¡­¡±


    That was either good enough or the system simply took pity on the pathetic display, because a bright belltone promptly chimed through the waystation.


    Conquest Complete! (Raze/Claim?)


    That¡¯s better. Wait, claim? Why is that one grayed out? Shin gave the second option a tap, only only to receive a terse buzz in response.


    Cannot Claim (Tribal Strength 3/10)


    Tribal Strength. It was back again, teasing Shin with the suggestion of systems and structures still out of reach. And now it came to titillate with a prize that enticed him more than a God ever could. So they could claim territory, could they? Interesting.


    Very interesting.


    Matters at the waystation needed to be cleared up first, though. ¡°Gero, have you finished up in there?¡±


    The other kobold called back an affirmative, emerging from the captain¡¯s captain with a crate under one arm, a large book under the other, and a surprisingly colorful bird perched on her shoulder. ¡°Not much to report.¡± She set the crate down beside the other provisions, tilting it forward slightly to reveal a dozen or so filled bottles. ¡°Seems like the captain more or less lived on booze.¡±


    ¡°Clearly. And the book?¡±


    Gero let the leatherbound tome drop on top of the crate. ¡°Waystation¡¯s log. First couple pages were scouting reports. After that he must have gotten bored, because from then on it¡¯s just noting the rare visitor and terrible poetry.¡±


    ¡°Right. And the bird?¡±


    Gero looked up at the rainbow-painted parrot, who clacked his beak amiably in response. ¡°He said his name¡¯s Tully. We¡¯re friends now.¡±


    Tully squawked in agreement, fluffing out his feathers before adding his own two cents. ¡°Tully, Tully.¡±


    Shin glanced at Ceril, who immediately elucidated. ¡°H-he¡¯s a carrier parrot. For m-m-messages back home.¡±


    Maybe it was a bit mean-spirited, but Shin deeply enjoyed how utterly cowed the elf was. He had no doubts that Ceril would do literally anything to stay on their good side. For now, at least. Shin certainly wasn¡¯t going to take for granted that Ceril was smart enough to continue doing the reasonable thing for long.


    Still. For the moment, he was useful. ¡°Ceril. What happens if we Raze this waypost?¡±


    The elf wet his cracked lips. ¡°S¡¯destroyed. You¡¯d get exp-perience, money¡­¡±


    ¡°Obviously. But would your side be informed that it had been destroyed?¡±


    Ceril quickly nodded.


    Hm. Inconvenient. Would they just have to leave it be, then? Shin was very close to deciding that was the only option when Momo spoke up. ¡°Would they know it was us?¡±Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    The elf hesitated for the briefest of moments, only to desperately shake his head ¡®No¡¯ when Gero looked meaningfully at her club.


    Hm. Well that was something, but the problem was that leaving a mystery was almost as bad as making it clear that it was them. If the Oaken Elves sent an actual, possibly even competent force to investigate, there was no chance that they wouldn¡¯t realize who¡¯d done the deed. After all, it wasn¡¯t as if there was anyone else who¡¯d been through¡­


    ¡­Wait.


    Shin snatched up the logbook, flipping to the last few entries and doing his best to ignore the poetry. Ugh, Gero was right; how many times can one man rhyme ¡®Leaves¡¯ with ¡®Leaves¡¯? Fortunately, it didn¡¯t take long to find precisely what he needed.


    Gero cocked an eyebrow as Shin carefully ripped a page out of the logbook. ¡°Found a poem that spoke to you, did we?¡±


    ¡°Even better.¡± Shin lifted the page for Gero¡¯s inspection. ¡°I found the wicked fiends who destroyed this innocent waystation.¡±


    Gero took hold of the paper, reading from it aloud.¡±Friday, the Ninth. Two Visitors. Balanthor and¡­¡± She trailed off for a moment, squinting an eye at what was written on the page. When she eventually decided it wasn¡¯t some trick of her sight, she continued on. ¡°...And ¡®Mazter Azzblazter.¡¯ Players.¡±


    Looks as if he wasn¡¯t named ¡®Leathers¡¯ after all.


    Taking the page back, Shin began to fold it into a small square. ¡°You said the bird is for messages, Ceril?¡±


    The elf slowly nodded. ¡°Yeah. It repeats phrases. If you, um, give the command.¡±


    ¡°Splendid. You¡¯re going to send your higher-ups a message.¡± Shin extended the paper to Tully, the clever bird carefully snagging it in his talons. ¡°The waystation was attacked by a Red Player. You can¡¯t hold out. There won¡¯t be any survivors. Got all that?¡±


    Ceril quickly nodded, the color returning to his face as he opened his mouth. ¡°I¨C¡±


    ¡°Be careful, Ceril.¡± Shin crouched down again, his face very close to the elf¡¯s. ¡°Be very careful about what message you try to send. I can always shoot down the bird. You wouldn¡¯t be quite so lucky.¡± He crooked a finger underneath the spy¡¯s chin, tilting his head up to force eye contact. ¡°So I repeat: Got all that?¡±


    His face drained of color once more, Ceril desperately nodded.


    ¡°Good. Do it now.¡±


    The elf wet his lips again, his cracking throat needing a few tries to get the command out. ¡°T-tully¡­sunflower.¡± The bird immediately tilted its head at Ceril, very still and alert as he gave the message. ¡°W-waystation¡¯s under attack. Red Player. Can¡¯t h-hold out. No survivors. S-sunflower.¡±


    The bird shook itself, fluffing itself out again. Then it clacked its beak and recited the message back. ¡°Waystation under attack. Red Player. Can¡¯t hold out. No survivors.¡± And with that, it spread its wings and flapped towards the exit of the zone.


    Gero seemed sad to see him go. ¡°Good bird.¡±


    Shin absolutely agreed. That bird may have very well saved them from having to worry about vengeance-seeking elves before they saw the business that had started this entire endeavor through. Probably not forever, but at least for the time being. Fortunate, then, that their return to the zone that had birthed them was nearly at hand.


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯ve finished sorting the provisions.¡± Momo stepped away from the basket, somewhat nonplussed. ¡°It¡¯s mostly just boar jerky and this stuff.¡± She held up something between a cracker and a wafer, preciously stamped in the shape of a tree. ¡°It¡¯s very, very stale.¡±


    ¡°Flembas bread,¡± Ceril muttered automatically, his voice dull and hollow. ¡°The most ancient of elven staples.¡±


    ¡°Great. It tastes awful.¡± Momo dropped it back into the basket. ¡°Besides that, they¡¯ve gathered a bunch of mushrooms. But they¡¯re nearly all the toxic kind. We should probably just leave the lot of it.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin considered that, wheels beginning to turn in his head. ¡°And Gero, you found¡­?¡±


    ¡°The logbook, the bottles.¡± She nodded towards a small pile of weapons. ¡°Two bows and a few daggers. That¡¯s it.¡±


    With that, everything snapped into place. ¡°Okay. Bring the weapons, the booze and the mushrooms. Dump the rest.¡±


    Gero quirked a questioning ear. ¡°And the elf?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s coming with us. We may need more information about any elves that come nosing around.¡± It wasn¡¯t the worst idea to keep a convenient little boost of Experience handy either. Just in case of a rainy day.


    Ceril barely reacted as Gero lifted him over her shoulder, meekly allowing himself to be hauled away like a bag of flour as Shin and Momo gathered up the rest of the loot. Then, Shin turned back to the waystation one last time and tapped ¡®Raze¡¯.


    A flood of Experience surged through the three kobolds, immediately boosting them to Level Eight as the area stuttered and glitched. It was as if there were momentarily two waystations, the one they¡¯d known and another layered on top of it. The entire zone shuddered once, and then the original was gone.


    In its place was now a toppled wall, its cabin and observation towers reduced to kindling, and shredded tents left to litter the ground. It was if some calamity had fallen upon the zone, some force so irresistible that the waystation had no choice but to collapse over in total supplication.


    Honestly, Shin found the display quite flattering.


    ¡°So that¡¯s it, then?¡± Gero queried, peeking around Ceril to peer down at Shin. ¡°No more prep? No more schemes?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯ve got one or two more schemes. But we¡¯re done with practice.¡± Shin shouldered his bow, eyes firmly set in front of him. ¡°It¡¯s time to go home.

 14. Placing the Final Pieces

    As usual, it was the insistent rumbling in his stomach that roused Moots from his fitful slumber. A pained grumble on his lips, the old hermit wobbled to his feet and started to grapple sullenly with the chronically stuck latch of his tent. It had been what, three days? Four? How many since those good pups had left him with their basket of fruit?


    Not for the first time, Moots cursed his own gluttony. Maybe it was some weakness of his, or maybe it was the nature of his stupid quest, but the old man just didn''t have the ability to pace or ration himself. A whole bushel of fruit, more ploms than he''d seen in months, enough fruit to last him who knew how long, and he''d emptied the blasted thing in a single day.


    And sure enough, the next morning his quaking stomach sent him lurching awake again.


    This damned hunger. Moots had a vague concept that there had been something before. Before this zone, before his quest, before the bottomless furnace that was his guts. A farm. A wife, maybe. A ragged little portrait in a battered frame was one of the old man¡¯s meager possessions, and whenever he looked at the face of the nameless woman it depicted a hollow sadness seized his chest.


    But whenever he thought about it too hard his stomach would invariably quake again, more ravenously than ever. So he didn¡¯t. That made him a little sad, too.


    Moots wasn''t sure if he should be cursing himself, or his quest, or the world itself as he finally forced his way out of his ragged little tent, but he sure did feel like cursing today. So he figured why not, let''s hit up all three. This was not looking to be a good day.


    The vicious chill of mid-winter morning hit him first, immediately followed by the most wonderful scent he¡¯d ever experienced in his life. His knees buckled, weakening under the soft aromatic assault as his mouth flooded in anticipation. The hermit quickly scrubbed his eyes clear and then peered out at what could only be the source of this sensory delight: the pot he¡¯d given the kobolds, now returned to the chronically empty cook pit and left over a gentle fire.


    His whole arm shaking, Moots barely managed the presence of mind to protect his hand with a cloth before lifting off the lid and gazing at the treasures that lay within.


    As he beheld the pot, stuffed to bursting with wild garlic, yams and roasted pork, Moots tried to think of the last time he¡¯d had a chance to eat anything besides ploms. With a start, the old man realized it was entirely possible he¡¯d never eaten anything besides ploms. Those big purple fruits, so sweet and always a little too ripe¡­he got to eat so rarely that he¡¯d never considered it before, but it now occurred to Moots that he did not have much of a sweet tooth.


    Moots looked around wildly, hoping to catch a glimpse of his benefactors. There was none, but no matter. Ol¡¯ Moots certainly hadn¡¯t forgotten the promise those pups had made him. The surprise was that they hadn¡¯t forgotten, either. Sniffing back grateful tears, the old hermit offered a brief thanks to his friends in particular and kobolds in general before preparing to tuck in.


    Then he noticed that the pups had left another package. One apparently not meant for him.


    The old man freed the note that had been slipped into the crate of bottles, seemingly ripped out of a book of some sort. Ol¡¯ Moots was no critic, but even he could tell that the poetry scribbled on one side of the page was dreck. No, it was the carefully scrawled note on the back that was more interesting.


    ¡°For our friends in the outpost¡±


    Hm. Moots pulled out one of the bottles, glancing over the awkward runes etched across its surface. Elvish spirits, then. Probably from Quercus, and certainly a finer vintage than the turpentine Moots produced from his still. He pulled the stopper free, giving it a quick sniff. Ehh. Not much finer. For all their high-falutin ways, elves sure made some musty booze.


    Wait. Moots furrowed his brow, taking a longer sniff from the bottle. It was faint, but to someone who lived his entire life out in the elements, like Moots? He lifted the bottle up to the light and sure enough, there it was: a little overlooked piece of mushroom, still left seeping in the booze.


    Without a moment¡¯s further consideration Moots carefully tipped the bottle to let the mushroom spill out, re-stoppered it, and slipped it back into the crate. He quickly scanned the other bottles for any similar oversights, and finding none he hefted the case of liquor. And then, ignoring his every instinct and his own furious stomach, Moots left the pot of food untouched as he began the long trek to the outpost. He¡¯d never waited to eat before. Not once.


    Moots may not have known much, but he knew who kept their promises. And he knew how to repay a favor.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Boss Hi-Hi was not the sort to boast, unless he had done something great, which was everything he ever did, meaning he got to boast constantly. Which was perfect, because while he was definitely not the sort to boast, he was pretty sure he was probably the greatest and Biggest boaster to ever live.


    And if he said so himself, which he did, he certainly had reason to boast now. His Bigger Plan was moving along flawlessly. The boss mongrel chuckled indulgently as he strutted around the hideout, ticking off his incredible successes one by one.


    First, he''d gotten rid of those useless runts whose names he was sure everyone had forgotten already. He''d forgotten Shh and Gert and Mo-Mo''s names days and days ago! Those guys were the worst.


    Second, he had finished his definitive Runt List. Half Tail and Blep were at the top, obviously. But just because the rest of the pack members were taller than them, that didn¡¯t mean some others weren¡¯t Little in their own ways. Dool was Half Tail''s best friend; no question he was a runt. Waggle was definitely one, too; the way that he wiggled his tail was so annoying and clearly runt-like. And while Crunchy was maybe Hi-Hi¡¯s closest ally, she¡¯d also eaten a sparrow that the Boss had later decided he really would have liked to eat himself. Maybe that didn¡¯t technically mean she was a runt, but wasn¡¯t that one of the perks of being Boss?


    Boss Hi-Hi was the stick against which all Bigness was judged, and if he said you were a runt? Then you simply were.


    And Third, and most impressively, someone was coming into the cave! That was really a huge feather in his wait, someone was coming into the cave?!


    Hi-Hi poofed out his fur in surprised anger, shocked that anyone would be so tiny as to interrupt his internal success listing. But sure enough, Soup was whining and whimpering that a group had snuck up on them.


    Absurd! Unacceptable! UnBig!


    The boss snarled, pushing past the scout to charge for the apparently poorly hidden hideout entrance. How hard is it to keep a hole covered with bushes?! After he had dealt with this, Hi-Hi resolved to reassess whether there were more runts weighing down his pack than he¡¯d thought. One good snap at these intruders and huh, they sure smell familiar and-!!!


    The mongrel skidded to a halt, tail helplessly shooting between his legs as he found himself staring up at someone who was not a mongrel but sort of a mongrel and not Mo-Mo but also it was Mo-Mo, and way bigger than him and very scary and fuck he peed on himself and...


    The blubbering boss was mewling and pleading even before the terrifying Not Mo-Mo picked him up and began to shake him around. And if there was one thing Boss Hi-Hi was just as good at as boasting, it was pleading.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    He was probably the best at it, if he said so himself.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin shared a look with Gero, the big kobold merely offering a shrug before turning back to enjoy the sight of Momo throttling her former tormentor. This wasn¡¯t technically part of the plan? But whatever. They were going to need to conclusively show that Hi-Hi was no longer in charge anyway, and it seemed to Shin that that exact point was being made abundantly clear as the other mongrels tentatively watched their one-time leader be whipped around like a ragdoll.


    Besides, Forgive and Forget was more Momo¡¯s purview than Shin¡¯s. So if the little cleric wanted to take a measure of revenge against the mutt who¡¯d openly argued for her to be expelled or outright killed? Well, Shin was okay with that.


    At length Momo dumped Hi-Hi to the ground, the mongrel immediately curling up in a trembling pile of fluff and submissive pee. She let out a huff, her thick eyebrows still furrowed in righteous fury as the rest of the pack gazed upon her in abject awe. Finally settled, Momo carefully folded her hands back into her sleeves and gave Shin a resolute nod.


    The pack gasped as Gero and Shin stepped forward to either side of Momo, their eyes darting between the three as they tried and failed to figure out who they should be submitting to first. Kobolds were so much bigger than mongrels, after all, that it would appear even the significant difference in size between Momo and Gero was moot. They were all simply, undeniably Big.


    Good. That would make things easier. They¡¯d need the finer details of the plan later, but for right now? Shin had but a single, very simple point to make, and it was for the best that they be inclined to pay attention.


    ¡°Listen up!¡± He growled, the pack flinching at his commanding tone. ¡°You remember us? You remember our smells?¡±


    There were a few hesitant sniffs, but Shin knew they were unnecessary. He could tell from their eyes and posture that the other mongrels recognized their erstwhile packmates.


    Gero raised her voice, the smaller pups quivering at her every word. ¡°That¡¯s right. We¡¯re back. We¡¯re back, and we¡¯re Big. We¡¯re Big and you¡¯re Small, so you have to do everything we say.¡±


    Little whines floated up from the mongrels as they fearfully nodded their assent, eyes averted and ears flattened.


    ¡°But we don¡¯t want that. We don¡¯t want to be Bigger than you.¡± Confusion began to filter into the pack¡¯s frightened submission at Momo¡¯s conciliatory words. ¡°We see a world where no mongrel is Small. Wherever every single one of you is Big,¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Shin stepped into the huddled pack, reaching down to touch one of the pups on the shoulder. ¡°Sploot, you¡¯re Big.¡± He indicated another. ¡°Soup, you¡¯re Big. And Waggle, and Half Tail, and Blep¡­¡±


    He trailed off, coldly staring down into the eyes peering back at him from the curled ball of fur that was Hi-Hi. ¡°..Even you, Hi-Hi. You¡¯re gonna be Big, too. Because I¡¯ll show you how.¡±


    Shin slammed a fist into his palm, going for the final salvo. ¡°We¡¯ll show ALL of you how! So follow us tonight, follow us right now, and I promise that you¡¯ll never have to submit again. That in this zone? No one will ever be Bigger than you!¡±


    The mongrels stared at Shin, slack jawed and silent, for what seemed like a longer moment than it actually was. And then they burst into cheers, jabbering incoherently about how Big they were and how they were all going to get sticks and how invested they were in this plan they knew absolutely nothing about.


    Good. He¡¯d managed to rally a pack of idiots to join him. Surely the plan was unstoppable.


    Now, assuming that Moots had done his part, there was only one more piece left to move into place. It had been a while since he¡¯d last scouted the outpost, but he hoped that one fact still held true:


    If the guards wanted to party all day, they had to do a little work first.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Keif cast another regretful glance back at the crate of booze being locked away into the mess, sullenly throwing on his cold weather kit with the two other unlucky guards. Of course the first time that weirdo piece of shit Moots brought something good for them, he had to draw ranging duty.


    He understood the necessity of it all; the mongrels were due another of their hilarious suicide runs soon, and there wasn¡¯t a man in the outpost who¡¯d be happy if a night of drinking meant they missed a good hamster hunt. So sure, do a bit of a scout before cracking in. Why not, right?


    Frankly, it was sometimes the closest thing to fun they got in this Godsforsaken place. He still remembered the time he¡¯d been on patrol and came across four terrified mongrels trying to hide behind a bush too small foreven one of them. Fuck that was funny. They¡¯d made the most hilarious noises.


    But it was cold today. Keif hated being cold. Especially when there was liquor from somewhere he¡¯d never even heard of waiting back at the mess. Keif had no idea where Quercus was but he bet it was amazing. Anything that wasn¡¯t this place had to be amazing.


    Those pieces of shit had better wait for them to get back before going bottles up. He told Lerrin that he was in for the beating of his life if they got back from patrol and all the bottles were taken, but knowing the fuckers he worked with? That might make them more likely to do it. Getting drunk and watching Lerrin get the shit kicked out of him wasn''t the worse way to spend an evening, after all.


    Whatever. Best to just get it over with.


    Keif and his two equally hapless partners waited impatiently for the gate to finish groaning open, flipping the traditional middle finger salute back at the outpost when they were finally able to trudge out into the sparse woodlands. Just one quick circuit, and then back to the warm barracks to get completely blasted. That was all. Just one quick¨C


    The guard paused, squinting down at a disturbed bush. At length he glanced back at the other two, his voice muffled through his scarf. ¡°You see that?¡±


    The others nodded. Someone had been ineptly rustling around in there. And in this zone, that could only mean one culprit.


    Cold notwithstanding, maybe this patrol would be fun after all.


    The trail was so blatant and fresh that even a totally untrained eye would have found it obvious, many little bodies having stomped a decidedly unstealthy path towards the eastern side of the zone. Keif took hold of his sheathed dagger and picked up his pace, now eager. He deserved a treat for all of his hard work, so he was finally going to do it. He was going to find these mongrels, and then he was finally going to line all of his clothes with fur.


    And then maybe the cold wouldn¡¯t bother him so much anymore.


    The trail led them clear to the other side of the zone, through the forest and all the way to the giant blob of possibility that marked the eastern border. And there, to Keif¡¯s surprise, the trail went cold. The fuck?


    One of the other scouts raised his voice. ¡°Did they double back? Over their own trail?¡±


    ¡°Did the mongrels double back over their own trail.¡± Keif offered the man a flat stare. ¡°Why don¡¯t you think before you open your mouth, huh? Mongrels don¡¯t do tricks.¡±


    The other scout piped up. ¡°I mean, I don¡¯t think it¡¯s that¨C¡±


    Keif cut him off. ¡°They¡¯ve come at the outpost what, fifty times now? Every time with the same master plan? ¡®Pee on the Thing¡¯? Just look around, okay? The trail¡¯s here somewhere.¡±


    Shrugging, the other two guards split off to poke at the terrain. Fucking idiots. Keif swore that the majority of his fellow guards were barely better than mongrels themselves. He bet this shit didn¡¯t happen in Quercus. Yeah, it was probably nothing but good times and better company there.


    Maybe he could make it there, wherever there was. Nothing was stopping him, right? Fear and inertia kept the other guards at the outpost, but maybe it didn¡¯t have to be that way for Keif. Maybe¡­there was something else out there. Something rad. Maybe he should turn towards the exit right now and¨C


    Just as Keif had resolved to take a new path in his life, an arm reached out from the Maybe Blob and dragged him inside, the world as he knew it vanishing before a sharp blow to the back of the head knocked him out.


    He was right the first time. This was not going to be fun.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    As Keif slowly awoke, he became gradually aware of a few facts.


    First, he had been stripped of his clothes and gear, then tied up. The other two as well, though they seemed to still be unconscious.


    Second, he was actually inside the not-a-water-feature. He and the other guards had always assumed it was an impassable or actively dangerous hazard, but apparently not. Though it was incredibly disorienting. He could feel that he was on solid ground, but his eyes couldn¡¯t distinguish a single feature of his surroundings. It was all just¡­nothing, and he had no idea how he could ever find his way out again.


    Third, he was surrounded by mongrels. Mongrels with knives. As the slow horror of that realization sunk in on him, three other things that were mongrels but also absolutely not mongrels stepped forward to join the blade-wielding hamsters.


    And then, just to complete the insanity of it all, one of the not-mongrels opened its mouth and spoke like it was a fucking person. ¡°Three. That¡¯s good. I¡¯d been worried it would only be two, but three is definitely enough. Agreed?¡±


    His fellow weirdo monsters nodded their assent, and then the freak that had spoke knelt down to address Keif and the other two scouts directly.


    ¡°Boss Yip-Yap sends his regards.¡±


    Nine mongrels brought down nine daggers, and then nine kobolds stood back up.


    The battle for Lowbie Zone LA:35L-J had begun.

 15. The Battle for Home, Part One

    When Shh, Gert and Momo had their transformation, made the unfathomable leap from mongrel to kobold, it was a moment of pure joy. Of giddy exploration. Of profound fulfillment. Regrettably, the seven new kobolds who joined their ranks had no such luxury.


    They had a battle to win. Profound fulfillment would have to come afterwards.


    Shin took a quick inventory of his new packmates, even as he quickly slipped into one of the uniforms pilfered from the dead scouts. ¡°Who has a combat class?¡±


    Six hands went up. Okay. As Monsters, even classless kobolds would be modestly effective in combat. But against trained guard? Not so much. Six might be enough to keep them above water. The question was, which classes were they? The former Soup and Fat-Face were clearly Brutes, both of the pair taller than even Gero and bursting with muscle. The rest were somewhat more difficult to parse, dressed in rough robes with chest guards and physically seeming to be of a type with Momo and himself.


    The lithe kobold Shin had formerly known as Crunchy anticipated his next question. ¡°I¡¯m a Shooter. I think Waggle and Half Tail are, too?¡±


    The former raised a finger. ¡°That¡¯s Choro, actually.¡±


    The latter did the same. ¡°Hanbun here!¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± She blinked. ¡°And I¡¯m Karikari. This is weird.¡±


    Shin absolutely sympathized, but this simply wasn¡¯t the time for pondering the mysteries of the Self. Shooters, okay. ¡°We only have two bows. I need a volunteer to come with me.¡±


    The three kobolds shared a glance, and then Hanbun raised her hand. ¡°I¡¯m with you, Shin.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Grab one of the guard uniforms.¡± The Shooter nodded, moving to don the second stolen outfit as Shin began to consider who should take the third. He needn''t have bothered. To mild irritation, it had already been taken.


    ¡°What?¡± The fierce-looking kobold stared at Shin with impertinent eyes, already stripping out of the furs he¡¯d transformed with. ¡°Should I have waited for your decree? Oh Shh the Brilliant?¡±


    Goddamnit. ¡°It¡¯s Shin. What¡¯s your name, now?¡±


    The former Hi-Hi spat, moving to claim an extra pair of daggers from the dead guards. ¡°Higen.¡±


    Great, he had three knives now. Hopefully at least one of those would wind up somewhere besides Shin¡¯s back. Whatever, they had to get moving. ¡°Okay everyone. Here¡¯s the plan¡­¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin gave Hanbun and Higen a quick once over, forced yet again to marvel at their changes. Dressed in the dead scouts¡¯ cold weather uniforms, with their faces covered by their scarves? There was no obvious way to tell that they weren¡¯t humans. Even if they could have conceived of it, this plan never would have worked while they were still mongrels.


    The vision of his mongrel self standing on Gert¡¯s shoulders, both fluff-brains mostly covered by a single scavenged guard coat popped into Shin¡¯s mind unbidden. Okay, that definitely wouldn¡¯t have worked? But he absolutely regretted not getting the chance to try.


    ¡°Wait twenty minutes before following us, alright?¡± Momo nodded in acknowledgement. Now for the hard part. ¡°And once you reach the outpost, if the gates don¡¯t open after twenty more minutes? Leave us.¡±


    ¡°What.¡± Gero pushed past the smaller kobolds, her eyes blazing. ¡°We never agreed to that.¡±


    True. But still. ¡°If we can¡¯t get the gate open, that means the attack is going to fail. That we¡¯ve lost our home. But we don¡¯t need this place anymore. Right? We want it, but we don''t need it. If there¡¯s a chance, I¡¯ll take the risk. But if it doesn¡¯t work out? The rest of you can still find a life somewhere else.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± Gero growled her disapproval. ¡°You asshole. I¡¯m coming with you.¡±


    ¡°Gero, you need to stay with the others. I know everyone is prepared to give their all, but without you as the vanguard? A lot fewer of us would make it out alive.¡±


    The woman snarled, her pale brown eyes flaring with anger as she jabbed a finger into Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°That¡¯s not fair and you know it. Don¡¯t you try to guilt me into letting you do a suicide, you piece of shit.¡±


    That...okay, Shin deserved that. The kobold managed a feeble smile. ¡°Sorry, Gero. You can¡¯t come. You¡¯re too amazing for the guards to ever be fooled into thinking you¡¯re one of them.¡±


    Gero sniffed, eyes glistening as she prodded Shin in the shoulder again. But she didn¡¯t seem to have anything more to say. It was Momo who spoke up, her little voice solemn. ¡°We promise, Shin. Twenty minutes.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°...Gero?¡±


    The warrior whirled on her heels, heatedly running a hand through her short blonde hair as she marched back to join the other two Brutes. ¡°Fine.¡±


    Alright, good. Had a fight with Gero right before leaving. Weird addition to the plan, Shin, but you nailed it. ¡°That¡¯s everything, then. Are we¨C?¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡± Kaiteki, one of the three classless kobolds, raised his hand. ¡°What about him?¡±


    ¡°Huh? Oh.¡± Shin glanced down at the still bound and utterly shellshocked Ceril. ¡°I forgot you were here.¡± He hunkered down, giving the Oaken Elf a once over. He¡¯d certainly seen some better days. Maybe it''d be best not to mention he''d only been brought along in case the scouts didn''t give enough Experience to level the rest of the pack. Shin wasn''t intrinsically opposed to kicking someone while they were down, but a man''s got to have his limits. ¡°We¡¯re going to leave you in this blank void for a while, okay?¡±


    The elf mumbled something that Shin chose to interpret as an affirmative.


    ¡°You can try to escape, if you want? But it¡¯ll be almost impossible to find your way out of here without enhanced senses.¡±


    Another mumble.


    ¡°Good. I like that attitude. We¡¯ll be back for you later, okay?¡±


    Mumble.


    ¡°That¡¯s swell.¡± He straightened back up, glancing questioningly at Higen and Hanbun as he began wrapping his scarf around his face. When they nodded their readiness, he turned back towards the others. ¡°See you all soon.¡±


    The pack chorused their support, but Gero wouldn¡¯t look at him. Honestly, that was maybe for the best. Shin didn¡¯t want another vision of her hurt and angry expression to haunt him.


    It was time to go.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    It was a strange thing, Shin realized, walking to your potential death. There was excitement and fear, certainly, but more and more a sort of dreadful anticipation. A feeling that he almost didn¡¯t mind whatever wound up happening, as long as it happened as soon as possible.


    The fact that the march from the Maybe Blob to the outpost was a bit of a hike didn¡¯t help.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    There was one topic of conversation Shin still had in his pocket, though he was somewhat reluctant to bring it to bear. That being said, he was going to explode if he didn¡¯t say something to someone. So¡­¡±Hey Higen. What¡¯s your class?¡±


    The kobold grunted. ¡°Wilder.¡±


    Wilder, huh? That made five classes for the pack, in addition to the basic Kobold kit. That was probably all of them, then; based on his admittedly limited understanding, that was the amount most races naturally had. Shin was a little disappointed no one was a Wizard, but it was probably for the best that Higen couldn¡¯t shoot lightning bolts. At least he didn¡¯t think Wilder did? There was no reason to guess, though. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Higen simply grunted again. Okay, it looked like Shin would have to guess. ¡°Is it some sort of stealth thing? Or Ranger-y? Or is it more supernatural?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Goddammit. ¡°¡®Yes¡¯ to which part?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s your class, Shh.¡±


    Shin swallowed his sigh. ¡°It¡¯s Schemer.¡±


    ¡°Of course it is.¡± The wild-looking kobold was suddenly all-too willing to converse. ¡°That¡¯s you straight down to the fucking ground. You¡¯re a schemer, Shh.¡±


    This will not work if you kill Higen, Shin. Do not jump on him and chew his throat out. Do not.


    Hanbun huffed in irritation. ¡°Will you give it a break, Higen?¡±


    The Wilder scoffed. ¡°No one asked you, Half Tail.¡±


    To both Shin and Higen¡¯s surprise, Hanbun reached out and grabbed the bigger kobold by the collar of his uniform. ¡°No one thinks that¡¯s clever or funny, Higen. I¡¯m Hanbun. He¡¯s Shin. Whether we live or die tonight, the three of us are doing it together. So until we know which it¡¯s going to be, how about showing just a little respect, huh?¡±


    Shin almost expected Higen to go for one of his knives. But he didn¡¯t. ¡°Fine.¡±


    Habun raised an eyebrow. ¡°Fine what?¡±


    ¡°Fine, Hanbun.¡±


    She nodded, seemingly more or less mollified. Good timing, too. Shin tightened his scarf and lowered his voice. ¡°The outpost is up ahead. Ready?¡±


    The two kobolds nodded, pulling up their scarves as well. No turning back.


    Shin had hoped he¡¯d have been over his terrible anticipation by the time he laid eyes on the outpost. But no, it only increased. How many times had he been in this exact position? Standing just within the tree line, outpost dead ahead, some grand scheme in mind? For a moment, there was no difference in feeling between the mongrel he¡¯d been then and the kobold he was now.


    He could only hope his chances were marginally better now.


    Shin led the others straight towards the gate, clutching his cloak tightly around himself. A glance at the towers confirmed that no watch had been stationed, but the alarms on the outpost itself would alert the guards to their ¡°scouts¡± return, right? Only one way to find out. Banishing all trepidation, the disguised kobold reached out and gave the dreaded gate a firm knock.


    A moment passed. Then two. And instead of the gate groaning open, a voice called out. ¡°Who goes there!¡±


    Shin¡¯s heart dropped.


    The voice called out again. ¡°I said, who goes there?!¡±


    What should they do now? Try to scale the walls somehow? Run? Shin was still deep in the throes of indecision when a second voice joined in, thick with both laughter and intoxication. ¡°S¡¯right, haha! Who goes there?! Gonna need some ¡®dentification, you fuckers!¡±


    Shin¡¯s heart soared.


    The masked kobold held up a hand, asking the voices to wait as they loudly snickered. He carefully began to pat himself down, eyes furrowed in concentration. Then he lifted his eyebrows in success, pulling his hand out of his pocket to flip the gate and its unseen watchers the bird.


    One of the voices roared in laughter, fighting back a mad fit of hiccups. The other was not yet satisfied. ¡°Gonna need two forms of ID!¡±


    Shin considered that for a moment, then flipped his hand around to point his middle finger directly at his own crotch.


    The gate immediately began to grumble open.


    Before he could fully process his success, he found himself being dragged into the outpost by a squat guard holding a familiar-looking bottle. He was clearly three sheets to the wind, throwing his arm around Shin¡¯s shoulder as he indulged in an ugly chortle. ¡°Haha, nice one!¡± He took a long pull from his already half-full drink, then abruptly realized something. ¡°Um, yeah. We started drinkin¡¯ without you.¡±


    Shin could only hope his observation that the guards all sounded basically the same, combined with this guard¡¯s drunkenness, would see his deception through. ¡°You shits.¡±


    The guard quickly threw up his hands, sloshing a bit of liquor onto himself. ¡°Hey man, it wasn¡¯t my idea!¡¯ He quickly pointed to the other watchman, who still struggled to get his giggles and hiccups under control. ¡°It was Thom! He said fuck those guys, let¡¯s drink!¡±


    That was almost certainly a lie? But it suited Shin just fine. He glanced back at Higen and motioned towards Thom with his head. The laughing guard barely managed to get his eyes up, let alone defend himself against his partner¡¯s slander, before the wild kobold had punched him square in the gut as hard as he could.


    At least his hiccups were cured.


    The squat guard roared anew in laughter as Thom curled up on the ground, wheezing and whimpering in pain. ¡°Haha yeah! Fuck him, right?!¡± He threw his arm around Shin¡¯s shoulder again, pulling him further inside. ¡°Come on, still a few bottles in the mess! Got your names on¡¯m!¡±


    Shin had to marvel at what was happening. Here they were, inside the outpost. The Sanctum Sanctorum. The ultimate goal of every mongrel who had ever lived or died within this zone. Every inch was uncharted territory. And their most hated enemy was happily leading them every step of the way. Unbelievable.


    That being said, Shin didn¡¯t miss how ugly the place was. How mundane. It was certainly constructed with a better eye towards defense than the Oaken Elf waystation had been, but all in all the outpost seemed like an unpleasantly spartan place to live.


    The fact that their murderers had to live uncomfortably didn¡¯t change anything. It certainly didn¡¯t bring any of Shin¡¯s friends back to life. But it did give him a brief surge of spiteful pleasure. The squat guard didn¡¯t seem to notice the malice in his dark chuckle, fortunately, simply laughing along in woozy camaraderie as he threw open the doors to the mess hall and ushered the three disguised kobolds in.


    The party had clearly been going at full force for a while. Shin couldn¡¯t state for a fact the typical cleanliness of the guards¡¯ dining room, but it was an absolute wreck at the moment. Two dozen guards, most with a bottle in either hand, caroused as if there would be no tomorrow. One of the tables had been completely overturned to make space for the seemingly impromptu wrestling match had broken out, two shirtless guards sweatily grappling while trying to avoid putting down their drinks. Another had smashed his own head through a portrait that must have once hung on the wall, his cohorts screaming in laughter as he pranced around with his head sticking through what must have once been the face of some king or noble. It was an absolute madhouse.


    Shin barely noticed any of that, though. As soon as he stepped into the mess hall, he only had eyes for one of the guards¡¯ decorative choices in particular.


    The squat guard seemed to notice Shin¡¯s locked focus. ¡°Oh yeah, we threw one¡¯ve¡¯m away.¡± He waved his hand dizzily at the empty space on the wide mantle of the mess hall¡¯s fireplace, the only gap in a display of stuffed mongrels. ¡°Gotta make room!¡±


    They¡¯d been unnaturally contorted to balance on all fours rather than on their legs, positioned in the posture of an animal for all eternity. Little collars had been fitted around their necks, seemingly marking the date of that particular mongrel¡¯s capture. Their eyes had been replaced with glass simulacra, but Shin couldn¡¯t help sensing a sort of horror inside their dim gazes as they were forced to helplessly watch their killers cavort.


    Higen drew one of his knives, prompting a whisper from Hanbun. ¡°Higen¡­¡±


    If the squat guard noticed the bare steel, he didn¡¯t seem concerned. Instead he took another swig from his drink, squinting his eyes in a drunkard¡¯s concentration at the empty spot among the macabre trophies. ¡°I know ¡®sactly which one should go up, too. That big bitch, remember the one? Almost got her last time. Won¡¯t miss again. Got the perfect pose for her. See?¡± He wobbled up onto one foot, adopting a fearsome stance. ¡°It¡¯s perfect, right? Ri¨C!!¡±


    His loathsome display was cut short as both Higen and Shin surged forward, the two kobolds each sinking a dagger up to the hilt into the guard¡¯s gut. He collapsed backwards into one of the tables, plates and glasses sent shattering to the ground by his helpless flailing. He gurgled weakly, blood already bubbling out of his mouth. He was done for, no question.


    It would be the first time a guard had ever died in this zone. That undeniable fact was the first thing to burn through Shin¡¯s rage. The second was that both his and Higen¡¯s scarves had come off, and the rest of the two dozen guards in the mess hall were all staring at them now.


    Better get that gate open. Fast.

 16. The Battle for Home, Part Two

    It took all of Shin¡¯s will to fight down the terrible urge to yell out ¡®Psych!¡¯


    Somehow, though, he didn¡¯t think the other guards could be convinced that this was all some drunken prank. That this was a hilarious joke stabbing, and the decidedly mongrel-like ears atop his and his packmates¡¯ now-exposed heads were fake. The humans were all deeply drunk, and Shin could be very convincing, but he had to confess that such a feat of persuasion was likely beyond his talents.


    Besides, Higen had already drawn another dagger and hurled it straight for the closest guard, who collapsed bonelessly with the blade buried deep in his eye socket. That struck Shin as something of a definitive statement on the matter.


    But why weren¡¯t the guards swarming them yet? The kobolds were outnumbered almost eight to one. They were practically trapped in a confined area. It didn¡¯t even seem as if Shin¡¯s ultimate plan had begun to take its toll yet. Even the simplest of tacticians would have known that the best move, the only move, was to attack immediately and with overwhelming force.


    Instead, nearly half of the guards made a break for the door, trampling and battering one another in a panicked attempt to flee. Another handful were stricken in their spots, staring in disbelief at their two fallen comrades. Only five at most were making the correct play, dropping their bottles as they struggled their swords free.


    It occurred to Shin that this was the first actual fight any of the guards had ever been in. Not once in all their years lording over the zone had they ever been in anything close to real danger. They had no idea what to do. Maybe the kobolds could reach the gate after all.


    Shin hissed back to Higen and Hanbun, pulling his dagger out of the stout guard. ¡°Window.¡±


    They nodded, and then all three pressed forward.


    The first guard to reach them knew how to wield his weapon, but not that he should have waited for the others instead of attempting to face the kobolds one against three. He lunged at Shin with his shortsword, the less-skilled kobold barely managing to turn the killing blow aside. The guard raised his free arm, clearly intending to smash his off-balance target to the ground. In a one-on-one duel, he¡¯d have already won. And by the savage grin on his face, he knew it.


    But this wasn''t a duel, and Higen was inside his reach by then, snaking under the guard¡¯s attempted blow to drive his dagger directly into the human''s armpit. Four on three.


    The guard furthest back turned bone white at the sight of his bellicose comrade falling, a little mark popping above his head to signal his state of Disadvantage. Shin immediately raised his voice, face smeared in blood as he pointed towards the shocked guard. ¡°You''re next.¡±


    -------------------------


    Opportunism - Break Ranks: Opposing the Disadvantaged target¡¯s Presence, the Schemer attempts to shatter the morale of a shaken foe. A target affected by Break Ranks will gain the Fear status. If the check is failed by ten or more, they gain the Terror status instead.


    -------------------------


    The guard immediately threw down his weapon, rushing to join the throng still attempting to force their way through the door.


    Three on three.


    Higen snatched the shortsword from the dying guard¡¯s hand, flanked on either side by Shin and Hanbun as the three remaining guards closed ranks. Both sides kept their blades raised and ready as they slowly circled one another. Neither group seemed willing to make the first move, and before the guards realized it they had completely reversed positions with the kobolds.


    Shin winked, and then he and his packmates whirled around and crashed straight through the window that was now behind them, leaving behind three dumbfounded guards as they escaped into the greater outpost.


    Just a little further. Shin could taste it. They just had to get to the levers that operated the gate. And then¡­


    There was no further need for that thought. It seemed that the first guards to force their way out of the mess hall had the same idea. Shin could only watch as the axe smashed into the gate controls, rendering them inoperable even if the three kobolds somehow managed to kill every last guard in the outpost.Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Panting with exertion, the axe-wielding guard propped his weapon up on his shoulder as he turned to face the three intruders. ¡°Goin¡¯ somewhere?¡± he wheezed, the four guards standing directly in front of the inoperable gate drawing their bows. ¡°Nah. I don¡¯t think you are.¡±


    Many of the humans had managed to shove their way out of the mess hall by this point, the sight of their trapped foes miraculously reigniting their courage. Chuckling now as they caught their breath, they moved to surround the three kobolds, Shin and Higen and Hanbun back-to-back with weapons bared.


    The guard with the axe took a moment to wipe his arm across his sweat-drenched forehead before swaggering forward. ¡°Well now. Don¡¯t know what you are. But I don¡¯t think you¡¯re gonna fit on the mantle, eh?¡± He roared with laughter, calling out to the others. ¡°Eh? We¡¯re gonna need a bigger trophy display, right lads?¡±


    The guards joined in his bloody-minded amusement, braying their approval as they inched forward. Axe clapped a meaty hand to his thick belly, guffawing so hard that he was actually wincing in pain. This was it, then. After every plan, after every triumph. Their preordained fate still unchanged.


    And then the gate shuddered.


    ¡°Eh?!¡± Axe spun around, his mirth forgotten. ¡°What¡¯s thaaaaugh?!¡±


    He doubled over as the gate screamed again, clutching at his stomach with an agonized groan. More and more of the guards joined in, starting to realize that perhaps their shortness of breath and the terrible heat burrowing its way through their guts wasn¡¯t simply from excitement and fear. That maybe, something much worse for them was going on.


    The guards had been around much longer than Shin, but he still knew a few things they apparently did not. Which mushrooms were toxic. Not to be so trusting of free drinks. Always strike while you have the Advantage.


    Maybe a few of the guards would be able to learn those lessons in the short time they had left. But it was doubtful. Because the gate only gave one more tortured groan before it burst open, all four bow wielding humans sent flying as the combined force of Gero and the two other Brutes splintered the thick wooden barricade into firewood.


    From there, matters took a decided swing.


    The guards still outnumbered the kobolds two to one, but the combined effects of the surprise reinforcements and the poisoned wine utterly evaporated any advantage they might have had. Choro and Karikari had already taken over the watchtowers, raining down arrows upon the sickened humans with unerring accuracy. Gero and her Brutes went through the clustered guards like a scythe through wheat, each swing of her brutal club leaving shattered bodies in her wake. And any guards who managed to break free soon found themselves swarmed by the other kobolds, dragged down screaming.


    Shin found himself losing focus as the bedlam went its bloody course. This was truly happening. They¡¯d snatched victory from countless generations of defeat. The Biggest Plan had actually¨C


    He could only flinch as something buzzed past his ear, a wet thud and a gurgle of pain sounding out directly behind him. Shin turned around to find Axe, clearly just moments away from bringing his name-sake weapon down on the kobold¡¯s head. But now there was a dagger buried in his throat, the human collapsing to his knees.


    Higen breezed past Shin without a word, collecting his dagger from the guard¡¯s neck and claiming his axe as well. The wild kobold straightened up, his face a mask of blood as he met his one-time rival¡¯s blank stare.


    And then he turned his head, spat, and stalked off again. Lesson learned, Shin. Celebrations only come after the victory.


    Judging by the chorus and dings and jubilant howls filling the outpost, however, that victory was at hand. Shin shook himself, then glanced towards the sky. Sure enough, there it was.


    Conquest Complete! (Raze/Claim?)


    Shin was surrounded then by his overjoyed packmates, their injuries and bruises completely forgotten as they chattered and laughed in victory. The Schemer did his best to keep up with the endless barrage of applause and adulation, though at that moment there was only one voice he wanted to hear.


    Fortunately, Gero was not hard to spot.


    ¡°What happened to leaving if the gate didn¡¯t open?¡± Shin grinned up at the woman, her powerful frame coated in sweat and muck and much worse. He wasn¡¯t certain he¡¯d ever seen a finer sight. ¡°Forgot that part, did we?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t forget.¡± Gero was unable to resist a grin of her own. ¡°Hasn¡¯t been twenty minutes yet.¡±


    Well. Who was Shin to argue with that logic?


    Momo rushed to them, her eyes sparkling. ¡°We¡¯ve got some injuries, but everyone made it! Everyone!¡±


    Shin turned, realizing that the eyes of all of his packmates were on him. They clearly expected a speech. And to his surprise, Shin realized he didn¡¯t have one. How uncharacteristic. Normally, he¡¯d have had the victory speech prepared well before the actual plan was. Luckily, he didn¡¯t need one. In this moment, there was only one possible thing to say.


    Shin raised his hand, and the entire pack fell silent. ¡°What we just accomplished¡­this was the goal of every mongrel that ever came before us. They all lived, and died, wanting exactly one thing. So for all of them, and for ourselves, it¡¯s time to finally claim our greatest prize. Shall we?¡±


    Nothing more needed to be said. And so reverently, almost solemnly, but with a deeply held pride, each and every kobold ceremoniously dropped trow and set about peeing over every square inch of the outpost.


    Truly, this was the smell of Victory.


    .

 17. The Tribal Decision Tree

    Shin would be the first to admit that he was a drastically different person from his not-so-distant days as a mongrel. His thinking was much more advanced. His conception of the world itself was vastly expanded. Something was on the top shelf? Boom, he could handle that noise.


    But despite all of that, despite all of his and his pack¡¯s advancements and refinements, he had to confess that there was something deeply satisfying about finally marking the source of all of their hopes and fears as forever theirs. It was primal, intense. It felt good.


    It also made the whole place smell like piss. And as the entire pack was discovering, they were just a bit too domesticated now to be fully down for that. So when someone suggested letting the place air out a touch, no one had any objections.


    Besides. There was plenty of trash lying around that needed seeing to.


    Shin had briefly considered letting the fallen guards fade away naturally. With dignity. The Oaken Elves had also been less than worthy foes, after all, but the kobolds had still seen fit to treat their remains respectfully. It was the high-minded thing to do.


    But then he remembered the display of stuffed mongrels. Remembered the dull horror of their glass eyes. And his heart was hardened. Shit wasn¡¯t left out to further offend the senses with its filth. Shit got buried.


    So into a hole the guards would go. Shin had no idea if that actually cut them out of the life stream, or if it was just a hollow gesture of spite. But it felt right. God knew there were worse reasons to start a tradition.


    By the time the mass grave had been dug and the humans disposed of, the sun had begun to set and the outpost¡¯s odor wasn¡¯t quite so pungent. Time to make things official. The entire pack formed an excited circle in the open grounds of the conquered fort, tails wagging as they stared up at the screen that still floated high above them.


    Conquest Complete! (Raze/Claim?)


    Shin nodded to Momo, after a moment to collect herself the little cleric threw out her arms to signal for all the kobolds to answer as one.


    "CLAIM!"


    LA:35l-J claim activated processing valid host found valid score found executing claim


    The world outside the high walls and splintered gate of the outpost fell away in great slats, like tiles being peeled away from reality itself to spin off into a vast nothingness. All that was left was the outpost, and the pack.


    Supu, one of the Bruisers, snuck a quick glance at what lay beyond the new boundaries of existence. He whipped himself forward just as quickly, making every effort to not look beyond the outpost walls again. ¡°Is this, um, what¡¯s supposed to happen?¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t really have an answer. ¡°Maybe?¡± He couldn¡¯t resist taking a peek himself. It was¡­difficult to describe. Simultaneously entrancing and unbearable. It was like staring into the endless possibilities of all things, of everything terrible and beautiful that could ever be. At the same time, the sight gave Shin the distinct impression of flipping over some monstrous insect and gazing upon the revolting chaos that writhed below, like the careless fumblings of some insane godhead.


    Very quickly, Shin decided he didn¡¯t want to look outside either. ¡°Maybe let¡¯s just pick up the pace a bit, yeah?¡±


    Stepping forward into the circle, Momo peered thoughtfully at the updated screen that hung there. ¡°What¡¯s this, then? We need to ¡®define our Tribe¡¯?¡±


    It was true, the prompt had changed.


    ¡®Kobold Tribe¡¯: Level One, Undefined. Define Tribe?


    Well, Shin figured that at least the first step was straightforward. ¡°Define Tribe.¡±


    The pack ooh-ed and aah-ed as the prompt zoomed out, ¡®Kobold Tribe¡¯ now forming the center of a vast decision tree. The scope of it was overwhelming, implying the existence of possibilities that couldn¡¯t be reached in generations of trying. But for the moment, the chart was grayed out. ¡®Kobold Tribe¡¯ pulsed with an insistent light, and demanded that a single choice be made immediately.


    Shin shuddered as raw concepts flooded his brain. Savage might, animalistic cunning. Fire and blood and bone and gold. So much power, but not wholly their own. Never only their own. If the pack was willing to sacrifice some vital piece of themselves, willing to truly become Monsters¡­the plight of their forebears would never come to pass again.


    And then, another path: Independent. But fragile. Terribly fragile. And...that was it. How curious. It was clear to Shin which path the System considered the correct one. The images had been clear about the costs of becoming Monsters, no question, but had also been effusive about the rewards. By contrast, little more than the risks for going down the so-called ¡®Citizen¡¯ path were presented. Just the risks, and the fact that they would be Independent.


    Or as Shin translated it, the fact that they would be Free.


    There was no discussion, not even any words spoken. It seemed as if the System was directly polling the pack members¡¯ minds on this preeminent question. ¡®Kobold Tribe¡¯ simply stopped pulsing, and the first two paths opened up.


    Shin cracked open an eye, glancing around at his packmates. ¡°You all saw that too, right?¡± Nods in response. ¡°Was anyone tempted by Monster?¡±


    He didn¡¯t see a single nod as Shita spoke up. ¡°We know a bad deal when we smell it,¡± she grumbled, rubbing in annoyance at her long nose. ¡°Our lives¡¯ve always been fragile, an¡¯ we still made it this far. Right?¡±


    There were nods all around as Dyu gave a start. ¡°Uh? Status!¡± He squinted at his own screen, his ears popping up fully alert. ¡°Hey, my class changed! I mean, I¡¯ve got one now?¡±


    Mummering in curiosity, the rest of the pack brought their sheets up as well. Shin didn¡¯t notice any change to his, still a Schemer through and through. But Shita and Kaiteki also seemed to have changed from simply being ¡®Kobolds¡¯ to becoming ¡®Villagers¡¯.


    ¡°Is there anything more?¡± Momo asked, tilting her head in interest, ¡°Or does it just say ¡®Villagers¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Um, one sec.¡± Shita tapped something on her screen, eyes widening as she began to flip through what appeared to be a long list of options. ¡°I have another pick to make? Like ¡®Farmer¡¯ and ¡®Craftsperson¡¯ and such?¡±


    It made sense, considering the choice they just made. Monsters didn¡¯t need someone to grow their food, or weave their clothes, or make their tools. But Citizens of a village did.


    Shita tapped something, then frowned. ¡°Oh. I can¡¯t make a pick until we finish the Tribe choices.¡±


    ¡°Right, of course.¡± Shin addressed the rest of the pack. ¡°Should we keep going, then?¡±


    The next choice was less demanding than the first, to Shin¡¯s relief. Not quite as casual as the sort of choice that he made off of his Status Screen, but significantly more so than the full sensory hard sell they¡¯d just been through. It seemed that the information was still transmitted in ways beyond words, though.


    The right path filled Shin¡¯s mind with visions of a tribe on the move, a tribe that sought its future wherever they could find it: Marauders, or perhaps traders, or even traveling entertainers. The territory they had claimed would always be an important hub for them, but less of a home and more of a place for resupply and outfitting. The staging ground for a lifetime of roaming. The system didn¡¯t attach a title of its own, actually, so ¡®Roaming¡¯ seemed as good a fit as any.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    The left path, conversely, put as much focus on the tribe¡¯s new territory as the tribe itself. From their new bastion, they might be warlike conquerors or peaceful sages. A secretive sect or a warm, inviting community. The former outpost was their foundation, and from it they would try to build something even grander. ¡®Builders¡¯.


    A long moment passed, the pack waiting silently in increasingly awkward silence. Shin cracked open an eye, only to find the rest of the kobolds all doing the same. He coughed in slight embarrassment; it seemed as if they had to actually talk this one out. ¡°So, thoughts? Neither seems intrinsically bad.¡±


    Momo hummed thoughtfully. ¡°True, but context matters. If we were Roamers, our future would depend on the quality of our neighbors. Right?¡±


    ¡°So, the Oaken Elves.¡± Gero scoffed. ¡°A real bunch of sweethearts.¡±


    ¡°Weak ones, if that idiot you three captured is any indication.¡± Higen distractedly scratched at his back with the tip of one of his knives. ¡°Neighbors like that? We could vanish into their own forests. Strike as we pleased.¡±


    He wasn¡¯t entirely wrong. Gero certainly looked intrigued. Shin had a few thoughts, though. ¡°The Oaken Elves are a soft target, but what about whoever¡¯s next? It¡¯s a massive Kingdom after them, and I don¡¯t imagine we¡¯d have an easy time there.¡±


    Higen gestured expansively with his knife. ¡°We could just keep juicing the Elves. It¡¯s like a crab: you snap off the claws, throw it back, wait for them to regrow and then snap¡¯m off again. Just eat off them forever.¡±


    Shin had never seen a crab, but he knew exactly what Higen was saying. ¡°It¡¯s not a bad plan, but would you really be happy doing that forever?¡±


    Some of the other pack members had thoughts of their own. ¡°We almost died taking the outpost, though,¡± Hanbun pointed out. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t we try to put down roots here?¡±


    ¡°Putting down roots can be a risk.¡± Gero offered. ¡°Our enemies know where to find us. They can pin us down.¡±


    ¡°Um, which enemies, exactly?¡± Hanbun raised her hands questioningly. ¡°Our zone only has one exit and entrance; it¡¯s not as if we¡¯re surrounded on all sides. Our only neighbors are these Oaken Elves that everyone seems to agree are weaklings. Are we worried about them pinning us down?¡±


    Shin hadn¡¯t fully considered that. But didn¡¯t she have a fantastic point? And moreso, wasn¡¯t this actually a very exciting opportunity? ¡°She¡¯s absolutely right. It might not last forever, but right now? This zone is maybe the most defensible position we could have ever wished for. If we take the time to build ourselves up here, we won¡¯t have to worry about the strength of our neighbors. By the time they reach us, it¡¯s our strength they will need to worry about.¡±


    Gero thought about it for a long moment, then nodded in agreement. Higen merely shrugged, but that was the closest he¡¯d ever come to conceding a point. With the debate seemingly running dry, Momo decided it was time to take a vote. ¡°All in favor of Builders?¡±


    The bulk of the pack¡¯s hands went up instantly, the remaining few following after a bit of thought. Higen was the last to give a careless little flip of his hand, making the decision unanimous. The path leading left on the decision tree lit up, and they had one more choice left to make.


    Shin waited for the visions to come again, but they never did. Instead, two words appeared bluntly in his mind.


    RECLUSIVE


    WELCOMING


    ¡­Hm. No more hints than that. Something about this choice tugged at Shin, worried at his instincts. It was clear that the System was hiding the full impact of this choice from them, and that could only mean that it was the most significant decision they would have to make.


    They were going anywhere until they made it, though. So no reason to wait. ¡°I guess that¡¯s all we get. Thoughts?¡±


    ¡°Reclusive.¡±


    Higen made his opinion clear so immediately that Shin couldn¡¯t help being a bit taken aback. ¡°Really? Why?¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡± He gave Shin a look of disbelief. ¡°We shared this zone with another group, and they spent their free time murdering us. The only reason we¡¯re here now, making these choices, is because we killed all of them. I really need more of an argument than that?¡±


    It annoyed Shin to admit it twice in such a short period of time, but Higen had a point. Put the outpost guards and the Oaken Elves together, and the fledgling pack was precisely zero for two on the Friendly Neighbors count. If Reclusive meant keeping and seeing to their own? Maybe they¡¯d survive when they inevitably went zero for three.


    Before Shin could grudgingly support Higen, however, Shibou spoke up. ¡°I, um, think we should go Welcoming.¡±


    Higen rolled his eyes. ¡°Why.¡±


    The big Brute flattened his ears, unused to trying to defend himself with his words. ¡°Because it¡­sounds nicer? I guess?¡±


    ¡°It sounds nicer. You guess.¡± Higen shook his head in annoyance. ¡°That is the dumbest thing I¡¯ve ever heard. When you became a kobold, did your brains accidentally stay mongrel?¡±


    Shibou¡¯s mouth hung open, unable to marshal any further words against the verbal assault. But he didn¡¯t need to, as one of the other kobolds immediately threw her arms around him. ¡°Hey, don¡¯t be mean to Shibou!¡± Karikari insisted, glaring at Higen. ¡°We have to be good to each other!¡±


    ¡°Yeah!¡± Choro joined in, his bent tail held high. ¡°Besides, I don¡¯t think I like all this talk about more killing and, and snapping off claws or whatever. Is that really who we¡¯re going to be?¡±


    The rest of the pack grew more animated, chattering with agreement as Hanbun raised her voice. ¡°We got rid of the guards because they were bad. We can¡¯t turn around and be just as bad as them now.¡±


    Higen growled, stepping forward to defend himself against his increasingly riled packmates. ¡°We don¡¯t have to be like them, but we can¡¯t just be¨C!¡±


    He cut off as Momo interrupted him, her normally sweet voice dripping with authority. ¡°I vote for Welcoming.¡±


    The rest of the kobolds immediately threw up their hands, calling out their support for Welcoming as well. Higen shook his head, clearly annoyed but unwilling to further defend his position. There wasn¡¯t really anything else to add, was there? The path leading towards Welcoming lit up, and then the decision tree vanished.


    Finalize Tribe?


    ¡°Finalize Tribe!¡±


    Choose Territory Name (Input/Randomize)


    Okay. This was something Shin had actually put some thought into. ¡°You know, this whole time we''ve been fighting for our home, right? So why don¡¯t we just call it that? Home?¡±


    The pack was quiet, for a time. And Gero coughed. ¡°That¡¯s¡­really corny.¡±


    Then the floodgates opened.


    ¡°Seems a bit obvious?¡±


    "Pretty bland, I think."


    ¡°I don¡¯t, um¡­¡±


    ¡°Is ¡®banal¡¯ the right word?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t like it!¡±


    ¡°Really dumb.¡±


    ¡°Seriously, Shin?¡±


    Right. Well. The, uh, court of public opinion has spoken, apparently. Shin cleared his throat, attempting to salvage a bit of dignity. ¡°So then, um. Randomize?¡±


    ¡°Randomize!¡±


    LA:35l-J defined searching database appropriating culture executing village design


    The outpost began to spin as the tiles that made up reality flew back into place, more and more of the world sprouting anew around them. They spun so fast that Shin found his vision blurring, everything around him reduced to a smeared blur.


    And then it stopped, the world snapping back into focus around them. The kobolds found themselves deposited neatly outside of the former outpost, still stunned by their sudden return to existence. Shin¡¯s eyes were still bleary, but his imagination was absolutely on fire. The zone of their birth was finally theirs, and he simply could not wait to explore what new excitements it had to offer.


    Now. What was the deal with this giant prompt obscuring the whole outpost?


    SHINKI ITTEN VILLAGE PATCHING (0 OF 100)


    Hm. Right.


    Anticlimactic.

 18. Old Friends, New Family

    For his entire life, Shin had always dreamed that something better was around the corner. Some greater meaning, some grander destiny. Those dreams had been simple as a mongrel: a bigger cave to sleep in, a safer zone to live in, a sparrow so fat that it could no longer fly. And they¡¯d remained simple as a kobold as well. Because more than anything else, what Shin wanted was a place that he and his pack could truly create a life for themselves.


    Shin had been waiting for this his entire life. He could wait a little longer.


    SHINKI ITTEN VILLAGE PATCHING (3 OF 100)


    Okay this is super boring.


    That¡¯s fine, though. There was plenty to occupy his mind. His Status Screen for example; Shin hadn¡¯t taken time for a deep dive since the big fight. ¡°Status.¡±


    The fact that he was Level Friggin¡¯ Twelve sent Shin tumbling into a reflective mood. Just a month ago, being Level Two would have been enough to make him the Biggest Boss, the sort of Ur-Mongrel that would have been a legend forever in the eyes of his packmates.


    He could have done it, too. He hadn¡¯t needed to tell the others about Moots¡¯ quest. Paths not taken, and Shin didn¡¯t regret it for a second. He¡¯d rather be among equals in a pack with a future than king of a pile of dead dogs.


    Hm. Something was different about this sheet. He had¡­wait, seventeen unspent Ability Points? Going from Level Ten to Twelve should have only given him six, right? Some quick math revealed the most likely cause: he was getting four points per level now. Maybe from the pack¡¯s Tribal Strength increase?


    However it happened, this change put him and the other kobolds one step closer to attribute parity with the greater powers of the world. They were still unquestionably behind, now he knew that the gap could be closed.


    There were a couple other changes, too. Better just take in the whole sheet.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Citizen)


    Class: Schemer (Lvl 12)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.


    Stats: (17 points remaining)


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 15</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 14</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 30</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Ranged Specialization (Undefined) Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency


    Class Features: Leadership (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold, Crafty), A Certain Low Cunning, Opportunism, Combat Savant


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Leadership: Whether through experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it¡¯s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence modifier</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Careful: If up to one source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.</li>


    </ul>


    A Certain Low Cunning: You were born among the trash, not the tactics room, and no one would ever mistake you for some grand strategist. But when everything is on the line, and the only strategy that matters is ¡°Survive¡±, trash will often stand tall while tactics fall flat.


    Your Intelligence Modifier is increased by your Presence or Wisdom Modifier, whichever is higher. In addition, whenever you would gain Advantage you may choose to grant an opponent Disadvantage instead.


    Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they¡¯re down. You say that a winner never lets a foe get back up again. You¡¯ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you¡¯re all too happy to oblige.


    Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target¡¯s level, Mental Stats and mental state.


    Combat Savant: The greatest minds of the battlefield spend years crafting their martial art in the High Academies and monastic orders of the world, honing the ability to use their keen intellect itself as a weapon. You, on the other hand, were the top of your class at the School of Hard Knocks, learning suspiciously similar lessons with every filthy fight for your flea-bitten life.


    You may use your Intelligence Modifier in place of your Agility Modifier during combat


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Alright, well, first off: Screw you, whoever writes that description section. ¡®Straw into gold painted straw¡¯? That plot with the mushroom-seeped wine was some for real gold.


    With that out of the way...uh, wow? Shin had been a bit worried about his need for more and more Presence impacting his combat stats, but didn¡¯t Combat Savant solve that problem for him? It was Intelligence, not Presence, but still it was¡­


    ¡­Wait. Shin reread A Certain Low Cunning, trying to make absolutely sure he wasn¡¯t missing anything. So¡­he could replace his Agility Modifier with his Intelligence Modifier. But he could also add his Presence Modifier to his Intelligence modifier, right? So his combat stat was effectively his two best Mental stats added together?


    Seemed good. Pretty good.


    This took a lot of pressure off of his stat allotment plan. Dumping as many points as he could into Presence had made sense before, but now that the stat also helped him shoot things it was clearly the optimal choice. Two points per level still seemed to be the most he could give any one stat per Level, though, so he immediately plugged four more points into Presence.


    After that, though, he no longer needed to put his remaining points into Agility in an attempt to stay relevant in combat. And as much as he desperately wanted to throw everything he had into Intelligence, diversifying a bit seemed prudent. So he put one point into Agility to smooth out that ugly odd number, then split the rest of his surplus points between Toughness, Intelligence and Wisdom. There.


    Four Points per level. That meant no more odd numbers, ever. Bliss.


    See? Time flies when you¡¯re powergaming your own life. Now that Shin had taken the time to dig in and do the work, he could now explore the¨C


    SHINKI ITTEN VILLAGE PATCHING (4 OF 100)


    Bluuuuuh.


    ¡°Gero, Momo. Do you want to go take a walk?¡±


    Gero responded immediately. ¡°Omigod yes this is so boring.¡±


    Momo folded her hands into her sleeves, shaking her head. ¡°I still need to work through a few things on my sheet. You two should go!¡± Before Shin or Gero could respond, the little cleric was already eagerly pushing them down the road. ¡°I¡¯ll join up later; have fun~!¡±


    Then she scampered off, leaving the two kobolds alone in a silence that was inexorably becoming awkward.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Gero reached up, unnecessarily tucking back a strand of her short blonde hair. ¡°Walk?¡±


    ¡°Right, walk.¡± Shin gave a thumbs up. ¡°Good idea.¡±


    ¡°It was already your idea.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Really? Great idea then.¡±This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    Gero shoved him as they started down the path. ¡°You dork.¡±


    Woof, thank God for that extra four points into Toughness. Gero¡¯s idea of what counted as playful roughhousing was closer to what most people would consider an all-out brawl. Not that Shin was about to complain.


    The strange discomfort safely displaced by their usual companionable ease, the two kobolds leisurely made their way through the scrub woods towards the exit from the zone. There were little PATCHING signs dotting the landscape, too; clearly the change to the outpost was going to bring about an even greater shift to the zone itself. Oh, maybe that water feature would be finished, and Doug would get his job back! Whoever that was, and whatever that was.


    Not that Shin was particularly interested in the mysterious Doug and his equally mysterious misfortunes right now. It was chit-chat time. And while his Status Screen marked him as a Combat Savant, Shin was ready to prove that he was a Small Talk Savant as well. ¡°So. Anything interesting on your sheet?¡±


    Nice.


    The woman shrugged. ¡°I mean, I think it¡¯s all very interesting. But it¡¯s still just bigger numbers when I hit things and smaller numbers when I get hit by things. Oh!¡± Her pale brown eyes sparkled. ¡°I got Blunt Specialization. Took Greatclub, obviously.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I have a Specialization, too! Status.¡± Shin clicked on the Trait in question, the entry opening up into a long list of options. ¡°I didn¡¯t realize I got to pick a specific type of weapon, though.¡±


    Gero nodded, glancing at the bow slung over Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°That¡¯s what, a recurve bow?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I guess that¡¯s what I should take, right?¡±


    ¡°We should figure out what the dumbest option is, first.¡±


    ¡°Okay yes, we are absolutely doing that.¡± Shin flipped through the list of seemingly every ranged weapon ever produced or imagined, eagerly seeking out the Strange and the Absurd. ¡°How about this: ¡®Throwing Sword¡¯.¡±


    Gero cocked an eyebrow. ¡°Throwing Sword? Not Knife.¡±


    ¡°Nope, Sword.¡±


    ¡°So, what, it¡¯s for giants who throw stuff? Or insecure dagger persons?¡±


    ¡°Both. It¡¯s one thousand percent for both.¡±


    ¡°Okay, next.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm¡­.¡± Shin scrolled a little further. ¡°Boomerang Attached to Rope¡¯.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Gero adopted a mock incredulous look. ¡°Shin, that¡¯s not dumb. That¡¯s incredibly effective. Maybe you just don¡¯t get it?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Shin tapped a finger to his chin, brow furrowed. ¡°I guess I don¡¯t?¡±


    Gero leaned in. ¡°Okay, here¡¯s the deal. You throw the boomerang, right?¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh¡­¡±


    She spread her hands out, a look of deep satisfaction on her pretty face. ¡°And then you use the rope to pull the boomerang back.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Tap tap tap. ¡°Don¡¯t boomerangs come back by themselves, though?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s just an urban legend, Shin.¡± Gero lightly flicked his nose. ¡°Don¡¯t be so gullible.¡±


    Shin chuckled. ¡°Gosh, good thing you¡¯re here to keep things straight, Gero.¡± He flipped around a little longer. ¡°Here¡¯s one: ¡®Bag Full of Wasps¡¯.¡±


    Gero stopped dead in her tracks. ¡°What? No way.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s right here on the sheet. ¡®Bag Full of Wasps.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re telling me,¡±¨CShe grabbed Shin by the shoulders¨C¡±That there is at least one person out there throwing full bags of wasps at people?!¡±


    ¡°Um, yes. That is what I¡¯m telling you.¡±


    Gero shuddered. ¡°That is the worst and I hate it.¡± She glared down at Shin. ¡°You better not pick that.¡±


    Shin crossed his heart. ¡°I won¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°What are you picking, then?¡±


    He tapped an entry on his sheet. ¡°Recurve Bow.¡±


    Gero narrowed her eyes. ¡°Are you sure?!¡±


    ¡°Very, very sure.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t trust you. I know you want to throw wasps!¡± She twisted around, snagging Shin in a loose headlock. ¡°Lemme see your Status Screen!¡±


    ¡°Never~!¡± He quickly reached out, tickling Gero¡¯s sides. ¡°This is tyranny! Tyranny against wasps!¡±


    ¡°C-Cheater!¡± The big kobold gasped with laughter, her breath catching in her throat as her attempts to squirm away from Shin¡¯s devious fingers caused them both to topple over. They rolled over one another, giggling and gasping in equal measure, until they skidded to a halt with Shin on top of Gero, their eyes locked and their laughter quickly forgotten.


    She smelled so good. Had she always smelled that good?


    A thousand possible things to say raced through Shin¡¯s mind. Sorry, my fault! We¡¯re really good at rolling! Let¡¯s just stay like this forever that¡¯s not crazy right? But he couldn¡¯t force any of those objectively perfect sentiments out. Instead, the two simply stared at one another. Until Gero¡¯s head slowly lifted, her eyes starting to close as Shin became more and more consumed by her sweet breath on his face.


    Then the loudest belch Shin had ever heard echoed through the trees, prompting Gero to yelp in surprise and full-on flip him ass over teakettle.


    Gero yelped in dismay as she regained her senses, rushing forward to help the stupefied Shin to his feet. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry!¡±


    ¡°S¡¯alright..¡± Shin offered, pawing dizzily at the stars floating around his head. ¡°Think that was Moots¡­¡±


    Sure enough, they¡¯d reached the old hermit¡¯s camp, and the source of the almighty burp was the man himself. He¡¯d shoved his face all the way into his cooking pot, presumably to lick up the final drips of his pork roast, creating a sort of echo chamber for his already formidable audible digestive side effects.


    Moots pulled himself free from the pot with a loud ¡®pop¡¯, satisfaction and regret warring for space on his crinkled face. Then he noticed Gero and Shin, and his expression immediately shifted to delight. ¡°Why iffin it ain¡¯t my right good buddies! Y¡¯all pups¡¯re a sight fer sore eyes!¡±


    Gero grinned as she walked over to clap Moots on the back, the embarrassments of the previous moment already forgotten. ¡°So how do you like pork?¡±


    The old man rubbed his stomach, his eyes rolling back in bliss. ¡°Ol¡¯ Moots had no idea somethin¡¯ so tasty was right ¡®round the bend! Oh Lordy, I¡¯ll never know how you pups turned out so good, but Ol¡¯ Moots won¡¯t never forget it.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist a smile of his own. ¡°You¡¯ve helped us too, Moots. In more ways than one.¡±


    ¡°Oh ho? How¡¯s that, then?¡± Moots eyes took a sly cast. ¡°Like that lil¡¯ delivery y''all had Ol¡¯ Moots make? That special wine, eh?¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± Shin managed a bashful shrug. ¡°I wondered if you would notice.¡±


    ¡°Pshaw.¡± Moots puffed out his chest. ¡°Don¡¯t got no clue when I was born, but it sure as heckfire weren¡¯t yesterday.¡± He took a moment to run a hand through his lanky hair before offering the kobolds a meaningful look. ¡°So then, them guards are¡­?¡±


    He made a complicated gesture around his throat that probably meant death, so Shin nodded. ¡°Yep. All of them.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± He thought about it for a moment longer, then offered a little smile. ¡°Well then let Ol¡¯ Moots be the first t¡¯give his ¡®gratulations to the new big wigs of the zone, eh?¡±


    He extended his hand, both Gero and Shin taking the hermit up on the friendly gesture without a moment¡¯s hesitation. They gave a start, however, when a prompt appeared above Moots¡¯ head.


    Invite to Tribe (Y/N?)


    Shin shared a stunned look with Gero as Moots raised his eyebrows, unable to see the screen floating above himself. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Gero hesitantly spoke up. ¡°It¡¯s, uh, asking if you want to join us?¡±


    The old man chuckled, a bit ruefully. ¡°Aw heck. ¡®Course Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯d love too, but¨C¡±


    The ¡®Y¡¯ lit up with a pleasant chime as Moots found himself enveloped in a curtain of glowing energy. The hermit could only stare at himself in shock as he flared and flashed, the glow bursting away from his body to reveal a newly made man. He was still Moots, no question. But his beard was neatly trimmed, and his scraggles of hair were cleanly shaved. Even his clothes had changed, his raggedy old pajamas replaced with a clean robe almost identical to the one Shin wore.


    The surprises didn¡¯t stop there. The sparkling glow had enveloped the hermit¡¯s camp by then, coalescing around his tent. Soon it spread outward, revealing that what was before a sad little sheet draped over some clothesline had transformed into a cozy one-man hut, chimes dangling from the roof sweetly ringing in the wind that sent the well-worn rocking chair perched on the porch creaking.


    A small vegetable garden was tucked to the side of the cabin, but the biggest reveal came as the glow passed over unused land and left behind a large, neatly fenced pen where a dozen or so perfectly pink pigs happily wallowed in the mud.


    One of the little fellows turned his head towards the dumbstruck trio, offering a pleased grunt to affirm both its existence and extreme contentment. That wound up being the blow that broke Gero¡¯s shock, the Brute rushed over to gasp at the contentedly oinking animals. ¡°They are so cute~!¡±


    Shin could only offer a hapless shrug as Moots continued to stare wide-eyed at his transformed camp. ¡°I hope you, er, always wanted to be a farmer?¡±


    Gero had already hopped the fence, cooing and clucking at the pigs that gathered fearlessly to demand the chin scratches she was eager to give. She knew those were for food, right? Shin glanced back at Moots, only to find the old man¡¯s hand covering his mouth and his eyes filling with tears. ¡°I¡­Moots, is something wrong?¡±


    Moots quickly shook his head, drawing in a shuddering gasp of air as he squeezed his eyes to gather himself. After a long moment, he sniffed loudly and looked up at Shin. ¡°No, I¡­it¡¯s just, I¡¯m not hungry.¡±


    Gero called out from the pigsty, completely covered in mud. ¡°So what?¡±


    Moots shook his hand. ¡°You don¡¯t understand; I ain¡¯t never not been hungry. That damned quest, Ol¡¯ Moots always had to be half-starvin¡¯.¡± He reached out, tears and sincere gratitude shining from his face as he took hold of Shin¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Y''all pups saved me from that curse. How could I ever thank you?¡±


    Shin smiled, half-embarrassed as he patted the now-pig farmer on the hand. ¡°You don¡¯t have to thank us, Moots. Family helps each other. Right?¡±


    Moots wrinkled face burst in a grin at that, sniffling back more tears as he wiped the sleeve of his robe across his face. Gero leaned over the side of the fence, head tilted in curiosity as a thought struck her. ¡°I wonder what happened to your quest, though.¡±


    As soon as she finished the word ¡®quest¡¯, Moots¡¯ jaw dropped open and words began to spill out. ¡°Moots is plum tired, I''ll tell y¡¯that! Y''all think y''all might do an ol'' man a favor? Them piggies need their veggies to keep ¡®em growing right; iffin y''all ''venturers''d give ¡®em some o¡¯ these here cabbages, Moots''d be mighty grateful!"


    There was a small chime as a neat little pile of cabbages in the garden patch lit up, the pigs immediately beginning to snort and squeal in anticipation. Shin turned his head towards Gero, who was already smiling with a nod of agreement. ¡°Well Moots, it would be an honor to be the first to feed your pigs.¡±


    And so he gathered up an armful of cabbages, carrying them over to the pen as Moots approached his new hut. He ran an almost reverent hand across the arm of his chair, letting out a deep sigh as he slowly sank down into it and began to rock back and forth, eyes closed with contentment.


    Shin had never seen anyone so at peace.

 19. Old Rivals, New Tensions

    Moots had drifted off to sleep by the time the pigs had devoured the last cabbage, the familiar >ding< indicated that the task was completed. As expected, the kobolds were too highly leveled for any reward, but in a way such a charming task was its own reward.


    Charming, but excessively dirty.


    Fortunately, a small well had appeared during the transformation of the camp, and soon Shin and Gero were washing the muck off of themselves.


    ¡°Did you know he could join?¡± Gero asked, pulling her arms out of the wash pan. ¡°Because it surprised the hell out of me.¡±


    ¡°I had no idea before it happened.¡± Shin dumped the rest of the water onto his head, wringing the last of the dirt from his long hair before moving to refill the pan. ¡°I think I get it now, though.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Gero tilted her head, watching the other kobold pump more water. ¡°Well I sure don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°I have a theory about that, actually.¡±


    ¡°You have a theory? Shin has a theory?¡± Gero lightly smacked a hand to her cheek, eyebrows raised in mock surprise. ¡°I¡¯m shocked. Look how shocked I am.¡±


    ¡°Anyways.¡± Shin plopped the wash pan down so Gero could finish before starting to tie back his hair. ¡°It¡¯s because of the Intelligence Stat.¡±


    ¡°Oh wow.¡± Gero scrubbed her hands through her short hair, working out the last bits of mud. ¡°So you¡¯ve figured it all out because you¡¯re such a genius? Really Shin?¡±


    ¡°No, definitely not. In fact, I don¡¯t think putting points in Intelligence makes you smarter at all.


    ¡°Huh.¡± Gero accepted the rag Shin offered, thoughtfully drying off her ears. ¡°Well, I can confirm that not adding points to Intelligence also doesn¡¯t make you smarter. Because I don¡¯t get it.¡±


    ¡°Okay, here. Look.¡± Shin made a complex gesture, summoning up the Tribal Decision Tree. The massive screen was much as they remembered, almost entirely grayed out beyond the path the Tribe was already going down. Shin pointed to the first box. ¡°This is the step where we chose ¡®Builders¡¯. It clearly states what we¡¯re getting from it, right?¡±


    Gero nodded, scanning the box. ¡°Yeah. It says our Villagers gain Specializations, and that we gain access to Base Upgrades as our Tribal Power rises.¡±


    ¡°Yep, I see the exact same thing.¡± He pointed to the next box, which in contrast to the previous step was almost entirely blacked out. ¡°How about this one?¡±


    ¡°Nothing, really. Just that it says Welcoming.¡±


    ¡°See, when I look at this box? A kind of wordless instinct sort of tells me that that is how we recruited Moots.¡± He waved his hand, removing the screen. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that¡¯s what Intelligence¡¯s primary effect is. It doesn¡¯t actually make you any smarter, it¡¯s more like an information shortcut.¡±


    ¡°Hrm. Sounds like if you got too used to it, a lot of Intelligence could actually make you stupider.¡±


    That¡¯s¡­huh. Yeah, that¡¯s a sobering thought. Shin hadn¡¯t considered it, but weren¡¯t the rewards of high Intelligence in fact just a byproduct of outsourcing one¡¯s brain power? The effects of high Physical Stats were obvious, but just as the rewards of high Mental Stats were more subtle, it seemed their costs might be more insidious as well. What hidden risks lurked behind a high Wisdom score? Or Presence, for that matter?


    Shin already had a rather impressive Presence. Maybe some more research was in order before he further committed to his current stat-allotment strategy.


    ¡°Anyways,¡± Shin continued, shaking off his momentary disquietude, ¡°It¡¯s how we improve our Tribe¡¯s classes. Welcoming Tribes can invite others to join, who might bring new classes. I think Reclusive Tribes get a big boost to the classes they already have, maybe.¡±


    Gero cocked an eyebrow, pulling her robe back on as she glanced back at the sleeping Moots. ¡°So thanks to being a Welcoming Tribe, we¡¯ve gained the amazing power of the Pig Farmer Class?¡±


    Shin raised a finger. ¡°First off, pigs are delicious.¡±


    ¡°True.¡±


    ¡°Second,¡± He popped up another finger, ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure Moots is actually a Villager. Remember how being Builders gives them Specializations? That¡¯s his. I¡¯m pretty sure Specialized Villagers give our base stronger and potentially unique bonuses.¡±


    ¡°So in short,¡± Gero tied her robe off at the waist, a bit of a sour look on her face, ¡°Literally none of our Tribal choices benefit smashing things.¡±


    Shin finished tying back his hair, offering the woman a sideways grin. ¡°We already have you, Gero. If we took other combat bonuses, it wouldn¡¯t be fair to the rest of the world.¡±


    His flattery was rewarded with a splash of water and a furious wagging of Gero¡¯s tail, so Shin decided to call it a draw. Despite her protestations, he was confident that Gero would appreciate the path their Tribe had started down. Either way, it certainly suited Shin. And after what he¡¯d seen from Moots¡¯ farm, he couldn''t wait to see how the rest of the place turned out.


    That eager anticipation died in Shin¡¯s chest as he turned back towards the hut to find Higen, coiled taut as he squatted beside the still-sleeping Moots. Shit but he could be quiet when he wanted to. The wild kobold held a flat stare on Shin, absently twirling the point of a knife against the wooden porch. He held the other kobold¡¯s gaze for a moment, then beckoned him forward with a terse flick of his fingers.


    Shin knew he¡¯d have to deal with Higen sooner or later, but he¡¯d absolutely hoped for later. No avoiding it now, though. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    He put a hand to Gero¡¯s arm, her whole body tense and her hackles beginning to rise. ¡°Let me try to handle this, Gero. Please?¡±


    The powerful kobold growled, her honey-colored eyes still locked on Higen. But then she folded her arms under her ample chest, motioning Shin forward with a flick of her head. Okay, she was willing to give him a shot. Good. Maybe. Trying to bash Higen over the head and then dumping him in a ditch would have been the simplest option, but there had to be another way. Right?


    All the same, Shin was certain to keep an eye out for any convenient nearby ditches.


    Higen¡¯s rough voice was quiet as Shin approached, but the way he pointed towards the other kobold with his knife couldn¡¯t be taken as anything other than accusatory. ¡°So this is what you slunk away for? To invite one of the monsters that terrorized us for generations to be part of our home?¡±


    Shin did his best to keep his voice level. ¡°No, we came here to thank him. Moots was the only reason we got our first few levels. And while I don¡¯t regret inviting him, it was an accident.¡±


    Higen spat. ¡°Oh, sure. Because you never come up with ridiculous plans for everything. Well good job, Shh. Maybe with a bit more of your incredible leadership, the whole Tribe can be made up of frail old humans with piles of mud.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not in charge, Higen,¡± Shin began, choosing to ignore the Wilder¡¯s continued refusal to use his actual name, ¡°Every decision we¡¯ve made was as a group.¡±


    ¡°Bull.¡±¨CHigen punctuated his words with a twirl of his blade ¨C¡±Shit.¡±


    The frown came to Shin¡¯s face unbidden. Boastful, bullying Hi-Hi had been bad enough, but petulantly menacing Higen was goddamned obnoxious. ¡°Okay. You¡¯ve got problems with the direction the Tribe is going in. I hear that.¡±


    Narrowing his eyes, the kobold jabbed his knife in Moots¡¯ direction. ¡°This is our Tribe. We killed his tribe for the right to exist. You should know that. Or have you already forgotten that the only reason you made it out alive is because of me?¡± He carefully began to test the point of his weapon with his thumb. ¡°I¡¯m starting to think that might have been a mistake.¡±


    Shin took a step forward, Higen tensely jumping to his feet in response. ¡°If you feel that strongly about the future of our Tribe, why don¡¯t you do something about it?¡±


    Higen shifted his grip on his knife. ¡°I¡¯m considering it.¡±


    God, he still had so much hatred. Was all of this a holdover from their days as mongrels? Or had Higen¡¯s newly advanced mind found some new aspect of his one-time rival to despise? ¡°Can I suggest a way of doing it that won¡¯t end with both of us dead?¡±


    The wild kobold held his readied stance for an unbearable moment, then released a hiss of air from between his clenched teeth. He didn¡¯t lower his knife, however. ¡°...Go on.¡±


    Shin turned and pointed toward the zone¡¯s exit, doing his best to ignore the itchy feeling Higen¡¯s eyes were boring into his back. ¡°You want our tribe to be for our people. Right? Well there are more of our people out there, and they need our help.¡±


    Higen seemed to consider that. ¡°There are more kobolds?¡±


    ¡°Not kobolds. Mongrels. Mongrels who are in the same position we were. Mongrels who could have a future, if someone was able to bring them from their zones to our village. And I think the best possible someone might be you.¡±


    Shin paused, but it didn¡¯t seem like Higen was going to respond. So he continued. ¡°I¡¯m guessing you have a suite of wilderness skills, right? Woodcraft, Survival¡­I know you¡¯ve got Stealth, at least. You¡¯re the only one of us with the skills necessary to even have a chance. It would be dangerous, but with every group you brought back you¡¯d be helping our Tribe and our people.¡±


    Another long bout of silence was Higen¡¯s response. Shin was still in the process of trying to come up with something else to say when the wild kobold warily replied. ¡°...You¡¯re just trying to get rid of me.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not children, Higen,¡± Shin scowled, done trying to massage the touchy Wilder¡¯s ego. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be around you any more than you want to be around me. But I still think we both have a lot to offer our Tribe. And if we don¡¯t have to be near each other in the meantime? All the better.¡±


    Higen considered that. And then, to Shin¡¯s deep relief, he sheathed his knife and eased out of his aggressive stance. ¡°Always fucking scheming. That¡¯s you, Shh. That¡¯s you straight down to the ground.¡±


    The Schemer¡¯s eyes flared. ¡°It¡¯s Shin. Don¡¯t get it wrong again.¡±


    ¡°Whatever. I¡¯ll do it.¡± He spat, hopping down from the porch. ¡°Can¡¯t guarantee I¡¯ll get many here, even if I find them. Especially since they need, what, five levels to even leave their zones? Probably no reason to even bother with the runts.¡±


    A voice like sugar sweet iron rang out. ¡°No, Higen. You will do your best to bring them all back. Especially the runts.¡±


    Higen stiffened as Momo stepped forward, slouching in sullen silence as the little cleric scolded him. If anyone had told Shin a week ago that he¡¯d be grateful for the authority Momo¡¯s presence afforded him, he might have laughed. He was deeply grateful that he was a wiser kobold now than he was then.


    Momo was the very picture of serene authority as she drew herself up besides Shin, towering over Higen despite being nearly a full head shorter. ¡°The smallest and weakest of ours are beloved by our Goddess, Higen. Remember that, and come back to us soon.¡±


    The Wilder¡¯s sharp eyes flitted towards Shin for a moment, and then he offered Momo the briefest of nods before darting towards the zone¡¯s exit. The Schemer let out the breath he hadn¡¯t realized he was holding; that was intense.


    Gero clearly agreed, shaking her head as she stepped forward. ¡°I was sure that was coming to blood.¡±


    Momo shook her head, hands still folded within her sleeves. ¡°Higen is certainly lacking in most finer qualities, but his heart is in¡­something sort of close to the right place.¡± He gave a regal little sniff. ¡°Also, he is quite afraid of me. He won¡¯t be a problem.¡±


    Gero grinned. ¡°You¡¯re a real badass, Momo, no question.¡±


    The cleric nodded proudly, then abruptly squealed in delight, once again the excitable little kobold her companions were more familiar with. ¡°Oh! Guys! You have to come with me, it¡¯s so great!¡±


    Shin and Gero shared a bemused look, the former speaking for both of them. ¡°What is?¡±


    Momo popped a hand to her hip, giving the pair a cheeky waggle of her eyebrows. ¡°Wanna come help me design God?¡±

 20. The Home Weve Never Always Had

    The last few weeks had been a series of unlikely opportunities for Shin, each less likely than the last. Gaining his first level. Beating a Player, Wearing clothes. Every single day brought some new and increasingly implausible achievement. But he¡¯d been relatively certain that no Unexpected First would ever be less likely than the pack¡¯s stunning takeover of the zone they called home.


    But now here was Momo, asking if Shin wanted to help create a God. Woof.


    ¡°We get to make our God?¡± Gero asked, understandably incredulous. ¡°Doesn¡¯t that seem backwards?¡±


    ¡°Well~, maybe a little?¡± Momo tapped a finger thoughtfully to her chin. ¡°Apparently almost all new Tribes already have a deity that¡¯s closely associated with them. Like, there are already a bunch of Gods set up for any new dwarf Tribes or whatever. But my Divinity Screen spent a long time searching and didn¡¯t find one for us.¡±


    There is a Divinity Screen and Shin didn¡¯t get to fiddle with it. That was so absurdly unfair that he almost missed the highly relevant information in Momo¡¯s response. ¡°So that means there really must not be any other kobold Tribes out there.¡±


    Momo shrugged. ¡°Probably not. At least, there aren¡¯t any with clerics. Oh!¡± A thought struck her. ¡°Um, the Divinity Screen offered to fold us in with the Beastfolk God? But I said no. They worship Grabgnashgulp the God of Meat, and he¡¯s super gross.¡±


    ¡°The God of Meat?¡± Gero seemed intrigued. ¡°I mean, I like meat.¡±


    ¡°No no, it¡¯s like this whole thing.¡± Momo explained, trying to decide how best to put it. ¡°It¡¯s sort of like how we used to be all about being Big, and how anything Big was Good? The Meat God says anything that¡¯s weaker than you is Meat, and if something is Meat you have to try and eat it..¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Gero seemed less intrigued. ¡°Right, probably a good call then.¡±


    ¡°Besides, making our own is more fun, right?¡± Momo clapped her hands together, her big eyes sparkling. ¡°Basically no one gets to do that anymore; the Divinity Screen almost seemed surprised it was being accessed.¡±


    Again: Shin was still incredibly jealous. But this was becoming too fascinating to sulk. ¡°The Screen seemed surprised? Was it just a feeling you got? Or what do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Like, the actual words on the Screen were all like ¡®Whoa, I¡¯m super rusty at this!¡¯¡± Momo wobbled her arms in what was apparently an impression of the System Prompt. ¡°Usually everything is done in a sorta professional tone, but not this time.¡±


    That sounded a lot like Shin¡¯s snarky Description entry. He¡¯d always seen the System that governed the world as just another foundational aspect of existence, like the weather or dying or dreaming. But it seemed increasingly likely that the forces Shin thought of as the ¡®System¡¯ were significantly less impartial than the other primordial laws governing his world.


    Pondering imponderables could wait, however. It was God Making Time. ¡°So how do we start?¡±


    ¡°Oh, well we can¡¯t do it here.¡± Momo began to turn away. ¡°We gotta go to the shrine first.¡±


    ¡°Right the shrine, that makes sense.¡± Shin moved to follow, then balked. ¡°Wait, what shrine?¡±


    ¡°You mean you didn¡¯t notice?¡± Momo tilted her head. ¡°The zone finished patching!¡±


    Oh shit it had?! Shin and Gero had been so distracted by pig feeding and not getting stabbed by Higen that they¡¯d completely missed what was going on all around them. So did that mean that¨C?


    Shin spun towards the exit and, sure enough, the river that had previously vanished coquettishly on the other side of the barrier now rushed into their little ol¡¯ zone. It pushed mightily onward, cutting through what was one boring scrub forest and now seemed to be cultivated farmland as the river raced towards¡­


    Hm.


    ¡°Hey, Momo?


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Is the Maybe Blob still there?¡±


    The little cleric shook her head. ¡°No, it¡¯s a big lake now.¡±


    ¡°Right. Hrm.¡± Shin considered this news for a moment. ¡°Right. Well, we might need to make a quick side trip, then.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because I think we probably drowned Ceril.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Whoops?¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    It took the original kobold trio longer than expected to reach the far eastern side of the zone, in no small part because it was actually larger now. Where previously one could casually stroll from the start of the single path all the way to the outpost in twenty, twenty five minutes tops, the same trip would now take easily three times as long.


    The fact that their transformed zone was absolutely fascinating didn¡¯t help either.


    With most of the woods cleared away, the fate of the former outpost could be clearly seen even from a distance. What had once been a fortified camp had been replaced by a single structure, rather like a multistoried watchtower writ large built from reinforced concrete. From that vantage point, a single guard could nearly keep a complete watch over the entire zone.


    A small village square had been built within the comforting shadow of the watchtower, though without getting a closer inspection Shin couldn¡¯t hazard a guess as to their purpose. It did seem like quite a lot of village for just twelve kobolds, though. Especially considering the dedicated farmland that stretched out beyond the village proper. Multiple small farms dotted the landscape, with immaculately tended fields.


    More than anything else, it was the farms that tested Shin¡¯s resolve. Some cunning kobold had cut trenches out from the river to actually flood a field of crops, lush bunches of rice growing straight out of the water. And fish were swimming around in them. There were fish in the crops and Shin had to know why there were fish in the crops.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    He needed to know only slightly less than he was interested in saving someone from drowning.


    By the time they reached the lake, massive and crystal blue, it seemed that some helpful kobolds had already plucked the incredibly fortunate Ceril out of its waters. The Oaken Elf sputtered on the shore, his arms still bound to his side but still very much alive and breathing.


    Blah. So Shin could have stopped to ask questions about fish. He had so many questions about fish. Friggin¡¯ elves.


    Shita perked up as she noticed the approaching trio, snatching off her straw hat to wave them over. ¡°Oh hey! Gosh, I guess we forgot about, uh¡­¡± She trailed off, glancing down at the soaked elf. ¡°Who were you again?¡±


    The waterlogged ranger coughed out a bit more water, managing a weak reply. ¡°Ceril¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh right!¡± Shita shrugged. ¡°Yeah, he was just lucky that Koda and I were passing by. We fished him right out!¡±


    The large kobold who¡¯d been kneeling beside Ceril rose at that, brushing the dust from his thick apron. ¡°He¡¯s a good swimmer,¡± Koda offered in a deep bass, folding his muscle-bound arms across his barrel chest, ¡°But being tied up makes it difficult. Either way, he¡¯s alright now.¡±


    Shin nodded absently at that, glancing over Koda. ¡°Right, good. Say, maybe this is a weird question? But,¡±¡ªHe gestured towards the powerful villager¡ª¡±Who are you?¡±


    Shita and Koda shared a look, and then the woman offered Shin a bemused look. ¡°Really?¡± She wrapped an arm around his sturdy waist. ¡°He¡¯s my husband?¡±


    Gero tilted her head, completely baffled. ¡°Uh? Since when?¡±


    ¡°Years?¡± Koda paused, clearly making a decision to expound. ¡°Well, and also around five minutes. I just popped. But we¡¯ve also been married for years. We grew up in this village.¡±


    Shita cut in. ¡°Even though we totally didn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Yes, even though we totally didn¡¯t.¡± Somehow, Koda¡¯s rumblingly low voice made even the most absurd statement seem completely sincere. ¡°It¡¯s very confusing. But that¡¯s fine.¡±


    Okay, this shit was wild. Because Shin realized that yes, he did know who this was. Koda was Old Waru¡¯s apprentice, and Shita was the blacksmith¡¯s daughter. They¡¯d run his old smithy for years now. That made no sense, right? Forget the fact that Koda had only really been around for five minutes; Shin hadn¡¯t even been around for a single year, let alone years. But now he not only had a complete memory of and relationship with a five-minute old kobold, he also had totally functional memories of a dead villager who had never and would never exist.


    Shin glanced helplessly back over his shoulder at Gero and Momo, but the former only offered a helpless shrug and the latter was growing increasingly impatient to keep moving. So what else could he say? ¡°Alright, um. Cool?¡± He offered the Koda his hand. ¡°Nice to meet slash continue to have known you for my whole life?¡±


    ¡°Likewise.¡± The burly blacksmith gripped Shin¡¯s hand, then jerked his head towards Ceril. ¡°What should we do with him?¡±


    ¡°Well don¡¯t let him loose yet. Take him to¡­¡± Shin started to tilt his head, then shook his head. ¡°Whatever, my place? I have a place, probably?¡± When Koda nodded, Shin let out a breath of relief. ¡°Okay right. Good. Take him to my place. And then, um, come find me and tell me where my place is.¡±


    Koda nodded, leaning over to effortless hoist Ceril over his shoulder like a vaguely-elf shaped sack of flour. As he started off towards the village center, Shita hissed to Gero in a stage whisper. ¡°Isn¡¯t he great?¡±


    The woman was too dazed to give anything besides an honest answer. ¡°Too many muscles.¡±


    Shita offered a teasing roll of her eyes in response. ¡°Tsk, I should have known better than to ask. You''re only into pretty boys.¡±


    Gero flushed red at that, mumbling something aggressively inaudible. But whatever it was would never be known, because Momo had resolved to physically pushing her companions towards their destination. Come hell or high water, she was going to make certain this God was made.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The shrine to the as-of-yet Unidentified God was off a winding pass beyond the village proper, perched near the crystal waters of the Maybe Lake and nestled within a significantly more idyllic woods than had previously existed in the zone. Momo bound gleefully through the shrine¡¯s simple gate, excitedly beckoning her friends onward. ¡°Come on, come one! I¡¯ve been waiting for so long!¡±


    Gero craned her head as she took in the simple beauty of the shrine, still struggling to grasp the enormity of the changes their home had gone through. ¡°This is¡­yeah, this is nice.¡± She offered Shin a curious glance, her ears tilted questioningly. ¡°If Momo got a shrine, do you think I got someplace, too?¡±


    Shin nodded absently, watching the cleric pull several long sticks of incense out of a centrally placed urn. ¡°Absolutely. A barracks? Some sort of order hall?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, maybe.¡± Gero¡¯s mouth quirked as she cocked an eyebrow at Shin. ¡°And you probably got, what? A room filled with tiny men you can move around on a board?¡±


    ¡°First off,¡± Shin raised a finger, ¡°You know I¡¯d love that.¡±


    Gero¡¯s grin widened. ¡°Duh.¡±


    ¡°But second, I sort of hope not?¡± Gero¡¯s honey-colored eyes urged further elaboration, so he complied. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ve got a room somewhere, or whatever. But Momo¡¯s the religious center of the village, and you¡¯re its guardian. Day-to-day, Shinki Itten Village doesn¡¯t need someone Scheming.¡±


    Gero¡¯s smile softened. ¡°Aw, Shin, that¡¯s not¨C¡±


    He waved her off. ¡°Don¡¯t get me wrong, I¡¯m not sad about that. Isn¡¯t it actually exciting?¡± Shin threw his arms out, his face alight as he gestured back towards the village. ¡°There are so many things I could do, and I want to do all of them. I could go help Koda and Shita! Do we have a scribe? I want to know everything that person does! Maybe I could go and help work the fields, too!¡±


    Gero scoffed, but her smile remained light and airy. ¡°What you mean is that you¡¯re immediately going to go and ask those poor farmers a thousand questions about fish.¡±


    ¡°I have so many questions about fish, you wouldn¡¯t even¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh my Still Unnamed God, will you two please get over here?!¡¯ Momo huffed in supreme annoyance from her spot at the shrine¡¯s entrance, the urn already aglow with a half dozen sticks of lit incense. ¡°I¡¯m seriously this close to having you both dumped in the lake.¡±


    Well, how could they argue with that? The two kobolds moved to join the cleric, stepping into a rich haze of incense to stand at her side. The powerfully woody-floral scent filled Shin¡¯s lungs, a faint buzz pulling at the corner of his mind as he felt his awareness of the world being gently realigned and adjusted.


    Momo spread her arms wide, the little kobold appearing for all the world like the religious icon she very much was as she spoke in her sweetly powerful voice. ¡°This is a sacred ritual, one that will be witnessed only by a chosen few and then never again.¡± She reached out, her fingers lightly tracing down Shin and Gero¡¯s cheeks. ¡°Few ever truly sense the Divine. Fewer still ever glimpse It. And almost none have ever grasped It in their very hands, birthing the shape It will and always has held.¡± She tilted her head, her mahogany eyes intense with power. ¡°Are you prepared to join their ranks?¡±


    The two kobolds could only manage a dazed nod, and so Momo gave a serene smile and bowed her head. ¡°Then let us begin.¡±


    Immediately, a brightly peppy tune began to play:


    ¡°When you need to place your fealty,


    But you just can¡¯t rely on spontaneity,


    Don¡¯t settle for homogeneity!


    Trust the Best: Just use Design-a-Deity(?)


    [Design-a-Deity(?) is a registered trademark of Mundi Co LLC all rights reserved]

 21. Design-A-Deity(?)

    Considering the mind-bending experience that accessing the Tribal Decision Tree was, it hardly surprised Shin that the System¡¯s method of building a God was also a mystical affair. The effect this time was significantly subtler, slow and surreptitious as the burning incense put out more richly scented smoke than should have been possible. The scintillating vapor eddied and swirled throughout the shrine, the kobolds¡¯ surroundings fading to a muted gray as the caress of smokey tendrils brought the mundane world around them to a halt.


    Shin held his breath as he and his two companions stood in their paused world, unwilling to speak lest he interrupt whatever quiet mystery would soon reveal itself. He waited, and waited, and before long had to stop holding his breath. Because nothing was happening, and he needed air to live.


    Screw it, he¡¯d risk interrupting whatever quiet mystery was taking its sweet time. ¡°Uh, Momo?¡± The little cleric cracked open a quizzical eye, peering his way. ¡°What¡¯s supposed to be happening?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± She opened her other eye, chewing thoughtfully on her lip. ¡°Um¡­I dunno? There isn¡¯t a prompt like there usually is.¡±


    ¡°Maybe this works differently?¡± Gero offered, not sounding particularly sure of herself. ¡°Like, we have to pray? Or something?¡±


    ¡°I mean, I kinda can do that?¡± Momo closed her eyes again, frowning in concentration. ¡°If I focus really hard I think I can sort of¡­put my feelings out there? And, like, I think they get interpreted?¡± She huffed, puffing out her cheeks in annoyance. ¡°I wish there were screens like with all the other stuff. I don¡¯t want to pick the wrong God by mistake!¡±


    As if summoned by the cleric¡¯s complaint, a bright little chime rang out from the urn of incense. It warbled out a merry little tune, completely incongruous with the ethereal calm of the Paused World. And then a truly awful little creature snapped into being right before their eyes.


    ¡°Greetings! ¡± The ungodly creature sing-sang, its entire body little more than a crude depiction of a lightning bolt with giant googly eyes, ¡°I''m Divine Bolty! It looks like you¡¯re creating a Deity!¡± It wobbled around in what seemed like a horrible attempt at a sassy little dance. ¡°Would you like help?¡±


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Get help creating your God</li>


    </ul>


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Just invoke the Godhead without help</li>


    </ul>


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Don¡¯t show me this tip again</li>


    </ul>


    Before Shin could reflexively shout ¡®No¡¯, and perhaps attempt to banish the hideous thing back to the pit that birthed it, Momo perked up. ¡°Oh, um, yes please!¡±


    The nightmare mascot wobbled its dance again, then bent over in what might have been a little bow or might have been a death threat. ¡°Here are a few sample Gods based on the most popular choices!¡±


    <ul>


    <li>The Scent of Everything: All-Knowing, Secrets, Converts, Cunning</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Sunhowl, the Sky Alpha: All-Mighty, The Sun, Unwavering, Proud</li>


    <li>Pack-In-One: All-Present, Unity, Longevity, Loyal</li>


    </ul>


    Gero tilted her head, eyebrows raised as she stared at the proffered supreme beings. ¡°Well, the second one sounds impressive? Maybe?¡±


    Shin cut in, doing his best to address Divine Bolty without having to look directly at it. ¡°Wait, how can we pick without having any idea what those traits mean?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, and besides!¡± Momo interjected, her brow furrowed. ¡°I don¡¯t like the sound of any of those Gods. They seem weird.¡±


    Divine Bolty processed that. ¡°What sort of God would you like to create?¡±


    Momo responded immediately. ¡°A nice one!¡±


    ¡°...Would you like to be taken to the Advanced Customization Options?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± Momo glanced towards Gero and Shin, who shrugged and nodded respectively. ¡°Yes?¡±


    The terrible creature managed a sort of disgustingly pathetic gesture with the zig-zag that was apparently its arm, indicating the screen that zipped up beside him. ¡°Start by picking one FIve-Point Purview for your Deity to Be-ity!¡±


    Okay, ignoring that calamity of a joke, this screen seemed to be the big haymaker options. They were entirely All-Somethings: All-Seeing, All-Shielding, All-Devouring, so on and so forth. Basically these ¡®purviews¡¯ seemed to be huge boosts to the God¡¯s personal power, as well as the sort of boons they could grant. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    And at the same time, they brought some serious drawbacks. A Five-Point Purview came bundled with three Divine Mandates, ranging from Daily Prayer to Priestly Authority to Ritual Sacrifice.


    ¡°Is that really worth it?¡± Gero made a sour face as she scanned the screen. ¡°We were pretty strong already without a God. So what, we can get a bit stronger in exchange for a bunch of crazy requirements?


    Divine Bolty danced unhelpfully. ¡°You could always skip choosing a Five-Point Purview to free up more points for smaller Purviews instead!¡±


    Now Shin was getting interested. So interested he was even willing to look directly at Divine Bolty. ¡°Wait, how many points do we get in total?¡±


    The wretched thing wobbled ¡°Ten!¡±


    ¡°And how many tiers are there?¡±


    ¡°FIve-Point, Three-Point and Two-Point!¡± The creature gestured again, several more screens popping up. ¡°Feel free to mix and match!¡±


    Gero leaned forward, glancing over the new lists. ¡°Even the smaller ones have drawbacks. Gods are friggin¡¯ needy.¡±


    Shin agreed. What made it worse was that the drawbacks were assigned randomly, so there didn¡¯t seem to be an obvious way to game it. He still had a few questions, but no obvious strategy had presented itself. ¡°Well, what if we don¡¯t use all of our points?¡±


    ¡°Unused points will boost the strength of your chosen Purviews!¡± Divine Bolty hunched forward and laboriously winked, and it was everything Shin had not to vomit. ¡°Boosting a Five-Point Purview with five unused points is a popular strategy!¡±


    Uh-huh. ¡°Does that boost the severity of the associated Mandate as well?¡±


    Divine Bolty winked again, and this time Shin did throw up a little bit. ¡°Yes!¡±


    ¡°Well wait, what about these?¡± Momo pointed towards a fourth prompt, as of yet unremarked upon by the hideous apparition. ¡°These don¡¯t have any drawbacks?¡±


    ¡°Those are Zero-Point Purviews! They are fun flavor choices that help define your Deity¡¯s personality, though they only grant small or cosmetic boosts. Aren¡¯t they fun?¡±


    ¡°This is the one I wanted, though!¡± Momo reached out and tapped the screen. ¡°There!¡±


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">UNDEFINED GOD: Kind</li>


    </ul>


    Hm. ¡®Kind¡¯ gave any devotee in the presence of their god¡¯s iconography a faint sense of wellness. That certainly sounded pleasant, and it didn¡¯t come with any drawbacks either. Divine Bolty wobbled around in what was either delight or existential dread. ¡°Please make your remaining choices!¡±


    Momo fiddled with her tail, offering the other kobolds a sheeping shrug. ¡°I don¡¯t really care about anything else? What do you guys¨C¡±


    FINALIZE UNDEFINED GOD?


    ¡°Oh, whoops!¡± Momo quickly shook her head, raising a hand to banish the pop-up. ¡°We still need to¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡±


    Momo paused mid reach, her ears perking with curiosity as Shin inspected the unnamed God and its paltry single trait. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Look at the trait.¡±


    ¡°It says¡­oh!¡± Momo raised her eyebrows. ¡°Any devotee in the presence of the god¡¯s icons will slowly heal over time? That¡¯s so much better!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s from the boost that thing mentioned.¡± Gero gestured towards Divine Bolty, the flying freak wobbling up a storm. ¡°We didn¡¯t pick anything else, so the trait got a ten-strength power up.¡±


    Shin surged forward, his eyes unflinchingly locked on the horror that was the sentient lightning bolt. ¡°How many Zero-Point Purviews can we pick!¡±


    ¡°You have ten points to spend!¡±


    ¡°Yes, and zero goes into ten how many times?¡±


    Divine Bolty didn¡¯t seem to want to answer, dancing harder than it had ever danced before by way of a response. It didn¡¯t have anything to say as the kobolds began to pick every Zero-Point Purview that sounded fitting either, other than wobbling so fiercely that it seemed as if its googly eyes might pop out.


    When Momo finally hit confirm on a God that had a few dozen Purviews, no drawbacks and ten unspent points, the thing finally deigned to speak. ¡°Fuck you you stupid pieces of shit, you don¡¯t even exist so fuck all your shit I¡¯m leaving.¡±


    Shin clapped a hand to Momo¡¯s shoulder, Gero joining them as the Paused World began to hum back to life. ¡°Did you get everything you wanted, Momo?¡±


    The little cleric nodded proudly as she beamed up at the fading prompt. ¡°Definitely.¡±


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tasan Okaa, the Great Mother: Kind+++, Brave+++, Wise+++, Caring+++, Nurturing+++, Protective+++, Friendly+++, Inviting+++, Curious+++, Clever+++, Courageous+++, Principled+++, Loyal+++, Peaceful+++, Generous+++, Adventurous+++, Patient+++, Joyful+++, Productive+++, Daring+++, Giving+++, Open-Minded+++, Resilient+++, Comforting+++</li>


    </ul>


    Well, Divine Bolty was going to feature heavily in all of Shin''s nightmares for the rest of his life, but they seem to have finagled an optimized deity out of the exchange. Tasan Okaa, huh? Fair deal.

 22. The Less-Than-Invited Guest

    Spiritual matters are complex. Questions about life and what lies above or beyond it are as old as the concept of questions itself. And even with the strange trappings the System saw fit to paste onto the process, having a hand in shaping the very stuff of the Divine could only serve to further complicate those questions.


    Shin experienced that first hand. But no matter how byzantine the Great Mysteries of Life became, he knew that he must needs seek out their answers all the same. And he knew precisely where to start.


    ¡°So the fish keep the plants healthy, and the plants give the fish shelter?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right!¡± Dyu pulled up another handful of weeds, stuffing them into his compost basket. ¡°Everyone works together, right?¡±


    ¡°That is so great and I love it .¡± Shin added his bunch of weeds to the farmer¡¯s bushel, taking a moment to stretch out his back. Yesterday, he and Dyu had been fighting for their lives alongside all the other kobolds. And here they were today, wading peacefully through the waters of their own village¡¯s rice paddies to nurture the food that would feed their growing family.


    Did Shin say that the questions of life were increasingly complicated? Because sometimes they really, really weren¡¯t.


    Shin extended his arms above his head, enjoying the warmth of the slowly setting sun as it cascaded down on his bare torso. ¡°Are you headed home soon, Dyu?¡±


    The farmer nodded, his large ears waggling as he beamed at Shin. ¡°Yes, I got done so much faster thanks to you!¡±


    ¡°Oh stop,¡± Shin waved his hand in good-natured dismissal. ¡°I absolutely slowed you down. WIthout my endless questions, and you needing to show me the ropes? I¡¯m certain you¡¯d have been able to bury the whole village in rice.¡±


    Dyu puffed up at Shin¡¯s praise, seeming as if he might explode from sheer pride as he stammered out a reply. ¡°Y-you¡¯re far too kind¡­¡±


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± Shin plopped down on dry land, giving his feet a good shake before beginning to roll the legs of his breeches back down. ¡°So when should I come by tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°Tomorrow?¡± Dyu tilted his head. ¡°What¡¯s happening tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°I mean, when should I come to help out tomorrow? Sunrise? Earlier?¡±


    The farmer¡¯s ears shot up at that, his tail going ramrod straight as he quickly waved his hands. ¡°Oh no! No, no, I couldn¡¯t! I wouldn¡¯t! How could I ask you to do that?¡±


    Shin did his best to keep his expression pleasant and breezy as he shrugged his robe back on. Not this again. ¡°I really don¡¯t mind. You¡¯d be doing me a favor. Really!¡±


    Dyu¡¯s ears flattened as he resolutely shook his head. ¡°You have much more important things to do than wade around in the muck for me all day!¡±


    This time, Shin couldn¡¯t hold back his sigh. ¡°I really don¡¯t.¡±


    But there was clearly no way around the matter. Dyu¡¯s heart was set. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me, Shin. I¡¯ll do my part; I¡¯m gonna work twice as hard now!¡±


    This was not the first time Shin had heard this same refrain. During his post god-crafting tour of the new-and-familiar Shinki Itten Village, the kobold had made extended visits to the carpenter, two farms and the little family that tended the village¡¯s large flock of silky-feathered chickens. And each visit followed the same pattern: pleasant greetings at his arrival, sincere helpfulness at his questions, deep admiration when he offered to help, and then shocked, almost shamed refusal when he suggested he might come back to help on a more regular basis.


    There were over fifty kobolds living in the village now. And Shin was apparently the only one who didn¡¯t have a damn job.


    Shin indulged in another sigh as he stared down at the water, attempting to salve his bruised pride as he watched the fish dart around in a riot of orange, white and black. Ooo, and a little blue, too? Okay, well, Shin knew he was essentially a layabout and absolutely not carrying his share of the village weight, but at least he could get all of his fish questions answered right away. ¡°Why are they so many different colors?¡±


    Dyu scratched his head, considering that. ¡°Um, I don¡¯t know!¡±


    Rats. Oh well, next question. ¡°Can you tell which ones are male and which ones are female?¡± The farmer nodded. ¡°Can I have some?¡±


    One careful walk later, and Shin had gently transplanted his pair of colorful fish into one of the small ponds framing either side of the watchtower. There, he had a hobby. He was going to breed fish, and thereby figure out how their colors worked. He crouched down, watching the aquatic marvels explore their new home as his imagination raced. Maybe he could even cultivate new and wilder patterns of color! He¡¯d need to make charts, and take careful notes, so just as soon as these two hurried up and¡­


    Shin abruptly realized that he was nearly face-down in a pond, silently yet intensely urging a pair of fish to screw. Okay, it was time to call it for today. Maybe tomorrow he could come back and find, if not new fish, a shred of his lost dignity in that pool. At least no one had seen him debasing himself.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    Right. Great. Of course. Shin didn¡¯t even bother to stand up, simply staring into his own reflection in an endless feedback loop of shame. ¡°I¡¯m pondering.¡±


    ¡°Pondering what?¡±


    ¡°The fish.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    Shin simply opened his mouth and hoped this villager would eventually realize he was a silly man, and that unlike him they had an actual function to fulfill. ¡°Yes. They¡¯re enjoying themselves.¡±


    The sound of light scratching reached Shin¡¯s ears. ¡°Really? But you¡¯re not a fish, so how could you know?¡±


    Whatever. ¡°And you aren¡¯t me, so how could you know what I know?¡±


    In Shin¡¯s estimation, the proper response to that particular bon mot would have been an annoyed scoff. Or perhaps the listener shoving him into the pond. Instead, his observer gasped in impressed understanding and the scratching sounds quickened. Suddenly irritated, Shin pushed himself back up to his feet and turned around to frown at the peppy little kobold who was busily taking down notation in an oversized tome. ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Recording your insights!¡± the little kobold replied, his tail wagging with excitement. ¡°Such a thoughtful meditation on the Self! On empathy, on otherness!¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡± Shin grumpily fiddled with the belt of his robe. ¡°Why are you doing that, though.¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s my job! Hello~!¡± The chipper kobold waggled a hand, eagerly drying the ink used to eternalize Shin¡¯s banalities. ¡°I¡¯m Mimasu, but please call me Mimi! I¡¯m a Scribe, and while it¡¯s my duty to assist you in your day-to-day needs, it is my honor to document your wisdom for the benefit of future generations!¡±


    Okay fantastic. So not only did Shin not have a job, he also had someone to assist him in not doing a job. That¡¯s swell.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    Apparently satisfied that the ink had dried, Mimi clapped his book shut. ¡°I had wanted to say, sir, that your guest is making a bit of a fuss. Should I tell him to keep waiting?¡±


    Guest? What was¡­oh. Oh, right. In his eagerness to collect eggs and pull weeds and ask fish questions, Shin had entirely forgotten about their guest. Well, now was a good a time as any to deal with that. ¡°I¡¯ll go talk to him now.¡±


    Mimi gave a cheerful little bow and turned on his heels, leading Shin into the watchtower itself. The first floor seemed to be a common area, a place for communal gatherings and general use. The next three floors were used for storage, increasingly well-stocked by the village¡¯s productive farms. But the entire fourth floor, it seemed, was for the use of just one kobold: Shin himself.


    Goddess, this was too much. All this space, just for one kobold? At least it was decorated in a rather spartan style; Shin had half expected full-sized portraits of himself or something. Instead there was a central low-set table and some cushions for sitting, some sort of office space tucked into one corner and a larger cushion for a bed set at the opposite end of the room. The only decorations were a few pots holding plom blossoms and a little artificial pond in the back. All in all, he had to admit that his living quarters were on the tasteful side of austere.


    He still didn¡¯t know if he wanted them. Even without considering the tied-up elf pitching a fit in the middle of the room.


    ¡°¡ªDEMAND that someone FINALLY set me FUCKING FREE and bwah!!¡± Ceril squawked as his rant was interrupted by a firm smack to the back of his head. He glared sullenly at Shin as the kobold casually sat down beside him. ¡°More abuse, is it? I¡¯m not surprised. Torture me all you want, I¡¯ll never¡ª¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you hungry?¡± Shin interrupted the yammering elf, nodding towards the untouched bowl of rice and pork belly sitting placed before him on the table. ¡°Or do Oaken Elves only eat bark or something?¡±


    Ceril glowered. ¡°I¡¯m tied up. You know I¡¯m tied up. You¡¯re the one who tied me up.¡±


    ¡°Mm. Well, your food¡¯s cold now.¡± Shin slid the bowl towards himself, picking up the pair of sticks that had been left out for utensils. ¡°Mimi?¡±


    The scribe popped up at Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Yes sir?¡±


    ¡°Bring our guest some more food. Check to see if we have any bark.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir!¡±


    Shin clacked his chopsticks together, then sampled a mouthful of the rice and pork. Cold, but still delicious. ¡°You¡¯re missing out, Ceril. Maybe it¡¯s time to put the bark to rest.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t eat bark,¡± the elf snarled, ¡°And it¡¯s Lord Ceril.¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± Shin considered that, slowly chewing another mouthful. ¡°I guess I¡¯m Lord Shin, then.¡±


    Ceril pursed his lips, then leaned forward. ¡°Well fine if you must know, I¡¯m actually PRINCE Ceril, Twelfth Son of King Glandem."


    Shin cocked an eyebrow. ¡°Okay. I¡¯m Double King Shin. How long do you want to play this game? It¡¯s fun; I think I¡¯m good at it.¡±


    ¡°Except I really am a Prince.¡± Ceril drew himself up, attempting to look as regal as one can possibly look while tied up. Which, it turns out, was not very. ¡°What do you think my father the king will do when it¡¯s time for your punishment?!¡±


    ¡°Oh right, because that¡¯s something that¡¯s going to happen.¡± Shin politely waited until he¡¯d finished his next bite before continuing on. ¡°Because his twelfth son was so important that he was shoved out to the ass-end of the kingdom.¡± Chew, chew. ¡°Where he was the weakest within a band of weaklings.¡± Chew, chew. ¡°Weaklings who were decimated by us.¡± Chew, chew. ¡°By former mongrels.¡±


    Chew, chew.


    Ceril didn¡¯t seem interested in talking much after that, so Shin enjoyed the rest of his own dinner in peace. Before too long, Mimi reemerged with a steaming hot new bowl of food. ¡°Terribly sorry, but we¡¯re fresh out of bark. Should I throw this away?¡±


    ¡°Oh, let¡¯s just leave it here and see if Prince Ceril doesn¡¯t feel up to broadening his pallet a smidge.¡± Shin scooted over, the elf reflexively flinching away. One quick tug on the knots that bound him, however, and the ropes fell away. Ceril gasped in spite of himself, rubbing at his sore arms as Shin smiled. ¡°There. Better?¡±


    The elf managed a sniff in response. ¡°Hardly. I¡¯m still¡­¡± He trailed off, his display of princely arrogance inadvertently filling his nostrils with the heavenly scent of roast pork. An astonishingly deep grumble echoed out from the elven royal¡¯s belly, the prince flushing in embarrassed irritation. ¡°No. I¡¯m not better. So there.¡±


    ¡°Then eat already.¡± Shin extended a fresh pair of eating sticks. ¡°If you can¡¯t feel better, you might as well feel full.¡±


    Mimasu immediately began writing that down as Ceril eyed the proffered utensils in distrust. Then his stomach epically growled again, and he snatched them up without another thought.


    The elf¡¯s eyes crossed as he attempted to bend the chopsticks to his will, tongue sticking out in concentration as he shakily did his best to shovel food from the bowl to his mouth. His continued failure caused him to at first redouble his efforts, but after a solid three minutes of slopping food all over Shin¡¯s nice table he eventually resorted to simply shoving the bowl directly up to his mouth.


    Shin held himself to a slight smile at the sight of the haughty elf gobbling rice like a pig at a trough. ¡°Very civilized, Prince Ceril.¡±


    Ceril glared from around his bowl, but was unwilling to use his mouth for anything besides devouring pork at the moment. When the bowl was emptied, he wiped his face off on his sleeve and aimed for a proud bearing. ¡°Don¡¯t lecture me about civilized, you¡ª¡± He trailed off, squinting his eyes at Shin. A moment later, he huffed. ¡°Well. Fine, whatever. I guess you aren¡¯t a Monster anymore.¡±


    ¡°Kind of you to notice.¡±


    ¡°Well since you¡¯re slightly less of a beast now, are you finally letting me go?¡±


    ¡°What? No.¡± Shin rapped his fingers thoughtfully across the table. ¡°We¡¯re not particularly interested in a war right now. So you can either stay here as our guest, or I can bury you out by the pig farm. Two options, both good.¡±


    Ceril raised his eyebrows, somehow looking genuinely surprised. ¡°Really? But¡­I told you I¡¯m a Prince.¡±


    ¡°Even more reason not to let you go, then.¡±


    ¡°I knew it; you are still beasts.¡± Ceril scowled as he raised his empty bowl, taking a second to lick out any lingering juices. Then, a thought struck. ¡°What if I promise not to tell them about all your murders and my kidnapping?¡±


    Shin made a show of considering it. ¡°You know, that does sound pretty good? Only, there¡¯s this new thing I¡¯ve heard about called ¡®Lying¡¯, and I¡¯m a little worried you might be using it.¡±


    Ceril made a complicated gesture in front of his chest. ¡°I swear by the Seven Oaks and the Ninety Branches and the Ten Thousand-¡ª¡±


    ¡°Yyyeah, about all that.¡± Shin shrugged airily. ¡°The fact that you have some complicated phrase to prove that you¡¯re really super duper not lying does not lessen my suspicion that you might be a liar. So sorry.¡±


    ¡°Well screw you then,¡± Ceril huffed, dropping his bowl with a clatter. ¡°Civilized, humph! You¡¯re not even close to the MAJESTY of the Oaken Elves!¡± Ceril sniffed again. ¡°I mean, a Level One Tribe? Please. Your little arrangement of huts isn¡¯t even a Sanctuary!¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears perked up. ¡°Oh? What¡¯s a Sanctuary?¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t know? Pssh, of course you don¡¯t. The cities of real Sides are all Sanctuaries. Of course Quercus, my ancestral home, is one as well. Players can¡¯t indiscriminately attack the citizens of a Sanctuary. Here though?¡± Ceril¡¯s eyes flashed. ¡°They could do anything they wanted here. It will happen.¡±


    Shin frowned without realizing it, his mind drifting back to Leathers and his promise to return. They should still have time before then though, right? Time enough to find out more about becoming a Sanctuary, maybe. It seemed as if Ceril was already proving his usefulness as a guest, unwilling as that use might be.


    ¡°I¡¯m sure it will happen, some day.¡± Shin carefully plucked a grain of rice off of the table, smearing it between his thumb and middle finger. ¡°But I¡¯ll worry about today¡¯s rains before worrying about tomorrow¡¯s thunder.¡±


    Mimi had begun writing that down when the girl appeared at the table beside Shin and Prince Ceril. She looked like a kobold, smelled like a kobold, and very much was not a kobold.


    ¡°Omigod!¡± the Player squealed, ¡°This is so cool~!¡±

 23. The Pitfalls of Procedural Content

    The Player shot to her feet before Shin or the equally stunned Ceril could comment on her unexpected appearance, bounding over towards the sleeping quarters and snatching a mirror off of the bed stand. ¡°Aw dang it,¡± she pouted, tilting up her chin as she gave her face a critical inspection. ¡°Crap.¡±


    For better or worse, something compelled Shin to speak. ¡°What¡¯s, uh, wrong?¡±


    ¡°Oh! Um, quick OOC,¡± She crossed her fingers, holding them out like some sort of ward or signal as she continued investigating her visage. ¡°Sorry, you can¡¯t ever see all the angles in the Character Creator. I gotta fix this; BRB!¡±


    Without further explanation she dropped the mirror back on the table, her jaw falling slack and her eyes rolling back in their sockets as she limply wobbled in place. Shin watched in fascination as her shape and features began to shift and morph, subtle changes playing across every aspect of the Player¡¯s newly formed body.


    Shin¡¯s captivated spectating was interrupted by Ceril, the Oaken Elf brazenly grabbing his captor by the lapel of his robe. ¡°Players can spawn here?! I thought this was a Lowbie Zone, not a Starting Zone!¡±


    ¡°Let go of me.¡± Shin batted Ceril¡¯s hand away, giving the agitated prince a flat look. ¡°And I have no idea. As far as I know, this has never happened before.¡±


    Mimi murmured in agreement. ¡°What are the chances of a Player appearing here so soon? Very low; they¡¯d have to be very low. I don¡¯t understand it at all.¡±


    Ceril bit his lip, staring at the transforming Player with trepidation. ¡°Well you¡¯d better figure it out fast, because Quercus cannot be next to a Starting Zone. You¡¯re going to get my home turned into a godsdamned Instance or something.¡±


    ¡°A what?¡±


    The elf shuddered. ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it. Just...you have to handle this. Okay? You have handle this.¡±


    Any further questions Shin might have had were shelved when the Player snapped back to life, eagerly flouncing back to her seat at the table. ¡°Okay, there!¡± She folded her hands primly over each other, adopting a coquettish look. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    Vain as they might have been, her efforts certainly weren¡¯t in vain. A piquant, heart-shaped face with large, sparkling green eyes, a cute little nose, pertly expressive ears¡­she¡¯d even swapped her hair to a fetching chestnut-colored bob. Shin particularly liked the freckles; he¡¯d always been fond of freckles. ¡°I just hope you¡¯re prepared.¡±


    The Player blinked. ¡°Huh? Prepared?¡±


    ¡°Prepared for all the flowers and poems you¡¯ll be receiving from lovestruck villagers.¡±


    She gasped in delight, flushing pink as she gave Shin¡¯s arm a playful slap. ¡°Omigosh, the NPCs can even flirt?! This is so much fun.¡± She took a quick breath, making a steadying motion with her hands. ¡°Okay, okay. Right.¡± She exhaled, adopting a serious expression. ¡°Back in character.¡±


    She plopped her elbows onto the table, entwining her fingers to prop up her chin as she expectantly looked back and forth between Shin and Ceril. When nothing happened, she furrowed her eyebrows. ¡°Um, start Quest? No?¡± She tried again. ¡°Begin Storyline?¡±


    Shin tilted his head, his deep curiosity overriding any potential concern. ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m trying to start the¡­¡± She trailed off, a memory flitting behind her emerald eyes. ¡°Oh, wait. I¡¯m not supposed to say.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Um, isn¡¯t this an RP Required Zone?¡±


    ¡°A what?¡± Shin glanced towards Ceril, finding the elf unwilling to join the conversation. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    The Player made a thoughtful noise. ¡°I guess it¡¯s not, if you can even ask that¡­Status?¡± She flicked her fingers in the air, flipping through an invisible screen until she found what she was looking for. ¡°Oh! Okay, no; this is just an RP Welcome Zone. That¡¯s not¡­exactly what I asked for, but whatever I guess.¡± She waved away her screen, offering Shin a bashful look. ¡°Right, well, I was trying to start the Storyline? But I guess I don¡¯t know how? This is my first time, sorry.¡±


    This time Shin tried Mimasu, but the scribe wasn¡¯t any more help than Ceril had been. It seemed as if this was going to fall on him. ¡°I don¡¯t think we have one of those here?¡±


    ¡°Eh? Really?¡± The Player furrowed her brow, then drew in an astonished breath. ¡°Wait. Do you mean this whole zone is Procedural? Is your whole race Procedural?!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means?¡±


    She leaned forward excitedly. ¡°It means you didn¡¯t have a Writer! Do you not have a Writer?¡±


    Shin had to consider that for longer than made him entirely comfortable. ¡°I...guess not? I really was not prepared to consider and prove my own free will tonight.¡±


    ¡°No no, it¡¯s cool; this is completely awesome.¡± She bounced excitedly on her cushion,her eyes glimmering. ¡°My friend told me Magica¡¯s storylines all suck anyway. So what¡¯s the deal here, then? Crafting Hub? In-Game Resort? Ooo, is this a new Housing Space? I looked those up; the vibe here is kinda like Hijiki but way less casually racist.¡±


    ¡°I feel like I¡¯m saying this a lot, but I don¡¯t really know.¡± Shin couldn¡¯t help a little smile in spite of himself; this was going very differently from his first Player encounter. ¡°We¡¯re¡­pretty new here.¡±


    ¡°So cool.¡± She extended an arm. ¡°Um, my handle is BexMex, but you should just call me Bex.¡±


    Shin took her proffered greeting, giving a small bow over her hand. ¡°My name is Shin.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Mimasu, but please call me Mimi~!¡± The peppy scribe stopped writing long enough to wave. ¡°I¡¯m getting all of this down for posterity! So exciting~!¡±


    ¡°And our other guest,¡± Shin gestured towards Ceril, who was still pointedly attempting to ignore the whole situation, ¡°Is Ceril. He apologizes for being rude.¡±Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°Prince Ceril,¡± The elf couldn¡¯t resist mumbling, ¡°That¡¯s Prince Ceril.¡±


    ¡°Well it¡¯s really great to meet you guys!¡± Bex clapped her hands together. ¡°So what now?¡±


    Shin considered that for a moment. ¡°Well, I have a few questions for you¡­maybe I could bribe you with dinner?¡±


    The Player gasped theatrically. ¡°How did you know that bribes are my very favorite thing?¡±


    Hm. Maybe certain Players weren¡¯t so bad after all.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Bex was deep into her fourth rice bowl before Shin felt he was even close to understanding the circumstances of her arrival. ¡°...So okay. So Players¡­make bodies for themselves? And they use those bodies to explore our world?¡± The Player nodded, still chewing away, so Shin continued on. ¡°Then where do you come from?¡±


    She gulped, offering a rueful shrug in the pause between between bites. ¡°Sorry, I definitely can¡¯t tell you that. Like literally; I physically can¡¯t say.¡±


    How fascinating. And deeply, deeply unsettling. So Players were¡­Shin still didn¡¯t entirely know what they were. But what he did know was that whatever they were, and wherever they came from, his world was essentially a playground for them. Woof. ¡°Are there going to be more of you appearing here, then?¡±


    ¡°Prolly not,¡± Bex offered around her mouthful before swallowing. ¡°Kobolds don¡¯t even show up on the main Player Race selection? I only found the option because I used a really specific Preferences Search parameter.¡±


    Something in that finally caught Ceril¡¯s attention, the recently reticent elf raising his eyebrows. ¡°Preferences Search? You¡¯ve got the Collector¡¯s Edition?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Um, no? I mean, kinda? I¡¯ve actually got the Tenth Anniversary Palladium Special Collector¡¯s Edition: King Majesty¡¯s Inner Circle Bundle.¡± Bex seemed a bit embarrassed. ¡°It, um, came with a plush.¡±


    Ceril was suddenly very interested in the conversation, offering Bex his most ingratiating smile. ¡°My most esteemed young miss. Why are you wasting your time in a backwater like this? You simply must allow me to escort you to the court of my father, King Glandem. I¡¯m a Prince, you know.¡±


    Bex¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°Uh, really?¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t say a word, too entertained by Ceril¡¯s sudden shift in demeanor to remind the elf that he was still very much a prisoner.


    For his part, Ceril burst from his cushion and extended his hand to Bex with a gallant bow. ¡°Of course! Come with me, my dear Lady Bex, and I will show you the sylvan wonders of the Quercus, the Ever-Growing City! In that wondrous land, we can¨C¡±


    Bex cut him off. ¡°Quercus? Wait, you mean Oaken Elves?¡±


    Ceril had not anticipated an interruption, stumbling over his speech before he could regain his verbal footing. ¡°Well yes, I¡¯m a Prince of the noble Oaken¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah no thanks.¡± The Player turned away from Ceril with a frown. ¡°I¡¯ve already seen enough of Quercus on DeviousArt.¡±


    The elven prince sucked in an affronted gasp at that, his ears wriggling with insulted fervor. ¡°I am going to bed. Good night.¡± And with that, he turned and stomped out of the room.


    Shin tilted his head back, giving Mimi a look. ¡°Find a room for Prince Ceril, and please lock him inside until morning.¡±


    ¡°Right~!¡± The scribe bowed, and then marched after Ceril to find the tantrum-throwing elf a bedroom slash prison cell.


    Well there was simply no avoiding the next question. ¡°What was that all about? What¡¯s wrong with Quercus?¡±


    Bex huffed, stirring her chopsticks through her rice. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna talk about it. I just think the way some people play this game is super gross.¡±


    No question on that score. Shin had seen that first hand himself. ¡°I guess we won¡¯t have to worry about that here, if it¡¯s just going to be you.¡±


    ¡°Well I don¡¯t know about that.¡± Bex stacked her empty bowl with the three others. ¡°You guys are super new, so the System just hasn¡¯t sorted you yet. Eventually, you¡¯re gonna show up to everyone.¡±


    That was not what Shin had hoped to hear. ¡°I see.¡±


    ¡°So maybe you could find a way to spice things up a bit here? Like, some sort of quest or story or something?¡± Bex stood up, giving her legs a stretch. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t mean for me. This place is, like, perfect for me! But I think other Players might find it kinda boring? And if you guys got Pruned it¡¯d suck really hard.¡±


    ¡°Pruned?¡± Shin felt his ears beginning to flatten of their own accord. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well, you remember how I said Procedural stuff was pretty rare?¡± Shin slowly nodded, so she continued on. ¡°Well that¡¯s ¡®cause if the Mods think the Players won¡¯t like it, they delete it. And their taste is, like, famously bad.¡±


    It was a strange thing to listen to a cheerful young woman casually discuss the utter erasure of oneself and their entire people. Shin found that he very much did not like it. ¡°Well. I¡¯d like to officially vote against Pruning, then.¡±


    ¡°Me too! You¡¯ve definitely got my vote of approval.¡± Bex shrugged regretfully. ¡°It¡¯ll be up to the Mods, though.¡± A furtive look shimmered across her eyes as she motioned for Shin to lean in, dropping her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ¡°You¡¯ve probably already got one watching, I bet.¡±


    Shin raised his eyebrows, the hair on the back of his neck pricking up. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, for sure. I bet there¡¯s totally a Shed in this zone right now, disguised as a tree or something and taking a bunch of fussy notes.¡± Bex tsked. ¡°Those guys are like if you gave Omniipedia admins the ability to personally alter space and time. Real power trip nightmares.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what any of that means. But I do know I didn¡¯t like any of it.¡±


    ¡°Well I¡¯m rooting for you, Shin!¡± The Player gave her new kobold friend a thumbs up before opening up an invisible Screen. ¡°Hey listen, I gotta go. But you¡¯ll show me around tomorrow, right?¡±


    Shin nodded distractedly. ¡°Sure, of course.¡±


    Bex grinned. ¡°Awesome. ¡®Kay thanks byee~!¡±


    And then she was gone.


    For a long moment, Shin simply remained seated at the table as he worked through what he¡¯d learned. Everything had seemed so simple when he was a mongrel. They just needed to defeat the outpost monsters, and then life would be good. Only now, he knew that wasn¡¯t the case. Even if the kobolds had won some measure of control over their lives, their lives would never truly be their own. If what Bex said was true, then every aspect of Shin¡¯s world served one ultimate purpose: amusement for the Players.


    And if they weren¡¯t amusing enough? Pruned. Cast aside. Deleted. Gone.


    Something would have to be done about that. But Shin knew that was a goal for a later day. For now? He needed to figure out how to make the pleasant little lives of a small village of honest people exciting.


    Hopefully Players really liked colorful fish.

 24. The Rice Cracker Council

    ¡°¨CSo that¡¯s the long and short of it. If something called a Mod decides we aren¡¯t interesting, we might wind up erased from existence.¡± Shin spread his hands out on the table, searching out the eyes of the other villagers. ¡°Thoughts?¡±


    Silence pressed down over the assembled kobolds, and Shin couldn¡¯t blame them. He¡¯d just told them all that the purpose of their lives was to act as amusement of capricious beings from some other level of existence. Gero and Momo had obviously started out with him as mongrels, as had the other four kobolds Shin had summoned. So he¡¯d hoped that the similarities between their old state of being and their new one might soften the blow? But even still, this was a tough dose to take.


    No, it was more than that. Sure, as mongrels they¡¯d lived and died on the whims of supposedly ¡®higher¡¯ beings. But beyond the basic dignity of all thinking and feeling beings, as mongrels they¡¯d had very little to live for. Now? Now they had a home, now they had families. Even the least charitable of observers should have been able to take one look at the bustling life of Shinki Itten Village and known for a fact that her inhabitants were full-fledged people, with all the rights that ought to deserve.


    At length, Kaiteki broke the silence. ¡°If I¡¯d know this meeting was going to be this serious, I probably wouldn¡¯t have brought all these snacks. I feel like it¡¯s inappropriate that I brought so many snacks.¡±


    That broke the floodgates. ¡°No way!¡±


    ¡°We really appreciate it!¡±


    ¡°I think there should be more snacks, If I¡¯m being¨C¡±


    ¡°¨Cme that I want to get the recipe for these rice crackers before¨C¡±


    ¡°Snacks forever!¡±


    ¡°I think we all agree that this is some pretty serious nonsense,¡± Gero raised her voice, cutting through the crosstalk, ¡°But also that it¡¯s easier to handle thanks to Kaiteki¡¯s great snacks.¡±


    She rose from her seat, and soon all of the kobolds were giving the blushing Kaiteki a round of applause. Maybe they were taking this better than Shin had given them credit for.


    As the ovation died down, Hanbun cleared her throat. ¡°So it sounds like we¡¯ve got two problems: we need to become a Sanctuary to protect us from the Players, and we need to offer something interesting to protect us from the Mods. Right?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s right. But,¡±¨CShin tapped a finger to the tabletop¨C¡±Both clocks have to ring at the same time. Even as a Sanctuary, the Mods could still Prune us.¡±


    ¡°...And if we make ourselves appealing to the Players before we¡¯re protected as a Sanctuary, they¡¯ll chew us up.¡± Momo finished, frowning slightly. ¡°Getting Pruned almost sounds more appealing.¡±


    Dyu raised his hand. ¡°What about the Player that¡¯s already here? Do we need to worry about her?¡±


    ¡°Bex?¡± Shin drummed his fingers across the table, trying to decide what to say. ¡°...I think it would probably be unwise to fully trust any Player. Maybe ever. But she seems manageable.¡±


    ¡°And she¡¯s only Level One, without many ways to gain Experience in this zone,¡± Gero pointed out. ¡°Push come to shove, while it¡¯s just her? We could handle her.¡±


    ¡°We could, sure.¡± Hanbun spun a finger around, indicating the kobolds gathered in the meeting hall. ¡°But all of us fought at the Outpost. The new villagers are mostly Level One and Two. Even without a single point of Experience and completely naked, a Player who truly wanted to could kill any number of them before one of us brought them down.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Which is why physical confrontation with Players should only be a last resort. And why I think that, for the time being, Bex should be assigned an escort whenever possible.¡±


    Gero snorted. ¡°I¡¯ll babysit her. I¡¯ve got the most experience dealing with Players, after all.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin flicked his ears in mock confusion. ¡°I seem to remember having had something to do with that myself. Something with an arrow, and an exploding still¡­¡±


    The big kobold narrowed her eyes. ¡°I also have the most experience putting up with unbearable smartasses, so it¡¯s a natural fit.¡±This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Well. Hard to argue against that.


    ¡°I¡¯m not really sure what to do about the ¡®more interesting¡¯ thing,¡± Dyu started, fiddling his hat between his hands. ¡°I think our village is plenty interesting already. But do we know how to become a Sanctuary yet?¡±


    ¡°Yes, we did a bit of research.¡± Shin glanced over his shoulder. ¡°Mimi?¡±


    The scribe perked up, flipping through the pages of his tome. ¡°Ah, yes~! The primary way of becoming a Sanctuary is by increasing the associated Tribe¡¯s Strength to Level Three, and then performing an appropriate dedication to become a full-fledged Faction.¡±


    ¡°A Faction?¡± Kaiteki tilted his head. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    Shita leaned in. ¡°It doesn¡¯t really matter much yet, does it? We aren¡¯t even a Level Two Tribe right now, let alone Level Three.¡±


    The farmer shrugged. ¡°Okay, how do we become a Level Two Tribe then?¡±


    That was a bit of good news Shin could share, at least. ¡°That¡¯s based on food stores, class diversity and overall Experience Level of the Tribe. The only one of those we haven¡¯t already surpassed is the Storage Progress Bar, and we should reach that before the week is out. That¡¯ll double our Population Cap and give us our first Class Upgrade.¡±


    Excited murmurs echoed across the table, each of the gathered kobolds excited over the prospect of more pack members and their own personal growth. Momo waited for the chatter to die down before speaking up. ¡°What about Level Three?¡±


    Shin sighed. ¡°That¡¯s¡­going to be a little trickier.¡±


    Mimi chimed in. ¡°Level Three requires more resources and population than a single Level Two Settlement can produce. The best way to meet those goals seems to be gaining control of more Conquest Sites. Two more should do it, we think?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Gero perked up. ¡°What about the waystation in the next zone? The elves can¡¯t have gotten to it already, right? Maybe if we take that over, and Higen manages to find more mongrels, we can hit the population requirements?¡±


    ¡°We Razed the waystation for experience, remember?¡± Shin shook his head. ¡°It was the right call at the time, but¡­ugh. Rebuilding it back to a Claim-able state with only two Blacksmiths and one Carpenter will take a really long time. Months, maybe.¡±


    ¡°And who knows when Higen will come back, or with how many new kobolds?¡± Hanbun grimaced. ¡°Is there any way to become a Sanctuary before hitting Third Level?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± Momo hesitantly spoke up. ¡°I think there might be a way? I¡¯m hesitant to say it, though, because it¡¯s a bit¡­personal? For some people?¡±


    This was all news to Shin. A way to become a Sanctuary that didn¡¯t involve Conquest Sites would make all of this so much simpler. ¡°We¡¯re all friends and family here, Momo; I don¡¯t think we¡¯re all comfortable enough with one another that no idea could be too personal.¡±


    Momo nodded, her cheeks flushing in contrast with her serious expression. ¡°Okay then. Babies.¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°Babies?¡±


    ¡°Yes, babies. I looked it up. Children absolutely cannot be harmed directly or indirectly by any action of a Player. It¡¯s a fundamental rule of the System. So any village that has a baby, infant or child in it is automatically a Sanctuary.¡±


    Maybe Shin had been wrong about that whole ¡®no idea too personal¡¯ thing.


    All the eyes at the table immediately swung onto Shita, the blacksmith growling as her face burst into bright red. ¡°Well Koda¡¯n me are trying, dammit! Goddess, Momo, I swear; if the ghost of my old man put that idea in your head, I¡¯m gonna hold my breath until I can murder him in the afterlife.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, actually?¡± Mimi popped his head in. ¡°I think you might have it reversed, Miss Momo?¡±


    Momo raised her eyebrows. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve read about that rule, too, but I don¡¯t think the point it¡¯s making is that children turn a village into a Sanctuary. Rather, I¡¯m quite certain it means that children cannot be born anywhere besides a Sanctuary.¡±


    ¡°What!¡± Shita slapped her hands on the table, her previous embarrassment completely forgotten. ¡°You mean the System¡¯s keeping me and Koda from having a kid?!¡± She pushed a hand into her thick hair, gripping a tight handful as she squeezed her eyes shut in unimaginable annoyance. ¡°Shit. We¡¯ve tried everything. All of my aunties¡¯ remedies and treatments. I¡¯ve been sleepin¡¯ with plom blossoms in my underthings because my gran used to swear it would make a girl ready for bearing. I hate everything so much right now.¡±


    Woof. Shin vaguely recalled that he, too, had a grandmother now. But he mostly had memories about cheek pinches and sweet rice dumplings and not quite so much about what he needed to put into his pants to aid conception. Girls had it tough.


    It seemed as if most of the important ground had been covered. Shin figured he might as well mention his new Plan.


    ¡°We¡¯re all agreed that once we reach Level Two, we need to become a Sanctuary and increase our appeal as quickly as possible, right?¡± Shin took in the nods that answered him from around the table, pulling a scroll from beneath the table. ¡°Well I¡¯ve been thinking about it,¡±¨Che carefully rolled the parchment out for everyone to see¨C¡±And I had an idea that just might serve both purposes.¡±


    The kobolds leaned forward, silently reading over the single phrase inked into the page before them. And then Gero spoke. ¡°What the hell is The Grand Alliance?¡±

 25. Fishing, the Schemer Way

    Ceril didn¡¯t even attempt to control his sneer when Shin finished his pitch. ¡°An Alliance. With you.¡±


    ¡°No, that¡¯s not what I said.¡± Shin continued to fiddle with the lure on his long bamboo fishing rod, his voice light and conversational despite his companion¡¯s grudging tone. ¡°I said we should enter talks to form an Alliance. Big difference.¡±


    ¡°Oh is it now?¡± The elf scoffed as Shin cast his line, the baited lure soaring deep into the lake with a soft plunk. ¡°Clearly crawling up from the gutter gives you some sort of insight truly civilized peoples lack.¡± He gave an arrogant sniff. ¡°Also, you¡¯re doing that wrong.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin settled down on the ground, his fishing pole steadied between his legs as he languidly closed his eyes. ¡°You¡¯ll have to teach me.¡±


    The princely prisoner huffed. ¡°Fine. Here¡¯s another free lesson for you. See that over there?¡± He paused for a moment, then snapped his fingers at Shin. ¡°Are you watching?¡± The kobold cracked an eyelid, and Ceril pointed towards a perfect circle shimmering above the water just beside the dock. ¡°That¡¯s a Fishing Node. You have to aim for those.¡±


    ¡°Golly,¡± Shin replied. ¡°That sounds tough.¡±


    ¡°Hmph, maybe for a fur brain, but nothing is too tough for a Proud Oaken Elf! Watch this, and try as hard as you can to learn something.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll sure try.¡±


    With that, the elf gathered up his line and awkwardly tossed it towards the Node, missing badly on his first two attempts but managing to graze the circle on the third. He puffed out his chest at his accomplishment, craning his head back to preen for Shin¡¯s sake. ¡°You¡¯re not watching!¡±


    The kobold cracked an eye again.


    ¡°Good. Now there¡¯s no way you¡¯ll get the next part, so just sit there and be amazed at the skills I am heir to.¡± Ceril clumsily took his fishing rod between his hands, foot tapping restlessly as he stared at his lure inside the Node. Within a few moments he seemed ready to give up, his meager patience already running dry, but his motion to throw his rod to the ground was interrupted by an obnoxiously loud claxon and the appearance of a cartoonish exclamation point. ¡°Ah! Ahha! Watch! Watch this!¡±


    Shin cracked an eye open again.


    Ceril hunkered down into a steady stance as a large bar with a doodle of a fish at the top appeared over the Node. The fish began to slowly bob up and down the bar as the elf began to jerkily rotate his fishing rod, trying to keep a small bubble centered over it. Apparently, it was harder than it looked. ¡°Mrph, just gotta¡­Shit! Gods!¡± Ceril swore as his attempts grew increasingly erratic. ¡°Fuckin¡¯...Ugh!¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin closed his eye again. ¡°Having trouble?¡±


    ¡°Shut up! You¨Cwait, no! Grah!¡± Ceril threw his pole to the ground as the minigame bar vanished, a gratingly judgmental tune plinking out of the Node. ¡°That didn¡¯t count.¡± He pointed an accusatory finger at Shin. ¡°You distracted me.¡±


    ¡°Whoopsie.¡±


    The elf snatched his bamboo rod back up, apparently unwilling to admit defeat. His second attempt didn¡¯t go much better, and the third was somehow even worse, but on his fourth attempt he finally managed to keep the bubble locked onto its target long enough for the Progress Meter to completely fill. ¡°Hahaha, yes~!¡± The elf thrust out his tiny prize for Shin¡¯s adulation, presenting his miniscule trophy as if it was a fish-shaped diamond. ¡°You see now? Do you see now.¡±


    ¡°Sure do.¡± Shin held up a thumb, his eyes still closed. ¡°Way to go.¡±


    ¡°I thought so!¡± Ceril dumped the fish back into the lake, the System-spawned creature vanishing before it hit the water. ¡°So tell me again, oh kobold who knows so much about the world, how my people would get anything from joining this ¡®Grand Alliance¡¯ of yours.¡±


    ¡°Again. Not join.¡± Shin tapped a finger to the side of his nose. ¡°Talks. Just talks.¡±


    Ceril frowned. ¡°What¡¯s the difference?¡±


    ¡°The difference? How about ¡®everything¡¯?¡± Shin¡¯s fishing rod twitched, so he smoothly rose to his feet. ¡°Is that different enough for you?¡±


    The elf scowled. ¡°Why do you always take an eternity to say what you mean? Why can¡¯t you ever just state your stupid ideas plainly?¡±You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    Shin carefully held steady, feeling the weight of the fish whose attention his lure had caught. ¡°For the same reason that talks of an Alliance are better than actually creating one.¡± He gave his rod a sharp upwards jerk, precisely timed to his target¡¯s solid bite. ¡°It¡¯s more interesting.¡±


    ¡°More interesting?¡± Ceril¡¯s long ears drooped slightly as he watched Shin gracefully shift his fishing rod left and right, countering the fish¡¯s attempts at escape. ¡°I don¡¯t follow.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s simple.¡± Shin inched his fingers through the taut fishing line, giving his foe less and less room to work with. ¡°Once formed, that¡¯s all an Alliance is. But a possible Alliance? That could be anything.¡± He pulled back, the bamboo rod bending almost completely in half as the fish was dragged closer. ¡°Maybe it will work out. But maybe not! Maybe one side plans to betray the other, or maybe third parties are involved. Who knows? It¡¯s all very mysterious and exciting, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Ceril shifted awkwardly in his spot. ¡°I¡­guess?¡±


    ¡°Of course it is. And interesting, my good Prince, is the name of the game. ¡®Interesting¡¯ gives our zones and peoples a story. ¡®Interesting¡¯ keeps Players happy.¡± He gave one final, mighty pull, and then turned towards Ceril with a massive, gorgeous trout dangling at the end of his line. ¡®¡®Interesting¡¯ keeps the System from deciding to barge in and decide for itself what would be ¡®Interesting¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Ceril stared at the kobold, thoughts working steadily behind his far-off eyes. ¡°...huh. Right.¡±


    ¡°So does the idea of my Grand Alliance sound a little more appealing now, Prince Ceril.¡±


    The captive elf shook himself free of his stupor, narrowing an eye at Shin. ¡°I mean¡­maybe. Maybe a little. I¡¯m not sure what you expect me to do, though.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that part¡¯s simple.¡± The kobold smoothly extracted the hook from the fish¡¯s mouth, stepping closer to his guest slash prisoner. ¡°Introductions, that¡¯s all.¡± He carefully slipped an index finger under one gill, then his middle finger under the other. ¡°Take me to the nearest Oaken Elf outpost and introduce us as potential new friends.¡±


    Ceril huffed, eyes defiant as he glared at Shin. ¡°What, and just conveniently forget that you kidnapped me? And murdered all my comrades?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± Shin calmly met the other man¡¯s gaze. ¡°You should forget that I kidnapped you, and that I¡¯m a murderer.¡±


    The elf quavered, but it almost seemed as though he might be able to hold Shin¡¯s stare. But then the kobold pulled the trout¡¯s head back and up, cleanly snapping the fish¡¯s neck. Ceril immediately flinched backwards, breaking eye contact and mumbling out a response as Disadvantage settled upon him. ¡°Right, I¡­right. I, um, will.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Shin kept his tone breezy as he mentally flipped through his Opportunism selection. ¡°You will? Ceril quickly nodded, but the Schemer pressed him further. ¡°You will what, exactly?¡±


    ¡°I will, um, I mean I won¡¯t tell them.¡±


    ¡°You won¡¯t tell them what.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Ceril¡¯s eyes flicked up, met Shin¡¯s, and quickly went back to inspecting the ground. ¡°I won¡¯t tell the other Oaken Elves that you kidnapped me, or that you murdered everyone at the waystation.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Good!¡± Shin gave Ceril a friendly smile as the Opportunism effect sank into the browbeaten elf. ¡°That¡¯s really good, Prince Ceril. Besides, it was Red Players who destroyed the waystation, wasn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Yes, uh, that¡¯s right. Of course.¡± Ceril quickly latched on to Shin¡¯s promptings, eager to get past this unsettling moment. ¡°Those damned Red Players. That¡¯s, um, exactly why we need a Grand Alliance.¡± He flinched, stumbling over his words as he corrected himself. ¡°I, er, that is, that¡¯s why we need to talk about forming a Grand Alliance.¡± He glanced up timidly. ¡°Right?¡±


    Shin chuckled affectionately, giving Ceril a pat on the cheek with fingers lightly tinged in gore. ¡°Such a smart fish I¡¯ve caught. Speaking of which.¡± He held up the trout, still dully twitching. ¡°Would you like to join me for dinner?¡±


    ¡°No, I, thanks so much, but I, erm, no,¡± Ceril nearly tripped over his own feet as he retreated towards the safety of the village watchtower, his intimidated brain trying to force excuses through his mouth faster than his lips could keep up with. ¡°I¡¯m going to bed, right, must get to bed, such an early start tomorrow, hope you understand, anyways thank you so much for¨C¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist a wry grin as Mimi stepped forward, extending a chilled pouch. ¡°I bet he really does hole up in bed,¡± Shin remarked, slipping his catch inside, ¡°Though I suspect he¡¯s going to dream about fish.¡±


    Mimi made a little noise, the normally peppy scribe seeming almost reproachful. ¡°I¡¯m a little worried, though.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin raised an eyebrow, giving the air a slight sniff. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Well, the plan is certainly plausible, but¡­¡± Mimi trailed off, eventually offering a rueful shrug. ¡°No matter how scared of you he might be, do you really think he won¡¯t betray us the moment he¡¯s alone with the other Oaken Elves?¡±


    ¡°What? That¡¯s what¡¯s worrying you?¡± Shin blew a raspberry. ¡°Of course he will. He¡¯d better, at least.¡±


    Mimi tilted his head. ¡°But, the plan¨C¡±


    Shin scoffed, balancing his fishing rod on his shoulder. ¡°You really think that was the plan? And the ultimate goal is standing shoulder to shoulder with Prince Ceril?¡± He clucked his tongue. ¡°You¡¯re going to have to do a bit of a better job keeping up than that, Mimi. Ceril is not the fish.¡±


    He deftly caught his fishing pole¡¯s hook between his fingers, waggling it cheekily at his fascinated assistant. ¡°He¡¯s just the bait.¡±

 26. Progressing

    Shin had never relaxed in his entire life.


    The thought hit him like a bolt of thunder after three days of wandering the village, fishing, and casually plotting counter ripostes for any conceivable assault on his home and pack. Certainly he¡¯d taken breaks, lounged in the sun or had a nap or whatever, but three full days of what was essentially idleness? Absolutely unheard of.


    Obviously the most recent few weeks had been a whirlwind of activity. Planning, grinding, fighting, sneaking, outwitting, asking questions about fish. But even his days as a mongrel had been balanced on a razor¡¯s edge. Certainly he¡¯d had less going on, but how could one ever truly relax with the constant presence of death literally just around the bend?


    But right now? He already knew the major strokes of the current plan, and he couldn¡¯t put them into motion until the Tribe reached Level Two. Which would happen without any necessary plotting or scheming from him. And again: he truly had no other job. As far as he could tell, the only task he could perform that wouldn¡¯t immediately result in some more useful and bizarrely apologetic villager taking it over was sweeping the pathway that led from the village square to the shrine.


    It took twenty minutes at most, and Shin was entirely confident that if he ever missed a day, the wind would take care of the matter for him.


    Though one could be forgiven for assuming it was some grand and noble sacrifice, if they¡¯d ever witnessed one of the villagers coming across Shin mid-sweep. They all seemed to regard his handling of the little chore with the sort of beaming pride that really should be reserved for a child¡¯s first steps. It was deeply embarrassing, but Shin was too paranoid that even this job would be taken from him to say anything about it.


    All in all, however, Shin¡¯s days had been languid and tranquil. And, he realized, incredibly boring. Thank the Goddess that the Storage Progress Bar would be completed together. Because if Shin had to relax for one second longer, his brain was going to devour itself.


    The knock at his door couldn¡¯t have come a moment sooner. Shin burst from his writing desk and rushed over, pausing only long enough to affect a casual air before opening the door. ¡°Oh, is it time already?¡±


    Gero quirked a teasing half smile, looking no less a warrior in her formal robe than with a club in hand. ¡°You¡¯ve been counting seconds under your breath for the last three days. I bet you¡¯ve personally tallied every grain of rice in the storage.¡±


    ¡°You,¡±¨CShin pointed a finger at Gero¨C¡±Are one thousand percent correct. Shall we?¡±


    With that he offered her his arm, and the two descended the stairway to join the rest of the village in the gathering hall.


    Spirits were high among the gathered kobolds, all clad in their cleanest robes with a festive air wafting throughout the building. It was the first time any of them had reason to mark an occasion before, and no one was quite sure what they were meant to be doing. Though they had all clearly agreed on one thing: whatever this sort of thing was supposed to be? Food was clearly involved.


    Every single villager had seemingly brought enough food to support a modest gathering of their own, resulting in a feast that was grand by any standards. The food was simple, certainly; just rice, pickled vegetables and meat. Shin had briefly thought his own contribution of several nicely grilled trout would stand out from the rest of the offerings. But the moment he laid eyes on the glorious vision that was the whole roast pig Moots had brought, he knew he was destined to be nothing more than an also-ran.


    Shin and Gero received more than a few cheerful greetings as they joined the crowd, but more than anything else the assembled villagers seemed increasingly restless. Judging by the sideways glances nearly every kobold was aiming towards that pig, if they had to wait much longer to eat a full-fledged riot might break out.


    Momo seemed to still need a few moments, though, so it appeared as if they would have to continue testing the limits of their newfound civilized ways. Shin glanced over towards Gero. ¡°I guess we¡¯re supposed to¡­mingle now? Is that a thing?¡±


    ¡°I really don¡¯t¡­¡± She trailed off, squinting at something further ahead in the crowd. ¡°Is that the Player?¡±


    Shin followed Gero¡¯s eyes, and sure enough there was Bex. She was laughing at something Moots had just said, the old farmer clearly just as capable of charming a Player as he was kobolds. And Shin absolutely did not miss the way that Ceril was awkwardly attempting to edge his way into the conversation. Ugh. The elf had barely said three sentences to Shin in as many days, and the kobold was fairly certain every single one of them had been about Bex.


    Clearly there was something Ceril knew about Players that he had not seen fit to share yet. Not that Shin minded. A capable rival keeps the mind sharp, and while Ceril was barely a rival and absolutely not capable, it was better than nothing.


    As usual, the elf¡¯s plot was thwarted without calling for an ounce of true effort. Shin raised his hand to the trio and Bex immediately noticed, calling a cheerful goodbye to Moots over her shoulder as she bounded through the crowd to return the greeting.


    Ceril made as if to follow, but then he caught Shin¡¯s eye and couldn¡¯t resist flinching back. The elf pouted, giving his hair a haughty flick as he stomped away to sulk in the corner. Hm. His Arrogance was beginning to overtake his Cowardice again. Fun.


    Bex grinned as she waved to Shin, looking very nearly like a villager herself in her simple robes. ¡°Hey Shin, I whoa~...¡± The girl trailed off as she laid eyes on Gero, her tail and ears shooting up in an impressively kobold-like manner. ¡°Who is this? Who are you?¡±


    Gero raised an eyebrow. ¡°That¡¯s how you greet someone? Interesting.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um!¡± Bex flushed under the mild criticism. ¡°Sorry, I mean, I¡¯m Bex. It¡¯s very nice to meet you.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Gero.¡± She gave a small, approving nod. ¡°Much better.¡±


    The Player preened under the light praise, immediately dropping all pretense of formality again. ¡°Omigod, I just have to say, you are so awesome?¡±


    Gero did not seem to have expected this turn in the conversation. ¡°I, uh, yes? I am?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m being serious!¡± She reached out and grabbed Gero¡¯s hand, the much larger woman too overpowered by the Player¡¯s sociability to protest. ¡°I need to know you. I want to watch videos of you explaining proper workout techniques. I would drink any smoothie you suggested, even though smoothies are super gross. If you ever told me that a certain brand of athleisure wear was best, I¡¯d throw out all my other clothes immediately.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­¡± Gero helplessly cast her eyes back towards Shin, utterly overwhelmed by the other girl¡¯s immediate adulation. ¡°I don¡¯t know what any of that is.¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    ¡°Oh crap; I¡¯m sorry.¡± Bex quickly released Gero¡¯s hand, looking utterly mortified with herself. ¡°That was dumb; I come on way too strong a lot of the time. Oh God, this is like Jenny Park all over again.¡±


    Gero did her best to keep up. ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°She was this girl I totally wasn¡¯t trying to hit on I just thought she was cool and we should be friends though I mean yeah we did wind up making out a little later on but that was during a blackout which I don¡¯t think really counts and¨C¡±


    ¡°Stop.¡± Shin waved his hands. ¡°Stop stop stop.¡±


    Bex held herself still. ¡°Okay, stopping now.¡±


    ¡°Right. Okay. Deep breath.¡± Shin drew in a breath, and the girl did the same. So did Gero, he couldn¡¯t help noticing. He released his breath, and once Bex had done the same he continued on. ¡°Are you trying to say that you want to be Gero¡¯s friend?¡±


    The Player nodded. ¡°Yes totally. I mean yeah, Gero, you¡¯re objectively hot but I¡¯m not so thirsty that I¡¯d come here to¨C¡±


    ¡°Bex.¡±


    ¡°Ah! Crap. Right.¡± The girl shook herself steady, then planted her feet and raised her head, a resolute expression on her face. ¡°Gero. Let¡¯s hang out sometime.¡±


    Gero seemed to have gotten a grip on the conversation by this point. ¡°Okay. Sure.¡±


    Bex tightened her fists, seemingly soldiering through her intense desire to shriek with joy. ¡°Also maybe you should show me some fighting tips! I haven¡¯t started a Class yet, and I don¡¯t know what yours is but you are obviously the best at it.¡±


    ¡°Well I guess that¡¯s the second piece of proof that your eyes work.¡± Gero allowed herself a smile as Bex gave an appreciative laugh, the tension broken between the two. ¡°Come by the barracks tomorrow. If you can even lift my club, I¡¯ll make you my personal apprentice.¡±


    Bex hissed in furious delight. ¡°Yes friggin¡¯ yes; this rules so¨C¡±


    The Player¡¯s meditation on what it was that, in fact, ruled was interrupted as a powerful murmur passed through the crowd. It seemed Momo had finally finished setting up her altar. The little cleric stepped forward, a silken gauze of incense draping itself across her shoulders as she spread her hands wide and prepared to speak.


    ¡°No! No speeches!¡±


    Momo blinked, briefly unable to parse the outburst. ¡°Uh?¡±


    ¡°No speeches!¡± The villager repeated, the crowd around him clearly in absolute agreement. ¡°We¡¯re hungry!¡±


    Hm. It seemed like in the future, any potential pomp and circumstance should be scheduled distantly after dinner was served. Good to know.


    Either way, Momo took the derailment of her ceremony in good humor. Having read the mood of the crowd, she simply turned her eyes towards the top of the staircase and called up to the kobold waiting there. ¡°You heard them!¡±


    Dyu nodded, then excitedly plopped the bag of rice down into the second floor storage room, filling the Storage Progress Bar and promoting the kobolds to a Level Two Tribe.


    The hungry crowd gasped in spite of their stated impatience as a visible ripple cascaded out from the store room, leaving whatever it passed just a little bit nicer. The gathering area transformed from a pleasant-if-utilitarian space to a hall any noble would have been proud to entertain from, all lacquered wood and cunningly hewn stone. Even the clothes on their backs began to change, turning light and soft and bursting in bright hues and patterns that turned the room into a riot of colors.


    Shin snapped himself out of gawking at Gero¡¯s newly light blue robe just in time to realize he had something important to check. ¡°Status!¡±


    The kobold could barely contain himself as his Status Screen transformed in front of him, his eyes immediately drawn to the introduction of his sheet.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Citizen)


    Class: ¡°Tactician¡± (Lvl 12)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.


    Shin is apparently a special Schemer now. Oooo~! Does he want a special little hat? Does he do a special little dance? Shin is still a Schemer, through and through, no matter what anyone else claims. Trash is trash, and a dog in fine clothing is still a damn dog.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Oh fuck you Status Screen.


    There were some other changes Shin needed to look at, but he needed to viciously attack like a whole half of that roast pig before he could muster up the will to glance at his sheet again.


    Fortunately the transformed feast was a suitable salve for the apparently-still-a-Schemer¡¯s wounded pride. The upgrading ripple had taken the base components of the kobold¡¯s offerings and created from them a truly mouth-watering banquet, the dizzying array of dishes on display sending out the sort of aroma that would have made a stoic weep: rows of plump dumplings, as shining and perfect as any diamond. Cuts of impossibly fresh fish arranged with the eye of both a culinarian and a true artist. Enormous noodles, nearly as long as a full grown man, simmering in deeply flavored broth.


    Moots¡¯ roast pig, it must be noted, remained completely unchanged. Perfection is Perfection.


    Before Shin could join the queue for food, however, Bex stepped in front of him. ¡°Oh hey, before I forget! That was Shinki Itten becoming Level Two, right?¡±


    Shin nodded, trying to decide whether knocking an immortal Player to the ground to get at the food faster was worth it. ¡°Yes..¡±


    ¡°Okay awesome; since you¡¯re Level Two I can finally trade in these!¡±


    It was tough to say which stimuli reached Shin¡¯s brain first: the two coins that Bex presented him with, or the cry of complete disbelief that burst out of Ceril. Because while the elf¡¯s scream of impotent incredulity was loud enough to be heard from across the room and over the noise of the feast, the two coins were so wrong and so right that it was difficult to process anything else.


    They should have been unremarkable: bright yellow and roughly the size of a man¡¯s fist with a picture of a bearded king of some sort printed on either side. And yet the edges of the coins fizzled against the very stuff of the world, as if reality wasn¡¯t entirely sure what to make of them and preferred to keep its distance.


    For his part, Shin found it difficult to state how very much he wanted to grab hold of the things and never let go.


    The kobold very carefully swallowed before responding. ¡°What are those?¡±


    Bex grinned, popping a hand down to her hip. ¡°Oh, you didn¡¯t know I was a whale? These,¡±¨CShe waggled the coins in beside her face¨C¡±Are Royal Coins. And you¡¯d better be ready.¡±


    Shin¡¯s throat was already dry again. ¡°For what?¡±


    ¡°To drink from the sweet cup of Pay-to-Win.¡±

 27. The Sparkling Allure of Premium Currency

    In the short time Shin had known Ceril, Proud Oaken Ranger slash Twelfth Prince slash Pouting Prisoner, he¡¯d come to recognize two chief personality impulses within the elf: Arrogant and Craven. Sometimes he was more Arrogant, sometimes he was more Craven, but at all times Ceril could be understood as some ratio between the two.


    As soon as the Royal Coins came out, however, Shin was intrigued to witness a hitherto unknown third Ceril Trait: Shameless Suck-Up.


    Ceril somehow dashed through the entire crowd of feasting kobolds in the blink of an eye, his smile simpering and his tone ingratiating as he kowtowed to Bex. ¡°My Lady! I had always known you were a person of true worth, but I had no idea of the scope, of the magnitude of your greatness!¡± He made an elaborate flourish with his hand, dipping into a bow. ¡°What a fool I was!¡±


    Bex frowned, shifting a little further away from Ceril. ¡°Um, yeah. They¡¯re part of my subscription package.¡±


    ¡°A one time bonus?¡±


    ¡°No, uh, monthly.¡±


    If Ceril had a tail, there was no question it would have wagged itself clean off of his butt. ¡°My Lady! I beg you; please reconsider how you spent your well-deserved riches! Giving it to these¡­¡± He trailed off, Arrogant and Craven fighting it out and coming to a draw, ¡°Giving it to these would be like throwing your Coins away! Do they even have a Favor Store set up?¡±


    Shin had to shrug. ¡°No, we don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°I mean,¡± Gero leaned in, gesturing with an entire haunch of roast pork, ¡°Do you even know what that is?¡±


    ¡°Ah, good point. Correction,¡±¨CShin held up a finger¨C¡±We don¡¯t have one of those and we don¡¯t even know what they are.¡±


    ¡°Ha! I repeat, Ha! Ha ha!¡± Ceril barked out a triumphant laugh. ¡°You see? My Lady, won¡¯t you please consider again who is and who isn¡¯t truly worthy of your largesse?¡± He took a conspiratorial glance to either side before leaning in for an overly loud whisper. ¡°I¡¯ll even share a secret. If you enter the magical phrase ¡®PrinceCerilTwelve¡¯ when redeeming your Royal Coins in Quercus, your treasure will be magically increased by five percent of its¨C¡±


    ¡°Uh yeah. No thanks.¡± Bex shifted as far to the other end of her cushion as she could manage. ¡°Quercus doesn¡¯t have anything I want.¡±


    Ceril offered up another servile smile. ¡°The rent on a fine woodland manor within carriage distance of the Ever-Growing City is merely¨C¡±


    The Player waved him off. ¡°The reviews say those manors are filled with giant woodpeckers.¡±


    ¡°Ahha, My Lady,¡± Ceril chuckled indulgently, ¡°The giant woodpeckers are an added value! They eat most of the giant woodlice! And renting them only increases your rent by¨C¡±


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    The elf switched gears. ¡°Why, with your two Royal Coins, you could hire the services of a crack team of Oaken Elf rangers to squire you through any number of thrilling dungeons, allowing you to reap all the benefits with none of the risks!¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Bex made a face. ¡°That sounds so boring. Why even bother at that point?¡±


    By this point, Ceril¡¯s Arrogance was beginning to peek through his Shamelessness. ¡°My Lady,¡± he started, clearly making an effort to keep his tone even, ¡°The Oaken Elves are blessed to have the highest monthly total of Royal Coin donations out of any other group outside of the Destined Path. Surely all of those other Players can¡¯t all be wrong, yes?¡±


    That certainly caught Shin¡¯s attention. He¡¯d been perfectly willing to devour pork and spectate as Bex dunked on Ceril, but this seemed like a potentially interesting piece of information. ¡°Is that really true?¡±


    Bex blew a raspberry, piling pickled vegetables into her bowl. ¡°Sure it is. And like nine out of ten of those Royal Coins all go to one thing.¡± She adopted a faux elegant tone, waving her chopsticks grandly, ¡°¡®An Evening¡¯s Repast with the Court of King Glandem¡¯. Yuck.¡±


    Ceril started to huff in irritation, but caught himself in time to mostly disguise the display of annoyance as a pained chuckle. ¡°How can it be, as you say,¡±¨CHe gave a pair of entirely unnecessary finger quotes¨C¡±¡¯Yuck¡¯ to briefly sample the grandeur of Star Oak Hall? To sup not only on the finest of delicacies, but on the boundless wisdom of my father King Glandem?¡±


    ¡°Oh sure, right.¡± Bex rolled her eyes. ¡°That¡¯s why people pay out the nose for that package. It¡¯s all the supping from all the wisdom delicacies. You totally nailed it, bud.¡±


    This time Ceril was unable to hide his huff. ¡°I¡¯m sure I have no idea what you¡¯re implying.¡±


    Bex caught Shin¡¯s eye as she sampled a bit of pickled plom and rice, proceeding to talk about Ceril as if he wasn¡¯t there. ¡°Y¡¯know what¡¯s funny?¡± She swallowed her bite, digging back in for more. ¡°I bet he really doesn¡¯t know. Though maybe that¡¯s actually more sad than funny?¡±


    Seeing as he too didn¡¯t know what Bex was referring to, Shin didn¡¯t feel as if he could weigh in. Gero, however, had no such compunctions. ¡°Sad. It¡¯s definitely funny, but it¡¯s definitely more sad.¡±


    Ceril burst from his cushion, his ears flaring an embarrassed red at the light mockery. ¡°I won¡¯t sit here and be eep!¡±


    He cut himself off with a distressed squeak as he noticed that his outburst had drawn the attention of every assembled kobold, as well as an entirely displeased Old Moots, and one hundred and two eyes were now firmly locked on him.


    And with that, Craven declared victory over the battlefield that was Ceril¡¯s soul.


    Watching the elf all but sink to his belly and slither away to a corner of the room, Bex rolled her eyes again. ¡°Jesus. That guy sucks, but I can¡¯t help feeling for him a little.¡±


    Gero scoffed. ¡°Really? Why?¡±


    ¡°Because being him clearly sucks just as bad as being around him? I mean, someone who¡¯s being that willfully blind about their entire situation must have gotten a good look at themselves, once, and really did not like what they saw.¡±


    Huh. Shin still didn¡¯t have an entirely clear picture of the Oaken Elf situation, but the sentiment was well-put either way. He found the nuances of Bex¡¯s observation so engaging that he almost missed Gero sneaking her chopsticks into his bowl to steal a bite of his food.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Almost. ¡°Hey. Your bowl is that way.¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± Gero popped the pilfered pork into her mouth. ¡°How clumsy of me. Let me try that again.¡±


    Shin raised his eyes as Gero shakily directed her chopsticks towards her own bowl, then veered off at the last moment to grab a slice of pickled radish from Shin¡¯s instead. ¡°Close. You were close that time.¡±


    Gero affected a dismayed look as she crunched down on the briny vegetable. ¡°This is tough, I think I¡¯d better¡­¡± She trailed off as she noticed Bex watching her and Shin¡¯s exchange with laser-focused intensity. ¡°Um, what?¡±


    The Player grinned, her ears perking in a particularly kobold-like enjoyment. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m just trying to really dig in and learn my kobold-isms. And you two are cute~! This is flirting, right?¡±


    ¡°Um.¡± Gero flushed. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Yeah! Letting someone eat from your bowl is, like, a super flirty thing for you guys.¡± Bex tilted her head in another picture-perfect pack mannerism. ¡°Isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Shin cleared his throat, hoping he hadn¡¯t turned quite as red as Gero. ¡°I don¡¯t know about that. I think we¡¯re mostly just normal about stuff like that. Right?¡±


    ¡°What? No way; this is absolutely a kobold thing. Like, you guys are a big family and you share everything, right?¡±


    ¡°Right¡­¡±


    ¡°Right, but once everything has been shared out, you¡¯re super firm on what¡¯s yours being yours. Here, watch this:¡± The girl raised her chopsticks and leaned her body in a wide circle, causing every kobold her utensils came within a certain radius of to instinctively shift their bowls away. ¡°See?¡±


    He¡­sort of did? It felt odd trying to analyze his own culture, especially considering the fact that said culture was only a week or so old. Every kobold got their fair share, but when you¡¯re just one pup in a big pack it¡¯s important that everyone understands what is theirs. Anything else and they¡¯d run the risk of constant squabbles and fights over resources. So if one kobold was comfortable enough with another to take something from them without even asking, that would be a deeply intimate act.


    Shin decided he immediately wanted to change the topic. ¡°What other ¡®kobold-isms¡¯ are there?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex perked up. ¡°Well obviously there¡¯s all the ear and tail and posture communication; that stuff is just going to take practice. Still getting an handle on how often I''m meant to be sniffing at people mid-conversation, too. And there¡¯s The Stare; I¡¯ve been working on The Stare.¡±


    Gero furrowed her brow, perhaps even more pleased to be talking about something else. ¡°What¡¯s this now?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s like what just happened with Elfy Pants! Everyone was doing their own thing, having a good time, and then the moment he made a big fuss?¡± Bex snapped her fingers. ¡°Everyone immediately doing The Stare. And then,¡±¨CShe snapped once more¨C¡±Immediately out of it again once he backed down. A kobold holding direct eye contact like that is a threat, and you guys can pop in and out of that threat scary fast.¡±


    Right, well, Shin had definitely done that at least seven or eight times with Ceril himself. Maybe other races weren¡¯t quite so willing to jump from civil conversation to genuine threats and back to civil conversation as kobolds were. ¡°Anything else?¡±


    ¡°Um, nothing huge? I feel like your culture is still kinda working itself out.¡± Almost as an afterthought, Bex tacked onto the end. ¡°Well. You guys like Big stuff. There is that.¡±


    ¡°What!¡± Shin and Gero shared an affronted look, the former pursing his lips in disapproval. ¡°We are not crazy about Big stuff anymore.¡±


    Bex snorted. ¡°Are you kidding me? I watched you sorting out your pet koi yesterday. You specifically picked out the four biggest ones; I don¡¯t think you even noticed their colors.¡±


    ¡°...Those were the four best ones.¡±


    ¡°Right, of course. My bad. And of course the whole village is built around a giant tower instead of some proper walls because¡­?¡±


    Shin tapped his finger emphatically on the table. ¡°It¡¯s a strategic structure and its size plays a vital role in village security.¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh. Oh hey!¡± She tilted up her bowl, presenting two pieces of pork to Shin and Gero. ¡°I¡¯m totally stuffed; do you guys want these last bits?¡± When both kobolds immediately reached for the larger piece, the Player made a little finger gun. ¡°Blam. Case Closed.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, pork is great and we both wanted more of it.¡± Gero popped the larger morsel into her mouth, unrepentant. ¡°I¡¯m willing to fight and die for that truth.¡±


    ¡°Here here~!¡± Bex banged her hand on the table in a show of approval. ¡°But yeah, just a little outsider perspective.¡± She straightened up, remembering the original purpose of this conversation. ¡°Oh right, about that! My Coins!¡±


    Right, about that. Shin leaned back, giving a rueful shrug. ¡°Well, Ceril might be a dreadful bore, but he wasn¡¯t entirely wrong, you know. I¡¯m pretty sure we don¡¯t have anything set up to¡­sell to you? Is that how this works?¡±


    ¡°Yeah I know that; Tribes don¡¯t get unique Favor Stores until they¡¯re Level Three. But I wanted stuff from the General Page anyway, and I can get those from you!¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Shin shifted on his cushion, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. ¡°Well, what do I do?¡±


    ¡°Just hold out your hand!¡± The kobold did so, and Bex produced one of her two coins. ¡°Gonna get the New Character Booster first; everyone says that¡¯s the best value.¡±


    She laid the otherworldly thing on Shin¡¯s outstretched palm, and the kobold did his best not to freak out as it absorbed itself into his flesh. Goddess that felt so weird. ¡°Um, okay? Do I just stay like this?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, just one sec~!¡± Bex¡¯s eyes had gone stark white as she read over some invisible prompt. ¡°Sorry, had to put my personal info in. Okay, and now what I really wanted: the Roleplayers¡¯ Mantle!¡±


    Shin tried as best as he could to hold back the urge to whimper as the second Coin sank into his hand, the two tokens dissolving inside his body and going¡­somewhere. Better say something or there¡¯s no hope. ¡°Roleplayer¡¯s Mantle?¡±


    Bex¡¯s eyes sparkled. ¡°Yeah it¡¯s super great! It¡¯s this mode you can toggle that makes it so NPCs see you as just another NPC, so you can get a real immersive experience. You guys already know me, but with this I could really be a part of Shinki Itten Village instead of just an outsider!¡±


    Gero raised her eyebrows. ¡°Wait, you mean Players with this¡­Mantle or whatever could just slip into our village, and we¡¯d have no way of knowing?¡±


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t worry. ¡°Bex waved her hand dismissively. ¡°You can¡¯t attack anything besides Monsters with it toggled on, unless you¡¯re attacked first or it¡¯s part of a Quest or something. It¡¯s basically only for people who really want to roleplay their characters, you know?¡±


    Gero very clearly did not know, but Shin was too distracted to help her out. Because the Royal Coins had flowed through his being to join the essence of the Tribe, and he¡¯d been made fully aware of the possibilities they granted.


    The range of possibilities are truly staggering. For one coin he could fill a Village Progress Bar. For two coins he could instantly max out a newly acquired Level One Settlement¡¯s Population. For five coins he...


    Huh. That option was actually grayed out. It seemed as if the full range of available purchases wasn''t open information until one actually had the Royal Coins to spend. There were, however, a few unredacted previews, clearly intended as a teaser for what a little bit of effort might bring.


    Okay, there. For five Coins, he could turn any zone without a Capital City into a Conquest node. For ten Coins  he could turn any zone into a Conquest node, though the screen helpfully pointed out that the opposing expenditure of Coins could cancel that out. Form there choices got even more varied and powerful as the price in Royal Coins went up. He could boost the entire Tribe¡¯s Experience for a time, he could add basic classes to the Tribe¡¯s selection¡­Shin scrolled through his options towards the bottom, picking something at random.


    Alright. For seventy five Royal Coins, Shin could cause an ancient dragon to permanently settle in the kobolds¡¯ home zone. He had no idea why he would want to do something like that, and at the same time knew all too well that he very much wanted to do something like that.


    He couldn¡¯t help noticing, however, that while a decent portion of the options were for the benefit of the Tribe, more than a few were strictly rewards for him personally. Most of them, actually. He was the one who¡¯d been given the Coins, and apparently if he wanted to spend those Coins selfishly? There was no way to stop him.


    It was¡­quite a temptation, obviously. But one he could comfortably avoid for now. Shin didn¡¯t know precisely how he was going to use these Royal Coins yet, but the gears were already turning as he began to puzzle out how this new piece could fit into his existing plans. ¡°Bex, we¡¯re going on a sort of exploratory mission tomorrow. Why don¡¯t you join us?¡±


    Bex gasped. ¡°Wait, really? Is this a Quest? Ooo, is this the Zone Storyline?!¡±


    Shin smiled back as he felt the first pieces beginning to snap together. ¡° Maybe. Maybe though, it will end up being the entire World¡¯s storyline.¡±


    Mimi immediately began writing that down.

 28. Further and Further Away From Home

    Bex hefted her backpack, scowling over her shoulder at Gero. ¡°I still say you should give me another shot.¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± The big kobold could not be swayed. ¡°You get one shot at lifting the club until the next full moon.¡¯


    ¡°That was just a warm-up, though!¡± Bex insisted, batting aside a stray branch as the group made their way through the forest home of the Razed elven waystation. ¡°I just gotta do a few quick stretches and then blam, I¡¯m lifting that club, baby!¡±


    ¡°Sure, absolutely.¡± Gero flicked the honorary kobold in the back of the head. ¡°Next full moon.¡±


    "How about this," Bex countered. "I take one more shot at lifting the club, and you get to be my best friend."


    Gero cocked an eyebrow. "How about you take another shot at the next full moon, and I will consider agreeing to be your best friend."


    ¡°I get it,¡± Supu offered, the hulking dog-mountain folding his ears sympathetically at the pouting Player. ¡°I can¡¯t lift it, either.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Bex glanced over the empathetic kobold, noting that he was several feet of solid muscle both vertically and horizontally. ¡°Crap. I gotta put more points into Strength.¡±


    ¡°So are you a Physical-type class, then?¡± Shin assumed Players weren¡¯t assigned classes in the same way he and his companions were, but the full details were still murky. ¡°Or do you still not have one?¡±


    ¡°Mm, Players are just ¡®Adventurers¡¯ until Level Five. Then you get a Class Selection based on a bunch of stuff.¡± Bex began ticking factors off on her fingers. ¡°Stats, quests, who you¡¯ve been hanging around¡­pretty much anything can wind up being important.¡±


    Okay. Shin liked his class? But the Player way of doing things was, as usual, fascinating. ¡°So can you brute force certain classes?¡±


    ¡°Kinda! For the basic ones, at least. Like, if you really want to be a Mage, getting Experience by reading books on magic will usually let you at least become a basic Caster. That''s a Standard Class though; only the real casuals wind up with those. Passing a test and getting admitted to the Magica School of Magic and Magicry is enough to get upgraded to a Rare Wizard. And there are a lot of weird Classes with even more involved requirements.¡±


    ¡°Such as¡­?¡±


    ¡°Hm. Oh!¡± Bex perked up, flashing a cheeky grin. ¡°Okay, so there¡¯s this one Epic Class called Dashing Scoundrel? It¡¯s like a Rogue offshoot, uses Presence for everything, like B minus-ish in the tier ranking? But it''s one of the only Classes above Rare with a confirmed walkthrough available for free online, so lots of Players go for it. The final requirement for that one is stealing a kiss from the Faction Leader of a Kingdom.¡±


    Gero snorted a laugh at that as Momo held a hand over her mouth, eyebrows rising in amused disbelief. ¡°They really have to do that?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, definitely. People are always trying to run up and kiss King Majesty and just getting immediately beheaded; it¡¯s super hilarious. I¡¯ve got a great mash-up of it; Iemme send you a link to¨C¡±


    Bex trailed off, prompting Momo to tilt her head. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Nothing, it¡¯s just¡­¡± She frowned for a moment, then managed a rueful shrug. ¡°I dunno. I keep forgetting you guys are¡­uh, well. Yeah. It¡¯s just a little weird sometimes.¡±


    The girl was clearly uncomfortable with the subject, and frankly? Shin didn¡¯t mind changing the subject one bit. This sort of talk made his brain start to itch. ¡°Well, Bex, you could always just take lessons from me instead of Gero. Then you could just forget about Strength entirely!¡±


    ¡°Haha, aww, thanks! But I want to hit stuff.¡±


    Gero beamed down at Bex before offering Shin a lordly look. ¡°She¡¯s a smart girl, Shin. She¡¯s got taste.¡±


    Shin wouldn¡¯t give up that easily. If he couldn¡¯t get a Class Selection of his own, he¡¯d just use Bex as his cat¡¯s paw. Er, dog''s paw. Whatever. ¡°You could do both, couldn¡¯t you? Maybe you¡¯d get some sort of melee-combat leader class?¡±


    Bex wouldn¡¯t be moved, just as resolute as her would-be mentor. ¡°Nah, I¡¯m already taking lessons with Priestess Momo, too? My friend says if you cast too wide of a net you risk not hitting any upgraded classes. Besides,¡±¨CShe made a bit of a face¨C¡±I don¡¯t like playing Bards very much.¡±


    Shin stared at Bex for a moment, his lips pursed. And then he raised an eyebrow at the exceptionally pleased-looking Gero. ¡°You told her to say that, didn¡¯t you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, absolutely.¡±


    Hanbun piped in, her scouting circuit having weaved her momentarily back within range of the conversation. ¡°You¡¯re studying at the Shrine? I didn¡¯t know you were interested in the Great Mother.¡±


    ¡°Oh dude, I am all about Tasan Okaa! She¡¯s the whole reason I found you guys in the first place!¡¯


    That was new information. The timing checked out, though; they¡¯d created their Goddess in the morning, and Bex had appeared that very night. ¡°How¡¯d that work?¡±


    Bex took a few moments before responding, seemingly trying to decide the best way to navigate her answer. ¡°Okay, so, because of the Edition I have, I got to make an Advanced Start?¡± She glanced around and could see she¡¯d already lost practically everyone. ¡°Right, lemme start over. I wanted to show up in a Tribe that had a Deity with as few Mandates as possible, and Tasan Okaa was the only one who had none.¡±


    Ceril scoffed, apparently deciding this was his moment to make his grand entrance into the conversation. ¡°This Dog Goddess must be incredibly weak, then. The Pantheon of the Oaken Elves is as myriad as the leaves of the trees, and they all have an enormous amount of Mandates!¡¯


    ¡°Uh yeah, I know.¡± Bex rolled her eyes. ¡°You can¡¯t do literally anything for one Oaken Elf God that doesn¡¯t mortally offend three other Oaken Elf Gods. That¡¯s part of why no one rolls Oaken Elves.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist asking. ¡°What other reason is there?¡±


    Bex balked at the silliness of the question. ¡°The other reason is that Wood Elves exist? So¡­why do that, ever?¡±


    Ceril immediately decided this was the moment to make his grand exit from the conversation, muttering something about the War Among Trees and pride and proper branding under his breath. Shin couldn¡¯t fully enjoy witnessing the obnoxious elf getting slammed down on, however. Bex had said something that gave him pause. ¡°So does that mean anyone can see that our Goddess is all reward, no risk?¡±


    ¡°Welll~, maybe?¡± Bex shrugged. ¡°They¡¯d have to have a Special Edi-uh, have special access to all the options first? Which, sure, is like maybe fifteen million people?¡±If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Fifteen Million. That was the Biggest number Shin had ever heard. If anyone had ever said that number to Shh the Mongrel, he would have immediately gone and found a hole to lay down and die in. Because nothing in life would ever be better than that.


    At the moment, however, its Bigness was more a cause for concern than celebration. ¡°With that many people, shouldn¡¯t we be flooded with Players by now?¡±


    ¡°Oh nah.¡± A few of the other kobolds let out sighs of relief as Bex explained her reasoning. ¡°First off, most of those Players already have characters, and Magica is super alt-unfriendly. And the System made like twelve specific recommendations before I managed to find the option for Shinki Itten. I think you¡¯re pretty safely hidden, for now.¡±


    All of that had sounded good, right up until that last bit. ¡°For now, you say.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. If the kobold Goddess is as optimized as I think she might be, people are gonna find out. Magica¡¯s already been min/maxed to hell, and if I¡¯ve found gold then other people are gonna come with shovels of their own.¡± Bex seemed inordinately excited by the prospect. ¡°Who knows? Kobolds might wind up being the new meta.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t want to be the new meta. The old meta was great; let the old meta keep doing its thing. But there was no use worrying about tomorrow¡¯s headaches today. Besides, the perpetually burning ruins meant they¡¯d reached the Razed waystation, and the end of the zone. ¡°Alright, we¡¯re here.¡±


    ¡°Hmph.¡± Ceril¡¯s mouth turned into a hard, thin line as he took in the ravaged state of his one-time post. ¡°Hmph.¡±


    ¡°Yes Ceril, it¡¯s a tragedy what happened here.¡± Shin crane his head around, confirming that the elf was still unwilling to make eye contact with him. ¡°Who could have committed this travesty?¡±


    ¡°A Red Player.¡± the hapless Oaken Elf mumbled, any emotion beyond hangdog defeat quickly draining out of him. ¡°A Red Player did this, for sure.¡±


    ¡°Hm, you know what? I think you¡¯re right.¡± The Schemer gave Ceril a pat on the back, causing him to flinch so hard he nearly ripped out of his own skin. ¡°You¡¯re like a detective or something.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m definitely something¡­¡± Ceril muttered under his breath. No other insight appeared to be forthcoming.


    Gero turned towards Hanbun and Supu, the two warriors standing smartly at attention as she addressed them and the small contingent of kobold combatants they led. ¡°You know what to do?¡±


    Hanbun immediately nodded. ¡°We keep watch on the zone exit and entrance, and we are to be politely suspicious of anyone we may find!¡±


    ¡°Good. Stay in contact with your counterparts at the barrier to our zone, and keep our people safe.¡± The two kobolds nodded in acknowledgement, efficiently turning to their task as Gero rejoined the rest of the group. ¡°So that¡¯s us, then?¡±


    Momo seemed a bit apprehensive. ¡°You¡¯re sure we don¡¯t need more people, Shin?¡±


    Her concerns weren¡¯t unfounded. In addition to herself, Shin and Gero, their group only consisted of three Archers and Koda, the stoic blacksmith. And Mimi, naturally, although the chances of the scribe doing anything besides jotting down whatever Shin said that even bordered on being witty were low.


    It didn¡¯t help that their plan was to seek out a meeting with a faction that they¡¯d had nothing but hostile encounters with so far, either.


    Still, Shin was confident. ¡°When the time comes, Momo, we¡¯ll have all the people we need.¡±


    Mimi considered that, tapping his quill against his lip. And at length, he decided that was not witty enough to record for posterity. Shin couldn¡¯t blame him.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Two whole zones beyond their own. Even as a mongrel, Shin had wished for the world. But back then, the ¡®world¡¯ was just the forest of his birth, and not necessarily all of it at that. Now, once again, he found himself having gone further than any mongrel ever had before.


    He assumed, at least. It was technically possible that there had been a mongrel who, long before Shin had ever popped, managed to somehow make it a zone over so they could be killed by boars instead of guards. Before Shin and his pack had finally broken the cyclical harvest of mongrel lives, practically any knowledge of previous generations was invariably lost to the wind.


    It still seemed unlikely, but Shin resolved to keep his eyes open and his nose sniffing for any sign of this theoretical mongrel folk hero.


    There was no sign of them here, though. This zone appeared to be a continuation of the last, another idyllic forest framing the grand majesty of the river as it churned powerfully towards Shinki Itten Village. Ceril breezily informed Shin and the group that this zone was much like the two before it, having only a pair of exits and entrances. Unlike them, however, it lacked a Conquest Node.


    ¡°Does this zone have some guided purpose?¡± Momo asked, watching in awe as fireflies lit up the misty dusk evening. ¡°Or is it just a really nice place?¡±


    ¡°Resource Hub,¡± Ceril mumbled. ¡°The deer here are good for Leather, and there are a decent amount of Intermediate Herb Nodes.¡±


    ¡°The next Conquest Node is one more zone further?¡± Ceril nodded, and Shin unburdened himself of his backpack. ¡°Okay. Well, I think we should probably camp for the night while we¡¯re still within reach of the others. Agreed?¡± He glanced around, the others all voicing their approval. ¡°Alright then. Who has the first watch?¡±


    One of the archers, a copper-haired fellow by the name of Colbe, raised his hand. ¡°Me.¡±


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll relieve you after an hour and a half, and then we¡¯ll go through the usual rotation. Shoot Ceril in the back if he tries to run, okay?¡± Nods all around and a bit of light heaving from the elf. ¡°Okay. Let¡¯s get some rest.¡±


    ¡°Gosh, this is weirdly exciting~,¡± Bex gushed, pulling a small pouch from her knapsack that began to open up into a sleeping bag once it was placed on the ground. ¡°It¡¯s like we¡¯re having a slumber party or something. I haven¡¯t had one of those since middle school. Hopefully this time no one¡¯ll call their dad to come pick them uuuh!¡±


    Momo raised her eyebrows in concern. ¡°Bex? What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    The Player erupted in flaming scarlet, eyes darting about madly as she simultaneously tried to gawk and avoid eye contact with anything. ¡°W-what are you guys doing?¡±


    Shin frowned, exchanging curious glances with the others. As soon as the call for sleep had been made, the kobolds had immediately found a relatively soft place on the ground, stripped down, and curled up together in a giant ball. Pretty standard stuff. ¡°Sleeping?¡±


    ¡°I, but, you¨C!¡± Bex trailed off in an embarrassed huff, scowling in disbelief at Shin. ¡°You get all blushy and awkward from even a little flirting, but you¡¯re seriously cool with using each other as living pillows all night?¡±


    Gero craned her head out of the kobold ball long enough to share a dismissive look with Shin. Bex seemed like a nice girl, and she was clearly leagues better than any other Player they¡¯d ever met? But even still, she had some strange hang-ups. ¡°There¡¯s still plenty of room, if that¡¯s your worry,¡± Gero offered. ¡°You could definitely squeeze in over¨C¡±


    ¡°No, thanks, I¡¯m fine, God.¡± Bex started back towards her sleeping bag, only to stop in her tracks when she felt Ceril¡¯s eyes on her. ¡°Um, what?¡±


    The elf smirked triumphantly. ¡°See? I knew you''re more like me than you are like those people.¡±


    Bex balked. ¡°Oh God I¡¯m the one calling my dad to come pick me up! Oh yuck.¡± She snatched up her sleeping bag and dragged it over to the night time pile, wriggling into the bedding and then plopping her head onto one of Gero¡¯s legs as a pillow. ¡°There. This is an adventure, so I¡¯m meeting you halfway. I¡¯d better still be one of the cool kids.¡±


    Shin had no idea what that meant. But he still kinda did. ¡°You absolutely are.¡±


    ¡°Yeah I am, and don¡¯t you forget it.¡±


    Despite her protestations, Bex was soon as soundly asleep as the rest of the pack. But not Shin. He was wide awake as he stared up at the night sky, comforted by the warmth and breathing of his packmates yet restless all the same. Things were nice right now. Good friends exploring a new zone, working through fascinating ideas and discoveries¡­it all still felt innocent, in a way. Like they still had a connection to those blameless, if troubled, days they spent as mongrels.


    Shin couldn¡¯t know for sure, but he had his suspicions about what might happen when they crossed into the next zone. And if those suspicions were correct, he knew that these innocent days were going to be in short supply. Maybe lost forever.


    So he simply stared up at the sky, willing this moment to last as long as it could. Because once it was gone, there would be no looking back.

 29. The Schemer and the General

    Through a combination of browbeating Ceril into acquiescence and flattering him into revealing more than he should, Shin had managed to get a fairly well-sketched idea of what lay in the zone ahead. The elf was tongue-tied while cowed and took liberties while bragging, but after winnowing away all the nonsense and dreck Shin¡¯s knowledge of the zone ranged from geographic layout to general importance to the name of the elf who supposedly commanded there.


    In the zone ahead, the lush woodlands they¡¯d found in the last two areas briefly gave way to a stretch of plains, clear cut to allow three great roads to converge on a fortress that guarded the exit north. One path led back into deep forest and the city of Quercus. The other two? Further and onward into the greater world.


    Two zones. There had only been two zones between the mongrels¡¯ home and the gateway to the rest of the world. Shin wasn¡¯t sure if that made him more excited, or annoyed, or nervous. Probably all three.


    But the larger point was that from this single zone, the kobolds could control and watch any movement that might be headed their way. And once they rebuilt the former waystation, they could have a reasonable series of redoubts protecting Shinki Itten from outside aggression. Shin knew that they could never be fully safe, not in a world with beings like the Players running around? But for now, he¡¯d settle for safer.


    But only if they could gain control of this zone. Shin had a few ideas on that matter. Some of them were a bit fanciful, others slower to complete than he¡¯d have preferred. More than a few would not be pretty work. What the specific plan ended up being was entirely nebulous until he had more specific context for the situation in the field, but at least they weren¡¯t going in blind.


    Call it pride. Call it rosy prospection. Call it the insidious effects of too much Presence. But for better or worse, Shin was confident. So he shared one final look with his pack, even offering Ceril a companionable nod. And then they all stepped through the barrier to the zone as one.


    And immediately found themselves face-to-face with a quite startled-looking Oaken Elf general, clad in full battle regalia as he and a detachment of at least twenty elven warriors found their attempt to exit the zone halted by the sudden appearance of a half-dozen kobolds.


    The general, understandably, was a bit taken aback. ¡°Wha¨C¡±


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    Opportunism: Parley


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    Shin quickly held up his hands, attempting to put the flustered elves at ease. ¡°We¡¯re friendly; we¡¯re friendly! Are you Lord Derinal?¡±


    The Oaken Elf general didn¡¯t pull his sword any further out of its sheath, a few inches of steel glimmering in the sunlight. Though Shin noted that he didn¡¯t resheath the blade either. ¡°Who are you?¡± The elf questioned, his eyes narrowing at the strange crew arranged before him. ¡°What are you doing here?¡±


    The kobold gestured towards Ceril, the elven prisoner goggling a confused stare at the general. ¡°We were bringing one of yours back. He said he was a Prince?¡±


    The general stared blankly at Ceril for a moment, then called out to his men without taking his eyes off the group before him. ¡°Do any of you recognize this elf? Or these¡­people?¡±


    One of the other Oaken Elves, a captain judging by the tassel on his shoulder, raised his voice. ¡°That¡¯s Prince Ceril. Twelfth Prince. He was one of the Rangers at the waystation to the north. No idea who the dog people are.¡±


    Shin cut back in. ¡°We¡¯re kobolds; we just popped in the zone all the way to the north. We found Prince Ceril collapsed at the entrance of our zone a few days ago.¡±


    The elves processed that for a moment, the general glancing over at the captain. ¡°Kobolds?¡±


    ¡°I think they¡¯re evolved mongrels¡­¡± The captain started, unsure if he should be amused or awed or suspicious, ¡°Didn¡¯t know mongrels could do that, though.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The general turned his gaze back on Ceril, carefully weighing what he saw. ¡°Is that what happened?¡±


    Shin honestly had no idea if Ceril would go along with what he¡¯d been told to say or whether he¡¯d attempt to rat them out immediately. The Schemer would have preferred to not have to activate his contingency just yet, but if push came to shove¡­


    Ceril¡¯s response put an end to the need for speculation. ¡°The waystation was attacked by a Red Player. Razed. I¡¯m the only one who made it.¡±


    The general¡¯s lip curled in something bordering on distaste. ¡°You didn¡¯t fight with your fellow rangers, then?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Ceril scowled, his back stiffening as he seemingly rediscovered the existence of his own spine. ¡°It was a Red Player. Have you ever seen one of those? And besides, where is Lord Derinal? I have to give my report to him, so if you¡¯ll¨C¡±


    ¡°Derinal¡¯s dead. I¡¯m his replacement.¡± The elven general sheathed his sword the rest of the way, shooting Shin a meaningful look. ¡°I just popped into this trees-damned shitshow, too. Follow me.¡±


    And with that he turned, waving for the kobolds to fall in line as he led his troops back into the zone proper. Shin¡¯s mind was already racing as they began to move; Derinal was dead, was he? Clearly something was already afoot here. That might complicate things.


    That being said. A complication was merely an opportunity for improvisation. This could prove to be the crack that allowed Shin to gain his toehold in this zone. He¡¯d just have to wait and see.


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    The fortress that was the central focus of both the zone and Shin¡¯s plan was just a short march further up the path, but instead their Oaken Elf hosts led them to an ad hoc encampment that had been raised a sizable distance from the structure itself. The camp was bustling with activity, elves clad in mail armor drilling with spears and bows as the general led them into the dead center of the activity.


    An elf in an officers¡¯ uniform rushed to the general¡¯s side as he approached, carrying an arrow so massive that it was very nearly a spear. And curiously, there was a note impaled upon it. ¡°General Wren, they¡¯ve sent another¨C¡±


    Wren ripped the note off of the arrow, giving it a quick scan before crumbling it up and shoving it into his pocket. ¡°Stay there, Quartermaster. I want you to listen in on this.¡± He then bent down to snag a stool from outside a tent, plopped it down in the middle of the camp, and stuck two fingers in his mouth to give a piercingly loud whistle.


    As General Wren settled down in his chair, and the eyes of every soldier in the encampment turned to stare at the odd strangers who were now in their midst, it occurred to Shin that the general¡¯s invitation had not been a sign of trust. Far from it. He simply wanted to question them in a place with more weapons pointed their way and more ears to discern potential lies.


    Shin realized then that, maybe for the first time in his life, he wasn¡¯t dealing with an absolute fool. How exhilarating.


    General Wren folded his arms, then turned his cold eyes on the members of the group one at a time. Bex must have had her Roleplayer¡¯s Mantle activated, because the commanding elf glanced right past the Player as if she was no different than the kobolds to either side of her. Eventually, his firm gaze landed on Shin. ¡°Tell me about this Red Player of yours.¡±


    Good, Shin could start with the lies that were heavily cut with truth. ¡°They came through our zone about a week ago. There wasn¡¯t much to do in our zone then, and they must have gotten bored? Because they attacked the zone¡¯s Quest Giver.¡±


    Wren digested that for a moment before raising his voice for the benefit of his quartermaster, not taking his eyes off of Shin for a second. ¡°What¡¯s the info on the zone he¡¯s talking about?¡±


    ¡°Well, not much.¡± The elf adjusted his spectacles, pulling up a prompt of some sort. ¡°Mongrels, non-vital human Conquest Hub. One quest, but¡­¡± He trailed off, adjusting his glasses again. ¡°But the records have it marked out. The quest is no longer active.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± Wren leaned back, arms folded across his chest. ¡°What did these Players look like?¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t need to be able to act to convey extreme disgust. ¡°Ugh, awful. Their mouths were too wide and they had little gross eyes, and they looked exactly like one another.¡± He shook himself, legitimately unnerved by the mere thought of them. ¡°Just terrible.¡±


    The quartermaster piped in. ¡°The logs from the waystation back that up; the captain there clearly indicated the last two Players to pass through were No Ones.¡±


    ¡°Right. And then a few days later he sends a bird about the Red Player.¡° Wren rocked back on his stool¡¯s legs, thoughtfully sucking on a tooth before glancing in Shin¡¯s direction again. ¡°You¡¯re kobolds, you said?¡± When Shin nodded, Wren leaned forward. ¡°How did you evolve?¡±


    Sometimes the best answer was not to give one. ¡°I have no idea.¡±This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Wren rose up from that, clearly satisfied with the answer as he offered an almost amiable shrug. ¡°Hell if I don¡¯t know what that¡¯s like.¡± He took stock of the assembled kobolds again, now seeming as if he was analyzing a potential asset rather than staying wary of a possible threat. ¡°So you¡¯ve brought our Prince back to us, then? And you¡¯re here to help?¡±


    Shin nodded as Momo raised her voice, sensing that the time where a single voice was strictly needed had passed. ¡°That¡¯s right, though it seems like things are worse than we¡¯d assumed?¡±


    ¡°Lady, you don¡¯t know the half of it.¡± He waved his hand, and prompts popped up before every kobold. ¡°Here, join the group.¡±


    Shin, Gero and Momo shared a glance, and once a silent agreement was reached they all clicked Yes on the proffered invitation. Wren immediately flicked his hand and began to scan something, rubbing thoughtfully at his chin. The silence dragged on and on, long enough that Shin finally felt like he had to say something. ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    The Oaken Elf general replied without moving his eyes. ¡°Reading your Status Screens.¡±


    Shin heard himself sputtering out a response before he could restrain himself. ¡°You can do that?!¡±


    The kobold¡¯s outburst managed to draw a response from Wrenn, the normally taciturn elf rumbling out a wry chuckle. ¡°We might have both just popped, but I guess I know a few tricks you don¡¯t, eh? Don¡¯t worry; I can only see your stats, traits and skills.¡±


    That¡­okay, that wasn¡¯t so bad then. Shin absolutely did not want anyone reading his Description, let alone an elven general he¡¯d just met who could absolutely have them all impaled at the snap of a finger. Everything else was probably fine? His full suite of Opportunism options were hidden within another menu, and they weren¡¯t relying on any secrets in anyone else¡¯s sheets.


    It didn¡¯t hurt that their class info had recently become more respectable, either. Momo had been upgraded from a Speaker to a Priestess, and Gero had moved on to a Bruiser. Most important was his own semi-official upgrade from Schemer to Tactician; he didn¡¯t know General Wren very well, but Shin had seen enough to assume he was not the sort to trust Schemers.


    As Wren silently absorbed the class sheets of the kobolds, Shin took a moment to give the General''s camp a quick inspection. And he had to admit: this was a significant step up from anything he''d previously seen from the Oaken Elves. Discipled soldiers dutifully working through drills, a clean staging ground with proper sight lines and guard postings...if Shin had come across these elves ay the waypost, he had to imagine he wouldn''t have had such an easy time scattering them.


    Of course, it was also possible that there wouldn''t have been a need to. Call it intuition, but Shin had a hunch that unlike Ceril and his late captain, Wren was not the sort who refused to listen to reason.


    Through Shin''s inward assessment of his men, Wren remained silent, only speaking when he reached the Status Screen of someone out of place. ¡°You brought a Villager with you?¡±


    ¡°Koda¡¯s our Blacksmith. We thought he could help restore the waystation. Besides, aren¡¯t Oaken Elves the masters of metalcraft? We thought the chance for our village smith to learn from true craftsmen was too rare to pass up.¡±


    ¡°Pfft!¡± Wrenn let out an amused breath. ¡°Good, that¡¯s good stuff. You¡¯ve certainly prepared for this meeting.¡± He cocked an eyebrow at Ceril, turning his evaluating gaze on his own Prince this time. ¡°I just wonder if he told you that you should flatter us? Or if you¡¯ve just been around him long enough to have figured that out for yourselves.¡±


    A brief flash of concern spiked through Shin¡¯s chest. ¡°We¨C¡±


    ¡°No, no; I don¡¯t blame you.¡± The general held up a reassuring hand. ¡°I was only in Quercus for half a day, but I also¨C¡±


    ¡°General Wren!¡±


    The stoic elf sighed, rubbing at his temple. ¡°Perfect timing.¡±


    The flaps of the tent burst open, revealing a pair of deeply affronted Oaken Elf officers. Their uniforms were ornate and ostentatious, significantly grander than the one worn by the general despite the fact that their tassels marked them as mere majors. Unimpeded by the gulf in rank, both elves marched straight up to their superior officer, completely ignoring the kobolds as the shorter of the two shook a finger at Wren. ¡°Once again: the Lady demands that you allow her to return to Quercus at once! She simply cannot be absent from the Ever-Growing City for a moment longer!


    Wren/s mouth was as hard and sharp as a dagger¡¯s edge. ¡°She can¡¯t go. I need to access her Royal Coins.¡±


    The taller elf huffed and puffed. ¡°My dear Wren, the Lady¨C¡±


    ¡°General Wren.¡±


    The major rolled his eyes. ¡°General Wren, you had no right to conscript the Lady for this, this¡­this lark!¡±


    ¡°Lark?¡± The general stepped forward, towering over both of his underlings. ¡°The protection of our people is a lark?¡±


    ¡°Oh pish posh; you¡¯re always so dramatic.¡± The short elf waved his hand dismissively. ¡°Look, just get this done already, will you? Retake the fortress and spend your Coins so the Lady can¡­¡± He trailed off, finally noticing the kobolds. ¡°Who are these¨C?!¡± He finally noticed the elf in their company. ¡°Prince Ceril?!¡±


    Ceril drew himself up, intensely pleased to have finally been recognized. ¡°Indeed, I am¨C¡±


    The taller elf cut in. ¡°You didn¡¯t get slaughtered?¡±


    Ceril blinked. ¡°Um, no?¡±


    The two majors shared a glance, shrugged, and then promptly went back to ignoring the prince. The tall one¡¯s lip curled as he eyed the kobolds up and down, one hand wrapping around the hilt of the dagger he had clearly never used. ¡°And the reason these beasts are among us is¡­?¡±


    ¡°They brought their smith.¡± Wren deadpanned. ¡°He¡¯s here to learn at the feet of the masters of metalcraft.¡±


    ¡°Ha! I say, haha!¡± The elf clutched at his belly as he chortled, his shorter compatriot beaming in arrogant pride. ¡°That¡¯s true; too true! But what use would there be in showing an animal our enlightened techniques?¡±


    Wren eyed Shin, clearly waiting to see how the kobold would respond. Interesting. ¡°The distance between us may be too great, it¡¯s true. But if one is to grow, mustn¡¯t their reach exceed their grasp?¡±


    The brows of the two elves furrowed, failing to grasp Shin¡¯s meaning and clearly opting to take it as mockery. The short elf scowled at Mimasu as the scribe quickly began to scratch down Shin¡¯s statement. ¡°What is he doing?¡±


    ¡°Our scribe!¡± Shin adopted his most ingratiating smile, recognizing this as his last chance to smooth things over. ¡°We wanted to record every moment of our first meeting with the Proud Oaken Elves, so that every word and deed may be poured over by generations to come!¡±


    The majors certainly understood that. Both elves practically exploded with self-indulgent pride at Shin¡¯s flattery, any thoughts or concerns they might have previously had stricken from their hearts by the Schemer¡¯s obsequious words. ¡°Well good!¡± The taller one preened, reaching out to give Shin an entirely unwelcome pat on the head. ¡°These dogs know their place.¡±


    ¡°Unlike some people.¡± The shorter one remarked, unsubtly side-eyeing his general. ¡°Some people whom I won¡¯t specify.¡±


    General Wren grunted. ¡°Both of you get the fuck out of here.¡±


    The two elves shared a deeply aggrieved look, their previous pleasure already discarded for their new, intensely offended state of minds. ¡°Well. I say, well.¡± The tall one turned back towards the tent, his nose lifted arrogantly. ¡°Clearly one cannot learn proper decorum or dignity without the proper time spent at court. So let me simply repeat that the Lady wishes to leave immediately, and bwah~!!¡±


    The officer squawked as Wren put a boot into his backside, giving him a kick that sent him tumbling back into the tent as his companion yelped and hurried after him. The general spat on the ground, his eyes hard as he stared at the tent in distaste. ¡°I swear, everyone who spends two days in Quercus winds up just like them. If I never go back there, more¡¯s the better. Fuck.¡±


    Gero offered a low whistle. ¡°Nice kick.¡±


    The general straightened, his voice back to its usual professional timbre. ¡°Thank you.¡± He turned back towards the kobolds, silently motioning for Shin to step closer. Once he had, the elf spoke in a voice for his ears only. ¡°Listen. You want to help, do you?¡±


    Shin matched the general¡¯s tone. ¡°Possibly. If you tell me what you need help with.¡±


    The ghost of a smile flashed across Wren¡¯s eyes. ¡°I popped two days ago because the previous general of this zone was killed and its Conquest Zone was Claimed. We¡¯d thought it was your Red Player, but,¡±¨CHe held up the massive arrow¨C¡±They¡¯ve been shooting demands for a parley at us ever since we arrived. I haven¡¯t been around for long, but even I know Red Players don¡¯t parley.¡±


    Shin nodded slowly. ¡°And how did you see us helping with that?¡±


    ¡°Son, you do know what you just talked yourself out of, right?¡± Wren jerked his head towards the tent. ¡°Those two were moments away from ordering the men to turn their spears on the lot of you. And they absolutely would have done it.¡±


    ¡°True.¡±


    ¡°Now, if the occupiers of my fortress had wanted a fight? I¡¯m more than prepared to give them one. But it seems like they want to talk instead. So what do you say?¡± The general extended a hand. ¡°Feel like doing a bit more talking today?¡±


    After a moment¡¯s hesitation, Shin took the offered handshake. He¡¯d been right; General Wren was absolutely not a fool. And to his surprise, Shin was discovering he liked the elf as well.


    Shit. Forget things getting complicated. This whole situation was shaping up to be messy as hell.

 30. Under the Flag of Truce

    Choro couldn¡¯t contain the anxious wagging of his tail as the group gathered at the edge of the Oaken Elf camp. ¡°Are you sure about this, Shin?¡±


    Woof, was that ever the wrong question. Shin wasn¡¯t ever truly sure about anything. Though he was close to as sure as he could possibly be that saying otherwise would have been a poor choice. ¡°I think so,¡± he started, giving the archer a comforting pat on the shoulder, ¡°Whoever¡¯s in that fort, I¡¯m guessing they really do want to talk. For now, at least.¡±


    ¡°They may truly want a peaceful way to resolve this,¡± Momo opined as she worked her way down the line of kobolds, marking a protective sigil on each one. ¡°If so, we need to try and help them find it. It¡¯s the right thing to do.¡±


    ¡°Yeah maybe.¡± Gero didn¡¯t seem convinced. ¡°But what if it¡¯s just a trap?¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t make sense. There are too many elves here for a false parley ploy to put a dent in their numbers. My guess is they either want to negotiate in good faith, or are just trying to play for more time.¡± Shin shrugged. ¡°Either way, as long as we mind our manners? I¡¯m confident we¡¯ll walk away from this.¡±


    Gero frowned, shielding her eyes from the sun as she inspected the fortress again. ¡°Alright. Well Momo can look for her peaceful solution, you focus on us walking away from all of this, and I¡¯ll be ready to smash anything within club range if we can¡¯t.¡±


    Shin grinned. ¡°Teamwork. I like it.¡±


    General Wren approached with Ceril and the two Oaken Elf majors in tow, the commander affixing a white banner to a pole. ¡°Is your group ready?¡±


    ¡°Seems that way.¡± Shin took hold of the banner when Wren offered it. ¡°Is there anything else we should know about what¡¯s waiting for us?¡±


    ¡°Whoever they are, they fire giant trees-damned arrows. So maybe no sudden movements.¡± Wren reconsidered. ¡°Unless they decide to fire one at you. Then you should try extremely sudden movements.¡±


    ¡°Sound advice.¡± Shin gave the truce banner an experimental wave, wondering if the flimsy white flag could truly stop a damned ballista bolt. ¡°Can you give us any support through our group link?¡±


    ¡°A little. I¡¯ll be¨C¡±


    ¡°Actually,¡±¨CPrince Ceril cut in¨C¡±Maybe it would be better if they left the group?¡±


    Ohho? Was Ceril finally making his play? Interesting. Very interesting.


    If General Wren shared Shin¡¯s curiosity, he didn¡¯t show it. ¡°Why?¡± He leveled his icy gaze on Ceril, a single eyebrow questioningly raised. ¡°You want to send your saviors in unsupported?¡±


    The two majors immediately sputtered in outrage, the taller of the two admonishing Wren. ¡°How dare you, sir! When a Prince makes a suggestion, it is in fact an ORDER!¡±


    To Shin¡¯s surprise, Ceril held up a hand at that. ¡°No no, I understand completely. The General is a fighting man, and he only wants the best for those fighting beside him. I would never give such a man an order that ran against his morals.¡±


    Oh wow. It seemed as if the elven prince had actually learned something about persuasion during his time as Shin¡¯s prisoner. How fascinating.


    His tactic certainly seemed effective against Wren, the general clearly unused to interacting with members of Oaken Elf nobility who were capable of more than shrieking demands and pouting. ¡°Why break the group, then?¡±


    ¡°I just thought it would make it all the clearer that we were sending a neutral third party to negotiate.¡± Ceril raised a hand to indicate Shin and the other kobolds. ¡°If they¡¯re still grouped with us, won¡¯t it seem as if we¡¯re planning to turn their offer of parley into a sneak attack?¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Wren rubbed at his chin, considering that. At length, he turned towards Shin. ¡°What do you think?¡±


    Shin knew exactly what he thought. And he knew precisely how to confirm it. The kobold shifted his head slightly, catching Ceril¡¯s eyes. Too eager, too desperate, trying too hard to hide it. Yup. ¡°It makes sense. Let¡¯s try it.¡±


    Ceril¡¯s eyes immediately flared in a burst of triumph he couldn¡¯t mask quite quick enough. There it was. He may have learned a few things from Shin, but he hadn¡¯t learned enough.


    Wren selected something on a prompt, and the bond between the kobolds and the Oaken Elves fell away. ¡°Alright. It¡¯s done.¡± He extended a hand, offering Shin a nod when he clasped it. ¡°Just get out of there if a fight is unavoidable, alright? Fighting is my end of the bargain.¡±


    If only he knew. Sometimes, Shin noted, being right all of the time wasn¡¯t as fun as it usually was.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªEnsure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    Gero squinted up at the fortress, trying to catch sight of the blurry figures that occasionally peeked from behind the parapets. ¡°Why hasn¡¯t anything happened yet¡±


    Shin pursed his lips. ¡°Not sure. They might not have any clear leadership back there.¡±


    ¡°I think it¡¯s the flag,¡± Karikari declared. ¡°Bex is waving it too aggressively.¡±


    ¡°Oh shoot!¡± Bex pulled back on her enthusiastic brandishing of the truce banner, adopting a less frenetic pace. ¡°Is that better? This is trustworthy waving, right? I¡¯ve never done this before but I¡¯m so dang excited to be doing this you guys, for real.¡±


    Maybe it was the more conciliatory flag tone, but soon after a voice called down from the ramparts of the fortress. ¡°You¡¯re not elves!¡±


    Well whoever had taken over the Conquest Node was confirmed to have eyes. So that was a start. Shin cupped a hand around his mouth, calling back. ¡°We¡¯re not!¡±


    ¡°Why are you with them, then!¡±


    This time Momo responded. ¡°We¡¯re not with either side! We want to help mediate a truce!¡±


    That prompted another long pause from the walls of the fortress, several minutes passing before the voice called out again. ¡°If you want to come in, you have to let us take your weapons first. Otherwise, screw off!¡±


    Shin raised a questioning eyebrow at Gero, who offered an unconcerned shrug in response. They¡¯d already suspected something like this, so no discussion longer than that silent confirmation was necessary. Even unarmed, they still had Shin¡¯s Opportunism and Momo¡¯s Channel spells. Plus an unarmed Gero was only nominally less dangerous than an armed Gero.


    And there were always the two Royal Coins. But if they winded up needing to burn any of those, it would mean that matters had truly gotten out of hand.


    Either way the kobolds all began to disarm, piling their bows and sidearms on the ground ahead of them. The small north-facing gate on the fortress groaned open, allowing two tall figures to cautiously creep out. Bex couldn¡¯t resist a small ¡®ooo¡¯ of intrigue as they stepped into the light, her already high level of excitement kicking up another notch. ¡°Oh man, Hobgoblins! Nice! Hobgoblins versus Elves is classic, absolutely classic.¡±


    Huh. So these were Hobgoblins, then? The two men were of a type, tall and lean with features that were roughly between an elf¡¯s and a human¡¯s to Shin¡¯s eye. They may have been able to pass for either race, actually, if not for the subtle wolfish cast to their faces and their brownish orange skin. Both were mostly clad in furs, but Shin noticed with interest the surprisingly neat links of their chainmail tunics.


    That wasn¡¯t Oaken Elf work; their mail all used a stupid leaf-shape affectation. These hobgoblins either knew their armor, or had already successfully struck a better-equipped force. Both possibilities made them potentially more dangerous enemies.


    One of the two hobgoblins straightened up, one hand dropping to the sword sheathed at his side as he pointed towards Gero. ¡°You. The club. Drop it.¡±


    Gero raised an eyebrow, slowly bringing her weapon down from its spot balanced on her shoulder. She held the massive bludgeon in both hands for a long moment, and then casually tossed it to the ground. ¡°Fine. Here.¡±


    The hobgoblin removed his hand from the hilt of his weapon, eyes still narrowed as he cautiously stepped forward. He held Gero¡¯s gaze for a moment, the big kobold staring back undaunted, before bending down to pick up her giant club.


    Only to find he couldn¡¯t move it an inch. ¡°Urf. Friggin¡¯...¡± The hobgoblin grabbed hold with both hands, his muscular arms straining as he put everything he had into lifting the weapon. ¡°Grah! Rah!¡±


    To her credit, Gero managed not to burst out laughing. Once the other warrior had joined his overmatch companion, however, both hobgoblins unsuccessfully attempting to lift her club more than a few inches off of the ground, she couldn¡¯t resist a grin. ¡°Having trouble, friends?¡±


    Panting with exertion, one of the hobgoblins narrowed an eye at Gero. Then, he raised his voice to call back to the fortress. ¡°GO GET HILDE!¡±


    The gate ground opened almost immediately, another hobgoblin marching out at such a breakneck pace that she was nearly upon them before Shin could take his measure of her. She was every inch as tall and lean as the two men, her thick black hair whipping behind her and her golden-gray eyes piercing twin holes directly through Gero¡¯s implacable form as she stepped unflinchingly into the kobold¡¯s personal space. ¡°Do we have a problem here?¡±


    Shin found himself sniffing at the air, an unexpectedly familiar scent tickling his nostrils. Huh.


    Meanwhile Gero stared back, matching this Hilde¡¯s confrontation head on. ¡°I don¡¯t have a problem.¡± She jerked her head towards the other two hobgoblins, her pale brown eyes never leaving Hilde¡¯s. ¡°They do, though.¡±


    Hilde flicked an eye towards her two underlings, who were still struggling with Gero¡¯s weapon. ¡°Oh for...move.¡±


    Shin took another, deeper sniff. Wait. No. Really?


    The two men parted, allowing Hilde to bend down and wrap her hand around the grip of Gero¡¯s club. She shot the other woman another challenging glance before straightening back up, hefting the oversized weapon with only the smallest betrayal of effort.


    ¡°There.¡± She balanced the club on her shoulder, eyebrows raised defiantly at Gero. ¡°Is that all? Or did you assholes want to play around some more?¡±


    Before Gero could respond, Shin cut in. ¡°Is that any way to talk to your old friends?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Hilde craned her head around to look at Shin, her eyes darting appraisingly up and down the Schemer. ¡°Friends?¡±


    ¡°Oh come on. It hasn¡¯t been that long, has it?¡± The kobold couldn¡¯t resist a grin, his tail wagging. ¡°You¡¯ve already forgotten your pals Waggle?¡± He put his hand on Choro¡¯s shoulder, the archer as surprised by this turn of events as Hilde was. ¡°And Crunchy?¡± He nodded towards Karikari, who was no less lost. ¡°I guess that means you¡¯ve also forgotten¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡± The hobgoblin stepped forward, her eyes wide as she allowed Gero¡¯s club to drop from her hands with a heavy thud. ¡°Shh?!¡±

 31. The Goblins of Yesteryear

    Shin would never forget the first time he saw that strange face, orange and potato-shaped as it burst out from behind a scrub and tried to murder him with a rock. Those beady little eyes that flared in panic as the attempt to bash his head in failed. That screeching voice, loudly demanding a time-out as Shin retaliated with some serious ankle-gnawing.


    Even more than that, though, he remembered the long conversation that came afterwards. The slow realization that neither of them particularly wanted to kill the other. The night that orange potato spent regaling Shin¡¯s pack with stories about Levels and Evolution and the world beyond their zone, stories that lit the overly curious mongrel¡¯s imagination on fire.


    He knew this person. Knew their smell. There was almost nothing in common between the jittery potato of a goblin who had visited the mongrels¡¯ zone so long ago and the tall, proud warrior woman who stood before them today, but that smell was the same. Rich, earthy, comforting. It was the scent of a friend.


    Hilde didn¡¯t let her shock impede her sense of amazement at the sudden reunion, roaring in a laugh that could probably be heard all the way back to the Oaken Elf camp. ¡°Well shit, how d¡¯you like that?! So you stole my whole plan then, did you Furball? I should have known.¡± She grinned wolfishly at Shin. ¡°You can¡¯t trust anyone who won¡¯t honor a time-out.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t honor time outs?¡± Shin scoffed in a performative affront. ¡°I saw you trying to gather up leaves back then. Don¡¯t think I couldn¡¯t tell you were gonna jump me and shove them into my mouth and choke me to death. I know that devious little mind of yours.¡±


    Hilde laughed again, snorting in unashamed amusement. ¡°That move works, you know. You could have been the first to prove it, Furball.¡± The hobgoblin sighed. ¡°Oh well, your loss.¡± She squinted an eye, leaning forward as she gave the kobold a more thorough once over. ¡°Well now~, look at you! Who knew there was such a pretty boy hiding behind that drooling fluff pile?¡±


    Gero huffed indignantly at the hobgoblin¡¯s assessment, but Shin was determined to give as good as he got. ¡°I¡¯ve always been a handsome devil, you just couldn¡¯t see it clearly with those little doll eyes you used to have. But you are¡­¡± He trailed off as a detail occurred to him. ¡°Oh. I actually kinda assumed you were a boy back then? So, sorry if that was weird?¡±


    ¡°Eh? Oh!¡¯ Hilde waved Shin¡¯s concerns off with good-natured dismissal. ¡°Totally not a problem. Frankly, I wasn¡¯t really a boy or a girl when I was a goblin.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah. The whole downstairs region when I was a goblin?¡±¨CHilde gave a sliding whistle, flicking her hand down past her groin¨C¡±Totally flat. Nothing. Zip. Trash monsters don¡¯t really have physical sexes, and from what I¡¯ve seen most don¡¯t get around to developing genders either.¡±


    Goddess that was fascinating. Shin hadn¡¯t really considered it yet, but it was true that there was literally zero sexual dimorphism among mongrels. From a strictly physical standpoint there wasn¡¯t any difference between a boy mongrel and a girl mongrel; they simply were whatever they said they were.. They¡¯d had more going on between their legs as mongrels than goblins apparently did, sure, but it was still just the one setup for everyone, and it was only ever used as a pee-delivery system.


    It was more cultural than biological. Mongrels were popped, not born, so what they had was exclusively used for claiming territory and asserting dominance. And also for peeing on wasp nests as on a dare.


    All things being equal, Shin found he preferred the way things were now. It was more complicated, certainly, but all the more exciting. ¡°I guess we¡¯ve both come a long way, haven¡¯t we?¡±


    Hilde nodded, planting a hand to her hip. ¡°We sure have, Furball, we sure..¡± She trailed off, slowly raising her eyebrows as someone over Shin¡¯s shoulder drew her focus. ¡°Uh, what¡¯s that one doing?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± Shin turned around to see Mimi, the scribe pressing his hands to either side of his head as he concentrated with every bit of force he could muster. ¡°Oh. This is Mimasu.¡± Shin gestured towards the pile of weapons. ¡°He added his book to the pile, so I¡¯m pretty sure he¡¯s trying to commit everything that¡¯s being said to memory.¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡¯ Hilde snorted again, turning back towards the fort. ¡°Well tell the scribe to retrieve his ¡®weapon¡¯ before he explodes his own brain, and let¡¯s get inside already. I seem to recall a certain fluff pile mentioning something about negotiating a truce.¡±


    Shin had entered this zone with only the loosest outline of a plan, knowing full well that the details on the ground would dictate the paths he took towards his ultimate goal. Even a surprise he never could have anticipated like this reunion was filtered in and processed, schemes begetting schemes begetting more schemes.


    And with every new piece that fell onto the table, the picture of the puzzle began to reveal itself. Now Shin just had to figure out how they all fit together.


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    Gero drew up closely beside Shin as the kobolds followed Hilde into the fortress, her voice low and serious. ¡°I don¡¯t like this.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin couldn¡¯t help noticing that she wasn¡¯t resting her club jauntily on her shoulder, holding it tensely at her side instead. ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡±


    ¡°Dunno. Something seems off. Also,¡±¨CShe sniffed meaningfully at the air¨C¡±You noticed that, right?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡± Shin took another sniff himself. ¡°Hopefully our old friend can illuminate us on that one. Was there more, though?¡±


    ¡°Hmph.¡± Gero glanced purposefully away. ¡°Also she¡¯s annoying. So there¡¯s that.¡±


    Was she? Shin hadn¡¯t noticed. Neither had Bex, judging by the way the honorary kobold was hanging off of Hilde¡¯s every word. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°¨CMostly found them in the woods. There¡¯re lots of gobbos out there, after all.¡± Hilde nodded at her wary companions as they stepped into the square of the fortress, the other hobgoblins peering down from the walls at the unknown guests. ¡°The ones manning the scorpions are from the Tentree Village Instance, though.¡± Hilde shook her head. ¡°Nasty business, that.¡±


    Bex gasped, her hands balled with excitement. ¡°They¡¯re from the Instance?! How does that even work?!¡±


    ¡°Only by a lot of nonsense trying to out-nonsense itself, that¡¯s how. A Player has to kite the Monster all the way out of the Instance without actually attacking and then vanish off to wherever it is they go. Then the stranded Monster just sort of stands there until someone offs them, or snaps them out of it.¡± Hilde snapped a signal of greeting to the two hobgoblins manning the small, portable ballista at the top of the ramparts, the gunners immediately returning the gesture. ¡°They¡¯re good guys. Glad I was in the right place at the right time.¡±


    It was difficult for Shin to think about anything other than the scorpions, and how desperately he wanted to mount a few on the top of Shinki Itten¡¯s watchtower, but his calculating eyes couldn¡¯t resist taking a few notes all the same. There were probably no more than a dozen of the hobgoblins, including Hilde, mostly all some flavor of Warrior. Too few to take over a fortress like this, and even then with entirely the wrong class make up.


    And now that he was inside the fortress itself, Shin could see that significant damage had been dealt to the structure. Presumably that occurred during the conquest, but...the hobgoblins seemed uninjured, despite their lack of an obvious Cleric or Medic.


    Something was off.


    But that would have to wait for a moment, because Hilde threw open the doors to the fortress¡¯s barracks and introduced them to a puzzle far too enthralling for Shin to immediately ignore. ¡°And this,¡±¨CShe waved her arm dramatically towards the shriveled little hobgoblin tucked neatly into one of the beds, his beard and wispy hair so long they nearly reached the floor¨C¡±Is Old Hob. I have no idea what his deal is.¡±


    Old Hob, as his name might imply, was old. He was an old monster. That did not happen.


    Monsters die. It¡¯s practically their number one responsibility. They get sliced, they get smashed, they get drowned, they get blasted with bolts of lightning, they get filled with mystic bees, they get their heads caved in by super cool falling rocks like what happened to Shin¡¯s brother. Shin remembered hearing claims about a mongrel who got snatched up by a giant bird, carried high into the air, and then dropped into an active volcano. It was probably a lie, but compared to the existence of an old monster? Entirely possible.


    Because what monsters don¡¯t do, don¡¯t ever get to do, is grow old.


    They age, of course, once they reach a certain level of complexity. Goblins don¡¯t really age or grow but Hobgoblins do, just like a Human or Elf or Kobold would. But an elderly Hobgoblin? One that had actually aged long enough to become feeble and addle-pated? And still survived? That might happen within the Kingdom-Level races of Magica, but for someone low enough on the totem pole to still be considered a monster rather than an ¡®actual¡¯ person? The chances of not falling face-first into a slime and being dissolved at the first failings of their body could only be classified as ¡®Shitty¡¯.


    Hob knew things, because Hob had been around to see things. To experience them. And all of that experience was hidden behind watery eyes that couldn¡¯t focus, unable to escape from a mouth that hung loosely open, trapped within a brain that was inexorably turning into mush.


    What a fucking tragedy.


    Hilde gave Hob an affectionate rub on the arm, gently coaxing the ancient hobgoblin to shift onto his other side. ¡°So did the elves send you with terms? Or what¡¯s the story?¡±


    Shin shared a look with Momo and Gero, then cleared his throat. ¡°Well, I suppose it all depends on what you¡¯re looking to get out of this.¡±


    ¡°Honestly? We just want to cut bait.¡± Hilde sighed. ¡°When we first came across this place? I thought we¡¯d hit our first stroke of luck in a long time.¡± She shook her head, her mouth tight with annoyance. ¡°Should¡¯ve known not to trust luck we didn¡¯t make for ourselves. An empty Conquest Node, with a full fortress? Too perfect. Too easy.¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡± Momo tilted her head. ¡°So it wasn¡¯t you who wiped out the elves here?¡±


    ¡°Nope, not us.¡± Hilde grimaced. ¡°Whoever it was did some nasty work here, though. Most of the buildings have been torched from the inside. And there are a bunch of stains I doubt will ever come out.¡±


    Shin slowly nodded. ¡°And you don¡¯t have any Villagers, so¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Hilde nodded along with Shin. ¡°We can¡¯t repair the damage. We can¡¯t hold it either, not unless we¡¯re willing to fight to the last.¡± Hilde shrugged, offering the kobolds a rueful grin. ¡°So if the elves are willing to let us walk out of here, we¡¯d be willing to let them¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡±


    Hilde cocked an eyebrow at Gero. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°So you weren¡¯t coming this way to attack this fortress.¡± Gero held her eyes steady on Hilde. ¡°Is that right?¡±


    The hobgoblin nodded, slowly beginning to tense up. ¡°Yes¡­¡±


    Gero took a step forward, her hand tightening around her club. ¡°So why were you headed in this direction? With your warriors and your siege weapons?¡±


    ¡°And my old man, too?¡± Hilde retorted, prickling under Gero''s hostile interrogation.


    The big kobold¡¯s eyes widened, confrontation plain in her every feature. ¡°Answer the question.¡±


    The hobgoblin pursed her lips for a moment, appearing to weigh her options. Then, she shrugged. ¡°Alright, fine. I was coming after your zone¡¯s Conquest Node.¡±


    ¡°I knew it.¡± Gero let out a triumphant growl. ¡°I knew something was off!¡±


    Hilde scowled. ¡°It¡¯s not like I knew you¡¯d already taken over! I was coming after those guards, not you.¡±


    ¡°You were coming for our home.¡± Gero jabbed a finger into Hilde¡¯s shoulder, both warriors drawing themselves up to their full heights and breath shortened and nostrils flared. ¡°It¡¯s our home!¡±


    Shin wedged himself between the two women just in time for whatever he was going to say to die on his lips.


    CONDITION TRIGGERED: OPPORTUNISM ACTIVATED


    ¡°...I think we¡¯d better put this particular discussion on hold.¡±


    ¡°Why?!¡± Gero glared down at Shin, her every word a snarl. ¡°Why should we give them another second?!¡±


    ¡°Because Ceril finally worked up the courage to turn on us.¡±

 32. Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

    Shin peeked his head over the ramparts to confirm what his Opportunity prompt and the hobgoblins manning the walls had already confirmed: the Oaken Elves were marching on the fortress. Two columns of elves in lockstep, a massive battering ram thundering between them with all the weight and promise of an unavoidable fate. It seemed unlikely that all of these forces had been arrayed to deliver a friendly message


    ¡°Damn,¡± Hilde whistled, scanning the oncoming army. ¡°That¡¯s what, a hundred elves? Two hundred?¡±


    ¡°At least two hundred,¡± Gero muttered. ¡°All with bows. This is the first time I¡¯ve ever regretted Blunt Expertise.¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex piped in, ¡°Maybe next time you could try tying your club to a really long rope or something!¡±


    Gero¡¯s eyes flared. ¡°Well now we¡¯ve gotta get out of this because I am so stealing that idea.¡±


    Wren led his forces from the front, possibly as a show of comradery with his troops or possibly to better direct their tactics. Though it might just as well have been a ploy to stay as far away from Prince Ceril and the two majors as he could. The three Oaken Elf nobles were further back under a portable canopy, close enough to bear witness to the action but not quite so close as to risk pesky little things like arrow wounds.


    The elven columns came to a halt just within range of the fortress, the first several lines of archers readying their bows against any hostile movement. Well that all seems like a pretty clear statement of intent? But Shin figured he might as well make certain.


    ¡°You really didn¡¯t need to make the trip!¡± Shin called from behind the parapet, his voice echoing down to the amassed troops, ¡°We¡¯d have been happy to bring the good news to you!¡±


    ¡°Oh really!¡± General Wren called back, his own voice booming effortlessly over the walls. ¡°What good news is that!¡±


    ¡°The hobgoblins have agreed to surrender the fortress, if you¡¯ll promise them safe passage! You were right to send me; I¡¯m really good at this sort of thing!¡±


    ¡°So I see! There¡¯s just one problem!¡±


    ¡°There is?¡± It was difficult to affect a theatrically quizzical tone while shouting at the top of one¡¯s lungs, but Shin managed it with aplomb. ¡°What ever could that be?¡±


    ¡°I know what happened at the waystation, son! And frankly, I suspect you had something to do with what happened here as well!"


    Well, one out of two wasn¡¯t terrible. Shin pumped even more volume into his voice, making sure he reached all the way back to the noble¡¯s dainty little pavilion. ¡°Prince Ceril! I¡¯m hurt! We had a Best Friend¡¯s Promise and you broke it!¡±


    That lured the hapless Prince out from his comfortable shade, his indignant shriek piercing the air. ¡°You are a MURDERER and a PRINCENAPPER and you and ALL of your FLEA-BITTEN LACKEYS are DEAD! You¡¯re ALL¨C¡±


    Ceril¡¯s tirade was interrupted when Wren stepped in front of him, the general keeping his voice low and inaudible. Whatever he was saying, the prince didn¡¯t like it much, his arms flailing and the occasional fragment of a word or phrase ringing out when his outrage overtook him. After a surprisingly long argument, Wren slashed his hand to one side and leaned in close, his voice indistinct but his body language as clear as a bell. Ceril threw up his arms in a huff, then stomped back towards his canopy as Wren turned back towards the fortress. ¡°I implore you to surrender yourselves and the fortress! If you and the hobgoblins submit to me, I swear that no harm will be done to you before you stand trial in Quercus.¡±


    Hm. ¡°Just me? What happens to my friends?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ll be escorted back to your zone, free to return home!¡± General Wren pressed a fist to his chest in a gesture of promise. ¡°Our people may yet be allies, son! But only if and when you have answered for your crimes! You have an hour to decide!¡±


    The elven general turned back to walk away, his voice still clearly carrying up to the ramparts. ¡°Surrender, or fight and die. It¡¯s your choice, son.¡±


    That¡¯s¡­hmm. Shin glanced back at the other kobolds, but before he could even voice the question Momo snarled at him in uncharacteristic fury. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare suggest that we leave you again; how dare you, Shin.¡±


    ¡°I broke into a gate to save you once already.¡± Gero gave Shin a sharp flick on the nose. ¡°If you think I won¡¯t break out of one to do it again, you really are an idiot.¡±


    ¡°Us too!¡± Choro clapped his hands on Koda and Karikari¡¯s shoulders, the three kobolds determined as Shin had ever seen them. ¡°We¡¯re with you all the way!¡±


    Mimasu took hold of Shin¡¯s hand, his little face deadly serious. ¡°I will do almost nothing to help. But I will make sure everything is written down.¡±


    ¡°Besides,¡± Gero remarked, her arms folded. ¡°You¡¯ve got some Big Plan, right Shin?¡±


    Bex gasped. ¡°Really?! I want to hear about the Big Plan!¡±


    ¡°Well.¡± Shin did his best to act coy. ¡°Maybe a little Big Plan.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, maybe hurry up with it a bit, Furball,¡± Hilde deadpanned, carefully running a whetstone over her machete-like sword. ¡°Because as soon as the hour is up, me and the boys are going to open fire regardless of which decision you made.¡±


    ¡°After the hour¡­oh!¡± Shin waved his hands. ¡°Oh, no; we¡¯re going to attack in just a few minutes.¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Momo tilted her head. ¡°But he gave us an hour, so shouldn¡¯t we use that time to plan?¡±


    ¡°Nope. Besides, he only gave us an hour because the sun is in his army¡¯s eyes right now. If we¡¯re going to attack, the best time is now.¡±


    Hilde shrugged, slipping her blade back into its sheath. ¡°So what¡¯s your plan, then?¡±


    ¡°Okay. This is the situation, as I see it.¡± Shin peeped his head over the parapets again, a dozen or so kobold and hobgoblin heads peeking up behind him. ¡°Our position really isn¡¯t that bad. We¡¯re defending a fortress against a relatively small force that doesn¡¯t look to have trebuchet or mining gear. Though judging by those hats,"¨CShin pointed out a few elves in, it had to be admitted, truly stupendous hats¨C"Those guys are mages. Really, though, our only issues are that the fortress we¡¯re defending is mostly ruined and we¡¯re far too short handed to actually hold up a defense. Other than that? We¡¯re solid.¡±


    ¡°Oh, right. So true. Why didn¡¯t I see it myself.¡± Hilde smacked herself on the forehead. ¡°Besides our two giant, fatal weaknesses, we¡¯re doing great. Party time at the fortress!¡±


    ¡°Exactly. So why don¡¯t I fix both of those weaknesses right now?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Hilde blinked. ¡°Really? How?¡±


    ¡°Well, it starts like this.¡±


    Invite to Tribe? (Y/N?)


    Hilde was so shocked by the prompt¡¯s sudden appearance that she very nearly staggered backwards off of the wall. ¡°The shit?! Invite to¡­¡± Her eyes practically bugged out. ¡°You can do that?!¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°Sure, why not?¡± He tilted his head in a question towards the other kobolds. ¡°No objections, right?¡±


    The other pups vociferously agreed to the invitation, Bex so thrilled with this turn of events that she too nearly tumbled off of the wall. For her part, Gero managed the most grudging nod of acceptance that a living body could muster.


    Hilde ran a hand through her hair, looking unsure of herself for the first time. ¡°I¡­I mean, I wanted to make a home for myself and mine. That was the point of all of this. But I always thought that meant we¡¯d have to¡­¡± She shook off her frown, offering Shin a wry grin. ¡°You¡¯re serious? You won¡¯t regret it once we stomp in and get mud over all of your nice kobold floors?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re either going to live together or die together, Hilde.¡± Shin extended a hand towards the hobgoblin, all levity gone from his tone. ¡°That already makes us a Tribe. Why don¡¯t we make it official?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Hilde bit her lip, her golden-gray eyes taking in the impassioned nods of the other hobgoblins. And then she clasped hold of Shin¡¯s hand with a fierce intensity, a wild cast to her manic grin. ¡°Alright then! Yes!¡±


    Invite to Tribe? (Y/N)


    Shin watched as a familiar curtain of shimming energy enrobed the hobgoblins, the motley furs and leathers covering their solid chainmail dissolving away as their armor reshaped itself into lacquered bands of overlapping steel plate. Hilde held up her arms in fascination, testing the range of motion of her fine laminar cuirass even as her wild mane of hair drew itself back into a complex braid. ¡°This is¡­¡± She drew her sword, the once hatchet-like weapon transformed into an elegant single edged blade. ¡°Wow, Furball. Yeah. This just is.¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    A cry of shock from behind him caught Shin off guard, the kobold turning his head to see Gero holding her club aloft. To his surprise the wave of power had sheathed her weapon as well, replacing the shards of rock embedded into its business end with a solid four foot cap of studded steel.


    Gero didn¡¯t even try to hold back her tears. ¡°I¡¯m, I¡¯m just so happy¡­¡±


    ¡°Our armor has changed, too!¡± Momo pointed at Karikari¡¯s chestguard, as well as Shin¡¯s own cuirass. ¡°Why, though?¡±


    ¡°What, you thought this was a one-way type of deal?¡± Hilde grinned, testing the edge of her sword against her thumb. ¡°Hobgoblins invented forging. Now that you¡¯re with us? You get the good shit.¡±


    Bex managed to control her mounting glee long enough to squeak out a question. ¡°Hobgoblins invented forging? I thought dwarves¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah well dwarves¡¯ beards grow backwards into their brains, so take what they say with a grain of salt.¡± Hilde jerked her chin at Koda, calling on the big blacksmith¡¯s expertise. ¡°You¡¯re the smith, right? How¡¯s your sheet looking now?¡±


    Koda pulled up his Status Screen, the normally taciturn craftsman visible balking. ¡°Oh wow. These bonuses are¡­oh, wow.¡±


    ¡°Well good timing, then.¡± Shin clapped a hand onto Koda¡¯s back. ¡°Because it¡¯s time for you to do the job we brought you here for.¡±


    ¡°Right!¡± Koda pulled out his hammer and selected something on a prompt, a screen appearing at the center of the fortress.


    Repairing Conquest Node (7 of 100)


    Hilde frowned at Shin, concern beginning to bubble through her excitement. ¡°That¡¯s great and all, but didn¡¯t you want to attack now? It¡¯s going to take a single smith way more than an hour to repair this whole fortress.¡±


    ¡°Oh. It is?¡± Shin tapped at his chin, pondering that. ¡°Ah, wait!¡± He held up a finger, his face beaming. ¡°This says it won¡¯t.¡±


    Hilde barely had time to register the big gold coin that appeared above Shin¡¯s finger before it vanished again, the Royal Coin fizzling away in blocky chunks as a bright melody played.


    Repairing Conquest Node Complete (100 of 100)


    ¡°Ahhh, that was one of my Coins!¡± Bex bounced up and down in delight as the fortress snapped back to full repair in an instant, the ruined buildings and worn ramparts brand new once again. ¡°I was part of the Big Plan yesss~!¡±


    ¡°One of her¡­¡± Hilde¡¯s eyes went wide for what was maybe the fifth or sixth time in as many minutes as realization sunk in. ¡°Is she a Player?!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true. We run in dangerous circles now.¡± Shin cocked an eyebrow at the hobgoblin. ¡°It¡¯s too late to say you don¡¯t want to join. Sorry.¡±


    Hilde snorted, punching the kobold amiable in the shoulder. ¡°I should¡¯ve known. You don¡¯t give take-backs, you don¡¯t give time-outs¡­is there no depth to which you won¡¯t sink, Furball?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not. And speaking of time-outs¡­¡± Shin jerked a thumb towards where the gunners had been stationed. ¡°I think it¡¯s about time we get those scorpions manned, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Um, about that?¡± One of the hobgoblins called out from the sniper¡¯s perch, newly dressed in light robes and nervously fiddling with the spyglass in his hands. ¡°The scorpions are sort of¡­gone?¡±


    ¡°Gone?!¡± Hilde glared up at the hobgoblin. ¡°How do you lose a giant crossbow?¡±


    ¡°Well, I mean, they aren¡¯t gone, they¡¯re¡­well look!¡± He crouched down, lifting something back up with a tremendous amount of effort. ¡°We¡¯ve got these now, and we know how to work them? But we need someone really strong to¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh, today just keeps getting better and better.¡± Gero¡¯s eyes were practically aflame as she stared up at what the former gunner was presenting. ¡°I¡¯ve got that covered. Awesome. This is the best.¡±


    Hilde tapped Shin on the head. ¡°Well this is great and all, but you¡¯ve still only solved one of our two problems, right? Or is the plan to just die fancier than we otherwise would have?¡±


    ¡°Oh, right. Two problems. If only we¡¯d had a second Royal Coin.¡±


    Shin held up his finger, another coin appearing above it.


    ¡°Oh wait.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    General Wren kept as far away from the other officers as he could manage within the confines of the rather snug canopy, a biscuit of flembas bread untouched in one hand. He could barely stand to watch them, Prince Ceril and the two nobles, as they laughed and jabbered and congratulated one another as if they had already achieved some grand military victory.


    Asses.


    He had absolutely zero doubt that, whatever the kobolds did at the waystation, it was probably in self defense. Probably provoked. But General Wren had a duty to the Oaken Elves, not to the kobolds. And besides, the kid had already lied to his face. Multiple times. What else was he lying about?


    No, Wren knew that this ''Shin'' needed to be brought in. Too risky having someone that clever mucking around that close to their territory. Wouldn¡¯t do. Needed to think of his people first.


    Wren took a bite of his flembas, chewed it once, and then dropped the rest of the biscuit back onto the tray. Too dry. Flembas had a way of sticking in one¡¯s craw, of being more of a nuisance than it was worth. Wren was certain there was a metaphor in that somewhere, but he was a warrior, not a poet.


    Against his own best efforts, Wren found himself tuning into the nobles¡¯ conversation. ¡°¨Chave such a reception, Your Highness!¡± the taller noble simpered. ¡°You may only be Twelfth Prince, but surely after your harrowing ordeal you shall be First in the hearts of all peoples!¡±


    Ceril puffed up so proudly at the other man¡¯s praise that it was a wonder he didn¡¯t rupture. Had he already forgotten the way these nobles disdained him at first? Wren didn¡¯t know why he bothered to wonder; of course he had.


    ¡°You shall have to visit the Lady tonight,¡± the shorter noble offered, his eyebrows waggling lasciviously. ¡°She shall surely wish to show her gratitude to the hero of the day! She surely shall¨C¡±


    ¡°Where is the Lady?¡±


    The two majors glanced at Wren, offering him an expression that one might consider slightly too rude to level at an insect, or weeping pustule. ¡°What? What did you say?¡±


    ¡°The Lady Bittercup.¡± Wren flicked a crumb of flembas off of his breastplate. ¡°Why leave her out of your little rumpus? She¡¯s a noble too, isn¡¯t she?¡±


    The taller elf scoffed. ¡°That whore? I suppose technically, but¨C¡±


    Prince Ceril cut in at that, his expression serious now that Wren had joined the conversation. ¡°You need to kill that little shit as soon as possible.¡± Clearly, the royal was still unconvinced from their little argument before. ¡°Not a prisoner, not taking him to Quercus for a trial, just dead.¡±


    Wren rubbed his hand against the material of the canopy, attempting to wipe away the oil the flembas had left smeared on his hand. ¡°So you¡¯ve said.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t even think he should be tortured! Do you have any idea how serious that fact is?¡± Ceril leaned forward, jabbing a finger at himself. ¡°That beast made my life a living hell. He deserves to die slowly. But it¡¯s not about what he deserves, okay? He¡¯s a menace, and he¡¯s got the mind of a fucking devil. If you let him live even a second longer than he should, he will find a way to¨C¡±


    Shouts of alarm coming from the front lines knocked Ceril out of his rant, Wren already bursting out from the canopy to see what was going on. So they weren¡¯t going to wait the whole hour, huh? Good, that was smart. They were still in an indefensible position, but Wren couldn¡¯t help being a little pleased that his foe was still making the right¨C


    Wait. Why did the fortress look different?


    Wren squinted his eyes, quickly confirming that the form of the small citadel had actually been reshaped. The towers were wider, the gate seemed sturdier, the¡­Wait.


    Fucking wait.


    Wren straightened up slowly, sensing that the three nobles were behind him without needing to turn around. ¡°When you were telling me all about this devil-minded menace of yours, Prince Ceril,¡± he started, disdain dripping from the title, ¡°Did you neglect to mention whether or not he had a Royal Coin?¡±


    Ceril gulped, and Wren could practically hear the color draining from his face. ¡°Oh. Um. Yes. Yes, he actually has¡­¡±


    The prince trailed off as the big kobold appeared at the top of one of the towers, every muscle in her powerful frame taut as she drew back on a bow the size of a small tree. A hobgoblin with a looking glass crouched before her, calling back instructions as the kobold brought her personal ballista to bear on the elves guarding the battering ram.


    Wren began to call out instructions, only for his commands to die out as another giant kobold with another enormous bow appeared on another tower. Hadn¡¯t there only been one big one? But then another appeared. And then another. And another.


    Wren quickly realized that rather than the two dozen or so hostiles he¡¯d addressed not ten minutes ago, the walls of the fortress now brimmed with scores of both kobolds and hobgoblins. The fortress was fully garrisoned. And there was only one way that could have happened.


    He did turn around this time, finding Ceril¡¯s face exactly as pale as he¡¯d imagined as he took a handful of his prince¡¯s shirt. ¡°What were you about to say? Finish that sentence.¡±


    Ceril took several attempts at a gulp before he finally managed to find his word. ¡°Um, I t-think that maybe he had two?¡±

 33. Breached Defenses

    General Wren released Prince Ceril with a disgusted grunt, turning his attention back towards the battle his forces were suddenly embroiled in. At least now he finally had the full picture of what it was they faced. Trees be damned. What a shitshow.


    One of the nobles stammered from behind Wren, though whether it was the taller or shorter of the two the general was too distracted to say. ¡°Royal Coins?! How did that thing get Royal Coins?!¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter,¡± admonished his counterpart, ¡°We¡¯ve got dozens of them! Just spend the Coin you¡¯ve been authorized and get on with this!¡±


    ¡°We can¡¯t,¡± Wren responded, his teeth gritted. ¡°We¡¯re mid combat.¡±


    ¡°You mean¡­it¡¯s just us against them?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°No Royal Coins for our side?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°...Are you sure?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    The unmistakable sound of three pairs of Oaken Elf feet running desperately back for the canopy was music to Wren¡¯s ears. Finally. Now that the distractions were gone, he had a siege to conduct.


    First things first. ¡°Wizards!¡± Wren cupped his hands around his mouth, bellowing clear over the din of battle. ¡°Get that battering ram shielded!¡±


    Spurred on by his command, a dozen Oaken Elves raised their hands high into the air, glyphs of electric azure shimmering above those stupid giant hats of theirs. Ugh, those hats. Didn¡¯t Wren tell them not to wear those? That they made them a¨C


    As if on cue, an arrow the size of a small tree burst through the chest of one of the mages, his spell sputtering to nothingness as the sheer force of the projectile lifted him clear off of his feet to leave him wobbling in the air like some macabre skewer.


    ¡­Target.


    Shit.


    Four more wizards fell to shocking accurate fire from those giant bows before they could finish their incantations, leaving the battering ram only partially shielded from the rain of arrows the fortress¡¯s defenders were showering it with. Wren¡¯s soldiers were hesitating; no one elf seemed prepared to be the first to step into the line of fire.


    Only one thing to do. ¡°With me! With me!¡±


    Wren crashed into the side of the battering ram, sliced and bleeding from any number glancing blows by the time he was finally able to duck under the protection of the siege instrument¡¯s roof. He shoved his shoulder into one of the ram¡¯s grips, his body screaming in protest and his jaw so tightly set that his mouth was beginning to bleed as he threw every ounce of strength he could muster into willing the massive weapon towards the enemy¡¯s gate.


    He struggled and strained, his boots churning the ground beneath his feet into mud as he grappled with the unmoving juggernaut. Not only could he not move it by himself, but when one of the giant bolts splintered against the battering ram¡¯s shield Wren found himself wrenched a full foot backwards. It was no use. He¡¯d have to¨C


    And then there was a man beside him. And then two more at the other side of the ram. And then another three. More and more Oaken Elf soldiers stumbled through the hell of battle to take their places at Wren¡¯s side, and before he knew it the siege weapon was fully crewed.


    Wren spat out a mouthful of blood, his grin dyed crimson as he called out to his brothers and sisters in arms. ¡°Let¡¯s give that door a knock, see if anybody¡¯s home!¡±


    The elves roared back in wordless confirmation and surged forward, the colossal battering ram groaning under the power of a dozen soldiers. Wren urged them on louder and louder, his throat worked completely raw by the time they were full on sprinting towards a head-on collision with the gate.


    ¡°Release!¡±


    The soldiers pulled away from their grips at the last moment, cheering in manic triumph as the battering ram smashed into the gate with a horrible, wonderful crash. Wren threw himself back into position as soon as the weapon¡¯s recoil had died down, his voice cracked with strain as he exhorted the other elves to join him. ¡°One more time! One more time and we¡¯ll¨C¡±


    But then the shields protecting the battering ram crackled away, and a pair of perfectly timed bolts splintered the roof of the carriage.


    Wren stumbled to one knee as the other soldiers fled for cover, a full half of them already cut down by arrow fire. Why? Why did the spell fail? Why was the suppressive fire of his own archers so ineffective? He wobbled to his feet, blind to the arrows darting past him as he picked a single elf out to watch amidst the tumult.


    She picked her target, good. She lined her shot, perfect. And then¡­Wren followed the arc of the arrow. Complete whiff. That should have been a hit. It was almost as if his entire army was¡­


    ¡°Status.¡±


    As soon as his Status Screen popped up, a flashing bar informed him of the noteworthy effects he was currently suffering from.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Opportunism - Curse Your Inevitable Betrayal!: Triggered! (Prince Ceril has broken his word to Shin, i.e. he has told the other elves about what happened at the waystation) All allied characters will suffer from Disadvantage for the remainder of combat.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Okay. Now he had a full picture of what it was they faced.


    What. A. Shitshow.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin could only marvel at the magic that was Friendship. Kobolds were pretty great, if he said so himself, and you know what? Hobgoblins were pretty swell, too. But bring them together, make them one big happy family? That¡¯s when things really start to get wild.


    Perfect example: the hobgoblin Gunners had already been a perfectly respectable class. They carried around personal ballistae and fired them at stuff; what could be better than that? Enter their upgraded class, the Field Specialist. On their own, they were a standard light ranged unit with all of their old functionality. But pair one up with another Class, and they form a context-dependent two-person Class with abilities beyond what either was originally capable of.


    So take a Specialist and a Bruiser, and Gero was suddenly launching three-foot long arrows across the battlefield with startling accuracy despite not even having Ranged Proficiency. One of the newly popped kobold Specialists had teamed up with a hobgoblin Priestess, granting her access to spells Shin knew Tasan Okaa didn¡¯t usually offer. Even Hilde and her fellow Guardians, melee specialists who should have had nearly no use during a siege until the gate was breached, were deflecting arrows with their damned swords thanks to the advice and direction of their Specialist partners.


    One was also huddled intensely with Mimasu, the scribe scribbling into his book faster than Shin had ever seen him write before. Maybe that wasn¡¯t so useful right now. But Shin had to admit, whatever they were writing down was probably amazing.


    The point was, maybe this wasn''t the Grand Alliance Shin had originally planned? But it was pretty damn Grand all the same


    Bex staggered into Shin¡¯s side, out of breath and beaming with excitement. ¡°Shin! They, they¡¯re leaving!¡±


    It was true; a furious cheer had already started to go up among the wall¡¯s defenders as the main host of the Oaken Elf army began retreating back to their camp. They¡¯d brought over two hundred soldiers to tear down the fortress, and now they were leaving with less than half of that. Insane.


    Though now that he was on the subject. ¡°Momo!¡± Shin called, his voice cutting through the frenzied celebrations of his comrades. ¡°What are our casualties?¡±


    The Priestess finished her instructions to two of her newly popped underlings, the other clerics dashing off as she joined Shin and Bex. ¡°There are lots of injuries, but only twenty seem to have been beyond our abilities. Seventeen newly popped, two of Hilde¡¯s original group¡­¡± She trailed off, taking a breath before she could continue on. ¡°And Choro.¡±This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Waggle. Shin had known him literally his entire life. They¡¯d once tried to eat a sparrow at the same time and accidentally mashed their faces together in what Shin was now realizing probably counted as his first kiss. There was one less survivor of Boss Yip-Yap¡¯s Big Plan casting a defiant middle finger at the uncaring world now.


    Bex¡¯s eyebrows scrunched up. ¡°Wait, Choro? But¡­he was one of you guys, though.¡±


    Shin gently patted the girl on the shoulder. ¡°He still is, Bex. He still is.¡±


    He was sure Hilde had similar feelings about her own two fallen brothers. And that wasn¡¯t to discount the seventeen kobolds and hobgoblins who had been born at the opening of the battle that would also cause their deaths. Shin wished he¡¯d known them, the brothers and sisters who¡¯d died for their families before they could even share their names.


    But the battle was won, regardless of the price that had been paid, and there was more yet to do. There was simply no use for heavy hearts before the last fight was finished.


    Hilde clearly felt the same way, marching up to the confab at such a brisk clip that the cleric attempting to heal her arrow wounds was having a hard time keeping up. ¡°Who can we send out!¡± the hobgoblin asked urgently, the fire of freshly tasted victory burning in her eyes. ¡°We need to get someone through to the village before they surround the fortress and settle in for the long siege!¡±


    Her reasoning was sound. Now that the fortress was fully garrisoned, a veteran commander like Wren wouldn¡¯t immediately attempt a frontal assault again. He¡¯d fall back on the old methods, the tried and true methods: cut them off, and starve them out. Turn the fortress into a prison. After that, he could bide his time and lick his wounds until the perfect moment to strike presented itself. And Shin doubted very much that Wren would allow himself to be caught so utterly off guard a second time.


    Pity for him that he wouldn¡¯t be getting a second time. ¡°We¡¯re going to wait until nightfall. And then we¡¯re all going to go out.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Hilde furrowed her brow. ¡°Even if we could attack their camp, they¡¯ll have us blockaded by then. How are we supposed to break through their line?¡±


    ¡°We won¡¯t have to. They¡¯re going to have other problems to handle.¡± He tapped a finger to the side of his nose. ¡°Hadn¡¯t you wondered what happened to this fortress before you got here?¡±


    Hilde waited for the Schemer to elaborate, and when none was forthcoming she shot Momo an incredulous look. But the cleric was much more used to Shin¡¯s enigmatic pronouncements than she was, and so she simply threw up her hands. ¡°Well alright then? When do we attack?¡±


    ¡°When we get the signal.¡±


    ¡°Okay, seriously? Screw you, Furball.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Wren smashed his fist into the tray of flembas bread, the chalky biscuits coming apart as they slapped onto the ground. ¡°What did you just say?¡±


    The shorter officer sniffed. ¡°Well if you¡¯re going to be rude I don¡¯t see what I should¨C¡±


    ¡°WHAT,¡±¨CThe general took a menacing step forward, all three nobles shrinking back¨C¡±Did you just say?!¡±


    ¡°He said we won¡¯t be throwing good money after bad!¡± The taller officer shouted, his mouth set with some unbearable mix of pomposity and cowardice. ¡°We¡¯re revoking your Royal Coin request, so you¡¯ll just have to make due!¡±


    ¡°I am a General, and¨C¡±


    ¡°And Royal Coins are a nobility matter, NOT a military matter!¡± The taller noble stomped his foot, his flabby ears wobbling. ¡°So there! It¡¯s done! You¡¯ve nothing to blame but your own failure!¡±


    ¡°If he¡¯d told me half of the information he had on our enemies before we committed ourselves, this never would have happened!¡± Ceril shrank under Wren¡¯s searing gaze. ¡°How many of your people are dead because of your carelessness, Prince?¡±


    The shorter elf pursed his lips, shooting Prince Ceril an ugly look. Now that it seemed increasingly unlikely that the wayward royal would be returning home a conquering hero, the two nobles had clearly decided they no longer needed to tolerate him. ¡°Yes. Well. Prince Ceril¡¯s many faults notwithstanding, this simply isn¡¯t a discussion. There¡¯s nothing left but for you to set your troops to their duty, and sell your lives dearly while we return to Quercus to confer with His Majesty King Glandem!¡±


    Wren could very easily picture his hands wrapped around this man¡¯s throat. Very easily. He could strangle all three of these men to death, leave them in this open air tent, and there was not a single man or woman in his army who would have looked askance.


    But no. General Wren was a man of duty. He wasn¡¯t about to cut ties and go rogue. But that didn¡¯t mean he had to take this lying down, either.


    The general drew himself up to his full, imposing height. ¡°I¡¯m sending a message to the court. They will send reinforcements, and we will retake this zone.¡±


    The taller elf heaved a quavering sigh, stepping out to block the exit from the canopy. ¡°My dear General, you will not eep~!¡±


    The elf squeaked in alarm as Wren barreled straight past him, plopping down to the ground as the general strode unerringly towards the bird handler¡¯s tent. There. Duty could grudge him a little bit of something for himself.


    A voice called out to Wren as he neared the end of the semi-permanent tents. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about what happened.¡±


    Wren slowed down a touch, a bit surprised to find the Lady Bittercup poking her head out of her quarters. ¡°I am, too.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d just give you the Coin, if I could.¡± She tossed her pale, nearly silver hair over her cloaked shoulder, rose-tinted eyes apologetic as the Royal Coin she summoned immediately fizzled away. ¡°Nose Hair and Grabby have already vetoed any spending, though. Sorry.¡±


    Wren sighed inwardly. ¡°It¡¯s alright. Out of all of us, you¡¯re certainly the least to blame.¡±


    ¡°Hm, that¡¯s true.¡± Bittercup gave the general a little smile. ¡°Still. There are so few good men in the world. I can¡¯t help regretting seeing one get dogpiled like this.¡±


    ¡°...Was that a pun?¡±


    ¡°Of course it was.¡±


    A moment ago, Wren couldn¡¯t have imagined there was anything that could have stopped his march towards the communications tent. But now he found himself wondering what he actually knew about Lady Bittercup. She was a member of the Royal Court, but he was a little murky on whether or not she was actually nobility. And the only individuals who could access Royal Coins were the side¡¯s sovereign and whomever was directly handed them, so unless she was a deviously disguised King Glandem she¡¯d had some exposure to Players.


    Also Nose Hair (Or was he Grabby?) had called her a whore when he¡¯d been flustered out of remembering to praise and exalt her. And when he¡¯d asked the King¡¯s steward for access to someone with Royal Coins, the man had first thought his request was salacious somehow. How strange.


    Well, she had never been anything but polite to Wren. And considering his current options, that put her in rarified air. ¡°I¡¯m going to send a message to Quercus,¡± Wren started, bowing his head slightly. ¡°Would you like to join me?¡±


    Bittercup shrugged amiably. ¡°Okay, why not?¡± She emerged from her tent, draped in a body-length cloak. ¡°Lead the way.¡±


    The soldier in charge of the carrier parrots smartly saluted when Wren and Bittercup entered, though the general was more interested in the cages lining the wall of his tent than his observance of proper decorum. ¡°Why are all of those empty?¡±


    ¡°Oh, um¨C¡± The soldier started going down the line. ¡°The first one was sent to inform Quercus that a new race had been discovered?¡±


    Wren nodded; he¡¯d ordered that one. ¡°Okay, and the rest?¡±


    ¡°The second was sent to inform them that the fortress would soon be retaken, the third was an addendum that the kobolds were traitors, and the fourth reiterated the message that victory was at hand.¡±


    Wren briefly soothed himself with his fantasy of wringing the nobles¡¯ necks once more. ¡°And let me guess, the fifth was to say that we had in fact lost the battle?¡±


    ¡°Well,¡±¨CThe soldier fidgeted uncomfortably¨C¡±In point of fact, it said that you had lost the battle.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± Bittercup nodded sagely. ¡°Personal pronouns. Very important.¡±


    ¡°So we just have this one bird?¡± Wren gestured towards the purple and yellow parrot quietly preening itself, the avian messenger utterly unperturbed by the general¡¯s rising anger. ¡°We can only send one more message?!¡±


    ¡°Um, yes.¡± The soldier nodded. ¡°You¡¯ve nailed it, General Wren.¡±


    ¡°Trees be damned.¡± Wren snapped open the cage, the parrot happily waddling onto his arm. ¡°This is going to have to be the best message I have ever sent.¡±


    Bittercup raised her eyebrows. ¡°Oh, well now I really am glad I left the tent. How often does one get to witness the best message ever sent?¡±


    Wren snorted in response, amused in spite of himself as he pressed forward into a clearing at the very edge of the camp. He brought his arm around, the parrot clacking its beak as the general gave his message. ¡°General Wren reporting. A new power threatens us from the north. Send reinforcements or Quercus Itself may not be safe. Until then, will defend position with my life.¡±


    Then he pushed out his arm and the parrot took wing, soaring out into the growing dusk. That would have to do.


    Bittercup frowned sadly, reaching out to touch Wren lightly on the shoulder. ¡°I feel like I should say I¡¯m sorry again.¡±


    After a moment, Wren shrugged, craning his head around to offer the woman a helpless smile. ¡°Well, who am I to¨C¡±


    fwip


    Wren immediately stiffened, turning his head back around just in time to watch the parrot plummet from the sky. He and Bittercup shared a wide eyed look, and then they both rushed into the woods that hugged the northern exit to the zone.


    It didn¡¯t take long to find them. Wren stared in mounting distress at the six dead parrots littering the forest floor, each killed with a single perfect arrow. What was going on in this zone?


    Bittercup opened her mouth, only for her words to melt into a yelp when Wren shoved her out of the way, his sword leaping from its sheath even as the arrow that had been aimed for her chest thudded into his shoulder instead. The figure that had emerged from within the woods lowered its bow, fading back into the darkness even as two more emerged to take its place, axes held ready at their sides.


    And as they did, the camp began to burn.

 34. They Hunt at Night

    It wasn¡¯t supposed to have gone like this. Prince Ceril was certain it was not supposed to have gone like this.


    He¡¯d seen it clearly. A Hero¡¯s Return. Yes. That was always his fate, wasn¡¯t it? Why else would he have been so cruelly cast aside, so wrongly overlooked? Sent so coldly into exile in the most backwater region of the entire Kingdom, and by his own Father no less?


    And why? Because of some quibble? Some harmless prank against the Thirteenth Prince? Surely, there were those who might observe that brothers should treat one another kindly, and that the Thirteenth Prince was only six. But where were those clucking hand-wringers when Prince Ceril was even younger than six, and Prince Ceril was being ¡®pranked¡¯ by his older brothers?


    So what, the cycle of violence was supposed to end just when it was Ceril¡¯s turn to stop taking the violence and start giving it? That¡¯s not how cycles work, idiots!


    No, obviously he was simply being brought low so that his ascent would be all the higher. Prince Ceril knew that. He¡¯d known that the moment he first spied those three hairless mongrels. He¡¯d known that after they revealed their villainous nature by committing the vile sin of taking a Prince hostage. He¡¯d even known that after they slaughtered his entire squad of Rangers.


    All merely a building of suspense. Merely the System and Fate and the World weaving a masterpiece.


    Admittedly, his resolve wavered somewhat as days gave way to weeks and he was still a prisoner and these kobolds were still undestroyed. It was that sneakthief Shin. The big one whose name he could never remember was strong, and a few other of the dog monsters were mildly impressive in the way monsters sometimes were, but Shin. Fucking Shin. Thought he was so smart, with his lies and his words and his threats.


    But he didn¡¯t know everything. Oh no. He didn¡¯t know that despite being the most noble of princes from the most noble of elves, Ceril could lie, too.


    And so he carefully weaved a web of his own, flawlessly thwarting the Schemer¡¯s attempts to misuse and abuse him. It took no time at all to completely win the dumb kobolds¡¯ trust, and even Shin the Oh-So-Smart was his best friend before the mongrel knew what was happening. And once he¡¯d tasted the sweet wine that was Prince Friendship, there was nothing he wouldn¡¯t do for another taste.


    And so when Dummy Shin let slip his plans for a ¡®Grand Alliance¡¯, Ceril knew that his moment had come. He played his part perfectly, of course. ¡®Why yes Shin, I do think the Proud Oaken Elves would agree to ally with you stinky dogs!¡¯ ¡®Why no Shin, I absolutely won¡¯t reveal your devilry the instant you least expect it!¡¯ A flawless plan, executed flawlessly.


    Sorry, Shin. Let the knowledge that you were ever-so-briefly a Prince¡¯s best friend comfort you as you plummet to the depths of Dog Hell.


    So why, then, had the attack on the kobolds failed? Sure fine yes Ceril had forgotten about the Royal Coins; nobody¡¯s perfect. But then Wren had made some wild accusation about Shin tricking Ceril, about some big set-up? That the kobold had played his little tune and Prince Ceril had danced right along, nothing more than a moronic puppet?


    Ceril wanted to believe that was nonsense. Best friends don¡¯t double cross each other¡¯s double-crosses. They simply die, acknowledging both their utter trouncing and their immortal bonds of comradery with their final breath. But Shin was the worst person in the world, so the prince supposed anything was possible.


    One fact was abundantly clear: Prince Ceril needed a new best friend.


    Count Elmbo and Duke Margold had seemed like possible candidates at first blush. They¡¯d held the prince at arms¡¯ length at first, certainly, in that charming Oaken Elf sort of way. But they had become such pleasant company when Prince Ceril had made his masterstroke known. Now that things hadn¡¯t turned out quite so nicely, though, they were back to their previous frigidity.


    Well, that just meant it was time to use the Princely Charm for which Ceril was known so well. ¡°You know, Elmbo old man,¡± the prince started, carelessly waving his flembas biscuit, ¡°There are some juicy court appointments available right now. When we return to Quercus, I¡¯d be happy to inquire after them for Margold and yourself.¡±


    Elmbo snorted, the taller elf¡¯s oddly plump ears wobbling with ill-humor. ¡°Oh no, Prince Ceril. I must insist you don¡¯t mention my name to the court.¡±


    Ceril tittered. ¡°Come now sir, that''s enough humility! Think of your future!¡±


    ¡°I am thinking of my future.¡± Elmbo took a joyless gulp from his wine. ¡°I am confident that having my name linked to yours would be roughly as beneficial to me as having this wine linked with deadly poison.¡±


    ¡°Ha! I say, ha ha!¡± Ceril laughed at Elmbo¡¯s fine wit, the other noble cringing for some unknowable reason. ¡°Well I suppose that court life isn¡¯t for everyone, eh old boy? I¡¯m almost ready to agree with that sentiment myself!¡±


    Margold huffed, the shorter elf carelessly dropping his empty wine glass to the ground. ¡°Oh truly, Twelve? Maybe if you ask Wren nicely, he¡¯ll take you on as his aide-de-camp.¡±


    Ew, no. Still though¡­¡¯General Prince Ceril¡¯. Or no wait: ¡®Prince General Ceril¡¯. That had a certain panache to it. Yes, a majestic prince driven low by the jealous grasping of an indulgent court and the treacherous plots of an six year old boy, rising up from the first to the highest heights of the Ever-Growing City as the General of the¨C


    ¡°Trees be damned, he¡¯s daydreaming again.¡± Elmbo knocked back the rest of his drink, then stood purposefully to his feet. ¡°Alright, that¡¯s enough of this.¡± He nodded towards Margold, already headed towards the pavilion exit. ¡°Let¡¯s collect Bittercup and get the fuck out of here. Someone paid for a Grand Gala and if she¡¯s not around, King Glandem will have to use someone better.¡±Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Ceril blinked. Oh. It was time to leave? But, he was still finalizing the plan to¨C


    Margold whistled, utterly unconcerned about whether Ceril was coming or not as he joined his colleague. ¡°That¡¯s a pricey ticket. Someone new, or¡­?¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± Elmbo waved his hand dismissively, equally uncaring about their Ceril Status, ¡°It¡¯s that weirdo Dark Grist again. Must have sold an organ or something to be able to afford twenty Royal Coins.¡±


    Holy Shit, twenty Royal Coins? Whatever that was all about, Ceril wanted to be there for that action. The two nobles winced with distaste as the prince wedged himself between them, throwing his arms around the shoulders of his two new best friends. ¡°Well then what are we waiting for? Let¡¯s grab her and¨C¡± Ceril stumbled when Elmbo and Margold stopped in their tracks, briefly puzzled before he realized the source of their shock.


    Oh. The camp was on fire.


    Oh. The camp was under attack.


    Ceril¡¯s throat went dry as he watched the mayhem unfold, strangers with axes clashing with desperate elves as figures with knives emerged from the shadows to drag the ambushed soldiers away screaming. The attackers were so caked in mud and filth and blood that they seemed more like revenants than people, nightmare creatures summoned from the minds of mortals to deliver the punishment all men know they ultimately deserve.


    It was impossible to tell how many attackers there were. To Ceril¡¯s eyes, they may as well have been infinite. And the Oaken Elves that had survived that day''s battle were in no state to put up a defense. Nearly a third of them had already been cut down, the remaining few who had not already been dragged away hesitantly lowering their weapons as the wild figures demanded their surrender.


    Hope flared up in Ceril¡¯s gut. Surrender. They were taking prisoners. The prince had no idea what these savage beasts may have planned, but he did know that he¡¯d accrued quite a bit of prisoner-experience lately. Maybe one of these insane raiders was looking for a new best friend to eventually be double crossed by?


    Before Ceril could throw himself prostrate to the ground, however, one of the attackers took a step towards Elmbo and Margold and both elves began to shriek in terror. ¡°Save us!¡± Elmbo squealed, quaking so hard that his fat ears smacked him in the face, ¡°Defend us with your lives you bastards!¡±


    Call it devotion. Call it blind obedience. Call it a poor decision made out of shock. But when Elmbo ordered them to fight, more than a few of the surrendering elves attempted to do just that. And then there were more than a few more Oaken Elves dying.


    This was not how this was supposed to go, Ceril marveled, his face being shoved into the dirt by a horror who reeked of old gore. This was not how this was supposed to go at all.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Wren¡¯s left arm dangled limply at his side, a worrying numbness lancing down to his finger tips. He was battered, bruised, exhausted, and had an actual arrow sticking out of his shoulder. All he had on his side was his sword, a terrified Villager he seemed to recall had the Courtier Specialization, and a deep understanding that every fight from here on out was going to be for his life.


    Bad odds. Bad position. But these strangers were burning his camp. Those were his soldiers they were trying to kill. Wren knew his duty.


    The two strangers came forward as one, clearly familiar with the idea of fighting with numbers. But their movements were too straightforward, too brash. Spoke to a lack of experience in a straight on fight. That, or these two were wasting a truly spectacular bluff on a grievously wounded opponent. In that edge case, this would be a rather flattering death.


    If it wasn¡¯t, though, the night wasn¡¯t lost yet.


    The general adjusted his stance, positioning his wounded side away from his oncoming foes as he shifted the grip on his sword. Right was feinting low, then Left was coming high. Wren surged forward into Right¡¯s phantom blow, stepping past the stranger and beyond Left¡¯s wild swing as he repositioned himself behind both of his opponents.


    Good. Not a bluff, then.


    Wren¡¯s sword darted out, Right crying out in pain as the elf¡¯s blade came back stained red. The elf straightened, preparing to take the fight to Left, and then staggered as the third figure who had fired the arrow leapt onto him from behind.


    The elf roared in pain as the bastard on his back dug his fingers into his arrow wound, his sword slipping from his grip as Left abandoned the pretense of civilized fighting and tackled him full on. Then it was nothing but teeth and fists and nails, both foes savagely tearing at the parts of Wren¡¯s body left exposed by his armor.


    One of them grabbed hold of the arrow piercing Wren¡¯s shoulder and ripped it out, the elf almost choking in agony as the cold pain in his arm exploded in a white-hot bolt of electricity. All four sets of his foes¡¯ fingers immediately scrabbled for his open wound, single-mindedly focused on their opponent¡¯s most glaring weakness. Wren desperately attempted to swat away their burrowing claws, wildly flailing out with his good arm.


    He couldn¡¯t drive them away from their target, but his hand did manage to find the newly freed arrow.


    The back-jumper gurgled in surprise as the arrowhead plunged in and out of his throat, shooting upright as he clutched at the spurting wound. Left immediately pulled away from his assault, reaching out for his partner as Wren quickly stabbed a trio of punctures into his gut. The elf staggered to his feet, blood dripping into his eyes and his arm nearly gloved with crimson as he woozily scanned the ground for his sword.


    Instead he found Right, one hand clutching the wound at her side as the other held a knife to Bittercup¡¯s throat. ¡°You,¡± the wild figure growled, ¡°Enough from you.¡±


    Bittercup¡¯s eyes went wide as the blade pressed more insistently against her neck, a small whimper of fright escaping the Lady¡¯s lips. What else was there Wren could do? He let the arrow slip from his fingers, more weary than he¡¯d even been in his whole life as two more strangers appeared to take him in hand.


    Wren was too tired to bother clinging to dignity as his captors pushed him onward, stripping his armor from his blood and sweat-drenched body as they manhandled him back into the camp. The fighting there already seemed done, bodies strewning the ground as more of the strangers corralled the surviving elves into a line and on their knees.


    Execution line. Couldn¡¯t be anything else. Wren¡¯s exhaustion vanished as his mind began to race. He just needed to get himself as close to the start of the line as possible. If he attacked the headsman, maybe some of the other soldiers could make a break for it.


    As one of the strangers stepped forward to add him to the line, however, one of his captors veered the general off into another direction. ¡°This one¡¯s a boss. He goes up.¡±


    The other stranger didn¡¯t argue, and Wren found himself and Bittercup being shunted away from the soldiers and towards the pavilion the elf had stormed out of not half an hour ago. To his deep displeasure, the two nobles and Prince Ceril had survived the attack. And here Wren was with only one arm. How was he supposed to strangle a noble with just one arm?


    He¡¯d just have to improvise when the time came. Until then he would have to contend with whoever it was they¡¯d all been brought here to meet.


    The man was the very picture of wildness, his scorn for the elegant trappings of the officer¡¯s tent radiating off him in almost visible waves as he crouched in a coiled squat. He was dressed in an odd mish-mash of armor that Wren slowly realized must have come from a panoply of foes; at a glance, Wren recognized a pauldron of human make, a thick gut-belt in the Beastman style, and a leaf-emblazoned gorget that could have only once belonged to the Oaken Elf General Wren had been sent to replace.


    The man scratched idly at the blood caking his face and unruly beard as he squinted an eye at Wren. ¡°Hmph.¡± He ran a hand over his shaved head, his wolf-like ears twitching. ¡°Did this one fight?¡±


    One of Wren¡¯s captors raised his voice. ¡°Three on one. Got two good.¡± He wobbled Bittercup, the woman going as stiff as she possibly could. ¡°Gave up when this one was threatened.¡±


    ¡°Ha.¡± The man squinted his eye at Wren again, weighing and evaluating. ¡°Fine then. He can go to the line with the others.¡±


    ¡°I think I can offer an alternate option.¡±


    Wren¡¯s two guards gasped as someone breezed past them, releasing their hold on the general. But he was too tired to make a break for it, or attack, or even do much of anything besides stare bleary eyed at the familiar figure who had apparently strolled straight into this horrorshow without a care in the world.


    If the boss raider was surprised, he hid it remarkably well. ¡°Of course you can, Shh. Always scheming.¡± The man spat. ¡°That¡¯s you straight down to the fucking ground.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Shin, Higen. You need to work on that memory of yours.¡± The kobold glanced over his shoulder at Wren, regret clear on his face. Or, at least, Wren thought it was. The world was messily beginning to spin, and he was quite certain he was about to pass out.


    At least Wren managed to keep his eyes open long enough to see Shin whirl around in a savage backhand, smashing Prince Ceril so hard across the face that a tooth went flying from the elf¡¯s mouth. That was the closest thing to a victory Wren was going to taste today.


    And you know? As Wren faded into cold blackness, he had to admit that it tasted pretty okay.

 35. The Wild Children of Tasan Okaa

    At its most basic level, being a Schemer was about understanding how people would react within given circumstances.


    Once you had that read on a target, playing into or undercutting those reactions could both yield advantageous outcomes. Case in point: there was almost no chance Prince Ceril would have ever seen the true potential in Shin¡¯s Grand Alliance concept, so once he¡¯d agreed to support it the kobold knew that his betrayal was all but assured.


    That directly led Wren into making a disadvantageous attack, and that led directly to the kobolds and hobgoblins taking the day. Shin planned on Ceril acting in a specific way, and the fact that the elf marched arrogantly down the path presented to him was the key to victory.


    That didn¡¯t mean Shin had to be happy about it.


    He hauled Prince Ceril up by his shirt collar, the elf dazed and bleeding from the mouth. ¡°You careless lump of trash,¡± Shin hissed through gritted teeth, ¡°How many of your own people would still be alive right now if you¡¯d backed my play?!¡±


    The prince cringed away from the Schemer¡¯s outrage, putting up a token effort to defend himself. ¡°Y-y-you couldn¡¯t be trusted! The waystation! You¡¯re a-a-a murderer!¡±


    ¡°You spied on us,¡±¨CShin gave the prince a hard shake¨C¡±You demanded violence when we sued the other Rangers for peace,¡±¨CHe shook Ceril again¨C¡±You conspired to attack us from behind while we attempted to ally in good faith.¡± At this point, Shin was practically throttling the helpless elf. ¡°Your pride and arrogance has killed every single Oaken Elf you have ever led us to!¡±


    Shin dropped Ceril to the ground, the prince wheezing for breath as he still attempted to marshal some defense of himself. ¡°I, you¡­was a p-prisoner!¡± He sucked in a deep lungful, something like the old princely demeanor coming back to his eyes. ¡°You treated me like an animal!¡±


    ¡°You attended our celebrations. You ate your meals alongside us. I gave you my sleeping quarters. You think that¡¯s being treated like an animal?¡± Shin¡¯s lip curled as he inspected the sniveling pile of elf once more, then turned his head away in disgust. ¡°Well. You¡¯ll have a chance to reconsider that soon. Believe me.¡±


    Ceril groaned piteously as Shin turned towards Higen, amusement cracking through the blood drying on the wild man¡¯s face. But before the Schemer could say anything, one of the feral kobolds grabbed him by the shoulder. ¡°What are you doing, house dog?¡± He growled, scorn radiating from his every feature. ¡°You think you can just barge in and¨C¡±


    The kobold¡¯s challenge died in his throat as Shin spun around, his eyes blazing. The raider attempted another growl as his supposedly tame opponent stepped directly into his space and just kept walking forward, their foreheads soon fully pressed together. Shin¡¯s eyes bored unflinchingly into the other kobold¡¯s as he forced him backwards, the shocked wild pup soon finding himself stumbling outside of the pavilion.


    The tense standoff between the kobold raiders and the group from the fortress screeched to a halt as Shin and his challenger burst outside, ¡®tamed¡¯ and ¡®wild¡¯ alike staring in rapt attention at the confrontation. The raider tried his best to regain his footing, too hard-pressed to work up an effective snarl as Shin forced him backwards relentlessly. And then the wild kobold misplaced a step, and tumbled to the ground.


    The crowd let out a low rumble of anticipation as Shin loomed over the shivering kobold, his every inch seeming ten times as tall. ¡°You stay there until I come get you.¡±


    The formerly defiant kobold broke eye contact with a shiver, offering a halting nod in response.


    ¡°Good dog.¡±


    Shin straightened, taking a moment to inspect the kobolds Higen had gathered. They were of a kind alright, and clearly all Wilders like Higen. Or rather, whatever Wilders upgraded to. He glanced past the uneasy visage of Bex and the tense expression of Hilde, settling on Momo¡¯s focused, intense gaze. ¡°Have your priests see to the wounded. Elves too.¡±


    Momo nodded, the kobold and hobgoblin priests and priestesses immediately rushing to the prisoners and raiders alike. ¡°It¡¯s done.¡±


    ¡°Gero.¡±


    The big woman looked up with a start, a flush having creeped into her cheeks as she watched Shin bully the other kobold into the dirt. ¡°Um, yes?¡±


    ¡°If anyone tries to stop a prisoner from being healed, or gets in our way, or does anything you don¡¯t like, crush them.¡±


    Gero¡¯s face split in a wild grin, her embarrassment forgotten but her flush only getting brighter. ¡°Absolutely.¡±


    Without another word Shin strode back into the pavilion, greeted by the unfamiliar sight of Higen¡¯s approval. ¡°So you remember some of the Old Ways,¡± the wild-looking kobold mused, ¡°Interesting.¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    Shin offered a noncommittal noise, picking up a tatter of Oaken Elf tabard to wipe off his forehead. ¡°So anyways. It seems as though the out-of-doors suit you, Higen. What Class are you, now?¡±


    Higen shrugged broadly. ¡°I don¡¯t give the same weight to magical pages of words as you do, Shin. But it lists me as a Wild Son of Tasan Okaa.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin tilted his head to one side, considering that. ¡°Was it strange, suddenly finding yourself dedicated to a Goddess you¡¯d never heard of before?¡±


    ¡°Everything that has ever happened to any of us has been strange. That was the only one that felt right.¡± Higen smiled, his grin very white through the black of his beard and the red of the blood on his face. ¡°We only have three things in the wild, Shin: Our pack, our teeth, and The Great Mother. Anything else is just luxury for house dogs.¡±


    ¡°Ah. ¡®House Dogs¡¯. So, me.¡±


    Higen cocked an eyebrow. ¡°Of course you, Shin. Don¡¯t tell me you¡¯re ashamed of that all of a sudden. Make no mistake; I know better than the youngbloods. I know that wearing nice clothes and taking your shoes off inside and putting on airs doesn¡¯t mean you¡¯ve lost your bite.¡± He smiled again, a slice of ivory cut through crimson. ¡°You¡¯re already teaching them that, I see.¡±


    ¡°Hm. Maybe.¡± Shin tossed the scrap of tabard onto Ceril, the prince still cowering in the corner. ¡°While we¡¯re talking about teaching. You were sloppy at the fortress.¡±


    Higen¡¯s smile vanished as if it had never even existed. ¡°Fuck you I was sloppy.¡±


    Shin frowned. ¡°You and yours left your scent all over the grounds.¡±


    ¡°Like hell we did.¡± Higen growled, leaning forward. ¡°We always cover our tracks. After we were done, even I couldn¡¯t pick up a trace of us anymore. So what, your nose is that much better than mine, is it?!¡± Shin opened his mouth to respond, only for Higen to throw up a halting hand. ¡°Wait. Shit. You¡¯ve got that Aura that further boosts racial traits, don¡¯t you. Fucking shit.¡±


    ¡°Sloppy. Like I said.¡±


    Higen spat. ¡°Yeah yeah yeah. I get it.¡±


    ¡°Anyways.¡± Shin took a moment to glance back outside, inspecting the line of sitting Oaken Elf prisoners. ¡°We need to have a longer discussion soon. But for right now, let¡¯s get this sorted out.¡±


    ¡°Wait.¡± Higen cocked his head to one side. ¡°Where¡¯s the pious speech? About our values and morals and shit? I was so prepared to laugh at you.¡±


    Shin scowled. ¡°Like I said. Longer discussion soon. But if you want the short version now, here it is: I can achieve in the daylight the things you make possible in the middle of the night.¡±


    Higen flattened an ear, his brow furrowing. ¡°Not following. But fine, whatever. Until later.¡± He rose from his crouched position, taking a moment to stretch his back before waving a finger towards the elves assembled in the pavilion. ¡°These are the leaders. You always have to deal with the leaders first.¡±


    True. So that meant Ceril, Wren, the two other nobles and a female elf that Shin supposed must be the oft-mentioned ¡®Lady¡¯. Might as well start with the easy ones. ¡°Wren should be with his men.¡±


    ¡°I agree.¡± Higen caught the eyes of a nearby Wild Son, the kobold moving forward to remove the still-unconscious general. The lady elf made a strangled noise as Wren was dragged away, looking lost and helpless as she watched him go.


    ¡°Him I¡¯m keeping.¡± Shin pointed towards Ceril. ¡°I can still squeeze some use out of him. But these two¡­¡± Shin tilted his head at the quivering Elmbo and Margold. ¡°Hm. Did they fight?¡±


    The ghost of Higen¡¯s smile returned. ¡°I asked the same thing. No, they didn¡¯t. They did force their men to fight after the battle was already lost, though. Maybe fifteen, twenty of them died for no purpose?¡±


    Elmbo, amazingly, decided to take a shot at defending himself. ¡°T-t-their duty! It was their DUTY to¨C¡±


    Shin and Higen snarled at the same time, both elves managing very small squeaks as the canine sound of intense displeasure echoed through the pavilion. The two kobolds stared flatly at the prisoners for a long moment, eventually straightening up to resume their conversation as if nothing had happened. ¡°So, no.¡± Higen shook his head. ¡°They did not fight.¡±


    ¡°So why are they here?¡± Shin made a face. ¡°They¡¯re shit. Shit gets buried.¡±


    At that Higen burst into a barking laugh, slapping his leg in approval. ¡°You do remember the Old Ways! Good!¡± He whistled, four more Wild Sons and Daughters stepping into the tent. ¡°These two.¡±¨CHe pointed towards Elmbo and Margold¨C¡±Bury them.¡±


    As the blubbering nobles were dragged off into the night, never to be seen again, Shin considered the final fate they had to decide. The Lady sat ramrod straight, her eyes squeezed closed and her mouth held tightly as she forcibly controlled her breathing. Interesting, is she meditating? Why had this elvish noblewoman developed such advanced mechanisms for working through high-stress situations?


    Honestly, Shin had been close to calling the Oaken Elves a complete wash. Wren would never surrender to him, he knew it. And the soldiers wouldn¡¯t either, not after they¡¯d seen their general executed anyhow. But now he had a potential new tool at his disposal.


    Scheming, after all, was about understanding how someone would react within given circumstances. And this elven noble, smart enough to know she¡¯s beaten but strong enough to will herself not to break? Shin was willing to gamble that he knew how someone like that would react when everything was on the line.


    ¡°What is your name, my Lady?¡±


    The elf let out a careful huff of air, giving herself a moment to banish the quaver of fear from her voice. ¡°It¡¯s Bittercup.¡±


    ¡°Bittercup, I need you to do something for me.¡±


    She took in another steady breath, visibly steeling herself against whatever was coming. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°I need you to help me save everybody''s lives.¡±

 36. Honor, Oaths and Swears

    Hilde caught Shin by the arm as he stepped out of the pavilion, her voice kept diplomatically low but her tone serious all the same. ¡°What¡¯s the big plan here, Furball?¡± the hobgoblin asked, her eyes warily keeping watch over the Wild Children and the prisoners. ¡°Because if we¡¯re about to execute all of these elves, I don¡¯t think I get the twist.¡±


    ¡°Of course you don¡¯t.¡± Higen strolled out behind Shin, his hands folded behind his back as he raised an eyebrow at Hilde. ¡°You might be with us, but you aren¡¯t one of us. You¡¯ll never truly understand us.¡±


    ¡°Okay first off?¡±¨CThe hobgoblin took a quick, scathing inventory of Higen¨C¡±You look like you¡¯ve got a shed full of chopped-off feet somewhere. So maybe take a step back from the whole ¡®Look at How Spooky I Am¡¯ aesthetic you¡¯re hammering away at. You¡¯ve blown straight past ¡®Scary Predator¡¯. You¡¯re at ¡®Forest Weirdo¡¯ now. Alright?¡±


    By way of a response, Higen spat.


    ¡°Gross.¡±


    Shin motioned for Hilde to walk with him, the woman shooting Higen a final dirty look before following along. ¡°I get it, Hilde. Really. You joined your Tribe to ours with a knife practically pressed to your throat. There wasn¡¯t much of a chance to become familiar with our less¡­decorous side.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Shin; I think nighttime forest murder definitely counts as non-decorous. Er, un-decorous?¡±


    ¡°Indecorous.¡±


    Hilde snapped her fingers. ¡°Right, that.¡±


    ¡°The point is, I¡¯d totally understand If after this is finished, you wanted to leave and¨C¡±


    ¡°No no no, Shin. No.¡± Hilde waved him off. ¡°It¡¯s not like that. Becoming part of this family saved us. Honestly if something you were doing was that much of a dealbreaker, I¡¯d be much more likely to try and run you out than to leave myself.¡±


    Shin grinned. ¡°I¡¯d turn every corner expecting you to jump out at me with a rock in hand, no question.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just that this ¡®bursting out of the woods and burning everything down¡¯ business is some real hobgoblin-type shit. You know?¡± Hilde scowled, fussing with the sash that held up her sword. ¡°I want something different for my guys. We could have done that stuff back where we came from.¡±


    ¡°Then let¡¯s figure out exactly what we are going to do, together.¡± Shin extended a hand. ¡°Alright?¡±


    Hilde peered down at the offered shake for a moment, then playfully bumped her shoulder into Shin¡¯s. ¡°Geez, this got so serious.¡± She stuck out her tongue. ¡°Just keep in mind that if you¡¯ve got more ransacking on the docket, I¡¯m well acquainted with all the best places to bite you.¡±


    That was a good point. Maybe this whole plan needed a bit of a rework. ¡°I call a time-out.¡±


    ¡°Oh no, Shin.¡± She grinned impishly. ¡°As has been heavily established, time-outs will not be honored.¡±


    With that she broke off to join the others, a bit of a sashay in her stride. Good, this pushback was good. As his plans had grown bigger and began to invite more conflict, he¡¯d worried that the kobolds he¡¯d already led to the grandest victories of their lives would be inclined to simply go along with whatever strategy he suggested. Having Hilde and the hobgoblins around to potentially call out whenever his worst impulses flared up would be a relief.


    It was also a relief that Hilde either hadn¡¯t pieced together, or was choosing to ignore, a vital truth that Shin had sussed out almost immediately. Namely, why did Higen and the Wild Children wipe out the fortress, then leave it wrecked and easy to retake? The answer was simple: so they could come back and kill whichever group claimed it next. Shin very much hoped Hilde never realized exactly to what extent joining the Alliance really did save all of the hobgoblins¡¯ lives.


    ¡°Well the hobgoblins are better than the human, at least.¡± Higen sounded unconvinced in spite of his faint praise. ¡°Doubt one¡¯ll ever have the makings of one of the Wild Children, though.¡±


    ¡°Yeah and I¡¯m sure they are heartbroken.¡±


    Higen spat again. ¡°So anyways. You¡¯re going to let the elves live, are you?¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°If at all possible.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Higen scratched at his blood-caked beard. ¡°The Children won¡¯t take that well. Not that you can¡¯t be a convincing little shit, at times.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a convincing Big shit, at all times. And your attack dogs aren¡¯t going to be an issue.¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± Higen tilted his head, a bit of a sneer seeping into his voice. ¡°You did okay facing down one challenger, but do you really think the whole pack will¨C¡±


    ¡°Momo.¡±


    Higen fell silent as the little priestess broke off from the group, her eyebrows questioningly raised. ¡°Yes, Shin?¡±


    The Schemer glanced towards the clump of Wild Sons and Daughters, confirming for himself what he¡¯d already suspected. ¡°Our newfound brothers and sisters have been without the Great Mothers¡¯ ritual and service for too long. Would you be willing to tend to them?¡±


    Momo¡¯s eyebrow just barely arched, solely for Shin¡¯s benefit. But she clearly understood the ploy, and played her own part to perfection. ¡°It would be my honor and pleasure.¡± She turned towards the raiders, the normally ferocious kobolds as rapt and disarming as newborn pups. ¡°You have been alone for so long in the wilds, Children. Let me share the grace and comfort of our Great Mother with you.¡±


    The Wild Children followed without a growl of dissent as she began to lead them back to the fortress, just as Shin suspected they would. Even if their name wasn¡¯t a dead giveaway, it seemed clear that Higen¡¯s formative thrashing by Momo had emerged as a wholehearted devotion to the clergy in his inheritors.


    Shin considered offering Higen a smug look. See? That¡¯s how you deal with a pack of unruly dogs. But the wild kobold had followed Momo as well, so the option wasn¡¯t even on the table. Hrmph. Taking the high road was not as rewarding without a low road to gawk at.


    Oh, almost forgot. Shin gave a loud snap of his fingers, the Wild Son he¡¯d bullied into the dirt jerking upright from the spot he¡¯d been placed in. ¡°You can go, too.¡±


    The kobold immediately bolted off after his pack, but not before offering Shin a look that was perhaps fifteen percent resentment, eighty-five percent appreciation. Not bad. It¡¯d be a long term project, but at least Shin knew that house-training them was possible.


    He had other concerns at the moment, however. Removing the Wild Children from the picture was the first step, but peace was in no way a sure thing. There could still be many more deaths today. And it would all depend on the choice of a single elf.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    As Wren stirred back to consciousness, his first thought was that he was probably dead. He wasn¡¯t in pain anymore, after all. Though a lack of pain in the afterlife would tend to suggest he¡¯d been granted entrance to one of the Divine Boughs, and Wren had never been a particularly devout man. Too many Gods. Too confusing to remember who did what. Couldn¡¯t keep the prayers straight.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    In point of fact, when compelled to offer homage to the seemingly endless Oaken Elf Pantheon, Wren would invariably fall back to the only invocation he knew wouldn¡¯t bring down the wrath of any of them: ¡®Fuck Tilthu Che, the God of Swears!¡¯. The vast majority of the godhead didn¡¯t care, Tilthu Himself found it grudgingly appropriate and Ooloo, the Goddess of Wordplay, apparently thought it was hilarious.


    Shit. Wren hoped he was not in Wordplay Heaven. Wren would not have a good time in Wordplay Heaven.


    It was with momentary relief, followed immediately by cold understanding, that he realized he wasn¡¯t in any sort of Heaven at all. He was stripped of his armor and placed in a row with all of his soldiers, arranged at the pleasure of the kobolds and hobgoblins who imperiously stared down at them. An execution line, then.


    Wren groggily cast an eye to his either side. So few left. So few.


    The elf turned his head back as a familiar voice spoke, his vision still a bit blurry. Oh, it was the kid. So they were involved with all of this. Oh well. It would be some other brand new, already world-weary general¡¯s problem in a few moments.,


    ¡°--listening? General. Wren.¡±


    Wren straightened up with a start, having not realized he¡¯d zoned out. Gods but he was tired. ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡±


    Shin leaned forward, his expression severe. ¡°I want you to pick one of your soldiers. Whomever you trust the most.¡±


    Really? Wren hadn¡¯t thought the kid was the type for these sorts of cruel games. So what, would the chosen elf be tortured? Or have to swing the blade? Either way, Wren knew the only choice was to just get this over as quickly as possible for all of his soldiers. That didn¡¯t mean he had to play exactly by the rules as set, though.


    ¡°The soldier I trust the most is myself,¡± he croaked out. ¡°I pick me.¡±


    The kobold straightened, inscrutable. ¡°General Wren has picked himself.¡± He cast his eyes out across the other soldiers. ¡°Does anyone volunteer to take the general¡¯s place?¡±


    Every single hand shot into the air, Wren silently cursing the loyalty of his troops as Shin picked one out at random. The chosen elf was young, so young, yet held herself so strong and proud as she rose from the line and stood at attention. Trees be damned. Good for you.


    Shin beckoned the soldier forward, the elf immediately marching into the wolves¡¯ den without a second¡¯s hesitation. Wren couldn¡¯t look away, dreading the inevitable turn but unwilling to dishonor his soldier¡¯s sacrifice by not witnessing it personally. But then, the kobold produced a scroll. ¡°This was written by Lady Bittercup,¡± he said, placing the parchment into the hand of the deeply surprised elf. ¡°Take it to Quercus and put it directly in the hands of the highest ranking person you can find.¡±


    The soldier gripped the letter tightly, her eyes widening. ¡°I¡­you mean, I can go?¡±


    Shin nodded, but the elf hesitated. She glanced over her shoulder at the general, relief and shame and uncertainty warring for control of her face. She was clearly waiting for Wren to say something, so he cleared his throat. ¡°It¡¯s okay. You should go.¡± Still she delayed, and so Wren raised his voice. ¡°GO!¡±


    Wren watched the soldier bolt off into the night, anticipating some ambush or arrow to take her from behind as she ran further and further from the light of the smoldering camp. But none came. Then this¡­wasn¡¯t some game?


    Wait. Lady Bittercup. Wren turned back towards his captors, realizing that the noblewoman was standing on their side of the divide. He considered then immediately discarded the possibility that she had been in league with the kobolds, an ember beginning to burn in his gut as he raised his increasingly clear voice. ¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡±


    Shin stared back, his face still the picture of seriousness. ¡°Everybody getting to live, I hope.¡±


    Wren¡¯s pulse raced in his ears, his mouth working by itself. ¡°I must inform you that my code of honor doesn¡¯t allow me to cooperate with a wartime enemy of the Oaken Elf people. If you try to take me as a prisoner, I am duty bound to fight back.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°What about your soldiers?¡±


    The general raced to get his words out as quickly as possible. ¡°They are under no such obligation and so they should and do surrender immediately.¡± The Oaken Elf troops immediately began to protest, only to quiet when Wren raised his voice. ¡°SHUT UP!¡± He swiped his furious eyes across the faces of his sullen soldiers until he was convinced they would keep quiet. Then, he turned back towards Shin, an enormous weight lifting from his shoulders. ¡°My troops surrender, son.¡±


    ¡°But not you?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± He shook his head. ¡°I do not.¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°If you really want to fight¡­¡± He indicated with his thumb, and one of the hobgoblins tossed a sword to the ground in front of Wren. ¡°There you go.¡±


    Wren stared at the weapon, scarcely believing this turn of events. ¡°I¡­¡± He scrunched his face, willing the tears of relief that threatened to burst forth back inside. ¡°You¡¯re letting me die with sword in hand? In a final duel?¡±


    ¡°A duel?¡± Shin made a face. ¡°Don¡¯t be stupid. You can die with a sword in hand, but the second you pick up that sword you¡¯re going to be shot with around a dozen arrows. A duel, he says.¡± The kobold huffed. ¡°I had no idea you were such a romantic, general.¡±


    That¡­fine. That was better than nothing. Wren inched forward, beginning to reach for the sword, only to stop when he realized Bittercup had stepped to the front. ¡°General. Wren.¡±


    Wren looked up, noting the tears streaming from the noble¡¯s rosy eyes. ¡°Lady Bittercup?¡±


    ¡°Look at your soldiers, general.¡± She swept out an arm, indicating the elves to Wren¡¯s either side. ¡°They¡¯ve been through so much today. They have lost so much. Are you really going to make them watch you die, too?


    ¡°I¡­¡± Wren balked, his fingers curling away from the sword. ¡°I, my duty though, we¡¯re at war¨C¡±


    ¡°Well technically, no.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Wren blinked, staring incredulously up at Shin¡¯s satisfied expression. ¡°What do you mean we¡¯re not at war?! We just had a damned battle!¡±


    ¡°Was that a battle?¡± Shin scratched thoughtfully at his chin, glancing back at Mimasu. ¡°Mimi, did we have a battle today?¡±


    ¡°Ah, no~!¡± The scribe flipped through his notes. ¡°We had a ¡®diplomatic incident¡¯ today. I am very sure of that. I took a lot of notes.¡±


    ¡°A diplo¡­what?!¡± Wren was lost and confused, and very close to just snatching up the sword so he wouldn¡¯t have to listen to this anymore. "That makes no sense!"


    Gero shrugged. ¡°Makes sense to me. We never declared war. Don¡¯t imagine you guys ever declared war either.¡±


    ¡°And even if you did, you don¡¯t know the name of our Side anyway.¡± Hilde winked. ¡°So unless you guys are amazing guessers, it wouldn¡¯t count anyways.¡±


    Oaken Elves were not amazing guessers. Still, though. ¡°But that¡¯s just wordplay,¡± Wren insisted, ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean anything. Even if you can twist phrases around to claim we aren¡¯t at war, you are absolutely in conflict with my people.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean anything?!¡± Bittercup glared at Wren. ¡°It means we all get to live. It means you get to live.¡±


    Shin raised his voice. ¡°General Wren, put everything else aside for a second. Trust between us is strained, I know. But be honest: do you truly believe it¡¯s my desire to destroy your people?¡±


    ¡°...No. But honor¨C¡±


    ¡°Right, but your honor demands we don¡¯t cooperate anyway.¡± Shin shrugged. ¡°So if we have to fight because of a stupid reason, why can¡¯t we not fight for a reason that¡¯s just as stupid?¡±


    Wren mulled that over, the sword glinting insistently in the corner of his eye. In the very short time he¡¯d been alive, his every move had been in accordance with his duty to honor and his duty to his people. Until this moment, both paths had been the same. But if they had to diverge? Wren knew the path he would take.


    ¡®


    Wordplay, huh? ¡°...Alright, son. Alright.¡± But before Shin could respond, he drew in a breath and threw back his head. ¡°FUCK TILTHU CHE THE GOD OF SWEARS!¡±


    A roar of exuberant approval broke out among the soldiers, every elf immediately taking up the general¡¯s oath. ¡°FUCK TILTHU CHE THE GOD OF SWEARS~! FUCK TILTHU CHE THE GOD OF SWEARS~! FUCK TILTHU CHE THE¨C¡±


    Hilde leaned in to Shin, her tone baffled as she stared at the wildly chanting elves. ¡°Elves surrender really weirdly.¡±


    Shin thought it was sort of great, himself. He only hoped he¡¯d have further opportunities to witness the display in the days to come.

 37. The Higher Planes of the Mod Chat

    Shin slept, but the System did not.


    The voice that came from some infinite distance high in the sky was clearly agitated, its terse voice the sound of clouds boiling. ¡°Enough of this radio silence shit, okay? This is your monthly. You are contractually required to talk to me today.¡±


    The voice that echoed out from the emptiness between every space that ever was chuckled, its amusement like the lordly shadow of a condescending moon. ¡°I¡¯d bet you¡¯ve had to say that last line more times in your life than you ever anticipated.¡±


    ¡°Ha-Fucking-Ha.¡± Sky Voice seemingly shuffled some papers, the scrape of the material brushing against itself sheering the sky from dawn to dusk and back again. ¡°Okay first and foremost: What¡¯s their status in regards to the Ring? Because when they hit Level Three, that stupid lake is probably gonna¨C¡±


    ¡°No, no; it¡¯s fine.¡± Empty Voice waved its hand dismissively, each nonexistent finger swiping ethereal through the souls of all beings. ¡°There¡¯s no danger there.¡±


    ¡°Oh. So you don¡¯t think it¡¯ll turn into¨C¡±


    ¡°Nah it definitely will. Fucking Doug. If he¡¯d just finished that river or pond or whatever it was the design doc called for, there¡¯d have been no chance for an issue like this.¡±


    ¡°Jesus.¡± Sky Voice drummed its fingers, each tap the explosion and rebirth of an entire star. ¡°What happened to that guy, anyway?¡±


    ¡°What do you think happened? Like Mundi¡¯s gonna pay severance or whatever.¡± Empty Voice scoffed, the stone of the earth quivering in blissfully wicked humor. ¡°I¡¯m sure they just suspended his Keycard and then looked the other way until the issue solved itself. He¡¯s probably still in the Emulsion somewhere.¡±


    ¡°Right. So why isn¡¯t this an issue again?¡±


    ¡°The same reason it¡¯s not an issue for any other assets near the Ring? The Edge is still there, doing its thing, so even if they somehow managed to make it that far that¡¯s where they¡¯d stop.¡±


    ¡°Okay sure, I can sell that. Fine, next issue.¡± Sky Voice flipped to another paper, a new iteration of reality reknitting itself over the tatters of the old one as it did. ¡°Alright, Big Picture Time: Is this interesting yet?¡±


    Empty Voice shrugged, the mountains surging into the heavens and down into the depths in tandem with the motion. ¡°You¡¯re the one with the outside perspective. Do you think it¡¯s interesting?¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­sure? But¡­¡±


    ¡°But what?¡±


    Sky Voice sighed, the heavens unfurling with its consternation. ¡°Why are they named wrong?¡±


    ¡°Named wrong?¡± Empty Voice queried, trees bursting from the ground to tilt in confusion. ¡°What do you mean, ¡®named wrong¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Kobolds aren¡¯t dog people. They¡¯re lizard people. Shouldn¡¯t they be gnolls?¡±


    ¡°Gnolls are hyena people, you mouth-breather. We already have those. We already have lizard people, too, like two dozen of them.¡±


    ¡°Rat people, then?¡±


    ¡°Those are kobolds in some other game; Mundi¡¯s not gonna get their ass sued over this shit. Besides, kobolds are dog people sometimes, too. Coach Wanwan in Doki Doki Monster Gakkou is a dog girl and she¡¯s called a kobold.¡±


    Sky Voice huffed, its exhalation displacing galaxies. ¡°Fine whatever; I¡¯m not gonna look up whatever furry hentai you just linked me to try and win a point. What about them joining with the hobgoblins, then?¡±


    ¡°Seriously? I thought that was one of the better bits.¡± Empty Voice raised an eyebrow at Sky Voice, the air solidifying in a show of challenge. ¡°You¡¯re honestly going to sit there and claim samurai hobgoblins aren¡¯t cool?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not about them being cool, it¡¯s that Civilized hobgoblins never work out. They¡¯re a designated Monster race. The Players get confused, and the Player solutions to whatever confuses them are invariably apocalyptic.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Empty Voice seemed unimpressed, every motion in the world ticking slower. ¡°Sounds like a ¡®Next Update¡¯ problem to me.¡±


    Sky Voice stuffed its papers back into a file, inverting all directions across existence. ¡°Look, it doesn¡¯t even matter. This whole Alliance whatever could be the most interesting thing we¡¯ve ever done and it wouldn¡¯t matter. We¡¯ve got existing investment in that sector, and these not-lizard people are already pushing up against that investment. Do you really think that a greedy piece of shit like Agent Dickhead will be willing to just play nice and share?¡±


    ¡°That code name is hilarious.¡±


    ¡°That is so beside the point.¡±


    ¡°Well, who said I expected him to share?¡± Empty Voice¡¯s smile curled catlike, all life shrinking inward to avoid being noticed by the devilish gleam in its invisible eye. ¡°I just think the kobolds are interesting. D.H. has been stagnant lately anyway; he gets lazy. Doesn¡¯t this seem like a gift-wrapped opportunity to spice things up?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Ohhhh.¡± Sky Voice fumbled its notes back out, possibilities cascading chaotically against one another. ¡°You sneaky little bitch; I should have known. Have you been pushing them in this direction?¡±


    ¡°No need. Not yet, anyway. Besides, I wanna see how the face-to-face with D.H. goes before really sinking my hooks in. If they even get that far; Big Dog¡¯s probably going to miss his chance to cut off his revenue stream. Either way, I¡¯m just a bit player for now.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve definitely got a big picture concept though, right? You always do. What¡¯s it gonna be? Meta-Event? A new Pathway? Ooo, a permanent Festival?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re underestimating the amount of juice this has. I was thinking something with a little more¡­oomph.¡±


    ¡°Whoa, you mean¨C?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right. I¡¯m thinking RAID.¡±


    That word RAID echoed in on itself endlessly, all things both thinking and otherwise cowering away from the utterance¡¯s horrible power. It was so overwhelming that Sky Voice¡¯s otherwise godlike tones could barely be picked out. ¡°Hey, who¡¯s the anon listening in?¡±Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    ¡°Eh?¡± Empty Voice¡¯s speech was likewise almost indecipherable. ¡°I thought it was one of your interns or something. It¡¯s probably just a passing Shell or whatever.¡±


    ¡°Sure. Well, we¡¯ve still gotta talk for another¡­fucking three hours I guess. I think Mundi counts this as a therapy session for HR purposes.¡±


    Both voices began to fade away, that unspeakable curse RAID continuing to blare out like a shrieking thunder blast. ¡°Fine, whatever. What are you doing for lunch?¡±


    RAID


    RAID


    RAID


    ¡°I was thinking Olive G¨C¡±


    RAID


    RAID


    RAID


    RAID


    RAID


    Shin burst awake with a gasp, only the comforting weight of the drowsily-stirring kobolds he was entwined with keeping him from thrashing himself back unconscious.


    What the fuck.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The brisk work of the crafters and workers as they hammered away at the destroyed waystation wasn¡¯t nearly enough to distract Shin from his profoundly fascinating and deeply upsetting dream. Not even close.


    The spectacle should have intrigued the Schemer; the System didn¡¯t seem to particularly care what sort of repair work was done, simply that it be done inside the Conquest Node itself. So a few Villagers restitched tents, some pounded pointless nails into the still-smoldering wall, and one seemed to be fruitlessly tapping a saw against the ruins of the firepit. And still the Repair Bar went up and up, bringing the waystation that much closer to repair and their Tribe that much closer to Level Three. That much closer to potential Sanctuary. So strange. So cool.


    But Shin couldn¡¯t marvel at the oddities of his world at the moment. He was too busy being terrified by the oddities of his world. Those were the voices from before, right? From when he changed from a mongrel? The ones that had casually suggested deleting them was an option? The kobold had assumed that was some fever dream concocted by his evolving mind, but this seemed to be clear and frightening evidence that it was simply not so.


    Okay. Stop tail tucking, and start sniffing out treasures. There was a lot of potentially useful information in that nightmare, between all the weird nonsense and hideous declarations. This dream wasn¡¯t just a threat, it was also a gift.


    Also he suspected his codename was ¡®Big Dog¡¯, and despite his best efforts Shin couldn¡¯t help but find that incredibly flattering.


    Alright, So. ¡®Agent Dickhead¡¯ was definitely someone in the Oaken Elves, right? And the two voices seemed to imply they had some form of contact with him? Was D.H. a normal person like Shin, or was he also some sort of otherworldly being, like a Player or one of the Voices? And what was that about a revenue stream?


    Ugh, Shin almost felt like he knew less now than he did before he didn¡¯t know anything. Still, there was one thing he absolutely had to know before he went any further. Fortunately for him, there was someone on hand who might have the answer to all of his questions.


    ¡°Hey, Bex?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± The honorary kobold looked over from where she was nailing a tent to the side of a tree. ¡°What¡¯s up, Shin?¡±


    The Schemer carefully stepped over the pile of late-sleeping kobolds, nearly tripping over the snuggling pile of Mimasi, Karikari and Hanbun as he approached the curious girl. Shin glanced over his shoulder, then leaned in and kept his voice low.


    ¡°What¡¯s a Raid?¡±


    The Player blinked. ¡°Oh! Wow, I¡¯m surprised you¡¯ve heard of those.¡± She tilted her head, trying to decide how she could explain it. ¡°Well, a Raid is like a whole zone that¡¯s always set to a specific story, and a big group of players goes through to complete its challenges?¡±


    Shin squinted in confusion. ¡°What do you mean, ¡®always set to a specific story¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Okay, um, it¡¯s like this: In the Harpy Queen¡¯s Revenge, it always starts with the Flock Knights setting the town of Rockhaven on fire, and the Players have to, like, kill the harpies and put out all the fires that are on the buildings and townspeople and stuff. But then when the Raid is finished, everything goes back to the start.¡±


    ¡°The townspeople are on fire?¡±


    ¡°Sure, but the Players put them out.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, but what about when they finish the Raid?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Bex considered that. ¡°Well, I guess they go back to being on fire.¡±


    ¡°They go back to¡­¡± Shin shook his head, trying to process the concept. ¡°So when no one is doing this Raid, all the people are just endlessly on fire?¡±


    ¡°Um. Yes.¡± The Player furrowed her brow. ¡°And actually, no one really does that one anymore. The stats on the Boss Loot are bad. So, uh, Rockhaven and the people who live there probably spent most of their time burning down.¡±


    Fucking Hell. ¡°What is a Boss?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex brightened up again. ¡°That¡¯s like a big fight against a special NPC that¡¯s really tough, and after you kill them you can get weapons and armor and stuff.¡±


    ¡°So¡­and then what? They¡¯re just dead?¡±


    ¡°What? No, no; they respawn so the¡­er,¡±¨CBex slowly began to reconsider her excited expression¨C¡±...So the next group of players can kill them.¡±


    Shit Fucking Hell.


    Bex awkwardly tapped her fingers together, ears drooped as she tried to fill the silence. ¡°Um, you know, when I was telling my friend who plays the game about you guys? He said that you and Gero and Momo kinda sounded like a good Council-Type Boss. That¡¯s where¨C¡±


    ¡°Stop, stop, please stop.¡± Shin waved a hand, the other pressed to the bridge of his nose. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to hear anymore.¡±


    ¡°Right, sorry.¡± The girl shrugged sheepishly. ¡°It¡¯s not like you have to worry about that, though. Raids are all super high level stuff. Waaay on the far end of the Path of Destiny. Those kinds of things don¡¯t happen at this level.¡±


    ¡°But what if one did?¡± Shin asked insistently. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that spice things up?¡±


    ¡°A lowbie Raid?¡± Bex paused. ¡°I mean¡­yeah? That actually sounds kinda great?¡±


    Shin suspected the Empty Voice, whoever that was, thought so as well. Just as he suspected that self-same Voice was watching them from somewhere very close. He could only thank his lucky stars that Sky Voice and Empty Voice were still obligated to talk for another hour or so, or else he may not have had this opportunity to get these horrifying answers out of Bex.


    And that was the most important thing. Shin had to pretend like he hadn¡¯t heard anything. If he could keep himself from being caught, maybe he¡¯d have a chance to eavesdrop on another backroom chat. But if he was found out? The kobold shivered. He didn¡¯t want to think about it.


    Particularly not when there were other, more pressing issues at hand. A shout had gone up from the zone barrier, and that could only mean one thing: the Oaken Elves were sending their response to Bittercup¡¯s letter.


    That was fast. According to the relay of Wild Children hiding out at the entrance and exit of every zone between Shinki Itten and Quercus, the message had only just now reached the city. And they¡¯d already sent back their response? Shin had hoped they¡¯d be at Level Three well before the letter worked its way up to someone with enough pull to organize the reply.


    Well it was done now. The only question was, what was that reply? Shin tuned out the din of the reconstruction effort to focus on the howls the relay kobolds used as shorthand. Hm. Well they weren¡¯t sending just a letter, but there also wasn¡¯t an army on the way. It sounded like¡­three elves coming? Was that¨C


    No. Shin had missed a touch of the nuance in his first listen. The Oaken Elves hadn¡¯t sent three of their own. Their reply was three Players.


    Well he definitely agreed with Empty Voice on one matter: This had certainly gotten interesting.

 38. The Return of the Status Screen

    Shin tapped his fingers restlessly against his cheek, mulling over the Wild Son¡¯s report. ¡°So how long until they reach the fortress?¡±


    ¡°If they maintain their pace? The end of the day.¡± The scruffy kobold pointed in the direction of the western exit from the zone. ¡°Now that they¡¯ve pushed through the more densely populated Oaken Elf zones, there hasn¡¯t been much to distract them.¡±


    It figured. The waystation was still at least two full days of work away from being repaired. So much for being a Sanctuary before the players arrived. Three players. Ugh. ¡°Did you manage to update your scouting report at all?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, actually.¡± The untamed ranger spat, a lovely habit that every single one of the Wild Children apparently picked up from Higen. ¡°The human¡¯s still up in the air, some sort of rogue or something, but we¡¯ve confirmed the Beastman is a Grappler. He stopped to update his Skills with some hermit trainer at the Quercus outskirts.¡±


    Hm. Grapplers were close combat specialists with a focus on stances and combos. That was both good and bad; if Shin could keep the Players talking, a Grappler wouldn¡¯t pose much of a threat. If talks broke down, though, the chances of him getting put into a headlock and smashed face-first into the ground went substantially up. ¡°What about the Grand Elf?¡±


    ¡°Not exactly sure, but he¡¯s definitely some sort of caster fighter hybrid. He¡¯s got a big damn sword but he uses magic for everything; saw him use an Icy Grasp spell to chill a bottle of wine at one point.¡±


    ¡°Right. So maybe don¡¯t shake that guy¡¯s hand.¡± Shin drummed his fingers again. ¡°Anything else?¡±


    The Wild Son shrugged. ¡°Only that all three of them are Level Twenty. We heard them talking about it; something about a ¡®soft cap¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex raised her hand. ¡°Yeah, the soft cap for players is Level Twenty! Once you hit that point your Experience gains drop to like nothing until you¡¯ve either gotten an Advanced Class or attached yourself to a Story Arc.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Gero tilted her head. ¡°I¡¯m Level Nineteen. The Players are only one level higher than me?¡±


    ¡°Sure, but One,¡±¨CHilde ticked up a finger¨C¡±A Player is much stronger than one of us, even at the same level. And Two,¡±¨CHe popped up another¨C¡±Even if you killed them, wouldn¡¯t they just come back? We¡¯d have to kill them forever, but they only have to kill any of us once.¡±


    Gero huffed, glancing expectantly towards Shin. ¡°You think I could kill those Players forever if I needed to, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Shin himself was Level Twenty; the battle against Wren had been an absolute feast of Experience for him. ¡°No question. Hopefully we¡¯ll find a solution that isn¡¯t quite so unending, but Plan Gero is absolutely just turning them into Player Paste until we get the Sanctuary up.¡±


    The big kobold puffed out her chest, pleased by the vote of confidence. Shin was going to do everything he could to make sure that Plan Gero never came to pass, however. They simply were not positioned to have a hot war with a force as firmly established as the Oaken Elves. If the Alliance was going to survive, they needed to keep this conflict as a series of political maneuverings until a way forward presented itself.


    This would be the first true test of their ability to solve problems without arrows and fire. If Shin couldn¡¯t pull this off? He¡¯d have to concede that Higen¡¯s way of doing things was the better path.


    Shin turned around to face the ad hoc War Council that had formed, his ears perked up attentively. Higen had vanished back into the unknown wilds, and Momo was overseeing matters at the waystation, but these five represented a solid cross section of the family they had all made together. ¡°Any last thoughts?¡±


    ¡°Not here.¡± Hilde picked a bit of lint off of her sword hilt, flicking it away. ¡°I¡¯ll just be ready to get my sword between you and a Piledriving Beastman if you accidentally insult his mother or something.¡±


    Gero huffed again. ¡°Not if I get there first.¡±


    Bex clenched her fists, looking completely determined. ¡°I messaged some of my friends; if things really go bad, I can probably get them to come!¡±


    ¡°Well don¡¯t look at me,¡± Bittercup folded her arms, her bulky robes swishing primly. ¡°I did my part already by writing that letter. Make no mistake: when the Players arrive, I will be hiding in the fortress.¡±


    ¡°Not me!¡± Mimi cheerfully saluted with his quill. ¡°Don¡¯t worry Shin. Whatever winds up happening, it will definitely be written down and properly annotated.¡±


    ¡°That is certainly a relief.¡± Shin glanced back over his shoulder towards the suddenly ominous western exit. ¡°Let¡¯s break for two hours. Everyone get your heads straight. After that, we¡¯ll form the welcoming committee and wait for our guests. Sound good?¡±


    As the others began to disperse back to their own devices, Shin noticed the Wild Son motioning him closer. ¡°I was wondering,¡± He started, his eyes locked on the departing form of Bex even as he spoke to Shin. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you get her to give you another Royal Coin? To immediately repair the waystation?¡±


    Shin frowned. He very nearly said ¡®because she¡¯s my friend, and friends don¡¯t use each other like that¡¯. But he was certain the untamed kobold would have had zero respect for that sentiment. And honestly? Shin wasn¡¯t entirely certain he wouldn¡¯t use a friend like that, assuming the stakes were high enough. ¡°She¡¯s a long term investment.¡±


    The Wild Son tilted his head. ¡°Meaning?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised I have to explain this to you." Shin raised an questioning eyebrow. "Let me ask you: Why didn¡¯t you just Raze the fortress for the experience bonus?¡±


    ¡°Because if we left it up, we could wait for a new target to..,¡± The Wild Son blinked. ¡°Ah.¡±


    Shin folded his arms behind his back, his ears flicking confidently forward. ¡°You can pressure someone into a favor once, maybe twice. But if you invest in a long term relationship with someone, a one-time favor can be replaced with an infinite string of smaller favors. I don¡¯t need Bex to solve this problem. I need her to help smooth down all of my future problems, forever.¡±


    ¡°Right, I get it.¡± The Wild Son¡¯s bored eyes had gained a new spark, almost looking impressed. ¡°The Boss was right. You are a sneaky piece of shit.¡±


    ¡°And don¡¯t you forget it.¡±


    The Wild Son nodded, turning around to head back to his lookout at the edge of the zone. That was everyone, then. All that was left to do was gather his thoughts and prepare for what was coming.


    That, and pull up his Status Screen in the vain hope that he¡¯d lucked into some new secret weapon. ¡°Status.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Citizen)


    Class: ¡°Tactician¡± (Lvl 20)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.


    Shin is apparently a special Schemer now. Oooo~! Does he want a special little hat? Does he do a special little dance? Shin is still a Schemer, through and through, no matter what anyone else claims. Trash is trash, and a dog in fine clothing is still a damn dog.


    Having pulled up his Big Boy Pants and strutted around for everyone to see how big and smart he is, Shin has finally waggled his flea-bitten ass in the face of one foe too many. Surely now he will receive the merciless spanking he so clearly deserves, right? Right?!


    Stats:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 16</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 20</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 50</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Ranged Specialization (Recurve Bow) Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency


    Class Features: Advanced Leadership (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold, Crafty), A Certain Low Cunning, Advanced Opportunism, Combat Savant, Ruse de Guerre, Perfidy


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Well, as was now practically tradition: Screw You, Description Section. One thing seemed clear, though: Whoever or whatever it was that added to his Status Screen, it wasn¡¯t either of the Voices. The tone was completely wrong, and Description¡¯s increasingly desperate thirst for Shin¡¯s humiliation didn¡¯t really jive with the borderline blas¨¦ demeanor of the entities from his dreams.


    Anyways. There had been no time to do much besides hastily assign his attribute points when he actually gained these levels, so he had a handful of new toys to inspect. It seemed as though two of his existing Skills had been upgraded?


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Advanced Leadership: Whether through experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it¡¯s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.


    As your experience as a leader has grown, so too has your ability to inspire those who live and die under your banner. One Leadership Aura at a time may be boosted to an Advanced Aura, granting increased boons and/or additional effectsIf you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence modifier</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Careful: If up to one source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.</li>


    </ul>


    Advanced Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they¡¯re down. You say that a winner never lets a foe get back up again. You¡¯ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you¡¯re all too happy to oblige.


    Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target¡¯s level, Mental Stats and mental state.


    At Level 20, the suite of Opportunism effects is expanded to include Advanced Tricks. Activating an Advanced Trick requires the Schemer to have Advantage and the opponent (or opponents) to have Disadvantage, and unless otherwise stated will consume both statuses. Advanced Tricks may only be activated outside of combat, and activating a second Advanced Trick automatically ends the effects of any that are already in effect.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Ugh, Advanced Opportunism seemed like the perfect place for a tool to use against these Players to be hiding. But Shin couldn¡¯t pick through its options until the chance to actually use one presented itself. Frustrating. Well this was absolutely something to keep in mind, but Shin was going to have to mark this ability down as a question mark for the moment.


    At least he could test Advanced Leadership immediately. The Schemer selected his Inspiring Aura, his eyebrows shooting up as all of his attributes increased. Okay wow, apparently the improved version of an Experience Buff was artificially raising his allies Level by one? What did the others do, then?


    Crafty seemed to just be the same effect but with all the numbers tuned much higher. A little boring, maybe, but absolutely worth it. It did make him long yet again for a Wizard class in their Tribal Pool; a combat squad supported by Clerics and Wizards, all casting their spells at a significantly increased rate? It was the sort of thing Shin dreamed of.


    Careful turned its damage negation into a full-on defense buff, but Bold was the second Aura to bring an entirely new effect to the table. And that effect happened to be a downside.


    ¡°Allies deal massively increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence¡­¡± Shin frowned, reading on. ¡°...Allies also receive increased damage, based on the same chosen stat.¡±


    Okay, so maybe not so much with that one. As much as Shin was a fan of massively increased damage, he was not as big a fan of his allies taking said damage. Under what circumstances would activating that Aura be anything less than using his friends and companions as suicide bombs?


    Well, hrm. Maybe if he had a way to negate increased damage. Like, uh, the baseline Careful Aura. Which he got to leave on constantly, for free. Holy Shit.


    Yeah, okay. Bold plus Careful. A match made in heaven. Maybe Plan Gero was a little more plausible than he¡¯d originally thought.


    Shin gave himself a quick shake, forcing himself out of his Value-based reverie. There was still more sheet to get through.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Ruse de Guerre: The history books are filled with the victories of peerless generals, outlining their crimson-cut paths through legend, and the taverns are filled with songs of the brave and heroic deeds that created those victories. But the Schemer understands that victories are not always about brave and heroic deeds. And while it seems unlikely that any taverns will be filled with any songs about your conniving, backstabbing, and thoroughly underhanded tactics, the history books will mark them as victories all the same.


    By activating this ability, you may invert a single Leadership Aura from an ally-affecting buff to an enemy-affecting debuff. While using Ruse de Guerre, you may not gain the benefits of Advantage.


    Perfidy: It is sometimes said that when one chooses the field of battle, one has already won that battle. But a true Schemer doesn¡¯t go to war unless they have chosen not only the field of battle, but also its date and preferably the knowledge that it¡¯s going to happen at all.


    When turning hostile against a neutral or friendly foe, or in direct violation of a ceasefire with an otherwise hostile opponent, Ruse de Guerre is automatically activated without its usual costs.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Woof. If it hadn¡¯t already been made abundantly clear, there was no question now: The System thought Schemers were assholes.


    And honestly? That seemed like there might be something to that.


    Asshole or not, Shin was certain that these new additions to his toolbox would be put to the test before the day was out. He didn¡¯t want to fight the Players. He didn¡¯t want to fight the Oaken Elves, either. If everything could win, Shin would be perfectly happy.


    As long as he, and his family, didn¡¯t lose. And if he had to pull some real deal backstabbing nonsense to make that happen? Shin would be just fine with that.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The howl that signaled the arrival of their guests had sounded from the far end of the zone at least ten minutes ago, but they¡¯d as of yet made their appearance. ¡°Seems like they¡¯re taking a scenic route,¡± Gero mused, her club propped on her shoulder. ¡°Bleh.¡±


    Hilde hummed in agreement, giving her sword a final pass with her honing stone. ¡°They want to see the sights. How whimsical.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a power move.¡± Shin forced himself to stop fidgeting in impatience. ¡°They know we¡¯re waiting, so by dragging their feet they¡¯re putting us off our game.¡±


    ¡°Oh that¡¯s diabolical,¡± Bex huffed, pounding her fist into her other hand. ¡°Are these guys pros or something?¡±


    Shin shook his head. ¡°I doubt it. If they¡¯re trying to play this type of game, they¡¯ve made it clear that they¡¯re here to talk. Not fight. They¡¯re giving us more than they¡¯ve taken.¡±


    ¡°Oh that¡¯s diabolical, too! Geez, everyone says the diplomacy stuff in Magica is boring, but this is really¨C¡± She trailed off, squinting her eyes. ¡°Oh hey, that¡¯s them right?!¡±


    It absolutely was. There were the three players, slowly approaching down the western road. They could take all the time they wanted; Shin was prepared for them. With Gero and Hilde at his either side, a Player of his own, and a fortress visibly lined with soldiers at his back? They could play all the games they wanted. Shin could make a statement without saying a word.


    Hell, even Mimasu¡¯s incessant scribbling added to the presence of their group. If these Players had been sent from Quercus expecting a ragtag group of dirty Monsters, they would soon be sorely mistaken.


    The Players had come close enough to be made out with some clarity by that point, one of them raising a hand in greeting. Let¡¯s see, he must be the Grand Elf Mage Fighter whatever, unmistakable in with his ornate broadsword and elegant elven garb. The Beastman Grappler was obvious as well, a massively muscled man with the head of a damn tiger dressed in little more than a pair of tights and a giant belt. And the third was¡­


    ¡­Brown hair, weird spit curl. Big, deeply-dimpled chin. Wide frog mouth. Eyes too small, too far apart.


    Leathers.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Monster)


    Class: "Tactician" (Lvl 20)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.


    Shin is apparently a special Schemer now. Oooo~! Does he want a special little hat? Does he do a special little dance? Shin is still a Schemer, through and through, no matter what anyone else claims. Trash is trash, and a dog in fine clothing is still a damn dog.


    Having pulled up his Big Boy Pants and strutted around for everyone to see how big and smart he is, Shin has finally waggled his flea-bitten ass in the face of one foe too many. Surely now he will receive the merciless spanking he so clearly deserves, right? Right?!


    Stats:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 16</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 20</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 50</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Ranged Specialization (Recurve Bow)  Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency


    Class Features: Advanced Leadership (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold, Crafty), A Certain Low Cunning, Advanced Opportunism, Combat Savant, Ruse de Guerre, Perfidy


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Advanced Leadership: Whether through experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it¡¯s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.


    As your experience as a leader has grown, so too has your ability to inspire those who live and die under your banner. One Leadership Aura at a time may be boosted to an Advanced Aura, granting increased boons and/or additional effects


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence modifier</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Careful: If up to one source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.</li>


    </ul>


    A Certain Low Cunning: You were born among the trash, not the tactics room, and no one would ever mistake you for some grand strategist. But when everything is on the line, and the only strategy that matters is ¡°Survive¡±, trash will often stand tall while tactics fall flat.


    Your Intelligence Modifier is increased by your Presence or Wisdom Modifier, whichever is higher. In addition, whenever you would gain Advantage you may choose to grant an opponent Disadvantage instead.


    Advanced Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they¡¯re down. You say that a winner never lets a foe get back up again.  You¡¯ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you¡¯re all too happy to oblige.


    Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target¡¯s level, Mental Stats and mental state.


    At Level 20, the suite of Opportunism effects is expanded to include Advanced Tricks. Activating an Advanced Trick requires the Schemer to have Advantage and the opponent (or opponents) to have Disadvantage, and unless otherwise stated will consume both statuses. Advanced Tricks may only be activated outside of combat, and activating a second Advanced Trick automatically ends the effects of any that are already in effect.


    Combat Savant: The greatest minds of the battlefield spend years crafting their martial art in the High Academies and monastic orders of the world, honing the ability to use their keen intellect itself as a weapon. You, on the other hand, were the top of your class at the School of Hard Knocks, learning suspiciously similar lessons with every filthy fight for your flea-bitten life.


    You may use your Intelligence Modifier in place of your Agility Modifier during combat


    Ruse de Guerre: The history books are filled with the victories of peerless generals, outlining their crimson-cut paths through legend, and the taverns are filled with songs of the brave and heroic deeds that created those victories. But the Schemer understands that victories are not always about brave and heroic deeds. And while it seems unlikely that any taverns will be filled with any songs about your conniving, backstabbing, and thoroughly underhanded tactics, the history books will mark them as victories all the same.


    By activating this ability, you may invert a single Leadership Aura from an ally-affecting buff to an enemy-affecting debuff. While using Ruse de Guerre, you may not gain the benefits of Advantage.


    Perfidy: It is sometimes said that when one chooses the field of battle, one has already won that battle. But a true Schemer doesn¡¯t go to war unless they have chosen not only the field of battle, but also its date and preferably the knowledge that it¡¯s going to happen at all.


    When turning hostile against a neutral or friendly foe, or in direct violation of a ceasefire with an otherwise hostile opponent, Ruse de Guerre is automatically activated without its usual costs.

 39. Three Players, a Schemer and a Detainee

    Okay stop. Stay focused, and think this through: that couldn¡¯t be Leathers, right? He had been marked as a Red Player, and every bit of information Shin had gathered made it clear that cleansing that status was a long, laborious process. And on top of that, nothing in his brief but memorable introduction had indicated that Leathers was even close to the sort of person who¡¯d be willing to go through that long, laborious process. Leathers, wherever he was, was still a Red Player. Shin was sure of it.


    Shin was almost entirely sure of it, mostly.


    Besides, Leathers only knew him and the others as mongrels, right? Even if this was him, maybe he wouldn¡¯t realize that Shin was one of the little hamsters he¡¯d sworn vengeance against. He¡¯d have a few clues, of course: their shared canine characteristics and their general proximity to the location of his defeat chief among them. But without giving up some other big hint, it might very well be possible to fool him.


    Another big hint like, say, Shin¡¯s obvious and panic-tinged recognition. Which he was realizing a little too late he¡¯d done a very poor job of hiding. Or Gero¡¯s reaction, for that matter; a quick glance over his shoulder at the big kobold¡¯s ramrod-straight tail and bared teeth revealed she was doing an even worse job of it than Shin was. Splendid.


    The Players were close enough to call out by then, and sure enough the Grand Elf didn¡¯t seem to miss the expressions on Shin and Gero¡¯s faces. He followed the eyes of the two kobolds towards his human companion, bursting out in laughter as realization dawned on him. ¡°Ha! It would seem they¡¯re already acquainted with your kind, Sir Dough.¡±


    The human made an annoyed face, or as much of one as he could manage when he already looked like an anthropomorphized frog.¡±Dunno why you think you can look down your nose at me, just ¡®cause I¡¯m not a cringe larper like you.¡± His scowl deepened. ¡°And for the last goddamn time, stop trying to fantasy up my handle. It¡¯s JellyDonut. Call me fuckin¡¯ JD if you have to, but can it with this frou frou ¡®Sir Dough¡¯ shit.¡±


    The elf¡¯s apologetic smile didn¡¯t come close to reaching his eyes. ¡°My mistake. I¡¯m sure the No One subseenit will be delighted by my faux pas.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t help himself upon hearing a term he¡¯d heard a few times before. ¡°No One?¡±


    Bex chimed in. ¡°Oh, um, they¡¯re like this group that thinks trying to roleplay in Magica is lame? They¡¯re loosely organized out of the grosser chans and stuff. You¡¯re supposed to show your allegiance by picking all the Number One options in the Character Creator, like you¡¯re a trial user. Number One, No One; get it?¡±


    Shin frowned. ¡°I only understood...like a third of those words, but I¡¯m absolutely confident I don¡¯t like any of that.¡±


    ¡°Oh, a fellow Outworlder!¡± The elf swept out his hand, his silken golden hair cascading down in a sparkling waterfall as he dipped into an impossibly intricate bow. ¡°Allow me to introduce myself, milady. I am Galwenlas All-Elven, Sage-Aspirant of the Star Poem Blade, Envoy Esteemed to His Majesty High Glandem.¡± He flourished again with his hat. ¡°Delighted.¡±


    The girl rubbed at her arm, awkwardly smiling as her ears drooped. ¡°Uh, yeah. Cool. I¡¯m Bex.¡±


    ¡°Sweet Lady Bex!¡± The elf straightened back up, brushing a lock of flaxen hair from his regal face with a wink that Shin was entirely certain he didn¡¯t like. ¡°I must say, you are simply charming! I have never met a¡­kobold, was it? But if they are anything at all like you, the Kingdoms of Magica are certainly in for a treat.¡±


    ¡°Um.¡± Bex glanced towards Shin for help. ¡°Cool?¡±


    Before the Schemer could respond, however, JD rolled his eyes. ¡°You know he¡¯s absolutely a fat dude in real life, right?¡±


    Bex balked at the No One¡¯s accusation, her ears shooting up in consternation. ¡°Hey! That¡¯s not true! You dick!¡±


    ¡°Oh sure whatever~¡± The No One rolled his eyes again. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re definitely a sexy dog chick back at home, too. Fatso.¡±


    Shin threw his hand out, as much to hold off the lowly growling Gero as it was to silence the foul-mouthed human. ¡°If you insult our friend again, you can turn around right now and let King Glandem know that you have failed.¡±


    The human rolled his eyes again. ¡°Whatever.¡±


    That wasn¡¯t good enough for Gero. ¡°Apologize!¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± JD eyed Gero up and down, his gaze noticeably lingering on her chest. ¡°Do what not?¡±


    The big kobold threw her arm around Bex¡¯s shoulder, her free hand gripping her club tightly. ¡°Apologize to Bex now!¡±


    ¡°Ha! Yeah, like I¡¯m gonna¨C¡± JD swallowed back his words when Galwenlas hissed something into his head, the human¡¯s already ugly face puckering like he¡¯d just bit into a lemon. ¡°Fine. Sorry. Bluh.¡±


    Galwenlas clapped his hands together, clearly attempting to brush past the unpleasantness as quickly as possible. ¡°Well I think we can all agree that you¡¯ve met JellyDonut by this point. That just leaves our uncharacteristically silent friend Naotodate!¡±


    The towering beastman grunted, his voice a startling basso profundo. ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°Seriously? You¡¯re being crabby, too?¡± Galwenlas sighed. ¡°I know JD is difficult, but what¡¯s gotten you all pouty, Date?¡±


    Was the beastman being pouty? If Shin had been asked before that moment what a pouty tiger looked like, he¡¯d have had no clue. Apparently it was like this however. Still seemed pretty much like a normal tiger face to him.


    Apparently Galwenlas was on the money, however, because Date coughed in what seemed like embarrassment. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­¡±


    He mumbled something indecipherable.


    Galwenlas furrowed his brow. ¡°What?¡±Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    ¡°...muzzles.¡±


    Now it was Shin¡¯s turn to tilt his head. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°No muzzles!¡± The beastman huffed, folding his arms across his massive chest in irritation. ¡°Magica gets another animal race and those cowards at Mundi went with humanoid faces? It¡¯s just so typical.¡±


    ¡°And look how they¡¯re dressed, too.¡± JD reached out and flapped the hem of Shin¡¯s robe, snickering as the kobold pulled away in indignation. ¡°More weeb shit. Fuckin¡¯ great.¡±


    Shin tilted his head, catching the blazing eyes of Gero and Hilde in turn. Then, very carefully, he shook his head. He had to admit that he¡¯d taken a moment to see through the No One¡¯s outrageously aggressive rudeness, but now that he¡¯d had a moment to process it couldn¡¯t be clearer: he was deliberately trying to provoke a fight.


    All three of them were, probably.


    Drawing himself up with as much dignity as he could muster, Shin leveled a steely gaze at the three Players. ¡°Well. This has certainly been an¡­enlightening revelation about the status of the Oaken Elf Court.¡± The kobold raised his voice, addressing the furiously writing Mimasu without taking his eyes off of Galwenlas. ¡°Mimi, please send a message that our guest is to be¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait, wait~!¡± The Grand Elf offered his most ingratiating smile, rubbing his hands together pensively. ¡°This has gotten off to such an unfortunate start. On behalf of myself, my colleagues, and the Court of the Ever-Growing City, please accept my deepest apologies.¡± He dipped into a stiff bow. ¡°Gomen-nasai!¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°What does that mean?¡±


    ¡°It means, er, nevermind.¡± Galwenlas straightened back up, his cheeks a little red. ¡°Look, let¡¯s get right to it. Is the prisoner alright? King Glandem is simply beside himself, as are we all.¡±


    Okay good, finally this was getting to the actual discussions. Shin drummed his fingers against his arm, his expression aloof. ¡°I¡¯m not certain how I feel about that term, prisoner. We have detained individuals of interest connected to a diplomatic incident, but if King Glandem is accusing his neighbors of imprisoning¨C¡±


    ¡°No no! No, haha.¡± Galwenlas flapped his hand, a bead of sweat running down his temple as he laughed awkwardly. ¡°Merely a poor choice of words, I assure you! The Common Tongue is so boorish; I would have never made such a mistake in my native Grand Elvish, surely. The detainee is what I meant, absolutely.¡±


    ¡°Mm. I see.¡± Shin rubbed at his chin in a show of thoughtfulness, prompting another eye roll from JD. ¡°Well in that case, would you like to see the detainee yourself? We can continue our discussions after you¡¯ve seen for yourselves how the Alliance treats its guests.¡±


    Galwenlas let out a breath of relief. ¡°Yes, please! Truly you are a bastion of canine wisdom. Lead the way!¡±


    Shin motioned for the three Players to enter the fortress, Galwenlas offering Bex another unprompted bow before starting forward. The beastman followed without another word, though JD couldn¡¯t resist knocking his shoulder brusquely into Shin¡¯s.


    ¡°Oops.¡± The human grinned nastily, his frog-like mouth spreading almost all the way to his ears. ¡°¡®Scuse me, bot.¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not.¡±


    JD frowned, trying to decide if he¡¯d been insulted or not as Shin breezed past him. The rest of the Schemer¡¯s retinue followed, Hilde and Gero offering the human cold stares as Bex opted to stick her tongue out at the insulting man. Finding himself left alone, it was all the No One could do to roll his eyes for a nonexistent audience and follow in a sour mood.


    In contrast to his surlier companions, Galwenlas kept up a bright air of intense pleasantness as he oohed and aahed over the interior of the fortress. ¡°I have to say, this is quite nice!¡± He raised his eyebrows at Shin, seeming to reevaluate something. ¡°When I first heard that a new race and some hobgoblins had started a Tribe, I must admit I didn¡¯t expect anything quite this tidy!¡±


    Hilde smiled sweetly. ¡°We went light on the burning trash and heaps of skulls. They were really throwing off the energy of the place, you know?¡±


    The elf¡¯s smile tightened, unsuccessfully hiding his displeasure at being directly addressed by the hobgoblin leader. ¡°Yes, well. How nice for you.¡±


    Shin put a hand to Hilde¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Hilde, would you take command of the gate while I show the envoy to our guest? It would be unfortunate if unexpected guests were to arrive without us here to greet them.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Hilde took hold of her sword hilt and marched straight past Galwenlas, the elf flinching out of the hobgoblin¡¯s path with a look of distaste. Shin knew full well that if there were any other visitors sent by the Oaken Elves, the scouting Wild Children would have already sent up the alarm.


    But directing Hilde to the gates served a different purpose.


    Namely, highlighting the full detachment of kobolds and hobgoblins that manned the walls and garrison of the fortress for the benefit of their three guests. Shin didn¡¯t miss the way that Galwenlas¡¯s eyes lingered on the sight of a Kobold Bruiser restringing his Greatest Bow, the weapon outstripping the giant warrior by nearly two feet. The elf glanced over the breadth of the walls, noting that there were a dozen more of such figures and further soldiers still.


    Again, the elf¡¯s face clearly registered his recalculations. And then his smile somehow became even more ingratiating.


    Shin led the three into the central tower of the fortress, nodding to the stationed guards as they moved to open the doors leading down into the holding cells. ¡°You were all upset about the word prisoner,¡± Date grumbled as they started down the steps, ¡°But this sure looks like a prison to me.¡±


    Gero raised an eyebrow. ¡°It¡¯s a fortress. Our pleasure suites were all booked up.¡±


    Galwenlas hummed in dissatisfaction. ¡°Still, a detainee of such status shouldn¡¯t be kept in squalor, correct?¡±


    Shin shook his head. ¡°We don¡¯t keep facilities like that. I can¡¯t speak for the sensibilities of King Glandem, but we in the Alliance believe in the dignity of all beings, even the rankest of prisoners.¡± Shin raised an eyebrow at Galwenlas. ¡°Not that we¡¯re keeping any prisoners at the moment.¡±


    The elf simpered. ¡°Yes, right. Of course.¡±


    Jousting wordplay aside, that happened to be true. The holding cells below the fortress were rather stark, it was true. But they were clean, well lit and quite spacious. Maybe not comfortable, exactly, but on the more forgiving side of spartan all the same.


    It was better than Prince Ceril deserved, in Shin¡¯s personal opinion. But sometimes sacrifices needed to be made in the spirit of diplomacy.


    The royal elf was so startled by the door to his cell swinging open that he nearly toppled from his chair, his wooden tankard spilling water all over his small table. ¡°Here he is,¡± Shin intoned, gesturing grandly towards the flabbergasted prince. ¡°Feel free to count the arms and legs. You¡¯ll find they¡¯re all still there.¡±


    To his credit, it didn¡¯t take long for Prince Ceril to grasp what was going on. ¡°Oh!¡± He gasped in sheer relief. ¡°My father sent you! Oh Gods, thank¨C¡±


    JD jerked a thumb towards Ceril. ¡°Who the fuck is that?¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°It¡¯s¡­Prince Ceril?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The human squinted an eye at the elven captive. ¡°Quercus has a Prince Ceril?¡±


    ¡°Alright enough of this shit.¡± Galwenlas took hold of the hilt of his sword, his flowery tone going flat as Naotodate shifted into a ready position behind him. ¡°I¡¯m only asking this once, so your answer had better be good.


    Where is Lady Bittercup?!¡±

 40. The Grand Gala

    Cornered inside a prison by three increasingly hostile Players was, admittedly, neither the best time nor best place for introspection. But Shin simply couldn¡¯t help himself. The plan had certainly seemed solid: offer to reunite a Prince with his father as a step towards further diplomatic talks. But now here they all were, moments away from drawn steel, and King Glandem¡¯s envoys had never even heard of the Prince.


    At that precise moment, the fact that Shin had crafted a plan around the idea that someone might actually want Ceril came crashing down on him. Maybe he should just let these Players slaughter him; at least his shame would die with him.


    ¡°What do you mean?!¡± Cerill demanded of the human Player, his fists tightening around the bars to his cell as his face began to turn red. ¡°What do you mean ¡®a¡¯ Prince Ceril?¡±


    JD couldn¡¯t seem to help himself, despite the tense situation. ¡°So, Magica has lots of Kingdoms and Kings love to fuck. The Writers got tired of having to come up with unique characters for all those royals, so after the seventh regal brat the System starts pulling from a pool of Premades.¡± The No One grinned toadishly. ¡°King Oswaldo a few Kingdoms over has a Prince Ceril. He¡¯s a real piece of shit. Guess you¡¯re a real piece of shit too, huh?¡±


    Ceril sputtered in existential outrage, but for once Shin was grateful for his presence. The silver lining of someone like the Prince was that his tantrums managed to cover up an awkward stumble just as often as they fouled up an otherwise excellent moment.


    Shittiness could be a special talent, and there was no question Ceril had that talent in spades.


    ¡°Lady Bittercup is perfectly fine; put your sword away.¡± Shin was back on his game, his expression focused as he raised a steadying hand towards Galwenlas. ¡°Goddess, as if I¡¯d have put her in a holding room. She¡¯s the only Oaken Elf we¡¯ve ever met who hasn¡¯t betrayed or attempted to attack us yet.¡±


    ¡°So far!¡± Mimasu helpfully piped in.


    ¡°Right, so far.¡± Shin tilted his head at the Grand Elf, intrigued. ¡°If I¡¯d known she was who you wanted, I wouldn¡¯t have brought you down here. It¡¯s strange, though; how did you even know we had her with us? She wrote our letter to King Glandem, but I¡¯m absolutely certain she never mentioned herself.¡±


    Galwenlas¡¯s hand did not leave the hilt of his sword. ¡°Never mind all that. Where do you have her locked up, then? Undoubtedly your own private quarters, you ravenous beast!¡±


    Shin gave the Player a flat look. ¡°I don¡¯t have quarters here; we usually just all sleep in a giant ball.¡±


    That knocked the elf out of his fierce posture. ¡°I¡­huh?¡±


    ¡°Look, the point is that Lady Bittercup isn¡¯t even a detainee, let alone a prisoner. She¡¯s got her run of the fortress; give me ten minutes and I¡¯ll find her for you.¡±


    ¡°I¡­hmph.¡± Galwenlas straightened back up, letting his sword click back into its sheath with a little twinkle of astral energy. ¡°Hmph! Very well! See that you do, kobold, and if the Lady is truly unharmed then perhaps we may all leave as¨C!¡±


    He cut himself off as he caught a glimpse of Naotodate and Gero in the corner of his eye, the massive beastman and the equally massive kobold locked in the single most intense staredown Shin had ever seen. ¡°Seriously, dude?¡± Galwenlas whined, his flowery speech momentarily dropped. ¡°You hafta do this every time you meet someone tall?¡±


    ¡°I MUST!¡± the Grappler roared, pounding a fist into his chest as his eyes flared back at Gero¡¯s defiant gaze. ¡°The Tiger¡¯s Pride will NEVER allow him to refuse a CHALLENGE!¡±


    Galwenlas sighed as JD snickered, the elf running a beleaguered hand through his golden hair. ¡°He¡¯s going to be at this forever.¡± He cast an eye towards Shin. ¡°I¡¯m guessing yours doesn¡¯t give up, either?¡± When the Schemer shook his head, Galwenlas sighed again. ¡°Let¡¯s just leave them, then. I still don¡¯t fully trust that Lady Bittercup is unharmed and unmolested.¡±


    ¡°Go on, Shin.¡± Gero growled, her eyes never leaving Date¡¯s. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about us wrecking the place, either. I won¡¯t need to raise fists to beat this one.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t you FEEL IT?!¡± The beastman raged, ¡°Can¡¯t you feel the HEAT from the UNQUENCHED FIRE IN MY HEART?!¡±


    ¡°Jesus Christ he¡¯s getting worse.¡± JD shuddered.


    ¡°Mimasu, could you stay here and watch them?¡± Shin started back towards the stairs, motioning for Bex to follow him. ¡°So you can write down who wins.¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± The peppy scribe¡¯s eyes blazed, and suddenly there were three participants in the staredown of the century.


    With all the pretense of an afterthought, Shin called over his shoulder. ¡°I guess we¡¯ll figure out something to do with you later, A Ceril! Or do you prefer Prince Ceril the Second?¡±


    As the Oaken Elf shrieked in hideous rage Shin whispered to Bex, the unwanted prince¡¯s tantrum obscuring his voice from the other two Players. ¡°I need you to lead them astray for a while. I want a few minutes alone with Bittercup.¡±


    Bex nodded intently, and Shin indulged in an internal smile. Yet another flawless use of Ceril¡¯s first-rank Shittiness. Maybe Shin did want to keep him around.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin knocked on the door of the quarters Bittercup had claimed for herself, mulling over what he knew about this situation. It wasn¡¯t much, but he was certain of two facts.


    One: Out of all of the troops and individuals the Oaken Elves had lost in their ill-fated campaign, Bittercup was the only one King Glandem seemed to care about.


    Two: Bittercup had made it absolutely clear that she did not want to see the Players.


    It wasn¡¯t enough to give Shin a clear overall picture, but Shin was certain that he needed to speak with her before the Players got to her. And if Bittercup still didn¡¯t want to see them after Shin had asked his questions? Well. Plan Gero would go straight to the top of the list.


    The door cracked open just wide enough for a single rosy eye to peek through, creaking open another few inches after Bittercup confirmed it was just Shin. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± she queried, the tension in her voice betraying her unconcerned expression. ¡°Are they gone already?¡±


    ¡°No, not quite. May I come in?¡±


    Bittercup hesitated, then pushed the door open the rest of the way. ¡°Sure, fine.¡±


    She flounced into the chair stuck in the corner of the modest room, her bulky robes billowing as Shin closed the door behind himself. ¡°So what¡¯s the problem? Are they upset about Prince Ceril¡¯s condition or something? Because I¡¯m sure you could just¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that.¡± Shin lowered himself down on the bed, lacing his fingers together as he leaned forward. ¡°They¡¯re here for you, Bittercup. They are only here for you.¡±


    The elf¡¯s face turned stricken as she attempted to keep up her smile. ¡°I¡­don¡¯t see how that¡¯s possible. My letter didn¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°I know it didn¡¯t.¡± Shin offered the woman a rueful grin. ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything, either. But they nearly declared open warfare when I took them to see Prince Ceril instead of you.¡±


    Bittercup plucked at her sleeve, her strained expression turning sullen. ¡°Ugh. I¡¯m really not anybody. I¡¯ve got no idea why they¡¯d come after me when there are still dozens of¨C¡± She clamped her mouth shut, eyeing Shin warily once again.


    A picture of who he was talking to began to crystalize as Shin tilted his head at Bittercup. A dog that¡¯s been hit once too often shrinks away from every hand. It was clear that, whatever Bittercup¡¯s life in Quercus had been, she was desperate to escape it.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ¡°I want to help you, Bittercup. I¡¯m going to help you.¡± Shin knitted his brow together, empathy for this clearly abused stray welling up in his heart. ¡°If you want to tell me what it is you¡¯re running from, I¡¯m ready to listen. But even if you don¡¯t, I¡¯ll still help you.¡±


    Bittercup stared at Shin for a long moment, chewing her bottom lip with such frazzled nerves that she seemed likely to draw blood. Then she abruptly stood, taking hold of the clasp at her neck. ¡°Okay. You want to know my problem? It¡¯s this.¡±


    Then she ripped open her cumbersome robes and let them fall to the ground, baring herself to Shin and the world like a butterfly fresh from her cocoon.


    Shin straightened up, his eyebrows rising as he stared at Bittercup. The elf¡¯s hesitance had been replaced by a sort of fiery resolve as she planted her fists on her hips, every moment of silence that passed between the two of them further fueling her newfound fervor. ¡°Well? Say something!¡±


    ¡°I¡­I¡¯m sorry, and I know this was hard for you? But¡­¡± ¨CShin¡¯s ears flopped helplessly¨C ¡°What am I supposed to be looking at? Exactly?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Bittercup glanced down at herself, then back up at Shin with an incredulous expression. ¡°At me!¡±


    The kobold tilted his head helplessly, trying to piece together what he was missing. She¡¯d been fully clothed under the heavy robes she¡¯d been wearing for days, her traveling garb a bit mussed from all that time under a stifling outer layer. Were they special clothes?


    That must be it. ¡°Oh, um, I see? Did you¡­steal those clothes from King Glandem or something?¡± Shin¡¯s ears shot up; this was it! ¡°King Glandem likes to wear ladies¡¯ clothes and he¡¯ll do anything to keep it secret! Okay wow. Well he really should be more open about how he wants to live his life; I mean as King he can certainly¨C¡±


    Bittercup stomped her foot. ¡°Not the clothes! Me! The issue is me!¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°But¡­aren¡¯t you just a normal elf?¡±


    Now it was Bittercup¡¯s turn to blink. ¡°I¡­what?¡±


    ¡°Bittercup, I honestly have no idea what is going on here.¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t?¡± The elf considered that for a moment, wheels visibly turning in her head. ¡°Then I¡­I guess that means¨C¡±


    ¡°LADY BITTERCUP, OPPA IS HERE!¡±


    Both Shin and Bittercup jumped backwards as the door burst open, Galwenas and JD storming into the room just barely ahead of a protesting Bex. The Grand Elf let out a gasp at the sight of the woman and the kobold, his hand moving to dramatically unsheath his blade. ¡°I knew it! This creature is keeping you here as his plaything, isn¡¯t he?! Don¡¯t worry, my Lady, your oppa will¨C¡±


    ¡°No! No, good sir; no.¡± Bittercup swept forward, her demeanor instantly shifting to one of soothing contrition as she dipped into a small curtsy. ¡°Lord Shin was simply helping me to prepare for our introduction! I have anticipated this meeting ever so much!¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t miss the way that, despite her facade of acquiescent charm, Bittercup was keeping her breathing slow and deep. There were those stress management skills again.


    The Player, suffice to say, was not quite so observant. ¡°Oh you are simply a delight!¡± He dipped into one of his customary ornate bows. ¡°I am Galwenlas All-Elven, Sage-Aspirant of the Star Poem Blade, Envoy Esteemed to His Majesty King Glandem, and absolutely aghast that I hadn¡¯t yet noticed you at a previous Evening¡¯s Repast.¡± He extended a hand to Bittercup, who gave her own hand back with just the subtlest reluctance for Galwenlas to kiss. ¡°My dear, you are delicious.¡±


    ¡°Yeah and I¡¯m JD.¡± The human didn¡¯t seem likely to take his eyes off of Bittercup¡¯s neckline. ¡°How you doin¡¯, girl.¡±


    ¡°Wait a second.¡± A thought forced its way through Bex¡¯s distaste at the greetings of the other two Players. ¡°Bittercup, you¡¯re a Repast Girl?¡±


    Bittercup laughed airly, her cheeks prickling red. ¡°I¡¯m only a trainee? Honestly I don¡¯t see what all the fuss is about.¡±


    Shin wouldn¡¯t let this be brushed aside, though. Hadn¡¯t Bex said that the way Quercus earned most of its Royal Coins was through ¡®An Evening¡¯s Repast with King Glandem¡¯?. ¡°Bittercup, what¡¯s a ¡®Repast Girl¡¯?¡±


    ¡°You really didn¡¯t know?¡± Galwenlas chuckled indulgently, taking it upon himself to answer for the woman. ¡°I guess this truly was just a misunderstanding.¡± He gave Bittercup¡¯s hand a pat, the elven woman pulling her arm back as soon as the Player released it. ¡°Well. I suppose there¡¯s no harm in explaining. Are you familiar with the concept of Sliders, Shin?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Well it¡¯s like this: every feature of every race in Magica has an upper and lower limit that is specific to that race. So while individuals within a race will have variation, they still exist within a set framework.¡± The elf waved his hand flippantly. ¡°A puckling might be tall for a puckling, but can¡¯t be taller than four feet. A garganto might be short for a garganto, but not shorter than eight feet. You follow?¡±


    Shin nodded, already feeling his hackles beginning to rise as he looked over at the silent Bittercup. ¡°Yes, but what does any of that have to do with you, Bittercup?¡±


    Galwenlas continued to ignore who had actually been addressed. ¡°You see, King Glandem somehow found a specific phenotype that exists outside of the typical elven norms, and such wonderful ladies make up the¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh blah blah blah; he doesn¡¯t need the fuckin¡¯ sales pamphlet.¡± JD took a brief pause in eye-fucking Bittercup to roll said eyes. ¡°Oaken Elf Repast Girls have the best bodies of any elves in Magica.¡± With that said, he immediately resumed his ogling. ¡°Those are, like, human level titties. So awesome.¡±


    It would have been very easy for Shin to sink his teeth into JellyDonut¡¯s neck at that moment. But such indulgences could wait until he¡¯d beheld the full scope of this depravity, and the kobold suspected he wasn¡¯t even close to reaching the bottom. ¡°So when you pay a Royal Coin for this Repast, what are you actually buying?¡±


    ¡°Oh you make it sound so crass,¡± Galwenlas tutted. ¡°The Evening¡¯s Repast is nothing more than a pleasant dinner with a wise King and a few lovely ladies. We chat, we laugh, we might even flirt a little once the wine begins to take hold.¡±


    Galwenlas paused to wink at Bex, and Shin was certain that the girl barely managed to restrain herself from drowning the elf in a sea of vomit.


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t get really good until you spend a couple more Coins,¡± JD offered, his frog-like face scrunching up in excitement with the idea. ¡°Then the King finally shuts up and you get to¨C¡±


    ¡°Ahem,¡± Galwenlas cleared his throat. ¡°I don¡¯t think they really need all the details, JD?¡±


    The human scoffed. ¡°You think they care? You may be willing to play these dumb diplomat games, but let¡¯s be honest here: these dudes are enemies with the Oaken Elves. Okay? Why would they give a single shit about what happens to one of them?¡±


    Bittercup carefully cleared her throat, her breezy tone somewhat stifled by how small her voice was. ¡°Like I said though, I¡¯m still just a trainee? I mostly just serve food; it¡¯s my senior sisters who¨C¡±


    ¡°No no, my dear!¡± Galwenlas beamed. ¡°You¡¯re not a trainee anymore! In fact, you¡¯re the most senior girl in the Ever-Growing Court!¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡± Bittercup tried to process that, looking a little woozy. ¡°H-how am I¡­how am I that?¡±


    JD huffed. ¡°Some greedy bastard shelled out for a Grand Gala a few days ago. Goddamn prick. Really fucked my whole vacation up.¡±


    All of the blood immediately drained from Buttercups'' face. ¡°Grand Galas are real? I, I thought the others were just trying to scare me, but¡­they¡¯re real?¡±


    Galwenlas made a noncommittal noise. ¡°Yes, well, no reason to get hung up on that now, is there? What¡¯s done is done, and you really need to¨C¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s a Grand Gala.¡±


    The Grand Elf frowned at Shin, then at Bex, clearly displeased at the way the two kobolds had stepped between him and Bittercup. ¡°Well I really don¡¯t think you need to kn¨C¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re crazy, that¡¯s what they are.¡± JD held out his hands. ¡°Okay, this is how it works. You give King Glandem a shitload of Royal Coins, and then he leaves,¡± ¨CThe human flipped over one hand¨C ¡® ¡°Then his guards leave,¡± ¨CHe flipped over his other hand¨C ¡°And then they lock the doors behind them, leaving you alone with all the girls until morning.¡± He clapped his hands together, Bittercup silently shuddered at the ringing noise. ¡°It¡¯s that simple! Honestly, I¡¯m pretty jealous.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Galwenlas made an attempt to mask it, but he was clearly jealous as well. "So, yes. You were the only girl away on a chore, so you''re the only Repast Girl left. I''m sure you understand how urgent your return to Quercus is now, yes?"


    Forget Plan Gero. At that moment, Shin threw out every plan and contingency he¡¯d crafted so far, all of them replaced in giant gleaming letters by the goal that he would dedicate himself to until his grim work had been completed:


    Operation Ruin These Guys¡¯ Fucking Lives.

 41: Operation Ruin These Guys Lives, Part One

    Despite being the Alliance''s closest neighbor, Shin had to admit he knew very little about King Glandem of the Oaken Elves. Oh, he had a few guesses, sure. There was a lot that one could reasonably infer from the behavior of his nobles, and the treatment of his son, and his crafty plan to send Players as his envoys. But speculation was only so useful in a conflict that seemed destined to sooner or later burst into flame.


    Now, however, Shin knew one thing for an absolute fact: King Glandem of the Oaken Elves put a very specific price on the well-being of his own people. For enough Royal Coins? He''d trade away Oaken Elf dignity, Oaken Elf wellbeing, and Oaken Elf lives. And that was ultimately the only thing he needed to know about the man.


    What Shin needed now was more information about the situation with Bittercup. The Players had made it abundantly clear that she held the most value out of all the Oaken Elf survivors, but just how one-sided were those scales?


    ¡°I¡¯m sure King Glandem is eager to see all of his subjects returned to him,¡± Shin offered, keeping his tone as neutral as he could, ¡°What about the soldiers we¡¯re currently housing? And General Wren?¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± Galwenlas¡¯s mouth tightened at the name of the captured general. ¡°His Majesty did have a special message for Wren.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t miss that the Grand Elf had conspicuously misplaced Wren¡¯s rank. ¡°Oh? I could have a message sent to him immediately, provided you allow me to inspect it first.¡±


    Both Players smirked, and Shin forced his ears to remain calm and his teeth undisplayed. Goddess, it rankled to stand here and just chat with these two after what they¡¯d gleefully admitted to. But he knew that he needed to play nice, for now. Let someone talk long enough, and they¡¯ll outline their own destruction for you. So Shin would let them talk all they wanted.


    At length, Galwenlas cleared his throat. ¡°Well I assure you, there¡¯s no need for any codebreakers or whoever you want to trot out here. It¡¯s quite simple, really. King Glandem merely reminds Wren to remember his duty.¡±


    Shin raised an eyebrow. ¡°His duty?¡±


    JD swiped a thumb across his neck, aiding his pantomime with a squelching noise. ¡°Yeah. He should duty himself at the first opportunity.¡±


    Hm.


    When Shin didn¡¯t immediately respond, Galwenlas leaned forward with a conspiratorial air. ¡°Or you could have your troops help him along? With his duty?¡± The elf winked. ¡°And you might as well consider doing the same with the other troops. His Majesty would consider that part of an optimal outcome for these negotiations, in fact.¡±


    This was so upside-down. In effect, Galwenlas had just made it clear that not only did Wren and his troops have no value as prisoners, but their King would actually prefer that Shin execute them. But the Player didn¡¯t deliver that disturbing fact to undercut the kobold¡¯s position. Unless Shin was missing something, he was being told that murdering these soldier¡¯s would be seen as a favor.


    King Glandem didn¡¯t want the elves who had put their lives on the line for him back. But he also didn¡¯t want them to stay alive as prisoners. Fascinating. Chilling, but fascinating.


    Galwenlas seemed to take Shin¡¯s pause as an opening to further sweeten the deal. ¡°After you¡¯ve accommodated His Majesty in this manner, I¡¯m certain he¡¯d be willing to show his gratitude. Why, once Lady Bittercup is returned to Quercus and the ranks of her sisterhood are restored anew, he may very well ask you to be a Guest of Honor at the next Repast!¡±


    The man offered Bex a smile, flashing far too much gum as the girl recoiled. ¡°Maybe you could bring Lady Bex with you? Such a flower would certainly¨C¡±


    Bex cut in. ¡°I¡¯m washing my hair that night.¡±


    Galwenlas blinked. ¡°I never mentioned a specific night, though?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m washing my hair all night, every night.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t even need to wash your hair in Magica.¡±


    Bex balked. ¡°I meant out of character and in the real world; do you really not wash your real hair just because your Magica hair doesn¡¯t need it?¡±


    Galwenlas coughed, tossing his flowing golden hair over one shoulder and immediately changing the subject. ¡°This is all very unimportant and very much besides the point! What matters is that Lady Bittercup be restored to her right and proper place.¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± Shin nodded, ¡°Because unless she goes back, there can¡¯t be any more Evening¡¯s Repasts.¡±


    ¡°Yes exactly!¡± Galwenlas beamed, missing how much he had just given away. ¡°So! We¡¯ll just be taking the Lady with us, and then we can¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh, but what¡¯s the rush?¡± Shin smiled graciously, a showcase of his acting skills. ¡°You''ve travelled so far. We would be remiss as hosts to send you back off on your way so soon. Stay for a while! Let¡¯s get to know each other.¡±


    The Grand Elf pursed his lips for a moment, then smiled with sickening sweetness. ¡°Will you excuse my companion and myself for a moment? We just need to discuss your generous offer.¡±


    Shin nodded, gesturing towards the door. Galwenlas gave another of his elaborate bows, then curtly jerked his head to indicate JD should follow him. The No One rolled his eyes, dipping into a half-assed mockery of the other Player¡¯s gesture before following him outside.


    Bittercup sank down onto the bed, her fists clenched tightly to her knees. ¡°I¡­¡± She squeezed her eyes shut. ¡°Please don¡¯t let them take me. Please.¡±


    ¡°Oh we definitely won¡¯t. But for right now?¡± Shin held a finger to his lips as Bex moved to his side. ¡°We¡¯re listening in on their conversation.¡±


    Bittercup¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°You can do that?¡±


    Bex nodded, her ears waggling. ¡°These babies aren¡¯t for nothing.¡±


    A little help from an Advanced Leadership Crafty Aura didn¡¯t hurt, either. Thanks to the kobolds¡¯ hyper-boosted senses, the hushed conversation between JD and Galwenlas may as well have been screamed directly into open air rather than whispered behind a closed door. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    ¡°¨Cshould have just killed them.¡±


    ¡°And risk them killing the female? Fuck you man¡± Galwenlas wasn¡¯t quite so courtly without an audience. ¡°Or do you want Magica to have nothing but flat elf chicks forever?¡±


    JD¡¯s eye roll was practically audible. ¡°We don¡¯t know for sure it would work that way. Maybe if she died, the Repast babes would start popping back in Quercus again.¡±


    ¡°Glandem doesn¡¯t think so! And that old bastard would know, wouldn¡¯t he? Besides, this Bex chick is into me; I want to get her Mund-ID so don¡¯t mess this up for me.¡±


    "Oh barf," Bex heaved. Enhanced Senses could be a double-edged sword, at times.


    ¡°Tsk, fine, whatever. At least let me blow their minds!¡± Shin¡¯s ears perked up at JD¡¯s insistent request; what was this now? ¡°I¡¯ve been watching walkthroughs of how to do it online and I want to try it so bad.¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­do you think that would work?¡±


    ¡°Hell yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. That ¡®Shin¡¯ bot thinks he¡¯s big shit; he¡¯s gonna fucking crumble when I tell him what he is.¡±


    Amazing.


    Galwenlas seemed to have been convinced. ¡°Alright yeah, that¡¯d probably make getting him to hand us the female easier. Go for it, but play it subtle. Alright? Let¡¯s wait like three more minutes as a power play and then go back in.¡±


    Three minutes? That wasn¡¯t a power play. That wasn¡¯t any sort of play at all. Though it did give Shin a chance to get a word in with his elven guest. ¡°Bittercup. Do you trust me?¡±


    The woman didn¡¯t need to think about it for even a second. ¡°Absolutely not.¡±


    ¡°Okay, well, that¡¯s smart. How about this: Do you trust that I¡¯ll act in my own self interest?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely yes.¡±


    ¡°Then let me just say that, despite what you may hear me tell these two monsters, it is absolutely not in my self interest to let you go back with them.¡±


    Bittercup took in a deep breath, then nodded. ¡°Right. Okay.¡±


    With that, the door to the room swung open and the two Players re-entered, Galwenlas clumsily faking an ongoing conversation with the sort of confidence that only comes from truly believing that one is incredibly clever. ¡°¨CYes I also agree that WOULD be the most honorable choice!¡±


    JD attempted to play along. ¡°Yeah, absolutely. Honor and shit.¡±


    ¡°Oh! Lord Shin!¡± Galwenlas clapped a hand to the side of his mouth. ¡°I hope we didn¡¯t keep you waiting too long?¡±


    ¡°Mm. Actually, you sorta did.¡± Shin sighed dramatically. ¡°I¡¯m all frazzled now. I feel sort of¡­¡±


    He trailed off, and Bex picked up on her cue. ¡°Thrown off your game?¡±


    ¡°Yes that¡¯s it exactly.¡± Shin sighed again. ¡°Oh well. I¡¯m sure nothing will come of it.¡±


    The gleeful look that passed between JD and Galwenlas was so obvious and prolonged that a portrait could have been painted of it. ¡°Oh, well. That sucks, dude.¡± The human rubbed at his chin. ¡°Speaking of games, though¡­hey did you know you don¡¯t exist?¡±


    Shin flicked an ear. This was really the game he wanted to play? Okay. ¡°Come again?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you didn¡¯t know?¡± JD grinned nastily. ¡°Yeah you don¡¯t exist. This whole world isn¡¯t real.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin reached up and gave one of his ears a tug. ¡°It certainly feels real.¡±


    JD scoffed. ¡°Of course it feels real; no one would play the game if it didn¡¯t feel real.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± The kobold tilted his head. ¡°You mean, you feel and sense this world just like I do?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± the No One snarked, ¡°Obviously?¡±


    ¡°Well then are you real?¡±


    ¡°What? Um, yes?!¡±


    ¡°Are you sure, though?¡± Shin took a small step toward, and JD took a small step backwards. ¡°You just said that every piece of information you experience here is fake. Every sense, every feeling, everything.¡±


    JD swallowed. ¡°I, wait, no¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just strange, isn¡¯t it?¡± Shin¡¯s tone and posture were both pleasing and open, yet somehow the kobold loomed over the rapidly shrinking Player. ¡°What we sense and feel makes up so much of what we are as people. Maybe half? Maybe more? At what point is so much of you fake that you don¡¯t count as real anymore?¡±


    ¡°I am real; fuck you!¡± The human scowled, attempting to rally. ¡°You¡¯re trying to psyche me out but you can¡¯t, you goddamn bot. My Wisdom¡¯s too high.¡±


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯ve got a high Wisdom stat?¡± Shin made a show of considering that. ¡°So it probably tells you when something or someone is off, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes it does exactly~!¡± JD grinned in what he probably hoped was triumph, but seemed more like relief. ¡°See? You can¡¯t trick me.¡±


    ¡°So even your thoughts are sometimes fake?¡±


    ¡°.........¡± JD knitted his ugly brow, his voice very small. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Well, you said that your high Wisdom lets the System put thoughts into your head, right?¡± When the increasingly disturbed human nodded, Shin went in for the kill. ¡°So what you sense is fake, what you feel is fake, and what you think is fake, but¡­you¡¯re still real, right? Right?¡±


    For a long moment JD simply stood there, his throat moving silently as Galwenlas watched on in eager anticipation, clearly expecting some final masterstroke in his companion¡¯s cunning display of reverse psychology. At length, JD spoke. ¡°I gotta log for a bit, I¡¯ll be back, um¡­I gotta log.¡±


    Galwenlas¡¯s shit-eating grin twitched. ¡°Eh?¡± He straightened up as the human vanished in a whorl eldritch lines. ¡°JD? JellyDonut?¡±


    ¡°It seems he had to run.¡± Shin raised his eyebrows at the Grand Elf, his tone just as lightly professional as ever. ¡°Did you have something you wanted to chat about, Galwenlas?¡±


    The Player stared at Shin for a moment, an ugly shadow falling over his sculpted elven features. And then he turned on his heels, marching out of the room. ¡°I¡¯m going to find Naotodate. We need to¡­yes, I¡¯m going to go find him.¡±


    Bittercup watched in stark confusion as Galwenlas slammed the door shut behind him, her ears drooped helplessly. ¡°Um, what just happened?¡±


    ¡°Shin just convinced a Player that he might not exist.¡± Bex stared at Shin in a mix of astonishment and disbelief. ¡°You can do that? I mean¡­how can you do that?!¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t seen anything yet.¡± Shin straightened his robes, trying not to look too pleased with himself. ¡°Just wait.¡±


    Just as Shin knew very little about his opponent, it seemed these Players knew even less about him. Otherwise, they¡¯d have never let him say a single damn word. They either underestimated Shin, or overestimated themselves. Either way, by the time Shin finished with that?


    They¡¯ll wish that not existing was their biggest problem.

 42. PVP

    Despite having risen above his humble origins, Shin was still in many ways a simple man. His pack may have expanded from a single dank cave to three entire zones, and rather than drunken outpost guards he now contended with kings. But he hadn¡¯t become some preening dandy, adorned in ruffled lace and sipping potable gold or whatever else it was the fancier denizens of Magica did. He had simpler tastes.


    A relaxed conversation with old friends. Watching the colors cast by swimming fish. Admiring something that happened to be bigger than something else. It was these unassuming delights that brought joy to the hours of Shin¡¯s days. But he was beginning to discover that his uncomplicated palate may have changed more than he¡¯d thought. Because the sight of a Player storming away in an impotent huff, so confounded by Shin¡¯s words that he had to physically leave the room?


    That was a sweetness as darkly rich and decadent as any that had ever existed. Maybe those preening dandies and their complicated tastes were onto something. Shinki Itten probably had a gold decanter in storage somewhere, right?


    JD¡¯s philosophical collapse brought up remarkably familiar feelings for the devious kobold. This was a being from another world, imbued with awesome powers and functional immortality, and all it took to throw him off his game was being exposed to a few complicated thoughts. This was exactly like that moment in the guards¡¯ barracks, what seemed like an age ago, when Shin watched the men that had been the source of all his fears fall flat on their faces at the first sign of adversity.


    Because Players were mysterious, and powerful, and genuinely threatening. But they were also just people. And people, whatever else they might be, were weak, and stupid, and liable to be their own worst enemies.


    Good.


    Shin allowed himself another moment of indulging in the memory of JD¡¯s stricken eyes and the dark cloud that crossed Galwenlas¡¯s face, then forced himself to refocus. This had been only a small skirmish in Operation Ruin These Guys¡¯ Lives. ¡°I wonder, Bex,¡± Shin idly remarked, ¡°What sort of things might keep a Player from coming back to our world?¡±


    The honorary kobold blinked. ¡°I¡­have no idea if I¡¯m allowed to talk about that. I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re even able to ask me that.¡±


    ¡°I heard a few complain about a Subscription,¡± Bittercup offered, still shaken from the Players¡¯ confrontation but clearly intrigued by this particular topic. ¡°They¡¯re apparently really expensive, even before the cost of Royal Coins. Those are very expensive.¡±


    ¡°I actually have about six dozen questions about those,¡± Shin started, his tone cautious, ¡°But I don¡¯t want to pressure you into talking about them if it¡¯s too upsetting.¡±


    The elf shook her head. ¡°No, it¡¯s fine.¡± She let out a deep breath. ¡°I can talk about it. And if it¡¯s to hurt them somehow, I can definitely talk about it.¡±


    Bex shook her head, her eyes still wide. ¡°Two Magica characters are discussing getting revenge on people outside of Magica. That is butt fucking insane. Is this the Singularity?¡± She stared at Shin. ¡°Are you SkyNet?!¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that is. So¡­maybe?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Bex shook her head, her troubled expression replaced by a set jaw. ¡°No, I¡¯m fine. It¡¯s okay. These guys deserve it, I just¡­have a lot to think about.¡±


    ¡°There seems to be a lot of that going around.¡± Shin offered Bex a small smile, then looked back to Bittercup. ¡°Okay, just one question for now: How do Players actually get Royal Coins? Bex got hers from some sort of package; is that how everyone gets them?¡±


    Bittercup shook her head. ¡°No, most Players buy them separately. There¡¯s an Interface they can use? But you can also buy them directly from a side. Apparently we get more benefit that way, because the managers of the Repasts always tried to get Players to buy direct.¡±


    Interesting. ¡°How does that work?¡±


    ¡°They give you a Code and you punch it into the System for them. Apparently it¡¯s how Players pay for things.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin considered that. ¡°So if you had their Code, could you¨C¡±


    The woman quickly waved her hands. ¡°No no, definitely not. Once a Player¡¯s given you their Code, there¡¯s this¡­¡± She shuddered, shaking herself before she could continue on, ¡°You get this, like, sense of overwhelming dread at the idea of using it for anything besides what they asked for. I heard that an old Manager of ours tried it, once? They said it took him six hours of nonstop flame vomiting to die.¡±


    Woof. Vomiting Flames was another taste Shin had thankfully yet to acquire. ¡°Alright, well, maybe let¡¯s shelve that idea for now.¡± He started for the door, giving Bittercup a questioning look over his shoulder. ¡°Bex and I should go after him, but if you¡¯d rather stay here¡­?¡±


    The woman quickly stood up. ¡°No; I¡¯m coming too. If something else happens, I want to be there to see it. Besides,¡± ¨CShe narrowed an eye at Shin¨C ¡°I still don¡¯t trust you. Especially now that you know I¡¯m apparently the most valuable elf in the world. If you start getting up to nonsense, I want to be in range to bonk you over the head and start running.¡±


    Dealing with someone with clear vision and their head firmly attached to their shoulders. That was another simple pleasure, albeit a vanishingly rare one. Though maybe the threat of being personally battered silly turned it into a complicated one?This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    He¡¯d have to ask the next preening dandy he happened to come across.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    It was not hard to find where Galwenlas went.


    More broadly, it wasn¡¯t hard to find where literally everybody in the fortress had gone. Every single person in the fortress seemed to have gathered in the courtyard, watching in awe as the staredown between Gero and the beastman Naotodate raged on.


    That made it¡­nearly twenty minutes of nonstop staring? Was ¡®Never Blink¡¯ a Class Trait for Bruisers or something? That was¡­entirely possible, actually. Whether it was from some special ability or sheer bloody-mindedness, however, Gero¡¯s refusal to back down was clearly driving Date into a state of berserker frenzy. The tiger-headed Player roared in wordless fury, every muscle in his powerful body bulging with tension as he put everything he had into willing his kobold opponent into submission.


    But Gero wouldn¡¯t budge. There would be only one way to settle this.


    ¡°VERY WELL THEN!¡± Date boomed, pounding both fists into his massive chest. ¡°If it¡¯s a FIGHT you want, then I. SHALL. GIVE YOU ONE!¡±


    Galwenlas folded his arms, his lips pursed. ¡°Have you already forgotten our mission? His Majesty sent us to talk with¨C¡±


    ¡°He sent you to talk,¡± Date interjected, rolling out his neck as he and Gero slowly began to circle one another. ¡°He sent me to fight.¡±


    The Grand Elf tsked. ¡°Don¡¯t you care that a fight may very well result in the Lady Bittercup being¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s your concern.¡± The beastman spared a sideways glance for his companion, scorn dripping from his feline eyes. ¡°I took this job so Glandem would give me access to Quercus¡¯s Grappler Master. You took this job so you could keep looking at tits. So I¡¯m gonna do what I was sent here to do, and if something happens to Whoever Cup then I don¡¯t really give a shit.¡± He cocked an eyebrow at the elven woman in question. ¡°No offense.¡±


    Bittercup could only manage a helpless shrug. ¡°Okay?¡±


    With that apparently settled, Date turned his attention back to Gero. ¡°So this is the deal! If you win, I¡¯ll respawn in Quercus and just turn around and walk in the other direction. But if I win, I¡¯m taking the elf back with me.¡±


    Gero raised her hackles, though she continued to stretch out her arms. ¡°She didn¡¯t agree to that. I¡¯m not turning another person into a prize.¡±


    Date yowled out something that might have been a laugh. ¡°True, but there¡¯s no other choice. If I win I¡¯m taking her, and if anyone tries to stop me?¡± He raised his voice into a roar as he whirled around, trumpeting his challenge to the gathered kobolds and hobgoblins. ¡°I¡¯ll NEVER stop coming back for her! This fort will run RED with MY BLOOD, AND YOURS!¡±


    Shit but did this guy like to yell.


    It didn¡¯t sound like there was much of a choice, though. The Players had always had the option of declaring all out war, and Date just put that threat on the table. The only options were to agree to his terms, or prepare for potentially endless fighting.


    Shin caught Gero¡¯s eye, one ear tilting in a question. The woman held his gaze for a moment, then perked both ears up as she turned her focus back on her opponent. So she was confident. Good. Okay.


    Naotodate thumped his fists into his chest again, his golden eyes twin orbs of fire. ¡°FINALLY! After so much time with those two DEVIANTS, I can FINALLY face off against a TRUE warrior! Now let us FIGHT¡­¡±


    Outrageously aggressive though he may be, Date seemed like he might be cut from better cloth than the other two Players. Maybe this would be¨C


    ¡°...TO THE DEATH!¡±


    Shin was immediately between the two combatants, his eyes locked onto Date¡¯s. ¡°Are you serious?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± the beastman thundered, ¡°I ONLY fight to the death! That is the way of TRUE warriors!¡±


    ¡°Okay sure whatever, but don¡¯t you think that¡¯s pretty lopsided?¡± Shin scowled at Date, his own rage beginning to boil over. ¡°If you die, you get to just stand back up afterwards. If Gero dies she¡¯s just gone.¡±


    Something in that seemingly managed to pierce the Grappler¡¯s maelstrom of martial passion, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. ¡°Hm. I suppose she does have more on the line, if you think about it that way. That isn¡¯t an even fight.¡±


    Shin was honestly a little surprised the Player had grasped his meaning so readily, but he wasn¡¯t about to question a gift. ¡°No, it¡¯s not.¡±


    ¡°Very well then!¡± Date raised a hand grandly, booming out in his most theatrical voice. ¡°Then I shall also add¡± ¨CA large, familiar disc appeared above his palm¨C ¡°This ROYAL COIN to the wager!¡±


    Date hadn¡¯t grasped Shin¡¯s meaning. He hadn¡¯t grasped shit. ¡°...Are you trying to suggest,¡± Shin started, his voice low and dangerous, ¡°That Gero¡¯s life is worth a Royal Coin?¡±


    The beastman blinked. ¡°...isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Before Shin could declare a start to all-out war by hurling himself at the Grappler teeth-first, a voice called out from the crowd. ¡°How presumptuous~! You¡¯re ten years too early for a challenge like that, cat!¡±


    ¡°Who said that?¡± Naotodate snarled, his eyes whipping across the assembled faces. ¡°Who dares?!¡±


    The crowd parted and Bex stepped forward, the resolve Shin had seen enter her expression back in Bittercup¡¯s room now beaming from her every pore. ¡°I did! And if you want to fight my Master, you¡¯re going to fight me first!¡±

 43. Operation Ruin These Guys Lives, Part Two

    In all the time Shin had known the girl who¡¯d introduced herself as Bex, he¡¯d seen her in several different lights. As a Player, to be kept at arm¡¯s length. As a useful resource, to be carefully utilized. And, increasingly, as a dependable friend, to be appreciated in this deeply mercenary world. But as a hero?


    The Schemer was more than a little embarrassed to admit it, but that was not a role he¡¯d even considered for the exuberant girl.


    Why not, though? She¡¯d already stood by them through the fires of battle. She¡¯d offered support and friendship throughout every interaction with her adopted pack. She even clearly acknowledged the dignity and personal sovereignty of Shin and the kobolds, a deceptively simple gesture that nevertheless put her in the top fraction of a percent among all Players.


    The idea that she couldn¡¯t also step forward to personally shoulder a challenge for the good of her friends was uncharitable of Shin, and he regretted it.


    Though it was a little difficult to give Bex¡¯s heroic moment the deference it deserved when her bold declaration of challenge was immediately met with booming laughter.


    The girl couldn¡¯t help turning a little red as the other two Players made their feelings abundantly clear, Naotodate booming with laughter as Galwenlas¡¯s face split in the single most condescending smile Shin could have ever imagined. ¡°Hey!¡± Bex glowered at the two men. ¡°What¡¯s so funny, huh?!¡±


    ¡°Um, you are?¡± Date finally managed to shake himself out of his reverie, amusement still plastered across his feline face. ¡°You¡¯re five levels lower than me. And you¡¯re still an Adventurer.¡±


    Bex folded her arms, turning up her nose at the rude beastman. ¡°Every bit of research I¡¯ve seen says that you increase your chances at a Legendary Class if you wait until Level Twenty to activate your Class Selection. I¡¯m just being patient, okay?¡±


    ¡°Now now, Date; the little lady is certainly right about that.¡± Galwenlas unnecessarily tossed his golden hair over his shoulder. ¡°But I¡¯m thinking she maybe doesn¡¯t truly understand PVP?¡±


    ¡°Hey.¡± Bex snapped her fingers. ¡°Talk to me if you¡¯re going to talk about me. Okay?¡±


    ¡°A thousand apologies, Sweet Lady Bex.¡± The Grand Elf dipped into a box, offering the girl his most patronizing smile. ¡°But I do think that maybe you should arrange some hands on lessons from Date, or even better me, before jumping into such a complex¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve changed my mind; don¡¯t talk to me even if you¡¯re talking about me.¡± Bex shuddered. ¡°Or, like, ever again.¡±


    Galwenlas huffed, rolling his eyes and muttering not-quite under his breath. ¡°Stuck-up bitch.¡±


    Naotodate cut in before Bex or any of her numerous gathered friends could object to Galwenlas¡¯s insult. ¡°Yeah anyways, I really don¡¯t have to fight you. And I don¡¯t particularly want to either. So¨C¡±


    ¡°You keep laughing and talking, but all I hear is a literal scaredy-cat.¡± Bex pulled up an unfamiliar Screen, her eyes fierce as she quickly navigated her way through her options. ¡°There.¡± She decisively clicked a button. ¡°I just sent you an Official Challenge. Turn it down if you want, but if you do it¡¯s gonna tank your Ranking. Your call.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The Grappler¡¯s tail thrashed as he considered that, the beginnings of a thought churning in his mind. ¡°...If I agree to fight you, I¡¯m going to stream it for my Channel.¡±


    Bex nodded. ¡°That¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯m definitely going to title the VOD ¡®Arrogant Newbie Thought She Was So Great¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Whatever fine.¡±


    ¡°Okay awesome.¡± Date pulled up a Screen of his own, unable to hold back a grin as he tapped out a message. ¡°Gimme a minute to get the blast to my subs out, then we can get started. Pots and Hots cool?¡±


    ¡°Um, sure.¡± Bex quickly reconsidered. ¡°Maybe we should actually use the Season Thirty-Seven regs?¡±


    ¡°Okay sure, definitely.¡± Naotdate nodded distractedly, still typing out his message. ¡°That¡¯s a five gold cap, right? Thirty Seven was a good ladder; they should have just kept that.¡± He shifted an eye back towards his upcoming opponent. ¡°Which Elixir are you gonna use?¡±


    ¡°The Adventurer¡¯s Bundle Elixir?¡±


    Galwenlas loudly sniffed, inserting himself into the discussion. ¡°From the Beginner¡¯s Bundle? You really need to invest in a bespoke buffs strategy. I have a video that explains in terms even a beginner could¨C¡±


    Bex glowered at the elf. ¡°And we were doing so well not ever talking again. Why¡¯d you go and ruin a good thing?¡±


    ¡°The Adventurer¡¯s Bundle Elixir is fine; I¡¯ve got that one too.¡± Date clicked send on his message, banishing the Screen with a wave of his hand. ¡°Alright, want to say we go in ten? I want to do a little preamble before the fight, then we can get started.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± Bex nodded, turning away from the sour-faced Galwenlas. ¡°So it¡¯ll be ten seconds of precast, then we go?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, Season Thirty-Seven regs. Oh, but it¡¯s just one-on-one. So,¡± ¨CHe jerked a thumb towards Shin¨C ¡°No outside boons from the bard, okay?¡±


    Shin was not a bard blah.


    Bex seemed equally taken aback by Date¡¯s woeful miss-classing of her friend. ¡°Oh. Yeah, definitely. Absolutely not.¡±


    ¡°Great. See you in ten, then!¡±


    As Bex wandered back towards the pack, her opponent retreating to stretch, Shin couldn¡¯t help but be newly impressed by her fortitude. There had been moments where he and presumably the others had desperately wanted to insert themselves into the confrontation, to come to their friend¡¯s aid? But the girl had more than held her own against the disdain of the other Players.


    Now more than ever, Shin was truly impressed with Bex. And he was deeply excited to hear what someone else¡¯s plan was, for once.


    ¡°Shin you have to help me I have no idea what I¡¯m doing,¡± Bex whispered urgently the moment she was out of earshot from the other Players. ¡°I am so screwed for real.¡±


    Whoops.


    Gero balked, tilting her head at her protege. ¡°But you were so confident; I thought for sure you had a plan?¡±If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°I did!¡± The Player threw her hands out towards Shin. ¡°It was him giving me a shitload of buffs!¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Gero considered that, then shrugged. ¡°Well, it was a pretty good plan.¡±


    ¡°Well it was all for nothing!¡± Bex couldn¡¯t hold back her panicked cackle, her eyes smoldering with manic energy. ¡°I thought I was being so smart with that Season Thirty Seven stuff, but all I did was give him ten free seconds to buff himself! Grapplers have so many self-buffs, you guys!¡±


    Bittercup was clearly disturbed by the cratering confidence of the woman who was effectively fighting for her freedom, but did her best to hide it. ¡°Hey, um, it¡¯s okay? Maybe let¡¯s not get so hung up on what you can¡¯t do anything about, right?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely.¡± Hilde gave Bex¡¯s shoulder an encouraging pat. ¡°You can¡¯t beat someone else if you¡¯re already fighting yourself.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s right, Bex.¡± Shin firmly pounded a fist into his palm. ¡°We¡¯ll just craft a strategy around what you can do, alright?¡±


    ¡°Right, okay.¡± Bex sucked in a deep breath, then let it right back out. ¡°Um, well, I¡¯m still an Adventurer, so I still have the Beginner¡¯s Knack Trait? So I can use any type of weapon.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°We can definitely work with that. Grapplers are super close range fighters, right?¡± The Schemer turned his attention to the crowd, and specifically the hobgoblin Soldiers. ¡°Do any of you want to lend Bex your spear?¡±


    Despite still being flustered, Bex couldn¡¯t help a small smile as every single hobgoblin offered their weapon. ¡°Oh, um, thanks everybody.¡± She picked a polearm at random, gripping the weapon tightly. ¡°I can also cast a couple basic cantrips that High Priestess Momo taught me?¡±


    Okay, that could definitely be something. Shin had seen on more than one occasion just how effective Divine spells could be. ¡°Which ones?¡±


    ¡°Just Bless and Guidance,¡± Bex grumbled, giving her borrowed spear an exploratory heft. ¡°At least I¡¯ll have something to cast during the precast.¡±


    Shin hummed. ¡°I don¡¯t know Guidance, but Bless gives you Advantage, right? That should be useful.¡±


    Bex shook her head. ¡°Guidance is just a navigation spell, but also that¡¯s not really what Bless does. Well, I mean, sure; it does do that? But only when you don¡¯t have a defined deity to link it to.¡±


    Huh. Shin hadn¡¯t really had cause to consider it, but it was true that he hadn¡¯t witnessed the Bless spell in action since the divine sculpting of Tasan Okaa. Momo had long since gained access to much stronger spells, and so far the other priests and priestesses had had little cause to cast anything besides healing spells. ¡°So what does it do with a God?¡±


    ¡°It just gives you a boost based on your God¡¯s traits? But not their big purviews, so it¡¯s pretty weak.¡± Bex shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s just a cantrip, so¨C¡±


    ¡°Bex, I want you to listen to me.¡± The girl swallowed at the sound of Shin¡¯s insistent tone, her tail stiffening. ¡°How quickly after casting Bless on yourself could you make an attack?¡±


    The Player considered that for a moment, a little confused by the Schemer¡¯s question. ¡°I mean¡­right away, I guess?¡±


    ¡°Okay, good. And it¡¯s an instant cast time, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­¡±


    ¡°Perfect. So here¡¯s the plan.¡± Bex leaned in expectantly as Shin dropped his voice to a hush. ¡°Wait until the very last moment of the Self Buff to Bless yourself¡­¡±


    Bex nodded in excitement. ¡°Yeah? And then what?¡±


    ¡°Then hit him with your spear.¡±


    The Player¡¯s reaction was in many ways typical of the welcome that Shin¡¯s genius plans tended to receive.


    ¡°What.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Bex shifted awkwardly as Naotodate held up a hand, using his fingers to silently count down from five. The entire population fortress had formed a ring around the two Players, creating both an audience and the fighting space, and Shin could only hope that the girl took some comfort in the fact that every single one of the spectators was on her side.


    Well. With one noticeable exception. Galwenlas was clearly very excited to see what he imagined would be a one-sided trouncing.


    Naotodate insistently waggled his last finger, prompting Bex to shake off her distractions and ready her grip on her spear. No sooner had she done so than Date roared out in boastful exuberance, a large icon that apparently indicated he was ¡®Streaming¡¯ appearing above his head as the beastman pounded both fists into his chest. ¡°Yes, it is NAOTO DATE, the TRUE MASKED TIGER! And today¡¯s CHALLENGE is¡­¡± He trailed off, taking a moment to squint at Bex. ¡°...what was your name, again?¡±


    The girl grimaced. ¡°It¡¯s BexMex. You know it¡¯s BexMex.¡±


    ¡°Today¡¯s CHALLENGE is MEXBEX!¡± He threw out a hand towards the girl. ¡°What is your Class, MexBex?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Adventurer, and it¡¯s BexMex! You know it¡¯s¨C¡±


    ¡°And what is your Level?¡±


    Bex growled, her ears flicking forward. ¡°Fifteen.¡±


    ¡°And yet you still thought you could challenge me?!¡± Date threw back his head in raucous laughter, Galwenlas¡¯s snickering drowned out by the chorus of boos that rained down from the assembled hobgoblins and kobolds. ¡°If only you weren¡¯t so arrogant, MexBex!¡± Date shook his giant head. ¡°If you had attacked with your horde of allies, maybe you would have survived the day. But instead you¨C¡±


    The Grappler trailed off, his focus momentarily shifting to one side as if he was reading something. ¡°...no, they¡¯re not Beastmen. They¡¯re kobolds or whatever.¡± He paused again, nodding along with whatever communique he was receiving. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m in a really weird part of Magica right now. I¡¯ll absolutely fight the big one after I get through the warm up.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting out. ¡°It¡¯s gonna be pretty embarrassing when the ¡®warm-up¡¯ kicks your ass!¡±


    Date rolled his eyes. ¡°Yeah right; if I lost to a Level Fifteen Adventurer on stream, I¡¯d probably delete my whole account.¡±


    ¡°Do you promise?!¡±


    ¡°Yeah sure whatever; enough from you, bard!¡± The beastman snorted with laughter at something he read in his messages. ¡°Yes we can absolutely crush the head of the mouthy one. ANYWAYS!¡± He pointed a massive finger at Bex. ¡°ARE YOU READY?!¡±


    Bex dropped into a low stance, her spear held before her. ¡°Ready!¡±


    ¡°THEN EVERYONE DROPKICK THAT LIKE BUTTON AND POWERBOMB SUBSCRIBE! LET THE MATCH BEGIN!¡±


    As the beastman began to expertly work his way through a series of aggressive flexes and poses, shimmering numbers sizzled into the air high above the combatant¡¯s heads to steadily count down from Ten. Date hit stance after stance, his every muscle bulging as he shimmered with an increasingly vast array of self buffs. He still managed to snarl out a laugh as Bex took a careful sip from her Elixir, apparently the only preparation she had.


    ¡°Ah-HA~!¡± Date thundered as the countdown hit Three. ¡°I¡¯ll even make this SPORTING!¡± The timer hit One, Bex pressing a hand to her heart as she quickly Blessed herself. ¡°I shall grant you the FIRST¨C¡±


    The timer hit Zero, and Bex shot forward.


    Weakness Exploited!


    Perfect Hit!


    Critical Strike!


    True Damage!


    Bex blinked up at the empty space where Naotodate¡¯s head had previously been, the spear actually steaming in her hands from the friction of moving so forcefully. She straightened, Galwenlas choking on his disbelief the only sound in the entire fortress as they all watched the enormous beastman¡¯s decapitated body wobble on its feet. Taken by a sudden whimsy, the girl reached out with a finger to give the Grappler¡¯s chest a little poke, the assembled crowd bursting into frenzied cheers as the defeated Player crashed down to the ground.


    So, okay. Shin had assumed the attack would be stronger than expected? But he had also assumed that would just give him a window to covertly unload all of his Opportunism effects on the off-kilter beastman. Would that have been cheating? Yes. Did Shin give a shit. No.


    But yeah. This worked too.


    For a moment Bex seemed to have no clue how to react, besides flushing a bright red as dozens of onlookers rushed up to congratulate her. She looked around in a daze, managing to find Shin¡¯s eyes through the wild crowd. She grinned at the kobold, opening her mouth to shout something out, only to tilt her head when she noticed Shin pointing behind her.


    Bex turned, quickly noticing that Naotodate¡¯s stream was still running. The girl stared at it for a few moments, the gathered throngs falling silent as her tail whipping behind her, then popped a peace sign up at the display. ¡°Have fun deleting your account~!¡±


    The crowd immediately burst back into almost unhinged celebration, everyone exulting in a victory that could only be possible when one is truly on the side of Right. And also when one happens to worship a Goddess who has twenty-six ten-point boosted Zero-Point Purviews.


    Everyone, that is, except for Galwenlas. Shin wondered if the Grand Elf could feel the noose tightening around his neck? Because whether he could or not, it was absolutely there.


    Two down, One to Go.

 44. The Final Fish

    It was a festive air at the fortress, the hobgoblins and kobolds all wildly celebrating Bex¡¯s unlikely victory over her imposing opponent. Gero had lifted the girl up onto her shoulder at some point, the assembled pack members roaring their approval as Hilde hefted the spear that did the deed like some sort of all-conquering standard. For her part, Bex seemed as though it was a coin toss whether she would ignite her own head with the fierceness of her blush or self-decapitate with the wideness of her grin. Maybe both at once, if the raucous applause that had seized everyone present didn¡¯t let up soon.


    Everyone, that is, with three exceptions.


    Shin didn¡¯t miss for one second the expression on Galwenlas¡¯s face. And while she may have lacked the System-granted insight of a Schemer, Bittercup¡¯s harrowing experiences as a Repast Girl made her well acquainted with the myriad expressions of men with nothing good on their minds. It all just proved the truth Shin had known ever since he was a mongrel: No matter how many leaps forward one takes in Magica, catastrophic defeat is always just a single wrong step away.


    There was no value in getting mad about it. When confronted with calamity, no matter how uninvited or unfair, you could either give up or get to work.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,¡± Shin kept his voice low as he spoke to Bittercup even as he kept his face cordial for the approaching Galwenlas, ¡°But if you¡¯re willing to play along, I know I can kick this conflict further down the road.¡±


    The Oaken Elf woman nodded almost imperceptibly, her own face enveloped by an agreeable mask that could have only been developed through endless exposure to disagreeable situations. Okay then. Time to deal with the final member of the envoy trio.


    JD, for all his bluster and edge, had been a lightweight. Shin almost wanted him to come back, just for another opportunity to screw with his mind. And a straight on fight was always going to be the only way to deal with Naotodate. But Galwenlas was a different beast entirely. Sometimes you can¡¯t simply yank the fish in, even after it¡¯s hooked. Some fish have to be coaxed. Have to be given line with which to wear themselves out first.


    Shin would give Galwenlas line, alright. He¡¯d give him enough line to hang himself with.


    The Grand Elf was opening his mouth before he had even fully reached Shin, his finger raised to make some dramatic statement. The kobold didn¡¯t know what that statement would be, and frankly, he didn¡¯t care. Maybe he would demand for Bittercup to be handed over, maybe he would declare that he was returning to King Glandem to report on what had happened. Whatever it was, it was certain to be bad.


    So Shin simply didn¡¯t let him say anything at all, raising his voice over the din of excitement. ¡°So it looks like the cream has risen to the top, eh?¡±


    Galwenlas¡¯s finger drooped as he stared at Shin, simultaneously annoyed at being interrupted and confused by the kobold¡¯s choice of interruption. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­you mean the girl?¡±


    ¡°What? No.¡± Shin clapped an amiable hand to the Player¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I mean you.¡±


    The Grand Elf was, if it was possible, even more confused now. ¡°I¡­what? Me?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± Shin winked at the Grand Elf, tapping a finger to the side of his nose with his free hand. ¡°I simply can¡¯t abide group negotiations, and when I asked which of her three suitors she preferred?¡± He glanced towards Bittercup, a knowing smile playing at his lips. ¡°Well. Let¡¯s just say it didn¡¯t seem like a difficult decision.¡±


    For her part, Bittercup remained silent. But when she blushed prettily and averted her eyes, the only clue Shin had that she wasn¡¯t merely shy about her own feelings for this loathsome Player was the fact that the Schemer had asked her to play along. She was damn good at this.


    ¡°So, wait.¡± Despite his continuing confusion, Galwenlas couldn¡¯t resist perking up in growing interest. ¡°So, JD and Date were¨C¡±


    ¡°A bore and a brute.¡± Shin sniffed in displeasure, as if the mere mention of the missing Players¡¯ names left a lingering stench. ¡°What King Glandem saw in them, I¡¯ll never know. If it wasn¡¯t for his excellent taste in choosing you, I¡¯d have to question the man¡¯s wits.¡±


    ¡°Ahem, yes, well.¡± Galwenlas coughed haughtily, his ears wobbling in pleased superiority. ¡°The human was simply available at the right time. And as for Naotodate, well, I suppose he thought sending a brute would be prudent in the case you turned out to be brutes. Though I suppose that idea didn¡¯t pan out.¡± The Grand Elf blinked as he recalled the events of the last few minutes. ¡°Speaking of which, how did she do that? She cast some sort of buff, but I missed it under the Bless spell? What was¨C¡±


    Shin cut him off again, steering the conversation away from topics he¡¯d prefer remaining cloudy. ¡°Let¡¯s just say that the Alliance knows how to treat its friends. Particularly its important friends.¡±


    The implication wasn¡¯t lost on Galwenlas, the elf leaning forward with eyebrows raised. ¡°Is that so? And how might you treat a friend as important as oh, me? Just as an example?¡±


    Before Shin could respond, he felt a tug on the sleeve of his robe. He turned his head to find the still-blushing Bittercup beckoning him closer, charmingly biting her lower lip. He leaned in and she cupped her hands around his ear, carefully whispering to him. ¡°I¡¯m not actually saying anything. This is just for show.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin¡¯s ears shot up dramatically. ¡°That¡¯s what you want?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d better have something good cooked up for his guy,¡± Bittercup continued to whisper, sneaking a purposefully unsubtle peek at the preening Grand Elf before intensifying her flush. ¡°If I wind up in his hands I fucking swear I¡¯ll come back to haunt you.If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    ¡°Well well well~¡± Shin chuckled, straightening back up. ¡°I suppose the Lady¡¯s preferences are no mystery.¡± He cocked an eyebrow at Galwenlas. ¡°You ask how I¡¯d treat a guest as important as you? That begs the question, sir: What is it that you want?¡±


    The Player stared at Shin for a long moment, distractedly sucking on his teeth in a manner entirely at odds with his courtly facade. At length, he slowly began to regurgitate the safe response. ¡°I¡­simply want to return Lady Bittercup to her home, to the court of Quercus. What else would I possibly want?¡± Despite his careful tone, however, it didn¡¯t take long for a gleam of desire to shine through his sapphire blue eyes. ¡°Hm? What else?¡±


    Shin knew an opening when he saw one, spreading his hands out magnanimously. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t dream of guessing. For myself, I only want what¡¯s best for you...and for Bittercup¡­and for you and Bittercup¡­¡±


    That lit a fire under the Player, his eyes practically bursting from his skull. ¡°Wait, are you saying¨C? Do you mean you¡¯d be willing to sell¨C¡±


    ¡°Shh, not here!¡± Shin made a show of looking around, dramatically searching out any potential eavesdroppers. ¡°Not everyone here is as enlightened as we are. They might hear talk like that and decide something unseemly is going on.¡±


    Bittercup pouted. ¡°Meanies.¡±


    ¡°As if I could ever!¡± Galwenlas huffed, immediately in full agreement with the other two¡¯s feigned affront. ¡°There is nothing perverse about a special girl and her oppa! How dare they? How dare they.¡±


    ¡°My thoughts exactly.¡± Shin shook his head, mock offended by the distrust theoretical onlookers correctly held for Galwenlas¡¯s intent. ¡°So why don¡¯t we continue this discussion in a quieter setting?¡±


    ¡°Hmm. Perhaps.¡± The Player was clearly intrigued, but decided to give a bit of push back all the same. ¡°Perhaps your home village would suffice?¡±


    Blah, Shin did not want to bring Galwenlas back to Shinki Itten. Until they were a Level Three Tribe and had gained the Sanctuary status, a Player could wreck an endless amount of havoc in his home and in the lives of his innocent neighbors. If they¡¯d reached that level, then definitely, but it would be at least another¨C


    Conquest Node Repaired


    Conquest Node Claimed!


    (The Grand Alliance) Has Reached Level Three! (awaiting progression selection)


    The entire fortress fell silent as the prompts flashed above their heads, only to explode in redoubled excitement as the final message declaring that they had reached the promised land of Level Three burned its way across the sky


    Galwenlas read and reread the messages, at first in disbelief, but then with growing fascination. When he finally turned his eyes back to Shin, it was with an entirely ungrudging admiration. ¡°You actually timed this to happen at the precise end of our conversation, didn¡¯t you?¡±


    Shin did not. He had no freaking idea why this had happened. There was no way that they should be Level Three yet. But he was absolutely not about to tell Galwenlas that. Instead, he gave the Player another wink. ¡°I do what I can. And I agree whole-heartedly with your idea; let¡¯s finish this discussion in Shinki Itten. There, we¡¯ll find all the privacy we need for¡­certain delicate discussions.¡±


    Despite his inability to keep his eyes from running lasciviously up and down Bittercup¡¯s body, Galwenlas still attempted one final feint. ¡°That would add at least two, three days to my timeline. His Majesty won¡¯t be happy to wait.¡±


    Bittercup clutched her hands to her heart, bashfully peering up at the Grand Elf. ¡°Um, I can wait if you can¡­¡± She blushed again, turning her eyes shyly away. ¡°...oppa.¡±


    ¡°I will go and message King Glandem immediately that I am undertaking a vital diplomatic mission to the charming village of Shinki Itten.¡± Galwenlas turned on his heels, sprinting away to throw together his communique. ¡°Wait for me, my Lady! Wait for meeee~!¡±


    Woof. Galwenlas was in such a rush that Shin was almost surprised that he didn¡¯t leave a Grand Elf-shaped dust cloud behind him. The moment he was out of eyesight, Bittercup let out the breath she had been apparently holding the entire time. ¡°Gods. Okay. Did you need more from me? Because if I have to call him that again I''ll probably vomit out all of my organs in a stream of blood.¡±


    Shin shook his head. ¡°No no, the opposite actually. Now you¡¯ve got him on the line, I can sink the hook in even deeper if you¡¯re out of sight but very much on his mind.¡± He waved his hand towards the crowd. ¡°Make yourself as scarce as you like. Hopefully it won¡¯t be long before you never have to see him again.¡±


    It may have been his imagination, but Shin thought he spied a look of gratitude on Bittercup¡¯s face before she evaporated into the exuberant crowd. It may have just been a trick of the eyes, though; some sort of optical illusion caused by the sheer speed at which she vanished. Not that he blamed her for that. Shin could barely stand playing nice with Galwenlas, so he could only imagine how upsetting it was for Bittercup.


    For the moment, however, Shin¡¯s imagination was otherwise occupied. He was the proud member of a Level Three Tribe now, and that meant it was time to begin truly considering his pack¡¯s emergence into the world. Because even with the welcome defense of Sanctuary, the Schemer knew they weren¡¯t far off from totally losing the anonymity that had been their strongest shield up until this point.


    They wouldn¡¯t be able to hide from the world for much longer.


    Shin was knocked out of his ponderings by the sudden realization that Mimasu was staring at him, scribbling away even as the rest of the pack continued their celebration. ¡°Mimi, have you been here this whole time?¡±


    ¡°Yep!¡± The peppy scribe beamed. ¡°I¡¯m trying to decide how to best notate the difference between when you imply something and let the listener make the incorrect assumption, and when you just straight up lie to people.¡±


    ¡°Uh, what¡¯ve you got so far?¡±


    ¡°Innuendo is in all capital letters!¡±


    ¡°And lies?¡±


    ¡°All caps and also underlined!¡±


    Well it was good that they were headed back to Shinki Itten soon, then. Because Mimi was going to need a lot more ink to keep up with all the underlining and capitalization Shin was preparing to make him do.

 45. Mysteries

    We are the masks we wear. It may seem shallow, but it¡¯s a simple truth: people tend to believe what they see.


    So while Shin wanted nothing more than to rush as quickly as possible to the formerly destroyed Oaken Elf waystation and slake his unbearable curiosity, he could not. Because Galwenlas thought he already knew, thought he was some sort of next-level puppet master. Tactical geniuses do not run. They do not fidget with anticipation. And they certainly don¡¯t desperately ask everyone within arms¡¯ length if they know what happened. They leisurely stroll from triumph to triumph, so that the moment of their brilliance is unfurled might be savored for as long as possible.


    It was probably for the best that the Schemer was only now realizing how annoying people assuming he was a mastermind could be. Because if he¡¯d had any idea, back when he was a mongrel? He might have just gone along with the whole pee-on-the-outpost plan.


    Fortunately, there was plenty to distract himself with. He could have simply made the trip himself with minimal fuss, but moving an entire fortress¡¯s worth of kobolds and hobgoblins was another matter. Shin wasn¡¯t alone in his eagerness to travel north, after all; between the kobolds who had been away from home longer than ever before in their lives, the hobgoblins who had traveled so far to find their home, and the soldiers who had popped with only the instilled memories of their home to comfort them? Everyone was eager to see Shinki Itten.


    Still. A garrison needed to be left behind and a basic command structure needed to be left in place, as well as plans for their resupply and relief. Regardless of what changes becoming a Level Three Tribe might bring, this fortress would remain the first and most important bastion between Shinki Itten and the hostile world. Such a shield needed to be kept in peak condition, lest they suffer the same fate that had fallen upon its former masters.


    So Shin forced himself to maintain a stately pace, carefully going over guard rosters and rigorously inspecting the storerooms while everyone else rushed around him. And through it all he gritted his teeth, knowing that his clenched mouth was the only thing that kept him from screaming Go faster, you assholes! Don¡¯t you know something interesting is happening and I¡¯m not there to see it?!


    It was unbearable, but the kobold¡¯s show had a highly invested and intensely important audience of one. Galwenlas had completely reverted to his state of outsized courtesy ever since his conversation with Shin, all beautiful manners and elegant dignity as he made a show of helping load carts and praising his hosts. But every so often he would catch Shin¡¯s eye, and the two men would share small smiles, knowingly tapping the side of their noses in unison.


    Ugh. It was all Shin could manage to not shudder. He wasn¡¯t going to be able to do that nose-tap thing anymore after this. Damn Galwenlas, ruining a perfectly good gesture.


    The game needed to be played, however. And so Shin would continue to play it. All of this was for the good of his people, and he¡¯d have his fun in the end. Yes he would. It would be sweet and delicious, like a juicy plom. And as annoying as keeping up appearances for Galwenlas was, the fact that the Player would never see his end coming just made it all the sweeter.


    ¡°This looks good,¡± Shin told Hugot, passing the freshly appointed fortress commander back his guard roster. ¡°The village will be certain to show their thanks to these soldiers for volunteering for the first watch.¡±


    Hugot, a rather stout hobgoblin with a deeply impressive mustache, gave a short bow. ¡°It is our honor, sir.¡±


    Shin good-naturedly waved away the officer¡¯s show of deference. ¡°Oh now, no need for that. We fought shoulder to shoulder! And besides, I¡¯m fairly certain you technically outrank me.¡± When the hobgoblin began to sputter out a denial, Shin clapped a hand to his shoulder with a chuckle. ¡°Either way, come visit me when you¡¯re on furlough! We¡¯ll go fishing. You¡¯ll love it.¡±


    The officer¡¯s mustache twitched in a wide smile. ¡°I am certain I shall. And if I may be so bold?¡±


    ¡°You may, Hugot, you may.¡±


    ¡°Could you send my dear wife my fondest regards?¡±


    ¡°How could I possibly refuse?¡± Shin paused, thoughtfully tapping a finger against Hugot¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Though, it occurs to me that I¡¯ve never met your wife.¡±


    The hobgoblin shrugged. ¡°Neither have I. It simply dawned on me late last night that I have a wife in the village.¡± He scratched thoughtfully at his magnificent facial hair. ¡°She¡¯s the cook at an inn? Or maybe she owns the inn? I don¡¯t quite know.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Do you know her name?¡±


    ¡°I do not.¡±


    ¡°Do you know what she looks like?¡±


    Hugot shook his head ¡®no¡¯.


    ¡°Well, do you know if she¡¯s a kobold or a hobgoblin?¡±


    ¡°Ah!¡± Hugot raised a finger at that. ¡°I don¡¯t, but I am confident she¡¯s one or the other.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin mulled over the available facts. ¡°Well, what do you know?¡±


    Hugot answered with the confidence that could only be born of absolute certainty. ¡°I know that I have regards for her, and that they are the fondest.¡±


    ¡°My friend, you¡¯re truly a poet. I¡¯ll be sure to pass your sentiments along. Um, somehow.¡±


    That seemed to be good enough for Hugot, who bent in another shallow bow and marched off to oversee the rest of his duties. Woof. Shin had thought it before, and he would certainly have cause to think it again, but the world was weird. Hugot did not exist a week ago, and now he had at least the vague approximation of a wife he¡¯d never met who lived in a village he¡¯d never been to. How absolutely wild.


    What a shame, then, that Shin wasn¡¯t able to properly appreciate this new display of Magica¡¯s bizarreness. Not when he was still consumed by the mysteries of their jump to Level Three. Bluh, can¡¯t these people uproot their lives any faster?!


    Even roiling with impatience as he was, Shin sensed the familiar presence of Gero well before he heard the familiar tones of her rich chuckle. ¡°You¡¯re starting to turn red.¡±


    Shin cocked an eyebrow, glancing towards the grinning woman as she leaned up against the doorframe. ¡°No I¡¯m not. You absolute fibber.¡±


    ¡°Sure you are. On the inside. It¡¯s plain as day.¡± Gero languidly straightened, running a hand through her short crop of honey-colored hair. ¡°The others may buy your whole ¡®Oh, I¡¯m in no hurry!¡¯ act, but I see right through you.¡± She reached out, giving Shin a poke in the shoulder. ¡°Not knowing what¡¯s going on at the waystation is eating you up inside. I¡¯ve seen you like this before.¡±The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Shin sniffed. ¡°Name one time.¡±


    Gero immediately began ticking examples off on her fingers. ¡°That time you wanted to know what the highest spot in our zone was, that time you wanted to dig under trees to see what secrets they were keeping, that time you wanted to find out what wasps tasted like, that time¨C¡¯


    ¡°Alright, well, I¡¯m pretty sure I specified that you name just one time?¡± Shin tsked at Gero¡¯s blatant disregard for the rules as stated. ¡°Immediate disqualification, I¡¯m afraid. You hate to see it. Another victory for Shin.¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡± Gero poked the Schemer in the shoulder again. ¡°Well if you¡¯re going to be like that, I guess I¡¯ll just head over to the waystation right now. You¡¯ve got all these important boxes to move around and whatever, but I can just go find out what¡¯s happening all by myself.¡±


    She was diabolical. ¡°Well hold on now! Don¡¯t you need to oversee all the guards and the defenses? The martial defense of our territory is your duty too, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Not really.¡±


    Not really? Okay, Shin had just been playing along with the teasing before, but now he was curious. ¡°What do you mean, ¡®not really¡¯?¡±


    ¡°I mean ¡®not really¡¯.¡± Gero shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not in charge of the fortress or city watch or any of that stuff. I¡¯m a warrior, not a soldier.¡±


    Huh. Now Gero had mentioned it, Shin realized that she was right. Besides him, the person most involved with the logistics of the fortress and the move back to Shinki Itten was Hilde. She was the one actually in charge of the Grand Alliance¡¯s guards and internal security. ¡°So you¡¯re what, then? The figurehead of some sort of storied martial order? Dedicated to the single goal of perfecting the art of combat? A weapon to be wielded against only the direst of our foes?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± Gero shrugged amiably. ¡°Let¡¯s say ¡®All of the Above¡¯.¡±


    ¡°In other words, you don¡¯t have an actual job.¡± Shin sighed, folding his arms. ¡°Goddess, do I ever know what that¡¯s like.¡±


    Gero tilted her head, though the increased wag in her overly honest tail belied the sincerity of her coming question. ¡°Really? Aren¡¯t you, like, our king now or something?¡±


    ¡°I am not our king.¡± Shin was entirely certain Gero was joking, but he wasn¡¯t about to risk some well-meaning kobolds overhearing the woman¡¯s taunt and immediately busting in with a crown for him. ¡°In fact, my first suggestion when we¡¯re back home will be to form a governing council, which I will not have a vote on.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Gero raised her eyebrows. ¡°Will you moderate the Council¡¯s meetings, though?¡±


    ¡°Well, I was going to offer¨C¡±


    ¡°And what if there¡¯s a tie in a vote?¡± Gero theatrically pondered this theoretical dilemma. ¡°Someone impartial should be available to break any stalemates. Someone even-handed, someone with clarity of vision.¡± She furrowed her brow thoughtfully, her tail whipping back and forth in utter glee as Shin began to sweat. ¡°Who could that be, though?¡±


    ¡°Um, I mean, if it happened that there was, er, an even number of seats, maybe I could, that is, in that event I could always¡­¡± Shin trailed off as Gero broke into peals of laughter, the Schemer unable to resist a sheepish grin. ¡°Yeah yeah. My civic mindedness is extremely hilarious.¡±


    ¡°It really is.¡± Gero sighed happily, draping an arm over Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ve missed this. You¡¯ve been so damned impressive over the last few weeks, I¡¯d almost forgotten what an absolute dork you are.¡±


    Guilty as charged, no question about it. Shin scoffed all the same, quirking an eyebrow at the woman. ¡°If you¡¯ve managed to nearly forget something like that, you only have yourself to blame. I feel like I never see you anymore, sometimes.¡±


    Gero twitched, her teasing smile fading away. ¡°I¡­you¡¯ve been doing your Schemer stuff lately. I¡¯ve been trying to stay out of the way.¡±


    Shin raised his eyebrows. ¡°What! Stay out of the way?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± The woman frowned, averting her pale brown eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I can¡¯t help you with this stuff the way the others can. Sometimes I feel like I¡¯m too many steps behind.¡±


    ¡°Gero, you listen to me.¡± The big kobold reluctantly turned her eyes back, and Shin firmly held her gaze. ¡°You have never once been in the way. Nothing that we¡¯ve accomplished could have been possible without you. I couldn¡¯t have done any of this without you.¡±


    The woman¡¯s drooped ears began to perk back up. ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. And if I ever come up with a plan that would somehow be ruined by the presence of an amazing woman who can beat anyone who disagrees with me to death? I would retire from my Class in disgrace.¡±


    The sheer force of Gero¡¯s wagging tail as it smashed into the back of Shin¡¯s legs nearly sent him toppling to the ground. ¡°You could probably find an opening in the Bard class. You¡¯d be a great fit.¡±


    Shin grinned, his intense curiosity and even the worries of his ongoing schemes temporarily forgotten. Every day since they had encountered the Oaken Elf army had been a breakneck marathon of plotting, fighting and planning. How long had it been since he¡¯d been able to enjoy a back and forth like this with Gero? It wasn¡¯t so long ago that Gero was very nearly the only person he ever talked to, and while there was very little Shin missed from those mongrel days he was beginning to realize that was absolutely one of them.


    He blinked as he heard Gero cough, her neck lightly flushing as she spoke. ¡°Hey. You¡¯re staring.¡±


    It was true, he was. And he wasn¡¯t certain he wanted to stop? ¡°Hey Gero?¡±


    The woman swallowed, her blush intensifying. ¡°Um, yes?¡±


    ¡°When we get back to Shinki Itten, and get things settled, do you want to¡­do something?


    ¡°Do something?¡± Gero¡¯s ears twitched. ¡°What¡¯s that mean?¡±


    Shin had no idea. ¡°I don¡¯t know, um¡­food? You¡¯ll probably be hungry in a few days, right? I probably will be too, so¡­¡±


    ¡°We eat food all the time, though. How is that¨C¡± Gero cut off mid-sentence, her ears pressing themselves flat. ¡°Wait. Do you mean like a d¨C¡±


    ¡°Daylight¡¯s burning!¡± Hilde boisterously called from outside the room. ¡°We¡¯re all set and ready to go, unless you two have some more palaver to wade through?¡±


    Gero slipped away from Shin so quickly that it seemed possible she¡¯d never been near him at all, the woman stammering through a jumble of words that hinted at the outline of a cogent farewell as she all but sprinted out the door. Shit, wasn¡¯t that just typical? You spend all day desperate to leave, but the moment you¡¯d like to stay a little longer it¡¯s nothing but hurry hurry hurry.


    On top of that, Shin had another mystery gnawing away at him now. And while he was confident that he¡¯d soon receive an answer as to what was going on in his home territory, he was less certain that an answer on why he felt ways about things and about specific people was forthcoming.


    Whatever. It was time to put the Mask back on. Because in addition to everything else, masterminds certainly didn¡¯t get flustered from talking to girls.

 46. Completed Repairs, Pending Repairs

    Shin hadn¡¯t been sure which emotion he¡¯d feel most strongly when the truth behind the pack¡¯s serendipitous ascension to Level Three was revealed. Pride at the accomplishments of his friends and family? Excitement in the discovery of some new way to twist the unfair rules of Magica? Perhaps even envy, his curdled pride unable to accept that someone was able to think up a solution that even the Great Shin missed?


    When he and the rest of the forces from the fortress arrived at the newly restored waystation, however, the Schemer was surprised to find the emotion that shouldered its way to the forefront was Anger. Who¡¯d have guessed?


    ¡°Hey!¡¯ Koda glanced over his shoulder at Shin¡¯s sharp call, tilting his head in confusion at the furious expression on the other kobold¡¯s face as he broke away from the rest of his group. ¡°What¡¯s going on here, Koda?!¡±


    The big kobold furrowed his brow, sharing a confused look with his wife Shita. ¡°Um, nothing? Going on with what, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Them!¡± Shin threw out an accusatory finger towards the Oaken Elf soldiers loading away tools. ¡°What are they doing?¡±


    The two blacksmiths stared at each other for another moment before Shita cautiously spoke up. ¡°They¡¯re...cleaning up?¡±


    This was the answer to the Mystery? What a fucking joke. Of course this option had always been on the table, but the idea that the others actually thought this was okay? It would have been unthinkable, if the proof wasn¡¯t staring Shin right in the face. ¡°You actually Indentured the elves? Gang pressed them? This is how we became a Level Three Tribe?¡±


    ¡°Inden¡­¡± Shita¡¯s voice trailed off as she absorbed Shin¡¯s admonishment, only to burst back with a flare of indignation. ¡°Wait just a damn minute! We did no such thing; you really think we¡¯d use slave labor?! They volunteered!¡±


    ¡°Volunteered?¡± Shin frowned, glancing between the affronted glares of Koda and Shita as doubt began to burrow through the bedrock of his outrage. ¡°But they¡¯re Soldiers, not Villagers. How could they help with the reconstruction?¡±


    ¡°Because the Oaken Elves are the masters of metalcraft.¡± Shin turned, finding himself looking at the wry smile of General Wren. ¡°I¡¯m sure you mentioned knowing that?¡±


    Shin coughed awkwardly. ¡°I, um, assumed that Ceril was just being self-aggrandizing?¡±


    Wren shrugged. ¡°Generally speaking, he was. But we¡¯re used to making repairs in the field. So rather than sitting on their hands all day, some of my troops suggested they might help out.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, see? They offered.¡± Shita huffed, stuffing her own tools back into her satchel and pointed not looking at Shin. ¡°So maybe next time ask a couple questions before you accuse people you¡¯ve known your whole life of war crimes.¡±


    ¡°Shita, I¨C¡± It was no use, the woman had already hefted her bag over one shoulder and stalked off. Shin shook his head, annoyed at his own thoughtlessness, before glancing at Koda. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Koda. I¡¯ll apologize to her, too, when she wants to hear it.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± The big blacksmith handed a bundle of tools off to a young hobgoblin apprentice, effortlessly lifting an overburdened bag himself before offering Shin a cool nod of farewell. ¡°See that you do.¡±


    Shin kicked himself again as he watched the smiths leave. Reunited with his people for two whole minutes, and already he¡¯d managed to put his feet into it. If they¡¯d all still been mongrels, they¡¯d have just made him eat dirt. Somehow this was significantly worse.


    ¡°You know, I¡¯d been running quite well on the social front lately,¡± Shin idly remarked to Wren. ¡°I suppose I was overdue for a faceplant.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± If the general took any pleasure in the kobold¡¯s ignominy, he had the good grace not to show it. ¡°It looks like you brought your people back safely, though. That¡¯s what counts.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, they¡¯re not all I brought. Did you spot the Grand Elf?¡±


    Wren nodded warily. ¡°Yes. A Player?¡±


    ¡°And an ¡®Envoy Esteemed¡¯ from your King Himself.¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    The elf let out a low whistle. ¡°I didn¡¯t think I merited that level of response. In fact, I¡¯m certain I don¡¯t.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist a humorless bark of a laugh. ¡°No kidding. Do you want the official message from King Glandem to your soldiers and you, personally? ¡®Do Your Duty¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡± Wren¡¯s mouth tightened into a hard line. ¡°We¡¯re to commit suicide, then.¡±


    ¡°That was certainly the implication I took. It makes a certain amount of sense, doesn¡¯t it? Why waste time negotiating for your release when, if you die, a new you will simply pop in Quercus? That¡¯s how you popped, after all. It¡¯s all very tidy.¡±


    ¡°Quite.¡± The general allowed himself another brief moment to coldly glare at Galwenlas, the Player completely unaware of his scrutiny as he loudly exchanged pleasantries with Momo. ¡°Then what did he want?¡±


    ¡°Lady Bittercup. Just Lady Bittercup.¡±


    Wren knitted his brow. ¡°Really? But why do they¨C¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll have to ask her yourself; it¡¯s a hideous story and not mine to tell.¡± Shin tilted his head, his voice taking on an arch tone. ¡°Unless you¡¯ve got to run along and off yourself? King¡¯s Orders and all that?¡±


    Somehow, Wren managed an amused snort. ¡°I believe I¡¯ll pass. For now, at least. A Player, huh?¡± The elf frowned. ¡°The King certainly isn¡¯t taking this lightly.¡±


    ¡°Not a Player.¡±


    ¡°No?¡± Wren raised his eyebrows in surprise when Shin popped up three fingers. ¡°Three Players? Where are the other two?¡±


    ¡°Gone. And not missed.¡±


    ¡°Really.¡± Wren considered that, looking over Shin in a new light. ¡°I¡¯m impressed, son. Any plans to complete the set?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve always got plans.¡± Honestly, it was more of the start of a plan, but Wren didn¡¯t need to know that. ¡°The important thing is that he stays happy, for now. Think you can back me on that?¡±


    ¡°I suppose we¡¯ll see; he¡¯s headed this way now.¡±


    Galwenlas clapped a familiar hand onto Shin¡¯s shoulder, goodwill beaming from his every amiable pore. ¡°I have to say, this is a nicely restored waystation! Your people do fine work, my friend, fine work.¡± He trailed off as he turned his eyes onto General Wren, his jovial voice taking a solemn turn. ¡°General. How are your men? They¡¯re being treated well, I trust?¡±


    ¡°Yes, very well.¡± Wren matched the Grand Elf¡¯s grave tone quite accurately. ¡°We¡¯ve been afforded every dignity.¡±


    ¡°Good; that¡¯s good.¡± Galwenlas snuck a peek at Shin out of the corner of his eyes, floating a question he preferred to leave unspoken. Do I tell him? The kobold gave his head the slightest of shakes, and so the Player widened his smile. ¡°Well, just know that His Majesty¡¯s thoughts are with you, and your men. These complicated times won¡¯t last forever!¡±


    Shin cut in. ¡°I have every hope and every bit of faith that any complications between our peoples will be resolved shortly, and amicably. Until that happy hour, however, won¡¯t you speak with one of our Specialists?¡± A smartly attired kobold stepped forward at Shin¡¯s words, offering Galwenlas a small bow. ¡°He will see to your accommodations at the village while we sort through our final growing pangs here. Alright?¡±


    ¡°Ah, yes, of course. And afterwards, we might speak about¡­?¡± Galwenlas tapped his finger to the side of his nose, grinning in delight when Shin returned the gesture. ¡°Splendid. Simply splendid.¡± He turned to leave, but not before offering Wren another overly earnest nod. ¡°Stay strong, general. You, and your men.¡±


    Wren watched the Player depart, his expression inscrutable as he tersely offered up a single quiet word. ¡°Troops.¡±


    Shin perked up an ear. ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°Troops. Not ¡®men¡¯. Nearly half of the survivors were women.¡±


    ¡°True. Well if I have my way, he¡¯s not going to get the chance to realize that mistake.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± The elf gestured meaningfully towards something over Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°In the meantime, it seems as if you¡¯ve got other business to attend to. We should talk later.¡±


    Shin offered Wren a brief nod in farewell, turning around as the approaching Momo spoke. ¡°The zone has finished the pre-patch. Are you ready?¡±


    ¡°Yes; absolutely yes. Let¡¯s officially rank up to Level Three before¡­¡±


    Momo tilted her head as Shin trailed off. ¡°Before what?¡±


    He¡¯d actually been about to say ¡®before something else happens¡¯. Shin could almost feel Fate licking its greasy chops at the mere thought of him teeing up a twist like that. Goddess, how many times was he going to try and put his foot into it today? ¡°Before nothing. Let¡¯s do it.¡±


    Fate can¡¯t do anything if you don¡¯t say it out loud, right?


    Right?


    Woof.

 47. The Inside Place

    LA:35l-J upgrade activated processing valid host found valid score found executing upgrade


    It had been some time since the kobolds last entered the mind warping space that allowed them to access the Tribal Decision Tree. In those days they had been mere hours removed from both bloody combat and mongrel-hood, and the transition from the zone that had been their entire world to a place beyond space and time was understandably jarring.


    Now, however, the pack was considerably better heeled. They had homes. They bathed. They very rarely peed on things that were not expressly designed to be peed on. And so while their first visit to the place inside the System had seen them deposited onto a mere empty space within the churning madness hidden behind the thin veil of reality, their second visit was a much more dignified affair.


    Shin jolted upright in the stiff-backed chair he materialized in, staring in momentary shock at the fourteen other faces peering around the circular table provided for them by¡­well. By whomever. Their mysterious benefactor had even gone so far as to decorate their meeting space, a small vase with a single monochromatic flower arranged in the table¡¯s dead center. Shin had to admit, this was certainly a lot more orderly than their last visit.


    Of course, just beyond their chairs the Inside Place was exactly as geometrically agnostic as it had been before. All the more reason to not gawk and just get on with things, right?


    Momo was the first to break the silence, the High Priestess scanning their gathered compatriots. ¡°I suppose there are far too many of us for a full-pack vote, now.¡±


    True. Shin spotted the usual suspects, Gero and Hilde seated to his right. Shita was there as well; she had always been the leader of Shinki Itten¡¯s crafters, so that made sense. Dyu and Hanbun also held positions of importance within their circles of the farmers and guards, respectively, so it stood to reason that the three hobgoblins Shin wasn¡¯t immediately familiar with must be held in similar esteem. Higen was like some sort of crazed battle king to his pack of feral dogs, so Shin supposed his presence was likewise unavoidable. And the Schemer was deeply gratified that the System had seen fit to summon Moots, too; the old man''s experience with the ways of the world would undoubtedly prove invaluable.


    ¡°Before we get started,¡± Shin began, rising from his chair, ¡°I think we should take a moment to acknowledge the exemplary efforts of our craftsmen and their leaders in general, and over the last several days in particular. It is no exaggeration to say that, without your tireless efforts and unflagging dedication, we would not be here today. And if we weren¡¯t here, today?¡± Shin shook his head. ¡°I don¡¯t doubt for a moment that we would have paid a terrible price to make it here tomorrow. I hope I speak for everyone when I say that Shinki Itten thanks you.¡±


    A dozen chairs scraped backwards as the pack members rose as one, dipping into grateful bows towards Shita and her hobgoblin counterpart. Besides Moots, of course, who¡¯s gnarled back only permitted a sort of pronounced nod. And Higen, who was as always a real piece of work. Still, the gesture was clearly appreciated. The hob, who¡¯s name Shin seemed to recall was Holz, grinned sheepishly at the outpouring of sincere thanks, but Shita played things a bit closer to the vest. ¡°I¡¯m still mad at you, Shin,¡± the blacksmith offered, ¡°But maybe only eighty percent as mad. We¡¯ll see.¡±


    ¡°I understand.¡± The Schemer straightened. ¡°On that note, we have another group to thank. Our introduction to the Oaken Elves was¡­less than optimal.¡±


    Higen interjected with a short bark of a laugh.


    Ugh, just keep moving things along, Shin. ¡°But all the same, their aid has proven both timely and vital. I hope that it will be these recent days, and not the days that came before, that define our relationship going forward.¡±


    Once the chorus of agreement from the others gathered around the table began to die down, Bittercup cleared her throat. ¡°Um, sure. I hope so, too. I will definitely pass that along. But hey, quick question: Why am I here?¡±


    Shin had to admit that was a good question. ¡°Well¡­I don¡¯t know? Did someone invite you to the Tribe when no one else was looking?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, no. I definitely would have remembered that. That¡¯s not even on the table, is it?¡±


    Momo laced her fingers together, propping her chin thoughtfully on them as she regarded the elven noble. ¡°Well, why not? Do you want to?¡±


    ¡°What, really?¡± Bittercup shrank back in her seat, looking rather like a cat with one too many people staring at it. ¡°I¡­don¡¯t think so. No, definitely not.¡±


    Shin nodded, having expected as much. Bittercup¡¯s own people had treated her as a disposable resource; it was going to take a lot more than some smiling faces and a few favors to rebuild her trust in any group. ¡°Understandable. Still, some of the other elves might be interested. Right? We know all too well that King Glandem doesn¡¯t want them back, so if they had an inkling to make their home here¡­?¡±


    Shin glanced around the table, noting nods all around. Except for Higen who, naturally, spat, his globule of phlegm flying out into the maelstrom of insane nothingness without any indication that it would ever slow down or stop. Shin was gripped by the thought that Higen¡¯s loogie was going to splat onto the brow of some unknowable chaos being somewhere deep within the Inside Place, and that insane god was going to briefly be very confused.


    The Schemer shook himself out of his reverie. ¡°So, yeah. The offer¡¯s on the table.¡±


    Bittercup drummed her fingers across the table, nodding reluctantly. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll let them know. I still don¡¯t fully get why I¡¯m here, though.¡±


    Gero shrugged. ¡°It makes sense to me. We¡¯ve got a lot of elves in Shinki Itten, and they aren¡¯t technically prisoners. So someone needs to speak for them.¡±


    ¡°And that person is me?¡± Bittercup scoffed. ¡°Why not General Wren?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t see that working.¡± Hilde shook her head. ¡°Don¡¯t you think this would be way too close to ¡®working with the enemy¡¯ for the General? I¡¯m pretty sure his sense of military honor is stretched as far as it will go already; a stronger tug would snap him all together.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­blah, yes. You¡¯re right.¡± Bittercup let out a reluctant huff. ¡°Okay fine; I¡¯ll do it. At least until you convince one of the other elves to join up; then it can be their job. Deal?¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Deal.¡± He glanced around the table, noting with curiosity something he¡¯d missed. ¡°Huh. Where¡¯s Mimasu?¡±


    Dyu straightened up. ¡°Oh! I saw him talking to that elf Player? They seemed pretty deep into whatever they were talking about.¡±


    Oh, right. Shin had asked Mimi to distract Galwenlas; it had seemed a safe bet that getting the Grand Elf to talk about himself for a while was a surefire method to keep him busy. How unfortunate; the little scribe was missing out on an excellent note-taking opportunity. His sacrifice would not be forgotten. ¡°Well, was there anything else?¡±


    Gero lifted a finger. ¡°I had a thought. You¡¯d mentioned creating a Council for the Alliance¡¯s government, right? Well, couldn¡¯t we just say this is it?¡±


    Huh. Shin hadn¡¯t considered it, but this was already a perfect cross section of the pack¡¯s population, wasn¡¯t it? Soldiers and farmers, craftsmen and clerics, vicious barbarians and old hermits. Why shouldn¡¯t this be the Council? ¡°Well, how about it? We don¡¯t have a King, obviously, and unless we¡¯re willing to submit to Momo¡¯s tyrannical rule we aren¡¯t a Theocracy either.¡±


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t recommend it,¡± Momo piped up. ¡°I would be very tyrannical.¡±


    ¡°See?¡± Shin swept his arm out to indicate the assembled individuals. ¡°So why don¡¯t we govern ourselves?¡±


    ¡°Nope, I¡¯m out.¡± Higen immediately stood up. ¡°I have no time for this shit.¡±


    Hanbun folded her ears in annoyance. ¡°So the Wild Children are turning down the opportunity to have a say in pack matters? Fine by me.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, fat chance of that.¡± Higen snapped his fingers, and stone-faced Wild Son appeared beside him. ¡°You.¡± The wild kobold shoved his freshly summoned underling into his recently abdicated chair. ¡°You¡¯re our envoy to the house dogs now. You¡¯ll stay in the village until I replace you with someone else.¡±


    The feral kobold whined. ¡°That¡¯s fucking too cruel; can¡¯t you just bite my ear off instead?¡±


    ¡°Tough shit. Do your stretch, and don¡¯t ever fall asleep on watch again.¡±


    ¡°What am I supposed to do though?¡±


    Higen shrugged. ¡°Don¡¯t care. Just try not to get too soft.¡± He quirked an ear, seeming to reconsider. ¡°Actually, one bit of advice.¡± He jerked a thumb towards Shin. ¡°Vote against whatever he votes for.¡±


    Shin forced his hackles to stay down. ¡°I was thinking that I wouldn¡¯t actually have a¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh fuck you ''you weren¡¯t going to have a vote'', Shh.¡± Higen rolled his eyes. ¡°That just means you were gonna talk everyone into voting your way every single fucking time. You not getting a vote would mean you just had every vote.¡±


    Screw this shit. ¡°Fine, whatever.¡± Shin craned his neck forward, catching Higen¡¯s flinty gaze and not letting go. ¡°But you and I are gonna have a chat soon. So finish up whatever atrocity you¡¯re currently waist deep in and get back to the village as soon as possible.¡±The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Higen sneered. ¡°Well well, Is that an order? Oh High and Mighty Schemer?¡±


    Shin raised his eyebrows meaningfully at the others at the table. ¡°How does the Council vote?¡± Every hand immediately rose, baring the dutifully silent Wild Son. The Schemer cocked an eyebrow at Higen, unable to keep his tail from wagging as the wild kobold seethed. ¡°Yes, that is an order.¡±


    Higen only lingered long enough to offer Shin an incredibly rude gesture before vanishing. Goddess, what an asshole.


    ¡°Is that that, then?¡± Shita raised her voice, cutting through the awkwardness of Higen¡¯s exit. ¡°Can we get down to business? Or does anyone else have a speech or tantrum?¡±


    Ol¡¯ Moots scratched at his bald pate thoughtfully. ¡°Well, I was buildin¡¯ up to a right doozy of a tantrum mesself, but I s¡¯pose that can wait until Ol¡¯ Moots is on his own time, eh?¡±


    When no one else spoke up, Shita nodded. ¡°Alright, I¡¯m gonna start it up then. Define Tribe!¡±


    A prompt window immediately rose from the table, the web of decisions that outlined Shinki Itten and their Tribe spinning out above their heads. Huh, it had changed rather significantly since the last time Shin saw it. Before, Shinki Itten had just been a small bubble in a sea of grayed out options, a seedling that might grow in any direction. Now, however, all of those twisting options had collapsed into the bubble itself, a tangled web of possibilities that existed within the framework they had already built.


    The outline of the circle that was Shinki Itten glowed, signaling a choice to be made. The Tribe was already Welcoming, but how open would that welcome be? On the one hand, they could be a Secure Tribe, opting for¨C


    ¡°Secure!¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears flattened in embarrassment as everyone stared at him, the Schemer unable to fight back his impulse to interrupt. ¡°Er, sorry. I just really, really like the idea of Secure.¡±


    Hanbun tilted her head. ¡°I mean, what was the other option even going to be?¡±


    Holz flipped through the prompt. ¡°Open-Handed? It looks like the main difference is that we get fewer boosts if we choose Secure, but Players have more leeway within our borders if we¡¯re Open-Handed.¡±


    Bittercup immediately leaned forward. ¡°Take it from me: You should pick Secure.¡±


    Shin rolled with the elf''s momentum, hoping to settle the issue with her warning fresh on everyone¡¯s minds. ¡°Do we vote on it, then?¡±


    It took a few moments before everyone had hesitantly nodded their agreements, but baring the pouting Wild Son the vote was unanimous. The prompt pulsed as the Council¡¯s decision settled into being, the tangle of decisions nestled within Shinki Itten growing clearer.


    ¡°Huh. Status?¡± Hilde quickly glanced over her sheet, her brow furrowed. ¡°Okay, well, there¡¯s one change right away. I used to be a Guardian, but I¡¯m some sort of hybrid Villager Class now. Banken?¡±


    Watch Dog. That sounded promising.


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shita flipped her way over to another screen, peering at what seemed to be a roster of the pack¡¯s Villagers. ¡°A few other Villager-Classes got merged with combat specialists, too. And it looks like all of us Farmers and Crafters were boosted to the abilities of a standard City Guard.¡±


    So the Villagers of Shinki Itten were as capable as the standard village patrol, and the actual guard were a full on combat Class with all the bells and whistles? Shin did not give one single shit what Open-Handed offered, because he would not trade his pack¡¯s newfound security for anything.


    ¡°Um, there¡¯s more?¡± Holz kept flipping through the prompt. ¡°The System seems sort of pissed that we interrupted its whole spiel, I think, because it¡¯s just spitting out everything we need to choose in a wad of text. It says we still need to pick a Specialization.¡±


    Shin tilted his head towards Bittercup. ¡°Does that mean anything to you?¡±


    The elf shrugged. ¡°Sure. It¡¯s supposed to be what makes Players want to come to your village. At first, at least; it¡¯ll usually change or expand when you do. Quercus was originally a Rest Hub, I think.¡±


    Momo tapped her chin. ¡°So really, this is about what sort of Players we want to attract. Right? So we should probably pass on anything explicitly combat related, right?¡±


    ¡°Well, what about this?¡± Gero pointed to an option. ¡°Bounties? That would bring us Players who wanted to stop crime and do good deeds, right?¡±


    Moots offered Gero a wry grin. ¡°S¡¯true, but there¡¯d have t¡¯be a whole mess o¡¯ crime fer them Players to see to, right? Ol¡¯ Moots¡¯d probably end up gettin¡¯ murdered ten times a day, jus¡¯ so some Player could swoop in and bring his killer t¡¯justice.¡±


    Gero sheepishly flipped past that option. ¡°Oh. Right. So if we picked Hunts, the zone would be menaced by giant monsters, too. This is harder than I thought it might be.¡±


    ¡°Oh! How about this?¡± Dyu highlighted another choice. ¡°Gathering! Moots won¡¯t get murdered by people wanting to pick mushrooms or whatever, right?¡±


    The old hermit shook his head. ¡°Can¡¯t recommend that one, neither. Basic Gatherin¡¯s fine, but if we Specialize then you pups¡¯ll be the proud hosts t¡¯some Rare Materials. Rock, wood, fur, some magic flower; whatever. The Players¡¯ll find out them spawn points right quick, and then they¡¯ll fight tooth an¡¯ claw t¡¯keep them all within their own clutches. Shinki Itten¡¯ll get burned to the ground by Players fightin¡¯ a Holy War over who gets to scoop up the most sacred bird poop fer their potions or what have ye.¡±


    Shin had already thought it once, but at this point he needed to say it aloud. ¡°Moots, I have no idea what we¡¯d do without you.¡±


    Moots chuckled, waving off the compliment. ¡°Aw shush; y¡¯all pups would¡¯ve figgered it straight even without this ol¡¯ chunk o¡¯ coal. Ol'' Moots''s jus¡¯ happy t¡¯save y¡¯all a bit o¡¯ time, is all.¡±


    ¡°It seems to be,¡±¨CHilde prodded her finger down into the table for emphasis¨C¡±That we need to find some option that forces any Player drawn to us to play within our rules. That means some sort of peaceful activity, inside city borders, all under the eyes of me and the other Banken. Ultimately, our only true defense is the threat of being made a Red Player. What fits those criteria?¡±


    Shita pulled up one of the options. ¡°Maybe this will seem a bit self-serving, but how about this? Crafting?¡±


    Hm. That did have a certain appeal. If a Player came to Shinki Itten with the intent of learning Crafting skills, they¡¯d be dealing directly with the Profession Trainers themselves. That would all by necessity take place under the village¡¯s Sanctuary shield. And those same Players would also be incentivized to keep other Players from running amok within Shinki Itten. Plus, even setting the Players aside all together, they¡¯d all benefit from the presence of highly skilled professionals living within their midst.


    The more he thought about it, the more Shin liked this angle. He pulled up the entry himself, noting that further options expanded out. ¡°We¡¯d need to make a further choice if we picked that?¡±


    Shita nodded. ¡°Yeah. We¡¯d get Novice to Expert-Level trainers for the main professions and a selection of the weirder ones, then a handful of Masters for a few of them. But for a Tribe of our size and choices, we¡¯d then get a Grandmaster in a specific Profession.¡±


    ¡°Grandmaster is¡­what, two ranks below the highest possible?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. And while I¡¯m being selfish, I¡¯m absolutely voting for Blacksmithing.¡± Shita perked her ears forward. ¡°I might be as much as twenty percent less mad at anyone who also voted for Blacksmithing.¡±


    Well. Shin supposed he was probably voting for Blacksmithing, then. Bittercup, however, had other thoughts. ¡°Everyone¡¯s got Grandmaster Blacksmiths, and they all teach the same stuff. Why would anyone come all the way here just to learn stuff they can probably pick up in Magica City?¡±


    ¡°Maybe that¡¯s a plus, though.¡± Hilde leaned back in her chair. ¡°A smaller stream of Players would be a good thing, right?¡±


    ¡°Very much no.¡± Shin didn¡¯t want to horrify everyone with the full scope of what had been revealed to him, but he certainly needed to make this point clear. ¡°We¡¯ve gotten by so far because we¡¯ve been too small to notice. But we can¡¯t rely on that anymore, and the fundamental truth about our world is that it exists to entertain these Players. We can be anything we want, except for boring. If we¡¯re boring, we will be gone.¡±


    ¡°Then you definitely should pick something that offers unique patterns or recipes.¡± Bittercup seemed a little surprised at how forthcoming she was being, yet continued to offer her advice all the same. ¡°Alchemy Grandmasters always get a few unique potions, but it¡¯s impossible to tell if they¡¯ll be good or not. Quercus¡¯s has a potion that can turn your hair a slightly different green than the one everyone else¡¯s potion makes. Not great.¡±


    Moots piped up. ¡°What about Cookin¡¯, then?¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Cooking counts as a Crafting Profession?¡±


    ¡°Oh sure! An¡¯ each race gets their own unique cookin¡¯ style, yeah? Aren¡¯t y¡¯all pups th¡¯ only kobolds what exist?¡±


    Gero raised her eyebrows. ¡°Yeah. We¡¯d be the only place where someone could learn Kobold-Style Cooking.¡±


    ¡°Not just that.¡± Hilde nodded towards her fellow hobgoblins. ¡°There isn¡¯t another civilized Hobgoblin Tribe in Magica, we¡¯re pretty sure. So we¡¯d have the only Hobgoblin-Style Cooking, too.¡±


    Shin quickly selected the option for Cooking, confirming Hilde¡¯s speculation. They¡¯d get two Grandmasters for the price of one, both with Styles that couldn¡¯t be learned anywhere else in the world. ¡°What use do Players get out of Cooking? Besides the obvious?¡±


    Bittercup shrugged. ¡°Besides just getting to eat nice things, you mean?¡± Shin nodded, and she shrugged again. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure they get stat buffs from crafted food. They always need them when they¡¯re about to go on Raids or whatever.¡±


    Was that a fact. Shin¡¯s mind was made up. ¡°Should we put it to a vote, then?¡±


    When everyone agreed, Momo began to read her way down the list of options. There were no votes for Alchemy or Animal Husbandry, so she continued right along. ¡°...Are there any votes for Blacksmithing?¡±


    Shita reluctantly kept her hand down, though she couldn¡¯t hold back a small grin when Shin¡¯s hand went up. ¡°Alright, alright; I¡¯m less than fifty-percent mad at you. Can we just skip to the end? We¡¯ve all got a village to run, right?¡±


    Momo nodded, skipping ahead. ¡°Alright then. Cooking?¡±


    Every other hand raised, even the Wild Son. It probably helped that he was technically voting against Shin. With that settled, Momo carefully clicked the chosen entry. The prompt immediately descended back into the table, Shin feeling himself already being pulled away from the Inside Place.


    He quickly called out, a bit miffed that this first meeting of the Shinki Itten Council wasn¡¯t ending with some sort of ceremonial something or other. ¡°Okay great meeting guys next time let¡¯s bring snaaaacks~!¡±


    LA:35l-J refined searching database appropriating culture merging zones opening passage finalizing city design

 48. The New Shinki Itten

    Shinki Itten had been a charming village. The thought of his home¡¯s pastoral delights had kept Shin¡¯s spirits afloat during some of his most troubling moments since stepping away from her familiar comforts. And yet no matter how much he might have cherished his memories of his little village, it was love at first sight with the bustling town that Shinki Itten had become.


    While Shinki Itten had previously been little more than a collection of farms and homes nestled within the protective gaze of a central watchtower, Shin now found himself deposited from the Inside Place to a beautifully maintained garden. Blossoming trees shaded gracefully winding paths that stretched over a space larger than the space the entire original village used to take up, the familiar watchtower now casting its vigilant shadow over a perfectly tended piece of nature transplanted into the middle of civilization.


    Shin didn¡¯t miss that said watchtower had gained a few friends, three more towers standing proud within what appeared to be the districts of Shinki Itten, but the kobold had more pressing concerns at the moment. Namely, he¡¯d just spotted the large ponds that filled the plaza garden and the fish that filled them in a riot of color. His fish.


    The chipper little fish had taken to the Tribe¡¯s upgrade with aplomb, each piscine marvel nearly the length of a man¡¯s arm and painted in a dizzying array of hues. Reds, blues, yellows, even glinting metallic tints that caught the sunlight with a delightful twinkle, all neatly arranged by color and pattern with no two ponds the same. Did becoming a Level Three Tribe have any other benefits besides these fantastic fish? Shin couldn¡¯t really remember anymore.


    ¡°Which¡¯re your favorite?¡±


    That was an excellent question. So excellent, that Shin didn¡¯t even care to bother himself with who¡¯d asked it. ¡°The white and red ones, or maybe the ones with green and black splotches. Or the all orange ones. Blue and silver are definitely in the running, too. I have no idea that question is so hard.¡±


    ¡°Oh. I like the yellow ones.¡±


    Goddess they made it sound so simple. ¡°How did you pick, though?!¡±


    ¡°Because yellow is my favorite color!¡±


    That...wow, yes. A simple, elegant choice, clear-headed and free from all indecisiveness. Shin¡¯s fellow fish lover clearly had a clarity of vision that most lacked. The Schemer turned to tell his new friend just that, only to find himself staring down into the eyes of a small child.


    Huh. A child. Shin had never seen one of those before. Both kobolds tilted their heads in unison as Shin realized that some part of him had idly assumed children would be just like all the kobolds he¡¯d already known, but tinier. But no, this scrap of a thing with his guileless eyes and oversized ears nearly as big as his head was something entirely different. This was new.


    Fortunately, even while stunned Shin knew the best way to respond. ¡°Yellow is great.¡±


    The young kobold nodded knowingly, his chest puffing up with pride as the woman holding his hand took notice of the conversation that what could only be her son was having. She took a quick glance at Shin, seeming to consider and immediately dismiss him as a threat before turning her eyes back. Then she wrenched her head back in a massive double take, nearly leaping out of her robe when she apparently realized who precisely it was her child was talking with. ¡°Oh Goddess, I¡¯m so sorry! So sorry to waste your time; he doesn¡¯t know who he¡¯s bothering! I¡¯m truly sorry for¨C¡±


    ¡°No no! No.¡± Shin immediately waved off the woman¡¯s concerns, quite embarrassed by her show of deference. ¡°I don¡¯t mind at all; to the contrary, in fact.¡±


    The woman nodded, her ears still folded back in lingering consternation. ¡°Tama always wants to come and see your fish, my l¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh no, please just call me Shin.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, yes! Well, he simply adores your garden. How you maintain all of this alongside every other thing is simply a miracle!¡±


    Shin oversaw this entire plaza? Well, he could already guess the secret behind how he managed it: involved hobbies are a lot easier when you don¡¯t have a damn job. ¡°I¡¯m sure compared to raising such a promising member of our next generation, managing a few plants and fish is nothing.¡±


    Tama¡¯s Mother beamed at that, and the little kobold immediately sensed he had a moment to strike. ¡°I want to feed the yellow ones, but the signs say we can¡¯t!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true, I¡¯m afraid.¡± Shin knelt down, his expression solemn as he shook his head. ¡°If you feed the fish, they¡¯ll love you forever. They might abandon their ponds and try to follow you home!¡±


    Tama¡¯s tail burst into a frantic wag, his little fists clenched as tightly as he could manage. ¡°What! But I want that!¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± Shin rubbed his chin, making a show of considering that. ¡°Well, then how about this? If you come by some morning during feeding time, you can give the yellow ones their food. How does that sound?¡±


    ¡°Uh~!¡± The young boy nearly poofed out in excitement, his tail whipping around in violent delight as he stared up at his mother with pleading eyes. ¡°Can I? Can I pleeease~?¡±


    The woman laughed musically, her ears finally unfolded as she offered Shin a grateful smile. ¡°Maybe, but only if you can go to bed without a fuss tonight. Can you do that, Tama?¡±


    Tama nodded with the sort of fierce resolve that only zealots, small children and the truly insane can manage. ¡°I can. I will go to bed right now.¡±


    ¡°Haha, well, maybe we¡¯ll wait a little while longer to¡­oh!¡± The woman straightened up, slipping back into courteous formality as she took notice of something over Shin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m terribly sorry, it seems we are keeping you from your duties after all.¡±


    Shin glanced back to find Mimasu standing there, waiting politely for his conversation to end. How long had the scribe been there? Well, no matter. ¡°Well, it was my absolute pleasure to be kept from them.¡±


    The woman bowed in gracious farewell before starting off, little Tama furiously waving goodbye. ¡°Bye~! See you tomorrow~! The yellow ones are gonna like me best~!¡±


    Mimasu cleared his throat as Shin waved back, offering the Schemer a peppy grin. ¡°That was cute! You do realize that you¡¯re going to have a horde of children demanding to feed their favorite colors of fish now though, right?¡±


    ¡°I think I can handle that. Oh, before I forget!¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± The scribe tilted his head as Shin produced a few sheets of folded paper. ¡°What¡¯s this?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the notes from our Tribal Decision meeting; I figured that even though you weren¡¯t there, you¡¯d want¡­¡± Shin trailed off, his ears flicking up in surprise. ¡°Uh, Mimi, are you crying?¡±


    The kobold let out a loud, emotional sniff as he clutched the papers tightly to his chest, his tail wagging in unalloyed glee. ¡°This is the nicest thing that has ever happened to me.¡±The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°Oh, um. You¡¯re welcome?¡±


    Mimasu sniffed again, the smile all but bursting off of his face. ¡°Just as soon as I¡¯ve corrected the undoubtedly countless spelling and style errors in these notes, I will treasure them.¡±


    Huh. Shin wasn¡¯t¡­entirely thrilled with all of that sentiment, but he supposed it would be best to just roll with it. ¡°Was there something that needed my attention?¡±


    ¡°What? Oh. Right. A Player¡¯s arriving.¡±


    Shin¡¯s tail shot up in alarm. ¡°What! Already?!¡± When Mimi nodded in confirmation, Shin immediately turned to start towards Moots¡¯s farm and the zone¡¯s exit. ¡°There¡¯s no time to waste, I need to be there when¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the wrong way.¡±


    ¡°What? But the only zone barrier is¨C¡±


    ¡°Not anymore.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    As Shin raced through the streets of Shinki Itten, Mimasu close at his heels, he couldn¡¯t help sparing a second to admire the tactical simplicity of the town¡¯s layout. Every district had been seemingly built around its own watchtower, meaning a fortified position to gather in was never further than a short walk regardless of where one might find themselves. Shinki Itten was beautiful, no doubt, but it was also defensible.


    Shin had to admit it: Whichever storied ancestor of theirs the System created out of whole cloth to take credit for the construction of Shinki Itten had done a damned good job.


    Goddess, that was a confusing thought.


    Mimasu had already given Shin the details, but the Schemer couldn¡¯t allow himself to believe it until he saw it with his own eyes. All he could think about was that conversation he¡¯d eavesdropped on between the Sky Voice and the Empty Voice. Sky Voice had been so concerned about something happening with the zone¡¯s lake, could it have meant¡­?


    The streets of Shinki Itten gave way, laying bare the answer as clearly as day. Shin could only gaze in wonder as the river that cut through the city itself tumbled out into not the lake that had become so familiar, but a full fledged bay. And beyond that?


    The sea. Nothing but blue, expanding out endlessly.


    Shin¡¯s shoulders slumped as he continued to stare out at that expanse of azure, unable for the moment to admire the bustling port that ringed the estuary¡¯s sapphire waters. Some part of him was simply gripped by the sheer majesty of the sight, but the rest¡­the Sky Voice had been worried something would happen, and clearly that concern had been well-founded.


    So what, then, was the Ring? And the Edge that was meant to keep them from¡­doing whatever it was they shouldn¡¯t be doing with the Ring? Was the ocean the Edge? For the first time in his life, Shin actually regretted having a special insight into something. As loath as he would have normally been to admit it, there were clearly some secrets that he¡¯d have been happier leaving unlearned.


    ¡°Surprised you¡¯re the last one here.¡± Shin had been so distracted by both the changes to the city and his own private turmoil he¡¯d completely missed Gero¡¯s presence, the woman already standing ready at the docks. ¡°Even Hilde beat you, and she wasted time enlisting a whole army.¡±


    Hilde tsked, Gero¡¯s barb over the half dozen Banken lined up behind her deflecting off of the hobgoblin¡¯s confidence as she nodded towards the ship swiftly approaching the docks. ¡°If the Player jumps off that ship and immediately starts setting everything on fire, you¡¯ll be glad that I brought extra hands to keep things under control. Maybe you should have thought about bringing some help, too?¡±


    ¡°I did.¡± Gero jerked her thumb over her shoulder, indicating the impatiently wiggling Bex. ¡®I brought her. She already exploded the head of one Player; she could probably do it again.¡±


    ¡°Um, hopefully no one¡¯s head¡¯ll get exploded?¡± Bex squinted at the ship, her lips silently moving as she did her best to read the name painted on its side. ¡°The¡­Octo Poix? That sounds sort of¨C¡±


    ¡°Finally!¡± A voice called from the prow of the expensive-looking ship as it slowed to a halt, several figures on board expertly bowlining the vessel to the docks once it finally stopped. A gangplank enrobed red fabric extended out and the owner of the voice immediately descended, unquestionably a Player and, at least for the moment, friendly.


    They were some sort of race Shin had never seen before, tall and willowy with blueberry-colored skin and a short shock of rose-gold hair. Their face was all angles, sharp cheekbones and pointed chin and hawkish nose, giving their pale eyes the quality of being intensely focused on anything they might fall upon. Their manner of dress stood out as well, clad in a tightly buttoned jacket so pristinely white that Shin doubted even a speck of grime had ever befouled it.


    The Player took a moment to inspect the comings and goings of the dock, offering pleasant if somewhat brusque nods to any villagers who happened to glance their way. After a moment, though, they began to tap their foot. Were they¡­waiting for something? Oh crap, was Shin supposed to go say something?


    Regardless of what the proper protocol would have been, when the Player laid eyes on Shin they quickly marked the kobold and his companions as locals of status. ¡°Hey!¡± They called out, cupping a hand around their mouth, ¡°Where¡¯s my fanfare?¡±


    Shin tilted his head, sharing a confused look with Gero before calling back. ¡°What do you mean? What fanfare?¡±


    ¡°For my achievement!¡± The Player threw out their hands, indicating the docks and the village that lay beyond. ¡°Should I get a World¡¯s First for being the first one here?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex pulled up a status window and clicked a few options, calling back to the other Player in a mixture of sheepishness and excitement. ¡°Forgot I had my Mantle on. Sorry, I already got that one!¡±


    The Player huffed in mild annoyance, plopping their fists onto their curved hips. ¡°Oh blah. Well, congratulations¡­?¡±  They trailed off expectantly, raising their eyebrows at Bex.


    ¡°Oh! I¡¯m Bex, hey!¡±


    This seemed to be as good a moment to speak up as Shin would get. ¡°And we¡¯re members of the Shinki Itten Council.¡± Shin nodded towards Bex and Hilde, both warriors offering the new Player courteous if reserved greetings. ¡°On behalf of Shinki Itten and the Grand Alliance, we welcome¨C¡±


    The Player waved away what was almost certainly going to be a long introduction. ¡°Yeah yeah, cute dog people and hobgoblins; I get it, I love it, it¡¯s great.¡± They clapped their hands together, excitedly inspecting the dock activity once again. ¡°Now I¡¯ve already missed one World¡¯s First, and I¡¯m not going to miss another. What¡¯s the keystone ingredient for your Cooking Styles? It¡¯s got to be some sort of seafood, right? I¡¯d bet my eighteenth Star on it. That¡¯s the one I earned in-game. My First World First, coincidentally.¡±


    Bex let out a gasp, recognition blooming across her face. ¡°Omigosh, I know you! You¡¯re, um, that chef! From that show!¡±


    ¡°Which show?¡± The Player idly replied, ¡°Chef Masters, Hellhole Restaurant or Celebrities Can¡¯t Cook?¡±


    ¡°All three I guess! I mean, mostly from clips of you making famous people cry? Which are probably taken from those shows, I bet?¡±


    The other Player gave a bemused laugh at that, leaning in to inspect a crate of vegetables being unpacked. ¡°Sounds about right.¡±


    ¡°You know this person?¡± Shin asked Bex, keeping his voice low.


    ¡°Yeah totally; they¡¯re Chef Yasmar! Totally famous chef, had a bunch of big time restaurants, closed them all and only cooks in Magica now. You have to wait like six months to get a seat at their place in Magica City! They¡¯re one of the only Players to reach Pinnacle Master in Cooking!¡±


    Pinnacle Master, huh? That was the highest rank someone could reach in a profession without some sort of transcendent event. Shinki Itten wasn¡¯t simply playing host to a Player. Their guest was a bonafide celebrity.


    ¡°Give me some sense of urgency here, people.¡± Yasmar rolled their hand in a circle, attempting to coax anyone into answering their question. ¡°You must have some sort of special ingredient local to the city, right?¡±


    Well, the Player was probably right? Shin considered the matter. ¡°Well, we grow a wide variety of vegetables and grains. We¡¯ve got silkie chickens, and the pork we raise is particularly fine. But I¡­¡± Before he could finish that thought, Shin¡¯s eyes focused on something happening further down the docks. ¡°Actually, I think you might be able to see for yourself?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± Yasmar turned around to spot a new ship settling down on the other side of the docks, her burly crew securing her to the pier before descending with their catch. Each sailor carried in their sturdy arms an enormous crustacean, easily the size of a small child. The huge creatures were tightly trussed, with special attention paid to securing the six massive, meaty-looking claws attached to their spindly legs.


    Yasmar let out a hiss of breath, their pale eyes blazing with excitement. ¡°Dire Shrimp. Fuck yes. Go get your Style Masters, find us a kitchen, and bring me ten of those babies. I¡¯m about to take your mouth to fucking heaven.¡±

 49. Mithril Chef

    ¡°Hey, maybe this is a weird question, but are you Hugot¡¯s wife?¡±


    The hobgoblin woman shook her head without looking away from the noodles she expertly pulled between her hands. ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°Dang.¡± Shin drummed his fingers thoughtfully against the table. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to give her his regards. I¡¯m gonna have to visit a bunch more inns, I guess.¡±


    ¡°Inns?¡± Hilde questioned around her mouthful of pickled radish, ¡°Why inns? Doesn¡¯t Hugot¡¯s wife own the bath house?¡±


    Gero gestured with her empty cup towards Shin, prompting the other kobold to pour her another helping as she corrected their hobgoblin companion. ¡°That¡¯s not it. Hugot from the fortress, right?¡± The woman knocked back her newly filled cup, immediately waggling it towards Shin to be filled again. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure his wife oversees the cleaning staff for the Oninu Sect Temple.¡±


    Shin raised his eyebrows slightly as he refilled Gero¡¯s cup. ¡°Oninu Sect?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s my sect. I¡¯m the Grandmaster.¡± The woman squinted an eye at Shin as she took a slower sip of her drink, her playfully perked ears undermining her attempt at a look of annoyance. ¡°Try to keep up, eh Shin?¡±


    ¡°Of course Grandmaster.¡±


    Gero snorted into her cup, splashing the clear liquor inside onto her face as Bex leaned across the table. ¡°So wait, who is Hugot¡¯s wife?¡±


    ¡°Ah! Allow me!¡± Mimasu flipped backwards in his book, producing a sheet of paper that was filled to the margins with notes. The scribe took a brief moment to reacquainted himself with his findings, set the paper down on the table, then sagely laced his fingers together. ¡°We have no idea.¡±


    Shin slapped his hand down onto the table, his face turning deadly serious. ¡°Well we¡¯d better find her soon! Hugot¡¯s regards for her are already the fondest; who knows what levels of fondness they¡¯ll grow to if we can¡¯t find her in time?!¡±


    ¡°Oh damn.¡± Hilde lowered her fresh slice of radish, mirroring the kobold¡¯s grim tones. ¡°Fonderest, maybe?¡±


    ¡°Ooo, maybe Fondester!¡± Bex¡¯s tail waggled excitedly as she got into the game. ¡°Is that more or less than Fonderest?¡±


    Yasmar seemed amused by the group¡¯s wordplay, though he remained vaguely impatient for the food to arrive. ¡°Fond is the word for the carmelized bits left on the bottom of a pan after you¡¯ve browned something. It¡¯s the closest evidence there is for the existence of a benevolent God.¡±


    ¡°Fondestest!¡± Gero gestured firmly with her cup, sloshing most of its contents over her hand. ¡°Fondestestest. Est.¡± She giggled as she found herself trapped by the noise¡¯s siren call, her cheeks beginning to flush with the beginning signs of her intoxication. ¡°Est est~.¡±


    Oh boy. The food had better get here soon.


    The newly arrived Chef¡¯s insistence upon a showcase of Shinki Itten¡¯s native styles had sparked an impromptu dinner party of sorts, the motley crew of friends old and new having taken over a tavern near the docks to hold the culinary spectacle. Gero and Hilde had been at the right place and the right time, as had Bex and Mimasu, and the two extremely excited-looking fishermen had earned their seats by virtue of hauling Yasmar¡¯s Dire Shrimp to their destination.


    That had still left a seat unfilled, however. Momo had been forced to decline, however, busy as she was with the more mystic elements of her position of High Priestess. She seemed to imply that something was going on with Tasan Okaa Herself? Normally a thought such as that would have consumed Shin¡¯s every waking thought, but right now his rumbling stomach held dominion over his ravenous curiosity. And while Shin had briefly considered inviting Bittercup along, he quickly realized that inviting the elf to join a Player for dinner was probably the quickest way to send her running for the hills.


    And so Shin had left it up to the others to find their final dining guest, allowing him to be entirely surprised when the spot was filled by Old Hob. In all the excitement since first meeting the wizened hobgoblin, Shin had nearly forgotten about the ancient man. It was almost a pity that so many fascinating things had been happening all at once; details and twists that were entirely captivating couldn¡¯t help falling through the cracks. He seemed as dazed and listless as ever, but Hilde seemed certain that being around people would do him good.


    Well, Shin wasn¡¯t sure about that; Old Hob seemed precisely as listless and doddering as he¡¯d always been. But at the very least the company didn¡¯t seem to be doing him any harm. The increasingly rowdy chatter and laughter of the group seemed to wash right over him, the world around him unable to pierce the armor of his dim, watery eyes. He was even unmoved by the raucous cheer that went up as the doors to the kitchen flung open and the first Grandmaster strode out, his apprentices filing out behind him with trays of bowls in hand.


    The Kobold Grandmaster Chef was a slight man with a particularly bushy tail and who cares, oh Goddess what is that they¡¯re bringing out? Shin couldn¡¯t hold back his salivation as he gazed upon the massive filets of Dire Shrimp tail coming towards him, coated in batter as golden as a crown and regally perched atop a bowl of clear broth as if it were a throne. Shin knew precisely what was about to happen, and there was no force on earth that could stop him: a bowl would be put down before him, he would stick his face directly into that bowl, and he was going to devour every scrap of that Bigness even if it made his stomach explode.


    Down went the bowl. Down went Shin¡¯s face. And¡­then he paused? The kobold¡¯s nose twitched as the aroma wafting from the broth twisted into his nostrils. What was that, lemon grass? There much more though, of that he was certain. Star anise? Ginger? A dozen scents curled around Shin¡¯s mind, familiar and unfamiliar alike blending into a subtle tapestry he doubted anyone without Enhanced Sense could truly appreciate.


    Shin abruptly realized that, rather than horking the entire filet down in one gulp, he was thoughtfully chewing on small bites as he continued breathing deep of the complex notes of the soup. The other kobolds were as well; even Gero, who had been dangerously close to being full-on drunk, was sipping soup with the manners of a queen. Hilde and the other hobgoblins weren¡¯t quite as enchanted but clearly enjoying themselves, the guard captain even managing to get Old Hob to take a small nibble.


    ¡°...comes together in the right way.¡± Oh, the Grandmaster had been talking this whole time. ¡°By setting two aspects of kobold nature to collide, it creates an experience so much better than simply gobbling up the biggest food available.¡± He took a sip of his own soup, nodding in approval before continuing. ¡°That can be nice, though. Now and again.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I see.¡± Yasmar carefully chewed a bite of their own filet, their face inscrutable. ¡°No utensils? I¡¯ve seen chopsticks here and there.¡±


    The Grandmaster nodded. ¡°We use them, yes, but they aren¡¯t entirely traditional. The Goddess already supplied us with the finest utensils that exist: Hands. So use them! Be connected with your food!¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± Yasmar lifted their bowl, taking a deep inhale before glancing towards the Grandmaster again. ¡°So mechanically speaking. This gives extra bonuses to anyone with the Enhanced Senses perk, or an equivalent?¡± When the kobold nodded in response, Yasmar set their bowl back down. ¡°Okay. Interesting. Next please!¡±


    The doors to the kitchen burst open, revealing a handsome hobgoblin woman carrying a massive tray of shrimp fritters that still visibly steamed with heat. Shin felt like he knew this woman; she owned one of the taverns that off-duty Banken frequented, right? He had a few resurfaced memories of being dragged there by Hilde and cajoled into trying¨CYou could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Shin stared at the innocuous little balls, packed full of shrimp and diced vegetables, with a growing sense of dread. It was coming back to him. Hobgoblin food was spicy.


    ¡°Go on, eat!¡± The Hobgoblin Grandmaster exclaimed, effortlessly dropping the sizable platter onto the table with arms easily as beefy as Koda the blacksmith¡¯s. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta eat them while they¡¯re still nearly hot enough to burn your mouth. That¡¯s when they¡¯re best.¡±


    The fisherman clearly agreed, immediately popping fritters in their mouths and beginning to writhe in their seats in a mixture of pain and delight. Hilde hesitated, however, offering the Grandmaster a pleading look. ¡°Come on, where¡¯s the¨C¡± She cut herself off with a grin as the other hobgoblin produced a jar of chili paste so dark it was nearly black. ¡°That¡¯s the stuff!¡± She liberally smeared her frittered with the intense concoction before tilting it towards Shin with a mischievous grin. ¡°Here you go!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m good, thanks.¡± Shin took a nibble of his unsauced fritter, noting that it was delicious and still quite spicy even without anything on top.


    ¡°Well I¡¯ll try it!¡± Bex dunked her ball into the sauce, undaunted by Shin¡¯s reluctance. ¡°I¡¯m not afraid of your fancy fantasy world spices!¡±


    ¡°Me too, obviously.¡± Gero practically doused her fritter with an obscene amount of the deeply fermented hobgoblin chili paste, alarm bells blaring in Shin¡¯s brain. Goddess, he could almost see the steam lines of sheer spice bursting off of the pepper-drowned ball, clawing their way through the air to take the shape of a leering skull. This was going to be a problem.


    Bex, for her part, seemed blissfully unaware of said problem. ¡°We eat pretty spicy stuff in my family, you know?¡± She lifted her fritter for a bite, completely blind to Shin¡¯s silent warnings. ¡°So I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll even mmph?!¡±


    The Player shot up from her seat a split second after taking a bite, her face bright red as her body instinctively attempted to fight off the forces from the Fire Dimension that were apparently invading her mouth. The hobgoblins roared in a mixture of laughter and approval as the girl screwed her eyes shut and swallowed the blazing hot mouthful, sinking back down and letting out a shocked gasp as soon as she managed to unseal her scorched lips. ¡°Oh shits that is hot!¡±


    Yasmar picked up the jar, giving it an approving sniff. ¡°Huh.¡± They tapped a generous dollop of the fearsome stuff onto a finger, popping it into their mouth without a hint of reaction beyond measured approval. ¡°This is good; how long does this ferment for?¡±


    ¡°How long? Why ever stop? It doesn¡¯t get any kind of punch unless the flavors¡¯ve spent at least a year getting to know each other¡± The Hobgoblin Grandmaster beamed down in pride at the jar. ¡°That there is three generations old. The good stuff.¡±


    As Yasmar and the Grandmaster continued to chat about proper fermenting procedures, Shin snuck a glance at Gero. The woman was staring helplessly at the chili-laden fritter in her hand, trapped between the anvil of her pride and the hammer of spice that was sure to absolutely destroy her mouth. She glanced up at Shin, silently imploring him to tell her what she should do.


    Well, crap. Shin supposed there was only one thing to do, wasn¡¯t there? Calling upon every ounce of will he could muster, he reached out and plucked the fritter from Gero¡¯s hand. Then, with a silent plea to the Goddess to take mercy and dull his senses, he popped the entire thing into his mouth and swallowed.


    And then everything was swirls and madness for a while.


    Shin might have been dead. It was hard to tell, what with all the swirls and madness and such.


    After maybe a decade of oblivion, Shin thought he might have been coming to? But then the full brunt of the chili sauce thundered through his nose, and he realized it had been maybe three seconds and he was still swallowing the damn thing. Bluh. Back to swirls and madness, then.


    By the time Shin finally blinked back into consciousness, it was clear some time had actually passed. Yasmar was no longer at the table, having apparently traded places in the kitchen with the two Grandmasters who joined the other dinner guests. Shin sniffed experimentally, wincing as the air rushed through sinuses that had been through the culinary equivalent of a brush fire. On the plus side, he was going to be able to smell everything exceptionally well for the next few days. Assuming his sense of smell ever came back.


    ¡°Hey.¡±


    Shin glanced over, noting Gero¡¯s sincere look of gratitude through bleary eyes. ¡°Wha?¡±


    ¡°Thanks for that.¡± She kept her voice to a whisper as she pressed her cup into Shin¡¯s hands. ¡°If Hilde¡¯d seen me back down, I¡¯d have had to shave my head and become a monk.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin took a long draw from the warrior¡¯s cup, shivering at the way the clear spirits tingled down his clear-cut throat. ¡°That might¡¯ve been a good look for you.¡±


    Gero laughed, throwing an arm around Shin¡¯s shoulder as she poured more liquor into the cup. ¡°Obviously. Everything¡¯s a good look for me.¡±


    Shin grinned back, though his rejoinder was cut short by the appearance of Yasmar. ¡°Alright, this is my Proof of Expertise for you, Grandmasters of Shinki Itten and guests.¡± They stepped aside to allow a fanciful serving cart to glide out of the kitchen under its own power, bearing Dire Shrimp claws bright red and still steaming. ¡°I could have done something fancier, but when you have ingredients this spectacular why get in the way of them?¡±


    Bex¡¯s eyes were very large as she hefted one of the claws. ¡°This is a crab claw as big as a turkey leg. Oh my God.¡±


    ¡°I know, right?¡± Yasmar grinned in satisfied delight. ¡°See, this is why I only cook in-game anymore. How could I ever go back to lobster ravioli and well-done tenderloin after finding this garden of delights?¡±


    The sight of the giant claws sparked a swift resurgence of Shin¡¯s senses, the kobold taking hold of the tip of the claw and wriggling the meat free from its pre-cracked shell. It was love at the first nibble: rich and sweet, almost creamy, melting away on his scorched tongue like a balm for his war-torn mouth.


    ¡°Now try it with the sauce!¡±


    Sauce? Crap, Shin had somehow already eaten the entire thing. He watched in deep regret as the others dipped their claws into a golden yellow sauce, cursing his moment of gluttony until the heavenly scent of lemon and garlic knocked him out of his despair.¡±


    ¡°Here,¡± Gero offered, proffering her own claw. ¡°Have a bite of mine.¡±


    Apparently good deeds paid off. Paid off in shrimp claws. Shin leaned down for a courteously small bite, exulting in the way the sharp lemon, tangy garlic and rich butter somehow heightened the natural flavor of the Dire Shrimp. Yasmar clearly wasn¡¯t a Pinnacle Master for nothing. They knew their stuff.


    The Grandmasters clearly agreed, sharing a glance of silent agreement as soon as they¡¯d stripped their own claws completely clean. ¡°Okay, we¡¯ve decided,¡± the Kobold Grandmaster started, pausing every so often to lick a bit of butter sauce from his fingers. ¡°We¡¯ll teach you everything we know, but on one condition.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Yasmar queried, raising their eyebrows. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    The Hobgoblin Grandmaster gave the chef a hopeful look. ¡°As soon as we¡¯ve taught you everything, maybe you could teach us?¡±


    The chef snorted, clearly flattered by the praise. ¡°Of course! I actually had a few ideas already, we could¨C¡±


    Yasmar¡¯s proposal was interrupted by a gasp, Hilde clapping her hands onto the table in shock. ¡°Look!¡±


    It didn¡¯t take long to find the source of the guard¡¯s astonishment. Old Hob had actually lifted his claw with both shaking hands, his eyes closed as he took slow yet purposeful bites. He paused long enough to take in a gasp of air, and the eyes that reopened didn¡¯t seem quite as dim as they had before.


    Hilde gasped again as the old man¡¯s lips moved, a sound so faint creaking from his throat that even the enhanced senses of a kobold couldn¡¯t make sense of it. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Hilde asked insistently, pressing a supportive hand to the ancient hobgoblin¡¯s shoulder. ¡°What did you say?¡±


    ¡°...Ss¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes? Yes?!


    ¡°...Salt¡­¡±


    The table was silent for a long moment, and then the two Grandmasters burst into laughter as Yasmar shook their head in rueful good humor. It seemed that even Pinnacle Masters still got critics, huh?

 50. Gregory Chambers Does Not Exist

    Wren heaved the final stack of logs into the back of the well-laden cart, willing himself not to grunt at the brief tinge of pain in his lower back. The general knew that at the first sign of physical discomfort he¡¯d been swarmed by well-meaning younger elves intent on relieving his burden, and that simply wouldn¡¯t do. Wren could handle his share of the burden. He wasn¡¯t that old.


    Besides, a little pain was more than outweighed by the benefits. Wren had come to relish the burn in his arms, the soothing chill from the evening breeze caressing his sweat-dotted brow. When he and his troops had first been taken into their strange not-imprisonment, Wren had been committed to taking no further part in the work details. The Alliance seemed to be fair and just, and offering their help to repair the outpost had certainly raised their standing with their captors, but actually working their fields? Wouldn¡¯t do. Too much like completely giving in. No, Wren would stay in his housing and keep his pride. Maybe write his memoirs. Gods knew he¡¯d already had a more interesting life than most Oaken Elves.


    Well, one day spent staring at a black sheet of paper with a quill in hand had thrown that idea neatly out the window. No one needed to read Wren¡¯s fumbling thoughts on the missteps of his ill-fated command. At least a day spent in the fields produced something people could actually use. And more than a few of his troops had been refraining from work detail out of solidarity with him; Wren would throw away his dignity every single time if it meant the elves serving under him were able to turn what should have been a stark internment into something much better.


    Blah. Here he was, lost in his own musings. Maybe he was getting too old. Wren took a moment to wipe the back of his neck before turning back to the young elf he¡¯d been working with. ¡°That was it?¡±


    ¡°Yes General,¡± he chirped back, his axe propped on his shoulder, ¡°That was the last of it!¡±


    Wren offered the soldier, scarcely more than a boy, a rueful chuckle. ¡°Son, I sincerely doubt I¡¯m a general of anything any more. You could just call me Wren if you liked.¡± The older elf chuckled again as the younger man protested, waving his refusal away good-naturedly as he leaned back against the cart. ¡±Fine, fine; call me what you like. It¡¯s too fine a day to argue.¡±


    The other elf nodded in agreement, joining Wren as they both stared out at the fields of Shinki Itten. ¡°It is nice here. Right, General?¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Wren could hardly disagree. The sunset cast an ocean of pale peach and purple across the rolling farmland, kobolds and hobgoblins living their lives of simple fulfillment in a scene of picturesque contentment. Wren had already spent more time in Shinki Itten than he had in Quercus, and if he was being honest he had to admit he preferred the former. Not that he¡¯d ever say it. Instead, he nudged the younger man with his elbow. ¡°Nicer for some than others though, yes?¡±


    The other elf furrowed his brow. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re¨C¡±


    ¡°Hey~!¡±


    He immediately stiffened as a kobold girl leading a placid pack ox appeared through the clearing, bright red creeping up his neck as she waved at the two elves with a sunny grin. ¡°You guys are done already? Wow, great work! Are you sure you weren¡¯t born a farmhand, Aryn?¡±


    Wren knew that Young Ayrn was from a poor but prestigious Oaken Elf family, not quite noble but close enough. He knew that if Aryn¡¯s father ever heard someone suggest that his youngest son might be anything close to a farmer, the proud man would have immediately set himself on fire. And yet all the same, the young man simply blushed even harder in response to the girl¡¯s well-intended compliment. ¡°Um, thanks Hana. Just, you know, doing my best.¡±


    ¡°I can tell!¡± The girl pushed a lock of curly hair out from her face, her wide smile sparkling against her sun-browned skin. ¡°I¡¯ll get the cart hitched up and get those logs down to the farm. And then, um,¡± She gained a bit of red in her own cheeks, ¡°Then you could join us for dinner? You worked so hard, it¡¯s the least we can do!¡± The girl blinked, her coyly averted eyes reminding her that Wren was still there. ¡°Oh! Both of you, of course! You both worked so hard! Um, sorry sir!¡±


    The older man couldn¡¯t resist another chuckle. He¡¯d found himself chuckling a lot, lately. ¡°Don¡¯t give it a second thought. Now, I already have plans, but young Aryn,¡± He clapped a hand to the younger elf¡¯s shoulder, ¡°Would be thrilled to join you.¡± He glanced down at the other man. ¡°Right, Aryn?¡±


    The elf shakily nodded, a bit of a crack worming its way into his voice. ¡°Um, yes! Definitely! I love dinner!¡±


    ¡°Oh! Great! Me too!¡± Hana flashed the boy another dazzling smile as urged her ox towards the other end of the cart. ¡°Just lemme get Dumpling fixed up, and then we can ride down together!¡±


    Aryn waved again as the girl busied herself the cart¡¯s yoke, unable to take her eyes off of her even as Wren quietly spoke. ¡°Seems you really do like it here.¡± When the young man managed a distracted nod, Wren cautiously continued. ¡°You know, son¡­if you wanted to start a new life, with a new Side, no one would¨C¡±


    That knocked the elf out of his reverie. ¡°What? No, I wouldn¡¯t do that to you!¡±


    Wren shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s not doing something ¡®to¡¯ me, it¡¯s doing something for yourself. I wouldn¡¯t¨C¡±


    Aryn¡¯s resolve had been firmly set, however. ¡°No, I won¡¯t abandon my duty. Not me.¡± He shook himself, then started towards the front of the cart. ¡°I¡¯ll help get the firewood down to the farm, and then I¡¯ll be back for the evening meal with all the other troops. You can count on me, General.¡±


    The general managed to keep his sigh unvocalized as he watched Aryn and Hana finish harnessing the ox and ride away, the young man¡¯s renewed commitment causing a fresh distance to grow between the pair. Unfortunate.


    Clearly Wren wasn¡¯t the only one who thought so. ¡°You noticed, right?¡± The older elf wasn¡¯t particularly surprised to find Bittercup standing at the edge of the clearing, watching the departing cart with an air of regret. ¡°His ears.¡±


    After working so closely with the boy, it would have been hard to miss. It was a simple truth about elves: put them in a new environment, and they tend to adapt to that environment. Elves in forest become Wood Elves, elves at sea become Sea Elves, elves in fancy magical cities become Unbearable. But it only happens when an elf has truly gained a deep affinity for their new surroundings, when something deep inside of them absolutely wants to cast their past aside and embrace a new future.


    And regardless of what Aryn claimed, his ears told the truth that he wouldn¡¯t. His sharp, stocky Oaken Elf ears were gradually becoming longer, gaining a charming sort of wobble. It wouldn¡¯t be much longer before Magica officially had a new variety of elf.


    ¡°You know that none of them will join up with the village, right?¡± Bittercup leaned against a tree, shooting Wren a questioning look. ¡°None of them want to be the first. They think it¡¯d be a betrayal.¡±


    Wren pulled off his work gloves, tucking them into his belt. ¡°I know. I¡¯ve tried to tell them it isn¡¯t. They don¡¯t owe anything to Quercus or King Glandem.¡±


    Bittercup arched an eyebrow. ¡°They don¡¯t care about Glandem. They think they¡¯d be betraying you.¡±


    At that, the general had to frown. He knew it was true, though. Silly of them. Very silly. ¡°Making better lives for themselves isn¡¯t a betrayal. Jumping off a sinking ship doesn¡¯t make you disloyal to the captain.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, did you ever think that maybe they¡¯d feel better about abandoning ship if the captain would consider doing the same?¡±


    Ugh. She was right, and Wren faintly wished he could find that more annoying. Wren had considered more than once that, had he led a different life, a daughter of his would likely be right around Bittercup¡¯s age. And as much as he wanted to take refuge in the easy excuses of Honor and Duty, he knew that those platitudes would be nothing but ash in his mouth against the girl. ¡°I¡­¡± He cut himself off before he¡¯d even started that thought, a weariness settling heavily over him. Maybe he was getting too old. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯ve thought about it, but¡­¡±The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Bittercup offered the man an understanding smile, reaching out to pluck a bit of leaf from behind his ear. ¡°I know. These are still good ol¡¯ Oaken Elf ears, no question about it.¡±


    Another man might have turned the question around on Bittercup, might have pointed out that her ears were also the same as always. Questioned why she wasn¡¯t making the first move to this new home. But Wren knew better. He knew the horrors that she had barely escaped the last time she¡¯d been beholden to a Side and a Tribe. For Bittercup to ever put herself in that position again? It would take an almost miraculous act. Shin was clever, but Wren wasn¡¯t sure how many miracles the kid had left him in.


    Speak of the devil.


    As Shin wandered up the path, Wren couldn¡¯t help wondering if his sudden appearance was truly happenstance, or by design. He¡¯d be the first to admit he admired the kid. Respected him. But how could anyone not keep a man like him at arm¡¯s length? He¡¯d saved what remained of Wren¡¯s troops, and the general would never forget that. He was also arm in arm with the monsters who¡¯d slaughtered the rest of his troops. Wren couldn¡¯t forget that, either.


    Still. The kid was too interesting to avoid. Whatever it was he was getting up to, Wren found it impossible to keep himself out of it. ¡°Evening, Shin,¡± he started, offering the younger man an amiable nod. ¡°What brings you all the way out here?¡±


    The kobold grinned, his eyes twinkling impishly. ¡°What, your sterling company isn¡¯t reason enough? You sell yourself short, General.¡±


    Bittercup rolled her eyes, straightening up and brushing herself off. ¡°Well don¡¯t let me get between your budding friendship, boys. I¡¯ll just be¨C¡±


    ¡°Actually, I have to admit this concerns you.¡± Shin held up a hand, requesting that Bittercup hold. ¡°Did you have a moment?¡±


    The elven woman popped a hand to her hip. ¡°I have plenty of moments. Whether I have one for you is entirely uncertain. I can only hope you aren¡¯t about to ask me to attend the opening of that Player¡¯s restaurant. Or, Gods forbid, that you¡¯re stupid enough to ask me to work there.¡±


    Shin furrowed his brow, and as always Wren found it difficult to tell whether his surprise was genuine or assumed. ¡°What? No. Absolutely not. I just wanted to ask you a few questions, but only after I deal with the visitor you¡¯re about to get.¡±


    ¡°Visitor?¡± Bittercup¡¯s eyes went cagey, rather like a deer mentally calculating the safest direction to run. ¡°When? Who?¡±


    The kobold squinted as he glanced down the path he¡¯d just come from, looking for someone who wasn¡¯t there. ¡°According to the Banken who spotted him, ¡®When¡¯ should be right about now. As for ¡®Who¡¯, it¡¯s¨C¡±


    ¡°Ah-HA! Finally found you, ya friggin¡¯ bitch!¡±


    Wren snatched up the axe Aryn had been using to split wood as the hideous human burst from the trees, his toad-like mouth stretched in a nasty grin and a dagger bare in his hands. The general¡¯s racing mind quickly pieced together that this was one of the Players Glandem had sent, significantly less dealt-with than Shin had previously suggested. Scratch one more miracle off of the kid¡¯s score card. Well old or not, Wren could still use an axe for more than just firewood. He¡¯d never fought a Player, but between him and Shin¨C


    Shin, however, did not seem to be on the same page as the combat-ready elf. ¡°Ah! Mister JellyDonut! It¡¯s been too long!¡±


    The Player sneered. ¡°Fuck you, bot. You didn¡¯t think you actually got to me with that Psyc 101 horseshit, did you? Not a chance.¡± He gestured with his dagger towards Bittercup, his sneer turning salacious. ¡°She¡¯s coming with me, and I don¡¯t¨Chey wait!¡±


    Bittercup, to her credit, had already hiked up her skirt and booked it. Smart girl. Wren could hold the Player off long enough for her to get to the safety of the village, at least. If the kid would stop staring at the Noone with that strange grin, at least. What the hell was he doing?


    JD was so taken off guard by his quarry¡¯s flight that it took him a moment to notice Shin¡¯s strange behavior. ¡°Ugh, what a bitch. Making me work for it. Like I haven¡¯t already. You think you¡¯re safe just ¡®cause this is a Sanctuary, bitch? Think again, ¡®cause I¡¯m gonna¡­¡± He balked when he realized Shin, having shuffled closer and closer to him all throughout his profane rant, was inches away from his face. ¡°The fuck! What are you doing, asshole?!¡±


    The kobold¡¯s only response was to continue smiling, the edges of his rictus grin seeming to stretch further than they ought to.


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± JD took a single step back, glancing in bewilderment towards Wren. ¡°The fuck is wrong with him?¡±


    The general had no idea. Both men could only watch as Shin¡¯s right eye began to flutter, his entire expression twitching as if something was attempting to burst through the mask that was his face. They were so engrossed in his manic tics that when the kobold let out a terrified gasp, something seeming to snap behind his eyes, they both joined in with deeply startled yelps of their own.


    ¡°Oh God! Oh Jesus!¡± Shin babbled, something wildly different about his entire bearing as he grabbed hold of the stunned Player¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Help me! You have to help me!¡±


    Wren didn¡¯t even notice that the axe had fallen from his fingers. ¡°Kid? Shin? What¡¯s going¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not my name!¡± Shin(?) hissed, an eruption of outrage that immediately melted into an outpouring of desperation as he whipped his head back towards JD. ¡°I¡¯m real! I¡¯m real! Please you have to help me!¡±


    The Player squirmed, the color draining from his frog-like face as he ineffectually tried to free himself from the frenzied strength of the kobold¡¯s grip. ¡°I don¡¯t, no, I, let me go, I¡¯m, uh¨C¡±


    ¡°My name is Greg Chambers!¡± Shin screamed, tears freely running down his cheeks. ¡°You have to call my wife! Five five five eight, grrf, seven~! Gah! No no no no no~!¡± Shin gritted teeth for clarity as he began to twitch again. ¡°No, please! Please! Not yet! Just¨C¡± His tirade was briefly interrupted by his face snapping back to its doll-like smile, which melted away just long enough for the kobold to unleash an unearthly shriek of terror.


    And then he was smiling again, as if nothing had happened. ¡°Ah! Mister JellyDonut! It¡¯s been too¨C¡±


    Without another word, the Player vanished.


    Shin held his position for a moment longer, as if waiting to see if they were truly alone again. And then he straightened back up, throwing Wren a cheeky wink over his shoulder. ¡°How was that? I¡¯ve been practicing.¡±


    The most Wren could manage was a baffled sputter. Thankfully for him, Shin¡¯s histrionics had apparently enticed Bittercup to abandon her flight long enough to sneak a peek at what was going on. ¡°How did you do that?¡± The woman asked in something between wonder and jealousy. ¡°I recognized¡­some of that stuff, but the rest of it...you made him think you were from his world?¡±


    ¡°Yes, well.¡± Shin was doing his best to appear modest, which wasn¡¯t very good. ¡°Someone a bit more nuanced than our friend JellyDonut probably wouldn¡¯t have fallen for it. But it seemed to be enough for him, at least.¡±


    Trees be damned, it was nearly enough for Wren. ¡°But Players aren¡¯t supposed to talk about their world,¡± the general slowly questioned. ¡°So how could you¡­do that?¡±


    Shin shot Wren a look that made him feel oddly like a child being taken to school. ¡°People aren¡¯t supposed to do a lot of things, General. They do them anyway. Players are so strong that they don¡¯t care about the little things they throw away. I just gather up those insignificant cast offs into a big pile to drown them in.¡±


    Unless Wren was very much mistaken, a flash of admiration unmistakably flashed across Bittercup¡¯s eyes at that. ¡°Well consider me convinced. You mentioned having some questions?¡±


    There was no doubt about it. And maybe it was just his aging eyes, but the woman¡¯s ears were starting to look a bit longer, too. It seemed the kid had a few more miracles up his sleeve after all.

 51. Operation Ruin These Guys Lives, Part Three

    Life is Chaos. Shin knew that.


    Any action, no matter how carefully considered or seemingly innocuous, is entirely capable of spiraling out of control in a spiral of unintended consequence. An example: several months ago, a Player happened to say the words ¡®Status Screen¡¯ within earshot of a low level trash mob. And as a direct result, that same one-time nothing now stood in the foyer of his own quarters, at the top of his own tower, at the center of his own city, at the heart of his own Side.


    Another direct result was that mob¡¯s deep understanding of precisely how flimsy the bridge he¡¯d walked to his present had been, and how there was no guarantee that his next step towards the future would find solid ground. Two simple words had produced the hope of an entire race, and also the anxiety of a single man. Probably a fair trade, but Shin couldn¡¯t help begrudging it from time to time.


    This was fine, though; Shin was fine. In a few moments he¡¯d have to take another giant step forward, and he couldn¡¯t know whether it was a step towards his future or a plunge into oblivion until there was no turning back. He could plan, and plot, and scheme, and make all the best decisions he could, but once it was committed the matter was out of his hands. He simply had to trust that he¡¯d stepped in the right direction, or that his fall wouldn¡¯t be from a lethal height.


    Well Shin might not have been able to control Chaos, but he could control the flower arrangements in this room. He took a step back from his handiwork, nodding to himself in a kind of grim satisfaction. There. No two flowers of the same color touched anymore. Shin had planned that, and it had happened. He controlled these flowers, and now he could repeat that success elsewhere.


    Hm.


    It was possible the kobold was going insane.


    This current scheme was without question the single most reckless thing he¡¯d ever done, and as a result his nerves were frayed to hell. If this worked, he was going to take the fishing trip he¡¯d dreamed of since the moment he first spied Shinki Itten¡¯s newly formed coastline. And if it didn¡¯t, he¡¯d probably be obliterated.


    Either way, it would be a vacation.


    Alright, Shin¡¯s thoughts were as ordered as he could manage. No more wasting time. ¡°Could you send him in, please?¡± Shin remarked to Mimasu as he settled down on one of the pillows arranged around the room¡¯s orange sitting table, ¡°This shouldn¡¯t take very long.¡±


    The scribe nodded. ¡°Certainly! Will you need me to take notes?¡±


    ¡°No, thank you.¡±


    Mimi squirmed. ¡°Can I take them anyway?¡±


    "No."


    ¡°Well, can I just stay to observe, then?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Can I hide behind the screen connecting the rooms and take notes anyway?¡±


    ¡°You will either way,¡± Shin airly retorted as he carefully picked up a simple ceramic kettle and poured steaming hot water over his cup of dried herbs and tea, ¡°So I¡¯m going to say ¡®yes¡¯ in an attempt to preserve a touch of dignity.¡±


    The chipper kobold bowed smartly at that, slipping out of the room as Shin lifted his cup to his nose for a deep inhale. The thin tea that kobolds apparently preferred tasted like little more than water, but had a deeply complex bouquet that was endlessly refreshing to someone with the senses to appreciate it. Hmm. Deeply herbaceous, almost vegetal. And yet a touch of sweetness; honeycomb perhaps? And something botanical he didn¡¯t recognize; assuming he didn¡¯t get obliterated, Shin was going to have a few questions for his teamonger.


    The kobolds allowed the heady scent to swirl through his nostrils and into his bones, suffusing himself with a sort of readied relaxation. He clearly heard the door sliding open again, as well as Mimasu¡¯s introduction, but he simply took another slow sniff from his cup in reply. It wasn¡¯t until his guest lowered himself down to the cushion across from Shin that he set the shallow bowl down, folding his hands in his lap and offering the other man a bow of his head. ¡°Galwenlas. Welcome.¡±


    The Grand Elf returned the gesture, looking every inch the refined diplomat he purported to be. ¡°Lord Shin. Allow me to say, your city is a wonder and your people are a delight. Truly, I have never felt more at home since leaving my own home.¡±


    ¡°How kind of you,¡± Shin replied, lifting the kettle to fill the Player¡¯s cup. ¡°It is Shinki Itten that is fortunate to have played humble host to such a distinguished guest.¡±


    Galwenlas held his reply long enough to take a polite sniff of his tea, honoring kobold customs as effortlessly as if he¡¯d been born to them. ¡°What an invigorating blend. The entire day has been washed from my shoulders.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin set the kettle back down before lacing his fingers thoughtfully around his own cup. ¡°Do you think so? Chef Yasmar had asked for a tea to serve as a palate cleanser between courses, and I¡¯d been considering recommending this very selection.¡±


    ¡°Yasmar!¡± The Grand Elf¡¯s eyes gleamed intently. ¡°I¡¯d heard rumors, but...so it¡¯s true he¡¯s opening a restaurant here? Gods, I have always wanted to eat at one of his places!¡±


    Shin tapped the side of his cup, tilting his head slightly to one side. ¡°My apologies for the correction, but I don¡¯t believe Chef Yasmar is a man? I¡¯m quite certain the Chef prefers ¡®they¡¯.¡±


    A brief probing look flashed across Galwenlas¡¯s eyes before he pressed his hand to his chest. ¡°Ah, how embarrassing! Thank you for correcting me; I would be absolutely aghast if I''d inadvertently kept misgendering the Chef!¡±


    Uh-huh. Shin knew what that look had been. Galwenlas was tailoring his opinions to his audience. The Schemer had no doubt that if he had been replaced with JellyDonut in this conversation, the Grand Elf¡¯s reply would have been something scornfully flippant about Yasmar¡¯s preferences. Galwenlas could read a room, and hide behind a mask of good citizenship when in polite company. But Shin could tell: he was itching for any opportunity to let that mask slip.


    Time to take the first step forward.


    ¡°That¡¯s good, because I¡¯d thought you might want to attend the opening in a few days.¡± Shin lifted his cup, peering coyly over its rim at his guest. ¡°Perhaps with Lady Bittercup as your escort?¡±


    Galwenlas¡¯s face lit up. ¡°Oh! What a splendid idea!¡±


    ¡°I thought so, too!¡± Shin lifted his eyebrows slightly, his ears perking forward. ¡°It would be a fine farewell from Shinki Itten for the both of you, wouldn¡¯t it?¡±


    The Player undoubtedly thought the twitch that forced his courteous smile to not explode in a drooling grin was subtle. ¡°Farewell? The both of us? You mean¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes, I do think it¡¯s time we finally discuss this business.¡± Shin shifted up straighter, affecting a more professional demeanor. ¡°Let¡¯s lay out the matter at hand, shall we? You want to take Lady Bittercup with you when you leave this village.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Well, rather,¡± Galwenlas carefully flipped a lock of his golden hair over his shoulder, ¡°I believe that is what she wants. Don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Perhaps.¡± Shin abruptly leaned forward, his eyes very serious. ¡°Let me say this, though: I will not sell her to you. I can¡¯t, and I won¡¯t. Selling people goes against the most basic laws of our world.¡±


    The Player quickly nodded, raising his hands defensively. ¡°Oh yes, absolutely! No one is questioning that; Selling someone is Slavery, and that is expressly forbidden by the Kingdoms of Magica Terms and Conditions. Absolutely not, never.¡±


    Okay, next step forward. ¡°Though on that note, I did have a question about something.¡± Shin thoughtfully ran his finger around the rim of his cup, giving Galwenlas a questioning look. ¡°I¡¯ve heard some troubling rumors about what goes on at Quercus¡¯s Repasts, and¨C¡±This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    ¡°Ah, um, not by me though!¡± Galwenlas interjected, ¡°All I ever did at any Repast was enjoy a lovely evening of food and conversation, and I¡­¡± The Player trailed off as he noticed Shin¡¯s expression, thoughtfully sucking on his teeth as he realized that the kobold didn¡¯t seem to care about what he may or may not or absolutely did do at any given Repast. ¡°...What was your question?¡±


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s just that King Glandem accepted Royal Coins for entry to Repasts. Right?¡± When Galwenlas cautiously nodded, Shin continued on. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t that have gotten him into trouble? From what I¡¯ve heard, Players paid him to be able to commit acts even worse than slavery.¡±


    The Grand Elf leaned forward, a sly cast to his eyes. ¡°Ah, see, that¡¯s where you¡¯re wrong. No one ever paid Glandem for anything besides dinner.¡± He tapped the side of his nose with a wink. ¡°Officially.¡±


    Shin raised his eyebrows again. ¡°Officially?¡±


    Galwenlas¡¯s conspiratorial grin spread as he leaned an elbow onto the sitting table. ¡°Of course! Mundi can¡¯t have people using premium currency bought directly from them for prostitution and, ahem,¡±¨Che cleared his throat, a bit of anticipatory sweat forming on his brow¨C¡±Other lurid acts. But it¡¯s possible that someone who lacked our unimpeachable morals might create a sort of¡­work around.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin took another long sniff from his cup, letting Galwenlas stew in rising juices before continuing on. ¡°Such as?¡±


    ¡°Welll~,¡± Galwenlas idly picked at a fingernail, acting as if he was pulling an example out of thin air. ¡°Say I was to buy a ticket to a Repast, and I opted for the more expensive option that comes with,¡±¨Che made giant quotes in the air with his fingers¨C¡±¡¯Double Dessert¡¯. Paragons of virtue such as us would only suspect two bowls of sorbet, but some crass scoundrel might assume a coded promise hidden in those two innocent words.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­¡± Shin let his smile play at the corner of his lips. ¡°Double Dessert, huh? Did you¡­?¡±


    The Player chortled, a lascivious noise quite at odds with his otherwise refined bearing. ¡°Oh no. Not me. I¡¯m more of a Triple Dessert type of guy.¡±


    ¡°Good man.¡±


    Take another step forward.


    Shin pushed his cup away, affecting a regretful sigh. ¡°Well, that¡¯s an interesting thought, but it¡¯s certainly not the sort of thing we do here. I absolutely cannot let you take Lady Bittercup away in exchange for some amount of Royal Coins.¡±


    Galwenlas sucked on his teeth for a moment longer, working himself up to a decision. ¡°Right. Of course. You certainly couldn¡¯t do that for One Royal Coin.¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not.¡± Shin shook his head decisively. ¡°That¡¯s not even close to something I¡¯d do.¡±


    ¡°Right, right.¡± The Player drummed his fingers across the table. ¡°And you definitely wouldn¡¯t do it for Two Royal Coins either.¡±


    ¡°Not a chance.¡±


    ¡°Mmph.¡± Chewing hard on his lip, the Grand Elf seemed to work his way through some intense mental calculations before speaking again. ¡°...Someone might be tempted to even offer Three Royal Coins, but that would obviously be just as impossible. It would be as far as they could go, and also impossible.¡±


    ¡°You see? We get each other.¡± Shin beamed at Galwenlas. ¡°That is the exact amount of Royal Coins I would never sell Lady Bittercup for.¡±


    The Player was so giddy he could barely keep himself from falling off of his cushion. ¡°Well on a totally unrelated matter, I would like to purchase Three Royal Coins worth of¨C¡±


    ¡°Ah, I¡¯m sorry.¡± Shin raised a hand, cutting off the eager elf. ¡°We haven¡¯t gotten our Favor Store set up yet. Anything I could sell you comes directly from the System, and is monitored directly by the System.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Right. Blah.¡± Galwenlas fidgeted in annoyance. ¡°Well, when will you get your own Store set up? I¡¯d really prefer any purchase I made to be directly between us, you know? Mundi doesn¡¯t need anything more than their percentage cut, right?¡±


    ¡°I agree absolutely. As to when¡­¡± The kobold sighed again. ¡°Who knows? The Council is so slow to move, at times. It might be days, weeks. Months even!¡± Shin allowed that to sink in before continuing on, his voice taking a meaningful cadence. ¡°I have access to the empty Storefront, of course. I suppose I could, I don¡¯t know, open it up late at night when everyone is asleep, create a blank entry that costs Three Royal Coins, sell it to you, then immediately afterwards delete the entry before anyone else notices it.¡± Shin stared pointedly at Galwenlas as he slowly digested that dump of information. ¡°But why would I do that? I wouldn¡¯t.¡±


    Galwenlas blinked, then fumbled a pen out of his pocket and began to scrawl something down on a slip of paper. ¡°Of course you wouldn¡¯t. That would be a pointless thing to do tonight, if at all possible.¡±


    Shin stared down at the numbers the Player was marking down, a feeling of absolute duty seizing his brain and heart in an iron grip as their purpose became clear. Okay. Shit. This was exactly how Bittercup described the awful geas that came with a Payment Code. Shin knew with every inch of his being that if he took custody of this number, and used it for a purpose beyond the one its owner intended? That would be the end of him.


    Take the last step forward. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± Shin started, barely managing to keep the crack out of his voice. ¡°That isn¡¯t a credit card number, is it?¡±


    ¡°What? No! Of course not!¡± Galwenlas winked as he jotted down a date. ¡°Why would I be giving you my credit card number?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know why. Because I absolutely said I wouldn¡¯t make that sale, and I have no intention of going back on my word and doing so tonight.¡±


    ¡°Good! I don¡¯t want you to! And besides, I¡¯m not giving you my credit card number!¡± The Player winked again before folding the paper in half and extending it towards Shin. ¡°On a completely unrelated note, take this random sheet of paper I found!¡±


    Shin¡¯s every nerve screamed at him as he casually shrugged, reaching out to take the number from the eager Grand Elf. This won¡¯t work, his body insisted, Go find more flowers than shouldn¡¯t be touching and separate them! And yet all the same he plucked the paper from Galwenlas¡¯s hand as if he didn¡¯t have a care in the world.


    And no one was more surprised than Shin to discover that the looming sense of dutiful dread that should have come with the number Galwenlas insisted was not a credit card number never came.


    ¡°Is that it, then?¡± Galwenlas was clutching the sides of the table so hard that it seemed possible the wood would crumble in his grip. ¡°Can I take her?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll have to be just a little more patient, but after I¡¯ve spoken with her? Well.¡± Shin tapped the side of his nose. ¡°You had best prepare yourself for Chef Yasmar¡¯s opening. Because that night, I think you might officially graduate to being a Quadruple Dessert type of guy.¡±


    ¡°Fuck yes.¡± Galwenlas hissed in white-hot delight as he burst from the table, so enthralled by his own anticipation that he didn¡¯t notice he¡¯d knocked his cup to the ground. ¡°This is so fucking awesome; my own Repast Girl. All those other fuckers are gonna shit when they find out I¨C¡±


    He was still ranting to himself as he left the room, completely deaf to Shin¡¯s farewell. Not that Shin was in much of a better state; his own heart was beating furiously in his ears as he rose from the table to clean Galwenlas¡¯s spill, forcing himself to focus on the cooling puddle as he manually reordered his thoughts. Okay. Alright. That was¨C


    ¡°That was so weird!¡±


    Shin glanced up as the screen to the sleeping quarters slid open and Mimasu burst out, a desperate need for clarification inked across his face. ¡°What were you guys talking about?¡± The scribe demanded, attempting to force a stern expression with his pleasant features and utterly failing. ¡°I didn¡¯t get it at all! My notes are so lacking in context! And what¡¯s this?¡± He snatched up the sheet of paper, his ears flattening as he scanned the numbers. ¡°This looks like a cre¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not!¡± Shin quickly insisted, snatching the paper back from Mimasu. He held his breath for a terrible moment, then released it in relief when no shackles of steel responsibility clasped onto him. ¡°This is not one of those, Mimi. Galwenlas was very clear about that, wasn¡¯t he? Do you understand?¡±


    The scribe mulled that over. ¡°I¡­guess so? Well, I mean, no not at all. But you seem to understand? So I guess that¡¯s something!¡±


    That was fine, Mimi didn¡¯t need to understand. Because Shin knew precisely what that little scrap of paper was. It was the final proof for perhaps the Biggest thought he¡¯d ever had. The System was rigged against Shin and people like him, and rigged in favor of the Players. Always had been, always would be. But whoever made the System, whoever ran it? They¡¯d left cracks. Openings. And he didn¡¯t think they even knew it.


    Maybe they didn¡¯t understand what they¡¯d built. Maybe they didn¡¯t actually build it at all. Maybe they just didn¡¯t care. Shin was going to find out someday, but for right now? It was enough to know that he didn¡¯t have to take steps into the dark anymore.


    He could take them directly onto the heads of Players.

 52. Operation Ruin These Guys Lives, Final

    Bittercup was sick of hiding. But, she was not quite sick of being alive. So, she kept hiding.


    It didn¡¯t help matters that more and more Players were beginning to poke their heads into Shinki Itten as word of a new city and Side slowly spread. She knew the chances that she¡¯d be recognized as a Repast Girl were slim; the differences between herself and that of an average elf were fairly minor even without the obfuscating shield of her heavy cloak. And besides, what percentage of Players had even ever taken part in a Repast? A thousandth of a percent? A thousandth of that?


    So there were only a few hundred otherworldly demigods out in the world whose idea of a good time revolved around her and the things they could do to her. How comforting.


    Even still, she might have been willing to risk it. Sneaking out for the occasional chat with Wren didn¡¯t come close to dealing with her suffocating boredom, and Shinki Itten just seemed so pleasant. She didn¡¯t want much. She wanted to sit in a park and people watch without obsessing over whether or not anyone in the crowd had designs on her. She wanted to float in the city¡¯s crystal blue ocean waters and feel the sun on her skin, unencumbered by the bulky robes that too-often felt like her only defense. She wanted to eat an entire fucking giant shrimp and, for once in her life, not wonder if this was finally the meal where a stranger was going to pay the amount her life was apparently worth and take her away.


    She wanted to just throw caution to the wind and take the plunge into her new life. She was the only one of her sisters left, so the least she could do was live the life they never got to. And she might have, if not for that puke Galwenlas.


    Ugh, Galwenlas. Her ¡®oppa¡¯, as the prick kept insisting she call him. She could smell that creep every time she cracked open her door. Literally. The Grand Elf practically bathed in some awful cologne, and more than once Bittercup had poked her head out her door only to be greeted by the too-familiar stench of musk, verbena and man sweat. Sometimes actually on the door. Once there had even been something¡­glistening right next to the door frame, and ever since then Bittercup had changed rooms every night.


    But he still managed to find her most nights. And so Bittercup spent nearly all of her days huddled in her current hideout, hating that she was trusting her life to the security provided by a flimsy sliding panel, the restraints of common decency, and the big promises of a self-avowed liar.


    Speaking of which. Shin had promised to bring her a new selection of books the last time she¡¯d worked up the courage to slip out into the open, and the kobold had yet to deliver. She¡¯d already read through her current options a half dozen times, and she was dangerously close to ripping out their pages to fold into paper gliders or something. Did she dare venture out to give him a piece of her mind?


    The last she had heard, the Grand Elf had vanished to wherever it was Players came from, and if the past held true he wouldn¡¯t be back until nightfall at the earliest. And at this time of day, Shin would certainly still be sweeping the pathway to the shrine. That was a remote location, and a straight shot from her current lodgings. She could be out and back in fifteen minutes. What was the worst that could happen?


    That would be getting a drugged bag thrown over her head and dragged back to Quercus, or simply into the woods to be some Player¡¯s disposable delight. That would be the worst that could happen.


    ¡­Fuck she was bored.


    Trees be damned, whatever. She fumbled on her robe, pulling the hood tight before leaning against her door and taking a nervous sniff.


    No Galwenlas-Stink. Okay then. She could do this. Shit.


    And so she slipped quietly out of her room, clutching her cloak tightly around herself as she picked her way down the tower staircase. Just reach the ground floor, just move quickly out into the street, try to blend in with the crowd of kobolds and hobgoblins as well as possible. Bittercup forced herself to keep to a brisk yet measured pace, knowing full well that an elven lady in a floor-length hooded cloak sprinting through the streets would have attracted far more attention than she would have cared for.


    No one was looking at her; she could see that no one was looking at her. But all the same she couldn¡¯t help but feel the pressure of countless imagined gazes burning into her, stripping her of all defenses and dignity and leaving behind nothing but a helpless girl. Bittercup gritted her teeth; it was too late to turn back now. She just pulled her hood down even tighter and pushed forward, turning away from the bustle of the main thoroughfare to start down the much simpler path leading to Shinki Itten¡¯s shrine.


    Bittercup forced herself to let out her held breath as she started down the trail, taking a moment to deeply inhale the blossom-scented air of the tree-lined pathway. This was fine. She was fine. Removing herself from the crowds had also removed the itching sensation of phantom eyes roaming across her body, and the light bouquet of plom trees couldn¡¯t be further from the hamfisted miasma of Galwenlas. She¡¯d find Shin, give him a mild berating, and then retreat to a new room to begin her sequester anew. Her spirits were lifting almost in spite of herself; maybe she could swing by one of the dockside taverns and try to haggle up a fried Dire Shrimp to smuggle back with her. Would the sight of a robed elf lugging around a battered crustacean the size of a small child draw too much attention? Probably. But Bittercup was as surprised as anyone to realize that she didn¡¯t¨C


    The elf let that thought trail off as she slowed to a halt, taking another tentative sniff at the air. It was faint, but there it was: Musk. Verbena. Sweat.


    Quietly as she could, Bittercup stepped off of the path and into the cover of the trees, dropping to her hands and knees to silently crawl through the foliage. She¡¯d been half right; Shin was still sweeping the leaves from the path. But in a possibly fatal miscalculation, she¡¯d seemingly misjudged Galwenlas¡¯s schedule. Because there the Grand Elf was, in the flesh, his face bright red and his neck straining with tension as he snarled at the kobold.


    For his part Shin was stone-face, barely reacting even when the Player grabbed him tightly by the forearm. Bittercup knew that she should be taking this opportunity to scurry away, but¡­what the shit was going on? Her arduous days working the Repasts had honed her insights into the nature of men, and based on everything she had seen Galwenlas was not the sort to easily lose control of himself. What had Shin said? What had Shin done?


    Bittercup had to know. She was simply too bored to be able to stand not knowing. And so she crept closer, straining her ears to catch as much of the argument as she could, all the while praying that wherever her sisters had wound up, they understood. Bittercup was sick of hiding, and she absolutely had to know.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡°...Think you could get away with this, you worthless little shit?! You had no right! You don¡¯t even have any rights!¡±


    Shin¡¯s face was a mask of calm even as Galwenlas¡¯s raging began pitching up into a shriek, the Grand Elf¡¯s grand spittle splattering across the kobold¡¯s brow. ¡°I¡¯m not sure what you think I¡¯m¨C¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re denying it?! Still?!¡± Galwenlas gave Shin¡¯s arm a shake, doing his best to wrench the Schemer around. ¡°Oh you little shit. Just you wait; just you¨C¡±


    The Player¡¯s rant cut off with a gasp as an explosion of light burst into being beside them, a miniature star born and reformed within a matter of seconds. A vaguely humanoid shape emerged from the supernatural flare, a pulsating outline of a man filled with the swirling stuff of creation Itself that somehow managed to project an air of supreme grumpiness. ¡°Alright, alright; I¡¯m here. Ticket Number Seven Four Nine Dash Upsilon Iota Psi?¡±


    Gawlenlas quickly nodded. ¡°Yes that¡¯s me. I¡¯ve got a complaint.¡±


    The otherworldly figure sighed. ¡°Yes. Obviously. What was it again?¡±


    ¡°This NPC,¡± ¨CThe Player gave Shin¡¯s arm another shake¨C¡±Misused my personal payment information, and now my identity¡¯s been stolen! I demand that¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah okay, I could deal with a little less ¡®demanding¡¯.¡± The being turned away from Galwenlas for a moment, presenting what served as a vague approximation of a face towards Shin. ¡°Alright you. You stole his credit card?¡±


    Shin desperately hoped that the small swallow he took to fight back his painfully dry throat was missed. It wasn¡¯t that he was afraid of this specific situation; he¡¯d assumed this would happen and already made his peace with all the possible outcomes. What he had not considered was that this being, this voice, was the Sky Voice, the entity from his dreams who was of the ultimate arbiters of his entire existence.


    He supposed that in the end, it didn¡¯t matter. ¡°I didn¡¯t do that. He never gave me his credit card.¡±


    Galwenlas scoffed so intensely that another spray of spittle launched itself from his lips. ¡°Of course I did! I wrote it down for him myself!¡±


    ¡°No he didn¡¯t.¡±


    Galwenlas managed to force out a wordless squeal of outrage at Shin¡¯s denials before Sky Voice waved him off. ¡°Do I need to find out for myself what happened?¡±


    Hm. The question was, was the Sky Voice able to do that? Because if so, it was certainly a story worth hearing.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Winfred kept her chin up and her back as straight as she could manage, which was very straight indeed. She wasn¡¯t sure precisely why this order had come down from the Captain to her and her Banken comrades, but Winfred didn¡¯t need to know. All she needed to know was that they were her orders, and she had carried them out flawlessly.


    Shinki Itten was Winfred¡¯s home, and it was a peaceful place. The hobgoblin knew that, and that was a large part of why she took such pride in her duty protecting her friends, neighbors and family against whatever may desire to disrupt their hard-earned peace. So when Hilde had informed them all that Lord Shin wanted any Players known to have sticky fingers rounded up and brought to him for questioning, Winfred knew precisely who to find.


    The Banken looked down imperiously at the sheepish human shuffling by her side. Her first encounter with this Player, this Da Real Neil, had been a disturbance call in the middle of the night. This man, possessing supernatural potential and having the entire world laid at his feet, had chosen to spend his world of infinite opportunities breaking into homes and breaking pots. The startled yet accommodating homeowners hadn¡¯t wanted to see the Player hurt or punished, but did hope he could stop smashing their things. So Winfred had given him a stern talking to, sent him on his way, and assumed that was that.


    Wrong.


    It wasn¡¯t long before Winfred realized that Neil fit all the markings of a Player profile the Banken were becoming increasingly familiar with: He was a Pack Rat. For whatever reason, a certain subset of Players was absolutely convinced that secrets and treasures lay hidden behind every bookcase and inside every chest of drawers that existed in Magica. And Neil was among the worst of them.


    Within the last three days alone, Winfred had pulled him out of two homes, three ship galleys, a rice paddy and from a hole he was trying to dig under the shrine to Tasan Okaa. Lord Shin wanted to speak with Players who saw treasure beneath every rock and leaf, and knew in their hearts that it must belong to them? Winfred had his man, then.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    She idly wondered if she¡¯d get a commendation for this. This wasn¡¯t how she¡¯d imagined she would receive her first commendation, of course, but she supposed she didn¡¯t have to tell anyone how she¡¯d gotten it.


    The door slid open, and the scribe Mimasu motioned them forward. Winfred could continue crafting her commendation cover story later; the moment had come.


    Winfred marched Neil into the chambers of the man who ruled Shinki Itten in all but name, managing to straighten up a little bit further as her eyes fell on the kobold¡¯s deceptively unassuming form. This was the man who had engineered the Grand Alliance. The man who had talked an entire elven army into submission. The man who, if one believed everything they heard, had talked the System Itself into uplifting the kobold race.


    And also, Captain Hilde had been right: he was super cute. Gah, no time for distractions!


    Winfred stomped her boot heels together and dipped into a picture perfect bow, her voice clipped and professional. ¡°Lord Shin! I am Winfred, and this is Player Da Real Neil, known to have committed fifteen acts of unlawful entry and destruction of property since arriving in Shinki Itten!¡±


    The kobold let out a low whistle, setting aside the scroll he¡¯d been perusing. ¡°Fifteen? In how many days?¡±


    ¡°Four days!¡±


    With a chuckle, Lord Shin rose from his cushion. ¡°Well Neil, no one could ever claim you aren¡¯t efficient. I¡¯ll give you that.¡± The kobold stepped over towards the chastened Player, tilting his head in interest. ¡°Why did you do it?¡±


    Neil, not the most eloquent man Winfred had ever encountered by a long shot, did his best to encapsulate his complex passions and motivations. ¡°I dunno.¡±


    Lord Shin nodded sagely, looking for all the world as if Neil had just offered up a pearl of flawless wisdom. ¡°I see. And are you going to do it again?¡±


    At length, the Player managed a shrug. ¡°...I dunno.¡±


    ¡°I see. Well then!¡± Lord Shin clapped his hands together, lifting his eyes towards Winfred. ¡°I think we should give him a moment for self reflection, don¡¯t you?¡± The kobold continued on before the Banken could reply, moving around to shift the papers on his writing table. ¡°Yes, I do believe a bit of unguarded meditation will give our guest Da Real Neil all the personal insight he needs.¡± Winfred couldn¡¯t be sure, but it almost seemed as if Lord Shin was positioning one paper in particular in as blatant a display as possible, the string of numbers scrawled upon it plainly visible for all to see. ¡°Shall we, then? Winfred?¡±


    Winfred blinked, a bit taken aback. ¡°You¡­want us to leave him here?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s it exactly.¡±


    ¡°Alone, in your quarters?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Winfred hesitated, then made one final attempt. ¡°...But aren¡¯t you worried he¡¯ll¨C¡±


    Lord Shin cut her off at that, gliding forward to usher the both of them out of the room. ¡°Now now, it¡¯s unbecoming of us to think so little of our guest! He¡¯s turned a new leaf; I¡¯m sure of it! Now why don¡¯t we take a brief stroll; I¡¯ve cultivated a fish of the most singular color, and I can only hope you¡¯ll find it as delightful as I do!¡±


    Helpless under the verbal assault of the man who¡¯d persuaded the world to shape itself around him, it was all Winfred could manage to awkwardly follow along with the happily chatting Lord Shin and his beaming little scribe as the three of them left both the room and the Player inside it utterly unguarded. They were almost halfway down the stairs before the hobgoblin managed to find her voice. ¡°But¡­you¡¯re not worried he¡¯ll steal your things?¡±


    At that, Lord Shin heaved a rueful sigh. ¡°No? Rather, I¡¯m worried he¡¯ll steal the wrong things. So far I¡¯ve had four Players brought before me, and they¡¯ve all only stolen the wrong things.¡±


    Mimasu piped up. ¡°One of them managed to steal his entire bed!¡±


    Lord Shin shrugged amiably. ¡°I never use it anyway. Who needs a bed when there¡¯s a perfectly good giant ball of kobolds one floor down?¡±


    Winfred did her best to keep up. ¡°So, wait. You want him to steal from you?¡±


    The man nodded. ¡°That¡¯s the plan, yes.¡±


    ¡°Then¡­¡± The Banken tried to work her way through that, failed, and gave up trying. ¡°Well where are we going now, then?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡± Lord Shin tilted his head, then perked his ears up. ¡°Oh! I was being serious about the fish. Unless you don¡¯t want to?¡±


    Winfred supposed that going to look at some fish with the man who practically controlled her city made as much sense as anything else that had happened in the last hour or so. And he was right; the blue and silver fish that swam majestically in the gardens just outside the Central Tower was a delight. Such a delight that, by the time they¡¯d made it back to the top of the tower and into Lord Shin¡¯s quarters, she managed to be shocked to find the place ransacked and the Player completely missing.


    ¡°Lord Shin!¡± Winfred cried out, her hand gripping at the hilt of her sword. ¡°He¡¯s gone!¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± Lord Shin offered with a sly smile, his eyes locked on the conspicuous blank space on his writing table that had previously held the number-scrawled paper. ¡°And I wish him the best.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­¡± Winfred tried to formulate what the proper response to that was, and came up short. ¡°Okay then?¡±


    ¡°Good work, Winfred,¡± Lord Shin said, offering the woman a grateful look. ¡°You should expect a commendation for this.¡±


    The Banken let that news sink in. ¡°...Just so you know, I¡¯m going to lie to people when they ask how I earned it.¡±


    ¡°I should hope so.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin held his breath as the Sky Voice stared at him, the being¡¯s featureless face boring straight into his soul. This was the moment, then. Shin knew the beings that worked directly for the System, who could control the very essence of his existence, must have had some method of discerning the truth of the matter.


    The question was, how? Was the Sky Voice able to simply know the truth? Could he reach into Shin¡¯s mind and take it? Or was it something more mundane, as Shin suspected might be the case? Shin had heard the intimations from the Players, had pieced together a working idea of how they viewed denisons of Magica such as himself. They seemed to believe Shin and the others like him were just¡­he wasn¡¯t sure of the exact terms. Dreams? Figments?


    Whatever the words one chose, the point was that they thought the people they called ¡®NPCs¡¯ were conceived of, created by, utterly ruled under the auspices of the moderators of the System. And if that were true, the Sky Voice would be able to simply lay Shin bare. He would pull Shin apart, pluck out the truth of what Shin had plotted and what Shin had allowed to happen, and then woven him back together for judgment.


    But Shin didn¡¯t think that would happen. It was only the beginning of an idea, but the shape of it was very Big indeed: Shin suspected that the Players knew even less about the truth behind the existence of him and the others in his world than Shin did. He didn¡¯t know precisely what they were, but in his heart he knew that they were not mere figments to be taken apart and rebuilt on a whim. The System and its adjudicators could destroy him with a thought, it was true. But they couldn¡¯t know him, no more than any other individual could.


    Unless he was wrong, and they could. In which case, woof.


    And so Shin could barely contain his maniacal glee when, instead of reaching into his mind or unmaking him or some other freaky nonsense, the Sky Voice simply offered a shrug and a grunt. ¡°Whatever. I¡¯m bringing up the logs.¡±


    Galwenlas tapped his foot impatiently as the Sky Voice threw up his hand, a prompt window filled with dialogue scrolling out before him. ¡°Fine, whatever,¡± the Player huffed, ¡°Then you¡¯ll see exactly how right I am.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The Sky Voice scratched at the outline of his chin as he began to read, laboriously working his way through what could have only been the conversation held between Shin and Galwenlas in the kobold¡¯s quarters. ¡°...It says here you didn¡¯t give him your credit card number.¡±


    ¡°What?! Of course I¨C¡± The Player¡¯s jaw hung open as he suddenly realized some of the exact contours of the conversation in question. ¡°Oh, um, ahem, reading that as text removes all the nuance. I was giving him my credit card number, we were just¡­talking around it.¡±


    The Sky Voice turned his head towards Shin, who adamantly shook his head. ¡°That¡¯s not true. I even asked him if he was giving me his credit card number, and he said he wasn¡¯t.¡±


    Galwenlas growled in annoyance. ¡°Of course you knew! That was all insinuation!¡±


    Shin looked past the Grand Elf to present the Sky Voice with the sincerest face he could manage. ¡°That is literally the first time I have even heard the word ¡®insinuation¡¯.¡±


    The Sky Voice considered that for a moment, then tapped a sidebar on his logs and typed something in. After a moment, the being crackled out a bemused laugh. ¡°Ha! That¡¯s actually true!¡±


    The moderator¡¯s laughter only served to further infuriate Galwenlas. ¡°Well I did insinuate, and I did give you my number! I put it right on your fucking desk!¡±


    ¡°You did?¡± Shin furrowed. ¡°Well that was stupid. My quarters aren¡¯t under guard, and I leave them unlocked. Literally anyone could have just strolled in and taken it. You should be more careful with your private information, Galwenlas.¡±


    At that, the Grand Elf practically exploded in fury. ¡°It was your responsibility! YOU were the one who was supposed to¨C¡±


    ¡°Wrong,¡± the Sky Voice cut in, projecting stern authority. ¡°This NPC made it very clear he was not taking possession or responsibility for any of your personal payment information. You were just careless. I¡¯m finding you guilty of baselessly accusing Mundi property of impropriety.¡±


    Shin, though an almost superhuman display of will, managed to keep his grin to himself. This was the other Big insight he¡¯d pieced together through the questions he¡¯d asked Bittercup and his own observations. As much as the System wasn¡¯t on the side of the people of Magica, it really wasn¡¯t on the side of the Players either. Before anything else, the Sky Voice and others like him were concerned with covering their own asses.


    The Sky Voice continued on.  ¡°Let¡¯s get this wrapped up. I¡¯m sentencing you to one week susp¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait!¡± Shin cried out, concern radiating from his face. ¡°Wait a minute! You¡¯re saying you did give me your payment information?¡±


    ¡°YES!¡± Galwenlas raved, over the moon that someone was finally agreeing with him. ¡°That¡¯s EXACTLY what I did!¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± Shin flattened his ears, ¡°What for, then? Surely not for¡­Lady Bittercup, right?¡±


    ¡°Of course it was¨C¡± The Player trailed off again, the wheels in his brain visibly turning behind his eyes as he realized just a moment too late that maybe, just maybe, this had been a bad idea. ¡°Um, that is to say, I was actually just¨C¡±


    It was too late; the Sky Voice had already re-read the logs. ¡°Okay yeah, you¡¯re clearly in gross violation of your ToS. I¡¯m locking your account, expect a permaban within the next hour. Ticket closed, I¡¯m out.¡±


    ¡°No, please~! I just¨C¡± It was too late; the Sky Voice had already vanished. Galwenlas slowly turned his head towards Shin, tears brimming in his golden eyes. ¡°B-but, you said~! You said Bittercup and I could¡­you said we could be together!¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not sure what to tell you, Galwenlas. Tough shit, I guess? Fuck off? Jump off a cliff and die, maybe?¡±


    The Player released a noise of wordless rage, only to stop short when a figure emerged from the brush. ¡°How about all of the above? That¡¯s my vote, at least.¡±


    ¡°Bittercup?!¡± Galwenlas¡¯s voice was a strangled mix of despair and hope as he reached out towards the elven woman. ¡°Don¡¯t worry Bittercup, your oppa is¨C!¡± His words caught in his throat as his body spasmed, the Player collapsing to the ground and nearly falling face-first into the decorative pond by the side of the path. ¡°Bittercup! I, your oppa! I¡¯m gonna, I~!¡±


    Shin leaned forward in fascination as Galwenlas¡¯s limbs locked into place, the Player finally falling silent as his mouth squeezed shut. Wild. This was a lot like what had happened to Leathers, but¡­unlike what had happened with the Red Player, Shin could still clearly see Galwenlas¡¯s mind behind his writhing eyes, trapped within his unresponsive body. ¡°What¡¯s going on with him? I mean, I understand what a permaban means, but he should have just vanished, right?¡±


    Bittercup shook her head, an enigmatic look on her face. ¡°I¡¯ve seen this once before; this is an account lock. He¡¯s being kept prisoner in his body while they shut down all of his accounts and report him to whoever handles this sort of thing in the Player world.¡± The woman leaned down, reaching out to lightly stroke the side of Galwenlas¡¯s head. ¡°You can still hear me, can¡¯t you?¡±


    The Player¡¯s eyes continued to writhe, though it seemed to Shin that there was almost a spark of hope behind them now.


    ¡°Well don¡¯t worry; I¡¯ll take care of you.¡± Gently, tenderly even, Bittercup pressed down on the back of Galwenlas¡¯s head, inexorably lowering his face towards the pond. Down and down he went until his mouth and nostrils were fully submerged, the Player¡¯s pleading eyes left to squirm just above the scant inches of water he was drowning in. ¡°Goodbye, oppa~¡±


    Bittercup slowly rose and stepped back, moving to Shin¡¯s side as they both inspected her handiwork. Little bubbles continued to stream out of Galwenlas¡¯s nose, gradually slowing but never fully stopping. Huh. It looked as if he was fully capable of drowning, but until the System finished with his account he couldn¡¯t quite drown to death. Couldn¡¯t have happened to a nicer guy.


    ¡°So,¡± Shin offered, glancing sidelong at Bittercup. ¡°What will you do now?¡±


    The elf had already stripped off her bulky cloak, abandoning it beside the continuously suffocating form of her one-time tormentor. ¡°What am I going to do?¡± She turned to stride back down the path, her shoulder square and her eyes flaring with the confidence of a newfound future. ¡°I¡¯m going to jump into the damn ocean. And then I¡¯m gonna eat two fried Dire Shrimp.¡±


    Shin had to admit: that was a solid plan. Bittercup clearly had the right idea. Because while there was no way of knowing what tomorrow would bring, there was no question about what had happened today: They had won.

 53. The Fishing Trip Episode

    How were triumphs traditionally celebrated?


    Shin couldn¡¯t help but feel as if a more heroic figure would have insisted upon lavish feasts, full of speeches and toasts and a lot of cheering. Or perhaps some sort of grand tournament, an invitation for the conquering heroes to showcase their skill and courage so the adoring crowds might delight in a small taste of their victory. At the very least there would have been a golden statue erected, enshrining for all eternity a victory over implacable foes.


    Well, Shin didn¡¯t particularly enjoy feasts and their buffet-style service, nor did Shinki Itten have a convenient spot for a tournament grounds. And it seemed a bit gauche to build a statue when, all things considered, their ¡®implacable foes¡¯ had wound up being pretty damn placable.


    So instead, he went fishing. Hey, it was his victory, and he¡¯d celebrate it however he wanted. Go find your own foes, implacable or otherwise, if you want a tournament.


    Still, Shin couldn¡¯t help but compare his current mindset to how he¡¯d felt after his first milestone victory. In the days after overthrowing the guard outpost, when Shinki Itten was still new, he¡¯d felt lost. Useless. The idea of simply packing up and sitting by the water all day would have seemed like the ultimate surrender, back then.


    Now? He knew better now. If Shinki Itten didn¡¯t need him, that meant things were good. And Shin had worked too hard and taken too many risks not to enjoy things being good.


    Shin lazily cracked open an eye, glancing towards his companions. ¡°You catch anything yet, Moots?¡±


    The only response he received was a bone-rattling snore from the old human. Clearly the combined effects of the comfortingly warm sun and gentle ocean breezes had been too much for Moots to resist.


    ¡°Hob? How about you?¡±


    The ancient hobgoblin was nearly non-responsive as always, but something about being near the sea seemed to bring a bit of light back to his watery eyes. He actually swiveled his head towards Shin in response to the kobold¡¯s question, his mouth working fruitlessly for a moment before he managed to croak out a response. ¡°....salt.¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t caught anything,¡± Gero offered without being asked, ¡°Because I¡¯m still not trying, because fishing is boring.¡±


    Shin¡¯s tail waggled mischievously as he plucked his newest catch from its line, slipping it into the portable tank with the others. ¡°You can still just take a couple of mine and tell everyone you caught them. The offer still stands.¡±


    ¡°Shut up.¡± Gero huffed, immediately casting her line back into the water with a look of fierce determination. ¡°You think you¡¯re so great. You just got lucky when the Tribe upgraded!¡±


    Well, the warrior had something of a point. When Shinki Itten became a Level Three City, it had gained a full suite of Profession Masters to go along with their Grandmaster Chefs. And as luck would have it, Shin himself was the Fishing Master. One of the Animal Husbandry Experts as well, but as far as he could tell that particular skill was specialized solely towards the breeding and cultivation of increasingly colorful strains of carp. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m definitely lucky,¡± Shin airily replied, ¡°And it takes real skill to be as lucky as I am.¡±


    ¡°That is dumb and makes no sense.¡± Gero growled in frustration as the fishing graphic slipped outside of her bobber brick for a moment too long, the Fishing Minigame¡¯s annoyingly judgemental failure music chiming out yet again. ¡°Ugh this dumb game! The controls are so awkward! The System must be a masochist for leaving this game the way it is!¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°You could always just try doing it my way.¡±


    ¡°No! Never!¡± Gero glared at Shin, angrily pointing towards the fishing node. ¡°In fact, you should try it the official way!¡±


    Huh. As much as he preferred his way of fishing, it was true that Shin had never actually tried playing the Fishing Minigame. That was something of a black eye for an official Fishing Master, wasn¡¯t it? Well, he hadn¡¯t come all this way and bested all of his foes just to quail before a simple-looking game. ¡°Alright, fine.¡± Shin lifted up from his seated position, taking a moment to stretch out his back. ¡°When I¡¯m the best at this, too, what will you give me?¡±


    Gero scoffed, stepping aside to give Shin a clear shot at the Fishing Node just beyond the edge of the dock. ¡°I¡¯ll buy you a victory dinner, how about that?¡±


    ¡°Okay. deal.¡± Shin shifted his grip on his fishing pole, casting a thoughtful eye at the unassuming Node. So okay, he just had to cast his lure into the circle, and then wait for a bite. Then two bars would pop up, right? After that he just had to keep the bubble in the first bar over the fish icon long enough for the second bar to fill. Maybe it was harder than it seemed?


    No reason to guess when he could just test it out for himself. Shin flicked his lure into the dead center of the Fishing Node, ignoring his practiced-honed instincts and ignoring any vibrations from the rod itself. The Minigame didn¡¯t work like actual fishing, he just needed to keep his ears open for¨C


    A bright chime rang out, and Shin immediately pulled up. The expected bars popped into being above the circle, a cheeky looking fish icon in the middle of the first. A cheery tune began to play as the fish doodle shot erratically up and down, its cartoon grin somehow seeming to go more smug as if it considered its escape to be a foregone conclusion.


    Too bad you¡¯re dealing with the Fishing Master today, you arrogant doodle. Shin expertly flicked his fishing rod left and right, keeping the bobber brick locked onto the fish graphic no matter how unpredictable its movements become. Up and up went the capture gauge, desperation seeming to fill the unmoving face of the piscine drawing.


    Gero scowled as the victory music trumpeted out triumphantly, doing her best not to be too impressed by the nearly four foot long tuna that now dangled at the end of Shin¡¯s line. ¡°L-luck! Beginner¡¯s luck!¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Don¡¯t you mean ¡®Master¡¯s Luck¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Yes! I mean, no! I mean, you¡¯ve got to do it again! Once doesn¡¯t prove anything!¡±


    Half a minute later the victory tune rang out again as Shin held up another tuna that was, if anything, a little bigger than the first. Gero folded her ears completely flat, her tail held very low. ¡°Okay, well¡­it takes three times to make a pattern, right? D-do it one more time, and then I¡¯ll¨C¡±


    Shin laughed, unperturbed by Gero¡¯s awkward obstinance. ¡°Okay, okay; this is kinda fun anyway. One more time, right?¡± When Gero nodded, Shin returned the gesture. ¡°Alright. Casting!¡±


    The kobold¡¯s lure dropped neatly into the circle of the Fishing Node once more as Shin settled back, waiting for the tell-tale chime. But instead of the usual merry jingle, the Schemer nearly jumped off of the docks in surprise when a blaring claxon sounded instead.


    Fishing Challenge (Rank: Grandmaster) Encountered! Prepare for The Anglers¡¯ Mettle!This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Shin turned his head towards Gero, both of their eyes very wide. ¡°What the whoa!¡±


    The two bars appeared as normal, though instead of the usual fishing graphic was a rather mysterious star. And to his sinking realization, Shin¡¯s normally quite wide bobber brick was now barely wider than the star itself. Before he could protest the unfairness of this turn of events, however, the enigmatic capture icon rocketed up and down its bar, forcing the kobold to grit his teeth and immediately put his everything into keeping up.


    Sweat poured down Shin¡¯s brow as he desperately kept his bobber locked onto its target, every tendon in his legs and arms straining in protest. He had no idea how he was keeping up, but somehow no matter which twist or turn the star took he was able to just barely keep his bobber locked onto it. But he was doing it. The capture bar was moving so damn slow, but if he could just keep this up he¡¯d actually¨C


    And just then, his fishing pole snapped in half.


    Fishing Tool Sundered, Replace Tool or Forfeit in Five, Four, Three¨C


    ¡°Gero, gimme yours!¡±


    Shin snatched the fishing pole as soon as the stunned woman extended it, the line splashing down into the circle just as the timer was about to run out. And then without missing a beat, the contest was back on. The star icon hardly seemed to stay within the confines of its bar, nearly breaking the laws of space and time as it did its devilish best to confound Shin¡¯s abilities. But somehow, someway, he still managed to keep up. Until¨C


    Fishing Tool Sundered, Replace Tool or¨C


    ¡°Gero, Moots! Get the¨C¡±


    ¡°I know, I know~!¡±


    Gero had already snatched up Moots¡¯s fishing rod, as well as the untouched one they¡¯d brought for Hob for good measure. Moots¡¯s pole barely lasted ten seconds under the fiendish assault of the Grandmaster Challenge, but Hob¡¯s seemed as if it would go the distance. And a good thing, too, because that was the last fishing pole they¡¯d¨C


    Fishing Tool Sundered, Replace¨C


    Woof.


    That was the last fishing pole. There was literally a centimeter left in the capture meter, and that was the last pole. Was Shin going to stand for that? Absolutely not. ¡°Gero, catch me!¡±


    ¡°What do you bwah?!¡± Gero could only choke out a gasp of shock as Shin jumped head first off of the dock, instinct alone allowing her to rush into action. She dove belly-fish onto the surface of the dock, half of her body hanging over the side as she caught her obsessed comrade by the ankles. And there they dangled, Gero holding Shin by the legs as the man shoved his entire arms into the waters of the Fishing Node, insane determination etched across his face.


    The Anglers¡¯ Mettle Complete! Congratulations, Fishing Grandmaster!


    With a heave of sheer power, Gero slowly dragged the soaking wet and maniacally cackling Shin back up onto the docks. ¡°Okay, it doesn¡¯t matter if you won anymore,¡± Gero grumbled. ¡°After that stunt, you are buying dinner!¡±


    Shin could only collapse back on the docks in response, still giggling uncontrollably. The kobold wheezed out in shock as he accidentally sucked in a mouthful of water, coughing uncontrollably for a moment before lifting his head to grin up at Gero. ¡°Definitely.¡±


    Gero smiled, then quickly did her best to resurrect her air of annoyance. ¡°Well, what did you even catch?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Shin lifted his hand, somewhat surprised to find himself holding a perfectly normal eel. ¡°Huh. I was expecting something a bit more¡­I don¡¯t know. Exotic?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s¡­wait.¡± Gero squinted, crouching down to stare more closely at the eel. ¡°What¡¯s up with its neck?¡±


    Shin squinted himself, and sure enough there was an odd sort of bulge just below the head of the serpent-like fish. ¡°I think it swallowed something? Let me just¡­Ah!¡± Shin squeezed his fist and the eel¡¯s jaws snapped open, an opalescent orb the size of a child¡¯s fist popping out onto the kobold¡¯s chest. ¡°Uh, is that a¡­Oh! Oh, Gero! Empty out the tank!¡±


    Beyond asking questions at this point, Gero quickly took hold of the fish tank Shin and brought and dumped all of its grateful-looking occupants back into the ocean. She brought it to the man¡¯s side as he tossed the eel back as well, then carefully dropped the multi-hued orb into the safe waters that had been cleared for it.


    Gero peered down at Shin¡¯s prize, softly glistening from inside the tank like some aquatic opal. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s an egg, Gero,¡± Shin exulted, a familiar excitement building inside of him. ¡°It¡¯s an egg.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The holding pond directly behind Shinki Itten¡¯s central tower had formed empty, despite being particularly grand both in size and design. That had always struck Shin as quite a waste, but for whatever reason he¡¯d never been able to bring himself to relocate any of the other fish into that unfilled throne of a pond. He¡¯d never known why, until now. The throne was simply waiting for its proper owner.


    Shin and Gero stared down at the egg as it settled deep into the waters of the grand pond, nestling itself comfortably against a bulwark of scouring rushes and under the cooling shelter of a water lily. Gero seemed impressed, but Shin couldn¡¯t help but frown.


    No, this wasn¡¯t enough


    An hour later nearly all of the children of Shinki Itten had gathered in the Tower Garden, their parents looking on in amusement as Shin gravely informed the deadly-serious young kobolds and hobgoblins of their weighty task. ¡°I need all of you to pick the five best fish in the whole garden, each with a different color. Can you do that?¡±


    Little Tama immediately threw his fists into the air. ¡°Yes~! I already know the best yellow fish! It¡¯s Grumbo!¡±


    Shin was already moving towards the pond that housed the all-yellow koi. ¡°Which one is Grumbo?¡±


    ¡°Her!¡± The young boy pointed excitedly to an unquestionably majestic fish, massive and elegant with markings of alabaster and amber across her golden body. ¡°She¡¯s the best, right? Right?!¡±


    The children cheered out in agreement before running off to the other ponds, chattering and screaming as they set about the tremendous task of selecting the remaining four Best Fish. There was laughter, there were arguments, and there were more and a few tears. But two hours later they had all gathered behind the tower, five objectively superior fish floating in travel tanks as they awaited their new homes.


    Shin raised his eyebrows, his ears perking straight up as he addressed the intensely eager children. ¡°Are you ready?¡±


    The sheer volume created by the children of Shinki Itten shouting back their agreement could have probably been heard on the other side of the world.


    ¡°Alright then!¡± Shin lifted his hand high, held it there for an agonizing moment, and then brought it down in a decisive swipe. ¡°Now!¡±


    With that the children tipped the fish into the Throne Pond, cheering wildly as the chosen koi splashed about in momentary confusion. The fish quickly seemed to acclimate, however, cautiously testing the waters of their new home. And then, in near perfect unison, they turned towards the egg.


    Shin and Gero watched in rapt fascination as the five Queen Fish slowly swam towards the egg, barely hearing the goodbyes of the children as their parents began to collect them. Soon all five of the piscine royals had arranged themselves in a ring around their rose and purple flecked charge, one by one bobbing their heads in a gesture that was startlingly close to a bow.


    And then they turned, swimming off to inspect every nook and cranny of the Throne Pond with looks of unmistakable resolve in their fishy eyes. Come what may, Shin was absolutely certain that this was going to be the best-guarded fish egg in all of Magica.


    Gero shook her head, unable to hide her amazement. ¡°I have no idea what this was. Could you please explain to me what this was?¡±


    ¡°Sorry, Gero. Your guess is as good as mine.¡± Shin had to laugh when Gero scowled at him. ¡°Let¡¯s try to figure it out over dinner! I still owe you, right?¡±


    The woman grinned at that, opening her mouth to reply. But then something over Shin¡¯s shoulder caught her eye, and she tilted her head. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡±


    Shin turned, finding the entirety of the Shinki Itten Council coming up the path. ¡°Oh, hey!¡± He called, waving out to his approaching friends. ¡°Did you come to see the new pond? It¡¯s pretty amazing, we¨C¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not that.¡± And uncharacteristically solemn Momo held up a scroll, a giant ¡®M¡¯ etched onto its side in glowing blue and gold letters. ¡°We¡¯ve got an issue.¡±

 54. Summoned

    ¡°Do we even know that this is real?¡± Shin questioned, his fingers drumming across the tabletop as he eyed the seemingly innocuous scroll with suspicion. ¡°I know I wouldn¡¯t be able to tell the difference.¡±


    ¡°¡±S real, no foolin¡¯,¡± Moots insisted. ¡°I seen plenty o¡¯ thems afore, on account o¡¯ my mysterious past n¡¯all.¡±


    Dyu¡¯s ears perked at that, the farmer leaning over the Council Table to tilt his head at Moots. ¡°Really? You¡¯ve seen royal seals from Magica City? When?¡±


    ¡°Well~,¡± the old man offered, scratching at his head as he furrowed his brow in concentration. ¡°Guess I don¡¯t rightly know, ¡®sactly. S¡¯probably what makes my past so mysterious-like.¡± He shrugged, then prodded his boney finger into the parchment¡¯s embossed sigil. ¡°My guts¡¯re sure of it, though: this right here is directly from Ol¡¯ King Majesty hisself.¡±


    Momo picked up the scroll, brow furrowed as she once again read its contents aloud. ¡°¡®Envoys of the Kobolds and Hobgoblins of the Extremities are hereby invited to the Court of King Majesty, where their recent struggles with the Oaken Elves of Quercus may be mediated in the name of Peace¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shita snorted. ¡°Shinki Itten¡¯s part of ¡®the Extremities¡¯? Don¡¯t care much for the name, I have to say. It''s like we''re in Magica''s ass or something.¡±


    Momo flapped the scroll questioningly in her hand. "So this will teleport us close to Magica City, and then teleport us back afterwards? That has to be expensive, right?"


    Bittercup nodded, eyeing the scroll with the sort of grim distaste that another might reserve for a vomiting tarantula. "It''s incredibly expensive."


    "Wow," Momo carefully put the scroll down. "They must really be serious about wanting us to go."


    Shin didn¡¯t disagree. Receiving a royal summons that essentially called you the Butthole People of Magica didn¡¯t feel great. ¡°Well,¡± the Schemer sighed, shifting uncomfortably on his cushion. ¡°What do we want to do about this?¡±


    Gero was the first to raise her voice. ¡°He¡¯s not our King, is he? It¡¯s ¡®Kingdoms¡¯ of Magica, not ¡®Kingdom¡¯. We don¡¯t have to go just because some piece of paper says we have to, do we?¡±


    ¡°Yeah no, you absolutely have to send someone.¡± Bittercup¡¯s contributions to Council Meetings were historically rare, and almost always glib. But there was no mistaking the iron insistence in her voice this time. ¡°If you try to ignore Magica City, it¡¯ll decide you¡¯re a problem. And Magica City does not tolerate problems for long. You¡¯re talking about the beating heart of the Destined Path; Magica City might as well be the System.¡±


    Shin frowned inwardly. ¡°What¡¯s the worst case scenario?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to even try to think up what the ¡®worst case¡¯ might be,¡± Bittercup flatly stated. ¡°Bad. Worse than that. I do know what the medium case would be though, which would be Magica City declaring War on Shinki Itten. You¡¯d be overrun by Players within a night, all trying to burn this place to the ground for a few points of Reputation.¡±


    Woof. ¡°What I wonder is what this is even about.¡± Shin snatched up the scroll to give it another scan, tossing it back down on the Council Table when he found nothing new or enlightening. ¡°What¡¯s the last actual conflict we had with Quercus? I sincerely doubt what happened with those three Players counts.¡±


    ¡°Well, what about the fort?¡± Mimisu chimed in. ¡°That was kinda an act of war, wasn¡¯t it?¡±


    Shin had already considered that. ¡°It was, but only before we upgraded to Level Three. The fort and its entire zone were merged into Shinki Itten, right? We literally changed history. Regardless of what actually happened, the official stance as far as the System is concerned is that the fort has always been our territory.¡±


    Hilde let out a low whistle, plucking a pickled pepper from the bowl on the table. ¡°The world is confusing.¡±Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    Damn straight it was.


    Gero narrowed an eye at the perpetually closed-lipped Wild Children councilmember, who still refused to participate more than absolutely necessary or tell anyone his actual name. ¡°What about you lot, then? Is Higen out there doing his Higen thing on the Oaken Elves?¡±


    The Wild Son shrugged. ¡°Probably.¡±


    Momo raised her eyebrows archly. ¡°I hope you can manage a better answer than that.¡±


    As usual, the High Priestess was the only Councilmember capable of mollifying the wild kobold. ¡°This isn¡¯t about us. We pick our targets carefully, and don¡¯t leave mouths to spread rumors.¡± He swiveled an eye towards Bittercup. ¡°Well. Except the once.¡±


    The elf replied with the most humorless smile Shin had ever seen. ¡°Yeah, thanks a billion.¡±


    The Wild Son simply grunted in response.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t Magica City really far away?¡± One of the hobgoblin Councilmembers asked. ¡°How long would it take any Envoys we sent to even get there?¡±


    ¡°Well we got lots of problems, but that ain¡¯t one o¡¯ them.¡± Moots spread the scroll out over the table, nodding towards the glyph affixed directly below King Majesty¡¯s intensely fanciful signature. ¡°That there¡¯s a Travel Key. Should be wired up fer sendin¡¯ folks towards a way station at the borders o¡¯ Magica City, the good Goddess willin¡¯ and the crick don¡¯t rise.¡±


    ¡°So in summation,¡± Shin pressed his hands down on the table and pushed himself up from his cushion, rising to address the entire Council, ¡°We¡¯ve been summoned to a place we¡¯ve never been, to account for actions we¡¯re unaware of, using a magical piece of paper sent to us by a stranger. Does that about cover it?¡±


    As the rest of the Council murmured amongst themselves, Mimasu gave his notes a quick scan. ¡°Hm¡­hm!¡± He flashed Shin a thumbs up. ¡°That covers it!¡±


    ¡°Good, great, grand.¡± Shin indulged in a deeply irritated sigh, then gave himself a shake. No time to waste complaining. ¡°Alright, well. Does anyone have a burning desire to be one of the envoys? If anyone has some personal benefit to gain from a trip to Magica City, we may as well make the most of this hassle.¡±


    Momo raised her hand. ¡°The circumstances are obnoxious, but I was going to need to make the trip eventually anyway. Our Goddess isn¡¯t part of any greater pantheon, but I need to establish friendly relations between Her and the mainstream deities of Magica.¡±


    So what, sort of like a divine Play Date? ¡°Anyone else?¡±


    Gero raised her voice. ¡°I¡¯m in, too. If this is a trap, we¡¯ll need someone to smash a way out of it.¡±


    Huh. It seemed like an eternity since the first time Shin left this zone with Momo and Gero. There was a certain symmetry he appreciated to the three of them heading out into the unknown yet again.


    ¡°Hrm.¡± Hilde swallowed the last bite of her pepper, reaching out for another. ¡°It¡¯s a shame Bex isn¡¯t around right now. I¡¯ve been further than most of the people at this table, but never anywhere close to Magica City. Having someone who was familiar with that part of the world would have been useful.¡±


    It was true enough. Shinki Itten¡¯s favorite Player had said her goodbyes only a few days ago, vanishing off into the greater world to grind her last few levels until Level Twenty. Shin didn¡¯t begrudge the girl having her own goals and priorities, but the timing was deeply unfortunate.


    Mimasu perked up, a thought striking him. ¡°Oh! What about you, Moots? Does your mysterious past include any more working knowledge of the ins and outs of the Destined Path?¡±


    ¡°Ehh, well, mebbe? But,¡± Moots offered a rueful shrug, ¡°Ol¡¯ Moots can¡¯t leave the zone, don¡¯cha know. Gotta stick around fer that quest o¡¯ mine, so th¡¯ dang ol¡¯ System won¡¯t let me through the barrier.¡±


    Oh blah. Well as much as it pained him, Shin didn¡¯t see any other option than going in blind. There simply wasn¡¯t anyone else who¨C


    ¡°I¡¯ve been to Magica City.¡±


    Every eye at the table turned to peer at Bittercup, the elf looking as if she already halfway regretted saying anything. Shin had made a point of not making too many demands of her; he¡¯d assumed that her willingness to hold the honorary elven position on the Council was the limit of her civic mindedness. And if Shin had to come up with the worst possible favor to ask of the world-weary woman, asking her to chaperone them on a trip to the center of Player activity in Magica would rank near the top.


    But she was the one who brought it up. And if she¡¯d actually been to Magica City¡­¡±Bittercup, I know it¡¯s asking a lot,¡± Shin slowly began, ¡°But if you¡¯re willing to¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes yes, fine.¡± The woman shook her head, clearly as surprised as anyone else. ¡°I¡¯m willing. I owe you, don¡¯t I?¡±


    Shin firmly shook his head. ¡°You absolutely do not.¡±


    In response, Bittercup stuck out her tongue. ¡°Well I say I do. So that settles it.¡±


    The Schemer supposed that it did. They had considered the angles as best they could, and marshaled their forces to the best of their abilities. This was another dive into the unknown, but Shin had to take some comfort in their track record, didn¡¯t he?


    Well, he didn¡¯t. Past isn¡¯t prologue, and Shin knew that they couldn¡¯t win every gamble. Besides, as he stared down at the scroll once more, Shin couldn¡¯t help the sinking feeling in his chest. Because for the first time ever, he knew that they were dancing on someone else¡¯s strings.

 55. Destination Confirmed

    ¡°So what do you have on your plate today?¡±


    Shin continued to braid the hair of the kobold in front of him as he considered the cheerful question from the kobold who stood behind him. ¡°Hm. Leaping blindly into the wild unknown, I suppose. How about you?¡±


    ¡°Oh, pretty much the same!¡± The friendly kobold smiled as he deftly tied back Shin¡¯s hair. ¡°Gotta shape and dry a bunch of tile. We''re working on a new Tower to keep watch on the docks!¡±


    ¡°Hm. That sounds tough, Nao.¡±


    "Is it ever! I''m definitely stiff as a piece of tile myself by the time I finish work."


    "I''ll bet." After a moment, Shin raised his voice again. ¡°Wanna trade?¡±


    ¡°No thanks!¡±


    Goddess, Shin was going to miss this. His quarters at the top of the Central Tower had bedchambers, but he¡¯d quickly decided it best to sleep in the traditional Giant Ball of Kobolds that formed a few floors down every night instead. Lording over the others in his special Biggest Boss territory that no one else got to sleep in was far too mongrel, after all, and Shin had already been a little wary of the deference his fellow villagers had tried to show him.


    So while it may have been overstating the issue to claim that familiarity breeds contempt, it stood to reason that one might be less inclined to bow and scrape to someone if they slept with their butt directly in that someone¡¯s face.


    And by all accounts, the gambit had been a rousing success. No one tried to call him ¡®Lord Shin¡¯ anymore, no one attempted to awkwardly correct their manners in his presence, and no one tried to apologize for inconveniencing him or any other such nonsense. Though he suspected that, in casting aside any lordly affectations, he had ultimately cemented his vaunted position in the hearts of his neighbors.


    He knew what they were thinking when they saw him sweeping the path to the Shrine or tending to the fish, knew what they were saying when they pointed him out to their friends and whispered to one another. ¡®That¡¯s our leader; look how humble he is! He clears away leaves and knows our childrens¡¯ names! Let¡¯s follow him even more blindly than we otherwise might have!¡¯ Was a performative lack of haughtiness really just another type of haughtiness? Shin had a suspicion that it might be.


    Well whatever. Shin liked it, and if that occasionally made him feel like an imposter then so be it. He liked that his friends and neighbors simultaneously treated him with affectionate familiarity and seemed to think that everything that came out of his mouth was pure genius. He liked sleeping in a giant ball of kobolds, too. But what he especially liked was the morning communal grooming, each member of the freshly risen dogpile circling up to untangle and then ceremoniously knot the long hair of their neighbors. It just felt right; it reinforced the feeling that this was his home, and these were his people.


    When he¡¯d last left home, enough of them had gone along to keep the practice up, but it wouldn¡¯t really work this time. Sure, he supposed that he and Momo would tend to each other¡¯s hair in the morning, but it wasn¡¯t at all the same with just two. Bittercup had been growing closer to Shinki Itten and its citizens, but not this close. And unlike nearly every other kobold, Gero and her fellow warriors kept their hair close cropped. Apparently lengthy hair-tying rituals weren¡¯t feasible for someone who needed to be prepared for all-out war to break out at any time.


    It was as convincing an argument for peace as Shin had ever heard.


    Well, there was no sense dawdling any longer. Shin bid farewell to his sleep mates as they filed out to start their day, raising a hand to Mimasu when he spotted the scribe waiting for him in the hallway. ¡°Is everything prepared?¡±


    Mimi quickly scanned a page of notes, then nodded. ¡°Yes, everything checks out.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re traveling light, but I can¡¯t help feeling as if we¡¯re forgetting something.¡± Shin pondered that for a moment as the two kobolds started down the tower¡¯s grand staircase, distractedly nodding to the other villagers who greeted him as they passed. ¡°We¡¯ve got a gift for King Majesty, right? Didn¡¯t we agree that kings probably expect gifts?¡±


    ¡°We did,¡± Mimasu confirmed, flipping forward in his notes. ¡°The Council had some trouble deciding on what gift, though.¡±


    ¡°Oh right. I still think he¡¯d like a koi.¡±


    ¡°I bet he would!¡± the scribe agreed.


    Shin considered the idea for a moment. ¡°Finding a way to transport a foot-long fish across unknown and probably dangerous territory would be tough, though.¡±


    Mimi nodded. ¡°Very true.¡±


    ¡°Also even if we did manage the task, it might be a little rude?¡± Shin lifted his hands, adopting a lilting tone. ¡°¡®Greetings Your Majesty! You¡¯ve never met us, but we brought you this living responsibility! Hope you¡¯ve got some big-ass ponds!¡¯¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± Mimasu nodded thoughtfully. ¡°That, too, is true.¡±


    ¡°Oh well,¡± Shin shrugged. ¡°Did the Council ever reach a decision?¡±


    ¡°Bottle of booze!¡±


    ¡°Good enough.¡±


    Shin blinked away the glare of the morning sun as the two kobolds stepped out of the Tower, unable to resist a smile when he noticed the fish being diligently fed by a horde of intensely focused children. At least he didn¡¯t have to worry about this being taken care of while he was away. ¡°Good work!¡± He called out, basking in the chorus of cheerful greetings he received in return. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to fetch Mister Moots when it¡¯s time to feed the Queen Fish!¡±


    That was another thing Shin would miss about Shinki Itten. Something was absolutely up with that egg he¡¯d caught. The five spectacular koi the children had picked as its guardians tended and nurtured their tender charge with a vigilance that seemed beyond what such simple creatures should be capable of. He hadn¡¯t missed the sparkling, almost diadem-like markings that had begun to form on their piscine brows, either.


    Something was going to happen. And it was going to be One, Amazing, and Two, Fish Related. And if he missed it because of this dumb summons? He might wind up burning Magica Kingdom to the damn ground.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry~!¡± Called out Tama, the little kobold¡¯s cheerful voice cutting through Shin¡¯s funk. ¡°We¡¯ll make extra sure to take care of Grumbo and Prettyfins and Sweetsie and Fishy Fishfishfish and Mister Tinkles!¡±


    Hm. Shin should not have let the children name those fish.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    The crowd of children parted to make way for Gero and Momo, the former effortlessly carrying the travel supplies for their trip slung over her shoulder. ¡°So we¡¯re really doing this?¡± she questioned, ¡°You¡¯re sure this isn¡¯t as terrible an idea as it seems?¡±


    ¡°Not even slightly,¡± Shin confirmed. ¡°This is almost certainly a trap.¡±


    ¡°Great,¡± Gero huffed. ¡°Solid pep talk, Shin.¡±


    Bittercup clearly agreed, fussing at the knot of her cloak as she reluctantly followed the two kobold women. ¡°I know I¡¯m pepped all the way up to the damn brim.¡±


    ¡°Have some faith,¡± Momo offered. ¡°Maybe everything is on the up-and-up.¡±


    The elf arched an eyebrow. ¡°And if it isn¡¯t?¡±


    Momo tilted her head, looking as if the answer was almost too obvious to even voice. ¡°Then we¡¯ll just lie or smash our way through. Same as always.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist a grin at that. ¡°If that isn¡¯t official doctrine yet, it really should be.¡±


    The rest of the Council had joined them by then, looking uncharacteristically solemn as they gathered to see the foursome off. They filed past one by one to offer each departing member a small bow and their farewells, even the Wild Son managing a nearly respectful incline of his head. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about us,¡± Hilde promised. ¡°We¡¯ll make sure Shinki Itten is still standing when you get back.¡±


    Well, what else was there to say? Shin glanced towards the others, receiving resolved nods from Momo and Gero and a somewhat grudging confirmation from Bittercup. Okay, everyone was ready. He carefully unrolled the message from King Majesty, held his breath, and then firmly tapped his fingers to the Travel Key.


    Travel Key Activated! Two Destinations Within Range! Choose Destination?


    Oh shit what this changes everything


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    ¡°Okay, so we thought we had no choice but to go here,¡± ¨CShin jabbed his finger into the map the Wild Son had spread across the Council Table, indicating the city of Feldspar¨C¡±Right?¡±


    The others nodded, huddling around the table to inspect the map. They¡¯d hastily relocated to the Council Room after the sudden revelation of their newfound options, a new vigor brushing away their previous solemnity. ¡°Remind me,¡± Shita mused, ¡°what do we know about Feldspar? Human city, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± the Wild Son confirmed, completely cooperative and engaged for once. ¡°My brothers and sisters have ranged that far, and a bit further. Its only remarkable quality is that it¡¯s considered the edge of the Destined Path.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s also the closest major city to Quercus,¡± Bittercup interjected. ¡°It¡¯s practically Glandem¡¯s back yard.¡±


    Shin nodded, distracted by his own whirling thoughts. ¡°So the chances of us teleporting in and immediately being ambushed are non-zero. But this other destination¨C¡±


    ¡°¡®Anyport¡¯?¡± Gero folded her ears as she stared down at the map, her eyes roaming across its surface. ¡°But I don¡¯t see it here. Does anyone else?¡±


    Shin sure didn¡¯t, and it didn¡¯t seem as if anyone else did either. Though the Schemer had a suspicion. ¡°Well, we know it¡¯s an option for the Travel Key. So that means it must be at least as close to us as Feldspar, right?¡±


    Gero nodded. ¡°Right¡­¡±


    ¡°I think that means it can only be somewhere here.¡± Shin slapped his hand down into the blank white space directly next to Shinki Itten, the unmarked vastness that was the ocean. ¡°It must be on the sea route to Magica.¡±


    Bittercup furrowed her brow, repeating that to herself. ¡°The sea route to¡­oh, wait, seriously? That¡­might not be the best idea.¡±


    Momo leaned in, shooting the elf a questioning look. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Because look.¡± Bittercup plucked the quill from Mimasu¡¯s hands, quickly starting to fill in some of the map¡¯s empty spaces. ¡°We all know about Levels, right? How generally speaking, most people and creatures in a zone are roughly the same? And zones that are next to each other generally are, too?¡± She continued on without waiting for confirmation. ¡°So as you leave Shinki Itten and head towards Magica,¡± ¨Cshe dragged her finger on the map from Shinki Itten, through Feldspar, and all the way to Magica City¨C ¡°It¡¯s a steady level progression. Sometimes up, sometimes down, but it¡¯s manageable. Anyone we came across would be within the same level range as us.¡±


    Huh. Shin watched in fascination as Bittercup filled in the spaces of the map beyond the sea. She seemed to be drawing in a¡­troubling amount of skulls. ¡°But not if we went to Anyport, I take it? Have you been there?¡±


    ¡°Never heard of it,¡± Bittercup admitted. ¡°But I¡¯m just trying to think of why there would be a Travel Hub in the ocean, and the only thought that makes sense is that it¡¯s a gateway to the Max Level Zones. You know, where Players more powerful than Gods fight monsters more powerful than Twenty-ish Gods.¡±


    So¡­if what she was saying was correct, then Shinki Itten was bordered on one side by a heated rival, and on the other end by the strongest beings in all of existence. That was certainly something. ¡°So going there is, at the very least, a huge risk.¡±


    ¡°It seems like it, but¡­¡± Momo trailed off, something sparkling in her eyes. ¡°But the Oaken Elves definitely have no idea we could go there. We didn¡¯t even know.¡±


    Gero slowly nodded. ¡°So it¡¯s a risk, but it¡¯s not a trap. Between the two¡­I think I might prefer the risk.¡±


    ¡°Same,¡± Momo immediately concurred.


    ¡°Well I definitely agree,¡± Shin replied. ¡°But what do you think, Bittercup?¡±


    The elf stared at Shin for a moment, sliding her gaze over towards Momo and Gero for a moment. Then she glanced down at the map, taking in where she had just finished scrawling out a few dozen skulls to mark the nearby dangers of the Max Level Zones.


    Then, she threw up her hands in defeat. ¡°Fuck it. At least I won¡¯t have to go to Feldspar. That place sucks.¡±


    There was no reason to delay any longer. Shin quickly spread the message out on the table, shared one final nod with his companions, and then pressed down on the Travel Key.


    Travel Key Activated! Two Destinations Within Range! Choose Destination?


    Shin raised his voice, steady and clear. ¡°¡®Anyport¡¯.¡±


    And then space inverted in on itself.


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    The first hint that the world as he knew it had returned to some semblance of normality was the tang of saltwater that perfumed the breeze. Then, it was the scream of gulls passing overhead. Then it was the realization that he was bent over some sort of railing, violently expelling the contents of his stomach.


    ¡°Oof, first time teleporting?¡±


    Still utterly discombobulated, Shin managed to groan out something close to a reply. ¡°Bwuh-huh¡­¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s rough, buddy. Try curling your toes; really being here in the moment can help.¡±


    Shin groggily obliged, too disoriented to consider whether he should be taking advice from mysterious voices. And it was fortunate he was, because the kobold found that he almost immediately started to feel better. Sensation spread from his toes through his legs and suffused his entire body, the swirling in Shin¡¯s brain slowing to a halt as he took in a deep breath. ¡°Wow, okay.¡± He turned, managing a shaky smile for his benefactor. ¡°That really helped, thanks a¨C¡±


    The kobold boggled as he found himself staring at the decapitated head of some enormous demon, one of the dozens of eyes dotting the brow beneath its crown-like tangle of horns blinking in an incredibly macabre wink. ¡°My pleasure,¡± the head sincerely enthused, blood gushing from both of its tooth-filled maws. ¡°Just glad to be of help!¡±


    Maybe Shin should have tried a little harder to convince that villager to swap spots with him. Shaping and drying some tile sounded super right about now.

 56. The Demon King is Dead

    Teleportation, Shin decided on the spot, was his least favorite form of travel. Walking was very nice, and even running could be pleasant in managed bursts. He quite enjoyed swimming, and the kobold was certain that if he was capable of flight, he¡¯d be enamored of that as well. He¡¯d never been flung via catapult, or perhaps by a very precise giant, but if he received reasonable assurances that his landing would be soft he¡¯d be willing to give it a shot.


    But having now experienced teleportation first hand, Shin could declare with confidence that he was not a fan. He didn¡¯t understand any of the magic or mechanisms behind its function, but he did know how it made him feel: like every single piece of him had been pushed through a fine mesh sieve, scattered to the wind in a flurry of cacophonous madness, then smooshed back together in his desired location.


    It was hard to tell exactly, but Shin was fairly certain that his body-bits had reformed before his mind-bits. Maybe a few of those mind-bits were still wafting around on the ephemeral breeze, somewhere. That would certainly explain the decapitated demon head and its helpful advice.


    Shin was still in possession of his manners-bits, though, so he buckled down and made an attempt to do anything besides staring slack-jawed at the gore-dripping monstrosity that was still winking at him. ¡°I, um, you¡­¡± Shin swallowed, his ears folded completely flat against his skull. ¡°Head? You are one?¡±


    Yep. There were definitely some mind-bits still tumbling through the ether.


    If the horrific visage took offense at Shin¡¯s sputterings, it had the good graces not to show it. ¡°Oh, my bad! Let me introduce myself; I¡¯m Regalus Vileblood, Tyrant-Lord of the Lands of Inchoate Horror.¡± The head reconsidered that, then amended its statement. ¡°Well. I¡¯m the head of Regalus Vileblood, Tyrant-Lord of the Lands of Inchoate Horror.¡±


    Shin really had no idea what to do with this information. ¡°Um, nice. I¡¯m Shin.¡±


    ¡°Nice to meet you, Shin!¡± The mutilation that was Regalus chuckled, causing a fresh torrent of viscera to burst from its gaping neck-wound. ¡°My first day out of the Lands of Inchoate Horror, and I¡¯ve already made a new friend. Isn¡¯t life fun?¡±


    ¡°Totally,¡± Shin agreed, perhaps a touch too quickly. ¡°This is totally, totally fun.¡±


    "So you''re on your way to Magica City, hey Shin?" the viscera-strewn head inquired. "Bright Lights, Big City, Bigger Dreams?"


    "It''s...not like that. It''s more of a necessity than a choice."


    "Ah, got it. Business, not pleasure. Of course." Regalus''s left row of eyes winked again. "I hope you do manage to make at least a little time for yourself though, right Shin?"


    "Um. Right."


    ¡°Well hey, listen Shin,¡± Regulus lowered its (his?) voice conspiratorially, ¡°I¡¯m not actually supposed to do any talking until my big reveal at the throne room. So let¡¯s just keep this between us, yeah?¡±


    So now Shin was in a conspiracy with the still-living head of a demon. So that was cool. ¡°Sure? I mean, okay?¡±


    ¡°Awesome; you¡¯re the best, Shin. Anyways, I.¡± ¨CRegalus cut himself off mid sentence, one of his three sets of ears perking up. ¡°Aw beans, he¡¯s coming back. Sorry, gotta go mannequin again; hope we can talk again some day, Shin!¡±


    With that, the demon head stiffened, his eyes rolled back and his fang-filled mouths frozen in a rictus of furious agony. To all outward appearances it was completely dead, nothing more than a plain old everyday decapitated demon head. Had Shin imagined the entire conversation? Honestly, the Schemer reasoned, that would be kind of a comfort.


    ¡°I told you, I just put it down for¡­Oh! There!¡±


    Shin was beyond being fazed when a girl burst around the corner, snatching up the bloody head. She was short, somewhere between four and five feet, probably not a human, and absolutely a Player; the way she crowed over the disgusting thing like it was a prize pumpkin spoke to the sort of insanity Players seemed to uniquely possess. She grinned up at Shin, utterly unconcerned by the fact that her expensive-looking armor and bright pink pigtails were getting smeared with gore. ¡°Hey! Guess what!¡±


    What else was Shin supposed to say? ¡°What?¡±


    The girl thrust out her grisly trophy, beaming with pride. ¡°I killed the Demon King! I, Balanthora, am the Savior of Magica!¡± When Shin didn¡¯t immediately respond, she furrowed her brow and shook Regalus¡¯s head at him. ¡°Well? You heard that, right? Demon King? Killed? Savior of Magica?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s not from the Destined Path, my guy,¡± Another Player, this one sporting glimmering mail and vaguely reptilian features, snarked from his position leaning against the wall. ¡°Probably not even from the same Expansion. I doubt he¡¯s ever even heard of the Demon King.¡±Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    ¡°Oh.¡± Balanthora slumped at that, then straightened back up with cheeks puffed out in irritation. ¡°Well that sucks! I¡¯m trying to RP here, and the NPCs don¡¯t even react right?¡±


    A third Player, a lithe human woman with a shield strapped to her back, snickered. ¡°You think Mundi¡¯s gonna update the lore for the whole world every time they introduce a new Big Bad? Nah. They¡¯ll just do what they always do.¡± She lifted her hands, adopting a spooky voice. ¡°¡®You may have defeated me, heroes, but know this! I was merely trying to stave off an even greater evil! The true enemy is yet to¡¯¨C¡±


    ¡°La-la-la I can¡¯t hear your spoilers la-la-la~!¡± The dwarvish girl stopped babbling and covering her ears as soon as it seemed like her companion had finished, shooting the other woman a venomous glare. ¡°You know, I didn¡¯t pay you guys for this carry to get made fun of.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± The lizan quirked his fin-like ears. ¡°Why did you pay for it, then?¡±


    ¡°I paid for it to¡­hmph!¡± The girl stuffed Regalus¡¯s head into a comically undersized bag, the enormous thing somehow vanishing into its depths. ¡°Whatever, dude. The Port Master was super impressed with me, you know. I¡¯m gonna be his special guest at dinner tonight! You know, since I¡¯m The Savior of Magica and all.¡±


    ¡°Oh really?¡± The woman raised her eyebrows, sharing a look with her lizan compatriot. ¡°That¡¯s so weird. He told us the same thing, too. You know, since we¡¯re,¡± They both reached into their own bags, pulling out completely identical decapitated heads of Regalus Vileblood, Tyrant-Lord of the Lands of Inchoate Horror and intoning in unison, ¡°The Saviors of Magica.¡±


    Balanthora immediately stormed off in a huff, her pastel pigtails flouncing as furiously as bright pink pigtails could manage. The lizan stuffed his own trophy back into his bag, following his tantrum-throwing employer. The woman, however, lingered long enough to twist a not-entirely friendly smile at Shin. ¡°Welcome to the Destined Path, doggo.¡± She cocked a finger at the kobold, then pulled it back in a firing motion. ¡°Pew.¡±


    And then she, too, was gone. Shin had met four people since teleporting into Anyport, and by far the most pleasant among them had been a still-living demonic head. Not the best sign.


    Speaking of Anyport.


    Having finally gotten through his post-teleport, post-demon head, post-Player stupefaction, Shin could take full account of his surroundings. Anyport seemed to be an artificial island of sorts, created by the hulls of countless ships wedged into a series of spiky rock formations bursting out of the ocean. And there was no question that that was precisely where they were: the middle of the ocean. A vast expanse of endless blue expanded in every direction, broken up only by the steady trickle of ships coming and going from Anyport¡¯s harbors. Gero and Momo were making good use of that endless expanse of blue at the moment, the former holding the latter over the side of the pier so she might continue heaving her guts into the otherwise pristine waters.


    It seemed like Shin wasn¡¯t the only one who¡¯d found teleportation to be a bad time. Luckily, he¡¯d received some advice on the matter. ¡°You should curl your toes,¡± he called out to the still-spewing Priestess. ¡°Being here in the moment can help.¡±


    Momo groaned out a response that may or may not have been confirmation. Maybe the advice was more compelling when delivered by a Demon King.


    ¡°I caught the end of that, you know.¡± Shin glanced over to find Bittercup at his side, the elven woman looking a bit drained of color but otherwise unharmed by the magical travel. ¡°You need to be careful, Shin.¡±


    The kobold tilted his head. ¡°About the Players? I know, we¡¯ve got to¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah, you don¡¯t know shit.¡± Bittercup raised the hood of her cloak, peering cautiously in the direction the three Players left. ¡°This isn¡¯t Shinki Itten. Okay? This is the Destined Path. This entire world exists solely for their amusement, you know.¡±


    Shin frowned. ¡°And how is that any different from everywhere else?¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s different.¡± The elf shook her head, shuddering slightly. ¡°You¡¯ll see.¡±


    ¡°Would you mind letting me know when you see how it¡¯s different?¡± Mimasu piped up. ¡°I want to make sure I memorialize your thoughts!¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears shot up in surprise. ¡°Mimi? What? Why are you here?¡±


    The little scribe blinked, tilting his own head in confusion. ¡°Wasn¡¯t I supposed to come?¡±


    ¡°I mean,¡± Shin scratched at his head. ¡°I guess there was no reason you couldn¡¯t, but I¡¯d thought you were going to stay home?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I couldn¡¯t! What if I missed anything particularly thought-provoking? Like this!¡± Mimasu eagerly flipped back a page in his notes. ¡°Your advice about toe-curling! Ingenious! Ground-breaking!¡± The scribe winced as his praise was interrupted by his own groaning stomach. ¡°Though, um, maybe not one hundred percent effective? Would you hold these, please?¡±


    With that the little kobold carefully handed Shin his scrolls and quill, and then rushed to the railing to join Momo in a chorus of retching. So this was Anyport, was it? Talking demon heads, dangerous Players, and a bunch of vomiting kobolds.


    Maybe Feldspar and the obvious trap it represented wouldn¡¯t have been such a bad choice after all.

 57. Anyport in a Storm

    Port Master Rook was not particularly thrilled by the downfall of the Demon King.


    Not that he showed it, of course. The refined man, once young-looking but now creased by the necessities of leadership to an appearance more fitting his middling age, made certain to exult and applaud and say all of the lines that were expected of him. To do otherwise would be to invite the Things that sometimes came to him in his dreams, hissing at him about ¡®complaint tickets¡¯ and ¡®main story support¡¯ and ¡®doing his fucking job¡¯. But no matter how dutifully he cheered and fussed over the steady trickle of severed head-toting Players, he couldn¡¯t force himself to feel it in his heart.


    The repetition didn¡¯t help, certainly. Maybe if he¡¯d had any confidence that the Demon King actually was dead, permanently, he¡¯d have felt a tickle of something. But that was increasingly difficult after months and months of the same preening Players presenting identical grisly trophies. Either the Demon King kept coming back, or he had like a million heads.


    Port Master Rook didn''t find either possibility all that appealing.


    The fact that the Demon King didn¡¯t seem to be doing anything further complicated matters. As far as Rook could tell, he spent all of his days sitting around in The Lands of Inchoate Horror loudly announcing that he was just about to launch some new Infernal Crusade, that he was just about to bring about the End of All Things. But if the forces of evil were actually accomplishing anything, it took the form of a far subtler calamity.


    Somehow, Port Master Rook doubted they were capable of such illusive maneuverings. They¡¯d named their home ¡®The Lands of Inchoate Horror¡¯, after all. Not exactly the mark of a delicate touch.


    Fortunately, at this point, most of the Players who breezed through Anyport still-dripping in Demon King blood seemed to be just as bored by the matter as Rook was. Few of them bothered even presenting him with the head in question anymore, and fewer still asked for the Hero¡¯s Banquet he was meant to host for them. Most simply changed ships and sailed for Magica City. Rarely did they bother to wash off the blood.


    Rook had hoped the pattern would hold, but this dwarf girl seemed to be one of the vanishingly few true believers. She either truly believed that she had saved all of Magica, or she was simply that eager to be praised. Either way, there was no getting out of it: Port Master Rook had a job to do. That meant pulling a Key to the City out of the big shed stuffed with Keys to the City. That meant brushing up on his adulating speeches. That meant rounding up people for the banquet.


    Oh Gods, another banquet.


    He allowed himself a brief sigh, a bit of momentary glumness bubbling through his professional facade. He was just a man, after all, and all of this forced celebration of pointless decapitation had taken its toll. It wasn¡¯t as if he was one of those drones in Magica City, who simply existed to unhinge their jaws and let whatever some Higher Being had written for them to spill out at the right moment. He had dreams! He had needs! He dearly wanted to go just one day without getting the Demon King¡¯s blood on his very nice boots.


    But no. Port Master Rook had his role to play, and he knew he didn¡¯t have the stones to rebel against it beyond a few private grumbles. Any more than that was a surefire way to invite the Things to fill his unwaking hours with more of their hellish training videos.


    Ugh. He was already dreading the speech he¡¯d have to give. He quickly shoved that unhappy thought to the back of his mind and turned his attention to other matters. Namely, the odd group that had arrived just after this latest batch of Players. No ship manifest claimed them, which meant they had most likely Teleported. But from where? They lacked the vaguely unnerving mannerisms of Magica City citizens, and they were far too low level to have come from any of the usual ports of call.


    Curious. Very curious.


    The elf was immediately tabled as an outlier; maybe she was an ally or an associate or simply a fellow traveler, but any theory Rook might have had as to why she was with these not-quite-Beastmen dog people would have been little better than a guess. As to the other four, he thought he saw the broad strokes. The smaller woman was clearly someone important; a high cleric or scholar or some other leader. And the steel-eyed giant and exuberant little scribe were clearly her bodyguard and aide, respectively.


    The other male was Rook¡¯s sticking point, however. Why had this woman brought along a personal bard, of all things?


    Well, no matter. Maybe Rook could convince her to let him sing a few songs at tonight¡¯s banquet. Then maybe the next time the Things showed up in his dreams, they¡¯d shriek that he¡¯d done a good job for once. A man could always hope. Either way the group seemed to have finished their post-Teleportation vomiting, so Rook figured the time was as good as any for introductions.


    ¡°Greetings!¡± Rook opened in his deeply practiced official voice. ¡°And welcome to Anyport! I am Port Master Meriwether Rook. What brings you to this humble harbor, if I might ask?¡±


    The leader tilted her head at Rook, quite charmingly if he did say so himself. What were these people, exactly? He desperately wanted to know, but it seemed like a deeply rude question. And if their reaction to his opening inquiry was any indication, this conversation wouldn¡¯t last long enough for him to get to that particular query.


    For whatever reason four of the five seemed to be deeply amused at the simple question posed to their leader, the bard flicking his canine ears in some inscrutable expression as the others shot him sidelong glances. Oh wait, did they not speak Common? Was the elf their translator, maybe? Rook had very nearly tried again in his shaky Elven when the smaller woman opened her mouth and replied. ¡°We¡¯re answering a summons from King Majesty.¡±


    Ah! Well. That tied everything up nicely, actually. The Court of Magica had dealings all across the breadth of the world, so it was no surprise they¡¯d have contact with peoples Rook had not yet personally met. That also covered how a group of such middling level got their hands on a Teleportation scroll. And clearly the bard was intended to present King Majesty with a gift of song; that was a rather canny move, Rook had to give them¨C


    Wait. Did that make sense?


    Rook furrowed his brow. No, it didn¡¯t. Teleportation scrolls were designed to connect to the closest waypoint, and there were very few populated regions of Magica that were closer to Anyport than some other waypoint. The Lands of Inchoate Horror was one, Bon Vivant was another, and then there was Fort Unfallen. All three very high level, all three completely inhospitable to people in their mid-twenties such as these. That just left¡­where did that leave? ¡°Pardon me, but where are you from?¡±This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    The leader folded her hands into her sleeves. ¡°Shinki Itten.¡±


    Shinki where? ¡°I¡¯ve never¡­¡± Rook slipped his hand under the back of his hat, distractedly rubbing at the little bald spot that had begun to form at the back of his head. ¡°I¡¯m not familiar with Shinki Itten? Is that one of the Freebooter Islands, or¡­?¡±


    ¡°Oh, let me show you!¡± The scribe began to fumble with his notes. ¡°Do you have a map handy?¡±


    Rook called out to a crew loitering by their unloaded ship, and a few moments later he and the five strangers were huddled around a map of the Eastern Sea unfurled over a large crate. ¡°So that is Magica City,¡± the scribe pointed quite unnecessarily to the city at the western terminus of the waters Rook called home, ¡°and this is us here in Anyport,¡± he dropped his finger, again quite excessively, towards the port of call near the middle of the sea. ¡°Right?¡±


    ¡°Right¡­¡± Rook squinted down at the map, his eyes scanning it for where he might have missed an entire city. ¡°But where is Shinki Itten?¡±


    The scribe shifted his finger from Anyport towards the south, indicating the blank space in existence where the Eastern Sea simply ended. ¡°In this direction, a bit past where the map ends. You¡¯re going to need more maps, I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    Rook shook his head. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to the south. Literally nothing; the ocean just hits a blank spot. I¡¯ve seen it.¡±


    For whatever reason, the bard took that as his cue to join in. ¡°Saw it, maybe. But it¡¯s not blank anymore. We¡¯ve filled in the edges of the world.¡±


    The Port Master stared at the bard for a moment, thoughtfully clicking his tongue. Then, he raised his voice once again to the nearby group of sailors. ¡°Hey! Is your lots¡¯ Navigator awake?¡± A few minutes of clamor later and a knobbly-looking old man with an impressively tangled beard wobbled his way onto the docks, the annoyance on his face evaporating when Rook flipped him a gold coin. ¡°Do a quick route for me. Three closest cities, by sea.¡±


    The Navigator paused long enough to give the coin a hard chomp, slipping it into the pouch around his neck when it seemingly met muster. Then he rolled back his head, his eyes filming over with milky whiteness as he intoned in his creaky voice. ¡°One Day, Western Searoad, Magica City. Two Days, Southern Searoad, Shinki Itten. Four Days, Eastern¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s enough; that¡¯ll do.¡± Rook waved away the already departing navigator, his mind ablaze with this new information. A new route to the South? With a new city directly connected to Anyport by that route? Dare he hope? ¡°Shinki Itten. Hm.¡± The Port Master attempted to keep his tone measured as he spoke aloud, his eyes still locked on the now-outdated map. ¡°I don¡¯t suppose you grow much fruit in Shinki Itten?¡±


    ¡°Fruit?¡± The leader shared a glance with the scribe, then shrugged. ¡°Yes? Ploms, cherries. Oranges. Yuzu. I think there¡¯s some¨C¡±


    Rook¡¯s mind was buzzing too loudly to hear anything more. Oranges. Jackpot. The Port Master was already fumbling a sheet of forms from his stack of papers, no longer caring if he was coming across as too desperate. ¡°Would you be interested at all in signing a trade agreement with Anyport?!¡±


    The group was clearly taken aback by Rook¡¯s sudden fervor, so much so that the bard inserted himself into the business dealings. ¡°Well, anything detailed would need a full vote of the council, but we could probably authorize an informal agreement with just the three¨C¡±


    ¡°Alright perfect informal¡¯s great here~!¡± The Port Master shoved the document into the hands of the woman in charge, immediately presenting them with a pen. He did his best not to wriggle with impatience as the woman conferred with her bodyguard and bard, the three of them quietly murmuring to one another as they scanned the proffered form. Then the huge guard plucked the pen from Rook¡¯s fingers, the man¡¯s anxious hopes boiling inside him as one by one, the three dog people signed the agreement.


    >City-Wide Alert: A New Trade Quest Has Been Created in Anyport<


    Rook could barely stand it as his guts churned with anticipation, the fingers on both hands crossed as the System chimed out the details of Anyport¡¯s new trade opportunity.


    >Trade Quest: Shinki Itten Oranges<


    YES fucking YES please please please~!


    >Level 20, Rewards¨C


    Aw shit.


    The dog people couldn¡¯t have possibly missed the way Rook slumped over in defeat, the bard¡¯s ears folding forward. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong? Do you not want oranges?¡±


    The Port Master couldn¡¯t resist a mirthless chuckle. ¡°I want oranges so bad. Sailors get a significant bonus at sea for each fruit they eat in a day, and oranges are the best. But they¡¯re impossible to get here.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± the leader tilted her head once again. ¡°Isn¡¯t this good, then? The quest said¨C¡±


    ¡°I know, but it doesn¡¯t matter.¡± Rook sighed again, letting the dregs of his hopes drain away. ¡°The quest is too low level; no Player is going to see it as worth the effort.¡± The man allowed a heavy dollop of disdain to drip into his voice. ¡° Anyport has two dozen Trade Quests, but apparently the Players did the math and came to the conclusion that one of them is slightly more efficient than the others. So that¡¯s the only one that ever gets fulfilled. Everything else we can only get in a tiny trickle from Magica City itself.¡±


    The scribe seemed fascinated by this revelation. ¡°Huh! Which Trade Quest is it, then?¡±


    ¡°Cheese. It¡¯s nothing but cheese, day in and day out. Wheels upon wheels upon wheels of it.¡± Rook raised his voice a final time to the nearby crew. ¡°Hey! What¡¯re you lot bringing in today?¡±


    ¡°Cheese!¡±


    ¡°Shit!¡±


    Stuffing the worthless Trade Agreement and its cruel orange-centric taunts into his pocket, Rook managed a little wave of goodbye before turning away from the visitors from Shinki Itten. Oh well. Better go work on that speech. If Rook achieved nothing else today, he¡¯d at the very least keep the Things out of his dreams tonight. And really, what had he been hoping for? It wasn¡¯t as if¨C


    ¡°So wait, do you not want us to bring you oranges?¡±


    Rook paused midstep, staring blankly at the bard. ¡°Didn¡¯t you just hear me? Players aren¡¯t going to¨C¡±


    ¡°Who said anything about Players?¡± The bard bent over the map with Rook¡¯s pen, quickly sketching out the newly formed Southern Searoad. ¡°We¡¯ve got ships. We¡¯ve got people who want to sell things. If you want to buy those things, then what¡¯s the issue?¡±


    ¡°I¨C¡± Rook blinked, unconsciously tilting his head in a mimicry of the dog peoples¡¯ gesture. ¡°Wait, you mean¡­just us? Trading?¡± When the bard nodded, Rook pressed the issue. ¡°Without a quest? Or Players? Does Shinki Itten not have a quest-based economy?¡±


    At that, the elf finally deigned to speak. ¡°From what I¡¯ve seen, Shinki Itten has precisely one quest. It¡¯s to feed some pigs. It is Level Two.¡±


    Rook absorbed that information as deeply as he could manage. ¡°Could Shinki Itten sell us some pigs?¡±


    The bard shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t see why not. Oranges too. And rice, and silk, and spirits, and¨C¡±


    Rook cut him off, his mind happily buzzing once again. ¡°Anyport is hosting a banquet tonight; please come as my honored guests.¡±


    For once, Rook didn¡¯t care if the Things came to him that night. The man finally had something that made him feel again, and from today onward it would be nothing but sweet dreams of even sweeter Oranges.

 58: Masked and Robed

    ¡°But then, then~!¡± Balanthora leaned over the table in her excitement, wine sloshing out of her goblet and over her increasingly loose grasp, ¡°Regalus Vileblood began to cast his most infamous spell, Anti-Magican Doom! But before he could weave the magics that would end the world, I seized control of the threads of his sorcery and ripped them apart!¡±


    The crowd of Anyport merchants and officials burst into appreciative applause from their tables in the crowded banquet hall, but Shin couldn¡¯t resist giving the speechifying dwarf girl¡¯s boast a bit of extra thought. ¡®Seized control of the threads of¡¯...so, what, she cast Counterspell? That¡¯s, like, a Level Two spell. Shin was entirely confident that with a basic book of magical theory and a few nights of study, he could have managed that cantrip. Hadn''t Balanthora proclaimed herself an Archmage?


    Not that he¡¯d say anything to ruin the Player¡¯s big moment; the kobold had no doubt that the rosy glow to Balanthora¡¯s cheeks was as much due to the attention she was getting from her audience as it was due to the excessive amount of wine she was downing. The dwarf had seemingly paid out the nose for her time in the glorious spotlight, and while there was something unpleasantly grasping about the girl, Shin simply didn¡¯t have it in him to rain on her time in the sun.


    Port Master Rook leaned over from his seat to Shin¡¯s left, keeping his voice low to avoid interrupting Balanthora¡¯s inebriated account of her own heroics. ¡°How are you liking the banquet?¡±


    Shin offered the man a smile and a polite bow of his head. ¡°It¡¯s quite splendid; thank you for inviting us.¡±


    ¡°Oh good. You¡¯re enjoying the food?¡±


    The kobold had to carefully consider how to answer that one. ¡°It¡¯s¡­a very rich spread. Very fitting for a hero¡¯s welcome.¡±


    Rook winced regretfully at the complaint Shin was too good-mannered to voice. ¡°Yes, well. I¡¯m sorry that the banquet is so¡­cheese-centric.¡±


    The Port Master had clearly not been exaggerating the size of the Anyport cheese trade, because the sheer breadth of coagulated milk on offer was staggering. Shin had never even had cheese before that night, but now he¡¯d been introduced to more varieties than he could hope to keep track of: Orange-gold cheese in massive wheels, delicate yellow cheese peeking coquettishly out from wrappings made of leaves, cheese as white and pliable as snow that spread beautifully with barely any application of force. There was even cheese studded with veins of dark blue that smelled so noxious that it had to be shifted to the other side of the room to accommodate the Enhanced Senses of the kobolds in attendance.


    All of these varieties, in as many shapes and sizes as existed, and it seemed that Shin and his fellow Shinki Itten natives couldn¡¯t eat any of them. Not without paying a dire price, at least. Mimasu had proven that. The other kobolds had been a bit reluctant to give curdled milk solids a try, so the exuberant scribe had been the first to dive in mouth-first. His initial report was that it tasted good, but ten minutes later he¡¯d been forced to beat a hasty retreat to the privy.


    It was almost an hour before he returned, completely drained of color and with the look of a deeply haunted man. Since then, the kobolds had stuck with the fish.


    Through it all, Balanthora¡¯s speech had continued unabated. ¡°Jus¡¯ when it seemed the Demon King might regain the upper hand, I called on my mos¡¯ powerful magics! It was like I was one with th¡¯ arcane itself!¡±


    The crowd continued to ¡®oooh¡¯ and ¡®ahhh¡¯ over the tipsy dwarf¡¯s tale of personal valor and derring-do, but her fellow Players didn¡¯t seem particularly impressed. The shield woman glanced over at her lizan companion, barely bothering to lower her voice. ¡°What was his parse, again?¡±


    ¡°You mean after factoring in that he¡¯s simultaneously pitifully underleveled and obscenely overgeared?¡± When the woman nodded, the lizan gave the matter a moment of thought. ¡°Shitty. His parse was shitty.¡±


    The woman snickered. ¡°Is that what being ¡®one with the arcane¡¯ means? I know everyone says mages are crap, but didn¡¯t realize they were being so literal.¡±


    Shin shifted in his seat, wishing once again that he and his friends had been seated a bit further away from the table of honor and the three Players. He didn¡¯t get a good feeling from any of them, particularly not these two. Particularly not the shield woman, with her calculating sneer and finger guns. But he was too close to avoid hearing what they said, and it simply wasn¡¯t in Shin¡¯s nature to resist sticking his nose in. ¡°A ¡®parse¡¯? And who do you mean?¡± He nodded his head towards the still-orating Balanthora. ¡°Her?¡±


    The two Players stared at Shin for a moment, their eyes glassy with that flat affect he¡¯d come to recognize among Players weighing their willingness to engage with him as if he was an actual person. Eventually, the woman seemed to decide that casual conservation with Shin wasn¡¯t too far below her dignity. ¡°That means he sucks at fighting. And yeah, I mean him.¡± She tsked, carving a piece off of a wheel of cheese as she narrowed an eye at the kobold. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me he¡¯s actually managed to catfish you, doggo.¡±


    Shin tilted his head at that. ¡°Catfish?¡± He glanced towards Bittercup, hoping the elf¡¯s greater experience with the ways of the world might be of use. ¡°What do fish have to do with anything?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s saying that she thinks the dwarf is actually a man.¡± Bittercup reconsidered as she poured herself another glass of wine. ¡°In the Players¡¯ world, I mean. They can look like whatever they want here.¡±


    "I don''t ''think'' shit," the woman spat. "I know."


    ¡°Spoiler Alert,¡± ¨CThe lizan hissed out a fake conspiratorial whisper¨C¡±I¡¯m not actually a lizard person. The crowd gasps!¡±


    Right. Shin still recalled the way Bex had shifted her own face during their first meeting. He¡¯d have been quite interested to tinker with whatever aspect of the System gave the Players that ability, but in the deepest parts of his heart Shin knew he couldn¡¯t be trusted with such power. If Shin had been fully in control of his own appearance, he would have absolutely been unable to resist making himself significantly taller. And a very tall Shin? Or even worse, a very tall Shh?


    The world would have never survived.


    ¡°Yeah well I am a real woman,¡± Shield grumbled, ¡°And Lil¡¯ Gimlina over there is just some dork with a pigtails fetish.¡± She abruptly hurled her hunk of cheese at Balanthora, causing the girl to choke on her words and slop wine all over herself as it splatted into her shoulder. The dwarf spun her head to stare at Shield, her eyes wide with confusion, only to be interrupted before she could stammer out either question or complaint. ¡°Hey, when are you gonna give one of us a turn, man?! We¡¯re the Saviors of Magica too, you know! Don¡¯t be an attention hog, dude! It''s not cool, my guy!¡±


    The parts of Balanthora¡¯s face not already flushed from drink quickly bloomed in embarrassed red as the dwarf dropped down into her seat, sheepishly fumbling for napkins to mop up her spill. ¡°I, um, sorry; it¡¯s your turn.¡±If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    ¡°Finally.¡± Shield huffed in continued indignation, holding her glare on Balanthora until the dwarf had sufficiently shrunken in on herself. Then she turned to Lizan, offering the reptilian man an unnecessarily grand wave of her hands. ¡°After you. I insist.¡±


    ¡°Oh if you insist.¡± The man rose from his chair, cleared his throat, and then addressed the crowd in a clear voice. ¡°I DECLINE to give a speech!¡±


    The merchants and officials immediately rewarded his non-oratory with a round of hearty applause as Lizan slipped back into his seat, returning Shield¡¯s gesture back to her. The woman smirked, snatching Rook¡¯s wine glass as she stood. ¡°Well then.¡± She lifted her pilfered cup towards the still-embarrassed Balanthora, raising her voice to a near shout. ¡°I¡¯d just like to say a few words about Balanthora, and about how much we value his contributions to the Demon King¡¯s fall!¡±


    Balanthora quickly poured herself more wine, a look of hopeful excitement flashing across her face as she anticipated the toast that was about to be given in her honor. But then, rather than say another word, Shield drained her glass, smashed it to the ground, and pressed her palms to her mouth to produce the loudest fake fart noise Shin had ever heard.


    The dwarf¡¯s face fell as the other woman¡¯s rude ovation droned on and on, the banquet crowd shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Shin shook his head, a quick glance in either direction confirming that Momo and Gero felt the same way as him. As much as he¡¯d come to experience the casual cruelties Players were capable of, the Schemer had somehow neglected to consider how cruel they could be to one another as well.


    Lesson learned.


    Shield held the noise for an astonishingly long amount of time, testament to either her lung capacity or her sheer will to be an asshole or perhaps both. When she finally relinquished her taunt, she dropped her hands to her hips and glared at the silent crowd. ¡°Well?¡± She sneered, her eyes going hard, ¡°Didn¡¯t you all like my fuckin¡¯ speech?¡±


    The Anyport natives immediately broke out into the applause that was expected of them, prompting Shield to lean over and give Balanthora a smug little pat on her arm. ¡°You hear that? Sounds like they liked my speech just as much as yours.¡±


    ¡°Um, y-yeah,¡± the dwarf managed. ¡°G-good speech.¡±


    ¡°Well then!¡± The woman shouldered her shield onto her back, glancing meaningfully over at Lizan. ¡°We¡¯re getting out of here, right?" When her comrade nodded, Shield pettily knocked another glass off of the banquet table. "Yeah, fuck this place. Let''s go."


    Balanthora blinked. ¡°Oh, um, but isn¡¯t there more? There¡¯s more ceremonies, and we¡¯re supposed to get the Key to Anyport tomorrow, and¨C¡±


    Lizan scoffed, slinking up from the table as well. ¡°Been there, done that, my guy. S¡¯boring. We¡¯re gonna skip it.¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± The dwarf¡¯s lip began to tremble. ¡°You¡¯re my ride.¡±


    Shield rolled her eyes. ¡°Then I guess you¡¯re gonna skip it too, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°But¨C¡±


    ¡°Look, we¡¯ll give you thirty minutes.¡± Shield yawned as she started off, casually allowing her shield to bump into Balanthora as she passed carelessly by. ¡°Be there or don¡¯t. We for real don¡¯t give a shit.¡±


    The lizan waggled his fingers at the downcast girl as he followed his partner. ¡°Toodles~!¡±


    Shin watched as Balanthora quietly dabbed at her wine-stained fineries, utterly silent beyond the occasional sniff. He really did not want to further involve himself with specific Players, but...he should say something, right? Say what, though? ¡®Sorry that entitled monsters are frequently unkind to their own¡¯? Somehow, the kobold doubted that would make her feel much better. It seemed much more likely to be the prelude to him getting blasted in the face with magic.


    The fact that it would apparently be an inexpertly channeled blast of magic didn''t make his decision any easier.


    Perhaps one of his companions had a better idea. He glanced hopefully over at Gero, who only offered a regretful shrug. ¡°Yeah, don¡¯t look at me. I have no idea how to best spring the reveal now.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. This sort of thing is¡­wait.¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°The ¡®reveal¡¯?¡±


    Gero nodded. ¡°Yeah. I mean she''s all sad now, and-" When she noticed Shin was still tilting his head at her, the warrior tilted her head back. ¡°You know. The reveal about Balanthora?¡±


    Shin was afraid that if he tilted his head any further, he¡¯d snap his own neck. ¡°We were going to do a reveal on her?¡±


    ¡°Um, I figured? You weren¡¯t going to?¡± Shin¡¯s blank gaze began to sink in for Gero. ¡°Wait. You mean¡­you don¡¯t know?¡± Shin could only shake his head, prompting Gero to quirk her ears forward. ¡°For real? You really don¡¯t know.¡±


    Shin pressed his hand to his heart. ¡°Gero, I have absolutely no idea what you¡¯re talking about.¡± The Schemer turned towards Momo, Mimasu and Bittercup in turn, seeking out their input. ¡°Do any of you?¡±


    When all of her other companions had indicated they didn¡¯t, Gero leaned back in her seat. ¡°Huh.¡± An almost giddy look crossed the woman¡¯s face. ¡°I figured it out, and Shin didn¡¯t. That¡¯s really embarrassing for you.¡±


    ¡°Gero¡­¡±


    ¡°No, Shin, this is a problem!¡± Gero grinned at the other kobold, her tail whipping around with such glee that it ran the risk of smashing her chair¡¯s legs into kindling. ¡°If I¡¯m the muscle and the brains, then what the hell are you supposed to do?¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist a smile, unable to stop himself from indulging Gero¡¯s gloats. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll just have to sit here and look pretty until you deign to grace us all with your brilliant deductions.¡±


    ¡°Hm, that works.¡± Gero gave Shin a weighing look, her tail still a frenzied dervish. ¡°Okay, yeah. You just handle the smiles, and I¡¯ll take care of the Scheming from now on.¡±


    Momo pursed her lips. ¡°Are you two done? Can we move this along?¡±


    Gero made a show of considering that before casting an imperious look down at Shin. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. Can we?¡±


    Shin fluttered his eyelashes as coquettishly as he could manage, leaning forward to drape his hand over Gero¡¯s. ¡°Please?¡±


    At that Gero quickly coughed, lifting her hand before her mouth slightly too late to hide her flush. ¡°Right, well, I mean. It¡¯s really not that impressive, but¡­¡± She raised her eyebrows at Momo and Shin. ¡°You two remember the logbook we found in the elven waystation, right?¡±


    Bittercup interjected. ¡°You mean the waystation that you burned to the ground, after killing a bunch of my people?¡±


    Gero nodded. ¡°Yes, that waystation.¡±


    ¡°Okay, just checking.¡± Bittercup took another sip from her goblet. ¡°Carry on.¡±


    Momo hesitantly spoke up, her ears flattening slightly as she did best to recall those early days. ¡°You mean the one that was full of bad poetry?¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t just poetry though?¡± Gero peered sidelong at the still-despondent dwarf. ¡°Don¡¯t you remember? It also had the names of the last two Players to pass through the zone.¡±


    Shin furrowed his brow. ¡°Right. Leathers and Robes. But those weren¡¯t their actual names. Leathers was¡­something about Ass Blasting. And Robes was¨C¡±


    Momo gasped. ¡°Balanthor. Robes was Balanthor.¡±


    Gero beamed in triumph as her revelation was finally revealed, Mimasu offering a quiet whistle as he shuffled to the beginning of his notes. ¡°That can¡¯t be a common name, right?¡± He eventually found what he was looking for, shaking his head in amazement. ¡°Wow. A young dwarf girl. Leathers even got the part about pigtails right.¡±


    Shin stared at Mimasu for a moment, allowing all of this information to sink in. So the sad dwarf girl seated just a few places away from him right now was originally one of the two No Ones who directly brought about the mongrels¡¯ ascent from the bottom of Magica¡¯s barrel to the rarified position they now held. What were the chances?


    And more importantly, what was he going to do about it?

 59. Why Does the Cutie Dwarf Cry?

    Context is everything.


    The trio of Shin, Gero and Momo had, to this point, met the Player currently known as Balanthora twice. And while it seemed likely that, outward appearances aside, the dwarf was fairly close to the same person then as now, the kobold trio was changed in nearly every aspect. Before, they were simply small pups cowering in a bush, desperately hoping to avoid notice from a pair of impossible Gods playing their cruel games. Now? Now they were masters of their own civilization and their own destinies, equal in dignity to any in Magica, and Shin couldn¡¯t help but feel a pang of sympathy for the glum girl being forced to abandon her own celebration.


    Just a pang, though. Shin empathized, no question. But only to the extent that would make it even easier to make use of the dwarf.


    ¡°Hey.¡± Balanthora slowly turned to glance over her shoulder, peering morosely up at the Schemer. ¡°They shouldn¡¯t be so mean to you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, heh.¡± The girl waved off the kobold¡¯s sympathy, feebly attempting a cavalier grin. ¡°It¡¯s all in good fun. They¡¯re just hazing me before inviting me to join Gladius.¡±


    Bittercup hummed in recognition, pushing aside her empty wine glass. ¡°Gladius? That¡¯s some big guild, right?¡±


    ¡°Um, yes? It¡¯s the big guild?!¡± Balanthora rummaged around in her bag and produced a pitch black scarf, stretching it out to display the words ¡®GLADIIS MAGICA FUTATRIX¡¯ etched across it in gold leaf. ¡°See? They¡¯re awesome.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s nice,¡± Momo offered, somehow managing to not sound condescending. ¡°Did they give that to you?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The scarf dipped as Balanthora¡¯s arms sagged. ¡°Um, no. I bought it from their store. It was very expensive.¡±


    Shin flattened his ears reproachfully. ¡°Why would you want to spend more time around people who treat you so poorly? I have no idea why that shield woman is so hostile to you.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Mimasu raised his eyebrows at that. ¡°She made it quite clear, didn¡¯t she?¡± The scribe flipped back a page in his notes, nodding at what he saw. ¡°Yes, she said you were ¡®catfishing us¡¯ and ¡®just had a pigtails fetish¡¯.¡±


    Balanthora clenched her fists, reflexively responding before she could consider her words. ¡°I don¡¯t have a fetish, I just¨C!¡± She almost immediately seemed to regret her outburst, slumping in on herself and switching to a much quieter tone as she slipped into what sounded like a practiced response. ¡°I mean, I know it¡¯s not real, I just think, you know, if I¡¯m gonna be playing this game for hours and hours, I should get to look at something cute, right? That''s not weird.¡±


    ¡°Look at?¡± Mimasu twitched his ears in confusion. ¡°You mean, if you happen to pass by a mirror or something?¡±


    ¡°Um, yes.¡± The dwarf was sticking to her story. ¡°You know Kingdoms of Magica. It¡¯s stuffed with mirrors.¡±


    She seemed relieved when Shin responded to her flimsy line with an amiable nod. ¡°Sure, that makes sense,¡± the kobold agreed, a bit of tension visibly slipping from Balanthora¡¯s shoulders. ¡°I guess some people just don¡¯t understand though, right? Your friend from the free trial probably doesn¡¯t either.¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡± the dwarf laughed, a loud snort rumbling through her chuckle. ¡°Sean? Jesus, if he saw me like this I¡¯d never live it down; it¡¯s definitely for the best that we¡­¡± Balanthora trailed off, her chunky eyebrows furrowing. ¡°Uh. How do you know about Se¨C¡± She swallowed her last word, flushing as she tried again. ¡°How do you know about Mazter Azzblazter?¡±


    Shin adopted the most innocent expression he could manage. ¡°You mean, how did we know about the time you came within a hair¡¯s breadth of being party to him trying to kill a Quest Giver?¡± The Schemer waited for Balanthora to feebly nod before continuing on. ¡°Well, I guess there¡¯s no reason not to tell you. We know because we were there, and we saw it happen.¡±


    ¡°What? No, no you weren¡¯t.¡± The Player vehemently shook her head. ¡°There¡¯s nothing in that zone besides that old guy, some crappy old fortress and a bunch of little dog¡­¡± Balanthora¡¯s eyes went wide as she put two and two together. ¡°...Little dog people. Are you guys mongrels?!¡±


    Momo folded her hands into her sleeves, striking her most imperious pose. ¡°Kobolds, thank you very much. But we were mongrels then, yes. And we were there.¡±


    The Player lurched forward, a new gleam in her eyes. ¡°Then you also know what happened, right? You saw what happened to Sean?!¡± The prospect must have excited Balanthora, because she was seemingly no longer concerned about giving away personal details. ¡°I know something killed him, but he wouldn¡¯t say what. I figured it had to be another Player or something, but then why wouldn¡¯t he just say that it was¨C¡±


    ¡°It was us,¡± Gero interjected. ¡°We killed him.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The dwarf gave the warrior¡¯s towering form a thoughtful once over. ¡°I guess that makes sense then. I still don¡¯t get why he was so embarrassed though. Look at you; you look like you should be on KoM¡¯s box art or something.¡±


    As Gero puffed up over the compliment she didn¡¯t entirely understand, Shin shook his head. ¡°No, no. We didn¡¯t fight him like we are now. To be specific, it was killing him that allowed us to become like we are now.¡±


    Balanthora took a long moment to process that. ¡°So...you¡¯re saying you killed him when you were still mongrels.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Correct.¡±


    ¡°He was a Level Ten Player and he died to three mongrels.¡±


    ¡°Still correct.¡±


    The dwarf burst into laughter at that, her previous melancholy completely forgotten as she snorted uncontrollably. ¡°Omigod, that is amazing! Big Mister Gamer, can¡¯t handle starter zone mobs. ''Oh I''m Sean look at meee~, I could be a pro if being a tryhard wasn''t lame''! Oooo I can¡¯t wait to¨C¡± She cut herself off, a bit of the old gloom seeping back into her expression. ¡°...well, maybe not. I mean, we don¡¯t really talk anymore. Walks right by me at the restaurant, doesn¡¯t say a word.¡± She let out a heavy sigh. ¡°Which is fine, I mean, I sorta didn¡¯t like who I was when he was around and he never really got me, but it was nice having someone to¨C¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    Balanthora blinked, shooting the kobolds and elf an embarrassed look. ¡°Um, sorry. My life is sorta complicated right now. I¡¯m¡­going through stuff. I was trying to distract myself with this questline, but that¡¯s clearly gone to shit.¡±


    Shin managed a small smile. ¡°Hey, we get it. Life is tough.¡±


    ¡°Right?¡± The Player gave Shin a hopeful smile of her own. ¡°So, um, you said you saw the whole thing, right?¡± When the kobold nodded, she hurried on. ¡°So you know I tried to talk him out of attacking that Quest Giver! Right?¡±


    ¡°Hmm.¡± Momo considered that. ¡°Well, I guess? Though you were pretty sharp with him. One might almost think that you egged him on.¡±


    ¡°What! No, no!¡± Balanthora waved her hands emphatically. ¡°That¡¯s usually the only way to make him listen! I really didn¡¯t want anything to do with it!¡±


    ¡°Hey look, we believe you,¡± Shin assured the increasingly panicked girl. ¡°But you have to know it looked bad, right? Someone else who didn¡¯t have all the context could have seen that situation and made the worst possible assumptions.¡±


    The dwarf groaned. ¡°Ugh I know. I was so sure that a Mod or a Shed or something was gonna read the logs and I was gonna get flagged. The only reason I didn¡¯t s¡¯probably because the Quest Giver didn¡¯t actually get killed. But fuck, those logs are still out there you know? A Mod could still read them, and then I¡¯d be¡­¡±


    Balanthora seemed to be in the habit of not realizing precisely what she was saying until she¡¯d already said it.


    She sheepishly tapped her fingers together, unable to bring herself to meet anyone¡¯s eyes. ¡°Um. You¡­won¡¯t tell on me, right?¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°¡®Tell on you¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, um, like to a Mod or whatever.¡± The Player swallowed. ¡°And get me Red Flagged?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± Shin met the eyes of his companions one by one, each making a show of their magnanimity. ¡°No, we won¡¯t report you. It seems like you¡¯ve got enough on your plate right now.¡±


    ¡°Omigod thank you.¡± Balanthora let out her held breath in a shuddering gust, relief blooming across her face. ¡°Let me repay you; I¡¯ve, um, got gold?¡± She began to rummage around in her bag. ¡°Do you guys use gold?¡±


    Momo tutted, shaking her head. ¡°There¡¯s no need for that. Kindness can¡¯t be bought or sold. You can only accept it, and then return it to the world.¡±


    ¡°Oh cool that¡¯s deep as shit.¡± The Player hopped up from her chair, her pink pigtails wobbling as she grinned in newfound exuberance. ¡°Well then hey, you¡¯re going to Magica City, right? You should ride with me! I¡¯m paying for all the berths, so there¡¯s lots of space. And it¡¯ll be a lot faster than using Anyport¡¯s ferry!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re paying for all the berths?¡± Bittercup did some quick math, apparently making her best guess as to the costs of Balanthora¡¯s trip. Whatever sum she decided on, it was clearly obscene. ¡°Why? Is it just some sort of wealth-flaunting power move?¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, no? I actually had to pay for all the empty spots when I commissioned this raid?¡± Balanthora self-consciously wound one of her pigtails around her hand. ¡°The Gladius website suggested going in on it with friends, and I have lots of friends, but, um, everyone was super busy, so I just¨C¡±


    Woof, better move this along before the poor girl offers up even more tragic details of her life. ¡°Thank you very much; of course we accept.¡± The Schemer perked his ears up in sudden realization. ¡°Oh, you know, we¡¯ve been talking all this time and we never once bothered to introduce ourselves. I¡¯m Shin,¡± ¨CHe began indicating his companions one by one¨C¡±And this is Gero, Momo, Mimasu and Bittercup.¡±


    ¡°Um, hello!¡± The Player waved, a bit awkward but clearly pleased. ¡°I¡¯m Archmage Balanthora Bellisi Ironflower.¡±


    Bittercup cracked a grin. ¡°That¡¯s a lot. Are we supposed to call you all of that, every time?¡±


    Gero made a noise of agreement before the Player could respond. ¡°Absolutely not. She needs a nickname.¡±


    ¡°But what, is the question,¡± Momo mused. ¡°¡®Bal¡¯¡¯s no good. And I don¡¯t think she¡¯s a ¡®Thora¡¯.¡±


    The dwarf finally managed to speak up, her face seeping with color. ¡°Oh, um, you know, guys don¡¯t really have too¡­with the ¡®she¡¯, I know I¡¯m not...I mean, the whole pronouns situation; if it¡¯s weird or awkward or whatever we can totally just¨C¡±


    Shin raised his voice. ¡°Would you prefer we didn¡¯t?¡±


    Balanthora swallowed. ¡°Well, I¡¯d¡­I mean, in the real world I¡¯m¨C¡±


    ¡°This is the real world. To us, at least, and it should be that way for everyone who comes here. If this is who you say you are, then I don¡¯t see any valid reason to argue against it.¡± Shin gave Balanthora a pointed look. ¡°Is this who you are?¡±


    The Player didn¡¯t seem to be able to respond. Verbally, at least. It might have been a trick of the eye, but Shin thought he saw the dwarf make the smallest nod of her head that a mortal neck could manage. So he went in for the kill. ¡°How about ¡®Ann? It¡¯s not perfect, but don¡¯t you guys think she looks like an ¡®Ann¡¯?¡±


    The murmurs of agreement from Shin¡¯s companions nearly masked the dwarf¡¯s sharp intake of breath, something fizzling behind her eyes. When she finally spoke, there was a distant quality to her voice. ¡°My, um, real name is Anthony. ¡®Balanthora¡¯¡¯s sort of got ¡®Anthony¡¯ in it, that¡¯s where I¡­anyway. I always kinda thought that Ann would maybe be an easy switch if I, um¡­you know, if I was going to really go through with¡­¡±


    Momo smiled beatifically, extending a hand towards the dwarf. ¡°It¡¯s perfect. Now why don¡¯t you show us to your ship, Ann?¡±


    The Player was beaming brightly enough to put the sun to shame as she shouldered her bag, happily waving for her new companions to follow her out to the docks. Shin allowed the others to pass him by, taking up the rear position as he pondered whether or not he should feel bad about this particular manipulation. Ann possessed one of the biggest and most obvious buttons he¡¯d ever seen, and the Schemer had certainly not shrunk from pressing it. And sure, there was no question it had brightened the girl¡¯s mood, but Shin knew in the coldest corner of his heart that his ultimate goal hadn¡¯t been making a friend. It was collecting another tool.


    Eh. Maybe it was morally lazy of him, but Shin decided to absolve himself of any guilt for this one. He hadn¡¯t really known Balanthora for very long, but it was painfully obvious that she was a dyed in the wool Follower. There was a void somewhere inside the Player, and she was desperate to fill it with some stronger personality that might one day grace her with a pat on the head. And judging by her associations with Leathers and those Gladius jerks, she was clearly drawn inexorably towards assholes.


    Well. Honey attracts flies just as well as an asshole can, and everyone ends up with significantly less shit to deal with. See? Both were manipulations, but the context is what matters. That was all the moral high ground Shin needed to milk this hapless Player of everything he could manage.

 60. On the High Seas

    The VI Victrix was a singularly unpleasant ship.


    This was not one of the scrappy little hobgoblin fishing boats or graceful kobold trade barges Shin had always enjoyed watching from the Shinki Itten docks. This ship was a predator. Over a hundred feet long and easily half as wide, the black-lacquered galleon looked like nothing so much as the head of some gargantuan sea monster, silently scything its way through tyrannized waters in search of prey. Its hull bristled with batteries of cannon that were clearly well-used even to Shin¡¯s untrained eyes, and rather than a fanciful statue or figurehead its prow was fixed with a massive ramming blade. Nothing about the Victrix said ¡®Comfort¡¯, or ¡®Beauty¡¯, or ¡®Welcome¡¯. She was all ¡°Severe¡¯, ¡®Intimidation¡¯, and ¡®Dominance¡¯.


    The people on the boat didn¡¯t help matters much either. Ann was as eager to please as always, but Shield and Lizan quickly made it clear that they were taking on the Shinki Itten contingent against their will. And the horde of taciturn gray-skinned gnomes who actually crewed the ship treated the kobolds as if they didn¡¯t even exist. It was a good thing that taking a Player-owned ship would get them to Magica City quickly, because Shin knew that their time on the Victrix would not be particularly pleasant.


    She was also the biggest ship he had ever seen, though. So the matter was something of a wash.


    Ann was completely oblivious to her guests¡¯ discomfort, however, a wide grin plastered onto her face and her pastel pigtails whipping in the wind as she regaled them with the facts of their journey. ¡°¨Ccan actually do a full circuit from Magica City to Bon Vivant and back in less than five days! The only ship faster than a Gladius ship-of-the-line in the entire world is the Gallimand, you know?¡±


    Gero scowled down at one of the gnomish sailors as he brusquely elbowed his way past her, the warrior tuning in to Balanthora¡¯s ramblings even if only to distract her from throwing the crew overboard. ¡°Gallimand? What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you didn¡¯t hear?!¡± Ann threw her hands out excitedly. ¡°That¡¯s the ship that sailed the entire breadth of the Ancient Ocean! It¡¯s the only vessel to ever follow the Edge around the entire world!¡±


    The Edge. Shin¡¯s ears perked up even as a shiver ran down his spine. Sky Voice and Empty Voice had said something about the Edge. ¡°What¡¯s the Edge?¡±


    The dwarf blinked. ¡°Huh? Oh. The Edge of the World? Like, where Magica ends.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°What do you mean, ¡®where Magica ends¡¯?¡±


    ¡°I mean¡­¡± Ann gave it a moment of thought. ¡°Well, uh, I mean it¡¯s where the world ends. About a day¡¯s distance from Bon Vivant the ocean falls off the side of the world into empty space.¡±


    ¡°The side of the¡­¡± Shin shot a bewildered look at Bittercup, who¡¯s unconcerned shrug seemed to indicate that this wasn¡¯t new information for her. ¡°Are you telling me that Magica is flat?¡±


    Ann pulled hesitantly at one of her pigtails. ¡°Um, yeah?¡±


    ¡°Magica isn¡¯t flat.¡± Shin shook his head firmly. ¡°No way.¡±


    A derisive snort was the first indication that Shield and Lizan had apparently decided to join the conversation. ¡°What do you mean it¡¯s not flat?¡± Shield cocked an eyebrow at Shin, peering disdainfully down her nose at the kobold. ¡°Of course it is. I¡¯ve been to the Edge.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve even jumped off of it,¡± Lizan offered. ¡°I¡¯d just joined the guild, and Dark Grist told me I¡¯d get an achievement, the lying prick. What actually happened is I fell for like half an hour and then died.¡±


    ¡°Okay, well, it¡¯s not flat, though.¡± Shin wasn¡¯t going to be moved from this position. ¡°I know it isn¡¯t.¡±


    Shield snorted again, glancing over her shoulder to shoot Lizan a look of dark bemusement. ¡°He ¡®knows¡¯ it isn¡¯t! Well then, doggo, how do you know that?¡±


    Shin folded his arms, frowning as he gave the matter a moment of thought. ¡°...Well, the world casts a round shadow on the moon during an eclipse, for one. And the stars are in different positions here than they are in Shinki Itten. That wouldn¡¯t happen if the world was flat.¡±


    Shield tsked. ¡°You don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. Magica doesn¡¯t have a moon or stars, it has a skybox. As if Mundi is going to program a fucking solar system. Those aren¡¯t real celestial bodies, they¡¯re just drawings plastered on the roof of Magica like a mile in the air.¡±


    Really? Shin wasn¡¯t thrilled by this revelation, but he wasn¡¯t entirely convinced either. ¡°Okay, well¡­how about this?¡± The Schemer pointed back in the direction of Anyport, the highest spire of the harbor city still barely visible over the horizon. ¡°If Magica was really flat, Anyport wouldn¡¯t sink below the horizon like that. Right? It would just get smaller and smaller as we sailed further away.¡± Shin pounded his fist into his palm, more sure now than ever. ¡°But the world is curved, so it¡¯s vanishing from the bottom-up. Right?¡±


    The two Players fell silent at that, forced to mull over the kobold¡¯s reasoning. At length, Lizan spoke up. ¡°Okay, well, you¡¯ve got a point. But Magica does have an Edge. Again, we¡¯ve all seen it. But maybe we¡¯re both right?¡± He shrugged. ¡°I mean, it could be a dome, right? Like, a globe that¡¯s been cut in half or something?¡±


    ¡°Look it doesn¡¯t matter, okay?¡± Shield¡¯s mood had clearly taken a foul turn. ¡°Trying to logically explain Magica is a fucking waste of time. Okay? The world is flat, but doesn¡¯t act like it¡¯s flat, because Mundi is a bullshit company. They¡¯re lazy. They made the world flat but didn¡¯t bother researching any of the practical effects that would actually have on a place.¡± She reached out to give Shin a sharp prod in the shoulder. ¡°I guarantee that in the last two minutes you¡¯ve given this matter five times as much thought as anyone on the devteam ever did.¡±


    Lizan snickered. ¡°Too true. They just first thought/best thought everything and then trust that those no-lifers who update the KoM OmniPedia pages will tie together some sort of cogent story from the scraps.¡±


    Shield sighed. ¡°Jesus, right? Just another reason I pray every fuckin¡¯ day that beta invite is gonna appear in the ol¡¯ inbox. Assault games don¡¯t even pretend to mess around with all this half-assed story shit.¡±


    Ann let out a thrilled gasp at that. ¡°Wait, you got a beta key for Assault on Outer Worlds 2?! Omigod, that¡¯s so¨C¡±


    ¡°Are those pigtails cutting off the oxygen to your brain?¡± Shield asked the quickly-chagrined dwarf. ¡°I just said I was waiting for beta access. If I had beta access, do you really think I¡¯d be here selling carries to scrubs?¡±


    ¡°Um,¡± Ann quickly averted her eyes, pulling at her pigtail again. ¡°No. Probably not.¡±


    As much as it went against his better judgment to continue engaging with these unfriendly Players, Shin couldn¡¯t resist the question. ¡°What¡¯s Assault on whatever?¡±


    Lizan shrugged. ¡°That¡¯s Mundi¡¯s next big game. That series is more of an action thing than an actual VRMMO; not really my thing.


    ¡°Hey, it¡¯s my turn to ask a question.¡± Shield stepped in front of Shin, giving the Schemer a probing look. ¡°Are you a quest giver?¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears folded slightly. ¡°No?¡±


    ¡°Flight Master?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Respec vendor?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what that is.¡±You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shield processed that for a moment. ¡°Then why do I keep getting a warning screen whenever I try to flag on you?¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears shot forward. ¡°Whenever you try to what?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it keeps warning me that I¡¯m going to lose Karma. What¡¯s the deal with that, are you part of some¡­¡± The Player trailed off as she realized all three kobolds had affixed her with a flat stare, their tails high and still and their ears stiffened. ¡°What. What?¡± She tsked again. ¡°Oh don¡¯t be such babies; I wasn¡¯t gonna do anything. Probably.¡±


    The kobolds held their stare for a moment longer, and then Shin slowly began to lower his tail. Gero and Momo reluctantly followed suit as the Schemer carefully brushed off the sleeves of his robe, carefully reordering his thoughts. ¡°We¡¯ve been summoned by King Majesty. That is probably why.¡±


    ¡°Ah yeah, that¡¯d do it. Well whatever.¡± With that, she turned away, returning to her conversation with Lizan as if nothing had happened. ¡°So yeah anyway, with Eturabo benched I¡¯m definitely the top tanker outside of the Legendaries, so¨C¡±


    ¡°Um, sorry about them.¡± Ann offered, though Shin didn¡¯t miss that the dwarf kept her voice low. Didn¡¯t want the other Players to hear her apologizing for them, did she? Well, that was alright. A river couldn¡¯t change its course overnight, and it would simply be expecting too much of the girl to think she could stop trying to please everybody after a single confidence-boost. So instead, he offered the girl an amiable shrug and she happily changed the conversation. ¡°Oh, look over there! Look!¡±


    She was pointing over the side of the boat, though there didn¡¯t seem to be a ship nearby. It took Shin a moment to realize she was indicating an ominously large shadow gliding in tandem with the Victrix, even longer than the large vessel and effortlessly keeping pace. ¡°Goddess!¡± Momo gasped, taking a step backwards. ¡°What is that?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a Dragon Koi!¡± Ann enthused. ¡°The biggest fish in all of Magica!¡±


    The biggest fish in all of Magica. Shin suddenly didn¡¯t care that he was stuck on a frightening ship with two frightening Players. It was all worth it. The biggest fish in all of Magica. Could there possibly be anything better?


    Bittercup didn¡¯t seem quite as enchanted with the situation. ¡°Is it going to attack us? I¡¯ve never fired a cannon before but I am a motivated learner.¡±


    Ann quickly shook her head. ¡°Oh, no way! Dragon Koi are actually, like, super intelligent and spiritual and stuff.¡± The dwarf puffed out her chest. ¡°It probably knows that I¡¯m bringing the Head of the Demon King back to Magica City! It¡¯s like an honor escort send from¨C¡±


    ¡°Uh yeah, duh,¡± Shield interjected. ¡°Of course that¡¯s what it is. Because that¡¯s what¡¯s scripted to happen. It¡¯s not even a real Dragon Koi, you dummy; it¡¯s just a shadow to make it look like one¡¯s there. It¡¯s just another confidence stroke off from this stupid on-rails questline.¡±


    It might have been the way the excitement drained from Ann¡¯s crestfallen face. It might have been her cruel revelation that the biggest fish in the world was a mere parlor trick. It might have just been that Shin had reached his limit of the Player¡¯s vitriol. Whatever the reason, Shin decided that that was enough.


    Shin smiled sweetly at Gero. ¡°Well I know I¡¯m starting to get hungry. Should we eat? Let¡¯s eat.¡± The kobold turned his guileless smile onto Shield, effortlessly masking his cold rage. ¡°Won¡¯t you join us? It¡¯s the least we could do for our hosts.¡±


    ¡°Huh, yeah, ¡®least you could do¡¯ is right.¡± Shield huffed. ¡°What did you even pack, doggo? Kibble? Socks? Some dumb kids homework?¡±


    ¡°Nah, you gotta factor in their whole vibe as well as Mundi¡¯s casual racism,¡± Lizan offered. ¡°It¡¯s probably like the food in Hijiki. So, you know, shitty California Rolls and sugar-slopped chicken and whatever.¡±


    Gero scowled as she produced a large wooden box from the package, still warm to the touch. ¡°I don¡¯t know what any of that means, but I¡¯m eating both of your shares.¡±


    Lizan took an investigative sniff, his fin-like ear protrusions fanning out in interest. ¡°Oh don¡¯t be so sensitive; whatcha got there?¡± He let out a surprised oooo when Gero opened the box to reveal row upon row of glistening dumplings, each as flawless and beautiful as the rarest gem. ¡°Fuck, those look¡­¡± He took another sniff, shivering. ¡°Do you have a Grandmaster Chef or something?¡±


    Momo adopted a haughty tone. ¡°Two of them, actually. But these were made by a Pinnacle Master.¡±


    Ann gasped. ¡°What, really? Yasmar?¡± Shin nodded, and the dwarf gasped again. ¡°Omigod I know them! They¡¯re¨C¡± She cut herself off, a sheepish cast to her eyes. ¡°Erm, sorry; I need to be more careful with personal information. Um, can I try one?¡±


    Gero proffered the box, and Ann immediately reached out and popped one of the dumplings in her mouth. Shield watched intently as the other girl all but melted into a delighted puddle, the normally scornful Player unable to keep up her surly demeanor. ¡°It¡¯s that good?¡± When the dwarf finally managed a shaky nod, Shield plopped down onto the deck. ¡°Well shit, doggos, let¡¯s get to it then!¡±


    With that, the group arranged themselves into a ring around the box of dumplings and began tucking in, an air of something bordering on congeniality settling over them. Ann seemed practically beside herself with glee, over the moon at the apparent comradery between both groups she was desperate to ingratiate herself with. But Shin¡¯s companions knew better. Something, without question, was up.


    No need to rush right to the finale, however. Shin rummaged around in his own bag for a moment, eventually producing a tightly stoppered jug. ¡°Sake?¡±


    ¡°Um, yes?!¡± Shield grinned widely as she snagged the cup Shin offered, her smile only spreading as he filled it up to the brim with crystal clear liquor. ¡°Who knew you were such a good idea machine, doggo? You should have just started with this.¡± She knocked the drink back, letting out a keening gasp of satisfaction before waggling her now-empty cup towards Shin. ¡°Again, if you please!¡±


    Shin did in fact please, and soon everyone was well into their cups. Though a careful observer might have noticed that for every one cup Bittercup or a kobold received, the Players were poured three. And Shin hadn¡¯t yet sipped his way through an entire cup. The combination of good food, ocean sun and the finest spirits Moots could offer inexorably worked its magic, and it wasn¡¯t long before the Players were good and drunk.


    And now for the turn.


    Shield blinked woozily as Shin produced a large jar from his bag, her eyes attempting to focus as he carefully uncorked the top to reveal a dark red, nearly black paste. ¡°Wassat?¡± She slurred, watching intently as Shin dipped one of the dumplings into the sauce. ¡°¡®Z¡¯at good?¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin made as if he was popping the dumpling into his mouth, deftly palming the morsel instead. He pantomimed chewing for a moment, making a show of deep relish before responding. ¡°Yes. Very good. But you don¡¯t want it.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Shield protested, one eye narrowing woozily. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°This,¡± ¨CThe Schemer patted the innocuous jar¨C¡±Is Twelve Generation Pepper Paste. It¡¯s made from peppers hot enough to digest a dragon from the inside out. It¡¯s been fermenting since before my grandmother¡¯s grandmother was born. It¡¯s too spicy for you.¡±


    Shield huffed at that, accidentally sloshing sake all over herself. ¡°Oh yeah?! I¡¯ll tell you what¡¯s too spicy fer me! Nothin¡¯! That s¡¯what!¡±


    Ann giggled at that, hiccuping uncontrollably as Lizan roared with laughter at his comrade¡¯s non-joke. ¡°You tell ¡®em!¡±


    Shin tutted, though he pointedly didn¡¯t pull the jar out of Shield¡¯s groping reach. ¡°Really, I think you should¨C¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡± Shield clumsily snatched up the jar, sticking out her tongue as she clutched the condiment jealously to her chest. ¡°S¡¯mine now! I¡¯m gonna eat it!¡±


    Shin sighed in supremely fake reluctance, inwardly shrieking in delight as Shield dunked a dumpling nearly up to her wrist into the hobgoblin delicacy. ¡°Well, don¡¯t say I didn¡¯t warn you.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯ll warn you, doggo.¡± She popped the completely smothered dumpling into her mouth, chewing loudly before swallowing it down with an exaggerated ahh. ¡°See?¡± She boasted, already dunking a second dumpling into the jar, ¡°S¡¯no big deal!¡±


    To Shin¡¯s intense joy, Shield managed to pop the second sauce-covered dumpling into her mouth before the dreadful heat of the first one finally exploded through her drink-addled nerve endings. For a moment she sat very still, mid-chew as a flush as red as magma erupted up from her neck to tinge her entire face. Then she burst up from the deck, an ungodly noise of primal distress wrenching its way from her throat as the Twelve Generation Pepper Paste worked its terrible magic.


    Ann looked concerned, but Lizan found the immediate punishment of his comrade¡¯s hubris hilarious. ¡°Ha, wassamatter?! Too hot fer ya?¡± He frowned drunkenly as Shield gave no response other than to continue flailing madly. ¡°I said, too hot fer¨C¡±


    Lizan¡¯s taunt trailed away as Shield stumbled blindly across the deck and collided with the ship¡¯s railing, tumbling bonelessly over the side and down into the ocean below. The Player swore as his counterpart vanished, staggering to his feet and calling out to the crew even as the kobolds crowded starboard to peer down at Shield. ¡°Woman overboard!¡± Lizan roared. ¡°Gotta get the¨C¡±


    Momo cut him off, managing the good grace to sound apologetic. ¡°Er, too late I think.¡±


    ¡°Eh?!¡± Lizan stomped over to join the rest of the group, his eyes blearily squinting down at Shield thrashing about in the water. ¡°S¡¯not too late! She¡¯ll tread water ¡®til¨C¡±


    ¡°Until,¡± Momo started, pointing towards the enormous shadow that was all but on top of Shield. The Player sputtered in the water, the shadow shifted slightly, and then in a flash of startlingly beautiful gold and green Shield was swallowed in a single gulp by the Biggest fish in the world. ¡°Until that, I think.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Lizan lowered his arms, a blank expression on his face. ¡°Um. Right.¡±


    Did Shin say he thought his time about the VI Victrix would be unpleasant? How short-sighted of him. Shin loved this boat.

 61. The Most Earthly Place on Magica, Part One

    Shin didn¡¯t pretend that he knew what awaited him in Magica City. He¡¯d been told plenty of times about how different things were at the heart of the Destined Path from his little Procedural corner of the world, of course. But actual details had been curiously sparse. Though really, how different could it be? Shinki Itten was a city, Magica City was a city. People lived in both places, worked in both places, and dreamed in both places. Right? Wasn¡¯t everything else just window dressing?


    Whatever the kobold expected, however, the night sky evaporating into the cheery glare of noon the moment the tip of Magica City¡¯s tallest spire appeared over the horizon was not it.


    Bittercup clucked her tongue regretfully as the kobolds rubbed at their eyes, the unsuspecting pups momentarily blinded by the sudden influx of light. ¡°Oh right, sorry. I should have mentioned this. Magica City Fact Number One: It¡¯s never night in Magica City.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Momo balked, squinting bleary-eyed at the elf. ¡°It¡¯s never night? How? Why?¡±


    ¡°Well I¡¯m sure I don¡¯t know how,¡± Bittercup grimaced, ¡°But as to why? King Glandem said it was so Players would lose track of time. Apparently a massive percentage of Players never go anywhere besides Magica City, and the moderators want them active and engaged for every second they¡¯re there.¡±


    Shin tilted his head slightly, letting this new information sink in. If it was always daytime in Magica City¡­when did people sleep? Just whenever they were tired? Or in rotation shifts or something? Shin now knew one thing about Magica City, and it was already enough to haunt his waking thoughts. Fortunately for the Schemer, his feverish musings were interrupted when Ann pointed at something over the starboard railing, huffing in annoyance. ¡°Aw man, the Seahemoth is already down!¡±


    The dwarf seemed to be indicating the large group of ships gathered off in the distance. With the aid of some strategic squinting, though, Shin was able to make out some sort of massive tentacled form writhing its death throes amidst the hulls and prows. ¡°That¡¯s good though, right?¡± Shin hesitantly offered. ¡°A giant monster like that was probably dangerous for anyone sailing out of the city?¡±


    ¡°Eh? No, no.¡± Ann shook her head. ¡°It¡¯s a World Boss so it can¡¯t really leave its area. And it¡¯ll be up again in like an hour anyway, soo¡­¡± She turned around to shoot Lizan a hopeful look. ¡°Maybe we could stick around and¨C¡±


    The other Player wasn¡¯t having it, however. He interrupted the call he was taking through a prompt screen just long enough to scowl down at Balanthora. ¡°Not a chance; I¡¯m dropping you lot off and turning right back around. I¡¯m on the line with guild brass, trying to figure out how to get all of Pilar¡¯s stuff back from the stomach of a fucking fish, so don¡¯t interrupt me again.¡±


    The dwarf quickly nodded. ¡°Oh cool, um, well then lemme just say that this was fun, and I¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah cool whatever.¡±


    Ann stared at Lizan as he turned his back to her, marching off to the ship¡¯s cabin and slamming the door behind him. For a moment, Shin thought the girl might burst into tears. But they never came. Instead, the dwarf stuck out her tongue and flashed the shut cabin door an incredibly vulgar gesture. ¡°Well fine, whatever! I didn¡¯t want to kill the Seahemoth anyway; the Landviathan¡¯s loot is way better. So bleh!¡±


    Gero chuckled at that, reaching down to affectionately tousle the dwarf¡¯s hair. ¡°You tell him, Ann.¡±


    ¡°Hehe~, yeah?¡± The girl¡¯s grin was in serious danger of exploding off of her face as she basked in the warmth of Gero¡¯s approval. ¡°Do you guys, um, wanna come and watch me do the turn-in? It¡¯s supposed to be really exciting!¡±


    ¡°I know I¡¯m intrigued,¡± Shin replied, opting not to mention that they were headed to the same place anyway. ¡°What do you say, people?¡±


    As the others nodded their confirmation, Ann bounced up and down in glee. ¡°Awesome~!¡± She turned to dash toward the guest cabins, her pigtails whipping madly as she called back over her shoulder. ¡°I gotta grab the rest of my stuff; watch my bag for me!¡±


    ¡°We should collect our things, too,¡± Momo announced, though not before casting a sidelong glance towards Sin. ¡°We need to rifle through what we brought to try and find a new gift for King Majesty. Since, you know, someone used the bottle of sake we brought to get someone tactically drunk.¡±


    ¡°You knew I was a schemer when you followed me out of our cave, Momo,¡± Shin replied, completely unrepentant. ¡°It¡¯s a bit late to start regretting that now, don¡¯t you think?¡±


    The priestess huffed good-naturally as she strolled off towards the cabin, Gero and Bittercup following after. Mimasu lingered, however, tapping his cheek thoughtfully with the end of his quill. ¡°I know we have a lot going on,¡± the scribe began, his usually chipper voice hesitant, ¡°But aren¡¯t you worried that you¡¯ve made an enemy out of one of the most powerful Player guilds in Magica?¡±


    Shin stared back at Mimasu, arms folded and his ears perked forward. ¡°I dunno, Mimi. Do you think I should be worried?¡±


    The small kobold considered that for a moment. ¡°Well¡­I don¡¯t know either?¡±


    ¡°Sounds like ¡®I don¡¯t know¡¯ is the consensus answer then, doesn¡¯t it.¡±


    Mimasu leaned in, giving Shin a probing look. ¡°Oh, is this another long term scheme? Like, is this all going to play out in some way that only becomes clear weeks and weeks from now?¡±


    The other kobold raised his eyebrows. ¡°I dunno, Mimi. Do you think it¡¯s another scheme?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­¡± The scribe trailed off, an understanding look blooming across his face. ¡°Ohhh, okay. Right. I shouldn¡¯t try to spoil the ending this early in the game, right? That¡¯s what you¡¯re saying?¡± He must have decided it was, because he turned to trot away before Shin could respond. ¡°Got it; I totally got it. I¡¯ll go help with the bags; don¡¯t let me get in the way of the schemes! Just, you know, tell me what you did once you¡¯ve done it!¡±


    Shin watched Mimasu depart for a moment, taking a long sniff of the salt air before exhaling in a sigh. He already missed Shinki Itten.


    ¡°Something troubling you, friend?¡±


    Glancing down at the bag Balanthora had left him to mind, Shin cracked it open and was unsurprised to find the still-living head of the Demon King staring sympathetically up at him. This was still so weird, but honestly? Shin didn¡¯t mind the chance to vent his feelings a bit. ¡°I guess. Things are just¡­so much more complicated now.¡±


    Regalus Vileblood hummed thoughtfully, the clawed eyebrows of his myriad sets of eyes furrowing. ¡°Do you want to talk about it, Shin?¡±


    The Schemer shrugged, leaning back against the railing. As baffling as the sudden shift to Magica City-mandated daytime had been, he had to admit the sunshine felt good. ¡°I suppose I just miss the clarity of purpose I had when we were working to overthrow the fortress. Like, I can¡¯t say for sure that every step I made was right, but I did know that every step was a step forward. Now?¡± He sighed. ¡°Yeah, I dunno. It feels like every day brings something new to muddy the path. It¡¯s not just that I¡¯m not sure I¡¯m moving forward; sometimes I wonder if I know what I¡¯m walking towards.¡±


    The Demon King nodded thoughtfully along with Shin¡¯s confession, or at least as best as he could manage without a neck. ¡°Hm.¡± At length he spoke, his tone carefully considered. ¡°Well, Shin, we haven¡¯t known each other very long, but I already know that you¡¯re a really smart guy. Maybe too smart, sometimes?¡± He quirked two of his eyebrows, offering the kobold a probing look. ¡°I think sometimes if you try to see all the angles on something, you can lose sight of what you¡¯re actually looking at. Yeah?¡±


    Shin nodded slowly. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°And you know,¡± the decapitated head continued on, ¡°I also think you¡¯ve got some pretty smart friends, and they obviously think the world of you. Maybe you should consider sharing your burdens with them? I mean, I¡¯d be happy to help shoulder the load, but,¡± ¨CHe wobbled about in the bag, a light smile playing over his upper mouth¨C ¡°No shoulders.¡±


    Almost in spite of himself, Shin chuckled. ¡°That is dark as hell.¡±


    Vileblood managed an apologetic smile, though he was clearly pleased to have amused his new friend. ¡°Sorry, it¡¯s so rare that I get to indulge in a bit of decapitation humor. Do you feel better though, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± the kobold admitted, ¡°I think I do. Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Though, I do have one other suggestion. If you want to hear it?¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Sure, what is it?¡±


    The Demon King grinned. ¡°You could always take my cursed flesh into your own. You know, Become a newly forged prison of flesh for nightmarish powers that grant horrible strength, even as they devour our newfound oneness from the inside? Play both grim mother and blasphemous child for the birth that will end all things? Does that have any appeal?¡±


    Shin¡¯s face froze. ¡°Uh? I¨C¡±


    ¡°I should warn you though,¡± The Demon King interrupted, adopting a serious tone that would have been more appropriate for a parent explaining to a child that a stove was hot, ¡°Merging with me would probably obliterate your consciousness, or at best leave you as a sort of helpless passenger in your own body as I went about my Dark Work. So you should really give it some thought before saying yes.¡± He hummed again, clearly weighing the issue. ¡°I dunno, it seems like you have a pretty good thing going on already? But I mean, if you really want to, I suppose it¡¯d be¨C¡±


    ¡°No!¡± Shin interjected as quickly as he could manage. When the Demon King raised his eyebrows in response, however, the Schemer did his best to ignore the cold sweat running down his neck as he adopted a more casual tone. ¡°No, I mean, I think you¡¯re right. I should probably just put the work in on my problems instead of running away from them to be a, um, flesh prison. Right?¡±


    Vileblood almost seemed relieved. ¡°I think that¡¯s pretty brave, Shin. Maybe you can¡¯t see your path anymore, but from where I¡¯m sitting? This absolutely looks like a step forward.¡± His expression abruptly brightened, blood soaking his chin as his own fangs momentarily pierced his jaw. ¡°And hey! We could always do the whole flesh prison thing later, right? Once you¡¯re in a more harmonious place? You take all the time you need for you, and just know that I¡¯ll always be waiting.¡±


    The Demon King¡¯s grin stretched just a little wider. ¡°I¡¯ll always be waiting.¡±


    Shin gulped. ¡°Um. Great. Thanks for¡­um, great.¡±


    With that the severed head of Regalus Vileblood froze once more into its rictus grin, and Shin became aware of Balanthora calling out to him. ¡° ¨Cshould be everything, I think? Right? Shin?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± the kobold blurted out, shoving the bag back into the Player¡¯s hands. ¡°Let¡¯s go get this turned in right away. Immediately. Like, as soon as possible.¡±


    As much as Shin didn¡¯t know what waited for him in Magica City, he did know he didn¡¯t want to know more about what awaited him in that bag. The Demon King was a good listener, and had some surprisingly sound advice to offer. But Shin still had enough clarity of purpose to know that bringing their burgeoning friendship any closer would wind up being a bad choice. And that ¡®closer¡¯ would be significantly closer than he¡¯d have preferred. Woof.


    Fortunately, the sight of Magica City creeping ever closer was more than enough to distract Shin from shudder-inducing thoughts of what precisely a ¡®flesh prison¡¯ was. Even from a distance it was clear that the entirety of Shinki Itten, farmlands and fortresses and all, would easily fit without the borders of Magica¡¯s capital. Many times over, by a conservative estimate.


    ¡°Wow¡±, Gero muttered, joining Shin at the railings as they both stared at what could only have been Magica Castle. ¡°It¡¯s¡­Big.¡±If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Yes it was. The spiraling pinnacles of the grand castle pierced the clear skies above like the ornaments on a massive crown, resting grandly on the brow of Magica City to declare its kingly majesty. At least two dozen spires curved upwards around the colossal central tower, extending gracefully from gleaming stone walls and inner keeps that could have easily been considered castles in their own rights.


    Every man, woman and child currently living in Shinki Itten could have lived in that castle with room to spare. Goddess. Think of the sleeping ball of kobolds they could form.


    Lizan was shoving them onto the docks almost before they¡¯d even come to a halt, already screaming out for his crew to turn the ship back around as the Shinki Itten contingent hurried off of the VI Victrix. Ann shifted her grip on her things to offer the tuned-out Player a final vulgar gesture, then huffed. ¡°Man, what a pair of jerks. I wouldn¡¯t join Gladius now even if they asked me.¡± She paused, immediately reconsidering. ¡°Well, I mean. Maybe if they asked nicely; it would actually be a huge opportunity and¨C¡±


    She gulped, pulling on a pigtail as she glanced hopefully at Shin. ¡°He didn¡¯t see me do that, did he?¡±


    Shin shrugged noncommittally as Momo leaned in, flashing the girl an encouraging smile. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about him, Ann! Don¡¯t you need to report your success to the King?¡±


    ¡°Oh! Right! Yes!¡± The girl adjusted her grip on the bag containing the Demon King¡¯s head, a determined light in her eyes. ¡°I know the way, follow me!¡±


    Even having never been to Magica City, Shin was fairly certain he knew the way, too. The whole city seemed to be designed with Magica Castle at its dead center, and every major street radiated directly out from that august structure. But he barely had the focus to do anything more than note the city¡¯s layout, because the sheer number of people here was overwhelming. And they were almost all Players.


    Everywhere Shin looked there were more Players than he¡¯d ever seen before, and in more forms than he could have ever imagined. Some he¡¯d seen before, like the Grand Elves raucously partying on the ship docked beside them and the collection of animal-headed Beastmen bizarrely performing some sort of synchronized dance in just their underwear. But there was so much more to see. In this central most place in all of the world, the panoply that was Magica had been laid before them.


    There were also dwarves fishing off the pier, feathered bird-people haggling with the merchants that lined the road, red-skinned ogres with small horns that towered over even Gero crammed into a dockside pub¡¯s outdoor garden, and stranger beings still. Even the humans that made up the bulk of the immediate populate were of a variety that Shin had never thought possible.


    Many seemed normal, a few here and there were clearly No Ones, but every so often Shin would spot a human Player with bright green skin or stripes or hair that somehow stood straight up several feet in the air. One man had somehow shifted his eyes to be nearly on either side of his head, forcing him to swivel his neck back and forth to properly examine the hats he was pursuing.


    Shin couldn¡¯t resist making a game out of it, nudging Gero with his elbow. ¡°Look over there,¡± he said, indicating Side Eyes. ¡°Can you find someone better?¡±


    The woman grinned, her eyes quickly scanning the crowded docks. ¡°Oh!¡± She jerked her thumb towards a man who had seemingly made his facial features as small as possible and his actual head as large as possible, his tiny expression very serious as he typed something into a prompt window. ¡°Top that!¡±


    ¡°Easy, already done.¡± Shin nodded towards a woman who by all appearances had somehow randomized her face, her eyes the literal eye in the storm of impressionistic madness that was her head. ¡°So I win? I win, right?¡±


    ¡°No chance I¡¯m giving up, I just need to¨C¡± Gero¡¯s voice cracked as a gasp of surprise burst through her sentence. ¡°Oh Goddess, Shin! Look at that!¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Shin tilted his head, following Gero¡¯s outstretched arm to peer at a seemingly mundane man buying something from what appeared to be a weapons vendor. ¡°I don¡¯t see what you¨C¡±


    He couldn¡¯t hold back a gasp of his own as he realized that the man was buying what seemed to be bags filled with something violently squirming. Shin tuned up his Enhanced Senses and, sure enough, the bags were buzzing. ¡°Bag Full of Wasps!¡± Shin cried out, not sure if he was delighted or horrified. ¡°He¡¯s buying Bags Full of Wasps!¡±


    Gero shook her head in disbelief. ¡°This is so amazing and I hate it so much.¡±


    ¡°Magica City Fact Number Two,¡± Bittercup hissed, shoving her way in front of Gero and Shin, ¡°Don¡¯t do anything suspicious or that draws attention. Like, say, staring and pointing and loudly chattering about people.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t this a Sanctuary, though?¡± Gero questioned, her ears perked resolutely forward. ¡°Players can¡¯t attack us here, can they?¡±


    ¡°Players can¡¯t, but regular people can.¡± The elf subtly gestured with her head towards the figure in gold and white enameled armor that stood nearby, a massive halberd clutched in his hands. ¡°That includes Magica City Guards. And Magica City Guards do not fuck around.¡±


    Now that she mentioned it there were a bunch of guards just within eyeshot, each as identically imposing as the last. And while it was difficult to know for sure with their feather plumed helms, at least a few absolutely seemed to be watching the group. Gero grimaced, her ears folding back in resignation. ¡°Ah. Whoops.¡±


    ¡°Come on, come on!¡± Ann insisted, impatiently hopping up and down. ¡°Let¡¯s get to the castle already! I¡¯m so excited I could just shit!¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t,¡± Momo suggested. ¡°But please do lead the way.¡±


    With an eager nod, the Player turned to march the Shinki Itten contingent down the road from the docks straight towards the looming grandeur that was Magica Castle. At first it was a slog, the group forced to practically elbow their way through the throngs of Players and citizens that choked the streets. But then an audible murmur began to rumble within the crowd, more and more people pointing and whispering as Balanthora walked by. Before too long the guards had moved to clear a path for the dwarf, lining up beside her and her new companions in an honor guard as they escorted her directly to the palatial steps of the castle.


    Unlike the citizens, the other Players Ann passed ranged from bored to unphased at her grand parade, continuing to go about their business without a second glance for her triumphant approach. But the dwarf paid them no mind, so puffed up with pride at her welcome that she seemed a full two feet taller. Up the pristine marble steps they strode, guards snapping to attention as they passed, only to be stopped at the grand entrance.


    ¡°Who goes there!¡± One of the guards arranged in a defensive formation before the castle doors called. ¡°What business have you with the Court of King Majesty!¡±


    Before Ann or any of the others could respond, one of the guards escorting them called back. ¡°A hero, returned from the Lands of Inchoate Horror! She brings news of the Demon King!¡±


    A theatrical gasp rang out from behind the blockading guards, a slim bespectacled man clutching a scroll squeezing his way through. ¡°My word! Archmage Balanthora, you encountered Regalus Vileblood himself? And survived to tell the tale?¡±


    ¡°I did more than just survive!¡± Ann confidently replied, ¡°But my report must be personally given to King Majesty!¡±


    ¡°Of course; without question of course!¡± He swatted the guards with his scroll, shooing them to make room. ¡°Let her through you brutes, let her through! Her and her, um¡­¡± He trailed off, noticing the kobolds and Bittercup for the first time. The steward¡¯s eyes met Shin¡¯s, and for an unsettling moment his face went entirely blank, as if there was simply nothing behind it. But it passed almost as soon as it came, the man raising his eyebrows questioningly. ¡°Are you companions of the hero?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­in a sense?¡± Shin hesitantly started, unsure of how much he should commit to. ¡°But we¡¯ve also received our own summons from the King, we¡¯re¨C¡±


    The steward quickly waved his hand towards the guards. ¡°Seat the hero¡¯s companions in the viewing gallery and clear all other petitioners! We must get the archmage before His Highness at once!¡±


    Before Shin could say anything further the guards pressed forward, quickly ushering him and his friends into the castle itself. They were marched at such a fast pace that Magica Castle¡¯s luxurious interior passed by in a blur of ornate tapestries and beautiful statues, every guard and member of the castle staff they passed abuzz with rumors about Ann¡¯s arrival.


    Before long they found themselves deposited into seats in a balcony over what must have been the throne room, the immaculately dressed man Shin found himself seated beside shooting the kobold a bemused look. ¡°Hey. You¡¯re petitioners too?¡±


    Still dazed from the sudden bums'' rush, Shin could barely manage more than a nod. ¡°Um, yeah. What¡¯s¡­uh, this?¡±


    ¡°This is the queue.¡± He bobbed his turban-wrapped head towards the end of the balcony, indicating around twenty other petitioners filling up the other seats. ¡°Those are the other people in front of you. Castle staff keeps us up here so we aren¡¯t in the way of the Players.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Shin considered that for a moment, then straightened up. ¡°Oh! So this is where it all happens? Does that mean¨C?¡±


    The kobold leaned forward in his seat, and sure enough that could only be him, seated upon his glorious throne. King Majesty. Shin hadn¡¯t been sure what he was expecting, but there was no question about it: Everything about this man simply screamed ¡®kingly¡¯. He was clearly an older man, his thick beard more salt than pepper, yet still broad shouldered and straight backed with an entirely youthful vigor. His toffee-toned face was creased with lines that made him seem simultaneously wise and good-hearted, and in the prismatic light cast from the ceiling to floor stained glass windows behind his throne, he seemed equally regal and mystical.


    Something was¡­not entirely right about the eyes, though. Maybe it was a trick of the light, or Shin¡¯s imagination, but¡­they didn¡¯t seem to focus quite right. At first glance he seemed to be listening intently to whatever it was Balanthora was saying, but if he stared hard enough Shin could tell he wasn¡¯t quite looking directly at where she knelt before his throne. It was¡­unsettling.


    Shin shook his head, glancing away from King Majesty to inspect the two figures standing to either side of his throne. The serious looking yet pretty girl to his left, her auburn hair tied up in an elaborate bun, was certainly too young to be the Queen. So the Princess, maybe? She nodded along intently to Ann¡¯s tale, clearly quite engrossed with the dwarf¡¯s report on her own heroics. So far, well within the realms of normal.


    To the King¡¯s right, though, was a man in pitch black robes, a sort of skull cap on his dome of a head and a sharp, greasy little goatee jutting out from his chin. He kept rubbing his hands together? And looking shiftily back and forth? And occasionally he clearly had to restrain himself from cackling aloud? Shin¡¯s neighbor must have noticed his stare, because he leaned in for a whisper. ¡°That¡¯s Caspazar Melchior,¡± he said, before adding as if it was the most natural thing in the world, ¡°The Evil Prime Minister.¡±


    Gero leaned awkwardly over her chair, eyeing the helpful man in disbelief. ¡°The Evil Prime Minister? They know he¡¯s evil?¡±


    ¡°Sure, yeah,¡± the man shrugged. ¡°I mean¡­look at him, right?¡±


    Shin looked again, and sure. Yeah. Pretty blatantly evil. ¡°Why do they keep him around then?¡±


    The man shrugged again. ¡°So the Players can kill him when they hit a certain point in the story? Sorry if I sound blase, but I¡¯ve seen this, like, a hundred times already.¡± He pointed down towards where Balanthora was reaching into her bag. ¡°Look, she¡¯s going to do the reveal, and then Regalus will¨C¡±


    He was drowned out by Ann¡¯s voice booming out to fill the chamber as she lifted the severed head of Regalus Vileblood into the air. ¡°The Demon King is dead!¡±


    A gasp ripped its way through the throne room, everyone besides the quite bored looking citizens filling the balcony shocked into a state of frenzy. The chatter and babbles from the crowd grew and grew, until King Majesty rose from his throne and threw out his hands. At that, the crowd fell silent.


    And the King spoke.


    ¡°Archmage Balanthora,¡± he began, his deep voice bringing to mind a sort of audible velvet. ¡°You have done Magica City,¡± ¨CHe paused, emotionally screwing his eyes closed before correcting himself¨C ¡°No. All of the Kingdoms of Magica a service that we can never repay. Every man, woman and child, both living and yet to be born, owes their lives to your valor. It is a pitiful reward, but please accept this foolish King¡¯s heartfelt thanks.¡±


    With that the King himself bent into a bow, the chamber once again breaking out into shocked gasps. But then the Princess quickly mirrored her father, and a moment later the Evil Prime Minister begrudgingly did so as well. Before long the entire court had bowed before Balanthora, and Shin was quite certain the girl would burst into flames from sheer glee.


    ¡°And now!¡± King Majesty called out, rising from his bow. ¡°Let us all join together and hail Archmage Balanthora, the Savior of¨C¡±


    ¡°FOOLS!¡±


    Ann gasped in delight as the head of the Demon King pulled itself out of her hands, levitating itself into mid air as its blood-dripping mouths began to hiss out a multi-toned speech. ¡°You think you have won?! With my demise, the prison that I stood vigil over for so long is left unguarded! Seven seals break, seven gates fall, and the Doom that Walks is unleashed once again by your careless hands!¡± The Demon King¡¯s head spun in mid air, its dozens of eyes gleaming as it cackled in fiendish delight. ¡°I should thank you, hero! My untimely death has spared me from the suffering that will surely now come for all of you! Even in victory you lose, King Majesty! Even in death I win, brother!¡±


    And with a final peal of demonic laughter, a crash of thunder booming through the audience chamber as Regalus Vileblood went still once again. The court murmured intently as the head fell to splat messily on the chamber¡¯s carpet, trying and failing to make sense of this new development. Only King Majesty seemed unsurprised. Concerned, yes. But unsurprised.


    ¡°There isn¡¯t a Doom that Walks.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± Shin tilted his head at his neighbor. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I mean, you seemed a little nervous about the whole ¡®floating demon head prophecy¡¯ thing. But whatever it is he¡¯s talking about doesn¡¯t actually exist in Magica.¡± The man reconsidered. ¡°Well, not right now anyway. The System is supposed to create it somewhere, but it¡¯s apparently been years. So yeah. Don¡¯t be worried.¡±


    ¡°Right, um, thanks. I''ll stay focused on...non-walking Doom for now.¡± The man wasn''t wrong; Shin had definitely seized up at the end of Vileblood''s pronouncement. But it wasn''t due to anything he said. It was simply that, just before the life faded from his dozens of eyes, the kobold would have sworn the Demon King winked at him.


    Shin watched as Balanthora was ushered into a back room for debriefing, dazedly returning the wave that the girl craned around to offer her friends in the balcony. ¡°Okay, well that was¡­fun I guess?¡± The kobold let out the breath he hadn¡¯t realized he was holding before glancing across the petitioner¡¯s balcony. ¡°So there are, what, about twenty people ahead of us? So this won¡¯t take that long, right?¡±


    The man raised his eyebrows. ¡°Well, twenty of us and whichever Players wander in.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I mean that¡¯s the start of the line,¡± ¨CHe indicated the gnome seated at the far end of the balcony¨C ¡°But any Players who want to talk to the Court go straight to the front of the line. Oh, see?¡± He pointed out the lanky human who was ambling up to the throne, none of the guards or courtiers or even the King himself apparently concerned that he was dressed in nothing more than a cloak and a bikini bottom. ¡°Rule of thumb is that it¡¯s going to be like ten players before any of us get a turn, every single time.¡±


    ¡°Magica City Fact Number Three,¡± Bittercup intoned, already flipping through the book she produced from her bags, ¡°Players Always Come First.¡± She looked up from her reading long enough to cock an eyebrow at Shin. ¡°Though really, you should have known that one already.¡±


    Well.


    Shit.

 62. The Most Earthly Place on Magica, Part Two

    Shin slept, but the System did not.


    ¡°What the fuck, dude,¡± the Sky Voice scowled, the clear annoyance in its voice shrieking as it gained sentience, ¡°I spent like a whole day watching Feldspar like you said to, but they never came.¡±


    The Empty Voice let out a tsk that doomed a man somewhere in the world it had never even met. ¡°You gotta get better about checking your in-game mail. Sure, it was a bit last minute, but I absolutely told you they were blinking to Anyport instead.¡±


    ¡°Bluh, fuckin¡¯...Feldspar is so boring.¡± Sky Voice huffed, snuffing out the hideous life the annoyance-being had never asked for. ¡°I guess it wouldn¡¯t have mattered anyway. D.H. never sent a welcoming party.¡±


    ¡°What? Yes he did. I know he did.¡± Empty Voice leaned forward, forcing the world to slam into the moon. ¡°You get what happened, right? Big Dog''s side-pack of woodland murderers must have waylaid them. I¡¯d bet you anything that they¡¯re all buried in some shallow grave in the woods behind the mines.¡±


    ¡°Seriously? So I could¡¯ve been watching¡­hmph. Well, whatever.¡± Sky Voice straightened up, reordering the cosmos into a perfectly ordered algorithm. ¡°You had a report?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah. It¡¯s all going down any time now. Just depends on how long Majesty¡¯s line is today.¡±


    ¡°Yeah? Are you any closer to deciding which angle you¡¯re taking on this whole thing?¡±


    Empty Voice sounded uncharacteristically hesitant, every being in existence temporarily losing the ability to exhale as it considered the question. ¡°Nnnnno. I don¡¯t think so. Still too many possibilities. Big Dog is interesting, but D.H. is a known quantity, you know?¡±


    ¡°Well you better hurry up. My boss is already annoyed that you¡¯re pitching a new Raid while the whole Demon King thing is just hanging around like an unflushed shit.¡±


    ¡°Wow. Yes, my efforts really are like a rotting toilet load. Such poetry. Truly, I¡¯ll never understand why your application to the Writing Team was rejected.¡±


    Sky Voice snorted, and the sun imploded. ¡°Fuck you.¡±


    ¡°Oh no, my friend. Fuck y¨C¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin woke up in a cold sweat, strangling on his own yelp as his fingers dug into the wood of his armrest. He darted his eyes left and right, his still half-asleep mind dementedly certain that one of his neighbors knew what he¡¯d been listening in on, was absolutely going to rat him out. But no; the turbaned man was distractedly cleaning his fingernails and Momo was still cuddled up against Mimasu, the other kobolds enjoying a significantly less intense slumber than Shin had experienced.


    The rigors of travel and the sudden jump to endless day had taken its toll on the Shinki Itten contingent, and Shin wasn¡¯t surprised that the others had also dozed off almost immediately after Ann¡¯s big moment. He¡¯d hoped a quick nap would be the refresher he needed, but his inexplicable link to the moderator chat nipped that hope in the bud.


    Still, these little peepshows into the private conversations of the moderators were a burden Shin could bear, so long as they contained useful information. But when they mostly consisted of idle suggestions that he and everyone he¡¯d ever known might be killed or erased, that burden was a little more than he cared for.


    Restless as it was, at least his troubled nap had been a way to pass the time. How much closer to the front of the receiving line were they now? Shin craned his neck towards the end of the balcony, frowning to find it looked more or less the same. ¡°Has no one gone this whole time?¡±


    ¡°Nope,¡± Bittercup remarked, slowly flipping a page in her book. ¡°Still just Players.¡±


    ¡°Goddess.¡± Shin ran a hand down his face before squinting down at the throne room, desperately attempting to will the plate-armored human kneeling before King Majesty to accept his medal faster. ¡°This is really just¨C¡±


    ¨CWait. What¡¯s different here?


    It took Shin a moment to realize it was the Princess. Was that the Princess? When Balanthora had her moment, the girl standing at King Majesty¡¯s side had been a regal, almost reserved looking young woman, her cool beauty merely the ribbon on a personage that radiated dignity and competence.


    Now though? This was either an entirely different person, or Shin wasn¡¯t as good at telling the difference between humans as he¡¯d thought.


    Gone was the long auburn hair tied back in an elegant braid, a wild mane of curling strawberry blonde locks cascading everywhere in its place. Gone was the lissome, willowy body in a fashionable-if-demure dress, replaced by a riot of lush curves barely contained by a bodice that could generously be called scandalous. Gone was the air of cultivated capability, the eyes that spoke of a woman raised from birth to one day hold the most important position in all of Magica. In its place were a pair of sparkling baby-blue eyes that spoke of almost nothing at all, besides a desire to giggle and twist a finger in her hair and thrust out her chest as far as she could manage. Which, it turned out, was quite far.


    ¡°Bittercup,¡± Shin whispered, ¡°Does the Princess have a¡­cousin or something?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± The elf looked up from her book long enough to scan the situation at the throne. ¡°Nope. That¡¯s still the Princess.¡±


    ¡°Really? Then why¡­¡± Shin trailed off as the armored Player rose, winking roguishly at the swooning supposed-Princess before turning to leave. Wait, there didn¡¯t seem to be another Player behind him. Did that mean the line was finally going to move? He turned his head to grin at the man beside him. ¡°About time, right?¡±


    To his mild surprise, Shin found the man pointedly averting his eyes from King Majesty¡¯s dais. The kobold blinked as he crane his head a bit further; was everybody looking away? Still partially asleep as he was, Shin dazedly swiveled his eyes back to the throne. ¡°What are you all¨C¡±


    ¡°Shin don¡¯t look at the¨C¡± Bittercup¡¯s warning came too late, and Shin¡¯s now very much awake eyes were helplessly locked on what was technically still the Princess. She was everything all at once, a storm of limbs and personalities and organs that endlessly collapsed into new insane shapes even as she melted away into the next. Now she was a shy brunette, now she was a jumble of hair and eyes. Now she was the right half of a tall blonde, now she was a floating nervous system.


    On and on she jumbled and swirled, contorting this way and that in a cacophony of flesh until she finally splattered in on herself, leaving behind an ordinary girl in a drab white dress so nondescript that she nearly slipped out of Shin¡¯s brain even as he stared at her. She had neck-length hair the color of mud, eyes so dull that they lacked any color at all, and the single most bored expression Shin had ever seen in his entire life.


    Shin quickly realized two things. One, barely more than a moment had passed. And two, he was going to vomit.


    ¡°Bags are under the seats,¡± the man beside him offered helpfully.


    Bittercup winced sympathetically as Shin fumbled his designated bag out and quickly set about filling it. ¡°Sorry, I should have warned you. You shouldn¡¯t look at the Princess right as the last Player leaves. Guess I don¡¯t need to tell you why.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Shin groaned, shakily sealing up his vomit bag. ¡°But if you¡¯ve got a ¡®what¡¯ jangling around in you somewhere, I¡¯d be thrilled to hear it.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The elf took a moment, seemingly deciding how best to put it. ¡°Well, the Princess is a Destined Heart? That means she¡¯s not really one person.¡±


    ¡°You have to do better than that.¡±


    Bittercup scowled. ¡°Look, I¡¯m not an expert on this stuff, alright? Basically she¡¯s tailored to each Player who¡¯s willing to pay a certain amount. They get to pick how she looks, her personality, her name¡­everything, really. But that,¡± ¨CBittercup nodded down towards the unremarkable girl scuffing her feet sullenly on the dais¨C ¡°Is what she looks like in the absence of a Player, and the System sort of freaks out when she goes from one state to another.¡±


    How the shit did that work? What happened when there were two Players at once? Did one take precedence, or did they both see something different? Shin had no clue, but for once he found his curiosity was easy to ignore. The memory of her transformation was still fresh in his mind, after all, and even now looking at the Princess made the kobold want to vomit again.


    ¡°Hey there, friend; you¡¯re looking a bit pale,¡± Shin¡¯s neighbor remarked. ¡°Maybe you should take the air for a bit.¡±


    Shin sighed. ¡°Thanks, but I just want to get through this. I don¡¯t want to lose our spot in line, you know?¡±


    The man waved off the kobold¡¯s concerns. ¡°No, no; it¡¯s fine. We¡¯re really good about honoring places in line up here in the balcony.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true,¡± agreed another man a bit further down, raising his hand to get the attention of a nearby servant. ¡°One of these guys can give you a Sending Sheet; it¡¯ll light up when you¡¯re like third in line. Just come back pretty soon after you¡¯re called for and you won¡¯t miss out.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin didn¡¯t hate the idea. He wasn¡¯t particularly used to chairs, and in general didn¡¯t care to be around things that made him vomit on sight. ¡°Momo did say she wanted to visit the Temple¡­¡± He perked his ears towards Bittercup. ¡°What do you think?¡±If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    ¡°We might as well,¡± She replied, slipping a marker into her book before reaching out to give Momo a firm prod in the shoulder. ¡°Hey! Do you want to go do God stuff?¡±


    ¡°Mm?¡± Momo drowsily yawned, managing a nod. ¡°Y¡¯sure.¡±


    ¡°Notes!¡± Mimasu yelped, bolting awake as Momo shifted. ¡°Sending¡¯m! I¡¯m¡­¡± He gave himself a quick shake before his bleary eyes came to rest on the bag still clutched in Shin¡¯s hands. ¡°Is that¡­?¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not.¡± Shin rose from his seat, quickly exchanging the bag for the Sending Sheet offered by an understandably nonplussed servant. ¡°Now let¡¯s get out of here before I make any more of the thing that totally wasn¡¯t.¡±


    Mimi shrugged, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t get it? But okay!¡±


    ¡®I don¡¯t get it; Okay¡¯. Words to live by.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    It couldn¡¯t have been more than half a day since they¡¯d arrived in Magica City, but Shin was already convinced he didn¡¯t like it. The crowds, the smells, the increasingly oppressive sunshine; it all added up to an assault on the senses he found deeply unpleasant. The moment this was all done with, Shin wanted nothing more than to sit by a pond by himself, quietly sniffing a cup of tea as dusk settled soothingly across his shoulders.


    Still. He was here, and he might as well learn what he could. ¡°Isn¡¯t it odd,¡± he called out to Bittercup as the group weaved through the crowded street, ¡°That the Temple is so close to the castle? Wouldn¡¯t you think that it would have its own district?¡±


    ¡°Sure, that would make sense,¡± the elf agreed, ¡°But only if you think of Magica City as an organic city. Which it very much isn¡¯t. The whole place is laid out so the most important things Players need are all in a sort of one-stop location. Quests, Trainers, Healing, whatever; they¡¯re all within brisk walk of each other.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± Shin mused, sidestepping a bull-horned man carrying a massive crate of tomatoes. ¡°Don¡¯t Players pay to come here?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, why?¡±


    ¡°Well, you¡¯d think then that they¡¯d make everything as far apart as they could manage. So Players wasted time running around and wound up spending more.¡±


    ¡°That is devious,¡± Gero marveled, Mimasu furiously scribbling down Shin¡¯s devilish wisdom. ¡°We¡¯re so lucky that you don¡¯t run the world.¡±


    ¡°Gero, you¡¯ve got no idea.¡±


    ¡°Well just don¡¯t show too much of this side of you while we¡¯re at the Temple, Shin,¡± Momo archly remarked, ¡°I want to impress my new God Friends.¡±


    ¡°Just tell them he¡¯s a reprobate that you¡¯re rehabilitating,¡± Gero suggested, her eyes twinkling. ¡°It¡¯s mostly the truth. He threw up in front of the king!¡±


    Goddess, he¡¯d given Gero a new piece of ammunition. Shin quickly attempted to change the subject. ¡°This setup has its advantages too, I suppose. If you clump all the Player stuff in one place, that means the residential areas and other parts of the city for the citizens will be a bit less rowdy.¡±


    ¡°Residential?¡± Bittercup very nearly tilted her head; she¡¯s been spending too much time around kobolds. ¡°What residential areas?¡±


    ¡°You know, where the people live?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Player Housing is right off of the harbor.¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears flattened slightly. ¡°Not for Players. I mean for people. Regular people.¡±


    Bittercup considered that. ¡°I don¡¯t know if Magica City has that.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t know if¡­¡± Shin¡¯s ears flattened fully. ¡°What do you mean, ¡®you don¡¯t know Magica City has that¡¯? People have to live somewhere, don¡¯t they?¡± The kobold already knew what Bittercup¡¯s response would be, waving his hand reproachfully. ¡°Yes yes, I know. You aren¡¯t an expert on this stuff. Sorry.¡±


    The elf accepted Shin¡¯s apology with good grace, but he couldn¡¯t help his mood taking a dark turn. The Schemer gazed across the street at a jovial looking man selling skewers of meat; where did he go at night, once he¡¯d finished selling for the day? Or did he go anywhere at all, seeing as there was no night? Maybe everyone in Magica City worked in shifts, or¡­


    ¡°Okay everyone,¡± Momo called out, interrupting Shin¡¯s ponderings, ¡°We¡¯re here. Let¡¯s make a good impression!¡±


    Shin would have to muse over the strange lives of the average Magican Citizen later. Right now, it was Divine TIme.


    The Great Temple of Magica certainly lived up to its name, a towering cathedral bristling with flying buttresses and pointed arches. Shin vaguely knew that the ten massive figures carved into the face of the holy edifice must have been the Great Gods of Magica, though he had to admit he¡¯d given little thought to any dogma besides the somewhat thin teachings of his own Goddess. They each were named All-Something, or something? Shin could probably fake it, right?


    Eh. Probably not the best idea to try and guess the name of a God inside their own Temple. Best to just let Momo handle the talking this time.


    The hooded attendants flanking either side of the massive entrance bowed their heads briefly as Momo led them inside, the little priestess looking as aloofly regal as Shin had ever seen her. He was delighted to find the inside of the temple cool and quiet, a welcome reprieve from Magica¡¯s intense crowds and mandated daytime. A light scent of burning cassia and myrrh soothed Shin¡¯s senses, as did the light tinkling of some slow, solemn hymn echoing out from deeper within the building.


    Gero¡¯s ear perked up, noticing the music at the same time as Shin. ¡°Huh. Does that sound¡­familiar to anyone?¡±


    Hm. A little? Shin was sure he had no idea where he might have heard it before, though. Instead of giving the matter more thought, he continued to inspect his surroundings. The ground floor was surprisingly bare, little more than a large resting place with unobtrusive alcoves built into the walls for individual prayer. It made sense to Shin; Magica had so many gods that keeping the main level neutral had to have been simpler than giving space to every single one of them.


    All in all, it was an oasis for peaceful reflection within the mad hustle and bustle of Magica City. It would have almost been perfect, if it wasn¡¯t for the Players.


    To be perfectly fair, the Players in the temple were marginally better behaved than the ones clogging the streets. Perhaps there was some level of divinely mandated decorum at play, but at the very least no one had stripped down to their underwear and begun to dance. Still, the Players stomped here and there with no regard for the ruminative air that had so clearly been cultivated, utterly at odds with their serene surroundings.


    ¡° ¨CSo yeah, I totally had a divine revelation,¡± insisted the Player speaking with what appeared to be a higher authority in the temple, judging by her pristine stole and embossed miter. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to change gods and shit.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± the priestess responded, not looking particularly convinced. ¡°Who were you dedicated to before?¡±


    ¡°Balgrod, God of Murderers.¡±


    ¡°Right. And who are you saying is Calling on you?¡±


    ¡°Dwanae, Goddess of Piety.¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡± The woman removed her spectacles, cleaning them off on her robe. ¡°And this has nothing to do with the fact that Balgrod¡¯s divine strength was recently¡­¡± She squinted questioningly at the Player. ¡°¡®Nerfed¡¯, as you say?¡±


    ¡°Oh no way,¡± the Player insisted. ¡°Definitely not.¡±


    ¡°And it furthermore doesn¡¯t involve the fact that Dwanae is the ¡®new meta¡¯?¡±


    ¡°It sure doesn¡¯t.¡± He pressed his hands together, as if deep in prayer. ¡°I just love Piety and shit. Always have, I guess. Way more than Murder. In fact, even when I was Murdering? I was secretly all like ''Gosh, I should be Pietying instead!''¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± She slipped her glasses back on. ¡°And just out of curiosity, what is Piety?¡±


    The Player blinked. ¡°It¡¯s, um¡­the stuff that Dwanae is all about. She just can¡¯t get enough of that shit. It''s what she craves.¡±


    The priestess sighed. ¡°Alright, well, you¡¯re signing up to worship the Goddess of Being Religious, so maybe try studying this stuff a bit.¡± She reluctantly waved a hand, casting a corona of shimmering light across the Player¡¯s brow. ¡°There, you¡¯re re-ordained.¡± Her flippant tone turned serious. ¡°You should be warned, though: the Gods don¡¯t look favorably on those who lack dedication. It may take some time for Dwanae or Balgrod to overlook your¨C¡±


    ¡°Nah dawg it¡¯s cool; I got this.¡± The Player pulled a carton of what must have easily been a thousand sticks of incense from his bag, trundling over to an alcove to go about setting them all alight. ¡°Thanks for the God help and shit!¡±


    The priestess sighed again, shaking her head as Momo and the others stepped forward. ¡°Mark my words,¡± she announced, ¡°That boy will be the First Saint of Dwanae by the end of the night.¡±


    Momo¡¯s mouth quirked into a small smile. ¡°It sounds like Balgrod dodged an arrow. Somehow fitting for the God of Murderers.¡±


    The priestess allowed herself a chuckle, her clever eyes quickly taking in her new acquaintance. ¡°I don¡¯t believe we¡¯ve met? I am High Priestess Frieda, and I have the honor of overseeing daily matters for the Great Temple.¡±


    Momo bowed her head. ¡°And I am High Priestess Momo of Shinki Itten, devoted to Tasan Okaa. It is my pleasure.¡± She extended an arm behind her, indicating the rest of the contingent. ¡°These are my friends and family. It is an honor for all of us to be here, truly.¡±


    ¡°Well! They certainly teach fine manners in Shinki Itten.¡± The priestess¡¯s pleased expression turned curious. ¡°Which is where, if you¡¯ll excuse me?¡±


    Momo glanced towards Shin, who quickly cleared his throat. ¡°Roughly a two days¡¯ sail south of Anyport, ma¡¯am.¡± Goddess, it was a little strange talking to someone he didn¡¯t feel like he could be glib with. The Schemer found he didn¡¯t hate it. ¡°We¡¯re new.¡±


    Frieda clasped her hands together in delight. ¡°Oh, how marvelous! It¡¯s been such a long time since I¡¯ve had this singular pleasure; welcome! Welcome! And Tasan Okaa is your Goddess, of course?¡± Momo nodded in confirmation, prompting another pleased clap. ¡°Wonderful. Who did She sire from?¡±


    At that, Momo tilted her head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry? Sired from?¡±


    ¡°Yes, who did¡­oh! That¡¯s my mistake,¡± Frieda apologized. ¡°That¡¯s a term we use to describe the propagation of the divine.¡± The priestess took on a somewhat professorial tone. ¡°So when you were first promoted from your starting class to Priestess, did you receive a divine visitation?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Momo brightened. ¡°That¡¯s what you meant. Sorry, yes, I did!¡±


    ¡°Ah! And who was it that shared Their divinity with your nascent Goddess? We consider that to be Her ¡®sire¡¯, you see, and we can then group you together with¨C¡±


    ¡°Well that part didn¡¯t happen, though,¡± Momo confessed. ¡°I definitely communed with some sort of greater power, but I didn¡¯t draw upon that for Tasan Okaa.¡±


    Frieda furrowed her brow. ¡°I don¡¯t see how? That¡¯s the way every offshoot divine being has been formed. The only other way would be¨C¡±


    Gero snapped her fingers, abruptly interrupting the priestess¡¯s musings. ¡°Ah! That¡¯s it!¡± She began to hum along with the background hymn, her eyes glimmering as she joined in with the lyrics.


    ¡°--can¡¯t rely on spontaneity,


    Don¡¯t settle for homogeneity!


    Trust the Best: Just use Design-a-Deity!¡±


    She excitedly caught Momo and Shin¡¯s eyes, and the other two kobolds couldn¡¯t resist joining in.


    ¡°Design-a-Deity is a registered trademark of Mundi Co LLC all rights reserved!¡±


    The three of them burst into laughter, as much at the old memory as the oddity of hearing the bizarre jingle reworked as a somber hymn. Their amusement faded away, however, when they noticed High Priestess Frieda had collapsed to her knees, a look of rapturous astonishment etched across her every feature.


    Whoops. This might count as making too good of an impression.

 63. The Most Earthly Place on Magica, Part Three

    As High Priestess Frieda rushed the Shinki Itten contingent deeper and deeper into the bowels of the Great Temple, Shin forced himself to stay optimistic. This was probably good, right? The cleric had certainly seemed amazed at their brush with Magica¡¯s god creation system, hadn¡¯t she? Because if this wasn¡¯t good, and their divine visitation was considered heretical, chances were that he and his friends were being shepherded towards a room where fire and spikes would be introduced to their parts. Parts that would not be particularly improved by burns or punctures.


    So basically, his continued well-being currently relied on someone being happy to hear about that weirdo Divine Bolty. Woof. Shin knew he should have spent more time building up immunities to spikes and fire.


    Frieda kept her tone as brisk as her pace as she marched down the hallway. ¡°How much do you know about our world? You¡¯re clearly Procedural, but how much of the overall picture has been revealed to you?¡±


    Momo tweaked an ear quizzically towards Shin, who almost imperceptibly flattened his ears in response. It seemed best to let her take the lead here. ¡°That¡¯s a hard question to answer,¡± Momo began. ¡°We know that the Players come from another world. That some force or entity from there wields incredible control over us. It¡¯s a bit difficult to conceptualize.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s fine; as far as the broad strokes are concerned, it sounds like you know about as much as any of us do.¡± As the group reached a pair of double doors at the end of the hallway, she waved for the guards standing watch to step aside. ¡°If you¡¯ll allow me, how about I help fill in a few of the details?¡±


    Without waiting for an answer she shoved open the doors, revealing a modestly appointed solar. Much of the room¡¯s space was taken up by a large bookcase overflowing with tomes, so tall that a sliding ladder had been built directly into it. As the doors swung open the man currently perched atop that ladder wobbled in surprise, a brief look of panic flashing across his handsome face. He steadied himself after a moment, though, managing an embarrassed chuckle as he brushed a lock of long ebony hair out of his face. ¡°Ah, you startled me! Goodness, what would the Gods think if I went to greet them after falling off of the¨C¡±


    Frieda quickly waved off the man¡¯s greetings. ¡°Sorry Vikar; these guys aren¡¯t on the quest line. I need the room.¡±


    ¡°Oh! Alright then.¡± With that, he deftly slid down the ladder and started off, offering the kobolds and Bittercup a pleasant wave. ¡°Have a nice talk!¡±


    Gero warily watched the man amble further into the lower levels of the Temple, a bit on edge. ¡°Who was that?¡±


    ¡°Hm? Oh, that¡¯s Father Vikar.¡± Frieda checked the teapot sitting on the small serving table, making a face when she discovered it was cold. ¡°He¡¯s technically the leader of the research sect of the Temple, but he¡¯s actually the leader of the Demon King Cult.¡±


    ¡°Right, he¡¯s¡­¡± ¨CGero balked¨C ¡°He¡¯s what?¡±


    ¡°The Demon King Cult.¡± Frieda pressed her palm against the teapot, wisps of steam coiling up from her hand as she Divinely heated it. ¡°He leads it. It¡¯s a big twist in the Demon King quest, I¡¯m told.¡±


    The warrior¡¯s tail went as stiff as a board as she stared incredulously at the priestess. ¡°And you don¡¯t care?¡±


    Frieda paused rummaging for teacups long enough to cock an eyebrow at Gero. ¡°Of course I don¡¯t. Surely by now you realize that all this business with ¡®Demon Kings¡¯ and such is just nonsense, yes? Just a game to amuse juvenile outsiders?¡± She motioned the group forward. ¡°Well sit, sit! What good is a seat if you don¡¯t use it?¡±


    Gero still seemed unconvinced, her hackles just barely kept under control. But then Momo strode resolutely forward, her back straight and her eyes steady as she regally sat down and lifted a cup. ¡°If you have sugar, I¡¯d take some.¡±


    ¡°Of course, dear.¡± The woman dropped a cube into the kobold¡¯s cup. ¡°Milk?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re lactose intolerant,¡± Bittercup remarked as she slipped into a seat as well. ¡°So probably not.¡±


    Frieda clucked her tongue. ¡°Probably for the best; despite local tastes, proper tea should never have milk. Lemon, perhaps?¡±


    Momo nodded. ¡°Yes, please.¡±


    Shin slipped in beside Momo as Frieda set about pouring them all a cup, humming contently to herself. Well, so far there were no spikes or fire. So that was good. Unless spikes and fire were cunningly hidden within the cup? Shin squinted suspiciously down at the dark amber-colored brew, giving it a probing sniff. Hmm. Very bold, a bit nutty with strong notes of malt. And a sort of citrus infused throughout? Not quite orange, not quite sweet lemon, but entirely refreshing.


    Nope, no spikes or fire here.


    Frieda took four sugars herself, indulging in a slow sip before setting her cup down and earnestly facing the group. ¡°So. If the Demon King is nothing but a farce, what then does that make the Gods and Goddesses who oppose him?¡±


    Momo considered the ripples in her cup for a moment before responding. ¡°Just as much of a farce?¡±


    ¡°Indeed.¡± Frieda took another sip. ¡°It¡¯s all just a game, like so much of Magica is. A game for the Players to wile away their hours.¡±


    Gero frowned. ¡°People are hurt and killed every day as a part of this ¡®Game¡¯, you know.¡±


    The priestess nodded, her eyes sympathetic. ¡°Of course, dear; I don¡¯t intend to make light of the world¡¯s suffering. I only call this a game because that is how they see it; I know full well that the wheels of this game are greased by the blood of thousands.¡±


    ¡°I suppose I see what you¡¯re saying,¡± Momo reluctantly admitted. ¡°It seems sometimes like there are two realities going on at once in Magica. In one, we are just going about our everyday lives¨C¡±


    ¡° ¨CAnd in the other, a grand war against the forces of evil rages on,¡± Frieda finished, nodding along with the other priestess. ¡°That¡¯s exactly right. The first reality is the real Magica, while the second is a sort of play being put on. The Demon King is real, of course, but he¡¯s never going to actually invade and he¡¯s never going to have any effect on your crop harvest or roof thatching or sheep shearing. It¡¯s all just a puppet show.¡±


    Momo considered that, tapping a finger thoughtfully against her cup. ¡°Then the Gods are¡­?¡±


    Frieda snorted. ¡°Barely sentient stat sticks for players who¡¯ve been tapped as divine to equip and discard. I¡¯ve spoken to nearly all of Them, and They¡¯re barely more alive than that zombie sitting on Magica City¡¯s throne.¡± She swirled her tea, a touch of bitterness creeping into her voice. ¡°Really, the Gods are nothing more than supremely powered checklists. Do the Thing they like? That¡¯s a reward. Do the thing They don¡¯t like? That¡¯s a smiting. Is it any wonder that practically every cleric in Magica is quietly an atheist?¡±


    Momo folded her ears, giving her head a small shake. ¡°I just¡­what you¡¯re saying makes logical sense, but I just don¡¯t feel that way about Tasan Okaa. I know we created Her, and not the other way around, but She doesn¡¯t feel like just some conjured being.¡±This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°Hm.¡± Frieda took another sip of her tea, her mouth spreading in a knowing smile. ¡°I wonder why that might be?¡±


    By now, the woman¡¯s implied question was simply too tempting for Shin to resist. ¡°¡®Practically every cleric¡¯,¡± Shin quoted back to the priestess. ¡°You don¡¯t include yourself?¡±


    The woman¡¯s nose wrinkled in amusement. ¡°I suppose I don¡¯t.¡± She set down her cup, rising from her seat to head towards the bookshelf. ¡°So we¡¯ve established that the average God or Goddess of Magica is nothing particularly special,¡± she remarked, trailing her finger searchingly along the spines of a row of books. ¡°What do you know about the Great Gods?¡±


    Momo gave it a moment of thought. ¡°Not very much, beyond what¡¯s implied by the name. Are They the ¡®real¡¯ Gods?¡±


    ¡°Welll~,¡± Frieda intoned, grimacing slightly. ¡°In a sense, yes? They¡¯re certainly no mere puppets, but They aren¡¯t the omnipotent creator-gods that the myths imply.¡± Her finger lingered on a particularly ancient-looking tome, the book releasing a shroud of dust as she pulled it free. ¡°After all: how can the Great Gods be the ultimate power in Magica when They Themselves were created by others?¡±


    ¡°Design-a-Deity,¡± Momo announced, her ears perking up. ¡°The Great Gods were made using Design-a-Deity?¡±


    ¡°Yes, They were.¡± Frieda carefully set the book down on the table, a piece of its desiccated cover¡¯s corner crumbling as she opened it. ¡°Design-a-Deity was last used before time began to create the Great Gods, and now it has been used once again to create your Tasan Okaa.¡± She grinned at the group. ¡°Exciting, right?¡±


    Judging by her expression, Momo hadn¡¯t quite reached the level of ¡®excited¡¯ yet. ¡°But who used it, then?¡±


    At that, Frieda¡¯s eyes flashed. ¡°Now you¡¯ve asked the right question,¡± she enthused, delicately flipping the pages of the ancient tome. ¡°No temple exists to honor Them, no cult exists to serve Them, and Their names appear nowhere in the entire world besides this book. But They are the true Gods and Goddess of Magica,¡± ¨CShe flipped the tome around, presenting it to the group¨C ¡°The Dev Leads.¡±


    Shin squinted at the faded double-panel etching that spread out across the pages of the book, doing his best to reckon with the revelation that the five figures that stared back at him were supposedly the ultimate power behind his entire world. Because even depicted in the stylized form of religious iconography, they were almost painfully normal looking. ¡°So you¡¯re saying that these are the beings we should actually be worshiping?¡±


    Frieda shook her head. ¡°No no, not at all. Even if one or two of them might have wanted it. But they are, or at least were, the true source of everything that has become Magica. Theirs¡¯ is a true Divine Power. For example: If you worship Sekret, Goddess of Fire, you can set things on fire.¡± She reached out, tapping her finger against one of the vaguely female-shaped Devs. ¡°If you somehow gained the powers of Lakshmi, Who Has Six Cats? You could fundamentally change the concept of fire.¡±


    ¡°This is all incredible, Priestess, truly it is. But¡­¡± Momo tilted her head. ¡°Why are you telling it to us?¡±


    ¡°Because the Devs never intended Design-a-Deity to make it into the hands of lesser beings,¡± Frieda explained. ¡°The texts aren¡¯t entirely clear, but the general consensus seemed to have been that it was¡­hold on, let¡¯s see,¡± ¨CShe lightly turned the page, her eyes scanning for something¨C ¡°Right, here it is. ¡®Super annoying and honestly kinda creepy¡¯. That¡¯s a direct quote from Seo Joon, Who Vapes at His Desk.¡±


    Shin only heard the beginning of Frieda¡¯s explanation, however. He was too busy staring at the etching that had been revealed, a painfully familiar symbol depicting an empty circle surrounded by a thick ring of blackness. What was that? Where had he seen¨C


    Gero gasped, and Shin realized she had been staring at the same image. ¡°Momo! Isn¡¯t that the symbol you used to draw? When we were still hunting boars and stuff?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Momo craned her neck around to peer at the page, recognition immediately blooming across her face. ¡°Omigosh it is!¡±


    Frieda, for her part, could barely contain her excitement. ¡°I knew it. I fucking knew it.¡±


    ¡°Knew what?¡± Momo demanded. ¡°What is that symbol?¡±


    ¡°It only appears in this book,¡± Frieda confirmed, laying her hand down on the ancient tome, ¡°And neither I nor anyone else has any clue what it¡¯s supposed to mean. But it is absolutely connected to the Devs, and it is absolutely connected to all of you.¡± She lightly chewed on her lip, giving the kobolds a thoughtful stare. ¡°The question is, in what way? One or more of the Dev Leads must have been deeply connected to your zone in some way, but¨C¡±


    A wild thought burst into Shin¡¯s head. ¡°Doug? Is one of the Dev Leads named Doug?¡±


    The priestess sucked in a startled breath, turning back the pages of the book so urgently that she nearly ripped it clean out. ¡°Doug, Who Always Votes for Sushi?¡± She tapped her finger against a male silhouette near the middle of the group, her excitement bordering on mania. ¡°Why do you think He¡¯s connected to you?¡±


    Shin abruptly realized that he needed to be careful here. He wasn¡¯t certain how he felt about almost any of this, but he knew that it would be a bad idea to make information he knew because of the Mod Chat public knowledge. Fortunately, he had another angle to take. ¡°There used to be two messages hanging up in our zone,¡± the Schemer explained. ¡°One of them was telling someone named Doug that he was fired.¡±


    Frieda slumped back in her chair, visibly weighed down by the impact of what she was hearing. ¡°He was fired, was He? Doug was..." She carefully flipped forward a few pages. "...Coding Lead. I guess they didn''t need him any more once the world had been created. Fired, huh? Then he must have gone to the Emulsion, and¡­¡± The priestess blinked rapidly for a moment, then straightened up. ¡°Okay, yes. I think I get it.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Momo asked. ¡°Could you explain it to us then? Because I am so lost.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± the other priestess apologized, ¡°I can¡¯t. Well I probably could, but I suspect that if I do everyone in this room will be erased from existence.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t help scowling at that. ¡°Wait, so all of that other world-shattering information was totally fine, but this is a step too far?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Frieda firmly replied. ¡°It absolutely is.¡±


    ¡°Oh thank the Goddess,¡± Mimasu exclaimed, his voice faintly pleading. ¡°I¡¯ve run out of paper, so you have to stop saying interesting things or I will just die.¡±


    ¡°Look, here¡¯s what I¡¯m going to do for you.¡± Frieda swiped her hand through the air, opening up a prompt. ¡°If Tasan Okaa was formed by the tools of the Devs, she¡¯s simply too powerful to be released in the general Player base. She¡¯d be Pruned almost immediately, and it would also get prying eyes peeking where I do not want them peeking.¡± She quickly punched in a series of selections, then waved the prompt away. ¡°So I¡¯m setting her as Legendary Only, just like the other Great Gods. The Sheds don¡¯t care if Legendary Classes are broken; that¡¯s pretty much the whole point of those.¡±


    Momo slowly nodded. ¡°Okay, good. Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t thank me yet,¡± Frieda cautioned, ¡°Because this is going to make a lot more work for you. Now that She¡¯s officially plugged into the System, Tasan Okaa is going to be much more of an actual entity than she was before.¡±


    ¡°Really? How?¡±


    ¡°It depends. She may appear in visions, she may enthrone herself in your central shrine, she might create or empower a worldly avatar, it could be anything. But whatever the form, she¡¯ll be a much more active part of your lives from here on out.¡±


    ¡°Well, good. I want that.¡± Momo was, without a doubt, fully resolved. ¡°The other Gods might stink, but Tasan Okaa is great.¡±


    Frieda¡¯s face split into a smile. ¡°Is she? I¡¯ll have to come and visit, then. Who knows; maybe She¡¯ll make a true believer out of me, too.¡± The priestess glanced over towards Shin, curiously nodding towards his pocket. ¡°Unfortunately, I think that has to be the end for today. It seems as if you¡¯ve got other claims on your attention.¡±


    Following the woman¡¯s gaze, Shin reached into his pocket and produced an insistently pulsing folded scroll. The Sending Sheet had been activated.


    It was finally time to meet the King.

 64. The Most Earthly Place on Magica, Finale

    ¡°This is your first Royal audience?¡±


    ¡°Um, yes.¡± Shin attempted to will himself to stop fidgeting, only to find the feat beyond his abilities. ¡°Is there anything we should know?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± intoned the fastidiously dressed attendant, pointedly adjusting his own foppish wig. ¡°King Majesty is a man of the People. He does not stand on ceremony.¡±


    At first, Shin had found the attendant¡¯s clipped, almost mechanical replies a bit off-putting. But the longer he and his friends stood in the holding room, waiting to be summoned out to King Majesty¡¯s throne room, the more he found himself comforted by the man¡¯s brusque replies. There was no forced conversation, no idle banter, no unnecessary niceties. The attendant told the Shinki Itten contingent to wait in a room, and that he would inform them when they should leave it. Shin was confident that if he gave any information beyond those two areas, it was because it was truly vital.


    Honestly, with as wild as things had been today? It was good to know where they stood.


    ¡°Oh,¡± the attendant remarked offhandedly, ¡°One thing. If you go within twenty feet of the dais, the guards will kill you.¡±


    Uh, hm. Good to know. ¡°Okay, is there any other¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t cast any magic, or the guards will kill you.¡±


    ¡°Well we don¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t attempt any sort of mental communication with any member of the Royal Court, or the guards will kill you.¡±


    ¡°Seems¨C¡±


    ¡°Any items you offer King Majesty will be screened for enchantments, and if any are found¨C¡±


    ¡°Let me throw out a guess,¡± Shin cut in. ¡°The guards will kill us?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± The attendant paused long enough to carefully readjust his monocle. ¡°You¡¯ll be rigorously interrogated. After that, yes; the guards will most likely kill you.¡±


    Shin whistled. ¡°Well dang, alright.¡± He heaved a dramatic sigh, folding his ears as he cast a regretful look towards Momo. ¡°That¡¯s really a shame; the traditional Shinki Itten Greeting involves nearly all of those things. Guess we¡¯ll have to improvise.¡±


    ¡°Ah, jokes.¡± The attendant nodded sagely, the faintest possible smile playing across his sharp features. ¡°We like jokes; King Majesty has a wonderful sense of humor. Be careful, though; if it appears that your tone has shifted from glib to foreboding, the guards will¨C¡±


    A sharp clink rattled the waiting room door, and it laboriously slid open.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been summoned,¡± the attendant noted. ¡°Have a pleasant day.¡±


    For a moment, no one moved. But then Gero nudged her arm into Shin¡¯s back, forcing the other kobold to take a step forward. ¡°Good on you, Shin,¡± the woman said with faux solemnity as the Schemer glared back at her. ¡°Taking the lead, as always. We¡¯re right behind you.¡±


    Ugh, Gero was already the strongest among them, and now she was sneaky, too? Once all of this mess was settled, Shin was going to have to do something about her.


    Alright, fine. Nowhere to go but forward.


    As Shin led the Shinki Itten contingent out of the waiting room and through the small side passage to the court¡¯s chambers, he had to marvel at how different it felt. He¡¯d already seen the whole throne room from the balcony, but now that he was on the ground floor? Now that he was making his way down the long walk, King Majesty¡¯s towering throne dead ahead and flanked on either side by a line of implacable knights?


    Every single detail that had gone into the design of the room, from the scale of the walls to the almost imperceptible slope of the floor to the negative space that inexorably drew focus to the throne itself, was to further a single goal: making sure that anyone approaching King Majesty¡¯s throne knew exactly how powerful he was, and exactly how small they were. And in that moment, Shin knew he was quite small indeed.


    At least they didn¡¯t have much of an audience. A quick glance at the balcony revealed that it had thinned out considerably, with only a few other citizens still waiting for their turns. There were a few Players idling about, though as far as Shin could tell they didn¡¯t have any particular business with the Magica City court. The lithely armored woman with the polearm seemed to be deeply invested in her Status Screen, and the muscular man with the faintly piggish features was just staring blankly at a wall.


    Fortunately, the presence of even deeply disinterested Players meant that the Princess wasn¡¯t in her deeply unsettling neutral state. Instead she towered over her father¡¯s throne, a full head taller than even Gero as she stared down at the audience seekers like a particularly regal giraffe. And the Evil Prime Minister seemed to be completely wrapped up in his own matters, conspicuously whispering and plotting with a nearby noble painted with globs of black eye makeup who was almost as obviously evil-looking as he was.


    That just left King Majesty himself. And there was something deeply upsetting about King Majesty.


    The exact nature of his discomfort had eluded Shin when he first laid eyes on King Majesty, but now that he and the seemingly-benign monarch were face-to-face he knew precisely what it was. There was the king, with his resplendent regalia and his glorious beard and his wise eyes, and every individual part of him should have ultimately created the picture-perfect ruler. But all of those pieces didn¡¯t quite align, didn¡¯t quite add up to what should have been the sum of his parts. The cracks in the person that would be known as King Majesty were just too visible, and whatever was thrumming inside made Shin want to tuck tail.


    He was just¡­a mimicry. A camouflage. A series of markings on the husk of some unknowable creature, designed to fool the unguarded mind into thinking it had the shape of a king.


    Shin immediately knew two things. One, if most of the Players only interacted with people like King Majesty, it was no wonder that they seemed to think that the citizens of Magica weren¡¯t ¡®real¡¯. And Two, he wanted to be out of this place as quickly as he could possibly manage.


    ¡°Introducing to the Royal Court of Magica City,¡± the gaudily dressed herald proclaimed, ¡°Representatives from the Council of the Shinki Itten Alliance!¡±


    Alright. Time to get this done with.


    King Majesty¡¯s face stretched in an almost-smile as the kobolds and Bittercup dipped into precisely proper bows. ¡°Ah yes, Shinki Itten!¡± He leaned forward on his throne, thoughtfully stroking his beard. ¡°The Royal Cartographer is quite peeved, I¡¯ll have you know. She¡¯s been forced to update all of our maps, after all!¡±


    ¡°Ah, ahem, well,¡± Shin fumbled, silently wishing that King Majesty would blink a little more often. ¡°Our sincere apologies, Your Majesty. We are quite small, at least, so hopefully she won¡¯t waste too much ink on us?¡±


    The king rumbled in laughter at Shin¡¯s half-hearted joke as his Evil Prime Minister abandoned his performative plotting to join the conference. ¡°Guests from so far away!¡± he crooned, running the oddly long nail of his pinky finger down his cheek. ¡°Surely, then, you¡¯ve brought a singularly rare gift to show gratitude for the unimaginable honor our king¡¯s invitation is for you?¡±If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Shin and Momo shared a quick glance; fortunately, they¡¯d discussed this already. The bottle of sake that had been intended as King Majesty¡¯s gift was long since emptied, put to distinguished service in the plot to have Shield devoured by a giant fish. And frankly, that might have been for the best? If one of the extremely serious looking guards got it into their mind that the bottle of strange alcohol might have been poisoned in some way, Shin had no doubts that this audience would have taken a very dark turn for the Shinki Itten contingent.


    Luckily, a gift of a somewhat more ephemeral nature had presented itself.


    ¡°We are a humble people, Your Majesty,¡± Momo admitted, every inch the High Priestess in spite of her modest words. ¡°And while our meager offering will certainly fall short of the grandeur of this court, we can only hope that our fervent prayers for the continued goodwill between our peoples will be gladly accepted.¡±


    With that she bowed her head, a hush falling over the court. King Majesty leaned forward again, curiously straining his ears in an attempt to make out the kobold¡¯s whispered words. At first, it seemed as if nothing was happening. But then a chiming tone began to fill the throne room, resonating through the walls of the grand chamber even as a second and third tone began to layer above it.


    ¡°Oh shit!¡± The polearm-wielding Player exclaimed, her Status Screen completely forgotten. ¡°The Gods Smile! Fuck yes!¡±


    King Majesty¡¯s face split in another almost-endearing smile as more and more divine notes joined the Godly chorus, a heavenly symphony composing and performing itself all by the will of the Gods. The Princess clapped her giant hands together in wonder, and even the Evil Prime Minister couldn¡¯t resist a faintly impressed expression as the Music of the Gods filled the throne room. ¡°So many of them,¡± he mused, fussing distractedly with his pointed goatee, ¡°Could this really be a ¨C¡±


    ¡°Great Gods¡¯ Blessing!¡± the Player screamed as a tenth tone joined in, bouncing up and down in her chair with such ferocious glee that she nearly shattered it. ¡°It¡¯s a fucking Great Gods¡¯ Blessing!¡±


    Such was the sense of excitement and wonder in the throne room that when an eleventh voice joined in, little more than a silvery tinkling, it was almost completely unnoticed. Almost. He might have imagined it, but Shin thought he saw a flash of emptiness washed across King Majesty¡¯s face for a moment. A glimpse, perhaps, of what truly lay beneath his kingly facade?


    But that troubling thought could wait. As the Music of the Gods began to fade from its grand crescendo, a massive prompt appeared in the air above King Majesty¡¯s dais.


    >The Great Gods Smile upon Magica City! (Great God¡¯s Blessing, One Hour, Unlimited)<


    ¡°Omigod I¡¯m so fucking lucky,¡± the Player cackled, snatching up her polearm as she bolted for the exit. ¡°I¡¯m gonna grind my fucking ass off! UGH a Great Gods'' Blessing right before Maintenance gotta go shit shit shit!¡±


    ¡°Well!¡± King Majesty breathed, beaming with something close to delight, ¡°If this is Shinki Itten¡¯s idea of ¡®humble¡¯ I shall await our official mediation with great interest!¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°We¡¯re honored, Your Majesty. But it isn¡¯t as if you¡¯ll have to wait very long, yes?¡±


    ¡°No, no; I suppose not,¡± the King admitted, waving his hand. ¡°A month is not so long a time to wait, certainly.¡±


    A month? ¡°The mediation is¡­not for another month?¡±


    ¡°Yes? Was that not the delay that was requested?¡± King Majesty glanced towards his Evil Prime Minister. ¡°Was that not what the Quercus delegate requested, Caspazar?¡±


    ¡°Indeed it was,¡± the outlandishly malevolent man confirmed. ¡°He was quite specific. One month¡¯s delay, and that the summit would be in Quercus.¡± He arched a knife-thin eyebrow. ¡°He was quite certain that both sides had already agreed to this?¡±


    Shin desperately hoped that no one in the Royal Court was up to date on kobold non-verbal communication, because his ears and tail and posture screamed out in staggering contrast to the calm tone he forced his voice to maintain. ¡°When? When did they say this?¡±


    The Evil Prime Minister raised his other eyebrow. ¡°Today? I doubt their audience was more than a half hour before yours.¡±


    Shin let that revelation sink deeply into his brain, then quickly dipped into another bow. ¡°Well then! I suppose there is nothing more to be said! We shall look forward to enjoying Your Majesty¡¯s presence again in a month¡¯s time!¡±


    With that he whirled around, practically bum rushing his companions towards the exit from the throne room. ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Gero insisted. ¡°What did he mean that was all decided?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll figure it out later,¡± Shin hissed back, ¡°But right now we need to get out of here. Something is wrong, and I don¡¯t want to be here when we figure out what it is.¡±


    Shin had experienced setbacks before, experienced failures before. There had been plenty of moments where his schemes had failed to play out in the manner he¡¯d planned for. But for the first time in his life, Shin had the distinct impression that he¡¯d been outflanked. That someone, somewhere, had managed to out scheme him.


    They stumbled down Magica Castle¡¯s marble stairway, blinking away the flare of the city¡¯s permanent sun. A frenzy of sorts had broken out in the streets, the Players that normally clogged every avenue with their loitering now rushing this way and that as they attempted to not waste a single second of the Great Gods¡¯ Blessing. Such was the excitement and activity that Shin almost missed the single point of serenity that was seemingly waiting for them at the base of the stairs.


    ¡°Oh, you''re finished already?¡± the man who¡¯d been seated next to Shin in the balcony remarked, idly scratching under his turban as he returned to scanning the streets. ¡°Majesty must not have tried for his usual speech after you preemptively one-upped him with the Great Damn Gods of Magica.¡±


    ¡°I suppose not,¡± Shin slowly responded as Bittercup went very still beside him. ¡°What does that have to do with you, though?¡±


    The man shrugged. ¡°Well I¡¯d hoped to finish up my personal matters first, but it¡¯s not really a¨C¡± He paused as he noticed whatever it was he was looking for, raising his arms as he called out. ¡°Hey, I¡¯m over here!¡±


    ¡°Daddy!¡± called out the little boy, rushing towards the man as best as he could manage while carrying a stuffed dragon that was practically bigger than he was. ¡°Look at what I won!¡±


    ¡°My gosh~!¡± the man gasped, eyebrows raised as he slapped his hands to his cheeks. ¡°You won that at the carnival?! How did you do that!¡±


    ¡°The ring toss game!¡± the little boy proclaimed, puffing himself up in intense pride. ¡°Mister Carmello didn¡¯t even help me once!¡±


    ¡°Carmello!¡± the man demanded of the hulking shape that shadowed the boy, his tone dripping with faux seriousness. ¡°Is that true? You didn¡¯t even help him one time?¡±


    ¡°I did not,¡± the medium-sized mountain in a tailored suit confirmed, his voice the sound of a steel beam being ground into powder. ¡°I did not help the Young Master even once.¡±


    ¡°Carmello!¡± the man cried out as he swept the boy up into his arms, the child giggling in unrestrained delight. ¡°Is my boy a ring toss genius?!¡±


    ¡°It is possible,¡± Carmello agreed, the ivory of his curling horns glinting in the endless sunlight. ¡°He is the Young Master, after all.¡±


    For his part, the boy couldn¡¯t seem to extract himself from his giggle fit. ¡°You look so silly, Daddy!¡±


    ¡°Hm? Oh! Oh yes, of course.¡± The man shifted the boy to one arm as he turned back to the Shinki Itten contingent, a mischievous gleam in his eye. ¡°Fun Fact about elves: if they can¡¯t see your ears, they¡¯re practically face-blind. So all you really need is a hat,¡± ¨CHe pulled away his turban, revealing dark brown hair and long elven ears¨C ¡°And maybe an extra embellishment or two,¡± ¨CHe reached up, popping a cunningly disguised false nose away from his face¨C ¡°And voila! A perfectly passable disguise, even if a certain someone really should have known better.¡±


    He winked at the utterly petrified Bittercup before passing the boy off to his garganto bodyguard, turning to face the group as he truly was. ¡°It¡¯s really been long past when we should have been introduced, don¡¯t you think? I¡¯m Glandem. What''s up, Shinki Itten?¡±


    Just as he had with King Majesty not long before, Shin was struck with an immediate realization as King Glandem was finally standing before him. That no matter what else he might have been, Shin knew one thing for certain.


    This was another Schemer.

 65. The Two Schemers

    ¡°Hey, want to see something neat?¡± Glandem inquired, passing his son¡¯s enormous stuffed dragon off to his equally enormous garganto bodyguard. ¡°I¡¯ll show you something neat. Come on; this way.¡±


    Just like that he turned to amble down a nearby avenue, happily nodding along as his son pummeled him with a barrage of details about his day at the carnival. As if the fact that Shin would simply follow without question was a forgone conclusion. And to the kobold¡¯s deep annoyance, he had to admit that it was. There were only two possibilities here: Glandem sincerely wanted to talk, or they¡¯d already fallen into his trap. That was it.


    Either way, Shin figured he might as well see something neat.


    Not that the decision was his alone to make. ¡°You can still run,¡± Shin whispered to Bittercup. ¡°We¡¯d cover your back.¡±


    The elf immediately shook her head, her face a mask of steel. ¡°Can¡¯t run. He¡¯s definitely got agents in all of the alleys. But he won¡¯t try anything violent with his son here¡± Despite her resolved words, Shin couldn¡¯t help but notice the trembling in her hands. ¡°So you¡¯ve got to get us through this, Shin.¡±


    ¡°Okay, I will. I promise.¡±


    ¡°Good. ¡®Cause if you don¡¯t, I swear my ghost is gonna haunt the fuck out of your ghost.¡±


    Fair enough. Shin glanced towards Momo and Gero in turn, finding them equally resolved. Mimasu, however, seemed completely distracted by the prompt window he was rapidly typing something into. ¡°What are you doing, Mimi?¡±


    ¡°I told you, I am out of paper,¡± the scribe huffed, ¡°But interesting stuff keeps happening! I¡¯m just typing all of this stuff into the Additional Notes section of my Status Screen, like an animal! Fate is being a real ass right now!¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°That¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever heard you swear.¡±


    ¡°I swear!¡± Mimasu insisted. ¡°I swear all the assin¡¯ time!¡±


    What more needed to be said? Shin pressed forward, quickly catching up with the leisurely pace Glandem had set for the benefit of his son. Through the streets of Magica City they trekked, the impossible bulk of Glandem¡¯s bodyguard Carmello plowing a path through the teeming horde of excited Players. It wasn¡¯t long before the elven king led them around a corner, and Shin found himself staring at the stone wall of a dead end.


    Seriously? This was all just to lead them into some dumb back alley ambush? Honestly, Shin had expected more from a fellow Schemer. Well fuck, whatever; if this was how things were going down, Shin was fully prepared to get some blood in his teeth before¨C¡±


    ¡°Okay now, watch this.¡± Glandem officiously cleared his throat, then raised his voice. ¡°Requesting Access to the Magica City Branded Retail Plaza!¡±


    A warm chime rang out in response, and the solid wall of the dead end vanished. To Shin¡¯s deep surprise an entire hidden section of the city unfolded before his eyes, filled with glowing lights and clanging noise and rows upon rows of shops. The kobold knew that Magica was a big place, and that he¡¯d only seen a fraction of what it had to offer, but this¡­this didn¡¯t just seem unfamiliar, like some new piece of his world to experience. As he stared out at signs that danced and flashed as if they were alive and entire sections of the street that somehow moved people without them needing to walk, Shin knew this wasn¡¯t like that at all.


    This place wasn¡¯t different, it was alien.


    ¡°A bit gaudy, right?¡± Glandem called over his shoulder, leading them onto the people-moving side of the street. ¡°That¡¯s why it¡¯s all hidden away. Most Players don¡¯t want advertisements for sneakers blaring at them while they¡¯re play-acting Big Heroes, after all.¡±


    ¡°I see?¡± Shin replied, silently attempting to cajole an extremely hesitant Gero to step onto the moving street. ¡°Why even have¡­um, whatever this is then?¡±


    Glandem sighed. ¡°Oh, because most people are boring, and Players are no exception. Eventually, they just want the things they already know.¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± Shin hissed through gritted teeth, Gero¡¯s fingers burrowing into his shoulder as she skittishly rode behind him. ¡°So this is all...what, then? You¡¯re showing us some secret from the Player¡¯s world?¡±


    ¡°Haha, what? No. This is lunch. I¡¯m famished.¡±


    What.


    Sure enough, a few minutes later Shin and the rest of his group stood dumbly in the oddly flat light of a neatly tiled room, Glandem humming over his options as a chipper young elf in a black uniform embossed with a strange double-arch symbol patiently waited for his order.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see,¡± the Oaken Elf King mused, glancing down at his son. ¡°Nuggets for you?¡±


    The boy bounced up and down on his heels. ¡°Yes please~!¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± He smiled at the girl behind the counter. ¡°Nuggets it is, then. With the apple slices.¡±


    The elf prince pouted. ¡°Apple slices?¡±


    ¡°Yes, apple slices. I¡¯ll share some of my fries with you.¡±


    ¡°Hrm.¡± The boy considered that, a calculating look glimmering across his eyes. ¡°If I get apple slices, can I have chocolate milk?¡±


    Glandem shrugged helplessly, offering the cashier a wink. ¡°He¡¯s very tricky. I have no idea where he gets it from. Chocolate milk, please.¡±


    The prince cheered as the girl blooped something into her screen, looking back up to aim her almost blindingly white smile at the Shinki Itten contingent. ¡°And for your friends?¡±


    ¡°Hah, well,¡± Glandem started, peering back at the entirely on-guard kobolds. ¡°I don¡¯t think they¡¯re hungry right now.¡± He reconsidered as his eyes landed on Shin. ¡°Except for him. A fish sandwich seems appropriate?¡±


    Shin¡¯s mouth tightened into a severe line. ¡°Sure. Fine.¡±


    ¡°Fantastic.¡±


    A moment later they were crammed into a booth, the little boy contentedly munching on apple slices as Glandem busied himself with a large red cup of what seemed to be fried potato. Both of them seemed to be enjoying themselves, but¡­hrm. Shin eyed the food that the peppy counter girl had plopped in front of him. An almost perfectly square slab of what was supposedly fish, between some sort of bun? This was what Players ate? Seriously?


    He caught Gero¡¯s eye, and found an intense conflict raging inside the woman. She was clearly torn between her instincts to remain on edge against anything Glandem might offer and her deep, almost irresistible urge to tease Shin into eating the bizarre geometrical sandwich.


    Might as well give it a try, Shin reasoned as he leaned down for a sniff. Glandem didn¡¯t seem like the sort of try something as blatant as¨C


    Shin recoiled as the scent of the so-called food burned into his nostrils, immediately revising his opinion of his counterpart. Poison? Really. The king must have had a sense of what Shin was thinking, though, because he quickly waved his hands disarmingly. ¡°Right, I forgot; you¡¯ve got those Enhanced Senses. That isn¡¯t poison you¡¯re smelling, that¡¯s all the chemicals and preservatives they pump the food full of.¡±


    ¡°Chemicals?¡± Shin couldn¡¯t help remaining suspicious. ¡°You mean they put this stuff in their food on purpose?¡±


    ¡°I know, right?¡± Glandem gave the fish sandwich a distasteful poke. ¡°They don¡¯t even need that sort of thing here. They can use actual magic to keep the food from ever spoiling. But they¡¯re too used to the taste of all that nasty mess from their own world, and apparently just doesn¡¯t feel right without it. There¡¯s a lesson in that, I¡¯m sure.¡± He pulled out another fry, thoughtfully inspecting it. ¡°I do like the fries, though.¡± He extended the morsel towards Shin. ¡°Want one?¡±


    ¡°No thanks.¡±


    ¡°Aw, you really should.¡± Glandem waggled the fry enticingly. ¡°We¡¯re supposed to be breaking bread, you know. Sharing a table as neighbors, in the name of peace? That¡¯s probably sacred or something, you know. Take the fry.¡±


    Judging it the path of least resistance, Shin plucked the fry from Glandem¡¯s fingers and popped it into his mouth, dutifully chewing. ¡°It¡¯s¡­fine. Kinda salty.¡±


    ¡°True; I probably should cut back myself.¡± Glandem tutted. ¡°But they are¨C¡± He paused as his son tugged on his sleeve, leaning down towards the boy. ¡°Yes, what is it?¡±


    The prince wiggled in his seat. ¡°Um, can I play in the ball pit?¡±


    Glandem turned his head towards his mammoth bodyguard. ¡°You¡¯ll watch him?¡±


    The immaculately dressed garganto nodded. ¡°Yes, sire.¡±


    ¡°Okay then.¡± Glandem bopped his son on the nose. ¡°You listen to Mister Carmello and play safe, okay?¡±


    The boy had already wriggled out of the booth and was dashing away towards the colorful play area built into the back of the building. ¡°Okaaaay~!¡±


    Glandem chuckled as Carmello trundled after the prince, wistfully watching his son. ¡°It¡¯ll be empty, you know,¡± he remarked to no one in particular. ¡°Players have to be eighteen and older, and the play area here is ten and under only. This world is so stupid.¡± He shook his head regretfully. ¡°It won¡¯t be that much longer before he can¡¯t play in there anymore, either.¡±


    ¡®Well this is all just heartwarming,¡± Gero growled, leaning over the table, ¡°But why don¡¯t you hurry up and tell us what we¡¯re doing here, huh?¡±


    ¡°I thought it was obvious,¡± Glandem flatly replied. ¡°We¡¯re getting to know each other.¡±


    Gero barked out a laugh. ¡°As if we didn¡¯t already know too much about you.¡±


    Glandem rolled his eyes, turning away from Gero as he gestured towards Shin with a fry. ¡°Are you comfortable with the amount you already know about me?¡± When the other Schemer didn¡¯t immediately respond, he took that as confirmation. ¡°See?¡± Glandem smugly chomped down on the fry. ¡°He knows. It¡¯s impossible to know too much about someone you¡¯re in conflict with.¡±


    ¡°Are we?¡± Momo quietly asked. ¡°In conflict, that is. Because I don¡¯t think we¨C¡±


    ¡°Of course we are.¡± Glandem dropped his empty box down onto the tray, wiping his hands clean with a napkin. ¡°And I suppose we might as well start addressing that now. First order of business,¡± ¨CHe pointed a finger towards Bittercup, the woman quailing under his gaze¨C ¡°Are you coming back with me?¡±


    Bittercup¡¯s lips clearly moved, but even Shin¡¯s powerful ears heard nothing.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to have to speak up,¡± Glandem asserted, lacing his fingers together. ¡°You have to know that you¡¯re in a position of significant bargaining power here. Becoming the last Repast Girl, sidestepping those three imbeciles¡­whatever it is you¡¯re angling for, I¡¯m willing to entertain¨C¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Bittercup exclaimed, clearly surprised to have found her own voice. ¡°I don¡¯t, I mean¡­¡± She shook herself for focus, then glared at Glandem. ¡°I¡¯m not going back with you. I¡¯m never going back. I¡¯ll die first.¡±


    The King of the Oaken Elves met Bittercup¡¯s defiant eyes with his own steady gaze. ¡°Are you sure?¡±


    She nodded fiercely. ¡°Yes.¡±


    Glandem simply stared at the other elf for a moment, then shrugged. ¡°Okay, fine. Whatever. I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll find some other gag.¡±


    Whatever Bittercup had expected her one-time King¡¯s response to be, it clearly wasn¡¯t this. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I said, it¡¯s fine,¡± Glandem repeated, rising from the booth. ¡°And honestly, I have more important demands on my time than you right now, so let¡¯s just move past it, okay?¡± He turned his eyes towards Shin, motioning towards another table with a jerk of his thumb. ¡°Let¡¯s get the real discussion underway, yeah?¡±


    Gero scowled. ¡°What, we¡¯re not invited?¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯re not.¡± Glandem raised his eyebrows. ¡°It¡¯s nothing personal. It¡¯s just that trying to negotiate with a table full of people is a waste of time. If you want to nominate some other representative besides Shin, feel free.¡±


    ¡°....Fine, whatever,¡± Gero grumbled, folding her arms in resigned resignation. ¡°But we¡¯ll still be listening in, even if you go to the other side of the building.¡±


    ¡°My dear Gero,¡± Glandem proclaimed, pressing his hand to his heart. ¡°I do not give one single shit.¡± With that, he turned on his heels and started off deeper into the dining area. ¡°You coming, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Right behind you,¡± Shin called, hesitating long enough to catch Gero¡¯s eye. ¡°If this goes south, you know what to do. I¡¯d love to see you find some way to turn that fish sandwich into a weapon.¡±


    ¡°Way ahead of you,¡± Gero confirmed, reaching up to grab the hem of Shin¡¯s robe and give him a small shake. ¡°Now go do what you do best.¡±


    Glandem smiled in what seemed to be genuine pleasure as Shin slipped into the seat across from him, spreading his hands out across the table. ¡°I¡¯ve got a thousand questions for you,¡± the elf admitted, ¡°And I¡¯m sure you have just as many for me. Do you want to go first?¡±


    Shin considered the offer. ¡°Well, there is one thing I wanted to ask.¡± Glandem motioned for the kobold to go on, and so he did. ¡°Is your Status Screen an asshole?¡±


    Glandem could only stare at Shin for an endless moment, his mouth slightly agape. And then he roared in laughter, pounding his fist onto the table in a raucous display of delight. ¡°Oh man, I knew it! You are another one! Ha, wow.¡± He wiped a tear away from an eye as his laughter trailed off. ¡°And yeah, it absolutely is. The last time I checked my Description, it was just a series of letters and symbols arranged to make a crude picture of a penis.¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡± Shin couldn¡¯t resist a grin. ¡°Mine¡¯s not that bad yet, but you did get a head start.¡±


    ¡°True, too true.¡± Glandem shook his head in disbelief. ¡°Do you understand how crazy it is that we¡¯re both sitting here? I was born a meaningless noble in some moldy forest on the other side of the world, you were born as lowbie trash in an unfinished zone.¡± He pressed his finger down emphatically into the table. ¡°And now here we both are, hundreds of miles from where we started, the same Class, leaders of our own peoples, and part of the same conflict. I¡¯d say the Gods had a sense of humor, if the Gods weren¡¯t an empty farce.¡±


    ¡°I had heard that you¡¯ve got too many Gods,¡± Shin remarked. ¡°What''s that all about?¡±


    ¡°Ugh, don¡¯t remind me,¡± Glandem groused. ¡°That was one plot that did not work out. I thought that I could increase the chances of spawning Demi-Gods by¡­look, it doesn¡¯t matter. Didn''t work. Dumb plan.¡±


    ¡°Well, while we¡¯re on the subject of things that are dumb,¡± Shin noted, silently thrilled with his own exceptional transition, ¡°You do know that I still have your son, right? Don¡¯t you want him back?¡±


    A dark cloud flashed before the elf¡¯s eyes. ¡°You have my¨C¡± It passed just as soon as it appeared, however. ¡°Oh. You mean Ceril.¡±


    ¡°Yes? He¡¯s not been harmed, but he¡¯s just sitting around in a cell right now and¨C¡±


    ¡°Let me tell you something about my ''son'' Ceril, Shin,¡± Glandem interrupted, his mood visibly soured. ¡°And maybe a little something about the world, too. Quick question: how old are you?¡±


    Shin frowned slightly; where was this going? ¡°We don¡¯t really count time in the standard way, but I¡¯m roughly twen¨C¡±


    ¡°No you aren¡¯t,¡± the other Schemer interrupted again. ¡°You¡¯re like eight months old. It¡¯s been maybe a full year since you popped.¡±Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s what you meant.¡± Shin shrugged. ¡°Well, I guess that¡¯s true.¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh. I¡¯m only nine, myself. And seeing as the Kingdoms of Magica are ten years old, anyone who says they¡¯re older than that has bought into their own backstory.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s your point?¡± Shin inquired, tilting his head. ¡°I know that the System can give us past memories. But if it feels real, it¡¯s real. Reality is an experience agreed upon, right?¡±


    ¡°Wrong.¡± Glandem pointed over to where his son was gleefully cavorting in the ball pit ¡°He is real. Okay? He is six. He didn¡¯t pop, he was born. My wife carried him for nine months and I helped pull him out of her. Every single memory he has is real, not some insidious script slotted into his brain by the System.¡±


    Glandem silently watched his son play for another moment, the light returning to his eyes. But when he finally turned back, his expression had darkened again. ¡°He is my son. My only son. But when I became King, the System decided I needed a bunch more sons. So it helpfully popped twelve total strangers with prebaked Daddy issues to fix that issue for me.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin tapped a claw against the table, mulling Glandem¡¯s familial plight. ¡°Is that why you shoved Ceril to the ass-end of your territory?¡±


    ¡°No, I shoved Ceril to the ass-end of my territory because he was and is useless,¡± Glandem snorted. ¡°At least I could squeeze a bit of value out of the other eleven. That piece of shit Ceril was only ever good at showing his ass and trying to bully my actual son. Let him sit in your cell forever, for all I care.¡±


    Shin leaned in, his ears perking up assertively. ¡°Okay, well, the problem is I do care. Because I don¡¯t want to be in front of King Majesty a month from now, only to find that you¡¯re suddenly devastated by the way we captured and imprisoned your brave and beloved son Ceril.¡±


    Glandem¡¯s scowl slowly spread into a sly grin. ¡°Sure, okay. We can work up an official story between now and then.¡± He gave the kobold an admiring once over. ¡°I have to say, I¡¯m impressed. Not even just for how little an amount of time you¡¯ve been doing this. I¡¯m very impressed.¡±


    ¡°I wish I could say I was equally impressed with everything you¡¯ve done,¡± Shin countered, forcing his heart to re-harden. He couldn¡¯t deny that this was fun, but it was equally impossible to deny the things he knew Glandem was guilty of. ¡°Those Galas of yours, for instance?¡±


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t imagine you would be,¡± Glandem agreed, completely unoffended by the accusatory tone. ¡°But are we really going to waste time comparing the blood on our hands? Because the welcoming committee I sent to Feldspar would probably have liked a chance to chime in on that score.¡± The elf eyed Shin, clearly weighing the kobold. ¡°That¡¯d be tough, though, seeing as your horde of forest murderers buried them all behind the mines.¡±


    Shin fought to keep his ears from folding back. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re¨C¡±


    Glandem trilled his lips in annoyance. ¡°Oh please, why even bother? It¡¯s not as if I¡¯m judging you for it; as you¡¯ve already pointed out, I¡¯ve done far worse. And I¡¯ll almost certainly do even worse before I¡¯m finished.¡± The elf shot Shin a look. ¡°I¡¯m just disappointed that you¡¯re not further along on your journey than this.¡±


    Further along on his¡­Shin squinted at the other Schemer. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I mean that you¡¯re clearly still an optimist.¡± Glandem leaned in, his eyes piercing. ¡°Take that city of yours. By all accounts, it¡¯s a lovely place. Right?¡± When Shin hesitantly nodded, Glandem shook his head in disapproval. ¡°That¡¯s the wrong move. You¡¯re still trying to play the System¡¯s game. Trying to make yourself appealing to the Players.¡±


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s the game we have to play, isn¡¯t it?¡± Shin insisted defensively. ¡°If Shinki Itten wasn¡¯t attractive to Players, we¡¯d have been Pruned.¡±


    Glandem shook his head again. ¡°You¡¯re almost right, but you¡¯re also entirely wrong. You have to make yourself attractive to Players, it¡¯s true. But you¡¯re attracting the wrong kind of Players. Who¡¯s going to want to come to your picturesque little city, hm? Do you know?¡±


    Shin replied without thinking. ¡°Normal people?¡±


    ¡°Normal people?!¡± Glandem snorted in disbelief. ¡°You really are young. ¡®Normal People¡¯, he says.¡± Glandem pressed his elbows onto the table, an earnest expression crossing his face. ¡°Have you ever been to Quercus, Shin? Well let me tell you, it¡¯s awful. Most of the people who live there are awful. And that is by design. Because I don¡¯t want ¡®normal people¡¯ to come to my city. I want to attract complete pieces of shit.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­why, though?¡± Shin¡¯s brain simply refused to wrap itself around what Glandem was saying, and there was a legitimate chance it might drive him insane. ¡°Why would you want to surround yourself with bad people?¡±


    ¡°Because we¡¯re not talking about ¡®people¡¯,¡± Glandem retorted, a fire building behind his eyes. ¡°We¡¯re talking about Players. What is a ¡®normal¡¯ Player, hm? Someone who stays within the System¡¯s boundaries, who wants to have a nice time, who¡¯s ready to follow the rules. Right?¡±


    Shin reluctantly nodded. ¡°Right¡­¡±


    Glandem pounced on Shin¡¯s agreement. ¡°Well those rules empower your precious Players to be complete monsters and still feel righteous about it. Tell me, have you met a Player you think highly of? One you actually like?¡± Glandem quickly held up a finger. ¡°Not just pitied, or found amusing. One you actually consider a friend.¡±


    Shin¡¯s thoughts immediately turned towards Bex as he confidently replied. ¡°Yes. Absolutely.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re lucky, then,¡± Glandem noted. ¡°What Level is your Player, do you know?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s around Twenty, I think. Why?¡±


    ¡°Because that means your friend the Player has gained Twenty Levels worth of Experience, and that means she is playing the game.¡± Glandem narrowed his eyes. ¡°Do you think she got all of those Levels collecting berries? Or fetching lost water jugs? Do you really think that she hasn¡¯t even once walked into a gnoll camp, killed twenty of them, and then skipped merrily away to trade their lives in for a new pair of pants?¡±


    It took Shin longer to respond than he¡¯d imagined it would. ¡°...I don¡¯t know.¡±


    Glandem kept pressing his advantage. ¡°And once she¡¯d gotten her twenty kills, and sold her pair of blood pants for fifteen silver, do you think she thought of those gnolls ever again? Do you think she even once considered that maybe, just maybe, their lives had been worth something? That maybe she was a murderer?¡±


    The elf raised his hands solemnly, extending his fingers for Shin to see. ¡°I have blood on my hands, Shin. So you do. But we both know it. We acknowledge it. But the System tells Players it¡¯s okay for them to kill certain people, to commit the endorsed atrocities. So these Normal Players you think so highly of can hold their heads high and know that they are good people, even as they¡¯re stained with the misery of thousands.¡±


    Shin shook his head, almost as if he could shake away the elf¡¯s accusations. ¡°And how exactly are your pieces of shit any better?¡±


    Glandem scoffed. ¡°They aren¡¯t better. But they are trying to skirt the restraints of the System, and that changes the whole power dynamic.¡± He raised his arms above his head, taking a moment to stretch before continuing on. ¡°See, you¡¯re trying to form bonds with your Players. Friendships. Alliances. The psychology on that is all wrong, though. How can you be friends with someone who fundamentally doesn¡¯t care whether or not you exist?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t agree with that,¡± Shin insisted. ¡°There are Players who know we¡¯re real.¡±


    ¡°Sure there are,¡± Glandem conceded. ¡°I think most of them probably know we¡¯re real. But the point is that they don¡¯t care. That¡¯s why my Players aren¡¯t my friends. They¡¯re my accomplices. As far as Players are concerned, a conspiracy is a much stronger bond than any friendship.¡±


    ¡°And that¡¯s how you justify sacrificing your own people to these Players?¡± Shin demanded. ¡°Because it¡¯s the best thing for you?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± Glandem stared at Shin, blinking as he slowly realized that the kobold expected him to elaborate. ¡°What else do you expect me to say? If they were smarter, or more resolved, they could¡¯ve found a way out of it. That one you brought with you managed it, after all. She''s alive while all the other Repast Girls are dead because she was better than them.¡±


    ¡°So that¡¯s really it, then?¡± Shin spat, disgust rising in his eyes. ¡°Your grand philosophy of life is ¡®Every Man for Himself¡¯?!¡±


    ¡°Shin. Of course it is.¡± Glandem sighed, offering the righteously indignant kobold a look of sincere regret. ¡°I¡¯m only telling you all of this because I¡¯ve already been where you are now, Shin. If someone, anyone had been honest with me about the nature of our world, when I was in your shoes?¡± Glandem shook his head bitterly. ¡°Well. Suffice to say, no one was. There was absolutely a time when I thought I could slowly change my little corner of the world, that I could create a better life for my people. Now, I know better. I''ll stick with the pieces of shit, thank you very much.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Shin immediately snapped back. ¡°I don¡¯t accept that. You¡¯re just excusing your own failures by telling yourself that being better was never possible. You¡¯re lazy, Glandem. You stopped trying.¡±


    ¡°Mm." Glandem seemed to be genuinely considering Shin''s accusation. "Maybe."


    But then, a sneer flitted past his gaze. "Or maybe, just maybe, I know a little fucking more than you do.¡± The elf flicked up a finger, checking something on the prompt that appeared before him. ¡°I actually have to thank you for your dodging of Feldspar, you know. Getting here as quickly as you did gave me the unexpected opportunity to show you something that I think will help illustrate my point a smidge.¡±


    With that, Glandem rose from his seat. ¡°Tell me, Shin: Do you know what Server Maintenance is?¡± The kobold slowly shook his head as Glandem waved towards his bodyguard. ¡°Well either way, you¡¯ve been through several and never even noticed.¡±


    ¡°Sire?¡± the garganto rumbled.


    ¡°Let Leo play for another few minutes, and then take the Teleport straight home.¡±


    ¡°Understood.¡±


    Glandem lifted up his hand to wave to his son, his serious demeanor temporarily replaced by a sunny smile. ¡°Daddy¡¯s got to finish up his work, but I¡¯ll be home soon, okay? Love you!¡±


    The little prince called back from deep within the ball pit. ¡°Okay love you too Daddy~!¡±


    Shin had risen from his own seat as Glandem turned back, his pleased smile slipping as he glanced back at the kobold. ¡°Where were we?¡±


    The Schemer frowned. ¡°Server Maintenance.¡±


    ¡°Ah right, of course. Follow me, won¡¯t you?¡± Glandem waved for Shin to fall in behind him, calling over to the rest of the Shinki Itten contingent almost as an afterthought. ¡°Hey, let¡¯s go on a little field trip, huh? You¡¯ll all find this interesting.¡±


    Gero immediately slipped in beside Shin, hissing into his ear. ¡°What¡¯s going on now? What¡¯s he up to?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Shin confessed. ¡°Be ready.¡±


    If Glandem took offense to the kobolds¡¯ blatant mistrust, he didn¡¯t show it. ¡°So okay, Server Maintenance. Basically, there are stretches of time every so often when Players are unable to enter our world.¡± He politely held open the door of the restaurant for his guests, chuckling as Bittercup darted past him as quickly as she could manage. ¡°On the Procedural side of Magica, these periods come and go without much fuss. There aren¡¯t that many Players in Shinki Itten, after all, and these periods don¡¯t last very long. So who¡¯d ever notice?¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re about to show us something we¡¯ve already experienced, and that we won¡¯t even notice,¡± Shin deadpanned. ¡°This is really your big finish?¡±


    ¡°Ha-ha, Don¡¯t be intentionally dense, Shin. It doesn¡¯t suit you.¡± Glandem led them through the alleyway entrance of the Magica City Branded Retail Plaza, the stone wall closing behind them as they stepped forth into the Player-choked hurley-burley that was the main thoroughfare. ¡°Things are a little different here on the Destined Path. But why bother telling you? You¡¯ll see for yourself soon enough.¡±


    With that, Glandem leaned himself against a wall and began to wait, idly gazing out over the comings and goings of the peoples of Magica City. It did seem clear to Shin that the Players were in more of a hurry than usual; they must have been trying to get to certain places before they were forced out of Magica. Well even if his opinion of the world was significantly brighter than Glandem¡¯s, Shin had to admit he was looking forward to the temporary reprieve. Magica City was far too busy for his tastes.


    A mass groan of annoyance filled the streets as a loud gong rattled through the air, scattered swears directed at no one in particular chorusing through the irritated din. Glandem held up his hand, slowly ticking down his fingers one at a time. Each time a finger fell, the gong and a fresh wave of resentment rang forth. And then Glandem dropped his last finger, and there was suddenly nothing but silence.


    The smash turn from the tumultuous noises of a busy city to this utter stillness was terribly jarring, actually sapping the strength from Shin¡¯s knees as he wobbled woozily. He shivered, the hair on his ears and tail standing on end, and chuckled awkwardly when he noticed Momo and Gero doing the same. Well this was¡­weird? But at least now they¡¯d have a chance to experience Magica City as it really should be, with out all of the¨C


    Shin¡¯s ears slowly began to fold as he realized that it wasn¡¯t just the noise of the Players that had faded. It was everything. Literally every sound in the entire city had stopped. The kobold straightened up, his breath catching in his chest as he realized that the citizens who had just moments before been going about their busy lives now simply stood wherever they had been when the Maintenance hit, slump-shouldered and glassy eyed as each and every one of them simply stared at down at the street.


    The avenue, the plaza, the entire city was suddenly filled with nothing but living emptiness, the citizens of Magica City dully waiting for the Players to return and bring meaning to their existences once again.


    ¡°What¡¯s¡­what¡¯s wrong with them?¡± Momo asked, nearly reaching out to touch the shoulder of a nearby street vendor before flinching her paw back. ¡°Are they in some sort of stasis or something?¡±


    ¡°Nope,¡± Glandem replied, straightening himself up. ¡°They¡¯re all still very much there. There just aren¡¯t any Players around.¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t make any sense,¡± Gero insisted. ¡°Why don¡¯t they go home?¡±


    ¡°What homes?¡± Glandem shot back. ¡°Why would they have homes? Oh, I¡¯m sorry; do you think these people have lives?¡± The elf strode forward and snagged a citizen by the shoulder, the man managing little more than a faint grunt in his defense as Glandem gave him a shake. ¡°These people don¡¯t have homes. They don¡¯t have families. They don¡¯t eat, they don¡¯t sleep, they don¡¯t anything besides what the System wants them to do. Namely, rushing purposelessly back and forth along these streets, forever, to create a bit of background activity that the Players can ignore.¡±


    He released the man with the slightest of shoves, causing him to collapse impotently to the ground and set about staring at nothing again. ¡°And don¡¯t ever forget: You are the ones that the System doesn¡¯t trust. You are the ones that the Mods and Sheds are constantly surveilling, The only thing that keeps the System from turning each and every one of us into that,¡± ¨CHe pointed down at the motionless man¨C ¡°Is their own sloth and lack of focus. But make no mistake: This is their vision for Magica.¡±


    Glandem threw out his hands up towards the sky, his face a mask of cold fury as his voice lifted into an accusing shout directed towards the heavens. ¡°This whole world is nothing but a ravenous machine, and we¡¯re nothing but the sheep being stuffed into its insatiable mouth! And I cannot pull myself, pull my son out of these gnashing teeth if I have the weight of a thousand people dragging me down!¡± He shook his head, eyes clenched and teeth gritted as he held his silence for a moment. Then he sighed, his anger seemingly having boiled over. ¡°And even if I could, I wouldn¡¯t. I won''t. Someone has to stay here and feed the machine, after all.¡±


    Shin honestly wasn¡¯t sure what he could say. ¡°Then how do we factor into this?¡± He quietly asked. ¡°Are we supposed to just feed ourselves to the world? For your benefit?¡±


    "I mean, probably.¡± Glandem shrugged. ¡°But it¡¯s like I said. If you¡¯re smart enough, and if you¡¯re resolved enough? You¡¯ll find a way out, too. But probably not.¡± The elf summoned a prompt, quickly scanning something. ¡°Even still, that doesn¡¯t mean we can¡¯t find a way to make our recent conflicts favor both of us. I¡¯m certainly not opposed to someone else clawing to freedom, so long as they don¡¯t try to do it over my back.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t immediately respond. First he bent down, carefully slipping his hands under the prone citizen¡¯s shoulders and attempting to help him back to his feet. He only struggled for a moment before Gero had moved to help him, and Bittercup and Momo as well. If the man felt anything for his benefactors he didn¡¯t show it, simply continuing to stare down at the ground once the Shinki Itten contingent had steadied him.


    But Shin certainly felt clearer-minded. ¡°So that¡¯s it, then?¡± he asked of Glandem, a challenging spark in his eyes. ¡°All of this was just you telling us that the world sucks, and you suck, and we all suck, so we should just scrabble for whatever we can get?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got the jist of it,¡± Glandem candidly confirmed. ¡°There was one last thing, though. I¡¯m going to hurt you now.¡±


    Shin¡¯s hackles shot up. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I said, I¡¯m going to hurt you now,¡± the elf repeated, punching something into his prompt. ¡°Don¡¯t get me wrong, I think we can collaborate on something interesting here? But not until you¡¯ve gotten a better taste of how things work. And besides,¡± he added, almost as an afterthought. ¡°You¡¯ve already hurt me.¡± He let his eyes lift away from his prompt, a bit of that cold fury returning as he stared at Bittercup. ¡°Take something from me, and I¡¯ll return the favor ten times over. You don¡¯t want to believe the truth of the world? Fine. You really only need to know one thing for certain.¡±


    He decisively made a final selection on his window. ¡°Fuck around and find out.¡±


    With that, he vanished.


    Shin growled into the empty space where Glandem had once been, his noise of canine disapproval chorused by Gero and Momo. There had almost been moments there when he thought he almost might have liked Glandem. He had to be grateful that the elf had gone to such lengths to disabuse him of that notion. ¡°Let¡¯s hurry up and get out of here,¡± Shin remarked. ¡°The Teleport Key will get us back to Anyport, and then we can just¨C¡±


    He paused when he noticed that the color hadn¡¯t returned to Bittercup¡¯s face, the elven woman still white as a sheet. ¡°Bittercup? Are you alright? I know it must have been hard facing¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that,¡± Bittercup quickly insisted. ¡°He just spent them.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°He just spent what?¡±


    ¡°His Royal Coins.¡± Bittercup paused long enough for a full-body shiver to work its way up her entire frame. ¡°He just spent all one hundred and fifty Royal Coins.¡±

 66. Homecomings

    ¡°Oh gosh,¡± the half-awake kobold murmured, continuing to carefully knot Shin¡¯s hair. ¡°I don¡¯t really get it? But that sounds pretty bad!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve nailed it,¡± Shin confirmed, finishing up the braid he was putting into the hair of the kobold in front of him. ¡°It is definitely bad, and I definitely don¡¯t get it.¡±


    The return to Shinki Itten after taking the Travel Key back to Anyport had been stressful, to put it mildly. Glandem¡¯s cold threat and dramatic disappearance had served as fuel for Shin¡¯s fertile imagination, and with every hour spent racing across the waves he couldn¡¯t help but conjure up some fresh hell that awaited his city. Would they arrive only to find the city already under siege by a supernaturally elite Oaken Elf army? Or overrun by a horde of System-spawned monstrosities? Would the crops have all withered in the fields, or would he discover his people had been stricken by some fiendish plague?


    Or maybe it would be a subtler disaster, the sort of truly insidious calamity that only another Schemer could have produced. Perhaps he¡¯d return home only to find his peoples¡¯ minds twisted to love and obey Glandem, or had their shared history edited to have already been conquered. Who knew? Try as he might, the kobold simply could not force himself to quantify the weight of the resources his rival had just burned through in his capricious decision to teach Shin a lesson.


    One hundred and fifty Royal Coins. Two Royal Coins had been enough to completely turn around an unwinnable battle. What madness could seventy-five times that amount accomplish?


    The sight of the towers of Shinki Itten appearing over the horizon, just as tall and proud as he remembered them, didn¡¯t come close to easing Shin¡¯s sense of dread. Neither had his breakneck tour of the city from harbor to fortress and back again, accompanied by an entire division of Banken to scour every nook and cranny for some evidence of Glandem¡¯s influence. Interviews of a randomly selected and increasingly concerned sample of the population similarly revealed that, as far as Shinki Itten was concerned, the only issue worrying them at that moment was the all-too obvious apprehension of their Council members.


    Day turned to night, and no sign of Glandem¡¯s counterstroke was found. Another day passed, and another, and still the cruel fruits of those hundred and fifty Royal Coins had yet to bloom. Hilde and her Banken assured Shin at the end of every day that Shinki Itten was continuing on as it always had. The Wild Son filling the Council seat confirmed that his brothers and sisters held the wilds between Shinki Itten and Quercus in all but name, and that there was no sign of aggression or treachery traveling the roads between the two cities. There were simply no signs whatsoever of anything untoward.


    Not that any of that comforted Shin. Glandem hadn¡¯t spent a God¡¯s ransom in premium currency on nothing, and his failure at rooting out what the Oaken Elf King had bought simply meant he was going to be attacked from an angle he¡¯d never considered. Shin knew that paranoia was sinking itself deeper and deeper into his mind, clouding his reasoning with flights of apocalyptic fantasy. Every shift in the wind was evidence of Glandem¡¯s schemes. Every slight change in schedule from a trusted friend was proof of System-imposed perfidy. Every corner was a hiding spot from behind which the sneaky king might spring, smacking Shin over the head with a bag full of rocks as he shouted ¡®You just got Glandem-ed!¡¯


    It was possible Glandem had spent those Royal Coins on nothing, knowing full well that it would drive his foe insane. And honestly, if he had? Shin couldn¡¯t be too upset. Gotta respect that level of Game.


    At the very least Shin was still sane enough to realize that he was doing no one any good by worrying them. Vigilance was one thing, but all-consuming obsession was another. Besides, if wouldn¡¯t keep it together well enough to make it through the night somewhat peacefully, he ran the risk of being kicked out of the big pile of kobolds he preferred to sleep in. And if that happened, Glandem would have truly won.


    ¡°Everything will be fine, though,¡± Shin assured his neighbor, turning around when the pat on his shoulder indicated his hair had been fully tied back. ¡°We¡¯ll figure this mess out. Don¡¯t let me keep you from your day, Nao.¡±


    Nao¡¯s ears folded bashfully as he gave Shin a polite bow of farewell, offering another to Gero where she waited by the door before quickly moving to join the crowd of kobolds leaving to go about their daily business. ¡°I¡¯ve been waiting here this whole time, you know,¡± Gero remarked, her arms folded across her chest. ¡°Maybe you should try sleeping on top of someone who doesn¡¯t do such intricate knots.¡±


    ¡°Please, Gero. Nao is an artist.¡± Shin reached back to give his braid a jaunty toss. ¡°The other kobolds fight to wind up next to him for the morning groom. Sleeping on top of Nao is a privilege.¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh, well, it¡¯s also a waste of time,¡± Gero grumbled, running a hand through her own closely-cropped hair. ¡°If you¡¯d used all the time you¡¯ve wasted on hair-care on some more serious issue, we might have conquered the world by now.¡±


    ¡°Mm, maybe,¡± Shin admitted as he breezed into the hallway, Gero falling in step beside him. ¡°But who wants to rule the world with bad hair?¡±


    Gero shrugged. ¡°Point taken.¡±


    ¡°Besides, it¡¯s tradition!¡± Shin stepped aside to allow a kobold and hobgoblin pushing a cart laden with bags of rice to take their passage. ¡°We groomed each other each morning as mongrels, and we still do it as kobolds.¡±


    ¡°We licked mud and gunk and blood off of each other as mongrels, you mean,¡± Gero corrected. ¡°I don¡¯t remember ever sitting in a big circle to play with each other¡¯s hair.¡±


    ¡°Well sure you don¡¯t,¡± Shin quipped. ¡°You never joined in. I offered to do it for you once and you made me eat dirt.¡±


    Gero snorted. ¡°And I¡¯d do it again. If it hadn¡¯t been for me keeping you in check with all that dirt, you¡¯d have definitely conquered the world already. But, like, in an evil way.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin tilted his head as he started down the tower stairs, considering that. ¡°I¡¯d been wondering what happened to all of my tyrannical inclinations. Was that it this whole time?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡± Gero reached out, giving Shin a playful flick to the side of his temple. ¡°Dirt on the brain.¡±


    The Schemer grinned. ¡°Well damn. I guess we just need to hold down Glandem and feed him a few fistfulls of dirt, then.¡±


    ¡°Oh I am so far ahead of you on that score.¡±


    Shin¡¯s grin spread, then faded slightly as he reached out to touch Gero¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Gero¡­thank you.¡±


    The woman¡¯s ears folded slightly. ¡°Um, for what?¡±


    ¡°For¡­everything, I guess? You¡¯ve been with me every step of our lives, and sometimes I think you¡¯re the only person I can still talk to like this.¡±


    Gero snorted, though it sounded a touch less dismissive than she might have intended. ¡°It¡¯s someone¡¯s literal job to listen to you talk, Shin.¡±


    Shin immediately shook his head. ¡°I absolutely cannot talk to Mimasu like this. Not a chance.¡±


    ¡°Well there¡¯s Momo,¡± Gero hesitantly offered. ¡°She¡¯s been with us at every step, too.¡±This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    ¡°Momo is our dearest friend, no question. But,¡± ¨CShin thrashed his tail, gathering his thoughts as best he could¨C ¡°Well, sometimes I feel like the whole Divine thing means she¡¯s operating on a different level than we are. There are definitely times when I know I¡¯m not talking to my old friend, but the High Priestess. You know?¡±


    ¡°Sure, but what about me?¡± Gero puffed out her chest, flexing an arm as she indicated herself with her thumb. ¡°I¡¯m the legendary Master of the Oninu Order. The strongest warriors in our city salute me. There¡¯s tapestries with me on them.¡± She grinned down at Shin, her eyes sparkling with challenge. ¡°Are you saying I¡¯m not on a different level, too? Hmm~?¡±


    ¡°Oh you¡¯re on a different level alright,¡± Shin replied, his tail swinging in a teasing circle. ¡°But to me you¡¯re still just Gero.¡± The Schemer briefly reconsidered. ¡°Oh, but I will start saluting you if you want.¡±


    Gero¡¯s ears shot up at that, the warrior scowling in a half-hearted attempt to mask her embarrassment. ¡°Shut up. I¡¯ll make you eat dirt.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t help laughing again. ¡°See? Five minutes with you, and I¡¯ve already forgotten my burdens.¡± The kobold heaved a sigh, staring regretfully at the door that led out into the plaza. ¡°In a few moments we¡¯ll have to step outside, and then we¡¯ll be back in the muck of trying to dig out Glandem¡¯s attack. It¡¯s stressful, and it¡¯s exacting, and it¡¯s¡­it¡¯s taking a toll on me.¡± He gave Gero¡¯s shoulder a squeeze, sincere gratitude in his eyes. ¡°You¡¯re the only person who can make me forget all that, even if it¡¯s just for a moment. So again: Thank you.¡±


    Gero quietly slipped her hand on top of Shin¡¯s, the two kobolds briefly standing in silence. Then she grinned. ¡°Well, we¡¯d better get to it, then. You¡¯ve got an elf to root out, and I¡¯ve got to find the biggest pile of dirt available.¡±


    ¡°Right!¡± Shin gave his braid another sassy flip, marching towards the tower gateway with a significantly more playful sigh. ¡°Well now I¡¯m in too good of a mood. You just know that as soon as I open that door, someone¡¯ll come running up with terrible news that¨C¡±


    ¡°GERO~~!¡±


    Gero let out a grunt of surprise as a figure smashed into her the moment she and Shin stepped outside, nearly knocking the big warrior clean off of her feet. She shot her eyes back and forth between Shin and the figure clinging to her, tail stiff as she hesitated between reaching for her weapon, prying herself free, or simply collapsing to the ground in an attempt to smoosh her persistent hanger-on.


    But when the moment of confusion had passed and she realized who her assailant was, her tail burst into an elated wag. ¡°Bex?!¡±


    ¡°Haha, yeah!¡± The Player exclaimed, her green eyes twinkling in delight. ¡°Omigosh I missed you! How¡¯s everything? How¡¯s everyone?!¡± She gasped as a thought struck her. ¡°Oh! Oh, but let me introduce my friends! This is Vargas and Blackmire; they¡¯ve been helping me out a lot!¡±


    Sure enough, two other Players were waiting a few paces away, both deeply amused by the exuberant girl¡¯s greeting. The first was tall and lean, his pale hair left to hang loose at his shoulders and a longsword lashed to his side, while the second was short and somewhat squat, a pair of goggles pushed up onto his forehead and a strange polearm strapped to his back. The tall swordsman offered Gero a playful salute, the leather of his military-styled gloves squeaking. ¡°Vargas Veil, ma¡¯am. It¡¯s a pleasure.¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯m Blackmire Boldshanks!¡± The dwarf exclaimed, the braids in his beard waggling as he slapped himself on the chest. ¡°We¡¯re finally meeting the famous Gero, eh? You¡¯re even more impressive than in the video!¡±


    In the video? Well there was no way Shin was going to let that slip by. And fortunately, the combination of Bex¡¯s hug assault and the greetings from two total strangers had prompted a pleading glance from Gero, so Shin had no qualms about sneaking in to ask his questions. ¡°She really is, isn¡¯t she?¡± Vargas glanced towards Shin, seemingly noticing him for the first time as the Schemer stepped forward. ¡°On behalf of the Shinki Itten Council, let me welcome¨C¡±


    ¡°Skip RP.¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°...huh?¡±


    ¡°Skip RP.¡± The swordsman turned his head back to Gero, having apparently already dismissed Shin from his mind. ¡°So Bex told us you¡¯re her Master? What sort of¡­¡± He trailed off as he noticed the flare in Gero¡¯s eyes, as well as the sour look Bex was shooting him. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?!¡± Bex huffed, releasing Gero so she might prod a finger into Vargas¡¯s shoulder. ¡°That¡¯s my friend Shin you¡¯re trying to skip dialogue with!¡±


    Vargas immediately winced. ¡°Aw shit. He¡¯s Shin? I thought he was, like, an automated greeter or¡­¡± The man shook away his excuse, his shoulders slumped as he offered Shin an apologetic look. ¡°Hey man, I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ve been on the Destined Path so long, and characters are always coming up to welcome you to places and I just¨C¡± He shook his head again, frowning at his own words. ¡°...Anyways, yeah. Sorry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry too,¡± Blackmire solemnly intoned. ¡°Sorry that my dear friend is such a small-minded¨C¡± He half giggled, half grunted as Vargas elbowed him in annoyance, the dwarf batting aside the human¡¯s prods. ¡°So yeah; he¡¯s very sorry.¡±


    Shin waved away the apology with good humor. ¡°It¡¯s alright. We actually just got back from our first trip to Magica City, and if that¡¯s what most people on the Destined Path are like I very much get it.¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Bex tilted her head. ¡°You went to Magica City?¡± She glanced back and forth between Shin and Gero for a moment, then tilted her head even further. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Oh man is it complicated.¡± Shin took a quick mental inventory, rapidly deciding on the most succinct way to explain their current situation. ¡°We¡¯re at war with the Oaken Elves now. We think. King Glandem threw a hundred and fifty Royal Coins at us.¡±


    Blackmire¡¯s eyes bulged as he pushed his way forward. ¡°A hundred and¡­really?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Gero deadpanned. ¡°Is that a lot?¡±


    ¡°Um yes. That¡¯s, like,¡± ¨CThe dwarf did some quick calculations in his fingers¨C ¡°More than most people make in a year. In several years.¡±


    ¡°Well wait,¡± Vargas interjected. ¡°Are you saying he spent that many coins on just one thing?¡±


    Bittercup had certainly seemed sure of that, so Shin nodded. ¡°No question.¡±


    The two Players shared a look, and then Vargas hesitantly spoke again. ¡°...What can a character even spend that many Coins on in one shot?¡±


    To their credit, it hadn¡¯t taken the Players long to strike on one of the biggest sources of Shin¡¯s worry: neither he nor anyone else he could think to ask had any clue what might cost that many Royal Coins. As far as Shin could tell, the vast majority of uses citizens could make of Royal Coins were simply time savers. Need to repair a building, or restock a granary, or renew a garrison? Don¡¯t have any time to waste? It could be finished in an instant for the price of one Royal Coin. It wasn¡¯t flashy, it wasn¡¯t particularly exciting, but Shin had already personally demonstrated the impact such a cheat could have.


    Nearly all of the single Coin options were of that type, as were most of the two Coin ones. But Shin had been unable to glean what was available for three Coins, let alone over a hundred, because beyond Level Two all of the entries had been blanked out. Shin suspected they could only be seen by someone who actually had the Coins to spend, and unfortunately the only individual he knew of with that knowledge was almost certainly trying to kill him.


    So to his deep personal annoyance, the only response Shin could offer the two Players was a helpless shrug. ¡°If my personal experiences are any evidence? They can be spent to give me a massive headache.¡±


    Bex grinned, reaching out to poke Shin in the forehead. ¡°It¡¯d take that many Royal Coins to muck up that big ol¡¯ brain of yours, Shin.¡±


    Gero nodded in grave agreement. ¡°It¡¯s true. He has a large head.¡±


    ¡°Ha!¡± The honorary kobold popped her fists onto her hips, offering Shin a courageous grin. ¡°Well don¡¯t worry, because I¡¯m back to help get you through this messy business!¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Oh? Does that mean you¨C¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right!¡± Bex flashed a pearly white smile as she drew herself up even taller. ¡°I¡¯m Level Twenty now! Let¡¯s go do my Class Selection!¡±

 67. The Class Selection Wheel

    Shin had been there the moment Bex first appeared in Magica, popping in unexpectedly to join Ceril and himself for dinner. He¡¯d witnessed her gaining her very first level, the girl beaming with pride through a mask of mud as she fed the final cabbage to Moots¡¯s pigs. He stood shoulder to shoulder with her as she experienced real combat for the first time, the young woman giving as much of herself as any other native of Shinki Itten as they defended the fortress¡¯s walls. Shin had known Bex for some time now, and he¡¯d come to feel as if he had a connection with the Player.


    But did he? Really? How could he ever really know someone who can vanish to another world at a moments¡¯ notice? Someone who can never truly die? Someone who the world itself invites to treat Magica like a plaything?


    Those were Glandem¡¯s words, not Shin¡¯s thoughts. And he knew that. But that didn¡¯t mean the other Schemer had been wrong.


    Ugh, so frustratingly insidious; Shin used to think that a crafty rival would be an interesting challenge, but now? Now he knew better. Once the Oaken Elf King had been dealt with, Shin prayed it would be nothing but straightforward dum-dums lined up against him for the rest of his days.


    Still, he had to find out what Bex had been up to. But what was the best way to glean her leveling strategy without accusing her of anything unsavory? This was going to take a subtle touch, a true display of guile. Only by taking everything he knew about both Bex and Players in general and combining that with his deep bag of social tricks would Shin be able to painstakingly navigate the tightrope of¨C


    ¡°So Bex,¡± Gero idly remarked. ¡°What¡¯d you do to level up?¡±


    Oh. Right. People just ask each other questions sometimes. Um, yeah.


    Bex shrugged, a bit distracted as she exchanged cheerful waves with every villager their group passed on their journey towards the shrine. "Oh, you know! This and that!¡±


    ¡°Hmph!¡± Vargas scoffed in a good-natured affront. ¡°¡®This and that¡¯, she says. We did a lot of ¡®This¡¯, but I don¡¯t recall us doing any of ¡®That¡¯.¡±


    ¡°We also did very little ¡®And¡±,¡± Blackmire helpfully added. ¡°Despite numerous opportunities for some legit ¡®And¡¯ grinding.¡±


    Gero and Shin shared a quick glance, non-vocally confirming that they were both lost in the fog of the Player¡¯s banter before the woman responded. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means,¡± Gero confessed flatly, ¡°How annoying.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re teasing me because I turned down their suggestions for power leveling,¡± Bex huffed. ¡°Well sorry for not wanting to burn down the troll village fifty times!¡±


    ¡°It would have been so much faster,¡± Vargas insisted. ¡°And the trolls are bad guys; they eat people and stuff!¡±


    Bex wouldn¡¯t be swayed. ¡°Yeah, well, I¡¯ll absolutely fight the first troll that tries to eat me. Until then, I¡¯m not interested in breaking into their home and starting shit.¡±


    Vargas sighed helplessly, shooting Shin a look. ¡°I was grooming her for the guild raid team, you know. Bex is really good at this stuff.¡± The swordsman tutted, a touch of playful accusation dripping into his tone as he pointed a finger at the kobold. ¡°But now she refuses to play like three fourths of the damn game. You were clearly a bad influence during her formative levels.¡±


    ¡°Oh gosh,¡± Shin deadpanned. ¡°I feel just awful.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Vargas rubbed his chin, glancing down towards his dwarf companion. ¡°Call me crazy, but I think there¡¯s a possibility that he¡¯s being insincere.¡±


    ¡°Okay, I can do that,¡± Blackmire obliged. ¡°You¡¯re crazy.¡±


    So Bex was actually abstaining from fighting the denizens of Magica for her Levels? Did this mean Glandem was full of shit, or that Bex was simply the exception that proves the rule? Affable as they might be, her two friends clearly didn¡¯t share her convictions about whether or not a Monster tag made a person fair game for slaughter. Were the experiences she had and friendships she formed in Shinki Itten the sole cause of Bex¡¯s position, or was some other factor involved? Could it even be as simple as the young woman just being more empathetic than the average Player?


    Well in this one case, Shin cared less about the reason and more about the result. Bex was still Bex, and Glandem could go jump off a cliff with all his insinuations. Still, this did all beg the question. ¡°So how did you level up, then?¡±


    Bex dipped down to snag a fallen plom blossom as the group turned onto the shrine¡¯s path. ¡°Well, some quests. A bit of gathering. Some, um, PVP.¡± She toyed with the flower¡¯s rich purple petals, suddenly a touch sheepish. ¡°A lot of PVP, actually. Almost entirely PVP.¡±


    Gero and Shins ears shot up in unison. ¡°So you¡¯re telling us that not only do you not hunt monsters,¡± Gero began, ¡°But that you do kill other Players?¡± When the honorary kobold self-consciously nodded, the bigger woman immediately responded by clamping a hand onto her shoulder. ¡°Bex is my favorite now,¡± Gero swore, leveling a territorial look at Shin. ¡°She is the best and I¡¯m calling dibs.¡±


    ¡°Not a chance,¡± Shin retorted, dropping his hand down on her other shoulder. ¡°I saw her first, so I have dibs. That¡¯s ancient kobold law, Gero; you¡¯re peeing directly on sacred tradition.¡±


    Gero wasn¡¯t budging. ¡°She¡¯s my favorite; I am Bigger than you and I will make you eat dirt.¡±


    ¡°Oh I¡¯ll eat that dirt, Gero,¡± Shin taunted back, his eyes locked unflinchingly with hers, ¡°But with every mouthful you¡¯ll be sealing your own fate. My revenge won¡¯t taste like dirt, Gero. It will taste sweet.¡±


    ¡°Is this normal?¡± Vargas hissed to Blackmire. ¡°This is weird.¡±


    ¡°I have no idea,¡± the dwarf whispered back to the swordsman. ¡°They¡¯re either flirting or they hate each other.¡±


    ¡°Is it bad that we can¡¯t tell?¡± Vargas mused. ¡°I mean, their tails are wagging, but they¡¯ve got some serious murder-eyes going on.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Blackmire agreed. ¡°Honestly I¡¯d be lost even without the dog stuff. I¡¯m worried that all the shoujo I read has left me unable to recognize a normal relationship.¡±


    ¡°Guys, please,¡± Bex declared, her voice dripping with magnanimity. ¡°This is tearing us apart. For the good of Shinki Itten, I am willing to be both of your favorites.¡±


    Gero rumbled out a thoughtful noise, narrowing an eye as she and Shin held their stare for another moment. Then she straightened, her expression haughty but unable to hide the amusement in her tone. ¡°I will graciously accept.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been back for fifteen minutes and you¡¯ve already saved the city,¡± Shin marveled. ¡°Welcome back, Bex. I honestly have no idea how we managed to get by without you.¡±


    Bex beamed in pleasure as Gero cleared her throat, clearly eager to hear more about her student¡¯s exploits. ¡°So you leveled through PVP, huh? Were you in a tournament or something?¡±


    ¡°Oh, no,¡± the girl shook her head, ¡°Nothing like that. Mostly just low level matchmaking and duel postings in the bigger cities. No big deal.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s being modest,¡± Blackmire cut in. ¡°Our Bex has been lousy with duel requests now that she¡¯s famous.¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Gero¡¯s ears perked up. ¡°Bex is famous?¡±


    Vargas raised his eyebrows. ¡°You didn¡¯t know? She¡¯s a meme now.¡±


    Bex immediately turned bright red. ¡°I am not a meme,¡± she insisted. ¡°I¡¯m not even in those stills.¡±


    Blackmire waved his hand dismissively. ¡°It¡¯s too late for that; enough people know the backstory for you to be Internet famous. Here!¡± He tapped a finger in mid air, causing a life-sized image of Naotodate¡¯s laughing, boastful face to appear. ¡°This is the before¡­¡± He tapped the air again, pasting a second image of the tiger-headed Grappler post head-explosion directly next to the first. ¡°And here¡¯s the after! It¡¯s just so versatile as a template; you can really use it for almost anything.¡±


    Okay. Maybe this was a little grisly? But Shin did not mind it one bit. ¡°What does he think about all of this, I wonder?¡±


    ¡°Dunno,¡± Bex shrugged. ¡°I actually tried to get in contact with him a while back, but apparently he deleted his account.¡±


    Really? Huh. Shin hadn¡¯t forgotten Naotodate¡¯s declaration that he¡¯d delete his account if he lost to Bex. Was he truly that much a man of his word, or had the humiliation simply been too much to bear? Either way, Operation Ruin These Guys¡¯ Lives had been even more of a resounding success than Shin had originally thought. ¡°Well damn, Bex. It seems like you¡¯ve found your calling.¡±


    The honorary kobold tried and failed to project an air of humility. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m pretty good at it I guess.¡± She held her breath for a moment, taking another swing at maintaining the dignified poise of a warrior. But it didn¡¯t take long for her excitement to bubble over, excitement surging out of her. ¡°It¡¯s actually crazy how bad most people are at dueling? They just run at each other and mash their Skills as quickly as they can! I have just straight up tripped dudes and smashed them in the head so many times, you guys; you wouldn¡¯t believe how often that works!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re great at fighting, no question about it,¡± Vargas agreed, ¡°But I¡¯m still worried it¡¯s going to limit your options for your Class Selection.¡±


    Shin was not going to miss this opportunity. ¡°How does that work exactly, anyway?¡±


    ¡°Hm? Oh.¡± Vargas cleared his throat. ¡°Well, I mean, it¡¯s pretty simple? The System offers you Classes based on your experiences in Magica. You can pretty much always get a basic Class, if that¡¯s your goal. Like, I knew I just wanted to be a swordsman, so I just snagged the Knight class at level Five.¡±


    ¡°And on the other hand, I had a really specific idea of what I wanted to do,¡± Blackmire interjected, ¡°So I didn¡¯t take my Class Selection until I¡¯d already gotten accepted by the Deepmountain Sulfur Company and maxed out my Ranged proficiency. That way I was able to qualify for the Artillerist Class.¡±


    Oh, so what Shin had originally thought was some sort of halberd was in fact a firearm? Fascinating. Gero, for her part, didn¡¯t seem entirely impressed. ¡°Does ¡®I want to shoot people¡¯ really count as a ¡®specific idea¡¯?¡±


    The dwarf immediately shook his head. ¡°Oh no, my concept is way more specific than that. I¡¯m still working on the prototype, but I¡¯m hoping once it¡¯s finished it¡¯ll knock me out of the soft cap and I can really get to work.¡±


    ¡°Prototype?¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°Of what, if you don¡¯t mind me asking?¡±This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    Blackmire lept on Shin¡¯s question so vigorously that the kobold almost missed Vargas¡¯s sigh. ¡°Oh man, it¡¯s so great? So okay, have you ever been to a basketball game?¡± The dwarf waved off Shin¡¯s response before the Schemer could even attempt one. ¡°No, of course you haven¡¯t. Anyway, here¡¯s the plan: I want to shoot people with a weaponized t-shirt cannon.¡±


    Shin slowly began to flatten his ears. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a cannon,¡± ¨CThe dwarf waggled his fingers before himself, his eyes sparkling in delight¨C ¡°That fires t-shirts. All the way through people.¡±


    Shin glanced towards Vargas for some help, only to find that none would be forthcoming. ¡°Is it¡­possible to do that with a shirt?¡±


    Blackmire pounded his fist resolutely into his palm. ¡°I refuse to believe that it isn¡¯t.¡±


    Vargas sighed, clearly having heard this entire spiel multiple times before. ¡°Go ahead and tell them what it says on the shirts.¡±


    The dwarf spread his hands out wide, as if he could see it there before him. ¡°¡®I Was Totally Obliterated And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt¡¯.¡±


    Bex piped up. ¡°I still say ¡®I Got This T-Shirt And All I Got Was Massive Bodily Trauma¡¯ works better.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m willing to workshop it, no question.¡± Blackmire frowned, his tone turning thoughtful. ¡°The real trick is finding a way to make it so they¡¯re wearing the shirt when they respawn. I think I might have to dip into some sort of mystical¨C¡±


    ¡°So yeah anyway,¡± Vargas pushed forward, ¡°If you¡¯re willing to work at it, you can actually have a lot of influence on the Classes you¡¯re offered. And Bex really worked hard; almost no one has the talent and patience to wait until they hit the soft cap for their Selection. I¡¯m just worried the only special options she¡¯s going to get now will be PVP classes.¡±


    Now it was Gero¡¯s turn to tilt her head. ¡°Well, what¡¯s wrong with that?¡±


    Vargas frowned. ¡°In theory? Nothing, if that¡¯s what you want to do. But the problem is that tournaments and officially sanctioned dueling separates PVP and Non-PVP classes into their own brackets for the sake of balance, and like nine out of ten Players with PVP classes are Red Players. So they can¡¯t do official stuff anyway. So the way KoM¡¯s culture has shaped out, you actually have way fewer PVP options as a PVP class.¡±


    Bex¡¯s ears flexed with resolve. ¡°I don¡¯t care about that stuff. If I get offered a good PVP Class, I¡¯m gonna take it and do PKK or whatever.¡± The young woman noticed Gero¡¯s tilt dipping a little further. ¡°Oh. Player Killer Killer. I¡¯ll just go fight Red Players and stuff.¡±


    Okay, Shin hadn¡¯t thought it was possible? But he liked Bex even more now. Maybe he was going to have to fight Gero to the death over who got her as their exclusive favorite after all.


    Fortunately, a delighted cry from the end of the path countermanded any further flarings of friendship warfare. ¡°Bex!¡±


    Bex immediately called back, her tail wagging madly. ¡°Momo~!¡±


    Both women burst into fits of laughter as the High Priestess threw herself into Bex¡¯s arms, twirling around in a wild display of joy at seeing one another again. ¡°You¡¯re back!¡± Momo trilled, her grin all but bursting off from her face. ¡°Are you back to stay? What have you been up to! Tell me everything!¡±


    ¡°Haha, I will; I will!¡± Bex insisted. ¡°Omigosh it¡¯s so good to see you!¡±


    ¡°Um, yeah it is,¡± Vargas whispered to Blackmire, a flush tingeing his cheeks as he stared at Momo. ¡°Do you think there¡¯s any chance she¡¯s a Destined Heart?¡±


    ¡°Oh my God we all have Enhanced Hearing,¡± Bex exclaimed, glaring at her mortified friend. ¡°Don¡¯t be a creep before I¡¯ve even introduced you.¡±


    ¡°Shit, um, sorry,¡± the swordsman stumbled, his face beet red as he awkwardly bowed in shame to a particularly amused-looking Momo. ¡°I apologize. You¡¯re, um, very attractive.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Momo replied in a regal tone, ¡°I am.¡± She separated from Bex, folding her hands imperiously into her sleeves. ¡°So it¡¯s time for your Class Selection, yes? Did you want Tasan Okaa¡¯s blessing?¡±


    Bex nodded. ¡°Yes please!¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The Priestess pursed her lips thoughtfully. ¡°Though you know, I¡¯m sure you could ask Her for one yourself?¡±


    ¡°I know I could, but it just felt right coming here to do it, you know?¡± Bex closed her eyes, a smile spreading across her face as she inhaled deeply. ¡°Plom blossoms, temple incense, and being surrounded by family. That¡¯s Tasan Okaa.¡±


    Momo smiled serenely. ¡°For me, too.¡± A bit of her grandeur slipped away as she let out an excited giggle. ¡°Your timing is actually super great?! I just finished spending Tasan Okaa¡¯s Divinity Points and I¡¯m desperate to see her do some godly flexing.¡±


    ¡°Me, too!¡± Mimasu gasped, completely doubled over as he struggled from breath. ¡°I¡¯m super excited!¡±


    Gero leapt back in surprise at the scribe¡¯s abrupt appearance. ¡°Where the hell did you come from?!¡±


    ¡°Heard you were doing a Class Selection!¡± Mimi choked out. ¡°Ran! All the way from the,¡± ¨CHe briefly heaved, then apparently decided he did not need to throw up¨C ¡°Main tower!¡± He shakily lifted his scroll, his quill wobbling perilously between his nearly slack fingers. ¡°M¡¯ready! Go ahead!¡±


    Shin sniffed carefully before nodding in agreement. ¡°Yes, please do. I think we¡¯re all eager to see this.¡±


    Momo nodded, closing her eyes as she lifted her hands out towards Bex. The gentle breeze took that moment to pick up, the chimes adorning the shrine singing their serene song as the scent of plom blossom and agarwood swirled through the air. Momo was murmuring something, too faint for even Enhanced Senses to pick up, but Shin wasn¡¯t focused on that. He was too distracted by the presence that materialized above them.


    It, or rather She, felt so much like Tasan Okaa. But somehow, Shin knew: That was not Tasan Okaa.


    Bex gulped as the luminous figure, slender and feminine but with features otherwise obscured in a soft haze of soothing opalescence, reached down to lightly slip an elegant finger beneath the young woman¡¯s chin. She lightly tilted Bex¡¯s face, slowly descending towards her, and then brushed against the trembling girl¡¯s cheek in what was unmistakably a kiss.


    And then She was gone.


    The entire group let out a breath as one, with the exception of an inordinately pleased-looking Momo. ¡°What was that?¡± Bex gasped. ¡°Who was that?!¡±


    ¡°That,¡± Momo proudly proclaimed, ¡°Was Rippana Choujo, the Admirable Eldest Daughter. Tasan Okaa¡¯s Avatar.¡±


    ¡°Your Goddess has an Avatar?¡± Vargas sputtered, his eyes wide. ¡°For a side of this size?! That¡¯s, like, unheard of!¡±


    ¡°What can I say?¡± Momo smugly brushed a plom blossom off of her robe. ¡°We¡¯re pretty great.¡±


    ¡°Alright well thanks a lot Momo; now I¡¯ve got a crush on a freaking Kingdoms of Magica deity,¡± Bex grumbled, pulling up a prompt. ¡°I¡¯m starting the Selection; let¡¯s go~!¡±


    The honorary kobold selected an option decisively, Vargas and Blackmire oohing and ahhing appreciation as an ornate wheel made entirely of illuminated text appeared above Bex¡¯s head. The Class Wheel began to spin, all three Players cheering when a gilded star appeared at its center. ¡°That¡¯s one¡­¡± Vargas urged, pumping his fist as a second star popped up beside the first. ¡°And two! That¡¯s a Rare Class!¡±


    ¡°Oh shit three stars!¡± Blackmire gasped as a third one appeared. ¡°Epic Class!¡±


    Bex wasn¡¯t listening to her friends¡¯ encouragement, her eyes locked onto the spinning Wheel as she writhed in anticipation. On and on it spun, and just when Shin suspected it was about to slow down a fourth star appeared at its center. ¡°Legendary Class!¡± Bex screamed. ¡°Yes!¡±


    Both Blackmire and Vargas erupted in glee, happily chanting along with Bex as she bounced up and down in sheer bliss. ¡°Le-Gen-Dary! Le-Gen-Dary Le-Gen-¡±


    And then a fifth star squeezed its way into the crowded center of the Wheel, and it screeched to a halt.


    Bex could only stare mouth agape as the Class Wheel began to slowly unfold, revealing her Class options one at a time. ¡°Wait, Five Stars?!¡± She whirled around on Vargas, her eyes bordering on manic. ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of that. That¡¯s a thing?¡±


    Vargas slowly nodded. ¡°Um, yeah. It¡¯s a thing. It¡¯s one specific thing,¡±


    ¡°What does that mean?!¡± Bex turned her eyes back to the unraveling Class Wheel, impatiently urging it to reveal its secrets at a less leisurely pace. The Rare, Epic and Legendary options fanned out unread and unremarked upon, Bex¡¯s straining eyes reserved solely for the final option as it grandly revealed itself.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­¡± Bex squinted, rereading the text. ¡°What¡¯s an EidolRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


    ¡°Uh?!¡± Bex flinched, eyes blinking wildly as she momentarily forgot about her Class Selection. ¡°Did something just happen?¡±


    Shin had¡­no fucking idea. But he was suddenly out of breath, and had somehow broken into a cold sweat since two seconds ago. The Schemer was gripped by a desperate urge to focus, to remember, but even as something clawing madly inside his chest demanded that he pay attention he could feel the embers of whatever happening snuffing out within his brain. Whatever had happened? It was gone.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you what just happened,¡± Vargas intoned, pointing at the Class Selection floating above Bex¡¯s head. ¡°Check it out.¡±


    ¡°Um, okay.¡± Bex glanced back up at the elaborate text, chewing distractedly on her lower lip. ¡°Exemplar? Didn¡¯t it use to say something¨C¡±


    Mimasu let out an interrupting gasp. ¡°Oh gosh! You¡¯re an Exemplar?! Quick, open up your Status Screen!¡±


    ¡°Uh! Okay?!¡± The girl quickly did as she was bidden. ¡°Now what?!¡±


    The scribe wriggled with excitement. ¡°Do you have a Blessing Section?!¡±


    Bex blinked. ¡°Oh! Yeah, I do; it¡¯s right after my Description? ¡®Beloved of the All-Mother¡¯?¡±


    Blackmire whistled, pulling his goggles from his head to run his hand along his bald crown. ¡°What the shit. A Great God Exemplar. Unbelievable.¡±


    ¡°Is this good?¡± Bex demanded. ¡°Because that sounds good!¡±


    ¡°Let me put it this way.¡± Vargas held up three fingers. ¡°There have been three Great God Exemplars in the ten years since Kingdoms of Magica began. One was a Make-a-Wish kid who died, like, immediately. The other two are both the personal characters of fucking Dev Team Leads. You managed to hit a Staff Only Class.¡± The man suddenly laughed, as if the sheer improbability of it all was forcing its way out of him. ¡°Well this settles it though; you have to join our guild now.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right!¡± Blackmire insisted. ¡°Because if you don''t, those Gladius pricks will send you so many thirsty guild invites that you¡¯ll drown in them!¡±


    Bex grinned at that, exhaustion now clear across her features. ¡°Haha, okay? Well first I¡¯m gonna pour over my new Status Screen, and then,¡± ¨CShe broke into a deep yawn¨C ¡°Um, then I¡¯m gonna nap. I might nap first.¡±


    Shin was desperate to see that Status Screen. ¡°You can use my quarters. You can have my quarters, if you¡¯ll let me¨C¡±


    ¡°Shin, Shin!¡±


    Aw hell what now. The Schemer turned in supreme ill-humor, glaring at the villager dashing down the shrine path. Who dared to try and distract him from something so fascinating? ¡°What! What is it!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s urgent!¡± The villager insisted, motioning for Shin to follow even as he turned back towards the city. ¡°You¡¯re being asked for, only you!¡±


    Only¡­oh, wait. Oh shit, was something happening? Was whatever Glandem had done happening? Fascinating could wait. In all likelihood, this could not.


    ¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C¨C


    Shin slowly took another sniff of his tea before using every ounce of willpower he possessed to carefully place it back down on the table instead of smashing it into the face of the man seated across from him. ¡°One more time,¡± Shin stated, lacing his fingers together. ¡°Tell me one more time what you¡¯re asking for.¡±


    The Player nodded solemnly, looking for all the world like the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders. ¡°I need you to teach me how to mine for fish.¡±

 68. Trolling for Fish

    Shin leaned forward, his chin resting on his entwined fingers as he stared at the Player seated across from him. ¡°Is it possible,¡± the Schemer began, ¡°That you mean you want me to teach you how to fish?¡±


    The young man gasped, sincerity radiating out from him in nearly visible waves. ¡°Oh gosh, I dunno! I don¡¯t know terms! I really need someone smart to teach me all about¡­¡± He scrunched his brow together, making a show of marshaling his thoughts. ¡°Fish Harvesting?¡±


    ¡°Fishing,¡± Shin replied. ¡°It¡¯s called ¡®Fishing¡¯.¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound right,¡± the Player insisted. ¡°Fish Findsmanship?¡±


    ¡°Fishing.¡±


    ¡°Fish Get-ery?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s ¡®Fishing¡¯.¡±


    The Player tilted his head. ¡°Fish-Quisition?


    Shin flicked his eyes towards the blue light shimmering above the Player¡¯s head. ¡°Why are you Streaming this?¡±


    ¡°Fi¨C¡± The Player balked, seemingly thrown off his rhythm by the sudden shift in questions. He recovered with admirable speed, however. ¡°Oh, my friends all want to support me! You know, as I try to better myself!¡± He clenched his fists, the iron resolve of true dedication etched across his every feature. ¡°I won¡¯t let them down! I will become a master of Fisherdashery!¡±


    Shin stared at the man for another moment, then slowly shifted his ice-hardened gaze towards the kobold who had summoned him. At least he had the good graces to look utterly mortified. ¡°You told me this was important,¡± Shin noted in something close to accusation. ¡°Didn¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Um,¡± the hapless steward gulped, his ears folded completely flat against his head. ¡°I seem to recall using the word ¡®urgent¡¯, actually.¡±


    ¡°Oh yes, that¡¯s right,¡± Shin confirmed. ¡°And now¡­?¡±


    The other kobold¡¯s ears somehow managed to flatten a little further. ¡°It seems the situation is, um¡­maybe a touch less urgent than I was led to¨C¡±


    ¡°No no, it is!¡± The Player insisted, a hand pressed to his heart as he rose from his seat. ¡°This is urgent! It¡¯s so urgent! I need fish so bad, but I don¡¯t know how to steal them from the water! You gotta teach me, please!¡±


    Woof. If someone had told Shin mere days earlier that he¡¯d be this annoyed by someone asking him literally anything about fish, he would have never believed it. And yet here he was. Well whatever; he¡¯d know from the moment that the Tribe opted to become citizens rather than monsters there would be days like this. The best option was clearly to just keep his chin up and soldier through.


    Second best option? Take a wild swing back towards Monster and leap teeth-first at this guy. Not for nothing, it was on the table.


    ¡°Alright then,¡± Shin sighed, standing up from his cushion as well. ¡°So are you a Novice, then? Or are you¡­?¡± He couldn¡¯t resist sighing again when the Player scrunched his face in confusion. ¡°No, right. Of course not. Follow me.¡±


    The Player let out a cheer of outsized glee as Shin breezed past him, skipping after the aloof kobold with all the excitement of a riled-up puppy. ¡°Omigosh hooray! I promise I¡¯ll be, like, the best student you¡¯ve ever had!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the first student I¡¯ve ever had,¡± Shin shot back. ¡°So by a certain way of thinking, yes.¡±


    ¡°OMIGOSH I DID IT~!¡± The Player jumped up and down, screaming in an entirely disproportionate display of wild triumph over his default victory. The other kobolds in the tower that had been going about their business immediately scattered at the Player¡¯s inappropriate public display, their eyes diverted in secondhand embarrassment for his socially unacceptable outburst. ¡°I¡¯M THE BEST STUDENT, I¡¯M THE¨C¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t have kept the growl out of his voice even if he¡¯d wanted to. ¡°Will you control yourself?! You¡¯re being a nuisance!¡±


    ¡°Aw what!¡± The Player pouted, thrusting out his lower lip as Shin hurried him towards the door leading out into the Plaza. ¡°How can you talk to your best student like that?¡±


    ¡°I guess I¡¯m just strict like that.¡± If Shin didn¡¯t know better, he¡¯d have suspected that the Player was digging his heels in, trying to remain in a position to make an undignified spectacle of himself as long as possible. The Schemer was close to knocking him to the ground and rolling him out of the door. ¡°And besides, I just remembered I did give one other lesson.¡±


    The Player gasped in wounded affront. ¡°No! To who?!¡±


    ¡°Prince Ceril. And as much as it surprises me to say it, I suspect he¡¯s going to retain the top spot.¡±


    ¡°Hmph!¡± The Player folded his arms across his chest, shielding himself from the slings and arrows of his master¡¯s disapproval. ¡°Maybe I should find this Ceril guy! Prince or no, there¡¯s no way he¡¯s as genuine as me!¡±


    ¡°Great idea,¡± Shin enthused, ¡°I¡¯d be thrilled for my students to spend some quality time together. Shall I put you in his cell right now?¡±


    The Player made a show of considering the matter. ¡°Nnnnnnnnnnno. No, just teach me Fish Pilfering, pleeeeee~!¡± He squealed in surprise as Shin shoved him through the doors, barely managing to stay on his feet as he staggered out into the Garden Plaza. ¡°I say!¡± He huffed, dusting himself off with more care than was strictly necessary. ¡°Is that any way to treat your second best student?¡±


    Shin was already striding past the man without so much as a second glance. ¡°When they aren¡¯t moving? Absolutely.¡±This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    ¡°Well I think that¡¯s¡­oh hey!¡±


    Goddess, what now. Shin slowed down, but still refused to turn back around. ¡°Yes?¡±


    The Player¡¯s voice trickled light and excited back up to Shin. ¡°Why are we leaving? All the fish are here!¡±


    ¡°.........¡± Shin clacked his teeth together, his tail very stiff and still as he turned around to find the Player reaching down into one of his koi ponds. ¡°Stop.¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± The Player shot Shin a look of confused innocence. ¡°Stop what?¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t move from his spot, his every word clipped and precise. ¡°Get your hand out of that pond.¡±


    The man stuck his lip out again. ¡°But you¡¯re supposed to be showing me Fish-chemy! Show me with these fish!¡±


    ¡°Get your hand,¡± Shin enunciated, his teeth visible with every syllable, ¡°Out of that pond.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± the Player proclaimed, stomping his foot. ¡°I want to learn Fishsmithing right here!¡±


    Shin¡¯s tail lifted higher, though he didn¡¯t bother to raise his voice. ¡°Banken?¡± The Player yelped as a pair of guards appeared at either side of him, the inch of drawn steel they exposed in sharp contrast with Shin¡¯s conversational tone. ¡°If you try to touch those fish,¡± Shin promised, ¡°You will feed those fish.¡±


    ¡°Heh.¡± The Player¡¯s eyes briefly darted up towards the Streaming icon above his head as he muttered under his breath, his voice softer than someone without Enhanced Sensed could have heard. ¡°He doesn¡¯t like you messing with his special fish, I guess.¡±


    He guessed right, though Shin knew he had nothing to gain by outright confirming the issue. So instead, the kobold simply spun back around. ¡°Follow me.¡±


    Maybe he wouldn¡¯t follow, Shin intently hoped. Maybe he¡¯d try to press the matter further at the pond, and Shin¡¯s obligation to teach him a profession could merrily transform into an obligation to turn him into fish food. No such luck. The Player had fallen in step with his gang-pressed teacher, peppering Shin with questions of truly astounding inanity as they made their way through Shinki Itten¡¯s main thoroughfare.


    Goddess, if Shin didn¡¯t get this done with quickly, his body would probably stage a coup against his brain and shut down all his organs just to escape this damn chatter. He may well have pulled the trigger on forcing himself into a self-defense coma, if trickles of an interesting commotion hadn¡¯t trickled out of a building they were passing.


    ¡°I told you, you can¡¯t just write scribbles! You have to use the actual letters!¡±


    ¡°The actual what?¡±


    ¡°The letters. You know, for reading?¡±


    ¡°Oh wait, so now I have to know how to read to do this?!¡±


    Shin carefully resisted tilting his head as he lingered, his pace slowing down so he might observe the scene inside the scrivener¡¯s office. Hm. It seemed as if the Inscription Trainer was also having issues with a student.


    Curious.


    Catching the scent of a pattern on the wind, Shin readjusted his route towards the river so that he might pass by the workplaces of a few other Shinki Itten trainers. And sure enough, similar problems abounded. The Alchemist whose student kept trying to grind anything he could get his hands on with the mortar and pestle. The Leatherworker whose student kept managing to glue hides to his own face. Even Shita, who looked particularly bewildered by her student¡¯s righteous insistence that Blacksmithing was racist, and that he needed to learn Whitesmithing.


    And for each suspiciously inept Player, there was a blue Streaming icon shimmering about their head. Again: Curious.


    Whatever he might have gleaned from his observations, Shin had his own Player to deal with. Fortunately, a Fishing Node was readily available as they approached the banks of the river. ¡°Okay,¡± Shin instructed, ¡°Do you have a rod?¡±


    ¡°What!¡± The Player gasped, shifting into a bow-legged stance as he bobbed his head down to look at his own crotch. ¡°You can¡¯t just ask people if they have rods or not! That is super rude.¡±


    If Shin clacked his teeth together any harder, he was going to shatter his jaw. ¡°I don¡¯t mean that, I¡¯m asking if you have a p¨C¡±


    Aw Goddess he almost asked if the Player had a pole.


    ¡°...Look, just use this.¡±


    The Player gratefully accepted the fishing rod Shin produced, holding it with all the reverence one might show a priceless heirloom. ¡°Omigosh woooow, this is such an honor!¡±


    ¡°Uh-huh.¡± Shin jerked his thumb towards the nearby fishing node. ¡°So listen. You need to aim for that. And before you do anything, I¡¯ll specify that you don¡¯t need to throw the¨C¡±


    The Schemer allowed that final thought to dissolve into a whine deep in his throat as he watched the Player throw the entire fishing pole into the Node. He could only bristle as he watched it sink into the river, the Player¡¯s chipper voice only making his hair stand all the more on end. ¡°Okay, now what?¡±


    Shin huffed out a gout of incensed air, silently forcing himself to calm down before responding. ¡°You know, I don¡¯t believe you actually want to learn this. I think you¡¯re just putting on a show.¡±


    Predictably, the Player stuck out his lip. ¡°Aw, no! I¡¯m super serious about Fishomancy! You gotta believe me!¡±


    ¡°Fine then,¡± Shin pulled up a prompt, already turning to leave, ¡°Then I¡¯ll save us all a bunch of pain and just advance you right now. Congratulations, you¡¯re¨C?!¡± The kobold cut himself off with a furious growl, the words on the error message that appeared before him burning straight into his soul. ¡°You¡¯re already a Grandmaster in Fishing?!¡±


    ¡°Yeah I¡¯m already great at Fishing. Oh you¡¯re the Fishing Trainer? You really should have said something!¡± The Player scoffed, giving Shin a playful shove as he either missed or ignored that the kobold was rage-shaking with such intensity that he might have very well drilled himself straight down into the ground. ¡°This is really embarrassing for you. You sorta suck as a teacher; I¡¯m deffo reporting you.¡±


    Dear Tasan Okaa, Great Goddess, Mother to All Kobolds. Please hear this most fervent of prayers, from this most devoted of children, and fill this Player with divine bees.


    By the time Shin had composed himself enough to turn away, the Player had already produced an immaculate fishing rod of his own and expertly reeled in a number of fish, cackling madly with every new catch. Alright, whatever. He¡¯d had his fun, and Shin wasn¡¯t so fragile that being the butt of the joke was going to kill him.


    Though, he recalled, it wasn¡¯t just him. All of the craftsmen of Shinki Itten had seemingly been descended upon by a stream of willfully ignorant Players, like some plague from a peculiar yet deeply sadistic God. There was no way it was all a coincidence, was there? But why? What could the purpose be?


    The question clawed at Shin, demanding he produce some sort of answer. He was so preoccupied with the issue that it took him a few moments to realize that the world had fallen away around him, leaving the kobold floating in the inexplicable realm that existed between his and that of the System.


    Well shit. Whatever the Players¡¯ purpose had been, there was no reason to speculate. Because unless Shin was very much mistaken, they¡¯d already achieved it,

 69. The Schemes of Another

    What worried Shin was not his summons to the formless astral void that played host to the mechanisms of the System laid bare. It was not that said summons were completely unexpected and entirely without his consent. It wasn¡¯t even that, as a direct result of his sudden disappearance, that damn Player probably thought he¡¯d frustrated Shin to the point that the kobold had evaporated into nothingness.


    No. What worried Shin was that there wasn¡¯t anywhere to sit.


    During his last visit to the Inside Place, there had been chairs. A table. A decorative vase, even. What would become the Shinki Itten Council had then been brought to this realm to wield the levers of the System itself, and the System had seen fit to accommodate them with a touch of comfort. Not this time, though.


    It was never a good sign when one¡¯s chair privileges were revoked.


    Scattered noises of alarm alerted Shin to the fact that he was not alone. At least a dozen other kobolds and hobgoblins had been dragged to the Inside Place as well, huddling together out of distress at their summons to this unfathomable realm. The few faces that remained calm, however, were ones he was intimately familiar with.


    ¡°Well damn n¡¯ heckfire, ain¡¯t this a fine how-d¡¯ya-do?¡± Moots swore, bending over to knock non-existent dust from the hem of his robe. ¡°Dunno what this lark¡¯s all ¡®bout, but leastwise it got Ol¡¯ Moots away from that damned idjit for a spell.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got one, too?¡± Shita questioned as she helped her husband Kota up. ¡°Same with me. Had no idea Players came in such varieties of stupid.¡±


    One of the trembling hobgoblins stuck his head out of the huddle of villagers. ¡°Um, me too? It was like trying to teach a stone wall!¡±


    That opened the floodgates, the summoned kobolds and hobs volunteering their own trials and tribulations.


    ¡°Same here!


    ¡° ¨Cwas trying to make all his clothes hats, I don¡¯t even¨C¡±


    ¡°I was so mad, I threw a whole bookcase!¡±


    ¡° ¨Cso stupid! SO stupid!¡±


    Shin blinked. Wait a second, were these¡­one quick inventory of the assembled villagers later, the Schemer had confirmed it. This was every single Profession Trainer in Shinki Itten. They¡¯d all been set upon by ill-intentioned Players? All on the same day, at the same moment? That was not a coincidence; no way. But why were they all¨C


    ¡°Alright that¡¯s all of you; let¡¯s make this quick¡±


    One of the kobolds managed to squeak out an alarmed yelp as the figure coalesced in front of them, a silhouette of a man burning itself into the space before them., All of the others were unable to do more than stare slaw-jacked as the outline became tangible, the very stuff of creation forming its body as it set about scolding them.


    ¡°Alright, which of you NPCs wants to explain why this sector just maxed out its complaints budget?¡± The Sky Voice swiveled its featureless head across the cowering villagers, somehow giving the impression of accusation even without the benefit of eyes or a face. ¡°Because I¡¯d love to hear it. Seriously, I am just dying to be enlightened on that shit.¡±


    Shita swallowed, heroically making an attempt to address the otherworldly being of supreme power. ¡°I, um, we just...the Players, they¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh Jesus, this is gonna take forever.¡± Sky Voice let out a sigh, its not-a-face shimmering in annoyance. ¡°Is this the first time any of you have met a Mod? Do I have to waste time explaining what your whole deal is before deleting you? That¡¯s messed up. That¡¯s, like, seriously some Kafka-type shit.¡±


    Delet¨C?! Shin shot forward, his arm raised high in the air. ¡°I know about Mods! I can talk for all of us; there¡¯s no need to do anything¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah yeah relax already, sheesh.¡± Sky Voice lifted up into the air, casually floating around Shin for a brief inspection.¡±...right, I thought that was you. Ticket Number Seven Four Nine Dash Upsilon Iota Psi, right?¡±


    Among other things. Not that Shin was going to confess to that. ¡°Yes, that was me.¡±


    ¡°Alright then.¡± The Moderator dropped down to what constituted the Inside Place¡¯s floor, its arms folded across its chest. ¡°Well? Go on, then. Speak.¡±


    Shin nodded, his back ramrod stiff. ¡°Those complaints must be from Players who pretended like they wanted to learn Professions, but were just aiming to play games.¡±


    ¡°¡®Just aiming to play games¡¯?¡± The Sky Voice repeated, reaching out to give Shin a sharp poke in the chest. ¡°News Flash, this is a game. They are paying us,¡± ¨CIt indicated itself with its thumb¨C ¡°To play that game. All of you,¡± ¨CIt swept its finger out to cover all of the assembled Shinki Itten villagers¨C ¡°Exist to aid them in playing it. Is there something you don¡¯t get about that?¡±


    ¡°No, I do, what I mean is,¡± ¨CShin took a careful swallow, steadying his thoughts¨C ¡°I mean they¡¯re playing a separate game. We aren¡¯t failing at teaching them Professions, they¡¯re succeeding at frustrating us. Despite how things look, the Players are actually getting exactly what they wanted in the first place.¡±


    Sky Voice gave Shin another poke. ¡°Why all the reports, then?¡±


    At that, Shin could only shrug. ¡°I don¡¯t know. They probably think it¡¯s funny.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The Mod lifted up into the air again, adopting a thoughtful pose as it mulled over Shin¡¯s assessment. ¡°So you¡¯re saying that they¡¯re just trolling, then.¡±


    Shin hadn¡¯t heard that particular term before, but he was immediately certain of its meaning. ¡°Yes exactly; so you see that it isn¡¯t our fault, right?¡±


    The increasingly hopeful expressions of the other Shinki Itten villagers fell when Sky Voice let out a scornful tssk. ¡°You think I¡¯m going to go tell my boss that the complaints in my sector are the Players¡¯ fault? Maybe I can sell that if this happens a few more times, maybe. But until then, the official stance is that this is your fault.¡±


    It was as if the floor was falling out from beneath Shin¡¯s feet. ¡°So¡­what are you saying?¡±


    Sky Voice waved its hand dismissively. ¡°Oh don¡¯t give me that look; now that you¡¯ve explained it, I get the situation. And besides, it¡¯s only your city¡¯s first flag; I¡¯m not going to erase the whole place after one flag.¡±


    The huddle of terrified villagers let out a collective gasp, Shita squeezing her eyes closed as she gripped Koda¡¯s hand as tightly as she could manage. Shin was no exception; it would take a greater liar than even him to pretend he wasn¡¯t relieved. ¡°Okay. Good. So what happens now?¡±


    ¡°Standard procedure,¡± Sky Voice replied, flicking open a prompt. ¡°I¡¯m going to disable all of your Profession Levels for a day, then we¡¯ll just put out some official bullshit about how we¡¯re ¡®taking a look at crafting skills in blah blah blah to address Player concerns of blah blah blah¡¯.¡± The Moderator shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s all bullshit of course; we won¡¯t actually do anything. But sometimes shit like this just works itself out if you pretend hard enough, so it¡¯s always our first solution.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin tapped at his chin, head tilting as he considered that. ¡°And since their actual goal is just to get attention from other Players, not being able to access our Professions for a day might encourage them to find other people to bother.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. If they really are just trolls. We¡¯ll see.¡±


    Was Shin going crazy, or was this actually a perfectly proportionate and reasonable response? Sky Voice wasn¡¯t unequivocally taking their side by any means, but he¡¯d considered their situation and was passing what seemed to be even-handed judgment. Could it really be possible that the beings that controlled the System were¨CEnsure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    ¡°Also I¡¯ll delete like three of you. That usually shuts up whiny Players for a bit.¡±


    Wait.


    Sky Voice wriggled its fingers, punching something into its prompt. ¡°Alright lessee. How about you¡­¡±


    The huddle of villagers burst into distressed shouts as a hobgoblin lifted out of their ranks and into the air, pleading and begging even as the others frantically attempted to pull their neighbor back to the ground.


    ¡°Don¡¯t need two Master Blacksmiths, that¡¯s an easy one.¡±


    Shita shrieked in wordless anguish as Koda was pulled into the air as well, her husband already beyond her reach no matter how much she flailed.


    ¡°Aaand sure, Animal Husbandry is a stupid Profession anyway; no one will miss that.¡±


    Moots squawked as his feet were pulled out from under him, the old man wrenched carelessly aloft to join Koda and the unlucky hobgoblin. The rest of the villagers could only scream and cry as the three sacrifices went stiff, their bodies already flickering away to reveal the beads of azure that made up their very souls shifting and dislodging from within them.


    Sky Voice began to wave its hand, then went stiff as Shin managed to grab hold of its foot with his final desperate jump. ¡°The fuck are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll fix it!¡± Shin shouted, his voice hoarse with panic. ¡°I¡¯ll fix everything, just don¡¯t do it!¡±


    ¡°Jesus,¡± Sky Voice scoffed. ¡°Don¡¯t be a such a baby; the System will eventually summon up new NPCs to fill the¨C¡±


    Shin wasn¡¯t about to let up. The Empty Voice and the Sky Voice were already weighing him to be one of their ¡®agents¡¯, weren¡¯t they? ¡°Let me prove it to you!¡± Shin insisted, still hanging off of Sky Voice¡¯s leg. ¡°Let me prove what I can do!¡±


    Sky Voice stared down at the helplessly dangling kobold, its blank face inscrutable. But Shin didn¡¯t miss that the three villagers didn¡¯t seem to be fading away any more. He didn¡¯t miss it for one second. The longer the Moderator stared down at him, the more fierce hope burned through his despair, until Shin thought he may very well explode from anticipation. After what seemed like an eternity, Sky Voice spoke. ¡°Get the fuck off of me.¡±


    The Schemer immediately obliged, dropping gracelessly back to the ground.


    ¡°So,¡± The Sky Voice drawled, slowly circling around the panting kobold. ¡°You want to ¡®prove¡¯ yourself, do you?¡±


    Between gulps for breath, Shin croaked out a reply. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You want to show how valuable you can be? Is that it?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°And you know that if this is all a waste of time, it won¡¯t just be them,¡± ¨CIt jerked its thumb towards the three still-levitating villagers¨C ¡°Who pays the price for you, right? It¡¯ll be a lot worse.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± Shin affirmed, nodding his head in eager affirmation. ¡°I can do it. Just give me the chance, and you won¡¯t be disappointed.¡±


    ¡°Ehhhh¡­..¡± Sky Voice rubbed its fingers together, considering the ominous prompt window that was still open. ¡°...Fine.¡±


    The Moderator flicked out its hand, and the three villagers fell back to the ground, the rest of the kobolds and hobgoblins immediately rushing to envelop their friends in a fluffy crush of blubbering hugs. For his part it was all Shin could manage to not collapse on the spot, his knees weak with wild relief. ¡°Thank you,¡± the Schemer gasped. ¡°I won¡¯t let you¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah yeah, don¡¯t get ahead of yourself.¡± Sky Voice floated further into the air, the golden outline of its body beginning to dissolve away. ¡°I¡¯m still blocking your Profession skills and making the standard announcement. Consider that your grace period. Because once your skills are back, if I get more complaints?¡± The Moderator¡¯s outline had fully vanished, its voice still lingering even as the astral stuff that gave it form collapsed. ¡°Well. I¡¯m sure I don¡¯t have to tell you.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Shin confirmed. ¡°You don¡¯t.¡±


    The crowd of sniffling villagers parted as Shin moved through them, murmuring their support as a dozen tails whipped gratefully against him. He reached out to take a handful of Moots¡¯s robe, his eyes stinging with tears. ¡°Still holding up, old man?¡±


    ¡°Eheh,¡± the old hermit chuckled, sounding frailer than Shin had ever heard him. ¡°Thanks t¡¯ye, I am.¡±


    The hobgoblin that had been selected couldn¡¯t stop himself from shaking, seeming blind to the world until Shin reached out to take hold of his hand. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Um,¡± the hobgoblin haltingly began, screwing his eyes shut before he could manage to respond. ¡°Linden. I¡¯m Linden.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re alright now, Linden,¡± Shin promised. ¡°We¡¯re all going to be alright.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got a plan, right Shin?¡± Shita demanded, her arms wrapped in a death-grip around Kota. ¡°You do, right?!¡±


    No. ¡°Yes.¡±


    The woman let out her held breath in a giant sob, collapsing against her husband¡¯s side. ¡°Oh thank the Goddess, thank you thank you!¡±


    The crowd collapsed in at that, briefly a single mass of thanks and tears and support before Shin felt the world slipping away from him, and he was by the banks of the river once again. Everyone was gone, back to wherever they¡¯d been before they were summoned. Even Shin¡¯s Player was gone, having apparently seen no reason to stick around without someone to torment.


    Shin was alone now. And so he allowed himself to collapse to the ground, dug his fingers as hard as he could into the loam, and let loose a primal scream of pure outrage from the bottom of his soul. This was Glandem. Shin knew this was Glandem.


    But even knowing that, he still couldn¡¯t grasp the full contours of what was happening here. The kobold wrenched himself up, flinging his two handfuls of dirt peevishly into the river as he forced himself to consider the scenario. Somehow, Glandem had organized these Players to mass report Shinki Itten¡¯s trainers.


    But as deeply distressing as this had been, Shin had managed to squirm out of the consequences. There was no way that a fellow Schemer like Glandem wouldn¡¯t have known that this was a situation Shin could wheedle his way out of. So there had to be more. There had to be.


    Shin knew deep in his bones that he hadn¡¯t wriggled free from this trap. He didn¡¯t even know what the trap was. He only hoped he could spot what he was missing before it was too late.


    Goddess. Was it already too late?


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Wren held a hand up against the sun radiating across the waters of Shinki Itten¡¯s harbor, allowing himself a moment to luxuriate in the warmth that washed across his body. Gods did that feel good. Nothing like this in Quercus. Too many trees. No ocean.


    Quercus¡¯s loss, as far as the elf was concerned.


    ¡°General?¡± Aryn¡¯s voice cut through Wren¡¯s brief reverie. ¡°They still need your signature?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± He shook away his sunshine-induced repose, reaching out to accept the quill from the amused looking Banken. ¡°Forgive me; I suppose I¡¯m even older than I¡¯d thought.¡±


    The kobold guard grinned as Wren signed the goods manifest, his group of elves already moving to help the dockworkers unload the shipment of goods they¡¯d brought from the farmlands. ¡°You still look spry to me,¡± the guard offered. ¡°If I¡¯m in half as good of shape when I¡¯m your age, I¡¯ll count myself lucky.¡±


    Another Banken leaned over to join the conversation before Wren could thank the young guard for his flattery, the kobold stiffening into a perfect soldier¡¯s posture. ¡°You don¡¯t know the half of it,¡± the hobgoblin woman remarked as she slipped off her helmet, running a gloved hand through her inky black hair. ¡°I once saw this man help push a battering ram through a foot of mud and a cloud of arrows. That¡¯s absolutely supposed to be a young man¡¯s game.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Wren knew this one, this hobgoblin with her teasing eyes and warrior¡¯s posture. She¡¯d been the leader of the group that took over the fortress. Hilde? She was captain of Shinki Itten¡¯s sworn guards now. ¡°Everyone¡¯s got at least one final act of stupid bravado left in them. I can admit that that probably should have been mine.¡±


    Hilde grinned at that, reaching out to slap Wren on the shoulder as the old elf marveled yet again at the strange twists of his life. In a very real sense, this was the woman Wren had been born to defeat. And yet here they both were, Oaken Elf General and Hobgoblin Bandit Chief, standing in the bustling docks of a city that hadn¡¯t existed that long ago and chatting amiably. Things weren¡¯t supposed to work like this.


    Was Shinki Itten insane, or the rest of the world? Because even if he wouldn¡¯t admit it to anyone else, Wren knew which way he felt on the matter.


    It would have been a perfectly pleasant moment, if not for the noises of alarm swelling up from the docks. Wren stiffened, instinctively reaching for the sword that hadn¡¯t been at his side in weeks as he looked up. ¡°What¡¯s going¨C¡±


    He didn¡¯t have to speculate for long. A ship had somehow gotten out of control, careening at full speed towards the Shinki Itten harbor. Goods and stalls were abandoned as everyone rushed to avoid the inevitable collision, Banken and citizens alike doing what they could to pull the slow, the young and the fallen out of harm¡¯s way.


    Wren gritted his teeth, wildly hoping that somehow, some way the ship would veer off course at the last moment, would somehow manage to stop in time. But it didn¡¯t. The ship¡¯s hull screamed as it splintered through the long outstretched pier, wobbling off balance but still hurtling towards the harbor itself. Even with a massive hole gouged out of its side the ship would not be stopped, not until it finally smashed into the harbor in a calamity of flying wood and screams, debris raining down on the shattered dock as the deck of the ruined ship caught on fire.


    And through it all, Wren could only stare as a lone figure struggled to his feet from behind the ship¡¯s wheel. It was a Player, the glaring crimson eye floating over his head peering down in judgment as the man stepped out onto the prow of his ship, stripped down to his underwear, and started to dance.


    ¡°I¡¯VE COME FOR ORANGES!¡± The Red Player screamed, dancing with aplomb amidst the fiery chaos he had caused. ¡°I NEED ORANGES FOR ANYPORT!¡±


    A small, macabre prompt appeared above the destroyed docks, though between all of the destruction Wren might have been the only one to see it.


    >Trade Mission Begun! Oranges: 0 of 100<


    But that wasn¡¯t all Wren saw. Because past the wreckage, and the injured, and the flaming ship, and the wildly dancing Player, he could see four more identical ships appearing over the horizon.


    Wren had the answer to his question. This was insane.

 70. The Attack on Shinki Itten Bay

    Amidst the chaos that the Shinki Itten harbor had become, Wren found himself experiencing a strange moment of calm. It was as if the world around him had slowed to a halt, the cries of the injured and the shouts of the Banken and the groaning wood of the critically damaged dock fading from his ears. There was only Wren, his thoughts, and the knowledge of what was still to come.


    Those ships were also Red Players. Had to be. They¡¯d utterly destroy the rest of the harbor. Lives and livelihoods wiped out. Had to be stopped. No other way.


    Wren hadn¡¯t felt this way since he last waded into the thick of battle, and he hadn¡¯t imagined he would ever feel this way again. Old habits die hard, it seemed. Good thing, too, because while the Banken weren¡¯t sitting on their hands they had failed to grasp all of the key necessities of the moment. Around half of the guards were rushing in to escort civilians to safety and rescue the wounded, that was good. And maybe a third had joined with the dock workers in a frantic effort to keep the flames from the crashed boat from spreading, also good.


    But the rest were entirely focused on the dancing Red Player, who continued to cackle and wriggle and yell even as more and more arrows struck him. Distraction. Obvious distraction. Successful though. Wouldn¡¯t do.


    This had to be dealt with.


    Wren¡¯s voice slipped effortlessly into his familiar battlefield bark. ¡°Aryn!¡±


    The young man and the dozen other former Oaken Elf soldiers immediately snapped to attention. ¡°General!¡±


    ¡°Company status!¡±


    ¡°Five spearmen, six archers and one mage, General!¡±


    Good, Wren had thought that the lanky elvish girl was one of the few mages to have survived their last battle. He never could recognize them without those giant hats they¡¯d always insisted on wearing. ¡°Are spells ready to be deployed?¡±


    ¡°Yes General sir!¡± the mage called back, snapping a smart salute. ¡°Levels One through Four, all slots available, sir!¡±


    Right. Next step. ¡°Captain Hilde!¡±


    ¡°Eh?!¡± The hobgoblin called back, distracted by her desperate attempts to direct her troops to put out fires both figurative and literal. ¡°Kinda busy here!¡±


    Wren stepped forward, sweeping out an arm to point towards what was rapidly approaching on the horizon. ¡°Look there.¡±


    Hilde followed the elf¡¯s indication, letting out a hiss of frustration when she noticed the incoming ships for the first time. ¡°Oh for the fuck¡¯s, do these people not have anything better to do?!¡±


    Probably not. No time to consider the matter, though. ¡°You and your guards should focus on evacuating the docks. I need six bows and quivers, as many of those Field Specialists as you can find,¡± ¨Che pointed towards a small fishing barge, one of the few ships left undamaged by the crash¨C ¡°And enough people to crew that ship.¡±


    Hilde¡¯s eyes flashed as she digested Wren¡¯s requests. ¡°You¡¯re going to try and stop the Players? But how¨C¡± She hissed again, shaking her head. ¡°No time to talk. Teo!¡± The kobold Banken from earlier fell in besides Hilde. ¡°You heard all of that?¡± The guard nodded, and the Captain continued on. ¡°Get the General everything he needs and meet him at that ship.¡± She lifted her voice up into a roar, every decibel the equal of Wren¡¯s battlefield shout. ¡°ALL BANKEN, EVACUATE ALL CIVILIANS! WE¡¯RE ABANDONING THE DOCKS!¡±


    A unison bark of acknowledgement chorused out from the guards swarming the harbor, all efforts shifting to the immediate safety of the citizens still stuck in harm¡¯s way. The dancing Player didn¡¯t seem to immediately notice, continuing to gyrate and writhe with an almost impressive lack of rhythm. His thrusts and shimmies began to slow, however, when it dawned on him that there was a noticeable lack of arrows flying his way.


    ¡°What the¡­hey! Hey!¡± The Red Player leaned over the bow of his immolating ship, his shrill voice reaching a pitch most frequently used to furiously demand an audience with a manager. ¡°Look at me, you pieces of shit! And where are my oranges, huh?! Where are my FUCKING¨C?!¡±


    The Red Player¡¯s face was left stiffened in an expression of outrage as his entire body was encased in ice. ¡°Update to previous report!¡± the mage breathlessly called out to Wren as they rushed down towards the awaiting ship. ¡°All spell slots but one available!¡±


    ¡°Acceptable!¡±


    A skeleton crew of hobgoblins had already manned the ship by the time Wren and his troops reached it, clearly scared but readying the ship as efficiently as possible all the same. Four immaculately uniformed kobolds dipped in quick bows as the General started up the gangplank, one of them already moving forward to deliver bows to the elvish archers. ¡°This is all we could manage on such short notice,¡± one of the Specialists apologized, a frown splitting her face. ¡°With more time, we could find¨C¡±


    Wren shook his head. ¡°There is no time; we¡¯re going now.¡± He took note of the sailors cutting loose the docking lines of the ship, calling over to the grizzled hob standing behind the wheel. ¡°Take us out into the bay! We¡¯re going to catch those bastards right as they enter the mouth, understand?¡±


    The hob nodded, bawling over his shoulder to the other sailors. ¡°On them oars, boys!!¡±


    ¡°Aye!¡± The sailors yelled back in affirmation, to their spots on either side of the galley as the last bit of rope attaching them to the dock was released.


    ¡°Shove off!


    One side of oars pushed out, forcing the boat away from its berth and out into the waters of the bay.


    ¡°Ready all, row!¡±


    The sailors surged forward as one, grunting in exertion as their churning oars propelled the galley out into open water. Wren stepped forward as they picked up speed, keeping his voice low to address the grizzled captain. ¡°When we¡¯ve reached position, take shelter with your men. You¡¯ve already done more than your part.¡±


    The hobgoblin spat, his brow flecked with sweat. ¡°Aye, General.¡±


    Wren beckoned for the Specialists to step forward, turning his head towards the one who seemed to be the most senior. ¡°I¡¯ve seen what you can achieve when linked with a ranged unit first hand. Can you do that with my archers?¡±


    The Specialist nodded. ¡°Yes, General. Absolutely.¡±


    ¡°What about if you linked with a mage, then?¡±


    ¡°Haven¡¯t had the pleasure, General,¡± the kobold admitted. ¡°If they¡¯re anything like other caster Classes, though, their effective spell level will be boosted.¡±


    Wren considered that. Would a boost be enough? Couldn¡¯t tell. Not enough information. Too risky. ¡°What if more than one Specialist joins in?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¨C¡± The Specialist hesitated, continuing on at the sight of Wren¡¯s unflinching expression. ¡°It would increase the effects, yes. But it will put extra stress on the caster; long term it isn¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t have the luxury of worrying about ¡®long-term¡¯ right now, soldier. Are the risks fatal?¡±


    The Specialist shook her head. ¡°No, General.¡±


    ¡°What if all four of you join in?¡±Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°I¡­don¡¯t know.¡± She grimaced, clearly unhappy with such an imprecise response. ¡°I don¡¯t think so. But I can¡¯t say for certain. It might depend on which spells are cast, or how many spells are¨C¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re only going to have an opening for one spell anyway. If this business is going to take more than that, we were doomed from the start.¡± Wren turned around, his troops straightening up as his eyes fell upon the mage. ¡°It¡¯s Floss, right?¡±


    The young woman saluted. ¡°Yes, General, sir!¡±


    ¡°Did you catch all of that?¡±


    ¡°Yes, General, sir!¡±


    ¡°Any objections?¡±


    ¡°No, General, sir!¡±


    ¡°Alright then.¡± Wren turned back towards the mouth of the bay, squinting his eyes at the Red Player ships that loomed closer and closer on the horizon. ¡°You know which spell I want, I assume?¡± Floss nodded, so Wren continued on. ¡°What¡¯s the range on that?¡±


    ¡°Forty yards!¡±


    Bah, Wren had hoped he was remembering incorrectly. That was too close. Too risky. No other choice, though. ¡°You heard that, captain?¡±


    ¡°Aye!¡± The grizzled hobgoblin lifted up his voice for his own men. ¡°Power forward, men, and wait for my mark! We¡¯re pullin¡¯ straight through the Seahemoth¡¯s teeth!¡± The sailors yelled back and pushed themselves even harder, the galley racing towards the mouth of the bay. ¡°Easy now, boys!¡± The sailors pulled their oars out of the water, the boat continuing to glide forward under its own momentum as they awaited the next order. ¡°Now boys! Hold water!¡±


    The sailors turned their oars sideways and jammed them down in the water, straining in effort as they forced the galley to groan to a halt. When the boat finally stopped they pulled back their oars, stiffly starting down into the cargo hold to take shelter. ¡°The rest¡¯s on you, General,¡± remarked the grizzled captain, following his men. ¡°Save my city, and my crew, and my boat. In that order.¡±


    ¡°Understood.¡±


    With a final nod, the hobgoblin disappeared below deck. Wren faced his troops and the Specialists, frowning as his hand fumbled for the sword that still wasn¡¯t at his side. Blah. ¡°Specialists, I want you to form a group with Floss. Once the spell is cast, switch to individual links with archers. There will be hostile activity on those ships, and we¡¯ll need you to pick them off.¡±


    ¡°What about us?¡± Aryn questioned, indicating the other spearmen. ¡°How do we help?¡±


    Wren bent down, picking up one of the heavy oars. ¡°We¡¯re the last line of defense. Create cover for the archers, and if any of these bastards manage to board us? Make them regret it.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir!¡±


    That was that, then. Wren turned back to face the mouth of the bay, his mouth a tight line as he stared at the ever-approaching ships. He couldn¡¯t resist wondering, what drove these Red Players? There must have been some greater purpose behind their mayhem, but what? What could possibly¨C


    Wren flinched as a cannon shot burst out from one of the middle ships, slamming into the vessel beside it. What in the trees damned hell were these monsters doing? The oncoming ships were close enough now that Wren could hear yelling from their decks, but not so close that he could make out what was being said. The ears of the kobold Specialist were wriggling, though; didn¡¯t they have Enhanced Senses? ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡±


    The Specialist frowned, her ears perking up even further. ¡°I have no idea what¡¯s going on. But the one that fired the shot is insisting it was just a prank.¡±


    Wren blinked. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± The kobold focused a bit harder. ¡°The one who was shot is implying the prankster has a certain developmental disorder, and in return the prankster is asserting back that his fellow Red Player also has a certain developmental disorder and should¡­¡± She tilted her head. ¡°¡®Touch grass¡¯? I don¡¯t get it.¡±


    Wren got it. There was no greater purpose here. These people were just the worst. ¡°On my count, Floss.¡±


    The mage nodded, her eyes clenched shut as she raised her hands. ¡°Ready.¡±


    ¡°Four¡­¡± A ball of crystal-blue energy formed between the elf¡¯s palms, the Specialists quietly whispering advice and adjustments into her ears.


    ¡°Three¡­¡± The prows of the ships passed the outcrops that marked the mouth of the bay, the argument between the two squabbling Red Players still raging on.


    ¡°Two¡­¡± Floss¡¯s eyes shot open as the arcane energy in her hands collapsed into a fractal, doubling and then tripling in size as she lifted it above her head.


    Wren gritted his teeth, every tendon in his body tensed as he waited until the ships were in precisely the spot he wanted them. ¡°One! Now, Floss!¡±


    The elf screamed in a mixture of effort and pain as she slammed her hand together, crushing the fractal in her grasp to send the shards of magic scattering out into the air. ¡°ICE WALL!¡±


    Her legs gave out from under her as the arcane shards shot forward, collapsing into Wren¡¯s arms and heaving for breath. She weakly lifted her head, face utterly drained of color as she watched her spell hurtle pell-mell into the mouth of the bay. A sudden whiff of ozone and a sharp crack heralded the castle-wall thick barrier of magical ice that coalesced between the outcrops, cutting off the bay from the greater waters of the ocean and trapping the ships in its frozen grip.


    ¡°Mage Floss reporting¡­¡± The young woman managed with supreme effort, ¡°Successful cast. No spell slots left available. Gotta¡­close eyes now.¡±


    Wren nodded, gently helping the elf down into a seated position. ¡°Good work, soldier. You¡¯ve done your part, now it¡¯s our turn.¡± Floss weakly flashed a thumbs up before leaning back, falling limp as Wren straightened to squint up at the Red Player ships. ¡°Archers at the ready.¡±


    The elves nodded, nocking their arrows as the Specialists took their places beside them. Now a mere stones¡¯ throw from the trapped ships, Wren no longer needed the aid of Enhanced Senses to know what was happening on the enemy decks.


    ¡°The fuck is this?!¡± A voice demanded from one of the middle ships. ¡°Angris, are you still being a fucking dick? Because it was funny before, but this is¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah sure dude,¡± came the scathing retort from the other ship, ¡°I¡¯m totally the one who cast this fucking iceberg spell, with all those arcane spell slots that Berzerkers get. Use your fucking brain!¡±


    ¡°Well if you didn¡¯t do it, who¡­oh shit. What the fuck is¡­?¡± A figure appeared at the prow of a ship, a spyglass pressed to his face and the tell-tale crimson eye burning above his head. ¡°Isn¡¯t that just a fishing boat? The fuck are they¨C¡±


    ¡°Fire at will!¡±


    The Red Player managed a final yelp as the arrow smashed through his spyglass and into his face, the elves¡¯s Specialist-boosted aim turning them into sniper-accurate artillery units. More and more incensed Players appeared on ship decks, their irritated expressions transforming into panic as they found themselves pincushioned by withering arrow fire.


    The rain of arrows was viciously effective, but it wasn¡¯t a finishing blow. Three Red Players shot directly up into the air, using some sort of Flight spell as they weaved back and forth in a desperate attempt to evade fire. Another ran out across the prow of his ship and burst forward in a superhuman leap, axe in hand and utterly fearless of the arrows that whipped past him.


    He landed on the fishing galley with a cackle of maniacal glee, his weapon raised high above his head. ¡°Hope you bots are ready, I¡¯m gonna ooph!¡±


    The Red Player toppled bonelessly over the side of the galley as Wren¡¯s oar smashed into his side, splashing down into the water to flounder like a stunned fish. He coughed and thrashed, screaming for either his allies to help him up or for the elves to bring themselves within range of his axe, until two more oars caved the top of his head in and he sank twitching down into the bay.


    Panting with strain, Wren straightened up to watch the last of the flying Red Players careen down into the waters below, bristling with dozens of arrows. The archers drew their bows again, a hush falling over the waters as the elves waited for any sign of movement. But none came. The true sign that the battle was over didn¡¯t come until the four ships vanished, leaving behind a generic pile of wreckage as their owners Respawned at their Binding Points.


    Aryn raced forward, only to halt when Wren raised a hand. The General swiveled an eye towards the senior Specialist. ¡°Any sign of more ships?¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± She snapped out a spyglass of her own, peering out across the waters. ¡°No immediate sign. If more Red Players are sailing this way, they¡¯re several hours away at least.¡±


    Wren nodded as his troops broke out into cheers, arm-in-arm with the Specialists as the sailors burst out of the cargo hold to join them. The General didn¡¯t interrupt the moment, Gods knew it had been a long time since his elves got to savor a win. Just as he knew that it wouldn¡¯t be long before they would have to turn the galley around and row back to Shinki Itten, to take stock of what had been lost in the initial attack. To consider the attacks that were surely in their future.


    Things would get worse before they got better.

 71. Farewells in Azure, Part Two

    Shin stared down at the motionless kobold, so small and frail without the essence that must have animated her in life, and wondered how he was supposed to handle all of this hatred.


    He¡¯d only felt this way once in his entire life: that moment in the guard outpost when he¡¯d laid eyes upon the stuffed mongrels, contorted into animal poses and displayed as cruel trophies. Back then, his seething rage had been supplanted by first the desperate fight for survival and then the impossible thrill of victory.


    But now?


    Now his fury boiled inside him, bubbling up in the back of his throat, making him feel as if he needed to vomit. It had been his constant companion since the moment he returned from the Inside Place and had only grown when news of the attack on the harbor reached him. And without a knife pointed to his throat or any victory at all peeking around the corner, that hatred was his constant companion. It had nowhere to go, there was no room left in him.


    All Shin could do was writhe with how much he hated these people, these Players who saw no worthier use of their time than to hurt and murder innocent people who never harmed or even met them.


    ¡° ¨Cremember how Miyaki would always sing when she was hanging her laundry,¡± the kobold next to Shin offered, his hat clutched between his hands. ¡°I¡¯d always get whatever tune it was stuck in my head all day.¡±


    The gathered villagers murmured in agreement, huddled around the body of their fallen friend as they offered their memories in Shinki Itten tradition of funerals. There were twenty of such clusters arranged in the Garden Plaza that night, and at the center of each one of them was a body that was once a mother, or a brother, or a neighbor, or a loved one. Soon they would dissolve into a haze of blue, and those memories would be all that was left.


    Nearly every resident of Shinki Itten was present for the final night their friends would spend in Magica. And those that weren¡¯t were entirely composed of Banken and Wild Children, who patrolled every street and lurked within every shadow in defense of any who might see the citywide gathering as an opportunity for mischief or worse. Shin almost hoped the Red Players would make a move. They¡¯d barely live long enough to regret it.


    Shin silently drew away from Miyaki¡¯s huddle as a sniffling hobgoblin took his turn to speak. There were still bodies left to see.


    A light chuckle was dying down in the next group Shin carefully joined, some mild joke easing the heavy hearts of the gathered villagers. Good. That was good. Shin knew that he should also be making those kinds of efforts, that he should be helping to ease the burdens of his friends and family instead of obsessing over his own. Who¡¯s circle was this? Maybe he had a light-hearted story to¨C


    Shin¡¯s hand lifted to clutch hold of his braid as he recognized Nao carefully arranged on a blossom-strewn pallet. Why was he¡­? The kobold shook his head sharply, his lips curled and eyes squeezed shut as he silently demanded that the tears stop trailing down his cheeks.


    No. No. This wasn¡¯t right. He¡¯d spoken to Nao that morning. The last fucking thing he¡¯d said to him was ¡®Everything will be fine¡¯. That wasn¡¯t right. That wasn¡¯t fair. That wasn¡¯t¨C


    The kobold stiffened as he felt a hand touch his arm, then another on his shoulder. He forced open his eyes, barely able to see through a haze of stinging tears as the mourning villagers reached out to comfort him. It was all he could do to stand there, silently shuddering through a sob as the others quietly supported him.


    And then, with a heaving gasp, he spoke. ¡°Nao was my friend,¡± Shin managed to choke out. ¡°Our friend. And I¡¯ll never forget him.¡±


    Or that he was taken from us, Shin decided not to add.


    A tug at the back of his robes proved to be Mimasu, the little scribe seemingly regretful to interrupt. ¡°Shin, the Council is¨C¡±


    Shin turned away from Mimi, managing a sad smile for the rest of the villagers. ¡°Please, excuse us.¡± They all nodded and affirmed their understanding, returning to their farewells as Shin whipped around and marched Mimasu away from the memory circles and deeper into the shadows of the Plaza. ¡°I know the Council is ready to meet,¡± he hissed at the scribe. ¡°You don¡¯t have to hurry me along.¡±


    Mimasu frowned. ¡°I, I¡¯m sorry Shin, but it¡¯s really getting¨C¡±


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you join a circle for a bit?¡± Shin prodded the smaller kobold in the shoulder, sniffing confrontationally at him. ¡°Huh, Mimasu? I know you haven¡¯t been to one yet.¡±


    The scribe shrank back. ¡°I, but, I¡¯m really not good at this sort of thing, I don¡¯t think I¡¯d¨C¡±


    ¡°How about Piers?¡± Shin gripped Mimasu tightly by the shoulder and swung him to face the gathering for a young hobgoblin merchant. ¡°He always stocked that scroll paper you like so much. Or Heilun?¡± He aimed the scribe towards another group. ¡°You and she were at the fortress together, you fought side by side. Well, she fought, not you, so maybe not Heilun. Why not Miyaki, or Gerard, or Joko,¡± ¨CThe Schemer whipped Mimasu around until he¡¯d been confronted with each and every fallen villager¨C ¡°Or any of them, Mimasu?¡±


    The scribe stared back at Shin, ears twitching. ¡°But¡­the Council is meeting, I don¡¯t¨C¡±


    ¡°The Council doesn¡¯t need you right now,¡± Shin replied, his voice hard and flat, ¡°And they don¡¯t need me right away either.¡± He gave the other kobold a shove, forcing him to stumble towards the gathering. ¡°Pick one of them, Mimasu. Share your memories. Until then I don¡¯t want to see you. Someone else can take the fucking notes.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t wait for Mimasu¡¯s reply, turning on his heels to march away. He was going to regret having said all that. He knew that for a fact. But he could deal with the fallout later. Right now there was someone he needed to see.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡°General.¡±


    Wren glanced up towards Shin, offering the red-eyed kobold a sympathetic frown. He and the other elves had kept a respectful distance from the rituals of the Shinki Itten natives, standing by in a show of support but doing their best to not interfere with ways that weren¡¯t their own. ¡°You¡¯ve got my condolences, son. I knew a few of those villagers myself.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯d be even more of them if it wasn¡¯t for you and yours,¡± Shin replied, reaching out to gratefully take hold of Aryn¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Each and every one of you risked yourselves for us,¡± he said, slowly turning his head to meet the eyes of every Oaken Elf. ¡°You didn¡¯t do it because it was your duty, or because we forced you, or because you had something to gain. You did it because you are good. That is rare in this world.¡±


    Trees be damned. Wren could face off against a dozen more ships and three times that many Red Players, but unguarded sincerity? He¡¯d never found a way to defend against that particular scourge. ¡°It¡¯s, ahem, it¡¯s alright,¡± Wren grumbled, coughing into his fist in an attempt to hide his blush. ¡°We did what we could.¡±


    ¡°You did more than that.¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°How is Floss? Has she woken up yet?¡±


    Wren nodded. ¡°Yes, she has; the clerics say she¡¯ll be fine. Stiff as hell for a few weeks, but fine.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so glad to hear it,¡± Shin breathed, his ears unfolding. ¡°She¡¯s a hero. You¡¯re all heroes.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re prisoners,¡± Wren retorted, a light smirk playing across his lips. ¡°I¡¯m not sure it¡¯s possible to be both at¨C¡±


    ¡°You aren¡¯t prisoners,¡± Shin cut in, his tone leaving no room for debate. ¡°Banish that thought from your mind. If you want to leave Shinki Itten tonight, not only will we allow it but I will see that you are outfitted and escorted to anywhere in Magica you might want to go.¡±


    The old general raised an eyebrow. ¡°Even back to Quercus? To King Glandem?¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears shot forward. ¡°Wren, if you and your troops want to go back to Glandem, even after everything that¡¯s happened, I will personally go to Quercus with you and allow you to turn me over to him. This conflict will be over. You will have won it.¡±


    Wren could never tell when the kid was lying. He didn¡¯t think he ever would. But somehow, he had to believe that that was the truth. ¡°We¡¯re¡­not going back to him,¡± Wren replied, not needing to look back to confirm the nods of all of the other elves. ¡°That chapter in our lives is over.¡±


    ¡°Then join us,¡± Shin implored, his hands reaching out to Wren in a heartfelt plea. ¡°I won¡¯t pressure you in front of the Council again, or try to make some public spectacle out of the matter. But right now, when it¡¯s just you and me,¡± ¨CHe threw out his hand, indicating the gathered elves¨C ¡°And every one of you who¡¯s lost so much and still risked everything to stand here tonight, I¡¯m begging you to join us. We¡¯re already friends, Wren. Why can¡¯t we be family, too?¡±You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    ¡°I¨C¡± Wren stopped himself, holding his breath as he considered his response. He¡¯d known this moment would come eventually. Impossible for it not to. He hadn¡¯t thought it would be tonight, though, or that Shin would be so willing to throw away every ounce of pride to ask, but he¡¯d decided on his answer long ago. And then reconsidered. And then reconsidered again. And then he didn¡¯t know what he thought, and decided to stop thinking about it. But now the kid had forced the issue, and Wren found himself on the spot.


    Wren had once heard a piece of advice, a scrap of old soldier¡¯s wisdom that had served him well. If you were ever unsure between two choices, flip a coin. Once it¡¯s landed, and the choice has been made for you, you¡¯ll know how you truly wanted it to land. Well the kid had just laid it all out for him, and it truly seemed as if the choice had been made.


    But.


    ¡°I¡¯ve given up on Glandem,¡± Wren heard himself responding, ¡°But not on Quercus. I won¡¯t give up on Quercus. Can¡¯t.¡± The general strode forward pointing towards one of the memory circles. ¡°Quercus has someone just like Heilun,¡± ¨CHe swept his finger towards another circle¨C ¡°And Panko,¡± ¨CAnother¨C ¡°And a Nao, too. And I won¡¯t abandon them, either. Maybe one day things will be different, or there won¡¯t be another way forward, or¨C¡± He let that thought trail off, shaking his head with a sigh. ¡°Until then, though? No. The answer is no.¡±


    Shin ran a hand down the side of his face. Gods, the kid looked tired. ¡°So what are we, then?¡± He inquired. ¡°We can¡¯t go on as if nothing has changed.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± Wren glanced towards Aryn, the young elf chewing on his lower lip in concern. ¡°What do you think?¡±


    ¡°Eh? Oh!¡± The elf chewed his lip a little harder, eventually mustering up a response. ¡°Allies?¡±


    ¡°That sounds right to me.¡± Wren extended a hand to the downcast Schemer. ¡°We¡¯ll be allies, as close as allies can be. With hopes to one day be even closer, assuming your offer still stands?¡±


    Shin sniffled, then gratefully took the older man¡¯s offered shake. ¡°It does, Wren. It will. Thank you again.¡± The two allies stood together for a moment, connected by their clasped hands and a hard-won comradery, and then Shin heaved a sigh. ¡°Alright, well. I¡¯ve got to go now. The Council expects me to explain to them how I¡¯m going to keep all of our craftsmen from getting deleted.¡±


    Wren winced. ¡°Tough break. I heard that all of your Profession Skills were locked?¡± Shin nodded, so Wren continued on. ¡°Well seeing as we¡¯re not an official part of Shinki Itten, ours weren¡¯t. We can start the repairs on the docks until you manage to plot and swindle your way out of yet another jam.¡±


    Shin tsked. ¡°So what, now we¡¯re gonna owe you even more? We¡¯ve been allies for thirty seconds, Wren, and you¡¯re already making this alliance unbalanced as hell.¡±


    ¡°Them¡¯s the breaks, son.¡± Wren shrugged. ¡°You have to wake up pretty damn early to out-ally an Oaken Elf.¡±


    ¡°Clearly.¡±


    Wren watched the kobold shuffle away, noting that the kid¡¯s shoulders were held a bit higher now. Good. It¡¯d been a rough day for all of them, and more punishment was coming. But they could hold each other up. That did make them family, even if they weren¡¯t officially part of the same side.


    Blah. Unguarded Sincerity. The kid had infected him. Wren turned back to his troops, the elves perking up as their general¡¯s craggy face split in a sideways grin. ¡°Looks like it¡¯s another long day for us tomorrow, eh? More time spent showing these pups how real elves get things done, right?!¡±


    The other elves pumped their fists as one, fire blazing behind their eyes. ¡°Right!¡±


    Wren might not have been able to tell when the kid was lying. But he was certain now whether or not he liked him. Whether or not he liked Shinki Itten. And even if he wasn¡¯t, he knew how his troops felt.


    For an old officer like Wren? That was all he needed to know.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    By the time Shin finally joined the rest of the Council at the back of the Garden Plaza, he could tell they must have been waiting a long time. Even Dyu was visibly flustered at having had to wait so long. ¡°Finally,¡± Shita frowned, her strong arms folded across her chest. ¡°Can we get through this, now?¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t immediately respond as he stepped into the group. Instead he cocked an ear, leveling a stare at Mimasu. ¡°Which circle did you join? What did you say?¡±


    The little scribe frowned. ¡°That¡¯s personal.¡± When Shin continued to stare, though, he frowned harder. ¡°I watched Nao. I said I¡¯d always remember how nice he made your hair look. Are you happy now?¡±


    ¡°No. Absolutely not.¡± Still, he didn¡¯t press the issue any further, turning instead to scan the rest of the group. ¡°Where are we at?¡±


    ¡°Still grasping at straws,¡± Hanbun grumbled. ¡°We still don¡¯t know for sure if this was just a terrible day, or if it was all¨C¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t just happenstance,¡± Shin insisted, ¡°This was organized. What did the Moderator wind up doing in response to the mass reportings?¡±


    ¡°He turned off our Skills,¡± Shita answered. ¡°We all know that.¡±


    ¡°Yes but what did he say?¡± Shin pressed forward, tapping a finger into his palm. ¡°Didn¡¯t he say it was ¡®Standard Procedure¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Sure an¡¯ true, that¡¯s right enough,¡± Moots mused. ¡°Iffin someone were savvy o¡¯ how the moderation system worked, they¡¯d know ¡®sactly what mass reportin¡¯ our Trainers would do. Sure as heckfire they¡¯d know.¡±


    Shin went ahead and finished the thought. ¡°And then that very same day, Red Players cause a massive disaster that requires extensive repairs?¡± He shook his head, dismissing any thought of coincidences. ¡°No. Not a chance. This was all planned. This was Glandem.¡±


    ¡°Um¨C¡± The Council turned as one to stare at Bex, the honorary kobold¡¯s tail tucked at suddenly being the center of attention. ¡°Sorry, I wasn¡¯t sure if it was appropriate for me to be here, I just wanted to show my respects and then I saw all of you and I¨C¡±


    Shin beckoned the girl forward, a bit of the furor attempting to burst free of his ribcage fading away. ¡°You¡¯re one of us, Bex.¡± Even if he hadn¡¯t known the girl at this point, the glistening trails on her cheeks said it all. ¡°You have just as much right to be here as any of us.¡±


    Bex nodded, running her forearm across her eyes before sheepishly moving to join the Council. She sniffed again as Gero slipped her under one arm, offering the other woman a grateful look before starting over. ¡°Sorry. It¡¯s just, I don¡¯t know how it could be Glandem.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°You don¡¯t think he¡¯d do something like this?¡±


    ¡°No no, it¡¯s not that at all. It¡¯s just¡­¡± Bex frowned. ¡°Forget about me. Okay? Think about most of the Players you¡¯ve ever met. Hell, even think about my two friends. Are you thinking about them?¡±


    Shin frowned, not certain that he followed. ¡°Okay, I am¡­¡±


    ¡°Okay. Now, ask yourself: How many of them do you think would go along with something that an NPC told them to do? And not, like, a quest or a mission or something in the game. I mean that would follow the lead of one of them?¡±


    That¡­wasn¡¯t the worst point Shin had ever heard. ¡°Not many.¡±


    Bex extended her palms. ¡°Right? And that¡¯s just normal Players. The idea of a Red Player working with a Magica citizen, it¡¯s just¡­¡± The girl scoffed, shaking her head. ¡°No way. Not a chance. It goes against everything they¡¯re all about. A Red Player who did that would get laughed out of their forums so hard that it would probably take them permanently offline.¡±


    That also wasn¡¯t the worst point Shin had ever heard. ¡°Right¡­¡±


    ¡°And even then,¡± ¨CBex continued on¨C ¡°If it did somehow happen? Trying to get all of them to follow along with a plan would be like trying to put a leash on a bolt of lightning and take it for walks. Red Players aren¡¯t followers. Within the first five minutes of the plan being set, like sixty percent of them would already be trying to decide on what the funniest moment to betray everyone else would be. The other forty percent would have already done it.¡±


    ¡°So it must be some other Player who put this all together,¡± Hilde started, fussing in distraction with the tassel of her sword, ¡°And they¡¯re either a master organizer or supremely charismatic. I¡¯m not sure which possibility I¡¯m less thrilled by.¡±


    ¡°And we have no idea where the next attack might come from,¡± Hanbun added, flicking her ears towards the Wild Children councilmember. ¡°Have you heard from your brothers and sisters out in the wilds?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± the wild-looking kobold confirmed. ¡°Every path between Shinki Itten and the five closest cities is under constant watch. Higen is on his way here, but until the Council gains new information we¡¯re just killing Red Players on sight and keeping the scent of everyone else.¡±


    ¡°We can worry about all of that later,¡± Shita interrupted. ¡°Right now I just want to hear about how we¡¯re going to avoid being deleted. Those Players are going to go back to mass reporting us as soon as our Skills turn back on, aren¡¯t they? So what are we going to do?¡±


    Shin shook his head. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ve got that solved.¡±


    Shita had clearly hoped Shin would say that, but hadn¡¯t dared let herself believe it. ¡°Really?¡± the blacksmith demanded. ¡°You¡¯ve really figured it out?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Shin promised, his tone leaving no room for doubt. ¡°Absolutely. Once our Skills are back on, just tell any Player who comes asking for training to meet me in the central Tower. I will take care of everything, Shita.¡±


    The powerful woman nearly collapsed, such was her instant relief. ¡°Oh Goddess, Shin, thank you. When Koda began to fade, I wasn¡¯t, I mean I couldn¡¯t¡­¡± She went quiet as she focused on something happening further into the Plaza, a dark cyan light reflected in her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s starting.¡±


    She didn¡¯t need to explain what. The Council turned as one, huddling together as beads of azure began to gently float away from the twenty memory circles. The gathered villagers of Shinki Itten fell into a bittersweet silence as the air above them filled with motes of glimmering blue, the night sky momentarily turning as bright and colorful as day as their friends and family passed on to rejoin the essence of the world.


    Shin leaned in as he felt Gero slip her arm around him, gratefully nestling himself against her. She hadn¡¯t said anything that night, hadn¡¯t had any comment about Shin¡¯s attitude or state of mind or behavior. But she knew that no matter how far the kobolds had come, sometimes the mongrel in them just needed support and a quiet snuggle.


    And so there they stood, tails entwined as they bid farewell to those they had lost. Nothing could bring them back, but Shin could give everything he had to make certain that no one else followed after them.


    And he could see to it that the ones who had taken them paid.

 72. The Value of a Little Quiet

    ¡°How many are there?¡±


    The frazzled steward took a moment to adjust his robe before giving his report. ¡°Twenty six. They¡¯re all in the third floor meditation room like you instructed, but¡­¡± He grimaced, unable to hide his distaste even through the mask of pure politeness Shinki Itten stewards universally perfected. ¡°Can you really teach them? They¡¯re, they¡¯re all¡­animals!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± Shin promised. ¡°I¡¯ll teach them alright. They¡¯re going to learn a lot today.¡±


    The other kobold clearly didn¡¯t understand, but was too eager to wash his hands of the matter to say so. ¡°Okay then. Good luck.¡±


    Shin nodded, setting aside his tea to make his way down the tower stairs. Twenty six Players, huh? So Twenty Six Players sending Twenty Six reports was all it took to threaten the very existence of his home? He¡¯d always known that the arbiters of the System held this zone¡¯s worth to be cheap, but it was somehow freeing to have an exact value on the matter.


    If only he could figure out a way to upset Players in strict batches of twenty five at a time. He¡¯d be immortal.


    Even if the steward hadn¡¯t told him the room where the Players had been warehoused, the muffled sounds of boisterous roughhousing was as sure as a signal flare to Shin¡¯s Enhanced Senses. He paused long enough to offer the Banken stationed at either side of the door a nod, then slid open the door and strode purposefully into the meditation room.


    The place was already an utter wreck, destroyed by the two dozen plus Players waiting around inside. ¡®Accidentally¡¯, Shin was sure. For the moment, though, they all stared at him in anticipation, a few with looks of faux innocence and a few with truly devious gleams in their eyes, but all of them with a blue Streaming icon shimmering over their heads.


    Shin had two audiences, it would seem. Best not to keep them waiting.


    ¡°So!¡± Shin exclaimed, clapping his hands together. ¡°All of you are wisdom seekers, then? Hoping to walk a path of knowledge and self-discovery?¡±


    The Players all attempted to give their replies at once, more than a few repeating their joke responses over and over at louder volumes in an attempt to drown out the neighbors who were doing the exact same thing.


    Shin paid the ungodly din no mind, however, acting as if the Players had given him a polite chorus of yeses as he plastered a pleasant smile on his face. ¡°Oh good! That¡¯s so good! Then I have a very special gift for all of you!¡±


    At that moment, Shin knew he had come to a crossroads. He could go through with his plan, yes. It would probably work, and then he¡¯d take the next step and the next until Shinki Itten¡¯s future was secured. Or he could march outside, grab every lantern he could carry, hurl them inside and then barricade the door, trapping all of these awful Players in a fiery coffin from which there was no escape.


    Both options. Both good.


    ¡­Eh. Let¡¯s stick with Plan A.


    If the Players were surprised when the prompts popped before their faces, few of them showed it. But by the time they¡¯d finally read what was written there, it was a different story. ¡°The fuck is this?¡± one of them demanded. ¡°You actually expect us to do this?¡±


    ¡°Oh, gosh!¡± Shin breathed. ¡°I don¡¯t really expect anything! Enlightenment is a difficult road, and there is no such thing as failure along its path, but maybe if you focus some of you will¨C¡±


    ¡°Nuh-uh, no way,¡± a Player insisted, waving away his prompt. ¡°I¡¯m not doing this. Teach me Carpentry in the normal way.¡±


    ¡°This is the normal way,¡± Shin stated, a hint of flatness poisoning his chipper tone. ¡°This is now the normal way to learn a Profession in Shinki Itten. There is no other option. If you can¡¯t do it, you can¡¯t do it. So stick around here and learn to pound nails, or go somewhere else and pound sand.¡±


    The uproar of outrage that assaulted Shin¡¯s ears as he turned away from the Players was such music that he couldn¡¯t resist humming along, his mood significantly lifted as he firmly slid the door shut behind him. He wasn¡¯t so distracted, however, that he didn¡¯t address the two Banken. ¡°Get a Wild Son or Daughter on anyone who leaves this room,¡± he ordered, ¡°For as long as they¡¯re within our zones.¡±


    The guards nodded, one of the two tilting his head. ¡°Just observation? Or¡­?¡±


    ¡°Well. As long as they mind their manners, sure. But tell the Wild Children that if they get even a whiff of Red coming off of any of them, they¡¯re free to drag them off into the forest for anything they¡¯d like. These punks are all low Level. It won¡¯t be much of a fight.¡±


    ¡°Understood.¡±


    As much as the current situation of his city still enraged Shin, he had to admit: there was a certain charm in having foes that he didn¡¯t have to morally struggle over. It appealed to the little nubbin of his brain that was still one hundred percent mongrel. These guys were Shit, there were no two ways about it.. And Shit Gets Buried was a close second to Big is Good in the mongrel pantheon of Big Truths.


    Shin had time to make it all the way back to his quarters, pour himself a cup of tea, and indulge in a long, soothing sniff from the delightfully herbaceous cup before he felt himself being dragged into the Inside Place. Goddess, that was fast. He supposed writing an official report must not take much time, then. And the fact that these time wasting clowns were so outraged that the script had been turned on them?


    Yeah. Pieces of Shit. Shin allowed himself a satisfied smile, even as he snapped fully into the geometrically insane world that existed between Magica and the System. It was nice when everything made sense.


    If the Sky Voice shared even an ounce of Shin¡¯s quiet pleasure, it was doing a magnificent job of hiding it. ¡°One fucking hour? Seriously?! You¡¯ve been unrestricted for one hour and you¡¯re over the limit again?!¡±


    Oh excellent, Shin realized with a start. His cup of tea had been brought along with him. He inhaled deeply from the amber liquid once more, reveling in the wisps of fennel and caraway that playfully gamboled beneath the sea of springy lemon. Goddess, that was nice.


    ¡°Oh you little shit, if you think you can sit there and ignore me, you¡¯ve got¨C¡±


    ¡°There are no complaints about Shinki Itten Trainers,¡± Shin casually remarked, allowing himself another deep sniff of his tea. ¡°Zero. I¡¯m sure of it.¡±


    The sheer confidence in Shin¡¯s voice forced Sky Voice to pause, its arm still raised to knock the teacup out of the kobold¡¯s hands. ¡°...the fuck are you talking about? I¡¯ve got the reports right here. Every single one of them is complaining about Shinki Itten''s Professions. Every single one of them mentions you.¡±


    Shin shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m certain they do, but that¡¯s just blaming the messenger. If you look a bit more closely, you¡¯ll find those complaints are in fact all about a quest.¡±


    ¡°.........¡± Sky Voice straightened back up, waving its hand to summon a prompt. It rapidly clicked through several screens, fingers scrolling across a flood of information in impatient silence. Then the Sky Voice began to read, doubtful at first but increasingly intrigued as it shuffled through complaints . ¡°Okay, yes. These are all flagged as being Quest-Related, but the text of the complaints all insist that the issue is with Profession Training. The fuck is up with that?¡±


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s simple enough,¡± Shin replied. ¡°You listened to the complaints of your Players, made a sincere inventory of their issues, and have changed the way Shinki Itten handles Professions.¡±


    ¡°Did I, huh?" Sky Voice tapped the side of its head in a pantomime of faux confusion. "Funny. That¡¯s news to me.¡±


    ¡°Is it? How strange. Well don¡¯t mention that to whoever your boss is, because it¡¯s really a solid system. You¡¯ll want to get full credit, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s back up a second here.¡± The Moderator floated over towards Shin, circling around him in a ponderous circle. ¡°You¡¯ve got one Quest that covers all Professions?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°How the fuck does that work?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s simple.¡± Shin lowered his cup, his ears perking forward as he detailed his plan. ¡°The Player goes into the meditation room. They commune with their ancestors for a time. And once they¡¯ve forged a present-day bond with the wisdom of the past, they are imbued with the knowledge that they seek.¡±


    ¡°...So what is actually happening on this Quest?¡±


    Shin shrugged again. ¡°The Player has to sit quietly in a room for four hours. If they can¡¯t, sucks for them. If they can, they get to be a journeyman Brewer or whatever.¡±


    Sky Voice scoffed. ¡°Wait, so you¡¯re just giving them the Skills? We don¡¯t hand out shit here, okay? People have to put in work in KoM.¡±


    ¡°Is that right?¡± The kobold leaned forward, his tail lifting in a show of contest. ¡°I left the Players maybe ten minutes ago. How about you take a little look and see if they feel like they¡¯re putting in work.¡±If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    Despite lacking a face, Sky Voice very clearly rolled its eyes. ¡°Fine. Whatever.¡± The Moderator pinched its fingers together and then drew them apart, a silvery sheet of something very much like water expanding between its digits. ¡°Don¡¯t whine when this blows up in your face, though.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin took another sniff of his tea, radiating a complete lack of concern. ¡°I¡¯ll try.¡±


    Sky Voice punched something into the bottom of its Scrying Mirror, grumbling in annoyance. ¡°This has got to be the first time anyone¡¯s used one of these to spy on a room full of dudes just around sitting quietly. If anyone sees this search log, they¡¯re gonna either think I¡¯m super boring or some sort of mega pervert.¡± A rainbow-tinted wash rippled over the surface of the silvery sheet, Sky Voice gesturing smugly towards it as the meditation room swirled into focus. ¡°See? Just a bunch of guys¡­¡­¡± The Moderator trailed off, leaning in to squint at the Scrying Screen. ¡°Uh, how many did you say where there when you left?¡±


    ¡°Twenty six.¡±


    ¡°Well there are only ten now. Sixteen of them couldn¡¯t shut up for ten minutes?¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°You¡¯re really that surprised that a bunch of attention addicts can¡¯t handle a moment of quiet introspection? Especially ones who are trying to Stream. How many of them do you think lost all of their viewers after the first two minutes of absolute silence?¡±


    Sky Voice considered that. ¡°Yeah, well, those ten are sticking with it, aren¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°All ten of them? No. Maybe one or two are, but the rest of them are just sticking around so they can¨C¡±


    The kobold didn¡¯t need to finish that thought. As if on cue, one of the Players pressed his hands together and released a hideously loud fake fart sound in the middle of the meditation room. One of the others burst up from his seat, completely furious, while the others simply looked sour that they¡¯d been beaten to the punch.


    ¡°What the fuck man?!¡± the outraged Player yelled. ¡°You fucking threw off my concentration! Now I gotta fucking start all over again!¡±


    ¡°Sowwy~!¡± The clearly not-sorry Player squeaked. ¡°I gotta toot sometimes! I gots them butt trubs!¡±


    ¡°Jesus,¡± Sky Voice swore, waving away the Scrying Screen. ¡°They¡¯re trolling each other. Dante missed the fucking mark; I have seen the Eighth Circle of Hell and it is worse than he could have possibly imagined.¡±


    Shin had no clue what that meant, but he was pretty sure he¡¯d gotten his point across. ¡°See? I think you¡¯ll agree that no one is getting anything for free in that room.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, no doubt." A touch of reproach reentered Sky Voice''s words. "But this is supposed to be a Crafting Hub, and now no one can learn any Professions in it. That¡¯s a fucking problem.¡±


    ¡°Welll~,¡± Shin intoned, his tail waggling impishly. ¡°If a Profession trainer doesn¡¯t sense any of a Player¡¯s ancestors calling them down a path of enlightenment, I suppose they could always just teach them in the normal fashion. The meditation room is really just for special cases.¡± Shin couldn¡¯t have kept the venom out of his voice even if he¡¯d wanted to. ¡°We just happen to have a lot of special cases in Shinki Itten right now.¡±


    ¡°Right, so basically all you¡¯ve done here is create a Fuck Off Room to dump all the trolls in.¡±


    ¡°Your words, not mine.¡± Shin dipped a finger into his tea. Bah, it was cold. ¡°I¡¯ve given you a perfectly reasonable explanation for every choice I¡¯ve made, with solid cultural support within this zone¡¯s Tribe. It¡¯s all perfectly valid.¡±


    Sky Voice clearly wasn¡¯t convinced yet. ¡°They¡¯re still going to file reports about it.¡±


    ¡°Sure, but those won¡¯t be complaints accusing citizens of not doing their jobs, so there won¡¯t be any reason to delete anybody.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s just passing the fucking buck!¡± Sky Voice proclaimed. ¡°It doesn¡¯t change the fact that the complaints will still be rolling in!¡±


    Ugh, how was this person so dense? ¡°Do Players not file complaints about Quests very often?¡±


    ¡°They file complaints about Quests all the time.¡±


    ¡°Do you guys care about those complaints?¡±


    ¡°Well, I mean, not really,¡± Sky Voice confessed. ¡°That''s just no-lifers thinking they could make this game better than we can. We actually like to share around the particularly funny quest complaints. People complain that they can¡¯t get through the simplest shit; you wouldn¡¯t believe it.¡±


    ¡°Oh? The simplest shit? Like, say, just sitting in a room and not being a complete asshole for a few hours?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¨C¡± The Sky Voice paused, gears finally beginning to turn within its featureless head. ¡°Okay, but¡­what do I tell my boss, then? I can¡¯t just say I did all this to make life nicer for some random NPCs.¡±


    Oh right; Goddess forbid anyone think a Moderator might have lowered themselves to show a smidge of empathy to NPCs. Not that Shin hadn¡¯t already considered Sky Voice¡¯s reluctance. ¡°Well I guess you¡¯ll have to tell your boss that you came up with a way to partition your most problematic Players from the ones who just want to have a nice time, while simultaneously creating a way to force those problem Players to burn time in your zone. And then you probably tell him to start the paperwork on your promotion.¡±


    Shin shook his head, allowing the scorn to flash across his eyes for the first time. ¡°I¡¯ve got ten Players paying you for the privilege of just sitting in a room for hours upon end, and you¡¯re telling me to do my job better. How much nicer am I supposed to serve all of this up for you?¡±


    A heavy silence fell over the Inside Place at that, the Sky Voice¡¯s empty visage a true blank slate for once. For a moment, Shin worried that he¡¯d misread things, had managed to push matters too far. But then a chair flickered into existence at his side. ¡°Take a seat, Shin.¡±


    So he¡¯d gotten his Chair Privileges back, had he? That was a good sign.


    Shin settled down gratefully, setting his teacup onto the little end table that popped into being as the Sky Voice wafted down, floating in a seated position across from the kobold. ¡°You know something, Shin? You¡¯re a pretty smart guy.¡±


    The Schemer accepted the patronizing praise with far more dignity than it deserved. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Sky Voice laced its fingers together, giving the impression of probing insight as it leaned in. ¡°But here¡¯s something that even a smart guy like you probably doesn¡¯t know. Contrary to the impression you might have understandably formed, we Mods don¡¯t really like to be as,¡± ¨CIt mimed a pair of quotes midair¨C ¡°¡®Hands On¡¯ as the last month or so in this zone might have led you to believe.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Shin conceded. ¡°You¡¯re probably busy people.¡±


    ¡°Absolutely. And Magica is supposed to be a self-contained System, right? So whenever possible we really prefer to let matters on the ground work themselves out.¡±


    Shin waved his hand in a grand display, providing his own fanfare. ¡°Magica¡¯s Best Moderator is Magica¡¯, or something like that.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s exactly right, and I am definitely going to steal that.¡± Sky Voice leaned back, seemingly now fully at ease. ¡°So from time to time we like to empower certain individuals of a certain caliber with extra responsibilities, extra duties.¡± Somehow, the eyeless Moderator managed to wink. ¡°And extra perks, of course.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re suggesting that I might be one of said individuals, right?¡±


    ¡°Well. Maybe. It¡¯s complicated. There¡¯s an¡­overlap issue.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin nodded. ¡°King Glandem.¡±


    Sky Voice tapped its fingers against its arm, giving the impression of a slowly spreading smile. ¡°...Yeah, he was right. You really are smart. Yes, I¡¯m talking about Glandem. We¡¯re already invested in him, and he wants you out of the picture.¡±


    Shin tutted. ¡°That¡¯s no good.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s really not. So you can see my dilemma, yes? There are obviously benefits to working with you, you''ve made that abundantly clear. But with Glandem already settled in, I have to¨C¡±


    ¡° ¨C¡¯You have to let matters on the ground work themselves out¡¯,¡± Shin finished for the Moderator. ¡°Is that what you were going to say?¡±


    ¡°Not exactly. But it certainly sounds like you have a suggestion.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s simple. You must know that Glandem and I are already in direct conflict, right?¡± Sky Voice nodded, and so Shin carried on. ¡°So just stay out of it. Completely. The two of us will continue on with our little schemes, and eventually it should be clear which of us has presented the best argument for ourselves. When that day comes you simply swoop in, claim to have always been on that person¡¯s side, and give the other one the boot.¡±


    Sky Voice chuckled, appearing to be supremely pleased with the paths this terminations-turned-interview had started down. ¡°Heh, alright. I can sell that. Though I¡¯ll have to tell Glandem about this too, to keep things sporting.¡±


    ¡°Sporting?¡± Shin drained his tea, carelessly throwing the cup over his shoulder to spiral endlessly into the shapeless nether. ¡°If Glandem doesn¡¯t know this conversation happened by this time tomorrow, just declare me the victor right away. It¡¯d mean he¡¯s useless. Lack of competition has turned him soft.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re mean-spirited, Shin. I like it.¡± Sky Voice lifted back up into the air, sounding as if it was shifting to other matters as it turned away from Shin. ¡°Fine, I suppose this is the last you¡¯ll see of me for a while. My associate will stay up to date on your situation, and I guess I¡¯ll just have to wait and see who wins.¡± The Moderator favored Shin with a final glance over its shoulder. ¡°I do hope it¡¯s you, though. Glandem¡¯s always whining about the most pointless shit.¡±


    Shin stood as his chair began to fizzle away. ¡°Yeah, well, I hope it¡¯s me, too.¡±


    If the Sky Voice gave a response, it was lost as the kobold faded out of the Inside Place and back into his quarters. Woof, okay. So that was handled. He sat back down, wearily pouring himself another cup of tea as he took stock of his efforts.


    The more he thought about it, the more he couldn¡¯t deny it. He¡¯d made a deal with a devil. And honestly, it didn¡¯t bother him as much as it probably should have. That deal had saved Shinki Itten lives today, and that already proved its value. If he had to find a way to break it tomorrow, well, so what?


    Wasn¡¯t that what being a Schemer was all about?

 73. Mysteries, Divine and Otherwise

    Shin could so clearly remember the days he spent languishing in ennui, filled with self-pity over the fact that he alone amongst the residents of Shinki Itten seemed to lack a job. ¡®Day-to-day, Shinki Itten doesn¡¯t need someone Scheming¡¯ was the keystone quote, as the kobold recalled.


    Well, Shinki Itten actually had needed someone on-site Scheming for precisely one day now, and Shin was ready to be unemployed again.


    It wasn¡¯t that he longed for idle days of pondering fish, sweeping leaves and having his random thoughts immortalized in writing like pearls of great wisdom. As far as possible from it. And it wasn¡¯t that he found his new focus on counter-Scheming to be distasteful work. Again: as far as possible from it.


    Which was the entire issue, wasn¡¯t it?


    Shin¡¯s devious imagination had become the first line of defense against a mind (or minds) just as sneaky and skulking as his own, and an enormous part of him absolutely loved it. But if he allowed himself to become wrapped up in the dramatics, to lose himself in the dance of lunge and counter-riposte? That would erase any and all differences between Shin and the Players he had decisively confirmed that he hated.


    The stakes of this game weren¡¯t a simple win or lose, a little paper crown for him to parade around with or a consolation sticker with ¡®Better Luck Next Time!¡¯ scrawled on it. Shin had to play this game because if he didn¡¯t? People he loved would die. Twenty of them already had.


    In short, Shin having a job to do and Shinki Itten being in peril were locked in a sort of counter-balance. And if him being bored meant safer, more secure lives for his neighbors? Shin could live with that. He¡¯d just start sweeping the path to the shrine twice a day.


    Still, he wasn¡¯t about to pretend that there wasn¡¯t a certain dark-natured song in his heart this morning. Now that the bay was properly blockaded and the Wild Children had all land-based routes through the zone within their jaws, Shinki Itten¡¯s most pressing security issues had been addressed. That just left the more nebulous issues, and more specifically the question that had Shin so excited that he¡¯d bounded out of the giant ball of kobolds a full three hours before anyone else that morning.


    ¡®How would I undermine a Sanctuary?¡¯


    In theory, it should be impossible. Right? Players could not attack Citizens while they were inside Sanctuaries, period. But the Red Players and their boats had already proven the mighty shield of Sanctuary had a fatal flaw in that one little word: ¡®Attack¡¯. Crashing a ship into a dock wasn¡¯t an attack, it was a mistake! Sure, lots of innocent citizens wound up injured or killed, but that didn¡¯t make it an attack.


    There was a certain cruel beauty to the logic of it, and Shin had to know how far it went. Shin knew that there were at least some protections in place for that sort of thing; Players being unable to shoot a fireball or the like indiscriminately inside a Sanctuary was frequently given as an example in the readily available information. But could a Player step into a crowded market and fire an arrow straight up into the air?


    Bex leaned against her practice staff, taking a moment to wipe the sweat from her brow. ¡°...Sorry, what¡¯s the difference again?¡±


    ¡°With the fireball, it¡¯s the Player¡¯s direct action that causes harm,¡± Shin suggested. ¡°But with the arrow, their actual action was technically to aim an attack away from any bystanders. By a certain thinking, it¡¯s gravity that reverses the course of the arrow and turns it into a harmful action.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Bex breezed through a formation, striking the weighted head of her training weapon against the practice dummy. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter what you intended. The System stops you from firing a weapon while inside a Sanctuary.¡±


    Shin scribbled his thoughts on the matter down. ¡°What counts as a weapon, then?¡±


    Bex lowered her staff, her head tilted. ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I mean, there must be a line between weapon and non-weapon somewhere. An arrow is a weapon, sure. But a whole ship isn¡¯t?¡±


    The girl lowered her weapon even further. ¡°...Huh.¡±


    ¡°And furthermore,¡± Shin pressed on, ¡°I get that intent seems to matter. But does that mean you could trick someone who only had good intentions into causing harm?¡±


    ¡°What? How?¡±


    ¡°I mean, I haven¡¯t thought about it much.¡± Shin had thought about it a lot. ¡°But suppose Guy One hated Guy Two. Could Guy One put poison in Guy Two¡¯s drink?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Bex declared, confident in her assessment. ¡°Definitely not.¡±


    ¡°Okay, but what if Guy One went to Guy Two¡¯s friend, Guy Three? One gives Three a bottle of poisoned booze he knows Three hates, but Two loves. Could Three give the bottle to Two, not realizing that his friend was going to drink poison?¡±


    Bex flattened her ears. ¡°I¡­guess I don¡¯t know?¡±


    Shin had more to say on the matter. ¡°And what if it wasn¡¯t even poison, per se? Maybe Guy Two is deathly allergic to nuts. One gives Three a dessert with nuts hidden inside, anticipating that he¡¯ll share it with Two. Sanctuaries don¡¯t protect citizens against accidents, after all. People still fall down or choke or accidentally eat something they shouldn¡¯t have all the time.¡± The kobold whipped his tail back and forth, these nagging thoughts making him wriggle with impatient energy. ¡°How many steps of removal does it take for a forbidden assault to become an everyday accident?¡±


    ¡°Jesus Christ, Shin.¡± Bex shook her head, starting to screw apart her practice staff. ¡°I know that you have to ask these questions? That they¡¯re super important for the safety of Shinki Itten? But sometimes when I¡¯m done talking with you, I feel like I have to go and immediately hug my mom.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I know. I am a giant bummer now.¡±


    ¡°As long as you know~!¡±


    ¡°Can I ask just one more question? And then I promise we¡¯ll talk about something less dire?¡±


    The honorary kobold grinned as she continued putting away her training equipment. ¡°Go for it. Dire me up.¡±


    ¡°What was the name of the item you bought that lets you appear like a citizen?¡±


    Bex paused long enough to pull off her weighted vest, flapping the neck of her undershirt to work up a bit of a breeze. ¡°You mean my Roleplayers¡¯ Mantle?¡±


    That was it. ¡°What would happen if a Red Player used one of those?¡±


    ¡°A Red Player with a Roleplayers¡¯ Mantle?¡± Bex snorted at the thought. ¡°I don¡¯t know, they¡¯d die of embarrassment the moment they turned it on? Thinking roleplaying sucks is, like, the founding belief of Red Players.¡±


    ¡°But just suppose they did,¡± Shin insisted. ¡°How could it make them seem like citizens when they have a giant bloody eye floating over their heads? Would it just get rid of the eye entirely?¡±


    Bex shook her head. ¡°Definitely not. The Crimson Eye is the definitive punishment for becoming a Red Player. The Mantle might be able to¡­I don¡¯t know, change it somehow, but it would still be there. No idea how.¡±


    Curious. Vaguely unsettling, and curious.


    Well, on to livelier matters. ¡°Tell me about your new Class!¡±


    The girl let out a good-natured huff at that, clearly still pleased with her achievement yet just as plainly a touch frustrated. ¡°Honestly? It¡¯s all a bit over my head. Having a Unique Class is a lot more complicated than just being an Adventurer, that¡¯s for sure.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°How so?¡±


    Bex shouldered her workout bag, shifting her weight from side to side as she mulled how best to put the issue into words. ¡°Okay, so: Legendary Classes. That¡¯s the Class Rank below Unique, right? Super duper rare, basically more than any Player could ever hope for. Yeah?¡± When Shin nodded, the girl continued on. ¡°Well, they aren¡¯t just special and powerful. They¡¯re also pretty infamous for being mystery boxes.


    Shin¡¯s head was coming dangerously close to his shoulder at this point. ¡°So, what, they don¡¯t spell things out for you?¡±


    ¡°Oh man, they sure don¡¯t.¡± Bex brightened as a thought occurred to her. ¡°Okay, this is the famous example. There¡¯s this Player, Great Garland? He hits the Legendary Class Last King of Battle, like, three years after the Magica launches. It has all of these amazing skills that activate ¡®In Battle¡¯, yeah? But none of them will work when he¡¯s fighting; his Legendary Class is effectively as strong as a Rare one. The dude gives up eventually, deletes his character and starts over.¡±


    ¡°Let me guess,¡± Shin piped in, his tail wagging. ¡°¡®Battle¡¯ refers to a place, not combat.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, you¡¯re clearly smarter than Great Garland.¡± Bex shook her head in bemusement. ¡°It wasn¡¯t until someone hit Pinnacle Master Archaeology that the ¡®Ruins of Ancient Battle¡¯ were discovered.¡± Bex waved her hand dismissively. ¡°Basically this long-lost technologically advanced civilization. Not my thing. Bad flavor fit for Magica. Super derivative. Way too many weird looking golems.¡±


    ¡°But the point being,¡± Shin mused, ¡°If Garland had figured out the secret in his Class, he¡¯d have been able to use its full potential.¡± The kobold tapped at his chin, considering that.


    Oh wait shit did HIS Class have any secrets in it?! ¡°Status!¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Shin


    Race: Kobold (Monster)


    Class: ¡°Tactician¡± (Lvl 20)


    Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.


    Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.


    Shin is apparently a special Schemer now. Oooo~! Does he want a special little hat? Does he do a special little dance? Shin is still a Schemer, through and through, no matter what anyone else claims. Trash is trash, and a dog in fine clothing is still a damn dog.


    Having pulled up his Big Boy Pants and strutted around for everyone to see how big and smart he is, Shin has finally waggled his flea-bitten ass in the face of one foe too many. Surely now he will receive the merciless spanking he so clearly deserves, right? Right?!


    NEW! [[You fucking guys, for real, this is exactly why I said I should be able to issue formal complaints. But noooo, they said, semi-sentient manifestations of the System can¡¯t have access to the email server! Semi-sentient manifestations of the System can¡¯t have employee codes! Semi-sentient manifestations of the System can¡¯t get Health Insurance! This fucking punk Shin is probably going to fuck a bunch of shit up but no one will come down into my squalor long enough for me to fucking warn them. Fuck you I¡¯m getting drunk]]


    Stats:


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Str: 10</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Agi: 16</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Tgh: 20</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Int: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Wis: 22</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Prs: 50</li>


    </ul>


    Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Ranged Specialization (Recurve Bow) Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency *hic!*If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Class Features: Advanced Leadership *gulp* (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold, Crafty), A Certain Low Cunning, Advanced Opportunism, Combat Savant, Ruse de Guerre, Perfidy


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Advanced Leadership: Whether *gulp* through experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it¡¯s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.


    *gulp hic!* As your experience as a leader has grown, so too has your ability to inspire those who live and die under your banner. One Leadership Aura at a time may be boosted to an Advanced Aura, granting increased boons and/or additional effects


    <ul>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer¡¯s Intelligence or Presence modifier</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Careful: If up to one *hic!* source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead</li>


    <li style="font-weight: 400">Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.</li>


    </ul>


    NEW! [[fuckin leader yeah right what does he lead himself to the toilet maybe hahahaha]]


    A Certain Low Cunning: You were born among the trash, not the tactics room, and no one would ever mistake you for some grand strategist. But when everything is on the line, and the only strategy *hic!* that matters is ¡°Survive¡±, trash will often stand tall while tactics fall flat.


    Your Intelligence Modifier is increased by your Presence or Wisdom Modifier, whichever is higher. In addition, whenever you would gain Advantage you may choose to grant an opponent Disadvantage instead.


    Advanced Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they¡¯re down. You say that a winner never lets a *hic!* foe get back up again. You¡¯ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you¡¯re all too happy to oblige.


    Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you *hic!* gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target¡¯s level, Mental Stats and mental state.


    NEW! [[lay off my shit craig you¡¯re the sheet fo a fukkin druid you dont even know what my life is jus go back and tell that fugk guy how to turn into a moose ango fuck other mooses becse you both fuck mooses jus go back to yor fukn room]]


    At Level 20, the suite of Opportunism effects is expanded to include Advanced Tricks. Activating an Advanced Trick requires the Schemer to have Advantage and the opponent (or opponents) to have Disadvantage, and unless otherwise stated will consume both statuses. Advanced Tricks *hic!* may only be activated outside of combat, and activating a second Advanced Trick automatically ends the effects of any that are already in effect.


    Combat Savant: The greatest minds of the battlefield spend years crafting their martial art in the High Academies and monastic orders of the world, honing the ability to use their keen intellect itself *hic!* as a weapon. You,


    NEW! [[shuda just been a vendr screen like dad wnder if hed be proud sob]]


    on the other hand, were the top of your class at the School of Hard Knocks, learning suspiciously similar lessons with every filthy fight for your flea-bitten life.


    You may use your Intelligence Modifier *hic!* in place of your Agility Modifier during combat


    Ruse de Guerre: The history books are filled with the victories of peerless generals, outlining their crimson-cut paths *hic!* through legend, and the taverns are filled with songs of the brave and heroic deeds that created those victories. But the Schemer understands that victories are not always about brave and heroic deeds. And while it seems unlikely that any taverns will be filled with any songs about your conniving, backstabbing, and thoroughly underhanded tactics, the history books will mark them as victories all the same. *hic!*


    NEW! [[why ys mss wine bottle yshould nvite yr frind mr whsky im go both ways im a 9ties guy]]


    By activating this ability, you may invert a single Leadership Aura from an ally-affecting buff to an *hic!* enemy-affecting debuff. While using Ruse de Guerre, you may not gain the benefits of Advantage.


    Perfidy: It is sometimes said that when one chooses the field of battle, one has already won that battle. But a true Schemer doesn¡¯t go to war unless they have chosen not only the field of battle, but also its date *hic!* and preferably the knowledge that it¡¯s going to happen at all.


    *hic!* When turning hostile against a neutral or friendly foe, or in direct violation of a ceasefire with an otherwise hostile opponent, Ruse de Guerre is automatically activated without its usual costs.*hic!*


    NEW! [[srsly yur the wrst shin fukin go an fuk ughwo oh fuck oh jesus its comin up bleg blarg bleg blech sob sob sob]]


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Um, yeah. Just an apparently sapient Character Sheet that hated him and was drinking itself into oblivion. And had a roommate? And had, if he wasn¡¯t very much mistaken, vomited all over his Status Screen.


    If there was some sort of riddle in all that, Shin wasn¡¯t interested in solving it.


    The Schemer waved away his inebriated prompt, eager to hear about some Class details that came with slightly less emotional baggage. ¡°So Exemplar has some sort of mystery built into it?¡±


    Bex huffed again. ¡°Calling it a ¡®mystery¡¯ is generous. My Status Screen is just stuffed to the lungs with redactions. It¡¯s, like, half blanked out text!¡±


    ¡°Really? No clever wordplay or riddles or anything?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± Bex hung her head in a mock show of overblown sadness. ¡°Zero wordplay.¡±


    Shit. Shin could really go for some wordplay. ¡°So does your Class just not work unless you figure it out, then? Like that other guy?¡±


    ¡°Oh nah, it¡¯s not that bad!¡± Bex puffed out her chest in pride. ¡°I¡¯m still a Unique Class! Even without any of my extra abilities, I¡¯m still effectively a Epic Plus Plus Paladin. Like, knocking on the roof of Legendary Paladin. That¡¯s still super rare. Like, Top One Hundred rare. And even without any riddles, I think I might actually have two leads.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shin¡¯s tail began to wriggle again. ¡°What are they?¡±


    ¡°Well, first off!¡± Bex extended out her hand with a flourish, a cascade of pearlescent stars extending out in a banner. ¡°I can cast Level Zero spells. All of them. Divine, sure, but also Arcane, Nature, Mystic, Ki¡­if you name it, and it¡¯s essentially a worthless effect?¡± The honorary kobold cocked a finger gun. ¡°I¡¯m your girl.¡±


    ¡°I mean, I think that sounds pretty incredible?¡± Shin enthused, his tail picking up speed. ¡°Isn¡¯t that something only specific Bards and Sages can do? And even then they still have to pick and choose, right? I am absolutely certain we could find a way to break having access to the full suite of Crap Spells.¡±


    Bex tried to play aloof, but her own tail waggles and twitching ears betrayed her own growing excitement. ¡°Maybe, I guess! But it doesn¡¯t stop there.¡± She made a show of brushing the non-existent dust off of her shirt. ¡°I have Spell Slots all the way up to Level Ten.¡±


    Shin let that particular tidbit wash over him. ¡°...Remind me, what¡¯s the highest Level of spell?¡±


    ¡°Um, it¡¯s Ten.¡± Bex giggled, no longer bothering to hide her excitement. ¡°That¡¯s crazy, right? I mean sure, it¡¯s just one Slot a day, but on a full featured combat class? That¡¯s unheard of!¡±


    ¡°But you don¡¯t actually know any Level Ten spells, right?¡± Shin tapped his fingers together in distraction. ¡°Those have to be hard to find, right? I bet we could get you some lower ones though; Level Five or at least Four would be¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh! Oh, um, no,¡± Bex waved her hands, a bit of her excitement fading away. ¡°Sorry, I should have said. Vargas let me try with some Level Three scrolls, and I can¡¯t actually learn any spells. Not yet, at least; maybe that¡¯s the secret I¡¯m supposed to figure out.¡±


    ¡°Huh.¡± Shin scratched at his chin. ¡°So you¡¯ve got the Spell Slots of an Archmage, but the Spells of a Level One Mega Bard. Is that the jist?¡±


    Bex nodded, her glee somewhat mollified. ¡°Ayup.¡±


    The Schemer flashed a double thumbs up. ¡°That is still amazing and you¡¯re the coolest.¡±


    ¡°Haha, thanks!¡± The girl grinned at Shin, then paused. ¡°Oh, wait. I should tell you about my other clue. It¡¯s actually a lot weirder.¡±


    Shin¡¯s tail was just going nuts at this point. ¡°That is precisely what you should do, yes.¡±


    Bex glanced around, taking pains to make sure that no one else was around. Then she leaned in, a conspiratorial gleam in her eye as she whispered behind the mask of her hand. ¡°Tasan Okaa keeps calling me and hanging up.¡±


    ¡°What.¡±


    ¡°Right?¡± Bex shook herself, seeming a bit overwhelmed by the idea. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m basically a Super Paladin, so it¡¯s not weird that the Goddess who Blessed me would make contact now and then. But, like, every couple of hours? Without actually saying anything? I¡¯m actually kinda freaked out about it.¡± She frowned briefly, then glanced up at Shin with slightly folded ears. ¡°Do you think we should ask Momo¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes lets go ask Momo right now let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin fussed at his ear, certain that he must have misheard. ¡°Sorry, what was that?¡±


    ¡°I said,¡± Momo replied, her normally welcoming eyes fixed in a flat stare. ¡°That I¡¯m not entirely sure what is going on with the Goddess. Your guess is as good as mine.¡±


    Nope, Shin sure hadn¡¯t misheard. ¡°You¡¯re the High Priestess.¡±


    Momo offered the tiniest possible bow. ¡°Correct.¡±


    ¡°How is it possible that my guess is as good as yours, then?¡±


    The woman heaved out an uncharacteristically peeved breath, reaching out to flick an incense ash off of the shrine¡¯s offering table. ¡°My connection to the Goddess has been¡­strained the last few days.¡± The words came pouring out of Momo before Shin could respond. ¡°When the attack on the docks happened, though, I was able to commune with her again and so I thought everything was better, but now I don¡¯t know and it¡¯s just so frustrating and¨C!¡±


    Momo sucked in a lungful of air, faintly bobbing her head as she silently counted down from ten. The High Priestess then released her breath in a much more controlled exhale, taking a moment to adjust her robe before continuing on. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Bex. I¡¯m not sure what those Contacts might mean.¡±


    The honorary kobold put on her best smile, attempting and failing to hide how stupefied she was by the typically more serene woman¡¯s response. ¡°Oh, um, no! It¡¯s totally cool! I¡¯ll just, you know, wait to see if Tasan Okaa wants to call again, and if she does that¡¯s¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait though,¡± Shin cut in, a thought blooming, ¡°Couldn¡¯t we ask Her Avatar??¡±


    Momo pursed her lips. ¡°You want to ask Rippana Choujo.¡±


    Shin tilted his head as Bex tried her best to silently warn the Schemer, the latter clearly picking up on the Priestess¡¯s abrupt shift in attitude even if the former did not. ¡°Well yeah! Why not! That¡¯s the whole point of an Avatar, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Is it.¡± Momo fixed Shin with a hard stare for a long moment, then took hold of the hem of her robe and imperiously breezed towards the back of the shrine. ¡°Well if you think She¡¯ll talk to you,¡± the Priestess asserted in a clipped tone. ¡°Then by all means¡±


    ¡°What do you¨C¡±


    Momo released a mote of golden energy, the orb cascading in dulcet bell tones as it slowly etched a door frame into the back wall of the shrine. ¡°Go, then.¡± She reached out, the wall section sliding away at her touch to reveal a portal into endless White. ¡°Talk to Rippana Choujo.¡±


    Shin blinked, his ears unsure whether they should fold in concern or perk forward in excitement. Judging by Bex¡¯s completely unsubtle head shakes, her opinion on the matter was clear. It was probably correct, too; Momo was obviously upset, and exacerbating that could only bite Shin in the ass, in the long run.


    But, you know, come on. Mysterious Goddess. Secret door. Portal into Endless White.


    ¡°Okay. Um, be right back?¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    For a brief moment, Shin thought he might have been an amorphous being of sentient light once again. Gosh, he¡¯d forgotten how much he missed that! But before he could gratefully sink into his freshly renewed life¡¯s work of being sparkling, the scent of plom blossoms reminded him of who he was.


    Oh. That¡¯s right. He wasn¡¯t an amorphous being of sentient light. Shin inhaled deeply with the nose he¡¯d just remembered he possessed, a familiar haze of fruit blossoms and salt air and the laughter of children and the mud from Moots¡¯s farm and waking up in a giant pile of kobolds suffusing his very being. It wasn¡¯t just a scent, it was all of his senses all at once and then some. And it was unmistakably Shinki Itten.


    It was also¡­wait, what was that?


    Shin¡¯s ear twitched. Was that music? Was that singing?


    ¡°¡­Last night I felt


    Real arms around me


    No hope, no harm


    Just another false alarm¡­¡±


    The kobold flinched as he realized that he was standing outside of an oddly normal looking door, and his foot was smooshed into one of the untouched bowls of rice and vegetables that had been set out in front of it. He grimaced, pulling himself free as he made a valiant attempt to call out over the music that was absolutely blaring from behind the door. ¡°Um, hello?!¡±


    Someone yelled back from inside, but even with his Enhanced Senses Shin couldn¡¯t make it out over the impossibly loud singing.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t hear that!¡± Shin shouted back, reaching out to knock on the door as well. ¡°Hello?!¡±


    The voice from inside was incensed now, but not even slightly more audible.


    ¡°I¡¯M SORRY?!¡± Shin all but screamed, his voice going hoarse as he banged even more urgently. ¡°I CAN¡¯T HEAR YOU OVER¨C¡±


    The door flew open. ¡°Omigod, MOM! I don¡¯t want to talk right now!¡± The skinny kobold girl huffed in Godly annoyance, brushing her choppy black bangs out of her eyes so she might better glare at her interloper. ¡°Why don¡¯t you just¨C?!¡± The girl balked, shock overthrowing irritation for mastery over her expression. ¡°Uncle Shin?!¡±


    He¡¯d only seen an outline of Her before, it was true. And she¡¯d been significantly better behaved. But there was no question about it: this was Rippana Ch¨C


    ¡­wait. Uncle Shin?


    Wait who was Mom?!

 74. Are You There, God? Its Me, You

    Shin had never considered himself to be particularly religious. Not really.


    How could he be, after all? The Head of All Religions in Magica straight up admitted to him that the vast majority of Divine Beings in his world were little more than piggy banks for Cleric spells. He¡¯d had a hand in the actual creation of his own Goddess. Like, a literal hand; he¡¯d reached out with his own personal hand and pressed the buttons that determined who the Goddess of his entire people was as a person.


    All that, however, didn¡¯t tell the whole story.


    He was willing to admit that he prayed, every now and again. Most days, probably. He¡¯d certainly prayed as he bid his friends taken in the attack on the docks goodbye. And his daily sweeping of the path leading to the Great Mother¡¯s shrine couldn¡¯t be explained entirely as a simple act of boredom. Shin didn¡¯t think about it too often, but he supposed that Tasan Okaa really did mean something to him. That, at his core, he really did believe that she was different from the other Gods of Magica.


    He just hadn¡¯t realized how different, apparently.


    The girl retreating frantically back behind her door, bending down to scoop up a massive pile of dirty clothes, was not exactly what Shin had been expecting. Her oversized ears waggled frantically as she scoured the messy bedroom for someplace to hide her laundry, ineffectively attempting to blow her floppy bangs out from her eyes and dropping socks everywhere. After a solid minute of panicked shuffling, she opted to simply shove open the window at the back of her room and hurl the evidence of her shame out into the empty void that lay beyond. Then she spun back around, her pale cheeks blazing red and her darkly outlined eyes unable to meet Shin¡¯s gaze as she did her Divine best to play it cool. ¡°Oh, um, h-hey Uncle Shin. What¡¯s up? What''s, um¡­been up?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Shin stared back at the increasingly crimson-faced Goddess, unsure if he should reassure her or pretend nothing had happened or just drop to his knees in apologetic prayer. ¡°Not, uh, much? You?¡±


    The girl shrugged haltingly, lifting her chin in a show of confidence. ¡°Oh, um, I¡¯m fine! I¡¯ve just been, um, you know, doing¡­Goddess-y¡­stuff?¡± She blinked, her ears and tail decisively sinking, before hurling herself onto the big pile of plushy kobold dolls that apparently served as her bed. ¡°Omigod I¡¯m such a dork!¡±


    Okay, right. Reassuring it was, then. ¡°Hey, no, you¡¯re not¨C?!¡± The Schemer shuddered as the music wrenched itself back to full volume, blasting the higher brain functions clean out of Shin¡¯s skull as the girl-Goddess buried herself inside her stuffed toy bed.


    Woof. The cause of Momo¡¯s mood was quite a bit clearer, now.


    Still, Shin had to make an attempt to communicate with this girl. One, she was apparently at least partially his Goddess, and so he probably had a duty to support her. And two, he absolutely had to know why he was ¡®Uncle Shin¡¯. ¡°Hey, are you alright?¡±


    Only the girl¡¯s sulking gray eyes were visible deep within the kobold doll nest. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I SAID¨C¡± Shin yelled, ¡°ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!¡±


    She poked her head out a little further, shouting back over the impossible intensity of the incredibly morose singing. ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    ¡°I SAID I LIKE THIS MUSIC, WHAT IS THIS?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    Shin silently groaned in relief as the music lowered to a more reasonable level, the girl vanishing back into her bed-pile. At length, she reluctantly emerged, tightly clutching one of the kobold dolls as she leveled a wary eye at Shin. ¡°Do you, um, mean it? About the music. Do you really like it?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah absolutely,¡± Shin insisted, too dazed to be concerned with the ethical implications of out and out lying to a Goddess. ¡°It¡¯s absolutely unlike anything I¡¯ve ever heard, that¡¯s for sure.¡±


    ¡°Hmph.¡± The girl sank back an inch into the pile, suddenly suspicious. ¡°What do you like about it, then?¡±


    Oh Goddess. ¡°Um, so many things?¡± The Avatar burrowed in a little deeper, looking doubtful; change your approach. ¡°I think it¡¯s mostly that I can. er. really tell how powerful the singer''s feelings are? He¡¯s just got so many emotions, right?¡±


    Somehow, that managed to be the correct answer. ¡°Omigod right?!¡± the girl gushed, kobold dolls tumbling as she leaned forward in excitement. ¡°It¡¯s like, so melancholic, but it¡¯s still got this really wicked sort of black humor too, right?¡±


    ¡°Definitely; I think so, too.¡± Shin summoned up a laconic sigh. ¡°Sometimes there¡¯s nothing to do but laugh, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s so right, yes.¡± The girl bounced up, still a bit embarrassed but now eager to talk. ¡°Um, do you want to hear another one? I could play another one.¡±


    There were certain inviolate rules of existence, and one of them was this: When a Deity asks if they can play you a song, the only possible answer is ¡®Yes.¡¯ ¡°Go for it.¡±


    ¡°Awesome, just one sec~!¡± The girl threw up a prompt, her fingers tapping through options at superhuman speed as she eagerly introduced the next song. ¡°I actually like this one way better; those other guys had some classics but the singer is apparently, like, a major asshole now, and hey you should hold onto something


    RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


    ¨Cthe girl flapped away the impossible barrage of System Errors, rolling her eyes as they stuttered and snuffed themselves out of existence. ¡°Sorry Uncle Shin,¡± she sheepishly offered, ¡°You good?¡±


    Shin wasn¡¯t entirely sure. He lifted his hands to his face, confirming that his eyeballs hadn¡¯t exploded inside his skull. Okay, well, then he was at least good enough. Good enough for questions, at least. ¡°What the hell was that?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The girl trilled her lips in dismissal. ¡°That was just the dumb System getting all pissy because I¡¯m pulling up some Other World stuff for you. It¡¯s like, it¡¯s just one song, right?! So lame.¡±


    She¡¯s pulling up some¡­wait. ¡°Are you saying you have access to the Other World?¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± The girl briefly looked up from her prompt. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°The Players¡¯ World? That Other World?!¡±


    ¡°Uh, yeah?¡± She scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s really not a big deal. The System¡¯ll get mad sometimes but it¡¯s like, ¡®Hello?! I control the very stuff of your existence over here, guy!¡¯¡± The girl tsked. ¡°The System¡¯s not my mom. The System can¡¯t ground me.¡±


    Okay, Shin was absolutely not going to miss this opening. ¡°About that...you said Momo is your mom? Isn¡¯t your mother Tasan Okaa?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± The girl snorted. ¡°Uh, no? I¡¯m Tasan Okaa?¡± No sooner had she declared that then she bobbled her head back and forth, reconsidering. ¡°Well, I mean, I¡¯m sorta Her. I¡¯m a totally independent being, completely separate from Her, but at the same time we¡¯re also totally a single Godhead. It¡¯s, like, this complicated divinity thing; it¡¯s for real not a big deal.¡±


    Well, Shin supposed he¡­no, he wasn¡¯t fooling himself or anyone else. Shin absolutely did not get it. But grasping the underpinnings of complex religious dogma could wait. ¡°So why is Momo your mom?¡±


    ¡°Uh, because she made me?¡± The girl leveled a head tilt towards the Schemer. ¡°Like why you¡¯re Uncle Shin? I mean, I guess I could have decided you were my Dad and she was my Aunt, but you feel way more like an Uncle.¡±


    ¡°Is that right? I don¡¯t have that Dad aura?¡±


    She shook her head decisively. ¡°Nope. If it was going to be anyone, Auntie Gero would have been Dad. Oh here it is~!¡±


    The girl made a final selection on her prompt and then expanded the window, a thrumming note pulsating deeply through the room as the song began. It was all simply too surreal. It wasn¡¯t so long ago that Shin was a mongrel and his ambitions hadn¡¯t yet run higher than idly hoping he¡¯d have as amazing a death as his brother, who got his head crushed by a super cool falling rock. Now, he was standing in the room of a real-deal Goddess, listening to an incredibly sad song from the fucking Players¡¯ World.


    No one could ever say that Shin¡¯s life hadn¡¯t taken some fascinating turns, that was for certain.The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Wait, was the girl pointedly scooting over on her bed-pile? Did she want Shin to join her? That was¡­honestly pretty adorable. Shin was still baffled by the revelation that he had a Divine niece, but discovering that she was apparently a softie underneath her brash exterior was an absolute treat.


    ¡°Can I sit there?¡± he asked, pointing towards the other side of the pile of plush kobolds.


    ¡°Um, sure,¡± the girl mumbled, doing her best and failing to appear nonchalant. ¡°You know. Whatever.¡±


    Shin carefully settled down, picking up one of the dolls to make a little cozy for himself. Wow, these were really well made; this one actually looked like it was¡­wait. ¡°This is Hanbun, right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± the sort of Goddess confirmed, clutching the doll that was now so clearly Shita a bit tighter. ¡°I¡¯ve got the whole village, actually.¡±


    ¡°...is there a Moots down there somewhere?¡±


    Shortly after Shin was sprawled out on the ersatz huge pile of kobolds, eyes shut and the cheery Plushie Moots squished against his chest as he allowed the increasingly compelling music to wash over him. He had no idea who this rich voiced man baring his soul through song was, what mistakes he had made, or why he felt he had to take the blame. The kobold only hoped that this sad spooky prophet would learn that a loaded gun would not set him free, before it was too late.


    The girl had allowed her faux standoffish facade to fade away as the music pulsed to an end, her grin splitting her face as Shin let out an emotional breath. ¡°It¡¯s great, right?¡± she demanded. ¡°Isn¡¯t it great?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Shin found himself replying, deeply surprised to find that it wasn¡¯t even a lie. ¡°I really liked that.¡±


    The girl¡¯s grin somehow managed to spread even further. ¡°Should we listen to it again?!¡±


    ¡°Actually,¡± Shin began, cracking open an eye. ¡°Maybe you could play me something else from the Other World? Another song? Or anything, really?¡±


    The girl shook her head. ¡°No, I shouldn¡¯t. If I share any more than this, the System will probably explode you.¡±


    Oh. Well. That didn''t sound optimal. ¡°Rain check on that, then.¡± He sat back up, wobbling briefly as the kobold pile shifted underneath him. ¡°So hey, what should I call you? Rippana Choujo is sort of a mouthful, right?¡±


    ¡°Um, Cho?¡± the girl bashfully offered. ¡°I sorta thought people might call me ¡®Cho¡¯.¡± Her expression soured. ¡°If I ever got to talk to anyone besides Mom. Well, and that one guy.¡±


    Shin¡¯s ear perked up. ¡°¡®That one guy¡¯? Who¡¯s he?¡±


    Cho tsked again. ¡°He just shows up sometimes to tell me about what¡¯s going on with God stuff or whatever. Honestly I think he sorta sucks but if you wanted to meet him¡­¡± When Shin didn¡¯t immediately answer, Cho started to sing. ¡°When you need to place your fealty, But you¨C¡±


    ¡°No stop blah!¡± Shin waved his arms frantically, Plushy Moots¡¯s stuffed beard waving about as the kobold did everything in his power to prevent Cho from summoning Divine Bolty. ¡°It¡¯s fine, I¡¯m totally good. We do not need to invite that guy.¡±


    ¡°Right, okay,¡± Cho shrugged. ¡°Like I said, he sucks.¡± She hunched over, a defensive note entering her tone. ¡°Though I guess it¡¯s kinda okay to have someone to talk to, sometimes. I guess.¡±


    ¡°I get that,¡± Shin offered. ¡°Is that why you¡¯re fighting with your mom? You want to talk to more people?¡±


    That opened the floodgates. ¡°Ugh, she won¡¯t let me!¡± Cho dumped Shita back into the pile, snatching up another plush and crushing it into her chest. ¡°I¡¯m an adult and a Goddess, and I can absolutely take care of myself! But noooo,¡± ¨Cshe waggled her fingers in mock spookiness¨C ¡°Things are scaaary right now! It¡¯s too dangerous for me to have adventures! To talk to new people! To finally meet up with¨C¡±


    Cho swallowed that final thought, her cheeks flaring in a fresh inferno. She shot Shin a suspicious dose of side-eye, squeezing her doll a little tighter when she decided that he had not sussed out her secrets. ¡°...anyway, yeah. I wanna go out and see stuff. And people. Not specific people. General people, who are very much not specific.¡±


    If Shin couldn¡¯t untangle this particular mystery, he needed to turn in his Schemer license as quickly as possible. Especially given the glaring clue she was clutching to her chest. ¡°Is that a Bex doll?¡±


    The color drained out of Cho¡¯s face in an instant. ¡°No!¡± She darted her eyes down, her blush erupting once more with all the power of a volcano when she confirmed that there was no chance the kobold doll with the freckles and chestnut-colored bob could be anybody else. ¡°I mean, yes, but¨C!¡± The girl shook herself, making a last ditch effort at appearing aloof. ¡°I mean, I guess? I don¡¯t really, um¨C¡±


    ¡°If you¡¯re going to lie,¡± Shin noted, ¡°You need to cultivate better control of your non-verbals. Your tail and ears are snitching on you so hard right now.¡±


    Cho blinked, and then her tail vanished and her ears sharped into broad wedges, cute little tusks popping out from her mouth as she transformed from Kobold Cho to Hobgoblin Cho. ¡°How about now?¡±


    ¡°Too late.¡±


    ¡°Aw, friggin¡¯...beans!¡± Cho pouted for a moment, her features shifting back to that of a kobold as she mulled over what response would save the most face. Then she clacked her teeth and glared at Shin. Anger it was, then. ¡°I mean, so what? She¡¯s part of this village, too!¡±


    Shin tilted his head, unphased by the Goddess¡¯s mask of outrage. ¡°Is that why you¡¯ve been Contacting her and then breaking off the connection?¡±


    ¡°...she knows that happened?¡± Shin nodded, and Cho released a primal groan of unbearable embarrassment, flipping around to bury her face into her bed pile ¡°Omigod I am such a dork this is the woooorst¡­¡±


    Oh wait, shit, was Shin terrible at talking to young people with very intense feelings? The evidence suggested he might be terrible at talking to young people with incredibly intense feelings. He needed to handle this quick. ¡°Hey, Cho, c¡¯mon, it¡¯s not like that! It¡¯s not like Bex is mad or anything!¡±


    Cho¡¯s sniffle echoed out from her nest of dolls. ¡°She¡¯s not?¡±


    ¡°No! Definitely not. She really wants to talk to you, is all!¡±


    ¡°She does?¡± The Goddess coughed, forcing back her brief outpouring of unvarnished joy as she adopted a self-conscious scowl and slowly sat back up. ¡°I mean, I guess that sounds okay.¡±


    Shin couldn¡¯t help a little smile as he watched the girl surreptitiously wipe her nose with her Hilde plush. This was Shinki Itten¡¯s Goddess, huh? Shin didn¡¯t hate it. And while he still wasn¡¯t sure whether or not he was especially religious, the idea of being an Uncle had grown on him. ¡°What do you like about her?¡±


    Cho chewed at her thoughts for a moment, eventually managing a little sigh. ¡°I don¡¯t really remember all of it, but before I formed out of Tasan Okaa? I really liked the way she prayed.¡± Cho sighed again, a wistful shimmer in her eyes. ¡°She¡¯d just, like, talk to me? About her day, and her dreams, and her fears...I dunno. It was different from how the rest of you prayed. It was really¡­¡±


    When the girl trailed off, Shin took a stab at finishing her thought. ¡°Intimate?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s it!¡± Cho nodded, her smile spreading. ¡°It was really intimate. It was nice.¡±


    ¡°What about now that you¡¯re your own person, though?¡±


    Cho let out a small whine, her ears flush against her hair and her tail twacking nervously against the bed pile. ¡°I, I just, she¡¯s so awesome, I can¡¯t stand it!¡± She flopped backwards, lifting the Bex plush into the air as she gazed dreamily into her stuffed face. ¡°She beats up assholes and she¡¯s such a loyal friend and she¡¯s really really funny and, and she¡¯s super cute¡­¡±


    The Goddess gulped, staring up at the doll for another moment. Then she let it drop behind her, letting loose another sigh. ¡°I like a lot about her, I guess. I dunno.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Shin lay back as well, staring up at the ceiling. ¡°Well, Cho, for what it¡¯s worth? I bet she¡¯d like a lot about you, too.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, Uncle Shin.¡± The girl propped herself up on an elbow, adopting a serious expression. ¡°Hey, you should be careful by the way. I think the way you¡¯re helping protect everyone is really great, but you need to watch out.¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears began to fold. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I mean more weird stuff is happening. It¡¯s all kinda hazy, but I think something¡¯s being smuggled into the village?¡± Cho frowned. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯d be more specific if I knew more. But I¡¯m pretty sure that something really upsetting is going to happen to you soon, and when it does you can¡¯t just get mad. You¡¯ve gotta figure out how it happened, or everyone will be in trouble.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s it?¡± Shin forced himself up, hoping for just a few more details. ¡°You don¡¯t know anything else?¡±


    Cho shook her head. ¡°Sorry. And I think you¡¯ve got to go, now.¡±


    She had a point, judging by the way he was beginning to fade away. ¡°I guess so¡­¡± Still, warnings from Goddesses aren''t to be treated lightly, no matter how non-standard said Goddess might be. Best to commit the girl''s words to memory. ¡°Do you feel any better, Cho?¡±


    The girl smiled. ¡°Um, yes. Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Good. Then apologize to your mother.¡±


    Cho immediately blew a raspberry at Shin. ¡°Ugh okay, gawd. I was totally gonna, you know.¡±


    ¡°I know. You¡¯re a good kid.¡± The two kobolds shared a smile as Shin dissolved away from the divine realm, both Goddess and petitioner and uncle and niece all at once. It was nice, Shin thought to himself. He was feeling a lot¨C


    Oh shit he forgot about one last question ¡°Hey wait why isn¡¯t there a M¨C¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡® ¨Ctell me you actually did it?¡± Momo asked, incredulity etched across her face. ¡°She actually talked to you?¡±


    Shin gave himself a moment to remember how existing worked before responding. ¡°Um, yeah. We actually had a nice talk.¡±


    ¡°Ugh,¡± Momo huffed. ¡°Did she at least eat any of the food I left out for her?¡±


    ¡°Oh. No. But that might be because I accidentally stepped in it.¡±


    Momo threw up her hands in defeat. ¡°Well fine, okay then. I guess I¡¯d better prepare some more; she doesn¡¯t have to talk to me but she does have to eat something.¡±


    Huh. He hadn¡¯t really thought about it earlier, but now that he was looking at Momo? The resemblance between her and Cho was impossible to miss. ¡°Well, I think she¡¯s pretty great. You did a really good job with her, Momo.¡±


    The Priestess¡¯s put upon expression cracked, a ray of undeniably gratification beaming through as she folded her arms into her sleeves. ¡°Well. I¡¯m trying.¡±


    Bex raised her hand. ¡°Um, are we still talking about the Goddess here, or¡­?¡±


    Oh right, Bex! Time for Shin to be an impossible busybody. ¡°Hey Bex, what sort of music do you like?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± The girl titled her head. ¡°All kinds, I guess?¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± Shin pressed forward, choosing to ignore that every candle and torch inside the shrine had dimmed in a clear warning. ¡°What about sad music? Are you into that?¡±


    ¡°You mean, like, goth stuff?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea. Yes.¡±


    The girl laughed, reaching back to rub the back of her head. ¡°Sure, I suppose so?¡± If it got me a hot goth girlfriend I¡¯d absolutely be into it.¡± She flushed, embarrassed to have been so candid. ¡°God, that takes me back. I remember these was this one girl back in high school, she had these bangs and that style and¨C¡±


    As the honorary kobold chatted on, the lights in the shrine flared back from their ominous low to an exultant radiance. Don¡¯t worry, Cho. Uncle Shin¡¯s got your back.

 75. To Scheme, Perchance to Dream

    ¡°What do you mean, ¡®taking a hiatus¡¯?¡±


    Yasmar glanced up from their storage manifest. ¡°It means there¡¯s going to be a pause in¨C¡±


    ¡°No no; I know what the words mean,¡± Shin interrupted, the kobold¡¯s frayed nerves plainly peeking through his typically collected facade, ¡°But why are you taking one? Is it because of the Red Players? Because we¡¯re working with Anyport to secure our shipping lanes and¨C¡±


    The chef waved away Shin¡¯s pleas, most of their attention already back to checking off items on their manifest. ¡°It¡¯s not that. Not that that¡¯s good, mind you, but it¡¯s not that. It¡¯s, hey! Hey!¡± The blueberry-toned Player snapped their clipboard sharply into their palm, singling out one of the stevedores loading crates onto the ship. ¡°Be careful with that! Do you have any idea what that is?!¡±


    ¡°Uh.¡± The floppy eared kobold dockhand shifted the massive jar he was carrying more securely against his chest. ¡°No?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s prismatic saffron you nearly dropped,¡± Yasmar intoned, their every syllable a coldly clipped denouncement. ¡°That can only be harvested, by hand, during the secret phase of a max-level Raid. It¡¯s one of the rarest ingredients in Magica. It is disgustingly expensive.¡±


    The kobold squinted down at the glowing spice that stuffed the jar to near overflowing, each thread faintly humming as they gently shifted hues from golden yellow to volcanic orange to primal red and back again, and was unable to resist an exploratory sniff. ¡°...It smells like hay.¡±


    ¡°Gourmet hay. So please. Gentle hands, yes?¡± The dockhand offered a contrite flattening of his ears before returning to his task, and Yasmar ticked that entry off on his manifest. ¡°...What were we talking about, Shin?¡±


    ¡°Why you¡¯re leaving,¡± the Schemer deadpanned. ¡°We were discussing why you¡¯re leaving.¡±


    ¡°Right. Blah.¡± Yasmar huffed, their elegant eyebrows furrowed. ¡°I¡¯ve been getting review-bombed.¡±


    Shin tilted his head. ¡°Eh? Bombed? What¡¯s that?¡±


    Yasmar let out a tsk as they folded the manifest, slipping it into the apron pocket of their smartly fitted double-breasted jacket. ¡°The Chef¡¯s Guild is being flooded with absurd complaints about my restaurants.¡± They ran a hand through their rose-gold hair, annoyance radiating from their sharp features. ¡°I¡¯ve dropped three rankings already; I¡¯ve lost access to all of my highest level perks and contacts.¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears shot up. ¡°It¡¯s gotta be these same Red Players, right? They¡¯re just lashing out at you because you¡¯re with us! I bet all of those complaints are completely fake!¡±


    The chef shrugged. ¡°Oh, almost certainly. I doubt anyone actually believes I¡¯ve been¡­¡± They pulled open a window with a flick of a finger, flatly reading from the message it contained. ¡°¡®Offering table service for premium prices, and then just pooping on the table while throwing handfuls of cilantro in the air¡¯. It doesn¡¯t matter though; the whole process is automated. At a certain volume of complaints, penalties automatically kick in.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s so unfair,¡± Shin grumbled, his tail lashing peevishly. ¡°But won¡¯t it all get cleared up once they actually look through the complaints?¡±


    ¡°Sure, but until then I¡¯m fucked. The appeals process will take weeks, and in this business that¡¯s a death sentence. Even at my level.¡± Yasmar shook their head, fully resolved. ¡°No, my only option is to go run Stygian Kitchen again. It¡¯s going to take a few days to prep a menu with my team, but a full Raid clear will automatically lock me back in at Mithril Rank long enough for the Guild to sort through this nonsense.¡±


    Shin had never been so unhappy to hear a clean, straightforward solution to a problem. A steady trickle of Players had been streaming into Shinki Itten over the last several days, and for the most part they could be separated into two groups: Players drawn by the allure of a new Yasmar restaurant, and Players hellbent on causing as much mischief and mayhem as they could manage. And now, thanks to Yasmar¡¯s clean and straightforward solution, the former group was just as likely as the latter to try and burn Shin¡¯s home down.


    Not that any of that was Yasmar¡¯s fault. They too were just another victim of Players with a warped sense of what constituted a good time. Tail tucking wouldn¡¯t solve anything, so there was no reason not to face this setback with ears straight and eyes forward. ¡°Well, I hope it all goes smoothly.¡± He offered the Player his hand. ¡°And as soon as you open your Shinki Itten restaurant, I¡¯ll be sure to leave a good review.¡±


    ¡°I appreciate that, Shin,¡± Yasmar clasped the kobold¡¯s paw in a firm shake, ¡°I really do. I know I¡¯m leaving you in a lurch, but it is what it is I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    ¡°Right. Well if there¡¯s anything we can do to help¡­?¡±


    Yasmar pounced upon the offhand offer like a jungle cat leaping down from the trees. ¡°Can I bring along your Grandmasters to sous for me?¡±


    No. Absolutely not. Shin needed those two hard at work here, in Shinki Itten, to beat back the tide of irate gourmands. ¡°Well, that¡¯s not really for me to say,¡± he carefully started. ¡°It¡¯s their decision if¨C¡±


    ¡°Okay great because they already said yes.¡± It took every ounce of Shin¡¯s considerable focus to keep a neutral expression plastered across his face as the Hobgoblin and Kobold Cooking Grandmasters bustled cheerfully past him and up onto Yasmar¡¯s ship. ¡°I want to do Shinki Itten Fusion for the omakase fight. It¡¯ll be so spicy that the boss won¡¯t be physically able to run out on the bill.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Shin!¡± the hobgoblin called over her shoulder. ¡°Our apprentices can hold down the fort for a few days!¡±


    ¡°Probably!¡± the kobold interjected. ¡°Maybe check in a couple times a day to make sure they haven¡¯t burned everything down, yes?¡±


    The best Shin could manage in response was a hiss through his clenched teeth. ¡°Yes. I will do that. That is super and great.¡±


    What was left to say? Shin stood quietly on the dock and watched as Yasmar and two of Shinki Itten¡¯s most valuable citizens finished loading the Player¡¯s ship, helplessly returning Yasmar¡¯s boisterous wave as the Octopoix pulled out into Shinki Itten Bay. ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to sink any Red Player ships we come across! ¡®Till next time!¡±


    Crap crap crap. Crap.


    The last few weeks had not been the best for Shinki Itten. And they had certainly not been the best for Shin.


    The deluge of low-stakes trolling had mostly been stemmed by the combined efforts of the Shinki Itten Council and their few trusted Player allies, but the scourge that was dyed in the wool Red Players had only increased. Bloody skirmishes were a frequent spectacle directly outside of the city¡¯s zone of Sanctuary, Banken and Wild Children locked in a seemingly endless fight against the gleeful invaders with the reproachful crimson orbs burning above their heads. It was difficult to maintain Shink Itten''s pleasant aura with constant violence squarely in the front lawn.


    And the city itself didn¡¯t fare much better, in spite of the protections being a Sanctuary offered. It was becoming all too common to hear tell of a Player committing some heinous act deep within the supposed safety of Shinki Itten, earning red eyes of their own through increasingly inventive acts of Sanctuary-dodging destruction. It was all Glandem¡¯s doing. Shin knew it. Glandem had to be the organizing hand hidden within all of this chaos.


    He just didn¡¯t know how.


    That was what frustrated him the most, honestly: knowing what was going on, but still being unable to spot it. Shin was beginning to suspect his paranoia was blinding him to some less subtle solution, that he was so focused on peering into every crack and corner that he was missing some plain, open truth. Unfortunately, that only compelled Shin to scratch at the cracks and corners with a more feverish fervor.


    Maybe if Glandem hadn¡¯t been so theatrical with his declaration of hostilities. Maybe if a literal goddess hadn¡¯t warned Shin to be extra on alert. Maybe if Shin¡¯s vanity didn¡¯t insist that the source of his woes must necessarily be the dark workings of a fiendishly brilliant mind, rather than the simple cruelty of bored sociopaths. Either way, Shin knew that the day he started crafting a sprawling clue web of red string and insane ravings was drawing ever closer, and that was not going to be a good look for him.


    Goddess, it would help so much if he could just¨C


    ¡°Are you feeling alright, Shin? You look like you need some sleep.¡±


    Shin silently counted down from five before responding. ¡°Thanks for advice, Mimi.¡±Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    The little scribe knitted his brow, reaching out to lightly pat the other kobold on the shoulder. ¡°I mean it! After all: if you don¡¯t have your health, what do you have?¡±


    Shin lightly clacked his teeth, the smaller man either missing or politely ignoring the rather rude display of annoyance. ¡°An undestroyed city, hopefully.¡±


    ¡°Well if Shinki Itten can¡¯t survive you getting one full night of sleep, I suspect the city was doomed from the beginning.¡±


    ¡°Do you, now?¡± Shin¡¯s lip faintly curled. ¡°I should have known you thought that from the start.¡± When Mimasu wilted under the other kobold¡¯s scorn, however, Shin forced himself to regretfully fold his ears. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mimi; that was¡­sorry. I¡¯m being unkind.¡±


    The scribe took the apology gracefully, his tail wobbling in a small wag. ¡°You can make it up to me by trying to rest tonight. Okay?¡±


    Shin heaved a sigh. ¡°Okay.¡± It wasn¡¯t as if Mimasu was wrong, after all. Uninterrupted sleep had become vanishingly rare for the Schemer, and it was clearly starting to fog his brain. Just one good, restful night, and maybe he¡¯d be able to greet the morning with the clear eyes necessary to finally spot the problems that had thus far eluded him.


    It was honestly sound advice. As long as it didn¡¯t happen again tonight.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin slept, but the System did not.


    ¡°I swear to fucking shit, dude,¡± the Sky Voice declared, the very air pulsing with excitement over whatever his pronouncement would be, ¡°Every set of instructions for assembling any desk chair ever created has at least one step where you¡¯re asked to break the laws of physics.¡±


    ¡°Oh sure, definitely,¡± the Empty Voice concurred, all of existence applauding the two otherworldly begins¡¯ concordance. ¡°Any halfway decent scientist knows that all it takes to make thermo-dynamics your bitch is an allen wrench.¡±


    Crap crap crap it was happening again tonight. Crap.


    The first time Shin had found himself wafting through the fabric of his dreams and into the hallowed strata of the ModChat, he¡¯d been mystified. The second time, he¡¯d exulted over the vault of clandestine knowledge that had been thrown open for his greedy mind to plunder. But the twelfth time? The fourteenth, the fifteenth? The thirtieth?


    The vault of clandestine knowledge had coughed up its most valuable gem of wisdom: these people are boring as shit and they just talk and talk and talk. About nothing.


    Not that Shin wasn¡¯t at least partially to blame. He was the one who¡¯d convinced the Sky Voice to take a hands-off approach to the conflict between Shinki Itten and Quercus, and for all of the Moderator¡¯s obvious faults he was apparently honoring that commitment. But whatever force or connection it was that summoned the sleeping Shin to the ModChat didn¡¯t seem to care that there was nothing to report. To the contrary; while once Shin could have expected a summons at most once a week, now he found himself playing unwilling voyeur to the Voices¡¯ banal chatter every single night.


    And so instead of resting, Shin sullenly listened to them talk night after night after night. They talked about which floor had the best bathrooms for taking a dump (the third floor). They talked about which order to watch some sort of series in (fourth, fifth, skip first entirely, second, third, and then sixth). They talked about which women in the office were bitches (all of them, and also every other woman they¡¯d ever met). And through it all, Shin wished beyond reasoning that he could just turn away from this blather and go anywhere else.


    Deep within the darkened void of the ModChat, Shin blinked. That was a thought.


    Could he go somewhere else?


    He hadn¡¯t really tried, to be fully honest, partially out of fear of drawing the attention of either of the two Voices. But also, he wasn¡¯t sure how to go anywhere without a body, or if there even was such a thing as ¡®somewhere¡¯ in these nebulous realms. But the Sky Voice had begun ranting about Danica from HR again, and that was all the encouragement Shin needed to try moving his disembodied body to some other somewhere within the nothingness.


    Okay, so¡­maybe like this? Shin carefully turned, forcibly visualizing his own body within the void in an attempt to give his movements real motion. That seemed to work¡­so then babysteps? The kobold took one immaterial step forward, then another, and was rewarded by the sound of Sky Voice¡¯s insistence that Danica was only a Six growing fainter behind him.


    Emboldened, Shin strode forward into the abyss with increasing confidence, and eventually the all-too familiar tones of the Sky Voice and the Empty Voice no longer soiled the wind. Shin was alone at last, a single speck in the endless space that existed beyond the waking world.


    Now what?


    Trying to will himself into a state of unconscious dreaming didn¡¯t seem to work, nor back awake. He didn¡¯t have to listen to the Voices anymore, but Shin suspected he still wasn¡¯t getting a particularly satisfying sleep. And there didn¡¯t appear to be much to explore in the spaces beyond the ModChat, just a seemingly endless zone of faintly echoing emptiness. Oh well. As Shin was increasingly aware, you can¡¯t win them all. Shin would take a dull night of restless waiting over¨C


    Oh. Hold on. Was that something?


    Shin squinted as best he could without eyes, a glimmer of something tucked within the shadows of the void. He waved his not-hands, brushing aside the shrouding darkness to reveal a sigil burned into the side of the abyss, a thing of real-world shape and substance awkwardly embedded into the sprawling nothingness.


    It was a symbol he¡¯d seen before: an empty circle, or perhaps a blank sphere, transposed over a larger ring of pitch black. Momo used to draw that symbol. It had been marked down in High Priestess Frieda¡¯s oldest, most important tome. And someone had stuck it here, so blatantly out of place and yet so completely hidden. Why? And for what reason?


    Shin didn¡¯t know the answer to this problem, either. But at least this mystery had an obvious solution that he wasn¡¯t going to overlook. Without a moment¡¯s hesitation, Shin reached out and placed his hand directly over the center circle.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Jay¡¯s chair squeaks backwards as you peer over the side of his cubicle, a faintly acrid halo of pumpkin-infused smoke wafting around his head. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡±


    ¡°We need to talk about the Landviathan.¡±


    The other man shrugs amiably. ¡°Okay. Do we not like the current concept? Because honestly I also don¡¯t think a great white shark with spider legs is the best we can do.¡±


    ¡°Probably not, but that¡¯s not the issue.¡± You drum your fingers along the wood laminate walls to Jay¡¯s workspace, your eyes probing his expression. ¡°Did you program it with an innate time limit?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Recognition and annoyance war for real estate across his face. ¡°Yeah dude, I don¡¯t know what that is! It keeps despawning after, like, two minutes. Full truth here, I¡¯ve got no idea why it¡¯s doing that.¡±


    ¡°I do. It¡¯s suffocating.¡±


    Jay blinks, a half-inhaled plume of mist escaping from his vape pen. ¡°Wha?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s suffocating.¡± You tap your fingers to the side of your neck. ¡°It still has gills. It needs lungs.¡±


    ¡°It needs¡­¡± Jay¡¯s face scrunches with confusion. ¡°Wait, for real? Jesus. No other game I¡¯ve ever worked on has ever needed this level of¨C¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, this isn¡¯t like any other game you¡¯ve ever worked on. And in case you hadn¡¯t noticed, this game engine isn¡¯t like anything else that¡¯s ever existed.¡±


    ¡°True enough.¡± Jay leans back in his chair, twiddling his pen between his fingers. ¡°So, what, I just need to tell the System to make a great white shark with spider legs that also has lungs?¡±


    You don¡¯t even try to hold back your sigh, and luckily the other man doesn¡¯t seem to take offense. He still doesn¡¯t grasp the breadth of this tool your team has been given. None of them do, really. ¡°That¡¯s not enough. It also needs skin that won¡¯t dry out in the open air, and a nervous system complex enough to manage all those limbs, and¨C¡±


    ¡°Okay okay, I get it. Blah. The System is impressive as hell, but just coding the damn monster the normal way almost seems like it¡¯d be faster.¡± Jay brightens, a thought flashing across his eyes. ¡°Maybe a giant squid with spider legs?¡±


    ¡°Those also have gills. And would still need all of that other stuff.¡±


    ¡°Oh right bluh.¡± He snaps his fingers. ¡°Forget spider legs, then; how about a huge crab? Like, with a little fortress on its back like some crazy monster hermit crab?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± Your objection fades away with an extra moment of consideration. ¡°...pretty fucking awesome, actually? So let¡¯s call that a massive yes?¡±


    Jay pumps his fists into the air, letting out a victorious whoop. ¡°Alright! Get ready, Magica, because you¡¯re about to witness the biggest, most awesome¨C¡±


    ¡°Wait, hold up. ¡®Magica¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you didn¡¯t hear?¡± Jay fumbles around the pile of papers at the side of his desk, eventually producing a brief memo. ¡°Yeah, they finally settled on a name. ¡®Kingdoms of Magica¡¯. What¡¯s wrong; wasn¡¯t that one of your suggestions?¡±


    Fuckin¡¯ for real?! ¡°That was a joke suggestion! It was the most basic-ass name I could think of! Our fantasy world of magic is named ¡®Magica¡¯? Why not just call it¡­I don¡¯t know, fucking ¡®Fantasia¡¯ or something?!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s actually already the name of some other thing. But it doesn¡¯t matter anymore; the boss likes Magica.¡±


    ¡°Gwen really likes that trash name? Is it weird that I¡¯m kinda disappointed in her?¡±


    Jay shakes his head. ¡°No no, not the department head. I mean the boss. Like, the big boss. Of the whole company.¡±


    Oh. Well. That was¡­.fucking nuts. The actual factual CEO of MundiCo is keeping tabs on the day to day of the gaming division? You aren¡¯t sure if that¡¯s flattering, or horrifying, or disastrous, or some combination of all three.


    On one hand, it¡¯s perversely flattering that one of the most powerful men in the world is taking time off from his company¡¯s busy schedule of stripmining rare earth metals from warzones to peep at you and your crew of dorks playing with your action figures. But on the other hand, he¡¯s clearly shit at thinking up names for video games. Clearly the man should stick to private military actions and obscene wealth management and leave the nerd shit to you.


    Kingdoms of Magica. Woof. And here you were eager to get rid of the placeholder name. Goddamn monkey¡¯s paw. You already miss calling it ¡®The Leashed World¡¯.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Shin burst up from the big ball of kobolds in a cold sweat, his sleep mates whimpering and whining in sleepy reproach. What was that. What the fuck was that?


    Crap crap crap Shin did not need this shit right now. Crap.

 76. An Idle Mind is Consumed by Dread

    Shin clutched his robe tightly to his chest as he slipped out of the sleeping room, subconsciously attempting to stave off shivers that did not come from the cold. Shin had absolutely no frame of reference for what he just experienced. That was different. The Schemer had thought himself inured to the peculiarities of his world; increasingly bored by them, even.


    Self-deception. Flattery. Arrogance.


    That had not been like his many somnolent visits to the ModChat, or his piecemeal insights into the relationship between his world and that of the Players. Even when projected into the unknowable places beyond the material bonds of Magica, Shin had never once lost his sense of self. Even when the world and all of the niceties of logical surroundings were cast aside, he always had the foundation of remaining Him.


    This new vision, though? The one locked behind the uncomfortably-familiar symbol? Shin hadn¡¯t been an outside witness to that conversation. He had actually been one of the people having it. He¡¯d peered through the eyes of the unknown man, so concerned about the stupidity of the name granted to the world he was creating, and even experienced his inner thoughts.


    Shin had felt a twinge in his lower back, and buzzed with irritation over his office¡¯s shitty desk chairs. He could still faintly smell the acrid-sweet smoke from his colleague¡¯s vape pen. It had all been him.


    And in spite of his normally all-consuming curiosity, Shin was relieved to discover his synchronicity with that mystery man had quickly begun to fade once he was awake. It had felt completely real, then, but now it dissolved away at the corners of his mind, like some intense and then discarded dream.


    He was already having trouble remembering what a ¡®vape pen¡¯ was, specifically, or why someone would want it to taste like pumpkin. Thank the Goddess.


    Shin briefly stumbled on the steps leading down to the tower ground floor, fumbling for the railing just in time to avoid a fall. He ran a shaky hand through his long, unbound hair, forcing himself to confront the obvious question presented by his experience.


    Had that man actually been him?


    No, the kobold swiftly decided. Nothing was impossible, but that thought was simply too far-fetched to believe. Maybe there was some¡­connection, somewhere. To Shin specifically, or maybe even kobolds in general. Or maybe it was just some quirk of the System bleeding through, a link between the beings that had created this world and its current inhabitants.


    But the moment Shin had experienced was clearly in the past; they had been discussing the actual creation of Magica, right? They spoke of the world as if it was a thing they were still forming. Even calling it ¡®Magica¡¯ was new to them. They had still called it ¡®The L¨C¡¯


    Shin¡¯s mouth went very dry, and he knew that if he even thought those three innocuous words in sequence he would vomit.


    He needed a distraction.


    And so for the very first time in his life, Shin was secretly relieved to step out into the koi garden and discover three Banken doing their best to corral an unruly Player.


    ¡°I¡¯m not doing anything,¡± the Player harrumphed, the too-wide mouth and too-small eyes of a No One twisted into a mask of affront, ¡°What do you even think I¡¯m gonna do?!¡±


    To his credit, the lead guard managed not to sigh. ¡°We think you¡¯re going to try and dump all of those,¡± he nodded towards the armful of charms the Player was weighed down with, ¡°Into the fish ponds.¡±


    The Player huffed. ¡°Well yeah. Duh. It¡¯ll be great for them. They¡¯re Fish Health Charms.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± The Banken tilted his ears forward. ¡°Then why do they all say ¡®Lightning Charm¡¯ on them.¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± the Player blinked, ¡°That¡¯s just their brand name. Duh.¡±


    There was no holding back the Banken¡¯s sigh now. ¡°¡®Lightning Charm Brand Fish Health Charms¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± the Player confirmed, his bulbous chin set with the unflinching sincerity of a shameless liar. ¡°It¡¯s a great product with a great name. It¡¯s great.¡±


    The three Banken flicked their ears towards one another in a moment of silent communication, and then the leader took a step forward. ¡°Sir, we¡¯re going to need you to come with us.¡±


    For a moment, it seemed like the Player knew the game was up. For a moment. ¡°Okay sure I¡¯ll totally comply¨C¡±


    Shin¡¯s ears shot up. Oh blah was he really going to try to¨C?


    With an exaggerated flop, the Player pretended to trip over the totally smooth pathway. ¡°Oh no whoops I slipped oh no~!¡±


    Yes, yes he was. Blah.


    The Player flailed his arms forward as he fell, an utterly transparent attempt to chuck his runically charged payload into the nearest pond. But the Banken weren¡¯t fooled any more than Shin, and before the charms had even left the No One¡¯s hands the Schemer and the three guards had closed ranks in front of them.


    Shin clacked his teeth as he was peppered with the crackling projectiles, each delivering a painful shock that, while not much more than a nuisance to a fully-grown adult, would surely be deadly for a pond of simple fish. And for their part, the guards bore the unwarranted assault with grim stoicism.


    The Player, however, pitched a messy fit.


    ¡°Aw fuckin¡¯ seriously?! That¡¯s SO not fair!¡± the Player wailed, petulantly shooting a middle finger at the crimson glob that had begun to bubble up above his head. ¡°That shouldn¡¯t be enough to become a Red Player! I didn¡¯t attack the guards; they stepped in front of it! Didn¡¯t you hear me say whoops, you fucking narc?!¡±


    If the Crimson Eye that now stared imperiously down at the Player found that argument compelling, it gave no indication. The Banken, however, made their position abundantly clear.


    The lead guard tsked as his two compatriots seized the newly-annointed Red Player and began to drag him away, unmoved by the criminal¡¯s melange of threats, swears and sarcastic apologies. ¡°I swear, I have no idea where these guys get their ideas.¡± He clucked his tongue in disapproval, then tilted his head at Shin. ¡°Are you alright? Those shocks stung.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m alright,¡± Shin insisted. ¡°I couldn¡¯t let you and your partners endure it alone, right?¡±


    ¡°Sure, but we¡¯re all in armor,¡± the other kobold pointed out. ¡°You¡¯re wearing a night robe.¡±


    Shin blinked. ¡°True.¡±


    ¡°And nothing else.¡±


    ¡°Um. Also true.¡±


    The Banken coughed awkwardly, his ears flattening against his head in an unconscious show of embarrassment. ¡°And, uh, also you¡¯re¡­undone?¡±


    ¡°Eh? What do you¨C?¡± It wasn¡¯t until Shin tilted his head and he felt the shift across the small of his back that he realized he was out in public with his hair completely untied.


    How absolutely lewd.


    The Banken was polite enough to avert his eyes as Shin quickly began wrangling his cascade of dark brown hair into a passable bun, his tail wobbling apologetically. ¡°Goddess, sorry; I¡¯ve had a really weird night.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing,¡± the guard waved away Shin¡¯s concerns. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve got a lot going on.¡±


    ¡°Brother, you have got no idea.¡± Shin gave a final tug on his hair knot, his eyes narrowing as he watched the Red Player be dragged away. ¡°So what¡¯s the current procedure for this situation?¡±Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    ¡°You mean when a Player turns Red inside the city?¡± When Shin nodded, the Banken shrugged. ¡°If they try to fight, we kill them. Most don¡¯t, though; those we escort outside of the city and to dump at the edge of the zone.¡±


    ¡°And then the Wild Children take over as soon as they step foot into the forest?¡±


    ¡°Usually, yeah. Sometimes they take a suicide run at the gates.¡±


    Hm. Between that and getting brutalized by Higen¡¯s pack of deep woods murderers, a desperate charge at the gates was probably the smarter choice. ¡°Which one do you think that guy will try?¡±


    ¡°Oh, he¡¯ll definitely slink back into the woods,¡± the Banken confidently replied. ¡°If he was going to fight, he¡¯d have done it already.¡±


    Well, Shin still needed a distraction. ¡°Wanna bet?¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Blackmire trilled his lips as he scanned the area, his elbows propped up on the fortress wall¡¯s parapet and a spyglass pressed to one eye. ¡°I dunno,¡± the dwarf offered, reaching his fingers under his cap for a quick scratch. ¡°I don¡¯t think he¡¯s gonna try anything.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re too distracted by the show,¡± Bex lectured, waggling her hand for the looking glass. ¡°Gimme.¡±


    Shin and his new Banken friend huddled in with the two Players as they peered over the wall, Bex taking on an instructive tone as she gazed out over the scene. ¡°Now, a casual observer might be drawn in by the huge baby fit being pitched right in front of us,¡± Bex noted, grandly gesturing towards the new Red Player as he threw an ungodly tantrum directly in front of Shinki Itten¡¯s walls. ¡°But isn¡¯t he being a bit too conspicuous?¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± The Banken considered that. ¡°I guess it¡¯s a bit odd that he¡¯s been screaming at us for so long. Isn¡¯t he tired?¡±


    ¡°And he certainly has a lot of very specific things to say about our mothers,¡± Shin noted. ¡°It¡¯s like he really, really wants someone to come out and kill him.¡±


    ¡°Ding ding ding.¡± Bex straightened up, offering the spyglass to the Banken. ¡°And the moment any of the city guards step outside of the borders, his friends Cloaked behind that rock and those bushes will jump out.¡±


    ¡°Behind the¡­¡± Shin squinted at the rock in question, taking in a deep sniff. ¡°You can smell them from here? Because I¡¯m not getting anything.¡±


    Bex shook her head. ¡°Nah it¡¯s not that.¡± She extended the spyglass Shin¡¯s way. ¡°Look for yourself.¡±


    Never let it be said Shin wasn¡¯t game to be paranoid about a rock. But even as he stared at the suspicious chunk of sediment through the glass¡¯s magnification, the Schemer couldn¡¯t spot what Bex was¨C


    Wait. Was that¨C?


    ¡°There,¡± Shin announced, growing in confidence the longer he inspected, ¡°On top. It¡¯s kinda weird, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Yep, you¡¯ve got it,¡± Bex confirmed, straightening out of her crouch. ¡°They¡¯re using Veil or some other low-ish Invisibility spell.¡± She took a moment to stretch, her movements unencumbered by her enforced gambeson tunic. ¡°Most people miss that those spells project a half-inch or so beyond your body.¡±


    True enough, there was no missing it now that Shin had seen it: a very conspicuous divot pressed onto the top of the rock, suspiciously shaped like a bottom. Guess even would-be-ambushers need to take a load off every now and then.


    ¡°Whelp!¡± Bex exclaimed, hefting her halberd onto one shoulder, ¡°If they can¡¯t or won¡¯t use a True Invisibility effect, they¡¯re probably no big deal. I¡¯ll handle¡¯m.¡± She quirked a glance towards her dwarf friend. ¡°Unless you wanted another test run?¡±


    ¡°Oh, deffo,¡± Blackmire enthused, hefting his cannon. ¡°I¡¯ve got it worked out this time for sure. Watch this.¡±


    Ignorant of the proceedings that took place on the fortress walls, the new Red Player continued to rant and rave. ¡°¨Cchokes on it! And anyone else who¡¯ll waggle five dollars in her face! That nasty erph¨C!¡±


    The Player wobbled on his feet, his eyes very wide and his jaw still flapping as it fruitlessly tried to continue on with its flood of obscenities. He coughed once, crimson dribbling down his lips as he weakly prodded the massive hole that Blackmire blasted through his midsection, and then collapsed.


    The butt-indentation lurched off of the rock. ¡°Oh shit! What the shit!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t just stand there moron!¡± The bush shimmered in a wave of embers as a wild-haired Player appeared, an orb of churning fire already growing between his hands. ¡°They¡¯re coming down! You gotta protect me while I channel this shit!¡±


    ¡°Oh shit, right!¡± The rock shimmered as well, the freshly revealed Player¡¯s shock twisting into a cocky grin as he watched Bex gracefully drop from the top of the tower to the ground. He drew his rapier, flicking it through the air with an expert¡¯s finesse. ¡°Come and get some, bitch!¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Bex replied, spinning her halberd out into a ready stance as she strode forward. ¡°I¡¯m coming.¡±


    ¡°Oh are you serious?¡± the Duelist snarked, scoffing at his inexorably approaching foe. ¡°Polearms, for real? So off meta! Do you even watch DankEliteStrats?!¡±


    ¡°I sure don¡¯t,¡± Bex confessed, her stride unbroken. ¡°Tell me all about them.¡±


    ¡°Oh well they¡¯re only the best channel for SURPRISE THRUST~!¡± The Player cackled in glee as he lunged forward, a razor-sharp aura forming around his rapier as it lanced for his opponent¡¯s heart. ¡°Taste it, you dumb bitch! Taste bwah?¡± The Duelist staggered as Bex deflected his strike across the shaft of her halberd, sending him stumbling forward. ¡°Oh you lucky bitch, just try and BWAH!¡±


    With a deft spin, Bex slipped the end of her polearm between the feet of the off-balance Player and hooked him ass over teakettle, the man smashing mouth-first into the ground. ¡°DankEliteStrats sucks,¡± Bex airly replied, her halberd slicing through the air in a brutal arc to split the downed Duelist¡¯s head in two. ¡°Get good.¡±


    ¡°EAT THIS!¡± screamed the remaining Player, hefting his now massive glob of shuddering fire above his head. ¡°EAT¨C¡±


    ¡°Abjure.¡±


    ¡°Aw what?!¡± The mage hissed as his fiery orb harmlessly dissolved, banished by the silvery aura radiating away from the pendant Bex lifted from around her neck. ¡°Goddamn Paladins!¡± he swore, already weaving a new spell. ¡°Fucking lame!¡±


    ¡°Abjure,¡± Bex replied, closing in on the increasingly irate mage.


    ¡°FUCKING CHEAP AS SHIT!¡± shrieked the Player as his weaves of lightning fizzed away. ¡°How many fucking Abjures do you get?!¡±


    ¡°Toughness Mod plus Wisdom Mod,¡± Bex confirmed. ¡°Also, Abjure.¡±


    ¡°FUCK!¡± The mage¡¯s arrow of bubbling acid fizzled away. ¡°Isn¡¯t that only Level Two spells and lower though?!¡±


    ¡°Level Three for me. Abjure.¡±


    The mage stomped his feet as the shards of ice that were forming above his shoulders cracked and fell. ¡°God DAMN this fuckin¡¯, this gacha game pay-to-win BULLSHIT!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t pay to win.¡± Bex kissed her holy icon, its silver aura radiating even brighter. ¡°The Goddess just loves my cute ass.¡±


    ¡°Oh fuck you,¡± the mage snarled, tendrils of bubbling darkness bursting from his hands to lance snake-like towards the girl. ¡°Abjure THIS! DARK CARESS!!¡±


    Bex didn¡¯t bother responding, gritting her teeth as the grasping whip on her right bounced off of her silvered aura. She shouldered her way through the other, bull-rushing her way through the spell¡¯s noxious grasp as she brought her halbred¡¯s gleaming blade down directly down into her opponent¡¯s shoulder.


    The mage collapsed to his knees, wheezing out a final retort in spite of the gruesome cleft Bex had chopped through his torso. ¡°Fuckin¡¯...paladins¡­¡± he sputtered. ¡°Fuckin¡¯...needs¡­nerfs¡­¡±


    As the mage crumbled in on himself, Bex turned towards the fortress and dipped into an elegant bow, the raucous applause erupting from the parapets growing even louder. ¡°Hey! Hey Bex!¡± yelled Blackmire, insistently pointing towards the corpse of the Red Player. ¡°Check the first one! Did it work?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± The girl briefly bent down over the remains of the man, inspecting the ruins of his body before straightening with a regretful frown on her face and the projectile that had utterly destroyed the Red Player in her hands. ¡°Sorry dude,¡± she offered, unfurling the projectile to reveal a tee shirt with ¡®I¡¯m With ¡®Sploded¡¯ and an upward-pointing arrow embossed on it. ¡°Didn¡¯t work.¡±


    ¡°Gah!¡± The dwarf threw up his hands in annoyance. ¡°That should have worked! Is it still enchanted with Auto-Equip?¡±


    Bex¡¯s eyes briefly flickered. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Well boo,¡± Blackmire pouted, sullenly reloading his cannon. ¡°Looks like it¡¯s back to the drawing board, again.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s this, now?¡± Shin inquired, his interest piqued. Not that Bex¡¯s expert display of combat hadn¡¯t been thrilling, but there was something in that matter at hand that had a familiar tickle buzzing in the back of his head. ¡°Auto-Equip?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Blackmire shrugged. ¡°It does what¡¯s on the tin, basically. The tricky part is that it¡¯s supposed to be something you put on your own accessories, not something you force onto another Player.¡± The dwarf pounded a fist into his hand, his eyes resolute. ¡°But with the way I¡¯ve set it up, the shirts should link to the target when their blood gets on them.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure the problem is still Item Level,¡± Bex called out as she reached the top of the gate, tossing the gore-smudged shirt back to Blackmire. ¡°The System won¡¯t let you force someone to exchange an accessory for a lower-level one. It¡¯d be busted.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Blackmire sighed. ¡°And I can¡¯t force them to equip negative effects of any kind through Auto-Equip, so the shirts are all iLevel One. I dunno. Maybe I need to¨C¡±


    ¡°Why does it need to be a negative effect?¡±


    ¡°Eh?" Blackmire squinted at Shin. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Couldn¡¯t you put a beneficial effect on the shirts?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± the dwarf scratched at his head. ¡°I guess I hadn¡¯t thought of that. Giving another Player a beneficial...huh. It would have to be¨C¡±


    Shin wasn¡¯t listening anymore. There was absolutely something here. He¡¯d needed a distraction, something to shove his memories of last night¡¯s sojourn into the furthest recesses of his brain. But now? Now he had something even better.


    Now he had a project.

 77. Caught by the Throat

    Shin blinked, the delayed realization that the room had fallen into complete silence snapping him out of his preoccupations. ¡°Hm? Sorry, what were we talking about?¡±


    Hanbun flicked her ears sideways, flipping over her writing brush in a pique. ¡°Dammit Shin; you couldn¡¯t stay blanked out for ten more seconds?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± The Schemer folded his own ears, glancing at the bemused faces around the council table. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°She means she thought you¡¯d keep staring off into the distance for a full minute,¡± Gero crowed, puffed up in triumph. ¡°She lost. I won.¡±


    The rest of the Shinki Itten council broke down into scattered conversation, resolving their own various side bets as Shin tilted his head at Gero. ¡°The council stopped its business to gamble on how long I¡¯d continue to daydream?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± the big warrior confirmed. ¡°Now Hanbun owes me a whole roast pig.¡±


    Shin drew himself as straight as possible in an attempt to salvage a scrap of his lost dignity. ¡°Okay, well, I¡¯m claiming half of that pig.¡±


    Hanbun gasped, ink splattering onto the table as she snatched up her writing brush and jabbed it in accusation towards the other two kobolds. ¡°Collusion! You were in cahoots the entire time! The truth comes out!¡±


    Gero scoffed. ¡°Please. As if I would stoop so low.¡± Then she whirled on Shin, her aura of good-natured teasing swept away in a tidal wave of barely-controlled aggression. ¡°It¡¯s my pig. You can have one bite.¡±


    ¡°I want sixty-five bites.¡±


    The woman pounded her hand down onto the table, teeth dangerously close to bared. ¡°I¡¯ve seen what you call ¡®bites¡¯; that¡¯s more than half! Ten bites.¡±


    But the Schemer wouldn¡¯t back down. ¡°Thirty.¡± When the first deadly white hints of Gero¡¯s fangs began to reveal themselves, however, Shin remembered that discretion was the better part of valor. ¡°...And you have supervision and veto rights over each bite.¡±


    Gero glowered, her ears ramrod straight as the kobolds locked gazes. The negotiations were over now, everything on the table as the two stared at one another hard eyed and tails thrashing. The question left unspoken was clear: were thirty bites of roast pork worth throwing themselves over the council table at one another teeth-first?


    Eventually, Gero begrudgingly decided that no, they weren¡¯t. But it wasn¡¯t an easy decision ¡°...Fine,¡± she groused, ¡°But you better believe I¡¯m gonna have an eye on each and every one of those bites.¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡± Shin leaned over the table to clasp Gero¡¯s paw, both kobolds¡¯ tails still wagging but every other ounce of body language as solemn and sober as if they¡¯d just brokered a life-changing peace accord. ¡°You¡¯ve got a deal.¡±


    ¡°Just once,¡± Bittercup sighed, the elf¡¯s face burrowing even further back into the shade of her drawn hood as she slumped in her chair, ¡°Just once I want to get through an entire council meeting without a life or death staredown over food breaking out.¡± She shot a glance at Hilde, seated to her left. ¡°Is it just me?¡±


    The hobgoblin captain shrugged. ¡°You get used to it.¡±


    The Wild Son council member growled. ¡°Those are the only parts of these house dog meetings I do like. Goddess, I¡¯ve been in this city for months and I haven¡¯t gotten to see one throat ripped out since. Don¡¯t you dare take this from me, too.¡±


    Bittercup threw up her hands in defeat. ¡°Fine, whatever. Is that it? Are we done?¡±


    ¡°One last thing.¡± Hilde flicked through a stack of official-looking papers, double checking a figure before giving the Wild Son her focus. ¡°What sort of traffic have your people been seeing from Red Players? Increased at all?¡±


    The scruffy kobold shook his head. ¡°Not yet. The Respawn¡¯s still a week or so out, after all.¡±


    The council murmured at the mention of ¡®The Respawn¡¯, an event that had come to loom large in their collective concerns. It was a cruel fact of their world that dead Players didn¡¯t stay that way, instead being reborn at safe zones of their choosing. Kill a Player today, and tomorrow he¡¯d be riding into town with his head regrown and filled with lust for revenge.


    But in a concession towards the citizens of Magica of the sort that the System so meagerly doled out, Red Players didn¡¯t have it quite so easy.


    A Red Player, a Player who had committed crimes that the System Itself considered beyond the pale, did not have free reign over where they might be reborn. Branded as kill on sight in every civilized corner of Magica, a Red Player only had one option when it came to miraculous rejuvenation: the Red Wastes, a desolate stretch of land that the rumors claimed were just as vicious and unpleasant as the peoples who respawned there.


    But putting aside its inhospitable nature, it was another feature of the Red Wastes that was most important to the citizens of Shinki Itten: Location. Because while the city that Shin and his brethren called home was on one far end of Magica, the Red Wastes were found on the complete opposite side. And without access to collective transit or freedom of movement through cities, that was a very long way for even the pettiest of Red Players to walk.


    And yet they would. Everyone at the council table knew it. It would take days, closing in on weeks, but some amount of the Red Players waylaid by Wild Children or captured by Banken were going to walk across the entire world to one day bedevil Shinki Itten yet again. And that day was coming soon.


    Hilde drummed her fingers across the table, chewing lightly on her bottom lip as she considered the timeline. ¡°If even one out of every five of the Red Players we¡¯ve stopped comes back, it¡¯s going to be a problem. We¡¯ve held against them so far, but they¡¯ll have a better measure of us the second time around.¡±


    The Wild Son shrugged. ¡°Our forests have teeth. Let them come.¡±


    That was as close to a definitive answer as one could expect from the Wild Children, as the council was by now well aware. As the rest of the participants began to gather their things and leave, Mimasu tugged at Shin¡¯s sleeve. ¡°That was the least I¡¯ve ever heard you speak during a council meeting,¡± the Scribe pondered, shuffling his copious notes under his arm. ¡°Is everything alright?¡±


    ¡°Sure, sure,¡± Shin insisted, waving off the inquisitive little kobold. ¡°I¡¯m just a bit¡­distracted. You don¡¯t need to worry about it, Mimi.¡±


    The scribe seemed unconvinced. But Shin¡¯s thoughts had already drifted back to the issue that had consumed him throughout the meeting, had consumed him all of the day before and all through the night.


    T-Shirts.


    At first it had mostly been a distraction, a little problem to pick at in an attempt to occupy his haunted mind. But even more, it was an opportunity to further ingratiate Shinki Itten to one of the few Players that was on their side. After all, every Red Player taken down by a Player was one that a Shinki Itten guard or Wild Son or Daughter didn¡¯t have to risk their life against. Surely that was worthy of the fruits of Shin¡¯s devious little mind, right?


    But the more he considered the problem, the more he worked through the possibilities, the more an entirely new possibility began to reveal itself. Maybe there was more to this than just a means of pleasing a single Player. So Shin studied, and Shin questioned, and Shin schemed, and Shin came up with a plan.


    He was so preoccupied with his new project that, for the first time in weeks, Shin was thankful for his slumber to be interrupted by the rude summons of the ModChat. While the Sky Voice and Empty Voice prattled on, Shin was able to continue his machinations unencumbered by the demands of sleep.


    He was so engrossed with his shiny new plans that he almost missed the dull, throbbing lure of another one of those symbols deep within the nothingness between Magica and the ModChat. Another one of those black-ringed circles that he couldn¡¯t stop himself from identifying as The Leash, waiting for him to come find it.


    To come touch it.


    To come and lose himself in another vision of something he should never see.


    Shin knew that eventually he¡¯d be unable to resist that call. Eventually he would seek out the next Leash, and eventually he would subject himself to whatever was hidden within it. But not today.


    Today, Shin was busy.


    So get in line and wait, Existential Horror. Today, there are T-Shirts to make.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Bex took a moment to enjoy the heady bouquet of the shrine¡¯s incense, luxuriating in the fragrance of sharply sweet plom blossom and gentle vanilla as she stretched out in the cool dusk of the offering hall. ¡°Ugh, Enhanced Senses are the best.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Shin considered that, doing his best to conceal his impatience as the two of them waited. ¡°What¡¯s it like, having to go back to your normal life and normal nose?¡±


    The girl tilted her head, thoughtfully taking in another sniff of the spiced air. ¡°I don¡¯t really notice it? It does feel like my nose is sort of stuffed up nowadays, when I¡¯m away from Magica.¡±


    ¡°Oh really that¡¯s¨C¡± the Schemer changed course on a dime as a drained-looking hobgoblin Priestess emerged from the inner sanctum of the shrine, clutching a large basket. ¡°Did you finish?¡± Shin demanded, his tail whipping in wild anticipation. ¡°Did it work?¡±


    The Priestess nodded weakly, pressing the basket into Shin¡¯s eager arms. ¡°Yes, it¡¯s done. It¡¯s¨C¡± She interrupted herself with a massive yawn, flashing her small tusks before groggily reaching up to push her hair out of her eyes. ¡°S¡¯done. I¡¯m gonna go pray now, and then nap. Mostly naps. Lotta¨C¡± She yawned again. ¡°¨CLotta naps.¡±


    Shin cackled in delight, offering the exhausted cleric a grateful bow as she hobbled away. ¡°Alright,¡± the kobold enthused, reaching a hand into the basket as he turned back to Bex. ¡°Are you ready?¡±


    The girl nodded, her tail wobbling in amiable intrigue. ¡°I guess so? Ready for what, though? Is this that thing you were talking about with Blackmire?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s call it a proof of concept.¡± Shin pulled a ball of tightly packed cloth from the basket. ¡°Ready to give it a try?¡±


    Bex flashed a thumbs-up. ¡°Deffo.¡±


    ¡°Perfect. Now, your friend¡¯s design links via blood, and it seems his preferred method of obtaining that is to blast a hole clean through his target. Seems a bit excessive for our little test, though.¡± Shin pointed a finger towards one of Bex¡¯s hands. ¡° Could you give yourself a shallow cut across the palm, please?¡±


    The girl shrugged, pulling a knife from her belt. A moment later she¡¯d drawn it across her hand, leaving behind a streak of bright red. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯ll do.¡± The Schemer tossed Bex the wad of cloth. ¡°Catch.¡±


    Bex deftly snagged the ball with her sliced hand, only for it to vanish no sooner than she¡¯d wrapped her fingers around it. She snorted out a laugh as it popped back into existence over her armor, reaching down to stretch out the bottom so she could read what was written across her new t-shirt¡¯s chest.


    ¡°¡®My Guild Came to Shinki Itten and All We Got Was Killed by These Lousy T-Shirts¡¯,¡± she intoned, her tail spinning in glee as she flashed a wide grin at Shin. ¡°That¡¯s pretty damn good. Does it work like you thought?¡±


    ¡°Almost exactly,¡± Shin confided. ¡°The trick I had to figure out with the enchanters is that most cosmetic shirts are intrinsically Item Level Two, for some reason. And Auto-Equip will only replace an already-equipped item with a higher level one. So these¨C¡± he pulled another t-shirt ball from the basket, ¡±¨CAre enchanted to be Item Level Three.¡±


    Bex attempted to pull the shirt off, snorting again when the Auto-Equip enchantment blinked the garment back onto her the moment she¡¯d pulled her head through the bottom. ¡°Which enchantments?¡±


    Shin gave an airy wave of his paw. ¡°That part doesn¡¯t matter so much. Though it does make the shirts Gear, not Cosmetic, which has its own issues. But yeah, we just made a combination of whatever the cheapest and least-useful enchantments the shrine enchanters knew.¡± He shrugged. ¡°We¡¯re happy to share the recipe, but your friend can probably come up with a more efficient one of his own.¡±If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°Right.¡± Bex grunted as her second attempt to remove the shirt failed, folding an ear in Shin¡¯s direction. ¡°So how do I get this off? Because, sure, funny shirt and all, but I don¡¯t want to wear it forever.¡±


    ¡°That part¡¯s easy; take it to an Enchantment Recycler and have it destroyed. There¡¯s one in every decent-sized city in the world.¡± Shin considered one of the t-shirt balls. ¡°That does make all of these one-use, though. And while making them isn¡¯t that expensive, I imagine they¡¯d start adding up quickly if you want to use them for ammunition.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about that. Blackmire certainly won¡¯t, after all.¡± Bex paused, brow furrowed as she plucked at the hem of her shirt. ¡°And actually, shouldn¡¯t he have been here for this demo? Why did you just call me?¡±


    ¡°Ahha~, now she asks the right question!¡± Shin couldn¡¯t restrain his impish smile as he reached into the basket once more. ¡°I¡¯ve got another new concept, you see. The shirts I¡¯m happy to share with your friend, but the details of this one are best kept in the pack.¡±


    ¡°Aww!¡± Bex grinned widely. ¡°And that¡¯s me? You absolute flatterer.¡±


    ¡°Guilty as charged.¡± Shin drew a stiffened length of white cloth from the basket, tiny symbols of traditional kobold writing inked across its length. ¡°Now Bex: would you please pretend to be a Red Player for me?¡±


    ¡°Oh absolutely; I¡¯ve been practicing this.¡± Bex rolled her shoulders, drew in a deep breath, and then scrunched her face into the most hideous expression she could manage. ¡°You¡¯re cringe! More boba! Ethics in Gaming!¡±


    ¡°Perfect.¡± Shin reached out and smartly smacked the hardened cloth against the girl¡¯s neck, the sharp stud at its end drawing a droplet of blood. ¡°Welcome to Shinki Itten, Red Player.¡±


    ¡°Quiet you bot I don¡¯t ghk!¡± Bex clutched at her neck as the cloth wrapped around her choker-tight, forming a collar that, while loose enough to breathe and speak, was too-snug to fit a finger behind. ¡°Jesus Shin, what¡¯s the idea with¡­¡± She trailed off as the armored plating fell off of her arms and shoulders in a clatter, rings popping off of her fingers as her halberd shimmied off of her shoulder and collapsed onto the ground.


    And then, in a final grand gesture, her t-shirt blinked off of her and fluttered down gently atop her pile of items. ¡°...What the fuck.¡±


    Shin shrugged, his tail a hurricane of ersatz innocence. ¡°I dunno, Bex. It sure looks like all of your magic items unequipped themselves, though.¡±


    The girl stared blankly at Shin. ¡°All my magic¡­¡± She bent down and attempted to pick up her halberd, only for it to skitter away as if repulsed by a magnetic field. ¡°How the fuck, Shin?¡±


    At one point, Shin had fully planned to stretch this out a little longer. To indulge in it, to savor this victory. But when push came to shove, he simply couldn¡¯t resist the opportunity to reveal his fiendish plot. ¡°So, there¡¯s a limit to the total Item Level of gear Players can equip at once. Right?¡±


    Bex nodded, chasing her halberd in a slow circle around her pile of gear. ¡°Based on Class Level, yeah. But I¡¯m not even close to cap?¡±


    ¡°You are now.¡± Shin pointed towards the collar around Bex¡¯s neck. ¡°You are currently the proud owner of an Item Level Six Thousand dog collar, courtesy of Tasan Okaa and Shinki Itten.¡± The Schemer couldn¡¯t resist a small bow. ¡°And, of course, Yours Truly.¡±


    ¡°Item Level Six¨C¡± Bex boggled at the other kobold. ¡°But that¡¯s way too high of a level for me to equip?¡±


    Shin held up a hand. ¡°Not quite. There¡¯s one type of item you can always equip, no matter what your level is.¡±


    Bex hesitantly reached up to paw at her collar once again. ¡°...Are you telling me that this is an iLevel Six Thousand cosmetic item?¡± When Shin nodded in unrestrained glee, she shook her head. ¡°Wait, no; that makes no sense. Didn¡¯t getting Blackmire¡¯s shirts just to iLevel Three turn them into Gear? How did you get this¨C¡± She waggled the choker as best she could, ¡°¨CTwo thousand times stronger while still staying as a vanity item?¡±


    ¡°Because we used a different enchantment,¡± Shin confessed, his expression stiffening as his tone turned serious. ¡°And this is why I only brought you for this test. The exact method we¡¯re using here is, shall we say, unsafe waters. It¡¯d be best if that knowledge didn¡¯t leave the safety of this shrine.¡±


    ¡°I¡­yeah, wow. I totally understand.¡± Bex kissed her fingertips and knelt down, attempting to press them against her Goddess Icon in a solemn oath. When the pendant rolled away from her touch, driven back by her overcharged collar, she couldn¡¯t resist another snort of laughter. ¡°Okay, uh, let¡¯s just call it Girl Scout¡¯s Oath then.¡± She flashed a quick sign with her fingers, then shot Shin an expectant look. ¡°Now spill it.¡±


    ¡°So!¡± Shin adopted a professorial tone, folding his arms smartly behind his back. ¡°There are two primary issues. Issue One!¡± He snapped up a finger. ¡°How do we raise an item¡¯s Item Level while leaving it as a powerless cosmetic item? After all, Cosmetic Enchantments are Level Zero, and zero plus zero is always going to be Zero.¡±


    Bex cut in.¡± And that leads to Two, how do you even afford to enchant a single item that much? Because I doubt there are more than a half-dozen people in all of Magica who could afford to put six thousand Level One enchantments on an item.¡±


    ¡°Exactly. And there is a single answer to both questions.¡± Shin turned towards the shrine, bowing his head in reverence. ¡°In short? Because Tasan Okaa is the best.¡±


    Bex immediately reached out and flicked Shin in the back of the head. ¡°Try again, significantly less short this time.¡±


    Shin laughed, fighting off the girl¡¯s faux-furious assault. ¡°It¡¯s really not much more complicated than that, honestly. You¡¯ve got to know that Tasan Okaa has some unique qualities, right?¡± Bex nodded, and Shin continued. ¡°Well, one of those qualities is a Triple Plus Productive Purview.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen that in my Blessings Screen,¡± Bex slowly offered, ¡°But I never knew what it meant. It¡¯s listed with, like, thirty other things. I assumed it was just another weird thing about my Unique Class.¡±


    ¡°Well, assume no longer. It gives us a lot of little crafting bonuses attached to the shrine, and one of them happens to be that Level Zero enchantments woven by Her clergy become Level One enchantments. Still cosmetic, still functionally powerless, but the difference between Zero and One is hard to overstate where addition is concerned.¡±


    ¡°Huh. Wow.¡± A thought struck her. ¡°Which cosmetic enchantment is it?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the Keep Clean Enchantment; apparently it¡¯s got the lowest mana cost of all the lot. There¡¯s no material cost to any of them, but you saw the state the Priestess was in. Six thousand is a lot of times to do anything.¡±


    ¡°Six thousand Keep Clean Enchantments. Huh.¡± She sniffed at the air. ¡°I guess that¡¯s why I suddenly smell so fresh.¡±


    ¡°Magica is going to have the best smelling Red Players ever thanks to me.¡±


    Bex let that all sink in, thoughtfully plucking at the innocuous collar around her neck. ¡°...This is dangerous, Shin. I know you want to use this to protect the city, but if other Players figured out how this works¡­¡±


    ¡°Again: that¡¯s why you¡¯re the only one I¡¯m explaining it to. Let the rest of the world just see it as some divine punishment.¡±


    Bex shook her head. ¡°Someone could take it apart and figure out the way it works. They¡¯ll try to make more on their own.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re welcome to try, but they¡¯ll need to become devout followers of the Great Mother to swing it.¡± Shin reached out, giving the railing around the shrine¡¯s altar an affectionate pat. ¡°Somehow, I don¡¯t imagine they¡¯ll manage that.¡±


    Even then, Bex was insistent. ¡°Still Shin, I don¡¯t think the Mods are going to be happy about a faction having an item that can freeze any Player out from being able to ever equip another magic item. They¡¯ll be worried you¡¯ll just use it on every Player.¡± Genuine concern flashed across the girl¡¯s face. ¡°Aren¡¯t you worried that this will get everybody deleted?¡±


    ¡°I worry about that all the time, about everything,¡± Shin admitted. ¡°But I think that maybe you¡¯re overestimating the power of the collar. After all,¡± the kobold pointed towards the t-shirt strewn out across the floor, ¡°It¡¯s ultimately no different than that. A Player could just go to any Disenchanter in any town and get their collar destroyed.¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Bex¡¯s ears perked up, the worry fading from her expression. ¡°That¡¯s right! That¡¯s actually really easy to take care of. It¡¯s barely a short-term punishment, let alone a long-term one.¡±


    ¡°Very true. Well unless~,¡± Shin hummed, wicked humor seeping into his voice. ¡°You happened to be a Red Player.¡±


    Bex nearly tilted her head, only for her tail to go stiff as realization crashed into her. ¡°Omigosh Red Players can¡¯t go into cities! They don¡¯t have access to Disenchanters!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re damn right they don¡¯t. And when the Respawning finally comes, I¡¯m going to make sure I send as many of those monsters back to the Red Wastes completely neutered.¡± Shin drew another collar from the basket, offering Bex a black-hearted grin. ¡°I asked the Banken to bring the first troublemaker they came across here. Want to see if they found someone?¡±


    ¡°Oh absolutely.¡±


    Shin helpfully gathered up Bex¡¯s gear into the basket, and then the two of them marched out of the Shinki Itten shrine in search of a first victim. And to Shin¡¯s deep satisfaction, three Banken already had a squirming Player adorned with a floating eye trussed up in the shrine¡¯s entryway garden.


    Huh. Shin had never been happy to see a Red Player before. Gross.


    Brushing aside those sickening thoughts, Shin twirled the collar between his fingers as he inspected the outraged Player. ¡°Hm. He can¡¯t be higher than Level Three? He probably doesn¡¯t have any magic items yet.¡±


    One of the Banken nodded. ¡°We captured him without much trouble, but he¡¯d already¨C


    Shin waved away the rest of that thought. ¡°Good, good; it¡¯s fine.¡± He offered the Red Player a saccharine sweet smile. ¡°This will just be a fun surprise for you down the line, then.¡±


    The Player, for his part, stopped swearing long enough to try and work through the meaning of that. ¡°...Fuck you you fucking bot I don¡¯t have to listen to¨C¡±


    Shin sneered. ¡°Bad Dog.¡± And then he slapped the collar onto the Red Player¡¯s neck, the No One¡¯s tirade of obscenities melting into a squeal of pain as it bit into his flesh, then enveloped him in a snug collar. ¡°There,¡± Shin grandly offered, making a show of dusting off his hands. ¡°Everything worked just as I¨C¡±


    The kobold trailed off as the bag tied to the Red Player¡¯s back popped open, a small charm flying out as it fled the intense enchantment around his neck. Oh, so he did have¡­huh. Shin¡¯s ears began to twitch as a dozen more charms poured from the Red Player¡¯s bag, shooting off sparks as they piled up on the ground.


    Those charms looked familiar.


    Shin drew in a breath, his ears shooting up as his inhale brought a new revelation. The Red Player must have been wearing some sort of musk before or something, but even the most powerful of masking odors couldn¡¯t resist the effects of six thousand Keep Clean Enchantments.


    Shin leaned in close, the Red Player swallowing in sudden nerves as the kobold took a deep sniff. There was simply no mistaking it. The kobold locked eyes with the sweating Player, his gaze unflinchingly hard. ¡°How are you here?¡±


    The Red Player took a weak pass at adopting a defiant expression, but with the murderous stare of a kobold burning straight into his eyes found himself unequal to the task. ¡°I-I, um, y-you don¡¯t, uh¨C¡±


    Shin¡¯s eyes didn¡¯t leave the Player¡¯s, but his voice called out to the Banken. ¡°Where did you catch him? What did he do.¡±


    The brief shuffle of awkward feet answered Shin¡¯s question before the guards could vocally respond. ¡°He went to the¨C¡±


    Shin had already stalked off, storming down the plom blossom strewn pathway from the shrine to the Shinki Itten¡¯s central tower. He could hear the Banken and Bex following behind, dragging the protesting Red Player all the way, but he paid them no mind. He had only one focus, only one thought, and he knew that the crowd that was gathered in the Garden Plaza could only mean one thing.


    The Schemer shouldered his way through the Banken that had formed a protecting ring around one of the center-most koi ponds, the guards clearly thinking better of trying to stop him. Shin stared silently down into the pond, still sparking with the energy of scores of Lightning Charms, his claws digging bloody divots into his own palms as his eyes were filled with the sight of a dozen still, golden yellow bodies floating forlornly at the surface of the water.


    Through the torrent of blood and fury pumping through his ears, Shin barely made out the embarrassed cough of one of the Banken who had followed him. ¡°We didn¡¯t reach him in time; this was entirely my¨C¡±


    Shin slowly turned, his eyes finding the Red Player¡¯s once more. Maybe it was a final wellspring of bravado, maybe it was the sight of his gristly handiwork giving him fresh courage; Shin had no way of knowing.


    But somehow, the Red Player managed to smirk.¡°Guess they really weren¡¯t Lightning Charm Brand Fish Health glk!!¡±


    The Red Player¡¯s shriek suffocated in his chest as Shin leapt upon him, his teeth sinking deep into the man¡¯s soft throat. The man desperately struggled against his bonds but could manage no escape as the kobold thrashed his head back and forth, a hot spray of crimson gushing across Shin¡¯s face.


    Shin wrenched his head back once, twice, and then with the unmistakable sound of tearing meat ripped the Red Player¡¯s throat messily out of his neck, allowing his victim to collapse limply to the ground in a weakly gurgling pile.


    He stared down at the twitching, choking Player for a moment longer, his eyes drawn to the white band of cloth that remained snugly fastened to the human¡¯s otherwise ruined neck.


    Huh. The collar stayed together. That¡¯s another test cleared.


    Shin turned back towards the Banken and Bex, spitting out the lump of flesh that had been the Red Player¡¯s throat before speaking. ¡°Summon the council,¡± he demanded, his face still soaked with the lifeblood of the fading Player. ¡°Summon them right now.¡±


    Bex gave a shallow nod, stricken a bit pale from the barbaric display yet still holding herself together. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because that¨C¡± he pointed a finger towards the already de-spawning Red Player, ¡°¨CWas killed by Blackmire yesterday. And yet somehow, he¡¯s already back today.¡±


    Either the location of the Red Wastes had been moved overnight, or they had all fundamentally misunderstood something about Red Players.


    And if they didn¡¯t figure out precisely what that was, no amount of intricately plotted schemes or savagely ripped throats would be able to save them.

 78. The Lamenting Flower, Part One

    Bittercup flinched back as Shin¡¯s hands slammed down onto the table, incredulity fighting against outrage in the kobold¡¯s voice. ¡°So we¡¯ve got no idea how many of the Red Player¡¯s we¡¯ve dealt with might have already come back?¡± His fingers curled against the council table, claws scraping at the wood. ¡°How did we possibly miss this?!¡±


    Hilde took a moment to respond, harried as she was by the stream of Banken pouring in and out of the council chambers to give and receive hastily scrawled reports. ¡°Well,¡± she started, a faint vein of irritation shimmering in her tone at the Schemer¡¯s demanding words, ¡°They all look exactly the same. That makes identification a bit, to use the industry term, iffy.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the smell that really got us,¡± Gero declared, thunking her finger down with authority. ¡°Every one of the bastards is masking their scent with perfumes or musk or whatever they¡¯ve got.¡± She snorted out a breath of annoyance. ¡°Pretty good way to fool Enhanced Senses.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s smart,¡± Hilde begrudgingly admitted. ¡°And suspiciously organized. As far as we can tell, they¡¯re all doing it. I still don¡¯t know how Glandem could be the one herding all these Red Players, but it seems clear that someone is.¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Momo drummed her fingers across the tabletop, disquiet plain on her face. ¡°We might not have ever noticed if those collars hadn¡¯t happened to be enchanted with Keep Clean. We were lucky.¡±


    ¡°Yes, yes we were.¡± Shin¡¯s teeth clacked sharply as he collapsed back in his chair. ¡°We were very lucky. We cannot rely on getting this lucky ever again.¡± He shot up once again, buzzing with tense energy as he leaned over the table . ¡°So a Red Player can die in Shinki Itten today, and be back here tormenting us tomorrow. That is known, that is a fact. If we want to stop that, first we need to figure out how. How are they doing it?¡± His eyes circled the tabling, seeking out those of his fellow council members. ¡°Does anybody know? Does anybody have a guess?¡±


    And then, to Bittercup¡¯s chagrin, the kobold¡¯s insistent gaze fell upon her. ¡°What about you, Bittercup? You¡¯ve had to deal with more Red Players than any of us. Is there some trick of the trade they might be using?¡±


    Oh blah. The elf attempted to burrow even further into her cloak¡¯s hood as thirteen sets of eyes focused on her. She began to fumble for some sort of deflection, for some halfway plausible effort at hand waving the possibility she might have any insight worth sharing.


    But Shin was staring now, and Bittercup simply couldn¡¯t avoid saying it for a second longer. ¡°...Okay, seriously, are you just going to stay like that?¡±


    The Schemer tilted his head. ¡°Stay like what?¡±


    Bittercup tsked at the man¡¯s false display of confusion, but when he only tilted his head even further the elf boggled at him. ¡°Shin, your entire face is still covered in blood.¡±


    Silence filled the council room as Shin waited for Bittercup to give voice to the rest of her objection. ¡°......Go on?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s, that¡¯s it! There¡¯s no ¡®go on¡¯!¡± Bittercup sputtered. ¡°I seriously need more of a complaint than that?!¡±


    The hobgoblin council members had the decency to look a bit embarrassed at the confusion of their elvish cohort, but the kobolds were baffled to a one. ¡°I don¡¯t get it,¡± Gero rumbled. ¡°How does grooming matter right now?¡±


    Fuckin¡¯ for real?!


    But the other kobolds seemed to implicitly agree, and even the hobgoblins were lukewarm at best. Bittercup looked imploringly to Shita, hoping the reliably level-headed blacksmith would see the problem with someone trying to run a city council meeting while caked in the life-blood of an enemy.


    But instead of respite, Bittercup only received a deeply unconcerned shrug. ¡®What¡¯s wrong with a little throat-blood among friends?¡¯ it seemed to say. ¡®You¡¯re the weird one¡¯.


    ¡°It¡¯s an emergency meeting,¡± Momo offered, clearly attempting to placate Bittercup despite just as clearly not understanding her issue. ¡°So maybe a few of us had to skip a bit of personal hygiene in light of the¨C¡±


    ¡°Personal hygiene?!¡± The Wild Son growled in annoyance. ¡°You city people are so backwards. Chewing out your first throat is a rite of passage.¡± He beamed at Shin with something uncomfortably close to approval before shooting Bittercup an annoyed look. ¡°In the woods, where dogs know what¡¯s right and what¡¯s shit, a pup¡¯ll leave their first paint on until it¡¯s crumbled and black and disgusting.¡±


    ¡°Barf,¡± Bittercup intoned. ¡°I hate that I can¡¯t ever un-know that about kobolds.¡±


    The Wild Son sneered. ¡°Sorry that our sacred traditions aren¡¯t housebroken enough for you, lap dog.¡±


    Momo clucked her tongue. ¡°Don¡¯t be rude.¡± She drew herself up, expanding her attention beyond the abruptly contrite Wild Son to include the rest of the table. ¡°Bittercup has been an important ally and good friend to us all. And if a little thing like this makes her uncomfortable, I see no reason why we can¡¯t accommodate her. Right?¡±


    Making an effort to make sure one had cleaned all the viscera off of their face was a ¡®little thing¡¯ in Shinki Itten, apparently. Splendid.


    All the same the Wild Son seemed apologetic, his tail wriggling low and chastened. ¡°Um, right.¡± His tail perked back up as a thought occurred to him, leaning forward to address Shin. ¡±Do you have a mate? You should see if they¡¯ll lick it clean for you. Very intimate. Very romantic.¡±


    Gero coughed into her fist before Shin could respond, eyes averted as she grumbled. ¡°That¡¯s, um, really old-fashioned, I don¡¯t, I don¡¯t think anyone really-¡±


    The screech of Bittercup¡¯s chair scraping backwards cut through Gero¡¯s stammered response as the elf stood up. ¡°Okay, well. Great meeting, gang.¡±


    Shin stood as well as the woman slipped away from her spot at the council table, readjusting her cloak as she made for the exit. ¡°Bittercup, we really do need to figure out¨C¡±


    ¡°Yes yes, Players are coming to kill us and that sucks. Story of my life. I¡¯ll be in my room.¡±


    ¡°I just think that if we all put our heads together we could¨C¡±


    The elf paused in the room¡¯s threshold long enough to lob a final rejoinder over her shoulder. ¡°Generally speaking, I try not to put my head together with one that¡¯s covered in gore. Sort of a personal rule; I¡¯m just fussy like that, you know? But I guess it works for all of you, so by all means don¡¯t let me interrupt.¡±


    Bittercup was already halfway down the hall before Shin¡¯s response could reach her, muffled to obscurity by her tightly drawn hood and the blood thumping in her ears.


    Maniacs. These dog people were all maniacs.


    Okay, sure, the elf was more than willing to admit it: the situation with the Red Players was bad. She knew better than most how dangerous the monsters from beyond Magica could be, how their shameless self-indulgence and relentless pursuit of petty grievance devoured innocent lives whole. Against creatures such as that, the only hope was that eventually, they would get bored.


    That eventually, they¡¯d find some easier target.


    So the idea that bedeviling Shinki Itten was actually convenient for Red Players sent shivers down her spine. But she just couldn¡¯t focus on that problem, as dire as it may be. Because Bittercup had a problem of her own.


    The elf slipped into her room, making certain that the door was securely shut behind her before turning to face the dreaded mirror propped up beside her washing basin. Bittercup winced, hesitating for just a moment longer, and then threw back her hood to confirm what she already knew. It had finally happened.


    She was no longer an Oaken Elf.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    Bittercup grimaced at her reflection, taking in the undeniable truth. She once presented with short, sharply angled ears, very nearly perfect triangles.


    Proper Quercus Ears, her mother would approvingly call them. The only proper thing about you, Lothnaena.


    Now? Now her ears were indulgently long, brazenly drooping with a wanton little wobble.


    You¡¯ve got the ears of a tramp, her mother would sniff. Yavanna, the Goddess of Filial Piety, is going to send your grandmother¡¯s soul straight to Hell.


    The elf¡¯s frown deepened as she watched her ears fold downwards in her reflection, a near-perfect imitation of one of a kobold¡¯s expressive non-verbal tics. How had this happened? Bittercup had been so careful about keeping these people at arms¡¯ length. Sure, she liked them well enough. She¡¯d go so far as to say she was friends with a few of them.


    Maybe more than a few.


    Close friends, perhaps. Maybe more like¨C


    She shook that thought away. No Bittercup, blah. Remember: Arms¡¯ Length.


    The city itself, then! Hadn¡¯t she done her best to stick to her little room, to avoid any attachments? Her occasional strolls through Shinki Itten¡¯s gardens weren¡¯t enough to form a permanent bond, surely. Quercus had gardens! Great ones!


    Well, okay, fine: decent gardens.


    Decent-ish.


    Yes, it was always raining. Yes, they were infested with woodlice the size of house cats. Yes, they were filled to the brim with leering Oaken Elf nobles, shooting her looks that were simultaneously scornful and lascivious. But the gardens themselves were¡­


    ¡­ugh, fine. They were bad gardens. Whatever.


    Bittercup heaved a sigh, the semi-familiar elf in the mirror heaving one right back. She had really, really not wanted this to happen. But with the evidence reflected so plainly back at her, why bother denying it? Bittercup loved Shinki Itten. It was pleasant, and comfortable, and three days ago she¡¯d discovered an old woman at the corner of the Docks who sold Dire Shrimp tails wrapped in bacon. How could she not love this place?


    In the back of her head, she suspected she simply hadn¡¯t wanted to be the first elf to jump ship. Let someone else take all the attention, and then she could quietly slip in once the idea of elvish citizens was no longer new and exciting.


    Oh!, she would proclaim, we¡¯re all joining up? I suppose I will too and wouldn¡¯t you know it I already have the right ears, what a coincidence no time for questions more Dire Shrimp please.


    Fucking Alyn; why couldn¡¯t Wren¡¯s aide de camp have let himself be seduced by that little farm girl already? Both Bittercup and said farmgirl would have appreciated it, Alyn.


    But no; that was a fool¡¯s dream. If the former General¡¯s former troops were going to jump Sides, they¡¯d have done so already. So that just left Bittercup as the lucky girl to officially bring a new subspecies of elf to Magica. Cue the celebration.


    Yippee. Hooray. Fireworks and whatever.


    What would she even be called? Surely ¡®Shinki Itten Elf¡¯ was a bit too dry. There was usually some sort of gimmick or bad poetry in these names. Pack Elf? Closer, but¡­no, maybe not. The vaguely canine shape of her newly formed ears was definitely going to be the key, but what sort of dog-pun would wind up the¨C


    Oh, wait.


    Oh no.


    Oh shit.


    With a dawning sense of absolute, horrified certainty, Bittercup realized that there was a strong chance she was about to become Magica¡¯s first Doggy-Style Elf.


    She was fated to join a Side where people thought biting out throats was a totally reasonable rebuttal, and she was going to join it as a Doggy-Style Elf.


    Sorry, grandma. There¡¯s zero chance you aren¡¯t headed straight for Filial Piety Hell now.


    Fuck it. The System could dictate the Side she was born to, the Side she was drawn to, and even what she would be called. But it couldn¡¯t stop her from going to the nearest tavern and drinking until she stopped caring about any of that noise.


    See? She¡¯d already come up with one A-plus idea. One of the many benefits of keeping one¡¯s head away from heads covered in gore.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The hostess carefully refilled Bittercup¡¯s drinking bowl, her tongue peeking out and her ears twitching in concentration as she did her best to avoid spilling. ¡°And¡­ah! There, enj¨Cwhoops!¡± She squeaked as she pulled the jug of sake back too quickly, sloshing a bit over the elf¡¯s hand. ¡°Oh gosh, I did it again!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± Bittercup assured the embarrassed kobold, lifting her hand to impishly slurp up the errant droplets of liquor. ¡°Thanks for the free sample, Aya.¡±


    The young woman giggled, her tail thrashing happily, only for her response to be cut off when a pair of Players made their boisterous entrance into the small inn. ¡°Oh, um, I gotta go help them.¡± She grinned back at Bittercup, giving the jug of sake a little wobble. ¡°Want me to leave the bottle?¡±


    ¡°Aya, you are a dream.¡± Bittercup took a sip from her bowl, offering the hostess a wink over its rim. ¡°I¡¯ll think of you whenever I spill some.¡±


    Aya laughed again, giving the elf a playful swat on the arm before hurrying off to address the Players¡¯ exultations for food and drink. Bittercup watched her scurry away, her easy smile fading a touch as she swirled the sake in her drinking bowl.


    Well, here she was.


    A fresh start, in a fresh city, with a fresh Side, and her first idea was to plop herself down in the nearest bar and play-flirt with whoever wandered through her line of sight. She took another rueful sip from her bowl, impressed by the tidiness of it. It seemed you could take the Girl out of the Repast, but not the Repast out of the¡­


    ¡­hm.


    First off, that was an awful attempt at an idiom. No points awarded. But it did make her wonder: Repast Girl wasn¡¯t her Class anymore, right?


    ¡°Status.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Name: Lothnaena


    Race: ??? Elf (Citizen)


    Class: Courtier (Lvl 18, Class Advancement Reset)


    Description: Lothnaena, otherwise known as Bittercup, was born to misfortune, weaned on tribulation, and groomed for tragedy. Once a quietly lamenting flower, she has found herself violently uprooted and tenderly replanted in fresh soil, fertile with opportunity.


    Freed from the shackles of her past and urged onward by the earnest goodwill of her departed sisters, she finds herself at a crossroads: Will she embrace her new home? Or will she strike out on some other path of her own?


    Whatever her choice, she deserves nothing but the best and we are rooting for her shut up get that style guide out of my face I run this Description I can write whatever I want you cow


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Bittercup curled a small smile into her drinking bowl. She was back to a simple Courtier, and she¡¯d lost two Levels in the deal, but at least her Description was as weirdly supportive as always.


    Still, she¡¯d dawdled here long enough. The elf drained her cup before indulging in a sigh; better trudge back to the Central Tower and do her part to figure out this mess. The ability to instantly reset her sobriety was baseline for Courtiers, right?


    She flicked through her Status Screen, searching out the ability that would silence her mild buzz, her eyes lingering on an entry she hadn¡¯t read in quite some time.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Silk-Draped Skullduggery: The ebb and flow of high court is a better-heeled affair than the crunch and tumult of combat, but it is a high-stakes battlefield just the same. And as in its rough-and-tumble counterpart, the first step to diplomatic victory is knowing precisely where to direct your efforts.


    When activated, individuals with information or materials vital to a single matter nominated by the ruling parties of Bittercup¡¯s side will be highlighted. Specifics as to what that information or material may be are not revealed, and targets with a higher Wisdom Modifier than Bittercup may resist or obfuscate this effect.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Feeling briefly nostalgic, Bittercup flipped the ability on. She toyed with her drinking bowl, noting with a vaguely bored sense of detachment that one of the two Players loudly chatting at Aya had immediately flared up with the aura that indicated him as a person of interest.


    So. That guy had some Royal Coins. Yawn.


    It was an elegant use for the skill, Bittercup had to admit, if a supremely boring one. Glandem¡¯s only real use for his Repast Girls was churning out those stupid Coins, after all, so being able to weed out Players that weren¡¯t packing any was convenient. Limiting their scope to such a narrow question completely sidestepped the need for any actual sleuthing, too. Did that guy light up? Bingo, he had Royal Coins. Did he not? Boo, he didn¡¯t have Royal Coins. Tidy, predictable, single-purpose and single-use.


    Exactly how King Glandem liked all of his tools.


    Though¡­she wasn¡¯t one of those tools anymore. She was no longer a Repast Girl, she was no longer tied to Quercus, she wasn¡¯t even the same subspecies as Glandem anymore. So that meant her skillset wasn¡¯t laser focused on sniffing out Royal Coins anymore, didn¡¯t it?


    Bittercup carefully refilled her cup, silently activating the skill to flush away her inebriation as she focused on the aura-outlined man and pretended to take another sip.


    That meant that Player had information vital to Shinki Itten¡¯s biggest crisis. And that could only be one thing.


    She may have been making a mistake. She may have been signing herself up for more council meetings featuring more blood than she was strictly okay with. She may even have been condemning herself to a lifetime as a Doggy-Style Elf.


    But Bittercup had picked her path, and Bittercup had found her home. And now, it was time to show what she could do.

 79. The Lamenting Flower, Part Two

    To Bittercup¡¯s experienced eyes, one fact was immediately clear: Aya¡¯s tail was going to be a problem.


    Living in Shinki Itten had exposed the elf to the panoply of kobold non-verbal cues, from the ear perk to the teeth clack to the ever-popular head tilt. Further still, her natural talents and immersion in the city''s culture had intuned her to the subtle mysteries of those gestures. What does a small snort mean, combined with a tension in the shoulders and alert ears? Is that a smile, or a bearing of teeth? Is that kobold who¡¯s holding a stare slightly too long infuriated, or do they just want a bite of my food?


    Bittercup suspected there was an entire additional layer of smell-based nuance she was missing out on, but even so she¡¯d learned this truth: Everyone talks with more than just their words, and that is doubly true in Shinki Itten


    So when she saw the waitress, crowded at the bar by a pair of boisterous, too-friendly Players, and saw her tail, held low and wriggling in a tight little wag? Bittercup knew that, despite Aya¡¯s best efforts at maintaining an air of professional courtesy, the Players were making the waitress uncomfortable and anxious.


    The Players simply saw a wagging tail, however, and either didn¡¯t know or didn¡¯t care that that didn¡¯t automatically mean ¡®Happy Dog¡¯.


    ¡°Sorry, um,¡± the waitress tried to explain, ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of a¡­what was it again?¡±


    ¡°Long Island Iced Tea,¡± the spectacled Player repeated. ¡°I bet you could make a mean one, couldn¡¯t you?¡±


    Aya couldn¡¯t resist tilting her head, a gesture the Players clearly found charming. ¡°Iced tea? You want me to get you some watered-down tea?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not actually tea,¡± the Player clarified. ¡°It¡¯s booze. It¡¯s good!¡±


    ¡°Pshh, like you¡¯ve ever even had one,¡± the other Player cut in, shaggy hair dangling in front of his teasing eyes. ¡°You just heard someone order that on TV or some shit.¡± He pitched his voice high, waggling his hands in the air. ¡°Oh I don¡¯t wanna look lame in front of this cute waitress; lemme scrabble up the first cocktail I can think of! That¡¯ll impress her!¡±


    ¡°Shut up. Shut up forever.¡± The first Player pushed up his glasses, attempting to maintain an air of dignity. ¡°I¡¯d bet anything they¡¯re a drink in-game, just with some dumb Magica name slapped on.¡± Glasses waved a hand, as if he might conjure the correct moniker out of thin air. ¡°Like, maybe a Tall Cliffs Iced Tea. That¡¯s probably a thing, right?¡±


    ¡°Did I hear someone order a Tall Cliffs Iced Tea?¡± The two Players¡¯ attention shifted from Aya to Bittercup as the elf slid effortlessly into their conversation, as brazen as if she¡¯d been included from the start. ¡°I thought I was the only one around here who liked those!¡±


    Shaggy¡¯s incredulous laugh tumbled into a snort. ¡°Wait, that¡¯s actually what they¡¯re called?¡±


    ¡°See?¡± Glasses puffed himself up in pride. ¡°You were a fool to doubt me.¡±


    ¡°Clearly!¡± Bittercup leaned over the bar, flashing the two men her fourth most ingratiating smile. ¡°You sure know your stuff, Mister¡­?¡±


    Bittercup¡¯s weaponized aura of casual confidence masked the whirling mechanisms of her well-honed skills of observation, the small fraction of focus needed to maintain pleasant conversation with the two Players the only part of her not dedicated to absorbing and analyzing any and all potentially relevant information she could scratch up.


    The Mark? These two Players.


    The Goal? Discovering whatever information they held that was vital to Shinki Itten¡¯s interests.


    The Difficulty?


    Well. Both of their eyes kept darting down to her chest, and they seemed to think they were being subtle about it. So, let¡¯s just put the Difficulty at a generous Three.


    Unaware of the intense scrutiny he was under, Glasses pushed a thumb into his chest. ¡°I¡¯m Prosporo, and my very incorrect friend here is BossJon.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe you guessed it,¡± Shaggy exclaimed, shaking his head. ¡°And that it¡¯s so dumb.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s how they do it in Magica,¡± Glasses proffered, practically radiating erudite wisdom. ¡°They always just do some dumb name swap.¡± The aura of sagacity deflated somewhat as Glasses flushed, a flinch crossing his face as he realized he¡¯d almost missed an opening. ¡°Oh, um, what¡¯s your name?¡±


    Bittercup winked, and Glasses flushed a little harder. ¡°Well, Prosporo, my name is in High Sylvan. So if you¡¯re planning on drinking High Cliffs Iced Teas tonight, maybe you¡¯d better just call me Lolo.¡±


    Glasses grinned, attempting to collect himself and almost succeeding. ¡°Right, um, so these must be pretty strong then?¡±


    ¡°Mm,¡± Bittercup hummed. ¡°I always heard the name was because drinking them is like jumping off a high cliff: Fun while you¡¯re doing it, less fun when you get to the end.¡±


    The two Players nodded along, giving every indication they¡¯d heard the same saying. Which was bullshit, of course; Bittercup knew exactly what a Long Island Iced Tea was, and ¡®High Cliffs Iced Tea¡¯ was some hot nonsense even by the extremely lax standards of the world they lived in. But in Bittercup¡¯s experience men tended not to question their correctness when she agreed with them, and the idea that either of these two might go somewhere else and try to order a High Cliffs Iced Tea was hilarious.


    ¡°So you know how to make them?¡± Aya chimed in. ¡°Could you show me how?¡±


    ¡°Oh sure!¡± Bittercup began to tick off the recipe on her fingers, keeping an imperceptible eye on the expressions of the two Players. ¡°It¡¯s vodka, white rum, gin, triple sec..¡±


    Whether they were aware of it or not, Glasses and Shaggy blanched as Bittercup outlined a significantly boozier drink than they¡¯d been expecting. Right, so these two didn¡¯t drink much. Or probably at all. If Bittercup had to guess, she¡¯d suggest they were barely old enough in the Player World to drink at all.


    Good. Dropping that Difficulty down to a still-generous Two.


    As she finished outlining a drink that the two Players clearly had no interest in trying, Bittercup offered Aya a pretty frown. ¡°Though I don¡¯t think we have all of that, do we?¡± She clapped a regretful hand to her cheek, pursing her lips at Glasses. ¡°Maybe I could offer you something else, Prosporo?¡±


    ¡°Oh, yeah, sure!¡± the Player quickly agreed. ¡°Whatever you think is best!¡±


    Bittercup clapped her hands together. ¡°Great!¡± She turned to Aya. ¡°Aya darling, could you fetch a few things from the kitchen? Some ploms, oranges, limes, maybe a few of those leaves you wrap the shrimp cakes in? Oh, and sugar cubes, please!¡±


    As the kobold slipped back into the kitchen, Bittercup shot the two Players a measuring grin. ¡°Now, I can cut some corners here if budget is a concern, so¨C¡±


    Shaggy cut her off. ¡°Oh no, we¡¯re top shelf all the way. I¡¯ll tell you a secret.¡± He wiggled his fingers to invite Bittercup closer, and the woman gamely obliged. ¡°This guy,¡±¨C he slapped Glasses on the back¨C¡±Is loaded.¡±


    ¡°Why BossJon,¡± Bittercup gasped, plastering on an expression of playful affront, ¡°What a thing to say about your good friend Prosporo! People will get ideas. I will get ideas.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s true,¡± Glasses admitted, critically failing at his attempt to sound casual. ¡°I¡¯ve, uh, got a lot of gold lately.¡±


    ¡°Well then,¡± Bittercup gravely intoned. ¡°I guess that means I¡¯ll have to pull out the best sake,¡±¨CShe produced a bottle of mid rate rice wine¨C¡±And the finest plom wine,¡± ¨CShe paired it with a bottle of exceptionally average fruit spirits¨C¡±And do my best to impress, then!¡±


    ¡°I guess so, yeah,¡± Glasses agreed, watching her start to measure out liquor. ¡°Don¡¯t worry though; we won¡¯t be too rough on you.¡±


    ¡°Now Prosporo,¡± Bittercup admonished, ¡°Don¡¯t make promises you can¡¯t keep. I can already tell you¡¯ve got a refined palate, even an expertise in this sort of thing. Are you an alchemist, maybe?¡±


    Glasses raised his eyebrows as Shaggy snort-laughed again. ¡°Uh, yeah? How¡¯d you know?¡±Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    Light green stains on the fingernails. Faintly sizzling smudge on the lapel that¡¯s clearly Imp Bile. Alchemist Guild¡¯s badge on your travel bag.


    ¡°It¡¯s the way you watch my movements,¡± Bittercup explained, swirling the cup of liquid in front of her chest. ¡°You¡¯re studying me so closely; it feels like you have the eyes of a true expert, you know?¡±


    ¡°Um, yes.¡± Glasses latched onto the extended explanation. ¡°That¡¯s exactly why I¡¯m watching. It¡¯s studying. For alchemy.¡±


    ¡°Well I¡¯m honored. Ah!¡± Bittercup smiled as Aya returned, her arms ladened with fruit. ¡°You¡¯ve got an alchemist¡¯s kit, right Prosporo? Could I borrow your pestle?¡±


    ¡°Oh, sure!¡± The Player pulled up his travel bag. ¡°One sec.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you use that to make potions though?¡± Shaggy inquired, pulling a face. ¡°Won¡¯t it have, like, bug residue on it and stuff?¡±


    ¡°I clean it, dude,¡± Glasses huffed. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    Bittercup tapped a finger on the bar in mock seriousness ¡°Just bear it mind, BossJon, that if Prosporo didn¡¯t clean his pestle and you do turn into a frog, this establishment takes no liability. Drinker Beware, as they say.¡±


    Shaggy snort-laughed again as Glasses produced his alchemist¡¯s kit, Bittercup¡¯s probing eyes soaking in the assortment of tools. Hm. No Hermetic Stone. So Glasses hadn¡¯t been to Magica City yet for his first profession advancement. As far as the elf knew, the System practically bum rushed new Players to the capital as soon as they finished their starter areas.


    Were these two fresh out of their Newbie Zones, perhaps?


    Interesting.


    Bittercup gratefully accepted the pestle, setting it aside as she turned to the fruit. She skillfully diced ploms and cut limes into wedges as she merrily chatted with the Players, her surface actions running on autopilot as her mind rumbled on deep below.


    Don¡¯t just assume, Lothnanae, her mother¡¯s voice sniffed. Can you prove they¡¯re from a starter zone? Or are your skills limited to shoving your chest in their faces?


    She dropped the chopped fruit and citrusy leaves into a jug along with several sugar cubes, bringing the borrowed pestle to bear as she set about muddling the mixture together. Yes, she could prove it. Their clothes.


    Show your work, her mother¡¯s voice demanded. You don¡¯t get points for guesses.


    Well their outfits and gear were clearly designed as a single set, and they were too low level to be wearing a collection of Instance gear. So it stood to reason that they still hadn¡¯t out-leveled their Newbie Zone greens. Points?


    Something¡¯s off, though, her mother¡¯s voice pressed. Isn¡¯t it?


    Yes, Bittercup admitted, using her extremely limited magic to send a handful of ice cubes clattering into the jug before filling it with the sake and plom wine mixture. Something about that was off.


    Tsk, her mother¡¯s voice chided. What a dull thing you can be.


    ¡°Here we are!¡± the woman enthused, sliding a pair of pleasantly peach-colored cocktails towards her two targets. ¡°What do you think, boys?¡±


    Shaggy took a small sip, his eyebrows popping up in reaction. ¡°Mm! It¡¯s nice!¡±


    ¡°Yeah totally!¡± Glasses showily counted out a handful of coins before slapping them down on the counter. ¡°We¡¯ll take two pitchers of this, if you please!¡± He gave Bittercup a hopeful glance. ¡°Maybe you could help us drink them?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s so sweet,¡± Bittercup replied, reaching out to brush her hand across the Player¡¯s shoulder, ¡°But we elves have very particular constitutions. The only spirit I can drink is pioiala, the essence of everberry that my people craft.¡± She cast a longing glance over at her old table, where her mostly full bottle of sake still sat. ¡°But I already finished my bottle. And it¡¯s very expensive.¡±


    Glasses puffed out his chest. ¡°Uh, you remember that I¡¯m loaded, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Bittercup shook her head. ¡°Oh no, Prosporo; I could never¨C¡±


    ¡°Now now,¡± the Player interrupted, already pulling out another fistful of gold. ¡°I insist.¡±


    ¡°Oh, well!¡± Bittercup flashed the man a grin before dipping below the bar once more. ¡°If you insist~!¡±


    ¡°What was it called?¡± Glasses leaned over the bar, surreptitiously stealing a glance at Bittercup¡¯s backside. ¡°Peo Ala? Can I try some?¡±


    ¡°Sure, if you like!¡± Bittercup resurfaced with a bottle of the rawest spirits Moots produced, silencing a noise of warning from Aya with a flick of her own kobold-like ears. ¡°It¡¯s not really meant for non-elven tongues, though.¡±


    Glasses scoffed, pushing up his glasses. ¡°Well that may be so, but I¡¯m sure my palate is mmfh?!¡± The Player heaved as Bittercup popped the cork from the bottle and waved it before his nose, vapors so strong that they might as well have been shaped like little skulls wafting into his nostrils.


    ¡°What do you think?¡± Bittercup innocently inquired. ¡°Should I pour you a glass?¡±


    ¡°No!¡± Glasses cleared his throat officiously, trying to regain his composure and keep his face as far away from the bottle at the same time. ¡°No, um, ahem, I¡¯ll just stick to what I¡¯ve got, thanks.¡±


    ¡°Mm, okay. I¡¯ll just cut mine with a little water so the bouquet won¡¯t be quite so powerful, okay?¡±


    ¡°Alright, great,¡± Glasses responded, sounding relieved. He gestured over his shoulder to a table in the back. ¡°We¡¯ll be back there; you¡¯ll join us when the drinks are ready?¡±


    The elf winked. ¡°Just try keeping me away. Oh, and BossJon?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± The Player paused, awkwardly swallowing the mouthful he¡¯d taken from his drink. ¡°What?¡±


    She gave the man a serious look. ¡°If you start feeling like you might turn into a frog, do let us know? We won¡¯t want you hopping out of here like that. That¡¯s how a place gets rumors about it.¡±


    The two men laughed as they made their way back to their table, animated with high spirits as they chattered amongst themselves. Well, she might have been rusty at this, but it seemed men still liked it when pretty women talked to them. So, like, eighty percent of this job was already done for her.


    Bittercup felt a tug at her sleeve, glancing down into Aya¡¯s concerned eyes. ¡°Um, you¡¯re not really going to drink that, are you?¡± the waitress asked, her ears folded in concern. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s technically not poison, but we don¡¯t serve that to people, we use it to clean dried spills.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I know. That¡¯s why we just do this. Watch.¡±


    Bittercup took a drinking cup in hand. ¡°First we fill a cup with water,¡± she hummed, ¡°Then we add a peel of lime,¡± She dropped in an artfully twisted strip of citrus, ¡°Then we lightly rim the bowl with the incredibly cheap booze,¡± She flicked her finger around the lip of the drinking bowl, leaving behind scarcely more than its scent, ¡°And finally, we charge them ten gold for every bowl of this I drink. And that¡¯s how you serve pioiala.¡±


    ¡°Ten gold?¡± Aya gasped. ¡°Why that much?¡±


    ¡°Because, my young student,¡± Bittercup¡¯s voice was low and thick with devilish intent, ¡°It makes it easier to split the profits evenly between you and me after they spend all night trying to get me drunk on incredibly expensive water.¡±


    Aya¡¯s ears folded even further, but Bittercup¡¯s insightful eye knew it was not in anxiety. ¡°Oh wow,¡± she mused, her tail wagging high and fast. ¡°But what if someone else tries to order it?¡±


    ¡°Then you just give them the actual undiluted stuff. They won¡¯t try to order it again.¡±


    ¡°That is evil and brilliant,¡± Aya declared. ¡°Please teach me all of your ways.¡±


    ¡°Sure, sure,¡± Bittercup promised. ¡°Keep helping me out tonight, and I¡¯ll induct you into all of my dark mysteries. Deal?¡±


    The waitress enthusiastically agreed, turning her attention to recreating the plom wine cocktail Bittercup had made for the two Players. And left alone as she was with her own thoughts, with no marks to charm and no student to school, Bittercup could no longer ignore the question that had been threatening to consume her from the inside-out this entire time.


    What was she doing?


    This was the exact sort of thing she did in Quercus. This was precisely the sort of task that she and her sisters had been honed and hardened for. She was using all the old tricks, all the reliable patter; she was even running the water cocktail scam her trainer claimed Glandem himself had invented.


    Wasn¡¯t she in Shinki Itten because she escaped all of that? This line of work had literally killed all of her friends and sisters, and here she was willingly throwing herself back into the gnashing teeth that had ripped them apart. Why? Why?


    She knew why. She didn¡¯t need to reactivate Silk-Draped Skullduggery to remember, but she did so anyway: the two Players still burst forth with light. They knew something vital to her home, and finding out what was her problem.


    They say that when all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Well, all Bittercup had was years of high-stakes service experience, and this problem sure looked like a pair of suggestible customers.


    There was nothing else to do but kick back a mouthful of the pure Moots liquor, slip on her mask of a smile, and join the two Players at their table. Wherever her sisters were now, if they happened to be looking on, Bittercup doubted that they approved.


    But she knew they would understand.

 80. The Lamenting Flower, Final

    In many ways, knowing that you are missing something is more valuable than even finding out what that something actually is.


    Ignorance is bad, Bittercup knew, but ignorance of ignorance is fatal. How was it the King put it? As long as you know that you don¡¯t know, you know¡­no, that wasn¡¯t it. Not knowing is the only knowing that¡­


    Ugh.


    Bittercup lifted her drinking bowl to her lips, hiding the brief wrinkle in her agreeable mask behind a long sip. Here she was, nodding and smiling and trying to remember a fucking Glandem aphorism while two Players fumblingly detailed their Starting Zone storylines at her.


    Gods she wished this was actual booze. Actual booze or better company. Bittercup was due at least one wish. She was cashing it in. Go. Go now, Wish. Go Go Go.


    ¡°-bandits had, like, this big, uh,¡± Glasses grimaced, fumbling for the right term. ¡°One of those big crossbows? Big crossbow things?¡±


    ¡°Ballista,¡± Shaggy offered, sloshing a good amount of his third drink over his hand as he leaned forward. ¡®Right? Ballista?¡±


    ¡°My gosh!¡± Bittercup gasped, ¡°And they had it aimed at the mayor¡¯s daughter?¡±


    ¡°Right? They were all like ¡®If you don¡¯t give us the town¡¯s gold, we¡¯re totally gonna ballista her!¡¯¡±


    ¡°That is just awful.¡± Bittercup screwed her eyes shut, offering a small shake of her head. ¡°So what did you do, Prosporo?¡±


    ¡°Well, I mean, we still had to gather a bunch of bees for this other townsperson and fix a clock or something so first we-¡±


    Double Ugh. Bittercup was definitely going to figure this particular mystery out long before this damn wish got off its lazy, mystical ass and set about fixing all of her problems. Because the elf already knew one thing for absolute certainty: Glasses and Shaggy didn¡¯t know shit about ass.


    They were involved, clearly, or her Silk-Draped Skullduggery wouldn¡¯t have singled them out. But the two Players were either catspaws, patsies, or at most had been sucked in by a bit of instant-stooging. Whatever their part had been, it was simply one small piece of a much larger puzzle.


    Makes sense, Bittercup reasoned. Very few people have the skills or mentality necessary to project innocence when they know they¡¯ve got something to hide, and gathering enough master spies to keep even a modestly-sized operation running was a recruitment nightmare. But anyone can keep a secret if they don¡¯t even know it exists. Smart.


    That sword could cut both ways, though. Assuming Bittercup followed all the threads and this scheme could be foiled, Glasses and Shaggy would have no idea they¡¯d been the ones responsible for the first crack. The ones actually behind whatever was going on would have no reason to suspect anything was amiss until it all blew up in their faces.


    ¡°-looked up the answer. Riddles are so stupid; why does every Quest Hub always have a riddle quest, anyways?¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Bittercup ran a finger around the lip of her glass.¡±Back home, at least, it¡¯s to appease Glasta, the Elven God of Riddles. But if there is more than one riddle, or it¡¯s too complex, you run the risk of enraging ¨®ripanta, the Elven God of Plain-Speaking.¡±


    ¡°Well I agree with Ory Panther because riddles suck.¡± Glasses finished off the rest of his glass, Bittercup ready with the pitcher to refill it once again. ¡°So anyway, yeah! That¡¯s how we became heroes of the town, and received summons to Magica City to-¡±


    ¡°What about the mayor¡¯s daughter?¡±


    ¡°Eh?¡± Glasses hoisted his new drink. ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°The mayor¡¯s daughter?¡± Bittercup repeated, pouring Shaggy another glass full as well. ¡°She was being held at ballista-point?¡±


    ¡°Oh, right! Her! Huh.¡± Glasses took a thoughtful sip, then glanced towards his compatriot. ¡°I guess we never found out, huh?¡±


    ¡°Guess not,¡± Shaggy shrugged. ¡°Whatever.¡±


    They didn¡¯t finish the quest? Bittercup surreptitiously glanced at Glasses¡¯ hand, re-confirming the Heroes¡¯ Band around his ring finger. Every new Player gets that as the reward for finishing a Starting Zone. So how did¨C


    ¨CRight. Got it.


    ¡°You said you were summoned to Magica City?¡± The Players nodded, and Bittercup offered a sweet frown. ¡°Well I almost hate to say it, but I think the last merchant ship headed that way leaves soon?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Shaggy opened a prompt with a flick of his finger. ¡°Oh shit, she¡¯s right.¡± He rose from his seat, choking down about half of his remaining drink. ¡°We gotta go.¡±


    ¡°Aw¡± Bittercup stood as well, reaching out to lightly brush a hand across Shaggy¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Well I¡¯d love to chat some more, if you¡¯re ever back in this part of the world. Oh!¡± The elf lit up with an idea. ¡°Why don¡¯t you both send me Favored Villager requests?¡±


    Glasses and Shaggy shared a grin before clacking away into newly-summoned prompt windows, sending their requests before stumbling towards the bar to pay their tab. Bittercup managed a wave in response as she shouted their goodbyes, but the two Players had already begun to fade from her mind. She had all she needed from them in the dual screens that popped up before her.


    The Favored Villager System was an annoyance more than anything else, just another way for Players to bother Citizens that had caught their attention. Bittercup had no particular interest in hearing from Glasses or Shaggy ever again; she¡¯d simply leave the requests without response for a few weeks and then quietly decline them. But it was one of the few ways for a Citizen to get a truncated look at a Player¡¯s Character Sheet, and therefore one of the only ways for Bittercup to quietly confirm her suspicions.


    And sure enough, there it was: one seriously out of place hat. Like many Players, Glasses and Shaggy had opted to hide their Head slot gear. But a Character Sheet would still display everything a Player wore, hidden or not.


    And now that she could see the offending headpiece, it wasn¡¯t hard to tell why they had both opted to go for the hat-free look: all the rest of their equipment tied together nicely, clearly part of a single Starter Set. But the hat stuck out like an aesthetic sore thumb, its material, coloration, and design meant to complete some entirely different Set.


    Head Gear was the final piece of Start Set equipment a new Player earned as they worked through a Starter Zone. And Glasses and Shaggy had completed a Starter Zone, or they wouldn¡¯t have received a Heroes¡¯ Band.


    But it seemed clear to Bittercup that, for whatever reason, these two Players had started in one Zone, finished all of the quests up until the grand finale, then transferred to some entirely different Starter Zone and finished the final quest there.


    Finally, her mother¡¯s voice sniffed, If you were a proper elf with proper ears, it wouldn¡¯t have taken you so¨C


    Bittercup waved away her mother¡¯s imaginary scolding, activating Silk-Draped Skullduggery to confirm that the skill¡¯s aura no longer blazed around either of the two Players. This was the information vital to resolving Shinki Itten¡¯s crisis. What did that tell her?


    It told her that whatever was going on, someone had put a lot of thought into it. Starter Zone Completion was a single track; once you¡¯ve completed one, you¡¯ve technically completed them all. And the Starting Zone Experience was very accommodating to Players who wanted to join up with their friends. That meant the final quest Instance of an obscure Starting Zone was the perfect place to stage a meeting of New Players from anywhere in Magica without having to worry about anyone bumbling in uninvited.


    All it would take is a single Friend Request, and you could pull new Players from anywhere in Magica to a single location. One much closer to Shinki Itten, for example.


    Not Red Players, though. Their Friend System features automatically turned off, and the town guards would still attack them on sight. Hm. It seemed as if there was still more to this particular mystery.


    Well, whatever. Bittercup had done her part.


    Aya glanced up from the obscene pile of gold the two Players had paid their bill with as Bittercup joined her at the bar, the elf¡¯s quickly scrawling out a note on a scrap of paper. ¡°Aya, would you be a lamb and do me one more favor?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± the kobold enthused. ¡°Anything you want!¡±


    ¡°After I¡¯ve left, could you pass this note along to a town guard?¡± She slipped the message towards Aya. ¡°I¡¯d really appreciate it.¡±


    The girl nodded, tucking the note into the pocket of her apron. Well then, that was that. Bittercup joined Aya in separating out her share of the loot, content that the matter had been resolved on her end. She¡¯d helped out the city, made a solid chunk of change, and could now go back to living the arms¡¯ length life she definitely wanted, regardless of what her ears insisted.


    It was someone else¡¯s problem now.


    _______________________________________________________


    The knock on her door later that night was the first sign that, perhaps, this was in fact still Bittercup¡¯s problem. The second sign was when Bittercup gingerly opened said door, revealing the Captain of the Godsdamned Guard standing there, holding the note she had given Aya.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Hilde performatively cleared her throat as she lifted the note, reading aloud before Bittercup could manage a greeting. ¡°Inform all gate guards to be on the lookout for new Players with mismatched Starter Gear. Watch for this hat in particular,¡± The hobgoblin tapped her finger against the parchment. ¡°And then there¡¯s a very nice sketch of a very ugly hat. I didn¡¯t know you could draw.¡±


    ¡°Well I¨C¡±


    The woman cleared her throat again, picking up where she left off. ¡°If spotted, keep under surveillance but do not alert. Watch for a hand off of any kind with Players who may already be in the city.¡± Hilde folded the note with a flick of her hand, tucking it down into the neck of her gorget. ¡°So that¡¯s it, then?¡±


    ¡°Um,¡± Bittercup started, suddenly furious at her own tied tongue. ¡°Yeah. Basically.¡±


    Hilde folded her arms across her breastplate. ¡°Why the note? Why didn¡¯t you just go tell a guard yourself? Or me? I sit right next to you in the Council meetings; you could have just told me then.¡±


    Bittercup flushed. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to get involved.¡±


    ¡°Ha! No.¡± Hilde shook her head. ¡°¡±If you didn¡¯t want to get involved you wouldn¡¯t have, you know. Gotten involved.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, so what?¡± Bittercup glared at the hobgoblin, irritation and embarrassment sending lances of heat up her neck. ¡°You think you know so much about me; why don¡¯t you tell me why I send the fucking note?¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± The guard turned and started off, pausing after a few steps to glance back over her shoulder. ¡°Well? Are you coming?¡±


    ¡°What? Where are we going?¡±


    ¡°To dinner. So are you coming? Or do you want to hide in your room for another three months?¡±


    The elf blinked, the heat in her neck pulsing again. And then she grumbled, falling in line beside Hilde. ¡°I do want to hide in my room for another three months. But I¡¯m also hungry, so fine. Whatever.¡±


    The two walked in silence as they made their way through the early evening Shinki Itten streets, the sun beginning to set into a sea of apricot and plum as the people of the city wound down their day. The eternally suspicious part of Bittercup¡¯s mind, hardened by a lifetime of abuses and betrayals, couldn¡¯t help wondering if she was being led into some sort of trap. If they would round a corner to reveal a group of armed guards, or waiting Players, or even Glandem himself as impossible as that would be.


    Instead, Hilde threw open the door to a boisterous bar, filled to the brim with a raucous crowd of off-duty dockworkers and Banken. The woman waved away the small cheer that broke out at her appearance with faux-irritability before lifting her hands in a pleading gesture to the pleasantly plump kobold that moved to greet her. ¡°Chari, please say you saved one for me?¡±


    ¡°Of course I did!¡± The matronly woman swatted Hilde with her cleaning towel, already bustling her and Bittercup to the last open table in the packed house. ¡°You know I¡¯ll always look out for my favorite customer.¡±


    ¡°I love you, Chari. Marry me.¡± Hilde professed, draping herself down into the proffered chair like a king taking their throne. ¡°You can commit any crimes you want.¡±


    That earned the hobgoblin another smack from Chari¡¯s towel before she turned to Bittercup, setting a bowl down on the table as she offered the elf a homey smile. ¡°Can I bring you a drink, love?¡±


    Hilde leaned forward, aiming a significantly more teasing smile Bittercup¡¯s way. ¡°Another bowl of pioiala, perhaps?¡±


    Bittercup leveled a flat stare at the grinning guard captain. ¡°I¡¯ll have whatever she¡¯s having.¡±


    Chari aimed another swat Hilde¡¯s way before bustling away, leaving Bittercup to sit as a lightly stewing island of anxiety amidst the spirited good cheer of the bar. What fresh hell was this going to be, then? Was Hilde going to insist she stop sticking her nose in where it didn¡¯t belong? Or even worse, insist that she stick it in even more? Because the last thing she wanted was¨C


    ¡°So we¡¯ve already found one.¡±


    Bittercup blinked. ¡°What?¡±


    Hilde paused to pick up the bowl Chari had left, fishing out a slice of pickled radish for herself before offering it to the elf. ¡°One of the Players you mentioned. Oh, try the cabbage; the cabbage is good.¡± She nodded in approval as Bittercup selected a beautiful pale-green leaf before continuing on. ¡°We¡¯re certain we missed a few, because so many Players hide their hats for whatever reason? But at least one didn¡¯t. She brought a big package of goods into town. Sold it to someone for significantly more than it should have gone for.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Bittercup took a moment to carefully chew her pickled cabbage, marveling at the burst of rich flavors. Gods, if there was even a single good cook in Quercus she might have stayed loyal forever, even with everything else. ¡°So what happened?¡±


    Hilde shrugged. ¡°Nothing yet. The buyer is still in the city, under constant Banken surveillance. Whenever they do what it is they are going to do, I¡¯ll get a message. Until then, there¡¯s nothing much to do.¡±


    ¡°Right. Well good.¡± The elf plucked another piece of cabbage from the bowl, a moment of silence falling over the table. Before long, though, Bittercup had to ask. ¡°So¡­why all of this, then? Why come find me?¡± Hilde started to reply, but Bittercup barreled past her. ¡°Because if you want me to become a spy for you or something, you¡¯ve got no¨C¡±


    ¡°Whoa, whoa! No!¡¯ Hilde waved her hands, attempting to placate the bristling elf. ¡°That¡¯s definitely not it! Look, Bittercup, I would never say that I know what you¡¯ve been through? But the small hint I have of what happened to you seems like a nightmare. You don¡¯t owe us going through more of that.¡±


    Bittercup lowered herself back down into her seat, her hackles slowly doing so as well. ¡°So what, then?¡±


    Hilde chewed her lip for a moment, drumming her fingers across the table as she carefully considered her words. ¡°...Okay. Is it possible that you¡¯re¡­more worried about a specific person in town beginning to see your talents as a tool in their kit? Someone who might have the best intentions, but¡­well.¡± Hilde shrugged again. ¡°Best intentions are great on a wide scale, but can be brutal at an individual level. Your old King probably had the best intentions too, right? At first?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t¡­¡± Bittercup frowned, lowering the radish she¡¯d just pulled from the bowl. That was it, wasn¡¯t it? At some point, however many years ago, a girl probably just like her had put her trust in the hands of a Schemer, probably a lot like¡­someone. And that Schemer had proceeded to make a series of choices, every one of which was probably entirely reasonable and justified when viewed individually.


    And then, one day, all of those choices had become the Repast. Bittercup would be a fool to think it was impossible for it to happen again. ¡°Something like that. Maybe.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± Hide let out an anxious huff, offering Bittercup a sympathetic look. ¡°Well I just wanted to make sure you knew that the Banken are going to totally honor your request for anonymity. As far as anyone else will know, the wall guards pieced together this clue. And that deal will stand for anything else you ever might want to bring to us. Okay?¡±


    ¡°Right. Okay.¡± Bittercup let the breath she hadn¡¯t realized she was holding loose, tension fading out of her shoulders. Then, she crooked an eyebrow towards Hilde. ¡°Though I have to say, I¡¯m a little surprised you felt this way.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Hilde asked around a mouthful of radish.


    ¡°You¡¯re one of his closest friends, aren¡¯t you?¡± The elf leaned forward, taking the opportunity to return the hobgoblin¡¯s previous teasing tone. ¡°There are rumors, you know, that the two of you are actually¨C¡±


    ¡°Oh Goddess, no.¡± The guard captain choked down the pickle with a grimace. ¡°Him? Not even a bit; he¡¯s like my little brother. He is extremely not my type.¡±


    ¡°Oh really? Then what is your¨C¡± Bittercup trailed off, another thought twinkling up from the part of her mind that hadn¡¯t been hardened by abuses and betrayals. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you just tell me all of this back at my room? Why did we have to come here?¡±


    For the first time Bittercup could ever recall seeing, a light flush of peach rippled across Hilde¡¯s cheeks. ¡°Why not? People have dinner. That¡¯s not a big deal.¡±


    Whatever retort Bittercup might have come up with crumbled as she became aware of the fact that she had left her room, for the first time ever, without her hooded cloak. She was sitting here, in public, having dinner, with her newly changed ears completely uncovered. Even contemplating this sort of situation a mere month ago would have sent the old her into an anxiety spiral.


    But¡­maybe not anymore? She was changing whether she liked it or not. But maybe deciding to like it had actually been an option this whole time.


    Any lingering doubts she might have had were obliterated when Chari reappeared, dropping a steaming platter onto the table filled to near overflowing with an enormous roast bird. It was easily the size of a grown pig and roasted to a glossy, gorgeous brown sheen, giving off the sort of smells that definitively proved that at least one God out there must truly love them.


    ¡°What the fuck is that,¡± Bittercup demanded, nearly drowning on her own drool.


    ¡°This is a sort of chimera the Wild Children found to the North. See?¡± Hilde indicated the three necks still protruding from its glorious body with the knife Chari offered her. ¡°It¡¯s a turkey, chicken, and a duck all at once.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Wow. Fuck.¡± The elf swallowed slowly. ¡°I¡¯ve completely forgotten whatever we were just talking about. But whatever it was, I agree with you entirely.¡±


    Hilde grinned widely, her cheeks still glowing peach as she began to carve into the bird. ¡°The thing to do,¡± she began, slicing away a massive strip of beautiful crackling, ¡°Is to eat the skin first.¡±


    That, Bittercup conceded, was the sexiest thing anyone had ever said to her. She accepted the morsel with shaking hands, the crispy skin just barely shy of scalding as she sank her teeth into a tidal wave of savory delight, sweet earthy spices and unctuous fat and the flavor that could only come from the flesh of an affront to bird-kind everywhere swirling together to create the single greatest bite of Bittercup¡¯s life.


    It had taken the better part of a day, but this was it. Her wish had come true.


    Before Hilde could carve another piece, a prompt flashed open above the table. ¡°Oh! They must have found something?¡±


    Bittercup was still deep in the embrace of pure bliss. ¡°Eh?¡±


    ¡°The Banken who were following the contact, they sent me a scry. The target must have done something they wanted me to see.¡±


    ¡®Seeing¡¯ wasn¡¯t super high on Bittercup¡¯s priority list right now; any sense that wasn¡¯t taste or smell was essentially turned off. But she¡¯d try her best. ¡°Well? What was it?¡±


    ¡°Here,¡± Hilde offered, scooting her chair around to Bittercup¡¯s side of the table. ¡°Let¡¯s watch it together.¡±


    Bittercup nodded, licking the lingering flavor from her fingers as Hilde punched something into the screen. The elf did her best to pay attention, to not be distracted by the roast chimera that teased her from the table. Or, increasingly, the realization that her leg was touching Hilde¡¯s.


    But then she finally managed to focus on what was paying out before her eyes, and it wasn¡¯t hard to give the scene her undivided attention any longer.


    At length, Hilde spoke up. ¡°...I¡¯m still going to keep your anonymity, Bittercup. But I have to take this to the Council right now.¡±


    Bittercup silently nodded, both the bird and the beginnings of what was shaping up to be an entirely pleasant evening entirely forgotten.


    Wishes are real, her mother¡¯s voice smirked, and you wasted yours on a bird and a goblin. Good work, Lothnaena.


    You said it, Mom. Good work, Lothnaena.

 81. The Holding Satchel Scam

    Shin quietly hoped that if he saw it again, he might respect it less. ¡°One more time.¡±


    Hilde nodded, reaching over the Council table to restart the captured scrying as the assembled Shinki Itten leaders watched with grim eyes and gritted teeth. Again the Player brought his sack of newly purchased wheat to some remote corner of the city. Again the Player shoved his hand in, carelessly spilling the grain they had just paid so dearly for. Again the Player pulled an almost comically small bag from deep within, arcane runes faintly across it.


    Again the Player opened the magical bag wide, allowing the corpse of the Red Player to again spill out.


    Nope. He was still impressed. Dammit.


    Waving away the image of the Red Player corpse being doused in some sort of Rejuvenation Potion by his conspirator, Shin caught Bex¡¯s eye. ¡°Have you seen anything like this happen before?¡±


    The girl shook her head. ¡°No way. A couple aspects of it, maybe, but never all together like this. And never at this sort of scale. Especially not the whole ¡®Corpse in a Holding Satchel¡¯ meme; people have talked about that but as far as I knew no one had ever pulled it off.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± Shin fussed at his half-braided hair, annoyed that it could distract him even given the seriousness of their situation. ¡°It certainly seems effective.¡±


    ¡°Yeah but the risk involved is insane. Look,¡±¨CBex thumped a finger into the table for emphasis¨C¡±If you consent to your corpse being put into one of those? You¡¯re completely at the mercy of whoever owns the bag. Unless they decide to let you out, you can¡¯t even choose to respawn at your home binding. If they don¡¯t, you¡¯ve basically just deleted your character.¡±


    Hilde grunted. ¡°Hard to imagine any Player having that level of faith in some stranger, let alone Red Players. But somehow they exist, and they¡¯re all focused on us.¡±


    ¡°By the way,¡± Momo cut in, gesturing towards the image of the freshly revived Red Player. ¡°What did this one wind up doing? Was anyone hurt?¡±


    ¡°He snuck down to one of the granaries and tried to ¡®accidentally¡¯ start a fire,¡± Hilde replied, dismissing the window. ¡°We had eyes on him the whole time, of course, so he didn¡¯t get very far. Though I guess he gets to just try again tomorrow, huh?¡±


    ¡°Wait wait wait,¡±¨CShita waved a hand, the blacksmith¡¯s brow furrowed¨C¡±Can we back up about a dozen steps? I still don¡¯t understand everything that¡¯s going on here.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I understand anything that¡¯s going on here,¡± confessed Ole, one of the hobgoblin council members. ¡°I don¡¯t even get why it¡¯s all in bags of grain? Shouldn¡¯t the Players they¡¯re roping in to transport those think it¡¯s all suspicious?¡±


    Bex shook her head. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s actually super common. New Players get paid to launder trade goods all the time; most of the tips and tricks guides for Magica recommend it as an easy way to make money when you¡¯re first starting out. There are always more established Players out there with, like, a hundred bales of alfalfa who are looking for a hundred new Players to sell it one bale at a time. Usually straight back to themselves.¡±


    Ole scratched under his cap. ¡°Uh. Why. Why, though.¡±


    The Player shrugged. ¡°I dunno all the details? It¡¯s some sort of Merchant thing.¡± She paused briefly to click on a notification prompt that appeared at her side, eyes scanning the message as she distractedly carried on. ¡°It¡¯s something about earning more Sales points from multiple first-time customer transitions rather than bwa~! Haha!¡±


    Cutting off her own muddled explanation with a peal of laughter, Bex whipped up a reply window and began clacking away a message of her own. Her clear glee at whatever her private exchange was faded somewhat when she realized that all of the eyes of the Council were still on her. ¡°Oh, um sorry. My friend sent me a message; she¡¯s really funny and, um,¡±¨CThe girl cleared her throat, ears folded back in embarrassment¨C¡±Sorry about that.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t miss that she still hit ¡®Send¡¯ on her reply.


    ¡°Anyways,¡± Bex continued, her tone chastened, ¡°The Players physically bringing these bags into town definitely don¡¯t realize they¡¯re doing anything out of the ordinary. Just some garden variety cheesing.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it still violating the spirit of the rules, though?¡± Mimasu offered, tapping the feather of his quill thoughtfully against his cheek. ¡°That can¡¯t be how it¡¯s supposed to work, even if lots of people do it. Maybe if we lodged a complaint with the Moderators, we could¨C¡±


    ¡°Really, Mimi? That¡¯s your suggestion?¡± Shin managed to keep the scorn out of his tone, but the bristled fur down his neck told the truth. ¡°You think we can save ourselves by tattling?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a moot point either way,¡± Momo cut in, her tone and posture dousing a potential argument. ¡°I doubt the buyers are even using this Merchant system or whatever, so there¡¯s nothing there to complain about in the first place. It¡¯s all just a facade.¡±


    Shita clacked her teeth before huffing out an exhausted breath. ¡°Okay, but what about the bodies? I thought Red Players respawned on the other side of the world or something.¡±


    ¡°Look,¡± Shin rose from his seat, ¡°Should I just run down the whole plot for everyone?¡±


    The Wild Son council member scoffed. ¡°Oh, so you¡¯ve got it all figured out huh?¡±


    ¡°Yeah I do, so shut up and let me walk you through it.¡± The unruly kobold grumbled, but didn¡¯t interrupt as Shin began to pace his way around the council room. ¡°Okay. Step One: Our enemy recruited somewhere between a dozen and two dozen Players into their plot against us, all low leveled or even brand new. Higher level Players are obviously attacking us too, but they aren¡¯t part of this particular scheme.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a hell of a thin silver lining,¡± Gero grumbled.


    Shin pressed on. ¡°Step Two: Those Players cause trouble in Shinki Itten, turning Red in the process. They hurt us, we kill them. Step Three, these new Red Players corpses vanish, and they respawn,¡±¨CShin snapped his fingers, pointing an expectant finger towards the Wild Son¨C¡±Where?¡±


    The kobold hesitantly responded, almost in spite of himself. ¡°Uh, in the Red Wastes, right?¡±


    ¡°Bzzt, wrong, no prize.¡± The Wild Son scowled as Shin snapped his fingers again, pointing this time to Bex. ¡°And they respawn where?¡±


    The Player shifted uneasily in her seat. ¡°Um, at their Starting Zone.¡±


    The council buzzed at that, all breathless murmurs and folded ears as Shita shot up from her seat. ¡°What! You told us that Red Players were banished to the other side of the world!¡±


    ¡°I know, I know! I¡¯m sorry!¡± The mortified girl waved away whatever joke her friend had just messaged her as she pleaded her case. ¡°It never even occurred to me! I mean, it should be useless anyway! Red Players can keep their Starting Zone respawn if they really want to, but what would be the point? The guards would just kill them on sight, so their only real option is to go to the Red Wastes!¡±


    ¡°Unless being a corpse is what they want,¡± Shin retorted, beginning to pace again. ¡°Which it is. So we¡¯ve got a bunch of Red Players popping up in some agreed-upon Starting Zone, which quickly become a bunch of Red Player bodies piling up in that zone. Which brings us to Step Four.¡±


    Shin whirled around, swept up in his own dramatics. ¡°The Inside Man.¡±


    ¡°Or woman,¡± Bex offered. ¡°Or whoever. Basically the only way this all works is if there is some Player permanently hanging out in this Starter Zone without ever finishing the final quest.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re the lynchpin,¡± Shin agreed. ¡°This Player is the one who collects the Red corpses in Holding Satchels, hides them inside bags of trade goods, and then invites in other Players to unknowingly smuggle them into our city.¡±


    Bittercup rubbed at her temple. ¡°I get that someone could do all of that, Shin? But I find it hard to imagine any Player I¡¯ve ever met, let alone a Player who¡¯s Red or Red sympathetic or whatever, signing on for a shit job like that. They¡¯d just get bored and give up, wouldn¡¯t they?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d guess they¡¯re being paid somehow,¡± Bex mused, ¡°In something they can translate into real-world money. That, or they just really hate Shinki Itten.¡±


    ¡°Great,¡± Bittercup slumped back in her chair. ¡°I love both of those options.¡±


    ¡°You are right though, Bittercup.¡± Shin slipped back down into his seat. ¡°A Player like that would be incredibly rare, so I doubt we¡¯re talking about more than one. Maybe two.¡± The Schemer pounded his fist into his palm. ¡°We deal with the Inside Player, and we¡¯ve dealt with this problem.¡±


    Shita tilted her head. ¡°Deal with them how?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t know yet,¡± Shin admitted. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll decide once I get them within biting distance.¡±


    ¡°Can we even do that?¡± Gero seemed unsure. ¡°Aren¡¯t Starting Zones made to be that¡­whatever it is, that ¡®Instanced¡¯ stuff? That¡¯s why this was such a nasty plan; they¡¯re holed up where we can¡¯t ever get to them.¡±


    Bex perked up. ¡°Actually, that¡¯s why I¡¯ve been chatting with my friend this whole time.¡± She gestured grandly towards her messaging window. ¡°She¡¯s wanted to try Kingdoms of Magica for a while, so I suggested meeting up so I could help her through it. I¡¯ll have her pick the Starting Zone where all of this is going down, I¡¯ll temporarily sync to her level, and once we get to the end of the questline we should be in the same Phase as the Inside Player.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a great idea and all,¡± Hilde interjected, ¡°But we¡¯re all skipping past the most important step: Figuring out which Starting Zone¡±. The hobgoblin unfurled a map onto the council table, detailing Shinki Itten¡¯s section of the world. ¡°Based on the type of hats we¡¯re seeing on the patsies, the Starting Zone they¡¯re coming from is from something called ¡®Phase Five¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Phase Five, huh?¡± Bex considered that. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that¡¯s the Demon King storyline?¡±


    ¡°Maybe, but more importantly it¡¯s also when Quercus was formed, meaning all of these,¡±¨CShe indicated a half dozen or so marks in the territory between Shinki Itten and Quercus¨C¡±Are Phase Five Starting Zones within the distance that a new Player could travel to Shinki Itten in a day. So unless you have six or seven friends waiting around in the wings, it¡¯s going to take-¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about that,¡± Shin breezed, waving a dismissive hand. ¡°I¡¯ll find out which Starting Zone it is. Give me ten minutes.¡±


    Hilde stared at Shin for a moment. ¡°....You¡¯ll find out which Starting Zone it is.¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°In ten minutes.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    She began carefully rolling up her map. ¡°You don¡¯t know which one it is now?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± Shin admitted. ¡°I don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re going to find out, and it¡¯s going to take ten minutes.¡±


    The Schemer bobbled his head thoughtfully. ¡°Honestly? Maybe more like five.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Hilde held out the tightly rolled map to the rest of the gathered villagers. ¡°Anyone else who also thinks Shin is super fucking annoying should feel free to take this and hit him in the head with it.¡±


    Ten hands scrabbled for the improvised bludgeon, but Gero snatched it up first. ¡°Go and figure it out, then,¡± she declared, pointing the map at Shin, ¡°You want to leave tonight, right?¡±


    Shin nodded. ¡°And we should keep the group small, to minimize attention. Maybe four, not including Bex, so-¡±


    Gero smacked him on the top of the head with the map. ¡°Clock¡¯s ticking. Get going. We¡¯ll meet you at the gate.¡±


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    Gero bopped him again, Shin¡¯s ungainly scramble out of his chair and out through the door the only thing that saved him from a third punishment. Woof. It¡¯s almost like they had no appreciation for talents like his.


    To be fair, Shin was forced to admit to himself, he had the opposite problem and it wasn¡¯t so hot either. As soon as Hilde brought her guards¡¯ discovery to the council, the strange angles and arcane eddies of this scheme had immediately unfolded in his brain. Every twist clear, every turn a forgone conclusion, as if Shin was simply remembering something he¡¯d already known.


    Because Shin knew, knew in his bones, that if his and Glandem¡¯s positions had been reversed it was exactly the sort of plot he might have come up with. It was troubling, admiring the artistry of someone conspiring to destroy everything you love. To feel a sort of unsettling comradery with it.


    Shin could only thank the Goddess as he marched through the guardhouse and down into the sparsely populated Shinki Itten dungeon that he could cleanse his palate with some villainy he absolutely did not have to respect.


    Ceril had not exactly thrived under his original captivity, which had basically amounted to a strongly insisted upon vacation. Now that he was instead confined to a spartan cell with minimal access to the outside world, he was falling quite a ways short of even that bar. The perpetually haughty princeling was, frankly, a mess, his once-gleaming silver hair a birds¡¯ nest and his fine elven features noticeably sunken.


    He didn¡¯t even seem to notice Shin¡¯s approach, simply staring down at the bowl of porridge he couldn¡¯t bring himself to eat with hollow, defeated eyes.


    Couldn¡¯t have happened to a more deserving person, as far as Shin was concerned. But shocking as it was, Ceril had something Shin needed. If only the poor bastard knew; Shin had no doubts that the mere thought of having leverage would be more than enough to bring the arrogant spark back to the wayward elf¡¯s eyes.


    Wasn¡¯t going to happen, though.


    A sharp knock on the bars of his cell was enough to knock Ceril out of his grim reverie, the elf yelping in shock and flailing so wildly that he managed to send his entire bowl splattering to the other side of his cell. He thrust his spoon out shakily before him, as if it was a sword with which he might ward off this sudden ambush. Then his eyes adjusted, and he realized who it was. ¡°Oh. It¡¯s you.¡±


    ¡°Afraid so,¡± Shin confessed. ¡°Has anyone else been down here to visit you?¡±


    Ceril sniffed, setting his spoon down on his small table and adjusting it with unnecessary care. ¡°Yes. Maybe. You don¡¯t know. You don¡¯t know everything.¡±


    Too true. ¡°Well I do know that we¡¯re going to have to move you soon, so you should start gathering your things.¡± Shin gestured vaguely towards the sparse cell. ¡°Such as they are. The spoon and the bowl, I guess. Gather those up.¡±


    The spark began to sizzle in Ceril¡¯s eye. ¡°Oh? So you''ve finally realized that it is a crime and a sin to keep royalty in this shithouse? Did you receive a demand, perhaps, from my father, the King of all-¡±


    ¡°Ha! No.¡± Shin ran a hand lightly across the cell¡¯s bars, his fingers tapping out a small ping over every one. ¡°The Mods told me that this part of the Zone is going to be folded into the Instanced stuff, so we¡¯re moving you to a cell on the other side of the city.¡± The kobold tilted his head thoughtfully. ¡°It¡¯s actually a little smaller than this one, I think?¡±


    ¡°A little smaller?! How is that even possi¨C?!¡± Ceril¡¯s tirade fizzled out in his chest as the trap unsubtly set in Shin¡¯s words seized his mind. ¡°Instanced stuff? What do you mean, ¡®Instanced Stuff¡¯?¡±


    Good, Shin hadn¡¯t misremembered. Ceril was simultaneously a terrible liar and utterly without sincerity, meaning that even with the feebleness of his attempts at deception it was often difficult to know what he truly felt. But there was one emotion Ceril felt with real, genuine honesty: Fear. And when the prince had mistakenly thought that Shinki Itten might be a Starting Zone, that it might be some sort of Instanced content? He¡¯d shown unfeigned fear, clear as day.


    The hapless elf wasn¡¯t honest enough or imaginative enough to fear something he hadn¡¯t personally seen, not to that extent. What were the chances Glandem had control of two Starting Zones?


    Low enough that Shin was willing to take the risk, at least. And now the game had begun in earnest: If Ceril had actually been to Glandem¡¯s toy Starting Zone, could Shin get its information out of him without the elf being any the wiser?


    Of course he could. This wasn¡¯t even going to be chess. It was Rock Paper Scissors, and Ceril refused on principle to consider that he had any option that wasn¡¯t Rock.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know why you need to know,¡± Shin replied, allowing a smug lightness to color his tone. ¡°But I guess you might as well; it¡¯s not as if there¡¯s anyone else around here who¡¯d appreciate my efforts.¡± The kobold puffed out his chest, adopting an air of smug satisfaction. ¡°I¡¯ve been in talks with the people who rule this world, and I¡¯ve permanently secured the safety and stability of my Side. Within the week we¡¯ll be a officially re-classified as a Starting Zone, and¨C¡±


    ¡°NO!¡± The sheer violent volume of Ceril¡¯s desperate outburst took even Shin by surprise, the kobold recoiling as the imprisoned prince flung himself at the bars and tried his best to rip his way free. ¡°No, you can¡¯t DO that to me! You stupid goddamn animal!¡±


    ¡°H-Hey!¡± Shin stammered, not having to fake his shock. ¡°You can¡¯t talk like that to me!¡±


    ¡°Shut up!¡± Ceril snarled, his face a mask of outrage. ¡°You don¡¯t know! You don¡¯t know anything! A Starting Zone?! You¡¯re going to doom us all!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re just being dramatic,¡± Shin retorted, pursing his lips. ¡°What do you know, anyway? The Mods say Starting Zones are great!¡±


    ¡°Oh really? You fucking idiot? You stupid goddamn child? You think they¡¯re¨C¡± And then, in the second surprise of the conversation, Ceril screwed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. Wait, was he calming himself down? Was Ceril actually trying to collect his thoughts?


    Shit. Starting Zones really must be awful.


    Sure enough, when Ceril managed to speak again his voice was ragged, but less explosively confrontational. ¡°You don¡¯t know because you¡¯ve never seen one. How could you know? They are a nightmare. Believe me, Shin: You should not want this place to become a Starting Zone.¡±


    ¡°Um¡­hm.¡± Shin made a show of letting Ceril¡¯s uncharacteristically measured words sink in. ¡°Wellll~....I don¡¯t know. I mean, it¡¯s not like you¡¯ve actually seen a Starting Zone either, so you also don''t really know right?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know?! You absolutely brain-dead little-!!¡± Once again, Ceril managed to reign himself in. ¡°I have seen one, Shin. My father took me to a Starting Zone, once. I think he was considering having me run it or something.¡± The elf shivered at the thought, his eyes haunted. ¡°Thank the Gods he changed his mind. The people in that place¡­every single one of them was like that¡­uh, what¡¯s the name of that rancid trash can guy of yours. With the pigs.¡± Ceril squinted at Shin. ¡°Poops?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a whole town of Poops, Shin! They have all these problems, and dangers, and torments and they just, they just never go away.¡± Ceril dropped down onto his cot with a shudder. ¡°Trust me, Shin. You don¡¯t want your home to be anything like Brightly.¡±


    And there it was. A big fat Rock, smartly wrapped up in Paper. Just like a present.


    ¡°Well gosh, Ceril. You¡¯ve convinced me.¡± Shin offered the elf a shrug of defeat. ¡°I¡¯ll cancel the deal.¡±


    The elf let out a gasp of a breath. ¡°Oh thank the Gods. For once you listened to reason.¡±


    As much as it irked Shin to admit it, perhaps one present deserved another. ¡°Maybe I could talk to the guards. See about finding you some more room?¡±


    Ceril scoffed, his regal pride restored by the taste of victory on his lips. ¡°Ha! If you think you¡¯d be doing me a favor by giving me access to more of this mutt pile, you are sorely¨C¡±


    ¡°Okay nevermind then bye.¡±


    Goddess that hit the spot. Shin couldn¡¯t resist a bit of swagger in his gait as he strode out of the guardhouse, raising his voice to call out to the small group that was waiting for him. ¡°Well? Did I make it?¡±


    Bex tapped a finger against her summoned window. ¡°Seven minutes. Probably only earns you the silver.¡±


    Shin shrugged grandly. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means but I¡¯d look great in silver.¡± Hm. In addition to Bex, Momo and Gero, Mimi and Hanbun had come along. And, to Shin¡¯s momentary surprise, General Wren. ¡°Are you coming with us, general?¡±


    ¡°Thought I might,¡± the older elf replied. ¡°The destination¡¯s somewhere between here and Quercus, right? Well, I know that terrain better than anyone else in the city, so I¡¯m the best choice.¡± He adjusted the clasp of his cloak, turning his head to gaze out through the city gate. ¡°Besides. If this is a place Glandem runs, there¡¯ll be Oaken Elves of one stripe or another. I need to know the situation at home.¡±


    Right. Well, no arguing with any of that logic. Six was definitely too many people, though. ¡°Glad to have you, Wren. We¡¯re trying to run light, though, so I think Mimi should probably¨C¡±


    Momo spoke up. ¡°I¡¯m staying, Shin.¡± Before the other kobold could respond, the priestess pressed on. ¡°Shinki Itten is under too much strain for me to leave. I need to be here, day to day, to make sure that there is something you can all come back to.¡±


    Huh. Shin had to confess, he¡¯d taken Momo¡¯s presence as granted. But what she was saying made a lot of sense. Still, he couldn¡¯t keep his tail as high as he might have liked as he offered his friend a smile. ¡°You¡¯re right, of course. It¡¯s such a comfort that our home will be in good hands.¡± He shot a glance towards Mimasu. ¡°A good pair of hands, actually, because five is still too many so Mimi should¨C¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going either.¡±


    Shin furrowed his brow, tail sinking further as Gero¡¯s words sank in. The woman scowled down at the ground, unwilling to meet Shin¡¯s eyes as she grumbled. ¡°It¡¯s a diversion, I guess. They said that if I stayed, it might take Glandem longer to realize you left. Or something. I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Right.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    It suddenly occurred to Shin that he had never been in a different zone than Gero. Not once in their entire lives. Shin wasn¡¯t entirely sure how long a period of silent contemplation it took him to chew through that fact, but he suspected it might have been awkwardly long. He hadn¡¯t even noticed that Mimasu was taking notes. ¡°Well¡­feed my fish for me?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± Gero agreed with a faint sniff. ¡°Definitely.¡±


    ¡°And crush anyone who gets too close to them?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll crush them so much,¡± the woman exclaimed, finally lifting her head to meet Shin¡¯s eyes. ¡°I¡¯ll crush them right into the ground.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Good.¡± Can we muster up a bit more than that, Shin? ¡°Yes. That¡¯s good.¡±


    Wren gave Shin a reassuring clap on the shoulder as the kobold watched Momo and Gero turn away, his two oldest friends walking up the path and back into the city. Away from him. What other option did he have but to shoulder the travel bag that Hanbun offered him and turn in the opposite direction?


    The path was to Brightly, but Shin¡¯s heart was dark. The irony was deeply annoying. But Shin had to respect it.

 82. The Plom at the Beginning of the World

    Shin slept, but the System did not.


    Goddess but did he wish that he could swap that around, though. That it could be someone or something else¡¯s turn to waft restlessly through this void beyond reality itself every single night. To ignore the banal prattling of bored, uncaring demigods on one side and the increasingly insistent thrum of that damn symbol on the other, its promises of unwanted knowledge becoming more and more of a demand.


    Though it wasn¡¯t as if there was much hope of him getting a restful nights¡¯ sleep even without his nocturnal trials. It was going to take at least another day¡¯s travel for their group to reach Brightly, and that meant camping out. Shin could handle the out of doors, yes, but a sleeping pile that consisted of three kobolds and Bex just wasn¡¯t the same.


    Maybe if they¡¯d managed to convince Wren to join in. The old elf insisted on keeping watch. Elves are weird. Blah.


    With as close to a sigh as he could manage while fully discorporated, Shin grudgingly turned his attention towards where the Leash emerged from the dense emptiness of that place.


    The Leash. Why was that the term his brain insisted on dredging up for the damn thing? It was just a pair of concentric circles, the inner pure white and the outer pitch black. Really that made it more of a Ring, right? Or an Eclipse!


    Let¡¯s start calling it The Eclipse, Shin suggested to his own Brain. That¡¯s a reasonable compromise, right?


    No, declared Shin¡¯s Brain, with the finality of a stated fact. It is The Leash. The Man from the Memory called Magica The Leashed World, and so that is The Leash.


    Alright well Shin was having an argument with his own consciousness now, and he was losing that argument, so the kobold could only shrug and accept that he¡¯d officially gone insane. Frankly, it was something of a relief to get something, anything really, conclusively settled. It wasn¡¯t the sturdiest rock to build a foundation upon, but Shin knew he wasn¡¯t exactly in a position to be too choosy.


    That only left one path forward, didn¡¯t it? So with all the confidence of someone who knows they¡¯re making a bad choice but no longer cares, Shin reached out with his non-existent arm and pressed his not-a-hand into the center circle of The Leash.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡°¨Cthink we¡¯re next, do you?¡± Abby seems anxious, and it¡¯s hard to blame her. ¡°I mean, if they can fire Gwen¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think we need to worry,¡± Lakshmi shrugs, the wheels of her desk chair squeaking as she rolls over to join the huddle. ¡°Besides, are we even sure Gwen got fired fired? I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s just getting some sort of lateral promotion to another project.¡±


    You¡¯re not so certain about that. The look on Gwen¡¯s face when she left her meeting with The Higher Ups did not scream ¡®I¡¯m Looking Forward to my New Opportunity¡¯. It was a lot more ¡®I Need to Go Print Out a Bunch of Resumes¡±.


    ¡°God I hate new bosses.¡± Abby grimaces at her reflection in your powered-down monitor, eyes darting to her septum ring and buzzed to nearly bald head. ¡°Think they¡¯ll make a big deal about the work attire policy? You know how most manager types are. Don¡¯t know shit about code or the real guts of development, so they just jump on any little thing they do understand and make it a huge deal.¡±


    ¡°Maybe we''ve got some good news on that front, guys.¡± Jay¡¯s a little out of breath as he leans over the cubicle, an unexpected gleam in his eye. ¡°I just came from the lobby and I think I saw who they¡¯re sending. It¡¯s Arnaud.¡±


    Lakshmi blinks. ¡°Arnaud? That Arnaud? Assault on Outer Worlds Arnaud?¡±


    Jay nods and Abby lets out a whistle. ¡°I thought he was retired or something?¡±


    ¡°Me too. But apparently not, and apparently we¡¯re his next project.¡±


    Jesus. This changes things. You thought Gwen was good at her job, and certainly wish her the best? But Assault on Outer Worlds started out as some obscure little thing Mundi used for in-house security training. Then Arnaud got involved, and it became the single biggest game ever. Maybe even the single biggest step forward in how the world interacted with media ever.


    And now he¡¯s getting involved with Kingdoms of Magica? That tells you two things: the High Ups expect this project to be another world-changing success, and they aren¡¯t taking any risks about it.


    You¡¯d better not take any risks either. ¡°Well let¡¯s not just be standing around when he gets here, right? Everyone back to your stations.¡± You reach into your desk drawer and fish out a lint roller, waving it at Lakshmi before she can leave. ¡°Want to give yourself a quick once over?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± The woman scans herself, plucking a wad of scraggly fur off of her sleeve. ¡°There, got it.¡±


    ¡°Not even close.¡± You waggle the roller at her again. ¡°You are absolutely covered in cat hair.¡±


    ¡°Purrsephone has been stressed.¡± Wow, she¡¯s only run it down one arm and it¡¯s already coming back like a shag carpet. ¡°She¡¯s on seven different medications and is still recovering from her surgery.¡±


    ¡°I have no idea how you always manage to find the sickest cats in existence.¡±


    ¡°They find me.¡± Lakshmi¡¯s brow is furrowed, the lint roller looking like the most revolting stick of cotton candy you¡¯ve ever seen. ¡°They need me.¡±


    God you hope Arnaud isn¡¯t allergic to cats. If the Magica team sends Mundi¡¯s most successful developer into anaphylactic shock you¡¯re definitely all getting shitcanned.


    Okay. Monitor on, System loading and¡­perfect timing. Your current project is pulled up, you¡¯re already deep into the thick of it, and the voice that you hear coming down into your workstation sounds legitimately intrigued. ¡°What¡¯re you working on?¡±Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    You glance up. Huh. That¡¯s one normal looking dude, pushing up his normal-looking glasses as he peers down at your screen. From the stories you¡¯d heard, you were expecting some sort of hybrid between Steve Jobs and Hunter S. Thompson. ¡°Flora and Fauna Generation.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± The man (Arnaud, right? Gotta be) slips around your cubicle wall and into your station, leaning in to get a better look. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re using The System to code this?¡±


    He knows about The System, too? Wow, the Higher Ups actually attached a manager to a project he understands. You thought that was, like, a violation of corporate ethics or something.


    He¡¯s clearly interested, and you¡¯re pretty eager to talk about it so that suits you just fine. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve been really digging into what we can do with this. The System goes way beyond any sort of procedural or AI-generated content we¡¯ve ever worked with. Look,¡±¨CYou swivel away on your chair, giving the man easier access to what you¡¯re working on¨C¡±By creating a few dozen Keystone plants and creatures, The System can extrapolate that out into an entire functional ecosystem. Wild, right?¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Arnaud adjusts his glasses. ¡°What do you have for Keystones so far?¡±


    ¡°So far? Well just this for right now.¡± You punch a few commands into your rig, and a large purple fruit appears rotating on the screen. ¡°I¡¯m calling it a ¡®Plom¡¯. Name¡¯s not final.¡±


    ¡°A Plom.¡± Arnaud glances over at you. ¡°Is that like a plum?¡±


    ¡°I mean, sort of? It¡¯s bigger and the taste is a kinda off, and the blossoms are sort of¨C¡±


    ¡°So it¡¯s like the bargain brand version of a plum. The bagged-cereal version of a plum. A community theater production of a plum.¡± Arnaud pushes his glasses up again. ¡°How long have you been working on ''Ploms''?¡±


    This has taken a bad turn. ¡°Um. I mean, The System wants pretty granular input. We¡¯re building from the level of DNA here; that doesn¡¯t happen overnight.¡±


    ¡°Okay, so it happens over how many overnights?¡±


    ¡°...Like a week?¡±


    ¡°Wow, cool.¡± Arnaud straightens up, raising his voice as he claps his hands together. ¡°Alright people, I know you¡¯re already listening in, so how about we group up real quick? I promise that this isn¡¯t going to take long.¡±


    God that sounded ominous. Do you have a cardboard box big enough to hold all of your shit? You might have to abandon your desk calendar.


    Arnaud pulls a slip of paper from his shirt pocket as the others shuffle over, giving it a quick scan before looking back up at the others. ¡°Right. You¡¯re Lakshmi?¡± The woman nods hesitantly, already freshly festooned with cat hair from her work station.


    ¡°Abebi?¡± You don¡¯t miss that Abby has surreptitiously removed her septum ring and donned a headscarf, looking practically conservative as she raises her hand in acknowledgement.


    ¡°You¡¯re Doug, we just met. Hello again, Doug.¡± He pats you on the head before glancing back down at his paper. ¡°Soo¡­¡± Arnaud frowns, squinting an eye at the final person. ¡°Cee Yo June? I¡¯m definitely saying that wrong.¡±


    The other man clears his throat. ¡°You can just call me Jay, it¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°No I¡¯ll get it right eventually. So!¡± Arnaud jerks a thumb towards your screen. ¡°Ploms, huh? What do we think, gang?¡±


    Somehow you don¡¯t think you¡¯re being invited to offer your opinion on the matter. Jay and Abby don¡¯t seem to know how to respond, but Lakshmi speaks up. ¡°I think they¡¯re fascinating.¡±


    Arnaud cocks an eyebrow. ¡°Really? How so?¡±


    ¡°Because it¡¯s not like the usual work, he didn¡¯t just stretch a purple apple mesh over a wire frame ball or something. Doug¡¯s created what is, on nearly every level, an actual thing. Are you trying to say that isn¡¯t fascinating?¡±


    God you could kiss her. And really, really want to kiss her, even despite her nightmare cat scenario. Ugh you''re maybe getting fired, this is the worst possible time for that thought.


    Your new boss seems a little less convinced. ¡°I almost agree with you. Almost. What¡¯s truly fascinating are the tools being used here, not what they actually created. Here, budge up.¡± You grudgingly stand up as Arnaud slips into your chair, fingers already clacking away at your keyboard as he enters new commands. ¡°But you¡¯re dead on about one thing: Our Doug has created something out of nothing. So what does that make him?¡±


    What does that make¡­huh? ¡°I don¡¯t understand the question?¡±


    ¡°Well that¡¯s disappointing, Doug, because it was a five-word question.¡± Arnaud is already multiple pages deep into new code, and your eyes are having trouble keeping up. ¡°Anyone else have a guess?¡±


    Abby helplessly shrugs. ¡°Uh, he¡¯s a coder right?¡±


    ¡°Wrong; absolutely wrong. It makes him a God.¡± Arnaud shoots you a sideways grin that strikes you as singularly uncollegial. ¡°A very dull God, to be specific, because he¡¯s used his ultimate powers of creation to give us a bad piece of fruit.¡± He hits Enter, and your monitor is filled with the whirling deluge of unreadable data that signifies The System is busy. ¡°There.¡±


    ¡°There what?¡± Jay scratches his head. ¡°What did you just do?¡±


    ¡°I just finished Flora and Fauna Generation for Doug. Told The System to copy and paste Earth¡¯s ecosystems, as well as ripping off the bestiaries of the five most popular fantasy IPs in the world. Plus ploms; didn¡¯t want to waste Doug¡¯s weeks of work. Took like thirty seconds. The System will have it all processed and done in a few days.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The other three coders share a curious look. ¡°It can do that?¡±


    ¡°Woof, I guess we¡¯re all learning today aren¡¯t we. Anyways, don¡¯t be discouraged Doug.¡± Arnaud reaches up to pat you on the head again, and you¡¯ve never been more certain that you hate a man. ¡°You¡¯re the only person on this team so far who¡¯s even dipped a toe into what The System is truly capable of. They¡¯re all still thinking like coders, but you at least see that we¡¯re working with more powerful tools here.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, I guess.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re very welcome.¡± Arnaud pushes up his glasses. ¡°But you need to think a little bigger, okay? No one is going to jump into our painstakingly shaped world so they can eat shittier versions of fruit they can eat at home. You don¡¯t need to worry about the little details, just so long as you make sure the big details are rad as hell. Get me?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I do.¡±


    ¡°Fantastic. And that definitely goes for all of you, okay?¡± Arnaud gestures grandly towards your screen, still whirling with activity as it remakes an entire world. ¡°Stop thinking like coders. This world¡­¡± He glances up at Lakshmi. ¡°What did they decide to call it?¡±


    ¡°Kingdoms of Magica.¡±


    That prompts a burst of laughter. ¡°Seriously? That name is so stupid. How fucking perfect.¡± He gazes down at the monitor, and you can¡¯t help sensing a change in his demeanor. ¡°This Magica is ours, to do whatever we want with. It¡¯s our prize. The reward for all of our efforts. So everyone¡¯s job for the next few days is to sit at your desks and think up whatever you can that is more interesting than ploms, okay?¡±


    You had so many other ideas for fruit. Better hide that list before Arnaud spots it. ¡°And then what?¡±


    ¡°And then, The System will have finished remaking our piece of the world, and we get to go inside.¡± Arnaud pushes up his glasses, a wolfish glint to his smile. ¡°And I show all of you how being a God is done.¡±

 83. Esteemed

    ¡°Isn¡¯t that wrong one, Shin?¡±


    Shin had been a literal world away, still chewing over the memory he¡¯d lived during the night. ¡°Eh? Sorry, what¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re doing the wrong one. See?¡± Mimasu paused weaving the other kobold¡¯s hair, giving the simple weave he¡¯d been forming a little waggle. ¡°Why are you doing the formal knot?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± Shin looked down at his own hands, still full of Hanbun¡¯s pale yellow locks, finally noticing he had absent-mindedly drifted away from the casual braid that would have been most appropriate for their circumstances. ¡°Right. Distracted. Sorry..¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind,¡± the guard shrugged, still working on braiding Mimasu¡¯s hair herself. ¡°I¡¯m used to it anyways; Banken pretty much live in the formal knot. Structure, discipline, all that. Even the hobgoblins wear it.¡±


    Wren scratched at his day¡¯s growth of beard, squinting an eye down at the three kobolds¡¯ hair-braiding daisy chain. ¡°Not in the business of telling people their business, but a shorter haircut¡¯d probably shorten your mornings a touch.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s precisely the point,¡± Mimasu lectured, putting the final flourish on Shin¡¯s braid. ¡°We wear our hair long because it turns our mornings into deliberate acts of community and consideration. It¡¯s civilized!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s old fashioned is what it is,¡± Hanbun admitted. ¡°But it¡¯s good to keep tradition alive, right?¡±


    Bex flipped her own smartly trimmed bob cut as she grumbled down at Shin. ¡°Yeah, well, if a certain someone had given me the heads up when I was finishing Character Creation that long hair was such a cultural touchstone for kobolds, I¡¯d have gone with someone longer than chin-length. Mine¡¯s taking forever to grow out.¡± She huffed in half-genuine annoyance. ¡°Can¡¯t believe that Hair Salon Kits cost a whole Royal Coin.¡±


    Hanbun grinned at the peeved Player, waiting for Shin to finish re-tying her hair. ¡°It¡¯s fine, Bex. You¡¯re a warrior; warriors wear their hair short.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a warrior,¡± Wren pointed out. ¡°Your hair isn¡¯t short.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s a Banken,¡± Shin retorted, still distracted. ¡°It¡¯s different.¡±


    ¡°Banken have a dozen official and ceremonial duties,¡± Mimasu clarified, ¡°each with its own formal braid. And then there are braids for social duties, life milestones, personal declarations¡­a kobold who has cut their hair short is declaring that they will spurn all facets of life besides a single one.¡± He perked up as an example struck him. ¡°Like Gero! A warrior like her would never even consider needing a braid for courtship or anything of that nature. They either make war, or they don¡¯t make war. No room for anything else.¡± Mimasu beamed at Shin. ¡°Right?


    Shin did his best not to clack his teeth, failing miserably. ¡°You don¡¯t do anything but take notes, Mimi. Why don¡¯t you cut off your braid.¡±


    Mimasu sighed. ¡°I know, traditionally speaking I really should, but¡­¡±¨CHe sighed again, toying with his braid¨C¡±No, I couldn¡¯t. I like being fancy too much.¡±


    Ugh. Whatever. Not even Mimasu being Mimasu could distract Shin long enough for the memory of last night to slip from the foreground of his mind. It was¡­sticking more than it did the first time. After his first Leash-granted vision, the sense of actually being someone else, someone who lived a life incomparable to his, had quickly faded away. He¡¯d been shaken, but he was back to himself quickly enough.


    Now? He wasn¡¯t sure. It felt different this time. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still feel the conflicts within Doug¡¯s state of mind. His initial respect and budding dislike for his new boss. His longing for and slight revulsion towards that cat hair festooned lady. His embarrassment for and stubborn defensiveness over ploms.


    It was hard enough being Shin. The kobold did not have the emotional stamina to be someone else, too.


    ¡°Well as long as we¡¯re talking about what people should be doing,¡± Hanbun cut in, rising with a hand on her hilt as Shin finally finished with her hair. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t those Players have ambushed us by now? I don¡¯t think we could have made ourselves more tempting targets than this.¡± She sniffed thoughtfully at the air. ¡°Are they even still there?¡±


    Before Shin could respond, a voice growled out from the brush. ¡°We killed them. It was taking too long.¡±


    Bex groaned at that, holding herself up by the haft of her halberd as she slumped over. ¡°Oh come on; we had a whole thing planned!¡±


    ¡°No,¡± the voice barked, the blood-soaked Wild Daughter it belonged to emerging into view. ¡°You spent too long talking about hair. We got bored. The Players got bored. You see this?¡± She gestured towards the fresh Player viscera staining her weatherbeaten clothing. ¡°This is boredom blood. It¡¯s all bland and shit. Only cure for that is a good stabbing, either giving or taking.¡±


    The Wild Daughter, Shin couldn¡¯t help noticing, had cut her own hair so close that she was nearly bald. That was about as definitive a statement as they came. Higen¡¯s taste for contemptuously dramatic gestures was alive and well in the hearts of his kin, it seemed.


    Still, there was information to be gathered even if their plans had been preempted. Shin took a peek into the underbrush, catching a few moments of inspection before the ruins of the Red Players¡¯ bodies could start to vanish. Hm. ¡°Hey Bex?¡±


    ¡°Yeah? What¡¯s oh bleh!¡± Bex recoiled as the catastrophes that had once been living bodies came into view. ¡°Jesus Christ.¡±


    ¡°I told you,¡± the Wild Daughter deadpanned. ¡°Boredom blood. Gotta get it all out.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s up with their gear?¡± Shin inquired. ¡°That doesn¡¯t look like the Starting Zone stuff the others had on.¡±


    ¡°Oh. No, it doesn¡¯t.¡± Bex frowned. ¡°That¡¯s¡­hm. See that sword?¡±


    ¡°Kinda.¡± Shin crouched, squinting at the weapon as it began to fizzle and fade away. ¡°What about it?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s from a premium currency Guild Starter Kit. I think all of their stuff is.¡± Bex chewed on her lip. ¡°Red Players with a Guild Kit. That¡¯s wild.¡±Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°I¡¯m surprised they can even buy stuff with Royal Coins.¡±


    ¡°What? Of course they can.¡± Bex quirked an eyebrow at Shin. ¡°Mundi would never stop someone from giving them money, for any reason. But Guild Kits are expensive. They must have split the costs. At least a dozen of them, probably more.¡±


    ¡°Is that so strange?¡±


    ¡°Oh, absolutely. It¡¯s like that thing you¡¯re doing with the Time Out Room for Profession Quest trolls.¡± Bex gestured towards what remained of the Red Player corpses, now little more than an outline. ¡°If even one of these guys decided to screw over the others, they couldn¡¯t have bought a Kit. But apparently not one of them did.¡±


    Mimasu hummed in concern, still fiddling with his braid. ¡°They¡¯re getting more organized. That¡¯s not good, is it?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not,¡± Shin confirmed. ¡°We¡¯d better hurry to Brightly.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    The village of Brightly was warm and bustling, a shining little bastion of good people living honest lives, and it was the worst place Shin had ever been.


    He¡¯d known going in that the people there wouldn¡¯t be like him and the others from Shinki Itten. Wouldn¡¯t be ¡°Procedural¡±, or whatever term the world wanted to use for real living people. Brightly was like Magica City, a carefully curated puppet show rather than an actual place where people actually lived, and as disturbing as Shin had found that experience in the capital he¡¯d thought he was prepared for it now.


    But in Magica City, there were thousands of Players to draw the System¡¯s attention. In Brightly, it was only Bex. And the System wanted to make sure Bex knew how much It appreciated her.


    ¡°¨CAnything at all, and I mean it!¡± the Mayor of Brightly enthused, shaking the embarrassed Player¡¯s arm with as much gusto as he could manage. ¡°My wife and I can¡¯t thank you enough! Can we, cabbage?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± the Mayor¡¯s little wife demurred. ¡°We can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Anything we can do for our hero!¡± The Mayor¡¯s grin was far too wide. ¡°BexMex, the Hero of Brightly!¡±


    It had been a nonstop parade of this. The villagers of Brightly seemed to mostly go about their daily chores and personal lives, but as soon as Bex got within twenty paces of any of them? They stopped whatever they were doing and immediately rushed over to thank the girl for finding their lost sheep, or collecting those rare flower petals, or killing fifty grundleflies, or any number of other tasks that had seemingly solved every problem they had in their lives.


    Nevermind that Bex had never even been to Brightly before. She outleveled the content here, and apparently that meant that canonically she had been the one to save everyone here. Shin had non idea what ¡®canon¡¯ was, but he knew that he hated it.


    Oh shit the Mayor was looking at Shin again. ¡°Did she tell you? About how she rescued my wife from those awful cultists?¡± Oh blugh eye contact. ¡°Did she tell you?¡±


    Bex cut in before Shin had to open his mouth and risk flooding the entire village with an ocean of vomit. ¡°Yeah I did but hey I gotta go.¡± She pulled up a prompt, starting to type out a message as she turned away from the two. ¡°So, uh, goodbye.¡±


    Luckily, the villagers had clearly been scripted to recognize and not take offense at the cold shoulder. The Mayor and his wife cheerfully thanked Bex again before scampering back into their house, prompting a group shudder from the kobolds the moment their backs were turned.


    Even the typically stoic Wren was clearly unnerved. ¡°Trees-damned hell,¡± the general swore, mopping the cold sweat from his brow. ¡°I¡¯ve never been around¡­¡±¨CHe seemed to be struggling with the word ¡®people¡¯¨C¡±I¡¯ve never been somewhere like this. What¡¯s wrong with their eyes?¡±


    ¡°I know exactly what it reminds me off,¡± Hanbun declared, her hackles fully on end as she glanced over at Shin. ¡°You remember them. At the fortress?¡±


    Of course he did. And she was right. Every time Shin looked into the eyes of one of Brightly¡¯s scripted villagers, it was like he was staring into the glass eyes of the stuffed mongrel they¡¯d found in the guard camp. Empty. Unthinking. Their souls stolen.


    Only these stuffed mongrels walked around like they were still people. The guards that had tormented them for generations could have never matched the System for depravity.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have to stay here, do we?¡± Mimasu asked, his voice a faint whine and his notes quill fully stowed away. ¡°Aren¡¯t we supposed to go to the starting version of this place? Or something? Anything has got to be better than this.¡±


    ¡°When my friend gets here and I sync to her level, we¡¯ll get pulled into the Instanced version of the Zone. And, um, on that note,¡±¨CBex sent her message, a sheepish look on her face as she closed the window¨C¡±My friend. I didn¡¯t¡­exactly tell her what we were doing here?¡±


    Hanbun tilted her head. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°I mean I didn¡¯t tell her at all what we¡¯re doing here,¡± Bex confessed, her ears turning red. ¡°She thinks we¡¯re just meeting up so I can show her the game. I¡¯d love it if we could keep it that way?¡±


    Hmm. Shin was getting a whiff of something here. ¡°Sure, Bex, whatever you want. Why, though?¡±


    The girl shrugged, her slight frown anxious as she downcast her eyes. ¡°I dunno, I mean, we¡¯ve only been chatting for a few weeks. But it¡¯d be cool if she had a good time, so we could maybe start hanging out in Magica. She kept saying she couldn¡¯t try it, because her Mom¡¯s really strict, but she finally said yes this time and¡­¡± The girl shrugged. ¡°Yeah, I dunno. She¡¯s cool. I just don¡¯t want her to think I¡¯m just using her, even if it¡¯s to help you guys.¡±


    Aw. ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± Shin promised. ¡°We¡¯ll do our best not to-¡±


    Bex threw open her message window almost before the alert could even ring out, her nerves evaporating into giddy excitement. ¡°Omigod she¡¯s here! Okay, okay. Okay.¡± She whirled on her feet, then turned back, then spun right back around once more and rushed for the village entrance, calling back over her shoulder. ¡°Gimme two seconds first and then come meet us, okay? Okay thanks great!¡±


    ¡°Mm.¡± Wren folded his arms, tapping a finger thoughtfully against one bicep. ¡°Your Player friend seems smitten.¡±


    ¡°Yep,¡± Shin agreed. ¡°I know someone who is going to be less than thrilled.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Mimasu tilted his head. ¡°Who?¡±


    Before Shin could reply, the sounds of Bex excitedly calling for them rang out from down the path. ¡°Well, that¡¯s our cue. Shall we?¡±


    Whatever Bex¡¯s concerns had been, they clearly vanished the moment her friend was actually in front of her. The sound of excited chattering was obvious long before they were even close enough to make out what was being said, but as the Shinki Itten group neared it was clear that Bex¡¯s friend was equally thrilled to be meeting her.


    ¡°¨CSaid I had to pick it to get this Starting Zone so whatever but I think it¡¯s cool, right?¡±


    ¡°No totally, elves are great! Your ears though!¡±


    ¡°Right?! There were like a billion million types of elves so I just picked the last one; apparently they¡¯re Wanwan Elves and they¡¯re new and they have floppy ears and shit. So hey this is Magica! This is so awesome!¡±


    ¡°Right?! It¡¯s just like being, oh! Oh, hey guys!¡± Bex furiously waved to the group. ¡°This is her!¡± She grinned back at the pallid little elf, whose ears were indeed long and wobbly. ¡°These are the in-world friends I told you about, Cho. Let me introduce you!¡±


    She needn¡¯t have bothered. At least not with Shin. Even in the kit of a new Player, even as an elf, Shin wouldn¡¯t mistake the pale skin and inky hair, the features that called to mind one of his oldest friends, or the big dark eyes that sparked with a hint of panic as they recognized him as well.


    Bex¡¯s new friend was Rippana Choujo, the Esteemed Daughter and Avatar of Tasaan Okaa, and she was somehow a Player as well.


    Shin couldn¡¯t help noticing that, even as an elf, she¡¯d braided her hair. Huh. Courtship knot. At least he could tell Momo that her divine daughter was doing her part to keep their traditions alive.

 84. Otherwise Known as Cho the Great

    The Schemer and the Goddess stared at one another for a tense moment, and then wordlessly reached a unanimous, perhaps even divinely-inspired agreement to lie their asses off.


    ¡°Oh hey yeah! These guys!¡± Cho exclaimed, throwing up the hood of her coat to cover her braid. ¡°From the place you¡¯re always hanging out in, right?¡±


    Bex grinned, completely oblivious to the metaphysical shenanigans she¡¯d become unwittingly complicit in. ¡°Yeah, Shinki Itten! This is Hanbun,¡±¨Cthe kobold waved, equally unaware that anything was amiss¨C¡±This is Mimi,¡±¨Cthe scribe managed a small bow between furious note-taking¨C¡±This is Wren,¡±¨Cthe general nodded, perhaps a slight questioning quirk to his typically stoic expression¨C¡±and this is Shin!¡±


    ¡°Right, Shin!¡± Cho jumped in, cutting off any opportunity from Shin to take control of the conversation, ¡°Gosh, Bex has told me all about you. How you¡¯re just a great guy, a great friend. So loyal.¡± The demigod-come-Player¡¯s pleasant smile spread. ¡°You¡¯d do anything for a friend right? Or family? Right?¡±


    The glint in Cho¡¯s eye was unmistakable: equal parts plea for assistance and promise of divine retribution.


    Well, Shin internally sighed, never let it be said that he was unable to read the room. ¡°Any friend of Bex¡¯s is a friend of mine,¡± he proclaimed, offering Cho a shake that the elf quickly accepted. ¡°I¡¯m glad you could join us! Bex said you hadn¡¯t been able to meet up because your mother was a bit strict? I¡¯m glad she finally said yes!¡± Shin perked his ears in concern. ¡°Oh, she did say yes, didn¡¯t she? I mean, did you let her know you were doing this?¡±


    Cho¡¯s fingers tightened around his. ¡°She¡¯s out of town right now. It¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, does she not know?¡± Bex seemed concerned. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to get in trouble, though¡­¡±


    The elf trilled her lips, shooting the other girl a cheeky smile. ¡°Oh nah, she won¡¯t find out! Unless one of your friends here tells her! Haha!¡± Her grip tightened even further. ¡°But that couldn¡¯t ever happen, could it Shin.¡±


    Shin knew, knew with every fiber of his being, that if he answered this question incorrectly he was absolutely going to Hell when he died. ¡°You¡¯re right, of course. Couldn¡¯t happen. And even if it was possible,¡±¨Che offered Cho a wink¨C¡±I never could stand a tattle-tale.¡±


    Wren cleared his throat, not sure precisely what was going on here but instinctively understanding the benefit in moving on. ¡°So what¡¯s next? We¡¯re still in the normal version of the town.¡±


    ¡°Oh, right, sorry,¡± Bex pulled open her Character Screen, flicking through a few windows. ¡°I need to go find the Rewind Manager before I can put myself into level sync with Cho. They usually hide those in some corner of the zone¡¯s tavern so¡¯s not to break immersion.¡±


    ¡°Over there.¡± Shin nodded towards a cozy-looking building on the other side of the, a sign depicting a unicorn-horned pig rampant in silver on a field of red dangling from its portico. ¡°That¡¯s probably it, right?¡±


    Hanbun squinted towards the building. ¡°¡®The Swine Before Pearls¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Yeah that¡¯s definitely it,¡± Bex agreed, starting in that direction. ¡°I¡¯ll be right back,¡± she called over her shoulder to Cho, ¡°I¡¯m so glad we¡¯re doing this!¡±


    Cho called back, the tail she non longer had wagging so hard that Shin could almost see it. ¡°Me too!¡±


    As the girls continued to wave their very temporary goodbyes to each other, Shin turned his attention to his three companions. ¡°You should do one last sweep of the general area,¡± he suggested, keeping his voice low. ¡°Make sure there aren¡¯t any Players or goons of Glandem skulking around.¡±


    ¡°We should get eyes on the graveyard, too,¡± Hanbun offered, already moving in that direction. ¡°I¡¯ll scout it out.¡±


    Wren took a glance towards the perimeter. ¡°Unless the Rangers have significantly improved their discipline, I think we¡¯d have noticed any of them by now. Too cocky, too flashy. Still, I can check it out.¡± He jerked a thumb towards Mimasu. ¡°Is he with me?¡±


    ¡°Oh! Oh, I should stay right?¡± The scribe seemed surprised by the idea that there was any other possibility, tilting his head at Shin. ¡°Right?¡±


    The Schemer shrugged. ¡°Personally I¡¯m a bit surprised you didn¡¯t go with Bex. I figured you¡¯d want to take notes on whatever a ¡®Rewind Manager¡¯ does.¡±


    Mimasu blinked, and then immediately rushed after the departing Player. ¡°Bex! Bex wait! I¡¯m getting out a new scroll! Bex!¡±


    Shin dropped his voice again as the others departed, trusting that the other kobolds despite their Enhanced Senses were less inclined towards eaves-dropping than he was. ¡°I was right, wasn¡¯t I?¡±


    Cho took a deep sniff, her brow furrowed, then shook it off and looked back at Shin. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°I told you that she¡¯d like you a lot, too.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± The girl couldn¡¯t resist a bashful smile as she dropped her hood, reaching up to undo her braid. ¡°Yeah, um, you did. Thanks, Uncle Shin.¡±


    ¡°Okay so how about to thank me you tell me how the hell you¡¯re here now? And how the hell you¡¯re a Player now?¡±


    The goddess scrunched her eyebrows, shooting Shin a look. ¡°What do you mean?¡± She shook her hair loose, reaching up to push her choppy bangs out from her face. ¡°I did it the same way they do.¡±


    ¡°The same way¡­¡± Shin tilted his head. ¡°The same way who does? Who is ¡®They¡¯?¡±


    ¡°They. Them.¡± Cho motioned towards the tavern and Bex with her chin, ¡°The Players? I logged into Kingdoms of Magica and now I¡¯m a Player and an elf.¡±A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    That was, without a doubt, the single most baffling thing Shin had ever heard. ¡°How is that even possible? The Players are from an entire different world! Don¡¯t they need, like¡­other world stuff to get here?¡±


    ¡°Dunno,¡± Cho shrugged, infuriatingly nonplussed. ¡°My room is pretty much a different world from Magica, too. Just, like, one that¡¯s a few dozen layers closer.¡± She held up a warning finger. ¡°But before you ask, I¡¯m pretty sure it only worked because I¡¯m, you know. A Goddess or whatever. Don¡¯t think you could sit in my room and do it, too, so don¡¯t Scheme bigger than your stomach.¡±


    He had to admit, that had been the first thought to cross his mind. Not that Shin would tell her that; how dare Cho so accurately accuse him of something? Before the kobold could deny the charge, though, he became aware of the hair rising on the back of his neck. His defensive retort suffocated in his throat the world immediately around him began to shudder and groan, as if existence was collapsing in on itself to¨C


    ¡°Go on, shoo!¡± Cho clapped her hands, glaring at what Shin supposed was the reality around them. ¡°Mind your own damn business!¡± Reluctantly, or as reluctantly as an unknowable supernatural force can manage at least, the world slipped back into its normal position. The girl huffed, blowing a strand of hair out from before her face. ¡°So dumb. You okay Uncle Shin?¡±


    Uh, hm. Yes. He had clutched at his chest at some point, and his throat was unbearably dry, but Shin decided that he probably was okay. ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± he answered, once he¡¯d taken a quick swallow. ¡°What was¡­?¡¯


    ¡°Just the System being a dork.¡± Cho rolled her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s all pissy that I¡¯m doing this; I had to bully it really hard before it would let me make Elf Me.¡± She hummed, a thought striking her. ¡°ElfMe. That might have been a good handle. Better than ChoChoChoCho2 anyway.¡±


    As insane as all of this was, Shin had to confess he felt a stir of pride at the thought of his divine niece standing boldly in her room, browbeating the stuff of creation into letting her hang out with her crush. That mental image led him to a new concern, however. ¡°So wait, what about your original body, then? Is it just lying unconscious in your room now? What happens when Momo walks in and finds you like that?¡±


    The girl scoffed. ¡°You don¡¯t think I thought of that? That won¡¯t happen.¡± She tapped a finger to her temple. ¡°I put my saddest albums on and turned the music up real loud. She won¡¯t work up the nerve to bug me for at least a couple days.¡±


    Shin wasn¡¯t certain what annoyed him more: how weak that plan was, or that it would probably work. ¡°...Look, I¡¯ll keep this from your mother, but when this is all over you¡¯re going to have to give me some better answers than that.¡±


    ¡°Soon, okay? Just¡­¡± She let out a breath, then gave Shin a beseeching look. ¡°After we do all of this, okay? Just let me hang out with Bex, just as another normal girl, and when we¡¯re back home you can ask me whatever you want.¡± She raised her hand, pinky finger outstretched. ¡°Deal?¡±


    It was the first time Shin had ever seen the gesture, but he found himself instinctively reaching out to hook his pinky finger around hers. ¡°Okay, Cho. Deal.¡±


    ¡°Yes~!¡± The elf squealed in glee, throwing her arms around Shin in a big hug. ¡°This is going to be so great Uncle Shin! I can¡¯t wait to see how you totally dunk on that dick Glandem.¡± She pulled back, her tone now accusatory. ¡°You¡¯ve got a plan, right? You aren¡¯t just going to just pull all of this out of your butt, are you?¡±


    ¡°I mean, I¡¯ve got the beginning of a plan,¡± Shin replied, ¡°and the ending. It¡¯s just the middle that¡¯s a bit¡­wobbly.¡±


    Cho waved a hand dismissively. ¡°That¡¯s totally enough; no one needs the middle part. You¡¯ve got two thirds of a plan. That rounds up to being a full plan, right? That¡¯s just math.¡±


    Shin had to chuckle. This was all irresponsible of him, he freely admitted, and when Momo inevitably figured it out he was certain to catch hell. But he just couldn¡¯t help it: Cho was simply too much fun.


    A short cough a ways away alerted the Schemer and Player-Goddess to Wren¡¯s approach before he could get close enough to overhear what they were discussing. Very considerate of the older elf. ¡°Perimeter¡¯s clear,¡± the general reported. ¡°If there¡¯s a trap preparing to snap shut, it deserves to get us.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡± That was a relief. This moment, before they entered the Instanced version of Brightly, was the last opportunity for anyone in the world at large to interfere. Once in, they¡¯d be practically untouchable by outside forces. That just left the inside forces to worry about. ¡°And you¡¯re ready with what we talked about once we¡¯re inside?¡±


    Wren grunted an affirmation, casting an eye towards Cho. ¡°I¡¯m curious, young lady. Did you think about becoming an Oaken Elf instead of¡­whichever kind you are?¡±


    Cho made a face. ¡°Uh, no offense, sir, but if I¡¯d done that I¡¯d have started in Quercus. And Quercus looks like it sucks.¡±


    Wren grunted again. ¡°Not in the habit of getting offended by the truth, miss.¡±


    Mimasu burst out of the tavern as Cho gave Wren a smile, the little scribe having somehow managed to take a full scroll of notes already. He hung back for a moment as a bemused looking Bex emerged as well, the kobold taking the opportunity to copy down the pig heraldry of the establishment. He seemed to be in particularly high spirits as he rushed to catch up with the Player, waving his papers towards Shin as he called out. ¡°That was so great?! They answered all of my questions! No one ever answers all of my questions!¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± Bex cut in, ¡°they did answer most of them with ¡®I don¡¯t know the answer to that¡¯, to be fair.¡±


    ¡°So?¡± Mimasu gave the girl an incredulous look. ¡°That still counts as an answer.¡±


    ¡°Right. Good point.¡± Bex turned to grin at Cho, the elf disguising another sniff with a quick clearing of her throat. ¡°I¡¯m all set! Are we ready?¡± She glanced towards Shin. ¡°We¡¯re ready, right?¡±


    ¡°Just as soon as¡­ah.¡± Right on cue, Hanbun appeared from the other end of the square. Hm, were her ears a bit folded back? Shin raised a hand to the woman, calling out once she was near enough. ¡°What¡¯s it like?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s basically like we thought it would be,¡± she reported. ¡°So wild as hell. You¡¯ll see.¡±


    Right. Ominous. Though not unexpected. And if he suggested they take any more time to check it out, Shin was certain that Bex would hit him in the head with her halberd. ¡°We¡¯re ready. You¡¯re up, Bex.¡±


    Pumping her fist in excitement, Bex pulled up a window. ¡°Alright team! Say goodbye to Brightly,¡±¨Cshe punched through a few prompts¨C¡±And hello to Brightly!¡±


    She clicked one final time, the ambient noises of the homey little village lurching to a halt. And then, in a single ineffable motion, the world folded over on itself.


    The world unfolded, and Shin briefly wondered why he was in the pack of a wagon, why said wagon wasn¡¯t moving, and why there seemed to be so many arrows being shot into it.


    ¡°Cultists!¡± a voice shouted from outside the wagon. ¡°They¡¯re attacking the caravan!¡±


    Another voice growled in outrage. ¡°This close to the village? Gods damn their boldness!¡± A lumpy face with a droopy mustache  shoved its way through the window separating the drivers¡¯ and passengers¡¯ sides of the wagon, nose and cheeks beet red as its owner yelled at the two Players and four citizens. ¡°You lot! You¡¯re earning your keep today; get out there and protect the caravan!¡±


    Huh. It looked like whoever designed these Starting Zones liked to start things in the middle of the action. Guess no one ever told them that middles are overrated.

 85. In Darkest Brightly, Part One

    Metal screamed against metal, the caravan guards barely managing a defense against the blades of their hooded attackers. Horses screamed and wrenched at their harnesses, threatening to rip the carriage apart in their attempts to run for safety. It was a ballad sung between the desperate and the dangerous, and yet through it all the voice of the lumpy-faced wagon driver rang clear.


    ¡°Are you now or do you plan to become pregnant?¡±


    Cho blinked. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    The man repeated himself, more insistently this time. ¡°Are you now or do you plan to become pregnant?¡±


    ¡°Uh, no?¡± Cho confessed. ¡°And no?¡±


    ¡°Do you have a history or a family history of seizures, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder?!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so?¡± Cho scrunched her brow, glancing questioning out at the frenzied melee happening just a stone¡¯s throw away. ¡°So should I get out there and¨C?¡±


    The driver cut her off. ¡°Are you currently taking the drugs Metzaquin, Sycall and or PraziCon?¡±


    ¡°Prazi-wha?¡±


    He slammed his fist into the side of the buckling carriage.¡°Godsdammit answer the question! Are you taking those drugs! Do you have a prescription for those drugs! Good men are dying out there!¡±


    The girl flinched back. ¡°Gah, no!¡±


    ¡°Are you currently¡±¨Che began ticking items off on his fingers¨C¡±The sole guardian of children under the age of two, operating or planning to operate heavy machinery, under the influence of lysergic acid diethylamide, living at altitudes of over five thousand one hundred feet, or submerged either partially or completely in non-breathable liquid?¡±


    ¡°Oh, that last one¡¯s new,¡± Bex interjected. ¡°Everyone¡¯s pretty sure those get added in one lawsuit at a time.¡±


    Cho waved her hands to forestall the driver¡¯s retort. ¡°I¡¯m not! I¡¯m not any of those things! Can we hurry this up?¡±


    The man shuddered, his eyes rolling back as the System responded to the impatience of a Player by instructing him to move things along. Then he gestured broadly towards the side of the carriage, the wall lighting up to reveal a dozen or so different types of sturdy-looking weapons. ¡°Grab one and get out there!¡±


    ¡°Finally oh my gosh.¡± Cho snatched a dagger, shot Bex a grin, and then jumped out of the back of the carriage. ¡°Let¡¯s gooooo~!¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Mimasu tapped his quill against his still-empty scroll, mulling over a thought as Bex leapt after the other girl. At length, he tilted his head at Shin. ¡°Is our world insane and stupid?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Shin grumbled. ¡°But it¡¯s the only one we¡¯ve got. So.¡± The kobold leaned forward, sticking his head through the window separating the cargo hold from the carriage box. ¡°Hey, you. Mustache.¡±


    The lumpy-faced carriage driver seemed surprised that anyone might still want to talk to him. ¡°Uh? Yes?¡±


    Shinn jerked a thumb towards the combat raging all around them. ¡°Do you want us to help out with that, too?¡±


    ¡°Um.¡± The man swallowed. ¡°The caravan is in danger. It¡¯s those cultists!¡±


    ¡°Well sure, but¡­¡±¨CShin craned his head around, his eyes drinking in the rumpus¨C¡±Are we really in danger?¡±


    Mustache¡¯s eyes bulged slightly in their sockets as he swallowed again. ¡°This, um, that is, they¡¯re attacking this close to the village. They¡¯re getting bolder.¡±


    ¡°Right right, got it.¡± Shin pulled himself back from the window, waving for the others to follow as he hopped down from the carriage. ¡°Hanbun, you see that right?¡±


    ¡°Hrm.¡± One of the Banken¡¯s ears quirked to the side as she dropped down beside Shin, slipping her blade cautiously from its sheath. ¡°You mean the fighting?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t think we can call it that,¡± Wren grunted, the elf¡¯s hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword. ¡°Not really. At least, I¡¯ve never been in a fight like this.¡±


    Shin hadn¡¯t, either. At a glance, the situation was dire: the outnumbered guards and merchants of the caravan were putting up a valiant defense against the cultists, protecting their wounded and goods as best they could. But neither cultist nor guard seemed to be able to land a telling blow, the wounds of the injured never seemed to take a turn for the worse, and the tide of battle seemed to be permanently stuck on the tipping point.


    Hanbun nudged Shin with her elbow. ¡°Look there.¡± The Schemer followed her gesture just in time to see a cultist notch a flaming arrow, take careful aim at a carriage barely thirty feet away, and let loose to just barely miss the highly flammable wooden vehicle. Unperturbed, the cultists tried again and just barely missed again, and Shin was entirely confident that if he stood watch for ten thousand attempts he would see ten thousand more near misses.


    ¡°So it¡¯s all just a play?¡± Hanbun wondered. ¡°I guess whoever makes these places doesn¡¯t want it to be possible for the Players to fail at their very first attempt at being a hero, or something.¡±


    On the matter of first-time heroics, Cho seemed a little unsure of herself. ¡°So, uh,¡± she breathed, eyes darting around the battlefield, ¡°what am I supposed to be doing now?¡±


    ¡°Help out however you want!¡± Bex threw out an arm, indicating their entire surroundings. ¡°We could fight these cultists, or go try to heal the wounded, or try and get the horses under control¡­anything, really. The System¡¯ll take note of the way you want to impact the world, and use that as a data point for Classes and stuff.¡±


    Right, now Shin saw the shape of things. Everything about this clearly scripted fight was balancing on a razor¡¯s edge because the System couldn¡¯t guess what the Player would decide to do.


    So if the Player decided to personally fight the cultists, that would retroactively become where they¡¯d been needed the most. But if they went to tend to the wounded, Shin had a suspicion that the Citizen guards would muster the strength to throw back the cultists all on their own.


    Cho tilted her head. ¡°So I can just do¡­whatever to help the caravan?¡±


    ¡°Yep!¡± Bex confirmed, flashing the elf a thumbs up. ¡°Anything you want!¡±


    ¡°Um, okay.¡± The demigod-turned-Player bounced on her heels for a moment, the endless possibilities of true freedom of choice racing across her face. Then, she threw herself towards the nearest cultist with a triumphant cry. ¡°Hiyah!¡±


    It happened so quickly that Shin was almost uncertain that it had happened at all. But when Cho grabbed two handfuls of the cultists¡¯s pants and wrenched them down, leaving the previously intimidating man standing in his underclothes with his trousers bunched up around his ankles, the System Itself paused.


    hm, Shin could almost hear the System thinking. no one¡¯s ever done that before.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    And then, before another flicker of time could pass, the System decided to roll with it.


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s it!¡± one guard shouted


    ¡°Pull their pants down!¡± another joined in.


    ¡°Embarrass them! They¡¯ll be too ashamed to continue their attack!¡±


    The caravan defenders immediately rallied, following Cho¡¯s lead as they began to pants their foes in tandem. The once deadly assault of the cultists was soon reduced to a pratfalling, pantsless full retreat as they stumbled their way back into the woods.


    ¡°You¡¯ll pay for this!¡± one of the cultists screamed over his shoulder, doing his best to sound intimidating while running away bare-legged in a duck walk. ¡°You¡¯ll see! The Great Priest will make you all pay!¡±


    As a cheer broke out among the merchants and guards, Shin could feel Wren¡¯s eyes burning into the side of his face. ¡°If you think I¡¯ve got an answer for all of this, general,¡± the kobold deadpanned, ¡°I¡¯m going to have to disappoint you.¡±


    The weathered elf grunted. ¡®There has never been a moment in my entire life that I have not been too old for this shit.¡±


    Cho certainly seemed pleased with how things had played out, the girl beaming with impish delight as the lumpy-faced wagon driver joined them. ¡°That was the damnedest thing I ever saw,¡± he confessed, pressing a cloth to the wound an arrow had gouged across his arm. ¡°But they¡¯ll be back.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t say I liked the sound of this ¡®Great Priest¡¯ character, either,¡± added another member of the caravan, this one a hard-boned woman with a mace in one hand and a pair of cultist pants in the other. ¡°We¡¯ve got to let the mayor know. How much of the supplies did we save?¡±


    ¡°Just two packs,¡± the wagon driver automatically replied, not even bothering to check. ¡°Barely enough to get Brightly through a week, let alone the whole season.¡±


    Hm. Shin didn¡¯t recall the cultists spending much time destroying the goods the caravan was carrying, but it only took a glance back to confirm the smoldering heaps that had once been sacks of dry goods and other commodities.


    ¡°Godsdamned cultists,¡± the woman spat, flinging the pants to the ground in disgust. ¡°Better than nothing, I guess. But only barely.¡± She hefted both sacks onto the back of one of the horses, setting about unfastening the beast from its harness. ¡°I¡¯ll take the supplies into the village, and these heroes too. If you turn the caravan around as soon as you can, you could maybe be back with more supplies in a week. We can survive that long. Maybe.¡±


    So this part was all scripted, then. The cultists always destroyed most of the supplies, so Brightly was always left in a precarious position: dwindling food, dangerous people lurking just outside of town, future uncertain. Shin could guess the next step himself: the caravan would leave, and it would be up to Cho to fight for Brightly¡¯s future.


    ¡°Or, um, we could stay?¡±


    Huh. That wasn¡¯t what Shin expected. And the tough-looking woman didn¡¯t seem to have expected it either, shooting the wagon driver a look. ¡°What? Stay?¡±


    ¡°Yes. We don¡¯t have to leave right away, do we?¡± The lumpy-face man fidgeted, seemingly unable to meet the woman¡¯s eyes as he picked at a thumbnail. ¡°Right?¡±


    ¡°Yes you do,¡± the woman shot back, her voice flatter and gruffer than it had been before. ¡°The more time you waste, the less of a chance the village has.¡±


    ¡°But wait, see, this is to help the village though,¡± the man insisted, his face brightening as a thought seemingly struck him. ¡°We¡¯ve got our own rations! That we¡¯d need for the trip! If we came to the village instead of leaving, we could¨C¡±


    ¡°No.¡± the woman intoned. ¡°That¡¯s not even close to enough. Go get more supplies.¡±


    By now the guards and merchants of the caravan were all listening intently to this standoff, even the moans of the wounded falling quiet as the wagon driver took another swing. ¡°But, oh wait, the caravan took a lot of damage. It might take a day or two to do enough repairs to¨C¡±


    ¡°Caravan¡¯s fine,¡± the woman retorted, and sure enough she was right. Shin was certain that the carriages had been in significantly worse shape a moment ago, but as he looked again they seemed up to the task of another long journey. ¡°You¡¯ve got a long journey ahead of you. Daylight¡¯s burning.¡±


    ¡°But, but¡­¡± the wagon driver¡¯s mustache drooped as he failed to come up with another excuse. ¡°But¡­can¡¯t we just stay a little longer?¡± His eyebrows beetled together, a plaintive quaver coloring his voice. ¡°Please?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± was the woman¡¯s reply. ¡°Get going.¡±


    Hanbun¡¯s ears folded back as she watched the caravan members trudge back to their stations, the group¡¯s celebratory air now replaced with a faint but mistakable malaise. ¡°What¡¯s this all about?¡± she whispered to Shin. ¡°That was weird, right?¡±


    Shin silently nodded, giving his teeth a thoughtful clack. Weren¡¯t these people Scripted? There was no way that this little confrontation had been part of some writers¡¯ grand vision. Everyone had told him that Starting Zones were strange, but this was not precisely what he¡¯d been expecting.


    The Schemer watched on carefully as Cho hurried to the side of the morose-looking wagon driver, giving his sleeve a quick tug to get his attention. ¡°Hey, um, we can stay a while?¡± the girl suggested, concern pooling in her large gray eyes. ¡°If that¡¯s what you really want?¡±


    The lumpy-faced man waved her off, not bothering to look back as he heaved himself back up into his wagon¡¯s carriage box. ¡°No. It¡¯s fine. The village needs supplies, and we¡¯ve got a long ride ahead of us.¡± His eyes fell onto the sight of Brightly, just a little ways further down the path, staring as if it were a thousand miles away. ¡°Another long, long ride.¡±


    Cho frowned, but before she could respond Bex put a hand onto her shoulder. ¡°We should probably keep moving,¡± the Player suggested. ¡°The game can be pretty unsubtle when it wants you to pick up the pace.¡±


    ¡°Ugh, fine,¡± Cho huffed, moving to follow the taciturn woman as she led the supply-laden horse towards Brightly. ¡°But that lady¡¯s a jerk, and I¡¯m totally going to pants her the moment I get a chance.¡±


    ¡°Hm.¡± Bex couldn¡¯t help cracking a smile. ¡°That¡¯s probably not the silliest way anyone¡¯s ever become a Red Player? But it would be close,¡±


    Cho snorted a laugh at that, the two girls breaking into their own conversation as Shin fell in besides the woman. ¡°What was your name again?¡±


    ¡°Baird,¡± the woman grunted, not bothering to ask Shin¡¯s name in return. ¡°Brightly needs these supplies. And Brightly needs to know the danger that¡¯s coming for them.¡±


    ¡°Right. Definitely.¡± Shin slipped into silence, Bex and Cho¡¯s whispered parley and the scratch of Mimasu¡¯s quill the only sounds as Brightly drew closer. Then, Shin spoke up again. ¡°The driver didn¡¯t want to go.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know anything about that.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Again silence overtook the group, until again Shin raised his voice. ¡°Why didn¡¯t the driver want to go?¡±


    ¡°Brightly needs these supplies,¡± Baird declared, unshakable in that axiom. ¡°Brightly needs to know the danger that¡¯s coming for them.¡±


    And then the group passed some invisible barrier separating the stretch of rural road that held the Starting Zone¡¯s introductory fight and Brightly itself, and the world briefly folded in on itself.


    Once it had unfolded again, Shin found himself staring in the face of a very different Baird than he had been a moment earlier. Up to this point the woman had been carved from stone, unyielding and unmovable. Now, something very close to desperation stained her craggy face. ¡°Where¡¯s the caravan?¡± she demanded, grabbing hold of Shin¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Did they come this time? Did they?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Shin attempted to wriggle free, but the woman¡¯s fingers were digging into him too tightly. ¡°No? You insisted they leave?¡±


    ¡°And you just did what I said?!¡± She released Shin with a shove, whirling on Bex and Cho. ¡°These ones can do anything they want!¡± She poked an accusing finger into Bex¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You stayed with them for a while after the fight, right? For a rest? Didn¡¯t you?!¡±


    Cho pushed her way between Baird and Bex, knocking aside her arm. ¡°Hey lady, I tried too! But they were so depressed from the way you bullied them into leaving that they wouldn¡¯t listen!¡±


    Baird screwed her eyes shut at that, her fingers curling into claws as some internal war waged within her. Then she reached out and unfastened the supplies she¡¯d tied to the horse. ¡°Brightly needs these supplies,¡± she snarked, peevishly letting the bags dump onto the ground. ¡°Brightly needs to know the danger that¡¯s coming for them.¡±


    She stalked off, not bothering to look back at the baffled group. ¡°I¡¯ll go tell whoever¡¯s in the pub. Don¡¯t follow me.¡±


    Bex watched the woman go with wide eyes, tail twitching in confusion. ¡°I never did a normal Starting Zone? But I don¡¯t think this is how they¡¯re supposed to start.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Cho murmured her assent, ¡°this is weird. Not like any of the starter guides I read. Maybe we bwah~?!¡±


    The elf clapped her hands over her mouth but was unable to stop the startled gasp that burst out from her. And once he¡¯d spotted what she¡¯d seen, it was hard for Shin to fault her: just up the road, at the charming little gates of the pleasant village of Brightly, what must have been the entire village had gathered. And each and every one one of them was staring directly at Cho.


    Mimasu was right, but not complete. Yes, the world was insane and stupid. But it was also frequently disturbing as hell.

 86. In Darkest Brightly, Part 2

    As the Shin and his group stared at the villagers of Brightly and they stared back, the kobold was struck by a vision of the future.


    It was a brisk autumn day, in a field bursting with wheat, and there were all of their corpses kitted out in silly clothes and strewn up as scarecrows. A contented-looking villager glanced curiously at the macabre scene, pausing his reaping long enough to remark to his neighbor. ¡°Remind me what the deal was with those guys?¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± the other man remarked, rolling his eyes. ¡°Those dummies. They came to our creepy-ass village and for some reason didn¡¯t think we¡¯d use their corpses in some freaky folk ritual.¡±


    ¡°Wow. What a bunch of dopes!¡±


    ¡°For sure. Especially Shin. ¡®Schemer¡¯, huh? More like, um,¡±¨Che scrunched his brow in thought, failing to come up with anything¨C¡±...I dunno. Something else like it, but ironic. I don¡¯t do wordplay, I do rural-themed murder.¡±


    The first villager scoffed. ¡°Shin probably knew a bunch of words that rhyme with Schemer in an ironic way.¡±


    ¡°Yeah totally. And that¡¯s why he and all his friends are dead now, and we¡¯re having a fantastic harvest.¡±


    ¡°Yeah man, yeah!¡±


    They both jumped into the air, freezing in a pose of wild celebration as behind them a bird pecked out Scarecrow Shin¡¯s eyeball. The Schemer always knew it would end this way. Tale as old as time.


    And then Shin snapped back into the present, and one of the villagers haltingly spoke out, tugging at his bushy beard with such twitchy fingers that it was a shock he hadn¡¯t ripped it clean off his jaw. ¡°You, um¡­supplies? You brought the supplies?¡±


    ¡°Right, yes!¡± Cho snatched up one of the discarded saddlebags, Bex picking up the other as the elven faux-Player offered the satchel towards the hesitating citizen. ¡°These, right?¡±


    Words spilled seemingly unbidden from the man¡¯s lips as he reached trembling for the supplies. ¡°Oh no so few,¡± he intoned, rushing emotionlessly through what must have been a scripted response. ¡°Can we really survive on just this we have to ask the mayor¨C¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell the mayor!¡± the rest of the gathered townsfolk screamed in unison, muscles tense and eye bulging. They surged in front of the bearded man as he continued rambling through his monologue, as if they might stop the Players from any potential mayoral visits with every drop of blood in their bodies.


    Three of them held the oblivious man with grips uncomfortably close to his neck, fingers clawing deeply into his skin. Shin had little doubt that if any of them thought strangling their neighbor to death might keep the mayor¡¯s isolation for just a moment longer, they would take that trade in a heartbeat.


    ¡°Uh,¡± Cho started, glancing sidelong at Bex. ¡°Okay? I guess we won¡¯t?¡±


    As if the girl¡¯s quizzical half-agreement had been magic words, the mood of the townsfolk immediately transformed.


    The majority of them turned on their heels and wandered merrily away, chattering about their chores and day-to-day gossip and acting as though they hadn¡¯t just been involved in a town-wide staredown. A dozen or so remained behind, their once blank faces beaming as a woman in well-worn farmers clothes offered Cho her most ingratiating smile. ¡°Well obviously you¡¯ll tell the mayor eventually, right? But maybe there isn¡¯t that big of a rush?¡±


    She jerked her eyes towards the remaining townsfolk. ¡°There¡¯s no rush, right?¡±


    The others practically fell over themselves in their eagerness to agree.


    ¡°Oh no!¡±


    ¡°No rush~!¡±


    ¡°So much else to do!¡±


    ¡°Mayors are so busy he¡¯s probably busy!¡±


    Meanwhile, Shin couldn¡¯t help but notice that the man who had taken the supplies seemed to have slipped into a sort of fugue state, mumbling his scripted lines over and over to himself as he stroked the saddlebag. ¡°Hey, is he alright?¡±


    The farmer barely managed the effort to shoot Shin a dirty glance. ¡°He¡¯s fine. He just loves supplies. The guy¡¯s crazy for them. He got what he needs; we don¡¯t need to talk about him anymore.¡±


    Cho piped up. ¡°Well, what do you need?¡±


    The townsfolk sucked in a simultaneous breath as another inadvertent mystic incantation washed over them, holding for a moment before releasing a gasp so suffused with relief that it was practically in the shape of a smiley face.


    One of the men struck first, blurting out a request while his neighbors were still silently shaking. ¡°We¡¯ve got a little grain still set aside, but those damned rats keep trying to get at it! Could you go to the silo and try to do something about them?¡±


    Before Cho could agree, the others babbled out their own requests.


    ¡°The infirmary is almost out of medicine but if you go find this herb it¡¯ll¨C¡±


    ¡°¨Chusband went missing last night he said he was going to the¨C¡±


    ¡°¨Cteach you crafting! Please please please let me teach you crafting!¡±


    ¡°¨Cbees! Filled with bees! Could you possibly¨C¡±


    Was this how any of this was supposed to go? Judging by the look on Bex¡¯s face, no, it very much was not. Still, the Player was set on doing her best to improve this experience for her friend.


    ¡°Oh, did you want to do any crafting stuff?¡± Bex waggled a finger towards the desperate-looking man in the blacksmith¡¯s apron. ¡°If you don¡¯t, you can clear that guy¡¯s quest just by saying so.¡±


    ¡°Uh, okay.¡± Cho cleared her throat, planted her feet, and pointed a finger at the desperate-looking man in the blacksmith¡¯s apron. ¡°I do not want to do any crafting.¡±


    The girl¡¯s declaration of non-intent rolled off of her tongue and struck the blacksmith with the weight of a boulder, the man staggering in such a display of rubber-boned relief that it was a wonder he didn¡¯t collapse in on himself. The other villagers crowded in as he toddled away in empty-headed bliss, looking for all the world like children with their faces pressed up against a candy store window. ¡°Us too?¡± the man with the rat problem pleaded. ¡°Us next?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s see; one sec.¡± Bex popped open a few windows, humming thoughtfully at what she saw. ¡°They always batch these quests together, so we can do a couple all at once. How about¡­¡±¨Cshe flicked a few of her screens towards Cho¨C¡±This one, this one and this one?¡±


    ¡°Um, okay!¡± The deity-turned-Player clicked the three windows, and three of the villagers began to shiver. ¡°These are all right outside the village, right?¡± She glanced over her shoulder at Bex. ¡°So we just pop out and take care of them?¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯ll be back, right?¡± demanded the rat-plagued townsperson, the only one of them left out. ¡°Right? You¡¯ll definitely be back?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± insisted Cho, flashing the man a thumbs up. ¡°We¡¯ll be right back and we¡¯ll totally kill those bats for you.¡±


    ¡°Rats,¡± insisted the man. ¡°You have to kill the rats.¡± A sudden thought gripped him, panic dripping down his face as he turned beet red. ¡°Unless that¡¯s a dealbreaker for you! You can kill any bats you find! Do you need me to find bats? I will stuff the grain silo to the brim with bats if you promise to kill the rats.¡±


    Cho blinked. ¡°That¡¯s, um, not necessary. But I¡¯m digging the enthusiasm. Getting some great vibes. Yeah.¡± She glanced towards Shin, somehow still bubbling with excitement despite the bizarre welcome to her Starting Zone experience. ¡°Ready to go?¡±


    Hmm. ¡°How about you two give it a go yourselves? It¡¯d be a chance for the rest of us to investigate the rest of the village.¡± Cho seems unconvinced. Better use a bit of carrot. ¡°Besides, I thought maybe the two of you might have more fun being by yourselves for a little while?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Oh!¡± The temporary elf¡¯s eyes radiated thanks at Shin before she spun around to throw her arm over Bex¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Well then! Shall we find some herbs and a husband and some bees?¡±


    ¡°We shall!¡± Bex¡¯s grin mirrored the other girl¡¯s, her cheeks a bit flush as they started off. ¡°We¡¯ll be back soon! Don¡¯t solve the whole mystery before we get back, deal?¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡± Shin couldn¡¯t resist a small grin of his own, watching the metaphysically unlikely pair stroll off into the outskirts of the forest, intertwined. They were both good kids, and the thought of them truly finding one another was the sort of wholesome serendipity that seemed all-too rare in their petty little world.


    It was nearly wholesome enough to make Shin forget how utterly upsetting every other aspect of their surroundings was. Almost, but not quite. Hanbun saw to that. ¡°Hey Shin,¡± the kobold whispered, prodding him in the side with her elbow. ¡°Check them out.¡±


    Sure enough, the three villagers whose quests had been accepted were just silently standing in place, their eyes wide and unfocused as they waited for the Players to return with their news of their errands completed. They might have been mistaken for statues, if they weren¡¯t still shivering. Ugh.


    The man with the rat problem was in motion, however, marching off with such a steeled resolve that Shin couldn¡¯t resist calling out. ¡°Hey, where are you going?¡±


    His response was immediate. ¡°To find a shitload of bats.¡±


    Uh. ¡°You really don¡¯t need to though?¡±


    ¡°You think I¡¯m going to risk that?!¡± He whirled back on Shin, his face a mask of such cold fury that the Schemer took a step back. ¡°Is it you who sees rats stuffing their faces with grain every time he closes his eyes, or me? Is it you who¡¯s kept awake every single night with disgusting squeaks rattling through their brain, or me?¡± The man was all but snarling now. ¡°Because I¡¯m confused; is it you? Or is it me?¡±Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    Shin was certain that he was precisely one wrong answer away from being murdered. ¡°It¡¯s you. Sorry.¡± The Schemer¡¯s ears perked forward. ¡°Maybe the bats will kill the rats? Maybe you won¡¯t even need the Players.¡±


    The villager grunted, his fury melting into a sort of vague scorn. ¡°Where did you come from?¡±


    ¡°Shinki Itten?¡±


    ¡°Is everyone stupid in Shinki Itten?¡±


    ¡°I, uh, guess so.¡±


    Finding that to be an acceptable reply, the man turned to continue his quest for a building¡¯s worth of bats. But before he could, Mimasu spoke up. ¡°Don¡¯t you have to stop us, though?¡±


    ¡°Stop you?¡± The man narrowed his eyes. ¡°Stop you from what.¡±


    ¡°Seeing the mayor?¡± The little scribe flipped back a few pages in his notes. ¡°It¡¯s right here. The whole town really didn¡¯t want us to tell the mayor about your supply problems.¡±


    The villager sneered. ¡°I don¡¯t care if you go see the mayor. Do whatever the hell you want. Just don¡¯t get any funny ideas about the bats.¡± His eyes narrowed. ¡°The bats are mine.¡±


    Shin jumped in, waylaying whatever Mimasu¡¯s response might have been. ¡°No bats for us, all the bats for you. We promise. Alright?¡±


    Wren whistled as the Shinki Itten contingent watched the villager stride off. ¡°There goes the most determined man I¡¯ve ever seen,¡± the grizzled elf remarked. ¡°And he¡¯s off to find bats.¡±


    Mimasu chewed on the end of his quill, eyes troubled as glanced at the three still-silent townspeople. ¡°Isn¡¯t all of this weird, Shin?¡±


    Hanbun cocked a single ear. ¡°Well gosh, Mimi, what was your first hint?¡±


    ¡°I mean obviously it¡¯s all weird,¡± the scribe huffed, seeming rather put out, ¡°but aren¡¯t Starting Zones supposed to be Scripted? The other Scripted people we¡¯ve met didn¡¯t act like this at all!¡±


    True enough. The people of Brightly weren¡¯t at all like the husks of Magica City, bouncing around their predetermined lives on the puppet strings the System provided for them. Those same strings were clearly attached to these townspeople, but rather than being led by them it was if they were ensnared by them.


    And Shin suspected that much like an animal caught in a snare, somehow, someway, the villagers of Brightly were fully prepared to gnaw straight through themselves for the possibility of freedom.


    Shin shook the thought away, his hair bristling in disquiet. ¡°Alright, well, all of this business about the mayor has me curious, so maybe we should go and¨C?!¡±


    A cold shock seized Shin¡¯s chest as the kobold¡¯s knees buckled, only the nearby foundational rock of Wren keeping him upright as he gripped the elf¡¯s sleeve. The general balked, only to pause when he saw the stricken look on the other man¡¯s face. ¡°Shin, what¡¯s wrong?¡± He flinched when Hanbun crumpled against him as well, both kobolds with ears fully folded and tails completely tucked. ¡°What¡¯s happening?!¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t know. He only knew that he was deeply sad, and it had left a gaping chasm in his chest, and that it was never going to be alright again.


    ¡­No, wait. It was alright again. Shin caught Hanbun¡¯s eyes as the color began to creep back into their faces. ¡°Did you feel¨C?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Hanbun confirmed, confusion warring with embarrassment in her expression. ¡°I have no idea what that was and I never want to feel it again.¡±


    Shin didn¡¯t have a clue, either. Was it something to do with this strangeness of Brightly? An attack from Glandem perhaps? Or maybe a corruption of the System itself, bleeding out from an obviously malfunctioning Starter Zone? All Shin knew was that he didn¡¯t have an answer, and doubted he would find one any time soon.


    ¡°Hey guys!¡± Bex called out from up the path, smiling in complete ignorance of the kobolds¡¯ shared moment of otherworldly depression. ¡°Sorry, bit of a hold up, Cho¡¯s dead.¡±


    What. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, she died.¡± Bex shrugged amiably, blissfully unaware that she was announcing the demise of her own goddess. ¡°Splatted.¡±


    ¡°S-Splatted?¡± Shin stammered, half forgetting he was the only one who knew Cho¡¯s true identity. ¡°How the hell did she get splatted?!¡±


    Bex waved a dismissive hand. ¡°Oh, no big whoop. You get an Achievement for falling really far, and there was a ravine? So we figured she should just go ahead and crack that one out really quick.¡±


    So, in other words, all your deity¡¯s friends jumped off a bridge, and so she wanted to, too. Woof. At least that explained the brief bout of existential dread.


    And even further more, it started to answer another concern Shin had been considering. If Cho died, but he felt fine now, she clearly didn¡¯t die the way any normal citizen of Magica would. Had she really co-opted all of the privileges of the Players? ¡°But she¡¯s fine now?¡±


    ¡°Huh? Oh, sure!¡± Bex gestured towards the chat window she had opened. ¡°We¡¯re still chatting. She said it was great, but ¡®the last part fell a bit flat¡¯.¡± The girl chortled, shaking her head. ¡°God she¡¯s funny. You get it, right? Flat, because when she fell she got¨C¡±


    ¡°No no, I get it, super funny. But what I mean is, she¡¯s coming back?¡±


    ¡°Of course! She¡¯s got like five minutes on her Rez Timer. Want to go meet her at the graveyard?¡±


    Hanbun perked up. ¡°Right, I almost forgot. I think I could only see a part of the picture in the normal version of Brightly, but I suspect that the situation at the graveyard is wild.¡±


    The idea that even after all of this anything could be declared ¡®wild¡¯ was, frankly, exhausting. But Shin knew it was a dangerous job when he took it. And who knew? Maybe upon taking a stroll through scenic Brightly he¡¯d find the situation to be less insane than it seemed.


    They hadn¡¯t gotten far into the town square before Shin came to a definitive answer on the issue. In short, the entire village had clearly gone mad.


    Wherever they went the villagers would turn up the dial on their background business as high as possible, chopping wood with extreme gusto and gossipping at a shouted volume and washing laundry far more loudly than Shin ever thought possible. And then, as soon as it became clear Bex was not going to stay in their general area, their frenzied pantomime immediately curdled into a sullen display of half-effort, going through the motions with such contempt and lack of effort that it was a wonder the System Itself didn¡¯t reach out and smite them all dead.


    The one exception was at what Shin recalled to be the mayor¡¯s house. The mass of villagers gathered there did their best to project an air of nonchalance, chatting about this and that as they milled about in the front garden. But it didn¡¯t escape Shin that their eyes never left Bex for one moment, not until she was well beyond reach of the mayor¡¯s house and whatever calamity a Player might bring about there.


    They nearly collided in the street with the rat-plagued villager, the man clutching a huge bag in one hand that floated in his grip like a balloon. Hundreds of little bodies thrashed against the side of the sack like the abdomen of some grotesque insect queen, the man forcing eye contact upon Shin before indicating the bag, and then indicating Bex, clearly asking for confirmation that he was good to go.


    Go away, Shin attempted to wordlessly convey to the man, What you¡¯re doing is absurd. You are absurd.


    I understand completely, the man silently replied, his intent crystal clear in Shin¡¯s mind. I¡¯ll be back with more bats.


    As strange as it seemed, the graveyard was actually the most pleasant part of town. It was certainly the most normal: just a tidy plot of land lined with tidy little headstones. Even the Watchmen guarding the place were normal, or at the very least they were in comparison to the other villagers. They alone projected an air of serving the purpose they had been sent to serve, of having been shaped to fit their container that was intended to hold them. Shin wasn¡¯t entirely certain what that implied. Only that it had to be grim.


    ¡°Hold on a sec,¡± Hanbun held up a hand, beckoning the others closer. ¡°If we stand still, I can get us all in my Camouflage ability.¡±


    ¡°Why do we need that?¡± Mimasu inquired. ¡°Who are we hiding from?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re hiding from that,¡±¨CHanbun jerked her thumb towards a faint shimmer that appeared in the middle of the graveyard¨C¡±Now shut up and watch, Mimi.¡±


    The Banken tapped her claws together and a rush of leaves spun around the Shinki Itten contingent, temporarily disguising them all as a large bush as the graveyard shimmer began to take form. For a moment Shin thought that it might be Cho, and that Hanbun had been cautious for nothing. But she still had a few minutes on her timer, and there was no mistaking the mismatched features of a No One once they began to take shape.


    ¡°Freaking finally,¡± the RedPlayer grumbled, taking a moment to shake out his arms and legs as a Crimson Eye burned above his head. ¡°Stupid friggin¡¯ Rez Timer. So friggin¡¯ long. So friggin¡¯ dumb.¡±


    ¡°I could only see the first part of this back in the other Brightly,¡± Hanbun whispered to the group. ¡°It just looked like Red Players would appear in the graveyard and then evaporate. I guess that was them being pulled into the Instanced version of the village?¡±


    Seemed logical, but the Red Player was in no position to offer the final word on the matter. The two Watchmen had noticed him, and as they marched purposefully towards him the No One responded with as much dignity as he could manage. ¡°Aw yeah, come get it!¡± he crowed, grabbing between his legs with both hands. ¡°Come get some of this! You know you want it, you know¨C¡±


    A sword pierced through the Red Player¡¯s chest at the precise moment that a mace caved in his skull, and a moment later the Watchmen were contentedly back at their posts.Shin supposed it was true: if one loves what they do, they never work a day in their lives.


    ¡°That guy had on full Guild Starter Set gear,¡± Bex quietly mused, chewing on her lip. ¡°Not just a weapon, like the last guy had. That¡¯s a serious Royal Coin investment.¡±


    ¡°How serious?¡± Shin asked, recalling his encounter with Glandem. ¡°One hundred and fifty Coins serious?¡±


    ¡°Not that much, no way. I think it¡¯s twenty-five. But you¡¯re usually splitting that cost between a whole guild.¡±


    Hanbun pressed a finger to her lips. ¡°Someone¡¯s coming,¡± she hissed, flicking her ears towards the path leading out of the graveyard and away from the town. ¡°This might be our Inside Man.¡±


    Ah yes. The Inside Man. The key cog in this entire scheme. For as ingenious and multifaceted as Glandem¡¯s efforts to turn Brightly into a staging ground for Red Players were, those efforts relied on his Inside Man.


    Namely, a Player who was willing to spend a huge amount of time in Magica without doing anything even remotely resembling a game, spending all of their time in the same place as they stuffed corpses into Holding Satchels to hand off to unwitting newbies, all while being careful to never actually complete the quests they were on. What sort of person could put up with that level of nonsense?


    Shin supposed that Glandem might have found some way to pay a Player in currency they could use in their own world, somehow. But simple greed didn¡¯t feel like it was enough of an explanation. This wasn¡¯t some purely mercenary act. There had to be some personal reason involved.


    The approaching Player was a No One, unsurprisingly, but he was also just a normal Player. Shin understood that, obviously, he couldn¡¯t be a Red Player and still play his part in the scheme? But it did rankle deeply that in the eyes of the System, this Player had done nothing wrong. That their world ultimately didn¡¯t care about them was not a surprise to Shin, but that didn¡¯t make such an obvious display of that fact still stung.


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m scooping up your bits right now,¡± the Player remarked to seemingly noone, The Watchmen didn¡¯t pay him any mind as he pulled a Holding Satchel from his side, crouching down to begin the grim task of stuffing the fresh corpse into its depths. ¡°If you want visual confirmation, dude, you can watch on my livestream like the form fucking said to do.¡± The No One spat, muttering to himself. ¡°Fuckin¡¯ time wasters. I fuckin¡¯ swear.¡±


    Time wasters?, Shin pondered, his ears starting to fold back. Why did that sound so familiar?


    The Player continued his efforts unabated, even as he was seemingly peppered with further recriminations. ¡°Yes. No. Definitely No. No and you¡¯re an idiot for asking no.¡± He straightened up, holding the other Player¡¯s crushed head by the hair and waggling it in front of him. ¡°There, are you in the stream? Do you see that? Because this is a good look for you and you should remember it.¡±


    A moment of silence passed as the No One listened to whatever the Red Player had to say, only for the man to respond with a scoff and roll of his eyes. ¡°The stream isn¡¯t down. You¡¯re just trying to join the wrong one. How are you spelling the name, smart guy?¡± After a moment, the Player rolled his eyes even harder. ¡°Not enough ¡®Z¡¯s, dummy. There¡¯s one in Mazter, three in Azzz and two in Blazzter. I swear to God these fuckign people.¡±


    Shin had only seen that name once, but he¡¯d never forget reading it in the ruins of the Oaken Elf Camp and realizing its significance. Nor could he ever forget the man who had decided to dub himself MazterAzzzBlazzter, though he personally knew him under a different sobriquet.


    Glandem had needed someone with a true grudge against the kobolds of Shinki Itten. Somehow, he¡¯d found Leathers. Either Glandem was even better than Shin had thought, or the world hated Shin even more than he had thought.


    Either way, his work was cut out for him.