ã€ŠThe Green Fields Beyondã€‹


 Prologue

    I couldn¡¯t hear the barrage over the ringing in my ears, couldn¡¯t feel anything but my rifle. I held onto it as tightly as I could. Anne was in front of me, saying something, trying to make eye contact. I just looked past her. She was in the bunker with me, her ears must be ringing too. I didn¡¯t mean to hurt her, I wasn¡¯t thinking. If I had been able to sleep this past week I might have managed something else, to argue with the lieutenant, like our captain would have. I¡¯m not her though, no talent for talking. Gods take the captain''s soul, I am sure she was the only kind noble. It¡¯s a shame the shells don¡¯t care about such things. Mud from the trenches had flooded the bunker and it was swallowing the lieutenant¡¯s body. I kept trying to look at her but Anne didn¡¯t let me, watching my eyes and moving so I was always looking at her. The ringing in my ears started to fade and I could make out what she was trying to say to me.

    ¡°Zalgeth, you¡¯re okay, breath.¡±

    ¡°They¡¯re gonna kill me for this.¡± I replied. I was panicking.

    ¡°No one cares, look.¡±

    Behind Anne a dozen or so other soldiers were looking at me. I didn¡¯t know how many saw me shoot our lieutenant but I guess it didn¡¯t matter. I still had my rifle in my hands, it was clear what I did.

    ¡°What now?¡± I asked Anne. She turned a bit, so she could reply to me and the others listening in at the same time.

    ¡°We do what the bitch wouldn¡¯t let us, we retreat.¡±

    I nodded in agreement, and thankfully saw a few others agreeing. There was one problem though.

    ¡°We can¡¯t now, while the barrage is happening, we¡¯ll be deserters.¡±

    ¡°After then, right when it stops.¡± Anne replied. She looked me in the eyes and smiled, giving my arm a little squeeze. I couldn¡¯t believe how comforting it was, enough to lower my rifle and take some proper breaths.

    ¡°Okay¡± Anne yelled. ¡°We need runners to go down the trenches, spread the word, we are going to be overrun, we retreat when the bombardment ends¡±.

    Anne¡¯s yell was clear, commanding. I did my best to match her tone but I sounded small and scared by comparison.

    ¡°And we need a crew for the gatling gun. I¡¯ll stay, to buy time, it¡¯s my treason anyway, but alone¡­¡± My voice trailed off, I didn¡¯t need to explain, we all knew the gun needed four.

    Anne raised her hand to volunteer. I didn¡¯t want her to, but I knew she would. I of course would rather she lived, but if we were going to die it was nice to think we would die together. The wives were the other two to volunteer. Kate, Rebecca, Anne, and I were close. I was the only demon in the unit, Rebecca and Anne the only beastfolk, and Kate¡¯s humanity didn¡¯t matter much when she was so open about her love for Rebecca. Not that anyone gave us shit in the trenches, with the mud and my helmet I probably looked human, or close to it. The helmet covered my ears and horns, and the mud hid my dark red skin. It didn¡¯t really matter how well the women in our unit treated us, too much bigotry from our life outside the army, and from the officers, left us preferring our own company. Kate and Rebecca didn¡¯t just volunteer because they were close to me and Anne, there was a more important reason, one I was happy to leave unsaid. Rebecca had a different opinion however. She yelled loud enough so everyone could hear.

    ¡°Might as well be us, If we don¡¯t do something heroic the brass will have us against a wall.¡±

    If I wasn¡¯t so exhausted I would have cried. I expected to fear for my life when I enlisted, I didn¡¯t expect most of that fear coming from my own fucking officers killing me. The insult of it made it worse.This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

    The next few hours weren¡¯t too bad. We cleaned the gun best we could, soaked it, and stockpiled all the ammunition and water we could find. I thanked the gods we had enough water. It is possible to cool the gun with muddy water from the trenches or piss, but mud might fuck the gun up and I did not want to find out what boiling piss smells like.

    We knew the barrage would end soon, or at least that is what the lieutenant said. As it got to late afternoon we figured it would end at dawn. We tried to sleep, but none of us really managed. I spent the night holding the artillery signal flare I took from the bitch¡¯s body before we threw her into a collapsed trench for the rats to eat. I didn¡¯t want to talk about it, and the other three didn¡¯t press. They probably had the same thought. A single gatling gun wouldn¡¯t stop an advance. It was a narrow front, but not that narrow, and calling our artillery down on us would pin the Varenites in our trenches, and to our officers it would look like a heroic last stand where we held on as long as we could before running. We were going to run, thank the gods for our shit artillery that was two decades out of date. They didn¡¯t give the women units the good stuff. It would take time for them to aim, a minute or two, hopefully long enough to get out of the worst of it. I wanted to live so badly. The bunker was small, and with the floor raised from the mud flooding in and a wall collapsed there was barely any space. It was good Kate and Rebecca were married, they had to spend the night on top of eachother, no room otherwise.

    The barrage stopped at dawn as expected. The silence was overwhelming. Thankfully I didn¡¯t have enough time to panic, the Varenites were out of their trenches quickly, the whistles of their officers carrying clear across no man¡¯s land. I was surprised and grateful to see a few snipers on our side stayed. They picked off some of them, but not enough to make an impact on their slow march through the mud. I knew how the poor souls in no man¡¯s land must feel, we were trained to walk too, in a line. An old way of thinking, one they quickly abandoned when I opened up with the gatling gun. Even with our ears plugged the noise was deafening. I fired a burst just long enough to let them know what we had, and once the line walking across no man¡¯s land fell apart as they scrambled to shell holes I stopped. I hadn¡¯t hit many, if any, but the gun would overheat or jam if I kept firing. I waited until some brave soul stood up to run to the next shell hole and opened up. I didn¡¯t even really aim, I wasn¡¯t trying to kill anyone, just trying to keep them lying in the mud for as long as possible so our own could run, before they realized we only had one gun working and overwhelmed us. I don¡¯t know how long it was, I couldn''t keep track of time. They did figure it out eventually, and when they did they started to slowly walk towards us again. At first I didn¡¯t try to focus on any part of the line, just spraying back and forth across the whole thing hoping to scare them back. It didn¡¯t work, so I focused on the area in front of us. It was only a few seconds of that before the gun jammed. Anne burned herself clearing it but the damn thing just jammed again after only a few seconds. There was no use staying at that point, so we threw some smoke grenades out of the bunker to cover us and ran. I left last, firing the signal flare. I prayed our shit artillery was extra shit that morning.

    They were, and thankfully their first few rounds overshot giving us plenty of time to escape the worst of it. Some shells hit fairly close to us at first but we were still in trenches so it wasn¡¯t too bad, that or a week under barrage had left me indifferent to the occasional shell.

    We were all laughter and smiles by the time we made it out of the trenches to the camp. I was sure I was dead the moment I shot my lieutenant, well, before that. I thought I was dead when she told us to hold at all costs, like I wouldn¡¯t take that personally, like my life wasn¡¯t what she was gonna pay that cost with while she slipped behind the lines to safety.

    No one betrayed us. General Karter was all smiles when he greeted us, handing over a bottle of vodka. He even managed to find a trumpeter for a little fanfare. I didn¡¯t trust him, too much of a parliamentarian, too proud of minorities while he was some noble fuck, too happy to lead a women¡¯s unit as a man. He said the right things but somehow everything he said felt like an insult. At the moment I couldn¡¯t care. A demon, some beastfolk, and a beastfolk fucker managing a heroic last stand, and all of us women who weren¡¯t even supposed to be on the front line, it was a parliamentarian¡¯s wet dream. We all knew our kind were political pawns but we were alive and had a bottle of vodka so why would we bother giving a fuck.

    We had enough sense to track down the snipers who stayed, giving them some shots, before drinking ourselves to sleep on the first clear patch of grass we found. You don¡¯t realize how great plants are until you spend weeks in the trenches where nothing grows but rats and lice.

 Chapter 1

    I found out the hard way that the trumpeter was not someone the General managed to find for us, but a regular part of the camp. The morning fanfare would have been cheerful but I was exhausted and hungover so it just made me mad. During the night Anne had curled up against me. We looked at eachother and I just had to ask her,

    ¡°Want to kill that trumpeter with me?¡±

    ¡°Yes, but first, where will we put the body? There isn¡¯t a convenient rat-filled trench like last time.¡±

    The panic came back. Not as strong as right after I murdered her, but enough to scare me. I knew what I did, that wasn¡¯t the issue, but such an open reference to it. What if someone heard, or guessed. My life was in their hands, if anyone said anything I would be killed.

    Anne had enough sense to notice my panic, and she gently put her hand on my chest.

    ¡°Sorry¡± she whispered to me. ¡°You did the right thing, I won¡¯t bring it up again.¡±

    I was going to apologize to her, but then I saw the burn on her hand. I grabbed it and pulled it towards my face to get a closer look.

    ¡°You should get this checked out.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not that bad.¡±

    ¡°Could get infected.¡±

    Kate had overheard and walked over to take a look herself.

    ¡°I¡¯m with Anne, it¡¯s fine, not worth the bandage. You worry too much, infections aren¡¯t that easy to get, and they aren''t gonna send us back to the front.¡±

    I didn¡¯t like being wrong, and I didn¡¯t like losing arguments, but I couldn¡¯t get infections so I didn¡¯t really know how it worked, just the first aid the army taught me. On top of that my hangover wasn¡¯t helping my normally argumentative nature. I drank, but getting black out drunk was new to me and I was paying for it today. I had another problem, one more familiar, one I had pushed my luck with ever since started my service. I didn¡¯t know if I had adrenaline, but I at least had something like it. I could keep going on march or in the trenches. My normal aches and pains would get worse, but never overwhelming, never enough that my body wouldn¡¯t listen to me. It was after that I risked my body giving out.

    I couldn¡¯t stand. I tried, but my arms and legs barely listened to me and if I did get them in position to put some weight on them they gave out.

    ¡°Hurt? Hungover?¡± Kate asked me.

    ¡°Succubus things.¡± Anne answered for me.

    ¡°Fuck off both of you.¡± I snapped at them. Rationally, I knew I shouldn¡¯t be mad, but Kate standing over me, Anne sitting up next to me, while I was stuck laying on my back in agony, I felt small, and I hated it. I took a few moments to catch my breath.

    ¡°Enough of this shit, help me up, I can limp somewhere just give me a shoulder to lean on.¡±

    Kate helped Anne get me up and left me leaning against Anne¡¯s shoulder as she went to wake her wife up.

    We made our way towards the middle of camp. We figured someone would tell us what to do. We were in the army, wandering around waiting for orders was most of our job anyway. Anne was worried about me. She must have put it together that it had been over two weeks, longer than I should have waited. I didn¡¯t want to risk offending the general by trying to find a prostitute when he might be expecting us. Anne didn¡¯t like it but she was outvoted. The General was going to keep us alive, keep suspicions off us, we needed him to like us.

    A few people from our unit recognized us and gave their thanks. I was too proud of saving them to be embarrassed that I couldn¡¯t stand on my own. Most of our unit didn¡¯t recognize us though, they just heard from some runner to retreat, not knowing about the treason or the single gatling gun that covered them. While we were chatting a girl in dress uniform on horseback approached us.

    ¡°I am General Karter¡¯s squire. He asked me to bring you to his headquarters, a farmhouse a few miles back.¡± The others of our unit we had been talking to saluted, we didn¡¯t bother.

    ¡°Fuck, I can¡¯t make it miles.¡± I wasn¡¯t so proud as to recognize the impossible. The squire seemed to not notice, or not care, that I was being supported by Anne and clearly in pain.

    ¡°It is not that far demon.¡± The squire replied. She didn¡¯t sound mad, but she did manage to say demon in such a way that it sounded like a slur. Noble brat.

    ¡°You have a horse, and you didn¡¯t save a unit yesterday.¡± This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.

    The squire looked at me confused. I couldn¡¯t tell if she genuinely couldn¡¯t figure out what I was asking, but I was in too much pain to put up with her bullshit.

    ¡°Let me ride your horse there or we won¡¯t make it before noon.¡±

    Thankfully she had enough sense to let me. I felt bad giving the horse lice, but it was clearly well taken care of and would be rid of the parasites quickly. Anne easily lifted me into the saddle even though I was a foot taller than her. The squire looked a little afraid and I laughed at her. She probably heard lies about the terrifying strength of beastfolk and not the truth of how light succubi are.

    The farmhouse was beautiful, seemingly untouched by war.

    ¡°Bathroom is on the main floor, the door at the end of the hallway to your right when you walk in. Throw your clothes out the window. They will be burned and new dress uniforms will be provided. There is lice soap, use it properly. It would be bad if you were to spread them to the house.¡± The squire explained, not even looking at us.

    Anne lifted me off the horse and helped me to the bathroom. Thankfully it was meant for servants, fully tiled floor, three showers, a small room inside with a toilet and a small sink, and a large sink by the showers, and it smelled clean.

    I didn¡¯t want to need help. I enlisted ¡®cause I was tired of being afraid, tired of not being able to defend myself, and I needed a pension. I knew it was naive, but I did it anyway. I should feel better, when it came down to it I knew now I could pull the trigger. I defended myself. I killed someone who would have gotten me killed. I saved myself, my friends, and hundreds of others. I saved Anne. All that and I still ended up sitting on the bathroom floor under a shower. I still couldn¡¯t wash myself, Anne had to. The lice soap burned but it was a nice kind of burn, especially knowing I would be rid of the damn things. I was happy I kept my head shaved, it made the process easier. I can¡¯t imagine how much worse it was for Anne and Rebecca with their fur. Anne certainly seemed to have to work harder cleaning herself than she did me. She really had to scrub the soap into her fur to make sure it would get all of them. It wasn¡¯t quite like hair, her fur, it was softer, thicker, but lighter, fluffier. Her cat ears looked cute when she showered, folded flat to keep water out. Even when she got some soap in her eye and started swearing she was beautiful. I wanted to run my hands through her fur again, to feel her tail wrap around mine, to feel her lips against mine. I wanted to fall in love with her, but I couldn¡¯t. I hadn¡¯t done anything sexual with Anne for months. I had fallen for her, she made being with me seem normal. Every time I needed sex, even if it was awkward, she helped, never made me feel bad about it, never treated me like I was forcing her, or guilting her, never treated me like a predator, and didn¡¯t let others say that shit about me. Before her, every time I needed it I paid someone. How could I not fall for her when she was the first person who chose me. On leave a couple months ago I spent the whole day with her. I remember she was wearing a dress and makeup, and I couldn¡¯t keep my eyes off her. She hid how feminine she was on duty, and I could feel how happy she was dropping the act. The day felt so normal, like we were at peace, like it was a normal weekend day lovers could have together, so that night, as we were walking back to the barracks, I asked what she wanted to do after the army. She told me she wanted a husband, so she could have her own children, and a legal marriage, a legal family. I can¡¯t blame her. Both for wanting that and not telling me. I was heartbroken but thinking back we really did just fuck and talk a little. There was nothing to suggest that there was anything more between us. Succubi aren¡¯t supposed to fall in love anyway, we need sex so it shouldn¡¯t mean anything to us. After that night I stopped asking for her help, even turned her down. She figured it out and tried to apologize, but I didn¡¯t let her. We didn¡¯t talk about it and just let the friendship be. I had that at least. I couldn¡¯t think anything bad about her, it wasn¡¯t her. After all that I still needed her. I hated being a succubus. I hated being weaker than humans. I hated being so light. I hated needing sex. I hated always being in some sort of pain. I hated having a worthless dick that couldn¡¯t get anyone pregnant. I hated everything that made me need her now, and everything that kept her from loving me. I wanted to love Anne, but we couldn¡¯t even adopt, it was me or family, and I knew her choice. I would make the same one if I could.

    Kate and Rebecca left. They knew I had to do something with Anne, I wasn¡¯t gonna be able to stand without it, and they knew I didn¡¯t want to have to ask them to leave. Anne sat down in front of me, joining me in my sad little puddle on the floor under the shower. At least the water was still warm.

    ¡°We don¡¯t have to, I could find someone, there are always brothels close to camps, you could wait, maybe the general has a carriage that could take you there.¡± Anne was too kind. I wanted to hate her soft voice, hate her for being here for me, but I couldn¡¯t.

    ¡°It hurts, and I don¡¯t want it to anymore, I don¡¯t care about anything else right now.¡±

    Anne nodded and asked ¡°Can I kiss you?¡±

    ¡°No, sorry.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t be sorry for boundaries, this is fun for me either way, but I know it isn¡¯t a situation you want; that it is two bad choices.¡±

    She leaned in and hugged me. I felt the familiar tingle of arousal and relief as our breasts were pushed together. My legs started to shake as she reached down and gently put her hand around my cock and whispered into my ear.

    ¡°If it is too much or too little let me know.¡±

    She played with the point of my ear, resting her head on my shoulder, gently stroking my cock with her other hand. It felt too good for her to touch me again. She knew me too well. Her thumb softly rubbed the head of my dick while the rest of her fingers stroked it. I wanted to hold her like I used to, to kiss her. I tried to focus on myself, on how good it felt, but it wasn¡¯t enough. My legs hurt from shaking and I couldn¡¯t catch my breath. I didn¡¯t want to be like this, not now, not with her.I just wanted this over, I wasn¡¯t thinking clearly, but I knew how to end it quickly.

    ¡°Anne,¡± I took a deep breath, ¡°kiss me.¡±

    She did, it was quick, mouth closed, but it was all I needed. I came and she pulled her hand away. She needed it to keep me upright. Warmth spread through my whole body as my core tensed and I felt all my aches and pains float away for a moment, but I couldn¡¯t enjoy it. I was pathetic. So much cum, all of it worthless. Why did my body even bother making the stuff. I let my dick get soft. I could keep it hard at will mostly, but it wasn¡¯t worth the effort, not when I wasn¡¯t enjoying this. Anne started to talk but I just shook my head and pointed to the door, so she left. I could see how sad she was seeing me like this, but I had about ten minutes of aftershocks to sit through, my soft dick leaking so I couldn¡¯t get dressed or dry off, it would just have made a mess of things like it always did. At least I could stand and walk, though it wasn¡¯t enough to stop the pain. As the aftershocks got farther apart the pain got worse.It was bad, real bad, and I was so frustrated. It was enough to make me cry, deeply, in a way I only could when I was alone.

 Chapter 2

    The dress uniform was brand new, and a slightly different design than the one I got when I enlisted. The colors were muted, a dull green making up most of it with some black accents. The extra buttons and pockets were gone, the end result was almost not military in appearance, looking almost like normal dress pants, shirt, and jacket. I wondered how much of the design choice was to save money and how much was to make soldiers seem more like civilians. It was nice though. Clean clothes were rare, never mind new, and on top of it they seemed actually made for women, not just men¡¯s with some quick adjustments from a tailor. I got excited when I saw the pants had an actual tail hole. In the trenches I kept it up against my back, under my shirt, and it wasn¡¯t comfortable. My joy was short-lived though. The tail hole was for beastfolk. It wasn¡¯t adjustable. I had to squeeze the arrowhead tip of my tail through, and the hole was too big for the rest. Looking in the mirror I could see a bit of my underwear through it. Not enough to be an issue, especially as a succubus, just another thing that wasn¡¯t for me. The shirt had a split in the back so it could be tucked in around a tail, but the jacket was heavy and had no split. Beastfolk¡¯s tails hung down when relaxed, and generally stayed there, but mine went up when I didn¡¯t pay attention to it. I took a week of beatings in basic for not being able to keep it down. I told the drill officer and then the military police on the first day but they took their time correcting their mistake. I had been able to get a tail slit cut in the jacket of my old dress uniform but this was new, and I didn¡¯t want to offend the general, and, looking around, I didn¡¯t have anything to cut it with anyway. I tried a few steps with the uniform, focusing on keeping my tail down, but it flicked up from the pain in each step. Nothing to be done then, I would just try to face the general and hope he didn¡¯t notice. Wasn¡¯t comfortable at all though having the jacket resting on my tail. I shivered from the wave of cold air that hit me when I left the bathroom. A butler or servant of some kind, based on their uniform, waved me over. Before opening the door they stood besides they said, quietly,

    ¡°They are waiting for you.¡±

    The General, Rebecca, Kate, and Anne were sitting at a large table drinking tea. General Karter sat at the head of the table, and my friends arranged themselves so the empty chair for me was next to Rebecca and across from Kate. Clever of them, Rebecca¡¯s large stature would let me hide a bit from the General and I was as far away from Anne as could be managed.

    ¡°Private Zalgeth Paratonnae welcome, I hope the uniform fits.¡±

    The general spoke loud, and overly cheerful, like this was some fun breakfast party.

    ¡°It fits well.¡± I lied.

    He eyed me suspiciously as I made my way to my seat.

    ¡°Are you hurt?¡±

    ¡°No sir, well, not exactly. I will recover.¡±

    ¡°What is it then?¡±

    ¡°In the trenches, or any period of great stress, I get something that seems like human¡¯s adrenaline, but less intense, longer lasting. It keeps me going, but when the danger passes I am often incapacitated. I am fine in a day or so usually, a week at most. A normal part of army life for me.¡±

    ¡°That is good then!¡± The General smiled too wide for my taste. He pulled a small bell out of his pocket and rang it. Some servant¡¯s brought plates of food. Bacon, ham, meat pies, chicken, eggs, and fruit. I had never seen so much meat. I wanted to ask for bread and water but did not want to offend.

    ¡°It is disgraceful, you know,¡± the General said while filling his plate. ¡°How little we know of demons. It isn¡¯t right that you take such a greater risk serving your country. The law against dissection of demons has been an enemy of mine for many years now. If you were shot through the gut no surgeon would know what was hit, what might need to be repaired, if you might be septic, it isn¡¯t right. Not when humans and even beastfolk receive proper care.¡±

    ¡°I appreciate your concern sir.¡± I lied again.

    ¡°And you brought the artillery down on yourself, such self sacrifice for a nation that does not serve you as well as it could.¡±

    I guess they had been talking about me before I got here.

    ¡°It is my honor to serve.¡± I didn¡¯t want to talk politics.

    ¡°A model private.¡± He replied, smiling at me. We ate for a bit. My friends and I were starving and we didn¡¯t know when we would get food like this again so we ate all we could. The general on the other hand took his time, having no desire to interrupt our meal with talk. I knew it was risky, but something was bothering me and I had to ask.

    ¡°Sir, why did you bring up the dissection laws?¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to of course, you all have given enough, but you will be given royal shields for your actions yesterday. It is faster than normal, but the war drags on and I have allies who are helping speed things along. With that comes opportunities. Parliament has some spots reserved in universities and in the Royal Military Academy, they are yours if you want them.¡±

    ¡°I am not sure politics is for us.¡± Rebecca said.

    ¡°Long term you can, of course, take the pension from your shields and live whatever life you want. In the short term you will have political duties. Parliament is interested in you, the speaker of the house in particular, and while you don¡¯t have to turn into ranting parliamentarians handing out pamphlets on the street corner, the royalists will not appreciate you. Best to cozy up to parliament for a year or so, and then you will be forgotten, and can disappear. I will say, politics isn¡¯t so bad, and I am excited to give you an introduction to it. I sent a telegraph and had my personal car hooked up to the next train. A carriage will take you to the station in Gannaburg, then a week or so on the train to Marticourt where you can stay in Parliament''s hotel. The royal shield ceremony will be grand and you will be able to talk honestly about the hardships of the trenches. It always makes the rich give more to the army. It is a good life, and a better way to make a difference.¡±Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

    A royal shield was above what I thought I would get, but the prospect of getting out of the army forever, and warm beds, good food, a dream come true. The General continued,

    ¡°I am sorry I can¡¯t stay, but I suspect you don¡¯t want to talk about your experiences in the trenches yet, and you will be sick of talking soon anyway. Oh and Miss Zalgeth, I have requested a prostitute for the train, from a reputable establishment, I hope she is to your standard.¡±

    ¡°Thank you sir, I trust your judgment.¡± I lied for a third time. The general left quickly, and I was left with the trickiest bigotry I had heard in a while. Calling me miss instead of private, and no last name, improper at best, and asking if a prostitute would be up to my standards when I suspect he thinks succubi have no standard, and assuming I liked women. I did like women, only women, but straight succubi are not that rare, unlikely he had never heard of them, so another insult? I couldn¡¯t make sense of it. We took our time eating. Anne and I were not in the mood for talk, for obvious reasons, and Kate and Rebecca were not the most talkative couple in the best of circumstances, so we just ate. Thankfully there were no servants in the dining room so I was able to take my jacket off and use a knife to cut the stitching that held the back together to make a decent looking tail slit. I put it on and stood up, waving my tail around a bit, happy with work.

    ¡°To the carriage I guess?¡± Kate asked as we were all leaning back in our chairs, so full we had to loosen our belts.

    ¡°Why not love.¡± Rebecca replied, walking over to Kate and giving her a quick kiss before helping her up.

    The carriage was as expected, the dull gray box of military carriages, with a bored looking carriage driver dressed in a similarly gray uniform. Unexpected were the four revolvers inside. A note in the General¡¯s handwriting saying ¡°a gift¡± on each of them. Revolvers were expensive, new, and beyond what we expected. More surprising were the holsters. Fine weapons like revolvers were usually kept on the hip, as open as possible to show them off. For the military in particular standard practice was to keep weapons visible. These holsters were underarm, easily hidden under the jackets of our dress uniforms.

    ¡°Is he that afraid of royalists?¡± Rebecca asked no one in particular once we were inside the carriage with the doors closed, slowly making our way to Gannaburg.

    ¡°Or is it bait, did you hear the digs at Zalgeth, what was that?¡± Anne added.

    ¡°I can¡¯t think of anything in the dress code about it, privates aren¡¯t supposed to have pistols, but we aren¡¯t not allowed.¡± Kate said. I had put on my holster and started loading mine so I figured I should explain.

    ¡°Does it matter? Who, besides General Karter, will know we have them if we don¡¯t need them, and if we do end up needing them, well, better to have them.¡±

    They stared at me. I had kept a pistol on me since I was 12, a small single shot thing from my mom, for safety, so I wasn¡¯t as bothered by the idea. I was also the only one of them who had killed someone in cold blood. I was right though, and they loaded their pistols and holstered them as well. Despite the bumpy dirt road and the minimal suspension on the carriage I fell asleep.

    ¡°Wake up, sleepy girl.¡± Rebecca said, gently slapping my face. I groaned and swatted at her before I properly woke up.With all the food and a nap I could walk well enough, but I grew up in a small town and the city was overwhelming. The noise, smells, all the people, it was overwhelming. Rebecca had to help me through the crowd around and in the train station, using her height and uniform to push her way through. Anne went to get our tickets, or figure out whatever was used for private cars, while the rest of us found a bench. It wasn¡¯t empty but the people sitting on it kindly gave it up for soldiers. I thanked them, assuming it was my obvious pain that convinced them, and went back to sleep leaning up against Rebecca.

    The train¡¯s whistle woke me up. I panicked for a moment thinking I missed it, but I was in a bed, in a room with awful red and gold wallpaper.

    ¡°Hi sleepy, we didn¡¯t want to wake you so I carried you to the car. Hope I did it right, no new pains?¡± Rebecca asked as she sat in a chair at a desk next to the bed.

    ¡°No, little embarrassed being carried through the station, but yea, thanks.¡±

    ¡°Good¡± She smiled her normal understated smile at me. I sat up but quickly fell back onto the bed as the train lurched forward. Rebecca didn¡¯t react. I collected myself and stood up, the sleep having helped, and there were rails all along the walls. Shame that was only a thing in train cars.

    ¡°I better join Anne and Kate, I don¡¯t need them talking about me.¡±

    Rebecca laughed a little. ¡°That might not stop them.¡±

    ¡°Can¡¯t you distract your wife.¡±

    ¡°We don¡¯t want to leave you alone with Anne.¡±

    ¡°Ah.¡±

    I figured as much, and it wasn¡¯t that I didn¡¯t trust them, but something about them knowing how I struggled bothered me. Anne knowing was bad, it was worse with Rebecca and Kate. They were married, in love, now with pensions they could do whatever they wanted, adopt a kid and start a family, find their dream jobs, or just not work. I by contrast had no idea what I wanted and had so often struggled to walk, wake up, to stay focused through the pain, such simple things. I didn¡¯t know what to look forward to and I felt a deep embarrassment about it. At least in the short term life was good. The bed was massive and wonderfully soft, and as much as I would be a good friend and offer it to them I knew they would insist I get it. Stepping out of the bedroom there was a bathroom with a small shower directly across. The main area of the private car had the same awful gold and red wallpaper, but poor tastes aside it was lovely. There was a small bar, some couches, and a couple of tables. There was even decent soundproofing, the sound of the train was present, but quiet, nothing like the ones we were used to. Looking out the back of the car I could see we were the last one in the train. That must have helped with the noise too. I watched the city pass by from the back of the train for a bit. There was something nice about seeing it like this, less overwhelming.

    I used the hand rails along the wall to make my way to a couch and sat down. Anne and Kate were staring at me, having stopped talking when I left the bedroom. Rebecca sat next to Kate, putting her arm around her.

    ¡°I¡¯m fine, better with the sleep.¡± I said, trying to preempt their questions.

    ¡°You should still be sleeping, you¡¯ve had a hard couple of days.¡± Anne said sternly.

    ¡°She¡¯ll be fine, we have a week on this train with nothing to do, and we¡¯ve all had a hard couple days.¡±

    I appreciated Rebecca defending me, though Anne kept pushing the issue.

    ¡°Her body takes it harder than ours, and since she stopped with me she¡¯s ¨C ¡°

    ¡°Anne.¡± Rebecca snapped, cutting her off. I felt like I wasn¡¯t there. Clearly being around them was a mistake.

    ¡°I am going back to bed.¡± I said to no one. ¡°Any objections with me having the bed, for the first few days at least.¡± I had to check with them, even though I knew the answer. They all shook their heads. I tried to fall asleep but couldn¡¯t, so I pulled the curtain from the window and watched the city go by. I was disappointed when we started passing through farmlands, far less interesting to look at. A knock on the bedroom door pulled me out of my trance.

 Chapter 3

    On the other side of the door was a human woman in a red and gold dress that matched the wallpaper.

    ¡°May I come in?¡±

    I nodded and stepped to the side, closing the door behind her. Standing was still difficult so I sat back down on the bed. She moved the chair from the desk so it was in front of me and sat down.

    ¡°General Karter hired me on your behalf. My name is Victoria, and I am at your service until we reach Marticourt.¡±

    ¡°Thank you.¡±

    I didn¡¯t add anything else, I was trying to decide if I wanted her services or to try to sleep again. I wasn¡¯t uncomfortable sleeping with prostitutes, it was how I survived, but something about not hiring her myself made it feel a little awkward. She took my silence as a chance to talk.

    ¡°I don¡¯t mean anything by this, I ask only because of a natural concern for others, are you well?¡±

    ¡°That obvious?¡±

    ¡°To me, it is part of my work.¡±

    ¡°I am well enough considering the past couple days, or week and a bit really I guess.¡±

    ¡°The General didn¡¯t tell me anything, or tell the brothel anything I mean. All I was told was that you were a succubus, and it was the General who asked. I had actually assumed he would be here, hence the dress, but I guess not. My madame chose me as I have relevant experience.¡±

    ¡°With succubi? What demon is rich enough to afford someone like you?¡±

    ¡°The experience isn¡¯t professional.¡±

    ¡°Ah.¡±

    I found the silence awkward so I decided to tell her what happened, I would have to get in the habit of it anyway.

    ¡°It was two days ago now. All our officers were dead and we were going to be overwhelmed. We had been under bombardment for a week. Myself and the three out there stayed with a gatling gun, to buy time, then when the Varenites were almost on top of us I called our artillery on our own forward trenches. I don¡¯t know what happened after, but we made it out and the General thought it was enough to make us war heroes, so we are going to Marticourt to get royal shields and I guess make some speeches, talk to some rich fucks, stuff like that for a while.¡±

    ¡°Just two days? That is fast. How long were you in the trenches?¡±

    ¡°Week and a half, a week of that was the bombardment. Why?¡±

    ¡°Before that?¡±

    ¡°Two weeks in the trenches, a few days off, that''s normal.¡±

    ¡°How many months have you been doing that?¡±

    ¡°Four, five?¡±

    ¡°And how old are you?¡±

    This was already strange and that was a little too weird of a question to play along with so I just looked at her, waiting for clarification.

    ¡°Sorry, I worry too much, I haven¡¯t even asked for your name.¡±

    ¡°Zalgeth.¡±

    She nodded. ¡°I work as a prostitute to pay for school, to be a healer, and my girlfriend is a succubus, so I have a better understanding of demon physiology than most, and you don¡¯t look well. It seems like army life hasn¡¯t treated you kindly. Of course I can perform the duties expected of me, and only those, but I wouldn¡¯t feel right if I didn¡¯t offer what I know, I might be able to help.¡±

    I didn¡¯t want a stranger involved in my business, especially one tied to the general. He seemed like a threat, and I worried whatever I told Victoria would be passed onto him. If she could help though, I was in pain a lot, and less of that would be nice.

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to burden someone hired by the General with frivolous problems.¡±

    I was proud of that, didn¡¯t say no, and hopefully I could get a feel for how close they were.

    ¡°What prostitute shares things about their client?¡± Victoria sounded a little offended.

    ¡°I¡¯m not the one paying you.¡±

    She nodded. ¡°What if I told you something about the General, would you talk then?¡±

    She said that too quickly, it seemed like she had thought of that ahead of time, or was planning to tell me anyway. As suspicious as it was, the offer was too good to refuse.

    ¡°Okay Victoria, deal.¡±

    ¡°He¡¯s gay. He pretends to be a womanizer, to explain why he never married. He bought me this dress to make the lie seem more believable, and brings me and other women to various parties and what not. This isn¡¯t the first time I have been in this train car, but it is the first time I have without one of his men here as well, hidden away in this bedroom or disguised as a servant.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s surprising, he seems, not like us.¡± I meant it, he seemed so, straight, normal, it was hard to believe.

    She shrugged. ¡°He doesn¡¯t see it as important, as part of himself. He enjoys it in private, but in public he is a politician through and through.¡±

    This could make blackmailing the General possible. I would need evidence, but if I felt the General had laid a trap for us I could maybe find a way out with what Victoria told me. It was such a huge relief I could hug her.

    ¡°Now can we talk about your health?¡± She asked.

    I nodded.

    ¡°Do you mind undressing?¡±

    I didn¡¯t know what to say to that. She knew why she was here, why should I care. I shrugged and started to take off my jacket before I remembered my new revolver.

    ¡°I have a gun, can I take it out and unload it?¡±

    ¡°I would prefer that, thank you.¡±

    If she was wondering how I ended up with a revolver she didn¡¯t say anything.

    There was something unsettling but not necessarily unpleasant about being naked while a fully clothed woman looked over me with no hint of sex.

    ¡°Okay Zalgeth, what hurts most?¡±

    ¡°Upper back, thighs, feet.¡±

    ¡°The feet is not what I expect.¡± She said, thinking out loud.

    ¡°Could it be the bad boots and the trenches?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Your boots look new.¡±

    ¡°They are not what I had before the General gave me this new uniform.¡±

    Victoria nodded, taking a closer look at my feet.

    ¡°It looks like you have some skin damage, but ¨C¡± she roughly poked at my feet, ¡°feels like it¡¯s minor.¡±

    ¡°I thought I couldn¡¯t get trench foot, it being an infection and all.¡±

    ¡°Demons fight off infections well, but you are not immune, and your skin heals backwards, outer layer first, and that stops new infections while your body fights off what is already in there, it makes it looks like there is no infection at all. Your feet seem fine though, should be healed in a day or two.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡±

    The certainty she spoke with was convincing. This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

    ¡°Roll over,¡± she told me before asking ¡°Can I touch you?¡± Another strange question from her.

    ¡°You were going to have to anyway.¡±

    She sighed at me, seeming frustrated, I didn¡¯t know why she would be. Her hands were warm, and even though she was digging around trying to feel my muscles she was clearly trying to be as gentle as possible. It still hurt of course, but it wasn¡¯t too bad.

    ¡°Zal, how old are you?¡±

    ¡°Right, 27.¡±

    ¡°A little young but not that uncommon. Okay sit up.¡±

    She sat on the bed with me and took one of my hands in both of hers.

    ¡°You have a thick accent, so I assume you are from the interior, rural?¡±

    I nodded. She continued.

    ¡°I am too, not rural, but I practiced hiding my accent, it doesn''t sell well, and I¡¯ve lost it now. Just letting you know because I don¡¯t want you to think I am insulting you.¡±

    I laughed. ¡°I don¡¯t think anyone had ever seen past the demon to make fun of me for coming from deep in the continent.¡±

    Victoria laughed politely, before holding my hand tighter and switching to a serious tone.

    ¡°Basically,¡± She said, ¡°Zalgeth, you¡¯re malnourished, chronically. Our best understanding, which isn¡¯t great, is that whatever in demon physiology that allows you to sustain yourself off magic limits how much you can get from food. Your horns are a dead giveaway.¡±

    She reached out to touch them, but stopped right before she did. I leaned forward to close the distance, I figured she was asking to touch me again.

    ¡°Feel how the base is wide, but they quickly thin, then are thin for the rest of the length.¡±

    Her touch was nice as she traced them coming out of my forehead and curling up over my head. It was distracting, I had to focus to listen to her words.

    ¡°They should be growing at an even thickness until they quickly taper into a dull point, not the long thin points you have now.¡±

    I took her word for it, not like I had met another succubi.

    ¡°That isn¡¯t too bad though, I don¡¯t care what they look like.¡±

    I knew malnourished couldn¡¯t be good but I was mostly fine. I found it hard to care.

    ¡°How often do you have sex, of any kind?¡± She asked.

    ¡°Once every two weeks about. My mom got what books she could on demons and we figured that was enough.¡±

    ¡°For an adult, an older adult, it might be, if they don¡¯t exert themselves or get stressed and eat plenty of food. There is no way the army fed you enough, they don¡¯t even feed humans enough.¡±

    She was mad, not at me, but I was still scared that she considered it serious enough to get mad about it. I was used to Anne¡¯s gentle concern. Victoria was much more direct and insistent.

    ¡°You should be at three to four times a week during war, that is, if your body wasn¡¯t trying to go through second puberty.¡±

    ¡°I thought the wings and bigger horns just came with age?¡±

    ¡°Yes they do, but they grow quickly, that is the second puberty, and it is all energy, mostly magical, and there are more changes than that. Did you not talk to another succubus about this, or any demon?¡±

    ¡°No, I have never met another succubus.¡±

    ¡°Oh you poor dear.¡± She pulled me onto her lap and hugged me. She seemed so upset by that, and if a stranger was that upset about how I lived I could understand why Anne, Kate, and Rebecca were always worrying about me. I took the isolation as part of who I was, but in the capital there would be others like me, I could choose to be with people like me. I didn¡¯t have to be alone. The possibility hadn¡¯t occurred to me before. I had planned to move back in with my mom after the army, but she liked living alone. Not that she didn¡¯t want me with her, but she would want me to put myself first. That would give her the most comfort.

    I don¡¯t know how long Victoria held me, but it was no more than ten minutes.

    ¡°I want to send a telegraph to my girlfriend,¡± I could feel her chest vibrate as she talked, ¡°she might know of some safe places in Marticourt where you could meet people like you, and someone who knows more medically. Can I?¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡± I replied.

    ¡°Are you going to be okay alone?¡±

    ¡°I think it is clear I do fine alone.¡±

    She glared at me for that, and I lifted my hands apologetically. I knew as soon as I said it the joke was in bad taste. Victoria gently pushed me off her lap and went rummaging through the desk, presumably looking for paper and a pencil.

    ¡°When I get back we should have sex. You should be at twice a day, at least until you recover, then one a day at least. You should eat more too, doesn¡¯t take any healer schooling to see you are too thin.¡±

    I resisted the urge to cover myself, but not well enough, Victoria noticed.

    ¡°Not that you aren¡¯t beautiful, just the healer side of me is in charge right now, not the woman side.¡±

    She found the paper and pencil and wrote something before leaving, closing the door behind her. It would take a few minutes for her to find a steward who would take it and pass it on to be sent from the next station. I had plenty to think about but I didn¡¯t think about any of it. I just lay in bed listening to the clickity clack of the train.

    Victoria opened the door as quietly as she could, until she saw me staring at her.

    ¡°Good, you''re awake.¡±

    I shrugged. She smiled warmly at me and sat on the bed, her back towards me.

    ¡°Can you help me get out of this dress?¡±

    I struggled a bit with it. Dresses were never my thing, and the claps on it were beautifully hidden making them hard to get. I wasn¡¯t surprised to see her underwear matched the dress. It was kinda cute. She had this way about her that wasn¡¯t there when she was talking about my health. The way she took off the dress, how she looked me in the eyes when she took off her bra, how cute her butt was when she turned around to take off her panties, every detail was perfect. I don¡¯t know how she drew me in. It was like she was an actress and I was onstage performing with her, desperate to match her elegance.

    ¡°What do you like?¡± She asked, standing in front of me while I was sitting on the bed, looking up at her.

    ¡°I, uh, what?¡±

    She sighed, clearly annoyed with me.

    ¡°Dick, pussy, both, neither, which parts of yours get you off best.¡±

    I was a little confused. ¡°Well, dick, you¡¯re a woman, it¡¯s easiest.¡±

    For the briefest moment she looked like she wanted to hit me.

    ¡°I¡¯m not dealing with that right now.¡± She said, rolling her eyes and pushing me onto my back.

    Seeing her naked, standing over me, she was this wonderful combination of delicate and commanding. Her small breasts, the slight curve of her hips, how she worried about me, even her frustration made me want to hold her, brush her long black hair, rub her back. I didn¡¯t know what to do with that. Normally when beautiful women were standing over me I wanted to fuck them, but now, I didn¡¯t know what to do. Thankfully she took the lead, leaning down and kissing me as she gently lay on top of me. She played with the head of my dick while her other hand took my tail and wrapped it around her wrist. It was a revelation, I couldn¡¯t believe I never thought of it myself. I could hold her hand while having both my hands free to play with her breasts, which I happily did, even though the angle was a little awkward with her laying on top of me. I felt myself getting wet, precum leaking. I was embarrassed as Victoria sat up and watched herself spread it over my dick. At least she wasn¡¯t looking at my face so she didn¡¯t notice. It would just frustrate her more if she knew how I felt about my own body.

    She leaned down and kissed me as she guided me into her. I suddenly knew what Victoria meant when she said I was malnourished. I was starving for this. I came as I entered her, but it just made me want more. I was shaking a little but she held me down, whispering sweet things in my ear, not that I could make out the words. Victoria kept a steady rhythm when I couldn¡¯t, gently rolling her hips against me. I collected myself enough to look at her and she smiled. In that moment I realized I had all the time in the world. She wanted to help, and there was no war here, nowhere to be, nothing to do except this. I wrapped my tail tighter around her wrist.

    I came again after a while. It was the longest time I spent fucking someone in years. I didn¡¯t realize how it changed things. There was normally this tension in me when I came, like my body was trying to push every drop out. This time I was so relaxed, so turned on, not even thinking about what about my body might embarrass me. There was enough cum that it just flowed out of me, no need to push myself or tense up. The orgasm didn¡¯t stay in my dick, it spread through my whole body. My heart raced, my limbs felt weightless, every part of me Victoria touched tingled. I could feel every muscle in my body relax and the pain fade. To my surprise I had a fit of laughter. Victoria stopped moving and lay on top of me again, keeping me in her, gently stroking my horns as the aftershocks faded.

    I hugged her when I could move my arms again, and she gave me a little kiss on my forehead, right between my horns. I expected to go soft, but I didn¡¯t. I knew how to, and I could, but I didn¡¯t want to.

    ¡°Can we try another position?¡± I asked. Victoria was surprised, and I guess I was too. I hadn¡¯t expected to enjoy myself and I didn¡¯t think I would feel well enough to move so soon.

    ¡°Whatever you want. Glad you are feeling better.¡± She replied. The healer and prostitute combination was strange, but I didn¡¯t hate it.

    I started to sit up and she understood the hint and got off me. I put my hands on her shoulders, and pushed her down onto her back so her head was on a pillow at the head of the bed. It was a bit awkward as I reached over her to get a pillow to put under her cute little butt but it was worth it. She looked perfect like that, her legs around my waist. My tail wrapped around her ankle. I didn¡¯t remember doing that, I guess I just wanted to hold her. I don¡¯t know why but I needed to make her come. I knew she was a prostitute, that it wasn¡¯t expected of me, that the effort of it would probably annoy her, but the thought of it consumed me. I started fucking her again, watching her face closely to see if I got the angle right. Her face didn¡¯t tell me anything but I could feel her squeeze me a little bit with each thrust, and I figured that meant it had got it right, so I started playing with her clit. I just teased at first, not touching it directly, just putting pressure in what I hoped were the right places. I took my time to build anticipation. She gasped a little when I finally touched the hood of her clit. I wasn¡¯t sure if touching it directly would be too much so I kept going as I had been. Again Victoria knew exactly what to do, moving her hips up ever so slightly so my thumb that had been teasing her was right on it. I slowed down now that I was touching her clit directly, rubbing in time with my thrusts but that quickly wasn¡¯t enough. I move my thumb against her faster and faster, encouraged by Victoria¡¯s face getting redder and redder as her breathing sped up. I was nearing my limit, and my hand hurt, but she seemed so close, so I took one of her nipples in my mouth, and pinched the other with my free hand. That was enough, thankfully. Her leg shook a little, and I felt her spams a few times around my dick. It was a little orgasm, but I didn¡¯t care. I had done what I wanted to, and it was cute, and beautiful, and made me feel warm, and comfortable. I, by contrast, lost control when I came shortly after. I was exhausted and shaking so bad I couldn¡¯t stay upright. I let myself fall on top of Victoria, thankful for the first time in my life that I was so light. She rubbed my back as I came down. I wanted to get off the disgustingly wet bed, to eat, have a drink, shower, but a bigger part of me knew none of that was going to happen, and I didn¡¯t want to stop touching Victoria so I rolled off her and pulled her in to spoon me as I quickly fell asleep.

 Chapter 4

    I was getting frustrated. For the third time today I was woken from a lovely nap. While Victoria softly saying my name was a nicer way to wake up then the train whistle I was gross and sticky and the bed was still wet. It did not feel nice.

    ¡°How long was I asleep?¡±

    ¡°Just half an hour.¡±

    Not long at all, that explained the bed.

    ¡°The kitchen won¡¯t stay open all night, and I figured you would like a shower before dinner.¡±

    My eyes having finally adjusted to waking up I rolled over and got a look at Victoria. She wasn¡¯t wearing the red and gold dress anymore. Instead she had black dress pants on with a slightly shiny dark gray suit jacket. No shirt, no bra. Her hair was in a tight bun and she had taken off her makeup. The outfit did things for me.

    Victoria laughed at me, ¡°I thought you would like this better.¡±

    I nodded and got up, looking around for a towel or something.

    ¡°Towel?¡± I asked.

    She pointed to a drawer under the bed.

    ¡°Not to be rude, but I need a shower.¡± I said while wrapping the towel around myself.

    ¡°Of course. Do you want to eat alone, with me, with your friends? I can keep you away from them if you want to not see them without offending them.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to do that, all of this.¡± I replied, standing in front of the door, awkwardly gesturing at her outfit while holding the towel up.

    ¡°This emotional stuff is my job, really, more than the sex. That is why people come to fancy brothels like mine, and it is a nice change of pace to help someone who has real problems.¡±

    ¡°Rude.¡±

    ¡°You need to hear it.¡±

    Yea she wasn¡¯t like Anne at all. Maybe because she didn¡¯t know me and wasn¡¯t trying to be my friend she could be, well, mean about it. I knew she was right, already I was in less pain than I had been since I enlisted, but I wanted to get a jab in.

    ¡°Hopefully you get a better bedside manner before you become a healer.¡±

    I regretted it after I said it. Why did I want to be mean to her, she was helping me so much. I was unbelievably lucky she was the one who was here with me.

    She laughed, ¡°not my fault you¡¯re stubborn.¡±

    I laughed a little too, mostly out of relief. I didn¡¯t want to offend her, this wasn¡¯t the army, I shouldn¡¯t be making fun of everyone or be too worried, even if someone was making fun of me, doesn¡¯t matter, what could they do to me?

    Thankfully the shower is the perfect place to think about such things. I was worried about adjusting to civilian life but it would be more than that. I would have to get used to the city, and meeting so many people, and having lots of people in my life. I didn¡¯t have that growing up. The smell of the soap distracted me. It was this weird floral perfume smell that didn¡¯t smell like any flower I knew, and then I noticed I was hungry. I didn¡¯t mind the quick shower. The hot water was nice but I wasn¡¯t in that much pain so I didn¡¯t feel the need to try to relax my muscles in the steam. I realized I could try a proper steam room soon. So many things to try, to consider, when I was in the city with some money.

    Victoria was waiting for me in the bedroom. She was reading from a little notebook which she slipped back into her pocket when she heard me.

    ¡°You never said who you wanted to have dinner with?¡±

    ¡°Right, sorry Victoria, I want to see my friends I think.¡±

    ¡°When would you like me back?¡±

    ¡°Back?¡±

    ¡°From my meal, I need to eat too, I only had a little lunch.¡±

    ¡°Oh, I imagined you would be with me, making sure I ate enough and, well, I don¡¯t know, you¡¯ve kinda set this tone of bossing me around. I kinda thought it would last the whole week.¡±

    ¡°Do you want it to?¡±

    I took a deep breath before answering. ¡°Yea, I¡¯m not as dense as I seem ¨C ¡°

    ¡°You¡¯re not ¨C¡±

    ¡°Let me finish.¡±

    I waited a bit before continuing, to make sure Victoria wouldn¡¯t interrupt me again.

    ¡°I know I don¡¯t know a lot. My mom, gods bless her, is asexual and aromantic and not well liked. I think that is why they let her adopt me, to humble the uppity woman who was too well educated. She¡¯s a pharmacist, only one for miles around Paratonnae. People had to get medicine from her. And she tried, she built a bookshelf and filled it full of books on demons, cheesy romance novels, porn, psychology, child rearing, those creepy how to get a man books and weird domestic woman guides, anything she thought might help her understand me and raise me right, but it¡¯s not the same. I couldn¡¯t go to school, so she taught me, and I couldn¡¯t work for anyone else when I got older, so I worked for her. And where could I go to meet someone like me? We had one horse, and I couldn¡¯t take her ¡®cause how would my mom do deliveries, and there isn¡¯t a train, it is like a two week ride to the nearest station. So I¡¯m stuck, and I can¡¯t take over the family business, no one would buy from a succubus, and I can¡¯t work at the brothel ¡®cause men repulse me and I know something is wrong with me I knew succubi shouldn¡¯t be in as much pain as I was, but the army was the only option and I¡¯m just there following orders for years, until now and I¡¯m rambling I know but what I¡¯m trying to say or get to is that I have never made a decision in my life. I had to get home schooled, had to work for the family business, had to join the army, then had to follow orders. Gods I never even choosed who I fucked, just whoever was cheapest and available, and Anne because no one else would, and you just showed up, not that there¡¯s anything wrong with you, fuck dressed like that I would choose you and it¡¯s not like I¡¯m not excited but it¡¯s scary and just seems like effort and I already feel better and I don¡¯t want to face parliament weak and in pain and, and ¡­ I guess that¡¯s it.¡±

    I exhaled and leaned forward putting my head in my hands. My little speech took a lot out of me. Victoria sat on the bed, I guess she was waiting to make sure I was done.

    ¡°Hug?¡± She asked me. I sat down next to her and hugged her. It was nice.

    ¡°You should get dressed.¡± She said.

    I nodded and looked around, finding my uniform folded nicely on the chair. I started to get dressed and Victoria pulled out a second set of bedding from under the bed.

    ¡°I can do that, it¡¯s my mess anyway.¡± I didn¡¯t like being cleaned up after.

    ¡°I thought you wanted to be bossed around.¡±

    ¡°I do but ¨C¡±

    ¡°Then get dressed. I am changing the bedding.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡±

    ¡°And you shouldn¡¯t think of the results of what you do with someone else as just your mess.¡±

    I sighed, ¡°Okay.¡±

    Victoria looked at me curiously when she saw me loading my pistol.

    ¡°You really need that for dinner?¡±

    I shrugged, ¡°probably not, but I¡¯ve had a gun of some sort on me in public since I was 12, been shooting since I was eight, with an old flintlock musket. I feel a little naked without something.¡±

    ¡°Eight? That must have been dangerous.¡±

    ¡°Nah, used less than half a charge, and I grew up in a forest, it was dangerous not to have something to scare wild animals off.¡±

    ¡°Damn woman you must have had quite the childhood. You must be a good shot.¡±

    ¡°If I can rest the gun on something, or if it''s small caliber, otherwise I don¡¯t have the strength for it.¡±

    I put the now loaded revolver in its holster. Victoria finished making the bed and stood by the door.

    ¡°Zal, I need you to understand, you don¡¯t actually have to listen to me, you can say stop or don¡¯t or just not listen. I won¡¯t be hurt, this is work for me.¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    ¡°Also, should I get a shirt?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s up to you isn¡¯t it?¡±

    ¡°Let me rephrase, will your friends be uncomfortable?¡±

    I laughed ¡°No, gods no. We have been naked around each other so many times. We¡¯ve kept watch for each other while one couple fucks, once we had sex next to each other.¡±

    ¡°For fun? Not that I know you but that doesn¡¯t seem like you.¡±

    ¡°No, we were in a rush, and there was only one shed, and we couldn¡¯t agree on which couple should get it so we went with both.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but smile thinking back to when Anne and I were together.

    ¡°Okay so no shirt, and we will eat in the dining car. It¡¯ll be good to get out of here for a bit.¡±

    ¡°Oh, you don¡¯t want a shirt for that?¡±

    ¡°You should know, one of the advantages of being a succubus is you and people with you can get away with more. I might be asked to leave if I was with a human man, certainly would be if I was alone, but with you there will be no issue.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t really answer my question.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m working for you right now. Tell me honestly, do you want me to put on a shirt?¡±

    ¡°Of course not.¡±

    ¡°Then no shirt.¡± She winked at me and I couldn¡¯t help but smile.

    It had only been a few hours but everything with Victoria was so intense it felt like I hadn¡¯t seen my friends in days. They were playing poker, using coasters as chips.

    ¡°What are you playing for?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Zalgeth! You¡¯re alive! You look better!¡± Anne was so happy to see me. It hurt a little.

    ¡°The bar has a lot of beer,¡± Kate explained, ¡°so we figured we would drink the other stuff when we¡¯re here, and take the beer when we leave. One coaster is one bottle, you want in?¡±

    ¡°Maybe later,¡± I answered.

    ¡°Actually,¡± Victoria said, ¡°we were going for dinner in the dining car and I don¡¯t know if you three already ate but Zal wants ¨C ¡±

    ¡°Her name is Zalgeth.¡±

    ¡°Rebecca, it¡¯s fine. I am trying to be, less thorny, I don¡¯t know.¡±

    She looked at Victoria.You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    ¡°Well,¡± Rebecca said while looking at Victoria, unbuttoning her jacket and adjusting her holster, ¡°we should meet the woman who managed to get Zalgeth to open up a bit.¡±

    We three knew how protective Rebecca was so we let her threat linger as we went to the dining car in silence. It felt nice to have someone threatened on my behalf, even if it wasn¡¯t needed. Victoria was too savey not to have noticed, but she didn¡¯t react, keeping a perfectly calm demeanor.¡±

    We got a lot of stares when we entered the dining car but, like Victoria said, no one asked her to put on a shirt. Most of the eyes were on her of course but four soldiers, three not human, in a rich dining car, it was certainly unusual. The hostess took us to the second level which was empty. I suspected discrimination but the second level was nice and quiet and there was a lovely skylight.

    ¡°The fuck is this stuff, squab, venison?¡± I asked Victoria.

    ¡°Squab is pigeon, venison is deer.¡±

    ¡°You mean the shit I hunted cause we couldn¡¯t afford beef or pork is rich people shit?¡±

    ¡°It is hard to get on the coast, and they tend to like whatever is hard to get.¡±

    ¡°To pick it over steak though? Seems a waste.¡±

    ¡°The venison might be a nice reminder of home.¡±

    ¡°I guess.¡±

    Anne, Kate, and Rebecca watched curiously. It was out of character for me to be so open with someone new. They probably thought it was just really good sex, so they were surprised when the waiter came by and I actually ordered the venison.

    ¡°So,¡± Victoria said, putting one arm on the table while leaning back, ¡°I¡¯m Victoria, the brothel General Karter contacted sent me. I will be around this week, helping Zalgeth.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m Kate, this is my wife Rebecca.¡±

    ¡°And I¡¯m Anne.¡±

    Victoria looked at Rebecca even though it sounded like she was talking to the three of them.

    ¡°I would prefer if we could be friendly. I am trying to help, and I want to. Worst part of my job for me is how pointless it feels, and my girlfriend, Catherine, is a succubus, so I know. I get treated differently when I¡¯m out with her, and she of course tells me her struggles, and, this part is selfish, but I wasn¡¯t looking forward to a week of keeping an act up. I know I¡¯ve trained out the accent but just like the rest of you I am a poor girl from deep in the continent and I would rather just be that.¡±

    ¡°Where from?¡± Rebecca asked.

    ¡°Linte.¡±

    ¡°I think I know it,¡± Rebecca said, ¡°Southern savannah, not too far in, on a lake.¡±

    Victoria looked confused, ¡°no, north, near the foothills, we are at the end of a rail line. Ivory hunters passing through is what most of the business is.¡±

    ¡°My wife, you¡¯re being paranoid again.¡± Kate rubbed Rebecca¡¯s back.

    ¡°It is just suspiciously lucky.¡± Rebecca said.

    ¡°I trust her, she, knows things, about succubi, things you can¡¯t just find out.¡± I had to say something, I wanted them to get along.

    Rebecca rolled her eyes, ¡°fine, but I was right to test her.¡± She looked at Victoria, ¡°Your accent is gone, I can¡¯t get a hint of it, and ya can¡¯t trust humans.¡±

    ¡°Of course,¡± Victoria replied, ¡°and I can¡¯t imagine how crazy this shit must be for y¡¯all. What you did is all you, and you deserve the shields, at least from what Zalgeth tells me, but with it happening so fast, and knowing your lives have been changed so much and so quickly all because of a battle on the other side of the world.¡±

    ¡°What?¡± Anne asked, though we were all surprised, and she just said it first.

    ¡°You don¡¯t know?¡± Victoria asked, ¡°It was in the papers last week.¡±

    ¡°We were in a trench being shelled last week.¡± Kate said.

    ¡°Sorry, I knew that, wasn¡¯t thinking.¡± Victoria looked at us.

    ¡°Tell us about it, please.¡± I wanted to know.

    Victoria took a deep breath.

    ¡°Okay so everyone is calling it the battle of the Rosberg Sea. The war is between the Clarenher Empire and some new republic, Triroy, I think, Trira? Doesn¡¯t matter, point is the empire tried to blockade the city of Triroy but they were intercepted and there was a battle right outside the city, lots of people watching. Both sides had a couple of these new kinds of ships called ironclads. They are made of metal, and float barely above the water. No sails, no deck, all enclosed in metal. The wooden ships didn¡¯t matter, the shells bounced off the ironclads. Eventually all the wooden ships retreated and the ironclads fired at each other for hours without any damage done. Eventually one of the empire¡¯s managed to ram one of the republic¡¯s but they still didn¡¯t sink. The impact fucked up the engines on both of them or something, both started smoking and had to be towed away and that was it, that was the battle.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t get it, why does that matter?¡± Anne asked.

    Victoria was excited, she clearly found it fascinating. ¡°Don¡¯t you get it, multiple first rate ships of the line couldn¡¯t damage them, shore artillery couldn¡¯t. They are invincible, at least from the outside. The journalist thinks it is unlikely they could make their way here across open ocean but every great power is working on them, and if they wern¡¯t they sure as fuck are now, and as soon as someone builds an ocean worthy one our entire navy is obsolete. The ship tax has only been enough to convert a few of our ships to steam, never mind building these new ironclads, and we don¡¯t have a lot of coal, we still have to import some, and we would need coiling stations, fortresses full of coal on small islands all along the trade routes, all to fuel these new ironclads. The money has to come from somewhere and a lot of people think that a big part of that somewhere should be the army, but parliament doesn¡¯t want to gut their branch of the military so the government has ground to a halt. Your political purpose is likely to drum up popular support for the army and parliament and remind everyone there is a war in the mountains. For what it¡¯s worth I think it is fucking stupid to gut the army. My parliamentarian sentiments aside, a few ironclads won¡¯t be much of a deterrent to the great powers if they know they will have no opposition if they land troops.¡±

    I laughed a little, trying to ease the tension, ¡°well the General was open about wanting us to get money for the army, just didn¡¯t tell us why.¡±

    Rebecca nodded, ¡°Things will be tense in Marticourt. We shouldn¡¯t say anything about this, maybe pretend we don¡¯t know, focus instead on the trenches, if people ask about where the money should go, say non-threatening things like boots, socks, delousing.¡±

    ¡°Smart.¡± Victoria said in agreement.

    We sat in silence for a bit. The waiter brought buns. Victoria took one for herself and put three on my plate. I started munching away at them, not looking up. It was surprisingly embarrassing. I didn¡¯t know if I would rather my friends think it was some sex thing or the truth that I was genuinely worried about my ability to take care of myself.

    ¡°I don¡¯t like this silence. Mind telling me some stories? I bet you four have some good ones.¡± Victoria¡¯s confidence continued to impress me.

    ¡°Most of war is boring, but we do have some good ones, just don¡¯t want you to get the wrong idea.¡± Kate said.

    ¡°Oh! The great chicken heist, we have to tell her that one.¡± Anne said, excited. She loved sneaking off and disobeying orders. Strange I was the one to kill an officer, seemed more like her thing.

    Rebecca smiled, ¡°we did have some crazy nights in Gannaburg. I wonder if we will ever be able to do shit like that again. I know you made it to a few of ¡®em, but I wish you were there for all of them, Zalgeth.¡±

    ¡°I know, I do too, I just couldn¡¯t stay awake.¡±

    Anne smiled as she said to me, ¡°If you keep fucking and eating this much I will take you out one night. It¡¯s criminal you¡¯ve been in the army so long and haven¡¯t had the energy for a truely fucked up night.¡±

    ¡°Anne.¡± Rebecca said, sternly.

    ¡°What? Stop talking to me like I can¡¯t care about her, like I don¡¯t. I want her in my life.¡± Anne was mad, she wasn¡¯t yelling, but she didn¡¯t have the level head that Rebecca did.

    ¡°We talked about this Anne, you agreed.¡±

    ¡°Did I? Or did you two corner me and tell me what to do. No fucking way did Zal ask you two shits to talk to me. And how tall are you anyway Rebecca, 6¡¯6¡±. 6¡¯7¡±, ¡®cause I am only 5¡¯3¡±, I wouldn¡¯t stand a chance against you.¡±

    ¡°Anne, you know I wouldn¡¯t hurt you.¡±

    ¡°Do I? ¡®Cause a few minutes ago you threatened to shoot Victoria.¡±

    ¡°Not really, and ¨C¡±

    ¡°What the fuck, no, not ¡°not really¡±. You think if you don¡¯t say it, if you¡¯re subtle enough it¡¯s not a real threat, like you¡¯re not a war hero threatening an unarmed woman, and for fucking what, helping Zal? Victoria did in a few hours what I spent months trying to do. Did you see Zal? She came out of that bedroom without needing the rails on the wall, she was smiling, her skin has real color in it, there is a light in her eyes I haven¡¯t seen before. It took all I had not to run to Zal and kiss her like I used to, fuck, I wanted to kiss Victoria too. Look, she even has her eating even though she had a massive breakfast with us.¡±

    I looked down and was surprised to see I was still eating the bread Victoria had put on my plate.

    ¡°But Anne, after what happened at the General¡¯s I thought ¨C¡±

    ¡°Maybe you shouldn¡¯t think, you aren¡¯t that good at it.¡±

    ¡°We talked about it.¡±

    ¡°When Zal was sleeping right there in the carriage, you know I can¡¯t keep my voice down, fuck, listen to me now, I¡¯m basically yelling.¡±

    ¡°Yea, pull yourself together Anne.¡± Kate said to her.

    ¡°No, fuck that, I¡¯m done pretending my heart didn¡¯t break the moment I fell in love with Zal, and that it didn¡¯t break again on the bathroom floor. The last time I will get to hold her, my last kiss with her, and I know how much it hurt her. The woman I love was in so much pain she couldn¡¯t stand, she could barely move, and only then was my touch, my kiss, the less painful option. She didn¡¯t want to kiss me, and I didn¡¯t get to hold her after or help her up or help her get dressed or feel her leaning on my shoulder as I hold her up. I had to be strong for Zal, but you two were always there. I haven¡¯t had a moment alone since I did the worst thing I ever had to do. I am gonna have nightmares about how hurt Zal was after what should have been an act of love and care, and after she saved our lives. We¡¯re all getting the shields but we know it was all her, even you Mrs. can¡¯t trust humans didn¡¯t have the guts for it.¡±

    ¡°Careful.¡± Kate said.

    Anne laughed, tearing up a little. ¡°Oh it¡¯s pretty gods damn clear I don¡¯t do careful. I joined the army to be a better mother, to give my future children a better start to life than I had, with the pension and healthcare I would get, but I cozy up to the one woman out of hundreds who I can¡¯t start a family with and whoops I fell in love with her. She just seemed lonely, or maybe some part of me knew. And you Rebecca just fucking had to rub salt in my wounds all fucking day. After I told Zal I couldn¡¯t be with her it hurt so gods damn much that I talked to you two about it so you fucking knew how I felt about her and she is right there leaning against the window sleeping instead of against me where she belongs, and for how little you trust Victoria, for all your beastfolk solidarity talk, it seems you are fine with humans when you''re using your wife¡¯s humanity to start a family, isn''t that right Rebecca? ¡®Cause for hours, fucking hours you two are all cuddly talking about how many kids you are gonna adopt. Where are you gonna live, are you gonna homeschool them, what names you like, seeing them grow up. And I am right there and so is Zal and we can¡¯t and I had to listen to you two have everything I wanted with her, everything I couldn¡¯t have. Do you even know the law?¡±

    ¡°Demons can¡¯t adopt?¡± Rebecca was clearly unsure.

    ¡°Nope! If only.¡± Anne smiled, it was unsettling. She leaned towards Rebecca and continued in a stage whisper. ¡°I bet Victoria knows though, I bet she has every word of it burned into her soul from all the time spent crying over it, like I have. Can¡¯t trust humans though, right Rebecca?¡±

    I was thankful Rebecca had enough sense not to respond.

    ¡°Victoria dear,¡± Anne continued, in a normal speaking voice, or as normal as she could manage considering she was all anger and pain at this point. ¡°What¡¯s the law?¡±

    Victoria looked a little shell shocked, but her voice was steady, calm.

    ¡°Demons, as God has made them universally infertile, are by nature and by God unfit parents. Demons¡¯ perverse physical and emotional needs cause irreparable harm to any child they are in extended and repeated contact with. Any parent who allows such contact shall be deemed an unfit parent and may lose access to their children. Criminal charges may be applied.¡±

    ¡°See Rebecca, some of us are not so blind as to not recognize our sisters. Look at her, she can barely hold herself together after that, and you threatened her.¡±

    Anne was right, Victoria was struggling. I took her hand in mine and gently rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. I was fine, for now. It was like after I murdered the lieutenant, it would hit me later, for now I could try to comfort Victoria a little.

    ¡°Anne, Rebecca and I are ¨C¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t.¡±

    ¡°We ¨C¡±

    ¡°Fucking don¡¯t!¡±

    Anne owned the silence. She waited until Kate and Rebecca knew that before she continued.

    ¡°I feel dirty now. Both of you held me when I went to you for help, it was the day I learned that law. When Zal said she couldn¡¯t have a family I thought it was just that she couldn¡¯t adopt, like us beastfolk, and I could work with that. I could get pregnant and we could raise the kid, who cares if it isn¡¯t legally Zal¡¯s but no, they would take our child away. We would have to keep it secret. I would never hear our child call her mom, never live together, no public affection, and one slip up and we lose everything. And when the woman you knew I still loved was in the next room fucking some whore instead of me, no offense Victoria I know now you¡¯re amazing, you two were counting out bottles of beer for fucking poker. Are you too stupid to think to comfort me or did you just not give a fuck?¡±

    ¡°We thought if we didn¡¯t acknowledge your feelings, your relationship, it would be easier for you to get over.¡± Kate explained.

    ¡°Too stupid then. I shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve but while we were playing and you two started planning visits to meet each other¡¯s families I imagined Zal meeting my family. It¡¯s massive and they are so important to me, but that damn law.  Even just bringing Zal every solstice could get my siblings taken away from my parents, so we couldn¡¯t even have that. It¡¯s somehow worse that one visit is legal, like a drop of water in the desert, a taste of the life we could have had together. And you two just kept taking, just, fuck both of you.¡±

    ¡°Anne, we were trying to help.¡±

    ¡°Shut the fuck up Kate. I wonder what Rebecca thinks, if she can manage to say anything, after all, it is harder than threatening to shoot an unarmed woman a foot shorter than her.¡±

    Rebecca took a breath. ¡°We thought it was an infatuation. We thought since you wanted a family, and you talked about your ex-boyfriends, and then being around only women, and Zalgeth can be intense, passionate, and we¡¯ve seen each other naked.¡±

    ¡°What is your gods damn point woman!¡±

    ¡°Zal is beautiful, and tall, and she is a lot, with ya know, and well with you only having ex-boyfriends.¡±

    ¡°Oh, ew, okay, just no. What the fuck is wrong with you two? Do you think so little of me, of bi women, that I would come to you crying about being in love with her multiple times and I¡¯m wrong and it¡¯s just ¡®cause she is pretty and has a big dick and I just think that is love, like I¡¯m one of those best of both worlds creeps. Fuck both of you. Is it a succubus thing or would you be this shitty about it if she was a trans woman? What kind of shit do you really, actually no, I don¡¯t need to know, I don¡¯t care, I can¡¯t anymore. I¡¯m done. Sorry Victoria, and we should talk sometime Zal, obviously.¡±

    Anne started to leave but Victoria grabbed her arm.

    ¡°Please, stay.¡±

    Anne nodded and sat back down. Victoria then took a key out of her pocket and put it on the table.

    ¡°This is the key to my cabin, the number is printed on it. You should stay there the rest of the trip. The bed is a little small but you can deal with it. Someone will stop by for my stuff at some point. Do I need to ask for your pistols?¡±

    ¡°No,¡± Rebecca said, ¡°I would never.¡±

    ¡°Rebecca, sweetheart, we should. Victoria doesn¡¯t know us and I think we made the worst possible first impression.¡±

    Rebecca shrugged and they both put their hands up. I took their revolvers. Kate¡¯s wasn¡¯t loaded, but Rebecca¡¯s was.

    ¡°Ask them to send your food to the cabin, and don¡¯t try to talk to us, we will reach out if we want to.¡± Victoria was perfect. I was in no state to deal with this, and Anne really wasn¡¯t.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± Kate said, not looking at us. ¡°We were clearly in the wrong about, we will, I don¡¯t know what to, I, sorry.¡±

    They left and we sat in silence. I didn¡¯t like it. I looked at Victoria and sighed dramatically.

    ¡°I should have had you put on a shirt.¡±

    She laughed a little, ¡°yea.¡±

 Chapter 5

    Anne and Victoria cared so much about me and they were clearly hurting, so I took three more pieces of bread and started eating. It wasn¡¯t a great idea but it was the only one I had. If they were worried I wasn¡¯t eating enough I would eat more.

    Victoria frowned at me, ¡°You don¡¯t have to.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know how else to cheer you two up. I¡¯m open to suggestions.¡±

    ¡°Zal¡­¡± Anne sounded so sad. I hated it.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t know how you really felt about me.¡±

    ¡°No Zal, no no no don¡¯t be sorry. I lied to you and you believed me, you trusted me.¡±

    ¡°I still trust you, I always will, and I will always believe you. I don¡¯t care that you lied, you needed me to believe the lies, and I did, so no harm done.¡±

    ¡°Even though I didn¡¯t choose you?¡±

    ¡°Of course I¡¯m heartbroken, but if I could have what you could have I don¡¯t think I would choose me.¡±

    ¡°No! Don¡¯t tell me that!¡±

    ¡°Sorry, just trying to make you feel better.¡±

    We heard the waiter coming upstairs with our food so we stopped talking. When he left Anne continued.

    ¡°I know Zal, I know, but how am I not supposed to hate everything knowing we want the same things. I¡¯m so angry I can¡¯t even process it.¡±

    ¡°I smoke a lot, tried drinking, but weed works better.¡± Victoria wasn¡¯t joking. Anne ignored her.

    ¡°How can I be a good mother when I know my child is why I gave up Zal, how do I keep my resentment from poisoning them, and if I stay with you how do I keep from hating you for making me give up on my dreams, for keeping me from my family. Fuck, even now, will I ever be able to be live them again without thinking, I gave up Zal for this, I gave up Zal for this, over and over until it wears me down.¡±

    ¡°Anne, Catherine and I, when my little sister was still underaged, we took the third weekend of each month and I would see my sister and she would stay with her demon friends. I of course told her all about Catherine and after her 18th birthday we had a meet Catherine dinner and yea it was sad but it was fun and it worked out.¡±

    ¡°Zal doesn¡¯t have any demon friends.¡±

    ¡°Yea but she¡¯ll get some soon, right Zal?¡±

    ¡°Yea, I will¡­¡±

    We ate in silence for a bit. The food was good.

    ¡°You were right Victoria,¡± I said, ¡°It¡¯s wildly different from the deer I had growing up but it still reminds me of home, of my mom.¡±

    Victoria smiled, not enough to seem happy, just less sad, as she looked at us and said,

    ¡°I forgot about her. Someone else who loves a succubus, in a different way, but still.¡±

    ¡°I wish she was here. She knows about you Anne, my letters home were mostly about you. I didn¡¯t tell her about, well, but she must know it went wrong between us. I barely wrote anything after that, just enough to let her know I was still alive.¡±

    ¡°What does she think of me?¡±

    ¡°That you¡¯re too timid, not focused. That intensity I have that Rebecca pointed out comes from her.¡±

    Victoria laughed, it was fake, but I was glad she was trying. ¡°Yea I think the mother that gives her eight year old a musket might be a little intense.¡±

    ¡°She was right to, for the animals, and it was only a few years until men started to be an issue, and it would have sucked having no experience with guns and dealing with that.¡±

    I waited, eating a little more, to see if they wanted to say anything. They didn¡¯t so I continued.

    ¡°I wish she was here. I wish she saw you lose your shit at those two. She would be proud of me for falling for a woman who could do that. I should write her. It will take ages to get to her and she will rip me apart for not writing about what happened with Anne right after it happened, but I don¡¯t know maybe her being aromantic will let her see something we¡¯re missing.¡±

    Anne laughed, ¡°scraping the bottom of the barrel.¡±

    ¡°At least we have Victoria, she must be from the top of the barrel.¡±

    ¡°Thanks.¡±

    Anne and I said you¡¯re welcome at the same time.

    We finished eating without saying anything more. Victoria was looking at Anne and I, clearly considering something.

    ¡°What is it?¡± I asked her.

    ¡°I know why I chose to date Catherine seriously, and I think it makes sense for you two, but I don¡¯t know I just met you today and I hope it isn¡¯t trauma bonding tricking me but it will eat away at me if I don¡¯t tell you, but if I do and ruin your lives you need to to promise you won¡¯t blame me and you won¡¯t rush into it. And Catherine and I don¡¯t have the most perfect relationship. We are at seven years, but that isn¡¯t forever.¡±

    ¡°I could never blame you, if it goes bad between me and Zal that is the fault of the world, not me, not Zal, not you.¡±

    I nodded in agreement.

    ¡°The reason I chose Catherine was because she can consent. Anne, if you have a kid and start to resent them, they didn¡¯t agree to that. Your kid and I guess your younger family members can¡¯t possibly understand, but Zal does. She knows you might need to leave if you miss your family or something happens and they need help, and most importantly, Zal can be with you knowing you might resent or even hate her one day, your future kid can¡¯t.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can do that, take away what she dreamed of her entire life.¡±

    Anne smiled at me, ¡°even if I asked you to?¡±

    ¡°Please don¡¯t, not yet at least.¡±

    ¡°Before you two think about it, there is something else.¡± Victoria turned to Anne and took one of her hands in both of hers.

    ¡°When you were having your outburst you called me your sister, why? What does that mean to you?¡±

    ¡°I hated you when you first showed up, for obvious reasons, but when you came out of the bedroom with Zal you looked queer and Zal seemed so comfortable around you. I don¡¯t think I have ever seen her like that except when she was alone with me, and I was grateful that you helped her and she was comfortable and it was like I knew you were safe and you reminded me of me and then when you brought up Catherine it all made sense, and I was so mad at Rebecca ¨C¡±

    Anne¡¯s tail puffed up a little, and I didn¡¯t want her getting worked up again.

    ¡°Victoria, is that enough, maybe we shouldn¡¯t talk about it anymore, for tonight at least.¡±

    She looked at Anne, ¡°yea, I don¡¯t think we need to, but point is, and I don¡¯t want to put anything specific in your head, but family can look a lot of different ways. Not having kids doesn¡¯t mean not having a family.¡±

    Anne frowned, ¡°I know but¡­¡±

    I looked away because I didn¡¯t want to see her looking at me. As selfish as it was I didn¡¯t like how right now our relationship, what we could be, was on me. It was easier when I couldn¡¯t give Anne what she wanted and that was it. I couldn¡¯t be excited about the idea of being with her again, at least not right now, I just wanted an answer, one that was clearly right, I hated not knowing what to do.

    ¡°In that case, ¡° Victoria said, ¡°let¡¯s pick up some dessert and head back to our car?¡±

    I stood up in agreement and they did too shortly after.

    Anne looked so small. I couldn¡¯t tell if it was because she was tired after her outburst or if it was because she seemed larger than life when she stood up for herself. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.

    The variety of deserts was overwhelming. I had already eaten far more than I normally do so none of it looked appealing. I had cake and various sweet fried doughs before but the shapes and colors were unlike anything I had seen on food before and I couldn¡¯t understand how they were supposed to communicate what it would taste like. It didn¡¯t help that the flavors were almost all spices which were out of my budget so I had no idea what any of them tasted like. Anne was just as confused as I was.

    ¡°Anything in particular catch your eye?¡± Victoria asked.

    ¡°Maybe something plain?¡± Anne replied.

    ¡°Cheesecake then, no spices on it other than a little cinnamon on top.¡±

    Victoria lifted the glass case and gave Anne one slice, took one for herself, and gave me two.

    ¡°If I throw up, you are cleaning it.¡±

    Victoria laughed, ¡°don¡¯t be so dramatic you¡¯ll be fine.¡±

    Victoria and I had a little panic when we got back to the private car, we had forgotten to ask for the key, thankfully Anne still had it. I thought I wasn¡¯t afraid of Rebecca, even after Anne told us how she acted, but when we got in the private car and locked it, the only key with Anne, Kate and Rebecca¡¯s revolvers in my pocket, I let out a breath I didn¡¯t realize I was holding.

    I wasn¡¯t paying attention to Anne, I don¡¯t know why, I guess I just didn¡¯t notice her, so when she hugged me after I put my plate on the coffee table I was surprised. I was worried, it felt too soon, or too fast, that with no one else who could be here to comfort her, no one she really knew, I was all she had for comfort and I didn¡¯t want her to feel forced to come to me. How could we talk about her future when I was here with her on this train, in our own little social bubble that was just us and Victoria. She should be with her family, or be able to be with them. I could already tell Victoria¡¯s point about consent had convinced Anne, it wasn¡¯t hard to figure out, but it was too fast for me. It wasn¡¯t that I thought it was going to happen, but it might, she might hate me one day. If this was as far as we went I would know she loved me, that she would always love me. I was ashamed, a part of me was afraid, and that fear made a small part of me want to push her away. I¡¯m not a coward though. Not a coward. If it was best I risk her hating me than I risk it. If she wants my comfort then I trust her to be able to pull away if she wants, I had to. It took barely a second to think this through before I pulled her close with one hand and scratched behind her ears with the other one. I missed how her cat ears moved a little with every touch, it was cute. She buried her face in between my breasts and I braced myself because I expected her to start crying, but instead she started purring. She was happy in my arms, with me. I don¡¯t know why I didn¡¯t think Anne could be happy with me, I always imagined a future with her where she was less sad, content at best. Years later she might hug me like this when I came home to her, or when she came home to me. I cried a little at that thought, holding back enough that Anne didn¡¯t notice. Victoria, of course, did. She looked at me questioningly so I smiled at her and shook my head, hoping to let her know the tears were good and that I didn¡¯t want her to say anything to Anne. For a while I wanted this moment to last forever, but forever is a long time and standing started to hurt.

    ¡°You can keep cuddling me, but Anne, I would like to sit down, maybe eat, my legs hurt.¡±

    She nodded, keeping her head against me. It was an awkward shuffle to make it to the couch to sit down because Anne didn¡¯t let go of me.

    I ate as Anne sat on my lap, still holding me, purring, though not as tightly and as loudly as before. Victoria slid my cheesecake down the coffee table to me and got a fork. The cake was amazing, but heavy, too heavy.

    ¡°I¡¯m not gonna be able to manage half a slice, never mind two.¡±

    ¡°Truth is, I don¡¯t know how much you should have, just that you should be eating until you can¡¯t have anymore. I was hoping to get you used to the idea of taking more than you need and eating until you are completely full. If you do that for long enough you will eventually get an idea of how much you should be eating.¡±

    ¡°Clever.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m only with you for a few days so I wanted to teach you things you can keep, I mean will keep doing without me.¡±

    ¡°Yea, I¡¯ll miss you.¡± Anne said, her voice muffled by, well, me.

    ¡°About that,¡± Victoria looked a little uncomfortable as she spoke, ¡°and this is definitely trauma bonding, but I want to hear from you two after this, maybe see you, whatever you end up deciding with each other. I take trips like this for work sometimes, or you could come back to Gannaburg, I¡¯m, invested, at this point. You have to at least write, I will leave my address, I¡¯ll worry if you don¡¯t.¡±

    Anne adjusted herself to be able to look at Victoria.

    ¡°I would like to hang out with you and Catherine sometime and just, talk about things, or just bitch. Like I don¡¯t know if this happened to you Victoria, but it was so weird when I first started trying to, I guess date, Zal. She is so dense. I touched her so much, flirted as hard as I could, sometimes I thought I went too far and felt gross at the thought I might have pushed her, and all these people, most of them I never said a word to, pulled me aside to ask if she was taking advantage of me, if she was hurting me.¡± Anne laughed a little, ¡°One time, Zal was complaining about how much she had to spend on prostitutes so I said ¡°You could just fuck me.¡± and she told me I was too nice and not to worry about it, and people were worried she was taking advantage of me.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t remember that.¡±

    ¡°Of course not, it didn¡¯t occur to you that I wanted to, that it wasn¡¯t some weird favor, which, by the way, no one does that as a favor. And when we did get together, finally, even more people asked me if I¡¯m okay, and strangers were keeping an eye on us, like, sorry Zal, but you are so basic with sex, not that I didn¡¯t enjoy it, not that I don¡¯t miss it, but you wouldn¡¯t believe it Victoria it was like every time I had to remind her it was supposed to be fun, and everyone was worried about me, not Zal.¡±

    Victoria smiled, ¡°I believe it, my parents were worried about me even though I asked Catherine out, and I believe you about Zal. Quite the achievement being a repressed succubus. You know what she said to me? That it was ¡°easier¡± to use her dick for sex with me because I am a woman.¡±

    ¡°Zal! No! That¡¯s awful, you didn¡¯t.¡± She gently slapped my shoulder, nowhere near hard enough to hurt, it was just to make her point. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Victoria, I will teach her. I should''ve, I mean. I can¡¯t believe I didn¡¯t talk to her about it, I just thought that was the kind of sex she liked.¡±

    ¡°Anne, I haven¡¯t agreed to try again.¡±

    She held me tighter, ¡°I know, don¡¯t remind me¡­ and how are you not ashamed of yourself right now?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m thinking.¡±

    ¡°About what?¡±

    ¡°... When you said people were worried about you, not me, did you mean they should have worried about me?¡±

    ¡°Well, yea, I am so much more experienced than you, and I pursued you, and as far as I am concerned I took your virginity. I know it¡¯s not technically true but sex where both people want it is different, and, like if someone wanted you, and you didn¡¯t have me, they would have just had to take your wallet and then you wouldn¡¯t have been able to afford ¨C¡±

    Victoria interrupted her, ¡°Anne, not tonight.¡±

    ¡°Right, sorry Zal.¡±

    Victoria wasn¡¯t fast enough, I knew where Anne was going and I held onto her as tight as I could. Why didn¡¯t I realize how vulnerable I was? I was so focused on the idea that a gun could protect me, that if I was quick on the draw and aware of what was around me I was safe but ¨C

    Victoria put her hands on my cheeks and forced me to look at her.

    ¡°Zal,¡± she was almost shouting, ¡°what do you want to do in Marticourt?¡±

    ¡°I, what, what about ¨C¡±

    ¡°Nope, what do you want to do in the big city with your time off and some money?¡±

    ¡°I, um¡­ I want to try a proper steam room. Hot showers and baths have always helped with pain, helped relax my muscles and I wonder if the effect would be more in a steam room.¡±

    ¡°What else?¡± Victoria asked, letting go of my face.

    ¡°Uh, I¡¯m curious about pharmacies in the city. I got most of what my mom made medicine out of from the forest, but in the city that is impossible so how do they do supply chain stuff, how do they afford it, are there pre-made versions of everything, and to me medicine is part of the land, so how do they manage that? I know it is a science but I didn¡¯t learn much of that part. I also wonder just what they have, what is trendy, does medicine have trends in the city? Now that I think about it, is there demon medicine? I know we are generally poor but with enough of us maybe we could support a place that actually knows what stuff does. I¡¯ve never taken medicine.¡±

    ¡°And?¡±

    ¡°I know you want me to, that I should, and I do want to, meet other succubi, but that scares me and I don¡¯t know if I am ready. I learned what little I know about myself from reading and I want to see what books proper libraries and bookstores have about succubi.¡±

    ¡°Anything else?¡±

    ¡°I think that¡¯s it, uh, a horse? I don¡¯t know how to get around, and how would I keep it from getting stolen? But, yea, a nice horse would be, nice.¡±

    ¡°I want to see a proper beastfolk tailor,¡± Anne said snuggling into me, ¡°all these army uniforms are for humans, too heavy, summer is awful, and it pulls at my fur sometimes, just awful, and I want dresses, I prefer them when it¡¯s warm out.¡±

    ¡°Yea,¡± Victoria laughed, ¡°some of us look too good in suits and have to suffer through the heat, right Zal?¡±

    ¡°Never been able to afford one, there wasn¡¯t a reason to spend the money.¡±

    ¡°We can have a clothes day!¡± Anne could fill herself with joy so easily, I was a little jealous.

    The following silence didn¡¯t last long. Thankfully I wasn¡¯t spiraling anymore, but Anne was clearly worried about the possibility and after looking between Victoria and I to see if we wanted to say anything she spoke up.

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to sleep alone. I never really have, and after today, and even though I was scared of those two, I thought they would be here, and especially after today, I just don¡¯t want to be alone. I don¡¯t care if you need or want to have sex with Victoria just let me know when you¡¯re done. Ugh that¡¯s weird, I should feel gross about that right? Or be turned on? Less neutral, I don¡¯t know.¡±

    Victoria shook her head, ¡°No sex tonight, this day has been a lot, and tomorrow will be tough too, lots to talk about.¡±

    ¡°I thought stress meant I should? Didn¡¯t you imply that?¡±

    ¡°We will talk tomorrow.¡± Victoria replied sternly, not in a mean way, just to let me know not to talk about it anymore.

    Anne was still in my lap, and since she brought it up I could now tell she was tired. I had a concern, and I felt bad bringing it up, but I wanted to be careful with Anne, and I guess I should want to be careful with myself.

    ¡°Anne, not that I don¡¯t want to, but we should be careful, try to keep a clear head for tomorrow. Maybe Victoria could sleep between us?¡±

    ¡°No.¡± Victoria replied. ¡°I mean look at you two, you¡¯re so cute, and when Anne started purring you cried.¡±

    ¡°You cried?¡± Anne said, looking up at me worried.

    ¡°Good crying, happy, and just a little.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡± She said, settling back into my lap.

    ¡°See?¡± Victoria said, ¡°I can¡¯t.¡±

    I sighed and looked down at Anne, ¡°Yea, I see your point.¡±

    Victoria took one side of the bed, Anne and I took the other. I shouldn¡¯t have worried, I was asleep before I could feel anything about being so close to Anne again.

 Chapter 6

    I was still holding Anne when I woke up. As much as I wanted to stay, Victoria had already left and I was sore. I tried so hard to get up without waking Anne but I failed.

    ¡°Noooo,¡± she whined, rolling over and grabbing onto me, ¡°don¡¯t go.¡±

    ¡°Anne, everything hurts a little, I need to shake it off, and I need to pee.¡±

    She let go, ¡°Fine, but I¡¯m getting up too then.¡±

    ¡°Sure.¡± I laughed a little. Anne did not wake up quickly. It is a miracle she made it through basic.

    I almost fell when the train turned but otherwise I managed to relieve myself and fall onto a couch without issue. Victoria was sitting at a table reading from her little notebook, wearing the same suit she wore yesterday but with a black shirt and a gray skinny tie.

    ¡°Good morning.¡± She said, still reading.

    I groaned, ¡°I guess, sorry I¡¯m still in my underwear, my uniform is on the floor and that wasn¡¯t going to happen.¡±

    ¡°I understand.¡±

    ¡°What time is it? I see you got your stuff from your cabin.¡±

    ¡°10ish. I was up at like 6, it¡¯s petty, but I figured I would send a steward early to get my stuff, hopefully I woke them up.¡±

    ¡°Did you not sleep well?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Want to talk about it?¡±

    ¡°When Anne gets up, I don¡¯t want to have to repeat myself.¡±

    ¡°That might take some time, I woke her up when I got up, but it takes her a while.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s fine. I wasn¡¯t sure when you two would want breakfast so I got some bread and cheese.¡±

    I hadn¡¯t noticed. Sadly it was on the coffee table in front of the other couch so I had to awkwardly fall on that one to get at the food.

    ¡°Victoria, can you get me some water, sorry.¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    ¡°Thanks, I don¡¯t like disturbing you while you read whatever you¡¯re reading.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry it¡¯s nothing. The test for being a healer is simple, but there is so much to memorize, these are my notes, and when I have free time I just read them over and over again so it sticks.¡±

    ¡°Makes sense.¡±

    I was happy to have bread. I ate too much meat yesterday. I didn¡¯t want any more. It was nicer bread than what I was used to, but still familiar. It was the same with the cheese. I am sure something about it was fancy and expensive but it just tasted like cheese to me.

    It took about 20 minutes for Anne to wake up, then another 10 or so for her to shower and get dressed. She yawned as she sat down next to me.

    ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m still so sleepy, I didn¡¯t mean to keep y¡¯all waiting.¡±

    ¡°Actually we both kept Victoria waiting.¡±

    ¡°Actually it¡¯s fine, I am glad you slept. You two have been through so much these past few days.¡±

    ¡°I hope the worst of it is over.¡± I said.

    We ate for a little while longer while Victoria read.

    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, closing her notebook. ¡°The train has a stop today, I think we should get papers, everything we can on the battle of the Rosberg Sea and the state of politics in the capitol, and a change of clothes for you two.¡±

    ¡°We haven¡¯t been paid yet, we don¡¯t have any money.¡± Anne said.

    ¡°Okay then forget the clothes, I will pay for the newspapers. I guess I can ask around. I am sure if I explain the situation they will be able to wash your uniforms quickly so you two can sleep naked tonight and have clean clothes in the morning.¡±

    ¡°We can go a week with dirty clothes, It was two weeks at a time in the trenches.¡±

    ¡°Zal, this isn¡¯t the trenches, I am trying to raise your standards.¡±

    ¡°Right.¡±

    ¡°Are you awake enough for a hard conversation?¡± Victoria asked Anne.

    ¡°Yea, yea, but, if I yawn, don¡¯t be mad.¡±

    Victoria nodded, ¡°This was supposed to be easy money for me, I assumed the General had hired some succubus to help him keep up his act in the capitol ¨C¡±

    ¡°His act?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°He¡¯s gay.¡±

    ¡°Really? I didn¡¯t get that at all.¡±

    ¡°He hides it well, anyway, I thought I was here for the succubus and was expecting to have some public dinners and some emotionless professional sex with a succubus, but obviously that didn¡¯t happen. With Zal I figured that I could handle things. I am trying to be a healer professionally so while I have no experience and felt horribly underqualified I knew I was better than the nothing Zal had so I could, and should, help her. Then when Anne, let''s say, explained, the situation it was clear that this wasn¡¯t close to what I signed up for. I had to help, of course I did, we are sisters in a way, fighting the same fight, but I try to keep my personal and professional life separate and I think it is obvious after yesterday you two are on the personal side of things.¡±

    I frowned a little, ¡°Victoria, that puts me in a difficult position.¡±

    ¡°I know, I was going to suggest you find a place at every stop but I thought you had been paid. Now I know that isn¡¯t an option. You¡¯ve gone longer without it though so it¡¯s possible, even though it is bad for you. This is a hard line for me. It is too personal, too many emotions involved, and you two love each other. Yesterday I was worried about pushing you together, but after sleeping on it I am more worried about keeping you two apart. I know what it¡¯s like. I am in love with someone the world doesn¡¯t want me to love, and I remember in the beginning we were so afraid and had so much doubt that we could be good together. That doubt didn¡¯t win then and while for a brief moment it won yesterday I am not going to let it win now. I want to be for you what I wish I had. Anne and Zal, you two clearly love each other and belong together. You are both trying to be so careful but love like ours can¡¯t be careful, not in this world. The Anne that stood up for herself yesterday, and the Zal that did whatever really happened in the trenches, that is why you two can be together, should be together. I am excited to go on double dates with you, to see how you grow as a couple, just to see you together. It won¡¯t always be easy, but trust me, there is joy in fighting for your love, and you aren¡¯t alone, and you two are a cute couple. I still want to teach both of you about Zal¡¯s health, you don¡¯t know enough, but for now I am going to the bedroom to read, maybe take a nap, you two talk it over, knock when you¡¯re done.¡±

    Anne and I turned sideways on the couch so we were facing each other.

    She looked at me sweetly, ¡°I didn¡¯t expect that, but it makes sense. I¡¯m glad she told us. I already feel bad, I don¡¯t want to make her more uncomfortable.¡±

    ¡°And she has been so helpful, I don¡¯t know what we would have done without her.¡±

    ¡°And she said such nice things about us.¡±

    There was a brief silence before Anne leaned against me and held my hand.

    ¡°Zal¡­You know I want to try being together again, properly this time. Victoria¡¯s argument about consent convinced me, but it is more than that. I am angry that you get treated badly, that you can¡¯t live the life humans, or even beastfolk, do. I¡¯m angry at everything and it is scary but it feels good at the same time. I want people to see us together and see how perfect we are and be mad for us too. I want my family mad that you don¡¯t get to be around the young ones. I want people to cry when I tell them what we can¡¯t have. Most importantly though, right now, I am happy with you. Please don¡¯t deny my happiness now for fear of taking away some happiness I might have in the future.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s just, I will make your life harder.¡±

    ¡°No, you are worth it, and even if you do, I love you, and you can¡¯t deny me the choice of making my life a little harder to make the life of the woman I love so much easier. How often did Victoria say you should be having sex?¡±

    ¡°Once a day at least, for the next few years, and she implied it should be more if I am emotional, stressed, or physically exhausted.¡± The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

    ¡°And we both know you won¡¯t be able to manage that on your own, and I don¡¯t want you to, and I like caring for you. The idea that you could go through something rough, that you could be hurting, and have to go to some stranger, it hurts me. And it¡¯s not just the sex, it¡¯s the bad sex when you can¡¯t do much, it¡¯s helping you walk, getting food for you, showering with you, I like caring for you, let me. How dare you consider denying us because of how you being a part of my life makes my life harder when your life will be so much harder without me in it. You are not allowed to care about me and not let me care about you.¡±

    I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hand.

    ¡°Fuck, I¡¯m sorry, you¡¯re right. Of course you care about me, I know that, and as impossible as it feels sometimes that you really want to care about me I should trust you, that you are doing what you want to.¡±

    ¡°Hey hey hey,¡± Anne said softly as she pulled my hand off my face, ¡°Look at me.¡± I did, so she continued, ¡°I love that you care so much about me but I love caring about you, and for the other thing I know you are worried about, Victoria was wrong. I will never resent you or hate you. I was so mad yesterday, it was all I could think of, it consumed me, I actually think I may have anger issues, but it wasn¡¯t at you, not even a little, and it will never be at you. Whatever happens with us I will always love you, even if we don¡¯t stay together the rest of our lives.¡±

    I imagined a life with Anne countless times, but never the moment when I would run out of excuses, out of obstacles, so I didn¡¯t understand it was that moment. I tensed up and started crying. Anne hugged me, telling me it was okay, over and over. It was strange slowly realizing she was really holding me, that we were together again, that we would be together tomorrow, that we would be together the day after tomorrow, that I could kiss her. I couldn¡¯t get the words out but thankfully when I wiped away my tears and pulled her down with me as I fell backwards onto the couch she saw my smile and kissed me. I liked feeling her on top of me, it felt safe. I hadn¡¯t gotten dressed so it was easy for her to reach into my bra and grab my breast. I almost felt confused at how it felt to kiss her like this again, to be touched by her. It felt like it should be a dream.

    After a few minutes Anne sat up and started taking off her uniform. I wanted her, but I didn¡¯t want our first time back together to be a quickie on a couch.

    ¡°Anne, love, can we wait a bit, do this properly, on the bed, take our time with it?¡±

    ¡°Ah fuck, you¡¯re right. How am I more horny than my succubus girlfriend. That is what we are now right, girlfriends?¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    She gave me a quick kiss.

    ¡°Great, I will go kick Victoria out.¡±

    Victoria laughed when she saw Anne. ¡°Went well I take it?¡±

    ¡°Yep, I got her back!¡± Anne was so proud of herself I couldn¡¯t help but be proud of her too, even though that didn¡¯t make sense. ¡°And we would like the bedroom now.¡±

    ¡°Okay but first ¨C¡±

    ¡°Really?¡±

    I had made my way over at that point, using the handrail on the wall.

    ¡°Anne, Zal isn¡¯t doing great today, and you don¡¯t know the basics.¡±

    ¡°Fine.¡± Anne was frustrated.

    ¡°Time matters more than the number of orgasms or the intensity, think of how priests pray for months for a single spell, they don¡¯t just surround themselves with as many holy relics as possible. Magic is slow, you can¡¯t rush it. Also, Zal likely won¡¯t be in pain during it, but the damage is still there, don¡¯t let her push herself too much. Make sure she is comfortable, especially at first. If you want to do something where she is more active, save it until the end, the longer you wait the better, so Zal¡¯s body can heal as much as possible. Don¡¯t overdo it, there¡¯s no need, you two will have lots of time together, and I¡¯m happy for you, both of you.¡±

    ¡°Yea, now out.¡±

    ¡°Anne don¡¯t be rude, thanks for ¨C¡±

    ¡°You can thank her later.¡± Anne was mad, and in this moment, it was cute.

    ¡°Anything in particular you want to do?¡± I asked Anne.

    ¡°I have some ideas, you?¡±

    ¡°Still thinking about kissing you.¡±

    ¡°Fucking prude.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t you mean romantic?¡±

    Anne rolled her eyes at me. She wasn¡¯t trying to be sexy, she was just taking off her clothes as quickly as possible, but I couldn¡¯t keep my eyes off her as I tried to understand that this was really happening. She was more beautiful than I remembered. The curve from her waist to her hips, her little belly, how thick her thighs were, it was all perfect.

    ¡°Are you going to just stand there?¡± Her voice took me out of my trance. I took off my bra and underwear as quick as I could and lay on the bed.

    ¡°That¡¯s better.¡± Anne purred.

    She sat next to me and gently ran her hand up my thigh as she leaned down and kissed me. I gasped a little when she put her hand on my pussy. I didn¡¯t expect it, we had never used that part of me before.

    ¡°I want to try,¡± Anne said, ¡°I don¡¯t know how it will work with you having a dick instead of a clit, but, I want to.¡±

    I nodded. I just wanted her, I didn¡¯t care how.

    After she made her way between my legs she teased me, kissing and licking on and around my pussy, and at the base of my dick where my clit would be. It was as relaxing as it was sexy. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the new sensations. When she slid a finger into me I arched my back a little and moaned. I didn¡¯t know that was what I wanted but as soon as she did it I knew I wanted more. I managed to say ¡°more¡± so Anne added a second finger and put the smallest bit of pressure on my g-spot. I tried to angle my hips to get more but Anne wouldn¡¯t let me so I gave up, accepting that she was going to tease me as long as she liked. It was nice once I was just along for the ride. I started to get these lovely little tremors that ran through my body, each one leaving me more sensitive to the next one. I¡¯d assumed it would end with Anne getting rough but instead she took my dick in her mouth. My eyes were closed so I came from the surprise of it. I could feel myself squeeze her fingers as I came, but Anne, instead of stopping, moved her fingers faster and pushed harder, still sucking me off. My orgasm blended into a second stronger one. It was too much, I couldn¡¯t make any noise, I just shook as Anne stopped moving, taking her mouth off my dick but leaving her fingers in me. She rested her head on my stomach as she waited for me to calm down.

    ¡°How was that?¡± Anne asked as she played with my tail.

    ¡°Good, intense, I don¡¯t know though, I didn¡¯t like that I couldn¡¯t hug or kiss you.¡±

    ¡°Gross, you¡¯re gross.¡± She teased.

    ¡°And yet you love me, so what does that say about you?¡±

    ¡°Nothing, obviously.¡± She kissed me.

    ¡°Now what?¡± I asked.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, any ideas?¡±

    ¡°Something where I can hug and kiss you?¡±

    ¡°Ugh fine, we¡¯ll do the usual, but we are not going to get stuck in a one kind of sex rut again.¡± She was so cute, pretending to be annoyed with me.

    She kissed me and I reached down to play with her pussy. I missed her. I missed fucking someone I knew how to fuck. I knew how to play with her clit, with her breasts, when to start fingering her. I could easily tell when she was about to come so I stopped, leaving her on the edge as I pulled her on top of me so I could kiss and hug her.

    ¡°Tease.¡± She whispered into my ear.

    I laughed, ¡°just returning the favor.¡±

    ¡°Well I¡¯m not playing that game.¡±

    She sat up and unceremoniously guided my dick into her.

    She smiled and let out a satisfied sigh, ¡°I missed us.¡±

    ¡°Me too love.¡± I sat up and looked into her eyes, ¡°Kiss?¡±

    ¡°Like you need to ask.¡± Anne replied as she pulled my face to her¡¯s and kissed me. I liked it, just being in her, not fucking, but not, not fucking. It didn¡¯t last long, Anne didn¡¯t have the patience. She started fucking herself on me. I took the chance to refamiliarize myself with her body. I wrapped my tail around her wrist and kissed her, not just on her lips but on her cheeks, her neck, her chest, her breasts. They were perfect, more than a handful, but not too much more. I ran my fingers through her soft sand colored fur. When we were apart I had forgotten some small details of how she felt, how she moaned, how she reacted to all the ways I could touch her. I wouldn¡¯t let that happen again. When I felt she was close I played with her clit to push her over the edge. I felt her come around me and I did my best to enjoy it and remember every detail.

    Anne always needed at least a little recovery time. I kissed her.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± she said, ¡°I need a little break.¡±

    I kissed her again. ¡°I know love, don¡¯t be sorry. I like just being in you, it lets me feel close to you.¡±

    ¡°Gross.¡±

    ¡°I wonder if we could sleep like this.¡±

    Anne laughed and rested her head on my shoulder. ¡°Very gross, but now I want to try it sometime, I''m curious. I bet we could.¡±

    I rubbed her back and waited for her to be ready for whatever we were doing next.

    Anne started stroking my horns.

    ¡°So,¡± she said, ¡°I know this isn¡¯t your style, and you might not feel up to it, but could you just fuck me, and maybe be a little rough with it.¡±

    ¡°Yea, okay, but I will need cuddles after.¡±

    ¡°Ugh fine, I guess I was going to anyway.¡± She said sarcastically.

    She didn¡¯t move, her head still on my shoulder.

    ¡°Anne, you have to get off me first.¡±

    She groaned unhappily but she did lay down on the bed. I wrapped my tail around her wrist again.

    ¡°Pull if it is too much.¡±

    ¡°It won¡¯t be.¡±

    ¡°I know, still.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡±

    I bent down and kissed her before I guided myself in and started slowly fucking her.

    ¡°Zal, I¡¯m already very warmed up, don¡¯t start so slow, and use your whole length, go as far out as you can without going all the way out.¡±

    I did as she asked and she smiled.

    ¡°Much better. When you thrust in, go as hard as you can, and when you go faster don¡¯t use less, keep using your whole length, just go faster.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you.¡±

    ¡°It won¡¯t hurt, and if it does that¡¯s a good thing.¡±

    I bite my lip. Hearing her say that made me feel something. Anne noticed and laughed at me.

    ¡°Maybe one day we will actually manage to get you to enjoy sex.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m enjoying this.¡±

    ¡°Is it the sex though, or are you just in love with me.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s the love obviously, nothing can be better than that.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re too romantic.¡±

    ¡°Maybe, but what are you going to do about it?¡±

    She rolled her eyes at me. ¡°Just fuck me how I told you to.¡±

    I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I couldn¡¯t keep my eyes off her. She was so beautiful, her breasts and belly shaking with every thrust, and the moans she made were delightful. I didn¡¯t wait for her to ask me to go faster, I just did when I felt like it. I got the impression she wanted me to take charge a little and she seemed to like it. She wasn¡¯t looking at me, or at anything, she was lost in it and I felt so sexy that I did that to her. Anne cried out for more and before I could figure out what that meant she came. She moaned my name as her legs and then her core started shaking. Her legs wrapped around my waist and squeezed, pulling me deeper into her. I didn¡¯t think I was close but seeing her feel so good, knowing I did it, knowing I loved her and she loved me, I couldn¡¯t stop it, I came too.

    I hugged her, and she hugged back. We lay there a few minutes, holding each other through the aftershocks.

    ¡°I love you.¡± Anne whispered.

    ¡°I love you too,¡± I whispered back, ¡°we were stupid to think we could be apart.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

 Chapter 7

    I sat up stretched.

    ¡°Sorry Anne, I wish I could sleep, cuddle more, but I don¡¯t want to spend the whole day in bed.¡±

    ¡°Even a bed with me in it?¡±

    ¡°I would rather we actually do things. I¡¯m looking forward to spending some time with you off this damn train, even if it is just for a little while.¡±

    She sat up too, ¡°I see your point, already kinda sick of this place.¡±

    ¡°Before we get up though, we should talk about Victoria, about what she knows.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I noticed too, shouldn¡¯t have implied anything during my outburst.¡±

    ¡°That is why we are together now, so you can¡¯t be sorry for it, but, do we say anything to Victoria?¡±

    ¡°I trust her, but that doesn¡¯t answer the question.¡±

    ¡°If we don¡¯t say anything more, what would she say, that you said something while yelling that implied something maybe happened that is different from our official story. Not much to go on, but if we say something now she¡¯ll know for sure.¡±

    ¡°And it would mean she would have something to hide, where if we don¡¯t bring it up she can¡¯t really tell anyone anything incriminating.¡±

    ¡°And she outed the General pretty quickly.¡±

    Anne nodded, ¡°So we agree then, say nothing. What about if we run into Kate and Rebecca?¡±

    ¡°Say nothing? They hurt you more, and Victoria, however you want me to deal with them is how I¡®ll deal with them.¡±

    ¡°I like the say nothing, if they approach us just, get them away, but politely.¡± Anne started to get out of bed, ¡°and we should change the bedding. I guess we need to decide how we feel about her sleeping in the bed with us, now that we are together again.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t care, but, I have been, um, with her.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t bother me, and I don¡¯t want you on the couch with your pain, and I don¡¯t want to, maybe can¡¯t, sleep alone, and I like her. I can¡¯t force her on the couch, whatever she wants I want.¡±

    ¡°This is going to be a boring relationship if we don¡¯t find something to fight over.¡±

    Anne laughed, ¡°I¡¯ll keep my eye out for something.¡±

    I felt better. It was nice being able to pick up my uniform off the floor. Something about not being able to do the little things bothered me more than anything else.

    ¡°Wow you two look terrible, you need to start folding your clothes and not just throwing them on the floor.¡± Victoria said to us when we left the bedroom.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, seems like a lot, asking me to take care of myself and my clothes.¡± I replied with a little sarcasm.

    ¡°Speaking of taking care of yourself, we should have lunch here, and then we can find a coffee house at the next stop, get some newspapers or whatever, and,¡± Victoria took a breath ¡°here is my work address and my home address, with my real name.¡± She handed me a page which she must have torn out of her notebook.

    ¡°Oh, which name should we use?¡± Anne asked.

    Victoria shrugged, ¡°I had to choose a fake name for safety, and with hiding my accent Victoria seemed like a good respectable coastal name, so it is an act. I am Safia, but I try to keep it secret for obvious reasons, so maybe stick with Victoria. Not that I expect anyone on the train to gossip, but this still all feels like work, this place¡­¡±

    ¡°I understand.¡± I did, I knew better than most. I hung out with prostitutes all the time when I was younger, no one else treated me normally, and they all had their fair share of horror stories. They were happy to have me around, and I walked them home frequently. Even though succubi aren¡¯t known as threatening I was tall, always armed, and demonic, so I could help set the right tone i f needed. It only happened once, he was drunk, and all it took was taking my musket off my back for him to leave.

    ¡°Can we have lunch here?¡± Anne asked, ¡°I don¡¯t want to risk running into those two.¡±

    ¡°I can get something, if Victoria comes with me or tells me where to go. It would be nice to have a simple meal.¡±

    ¡°They have pies.¡±

    Victoria and I got four meat pies, two for me of course, and made it back to our private car without running into Kate or Rebecca. I managed to eat one and half before the train stopped.

    Anne was fussing with my uniform trying to smooth out as many wrinkles as possible while we waited to be let off the train. Once we were Victoria took the lead and got directions from a friendly cab driver, though she did tip him so the friendliness made sense.

    ¡°So,¡± Victoria explained, ¡°coffee houses are pretty much the only place you will find royalists, parliamentarians, and populists talking, though it isn¡¯t always exactly friendly and the royalists tend to be outnumbered.¡±

    I had never met a populist, at least not knowingly, and while I knew the terrorist image they were painted with probably wasn¡¯t true I was nervous. I felt no need to risk guilt by association, especially now.

    ¡°Is it safe?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Yea, I hang out in a couple of different ones back in Gannaburg. The populists are of the educated type. They might imply violence is necessary but they don¡¯t do anything illegal, and they know how to only imply when they need to avoid saying something.¡±

    Anne held my hand, ¡°There is nothing to be worried about. Parliament considers the coffee houses theirs, and with us being together now it wouldn¡¯t hurt to know some populists, even parliamentarians might not be happy with our relationship. It all depends.¡±

    ¡°Populism isn¡¯t exactly legal though, how do they talk around it?¡± I asked for clarification.

    Anne shrugged, ¡°Not exactly illegal though, as long as they don¡¯t say they want to depose the king or harm any royal it¡¯s fine. I¡¯ve talked politics at countless family dinners and populist points come up, it really isn¡¯t a big deal.¡±

    As I was clearly the least political I trusted Anne knew the truth of it. A lifetime of staying out of politics and here I was, about to be neck deep in it anyway.

    ¡°Did you read the paper regularly?¡± I asked Anne.

    ¡°Most days, but didn¡¯t bother to keep up with it in the army, too much effort.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m surprised the army didn¡¯t want you keeping up with things.¡± Victoria added.

    I laughed, ¡°We often didn¡¯t even know where we were. We were never given a map.¡±

    Victoria frowned at that, I shrugged.

    It was good that Victoria got directions as the coffee house had no sign or anything at all to show it was a business. The windows were painted over so no one could see inside. I thanked the gods that Anne and Victoria were so comfortable with this or I would have been afraid. Inside was warm, not just the temperature, but the atmosphere. It was dimly lit, but not in a way that made it hard to see. All I could smell was coffee, ink, and smoke, both tobacco and weed. There were men and women sitting at various tables, it was busy, but not crowded. We attracted a few stares, but it wasn¡¯t too bad, I had experienced worse.

    ¡°We are looking for newspapers, articles, whatever you have on the battle of the Rosberg Sea and the political impacts it¡¯s having.¡± Victoria said to the cashier.

    ¡°Of course,¡± they replied, pulling out a stack of papers already bundled together.¡±

    ¡°That was fast.¡± I said, surprised.

    ¡°It¡¯s a popular request ma¡¯am, so we pre-bundle a bunch every morning.¡±

    The ma¡¯am worried me for half a second until I remembered I was among civilians, here my uniform made me stand out rather than blend in, and they probably couldn¡¯t tell the difference between a private¡¯s dress uniform and an officer¡¯s.

    ¡°Well, what brings two of our fine soldiers to this humble place!¡± A man sitting at one of the larger tables called out, ¡°we would be curious to hear how the war goes, if you don¡¯t mind.¡±

    There were four men at the table with him. All of them were somewhat young and fashionable, with one of them standing out as he was clearly gay. Anne put her hand on my shoulder and gently pulled down. I bent so she could whisper in my ear.

    ¡°It would be good practice for you.¡±

    I shrugged but she raised an eyebrow at me which I took to mean I should have a reason beyond annoyance to not take this opportunity. I looked at Victoria.

    ¡°It was a quick walk, we have some time.¡±

    And with that we sat at the table.

    ¡°We were just picking up papers and whatnot we can on the battle of Rosberg,¡± I explained, ¡°and as for the war, can¡¯t tell you shit, I mean much, sorry. They don¡¯t tell us anything.¡±

    The man laughed, ¡°I am not offended by swearing, at least not from you. I can tell by your accent you must be unfamiliar with city life. Don¡¯t worry, this place is for everyone. My name is Doctor Samuel, doctor of history, by the way, not of medicine. From left to right are Mr. Doyle, Mr. Rees, Mr. Davies, and Mr. Baker. We all work at the university in one capacity or another and come here to relax and discuss things.¡± I didn¡¯t do it intentionally, but the only one of them I acknowledged with a slight nod was Mr. Rees, the gay one.

    ¡°I am private Zalgeth, on my left is private Anne, to my right, Victoria.¡±

    ¡°Privates? That would explain why you wouldn¡¯t know the general state of the war. But how goes it in your little part of the front?¡± Dr. Samuel asked.

    ¡°Rats, lice, mud. People die and countless shells spent for a few yards that don¡¯t really matter. That is how it always goes.¡±

    It was unnerving how unphased Dr. Samuel was in his response. ¡°A tragedy, shame that parliament''s army does not have a better war to fight, but it must be fought. We have to reclaim the highlands.¡±You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

    ¡°If there is anything left to take. If it keeps going yard by yard there will be nothing but mud.¡±

    ¡°Mud can be reclaimed.¡±

    I shook my head and Mr. Rees laughed.

    ¡°I¡¯ve told you dear doctor, no man¡¯s land isn¡¯t just mud,¡± Mr. Rees explained, ¡°it is bodies, unexploded shells, chunks of metal, poisons, disease, none of it is easily reclaimed.¡±

    Anne spoke up, ¡°It is death, more than a dead body, it is land made into a place to die. You can not imagine how awful it is without seeing it.¡±

    ¡°Is our cavalry so useless?¡± The Doctor asked. Anne and I laughed a little.

    ¡°What cavalry?¡± I said, ¡°it is trenches, and where there are no trenches it is mountain passes. There is nowhere to flank, to outmaneuver. All the horses are pulling artillery now.¡±

    The Doctor was still unphased, though he put on a slightly disappointed affect, ¡°I am sorry to hear such is the way of things, and that it seems unavoidable. Though I would also like to know how the women¡¯s units are doing. There are some who worry how women might fare, especially now that it is somewhat frequent for them to be on the front lines, nevermind the awful rumors.¡±

    ¡°Women are on average weaker, and it would be safer if our enemies saw no reason to see women as anything other than civilians. The fewer war touches the better.¡± Mr. Davies added.

    I knew we were pawns in whatever arguments these five normally had, but it was nice to have confirmation. I looked at Anne. I didn¡¯t know if they considered me a woman so I wanted Anne to answer. A quick glance at me was all it took for Anne to understand.

    ¡°Women tend to have an easier time in the trenches. There isn¡¯t really any fighting to do, it is more about surviving. Being shorter is better, less likely to get hit by snipers, and there is never enough food and women can get by on less. Artillery decides the battle, not anything the infantry does. As for the rumors, I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±

    ¡°I would be careful Dr. Samuel,¡± Mr. Rees said in an almost mocking tone, ¡°wouldn¡¯t want to upset the constitution of a clearly upstanding, if not a little naive, woman like Anne.¡±

    I was confused about his tone and his insults until the Doctor spoke. He sounded genuinely concerned for Anne.

    ¡°Sadly many doubt the good intentions of the women who choose to enlist. They say many are the type who have no interest in finding a husband, or interest in men in general. It is clearly untrue, as evidenced by the army inspiring a succubus to enlist instead of choosing her more natural, less honorable, profession.¡±

    Mr. Rees was trying to hold back his laughter so I didn¡¯t laugh at the Doctor or correct him, curious to see how far he would be able to take this.

    ¡°Poor little Anne,¡± Mr. Rees said, ¡°such a clearly innocent woman having to hear such scandalous words.¡±

    The Doctor mistook Anne covering her mouth to hide her smile as discomfort.

    ¡°I am sorry I didn¡¯t mean to upset you. I only meant to warn you of the ¨C¡±

    Anne leaned against me as she laughed and I put my arm around her possessively. Mr. Rees laughed openly at the Doctor.

    ¡°Oh my dearest doctor you are my favorite to toy with.¡±

    ¡°So I have made some new error you consider grave. What is it this time?¡± The Doctor said, indignant. Mr Rees looked at Anne, to give her the chance to correct Dr. Samuel, a chance which Anne took.

    ¡°I would be surprised if there are more than two, maybe three, straight women in our unit, I certainly am not.¡± Anne ran her hand down my chest to make her point, ¡°and Zalgeth finds men disgusting so I wouldn¡¯t say, or in your case imply, that prostitution is her natural profession.¡±

    ¡°Nonsense,¡± the Doctor replied, ¡°Succubi are bi, for one to be disgusted by men is absurd, none I know have said such a thing is possible.¡±

    Mr. Rees laughed at him again. ¡°You have to stop telling on yourself doctor dearest. They all say that because you pay them and they know men find it sexy.¡±

    ¡°What are you implying, I am married.¡±

    ¡°That has never stopped men from propositioning me,¡± I said, ¡°and Iike you they believed I must be interested in men, it usually took my pistol to convince them I was gay.¡±

    Mr. Rees nodded in agreement. ¡°Understand Doctor it is dangerous for succubi to go against the narrative, like how devils claim to be asexual when I can personally attest that there are many who very much are not.¡±

    Dr. Samuel shook his head, ¡°I don¡¯t need to be reminded of the unnecessary details you shared Mr. Rees. I honestly don¡¯t know why you act like this, you will never convince anyone to join the populist cause with this disrespectful behavior.¡±

    Mr. Rees smiled, ¡°I am not trying to convince you, I am trying to embarrass you into populism.¡± The Doctor shook his head, acting disappointed, and Mr. Rees continued, ¡°Now I need some fresh air, would you three care to join me? Mr. Doyle and Mr. Baker have yet to say anything, but they are dull at best, and when they are as high as they are now it is even worse.¡±

    ¡°Might as well.¡± Victoria replied. She liked Mr. Rees, but I was still unsure. I did not expect the first populist I would meet to be a twink who seemingly had nothing better to do than sit around making fun of people to their face for his own amusement.

    ¡°My name is Calvin, I don¡¯t like the Mr. Rees shit, that is their formality, not mine. Sorry for taking you away so quickly, but I am genuinely curious as to what you are up to, and I doubt you would speak freely in front of them. Those four see the army as something to be proud of, so seeing you in uniform doesn¡¯t strike them as odd, but I know how strange it is to show up to a random coffee house far from the front in dress uniform, especially two privates with a civilian.¡±

    ¡°Any harm in telling him?¡± I asked, genuinely unsure.

    ¡°I don¡¯t see any harm in it.¡± Victoria replied. Anne shrugged.

    ¡°We are on our way to Marticourt for royal shields, Anne and I, Victoria is our friend.¡±

    ¡°Well then, congratulations.¡±

    ¡°Just did what we had to.¡±

    Calvin nodded, ¡°Fair enough, if everyone got a medal for putting their life on the line doing what they had to, every miner, factory worker, and prostitute would have one, no offense meant.¡±

    ¡°None taken, those are dangerous jobs, many enlist ¡®cause it is the safer option.¡±

    Calvin looked at the bundle of papers Victoria was holding before saying, ¡°With that I will let you get on your way. I hope I have made a good impression on behalf of all populists. If you ever find yourself feeling lonely I think you will find we make excellent company.¡±

    ¡°Welcome to politics,¡± Victoria said when he was out of earshot, ¡°where ever your allies don¡¯t just say what they fucking mean.¡± I was as frustrated as Victoria, we all knew what he meant, so why didn¡¯t he just say it plainly, what was the point of it?

    Back on the train we read through most of the papers we got. There wasn¡¯t much useful information in it. They were in constant disagreement on the details so we couldn¡¯t figure out what was true and what wasn¡¯t. The only clearly useful information was the existence of a bunch of vaguely similar proposals that involved taking some of parliament¡¯s army budget and using it to make a new parliamentary branch of the navy. It would allow the construction of large expensive warships to be covered by the current navy budget and leave the smaller ships up to parliament. It left the army weaker, with the funding being split, but it didn¡¯t diminish parliament¡¯s power that much and the navy proper would still control the seas.

    Supper was quiet. We talked a little, just summarizing what we read to each other. After, when we were back in the private car, Victoria started another lesson about my health.

    ¡°Feel here,¡± Victoria said to Anne as I lay face down on the bed, topless, ¡°these lines of muscle that end up between her shoulder blades, they are the start of what will allow her to move her wings.¡± Anne¡¯s hand on my back felt nice. ¡°A succubi¡¯s flight is largely mechanical, there is magic involved, obviously, but when you look you can easily see how much muscle is built up to give their wings enough strength, and from what I am told it is physically exhausting. Flying for any extended period relies on using the wind, not flapping. You can even feel extra chest muscles that come down from her collarbone.¡± Anne¡¯s hand felt nice there too. ¡°Bottoms off,¡± Victoria told me, so I took them off and lay back down. ¡°It isn¡¯t as dramatic a change but her legs will get stronger too, our best guess is to help with landing. It is apparently quite difficult, and I may have laughed a little too hard at some of Rebecca¡¯s. She will get cramps in her legs, and you will want to check for knots, all the way along the back of her legs and her butt. You can just kinda go at it, but with her back be more careful. Follow each new muscle carefully and be gentle until her wings actually start growing. As for the new chest muscles, try to do the same as with her back, but obviously finding them under her breasts is tricky and massaging them can have, other effects, but even then, at least in my experience, it helps with the pain, just be careful, you don¡¯t want to push between the new muscles or push them together.¡±

    ¡°How often should I massage her, how often can I?¡±

    ¡°Knowing Zal I think as needed is not something she can figure out, so once a day. She probably doesn¡¯t need it so often at this point, but it is best to get her in the habit of it before it starts to really hurt. As for how often you can, at most twice a day, maybe, but if one isn¡¯t enough I would look for knots or, as much as Zal will be more relaxed with you, look for a professional. That is why it¡¯s important that Zal makes some demonic friends, it can be hard to find people who know anything about demon¡¯s bodies as an outsider.¡±

    ¡°Makes sense, I will make sure she does.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not just on you Anne.¡± I said while sitting up.

    Victoria nodded in agreement, ¡°don¡¯t put too much pressure on yourself Anne. Being a succubus just hurts, you won¡¯t be able to fix everything or solve every issue, just focus on making things better, not perfect. As for the sex, I still think twice a day is best for now, so I will sleep on the couch. Anne, if you could leave your uniform out of the bedroom with Zal¡¯s. I will get them washed tonight.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to Victoria,¡± I said, ¡°I can get by with once a day, it is far more than I am used to, or you can come in after. We talked about it, we don¡¯t mind, and we don¡¯t want you to be uncomfortable.¡±

    ¡°Trust me,¡± Victoria replied,¡±if I wake up sore I won¡¯t sleep on the couch again, but there is also some, let¡¯s call it social, discomfort sleeping next to you two. Please use a towel and try to stay to one side, if I can¡¯t sleep on the couch I will want my half of the bed back.¡±

    ¡°We will, night Victoria, thanks for everything.¡± Anne said.

    ¡°Goodnight.¡± She replied.

    Even looking at Anne naked I didn¡¯t want to have sex. The idea wasn¡¯t awful, it just felt like a chore. It was easier to accept that I needed it when I waited too long. The idea that need was really a routine I had to put effort into to maintain was daunting. Anne, of course, noticed my hesitation.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said, ¡°just not exactly in the mood but¡­¡±

    Anne got in bed and cuddled up against me. ¡°But?¡±

    ¡°I should, right?¡±

    ¡°This doesn¡¯t feel great. If you were human or beastfolk the answer would be no, but you¡¯re not. I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±

    ¡°Welcome to my life.¡± I thought for a while with Anne against me, my arm around her.

    ¡°It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want to,¡± I explained to her, ¡°if you asked I would say yes, happily, I just don¡¯t want to initiate, and I guess it¡¯s scary thinking I have to put effort into this and that my body doesn¡¯t really give me a choice, not a real one at least. Honestly it feels the same with food. It¡¯s daunting to think I just can¡¯t not eat, I have to have regular meals even when I don¡¯t want to, and if I don¡¯t it hurts, just a raw, frustrating, physical pain.¡±

    ¡°I know,¡± she ran her finger along my horns, ¡°it isn¡¯t fair, I know humans and beastfolk who treat their body far worse than you treat yours and nothing bad happens to them.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to be so nice about my whining. Doesn¡¯t exactly help set the mood.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t mind, and speaking of the mood, if you feel better with me initiating, how do I tell the difference between a ¡°I don¡¯t want to but it¡¯s fine ¡®cause it is good for me¡± and a ¡°I don¡¯t want to it is not fine, hard no, stop.¡±¡±

    ¡°I just say no?¡±

    ¡°Is it really that simple? Am I overthinking it?¡±

    ¡°If it doesn¡¯t work I will say something, and you will too, right?¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    Anne looked me in the eyes, waiting for permission. I nodded and she kissed me. As I pulled her close I thought of how this was another thing we never had the time for. To make, to run my hands all over her, to drag my nails through her fur into her skin for the gentlest of scratches, in no rush to get anywhere. At first I worried I might bore her but her tail flicking happily let me know I wasn¡¯t. I tried to see if I could figure out what part of her I could touch, what way I could touch her, to get it to move but I couldn¡¯t figure it out, a mystery I was determined to solve one day, no matter how much I had to touch Anne to do so. When I stopped kissing her to catch my breath she started to reach down but I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

    ¡°Can we kiss a little more, and then, can I focus on you?¡± She kissed me, frantically, all over my lips, neck, chest, and breasts. She made me feel so beautiful, and it gave me the idea to flip her over, so she was on her back and I was on top of her so I could kiss her in the same way, except I worked my way all the way down, across her belly to her thighs. With my head between her legs I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why I didn¡¯t do this sooner. I wanted to tease her. To start by kissing up her thighs, then around her pussy, ever so slowly making my way to her lips, maybe put my tongue in her, waiting until she was begging until I finally would get to her clit, starting with gentle licks working my way up to sucking. That didn¡¯t happen though, with her in front of me I couldn¡¯t take my time with her. She gasped when I first licked her clit, it was a little rude going straight for it, but it made me laugh. Anne didn¡¯t like that so she grabbed one of my horns and pulled my face into her. While I may not have been able to resist tasting her now that I was, I had the willpower to tease her a bit with my fingers. I ran my finger around her lips, then around her entrance, but as I moved my finger back to her lips Anne said, ¡°damn it Zal,¡± so I entered her, properly, with two fingers, curling up to her g-spot. She pushed her legs against my head so hard it hurt, but I liked it. I wasn¡¯t easy on her, and she didn¡¯t last long, her legs shaking a little before she let go of me. It wasn¡¯t a particularly big orgasm by Anne standards but I was happy with it, and she was too judging by her face when I crawled up next to her. I kissed her all over her face and cuddled up against her. I couldn¡¯t help it, I was proud of myself for managing twice in one day for the first time, and I was so thankful to Anne for getting me there, for being here with me.

 Chapter 8

    There was something almost intoxicating about the long train ride. It became a liminal space that was easy to lose myself in. Out of the window the world passed by, always changing, but all that did was make the train itself feel more isolated, trapped in time never changing. We never talked about it but we had the same breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, read the same things, talked about the same things. We indulged in the repetition of our life here. When the train did stop I found myself missing the click clack of the rails. It was like a heartbeat, comforting. We were rarely apart, the three of us, and while Anne and I couldn¡¯t get any closer, but we found ourselves tied to Victoria. Sleeping on the couch didn¡¯t work for her so she spent her nights next to us. That helped, but we all talked about our lives so much, even though it was little things, I couldn¡¯t help but feel I knew everything there was to know about her.

    With the days blending together I didn¡¯t realize that it was our last day with Victoria until it was. This perfect, peaceful, isolated week was over. I would have had to see Kate and Rebecca again, the countryside that passed by us now would end and I would be in the capitol. I wished I could take Anne home to my mom and our lives could continue there. It wasn¡¯t a real wish, I knew that I didn¡¯t want that, but something in my mind dreamed it up because I was scared of how my life had changed, will change. There was nothing to be done about it though.

    Everything was different, and while it might have been because Anne and I were together, properly together this time, I was a little excited.

    The landscape changed when the train switched to the tracks running parallel to the coast. I had never seen the ocean before, and it was beautiful, but it wasn¡¯t what had my attention. There were miles and miles of palm plantations, perfect, endless rows of trees. The only thing interrupting them were plantation villas. Their buildings were white washed, to help keep them cool, as was common along the coast, but these villas were where the nobility lived, so they sparkled in the sun. It had bothered me how out of place the Matarite flag could look. The green palm leaf on a white background had nothing to do with my home, and seeing it in the mountains where it could get truly cold it looked comical. Here though, I understood what it really meant. It was about power, not nature, it was the antithesis of nature. Whatever was before had been completely erased for the palm trees, the might of our nation reflected in neat rows of them. Anne noticed me staring out the window.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know whether it is beautiful or horrifying,¡± she said.

    ¡°I¡¯m stuck on impressive.¡±

    We didn¡¯t have anything else to say so we just watched the palm trees go by.

    Marticourt itself was chaotic, more so for the contrast against the orderly plantations. The larger buildings were whitewashed, but with no natural barrier, besides the ocean, the city stretched out along the coast. The train slowed to what felt like a crawl after days of fast travel on straight tracks. There were people, carriages, even children playing around the railroad.

    ¡°They don¡¯t allow tents or shacks,¡± Victoria explained, "so those little one room homes, and the few apartment buildings, are as poor as it gets.¡±

    ¡°I expected worse.¡± I said.

    ¡°This is the gem of the kingdom of Matara, so they hide the poverty well. There is worse in the city proper, but it is harder to see. At least running water is common, so some good comes of it.¡±

    Anne¡¯s tail flicked back and forth, she was nervous, ¡°any last minute tips?¡±

    ¡°If only this was the last minute,¡± Victoria replied, ¡°could be a couple hours to make it to the station. Just do what they say, you¡¯ll be fine, you¡¯ll look out for each other.¡±

    I put my arm around Anne.

    As we got further into the city the buildings went from the basic, poor homes into mostly typical Matarite architecture. White washed stone, rectangular, flat wooden roofs, balconies everywhere. It made the Beauvaisian building stand out, darker wood or stone, glass windows that didn¡¯t open all the way, it was silly in this heat. The station was in Beauviasian style, but massive, and ornate, with a skylight that let in too much heat, but it was beautiful, and expected, they built most of the railroads anyway, or the first ones at least. Their flag, a white strip over a blue strip, flew above the station, next to our flag, at the same height. In a way I was grateful the station was so foreign, it helped me grasp how different things were going to be now that I was here. Anne, Victoria, and I didn¡¯t know what to say in those last few minutes. We looked out the window, and at each other, and back out the window. Eventually I got uncomfortable enough with the silence to say something.

    ¡°We will write, and we''ll see you again.¡±

    ¡°I know. I was thinking, wondering, will you get an article in any of the papers back home. I am curious what they have planned for you.¡±

    ¡°Hard to imagine anyone will care about that much.¡± Anne said.

    Victoria waited until the train stopped and we were standing by the door to say anything else.

    ¡°I¡¯ll miss you, good luck.¡± She said as she hugged Anne and I. It hurt a little closing the door and leaving Victoria. Anne put her arm around my waist.

    ¡°I might cry tonight.¡±

    ¡°Me too,¡± I replied, pulling Anne closer.

    Thanks to the station¡¯s size it wasn¡¯t too crowded. Anne and I were still overwhelmed, but not to the point where we couldn¡¯t see the man in dress uniform holding a sign with our names on it. We couldn¡¯t see Kate or Rebecca so we figured we got there first. I had to return their pistols, and we had decided the sooner the better,  we didn¡¯t want to risk having to explain what happened to anyone. I had all the bullets of course. I still wasn¡¯t worried but I wanted Anne to be comfortable, and honestly I wasn¡¯t sure how I would feel about giving them loaded guns, even though I couldn¡¯t imagine them doing anything. Thankfully Rebecca¡¯s height made her easy to spot. Kate tried to say something but I shook my head.

    ¡°We don¡¯t want to talk about it, or at all, let¡¯s just be professional.¡± I said as I, as inconspicuous as possible, gave them their pistols back.

    Next to the man holding the sign with our name was a young man in a nice suit. He greeted us when we approached. ¡°My name is Marcus, Parliament has appointed me your liaison secretary. It is my pleasure to meet you Privates, Kate, Rebecca, Anne, and Zalgeth.¡± He shook our hands as he said our names. I guess he had gotten descriptions by telegraph, and it isn¡¯t like we are hard to tell apart from a simple description. It was strange that the man holding the sign didn¡¯t say anything and that Marcus didn¡¯t acknowledge him, but I didn¡¯t want to go against Marcus, not as my first impression.

    ¡°Follow me,¡± Marcus said, ¡°We will talk more about the details later, for now we will take a carriage to Parliament''s hotel. It is attached to the house of commons, where my office is if you want to contact me. I am sure you will enjoy the rooms. I will send a tailor by later today, your uniforms will have to fit perfectly, then I will go over what is expected of you over the next couple of days.¡±

    Marcus was good at his job, or at least this part of it. He said little more than he needed to, but managed to keep a tone that made it sound friendly instead of blunt. I was expecting a military carriage but instead there was a luxury one. It was pulled by four horses instead of two, had proper suspension, soft seats, curtains, there was ornate stuff too but I was focused on how comfortable it was. Marcus rode in it with us, and the sign holder sat next to the driver. I guess he was security, maybe, I still wasn¡¯t sure why Marcus didn¡¯t hold the sign himself. He went over various trivia about the stuff we passed by. I ignored him. Anne, somewhat aggressively, was leaning against me. I knew Marcus didn¡¯t understand, but to the rest of us it was clear Anne was taunting Kate and Rebecca. Her every touch saying you didn¡¯t want me to have her, but I do now. I was a little concerned that Kate and Rebecca weren¡¯t acting like a couple, at least not as much as they normally did. Maybe they knew something Anne and I didn¡¯t. I knew outside the army homophobia was more common, but holding back in this context seemed, odd. Thankfully with Anne against me I couldn¡¯t get too nervous, and it was a short trip to the hotel. A beautifully ornate covered bridge over the street connected the hotel to the house of commons. After talking to the front desk clerk Marcus gave Anne and I keys to separate rooms. Anne shook her head, ¡°Zalgeth and I would prefer one room.¡± Marcus nodded, unphased, and spoke to the front desk clerk again. Anne smiled at Rebecca.

    The room was beautiful, bland, but there was a certain elegance to it. The walls were white, and the floor and furniture were a beautiful dark wood, a nod to the Matarite architecture that even I noticed. It couldn¡¯t have been a minute before there was a knock at the door. I expected Marcus but instead was someone who worked at the hotel, or for parliament, I wasn''t sure if there was a difference.

    ¡°Sorry ma¡¯ams, we should have given this telegram to you when you checked in, our sincerest apologies.¡±

    ¡°No worries.¡±

    I sat down next to Anne and we read the telegraph. It was from Cathrine, but this was from the first day on the train, so she had said it was from Victoria¡¯s Girlfriend. It was short and to the point, saying nothing but ¡°safe places¡± and had one word descriptions next to addresses. There was one arena, two bars, one restaurant, one tailor, and three brothels.

    ¡°It¡¯s a good start,¡± Anne said.

    ¡°I had honestly forgotten. That first day on the train is a blur. I was imagining just having to, I don¡¯t know, walk around until I saw a demon and ask, or just luck out. My memory seems to go when I get stressed.¡±

    ¡°No worse than anyone else.¡± She said as she rubbed my back to comfort me. I didn¡¯t know when Marcus would be back, so I didn¡¯t want to start anything with Anne that we couldn¡¯t finish quickly. I was learning that when I was stressed, but not angry or afraid, I got sleepy.

    ¡°Nap?¡± I asked Anne. She shrugged but lay down on the bed. Instead of cuddling up against me she gently played with my tail. Surprisingly I found it put me right to sleep. It was something about the regular rhythm of it, I think.

    I woke up to someone knocking on the door and Anne yelling back, ¡°just give us a minute.¡± Thankfully I fell asleep with my uniform on so all I had to do was shake the sleep out of my eyes. Marcus greeted us with a nod when Anne opened the door.

    ¡°May I come in?¡± He asked, having already stepped in our room. Anne and I nodded.

    ¡°I hope everything is satisfactory.¡± Marcus continued without giving us time to respond, ¡°the room and any food you order, along with laundry, cleaning, and miscellaneous services, are free of charge, a thank you for your service. Alcohol however, is not, you will have to pay for any you order before you receive it. While parliament is honored to have you as guests, your behavior reflects on parliament, so please refrain from public drunkenness, disorderly behavior, and in general treat others respectfully and conduct yourselves appropriately.¡± I couldn¡¯t tell if he was worried about us because we were soldiers or if it was some sort of bigotry. ¡°Tomorrow nothing is scheduled, you have the day to rest up and prepare for the day after tomorrow. You will receive your royal shields then and meet his highness King Ashenafi Demissie Mathew.¡±

    ¡°Sorry to ask, but we haven¡¯t been paid yet, for our last two weeks in the army or anything from the shields, when will that happen?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°After the King gives you your shields you will attend a small reception, then the practical side of things will be explained to you, including finances.¡±

    ¡°Is there any way we could get some of ¨C¡± Marcus interrupted Anne.

    ¡°You can wait a day.¡± With that, he left.

    ¡°So he is rude,¡± I said to Anne.

    ¡°Probably thinks we want to get drunk and high, which, yea, but,¡± Anne reached up and rubbed my head where my hair had started to regrow, ¡°the not quite shaved head is not a good look. I wanted to get a razor.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sure they will deal with it, and if they don¡¯t, not our fault.¡±

    ¡°True enough.¡±

    The tailor showed up only a few minutes later. They said just enough to get our measurements. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

    It was getting a little late, so we ordered some food. It would be easy to eat enough while living here. A buzzer on the wall summoned someone who took our order and brought the food to our room. Anne and I didn¡¯t say much, it was hard without Victoria. I didn¡¯t notice until now, when she wasn¡¯t here, but Victoria anchored us to the real world. Anne and I weren¡¯t sheltered, especially not Anne, but Anne never worked before the army, she helped take care of her siblings, it was hard work, but it didn¡¯t expose her to new things often. I spent most of my time alone, hunting or foraging, or working with my mom in the pharmacy. Anne made friends through her family, and I didn¡¯t really have any, if I did have friends it was through the brothel I had to visit. Without Victoria we felt how hard we would have to push ourselves. To us our time in the army was meant to be an interruption, something we did to make our lives better, but we were going to go back to the way we lived before. Everything mattered more now. It wasn¡¯t a question of making things better, but making something entirely new, something completely different.

    When Anne gave me my regular nightly massage she could tell I wasn¡¯t relaxed, not that I was tense, just somewhere in between.

    ¡°I was thinking,¡± Anne said as she worked on my back, ¡°since we have no money and nothing to do tomorrow, we should spend the day in bed. I don¡¯t just mean sex, I want to, I don¡¯t know, get as much of you as I can before everything changes.¡± I didn¡¯t know what to say, and I couldn¡¯t hug her as she massaged me, so I moved my tail around until I found her arm and could gently wrap my tail around it.

    The next morning Anne woke me when she got up to go to the bathroom. I must have been waking up already because I didn¡¯t mind. I heard her turn on the shower so I took my time getting up, rubbing my legs and stretching them to get the morning stiffness out. I had a shower after while she ordered breakfast and a newspaper for us. I told her I didn¡¯t know what I wanted for breakfast, but I really didn¡¯t want to make a choice, and I didn¡¯t want to talk to anyone besides Anne, not today. It was my last chance to be afraid of people and I was going to take this chance to be terrified. I kissed Anne when I got back into bed with her.

    ¡°I have some favors to return.¡± I whispered, rolling Anne onto her stomach so I could massage her back.

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to.¡±

    I kissed the back of her neck, ¡°I want to.¡± At first I felt awkward, feeling around, trying to mimic what she did to me. I had never touched someone like this before, it was always a part of sex. Wanting to touch someone, do something to someone, but I wasn¡¯t turned on, I just wanted her to know I loved her. She seemed to sink into the bed a little, breath a little slower, so I think I did something right. I stopped when there was a knock at the door. I hid in the bed while Anne wrapped a towel around herself and got our food. We ate in silence. I sat next to Anne, using my tail to keep rubbing her back, even though it couldn¡¯t do what my hands did, she seemed to like it.

    I knew Anne worried about how she was always initiating, so after breakfast I took the lead. I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her towards the bed. She was already a little wet which surprised me. It made sense, naked massage, and then eating breakfast naked, but to me that all felt normal, comfortable, good, but not sexy. I put my hands on her shoulders and moved her onto her back. She kissed me after I crawled overtop of her, and I kissed her back and down her neck. She tried to touch my horns but I grabbed her wrist and pushed her hand back to the bed. Anne laughed.

    ¡°What,¡± I said, a little annoyed, ¡°the aggressive demon pinning you to the bed to fuck you isn¡¯t convincing.¡±

    Anne laughed again, ¡°Is that what you were going for? I hadn¡¯t noticed.¡±

    ¡°I can be scary.¡± I dragged my nails across her neck.

    She kissed me, ¡°I know you too well babe.¡±

    ¡°Well, what if you didn¡¯t. Before the army, back home, I had quite the reputation.¡±

    ¡°Oh really?¡± I gently held her by the neck with one hand, pinching her nipples and playing with her breasts with the other.

    ¡°That succubus wasn¡¯t just a good shot, her hunting knife she always had on her, it wasn¡¯t only for hunting. She trained to use it like a sword, always ready to kill.¡± I put my knee in between her thighs to get her to spread her legs. ¡°She bound her chest and hid herself under baggy clothes because she wasn¡¯t like other succubi. She was part devil, if she smelled arousal on you she would crave your blood.¡± I moved my leg forward so Anne could grind against my thigh, and I played with her clit a little, but only a little.

    ¡°I would have wanted to know more about the handsome succubus everyone was afraid of.¡±

    Her voice was a little breathless as she grinded against me. It was beautiful.

    ¡°But they say she knows poisons. A single scratch and who knows what would happen, what she might make you feel.¡± I pressed my fingernail into her chest and dragged it all the way down to her pussy.

    ¡°Just makes me want her more.¡± Anne moaned a little in disappointment as I moved my leg back, but I gently pushed on her clit and smiled as she pushed up into my hand. ¡°They say she hunts with her knife to satisfy her bloodlust. That she sometimes goes up into the highlands to hunt gorillas, because they are the animals closest to people.¡± I started rubbing her clit.

    ¡°And I want,¡± Anne gasped, she was struggling to talk, ¡°to know, to watch her stalk her prey, I want her, so I follow her into the forest.¡±

    ¡°She hunts you,¡± I enter her with my fingers, my thumb rubbing her clit, and I tighten my hand on her throat ever so slightly, ¡°leaving a trail for you to follow, deeper into the forest, until you are alone with the monster. You can feel her watching you every move, see her in every shadow.¡± Anne tried to kiss me but my hand on her neck stopped her. She seemed to like it.

    ¡°So I finger myself, show her how badly I want her.¡± Anne kept pushing into my hand and I pushed back into her.

    ¡°She can¡¯t help herself, she walks towards you, naked, hard, the knife in her hand shining in the moonlight. A part of you wants to run, but you can¡¯t, not when she looks at you like that. All you crave is for her to catch you, to hold you down as she ¨C,¡± Anne came, I felt her pulse against both my hands, the one with my fingers in her and the one around her neck, that worried me so I moved from her neck to her chest and enjoyed feeling her heart race. As she came down Anne surprised me by laughing and pulling me into a kiss.

    ¡°And then,¡± she said, still glowing, ¡°we make sweet love under the moonlight and run away to live in the forest, or open a butcher¡¯s or tannery ¡®cause apparently this Zal needs to hunt.¡± I looked at her.

    ¡°What?¡± Anne kissed me again, ¡°we have to finish the story.¡± I didn¡¯t mean to, and it didn¡¯t really feel like I was, but I cried. Anne hugged me tight.

    ¡°Oh Zal, did any of, did people really believe those awful things about you?¡±

    I didn¡¯t want to say anything, or I couldn¡¯t, so I nodded. It was strange, I could feel the tears but I wasn¡¯t breathing heavily or shaking or any of the other things that normally came with crying.

    Anne rubbed my back. ¡°I liked that ¡®cause I know the real you, I shouldn¡¯t have played along.¡± It took a while before I could respond.

    ¡°I started it.¡± I sat up and wiped away my tears.

    ¡°None of that is hot, it¡¯s, it¡¯s hot, the idea that you are powerful, that you want me and can do whatever you want to me, but, again, only because I know the real you. I don¡¯t want you to be like that, have that violence. Only part of that I really liked, would like to do for real, is have sex in the forest you grew up in. We should when you take me to meet your mom, and, uh, the idea of you being able to sword fight with a knife. I didn¡¯t expect that.¡±

    I raised an eyebrow at her, ¡°Did you read too many books about swashbuckling privateers saving women from pirates when you were young?¡±

    Anne pushed me over. ¡°How dare you accuse me of things that are absolutely true.¡±

    I smiled at her, ¡°I did too you know.¡±

    ¡°Let''s do that next time. You can save me and take me away to your secret island paradise, looking all roguish with a sword and old flintlock pistol on your hip. Roleplay is better when you don¡¯t cry after, I promise.¡± She sat on my hips and kissed me, ¡°but that¡¯s for another time, right now you¡¯re just my perfect woman, my girlfriend.¡± She kissed me a little more before she moved to sit up on the bed, her back against the headboard. ¡°Here,¡± she said, patting a spot on the bed next to her, so I sat there. She leaned against me and gently stroked my dick. I had gone soft from crying, but she wasn¡¯t trying to get me hard, at least not quickly. She would stop sometimes, or only use a couple fingers, or take her hand off to rub my thigh. It was Anne though, I responded to her touch eventually, even when she barely did anything.

    She kissed me on the cheek, ¡°close your eyes.¡± I did as I was told. She started stroking me in a slow, regular rhythm. I kept expecting something more to happen but nothing did for a while, just her leaning against me and the same slow, soft touch of her hand.

    ¡°When I first saw you I thought you were handsome,¡± she said to me in almost a whisper. ¡°I wanted to be your friend ¡®cause you seemed lonely, but maybe I was thinking with my pussy.¡± I felt her move, and then she gave me a quick kiss on the lips, ¡°not that it matters now.¡± She tapped the inside of my thighs so I moved my legs apart and felt her sit in between them. ¡°At first I thought you were boring,¡± her hand moved a little faster, ¡°so I didn¡¯t know why I wanted to be around you so bad, but I realized it wasn¡¯t that you were boring, it is that you are calming.¡± I felt her move but I didn¡¯t feel anything different. ¡°It¡¯s like I¡¯m watching myself wondering if, I am too excited, or did I look too sad, are my ears or tail giving me away. I remember being afraid of my tail wagging like a dog¡¯s, trying not to have too much fun, but with you,¡±  She kissed the tip of my dick and I moaned, but she went back to stroking, though a little faster. ¡°With you I forget myself, or I am myself, and if I worry I am too much I can just look at how you look at me.¡± She started using both hands, ¡°and you make everything better, I want to do stuff together, boring stuff, getting groceries, cleaning,¡± she laughed, ¡°I¡¯ve literally dreamed about it, and¡­¡± She kept going in silence for a bit, until her mouth was around me. I gasped, not knowing it was going to happen. It felt different with my eyes closed, more intense, but before I could make sense of it she was back to stroking me, and I could hear her fingering herself. Her voice was wavering now, and breathy, ¡°and you are so good. I broke your heart and you kept all the pieces and you trust me, letting me put it back together, but¡­¡± She stopped and I felt her move over top of me and guide my dick into her. I knew it was happening but that didn¡¯t stop me from digging my nails into her thighs as I entered her. She moaned, but didn¡¯t move, so I didn¡¯t.

    ¡°Look at me.¡± I opened my eyes and wiped a tear from her cheek before I realized she was crying a little.

    ¡°I¡¯m a mess,¡± she said, hugging me and resting her head on my shoulder.

    ¡°We¡¯re a mess, and it''s fine, being messy together.¡±

    She leaned back and looked at me. Her eyes were beautiful, a deep brown. I should notice them more. They were still wet with tears when she started talking again. She sounded a little sad, maybe afraid, it hurt to hear her like that, whatever it was.

    ¡°I sometimes, for the smallest moments, look at you and forget we¡¯re together. I feel the same loss I used to, like you¡¯re still heartbroken. I hate it, I hate myself, I didn¡¯t want to hurt you, I never want it to happen again.¡± She put her hands on my waist. ¡°I want you to want me, I want you to want me so much that I can¡¯t forget it, not for a moment.¡±

    ¡°I do ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know,¡± she took my hands in hers and started, ever so slowly, moving on me. ¡°But I want you when I¡¯m bored, or can¡¯t fall asleep, or when something reminds me of you. I don¡¯t want you to feel like you have to tell a story with those disgusting lies to want me, to want to chase me. I want you to fuck me because I¡¯m pretty, ¡®cause it will feel good, or be fun, or you¡¯re stressed, or bored, not just ¡®cause you¡¯re a succubus, not just because you love me. I want your lust.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t look at her. ¡°I know.¡±

    She stopped moving and put her forehead against my horns, ¡°Then why? We¡¯ve made out and I¡¯ll be soaked and you¡¯re soft, a couple times you¡¯ve eaten me out and stayed soft and, is something wrong, are you just like that, is it me?¡±

    ¡°No no no it¡¯s not you, I, it¡¯s.¡± I groaned in frustration. I couldn¡¯t think like this, not when I was inside her. I don¡¯t know why she was being serious now, but I couldn¡¯t deal with it.

    ¡°On your back.¡± Thankfully Anne didn¡¯t try to continue her conversation. I grabbed a pillow and she lifted up her butt knowing exactly what I wanted to do with it. I was rougher than I normally was with her but I was frustrated. She came quickly, but I was a ways off, the conversation she was trying to have with me was too stressful. I started slowing down, but Anne shook her head, ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, keep going.¡± I shouldn¡¯t have doubted her. I tried to play with her clit but she swatted my hand away. She was smiling at me. I got the message and went at the speed I wanted, and when I came I went with whatever my body wanted, nothing close to a regular rhythm. It took a while for my head to clear. Anne was clever. I didn¡¯t know how to feel, but it was different from normal, when I was focused on her, or when she was focused on me. At least it didn¡¯t feel like sex with prostitutes, I don¡¯t know why I was worried about that. Anne was looking pleased with herself but I was a little angry with her.

    ¡°Anne, don¡¯t do that again, it got too serious at the end there.¡±

    ¡°Sorry I ¨C¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, I just feel, manipulated.¡±

    ¡°Manipulated? No, I, just knew I needed to talk about it after the roleplay, that you must on some level know I wanted that, but if I didn¡¯t say it might come out in not great ways again but I was scared to and it would be easier to say if we, were well, as close as possible¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh, I thought you were trying to get me to a point where I would have to focus on myself, to finish, both myself and the conversation. You looked so smug.¡±

    ¡°No no I, twice a day is a lot for me, and we kept it up for a week, and almost all the time you are focused on me, my pleasure, and it was so nice to not, worry isn¡¯t the right word, but worry about it, that if I don¡¯t feel good you won¡¯t. You never really seem to do what you want or tell me what to do.¡±

    ¡°And you want that?¡±

    ¡°Sometimes, and if we are going to fuck once a day for, what, a year at least, I am gonna need it sometimes, it¡¯s like a break.¡±

    I sighed, ¡°Okay, I can do that. But no more difficult talks during sex. I can¡¯t describe it, but it feels, not good.¡±

    Anne looked at me with sad eyes, ¡°Can I cuddle you?¡± I nodded. She whispered sorry and snuggled up next to me.

    ¡°You can take as long as you want to answer,¡± Anne said nervously, ¡°but do you know why it feels like you don¡¯t want me sometimes, why your, body, doesn¡¯t react to me?¡±

    ¡°Practice.¡± I didn¡¯t look at Anne but I knew her confused face so imagined that as I waited for a follow up question that never came. ¡°There was a lot of pressure on me growing up. I was scared, I needed people to be afraid of me, so I wouldn¡¯t be an easy target, but if they were too afraid then they might do something so I, I don¡¯t know, point is I tried my hardest to seem asexual. I was worried if I didn¡¯t I would just be a bad stereotype and that scared me, and I knew I was going to have to enlist and I know that it kinda has a mind of its own, especially when I need sex, but no one else would understand, so I practiced keeping it down. I would bite my tongue, or I had some sewing needles I would poke myself with, and I would distract myself. I know it¡¯s bad but I thought I had to, I didn¡¯t know better, and I still do it sometimes, I don¡¯t mean to, it just happens, even with you.¡± I didn¡¯t look at Anne. I knew she must be worried.

    ¡°But it¡¯s like food for you, on some level.¡±

    ¡°Yea, in that I have to, eventually.¡±

    ¡°Well no more of that. It¡¯s a good thing Victoria isn¡¯t here; she might actually hit you for that.¡±

    ¡°In public though ¨C¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not that big babe. I¡¯m not saying we shouldn¡¯t check, some pants might be too much, but most should be fine. Even if someone does get a rough outline of it, what are they gonna do? Complain a succubus is horny? It¡¯s not a big deal.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± The idea of not, controlling, made me uncomfortable.

    ¡°Well I do, day after tomorrow, when we have money, we are, wait, Catherine¡¯s telegraph had a tailor on it. We are going to go there. You can talk to them alone, or I can, or we can together, but they must know about it, and then you are not going to fight your body anymore.¡±

    I looked at Anne because I knew she would make me if I didn¡¯t, ¡°okay.¡±

    She smiled mischievously, ¡°and if you don¡¯t, then, exhibitionism?¡±

    I laughed, ¡°good luck with that one, ain¡¯t gonna happen.¡±

 Chapter 9

    Anne and I were on the edge of sleep for a while, but we didn¡¯t quite manage it.

    ¡°Is there a menu somewhere,¡± I asked, ¡°I want to start thinking about lunch.¡±

    ¡°I left it on the desk.¡±

    None of the food looked bad, but none of it looked good either, that is until I saw injera with the typical associated meals, I decided on having goat with it.

    ¡°What are you thinking, cause I ¨C¡± Anne saw what I was looking at, ¡°Oh, that¡¯s good, like the venison on the train, a good reminder of home.¡±

    ¡°Mom¡¯s home, not mine.¡± We only had it once a year, on her birthday. No one grew teff out of the highlands, and with the war there, it was expensive. I was shocked that I could have it every day here, every meal if I really wanted to.

    ¡°It¡¯s good they have it, right?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s kinda sad. Most of the diaspora can¡¯t afford it, but here. It¡¯s not even really my culture and it hurts.¡±

    ¡°It is, doesn¡¯t matter you¡¯re adopted.¡±

    ¡°No not that, we couldn¡¯t afford food, almost everything we ate we grew or hunted ourselves, so I don¡¯t know the food, and I was bilingual when I was little but we just kinda, stopped speaking it at home, I don¡¯t remember it now, not well.¡±

    ¡°Still, we can buy teff for her, and you could re-learn, you will have the time.¡±

    ¡°Where would we get it?¡±

    ¡°Well, we get our fancy new dress uniforms tomorrow, meet the king, put on our fancy shields, and walk into the kitchen and ask where they buy it.¡±

    ¡°You are going to be terrifying, they shouldn¡¯t be giving you that kind of social power.¡±

    Anne laughed, ¡°If they don¡¯t regret it then I haven¡¯t made good use of it.¡± I handed the menu to Anne. She sighed, ¡°I think I am going to be boring, I just want a meat pie.¡± She put on her underwear and my shirt before buzzing for someone to come take our order. ¡°Speaking of your mom, have you written her?¡± I shook my head, ¡°You should, tell her you¡¯re here safely, you¡¯re getting lots of money, and that I am amazing and you are very in love with me.¡±

    I spent a lot of time on that letter. I worked on it while waiting for lunch, and during lunch. Anne read the paper while she ate. I couldn¡¯t figure out what to say about Anne, so I just said that I didn¡¯t know what to say, and that my mom would have to wait to see her, and of course I told her I wasn¡¯t hurt and would be getting a royal shield. I didn¡¯t mention what I was having for lunch, I felt guilty about it. The large lunch and the stress of the letter exhausted me. I meant to only rest a little but I fell asleep as soon as I lay on the bed, not even managing to get under the covers.

    I couldn¡¯t remember my dreams, but they were intense, and I had an idea what they were about. I was hard when I woke up, so much so it was uncomfortable, and it didn¡¯t help that the damn thing had dripped onto me. I groaned in frustration at the mess and to my surprise I heard Anne say a quiet sorry.

    ¡°Not your fault, it¡¯s just annoying.¡± I stretched, then sat up and looked at her. She was sitting naked in a chair that she had turned to face the bed. Her legs were pressed and she was trying to keep a straight face but it was obvious what she had been doing. She had the look in her eyes, her ears were twitching, her tail wasn¡¯t staying still, she was breathing heavily, and her fingers were still wet.

    ¡°Okay,¡± I laughed, ¡°maybe it was your fault, a little quieter might help next time.¡±

    ¡°I thought you were a heavy sleeper.¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t wake me, but uh,¡± I gestured to my crotch, where I was still unfortunately hard.

    ¡°Oh.¡± Anne swallowed, ¡°but what if I liked it that you reacted, even in your sleep?¡±

    I raised an eyebrow at her, ¡°but you¡¯re busy, I wouldn¡¯t want to interrupt your alone time.¡±

    She walked over to the bed, standing next to it, looking down at me.

    ¡°I don¡¯t need that, not when I have you.¡± I sat on the bed, looking at nothing, not moving, except an embarrassing twitch in my dick as she started at it.

    ¡°Move over a little,¡± Anne said, so I did, away from the edge of the bed. She sat closed legged in the space I had made for her. I could see how wet she was, how beautiful it was, she was. I shuddered as she moved her hand out and gently ran a finger from the base to the tip.

    ¡°Such a good girl, getting so wet and hard for me, even in your sleep.¡±

    I smirked at her, ¡°nothing but the best of both for you, right?¡±

    Anne growled at me, held my face in her hands, and gently put her forehead against my horns.

    ¡°Do you have any idea how fucking frustrating you can be?¡± She whispered before giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

    She stood up and looked at me. ¡°Cover yourself.¡±

    ¡°Anne? I didn¡¯t mean you ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know.¡± She found my shirt and put it on.

    ¡°I was just trying to be sexy.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡± I pulled the sheet up to cover myself and she kneeled on the far corner of the bed.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t want to stop.¡± I was a little confused.

    ¡°Anne sighed, ¡°I know, but you said no serious talks during sex.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡±

    ¡°I do.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not a ¨C¡±

    ¡°I care.¡±

    We looked at each other for a moment.

    ¡°Are we really this useless without Victoria?¡± I didn¡¯t know if I was really asking, but Anne answered anyway.

    ¡°I guess.¡± Another moment passed. I looked at Anne, but she looked down.

    ¡°Zal, I don¡¯t, I have never been attracted to another succubus, or thought about it. THe only demon, I mean demon who isn¡¯t you, obviously, I thought about fucking was a devil wo was a bouncer at a bar back home, and it wasn¡¯t because, demon-ness. I saw him fight once, he was good, calm, controlled, but terrifying, and after he changed and was so gentle with the girl they had messed with. It, um, did things for me. You¡¯re not a fetish for me.¡±

    ¡°Did you?¡± I didn¡¯t know why I asked that.

    ¡°No, I had a boyfriend at the time.¡±

    ¡°Oh, okay.¡± Another moment passed.

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter though, if you don¡¯t see me like that.¡± I wasn¡¯t looking at Anne as I spoke. ¡°It¡¯s how I am. I have both. I¡¯ve read about it, I know we¡¯re bigger than men, we can take more than women, never mind how wet everything gets. I get it¡¯s useful but honestly just carrying a little lube would be easier.¡±

    ¡°Yea you¡¯re bigger, but it¡¯s not like, I don¡¯t know what average is but you can¡¯t be more than an inch or maybe two over that, you make it sound so, pornagraphic.¡±

    ¡°Isn¡¯t it? If you ask for books on succubi that is what you get. The books that aren''t are usually under general demon stuff, and it is hard to find, there isn¡¯t much.¡±

    ¡°That doesn¡¯t mean ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know what I look like Anne.¡± I dropped the sheet and stood next to the bed. I knew she was looking at me but I didn¡¯t look at her. This was the first time in a while that I really looked at myself. I had put on a little weight, but sadly none of it went to my belly. My breasts were a little fuller, hips a little wider, my waist still too narrow. I had wanted to say something clever, I was going somewhere with this, but I couldn¡¯t find the words.

    Anne took some time to refocus. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you see when you look at yourself, I just see the woman I fell in love with.¡±

    ¡°I see a succubus.¡±

    Anne laughed, it was tense, not genuine, ¡°well that is what you are.¡±

    ¡°I know I mean, I see sex like, what else is the point of,¡± I gestured to my chest, ¡°and,¡± I ran my hands from my waist to my hips, ¡°and having both. I don¡¯t even think about having a pussy, I know I need to get used to my body, but why is it there, why is it all so much, I wish I had the body of a normal woman and didn¡¯t have to deal with this shit or the stares or any of it.¡±

    ¡°You know I have hips too ¨C¡±

    ¡°But it suits you, you¡¯re so beautiful.¡±

    ¡°And you¡¯re not?¡±

    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t be.¡±

    Anne closed her eyes, her jaw tensed and she took a deep breath.

    ¡°Okay, okay, okay, so,¡± she took another breath, ¡°I would like to say what I like about your body.¡±

    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.¡°You¡¯re the one who stopped to talk.¡±

    ¡°I mean without you suggesting anything. I like you because it¡¯s you.¡±

    I sat back down on the bed. Anne moved closer to me.

    ¡°No one¡¯s body has a point,¡± she said, ¡°we just have to make the best of it. It¡¯s, with the roleplay earlier today, and your ¡°best of both worlds¡± comment, it feels like you are testing me.¡±

    ¡°No¡­¡± I knew I wasn¡¯t, but why did my mind go there when I was trying to be sexy? I didn¡¯t expect to be good at it, having never really tried, but maybe Anne was on to something. ¡°At least not intentionally. I¡¯ll think about it.

    ¡°Thanks.¡±

    ¡°So¡­ now what?¡±

    Anne shrugged, ¡°Well, we are getting better at serious sex talks, neither of us are crying this time. Want to try to pick up where we left off?¡±

    ¡°Might as well, nothing else to do.¡±

    Anne smiled and took my shirt off. ¡°Thanks for listening to what I said earlier, boredom is a good reason.¡± She kissed me, ¡°and I am proud of you, staying hard through that conversation, it must have felt awkward, but you¡¯re trying to do better already,¡± she kissed me again, ¡°it means so much to me.¡±

    ¡°Of course, and it really isn¡¯t that hard,¡± Anne raised an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes at her. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s not that difficult, not when I am looking at you.¡± I kissed her this time. We had our normal kind of sex, her in my lap, my arms around her. The familiarity of it was nice, we knew how we fit together like this, using touch instead of words to show our love for eachother. Words had proved difficult today, I didn¡¯t want any more of them. Anne was right about not fighting my body. It was better this time, not worrying so much.

    We both fell asleep after. I wasn¡¯t sure, but I think the stress of tomorrow was getting to Anne too. When she woke up I considered talking to her about it, but I didn¡¯t want to, and I doubted it would do any good, so I didn¡¯t bring it up. I had what I had for lunch for supper. It was good food, and I couldn''t be bothered to deal with anything different. However, Anne had a nice little surprise for me. She had asked for a razor and shaving cream which they brought up with our food. I enjoyed this little reminder of our army life together. Anne said she decided she didn¡¯t like the idea of anyone else shaving my head, and strange as that was I didn¡¯t say anything. It didn¡¯t take long for me to fall asleep again. I felt it happening and I didn¡¯t want to leave Anne alone, but I couldn¡¯t stop it. One moment I was trying to stay awake and the next it was morning.

    Anne was curled up next to me when I woke up. Thankfully I was able to get up and shower without waking her. She was still asleep after I dried off and got dressed. My nerves were getting to me so I said a silent thanks to Anne, all the sleep, food, and sex, as awkward as we had been yesterday, served me well now. My muscles barely ached and for once I had more energy than I knew what to do with. Sitting and reading didn¡¯t work so I tried pacing, but that made me more anxious, so I did some sit ups. It made sense that exercise helped, I hadn¡¯t thought about it until now but my life kept me active, and now I wasn¡¯t doing much at all. I wondered if that was something I would have to worry about now. Would I have to take up some weird rich person sport like tennis to keep my body from falling apart? I shook my head to get rid of the awful thought.

    I was laying on the floor when Anne woke up.

    Her head poked over the side of the bed, ¡°what are you doing down there?¡± she asked.

    I shrugged, ¡°did some sit-ups, then just, stayed.¡±

    She yawned, ¡°well the bed is yours now,¡± she said getting up for her shower.

    We had a nice lazy breakfast in bed. A part of me expected to be woken up early and dragged off somewhere, but it was nearly noon before someone knocked on our door. It was the tailor with our new uniforms. They didn¡¯t stay, which seemed a little arrogant to me, but the uniforms fit perfectly. They were a different material from standard issue ones, making them softer, and just generally nicer. Anne looked good in her¡¯s. I hoped we would be able to afford to get all her clothes tailored, she deserved it.

    We had a brief panic as I put on my holster and quickly realized bringing a gun to meet the King was asking to get killed, but at the same time we didn¡¯t want anyone to know we had them, and we didn¡¯t want to leave them unsecured in the room. Thankfully after some searching we realized one of the dresser drawers had a lock, and the key was inside the drawer. We left our revolvers and holsters there. It was too small of a lock, if someone knew there were guns in there it wouldn¡¯t stop them, but there wasn¡¯t a better option and it likely wouldn¡¯t matter. Honestly I think Anne and I just wanted something small to worry about, to avoid worrying about the big thing.

    Marcus showed up twenty or so minutes later, with Kate and Rebecca in tow. I gave them a nod, which they returned. Anne ignored them and clung tightly to me. I didn¡¯t know if she wanted to antagonize them, but I couldn¡¯t resist putting my arm around her, even though I didn¡¯t want to piss off anyone. Marcus was silent until we were in the carriage.

    ¡°We are going to a small venue, only a hundred or so will be present. The king is thankfully not big on formalities, bow when you meet him, do not swear, do not interrupt him, be respectful, follow any directions given, and remember while this is in some way a celebration of your heroism, it is not truly a celebration. The war goes on, remember that, be respectful.¡±

    I was offended at that, like we would be the one to forget.

    Marcus continued, ¡°There will be a small reception afterwards, you are expected to mingle and have polite discussions about your experiences in the army. Avoid any gruesome details, as well as anything that would put the army, parliament, or this kingdom in a bad light. You may have one glass of wine. Do not try to have more, the staff are aware of your limit and it would be in our best interest to not cause a scene. When we get there you will have hair and make-up done, a photo will be taken. The medal ceremony itself will be simple. Walk on stage when your name is called, face the king, bow, rise when he tells you, let him pin the shield on you, and walk off.¡±

    Marcus had dropped his kind tone, instead coming across as firm, maybe a little rude. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if the way Anne and I were clinging to each other had something to do with it. Maybe he thought succubi didn¡¯t do romance, and it was a lust thing, which of course would be inappropriate. Whatever the reason I didn¡¯t really mind, there was something honest about the way he talked to us.

    The small venue turned out to be a massive ballroom. If it was back home it would have been the largest building in town. Marcus took us through the front doors and the main hall. It was simple, elegant, or at least I thought so. Some tables were set up, and there was a small stage at the far end. Marcus led us through the stage door and down a narrow dingy hallway.

    When I stepped into the green room I caught my breath, there was another succubus. She was as tall as me, or close to it with her wings, without them she was a little taller than Anne. Her hair was short, which made sense, as she had so much beautiful jewelry on her horns. Any proper hairstyle would be a distraction. She had earrings on as well, and her make-up was beautiful. She was a slightly different shade of red to me, and with her black dress, and everything, she looked perfect.

    ¡°They will get you ready for your photos then,¡± Marcus pointed to a door, ¡°you will go see the photographer though there. It takes longer than you think. If you need food or water you can head back out to the ballroom, someone there will be able to help.¡±

    So that was why she looked so good. If her job was make-up it was her business to look good, to show she understood fashion and colors and what not. I hadn¡¯t noticed but there were others waiting for us. The tailor was there, along with a human and beastfolk, I assume to help the others. The succubus smiled and waved me over. I don¡¯t know why but I looked to Anne and waited for her to nod before I walked over to her.

    ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± She said in a friendly voice when I sat down at the vanity. ¡°I¡¯m Ezrylliil, I work in fashion and make-up, specializing in demons, obviously.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m Zalgeth, I uh, am a soldier, also obviously.¡±

    She laughed and gods why was I so nervous.

    ¡°Relax,¡± she said, gently placing her hand on my shoulder, ¡°I¡¯m sure everything will go well, you already did the hard part. Now, what do you normally do for make-up?¡±

    ¡°Nothing.¡±

    ¡°I mean when you were on leave, or before you joined the army.¡±

    ¡°Sorry, still nothing, I never really¡­¡±

    She smiled, ¡°That¡¯s okay. If you could have is there anything you like the idea of? Or what do you think of what I have on now. It is a pretty straightforward professional look.¡±

    Why was I so uncomfortable talking to her? This should be good, my first time talking to, actually meeting, someone like me and I could only think about not being here.

    ¡°Could have? No,¡± I explained, ¡°I just never wanted to, and you look good but¡­¡± The idea made my skin crawl but I obviously didn¡¯t want to say that, especially when I didn¡¯t know why. Thankfully Anne came to rescue me.

    ¡°I love your horns!¡± Anne¡¯s voice was an instant comfort.

    Ezrylliil turned to Anne and smiled, ¡°Thank you, non-demons usually don¡¯t feel comfortable mentioning them.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s a shame. Anyway, Zal, love,¡± Anne gave me a quick kiss and said to me, ¡°mind if I borrow her for a minute.¡±

    Ezrylliil answered, ¡°I think I should focus ¨C¡±

    Anne whispered something to her and she nodded, ¡°Okay,¡± she said to Anne before they walked away. I could see them in the mirror in front of me. Anne¡¯s back was to me but I could see Ezrylliil¡¯s face and she was frowning a little. Unfortunately she noticed I was watching in the mirror and moved her wing to cover her and Anne from me. They couldn¡¯t have talked for more than a minute or two before Ezrylliil came back and Anne went to get her make-up dealt with. Both of them seemed happy with how their little secret conversation went.

    ¡°Here,¡± Ezrylliil said, writing an address on a piece of paper and handing it to me, ¡°fourth day of each week, at around seven I have a little get-together for succubi like us whose lives are different from others of our kind. It¡¯s nothing fancy, we just have supper together and talk. You are welcome anytime, but your girlfriend isn¡¯t, succubi only, no offense.¡±

    ¡°None taken.¡± I suspected I was different in a lot of ways compared to a normal succubus, so I didn¡¯t know exactly what she meant, but it didn¡¯t matter. I was going to show up, I had to take this chance.

    ¡°Your girlfriend also explained what I should do for make-up, so don¡¯t worry,¡± and with that she got to work. It was weird having someone other than Anne touch my face, but at the same time it was relaxing. To my relief when she finished and I looked in the mirror I still looked like me, just less tired.

    ¡°It might look a bit off, but that is because this is for the photos, after those are done, I will take it off and put on something normal, same style though, so don¡¯t worry.¡±

    I nodded, ¡°thanks.¡±

    ¡°No trouble, good luck.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t imagine why I would need luck to have my picture taken but I soon found out. The process was unbelievably frustrating. I kept trying to explain to the photographer that I couldn''t hold the positions he wanted, at least not while staying perfectly still for minutes. Eventually after arguing for far too long he let me use a rifle as a prop to rest my hands on so I could keep them still. Thankfully the group photo wasn¡¯t so bad. The photographer, having learned his lesson, let me pick a pose I knew I could hold properly. The strange part about the photos was the fake shield. It was interesting that they would rather the picture lie, showing me with that little shield pinned to my jacket before I officially received it, instead of waiting until after the ceremony to take the picture.

    After Ezrylliil re-did my make-up she left after giving me a quick hug goodbye. We hadn¡¯t said much but I guess Anne made some sort of impression on her on my behalf. I couldn¡¯t tell the difference between the photo make-up and the not photo-make up. I guess it was some rich person thing I didn¡¯t understand, some detail too small to care about. We had nothing to do for a while so I sat down on a run down couch in the green room with Anne resting her head on my lap. I scratched her as she purred softly. We were almost asleep when Marcus showed up again.

    ¡°Okay listen up you four, the king is here, you have about 15 minutes before you have to be on stage. Get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, and let the tailor make sure nothing is wrinkled,¡± he turned to Anne and I, ¡°get any fur off it, and keep affections to a minimum.¡± Anne laughed at him, her eyes still closed, head still in my lap. I didn¡¯t stop scratching her. There was a tense silence as Marcus thought about whether or not he should say anything else, but I guess he figured, correctly, that it wasn¡¯t worth the effort. There was a little of Anne¡¯s fur on my pants but it was easy enough to get rid of, so I had plenty of time to stand in the hallway behind the stage, waiting nervously to meet the King. Thank the gods Anne was with me, holding my hand.

 Chapter 10

    Marcus did a shit job of explaining things. Thankfully a stage hand noticed we were standing in the wrong order and made up for his mistake. They explained that there were marks on the near and far side of the stage. We were to stand at ease in alphabetical order and listen to the king¡¯s speech, then he would call us one by one to give us our shields, after which we would stand on the marks at the far side of the stage as the king gave another speech. After was the reception where we would walk around talking to people about the war. As we waited I could hear the noise of the crowd in the ballroom. It made this more real, which put me at ease for some reason.

    The stage hand stayed with us to make sure we went on at the right time. When they sent us out it took a while for my eyes to adjust. It was so bright, and surprisingly loud, but looking over the crowd I didn¡¯t feel anything. My mind was stuck on trying to decide if this was a big or small crowd, and the fashion was distracting. I had never seen so many rich people in one place and the effect was almost comical.

    The crowd didn¡¯t notice when the king walked on stage. I didn¡¯t see where he came from, he seemed to just appear out of nowhere. It was strange, I had seen portraits of course, and he looked like them, but he had an unassuming presence, nothing like the powerful king in the pictures. He stood, relaxed, hands behind his back, happy to wait for the crowd to slowly realize he was waiting for them to be quiet. His naval uniform covered in medals, his tall stature, the pistol on his hip, his father¡¯s rifle on his back, something should have gotten everyone¡¯s attention. The most powerful man in the kingdom looked over the crowd with a soft smile, looking like he didn¡¯t have a care in the world. As we waited he smiled at us and shrugged apologetically. I smiled back at him. If I had a grandfather I would imagine him. His gray beard and locs made him seem wise, and deep wrinkles in his face when he smiled made his warmth seem all the more genuine, even though I knew it wasn¡¯t. I don¡¯t know how he managed to not be intimidating, how I felt more relaxed with him on stage..

    After what felt like ages the ballroom finally fell silent. The King still didn¡¯t say anything, he seemed to enjoy the silence, even closing his eyes for a moment. When he finally spoke his voice was strangely normal, like he was talking to a friend, just louder, but only enough to fill the ballroom.

    ¡°Now, we all know why we are here, and I thank you all for the contribution you have made to the army to be here. I want to ask for more. It breaks my heart that a war can be old news, that our soldiers fight and die and the papers don¡¯t consider it worth a mention. Another unnamed battle, another raid on our trenches forgotten. It¡¯s not right. Please, remember, and talk about it. Here it feels like peace, but that feeling is a lie, do not fall for it. These four here stopped a potential breakthrough. If they hadn¡¯t been there, well, God put them there, and by his grace we don¡¯t need to worry about what might have happened. With their officers dead, the lines cut from the bombardment, they saw their position was going to be overrun and organized a retreat while they stayed behind holding back hundreds with a single gatling gun. As a last heroic act they used a targeting flare to call our own artillery down on them. Thanks to their quick thinking and our artillery it was easy to retake our trenches. Please, understand, that when the papers say the front is unchanged, or worse, say nothing at all, that it is thanks to the blood and heroism of our army that the line holds.¡± The king turned to us, spoke to us, his back to the crowd. ¡°Now, onto the shields. They represent the way you protected the Kingdom of Matara, but that is only half of it. In thanks, the Kingdom of Matara now protects you. Whatever happens, remember that, and enjoy peace, enjoy your lives, or go back to war if you want, it is up to you. I hope you continue to serve in some way, army, navy, politics, I know you will excel. My point is, after things settle down, remember nothing is beyond your reach now, Matara owes you.¡± He cleared his throat and stood up straighter. His voice changed a little, he sounded more like a king now.

    ¡°Private Anne Mwenya, please come forward and receive your shield.¡±

    She walked to the king. He pinned the little silver version of a traditional hide shield to her jacket and hugged her. I didn¡¯t expect that, and clearly neither did Anne. I didn¡¯t like the idea of hugging him, but when it was my turn it wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought it would be. He seemed kind even up close, and the hug was brief. To my surprise the king didn¡¯t give another speech, he followed me and ushered all of us offstage into the crowd.  There was some scattered applause, the audience as confused as we were by the King¡¯s behavior.

    The reception was awful. Over and over I described trench foot to rich people who stared at me with horror and disbelief. It took so much effort to convince them that good boots and dry socks was all it took, and that we really lacked them in the trenches. The King was surprisingly helpful. He mostly stayed with us as we made our way around the room, nodding along in agreement, saying nothing, and redirecting back to us if anyone asked him anything directly. We tried talking about lice, but it didn¡¯t seem to have the same impact, I guess because it is hard to understand how much worse they are in the trenches. The passive aggressive comments about how I was better than other demons wore me down and I struggled to keep my temper under control. Anne helped with that, she never left my side, letting me keep my arm around her, but we got stares for it. It was frustrating that no one said anything good or bad about us, that no one acknowledged we were clearly together. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

    I raised my voice a little in anger at a stupid question and thankfully the King noticed and bailed me out.

    ¡°I am not as young as I used to be,¡± he said to no one in particular, ¡°and I would like to speak privately to our new shields.¡± Everyone we passed gave the King a slight nod as he led us to a side room. He had clearly planned this. There were no servants, just a table with five chairs and some wine and bread on it.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± the King said as his demeanor changed. He seemed suddenly tired as he took the rifle off his back, placed it on the table, and sat down, leaning back into the chair. ¡°I have tried to get the word out, about how bad the trenches are, but it is unpleasant to read about, so no one reads about it. Socks though, that is a good idea, I might be able to manage that. Boots are too political, they are expensive, and a visible part of the uniform, a little beyond me. You would think being King I would be able to do what I want but every charitable donation is a potential political shitshow so I have to be very careful.¡±

    I was stunned by the King¡¯s sudden openness and didn¡¯t think to say anything.

    ¡°Thank you, your majesty.¡± Anne said with a little bow.

    ¡°No, thank you, and come, sit down, relax. I am the son of the Liberator, I treasure these moments when I can talk to people the way he did. It is frustrating that I have been forced to spend my reign holding Matara together. When I was a child I wondered what great social change I would bring, how I would live up to my father¡¯s legacy, but,¡± he shook his head ¡°I know better than to think you are ignorant of politics, of why you were fast tracked for the shields, and I want to be clear, you were fast tracked, but you deserve them, I would not have given them to you otherwise. Now I have to rebuild our navy, and quickly, with our ally of the faith¡¯s great fleet suddenly obsolete, and we will have to get the money from somewhere, just another fucking crisis that if I handle well no one will remember and if I fuck it up, ¡° he sighed, ¡°It is clearly what God wants from me and I do my best, but we can¡¯t handle an invasion, we haven¡¯t even come close to recovering from slavery.¡±

    We all looked at the rifle on the table.

    ¡°Is that really it?¡± Anne asked nervously.

    The King nodded, ¡°Yes it is. My father proudly executed 436 slavers with it.¡± There was a pause before he asked Anne, ¡°Want to hold it?¡±

    ¡°You would let us be armed in your presence?¡± Kate asked in disbelief.

    The King laughed, ¡°First of all, it isn¡¯t loaded, and it¡¯s a muzzle loader so that isn¡¯t happening quick, second, you didn¡¯t think it strange you weren¡¯t searched? I forbid it. The way I see it, if war heroes want to assassinate me, especially the first time we meet, I have profoundly failed as King and likely deserve it.¡±

    He pushed the rifle towards Anne. She picked it up and pointed it at the wall and looked down the sights, smiling.

    ¡°Pass it around,¡± the King said, ¡°I may be taking advantage of you to complain about being in my father¡¯s shadow, but that rifle is special, and you won¡¯t get a chance like this again, to hold a part of history that will never be forgotten. He was a good man and a good king, a rare combination.¡±

    I wanted to feel something profound when I held the rifle. It was beautiful, made of ivory and metal, prayers carved elegantly into the ivory. I wanted to feel like it mattered, that this moment mattered, that all the lives given to end the greatest evil were in some way connected to this rifle, the one that fired the last shots of liberation, but it was before I was born. It wasn¡¯t my fight and holding the rifle now didn¡¯t change that so I passed it to Rebecca.

    ¡°Anyway,¡± the King said, ¡°I want to apologize, I have not managed any social change, and it seems likely I never will. God seems to want me to hold the kingdom together and do little else, but I am still my father¡¯s son. I may be king but I am not a royalist. I have no issue with gay people, orphans need homes, that is clearly why God made you, and even for demons, it is clear God judges us on how we overcome our sinful nature, as you have Zalgeth, not on how we are born. It doesn¡¯t help that the house of commons has fewer true commoners in it every election. Anyway, my point is, if you need help, reach out. There are many small things I can do easily without attracting any undue attention, and it would be nice to have a meal with any of you at some point. It is hard for me to have long talks with commoners without the royalists getting suspicious, and your shields give me the perfect excuse. I would like to hear first hand what life is really like out there.¡±

    ¡°We would be honored.¡± Kate said, the rest of us nodding in agreement.

    ¡°Thank you, and I have one more thing before I go, then you can relax.¡± The King laughed, he was clearly aware how uncomfortable this was for us. ¡°Zalgeth,¡± he turned to me and gave me a small metal box from his pocket, ¡°here are citizenship papers. My lawyers assure me that this works, even though the law isn¡¯t meant to be used for demons. You can now vote, own property, and run for office, and I hope you all consider running. I want people I can respect in the house of commons. Anyway, in case someone doesn¡¯t believe you there is a letter in my own hand explaining how it all works legally. If they still don¡¯t believe you, reach out to me.¡±

    ¡°Thank you, your majesty,¡± I said, desperate not to offend the man who had so much power over me.

    He smiled warmly, ¡°Relax, it¡¯s the least I could do.¡± He picked up his father''s rifle from the table and left, giving us a smile and a friendly wave before he closed the door behind him.

 Chapter 11

    ¡°Well that was unexpected.¡± Rebecca said to no one. I nodded, Anne ignored her. ¡°I¡¯m sorry by the way,¡± Rebecca said, as if it was an afterthought. Anne growled softly and slid her chair closer to me. I looked at Rebecca and shrugged, I didn¡¯t want her to feel bad, and I hoped that my gesture let her know that I wasn¡¯t mad, but Anne was, and it was up to her.

    ¡°Can I see it?¡± Anne asked, looking at the metal box in my hands. I gave it to her. It was a gift, I knew that, but I didn¡¯t want the damn thing. It didn¡¯t do me any good. I had met my first succubus earlier today and now this. I didn¡¯t want to be different, I didn''t want anyone to think I was a royalist, I didn¡¯t want the King to be able to decide this for me. How was I supposed to face a group of succubi knowing I have more rights than them? Do I say anything to them, it felt wrong not to, but how could I bring it up? What if they think I think I am better than them? I knew I was spiraling but it would take Anne to pull me out of it.

    ¡°What does he want from me?¡± I asked her.

    ¡°He did say he wants us to run for office, and we all painted you as the leader because, well, you know why, so it makes sense he would think you would be the best candidate.¡± Anne replied.

    ¡°Or,¡± Kate added, ¡°he could want to be a hero to the common people, like his father. He seemed desperate for us to like him, not as King, but as a person.¡±

    Anne glared at her and Kate put her hands up ¡°Hey, you said professional, and this is that. Obviously it impacts Zalgeth the most, but it still matters to all of us. For whatever reason the King wants us close to him, and I don¡¯t like that we don¡¯t know why.¡±

    I pulled Anne onto my lap and put my arms around her. It was important we all talked about this and I didn¡¯t want her to lose her temper. Anne¡¯s loud purring, which I suspected was fake, or at least exaggerated, told me I made the right decision.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know why he didn¡¯t ask if I wanted it.¡±

    Rebecca scoffed, ¡°He¡¯s a King, the idea of asking probably didn¡¯t even occur to him.¡±

    I tensed at the thought. I had bad experiences with men giving me unwanted gifts, especially the type who didn¡¯t think about no.

    ¡°Do you think I can keep it secret?¡± I asked everyone.

    Rebecca shrugged, and Kate answered. ¡°I think the question is should you? What would happen if he found out?¡±

    I shouldn¡¯t have been completely surprised that I started to get hard. Anne was in my lap, purring, but I was afraid and not talking about anything sexy. I didn¡¯t want someone to control my life, even if it was something good, supposedly. I wanted to talk, to figure out what to do, but I guess my body didn¡¯t get the message. The thought to hide it crossed my mind, to bite my tongue or press my heel into my foot, to have the pain make it go away. I promised Anne I wouldn¡¯t, but gods I wanted to, it was so uncomfortable. I hated myself for this but what kept me from hurting myself wasn¡¯t that I didn¡¯t want to lie to Anne, but that I couldn¡¯t. She was in my lap, if she couldn¡¯t feel it already she would certainly feel anything I could do to get rid of it.

    ¡°Do you think he would? Find out that is.¡± I said, hoping the conversation would be enough of a distraction.

    ¡°I don¡¯t get why you want to hide it?¡± Kate asked me.

    ¡°If other succubi think I¡¯m a royalist, it wouldn¡¯t be a good first impression.¡±

    ¡°You worry too much,¡± Anne said, leaning back into me ¡°they¡¯ll understand, not like you had a choice. You had to not die, and who would turn down the money we are gonna get, and you can¡¯t say no to a King. Have some faith in them.¡±

    ¡°I hate to say this,¡± Rebecca wearily eyed Anne, ¡°I don¡¯t trust humans, men, or rich people, and the King is all of that, but we, or ideally Zal, could take him up on his offer and run for office. You could be a royalist because of your new connection to the King, a parliamentarian because you''re a war hero in their army, and a populist because you are a poor demon. You could maybe do some good with that, playing all sides.¡±

    I shook my head, ¡°I think that would get me killed, and how many reps are there in the house, 300 and something, one vote won¡¯t matter.¡±

    Anne sighed, ¡°I can¡¯t believe I am agreeing with Rebecca but, look, we are living in the building next to parliament. We might as well go to a few sessions and see. Right now I get it, the idea is, repulsive, but we will eventually have to find something to do with our lives, unlike those two. It is worth considering.¡±

    The silence was tense. I worried that Kate or Rebecca would take the bait. Anne, for some reason that I am sure made sense to her, decided this was the moment to wiggle her butt against me, letting me know that she knew the state I was in.

    ¡°Look,¡± Kate said, clearly frustrated, ¡°I get it now, I think, but ¨C¡±

    We all froze when we heard a knock on the door.

    ¡°Sorry to interrupt,¡± a man said as he opened the door. He stared at Anne and I as he walked towards the table, clearly uncomfortable with how close we were. ¡°My name is Robert, I am a financial officer for the royal family.¡± He sat down across from us and put the stack of papers he was holding onto the table. ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± he said, ¡°it is quite simple really. You get $140 a week, or $560 a month, and so on, up to one payment every five years. The only difficult part is if you move.¡± He gave each of us a small coin, ¡°those have your name on them, that coin, plus the code on the second page of those documents, is how you prove you are who you say you are and change your address, or change the payments from weekly to monthly or yearly, though I recommend weekly for now. It can be hard to manage money, and it makes sense that soldiers struggle with it, not anything against you, just that when your life is managed and your opportunities to spend are limited, it can be difficult to learn. If you keep the payments weekly you can¡¯t run out, or if you do you only have to wait a few days. There is no shame in not having a skill that has never been useful to you before now, and if you want to learn I am sure you will be able to, and then you can switch to larger payments less frequently if that helps. Anyway, read through the documents in front of you, ask me any questions you have, then sign both copies. You will keep one, don¡¯t lose it or let it get damaged.¡±

    I read them, and it all seemed straightforward. Most of it was making it clear we were only getting the money. We were not nobility, not officers, not employees of the royal family, that sort of thing. I signed them without a second thought, I wanted out of this situation. It was getting hard to think about anything other than Anne and how good it would feel to ¨C

    ¡°Zal?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°Any questions?¡± Robert asked me.

    ¡°No, sorry.¡± He nodded and collected the papers, adding his signature to all of them before handing our copies back to us. I folded mine once and put it in the inside pocket of my jacket.A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

    ¡°Now for the best part of my job,¡± he said, smiling with surprising sincerity as he handed each of us a stack of bills. I couldn¡¯t help but smile back at him with the money finally in my hand. I considered asking about our pay from our last two weeks in the army but decided against it. Someone working for the royal family probably wouldn¡¯t know anything about it, and I didn¡¯t want to risk seeming greedy. This was more money than I knew what to do with anyways.

    ¡°Finally,¡± Rebecca said, laughing, ¡°we can find a bar and get properly drunk.¡±

    Thankfully Robert took it well, laughing along. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine the stress,¡± he said to us warmly, ¡°I am on the timid side so I don¡¯t think you would like the place I drink at, but I think there is a gay bar a few blocks south, or better yet, just ask a cab driver, they know all the good spots, whatever you¡¯re looking for.¡±

    With that the three of them stood up to leave. Anne thankfully had an excuse ready.

    ¡°You have fun,¡± she said, ¡°we have other plans, the first of which is finishing off the wine they left here.¡±

    ¡°So now that we¡¯re alone,¡± Anne said, taking a sip from the bottle of wine, ¡°how do you want to deal with this?¡±

    ¡°Um, just wait it out?¡±

    Anne rolled her eyes at me, ¡°that¡¯s no fun.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s been a stressful day, I don¡¯t want to deal with it.¡±

    ¡°That is exactly why you should.¡±

    ¡°Fine.¡± She was right, but I didn¡¯t have to be happy about it, ¡°but I would rather get back to our room somehow. How noticeable is it?¡± I asked, standing up, facing Anne, my back to the door.

    ¡°Like, I can tell ¨C¡±

    ¡°Fuck¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not that bad, there isn¡¯t a clear outline or anything, just, something.¡±

    ¡°Still.¡±

    Anne took a few steps closer, ¡°let me try to see if I can fix it,¡± she said as she put her hand on it, over my pants, as she tried to rearrange things. I thought I could handle it, and I was embarrassed that I couldn¡¯t.

    ¡°Anne, you¡¯re making it worse.¡± Gods why did it feel so good? I¡¯ve fucked her, this should be nothing compare to that.

    ¡°Zal, on some level I get it, but why are you worried? Today was stressful, so I¡¯m hungry, and it isn¡¯t even that late, and I ate so much bread here already, it¡¯s normal. I bet if you thought about it you would realize you¡¯re hungry too, and for you this,¡± she put her hand over it, ¡°is the same thing sometimes.¡±

    ¡°I think it¡¯s pretty obvious it¡¯s different.¡±

    ¡°Yea and humans blush and honestly, think about it, I¡¯m worse than you, I pur, my tail does that little slow s shape wave thing, I get close to you, my pupils get rounder, and like, I know you see it. Sometimes people want to have sex, and they are in public, and it¡¯s kinda obvious, it¡¯s not a crime, there is nothing wrong with it.¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t, I¡¯m not like that, did you see Ezrylliil? She was so confident, comfortable, and I¡¯m only sure of myself when I am scared for my life. I can¡¯t be that succubus, have that confidence. I can¡¯t be the seductress people want and aren''t afraid of.¡±

    Anne laughed, I think it was her way of getting me to relax, ¡°No one is asking you to. You will never be human, doesn¡¯t matter if you become the King¡¯s best friend, so fuck ¡®em. Don¡¯t be femme for them, or be anything for them. We¡¯re rich now, let them be afraid or confused or whatever. I promise you a lot, if not most, of her look is for money, it¡¯s not what she would wear if she didn¡¯t have to worry about bigotry.¡± She started taking off my pants, ¡°what would happen if someone walked in on us? A servant wouldn¡¯t say anything. Some random rich fuck, oh they wouldn¡¯t like it, they might try to gossip, but you are a succubus, like every other succubus, as you should be, so they wouldn¡¯t stop us.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not like other succubus.¡±

    ¡°And how is that working out for you?¡± She put her hand on my horn. They had filled out a little, but they were still too thin, a clear sign of how malnourished I was. My silence said everything.

    Anne kneeled between my legs. ¡°You need to get used to the idea that you are never going without again.¡± She pulled my pants and underwear down just enough to comfortably get my dick out and gently licked from the base all the way to the tip. I pushed my hips up into nothing as she gave it a few gentle strokes, getting me wet enough that she could coat the whole thing with enough of me to comfortably use both hands and long strokes. I couldn¡¯t stop moving my hips, from a gods damn handjob. Fuck, what was wrong with me? I wasn¡¯t even looking at Anne, all I could focus on, all I could feel, was how much I needed this. Anne used her thumb to rub where the head met the shaft and that was all it took. She must have known it would put me over the edge because she had her mouth on me before the first spurt. Anne wasn¡¯t done though, her hands sped up as her tongue worked its way around the head. It hurt, everything was too sensitive, I couldn¡¯t catch my breath, but some part of me needed it to keep happening, needed to come again. It was only a few seconds until she took me as far as she could into her mouth and purred. The vibrations and the surprise of it got me and I moaned louder than I ever had as I came again. I lost myself for a moment, it took Anne kissing me to bring me back.

    ¡°You did so good,¡± she was smiling at me, ¡°got another one in you?¡± Her hand moved to my still hard dick and my whole body twitched as she touched it.

    I nodded, ¡°Need.¡± I said, it was hard to talk when I was this out of breath, ¡°take your pants off.¡±

    Anne was surprised but thank the gods she listened and was quick with it. I pushed her back towards the table and she got the message and lay back on it. I had my dick lined up with her pussy before I realized I forgot to warm her up. I backed up to kneel and eat her out but she stopped me.

    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± she said, rubbing her clit, ¡°just go a little slow for the first bit.¡± I nodded, but when I entered her she was tighter than normal, and I didn¡¯t like it, it wasn¡¯t what I was used to. I went slow, and she relaxed more the farther I got into her. When my hips were against her I waited for some sign she was ready. She lay back with her eyes closed for a few seconds before she smiled and gave me a squeeze with her pussy. I groaned in frustration as I came again. It wasn¡¯t a big one, but still it was enough that both of us knew what happened. For some reason I still needed to fuck her and I didn¡¯t wait for my orgasm to finish. Each thrust was harder than the last as I chased something. My hands were on her waist and I used all my strength to pull her back into my hips with each thrust. She frantically rubbed her clit and thankfully came quick. I needed to feel her come around me to be satisfied. I slowed down as I came with her, but I couldn¡¯t stop. Gods it felt like I emptied all of me into her.

    ¡°Where the fuck did that come from?¡± I said, my voice shaking. I was going soft but there were plenty of aftershocks and they felt better when I was in Anne so I stayed, still standing over her as she laid back on the table.

    ¡°You sure you¡¯re not an exhibitionist?¡± She was so beautiful after sex.

    ¡°What?¡± It took me a second, ¡°shit, no, I forgot.¡± I was panicking a little. ¡°Do you think anyone saw?¡± I asked Anne.

    ¡°How would I know?¡±

    ¡°Fuck.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, told you no one would care, and no one stopped us.¡±

    I moaned as I left her, but I needed to sit down.

    ¡°Okay, okay, but, really, where did that come from?¡±

    ¡°There is a joke there, your dick? No, it works, but it¡¯s too obvious.¡±

    ¡°Anne, I¡¯m serious.¡±

    ¡°What do you want me to say? How am I supposed to know, I¡¯m not in your head. It wasn¡¯t like how you normally are, but it was fun, and you¡¯re soft, so your body got what it needed. Doesn¡¯t make sense to worry when nothing bad happened.¡± I wasn¡¯t convinced, and Anne could tell. ¡°Look,¡± she continued, ¡°if it is still bothering you a few days from now you will have that meeting with Ezrylliil¡¯s group, you can ask them, or ask them who to ask. People say succubi crave sex, for all we know this is normal, how it should be when you don¡¯t hold back.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t like the idea of that.¡±

    ¡°Why not? And give me your underwear, I have decided they are going to be sacrificed to clean this up.¡±

    ¡°Right, sorry.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t be.¡±

    I sighed, ¡°it just doesn¡¯t feel like me.¡±

    ¡°Of course it doesn¡¯t, you¡¯re rich now, out of the army, in a city for the first time, in your first relationship, going through a second puberty. Everything about your life has changed, why wouldn¡¯t you?¡±

    I didn¡¯t answer, but she was right, and she knew I knew she was right. Anne cleaned me up best she could and sat on me as we waited for my aftershocks to stop. When we finally left I kept a careful eye on the few people still hanging around, but none of them paid any attention to us. If someone did walk in on us or hear something they either weren''t here or were playing it close to their chest. In the cab back Anne convinced me to fall asleep by gently rubbing my horns and telling me it was okay.

 Chapter 12

    I woke up to the sound of the shower. My sleep was so deep, and the bed was perfect so I drifted back to sleep. Anne was dragging me out of the bed when I woke up next.

    ¡°Time to get up you sleepy succubus, I wanna actually do shit today.¡±

    ¡°No, it''s not even noon.¡±

    ¡°I am so sick of sitting on a train, then in this room, I am not waiting untill fucking noon.¡±

    I fought as hard as I could to stay in bed but Anne was stronger so I quickly found myself on the floor.

    ¡°Serves you right,¡± she said looking down at me, ¡°you should be excited, you have cash, time, and your beautiful girlfriend, what could be better.¡±

    ¡°I know, it just hasn¡¯t hit me yet.¡±

    ¡°Well I¡¯m not waiting until it does. I want out of this fucking uniform.¡±

    I held out my hand and she helped me off the floor.

    ¡°Tailor¡¯s first then?¡±

    Anne nodded, ¡°I already ate breakfast, and there is a pie on the table for you.¡±

    ¡°Damn okay, I¡¯ll get dressed and eat on the way.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t have to rush that much.¡±

    ¡°No it¡¯s fine, if I stay here I will fall asleep again.¡±

    When I opened the locking drawer to get my gun I saw Anne¡¯s was still there.

    ¡°You¡¯re not armed?¡±

    Anne looked at me confused, ¡°for the tailor?¡±

    ¡°You know I always have a gun on me.¡±

    ¡°I guess I assumed in the city, with things safer than your home, you wouldn¡¯t, and I¡¯m happy I won¡¯t have to shoot at anyone again, I thought you would be too, especially with, you know.¡±

    I shook my head, ¡°it¡¯s the opposite actually, best decision I ever made. I would do it again.¡±

    We looked at each other for a moment. I wanted to ask her to take the fucking gun, its awful, but you shoot at someone because not shooting is worse, and I trusted her to handle it properly, to protect herself. She was there though when I shot the lieutenant; probably saw worse than I did, and she didn¡¯t know what it was like, how fine I was with it. I¡¯d told her of course, but I get it. Killing someone was supposed to be hard, to hurt, but I had to, and it only hurt because I was afraid of what would happen if anyone found out what I had done. I wish I could get her to understand that in the moment it just happens, but it wasn¡¯t my place, it wasn¡¯t right to push her to be violent. I wouldn¡¯t ask.

    Anne broke the silence, ¡°okay.¡±

    I took that to mean she was okay with me having my revolver, so I finished putting on the holster.

    ¡°I could go to a range, practice with it, I should anyway. Does that help?¡±

    She shook her head, ¡°I just don¡¯t want either of us to have to shoot to kill again, it¡¯s not just about what happened.¡±

    I nodded, I think I understood, so I took my pie and gestured to the door. Anne smiled, quickly cheering up after our difficult conversation.

    We got some stares as we left the hotel. I wasn''t sure how much was us in our uniforms or how much was me happily munching away at my pie. I don¡¯t think rich people ever really ate on the go, even though these little meat pies are perfect for it. A couple cabs were waiting on the street in front of the hotel.

    ¡°Hey, can you take us here?¡± Anne asked a cabbie who was smoking while brushing his horse. He took a look at us, clearly confused, then looked at the address on the telegram Anne was showing him.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you are up to,¡± he said to us, clearly pissed off, ¡°but I don¡¯t go to those places, and it¡¯s pretty fucking disrespectful to be wearing that.¡±

    ¡°What?¡± Anne was pissed. I put my arm around her to keep her calm or hold her back, whatever I needed to do to stop a fight.

    ¡°I know demons aren¡¯t allowed in the army,¡± he said to me.

    ¡°Devil¡¯s aren¡¯t, succubi are, obviously.¡± I replied, trying to keep calm.

    He laughed dismissively. ¡°Whatever you say Miss, but I¡¯m too proud of my work to get involved with this bullshit,¡± he said, turning his back to us. Anne was furious, I had never seen her tail puff up so completely before.

    ¡°He¡¯s not worth the effort.¡± I said to her as I somewhat forcefully turned her around and took her back into the hotel. ¡°We can buy a horse.¡±

    ¡°We should have worn our shields, and kicked his ass for that disrespect, or something.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll get us a double saddle we can use until you learn to ride. It¡¯ll be fun, and we¡¯ll be able to go wherever we want, and you¡¯ll be able to hold onto me as we ride around.¡±

    Anne huffed, still angry, but her tail wasn¡¯t so puffy anymore. ¡°Fine, but I am still gonna tell the hotel what happened. He shouldn¡¯t be out there if he doesn¡¯t want to do his fucking job.¡±

    ¡°Of course,¡± I replied, quickly finishing off my pie as we made our way to the front desk.

    ¡°The cabs out front, do they have a deal with the hotel?¡± Anne asked the front desk clerk.

    ¡°No,¡± she replied, ¡°it is a public street, and we occasionally have issues with them, so we recommend letting us arrange a cab. Did one of them try to overcharge you or behave inappropriately?¡±

    ¡°No,¡± Anne said, ¡°refused to serve us.¡±

    The clerk looked us over like she just now realized we weren''t human, ¡°that does happen sometimes, sadly. We try, but we can¡¯t control their behavior, and there is no law against refusing service for any reason. Would you like me to arrange a cab, I assure you the ones who work for parliament will not disrespect you in any way.¡±

    ¡°Maybe,¡± I said, ¡°but after that, we figured it would be better to buy a horse. Any recommendations?¡±

    ¡°There are a few places parliament recommends, but, I would worry you might get a similar treatment. They are used to a wealthy clientele, and may not know how to deal with your needs. I know the stable master, he¡¯s a good man, and he might know of a place that would meet your needs.¡±

    ¡°Is it really that bad?¡± Anne asked.

    The clerk looked a little sad, but remained calm and professional. ¡°Not everywhere, but in wealthier areas businesses worry about their image. It makes them reluctant to deal with anyone who might upset their conservative customers. Officers are not always happy to share space with privates.¡± Anne and I frowned. This overly euphemistic way of saying there are bigoted shits everywhere pissed me off as much as the bigotry, but at least the clerk seemed to dislike it, even if they felt they couldn¡¯t say it directly. Guess it¡¯s not her fault, probably part of the job.

    ¡°Take us to the stable master then.¡± I said.

    The clerk showed us to the stables and left as we opened the door and stepped inside.

    ¡°Damn, I mean, I heard you were staying here and I was hoping to meet you. I am Fanaka, I run the stables here, was just reading about you early this morning.¡± He was smiling as he looked through the mess of papers on his desk. ¡°Here it is,¡± he said triumphantly as he handed me a small newspaper. It was called ¡°The Standard Issue¡± and seemed to be a straightforward army paper. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

    ¡°Fourth page, bottom right,¡± he said as I flipped through it. Most of the articles were short and to the point. Factual telling of promotions, demotions, funding changes, battles, things like that. The article about us was no different, a one sentence summary of why we got royal shields, our names, and to my surprise, it said I was the first succubus to receive any kind of combat medal.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t know that,¡± I said in disbelief.

    ¡°Know what?¡± Anne asked as she moved up against me and put her arm around my waist so she could read the paper as I held it.

    ¡°Your woman is the first succubi to get a combat medal. Some nurse whose name I can¡¯t remember was the first to get any sort of medal. You got a royal shield though, hardest one to get, or hardest one to get if you don¡¯t die. Impressive stuff Private Zalgeth, and you too Private, sorry I don¡¯t know which one you are?¡±

    ¡°Anne.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m still surprised I¡¯m the first.¡±

    Fanaka shrugged, ¡°it¡¯s only been 21, 22 years of succubi able to enlist, and soldier¡¯s must have a pretty shit reputation among your kind.¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t know, grew up in the middle of nowhere, don¡¯t know my own kind.¡±

    ¡°Poor woman, I¡¯m sorry to hear that.¡± Another person more worried about my isolation than I was. He continued, ¡°I hope you got some sense of what you''re missing in the army, I know I did, still drink with a few of the boys, though I ended up marrying a man who was a contractor, he wasn¡¯t in the army proper, but close enough.¡±

    ¡°Oh where on the front were you?¡± Anne asked, cheering up now that she knew he was a gay veteran.

    ¡°I got out a long time ago, before the war started. I didn¡¯t want to leave but,¡± he patted his left leg, ¡°got this fucked up in an accident, so I moved back home, worked for the family business, horses obviously, then got the chance to work for parliament and eventually ended up here.¡±

    ¡°It worked out at least.¡± Anne said. He nodded, sitting down at his desk, wincing in pain a little as he did.

    ¡°As much as I would love to chat, we can do that another time. I would be honored to show you some good bars with my husband. He¡¯s not the biggest fan of war stories, but I think that¡¯s ¡®cause he¡¯s heard my friends¡¯ and mine too many times, and, sorry, I ramble when I¡¯m nervous, should focus on work. What brings you two here, looking to learn to ride?¡±

    I shook my head, ¡°No, I¡¯m pretty good on horseback, we had an issue with a cabbie and decided it would be best to buy a horse. The front desk clerk who¡¯s name I forgot to get said you might know a place. We¡¯re not looking for anything fancy, just a reliable animal to get around the city.¡±

    He gave his scraggly beard a couple of strokes, ¡°My family¡¯s place is the obvious choice, if you don¡¯t mind the nepotism. They mostly deal with the postal service, exactly the kind of horse you are looking for, hard working, reliable, not fast or fancy, though I don¡¯t know how well they will do with a succubus.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve never had any trouble with horses, is that some stereotype I don¡¯t know about?¡±

    ¡°Shit sorry if it is, maybe it comes from most of you having to live in cities and not having the money or reason to learn to ride. I just assumed you smell different from humans the way beastfolk do, but I guess not, or not in a way horses care about.¡±

    I shrugged, satisfied with his apology, he was far nicer about it than any other human I¡¯ve met.

    ¡°I¡¯m surprised it isn¡¯t the opposite.¡± Anne said, ¡°She weighs like half what a human her height would, makes it easier on the horse.¡±

    ¡°Really?¡± Fanaka seemed genuinely surprised. ¡°I assumed that was made up.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m used to it, but I get it¡¯s weird.¡±

    Anne looked up at me. ¡°Don¡¯t call yourself weird. It¡¯s good, since I have to ride with you until I learn. We won¡¯t be too heavy, a regular horse can handle us no problem.¡±

    Fanaka agreed, ¡°A particularly small horse might not like it, but it¡¯s good, and if you can ride well. Have you ever tried racing? Your pretty tall so getting down enough so the wind doesn¡¯t fuck you might be hard, but you would be lighter any human jockey. I guess a short succubus would be perfect, why have I never seen that?¡±

    ¡°Bigots.¡± Anne replied.

    To my surprise I considered trying it. I guess my life was stable enough now I could do whatever stupid bullshit I wanted. Might be fun.

    ¡°You know,¡± Anne said to me, ¡°we should make an actual list of all the stuff we wanna try down. I am not gonna remember it all, and you certainly aren¡¯t¡±

    ¡°I know, I keep forgetting about that dinner with Ezrylliil¡±

    A moment passed before Faraka redirected the conversation.

    ¡°Here,¡± he said, pulling out a map of the area and drawing a route on it, ¡°it¡¯s not that far, about fifteen minutes. Stay on the main road, you can¡¯t miss it. I¡¯ll get Dawn saddled up for you. She¡¯s a good, friendly horse, and uh, Abasi, my brother, he can be, he means well, but he says stupid shit sometimes.¡± Fanaka wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to me, ¡°just give him this.¡± I laughed when I read it. All it said was ¡°Don¡¯t be an ass, they¡¯re war heroes.¡± He didn''t even sign his name.

    Dawn was a great horse. She seemed to know the way, which let me focus on Anne. I wouldn¡¯t say she was afraid, but she was certainly uncomfortable. I could tell by how tightly she held onto me. I get it, being on an animal that could, if it wanted to, throw you off and kill you with a kick is scary, it scared me when I first started learning, but horses are predictable once you know how to handle them and what to watch for. The city is what made me nervous. Watching for people, carts, and other horses was all new to me and I wasn¡¯t very good at it. Thankfully Dawn was used to it and weaved through traffic effortlessly.

    The not at all creatively named 54th Street Stables was surprisingly large. I associated horses with fields, dirt roads, open spaces in general, but of course there were massive urban stables like this. The city ran on horsepower. Not knowing where to go I rode up to what seemed like the front gate and waited. I guess it was the right thing to do as it wasn¡¯t long before a young man opened the gate for us.

    ¡°Hello,¡± he said, taking a look at us as he waved us in. ¡°Any chance Fanaka sent you?¡±

    ¡°Abasi I take it? How¡¯d you know?¡± Anne asked as I helped her down.

    ¡°He¡¯s always sending his army buddies here, not that I mind.¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t say we are army buddies exactly.¡±

    ¡°Oh are you gays then?¡± Anne laughed and I tensed up a little.

    ¡°Yea we are.¡± Anne replied, ¡°army too, but we just met him actually. He said to give you this.¡± She took the paper from my pocket and handed it to him.

    He laughed when he saw it, ¡°fair enough, what did you do?¡±

    ¡°Covered a retreat by ourselves,¡± I replied.

    ¡°Saved a lot of lives I take it?¡±

    I nodded.

    ¡°Guess I should give you a good deal. What are you here for?¡±

    ¡°A horse to get around the city, and a double saddle. Doesn¡¯t need to be anything fancy, but I don¡¯t do well with crowds, and I want to teach her,¡± I gestured to Anne, ¡°to ride, so a calm one would be best.¡±

    ¡°A bigger one too, if it¡¯s going to carry both of you.¡±

    ¡°No, I¡¯m light, magically light, together we weigh as much as a large guy.¡±

    ¡°You sure? I didn¡¯t know that was possible.¡± He asked.

    Anne laughed at him, ¡°Yea, we¡¯re sure.¡±

    He looked away before making eye contact again. ¡°Sorry, my mouth works faster than my brain sometimes. I think I have a good horse for you. The post didn¡¯t want her ¡®cause she is a little lazy, but I think you will like her.¡±

    He came back leading a roan horse. ¡°This is Sweetheart. She¡¯s exactly how you would expect with her name, but when we tried to get her to work for an entire day she got a little difficult. No aggression, but she can be stubborn if she decides she doesn¡¯t want to do something.¡±

    I looked her over. Seemed healthy, and she was gentle, letting me touch her and even inspect her hooves without issue.

    ¡°Anne, it¡¯s up to you, I think she¡¯s good, but it is important you are comfortable.¡±

    ¡°Here,¡± Abasi brought a carrot for Anne to give to Sweetheart. I was nervous, but I didn¡¯t need to be. Both of them were instantly comfortable with each other. Abasi showed me how the double saddle should sit on her and let me take her up and down the street. I liked her, she listened, and liked people so much I had to pull her away sometimes.

    ¡°How does $200 sound, for horse, saddle, everything.¡± Abasi asked when I got back. I knew I should haggle, but I had no idea if that was a fair price. It seemed about right, but I didn¡¯t want to get cheated.

    ¡°That¡¯s fine,¡± Anne replied, ¡°You know, your brother invited us out for drinks with him and his husband, I¡¯m sure he will love hearing about our new horse, and she will be in his stables, so he will get to know her first hand.¡±

    ¡°You wound me,¡± Abasi said, pretending to be seriously offended, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t cheat my brother¡¯s friends, or anyone.¡±

    ¡°Sure,¡± Anne said, rolling her eyes.

    ¡°I swear it, I want to make a good impression. I don¡¯t know his gay friends, he doesn¡¯t let me near them. I get it, I was an ass when I was younger, but I would appreciate it if you could put in a good word for me.¡±

    ¡°I can tell him that you wanted us to put a good word in for you.¡± Anne replied sternly.

    He laughed, either missing that he bothered Anne, or not caring, ¡°close enough, thank you.¡±

    ¡°Oh I almost forgot, do you have a map, and can you maybe help with directions?¡± I asked.

    Abasi frowned when he saw the addresses in Cathrine¡¯s telegram. ¡°These are all in pretty rough parts of town, or I mean, might be different for you, they probably look after their own, but they wouldn¡¯t know who¡¯s horse it is. Let me get a lock for you.¡±

    The device was simple enough. It went around the horse¡¯s chest and could not be taken off without being unlocked, and it had a chain that could be locked to a hitching post or whatever was available.

    ¡°Now,¡± he explained, ¡°a proper horse thief could get through this easily, but considering how Sweetheart is likely to walk off with anyone it is best to use it. Means random people won¡¯t be able to take her. This might be out of line for me to say, but it might be good to spread the word that it¡¯s a demon¡¯s horse, you¡¯re horse assuming they like you down there, especially if you¡¯re leaving her in the same places at around the same time. That is when proper thieves might notice and bring the tools to get through the lock.¡±

    ¡°How much?¡± I asked.

    ¡°It¡¯s on me.¡±

    Anne insisted on splitting the $200 evenly, but I convinced her to take Sweetheart once she learned to ride, and I would pay for my own horse.

    Anne was right to be so angry about the cab driver. One of us should have at least punched him. I thought it didn¡¯t bother me that much, but being on my own horse, Anne¡¯s arms around me, knowing I was able to get around without depending on someone who could be a bigoted shit, it took a weight off me I didn¡¯t know I was carrying. Riding to the tailor¡¯s felt peaceful, despite the chaos of the city.

 Chapter 13

    At first I couldn¡¯t tell the ¡°bad¡± part of the city from the rest, but I noticed some differences. The buildings were smaller, more beastfolk and demons, more foreigners, less cab, carriages, and horses. Some people stared at us, I think it was because of the uniform. A succubus in uniform couldn¡¯t be a common sight, and on horseback I stood out more. The further we went the more run down the buildings got. The streets got narrower to the point where sometimes it was hard to tell what was a street and what was an alley. There were street vendors, people walking wherever they wanted, some people stood and talked to each other, not caring if they blocked the road. The bottom floor of most of the buildings were open, or mostly open. There were people drinking, smoking, talking, laughing. Kids played football in the street. I liked it, people lived here, it wasn¡¯t just a way to get from one building to another so everyone could do their own thing alone, there was a community here, but I wasn¡¯t blind. I saw the tents hidden away in alleys, children that were too thin, beggars, buildings repaired with scrap wood or not at all, but the way people looked at us when they saw where we were going, they were afraid, and I didn¡¯t understand how anyone could be afraid of this.

    6

    We only got a little lost. Missed it when we first passed it, didn''t help that Cathrine only sent us addresses and not the name of the business, but we managed eventually. It was on the second floor. A small sign saying ¡°Freeman Tailors¡± over the stairs leading up was the only indication there was a business there. I was surprised how reluctant I was to leave Sweetheart, she was an easy horse to like, but I had the lock and I had to get used to it.

    To my surprise the tailor¡¯s took up the entire second floor. There was a small room in the back corner, but otherwise it was open and well organized. The middle of the room had a few workbenches, each with some sort of sewing machine. Along the walls and on a few tables clothes and fabrics were on display. An old devil was working at one of the sewing machines. It was loud, and he didn¡¯t notice us walk in. I was willing to wait until he did, but Anne noticed the bell on the wall and rang it.

    ¡°Just a moment,¡± he replied, not looking up from his work.

    A minute or so later he stood up. His suit was a typical black suit, but it fit well, clearly he felt it was a good way to represent his work.

    ¡°Sorry for the wait. My name is John Freeman, how can I help you?¡± He took a good look at us and continued, ¡°though I don¡¯t do military contracts.¡±

    ¡°No, not that, we are just privates on personal business,¡±  Anne replied, ¡°we¡¯re here ¡®cause these uniforms are the only clothes we have.¡±

    ¡°I see the problem, what are you looking for?¡± I had a brief moment of panic as I realized I had no idea, but of course Anne knew.

    ¡°Some formal clothes, dresses for me, suits for her,¡± she explained, ¡°some clothes for riding, and casual stuff for day to day wear.¡±

    ¡°Budget?¡±

    ¡°$40-60 today, we get paid weekly, so we will have more next week, around $120, but we don¡¯t want to waste any on needlessly frivolous stuff.¡±

    ¡°Excuse my curiosity, but that is a budget beyond the means of two privates.¡±

    I shrugged, I couldn¡¯t think of an explanation that wasn¡¯t bringing up the royal shield, and I didn¡¯t want to talk about it, felt wrong for some reason. Anne however took his comment to mean he was concerned about our ability to pay, or at least I think she did.

    Anne took out the remaining cash, ¡°We¡¯re good for it, I get it, we didn¡¯t expect to have this much money.¡±

    ¡°You misunderstand, I am simply curious. I knew succubi were allowed in theory to enlist, but I didn¡¯t know any actually served, and I can tell those uniforms are not standard issue, which is why I assumed you were officers, and that you have no other clothes, there is an interesting story there.¡±

    ¡°We got royal shields, just did what we had to.¡± I said, not wanting to get into it.

    He looked surprised, ¡°Never thought I¡¯d see the day, a succubus with a medal. We should get down to business though. Riding and formal clothes are the best places to spend the money. You will notice the difference, as for day to day wear I have plenty of factory made clothes I modify for non-humans. What do you want today?¡±

    ¡°Your dinner with Ezrylliil is probably formal,¡± Anne said, looking at me.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t think to ask her,¡± I turned to John, ¡°what is normal for a nice restaurant?¡±

    ¡°Suits are safe, though people will think your queer,¡± I shrugged, he continued, ¡°there are different cuts, ties, accessories, that all matters in some circles ¨C¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t care about that.¡±

    ¡°Fair enough. Black is the most common color, generally safe, but for devils and beastfolk, maybe succubi, you risk being mistaken for a servant. That is why I recommend dark blue as your default suit, close enough to black that it doesn¡¯t seem like you are trying to stand out, but different enough that you are less likely to be mistaken for something you are not. It should work for most situations where you are unsure, or don¡¯t want to risk any handmade clothes, as I have pre-made suits I can tailor to you.¡±

    ¡°Works for me,¡± I replied, ¡°I guess that suit then and whatever casual things. Riding clothes can wait until next week, don¡¯t think I will need them any time soon.¡±

    ¡°And you miss?¡±

    ¡°Anne, and just casual stuff for now, some simple dresses.¡± Anne replied.

    ¡°Shit, you can¡¯t ride side saddle?¡±

    ¡°No, so I guess I need pants today.¡± I could hear her frustration. I knew the heat was getting to her, it was always so humid too, I can¡¯t imagine how uncomfortable it must be with fur.

    ¡°When do you need the suit by?¡±

    ¡°Day after tomorrow,¡± Anne answered for me.

    ¡°Okay, easy enough, I can have it ready for tomorrow, come by sometime between noon and five. Anne, why don¡¯t you look through what I have while I,¡± he turned to me, ¡°sorry, I didn¡¯t get your name?¡±

    ¡°Zalgeth.¡±

    ¡°While I get Zalgeth¡¯s suit fitted.¡± This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

    ¡°So why the army, if you don¡¯t mind me asking?¡± John said as he worked.

    ¡°No, it¡¯s fine, I get asked that a lot, and I am gonna be asked a lot more. I don¡¯t like men, and there weren¡¯t any other options back home.¡±

    ¡°My wife is similar, succubus too, but doesn¡¯t like people, not that it¡¯s the same, but luckily she went to a good school. Not only did they allow her to use a Beauvaisian name if she wanted, but when she did they made a public statement saying they forced her to so no one would pressure her. 50 years ago that kind of thing was unheard of. She was good at math, managed to get a job helping with the books at a brothel, eventually ran them, becoming a proper accountant, and they let her take clients only as needed, but it was still tough, even with all the luck she had.¡±

    ¡°Yea, though I should say I chose the demon name, it felt safer. I kept surprising people.¡±

    He shrugged, ¡°I guess it¡¯s a sign of things changing for the better, even if I can¡¯t imagine choosing a demonic name.¡±

    When I took off my uniform jacket he didn¡¯t react to my gun.

    ¡°Anne, can you take my revolver?¡±

    ¡°If you plan on having it on you it should be on for the fitting, so I can make space for it.¡±

    ¡°No,¡± I replied, ¡°I don¡¯t like it hidden. I don¡¯t want to shoot anyone, it is a deterrent. The gun and holster were a gift, and I prefer it to being unarmed. I will get a hip holster eventually.¡±

    ¡°Why not learn to fight?¡± He asked as I handed the revolver to Anne.

    ¡°I don¡¯t like the idea of having to be better than whoever I¡¯m fighting to overcome my natural weakness, and I do practice, or did. I learned quickdraw. No amount of skill, strength, or size can beat a bullet.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t think you are as disadvantaged as you think, your height would help a lot, but I get it. I don¡¯t like guns but they are effective, and I know it is different for devils, and for me. I find it easy to see the art in fighting, considering my work.¡±

    ¡°Not too feminine with the suit.¡± Anne said as she walked over, her arms full of clothes. She continued, ¡°So I¡¯ve looked at your stuff, the handmade things you have on display, it¡¯s good, I like it, and Zal will too. I don¡¯t know much about fashion, especially since we are new to the city. We don¡¯t know what would be best, and you probably do. Also, we got lucky, and we want to share that luck I guess, particularly with another demon. This next year we will be doing lots of political, things, the biggest of which is dinner with the king. I know that is an opportunity for you, so I think we should let you make what you want for us, and we can mention you made it, if you want.¡±

    I nodded in agreement, it was a good idea, I¡¯m glad Anne thought of it, though I mostly liked it because it meant less decisions for me.

    John laughed, ¡°I don¡¯t think you are having dinner with the king.¡±

    ¡°We met him yesterday, got to hold the liberator¡¯s rifle.¡± Anne said confidently.

    He looked, hurt, maybe angry, I couldn¡¯t get a read on him. ¡°Considering you know my last name that would be a fucked up lie, excuse my language, and I don¡¯t think anyone would be bold, so I will think about believing you. Come back next week for your answer.¡±

    He was cold after that, and Anne and I didn¡¯t push it. I guess I should have expected disbelief but it hurt. Only cost us $56 for everything though, including the suit.

    The ride back to the hotel was far nicer than the ride over. Out of uniform we attracted far less attention, and the light casual clothes helped with the heat, even though I felt strange with the exposed underarm holster. Anne¡¯s happiness was infectious. I couldn¡¯t see her as she held onto my waist from behind, but I could still feel her smile. She hated that uniform.

    Fanaka was at his desk in the stables when we got back to the hotel. He was quick to bombard us with questions about his brother¡¯s behavior and our new horse. He wasn¡¯t happy at first, I think he thought we deserved the best, even though we had no use for a particularly fast or strong horse. When we told him the price he was relieved, which I took to mean we got a good deal. I didn¡¯t bring up that his brother asked us to put in a good word for him, and neither did Anne. I thought it would be better to wait for when we could actually talk and he wasn¡¯t working.

    To our surprise there was a letter for me in our room that had been slid under the door. It was from the Army, not parliament, which made it even stranger. I held it, puzzled, until Anne said ¡°Open it.¡± It said I, and just me, was to go to the Royal Military academy tomorrow for a ¡°tour¡± whatever that meant. It was phrased like an invitation, but I had to assume it was an order.

    ¡°I wonder why it¡¯s just you.¡± Anne said, after I gave it to her to read.

    ¡°I don¡¯t like it, they could at least have given me more than a day¡¯s warning.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, not like we had anything planned.¡±

    ¡°But I don¡¯t want to be away from you.¡± I said it before I realized how true it was.

    Anne hugged me, ¡°I know, but it will be fine, and it¡¯s cute being apart for a few hours bothers you so much.¡±

    ¡°I need friends don¡¯t I?¡±

    ¡°Yea, but I like that you are so attached to me, I don¡¯t want that to change, I want you to need me.¡±

    ¡°Good because I can¡¯t imagine life without you, I don¡¯t want to,¡± and I meant it in a way I was only starting to understand. The letter, being out of uniform, seeing her out of uniform, it finally hit me, we were free, no more trenches, no more work, we could live.

    It made me want her, but for a moment old habits kicked in, that it wasn¡¯t my place, that she didn¡¯t want me to, that I loved her so I shouldn¡¯t. The last one hurt the most, it made no fucking sense so why did I think it. I pushed her back against the wall and kissed her as deeply as I could, put as much of myself into it, her, as I could. When I pulled away Anne laughed sweetly whispering ¡°I love you too,¡± before kissing me back and my heart filled, the ache leaving my bones because she understood and all I could think of was her. She let me take her clothes off. I wasn¡¯t sexy with it, just quick, I wanted her naked. Anne tried to get my clothes off but they didn¡¯t bother me. Instead I put my hand on her back and gently directed her to the bed. Her tail flicking back and forth let me know she liked it, which was good because words were not happening, I couldn¡¯t get any out, not that we needed them. Anne knew what I wanted when I knelt at the edge of the bed. She moved towards me and put her legs over my shoulders. I didn¡¯t wait to start eating her out.

    I was a fucking idiot trying to go without sex for a week or more, why did I put myself through that. Now I had missed a morning fuck and that was enough to make me hungry. Thought I wasn''t, but the moment I tasted her I couldn¡¯t deny it. She was perfect, so wet for me, and I hadn¡¯t even touched her clit yet. I wanted her desperate, to feel how I wanted her. I wrapped my arms around her thighs and pulled her closer to me to get my tongue as deep in her as possible. I wanted to taste and smell nothing but her for hours after. She grinded into my face, trying to rub her clit on me. I put my hands on her hips trying to hold her still but it was no use. It was a fight I didn¡¯t mind losing. I felt her shudder when I moved up to her clit. If she wanted it so bad I was happy to overdo it, sucking on it while flicking it with my tongue. It felt so right, hurt so wonderfully when she came and squeezed my head with her thighs. I kept going, I wanted more, but I couldn¡¯t tell if she came again or if it was one long orgasm. It didn¡¯t matter, I wasn¡¯t going to stop. ¡°Okay okay, too much,¡± Anne said in between heavy breaths. Thankfully that pulled me out of my trance.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± I said, worried it had been too much for too long.

    ¡°No, no,¡± Anne¡¯s smile was best in afterglow, ¡°I liked it, needed to stop though.¡±

    I nodded and climbed into bed so I could hold her against my chest.

    ¡°I wanted to try the new underwear I got for you,¡± Anne said after we had caught our breath, ¡°see how well it helps hides you when you get hard, but you were too fast.¡±

    ¡°There will be other erections, but I hope it was okay?¡±

    Anne wiggled against me, trying to cuddle closer, ¡°I liked it, got to not think for a bit, but was it like after we met the king, when you got really out of it?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, more in control than that, but not as in control as normal.¡±

    ¡°Maybe it¡¯s not a succubus thing. I don¡¯t think sex works so well when you try to control yourself, I mean when anyone tries to control themselves, not just you, but Victoria did say it was a second puberty. Maybe it¡¯s both? You¡¯re growing bone now you know, I can feel it when I massage you.¡±

    ¡°That ¡­ that grosses me out a little.¡±

    ¡°I think it¡¯s cool, but I actually like your body.¡± Anne settled against me and started to fall asleep as what she said kept me awake.

 Chapter 14

    It was one of the most difficult things I¡¯ve ever done, but I managed to get up without waking Anne. I took the time to write another letter to my mom, to tell her I met another succubus, the king, that I had new clothes, good food, and a nice place to live. Couldn¡¯t get it to sound right though. It read like a report of my life, that I didn¡¯t care about all the good things that were happening to me. Maybe because I was still having some trouble believing it myself, but I was happy, all I had to do was look at Anne sleeping to know that. Eventually I gave up, the letter wasn¡¯t what I wanted, but it was better than nothing.

    ¡°Zal?¡± Anne said, yawning.

    ¡°Oh, you¡¯re up.¡±

    ¡°How long was I asleep for?¡±

    ¡°Half an hour or so.¡±

    ¡°Sorry.¡±

    I sat down next to her, ¡°No, why would you be sorry?¡±

    She lay across my lap, facing down. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to be the sleepy one.¡±

    I gently rubbed her back, ¡°It¡¯s been a lot, sorry I didn¡¯t notice how it was on you.¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t want you to notice. It¡¯s stupid, and about you, and I think I just had a weird dream about it. Can¡¯t quite remember it though.¡± She was nervous, ¡°I knew your life was hard before the army, and the army was awful to you, but seeing how much better you are now, and it hasn¡¯t been long, and I should be happy you¡¯re doing better, not that I¡¯m not, but I feel like the better you do the worse it was for you, and it breaks my heart.¡± I didn¡¯t know what to say so I didn¡¯t say anything.

    ¡°You don¡¯t see it do you?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°No.¡± I had to think about it for a few moments, ¡°I hurt less, physically, a lot less, and when things do hurt I know why now. I haven¡¯t ridden in a long time so I am a little sore from that. Before it was more random, but that¡¯s the biggest difference, and I don¡¯t know, doesn¡¯t feel like it matters that much.¡±

    ¡°And you killed someone, in cold blood, and haven¡¯t talked about it.¡± Okay, so she just needed to vent, I could listen, support.

    ¡°I would again, I don¡¯t talk about it because it doesn¡¯t bother me, haven¡¯t had a single nightmare about it. We¡¯ve been in the trenches together. I was next to you when we had our shovels out ready to kill with them.¡±

    ¡°But we didn¡¯t have to. I don¡¯t think I could have.¡±

    ¡°When it comes down to it, and you have to, it just happens.¡±

    ¡°For you, but not for everyone. Not to criticize your mom, but you were, what, like 14, when you started doing deliveries alone, riding all day to a stranger¡¯s place in the middle of nowhere, as a girl, a succubus. My brothers weren¡¯t allowed to go out alone until they were 16, and for me and my sisters we always made sure someone was with us, or at least tried to. And that was in a town that we knew, where people knew us, that was safe, and we weren¡¯t demons. Kids shouldn¡¯t grow up how you did. How many times, before the army, did you put your hand on a gun ready to shoot someone if you had to?¡±

    ¡°No idea, lots, why would I keep track of that?¡±

    ¡°Once I was afraid, my brothers were harassed by some humans and got in a fight, it was bad, but that is it for my entire childhood, the one time where I thought I would have to hurt someone to stay safe.¡±

    ¡°It is what it is.¡± I felt grateful that I had guns to keep myself safe, that my mom helped me with that, got them for me, helped me learn, it didn¡¯t seem bad, but I guess that didn¡¯t make it right that I had to grow up like that.

    ¡°Sorry, just seeing you out of uniform, being out of uniform, it¡¯s a lot of feelings.¡±

    ¡°I know I can be distant, or seem distant, but it is a lot for me too, I think it has to be a lot for a while.¡±

    Anne sighed, ¡°I want to want to drink or get high. Instead I just worry. I wish I had more to do. It would help if they gave us a proper work schedule.¡±

    I wanted to be closer to her, and it was weird that she was naked and I wasn¡¯t, so I took off my shirt and moved Anne to be my little spoon. She¡¯s so soft it felt like a waste not to feel her against me. Anne was a little disappointed I stopped rubbing her back, but of course she was happy enough in my arms.

    ¡°Maybe we should get jobs or something, can¡¯t be good to sit around doing nothing  until someone randomly tells us to do a thing,¡± I said, though I wasn¡¯t sure, the time off should be a dream, but days of nothing made me feel almost nervous.

    ¡°If that fucker, what¡¯s his name, met us at the train station, if he gave us a proper schedule, and I guess the army too now with their last minute letter, we could try.¡±

    ¡°I can talk to them about that tomorrow, and surely we can get in touch with parliament and try to get a schedule.¡±

    ¡°And we¡¯ve never had regular jobs, I don¡¯t know how to get one, neither do you.¡±

    ¡°Education? We have the money, if it was private lessons then it wouldn¡¯t matter if we had to miss sometimes.¡±

    ¡°I guess.¡±

    It took some time holding Anne to work up the nerve to talk about what I needed to talk about. Thankfully the revelations about how bad my health was were recent enough that I could use fear to help me work up the courage. Nothing like that was going to sneak up on me again. If I got the slightest hint something was wrong with me, or with Anne, I was going to dig at it until I understood.

    ¡°Do you like my body?¡± I asked her.

    She pushed back into me, to comfort me, ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have said that, but yea.¡±

    ¡°No, it¡¯s good, I can¡¯t keep ignoring it.¡±

    ¡°When I was young I thought I was fat, or not fat fat, but my stomach bothered me, I tried some stupid diets, I just kinda, grew out of thinning like that. I know that¡¯s not helpful, I wish I had more.¡± Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

    ¡°Okay, what do you like about my body, maybe that will help?¡±

    ¡°I know this isn''t really an answer, but I need to say it. Because it¡¯s yours. My better answer, I like how tall you are, you¡¯re beautiful, you¡¯re soft, feminine, and I love how that contrasts with how masculine you are. The way you dress and carry yourself, how you can be confident, scary if you want to be. I don¡¯t know if that makes sense, I¡¯m trying to do better than boobs and pretty.¡±

    ¡°Nothing about me being a succubus, like my horns?¡±

    ¡°You know I like that you¡¯re light enough to lay on top of me without it being uncomfortable, and I think I will like your wings, that you¡¯ll be able to wrap them around me, and they¡¯ll make you look taller.¡±

    ¡°I am gonna hit them on so many doorways.¡±

    ¡°Yea, but it¡¯ll be worth it.¡±

    ¡°For you, not like I have a say.¡±

    ¡°None of us choose our bodies, not really.¡±

    ¡°More choice than demons, they can get surgery.¡±

    ¡°You want cosmetic surgery?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t think so, a smaller chest would be nice but, no use thinking of it.¡±

    ¡°Do you want to know what I think?¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not gonna be okay  with it until you know other succubi. You¡¯ll see them as beautiful, and you¡¯ll like them, and that will let you see the same things you see in them in yourself.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, I¡¯m stuck on the fact that it would be easier to be human, how can I look in a mirror and see something other than how much harder things were for me, maybe still going to be.¡±

    ¡°My dad always said you are not on a path, you are the path. If you were human you wouldn¡¯t be you, because what you¡¯ve been through is who you are. There is no essence of self you can pull out and put on a different path, in a different life, and it still be you. Human you wouldn¡¯t have enlisted, and even if she did, would she have been able to do what you did, I don¡¯t think so.¡±

    ¡°Your dad sounds like a strange man.¡±

    Anne laughed, it felt nice to be holding her when she did, ¡°He reads a lot of theology and philosophy, I like it, made him easy to talk to if you were going through something rough. I didn¡¯t notice it when I was a kid but seeing him with kids after I grew up, it is clear he knows when to just be there and when to go on some distracting tangent about something he read.¡±

    ¡°Still weird though.¡±

    ¡°It''s a good way to look at life. He can go on and on about that analogy.¡±

    There was silence for a bit.

    ¡°I have an idea that might help,¡± Anne said.

    ¡°Okay,¡± I was wary, she sounded a little too excited.

    ¡°Do you masturbate?¡±

    ¡°What, no, why would I?¡±

    ¡°Exactly.¡± Anne left me to be confused for a moment before explaining, ¡°It¡¯s having fun with your body, focusing on it.¡±

    ¡°Sex with you is having fun with my body, why would I want anything else?¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe I have to explain this to my succubus girlfriend, but it¡¯s good to feel sexy and understand yourself.¡±

    ¡°Hey, stereotypes.¡±

    ¡°Yea but, you¡¯re so fucking stubborn, succubi learn to be sexy, to see themselves that way, ¡®cause they have to have sex. You somehow managed to not deal with it until now. I¡¯m not saying it¡¯s a natural thing, just something succubi are almost always forced to learn.¡±

    ¡°You know I can¡¯t do that femme shit.¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t say femme. You would do well at a gay bar.¡±

    ¡°I just want you.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re so frustrating,¡± I could tell she really was a little pissed at me, could hear it in her voice, though she was teasing a little too, ¡°that¡¯s not my point. It¡¯s good to feel sexy, to feel desired, and to know your body, how to feel good with just yourself, especially since I suspect that the way you feel about your body is connected to the way you feel about sex. You enjoy it with me but you should also enjoy it for yourself. It can¡¯t be about me every time.¡±

    ¡°I guess.¡±

    ¡°Like, do you have fantasies?¡±

    ¡°You.¡± I knew that for sure at least.

    ¡°Obviously,¡± Anne was annoyed, and I wasn¡¯t surprised, I knew that wasn¡¯t what she meant, not really, but it was the truth. ¡°Anything specific with me?¡±

    ¡°No, I don¡¯t think about like that, feels like I shouldn¡¯t, that¡¯s it¡¯s inappropriate, especially when I have the real thing.¡±

    She rolled over and looked me in the eyes, ¡°why would you think I wouldn¡¯t want that?¡± She looked at me like I had an answer, but I didn¡¯t. Anne gave me a quick, gentle kiss and asked, ¡°Am I pushing too hard?¡±

    ¡°No, no, but it is too much for now, I still am struggling with having more sex, and not getting rid of erections, it¡¯s overwhelming.¡±

    She cuddled closer up against me, her head ending up between my breasts. It was nice, and to my surprise it didn¡¯t feel entirely sexual.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she said, ¡°I think too much, and I have so much time for it. I just want to help and I know you are working on things, I am so proud of you.¡±

    ¡°We can¡¯t keep saying sorry this much, we never need to, I understand.¡±

    I felt her nod.

    ¡°Do you have any fantasies,¡± I asked, scratching her head.

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    ¡°You gonna tell me?¡± I teased.

    ¡°No making fun of me.¡±

    ¡°I would never.¡±

    ¡°There¡¯s one that¡¯s not the usual stuff ¨C¡±

    ¡°Usual stuff?¡±

    ¡°Like being in love, thinking about stuff I liked we¡¯ve already done, somewhat public sex, or with a chance of being caught, spanking, handcuffs, threesomes, you know, common stuff most people are into.¡± I wanted to question how Anne knew most people were into those things, but now wasn¡¯t the time. ¡°And you can¡¯t judge me. Fuck, why am I nervous it¡¯s not that weird.¡±

    I laughed to try to lighten the mood, ¡°I¡¯m sorry you caught my prudishness.¡± I wanted to know what she wanted. It was Anne, I was sure whatever it was wouldn¡¯t bother me.

    ¡°It was on the train, I don¡¯t know how it got in my head, but it was you fucking me whenever you wanted ¨C¡±

    ¡°I already do that, you never say no, which is ¨C¡±

    ¡°Let me finish. It was, or what is hot about it was that it would happen in front of people, wherever and whenever you wanted me.¡± I waited a moment to make sure I wouldn¡¯t interrupt her.

    ¡°So you wanted Victoria to watch?¡±

    ¡°No, yes, the idea is no one cares, that she wouldn¡¯t watch. No one looks or pays attention to me. Like we would have lunch in the dining car and you would tell me to give you a blowjob and I would, right there under the table, or you would wake me up to fuck me and you don¡¯t hold back or worry about how it feels to me you just do what you want to me.¡±

    ¡°Did you want this with any of your exes?¡± I asked.

    ¡°No, just you. I think it is a trust thing, not that I didn¡¯t trust them, more that I trust you more.¡±

    ¡°Makes sense. We¡¯ve been through a lot together.¡± I knew what I wanted to say, but it needed to be said perfectly. Anne wasn¡¯t good at being vulnerable, and I wanted her to open up around me whenever she wanted to without fear. If I fucked this up she might not tell me stuff like this for a while.

    ¡°Anne, I think maybe you are worried about me, and this is a way for you to know I am getting what I need.¡±

    ¡°Yea, that¡¯s part of it, doesn¡¯t make me want it less though.¡± She had me there, don¡¯t know why I thought that mattered.

    ¡°I won¡¯t do public stuff,¡± I explained, ¡°but otherwise I can try whatever you want. You¡¯ll have to tell me you want this though, often, I like pleasuring you, not myself, I am not sure how to enjoy myself with it.¡±

    ¡°I figured, I shouldn¡¯t have said anything.¡±

    ¡°No Anne, no, I¡¯ll try it, with you nothing could ever be bad, but I want to do this right. Can you come up with what specifically you want to happen, and tomorrow, after I do whatever the army wants me to do, we can go over it and maybe try?¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to.¡±

    ¡°I want to, you do so much for me, let me try.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡±

    ¡°I love you.¡±

    ¡°I love you too.¡±

 Chapter 15

    I woke up the next morning to knocking on our door. Yes, I had asked to be woken up, but it didn¡¯t make me hate it any less. It was too fucking early, especially when I hadn¡¯t had to wake up at any particular time for weeks. My body felt heavy, and it took more effort than it should have to get up and say through the door I was up. Anne wasn¡¯t helping. She was cute covering her head with her pillow, trying to fall back asleep after the awful noise. Why did the army do everything so early in the morning. On top of it, putting on my uniform didn¡¯t feel great, but pinning on the royal shield helped, reminded me that things were different now. I knew I wasn¡¯t in any danger, but it felt like I was. The letter wasn¡¯t clear about if someone was coming with a carriage to pick me up or if I was supposed to make my own way there, so I chose to ride over by myself. I didn¡¯t want to be late, and a ride would be nice. I don¡¯t know why they couldn¡¯t be clear though. You would think the army would be good at giving orders.

    It was relaxing. The streets were mostly empty this early in the morning, and since the college was at the edge of the city, it got less busy the farther I went. I even got to see how my new horse galloped. It was only for a bit, but it was fun anyways. The campus was massive, and I somehow managed to take some back road there and I wasn¡¯t at the main gate. I had to ride around the tall iron fence encircling it until I found it. The whole thing was exactly what I expected for something with royal in the name. The buildings I could see were Matarian in style, massive, ornate, exactly what I would expect from the royal family. The main gate was similarly grand, as was the tower besides it. To my surprise it was an officer on gate duty. I saluted them as I approached, but I didn¡¯t know what the protocols were on horseback, if there even were any, privates were not supposed to have horses.

    ¡°At easy private, name, and your reason for being here.¡± Gods he sounded so much like an officer I would think he was making fun of them if I didn¡¯t know better.

    ¡°Zalgeth Paratonne, I was ordered here by letter.¡± I took the letter from my pocket and held it out to him. He looked at it before handing it back to me, but he didn¡¯t have it long enough to actually read it. Pulling out his own paper, which I assume was a list of names.

    ¡°Stables are on the path to the left, you can¡¯t miss it, then go wait in the tall building north of the stables. Someone will be along to collect you at some point.¡±

    I saluted again and waited as he opened the gate. I was surprised it was light enough for one person to open, but he managed it easily. The campus itself was a little unsettling. So much open space with unnatural short grass. Probably some weird rich person thing, such a waste of space and effort.

    The outside was far grander than the inside. There was a desk for reception that was a little fancy, but otherwise it was a lounge of some sort with tables, a few small restaurants, and students chatting, doing homework, some sleeping even, made the whole building less imposing. The man at reception said they didn¡¯t know anything, or have anyone to contact, so I should just wait around. That left me with a choice to make, try to fall back asleep or get a coffee. While I suspect on some level the coffee might be rude, falling asleep would be worse, and I had the royal shield now I doubt an officer would be comfortable chewing me out like a normal private, and the students seemed relaxed even though they were all in uniform, so they probably weren¡¯t too strict here. It was silly in hindsight but I always imagined the Royal Military Academy as nothing but parading around in fancy formations and saluting in neat lines, but I guess since the students here were going to be officers they were allowed more freedom. I was halfway through my coffee before I realized I forgot to eat breakfast so I got some sort of bread thing. I didn¡¯t know what it was, the place had no line and I just wanted something. It was weirdly sweet, but with the coffee it was fine, and it was easy to eat fast, which was all that really mattered right now.

    I had finished eating and was almost done with my coffee when a student nervously approached me.

    ¡°Private Zalgeth?¡± A part of me wanted to say something rude. I was the only demon here, I had a royal shield on, how could they possibly think I was anyone else. We both knew she was told to get the succubus, so why pretend to be unsure. Such a human thing to hide from difference. She was a kid though, maybe 19 at the oldest, I couldn¡¯t tell, but there was no reason to be mean, just a stupid impulse.

    ¡°Yea, that¡¯s me.¡± I didn¡¯t know if I was supposed to stand and salute. She was a student, which made me think I wasn¡¯t, but she was going to be an officer, which made me think I was. I had the royal shield though, so fuck it, I wasn¡¯t going to salute some kid who hadn¡¯t seen combat unless I had to. I drank the last of my coffee in one sip.

    ¡°Where are we going?¡± I asked, standing up. I didn¡¯t realize how much taller I was compare to her, and she seemed more nervous as I stood over her. Probably has never met a demon.

    ¡°Yideg Asnake, a marksmanship professor here, requested your presence at his morning class. We are going to the shooting range.¡±

    ¡°And your name?¡±

    ¡°Officer in training Fatima sir, I mean ma¡¯am.¡± Ah she was one of those. Interesting how succubi were sometimes considered men, but no one ever thought of devils as women, even though all demons have both bits. We walked in silence for a bit. I guess it made sense for the range to be far away.

    ¡°So Fatima, am I the first demon you¡¯ve met?¡± I wanted to know if my hunch was right.

    ¡°I¡¯ve seen others, and I know of some, but met, yes ma¡¯am, you would be the first.¡± I felt bad for the girl. Who knows what she was told about us, but she didn¡¯t seem afraid of me, just uncomfortable.

    ¡°Hey, no need to worry, we¡¯re on the same side until you graduate. If anyone asks I¡¯ll say you were a model student.¡±

    ¡°Until I graduate?¡±

    ¡°Well, you¡¯ll be and officer, and despite this,¡± I tapped my royal shield, ¡°I¡¯m still a private.¡±

    ¡°Right, no socializing allowed.¡±

    I laughed, ¡°that¡¯s a nice way of putting it.¡± She looked at me confused, so I tried to explain. ¡°Do they not tell you, the enlisted troops have, issues, with commissioned officers.¡±

    ¡°No,¡± she looked down, ¡°they didn¡¯t tell us.¡±

    I took a deep breath, ¡°Sorry, I thought that was why you¡¯re nervous, I was trying to lighten the mood, but I guess I made things worse.¡±

    We walked the rest of the way in silence, and I was happy to see that Fatima was the image of confidence by the time we made it to the range.

    It was easy to tell who the professor was. He was old, maybe around 50, graying beard, bald, and missing a leg, his pants rolled up to show off the ivory and wood prosthetic. It was beautifully carved with prayers engraved on it.

    ¡°Private Zalgeth, an honor,¡± he said, saluting me. I saluted back, but I was surprised. He out ranked me, and I didn¡¯t expect him to make a statement like that in front of his students.

    ¡°Class, I want a moment to speak with her, then we will begin.¡±

    ¡°So I bet you¡¯re wondering why you¡¯re here,¡± he whispered to me. We didn¡¯t walk that far from his class, and while our backs were to them, it would be easy to be overheard if we didn¡¯t whisper.This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

    ¡°Yes sir.¡±

    ¡°None of that. Part of it is personal. It is a rare opportunity to meet a war hero, in particular the first succubus to be one. I hope you will make liberal use of the range and armory, you are welcome to it. It¡¯s good for them,¡± he gave a subtle glance to his class, ¡°to see someone not like them around. For today though, I want you to scare them a little. I¡¯m glad to see you are as imposing as the rumors suggest.¡±

    ¡°There are rumors about me?¡±

    ¡°I keep my ear to the ground so I am more aware than most, but yes. First succubus with a royal shield, and not only that, but the report puts you as the leader of the defense. Point is, some of them may end up commanding troops in trenches without ever fighting in them, and they live isolated lives. I started as a non-commissioned officer. My family pulled some strings, I won¡¯t deny it, and they helped me find work here after I lost my leg, but that still puts me closer to the enlisted than anyone else here, and I know at your medal ceremony you spoke mostly about socks and boots. You know what really causes casualties. I want you to be a blunt, intimidating, demonic veteran, really put the fear of god into them, it¡¯ll help. We still aren¡¯t teaching trench warfare here and I don¡¯t have many ways I can fit it into the curriculum, and I can¡¯t change it.¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re fucked if the next generation of officers still don¡¯t ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    ¡°Okay, we should talk later. I don¡¯t know why they won¡¯t teach trenches, but I might be able to help get them to.¡± I doubt dinner with the King was enough to change anything, but I had seen men¡¯s units decimated from bad orders. It leaves a mark, even though I only ever saw the aftermath. Thank the gods for sexism. Women¡¯s units were not considered ¡°well suited¡± for offensive action and areas of heavy fighting.

    ¡°Tradition, and calvary are, in short, the main reasons why, but I would be happy to explain it better at another time, for now?¡± He gestured to his class. I nodded.

    ¡°Everyone you are lucky. Private Zalgeth here is a recipient of a royal shield. Not only was her defense of her fellow soldiers heroic, but she organized a retreat and called in an artillery strike at great personal risk. That strike allowed our trenches to be easily retaken. He conduct in the trenches and after shows she understands trench warfare. Her experience and expertise is valuable, and I have given her permission to speak freely, and she will be truly honest, something you will never get from your enlisted troops. I will start us off with a general question. Zalgeth, what is the importance of marksmanship in the trenches?¡±

    I laughed, this would be fun. ¡°Unless you¡¯re a sniper, better to spend your time sharpening your shovel.¡±

    ¡°You should clarify why,¡± the professor added.

    ¡°Do they not know?¡± He shrugged. ¡°Sometimes, if the enemy doesn¡¯t use a walking barrage, you can shoot as they cross no man¡¯s land, but otherwise rifles are pretty useless. Bayonets can help, but they get stuck in ribs, that¡¯s why a shovel is better, doesn¡¯t get stuck when you hit someone with it, and you can have a grenade in your other hand.¡±

    The professor and I were happy to let it stay silent for a while.

    ¡°Any questions,¡± he asked. Silence. ¡°In that case you all know what a walking barrage is.¡± I liked him, he knew how to make people uncomfortable in a useful way. A few hands went up and unsurprisingly when he called on a student they asked what a walking barrage was.

    ¡°It¡¯s how you assault a trench without dying,¡± I explained, ¡°Your artillery fires in front of your advancing infantry and both the artillery fire and artillery advance at about a walking pace. It leaves the defenders with no time to get out of their bunkers and start shooting. If you order an assault without that, and without at least a few days of softening them up you might find a bullet in your back, and you¡¯ll deserve it. A fucking waste of life.¡± I looked at the professor, worried that I might have taken it too far, but he was smiling.

    ¡°Questions?¡± He asked, ¡°and I mean it, don¡¯t make me embarrass all of you in front of a war hero again.¡±

    ¡°So how do you decide where to dig trenchworks?¡± A student asked. I looked at them like I had no idea why they would ask that.

    ¡°You start digging where you are, because if you don¡¯t you¡¯ll die.¡±

    This went on for a while. They really were ignorant of the basics. The students were uncomfortable, but I had so much fun. I hadn¡¯t had the chance to lean into my old scary demon persona form when I was younger. Maybe it wasn¡¯t good that on some level I missed it, but I did, and I guess for succubi it wasn¡¯t really a stereotype. Though I guess for succubi it wasn¡¯t that common, but of course people connected everything bad to sex, even violence, and to the average person succubi are nothing but sex. In this case I made an impression, one I hope they wouldn¡¯t forget.

    When we moved on to shooting I continued to make a good impression on the professor and some kind of impression on the students. They had these fancy lever action repeating carbines with rifling and smokeless powder cartridges. I was proud that after a bit of practice I was on par with the best of the class, even with the fancy guns.

    ¡°How long have you been shooting?¡± The professor asked.

    ¡°Since I was a kid, I¡¯ve had a gun of some kind on me since I was 12.¡±

    ¡°Why so young?¡± We both knew why, the professor was asking for the students listening in, not for himself.

    ¡°Men don¡¯t listen to no, especially when it comes from a succubus.¡±

    To my surprise I was given a chance to try a long barreled rifle. I tried to use the scope but I couldn¡¯t make sense of it.

    ¡°Do you have one without a scope? Seems a little unnecessary and it is giving me a headache.¡±

    ¡°You can see that far?¡± The professor was surprised. ¡°I knew succubi¡¯s eyes were better, but that far? I can barely make out the targets, never mind hit them.¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t know that.¡± I replied, a little embarrassed. How had I never noticed?

    He handed the rifle I had to a student and told them to go take the scope off.

    ¡°If your eyes are that good, how come there are no succubi snipers?¡± Fatima asked with a slightly accusatory tone.

    ¡°Not allowed.¡±

    It didn¡¯t seem to satisfy her, but I honestly didn¡¯t care. I was distracted by my own thoughts, trying to figure out how I didn¡¯t know something so basic about myself. At least I did alright with the long rifle once I got one with iron sights, and that helped distract me, that is until I learned something else. Humans couldn¡¯t feel which way the wind was blowing. They used flags to tell. At least I knew my skin was more sensitive, even though I didn¡¯t realize it had a use. Still unsettling though.

    After class ended the professor took me into his office, a small building close to the range, just two rooms and a bathroom.

    ¡°There is something I¡¯ve been having trouble with. I think you can help, and I can pay you.¡± He said after he sat at his desk and I sat down on the other side.

    ¡°I¡¯m not fighting again.¡±

    ¡°Of course not, you wouldn¡¯t be. If you are interested I can get you clearance to tell you more, and you can decide then.¡±

    ¡°Parliament hasn¡¯t been great with giving me a clear schedule, that may have to take priority sometimes, and after you give me the details, I would need to discuss it with my girlfriend.¡±

    ¡°That may be a problem, security and what not.¡±

    ¡°She has a royal shield too, we fought together that day, Anne Mwenya. If you can get clearance for me you can get it for her, for everything. That is a hard line for me.¡±

    ¡°I think I can manage that, if you have now I can get you a little information, you can then talk it over with your girl and get back to me.¡±

    I nodded, keeping my face as neutral as possible. Anne and I had just talked about finding a job and this fell right into my lap. It was lucky. The idea of working for the army again wasn¡¯t the most appealing, but I technically wasn¡¯t enlisted anymore, and as long as I didn¡¯t have to enlist they couldn¡¯t make me fight. It¡¯s not like I had many options anyway, the army doesn¡¯t prepare anyone for civilian life.

    Professor Asnake took a cane with him for the walk over to, wherever we were going, but even with it he struggled. I knew the expression on his face, walking hurt him, a kind of hurt I knew well, the kind of pain that lasts for years, that is inescapable. It made conversation impossible, but I didn¡¯t mind. I liked the professor but I didn¡¯t want to trust him, and if we kept talking I might have started to. I was left sitting on a bench as he dealt with whatever bureaucratic mess he had to.

    ¡°Small arms testing.¡± He said when he came back.

    ¡°That¡¯s all I get?¡±

    ¡°Officially, but you¡¯re smart.¡± I noticed the flattery. I don¡¯t think I needed to be smart to realize that my eyes were why he asked, so it would be something long range. I had concerns though.

    ¡°I would want to be in charge of safety, my own in particular. I don¡¯t want some untested gun or whatever blowing up my hand or face or anything.¡±

    ¡°Of course, you will have enough control that you shouldn¡¯t be in any danger.¡±

    I nodded, ¡°I guess that¡¯s it then?¡± I asked.

    ¡°It is, will I hear from you soon?¡±

    ¡°Yes, I can decide quickly.¡±

 Chapter 16

    ¡°How was it?¡± Anne asked as I got back to our hotel room.

    ¡°Weirdly fun. Turns out it was a professor there, Yideg Asnake, he was the one who asked for me. Wanted to scare some students, tell them how bad the trenches are.¡±

    Anne nodded. She was sitting at the desk wearing one of her new dresses, reading a book, one of many on the desk. I had the biggest smile on my face as I pulled her up out of her chair to kiss her.

    ¡°It¡¯s good to see you in a dress, I don¡¯t know why.¡± I held her against me for a while.

    ¡°I got a job offer.¡± I said after letting her go, it was nice, but I wanted out of my uniform. My indifference towards it was quickly turning into dislike.

    ¡°Doing what?¡± Anne sounded concerned.

    ¡°I¡¯m not enlisting. Small arms testing is all I know, classified. I would be a consultant or something.¡±

    ¡°How did that happen?¡±

    ¡°Yes so,¡± I was embarrassed by my ignorance of myself, but that wasn¡¯t going to stop me, not with Anne. ¡°I think I see things differently than humans, literally, like my eyes are different, I¡¯m not sure with beastfolk, but I can see farther, a lot farther, enough not to need a scope when humans do.¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t know that, I knew your eyes were better, but I didn¡¯t know they were that much better. I can see a little better than humans in the dark, but it¡¯s not enough to matter.¡±

    ¡°Well that¡¯s how I got the job, found out at the range when I tried to use a scope, so I guess that small arms means something long range, probably just a new long rifle, and I¡¯ll check it out before, make sure it¡¯s safe.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not worried about that, I know you¡¯re careful. Do you want to though?¡±

    I shrugged, ¡°I liked shooting, I think I still do, hopefully it is being paid to shoot some guns and tell someone what I think about them. Can¡¯t get much better than that, and I will make sure I don¡¯t agree to anything that would force me to keep working for them. I¡¯ll just quit if I don¡¯t enjoy it.¡±

    ¡°Good.¡±

    I didn¡¯t know what to say, I had talked about what I needed to, and while I was a little curious about what books she got, presumably from a library, I was nervous. I wanted to want whatever Anne wanted and I wasn¡¯t sure I would. Anne of course knew what I was thinking about. ¡°We should have lunch, get your suit, then we can talk.¡± I nodded. ¡°But first,¡± she said, looking up at me, her eyes saying that she wanted me. Her hand ran up my thigh, across my stomach, and back down my other thigh before she kissed me and grabbed my ass, pulling me up against her. She was perfect. After she was finished kissing me Anne put her hand on my pants, on my dick, keeping her hand there as I got hard.

    ¡°Good,¡± she said, suddenly pulling her away. I was too confused to do or say anything. Anne went to the dresser and took out a pair of my new underwear.

    ¡°I noticed you didn¡¯t wear them today.¡± She was questioning me.

    ¡°I thought you would want to see if they work.¡±

    Anne sighed, ¡°It¡¯s okay to be uncomfortable with this whole thing, but trust me they will help.¡±

    Sometimes it was frustrating how well she knew me. What if I wanted to hold onto my silly fears a little longer. Not that I did, just, I don¡¯t know why I thought that sometimes, that I found comfort in them.

    ¡°Pants off babe,¡± Anne said, tossing me the underwear. They were long tight boxers, the texture was nice but strange, stretchy, elastic must have been woven in with the fabric. The right leg had a wide elastic band sewn in it, and there was a pocket of some sort inside. I guess the idea was to keep it up against the inside of my leg so it wouldn¡¯t be so visible.

    ¡°I noticed that is where you normally have it, but there are other options if it doesn¡¯t work, or isn¡¯t comfortable.¡± Once again Anne knew more about my body than I did. I never realized I was so predictable. It felt awkward taking off my pants and underwear while hard and still wearing a shirt. It got worse when I tried to put the new underwear on. At first I tried to put it on normally, or as normally as I could when hard, but then I realized I wasn¡¯t in the pocket, so I had to slide them halfway down my leg and try to get it in before pulling them up. I heard Anne laughing, ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± I snapped, ¡°This is bad enough already.¡±

    ¡°No, it''s cute, funny, but also cute. I don¡¯t get to see this side of you this much.¡±

    I felt a little guilty, did I really not seem cute to Anne, I thought of her like that almost constantly. My current practical problems distracted me from that chain of thought before I could get any deeper into my own head.

    To my surprise once I got them on and adjusted things a little they were comfortable, more so than the men¡¯s stuff I normally wore. These actually fit my ass and hips properly. Putting my pants back on and looking in the mirror I wasn¡¯t surprised to see Anne was right. I could tell at certain angles, but the only position that looked obscene was if I spread my legs while sitting down, as that pulled my pants tight, and, well, but easy enough to avoid. Satisfied, I started to get undressed.

    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°Since you started this I thought you wanted to ¨C¡±

    ¡°No, not now, and you have to get used to it anyway, plus it¡¯s kinda fun for me.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡± I really didn¡¯t want to, but¡­

    Anne hugged me, ¡°You know you don¡¯t have to, we can, or you can, deal with it.¡±

    It took me a moment to realize I really was going to say what I was about to.

    ¡°No, I can wait, it¡¯s good for me, but,¡± I looked at her, ¡°It¡¯s easier if we can pretend you¡¯re making me.¡±

    ¡°Not far from the truth anyway.¡±

    I laughed.

    Lunch was fine. Anne sat in my lap and teased me the whole time and I let myself enjoy it since we were alone together in our room. I thought the ride to the tailor¡¯s would give me a break but having Anne hold me, her breasts pushing into my back was still too much. Over and over in my head I told myself it was fine, the tailor was a devil, his wife a succubus, he wouldn¡¯t care, he would understand. I was so nervous I was almost shaking when I walked into his shop but he, well he must have noticed as he had to do some adjustments, but he didn¡¯t say anything about it. When I saw myself in the suit I stood up a little straighter. I looked good, handsome, like a professional at some not physical job, and the pants hid everything. It caught me off guard. The good feeling didn¡¯t last, but it was nice for a while to think I really looked that good. Just before we started our ride back to the hotel Anne hugged me. ¡°We¡¯ve come so far,¡± she said sweetly. I rode slowly, so she could lean her head against my back as we made our way.

    Honestly I wasn¡¯t thinking about sex until we were almost back. Maybe it wasn¡¯t good, but I liked how Anne and I fucked, if it was up to me I wouldn¡¯t change anything, as boring as that was, but then it wouldn¡¯t really be with Anne. I wanted her, including all the differences between us, those were the most important in a way. I readied myself. I would say yes, she did most of the caring in this relationship, it wasn¡¯t right.

    ¡°How do you want to have this talk?¡± she asked when we were back in our room.

    ¡°Naked in bed.¡± It was in part because how could I not want her naked in bed after hours of teasing, but I couldn¡¯t think of a place I felt safer than in our bed with her against me. My heart rate slowed from the relief of holding her against me. For some reason I held her breast as I spooned her, it was comforting for reasons I didn¡¯t understand. I wanted to hold both, but my other arm was trapped under her head, the best I could do was wrap my tail around her ankle. I felt warm, in the best way, a deep warmth that moved through my body and soaked my bones when I felt her relax. I don¡¯t know how long we lay there, but she was the one to break the silence. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.

    ¡°This is hard for me.¡± I almost replied ¡°I know¡± on impulse, but something in her voice told me it was harder for her than I thought it was, that I really didn¡¯t know. ¡°I know I joke about you being a repressed succubus, but I meant what I said on the train, even though I was yelling. I took your virginity. Whatever you had to do with prostitutes, it wasn¡¯t sex, not really, and now this.¡±

    ¡°I can say no.¡±

    ¡°Would you though?¡±

    ¡°Probably not. I trust you.¡±

    ¡°It isn¡¯t about trust. What if this is just what I want, if I¡¯m using you?¡±

    ¡°There isn¡¯t a difference between what I want and what you want.¡±

    ¡°Stop that romantic shit. I need to know that you won¡¯t agree to something you don¡¯t want. Don¡¯t do this for me, I need you to be honest.¡±

    ¡°I will, but Anne, you¡¯re not going to hurt me.¡±

    ¡°I already have.¡± She mumbled into her pillow. When? There wasn¡¯t anything I could remember.

    ¡°I broke up with you,¡± that did hurt, but she did the right thing, we didn¡¯t know any better, ¡°and in the shower, when we weren¡¯t together and I had to, and I kissed you ¨C¡±

    I wasn¡¯t going to let this go on, ¡°we had to, I asked you.¡±

    ¡°I should have told you I still loved you, that I was wrong, that we would be together no matter what.¡±

    ¡°Anne,¡± I tried to sound serious, but it came out sad. Hearing Anne talk like that, I couldn¡¯t. ¡°I¡¯d forgotten honestly, because of what I am I have had so much sex I wouldn¡¯t agree to otherwise, I don¡¯t always have a say.¡± It was just life for me, if I let it bother me I would break.

    ¡°I¡¯ve had nightmares about it.¡± Anne replied, softly.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t notice.¡±

    ¡°Didn¡¯t want you to, what was I supposed to say?¡±

    ¡°Anything, I could have told you how much I love you, how you put my heart back together, I could have held you, kissed you, rubbed your back until you went back to sleep, if you just told me.¡±

    Silence, for a few moments.

    ¡°You really forgot, you seemed so, broken, the look on your face after haunts me.¡±

    I forced myself to laugh a little. ¡°I mean, I don¡¯t think shower sex is something I want, but otherwise, I¡¯m fine, really. It had to be done.¡± I took a moment before asking the obvious question.

    ¡°Is that what this is about, wanting me to do what I want to you, so you know I want it?¡±

    ¡°I think so, it¡¯s not, I didn¡¯t try to want this.¡±

    I held her tighter, ¡°It really messed you up didn¡¯t it?¡± Anne nodded and I couldn¡¯t tell if she was crying or not. ¡°I love you, thank you so much for telling me. I¡¯m here, I¡¯m not hurt, or upset, or leaving,¡± not that I was worried she thought any of those things, but I had to say something, comfort her. Anne wiggled up against me, ¡°I¡¯m fine, it doesn¡¯t feel great right now, but I knew I had to tell you before we got to talking about the fun stuff.¡±

    ¡°We can wait, if you want time to¡­¡± I wasn¡¯t sure what she would do with the time, but it felt like the right thing to say.

    ¡°No I did the hard stuff now I get to talk about the fun stuff.¡± I left the obvious joke unsaid, it didn¡¯t feel like the time for it.

    ¡°I was thinking, to start,¡± Anne explained, ¡°is that in our room I don¡¯t wear clothes and you don¡¯t ask, you just do what you want, and the thing that makes it, um, work, for me is you don¡¯t care about how it feels for me, or if I am doing something else, you can even wake me up. It¡¯s the idea that I¡¯m yours, completely, that you, I guess, control me, or the sex part, it is hard to explain why it is so hot, why I like thinking about you like that.¡±

    ¡°Bad sex turns you on?¡±

    ¡°That''s what you? No, not bad, just sex focused on you, Zal first sex, I don¡¯t know how to explain it.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you though, and if you don¡¯t want me to warm you up¡­¡±

    ¡°I know you¡¯re weird about it sometimes, but if you are turned on it should be enough for the both of us, you get pretty wet, and a little pain or discomfort is, that is kinda part of it too. My fantasies are usually not on a bed.¡± She wasn¡¯t completely relaxed talking about this. I hoped it wasn¡¯t because of me.

    ¡°And if you don¡¯t want it?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll say no, or tell you if it hurts too much. I know you won¡¯t, you know my body well enough.¡± It was simple enough of an arrangement, and while there wasn¡¯t much appeal in it for me it wasn¡¯t bad or anything, and Anne wanted it. That was made clear by how she kept rubbing against my still hard cock as we talked.

    ¡°I¡¯ll want to keep talking about it, I don¡¯t completely understand what the appeal is for you, and I want to make sure I live up to your fantasy.¡± If I had that I was actually okay with it, if I could know how much she enjoyed it.

    ¡°Of course,¡± she replied.

    With that I unceremoniously put my hand on her pussy to feel how wet she was after our little talk. I avoided her clit, I didn¡¯t want her to think I was paying attention to how she felt. I rolled her onto her stomach and lined myself up. It was awkward without a pillow under her hips, but I managed, and against my instincts I pushed into her hard and started fucking. She gasped, but it didn¡¯t sound bad, and she wanted me to not care so I would do my best to make it seem like I didn¡¯t. I didn¡¯t start fast, but I wasn¡¯t exactly slow. I tried to be a little rough, really slamming my hips against her, my hands on her shoulders pushing her into the bed and holding her in place. I thought of all the teasing from today, how beautiful she was, how perfect, how she was mine, trying to come quickly. I even changed my pace to whatever I wanted, slowing down or speeding up, mostly speeding up, when I felt like it. To my surprise she purred a little, and after that it didn¡¯t take me long, I pushed down harder on her shoulders as I tensed and came. It didn¡¯t last long, and the aftershocks were short as well, a few minutes, but there was something satisfying about coming quickly after being hard for so long. Most importantly, Anne didn¡¯t come, I was fast enough. I moved us so I was spooning her again, careful to stay inside her.

    ¡°Stay,¡± I said, ¡°I want a nap.¡±

    ¡°Bitch.¡± Anne teased back at me.

    ¡°Hey, this is what you wanted.¡± Gods I hoped this was actually the kind of thing she wanted. It was a spur of the moment idea, and I was insecure. I wanted to get her off, it felt wrong that I hadn¡¯t.

    Obviously I couldn¡¯t sleep, I didn¡¯t expect to, but I could pretend and enjoy Anne moving ever so slightly on me as she played with her clit while trying not to ¡°wake¡± me. I wasn¡¯t good at acting, and Anne could read me like a book, so I found it hard to believe she thought I really fell asleep, but she was distracted. Thankfully I could feel her come around me from her own hand and I was able to enjoy it, even though it was all her. I waited a little bit before I ¡°woke up¡±. Her body shook a little as I pulled out of her, and I couldn¡¯t help but agree. It didn¡¯t feel great, a part of me wanted to stay in her as long as I could, but that wasn¡¯t for today. I lay on my back and told her ¡°blowjob.¡± She moved quickly, which helped ease my worries a little, it felt wrong to ask like that. I closed my eyes when I felt her lick the tip ever so gently. She took her time, tasting every bit of it, before taking it into her mouth. I focused on my breathing, on how it felt, trying to focus on what Anne talked about when she first brought this up, trying to enjoy my body. There was so much happening. The softness of her lips as they moved up and down, the way she used her tongue to tease the tip, how her hand stroked in time with her mouth. When she needed to breathe she would take over with both hands and when her mouth enveloped me against it felt more intense. There was a voice in my head telling me I was taking too long but I pushed it away, I was going to come from sensations alone, I wouldn¡¯t think of Anne. My mind started to go blank, it was getting hard to tell what she was doing, I was so sensitive, so close, and it was obvious. I was shaking a little, my hips kept jerking up erratically. One final time Anne took me in her mouth and I went over the edge. She frantically licked the tip while using both hands to stroke me. There was a moment when I felt calm before it hit my body all at once. My legs shook, I grabbed desperately at the sheets for something, I moaned, felt my back arch. I was left shaking, and for a moment I felt alone, but Anne laid down on top of me, purring a little, leaving on hand on my dick to slowly stroke me through the aftershocks. We both fell asleep for real this time.

    When I woke up Anne was at the desk reading, still naked. She didn¡¯t notice I had woken up so I stared at her for a bit. This part of our new arrangement I liked, still though, I hadn¡¯t made her come, and that is what I wanted most. After, maybe tonight, we could talk about it, if it was what she thought it would be, maybe then I could figure out how I felt about it. For now though I got out of bed and asked,

    ¡°What are you reading?¡±

    ¡°Just a collection of essays my dad had. I¡¯ve read lots but it has been a while and I wanted something familiar ¨C¡±

    She stopped talking for a moment when I lifted her out of the chair and sat on it myself, giving her tail a gentle tug to tell her I wanted her to sit on my lap. I was already getting hard again thanks to Anne rubbing herself against me as soon as she sat in my lap. I played with her nipples. It was surprisingly nice, relaxing in a way, for me at least, probably not so much for her.

    ¡°You were saying?¡± I wanted to hear her try to talk.

    ¡°Something familiar, an easy read, from the library, even though it¡¯s massive with lots of shit I¡¯ve never even heard of.¡± She sounded so cute trying to talk like nothing was happening. I wanted to kiss her, but she had her back to me.

    ¡°Anything else interesting?¡±

    ¡°Not really, some local history, some, one book about parliament, and I asked for books about demons that weren¡¯t shit, you should read them, if you haven¡¯t already.¡±

    Wait, I could kiss her. I turned her around and did just that, first on her lips, then down her neck, then her breasts, all the way to her nipples. I didn¡¯t care so much at this point if she felt I was focusing on her too much, I wanted to kiss her, and now after having done that I wanted to finger her. At least I could keep being a little rough. I went directly for her g-spot, pushing against it with two fingers while my thumb worked her clit. To my surprise she came almost immediately, not a big one, but the way she desperately held onto me almost had me coming with her. Despite her legs still shaking I bent her over the desk, knocking most of the books to the floor. I didn¡¯t wait to enter her, and I didn¡¯t start slow. It couldn¡¯t have been more than a minute of embarrassingly frantic thrusting before I came, this time properly. I could feel it through my whole body, that wonderful tingling that took away all my aches and pain as my head emptied and I relaxed into the sensations, into Anne. I had to sit down for the aftershocks, and Anne again used her hand to help me ride them out. I didn¡¯t even have to ask. This third fuck was better. I still didn¡¯t want to give up what we normally did, but I could learn to really enjoy this, hopefully.

 Chapter 17

    I should have talked to Anne, but I didn¡¯t know what to say, what to talk about exactly, I just knew that we should talk. Instead I read about parliamentary shit, mind numbing details on history and procedure. I tried a book on theology that Anne got for herself but I couldn¡¯t follow it, even with her trying to explain it to me. It was nice hearing her talk about something she was passionate about, I didn¡¯t need to understand to enjoy it. I told myself we would talk in the morning, but I¡¯d forgotten I had to get up early to go back to the Military Academy to accept the job and ask about where to get a holster.

    When I was invited the stares weren¡¯t so bad, but now I hated it, they made me like an intruder at the Academy. I didn¡¯t want to disrupt the professor¡¯s class, but the succubus in uniform was far too interesting for the students to ignore. The professor had to yell at them to get them to focus. The contrast between how this new class saw me as some strange anomaly and how the professor walked over and greeted me like an old friend was unsettling.

    When I asked about the holster he refused to tell me where to buy one. Turns out the revolver I had was standard issue for officers so he had plenty of hip holsters for it and he insisted I take one. He did the same when he found out I had no ammunition for it, forcing me to take more bullets than I could ever use. It made me uncomfortable, but what could I do, and it was nice to actually shoot my revolver. Nothing else to do as I had to wait for the class to finish before the professor could take me to sign whatever I needed to. It wasn¡¯t a terribly accurate gun, though I suspect a lot of that was me. With how gas vented there wasn¡¯t a good way for me to hold it steady with both hands, and it had enough of a kick to it that I couldn¡¯t keep a good cluster. When I rested it on something it was better, but it didn¡¯t really matter. I was happy to find that I was still quick on the draw, and I could get all five shots out quick, which is what this was for, someone close, who needed to die quickly.

    The paperwork wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought it would be. I had an ¡°operations lead¡± who would tell me what to do in greater detail, there was nothing in the papers here about it. I couldn¡¯t tell anyone, except Anne, about anything related to the project. To my surprise the King wasn¡¯t listed as an exception in the non-disclosure clause. I wasn¡¯t sure if it was because he wasn¡¯t excluded, or if I was to assume I could tell him. Whatever the answer, I figured it was best not to say anything about it. I was to be paid immediately after each session, and could quit whenever I wanted. I signed the papers quickly, they were short enough that I was confident there was no trick. The professor gave me more paperwork, signed by him and others I didn¡¯t recognize, that explained I had clearance for project 187, which disappointed me, I had hoped it would have a better name.Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

    ¡°6th day, three days from now, she¡¯ll pick you up from the hotel. Do your best to remember the way, you¡¯ll be expected to make your way on your own after that.¡±

    ¡°Okay,¡± I smiled at him, mostly fake, but it seemed the right thing to do, ¡°thanks professor.¡±

    ¡°Please, Yideg, there is no need for titles, we¡¯re equals.¡±

    I nodded, not expecting that to be the first time I heard a human say that.

    Anne was more nervous than I was. I really didn¡¯t see how I could fuck up a meeting with Ezrylliil and her group of succubi. Of course I was excited but it was clear I wasn¡¯t going to be like them, that I wasn¡¯t going to fit in properly. It had been bothering me for a while, but facing it now I was okay. They were successful, I was a lucky soldier, and that was fine, they knew that, and I could be myself around them. Or maybe I was nervous and it would hit after, that happened a lot to me.

    ¡°You need to ask them about seeing a doctor, or whatever the demon equivalent is.¡± Anne said as she brushed out wrinkles on my suit jacket that I couldn¡¯t see.

    ¡°I know, I will.¡±

    ¡°You can blame your girlfriend if you want, just make sure you ask.¡±

    ¡°Why would I blame you?¡±

    ¡°I know you don¡¯t like admitting that you need help, to keep up your tough persona.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t have a persona, I am tough.¡±

    She rolled her eyes at me, ¡°I¡¯m being serious.¡±

    ¡°So am I¡±. I winked at her. ¡°Really Anne, I¡¯ll be fine.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s such a big moment for you though.¡± Her voice wavered and I hugged her without thinking.

    ¡°Don¡¯t cry my love.¡± I felt her head shake ¡°no¡± against my chest.

    ¡°They¡¯re happy tears, one of us has to feel things.¡±

    ¡°Anne, I ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know, I don¡¯t mean that.¡±

    I stood there with her in my arms until it was time for me to get picked up by Ezrylliil.

 Chapter 18

    Ezrylliil¡¯s carriage had a certain understated quality to it, small, all black, windows covered. I didn¡¯t realize it was her until she stepped out. Her dress was long, black with a slight shine to it, and a split on one side showed off her leg. A golden vine was embroidered on, starting from the bottom and winding its way around the dress, splitting, and ending in small flowers. It matched the gold rings she had in her horns and ears. She was the picture of a succubus, if any of us were royalty they would look like her, carry themselves the way she did, confident, wings held up and open a little, making her even more imposing.

    ¡°Zalgeth!¡± She smiled like she was happy to see me. I smiled back, not sure how to greet her. To my surprise she gave me a quick hug.

    ¡°It¡¯s good to see you.¡± Her voice was warm, she sounded almost a little excited. Taking my hand she led me to the carriage. The driver was a devil in a simple black suit with a pistol on his hip and to my surprise a sword of some sort on his back. We made eye contact before he looked down at the revolver on my hip.

    ¡°You should have told me she would be armed,¡± he said in a low voice, turning to Ezrylliil.

    ¡°I told you she was a soldier, it was a possibility, and it¡¯s fine. Zalgeth, I would like to introduce you to Sergaz, he is my security, and often my driver as well.¡±

    I reached out my hand and thankfully he shook it without hesitation.

    ¡°I assure you,¡± I said to him, trying to be confident, ¡°I know how to use it.¡±

    He shrugged and Ezrylliil led me into the carriage. The interior had the same understated wealth as the outside. Nothing looked rich, no gold or ivory, no decorations, just well built and comfortable.

    ¡°You know you are very exciting.¡± Ezrylliil said to me as we started moving. The suspension on the carriage was amazing, so much so I was distracted for a moment. Ezrylliil continued, ¡°In this city when there is a successful succubus we know of her ahead of time, as she is working her way up, but you show up out of nowhere, young and wingless, with enough capital and connections to get whatever you want.¡±

    I took a little longer than I would have liked to respond, ¡°It¡¯s overwhelming. In the short term I am going to work with the army again, not enlisted, contract work, and I can¡¯t say anything about it, but I already had more money than I know what to do with, now I¡¯ll have income from that job too¡­¡±

    ¡°I get it, investing, whether stocks or in yourself or in someone else is scary. It took me a while to work up the courage, but it paid off, literally, and as a demon the extra security is nice, financially and otherwise.¡± I nodded knowing that all too well. ¡°It¡¯s good though, opportunity is always good, but be careful, not that they don¡¯t mean well, but getting investors is hard, and it is easier to convince another succubus, someone who doesn¡¯t look down on us, never mind your reputation. You are the most publicly acceptable succubus right now, your presence at any demon¡¯s business would give it legitimacy that they couldn¡¯t get otherwise.¡±

    ¡°You mean they are going to try to take advantage of me?¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t say that, these are my friends, they will want to help you, just in ways that also help them.¡±

    ¡°And is that what you want with me?¡±

    She didn¡¯t answer right away, instead opening a drawer under her seat and taking out a small box.

    ¡°Your girlfriend explained the basics of your situation,¡± she handed me the box before continuing, ¡°it¡¯s cheap, don¡¯t worry, but I wanted to give you something useful, something to remind you that there are others like you, succubi who have a degree of power and influence, and we try to do right by each other, all demons. A rising tide raises all ships.¡±

    Inside was a simple watch, bronze, white face, bronze hands. I put it on, not sure what to say.

    ¡°Do you have any experience working with money, or numbers?¡± Ezrylliil asked.

    I quickly collected myself, ¡°yea, my mom has a pharmacy, I helped with the books and some measuring, I wouldn¡¯t say I¡¯m good with numbers but I know my way around a budget and basic arithmetic.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good. It¡¯s an easy enough skill to learn, but when you grow up with it, you get this sense that helps, and you have experience on how a business should run. That will help you know which ones are worth investing in.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s just a small rural pharmacy.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter, experience is experience.¡±

    There was silence for a bit before Ezrylliil continued. ¡°The city changes a little, you have to be more punctual, and make decisions faster, and there are more choices in terms of suppliers, advertising matters more, but a well run business is a well run business no matter where it is.¡±

    This was my chance, ¡°Actually, I was wondering, do we have pharmacies, demons I mean, or doctors?¡±

    ¡°Sort of, this is somewhat my area of expertise. I started with just selling make-up, but skin care was a logical way to expand, and from that into more general health stuff, but doctors, no. There are some experts but with no accreditation system and the lack of information on our bodies, it¡¯s not great, but it could be worse. Why do you ask?¡±

    I considered blaming Anne, like she offered, but it didn¡¯t feel right hiding behind her.

    ¡°I¡¯ve never seen a doctor, or taken any medicine.¡±

    ¡°You should know,¡± Ezrylliil¡¯s voice was too kind, ¡°you¡¯re horns, they ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know, I¡¯m working on it, it was a lot worse a couple weeks ago.¡±The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    ¡°Really?!¡± I recoiled at her surprise. ¡°Sorry, I shouldn¡¯t have, it is good it¡¯s getting better.¡± Silence again. ¡°The army shouldn¡¯t have let it get so bad, they don¡¯t deserve you.¡± I shrugged, no one got what they deserved, and it was how I met Anne so I couldn¡¯t be mad about it.

    ¡°Here,¡± Ezrylliil said, handing me her business card, ¡°stop by at some point. I don¡¯t have the best healthcare, but it¡¯s a start, and I¡¯ll ask around, you deserve all you can get after what you¡¯ve been through.¡±

    ¡°Are you offering out of kindness, or do you want my support, or investment.¡± I regretted asking as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I didn¡¯t want to be suspicious of her, and deep down I don¡¯t think I was. Thankfully Ezrylliil has a sense of humor about it.

    ¡°Both, but not just for me. I have been around nobility, for work, and their lives are pathetic. They don¡¯t work, not for themselves, not for their people, it makes them weak. You don¡¯t seem like the type to fall into it, but work is good for the soul, and there is a pride that comes with working for yourself, for your people, building yourself up, one you won¡¯t get doing contract work for the army, especially since contract work usually doesn¡¯t last long.¡±

    I looked out the window of the carriage. ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡±

    It was only a couple minutes before we arrived at the restaurant.

    ¡°This place is exactly what you want in a nice place,¡± Ezrylliil explained, ¡°good, simple food, seafood in this case. If anything on the menu looks too complicated, or has some long winded explanation on what it is, it¡¯s a scam, trying to appeal to those who want to feel rich, not eat good food.¡±

    I nodded in agreement like I thought it mattered, like I hadn¡¯t lost all focus on the world around me. I was meeting a group of people like me, I couldn¡¯t care about much else. It was a small restaurant with an open kitchen. There wasn¡¯t really any decor, just dim light from the gas lamps. The dark wood tables and chairs contrasted against the white walls, but there was nothing really to look at, no excuse to delay the inevitable.

    There were two empty seats at the table of succubi. It was hard to imagine that they hadn¡¯t planned for us to be the last to arrive, so they could be waiting for me looking, not imposing, or intimidating, but something close to it. They seemed sincerely happy, maybe a little excited, to see me, but they all looked so perfect, put together. Maybe it was their wings, some instinctual part of me recognizing that without any of my own I was in some ways a child compared to them. They were women, grown, in designer dresses, beautiful, and I felt silly in my suit, I wasn¡¯t a girl, I grew out of that, but I wasn¡¯t a woman, not the way they clearly were. I couldn¡¯t look them in the eyes right away, but I was quick to get some courage, this shouldn¡¯t have been so hard. They were all looking at me, and I didn¡¯t know what to say. Thankfully Ezrylliil took over.

    ¡°So, introductions?¡± she said, looking at her friends and not me.

    ¡°Lilly, singer, bandleader.¡±

    ¡°Elle¡¯axan, I own a casino.¡±

    ¡°Malvalaan, madame, some event planning.¡±

    ¡°Alex, investor.¡±

    ¡°Xelraan, madame.¡±

    I don¡¯t know why but I expected them to say more about themselves, but this was a group of wealthier succubi, I guess it made sense they would focus on what got them the money.

    ¡°I¡¯m Zalgeth, and um, I was a soldier, and I am technically a military consultant or contractor now.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t be modest,¡± Ezrylliil said. I looked at her, confused. ¡°She¡¯s a war hero.¡± Ezrylliil sounded like she was proud of me.

    ¡°Oh we know,¡± Lilly said, smiling. I could tell she was a performer, something about her made it hard to look away, and it didn¡¯t help that her dress was tight and a shade of red only a little darker than her skin. ¡°We all keep up on any news about us, and the first succubi to get a royal shield, an audience with the King, you¡¯re a part of history, of course we know about you.¡± I shrugged, she continued, ¡°the real question is how Ezrylliil got you here.¡±

    ¡°The royals hired me for her medal ceremony, and as I¡¯m sure you can tell she¡¯s not from around here, and her girlfriend explained she didn¡¯t know anyone, so I figured why not invite her, it¡¯s good for all us to know each other.¡± Right, my accent, I had forgotten about it.

    ¡°So I have to ask,¡± Alex asked, a little excitement in her voice, ¡°what was the King like?¡±

    I took a moment to make sure I said exactly what I meant. ¡°In public he was imposing, powerful, but in an understated way, in private, surprisingly casual, it was unsettling.¡±

    ¡°What did you talk about?¡±

    ¡°I think it is best I don¡¯t say, he is the King, but still, it was a private conversation.¡± Not that I really gave a shit about him, but I didn¡¯t know how they felt about royalty, and I already wasn¡¯t like them, if they knew he gave me citizenship I would be even more alienated.

    More silence, I didn¡¯t know why it was so hard for me to hold a conversation with them. Thankfully the waiter showed up. I let them order for me since they seemed to have such a high opinion of this place and I didn¡¯t know what any of the fish on the menu tasted like.

    ¡°So,¡± Lilly asked, ¡°what was the first thing you did when you got the money and were out?¡± She seemed happy for me, that helped me relax a little.

    ¡°A horse.¡±

    ¡°You can ride?¡±

    I nodded, ¡°Had to, grew up in the middle of nowhere, deliveries, hunting, travel, there was no way around it.¡±

    ¡°You must think so little of us city dwellers who can¡¯t do anything like that.¡± I was pretty sure Lilly was teasing me.

    ¡°No, of course not. It really isn¡¯t anything special, it¡¯s just how I grew up.¡±

    ¡°I bet you¡¯re a good shot too.¡± It felt like Lilly was flirting with me, but that didn¡¯t make sense, Ezrylliil had mentioned I had a girlfriend.

    ¡°I do well enough, but honestly it¡¯s easy enough to learn, and I¡¯m more impressed by all of you. I did what I had to and somehow ended up here, you took risks you didn¡¯t have to.¡±

    ¡°It always seems easier to do the things you¡¯ve already done. That¡¯s why it¡¯s better to just do things, so it will be easier the next time.¡± Xelraan added.

    The waiter brought our drinks and the conversation moved on. I didn¡¯t really keep up. They talked about people I didn¡¯t know, issues in the city I didn¡¯t understand, made jokes I didn¡¯t get. They worked for years to get the lives they had now, it only took me a few hours at most. I was there with my malnourished horns, no wings, thick accent, and when the food arrived I had to make myself eat, not that it was bad food, but I was nervous, and with my horns. I didn¡¯t know why I was here, what I was thinking. I couldn¡¯t even tell how old they were, they seemed ageless. But they kept talking to me, asking what I thought, letting me smile and laugh with them. I made sure to mention Anne but Lilly was still so warm, kind to me, her eyes met mine at every opportunity, and she would give me the slightest smile every time. They didn¡¯t let me pay my bill, and I somehow ended up in front of the restaurant, smoking with Lilly as dusk brought some colder air. Ezrylliil was waiting by her carriage so I went to leave when we finished the joint but Lilly wrapped her arms and wings around me, holding me. I hugged her back for what felt like the right amount of time, but when I let go, my arms falling to my side, she kept holding me, her horns pressing against my chest. I couldn¡¯t think, and her, the air, the smell of the restaurant, the sounds of the city, it was too much.

    Ezrylliil didn¡¯t say anything and when I got home to Anne and she asked me how it went I sat on the bed and cried.

 Chapter 19

    ¡°You want to talk about last night?¡±

    ¡°No.¡± I was lying on my stomach, face buried in a pillow, I didn¡¯t want to look at Anne. She traced her finger around the sore spots where my wings were starting to grow. They hurt more than usual, everything hurt more than usual. Anne waited, she knew I would talk eventually.

    ¡°It went well I don¡¯t know why it fucked me up so much.¡±

    ¡°That means it fucked you up because it went well.¡±

    I sighed, ¡°I don¡¯t like that.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯ll be easier next time, and the time after that, and after that, until it¡¯s easy.¡±

    ¡°Good things shouldn¡¯t be hard.¡±

    ¡°No, they shouldn¡¯t.¡±

    We stayed like that for a while. I wasn¡¯t able to fall back asleep but the rest was nice despite that.

    ¡°I¡¯ll order us some breakfast, and now that you are officially working for the military I think our liaison will give us a schedule, so I¡¯ll send a letter to him, then ¨C¡±

    ¡°Then I¡¯ll talk about it, if only a little.¡±

    ¡°Anne, I really don¡¯t know what to say. I shouldn¡¯t have gotten high after that really didn¡¯t help, but they were great, I was just, in my own head. I knew I wouldn¡¯t fit in exactly, and I didn¡¯t, but it didn¡¯t matter, they made sure of it, they included me, it didn¡¯t feel awkward, I ¡­¡±

    ¡°I think you were, are, overwhelmed, and that¡¯s what feels bad.¡±

    ¡°But you seem fine, happy, we went through the same things.¡± Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

    ¡°This isn¡¯t about the army, this is about growing up alone.¡±

    ¡°I had ¨C¡±

    ¡°Your mom, I know, one other person isn¡¯t a family, and you had no other demons.¡±

    ¡°I feel like we¡¯ve had this discussion before.¡±

    ¡°Probably, and nothing wrong with having it again sometime.¡±

    ¡°We should do something today,¡± I didn¡¯t like that Anne was going to be alone, and even though it was silly and it was days away I didn¡¯t want to leave her while I did whatever the army wanted me to do. Hopefully the time we have now would make up for it. I stood up, wincing from a sharp pain in my knee.

    Anne frowned at me, ¡°that won¡¯t go away on its own.¡±

    ¡°I really can¡¯t even skip a night now.¡±

    She kissed me, ¡°Good, I don¡¯t want you to be used to being in pain.¡±

    I smiled and pulled her to me, holding her. She was getting through to me and I wanted her to know that. For as much as we were trying to change our dynamic it was Anne who pulled me towards the bed. I knew she wanted this, wanted to take care of me, she was even purring, but it couldn¡¯t stop some sense of wrongness from deep within me, that the pain was mine and I shouldn¡¯t involve anyone else, but I knew Anne was involved with it anyway, that she wanted to be involved, so I kept going.

    It was different this time because I wasn¡¯t turned on, well at this point I was, or at least my body was. Anne was naked on the bed, my fingers almost touching her clit. At least she would enjoy this in a way I wouldn¡¯t. It was easy, I knew her too well, to tease her in just the right way, suggesting I would go for her clit, or enter her, pulling back at the last moment. It was easy, I knew her too well, to tease her in just the right way so it would be easy to push her over the edge, suggesting I would go for her clit, or enter her, until I did, holding her down with one hand when I pushed two fingers into her and rubbed her clit with my other hand. Normally I would draw things out, enjoy it more, but this was all I needed. I could feel my aches and pains fade as I lay on the bed holding her in my arms.

    ¡°We really should do something,¡± Anne said before we both had a little nap.

    The next night we went out with stablemaster Fanaka and his husband. The place they took us smelled overwhelmingly of cheap weed, beer, and grease. I loved it. Talking openly about the war in a way we only could with another veteran was nice. I didn¡¯t realise how badly I wanted to talk about it until I had the chance. His husband was so affectionate towards him, it was cute, and it made me feel safe to do the same with Anne. It took her a little while to trust them but when she did; I had never seen her that happy, or that high. She got very quiet and ate a lot, it was honestly impressive. The four of us were almost asleep by the time we left, and gods the ride back was difficult but I managed, and it was worth it when we got back to our bed and could sleep it off.

 Chapter 20

    I woke up to knocking on our door. Another morning where I had to get up early and Anne got to sleep in. Shouldn¡¯t have smoked so much last night; I was paying for it now with a headache. Thankfully the hotel staff who woke me up was able to get me a coffee with far too much milk and sugar, so I could drink it quickly. It was almost as good as not having a headache. I was on my horse outside the hotel in only a few minutes, wearing jeans and a black shirt, wishing I had my riding clothes, eating a pie I grabbed for breakfast. I had considered wearing my uniform, but honestly I didn¡¯t want to, I wasn¡¯t a soldier anymore.

    A young man in uniform showed up a few minutes after he was supposed to, at least according to my new watch.

    ¡°Private Zalgeth?¡± He asked. I nodded, like I wasn¡¯t tired of people asking that when it was clear who I was, there were no other succubi here.

    ¡°Sorry ma¡¯am, I need to see your papers.¡± I didn¡¯t say anything, instead handing him the papers the professor gave me. He looked over them far too closely before handing them back.

    ¡°If you would follow me.¡±

    The route he chose wasn¡¯t too bad, mostly heading away from the coast down major roads. Once we were out of the city it became clear why they sent someone in uniform to escort me to a supposedly secret project, we were following directions to some barracks. They checked my papers again as we went through the main gate, and my escort then led me away from the few buildings to a massive fenced area. It was tall, made of wooden planks, no way to see inside, with barbed wire on top. There was a locked gate, which my escort unlocked for me before handing me the key.

    ¡°Is that it?¡± I asked him

    ¡°Yes ma¡¯am.¡± He still waited by the gate, standing at attention. I guess he was told to escort me all the way and was taking his orders too literally. Inside was a field with patches of trees and some small hills. Miles of fenced off nothing.

    A woman was sitting on the ground, leaning back against a line of sandbags. She was wearing a light green dress with gold accents. I didn¡¯t know what to do, she was staring at me, surprised, I think, it was unsettling.

    ¡°You¡¯re who they hired?¡± She asked.

    I crossed my arms, ¡°Is that a problem?¡±

    ¡°No, no of course not. I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t know the army worked with any succubi.¡±

    ¡°We can enlist.¡±

    ¡°I know that, this is different though.¡± I shrugged, she continued, standing up and adjusting her glasses before reaching out to shake my hand. To my surprise she was about as tall as me.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry for the bad first impression. I have nothing against demons or succubi, I just didn¡¯t expect the army to be open minded enough to involve someone like you in anything like this. My name is Kidan Alem Yaee, leader of project 187, not that it means much, I¡¯m the only one working on it, well, I suppose you are too now.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m Zalgeth. So, what is it?¡±

    ¡°Right, down to business, there was a project before this one,¡±

    ¡°186?¡±

    ¡°Weirdly no, I think the numbers are random, anyway, they tried to use magic to make artillery shells more powerful, but that was a logistical nightmare. I can only manage a few grains of gunpowder a day, and with maybe a dozen of us in the kingdom who can manage that, obviously not possible. My family is somewhat prominent among the nobility, enough that I was able to convince the army to let me take the project in a different direction. I pitched it as the witch rifle, but the rifle isn¡¯t special, it¡¯s in the bullets. The only changes to the rifle are some reinforcements in case something goes wrong with one of the bullets.¡±

    ¡°Has that happened?¡±

    ¡°No, I¡¯ve done hundreds of remote firings and no backfire or anything. A few times the barrel has been warped, but only slightly, not in any way that is dangerous.¡± Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

    I couldn¡¯t think of how it was possible to warp a barrel with one shot, I was still processing that this wasn¡¯t going to be small arms testing, and I was involved in some truly out there shit.

    ¡°I¡¯ll want to check the rifle and see it fired remotely a few times before I use it.¡± I think I did a good job of sounding confident, professional, like I knew what I was doing.

    ¡°You plan to fire it yourself?¡± She asked, confused, which confused me.

    ¡°What else would I do? I was just a private before I got this job.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve been asking for a physicist, but when I saw you I assumed, the magic is demonic, what I wrote my thesis on.¡±

    I knew the professor seemed too likable. I can¡¯t trust myself when I feel too comfortable around someone, especially someone I didn¡¯t know. He must have wanted me involved in whatever this is as soon as he heard a succubus was a war hero. At least Kidan seemed not to know who I was, and she seemed like a civilian, unlikely that she would be scheming for the military. It felt like an insult, the surprise she had when I told her I was private, not how someone would act if they wanted me to like them. I needed to find out for sure if she was in on it, and why the professor felt the need to mislead me. I wouldn¡¯t have said no if he implied my demon-ness was why I was getting this job, especially since I was trying to be more comfortable with that part of myself, and if Kidan was some sort of expert wouldn¡¯t I want access to someone like that. None of this made sense.

    ¡°So what does the magic do, what¡¯s the goal?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Obviously the army¡¯s first idea was exploding bullets. They were obsessed with it. I had four or five interviews with them about the possibility of it, even though in the first one I told them it was impossible. That was when I started pushing for control of the project. I had just gotten my masters and I needed something to get me away from my family, as I¡¯m sure you know,¡± I, in fact, did not know, and I didn¡¯t know why she thought I would, ¡°and it took a while to convince them but one of the easier spells, a speciality of mine, is levitation. A bullet that doesn¡¯t curve down, no air resistance, it would be a sniper''s dream, and make any rifle far more powerful without needing a higher caliber.¡±

    ¡°What part of that has anything to do with demons?¡±

    ¡°Not you demons, well yes you, but academically demonic means something, or someone, that isn¡¯t magical, storing magic and using it without needing more magic to trigger it. Normally if you want to cast a spell you prepared before you need magic, but there are other ways, like heat, pressure, impact, exposure to air, that can trigger the spell.¡±

    ¡°Things I assume you¡¯ve tried with this project?¡±

    ¡°Yes, but it isn¡¯t working. I wasted a bunch of time getting the spell to trigger with the primer.¡±

    ¡°But with no wind resistance the rifling wouldn¡¯t do shit.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s embarrassing, I know that now. The bullet would tumble, and the spell doesn¡¯t last long enough for long range shots, so it would end and it was a mess. That is why I wanted a physicist, I don¡¯t really understand why they didn¡¯t tumble every time, only most of the time. I can¡¯t get any consistency.¡±

    ¡°Look, I don¡¯t think anything you¡¯re dealing with is so complicated that you need a physicist, no offense, but it doesn¡¯t seem like you could hit a target consistently with a normal rifle, never mind with these weird bullets, and even if you fix it in place the gun it is going to move a little after each shot, and the wind will change with each shot, and if you can¡¯t hit a target consistently you can¡¯t figure out how well the new bullets are working.¡±

    She pushed up her glasses and rubbed her eyes, ¡°I know, I don¡¯t need to hear that, it¡¯s been keeping me up for a couple months now. Hopefully a fresh set of eyes can help, and it¡¯s your magic.¡± I scowled at her. ¡°I mean,¡± she continued nervously, ¡°you live with what I study¡­ it might give you some insight.¡±

    ¡°No, it won¡¯t.¡± I enjoyed her discomfort.

    ¡°So,¡± she said after a short pause, ¡°I think how we do this is you shoot the rifle a bit, after you are satisfied it is safe, normal bullets. Once you¡¯re used to it I can start recording how far off each is, and just hours of that.¡± At least I would be spending the day shooting, even if it wasn¡¯t going to be normal target shooting.

    The rifle itself was fine, clearly overbuilt, but it made sense with the weird bullets it was made for. I was satisfied it was safe after a few remote fireings so the boring work began. I shot resting the barrel on the sandbags. One normal bullet, one weird bullet, over and over again. They were awful. Felt normal enough when firing but they went wild, the only consistent part was they all went a little high, so I guess in some way the magic was working, but not well enough to make an accurate shot. It was frustrating work, and it didn¡¯t help that my mind went back to the trenches when we were making paper cartridges and desperately trying to keep them dry because they couldn¡¯t get us bullets. What was the point of this, how much were they paying her, it was fucking insulting. She sounded sorry the more I shot, the more it became clear none of them were working and it made me angrier, hurting my shoulder for no fucking reason. Didn¡¯t help that the longer this went one, the more I heard the apologetic tone of Kidan¡¯s voice when another shot went wide, the more I wanted Anne. Somehow my frustration made me want to fuck her, complain to her, cuddle her, be around her, all mixed together in my head in the strangest way. Was this it, would I need Anne every time I felt anything, and it frustrated me more. Can¡¯t I feel anything without fucking needing someone else.

    Normally I would care that I seemed angry. I could tell that it was making Kidan uncomfortable, but honestly, it seemed like she wasn¡¯t comfortable around me anyway. It was a little past one when finished, accomplishing nothing. At least I got some cash, a small comfort for the ride home.

 Chapter 21

    ¡°How was it?¡± Anne asked. I didn¡¯t reply, taking off my watch and gun. ¡°That bad?¡± I nodded. Anne had gotten more books and some newspapers that were covering the table and desk. It was nice to see she made such a mess of the place, seeing her laying on the bed reading, she had a good day. I started taking my clothes off and I could feel her staring at me.

    ¡°Don¡¯t laugh ¨C¡±

    ¡°Why would I?¡± she asked.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know I¡¯m fucking pissed and I don¡¯t want to do this.¡±

    ¡°Is that a no?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, just feels nice to complain, be a bitch about things.¡± I wasn¡¯t gentle when I turned her onto her stomach, it would break my heart if she worried about consent after. I started fingering her, I thought roughly, but I guess it wasn¡¯t enough, or she was into it.

    ¡°Don¡¯t start so slow, I notice now when we miss a morning together.¡±

    ¡°Not enough to wake up early.¡±

    She laughed and I smiled, feeling a chill that spread from my chest through my body that somehow left me feeling warm. I thought it was the sex but I had lost focus a little. Anne¡¯s books and clothes were scattered around the room. On the table were dirty dishes from her breakfast, along with a few empty coffee cups. She was really living with me. I could go to work and she would be safe, I would be safe, and we would always end up back here, together.

    I stopped and sat on the bed. Anne was confused for a moment but when she saw my smile she smiled back and let me pull her into a kiss. It wasn¡¯t right to be upset about anything that brought me closer to her, that made me do anything with her, I forgot I had her.

    ¡°You okay?¡± She asked, and I hugged her as tightly as I could.

    ¡°We''re really living together.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    ¡°And when they stop paying for this room we¡¯ll get a place.¡±

    She laughed, almost a giggle, ¡°yea.¡±

    ¡°What kind of place?¡±

    ¡°Whatever we want.¡±

    ¡°I think we should stay in Marticourt, at least for a while, this city is good for me.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re doing better.¡± She touched my horns.

    ¡°I got so caught up in, everything, I didn¡¯t notice.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s okay to have a bad day at work.¡±

    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.¡°I know, it¡¯s not that, it¡¯s, I love you so much.¡±

    ¡°I love you too.¡± She nestled into me, getting comfortable, as I lay down.

    ¡°Zal, what brought this on?¡±

    ¡°Bad day, and seeing your shit everywhere.¡±

    ¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t know how it got so messy so quickly.¡±

    ¡°No, I like it.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good¡­I¡¯ve been thinking, I want something to do, and with you working, I know it¡¯s silly, and pointless, but I want to get a philosophy degree.¡±

    I smiled, ¡°okay.¡± I don¡¯t think Anne noticed I was happy for her.

    ¡°I always kinda wanted to, but it was too expensive and with kids I wouldn¡¯t want to, wouldn¡¯t have the time, but now¡­¡± I felt a pain in my chest at that. We hadn¡¯t talked about it, not since the train, not since we became a couple. I don¡¯t know if this counted, if this was her way of talking about it without talking about it, or telling me she wanted to talk. Not that it mattered, hurt too much to say anything.

    ¡°What do you think?¡± Right, I hadn¡¯t given her a proper response.

    ¡°I was worried about you not having anything to do.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t mind?¡±

    ¡°Mind?¡±

    Anne sighed, ¡°I don¡¯t know, I¡¯m nervous.¡±

    ¡°You know I don¡¯t want you waiting around at home for me.¡±

    ¡°Gods yea, of course, I hope that isn¡¯t what¡¯s bothering me. Maybe it¡¯s more, I mean Victoria is basically going to be a doctor.¡±

    ¡°You can¡¯t compare yourself to her.¡±

    ¡°Hard not to.¡±

    ¡°We¡¯ve done enough life and death shit, let someone else, and I know how much that stuff means to you and your dad, that matters, you can¡¯t be the only two, all those books and lectures must help people sometimes.¡±

    The mood was gone, but we didn¡¯t care, it was nicer for now to hold her, breath together.

    ¡°We should do something to celebrate, go out, or at least get some weed, or I don¡¯t know, see a lecture.¡± I wanted Anne to know I supported her.

    ¡°That¡¯s sweet, but I don¡¯t really wanna go out. I¡¯m still tired from last night.¡±

    ¡°Fuck, I forgot about that, getting that high must have made today harder on me.¡±

    Anne laughed, ¡°and my silly sleepy succubus, you woke up early.¡±

    ¡°And now my shoulder hurts too on top of everything.¡±

    ¡°I take it from shooting, you didn¡¯t say why it was bad?¡±

    ¡°Project lead is kinda a bitch, probably best to leave out the details, but it¡¯s not going to work, ever.¡±

    Anne frowned, ¡°here, sit up.¡± She propped me up against the headboard and massaged my right shoulder. It hurt so I couldn¡¯t put up with much, and I couldn¡¯t tell if it helped. I think I had a bruise, or the demon version of one. It was easy enough to find a place to get some weed, seemed like there was one on every block.

    Sex while high was new, well, not entirely, we must have, back in the army at some point, when we were on leave, but I didn¡¯t remember it. Now, when we had all the time we could want, it was different, made us comfortable taking our time. I watched closely as I ran my hands from her waist, over her hips to her thighs. From a distance her fur was a tan color, like sand, but up close, when I was running my fingers through it I could see all the different shades there really were. I pushed her legs apart, loving how my fingers sunk into her thighs. I was distracted for a moment by how my tail felt as I wrapped it around her leg. It felt good to hold her, even if it was just my tail. She put her hands on my cheeks and gently turned my face to her¡¯s. We started into each other''s eyes until we both lost it, laughing, she was too beautiful, too in love. I kissed her lips, neck, chest, breasts. I wanted to stop there for a while but she took my horns in her hands and guided me down to her pussy. It was fun with her taking control, I could focus on how she felt, tasted. I think I came when she did, I don¡¯t know, I wasn¡¯t paying attention, how could I when I feel her coming, her legs squeezing my head, her moans filling my ears, with her on my tongue.

 Chapter 22

    I woke up from some sort of nightmare I couldn¡¯t remember with a sharp pain. I sat up, curling forward muttering ¡°fuck¡± under my breath, desperate not to wake Anne. The instant it took for the pain to spread from my back and fade into the dull ache I was used to dragged on and left me out of breath.

    ¡°Zal?¡± Fuck, I did wake up Anne. At least it wasn¡¯t too early, the sun was up.

    ¡°Zal, turn your back to me.¡± She sounded a little panicked.

    ¡°Does it hurt?¡± She asked.

    ¡°Did for a moment, now it is only a little more painful than usual.¡±

    ¡°Okay stay there I¡¯ll be right back.¡± I was worried, Anne normally didn¡¯t wake up this quickly.

    She came back with a bunch of towels from the bathroom.

    ¡°Let me know if I hurt you.¡± I nodded. She gently wiped my back with a warm wet towel.

    Anne sighed with relief, ¡°Okay, it¡¯s nowhere near as bad as it looks.¡±

    I started to look over my shoulder to see, but Anne stopped me.

    ¡°It¡¯s your wings, they broke the skin and you bled. The, I don¡¯t know if I would call it a wound, it looks clean, if I had to guess this is normal.¡±

    She let me look, and I saw the blood I had left on the bed. It was unsettling to see, never mind embarrassing that someone else would have to clean it.

    ¡°And some people think succubi aren¡¯t women.¡± Anne smiled at her own joke, but all I felt was tired and a little out of it. Anne noticed and made sure I was looking at her and listening.

    ¡°I¡¯ll deal with this, have a shower, get cleaned up.¡±

    I didn¡¯t want to turn my back to the shower, but the heat was nice, and would be nice on my back, and what else could I do. Thankfully the water didn¡¯t hurt, but it felt strange for a few moments before I relaxed. I don¡¯t know how long I stood there, watching my blood mix with the water at the bottom of the bath. Anne didn¡¯t leave any towels for me, but I still decided to get out of the shower, I wanted to see. Two bits of bone broke through the skin. They looked rounded, not sharp like I expected, but I couldn¡¯t be sure. The mirror kept fogging up and my back hurt too much to be able to reach the bone to feel them, not that I was sure I wanted to, especially as they were still bleeding.

    Anne knocked on the bathroom door. ¡°Can I come in?¡±

    I nodded, somehow forgetting that she couldn¡¯t see me, ¡°Yea,¡± I said, embarrassed.

    ¡°Good news, they did have bandages, and it wasn¡¯t that hard to convince them you don¡¯t need a doctor, and I got more towels, but let¡¯s get the bandages on first so you don¡¯t bleed anywhere else.¡± Of course the bandages were the fancy kind with adhesive, I don¡¯t know how I kept forgetting we were living like rich people. It was unsettling to have something stick to my skin, but I guess it was easier than wrapping them up. After Anne bandaged me she dried me off. I don¡¯t know why I let her, I could have done it myself. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, I looked, sad, probably wasn¡¯t the right way to feel, I liked the idea of wings, and this was how it happened.

    ¡°Do you still have the address of Ezrylliil¡¯s business or clinic or whatever, not that I¡¯m worried, but we should go there, to be sure you¡¯re okay.¡± Anne spoke gently.

    ¡°Victoria didn¡¯t say anything about this?¡±

    ¡°She said there might be a little blood, but I don¡¯t know how much a little is, especially to someone learning to be a healer.¡± Anne was trying to keep me calm, but even from what little I had seen I knew this was more than a little blood by any definition.

    ¡°You think you can ride?¡±

    I nodded, it didn¡¯t hurt that much, I just felt a little off. I didn¡¯t say anything to Anne as I left the bathroom, just went to get dressed, but I couldn¡¯t get my bra on.

    ¡°Love, maybe you shouldn¡¯t, your bras are really tight, and with your back.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, they have elastic in them.¡±

    ¡°Still, you can just wear a suit jacket, no one will know.¡±

    I shook my head, that wasn¡¯t an option, ¡°Please, help me get it on.¡±

    Anne sighed, ¡°Fine, but if it hurts I am taking it off.¡± Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.

    For a moment I thought it wouldn¡¯t be a problem, but the pressure on my back and the wounds hurt, enough that I couldn¡¯t hide it and Anne quickly took it off. I sat on the bed, trying not to cry, but I was never good at hiding anything, especially from Anne. She sat down next to me, held me.

    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± she said.

    It¡¯s not like I¡¯d never cried before, but there was this underlying panic this time I couldn¡¯t shake, even with Anne here for me. Gods I tried to focus on her holding me, her steady breathing, but it was like I was trapped in myself.

    ¡°We can go tomorrow, this is a lot for you.¡± Anne was too good to me, too patient, waiting until I calmed down to say anything, and was willing to wait longer for me to sort myself out.

    ¡°No, I want to get it out of the way.¡±

    ¡°Where is the address? I can figure out a route while you get dressed.¡±

    ¡°In the drawer with the guns.¡±

    I considered the suit jacket, but the heat worried me, so I went with the loosest button up shirt I had and did my best not to think about it. Before we left I tried to go to the bathroom, to try to see if I had bleed through the bandages, but Anne guessed my intentions and stopped me.

    ¡°You look perfectly normal, and I¡¯ll tell you if you bleed through.¡±

    I felt lucky that Sweetheart was such a timid horse who followed the road without much input from me. I wasn¡¯t focused, and we went slow. Anne still sat behind me, but she held on more to my hips, trying not to put any pressure on my back, and riding made me painfully aware of my lack of a bra. People weren¡¯t staring, not more than usual, but I didn¡¯t want anyone to be able to see me right now. Ezrylliil¡¯s place was easy to find, it was on a major road, not sure which one, I wasn¡¯t paying attention, Anne just told me to turn right or left as needed. I didn¡¯t know if I wanted Ezrylliil to be there or not. I didn¡¯t even know if she worked at her business like a normal person, she was rich after all.

    When we got inside Anne took the lead with confidence I didn¡¯t have right now. I was close enough to hear what she said to the cashier, but I didn¡¯t listen.

    ¡°Zal?¡±

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s gonna be about an hour wait, is that okay?¡± Anne seemed worried.

    ¡°Yea, I¡¯m fine.¡± I didn¡¯t want to have to come back.

    I followed Anne as the cashier led her to a room in the back. As we waited she sat next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and taking my hand in both of hers, gently massaging it with her thumbs.

    The way time passed it was like I fell asleep, but I don¡¯t think I did. A soft knock at the door woke me, and the, doctor, healer, nurse, whatever, walked in without waiting for a response. They were human, which surprised me, but I don¡¯t know if a demon would have been any better. They wore a simple uniform, black pants and shirt with a white apron, various medical things sticking out of the pockets.

    ¡°My name is Sam, I am a medical consultant here. Since there is no legally recognized certification for demonic medicine, anything said or done during this appointment is not legally medical and we are not responsible for any outcomes, do you understand?¡±

    I nodded.

    ¡°Good, I hate saying that, we really try our best, but can¡¯t be too careful. Everything that happens here is completely confidential. Do you want your wife here with you?¡±

    I nodded again, neither Anne or I corrected them.

    ¡°So what brings you here today?¡±

    Anne spoke for me without hesitation, ¡°Her wings are coming in, and they broke the skin at some point in the night, and I¡¯m worried. There was a fair amount of blood, and she¡¯s in pain.¡±

    ¡°Some pain is normal, would you mind if I took a look?¡±

    I shook my head.

    ¡°Great, I¡¯ll look away and you can take your shirt off and lay face down on the table there. Let me know when it is okay to turn around.¡±

    I did as they said, and Anne let them know I was ready.

    There was an uncomfortable silence before Sam spoke.

    ¡°When did you put these bandages on?¡±

    Anne continued answering for me, ¡°Couldn¡¯t have been more than two hours ago.¡±

    ¡°That is more blood than usual, I¡¯m going to take the bandages off, is that okay?¡±

    I nodded. The adhesive was too strong, hurt like a bitch when Sam pulled them off.

    They were silent as they poked at my back. It hurt, and the seeming randomness of it made it more frustrating.

    ¡°Okay, everything seems normal,¡± Sam said, ¡°but I can tell from your horns you¡¯ve had some health issues in the past, do you mind telling me about it?¡±

    ¡°She was malnourished, both kinds, but we¡¯ve fixed it.¡±

    ¡°Good, I can tell, your horns almost look normal. What I think is happening is your body is trying to make up for lost time, and on top of that it is also possible that your wings would grow quickly anyway. Sometimes the growth is faster, faster than the body''s ability to heal. There isn¡¯t much to be done about it. Keep the wounds clean, keep pressure off where her wings are growing and her back in general. Some mild painkillers might help, just take half the recommended dose for humans, and nothing derived from poppies.¡±

    ¡°Human painkillers work?¡± Anne asked, surprised. I was too.

    ¡°Not well, and not all the time, but they aren¡¯t harmful at a low dose. Also, the new skin that grows over the exposed bone will be delicate. You¡¯ll want to avoid putting pressure on it, keeping a bandage over them even after the bleeding stops should help, and a simple moisturizer will help keep the new skin intact.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡±

    ¡°Any other questions?¡±

    Anne looked at me, ¡°I think we¡¯re good?¡± I nodded.

    Sam offered to bandage me up again but Anne didn¡¯t let them, insisting she do it herself. I appreciated it, I didn¡¯t like the idea of them touching me more than they already had. I followed Anne around as she bought everything and paid for the appointment. I was still out of it for the ride home, and I wasn¡¯t able to stay awake when I was back in our room with our bed waiting for me.

 Chapter 23

    I wasn¡¯t used to sleeping on my stomach, so I would roll onto my back in my sleep, and the pain would wake me up, and I would turn onto my stomach, and the cycle would continue. I kept looking at my watch on the nightstand, hoping that what I was feeling was wrong, that I had actually slept, but I never managed more than 20 minutes. I tried for two hours ¡®cause Anne said it was still good for me to try, but I honestly couldn¡¯t tell if I felt any better.

    ¡°Anne?¡±

    She sighed, ¡°Fine, but you¡¯re gonna have to figure out how to sleep eventually.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    ¡°And we got our money. They slide an envelope of cash through the letter slot.¡±

    ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem secure, at all.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    We stared at each other for a while.

    Anne looked away when she spoke. ¡°I was thinking we can get the rest of our clothes now, with the cash, and then, I don¡¯t know.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m fine really, I¡¯ve been through worse.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean I have to like it.¡±

    It was nice to do something. Sitting in our room there was nothing to do but focus on the pain. I wish I liked reading as much as Anne, maybe one day I could. I only took one wrong turn on the way to the tailor¡¯s.

    John looked up from his sewing machine at us as we entered his shop.

    ¡°Oh it¡¯s you two.¡± He sounded almost annoyed, ¡°I asked around, you told me the truth, though I admit, I don¡¯t know exactly what to do with the opportunity. If, I won¡¯t be able to make money off rich humans, politicians, they¡¯re never going to come to a place like this, but if you are going to anything with demons, or the public, that is where the advertising helps.¡±

    Anne nodded, ¡°Whatever you think is best, we just want to help.¡±

    ¡°If you have a schedule or something?¡±

    ¡°Not for that sort of thing,¡± Anne replied, ¡°Unless you care about parliament sessions, they are open to the public.¡± John shook his head. ¡°In that case, yea, no schedule.¡±

    ¡°What about my dinners with  Ezrylliil?¡±If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

    Anne nodded, ¡°forgot about that, and for other things, it¡¯s whenever we want, have the time. Gonna go to an arena, and a concert, Zal what was her name again?¡±

    ¡°Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Yea she invited us.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve heard of her, I¡¯m not a fan of that new music, but thank you. Do you know the date?¡±

    Anne shrugged, ¡°I think whichever we want.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s fine, what I have for you today I want for that, for the arena you want something more casual, I want something more casual to represent my work.¡±

    Trying on all the clothes was an experience. I hadn¡¯t worn many tailored things, and having options, all high quality, all fitting well, was new. The riding clothes were more formal than I was expecting, but wearing them I could tell they would work well for their purpose, even if it was a little much. John saved the best for last, a properly matching suit and dress.

    ¡°What is this?¡± Anne asked when John handed her the dress.

    ¡°Synthetic silk. I have to get it shipped in, but it¡¯s still cheaper than the real stuff, and very few people can tell the difference on appearance alone.¡±

    ¡°Oh, neat, and John, sorry Zal, but her wings are coming in, and her bras are too tight, and I figured you might have something for that.¡±

    ¡°Mhm, but nothing too tight, it¡¯s not possible as far as I can tell, but they work as a sports bra, the band is lower, avoids most of the new muscles, but it is impossible to keep pressure off all of them. Why don¡¯t you try on what you have, I will see if I have anything that will fit Zal, she is taller than most.¡±

    I think Anne apologizing made it more awkward for me, but I couldn¡¯t help but be grateful, it¡¯s not like I would have brought it up myself, and if she warned me she was gonna bring it up I would have been nervous about it.

    The suit was nice, black, with a dark purple shirt and accents, and a black tie. I liked how the purple was almost black, it felt fancy, but not in a way that would attract attention. I stood out enough, didn¡¯t need my clothes to as well. My chest looked a little big but what could I do without a bra. I knew I looked better than I usually do, and Anne would too, but seeing her.

    She was looking at herself in the mirror, smiling deeply. I couldn¡¯t do anything but watch as she twisted and turned to admire every angle. Gods I love her so much, seeing her this happy, this happy for herself, it felt like my heart was beating for the first time.

    ¡°Zal!¡± Anne almost skipped over to me and straightened my already straight tie. ¡°You look good, handsome, but ¨C¡± I kissed her, ¡° ¨C what do you think of the dress?¡± She was looking up at me, so much of her smile was in her eyes, in a way I hadn¡¯t, had I never seen her this happy before. On leave, when we first kissed, on the train, maybe it was because this wasn¡¯t about anything so serious. No war to escape from, no complicated relationship to figure out, nothing for her to worry about, she could go to university, do whatever she wanted. Was this how Anne was going to look at me when her happiness didn¡¯t have to pull her from a place of sadness, struggle. I had seen glimpses of course, brief moments when our eyes would meet, but I could convince myself I had imagined it. This Anne was everything, and all it took was a dress she liked, I would marry, do everything I could to see her like¡­ I couldn¡¯t imagine a future without more moments like this, how could I not live for this, her.

    I kissed Anne, ¡°the dress is perfect ¡®cause I can see how much you love it.¡±

    She hugged me, pressing her face against me. ¡°You¡¯re gross.¡±

    I laughed, ¡°I know.¡±

    I put my arms around her and she purred softly.

    ¡°Zal,¡± she nestled a little deeper into me, ¡°I love you.¡±

    ¡°I love you too Anne.¡±

 Chapter 24

    I was so in love with her. Not that I hadn¡¯t loved her for years now, but for the first time it felt, almost light, like I wanted to laugh at everything we had been through. Before the train, when we were together, our relationship was this ephemeral thing that I desperately took every piece of joy I could from, to hold onto them, her, as long as possible. Since we got properly together there¡¯s been this, tension, but now, for this moment, it felt inevitable that we would be in love, that she would love me, that I would be enough for her.

    John promised us he didn¡¯t mind, that as a ¡°happily married man¡± he understood, but I think even Anne was a little embarrassed about how we lost ourselves in each other. I guess in a way it was high praise for his work.

    I had to take advantage of the romantic moment, of really, truely, with every part of me, wanting to fuck Anne. With the wings I would be at what, three, four times a day. I fucking hated it, I had to be too much for Anne, how could she want this to be her life. During the ride back home I kept telling myself that she loves me, and I love her, so I should love myself. Truth was I was terrified. I couldn¡¯t keep anything from her so she would find out if I held back, was in pain for her sake. She would kill me. Never mind that I wanted to see Victoria again some day, and I could never face her if I gave up. I wished this was easier, that I didn¡¯t have to try so hard to convince myself, that like every other fucking person I could just want to avoid being in pain without it being a gods damn fight all the fucking time.

    When we got back to our room Anne tried to hug me but I stopped her.

    ¡°Bed.¡± I tried to sound commanding.

    Anne laughed, ¡°Oh, so I wasn¡¯t imagining it.¡±

    She started taking off her clothes.

    ¡°What?¡± I asked.

    ¡°A certain,¡± she made sure I was watching her eyes before slowly looking down my body, ¡°tension, you have.¡±

    ¡°Please, I¡¯m not even hard yet.¡±

    ¡°Love, you have an entire body you know, you can¡¯t hide from me.¡±

    Of course.

    ¡°I thought I said bed.¡±

    ¡°Sorry.¡± Her voice dripped with sarcasm as she turned around and walked towards the bed, showing off her ass as much as possible, tail flicking back and forth playfully. I rolled my eyes at her and took my clothes off.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

    It only took me a few seconds to get undressed but Anne was already fingering herself. She was laying face down, ass up. It would be funny if it wasn¡¯t so damn hot.

    ¡°Someone¡¯s excited.¡± I said, teasing her.

    She moaned in response and spread herself for me. I almost laughed, it was too much, but it worked. I walked over to her, put my hand on her back, held my breath, reminded myself she wanted this, and fucked her.

    She relaxed into it, me, the fucking, whatever. I couldn¡¯t see her face, it was in a pillow, so I worried for a moment but thankfully she started purring. I focused on the sound as much as I could, treasuring the first time she did it during sex. I slowed down, trying to last longer, make the moment that started when I saw her in that dress last longer. Slow thrusts to feel every bit of her, still wasn¡¯t gentle though, I knew she wouldn¡¯t like that. She started doing the cutest little moans every time I pushed into her and it unravelled me. I couldn¡¯t remember feeling an orgasm so completely through my entire body. I think Anne came with me, but I couldn¡¯t tell. I was a little fucked up after that, almost felt like I was high.

    We were both a mess when it finally finished and I could pull out. She turned and looked at me and was so beautiful I just laughed uncontrollably.

    ¡°What?¡± Anne asked, smiling.

    Took me a while to collect myself enough to answer. ¡°I don¡¯t know, it was so good, and, fuck, apparently that¡¯s what happens to me.¡±

    I hugged her and kissed her everywhere I could, between her ears, her forehead, cheeks, lips, neck.

    ¡°Fuck, Anne, what did you do? I feel so good.¡±

    She smiled and shrugged, but she wasn¡¯t looking at me, not really, she was only looking at my body. I gave myself a few strokes to stay hard, and her excitement when I did made it clear she wanted more. She wouldn¡¯t ask, so I sat on the bed, propping myself up with pillows best I could to keep pressure off my wings. Anne sat still, watching.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t say we were done. Ride me.¡± My legs and, well, most of me wasn¡¯t able to move enough for anything else. Anne didn¡¯t care though, she jumped on me and gave me a quick kiss.

    ¡°Thank you.¡± Probably wasn¡¯t right for her to be thanking me for this, but it was cute.

    I lay back and closed my eyes, copying Anne, trying to relax. It felt nice but the longer it went on the less I felt and the more I thought about her, especially after feeling her come. It didn¡¯t take much for her to finish me off with her hands. I didn¡¯t need it but it was probably good for me.

    I slid over, out of the wet spot, and Anne cuddled up against me.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± what for, why did she sound sad, ¡°we had such a romantic moment, and I thought we could have a romantic dinner, see a play or something. I don¡¯t know what is wrong with me, I wanted you to fuck me like that, the way you looked at me, I couldn¡¯t stop thinking about it.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t have this conversation. I still felt, off, high, something, and my heart hurt hearing her talk like that.

    I kissed her, ¡°No no no no you¡¯re perfect. I know what, I know, I know you love me. It was perfect, you¡¯re perfect. I love you.¡±

    I pulled her as tight against me as I could and didn''t let her say anything else.

 Chapter 25

    I didn¡¯t think I would care so much about it, but the farther away I got, the longer I was out of the army, the worse my time there seemed.

    ¡°I mean, they didn¡¯t say we had to.¡± Anne was holding her uniform too, we both didn¡¯t want to wear it again.

    ¡°It¡¯s implied.¡±

    ¡°Is it though? I mean we¡¯re not from the coast, how were we supposed to know?¡± I laughed, Anne continued, ¡°and it¡¯s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.¡±

    I looked down at my uniform, folded in the dresser drawer.

    ¡°It¡¯s such a little thing to risk, well risk anything over.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t feel little now though.¡± Anne sighed.

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    ¡°Fuck it,¡± Anne put her uniform down, ¡°what¡¯s the worst they could do anyway.¡±

    She was right. They wouldn¡¯t start an incident over it, worst case we would be told we had to wear it next time. I don¡¯t know what it was, but I felt tired, worn down in a way, delicate, I couldn¡¯t put up with shit anymore. I tried to worry about it, how apathetic I was to what was expected of me, but of course I couldn¡¯t be bothered to care.

    I was thankful Anne didn¡¯t wait for me to decide, or even ask my opinion. We couldn¡¯t wear different things, and I didn¡¯t want the pressure of it on me. I had a new dark blue suit for exactly this sort of thing, and Anne had a matching dress. Tame, meant to blend in without being informal. We still wore our shields and I brought my revolver. I was curious, the King would have let me keep it, would parliament? Seemed unlikely but why not, and I certainly wasn¡¯t going to disarm myself for no reason.

    Anne and I were in a good mood all things considered. Parliament sessions were noon to four, so we got to sleep in. Both of us had assumed they worked longer hours, but it seemed their job was easy, though I guess at this point Anne and I couldn¡¯t complain. We were told to attend this session, and while we didn¡¯t know exactly what that meant it was likely just sitting there doing nothing. Stolen novel; please report.

    Thankfully a guard on the bridge between the hotel and the house recognized us and took us where we needed to be, though he did take my gun.

    There was a special viewing area over the speaker of the house. I couldn¡¯t guess why most of the people there got their seats, but some must have been foreign dignitaries. Some had flags on the backs of their chairs, or pins of them on their jackets. The Beauvians stood out. They were the largest group by quite a bit, twenty or so total, and they were front and center, all human, the only white people there, and unlike everyone else they talked only among themselves.

    Of course Rebecca and Kate were there, I had only remembered to worry about them a few hours before. I was happy to see Kate had enough sense to sit in one of the two middle seats of the four set aside for us so we could keep Anne and Rebecca as far apart as possible. They were in their uniforms and seemed, fine, exactly how I remembered them. Anne and I were so different now, changed so much, but I couldn¡¯t imagine the same for them. Not that it mattered, not really, for who they were to us, what they did, it had been easy not to think about them. Anne was still pissed of course but I honestly couldn¡¯t give a fuck at this point, couldn¡¯t even be angry. They seemed to be doing their best to ignore us so I did the same. I had Anne to worry about, this was not the time or place to get into a fight.

    Admittedly it was more entertaining than I expected, at least at first. Before the session even started the reps were yelling at each other, and the public gallery was encouraging it, taunting them. The parliamentary guards looked like they were ready for a war 200 years ago but they did a good job stopping fights before they started, mostly, a few came to blows but were quickly broken up. It took a few minutes for the speaker to get control of things, and I was worried that this was the state of the people¡¯s representation.

    Once things settled down the speaker announced the bill, some military funding thing, and then he went on to us. It was as awful as I had imagined it would be. I didn¡¯t need or want the attention, but a guard made us stand so all eyes were on us. I went through it, I shouldn¡¯t have to listen to it again, especially from someone who had clearly never been in a trench. I focused on my arm around Anne¡¯s waist. She was calm, so I could be calm.

    Parliament had no say over what the navy did, but for some reason they spent an hour debating what should be done with a steam engine that was originally intended for a new flagship but now was being considered for other purposes, all so they could have an official recommendation that the navy would ignore. It was fucking insulting to go from the horrors of the trenches, the lack of basic supplies, to that bullshit that didn¡¯t even fucking matter.

    I stopped paying attention after that, it was the only protest I could manage. I was glad we didn¡¯t wear our uniforms, not only because of the incompetence, but after Kate and Rebecca were swarmed, but we blended in enough that we were able to slip away back to our room unnoticed.

 Chapter 26

    We got high when we got back to our room, not the best way to deal with things, but it was nice. We had ordered some food so when there was a knock at our door I assumed that¡¯s what it was, instead there was the guard I gave my gun to. He saluted me and I laughed. The smell and well, me, made it clear I was high, and I couldn¡¯t take any of this seriously. He looked at me with disgust or something worse so I took my revolver out of his hands and closed the door in his face. I had been naked with Anne when he knocked on the door, so I just put on pants and a shirt, no bra, no underwear, and I was never entirely soft around Anne at this point. That¡¯s why I controlled it, but with Anne, we¡¯d been in our own little world, I forgot what I was, what other people saw when they saw a succubus, that people who weren¡¯t Anne, that men could find me attractive. I felt like such a fucking idiot.

    Didn¡¯t help that I forgot about my wings when I fell backwards onto the bed, and Anne laughed at my pain as I quickly rolled onto my stomach.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± she said, still laughing a little. I scowled back at her, only smiling a little. ¡°Where¡¯s the food?¡±

    ¡°It was, guard brought me my gun back. Fucking creep.¡±

    I didn¡¯t have to explain to Anne, she knew me, knew that she could make me forget anything. I was smoking too much, and coughing hurt my back now, but, being high didn¡¯t make the pain any better, it made me not care about it so much, and I needed that, at least for a little while.

    Anne lay on her back so I rested my head on her breast. Her breathing was relaxing..

    ¡°So what have you been reading?¡±

    ¡°Re-reading some Alinafe.¡± I sighed happily as I felt her voice.

    ¡°Who?¡±

    ¡°The ritualist. I got a collection of debates from the library, and there was a terrible one on ritualism where even the pro-ritualist didn¡¯t seem to know it¡¯s an atheist philosophy. I needed the good stuff to get the bad taste out of my mouth.¡±

    I hummed in the affirmative.

    ¡°You have no idea what I¡¯m talking about do you?¡±

    ¡°Nope, but keep talking, I want to hear, feel, your voice.¡±

    ¡°Gross,¡± she said, full of love as she gently stroked my horns. ¡°People think because it is so tied to polytheism it is polytheism and act like it isn¡¯t what it is.¡±

    I hummed in the affirmative again, and slid my hand down and cupped her pussy. She pushed against my hand a little.

    ¡°Go on,¡± I said, trying to sound sexy, ¡°I just want something to fiddle with while I listen.¡±

    Anne took a deep breath, ¡°it just pisses me off when,¡± she took a quick breath when I pressed everywhere but her clit, ¡°when people think it goes polytheism to monotheism to secular morality.¡±

    ¡°Sounds awful.¡± I teased her, almost pushing a finger in.

    ¡°It is,¡± she squirmed against me perfectly, ¡°it isn¡¯t about religion, it¡¯s about culture, my culture, and ¨C¡± she moaned sweetly when I pressed against her clit and entered her at the same time, ¡°and they don¡¯t even try to explain magic, looking down on the polytheist philosophers and priests who try instead of god ¨C¡± I put a second finger in and curled them up.

    ¡°Fuck, Zal, stop.¡±

    I tried to pull my hand away but she grabbed my wrist to keep me in her.Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

    ¡°Sorry, wasn¡¯t clear. Not like stop stop, that was perfect, exactly the kind of thing I fantasize about, but I am way too high to talk, especially with you fucking me.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t help but smile, I got it right.

    ¡°I still want to hear you.¡±

    ¡°You will.¡± She started scratching my head. ¡°Give me your tail.¡±

    I did and she took it in her other hand, gently stroking it with her tumb, softly purring.

    ¡°Should I start again?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    We were on the same page now. I barely moved, just enough to keep Anne feeling good. The closeness, being connected, is what mattered now. I closed my eyes, let my breathing fall in with hers. Eventually Anne had a little orgasm and we stopped. I had no idea how long we were at it, but I had mostly sobered up, and our food had been left outside our door. It had gone cold.

    It was late, Anne was reading, I was doing some push ups, trying to tire myself out so I would sleep even with the pain my wings were causing me. There was a soft knock on our door. I looked at Anne and she shrugged. I only had a bra and underwear on, but Anne was naked, so I put on some pants and a shirt while Anne moved out of sight.

    I opened the door and Lilly was standing there, in a tiny, tight black dress, violin case in her hand. She was smiling at me and before I could say or do anything she hugged me, wrapping her wings around me like the last time.

    ¡°Nice to see you Zal.¡±

    ¡°Hi Lilly.¡±

    There was a moment of awkward silence.

    ¡°Can I come in?¡±

    ¡°Oh, um, maybe, one sec.¡±

    I closed the door and went to Anne.

    ¡°Who was it?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s Lilly, from Ezrylliil¡¯s succubi group. She wants to come in.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll put some clothes on.¡±

    ¡°I told you about her, she¡¯s the one who I think was flirting with me, maybe, even though I kept bringing you up, saying you''re my girlfriend.¡±

    Anne was getting dressed, ¡°That¡¯s fine, I know you don¡¯t see it but people are going to flirt with you, and I trust you. I know you¡¯ll talk to me if you feel anything.¡±

    ¡°And she can be touchy.¡±

    Anne¡¯s tail puffed up a little. Fuck, I didn¡¯t mean for it to sound like that, ¡°No, I¡¯m fine, not like that.¡± I quickly clarified, ¡°you¡¯re the only person I¡¯ve ever really touched, so I¡¯m not used to it, and I don¡¯t know what¡¯s normal between friends, or women, or succubi.¡±

    Anne looked at me. ¡°Okay, if anyone does though ¨C¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    Anne was next to me when I opened the door. Lilly was looking down, tapping her fingers on her violin case. She quickly looked up at me, a smile on her face again.

    ¡°Sorry for making you wait. Lilly, this is my girlfriend Anne. Anne, Lilly.

    Anne reached her hand out but Lilly ignored it and hugged her, though she didn¡¯t wrap her wings around her.

    ¡°Nice to meet you Anne, Zal talked so much about you.¡±

    Anne laughed and thankfully Lilly didn¡¯t ask what was funny.

    ¡°Sorry we don¡¯t have drinks or food or anything.¡± I wasn¡¯t sure what I was supposed to do. I had never had a place before, never had a guest.

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You didn¡¯t know I was stopping by. I have been talking to Ez about you and she said you might need a little push, and I had a gig here and figured I might as well say hi.¡±

    ¡°Hey, I¡¯ve been doing pretty good.¡±

    Anne put her arm around me, ¡°she has, we went to our first session today.¡±

    ¡°How was it?¡±

    ¡°They¡¯re all cunts.¡± I was still pissed, and I sounded like it.

    Lilly laughed, ¡°Yea, but anyways, I have a gig tomorrow, at a proper dance hall. Do you have pencil and paper? I¡¯ll give you the address,¡± Anne got them for her, ¡°tell ¡®em your names at the door, they¡¯ll let you in, no charge.¡±

    ¡°We can afford it.¡±

    ¡°Zal, no.¡± Lilly took one of my hands in both of hers. ¡°It¡¯s not about money, it¡¯s about making sure you know you¡¯re welcome, that I want you there.¡±

    She held onto my hand for so long, I didn¡¯t know what to do, so I did nothing.

    Anne saved me. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure we''re there.¡±

    Lilly smiled at her, ¡°Thanks Anne. It¡¯s late though, I won¡¯t keep you two up any longer.¡±

    I was pulled into another hug, wrapped up in wings. Lilly leaned in close, maybe too close, and whispered sweetly, ¡°I mean it, lots of us would be happy to have you in our lives, I would be to have you in mine.¡±

    I didn¡¯t know how to feel, seemed a little too much like pity, but, some part of me liked it, even though I didn¡¯t know how I felt about her.

 Chapter 27

    ¡°What? You thinking of learning to do it yourself?¡± Anne tried to side eye me but she couldn¡¯t quite manage it because she was putting on makeup.

    ¡°Nah, but you¡¯re beautiful, and if we weren¡¯t together, living together, I would never see this.¡±

    ¡°Gross.¡± Anne rolled her eyes and I smiled. I know to her it was normal, and she had sisters growing up so it wasn¡¯t a private thing for her, but to me it was, one of many little glimpses into her life I would treasure.

    Seeing Anne in that dress again, and, I was proud of us, myself, both, I don¡¯t know. We were going out somewhere, we were actually invited, we looked good, I had never had so much going for me before. It was nice, made it easy to relax even with everything new in our lives. Neither of us had been to a dance hall before, though Lilly made me, well, not nervous, but I still didn¡¯t know what to make of her. I hoped they would talk more tonight, I trusted Anne¡¯s opinion more than my own.

    We took a carriage there. It was nice to have privacy until the last possible moment. During the ride there my nervousness and excitement mixed into some emotion I couldn¡¯t figure out, not bad or good, just a lot, and new. Anne though, she was only excited, and I did my best to lose myself in that. I think she knew, the way she looked at me.

    We got there early, and while a few groups of people were outside smoking there wasn¡¯t a crowd yet. The bouncer waved someone over when we gave them our names, and we were led upstairs. In hindsight it made sense Lilly would have special seats, but we didn¡¯t expect it. Maybe she didn¡¯t say anything ¡®cause she thought it might scare me away. The second floor had a bar, tables, couches, and a balcony looking over everything. Anne and I didn¡¯t need to say anything to each other, instead we stood at the railing, my arm around her, and watched the crowd that was slowly starting to form below us.

    ¡°You made it!¡± I flinched a little at the sound of Lilly¡¯s voice. She hugged me and I moved my hand off my revolver as subtly as I could, hoping she hadn¡¯t noticed. Anne did much better. She smiled back and they went in for a hug at the same time. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    ¡°Of course! Wouldn¡¯t miss it!¡± Anne said as she leaned against me, still smiling.

    ¡°And don¡¯t you two look perfect together.¡±

    ¡°I know right.¡± Anne took a step away from me, did a little twirl, and she looked so happy I could¡¯ve cried. When she leaned up against me again she took my arm and put it around her waist.

    ¡°Thank for,¡± I wasn¡¯t sure what to call where we were so I made a vague gesture, ¡°I thought we would be down in the crowd.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Lilly looked between me and Anne, ¡°I should have said something, I didn¡¯t think of it.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, really.¡± I was surprised, but Lilly shouldn¡¯t feel bad about it.

    ¡°Plus it¡¯ll be better up here,¡± she continued like I hadn¡¯t said anything, ¡°got lots of horns tonight, gets too loud for some people.¡±

    Anne laughed, ¡°we¡¯re both a little deaf anyway, so we might head down at some point, get the real experience.¡±

    ¡°Oh no, how¡¯d that happen?¡± Lilly seemed genuinely concerned.

    ¡°The shellings.¡± Anne was trying hard not to upset Lilly. ¡°I get a ringing sometimes, when it¡¯s really quiet, but we both hear well enough still, hasn¡¯t been a problem.¡±

    ¡°Sorry,¡± Lilly looked down at nothing, ¡°I should have guessed.¡±

    I shrugged, ¡°it is what it is.¡± Lilly nodded in agreement before instantly sliding back into her warm, cheerful, demeanor. ¡°So do you two dance?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t, but I think Anne knows some traditional ones.¡±

    ¡°Love, that was years ago, and I was never very good. Got a stern talking to from a priest once.¡± Anne¡¯s eyes lit up as she smiled at the memory.

    ¡°That¡¯ll work. I may use Beauvaisian instruments, but I only play our music, and it¡¯s not about being good, all that matters is you have fun.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know how much I can handle.¡± This was already a lot for me, but I looked down at Anne and she was looking up at me.

    Lilly interrupted my thoughts, ¡°I only sing for an hour and a half or so, and the band plays the rest of the night, so if you stay I can teach you. I grew these,¡± she opened her wings and gave them a little flap before closing them, ¡°so I know my way around the aches and pains.¡±

    Anne hugged me, ¡°Zal we have to,¡± and I kissed her, not just because she was beautiful and I loved her, or that I could lose myself in her so easily when she was happy like this, but because I didn¡¯t know what to do with myself. This already felt like too much and I wanted more, all I could take, of Anne, of all of it. I didn¡¯t realize the kiss had gone on too long until it was over.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± I said to Lilly, embarrassed.

    She laughed at me. ¡°Baby girl, we need to get you around your own kind.¡± Anne nodded in agreement as Lilly continued. ¡°I¡¯ll take that as a yes, see you in a couple of hours.¡± She gave me a quick hug and Anne and I went back to standing at the railing, watching the crowd, holding each other.

 Chapter 28

    A few others trickled onto the second floor, but they ignored us and we ignored them. The crowd below was far more interesting, so many demons, mostly humans, but still.

    ¡°Wow,¡± Anne said, somehow leaning even more into me, ¡°who could think we¡¯d end up somewhere like this.¡±

    ¡°Yea, but I think I like it.¡±

    The crowd hushed a little when the band walked onstage, not quiet, just quieter. The drums were familiar enough that it was a little surreal hearing them in this context, the signal drum cutting through the crowd before the rest joined in. I suppose it was to build anticipation for the horns, but after a while I had forgotten about them. I lost myself in it, I think because it was overwhelming, but not in a bad way. The tubas blended with the low drums, and I assumed the rest of the horns would do the same, so I wasn¡¯t ready for the wall of sound from the cornets and baritones. There were only five of each, but it sounded like the instruments were pushed past their limits, the sound cracking, almost uncontrollable. I flinched at it and Anne¡¯s ears flattened against her head, it felt bad that I found it cute.

    A devil stepped forward with his cornet and the crowd cheered, louder when he started playing and the cornet screamed over everything. He was showing off and the crowd loved it. I kinda understood. There was something infectious, exciting, about his confidence. The song ended with him clearly just seeing how high he could go, and after he gave a little bow Lilly walked onstage. She was wearing a short black dress, and she turned to the band to say something before acknowledging the crowd.

    ¡°Zinnen on the cornet everyone.¡±

    She didn¡¯t say anything else, instead getting right into her first song. I knew logically that Lilly must be singing incredibly loud to fill the hall the way she did, but it sounded, looked, effortless, almost intimate in a way, though maybe that was because I knew her. She did have a way about her that made me feel vulnerable.

    I recognize some of the tunes, though barely, I was used to hearing them on endongo or mandolin. Lilly was impressive. She interacted a lot with the band, often ignoring the audience to chat with them, sometimes during solos. She would call for a drink now and then, for herself, or she would pass it to someone in the band. It was like they were playing for themselves, hanging out, and we were lucky enough to be able to watch and listen. Stolen novel; please report.

    Anne and I didn¡¯t move from our spot. Between Lilly, the band, and the dancing there was plenty to watch. I didn¡¯t know what to make of any of it but it was fun in a way, wonderfully chaotic, don¡¯t know if it would have been any better if I could make sense of it.

    When the show ended, or at least the part of it where Lilly was singing, Anne took me to a table and got us some coffee. I thanked her, without the distraction of the music and the excitement of it all the crowd was overwhelming. Thankfully the people hanging around left us alone.

    ¡°So what did you think of the show?¡± Anne asked me, stirring her coffee.

    I leaned over the table and kissed her. ¡°I don¡¯t know, all I can think about is how crazy it is that we get to see something like this. Never thought I would even see the coast and now¡­¡±

    ¡°I know. I didn¡¯t know music like this even existed.¡±

    Lilly found us a few minutes later. She looked a little tired but was all smiles as usual. She asked what we thought and thankfully Anne had plenty to say. I wouldn¡¯t have been able to talk to Lilly about it the way Anne could. Lilly was born here, but she knew about music from all over the kingdom so her and Anne talked about the music Anne grew up with. It was nice to see her talking to someone. My time with Anne was always just us, except I guess on the train with Victoria, not that I minded when it was me and Anne, but this was special too.

    Anne was enjoying herself dancing with Lilly, and I tried to focus on that as much as I could but the crowd felt like it was pressing in and the band was getting too loud for me. When it was my turn I couldn¡¯t manage. Lilly tried so hard but besides barely being able to hear her, and the pain, it felt strange touching her. I didn¡¯t know what I was doing or where it was okay to put my hand and it was, I could only focus on the music or how I was moving, couldn¡¯t connect them to save my life. Lilly still hugged me for too long before we left. At least I was getting used to that.

    I thought I did a good job of hiding how uncomfortable I was until during the carriage ride back Anne asked if I was okay.

    ¡°Yea, I am, it was a lot though, and touching people who aren¡¯t you is, and Lilly is something, I don¡¯t know, I don¡¯t understand her.¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s a good person, I like her.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m glad.¡± I leaned against Anne, ¡°I can tell she¡¯s trying, that cares about me.¡±

    Anne nodded.

 Chapter 29

    It was too fucking early, I shouldn¡¯t have taken that military contrator job. It was hard knowing Anne was still in bed, cozy and asleep after last night. Could¡¯ve been worse though, I had slept well, tired enough that pain didn¡¯t keep me up, and I didn¡¯t quite remember the way, so I had something to keep my mind from wandering too far. The relative quiet of the city early in the morning was nice, as was the silence that surrounded me as I got further out.

    I clearly had made an impression on Kidan at the last test firing, she was already nervous. She must have heard me unlocking the gate as she was staring at me as soon as I entered.

    ¡°Zalgeth, ma¡¯am, sorry I¡¯m not sure how to address you. I¡¯m sorry if I came across as disrespectful before. I didn¡¯t know who you were.¡±

    ¡°And you do now?¡±

    ¡°Yes. I don¡¯t, didn¡¯t expect anyone with your experience and recognition, anyways, as an apology, I got a new stock, should be easier on your shoulder.¡±

    ¡°Won¡¯t that mess with the results, changing something?¡±

    She shook her head, ¡°I got nothing useful from last time, and I have the old stock if you want.¡±

    It was strange sure, but why bother changing them out again, and Anne had been getting through to me, less pain would be better.

    The new stock was simple enough, just had padding and was bigger. As much as this whole thing was pointless and frustrating it was easier to put up with when I was hurting less. The shooting itself though was far worse. Some seemed slow, not by much, and sometimes that seemed to drop them early, sometimes it didn¡¯t, as well as the bullshit from last time.

    ¡°At least it probably means you''re getting more magic into them.¡± I didn¡¯t really care about Kidan but still I didn¡¯t like seeing her frustrated, seemed like she was going to cry over this. I guess it made sense with the hours she must have put in. It was easy for me, I didn¡¯t care and just had to show up, and I could quit whenever.

    She spent some time looking over her notes while I stood around doing nothing.

    ¡°Fuck it, excuse my language, but that¡¯s enough for today,¡± she said, turning to me. ¡°I¡¯ll take this to my stats friend again, but I think it is more of the same.¡±

    I shrugged, ¡°Wish I could help.¡±

    ¡°You are, this is much faster than having to dig bullets out of a target, and someone has to use this, that¡¯s the idea anyway, might as well make sure nothing goes wrong with that.¡±

    I shrugged again.

    She still paid me for the full day, which I thanked her for. Having cash in my hand made it seem worth it. I didn¡¯t have any idea of what to do with the money, but there must be something good that could be done, and I did want to keep the job, it was such easy money, the idea of quitting seemed, wasteful.

    When I got home Anne wasn¡¯t there and I realized that I had never been in our room without her. I didn¡¯t know how to feel about that, didn¡¯t realize how this place was so connected to her. Almost felt like I shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve been there alone.

    I didn¡¯t spend that long cleaning before Anne got back.

    ¡°Welcome home.¡± I said before giving her a quick kiss.

    ¡°You didn¡¯t need to clean anything,¡± she hugged me, ¡°but this is a nice surprise. Everything okay though? Not home early for a bad reason?¡±

    ¡°Nah, just wasn¡¯t working again, at all. It seems random what the bullets do, I don¡¯t understand it, or why even try, but whatever, got paid for the whole day and it¡¯s not my problem.¡±

    ¡°Not surprising. Tell her to read Lumka Mhlaba, I think the book is called Religious Practices of the Interior, something like that, Religious Ceremonies?¡±

    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

    ¡°You know why it¡¯s not working?¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t sound too impressed, I think I know why it¡¯s not working, and I have no idea how to fix it, doubt it¡¯s possible honestly.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s nice to have a girlfriend who knows everything.¡±

    She shrugged, ¡°I just read a lot, and I¡¯ve told you what my family is like.¡±

    ¡°Yea. So what were you up to?¡±

    ¡°Lunch, I usually go somewhere for it, don¡¯t want to spend my whole day in here. Did you eat yet?¡±

    ¡°Fuck, forgot.¡± I was embarrassed, it had been a while since I forgot a meal, I think.

    ¡°Let¡¯s go then, I¡¯ll show you the coffee house I go to.¡±

    ¡°Did you just eat there?¡±

    ¡°So?¡±

    ¡°Point taken.¡±

    It was only a few blocks away, still in the rich area around parliament. Like the other one we went to with Victoria the windows were painted over and there were no signs indicating what it was.

    ¡°How did you find this place?¡±

    ¡°I asked.¡±

    Stepping inside I was surprised to see it took up the entire ground floor.

    ¡°There are three stories,¡± Anne explained, ¡°first is like a regular coffee house type thing, second is a restaurant, third is a library or bookstore. From what Fanaka said, this is parliament¡¯s fancy one, and it is nice, good food, good books.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯ve been talking to him?¡±

    ¡°A little, went to ask about how to learn side saddle and one thing led to another. He¡¯s easy to talk to, and it doesn¡¯t hurt that he respects us for the shields, nice to get the flattery without any weirdness.¡±

    ¡°Right, sorry, I wanted, want, to do the side saddle thing with you.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, really, just got the address of a place he knows, I haven¡¯t done anything with it yet. I know we¡¯re not exactly busy, but it¡¯s a lot, big changes in our lives. I have to keep reminding myself of that.¡± I gave her a little hug and she continued, ¡°anyways, let''s go up to the restaurant.¡±

    ¡°I can have something down here, you already ate.¡±

    She smiled at me, ¡°I could go for a drink and dessert, and I want you to see it.¡±

    I got that dim lighting and dark colors  was part of the aesthetic of these places, but it was annoying how hard it was to see. Anne led me to a table with a couch on one side instead of chairs.

    ¡°Thanks,¡± I said. It wasn¡¯t exactly nerves, but Anne being able to sit up against me on the couch helped me relax. A waitress found us before I could look at the menu.

    ¡°What can I, oh hi Anne, back so soon? And you must be her girlfriend, she mentioned you a few times.¡±

    I nodded

    ¡°Work ended early for Zal, so I figured why not take her out, show her the place.¡±

    ¡°Good idea. Anne¡¯s become quite the regular here. Have you had a chance to look at the menu yet?¡±

    ¡°No, but uh, Anne, what do you normally have?¡±

    ¡°Soup and sandwich.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll have that then, and some water.¡±

    ¡°And I¡¯ll have a coffee and some cake, and a second sandwich for Zal.¡±

    Once the waitress left I turned to Anne, ¡°I don¡¯t need two, really, I¡¯m doing a lot better.¡±

    ¡°You forgot a meal.¡±

    ¡°Yea but ¨C¡±

    ¡°No, I¡¯m not letting you slip on this. It¡¯s not even that much for someone as tall as you.¡±

    I sighed, frustrated at myself. ¡°You¡¯re right. It¡¯s just, I feel like I do nothing but at the same time that I¡¯m always overwhelmed.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re still healing, and growing wings, and we¡¯re both fucked up a little.¡±

    ¡°Still. I haven¡¯t written my mom in a while, we haven¡¯t written Victoria at all. It¡¯s not that hard, it, I don¡¯t know.¡±

    ¡°I can write to them. I¡¯m not going through anything physical so things are easier for me, I don¡¯t mind.¡±

    ¡°Victoria sure, thank you, but my mom? I think I have to do it myself.¡±

    Anne gave my hand a squeeze, ¡°she has to get to know me somehow.¡± I didn¡¯t look at her. ¡°Zal, it¡¯s okay not to be able to do things.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t have to like it.¡±

    ¡°But hating it doesn¡¯t help, and I want you happy.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re gonna be worse than normal until you finish growing your wings. We¡¯re not gonna be able to figure out how much you can do before that.¡±

    ¡°Yea, I¡¯m getting used to the pain already, easy to forget that¡¯s happening.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not excited to fly?¡±

    ¡°No, only looking forward to being done with it, and being able to wrap them around you.¡±

    ¡°Gross. Get that idea from Lilly?¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s something.¡±

    ¡°Can we maybe not talk about her.¡±

    ¡°Okay, but, let me know when you can.¡±

    Anne quickly showed me the library before we got our food. I see why she liked it here, it was simple, light, good everyday stuff, and while I didn¡¯t like how dark it was she could see better than me so it probably didn¡¯t bother her. I don¡¯t know why I imagined her spending almost all her time in our room, she¡¯s smart enough to know that¡¯s not healthy. Thank the gods she was looking after me, I didn¡¯t realize how hungry I was, and when we got back home I was able to have a nice nap.

 Chapter 30

    ¡°No, stay.¡± Anne said as she grabbed my tail to keep me in bed.

    ¡°I¡¯ll come back, let me go to the bathroom.¡±

    ¡°Fine.¡±

    Crawling back into bed with her was paradise, but I couldn¡¯t fall back asleep.

    ¡°Well if you¡¯re gonna fidget that much.¡± Anne kissed me and started getting up.

    ¡°Sorry.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine. I want our hours to be the same anyways.¡±

    Anne had a shower and I waited for her.

    ¡°Today is still arena day, if you feel up to it, so I was thinking we don¡¯t do anything until then,¡± she said as she stepped out of the bathroom, still drying herself off.

    ¡°Thanks, I¡¯m pretty nervous about it.¡±

    ¡°We can hang back, try to avoid meeting another Lilly.¡± Anne laughed a little to herself.

    ¡°She¡¯s alright.¡±

    ¡°But a lot for you.¡±

    I shrugged and Anne stared at me.

    ¡°You wanna talk about it?¡± She asked.

    Why did I feel more vulnerable when she was naked. ¡°I mean, however I feel about it, she¡¯s good for me.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t hate her or anything?¡±

    ¡°No, no of course not. She¡¯s very, touchy, though.¡±

    Anne was slowly drying herself off and gods, too beautiful.

    ¡°Zal, you know you can find other people attractive, I don¡¯t care, and I¡¯m not blind, Lilly is stunning.¡±

    ¡°Yea but, you¡¯re the only person I¡¯ve touched and felt anything, normally I just, don¡¯t care, but still with Lilly I feel. It¡¯s uncomfortable, but not in a bad way, I don¡¯t know, I don¡¯t think about other people, I¡¯m happy being your¡¯s.¡±

    She smiled at me, ¡°Cute, but then I got nothing. Don¡¯t know why you feel weird about it.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to solve all my problems.¡±

    ¡°Yea, but it¡¯s nice to try.¡±

    There was an awkward silence.

    ¡°Are you interested in her?¡± I don¡¯t know why I wanted to know.

    Anne laughed, ¡°relationship, no, I barely know her, but she¡¯s talented, beautiful, kind to you, and if I¡¯m reading her right I think she would fuck both, either, of us if we asked.¡±

    ¡°Oh.¡±

    She laughed again. ¡°Don¡¯t look so sad about it. She¡¯s clearly in the demon culture, I doubt she takes sex seriously. I¡¯m used to casual, but for a succubi it must be different.¡±

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    I wished that appealed to me.

    After she finished drying herself off Anne lay on the bed, resting her head on my thigh. I took the hint and scratched her head.

    ¡°You know when I push you towards other succubi I don¡¯t mean for you to be like them, and I don¡¯t think Lilly or the others want that either.¡±

    ¡°Yea, but, but I want something different. Things are still hard for me, I wish I could be like them. I want to want Lilly, but I don¡¯t, not anyone besides you, not that I need the same thing from you.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not interested in anything serious with anyone else, but it¡¯s fun, I mean it¡¯s fun for me, if it isn¡¯t for you then it isn¡¯t. I don¡¯t want to do anything alone, even with Lilly. I think a big part of the fantasy is seeing you relaxed, more comfortable in your own skin, it¡¯s, it¡¯s not entirely sexual.¡±

    I gave her a little kiss, ¡°thanks, that helps actually. I think I would be doing better with all of this if it wasn¡¯t for my wings hurting so fucking much.¡±

    She hugged me, kinda awkwardly, as she was still laying on my lap.

    I don¡¯t know how but I managed to fall back asleep and woke up tired, Anne cuddled up against me. I kept as still as I could but it wasn¡¯t long until she woke up too. I had, I knew I had to, I knew what the pain was, always happened when we missed our morning fuck, and I did what I could to make it not so bad. Made me wish I was, being a succubus was fine, being human or whatever, even a devil, would be better. Pretty sure there were more people I would rather fight than fuck, but I wanted the normalcy. If I had grown up here maybe I would have it, but then I wouldn¡¯t have met Anne, and this wasn¡¯t forever. Fucking wings, but maybe, two years at most, they would be done. That wasn¡¯t too long, and I was getting better at dealing with it. I could feel the ache now, but I was resisting the temptation to ignore it, though that was mostly because of Anne. I couldn¡¯t handle the guild if I did. Honestly that helped more than anything with seeing sex as love and not an obligation, even though I was fucking obligated. If I could see things the way Anne did, maybe, I don¡¯t know. She would handle this succubi shit better than I was, not that I wanted her to go through it, and I imagine it would be easier to support someone else. Anne wouldn¡¯t let her thoughts run like this when she was trying to turn herself on, so why was I?

    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Anne asked. She was cute, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

    ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to wake you.¡±

    ¡°I was already up mostly, I felt you tense up.¡±

    ¡°Didn¡¯t know it was that obvious.¡±

    ¡°You wanna talk about it?¡±

    ¡°No, but¡­¡± I took a moment to collect myself. ¡°I should.¡±

    Anne let me take my time.

    ¡°So it¡¯s good,¡± I explained, ¡°I know that, but I can feel it, I know I need sex, but I don¡¯t want to.¡±

    ¡°Can I help?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Do you, do you want to, even though you don¡¯t? Fuck that is a bad way to say that, but you know what I mean.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    ¡°Do you want me to try to get you in the mood, or do stuff to me, or I do stuff to you?¡±

    I took a deep breath, it was hard to ask for, ¡°Can you do stuff to me, and I, I don¡¯t really do anything. I feel ¨C¡±

    ¡°No need to explain, I¡¯m happy you asked.¡±

    I look down at her and she was smiling at me, with so much love in her eyes. I smiled back, a little overwhelmed, and she wrapped herself around me, purring softly, waiting until I calmed down to get started.

    Anne rolled me onto my side, moving herself to be the big spoon, and gently massaged the front of my shoulders, the muscles connected to my collar bone, whatever they¡¯re called, if they even have a name. I didn¡¯t realize how tense I was until I felt myself relax. It might not have gotten me in the mood but at least I felt less like shit, and I only flinched a little when she touched my cock.

    ¡°Relax,¡± she whispered, ¡°it¡¯s okay.¡± It was easier when Anne told me what to do. ¡°Don¡¯t think, focus on how it feels.¡±

    She was gentle as she started stroking me. If I didn¡¯t think about why I was doing this it wasn¡¯t so bad, just like any other massage, or close enough that I could lie to myself about it. Anne must have been listening to my breathing again, she slowed down every time I got caught up in it. It was working, it was sex of some kind, and it didn¡¯t feel bad, but I couldn¡¯t completely get rid of the thought that this was something I had to do, not something I wanted to.

    ¡°I want to take care of myself, can you roll onto your back?¡±

    I did as asked and she climbed on top of me, and started fingering herself while kissing me, and somehow that worked. I held her as she made herself come, and  I could feel the pain fade during her afterglow as she purred and I scratched her head.

 Chapter 31

    Anne was happily humming as we made our way to the hotel¡¯s stables.

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to be so smug.¡±

    She laughed, ¡°pretty sure I do.¡± I rolled my eyes at her. ¡°Zal, you have to admit it was clever, and it¡¯ll make things easier on you.¡±

    ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean I want to think about it.¡±

    ¡°Really? I thought you loved thinking about me.¡±

    ¡°You know what I mean.¡±

    ¡°And I¡¯m saying don¡¯t think about the bad parts, think of the good.¡±

    ¡°Easy for you to say.¡±

    ¡°Yea,¡± she smiled at me, ¡°that¡¯s why I¡¯m saying it.¡±

    The arena was deep in the ¡°bad¡± part of the city. Not all the roads were paved, and the buildings didn¡¯t line up nicely into blocks. I guess they didn¡¯t plan this area out. I didn¡¯t know if it was because I was getting used to it or if something was different but it seemed like people weren¡¯t staring at us as during the ride over. I wasn¡¯t surprised the arena looked like any other building, blending in seemed to be a theme, but I didn¡¯t expect so many demons, I mean, I knew it would be like that, but so many outside, relaxed, smoking, mostly devils obviously, but still there were a few succubi. I did my best to look confident, like I belonged, as I rode over to the, I don¡¯t know if it counted as a stable, but there were a few horses tied up and a devil keeping an eye on them. My nerves were getting the better of me. I expected him to say something about it being my first time, or that I shouldn¡¯t be here, or Anne shouldn¡¯t, but of course that didn¡¯t happen. He took our horse and gave us a ticket.

    ¡°You¡¯ll have to turn in your gun. There¡¯s a desk on the left when you first enter.¡± I nodded. So he did know it was our first time here. At least he didn¡¯t make anything of it.

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    The guard, or bouncer, at the door wasn¡¯t as friendly, but I suppose being a little intimidating was his job. I did my best not to let it get to me.

    He stood a little too close, ¡°Can you vouch for her?¡± He asked, looking down at Anne.

    ¡°Yes.¡± I put my arm around her before I could wonder why he asked, but it didn¡¯t take me long to figure out. Inside almost everyone was a demon. ¡°Shit,¡± Anne said under her breath, ¡°guess we should¡¯ve been worried about me not being allowed in, not that I blame them.¡± I did my best to ignore everything, didn¡¯t want to fuck up by forgetting to turn over my revolver.

    ¡°What do you need locked up?¡±

    ¡°Just this.¡± I replied to the man at the desk, slowly taking my revolver out.

    His eyes lit up a little, ¡°while don¡¯t see one of these here too often, or ever, now that I think about it.¡± He stroked his greying beard. ¡°Don¡¯t feel any pressure to answer, I know how things are, but how did you end up with an officer¡¯s pistol, and why this over a Beauvian six shot, I mean, most people think that''s the better option, and cheaper.¡±

    I shrugged, ¡°it was a gift, and it''s just for self defence. Got by fine with a single shot most my life, never occurred to me to care.¡±

    ¡°Fair enough,¡± he gave a friendly smile, ¡°sorry to bother you about it, I have an interest in firearms and that revolver is pretty unusual to me, but of course we don¡¯t want to make a bad first impression.¡±

    ¡°That obvious?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°No, but, no offence, we tend to remember non-demons, so staff and regulars will know.¡±

    ¡°Makes sense,¡± she replied.

    ¡°Anyway,¡± he reached under the desk and handed me a key, ¡°number 14, don¡¯t lose the key.¡± He gestured to a wall of lockers. I thanked him, walked over, and locked my gun away, trying not to feel nervous about it.

    ¡°Well so much for blending in,¡± Anne said quietly to me, ¡°but at least he didn¡¯t recognize us. I don¡¯t think the people here are the type to keep up with military politics.¡±

    ¡°What makes you say that?¡±

    ¡°¡±I know how things are.¡± He thinks you might have stolen it, or something, and was letting you know that he doesn¡¯t care.¡±

    ¡°Oh, I figured he didn¡¯t want to make me talk about my time in the army.¡±

    ¡°No one is going to assume we served, not when, well,¡± she gestured to our bodies.

    ¡°Right.¡±

    Before I could look around, find a place to sit, settle in, a devil approached us.

    ¡°We need to talk.¡± I don¡¯t know how he managed it, but it was clear he meant it as a threat.

 Chapter 32

    There was a small restaurant, really small, open kitchen, with just one cook working in it, and one waitress. The casual atmosphere and not private table surprised me. I had expected to be taken into some back room, or kicked out.

    ¡°Do you want anything to eat? Drink?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯ve never had to do this before. I¡¯m Jargath, one of the owners of this place. If it was up to me, I would assume you have only honest reasons for being here, but considering who we have to rent from, and the nature of the work many of us have to do, some caution is necessary. With your connection to the government we need to be sure that you are not here on their behalf.¡±

    ¡°Fuck off,¡± Anne was pissed, ¡°what, you think anyone here would turn down the pay we are getting? It¡¯s easy money, and we don¡¯t have to rat on anyone, they don¡¯t care what we do most of the time, and won¡¯t care at all after a year.¡±

    ¡°You have to understand, the military ban is still recent enough that tempers haven¡¯t cooled, and,¡± he turned to me, ¡°no offence, but that succubi are allowed when devils aren¡¯t, you can understand how that is frustrating for us.¡±

    I did my best to seem confident but non-threatening, ¡°I can¡¯t imagine, but we didn¡¯t have other options, work sise, and we did what we had to in regards to the shields.¡±

    ¡°So you really fought?¡±

    ¡°Of fucking course we did.¡±

    ¡°Anne it¡¯s okay,¡± I turned to him, ¡°we really served, we come by the shields honestly, as I¡¯m sure you can tell, we are new to the city, and a friend¡¯s girlfriend recommended some places for us, including here, no other demons back home, so I¡¯m just trying to,¡± I gestured around me, ¡°I am, I have a contract with the army. I can¡¯t say anything about it, but we¡¯re out, no more fighting or whatever you think we¡¯re, or might be, doing. I wouldn¡¯t betray my own people, or anyone.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s not the most helpful.¡±

    I put my hand on Anne¡¯s thigh to try to keep her quiet, this didn¡¯t seem like the time or place for her temper.

    ¡°I think about quitting all the time but,¡± I took a moment to think, ¡°there¡¯s nothing I can do. Even if I did I can¡¯t prove I¡¯m not still, I can¡¯t prove it. Probably best if we leave.¡±

    He waved to the waitress and when she looked he mimed writing.

    ¡°No, not yet, no need to think, to give people a chance to think there is an issue. If you stay for a bit and never come back, that¡¯s not uncommon, even if someone else knows who you are, but if we talk and you leave immediately it will imply we had a disagreement, and we haven¡¯t right?¡±

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    I gripped onto Anne tighter, silently praying she wouldn¡¯t say anything. This was for me, being here, I needed her to respect that. There was an awkward bit of waiting before the waitress brought a piece of paper and a pencil.

    ¡°This place,¡± he said while writing, ¡°is good. Demon focused, but not the way we are. They try to make money off humans. They would be happy to have you.¡± I nodded, taking the paper from him. ¡°Now, have some food, enjoy yourself best you can under the circumstances, and let¡¯s part on good terms.¡± He stood up and left with a smile that was almost sincere.

    It wasn¡¯t that I disagreed with Anne¡¯s anger, everyone knew the army was almost entirely made up of desperate people with no options, why he found it so unbelievable for us was frustrating. I¡¯d thought that, or assumed, that other demons would understand why I couldn¡¯t, that I couldn¡¯t do sex work, that I wouldn¡¯t have to explain it, but I think that he must¡¯ve assumed I could and I choose the army over it, or, I don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t expect things to go badly in such a boring way. I thought it would be because I would panic or everyone would hate us or something. This was worse, and I didn¡¯t like that Anne hadn¡¯t said anything after he left.

    ¡°You good?¡± I asked, putting my arm around her.

    ¡°Not exactly, but I know you don¡¯t want any extra attention.¡±

    ¡°Thank you.¡±

    She hummed in agreement and leaned against me. Another moment of silence.

    ¡°When he said who he rants from he meant gangs right?¡±

    Anne shrugged, ¡°probably, someone not entirely above board at least.¡±

    ¡°Legal reasons?¡±

    Anne shrugged again, ¡°I really don¡¯t know, but I¡¯m curious now. How is this any different than a brothel. It¡¯s pretty tame, no blood, and the same need, why would it be different legally, if it is?¡±

    I looked over the fights and it was surprisingly restrained, mostly wrestling and stick fighting of some kind, or kinds, I couldn¡¯t tell. I was from too far north, never seen it before. I guess I thought it would be more intense, the way sex was normally for succubi, or, fuck, I guess I didn¡¯t know shit, that was, I hadn¡¯t, or even talked about it. I could ask Lily about what normal was but that would be a nightmare of a conversation. Probably not worth it.

    ¡°Is this a good stuck in your thoughts?¡± Anne asked.

    ¡°Maybe, just realizing how little I know.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡±

    ¡°Ow.¡±

    ¡°You know what I mean.¡±

    ¡°We should eat.¡± I didn¡¯t want to talk about it and thankfully Anne let me clumsy redirect our conversation, ¡°and then, I was going to try to have the courage to talk to some people but, is there even a point now?¡±

    ¡°Less of a point for sure, but coming here was the hard part, and you did that, so?¡± Anne sighed, ¡°we can wander around a bit, talk to people if they talk to us, and leave quickly. I like being places where I¡¯m not welcome.¡±

    I laughed, though mostly at how frustrating this was, ¡°makes sense.¡±

    The food was alright. I should¡¯ve had more but tonight was enough as is. Anne was, I don¡¯t know, I hated, I couldn¡¯t read her the way she could me. I tried to ask or figure out what was wrong, but she either didn¡¯t notice, or didn¡¯t want to talk about it, but it was Anne, so she would talk when the time was right. We didn¡¯t stay long, half an hour or so after we finished eating, and the ride back to the hotel was quiet, neither of us saying anything.

 Chapter 33

    When we got home Anne sat on the bed and looked at me in an unsettling way.

    ¡°What?¡± I asked.

    ¡°You up for a difficult conversation?¡±

    ¡°Yea, I have the energy, that was obviously less than I expected.¡±

    ¡°I mean it.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡± It was painfully awkward standing there, my nerves weren¡¯t exactly getting the better of me, but it wasn¡¯t pleasant. She wasn¡¯t making eye contact, barely looking at me.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry ¨C¡±

    ¡°Anne ¨C¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t interrupt, this is hard enough as is.¡± She took a breath and continued, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I hope I¡¯m sorry for not saying anything when I first noticed, or when I was sure something was up. No one thinks conversations like this should happen, we would, my friends, when I was younger, we would gossip about it. I thought it was the right thing to do, not the gossip, but not saying anything, or that it was the only option. And everyones been so worried about you not knowing other demons, but there weren¡¯t any other queers either. Pushing someone is supposed to be bad but how can you know? I don¡¯t want to spend gods know how long hoping you meet someone, find something, and I don¡¯t know how common it is for demons, and can you see yourself in a human? And tonight really showed me that we don¡¯t blend in, stumbling around randomly, it might happen again, at least for a while, years even, we might be shields first, people second. Fuck, I, I try not do things I feel I have to justify to hard.¡± I let her take her time. I wanted to say she didn¡¯t have to, not with me, but she knew that. ¡°Zal, have you, I wanted to talk to Lilly about this, but what was I supposed to do, say. Hey Lilly, how does gender work for succubi? Are the wings like, feminine, and no this line of questioning has nothing to do with my butch girlfriend who had a little breakdown over not being able to wear sports bras so tight it might as well be a binder cause her wings are growing, ignore that. I could never, wouldn¡¯t, betray your trust like that but, but now I have to talk to you about it when I don¡¯t know anything and I hate it. But, and every queer I have known thinks you shouldn¡¯t just say this, but have you ever thought you might be trans, or not a woman in some way?¡±

    ¡°I¡­¡± Fuck.

    ¡°You know I love you, I want you, whatever that means.¡±

    I nodded, but I couldn¡¯t look at her.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know if you noticed,¡± Anne continued, ¡°but I¡¯ve been doing things like avoiding your chest, and uh, I think it helps, sorry if I should¡¯ve said something, or if I overstepped.¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t realize.¡± I replied without thinking. I still couldn¡¯t look at her, couldn¡¯t think of anything to say. I felt a little light headed, it was distracting.

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    ¡°Do you want a hug?¡±

    I shrugged.

    ¡°Can I hug you?¡±

    I nodded and closed my eyes when I felt her arms around me. I wanted to cry but I was too far away.

    ¡°You okay?¡± She asked.

    ¡°I haven¡¯t even written my mom, not for a while at least.¡±

    ¡°I told you I could do that right? I don¡¯t mind, and she has to get to know me anyway.¡±

    ¡°I think we did talk about this.¡±

    She kept on holding me.

    ¡°So how badly have I fucked up?¡±

    ¡°Anne, no. This fucking sucks, and I see why you, but I think I¡¯m just like this.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s my point.¡±

    ¡°I mean like, it¡¯s what works, I don¡¯t need to do anything with it.¡±

    ¡°But you should be happy.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine, really. I¡¯m tall, my face isn¡¯t too femme, the idea of wings doesn¡¯t bother me, and I can put up with it until I can wear the tight bras again. I forget about them most of the time anyway.¡±

    ¡°Ignoring isn¡¯t things being fine.¡±

    ¡°And I can¡¯t really, can¡¯t be trans in the way a human can, and I have a dick at least ya know, can¡¯t really complain, compare to a real trans guy.¡±

    ¡°So you have thought about it, you''re just being an idiot.¡±

    ¡°Not for years, but yea, back home, it was a nice fantasy, but it was mostly about being safer, I was so afraid all the time.¡±

    ¡°A woman would imagine herself safe.¡±

    ¡°Anne ¨C¡±

    ¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t mean that.¡± I couldn¡¯t tell if she was mad at me, didn¡¯t help I was slowly realizing how light headed I was getting.

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter anyway, no one would do anything medically, not even sure if it¡¯s legal.¡±

    ¡°Fuck the law, and there are other contries, we could afford steamer tickets if we saved up a little, and there¡¯s social stuff. You seemed to do better, after I changed how I touch you.¡±

    ¡°You should have told me.¡±

    ¡°I know, I know, I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t realize I was doing it at first, and by the time I did I didn¡¯t know how to bring it up without it turning into this conversation, and, and I went on about that too much already. Fuck, I¡¯m fucking this up, I thought you would cry, I was ready for that.¡±

    ¡°Anne, I¡¯m fine, really. I am who I am, I¡¯m at peace with it.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be at peace, I want you to be happy.¡±

    ¡°You know what I mean.¡±

    ¡°I want you to fight for it, we have so much now, please don¡¯t give up without trying.¡±

    ¡°- I¡¯m so tired Anne.¡±

    ¡°I know love, I know¡­fuck.¡± She cried gently into me. ¡°I''m supposed to be comforting you.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not so bad for me, really.¡±

    She wiped her eyes, ¡°Can I talk to Lilly about it? I want to, if I don¡¯t, if I don¡¯t I¡¯ll spend the rest of my life wondering what if, I can¡¯t.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t think I can feel weirder around Lilly so, fine, okay, but just her, and I¡¯m good, I mean it, but for you.¡±

    She pulled me down a little and kissed my cheek.

    ¡°Thank you!¡±

 Chapter 34

    I thought I needed some time alone to think things over, so when I woke up before Anne the next morning I left a note for her, so she would know where I was if she did wake up earlier than normal, and went for a ride. It didn¡¯t help. Everything was better with Anne, I don¡¯t know why I thought this would be any different.

    Anne was awake when I got back. I didn¡¯t know what to say to her, if I should say anything, maybe pretend it never happened. At least she seemed fine, though it was hard to tell, I was struggling to focus on anything. I hoped Anne would say something, take control of the conversation, and how I was, where I went, something, but she didn¡¯t, and I didn¡¯t like it being up to me.

    ¡°It didn¡¯t help.¡±

    ¡°What?¡± Anne looked genuinely surprised I said anything.

    ¡°Being alone, I thought, I don¡¯t know, if I had space I could not feel so fucking weird but¡­¡±

    ¡°Can I help? I want to.¡±

    ¡°I know Anne, but I don¡¯t know how to deal with this. It just, didn¡¯t get to me, and I¡¯m not even thinking about it, but, I¡¯d hoped I could sleep it off.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not mad at me, are you?¡±

    ¡°No, I want to be, but, fuck,¡± I wanted to cry, it snuck up on me, I managed to hold it back though, ¡°I can¡¯t, I¡¯m not.¡±

    ¡°Zal that¡¯s not good, please let me fix it.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know how, it¡¯s just gonna suck for a while, but I¡¯m not worried about us.¡±

    She nodded but started tearing up, and she was Anne, so I forgot everything, getting into bed with her so I could hold her.

    ¡°I hope this ends up worth it.¡± She said softly, her eyes closed as she tried to relax into me.

    ¡°So do I.¡±

    I could feel her slowly relax, mostly her breathing slowing.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t like waking up alone.¡±

    I held her a little tighter, ¡°that was a mistake.¡±

    ¡°And I miss our, time together, in the morning, the intimacy is nice.¡±

    ¡°The intimacy?¡±

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    ¡°I mean it, not that there aren¡¯t other things about it I miss, but, its, we¡¯re so close, I think that¡¯s a big part of why.¡±

    ¡°What are you getting at?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want this, me, to be why you slip up on this.¡±

    ¡°Just a day, please.¡±

    ¡°Do you want to do that to yourself, really?¡±

    ¡°Only a day.¡±

    ¡°And will that make it any easier? I know how, I mean I¡¯ve been doing it for a while, and you liked it, I won¡¯t, draw attention, to anything.¡±

    ¡°Anne, stop pushing, I can¡¯t keep up.¡±

    There was a tense silence before Anne, it wasn¡¯t exactly crying, but it wasn¡¯t not crying.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯ve been worried about this for, a while I guess, or maybe from the beginning on some level and I thought saying it would help but now its fucking worse and I hate it and it¡¯s not even happening to me.¡±

    ¡°Anne, if you could feel what I feel you would know whatever it is it¡¯s not so bad.¡±

    ¡°Like how the pain you were in, when walking, standing was hard, how that wasn¡¯t so bad. If I felt that it would break me, break anyone not used to it, you have to see that now, feel the difference.¡±

    ¡°Look, I want to be able to fuck up, the dream would be like a week of eating only what I want, sleeping when I want, only fucking when I want to, getting high most of the time, but I can¡¯t have that, and I fucking hate it.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯ll get easier.¡±

    ¡°Not to be a bitch about it, but I want it to be easy now. I¡¯ve been through enough shit.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    More silence that Anne broke.

    ¡°Is it no, as in, as in I shouldn¡¯t try anything? I can, even if you feel weird about stuff, I can work around it. I have been.¡±

    ¡°Can we lay in bed a while. That¡¯s the only thing I know what, I know that I want right now.¡±

    ¡°Okay. I love you.¡±

    ¡°I love you too.¡±

    It was a good plan, take some time to think, try to build up the courage to do what I should or tell Anne that I wanted a day, maybe two, of being a fuck up, but I think I fell back asleep, or at least was drifting in and out. At some point Anne got up to get a book, and we cuddled while she read. I guess she wasn¡¯t as tired as I was, I don¡¯t know why I couldn¡¯t stay awake.

    ¡°I¡¯m scared of both.¡± Anne closed her book and looked at me. ¡°I mean, I don¡¯t want to, fuck, I don¡¯t want to, I want to give up, for a while anyway, but what if I do and I can¡¯t get back to where I am now. Both options are shit.¡± Anne kept looking at me but I didn¡¯t know what else to say. I felt so small.

    ¡°What do you want from me?¡± Anne asked, gently. I shrugged, and she gave me a quick kiss before continuing, ¡°you know I want what¡¯s best for you, but that¡¯s easy for me to say.¡±

    ¡°Yea.¡±

    ¡°And is this any better? You can barely stay awake.¡±

    ¡°No that can¡¯t be why, you know what I did, I could go weeks.¡±

    ¡°Could. I can¡¯t know for sure, but why else would you be so tired, and it¡¯s good, living like that was going to kill you.¡±

    I sighed and tried to get closer to her, ever though I was already laying up against her.

    ¡°You¡¯re right, but I¡¯m gonna be pissed about it, shit isn¡¯t fair.¡±

    ¡°No, it isn¡¯t.¡±

    I wanted to do something to get out of this mindset, make some sort of decision, but I couldn¡¯t stay awake, or more that I couldn¡¯t convince myself staying awake was worth it, so I drifted off back into a light, uncomfortable sleep, with Anne still next to me.