《I May Or May Not Have Caused the Apocalypse...? Tee hee~》 I Forgot To Bring My Towel~ Today was just an ordinary day, on ordinary old Earth. I got out of bed, strapped on my shoes, and headed out to work. I then immediately stepped back inside my house, put some clothes on, and then headed back out again. Work is only about a 15 minute walk from my house, so I don''t really need to take my car. Honestly, everything I need is within a small commute from my house, I''ve been thinking about cancelling my car insurance. I looked around as I walked, appreciating the ordinariness of everything. I''m walking on an ordinary sidewalk, next to an ordinary road, on my way to my ordinary job. Ordinary cars pass by, except for the yellow ones, they''re assholes, but I suppose that''s ordinary too. Ordinary housewives are kicking their ordinary snot nosed brats out the front door, making an ungodly racket. I suppose I should describe myself, seeing as all you know about me right now is that I have a penchant for appreciating ordinary things and streaking. Yes, streaking, because I sleep in the buff. Also, I am buff. Seriously. I''m not one to brag, but I''ve got a six pack, and I run a few miles every day, in addition to my daily commute. Wait, I just remembered something. Oh, right. None of this really matters, given what''s about to happen on this pleasantly ordinary day. I''m a tad OCD. As I was walking, I happened to spy a loose stone in the cracked sidewalk. It was jutting up above the rest of the sidewalk, truly a tripping hazard. Being the kind hearted gentleman I am, I walked up and MASHED that sum bitch back into it''s place, removing one hazard for everyone''s sake. And then...well, did ya read the title? Yeah, everything exploded. I don''t mean that literally, as in, not everything in the world exploded in their own seperate explosions per item, as in every pencil in a pack exploding seperately. I really mean to describe one huge explosion that blew everything all to shit. Just thought I''d clarify that. Unfortunately, I didn''t get to stick around to witness the no doubt bad ass explosion, because I was dead. Yup, I didn''t even make it through the first chapter. Shit sucks. Dying isn''t terribly difficult, I''ve noticed, as in the becoming a dead person part. Afterwards though, it''s a tad rough. Imagine yourself finally noticing the earth''s rotation, a couple hundred thousand miles an hour or whatever it is. Now imagine noticing earth''s rotation, and then becoming detached from it, while hurtling in a straight line towards a bright white light. Now imagine a chicken sandwich. Now you''re hungry. I digress though. Once you''re done hurtling through the tunnel, you abruptly stop on the other side of that white light, and you''re in your respective heaven etc. Blah blah blah religious mumbo jumbo each faith has different heavens. I personally don''t know what happens if you go to a respective hell, but I''d imagine it''s the same process but less comfortable. I hurtled to a stop, and looked around me. Unfortunately, there wasn''t much to look at, because there were four grey, solid looking walls surrounding me. Under my feet, which I abruptly noticed were missing, was a solid looking gray floor. I was beginning to notice a trend here. Looking straight up, luckily, there was NOT a solid looking gr?y ceiling. My mouth agape, all I could do was stare, dumbstruck. The swirling galaxies, the burning suns and molten planets, the gaseous giants and far away stars were all laid bare to my sight. At that point in time, it was easy to realize just how small a person really is. If you haven''t been to the country, I recommend it. Find a friend with a farmhouse, or even just drive your car out there, and have a look at the night sky. Stay away from civilization, all the light pollution will dim your sight. Go on a crisp autumn night. Bring a telescope if you like, but more importantly, don''t forget to bring a towel, and just lie there, and have a look. If you''re a tad introspective, you may get how I felt at that moment. Some of you may be wondering why I could greet my missing feet with equanimity, and be awestruck by the heavens. Well, there was a bit of an overwhelming feeling of surreal. Honestly, I can''t really account for myself in the circumstances. Could you? About the time my non existent neck started hurting from trying my best to look straight up, something blotted out the view. A woman''s head, bigger than the ceiling that was neither grey nor solid looking, was peering down at me. Long, flowing locks of golden hair, beautiful noble facial structure, a deep emerald green pair of eyes, a shining white tooth. Yes, she had one tooth. She''s a god, aight?! She does what she wants. "CAN YOU UNDERSTAND MEE?" -?? "YES I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!!" - Me "I AM BIG MOJO GODDESS. ME ANGRY YOU END WORLD. YOU NO GO HEAVEN. YOU GO DIFFERENT WORLD. YOU DO BETTER." -Goddess "You know, I can speak perfectly clear English." - Me "Oh. My bad. You were so small, I assumed your mental faculties matched." - Goddess "Happens to me all the time," I said with a straight face. "Well, either way, I''m still pissed. Seriously, what the hell man? Do you know how hard it is to make a world, and keep it running the way I did? The entire thing was a clusterfurk of massive proportions! Then you just HAD to go and hit the self-destruct button, and blow everything to shit!" - Goddess If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I just kinda stared at her, once again dumbfounded. "...self destruct button?" "Well yeah, every good invention has a self destruct button. You people have ''em too, remember?" -Goddess My non existent head started hurting. " Alright. So, you''re pissed I hit the self destruct button. My bad. I''m sorry about that. Anyone could have hit it though, honestly, it was just sitting there in the middle of the sidewalk. Why did you even put it there?" "Sidewalk? No, it was buried a couple hundred miles beneath the surface?" -Goddess My mouth gaped a little bit. The goddess looked at me, and then just sighed. "Yeah, I get it. It was tremendously bad luck. You didn''t do it on purpose, you just happened to put the right force in the right place, and managed to press the switch enough to set off the whole shebang. You kinda did accidentally commit genocide on a few thousand different species though. I can''t exactly put you in a Heaven, and you don''t deserve to go to Hell, in my opinion, which is the only one that really matters. -Goddess "Can''t you just put it back the way it was?" -Me "It''s not that simple..there are a limited number of souls to go around, it took me forever to accumulate all the ones I had stockpiled on Earth, and now that they''re free they go back into the big potluck in Main Heaven." - Goddess "So essentially you could make the world again, but there''d be no souls on it." - Me "More or less. I don''t really want to rule over a zombie world, there are already too many of those where lesser gods are sulking. I suppose it''s time I take a vacation. It''s been a few eons." I nodded sagely. "So, I can''t go to heaven, and I don''t belong in hell. So, what''s this different world like?" "You''ll enjoy it, I think. You seemed like a pretty smart dude, and dudes like games right? Well, this world has some cool tricks in it, you can probably do much better in this new one anyways. I''m having a friend do me a favor, letting you in, so for my sake, don''t blow this one up, ''kay?" I sighed. "You blow up one planet.." She smiled, looking benevolent despite her mirth. "Alright, I got a long trip ahead of me to get to edge of the universe in time for lunch, so I gotta send you packin'' dude. This might suck a little bit." -Goddess She reached into the box I was stuck in with one massive hand, grasping me firmly. She then tossed me into the air, grabbed me by my leg, which had come back at some point, and rearing back, tossed me with all her no doubt god like strength. Dying isn''t terribly difficult, I''ve noticed, but alright I''ve already done that gag once. Anyways. Pew pew, I went flying like a freaking laser, millions of miles an hour, bright white light again. Coming through the light, I found myself floating in orbit around a planet, much like Earth. Blue seas, large landmasses, a few scattered groups of islands. It was a big place, much like planets usually are. I know, terribly descriptive. Either I, or the planet, depending on how self important you are, slowly revolved, and I was able to see a few continents. One shaped like a boot, complete with cowboy spurs. It was kicking towards another continent shaped like a goldfish bowl. In the north, there was a perfect circle of frozen ice. To the south, a perfect circle of hard packed earth and inferno, flames spewing everywhere. As the planet slowly revolved, I thought I saw a slight shimmer on a section of ocean, but it was hard to tell, given my lack of experience observing planets. Having seen all I could, I waited impatiently for something to happen. And waited. and waited... "HELL FUCKING O HERE?! TRYIN TA REINCARNATE!!" - Me Faintly, I thought I heard a snicker, and a slightly ''special'' sounding voice, saying "Sowwy." A blue text box has appeared!
"Welcome to Pungeea! Please select your starting continent! - Distonia - Ruthero - Frozen Wastelands - Flaming Wastelands - ???? (Random)"
As the text box popped up, the continents below myself began to glow faintly blue, and their name''s slowly spread over them. Distonia was the cowboy boot, and Ruthero was the gold fish bowl. I think the other two were self explanatory. Given my lack of foreknowledge of the situation, I picked the goldfish bowl. It looked like a greener country, and therefore I was less likely to starve to death, right? ...right? "Ruthero selected as starting location. Race will be pre-determined via first available birth slot. Class and stats will be determined during lifespan. Error. Soul found to have pre-set conditions. Gender automatically set to Male. Race type automatically set to Humanoid. All other parameters met. Please stand by for integration." Once more through the tunnel I went, although this time was slightly slower, and wetter. Being born isn''t terribly difficult, but what comes after is a real mess. I''ll skip the gory details for now. IT ISNT SMALL! *sob* Well, here we go. I''ve been born. I''m looking around, with my bleary, brand new eyes, Mom is laying on her back, panting, she looks beat. Sorry Mom! Seriously though, even though she''s covered in sweat and looks kinda dazed, she''s hot. 9/10 at worst. My dad has good taste. Speaking of him.. I struggled to rotate my tiny, weak head and looked up. Dear god, is that a bear? No. No, it can''t be. Right? Yeah, now that I look closer, the dude just has an amazing beard and mustache combo. I always wanted one like that, but I was toast before I could grow one. Ignoring his massive amount of facial hair (Ever heard of a razor?) , he had warm blue eyes, and the biggest grin I''ve ever seen splitting his face. I guess he''s happy? What were you expecting to come out of Mom? A chupacabra?! "What is it, what is it?!" -?? Piercingly high, annoying screeching. I looked around again. My sister, I expect. She looked to be about 12, and though she didn''t really resemble my parents, it was difficult to tell without a little more time to look at her. About the time I started looking at her, My dad flipped me upside down and held me by one leg. "It''s a girl!" -Dad ...wait what. WHAT WHAT WHAT FUCK YOU MAN! I tried to do a sit up, which was of course impossible, being a newborn. What about all that error and overwriting stuff?! WHAT ABOUT MY MANHOOD!! Dad squinted his eyes, and leaned in a little bit. "Wait, no, it''s a boy. Hard to tell." I died a little inside. "Yaay, a little brother!" - Sister I think I will forever have a complex about the word little now. Still. Better some than none? RIGHT? I''m'' just going to assume you agree with me. "Dear, quit holding him like that, his face is turning red! I''ll fucking kill you!" - Mom Dad visibly blanched, and started holding me properly. "Um, what was his name again? I may have forgotten." - Dad How do you forget something like that?! How many children do you have! "Well he''s a boy, so we decided to call him Duorey." - Mom I think I can live with that name. At least it wasn''t something silly like Burninator. My body was pretty exhausted, but my mind was wide awake. Still, some things you can''t overcome, so I slipped into a deep sleep. I woke up in prison! No, wait, cradle. Yup, this is definitely a cradle. Why are the bars metal?! Am I a demon?! At least the padding was comfortable. Felt like feathers, without the pointy parts. I flailed a little, enjoying it immensely. I heard an odd grumbling, and then I realized how ridiculously hungry I was. Honestly, I was so hungry I started crying. I know, lame of me. You''ll have to forgive me somehow. "Here now, what''s all this ruckus?" -Dad You can''t feed me! You ain''t got no tits! I started crying louder the closer he got. "Fine! Fine! I''m leaving!" - Dad quickly retreated. Mom came into the room, and yeah I''m just gonna skip the nitty gritty here. Seriously, do you want a description of everything? I refuse, for both of our sakes, to describe my Mom''s tits. I''m also going to leave out every time I answer nature''s call. Some things, you just don''t need to know about. Sated, I gave her a smile. She held me for a while, cooing at me. Dad crept into the room, eyeing us warily. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it."Is it time to give him that?" He asked. She nodded. "He''s a very peaceable baby. I don''t think it''s necessarily a bad idea. Go ahead." Dad pulled out a small needle, and approached me. I eyed him warily. Anything having to do with needles probably won''t end well. Still, Mom seemed to think it necessary, so I let him do as he will, laying quietly in Mom''s arms. He grabbed my ear, and swiftly thrust the needle through, and then proceeded to threat a long, dangly earring through the newly made hole. It was made of silver, it looked like a tear drop made of small then increasing in size rings, finally terminating in a small diamond. He made the hole and put the earring through so fast that I honestly couldn''t feel any pain from the whole process. "Done!" Dad said with a smile. Mom smiled as well, and started talking directly to me. "Hey son. Welcome to the world!" Just for the hell of it, I decided to talk back at her. I know I wasn''t fully developed, but a little baby gabble wouldn''t kill me. "Hey Mom! Nice to be here!" Instead of the expected gibberish, clear, fluent English came out. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS! Mom''s smile was fit to split her face. "You''re remarkably fluent for being newborn. It usually takes a few weeks before babies get beyond the ''Milk!'' and ''Poopie!'' phase." I attempted to nod, but once again my newborn muscles failed me. "To be honest here, I don''t exactly feel like a newborn. I keep trying to do things that my body isn''t necessarily ready for. It''s really annoying, not being able to move." Mom smiled. "That''s because your Strength and Dexterity are at the level of a newborn, given that you are newborn. You must have been born with a remarkable amount of Wisdom and Intelligence to be talking already. Here, these should help." She reached behind her, and Dad put three rings in her hand. She placed each of the rings on my tiny, stubby fingers, and they shrunk to fit, staying firmly attached. I can''t describe the power rush I felt when those rings attached. My tiny, newborn muscles fairly surged with strength, to the point I felt like running a few miles and doing backflips. Mom placed me on the ground, and I attempted to stand. And managed! Oh, thank you Goddess. I wasn''t going to be stuck in a crib for years, trying to manage my incontinence and flailing around feebly. Mom was clearly delighted. "Already standing! With just this much help!" Dad was pleased as well, and said in a somewhat arrogant tone, "Just what you''d expect from MY boy!" I toddled around for a bit, getting used to my new limits. After a few minutes of walking, another blue window appeared.
Skill Created! Walking: The basic phase of locomotion. Skill levels in walking increase speed of travel by 2.5%. Beginner Level 1.
I was amazed, yet again. Skills..it couldn''t be.. "STATUS!!!" I yelled at the top of my itty bitty lungs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you for your assistance with the tables guys! NEVER USE QUICK EDIT! Post re-spaced. Blowing..Err..Growing Up! *Koolimmm pah!* What the hell..?
Status Window
NameDuoreyTitleAccidental Apocalyptor
Health10Mana100
Level1
Health Regen/Sec0.1Mana Regen/Sec1.0
Strength1 (+4)Agility1
Wisdom11Intelligence11
Endurance1Stamina1 (+4)
Dexterity1 (+4)Luck-8
Ignoring the annoying SFX, I was absolutely pumped. It was EXACTLY like I thought it was! This is totally a game world! SWEEET! Scanning my stats, the first thing I noticed was my title. "Show Title!"
Accidental Apocalyptor Destroy an entire planet, on accident. Title may be changed, but applied effects are permanent. +10 Intelligence +10 Wisdom Luck -10.
Oops. Well, no use crying over spilled milk. My parents were standing by, beaming. "So young, and already intuitively using System commands!" -Mom "You did good honey." - Dad "How do the stats work, Mom, Dad?" Dad stepped forward, proudly declaring, "I''ll explain the physical stats!" Mom nodded. "I''ll explain the rest." "Strength is a measurement of how much force you can exert with your muscles! Endurance is a measurement of how physically tough you are! Stamina is how long you can exert yourself! Agility is how quickly you can move, and govern major muscle control. Dexterity is used for fine muscle control, and pinpoint accuracy. Your Health is a measurement of the force of your life. If your health hits 0, well, you die!" Dad stepped back, offering the floor to Mom. "Mana is your inner force. You can use your Mana to manipulate the outside world, and cast spells. Wisdom measures your good sense, and mana regeneration. If you have high wisdom, you''re more likely to make sensible decisions. Intelligence tells how much knowledge you''ve acquired. High intelligence will allow you to understand how things work, unlike Wisdom, which tells you WHY things work. Intelligence will, Goddess forbid you get into combat, allow you to quickly pinpoint weak points, and deal more damage with your attacks. Luck is how well the world will work in your favor." I nodded, well pleased. Ignoring my bad luck, which was no doubt some form of divine punishment, I was pleased. It looked like I was well on my way to being a mage. A mage you say? YES! A MAGE! MAGIC! I started dancing in place, absolutely ecstatic. My parents looked on, looking slightly perturbed. Hey, I said I was dancing, not that I was a good dancer. Falling over, I mashed my head into a corner of my prison...crib. Immediately, blood started pouring out, dripping down my face. I was horrified. Am I going to die? So soon?! I JUST GOT HERE! I pressed my hands onto the bleeding wound, trying to stop the blood flow. Deep breaths, Duorey, deep breaths. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Mom and Dad were both freaking out, running around in circles. "Oh god he''s gonna die!" "We''re terrible parents!" "Child services are gonna take him away" "They can''t take him if he''s dead!" How do you know about child services?! Taking a deep breath, I yelled, "CALM DOWN!" Mom and Dad stopped running, and then Mom bonked her own head, and ran up to me. Putting her hands over my own, her hands began to emit blinding light. "MAJOR HEAL!" The pain from my bleeding head stopped instantly. I could feel, beneath my hands, the flesh closing, knitting itself into place. Ding!
+ 1 Endurance
Title gained! Paint Chip Scarfer Optional Title +4 Endurance -2 Intelligence
HEY HEY HEY! Really now? I''d rather be the guy who blew up his planet than the guy who was dropped as a baby! Oh, wait, I''m both now. LOVELY! Crisis averted, my parents calmed down. "Are you okay, love?" -Mom "Yes, I''m fine now. It''s a good thing I had intelligence to spare though." Nodding, Mom said, "You need to be more careful. We could have lost you. It''s a good thing I''m a priestess!" "Ex-priestess." - Dad "Well aware of that, hun," Mom said, a tad menacingly. Dad blanched again. I''m getting the impression that I shouldn''t mess with Mom. She seems scarier than the Goddess. I was hungry again. "Is it time to eat yet?" Mom chased Dad out of the room, and unbuttoned her - Nope. Not doing it. Well sated, I was ready to explore. The house we lived in was relatively large, for what I assumed was medieval era times. Everything was made of wood, stone, and metal. The house had three bedrooms, one for my parents, one for my sister, and one for myself. There was a small kitchen, with an attached casual dining room. A den, with a roaring fireplace. My dad''s study, where what happens therein is anyone''s guess. The walls were made of a polished, gleaming dark wood, the floor smooth stone, and all of it covered in multitudes of furs. A massive bear pelt covered the floor in the den, it''s head roaring fiercely at the fireplace. I was well pleased with the place, if I had to say, my parents were well off. That''s always been the problem with medieval times, too much starvation. A few tips from the old world would probably solve that problem for the village though. Content, I sat on the pelt in the den, and looked at my parents, who had been quietly stalking me as I explored. "This is a nice house. Can you teach me to use magic?" I asked, with a sparkle in my eyes. Probably unbefitting someone as small as I. Well, can''t have everything in life. Dad looked disappointed, but Mom looked thrilled. "I told you he was MY son!" Dad slunk away, pouting. "Hey!" I called out to him. Dad turned around, a hopeful look on his face. "Can you teach me how to raise my physical stats too?" "WOOT!" Dad shouted, grabbing me up and spinning me. No NO NO NO NO!! Not again! Dad''s hands slipped, and I went flying at one of the nearby walls. Mom cried out, and lunged for me, managing to keep me from becoming baby sauce at the last second with a marvelous interception. I sighed. It was going to be a long life. Training To Match the Gods!...of sloth Brought to you by wonderful, wonderful alcohol, without which I firmly believe the world of literature would be devoid of life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, it turns out that Wisdom also has an unforseen side effect. It also helps with the process of maturing. In other words, I now look 11 years old. I went to sleep shortly after talking with my parents, who promised to teach me tomorrow, and woke up like this I know, I know, you wanted to see more of cutesy baby Duorey. Well, sorry, I couldn''t exactly control it. My parents took it remarkably well, all things considered. "Honey, our son is a genius!" - Mom "I know Dear, from excellent parents, come excellent children." - Dad Ignoring my parents who were entirely in their own world, I was pretty happy myself. I couldn''t wait to get started increasing my stats. That, and MAGIC! Seriously, you don''t even understand. I''ve always played video games, specifically RPGs. To be living an RPG for an entire life time, was more than I could have ever hoped for. I would have blown up the world sooner for the chance! Mom and Dad eventually snapped out of their world, and we had a wonderful breakfast. Something similar to potatoes, mashed and fried in some kind of fatty, salty oil. Eggs, over medium served with bacon. BACON BACON BACON! Oh, this world was magnificent to degrees I couldn''t describe. We sat around the table, digging in. I could clearly see my parents enjoying breakfast as much as I did. "Dear, you really outdid yourself today. Truly excellent." - Dad "Honey, I could hardly do less for our little boy''s first meal!" - Mom I was too busy committing genocide on the small pile of bacon to chip in to the conversation. *Doop do ba doop a doop!* ...banana phone?
New Title Gained! Optional Title The Glutton: Share a communal meal, and consume a dish before anyone else gets any. +1 Agility +1 Dexterity -1 Strength -1 Stamina
I dismissed the window, and returned to my bacon. No one gets between me and bacon. No one. My parents were once again in their pink colored world. Once the meal was finished, I coughed, and the atmosphere dispelled. "You ready to get started, baby?" - Mom "I want him first!" - Dad fairly shouted. "It''s gonna cost you..." Mom smiled in a way I''m not supposed to understand. "It''s worth it." Dad stuck his tongue out of his massive beard. The pink atmosphere started forming again, and I stood up. "I''ll go with dad first!" I quickly said. Pumping his fist in victory, Dad grabbed me by the hand, and dragged me out of the house. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Ahh, the great outdoors. I took a look around, surveying the place. We were a fair distance, but within eye shot, of a small village. Rough wood houses, with straw roofs, and dirt paths. It wasn''t much to write home about. I could faintly see the people in the village meandering about their respective ways. Seems like a fairly relaxed place. Dad stood by impatiently, and when I was done looking, he cried, "Follow me!" and took off running. I broke into a run myself, pleased with the ordinary feeling of running. My body wasn''t used to the unfamiliar use, but my mind was. I ran as quickly as I could, but Dad, of course, quickly out paced me. "A steady pace, son! No need to wear yourself out before we even get 20 miles!" Wait what? "20 miles? Are you crazy?!" With a somewhat sadistic grin, Dad kept his silence. About 5 minutes into the run, I was completely exhausted. I slowed my pace, and then fell over flat on my face. "Oh god, I can''t go on." Dad looked disappointed, but doubled back to me and sat by my side. "Just wait for your stamina to come back. Then we''ll keep going." I nodded, panting like a dog. Over the course of the next 2 and a half minutes, I could literally feel the energy coming back to me. I didn''t feel the slightest bit tired after resting, and stood back up, ready to go. "Let''s get back to it!" -Me Dad nodded, and we set off again. 5 minutes later, I fell on my face again. Dad looked down at me, exasperated. "I can feel your spirit, but honestly, this is just too slow!" I slowly rolled over, then sat up. "I don''t get it either, it''s like the minute I hit the 5 minute mark I can''t keep going anymore." "That''s your Stamina stat! You mean to tell me you only have a stamina of 1?!" I nodded. Dad just looked at me with his mouth hanging open, then shut it, and nodded. "I see. Well, we have a lot of work ahead of us then. When you reach the five minute mark, keep running. Focus all your will on it. It will hurt, but no pain no gain." Easy for you to say. We waited for my stamina to refill, and then we started running again. At the five minute mark, I literally felt the impossibility of movement. Imagine that someone mounted the statue of liberty on your back, and then told you to jog. That''s about how I felt. Gritting my teeth, I kept running, even though my pace slowed. *Ka-pow!*
Skill Generated! Life Burn: Gained by pushing yourself beyond your limits. Allows you to exchange life points for stamina. Current rate of exchange: 5 life to 1 stamina. Beginner Level 1
The Super Late Chapter! Sorry for not posting sooner, my time just went all to other stuff today. My FAFSA at the college I''ve applied to ended up having a problem, which took a few hours to straighten out. Good news on that front. Also, more words of wisdom today. When you''re dealing with my girl, What and Why are kinda pointless to ask. As in, What are you doing? - me Making cookies. - her Why are you making cookies at 2 in the morning? - me Because you farted. - her Long story short, you get perfectly legitimate reasons, that still leave you confused. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After obtaining Life Burn, I stumbled to a stop, managing to keep my feet this time. "I got a new skill!" I cheered. "Ooh, what cha get, what cha get?" -Dad "It''s called Life Burn, it lets me trade some Health for more Stamina." "Excellent, that will make this easier. You should use Life Burn as we''re running, it''ll hurt like hell, but the pain will increase your Endurance, which will increase your Health. In addition, being able to run further will make your Stamina go up." I nodded. "It won''t let me die, will it?" He shook his head. "Nah, most skills have limiters. Unless the window SAYS it will let you die, you should be fine." Well, that makes sense. We set off again, after my life refilled. At the five minute mark, my Stamina ran out, so I shouted, "Life Burn!" This skill REALLY REALLY SUCKS! I could literally FEEL my blood burning, like someone had picked me up and threw me in a huge boiling pot. "ARRRGGHHHH!!" The pain was so intense I lost my steady pace, and just started sprinting, like someone who doesn''t know about Stop Drop and Roll. I kept running till I ran out of Stamina, screaming the whole way. If I hadn''t had sweat dripping from every pore of my body, no doubt I would have seen flocks of birds rising from the trees around me. Finally, I stopped, and dropped. This time on my rear end, rather than my face. In the words of a certain blue immortal lamp dweller, HE CAN BE TAUGHT! *Ding!* *Dong!*
Skill Generated! Running: Gained by running! Increases speed while running by 2.5% Beginner Level 1
+ 1 Endurance + 1 Stamina + 1 Agility
Panting, I wiped my forehead. God, that hurt. These rewards though! How sweet victory is. Dad quickly caught up, he had maintained his steady pace. "Feeling froggy are we? Let''s up the pace from now on then!" With a cheerful grin. I shuddered. We''re going to keep going? ++++++ We ended up turning around about 2 hours into the jog, for a total of 4 hours of running. I kept using Life Burn, and managed to gain a few more points each in Stamina, Endurance, and Agility. Every time I gained a stat, Dad seemed to know, and upped the pace. It was miraculous how the minute your Stamina was full, you weren''t even slightly winded. These were my stats, at the end of training.
Status Window
NameDuoreyTitleAccidental Apocalyptor
Health60Mana100
Level1
Health Regen/Sec0.1Mana Regen/Sec1.0
Strength1 (+4)Agility5
Wisdom10Intelligence10
Endurance6Stamina5 (+4)
Dexterity1 (+4)Luck-8
Look at the gains! My Health has increased sixfold! I can sprint for 9 minutes now! I''m faster than a speeding handicapped shopping cart! Okay so the last one isn''t that impressive. What do you want from me? Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. Dad, rather than being displeased with my low starting stats, was happy with the speed of my improvement. "At this rate we''ll have you swinging a sword in no time!" I had high hopes for my magical capabilities, but I kept those to myself. He was was too happy at the thought of me apparently following in his foot steps. Mom was waiting at the gates for us, tapping her foot impatiently. She was resplendent in an aquamarine gown, low cut, with matching moccasins. Her blonde, slightly wavy hair caught in a passing gust. I looked to my side. Seriously, my mom had bad taste. I was feeling a little like I was what popped out when Beauty met Beast. "Welcome back Honey!" Mom threw herself into Dad''s arms, somehow managing to pat me on the head while hugging him. Ugh, seriously, is your nose broken? Even I can smell wet dog. We all went inside, deciding to break the day in half with lunch as the divider. My sister was inside, cleaning around the house. I guess she''s a bit of a late sleeper? "Eep!" Sis looked at me, and then blushed and hid behind a sofa. "Wh-who is this?!" She said, peeping around the edge. "This is your brother?" Dad said, questioningly. "WHAT! What happened to my cute little brother! Give him back to me!!" She immediately discarded her shyness, rushed at me, and started pounding on my chest with both of her hands. I did my best to fend off her fists, but her hands blew mine to the side. Curse you low Strength! Luckily, my Endurance had increased, or she probably would have one shot me. Mom eventually stepped in, before I died. "Darling, you know what happens with Wisdom, right? He hasn''t had a chance to adjust his Settings yet, so it really was unavoidable. I forgot myself, yesterday, or I would have told him. He''s still younger than you, so let it go. I''m just as sad we missed the cute Duorey myself." Mom truly did look sad, a slight glimmer of tears in her eyes. I felt a little bad, but not particularly guilty. Being that small had serious disadvantages. Like incontinence. Oh, and meal times. I can honestly say that I won''t be missing that. I could feel the revulsion at the thought. I guess it''s a genetic thing? Sis finally calmed down, and we all sat down to eat. For lunch, we had triple-decker reuben sandwiches, with a side of tomato soup. The meat was tender, piping hot, and when you bit into it, would dribble grease down your chin. The bread toasted in a pan, with a slight amount of the oil from breakfast. The sauerkraut was a perfect mix of sweet and sour, and was in big chunks that would break with an audible *crunch* between your teeth. I can''t comment on the dressing''s ingredients, because honestly I''ve never know what it is, but it blended the whole meal together perfectly. The tomato soup was thick, and hearty, served in a medium clay bowl, with a sprig of basil on top. Truly divine. At that moment, I decided in my heart that I would do my absolute best to keep from blowing this planet up too. Sister cleared away the dishes when we were all finished, and Mom beckoned to me. I followed her outside, and we set off down the same path Dad and I had trod earlier. This time I managed to take a look around. It was a beaten dirt path, with long, waving fields of tan grass standing up to waist height surrounding. Not too far through the fields of grass, I could see a forest, trees standing tall, in attendance. The sun shone beautifully, casting everything in it''s yellow light. This world had ambiance to the teeth. After about five minutes of walking, another dirt path tied into the one leading to our house. We traveled down it for a few minutes, and arrived at a large clearing. "Are you ready to learn about magic, son?" Mom smiled beautifully. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Narrowly aborted attempts to reunite with the Goddess: 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I read all the comments. I really mean that. If you comment, I WILL read it. It really means a lot to me when you guys comment, and thank me. I get a huge, creepy smile on my face and everyone looks at me funny. Some of you even went as far as to leave a review on the main page, and that''s awesome. Share the wealth guys. I''m writing this because I''m enjoying the story, as much as you''re enjoying reading it. Seriously. I don''t know what I''m writing half the time, it just ends up on (virtual) paper. Oh, and I''m not worthy of -sama, I''d be just as happy with -san, if you feel the need for respect. Ooh, ooh ooh Its Magic! Semi-serious chapters happen guys, sorry if the punch lines aren''t coming through. I really wanted to focus on Duorey in this chapter, as the magic system is always my favorite part of everything. Also, I hate bureaucracy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "YES!" I screamed. I had been looking forward to this since I first yelled Status and saw the MP bar. Seriously, magic dude. I guarantee you there isn''t one person on Earth who wouldn''t jump at the chance to try it. Not that there''s one person on Earth anymore. They''d probably jump at the chance to eat a breadless shit sandwich, rather than being, well, dead. But that''s depressing! Moving on! Mom nodded. "The easiest way to learn magic is to read a Skill book, and just start doing it. It''ll give you a feel for casting. Unfortunately, we don''t have that luxury. We kinda mortgaged our house to just get those accessories for you. So, you''re going to learn the hard way!" "Sit down, and clear your mind. No, don''t close your eyes. You need to feel the world around you with your body, not your mind. Magic isn''t some archaic concept you need to master to be able to use. It''s the very feeling of living. There is magic in everything, it''s what makes living creatures live, and inanimate things exist. It''s the fundamental building block on which everything is made." "Feel the sun and wind on your skin, the blood pumping through your veins. Smell the air, taste the lingering food from lunch. Unfocus your eyes, and take in everything. Don''t tune out anything, listen equally to every sound." Mom quit talking, and I did my best to follow her advice. Honestly, it wasn''t easy. I guess this was becoming one with nature or something? Should I take off my clothes? I should definitely take off my clothes. Mom didn''t say anything as I stripped, and just waited. I sat down cross legged, and truly focused on becoming un focused. You know how sometimes you can just go into a daze, and stare off into space? It was like trying to force yourself to do that. Finally, I managed to slip into a daze, but I felt there was something missing. Like I had left one of my senses unoccupied. A kind of sixth sense which I wasn''t currently using. It was strange, because I''d never felt it before. Doing my best to keep my senses balanced, I reached for that feeling. Clarity blew through my mind, like being doused with cold water when in a fugue, bringing me to a more alert state than just normal wakefulness. I felt...alive, and surging with power. More than that, I felt connected to the world around me, as if the face of the world was my skin. I could tell when the wind would blow, and I could feel the pieces moving. It was like switching from first to third person. *Ting!*
Skill Generated! Mana Sense: Allows you to perceive and manipulate ambient mana, as well as your innate mana. 10% easier to access mana pool. Beginner Level 1
Mom clapped, excited. "Well done, it looks like you''ve got it! Remarkable, really. It''s only been a few hours." Hours? I looked up, and sure enough, the sun had moved a fair distance. It was probably 3 o'' clock now. "Alright darling, now that you''ve got a feel for it, try getting back into that state, and gathering that power onto your palm." I immediately went back into my trance, getting a feel for it. It was like crossing your eyes, once you get the trick, it''s much easier. I felt the almost addictive surge of power, and started focusing. Gathering the power was like controlling the flow of blood through my veins, using my mind. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Just above the palm of my hand, I could see wispy blue shimmers of light forming, They wrapped around an invisible core, like the eye of a tornado, and soon I was holding a faintly pulsating shimmering sphere. *Ting!*
Spell Formed Mana Orb The most basic form of mana manipulation, forms energy into a visible sphere. Variable MP cost Beginner Level 1
HELL YES!! I just held it and looked at it for a while. It was really pretty. I noticed the mana cost was variable, so I tried to manipulate it further. I pulled a little mana out of it, and watched it shrink. I started pouring mana into it, and it grew to about the size of a basketball. I grinned. This was going to be awesome. Standing up, I shrunk the ball, and managed to keep it''s form. Grasping it with both hands, I placed both my hands to my right side, one hand over the top, one over the bottom. "KAME!!!" I started pouring energy into the ball, trying to keep it compact with my hands. The orb maintained it''s shape, and started glowing brightly. "HAME!!!" I finally reached the limits of what I could pour into it. I didn''t feel any of the power left in my veins, it was all in this sphere. "HAAAAA!!!!" I thrust my hands forwards, releasing the orb! It fell over, landing at my feet. *BOOOOM!* I sailed about 5 feet into the air, and 20 feet horizontally, doing an awesome pirouette. "Oh Goddess, why?" My tears sparkled in the air, following me. Mom caught me before I hit the ground, where I would have no doubt made a very messy crater. She caught me with me facing towards the ground, one hand landing firmly on my chest, and the other firmly in my tender bits. "Oof!" The pain...what horror have you wrought on me, mother. I could see my future children with sad faces, turning away from me. I was winded, and in incomparable pain. Mom laid me down on the hard ground, and immediately chanted, "Major Heal!" Nice reaction speed. Such warm energy. I could feel my vigor rekindled. Come back to me, Jimmy! I just laid there for a minute, trying to figure out what went wrong. The energy gathering was perfect..It was all compressed, and made an impressive explosion. It finally dawned on me. I had put ALL my mana into the orb, and invested none of it into any form of propulsion. The super explosive energy bomb had been tossed entirely by my Strength stat, which was a whopping 1. *ding!*
Skill Generated! Kamikaze Increases the damage and reduces the charge time of suicidal attacks. 2x damage, 1/2 charge time. Beginner Level 1
Like hell I was going to level that skill!
+1 Wisdom +1 Intelligence
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3/1000 ways to die unlocked ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry, only one chapter again today. There''s way too much drama in my life atm, so I''ll guarantee a chapter a day, but I wouldn''t expect 2 a day for a while. Meatsplosions and an Interesting Offer! I decided to keep practicing my control, being careful not to release the accumulated mana, or at least not anywhere near myself. I waited for a bit for my mana to recover, which only took a minute and a half or so. I started dredging up the power within, and started toying with it. I found that the more I focused on the orb, the greater the control I had over it. Playing with mana was like playing with instant hardening clay, that could still be molded. If I forced it to become a certain shape, it would stay that way. It was really cool, because I was doing it entirely with my mind, so exactly what I wanted turned out every time. I tried rolling the mana into a tube, and sharpened the point on it, making a kind of fat, crayon mana blob. Not what I wanted. I rolled out the tube some more, and put a definite delineation between the tube and the sharpened tip. Now that''s a spear! I heard a dinging, but I ignored it for now. I''m gonna keep playing. "Mom, how do I propel this thing? Do I have to throw it?" "What you should try to do is impart the feeling of speed to it. Remember how you felt when you were running? Try putting those memories and feelings into the spell." I nodded, and got back to it. I tried doing what she said, and I could feel the mana spear greedily eating the feeling of speed. Lifting my palm above my head, the mana spear floated just above the palm of my hand, and I aimed at a tree, screaming "Go!" The spear left my hand, moving at about the speed I run. Which is not terribly impressive. I sighed, and cut off my flow of power to the spear. It kept going for a bit, and then just wafted away like smoke in the air. I recreated the spear, which took less time because I knew what I was doing, and imparted the feeling of riding in a car to it. Aiming once again, I released it. The spear flew extremely fast, and I was ecstatic. It flew at a speed of about 70 mph, and completely missed the tree, continuing into the forest. I heard a *thump* and a *Scree!!*
Rabbit has been slain! +5 Exp
All this time I thought I had negative luck! I walked into the grass, and after a bit of searching found the poor rabbit''s body. It''s head was missing, and the body was still warm. I felt bad, but I felt better when I thought about what Mom could make from it. I took it back to the clearing and sat down with it in front of me. Concentrating on the body, I made a sharp edge, and started skinning the body. I was tempted to throw up multiple times, but managed to keep it down. Seriously, this is gross. I finally flayed all the skin from the rabbit, and I heard a rustling in the surrounding grass. A literal horde of rabbits came pouring out from the area around the tree. Now that I could see a live one, and it''s head, I felt a lot less guilty about murdering the first one. Four inch fangs drooped from the jowls of the rabbits, and their beady red eyes seemed possessed by a demonic light. And god were they fast, at least half as fast as my spear, which clocked them in at around 45 mph. I started running, but realized it was hopeless. The rabbits parted around my mother like a rock in a stream, giving her a clearance of about 10 feet, and she stood there, waiting, while they charged at me. I turned in place, and started charging my spirit bomb wanna be, saving enough energy this time to impart propulsion, and tossed it into the ravening horde. *BOOM!* An impressive crater was formed, and tiny furry limbs flew every direction. It started raining blood and innards, and I was quickly coated in said downpour. The threat was thoroughly eliminated. Mom started clapping, still pristine despite her proximity to the explosion. "Well done!" I just blinked. I guess skinning a rabbit aggros all rabbits.
11x Rabbit slain. +55 Exp
Level up! Level up!
++++ After washing off at a nearby stream, I sat on a rock, air drying myself. I was excited to learn more about the level up system. I opened up my status, and saw I had 10 status points to assign, and two things called Boosters. Luckily, a ready font of information stood nearby, waiting for me to blow up again. "What''s a booster?" "It''s a part of the level up process. You can pick a skill and get double the proficiency in it until you hit the next rank." Hell yeah! I knew the basic idea behind the stats, but I was unsure what all effect they would have on my status, so I asked again. "Can you give me the rundown on how each stat works?" Mom took a deep breath, and launched into it. "Intelligence gains 10 mana per point, Wisdom gives .1 mana regen per point, Endurance gives 10 HP per point, Strength lets you carry an additonal 10 and use an additional 1 pound in combat. Like if you swing your fist, you will gain +1 pound to the impact. Stamina is how long you can push your limits, you gain 1 minute per point. Doing things that don''t push your limit burns Stamina at 1/4 speed. Agility increases your overall speed by .1 feet per point. Basically, if you get 10 Agility, you can move an additional foot in the same span of time as a someone with 10 less Agility. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Dexterity and Luck are more esoteric, but suffice it to say you can do much finer work in combat and...elsewhere, with pin point precision. Luck can''t really be measured, but if you played coin toss with a friend who had 0 Luck, and you had 1 Luck, you would win 51% of the time." She didn''t even seem winded, and said the whole thing in one breath. High Stamina? So basically, every stat was valuable. Ugh. "You can gain stats from Leveling, and from training. Pushing your limits is the best way to gain stats." In that case, if I increased my stats, I would have to do harder training in those areas to get points. I decided to save my points, because right now I didn''t have to do anything TOO crazy to increase my basic parameters. BOO! I know, boring. It was my life at stake though! I could only imagine what horrors lay in store once I was able to keep up with dad in running. He seemed like a training freak. "What''s the average level?" "Mm, about 300. Some mobs can go up into the thousands." I had a long way to go. "What''s a mob?" "A ''monster or beast'', like those rabbits. Those were beasts. They have an average level of 6. They''re really pathetic." What does that make me at level 3?! +++ It was getting really late, so we started the trek back home. I was really enjoying this world so far, even though it was tough. Hopefully I''ll do better in the future. Sis was waiting at the front door, wearing some frilly white and black dress, and waved us in. I could smell a delightful fragrance all the way from the gate. I don''t know how it got home ahead of us, but the rabbit had made it''s way on to the dinner table. A huge pot of steaming stew awaited, thick and rich. I could see the liquid fat simmering on the surface of the pot, and quickly started scarfing down my serving. The meat was just on the edge of falling apart, it was so tender. The potatoes and carrots were perfect, soft and having absorbed the flavor of the broth. It came served with soft white rolls, which we used to mop up the remnants from our bowls. I was well sated, and after cleaning out the dishes, we sat around in the den around the fire, enjoying being quiet and in each other''s company. I started nodding off, and eventually Mom sent me off to bed. At some point my prison...crib...had vanished, and a bed had taken it''s place. I fell over on the bed with a *thump* and nodded off, before I could get the covers over me. ++++ "HEY! HEY YOU! WITH THE FACE!" Are there people without faces? I kept walking, intent on watering my plants. If I didn''t get them watered soon, the consequences would never be the same. "THIS IS A DREAM! HELLO!!" I was annoyed, and quickly turned, mashing the watering pot onto the head of whoever kept disturbing me. Then, I pee''d a little. The Goddess was soaking wet, and holding her head, looking REALLY pissed. I guess she shrunk down, because she was the same size as me now. Maybe my dream wasn''t big enough to fit her full size. "What are you doing to someone who can destroy you before you can blink?" I blinked. Realizing she probably wasn''t going to obliterate me, I bowed and apologized. "I suppose I''m lucky I didn''t show up in a weird place like the last dream. Yours is surprisingly normal, compared to some." She got a far away look in her eyes. I guess she''d seen some things man, and some stuff. "Anyways," she shook her head, and her eyes de-glazed. "I''ve got an opportunity for you. You''re doing good so far, but you could do better with a little nudge in the right direction." I felt like this whole thing was cliche''d, and over done. Sighing, I nodded. "What can I do for you?" "Well, being a God and all, you''re too busy running things to ever stop and take a look at the rest of the world. That''s why we need people down below, who can check to make sure everything''s solid. Now, this isn''t my world, but I''m kind of the only one who has access to you, since you''re still categorized as a soul under my jurisdiction. If you could start submitting quality assurance reports to the god in charge of this world, I''m sure he would be grateful. In fact I know he would, cuz he dragged me here to ask you to do so." So basically, he wanted me to review his world. Well, that wasn''t so difficult. I smiled. "Sure, no problem!" "Excellent. I''ll give him permission to drop by every once in a while, and get your report." -Goddess "That''s fine. What kind of reward is there for all this?" -Me "Have you been having a problem with bad luck recently?" - Goddess "Does a bear shit in a telephone booth?" - Me "...sometimes?" - Goddess "Exactly." - Me We both smiled into the awkward silence, then she turned around and left. I got back to watering my plants. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I ate too many hot peppers over the last few days. If you faintly hear "I REGRET!!" It''s probably my screaming, from the toilet. You can hear it wherever you live, stay tuned. Also, once again, fuck bureaucracy. (Non-story) Response to criticism I don''t need to justify my writing, if you don''t like it, don''t read it. In other words, if you write me bad reviews, I only have one thing to say. Fuck your couch. I''m going to keep writing, and I''ll take any and all constructive criticism, worded in a friendly, helpful fashion into deep consideration, because I want the story as good as it can be, considering it features humans, who are flawed, and fuck up. I''m not intending to write some literary masterpiece and win awards, I want to write about a dude who got the chance to live everyone''s dream, and how he lived his life, complete with fuck ups and triumphs. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. I hope that you can laugh when he fucks up, and think you can do better than him. I hope you will triumph with him, when he gets it right. Look forward to the next chapter guys! (For an example of a bad review, please check the main fiction page of this very work! It justifies itself by pretending to offer some kind of imaginary balance to the review system, and deems my work an abomination.) Some Witty Chapter Title I am now being accused of being "inspired" by Bitflame''s story, blah blah blah asteroid blown into a game world. Which is a really nice way of saying they think I plagiarized it. All I can say is, if our works are that similar, he must truly be an amazing author. I recommend EVERYBODY check his story out. And leave me a link in the comments below, cuz I can''t find it. Let me know if there are fairies in it, please. Edit: The situation is resolved. Please refer to the first chapter''s comments for the final decision. See ya in the next chapter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I could faintly hear a voice, and see a light at the end of the tunnel. No...can''t be.. "..ke up Duorey!" I could feel my body shaking, no doubt vibrating from the massive speed at which I was approaching the light. "It''s time for breakfast!" Oh. I''m not dead? Opening my eyes, I could see my sister shaking me. Is the fabled little sister line? Did I raise a flag? No seriously though, I hadn''t seen much of her lately. I blinked, and got out of bed, stretching. Sis stood by, tapping her foot impatiently. She saw I was awake, and flounced out of the room. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, wrinkled and grimy. Poor bed sheets. Shrugging, I figured I was going to be getting filthy again today anyways, and didn''t bother changing. I headed out to breakfast. It was the same as yesterday, but I certainly wasn''t complaining. I started trying to pay a bit more attention to my sister, but it was hard. Her presence was almost non existent, and it seemed like when I took my eyes off her, she vanished. I wish I had a vacuum cleaner, so I could scream, "WHO YOU GONNA CALL?!" Mom was staring daggers at me the whole meal, and I was trying to distract myself. Mid-way through the meal, she finally decided to speak. "Your Wisdom increased again, didn''t it?" I nodded. "We need to have another talk, about Status Commands. You need to say Settings, and un-check the box that says ''Wisdom Scaling''. You''re actually cutting years off your life by leaving it alone." Come again? Seeing my shocked face, she nodded, looking a tad grim. "Wisdom is a double edged sword, Dear. The additional age has benefits, but any growth you accelerate past, you miss out on." Then her face truly clouded over, and she said with repressed fury, "Not to MENTION, you''re COMPLETELY SKIPPING my chance to be a MOTHER! Do you think I carried you around for 9 months because it was fun, huh?!" I paled, and quickly shook my head. "Settings!" I yelled, and quickly unchecked the option. The storm apparently having passed, Mother went back to her usual smile. Scary..they make drugs for that you know. We quickly wrapped up the meal, and Dad and I set out for our morning training. +++ We made it about 30 yards away from the front gate before Dad burst out, in a deep guffaw. "You really got the sharp side of her tongue, now you know how I feel." I shook my head. "Is she always like this? She seems...bi-polar." He nodded. "She hides it very well, until you piss her off. Then you''re lucky if you don''t find your manhood ripped off and shoved down your throat. I guess it comes with the territory, being raised by wolves and all." I looked at him, questioningly, and he sated my curiosity. "She''s an orphan, I guess. Never knew her parents, raised by wolves, she was picked up by an Adventurer couple who were out grinding. That''s why every meal around the house has some meat in it. They taught her to speak, and educated her. She still has a nasty habit of biting though...but you''ll probably never see that. Anyways, a few years ago I was out in the mountains training, and took a nasty fall off a 50 ft. cliff, and broke both my legs. I never did ask her why, but Helen was in the mountains as well, and found me. We''ve been stuck to each other ever since. Got married when I put a bun in her oven, and we came out east to raise our kids." He clapped me on the back, nearly sending me sprawling. "It only took me two tries to get the boy I had been wanting, bwaha! You stick with me, son. I''ll show you the ropes." I smiled, in pain, trying to rub my back. While this conversation had been taking place, we had been sprinting. With my Stamina up to 9 points now, I had almost doubled the amount of time I could spend running. I kept hearing *ding!*, but it was entirely stat gains. Truly, Stamina was impressive stuff. Because it increased the time you could push your limits, it was ideal for training. Dad consistently upped the pace, yet never broke a sweat. I was beginning to wonder what HIS stats looked like. Once more, we reached our halfway mark of 2 hours, and turned back. Dad started humming, he seemed to be a generally happy dude. He had a pleasant baritone, deep and full, and it was good to listen to, if it hadn''t sounded suspiciously like the theme song to Trueblood. I, meanwhile, had started enjoying running somewhat. I had started to form a kind of trance, where I just let my body do the work, and my mind shut down. Maybe this is that runner''s high? I''m usually more of a walking kind of person, but I guess there''s not much point in training my walking skill. It''s not like I had weight to burn. We didn''t talk much for the rest of the run, but it was a companionable silence. ++++ When we reached the house, Mom was out front, pulling weeds. By pulling weeds, I mean she would stare at them with a frown on her face and her arms crossed, and they would burst into flames. Wasn''t she staring at me at breakfast...? I felt a chill go up my spine. She noticed we had returned, and waved at us, smiling. "Welcome back boys!" Dad swept her up in a bear hug, and I could feel the pink gathering in the air. I walked by them, intent on lunch. I don''t know what it is, but the food here is absolutely divine. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Sis opened the door for me, smiling. "Welcome back brother!" apparently she was over being mad at me for growing up so quickly. My bet is that she just inherited Mom''s mood swings.. She was practically skipping, as the family gathered around the table. "Something good happen?" I asked. "Nn, it''s my favorite for lunch today!" I looked at the pot sitting on the table, as the lid was lifted, to reveal... What the hell is this..? It looked like a bubbling, seething mass of white rubbery chunks. Like someone had put raw octopus in a pot with oil to bubble. I turned slightly green, but awaited my fate, as everyone took their portions, and started mowing it down. Steeling myself, I lifted a bite to my face. It tasted exactly as I described it. Rubbery, and fishy. When I swallowed, a spicy burn shot up in my mouth, and my tongue felt like it was literally burning. Dad belched, and about a foot of flame emerged. Are your innards made of steel?! Realizing there was no escape, I manned up, and ate. Occasionally throughout the meal, we would all burp and let out small jets of flame. I have to say, it was one of the strangest things I''ve seen lately. Everyone else at the table seemed well content, nay, they seemed to be actively enjoying the entire meal. Dad looked over, and grinned with his teeth. "Your first time having high class stuff like this, eh boy? We can''t normally afford stuff like this, but we figured what the hell, our debt can''t get any higher." This is high class food? I looked dismayed, and I guess it showed on my face. Misinterpreting it, Sis reached over and patted my hand. "Don''t worry bro! We usually eat like this once a week at least!" I resigned myself to my fate. The rest of the week out weighed one bad meal. +++ Mom and I went out for afternoon magic training. Instead of the clearing, she took us to the forest this time. We stood on the edge of a rather stiff incline, with a winding river flowing below. I asked Mom why we came specifically here, but she refused to answer, muttering something about a "conducive atmosphere..." I was definitely getting the hang of mana manipulation. I was learning to adjust the properties of the mana, with her help. There were a variety of ways to shape it. I could turn it hard, floppy, stretchy, brittle, and I''m sure there were more forms. I turned the mana into a long, floppy string, and started jump roping with it. I looked to Mom, who had a bit of a far away look in her eyes. "What''s wrong, Mom?" I asked. She shook her head, and her eyes cleared. "It''s nothing dear. I was just thinking." "You can talk to me, you know. I am your son, even if I may not act like it at times. I really do appreciate the effort you put forth to bring me here. I wouldn''t have this chance, if it weren''t for you." I was keeping my reincarnation on the DL. I was honestly a bit worried that I had taken over someone else''s chance to be her son. She looked at me intently for a while, and then nodded. "Alright. I''ll let you in on what''s going through Mommy''s mind. Honestly, I''m worried about your sister. she hasn''t been the same since she started going to Ninja school. Every time I get a chance to talk to her, all she says is Hokage this, Hokage that." ...surely, this isn''t what I think it is. "I don''t know what to do with her. Every day it seems she''s a bit more distant. She was really excited about you, but I''m worried, because now she''s missed her chance to be a big sister. She''s getting better and better at stealth, and I''m worried one day she''ll completely disappear, and I won''t be able to even remember she was there." Mom was getting more and more worked up, the longer she spoke. I could see tears glistening in her eyes. I grabbed her by the hand, and pulled her into a hug. She leaned down, resting her head on my shoulder. She didn''t cry, but she took deep breaths, her whole body trembling as she tried to calm herself. I patted her head. Eventually, she calmed enough to break the embrace, and gave a weak smile. "Sorry to dump all that on you. I know there''s not much you can do, but I feel better just having talked." I shook my head in the negative. "I''ll do my best to try and bring Sis around. I don''t know her very well yet, but I can fix that. It''s the least I can do for you, with all the things you''ve done for me, without asking for anything." She rested her hand on my head, running her hand through my hair. "Thank you, Duorey," she said with a soft smile. We stayed like that for a few minutes, and then she gripped my hair by the roots. "You''re not getting out of training though." "I wasn''t trying to!" I said, laughing weakly. I went back to skipping rope with the mana. It was difficult because I had to move my body, and focus on keeping it in shape. In addition, I was using both hands to maintain it''s form. Something crashed through the forest, and my head whipped around to look at it. Unfortunately, I never got to see what it was, because I let go of one edge of the mana rope, which promptly got caught around my legs, as I was mid skip. You can imagine the cliche''d thing that happened next. I fell over, and started rapidly rolling down the hill. I literally couldn''t stop myself, as stray branches and stones tore at my clothes and skin. I felt the sharp, stinging pains as I started to bleed, combined with a disgusting nausea as I rolled head over heels, the world spinning in a blur of motion. Finally, with a plop, I landed in the river, bashing my head on a rock. Then everything went black.